# The singles of TAM



## muskrat

I thought it would be neat to start a thread for all the new singles here at TAM. As we all know it is hard for others to understand what we have been through without experiencing it themselves. So this thread is a place to discuss moving forward with life. Meeting new people, dating (when and how) and who knows maybe maybe someone will make a connection here. Anyway this is just a place to share your experiences and get and give advice for others.


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## unsure78

HI Muskrat! Good to hear you are surviving...


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## vi_bride04

What if we already made a connection here? lol


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## Almostrecovered

did somebody call for a creepy stalker?


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## muskrat

I will go first. I am still legally married. My stbxw moved out 13 months ago after an 18 month in house separation. The divorce is going very slowly (mainly due to her unwillingness to discuss anything). I recently filed for custody of our 2 kids, dd age 7 and ds age 4.
So my question is when is the right time to start dating? I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, but it would be nice to go on some casual dates.
Where is the best place to meet new people? I work alone and live in a small town.
What is the best way to approach someone of interest? There is a lady from my church who I know is single and I find attractive. How do I approach her to get to know her better? I know her kids and they are very friendly and outgoing (they are in a class I teach). I want to talk to her, but I am not sure where to start or what to say.


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## arbitrator

*Can I join? Hopefully in just a few more days, when and if the gavel finally falls?*


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## muskrat

wow, you ladies are fast! lol
If you already made a connection that is great. You can still add some input and advice for others.


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> did somebody call for a creepy stalker?


Im fully single again AR... you are free to stalk


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## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> Im fully single again AR... you are free to stalk



oh noes! what happened to buff engineer dude?


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## unsure78

Muskrat just start talking to her about her kids... easy since you are in a class you teach. however if it progresses to dating i would make sure you are clear on you intentions that you are just looking for casual. ( though knowing you muskrat im going to guess you will go all in  )


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> oh noes! what happened to buff engineer dude?


engy ended up being a commitment phobe he panicked and freaked out when it was time to take the next step... just happened a little bit ago... im heartbroken but im sure ill be ok, im sure i will find some guy out there to love me


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## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> engy ended up being a commitment phobe he panicked and freaked out when it was time to take the next step... just happened a little bit ago... im heartbroken but im sure ill be ok,* im sure i will find some guy out there to love me*


I'm sure you will, you are fantastic catch imo
shame engy ended up being a dummy in letting you go


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> I'm sure you will, you are fantastic catch imo
> shame engy ended up being a dummy in letting you go


Thanks AR


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## Dedicated2Her

> How do I approach her to get to know her better? I know her kids and they are very friendly and outgoing (they are in a class I teach). I want to talk to her, but I am not sure where to start or what to say.


Tread very carefully here, rat. Dating within the current social circle when you already know the kids can be treacherous. There can be a comfort level that allows the kids to see too much too soon. Plus, if it goes badly, it's drama on everyone. Do everything in your power to keep your dating life away from both sets of kids.


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## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> wow, you ladies are fast! lol
> If you already made a connection that is great. You can still add some input and advice for others.


My advice: BE YOURSELF

If you date someone who doesn't like something about who you are as a person get rid of them. Or if you seem to clash when you are doing nothing but being yourself...ditch em. No time for that crap. If someone can't respect you for being you they are not worth your time. 

And if you aren't sure who "you" are, date yourself first. And make a list of the character traits you want out of a partner if you are looking for something LT.


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## Ceegee

unsure78 said:


> ...if it progresses to dating i would make sure you are clear on you intentions that you are just looking for casual. ( though knowing you muskrat im going to guess you will go all in  )


Finding this to be very true. Extremely important. Best to bring it up early in casual conversation as one of your general conditions. 

Started to see a woman that I thought was on the same page. Turned out after just a couple of dates she was expecting a commitment.

This, among other things, tells me she emotionally unprepared. It's too bad.


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## 3Xnocharm

Singleton here.  I think I am ready to try a date or two. My issue is that men never ask me out, and I have made a pact with myself to NOT be the one to pursue or make the first move any more. So I will probably remain dateless forever, lol!


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## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Singleton here.  I think I am ready to try a date or two. My issue is that men never ask me out, and I have made a pact with myself to NOT be the one to pursue or make the first move any more. So I will probably remain dateless forever, lol!


really? can I ask why you wont make the first move?


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## Ceegee

3Xnocharm said:


> Singleton here.  I think I am ready to try a date or two. My issue is that men never ask me out, and I have made a pact with myself to NOT be the one to pursue or make the first move any more. So I will probably remain dateless forever, lol!


3X - you, me...dinner this Saturday night. I'll pick you up at 7:00.


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## hope4family

Single. Divorce is over. Have my son about 70-90% of the time. 

I'm trying as much new stuff as I can before I consider getting into a serious relationship. I do enjoy how things are working out thus far. My biggest concern is actually being successful in a relationship and then falling out of my comfort zone in meeting new people and making new friends. 

But when its a concern at least then you can work on it. Life is strange.


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## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> really? can I ask why you wont make the first move?


Because my man picker is broken!  All three of my husbands, I was the one to initiate, so obviously, I need to stop doing what DOESNT WORK! 

Thanks CeeGee!


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## vi_bride04

My worry is once in a committed, LT relationship, will old patterns surface? 

Trying to work on myself as best as I can and recognize things, but sometimes things don't appear that need to be worked on until you are in that whole relationship dynamic.


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## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> My worry is once in a committed, LT relationship, will old patterns surface?
> 
> Trying to work on myself as best as I can and recognize things, but sometimes things don't appear that need to be worked on until you are in that whole relationship dynamic.


Yea VI some of my old patterns resurfaced after a fair amount of time in the relationship. I actually started back in IC just to work on it, then stuff ended.


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## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Because my man picker is broken!  All three of my husbands, I was the one to initiate, so obviously, I need to stop doing what DOESNT WORK!
> 
> Thanks CeeGee!


Fair enough


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## hope4family

Shooboomafoo said:


> I have my daughter with me every other week, so weeks like this when I dont have that responsibility, one would think after 17 yrs with the same woman, and now divorced due to her infidelity, I would be out on the town!!!
> But Im not.
> Lots of debt from the marriage, so attempting to keep it cool on the expenditures until its affordable, I never expected to be on this end of the financial hell that was my ex's lifestyle...but it sure puts a damper on a lot of things I would find myself interested in going and doing.
> My self confidence is way down, I'm having a hard time picking that back up..


Pushups? 

When married, and just before I got married. I never wore purple. Used too when I was younger and more confident in myself. 

I can proudly say that after thousands of pushups. I wear purple now. Ladies seem to love it. 

Money is tight as I am still paying off the divorce debt. I admit, i'm young, so I can bounce back easily financially. What's 3 years at age 29? I'm working on myself, and loving/trusting myself.


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## vi_bride04

PUSHUPS ARE THE SH!T!!!

I would also recommend them for a confidence boost.


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## Almostrecovered

vi_bride04 said:


> PUSHUPS BRAS ARE THE SH!T!!!
> 
> I would also recommend them for a confidence boost.


FYP


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## Dollystanford

push up bras are just as good for moobs as for boobs AR


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## angelpixie

Well, I just had my yearly adventure in dating, so I'm good til next year. 

Being an introvert, it makes meeting people IRL really difficult. And the things I like to do are mainly solitary, or there are mostly women around. Dating sites are not working for me. 

So, I'm just getting used to being alone with my awesomeness.


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## EleGirl

Let's see...I'm single.

Don't know what to say about myself. I'm me.

I'll be 64 in July so I'm older than most here.

Still work as an engineer and will for a few more years.

Live with my 24 year old son and 3 big dogs on a small farm.

My son is 24, in college (physics and math) and still living at home. He does not want any debt and I agree with this. He'll probably graduate in December. Then he wants to go on for his masters degree.


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## Dollystanford

I think you and AR should go out with your boobs jacked up to your chin and totally work it baby

I don't care about having a boyfriend, I haven't been this happy in years. If it happens then great but I'm in no particularly rush to jump back into the fray quite honestly

I'm living my life again without having to worry about pleasing someone else. 

More sex wouldn't go amiss


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## angelpixie

My boobs, or AR's, or both of us? 

I hear you on the sex part, but I really am digging my independence more and more. I don't think I ever want to live with a man again. 

I think there is a certain point of it being easier and feeling safer being alone the longer you do it. When I was on my own for several months, I had more of a desire to try dating. But after some less-than-stellar experiences, I'm just not that eager. I'm a mom, I work full-time and have a business that I need to ramp up again after putting it on hold due to the D, just bought a home of my own...I have no trouble staying busy. I am more choosy how I spend my spare time, since I have so little of it. I've been having a great time getting into dance, and having female friends to do fun things with. That's new for me, too.


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## Almostrecovered

not that I was being asked, but if I was a divorced woman, I'd totally slvt it up


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## angelpixie

The purpose being....?


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> not that I was being asked, but if I was a divorced woman, I'd totally slvt it up


OMG this made me laugh so hard! Are you saying that I should wh0re it up? Hmm maybe thats what im missing??????


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## Almostrecovered

angelpixie said:


> The purpose being....?


I dunno, getting laid


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## Almostrecovered

angelpixie said:


> The purpose being....?


why don't you ask Dolly?







OOOOOOHHH!! SICK BURN!!
(sorry hun, but you keep making fun of my moobs)


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## Dollystanford

I embraced my inner sl*t a long time ago darling, don't you worry your pretty little C-cups about it


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## Ikaika

Not single, but too many of my TAM friends are, for good or bad. 

Anyway, as always you know that if you come to the islands ladies and gentlemen, we will find you a slice of paradise 

for the guys
http://youtu.be/QORxeLuY0O8

for the ladies
http://youtu.be/VXx_upZe4CQ


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> why don't you ask Dolly?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OOOOOOHHH!! SICK BURN!!
> (sorry hun, but you keep making fun of my moobs)




hahahahahahahahaha!


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## angelpixie

Problem with that, drerio, is that one is expected to show a lot of skin in Hawaii. I think I need to go closer to the Arctic Circle.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Problem with that, drerio, is that one is expected to show a lot of skin in Hawaii. I think I need to go closer to the Arctic Circle.


No, don't worry... spend a week here and you will fit right in. Tell you what you bring DS with you and my family and I will keep him occupied


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## muskrat

why is meeting new people so hard? online dating has been interesting and very full of crazy women.
Maybe I need to just "slvt it up" and learn to embrace ons's. This has never been my style, but we are supposed to try new things right? lol Now I just need to find women willing to cooperate. lol


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## unsure78

muskrat said:


> why is meeting new people so hard? online dating has been interesting and very full of crazy women.
> Maybe I need to just "slvt it up" and learn to embrace ons's. This has never been my style, but we are supposed to try new things right? lol Now I just need to find women willing to cooperate. lol


Muskrat you do not take me as a "slvt it up" type of guy.... perhaps you would like one of us TAM ladies to look at your dating profile to provide some help, to keep away the crazy ones


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## EleGirl

muskrat said:


> why is meeting new people so hard? online dating has been interesting and very full of crazy women.
> Maybe I need to just "slvt it up" and learn to embrace ons's. This has never been my style, but we are supposed to try new things right? lol Now I just need to find women willing to cooperate. lol


Because we need new places to go to where we can meet new people. It takes effort to find the new venues. I think it's better to just go have fun and meet people without the intent of looking for dates. Then friendships happen. It's a better way to meet.

Try the site Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup See what's going on in your area.


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## EleGirl

3Xnocharm said:


> Because my man picker is broken! All three of my husbands, I was the one to initiate, so obviously, I need to stop doing what DOESNT WORK!
> 
> Thanks CeeGee!


Have you read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? It talks about this and why the woman being the initiator of a relationship does not work. It also explains how a woman can let a guy know she’s interested but let him make the first move.


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## 3Xnocharm

EleGirl said:


> Have you read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? It talks about this and why the woman being the initiator of a relationship does not work. It also explains how a woman can let a guy know she’s interested but let him make the first move.


Interesting....I may have to give that a read then!


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## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Muskrat you do not take me as a "slvt it up" type of guy.... perhaps you would like one of us TAM ladies to look at your dating profile to provide some help, to keep away the crazy ones


Thanks for the offer, but I have deleted all online dating profiles. I gave up on it for now, I will stick with in person for the time being. The problem is I am pretty shy around new people and so I have trouble starting new friendships.

Meetups sound great. The trouble I have had is I have my kids everytime there is an event that sounds interesting. My custody situation should be changing soon, so maybe I will have more time to get out. As things stand I am free 2 nights a week.


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## hope4family

muskrat said:


> why is meeting new people so hard? online dating has been interesting and very full of crazy women.
> Maybe I need to just "slvt it up" and learn to embrace ons's. This has never been my style, but we are supposed to try new things right? lol Now I just need to find women willing to cooperate. lol


Pushups?


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## Pbartender

EleGirl said:


> It also explains how *a woman can let a guy know she’s interested* but let him make the first move.


That's the important part of it, though... _You_ don't need to initiate anything, but please give the guy a clue that he's welcome to initiate something.


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## muskrat

Pbartender said:


> That's the important part of it, though... _You_ don't need to initiate anything, but please give the guy a clue that he's welcome to initiate something.



:iagree: Ladies, also keep in mind that some men like myself are terrible at picking up subtle hints.


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## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> :iagree: Ladies, also keep in mind that some men like myself are terrible at picking up subtle hints.


But see, I always knew this about guys, thats why I tended to go ahead and initiate the contact, if I could tell he might be interested. :scratchhead:


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## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> :iagree: Ladies, also keep in mind that some men like myself are terrible at picking up subtle hints.


Which brings us back full circle to slvtting it up, I think. :rofl:


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## hope4family

I got offers. 

But I fear success and turn them down. 

Honestly, I think your problem is still worse.


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## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Which brings us back full circle to slvtting it up, I think. :rofl:


My stbxw followed me home from a mutual friends house and asked me out to dinner. It was only at this point I realized she might be interested in me.:lol:
I am a little slow on picking up clues. Of course I now wish I would have locked my door when she showed up instead of inviting her in. And no we did not have sex that night.


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## maincourse99

My D was final a month ago. Met a girl online. She showed me the vertical cuts up her forearms where she twice attempted suicide, told me about all her prescriptions, being raped, and twice weekly therapy sessions. There was more she wanted to tell me but we ran out of time. Had to pick up my daughter.

And I thought my ex wife had issues. I think I might take a little break.


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## jpr

I agree with AR.

....all divorcees should embrace their inner slvt and have a little period of craziness. 



..I refer to it as "trying on different hats".


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## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I agree with AR.
> 
> ....all divorcees should embrace their inner slvt and have a little period of craziness.
> 
> 
> 
> ..I refer to it as "trying on different hats".


HA! Good way of putting it. 

I didn't try on many hats but did have crazy fun none the less LOL


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## jpr

I am currently wearing a hat that I really, really, really, really like.




...I just hope the wind doesn't blow this one away.


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## angelpixie

Ha!! I thought of the 'wearing many hats' when MR was posting earlier. Good times on that old thread.


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## Pbartender

I like hats..


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## jpr

This reminds me...I love cats!

Songify This - CAN'T HUG EVERY CAT (now on iTunes) -- a song about loving cats - YouTube


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## muskrat

guess I need to do some hat shopping. Can't let you TAM ladies have all the fun.


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## angelpixie

Who said we're all having fun?


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## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Who said we're all having fun?


come to PA AP and I can give you the best 30 seconds of your life.:rofl:
Did I say that out loud? Sorry about that, you are a lady and should be treated as such. I will try to make it the best 60 seconds.


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## angelpixie

'A gentleman' doesn't begin to describe you, MR.


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## Pbartender

You can leave your hat on...


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## angelpixie

And I just stopped on to check TAM on my way to STFC. How appropriate.


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## jpr

Let us advise you, Muskrat, as you try on 'new' hats....


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## muskrat

jpr said:


> Let us advise you, Muskrat, as you try on 'new' hats....



:rofl: are you offering to send me some "hats" to try on? :scratchhead:

Or are you suggesting we do the whole fashion show, wardrobe thing again?


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## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> You can leave your hat on...


I have always LOVED that song!! I'm gonna strip to it one day!


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## jpr

muskrat said:


> :rofl: are you offering to send me some "hats" to try on? :scratchhead:
> 
> Or are you suggesting we do the whole fashion show, wardrobe thing again?


yes.


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## EleGirl

maincourse99 said:


> My D was final a month ago. Met a girl online. She showed me the vertical cuts up her forearms where she twice attempted suicide, told me about all her prescriptions, being raped, and twice weekly therapy sessions. There was more she wanted to tell me but we ran out of time. Had to pick up my daughter.
> 
> And I thought my ex wife had issues. I think I might take a little break.


This is actually good... she warned you up front and you ran away just like you should. See that worked out fine. 

Meeting people on line is about numbers. Meet in person in a coffee shop as soon as you can. That way you know quickly if you don't want to spend time with them.


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## angelpixie

And if they refuse to meet you for coffee, and instead want to marry you right away, that's also a good indication you should run away.


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## Dollystanford

You must give really good email


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## angelpixie

Yeah, I might need to tone it down a little.


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## rose petal

My divorce will finalize in August. I've been seeing a man for two months now. Our relationship is new, but things are going good so far. I'm very happy with living alone.


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## Dedicated2Her

Rat,

I can tell you that if you are a healthy man physically, mentally, and emotionally you are going to have many interested parties. Pick and select carefully. However, go on lot's of dates just to see the amount of "nuttiness" out there. It's a show! 

On another note, relax on the custody thing. You will appreciate having more time to yourself, and it is worth the additional support you have to pay.


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## hope4family

Dollystanford said:


> You must give really good email


I may not give the best e-mail. 

But I got the phone voice down.....


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## muskrat

I have noticed a trend with online dating. Once you weed out the scammers and obvious "no way women", there are very few in my targeted age range (30-36). There are tons of mid twenties wanting to start a family and a boat load of 40 somethings who have kids about to leave the nest. Not much in between.


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## maincourse99

_This is actually good... she warned you up front and you ran away just like you should. See that worked out fine. 

Meeting people on line is about numbers. Meet in person in a coffee shop as soon as you can. That way you know quickly if you don't want to spend time with them_

Good perspective and advice.


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## Dedicated2Her

> Once you weed out the scammers and obvious "no way women", there are very few in my targeted age range (30-36). There are tons of mid twenties wanting to start a family and a boat load of 40 somethings who have kids about to leave the nest. Not much in between.


And you will find out the majority of the "in betweens" are crazy. Like 3 gallons of crazy in a 2 gallon bucket type crazy.


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## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> And you will find out the majority of the "in betweens" are crazy. Like 3 gallons of crazy in a 2 gallon bucket type crazy.


Um im in that category.... Im not crazy..... right guys, umm right ????????


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## nice777guy

Looking in the Yellow Pages - can't find any hat stores.

Where do most of you go shopping for hats?


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## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> Um im in that category.... Im not crazy..... right guys, umm right ????????


no no of course not


now put down the knife


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## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Um im in that category.... Im not crazy..... right guys, umm right ????????


Let's see. You are single, in the right category, not crazy? (so you claim) and if I recall correctly you do live somewhere near the East coast (I could be wrong about this).
hmmm, so what are you doing this weekend? 



You seem like a great catch UNSURE. You will make some lucky man very happy. If you can find one that isn't crazy and has no emotional issues. Sorry to hear things didn't work out with the Engineer, you seemed really happy with him.


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## muskrat

nice777guy said:


> Looking in the Yellow Pages - can't find any hat stores.
> 
> Where do most of you go shopping for hats?



I am waiting for my wing women (JPR) to direct me to the right store. If I find a hot spot, I will be glad to pass the info along.

Sharing time is happy time!:rofl:


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## Dedicated2Her

> Um im in that category.... Im not crazy..... right guys, umm right ????????


LOL. I said most. I went on about 7 dates in that category.....6 were bat [email protected] crazy. The 7th, well, nice girl. Had some fun. At the end of the day, just not the right fit. The sex was fantastic, though.


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## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Let's see. You are single, in the right category, not crazy? (so you claim) and if I recall correctly you do live somewhere near the East coast (I could be wrong about this).
> hmmm, so what are you doing this weekend?
> 
> 
> 
> You seem like a great catch UNSURE. You will make some lucky man very happy. If you can find one that isn't crazy and has no emotional issues. Sorry to hear things didn't work out with the Engineer, you seemed really happy with him.


Sorry im chicago area Muskrat... 

Thats what i need to do though find some nice chicago area TAMer to hang with...


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> no no of course not
> 
> 
> now put down the knife


sure my preference is for a chainsaw anyway AR, more bang for your buck..


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## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> Sorry im chicago area Muskrat...
> 
> Thats what i need to do though find some nice chicago area TAMer to hang with...


of course you have to determine if they're a Cubs or Sox fan first


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## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> of course you have to determine if they're a Cubs or Sox fan first


eh I dont care that much, though if i HAVE to pick its the sox...


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## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Sorry im chicago area Muskrat...
> 
> Thats what i need to do though find some nice chicago area TAMer to hang with...


Darn, so much for my weekend plans.:rofl:

Of course (plays crazy stalker music) Chicago is only like a 10 hour drive.


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## Almostrecovered




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## nice777guy

The women on this site give me great hope that not all single ladies my age are crazy.

I think I'm kind of a cross between Shoo and Pixie. 

Like Shoo - my post-divorce financial situation has been tough - which has hurt my confidence. I've made progress on paying down debt - but I'm still not where I want to be. I'm still driving my 1999 mini-van (chicks DIG mini-vans - right?). And when I have extra money - it goes towards my kids.

I'm also very shy and introverted. Hard to meet people when I'd really just rather stay at home on Friday night. Not a lot of single women in my living room...


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## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> sure my preference is for a chainsaw anyway AR, more bang for your buck..



I almost choked on my coffee, Unsure! :rofl:


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## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> eh I dont care that much, though if i HAVE to pick its the sox...


Yup, your a keeper. Couldn't handle a woman that liked the stupid Cubs.:smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Almostrecovered said:


>


No no no, that's not Unsure. She's at least smart enough to tie back her long hair before operating that type of machinery.


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## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> no no no, that's not unsure. She's at least smart enough to tie back her long hair before operating that type of machinery.


hahahahahhahahahah!


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## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Sorry im chicago area Muskrat...
> 
> Thats what i need to do though find some nice chicago area TAMer to hang with...


There's a few of them here, if you look around...


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## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> There's a few of them here, if you look around...


Yes I know PB, but I dont know if i could hold up to your HBMs ( i have actually been following your thread -lol)


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## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Yes I know PB, but I dont know if i could hold up to your HBMs ( i have actually been following your thread -lol)


Hah! Don't worry about them... They're mostly harmless.

D13... Now, _she's_ the one you should worry about.


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## angelpixie

So, Nice -- you're a member of


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## nice777guy

angelpixie said:


> So, Nice -- you're a member of


Lol!!!

And to make things worse - my bald spot is slowly getting bigger!


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## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Hah! Don't worry about them... They're mostly harmless.
> 
> D13... Now, _she's_ the one you should worry about.


lol... the kids are the toughest judges by far


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## 3Xnocharm

So there are some Chicago area folks here huh? Im in the St Louie area.


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## vi_bride04

I love all you single TAMers  You guys all make me smile so much. Just the humor and joking around, but most of all the progress that everyone has made or really trying to make. 

Divorce is awful. I'm so glad we can support each other. 

Maybe I'm just feeling all gushy b/c I get to wear my sombrero hat for a week starting tomorrow!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I love all you single TAMers  You guys all make me smile so much. Just the humor and joking around, but most of all the progress that everyone has made or really trying to make.
> 
> Divorce is awful. I'm so glad we can support each other.
> 
> Maybe I'm just feeling all gushy b/c I get to wear my sombrero hat for a week starting tomorrow!


Jealous....


----------



## nice777guy

Are some of us actually talking about Hats???


----------



## nice777guy

vi_bride04 said:


> I love all you single TAMers  You guys all make me smile so much. Just the humor and joking around, but most of all the progress that everyone has made or really trying to make.
> 
> Divorce is awful. I'm so glad we can support each other.
> 
> Maybe I'm just feeling all gushy b/c I get to wear my sombrero hat for a week starting tomorrow!


That's a big hat for a long time!

Make sure you warm up - stretch - drink plenty of gatorade - and be safe!!!


----------



## jpr

my current "hat" is a huge cubs fan.....that is his only downfall so far.


but, I'm trying to put a positive spin on it....the fact that he is a cubs fan shows a sense of commitment and a sense of humor.


there is no such thing as a fair-weather cubs fan. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GettingBetter

unsure78 said:


> eh I dont care that much, though if i HAVE to pick its the sox...


Would you hang out with Blackhawks fan? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

GettingBetter said:


> Would you hang out with Blackhawks fan?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blackhawks are cool


----------



## unsure78

ooo I feel so popular all of a sudden....lol


----------



## Almostrecovered

the line to date unsure starts here

well not including me, I'm married


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> the line to date unsure starts here
> 
> well not including me, I'm married


yea but you can always be my stalker AR :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> ooo I feel so popular all of a sudden....lol


Heh... Tell me about it.


----------



## FormerSelf

I don't know how I'm going to handle single life...after seeing an end to 16 year marriage. I am so gunshy after a monumental betrayal...that I am going to do everything I can to avoid another scenario like this...which will mean I am the one that needs to change and attract different and healthy personalities.
I see myself being single for a long time...I just want to rebuild friendships with people all over the place, have fun, and work on myself. I got married way too young...and should have done what I will being doing a long time ago.


----------



## GettingBetter

unsure78 said:


> ooo I feel so popular all of a sudden....lol


Helping each other rebuild self esteem and confidence...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nice777guy

But seriuosly - where is your favorite place to go hat shopping? Anyone???


----------



## muskrat

nice777guy said:


> But seriuosly - where is your favorite place to go hat shopping? Anyone???


What kind of hat are you looking for? Hats come in all different size, shapes, colors and most have their own unique style. Where to shop depends on what hat you are looking for.


----------



## angelpixie

You guys are cracking me up. 


I have started wearing hats a lot in the last year or so. But, sadly, they are real, actual hats. 



ETA: Hmmm....does that make me a Crazy Hat Lady?


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> What kind of hat are you looking for? Hats come in all different size, shapes, colors and most have their own unique style. Where to shop depends on what hat you are looking for.


That is why you have to try them on for a while....see which one fits.



Try all sorts of different ones....even ones that you normally wouldn't think would look good on you. They don't have to stay on your head for very long--but, there is no reason not to try them on. (...well.....unless it is a dirty and used hat that perhaps contains lice...A girl must have her standards. )

If you don't like it, put it back on the shelf. ...there are plenty of hats out there...and they can be found most anywhere! Just keep an eye out.


----------



## nice777guy

I need a hat that won't drive me crazy.
Some hat to thrill me - and then go away...


----------



## rose petal

muskrat said:


> I have noticed a trend with online dating. Once you weed out the scammers and obvious "no way women", there are very few in my targeted age range (30-36). There are tons of mid twenties wanting to start a family and a boat load of 40 somethings who have kids about to leave the nest. Not much in between.



I am in this age range. I have no kids. I don't consider myself crazy. I am in good physical shape. I'm successful in life and have a joyful personality. Perhaps this is why I didn't stay single for very long. I'm currently off the dating market


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> That is why you have to try them on for a while....see which one fits.
> 
> 
> 
> Try all sorts of different ones....even ones that you normally wouldn't think would look good on you. They don't have to stay on your head for very long--but, there is no reason not to try them on. (...well.....unless it is a dirty and used hat that perhaps contains lice...A girl must have her standards. )
> 
> If you don't like it, put it back on the shelf. ...there are plenty of hats out there...and they can be found most anywhere! Just keep an eye out.


How many women like those "one size fits all" type hats?


----------



## nice777guy

hope4family said:


> How many women like those "one size fits all" type hats?


I have no idea what this could even mean...

:scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmmm..... I think one could tell a lot about someone by their hat.


----------



## Dollystanford

I like big hats
Very big hats
Big burly hats


----------



## angelpixie

And you cannot lie.


----------



## angelpixie

I like funny hats, no...
I like hats that make me laugh...no...
I like humorous hats...


There's just no way to make that sound good.


----------



## muskrat

nice777guy said:


> I need a hat that won't drive me crazy.
> Some hat to thrill me - and then go away...


Ok, start your shopping on match.com. There a ton of women there who are looking for a fwb.
I will give you a warning. The pics have mostly been altered and most places to shop the hats are described with the letters bbw. Maybe those are the hats you like? These are just my findings to date. The nicest hats I seem to think would fit all live far away. My area is tough for hat shopping.
Anyways good luck, you'll need it. Hat shopping can be a dangerous and frustrating thing.


----------



## vi_bride04

I like hard hats!


----------



## muskrat

You ladies are hilarious.
Dolly and AP, you have made my day.

See I am easy to please.:smthumbup:


----------



## nice777guy

vi_bride04 said:


> I like hard hats!


And I think we have a winner!

Goodnight everybody!


----------



## Dollystanford

If the big burly hat can make me laugh when I put it on my head then it's game over


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> That is why you have to try them on for a while....see which one fits.
> 
> 
> 
> Try all sorts of different ones....even ones that you normally wouldn't think would look good on you. They don't have to stay on your head for very long--but, there is no reason not to try them on. (...well.....unless it is a dirty and used hat that perhaps contains lice...A girl must have her standards. )
> 
> If you don't like it, put it back on the shelf. ...there are plenty of hats out there...and they can be found most anywhere! Just keep an eye out.



I haven't worn a hat in a long time. I would mind having one on my head for a while.

Uggh. That came out wrong. Now I just sound like a dirty perv.


----------



## unsure78

Boo... Im already missing my engineering hat, that was a very well equipped hat and it could do tricks, even upside down.....

Sigh...


----------



## Dollystanford

LOL oh myyyyyy


----------



## angelpixie

nice777guy said:


> And I think we have a winner!
> 
> Goodnight everybody!


I was going to post the exact same thing, until I saw:



unsure78 said:


> Boo... Im already missing my engineering hat, that was a very well equipped hat and it could do tricks, even upside down.....
> 
> Sigh...


I think it's a tie.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Boo... Im already missing my engineering hat, that was a very well equipped hat and it could do tricks, even upside down.....
> 
> Sigh...


Upside down hat tricks???!!!!

.....sorry unsure for the wind blowing your hat away  It really sounds like it was a special magic hat.


----------



## muskrat

Dang, I'm leaving. You ladies are making me feel very untalented. lol


----------



## Pbartender

Wait... What?


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Wait... What?


I think he took AR's directive to slvt it up.


----------



## muskrat

I think I found my hat shopping problem. It is fri. night and instead of heading out to browse the local merchandise, I am staying home to clean my house.
Not many hats to try on in my home, but I couldn't bring a new hat home to the mess my kids made this week.


----------



## angelpixie

When we were kids and did something stupid, my dad would angrily say "Use your head for something besides a hat rack." 

Not sure what that has to do with anything. Just puttin' that out there.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> When we were kids and did something stupid, my dad would angrily say "Use your head for something besides a hat rack."
> 
> Not sure what that has to do with anything. Just puttin' that out there.


I dunno...:scratchhead:....sometimes, in life, I think it is good to just use your head at a hatrack. ...just for a little while, at least. 

Through our divorce processes, many of us have analyzed things to death. We have put a "life or death" mentality on relationships. We have reflected on all the mistakes we have made, and all the red flags we had missed..and it has made some of us take life a little too seriously. ...at least in my case it did.

I went through a phase when I was so afraid of making an 'unwise' decision that I found myself not taking any risks at all. I put so much pressure on myself to not make any more relationship mistakes....ever!  That is silly. ...and unrealistic.

I think sometimes we need to put our brains aside and say, "Screw it! My head is simply a hatrack today. Let's see what kind of hat it can try on today!"


----------



## Dollystanford

A very very BIG hat eh jpr?


----------



## muskrat

Good morning all.
So anybody find a nice new hat to try on last night?:rofl:

As for me I was up till 5 this morning talking on the phone with one of the few "normal" ladies I have met online. She is great, she also lives in another country. Oh well  Darn Canadians :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

I had an exciting friday night of being home with DS and the pets. I think i went to bed by 8:30? So see Muskrat you were closer to getting a new hat than i was, at least you have one to talk too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> I had an exciting friday night of being home with DS and the pets. I think i went to bed by 8:30? So see Muskrat you were closer to getting a new hat than i was, at least you have one to talk too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I should have went to bed early also. Staying up that late has me feeling very unproductive today. It is nice to have new hat to talk to, but I would rather have a hat I could go out to dinner with once in a while. 
Who knows, maybe one day I will meet her instead of just talking on the phone. Of course I would have to get a passport. Shouldn't be to hard, I will be at the court house on a somewhat regular basis the next few weeks anyhow.


----------



## angelpixie

That's putting a positive spin on things, MR. Good for you, lol. :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Great idea Musket .
Personally the biggest thing I've noticed being single again , really worries me to actually- is what the fk happens to a girl in her twenties on her way to her 40's. Really worries me , what a difference.
And I know, your not meant to replace your x but God , women now, soooo strung out and it's all me me me me, fkd up. I so often think God no wonder they're single, sorry girls but I think all that stuff every time I meet one now. Actually , wish we all could hop through our computers because I do really like some of the girls I've met here but unfortunately real life's proving a bit different.
Hell of a lot of MLF'g out there too.
I know, sounds negative and hey I don't need negative right now but what can I say I see what I see. I really can't believe the change fk me , x and I were rare.
Like we use to notice things all the time with other people and often even joked - no fkg way.
We were soooo easy going though, like really we didn't change much over our18 yrs. Our tastes , natures , we were just how we were . Yeah we did all the grown up stuff to ha ha , in the end but only after traveling for 10 yrs. Things did become stressed out and fkd up from life , bills , trying to get established later yeah but right through all that to even, compared to others we we're still much the same really. 
I find even their musics scary stuff too. Like one girls fav group, pretty well all she listened to was the Stones for example. I mean hey great band, 30yrs ago but ! Actually , music alone's proving a big issue so far.
Seeing x now because I still see her for my daughter and our stuff, I can see us both looking and thinking.
I mean yeah , we got fkd up at the end , me , her , both of us but how the hell I'll find someone like "us" 18 yrs later , fkg scary stuff going on what's out there.
Another problem is x also looked way way younger , still does so so far women of her real age also look much older , been major shell shock !


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I haven't worn a hat in a long time. I would mind having one on my head for a while.
> 
> Uggh. That came out wrong. Now I just sound like a dirty perv.


Just like everyone else :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> But see, I always knew this about guys, thats why I tended to go ahead and initiate the contact, if I could tell he might be interested. :scratchhead:


Problem isn't always he doesn't get it but maybe he's just not interested to don't forget . I know I've had a few thinking stuff like that but I just wasn't into them to begin with..

On the girls initiating thing , I've never thought that's good idea either personally. 
Tell you something , a few things can happen with that if he does go for it.
One , he wasn't really into her and that's why she had to chase him .
Or, maybe he does join in but just out of convenience, nothing else on offer, whatever .
And , you know it sounds old fashion but it really is how it is. A lot of guys still don't sort of respect a girl initiating. 
But if the chemistry's there though it can still sort of happen but just not as full on and be really nice . Like I've always found like she might sorta, just like be around type of thing like, say it's a party or a group.
Sorta like a favorite person there thing and she won't sort of hide her ease, comfort around you . 
I find that sort of thing so sexy .


----------



## muskrat

I talked to Miss Canada a few times this weekend, she really seems like a great girl. The problem is she is in Canada and I am in PA. I am not moving and I doubt she has any intentions on moving. So I really see no future for us besides chat buddies, I doubt we will ever meet.
In the mean time I stumbled across a free dating site (I should sleep more and spend less time online). I signed up and noticed there was a camping weekend meet up near me coming up soon. I followed the chat and eventually asked a few questions about going. I noticed most of the people were older and there were many more men then women attending. I figured so what, I need to get out and make some new friends and it sounds like a lot of fun. I broke down and signed up on sat. As of this morning both of the under 40 women that rsvp'd had sent me private messages asking to get to know me. 
I also received a message from a woman on this site who actually lives with in 15 miles of me. My god judging from her pics she has a smoking body. I wrote back and we talked on the phone last night. Sad to say I am not to sure she is all there upstairs. lol I will chat with her again and maybe meet her for coffee and confirm my suspicions.
So hat shopping was interesting this weekend. I just can't seem to find a woman that has it all. I want attraction, brains and personality. Everyone I talk to only seems to have 1 maybe 2 of the 3. The only girl that seems to have it all lives in another country.
Yeah well, I guess I will keep trying and see what happens.
Oh, I am going to the camping meetup. I can meet the 2 woman that im'd me and hopefully make some great new friends.


----------



## Camelia

Well, this thread has amused me to no end, I must say. Ya'll are fun! I am really a ways from dating ( I think) but am kinda getting myself prepared. I hate to say it, after the thread took such a light hearted turn, but now I am a bit discouraged. I will be forty in two weeks, and have two children. And while I am working on my body after letting it go, I am not smoking hot by any means. So does that mean that I am not going to have any one want to date me? I'm also a little crazy, but I don't have any cut scars!!! I think there are other things I have going for me. I am funny, and intelligent, I can hold my end of a conversation well, and I do not take myself too seriously. And with me, what you see is what you get. And as the saying goes, I have a pretty face. So, do my goods outweigh my bads?


----------



## jpr

Hey Camelia...

I know what you mean. I get a little insecure when I hear men talk about how 'smokin' hot' the girls they meet on dating sites are. 

I am not 'smokin' hot' either, but I feel like if you are honest and interesting, then you will attract honest and interesting people. Some of those 'smokin' hot' girls spend hours looking in the mirror each morning doing their hair. Some of them spend hundreds of dollars each month on lotions and potions to make them look 'hot'.

I think you will find that a lot of men really don't want a 'high-maintenance' partner. ...at least the smart ones, anyway......They want someone who is interesting, attractive, and can sit down and drink a beer with them without worrying about the excessive calories they are consuming.


----------



## muskrat

Good morning all.
I guess I was the one that used the words "smoking hot", if you read the whole thing I also said she wasn't all there upstairs (mentally) and I have moved on. Looks are not everything!!!! 
Camelia, I have never seen you, but I am guessing you are a very attractive lady. 
JPR, I have seen your pics and you are absolutely beautiful.

Now for a little update. I am still going camping, but have decided it will strictly be to meet some new friends. I talked to Ms. Canada last night and she has looked into flights to come meet me. She told me to let her know what works for me and my children's schedule. She completely took me by surprise with this. There is a big tourist attraction near my home and she said she could use a nice vacation.
In the past she has also told me she is not tied down and could move if she wants. She is also just starting to build a house though. She does have a daughter, but she is going to be a senior this year and then off to college.
Is it strange that I am both a little excited and very nervous?


----------



## Garry2012

So, with a short amount of time looking around in the dating world again, the few women i have talked to seem very eager to get committments, LTR, etc. Anyone else notice that? It could entirely be that i am hyper sensitive, just saying.


----------



## Awakening2012

muskrat said:


> I talked to Ms. Canada last night and she has looked into flights to come meet me. She told me to let her know what works for me and my children's schedule. She completely took me by surprise with this. There is a big tourist attraction near my home and she said she could use a nice vacation.
> In the past she has also told me she is not tied down and could move if she wants. She is also just starting to build a house though. She does have a daughter, but she is going to be a senior this year and then off to college.
> Is it strange that I am both a little excited and very nervous?


Hi Muskrat -

How lovely that she would come visit you, so the two of you can get to know each other and see if there is a connection. The main things I've been advised when considering a new relationship (and I'm not there yet) is to take it slowly, don't jump in too quick. Maybe this is stating the obvious (if so, sorry!). Along those lines, will she be staying in a hotel? That way you both have space and privacy during the visit, which can also ease your anxiety  

Cheers,- A12


----------



## Awakening2012

Garry2012 said:


> So, with a short amount of time looking around in the dating world again, the few women i have talked to seem very eager to get committments, LTR, etc. Anyone else notice that? It could entirely be that i am hyper sensitive, just saying.


Hi Garry2012 - 

In general, single women will definitely date without expectation of committment. However, I would venture that most (not all) will not want to have sex outside of at least an exclusivity committment (i.e. you mutually agree you are going to date only each other and not see others for the time being -- doesn't mean engagement or any guarantee of LTR, necessarily).

So you see what I mean, there's a difference between lunch and doing the wild thing 

Cheers,- A12


----------



## GettingBetter

Garry2012 said:


> So, with a short amount of time looking around in the dating world again, the few women i have talked to seem very eager to get committments, LTR, etc. Anyone else notice that? It could entirely be that i am hyper sensitive, just saying.


Yes!!! I had a lot o dates...lol, what can I do...i'm a good looking guy with lots of spare time. I was on match.com for 3 months, all I can say is WOW. The number of women who contacted me and wanted to meet the next day...i had no idea dating world is like this. To be completely honest I turned into a "player" if you want to call it that. I've had sex with at least 8 women in the last year. Some of them are still my FWB. If they are OK with that so am I. I havent told this to any of my friends...this is the first time I'm airing this. 
I will be honest and say that I do not feel bad about it. I tell all the girls when I first meet them that I am not 100% sure I want LTR and that I am dating others. 90% of them are OK with this. Desperation? I do not know...but I keep hearing that it's really hard to find a good guy.
Now I know some of you will judge me, and I understand why. But after being with all these women I am slowly loosing faith that I will find the "right one". It's scary. Most of them are ready for sex on the second date. 
I want a game...i want to chase her, if you know what I mean. I really doubt I will ever fall in love again. And you know what, right now I am OK with that....but I understand that is not the way to live. Maybe I am just enjoying my freedom too much now .
Oh, I do use protection every time!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

GettingBetter said:


> Yes!!! I had a lot o dates...lol, what can I do...i'm a good looking guy with lots of spare time. I was on match.com for 3 months, all I can say is WOW. The number of women who contacted me and wanted to meet the next day...i had no idea dating world is like this. To be completely honest I turned into a "player" if you want to call it that. I've had sex with at least 8 women in the last year. Some of them are still my FWB. If they are OK with that so am I. I havent told this to any of my friends...this is the first time I'm airing this.
> I will be honest and say that I do not feel bad about it. I tell all the girls when I first meet them that I am not 100% sure I want LTR and that I am dating others. 90% of them are OK with this. Desperation? I do not know...but I keep hearing that it's really hard to find a good guy.
> Now I know some of you will judge me, and I understand why. But after being with all these women I am slowly loosing faith that I will find the "right one". It's scary. Most of them are ready for sex on the second date.
> I want a game...i want to chase her, if you know what I mean. I really doubt I will ever fall in love again. And you know what, right now I am OK with that....but I understand that is not the way to live. Maybe I am just enjoying my freedom too much now .
> Oh, I do use protection every time!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for scaring the [email protected] out of me...Im planning on jumping back into match in the next few weeks myself. Im already worried enough that all im going to find are players or guys with a screw loose. And yes ultimately i want a LTR or marriage, however I move slowly because of my son, I need to make sure things are right. ... For me personally I wont have sex unless I was exclusive with a guy.


----------



## GettingBetter

unsure78 said:


> Thanks for scaring the [email protected] out of me...Im planning on jumping back into match in the next few weeks myself. Im already worried enough that all im going to find are players or guys with a screw loose. And yes ultimately i want a LTR or marriage, however I move slowly because of my son, I need to make sure things are right. ... For me personally I wont have sex unless I was exclusive with a guy.


Sorry, but for that very reason I am not on match any longer. I joined in hopes of finding the same thing youbare looking for. Never expected it to turn this way. I alwas thought us guys are the ones pushing for sex. Wel, was I in for a surprise. Now we both know that not all guys are the same. This goes for the women too. Bit every time I found someone I liked the second or third date would lead to sex. I mean I do love sex...but that is too soon for me. If I say no will she go find it somewhere else? There is no time to build the feelings.
No more match.com for me. I want something generic...if there is such thing after being divorced...we'll see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Camelia

The whole sex thing scares me to death. I was never promiscuous, but in my younger days I had fun. I met a couple of guys in college. Then I had a two year relationship. Then a couple more guys. Then I met my husband, and we were married for sixteen years, no affairs. At this point, I can't even imagine someone else touching me. It has been him for seventeen years! I know I will. I may even decide to do it with someone who I don't want an LTR with because, well, a girl does have needs. With that being said though, the whole disease thing terrifies me. Of course, at our age, I suppose we are old enough to know better. But still, the whole thing is freaky!!!:scratchhead:


----------



## Awakening2012

GettingBetter said:


> Most of them are ready for sex on the second date.
> *I want a game...i want to chase her, if you know what I mean. *I really doubt I will ever fall in love again. And you know what, right now I am OK with that....but I understand that is not the way to live. Maybe I am just enjoying my freedom too much now .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi GB - 

There are women who value their own self-worth enough to not chase a man and have easy sex. When I met my XH on a dating site nearly 8 years ago, I was newly single and found the inverse of what you describe -- the men I dated were taken aback that I would not have sex with them until I was in an exclusive relationship. They were used to so many women willing to have sex so quickly.

Those who really only wanted recreational sex, they moved on pretty quickly. I don't judge them but they did me a favor getting out of the way, pass the butter, it's a self-sorting process - LOL! But those who were really inteterested and were looking to mate not just date appreciated my boundary and found it refreshing -- and they loved the chase, courted me like crazy, and I would give back respect, time, attention and affection. But not sex, until exclusivity. When my now XH asked for exclusivity, I had to let go two very attractive younger men who were also courting me -- I joked with him about that (you see these other suitors I am giving up to be with you - LOL!).

IMHO, if you find yourself wanting more than causal sex, look for those you can court -- the ones who won't chase you, but who give back in terms of respect, time, attention and affection (not easy sex).

Best Wishes, A12


----------



## Garry2012

GettingBetter said:


> Yes!!! I had a lot o dates...lol, what can I do...i'm a good looking guy with lots of spare time. I was on match.com for 3 months, all I can say is WOW. The number of women who contacted me and wanted to meet the next day...i had no idea dating world is like this. To be completely honest I turned into a "player" if you want to call it that. I've had sex with at least 8 women in the last year. Some of them are still my FWB. If they are OK with that so am I. I havent told this to any of my friends...this is the first time I'm airing this.
> I will be honest and say that I do not feel bad about it. I tell all the girls when I first meet them that I am not 100% sure I want LTR and that I am dating others. 90% of them are OK with this. Desperation? I do not know...but I keep hearing that it's really hard to find a good guy.
> Now I know some of you will judge me, and I understand why. But after being with all these women I am slowly loosing faith that I will find the "right one". It's scary. Most of them are ready for sex on the second date.
> I want a game...i want to chase her, if you know what I mean. I really doubt I will ever fall in love again. And you know what, right now I am OK with that....but I understand that is not the way to live. Maybe I am just enjoying my freedom too much now .
> Oh, I do use protection every time!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No judging here. Yes...it seems to want to get physical very fast. I get the same thing....they struggle to find a decent/good guy..and i suppose we say the same thing. I have never been the player type, not sure I am ready to go that route...but it will be an interesting journey


----------



## Awakening2012

Garry2012 said:


> No judging here. Yes...it seems to want to get physical very fast. I get the same thing....they struggle to find a decent/good guy..and i suppose we say the same thing. I have never been the player type, not sure I am ready to go that route...but it will be an interesting journey


Hi Garry -

I think it is so funny how women say they struggle to find a decent guy. They are everywhere! It is easy to find one if you know how to go about it -- i.e. setting a boundary of not having sex without exclusivity, but offering respect, time, attention and affection. It sorts the players from the decents very nicely  Same for men looking for a "decent" woman: you will know her by her charm, wit, brains, respect, kindness and the fact that she loves herself enough to not romatically bond without exclusivity.

For men and women who want casual sex -- how nice that it is so easy to find, and no judgement there! But you get what you pay for 

Cheers,- A12


----------



## GettingBetter

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi Garry -
> 
> I think it is so funny how women say they struggle to find a decent guy. They are everywhere! It is easy to find one if you know how to go about it -- i.e. setting a boundary of not having sex without exclusivity, but offering respect, time, attention and affection. It sorts the players from the decents very nicely  Same for men looking for a "decent" woman: you will know her by her charm, wit, brains, respect, kindness and the fact that she loves herself enough to not romatically bond without exclusivity.
> 
> For men and women who want casual sex -- how nice that it is so easy to find, and no judgement there! But you get what you pay for
> 
> Cheers,- A12


These are the same women that have sex on the second date...lol. But what is the point of telling her you want exclusivity if she wants sex. She will just go to the next guy. I am more than happy to oblige their wishes. 
And I would never consider myself a player. It's these women that brought the player in me. 
Lets be honest here, sex is fun. This thread is under LAD. So in a way most of us are sex starved. So I just donot see anything wrong with having a lot of sex with different willing participants. It's not like you are cheating. Yes, STD's are real...but as I said, even in exclusive R I would use protection in the begining. 
So just go out there, have fun. Do what feels right to you. Keep ot for yourself (and TAM), be safe...and once you had your fun and get tired of it maybe the right one will show up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

GettingBetter said:


> These are the same women that have sex on the second date...lol. *But what is the point of telling her you want exclusivity if she wants sex. She will just go to the next guy. I am more than happy to oblige their wishes. *
> And I would never consider myself a player. It's these women that brought the player in me.
> Lets be honest here, sex is fun. This thread is under LAD. So in a way most of us are sex starved. So I just donot see anything wrong with having a lot of sex with different willing participants. It's not like you are cheating. Yes, STD's are real...but as I said, even in exclusive R I would use protection in the begining.
> So just go out there, have fun. Do what feels right to you. Keep ot for yourself (and TAM), be safe...and once you had your fun and get tired of it maybe the right one will show up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's just how you feel about it though. 

Some don't mind being another notch in the belt. 

Some do mind being another notch in the belt. 

Post divorce, I've had offers for sex and "exclusive relationships". So far, I've turned down both. It's all in where my frame of mind is right now. 

Same thing for you. Right now your frame of mind is ABC and there is no shortage of rejection. 

For now, and this will sound pathetic. But it's really nice just to have women, friends or otherwise tell me how cool, awesome, funny, good looking, charming, muscular (ha!) or whatever other compliment they come up with. 

The sex offers are still pretty cool though. Can't deny that.


----------



## Awakening2012

GettingBetter said:


> Lets be honest here, sex is fun. This thread is under LAD. So in a way most of us are sex starved. So I just donot see anything wrong with having a lot of sex with different willing participants. It's not like you are cheating.


No argument here, whatever makes you happy! As I said, for those (both men and women) who want casual sex it is luckily not hard to find.  

Not judging it, and never said there was anything wrong with it.


----------



## muskrat

There is nothing wrong with casual sex as long as both participants know that is all it is. However, I have read many posts here saying they want a nice woman that will not jump into bed without exclusivity. Please remember guys, this works both ways. Woman may want a guy that hasn't slept with half the town just because the other women wanted sex. People say women should respect themselves not to jump into bed right away. Well a man should respect himself enough not to jump into bed with every women that offers.
Don't expect from others what you yourself can not give.

In the mean time if you only want to have sex, have at it. Just please be safe.


----------



## GettingBetter

Awakening2012 said:


> No argument here, whatever makes you happy! As I said, for those (both men and women) who want casual sex it is luckily not hard to find.
> 
> Not judging it, and never said there was anything wrong with it.


Thank you. And I assume my confession ruined any chances of taking you out on a date .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

LOL! You stud, you! Only if we are going to be exclusive  Hee, hee!!!


----------



## GettingBetter

Awakening2012 said:


> LOL! You stud, you! Only if we are going to be exclusive  Hee, hee!!!


I've heard that one before. Does the exclusivity start on a second date? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

GettingBetter said:


> I've heard that one before. Does the exclusivity start on a second date? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, right before the sex, lol.


----------



## GettingBetter

I'd rather start it after the sex. Just in case it was not good. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

GettingBetter said:


> I'd rather start it after the sex. Just in case it was not good. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not joking when I say this. 

I have this irrational fear of a woman wanting to commit after two dates then sex where I was just "meh" about it. 

Again, I know it's irrational.


----------



## GettingBetter

I am not kidding when I say I have irrational fear of not wanting sex any more. Really, to be completely honest I have not been "blown" away by any of these women. Sex was just OK. Maybe I am used to making love for 12 years. Sex with my ex wife (not after D) wws something different. It was not as frequent as we both wanted it...but It was real love making. 
Now it's just sex...nothing more, nothing less. Yet I can't live without it. I do not think I am a sex addict...just venting my frustrations thru sex. Still better than alcohol or drugs.
But back to fear of losing sex drive. Does anyone feel this way? That sex is not the same as it used to be. Not as exciting...that one day you just might go meh, I can live without it. Maybe it's just my expectations towards it? And I am not talking about having porn star type of sex...
You know, as I type this I realized sex is just that...just a basic human need. Same as being thirsty....as soon as you have that sip of water you are better and ready to move on. Just an empty action. Just a basic need. Or even just a want, not even a need. But love and sex! Now that is something completely different....
Aaahhh...f*** you XW for doing this to me....lol. making me question sex.


----------



## hope4family

GettingBetter said:


> I am not kidding when I say I have irrational fear of not wanting sex any more. Really, to be completely honest I have not been "blown" away by any of these women. Sex was just OK. Maybe I am used to making love for 12 years. Sex with my ex wife (not after D) wws something different. It was not as frequent as we both wanted it...but It was real love making.
> Now it's just sex...nothing more, nothing less. Yet I can't live without it. I do not think I am a sex addict...just venting my frustrations thru sex. Still better than alcohol or drugs.
> But back to fear of losing sex drive. Does anyone feel this way? That sex is not the same as it used to be. Not as exciting...that one day you just might go meh, I can live without it. Maybe it's just my expectations towards it? And I am not talking about having porn star type of sex...
> You know, as I type this I realized sex is just that...just a basic human need. Same as being thirsty....as soon as you have that sip of water you are better and ready to move on. Just an empty action. Just a basic need. Or even just a want, not even a need. But love and sex! Now that is something completely different....
> Aaahhh...f*** you XW for doing this to me....lol. making me question sex.


It's rough. I understand. Ex-wife ruined it for you. Lot's of ways I feel similar to you.

I know when I find the right one, sex drive and interest wont be an issue.


----------



## angelpixie

I hear it's like riding a bicycle. Hopefully, I won't have forgotten how to do that, too.


----------



## Awakening2012

I can totally relate. Maybe this will will change over time. Be patient with yourself,OK?


----------



## muskrat

If you wait until you meet a woman that you really connect with, you will be making love again. Then maybe you will have the feeling you are looking for. As long as you keep having casual sex with any woman that is willing, it will just be sex and it sounds like you desire something deeper than that.


----------



## Ceegee

Camelia said:


> Well, this thread has amused me to no end, I must say. Ya'll are fun! I am really a ways from dating ( I think) but am kinda getting myself prepared. I hate to say it, after the thread took such a light hearted turn, but now I am a bit discouraged. I will be forty in two weeks, and have two children. And while I am working on my body after letting it go, I am not smoking hot by any means. So does that mean that I am not going to have any one want to date me? I'm also a little crazy, but I don't have any cut scars!!! I think there are other things I have going for me. I am funny, and intelligent, I can hold my end of a conversation well, and I do not take myself too seriously. And with me, what you see is what you get. And as the saying goes, I have a pretty face. So, do my goods outweigh my bads?


Started out early on this thread but haven't kept up. I'm new to LAD. You guys are much more fun than the GRDorS crowd. 

I had to comment in this one. Camellia, you will be happy to know that many of us guys prefer the "womanly" look. I do not like abs or fake boobs on women (no offense to anyone - just personal preference). I want my woman to look like a woman; not a 12 year old gymnast. 

I like hips. I like azz. I'm a man that likes to feel his woman when I hug her. 

I am 6'0", 185 lbs and relatively fit. 

I am sure you are beautiful just the way you are.


----------



## Ceegee

Garry2012 said:


> So, with a short amount of time looking around in the dating world again, the few women i have talked to seem very eager to get committments, LTR, etc. Anyone else notice that? It could entirely be that i am hyper sensitive, just saying.


I have found this to be true as well. The more they give, the more they want. Covert contracts all over again.


----------



## Ceegee

unsure78 said:


> Thanks for scaring the [email protected] out of me...Im planning on jumping back into match in the next few weeks myself. Im already worried enough that all im going to find are players or guys with a screw loose. And yes ultimately i want a LTR or marriage, however I move slowly because of my son, I need to make sure things are right. ... For me personally I wont have sex unless I was exclusive with a guy.


Good. You will go further by not going all the way.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Thanks for scaring the [email protected] out of me...Im planning on jumping back into match in the next few weeks myself. Im already worried enough that all im going to find are players or guys with a screw loose. And yes ultimately i want a LTR or marriage, however I move slowly because of my son, I need to make sure things are right. ... For me personally I wont have sex unless I was exclusive with a guy.


Offhand i'd say you meet about 70% of what I am looking for in my next relationship. 

What's your number? I hope you like Coffee. I am a big fan of Chai Tea too.


----------



## GettingBetter

hope4family said:


> Offhand i'd say you meet about 70% of what I am looking for in my next relationship.
> 
> What's your number? I hope you like Coffee. I am a big fan of Chai Tea too.


Hey, easy there. We are exclusive! Lol


----------



## hope4family

GettingBetter said:


> Hey, easy there. We are exclusive! Lol


lol Momma taught me nothing is exclusive until that wedding ring is on. 

Oh momma, why did you wait till I was 25 to say that to me?

Besides, you afraid of healthy competition? I may not get the girl, but worse case, i'll be her EA. 

Ok guys/gals relax. It's all tongue in cheek. Stop triggering.


----------



## Nsweet

I'll jump on board with you guys. I guess I'll introduce myself like a dating profile first. 

I'm 25, been single for 3yrs, divorced 1 yr this month, no kids. 6' even, 192, Caucasian, drk brown hair, drk brown eyes, geek sheik glasses, no tattoos, pierced tongue My last job was as an electronic technician, navigation department, on a 688-Ohio class submarine, and I haven't worked since. 

I was in college for electronic engineering but I dropped out again last year when the divorce got the best of me and I went from A's and B's to F's, shortly before I lost it all. I've sex once since and only once since the divorce was final, remaining faithful the entire time, but I haven't wanted anything to do with relationships since then.

I've been told I would make a good husband, mostly by happily married women. I keep getting all the signs of attraction, and I know them all too well. But I've no job, no ambition, I'm awaiting help with SSI and the VA for PTSD and counseling. I'm too much of a mess right now to be worried about dating again.I've thought long and hard about dating, I just don't see it happening *AT ALL.* 

My only hope at this point would be to find a loving divorced woman in her 30s who would be willing to empathize with the divorce issues and work with me. But I don't want to end up someone's special project or fixer upper boyfriend. So it would either have to be a slowly progressing platonic relationship while I get my life back together, or woman well off enough to support me in exchange for undying loyalty.


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I am not kidding when I say I have irrational fear of not wanting sex any more. Really, to be completely honest I have not been "blown" away by any of these women. Sex was just OK. Maybe I am used to making love for 12 years. Sex with my ex wife (not after D) wws something different. It was not as frequent as we both wanted it...but It was real love making.
> Now it's just sex...nothing more, nothing less. Yet I can't live without it. I do not think I am a sex addict...just venting my frustrations thru sex. Still better than alcohol or drugs.
> But back to fear of losing sex drive. Does anyone feel this way? That sex is not the same as it used to be. Not as exciting...that one day you just might go meh, I can live without it. Maybe it's just my expectations towards it? And I am not talking about having porn star type of sex...
> You know, as I type this I realized sex is just that...just a basic human need. Same as being thirsty....as soon as you have that sip of water you are better and ready to move on. Just an empty action. Just a basic need. Or even just a want, not even a need. But love and sex! Now that is something completely different....
> Aaahhh...f*** you XW for doing this to me....lol. making me question sex.


Don't worry about this. I know for a fact that the right person is going to make it dang near mind blowing. It will be different, and oh so sweet. Let it go.....


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Offhand i'd say you meet about 70% of what I am looking for in my next relationship.
> 
> What's your number? I hope you like Coffee. I am a big fan of Chai Tea too.


Lol im drinking coffee right now actually.... hmmm i would guess im closer to 90% of what you are looking for, cause im pretty awesome  ( I have some TAM Veterans as references if needed) 

Thanks for making me smile today


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Lol im drinking coffee right now actually.... hmmm i would guess im closer to 90% of what you are looking for, cause im pretty awesome  ( I have some TAM Veterans as references if needed)
> 
> Thanks for making me smile today



I'll back that up. The only thing wrong with you is where you live.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Lol im drinking coffee right now actually.... hmmm i would guess im closer to 90% of what you are looking for, cause im pretty awesome  ( I have some TAM Veterans as references if needed)
> 
> Thanks for making me smile today


Coffee and clever sarcasm puts you at 92.7%.

But whats this I hear about where you live? 

You don't live in Florida?


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> You don't live in Florida?


She's a Chi-town girl.


----------



## unsure78

sorry Chicago girl here...


----------



## hope4family

Pbartender said:


> She's a Chi-town girl.


Well then I guess i'm stuck to using my internet strengths. (As if she can't read this.)

Clever wit and conversation. 

@unsure
Chi-town. My Dads from Chi-Town! Got some friends going up there for a Blues dance soon. Wish I could go. But raising a kid is worth not going. 

Maybe next year.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I'll back that up. The only thing wrong with you is where you live.


Thanks Muskrat


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Well then I guess i'm stuck to using my internet strengths. (As if she can't read this.)
> 
> Clever wit and conversation.
> 
> @unsure
> Chi-town. My Dads from Chi-Town! Got some friends going up there for a Blues dance soon. Wish I could go. But raising a kid is worth not going.
> 
> Maybe next year.


Kids always some first


----------



## Almostrecovered

hey if you need a pimp, I'm game


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> hey if you need a pimp, I'm game


depends... what would you cut be AR?


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Thanks Muskrat


Just stating the facts. If I lived closer I would give you a chance to shoot me down.
Heck if all us TAM guys lived near Chi-town, You would run out of ways to say your not interested.:rofl:


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> depends... what would you cut be AR?


just need to sample the goods


----------



## hope4family

Almostrecovered said:


> just need to sample the goods


I'll volunteer. You're biased and you know it.


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> just need to sample the goods


hahahahahah.... you are the best AR


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Kids always some first


Indeed they do. 

If we start planning now.....


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Just stating the facts. If I lived closer I would give you a chance to shoot me down.
> Heck if all us TAM guys lived near Chi-town, You would run out of ways to say your not interested.:rofl:


truth is right now the the engineer really knocked me down hard... I really though he was the real deal, he said and did everything right until the end (which was so sudden)....I had hope after my divorce that i would find someone great. Right now i wonder if i will ever find someone that has all im looking for or am i just going to be alone forever.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> I'll volunteer. You're biased and you know it.


That's a big gamble you dont even know what I look like...


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> That's a big gamble you dont even know what I look like...



I do, and she's a total fox
worth the plane fare from Florida


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> truth is right now the the engineer really knocked me down hard... I really though he was the real deal, he said and did everything right until the end (which was so sudden)....I had hope after my divorce that i would find someone great. Right now i wonder if i will ever find someone that has all im looking for or am i just going to be alone forever.


look, I know the end sucked and it's been a big hit to you

BUT

you really had a positive and fun time with him for almost a year, yes?


It was your first big relationship out of an awful divorce. You can either look on it as a learning experience as to what you want and gain confidence from it knowing you can find a good man OR wallow in the pity that it didn't work out as you hoped. 

Most relationships don't work, but you don't abstain from trying because you will miss out on life and love

Lick your wounds dear and get back out there. You're too fabulous for the world to not have you out there.


----------



## muskrat

Almostrecovered said:


> I do, and she's a total fox
> worth the plane fare from Florida


I second this. :iagree:


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> truth is right now the the engineer really knocked me down hard... I really though he was the real deal, he said and did everything right until the end (which was so sudden)....I had hope after my divorce that i would find someone great. Right now i wonder if i will ever find someone that has all im looking for or am i just going to be alone forever.


I get this. You just need to take some time to recover. You may have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince.
You are a fantastic woman and there is some lucky guy out there who will be lucky to have you.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> That's a big gamble you dont even know what I look like...


Funny I could say the same for you...

Or do you know what I look like? 

And if that works for you..................


----------



## hope4family

Almostrecovered said:


> I do, and she's a total fox
> worth the plane fare from Florida





muskrat said:


> I second this. :iagree:


Talk about hype men. Now i'm going to go scowering the "post a recent pic of yourself thread." 



unsure78 said:


> truth is right now the the engineer really knocked me down hard... I really though he was the real deal, he said and did everything right until the end (which was so sudden)....I had hope after my divorce that i would find someone great. Right now i wonder if i will ever find someone that has all im looking for or am i just going to be alone forever.


Try to look at it this way. 

For whatever reason it didn't work out. You are awesome, and he is awesome. Both of you or him just couldn't make it work. 

Outside of marriage, that's more then great, that's exemplary. 

I had an offer for a relationship not soon after my ex-wife left. I stated a boundary I couldn't back off from. She decided it just wasn't worth it. I believe we were both perfect for each other in every other way. 

We just had a boundary we couldn't agree to. She is still awesome, I am still awesome.


----------



## Nsweet

Almostrecovered said:


> hey if you need a pimp, I'm game


Hey, butt out of my game. No one's takes sugar from daddy. 

Nom saying? 

New girls get a 40% cut, and 5% more for every 15 returning customers (or one new girl pulled in), that can go on up to 60% in a year or two with them leading groups of newbies. After that they do have opportunity to earn 75% of all sales and be the managing ho's, with medical and dental benefits, with one pro being the elected bottom b!tch every 4 years.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Hey, butt out of my game. No one's takes sugar from daddy.
> 
> Nom saying?
> 
> New girls get a 40% cut, and 5% more for every 15 returning customers (or one new girl pulled in), that can go on up to 60% in a year or two with them leading groups of newbies. After that they do have opportunity to earn 75% of all sales and be the managing ho's, with medical and dental benefits, with one pro being the elected bottom b!tch every 4 years.



Sounds comprehensive, but will you offer them paid time off? Or no since it's technically "work from home"?


----------



## Nsweet

Up to one full paid month off a year, 10 sick days, and daycare.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Hey, butt out of my game. No one's takes sugar from daddy.
> 
> Nom saying?
> 
> New girls get a 40% cut, and 5% more for every 15 returning customers (or one new girl pulled in), that can go on up to 60% in a year or two with them leading groups of newbies. After that they do have opportunity to earn 75% of all sales and be the managing ho's, with medical and dental benefits, with one pro being the elected bottom b!tch every 4 years.


ooo medical and dental benefits... wow you are good Nsweet


----------



## Almostrecovered

when he says "medical and dental" he means anal probes and all the toothpicks you want


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> look, I know the end sucked and it's been a big hit to you
> 
> BUT
> 
> you really had a positive and fun time with him for almost a year, yes?
> 
> 
> It was your first big relationship out of an awful divorce. You can either look on it as a learning experience as to what you want and gain confidence from it knowing you can find a good man OR wallow in the pity that it didn't work out as you hoped.
> 
> Most relationships don't work, but you don't abstain from trying because you will miss out on life and love
> 
> Lick your wounds dear and get back out there. You're too fabulous for the world to not have you out there.



Im getting there AR... I am allowed to do some poor me, I know it will all be ok... and if not you or Nsweet can pimp me out... hes offering a pretty good deal right now


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Talk about hype men. Now i'm going to go scowering the "post a recent pic of yourself thread."


you wont find my pic out in the open .. only for my friends


----------



## Almostrecovered

$20 for copies, PM me for paypal


----------



## hope4family

Almostrecovered said:


> $20 for copies, PM me for paypal


I've been burned by these types of offers before....

Does unsure get a cut?


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> you wont find my pic out in the open .. only for my friends


Attraction Meter rising 93%.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> truth is right now the the engineer really knocked me down hard... I really though he was the real deal, he said and did everything right until the end (which was so sudden)....I had hope after my divorce that i would find someone great. Right now i wonder if i will ever find someone that has all im looking for or am i just going to be alone forever.


Sounds more like a relationship forged out of care-taking than two interdependent people with shared values and common goals. It's actually quite selfish, not that you meant it to be. But how can you place all the blame on yourself for not finding the right guy, when you never even healed from your divorce. It's probably old childhood wounds that have been reopened, abandonment and intimacy issues mostly. 

And a year really? It's a good think things fell apart then because that's the right amount of time for the mask to come off and all the crazy he's been hiding to seep out. I'm willing to bet is your relationship fell to pieces and he mostered out on you after a year, he probably had some pretty serious red flags when you were first dating. 

The only way you're going to get over this and find a better guy, is you do all the work necessary to dig into your past relationships, starting with your parents, and learn something about yourself. I kid you not, it's the only way was able to narrowly avoid two women after my divorce who were worse than my ex wife.


----------



## GettingBetter

Being in Chi-town I feel its my obligation to take you out on a date .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

of course she gets a cut, it's available in an Ugandan prince's account


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Im getting there AR... I am allowed to do some poor me, I know it will all be ok... and if not you or Nsweet can pimp me out... hes offering a pretty good deal right now


I gotta try you out first and see if you're good. After that I'll set you up with the doctor.

And by medical and dental I mean crystal meth and pliers.:rofl:

This is a horrible joke.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Sounds more like a relationship forged out of care-taking than two interdependent people with shared values and common goals. It's actually quite selfish, not that you meant it to be. But how can you place all the blame on yourself for not finding the right guy, when you never even healed from your divorce. It's probably old childhood wounds that have been reopened, abandonment and intimacy issues mostly.
> 
> And a year really? It's a good think things fell apart then because that's the right amount of time for the mask to come off and all the crazy he's been hiding to seep out. I'm willing to bet is your relationship fell to pieces and he mostered out on you after a year, he probably had some pretty serious red flags when you were first dating.
> 
> The only way you're going to get over this and find a better guy, is you do all the work necessary to dig into your past relationships, starting with your parents, and learn something about yourself. I kid you not, it's the only way was able to narrowly avoid two women after my divorce who were worse than my ex wife.


Actually we had shared values, same lifestyle, physically compatible, intellectually compatible but...

you are 100% correct Nsweet... he freaked out after a year when it was time to move forward, it was all his issues, he even admitted it, he thought he could overcome his issues for me ... he hid things very well from me as we did not spend that much time together due to us both having kids

Im in IC again, just started with a new therapist


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I gotta try you out first and see if you're good. After that I'll set you up with the doctor.
> 
> And by medical and dental I mean crystal meth and pliers.:rofl:
> 
> This is a horrible joke.


it made me laugh


----------



## unsure78

GettingBetter said:


> Being in Chi-town I feel its my obligation to take you out on a date .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dont know, we all know what you expect on a second date now  and im not that type of girl....


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> you wont find my pic out in the open .. only for my friends


You guys don't know what you're missing out on. She's really pretty.

Think like the hottest mom you knew in grade school, with some church woman thrown in, and uh God... It's gotta be a Swedish or French look with green eyes. I gotta say, she look like that one woman at the office everybody gets in trouble for flirting with.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> You guys don't know what you're missing out on. She's really pretty.
> 
> Think like the hottest mom you knew in grade school, with some church woman thrown in, and uh God... It's gotta be a Swedish or French look with green eyes. I gotta say, she look like that one woman at the office everybody gets in trouble for flirting with.


Unsure....

That's a lot of hype. 

Sounds too good to be true when you throw everything else into the equation. 

Right now, I also don't need perfection or someone who see's me as a project, I need someone to grow with.


----------



## angelpixie

Seems like you have your choice of hats, here, Unsure. 

Plus job security and bennies. I'd take this deal if I were you.


----------



## muskrat

Alright another hotty showed up for all us guys to fawn over.

Don't get jealous Unsure, I believe there are more than enough men here to go around. Dang you ladies are lucky, get to chose. This thread is fast becoming a new hat store for women.


----------



## unsure78

it is nice to feel wanted once in a while ;-) hmm but which one to choose
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Next thing you know. We'll all start posting profiles, with car we drive, places we live, annual salary and benefits, and lest we forget "internet hat size measurements" that typically add 3-4 hat sizes.


----------



## muskrat

That would not be good. I am a country bumpkin and I live a very simple life. My car is not one that attracts the opposite sex, that is for sure.


----------



## Nsweet

I don't need "internet measurements", I make a quarter look like a nickel. 

Ask Dazzler.


----------



## muskrat

He may be short but he's cute. What he can't reach he will shoot.:rofl:


----------



## GettingBetter

unsure78 said:


> I dont know, we all know what you expect on a second date now  and im not that type of girl....


Hey now, I do not expect that...but it's freely given to me. And I am too weak to say no 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I for one am glad she's not that type of girl. She's not really my type anyways, but I certainly wouldn't give her a chance if she wasn't much of a challenge. I like to work for my meals.


----------



## muskrat

I agree.
The problem us guys have is we live by a double standard. We want a challenge, maybe so do the women?
We say it is freely given and we can't say no. Would we respect a woman who slept with every man that offered? I doubt it.


----------



## Nsweet

I respect the double-agent standard. I like a challenge, I like to be a challenge, and I think we both like sex. And I don't think it's the woman who's always vulnerable either, she can engulf your thing and make her her little b!tch too.


----------



## LovesHerMan

Nsweet said:


> make you her little b!tch too.


Not without your permission.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> I don't need "internet measurements", I make a quarter look like a nickel.
> 
> Ask Dazzler.



Just what exactly are you implying here?!


----------



## Nsweet

lovesherman said:


> Not without your permission.


You get what you pay for.


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> That would not be good. I am a country bumpkin and I live a very simple life. My car is not one that attracts the opposite sex, that is for sure.


If your car is enough to make a woman walk away, MR, she's not worth it. There are many reasons people drive the cars they do.


----------



## Almostrecovered

I dunno, there's a few cars I could see walking out over...


----------



## angelpixie

Well, you have a point there, AR. I was thinking about more conventional cars. Not 'Clown Convention'al cars.


----------



## Pbartender

Awakening2012 said:


> Looking great! Very dashing, and you have a killer smile





zillard said:


> Nice. cold @ss ******!





Awakening2012 said:


> Wow, PB!... ...You do realize this skill will have the side benefit of knocking your sexy rating off the charts when you starte dating  Nice!!!





happyman64 said:


> So lets see some more of those sausages PB....





Awakening2012 said:


> Or start a You Tube series, and become an internet sensation, with single ladies from across the globe hankering to meet you!
> :smthumbup:





Bullwinkle said:


> PB, will you marry me? I will be sensitive to your feelings, you can have close male friends....



Just sayin'...


----------



## hope4family

PB I could never outclass you. 

Quote it!


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> PB I could never outclass you.


I can provide tutoring for a reasonable fee.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Just sayin'...


You do realize, Pb, that 3 of those 6 quotes are from 3 different guys, and that the other 3 are from the same women. And the following post was from another guy. Not that there's anything wrong with that... :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> You do realize, Pb, that 3 of those 6 quotes are from 3 different guys, and that the other 3 are from the same women. And the following post was from another guy. Not that there's anything wrong with that... :rofl:


(Yes, I do... That was the punchline.) 

On the other hand, I do have a date to go wine-tasting tomorrow night with a beautiful woman who I've been chatting with for the last week.


----------



## Garry2012

sounds like a nice date....


----------



## jpr

mmmm....wine. Makes me frisky.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> You do realize, Pb, that 3 of those 6 quotes are from 3 different guys, and that the other 3 are from the same women. And the following post was from another guy. Not that there's anything wrong with that... :rofl:


Okay. So, the other half of the punchline is that four of those posts are in regards to my skills in the kitchen, and the other two are posts admiring my thrift store styles.


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, there are some of us who'd find those exact things very appealing.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Hey, there are some of us who'd find those exact things very appealing.


Don't I know it.


----------



## whitehawk

Garry2012 said:


> So, with a short amount of time looking around in the dating world again, the few women i have talked to seem very eager to get committments, LTR, etc. Anyone else notice that? It could entirely be that i am hyper sensitive, just saying.




Don't get it , Other threads are saying the girls get 100s of emails !


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> truth is right now the the engineer really knocked me down hard... I really though he was the real deal, he said and did everything right until the end (which was so sudden)....I had hope after my divorce that i would find someone great. Right now i wonder if i will ever find someone that has all im looking for or am i just going to be alone forever.



Same here , Nothings come close to x yet. I know that's a bad way to think but hey , they haven't .
X will never match me either , wonder what all that means  EFFD UP !


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Don't get it , Other threads are saying the girls get 100s of emails !


Its sad to say but it really comes down to how attractive you are... if you are a woman and at least fairly attractive you get a lot of emails. If you are a man and attractive , I hear you get inundated with offers from women for casual ( or so I hear)


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Its sad to say but it really comes down to how attractive you are... if you are a woman and at least fairly attractive you get a lot of emails. If you are a man and attractive , I hear you get inundated with offers from women for casual ( or so I hear)


I had a friend telling me yesterday that I should probably try the online dating thing. 

I just hate it so much. 

But, I am considering changing my mind to see what its like.


----------



## unsure78

it worked for me after my divorce, being a working single mom of a 5 yr old, (ex only sees him every other weekend and that's only been the last couple months) I found it an easy way to meet people. I tried to take it more as just having fun and meeting new people. I think the key is not to take it to seriously. I found someone rather quickly actually (engy). I am going back to it.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Its sad to say but it really comes down to how attractive you are... if you are a woman and at least fairly attractive you get a lot of emails. If you are a man and attractive , I hear you get inundated with offers from women for casual ( or so I hear)


What, are you talking about dating sites? I'll have you know I got more offers by leaving my pic off and writing a kick ass headline and article than I ever did relying on my looks. I'm a good looking guy too, and I did better on those sites having women ask me for pics. 

But I got tons of PMs from girls that creeped me out beyond belief. I mean though only serial killers and poets sent cryptic quatrains about love and destiny, turns out young women can copy and paste those too. And then there was all the rude probing questions about my divorce, because I clicked that box. All they needed to know was that the divorce was final, not ask me in the first email what happened and why. 

There's a reason the dating world weans out the weirdos and it seems like all the good ones are taken, that's because good women like yourself are never single or casually dating for long. But these weirdos you meet line, check their "member since" date, they'll keep going back to those places when they've thoroughly burned all their bridges in the immediate area.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> What, are you talking about dating sites? I'll have you know I got more offers by leaving my pic off and writing a kick ass headline and article than I ever did relying on my looks. I'm a good looking guy too, and I did better on those sites having women ask me for pics.
> 
> But I got tons of PMs from girls that creeped me out beyond belief. I mean though only serial killers and poets sent cryptic quatrains about love and destiny, turns out young women can copy and paste those too. And then there was all the rude probing questions about my divorce, because I clicked that box. All they needed to know was that the divorce was final, not ask me in the first email what happened and why.
> 
> There's a reason the dating world weans out the weirdos and it seems like all the good ones are taken, that's because good women like yourself are never single or casually dating for long. But these weirdos you meet line, check their "member since" date, they'll keep going back to those places when they've thoroughly burned all their bridges in the immediate area.


Oh yea i got a ton of creepy guys too... I used to print them out so we could all get a kick out of them at my work. Yea I do wonder about the ones that have been around a while.. It does seem that good ones get taken pretty quickly..


----------



## Nsweet

If you need help in that area, I show you a thing or two. When I started out I got nothing but psychotic women, literally my first blind date wasn't even herself..... She was a fat girl with multiple personalities still in high school. She had two completely different personalities and could change her face and eye color as well as have one sing and remember things the others could not. 

SoI had to go back and change a few things from time to time. Then I had to keep tweeking it because what you say, what you check off, what you wear, and everything can make a big difference in a good or bad way. And you have to not be cheeky or make any sexual or strange jokes, not make yourself seem like a party girl or too much fun, and not look like you're looking to trap a man into marriage. It's all way too complicated, but it all comes down to selling yourself while trying to stand out as a someone different. 

What I found worked best was to check out all the material out there on "how to write dating profiles", which there are whole websites dedicated to this and people who will write it for you for $40. But you can do it yourself, you just have to be very careful and oddly enough, I kid you not you if you're looking for a relationship your profile has to look like you don't need a dating site to find someone, but you're willing to try. 

Personally though, I think you're better off using a dating profile like you would the stock market. That is to let it ride and only play with it using spare time/money, and then keep your day job and approach real men in the real world. Use it as a back up plan, and a very last resort at that. It's a good thing when you work over 60hrs+ a week, but you have a better chance of the guy behind you in line at Starbuck being more genuine than you do meeting Mr. Right online. 

And don't even get me started on the dating sites that allow naked pics. If I can see what's behind the mystery curtain, I won't want the prize. Those sites just cheapen dating too much to be something I would consider messing with. Ok I was a member of one, but I was too grossed out by the easy women there.


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> Lately, I've been catagorizing men based on their response to my pics. I'm probably totally off in thinking of their comments this way and I need to stop but I can't seem to help myself-
> 
> Cute= You are attractive, not really my type but I'd go out with you.
> 
> Beautiful=I'm really attracted to you and I want to get to know you better.
> 
> Sexy= I want to have sex with you.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> However, I am also wondering if the age of the man plays a factor in this. More research is needed.


Ehhh, close but not exactly. Don't worry I'll break it down for you. 

Cute = Attractive

Attractive = Beautiful

Beautiful = Gorgeous 

Gorgeous= Sexy

Sexy = Hot

Hot = F*ckable. 

F*cking Hot = Porn Star Attractiveness

Everything takes a step back with the code, and guys only scale it back so they can give you a compliment without seeming like they're trying too hard to hit on you, and to keep you from brushing them off as "nice guys". "Hot" and "sexy" can mean very beautiful, but it's too open for debate so guys will say something lesser to keep from sounding too over the top. It's like how when I say "you look hot", I mean "you look really beautiful", but I've been told it's a cultural and generation thing for it to mean something else.


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Its sad to say but it really comes down to how attractive you are... if you are a woman and at least fairly attractive you get a lot of emails. If you are a man and attractive , I hear you get inundated with offers from women for casual ( or so I hear)


I must be pretty unattractive then. I always figured I was at least average. I never got swamped with messages and the ones I do get are from crazy women or women 5+ years older than me who are ummm how to put this.....pleasantly plump.
I know putting separated on the profile didn't help and my writing could have been better. I am sure my wardrobe could be improved (JPR, we need to work on this. lol) and I need better pics. All my pics are self photo's and I have a hard time taking good pics of myself. I never was a fan of having my pics taken, so most pics I do have include my kids or my ex. I refuse to post any of these. My ex for obvious reasons and I do not want pics of my kids out there for any creeps to view.


----------



## Conrad

Get someone to take your picture on your motorcycle.

You'll end up having to block messages.


----------



## muskrat

Nsweet said:


> Ehhh, close but not exactly. Don't worry I'll break it down for you.
> 
> Cute = Attractive
> 
> Attractive = Beautiful
> 
> Beautiful = Gorgeous
> 
> Gorgeous= Sexy
> 
> Sexy = Hot
> 
> Hot = F*ckable.
> 
> F*cking Hot = Porn Star Attractiveness
> 
> Everything takes a step back with the code, and guys only scale it back so they can give you a compliment without seeming like they're trying too hard to hit on you, and to keep you from brushing them off as "nice guys". "Hot" and "sexy" can mean very beautiful, but it's too open for debate so guys will say something lesser to keep from sounding too over the top. It's like how when I say "you look hot", I mean "you look really beautiful", but I've been told it's a cultural and generation thing for it to mean something else.


I never sent many messages. Never had the energy to write a lot of well thought out messages only to get no response.
I always try to avoid commenting on pics. I usually tried to write about something they wrote in their profile to show I actually read the profile. If I did comment on appearance, I would stick to a feature. Something like your eyes are very captivating and beautiful.


----------



## muskrat

Conrad said:


> Get someone to take your picture on your motorcycle.
> 
> You'll end up having to block messages.


Are you saying chicks dig Harley's? I guess I need to finish rebuilding my engine and get that thing back on the road then.


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> Are you saying chicks dig Harley's? I guess I need to finish rebuilding my engine and get that thing back on the road then.


Count on it.


----------



## Garry2012

I sometimes will downplay it too, and say a girl is "cute". I know if a woman hits on me too hard, sometimes it seems too much too soon. just sayin.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> I never sent many messages. Never had the energy to write a lot of well thought out messages only to get no response.
> I always try to avoid commenting on pics. I usually tried to write about something they wrote in their profile to show I actually read the profile. If I did comment on appearance, I would stick to a feature. Something like your eyes are very captivating and beautiful.


You never sent many messages? That's your first problem. You have to send out tons and tons of messages and tailor your approach to what works, or read about it on your own. 

You want to know what I've said to get responses from dating profiles? I always said "Hey" and then had a reason why I commented, and then a question about them. To my ex wife I said, "Hey, I really like your profile. You have a beautiful smile. Btw, there's nothing wrong with wanting a full time boyfriend it shows you have heart." To another girl I asked her if she liked pizza even though she hated tomatoes. Another girl I told her she had a beautiful smile, and then said "I hope that doesn't sound creepy. I meant it as a compliment". She responded almost immediately saying thanks and testing me with "why would that sound creepy to you". 

You to know what you're doing with an introduction (like "hey"), a non-sexual comment or compliment (because you did read her profile and aren't just hitting on her), a reason why you've contacted her (are you just just asking her this question to get in her pants or do you really want to know more about her), and then I like to include something genuine and from the heart (because I'm not a creep trolling for easy girls). 

Wrapping this all up I may say, "Hey username, I read your profile and really liked how you expressed yourself. That last line about X have me LOL. Are you really here looking for hopeless romantic Nintendo loving nerds? Because when you find that guy, ask him if he as a sister, LOL. I'm sure you'll find that special guy who treats you with respect and accepts your flaws. As they say, "true love is accepting the good with the bad". 

I always try to take it a step further when I write a women. Plenty of other guys will write to say "Hey", "I like your ass", or "wanna hang out", but I try to take it a step further. She has her pick of guys who only want her for her looks, so I try to write to them and appeal to who she is as a person. I like her big beautiful booty too, but I would rather "Be the NOT" and talk to her like a friend, or like a betrayed spouse on TAM. 

If she says something touching about being hurt, I sympathize. If she has a beautiful smile I'll tell her, and then I'll soften it a little by making a joke that doesn't put her down (you have to be careful with joking btw). If she says something I find interesting, I ask her about it. I got far more responses from women doing this than any game playing every brought me, essentially by saying "I'm what you're looking for" because you're I was not approaching these women based on their looks or anything she claimed to do in her interests. I do the same thing in my profile too. I might say something like "I know you're not a Victoria's Secret model, but I bet you look just as good in sweat pants." I break the rules, by being honest and not trying too hard, because for $30 a month I'm not expecting it to be a matchmaking service.


----------



## Nsweet

Categorizing men.... Oh, so you're sexist as a well as ageist?:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Conrad said:


> Get someone to take your picture on your motorcycle.
> 
> You'll end up having to block messages.


hmm motorcycles dont do it for me...


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> I'm trying not to do this.
> 
> Actually the comment I get the most and I appreciate is that I am polite. If a man sends me a note I always take the time to respond. Even if I reject, I do read their profile and say something kind and wish them luck. I've been told that most women don't respond and I've often been thanked for simply being polite.


I know. You rejected me when I offered to email you an ebook. I was like "OK:scratchhead: Not sure what she was thinking, but she's good. She's got practice turning men down.:rofl:" 

I was only trying to send you a book btw. I don't know what you were thinking, but I apologize if I sent the wrong message.


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> hmm motorcycles dont do it for me...


toiletbowl car man has a shot!!


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Are you saying *chicks* dig Harley's?





Conrad said:


> Count on it.





coffee4me said:


> Depends on the *woman*. I'm totally turned off by men who take pics with their cars and bikes.


I think that's the key right there. All chicks are women, but not all women are chicks. Therefore, not all *women* dig Harley's. I'm with unsure and c4m on this. Pics of guys on bikes (or next to animals they've killed, for that matter) don't do it for me, either.


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> Notes are the only thing that get my attention.
> 
> Nice message Nsweet I can see how this would work on a girl.


Well I did end up marrying a girl I met online after breaking the ice like this. I really wish I thought twice about joining a goth dating site though.:rofl:


----------



## Almostrecovered

Hello ladies.....


----------



## angelpixie

Nor will I date a guy with breasts larger than mine.


ETA: Just noticed the rainbow flag on his bike, so I don't think he'd be interested in us girls here anyway, lol.


----------



## Almostrecovered

angelpixie said:


> Nor will I date a guy with breasts larger than mine.
> 
> 
> ETA: Just noticed the rainbow flag on his bike, so I don't think he'd be interested in us girls here anyway, lol.


he could be bi


----------



## Almostrecovered

or a supporter of gay rights


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> So, you are not telling them you imagine them coming from "the land of carmel colored butts" ? :rofl:
> 
> I'm never going to forget that.


Shhhh shut up about that. Keep it a secret.

That place is like my Narnia, except the entrance is in the back of an Crown Vic on dubs and it takes you to a nudest colony in Brazil:rofl:

Whenever you bring that up I just keep picturing the set from Sir. Mix-a-lot's, "Baby Got Back" and the way he was dancing on giant brown bubble butt cheeks.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> nor will i date a guy with breasts larger than mine.
> 
> 
> Eta: Just noticed the rainbow flag on his bike, so i don't think he'd be interested in us girls here anyway, lol.


ahahahahhahahahahahhah


----------



## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> hmm motorcycles dont do it for me...


Size matters


----------



## Nsweet

I heard I was conceived on a motorcycle. 

I was like "EWWW.... thanks for the tip dad.":rofl:


----------



## Almostrecovered

Conrad said:


> Size matters





Almostrecovered said:


> Hello ladies.....


----------



## unsure78

thanks AR now we all know Conrad's secret...:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I don't care one way or the other if a guy HAS a motorcycle but I do hate pics with them. 

I feel if I reply, it looks like I'm a gold digger (assuming it's a NICE motorcycle/car). To me that says he's looking to impress a girl with his possessions.

And it really tells me nothing about him. I've seen people with HDs that live in mobile homes in dirt lots who are on food stamps. To me that bespeaks of poor money management. I'd rather see a guy in a clean, well-maintained 10-year old car in a decent, small house (hey, that sounds like me!). They earn about the same but priorities are different.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> thanks AR now we all know Conrad's secret...:rofl:



Ahahahahaha.....buuuuuuurrrn. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> Size matters


An inverse relationship, I'd wager.


----------



## muskrat

Thanks for the advice Nsweet. I never wrote much because I actually took the time to write something well thought out and the response rate is not good. I feel they could atleast take the time to say no thanks. Anyway I never took it to seriously and I am only now really getting interested in dating again. I guess I was just seeing what was out there before.
As for pics. I only ever post 1 or 2 (that could be another problem). I try to use pics where I am wearing a nice shirt. No vehicles of any kind and no animals (dead or alive). I also make sure I am not wearing a hat or sunglasses.
I am not actively looking now, I was only sharing my experiences with others. It seems I have 2 or 3 ladies interested right now and that is enough. With my kids and work schedule I only have so much time to do the whole getting to know you better thing.
2 of the ladies I will meet at the camping outing I am going on in 2 weeks and the third lives in another country. She is planning on flying here to meet me in july.
I figured I will wait and see how things play out over the next month or so before I start trying to meet more women.


----------



## Awakening2012

muskrat said:


> I need better pics. All my pics are self photo's and I have a hard time taking good pics of myself. I never was a fan of having my pics taken, so most pics I do have include my kids or my ex.


This service costs $200 but is worth every penny, based on personal experience (mind you that was 8 or so years ago when I met my now XH on a dating site):
Profile Pictures | Online Dating Photos | Online Dating Photographers | Personals Pictures | Dating Pictures


----------



## jpr

unsure78 said:


> hmm motorcycles dont do it for me...


Yeah....I was dating a JAG for a while. He had a motorcycle...and he would show up at my house all the time with it. I could tell he thought he was pretty special riding his motorcycle....I think he thought I was turned on by it or something.  But, inwardly, I would roll my eyes every time he showed up wearing that motorcycle helmet.

He was just trying a bit too hard to maintain an image of what he thought was attractive to females.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> An inverse relationship, I'd wager.


Interesting hypothesis.

Guess we all assume others are just like us.


----------



## Dollystanford

motorbikes don't do it for me
muscles do though


----------



## EnjoliWoman

muskrat said:


> T
> As for pics. I only ever post 1 or 2 (that could be another problem). I try to use pics where I am wearing a nice shirt. No vehicles of any kind and no animals (dead or alive). I also make sure I am not wearing a hat or sunglasses.


AND SMILE. I hate it when guys don't smile. I always think:
a) do they have awful teeth?
b) yikes they look mad
c) yikes they look mean
d) are they pessimistic?
e) is he trying for the 'tough guy' look?

It doesn't have to be a big ole goofy grin but I rarely check out a guy even if he seems otherwise interesting, if he isn't smiling. Smiling looks friendlier.


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> Interesting hypothesis.
> 
> Guess we all assume others are just like us.


No, I was just poking fun at the stereotypes about guys and the size of their vehicles. Didn't mean to touch a nerve.  

For example, this item, which was posted in another TAM thread a few days ago (by a man, I should add):


----------



## Nsweet

Since no one has, I'll go ahead and say it. Harley riders are......


----------



## jpr

Just be YOU....don't try to put things in your profile just because you think that females will be attracted to it.

You want to find a good match for who YOU are....not who you think you are supposed to be.


Be real. Be authentic...and yes! write something! I don't respond to men who do not write anything about themselves. 

....you are great catch, Muskrat! Believe it, and be confident in who you are.

No need to 'put on a show'.


----------



## Garry2012

It is a blow to your ego when you "hit on" a bunch of women and get near zero response, and it has alot to do with the bazzilion messages the women get and maybe the fact that some give up and some leave their profile up when they are taken. Just have to be there at the right time etc. I met a couple women who were shocked i actually looked like my pic....so there are alot of games people play on the dating sites.


----------



## unsure78

oh this thread is making me smile today 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Show us your motorcycle pic, Muskrat!...we'll be the judge if it is too cheesy for your profile.





...trust us.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Show us your motorcycle pic, Muskrat!...we'll be the judge if it is too cheesy for your profile.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...trust us.


I would gladly show you my pics., if I had any. I need to find someone on the east coast to go clothes shopping with and to take some pics for me.


----------



## jpr

...hey. I might fit that description. ...but I know nothing about clothes.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> ...hey. I might fit that description. ...but I know nothing about clothes.


We've been over this before, your fashion sense can't be any worse then mine. Now that school is out maybe we can take in a Nat's game sometime. Bring your new hat along, the more the merrier.:smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Heck we could make it TAM night at the park. There has to be a few more of us on the east coast.


----------



## jpr

hahaha. I still have 2 more weeks, Muskrat.

...my hat is actually a pretty sharp dresser. He could be of use, probably.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> hahaha. I still have 2 more weeks, Muskrat.
> 
> ...my hat is actually a pretty sharp dresser. He could be of use, probably.


He must be doing something right, he managed to get a great girl like you.:smthumbup:

I wonder if there is any interest here to get a group together? I saw where some TAMers got together to meet and eat in Oregan. Might be fun to actually meet some of the people here.


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> I would gladly show you my pics., if I had any. I need to find someone on the east coast to go clothes shopping with and to take some pics for me.


Just wear your leathers.


----------



## Conrad

Dollystanford said:


> motorbikes don't do it for me
> muscles do though


They go together.


----------



## unsure78

Muskrat i think it all depends what type of girl you want to attract. If you want casual fun then the motorcycle and leather pics are cool. If your looking for more of a good girl to settle back down with eventually (i put myself in that category-imo, though im a bit naughty in the good ways ;-) ) you prob do want pics with your kids(block out their faces), at the ball park, hanging with friends.. that sort of stuff. What pics did you put up when you did the online dating early this year?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

and smile in them, at least on the cover pic.. If a guy looks all cranky on the cover pic i wont even open his profile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I put up a pic with me smiling and wearing a blue button down shirt. The only other pic was a full body shot in shorts and a T. Like I said I didn't try real hard and I only posted 2 pics.
The kind of girl I would want to attract is one that is looking to settle down, just not right away. Basically exactly like the way you describe yourself Unsure.


----------



## jpr

I agree with Unsure. Smile and show your kind eyes.



...I'm not a fan of chaps. :nono:


----------



## muskrat

I do have a pic of me in my "leathers", I took it in my basement, there is no motorcycle in the pic.
If anyone on my friends list wants to see it I can put it in my album.


----------



## Conrad

jpr said:


> I agree with Unsure. Smile and show your kind eyes.
> 
> 
> 
> ...I'm not a fan of chaps. :nono:


You'd like 'em if Rat was wearing them.


----------



## muskrat

Conrad said:


> You'd like 'em if Rat was wearing them.


In the pic. I referred to in my last post, I am wearing them.:rofl:
Maybe I should retract my offer to post.


----------



## muskrat

I added a few pics if anyone wants to see them. The one of me and my son fishing is my favorite. I think I am going to use that pic to make a father's day card for my dad.


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> In the pic. I referred to in my last post, I am wearing them.:rofl:
> Maybe I should retract my offer to post.


Go with your bad self brother.

They'll swoon!

I just looked at it.

You'll have to block incoming messages


----------



## sarcasmo

I need to spend less time reading CWI and more time reading LAD threads. This thread has definitely lifted my spirits!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> Go with your bad self brother.
> 
> They'll swoon!
> 
> I just looked at it.
> 
> You'll have to block incoming messages


Yes, MR, by all means, ignore what the ladies here are saying about what the ladies want, and listen to Conrad about what the ladies want.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Yes, MR, by all means, ignore what the ladies here are saying about what the ladies want, and listen to Conrad about what the ladies want.


:rofl: 

Word


----------



## jpr

Muskrat....I REALLY think that you should listen to the ladies here.

I know that I could probably get a lot more likes and winks and emails if I put more provocative pictures up online.  But, is that the type of attention I am looking for? ...no. If you are paying for a dating site, why not try to put forth your most authentic self? 

We have all been through so introspection throughout our divorce. At this point in our lives, I feel like most of us here have a very keen sense of self-awareness...we know what we need and what we want out of life. It is pointless and fruitless to try to attract people that want the opposite of that. I mean...why pay for a dating site if that is what you want? 

Otherwise, just put on your leathers and ride your motorcycle over to a bar and go pick up some random girl who is infatuated with biker-dudes.


----------



## Nsweet

Really, you don't need a dating site, or money, or good looks to meet a special lady. Hell, I've met ladies and done a lot more in raggedy clothes with no money relying entirely on my intelligence, confidence, and my charm. You don't need anything to help you, but that doesn't mean you can use everything. You could try online dating, but don't put all your confidence in these sites to help you find the one, just use them to break the ice and help you flirt again. You'll do a lot better chatting up ladies in real life, making women friends, and using that confidence and experience to help you with other women.


----------



## Lifescript

Hello boys and girls! 

Rat, 

Depends on what the goal is ... if you want to date, no strings attached, have fun ... let the bad boy in you come out. Girls dig that. Just act like you don't have a care in the world. Go out not caring about the outcome. 

Malls, coffee shops are all good places to meet women. 

You don't need to do anything. The ones interested will let you know with their looks then approach. 

My 2 cents.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Yes, MR, by all means, ignore what the ladies here are saying about what the ladies want, and listen to Conrad about what the ladies want.


Couldn't have said it better myself.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Hell, I've met ladies and done a lot more in raggedy clothes with no money relying entirely on my intelligence, confidence, and my charm. You don't need anything to help you, but that doesn't mean you can use everything.


I agree. A buddy of mine has great luck with women although he struggles financially and a lot of times is dressed raggedy. But he's an interesting guy and fun to be around. Confidence is key. 

Rat, 

If you are looking for a nice girl to one day be your lady and have a family with then just be you. You are a great guy. The way you care for your children shows that. Plus you have values. Many women will be attracted and are looking for that. 

letting the bad boy come out just means being fun and unpredictable.

Letting things get boring is one of the many reasons why many of us end up here.

-- 

As for the dating sites, does that stuff really works? Any of you know of a couple that met in a dating site and are happy together?


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> Couldn't have said it better myself.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


>


Everyone says they like confidence? hahahaha


----------



## muskrat

I am not on any dating sites presently and I have a few women I chat with on the phone, one imparticular. I am really just gathering advice if I ever feel the need to venture into online dating. If I did, I would be looking for a women for the long haul, no ons's.

One thing I noticed here is last night I added the pics to my album here and none of the ladies have said a word about them.:rofl:
It is ok ladies, be honest, you will not hurt my feelings. I could use some constructive criticism.


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> One thing I noticed here is last night I added the pics to my album here and none of the ladies have said a word about them.:rofl:


They were worried about me


----------



## Dollystanford

OK but I preface my advice by reminding you that I'm a city girl and Brrrritish in case I never mentioned it. 

The one fishing - you can't really see your face so that's a no go although pics with kids are always good. The second one which is a close up is good - you have nice eyes and teeth and long curly eyelashes, I would probably use that

The leather....well Conrad can obviously correct me if I'm wrong but it looks way too staged. Why are you wearing shades in a barn? Chaps like that should only be worn when you're wearing nothing else and we wouldn't want you to get banned now would we


----------



## unsure78

im only on my phone right now so i cant see the pics.... but i remember the leather chaps one from before and not in a good way muskrat
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Look I'll make this as painfully clear as possible. If you want to be good with dating women, you need to be a good friend to women. Is that a hard concept to grasp? 

All that means is treating her the way you would like to be treated online, on first dates, all the time. Dating is a huge risk for women, and the last thing she needs is to date another loser who turns from charming guy on the first date to creepy sexual deviant who thinks he has to seal the deal ASAP. 

In reality you're miles ahead of most guys who've never been married because you know how to handle what comes after the honeymoon, and if you could still live with your ex wife at her worst then you can handle a few awkward first dates. 

The only thing I have to add that most guys forget is that it's not your job to entertain her or think of what to say when *you think* you have nothing left to say. Don't pull a hail mary change of topics on her, just ask her about herself. I promise women will not hesitate to keep the conversation going if you're showing interest in her mind instead of her tits and who she is as a person.


----------



## muskrat

Dollystanford said:


> OK but I preface my advice by reminding you that I'm a city girl and Brrrritish in case I never mentioned it.
> 
> The one fishing - you can't really see your face so that's a no go although pics with kids are always good. The second one which is a close up is good - you have nice eyes and teeth and long curly eyelashes, I would probably use that
> 
> The leather....well Conrad can obviously correct me if I'm wrong but it looks way too staged. Why are you wearing shades in a barn? Chaps like that should only be worn when you're wearing nothing else and we wouldn't want you to get banned now would we


Thanks Dolly! I am doing good then, the only pic I ever posted on a dating site is the one you picked out. The one fishing I just like, it is so scenic and the one in leather was staged. I was feeling goofy one night in Feb. so I dressed up and took that pic.:smthumbup:


----------



## Awakening2012

muskrat said:


> I would gladly show you my pics., if I had any. I need to find someone on the east coast to go clothes shopping with and to take some pics for me.


I'm coming to Jerzy August 2-4 for this event:
Extreme Mustang Makeover | Extreme Mustang Makeover – Gloucester County, NJ

If there is a mall nearby I can meet you for clothes shopping - and I am quite the sartorialist, so you'd be in good hands


----------



## Dollystanford

just take pics and send directly to Dolly for assessment


----------



## muskrat

Awakening2012 said:


> I'm coming to Jerzy August 2-4 for this event:
> Extreme Mustang Makeover | Extreme Mustang Makeover – Gloucester County, NJ
> 
> If there is a mall nearby I can meet you for clothes shopping - and I am quite the sartorialist, so you'd be in good hands


I may have to take you up on this. This show is about 2 hours from me. So are you a cowgirl?
Now I have to add some pics of me wearing my cowboy gear to my album.


----------



## jpr

I agree with Dolly, MR. I really, really, really like your eyes and your smile. That close up one is very nice.

Pictures with kids are good...but, I agree. That one was too far away. 

I swoon for pictures of men doing fun things with their kids and hugging their dogs. 

...and pictures of men with kind eyes. If a guy looks like he spends more time in the bathroom getting ready in the morning than me, then I am turned off.

But I am equally turned off by raggedy clothes and sloppiness.

There happy-medium there---and that is the sweet spot. 


You are going to do just fine, MR....because you are trying and listening to what women really want. 

Just let us see your pictures before you post them--we'll tell you what we think. ....and steer you in the right direction.

You are super sweet and have kind heart----and you need someone with a kind heart too.

As an aside, I have been having a little fun with online dating. I met my current hat online, and I am really enjoying him....a lot.

It is fun!...it is just fun to go out and have a drink with someone new.


----------



## muskrat

Ok, the leather pic is gone. I added a cowboy pic and more pics of me with my kids.


----------



## RandomDude

Online dating?

=/

Meetup.com is where the action is


----------



## Awakening2012

RandomDude said:


> Online dating?
> 
> =/
> 
> Meetup.com is where the action is


Also, for those who live in or near any of these cities:

Washington DC
Baltimore
Boston
Los Angeles
New York
Philadelphia

this is a GREAT resource for urban professional singles: 
Professionals in the City :: Washington DC


----------



## sarcasmo

RandomDude said:


> Online dating?
> 
> =/
> 
> Meetup.com is where the action is


I'm 39. Would meetup be for me? My mother met a man there, but she is in her 60's. Just not sure how appropriate it is from someone in my age range. I cruised by there the other day and I wasn't wowed by any of the groups in my area. I guess I know what I have to do. Just try it. My main thought was what age ranges do they cater to? Or does it just depend on the group/activity?


----------



## Pbartender

sarcasmo said:


> Or does it just depend on the group/activity?


This.

You can find members of all ages on meetup.com, depending on the group and activity.


----------



## RandomDude

There are also dating groups, where organisers prepare for example; 10 men and 10 women of a similar age group for a meetup. It's a hundred times better than online dating sites, and it's free! Even if you don't meet a potential, people I've met so far are quite friendly and has helped me re-establish my social circle since seperation.


----------



## Awakening2012

In my area there are a range of Meet Ups for all age groups, and some that target specific age groups (e.g. 30s&40s). Give it a whirl!


----------



## muskrat

How is everyone? Any new hat stories to share?


----------



## vi_bride04

I wore a hat for long periods of time while in Mexico....and I have to say, it is the best hat I have tried on in over 15 years


----------



## muskrat

I need to find a nice hat soon. I am bound to go bald and need something to cover my ugly head.:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Just had lunch with someone who was previously a potential FWB, but its all good, just mates now. She wants to be exclusive, hence it's something I can't give her, as I don't want to risk emotional attachment. She's a nice enough sort though, single mum with two kids, quite understanding.

Oh well, the hunt continues. It's been so long since I had a lay


----------



## jpr

My hat and I did the doin's last night for a long time......

...and we watched hockey too.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Its sad to say but it really comes down to how attractive you are... if you are a woman and at least fairly attractive you get a lot of emails. If you are a man and attractive , I hear you get inundated with offers from women for casual ( or so I hear)



Ah right thanks . Don't think I'd trust any girl looking for casual , her rings probably in the glove box


----------



## RandomDude

^True, reminds me of my youth when I was intimate with a woman 10 years my senior, and her son was only 5 years my junior!!!! Heh... hell come to think of it I wonder if that date of mine is even single... tons of cheaters about


----------



## Pbartender

I blundered across this web page yesterday, and I thought it might come in useful around here...

The Art of Manliness


----------



## sarcasmo

Pbartender said:


> I blundered across this web page yesterday, and I thought it might come in useful around here...
> 
> The Art of Manliness


Someone had linked this article from that site a few weeks back: How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship | The Art of Manliness

I found it very enlightening. Of course, being how this is the SINGLES thread, I guess it isn't 100% relavant!


----------



## vi_bride04

So MR, any shopping plans this weekend? lol


----------



## unsure78

I *may* have a potential date... spoke for an hour last night, conversation was smooth, seemed very nice, funny  ... we will see


----------



## vi_bride04

I did post a couple pics from my shopping spree last week in my album lol


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> I *may* have a potential date... spoke for an hour last night, conversation was smooth, seemed very nice, funny  ... we will see


:smthumbup:

Rock On. Good Luck.


----------



## Garry2012

I joined meetup..boy they have lots of meetings! I joined 2-3, and they have 2 things going tonight...might just go.


----------



## unsure78

i joined meet up too... i may go and do something next weekend on my free weekend.

Tonight im tired, long week... and my DS party is tomorrow, so i have a long day of cleaning and party hosting tomorrow, not quite the hot singles life but thats ok 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Rock On. Good Luck.


You seem to be doing well for yourself too PB 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> You seem to be doing well for yourself too PB


I certainly can't complain. 

We've another date lined up for Monday night... We're going to head over to the Paramount and see The Princess Bride on the big screen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> I certainly can't complain.
> 
> We've another date lined up for Monday night... We're going to head over to the Paramount and see The Princess Bride on the big screen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very nice... excellent date choice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

So i may have two potentials coming up for this weekend  I have decided that even though usually im a date one guy at a time kind of girl, i think it may be best for me to keep my options open right now and date a few...


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> So i may have two potentials coming up for this weekend  I have decided that even though usually im a date one guy at a time kind of girl, i think it may be best for me to keep my options open right now and date a few...


Make em compete. You'll learn a lot about their character quickly. 

Or not.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Make em compete. You'll learn a lot about their character quickly.
> 
> Or not.


oooo should i make them fight for me?.... hmmm ones a cop the other a teacher, I kinda have a good guess which one would win


----------



## Nsweet

Just make sure you're honest with these men when they hint at being exclusive. Don't beat around the bush say things like "I don't know, I really want to keep my options open." With a lot of guys you need to be as clear and blunt as possible up front, you say "You're not the only guy I'm interested in dating right now and I'm not looking to settle down this moment." 

That way no one get's their feelings hurt and these guys can either enjoy their time with you or go look for something more exclusive, but the jealousy and competition will make the chase that much more fun. Some guys can handle this, some can't, but you really don't want to be stuck with explaining yourself to someone who has gotten their hopes up and has the wrong expectations about their dates with you. 

And so long as you're not toying with these men or giving it away up front for nothing, having your options open and screening several men is the healthiest thing you can do. It's also the best way to prevent yourself from overlooking red flags in one and minimizing all of their faults to make the relationship work because you have no other options. And you're going to find it's a lot of fun, but please use some common courtesy.... Just don't talk about other men to men you might be interested in sleeping with. That includes b!tching about your exes to these men too.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> And so long as you're not toying with these men or giving it away up front for nothing, having your options open and screening several men is the healthiest thing you can do. It's also the best way to prevent yourself from overlooking red flags in one and minimizing all of their faults to make the relationship work because you have no other options. And you're going to find it's a lot of fun, but please use some common courtesy.... Just don't talk about other men to men you might be interested in sleeping with. That includes b!tching about your exes to these men too.


Nsweet I wont sleep with multiple guys at the same time... i cant im too faithful for that. Im doing it so that i dont just get hooked into one, and to better be able to not overlook red flags. In the past I see the red flags but choose to ignore. If I find one I like great, I will get exclusive after some time.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> oooo should i make them fight for me?.... hmmm ones a cop the other a teacher, I kinda have a good guess which one would win


That has nothing to do with anything. 

But you might find out the "red flags" of either side quicker if you can look at it objectively. 

It's not about being deceptive, or making them compete as much as it is, you trying to figure out what you need, what you want and what you prefer. 

As a man seeking a woman, I am still trying to figure this out. Especially after a marriage, I've found a lot of my "wants and preferences" have changed. 

One thing I wont do though. Is bed over backwards competing for a woman. But if she makes me compete in a blind study. I'd be OK with that. She needs to figure out what she likes just as much as I do. 

As Nsweet says, don't do this playing with a mans heart either. Make it exclusive with whomever you want and land a good solid boundary on the other.


----------



## Nsweet

Give them each a rose and say "I choose you". 

Bachelorette style!


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> That has nothing to do with anything.
> 
> But you might find out the "red flags" of either side quicker if you can look at it objectively.
> 
> It's not about being deceptive, or making them compete as much as it is, you trying to figure out what you need, what you want and what you prefer.
> 
> As a man seeking a woman, I am still trying to figure this out. Especially after a marriage, I've found a lot of my "wants and preferences" have changed.
> 
> One thing I wont do though. Is bed over backwards competing for a woman. But if she makes me compete in a blind study. I'd be OK with that. She needs to figure out what she likes just as much as I do.
> 
> As Nsweet says, don't do this playing with a mans heart either. Make it exclusive with whomever you want and land a good solid boundary on the other.


Hope... i was kidding,there will be no competing for me


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> i think it may be best for me to keep my options open right now and date a few...



I'm so glad you decided to slvt it up!


----------



## angelpixie

Two dates in one weekend hardly qualifies as 'slvtting' it up, AR. :rofl:


----------



## Almostrecovered

angelpixie said:


> Two dates in one weekend hardly qualifies as 'slvtting' it up, AR. :rofl:


baby steps

I envision this transformation-










to


----------



## unsure78

HAHAHHAH AR I love it!


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Hope... i was kidding,there will be no competing for me


I'm sure you could get guys lining up playing rock, paper, scissors for you.


----------



## jpr

Anxiously anticipating Unsure's slvtty Sandy transformation.

...I want to hear stories. 

"Tell me more, tell me more"...


----------



## angelpixie

From Sandra Dee to Slvtty Sandy, that's our Unsure. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

You all are great! I get to live vicariously through you all, my social and dating life sucks. :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> From Sandra Dee to Slvtty Sandy, that's our Unsure. :rofl:


hahaha if i get on my computer today im making it my new sig line!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> You all are great! I get to live vicariously through you all, my social and dating life sucks. :rofl:


What happened to Miss Canada?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> What happened to Miss Canada?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She lives in Canada! We still talk on the phone and we may meet, but I am not looking for a relationship with someone I spend 1 weekend a month with at best. That is fine for now, but there is no future for us no matter how much we may like each other.

I am looking for an Unsure, AP or JPR, that lives near me. Beautiful, smart, caring, great personality, not looking to get married anytime soon, understanding of my situation.....I want it all. The only ladies like that, that I have found and are willing to actually get to know me and chat, all live far away.


----------



## jdlash

MR, my prediction is that you will meet someone when you least expect it. Take your time and have patience. Your not even legally divorced yet. If your still single after a couple years, then we can reevaluate. I don't think that will happen though.


----------



## Almostrecovered

"My girlfriend lives in Canada"


----------



## jpr

I like my hat....a lot. But, after a month of dating and seeing each other almost every other day, my new hat still has a profile on a dating site...which he checks daily. 


I am a bit bothered by this.





....yes, I stalk his profile. :0
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

jpr said:


> I like my hat....a lot. But, after a month of dating and seeing each other almost every other day, my new hat still has a profile on a dating site...which he checks daily.
> 
> 
> I am a bit bothered by this.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ....yes, I stalk his profile. :0
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, i think being bothered is fair.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> MR, my prediction is that you will meet someone when you least expect it. Take your time and have patience. Your not even legally divorced yet. If your still single after a couple years, then we can reevaluate. I don't think that will happen though.


I totally agree with this. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is just to meet someone randomly and come to find out neither of you were really looking for anything (on dating websites). It just happens. Those are unforced, fun, and typically lacking in codependency (which is rampant on dating sites).


----------



## vi_bride04

Almostrecovered said:


> "My girlfriend lives in Canada"


My boyfriend lives in Mexico


----------



## Garry2012

So here is a question for the ladies....seems like there is a good population of men who dont wear their rings...which makes us ACTUALLY single guys, suspect. Do assume guys without rings are single? or do you wait to see if he flirts etc first?


----------



## Dollystanford

My dad has never worn a ring, nor does my boss
It's a matter of preference for some so I don't assume


----------



## angelpixie

Most married guys that I know wear their rings, so if I don't see one, I suspect he's single. But it doesn't make a difference to me anyway, since I don't flirt with _anyone._*









*Except on TAM, where it's 'safe.'


----------



## Garry2012

just wondering...lol


----------



## unsure78

My exh never wore his ring, but yes generally I assume they are single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I've met people who were either confident enough in themselves to not cheat or who didn't believe in wedding rings. 

It's really not that hard to tell a single person from a married person without a wedding ring. If he has a condom in his wallet, it's probably single or playing it really safe with his wife. Is he somewhat in shape and looks happy? Then he's either single, gay, or doesn't have kids. Look at his car! Married people usually have kiddy toys and McDonalds trash in their car, if not a car seat.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> I've met people who were either confident enough in themselves to not cheat or who didn't believe in wedding rings.
> 
> It's really not that hard to tell a single person from a married person without a wedding ring. If he has a condom in his wallet, it's probably single or playing it really safe with his wife. Is he somewhat in shape and looks happy? Then he's either single, gay, or doesn't have kids. Look at his car! Married people usually have kiddy toys and McDonalds trash in their car, if not a car seat.


Until you are the single dude Rockin the Camaro with a car seat. 

I know, always an exception to the rules.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

unsure78 said:


> So i may have two potentials coming up for this weekend  I have decided that even though usually im a date one guy at a time kind of girl, i think it may be best for me to keep my options open right now and date a few...


This drives me crazy! My advice: don't do it.

I've been single for awhile now, but back before I was married, it was one-at-a-time. If you had a date, it was fairly standard that you didn't schedule another with someone else. If not outright disingenuous, it was widely held to be tacky.

Now, I'm dating younger women, and I notice this sort of multi-dating thing is pretty common - I thought maybe it was just a younger generation thing. There is no implicit exclusivity by the fact that you're going on a date, or even several dates. So its like some of these girls are seeing multiple guys (I have no idea if the same holds true for guys that age now). There's no exclusivity given until you're "official" (whatever the h*ll that means). I've told several women to move on down the road as a result. 

One girl I took on a date even got texts from another dude she went out with the night before our date, while ON our date. Apparently they had been "talking" for a couple weeks, and she had been on a few dates with him before I approached her and she accepted a date with me. Even though we had a date a couple days later, she STILL went out with this guy again the next day (the day before our date). I'm more baffled than anything, so I start asking questions, but she's like "oh, he's just some guy I've been talking to... blah blah blah... he does this and that, [I'm] cuter", etc. she told me he was jealous and there was an air of playing us off each other. Most of this is at dinner.

So the next chance I got, I asked for the check. Its still early and I had a lot more planned for the date, but I started driving her home instead. She's like "so where we going now?" -"Your place." She laughed, said "oh really?" and started making sexual innuendos - jokes about not being that easy and what not. I just went along. So I pull up to her apt and I'm like "Well, hope you had a good night." At first she got all cute, "ohh... are you jealous? Its not serious." I said I wasn't jealous at all... I'm just not interested in women who are dating other men. She objected, tried to recover, said she'd get rid of him, but I shut it down and was happily on my way.

It made me wonder if younger guys tolerate this? The younger women still don't tolerate a guy dating multiple women though. This is the first time I've seen the phenomenon mentioned by what I assume to be a somewhat older demographic... so maybe its not the younger generation as I thought. Maybe my perception of single dating as the "norm" was originally skewed.


----------



## Dollystanford

well Unsure isn't an immature little girl, she's single and she's planning on going on two dates in one weekend. I'm certainly not the type to be texting other men during a date and I'm sure she isn't either

That's just rude


----------



## angelpixie

I agree. Assuming that Unsure would do the same as this young chick is quite a leap, and just plain insulting.


----------



## jpr

There is nothing wrong with going on a date with one guy on one day, and going on a date with another guy on another day.

It is just a first date. 

We are single...this is allowed.

Unsure is not in a relationship with either of these men.

Yes, what that girl did to you is definitely rude.

But, man! Don't take this dating game so seriously. It is okay to date around if you are not in a relationship---and I think it is expected.


----------



## TiggyBlue

Dollystanford said:


> My dad has never worn a ring, nor does my boss
> It's a matter of preference for some so I don't assume


Same, my parents didn't wear wedding rings (I don't either) so I never assumed that meant someone was single when I was dating.


----------



## TiggyBlue

Dollystanford said:


> well Unsure isn't an immature little girl, she's single and she's planning on going on two dates in one weekend. I'm certainly not the type to be texting other men during a date and I'm sure she isn't either
> 
> That's just rude


Possible playing the game of making the other guy jealous, seen that happen quite a lot.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> I agree. Assuming that Unsure would do the same as this young chick is quite a leap, and just plain insulting.


And even if she did when she was young. WHO CARES?!

Take a chill pill.


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> There is nothing wrong with going on a date with one guy on one day, and going on a date with another guy on another day.
> 
> It is just a first date.
> 
> We are single...this is allowed.
> 
> Unsure is not in a relationship with either of these men.
> 
> Yes, what that girl did to you is definitely rude.
> 
> But, man! Don't take this dating game so seriously. It is okay to date around if you are not in a relationship---and I think it is expected.


Exactly. 

I'm a guy. I want my ability to hang out/date as many women as possible and sometimes if I can help it back to back days. As long as I am not in a committed relationship, I would expect the person on the other end to be doing the same. 

Unless they came out and said. "I wanna be exclusive." That is a game changer. Have to decide at that point if you want exclusiveness with her or not. 

Officially speaking though. If she dates one guy, and hits it off really well. She doesn't owe it to the other guy to go out with him. But, she might want to as I said earlier. Compare options and look for red flags.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Exactly.
> 
> I'm a guy. I want my ability to hang out/date as many women as possible and sometimes if I can help it back to back days. As long as I am not in a committed relationship, I would expect the person on the other end to be doing the same.
> 
> Unless they came out and said. "I wanna be exclusive." That is a game changer. Have to decide at that point if you want exclusiveness with her or not.
> 
> Officially speaking though. If she dates one guy, and hits it off really well. She doesn't owe it to the other guy to go out with him. But, she might want to as I said earlier. Compare options and look for red flags.


That pretty much sums it up Hope...

Actually in my past I never dated multiple men, only one at a time, and it only seemed to hurt me and my codependent tendencies to over look red flags. So i am trying something new, because that wasnt working for me. I have no intention of speaking/ taking textsfrom another potential date during my time with another, that is rude. If i find one I like I will focus and date him exclusively, but in the mean time I have no commitment to anyone until exclusivity is mutually agreed upon. I expect that these gentleman will also see other women until exclusivity is agreed upon. These are just first dates no more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

You could always have snuggle parties.

Just sayin.:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> And even if she did when she was young. WHO CARES?!
> 
> *Take a chill pill.*


Me? :scratchhead: I was telling him to not make such a big deal about it.


----------



## jpr

For you, Unsure...

From all of us fighting for your honor.

The Glory of Love


----------



## vi_bride04

Ok peeps, let's not interpret things as confrontational....can't we all just get along??


----------



## COGypsy

Absolutely. Manners are a must. I wouldn't text during a date period--whether it was my mother or another guy. However, a first date, even the first few dates don't constitute a relationship or exclusivity. That's a pretty arrogant perspective, frankly. I wouldn't clear my week of all other social engagements just because I had a first date with a guy--why would I cancel any other dates? Now once it gets to a point of exclusivity and sex, then the expectations are different. But in a world of meetup and online dating and all the other places where one might meet more than one person at a time, it's naive to only talk to, get to know and date sequentially. Besides, the way my schedule runs I am usually scheduling activities anywhere from 1-3 weeks out. Does that mean that I shouldn't take the number of anyone I meet in the interim just because I have a first or second date with someone planned the next week? It just doesn't make sense in the early stages of getting to know someone.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Ok peeps, let's not interpret things as confrontational....can't we all just get along??


Apparently not, lol. But it's not our fault. HE started it.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> For you, Unsure...
> 
> From all of us fighting for your honor.
> 
> The Glory




hahaha you guys are the best!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> Me? :scratchhead: I was telling him to not make such a big deal about it.


No not you. Anyone who makes a big deal about someones past on this forum, is pretty laughable. 

We are all pretty much a recovering something.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> No not you. Anyone who makes a big deal about someones past on this forum, is pretty laughable.
> 
> We are all pretty much a recovering something.


:iagree:

We all got our battle scars


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Everyone seems to have gotten stuck on the texts, but that wasn't the point; if I find out that someone has a date with me Friday, and a date with someone else Saturday, the other guy can have her. I'm not interested in someone like that.

The texting was down right rude no doubt, but committing to dates with multiple people concurrently is tacky and classless. You go on a date because your pursuing a romantic connection with someone. I don't know about you folks, but I'm not interested in a date with someone who is actively pursuing a romantic interest with someone else at the same time.

If you commit to a date with someone you go through with it with them before you go accepting or pursuing dates with other people.

... and to think guys with game catch h*ll for just flirting with a bunch of girls on a night out. For some reason I think the same people advocating committing to dates with multiple people would have a problem with that guy scheduling dates with multiple women on that night out. 

Is this another example of where the rules are different for women? I seem to doubt that most women would be interested in a guy knowing he already has a date scheduled with another woman. Incredibly tacky imo.


----------



## angelpixie

I think a guy flirting with a bunch of girls (or a girl flirting with a bunch of guys) during the same 'night out' is very different from a person having a date with one person one night and another date with another person on another night. You're entitled to your opinion, certainly. 

The impression I get from what you're posting is that you're assuming some kind of romantic/possibly sexual purpose to every date. What if it is a first meeting? Neither person has any idea if they'll even like each other when they meet in person. Should either of those people keep their social calendars totally blank just in case they hit it off with the first person? I certainly wouldn't expect some kind of exclusivity from someone on our first date. 

Also, when some of us are single parents at least part of the time, there may also be a logistical issue of waiting weeks for another chance to schedule a date if we only waited to schedule the next one til after the first.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

hope4family said:


> No not you. Anyone who makes a big deal about someones past on this forum, is pretty laughable.
> 
> We are all pretty much a recovering something.


I didn't make a big deal of anyone's past. I gave my opinion on committing to dates with multiple people.


----------



## Dollystanford

So you're expecting someone to be exclusive with you before you even go out on a date with them?


----------



## jpr

it's just a date. i think you will be very disappointed if you expect every woman you go out on one date with to clear her social calendar on the off-chance you two might hit it off on the first date.


your expectations are not really reasonable.

My social calendar is booked two weeks in advance because i have limited free time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

and because everyone wants a piece of you


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

angelpixie said:


> I think a guy flirting with a bunch of girls (or a girl flirting with a bunch of guys) during the same 'night out' is very different from a person having a date with one person one night and another date with another person on another night. You're entitled to your opinion, certainly.
> 
> The impression I get from what you're posting is that you're assuming some kind of romantic/possibly sexual purpose to every date.


I'm not assuming sex at all.

The only thing different about the "night out" is the timing. Why is it someone can commit to multiple dates within a few minutes by replying to a few messages on a dating site, but it wouldn't be acceptable to commit to multiple dates on a night out? Logically speaking, its the same principle - the only difference is your awareness. I'm at a bar, I talk to someone for awhile and we agree to meetup some other time for a date. She leaves. Cool! Let me go pursue some more dates?

Do you think any woman who is aware that this guy just scheduled a date with this other woman he was talking to is going to agree to go on a date with him? No. I don't think the principle changes just because its virtual vs live.


----------



## jpr

sure!....i would.

...but ill have a drink with just about anyone.


It is JUST a date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Hey I changed my sig line to now better describe my new dating lifestyle....lol :smthumbup:


----------



## Almostrecovered

hey if I wasn't married I'd be looking for work in Chicago, just sayin'


----------



## unsure78

If the gentleman have a date with another girl the next night, I have no issue with this. Its just a first date....


----------



## Almostrecovered

yeah honestly, I think there will come a time after a few dates where you discuss monogamy


----------



## Dollystanford

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I'm at a bar, I talk to someone for awhile and we agree to meetup some other time for a date. She leaves. Cool! Let me go pursue some more dates?


Sure why not? I mean you haven't asked me to marry you - just go out for a drink, right?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Dollystanford said:


> So you're expecting someone to be exclusive with you before you even go out on a date with them?


Absolutely. I'm not interested in someone who already has a date with someone else. If I approach a woman and try to land a date, she should have some integrity and let me know she already has a date set with someone else. Then its cool, here's my number, call me if your date doesn't pan out. She shouldn't agree to my date on the chance her other date doesn't pan out.

Any date with such a woman would be extremely tentative and subject to the result of the other date... "Joe and I really hit it off so I have to cancel". Or imagine it the other way when Joe suggests a second date: "Well, I have a date with Mike then, but I do like you... maybe another day?" Wow, you sure just told Joe how much you like him. "Let me check out my other options and get back to you, you'll wait right?" Pshh, not me. The only way around this is fundamentally dishonest, not mentioning Mike.

To me, you see one person until you determine they're not it on their own merit. Dating everyone at once so you can comparison shop is tacky and wrought with problems: "Oh but Joe is so cute!! But Mike is so nice!! I like them both... what now?" Keep seeing both?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Dollystanford said:


> Sure why not? I mean you haven't asked me to marry you - just go out for a drink, right?


It doesn't fly that way at the bar. If its obvious I just asked another girl out... or hell, even if all that happened was I got her number, the witnessing girl is a near lock to decline. They're more standoffish and it takes a lot more effort to loosen them up. Its still possible, but the increase in difficulty is proof of the principle. Few women want a date with a guy who already has a date set with someone else. I've seen it over and over.

So you tell me why not?


----------



## unsure78

hmmm I think its getting far to serious in here... I thought this was supposed to be a nice lighthearted fun thread


----------



## jpr

We all have our own standards and expectations...but those are yours. You must recognize that the rest of the world doesn't always play by your rules.


...and that's ok. 

play the game however you want to play it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> We all have our own standards and expectations...but those are yours. You must recognize that the rest of the world doesn't always play by your rules.
> 
> 
> ...and that's ok.
> 
> play the game however you want to play it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Dollystanford

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> So you tell me why not?


Because they aren't me I guess 

I know why not, but it's naive on their part


----------



## TiggyBlue

Casual dating has sure changed since my days :scratchhead:


----------



## jpr

Okay...so let's have another debate.

Which is profession is hotter?... librarian, executive assistant, math teacher, or laboratory scientist?


----------



## Garry2012

depends how they "rock" the outfit...but I would go with Librarian....


----------



## Garry2012

I need to work on "casual dating"---never was that kind of guy before..if i dont see forever in the date, i dont go...


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Okay...so let's have another debate.
> 
> Which is profession is hotter?... librarian, executive assistant, math teacher, or laboratory scientist?


that's a much better debate....


----------



## jpr

Garry...I was sort of like you too.

But, when your life is turned upside down, sometimes it is good to shake things up a bit. Don't take dating too seriously. It is fun to meet people, and listen to their stories. It is a lot of fun to make a connection with another human being--even if it doesn't go beyond a first day--it is still fun, and it is really not a waste of time. It is sort of nice to hear about another person's life, and to get to know new people. It is fun to expand your social network a bit.

...try not to take things too seriously. At first, I was so afraid of making an "unwise" decision, that I found myself not taking risks and limiting myself.


----------



## Pbartender

jpr said:


> Which is profession is hotter?... librarian, executive assistant, math teacher, or laboratory scientist?


Good heavens Miss Sakamoto... You're beautiful!


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Okay...so let's have another debate.
> 
> Which is profession is hotter?... librarian, executive assistant, math teacher, or laboratory scientist?


I think the 4 of you will need to post pics so we can properly judge "hotness".:smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

This whole casual dating thing is all new and foreign to me. I have enough trouble getting 1 date more or less multiple dates.
I guess if this is the way things are done, I will let all 4 of you ladies date me at once.


----------



## Almostrecovered

the reason you date casually until you find the right person...


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Good heavens Miss Sakamoto... You're beautiful!


excellent pick PB!


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> excellent pick PB!


If I hadn't already been hooked...


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> This whole casual dating thing is all new and foreign to me. I have enough trouble getting 1 date more or less multiple dates.
> I guess if this is the way things are done, I will let all 4 of you ladies date me at once.


Wait Muskrat, didn't you have a run with 3 women at once earlier this year, If i remember right?


----------



## hope4family

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Absolutely. I'm not interested in someone who already has a date with someone else. If I approach a woman and try to land a date, she should have some integrity and let me know she already has a date set with someone else. Then its cool, here's my number, call me if your date doesn't pan out. She shouldn't agree to my date on the chance her other date doesn't pan out.
> 
> Any date with such a woman would be extremely tentative and subject to the result of the other date... "Joe and I really hit it off so I have to cancel". Or imagine it the other way when Joe suggests a second date: "Well, I have a date with Mike then, but I do like you... maybe another day?" Wow, you sure just told Joe how much you like him. "Let me check out my other options and get back to you, you'll wait right?" Pshh, not me. The only way around this is fundamentally dishonest, not mentioning Mike.
> 
> To me, you see one person until you determine they're not it on their own merit. Dating everyone at once so you can comparison shop is tacky and wrought with problems: "Oh but Joe is so cute!! But Mike is so nice!! I like them both... what now?" Keep seeing both?


Me thinks your expectation is too high. 

Or maybe how we define dating is different. 

I have this weekend free. Two nights. That's it, for the next two weeks the only nights dedicated to me will have to be days that I pay for a babysitter and it will be "me time" not date time. 

I'm a single Father. So if I spend one night with one female. I want to have the ability to if my heart desires spend the night with another. 

I do not expect much except for initial attraction to be established on a first date. Even then, i'm certain that things will feel uncertain. 

If things go well, and I mean so well that its like a high school romance, feel like I met my soul-mate, princess bride quotes being shared back and forth with a final of going to a hat shop.

Then i'll cancel my next subsequent date and focus on that one. 

I say this with a tad bit of angst. I have high morals and standards once a relationship is established. I'm not about to tighten my social life with females just because some girl "might or might not" work for me. 

Just my .02. There is nothing wrong with a guy(girl) leaving a bar or any other establishment for that matter with the numbers of more then just one woman. Especially with the intent of possibly dating more then one. God forbid we suddenly forgot what this whole natural selection or God created instinct is about.

Oh and by that, i'm not saying be a player or manipulate people. But in the old days, there was only 1 way to get to know somebody. 
1) Get out and meet em. 
2) Ask for the number. 
3) Call and try and meetup again.

When did this era turn us (not you) into social deviants who are "out to get theirs". 

If this counts as ****ting it up. Then I am a true man *****.


----------



## jpr

Yes, MR. ...it doesn't really seem like you have that many issues finding people to date.


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Wait Muskrat, didn't you have a run with 3 women at once earlier this year, If i remember right?


Yep, and that was one complicated mess. Glad I got out of it alive and it only lasted a few weeks.
I had 3 different first dates that then all wanted to spend valentines day with me. In the end I canceled on all but 1 and she was not the right one to keep. :rofl: By Feb. 15 I was back to avoiding dating.


----------



## jpr

Okay...

This one is for Muskrat.

First date: Motorcycle or no motorcyle? 



....I believe our previous consensus if that Muskrat should leave the leathers at home. But, is it okay for him to show up riding his motorcycle?


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Okay...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ....I believe our previous consensus if that Muskrat should leave the leathers at home. But, is it okay for him to show up riding his motorcycle?


Yes that was the agreed upon choice...


----------



## Pbartender

muskrat said:


> Yep, and that was one complicated mess. Glad I got out of it alive and it only lasted a few weeks.
> I had 3 different first dates that then all wanted to spend valentines day with me. In the end I canceled on all but 1 and she was not the right one to keep. :rofl: By Feb. 15 I was back to avoiding dating.


That's like something out of a sit-com.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Yes, MR. ...it doesn't really seem like you have that many issues finding people to date.


Most of the women I have referenced here over the last year, were people that I met online. Very few did I actually get to meet and I had more than 1 date with only 2 of them.
For some reason I seem to date in spurts. I go 3 months with out a date and then end up with 3 dates the same week.

I have not been on an actual date since feb., now this weekend I am going camping with a meet up group. I had 2 different women message me about getting to know each other. That should be interesting. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Okay...
> 
> This one is for Muskrat.
> 
> First date: Motorcycle or no motorcyle?
> 
> 
> 
> ....I believe our previous consensus if that Muskrat should leave the leathers at home. But, is it okay for him to show up riding his motorcycle?


I only get out my bike if I think things may get physical. The way that thing vibrates, I have had a few women say it gets them "warmed up".


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> Garry...I was sort of like you too.
> 
> But, when your life is turned upside down, sometimes it is good to shake things up a bit. Don't take dating too seriously. It is fun to meet people, and listen to their stories. It is a lot of fun to make a connection with another human being--even if it doesn't go beyond a first day--it is still fun, and it is really not a waste of time. It is sort of nice to hear about another person's life, and to get to know new people. It is fun to expand your social network a bit.
> 
> *...try not to take things too seriously. At first, I was so afraid of making an "unwise" decision, that I found myself not taking risks and limiting myself.*


I'm like this. Before my marriage. I didn't really want to take the time to have lots of female friends or get to know women casually. 

I really want to focus on the bold part. After you've spent a couple years in a loveless marriage. A lot of what you "thought" mattered like a preference. Just means so little now. I used to detest nose piercings, and tattoos. Now, I admire people who have them for being expressive, comfortable in their skin, and hope that it shows honesty. 

I don't take it seriously anymore. Because I am open and honest with people. I want to just attract people who can be open, honest, and real with me. Without taking it "seriously". Let real attraction happen. 

I admire your standards. Until I am in a relationship. I don't want to take anything personal, or too serious. For the first time in a while, I am liking what I see in the mirror. Best not complicate it by throwing exclusiveness into the mix before you are even in a relationship.

I'm sure a lot of single parents have more boundaries then most to be concerned about then limiting their "options" of how many people they casually date.


----------



## COGypsy

Garry2012 said:


> I need to work on "casual dating"---never was that kind of guy before..if i dont see forever in the date, i dont go...


But how can you see "forever" in someone you haven't gotten to know? Their hairstyle? The cut of their skirt? The car they drive? Magic 8-ball?


----------



## hope4family

COGypsy said:


> But how can you see "forever" in someone you haven't gotten to know? Their hairstyle? The cut of their skirt? The car they drive? Magic 8-ball?


True story. 

My primary filter used to be my preferences. 

Now that my preferences have changed my primary filters are "red flags", "spiritual compatibility", and "politics". 

The biggest preference I have in a woman right now, is no females that don't take care of herself. Why do I mean by this? 

I want someone who works on themselves as much as I do in the hopes that we can continue that journey together.


----------



## angelpixie

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Why is it someone can commit to multiple dates within a few minutes by replying to a few messages on a dating site, but it wouldn't be acceptable to commit to multiple dates on a night out? Logically speaking, its the same principle - the only difference is your awareness. I'm at a bar, I talk to someone for awhile and we agree to meetup some other time for a date. She leaves. Cool! Let me go pursue some more dates?
> 
> Do you think any woman who is aware that this guy just scheduled a date with this other woman he was talking to is going to agree to go on a date with him? No. I don't think the principle changes just because its virtual vs live.


You're assuming that the multiple dates are scheduled within 5 minutes of each other while someone's online. I'm picturing someone looking through a list of matches, clicking the 'Yes' button for a bunch of people, then opening his or her google calendar in another browser window and waiting to pencil people in. I highly doubt it happened that way at all. It could be that the two people chat online or email each other for a few hours or over the course of a few days before the date is made. That is different from walking up to someone in a bar, making a few flirty comments and exchanging phone numbers. The fact that the two dates occur in the same weekend doesn't mean they were scheduled at the same time -- as others have said, it could be that a particular weekend is the only free time that person has.

I'd be a little wary of someone who didn't have any other things scheduled with someone of the opposite sex while waiting to see how our first date turned out. That would actually seem kinda creepy to me.


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry, I posted before I saw that the thread was supposed to go back to being fun. 




And good choice, Garry.


----------



## hope4family

I will make a general statement.

If I go into church. Meet 5 people. 2 guys 3 girls. Get 4 numbers. 1 guy 2 girls. I am really into those two girls btw, and I schedule a time to hang out with either of them. 

Am I a player? Or merely doing it right? 

I'd say if this happens. You are doing it right. You are not asking for casual sex, you are not asking for a hand in marriage. You want to get to know them more. If it clicks WAHOO. If it doesn't, hopefully you and that new guy friend can share a drink and talk sports/relationships later.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> Sorry, I posted before I saw that the thread was supposed to go back to being fun.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And good choice, Garry.


Hats.


----------



## unsure78

Hope I really appreciate your perspective on things, it really shows how much work you have put into yourself 

Oh and totally pick the scientist, shes clearly the most sexy profession


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> Hats.



:rofl:


----------



## Garry2012

COGypsy said:


> But how can you see "forever" in someone you haven't gotten to know? Their hairstyle? The cut of their skirt? The car they drive? Magic 8-ball?


True, but without any other input, its looks and how they "carry" themselves, smile, attitude, conversation patterns. Sure, once you meet there are ALOT more things to consider...i agree.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Oh and totally pick the scientist, shes clearly the most sexy profession


Really... You just can't go wrong with a scientist. 

:smthumbup:


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> Okay...so let's have another debate.
> 
> Which is profession is hotter?... librarian, executive assistant, math teacher, or laboratory scientist?


I would have to go with laboratory scientist. 

In the hopes that she wears nothing under the white coat.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Oh and totally pick the scientist, shes clearly the most sexy profession


Naturally as my thought instantly goes to ....white coats. 

But I can't help but ask based on the wink. Is that your profession?


----------



## Garry2012

Librarians have that skirt....and lots of quiet places to hide haha


----------



## Awakening2012

jpr said:


> it's just a date. i think you will be very disappointed if you expect every woman you go out on one date with to clear her social calendar on the off-chance you two might hit it off on the first date.
> 
> 
> your expectations are not really reasonable.
> 
> My social calendar is booked two weeks in advance because i have limited free time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agree 100% - there is nothing wrong with having multiple suitors and dating non-sexually unless and until there is mutual agreement to pursue LTR with someone. In fact, it's the best approach for vetting which suiters have potential to go to next level of exclusivity, if/when he initiates that convo.


----------



## angelpixie

True, and as H4F said, some of the people we meet may just end up being friends rather than partners or romantic interests. And that's OK, too. I made it a point not to have OSF while I was married, so meeting guys to just talk to is important to me, too.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

angelpixie said:


> You're assuming that the multiple dates are scheduled within 5 minutes of each other while someone's online. I'm picturing someone looking through a list of matches, clicking the 'Yes' button for a bunch of people, then opening his or her google calendar in another browser window and waiting to pencil people in. I highly doubt it happened that way at all. It could be that the two people chat online or email each other for a few hours or over the course of a few days before the date is made. That is different from walking up to someone in a bar, making a few flirty comments and exchanging phone numbers. The fact that the two dates occur in the same weekend doesn't mean they were scheduled at the same time -- as others have said, it could be that a particular weekend is the only free time that person has.
> 
> I'd be a little wary of someone who didn't have any other things scheduled with someone of the opposite sex while waiting to see how our first date turned out. That would actually seem kinda creepy to me.


My point is that you found someone, set something up with them, and subsequently set something up with someone else. It is such a mal-investment in the first person. I am (was) a pickup artist. That I used to keep multiple women in a concurrent dating pool is exactly the reason some people would've thought me a douche or a player. I've since come to understand how unhealthy this approach is. Instead of relating compatibility with someone on their own merit, you're comparison shopping and prone to superficiality. Whether you realize it or not, you're actually withholding a bit of yourself, even withholding judgment on how much you like the first person, because you want to find out about the second. The base principle here is likely the reason women are usually turned off by the guy that is trying to get every girl at the club. It means there's nothing special about you - you're just the next sample to be tried. Such low effort invested and the personal distance that comes with having someone else immediately on deck, and people wonder why things don't pan out.

If the mentality was really, "Oh, its just a date" and women were really cool with these dating multiple people scenarios, they wouldn't be turned off that that guy. That's effectively the same process that occurs online. Maybe some, like Dolly, really don't care. My experience however, has been the majority cares quite a bit.

Also, let's be frank. There aren't really many guys, even attractive ones, who are going to have several dates on their calendars. The average guy is generally happy just to get A date. Maybe its different for single guys with custody of the kids, I don't know. Its creepy to not schedule a date with someone when you already have one scheduled with someone else? Wow.

If you can't risk your social calendar to the degree of only scheduling one date at a time, then imo you're not really that interested or attracted to someone in the first place. You're playing the numbers game and aren't really excited about any of them.

Just my .02 as a reformed player. Sorry if I hijacked. Best of luck.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> True, and as H4F said, some of the people we meet may just end up being friends rather than partners or romantic interests. And that's OK, too. I made it a point not to have OSF while I was married, so meeting guys to just talk to is important to me, too.


Plus doesn't it feel great to hang around with OSF without. 

#Fear of potential jealousy from your spouse. 
#Not having to worry about whether or not you are doing something wrong. 
#If drama gets to a certain level. You can move on from this one.
#Feeling like 2am is too late to be out with OSF. 
#Red flag, boundary pushers, users.


----------



## jpr

hope4family said:


> I would have to go with laboratory scientist.
> 
> In the hopes that she wears nothing under the white coat.


But math teachers have yardsticks and...er...ah....calculators? :scratchhead:


Okay. Scientist wins.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> But math teachers have yardsticks and...er...ah....calculators? :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> Okay. Scientist wins.


You know it is not fair to make us chose between the 4 professions.
Every guy has had a fantasy of the naughty teacher who makes them stay after class. Then there is the naughty Liberian, the sexy scientist and the kinky executive assistant. They are all wonderful, why must we chose? 
Typing this made me realize I want them all!


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> You know it is not fair to make us chose between the 4 professions.
> Every guy has had a fantasy of the naughty teacher who makes them stay after class. Then there is the naughty Liberian, the sexy scientist and the kinky executive assistant. They are all wonderful, why must we chose?
> Typing this made me realize I want them all!


Ah you are a smart man Muskrat!


----------



## Garry2012

all depends how they ROCK it! haha


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> But math teachers have yardsticks and...er...ah....calculators? :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> Okay. Scientist wins.


I never realized I could focused on their um....equipment. I'll explain why in a second. 



muskrat said:


> You know it is not fair to make us chose between the 4 professions.
> Every guy has had a fantasy of the naughty teacher who makes them stay after class. Then there is the naughty Liberian, the sexy scientist and the kinky executive assistant. They are all wonderful, why must we chose?
> Typing this made me realize I want them all!


I didn't have the teacher fantasy. Largely because I was home schooled. But now that you have made me aware. Yeah, the thought could occur to me. But how many teachers want to beat me with their ruler? 

Naughty librarian, sexy scientist, and kinky executive assistant, I get though. Good play on words muskrat.


----------



## Pbartender

Okay... So just to be fair...

Hot For Teacher

...and...

Short Skirt, Long Jacket

Sorry... I couldn't a song about sexy librarians.


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Ah you are a smart man Muskrat!


Thank you, I am no scientist though.
Speaking of Scientists, would you like to be first on my mission to date a woman from every career?:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Thank you, I am no scientist though.
> Speaking of Scientists, would you like to be first on my mission to date a woman from every career?:rofl:


hmm dont think that would work Muskrat since you live on the East Coast.... may as well be in Canada....

I officially have a real date for this weekend


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> I never realized I could focused on their um....equipment. I'll explain why in a second.


Just remember... Scientists like to _*AHEM!*_ experiment.

:smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> hmm dont think that would work Muskrat since you live on the East Coast.... may as well be in Canada....
> 
> I officially have a real date for this weekend


Well played. :rofl:

Congrats on the date, hope you have a great time.:smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

math teachers like to....hmmmm..er...um....solve problems?

....yeah. scientists win.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Based on yesterdays conversation. Unsure78 could likely squeeze you in the next day.


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> math teachers like to....hmmmm..er...um....solve problems?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My appetite is quite the complex formula, she'll need that yardstick, a fancy algorithm, Some sign, some cosign, and the ability to solve my triangular equations. 

Hey at least I am trying to give it a chance. What did you do?


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Based on yesterdays conversation. Unsure78 could likely squeeze you in the next day.


Hmmm I could make room for you Rat, between the you know 4 other guys I have dates with this weekend  As long as you dont mind waiting, Im implementing a take a number system....lol


----------



## jpr

...you ARE slvtty Sandy, afterall.



time to live up to your nickname. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Hmmm I could make room for you Rat, between the you know 4 other guys I have dates with this weekend  As long as you dont mind waiting, Im implementing a take a number system....lol


Tell me you will skip certain numbers. :rofl:

If thats too dry, I was thinking let us know what happens when you yell. "Now serving number 69" and everyone gets up.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> tell me you will skip certain numbers. :rofl:
> 
> If thats too dry, i was thinking let us know what happens when you yell. "now serving number 69" and everyone gets up.


hahahahahahahah!


----------



## jpr

i am an excellent tutor.....i have mad skills at teaching things to people...especially hard things. the harder the better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

whoa. i feel dirty now. my profession is so innocent, and I'm dirtying it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> i am an excellent tutor.....i have mad skills at teaching things to people...especially hard things. the harder the better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you said hard  hahahah


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> i am an excellent tutor.....i have mad skills at teaching things to people...especially hard things. the harder the better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No its too easy. Just too easy. :lol:

Just because I can't help it. So you tutor...whats your hourly rate?


----------



## jpr

depends on how hard the material is...$40 an hour to $60 an hour. harder costs more.

...but, truthfully....i can never bring myself to charge for my services. i feel like it is my duty to help, and i feel badly charging people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

For jpr:

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Give it Away - YouTube


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> depends on how hard the material is...$40 an hour to $60 an hour. harder costs more.
> 
> ...but, truthfully....i can never bring myself to charge for my services. i feel like it is my duty to help, and i feel badly charging people.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smnotworthy:


----------



## Awakening2012

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> You're playing the numbers game and aren't really excited about any of them.
> 
> Just my .02 as a reformed player. Sorry if I hijacked. Best of luck.


I respectfully disagree. There is nothing wrong with having more than one suitor at a time, if I an dating NON-SEXUALLY, exploring potential for compatibility, chemistry and communication. Sorry, but it IS s numbers game to find Mr. Right, and I don't invest with sex until mutual readiness to explore LTR. Until then, date away!


----------



## sarcasmo

OK. Looking for some feedback here. I was playing around on Chemistry.com yesterday and for some reason decided to create an account. I didn't realize I would have to go through so many questions and I wasn't prepared to write a bio, so this was the best I could come up with on the spot. Thoughts? Cheesey? I don't know anything about how to write a bio for one of these sites so please hammer away at me!



> To be completely honest, I wasn't expecting to fill out a bio just yet. Essentially I'm soon to be divorced and just expanding my social circle.
> 
> I enjoy the outdoors and sports very much, but I can be a bit of a homebody as well. I love movies, music, books, and watching sports as much as I enjoy getting outside and partaking in activities.
> 
> I'm looking for someone that I click with. I don't believe that can be conveyed in an online bio. You know it when you start talking to one another. I guess it's more of feeling.
> 
> If you have an eclectic mix of hobbies and/or you are open minded, we would probably do well together.


I guess there is a "tag line" as well?



> Soon to be divorced father of three looking to meet new people and have fun


----------



## Garry2012

I would change your tag line...."soon-to-be-divorced" will take out 3/4 of the women, with 3 kids will take out half of the remaining 1/4. Let them get to know you/like you before you drop all that on them. If they start to like you, they wont care as much about all that stuff.


----------



## unsure78

Garry2012 said:


> I would change your tag line...."soon-to-be-divorced" will take out 3/4 of the women, with 3 kids will take out half of the remaining 1/4. Let them get to know you/like you before you drop all that on them. If they start to like you, they wont care as much about all that stuff.


Agree with Gary...


----------



## sarcasmo

Garry2012 said:


> I would change your tag line...."soon-to-be-divorced" will take out 3/4 of the women, with 3 kids will take out half of the remaining 1/4. Let them get to know you/like you before you drop all that on them. If they start to like you, they wont care as much about all that stuff.





unsure78 said:


> Agree with Gary...


Thanks. Consider it gone. I leave the tag line pretty simple for now: "looking to meet new people and have fun". I'll come up with something more creative when I'm not hung over!


----------



## Garry2012

Not that im a expert, but I try to keep it high level, positive, who you are, what you are looking for--high level. If they like like what they see and hear, they will dig into the details....


----------



## unsure78

date #2 has been scheduled 

I am moving right along....


----------



## Garry2012

2nd date same person? different?


----------



## unsure78

different... keeping my options open for now


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> different... keeping my options open for now


My calendar isn't updated. Rats.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> My calendar isn't updated. Rats.


Whats your ticket number? might not be there yet... lol


----------



## Garry2012

heck, I didnt even know she had a "calendar"!


----------



## Almostrecovered

don't forget to bring condoms!


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> don't forget to bring condoms!


No sex AR.... i wont unless im exclusive... (im really still sandra dee)


----------



## unsure78

ok question for all you out there. What is the "normal" amount of time when dating before you have sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nosmallchoice

unsure78 said:


> ok question for all you out there. What is the "normal" amount of time when dating before you have sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most people claim 3-5 dates range, but that is still pretty vague.


----------



## Awakening2012

unsure78 said:


> No sex AR.... i wont unless im exclusive... (im really still sandra dee)


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Garry2012

Depends on chemistry. ...these days I would personally shoot for 3 I think....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

interesting, just curious to know whats expected out there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sarcasmo

Ok. More advice needed on Internet dating. Which site do you all recommend? Ive gotten 5-10 "interested" or "winks" so far on Chemistry.com, but i have to pony up $20/mo to see them. Before I spend money, I'm just curious what site works best. Eharmony, Match, *******, etc. so confused. Can't afford more than 1-2 of these sites, nor do I want to seem desperate by being on all of them! I'm not attracted to any of the 20 or so matches they have shown me on Chemistry, so I'm skeptical. I know I'm a little superficial. Working on it. Damn STBXW ruined it for me. I feel like I can attain women more attractive than me thanks to her! ;-p

Not putting all my eggs in one basket. Using Meetup.com to expand my social circle as well. Trying to put myself out there and be more social (signed up for a kickball league!!). Simply using the Internet as one avenue for meeting people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

i have been on two in the last year +. Match is nice cause you can browse thru everyone and lots of people are on it. That being said its a bit more meat marketish. Eharmony you only get what matches they send you a few at a time and communication goes slow. However, the quality of the people seem higher overall. I will prob go back to match in a few months if nothing works out for me on eharmony.

and yes you need to be willing to try people outside the ones you are super attracted too. my exh was very attractive, now im willing to go out with a guy even if he isnt my" ideal" as long as i find some attraction potential there. Sometime the attraction grows, that happened with my one post D relationship. I went on the first date we clicked personality but attraction was on the fence for me. A couple of dates later and i was fully attracted to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

My sister is on plenty of fish but hasn't had very good luck. She doesn't pay for it though. I would think the paying websites would pull up better matches than the free sites. It just sounds like all the guys she goes out with are just looking to hook up. But IMO I think she is trying hats on a little too soon and then wondering why they blow away in the wind....  

My cousin is on 4 kickball leagues in NC. He LOVES it. When we were on vacation in March he was going a little crazy one day b/c he knew he was missing a game...ha. I think you will really enjoy it. Great activity to meet new friends.


----------



## sarcasmo

Thanks for the replies. Curiosity may win out and I may pony up the money to see who's showing interest, but I know the first one that came through was like 57 (not sure why it let me see that one but not others) so that concerns me (no offense to older women, but at 39, that's too wide if a margin for me). 

Looking forward to kickball. Looks like softball for soccer players!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

ok date last night.... lied about his age, 5 yrs older than what it said online. Not cool. Other than that interesting conversation and a good meal. So on to the next one later this week...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

Good for you, getting yourself out there! Don't let the discouraging ones bother you -- just consider them practice. As I like to say when one is clearly not a match, "pass the butter"


----------



## muskrat

Good luck Unsure!

I just got home from the meet and greet camping weekend. I had a blast, met lots of really nice people. I was a little nervous about going since I didn't know anyone, but they all made me feel very welcome and the alcohol helped me relax. It also turned me into the life of the party apparently. 
Uggh. Today will be a long day. I slept a total of 4 hours this weekend and I am now getting ready to go teach worship workshop. Then my kids want to do stuff all day to celebrate fathers day.


----------



## unsure78

Happy Fathers day Rat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Awakening2012 said:


> Good for you, getting yourself out there! Don't let the discouraging ones bother you -- just consider them practice. As I like to say when one is clearly not a match, "pass the butter"


Yes I still had a good time, it was nice to meet someone new and get out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> ok date last night.... lied about his age, 5 yrs older than what it said online. Not cool. Other than that interesting conversation and a good meal. So on to the next one later this week...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aren't you glad you lined a second one up now?


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> ok question for all you out there. What is the "normal" amount of time when dating before you have sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whenever you are comfortable enough?


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> ok date last night.... lied about his age, 5 yrs older than what it said online. Not cool. Other than that interesting conversation and a good meal. So on to the next one later this week...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sooooo glad you didn't wait to make this next date til after the first one happened.


----------



## sarcasmo

Well, I ponied up the cash for Chemistry.com because 1) they offered 30% off for Father's Day ($80 for 6 months. Good?) and 2) I just had to see the pictures or the dozen of so women that were "interested" in me.

Conclusion? Too early to tell. I've been on the site for less tha a week, so I'm still holding off judgement, but let's just say I wasn't attracted to most, if not all of them. Now, I don't think I'm especially young looking for 39, in fact, I think I look my age, but most of these women looked closer to my parents' age than me. And they were in the 36-42 yr. old range. I just don't get it. 

Oh, and what's with the women that clearly should have selected "full-figured", "curvy", or "a few extra pounds", but instead selected "about average" as their body type? Not a big deal since there are photos. Just found it funny because, well, there are photos!

The only half-way decent looking women were either too far away or in one case, 41 and never married/no kids (warning signs). Even these weren't slam dunks. I just figured most people look better in person so I would give them a shot, and I still might just for coffee. I'm only here for casual experiences anyway. I'm nowhere near even considering a relationship.

Oh well. Not worried. Again, this is just one avenue to meet people. Not putting all my eggs in this basket and the financial commitment for 6 months isn't that large. I willing to wait it out and see what comes my way.

Feel free to hit me with the "you're way too superficial" 2x4's!!!!


----------



## Pbartender

sarcasmo said:


> Oh, and what's with the women that clearly should have selected "full-figured", "curvy", or "a few extra pounds", but instead selected "about average" as their body type? Not a big deal since there are photos. Just found it funny because, well, there are photos!


Because, in the United States, "full-figured", "curvy", or "a few extra pounds" is "about average".


----------



## sarcasmo

Pbartender said:


> Because, in the United States, "full-figured", "curvy", or "a few extra pounds" is "about average".


I set myself up for that. I knew it was coming!


----------



## Almostrecovered

ego causes people to fudge reality, guess they want more people to see their profiles and figure they will have a better chance, dumb imo


unsure- move on from the guy who lied about his age, starting off with a lie is just no damn good


----------



## Garry2012

I have actually met a couple women from online..they were amazed that i actually looked like my pic. They said the men generally lie about age, fitness...everything. I guess women do the same. One woman said she had gone on like 30+ dates in like 6 months....all wastes of time. I dont get it...how can a relationship start with lie? lol..


----------



## Almostrecovered

you'll have more success if you are honest about yourself

how else can you find a match unless you are who you say you are?


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> Sooooo glad you didn't wait to make this next date til after the first one happened.


Tell her about it. That last guy was about 1 in a 3. She should jump straight to commitment!


----------



## unsure78

no I wont go out again with the age liar... not smart


----------



## hope4family

Pbartender said:


> Because, in the United States, "full-figured", "curvy", or "a few extra pounds" is "about average".


I had the same luck back on Chemistry.com a few years back. 

It's not that looks are a primary source of attraction. It does tell me though, that the person loves and cares for their body enough to do the right thing. Putting the wrong thing on their profile, at least clearly shows that they are not comfortable with themselves.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> no I wont go out again with the age liar... not smart


We were being sarcastic. 

To stay on topic, I wouldn't date anyone who lies about anything. Especially if I see them lie to someone else in front of me. 

Being somewhat secretive of being a single parent is something I understand. But would want openness on that by the 2nd or 3rd date at the latest if casual conversation hasn't brought it up already.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> We were being sarcastic.
> 
> To stay on topic, I wouldn't date anyone who lies about anything. Especially if I see them lie to someone else in front of me.
> 
> Being somewhat secretive of being a single parent is something I understand. But would want openness on that by the 2nd or 3rd date at the latest if casual conversation hasn't brought it up already.


Really? I wouldn't be secretive about being a single parent... i want someone who is ok with it up front


----------



## Garry2012

unsure78 said:


> Really? I wouldn't be secretive about being a single parent... i want someone who is ok with it up front


Yeah, I think the "I have 3 kids" is a deal breaker for alot of dates...but....im a packaged deal. They have to know that I have kid time, kid emergencies, no-date nights...and all those things that come with kiddos.


----------



## unsure78

Garry2012 said:


> Yeah, I think the "I have 3 kids" is a deal breaker for alot of dates...but....im a packaged deal. They have to know that I have kid time, kid emergencies, no-date nights...and all those things that come with kiddos.


Since Im a single mom (only to one though) I prefer guys who have kids. They understand the "lifestyle"


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Really? I wouldn't be secretive about being a single parent... i want someone who is ok with it up front


Now I am interested for your perspective. 

You are a single parent, like me. 

Personally, in potential 30 minute coffee shop type date. I'm not going to walk away from someone who doesn't bring up the fact that they are a single parent if I don't already know. 

But at the 2nd, and then a 3rd if it isn't brought up by then. I'm not OK with that. 

Then there is who I am. I am fairly up front, and comfortable with it. At the same time, I don't walk around with a badge that says single parent. 

Off my soap box. 

Once you tell a OSF about your kid, or they find out. Do you consider it awkward when they automatically bring up the kid from then on out as their conversation opener?


----------



## muskrat

I have yet to fill out a dating profile that does not ask if I have children. Me being a single parent is right there in my profile for all to see. Also I find it hard to talk to someone for 30 minutes about my life and who I am and never have my kids be mentioned. My children are a huge part of my life, so when a woman asks about my life my children are mentioned to some degree.


----------



## Garry2012

unsure78 said:


> Since Im a single mom (only to one though) I prefer guys who have kids. They understand the "lifestyle"


Yeah, your chances are better that they understand. Though a woman with no kids is ok too, as long as she can understand.


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> I have yet to fill out a dating profile that does not ask if I have children. Me being a single parent is right there in my profile for all to see. Also I find it hard to talk to someone for 30 minutes about my life and who I am and never have my kids be mentioned. My children are a huge part of my life, so when a woman asks about my life my children are mentioned to some degree.


I am very similar. It's not my conversation opener. But if you ask me what I'm doing this weekend, i'll say something about what my plans are for son and I. 

But some people (anyone who is not a parent), who don't have your dating profile to read are pretty dense. 

I am constantly turning down people who ask me to go out to party's. Saying "no sorry, I have the kid that night, maybe next time?" 

I've gotten a lot of amusing responses. But nobody seems to judge me for being a parent. That means a lot to me.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Now I am interested for your perspective.
> 
> You are a single parent, like me.
> 
> Personally, in potential 30 minute coffee shop type date. I'm not going to walk away from someone who doesn't bring up the fact that they are a single parent if I don't already know.
> 
> But at the 2nd, and then a 3rd if it isn't brought up by then. I'm not OK with that.
> 
> Then there is who I am. I am fairly up front, and comfortable with it. At the same time, I don't walk around with a badge that says single parent.
> 
> Off my soap box.
> 
> Once you tell a OSF about your kid, or they find out. Do you consider it awkward when they automatically bring up the kid from then on out as their conversation opener?


I haven't had that happen yet..


----------



## COGypsy

I think having/liking/wanting kids is just one of any number of compatibility issues. I wouldn't be happy with someone that couldn't go out and catch a band or go to a street festival when the opportunity presented itself any more than I'd be happy with someone that didn't enjoy cooking and trying new foods. I think there are just all kinds of things that are non-starters when it comes to dating. Before I started dating my current guy, kids were just as much of a reason to click past a profile as living at the opposite end of town (e.g. more than an hour away) or pictures with a Harley (yeah, yeah...I'm just more of a Ducati girl  )


----------



## Garry2012

Yep, some people just put "no small kids- dont want to go through that again"..i understand, i probably wouldnt either if i was past it.


----------



## LostOneForGood

To chime in, going on 1 yr of finding out the ex wife's betrayal and leaving Indiana. Some friends set up a profile for me on a few dating sites (could have killed them) but who better that knows you.. Anyway long story short, had several inquires, responded to a few and then came the regret of doing so.. WOW can only explain the level of spoiled, self centered, out of this universe expectations and overall attitude.. Have deleted all and hopefully will not return.. Have went out on a few dates since with women I know through friends, but just haven't hit it off. Unfortunately, its rural area, from here, but dont like it here.. So there;s my two cents right now..:smthumbup:
Hi Unsure,

I seen you are in Shytown, I'm 250 miles due south in southern Illinois. I know most people from Chicago thinks Illinois stops at Champaign, but we actually do live down here, lol.. Just saying..


----------



## unsure78

Hey Lost, believe or not I do know there is life beyond Chicago  I have actually traveld a lot for my job and spent A LOT of time near the St. Louis area but on the Illinois side. I have even spent some time in sothern illinois,, though that was years ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Ok working on setting up the next date with guy # 3. date with guy #2 is on thurs, he has picked a very nice restaurant and has totally took charge of the date, I have never been out with a guy like that before, so this will be a new experience for me.

On the down side the ex bf has started calling and texting that he misses talking to me. Isnt it always that way once you start pulling away. arrrg yea i miss him terribly but hes not saying he want to get back together... so im continuing to move forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

LostOneForGood said:


> I seen you are in Shytown, I'm 250 miles due south in southern Illinois. I know most people from Chicago thinks Illinois stops at Champaign, but we actually do live down here, lol.. Just saying..





unsure78 said:


> Hey Lost, believe or not I do know there is live beyond Chicago


There's a reason I list my location as "The Suburban Frontier of Chicago"...


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Ok working on setting up the next date with guy # 3. date with guy #2 is on thurs, he has picked a very nice restaurant and has totally took charge of the date, I have never been out with a guy like that before, so this will be a new experience for me.
> 
> On the down side the ex bf has started calling and texting that he misses talking to me. Isnt it always that way once you start pulling away. arrrg yea i miss him terribly but hes not saying he want to get back together... so im continuing to move forward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hate it when that happens. Let the dude go. He causes you to trigger. 

Something I have learned. If a female is causing me to trigger. (It happens, although not as often as say 4 months ago.) I remove myself for three reasons. 1. The problem is me. 2. She is exhibiting a red flag that I ignored in the past relationship. 3. The problem is me. 

Works pretty good thus far.


----------



## hope4family

On a side note, I think its great that you have guy #3 lined up already. I hate to put numbers to them, but I think considering the internet its for the best. 

One thing I have enjoyed since I have been single, is the mantra of "all is fair in love and war." The occasional **** block by another guy, or even better returning the favor. Sorry if I broke the code guys.

That, and I have felt some great enjoyment regaining my rank as the "elite" hype man.


----------



## muskrat

I also think it is great you are on number 3. You could go a little faster though, you have a long way to go till my number is called.

I also agree that you should ignore the ex bf. He has proven himself to be unreliable and uncommitted. Haven't we all had enough people like that in our lives already. His actions scream RED FLAG.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> On a side note, I think its great that you have guy #3 lined up already. I hate to put numbers to them, but I think considering the internet its for the best.
> 
> One thing I have enjoyed since I have been single, is the mantra of "all is fair in love and war." The occasional **** block by another guy, or even better returning the favor. Sorry if I broke the code guys.
> 
> That, and I have felt some great enjoyment regaining my rank as the "elite" hype man.


if one makes it far enough they will get a name but for now they are just numbers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

I know Rat he broke my heart already, uuuugggg i miss him, but im keeping my distance so far
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> On the down side the ex bf has started calling and texting that he misses talking to me. Isnt it always that way once you start pulling away. arrrg yea i miss him terribly but hes not saying he want to get back together... so im continuing to move forward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



"I miss getting laid and not having to commit to you"


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> if one makes it far enough they will get a name but for now they are just numbers
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it wrong that a girl told me to call her number 5 for her being 5ft tall? That and I could never seem to remember her name. Until just now.


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> "I miss getting laid and not having to commit to you"


No AR he actually has issues with sex outside a committed relationship. Out of the two of us im more likely the one to want an fwb.. He doesn't have any super close friends, i was the one person he let in, hes missing that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Is it wrong that a girl told me to call her number 5 for her being 5ft tall? That and I could never seem to remember her name. Until just now.


Ha thats bad, but kinda funny lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

unsure78 said:


> ok question for all you out there. What is the "normal" amount of time when dating before you have sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Strange question. Have sex when the chemistry is right and you feel like having sex.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

unsure78 said:


> ok date last night.... lied about his age, 5 yrs older than what it said online. Not cool. Other than that interesting conversation and a good meal. So on to the next one later this week...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How'd you find out he lied about his age?


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> No AR he actually has issues with sex outside a committed relationship. Out of the two of us im more likely the one to want an fwb.. He doesn't have any super close friends, i was the one person he let in, hes missing that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


so why the hell did he scoff at a LTR?


----------



## angelpixie

Almostrecovered said:


> so why the hell did he scoff at a LTR?



and with the fantabulous Unsure, no less! :scratchhead:


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

hope4family said:


> Hate it when that happens. Let the dude go. *He causes you to trigger*.
> 
> Something I have learned. If a female is causing me to trigger. (It happens, although not as often as say 4 months ago.) I remove myself for three reasons. 1. The problem is me. 2. She is exhibiting a red flag that I ignored in the past relationship. 3. The problem is me.
> 
> Works pretty good thus far.


What does trigger mean?


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> so why the hell did he scoff at a LTR?


hes a commitment phobe AR,, he basically has a painc attack and the fear takes over for him at a certian point, for me it was the trigger point of getting the kids togther.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

trigger-

something that brings up painful memories 


ie.
My wife and her OM had sex on a couch in our living room, so I donated it to a charity since it was a trigger


----------



## unsure78

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> How'd you find out he lied about his age?


His dating profiles had inconsistent ages on them one said 38 another said 39 so i questioned him on it, thats when he fessed up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

unsure78 said:


> hes a commitment phobe AR,, he basically has a painc attack and the fear takes over for him at a certian point, for me it was the trigger point of getting the kids togther.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


wow, what a catch-22 situation
can only have sex with those he can get close with but once he gets close he gets scared

yeah, not good


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Almostrecovered said:


> trigger-
> 
> something that brings up painful memories
> 
> 
> ie.
> My wife and her OM had sex on a couch in our living room, so I donated it to a charity since it was a trigger


Ah gotcha - thanks. My familiarity with "trigger" was related to mental illness so I was confused. I dated a bpd girl and there were some subjects/issues that would "trigger" her and she'd become downright crazy.


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> trigger-
> 
> something that brings up painful memories
> 
> 
> 
> ie.
> My wife and her OM had sex on a couch in our living room, so I donated it to a charity since it was a trigger


his fear is subsiding now because we have had time apart and now he just misses me. unfortunately a guy like him will not get better unless he gets therapy or else this will just pretty much happen again, if i want to stay every other weekend bf//gf with no real movement forward, no pressure on him it would prob work. Sometimes they improve without therapy but it takes a looooong time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> and with the fantabulous Unsure, no less! :scratchhead:


Im am totally fantabulous 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Almostrecovered said:


> wow, what a catch-22 situation
> can only have sex with those he can get close with but once he gets close he gets scared
> 
> yeah, not good


yes hes going to be a very lonely man and he knows it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Almostrecovered said:


> My wife and her OM had sex on a couch in our living room, so I donated it to a charity since it was a trigger


Please tell me you had it steam cleaned, first...


----------



## Garry2012

I was worried my whole house would be a trigger....but so far not.

So, as far as dating...any men have the "i want to save her from her lonely sad existance" going on? I do...not terribly....but it comes across my mind that i can "save her"...is that the codepencecy thing? I can resist...but it does cross my mind


----------



## unsure78

Garry2012 said:


> I was worried my whole house would be a trigger....but so far not.
> 
> So, as far as dating...any men have the "i want to save her from her lonely sad existance" going on? I do...not terribly....but it comes across my mind that i can "save her"...is that the codepencecy thing? I can resist...but it does cross my mind


im not a man but "saving someone" is codependentish.... ideally you want someone healthy that should not need to be saved
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Garry2012 said:


> I was worried my whole house would be a trigger....but so far not.
> 
> So, as far as dating...any men have the "i want to save her from her lonely sad existance" going on? I do...not terribly....but it comes across my mind that i can "save her"...is that the codepencecy thing? I can resist...but it does cross my mind


Crosses my mind regularly, and yes, its codependency as I understand it. Deriving some of your value from their needing you or being better off for having you.

Perhaps even some core self-esteem issues from what I've read. ie If they're healthy and don't need to be saved, what do you have to offer?


----------



## hope4family

It is codependency. 

Stick with someone who can hold their own. Find ways to be attractive to those kind of people. 

Personally, I've been the hero enough times in my life. That I finally find a sense of fulfillment that I do not have to be. What's the best about this? Leaves plenty of time to just enjoy life. When the only person you re trying to save. Is the person in the mirror.


----------



## jpr

Yes....I still fight the urge to try to "fix" people.

However, I had conversation with someone a while back. They told me that the people in my life should not be like the stray dogs that I rehabilitate and foster. At the time I was dating someone who I didn't quite connect with, and I kept dating him...hoping that things would change and that he would change. I felt a lot of compassion for him, and I wanted to give him a chance. That was not healthy.

I am definitely a sucker for a creature with sad eyes, but I shouldn't be sucker for a human who needs 'help'. I don't want to make someone a better person. I want a partner who lifts me up....just as I lift them up.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Remembering that multiple dating conversation, I've decided to experiment. I'm giving it a try. I had a date scheduled this Friday already, and I just now got a date for Saturday with someone else.

I'm curious, do you folks conceal this information from the two people? On Friday night first dates, I'm usually asked what I'm doing tomorrow night in the interest of hanging out again. If this happens, I bet she rabbits... but who knows, maybe I've been doing this all wrong and I could have been going out of tons of dates rather than only going for the ones I'm most interested in one at a time. People are cool with this? Consider me skeptical, but I'll find out.


----------



## jpr

I would just say that you already had plans for Saturday.

No need to elaborate.

As an aside, I am surprised that someone would be so forward to suggest hanging out two nights in a row like that. People are busy---especially people who have kids. I think it is assumed that you need to make plans at least a few days in advance.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

hope4family said:


> It is codependency.
> 
> Stick with someone who can hold their own. Find ways to be attractive to those kind of people.
> 
> Personally, I've been the hero enough times in my life. That I finally find a sense of fulfillment that I do not have to be. What's the best about this? Leaves plenty of time to just enjoy life. When the only person you re trying to save. Is the person in the mirror.


Its not so much trying to be attractive as it is self-value I think. In my case, there are healthy women who I known find me attractive and unhealthy women who I've known find me attractive. All things being equal, I'm still drawn more to the one with problems.

Its not what they think you are. Its what you think you are to them.

I'm good with my looks, intelligence, personality, success, attractiveness etc... I'm rather proud in fact. But as I understand it, these are external elements. They're good because other people think they're good. The subconscious drive to be someone's savior is similarly driven by low core self-esteem. Self value with no respect to attractiveness or anything else. It puts one's self worth a little more under one's control... ie "I feel good because of how important I am to her and she needs me", as opposed to "I feel good just because I'm me".

I still have trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that my codependency might be driven by low self esteem. Its certainly not even something I'm really consciously aware of... but I have a whole swath of supposed indicators I would have never linked to it.

Then again, the longer I've gone to therapy the fewer actually healthy people I see. lol We all seem to have some crazy.


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> I would just say that you already had plans for Saturday.
> 
> No need to elaborate.
> 
> As an aside, I am surprised that someone would be so forward to suggest hanging out two nights in a row like that. People are busy---especially people who have kids. I think it is assumed that you need to make plans at least a few days in advance.


Naw, some people are just very curious and want the mirror into your life. Doesn't mean they want to spend the next day with them or not. 

Or maybe they are interested in a second date. If so, and you are really into this person. Maybe you should go for it.


----------



## jpr

hope4family said:


> Naw, some people are just very curious and want the mirror into your life. Doesn't mean they want to spend the next day with them or not.
> 
> Or maybe they are interested in a second date. If so, and you are really into this person. Maybe you should go for it.


yeah...I guess that is true.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

jpr said:


> I would just say that you already had plans for Saturday.
> 
> No need to elaborate.
> 
> As an aside, I am surprised that someone would be so forward to suggest hanging out two nights in a row like that. People are busy---especially people who have kids. I think it is assumed that you need to make plans at least a few days in advance.


If its all cool with people, why conceal it? Hey, you're dating other people, I'm dating other people... others even said "its expected." If you can't say it, doesn't that argue that people aren't actually cool with it?

These girls are in their mid-20s. I'm not sure if they have kids or not yet, but most of the girls I've dated don't. I get the scarcity of time issue when you have kids... hell, now it makes more sense that older people do this multiple dating thing than it does the younger ones. Before now, I thought it was confined to the younger women; with a not so subtle touch of hypocrisy. But there's an older demographic and even several guys here also backing it up as norm, so I'm forced to rethink my position.

Honestly though, just about any date I've been on since getting divorced has asked what I was doing that weekend if the date occurred on or before Friday. It usually comes around the end of the date. Sometimes it comes after I send the "had a good time last night" text the next day - "so what are you doing tonight?" ... but they almost always ask.


----------



## COGypsy

Garry2012 said:


> I was worried my whole house would be a trigger....but so far not.
> 
> So, as far as dating...any men have the "i want to save her from her lonely sad existance" going on? I do...not terribly....but it comes across my mind that i can "save her"...is that the codepencecy thing? I can resist...but it does cross my mind


All that does is get people in shape for the next person. Not only does it do you a disservice, but I think that no one really wants to stick around with someone that knows the worst of them. Kind of like alcoholics finding new friends after they get sober.


----------



## hope4family

Dvls - My understanding, is that we are adults here. "Concealing it" is the best canned answer we will give you. The real answer is, well that depends. 

# Are you ready to cancel plans with any other female and focus on this girl? 
# Did you meet a female who vocalized with you that its just a first date, not a commitment to marriage? 
# Is the girl you are dating tomorrow who you are really interested in? (Probably shouldn't have gone on the date you are on if that's the case.) 

And many many more. So many in fact, its easier just to say "I have plans."


----------



## muskrat

I look at a first date like I am meeting a new friend. Does that mean I can't have other friends?

If I am at my kids T-ball game, the dad next to me and I start chatting. He is a gun collector like me. We decide to go target shooting (ie. first date). Must I then cancel all other plans with my other friends to spend all my free time with my new friend?
I know this is a little different. I have no interest in marrying this guy or any guy in my case.:rofl: My point is a date is just 2 friends hanging out, at least until it is determined that this is someone you would like an exclusive relationship with.

Having said all that, if I was on a first date and she asked what I am doing tomorrow, I would just say I have plans.


----------



## angelpixie

I don't think a desire to not reveal a date the next night always means that it's something to be ashamed of. If I was taking my DS to the movies, I'd probably just say 'I have plans.' If I'm just meeting someone, I'm more likely to keep my life a little private til I know them better, and 'I have plans' sounds a lot nicer than 'Nunya bizness'


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

muskrat said:


> I look at a first date like I am meeting a new friend. Does that mean I can't have other friends?


Are you pursuing a romantic interest in your friends? That's the difference between hanging out with a friend and going on a DATE. As is oft repeated on these forums, intent is everything. 



muskrat said:


> If I am at my kids T-ball game, the dad next to me and I start chatting. He is a gun collector like me. We decide to go target shooting (ie. first date). Must I then cancel all other plans with my other friends to spend all my free time with my new friend?
> I know this is a little different. I have no interest in marrying this guy or any guy in my case.:rofl: My point is a date is just 2 friends hanging out, at least until it is determined that this is someone you would like an exclusive relationship with.


I think we can all agree that the character of a date is quite different from hanging out with a friend. I don't generally buy my friend's dinner, nor am I evaluating romantic potential and physical attraction.


----------



## muskrat

Man you are putting way to much thought into this. Just go out and meet lots of people and enjoy yourself. When you meet that right person you will have no desire to date others and you can cancel all other plans. In the mean time why restrict yourself?


----------



## jpr

Hahahaha...DvlsAdv8. You sure do live up to your name!

You asked a question. ...how to respond when someone asks you what you are doing the next night after you have already made plans. 

Most of us responded and said that we would simply say, "I already have plans".

If you want to do something else, then that's cool....and it's up to you. 

Best of luck on your dates this weekend.


----------



## unsure78

Agree with the others, I would say I have plans. I am actually finding that its a normal part of small talk either prior to the date or on the date itself, asking what peoples plans are for the rest of the weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Maybe it's just me, but I usually consider most questions about plans to just be a part of conversation. Especially when we're talking about a first date. Since you have no shared history or other things like that to discuss, you talk about surface stuff.

That being said, I don't generally give out a lot of detail about where I'm going to be and who I'll be with to anyone unless maybe they know everyone involved. I might tell one friend that I'm playing golf tomorrow with one of our other friends. But if I'm playing golf with someone they don't know, I'll probably just say I've got a tee time tomorrow.

Strangers don't have any need to know where or who I'm with. A first date is a stranger until enough interest has been established to proceed otherwise. So while I probably wouldn't say I'm on a date, I'd probably say something like I'm going to see Hangover III this weekend and leave it at that.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Man you are putting way to much thought into this. Just go out and meet lots of people and enjoy yourself. When you meet that right person you will have no desire to date others and you can cancel all other plans. In the mean time why restrict yourself?


Bingo!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

muskrat said:


> Man you are putting way to much thought into this. Just go out and meet lots of people and enjoy yourself. When you meet that right person you will have no desire to date others and you can cancel all other plans. In the mean time why restrict yourself?


I meet lots of people and enjoy myself quite a bit. Not sure what that has to do with scheduling dates with multiple people. Multiple dating says to me you're not putting much effort into any of them - you have the next one lined up already. ie you're not very interested. If you're not seriously interested, why accept the date in the first place? I don't know about you, but most of the women I've asked out, I've done so after determining whether they were worth asking out. Not hanging out as friends, but a DATE to see if we might be more than friends. Trying to be more than just friends with multiple people... sounds shady to me (sure explains the necessary concealment though, however you want to rationalize it), but hey... if that's how it is. I'm all kinds of interested in how this pans out now. I've turned down a number of dating opportunities because I was more interested in someone else and taking another date would likely mean leading someone on. To think, I could have just pursued them all! 

Making plans with someone and then cancelling, out of willful option, shows a complete disregard for that other person imo. You want a relationship with them?

This has been quite enlightening. All this time I thought the younger ones were just a little messed up; while its not pickup... there sure is a similar smell to it.

I'll report back.


----------



## hope4family

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I meet lots of people and enjoy myself quite a bit. Not sure what that has to do with scheduling dates with multiple people. Multiple dating says to me you're not putting much effort into any of them - you have the next one lined up already. ie you're not very interested. If you're not seriously interested, why accept the date in the first place? I don't know about you, but most of the women I've asked out, I've done so after determining whether they were worth asking out. Not hanging out as friends, but a DATE to see if we might be more than friends. Trying to be more than just friends with multiple people... sounds shady to me (sure explains the necessary concealment though), but hey... if that's how it goes. I'm all kinds of interested in how this pans out. I've turned down a number of dating opportunities because I was more interested in someone else and taking another date would likely mean leading someone on. To think, I could have just pursued them all!
> 
> Making plans with someone and then cancelling, out of willful option, shows a complete disregard for that other person imo. You want a relationship with them?
> 
> This has been quite enlightening. All this time I thought the younger ones were just a little messed up; while its not pickup... there sure is a similar smell to it.
> 
> I'll report back.


I guess that's the problem. You are allegedly a reformed player. I get it. 

It will be hard to break you of your viewpoint, because you don't trust yourself or as in my case. You aren't showing that you trust yourself enough to try it. It's black and white thinking, when there is a lot of gray in all of this. 

I never wanted OSF. Because they can be awkwardly inappropriate. Now, I have changed my viewpoint. It has made me happier, and oddly enough. I talk to women more. Strange.


----------



## jpr

Well....my hat won't get off Match. ...even though I told him that it bothers me that he is still has an online profile that he checks on a daily basis. 


Sooo...I guess it is back to the drawing board.


Stupid Cubs fan! 
grrrrr.


----------



## hope4family

Fire the hat! Time to look for a new one.


----------



## Pbartender

jpr said:


> Well....my hat won't get off Match. ...even though I told him that it bothers me that he is still has an online profile that he checks on a daily basis.


He sounds like an asshat.


----------



## unsure78

pbartender said:


> he sounds like an asshat.


hahaha yessssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

First date tonight with guy #2, Looking forward to it 

haha the liar date #1 texted me the other day trying to start a conversation.... hmmm um NO!

on the downside (i think?) increased texting with the exbf (initated on both sides)... boo prob not a great idea... but i do still miss him ( yes i fully aware that contact makes it so much harder to break.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> First date tonight with guy #2, Looking forward to it
> 
> haha the liar date #1 texted me the other day trying to start a conversation.... hmmm um NO!
> 
> on the downside (i think?) increased texting with the exbf (initated on both sides)... boo prob not a great idea... but i do still miss him ( yes i fully aware that contact makes it so much harder to break.


Oh unsure. 

You could do better.  Please give it time.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Oh unsure.
> 
> You could do better.  Please give it time.


Im still going on my dates....


----------



## hope4family

Keep up the no contact. If you can't you are probably not ready to date. Give some of these honest guys a fair shake. 

I am biased in this advice. Through personal bad experience.  There always seems to be a great girl who just needs to take a break for a while.


----------



## Garry2012

ex texts are easy and prob effortless because you know each other...Im sure my x would love to text me...i cut her off...pasta la vista bagel...find another clown..

so...how much do you text someone before you say, ok, time for a date? I have a couple of women i have been texting...but have to say they have been anything but effortless...which makes me feel less than enthusiastic about a date. I had one women that was very effortless..but she wanted a ltr...too soon for me...but she still stays in contact just in case...yeah, she was smitten..haha


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Keep up the no contact. If you can't you are probably not ready to date. Give some of these honest guys a fair shake.
> 
> I am biased in this advice. Through personal bad experience.  There always seems to be a great girl who just needs to take a break for a while.


Haven't found an "honest" one yet....lol


----------



## unsure78

Garry2012 said:


> ex texts are easy and prob effortless because you know each other...Im sure my x would love to text me...i cut her off...pasta la vista bagel...find another clown..
> 
> so...how much do you text someone before you say, ok, time for a date? I have a couple of women i have been texting...but have to say they have been anything but effortless...which makes me feel less than enthusiastic about a date. I had one women that was very effortless..but she wanted a ltr...too soon for me...but she still stays in contact just in case...yeah, she was smitten..haha


hmm typically how its been going with me is several emails exchanged, then maybe a few hours of texting, then a phone call. Typically at the phone call is when Im then asked out. 

Garry are you just looking to get out? if so who cares its its effortless before the date. If you are looking for someone with real potential, then maybe you should have tried out ltr potential girl. Its really hard to have it both way being casual but also with someone you have that connection with.


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Haven't found an "honest" one yet....lol


We are out there. Just look around TAM and you will find plenty of great, honest men. That should give you hope in finding the right man for you.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Well....my hat won't get off Match. ...even though I told him that it bothers me that he is still has an online profile that he checks on a daily basis.
> 
> 
> Sooo...I guess it is back to the drawing board.
> 
> 
> Stupid Cubs fan!
> grrrrr.


I would throw my hat in your ring, but I am a Reds fan and that would never work with a Cards fan.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> We are out there. Just look around TAM and you will find plenty of great, honest men. That should give you hope in finding the right man for you.


Oh I know Rat... their are great men out there...


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Oh I know Rat... their are great men out there...


Finding a great woman is the hard part.:rofl:


----------



## hope4family

@Garry - Whenever you are ready. 

If they say no. Move on, unless you want female friends.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Haven't found an "honest" one yet....lol


Yeah, sure you haven't. haha.


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> Finding a great woman is the hard part.:rofl:


They exist in bountiful amounts. Just got to familiarize yourself with the pursuit. 

And find one who likes/wants a kid and understands those boundaries. 

Yeah, were screwed.


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> They exist in bountiful amounts. Just got to familiarize yourself with the pursuit.
> 
> And find one who likes/wants a kid and understands those boundaries.
> 
> *Yeah, were screwed.*


OK, that sounds more like you, h4f. I was starting to worry with all that positive talk -- wondering what alien being had taken you over. :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> They exist in bountiful amounts. Just got to familiarize yourself with the pursuit.
> 
> And find one who likes/wants a kid and understands those boundaries.
> 
> Yeah, were screwed.


No, you're not... You've just got to make that when you see one, you snap her up, before someone else does.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> OK, that sounds more like you, h4f. I was starting to worry with all that positive talk -- wondering what alien being had taken you over. :rofl:


To be truthful with you. 

Women aren't the problem. I have learned that I am. There are lots of great ones. I can think of 3 right now that i'd be like "OK lets do this". 

And what the heck PBartender? I'm a dude, I am not looking for a "him."


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> And what the heck PBartender? I'm a dude, I am not looking for a "him."


I don't know what you're talking about... 

Sorry. Slip of the keyboard... My bad.

Never mind me.


----------



## unsure78

Date with guy #2 went very well... No red flags, he was very nice, had a nice time... he texted me after the date saying that he enjoyed the evening. I have no expectations though, we will see if he asks me out again but I would go on a second date with him....


----------



## angelpixie

Meeting someone from match tonight. First date in over a year. Funny, I added a few more photos to my profile this week, and I've had a definite increase in responses. I didn't expect that.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> Meeting someone from match tonight. First date in over a year. Funny, I added a few more photos to my profile this week, and I've had a definite increase in responses. I didn't expect that.


What kind of photos did you post. Normal stuff? 

I thought about joining on online dating service. Still am to be honest. But, as silly as it sounds, I dont take very many photos of myself.


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah -- actually I think everything I have on my profile has also been posted here on TAM at some point, lol. I had a few head shots, then I added one more that's in my photo album, and a photo of DS and I as Calvin and Hobbes for Halloween, and a photo that I took of the two of us outside our new house the day we got our keys. I read it's not good to just have head shots, so I added the other ones that weren't, and I thought the Calvin & Hobbes was good one to show that sometimes I do goofy things like dressing up with my son on Halloween.


----------



## hope4family

I gotcha. I have lots of photos of me dancing. Lots more of me and my son. Very few of just me.


----------



## angelpixie

Meeting went well. He was very easy to talk to; I felt very relaxed. On paper, we should be great together, but I wasn't really feeling it.  But...he is nice and we do seem to have a lot to talk about together. He said he wanted to see me again, and if he asks, I will go out with him again, I think. After I got home, he texted that he's more fun when he's relaxed, lol...and that he thought I was very sexy.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> meeting went well. He was very easy to talk to; i felt very relaxed. On paper, we should be great together, but i wasn't really feeling it.  but...he is nice and we do seem to have a lot to talk about together. He said he wanted to see me again, and if he asks, i will go out with him again, i think. After i got home, he texted that he's more fun when he's relaxed, lol...and that he thought i was very sexy.


dooooo it angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Almostrecovered

ooooooh angel gonna get sum


----------



## vi_bride04

......

Librarian sitting at a desk going through books. A man walks up - "Miss, I think I have a very late book, how can I pay the overdue charges?"

 
........


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm glad it went well - you are just dipping in your toes so merely beginning to be comfortable with the process is important.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> dooooo it angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Almostrecovered said:


> ooooooh angel gonna get sum





vi_bride04 said:


> ......
> 
> Librarian sitting at a desk going through books. A man walks up - "Miss, I think I have a very late book, how can I pay the overdue charges?"
> 
> 
> ........



Geez, you guys.  It's gonna take more than a beer and a few compliments to get me to try on the hat, so to speak. I wish I liked him more, though. I feel kind of bad. He's already texted me two more times. 

And guy #2 wants to set up a date, now, too. Inexplicably, guy #3, who actually had the best written profile (so I think we'd be a better match as far as humor, etc.), took his profile down. He was a little older than I hoped for, too, but I was willing to take a chance. 

This is so weird!!! I'm so not used to this.


----------



## Almostrecovered

Everyone pile on angel!!!!






:d


----------



## angelpixie

OMFG, AR!! :rofl:


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> Geez, you guys.  It's gonna take more than a beer and a few compliments to get me to try on the hat, so to speak. I wish I liked him more, though. I feel kind of bad. He's already texted me two more times.
> 
> And guy #2 wants to set up a date, now, too. Inexplicably, guy #3, who actually had the best written profile (so I think we'd be a better match as far as humor, etc.), took his profile down. He was a little older than I hoped for, too, but I was willing to take a chance.
> 
> This is so weird!!! I'm so not used to this.


Attraction is important for sure. 

But us broken people need to do a double take when we are NOT attracted to someone. 

Is it because they aren't showing the bad tendencies we like? 

Whenever I do not find a female appealing nowadays. Usually the first reason, is because they aren't needy. I'm fixing this problem, fast.


----------



## angelpixie

Good point, h4f. I found myself kind of unconsciously doing a mental checklist, lol. I didn't notice anything that jumped out at me. That's why I'm willing to give it a second date. I know that more often than not, attraction isn't immediate. There really isn't any reason I can see _not_ to go out again --- except for the lack of spark/physical attraction. I'm sad to say that my immediate impression is that he's not my type. But Enjoli's right -- I'm still just dipping my toes into this whole thing. So, I'll give it another chance.


----------



## Almostrecovered

c'mon, lower your standards already, lol


----------



## COGypsy

angelpixie said:


> Good point, h4f. I found myself kind of unconsciously doing a mental checklist, lol. I didn't notice anything that jumped out at me. That's why I'm willing to give it a second date. I know that more often than not, attraction isn't immediate. There really isn't any reason I can see _not_ to go out again --- except for the lack of spark/physical attraction. I'm sad to say that my immediate impression is that he's not my type. But Enjoli's right -- I'm still just dipping my toes into this whole thing. So, I'll give it another chance.


One other thing to consider is that first dates can just be awkward. Both people are a little nervous and you're both trying to look cute, be interesting...without being psycho or talking about the wrong things. I always say that unless there are red flags or it's just a truly awful date--it's far better to give things another shot once you've gotten the dreaded first date out of the way. After a couple or few dates, you'll have a much more accurate picture.


----------



## jpr

I was talking to this guy I used to date this morning. We were talking about our current relationships today...he has this theory. You know how some people rate the attractiveness of people of the opposite gender?...usually they rate them on a scale of 1-10.

Well, his theory is that the scale should be binary. 0 = "I won't have sex with that person" and a 1 = "I would have sex with that person".

He says that you know this right away. He said that the girl is just broke up with is really a "0" to him...however, he talked himself into a relationship with her because she is cool and fun and he really, really enjoyed just hanging out with her. But, he was not really sexually attracted to her. He wasn't quite sure why either--he said that most people know immediately. ...and, in the future, he is going to made sure he doesn't cross any boundaries with woman that he rates to be 0's.

I am not quite sure if I totally agree with his theory. ...because, for me, attraction is much more than what someone looks like. But, it was really interesting listening to his point of view.


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> I was talking to this guy I used to date this morning. We were talking about our current relationships today...he has this theory. You know how some people rate the attractiveness of people of the opposite gender?...usually they rate them on a scale of 1-10.
> 
> Well, his theory is that the scale should be binary. 0 = "I won't have sex with that person" and a 1 = "I would have sex with that person".
> 
> He says that you know this right away. He said that the girl is just broke up with is really a "0" to him...however, he talked himself into a relationship with her because she is cool and fun and he really, really enjoyed just hanging out with her. But, he was not really sexually attracted to her. He wasn't quite sure why either--he said that most people know immediately. ...and, in the future, he is going to made sure he doesn't cross any boundaries with woman that he rates to be 0's.
> 
> I am not quite sure if I totally agree with his theory. ...because, for me, attraction is much more than what someone looks like. But, it was really interesting listening to his point of view.


I think he is talking about long term. 

You want to be with someone long term that you wouldn't have sex with? 

That's what I got from it, maybe i'm wrong.


----------



## jpr

hope4family said:


> I think he is talking about long term.
> 
> You want to be with someone long term that you wouldn't have sex with?
> 
> That's what I got from it, maybe i'm wrong.


No...I think what he was saying is that he knows right away if he would be willing to sleep with someone or not. He describes it as being a chemical attraction. ...and he said that even if the other person is a good person and a fun person, if that chemical attraction isn't there, there is just no way of 'kindling' and creating it out of compassion.


----------



## hope4family

Not to be mean. But that only works for him not for me. 

True most times there is only a 1 or a 0. But sometimes, there is a lets get to know her more first. 

Now if he wants to follow that initial urge. Good for him. To me though, it sounds like he is judging a book by their cover, and a woman, isn't going to be on the top of their "game" every day.

I'm a dude, and when I have 7 hours of sleep in 2 days because i'm a single Father that tries to have fun. I want to attract a women who gives the benefit of the doubt.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Gosh, I'm glad everyone isn't binary in their thinking of attraction.

I've never just met someone and felt chemistry. It always has to build from getting to know them. Maybe it's mostly a female thing? What really turns me on is something they say or do that gives me insight into a fact of their personality that is very attractive to me.


----------



## jpr

Yeah....I don't think I agree with him. I thought maybe it was a guy-thing...it is nice to hear that not all men think that way.

But, I have been known to feel an instant attraction to someone I just met. But, usually that attraction is fleeting and not sustaining.

I was not attracted to my ex-husband at all when we first met in college. However, over time, that attraction grew and, at one point, I was madly in love with him.

I just sort of thought it was an interesting conversation. He has been dating around A LOT, and he has come to the conclusion that if doesn't feel some sort of attraction by the first date, then he will not go on a second date with that person.


----------



## hope4family

jpr said:


> Yeah....I don't think I agree with him. I thought maybe it was a guy-thing...it is nice to hear that not all men think that way.
> 
> But, I have been known to feel an instant attraction to someone I just met. But, usually that attraction is fleeting and not sustaining.
> 
> I was not attracted to my ex-husband at all when we first met in college. However, over time, that attraction grew and, at one point, I was madly in love with him.
> 
> I just sort of thought it was an interesting conversation. He has been dating around A LOT, and he has come to the conclusion that if doesn't feel some sort of attraction by the first date, then he will not go on a second date with that person.


The approach is fine as long as you don't confuse it with love/lust at first sight. 

At the same time, I wouldn't force it either. Think about it, if a majority of us posters are recovering co-dependent. Maybe we need an "initial attraction" rule.


----------



## angelpixie

I think it's a bit of a balancing act for recovering co-dependents. I'm trying to get in the habit of trusting my gut feelings more. I've usually had a rather immediate spark with guys I've gone out with. I worry a little that in the 'giving it a chance' frame of mind, I could easily find myself staying in a relationship too long because I don't want to hurt someone by telling him that I'm not attracted to him, for example. To prevent that kind of thing, an 'initial attraction,' as you put it h4f, is very appealing. OTOH, yes, a first date is fraught with nerves and impression-making, so that's probably not enough to know for sure unless it's really bad.


----------



## muskrat

Congrats AP. It is fun to get out and meet new people.


----------



## LostViking

One of the things I need to work on is my tendency towards apathy. It's really an issue I need to work on. I'm one of those types that once I win a woman's heart I get lazy and I stop doing the things she needs me to do to know that I love and desire her. 

I'm very bad about that. I guess in many ways I am a very selfish person and I need to address that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

LostViking said:


> One of the things I need to work on is my tendency towards apathy. It's really an issue I need to work on. I'm one of those types that once I win a woman's heart I get lazy and I stop doing the things she needs me to do to know that I love and desire her.
> 
> I'm very bad about that. I guess in many ways I am a very selfish person and I need to address that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You could become the other way. 

Then you would be needy, suffocating, or she will tell you that she just feels like an "object." 

Fine line friend. Fine line.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

LostViking said:


> One of the things I need to work on is my tendency towards apathy. It's really an issue I need to work on. I'm one of those types that once I win a woman's heart I get lazy and I stop doing the things she needs me to do to know that I love and desire her.
> 
> I'm very bad about that. I guess in many ways I am a very selfish person and I need to address that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you should set reminders on your phone. It's not particularly romantic but if the end result is retraining your brain, that would be a good thing. Just a reminder to think about someone else and do something for another right then. Morning and afternoon. It can be to help a coworker to tell someone they did a good job/made a good call on something. When you are in a relationship, it could be a text to say you're thinking about them. But the reminders might shift some gears in your head. Just an idea.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

So I had my two dates last weekend and just so happened that the first date never asked about what I was doing the next day so the issue of seeing someone else didn't come up. Neither date was really anything special... run of the mill and not much chemistry/intensity.

It didn't really feel right though. Booking both nights with girls I was only lukewarm about felt a little empty. I intentionally didn't seduce or run a sexual game on them and kept it casual. The result was "meh." I don't really want a second date with either of them. It was like carelessly throwing things at the wall to see what sticks.

I don't know if this is a guy thing or a ME thing... but I have a lot more fun and feel better about actively working to seduce and impress just ONE girl I'm REALLY excited about as opposed to going out with a bunch of lukewarms and maybe one sticks. ie "seduce THIS ONE", and then making it happen. Its like oneitis in dating I guess. 

To be honest, I don't think I could go on dates with multiple women I'm really into. I could pursue several with a sexual objective, but I think I'm only capable of directing/investing emotional energy at one at a time.

So the casual dating thing isn't really for me I think. I'm going to stick to just going after the ones I'm really excited about, and if she accepts, on with the seduction. My casual dates this past weekend felt like I wasn't even really trying. I can go out with female friends whenever I want to; this felt a lot like that. Wasn't very exciting.


----------



## jpr

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> So the casual dating thing isn't really for me I think. I'm going to stick to just going after the ones I'm really excited about, and if she accepts, on with the seduction. My casual dates this past weekend felt like I wasn't even really trying. I can go out with female friends whenever I want to; this felt a lot like that. Wasn't very exciting.


Okay....I don't get it. :scratchhead:...How do you know if you are really interested in someone unless you go on a date with them first? :scratchhead:...Are you basing everything on looks? Text messages? Emails?

Truthfully, this weekend seems like a healthy approach to dating. You had a couple of dates, and didn't really hit it off with either. Okay...so move on, and try again. 

To me, it sort of seems a little unhealthy to start off investing emotionally in someone you barely know.


----------



## muskrat

Well I am back from Baltimore. My date went extremely well, but once again it is someone with a distance problem. I am not really into the long distance relationship thing and I am not comfortable with either of us moving so we can date more.
Ugggh. why is this so hard and such a challenge?


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> Okay....I don't get it. :scratchhead:...How do you know if you are really interested in someone unless you go on a date with them first? :scratchhead:...Are you basing everything on looks? Text messages? Emails?
> 
> 
> 
> l can never for the life of me understand this attitude . What so your saying you can't tell if your interested in someone or not ? How can that be.
> God l know the second l lay eyes on anyone, from there if there was none l'm wasting my time . lf l go against that and try a date or something anyway , even bigger waste of time . Very rarely wrong my whole life.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

jpr said:


> Okay....I don't get it. :scratchhead:...How do you know if you are really interested in someone unless you go on a date with them first? :scratchhead:...Are you basing everything on looks? Text messages? Emails?
> 
> Truthfully, this weekend seems like a healthy approach to dating. You had a couple of dates, and didn't really hit it off with either. Okay...so move on, and try again.
> 
> To me, it sort of seems a little unhealthy to start off investing emotionally in someone you barely know.


Actually, its quite a bit more than looks... hard to explain but for me its chemistry/electricity. I rarely ask someone out without feeling that. The girls I dated the other week were examples. Cute, but kind of anonymous... didn't already have chemistry before I asked. There wasn't any, and it showed during the dates. I need something about the person that makes me really excited about having a date with them - some magic element that makes me want to go into seduction mode. Sure, I might discover more about her on the first date that makes me not want to keep pursuing her, but I honestly enjoy that intense desire to pursue and impress that comes with really being into someone. Without that magic, dates just feel hum drum to me. I don't care if it goes well or not because I'm not that excited about it in the first place. I want to be excited and invested in the outcome. I want to pursue and seduce until I have a reason not to. So most of the women Ive asked out, I did so after some live interaction that just had "electricity". In the few times I've met someone online, it was usually after a lot of messages and text playfulness that had that sort of chemistry. If I haven't managed to get that feeling before landing the date, the date often feels kinda "meh."

I'm a big fan of chemistry and circumstance. An initial conversation or way of meeting before even landing the date that seems to scream "the universe has presented this girl just for me". I can't wait to get to know her. So much so that asking someone else out while waiting for the date to arrive doesn't even come to mind.

It means fewer dates, but usually some great "first time we met" stories. I can get dates. But exciting dates with good "how we met" stories that are harder to come by. Given that, needing to have multiple dates with different girls on the calendar at once has never really come up for me. I guess I would just rather start with a special connection and work from there than start with "eh, we'll see" and look for a special connection.

That's just me. Not knocking anyone else. Like I said, maybe I'm doing it wrong. lol But the dates I had the other week were just total wastes of time - like throwing random good looking girls at the wall and hoping one sticks.

I want to have more chemistry before even going on a date - that initial "BOOM!" if you will, and if that means fewer dates, so be it.


----------



## Garry2012

I have noticed that the online thing is hard..you can talk and get along great, and the pictures seem good...but in real life..not chemistry etc. Makes it hard..i need that BAM chemistry to schedule date 2.


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, I'm realizing I do, too. The 2nd date didn't materialize for me, and I'm totally 'meh' about it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I have noticed that the online thing is hard..you can talk and get along great, and the pictures seem good...but in real life..not chemistry etc. Makes it hard..i need that BAM chemistry to schedule date 2.


And this is a big reason I stopped with the online thing. It wasted too much of my time. My success is purely because of focusing on building my social circle. It just takes so long for an online relationship to really build. I would rather make a ton of friends, go out with them, and meet people randomly. For instance, my crossfit gym is going kayaking and camping this weekend. There are going to be some people that are there that are guests of girls at the gym, etc. Now, my gf goes to the gym, so we are together. BUT, it is just an example. You can meet and let things move naturally. Online dating makes things feel a little "forced". Also, by being around people that are interested in the same hobbies, it gives that auto connection.


----------



## Awakening2012

muskrat said:


> Well I am back from Baltimore. My date went extremely well, but once again it is someone with a distance problem. I am not really into the long distance relationship thing and I am not comfortable with either of us moving so we can date more.
> Ugggh. why is this so hard and such a challenge?


Hi Muskrat -

Congrats on taking that risk of driving to Baltimore to meet a prospective date -- even if the distance thing rules that one out. They are all good "practice" for when the right one comes along 

Don't get discouraged and don't give up too easily. IMHO, it's a numbers game -- the more women you meet, the more likely you are to find "the one."

Cheers,- A12


----------



## Awakening2012

Dedicated2Her said:


> For instance, my crossfit gym is going kayaking and camping this weekend. There are going to be some people that are there that are guests of girls at the gym, etc. Now, my gf goes to the gym, so we are together.


Hi D2H - 

Yay, a fellow CrossFitter! I'm in that cult, too (3 years now), but reluctant to date anyone from my gym, because it is a very important social support community to me and if something went afoul I would not want any weirdness. But I have met a ton of awesome people there and love the community/social aspect of it besides the physical challenge and confidence-building.

Best, - A12


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Well I am back from Baltimore. My date went extremely well, but once again it is someone with a distance problem. I am not really into the long distance relationship thing and I am not comfortable with either of us moving so we can date more.
> Ugggh. why is this so hard and such a challenge?


Did you get some?


----------



## hope4family

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi D2H -
> 
> Yay, a fellow CrossFitter! I'm in that cult, too (3 years now), but reluctant to date anyone from my gym, because it is a very important social support community to me and if something went afoul I would not want any weirdness. But I have met a ton of awesome people there and love the community/social aspect of it besides the physical challenge and confidence-building.
> 
> Best, - A12


I feel very similar about my dancing group. 

You dont want to ruin something that is THAT awesome for you. Even though, I've been very tempted.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Hi D2H -
> 
> Yay, a fellow CrossFitter! I'm in that cult, too (3 years now), but reluctant to date anyone from my gym, because it is a very important social support community to me and if something went afoul I would not want any weirdness. But I have met a ton of awesome people there and love the community/social aspect of it besides the physical challenge and confidence-building.
> 
> Best, - A12


Well, I just started about 2 months ago, and it was my gf that got me started. I've consistently done P90X and some other stuff, but needed a change and wanted to meet more people. (funny, I've been branching out like that quite a bit) It's her gym, and if anything went afoul, I would have no issues going somewhere else.....just could meet more people! Love Crossfit, though as I have put on about 10 lbs with losing another inch off the waist. 

However, we are passing the 6 month mark and things continue to get better. I really believe that if we do break up or anything it will be because one of us ends up ready to get married and the other isn't. We'll see. 

But, the point is, their were just too many shady situations online. You never knew what you were getting into.


----------



## Awakening2012

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well, I just started about 2 months ago, and it was my gf that got me started. I've consistently done P90X and some other stuff, but needed a change and wanted to meet more people. (funny, I've been branching out like that quite a bit) It's her gym, and if anything went afoul, I would have no issues going somewhere else.....just could meet more people! Love Crossfit, though as I have put on about 10 lbs with losing another inch off the waist.
> 
> However, we are passing the 6 month mark and things continue to get better. I really believe that if we do break up or anything it will be because one of us ends up ready to get married and the other isn't. We'll see.
> 
> But, the point is, their were just too many shady situations online. You never knew what you were getting into.


Hi D2H - 

Good for you! I'm glad to hear things seem to be going well -- there are lots of couples at my CF gym (married and not) who enjoy working out together, so that would be a fun interest to share with a significant other. Have the two of you talked about ever wanting to get married again? When I'm ready for dating, once I would get to know someone, I would want to let them know I'm not looking to get re-married, only for an exclusive LTR with the right person who shares that outlook. 

I'm not going to knock the on-line thing, because I think people give up on it way too easily, and it is how I met my XH. Though our marriage did not work out (to my sorrow), we had some fantastic years together which I will never regret.

However, another venue that gives you the no strings in-person quick impression test drive is the Speed dating option. Most urban places have these functions, and they even target them by age bracket. 

When the time comes, I'll likely take that route.

Cheers and happy CrossFitting! - A12


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Hi D2H -
> 
> Good for you! I'm glad to hear things seem to be going well -- there are lots of couples at my CF gym (married and not) who enjoy working out together, so that would be a fun interest to share with a significant other. Have the two of you talked about ever wanting to get married again? When I'm ready for dating, once I would get to know someone, I would want to let them know I'm not looking to get re-married, only for an exclusive LTR with the right person who shares that outlook.
> 
> I'm not going to knock the on-line thing, because I think people give up on it way too easily, and it is how I met my XH. Though our marriage did not work out (to my sorrow), we had some fantastic years together which I will never regret.
> 
> However, another venue that gives you the no strings in-person quick impression test drive is the Speed dating option. Most urban places have these functions, and they even target them by age bracket.
> 
> When the time comes, I'll likely take that route.
> 
> Cheers and happy CrossFitting! - A12
> Today 10:44 AM


A12- No, we really haven't talked about it (marriage) at length. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it, and she doesn't either. We are just going with it. It is fun, light, and drama free. I don't want to say that marriage is a requirement, and I don't think she does either. We just seem to enjoy seeing where this takes us. It's no rush for anything on either side, but what is happening right now feels so right. We both have kids, therefore, we are really focusing on keeping our dating lives separate from the kids. The kids know about us, they just haven't been introduced to either, and I'm not sure when that will happen.

We push each other in the gym real hard and the accountability piece is becoming more and more apparent for us each week. It's just good positive stuff. I guess I enjoy having fun in groups so much that the online thing just wasn't something that I enjoyed. In addition, I had way too many female interests to add more to it anyway. Apparently, doing the therapy thing and working your butt off to become complete (mind, body, soul) has a profound effect on your ability to attract people. It's kind of weird compared to being married for 14 years.

Most definitely Happy Crossfitting!


----------



## muskrat

A word of advice. Beware of online dating. The crazy runs deep in some people. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Oh no, MR -- speaking from experience?


----------



## muskrat

Yep! It seems I have acquired a stalker. I never met this women, only talked on the phone. She saw pics online of me at a meet and greet with women present and has lost her mind. She is on the dating site trashing me in the chat forums and sending me endless texts.
Maybe I messed up. I was not aware that talking on the phone constituted a committed relationship. I was also unaware that going to a public gathering with both sexes present was a no no.

I guess you live and you learn.


----------



## jpr

Wow, MR.

That is CRAZY!


----------



## vi_bride04

YIKES.....


----------



## unsure78

Wow!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> Yep! It seems I have acquired a stalker. I never met this women, only talked on the phone. She saw pics online of me at a meet and greet with women present and has lost her mind. She is on the dating site trashing me in the chat forums and sending me endless texts.
> Maybe I messed up. I was not aware that talking on the phone constituted a committed relationship. I was also unaware that going to a public gathering with both sexes present was a no no.
> 
> I guess you live and you learn.


Relax, I've been through this before and I got you covered. 

The thing you have to do here is destroy the fantasy of you in her mind, and make her like she's better than you and can do better than you. I would go with crying.

Call her up crying about your life, your broken dreams, etc etc. Really bring out the tears and beat yourself up over not being good enough. She will drop you quick and never want to stalk you or trash you again. 

OR, just wait it out. You see I've been through this several times with internet stalkers and they like to use "friends" like co conspirators and then trash them as well. So if you can stick around they will usually burn bridges on their own.

Female stalkers don't like to play the hero and will use any good contact they get to build a fantasy of the perfect relationship, and turn any perceived abandonment into trashing you out of betrayal. Why face the truth when you supplement your own, right?

My best advice to you about online dating is to not stick with any site for longer than a year. If you can't find anyone by then, GET OUT. Because the profiles that have been there the longest are people who cannot make it work in real life and keep coming back for more. And your stalker friend is no doubtdly one of those people.


----------



## survivorwife

I can now, officially, join this club. My "Independence Day" was June 18th and I am now SINGLE!! :smthumbup:

So I have a few questions. I joined a couple of dating sites with my pic and a profile. I search through the pictures, and send messages to men I would be interested in getting to know better. I am also searched as well, but so far, no responses. 

So, my questions are these. Is this normal? Do most men on these sites simple not respond at all? If a man is on line, I send a quick chat message "hi" and he ignores me, should I take this personally? I am a slim, "mature" woman with several recent pictures, so I am looking for someone no more than 5 years my senior or more than 10 years my junior. Am I being impatient? 

Help me out here guys. What sort of responses get your attention in that you feel you *want to* reply to? Which ones do you ignore and why?

This online dating thing is new to me and I really want to make contact with a nice guy and see where it goes. No pressure. I do not intend to get married again, just have fun dating, flirting, and building a relationship.

Any advise is welcome. I was married 28 years, so I am really out of the loop.


----------



## hope4family

survivorwife said:


> I can now, officially, join this club. My "Independence Day" was June 18th and I am now SINGLE!! :smthumbup:
> 
> So I have a few questions. I joined a couple of dating sites with my pic and a profile. I search through the pictures, and send messages to men I would be interested in getting to know better. I am also searched as well, but so far, no responses.
> 
> So, my questions are these. Is this normal? Do most men on these sites simple not respond at all? If a man is on line, I send a quick chat message "hi" and he ignores me, should I take this personally? I am a slim, "mature" woman with several recent pictures, so I am looking for someone no more than 5 years my senior or more than 10 years my junior. Am I being impatient?
> 
> Help me out here guys. What sort of responses get your attention in that you feel you *want to* reply to? Which ones do you ignore and why?
> 
> This online dating thing is new to me and I really want to make contact with a nice guy and see where it goes. *No pressure. I do not intend to get married again, just have fun dating, flirting, and building a relationship.*
> 
> Any advise is welcome. I was married 28 years, so I am really out of the loop.


What kind of men are you targeting when you say "hello"? Does your profile say you aren't looking to get married again? Does it say you want a long term relationship? 

As a man who wants something more "to have fun" I would be turned off by a girl who would say "just wants to have fun." Not saying I wouldn't be willing to give her a chance. 

I just know that I have to respect that boundary. So don't expect me to turn off the dating site.


----------



## survivorwife

hope4family said:


> What kind of men are you targeting when you say "hello"? Does your profile say you aren't looking to get married again? Does it say you want a long term relationship?
> 
> As a man who wants something more "to have fun" I would be turned off by a girl who would say "just wants to have fun." Not saying I wouldn't be willing to give her a chance.
> 
> I just know that I have to respect that boundary. So don't expect me to turn off the dating site.


Thanks for your reply. I appreciate the questions you posed. My profile indicates that all "options" are open.

The men that I am interested in do not appear to be "players", but seem to be interested in dating a woman to see where things go. That's sort of what I am looking for (in reverse). I would enjoy chatting first, telephone next, meeting, then going from there if all goes well. Sometimes I'll send a message commenting on their pic (nice smile) or respond to their profile (I too have a son in college) or pointing out some potential common interest. Am I wrong to do that? Or am I picking the wrong men to comment to? (Is that a possibility?) I dunno.

As to players, I notice one man who seems to be on chat ALOT. When I sent him a message, he did not respond, so I assumed he was engrossed in another conversation so I moved on. Later, I noticed he spends ALOT of time in chat, and concluded that he either can't "seal the deal", was married and could not further the relationship or, for reasons unknown preferred only "chat" relationships with women. 

I also realize that it costs money (which I paid) to be able to send/receive message while some people have not done so and are unable to send/receive messages, so I'm trying to see if the (free?) chat service works as alternate communication, but without a response, I'm not sure just how to communicate otherwise.

I wish the site had a message board.


----------



## angelpixie

Hi SWife -- I've read that some people on sites will just send out multiple generic messages, hoping one will get a response. Generally, if I just see a message that looks like it could be one of those, I don't respond. If someone refers to something in my profile, then I know he's really interested in me, and not just 'generic female who meets my checklist.'  

And also from what I've experienced, read about, and heard from friends, you're not alone in not getting responses to your messages. I think in that way, it's just like real life. You might find that you're attracted to someone at a party or a club, you try to catch his eye, maybe he responds, maybe he doesn't. Sending messages or winks or whatever is just the online equivalent of party small talk. Sometimes it just doesn't go anywhere. 

I'm really putting less and less stock in online dating, at least where I live. I've only been out a few times, but for each time, the online match looked really good, e-communication was good, only to have the real life meet-up be OK at best. I've spoken to other women here who feel the same way. Other people here on TAM seem to have much better results. 

And good point on the pay sites and communication. How many sites should you pay for in order to get the best chances? That really adds up! Most people look at the free sites as just people looking for hook-ups, but I know that at least where I live, the payscale just doesn't allow most people to drop a lot of money on sites -- especially if you want to actually have money left over for a real life date, lol. So I wouldn't _automatically_ dismiss someone just because he wasn't on a pay site.

And then, sigh, there's just good old demographics. Depending on your age, interests, etc., the dating pool might not be very well-stocked, lol.


----------



## survivorwife

Thanks angelpixie! Nice to know I'm not the only one who has experienced being ignored. One thing I have really tried to control/censure is my sense of humor which may not play well in writing to strangers.

From Fatal Attraction: "I don't LIKE to be ignored DAN (or whatever name applies)!" Probably should not respond to the non-replies with that one.:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Hahaha, probably not -- might sound too much like Muskrat's 'girlfriend' :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

survivorwife said:


> I can now, officially, join this club. My "Independence Day" was June 18th and I am now SINGLE!! :smthumbup:
> 
> So I have a few questions. I joined a couple of dating sites with my pic and a profile. I search through the pictures, and send messages to men I would be interested in getting to know better. I am also searched as well, but so far, no responses.
> 
> So, my questions are these. Is this normal? Do most men on these sites simple not respond at all? If a man is on line, I send a quick chat message "hi" and he ignores me, should I take this personally? I am a slim, "mature" woman with several recent pictures, so I am looking for someone no more than 5 years my senior or more than 10 years my junior. Am I being impatient?
> 
> Help me out here guys. What sort of responses get your attention in that you feel you *want to* reply to? Which ones do you ignore and why?
> 
> This online dating thing is new to me and I really want to make contact with a nice guy and see where it goes. No pressure. I do not intend to get married again, just have fun dating, flirting, and building a relationship.
> 
> Any advise is welcome. I was married 28 years, so I am really out of the loop.


Can we see this dating profile? Just copy and paste your "about me" and let us see for ourselves. It's one thing to hear speculation on what other people think of you, but it's another to see what you've written yourself.


----------



## Unique Username

Hello everyone. Just discovered this website. Wish I had found you all 8 years ago.....life could have been easier to have others with which to commiserate.

to the divorcee who is finally legal and excited about the online dating sites.....I have some helpful advice.

Only choose one pay site at a time. (I'll give you some suggestions about how to manage these as well a bit later)

POF is free...and the old adage of you get what you pay for is certainly true. Lots of trolls, players, sharks and frogs. So, you are going to do a lot of weeding before finding the "fruit" of your desires from any sight.

First, for what are you actually looking? Be honest with yourself when answering this question....and you arrange your profile to reflect who you are and what you want. (Or you could just make up who you want people to _think_ you are and adjust accordingly...but remember you reap what you sew)


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I'm currently on Match, ******* (free), and POF(free). Zoosk is a waste of time and $, filled with old profiles and even fake profiles. Don't bother with it.

I've met women from all 3 sites, but I will say that the ladies on Match are better "quality", if that makes sense. The response rate is better, which is understandable because they are paying for the site. They're serious.

From a man's perspective, if I get a wink or message from a woman that I'm not physically attracted to, I ignore it. Admit it people, the very first thing you do is check out their pics. If there's no attraction, then it's a no go. If their appearance is OK, then it's profile-reading time.

I think that the ladies on these dating sites have a lot more slop to filter through. They get inundated with messages from all sorts of guys. Us guys, on the other hand, are thrilled when we see a message in our inbox. LOL

And like some of the above posters have said...beware the crazies. Us TAMer's should be able to spot them a mile away.


----------



## CEL

ThreeStrikes said:


> I'm currently on Match, ******* (free), and POF(free). Zoosk is a waste of time and $, filled with old profiles and even fake profiles. Don't bother with it.
> 
> I've met women from all 3 sites, but I will say that the ladies on Match are better "quality", if that makes sense. The response rate is better, which is understandable because they are paying for the site. They're serious.
> 
> From a man's perspective, if I get a wink or message from a woman that I'm not physically attracted to, I ignore it. Admit it people, the very first thing you do is check out their pics. If there's no attraction, then it's a no go. If their appearance is OK, then it's profile-reading time.
> 
> I think that the ladies on these dating sites have a lot more slop to filter through. They get inundated with messages from all sorts of guys. Us guys, on the other hand, are thrilled when we see a message in our inbox. LOL
> 
> And like some of the above posters have said...beware the crazies. Us TAMer's should be able to spot them a mile away.



I wanted to add onto this your profile pic is going to be your lure so you want it to be good. SW I would recommend sending you pic along with some other to a few guys here who you trust and have the rate them 1 to however many pics. Many times what we think is a great photo is really not or even what we think is a great look is not. Hell I would have a top know with my face tattooed if I could be everyone keeps telling me no...
I would also look at your interests you want to keep away from religion, politics and excessive talk of kids this applies unless they really are your MAIN focus. If you are religious is it a deal breaker if they do not share it? If politic is it a deal breaker? If you have kids it is a given that you love them and care about them by putting it in your profile to excess it shows that you may be looking at someone who may have to deal with being WAY down on the priority list. 

When going with your hobbies or activities stay away from tv shows you watch or that you like to just stay at home and be together. People will be able to get that when you start talking seeing it indicates a person who does this MOST of the time instead of doing this when other more interesting things are available. Keep your profile light and fun I would let a few guys here look at it so that you could get there feedback on ways to make it shine. I am not advocating lying or deceiving but we wear nice clothes on our first dates for a reason a spiffy profile is like wearing your best for your first date.


----------



## arked

I have been single for almost 10 months still waiting for a divorce with little luck due to STBXW making financial demands. I met a super nice lady a month ago who I enjoyed being around. STBXW found out about her and caused all kinds of problems. STBXW told my new friend she doesn't love me or want me but is not going to allow anyone else to have me. I had a terrible time finding the nerve to ask this new lady out. I had been dark on STBXW for months I do not know how she found out I had been out on a couple of dates this this lady. I was total honest with new lady about my divorce not being final. I guess STBXW listed all my sins to new lady and it was enough to scare her away. New lady told me she enjoyed being with me but does not not want to deal with my crazy STBXY ever. I do not know what to do now. Any thoughts advise.


----------



## muskrat

Ladies you are not alone with the whole message thing with online dating. I never get any responses to my messages either (maybe I have bad pics?). The 1 response I did get turned into a crazy stalker and I never even met her. Meet and greets are the way to go!!
I went to 1 and have been on dates with every women that was there that some what interested me. The last 1 told me she wouldn't have responded to my profile either (she didn't think we would mesh based on the profile). However after meeting me, she asked me out. We have formed a great friendship, not sure if anything more will come of it (we both have our baggage from the past).


----------



## angelpixie

What kinds of meet & greets are these, MR? Are they organized through your church, or Meetup.com or what? We do have meetup here, but only 4-5 groups. I've been to a couple things with the 'general' group (i.e., not specific to a hobby or interest), and it seems like a few of the people have formed friendships and done things apart from the group (not dating, but women becoming friends). We don't have a Parents Without Partners chapter here, and I'm not finding other opportunities.


----------



## muskrat

The 1 I went to was from a free dating site. It was a group of people who get together a couple of times a year for a camping weekend. I was nervous because it did seem like most everyone already knew each other and had formed bonds, but it wasn't to far from home so I signed up and went anyhow. Everyone there was very welcoming and I had the time of my life. I met a ton of great people. I think I found a new hunting friend who lives near buy and I also ended up with a few dates.
Of course there was the downside of pics from the event being posted and a lady I had chatted with saw. I still can't believe her reaction to seeing me sitting around a campfire with other women (and men). I am glad it happened before I actually met her!!!!!
At any rate, I made some nice new friends there. I have had regular communication with 8-10 people from that weekend since then (both men and women). I also have been on dates with the 3 women who were there and in my age group. I don't think I have a future with any of them as far as a relationship goes. I talked about that with 2 of them so far and they agreed and also expressed interest in a platonic friendship.

So AP, just look around and look for a group function you may enjoy and go! You never know who you may meet and I bet you make some great new friends.
By the way, this is the sort of thing I would have NEVER of done before. I was always shy and a bit of an introvert. I forced myself to get out and try new things and meet new people.


----------



## angelpixie

Saw this article today, and I thought I'd throw it out here as food for thought.

I Turned 40 And Everything About My Dating Life Changed | xoJane


----------



## survivorwife

angelpixie said:


> Saw this article today, and I thought I'd throw it out here as food for thought.
> 
> I Turned 40 And Everything About My Dating Life Changed | xoJane


Interesting Article!

I was also browsing that website and found several interesting articles, so thanks for the link!


----------



## hope4family

Get a 404 error on that last link minimal


----------



## minimalME

Let's try this:

http://markmanson.net/archive

It's todays article (July 8th), with subtitle:

Question: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?


----------



## angelpixie

Good article, MMe, thanks!


----------



## HeartbrokenW

My divorce was final 4 1/2 months ago. I have a D13 and S30. I just feel awkward about just trying to 'meet' anyone. I have been concentrating on work and our house. I've been busily repainting.. turning this into my house.. scrubbing out reminders, making changes where I can. Rearranging furniture. Small things that I can do by myself. Its amazing what I woman can do by herself if she puts her mind do it. Replacing filler valve in a toilet. Installing new thermostat. Hiring someone to install a new pump in the well. I'm so busy with trying to fix things around here and working fulltime, that I keep pushing "trying to find" someone further and further off the map. 

Maybe I'm not ready yet. Maybe I think I'm too old (49). The thought of mixing households and finances with someone again terrifies me. I'd love to have someone to love, who would love me like I deserve, but the "whole package" terrifies me. I don't really go anywhere that I'd meet anyone anyway. Work and home is usually it.


----------



## minimalME

HeartbrokenW said:


> Maybe I'm not ready yet. Maybe I think I'm too old (49). The thought of mixing households and finances with someone again terrifies me. I'd love to have someone to love, who would love me like I deserve, but the "whole package" terrifies me. I don't really go anywhere that I'd meet anyone anyway. Work and home is usually it.


I can definitely identify with what you've written. I'm 46 and an introvert, and it's been quite a challenge to meet people. I would also enjoy having someone to love and do things with and wake up beside, but I know that I never want to go through another divorce.

For me, dating has been completely different than when I was in high school and college. 

I've decided that I won't remarry until my youngest is at university, which is only a few years away. So that makes sharing a household a little neater. And I agree that the thought of mixing money again is terrifying.

Slow is always good.









And it's been really important for me to learn how to give myself the love/attention/things that in the past I've unrealistically expected from others. And instead of focusing on the faults of those around me, I'm practicing subtle skills that help me to be more whole - like listening and being available to my children and the people who're already in my life.


----------



## Pbartender

Here's another interesting -- and somewhat related -- article that someone shared with me the other day...

The Danger in Demonizing Male Sexuality


----------



## hope4family

minimalME said:


> Let's try this:
> 
> Archive - Mark Manson
> 
> It's todays article (July 8th), with subtitle:
> 
> Question: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?


Dude, i'm blind, it's not there.


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> Dude, i'm blind, it's not there.


Here's the article


----------



## minimalME

hope4family said:


> Dude, i'm blind, it's not there.


This site wouldn't let me link it because of the main title - so I was trying to be subtle: F!ck yes or no. It's yesterday's article.


----------



## angelpixie

I've changed my views of what a relationship might mean at this age. I will NOT blend finances. I lost 1/2 my retirement in the D, and I didn't have much in it to begin with. My finances are mine. I own my own home and car. I don't think I need to blend things to have a relationship. I have no desire to remarry, but it would be nice to have a companion and lover. Not sure if or when that will happen. I know a few people who have exclusive relationships, but keep their own homes due to having kids or because they enjoy their independence. They are very happy. That's not for everyone, but I could see myself in a relationship like that. 

I know that, ultimately, I control whether I'm happy or not. If I'm not a whole person first, I won't be a good partner. I'm looking for the same in a guy. 

From a theoretical standpoint, I know it's possible. It's just a matter of seeing if I can get 'real world' data.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> I've changed my views of what a relationship might mean at this age. I will NOT blend finances. I lost 1/2 my retirement in the D, and I didn't have much in it to begin with. My finances are mine. I own my own home and car. I don't think I need to blend things to have a relationship. I have no desire to remarry, but it would be nice to have a companion and lover. Not sure if or when that will happen. I know a few people who have exclusive relationships, but keep their own homes due to having kids or because they enjoy their independence. They are very happy. That's not for everyone, but I could see myself in a relationship like that.
> 
> I know that, ultimately, I control whether I'm happy or not. If I'm not a whole person first, I won't be a good partner. I'm looking for the same in a guy.
> 
> From a theoretical standpoint, I know it's possible. It's just a matter of seeing if I can get 'real world' data.


I'm at the end of twenty something still. But I got to admit, the idea of blending finances, and losing what I have all over again is terrifying at ANY AGE. 

In many ways, I got lucky. I didn't put anything into a retirement account. Didn't put her name on my pre-marital car. Wasn't married long enough for alimony. Dealing with the reality that I married a jerk was harmful enough.

That being said, I still feel so old, yet so very young. I want to remarry. But really don't know what the next step is. So I have been building a social circle and trying to make new friends. 

It's hard because in so many ways I have had to hit the big read reboot button. But the adventure itself has been fun thus far.


----------



## hope4family

minimalME said:


> This site wouldn't let me link it because of the main title - so I was trying to be subtle: F!ck yes or no. It's yesterday's article.


Ha, i'm a nerd. Thanks.


----------



## minimalME

Pbartender said:


> Here's another interesting -- and somewhat related -- article that someone shared with me the other day...
> 
> The Danger in Demonizing Male Sexuality


Although I appreciated this article, and I don't see myself as demonizing men's sexuality (I'm actually fascinated by it), the men in my life have, for the most part, been predators. The one exception was my ex-husband.

Starting at a very young age, different men in my family crossed the line. And what I learned from that sort of attention was that sex was synonymous with love, and if I wanted to be loved, offer sex. 

Intellectually, I know better now, but it's so a part of who I am that I really have to be aware all the time about who I'm interacting with and why. 

My current boundaries are probably a little stricter than others because they just don't come naturally to me. And I figure there's always room to relax or be flexible with 'rules' _later_. But it takes time for the intentions and motives of men to come out.

It's been a dating frustration to me that men want automatic trust - it's unreasonable, and my 'man picker' is still way off. With each date, I get stronger and more attuned to what I need and want, but I've yet to experience a man whose actions and words match up.

And what's even more frustrating is when I discuss this with male friends, they'll justify the fact that men knowingly hide what they want from a woman. As one friend said, 'Women would never go out with us if we told them the truth.'


----------



## hope4family

minimalME said:


> Although I appreciated this article, and I don't see myself as demonizing men's sexuality (I'm actually fascinated by it), the men in my life have, for the most part, been predators. The one exception was my ex-husband.
> 
> Starting at a very young age, different men in my family crossed the line. And what I learned from that sort of attention was that sex is synonymous with love, and if I wanted to be loved, offer sex.
> 
> Intellectually, I know better now, but it's so a part of who I am that I really have to be aware all the time about who I'm interacting with and why.
> 
> My current boundaries are probably a little stricter than others because they just don't come naturally to me. And I figure there's always room to relax or be flexible with 'rules' _later_. But it takes time for the intentions and motives of men to come out.
> 
> It's been a dating frustration to me that men want automatic trust - it's unreasonable, and my 'man picker' is still way off. With each date, I get stronger and more attuned to what I need and want, but I've yet to experience a man who's actions and words match up.
> 
> And what's even more frustrating is when I discuss this with male friends, they'll justify the fact that men knowingly hide what they want from a woman. As one friend said, *'Women would never go out with us if we told them the truth.'*


That's true. 

Granted, I tell my female friends the truth about men all the time. Never won me any dates. But I can say they trust me. 

Excuse me, while I say *ouch* for being friend zoned 5-6x. The past few months. That's life though. 

If you "desire/lust/want/need" a man you can "trust" then my thought is you are either in extreme minority or a liar. Because the first "guy friend" of yours who is attractive, single, and simply always tells you how it is. Better be your next relationship shot. 

But he will possibly just be boring, unattractive, non-mysterious, and too beta. In other words, i'll use the meme to describe how a "honest truthful guy" feels about the odds of you being real. 










On a side note. I do not think you are a liar because you are here and your experience might have taught you something. But I have called women out in the past for saying its what they want. When their actions are polar opposite.


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## minimalME

hope4family said:


> On a side note. I do not think you are a liar because you are here and your experience might have taught you something. But I have called women out in the past for saying its what they want. When their actions are polar opposite.


When I say I want the truth, I'm not asking for every single thought. None of us are ever 100% accurate with others or ourselves about what we do and why.

But it's just flat out wrong to ask for a committed, monogamous relationship if you just want consistent sex.









Even with my past, I've held onto a very naive hope that expected men to look out for me. I know now that's my responsibility.


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## hope4family

I see I confused what you meant. 

Are you talking about men using you. Saying they want commitment when all they want is sex? 

I am guilty of saying if I wanted you for your friendship, I would have stayed just your friend. But, I married you, because your my friend, and I wanted sex. 

To elaborate that. I am not a "one night stand" type person. I also have female friends. If I get into a serious relationship with someone, they are already my friend. If I get married to someone, isn't sex supposed to be a steady part of that attraction somewhere? Do I have it backwards?


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## minimalME

Right. I used to see men that way - 'using me'. That way I could blame and feel like a victim.

Now I know the part I play, and that it's up to me - not them - to establish if the connection is genuine or not. 

Of course, there's no certainty, but it puts me in control rather than placing that burden on someone else.

I'm also not a ONS person or FWB or any type of arrangement that pretends no one will get emotionally attached from ongoing sex. I also have plenty of male friends, but I haven't had physical relationships with any of them, and I'm not sexually attracted to any of them.

Perhaps it's different for you?


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## hope4family

As a man physical attraction I think comes easier then for women who need emotional connection and spark first. 

Not to be holier then thou. But I am a Christian. ONS and FWB are possible, but the likelihood of me engaging in that behavior right now. Is not realistic. I am also majority custodian of my DS2. So, I don't really invite women over alone. 

That being said, I am making as many female friends as I can. No longer caring about dating for now. That's not to say that I am not attracted to anyone. 

I would say, that for a men, fighting sexual attraction is hard. It comes hand in hand with emotional connection. But since women, and men love to tell me about their problems (why i'll never know) this eliminates a lot of the female friends from being long term material. 

That being said. There is 1 particular. Ok 2, that I am not quite completely friend zoned in. I want to keep it that way. I'm definitely in a take everything slow mode.


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## HeartbrokenW

angelpixie said:


> My finances are mine. I own my own home and car. I don't think I need to blend things to have a relationship. I have no desire to remarry, but it would be nice to have a companion and lover


Bingo! This is exactly it. I own my own house and am in no hurry to give up my independence. Is this the 'FWB' I've been hearing about? I would like to care about someone, and have them care about me, I miss intimacy, but frankly I'm scared to become so intermingled with another man again. I don't want to pick up his underwear and clean his beard out of the sink.


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## angelpixie

HeartbrokenW said:


> Bingo! This is exactly it. I own my own house and am in no hurry to give up my independence. Is this the 'FWB' I've been hearing about? I would like to care about someone, and have them care about me, I miss intimacy, but frankly I'm scared to become so intermingled with another man again. I don't want to pick up his underwear and *clean his beard out of the sink*.


This made me :rofl: I loved that Ex had a beard, thought it was very sexy on him. But, jeepers, dude -- clean up the damned hair when you trim it over the bathroom sink/counter!! It would drive me crazy!!


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## hope4family

As a man with a beard. I have had to develop tricks to trimming the beard and being able to clean up easily.


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## Awakening2012

HeartbrokenW said:


> Is this the 'FWB' I've been hearing about? I would like to care about someone, and have them care about me, I miss intimacy, but frankly I'm scared to become so intermingled with another man again.


To me the idea would be to develop a stable, healthy, loving, exclusive LTR -- which to me is more than FWB. FWB to me implies casual, no committment, and OK for each to date others. Agree on not re-marrying, living together or co-mingling resources -- but hey, if it works out maybe they can move next door - LOL!


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## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> As a man with a beard. I have had to develop tricks to trimming the beard and being able to clean up easily.


Bless you.


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## angelpixie

Awakening2012 said:


> To me the idea would be to develop a stable, healthy, loving, exclusive LTR -- which to me is more than FWB. FWB to me implies casual, no committment, and OK for each to date others. Agree on not re-marrying, living together or co-mingling resources -- but hey, if it works out maybe they can move next door - LOL!


I've got it -- Two adjoining townhomes! Each person still owns his/her own home, each person is close by to the other so you don't have to spend a lot of time or gas getting back and forth to each others' places, townhomes are often laid out the same, so neither person has a better place (preventing one partner 'hosting' more often than the other partner), and there's the 'safety valve' of being able to go back to your own house when you want. 

It's perfect, don't you think? And sooooo romantic!  :rofl:


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## Unique Username

One thing I was surprised to learn from dating after divorce.....so many men are not over their philandering spouse, they think all women are probable cheaters and they have long lists of woes.

Despite KNOWING you aren't supposed to go in depth about how your previous relationship ended and still doing it ON THE FIRST DATE. (of course at some point you should discuss these things but previous relationships really have no place in a first date) 
TMI is a big turn-off....but then again I like that spilled because I know you aren't over your spouse so I'm going to be judged and compared to your ex spouse more than I care to be and I can say hey thanks for the coffee buh-bye! 

AND I was really surprised by the shear number of BatSh!t Crazy MEN. HA, I thought there were more crazy women...Crazy is an equal opportunity supplier.

I have found that a good portion of men aren't looking for any kind of relationship, just a FWB booty call....and this is on EVERY site but even moreso on the free sites such as POF. They will disguise themselves as wanting a LTR when in reality they are simply lookin for a hook-up and they will often target women who are overly revealing of vulnerability in their profiles. Predators know how to spot victims. (Male and female on this one) how to reel them in. 
Need to get a tough skin, and learn what you want out of a relationship and then narrow down that dating pool to those that will fit in.

COOL things about dating after divorce:

Knowing your deal breakers and spotting them quickly

Best to know what you want, but at least knowing what you DON'T want can help in weeding through the weeds

YOU can decide if you wanna put up with certain behaviors. you CHOOSE with whom to go out. 

You don't have to even bother with people that have physical, mental, financial issues.........Yeah Yeah I know don't judge a book by it's cover, don't discriminate etc well let me tell you why in the world if you KNOW up front that this person has these ongoing issues that are unacceptable, unpleasant, unhealthy,unwanted would you CHOOSE it.......(not the same as when in a committed relationship someone gets sick or mentally ill..you are already invested and you help them through the tough times..until it is better or you can't...life is a roller coaster)

You get to imagine what life is like with this person and if this is something you are even interested in.....fun to meet and see how different and how similar people are....

Best post divorce advice: Concentrate on making YOU the best person you can be and if a parent the best parent you are capable of being. When and if you do meet someone, make them friends first before complicating things with sex (and of course if you want a LTR then no sex until monogamy) 
if ya wanna fool around and sow oats ya never got to before marriage.....well be careful use a condom and protect your heart...you may be surprised that sex isn't just sex and you might have been better off thinking more before...and be smart don't introduce these people to your children......that's long off after you have decided to be monogamous and are looking towards a LTR.

Date to experience connections/interactions with another adult human....do it for fun and don't have any expectations other than a good time meeting them and doing a fun activity. Watch out for quick requests for more photos and talk of sex...flirting shouldn't be explicit....unless you are looking to just hook-up then go for it with a condom your life.

Be respectful and honest and don't lead anyone on....if you aren't really interested say so and soon, if all you want is sex says so and soon and be honest with yourself about what you really want as opposed to what you are settling for...don't settle.

Don't have unrealistic expectations.....it is OK, really it is, to realize that your must haves have changed since you've gone through this divorce debacle....Be open to dating a different "type" than you thought you wanted long ago. 

Don't make excuses for a Dates bad behavior....it is just a date...they are showing you and telling you who they are....read between the lines, use your instincts when you think something is off it IS off...so you had a drink and some conversation in a neutral public place in the daytime...no harm no foul end it quickly as you have previous engagements and make a mental note to help you for future dates in your search for whatever it is you want

AND last but not least, Never say Never...Life is a Roller Coaster


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## minimalME

:iagree: Awesomeness!



Unique Username said:


> I have found that a good portion of men aren't looking for any kind of relationship, just a FWB booty call....and this is on EVERY site but even moreso on the free sites such as POF. They will disguise themselves as wanting a LTR when in reality they are simply lookin for a hook-up and they will often target women who are overly revealing of vulnerability in their profiles. Predators know how to spot victims. (Male and female on this one) how to reel them in.
> Need to get a tough skin, and learn what you want out of a relationship and then narrow down that dating pool to those that will fit in.


^ I've found this to be so true and had to learn not to overshare. Quite guilty of that.


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## vi_bride04

Unique Username said:


> I have found that a good portion of men aren't looking for any kind of relationship, just a FWB booty call....and this is on EVERY site *but even moreso on the free sites such as POF. They will disguise themselves as wanting a LTR when in reality they are simply lookin for a hook-up and they will often target women who are overly revealing of vulnerability in their profiles. *Predators know how to spot victims. (Male and female on this one) how to reel them in.
> Need to get a tough skin, and learn what you want out of a relationship and then narrow down that dating pool to those that will fit in.


This is what happens to my sister. She is on POF and gets guys like this all the time. She wants a LTR and the guys say they do too....want to date exclusively blah blah blah blah....so she sleeps with them only to never hear from them again.

Would help her if she had stronger boundaries and actually knew what she wanted in a partner....oh and not put out after the first few dates!


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## angelpixie

One that hits me is how the guy presents himself on the first date. Most people who have respect for others will try to put their best foot forward on a first date. Look nice, have good manners, want to meet someplace nice (and not even nice as in 'expensive' -- maybe just have coffee and take a walk in a beautiful park or something). 

If, however, on that first date, the person is dressed shabbily or is rude or wants to take you to a dive or ... you get the idea ... guess what? It is only going to go downhill from there. If _that_ is his personal 'best first impression' mode? Forget it.


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## minimalME

vi_bride04 said:


> This is what happens to my sister. She is on POF and gets guys like this all the time. She wants a LTR and the guys say they do too....want to date exclusively blah blah blah blah....so she sleeps with them only to never hear from them again.
> 
> Would help her if she had stronger boundaries and actually knew what she wanted in a partner....oh and not put out after the first few dates!


Did you both grow up in a dysfunctional family?

There's a reason _why_ she has poor boundaries, a reason _why_ she doesn't know what she wants from a partner, and a reason _why_ she offers sex so easily.

If she's open to your input, perhaps you could offer some helpful suggestions about ways to learn the skills she lacks?


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## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> If, however, on that first date, the person is dressed shabbily or is rude or wants to take you to a dive or ... you get the idea ... guess what? It is only going to go downhill from there. If _that_ is his personal 'best first impression' mode? Forget it.


Well, I would clarify that as a "first meet".

I will only consider dating after a successful first meet, which will be casual and involve drinks/coffee. She pays for her own.

There's no way I'm getting dressed to the nines and shelling out a bunch of dough for someone I may not even click with.

If there is a connection, then dating can commence :smthumbup:

Personally, I'm always impressive. I'm looking to get impressed.

That's the attitude you need with this on-line stuff.


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## ThreeStrikes

vi_bride04 said:


> This is what happens to my sister. She is on POF and gets guys like this all the time. She wants a LTR and the guys say they do too....want to date exclusively blah blah blah blah....so she sleeps with them only to never hear from them again.
> 
> Would help her if she had stronger boundaries and actually knew what she wanted in a partner....oh and not put out after the first few dates!


If she didn't put out after the first few dates, I'd leave anyways.

Part of connecting is sexual. A huge part of LTR involves sexual chemistry. The sooner you find that out, the better. It's entirely possible that your sister isn't sexually adequate, and that's why the guys bolt. If she was fantastic in bed, wouldn't they stick around?

Just sayin'

This is brutal reality, folks.


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> Well, I would clarify that as a "first meet".
> 
> I will only consider dating after a successful first meet, which will be casual and involve drinks/coffee. She pays for her own.
> 
> There's no way I'm getting dressed to the nines and shelling out a bunch of dough for someone I may not even click with.
> 
> If there is a connection, then dating can commence :smthumbup:
> 
> Personally, I'm always impressive. I'm looking to get impressed.
> 
> That's the attitude you need with this on-line stuff.


No, I don't consider a 'first meet' the same seriousness (for lack of a better term) as a 'first date'. I should have clarified that myself. But my point was that a first impression is a first impression, nonetheless. It's not about money spent at the time or who pays. I've paid for coffee on one first meet, and the guy paid for my drink on another one. Others we paid our own way or didn't buy anything. 

I agree with your 2nd-to-last line. That's the way I feel. I don't want someone to impress me with some act that they put on. I'm genuine, but I am genuinely respectful. And that includes my manners, and the way I dress. I want to be treated the same, or it's going to be impossible to recover from that.


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> If she didn't put out after the first few dates, I'd leave anyways.
> 
> Part of connecting is sexual. A huge part of LTR involves sexual chemistry. The sooner you find that out, the better. It's entirely possible that your sister isn't sexually adequate, and that's why the guys bolt. If she was fantastic in bed, wouldn't they stick around?
> 
> Just sayin'
> 
> This is brutal reality, folks.


Wow. It may take some of us more than a few dates before becoming intimate with someone. Maybe I should add a line in my profile stating that there's no guarantee of sex after the first few dates. Regardless of whether we have chemistry. Just so it weeds out those who won't settle for anything else. Saves us both time.


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## CEL

angelpixie said:


> Wow. It may take some of us more than a few dates before becoming intimate with someone. Maybe I should add a line in my profile stating that there's no guarantee of sex after the first few dates. Regardless of whether we have chemistry. Just so it weeds out those who won't settle for anything else. Saves us both time.



Ummm I'm with Angel on this one. I don't want sex the first few dates if she will do that with me how do I know she does not do that with every guy. I like to get to know someone and for me sex is a huge trust issue I HAVE to feel comfortable before we do more than fool around. Just saying I know some guys who have the same rules but that was never me. Sex is great in a committed relationship where you see it going somewhere I just can't do the sex without that. Some can some can't. I am the can't column.


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## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> Wow. It may take some of us more than a few dates before becoming intimate with someone. Maybe I should add a line in my profile stating that there's no guarantee of sex after the first few dates. Regardless of whether we have chemistry. Just so it weeds out those who won't settle for anything else. Saves us both time.


But, if you felt the sexual connection....would you still prolong it just because society says you should?


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## ThreeStrikes

Bare in mine (pun intended)....I'm not saying everything hinges on having sex after a few dates.

I just don't think you should rule it out because society has programmed you that way.


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## Unique Username

GLBTG dating isn't really the same as Heterosexual dating - and the age (what era they became sexually active, began dating, came out to family...CAN sorta dictate expectations etc) of the daters also kinda can determine what is expected.

I was thinking to myself that 3strikes is kind of an arse for expecting sex within a couple of dates, hope that I don't meet someone with his views.....then I looked at his profile and I understood....his lifestyle is a bit different from what we were speaking.


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## ThreeStrikes

Oh, I am definitely an ass 

But after 15 years of marriage to a cheating BPDer, I'm enjoying the single life.


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## angelpixie

I didn't say I ruled it out (and _everything_ is theoretical at this point, anyway -- I have huge doubts I will ever have sex again, lol) -- but it's not just what society has programmed. I'm with CEL -- it's a HUGE trust issue with me. After my divorce (and I've only ever been with my Ex), it will take a LOT before I can allow myself to be that vulnerable with someone. To think that he will be comparing me to recent conquests and rating my 'sexual adequacy' makes me want to join a nunnery, not become _more_ sexually active. Yikes!


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## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> Maybe I should add a line in my profile stating that there's no guarantee of sex after the first few dates. Regardless of whether we have chemistry. Just so it weeds out those who won't settle for anything else. Saves us both time.


"succulent wild woman" works better


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## Unique Username

ThreeStrikes said:


> Bare in mine (pun intended)....I'm not saying everything hinges on having sex after a few dates.
> 
> I just don't think you should rule it out because society has programmed you that way.



I think the key we were talking about is Exclusivity/Monogamy....if you both agree and want to then go for it.....


For me, it isn't societal constraints or programming, just simple observation that more relationships fail when they are based on the superficial...


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## CEL

ThreeStrikes said:


> Bare in mine (pun intended)....I'm not saying everything hinges on having sex after a few dates.
> 
> I just don't think you should rule it out because society has programmed you that way.



You bring up some interesting points but your argument hinges on the expectation that we are turning down sex because society has programmed us that way. Now lets just say that I am in no way shape or form a society clone, in fact that makes me smile. The reason I wait for sex is because I have abuse issues in my past, so for me the most important thing about sex is trust. Oh I can still get the girl off with my fingers and tongue but my manhood will not react in an environment where I don't feel cared about. In a very simple way I am physically incapable of cheating in a PA way. Just the way I am wired trust has to be there otherwise nothing happens.

Now you may say oh but what if a hot girl or two is all over you then you would sing a different tune. Nope I used to party pretty crazy with a bunch of people orgies, threesomes, bondage even non-medical cutting was pretty common back in those days. Still no manhood change without trust. 

For me I have realized that ANY relationship I have will be based on trust and honesty from that I can build a caring lovely relationship without that it is not worth my time. My heart is too precious to chance on relationships that do not have that at the core.


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> "succulent wild woman" works better



:rofl: And nobody will be verifying the truth of that statement unless I'm ready for them to. After that, all bets are off.


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## one_strange_otter

The double standard

Every guy dating online, whether they admit it or not, want to get laid asap. First date, first hello, whatever. 

But they rarely respect the girl that puts out on a first date.

however if you make the guy wait too long he'll find someone else.

It's like saying you want to someone to be both a lady and a wh*re at the same time. 

No one says it has to make sense.


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## Unique Username

ThreeStrikes said:


> Oh, I am definitely an ass
> 
> But after 15 years of marriage to a cheating BPDer, I'm enjoying the single life.


I get it and am happy that you are putting yourself out there...and enjoying yourself. Just be careful and protect yourself (mind and body)

And, I meant no disrespect in my opinions/observations. 

Heterosexual women and their dating is rather different from Gay men or even Lesbian relationships/dating. 

Frankly, the older you get the harder it is regardless of sexual orientation/preference.


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## ThreeStrikes

Unique Username said:


> I think the key we were talking about is Exclusivity/Monogamy....if you both agree and want to then go for it.....
> 
> 
> For me, it isn't societal constraints or programming, just simple observation that more relationships fail when they are based on the superficial...


But, if the sex is lousy the relationship in unlikely to even get started.

Hey, we're on TAM. We've all been through the sh!t. We all want our next LTR to be our last, right? And we aren't settling. We want it all, which includes a great sex life.

If you want to wait a dozen dates or so to find out if the sex will be good or not (assuming he stuck around that long), that's certainly your choice. It's a personal thing.

But, if you sleep with a guy, and it's fantastic for both of you, why would he leave? Wouldn't that only strengthen your bond?


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## angelpixie

It is interesting how online dating brings it all into much sharper focus, though, doesn't it? By looking at autobiographical profiles, and how you match up with someone on questionnaires, and a little written (or maybe spoken) communication, we're led to believe we know enough about someone that just finally meeting in person will be enough to be a pretty good indication of whether or not we're ready to sleep together. In non-online dating, it can take a whole lot longer to get to that same level of knowledge about someone, and I don't know that there's the same level of expectation. Maybe there is. But it seems that it's sped-up with online dating -- maybe because of that idea that we already know all we need to know about each other by the time we meet.


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## ThreeStrikes

Unique Username said:


> I get it and am happy that you are putting yourself out there...and enjoying yourself. Just be careful and protect yourself (mind and body)
> 
> And, I meant no disrespect in my opinions/observations.
> 
> Heterosexual women and their dating is rather different from Gay men or even Lesbian relationships/dating.
> 
> Frankly, the older you get the harder it is regardless of sexual orientation/preference.


I'm a heterosexual male. We like sex, btw.


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> But, if the sex is lousy the relationship in unlikely to even get started.
> 
> Hey, we're on TAM. We've all been through the sh!t. We all want our next LTR to be our last, right? And we aren't settling. We want it all, which includes a great sex life.
> 
> If you want to wait a dozen dates or so to find out if the sex will be good or not (assuming he stuck around that long), that's certainly your choice. It's a personal thing.
> 
> But, if you sleep with a guy, and it's fantastic for both of you, why would he leave? Wouldn't that only strengthen your bond?


When my ex and I were having our in-house separation, we had the best sex we'd had in years. More like when we were first together. Couldn't keep our hands off each other, and we were sneaking in quickies all the time. Did it improve the rest of our relationship? Um. Notice I refer to him as my Ex. So, no. 

It obviously takes more than good sex to make a good relationship.


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> I'm a heterosexual male. We like sex, btw.


Your profile says you're homosexual.


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## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> It is interesting how online dating brings it all into much sharper focus, though, doesn't it? By looking at autobiographical profiles, and how you match up with someone on questionnaires, and a little written (or maybe spoken) communication, we're led to believe we know enough about someone that just finally meeting in person will be enough to be a pretty good indication of whether or not we're ready to sleep together. In non-online dating, it can take a whole lot longer to get to that same level of knowledge about someone, and I don't know that there's the same level of expectation. Maybe there is. But it seems that it's sped-up with online dating -- maybe because of that idea that we already know all we need to know about each other by the time we meet.


It's why I don't read the profiles, except to check age, if she has kids, and possibly her career.

Pic first. Age, kids, career. Location (has to be within 20-30 miles).

The rest is BS, and they all start to sound the same.

You don't know jack until the first meet.

And I'm off to a first meet right now. 43 year old PhRN. Never been married. No kids. Meeting at a local bar on the patio for drinks.

See ya!


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## Unique Username

angelpixie said:


> Your profile says you're homosexual.


Hence why I wrote what I did.


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## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> Your profile says you're homosexual.


WTH! Is that the default option??? LMAOOOOOOOOO

It's corrected!

(no wonder the ladies never message me) LOL


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## CEL

angelpixie said:


> When my ex and I were having our in-house separation, we had the best sex we'd had in years. More like when we were first together. Couldn't keep our hands off each other, and we were sneaking in quickies all the time. Did it improve the rest of our relationship? Um. Notice I refer to him as my Ex. So, no.
> 
> It obviously takes more than good sex to make a good relationship.



For me sex is nice great even and definitely something I HAVE to have in a committed relationship but without the commitment it is just not worth it. Sex does not make a relationship but it does help a already good relationship.


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## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> When my ex and I were having our in-house separation, we had the best sex we'd had in years. More like when we were first together. Couldn't keep our hands off each other, and we were sneaking in quickies all the time. Did it improve the rest of our relationship? Um. Notice I refer to him as my Ex. So, no.
> 
> It obviously takes more than good sex to make a good relationship.


People, I'm not saying its all about sex. Just that sex is as important as the non-sexual aspects of the relationship. Society has programmed many gals to think it's dirty...especially as they get older.

Ok, I gotta go.


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## Unique Username

Bahahahahahaahaha thanks for the giggle lol


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> People, I'm not saying its all about sex. Just that sex is as important as the non-sexual aspects of the relationship. Society has programmed many gals to think it's dirty...especially as they get older.
> 
> Ok, I gotta go.


Oh, I'm over the 'sex is dirty' programming (I was married to a younger man -- that went against a lot of societal programming, too). I'm just protecting myself and my heart at this point.


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## CEL

angelpixie said:


> It is interesting how online dating brings it all into much sharper focus, though, doesn't it? By looking at autobiographical profiles, and how you match up with someone on questionnaires, and a little written (or maybe spoken) communication, we're led to believe we know enough about someone that just finally meeting in person will be enough to be a pretty good indication of whether or not we're ready to sleep together. In non-online dating, it can take a whole lot longer to get to that same level of knowledge about someone, and I don't know that there's the same level of expectation. Maybe there is. But it seems that it's sped-up with online dating -- maybe because of that idea that we already know all we need to know about each other by the time we meet.



It is because a lot of men go onto these sites looking for sex. Yes some want more but the immediate want that they need is sex. By the time guys hit these sites it can have been awhile so first they want to get sex then they want to see if the person is a good fit for a committment. :scratchhead: I don't really get that but like I said I am broken in that way so I probably won't get it. 

I think the disconnect come when you have women who have it flipped they want the commitment first then they want the sex so these two opposite priorities war in the two people. Well one is going to win or they both lose. So you have dates that go great for the guy. Or dates that go great for the girl. You have crappy dates because he pushes and she deflects. Occasionally they do have the same desire but it is more one has to give for the dating to continue.


----------



## CEL

ThreeStrikes said:


> People, I'm not saying its all about sex. Just that sex is as important as the non-sexual aspects of the relationship. Society has programmed many gals to think it's dirty...especially as they get older.
> 
> Ok, I gotta go.


We are not saying that sex is bad. Where we differ is on the time frame that is all.


----------



## Unique Username

ThreeStrikes said:


> People, I'm not saying its all about sex. Just that sex is as important as the non-sexual aspects of the relationship. Society has programmed many gals to think it's dirty...especially as they get older.
> 
> Ok, I gotta go.


Perhaps that is your perception...she won't put out as quickly as you like so she must be frigid and think it's dirty.

Not true....I thoroughly enjoy sex (even more fulfilling when it is making love) but I'm certainly not going to spread my legs for some guy that thinks he's all that and a bag o chips..... that doesn't respect or adore me...that hasn't taken the time to form a mutually exclusive relationship. 

Think about this.....after only a few dates would you let this person control your bank account? Nope, don't trust them enough right....so why would you trust them with sex. 
They could have diseases that they didn't disclose, you could get pregnant or make a baby with this person, they could be bat sh!t crazy......people can hide crazy for a little bit o time.....


To each his own


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Your profile says you're homosexual.


Ok now I'm lmfao
hahahaha

I have no rules whatsoever when it comes to having sex - if I want to f*ck someone on the first date then i will and if I don't I won't. There's no particular reason I would or wouldn't, it would be down to how I feel on the day and how many c*cktails I've thrown down my neck rah rah


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



minimalME said:


> Did you both grow up in a dysfunctional family?
> 
> There's a reason _why_ she has poor boundaries, a reason _why_ she doesn't know what she wants from a partner, and a reason _why_ she offers sex so easily.
> 
> If she's open to your input, perhaps you could offer some helpful suggestions about ways to learn the skills she lacks?


She got more dysfunction than I did. Actually her and my youngest sister did. My brother and I have issues too but not nearly the severity of those 2. 

My parents didn't get a divorce until I was 17. My sister on POF and the youngest were 9 & 7 at the time. And the real problems with my parents started about 2 years earlier. So while my brother and I grew up with a mostly stable 2 parent household, those two had to go through the drama of the divorce as well as my mom turning into an alcoholic. My dad always favored the POF sister (she does have pretty big daddy issues) That fostered major jealousy from my mom and other sister towards her. POF sis does try to use sex for love and usually sleeps with the guy on the first date as long as they say they want a serious relationship.

She has gotten alot better and yes, I do feel it is b/c I have been able to lay some words of advice onto her. It wasn't until after learning so much after my divorce that I could communicate things to her where she would accept what I was saying. Prior to me leaving my marriage she would disregard anything I had to say. So I'm sure I have learned better communication skills along my journey so far. Her bad POF experiences have dropped dramatically in the past 6 months. 

She still has alot of work to do on herself though and will never find a fullfilling relationship until she does. But she has been trying more lately which is encouraging. I'd like to think its b/c of my examples.....but maybe thats just my ego talking lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Ok now I'm lmfao
> hahahaha
> 
> I have no rules whatsoever when it comes to having sex - if I want to f*ck someone on the first date then i will and if I don't I won't. There's no particular reason I would or wouldn't, it would be down to how I feel on the day and how many c*cktails I've thrown down my neck rah rah


Same here....

Man this thread just took my mind and threw it in the gutter....sex sex sex sex sex sex 

Anyone got a teleporter to Mexico??? LOL


----------



## ThreeStrikes

OK, so we had the first meet.

We were supposed to meet @ 6:30. I pull in to the parking lot at 6:20. The place is packed. I call her and ask her if she's there already. She says "I just sent you a text". Ok....what's up. She says she's running late and will be there at 6:45.

Ok. Strike one...but anyways. I tell her to call me when she gets there.

I drive to the Dollar store and pick up some knick knacks. Get back to the place at 6:40. 6:50. 6:55. 7:00, ok I'm outta there. 

Strike 2.

As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, I get the call from her. She says "I'm here".

Ok.

So U-turn back into the place. There she is. I can see her standing outside her car. 

So I park and we meet yada yada. She's about 30-40 pounds heavier than her pics on Match. Seriously. 

Strike 3.

I really don't understand the false advertising. LOL. 

Otherwise, she was a smart and pleasant gal. Nurse practitioner in a psychiatric clinic. So we chatted about personality disorders and other crazies. Had a few Corona Lites.

But no physical attraction. 

And that, in a nutshell, is the slog of on-line dating. LOL


----------



## CEL

ThreeStrikes said:


> OK, so we had the first meet.
> 
> We were supposed to meet @ 6:30. I pull in to the parking lot at 6:20. The place is packed. I call her and ask her if she's there already. She says "I just sent you a text". Ok....what's up. She says she's running late and will be there at 6:45.
> 
> Ok. Strike one...but anyways. I tell her to call me when she gets there.
> 
> I drive to the Dollar store and pick up some knick knacks. Get back to the place at 6:40. 6:50. 6:55. 7:00, ok I'm outta there.
> 
> Strike 2.
> 
> As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, I get the call from her. She says "I'm here".
> 
> Ok.
> 
> So U-turn back into the place. There she is. I can see her standing outside her car.
> 
> So I park and we meet yada yada. She's about 30-40 pounds heavier than her pics on Match. Seriously.
> 
> Strike 3.
> 
> I really don't understand the false advertising. LOL.
> 
> Otherwise, she was a smart and pleasant gal. Nurse practitioner in a psychiatric clinic. So we chatted about personality disorders and other crazies. Had a few Corona Lites.
> 
> But no physical attraction.
> 
> And that, in a nutshell, is the slog of on-line dating. LOL



Okay you go me I laughed.


----------



## CEL

So when you say 30 or 40 pounds I take it that you prefer a more slim form? Not judging just asking I like a more full figured women myself so I am always curious about what others prefer.:smthumbup:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

CEL said:


> So when you say 30 or 40 pounds I take it that you prefer a more slim form? Not judging just asking I like a more full figured women myself so I am always curious about what others prefer.:smthumbup:


She categorized her body type as athletic and toned LOL.

Ummm...maybe a few years ago.

And her pics were clearly not recent.

Yeah, I'm a shallow a$$hole LMAO.

But, it reinforces my new policy of asking for a cheesy, on-the-spot mirror pic before a first meet. Heh.

The conversation was good. But, with no physical attraction...:sleeping:

I'm a health and fitness guy, and I'm looking for someone similar.


----------



## CEL

ThreeStrikes said:


> She categorized her body type as athletic and toned LOL.
> 
> Ummm...maybe a few years ago.
> 
> And her pics were clearly not recent.
> 
> Yeah, I'm a shallow a$$hole LMAO.
> 
> But, it reinforces my new policy of asking for a cheesy, on-the-spot mirror pic before a first meet. Heh.
> 
> The conversation was good. But, with no physical attraction...:sleeping:
> 
> I'm a health and fitness guy, and I'm looking for someone similar.


Brother I ain't judging the reason God made women in so many delicous ways is because different people like different flavors. It is not shallow to know your type and go after it. I am all about that for people deserve to be able to chose. Me personally it is all about the good feeling you get when you see them maybe not physical attraction but just a good feeling like this person is a some how good. Once a girl has that I am hooked. I do like a full figured women better they seem to have less of the b*tch mode and personally I find them more attractive. I am a fitness guy as well and tho I like looking at the gym/pool/climbing wall that is all that I want they just don't have that sparkle they look good and they are sexy but I need something else something that will be there when the hour of sex is done. Something to while the days away at home. Good conversation a generous spirit and fun personality trump the good body for me.

After all love blooms in the garden of good conversation  But hey that is me I got a ton of friends that go for the whole OMG look at that "add body part" just not me. No way is right or wrong just different flavors.


----------



## Unique Username

I hate cheesy on the spot mirror pics.....lol


----------



## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> But, it reinforces my new policy of asking for a cheesy, on-the-spot mirror pic before a first meet. Heh.


Oh, hellz no. I always make sure I have at least a couple pics that are within the previous 6 mos, others that are there to give an idea of who I am might be older, but the ones that are recent are dated to see that this is what I look like now. If that's not enough to let you know if you want to meet _me_ to get to know _me_, then buh-bye. *Sends profile to the Not Interested list*

And just so that you don't think looks or honesty about representing the way one looks doesn't matter to me, I will not date someone who has no pics of himself on his profile. If I have to swallow my fear of ridicule (and as someone who was bullied and made fun of for the way she looked for years in school, and was demeaned by my ex, that is considerable), then I figure a guy should be able to do that, too. If he can't make himself do that, then he might have issues that are too big for me to want to get involved with, or if he thinks he doesn't need to, and his profile should be all he needs, well, no. 
And only one of the guys I went out with used a photo that was more recent than 5 years old. Others were older, or not really him (!). The one who did show a recent pic of himself was wearing a hat, sunglasses and making a silly face. We actually went out twice. But we didn't click. 

So I do understand your frustration at non-representative pics, but I wouldn't stoop to asking for a mirror pic. Besides, the photo quality usually sucks! How does that help you?


----------



## CEL

angelpixie said:


> Oh, hellz no. I always make sure I have at least a couple pics that are within the previous 6 mos, others that are there to give an idea of who I am might be older, but the ones that are recent are dated to see that this is what I look like now. If that's not enough to let you know if you want to meet _me_ to get to know _me_, then buh-bye. *Sends profile to the Not Interested list*
> 
> And just so that you don't think looks or honesty about representing the way one looks doesn't matter to me, I will not date someone who has no pics of himself on his profile. If I have to swallow my fear of ridicule (and as someone who was bullied and made fun of for the way she looked for years in school, and was demeaned by my ex, that is considerable), then I figure a guy should be able to do that, too. If he can't make himself do that, then he might have issues that are too big for me to want to get involved with, or if he thinks he doesn't need to, and his profile should be all he needs, well, no.
> And only one of the guys I went out with used a photo that was more recent than 5 years old. Others were older, or not really him (!). The one who did show a recent pic of himself was wearing a hat, sunglasses and making a silly face. We actually went out twice. But we didn't click.
> 
> So I do understand your frustration at non-representative pics, but I wouldn't stoop to asking for a mirror pic. Besides, the photo quality usually sucks! How does that help you?


Funniest post TODAY. You Angel win the prize "now where did I put that thing".....


----------



## PBear

You guys got room in the pool for one more? My GF/SO of 2.5 years just left my place for the second last time; I imagine she's got one more trip to pick up her stuff. I'm ok with it, I think. Or will be. Better be, as I initiated it...

C


----------



## Dollystanford

There's room in the pool but no swimming costumes allowed


----------



## angelpixie

You guys wear costumes in the pool over there? (gasps in no-class Yankee surprise  )


----------



## Dollystanford

er yes we're British and sexually repressed, can't you tell


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Help! I'm being repressed!!!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> So I do understand your frustration at non-representative pics, but I wouldn't stoop to asking for a mirror pic. Besides, the photo quality usually sucks! How does that help you?


I don't consider it stooping. LOL

I call it being honest. This is 2013. Everyone has a phone. Take a realistic pic of yourself. Today's phones have fantastic cameras.

But that's just me. I'd do it on request. No biggie. Be real. Be genuine. Afterall, what good does it do to put up old or photo-shopped pics? You know you're going to meet some guy/gal in person. You show up looking older or heavier, whatever, it's a big red flag.

If anything, it's better if your pics look a little _*worse*_ than the real you. That way your potential date will be pleasantly surprised when you meet for the first time.

Did someone mention a pool?


----------



## minimalME

PBear said:


> You guys got room in the pool for one more? My GF/SO of 2.5 years just left my place for the second last time; I imagine she's got one more trip to pick up her stuff. I'm ok with it, I think. Or will be. Better be, as I initiated it...
> 
> C


I'm so sorry. 

I always makes me sad when someone's relationship ends.

And, selfishly, I'll miss all your stories. I've creepily stalked you in order to live vicariously through your experiences.


----------



## PBear

minimalME said:


> I'm so sorry.
> 
> I always makes me sad when someone's relationship ends.
> 
> And, selfishly, I'll miss all your stories. I've creepily stalked you in order to live vicariously through your experiences.


Thanks, all. We (well, I, in any case) very much enjoyed most of our 2.5 years together. The last 6 months were rougher, as I was wanting/needing more than she felt able to give. We had a pretty significant emotional discussion back in December, and she said she was on board with changing things then. But 6 months later, we had the same discussion all over. This time, she started making changes, but I had already begun the departure process in my mind and heart. 

I'll see what I can do about the stories... . Although I believe for the next relationship, I may not start with a FWB website. I think I'll try mainstream this time... My sex club party days may be behind me. 

Oh, and as an FYI... The swinging/sharing aspect of our relationship had nothing to do with our demise. In case there was any curiosity about that...

Excuse me while I go dust off some bathroom selfies from 2005 now...

C


----------



## Unique Username

Here is the profile of a dude who sent me a note from one of the online dating horror sites 

"Boating swimming gardening working loving cuddling wine concerts food, do people ever meet on this site ,lol your all fake ,you ask too meet and they freak out so you all must be lying about yourself, so if you are who you say you are then I will talk and then we can meet to see if your all that lol "

Bahahaha poor dude


----------



## Unique Username

I seriously dislike selfie bathroom mirror pics




BUT, I bet yours PBear are doubly wondermous since they are from 2005 AND shirtless am I right?!


----------



## Unique Username

Why don't they just change the name of POF to FWB?


----------



## Nsweet

Unique Username said:


> Here is the profile of a dude who sent me a note from one of the online dating horror sites
> 
> "Boating swimming gardening working loving cuddling wine concerts food, do people ever meet on this site ,lol your all fake ,you ask too meet and they freak out so you all must be lying about yourself, so if you are who you say you are then I will talk and then we can meet to see if your all that lol "
> 
> Bahahaha poor dude


Lets see....

-lack of proper punctuation.
-use of "your" instead of "you're".
-should be "yourselves".
-not enough emphasis on interests.
-needy

Who's calling the shots you or him? As far as I can tell his profile looks like it was copied from a teenagers about me facebook page. You'd have better luck trying to prove how genuine you are than how fake you think everyone else is.:rofl:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Unique Username said:


> Here is the profile of a dude who sent me a note from one of the online dating horror sites
> 
> "Boating swimming gardening working loving cuddling wine concerts food, do people ever meet on this site ,lol your all fake ,you ask too meet and they freak out so you all must be lying about yourself, so if you are who you say you are then I will talk and then we can meet to see if your all that lol "
> 
> Bahahaha poor dude


Awwww, c'mon Unique! Don't post my profile here!


----------



## Unique Username

Nsweet said:


> Lets see....
> 
> -lack of proper punctuation.
> -use of "your" instead of "you're".
> -should be "yourselves".
> -not enough emphasis on interests.
> -needy
> 
> Who's calling the shots you or him? As far as I can tell his profile looks like it was copied from a teenagers about me facebook page. You'd have better luck trying to prove how genuine you are than how fake you think everyone else is.:rofl:



Hahahaha I didn't even respond to the email. I just thought it was a rather good example of what NOT to do.....total turnoff...and he isn't half bad looking, poor guy.


----------



## Unique Username

I just looked over my own profile..............awful, must be changed..I wouldn't date me if this is all I had to go on.....I think I got bored or fed up with it one day and deleted most everything.

Guess what, still get the same amount of emails.....still most are discarded and not replied to. I personally read profiles before I decide if I'm going to read messages/emails. But apparently my lack of information changed nothing. I do have current photos, multiple and noooooo I don't have any stupid pics with kids, in the bathroom, none laying on a bed or anything like that...normal face/head shots and then activity pics showing that I have an entire body and it isn't repulsive 

What are some examples of good profiles peeples?


----------



## Nsweet

Unique Username said:


> I just looked over my own profile..............awful, must be changed..I wouldn't date me if this is all I had to go on.....I think I got bored or fed up with it one day and deleted most everything.
> 
> Guess what, still get the same amount of emails.....still most are discarded and not replied to. I personally read profiles before I decide if I'm going to read messages/emails. But apparently my lack of information changed nothing. I do have current photos, multiple and noooooo I don't have any stupid pics with kids, in the bathroom, none laying on a bed or anything like that...normal face/head shots and then activity pics showing that I have an entire body and it isn't repulsive
> 
> What are some examples of good profiles peeples?


Oh I can help you with a profile no problem.:smthumbup:I did a lot of tweaking with my own profile until I met my ex wife online. I've since learned how to weed out crazy from a few key phrases on their profile.

Biggest thing I can tell you without seeing your profile is that you have to be very specific and know those trigger phrases that attract the wrong people. I know you like to think you're an "out doorsy person" but so does the red neck with a collection of wifebeaters and and antlers on his pickem up truck, and just because you like to drink wine doesn't mean you want lush for a date. 

It's all unnecessarily complicated, but once you get used to those certain phrases you can sort of fine tune things and weed those guys out. Pictures matter, but how you describe yourself matters so much more so you have to be careful.


----------



## PBear

Apparently the demise of my relationship was somewhat premature... Got a text from my SO late this morning, after I'd spent the morning cleaning my apartment and packaging up her stuff. She wanted to talk. And she'd taken enormous strides at addressing the issues that I needed her to address, so given the 2.5 years we had both invested, I think we both deserved one more "all in" effort. 

We'll see how this goes. There's another major milestone in about 2 weeks, and I'm optimistic that we'll get through that, too.

In the meantime, I've got stuff of my own that I need to own up to and deal with. Like delaying talking to her about my feelings/emotions until I'm checked out. That's not fair to both of us, and I promised her I'd try not to do that back in December. Failed that this last time around. 

C


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Well, PBear, looks like you'll have to pick up your toys and go home.


----------



## PBear

ThreeStrikes said:


> Well, PBear, looks like you'll have to pick up your toys and go home.


Looks like! . Toys are back in their charging locations, handcuffs are back on the bedposts, waterproof blanket is back in the closet... Both of us are pretty emotionally wrung out right now, and we've still got some work ahead of us to rebuild, I think. But I'm optimistic that if we are both committed to trying, we can make it work.

C


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Getting boring in here.....

Where's the bartender?


----------



## unsure78

sorry 3 im currently not dating for a while, so nothing interesting to report, the ex bf revealed some info that threw me for a loop a couple of weeks ago (no not getting back together) so im taking sometime off to regroup. i was just getting started too, only went on 3 first dates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

PBear said:


> Apparently the demise of my relationship was somewhat premature... Got a text from my SO late this morning, after I'd spent the morning cleaning my apartment and packaging up her stuff. She wanted to talk. And she'd taken enormous strides at addressing the issues that I needed her to address, so given the 2.5 years we had both invested, I think we both deserved one more "all in" effort.
> 
> We'll see how this goes. There's another major milestone in about 2 weeks, and I'm optimistic that we'll get through that, too.
> 
> In the meantime, I've got stuff of my own that I need to own up to and deal with. Like delaying talking to her about my feelings/emotions until I'm checked out. That's not fair to both of us, and I promised her I'd try not to do that back in December. Failed that this last time around.
> 
> C


Sounds like what you said when you first got on the forum


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> sorry 3 im currently not dating for a while, so nothing interesting to report, the ex bf revealed some info that threw me for a loop a couple of weeks ago (no not getting back together) so im taking sometime off to regroup. i was just getting started too, only went on 3 first dates.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is homosexual? 

Yes...i'm jk. 

I hope for the best.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> He is homosexual?
> 
> Yes...i'm jk.
> 
> I hope for the best.


hahahaha....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear

Conrad said:


> Sounds like what you said when you first got on the forum


I won't argue with you there. I didn't make the effort then to add some tools to my relationship toolbox, and we paid a price now.

C


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Oh I can help you with a profile no problem.:smthumbup:I did a lot of tweaking with my own profile until I met my ex wife online. I've since learned how to weed out crazy from a few key phrases on their profile.
> 
> Biggest thing I can tell you without seeing your profile is that you have to be very specific and know those trigger phrases that attract the wrong people. I know you like to think you're an "out doorsy person" but so does the red neck with a collection of wifebeaters and and antlers on his pickem up truck, and just because you like to drink wine doesn't mean you want lush for a date.
> 
> It's all unnecessarily complicated, but once you get used to those certain phrases you can sort of fine tune things and weed those guys out. Pictures matter, but how you describe yourself matters so much more so you have to be careful.



That's at least 2 jobs you have then NS 
I've been messing round with my p for mths , just playin really but hey - it's damn hard to know how to put things.
Funniest thing , l'm not even a payed member anymore and through my hands in the air with the profile stuff. But since then l get 2-3 emails a wk from girls :smthumbup:
Mind you , a lot of them are shockers , real shockers , but there's been a few goodies in there too.
My sitch and mind is still everywhere though anyway so l haven't replied to any - however , there is this one !

l'm doing another post in a sec and l'l talk about her in that.


----------



## whitehawk

Unique Username said:


> I seriously dislike selfie bathroom mirror pics
> 
> 
> 
> Funny thing though , so many use them , girls and guys.
> One girl l like had 7 pictures all of her kneeling down beside her damn dog.
> Felt like emailing her and yelling ok - so you like your damn dog we get it already.
> Why would someone put in 7 doggy pics almost the same ?


----------



## whitehawk

I've got two for the singles thread so help me nut these out guys and gals :scratchhead:

1- there's a friend of ours that l've always clicked with , really nicely and l know we both noticed it. l always thought if l was single 
Well , here l am . No idea if R will ever be on the cards , there's been things , even just recently but , l am single.
The thing with her is , since we split up , this chicks been weird around me. She was never like that before . X knows her , l'm wondering if X said something to her.
What do you think , why after 6 yrs , now , would she get weird with me ?

2 , is a girl on my date site.
2 things with her. First one is , reading her stuff is like looking in the mirror. I kid you not , everything she says and she says a lot , it's long , but there's just uncanny exacto's from start to finish and , l just love her looks . l couldn't order more perfect .
Except - Waaaayy down at the bottom , she reckons she likes a glassy dresser , a guy that reaaaallly looks after himself and it al sort of sounded like a suit job.

So despite the uncanny loooonnggg discription likenesses about herself , the last bit is not me.
l've got a lot of class , been told that but it's exactly the same way as my daughter , it's inside , my views , self respect and self strength, can't stand pretense . l don't live or look like a suit or need too or want too .
l've also been told l have great tastes in clothes but they aren't suits or professional . I do dress up if l have to but after that it's straight back into my jeans or house clothes and that's what l like . l'm also a renovator and do physical work at work so l'm more along the down to earth out doorish type dresser and person too.
She sounds like that kinda of girl but you can also see in her pics she's also pretty classy and then she says that stuff at the bottom.

So , should l even bother with her do you think ? 
l like down to earth , easy going , laid backish, fun . She sounds like that, we sound like a mirror, until the end bit . That's definitely not me !


----------



## Nsweet

*1. Any friend of your ex is your enemy.* Seriously, I'm willing to bet she's heard everything bad about you during the breakup. You're going to have a hell of a time trying to prove yourself to her..... You're just better off letting her go and starting from scratch with someone new. 

*2. BEWARE the instant connection!* Maybe you believe in love at first sight, great!, but selling yourself on how perfect she is before you've gotten a chance to even meet her is just plain crazy. You're reading into what she's carefully written as dait-bait. And uh hello, she's perfect but..... SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER. ~ RED FLAG!

If she's paying $30-$50 a month for a dating site membership she better not be expecting a millionaire to pick her out of the crowd. It's one thing to fantasize about a rich man dressed to the 9s it's another to think you're actually going to get him. Honestly, if she's looking for a man who dresses well that's fine.... but she hints at money being more important than everything else you should move on.

And just 2 women? Aren't you putting everything on a risky bet trying to make it work with a friend and a girl you just met? You gotta keep looking and looking and not go chasing after relationships like this... Don't want to rush into things and go through another divorce do ya?


----------



## whitehawk

And now , some self therapy, venting , thoughts , what ever you'd like to call it, on being single after 18yrs.
This could be long , you might wanna skip to the next one.

Strange , very very strange . It's a peculiar life isn't it being single again. One of my sisters has been single 23yrs , believe that. She dates and stuff but it never goes anywhere, dunno how but they just don't - all this time. God that must be a lonely life for a girl.l feel really bad for her sometimes , l know she'd love to have someone.

l feel real loneliness in spats. lt's only been 8mths so l'm still adjusting . At other times l love just not having to answer or explain to anyone. l start work when l want , do nothing when l want , have lots of room round the house when my d and her friends aren't here to do what l want.
l often felt l wasn't that suited to the family man one women stuff anyway and at times struggled with it a lot. But l also loved having our little family so l kept on trying for that and them and l did love my x so feelings were often conflicted . 
So there ya go , careful whatcha wish for because here l am , free ! 
l slept in the lounge for the first 6 mths , watching dvds and music all night. l didn't mind that but l painted the bedroom and moved back in bout 9wks back.
Fkg house feels too big and empty from up there though , it's up at the front. The house is only a 3b/r , nothing huge but tell you it feels it from bed on my own. Beds 8ft wide to but now thats ridiculous with just me. Spose there'll be plenty of room if ever start romping it up again though ha ha.The rest is ok but nights in bed up the front of the house is fkg terrible, hate it. Might move back to the lounge. lt's just awkward tidying it up all the time and fore sure if l don't someone drops in , nowhere to sit, joint looks like a bedroom. Know a chick that's been living in her lounge for 5yrs. 5b/r house too , she doesn't use one of them.

l have no clue how partners leave a marriage and bounce straight into someone else , no fkg clue ! l'm not use to even being single yet let alone doing that. They must really turn around later at some stage when it hits them and just think wtf !.

l've only spent time with one girl since we split , 5-6 wks . lt was strange though , too soon for me and she had big issues anyway so got out of that one .
l've been thinking on and off right through though , looking round , few nice encounters , they pick you up.
One chick in a shop had a gorgeous tattoo and when l commented she showed me the full thing . l couldn't help but say hmmm, you know l would love to spend all day licking that , just come out, yhat's what it made me wanna do. But hey she didn't wack me and to my surprise gave a subtle hmmmm. That was very nice . l might go back and find her one day and spend all day licking that gorgeous back of hers yet  
Nice encounters pick you up but l'm not really looking or talking in that sense mentally as yet.
l still think about x most days , maybe R , maybe not and how l feel about all this or do l want R. We do still have contact for my d and finances and l also spend one night a wk over at her rental to be with d and save the poor thing having to house hop at least through the wk. None of this is her fault yet the craziest thing of all is , it's the kids that have to live like that.
X and I have come and gone, l've had anger at times and have basically ignored her but if l let it it's often as if we're just still us and you can't help but think about it. Never been into seeing an x , but with kids and all your loose ends well . She's also turned quite a bit lately and come out with some weird stuff and l think she might be thinking R . Me , l dunno , sometimes l would but others , not so sure at all . I've never mentioned it or pushed it at all , one she needs to find her own terms with all this first and two, as above , l don't even know most of the time anyway myself. So there's all that too.
One way or another l'm single and floating head wise.

Checked out a few date sites because l don't know many people round here, not personally . Everyone knows "of" everyone type thing but l don't actually know many in person as such.
l've seen heaps of them on the sites though when l zone into local areas, kinda spooky ! 
lt's equally as strange just looking at date sites, it's not really me and the suspicions and vibes you feel coming through in especially the girls profiles , plus the way they describe things and their expectations yet you see their pic - yeah right, good luck . But one of the biggest and first things l've noticed day one is the girls , that world has changed so much.
We had friends coming and going all the time and some serious partying over the years but being in their head now as a single , seeing it all, different animal. The crap going on all over the place , the net, their thinking , expectations , mentality , it's like wtf ! 
So it's pretty weird. l am more of the real life person to l must admit and as yet though haven't had much to do with the real girls yet but if the nets anything to go by .
Thankfully some round here have their feet on the ground , makes you feel a bit better- shame it's a net club at times and not some party or something real life doable ha ha.
l can't get out to pubs and stuff much though as yet although l have been craving a few beers and some pool in a good crowd lately , don't don't have the spare cash right now unfortunately. 
Same with getting back into any hobbies and stuff much at all just yet. Gotta finish the house , reno costs , bills , debt , nice ! And we've now got plus her rental and running a second house costs throw in to so.

So there ya go, a boring couple of pages for you :scratchhead:
But hey , if you wanna talk about your sitch and feeling , l for one would be interested so go for it.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks NS and - uhhu. 

That all makes sense , scary but sense.

Damn shame about T , the friend , but what you say , l mean nothing else would add up. l can't think of anything else it could be.
Before we always talked very easily , comfortably .

2 , gold digger you reckon, hmm, that makes sense too.
And when you put it that way , maybe she has the looks but not the actual goods so to speak , a wanna be rich girl. 
So maybe we have all the down to earth tastes and interests but the wanna be out there hunting away too.

Scary sh!t this net dating stuff, for new comers anyway.

Thanks NS and if you don't mind, anything fishy in the future , l know who to call


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## Nsweet

Only happy to help WH. 

I've been around the net dating game (and all the shrink sites) long enough to be able to spot dating trouble from miles away. Sometime I'll have to copy and paste dating profiles here so I can highlight what I mean for the rest of you to see it.


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## ThreeStrikes

Some of the dating sites list the length of your longest relationship.

If a 35+ year old woman says her longest relationship was something like 2 years, I figure she's trouble. If there's not a pic showing her entire body, then she's hiding something.

But in general, for me, I don't put much stock in profiles. How many do you come across that sound exactly the same: 

"My friends would say that I'm fun, outgoing, loyal"....blah blah gag gag.

There must be some sort of bot-profile maker out there that these chicks are using.

For me, it's pics, age, occupation, kids/no kids, and age of kids. If they pass the test, it's:

1) Contact via in-site messaging, then if still interested
2) Texting, then
3) Phone chat, then 
4) First meet.

I try to get steps 1-4 completed in a week. As NSweet points out, you really don't know jack until you meet in person and can have a face-to-face conversation.

I will point out that I am not looking for my next LTR, per se. If it happens, great! But I'm not putting that kind of pressure on me, or her.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Only happy to help WH.
> 
> I've been around the net dating game (and all the shrink sites) long enough to be able to spot dating trouble from miles away. Sometime I'll have to copy and paste dating profiles here so I can highlight what I mean for the rest of you to see it.


Thanks so much NS and yeah , l for one would love to see your take on some of those profiles . l can see why a lot of the girls sound so suspicious , tricky business. Could just imagine what some of the guys get up to !

ps , crying about T but , unfortunately l think you might've nailed it.


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## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Only happy to help WH.
> 
> I've been around the net dating game (and all the shrink sites) long enough to be able to spot dating trouble from miles away. Sometime I'll have to copy and paste dating profiles here so I can highlight what I mean for the rest of you to see it.


Do it. There are those of us who value benefiting from learning WITHOUT all the painful experiences that come with it. 

To project. I know, I have experienced enough that i'll take the advice of others.


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## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> I will point out that I am not looking for my next LTR, per se. If it happens, great! But I'm not putting that kind of pressure on me, or her.


Do you also point out your 'if we don't have sex by the 3rd date, I'm outta here' rule, too?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> Do you also point out your 'if we don't have sex by the 3rd date, I'm outta here' rule, too?


Heynow! I never said that!

But I don't rule sex out, either 

Or on the second date...:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

That's it? I use search engines for copies of pics to see if she may have multiple dating profiles, I use that web program to see if she's even female, and once I get her email I reverse search it to see exactly where she is (only for dating profiles. I don't do this with TAM friends). 

I basically use every free resource at my hands to do background searches on potential dates to catch liars and frauds in their tracks. If I had the resources I would even record phone conversations and run them through lie detection software and have everything printed off for air tight evidence in courtrooms.... provided you can get them to agree to being recorded first. It's not rocket science though.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks for the tips 3S. 
And l'm sorry to say this about my own sister but yeah , she's in her 40's and has only ever managed 1 3yr relationship and he left her. Gotta be somem going on with her.
She great looking and a lot of fun to , can be really nice to talk too . She is different though and you might describe her as well , a bit skitish , feet not quite on the ground.

But hey , so would that mean I should say we were together 18yrs and that might b a good thing , or don't even go there in a profile or what's the go there ?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I'm calling foul!

I've read multiple threads from women here, who have gotten D's, and now have 2-3 fvckbuddies, boy-toys, FWB's, whatever. They get high 5's from all the ladies. 

If guys do that, we're dogs?

(I'm saying this while chuckling, ladies. Don't get your panties bunched).


----------



## hope4family

Does anyone else have a problem with seeing so many red flags now. It's almost like you don't want to give them a chance.

1) The give him some slack then real him in type. 

2) The girl who confides in you about their current relationship and is considering leaving. 

3) The one who simply cracks the moment you tell them that they are desirable not just to you but men in general. 

4) The one who always seems to gravitate towards you. You swear that they are interested in something, and then you find out. They are engaged. *ick* We've talked about your Dad, your dogs, your family, kids, friends, and you just never mention this "spouse to-be"?

5) When a girl mentions you are there plan B. 

I'd like to say there are more. But i'm so mentally shocked by the 4th one, I think I'm good for now.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

hope4family said:


> Does anyone else have a problem with seeing so many red flags now. It's almost like you don't want to give them a chance.
> 
> 1) The give him some slack then real him in type.
> 
> 2) The girl who confides in you about their current relationship and is considering leaving.
> 
> 3) The one who simply cracks the moment you tell them that they are desirable not just to you but men in general.
> 
> 4) The one who always seems to gravitate towards you. You swear that they are interested in something, and then you find out. They are engaged. *ick* We've talked about your Dad, your dogs, your family, kids, friends, and you just never mention this "spouse to-be"?
> 
> 5) When a girl mentions you are there plan B.
> 
> I'd like to say there are more. But i'm so mentally shocked by the 4th one, I think I'm good for now.


Work on your Alpha qualities, and this stuff doesn't happen. If it does, it doesn't affect you, because you should have other options.

Note to men: Never tell a date how attractive she is. She already knows she's hot, and has heard it a gazillion times. It's like telling her her eyes are blue. If you say it, she loses respect for you. Instead, compliment her clothes, shoes, accessories.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Do you also point out your 'if we don't have sex by the 3rd date, I'm outta here' rule, too?


That's SOOO 90's Women nowadays like to make you wait 5-10 dates and think anything chocolatey is off the table, but it all depends on the woman.

Now that 3 date rule is something like 1-2 dates connecting with her while having fun, another 2 or 3 building tension and not trying every desperate maneuver to get some booty, and the remaining 3-4 dates building trust and getting closer. 

Only wh*res let you get in their pants in 3 dates or less. Classy ladies and mature gals take 2-3 moths of finesse and charm to even get close enough to them for a night of meaningful romantic sex. None of that "thank you for dinner" crap, it's "thanks for the amusement park, the wine tasting, the rock climbing, and the concert,... and then 6-8 meals (1-2 Dutch/homemade).":smthumbup:


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## whitehawk

Is that right 3S , l'll have to give that a go 
l've done similar many times to the girl that thinks she's hot , not taken any notice of her , she really gets thinking. 
But as long as l don't read l'm hot all over her l'm otherwise happy to appreciate her looks but ha , maybe not though you reckon !


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Nsweet said:


> Only wh*res let you get in their pants in 3 dates or less. Classy ladies and mature gals take 2-3 moths of finesse and charm to even get close enough to them for a night of meaningful romantic sex. None of that "thank you for dinner" crap, it's "thanks for the amusement park, the wine tasting, the rock climbing, and the concert,... and then 6-8 meals (1-2 Dutch/homemade).":smthumbup:


This is how society has programmed them. The older the gal, the more likely she is to think this way. Societal programming.

If she has sex with a guy after 2-3 dates, <gasp>, she must be a *****! So let's deny my completely natural sexual connection for a few more months, and send the signal that I'm not really into him. Or that I'm considering the convent.

It's rubbish. It's just sex. It doesn't make her a bad person.

Some people put sex up on a very high pedestal. Societal programming.

Just my 2 cents.

I'm a 90's kinda guy LOL.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> That's SOOO 90's Women nowadays like to make you wait 5-10 dates and think anything chocolatey is off the table, but it all depends on the woman.
> 
> Now that 3 date rule is something like 1-2 dates connecting with her while having fun, another 2 or 3 building tension and not trying every desperate maneuver to get some booty, and the remaining 3-4 dates building trust and getting closer.
> 
> Only wh*res let you get in their pants in 3 dates or less. Classy ladies and mature gals take 2-3 moths of finesse and charm to even get close enough to them for a night of meaningful romantic sex. None of that "thank you for dinner" crap, it's "thanks for the amusement park, the wine tasting, the rock climbing, and the concert,... and then 6-8 meals (1-2 Dutch/homemade).":smthumbup:



Fk me , lota work  l thought they were the ones trying to get us in the sack after one coffee these days.


----------



## muskrat

This dating stuff is way to complicated. Match has been a total waste of time and money. My writing skills must be subpar and my pics undesirable. The free sites are interesting. I have yet to have a "date" that made me want a second date.
This all just makes me miss the family I had even more. I had already navigated through all the dating crap and never thought I would have to worry about it again.


----------



## hope4family

ThreeStrikes said:


> Work on your Alpha qualities, and this stuff doesn't happen. If it does, it doesn't affect you, because you should have other options.
> 
> Note to men: Never tell a date how attractive she is. She already knows she's hot, and has heard it a gazillion times. It's like telling her her eyes are blue. If you say it, she loses respect for you. Instead, compliment her clothes, shoes, accessories.


I wont argue that. No, it doesn't bother me. 

Well 4 does bother me because I feel its really misleading and you find out they are engaged through someone else. The rest don't really bother me at all. 

Honestly, if I ended up dating and breaking off an engagement. I can think of worse things I've done. Sorry TAMer's but they aren't married yet.

It's kinda funny how no 3 came about. Let's just say, she asked me the question. I answered that men do and defacto that includes me and she flipped out. I literally rolled my eyes and told her to get over herself. 

Too beta? Perhaps. I already considered us friends. She does push the friend zone, and frankly, I push back. The way I feel right now is above all that. But it does to me feel like a red flag. 

Or are you saying that the red flag is really with me?


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> This dating stuff is way to complicated. Match has been a total waste of time and money. My writing skills must be subpar and my pics undesirable. The free sites are interesting. I have yet to have a "date" that made me want a second date.
> This all just makes me miss the family I had even more. I had already navigated through all the dating crap and never thought I would have to worry about it again.



But hey Musk, that might just be getting through to the x's too once the honey moons over. l know mines been looking well , a little downhearted lately !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Fk me , lota work  l thought they were the ones trying to get us in the sack after one coffee these days.


Oh you thought anything worth while was going to be easy? You gotta use your head, see this as a long term investment with a lot of benefits. 

You treat a woman with respect and don't play any games or try to jump her bones after a few dates and the word of mouth alone will have more women interested in you, and create pressure on her to snatch you up before you get away (after she tests you). And when you go on fun dates and take pics of you having fun... Just improves your dating profile. 

Guys what you're not getting from this is just how common it is for a woman to meet "a nice man" who turns into a real jerk the moment he gets a whiff of sexual chemistry. By "being the not" and removing all pressure to have sex you're setting yourself apart from all those losers and I guess winning the game. 

And even if you don't get some if you've done everything properly and you just don't click, if she likes you enough she will set you up on dates with friends and *she will put in a good word for you first.* You don't need dating profiles if you have enough female friends who rock.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> And even if you don't get some if you've done everything properly and you just don't click, if she likes you enough she will set you up on dates with friends and she will put in a good word for you first. You don't need dating profiles if you have enough female friends who rock.



And here you go. This is it in a nutshell. It really isn't hard work. Just be fun and carefree. Let the sex come when it is time.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> And here you go. This is it in a nutshell. It really isn't hard work. Just be fun and carefree. Let the sex come when it is time.


Exactly!

And just because you can have sex on the first date doesn't mean you should. What if god forbid you get her pregnant and discover  she's a crazy psycho b!tch who only wanted your seed for a meal ticket. 

How about the opposite of that.... What if you click so much with a woman you could end up marrying her, but you blow it and end up freaking her out because she has her hangups and you skipped over some important trust building stages first. 

This is why I now say "you better be ready for the consequences".

And honestly, the sex is WAY better after you've gotten comfortable with each other first and not some drunken one night stand where you feel you had a silver tongue that night, but really she was just horny and you were the lucky guy who didn't say anything stupid to f*ck things up.


----------



## hope4family

Dedicated2Her said:


> And here you go. This is it in a nutshell. It really isn't hard work. Just be fun and carefree. Let the sex come when it is time.


Like business. Word of mouth is everything.


----------



## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> I'm calling foul!
> 
> I've read multiple threads from women here, who have gotten D's, and now have 2-3 fvckbuddies, boy-toys, FWB's, whatever. They get high 5's from all the ladies.
> 
> If guys do that, we're dogs?
> 
> (I'm saying this while chuckling, ladies. Don't get your panties bunched).


Where is this high-fiving going on? None of my post-D friends have any of what you're talking about. There are some in relationships, but not what you're talking about. I recently saw an article about a British study that surprisingly said that women did not want to associate with other women they considered 'slvtty.' I don't remember what their cut-off was as far as number of partners. But there goes your generalization, 3S!


----------



## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> Note to men: *Never tell a date how attractive she is. *She already knows she's hot, and has heard it a gazillion times. It's like telling her her eyes are blue. *If you say it, she loses respect for you.* Instead, compliment her clothes, shoes, accessories.



Whaaaaa??? :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah goes along with the big book of dating myths. She needs to hear you find her attractive, she will respect you for having the balls to tell her, but she only needs to hear it once. If you keep saying how attractive she is... then she loses all respect for you because you've lost all respect for her being more than her looks. 

There's nothing wrong with giving complements guys. It's when you give complements expecting something in return, then that's weak, unattractive, BETA, etc.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

angelpixie said:


> Whaaaaa??? :scratchhead:


Totally true. Most guys are best off complimenting something she put together than complimenting her looks. This is because most guys lack any sense of subtlety. Most will over do it.

The best advice about being with a hot woman is the same advice given when scoring a touchdown in football: "act like you've been there."

If he's used to hot women, he's not puking compliments left and right. She is normal for him. If he is puking compliments left and right, then he doesn't generally appeal to women of her looks... signaling that she is dating down. But also, attractive women are used to receiving compliments on their looks. Doing the same thing as every other guy isn't going to make a guy stand out... the compliments show that he's just another sucker for her looks. In this way, he has established his worth as lower than hers. This fact is readily evident in that we don't tend to meaningfully compliment those less attractive than ourselves much, if at all. 

While its not totally a black and white "never compliment her looks", a bunch of compliments subconsciously say "you're hotter than me, you could do better." There are far better ways to express one's interest, and even better, hold her interest.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> And even if you don't get some if you've done everything properly and you just don't click, if she likes you enough she will set you up on dates with friends and *she will put in a good word for you first.* You don't need dating profiles if you have enough female friends who rock.


And, of course, the opposite is true, too. Especially if your real life social circle is not super big. I don't live in a small town, but I'm shocked at how many people I know (and I'm no social butterfly) who also know friends of mine. And expressing interest about someone to a friend of mine will yield, "Ugh!! Don't go out with him!" With a list of horrors that she went through with this same guy already. 

So, a word of warning, if you're a jerk, it will get through the grapevine.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> Where is this high-fiving going on? None of my post-D friends have any of what you're talking about. There are some in relationships, but not what you're talking about. I recently saw an article about a British study that surprisingly said that women did not want to associate with other women they considered 'slvtty.' I don't remember what their cut-off was as far as number of partners. But there goes your generalization, 3S!


Most women have an inner slvt. If they find a guy with whom they can be that inner slvtty sexual vixen, without negative consequences, they will hold onto that guy.

Women are catty towards other sexual women, in general. It goes back to 5th grade, even. 

I get the feeling that some of the readers here might feel I'm a womanizer. LOL

For the past 23 years I've been in two LTR's. No other women, prior to my D.

But, I am not hung up on sex. There are plenty of women who are, also, not hung up on sex. That doesn't make them *****s, and it doesn't mean they are not LTR material.

It's good for me, and the readers, to get other viewpoints, tho. 

Good discussion.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> And, of course, the opposite is true, too. Especially if your real life social circle is not super big. I don't live in a small town, but I'm shocked at how many people I know (and I'm no social butterfly) who also know friends of mine. And expressing interest about someone to a friend of mine will yield, "Ugh!! Don't go out with him!" With a list of horrors that she went through with this same guy already.
> 
> So, a word of warning, if you're a jerk, it will get through the grapevine.


I've heard a lot of these red flags in the dancing scene I am a part of. 

To me it's all good, because I'd rather be a friend to a lot of these women at the end of the day. Mostly because some of them by themselves are cool. But not what I need in a long term relationship. That may change with time, may not though. 

What shocking to me, is the number of times I am approached vs the number of times I do the approaching. Someone has to be saying something.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Yeah goes along with the big book of dating myths. She needs to hear you find her attractive, she will respect you for having the balls to tell her, but she only needs to hear it once. If you keep saying how attractive she is... then she loses all respect for you because you've lost all respect for her being more than her looks.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with giving complements guys. It's when you give complements expecting something in return, then that's weak, unattractive, BETA, etc.


Exactly. A reference at the beginning of the date as simple as, "You look very nice tonight" will suffice. Not weird, just acknowledging that she put forth effort to look her best and you like it. Of course, that changes through the dating. Last friday night, my gf of six months comes walking down the stairs to head out in this black dress. I crack a devilish smile.... "Your [email protected]@ looks amazing in that dress." and give it a nice pat as she walks by. I love giving her that look, she just melts and you can see it all over her face. In my mind, the sex has already started.


----------



## angelpixie

^^^ :iagree: ^^^


----------



## hope4family

Ya'know I see a lot of men saying don't compliment the woman. What do the women here say? 

Would you be turned off if I guy that you knew (or were dating) said "men find you attractive."
"You look beautiful"
"Nice butt"

Give us your reasoning, opinions, thoughts, and co-dependent feelings.


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## angelpixie

For a first meet/date, I agree with a single 'You look great' or something similar. No going overboard, nothing about specific body parts (puhleez ), nothing sleazy. 

Save anything more for when you're more familiar with each other. That's my opinion. You know the old saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? If the guy says _nothing_, I'll think he doesn't have anything positive to say. I won't assume he finds me attractive. 



ThreeStrikes said:


> Never tell a date how attractive she is. She already knows she's hot, and has heard it a gazillion times. It's like telling her her eyes are blue.


Maybe this is true for models or other certifiably 'hot' women. 'Regular' women? Mmm, I don't think so.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

"Nice butt" is for an intimate partner. If I heard that BEFORE we had at least gotten a little heavy, I'd feel icky - it seems a bit too sexualized for a casual acquaintance so becomes creepy. A good rule is, if you have seen it naked or touched it, you can compliment it.

I'm perfectly happy and pleased to hear "you look great" or anything about my smile, eyes, hair or attire by someone I've just recently met but save the butt comments for after you've grabbed it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Nice butt" is for an intimate partner. If I heard that BEFORE we had at least gotten a little heavy, I'd feel icky - it seems a bit too sexualized for a casual acquaintance so becomes creepy. A good rule is, if you have seen it naked or touched it, you can compliment it.
> 
> I'm perfectly happy and pleased to hear "you look great" or anything about my smile, eyes, hair or attire by someone I've just recently met but save the butt comments for after you've grabbed it.



Agreed. I was very much on the one compliment, very simple, rule for a few months. Then, things, well, ya know. lol


----------



## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> Most women have an inner slvt. If they find a guy with whom they can be that inner slvtty sexual vixen, without negative consequences, they will hold onto that guy.
> 
> But, I am not hung up on sex. There are plenty of women who are, also, not hung up on sex. That doesn't make them *****s, and it doesn't mean they are not LTR material.
> 
> It's good for me, and the readers, to get other viewpoints, tho.
> 
> Good discussion.


Once again, 3S, I'll assert that it's not only societal (or in my case, religious) programming. I am fully aware of, and comfortable with, my 'inner slvt,' and exercised her on a regular basis with my ex. Because at that time, I trusted him enough to show that side of myself. It was there, regardless of the negative things I grew up hearing about sex. It was something I never really shared with anyone else. BUT -- when he took that and over time tore it into shreds and pissed on it, it was no longer safe to be that person with him. It took time to get to where I trusted him in the first place. I would not have a problem letting that part of me out again, but I'd really rather not go through such a deep personal rejection again. And the current mentality seems dangerous to me in this regard.
When I was younger, I was only able to be away at college for a very short time. I think I would have been freer, more like you and Dolly, if I'd have been able to stay. The few experiences I had were very positive, and I don't regret them at all. It's my more recent, long-term experience, combined with fear of the things I've heard and read about, that have changed how I feel. There seems to be a much higher chance of a bad experience than a good one.
So I don't feel that you're wrong or bad, as long as you're upfront. In some ways I wish I could feel like that again -- "It's only sex" -- but I can't. I just hope you understand that there isn't just one reason behind everyone else not feeling as you do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Oh you thought anything worth while was going to be easy? You gotta use your head, see this as a long term investment with a lot of benefits.
> 
> You treat a woman with respect and don't play any games or try to jump her bones after a few dates and the word of mouth alone will have more women interested in you, and create pressure on her to snatch you up before you get away (after she tests you). And when you go on fun dates and take pics of you having fun... Just improves your dating profile.
> 
> Guys what you're not getting from this is just how common it is for a woman to meet "a nice man" who turns into a real jerk the moment he gets a whiff of sexual chemistry. By "being the not" and removing all pressure to have sex you're setting yourself apart from all those losers and I guess winning the game.
> 
> And even if you don't get some if you've done everything properly and you just don't click, if she likes you enough she will set you up on dates with friends and *she will put in a good word for you first.* You don't need dating profiles if you have enough female friends who rock.


But hey , aren't nice guys finishing last these days and losing her to sex sex sex with her leaving their families just to jump as many bones as she can all the rage now !
Sure read it all a few 100 times round here !
Not even touching the Alpha fad


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> Once again, 3S, I'll assert that it's not only societal (or in my case, religious) programming. I am fully aware of, and comfortable with, my 'inner slvt,' and exercised her on a regular basis with my ex. Because at that time, I trusted him enough to show that side of myself. It was there, regardless of the negative things I grew up hearing about sex. It was something I never really shared with anyone else. BUT -- when he took that and over time tore it into shreds and pissed on it, it was no longer safe to be that person with him. It took time to get to where I trusted him in the first place. I would not have a problem letting that part of me out again, but I'd really rather not go through such a deep personal rejection again. And the current mentality seems dangerous to me in this regard.
> When I was younger, I was only able to be away at college for a very short time. I think I would have been freer, more like you and Dolly, if I'd have been able to stay. The few experiences I had were very positive, and I don't regret them at all. It's my more recent, long-term experience, combined with fear of the things I've heard and read about, that have changed how I feel. There seems to be a much higher chance of a bad experience than a good one.
> So I don't feel that you're wrong or bad, as long as you're upfront. In some ways I wish I could feel like that again -- "It's only sex" -- but I can't. I just hope you understand that there isn't just one reason behind everyone else not feeling as you do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah l dunno . l think people mess with it all way too much now . l view sex as just a very natural thing , it's natures free gift to us all . lt can be anything , l've had lots of anything . And it can be mind blowing or it can be totally fkd , it's gonna happen , you can't have one without the other.
We get the whole spectrum in our marriage if it's good , sleeping round, gf's and bf's .
Personally l've had the best on the planet to my likes, the mediums , the terribles and the worst , often all with the one partner . lt doesn't matter , there's always tomorrow .
l don't regret good or bads because we're dreaming if we expect one without the other , just enjoy the ride and roll with the punches in that department , no biggie.
People really need a chill pill imo.

l've always thought the same about losing virginity too . At the end of the day whats it matter later , none of it does. If was was beautiful , great , how cool but hey if not - whatever , done and dusted , age , the lot. Tomorrows another day just like anything else in nature,life. There'll always be droughts and rains.

Spose l've gone of your point here but anyway l just take that attitude and my x was exactly the same .
And we had friends all up in arms , joining nudist clubs, you name it they tried it all trying to make it what they thought it would be , we knew a lot of couples over the years just obsessed with trying so fkg hard to do , well we were never even sure just what the hell they were actually trying so damn hard to make happen.
Meanwhile we'd be walking round with grins from ear to ear , the sh!t that went on behind our closed doors , friends would've passed out .
Sometimes we'd go camping with some of them , it was always so funny.
We'd be staggering in asnd out of the tent any time day or night and all the try harders literally had sh!tty looks on there faces , still sitting where they were hours ago , days ago. Usually frustrated with us just going with our flow.

One of our best friends took us aside one day - beside the river  and says what the fk is it with you two , we've tried everything yet here's you two like a couple of rabbits .
I said - from a guys point of view , T , yep another T , Just stop . Stop worrying , stop trying , you turn him on , he loves you so much , just leave it , let nature be nature. And the X said - seriously T , just fkg relax , have fun , do whatever , whenever , just enjoy. 
T says what , and that's it , we said both exactly together , yep that's it !
You know we hardly saw either of them again for the rest of the 4days left - 2 more very happy rabbits .
Sure the others were all talking away when none of us were around .
Now l really got carried away there but ahwell .


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> "Nice butt" is for an intimate partner. If I heard that BEFORE we had at least gotten a little heavy, I'd feel icky - it seems a bit too sexualized for a casual acquaintance so becomes creepy. A good rule is, if you have seen it naked or touched it, you can compliment it.
> 
> I'm perfectly happy and pleased to hear "you look great" or anything about my smile, eyes, hair or attire by someone I've just recently met but save the butt comments for after you've grabbed it.



That's really interesting Enjoli , from a guys point of view.
Sometimes l get too bold , l am a bold person, l take risks and l really enjoy those ones, l just feel like playing , like the tattoo girl . But l'm not always like that , just in certain moods .
Other times though it may just come out , in a playful way , not in a slime way- l hope, like the tattoo girl.
Probably timing but it often gets a happy blushy cute kinda smile .

But here's a funny one. Once l met this and we went up the country together first date. We were walking along and she wore these jeans . Man l just couldn't take my eyes off them . I was stuttering , a blubbering mess . Eventually she said in a joking voice - are you nervous yeah ?
l sorta grinned and said well sort off.
She said what do you mean ?
I said it's those fkg jeans , they're killing me and the front , it looks soooo good l've just wanted to quite frankly well , grab it all fkg day, l can't think !
You know what she said- well why don't ya - with a sweet smile.
No need to ask this boy twice , well not on this occasion


----------



## whitehawk

Hey NS . You know the girl l asked you about that knows x , l remembered maybe a spanner in the works for your theory.

See about 4mths ago l went over to visit my d and x and her new best friend were outside talking. My d was with them to so although things were still pretty raw l hung about for awhile to be with my d. Later my d and l went inside.
A wk later the best friends asks me out , apparently with x's blessing . l didn't go but anyway . Now though lately , as I say x has been changing, nother story, but she keeps the friend away from me now.

She doesn't know the one l asked you about very well , or like her much. She did stay over the day once though for our girls party , x asked me later why she hung around all day. That's all l have 

So would you still go with your original theory , any other ideas ?


----------



## muskrat

WH, she could just be avoiding you while you work through your divorce. A lot of people don't like to get involved with separated people. They don't want to risk getting emotionally attached only to have their new love run back to their ex. So she could just be keeping her distance until she feels you are truly over your ex and there is no chance you would go back to her.


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> WH, she could just be avoiding you while you work through your divorce. A lot of people don't like to get involved with separated people. They don't want to risk getting emotionally attached only to have their new love run back to their ex. So she could just be keeping her distance until she feels you are truly over your ex and there is no chance you would go back to her.


I had a girl who had real interest in me quick. 

But because I hadn't divorced yet. We decided to go separate ways. 

I miss her. She is a cool person.


----------



## hope4family

Seriously though people. 

Some people view sex a lot differently then you guys. AP - what I wouldn't give to have that kind of trust in a relationship. So fragile, yet so awesome if well kept. 

I had the "i'm just horny" sex from a woman and it feels pretty meaningless and while at the time I viewed it as a "gift" I now look back at it and would rather have had something a tad more meaningful. 

There are natural exceptions to this, as there is to everything. I'm not calling any which way wrong. But my view point is sex is reserved for someone I can really trust. 

Some of you can imagine a potential conflict I feel. I am an incredibly high drive Christian. So it feels like my believes and desires are almost always in conflict in this regard. 

Then imagine the task of looking for someone who has similar beliefs, and feels the same way in the opposite sex. I have a headache thinking about it. 

So far though. Except for the drive problem. I really like being single.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> WH, she could just be avoiding you while you work through your divorce. A lot of people don't like to get involved with separated people. They don't want to risk getting emotionally attached only to have their new love run back to their ex. So she could just be keeping her distance until she feels you are truly over your ex and there is no chance you would go back to her.


That's a damn good point to Musk , never thought of that. God I wouldn't wanna go near me right now either !


----------



## whitehawk

hope4family said:


> I had a girl who had real interest in me quick.
> 
> But because I hadn't divorced yet. We decided to go separate ways.
> 
> I miss her. She is a cool person.



Yeah right , sorry you lost her for now. Maybe later hey , never know.

But yeah how stupid am I ! This girls had her own dramas over the years too so she'd be no dummy in this stuff. If it's not x's doing then this would fit. 
We need NS for a final conclusion .


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah I can understand your feelings Hope, I need meaningful too . I'd make a useless playboy 

Things I've mentioned , too much , sorry bout that but hey done now , may as well leave em and risk a few 2x4's 

But nope , even the jeans , that was our first official date but i met her a wk before at a friends . By our date it was pretty obvious we were both head over heals . We ended up actually living with together for a few yrs. 
Your not alone , just do what works for you and don't worry about a thing !


----------



## ThreeStrikes

EnjoliWoman said:


> "Nice butt" is for an intimate partner.


There will come a time when you won't mind hearing that, ever!

I mean, seriously, even if a complete stranger yells "Nice a$$!", you would be offended?

I have my doubts... LOL

Now, if you already know you have a nice a$$, I could see it getting old after awhile...

(sorry folks, just trying to keep things fun here)

(Oh, and it's fun getting AP all riled up)


----------



## minimalME

^ I wouldn't mind hearing it, but even my ass is minimal.


----------



## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> There will come a time when you won't mind hearing that, ever!
> 
> I mean, seriously, even if a complete stranger yells "Nice a$$!", you would be offended?
> 
> I have my doubts... LOL


Guilty as charged, lol. Last summer, I was wearing a vintage dress that I refer to as my Marilyn dress and was walking from my IC appointment to the parking garage downtown. As I was standing on the corner waiting for the light to change, a guy yelled from his truck "Hey, you in the blue dress -- I'd do ya!" Made me laugh and yeah, did give me a little ego boost, lol. That was the first and only time that's ever happened, so I wouldn't know if it gets old or not. 




ThreeStrikes said:


> (sorry folks, just trying to keep things fun here)
> 
> (Oh, and it's fun getting AP all riled up)



:nono:


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Guilty as charged, lol. Last summer, I was wearing a vintage dress that I refer to as my Marilyn dress and was walking from my IC appointment to the parking garage downtown. As I was standing on the corner waiting for the light to change, a guy yelled from his truck "Hey, you in the blue dress -- I'd do ya!" Made me laugh and yeah, did give me a little ego boost, lol. That was the first and only time that's ever happened, so I wouldn't know if it gets old or not.


For what it's worth... I haven't gotten tired of it yet.


----------



## angelpixie

You get the same reaction when you wear your Marilyn dress?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> You get the same reaction when you wear your Marilyn dress?


PB is the guy yelling "I'd do ya!" 

LOL

And us guys never tire of saying that


----------



## ThreeStrikes

minimalME said:


> ^ I wouldn't mind hearing it, but even my ass is minimal.


Sometimes less can be more, especially when considering a nice derriere


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> You get the same reaction when you wear your Marilyn dress?


Of course I do... And no matter how many times someone tells me I have a nice ass, it never gets old.


----------



## Unique Username

On to more serious and important news..........



WHAT do we think of SeniorPeopleMeet.com ???


Is it like POF (useless unless u want FWB or an STD lol) or is it more like Match or others?????


WHat sites are the best for normal people, not looking for booty call baloney....?

weigh in please


----------



## angelpixie

Anything with the word 'senior' in the title is not on my radar, so I don't know. What company runs them? Are they affiliated with any of the major sites like Match?


----------



## Unique Username

Well, I'm 48 and I'd rather date my age or a little older...nice to talk of music and things from our era etc.

I did Cougar before it was even talked about....lol well maybe baby jaguar me 31 exh 21 when met 

yes affiliated with Match I believe by their ad on the top


American Singles I liked very well, less weeds to weed through and actually met a really great guy I dated for a couple years on there. He was Mr almost Right. So I know that one is good.

Match used to suck, perhaps it has changed since being endorsed by Dr. Phil and Martha Stewart (lol)

POF...less graphic equivalent to Adult Friend Finders.....imagine my changrin the first time I went there thinking it was a platonic way for adults to make friends hahahaha okay noop not my bag o tea

Speeddate is stupid..because the people on there can't type quickly enough nor do they have enough brain cells to take advantage of a 3min speeddate.

EHarmony...waste of time a LOT of time filling out endless questionaires to only have them send you a few people...who live way too far away to bother with and they don't even respond. Got them to return my cash it was dumb. Now if the old dude from the commercial wants to take personal pity upon me and find matches and bring them to me..I would be open to it lol


----------



## angelpixie

So, one of the things I'm trying to do to help battle my introversion is to concentrate on making eye contact more. I smile a lot at people, and I can do little bits of chit chat here and there with cashiers, and things like that, but usually while I'm fumbling for my wallet, unloading my cart, etc. Well, after I took DS to Ex's for the evening, I had to stop at the grocery store. It was the most groceries I've bought in a long time, lol, so I had lots of chances to just make eye contact and smile or say hello to people. At one point, I was getting some canned goods off the shelf, and an employee was next to me, holding a cardboard flat of cans and putting some on the next shelf over. He said the perfunctory "Are you finding what you're looking for this evening, ma'am?" I looked him in the eye, smiled, and said "Yes, thank you." I was referring to the canned goods, but he must have been thinking I was referring to something else. He got bright red, and fumbled the flat of cans, spilling some on the floor. 

I might be more powerful than I thought. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Your next mission...realize you are sexy and start telling yourself every day in the mirror that you are


----------



## coffee4me

hope4family said:


> Ya'know I see a lot of men saying don't compliment the woman. What do the women here say?
> 
> Would you be turned off if I guy that you knew (or were dating) said "men find you attractive."
> "You look beautiful"
> "Nice butt"
> 
> Give us your reasoning, opinions, thoughts, and co-dependent feelings.


The compliments you listed here don't turn me off. 

I'm flattered by a sincere compliment. When a man gives too many compliments it comes off as insincere and then I think he's just blowing smoke. 

All of the men I've met for a first time coffee meet, complimented me on my looks, not my outfit or something else. I guess they never read the dating rules or they have nothing to go on since I show up in jeans and tee shirt. 

Maybe like everything age has something to do with it. I am genuinely flattered if I receive a sincere compliment. At my age I really appreciate that. If the compliment is not sincere I just find it humorous.


----------



## whitehawk

On the compliments stuff . Yeah l'd have to say really , never had a problem with it either even if it is a bit bold at the time to be honest.
They seemed to enjoy it in fact too.

Spose a big factor is in just who's saying it and how they come across, timing .


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel you should have said 'I think I just found it' and suggestively licked your lips


----------



## nice777guy

Gotta be a cucumber joke in here somewhere too!


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Angel you should have said 'I think I just found it' and suggestively licked your lips



I'm starting out slow. Eye contact and a smile. Any more may be too much.


----------



## angelpixie

nice777guy said:


> Gotta be a cucumber joke in here somewhere too!


How 'bout a banana instead?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> How 'bout a banana instead?


AP, that pic MUST become your avatar....:smthumbup:

(hurry, before Dolly takes it...)


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Oh wait, never mind....Dolly's a nectarine kinda gal....


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## ThreeStrikes

Dollystanford said:


>


BWaaahhaaahhhaaaaaaaa!


----------



## hope4family

The sad part in this. Nectarines and Bananas are my favorites fruits....

Now I have to deal with all this imagery.......


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> The sad part in this. Nectarines and Bananas are my favorites fruits....
> 
> Now I have to deal with all this imagery.......


Ohhh, sorry, sweetie. 

Does this help?










or this?


----------



## hope4family

Yes. I have no emotional attachment to either of those. Thank you. 

*back to my banana and nectarine.


----------



## nice777guy

angelpixie said:


> So, one of the things I'm trying to do to help battle my introversion is to concentrate on making eye contact more. I smile a lot at people, and I can do little bits of chit chat here and there with cashiers, and things like that, but usually while I'm fumbling for my wallet, unloading my cart, etc.


Aside from the harrassment of young grocery shelvers, how's that going? Is this something you came up with on your own?

I've tried to be a little more conscious - make a little more chit chat - but it's just downright painful sometimes. Doesn't flow for me.


----------



## angelpixie

I've been reading about things introverts or just shy people can do to be more approachable, or to become less uncomfortable around people they don't already know. And my IC and I have been talking about it, too. 

Sometimes, it's easier than others. To be honest, depending on what I'm doing (volunteering at the film festival, for instance), I feel like it comes much more easily for me, but it's not real 'personal' contact. I have no trouble smiling, looking people in the eye, etc., when I'm taking tickets or ushering. Almost like I'm playing a role. But when it's more personal contact, that's when it's much, much more difficult.

I hope it's that I just need to keep practicing. I'll keep you posted.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Those cherry stems should be knotted....

just sayin'


----------



## angelpixie

Voila!


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## angelpixie

Ok, some summer music for all of you healthy-eating guys

Gunther - Tutti Frutti Summer Love - YouTube

(it has scantily-clad women in it)


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Dollystanford said:


>


:lol::lol:

they don't sweat.

they "glisten"....


----------



## Nsweet

Satya said:


> Hmm, don't think the pic I was looking for was safe, lol
> 
> Google can you find the apricot?


I love it! It's like an adult "where's waldo?":rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, Nsweet -- I see a couple caramel-colored ones in there! :smthumbup: 

ETA: since it's gone now (huh?) : I _saw _a couple caramel-colored ones in there!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Hey, Nsweet -- I see a couple caramel-colored ones in there! :smthumbup:
> 
> ETA: since it's gone now (huh?) : I _saw _a couple caramel-colored ones in there!


Oh I did, and it was AWESOME! 

I go flippin nuts, for caramel colored butts!:smthumbup:~There's a new siggy for someone beautiful and mixed.


----------



## nice777guy

Dollystanford said:


>


I just want to see your eyebrows!!!


----------



## coffee4me

Nsweet said:


> Oh I did, and it was AWESOME!
> 
> I go flippin nuts, for caramel colored butts!:smthumbup:~There's a new siggy for someone beautiful and mixed.


I thought you said that was our secret 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> I thought you said that was our secret
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It still is. What we decided to paint for our 180 art class is our business only. *Ok, now picture a finished painting with butt shaped hills and trees with little booty shaped peaches, and bouncing caramel colored butts everywhere.*


I'm sorry I still can't get over this concept. This is just like an internet meme waiting to happen, or a way to make living in the Spanish ghetto sound really erotic.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

nice777guy said:


> I just want to see your eyebrows!!!


post number 310 Nice - two pics of eyebrows!


----------



## whitehawk

You know l remembered something from single days .
People fall in love with you and when it's not the same for you it get's damn complicated.

l had that a few times and it's like you can't win and have to hurt somebody and - you have to hope she won't start hassling you like what happened to me a few times.

How do you avoid that , especially if you date a fair bit ? Couldn't deal with that right now and it's already happened once with my beach house chick !
Typical to isn't it , T l am interested in now , sounds like she isn't !


----------



## Nsweet

There's no such thing as quick or instantaneous love, before you get to know someone. It's just attraction. Anyone that loves you for real would be able to understand your situation and work with you instead of getting pissy about not having you right now. 

How do you avoid it? Push back and keep your guard up for those women who move in a little too fast.


----------



## whitehawk

Btw guess what. I just resigned up to my old date site .
Did have some nice emails waiting that seems as nothing else was going on , to hell with it , rejoined and replied .

That's what got me thinking about a date falling in love .
Anyway , replied to 2 nice ones , see what happens l guess. Although those two have been sitting there awhile so they probably won't even get back to me anyway.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> There's no such thing as quick or instantaneous love, before you get to know someone. It's just attraction. Anyone that loves you for real would be able to understand your situation and work with you instead of getting pissy about not having you right now.
> 
> How do you avoid it? Push back and keep your guard up for those women who move in a little too fast.



Yep agree with that NS . Any girl worth her salt should be happy to work with you !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Btw guess what. I just resigned up to my old date site .
> Did have some nice emails waiting that seems as nothing else was going on , to hell with it , rejoined and replied .
> 
> That's what got me thinking about a date falling in love .
> Anyway , replied to 2 nice ones , see what happens l guess. Although those two have been sitting there awhile so they probably won't even get back to me anyway.


If it's been longer than a year you're better off quitting and creating a new profile. That "member since" thing a lot of dating profiles have in the corner somewhere can be a red flag for some because it shows you've been here forever and you keep coming back, as if to say you're looking for new victims after scaring the bejesus out of old hook-ups. Ok maybe not you, but that's how it is for a lot of chronic daters.

Also, don't keep hitting up old profiles you liked from before. Just don't! And take advantage of any forums they have. It will earn you some serious points with the ladies if you can introduce yourself and your situation and have fun chatting with others without taking yourself or these potential dates too seriously.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Just got back from the grocery, and they had all the fresh, summer produce out on display. Peaches, plums, cherries, melons...

I immediately thought of all you perverts here!!!

Thanks!

I think AP started it....


----------



## angelpixie

ThreeStrikes said:


> Just got back from the grocery, and they had all the fresh, summer produce out on display. Peaches, plums, cherries, melons...
> 
> I immediately thought of all you perverts here!!!
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> I think AP started it....


Awwww, I'm touched. Not for real though, unfortunately. 




Sorry, Dolly declared this Frisky Friday, so I'm going with it.


----------



## Nsweet

ThreeStrikes said:


> Just got back from the grocery, and they had all the fresh, summer produce out on display. Peaches, plums, cherries, melons...
> 
> I immediately thought of all you perverts here!!!
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> I think AP started it....


Oh you asked for it!:rofl:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QRZpligDOs


----------



## Soveryalone

Brand new to the site and this thread, haven't ever been married but it surely felt like it, last relationship was 12 years and it ended 2 months ago, prior to that I was with someone for 4 years , so first time ( other than a short time in between the 2) for me being single in roughly 16 years, so I am sort of digging deep to find myself I guess? anyways just wanted to say hello


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, SVA. Sorry for the sad events that brought you here to The Island of Misfit SOs (formerly The Island of Misfit Spouses -- we've expanded our demographic over time.  )

This thread is for people to discuss getting back into dating -- well, that's how it started anyway. Now, it's just kind of devolved, like a lot of TAM threads, lol. But -- humor is a great way to get through a difficult time, so feel free to jump in and share.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

whitehawk said:


> You know l remembered something from single days .
> People fall in love with you and when it's not the same for you it get's damn complicated.
> 
> l had that a few times and it's like you can't win and have to hurt somebody and - you have to hope she won't start hassling you like what happened to me a few times.
> 
> How do you avoid that , especially if you date a fair bit ? Couldn't deal with that right now and it's already happened once with my beach house chick !
> Typical to isn't it , T l am interested in now , sounds like she isn't !


Its not that complicated. If a woman has gotten attached and is hassling you, I think its usually because you're sending mixed signals in your effort to be nice or avoid hurting her. If you know its just not clicking for you, its time to move on, no hesitation or extra softy "I think you're awesome, but..."; these things leave the impression that you are still interested in her, and maybe you need more time. I'm not saying be a jerk, but purposefully avoid softening it. She's a big girl, she can take it.

Then again, some women (and men) are just clingy. Best to identify it early and get out before all of the suckers attach. The softer you say it, and the longer you drag it out, the worse it is.


----------



## vi_bride04

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Then again, some women (and men) are just clingy. Best to identify it early and get out before all of the suckers attach. The softer you say it, and the longer you drag it out, the worse it is.


Clingy is such a turn off!!!!

That is one of my deal breakers for sure.....


----------



## hope4family

What is clingy in a relationship? 

They talk to you too much? 

Not independent enough? 

Too much cuddling? 

Want to spend too much time with you?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

hope4family said:


> What is clingy in a relationship?
> 
> They talk to you too much?
> 
> Not independent enough?
> 
> Too much cuddling?
> 
> Want to spend too much time with you?


Yes.

A person needs to have a degree of independence and their own interests and ability to self-entertain. Else, I think you're just dating yourself. Hell, you won't even have much to talk about after awhile. Some women I've dated were so clingy it was more like having a pet than a girlfriend. Being with them becomes a burden rather than a pleasure.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> What is clingy in a relationship?
> 
> They talk to you too much?
> 
> Not independent enough?
> 
> Too much cuddling?
> 
> Want to spend too much time with you?


To me, clingy is not wanting to do anything independently of your sig other. Always wanting them to be around you. Joined at the hip all the time. My ex was very much like this. Didn't want to do things by himself and hated when I wanted to do things by myself for myself. I realize now it was major insecurity on his part. 

Not being independent enough is probably the best description I can give for what I mean by being "clingy".


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> What is clingy in a relationship?



My ex and his posGF. They are joined at the hip with one of those retractable leashes.


----------



## hope4family

As a reforming nice guy. I will take all this into consideration.

I'm a cuddle bug horn-dog though. I am OK with it. Nobody else but my SO needs to feel otherwise. 

But honestly, I want my hobbies, friend circles, and existing friendships to stay relatively the same, and unchanged going forward. 

In my past marriage. We always spent time together. But what really sucked was that we had only one car. I hated being stuck at home, it would have been better if we had agreed to "our time" or a date night. Something. But, every time I asked, I would get the "we just need to be spontaneous."

Problem is spontaneous to me in circumstances such as this, is like asking a farmer to wait for the perfect time to till, plant, harvest. There is no perfect time. There is a season and you just "do it". 

That and she didn't want to trade the car in for two because we would lose our "status symbol".


----------



## hope4family

Man that marriage was so effed.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> My ex and his posGF. They are joined at the hip with one of those retractable leashes.


I was going to reference them in my post as the perfect example but didn't....Lmao 

Chinless and Trampire should have their pic in the dictionary next to clingy lol


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> What is clingy in a relationship?


It's the difference between having someone who _wants_ to be with you, and having someone who _must_ be with you.


----------



## angelpixie

And who won't _allow_ you to be away from them.


----------



## Nsweet

That's how the ex wife was, clingy as hell. "Dear, how can I miss you if you won't leave me alone when I'm without you?"


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> If it's been longer than a year you're better off quitting and creating a new profile. That "member since" thing a lot of dating profiles have in the corner somewhere can be a red flag for some because it shows you've been here forever and you keep coming back, as if to say you're looking for new victims after scaring the bejesus out of old hook-ups. Ok maybe not you, but that's how it is for a lot of chronic daters.
> 
> Also, don't keep hitting up old profiles you liked from before. Just don't! And take advantage of any forums they have. It will earn you some serious points with the ladies if you can introduce yourself and your situation and have fun chatting with others without taking yourself or these potential dates too seriously.


Ah right , thanks ns will do. And what they have forums too , must have a looky, good idea really.

Hey that gold digging chick was in there for 2yrs , now she's back . Reckon you would've hit the nail on the head with her. She's too good looking , gotta be issues wouldn't you think ? 
The other strange thing with her , 41 and never been married , no kids , that's gotta be a bit odd wouldn't it ?


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Ah right , thanks ns will do. And what they have forums too , must have a looky, good idea really.
> 
> Hey that gold digging chick was in there for 2yrs , now she's back . Reckon you would've hit the nail on the head with her. She's too good looking , gotta be issues wouldn't you think ?
> The other strange thing with her , 41 and never been married , no kids , that's gotta be a bit odd wouldn't it ?


See! You have to be very careful and screen everybody for red flags. And as soon as you can you start chatting with her about small stuff and occasionally ask questions about her life and profile.

Not to sound like a ****, but I had it down to a formula. You shoot out a few PMs first with the goal of IM'ing her 9never twice in a row). After you get a chance to chat for 15 minutes or so you push for adding each other in your friend's list around the 3rd nite. After chatting every day or every other day you exchange emails or phone numbers for texting, but understand that she may not feel comfortable with this at first. So you just keep up with the status quo. 

All in all you could probably talk to a woman on the phone in about a week, but you have to be very relaxed with your approach because internet dating for women... is a potential online meeting with a rapist or murderer. So the way I handle this is I try to get the one on one phone or video chat as soon as possible so she can talk to me and get to know me and then just stay with that for about a month. I wouldn't recommend meeting any woman unless you've talked with her for a month or two.

And that's also where chatting on the forum with other members will really help your case. Your sense of humor (be careful) will come in handy to make your internet representation of yourself more human and allow you to relax a little. I know you may find some men your age who you can pal around with and make sexist jokes, but you're better off befriending the alpha females first... women like DollyStanford, angelpixie, and Trenton who are dating after divorce and have that older wiser attitude about themselves 9while still looking so young and beautiful) ~ I had to include this because they would have said something otherwise.:rofl:

Also those women who have been there the longest who you befriend wil be able to tell you about other women ahead of time and warn you. I know on the dating site I was on BR was always in the know about which women to stay away from and which ones she thought I should go after, usually the nice girls. She had a very big sister/motherly vibe about her sorta like Dolly and was just awesome.


----------



## minimalME

Nsweet said:


> I wouldn't recommend meeting any woman unless you've talked with her for a month or two.


Personally, if a man is local, this would be too long for me. I prefer meeting as soon as possible. 

Being online tends to promote fantasy, which is why some can have emotional affairs with people they've never met.

I'm very sensual - meaning that I need my senses in order to determine attraction. Tone of voice, body language, smells, the way someone presents themselves and the way we interact face to face are all important, plus the fact that very few men I've met have been honest about their appearance. 

I would assume that a man who takes weeks to ask me to meet is either too busy to date or stringing me along.

Meeting at Starbucks for half an hour just shouldn't be that big of a deal.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

minimalME said:


> Personally, if a man is local, this would be too long for me. I prefer meeting as soon as possible.
> 
> Being online tends to promote fantasy, which is why some can have emotional affairs with people they've never met.
> 
> I'm very sensual - meaning that I need my senses in order to determine attraction. Tone of voice, body language, smells, the way someone presents themselves and the way we interact face to face are all important, plus the fact that very few men I've met have been honest about their appearance.
> 
> I would assume that a man who takes weeks to ask me to meet is either too busy to date or stringing me along.
> 
> Meeting at Starbucks for half an hour just shouldn't be that big of a deal.


:iagree:

Texting and phone chat can only go on for so long. I like to meet within a week or two. Just a meet for drinks/coffee.

For me, talking on the phone for an extended period of time, and not meeting, feels a little creepy.

But, to each his own. There are more ways than one to skin a cat.


----------



## CEL

A lot of people who do the online thing are well skittish overly so. The reason for the online thing is because they are skittish around people so you find that they may want to take it a LOT slower to meet in person. Now I am okay either way in person or online I prefer to meet in person as soon as possible because I want to see that person interact with them, get to know them and over all I don't know not have to look at a damn screen all the time. But if I really like a person over the net then I will hold off if they want to wait to meet in person but that does mean I am starting off on the wrong foot doing it THEIR way instead of what I would want. And the holding off in my opinion can be a red flag in and of itself.

Ultimately it comes down to if I think it is worth it to play by their rules or not. Sometimes yes sometimes no. When I first met my girl we were at an event I asked for her number we talked on the phone and set up a date. She went to wrong place so we talked again and she said that she only wanted to be friends anyway. I said awesome but no thanks. I discontinued contact and did not see her for a year. When I did I asked her out again we talked online for a week and met at a restaurant it took off from there. Now would I of gone along with the net thing longer? Maybe I don't know I was really into her so I would I probably would of given her more time but you should be okay with meeting someone in a public place to have conversation if you are not then I would say hold off on dating.


----------



## CEL

angelpixie said:


> My ex and his posGF. They are joined at the hip with one of those retractable leashes.


You lost me a leashes......in a good way


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks ns and others.
Sounds like a prickly business . Where's Nowhere these days , has he left us ?
Last l remember seeing him about he was happily sexing it on with someone he met online, maybe they got serious :scratchhead:

Yeah l'm all for talking , text whatever but l think l'd wanna see someone in person before too long. Had a few shockers like that over the years. One and only online meet though about 4mths back. I was only in it for a wk then I went right off it till just the last few wks , bit soon. But l swear the pics she used must've been 15yrs old. l felt so dirty and used :rofl: 
Nah l mean cheeky [email protected] , man l was peed .

You know my x and l accidentally met in a singles club - pre net . We were both only in it for fun, didn't expect anything.
We'd both been through some shocker dates from it and we were both gonna be the last but what do ya know.
So bizarre how the net clubs now and all the people in them have this such a sorta wariness about them .
Ours as I say , pre net , it was pretty cool to actually .
But what they use to do is you'd sign up , pay 80bucks for 3mths, fill out a form about yourself and what you were looking for and sit back.
Within days you got your first list of girls, pics , details , ph number the lost. They got the same and you'd just ring up and start talking. If you liked the sound of each other you'd hook up next few days, nough time to dig up some nice clothes  . 
Next minute you'd be knocking on the door or what ever. One chick was 23 or something and owned outright this beautiful farm- came with 3 kids:scratchhead:
It was so simple , absolutely hassle free. Your new list just came in the mail each wk . Had girls ringing up from everywhere , me ringing them , dates every 5 minutes .
The only problem both me and x had was just the bs on the forms , fake pics, date , ahhhhhhh  Then ya gotta spend hours getting out of it , real pain.
l ended up with a stalker from that to. Nice girl just lonely . Sent me flowers all the time , found out her and her friend spent 4 or 5 days parked down the road watching my house. Her friend was hot , couldn't get near her though, the other one was like a Rottweiler - knew l was onto her . 

My x and I were almost a match made in heaven. l was never really sure if you could ask for more really without losing something else . But l did often wonder over the years if we would of happened had we had met in the real world because I'd normally go for a different type.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

OK, so we have Frisky Fridays...

What do we call Mondays?


----------



## Nsweet

ThreeStrikes said:


> OK, so we have Frisky Fridays...
> 
> What do we call Mondays?


Missionary Monday.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mojito Monday


----------



## Nsweet

It goes Missionary Mondays, Two-Finger Tuesdays, Wet(oiled) Wednesdays, Throning Thursdays, Frisky Fridays, Sit-on-it Saturdays, and Sodomy Sundays. Any questions?


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm. That's not the what they said in Social...


----------



## angelpixie

Consulting with the judges. BRB.


----------



## angelpixie

^^^ Field testing. Excellent idea. :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Well my first one answered and wants to meet. That was a quickie should I take a some rope just encase NS :scratchhead:
Come to think of it I actually tried to write to her using your tips you know that , hey they work !
Tips for picking up chicks , how low have l sunk 

Maybe I'll get to do more thorough research on this Frid to Sun stuff :smthumbup:

PS . Actually NS , I think you and me are gonna have to have a conference on a T strategy , she's the one I really want


----------



## Nsweet

Tell us more about this T.


----------



## muskrat

I got a question I could use some help with. Would it be odd if a casual acquaintance sent you an email and asked you out?
I can provide more detail if needed.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

It's only odd if you think it is


----------



## muskrat

I was thinking about sending the email, I'm just not sure if it is the right way to go about things.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, so you're the sender of the email, not the receiver? I read your question wrong.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

More details please.


----------



## Nsweet

You're damn right it's awkward! If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you regularly your approach, no matter how professional, is going to seem like a pick up. 

You better keep it short, keep it high class, and keep it as low level as possible. What I mean by this is no more than "hey you, it's me, I've notice you from afar and want to take you out for a drink, sincerely you." Don't type pages and pages of poetry. High class, you know no naughty words or inappropriate jokes that may scare her, and no chasing. No matter what if she rejects you don't act like it's a big deal or chase her. And by keep it low level I mean coffee before drinks, and lunch before romantic dinner. 

But odds are if it's a casual acquaintance she's going to po;litely turn you down. Don't take it to heart, it's just because she doesn't feel comfortable enough with you yet and going out for lunch or a drink is a step too forwards. If I were you I would just write her an email saying something nice about her as a person and leave it at that. Then maybe two or three responses later asking her out. You've got to fluff her ego a little first or you're going to get a knee jerk rejection.

How well do you know this friend and how well has she treated you?


----------



## muskrat

Ok, maybe I should just tell the whole story so you all can give me your opinions on what to do.
Back in the beginning of Feb. I was talking to a leader of my church (we will call him T). The topic of dating came up and I asked about a woman from church. T said he would find out about her relationship status. The next day he texted me that she was single. I got cold feet and didn't pursue anything.
Fast forward to Friday night. I was doing some stuff at the church and another leader (we will call her S) asked if I had asked the woman(K) out. 
I played dumb a little and dug for info on what and how she knew. S told me that in Feb. T had asked her about K. S wasn't sure and asked K directly and appearantly told K I was the guy that asked. S said K was certainly not opposed to the idea of me. I told S I never did anything and never seemed to find the right time to talk to K. It seemed our kids were always with when our paths crossed. S told me to just send K an email. That brings me to my question.
The initial inquiry was 6 months ago, who knows if she is seeing someone now or not. Also it seems kind of creepy for me to just email K out of the blue. I told S this and she offered to set up a double date with me and K and her and her husband. I laughed it off and said that sounds to much like we are in high school again.
This whole thing reminds me of high school. I know S and T are just trying to help and they seem to be enjoying all this, but I feel I should just "man up" and do it myself. I just don't know where to start.


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> Ok, maybe I should just tell the whole story so you all can give me your opinions on what to do.
> Back in the beginning of Feb. I was talking to a leader of my church (we will call him T). The topic of dating came up and I asked about a woman from church. T said he would find out about her relationship status. The next day he texted me that she was single. I got cold feet and didn't pursue anything.
> Fast forward to Friday night. I was doing some stuff at the church and another leader (we will call her S) asked if I had asked the woman(K) out.
> I played dumb a little and dug for info on what and how she knew. S told me that in Feb. T had asked her about K. S wasn't sure and asked K directly and appearantly told K I was the guy that asked. S said K was certainly not opposed to the idea of me. I told S I never did anything and never seemed to find the right time to talk to K. It seemed our kids were always with when our paths crossed. S told me to just send K an email. That brings me to my question.
> The initial inquiry was 6 months ago, who knows if she is seeing someone now or not. Also it seems kind of creepy for me to just email K out of the blue. I told S this and she offered to set up a double date with me and K and her and her husband. I laughed it off and said that sounds to much like we are in high school again.
> This whole thing reminds me of high school. I know S and T are just trying to help and they seem to be enjoying all this, but I feel I should just "man up" and do it myself. I just don't know where to start.


An email is not the way to go.


----------



## Nsweet

Dude! You have the hookup, stop shooting it down! Yes it's too late to email, but it sounds like she's a good woman who would feel better going on a double date. 

Put your big girl panties on, say yes, and take her to an amusement park! Don't fall for the old diner and a movie, it sucks for communication. Go to a place like an amusement park, or a concert, or a church camp retreat.... anywhere where she can feel safe with you that also allows you alone time to talk privately, AND HAVE FUN!

For god sakes stop saying no to yes opportunities. You're killing your chances before they even begin.


----------



## minimalME

Nsweet said:


> You've got to fluff her ego a little first or you're going to get a knee jerk rejection.


:rofl:

Ego fluffer.


----------



## angelpixie

I have no experience in this, so, I'll just answer from my own opinion if I were the person receiving the email:

I had heard you were interested, I thought "Oh, that's cool -- he's cute, nice, whatever" And then...nothing. Months later, out of the blue, I get an email and he says he'd like to get together sometime; that actually, he's wanted to for a while, but it's been difficult partly because our kids were always with when we saw each other, and he likes to keep his social life separate from his time with his kids. 

To _me_, that would make sense. In _my_ life, I understand how 'life happens' and time can speed by before you know it. (It's also a good bet that she has heard at least a little of what's been going on in your life with the STBXW the last few months, so even without you saying it, she may know that's partly what's been keeping you busy, too.)

I would definitely rather that the guy contact me, then to just wonder whatever happened to him. And as for the 'double date' thing, I agree that you should do it yourself. You already had 'third party' help when the people asked about her relationship status for you. To do so again makes it look like you have no confidence, and you need people to do things for you. Not a good way to start out. If you want to double date later on, after you've already been out just the two of you, that's different.


ETA: So, why are you not asking in person, btw?


----------



## muskrat

Thanks NS. 
S really wants to do a double. She told me her and her husband need an excuse to get out. Said they don't get out often.
Maybe I will tell S I'm in and just go.

Here is a twist. S leads the group that teaches the kids class on wed. nights. They need an extra helper this year and she wants me to sign up. That part seems normal, the twist is that K is the other teacher.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, there's your chance to see her and ask her in person....but it's difficult to be in a situation where you're seeing each other and working together or working together and _not_ seeing each other, iykwim.

Tempting tho it may be, if you're serious about her, I'd turn down the class helper job.


----------



## muskrat

ETA: So, why are you not asking in person, btw?[/QUOTE]




The only time I ever see her is at church and either my kids or her kids are present.
I guess I could keep waiting and hope I find a good opportunity happens. However I have waited 6 months for that opportunity and only once that I can recall was there a chance for me to make a move and yes I chickened out.


----------



## angelpixie

Then work with what you have (her email) rather than waiting any longer for a chance to magically happen. Be honest and tell her that email isn't your preferred way to contact her, and ask for her number, too.

This isn't a textbook, cookie-cutter situation where there is a definite 'should'/'should not' dichotomy. Sometimes, rather than waiting for it to be perfect, you have to just jump in there. Be strong and confident when you write.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> The only time I ever see her is at church and either my kids or her kids are present.
> I guess I could keep waiting and hope I find a good opportunity happens. However I have waited 6 months for that opportunity and only once that I can recall was there a chance for me to make a move and yes I chickened out.
> Today 01:56 PM


Rat, the vast majority of relationships do not work out. Do you want to make going to church dramatic? It's just too close to your kids for my tastes. But, hey, to each his own.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> The only time I ever see her is at church and either my kids or her kids are present.
> I guess* I could keep waiting and hope I find a good opportunity happens.* However I have waited 6 months for that opportunity and only once that I can recall was *there a chance for me to make a move and yes I chickened out.*


Do you like being called BETA? 

You're not going to hear it from me, even though you deserve it, but you need really need to man up here and just go talk to her. 

Don't even ask her out, because if you can't get over you're fear of rejection now you're just going to have a very awkward first date with her. 

Just go over to her and talk to her. Damn.


----------



## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> Rat, the vast majority of relationships do not work out. Do you want to make going to church dramatic? It's just too close to your kids for my tastes. But, hey, to each his own.


This is the only good counterpoint to simply not doing it.


----------



## muskrat

Nsweet said:


> Just go over to her and talk to her. Damn.


 I agree with everything you wrote. ^ this was my plan on sunday, unfortunately she wasn't in church this week. I think I will just wait until next sunday and if she is there, I will go talk to her.
The whole email thing seemed like a bad idea, I only asked because S told me to email K.


----------



## angelpixie

But if you simply cannot seem to get a moment to talk in person at church, email is better than nothing. You've already waited several months for that perfect opportunity to arrive, and it hasn't.


----------



## muskrat

Up until custody was finally settled 3 weeks ago, we were exchanging the kids at church on sundays. This was the fly in the ointment. My stbxw was always in the area. Now with custody settled she will not be hovering over me at church (at least I hope).
Not that I care what she thinks, but it just made the whole situation awkward.


----------



## Lifescript

Rat, 

Don't e-mail. It will look weak. 

Just go up to her and talk casually. don't plan on nothing coming out of it but it breaks the ice.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Muskrat, if you can't just go ask her, do the double date. Don't think of it as a double date. Just think of it as friends hanging out.

Although waiting 6 mos is a really big no no, your hand isn't totally empty. Some women dig the "shy guy who has been secretly pining over them for 6 mos looking for the right opportunity to ask". If things go well, you have a funny story to tell of the myriad times you wanted to make a move and x happened and spooked you off. Some women find that sweet and genuine.


----------



## whitehawk

Hey Rat , she''s into you just find a way to see her and ask.
No way the other one set up a double date without asking her first or the help job.

Here's what I'd do - no way double date , the other ones mothering , she'll be so obvious the whole night it'll be unbearable. l got stuck on one of these once , longest night ever 
And she might be asking you more - forever :lol:
Forget the help job , if it turns to [email protected] you'll be stuck amongst fun and games for the rest of the year and if it goes well , you won't need to be working with her !

She's interested , talk to her , ask her , go solo ! Good luck


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Tell us more about this T.



She's the one we talked about earlier , the one that knows X - though X doesn't like her much.
We use to get along really well but now that l'm single , she's gone a bit back offish.
Started a thread over in the girls club trying to suss out why.

They reckon one of 2 things - 
- she may not have liked me in that way.
Or -she's wary because l've just separated

l could just get some time with her and ask, but this is tricky. 1 she knows X and 2 - her daughters my d's best friend.
Now there's a web if it goes belly up !


----------



## Nsweet

Didn't I tell you to stay away from her before? Because you're not ready to date and she may been soured on you by your ex.


----------



## whitehawk

Ha ha , yep that's the one..

There's only one problem , can't stop thinking about her.
Zero interest in meeting that first one from on site and l've been chatting to the other one , she's gorgeous but l want T - ahhhh !


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Hawk,

I am going to say this due to personal experience. It is always, always best to date someone your ex does not know. I have known both guys my ex has dated, and it has caused her nothing but issues. My ex, on the other hand, knows none of my exploits. It has created a very drama free environment with the kids for me. Coming out of a divorce, it's just best to have less drama. Branch out, work on yourself. If you meet someone, fine. If not, no biggie.

Dating someone who knows your ex is a recipe for unnecessary stupidity. But, hey, some people like that.


----------



## Pbartender

Oh, for crying out loud, WH, you're starting to sound like my 13-year-old daughter. You're over-thinking this.

It's simple.

The next time you see her at church, sit next to her. After the service, just ask her if she'd like to go get a cup of coffee. right there, right then.

That's it. No big deal.

"Say, T, are you busy? How would you like to come get a cup of coffee with me."

Easy peasy.


----------



## Awakening2012

Pbartender said:


> Oh, for crying out loud, WH, you're starting to sound like my 13-year-old daughter. You're over-thinking this.
> 
> It's simple.
> 
> The next time you see her at church, sit next to her. After the service, just ask her if she'd like to go get a cup of coffee. right there, right then.
> 
> That's it. No big deal.
> 
> "Say, T, are you busy? How would you like to come get a cup of coffee with me."
> 
> Easy peasy.


Or even easier and completely risk free: "Nice to see you. I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee, would you care to join me?"


----------



## Pbartender

Awakening2012 said:


> Or even easier and completely risk free: "Nice to see you. I'm going to go grab a cup of coffee, would you care to join me?"


Perfect. :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

D , your probably right man and l sure don't need the extra right now, don't know don't know.

A12 , yep, it's pathetic . That's what these damn women do to us see. :smthumbup:
Wish l went to church actually. Church wouldn't be bad for a single person . Lots of people , bumping into each other getting out the door, l could work with that  Problem , never see her in coffee opportunities , it'd have to be da big one guys - da call !
ps , A casual wanna join me for a coffee would be perfect for this. No dates= x dramas to start, just a casual suss it out opp , hmm.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

All of these suggestions are great. However, you guys are approaching it as he doesn't have his kids and she doesn't have hers. Based upon Rat's situation, he typically has had his kids at church. 

Easy way to do this: Walk up to her and ask her for her number. Ask her if you can call her sometime. You can do this in front of the kids because you aren't asking for a date, but adults know what is up. Very easy. Later, when you don't have the kids, call her and ask her out. Done. Deal.


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> All of these suggestions are great. However, you guys are approaching it as he doesn't have his kids and she doesn't have hers. Based upon Rat's situation, he typically has had his kids at church.
> 
> Easy way to do this: Walk up to her and ask her for her number. Ask her if you can call her sometime. You can do this in front of the kids because you aren't asking for a date, but adults know what is up. Very easy. Later, when you don't have the kids, call her and ask her out. Done. Deal.


Make da call you reckon D , hu , wonder if she knocked me back would she tell x


----------



## angelpixie

I think 2 stories are getting crossed here -- some answers are for Muskrat and some are for Whitehawk. Both are guys and apparently, judging by their names, animals, too, (har har), but asking different questions.


----------



## Always_Ready

My divorce isn't final yet, but will be soon! Can I join in on the fun?


----------



## vi_bride04

mmmmmmm animalistic guys......

RAWR!


----------



## Awakening2012

Always_Ready said:


> My divorce isn't final yet, but will be soon! Can I join in on the fun?


Yes, of course! Welcome, AR! Do you have a date for when your D will be finalized? It is a mixed bag of feelings for many of us... 

Best,- A12


----------



## Always_Ready

I just created this profile, because I dont want to be associated with my sad, pathetic "old self". So I am no stranger to TAM. 

I don't have a date for the divorce yet, but should know within the next couple weeks. We are separated, but still living together. My bedroom is in the office, and he has the Master. 
I am moving out in September, and cant wait to feel free again.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I think 2 stories are getting crossed here -- some answers are for Muskrat and some are for Whitehawk. Both are guys and apparently, judging by their names, animals, too, (har har), but asking different questions.


Correct. My last comment was for Rat. One of the great things about divorce is the ability to expand your social circle. Dating outside the circle achieves two things: 1. You make new friends and really get to press the "reset" button on who you are as a person 2. You can really go through many different types of people as you find someone who fits what you are lookin for without it being dragged into your kid's lives.

WIN.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> mmmmmmm animalistic guys......
> 
> RAWR!



Down, Vi, down!! :whip:


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Down, Vi, down!! :whip:


Its been a couple months - I need another trip to Mexico....

Too bad my ex is sucking all my real money plus money I don't have into his disappearing shenanigans........

Bastage!


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Correct. My last comment was for Rat. One of the great things about divorce is the ability to expand your social circle. Dating outside the circle achieves two things: 1. You make new friends and really get to press the "reset" button on who you are as a person 2. You can really go through many different types of people as you find someone who fits what you are lookin for without it being dragged into your kid's lives.
> 
> WIN.


Feels like a dumb question but for introverts like me it's not as easy as for others. How have some of you expanded your circle of friends? Making new friends, I know. I find myself asking who are my true friends and feel like I need new friends.


----------



## whitehawk

I am animal :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> Correct. My last comment was for Rat. One of the great things about divorce is the ability to expand your social circle. Dating outside the circle achieves two things: 1. You make new friends and really get to press the "reset" button on who you are as a person 2. You can really go through many different types of people as you find someone who fits what you are lookin for without it being dragged into your kid's lives.
> 
> WIN.



oops , oh well we can share :smthumbup:

Hey you reminded me of something I'll tell you guys speaking of this stuff.

I get along with T's daughter really special right , we've just always had this thing.
Well , she's asked me a couple of times if l would be her dad , breaks my heart to that this beautiful girl hasn't got one.
And she's asked me how old l am , l joked - why want me to wait for ya 
Then she asked me if I was gonna get back with x or not !

Hmm, wonder if mums sent her fishing , bit of planting maybe :scratchhead:


----------



## muskrat

How old is she WH? There is a good chance she may be trying to set you up with her mom without her mom having any knowledge of it.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> How old is she WH? There is a good chance she may be trying to set you up with her mom without her mom having any knowledge of it.



13 . Yea you know , I always chuckle at her poking and prodding, cept for the dad stuff- actually thought about that. 
But yea , l wonder !

PS , or with her knowing , this is a bit too persistent that's what made me think about it , someones prodding someone.


----------



## whitehawk




----------



## angelpixie

Lifescript said:


> Feels like a dumb question but for introverts like me it's not as easy as for others. How have some of you expanded your circle of friends? Making new friends, I know. I find myself asking who are my true friends and feel like I need new friends.



Not a dumb question at all. Several of us here are self-admitted introverts (myself included). Aside from the betrayal by my ex, the hardest thing for me is to suddenly have to go out there and start from scratch with a social life (and not just dating). At this point, I'm past missing being married, and can be OK with my own company. But getting out and making friends to do things with has been much harder. I know it's not just me -- I've spoken to many people here who have had the same problem. I'm a bit surprised, as this is a college town and I thought it would be a little more open. I've heard the same thing about dating, too. I go through phases of trying different things, then realizing that all of the time I put into that could have been put into other things, so I pull back on trying to socialize for a while. Until I get sick of doing everything by myself and start all over again, lol. 
Script, do the old tried and true to start out with: getting involved with DS' school - volunteering there, getting involved with coaching, etc.; volunteering with organizations you have an interest in, or your church; look up meetup.com and see if there are get-togethers in your area that appeal to you. Some people have had very good results with these things. I think it depends a lot on where you live, too. It may take a while and you may have to be persistent. Good luck!!


----------



## whitehawk

Well Rat ,I've decided not to ask T out, gonna let that one go for now.

Mainly for reasons people have said here.
I just do not need any extra crap right now and she's just too close to the X situation.
Gonna pass.

Good luck with yours , keep us posted.


----------



## muskrat

Thanks WH, good luck in your pursuit of a good woman.
I will see what happens on sunday and of course I will keep ya'll updated.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> Not a dumb question at all. Several of us here are self-admitted introverts (myself included). Aside from the betrayal by my ex, the hardest thing for me is to suddenly have to go out there and start from scratch with a social life (and not just dating). At this point, I'm past missing being married, and can be OK with my own company. But getting out and making friends to do things with has been much harder. I know it's not just me -- I've spoken to many people here who have had the same problem. I'm a bit surprised, as this is a college town and I thought it would be a little more open. I've heard the same thing about dating, too. I go through phases of trying different things, then realizing that all of the time I put into that could have been put into other things, so I pull back on trying to socialize for a while. Until I get sick of doing everything by myself and start all over again, lol.
> Script, do the old tried and true to start out with: getting involved with DS' school - volunteering there, getting involved with coaching, etc.; volunteering with organizations you have an interest in, or your church; look up meetup.com and see if there are get-togethers in your area that appeal to you. Some people have had very good results with these things. I think it depends a lot on where you live, too. It may take a while and you may have to be persistent. Good luck!!


Thanks for the pointers angel. I've heard a lot about meetup.com

But that's going to the back burner right now with everything that's going on. Don't feel like doing anything like that for now.


----------



## angelpixie

Of course, sweetie. I understand.


----------



## hope4family

Get into dancing. Aren't you in New York City? Take up Blues or Swing. They have a big scene up there that I understand. May take a few months to establish yourself. My dancing pals (male/female) are turning into a second family. It's nice. 

Dancing isn't my life either though. I got my guy hobby's. My friends inside of work, friends in church, family, and of course being a full time Dad. 

Relationship wise. Meh! I spend too much time to get to know people that I really don't care. I'm not a social butterfly though. Some here may disagree. But there is a big difference between introverted and withdrawn, and introverted with people skills.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Lifescript said:


> Feels like a dumb question but for introverts like me it's not as easy as for others. How have some of you expanded your circle of friends? Making new friends, I know. I find myself asking who are my true friends and feel like I need new friends.


Join group activities. Being around people who share your interest in something almost inevitably results in friendships.

I'm sort of post-introvert in that I talk to everyone all the time nowadays (natural introvert who pushed to become more extroverted), but I'm still slow to make friends. Those I have made all came from common activities: softball team, my boxing gym, motorcycle forums that organize local group rides, my rock climbing club and my mountain biking club. 

These friendships usually stay within the activity until someone initiates something outside of it, but doing so is pretty simple. Playing softball for example... someone just suggested having a drink after the game. A bunch of us went and it became a weekly thing to go to this Mexican place. After a season of that, a couple of us started hanging out unrelated to softball that winter. It just started with a "so what you got planned this weekend?" "Not sure, probably gonna go downtown, get a little crazy." "Sounds like fun. I need to get out more." "Well, come out. I'll call you and let you know the plan."

Easy peasy.


----------



## Pbartender

The other trick is to apply professional networking techniques to your friendship circle...

Start with one friend you already have. Hang out with him (or her) in a social setting, be friendly, introduce yourself to the other people there... make friends with your friend's friends.

Now, start hanging out with your friend's friends in a social setting, with or without your friend. Likewise, make friends with your friend's friends' friends.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

TLDR: Any Female singles in Florida? 

lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Going back a ways to our discussion about compliments, I saw this today:

Woman Flattered Complete Stranger Would Say Something So Nice About Her Tits | The Onion - America's Finest News Source


----------



## ThreeStrikes

angelpixie said:


> Going back a ways to our discussion about compliments, I saw this today:
> 
> Woman Flattered Complete Stranger Would Say Something So Nice About Her Tits | The Onion - America's Finest News Source


Dolly strikes Brooklyn!



(they left out the part where she said "Would you care to mosh for me?")


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> Thanks for the pointers angel. I've heard a lot about meetup.com
> 
> But that's going to the back burner right now with everything that's going on. Don't feel like doing anything like that for now.


Blues dancing. 

Kitchen Blues 2.0 - YouTube

Not my video....this could be you though!


----------



## angelpixie

That looks cool, h4f!!


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> That looks cool, h4f!!


Oh it is. Thanks!

Supposedly 2 weeks ago, I had a dance that blew someones mind. 

I looked at her and said. "I have only taken 2 lessons."

Workshop next week! I am so pumped for it.

Gonna try and have someone record me to a song I like or with a person I click dancing with. Let you guys see it for yourself. I'm not as "smooth" as the person in the video. But i'm learning.


----------



## jpr

That is super cool, H4F.


----------



## jdlash

Ok, thought I'd join in on the questions here! I'm on a dating site and I sent an email to a girl that goes to the same church as me. It was a simple conversation starter and she answered and then said, by the way how long have you been going to kcc? (our church) I replied and made more general chat. She replied to that, but only answered the questions. Should I assume that she is just being nice, but not all that interested? I mean she didn't really leave the email in the format of trying to carry on the conversation. 

It's difficult trying to read these things and I don't like being that guy that's begging and forcing someone to basically say hey I don't like you so stop bugging me!


----------



## minimalME

jdlash said:


> Ok, thought I'd join in on the questions here! I'm on a dating site and I sent an email to a girl that goes to the same church as me. It was a simple conversation starter and she answered and then said, by the way how long have you been going to kcc? (our church) I replied and made more general chat. She replied to that, but only answered the questions. Should I assume that she is just being nice, but not all that interested? I mean she didn't really leave the email in the format of trying to carry on the conversation.
> 
> It's difficult trying to read these things and I don't like being that guy that's begging and forcing someone to basically say hey I don't like you so stop bugging me!


If you want to meet her, cut to the chase and ask to meet. It would be heaven to me if men did this more often.

These never-ending online exchanges get wearisome quickly, and it's so easy to misinterpret, get confused, get offended, etc., the longer the back and forth communication is drawn out.

For me, the goal is to get off the site and interact face to face.

If you ask to get together, and she says no, you have your answer.


----------



## jdlash

minimalME said:


> If you want to meet her, cut to the chase and ask to meet. It would be heaven to me if men did this more often.
> 
> These never-ending online exchanges get wearisome quickly, and it's so easy to misinterpret, get confused, get offended, etc., the longer the back and forth communication is drawn out.
> 
> For me, the goal is to get off the site and interact face to face.
> 
> If you ask to get together, and she says no, you have your answer.


I agree completely! I run my own business and have been told that when I want something I'm sometimes very aggressive, so when it comes to this I don't want to be overwhelming to anyone. I think I'll just take it that direction and see what happens.


----------



## whitehawk

Just goes to show , lucky l didn't ask T out after all.
Found her face book page the other night and she had all new latest photos.
Man has she gone to the pack. Handy stuff this face book [email protected]
l haven't been sort of close up to her in ages apart from one quick chat where she was all made up but even then the girls were all carrying on so l hardly got to even look at her.
She use to be gorgeous but she's piled on weight and her looks are completely changed and not for the better .

Just think , going on about 18mths ago , the last time l spent any real time around her , l was just gonna give her a call .
Imagine if she said yes and l turn up to pick her up now - shocker ! 
Isn't it amazing how quickly people can go down hill .
Back to the drawing board :scratchhead:


----------



## muskrat

WH, it is good you saw this and can now keep moving forward without the fantasy of T in your mind.
I can be as shallow as the next guy and physical attraction is important. But remember it is what is on the inside that really matters. Don't dismiss all prospects outright just because they do not look the way you desire.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

muskrat said:


> WH, it is could you saw this and can now keep moving forward without the fantasy of T in your mind.
> I can be as shallow as the next guy and physical attraction is important. But remember it is what is on the inside that really matters. Don't dismiss all prospects outright just because they do not look the way you desire.


It's not being shallow. It's being real.

Physical attraction comes first, then you see what lies beneath...


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah agree rat.
There is this certain type of person
for example l sometimes see in a girl,
My x had it to. It's a peace an
easy calm, a nothing to prove
type ease , l just love girls
that have it about them. 

But on another wave , the modern women does bring on that attitude with their own demands these days too .
like sex is usually top of their list so hey , if that's the case then she better be looking after herself or l just won't be interested.
Spose then that could make me shallow but hey that's no worse than the way they're talking these days so oh well , what's good for the goose !

l'm just thankful l didn't get on that phone, all for inner beauty but hey l need a bit outside too


----------



## Clawed

ThreeStrikes said:


> It's not being shallow. It's being real.
> 
> Physical attraction comes first, then you see what lies beneath...


I hate to agree with this comment, but it is true. I don't like to admit that, but in the end, I think it's -at the very least- one reason my own marriage ended. My wife and I met online 15+ years ago when it was not commonplace. We chatted for months already online and made an amazing connection. Somebody asked me before I flew across the U.S. to meet this girl what I would do if she weighed 300 pounds (we didn't even exchange pics!). Without even a moment of hesitation I quickly replied "Honestly, I don't care at all. I love her as a person." Lucky for me, I found her very attractive, and to my knowledge, she was attracted to me as well.

We got married and I felt loved, but when I think about the past, my wife never gave me assurrances about my looks. In the mean time, I started dressing very nice and developed a taste for high end clothing. She then would compliment me about my clothing, and not neccessarily how I looked in them. I really helped my wife with her style too and when she started to dress super nice and carry herself differently, she started getting a lot more attention. I noticed that but still thought she had eyes for me. To this day, I honestly believe that she just outgrew me. She was with me for 15 years and since I was her first, may have just latched on because she was never really paid too much attention.

I thought I was the lucky one. I met a girl and fell in love with her for her inner beauty. She looked nice too, but as time passed she really became ridiculously beautiful. I can look at our pictures and see the transformation. I have always been just me. A slender and short guy with a compassionate heart. I can't compete with tall, dark and muscular men. That's simply not who I am, it wasn't in the cards for me. My wife cheated and it shattered my heart. I felt worthless... I started going to the gym immediately just to regain some sense of self-worth. To this day, she cannot give me a legitimate reason why she cheated or even why she filed for divorce, but I believe I already know...


----------



## whitehawk

Sorry to hear about your sitch C.
Don't worry about this being a bit shorter thing ok , forget about it.

Tell you something , l'm 6ft but l love really short girls. But hey a lot of them are really looking for a shorter guy so l missed out a lot.
Just pick the shorter ones.

Afraid l wasn't so lucky with one l clicked with online once. We talked all w/e on the phone and then arranged to meet.
She had to ware a red scaff so l'd know it was her.
Urggg , that can't be her surely , what with a voice like that , umm , it was.
Sorry darlin but l'm outa here . 

Sounds like you got lucky though , l'll never trust a blind date again myself


----------



## vi_bride04

I love short men!! Have never dated anyone over 5'8"


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> I love short men!! Have never dated anyone over 5'8"


That's a shame......

I'm 6'3 and I find a 5'3" woman to be just perfect!


----------



## muskrat

lol. I am 6'2" and always seem to end up with short women. My high school sweetheart was 5'1" and my exw was 5'0".


----------



## Clawed

Yeah, I got crazy lucky, but she was fairly average when we first met - but not to me, the fact that I fell in love with her inner beauty made her much more beautiful than the reality. She was 16 though at that time. Now, I can safely say she could have almost any guy she wants. That's definitely not always a good thing. Me, I was just a 5'6, 125 pound guy. I have bulked up to 140 since then, but I have some pretty serious self-esteem issues since I found out she was messing around.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Clawed said:


> Yeah, I got crazy lucky, but she was fairly average when we first met - but not to me, the fact that I fell in love with her inner beauty made her much more beautiful than the reality. She was 16 though at that time. Now, I can safely say she could have almost any guy she wants. That's definitely not always a good thing. Me, I was just a 5'6, 125 pound guy. I have bulked up to 140 since then, but I have some pretty serious self-esteem issues since I found out she was messing around.


A lot of guys would love to spend 15 years with a hottie.

Count your blessings.

Now go get another one!


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> lol. I am 6'2" and always seem to end up with short women. My high school sweetheart was 5'1" and my exw was 5'0".


yeah 5fts perfect. My x was 5.1 . Only ever had one tall girl , 5.6 , for me that's tall.


----------



## Clawed

ThreeStrikes said:


> A lot of guys would love to spend 15 years with a hottie.
> 
> Count your blessings.
> 
> Now go get another one!


Great way to look at it! It was a good run, and ultimately, I was in it for the long haul even though she was not.

It's actually good I found this out now, while I'm still in my early thirties.

It did bother me just a bit that she was slightly taller than me (while we're on that topic).


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah don't know much about the girls being taller but you do see it a fair bit even with taller guys . Would feel weird to me only because there was only ever that one tall girl.
l reckon they look hot it's just every time l am seriously attracted to someone she's ended up being tiny so now l just likem that way these days.
But in your 30s , your right don't worry about that one , absolute prime time for women , was for me anyway.


----------



## minimalME

I'm 5'4, and my ex-husband is 6'4. It's been really fun dating men more close to my height - I prefer it.

The only frustration has been when men say they're 5'5, and then I end up looking down. Don't fudge on your profiles, please.


----------



## Nsweet

minimalME said:


> I'm 5'4, and my ex-husband is 6'4. It's been really fun dating men more close to my height - I prefer it.
> 
> The only frustration has been when men say they're 5'5, and then I end up looking down. Don't fudge on your profiles, please.


You know how you could fix that problem? Go on your blind date wearing sandals, but pack your high heels just in case. That way you either look at him eye to eye or slip your pumps on and and stare him down. And if it's a really bad date you just slip on the f*ck me pumps and go finish your date with someone taller.:rofl:


----------



## minimalME

Nsweet said:


> You know how you could fix that problem? Go on your blind date wearing sandals, but pack your high heels just in case. That way you either look at him eye to eye or slip your pumps on and and stare him down. And if it's a really bad date you just slip on the f*ck me pumps and go finish your date with someone taller.:rofl:


It's so funny you should mention this because I haven't worn heels since my wedding! 

I just started entertaining the thought of getting a pair, and I looked at some a couple of days ago, but most of the guys I meet have been around my height anyway, so heels wouldn't work. I really like looking up.

You're so mean!  It would take pretty bad behavior for me to walk out on someone.


----------



## Nsweet

minimalME said:


> It's so funny you should mention this because I haven't worn heels since my wedding!
> 
> I just started entertaining the thought of getting a pair, and I looked at some a couple of days ago, but most of the guys I meet have been around my height anyway, so heels wouldn't work. I really like looking up.
> 
> You're so mean!  It would take pretty bad behavior for me to walk out on someone.


So want a guy you can look up to, but you won't date tall guys?:scratchhead: What do you take all your short dates to step ladder stores and kiss them on stair cases?:rofl:

If you want your f*ck me pumps just get them! Any guy who lets his short anxiety get in the way of you looking a little taller isn't worth it to begin with. As a man you have to be able to get over your hangups to hear her complain about hers.:rofl:

Be honest, you know you've had dates you wished you could escape from. I don't know of any situation where you would, unless you felt your life was in danger, but there are some circumstances.


----------



## minimalME

Nsweet said:


> So want a guy you can look up to, but you won't date tall guys?:scratchhead: What do you take all your short dates to step ladder stores and kiss them on stair cases?:rofl:


Oh, stop!  As I said, I was married to someone who was much taller than me for 20 years. There's a huge difference between looking up to a man who's 6'4 vs. 5'6. 



> Be honest, you know you've had dates you wished you could escape from. I don't know of any situation where you would, unless you felt your life was in danger, but there are some circumstances.


No, I really haven't been in a situation yet where I couldn't wait for it to be over. 

I'm not one to date for 'fun' or to entertain myself, so if I've chosen to meet someone, I find them attractive, and we've been able to communicate well initially. 

But I am guilty of staying in relationships too long when I knew they needed to end. That I do confess.


----------



## Nsweet

minimalME said:


> But I am guilty of staying in relationships too long when I knew they needed to end. That I do confess.


Same here. I tend to get into relationships and try to make them work for too long with painful outcomes. That's sort of how it was with the ex wife. I mean if a stranger treated me that way I wouldn't have put up with it, but she got away with that crap for years.

Never again, I'm a lot more careful now a days and my bullsh!t detector is in prime working order. I've already passed up chances with 3 crazy women by now and I'm feeling pretty good about that. Not passing up on the sex, I kinda regret that, but I know it would have ended up very badly.


----------



## jpr

MinimalMe...

I have had sort of the same experience you have had dating. My ex was 6 ft 5 inches. I am close to 5 foot 7 inches. None of the men I have dated have been above 5 foot 8 inches. It was sort of a shock to my system at first....to date someone who was a tad bit shorter than I . But, I got over it.

...but, I do also know what you are saying. It is really nice to look up to someone. ...even the slightest bit. 

I, too, have never been on a 'bad' date. I will have a drink with just about anybody, and I enjoy to hearing other people's stories and learning about their lives. ...ANNNND, I , too, have a tendency to let my relationships linger on for too long.

Since becoming single, my relationships haven't really ended in a painful way, I just hold on for too long--even when I know in my head that we are not a good match. I keep holding on..waiting for the guy to possibly show me more. It is something I know I need to work on.


----------



## whitehawk

minimalME said:


> It's so funny you should mention this because I haven't worn heels since my wedding!
> 
> I just started entertaining the thought of getting a pair, and I looked at some a couple of days ago, but most of the guys I meet have been around my height anyway, so heels wouldn't work. I really like looking up.
> 
> You're so mean!  It would take pretty bad behavior for me to walk out on someone.



Hey , l've got a walking out one for ya . You'll think l'm scum of the earth for this one , probably was.

Once l had a blind date and she had a broken leg and crutches . l drive us to where we were going , this all took about 2hrs by the time we left her house.
She was mad , one crazy [email protected] and by the time we got to where we were going l couldn't stand another minute of her.

So when she got out to go in a shop l drove off.
l drove off and left a girl on crutches with a broken leg stranded 3/4 of an hour from home. l can still see her hopping out as l drove off .
But hey she was crazy !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Hey , l've got a walking out one for ya . You'll think l'm scum of the earth for this one , probably was.
> 
> Once l had a blind date and she had a broken leg and crutches . l drive us to where we were going , this all took about 2hrs by the time we left her house.
> She was mad , one crazy [email protected] and by the time we got to where we were going l couldn't stand another minute of her.
> 
> So when she got out to go in a shop l drove off.
> l drove off and left a girl on crutches with a broken leg stranded 3/4 of an hour from home. l can still see her hoping out as l drove off .
> But hey she was crazy !


My Name Is Earl (SAP) Cost Dad the Election, Clip 1 :rofl:


----------



## minimalME

whitehawk said:


> Hey , l've got a walking out one for ya . You'll think l'm scum of the earth for this one , probably was.
> 
> Once l had a blind date and she had a broken leg and crutches . l drive us to where we were going , this all took about 2hrs by the time we left her house.
> She was mad , one crazy [email protected] and by the time we got to where we were going l couldn't stand another minute of her.
> 
> So when she got out to go in a shop l drove off.
> l drove off and left a girl on crutches with a broken leg stranded 3/4 of an hour from home. l can still see her hoping out as l drove off .
> But hey she was crazy !




I'm so curious! Why was she that angry?


----------



## whitehawk

minimalME said:


> I'm so curious! Why was she that angry?


Nah she wasn't angry , well she probably was later when she hops out to see my dust as l drove off but not before.

Just crazy , as in one crazy dippy [email protected], it was just her personality.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> My Name Is Earl (SAP) Cost Dad the Election, Clip 1 :rofl:



:rofl:


----------



## Unique Username

Randy Newman - Short People - YouTube lol reminded me of this song


I am 5'6-1/2" and specifically say I prefer tall manly men.............................then I get emailed from every dude who is 5'5" to 5'7"

I'm not looking for breeding stock so THAT isn't important......

I prefer tall - over 6' ...and I doo indeed like looking up  

one of my HS boyfriend's was 6'7"


----------



## Nsweet

Alright! I'm 6ft even.

Tall enough for the ladies, tall enough for acting, too short to play professional basketball.

I'll take anything 5' 2" and above. My cutoff is 6' 2" though.


----------



## minimalME

whitehawk said:


> Nah she wasn't angry , well she probably was later when she hops out to see my dust as l drove off but not before.
> 
> Just crazy , as in one crazy dippy [email protected], it was just her personality.


Okay. I'm trying to understand - what qualifies as crazy?

What was she doing? What was she talking about? What could be so bad that you couldn't tolerate turning around and driving her home? 

The reason I'm asking is because it's become very common to blow people off, saying they're crazy. I hear it all the time. But then some may look at your choice to abandon a woman far from her home - as crazy.


----------



## jpr

minimalME said:


> Okay. I'm trying to understand - what qualifies as crazy?
> 
> What was she doing? What was she talking about? What could be so bad that you couldn't tolerate turning around and driving her home?
> 
> The reason I'm asking is because it's become very common to blow people off, saying they're crazy. I hear it all the time. But then some may look at your choice to abandon a woman far from her home - as crazy.


I agree. Unless I felt threatened by someone, I don't think I would ever leave them stranded far away from home.


----------



## whitehawk

Unique Username said:


> Randy Newman - Short People - YouTube lol reminded me of this song
> 
> 
> I am 5'6-1/2" and specifically say I prefer tall manly men.............................then I get emailed from every dude who is 5'5" to 5'7"
> 
> I'm not looking for breeding stock so THAT isn't important......
> 
> I prefer tall - over 6' ...and I doo indeed like looking up
> 
> one of my HS boyfriend's was 6'7"


Don;t worry , get the same thing from women. the exact opposite in every way , than what I specifically talk about in my profile 

Opposite . l feel like emailing back and yelling wtf - did you even comprehend things l actually said on my page ?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> That's a shame......
> 
> I'm 6'3 and I find a 5'3" woman to be just perfect!


Maybe I should change it up every now and then lol


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> I agree. Unless I felt threatened by someone, I don't think I would ever leave them stranded far away from home.



Ok , it was a shocker . Admittedly l shoulda at least just thrown her in the boot and dropped her home :rofl: 
My only excuse is that l was only 18 :scratchhead:


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

I noticed that height thing even back in highschool. Tall guy always had a really short girl. Which really sucked, because I'm 5'10" and I wanted a small girl but it was always the girls close to my height that were interested lol. My ex couldn't wear 4 in. heels or we'd be the same height... and I love heels (but not more than I hated being the same height).


----------



## Clawed

Better than her being taller. My wife had short heels for our wedding day. Was really kind of weird dancing with a woman who was noticeably taller than me. Oh well, I didn't choose her for her height but for her heart. Too bad she destroyed my life. I'm not bitter though 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

If I ever find a woman taller than me with interest, I would totally jump on the opportunity. I think I've only ever seen one.

I'm 6'3".


----------



## whitehawk

Funny l was looking through on the date site the other night . Saw someone nice, reading away and the l come to 6'2.
Wow that is a tall girl isn't it. Reread it a few time thought l must've misread.


----------



## whitehawk

My mate use to lovem fat. Like we;re talking huge fat . He just loved them they drove him crazy .


----------



## sarcasmo

My STBXW was a hair taller than me, and I'm a shade under 5'11". I had no problem with it, in fact I have a thing for tall girls. She was taller than me on our wedding day wearing small heels. It bothered her more than me, but over the years she got over it.


----------



## Disenchanted

sarcasmo said:


> My STBXW was a hair taller than me, and I'm a shade under 5'11". I had no problem with it, in fact I have a thing for tall girls. She was taller than me on our wedding day wearing small heels. It bothered her more than me, but over the years she got over it.


Wow.

My last gf was like 5'9" or so, I think she's the tallest girl I've dated.

I like 'em short, I like 'em tall, I like 'em all!


----------



## Jellybeans

5'4 (and a half) here. I love my height. Not short, not tall but can be really tall in heels.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> but can be really tall in heels.


Like, how tall?

hehe


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I am slender so I look really freakin tall in heels. Add however many inches of my heels and voila...that height.


----------



## Disenchanted

I'm prying to find out if you are the kind of girl that can wear a 6 inch spike.

Thanks for killing my subtlety, lol.


----------



## hope4family

Two things I have learned to love more being single. 

Short girls. 

Slender females. 

There is a surprising abundance of both in the world. Many of which, pull it off.


----------



## Disenchanted

I'm here to tell you that even at 6'3", I love love love being with a woman who is a foot shorter then I am. Ooohh it's good.


----------



## minimalME

Jellybeans said:


> 5'4 (and a half) here. I love my height. Not sure, not tall but can be really tall in heels.


*pulls jelly into the shoe store to help me choose*


----------



## Jellybeans

I love shoe shopping so I can assist.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I love shoe shopping so I can assist.


me too lol

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-completely-destroyed-me-159.html#post1455108


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> I'm here to tell you that even at 6'3", I love love love being with a woman who is a foot shorter then I am. Ooohh it's good.


It tis it tis . knew this couple once , he was about your height and she would be lucky to make 5ft. Thing is , he was big too like 18-20 stone or something. She was slim . l couldn't help but think, squish :rofl:
They were cute though and she'd boss him round as if he was a midget , it always looked that funny. Ok dear, yes dear.


----------



## sarcasmo

Disenchanted said:


> I'm here to tell you that even at 6'3", I love love love being with a woman who is a foot shorter then I am. Ooohh it's good.


Definitely open to shorter women, I just have a thing for the taller ones. Actually, looking forward to dating some shorter women for the same reasons Dis is likely alluding too!


----------



## Soveryalone

This really is such a cruel paradox, I find myself so in need of friends and family at this time and yet I seem to sabotage each and every relationship (both friends and family) that I am in. Old friends have little to nothing to do with me, new friendships become completely confusing and end quickly. I really just don't know what to do? I just wish I could convince myself I am not forever broken. I am really not looking for anything other than friendship and yet people often become interested in me, or feel I am interested in them , and that's just not the case. *Am I meant to just handle all of this completely and totally alone, without any support at all ?* I have been single for 3 months now, its been 2 months since I learned exactly why my relationship ended, below is my story, warning parts of my story might make you feel disgusted.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/99985-my-ex-fiance-our-friend.html


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> This really is such a cruel paradox, I find myself so in need of friends and family at this time and yet I seem to sabotage each and every relationship (both friends and family) that I am in. Old friends have little to nothing to do with me, new friendships become completely confusing and end quickly. I really just don't know what to do? I just wish I could convince myself I am not forever broken. I am really not looking for anything other than friendship and yet people often become interested in me, or feel I am interested in them , and that's just not the case. *Am I meant to just handle all of this completely and totally alone, without any support at all ?* I have been single for 3 months now, its been 2 months since I learned exactly why my relationship ended, below is my story, warning parts of my story might make you feel disgusted.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/99985-my-ex-fiance-our-friend.html


Sounds like my life , family and friendships now S , there isn't any ! l so know what your living. But only 3mths , stay calm that's nothing , you need to be single right now.
l've been through 10mths of it totally alone. If it wasn't for tam and a few counselors , dunno what l would have done.
It's like that company , friendship , support , seems to know your in this sitch and literally runs away from you , kicks you even more while your down.
NOTHING , has gone my way since all this happened . My works gone down hill so badly every mth l nearly lose what is left , even family seem to avoided me.

l just dunno what the answer is. l can't stop trying l''d lose everything in a few weeks , but l'd like to just to hell with it .


----------



## Soveryalone

Whitehawk , I hear you loud and clear, it really is so very bizarre. I try to be kind to every person I come into contact with, try to remain hopeful about work and such, try to slowly fix things with my family, but it just feels like every single person is running in the opposite direction. My ex so graciously felt the need to not only begin an EA and then leave me for someone else ( fair enough that happens) , and then decided that wasn't enough, and began talking to all of our mutual friends telling them how horrible a person I was and since then , I haven't had much if any contact with them. 

My own personal friends are all married and or have their own issues, and honestly I never had the sort of male friends I could call and say , "man this is happening and its really tough to deal". 

I know this means absolutely very little , but reading your post did make me realize I wasn't going out of my mind, I realized at least one other person on this planet has a clue as to what I am going through. 

I am not sure I can handle many more months of this, so hopefully starting up with school can help me keep busy, perhaps make some new friends, and I am going to remain hopeful that I can start over, it just doesn't feel that way this minute.

So I guess for someone my age, 37 , its not exactly a simple process to make a new friend, and I certainly know after being in a relationship for 12 years its VERY difficult to begin a new relationship with a woman ( I know I am far from ready but the idea is rather comforting).

Also do you find yourself struggling to make new friendships/ maintain them? I cant figure it out for the life of me. I have one friend who calls me, but she nonstop talks about herself and can be quite mean sometimes lol


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l read your thread S and so sorry about the x thing , what a [email protected] l really still do not understand how people we love turn like that. But can you do yourself a favor when it all turns to [email protected] and she's calling you, don't take her back, promise us :smthumbup: 
But ahh, 37 , man your in the absolute prime of your life in every way. For the girls , or success , absolutely whatever you want your life to be nows the time.
Tell you the best part , for me mid30's to 40s was got me more attention from the girls than l'd ever had in my life so lap it up.

And yep right now through all this , for some crazy bizarre reason l'd have more luck finding gold than new friends. Yet l normally make friends very easily and both sexes have always liked me. This friend things been a pattern my whole life though when something big and bads happened. l've always had to get through alone , every time .
My wife,x , was the only person l've ever been able to depend on. We even went through our child birth interstate totally just the 2 of us when our best friends there took of on holidays a few days before. She came into labor 3wks early , we were alone. Think that was my curse 
Spose the school thing should be good for you . l'm stuck in a rural area now from all this till we sell the house. Don't really fit in with the locals , no talent for miles , broke, again alone.

l'll drop you a pm , because l sure don't wanna put tam through my story again.


----------



## whitehawk

ps , have made some great friends right here at tam though. lt might just be an online thing but you just wouldn't believe the help it;s been .


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Soveryalone said:


> This really is such a cruel paradox, I find myself so in need of friends and family at this time and yet I seem to sabotage each and every relationship (both friends and family) that I am in. Old friends have little to nothing to do with me, new friendships become completely confusing and end quickly. I really just don't know what to do?


You need to stop caring about what other people do, say or think and stop worrying about the role they play in your life and look to yourself. Wanting and enjoying the company of others is one thing, NEEDING them is another. Needing is a form of slavery, of bondage to yourself. You will never be free until you can exist and be content on your own, by yourself.

It was loneliness and NEED that drove me to date and marry the wrong man, to spend 23 years in a bad marriage. When I realized that I could exist just fine on my own, by myself I was able to break away. Need is a bad thing to be beholden to. 

I have the same situation with friends. The friends my ex husband and I had together have pretty much fallen away and out of my life. That's a common scenario after divorce and you pretty much have to accept it and move on. That means you need to find new friends and build a new life for yourself. It's harder than you would think. You need to be flexible, open minded and not NEEDY. 

It helps if you are content be alone and don't get too attached. Fortunately I am like that. I enjoy socializing a lot but I also want and need my "alone time" too. In fact, if I spend too much time with other people and feel it's expected of me to constantly socialize I start to feel suffocated and get irritable. Being alone doesn't bother me, quite the opposite I need and enjoy it. 

That's why I don't worry about friends. I always assume they are short term. When they are in my life I enjoy them but when they leave I may miss them but I don't dwell on them or mourn them. It's just the way things are. I do fine on my own, I don't NEED people so it's not that big a deal. 

For me, that's the ultimate freedom: Being able to walk away from people who cause me misery and continue on being happy and content with me, myself and I. I don't meet many people like that. When I talk about taking vacations or doing things alone or my plans to eventually pack up and move away I hear "Don't you feel lonely or bored by yourself?"

To be able to say "No, I don't" is the ultimate freedom.


----------



## Soveryalone

Freak on a leash ( love the name by the way) you are very right, and thank you for the post  Needing anyone in life whether a friend or a romantic partner is certainly an unhealthy feeling. When I said I was in need of friends of family, I think I just meant at this time in my life , after just going through the end of a long term relationship? 

I admire people like you, and the one thing I really want in life is to have peace of mind, to be content with my own thoughts , to be completely ok with being alone  But I guess that calmness, that peace of mind , the ability to be happy on my own isn't something that just happens over night, and doesn't seem to be something that is easy to adapt to. How did you adjust? how were you able to achieve that ultimate freedom you speak of? I do applaud you, and find stories like your own very uplifting for me. any tips , tricks , or advice would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## Soveryalone

Anyways sorry to have derailed the height preferences and shoe shopping discussions, Ye I am pretty much obsessive about height, I could never in my life date someone who was my height or taller, no chance. I am 5' 11 and I think 5'4ish to 5' 6 seems like an appropriate height difference. I cant figure out why I don't find women my height and taller attractive, even models


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Soveryalone said:


> I admire people like you, and the one thing I really want in life is to have peace of mind, to be content with my own thoughts , to be completely ok with being alone  But I guess that calmness, that peace of mind , the ability to be happy on my own isn't something that just happens over night, and doesn't seem to be something that is easy to adapt to. How did you adjust? how were you able to achieve that ultimate freedom you speak of? I do applaud you, and find stories like your own very uplifting for me. any tips , tricks , or advice would be greatly appreciated.


It's a combination of things. I've always had a bit of "Lone Wolf" in me, even as a child. I was the kind who didn't suffer fools gladly and would rather be alone then be with people I didn't like. If I was bored or lonely I'd go off and explore and do things or engage in some kind of activity or hobby. I have always been extremely hobby oriented. 

My marriage pretty much taught me to be alone as well. Early in my marriage my spouse told me that he "wasn't my social director and to get a life" and did the best he could to push me away. I grew up with parents fighting and my mother begging and screaming at my father to spend more time with her and vowed that wouldn't happen to me. 

So rather than scream and argue with my ex over this I went off and did my own hobbies, made my own friends and started taking solo vacations and doing things on my own. Eventually I not only grew used to it, but grew to like it. I've traveled all over and found myself going to social events with clubs in the various hobbies I've had over the years by myself, even when I'm in the company of other people I tend to like to get there and leave on my own. 

I can count on one hand how many people I actually consider my "friend". I know and enjoy the company of a lot of people but I always assume that the relationship is transitory and eventually it will end or just fade away. 

I don't know if this is a good way to be but I find that the older I get the less I like being tied down. I am scared to death of commitment, of being trapped in any kind of relationship. More than ever I crave and need freedom. I love having the freedom to make both the smallest decisions (like when to go to bed or turn off the computer or if I should go out at night) to the big ones, like what I'm going to do when my kids are out of the house and I'm truly on my own. 

So I don't want or need a relationship. If someone interesting and fun comes along and wants to hang with me, that's fine but I won't commit so I don't care or need to be with anyone long term at all. 

I think the reason for my being this way is half within me (it's the way I'm put together) along with a series of personal, conscious choices that I've made as well as the series of events that have happened over my lifetime that have shaped and made me who and what I am today.

BTW, I'm 5'2" and I like tall men (5'11" and over). My ex was 6'5". I am more fussy about weight then height though. I can't take overweight or out of shape men. If you got a beer belly then I won't even look at you. Sorry. I keep myself in shape and expect the same from anyone I date.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l've had a weird thing going on with friends my whole life.
Most of ours now though were on x's side since we got here and they basically either went with her or l'm steering clear of the 1 or 2 that didn't.
But even as a kid l made my own rules with friends, people , because my own space has always been very important to me and if l have to choose then that's how l'll go. l do enjoy people, partying, a few friends , but when l need it l need it and some friends just get too damn friendy.

So people pick that up with me and it's probably the main reason l've been alone when l do want them around , l get it , tis the price .
That and l am unlucky also in that way , like our best friends going on holidays 2 days before we have our baby 3wks early. There was spose to be plenty of time.


----------



## Jellybeans

Freak On a Leash said:


> It's a combination of things. I've always had a bit of "Lone Wolf" in me, even as a child. I was the kind who didn't suffer fools gladly and would rather be alone then be with people I didn't like.
> 
> My marriage pretty much taught me to be alone as well.
> 
> I don't know if this is a good way to be but I find that the older I get the less I like being tied down. I am scared to death of commitment, of being trapped in any kind of relationship. More than ever I crave and need freedom.
> 
> *So I don't want or need a relationship. If someone interesting and fun comes along and wants to hang with me, that's fine but I won't commit so I don't care or need to be with anyone long term at all. *


This is so me, too, Freak.

I really think it's something inbred within us (those who can function well w/o being in a relationship). I think people have this trait or they don't. 

Me, I never dated a ton. Oh sure,I met guys and would go out with them but nothing serious. I fall in love Every Blue Moon. It's just something that doesn't happen often for me/to me. And I am fine with that. I was never one that *needed* to have a boyfriend or felt totally weird sans relationship. I shocked all my friends when I announced I was getting married to my one and only serious boyfriend. 

Now that I am on the other side again, single, I don't see the need for marriage at all. It would be nice to have a companion but it isn't my be-all-end-all. I've found I function quite fine alone. It is nice to meet a good distraction but sometimes I think I may operate best solo. 

Now if only I had a lover I could keep for myself under wraps, out of the public eye. That would be ideal.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> This is so me, too, Freak.
> 
> I really think it's something inbred within us (those who can function well w/o being in a relationship). I think people have this trait or they don't.
> 
> Me, I never dated a ton. Oh sure,I met guys and would go out with them but nothing serious. I fall in love Every Blue Moon. It's just something that doesn't happen often for me/to me. And I am fine with that. I was never one that *needed* to have a boyfriend or felt totally weird sans relationship. I shocked all my friends when I announced I was getting married to my one and only serious boyfriend.
> 
> Now that I am on the other side again, single, I don't see the need for marriage at all. It would be nice to have a companion but it isn't my be-all-end-all. I've found I function quite fine alone. It is nice to meet a good distraction but sometimes I think I may operate best solo.
> 
> *Now if only I had a lover I could keep for myself under wraps, out of the public eye. That would be ideal. *


Feeling the same way here about being alone and single. I don't need a relationship and have always been more of a loner growing up. Had boyfriends but never sought out a relationship or felt that the world was over if I wasn't in one. Never wanted to get married...but then thought I found a great guy and decided to give it a try. Don't think I'll go down that road again...lol

And I totally agree with the bolded line. That would be perfect!!! Maybe a FWB situation wouldn't be a bad thing...lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Yes!


----------



## Disenchanted

Holy sh!t I need to get away from this website.


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi All -

I'm in the same camp as FoL, JB and Vi, however my only fear is of growing old alone. Does anyone ever have that fear? I mean, that was a big part of the lost dream of marriage for me, growing old together with your beloved. 

I know having a mate doesn't provide security of someone to help take care of you, because we never know whose health will decline first (my Mom played it smart in her happy long-lived 2nd marriage by marrying a guy 15 years younger than her!). On the other hand, I don't want to be stuck taking care of some old geezer either! I guess I'll strive to secure my own future financially, so I can hire a cabana boy to take care of me - LOL!

Best,- A12


----------



## vi_bride04

FWB! FWB! FWB! FWB! 

No emotional nothing...just do me and leave...LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi All -
> 
> I'm in the same camp as FoL, JB and Vi, however my only fear is of growing old alone. Does anyone ever have that fear? I mean, that was a big part of the lost dream of marriage for me, growing old together with your beloved.
> 
> I know having a mate doesn't provide security of someone to help take care of you, because we never know whose health will decline first (my Mom played it smart in her happy long-lived 2nd marriage by marrying a guy 15 years younger than her!). On the other hand, I don't want to be stuck taking care of some old geezer either! I guess I'll strive to secure my own future financially, *so I can hire a cabana boy to take care of me *- LOL!
> 
> Best,- A12


Even cabana boys have their faults........


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> FWB! FWB! FWB! FWB!
> 
> No emotional nothing...just do me and leave...LOL




"I had a really nice time. But you have to leave now."

Bwahahahaha.

:rofl:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

vi_bride04 said:


> And I totally agree with the bolded line. That would be perfect!!! Maybe a FWB situation wouldn't be a bad thing...lol


Sure wish I'd figured myself out BEFORE making the huge mistake of getting married, etc. Unfortunately at 24 I was a dumbas$. If I could go back I'd take a huge mallet and knock myself out 'til I was 32. 

As for the FWB, I thought I wanted that and actually embarked on one with someone I'd had a fling years ago. We had a great afternoon screwing around and then he got too pushy about it and I hate being bugged. It's a real turn off so we are in "friend" mode again but I know he wants more. 

I think I'm in "alone" mode and liking it. Maybe in the next part of my life I will meet someone but definitely not here and now. I really don't care.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Even cabana boys have their faults........


Lmao. Personal experience?


----------



## Disenchanted

:banghead::banghead::banghead:

Fahcrissakes where are you people irl?!?!

:banghead::banghead::banghead:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi All -
> 
> I'm in the same camp as FoL, JB and Vi, however my only fear is of growing old alone. Does anyone ever have that fear?


Not me. My fear is that I won't be able to grow old alone. I don't want to HAVE to need someone to take of me. I want to be able to do it for myself.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

vi_bride04 said:


> FWB! FWB! FWB! FWB!
> 
> No emotional nothing...just do me and leave...LOL


And don't TEXT me endlessly afterwards. I don't want to dwell or talk about it afterwards. Sheesh! :slap:


----------



## Jellybeans

Freak On a Leash said:


> Not me. My fear is that I won't be able to grow old alone. I don't want to HAVE to have or need someone take of me. I want to be able to do it for myself.


I like the way you think, woman.

Poor Disenchanted is having a meltdown. Lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> "I had a really nice time. But you have to leave now."
> 
> Bwahahahaha.
> 
> :rofl:


YES!!! My gf (who is going through a divorce) and I joke about this all the time. We don't need to know your life story, your feelings, what happened, what you are doing tomorrow...NO! We have a busy life and just want to get laid. We will probably be dangerous going out on the town together. 




Freak On a Leash said:


> As for the FWB, I thought I wanted that and actually embarked on one with someone I'd had a fling years ago. We had a great afternoon screwing around and then he got too pushy about it and I hate being bugged. It's a real turn off so we are in "friend" mode again but I know he wants more.
> 
> I think I'm in "alone" mode and liking it. Maybe in the next part of my life I will meet someone but definitely not here and now. I really don't care.


WTH??? Why get pushy? Isn't that the most perfect situation for a guy? Needy is such a turn off. He should have just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed a good thing.....lol



Jellybeans said:


> Lmao. Personal experience?


Yes, unfortunately. Not putting me in a great place right now. 



Disenchanted said:


> :banghead::banghead::banghead:
> 
> Fahcrissakes where are you people irl?!?!
> 
> :banghead::banghead::banghead:


Well I'm in Michigan. I am real and 5'3" LOL :smthumbup:


----------



## Disenchanted

Yes I am. And it isn't funny.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> YES!!! My gf (who is going through a divorce) and I joke about this all the time. *We don't need to know your life story, your feelings, *what happened, what you are doing tomorrow...NO! We have a busy life and just want to get laid.


You ladies are seriously cracking me up. Wish I knew ya IRL. I have a feeling having a a pow-wow happy hour would be great fun!


----------



## Soveryalone

This thread just took an extremely interesting turn haha You know , I have been in situations in the past ( the year between serious relationship 1 and number 2 ) and I hear all this talk , blah blah blah, from women who claim to want the whole NSA and honestly , its just not feasible. A few things I have learned in the past , MOST women are quite stubborn and may say they want a NSA no feelings "friendship" however 99.9999999%% of the time once things progress to "that level", something happens inside their brains, and a connection is formed , and feelings just sort of SLOWLY happen and are a byproduct of the sex , I think I met one once who was very insistent about not developing feelings, and it was a "one time thing" ( lol @ that by the way) , and no neither of us did develop feelings for the other, however , it most certainly wasn't a one time thing 

I am all for everyone being happy , getting what it is they desire, but I really believe men and women are completely different when is comes to this. IF you really are perfectly fine with the NSA arrangement and are sure you would never develop feelings ..... you aren't the one for me, because that would be so incredibly attractive and I would be the one to develop feelings !!!


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Well I'm in Michigan. I am real and 5'3" LOL :smthumbup:


Sh!t that's only half as far away as the last one....


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> You ladies are seriously cracking me up. Wish I knew ya IRL. I have a feeling having a a pow-wow happy hour would be great fun!


Yeah when y'all decide to get together let me know. I'll wear a blindfold and a gag if you want.


----------



## jpr

Jellybeans said:


> "I had a really nice time. But you have to leave now."
> 
> Bwahahahaha.
> 
> :rofl:


I was dating someone, and he called that "the tap".

He was in a 13 year marriage, and when he started dating again, he was surprised at how many women gave him "the tap" and didn't want to cuddle or anything afterwards.

tap! tap! "I'm done. You can leave now."


----------



## Freak On a Leash

vi_bride04 said:


> WTH??? Why get pushy? Isn't that the most perfect situation for a guy? Needy is such a turn off. He should have just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed a good thing.....lol:


Oh he enjoyed and so did I. But afterwards it was constant texting and then a barrage of texts asking me when I was going to be home alone, can he come over at 7 am or on the way home from work? Once he texted and said he'd be coming down the Parkway at 2 am and can he "stop in?" ("Hello! I WORK and have TWO kids living with me!). It was constant and never ending. He never gave me a chance to WANT him again. It was too much. I absolutely HATE being pushed on. There HAS to be a happy medium between being denied and pushed away or being smothered. 

Then I got really sick with two colds this summer (I've actually felt well about 3 weeks total this summer  ) and oh yeah, there was the whole HAVING THE KIDS LIVE WITH ME all summer situation. He is in the middle of a divorce and still living in his marital home and can't afford a hotel, lives 40 mile away, etc, etc. 

But to be honest, the being smothered thing really turned me off. It totally killed what sexual attraction I had for him. Now I am content to be just friends. Sorry but back into the Friend Zone you go. Join the crowd. 

I have yet to meet anyone I want to have a FWB with. It's ok, that's what toys are for.


----------



## Soveryalone

heh I guess the roles have reversed over the last 20 yeas or so? , more men are the needy , "aw I have feelings now" ones and women are in the , lets have some fun mode ? Gosh at some point I suppose men and women are going to be on the same page? wow that's going to become quite interesting ? oh wait that happened already , it was called the 1960's


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Disenchanted said:


> Sh!t that's only half as far away as the last one....


I don't know if you referring to me. 5'2" and in New Jersey. 

I'm going to change the NJ part eventually though. 

*"...And I'm headin' out west sucker...because I wanna be a
Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shining.." *


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Soveryalone said:


> heh I guess the roles have reversed over the last 20 yeas or so? , more men are the needy , "aw I have feelings now" ones and women are in the , lets have some fun mode ?


I'm finding that to be the case too. EVERY guy I meet wants a "relationship". 

"I don't want to be old alone"

"I can't imagine being a friend with benefits"

"Don't you get lonely by yourself?"

Blah blah blah. I hear it all the time. It's not just my age group. My 19 year old daughter hears it too. She broke off a year long relationship with her high school boyfriend because she wanted to be single in college. I think woman have just gotten SMARTER these days. 

I wish I'd been smart like that. Dumbas$ me spent my college years attached to the same guy I met in high school and got engaged to be married right after college. That broke up (because HE was smart!) He wound up in Colorado and I wound up marrying my "best friend". It's a good thing that you can't get shot in the head for being stupid because I'd have more holes in me then a slice of swiss cheese.  :slap:

There are women who want relationships. I have a few gal friends who are in that mode. Good luck to them.


----------



## Soveryalone

Ye I cant lie, I really really am getting comfortable being single I suppose? but I know myself very well, and even though I am getting used to it >>I hate it with a passion and I know that I will continue to hate being alone for as long as I am alone, and I think because I am like that, I will be alone for ever. And I have a "friend" who is really pushing the FWB thing on me, and part of me thinks I can handle it , but deep down I don't think I could? And people can make fun all they want lol back when I did have a lot of friends all of my guy friends would go and randomly hook up.
After my first breakup I heard " man just go get laid" and I did try it a few times but it wasn't really my style Hey give me credit for being 100%% honest about myself on a public forum which can be quite intense, hostile and direct at times !!


----------



## angelpixie

I've never done the ONS thing. Maybe I should. I'm just afraid that once I do, I'll feel squicky about it, and then I can't undo it, lol. I need to have at least some emotional connection for sex, so I think I would be one of those women who'd have feelings after a while in a FWB situation. Yet I don't want to be overwhelmed in a relationship, either. I think a relationship where we are exclusive sexually, don't live together and basically have our own lives except for when we want to hang out or go someplace together would still be the ideal. Just not sure how to go about finding that, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Soveryalone said:


> Ye I cant lie, I really really am getting comfortable being single I suppose? but I know myself very well, and even though I am getting used to it >>I hate it with a passion and I know that I will continue to hate being alone for as long as I am alone, and I think because I am like that, I will be alone for ever. And I have a "friend" who is really pushing the FWB thing on me, and part of me thinks I can handle it , but deep down I don't think I could? And people can make fun all they want lol back when I did have a lot of friends all of my guy friends would go and randomly hook up.
> After my first breakup I heard " man just go get laid" and I did try it a few times but it wasn't really my style Hey give me credit for being 100%% honest about myself on a public forum which can be quite intense, hostile and direct at times !!


Good for you for being honest, SVA. We aren't cookie-cutter people. Not all guys are the same, nor are all women the same. No criticism here.


----------



## Soveryalone

I think I have a pretty cool relationship with a friend of mine, she hasn't even given me her phone number , not that I make calls any more haha, she calls me when she wants , talks and talks and talks and I listen , she gets what she wants out of our friendship and I listen to her as long as she wants to talk, when she says good bye , I say goodbye. We don't email, we casually talk on facebook, whenever she messages me. All and all , its just not worth the effort to show interest , or be "pushy" any more. I am sort of just going with the flow of things. I don't know maybe I am so dead inside , or at a certain stage of grief where , my other friend who wants to have the NSA/ FWB type thing may have a point, maybe I can pull it off


----------



## Soveryalone

Thanks Angelpixie , been a while since we have talked ( er been a while since you have commented on one of my posts ) hope you are well ?


----------



## angelpixie

You're still pretty early on in things, SVA, so that 'dead' feeling is pretty normal. Don't worry about it, just do what feels right to you inside and don't let anyone make you feel pressured to do anything til you're sure you're ready.


----------



## angelpixie

Soveryalone said:


> Thanks Angelpixie , been a while since we have talked ( er been a while since you have commented on one of my posts ) hope you are well ?


Had a tough couple of weeks. Some recent things brought up some issues from my relationship with ex that kind of surprised me and set me back a bit. Hopefully on the upswing again, though. 

Thanks for asking.


----------



## Soveryalone

I think part of my apprehension is worrying that if I was to "be" with someone new , I might get ill ? And I am not an expert but I am fairly sure getting ill when , doing that ? its a turn off?


----------



## angelpixie

Soveryalone said:


> I think part of my apprehension is worrying that if I was to "be" with someone new , I might get ill ? And I am not an expert but I am fairly sure getting ill when , doing that ? its a turn off?



Well, I'm pretty sure you can find someone out there with a fetish for that kind of thing, but I don't think that's what you're looking for. :rofl:

Yeah, waiting til you aren't worried about getting ill is probably a good thing.


----------



## Soveryalone

*Had a tough couple of weeks. Some recent things brought up some issues from my relationship with ex that kind of surprised me and set me back a bit. Hopefully on the upswing again, though. 

Thanks for asking*. 

aw I am sorry to hear that  hooray for an upswing , I love em , I just cant seem to keep going in the positive direction EVERY day, and you are quite welcome  you were very kind to me my first weeks on the forum and I will be forever grateful for that :smthumbup:


----------



## Soveryalone

*Well, I'm pretty sure you can find someone out there with a fetish for that kind of thing, but I don't think that's what you're looking for. *


THANKYOU for this :rofl: I literally fell on the ground and began rolling around laughing !!!!!! thanks I really needed a laugh !!! and by the way .... Ew , why are some fetishes so very weird lol


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> You ladies are seriously cracking me up. Wish I knew ya IRL. I have a feeling having a a pow-wow happy hour would be great fun!


It would be awesome! I have belonged to many forums (mostly car/racing ones) that had regular gatherings and it was always a blast. 

Then of course, there's always Facebook...


----------



## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> Good for you for being honest, SVA. We aren't cookie-cutter people. Not all guys are the same, nor are all women the same. No criticism here.


:iagree: I totally agree. Don't do something because it's "the thing" to say or do or because it's expected of you. Do what YOU want to make yourself happy. It's all about knowing yourself and what you want and marching to you own beat. :smthumbup:


----------



## Soveryalone

Owl City - Fireflies - YouTube

<3 this !!!


----------



## Disenchanted

Freak On a Leash said:


> I don't know if you referring to me. 5'2" and in New Jersey.
> 
> I'm going to change the NJ part eventually though.
> 
> *"...And I'm headin' out west sucker...because I wanna be a
> Cowboy baby
> With the top let back and the sunshine shining.." *


No I haven't flown to you yet, lol.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Disenchanted said:


> No I haven't flown to you yet, lol.


Oh ok, so you've actually done the long distance thing? I did that back in the day, with both my first boyfriend and my ex. Not cross country though. This was pre-internet. I know it's more common now with online relationships, etc. 

Well, if you come out to the Jersey Shore give me a holler. I'm always up for hiking, skiing or a concert. Pretty good bar scene too.  There's a lot to like about this area but I've seen it, been there, done it. Time to move on.


----------



## Disenchanted

Thanks Freak!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

You're welcome!


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> This thread just took an extremely interesting turn haha You know , I have been in situations in the past ( the year between serious relationship 1 and number 2 ) and I hear all this talk , blah blah blah, from women who claim to want the whole NSA and honestly , its just not feasible. A few things I have learned in the past , MOST women are quite stubborn and may say they want a NSA no feelings "friendship" however 99.9999999%% of the time once things progress to "that level", something happens inside their brains, and a connection is formed , and feelings just sort of SLOWLY happen and are a byproduct of the sex , I think I met one once who was very insistent about not developing feelings, and it was a "one time thing" ( lol @ that by the way) , and no neither of us did develop feelings for the other, however , it most certainly wasn't a one time thing
> 
> I am all for everyone being happy , getting what it is they desire, but I really believe men and women are completely different when is comes to this. IF you really are perfectly fine with the NSA arrangement and are sure you would never develop feelings ..... you aren't the one for me, because that would be so incredibly attractive and I would be the one to develop feelings !!!



Yep agree with this and found exactly the same. Sorry girls but any tough talkers l've ever known , and there's been a few, all melt down within a few mths. 
They fall in love and it's history.

Think l like it that way though tbh. l've never enjoyed anything non feeling .

lf l hook up again though think l'd just rather live in sin forever though this time.


----------



## Awakening2012

vi_bride04 said:


> Even cabana boys have their faults........


IDK, look at J-Lo, getting with that fine young thang right after dumping her Ex-H. Have you seen his physique, his luscious lips? No one is completely without flaws or faults, so the question is, are they worth a go -- do they bring more to the table than they take or cost? LOL!


----------



## muskrat

Wow, I sure missed an interesting conversation yesterday!

I have been thinking about all this and I believe somewhere in my childhood it was ingrained in me that you shouldn't just "use" women. Somehow I connected an fwb with using her for sex.
At this point I don't really want the whole living together, lives revolving around each other thing. I do however want more than sex. I want someone to do things with sometimes, but not all the time. I want more than just a booty call. lol

In the last 6 months or so I have met 4 women that all seemed content to just be bed buddies. None of them really were what I was looking for though. I just can't picture just calling someone up whenever the "need" arises (lol, pun intended). Without having any other interaction or conversation. These women all seemed like they would be cool with this, but I can't bring myself to call and say "How are you? I know we haven't talked in a few weeks, why don't we meet up and have sex." lol
What I thought I knew about women just prevents me from being like this. I guess I have to relearn everything I thought I knew.


----------



## angelpixie

No, MR, you don't have to necessarily relearn what you knew. You just need to find someone who feels the way you do. I find myself wondering the same things you were just mentioning, lol. Not sure I'd feel comfortable just doing that, either. 

I think we have to realize that it's not 'women' or 'men' that feel or think a certain way. We're all individuals and we all have our _own_ way of looking at relationships and/or sex. Once we get to be OK with who we are and what we think, then we won't be as worried about what everyone else wants and thinks. We'll just hang on til we find someone who meshes with us. *







*And I'm saying this as much to convince myself as to convince you, lol.


----------



## muskrat

I have always thought sex was a special bond shared by two people. This is why I have always steered clear of ONS and women that are willing to jump on the closest penis whenever they feel a little aroused. Of course I always thought women wanted to be loved and respected. To be treated as more than just a play toy.
This is not a jab at anyone here. This is based on my experience over the last few months. It seems most women could care less about who I am as a person and they just view me as a piece of meat.
Either times have changed or I was way of base with how women view sex. Probably a combination of both.
I know I want more than to just be a notch on some women's belt.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> I have always thought sex was a special bond shared by two people. This is why I have always steered clear of ONS and women that are willing to jump on the closest penis whenever they feel a little aroused. Of course I always thought women wanted to be loved and respected. To be treated as more than just a play toy.
> This is not a jab at anyone here. This is based on my experience over the last few months. It seems most women could care less about who I am as a person and they just view me as a piece of meat.
> Either times have changed or I was way of base with how women view sex. Probably a combination of both.
> I know I want more than to just be a notch on some women's belt.


I really do feel times are changing. I was having a conversation with a guy friend who has definitely has his fun with the ladies. I asked him specifically if the younger girls are alot more promiscuous. He said totally. He said just going out in general the girls are alot more aggressive sexually and not really looking for anything but sex. And alot of 20 somethings he has come across have over 15-20 partners...not occasional occurance either. Almost normal. And then I hear from my sisters friends about how guys are wanting to get involved in relationships and not do the FWB thing!

NO idea what is going on. :scratchhead: But looks like women are really starting to enjoy their sexual freedom...lol


----------



## minimalME

I definitely feel like I'm in the minority on this thread. 

Sexual freedom with multiple partners is empty to me. 

I don't like modern dating. As an introvert, it's constant, low level stress. I won't do one night stands or friends with benefits. And I'm not gonna live with anyone.

I know men tend to fantasize about an endless list of companions, but I don't. I just want one man. 

And I would actually love being a sex toy - within a committed, monogamous relationship. 

And I do want to be married again.


----------



## Disenchanted

minimalME said:


> I definitely feel like I'm in the minority on this thread.
> 
> Sexual freedom with multiple partners is empty to me.
> 
> I don't like modern dating. As an introvert, it's constant, low level stress. I won't do one night stands or friends with benefits. And I'm not gonna live with anyone.
> 
> I know men tend to fantasize about an endless list of companions, but I don't. I just want one man.
> 
> And I would actually love being a sex toy - within a committed, monogamous relationship.
> 
> And I do want to be married again.


Like like like like quadruple like


----------



## angelpixie

I'm totally with you, mini'Me with the exception of getting married again -- don't want to do that. I'm an introvert, too, so I fluctuate between being down and fed up with the whole world of dating and then being fed up with the thought of never being in a relationship again. Most of us (I'm assuming) got married because we wanted to have a partner. I have very, very little dating experience, and it was a long time ago and under very different circumstances. Having to learn this all at my age, with all of the changes in attitudes, and coming out of my one LTR in pretty bad straits as far as self-esteem goes...some days I think it all sounds like more stress and potential rejection and heartache than it could possibly be worth.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

muskrat said:


> Somehow I connected an fwb with using her for sex.
> At this point I don't really want the whole living together, lives revolving around each other thing. I do however want more than sex. I want someone to do things with sometimes, but not all the time. I want more than just a booty call. lol.


Well, an FWB is NOT a one night stand or casual sex. It's not a committed relationship. It's a FRIEND that you enjoy hanging with that's into having sex as well. However, there's no commitment involved. No preconceived notions. You don't "expect" anything from each other. 

If you want to hang out with your guy friends and do something with them then your "friend" shouldn't have anything to say about that. Same goes for her. If she wants to go off and do her thing with her gal pals then it's all good. 

That's where the "friend" part comes in. If you tell your buddy that you can't see him next Saturday cuz you are playing poker than it's good. A friend doesn't hassle you and tell you that you don't love him or lay guilt on your for not spending enough time with him. That holds true for a FWB situation. 

Conversely if one of you does meet someone you want to engage in a relationship in and you want to end the "benefits" then you should still be able to be friends afterwards. 

I had this many years ago. I was 23 and broke up with my first boyfriend/fiancée and had an FWB with a friend and it was awesome. Then he got serious with some girl and told me he didn't feel comfortable having sex with me anymore and I said "No problem" and we went back to being friends. We've remained friends to this day. 

Then stupid me had to go and date my ex husband after the FWB ended. Damn...Should've just gone and found another FWB. :slap:

If I met the right guy I'd do a FWB in a second. Tried it once this past spring and it got to be too much so I friend zoned the guy. Sometimes, it works, most times not. The concept is a hard one for most people to grasp and follow. It's either lacking the friendship quality and is basically "casual sex" or "using someone" or someone takes it too far and falls in love with the other person and wants a committed relationship.

While I'd like an FWB what I won't do is a ONS or casual sex. I don't even like to go out with someone that I don't consider a friend. What I've found is that a guy will want to date me and get all serious and pushy without giving me any time to get to know him and develop a FRIENDSHIP first. They want to plunge into the dating/relationship thing, which scares the living crap out of me and pushes me farther away. 

I won't have sex with someone I don't have feelings for, that I can say with absolute certainty. I like to flirt and that's often misunderstood as a willingness to have casual sex. Nothing could be further than the truth.

I have a male friend who regularly dates and it seems that women are always sleeping with him on the first date. I said I would never do that and he seemed surprised. "How long would it take you?" he asked me. I said, "Well, not on the first or third. I'd actually have to feel something. Maybe a few months." He seemed downright amazed by that. 

I'm an extrovert and pretty flamboyant so I guess that's misinterpreted as being willing to sleep with someone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm old fashioned about sex but I have no desire for a LTR either. Fortunately I don't care about dating. I can do it or not do it. Makes no difference to me if I date or not so it's one less thing in my life to worry about or get stressed over. 

I don't want to ever live with anyone again or feel trapped in a relationship. I love being single and living on my own so to me, a FWB seems like the answer. To have a friend (someone I like and trust) and have some fun on the side but to be able to turn and walk away and have my own space. Win-Win. :smthumbup:


----------



## survivorwife

muskrat said:


> Wow, I sure missed an interesting conversation yesterday!
> 
> I have been thinking about all this and I believe somewhere in my childhood it was ingrained in me that you shouldn't just "use" women. Somehow I connected an fwb with using her for sex.
> At this point I don't really want the whole living together, lives revolving around each other thing. I do however want more than sex. I want someone to do things with sometimes, but not all the time. I want more than just a booty call. lol
> 
> In the last 6 months or so I have met 4 women that all seemed content to just be bed buddies. None of them really were what I was looking for though. I just can't picture just calling someone up whenever the "need" arises (lol, pun intended). Without having any other interaction or conversation. These women all seemed like they would be cool with this, but I can't bring myself to call and say "How are you? I know we haven't talked in a few weeks, why don't we meet up and have sex." lol
> What I thought I knew about women just prevents me from being like this. I guess I have to relearn everything I thought I knew.


I hear ya. It seems to me that the "new" definitions in regards to couple is sometimes vague and can easily be misunderstood.

I was under the impression that FWB means that the two people hang out with each other, have sex with other, but are not "committed" to each other, therefore one of them, if attracted to someone else, is free to date others. I'm not clear on why that definition differs from a "booty call" in that I would assume that two people who agree to a "booty call" also communicate with each other before, during and after the "booty". 

That being said, is there a problem with defining ones relationship as a "relationship"? Can two people be monogamous with each other, friends with each other, and still pursue their own interests so long as those interests don't involve a member of the opposite sex?

I agree with you in that casual sex is not for me (too many risks), and yet I certainly want to have sex with someone special who cares about me as a person (and not an object). Do we really have relearn our standards in order to comply with some new way of thinking?


----------



## Jellybeans

Interesting convo. 

I personally prefer to hit the sheets with someone I'm into, in a 'relationship' sort of situation.

But I have a problem with guys/men saying a woman is "too easy" if she wants to have sex/desires them/makes out with them if they were one half of the equation.

So does that make a man easy?

The sl-t-shaming has got to stop. Women are made to feel bad about their sexuality, about having any sexual desire when these "Well she is a wh*re" ideas are adopted. Why is it ok for a guy to do but not a woman? Isn't he equally "sl*tty?" Or "easy" if he also took it bait, line, and sinker? 

Grr. 

Can't two consenting adults be attracted to one another? CONSENTING. 

I personally don't do FWB. Someone usually ends up catching feelings. Plus, it's just not how I roll. I will say though that in college (always college for the fun stories, right?), I did have a FWB. It was a very "evolved" relationship that we had in that we had an understanding: we did not want to "be" together as we were both preoccupied with our individual studies, but we found that we were attracted to one another and it was a lovely way to have someone to, um, cuddle up with. Now, we never slept together, (as in the normal wham-bam sex people have) but we did make out, repeatedly, over the course of our time at the college. We had no expectations beyond that of one another. He later met someone and dated her and I was happy for him because they, frankly, had much more in common with one another than he and I ever did. He was lovely and I always remember him with fondness. He was very generous. 

But with that said, nothing made him "easy" or "moral-less" in my eyes. We were on the same page and it worked out perfectly. I have no idea where he is now, but I bet his wife/partner, if he has one, is very happy. Some men are just so giving. Yee haw!


----------



## Jellybeans

Freak On a Leash said:


> If I met the right guy I'd do a FWB in a second. Tried it once this past spring and it got to be too much so I friend zoned the guy. Sometimes, it works, most times not. The concept is a hard one for most people to grasp and follow.


Agreed. It is a very very different way of thinking and/or a relationship dynamic that has to be understood by both parties. Generally it's not, which is why it doesn't work out most of the time. You have to have two people who truly do not want anything together (romantic-wise) for it to work.

Like my buddy in college, there was also a level of discretion. I wasn't in his face, he wasn't in mine. No kissing and telling. It worked out phenomenally.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> I'm totally with you, mini'Me with the exception of getting married again -- don't want to do that. I'm an introvert, too, so I fluctuate between being down and fed up with the whole world of dating and then being fed up with the thought of never being in a relationship again. Most of us (I'm assuming) got married because we wanted to have a partner. I have very, very little dating experience, and it was a long time ago and under very different circumstances. Having to learn this all at my age, with all of the changes in attitudes, and coming out of my one LTR in pretty bad straits as far as self-esteem goes...some days I think it all sounds like more stress and potential rejection and heartache than it could possibly be worth.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I feel so much like this, too, Angel!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I did have a FWB. It was a very "evolved" relationship that we had in that we had an understanding: we did not want to "be" together as we were both preoccupied with our individual studies, but we found that we were attracted to one another and it was a lovely way to have someone to, um, cuddle up with. Now, we never slept together, (as in the normal wham-bam sex people have) but we did make out, repeatedly, over the course of our time at the college. We had no expectations beyond that of one another.


That's not FWB, it's _prison_ for a man.

Poor guy.


----------



## vi_bride04

Ha hahaha! Why Muskrat, I never knew


----------



## Jellybeans

Gah! I multi-quoted and ended up deleting the wrong name. Sorry, Muskrat!


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> That's not FWB, it's _prison_ for a man.
> 
> Poor guy.


No.

It wasn't a prison. He was equally happy.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmmm FWB sounds alot closer to a relationship than I think I'm willing to go...

Time to slvt it up!!! 

Jelly is totally right. If I was a dude, I would be getting patted on the back and praised for trying "the variety of life".

Double standards. Gotta love 'em.


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> That's not FWB, it's _prison_ for a man.
> 
> Poor guy.



Why?! If it was something he was willingly involved with, and he and Jelly were working within parameters they both decided on, what makes it like prison? Maybe there were reasons he didn't want to go all the way to sex. Sounds like they were both mature about it, to me.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting convo.
> 
> I personally prefer to hit the sheets with someone I'm into, in a 'relationship' sort of situation.
> 
> But I have a problem with guys/men saying a woman is "too easy" if she wants to have sex/desires them/makes out with them if they were one half of the equation.
> 
> So does that make a man easy?
> 
> The sl-t-shaming has got to stop. Women are made to feel bad about their sexuality, about having any sexual desire when these "Well she is a wh*re" ideas are adopted. Why is it ok for a guy to do but not a woman? Isn't he equally "sl*tty?" Or "easy" if he also took it bait, line, and sinker?
> 
> Grr.
> 
> Can't two consenting adults be attracted to one another? CONSENTING.



Exactly!! I'm getting a bit tired of reading the moral outrage that some guys are professing here along the lines of "What's happened to women nowadays?" #1 (and I will keep saying this in various appropriate contexts until SOMEONE finally listens to me, lol) -- it's not 'Women' or 'Men' ever -- neither group is a monolith that thinks and acts in lock-step. *Some *women have changed. *Some* men have changed. Please stop using generalizations.

Grrr.

And if you're going to be sleeping with a woman who likes to have sex with you, stop putting her down! issed:


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> No.
> 
> It wasn't a prison. He was equally happy.


So he said.


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> Why?! If it was something he was willingly involved with, and he and Jelly were working within parameters they both decided on, what makes it like prison? Maybe there were reasons he didn't want to go all the way to sex. Sounds like they were both mature about it, to me.


Maybe he was gay.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Why?! If it was something he was willingly involved with, and he and Jelly were working within parameters they both decided on, what makes it like prison? Maybe there were reasons he didn't want to go all the way to sex. Sounds like they were both mature about it, to me.


Exactly. But notice how Dis said it was a "prison." Heh. We were super mature about it and totally on the same page. And that is why it worked the entire time it did. How many other "FWB" can say that?



angelpixie said:


> Exactly!! I'm getting a bit tired of reading the moral outrage that some guys are professing here along the lines of "What's happened to women nowadays?" #1 (and I will keep saying this in various appropriate contexts until SOMEONE finally listens to me, lol) -- it's not 'Women' or 'Men' ever -- neither group is a monolith that thinks and acts in lock-step. *Some *women have changed. *Some* men have changed. Please stop using generalizations.
> 
> Grrr.
> 
> *And if you're going to be sleeping with a woman who likes to have sex with you, stop putting her down!* issed:


Preach!

:iagree:

Like, "That chick is such an easy piece, a [email protected], a wh*re" oh but right, you banged her/hooked up with her/made out with her so.....what does that say about YOU? 

Sheesh. 

What's good for the goose.


----------



## vi_bride04

Its ok for guys to stick it in whoever and whenever possible and be seen as upping his sex status. But if a girl spreads her legs just for pleasure stay away from that crazy wh0re! LOL


----------



## jpr

I will be the first to admit, that I have tried on quite a few hats over the past year. 

...and I don't regret any of the hats. 

I had pretty close to a "No-Strings-Attached" relationship, but eventually I got a little lazy and just didn't end it when I should have. Ultimately, NSA is not what I want. For the time being, it was nice....but, after a while, it was just not fulfilling. ...and I was trying to sort of talk myself into a relationship with someone whom I really didn't like to spend THAT much time with. ....and I finally realized that my 'casual' relationship was holding me back from finding something better and more fulfilling. 

As a female, I can have sex with a man and not get all ooey-gooey inside. Sometimes sex is just sex. Sometimes you just want to try on a hat and see how it feels. ...and as long as no one is intentionally misleading anyone, I don't see a problem with that.

...now, if you would have asked me this question 20 years ago, there is NO WAY that I would have thought that I could have sex with someone without being in a committed relationship with him first. 

I played by 'the rules' for the first 36 years of my life...and things didn't go as planned. I have learned that there is no script for life....sometimes you just need to shut down your brain, feel things, and live your life.


----------



## vi_bride04

I love you, JPR


----------



## jpr

vi_bride04 said:


> I love you, JPR


The feeling is mutual.


----------



## badcompany

minimalME said:


> I definitely feel like I'm in the minority on this thread.
> 
> Sexual freedom with multiple partners is empty to me.
> 
> I don't like modern dating. As an introvert, it's constant, low level stress. I won't do one night stands or friends with benefits. And I'm not gonna live with anyone.
> 
> I know men tend to fantasize about an endless list of companions, but I don't. I just want one man.
> 
> And I would actually love being a sex toy - within a committed, monogamous relationship.
> 
> And I do want to be married again.


Glad to see there are still some of us out there.:smthumbup:


----------



## Disenchanted

There are underlying physiological drives that can not be undone, all the feminism and equal rights bullsh!t aside.

Males do not like the fact that they have to compete in order to "spread their seed" but it's a fact of nature. So because of this, "loose women" or a woman who physiologically is more likely to offer competitors a chance to impregnate her is a natural turn off.

Females on the other hand do not have this issue. Historically a female had to depend on a male for protection and security. This was what attracted a female to any particular male. Sometimes the male just took what he wanted and the female would either submit or die (this still happens in the animal kingdom).

A male still has the same underlying goals as he always has, to spread his seed as far and wide as possible. This is not a conscious decision on his part.

Women on the other hand no longer look to a strong male counterpart for security and safety, modern society has all but eliminated this role for males. 

So while a woman is free to do as she pleases with little to no societal backlash anymore (she's a "liberated" woman) this behavior does nothing in attracting a male mate. 

A promiscuous male is inherently attractive to females, while a promiscuous female is inherently unattractive to a male.

It's just nature.


----------



## jpr

I don't know, Disenchanted. :scratchhead:

...I think you are over-complicating this. 

To each his own. If it's not your thing, then it is not your thing. But, keep in mind--not everyone is like you. 

While I would not consider myself promiscuous,  I will say that I have learned a lot from trying on 'hats'...I have learned a lot about myself, and what I like, and what I want, and what I can tolerate. I've enjoyed myself, and so have my 'hats'.  

I have learned a lot of skills too...and I will say that my current hat seems to be enjoying me sharing my knowledge with him. 



...just relax. And enjoy life. Live within your boundaries, and have some fun. ...but, please...please refrain from judging other who are living a life with different boundaries than your own. ...and recognize that not everyone is controlled by such primal axioms.


----------



## minimalME

jpr said:


> As a female, I can have sex with a man and not get all ooey-gooey inside. Sometimes sex is just sex.


Oh, I'm quite guilty of the ooey-gooey. 

And sex for me is _never_ just sex.


----------



## badcompany

My first experience amounted to getting "pushed" together with a girl at a party by some of my guy friends to lose my V-card, and what I felt was not what I expected at all. After that "I knew what I needed", if you know what I mean?


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> I have learned that there is no script for life....


I love this. So much. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> There are underlying physiological drives that can not be undone, all the feminism and equal rights bullsh!t aside.
> 
> Males do not like the fact that they have to compete in order to "spread their seed" but it's a fact of nature. So because of this, "loose women" or a woman who physiologically is more likely to offer competitors a chance to impregnate her is a natural turn off.
> 
> Females on the other hand do not have this issue. Historically a female had to depend on a male for protection and security. This was what attracted a female to any particular male. Sometimes the male just took what he wanted and the female would either submit or die (this still happens in the animal kingdom).
> 
> A male still has the same underlying goals as he always has, to spread his seed as far and wide as possible. This is not a conscious decision on his part.
> 
> Women on the other hand no longer look to a strong male counterpart for security and safety, modern society has all but eliminated this role for males.
> 
> So while a woman is free to do as she pleases with little to no societal backlash anymore (she's a "liberated" woman) this behavior does nothing in attracting a male mate.
> 
> A promiscuous male is inherently attractive to females, while a promiscuous female is inherently unattractive to a male.
> 
> It's just nature.



Really?? 'Spreading seed'?? This is the 21st century CE, for god's sake. We should have evolved beyond this by now. 

For one, I'm not attracted to a promiscuous male. I find inherent trust issues as far as safety is concerned (STDs, namely), and also since I do need somewhat of an emotional connection for sex, I have a hard time trusting that a promiscuous male is telling me the truth if he says he has feelings for me. 

And do I detect a bit of bitterness ("feminism and equal rights bullsh!t") that women are not as dependent on men as they used to be? Maybe it takes away a bit of overall male control and weakens the imperative of that whole 'seed spreading' thing?  

And yes, despite the actions of many, I do believe that men can consciously decide whether or not to 'spread his seed'. That's what evolved brains are for.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I don't give a crap about "competing"....... I say "bring it". All people have different tastes. I just have to be the best me possible. I do love the chase. SO MUCH FUN! Any guy who doesn't like to compete, needs to evaluate where he is and what he needs to do to not be lazy.

But, I don't do the fwb thing. Tried, didn't work. It creates attachment and screws with your emotional core too much for my tastes. Of course, I haven't had a dry spell since my divorce. Divorce has been quite "rewarding". lol


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> I played by 'the rules' for the first 36 years of my life...and things didn't go as planned. * I have learned that there is no script for life...*.sometimes you just need to shut down your brain, feel things, and live your life.


Even the cheater's script?? :scratchhead: lol

I know I need to shut down my brain right now and just live again. I do like this advice quite a bit. 

Time to go hat shopping...lol


----------



## COGypsy

Disenchanted said:


> There are underlying physiological drives that can not be undone, all the feminism and equal rights bullsh!t aside.
> 
> Males do not like the fact that they have to compete in order to "spread their seed" but it's a fact of nature. So because of this, "loose women" or a woman who physiologically is more likely to offer competitors a chance to impregnate her is a natural turn off.
> 
> Females on the other hand do not have this issue. Historically a female had to depend on a male for protection and security. This was what attracted a female to any particular male. Sometimes the male just took what he wanted and the female would either submit or die (this still happens in the animal kingdom).
> 
> A male still has the same underlying goals as he always has, to spread his seed as far and wide as possible. This is not a conscious decision on his part.
> 
> Women on the other hand no longer look to a strong male counterpart for security and safety, modern society has all but eliminated this role for males.
> 
> So while a woman is free to do as she pleases with little to no societal backlash anymore (she's a "liberated" woman) this behavior does nothing in attracting a male mate.
> 
> A promiscuous male is inherently attractive to females, while a promiscuous female is inherently unattractive to a male.
> 
> It's just nature.


The idea of being slave to some sort of nebulous evolutionary impulse is about as outdated as the idea that you'll go to hell for having sex for anything besides procreation.

I would instead present my comparatively large (compared to most of the animal kingdom) brain, my forward facing eyes that have no need to constantly scan for predators and my bipedal stance as evidence that evolution has also granted me the ability to select my mate (for whatever length of time) based on individual qualities rather than any seed he may have spread or his potential as a bodyguard.

Frankly, I'm just more a room service and wine girl than bearskin and cave drawing sort of girl...


----------



## jpr

Sometimes I think we all just take this dating game a little too seriously.

I understand why...I mean. A lot of us have been burned, and a lot of us feel we made mistakes in our last relationships. But, c'mon. Poop happens. ....you live and learn....but make sure you LIVE. 

Dating can be fun. It is fun to meet people (and by meeting I don't mean sleep around). It is just fun to listen to other people's stories and learn a thing or two. It is fun to explore new places and new restaurants and foods. 

It is just fun to have a drink with someone you barely know sometimes....without judgement. If you open your mind to new people and new experiences, life can be so much more enriching. 

...and when you fall for someone...well...that is fun too.


----------



## angelpixie

COGypsy said:


> The idea of being slave to some sort of nebulous evolutionary impulse is about as outdated as the idea that you'll go to hell for having sex for anything besides procreation.
> 
> I would instead present my comparatively large (compared to most of the animal kingdom) brain, my forward facing eyes that have no need to constantly scan for predators and my bipedal stance as evidence that evolution has also granted me the ability to select my mate (for whatever length of time) based on individual qualities rather than any seed he may have spread or his potential as a bodyguard.
> 
> Frankly, I'm just more a room service and wine girl than bearskin and cave drawing sort of girl...


:smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> For one, I'm not attracted to a promiscuous male. I find inherent trust issues as far as safety is concerned (STDs, namely), and also since I do need somewhat of an emotional connection for sex, I have a hard time trusting that a promiscuous male is telling me the truth if he says he has feelings for me.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

This is totally how I feel. I have a friend who sleeps around and is a bit of a womanizer. While I like him as a friend I would NEVER date him or trust him in a relationship. He likes to flirt with me but I could never sleep with a guy knowing he's "spread his seed" among everyone who is the various meetup groups in my area. 

But he's fun to have a laugh and a drink with.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

jpr said:


> Dating can be fun. It is fun to meet people (and by meeting I don't mean sleep around). It is just fun to listen to other people's stories and learn a thing or two. It is fun to explore new places and new restaurants and foods.
> 
> It is just fun to have a drink with someone you barely know sometimes....without judgement. If you open your mind to new people and new experiences, life can be so much more enriching.


I'm with you on this. Problem is I've tried to do the "casual, fun dating stuff" but the guy either wants to jump right into something serious with regards to a LTR, have sex right away or just never follows up after expressing interest. 

But when I'm asked "Do you date?" I say, "Sure, I love to go out and have a good time". 

But that doesn't mean I want to marry you or sleep with you or even suck face with you. Can't we just be friends first? :scratchhead:


----------



## muskrat

Seems I am always late for the lively discussions. lol

As for the double standard stuff. I am not promiscuous and would not want to date a promiscuous woman. As far as being friends, well as friends I could care less who you sleep with.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

muskrat said:


> Seems I am always late for the lively discussions. lol


I'm late too. I don't get home from work til 9pm and do not have access to a computer at work. Good thing or I'd never get any work done!


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't give a crap about "competing"....... I say "bring it". All people have different tastes. I just have to be the best me possible. I do love the chase. SO MUCH FUN! Any guy who doesn't like to compete, needs to evaluate where he is and what he needs to do to not be lazy.
> 
> Don't see why , l've never competed yet l don't need reevaluate a thing. lf l was interested in her and she knows it , yet someone else start hanging around her then she better point herself to me if l'm the one she's into because l'm not there for her ego !
> Can't say as l've ever chased either , although l guess really , we'd have to define chase.
> But like l wouldn't call anything l've ever done chasing.
> lt's funny really but l ask or whatever it was at the time once , and it's game over and l'm moving on if she says no. Been like that since l was a kid.
> 
> But l'm choosey to about who l'd approach and to me it should be ticking over mutually anyway or there's nothin there and you usually know that around each other so . like l like to feel she's into me , if l can't feel that then l don't want her anyway you know.
> You have to be into each other or what have you got ? You can't fake that or create it or hope it just grows , it's something that needs to be there naturally .


----------



## whitehawk

Hang on , l did chase once. Loretta , l was 13 and she was 12 and she was the only girl in our area that already had tits. And not only but they were huge , l just had to havem 
Chased her for mths along with every other boy for miles , no go, heartbreaking 
l swear her parents had to start keeping her in :scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

whitehawk said:


> Hang on , l did chase once. Loretta , l was 13 and she was 12 and she was the only girl in our area that already had tits. And not only but they were huge , l just had to havem
> Chased her for mths along with every other boy for miles , no go, heartbreaking
> l swear her parents had to start keeping her in :scratchhead:


Ahhhh, young teen sexual harrassment...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Competing does not equal chasing, hawk. You, as a guy, compete every day. Not liking competition as a male is definitely cause for reevaluation. The best girls are usually hard work. You don't chase, but be sure as heck they are going to hide their feelings for a WHILE (if they are worth their salt). One's that put it out there....AVOID.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

No l don't mean easy , there's a difference but yep , been thinking about all this and now with the way you put it here , your right in a way.
Cept for the reevaluation. On that one l've always had and chosen you could say a much better run and tastes in good women than most, wouldn't change a thing . 
But that's more l suppose a bit of a technicality because as you put it here , yeah in that way l have chased , well apart from Loretta  .

An old gf , but l could still see between the lines and her wisecracks , defenses , that she was into me , that's the sort of difference l was looking for. Could say that was a chase but l still knew .

So you got an example for us or what !


----------



## Soveryalone

just got caught up on the thread , now my mind is spinning and I think I shall have some wine


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Soveryalone said:


> just got caught up on the thread , now my mind is spinning and I think I shall have some wine


Great fricken idea. I think I'll join you.


----------



## Soveryalone

phew I was nearly drinking alone, Thanks !!!


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> just got caught up on the thread , now my mind is spinning and I think I shall have some wine




Got yaself a spinning head there S :smthumbup:

Hey good news , shortened my last one :lol: , as usual l took the lonnnggg way round trying to explain something


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Soveryalone said:


> phew I was nearly drinking alone, Thanks !!!


What you got? I am drinking some black cherry honey wine


----------



## Soveryalone

I have ... some white Zin and some red , I prefer the white


----------



## Soveryalone

Lol whitehawk its cool man , it wasn't just your post , I got caught up on all posts and.... life , relationships , FWB, ONS's , easy women, less easy women , all of this stuff has my mind spinning and I wonder how I have survived for 37 years on this earth


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Soveryalone said:


> I have ... some white Zin and some red , I prefer the white


Got any cheese to go with that wine? Lmao 

I actually have some gouda and cheddar made from raw milk


----------



## Soveryalone

I have some cheese , some sort of expensive cheddar blend or something


----------



## muskrat

Woohooo, I made it in time for the party!!!!

I'll take a shot of Yukon, I have never been much of a wine enthusiast.


----------



## Soveryalone

I was always a whiskey man myself, but in the last few months , I have acquired a taste for wine, just need to try a few different types etc ( I always used to say the same exact thing as you )


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> Woohooo, I made it in time for the party!!!!
> 
> I'll take a shot of Yukon, I have never been much of a wine enthusiast.


Yukon??



Is that some sort of moonshine, MountainMan?


----------



## muskrat

Truth be told I haven't drank at all since D-day, except for one wild weekend. 
Maybe it is time for me to start getting my drink on. lol


----------



## Soveryalone

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yukon_Jack_(liqueur)

Yukon ^^


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Yukon??
> 
> 
> 
> Is that some sort of moonshine, MountainMan?



Yukon Jack, it is a whiskey. If you ever had a snakebite, then you have had Yukon.


If it is shine that you want, I can hook you up. I think it would be fun to watch you drink a little white lightning.


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> Yukon Jack, it is a whiskey. If you ever had a snakebite, then you have had Yukon.
> 
> 
> If it is shine that you want, I can hook you up. I think it would be fun to watch you drink a little white lightning.


This girl can hold her liquor.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> This girl can hold her liquor.


Ohhhh, it is on now.

When I was 21, my high school sweetheart and I broke up (another cheater). Well I made the barroom my friend. I was all state in the barroom Olympics. I was sort of a half-azzed mixoligist and on a good night I could down a 1/4 barrel myself.

The last person who told me they could out drink me, well we went shot for shot and beer for beer. I ended up carrying him out to his truck so he could sleep (he passed out) and I went back in for more.
Of course, this was all years ago and like I said except for 1 weekend I have not drank at all in the last 3 years. I am a happy, crazy and fun as heck drunk though.


----------



## jpr

hahaha. Awesome.

You probably could out-liquor me. However, I bet I could out-beer you.



I am a pretty fun drunk---at least I think so. Hahaha.


----------



## muskrat

on my one drunk weekend I got 3 ladies numbers, I must have been a fun drunk. lol

Beer is my number 1 drink. Good luck and bottoms up!

Please don't tell me you drink light beer? (low alcohol content)


----------



## jpr

I'll drink any beer....as long as it's cold.


----------



## muskrat

I am more of an Ale or Pilsner guy myself, Lager never agreed with me. If I had to choose a beer, I would go with any Canadian beer. Those folks up north know how to make some good suds, eh.


----------



## muskrat

SVL, VI and WH, where'd ya'll go? JPR and I are ready to turn this place into Animal house! lol


----------



## muskrat

I like beer, it makes me a jolly good fellow
I like beer it helps me unwind and sometimes it makes me feel mellow.
Whiskey's to rough, champagne costs to much and vodka puts my mouth in gear.
This little refrain should help me explain as a matter of fact I love beer.

This is a song I used to sing karaoke in bars. Originally by Tom T. Hall


----------



## angelpixie

Here ya go, MR. Have a few, then record yourself singing for us, and post the link. I dare ya. 

Vocaroo | Online voice recorder


----------



## vi_bride04

Hahahaha!!! Sorry I was on the phone with my gf and doing dishes.....

Gonna go run around with the dogs in the basement in a second. Almost out of wine..... 

I do have a couple of beers but they are IPAs (BLECK!!)

Reds are my favorite style of beer 

But I think I may break into the IPA anyways....

Oh I have music blasting too......fun times at the house of VI


----------



## Disenchanted

IPA is the best beer Mmmmm


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Here ya go, MR. Have a few, then record yourself singing for us, and post the link. I dare ya.
> 
> Vocaroo | Online voice recorder


Will do, just let me get drunk first. 

You all may want to get drunk before you listen. :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Will do, just let me get drunk first.
> 
> You all may want to get drunk before you listen. :rofl:


Getting there.....lol


----------



## Disenchanted

shots of tequila up in here


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> shots of tequila up in here


Ahhhh shots of tequila.....

Last fall/winter I was doing 5-7 shots on a work night by myself a few times a week....

GOOD TIMES!!!


----------



## muskrat

Tequila makes my clothes fall off and that is bad for anyone in eye site of me.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Oh man, I vacant this thread to do a workout and look what I come back too..A bunch of drinking and partying! :smthumbup:

Tequila! I got sick on that back when I was dating my ex and can't take that stuff. :insert puke symbol: I can't stand most hard liquor but love doing shots of Fireball whisky. Tastes like a red hot! 

I love white Barefoot white zinfandel wine and can drink a bottle and then some in one sitting. I gotta watch that! White zin is my drink of choice most times cuz it tastes great and doesn't bloat me up. 

A cold beer is wonderful on a hot summer day and Blue Moon is my favorite. Unfortunately it takes a few beers before I even start to feel anything..

For such a small person I can hold my liquor pretty well. I'm happy and fun drunk so I've been told! :toast: :yay:


----------



## angelpixie

Muskrat!! What happened? I waited and waited for you to post your song!


----------



## Soveryalone

me +shots of Tequila = making really horrible but equally fun decisions , by the way hey Angelpixie  how are you today ?


----------



## Disenchanted

Two shot sof tequila tonight, then on to my regular favorite, scotch baby.

After a two week hiatus from drinking this scotch tastes mighty fine.


----------



## Soveryalone

something about drinking whiskey straight really makes me feel manly


----------



## angelpixie

Soveryalone said:


> me +shots of Tequila = making really horrible but equally fun decisions , by the way hey Angelpixie  how are you today ?



As I'm posting on here on a Friday night, I'm obviously still single. :rofl: Doing alright, SVA. Sitting down to watch a movie and have a little wine and dinner. How about you?


----------



## Disenchanted

Where in Vermont are you SVA? 

I was in the Burlington area not long ago, it was great. Vermont seems to be almost as cool as Washington.

Lol.


----------



## Soveryalone

Angelpixie, I am sitting here watching water get ready to boil, no wine sadly , oh what a glamorous life I lead <sigh>

Disenchanted -I am in a small town about 1 hour south of Burlington called Wallingford


----------



## Soveryalone

freak on a leash !!! Blue moon ??? cmon you can do better than blue moon !!!


----------



## Soveryalone

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, I started happy hour 2 hours early, just because its one of those days. With each day that passes that I remain single , I cant help but feel more and more intelligent


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Soveryalone said:


> I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, I started happy hour 2 hours early, just because its one of those days. With each day that passes that I remain single , I cant help but feel more and more intelligent


Amen!!!! 

At a local festival walking distance from my friends house. Gonna get nice and toasty later and check out an 80s tribute band. Should be fun.


----------



## Disenchanted

I got a hot party in a trendy club downtown tonight, so I'm gonna put off drinking till I get there. Gotta be in good form!

Enjoy without me though folks!


----------



## Soveryalone

Sunday 222 pm , and I am already drinking , what the f_ck......


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Soveryalone said:


> Sunday 222 pm , and I am already drinking , what the f_ck......


Me too! After partying pretty good last night. Cheers!!


----------



## Soveryalone

I think I had too much rum this weekend, my stomach is angry at me !! anyways, I hope everyone has a great week, hey anyone use yahoo messenger on here ? if so feel free to add me
[email protected] :smthumbup:

for the yahoo name there is an underscore that got sort of blocked out cuz of the email link so its - *Serendipity_076 *at yahoo


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> I think I had too much rum this weekend, my stomach is angry at me !! anyways, I hope everyone has a great week, hey anyone use yahoo messenger on here ? if so feel free to add me
> [email protected] :smthumbup:
> 
> for the yahoo name there is an underscore that got sort of blocked out cuz of the email link so its - *Serendipity_076 *at yahoo


S , explain messenger to me will ya and hey , give me the dummy version  !
l have never ever used it . No clue what your suppose to do with it or what it can do , how to use it.


----------



## Soveryalone

Whitehawk, yahoo is just an email/messenger service, its free to download yahoo messenger, free chat software, yahoo chat, yahoo talk, yahoo messenger 2012 , you can chat with friends, via text, video, voice, much like Skype, I have several friends who use it and they asked me to download it as well.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man.....Yahoo Messenger...the good ole' days....

Used to use that in my younger years....that and the Yahoo Chat rooms. Got into nothing but trouble!! LOL


----------



## Soveryalone

heh, Ye I never actually tried the yahoo chatrooms, but I used to be in AOL / America online chat rooms , years ago, that's where I met my Ex fiancé actually  right after my breakup , I discovered ICQ chat, I have met some really cool people on there, yes a few loon's of course , but you can meet a loon anywhere , online/ offline


----------



## vi_bride04

OH MAN...AOL...holy crap....what memories...hahaha

I got rid of my webcam after that phase and haven't bought one since!


----------



## Soveryalone

well I actually thought I made several really terrific lifelong friends from AOL, and really thought I was going to marry my Ex who I met on there, but oh well  Ye after going through my very first breakup at age 24-25 ish I started going to AOL , wonder what my life would be like right now had I never started, member that AOL connection sound on dial up hehe


----------



## vi_bride04

It's a shame people even a few years younger than me will never have to experience the painful wait of dial up Lmao

Now THAT was surfing....ha ha ha


----------



## Soveryalone

AOL 90's Internet Dial Up Sounds - YouTube

here ya go ^^
ye , for real , I am 37 and from time to time I mention AOL to people who are in their mid 20's and they have no clue what I am talking about


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Soveryalone said:


> here ya go ^^
> ye , for real , I am 37 and from time to time I mention AOL to people who are in their mid 20's and they have no clue what I am talking about


My brother is 29 and barely has an idea


----------



## Soveryalone

Guess today is one of those days, sorry to post this here but I haven't really been posting on my original thread lately because it makes me sick to my stomach, but after feeling like I have made so much progress, 3 and a 1/2 months since me and my ex split up , I sit here today missing her so very badly. cant quite get a grasp on the whole stages of grief I suppose, I was feeling better and better each week, starting to think about her less and less, but today I don't know why, just cant stop thinking about her, not about who she is now, but who she was when we fell in love and I really do miss that person so very much, anyways


----------



## Disenchanted

now you can have two threads that make you sick to your stomach, lol


----------



## Soveryalone

*now you can have two threads that make you sick to your stomach, lol *

:rofl: indeed !!! although this thread seems to be more fun, I have had some laughs


----------



## Garry2012

Soveryalone said:


> Guess today is one of those days, sorry to post this here but I haven't really been posting on my original thread lately because it makes me sick to my stomach, but after feeling like I have made so much progress, 3 and a 1/2 months since me and my ex split up , I sit here today missing her so very badly. cant quite get a grasp on the whole stages of grief I suppose, I was feeling better and better each week, starting to think about her less and less, but today I don't know why, just cant stop thinking about her, not about who she is now, but who she was when we fell in love and I really do miss that person so very much, anyways


I think its an ebb and flow, but on average you think of the ex less. I catch myself thinking of all the "good times" etc, but then I make myself think of the last couple years when all she wanted was other mens attention, hated being home etc. Think about what you DIDNT have with her. I am hardly an expert, but it works for me.


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> Guess today is one of those days, sorry to post this here but I haven't really been posting on my original thread lately because it makes me sick to my stomach, but after feeling like I have made so much progress, 3 and a 1/2 months since me and my ex split up , I sit here today missing her so very badly. cant quite get a grasp on the whole stages of grief I suppose, I was feeling better and better each week, starting to think about her less and less, but today I don't know why, just cant stop thinking about her, not about who she is now, but who she was when we fell in love and I really do miss that person so very much, anyways



Thanks for the messenger stuff S . Do people still do the yahoo club thing ?
l was in some great clubs, made some great friends in those too.

But yep , welcome to the roller coaster of hell S . We're 10 mths now and l've pretty well had tears swelling in and out this last few wks again . Yet l thought l was ok 4-5 mths ago and about 10 times since.
l really so miss the person l use to love too , and our little family.
lt's so strange though. Like l was over there tonight seeing my d and x looked like the same x l last knew and lived with over our last few yrs together. That was the x that made me go distant in the first place .
l hadn't really seen much of the x l loved and married for our last 4 or 5 yrs.


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> Sunday 222 pm , and I am already drinking , what the f_ck......



Hey , wtf nothin - your a free man now , you can have a drink whenever the hell you damn well please :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> well I actually thought I made several really terrific lifelong friends from AOL, and really thought I was going to marry my Ex who I met on there, but oh well  Ye after going through my very first breakup at age 24-25 ish I started going to AOL , wonder what my life would be like right now had I never started, member that AOL connection sound on dial up hehe



Funny you should say that. Just the other night l was thinking , the net has basically wrecked my life , true story.
l blame it for a lot of very unhealthy changes in my life . 
For example , l use to have real life friends, that came over , talked , had a drink with , partied with . 
lt also took a lot of time from my marriage.
lt's costed me big in work and earnings too, l use to do around 100% better financially using local papers for my work and it was about 50 times less stressful with a few phone calls than 100s of emails, texts and then l still end up having to do those few phones at the end anyway.
l've been thinking of giving the net up altogether actually , trying going back to llife without it for awhile- and hey , including dating bloody sites .


----------



## Soveryalone

thanks guys appreciate the support, yea , I have been trying to focus on all the negative crap, and focusing on the last couple years and such when we had grown so vastly apart, but the other day I don't know why, I was just thinking back to when her and I first met and started really missing who she used to be. Guess I need to accept the fact people can drastically change from age 20-30 huh? Maybe if I ever do get involved again she will be in her 30's, and know exactly what she wants and wont go through that drastic change? it never hurts to have dreams haha

Yea whitehawk I agree with you about the net, but lately , and this really isn't ideal but it is what it is, a lot of my friends, a lot of the people I talk to are online, I have tried to go out and meet people in person in the new state I am living in but its just not seeming to work. And whether it be online or offline, I would rather have some sort of friends to communicate with.


----------



## Jellybeans

Soveryalone said:


> Guess I need to accept the fact people can drastically change from age 20-30 huh?


100% yes. I met exH when I was in my early 20s and we divorced when I was 30. I was not at all the same person anymore. Or rather, I was a different person. I finally felt like a woman.


----------



## Soveryalone

Well that's comforting to know that I wasn't just speculating Jellybeans, so of course no relationship is 100%% guaranteed to work out, but getting involved with someone who is around 30 ( I am 37) is probably a good idea, in terms or maybe having some long term success ?


----------



## Jellybeans

Soveryalone said:


> Well that's comforting to know that I wasn't just speculating Jellybeans, so of course no relationship is 100%% guaranteed to work out, but getting involved with someone who is around 30 ( I am 37) is probably a good idea, in terms or maybe having some long term success ?


It's not a numbers thing, it's a compatibility thing.

But I will say, early 20s me was not as grounded as current early 30s me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Soveryalone said:


> Well that's comforting to know that I wasn't just speculating Jellybeans, so of course no relationship is 100%% guaranteed to work out, but getting involved with someone who is around 30 ( I am 37) is probably a good idea, in terms or maybe having some long term success ?


Age really is a smaller factor on long term success. Long term success largely depends on having two healthy individuals who are happy with who they are and not only love someone, but accept them. The secret to long term love is both people being with someone that makes them feel good about being them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Soveryalone

jellybeans thanks for the reply, just curious when you say you early 20's you was not as grounded as early 30's you, I assume you mean, now you are much more in tune with yourself? You know more precisely what it is you want/ don't want in life / in love etc etc ? I guess both men and women in their 20's are still growing up, getting into their careers , perhaps getting into their first serious relationship, etc etc and going through a whole lot of changes. I know the 25 year old me cared far less about having meaningful ,adult conversations than the current me does


----------



## Soveryalone

*Age really is a smaller factor on long term success. Long term success largely depends on having two healthy individuals who are happy with who they are and not only love someone, but accept them. The secret to long term love is both people being with someone that makes them feel good about being them*
:iagree:

I totally agree with you, and I think long term love is very much about 2 healthy people coming together who not only accept each other, flaws and all, but also strive to become better people. I think when you really love someone they bring out the best in you, and your love brings out the best in them. Of course I am not speaking from personal experience sadly, but it comes from an extremely reliable source ( my sister) :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Soveryalone said:


> jellybeans thanks for the reply, just curious when you say you early 20's you was not as grounded as early 30's you, I assume you mean, now you are much more in tune with yourself? You know more precisely what it is you want/ don't want in life / in love etc etc ?


Absolutely. I feel like a woman now. Like, a legit woman. I feel better, happier, more grounded, more mature, more sure about what I want/don't want and more... adult-like. Lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

If I could stay in my early-mid 30s the rest of my life I would!


----------



## Soveryalone

lol jellybeans , cool thanks !! Ye I know its most certainly not about "age" and all about being compatible , but I guess if I met someone who was say 25 ish , and someone who was 35 ish , and I was equally compatible with them both , it would be in my best interest to go with the 35 year old, I am thinking


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> thanks guys appreciate the support, yea , I have been trying to focus on all the negative crap, and focusing on the last couple years and such when we had grown so vastly apart, but the other day I don't know why, I was just thinking back to when her and I first met and started really missing who she used to be. Guess I need to accept the fact people can drastically change from age 20-30 huh? Maybe if I ever do get involved again she will be in her 30's, and know exactly what she wants and wont go through that drastic change? it never hurts to have dreams haha
> 
> Yea whitehawk I agree with you about the net, but lately , and this really isn't ideal but it is what it is, a lot of my friends, a lot of the people I talk to are online, I have tried to go out and meet people in person in the new state I am living in but its just not seeming to work. And whether it be online or offline, I would rather have some sort of friends to communicate with.


Yeah l know S and my sitch would be even worse without it too . The nets really been my savior through all this and it's all l can afford right now too.
And then there's things like this place, like how else could we mix with so many going through the same , not to mention all the info and help.


----------



## survivorwife

vi_bride04 said:


> If I could stay in my early-mid 30s the rest of my life I would!


If you think mid-30s is great, wait until you hit mid-40s my friend. It's even better. 

Mid-40s gives you maturity, life experience and confidence more so than your 30s. While in your 40s you are headed in the direction of your "golden years" and yet you "peak" at a level where you are at the prime of your life. Much is expected from you and you are physically and emotionally confident enough to meet those expectations.

I'm in my 50s now and, if I were to chose to go back in time, would take the 40s over any other age. Having said that, it wasn't THAT long ago, and I'm not over the hill yet so I can still enjoy most of the benefits of my 40s even at 50 something.


----------



## Jellybeans

survivorwife said:


> If you think mid-30s is great, wait until you hit mid-40s my friend. It's even better.
> 
> Mid-40s gives you maturity, life experience and confidence more so than your 30s. While in your 40s you are headed in the direction of your "golden years" and yet you "peak" at a level where you are at the prime of your life. Much is expected from you and you are physically and emotionally confident enough to meet those expectations.


Awesome! My grandmother has always told me that the best life decade is the 40s. I can't wait!


----------



## angelpixie

A Friday laugh for us all:


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man....that is hilarious!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

angelpixie said:


> A Friday laugh for us all:


Yep, I laughed.. Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Good one, angel!


----------



## hope4family

Soveryalone said:


> thanks guys appreciate the support, yea , I have been trying to focus on all the negative crap, and focusing on the last couple years and such when we had grown so vastly apart, but the other day I don't know why, I was just thinking back to when her and I first met and started really missing who she used to be. Guess I need to accept the fact people can drastically change from age 20-30 huh? Maybe if I ever do get involved again she will be in her 30's, and know exactly what she wants and wont go through that drastic change? it never hurts to have dreams haha
> 
> Yea whitehawk I agree with you about the net, but lately , and this really isn't ideal but it is what it is, a lot of my friends, a lot of the people I talk to are online, I have tried to go out and meet people in person in the new state I am living in but its just not seeming to work. And whether it be online or offline, I would rather have some sort of friends to communicate with.


Find something you really want to do. Join a club, be it poetry, dancing, bowling, whatever. 

Expand slowly. If things don't go well one night, dont force it, just relax and try going again. It's not supposed to be easy. Just stay positive and things will happen.

At age 29, it took about 6 months for me to find friends that are healthy, stable, and worth it. But now, I have a hobby, and new friends. I am thinking of picking up one more hobby soon and seeing what happens as time moves on in that area as well.


----------



## angelpixie

WTH is it with me and grocery stores?! I just walked up to the one right by my house to pick up a Redbox movie to watch with DS tonight, but then I ended up seeing a few great deals, lol. So, the guy was bagging the stuff up for me, and asked if I needed help getting it to my car. I said "No thanks, I'm walking" He smiles and says "I'll carry them home if you don't live too far."  (He was young and cute, too  ) WTH???


----------



## Soveryalone

Well, I don't know about you whitehawk, but when I get involved again, I really hope its for life and I think using the web allows me to meet SOOOOOOOOO many different women , from all over the globe, no way in hell could I meet as many women , as many different types of women without the net, and the more women I get to know, the better chances of finding a good match and compatibility


----------



## Soveryalone

*"I'll carry them home if you don't live too far." (He was young and cute, too ) WTH???*

:smthumbup: D oh !!! that must be against store policy !!! but I give him credit for trying !!


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> Well, I don't know about you whitehawk, but when I get involved again, I really hope its for life and I think using the web allows me to meet SOOOOOOOOO many different women , from all over the globe, no way in hell could I meet as many women , as many different types of women without the net, and the more women I get to know, the better chances of finding a good match and compatibility


Yeah l guess so and your a free agent now so it doesn't matter where she is l spose.
Me l'm restricted to be near my d so not sure how things are gonna go.
Yeah l wanted to be a lifer too , l messed up but so did she , it all could've been saved and repaired though. What ww need is two lifers :scratchhead: or somem like that !
Anyway S , glad your finding yourself a big bucket of fish out there man, your real dilemmas gonna be choosing


----------



## Soveryalone

lol , ye well I seem to lose interest in 90%% of the fish very quickly and the ones who keep my interest are off limits and I cut off contact


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> WTH is it with me and grocery stores?! I just walked up to the one right by my house to pick up a Redbox movie to watch with DS tonight, but then I ended up seeing a few great deals, lol. So, the guy was bagging the stuff up for me, and asked if I needed help getting it to my car. I said "No thanks, I'm walking" He smiles and says "I'll carry them home if you don't live too far."  (He was young and cute, too  ) WTH???



Ha ha , glad it's not only me then !
l get the nicest/craziest encounters at the supermarket too.
Maybe l should go live in one when l sell the house. Maybe l'll find my real calling, super market shelf stacking officer


----------



## hope4family

Soveryalone said:


> lol , *ye well I seem to lose interest in 90%%* of the fish very quickly and the ones who keep my interest are off limits and I cut off contact


Why?

Maybe i'm unhealthy. But that seems like a lot of women to lose interest in. 

What is happening that 90% of women on the earth are boring?


----------



## angelpixie

Maybe there's just a disproportionate number of fascinating ones on TAM, so he's jaded.


----------



## whitehawk

l've had to figure similar thing out in my own head.
lt's too soon S . Not only your a lifer but your still very hurt and confused.
Not that they're throwing themselves at me but even if l just look around , as yet no matter what she is l still just can't fire or feel much ! 
l still just couldn't even imagine it tbh , l worry myself 

ps - or to put it another way , Hope4family nailed it.
" maybe l'm unhealthy "


----------



## whitehawk

PS , we feel ok about the ones we can't have because it can't really happen so we're safe .


----------



## CEL

Hardest thing about TAM is so many smart, fun, wise, compassionate women most of them off limits. You TAM women ruin us for other banal copies of your magnificence. 😃


----------



## Soveryalone

Haha CEL , well said !!! Yes I know , I read so many threads/ posts and so many extremely bright, articulate, compassionate and funny women on here, and yet , we are on a support website , so its very taboo to become too friendly with any, oh well. I became very close friends with one and we began talking on the phone for hours and hours and hours, and then just like that, it ended as fast as it begun  She was just starting in the divorce process so I am sure that factored in.


----------



## hope4family

Women are generally great and friendly here. That's true. 

But there genuine and friendly women not here as well. Relationships can take a long time before they start getting a spark, or someone does something that "is really interesting." 

But meh, my social life is still expanding so I am more in learning then teaching mode. Hopefully it stays that way forever.


----------



## whitehawk

CEL said:


> Hardest thing about TAM is so many smart, fun, wise, compassionate women most of them off limits. You TAM women ruin us for other banal copies of your magnificence. 😃


Yep , wish we could have meet up parties, pretty sure at least 1/2 of us would be off the single list before long


----------



## stillhoping

Just read a bunch of these posts, it's been fun. I missed quite a few parties. After 28 years married, I ran into an old college friend, he was single and for the last year or so, we have been doing a combination of FWB and maybe something more. The s*x has been great but now it's all muddied up with feelings. He wants something I can't give him. He says its ok and we should keep doing what works for me but I know it needs to end now. He is not the one for me, this relationship got me through some very tough times, helped me feel better about myself as a woman but time for my big girl panties, take care of myself. I am sad to lose a friendship but I doubt if we can hang onto that part, too much else as passed between us


----------



## Jellybeans

stillhoping said:


> I ran into an old college friend, he was single and for the last year or so, we have been doing a combination of FWB and maybe something more. The s*x has been great but now it's all muddied up with feelings. He wants something I can't give him. He says its ok and we should keep doing what works for me but I know it needs to end now. He is not the one for me, this relationship got me through some very tough times, helped me feel better about myself as a woman but time for my big girl panties, take care of myself.


You should tell him and break it off quickly before he gets even more hurt. Not fair to either of you.


----------



## CEL

whitehawk said:


> Yep , wish we could have meet up parties, pretty sure at least 1/2 of us would be off the single list before long


I never knew you had those feeling for me, I just want you to know I enthusiastically return them. My pants urrr my door is always open to you if you ever need a hairy shoulder.... LOL


----------



## angelpixie

CEL said:


> I never knew you had those feeling for me, I just want you to know I enthusiastically return them. My pants urrr my door is always open to you if you ever need a hairy shoulder.... LOL


  




:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## CEL

stillhoping said:


> Just read a bunch of these posts, it's been fun. I missed quite a few parties. After 28 years married, I ran into an old college friend, he was single and for the last year or so, we have been doing a combination of FWB and maybe something more. The s*x has been great but now it's all muddied up with feelings. He wants something I can't give him. He says its ok and we should keep doing what works for me but I know it needs to end now. He is not the one for me, this relationship got me through some very tough times, helped me feel better about myself as a woman but time for my big girl panties, take care of myself. I am sad to lose a friendship but I doubt if we can hang onto that part, too much else as passed between us


Well this sounds like both a feeling problem and an expectations problem. You said that it was something more is that just on his part or yours as well? I got to say him putting what he wants to the side is a bad sign I agree with everyone else. Did you guys ever talk about your expectations?

Many people who have been with someone for a long time come out that with a different idea of what they would like. Nothing wrong with that. For me I have given this a lot of thought and for me this is what I am looking for.

1. No living together anytime soon or maybe ever at least for years.

2. No financial collaboration so I don't want my finances to be entangled with someone else.

3. No rings. No fiancee. No talk of marriage. 

As for what I do want

1. To care for someone and enjoy being with them

2. To have someone care about me.

3. To have someone to call and who is going to have my back in life. You know someone to cry to or whine to.

4. Fun times with LOTS of adventures.

5. Sex

6. Exclusivity

So basically I am good with the feelings. I am good with the fun times. I am not good with the living or financial part or the marriage part. Maybe I will never be okay with that. Now if you have not had a long time thing go south "don't know whether he did or not" but if you have not then it looks a lot more simple. You date. You have sex. You become exclusive. You move in. You get married. That is the steps for the normal people so if he was on that page and you where not then yep that is all about expectations of what it was going to be. Or what you where okay with it becoming. This is actually pretty common those who go through divorce well they have different expectations and wants. Like you are both looking for cars but he wants a sports car you are looking for a SUV you both want wheels but you are far apart.

So what does he want? What do you want? Do you like him as a just a boy toy or could you be boyfriend and girlfriend? If you only see him as a boy toy then yeah you just got to cut it before it he gets hurt more. If you see that you could have feelings for him then well that is a different kettle of fish.

And friends by benefits almost always ends this way. Sad to say but sex includes feelings you have two people and you can only control one side. Did you guys talk about this developing into something?


----------



## stillhoping

Oh yes, we talked about it many times. He knew I was uncertain about even being in a relationship and I have certainly told him I have many significant life decisions to make and only wanted to date. It didn't stop him from wanting more. I did let him know our dating is ending. He is quite sad, I am too. He is kind, generous, thoughtful. But also needy, immature and has limited goals for himself. Anyway, it is over now.


----------



## CEL

stillhoping said:


> Oh yes, we talked about it many times. He knew I was uncertain about even being in a relationship and I have certainly told him I have many significant life decisions to make and only wanted to date. It didn't stop him from wanting more. I did let him know our dating is ending. He is quite sad, I am too. He is kind, generous, thoughtful. But also needy, immature and has limited goals for himself. Anyway, it is over now.


Drop that dude. Needy, immature and no goals sounds a lot like a man without a job who needs a mommy. No just no. You did the right thing. Good for you.


----------



## Soveryalone

Random question, so I met this woman 1-2 weeks ago, we had a really good time , lots of flirting , joking, really good conversation as well, I really had a good feeling, the next day we talked casually , later on I sent her a text which she didn't reply to, so I just chalked up it as a loss and moved on. Earlier tonight she sent me a message on yahoo, and we just started talking like normal. 
Then she asked me to call her, which I did. anyways, has anyone ever met someone, had a great time with them, and then you and the other person are both equally not wanting to be the first to make contact  it seems so strange to me , but this woman seems to be very certain, I needed to pursue her more ( she said the couple days after we talked she figured I got bored and moved on or met someone else) does this sorta thing happen? 2 people meet really really like one another and then they are both stubborn waiting on the other to make first contact? I guess it was just a miscommunication or perhaps at first she didn't think she liked me as much and after a few days realized she did?


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> Random question, so I met this woman 1-2 weeks ago, we had a really good time , lots of flirting , joking, really good conversation as well, I really had a good feeling, the next day we talked casually , later on I sent her a text which she didn't reply to, so I just chalked up it as a loss and moved on. Earlier tonight she sent me a message on yahoo, and we just started talking like normal.
> Then she asked me to call her, which I did. anyways, has anyone ever met someone, had a great time with them, and then you and the other person are both equally not wanting to be the first to make contact  it seems so strange to me , but this woman seems to be very certain, I needed to pursue her more ( she said the couple days after we talked she figured I got bored and moved on or met someone else) does this sorta thing happen? 2 people meet really really like one another and then they are both stubborn waiting on the other to make first contact? I guess it was just a miscommunication or perhaps at first she didn't think she liked me as much and after a few days realized she did?


Think she was hoping you do the contacting S. A lot of girls won't take a guy too seriously yet just from a few chats . And believe it or not they aren't all first movers , lots of girls will wait for you , they need to know your legit.
Or , she's not that interested


----------



## angelpixie

A lot of women are afraid of looking desperate or clingy, or they are legitimately afraid they have misinterpreted signals and don't want to be humiliated to make contact and find out there wasn't as much interest on the guy's part as they thought (and I know this can be true for guys, too). 

Some women may still have vestiges of the societal thinking that the guy should initiate conversations, ask on dates, etc. Even if they do make first contact themselves sometimes. It's hard to get rid of stuff you've heard all your life.

SVL -- in this case, you did send her a text, and she didn't reply. Did you ask her why she didn't, and why you should have pursued her further after she didn't reply? I think it's fair to put the ball in her court with this.


----------



## CEL

Soveryalone said:


> Random question, so I met this woman 1-2 weeks ago, we had a really good time , lots of flirting , joking, really good conversation as well, I really had a good feeling, the next day we talked casually , later on I sent her a text which she didn't reply to, so I just chalked up it as a loss and moved on. Earlier tonight she sent me a message on yahoo, and we just started talking like normal.
> Then she asked me to call her, which I did. anyways, has anyone ever met someone, had a great time with them, and then you and the other person are both equally not wanting to be the first to make contact  it seems so strange to me , but this woman seems to be very certain, I needed to pursue her more ( she said the couple days after we talked she figured I got bored and moved on or met someone else) does this sorta thing happen? 2 people meet really really like one another and then they are both stubborn waiting on the other to make first contact? I guess it was just a miscommunication or perhaps at first she didn't think she liked me as much and after a few days realized she did?


Happens all the time. Guy does not want to look needy and his pride gets in the way so he does not text again. Women is uncomfortable and does not want to look desperate. So they never talk usually this ends with no more contact unless life intervenes.

Here is the deal if they do not reasons to a text. Was it a question or a statement? Like how are you doing vs hope you have a good day. Or people get busy I don't take it seriously if I get no response I just move and tho I will not text anymore that day I might try the next day but make sure it is a question.


----------



## Soveryalone

thanks for the replies everyone sorry I wasn't getting email notifications. I am a little confused and in shock right now , my Ex who I was with for 12 years , and ended up starting an EA got married a few days ago and I just found out  whats really shocking to me , is I really , and truly 100%% don't give a shlt.

In terms of this new one, things are moving along very very fast, and its scary because we both seem to be on the same page and she seems very certain about what she wants ( me) but part of me is a little terrified to keep going forward , but I cant stop thinking about her, and cant stop talking to her. ugh, why do things have to be so confusing


----------



## vi_bride04

Why do they get married so fast???? So weird to me!!!

Sorry, SVA...at least its not affecting you in a negative way and you can realize that you are really moving on.


----------



## Soveryalone

I am guessing she is pregnant ?? I dunno


----------



## Soveryalone

So my mind is telling me to STOP talking to this new woman, and thinks up a million reasons to do so. However every time she calls ( she is long Distance) I answer, and my heart races , and I stay on the phone with her for hours until she says goodbye. I really cant figure this whole thing out, its like I know its completely stupid and foolish and yet I cant stop myself. its so very sudden, so very fast, long distance, and yet it just feels so right. I was terrified of getting emotionally close ( so to speak ), but that is fading away more and more after each conversation.


----------



## Awakening2012

Soveryalone said:


> So my mind is telling me to STOP talking to this new woman, and thinks up a million reasons to do so. However every time she calls ( she is long Distance) I answer, and my heart races , and I stay on the phone with her for hours until she says goodbye. I really cant figure this whole thing out, its like I know its completely stupid and foolish and yet I cant stop myself. its so very sudden, so very fast, long distance, and yet it just feels so right. I was terrified of getting emotionally close ( so to speak ), but that is fading away more and more after each conversation.


Hi SVA - 

Are you seeing other women as well so as not be get too focused on this long distance one? It can feel "safer" having a "virtual" romance, but I would caution against getting too emotionally invested before actually meeting someone and getting to know them. What are their families like? Their friends? Getting to know this sort of information about someone, and actually seeing how they interact with others in their life can tell you a LOT, that you'll never know long-distance. Not saying it can never work out, just that "in person" dating is a safer bet so you can get a clearer sense of a potential romantic partner and what they're really like, who they are.

This being said, it is so great how well you are detaching and moving on! Bravo!

Cheers, - A12


----------



## CEL

Going to break up your posts just to get to the meat. Like always I will talk to you like I do my friends straight and truthful. Not trying to offend and if it does let me know and I will take it down.



Soveryalone said:


> So my mind is telling me to STOP talking to this new woman, and thinks up a million reasons to do so.


This is fear you are linking this women with your X it is like you are saying any women that I meet is going to treat me the way she did so I need to not be with anyone. Sounds crazy huh? But the heart does not do logic once we are hurt we look at anything that looks like that in a wary way. That is why we look at red as stop and hot. You see it and you get cautious because we have all been burned. So you need to LOOK at her actions, not your past. Has SHE done anything to hurt you if not you need to talk yourself down.



Soveryalone said:


> However every time she calls ( she is long Distance) I answer, and my heart races , and I stay on the phone with her for hours until she says goodbye.


Why is this bad? It makes you feel good and she feels good. We are not talking marriage here we are talking on the phone. No matter what you are not screwing or even touching so enjoy it. I don't know about you but I don't have so much happiness I can afford to pass on some especially if I have no negative actions to back it up. 



Soveryalone said:


> I really cant figure this whole thing out, its like I know its completely stupid and foolish and yet I cant stop myself.


Sorry for being crude but kinda like cumming huh? You are having fun and then you want to stop but just can't. Here is the deal why the hell do you want to stop? Again this means NOTHING yet. You are ONLY talking hell you can talk marriage for all you want and you know what does not mean a think until you actually meet and do something. You are thinking this stuff to much. You just need to focus on today tomorrow takes care of itself just fine. The past if gone and you can't change it so quit trying to make this more or less than it is. Yes take the lessons from the past but don't let it dictate to you. Are you in IC? If not make it priority.



Soveryalone said:


> its so very sudden, so very fast, long distance, and yet it just feels so right. I was terrified of getting emotionally close ( so to speak ), but that is fading away more and more after each conversation.


So feels right and she has done nothing to hurt you. Your fear is because she is a women. She is right? It is okay to fear things just not okay to let it rule you. Let her know that you WILL trigger so she knows what the deal is. You should be aware of this and keep an eye so you do not sabotage it. Get to know her. Give her a chance. Be open to being happy haven't you been unhappy long enough? See where it goes. Even if it is not a long term thing you know what I love chocolate you know why because it tastes good. So should I swear off chocolate because it only takes seconds to eat and the pleasure is fleeting? I love smelling flowers a simple pleasure that is fleeting I still do tho. And what about sex? Take the pleasure that life is offering you just understand that all things in life can come with a cost but you know what I pay the ticket and take the ride. Better than than watching others ride and feeling sorry for myself.

Oh and Awakening 2012 is right real women are NICE. But life is nothing if not a curve ball.


----------



## Soveryalone

Awakenings , right now this does feel safe, and the distance offers a buffer zone, so maybe it just feels less real , this is the first time she has ever done the long distance thing, so as hard as we try to just keep it very casual, it tends to get very very intense at times, we are figuring out the others boundaries. And no , I am not seeing other women right now. I cant explain it , but it feels like that would be wrong? and thanks for the vote of confidence , it feels very good , and I feel very good today , considering I found out my long term Ex got married the other day 

Cel thanks for replying in such detail
I hear what you are saying, and I think I have breached that wall of thinking every single woman will betray me, my concerns are more about this new womans situation, she is younger , 23 and I am 37 ( and when we talk honestly neither of us even mentions it or thinks about it at all) but her age has little to do with my worry, just a factor I would share if I hadn't already. She has a 2 yr old little girl and a 9 month little girl, she was married ( 6 months separated and her stbx is living 1700 miles away with another woman) , its why she wants to keep things quiet for now, she doesn't want any trouble with the ex or her family and the kids, she is afraid because her family was trying to get custody , and she doesn't want to tell them she is involved already while not divorced yet to give them ammo to take the kids. ( I don't know a whole lot of details about that other than they are very much Christian and don't believe in divorce etc etc) 
She seems very very very much ready and willing to move on though, and I do believe her when she tells me how she feels about me, which is baffling because it all has happened so very fast. but I agree if it feels good , and she likes it , we are just talking on the phone so whats the big deal right.

I am not in IC at this time , I am waiting to have my health insurance reinstated, but I intend to get back in it.

I am very very open and honest with her and tell her all the time when and if I feel anxious, tell her when I feel triggered and such and there have been a couple times , when we were just chatting on yahoo, (typing) where she would say something and I would start to wonder, she was saying thankgod she had my phone number because her internet was turned off and she needed 65 dollars , ( and I was worried because of that) but within 30 minutes she told me she figured it out. anyways little things that she said early on ( haha its STILL very EARLY ) little things have bugged me , but then we speak on the phone at night , and I feel better and better and less and less worried.


----------



## vi_bride04

Be careful of not getting hurt...

Very similar experience only to be let down in a jaw dropping manner....


----------



## Soveryalone

Ye , I know what you are saying Vi Bride , perhaps I should reconsider, and look for someone COMPLETELY single , and a little older ?


----------



## CEL

Soveryalone said:


> Ye , I know what you are saying Vi Bride , perhaps I should reconsider, and look for someone COMPLETELY single , and a little older ?


This is not forever you are only talking. You are looking for ways this will not work. Just relax as long as you are happy you are okay. Sounds like you enjoy talking to each other so that is what you are doing. Like I said tomorrow will take care of itself. Sometimes these things work out sometimes they do not. But better to give it a go then to kill it and never know. Just my 2 cents I think you are too much in your head trying to think what is the right thing to do? Are we going to fast? Is this right? What is going to happen next week or next month? Just relax and enjoy it. Kinda like a hike you don't get all worried about the destination you enjoy the journey. No hurry no stress. Keep it cool and let it go the way it will.


----------



## Soveryalone

I totally hear you CEL and you are 100%% on the money , I agree, I just want to take it day by day, and enjoy each day as it happens, but she is saying things like ( as she is putting her girls down to sleep and they are going insane) " are you sure you are ready for chaos" lol also saying things about feelings which seem so fast, also talking about the future , and yea.. I just don't know perhaps she wont call me tonight ? and I will miss her calls , but maybe its for the best right now? At first I thought she was being playful and kidding around about how she felt, but after every single phone I think, WoW she may be serious about what she is saying and that SCARES the living shlt out of me..


----------



## Disenchanted

Just don't get oneitis.

Really, don't get oneitis. 

People have been telling me not to date one woman at a time and it's been tough for me to apply, but I think it's a worthwhile idea.

Just say no to oneitis.


----------



## CEL

Soveryalone said:


> I totally hear you CEL and you are 100%% on the money , I agree, I just want to take it day by day, and enjoy each day as it happens, but she is saying things like ( as she is putting her girls down to sleep and they are going insane) " are you sure you are ready for chaos" lol also saying things about feelings which seem so fast, also talking about the future , and yea.. I just don't know perhaps she wont call me tonight ? and I will miss her calls , but maybe its for the best right now? At first I thought she was being playful and kidding around about how she felt, but after every single phone I think, WoW she may be serious about what she is saying and that SCARES the living shlt out of me..



LOL she can say whatever she wants and feel whatever she wants. You know what? That is all good and what you feel is all good. The point is simple you have not met you have not done anything yet. Today is not tomorrow. Enjoy it. Don't stress it. Don't worry it like a bone.

And if you miss her call you know what that means? That you miss her not that you are destined to be together. LOL. Does not mean this is true love. Does not mean she is "The One" all it means is that you enjoy talking to her and like her companionship. Pretty simple brother. You go it right take it day by day as long as you are having fun and not trying to MAKE this into something but just letting it become whatever it is then you will be just fine

See that is where people misstep they try to make something out of something. They get so caught up in what they think they want "long term romance, marriage, forever love, etc" they don't just let it be what it is. Then when it turns out to be something else well it is not the person they miss it is that mythical dream that they had.

So keep it simple you can only promise today. You can only say you enjoy talking to her. You care about her. You like her. Really is that not enough? The rest will come or not either way you know what the important thing is you have yourself and that you are healthy. Work on being emotionally nimble what this means is don't get locked into ONE idea. Be able to move with life and keep yourself happy.

You don't have to have her. You will live a great life without her. But you do enjoy her being part of your life so let that be enough.


----------



## Soveryalone

damn I didn't think she was going to call  oh well got to talk to her for an hour, geesh her baby was crying, she kept asking me " are u sure u are ready for all this " haha , but anyways I am gonna listen to you CEL, take it day by day , enjoy the moments , worry mainly about myself and what I am trying to do in life and just sort of take the rest in stride , I can really only control what I do, set goals , go after those goals, personal goals nothing involving another person, and if its meant to be with whomever , so be it, if not oh well, on to the next


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## unsure78

Ok I haven't been around too much lately but this was too OMG not to share. Went on a first date this weekend... first he told me how nice I smelled and that I was very cute. Ok.... While we are eating dinner he slips in 3 times what a "hot body" I have... I ignored, obviously this guy is not getting another date. So after dinner we are talking and hes says since I have no real social filter, Let me ask you, "Are your boobs real?, you are just soo small and your boobs are like yea wow"...... OMG I just started laughing, I couldnt believe it, this is a first date!!! I was so shocked I say im all real.... He then proceeded to tell me hes available to confirm that for me as he is an expert...... wow just wow....

his number is now blocked....worst date ever
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Now I want a picture, lol.


----------



## unsure78

Hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

:lol:What a date from hell!


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## CEL

You need to ask them a simple question before the date....Are you a pervy child with no social grace? Then you can decide to date or not. LOL seriously what a loser. Insulting completely lacking in grace or charm. 

Well the good thing is there are so many men out there. Good luck.


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## Soveryalone

tips for a first date --1) don't mention how hot her body is
2) resist the urge to ask the age old question "are they real"
These seem much more appropriate for a 3 rd date jk


----------



## Nsweet

To be perfectly blunt, you're not going to be getting any kitty from a first date. Too many men before you have blown that chance and sharpened her defenses. Oh you may luck out find a woman at the right time and say all the right things to each other. But since the odds of that are low and the first date really is an interview for both of you anyways, you're better off relinquishing any thoughts of sex and just having fun. Remember you're screening each other equally. And as I would put it to my 15yo self who did this very thing, just be yourself and be cool bro, be cool.


----------



## Disenchanted

If I get laid on a first date it'll be great. It'll also be the last date.


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> If I get laid on a first date it'll be great. It'll also be the last date.


Exactly!:lol:

Any woman that would have me on the first date is not the woman for me. I already married a woman like that and divorced her, and let's just say I wasn't the only special one to sleep with her on the first date. A few OM got to experience that too.


----------



## Disenchanted

Yeah but don't get me wrong, I'd love to get my count up over 1000.

Double standard? Maybe. I'm all for ONS but if I'm ever going to actually be emotionally vulnerable to a woman she will need to earn my trust, which includes some kind of value put on intimacy. And we all know women are the gatekeepers to sexy times.

So with that said, anybody looking for a ONS?

MUAHAHAHAHAHA


----------



## unsure78

At least a bad first date make for funny stories...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Soveryalone said:


> So my mind is telling me to STOP talking to this new woman, and thinks up a million reasons to do so. However every time she calls ( she is long Distance) I answer, and my heart races , and I stay on the phone with her for hours until she says goodbye. I really cant figure this whole thing out, its like I know its completely stupid and foolish and yet I cant stop myself. its so very sudden, so very fast, long distance, and yet it just feels so right. I was terrified of getting emotionally close ( so to speak ), but that is fading away more and more after each conversation.


SVA, I've read your recent posts, and I wanted to comment on a few things. If you are worried that this is moving along too fast, listen to yourself. There are all kinds of chemical highs that happen with the rush of a new relationship, and when those are going, it's _reeeeallly_ easy to not pay attention to logic. 

I'm not saying that any of these things are automatically true, but you are both recently ending relationships, and those endings left you both with negative feelings about yourselves and with a pretty high level of emotional vulnerability. In other words, you're both ripe for rebounds. Rebounds aren't always bad, but just be really aware of what you're getting into. It's all too easy for something to develop that feels 'real' just because it's so different from, and better than, your last relationship. And sometimes, one or both people end up very hurt when it's the last thing they need.

Another thing for you personally, SVA, is to consider whether or not this is a distraction from dealing with feelings about your ex's recent marriage. Again, maybe not, but better to check in with yourself and deal with any residual feelings that are still there, than to have them pop up later.

If it's meant to be, taking things slowly and thinking things through won't hurt anything. It can only make it better.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Ok I haven't been around too much lately but this was too OMG not to share. Went on a first date this weekend... first he told me how nice I smelled and that I was very cute. Ok.... While we are eating dinner he slips in 3 times what a "hot body" I have... I ignored, obviously this guy is not getting another date. So after dinner we are talking and hes says since I have no real social filter, Let me ask you, "Are your boobs real?, you are just soo small and your boobs are like yea wow"...... OMG I just started laughing, I couldnt believe it, this is a first date!!! I was so shocked I say im all real.... He then proceeded to tell me hes available to confirm that for me as he is an expert...... wow just wow....
> 
> his number is now blocked....worst date ever
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Holy moley, Unsure! Be honest, didn't you want to pour his drink in his lap or something after that? I'd have been so tempted, lol. 

And, yeah, he has no social filter and acts like he did with you, but somehow he expects you to believe he's an 'expert'. I wouldn't be surprised if all of his dates ended like yours.  Nice try, doofus.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

hope4family said:


> What is happening that 90% of women on the earth are boring?


Hah! I say that about men! :rofl:Haven't met anyone I actually want to date or even hang out with much.


----------



## Disenchanted

Freak On a Leash said:


> Hah! I say that about men! :rofl:Haven't met anyone I actually want to date or even hang out with much.


I call bullish!t


----------



## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> Holy moley, Unsure! Be honest, didn't you want to pour his drink in his lap or something after that? I'd have been so tempted, lol.
> 
> And, yeah, he has no social filter and acts like he did with you, but somehow he expects you to believe he's an 'expert'. I wouldn't be surprised if all of his dates ended like yours.  Nice try, doofus.


Yep, I would've tossed a drink in his face and left. I get all sorts of comments like that when I'm out dancing but that's to be expected, especially if the guy is drunk but to go out on a date and be treated like that..sheesh! :slap:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Disenchanted said:


> I call bullish!t


Nope, it's true. I don't know if it's them or me. I think a little of both. I just haven't found anyone in my social circle who I'm attracted to or interests me.. Plus I think I'm just happy being on my own, hanging with my friends or doing stuff on my own. 

I went away this past weekend camping/hiking on my own. I was the only single woman there. I don't mean unmarried, etc. I mean "alone", "on my own". Very unusual. Men seem to go solo but not many women. I think a lot of it is just me and how I roll. 

23 years of being ignored by my spouse set me up well for being a single, divorced woman. I guess I should thank my ex for that.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> ...since I have no real social filter...


*TRANSLATION:* "I am an asshat. I don't want you to think that I'm an asshat, because I want to get in your pants. I am about to say or do something that will make me look like a complete asshat. I am going to say it anyway, and this is my lame and blatant excuse for doing so."

I hate when people do that. If you can recognize that what you are about to say or do violates accepted social mores, then you _do_ have a social filter... you are simply _choosing_ not to use it.

And that makes you an asshat.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Why do they get married so fast???? So weird to me!!!
> 
> 
> Yeah you can put money on that one blowing up in their face can't ya !


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> *TRANSLATION:* "I am an asshat. I don't want you to think that I'm an asshat, because I want to get in your pants. I am about to say or do something that will make me look like a complete asshat. I am going to say it anyway, and this is my lame and blatant excuse for doing so."
> 
> I hate when people do that. If you can recognize that what you are about to say or do violates accepted social mores, then you _do_ have a social filter... you are simply _choosing_ not to use it.
> 
> And that makes you an asshat.


exactly PB thats what I thought too... if you can tell me that you have "no social filter" he knew what he was about to say was wrong...


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Now I want a picture, lol.


UMMM NSweet liking that comment....you have seen a picture of me before.... you dont remember your comment?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> UMMM NSweet liking that comment....you have seen a picture of me before.... you dont remember your comment?


I really don't.:scratchhead: 

Did I call you a MILF or something?:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> exactly PB thats what I thought too... if you can tell me that you have "no social filter" he knew what he was about to say was wrong...


Well he was confident, isn't that everything?

MUAHAHHA



unsure78 said:


> UMMM NSweet liking that comment....you have seen a picture of me before.... you dont remember your comment?


Oh I feel so left out.


----------



## hope4family

It's good stuff dis. Just sayin. 

I'd call unsure a 10. Which is basically the same as saying she is a MILF. I'm just more conservative. 

Unsure, i'm getting slightly better with my social filter. Although some still say I have flashbacks of badassery too often. (There own words.)


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I really don't.:scratchhead:
> 
> Did I call you a MILF or something?:rofl:


I had a "Killer Rack" :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: you and Mr. Boobs apparently agree


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Well he was confident, isn't that everything?
> 
> MUAHAHHA
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I feel so left out.



hmm i need someone to vouch for you first before ill make you my friend and you can see my pics


----------



## Disenchanted

good luck with that, I'm a total degenerate pervert creeper


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I had a "Killer Rack" :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: you and Mr. Boobs apparently agree


Search your heart. You know it to be true.

Seriously, you know you're hot and a 10 or whatever. This isn't news to you.

What I like about you and from what I can tell a lot of men like about you is that you're humble about it, maybe a little too insecure. So you don't act like a stuck up b!tch. Maybe that's from everything you've been through now, but you still got that real cool perfect wife vibe about you. And brains to match! You're not a blonde bimbo AT ALL!!!!

Really, there's no reason I can think of that you shouldn't be able to find someone. You got what men want to settle down are looking for. You just might have to kiss a few frogs and ditch a few d!cks on the first date to find him. Find him later and learn more about yourself now. Each date should teach you a little something new about yourself.


----------



## hope4family

Disenchanted said:


> good luck with that, I'm a total degenerate pervert creeper


Dis you know I would vouch for you. But stop making it so hard. 

Seriously unsure, when he came down to Florida we met up for drinks. He seemed.....reasonable.


----------



## EleGirl

Freak On a Leash said:


> Nope, it's true. I don't know if it's them or me. I think a little of both. I just haven't found anyone in my social circle who I'm attracted to or interests me.. Plus I think I'm just happy being on my own, hanging with my friends or doing stuff on my own.
> 
> I went away this past weekend camping/hiking on my own. I was the only single woman there. I don't mean unmarried, etc. I mean "alone", "on my own". Very unusual. Men seem to go solo but not many women. I think a lot of it is just me and how I roll.
> 
> 23 years of being ignored by my spouse set me up well for being a single, divorced woman. I guess I should thank my ex for that.


I think that many women would not feel safe camping by themselves. I don't think I would.


----------



## Disenchanted

hope4family said:


> Dis you know I would vouch for you. But stop making it so hard.
> 
> Seriously unsure, when he came down to Florida we met up for drinks. He seemed.....reasonable.


Thanks Hope, lol.

here's a vouching from a single TAM lady:



coffee4me said:


> Don't need to worry about Dis.  He'll have a look and won't say a word.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> I had a "Killer Rack" :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: you and *M*r. B*oobs* apparently agree


Even if he didn't have moobs, it would have been funny to answer his "Are they real?" with "Are yours?" :rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

Reminds of this website called "moobs or boobs" where there were various chest pics posted and you had to guess which were which.

It was really really difficult actually.

Not searching for it from work.


----------



## unsure78

Alright Dis, enough have vouched for you ... but you are going to have to friend request me, you have it set so i cant friend request you


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Even if he didn't have moobs, it would have been funny to answer his "Are they real?" with "Are yours?" :rofl:


He totally had moobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

EleGirl said:


> I think that many women would not feel safe camping by themselves. I don't think I would.


I wouldn't feel safe, but only if I didn't have my dogs with me. I won't go camping by myself without them! Something about a 95lb doberman that keeps weirdos away from my campsite 

Camping by myself is just such a nice way to really get away and get some time alone with my thoughts.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Alright Dis, enough have vouched for you ... but you are going to have to friend request me, you have it set so i cant friend request you


I no longer feel left out, thank you very much.

Now I have to honor C4M and not say anything about your looks.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I no longer feel left out, thank you very much.


You are welcome


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Search your heart. You know it to be true.
> 
> Seriously, you know you're hot and a 10 or whatever. This isn't news to you.
> 
> What I like about you and from what I can tell a lot of men like about you is that you're humble about it, maybe a little too insecure. So you don't act like a stuck up b!tch. Maybe that's from everything you've been through now, but you still got that real cool perfect wife vibe about you. And brains to match! You're not a blonde bimbo AT ALL!!!!
> 
> Really, there's no reason I can think of that you shouldn't be able to find someone. You got what men want to settle down are looking for. You just might have to kiss a few frogs and ditch a few d!cks on the first date to find him. Find him later and learn more about yourself now. Each date should teach you a little something new about yourself.


I missed this post. I think everyone gets a similar vibe. 

She is a world class human being. :smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

EleGirl said:


> I think that many women would not feel safe camping by themselves. I don't think I would.


I get that reaction a lot..This time it was a campground filled with mostly families with young kids, a few couples and one other solo guy who stayed one night and left. I don't think I could've been safer. 

I also felt a bit "hemmed in" because I prefer to be solitary, not surrounded by people. I think of "camping" as communing with nature, not being surrounded by others. 

But I've been camping where it's just me, usually on a Sunday-Thursday or during the off season. I love it. I don't think much about being scared. If I dwelled on this I wouldn't do it and I'd miss out. Sometimes you have to take risks or you don't do things at all.

Yep, I've traveled a lot alone too. Gone away thousands of miles from home for days at a time with just me, myself and I. I also hike and kayak alone and have been told that it's "dangerous" to do. Well, if I waited for someone else to do stuff with me it would NEVER happen. 

Besides, I actually get irritated by being with people too much. I need my space. IMO, there's no greater freedom then packing up my Jeep or my kayak or backpack and just setting out to explore on my own. 

What's weird is that I'm also a very sociable person who likes to go out and party, be with friends, etc. 

Self reliance and freedom are things I hold near and dear. When I move to another part of the country where it's customary to pack a firearm I will learn to shoot and keep one one me. Here in this part of the country that's more of a hassle then a help.


----------



## whitehawk

l saw my tattoo girl l call her , again today.
Only in the shop she works .
This is one l sort of met mths ago through this beautiful brand new back tattoo she'd just gotten , gorgeous.
She lowered the back of her top to show me and l sort of accidentally slipped out " hmmm, God l'd love to lick that ".
Talking social filters :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: l was in a cheeky mood , it just came out !

Well , she didn't slap me or snub me or tell me to f off and now whenever l go into that shop she always smiles , makes my day . 
Brother calls me the tat licker now - and his wife :lol:


----------



## whitehawk

Freak On a Leash said:


> I get that reaction a lot..This time it was a campground filled with mostly families with young kids, a few couples and one other solo guy who stayed one night and left. I don't think I could've been safer.
> 
> I also felt a bit "hemmed in" because I prefer to be solitary, not surrounded by people. I think of "camping" as communing with nature, not being surrounded by others.
> 
> But I've been camping where it's just me, usually on a Sunday-Thursday or during the off season. I love it. I don't think much about being scared. If I dwelled on this I wouldn't do it and I'd miss out. Sometimes you have to take risks or you don't do things at all.
> 
> Yep, I've traveled a lot alone too. Gone away thousands of miles from home for days at a time with just me, myself and I. I also hike and kayak alone and have been told that it's "dangerous" to do. Well, if I waited for someone else to do stuff with me it would NEVER happen.
> 
> Besides, I actually get irritated by being with people too much. I need my space. IMO, there's no greater freedom then packing up my Jeep or my kayak or backpack and just setting out to explore on my own.
> 
> What's weird is that I'm also a very sociable person who likes to go out and party, be with friends, etc.
> 
> Self reliance and freedom are things I hold near and dear. When I move to another part of the country where it's customary to pack a firearm I will learn to shoot and keep one one me. Here in this part of the country that's more of a hassle then a help.



l hear ya loud and clear Freak. l use to camp alone all the time and traveled a lot alone too . And l do love to party , go figure :scratchhead:
l love that independence in a girl , or in anyone really . People that always need to hold a hand really get on my nerves .
People in your face get on my nerves too , it's gotta suit my timing , weird.
l do love those type of friendly soles who's door is always open though, they're usually just gorgeous people but , l need a bolt on mine for when l'm not in the mood :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

l am a weird mix though because l've also had quite a few for weeks on end stints of friends staying or something and had a ball.
This stuff has to be the right people though or l'm clawing the walls looking for the old escape hatch.
l've been known to just vanish in the wrong situation .


----------



## COGypsy

Freak On a Leash said:


> I get that reaction a lot..This time it was a campground filled with mostly families with young kids, a few couples and one other solo guy who stayed one night and left. I don't think I could've been safer.
> 
> I also felt a bit "hemmed in" because I prefer to be solitary, not surrounded by people. I think of "camping" as communing with nature, not being surrounded by others.
> 
> But I've been camping where it's just me, usually on a Sunday-Thursday or during the off season. I love it. I don't think much about being scared. If I dwelled on this I wouldn't do it and I'd miss out. Sometimes you have to take risks or you don't do things at all.
> 
> Yep, I've traveled a lot alone too. Gone away thousands of miles from home for days at a time with just me, myself and I. I also hike and kayak alone and have been told that it's "dangerous" to do. *Well, if I waited for someone else to do stuff with me it would NEVER happen.
> *
> Besides, I actually get irritated by being with people too much. I need my space. IMO, there's no greater freedom then packing up my Jeep or my kayak or backpack and just setting out to explore on my own.
> 
> What's weird is that I'm also a very sociable person who likes to go out and party, be with friends, etc.
> 
> Self reliance and freedom are things I hold near and dear. When I move to another part of the country where it's customary to pack a firearm I will learn to shoot and keep one one me. Here in this part of the country that's more of a hassle then a help.


This is what I've lived most of my life by. I've probably done more travel solo than with others. Back when I was into the camping thing, I'd do that on my own if an interesting opportunity came up. I suppose if you think too much about it, everything is dangerous. I go to work every day even though it can be dangerous to walk in a parking garage alone. I would hate to think that I ever missed a moment of life just because I ended up with a vagina in the genetic lotto.


----------



## Soveryalone

hey everyone ... sorry I didn't have the time to read the past threads, so , I apologize for the "derail", but needed some advice.
So its way early on with this new person , and its long distance which is dreadful , and there are a lot of issues to deal with , and I go through some anxious times, but she is so very worth every second, but she is a single mother of 2 , 2 yr old and 9 month old and she works full times so we don't have that much time to talk, I guess my question is this, of course I put her and her little ones needs ahead of my own (because its the right thing to do) but at some point do I get selfish and pull back, far far back from the whole situation and just breathe ? part of me wants to ask her if I can come visit, and the other part of me wants to just tell her goodbye.... I just love being a Gemini...  any thoughts ?


----------



## angelpixie

Well, SVA, I'm going to jump right in here and say *Why*, at this point, are you saying 'of course I put her and her little ones needs ahead of my own.'? You are _just_ getting out of a years-long relationship that left you pretty shaken. You need to put yourself first until you make absolutely sure you have worked through any leftover issues from your last relationship. I don't remember, did you go to IC after your break-up? 

It is not selfish to breathe, for goodness' sake!!! It is absolutely vital that you make sure you are healthy. Think of what flight attendants tell parents during the safety spiel before take-off: "Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then on your child" Reason being that if your child is alive and you are dead, who's going to actually get the child off the plane? 

In this case, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Even if you are being kind and sweet and loving to this woman and her children, and nothing emotionally unhealthy is going on, you won't be at your best if you're not practicing self-care, too. 

A good gauge of the health of this relationship would be her reaction if you did tell her you needed to breathe and take a break for a while. Would she be as understanding towards you? Would she be putting you before herself? If all of the care and concern is only flowing towards her and the kids, and none towards you, that is a good sign that this is not a healthy relationship for you. Much as you like her, and much as you are getting something from her that makes you feel good, it may not actually be good for you in the long run. Many, many of us have been in a situation like this soon out of a relationship. Later on, you look back and wonder what you were thinking? Why would you have let yourself get sucked into whatever dysfunction was going on? 

I know you have been hurt, SVA, and I'd love to see you happy with someone. But this situation just seems off. Like she's pulling you in, and you are letting the good feelings overwhelm your judgement. And I think YOU know it's off, too, because you are having this anxiety and the urge to run. Listen to your gut.


----------



## hope4family

Sometimes doing something that's good for you is going to feel awkward, selfish, and put others off. 

I'm not sure this woman needs a man as much as she needs to be rescued. If you are single, and have no kids, or at least, no kids that you are looking after. This is already technically not a good fit. 

I say it's not technically a good fit. Because you should be living the single lifestyle. Not pandering after a single mom. If I'm wrong, well OK, then i'm wrong about you. 

Any woman that gets with me would have to understand that fun can be had in the free time. But otherwise, she would have to somewhat integrate into a "family" life. For a lot of single women with no kids. That can be a show stopper. That's OK. 

I would say do what makes you happy, but you would probably feel "bad" with what would make you happy at first.


----------



## Soveryalone

thanks very much for the advice  Yes I went to therapy a couple times and got some things off my chest , truthfully TAM helped me much more than IC did, by leaps and bounds. I know its very early with this new person, and honestly it feels like her and I are both second guessing, it seems like we are both pulling away, her dealing with her life and me with mine, the long distance, etc etc , and as far as me putting her and her childrens needs ahead of my own, its WAY too early for that thinking and I am most certainly allowing the good feelings to take over, and cloud my judgment. 
in terms of it being a good fit , I am assuming single parents prefer to date others who also have kids? I thought if someone had kids and met someone who was single no kids , who really really really has plenty of experience with kids ( I helped raise my 2 half brothers and my baby nephews), I would think that would be much more ideal than trying to bring 2 sets of children together, brady bunch style , but anyways, I sent her a message on Skype , just saying hey, we shall see what happens , who knows she may not call tonight. and if she doesn't I think it might be for the best  thanks again sincerely


----------



## hope4family

You may have read to much into my last post. 

I meant to say, is know what you are getting into. If I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't start a long distance relationship with someone with two kids. 

But that's two things in my mind that are challenges that can be deal breakers if there are any red flags. So, just have fun with it, let it pass if nothing comes of it. 

Not every scenario needs to be a Brady bunch. But at the same time, don't fall head over heals on the fixer/upper/woman needing rescuing.


----------



## Soveryalone

Ugh I am hooked I think  I sent her a few messages in a row on Skype, first of all I never even send one , first , if she wants to talk she knows where to find me , second I never ever send more than 1 and I sent 3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh !!!!!!!!!!!! now she knows I am hooked


----------



## CEL

Soveryalone said:


> Ugh I am hooked I think  I sent her a few messages in a row on Skype, first of all I never even send one , first , if she wants to talk she knows where to find me , second I never ever send more than 1 and I sent 3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh !!!!!!!!!!!! now she knows I am hooked


Deep breath. Shut down the damn computer and walk away. Yep you are done for the day. Go read a book. Go look at porn. Go watch tv. Hell go for a walk but turn the computer off and walk away. This is not a good place for you to be and you need some space.


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## vi_bride04

Please be careful with getting too attached with a long distance thing.....

Its not fun when it doesn't work out


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## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Please be careful with getting too attached with a long distance thing.....
> 
> Its not fun when it doesn't work out


OMG this.............


----------



## Jellybeans

IMO, long-distance isn't worth it (to start of dating with).


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> IMO, long-distance isn't worth it (to start of dating with).


Where do you live?

HAHAHAHAHHA


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL Good one, Disenchanted!


----------



## Disenchanted

never heard of it


----------



## Jellybeans

?

confused


----------



## Disenchanted

Where, exactly, is "Good one, Disenchanted!"

Oh nevermind. It's a joke.


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## vi_bride04

...I thought it was funny...lol


----------



## Soveryalone

Long distance dating is the absolute WORST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just got a second job because her Ex wont send her a dime for the babies, we talk on Skype as much as she can , and she calls me when she isn't taking care of the babies , or sleeping, I guess the first couple weeks I got spoiled because her schedule was different and she could talk a lot more, and I actually sent her this message 
[
I]*this is really not fair to you, i love you with all of my heart and will keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you, but i guess i have been lying , i don't know that at this point i can fully accept your love for me, i would love to keep in touch with you , and talk when you have the time , but i totally understand if i don't hear back , i love you with all of my heart C____ , i really do , you just deserve someone who can accept your love for them, and right now i cant*[/I]

and I honestly thought that was enough , or in a way me saying I needed time , and she replied with 

_*What do you mean by "can't fully accept your love". Does that mean you're not ready? because if so then just tell me that.
Well I don't know what to tell you, and if this is you trying to push me away then just say so without beating around the bush about it*_

I honestly didn't expect to even hear back from her at all, at least for today, but anyways yea whoever came up with the whole long distance relationship concept was a complete A hole !!!!!!!! ugh :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Where, exactly, is "Good one, Disenchanted!"
> 
> Oh nevermind. It's a joke.


Durrr, I am a littel slow today. But that's good. I live in the Magical Land of Good One. Occupation 1, Jellybean!


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait, she loves you wtih all her heart? Have you even met her yet? What is the background story here? Ho'w dyou fall i love? In person right? Not over Skype? I confused!

I did the long-distance Skyping thing. We had a good go. Super sweet, will make an excellent guy for someone who lives CLOSE to him. I am not talking 20 minutes distance. Or 45. Or 2 hours. I mean longer than that. On an airplane. I sometimes felt I had a "boyfriend" that lived in my computer (on Skype). All of the text messaging, Emojis and Skype calls in the world won't make up for actually being able to see eachother on occasion. And don't get me started with that entire computer-Skype-freeze thing. UGGGGH. Like when they freeze in real life. Annoying! It's like you're both little aliens on the computer screen. Live and learn.


----------



## Jellybeans

What do you guys consider long-distance (the distance-how far away?)


----------



## Soveryalone

in my case , I am currently in Vermont USA and she is in southern Georgia , so 1500 miles give or take ? 

I actually was the one who said this to her  
^^
*this is really not fair to you, i love you with all of my heart and will keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you, but i guess i have been lying , i don't know that at this point i can fully accept your love for me, i would love to keep in touch with you , and talk when you have the time , but i totally understand if i don't hear back , i love you with all of my heart C____ , i really do , you just deserve someone who can accept your love for them, and right now i cant[/*I

We met online, and started talking on the phone / Skype , and everything happened very quickly , and she basically would not talk about anything else other than how I felt about her , she had a feeling I loved her, and she essentially pulled it out of me , so one day I said, " you know I think I could fall for someone like you" and she said " the feeling is mutual" and from that moment on we sort of ran with it. Now is it possible to REALLY love someone you haven't met face to face , I suppose not, is it possible to fall in love with someone after a few weeks ? Highly unlikely , and I am sure her and I are both opening our selves up for being hurt , and who knows maybe are kidding ourselves , or maybe this is exactly what we both need , I know hearing her tell me she loves me , really makes me feel very good inside, and I guess , not talking on the phone as much is making me worry / wonder if I can handle it.


----------



## Unique Username

Ever heard of Catfish?

there is even a show to illustrate  and a Documentary


----------



## Soveryalone

hehe yes I have seen the show and the movie !! Believe me I am terrified of the whole long distance thing and I might try to ask her again if we can slow down, or take a break so to speak, but I mean we have chatted on Video on Skype and she is who she says she is , on a superficial level, but I understand your point, online , or on the phone / Skype . long distance relationships in general its much easier to change parts of yourself, your story, I guess its easier to lie or omit things? Ugh , I know this situation is far from ideal, but for some reason I cant just tell her goodbye ... I have to really examine why neither her or I are just saying , enough is enough , this is silly, and it wont work..


----------



## Jellybeans

No. You can tell her Goodbye. For some reason, you are choosing not to.


----------



## vi_bride04

Don't worry, SVA...I'm having the same issue...goodbye is just something I can't say atm. Even though I know there is no future.


----------



## CEL

Okay my brother going to give it to you straight. 



Soveryalone said:


> Long distance dating is the absolute WORST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> She just got a second job because her Ex wont send her a dime for the babies, we talk on Skype as much as she can , and she calls me when she isn't taking care of the babies , or sleeping, I guess the first couple weeks I got spoiled because her schedule was different and she could talk a lot more, and I actually sent her this message


Too early for this level of missing her. These feelings you are having are too confused. You need to really think about why you feel this way. You have never met. You have never touched. You have never had sex. You have never kissed. What is happening is because you are talking and you are so vulnerable right now you are attaching to her support not her. You like the support and her liking you helps take your mind off your life. You need to be able to cope without her. The withdrawal is due to you wanting to talk about your life and difficulties with her that is a coping mechanism not real feelings. She is becoming your therapist not your girlfriend.




Soveryalone said:


> this is really not fair to you, i love you with all of my heart and will keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you, but i guess i have been lying , i don't know that at this point i can fully accept your love for me, i would love to keep in touch with you , and talk when you have the time , but i totally understand if i don't hear back , i love you with all of my heart C____ , i really do , you just deserve someone who can accept your love for them, and right now i cant


Way way to early for this stuff. You are already in love with someone you have never met? You are already talking about your relationship? You really need to back off and let sometime go by give it a few weeks and start dealing with yourself. I think your feelings are confused and all over the place. Are you sure you are not pushing for a destination of a committed relationship to replace the one you just left?

You need to take this easy not constantly talk about your feelings just enjoy talking to her about your life don't have all your discussions be about the relationship and where it is going. That way leads to nothing good. Instead of getting to know each other you are instead focusing on how you feel when your feelings are not really formed yet making it very tricky.




Soveryalone said:


> What do you mean by "can't fully accept your love". Does that mean you're not ready? because if so then just tell me that.
> Well I don't know what to tell you, and if this is you trying to push me away then just say so without beating around the bush about it


So she wants you to be honest which lets be clear you have not. Either you want to try to be with her and get to know her or you don't. So if you are in then you need to set some boundaries for her and you I can give you a list if you want. If you are out then you need to be honest and tell her.



Soveryalone said:


> I honestly didn't expect to even hear back from her at all, at least for today, but anyways yea whoever came up with the whole long distance relationship concept was a complete A hole !!!!!!!! ugh :scratchhead:


Long distance is not bad but you need to be open to learning a new way of doing this. Are you?


----------



## Soveryalone

Thanks for the replies , guys , everything that was said was accurate , and I am quite sure I have just allowed this all to happen, because there is the distance ( a buffer zone that may prevent eventually feeling really hurt but at the same time forming a pseudo relationship as convoluted as it may be), I think her and I both just needed to feel loved , even if it was just hearing those words " I love you" or perhaps just wanting someone to really care.( and I know its way to early for real feelings to be happening, but I think her and I just sort of manufactured feelings because we like each other so much and we know we are both still hurting from our past relationships)
So I think she is much further ahead than I am, but I think I am pretty damn close to being completely healed and ready for a new relationship, however I think a long distance one , may not be the best idea.
It is way to soon and we did rush on so many levels , which we talked about but she says , yes from time to time she thinks about how fast we went ( literally known her 3 weeks and by week 1.5 ish she was bringing up feelings and being together in person etc) but she also says she is comfortable with the pace. I am just going to take a step back, and take it day by day, and enjoy it, and LEARN more , I am so sick of learning about relationships and I just want a normal one lol


----------



## Unique Username

Schedule a visit for the weekend of Thanksgiving. Go to Georgia and see for yourself.

First, Georgia sucks and is SO vastly different from Vermont that the drive down might change your mind itself lol

Get realistic - either of you willing to relocate for the other? why? Why Not?

Sounds to me like you both are good people. Just lonely people. And you both needed this emotional connection. SO it is what it is/was.
You may be wasting a heck of a lot of time sweet nothing-ing each other that you both are losing out on dating real people who actually live close to you


----------



## Soveryalone

Yup I am very familiar with good ole Georgia , I lived in ATL for 7 years prior to moving here to VT  I think we both realized long distance may be too much to handle at this point , I am looking at it as yet another learning experience, we shall see I suppose, anyways hope everyone had a great day


----------



## Soveryalone

Sorry , but I am so baffled again
I was honest about not feeling reading to be in a relationship, then I said I wasn't really liking the whole long distance thing, and I Really think its best if it wasn't as "serious" and this is what follows my typing is in bold , I guess my question is , how I gently say her and I shouldn't talk anymore?:scratchhead:


ME--*‎1‎:‎10‎ ‎PM hey I was going to run something by you , a friend of mine she has done the whole long distance thing several times in the past and she said it makes a lot easier to sort of take it in stride , and sort of not be as serious , more casual , and date other people as well , what do you think about that idea?*

HER
‎1‎:‎10‎ ‎PM I have no idea
1‎:‎11‎ ‎PM That's totally your call if you wanna date someone else


ME---*then I said " ok"*

HER --1‎:‎11‎ ‎PM It's not really a relationship if you talk to other people

*me
‎1‎:‎11‎ ‎PM yea
that's what I said babe*

Her--1‎:‎11‎ ‎PM If you wanna do that then just let me know


----------



## COGypsy

Not really sure how gentle you have to be. Sounds like she's just fine with breaking things off. Certainly doesn't seem terribly invested in keeping you from doing otherwise.

I'd just say that it's been great, but you think it would be better to see other people. Then don't ping her again. I'm guessing you won't hear from her either.


----------



## Jellybeans

How about CALLING HER and having the conversation in person, *SoVeryAlone.*

Gawtdamn.* Does anyone ever talk on the phone anymore?* I seem to find that everyone wants to text everything now!

Honestly though you have never met this chick before and it all seems so fast so soon, especially being that you have never SEEN her before, like in real life person.

Seems much bigger hassle than it needs to be. Just sayinggggggggggg.


----------



## Soveryalone

jellybeans SERIOUSLY !!!!! I am a total phone person, I love getting calls, I love chatting about her day , her friends/ family , her hopes and dreams, and the first couple weeks her schedule was different and we were able to talk on the phone each night and She asked to call me the other night and I just said no , and I REALIZE she is busy but I don't want her to call if she feels like she has to, or needs to , I want her to call me because she WANTS to talk to me, she wants to hear my voice , like I want to hear hers, I don't know if its her age or what she is 23 ... and she pretty much only texts/ instant messages / emails etc etc , and I am the type of person who really loves to talk on the phone , and for a long distance relationship , I think its essential, anyways , I don't think sending her a message on Skype saying " it was fun , I think we should see other people" is a very nice thing to do , I guess I will call her later


----------



## soca70

SVA- I'm going to chime in here. Not sure of how long you have been divorced or whatever. But something happened similarly to me this past July. Met someone online in Georgia also and really clicked. Emails, texts, etc for weeks. Thinking can I make this work or not. So I set up a trip for a weekend down to GA for my first date with someone in 13 years (married 12). And within 5 minutes of getting there, realized I had no physical attraction but was now committed for the weekend. Personalities, interests, etc meshed very well and we had an enjoyable, relaxed time. But for me, it turned out to be like meeting an old friend. Tried on the physical side (kissing, etc) but no dice for me. Frankly, I couldn't wait to get back home to Ohio.

The upshot is for me, I learned not to invest too much time, emotion, etc before meeting someone in person because online may not translate into real life. However, I did come away with the confidence to start dating again.

Good luck to you!


----------



## angelpixie

Soca! Sweetie! Welcome to the jungle, lol. :smthumbup: Your wisdom and experience will be helpful here. We'll just have to keep all their nicknames straight.  :rofl:


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Soca! Sweetie! Welcome to the jungle, lol. :smthumbup: Your wisdom and experience will be helpful here. We'll just have to keep all their nicknames straight.  :rofl:


Yes, as I said to my son "Bored without you? Never! I have TAM!"

I'm here reading back on page 40 and moving forward and was just reading about your first dates. You did not let me know on my thread! Can you save me 40 pages of reading and just give a quick update here please?

My wisdom and experience - ha! - - thank you for the kind words. Is that what's gained after being kicked to the curb?

So I will just update you on the dating side. On my thread, I think it may just be too much to note every coffee date unless something is significant about it. So maybe this thread can be helpful.

Have had two conversations (one yesterday and one today) with who I will name "Bogota" as she is originally from Colombia but now lives in the northern burbs of Cincinnati. Attractive, professionally successful, graduate degree, divorced, 2 teen kids. Speaks with a pronounced Spanish accent - think Sofia Vegaras from "Modern family". I have noticed I am now drawn to people who are financially stable, educated, and have a pretty cosmopolitan outlook. (As opposed to a hot body, broke and an almost desperate vulnerability from just getting out of cocaine rehab a la the X). However, I am not by any means, ruling out a hot body.

But seriously, once bitten, twice shy so at least I can see red flags from a mile away and I will not be ignoring those this go around. (And just writing that about the X - jesus what was I thinking?) And dating at 44 is different than at 29 especially with 2 kids.

Relying on two paid online sites as I travel a lot and my social circle is primarily coupled friends, the married parents at the elementary school, and church. After the "event" that was GA Peach, I've kept it to coffee dates primarily because it's there for me or it's not within 5 minutes. I think JPR stated she had a friend that had a binary code of 0s and 1s with a 0 being I would never have sex with this person or a 1 where it could be considered. I can relate to that.

Working to branch out but trying to figure out in what way and with what time.


----------



## unsure78

Well I signed up for Match.com today, its been well over a year.... time to get my binder of wtf dusted off for the emails that are about to start rolling my way... at least I can be amused and have some fun with it... Hope all is well with everyone


----------



## Jellybeans

Good luck, Unsure!


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Well I signed up for Match.com today, its been well over a year.... time to get my binder of wtf dusted off for the emails that are about to start rolling my way... at least I can be amused and have some fun with it... Hope all is well with everyone


Please don't tell us you're having that tough a time finding a good date!

Good Luck, and Good Hunting...


----------



## Soveryalone

Best of luck to you unsure


----------



## hereinthemidwest

In Illinois void POF it was down right scary. I had sooo many emails. The people were lacking Quality. Some had NO drivers Lic, Cars, lived in familes basement. Many NO JOB. Thou they were looking to date. LOL

Ya sign me up. lol


----------



## Jellybeans

hereinthemidwest said:


> In Illinois void POF it was down right scary. I had sooo many emails. The people were lacking Quality. Some had NO drivers Lic, Cars, lived in familes basement. Many NO JOB. Thou they were looking to date. LOL
> 
> Ya sign me up. lol


Sounds like you've found some soulmates! :rofl:


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Well I signed up for Match.com today, its been well over a year.... time to get my binder of wtf dusted off for the emails that are about to start rolling my way... *at least I can be amused and have some fun with it*... Hope all is well with everyone


Had this very same conversation with a co-worker yesterday. A big part of the whole dating again topic was settled around the how many late 20 something will be looking for something really serious? 

And NOT be incredibly insane. I know they are out there based on this site. That kinda helps.


----------



## Soveryalone

I sort of assumed people in their late 20's were done partying and ready to settle down ?


----------



## Awakening2012

Good luck, Unsure! Soca, thanks for shasring your experience -- I totally agree, it does not make sense to linger too long over email or phone. I am not dating yet, but when I did (7 years ago -- which is how I met my now XH, so you see how that worked out - LOL!), if they don't ask me out after a couple of communications, I would just say something like "You sound like a really great guy, but I'm just not really an email and phone type person." They would either get the hint and set up a date, or float away -- no worries either way. Had an old saying with girlfriends who were doing the online dating thing, too. If a guy did not take the initiative to pursue you, ask you out, etc. he is not that into you so "pass the butter" (i.e. "Next, please!")  

My best advice: Keep communications light and breezy initially (avoid any heavy conversations), and realize you may have to go on some "duty dates" before finding your next gem -- refrain from taking them or yourself too seriously, consider them all just practice 

Cheers,- A12


----------



## Soveryalone

At the start -Don't be too light and breezy though in my opinion , I think each person / situation is different and needs to be "read" properly , feel someone out with some light humor at first , see where that leads , I love to be casual and sort of silly / jokey , toss some jokes out ( not knock knock jokes) and see what kind of reaction you get, if you don't get the reaction you were hoping for , just bail on it, say " oh I was totally kidding" if they are feeling it , go with it


----------



## Pbartender

Soveryalone said:


> ...see what kind of reaction you get, if you don't get the reaction you were hoping for , just bail on it, say " oh I was totally kidding"...


:slap:

Oh, SVA... "I was totally kidding" never fools anyone.

Learn how to be witty without being insulting, and you'll never have to use it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Soveryalone said:


> I sort of assumed people in their late 20's were done partying and ready to settle down ?


 Age is just a number. Some people, more mature, still like to get their party on. Lifestyle.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Please don't tell us you're having that tough a time finding a good date!
> 
> Good Luck, and Good Hunting...


LOL PB, finding a date is easy... finding one that I actually really like very hard....


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> LOL PB, finding a date is easy... finding one that I actually really like very hard....


The truth :iagree:


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> LOL PB, finding a date is easy... finding one that I actually really like very hard....


Oh, yeah... That's why I said "finding a _good_ date" and not just "finding a date". 

If you ever need a break from the WTF, you know where to find me...


----------



## Garry2012

Yeah, thats why i put myself back on hiatus. Dates are easy...good dates with a match...eh...takes some work.


----------



## ladylaker

My divorce was final the end of March (2013). I've been on a few dates, but it seems as though the men are only interested in "getting some". They really seem to expect it upon the first date. What's up with that? 
The dating sites are full of liars. AND why does it seem as if every man on the planet thinks Claudia Schiffer is going to be knocking on their door?? The new dating world sucks big time. Singles Events seem to be the biggest secret ever. I just found out that the American Legions and Knights of Columbus have Single Dances once a month, apparently they put these on at almost every post! No ads in the paper, no radio ads, nothing on the websites. It reminds me of flipping High School. If you weren't in a popular "Clique" then you weren't invited or 'in the know crowd'.


----------



## Garry2012

ladylaker said:


> My divorce was final the end of March (2013). I've been on a few dates, but it seems as though the men are only interested in "getting some". They really seem to expect it upon the first date. What's up with that?
> The dating sites are full of liars. AND why does it seem as if every man on the planet thinks Claudia Schiffer is going to be knocking on their door?? The new dating world sucks big time. Singles Events seem to be the biggest secret ever. I just found out that the American Legions and Knights of Columbus have Single Dances once a month, apparently they put these on at almost every post! No ads in the paper, no radio ads, nothing on the websites. It reminds me of flipping High School. If you weren't in a popular "Clique" then you weren't invited or 'in the know crowd'.


Try meetup.com. I have joined 9 different groups, some singles, that just do things in groups...so if you hit it off great, if not, its a nice night out. I have a singles vollyball game tomorrow night, singles football game watching on sunday pm and a happy hour on tuesday. There are like 10 things going on this weekend in the groups im in....i just liked these.


----------



## angelpixie

Happy Friday, everyone!


----------



## Disenchanted

Happy Eff day!!


----------



## Soveryalone

happy Friday to you !!! So just when I was totally and completely moving on, and had forgotten my ex, who tried her best to shatter my heart and soul.... she decided yesterday was the day she " was so very sorry for hurting me, and I deserve to be happy , and happy for life" blah blah blah , the email exchange was quite funny, I would post it here, however I would be banned for language


----------



## angelpixie

Ah to have the emotional clarity at the time to just say "Yes, you're right" and then respond no further. Been there, too, SVA. The apology was for her, not you, unfortunately.


----------



## Pbartender

Soveryalone said:


> ...she decided yesterday was the day she " was so very sorry for hurting me, and I deserve to be happy , and happy for life" blah blah blah...


*Translation:* "Oh, I was totally kidding."


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Happy Friday, everyone!


mwhahahahaha

:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> *Translation:* "Oh, I was totally kidding."



Buuuuuuuuuuurrrnn!!


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Love this. And ooh la la.
> 
> It's been awhile for me. DAMMIT. It has been AWHILE.
> 
> Happy Friday, everyone!





Soveryalone said:


> hshe decided yesterday was the day she " was so very sorry for hurting me, and I deserve to be happy , and happy for life" blah blah blah , the email exchange was quite funny, I would post it here, however I would be banned for language


At least you got an apology. To this day, I have never heard my exH tell me he was sorry about what went down.


----------



## Jellybeans

Was just thinking how funny it would be if us TAMers had a TAM speed-dating event. Who would hit it off? Who would want to slap someone? Who would hate eachother? Who would walk off into the moonlight together? FUNNY.

By the way, I am totally digging the Life After Divorce crew lately. It seems this section was a bit slow before (not as many posts). Maybe a lot of us have moved along in our journey so we are able to laugh and have fun about it all now or maybe it's just a different vibe. I dig it!


----------



## angelpixie

Totally agree, JB!


----------



## Dollystanford

Damn, I'd probably end up with NSweet 

Or Angelpixie (which is fine by me)


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Damn, I'd probably end up with NSweet
> 
> *Or Angelpixie (which is fine by me)*













(then again, I'm sure there are a few guys here who might like to see that, too)


----------



## Disenchanted

I think a ladies of TAM mud wrestling event is in order


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> I think a ladies of TAM mud wrestling event is in order



Mud? I think not.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jello? Oil? Whatever!!


----------



## Awakening2012

Dollystanford said:


> Damn, I'd probably end up with NSweet
> 
> Or Angelpixie (which is fine by me)


:rofl: :rofl::rofl:

A meet up of this crew would make for an interesting mixer, for sure!


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


>


Adorable smiley!

I only wrestle in jellybeans!


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Adorable smiley!
> 
> I only wrestle in jellybeans!



Ooooh, there's an idea! :smthumbup:


----------



## ShockwaveRider

Well, I find myself "suddenly available".

Haven't had sex with anyone or anything in almost 6 years so any concern over STDs is N/A.

Might be kinda "out of practice" however.

Any takers?

Shockwave


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> (then again, I'm sure there are a few guys here who might like to see that, too)


Suit yourselves, I'm easy.


----------



## Soveryalone

I would so love to speed date !!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Was just thinking how funny it would be if us TAMers had a TAM speed-dating event. Who would hit it off? Who would want to slap someone? Who would hate eachother? Who would walk off into the moonlight together? FUNNY.
> 
> By the way, I am totally digging the Life After Divorce crew lately. It seems this section was a bit slow before (not as many posts). Maybe a lot of us have moved along in our journey so we are able to laugh and have fun about it all now or maybe it's just a different vibe. I dig it!


Heh I know I'll be slapped by half the members straight off the bat


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Heh I know I'll be slapped by half the members straight off the bat


Don't be so sure


----------



## Paradise

Jellybeans said:


> Was just thinking how funny it would be if us TAMers had a TAM speed-dating event. Who would hit it off? Who would want to slap someone? Who would hate eachother? Who would walk off into the moonlight together? FUNNY.
> 
> By the way, I am totally digging the Life After Divorce crew lately. It seems this section was a bit slow before (not as many posts). Maybe a lot of us have moved along in our journey so we are able to laugh and have fun about it all now or maybe it's just a different vibe. I dig it!


Ha! This would be awesome! How about a weekend in sin city or a TAM cruise? I bet you TAM ladies would get all crazy wild with a few drinks in you!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Paradise said:


> Ha! This would be awesome! How about a weekend in sin city or a TAM cruise? I bet you TAM ladies would get all crazy wild with a few drinks in you!


I'm totally up for Vegas


----------



## Disenchanted

One of me meetup groups is doing a speed dating thing tomorrow night. I'm too chicken.


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> One of me meetup groups is doing a speed dating thing tomorrow night. I'm too chicken.


Be Afraid!! Be very Afraid!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> At least you got an apology. To this day, I have never heard my exH tell me he was sorry about what went down.


I got sort-of apologies at the very beginning. By the end of it all, it was more like "I'm sorry that you drove me to this position where I had to do this to you. You have no idea how hard it is on me to have to act this way. But it's all because of you."


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> Be Afraid!! Be very Afraid!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm a big 6'3" monster that's skeered of pretty little things, lol


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> I got sort-of apologies at the very beginning. By the end of it all, it was more like "I'm sorry that you drove me to this position where I had to do this to you. You have no idea how hard it is on me to have to act this way. But it's all because of you."


Hey! I'm still getting that!


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> I'm a big 6'3" monster that's skeered of pretty little things, lol


And they know it . Easy target
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> I'm a big 6'3" monster that's skeered of pretty little things, lol


I'm 5'3"....Lmao


----------



## Paradise

angelpixie said:


> I got sort-of apologies at the very beginning. By the end of it all, it was more like "I'm sorry that you drove me to this position where I had to do this to you. You have no idea how hard it is on me to have to act this way. But it's all because of you."


Well, you got me beat on that. Take out the sorry part and that's the line I got.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm 5'3"....Lmao



That is a perfect height


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> I got sort-of apologies at the very beginning. By the end of it all, it was more like "I'm sorry that you drove me to this position where I had to do this to you. You have no idea how hard it is on me to have to act this way. But it's all because of you."


After I caught her sexting with a co-worker, I got, "I'm sorry you found out."


----------



## Paradise

Pbartender said:


> After I caught her sexting with a co-worker, I got, "I'm sorry you found out."


We sure picked some real sweet peaches, didn't we? I look back on all of the wonderful gals I dated before I decided to be with my ex and I now wonder what the hell I was thinking. Too bad back in my younger days I allowed my little head to do my thinking for me.


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> I got sort-of apologies at the very beginning. By the end of it all, it was more like "I'm sorry that you drove me to this position where I had to do this to you. You have no idea how hard it is on me to have to act this way. But it's all because of you."



Now that's an apology , bet ya felt better yeah :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> I think a ladies of TAM mud wrestling event is in order


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Soveryalone said:


> I would so love to speed date !!!!


Wtf is a speed date exactly anyway ?
Yep, l'm a long time of the planet of dating.


----------



## whitehawk

Mine will still apologize if things come up and they are sad , sometimes teary .
l honestly still do not know even now , just where to sorta put them in all this.
Like what is sorry if your quitting no matter what , your not gonna honour your vows and work on your marriage , to hell with them , to hell with your 12yld daughter growing up in a broken family , wtf is sooooo sorry but l'm doing it anyway , what is that ?
But , l guess l'm a damn site better off than a lot of people just by at least getting them .


----------



## whitehawk

Paradise said:


> We sure picked some real sweet peaches, didn't we? I look back on all of the wonderful gals I dated before I decided to be with my ex and I now wonder what the hell I was thinking. Too bad back in my younger days I allowed my little head to do my thinking for me.


Yeah it's a mind boggling thing. There was really no one else l'd ever wanted to marry before.
l mostly always felt l chose the best by a mile but strangely , of our last 3 -4 yrs l did start to waver and wonder.
There were still always ways with us that we were very different and they seemed to be mattering in a few big ways finally.
l would have fort on though .


----------



## LivingAgain

Pbartender said:


> After I caught her sexting with a co-worker, I got, "I'm sorry you found out."


Yes, they are sorry they got caught, not that they did it....


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Wtf is a speed date exactly anyway ?
> Yep, l'm a long time of the planet of dating.


Speed Dating with Style - FastLife International - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## aston

fast women lol, I guess it's the back up plan for a second home after taking the first fro mthe ex? LOL


----------



## Pbartender

aston said:


> fast women lol, I guess it's the back up plan for a second home after taking the first fro mthe ex? LOL


_"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."_ *- Rod Stewart*


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> _"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."_ *- Rod Stewart*


Got it, maybe l'll find one that's got her own house and just use hers 
Do know one with a cool beach house , she's a touch crazy but as dad use to say, you never get everything :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Got it, maybe l'll find one that's got her own house and just use hers


No, no. You have to use yours, too. Separation of houses in in order. LOL.


----------



## Garry2012

Pbartender said:


> _"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."_ *- Rod Stewart*


Yeah...i like this. Instead of getting married again, Ill just invite a couple strangers into my house and tell them to take whatever they think is fair while im at work. I like the fun of finding outin 6 months what was taken when I absolutely need it.


----------



## whitehawk

Next date l go on we'll just cut through the chase and separate afterwards . Save everyone a whole lot of trouble :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Dang, life keeps me from posting for a few days and look what I missed. I did learn some valuable life lessons while I was gone though. :rofl:

How is everyone?


----------



## angelpixie

Quite well, MR! In fact, I seem to have found myself a hat, believe it or not. 

Pray, tell us what life lessons you've learned!


----------



## angelpixie

Just saw this tonight, and while it cracked me up, it also struck fear into my heart. 

Man Who Has Something Seriously Wrong With Him On A Fundamental Level Leaves That Part Off ******* Profile | Video | The Onion - America's Finest News Source


----------



## 2galsmom

Usually I find the Onion hilarious. THAT however, was a little too close to the bone.


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Quite well, MR! In fact, I seem to have found myself a hat, believe it or not.
> 
> Pray, tell us what life lessons you've learned!


:smthumbup: Alright, way to go AP!

It seems I can be a heartbreaker for the low self esteem, needy, 30 something crowd. :rofl: I went to a meet and greet, did a little flirting. Some woman starts telling people that I am her reason to live, she was ready to kill herself until she met me. I had to spend 2 days talking her off the ledge after I told her there is no relationship in our future.
Life lesson: Be careful with whom you flirt!:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

2galsmom said:


> Usually I find the Onion hilarious. THAT however, was a little too close to the bone.



I know, right?


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> :smthumbup: Alright, way to go AP!
> 
> It seems I can be a heartbreaker for the low self esteem, needy, 30 something crowd. :rofl: I went to a meet and greet, did a little flirting. Some woman starts telling people that I am her reason to live, she was ready to kill herself until she met me. I had to spend 2 days talking her off the ledge after I told her there is no relationship in our future.
> Life lesson: Be careful with whom you flirt!:rofl:


Holy cats, MR! How do you end up with these women?!


----------



## 2galsmom

angelpixie said:


> I know, right?


I suppose the only saving grace here is that a true N/BPD/sociopath/clusterB would tell you the divorce was the other person's fault, they just loved too much, gave too much, tried so hard and the other person could just not match them blah blah blah

So muskrat, did the woman start telling people that right after you flirted with her? Also scary.


----------



## muskrat

I have mystical powers to attract the crazy, desperate, needy, etc women.
I haven't found the right store for hat shopping yet. Sooner or later I will find the spot where descent hats are. Until then well, life's a party. lol


----------



## muskrat

2galsmom said:


> I suppose the only saving grace here is that a true N/BPD/sociopath/clusterB would tell you the divorce was the other person's fault, they just loved too much, gave too much, tried so hard and the other person could just not match them blah blah blah
> 
> So muskrat, did the woman start telling people that right after you flirted with her? Also scary.


It was a weekend camp out. I flirted fri night. I left for a few hours on sat to attend another event, when I came back a few people I knew told me that this lady was talking all day about how she now has a reason to live. I avoided her all night. Then on sun when I went to leave she asked for a kiss goodbye. I laughed and left (no kiss). I got home and she sent me an im talking about our relationship. That began my explaining there is no relationship. Then came all the depression and suicide talk.

Why the heck can't I find one woman that is worth actually taking on a date?

Oh, she wasn't the only woman I flirted with at the meet. I have been contacted by a few. The more I chat with them, the more I think I should just stay single. :scratchhead:


----------



## 2galsmom

muskrat said:


> It was a weekend camp out. I flirted fri night. I left for a few hours on sat to attend another event, when I came back a few people I knew told me that this lady was talking all day about how she now has a reason to live. I avoided her all night. Then on sun when I went to leave she asked for a kiss goodbye. I laughed and left (no kiss). I got home and she sent me an im talking about our relationship. That began my explaining there is no relationship. Then came all the depression and suicide talk.
> 
> Why the heck can't I find one woman that is worth actually taking on a date?
> 
> Oh, she wasn't the only woman I flirted with at the meet. I have been contacted by a few. The more I chat with them, the more I think I should just stay single. :scratchhead:


Well, Muskrat when I read that it was not immediately after you flirted I was about to say - meh. Nevermind. How horrible. No one needs that, suicide talk is no laughing matter.

Remember, you don't have to flirt. Just be nice and see where it goes and don't worry about dating. Good luck.


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> It was a weekend camp out. I flirted fri night. I left for a few hours on sat to attend another event, when I came back a few people I knew told me that this lady was talking all day about how she now has a reason to live. I avoided her all night. Then on sun when I went to leave she asked for a kiss goodbye. I laughed and left (no kiss). I got home and she sent me an im talking about our relationship. That began my explaining there is no relationship. Then came all the depression and suicide talk.
> 
> Why the heck can't I find one woman that is worth actually taking on a date?
> 
> Oh, she wasn't the only woman I flirted with at the meet. I have been contacted by a few. The more I chat with them, the more I think I should just stay single. :scratchhead:


I don't think you need to stay single, I just think you should be extra careful to see who's sponsoring the camp-outs before you go.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Quite well, MR! In fact, I seem to have found myself a hat, believe it or not.


Do tell...


----------



## muskrat

Pbartender said:


> Do tell...


:iagree: Let's have all the juicy details!


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Do tell...





muskrat said:


> :iagree: Let's have all the juicy details!



Sorry, boys. Ladies do not kiss and tell. 






And neither do pixies.


----------



## 2galsmom

angelpixie said:


> Sorry, boys. Ladies do not kiss and tell.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And neither do pixies.


Will a lady tell another lady what a hat is?


----------



## angelpixie

2galsmom said:


> I don't know what a hat means.
> 
> And are we the TAM singles? Everywhere else I am "divorced" and not single, is it really important to make that distinction?


'Trying on different hats' was a euphemistic phrase for dating relationships coined by another TAMer some time back. 

And after other discussions here, the consensus is that it is mostly a matter of preference, or maybe context. Some people think in terms of 'married' or 'single', and under the heading of 'single,' there would be 'never married,' 'divorced,' or 'widowed.' How detailed someone wants to be is generally up to them. This thread was started for those of us who are divorced or no longer partnered (if they were not married), who are now finding themselves back in the dating scene. Easier to sum it up as 'The singles of TAM,' rather than 'The divorced men and women, and those who are no longer in committed relationships, of TAM.' :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Ooooh!!!! How would you describe this hat??


----------



## angelpixie

It shouldn't! I know I'm in much better health now, lol!


----------



## Dollystanford

Dolly has a nice new very sexy hat to try on this week


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Dolly has a nice new very sexy hat to try on this week


Nice!


----------



## RandomDude

angelpixie said:


> 'Trying on different hats' was a euphemistic phrase for dating relationships coined by another TAMer some time back.
> 
> And after other discussions here, the consensus is that it is mostly a matter of preference, or maybe context. Some people think in terms of 'married' or 'single', and under the heading of 'single,' there would be 'never married,' 'divorced,' or 'widowed.' How detailed someone wants to be is generally up to them. This thread was started for those of us who are divorced or no longer partnered (if they were not married), who are now finding themselves back in the dating scene. Easier to sum it up as 'The singles of TAM,' rather than 'The divorced men and women, and those who are no longer in committed relationships, of TAM.' :rofl:


I wonder what am I then =/

Seperated for 8 months, can't divorce by law until next year. Heck, should I even consider myself single?


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Sorry, boys. Ladies do not kiss and tell.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And neither do pixies.


How about kissing and posting videos to YouTube? Do pixies do that?


----------



## jpr

Mmmmmm....hats.


yum.

I tried on an old hat last night. It was good.


----------



## whitehawk

This ain't fair , l have no hats to try on right now , not one


----------



## RandomDude

Turned down my date tonight to head out clubbing, thought I told her that my daughter is with me every weekend, even if I'm stuck at home because she's sick. Not a good sign, was she even listening to half I said on our date a few days ago? Meh

And am I really expected to call/text someone so soon after the first date? I hope she's not a clinger because she's actually one of the better looking dates I've had this year... would be a hell of a shame... BAH!


----------



## RandomDude

Errr, can't remember. Half the time I don't remember what I post on this forum. And hell sometimes I post random crap. As for not being ready to date, agreed. Not enjoying the dating scene? Well... I did enjoy that date, somewhat, and she's cute.

As for not needing to date, agreed. There's no pressure, I wasn't going to ask her out actually but well, she... wouldn't... stop... staring!!! =/


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> How about kissing and posting videos to YouTube? Do pixies do that?


and from another thread:



Pbartender said:


> But if you do, make sure to record it on video and post it on YouTube.
> 
> :smthumbup:


Pbar, I'm a little concerned about your predilection for people video-ing themselves and posting it on YouTube for you.


----------



## Pbartender

I grew up the middle child in a BIG family. Convincing people I like to publicly humiliate themselves is a hobby of mine...

And YouTube makes it almost too easy.


----------



## CEL

This begs the question guys what kind of hat are you? Cowboy? Fedora? Beanie? Beret? Trilby? Bucket? Top Hat? 


Here is me. Yes it is the Mad Hatter Hat.....


----------



## angelpixie

Does a tiara count as a hat? :rofl:










No, I'd like to think I'm classic and stylish, yet fun, so maybe a pillbox.


----------



## angelpixie

And, CEL, I must mention that I'm impressed with your knowledge of men's hats, particularly your inclusion of the trilby. This summer I was at a baseball game with DS, and there were a few hipsters sitting behind us in the stands. A few times, one of them referred to his 'fedora.' It was actually a trilby.

It nearly ruined my enjoyment of the game.


----------



## CEL

angelpixie said:


> And, CEL, I must mention that I'm impressed with your knowledge of men's hats, particularly your inclusion of the trilby. This summer I was at a baseball game with DS, and there were a few hipsters sitting behind us in the stands. A few times, one of them referred to his 'fedora.' It was actually a trilby.
> 
> It nearly ruined my enjoyment of the game.




Well to be honest I cheated I looked it up before posting.  I try not to make fool of myself if I can help it.


----------



## Pbartender

Hrm... I've got a lot of hats...

I usually go for trilbies, pork pies and cabbie hats. One of these days, I need to get myself bowler.

I've even got an... *AHEM!* ...hard hat at work.


----------



## angelpixie

Isn't that difficult to explain to your co-workers?


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> And, CEL, I must mention that I'm impressed with your knowledge of men's hats, particularly your inclusion of the trilby. This summer I was at a baseball game with DS, and there were a few hipsters sitting behind us in the stands. A few times, one of them referred to his 'fedora.' It was actually a trilby.
> 
> It nearly ruined my enjoyment of the game.


Some professional hat shops do refer to them as "stingy brim fedoras"... Though, I doubt the hipsters knew that, either.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Isn't that difficult to explain to your co-workers?


No... We've all got them.

But I'm the only one who wears it on a regular basis.


----------



## unsure78

Hi all just stopping in... Nothing really to new.. Have a couple of dates for later this week, but no real expectations. Geeze Muskrat you get all the crazy ones...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Hi all just stopping in... Nothing really to new.. Have a couple of dates for later this week, but no real expectations. Geeze Muskrat you get all the crazy ones...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey unsure. How r things?


----------



## jpr

I think I am most like a sweaty baseball hat that fits your head perfectly.


----------



## whitehawk

2galsmom said:


> Random Dude, was it your post that prompted another poster to advise laying off dating for a while? This may be a good idea. It does not sound like you are either ready to date or even remotely enjoying the dating scene. You are not even divorced yet and have a ways to go on the journey to recovery, you do not NEED to date. Focus on other areas of your life for a while, see if that happens and lower the pressure on yourself. I suspect when you are happier about yourself and you have changed your attitude in general that the "hat" situation will improve.


Wise words 2gals. l complain jokingly really especially when l see everyone else getting some action but truth is , l don't really mind . l'm still a fkg mess


----------



## Jellybeans

What I want to know is why all you cool cats are posting on TAM instead of getting your Saturday night fun on? 

Hehehe (says the woman who just came home from filling up her gas tank).

But I just poured a glass of red so it's ON now. LOL


----------



## CEL

Jellybeans said:


> What I want to know is why all you cool cats are posting on TAM instead of getting your Saturday night fun on?
> 
> Hehehe (says the woman who just came home from filling up her gas tank).
> 
> But I just poured a glass of red so it's ON now. LOL


Is it ON like Donkey Kong tho?


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> What I want to know is why all you cool cats are posting on TAM instead of getting your Saturday night fun on?
> 
> Hehehe (says the woman who just came home from filling up her gas tank).
> 
> But I just poured a glass of red so it's ON now. LOL


Well they make me feel better anyway, a glass of reds about mine too.
l just dropped my d off after 6 days while working 10hr days 8 straight trying to finish a job , l've had the gong for now :rofl:
Hey so just to be safe , l've bolted the door to keep all the girls from harassing me, just too damn tired. I'm afraid they'll just have to get in the Que and be patient :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

CEL said:


> Is it ON like Donkey Kong tho?


Oh it is!!

Angel, you deserve a a relaxing night after crazy past days!


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> What I want to know is why all you cool cats are posting on TAM instead of getting your Saturday night fun on?


Two reasons...


D14
S15


----------



## Jellybeans

You can still have a rockin Saturday night with them, Pbar!


----------



## angelpixie

I just got home from the first contra dance of the new season. Kind of wasn't feelin' it this time around. Wore jeans for the first time ever (usually _always_ wear a skirt or dress), but of course, I had a good time. We had a huge turn-out with a ton of newbies, including a huge bunch of college students. So the dancing itself wasn't the best, but it was great to introduce so many new people to contra, and Hey, it wasn't so long ago that I was a newbie, too, lol. 

I was asked to be the overall Volunteer Coordinator for this year's dances, which is kind of cool. I did all of the different volunteer jobs at least once last season, so they said I was their first choice at the recent board meeting.  Between that, and the way people were greeting me tonight, I really feel like I'm a part of their community now, and not just on the sidelines. So even though it was difficult to take that chance, I'm living proof that it can turn out well, fellow introverted TAM singles! :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Way to go AP, seems you are having a great time.


Sorry I missed the wine festival last night. The kids and I were at a community fair at our church. There were 3 live bands and lots of games. It was a great time.
I am also learning to be more outgoing with people I don't know. I chatted up a lady while her D and my kids were watching a presentation by a zoologist. I didn't ask her name or number, just made pleasant small talk. That in it self is a big step for me. I don't know why but I really struggle to start conversations with new people, well except for at meet and greets. Granted I have alcohol assistance at those. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

2galsmom said:


> Well good for your muskrat and angelpixie!
> 
> Angelpixie what is a contra? I think of Oliver North.


LOL -- I did, too, 2gals. It's a form of folk dancing that I got into about a year and a half ago. 'Contra' comes from the French 'contre' because the dances usually start with lines of people facing each other. It's loads of fun, great exercise, and you don't have to have a partner in order to go (which was what finally sold me). There's a caller, like in square dance, but usually just til everyone gets the steps down. My son is trying it a bit now and then, too. Across the country, groups have been expanding the types of music they're using, too, so it's not just more Celtic or bluegrass.

This video is a great description of the 'feel' of contra and some of the social aspects. My group doesn't segregate by age, however. We have all ages from my son's to an 87-year-old guy, god bless him. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuPbte5knOY

Here's one I just found on YouTube of an actual dance. I actually recognize this tune, lol.

Contra Dance at NEFFA 2013 (1) - YouTube

Not everyone's cup of tea, I'm sure. But it's been something that's given me a huge lift.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I am also learning to be more outgoing with people I don't know. I chatted up a lady while her D and my kids were watching a presentation by a zoologist. I didn't ask her name or number, just made pleasant small talk. That in it self is a big step for me.


That is great  It's little steps that go a long way. Who knows, maybe next time you can get some one's digits!

Angel- woo hoo on being the coordinator this year. Congrats!


----------



## Pbartender

muskrat said:


> I am also learning to be more outgoing with people I don't know. I chatted up a lady while her D and my kids were watching a presentation by a zoologist. I didn't ask her name or number, just made pleasant small talk. That in it self is a big step for me.


Definitely keep that up... :smthumbup:

If can get yourself real good and comfortable with that, it's a short step to asking someone you like out for a date... and it's also a big defense against rejection, as well.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> You can still have a rockin Saturday night with them, Pbar!


Oh... We did.


----------



## muskrat

How is everyone doing on this fine rainy Friday?


----------



## Jellybeans

Raining cats and dogs here.
Doing good.

You?


----------



## RandomDude

> How is everyone doing on this fine rainy Friday?


I'm TURNING GAY!!!!!!!

Haha, or maybe I'm just going crazy without sex


----------



## angelpixie

I thought you posted that you weren't into it with your most recent date, RD. Wasn't that you?


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah thats why I reckon I'm turning gay!


----------



## angelpixie

No, probably more like you're not yet over your divorce. You still thought the girl was attractive. You still liked seeing her in her swimsuit. Now if _that_ was even a problem, then I'd wonder, if I was you.


----------



## RandomDude

... ok fine maybe not gay... maybe just gone crazy lol

Wait... gay guys find women attractive too, and also appreciate feminine beauty =/

OMG I could still be turning gay!


----------



## jpr

Hi Muskrat!

...I am waiting to watch some baseball in a couple of hours.

....and maybe drink a beer or two too!


----------



## Pbartender

muskrat said:


> How is everyone doing on this fine rainy Friday?


It's bright and sunshiney, here.


----------



## muskrat

Well it is still raining here. Just got home from a field trip with my bil and a friend. Roads are closed everywhere from all the flooding. Looks like you all are stuck with me for the night.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Hi Muskrat!
> 
> ...I am waiting to watch some baseball in a couple of hours.
> 
> ....and maybe drink a beer or two too!


Hi JPR.
As much as dislike them I guess I can root for the Cards just this once.


----------



## bandit.45

Rat you should come hunt with me next month. I pulled a mule deer tag in a nice area. It's near Sedona. Lots of cute hippie girls there to schmooze with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Rat you should come hunt with me next month. I pulled a mule deer tag in a nice area. It's near Sedona. Lots of cute hippie girls there to schmooze with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol, How are you doing, haven't seen you around in awhile.

Congrats on the mulie tag, make sure to attach it to a nice one.


----------



## Disenchanted

Hunting with hippie girls, hmm something isn't adding up. What are you hunting? Oats and berries?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Hunting with hippie girls, hmm something isn't adding up. What are you hunting? Oats and berries?


Nah. We stay in Sedona , hunt out in the desert during the day, and then at night get cleaned up and hit one of those organic restaurants that serve gourmet bean curd, wheat grass and kombucha tea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

This how things usually go when my traveling includes women.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> This how things usually go when my traveling includes women.


Yeah. Makes the idea of hiring a hooker more appealing. 

Not that I ever would.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Hey! Thanks for your support, Muskrat.




...it has been raining here for 4 days straight too. No fun!


----------



## angelpixie

I'm sitting here at home, while DS and his friend are playing Roblox and eating pizza. Not raining, and no longer sunny. It's dark now, lol.


----------



## muskrat

Tight game JPR, will the Cards pull it out?

Hi AP, how is your new hat?


----------



## jpr

I hope so, MR! 

This is going to be a tough series. The Dodgers have a lot of high-priced, big name talent on their team.


----------



## angelpixie

Things are going very well, MR. We don't get to spend time together too often, which sucks. But we do spend a lot of time talking and getting to know each other, so that's great.


----------



## muskrat

I never liked teams that tried to buy a championship. As much as it pains me, GO CARDS.


You know AP, that can be a good thing. You are forced to take things slow. Helps to avoid getting swept up and missing any red flags.


----------



## jpr

How about you, MR? Any new hats?


----------



## muskrat

Nope, still haven't found a hat that fits my style. I have managed to find someone interesting, but she lives a few states away. I doubt we will ever be more than chat buddies.
The hats that want to try me, don't appeal to me and the ones that I would like to know better don't seem interested.


----------



## muskrat

Well the Cards won game one, congrats. 
I missed the ending, fell asleep in the top of 13th.


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> Well the Cards won game one, congrats.
> I missed the ending, fell asleep in the top of 13th.


Carlos Beltran....


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> This how things usually go when my traveling includes women.


Women tend to be hornier on their periods.


----------



## Disenchanted

Cause they always want what they can't have.


----------



## 2galsmom

Millions of people have sex while the woman is having her period. That is what Jellybeans is politely trying to tell you. Some have the a solider is not afraid of a bloody war philosophy as my friend put it.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lol it wouldn't stop me, haha. I just like being a wiseass.


----------



## muskrat

:rofl: That post was a joke!!! Never intended to turn this into a debate on who has earned their "red wings". :rofl:


Beyond that I will say nothing more on this subject. I doubt anyone wants to hear all the bloody details. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## Disenchanted




----------



## Pbartender




----------



## Jellybeans

You guys are cracking me up. I love Tina Fey, Angel. Did you watch 30 Rock? She was hilarious on that. 

It has dawned on me that I am ready for "dating." I never thought I'd say that after my D Or rather, I couldn't imagine it for a long long time but it is true. I am.


----------



## muskrat

Welcome to the adventure that dating is.

Hmmm, you are on the east coast aren't you?:rofl:


----------



## hope4family

Funny....

For only having one partner. I have accomplished so much......


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Welcome to the adventure that dating is.
> 
> Hmmm, you are on the east coast aren't you?:rofl:


Hey, MR -- someone who's not crazy!! :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Hey, MR -- someone who's not crazy!! :smthumbup:


Are you sure AP? 
If you are right, I stand no chance. Only the crazy ones like me.:rofl:


----------



## 2galsmom

Good luck with dating Jellybeans. How exciting, I hope you meet someone nice. Funny how after a divorce Mental Stability goes to the top of the list, forget the rush for STD testing. I am going to subject them to Rorschachs and Anger Management tests. THEN I will worry about Herpes!


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> Hunting with hippie girls, hmm something isn't adding up. What are you hunting? Oats and berries?


My x reckons l need a hippy chick with my alternative fk the rules mind and - my taste in girls . None round here , l'm screwed !


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> You guys are cracking me up. I love Tina Fey, Angel. Did you watch 30 Rock? She was hilarious on that.
> 
> It has dawned on me that I am ready for "dating." I never thought I'd say that after my D Or rather, I couldn't imagine it for a long long time but it is true. I am.



Look the fk out , sounds like we're gonna have a loose JB running a muck :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> Good luck with dating Jellybeans. How exciting, I hope you meet someone nice.


Well, now the thing is just meeting someone(s). I just feel ready.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Well, now the thing is just meeting someone(s). I just feel ready.


How long did it take you roughly to feel ready? 

I'm in a people suck mindset lately...don't even want to make new friends let alone date...

I was told I should get out there and date. But I feel so crabby and almost bitter that I don't think that is a good idea.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well it's been just over 4 years since the separation...........

Don't get me wrong, I made attempts at "dating" but really do not think I was as clear-headed as I am now. I had a wall up before. Maybe I still kind of do but I guess I am ready for some itneraction. Also I have not gotten laid in awhile. I miss that. SIGH. But alas, I need a connection for THAT part. LAAAME.


----------



## RandomDude

FOUR YEARS?!

It makes my meager 8 months a joke... how do other people move on so fast? 

It sux


----------



## COGypsy

I think being ready to date is kind of like getting over the stomach flu. You know you're feeling better when stuff starts to sound good again. No sense in forcing yourself out into the world if you're just not feeling it. Once getting out there and mixing it up with people starts to sound appealing though, you know you're in the home stretch and ready to join the world again.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> I feel so crabby and almost bitter that I don't think that is a good idea.


You have no idea how good this is to hear. 

I'm just not a happy person to be around. I don't feel angry at women really or anything like that, it's just really hard for me to have (and be) fun.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> FOUR YEARS?!
> 
> It makes my meager 8 months a joke... how do other people move on so fast?
> 
> It sux


You have to remember though--my divorce was really hard on me and fcked me up pretty bad for awhile; Also, I have not ever been nor ever will I be one of those "I have to be in a relationship or I'll die" people.

As far as how to people move on so fast? They are just wired for it. I am not/was not. I have never been one to go from relationship to relationship. I think folks that do either had no feelings for their previous partner and/or were over it long before the actual "end" happened. So that is why it's so easy for them to carry on like a marriage never happened. I am not knocking those who are that way but it's not something that I experienced. I am simply not built that way.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Well it's been just over 4 years since the separation...........
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I made attempts at "dating" but really do not think I was as clear-headed as I am now. *I had a wall up before.* Maybe I still kind of do but I guess I am ready for some itneraction. Also I have not gotten laid in awhile. I miss that. SIGH. But alas, I need a connection for THAT part. LAAAME.


Totally where I am at right now. I was alot better last year during this time. It seems with heartache and seeing people's POS behaviors really helps get that wall built up quite fast even after there was barely a couple bricks left of it...



COGypsy said:


> I think being ready to date is kind of like getting over the stomach flu. You know you're feeling better when stuff starts to sound good again. No sense in forcing yourself out into the world if you're just not feeling it. Once getting out there and mixing it up with people starts to sound appealing though, you know you're in the home stretch and ready to join the world again.


Laughing and having a good time seem ok. Dating and making friends which will require me to open up and share myself sound like standing in front of a firing squad....I can't seem to do more than be superficial with people. Even people I have known for 20+ years. I feel myself shutting down and just being a shell of my former self. Laugh and tell jokes and be sarcastic. And even then I feel strange and awkward. 



Disenchanted said:


> You have no idea how good this is to hear.
> 
> I'm just not a happy person to be around. I don't feel angry at women really or anything like that, it's just really hard for me to have (and be) fun.


Yup. I don't know when this change happened in me, but I am right here with you, Dis. I'm not angry, I am sad and hopeless when it comes to people in general. I see so much POS behavior it is making me just want to be a hermit the rest of my life. I even had a blow out this weekend with a gf I've been friends with for almost 20 years. Her passive aggressive behavior towards me and others just broke the camels back. I lost it. And it was like arguing with my ****ing ex. Looks like I am out one less friend.....usually I would be really upset by this and doing everything I could to bend over backwards to show how sorry I was for speaking my opinion. Not this time! I just have no patience for people with PDs or PA behavior....no matter how long I've known them. 



Jellybeans said:


> You have to remember though--my divorce was really hard on me and fcked me up pretty bad for awhile; *Also, I have not ever been nor ever will I be one of those "I have to be in a relationship or I'll die" people.*
> 
> As far as how to people move on so fast? They are just wired for it. I am not/was not.* I have never been one to go from relationship to relationship.* I think folks that do either had no feelings for their previous partner and/or were over it long before the actual "end" happened. So that is why it's so easy for them to carry on like a marriage never happened. I am not knocking those who are that way but it's not something that *I experienced. I am simply not built that way.*


Are you my sister from another mister???? :rofl:

I don't feel miserable or unhappy, but I know I am not "happy". But I am very comfortable with myself and in my skin and being alone. Will I always feel this way? Probably not b/c I do get lonely and miss having that special connection with someone. The question is, will I be able to get over the bad that is in everyone to even allow myself to open up to anyone again? I have been bombarded with POS behavior the past 3-4 months time after time again and it so makes me lose my hope that there are still decent people who learn from their mistakes in this world. 

I am also extremely sad b/c the fantasy that I have had with my friends for 20 years seems to be crashing down. The more reflecting and learning I do, the more POS behavior I see in them and know that I can't rely on them and they have possibly just been toxic for me this whole time. 

Why bring new people into my life when they are just going to disappoint?


----------



## Dollystanford

I wore my new hat more times in one week than I'd done in the last few years. My new hat is bloody gorgeous and fits me very well 

It was my year divorceiversary last week - I nearly forgot about it too. Very distracted INDEED by my beautiful new hat


----------



## angelpixie

Very happy for both you and your new hat. He's a lucky man to have won the heart of DollyStanford of the Internet.  

And way to celebrate the divorceiversary! (<-- you should trademark that, btw) Take that, Tosspot!! :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

Vi, become happy with yourself first and foremost. You've mentioned many times of the changes you want to make and you've started some of them.

That alone should keep you busy enough to have a lot of this stuff sort itself out in time.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> You have to remember though--my divorce was really hard on me and fcked me up pretty bad for awhile; Also, I have not ever been nor ever will I be one of those "I have to be in a relationship or I'll die" people.
> 
> As far as how to people move on so fast? They are just wired for it. I am not/was not. I have never been one to go from relationship to relationship. I think folks that do either had no feelings for their previous partner and/or were over it long before the actual "end" happened. So that is why it's so easy for them to carry on like a marriage never happened. I am not knocking those who are that way but it's not something that I experienced. I am simply not built that way.


True...

And I guess it's easier to move on when you despise someone or lost respect for them.


----------



## CEL

Dollystanford said:


> I wore my new hat more times in one week than I'd done in the last few years. My new hat is bloody gorgeous and fits me very well
> 
> It was my year divorceiversary last week - I nearly forgot about it too. Very distracted INDEED by my beautiful new hat


Good for you Dolly! The thing about moving on and having a good life it that it is both the best revenge against those that treated you like **** but also good for you


----------



## jpr

Dollystanford said:


> I wore my new hat more times in one week than I'd done in the last few years. My new hat is bloody gorgeous and fits me very well
> 
> It was my year divorceiversary last week - I nearly forgot about it too. Very distracted INDEED by my beautiful new hat


I love this. So much.


----------



## 2galsmom

By Golly Dolly is back and still sporting a jaunty new chapeau.

Good for you Dollystanford. Enjoy.


----------



## Dollystanford

RandomDude said:


> True...
> 
> And I guess it's easier to move on when you despise someone or lost respect for them.


Actually it's easier to move on when you have no feelings left for them at all. Not hatred or lack of respect. Just nothing


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah but that takes time


----------



## Nsweet

That's because women find it easier moving on than men do. They don't have to do anything but smile and show cleavage to entice a new man.:rofl: 

And the one filing for divorce holds all the power. If you've been dumped, especially dumped for an AP... that's like 2-3 years of picking up the pieces and then moving on. 

BTW 2-3 years is just long enough to lose all the weight you gained from marriage and learn a new hobby your next wife will appreciate about you. Like cooking or speaking womanese.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> That's because women find it easier moving on than men do. They don't have to do anything but smile and show cleavage to entice a new man.:rofl:


I _really, really _hope you're joking, Nsweet, and pulling another of ThreeStrikes' "it's fun to get AP (meaning me) all riled up" kinds of things. Because, if not, I will repeat:












Nsweet said:


> And the one filing for divorce holds all the power. If you've been dumped, especially dumped for an AP... that's like 2-3 years of picking up the pieces and then moving on.












I filed. If I'd really had any power, Chinless would have had his skinny hipster ass handed to him. That's not exactly what happened.



Nsweet said:


> BTW 2-3 years is just long enough to lose all the weight you gained from marriage and learn a new hobby your next wife will appreciate about you. *Like cooking or speaking womanese.*


Funny, I already know both. Quite well, in fact.  And I'm not looking for a wife. 


Oh, wait, is your post only valid for divorced men? 

How would it work differently for a divorced woman, Nsweet? :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> That's because women find it easier moving on than men do. They don't have to do anything but smile and show cleavage to entice a new man.:rofl:


But the quality of that new man would be somewhat suspect. Any woman could go into a bar and get sex it's true. But if sex is with the old guy in the corner who has his own chair and keeps food in his beard for later on then it doesn't have the same appeal now does it


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> I _really, really _hope you're joking, Nsweet, and pulling another of ThreeStrikes' "it's fun to get AP (meaning me) all riled up" kinds of things. Because, if not, I will repeat:
> *Of course I was joking. :rofl:*
> 
> *Love the 30 Rock gif BTW.*
> 
> I filed. If I'd really had any power, Chinless would have had his skinny hipster ass handed to him. That's not exactly what happened.
> 
> Funny, I already know both. Quite well, in fact.  And I'm not looking for a wife.
> 
> Oh, wait, is your post only valid for divorced men?
> *Yep, dI was directing that at the men. Randomdude to be exact.*
> 
> How would it work differently for a divorced woman, Nsweet? :rofl:
> 
> *Divorced women? Let's see.... You're going to need a piano box, a broom stick, a piece of string, and sandwich on a porno mag next to the remote control. You'll catch a man no problem.:rofl:*


Ok, no seriously. If you want to attract men you need to get yourself involved in their interests like football or cars. Something that would separate yourself from all the other girly-girl women they've dated. But don't just phone it in, you really have to know the subject. And then find yourself a break in set of male friends that will have you comfortable around the types of men you like an be able to filter out the jerks.

Trust me on this. If you can talk about the things guys like most and share their interests without making them feel bad for wanting to do their own thing, oh you better believe they'll look at you the girl next door. Awestruck!:smthumbup: So long as you keep at least part of your feminine identity and don't come off as a total lesbian tomboy they'll love you.

This is the same advice I tell guys btw. You're taking up a hobby the opposite sex would like, that you like as well, and then go out and have fun doing it. That's the part about "getting out there". One of mine is working out, which I do everyday... Don't really get a whole lot of attention where I workout, just weird looks from parents and Cub Scout leaders.:rofl: But I'm not giving up because I love doing it and it gets me out of the house.

Angel you make costumes and sew awesome custom designed clothing right? I'm pretty sure you could fine an artistic single dad that will love the work you do. Last year's Lego man, are you kidding me!? That was AWESOME! Have you even once considered going to Comic Con in your own handmade costume?


----------



## Dollystanford

darling I think Angel has found a suitable guy to play 'hide the sausage' with without having to revert to pretending to be interested in football. Just a hunch


----------



## 2galsmom

Absolutely not Nsweet. Absolutely not.

No. As a female you should not take up likes and interests men have just to nail a man.

Absolutely not Nsweet. Absolutely not.

This is not high school and it is disastrous advice. If you REALLY like cars so be it. If you are a female and really like football, great! But no woman should ever do it just because men do because it is neither sincere nor genuine and will not stand the test of time. I know men who married football fanatics! Well lo and behold as soon as they were married gee whiz, the women didn't like football so much.

Be honest, pursue your natural interests to find a compatible partner. I like football, but do I care about football? Hell no.

My SO could watch football 24/7 and I would not care just so long as he tolerated my lack of deep feelings for the sport.

I am with Dollystanford.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> But the quality of that new man would be somewhat suspect. Any woman could go into a bar and get sex it's true. But if sex is with the old guy in the corner who has his own chair and keeps food in his beard for later on then it doesn't have the same appeal now does it


It was a joke, of course. 

But that's why you gotta get into the bar early. You gotta get in there before like 10pm, before you get hit on by every idiot in there and get a better pick of the gentlemen before they turn into drunken slobs desperately looking for any woman at last call to take home in one last hail Mary of stereotypical pickup lines. 

I had the best luck getting in there earlier than 9, getting a buzz on, and talking with sober women who weren't there for sex just for a few drinks after work. So long as I got there early enough to shake off any anxiety and talk to a few women (without hitting on them), I could pull a decent one before the main crowd came in and ruined the environment. 

You do not want to be that guy or girl stuck there too drunk or shy to make a move past like 11pm. And a majority of the time guys ruin it by coming onto every woman there and making them wary of anything with a penis for the night.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Absolutely not Nsweet. Absolutely not.
> 
> No. As a female you should not take up likes and interests men have just to nail a man.
> 
> Absolutely not Nsweet. Absolutely not.
> 
> This is not high school and it is disastrous advice. If you REALLY like cars so be it. If you are a female and really like football, great! But no woman should ever do it just because men do because it is neither sincere nor genuine and will not stand the test of time. I know men who married football fanatics! Well lo and behold as soon as they were married gee whiz, the women didn't like football so much.
> 
> Be honest, pursue your natural interests to find a compatible partner. I like football, but do I care about football? Hell no.
> 
> My SO could watch football 24/7 and I would not care just so long as he tolerated my lack of deep feelings for the sport.
> 
> I am with Dollystanford.


Angel didn't say anything about finding a man for a relationship. I was just making a suggestion for finding a "new hat to try on". Football and cars where just two examples.... read it again.

But notice that last paragraph? If you knew anything about Angel Pixie you'd know she is an amazing seamstress. She really is! And I think that special talent is pretty impressive for her. There's got to be dozens of other guys out their closer to her age who agree with me and find her to be interesting. She's certainly spunky.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Angel didn't say anything about finding a man for a relationship. I was just making a suggestion for finding a "new hat to try on". Football and cars where just two examples.... read it again.
> 
> But notice that last paragraph? If you knew anything about Angel Pixie you'd know she is an amazing seamstress. She really is! And I think that special talent is pretty impressive for her. There's got to be dozens of other guys out their closer to her age who agree with me and find her to be interesting. She's certainly spunky.


Gee, not TOO much closer to my age, I hope. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Gee, not TOO much closer to my age, I hope.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you mean the age you claim to be or the one on your birth certificate? Either way you'd do fine with men age 30 to 40, maybe 50... but an in shape 50 who looks decent and can keep up with the two of you.


----------



## Dollystanford

Sorry Angel only does 35 or under, do keep up!


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> That's because women find it easier moving on than men do. They don't have to do anything but smile and show cleavage to entice a new man.:rofl:


I think you're confusing "moving on" with "getting laid".


----------



## Dollystanford

Well they aren't mutually exclusive


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> It was my year divorceiversary last week


Love this.

Get you some, Dolly!


----------



## Disenchanted

My one year separaversary is in a couple weeks! 

God I wish I had my one year divorceiversary.


----------



## Jellybeans

You'll get there.


----------



## angelpixie

Had a realization last night: The next time I'll get to see my new hat will be the 3 year anniversary of Chinless' first ILYBINILWY speech. I will be spending the day this year in a much more enjoyable fashion.  What a difference some time makes, eh? :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Hat means sex right? I am lost.


----------



## angelpixie

LOL -- it's a metaphor jpr made up a long time ago -- trying on many hats til you find the one that's right for you. Get it? wink, wink, nudge, nudge


----------



## Jellybeans

Try on sex? Still confused.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Try on sex? Still confused.


Only the men have hats. 

Women try them on for size. 

Back to my hole.


----------



## angelpixie

'A new hat' would be a metaphor for a new partner (and not just for sex, but dating). Trying out the hat is seeing if the person (hat) is a good fit for you as a partner (sexually and otherwise). If so, then, Voila! that's your new hat.


----------



## Jellybeans

So have sex with a lot of people til you find the right one??

I am feeling stupid over here. 

If that is the case, i don't want to try on a lot of hats. I feel gross thinking about too many hats. I just want one. LOL


----------



## angelpixie

hope4family said:


> Only the men have hats.
> 
> Women try them on for size.
> 
> Back to my hole.


Doesn't have to be gender-specific like that, but yet it can be explained that way, too, lol. (See earlier comments about Muskrat finding a new hat)

I guess we know where your mind is at, h4f.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> 'A new hat' would be a metaphor for a new partner (and not just for sex, but dating). Trying out the hat is seeing if the person (hat) is a good fit for you as a partner (sexually and otherwise). If so, then, Voila! that's your new hat.


Ah, I see. 
Yeah the thing is I don't want to share sheets with someone if we're not... connected or have a connection so all that trying on just seems like a waste of time and heartache. 

But I DO need to get laid. What a problem. 

DAMN connections, needing them and all. Annoying.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> So have sex with a lot of people til you find the right one??
> 
> I am feeling stupid over here.
> 
> If that is the case, i don't want to try on a lot of hats. I feel gross thinking about too many hats. I just want one. LOL



Not just having sex, but also just getting to know them. You don't have to have sex with them to try them out. But it also implies that you shouldn't not have sex if you really want to.


----------



## angelpixie

My new hat is the first person I've had sex with in over 2 1/2 years, but not the first person I've gone out with. I waited til I had an emotional connection with someone, too, and I'm glad I did. That worked for me (us).


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> My new hat is the first person I've had sex with in over 2 1/2 years, but not the first person I've gone out with. I waited til I had an emotional connection with someone, too, and I'm glad I did. That worked for me (us).


It definitely makes the sex soooooooooo much better when there is an emotional connection. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, I see.
> Yeah the thing is *I don't want to share sheets with someone *if we're not... connected or have a connection so all that trying on just seems like a waste of time and heartache.
> 
> But I DO need to get laid. What a problem.
> 
> DAMN connections, needing them and all. Annoying.


You can just make out in his car. :smthumbup:  


:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Do you mean the age you claim to be or the one on your birth certificate?


I think I must address this, lest anyone think I lie about my age. I do not. 



Nsweet said:


> Either way you'd do fine with men age 30 to 40, maybe 50... but an in shape 50 who looks decent and can keep up with the two of you.


And I have.


----------



## vi_bride04

Trying on hats does not mean sex necessarily - its a euphemism for dating 

And Angel - YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!


----------



## muskrat

Way to go AP!!!

Personally, I am not one to try on many new hats. I only want one. I do not do multiple dating. I focus on one person at a time. I am very selective on who I share my bed with. Dang it, I guess I am just old fashioned. I will most likely be single the rest of my life. It is slim pickens out there and I know what I want, I am just not sure she exists.


----------



## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> Doesn't have to be gender-specific like that, but yet it can be explained that way, too, lol. (See earlier comments about Muskrat finding a new hat)
> 
> I guess we know where your mind is at, h4f.


I have learned. It's not so much where my mind is at. It's where it's been. 



Now if you wanna talk about where my mind is at now....


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> It definitely makes the sex soooooooooo much better when there is an emotional connection. :smthumbup:


Going hatless for a year or more doesn't hurt, either...


:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

It doesn't hurt but it does mean that when you find a suitable hat you tend to wear it out


----------



## Pbartender

You're telling me...


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Going hatless for a year or more doesn't hurt, either...
> 
> 
> :rofl:


It may not hurt but it's not the same...


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> It may not hurt but it's not the same...


Nope it's not the same. But waiting for the right person makes it so much more enjoyable when you do slip on that hat.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> It may not hurt but it's not the same...


And here I thought that was the whole point of trying on new hats...


----------



## jpr

Hahahaha....Trying on Hats.

I think it is sort of fun to try on hats that you might not think look good on your head....just try it out....see if it fits.

Trying on hats does not equal sex, by the way. ...unless you want it too. 

To me, trying on a hat might mean just having a conversation with someone who you thought you might not have anything in common with. Be open to new people and new experiences. Have a drink with someone who perhaps you think is out of your out-range. Just turn on the 'hat' for an hour or so....or longer.

Maybe it will fit, maybe it won't. But, there are plenty of hats out there.

For many of us, we have worn the same hat for a loooooong time. And, now that the wind has carried that hat away....why not use this opportunity to try on different ones? Re-invent yourself with a new style. 

I think we sort of have a tendency to make this dating game seem much more serious than it has to be. Sometimes, it is just good to say "yes" to a new experience....and try on a hat for a little while.


----------



## CEL

Nsweet said:


> Ok, no seriously. If you want to attract men you need to get yourself involved in their interests like football or cars. Something that would separate yourself from all the other girly-girl women they've dated. But don't just phone it in, you really have to know the subject. And then find yourself a break in set of male friends that will have you comfortable around the types of men you like an be able to filter out the jerks.
> 
> Trust me on this. If you can talk about the things guys like most and share their interests without making them feel bad for wanting to do their own thing, oh you better believe they'll look at you the girl next door. Awestruck!:smthumbup: So long as you keep at least part of your feminine identity and don't come off as a total lesbian tomboy they'll love you./QUOTE]
> 
> Okay this could go bad in so many ways. What you are talking about is actually gaming someone. Which actually works however what you are doing is playing the odds that the majority of the population of men like cars and football. Personally if a girl wanted to talk to me about that I would be bored to tears. I want a girlfriend not a mechanic or coach. Now I like to garden, read, play music, hike and workout so if she was interested in that I would be interested to have a conversation with them. See? The problem with gaming is you have to know your target and really how many of us can say we really know who we are going to end up with or even their hobbies? Better to just get into fun stuff you enjoy and be authentic. Oh and I think the book His Needs Her Needs has a chapter on people doing that to land a spouse it really never works out in the long run but can work if you want to get laid.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nsweet said:
> 
> 
> 
> Angel you make costumes and sew awesome custom designed clothing right? I'm pretty sure you could fine an artistic single dad that will love the work you do. Last year's Lego man, are you kidding me!? That was AWESOME! Have you even once considered going to Comic Con in your own handmade costume?
> 
> 
> 
> Okay so I saw that costume and it was awesome! But if she went to Comic Con it would go like this.
> Over Sexy Costume
Click to expand...


----------



## CEL

Nsweet said:


> It was a joke, of course.
> 
> But that's why you gotta get into the bar early. You gotta get in there before like 10pm, before you get hit on by every idiot in there and get a better pick of the gentlemen before they turn into drunken slobs desperately looking for any woman at last call to take home in one last hail Mary of stereotypical pickup lines.
> 
> I had the best luck getting in there earlier than 9, getting a buzz on, and talking with sober women who weren't there for sex just for a few drinks after work. So long as I got there early enough to shake off any anxiety and talk to a few women (without hitting on them), I could pull a decent one before the main crowd came in and ruined the environment.
> 
> You do not want to be that guy or girl stuck there too drunk or shy to make a move past like 11pm. And a majority of the time guys ruin it by coming onto every woman there and making them wary of anything with a penis for the night.


My mom was married 7 times all the husbands where found in bars. My sister married 4 times all husbands found in bars. No bars for me.

Give me real life with good lighting. Sober people. No alcoholism. Not all people who go to bars are alcoholics I know that but the scene is brutal for long term relationships good for a hook up tho. I tend to hunt where the the I want is. If i want religious I go to church. If I want workout I look at the gym. Want hiker then it is the trails and forums for me. Just find what you want and do that then look for women. You get better results.


----------



## CEL

muskrat said:


> Way to go AP!!!
> 
> Personally, I am not one to try on many new hats. I only want one. I do not do multiple dating. I focus on one person at a time. I am very selective on who I share my bed with. Dang it, I guess I am just old fashioned. I will most likely be single the rest of my life. It is slim pickens out there and I know what I want, I am just not sure she exists.


:smthumbup:
Dude your like my brother you can be Bill I will be Ted. And yeah I agree one women to date. One women to get interested in and run that until it becomes something or ends.

No multi dating. No hook ups. No gameing. No bullshyte.


----------



## CEL

angelpixie said:


> My new hat is the first person I've had sex with in over 2 1/2 years, but not the first person I've gone out with. I waited til I had an emotional connection with someone, too, and I'm glad I did. That worked for me (us).


WHAT!! Okay he has to get a profile and come on here and face the 7 dwarves we have to vet this dude. I mean you are one the Sorceress of TAM we just can't let you get any guy. He needs to have the stones to come on and post we will make sure he tows the line. 

Oh and I use the dwarves analogy so I pick Sleepy as my name. And well I am short no one would believe me if I said the Knights of Ni.


----------



## angelpixie

CEL said:


> Okay so I saw that costume and it was awesome! But if she went to Comic Con it would go like this.
> Over Sexy Costume


That link was awesome!! :rofl: I've been to our local 'Con' and I can totally picture that happening, lol. 

I appreciate your comments on my sewing and costume talents, Nsweet, I really do.  But I've stated already in this thread that I won't pretend to be something I'm not. That includes pretending I'm weak and helpless to make a guy feel better about himself, or to pretend I'm a football fan (ugh) or into NASCAR (double ugh). I've been spending a lot of time figuring out who I am and what I want and what I like, after letting myself get subsumed into Chinless. I want someone who likes ME for who I already am, what I'm already interested in, and what I already like to do. That doesn't mean I'm going to stay stagnant and not grow and learn, but there are things about which I already know I couldn't care less. I don't want the person I'm with to be a clone of me, either. That would be godawful boring. That's why, to me, it's most important that I become a whole person by myself, and that I wait to meet another whole person. So far, that strategy has worked out well.


----------



## jpr

I am a female, and I happen to actually like watching sports.....and drinking beer. Especially drinking beer while watching sports and eating fried foods.

...and, actually, a lot of the men I have dated haven't really been into sports that much. Or drinking beer....(I could drink most of the men under the table. ...) ...My current on-again-off-again hat is one of the only hats that will sit around with me all day on Sunday and drink beer, eat fried food, and watch football.

One of the reasons I haven't ditched him yet is because I would miss that Sunday ritual...and also, I have developed feelings for him.


----------



## Pbartender

CEL said:


> And yeah I agree one women to date. One women to get interested in and run that until it becomes something or ends.


One Woman to rule them all, One Woman to find them,
One Woman to bring them all and in the darkness bind them...


Wait. What are we talking about again?

:scratchhead:


----------



## Dollystanford

Nothing wrong with a bit of light bondage ptb


----------



## CEL

Pbartender said:


> One Woman to rule them all, One Woman to find them,
> One Woman to bring them all and in the darkness bind them...
> 
> 
> Wait. What are we talking about again?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Your my Frodo let me be your Sam.....


----------



## 2galsmom

angelpixie said:


> That link was awesome!! :rofl: I've been to our local 'Con' and I can totally picture that happening, lol.
> 
> I appreciate your comments on my sewing and costume talents, Nsweet, I really do.  But I've stated already in this thread that I won't pretend to be something I'm not. That includes pretending I'm weak and helpless to make a guy feel better about himself, or to pretend I'm a football fan (ugh) or into NASCAR (double ugh). I've been spending a lot of time figuring out who I am and what I want and what I like, after letting myself get subsumed into Chinless. I want someone who likes ME for who I already am, what I'm already interested in, and what I already like to do. That doesn't mean I'm going to stay stagnant and not grow and learn, but there are things about which I already know I couldn't care less. I don't want the person I'm with to be a clone of me, either. That would be godawful boring. That's why, to me, it's most important that I become a whole person by myself, and that I wait to meet another whole person. So far, that strategy has worked out well.


Nothing wrong with that if you genuinely like it. Oddly my daughter wants to go as an NFL player for Halloween. I am not thrilled about the price of the costume.

What if you pretended to like sports and then met a dude who does not? Then you would have to say, I PRETENDED to like them but now that I know you do not, well now I can be honest! 

Dollystanford I don't think I can accept anyone under 35. I am ageist apparently. Not that they mature necessarily as they age. 

I don't want a hat. Currently I am in ponytail mode waiting for th appointment with my colorist . . .


----------



## angelpixie

2galsmom said:


> Nothing wrong with that if you genuinely like it. Oddly my daughter wants to go as an NFL player for Halloween. I am not thrilled about the price of the costume.


How old is your daughter, 2gals? When I was a freshman in college, I went to a costume party in full football uniform. I was able to borrow a uniform, complete with pads, from the trainer for the football team. It was the school's old colors, so it was no problem. Perhaps you can do that with a local school, too, and you wouldn't have to actually buy the stuff.


----------



## 2galsmom

angelpixie said:


> How old is your daughter, 2gals? When I was a freshman in college, I went to a costume party in full football uniform. I was able to borrow a uniform, complete with pads, from the trainer for the football team. It was the school's old colors, so it was no problem. Perhaps you can do that with a local school, too, and you wouldn't have to actually buy the stuff.


She is ten. She is playing football at recess and after school. I refuse to buy gloves. She said football players buy gloves. I said WHAT? Not in California! 

They do not celebrate Halloween at her new school but they are allowing them (LOOPHOLE!) to come dressed as what they want to be when they grow up so she said football player. I have already gone over the NFL rules and likelihood of her making it as an adult female onto a professional team but I have stopped as I do not want to dash her dreams. 

"What happened to the economical scientist?" I said to myself.

I feel compelled to do something special for her (NO GLOVES THOUGH!) as we used to plan Halloween outfits three months before the holiday and go all out on everything Halloween but I can't imagine where I will find a petit uniform. Thank you for the suggestion angelpixie, maybe I can ask at the school!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

My daughter had a part in a play as a cheerleader so I found one on ebay. Sometimes the school sells them when they get new ones to update their look, etc. It was $24 for top, skirt AND matching pants!


----------



## 2galsmom

Thanks Enjoliwoman. The wide receiver gloves alone were $11 and way too big!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

$21.95!!! Youth medium










Youth League Saints Football Uniform Jersey and Pants Size Medium | eBay


----------



## EnjoliWoman

$16.95!

Buy a box of super thick old fashioned maxi pads to stick in the pants and use for shoulder pads. 










Youth Football Uniform Jersey and Pants Size Large | eBay


----------



## ThreeStrikes

jpr said:


> I am a female, and I happen to actually like watching sports.....and drinking beer. Especially drinking beer while watching sports and eating fried foods.
> 
> ...and, actually, a lot of the men I have dated haven't really been into sports that much. Or drinking beer....(I could drink most of the men under the table. ...) ...My current on-again-off-again hat is one of the only hats that will sit around with me all day on Sunday and drink beer, eat fried food, and watch football.
> 
> One of the reasons I haven't ditched him yet is because I would miss that Sunday ritual...and also, I have developed feelings for him.


When I first started the on-line dating thing, I was astounded by the number of gals who said they loved football (in their profiles).

Part of me wondered if they only said that to make themselves more attractive, but a good number of them had photos of themselves in football jerseys or at a game.

I remember hearing a stat on the radio a few weeks ago stating that one out of four football fans is female.

Edit: Does Victoria Secret still carry their NFL line for women?


----------



## 2galsmom

Well my daughter loves it, let us hope she is not on Match.Com. Currently she is spamming me with cute emails from her new email account. She is now filling my DVR with all things football.

THANK YOU BRILLIANT ENJOLIWOMAN! We will go online tonight, we probably have time to get it shipped here before the 31st!

THANK YOU THANK YOU!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> FOUR YEARS?!
> 
> It makes my meager 8 months a joke... how do other people move on so fast?
> 
> It sux


To be honest though Dude , l've noticed the fast movers in this stuff usually just end up in more mess down the track. And don't forget down the track could be another crap marriage , more kids but that just doesn't hit the fan for 10 yrs .

Forget the bs man , just do whatever the hell you feel like doing at your own pace and fk the rest .
Or , Metalica said it better " the brightest flame burns quickest " 
And , they usually burn their life up quicker too .


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> That's because women find it easier moving on than men do. They don't have to do anything but smile and show cleavage to entice a new man.:rofl:
> 
> And the one filing for divorce holds all the power. If you've been dumped, especially dumped for an AP... that's like 2-3 years of picking up the pieces and then moving on.
> 
> BTW 2-3 years is just long enough to lose all the weight you gained from marriage and learn a new hobby your next wife will appreciate about you. Like cooking or speaking womanese.



Yeah but , they usually get the house too , and the kids , they don't have to live the hell dads do without their own children in their own home. 
So really , they have it made and when the kids go to see poor dad who's been in hell without them and usually lost everything he's worked for for 20 yrs too , it's free partying time . Perfect life really.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Way to go AP!!!
> 
> Personally, I am not one to try on many new hats. I only want one. I do not do multiple dating. I focus on one person at a time. I am very selective on who I share my bed with. Dang it, I guess I am just old fashioned. I will most likely be single the rest of my life. It is slim pickens out there and I know what I want, I am just not sure she exists.



Take your time rat , do what evers right for you man and the rest will fall into place.
But hey , they are slim pickings aren't they, l feel the same . Plenty of em out there but if you take out fk buddy , someone that hasn't destroyed her own family for herself , or someone that as D l think it was was saying that hasn't left a 20yr trail of destruction behind her then add a special human being , attraction, bla bla bla , tell you what , the pickings in their 40s are pretty damn slim.

l want the girl that's been through this hell herself, she's the one l want and the only one l'd trust to appreciate it and fight for it . Well that's my theory anyway !
l accidentally met her too , we've talked about her here , the only trouble is it's left her in such a mess .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> To be honest though Dude , l've noticed the fast movers in this stuff usually just end up in more mess down the track. And don't forget down the track could be another crap marriage , more kids but that just doesn't hit the fan for 10 yrs .
> 
> Forget the bs man , just do whatever the hell you feel like doing at your own pace and fk the rest .
> Or , Metalica said it better " the brightest flame burns quickest "
> And , they usually burn their life up quicker too .


True, meh I just didn't expect my celibacy to be this long thats all. Thought I was a tough guy, fk up with one woman move on to the next... but not this time I guess.

Quite frankly I'm abit disappointed at myself for being disgusted over kissing a woman. My mates would all reckon there's something wrong with me if it ever went public what happened.


----------



## Conrad

We won't tell.


----------



## angelpixie

whitehawk said:


> Yeah but , they usually get the house too , and the kids , they don't have to live the hell dads do without their own children in their own home.
> So really , they have it made and when the kids go to see poor dad who's been in hell without them and usually lost everything he's worked for for 20 yrs too , it's free partying time . Perfect life really.


Oh, there's so much wrong with this. Not every guy leaves the marital home. Not every guy never sees his kids. Not every guy loses everything he worked for. And not every woman gets the kids all the time, very few women get maintenance payments, and women are also liable to lose what they've worked for. I'm not a wealthy woman by anyone's definition. I left the marital home because my ex ended up buying me out, but it could have gone the other way. I only see my child 1/2 time, too. And I lost 1/2 of my retirement, because he didn't have any retirement saved up. I'm older than he is, so theoretically, it hurt me more, as I have fewer working years to make it up. And I filed after being left for an AP, because he just started living as a single man while still legally married. The old 'She got the gold mine and I got the shaft' (to quote the old Jerry Reed song) just doesn't automatically apply anymore. I live in an 'equitable property' state, and I know several women who ended up losing big time because they did not get back family inheritance that they shared with their spouses, lost part of their retirement, etc., and yet got no alimony or anything from their higher-paid spouse. Laws and times have changed. 

The only generality is that both people in a divorce end up losing something, whether it's money, or time with their kid(s), or their home. It's just that at some point, one of the spouses thinks all that destruction is worth it, and the other one (and any kids they have together) have to make the best of it, whether they want to or not.


----------



## Disenchanted

Men who keep a SAHM lose bigtime on every front because he just wanted to do what's best for his children. And it ends up that he and the kids suffering a lot more then Mom does cause the law favors the lower earner in pretty much every case. 

I used to pay for her to stay home, now I pay her to go screw whoever she wants to and I don't even get to see my kids every day anymore.

So much for fair and equitable. In a just world she be out on the street and I'd have my kids every day. 

So yeah, I got to keep the marital home, which is a liability, and she gets nearly half of my post tax income.

Yeah I'm bitter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2galsmom

Disenchanted said:


> Men who keep a SAHM lose bigtime on every front because he just wanted to do what's best for his children. And it ends up that he and the kids suffering a lot more then Mom does cause the law favors the lower earner in pretty much every case.
> 
> I used to pay for her to stay home, now I pay her to go screw whoever she wants to and I don't even get to see my kids every day anymore.
> 
> So much for fair and equitable. In a just world she be out on the street and I'd have my kids every day.
> 
> So yeah, I got to keep the marital home, which is a liability, and she gets nearly half of my post tax income.
> 
> Yeah I'm bitter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope.

I do not advise being a stay at home mom. You put your whole life into it and then when it is over, you are regarded as having no value. You are discriminated against when you return to the workforce, often by other women and you have no viable resume.

Marry a man vindictive enough to destroy the finances when you file for divorce and the court cannot work on your behalf. You spend the $ taking him back to court to freeze all the money.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to break it to you but neither gender fares better or worse in the world of divorce. It depends on a variety of factors.

Don't waste time being bitter you will bring bad energy upon yourself.


----------



## angelpixie

Amen, 2gMom.


----------



## larry.gray

Dollystanford said:


> Nothing wrong with a bit of light bondage ptb


Hey, a Dolly sighting!!!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Garry2012

I hear you disenchanted. I'm there too. If I were the one that cheatedand wanted out, I would not have the entitled attitude my ex had. I just trynot to to think at all about it.and focus on the good things in my life, and maybe finding an honest woman with integrity and a decent family next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> Oh, there's so much wrong with this. Not every guy leaves the marital home. Not every guy never sees his kids. Not every guy loses everything he worked for. And not every woman gets the kids all the time, very few women get maintenance payments, and women are also liable to lose what they've worked for. I'm not a wealthy woman by anyone's definition. I left the marital home because my ex ended up buying me out, but it could have gone the other way. I only see my child 1/2 time, too. And I lost 1/2 of my retirement, because he didn't have any retirement saved up. I'm older than he is, so theoretically, it hurt me more, as I have fewer working years to make it up. And I filed after being left for an AP, because he just started living as a single man while still legally married. The old 'She got the gold mine and I got the shaft' (to quote the old Jerry Reed song) just doesn't automatically apply anymore. I live in an 'equitable property' state, and I know several women who ended up losing big time because they did not get back family inheritance that they shared with their spouses, lost part of their retirement, etc., and yet got no alimony or anything from their higher-paid spouse. Laws and times have changed.
> 
> The only generality is that both people in a divorce end up losing something, whether it's money, or time with their kid(s), or their home. It's just that at some point, one of the spouses thinks all that destruction is worth it, and the other one (and any kids they have together) have to make the best of it, whether they want to or not.



Don't agree Ap . Yep l've heard of the odd women to , didn't mean "every" but on what l've seen and heard and people l've know in this last 12 mths through all this and there's been 100's, unfortunately for the guys , this seems to be mosts story but anyway .
Even mine and l'm one of the luckier ones but l've still lost my life with my daughter, l'll have to start from 15yrs ago financially now , everything we built and had us set for , we were set , is screwed and l'm back to having to have to work my [email protected]@ of now for the rest of my days unless l got lucky.
she's got my daughter , she's never lonely or in pain from not having her.
As l said , l'm one of the lucky ones but yep there's exceptions , l know that.

ps , you love pickin my stuff to bits don't cha . And damn , wanna add one of those faces here but it doesn't fkg havem in edit mode , oorrww !


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> Men who keep a SAHM lose bigtime on every front because he just wanted to do what's best for his children. And it ends up that he and the kids suffering a lot more then Mom does cause the law favors the lower earner in pretty much every case.
> 
> I used to pay for her to stay home, now I pay her to go screw whoever she wants to and I don't even get to see my kids every day anymore.
> 
> So much for fair and equitable. In a just world she be out on the street and I'd have my kids every day.
> 
> So yeah, I got to keep the marital home, which is a liability, and she gets nearly half of my post tax income.
> 
> Yeah I'm bitter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



yep l'm afraid that's the reality of it D. How many stories have l come across ????
All that , the laws , everything , was soooo bad here , there were soooo many srewed over dads and poor manipulated children - by the fkg laws no less, that finally , someone in gov did something.
And so there's been huge changes just in this last 5-6yrs thank God . And now almost everything is 50/50 .
But even so , when we split , she left , she had an om , she had my d , she still had help literally thrown at her. Money from gov's , friends , family , oh you poor thing .

You know what l got , particularly from gov - basically suck it princess , don't be a cry baby. That was the attitude across the board , l got zilch and gave up bothering.
And it's good here now , very good , apparently , woulda hated to be going through it all 10 yrs ago from what l hear.

But anyway they're right though D and l can feel your pain . l don't really know how as such but yeah , you do have to work yourself out of this anger and bitterness eventually. Personally l think it's way wrong to fight it , deny it , way unhealthy , dangerous even . But we can't let it consume us, pick away at us either that's a different story. Sooner or later it works through, fades . We've gotta use those stages and any other goods things too and use the healing as it comes and goes, settles.

Good luck D , good things will come again , just look after yourself.


----------



## sammy3

I would never ever ever ever recommend any young women marrying in todays world and take the path to be a sahm. Never ever . 

Even the nannies that raise children end up more valved than the sahm when the house of cards fall. They at least have their own ss and work history, ans a sense of who they are. 

I've been living apart from my husband for 2.5 , after 30+ years of, I struggle with outside friendships. 

~sammy


----------



## LaQueso

I agree with Angelpixie and 2galsmom. I don't thInk my STBXH is losing much. He has a POSOW to mooch off of, me to take care of the kids until he demands that I produce them, for them to play "blended family" and he doesn't pay alimony and is under working, so he doesn't pay full child support. He got the degrees and now that it's my turn, I'm left with a house in foreclosure and my children aren't allowed to leave the state. 
He just can't go to too many places because our kids are easily recognized and it's a small island. He also doesn't do his precious karate anymore since the kids refuse to go (for which he blames me and not the supreme awkwardness of it being the place he met and hooked up with his POSOW). Plus, she's a step way down from me. People, including their families, laugh behind their backs.
All a small price to pay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

In general it seems to me that the person who suffers the most, regardless of gender, is the one that was the more responsible. It seems in so many cases that one of the partners failed to contribute an equal share to the marriage. These "moochers" are awarded an equal share and then some. The courts seem to punish the responsible person and make it their job to provide and care for the lazy one. 
I didn't mind providing for my stbxw when we were married. She worked a minimal amount and contributed very little to our family finances. I never cared because she took care of the kids (until we put them in daycare so she could have more "me" time) and did most the house work. Then she had an affair and left. I have 50/50 custody now and see no reason why she can not work. She is young, healthy, and has a degree (which I don't). Yet it is being put on me to provide for the kids when they are with me AND when she has them. It is my responsibility to provide for her financially since she is "the poor single mom". She hasn't so much as even tried to find a regular job. It sure would be nice to be able to do whatever I feel like and then have the courts order someone else to provide for me financially since my income is insufficient to provide for myself.
In the end it really seems that the person who walks away and acts completely irresponsible ends up getting the better deal.


----------



## whitehawk

sammy3 said:


> I would never ever ever ever recommend any young women marrying in todays world and take the path to be a sahm. Never ever .
> 
> Even the nannies that raise children end up more valved than the sahm when the house of cards fall. They at least have their own ss and work history, ans a sense of who they are.
> 
> I've been living apart from my husband for 2.5 , after 30+ years of, I struggle with outside friendships.
> 
> ~sammy


Yeah , l struggle like hell with them to as yet.
lt's been really strange . like l'm a likable guy , people take to me but l've just never really had much luck or even worked on male friends that much.
l have had some of the best friends you could ask for but a pattern right through my life is one of us always moves away or something.
Another thing with me is x and l loved just hanging out , so we never really bothered chasing friends as such and l was always that busy there wasn't much time to bother with them anyway.
We did have a lot finally coming and going in our last yr or two , new area. But even they've either left with the marriage , some have gone back , interstate.

Thing is , it all seems to adding up to biting me on the [email protected]@ now.
l even had to give the damn dog away :rofl: truly. 
Mad dog though, can't stand mad dogs


----------



## Disenchanted

2galsmom said:


> Nope.
> 
> I do not advise being a stay at home mom. You put your whole life into it and then when it is over, you are regarded as having no value.


Thank feminism!

If my stupid cheating STBXWW would have held up her end of the bargain (you know, that whole "marriage vow" bullsh!t) I would have spent the rest of my life taking care of her.

But she didn't have "meaning". She didn't have "purpose". I mean just taking care of kids and shuffling them around isn't as exciting as phucking some loser neighbor.

If a woman decides to have kids and stay home with them she should phucking own her decision.

And if a man decides to have kids and keep his wife at home with them he should own that too.

Cheaters should just be put on a firing line.


----------



## Disenchanted

2galsmom said:


> Marry a man vindictive enough to destroy the finances when you file for divorce


You mean divorce a man who takes his vows seriously?

Not sure I understand.

Sorry for assisting in the flushing of this thread down the sh!tter.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> In general it seems to me that the person who suffers the most, regardless of gender, is the one that was the more responsible. It seems in so many cases that one of the partners failed to contribute an equal share to the marriage. These "moochers" are awarded an equal share and then some. The courts seem to punish the responsible person and make it their job to provide and care for the lazy one.


Here here!


----------



## muskrat

I have no pity for the sahm who decided to have an affair and flush her marriage.
Why should he pay the property taxes on "her" house. At some point these women that decided to "walk away" from their marriage should have to support themselves. Hell they left the marriage, screwed around and now it is up to the bs to make sure she is still provided for? I will never feel any pity for the sahm that decided she wanted more excitement and instead of working to find that through either a career or by working on her marriage. Decided to find that excitement in the bed of other men.
Having said that, I am not referring to the sahm's that had their husbands walk out on them.


----------



## muskrat

Plain and simple. If you decide to break your marriage vows and walk away from your marriage. Why is it the responsibility of the left behind spouse to maintain your standard of living?


----------



## Garry2012

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

muskrat said:


> Plain and simple. If you decide to break your marriage vows and walk away from your marriage. Why is it the responsibility of the left behind spouse to maintain your standard of living?


Well at least I got the satisfaction of hearing a female judge scold my wife heavily and tell her "The luxury of your marriage is OVER!"


----------



## sammy3

How about the sahm who had the hubster who had the affair and now his life is a bed of roses!!!! And cant understand why the sahm doesnt get it ????

~sammy


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Plain and simple. If you decide to break your marriage vows and walk away from your marriage. Why is it the responsibility of the left behind spouse to maintain your standard of living?


Truth, MR. And that could happen to women as well as men. We all know people who share our gender who went through the same thing we did. Laws differ from state to state, but there are some things that are universal: the person who initially made the decision to walkaway (not file, but walk away) generally makes out best. The person left behind is at their mercy as to whether or not they will honor court agreements. 

If I had to advise anyone going through a D right now, I would tell them to choose selling the marital home, even if they have kids, rather than one person keeping it and depending on the other spouse to pay for anything. It's way too risky, and if they don't follow through, the bank doesn't give a crap what the D papers say. You'll be responsible for any taxes, liens, the mortgage, etc. If you can't afford it on your own, get rid of it and start over. You'll be free and clear from your ex. Yes, it's not easy for kids to move to a different place. It downright sucks. But a lot of how they deal with it is up to us. 

And, Dis -- you should thank feminism. In the past, a woman who was a SAHM, or like my mom, worked to help a husband get through school, then became a SAHM when the kids came along, got alimony when the guy had a MLC and left for a 'younger model,' as they used to say.   Since the 70s, there were some in the feminist movement who devalued the work of a SAHM to the point that alimony was done away with. My mom was from that first generation of 'displaced homemakers' in the late 70s-early 80s who suddenly found themselves back in the job market after 20+ year marriages, with nothing to help them start over. It was also that era when no-fault first became widespread that the phenomenon of the 'deadbeat dad' came into being, leading to paycheck garnishment to make sure dads took care of their kids. There is plenty of blame to go around for why laws are the way they are. 

But I will say again that I don't think either gender automatically comes out better in a divorce. The one who generally comes out worst seems to be the left-behind spouse, who fought for their marriage and family, and ended up without a marriage, and their kids only part of the time.


----------



## Pbartender

Well, typically the walk-away spouse has more time to plan and prepare for the split. The spouse that's left behind rarely sees it coming and has to play catch up, putting them at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to settlement terms.


----------



## Dollystanford

Just a tip: bitterness a) only hurts you and b) is really f*cking unattractive


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> Just a tip: bitterness a) only hurts you and b) is really f*cking unattractive


Good.

ETA: Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way


----------



## CEL

whitehawk said:


> Don't agree Ap . Yep l've heard of the odd women to , didn't mean "every" but on what l've seen and heard and people l've know in this last 12 mths through all this and there's been 100's, unfortunately for the guys , this seems to be mosts story but anyway .
> Even mine and l'm one of the luckier ones but l've still lost my life with my daughter, l'll have to start from 15yrs ago financially now , everything we built and had us set for , we were set , is screwed and l'm back to having to have to work my [email protected]@ of now for the rest of my days unless l got lucky.
> she's got my daughter , she's never lonely or in pain from not having her.
> As l said , l'm one of the lucky ones but yep there's exceptions , l know that.
> 
> ps , you love pickin my stuff to bits don't cha . And damn , wanna add one of those faces here but it doesn't fkg havem in edit mode , oorrww !



TAM is not a good indicator of the population. My mom married 7 times never came out on top. No house , no financial support nothing really. My sister same thing 4 marriages. My friend 2 marriages. So real life it is simple divorce sucks. Lets take it a little further.

1. You hurt because you don't have your daughter and you assume you X does not. I am guessing you still have some visitation with your daughter you just don't know that your X does not miss her as well.

2. You lost all that financial security. Didn't she? You probably pay support but that will not be forever she has to plan for when that ends. The fact is you both lost that life.

3. Lucky or unlucky it strikes all people both men and women. 


The point is that divorce is just bad you destroy the life you had and have to create new one. Both parties have to do this. Both parties have to deal with new expectations and give up what they had. The sad part is the one that is walking away has usually set themselves up for a long time getting ready both emotionally and if smart financially so yes it looks like they are better off because well they are. They have prepared for it. Something to be said for always being the walk away PERSON. Both men and women do the walk away thing and you know what they often screw over the other spouse because like a fight the person who is prepared often gets in the good punches.

So what you really have is that women often are better planers than men. They are more likely to set up a good strategy to leave before leaving. Where a man will storm off and let his anger ride his mind where he makes crap decisions. Part of this is that as men we are always brought up to stand on our own so we are given the tools to do so. Many women where not so they have to learn those tools on their own. A difficult process at best.


----------



## Disenchanted

Women just don't care nearly as much.


----------



## minimalME

Disenchanted said:


> Women just don't care nearly as much.


 That's not true.


----------



## Disenchanted

OMG that was supposed to bring a smile not a frown, lol.

Here's another one:

women are mean


----------



## vi_bride04

Men have no capacity to think with anything other than their penis


----------



## Disenchanted

Girls are dumb and they smell bad


----------



## Disenchanted

and they have cooties


----------



## Disenchanted

Am I getting closer to getting a date out of TAM?

Lol I may be bitter but I'm phucking adorable


----------



## minimalME

Disenchanted said:


> OMG that was supposed to bring a smile not a frown, lol.
> 
> Here's another one:
> 
> women are mean


I never know with you. 

In a couple of your posts this morning, you seemed quite angry with your ex-wife. Were those meant to be jokes too?


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> Good.
> 
> ETA: Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way



If that Pink Floyd quote was supposed to refer to Dolly (since she's English and all), I'll just chalk that up to another attempt at humor.


----------



## Disenchanted

minimalME said:


> I never know with you.
> 
> In a couple of your posts this morning, you seemed quite angry with your ex-wife. Were those meant to be jokes too?


Sorry I'm a moody b!tch.

I'm not actually all that bitter, just when I think about my war torn waste land of a life that she left with me I get upset sometimes.

Of course I know her life is no bed of roses either, but she's the dumbass who did it, not me.

neener neener neener

It always the girl's fault, always.


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> attempt at humor.


ouch

No actually I am mostly English myself.

You can tell by the dry (unfunny) wit.


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> Am I getting closer to getting a date out of TAM?


Didn't you already?


----------



## minimalME

Disenchanted said:


> Sorry I'm a *moody b!tch*.


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> Didn't you already?


I never kiss and tell.


----------



## CEL

Here is the deal. Many guys get fvcked over by their wives that is just a fact. Many women get fvcked over by their men just another fact. There are NO numbers for these things but we can all say it happens. Now most if not all of the abuse I have suffered has come from women. Some of it pretty damn bad. You know what I don't hate women for that and think that they are all going to do it. I understand it was my shyte fortune to meet some crap women. Same goes for this. You married crap women and are mad and bitter. Great you are entitled to that just as much as the women here are entitled to be mad and bitter at men.

But when you start making statement of the generality that women get off easy or that they get a free ride. Also the insinuation that women are somehow bad and crafty looking to screw any guy over. Well that does no one any good. Not you and not me. Same thing goes for women who say guys are the same way. The point is that we have to accept we made crappy choices we met and loved shyte PEOPLE. It reminds me of talking to my bi friend I said "Wow it has to be great to have so many options." He said "Nay women are bytches and guys are dvcks." LOL. The point is that gender does not matter people are just difficult. And really we chose to be with these people no one made us. We did have other choices. The problem is when the paycheck came it was higher than we wanted.

As for the laws yeah you can make the argument one way or the other. I get that and you could even post those laws. And I would say you are right. Someplace's it does lean one way or another. But by no means is it a guarantee. It always comes down to your lawyer, circumstances, and luck.

As for being a stay at home anything. Well I don't recommend it as I see it as giving away you power. Now that being said many people do this and don't have it collapse for them. And that is another point we caution people on worse case scenarios well many people do not divorce at least half of people stay married and of those some successfully manage the whole stay at home spouse thing. I say to people who ask this is the consequences if this goes wrong. You will have no resume. You will have not work value. You will have no work skills. If they decide to screw around you will be in a very bad spot as you will have no financial power to get out easily. A stay at home person has to get their ducks in a row a lot earlier and keep the other in the dark for a good long time to get it to work. So it comes down to power both long term and short term. The short term power is always with the financial backer. The long term power is going to be with the person who has the time to plan so that goes to the stay at home person.


----------



## CEL

Disenchanted said:


> Women just don't care nearly as much.


What the hell is this? You know you should just bat for the other team.

Way to insult my sister, mom and my friends.


----------



## Disenchanted

CEL said:


> What the hell is this? You know you should just bat for the other team.
> 
> Way to insult my sister, mom and my friends.


As Angelpixie so eloquently described it, it was an "attempt at humor".

I have a sister, a mother, and even a daughter! Imagine that!


----------



## CEL

Disenchanted said:


> As Angelpixie so eloquently described it, it was an "attempt at humor".
> 
> I have a sister, a mother, and even a daughter! Imagine that!


My advice is don't insult others as an attempt at humor. It has worked for me. Now I am stepping away from this thread.


----------



## Disenchanted

CEL said:


> My advice is don't insult others as an attempt at humor. It has worked for me. Now I am stepping away from this thread.


Thanks!


----------



## angelpixie

It's far easier than you think for this type of attitude (not humor, as such) to bleed into 'real life.' I wonder how it's possible to keep your feelings about women compartmentalized here on TAM, and not have them leak out so that the females in your life see and hear them.


----------



## Disenchanted

OMG like whether on TAM or IRL if I walk into a room full of women and say something like "all women are dumb" I expect what I get. That's why I do it! And I do that kind of thing in real life all the time.

I have tons and tons of female friends, and I have no general animosity towards any of them.

Let's see, when I said "women just don't care" I'm pretty sure that there were about 5 girls here and maybe one guy. 

Flog me.


----------



## Dollystanford

Disenchanted said:


> OMG like whether on TAM or IRL if I walk into a room full of women and say something like "all women are dumb" I expect what I get.


I'm thinking that would be...attention!


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> Flog me.



No, because you'd probably like that. It would give you something else to complain about. "OMG, some woman flogged me!! Women are such b!tches!!"


----------



## minimalME

angelpixie said:


> No, because you'd probably like that. It would give you something else to complain about. "OMG, some woman flogged me!! Women are such b!tches!!"


:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> I'm thinking that would be...attention!


BOOM! Love attention from the ladies.



angelpixie said:


> No, because you'd probably like that. It would give you something else to complain about. "OMG, some woman flogged me!! Women are such b!tches!!"


I _would_ like that.



minimalME said:


> :rofl:


You laughin' at me? NOT COOL.

TBH I thought this thread was getting far too serious, and somber for that matter.

Sheesh someone needs to lighten the mood in this place.


----------



## Dollystanford

I had sex over 30 times in one week - do I get a badge


----------



## Disenchanted

was anyone else there?


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## ne9907

> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Dollystanford View Post
> I'm thinking that would be...attention!
> 
> BOOM! Love attention from the ladies.
> 
> 
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by angelpixie View Post
> No, because you'd probably like that. It would give you something else to complain about. "OMG, some woman flogged me!! Women are such b!tches!!"
> 
> I would like that.
> 
> 
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by minimalME View Post
> 
> 
> You laughin' at me? NOT COOL.
> 
> TBH I thought this thread was getting far too serious, and somber for that matter.
> 
> Sheesh someone needs to lighten the mood in this place.


/giggle


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> I had sex over 30 times in one week - do I get a badge


----------



## CEL

Dollystanford said:


> I had sex over 30 times in one week - do I get a badge


HELL NO! Not when I am not getting any! Hate! Rage! Anger! Now tears. Damn I miss sex.


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> was anyone else there?


----------



## Disenchanted

Hey she's asking for a badge, it's a valid question.


----------



## angelpixie

This is Dolly we're talking about. It may be a valid question for you, but not for her.


----------



## Disenchanted

Thank you may I have another!


----------



## Dollystanford

I seem to recall that there was a big sexy guy there with serious stamina and a c*ck you could hang a wet donkey jacket off


----------



## CEL

Dollystanford said:


> I seem to recall that there was a big sexy guy there with serious stamina and a c*ck you could hang a wet donkey jacket off


I so did not need that image. How do you get it out????? Please someone help me.


----------



## angelpixie

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## jpr

Dollystanford said:


> I had sex over 30 times in one week - do I get a badge


How about a plaque?....to remind you of you week of ecstasy?


----------



## vi_bride04

CEL said:


> I so did not need that image. How do you get it out????? Please someone help me.


mmmm I need that image for later :smthumbup:

Thanks Dolly!


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm here to service nearly all your needs


----------



## Nsweet

Oh god Dolly, you are too funny. 

You need to voicaroo some of this stuff with that sexy accent of yours.


----------



## Pbartender

CEL said:


> I so did not need that image. How do you get it out????? Please someone help me.


----------



## Disenchanted

Nsweet said:


> You need to voicaroo some of this stuff with that sexy accent of yours.


I second that motion.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I second that motion.


I third that motion and call for a recount. B
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Hey Dolly would you consider a script?


----------



## CEL

Somehow I think Mr Donkey blanket would not like that.....just a guess tho.


----------



## Disenchanted

Mr Donkey blanket :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

I believe that's actually Mr. Wet Donkey Jacket.


----------



## Disenchanted

We'll just call him wet blanket


----------



## CEL

angelpixie said:


> I believe that's actually Mr. Wet Donkey Jacket.


LOL any guy that can do that DESERVES the Mr.


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm not your dancing monkey yo


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I'm not your dancing monkey yo


You're right. You're absolutely right! 

You're the wicked witch all the dancing monkeys work for.

Dance my pretties dance for your Dolly.


----------



## Dollystanford

I would say assertive rather than wicked


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I would say assertive rather than wicked


Boy, I'll say. 

Dolly I'll bet you like to make men sweat it out by thinking they have to impress you over a bunch of dates, when really you've decided who advances to the second round and gets to be the new hat on the first date. 

You strike me as the almost too assertive woman guys throw themselves at. Very nice!:smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

I don't play games darling - too old for that shizz

If I like someone they'll know about it immediately and if they are special enough to make it to the hat rack I won't make them wait for it.

Need to know early on if there is any chemistry and with this one? It's like that Francium experiment you used to have to go and do on the school field because it was so explosive


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I don't play games darling - too old for that shizz
> 
> If I like someone they'll know about it immediately and if they are special enough to make it to the hat rack I won't make them wait for it.
> 
> Need to know early on if there is any chemistry and with this one? It's like that Francium experiment you used to have to go and do on the school field because it was so explosive


I never said you played games. Only that you're hard to get. There's a big difference between the two.

I think I get what you're saying about attraction though. I could explain it to you too, but it would take some of the magic out of it if I did. 

Francium experiment? Darlin', I went to high school in Texas. The only things we learned were how to take benchmark tests and evacuate during school shootings. I did get to build a model rocket though.


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh go on explain attraction then - for old times sake


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Oh go on explain attraction then - for old times sake


Which part? I'm too tired to type page after page breaking each step down. So what shall it be?.... Parental imprinting? So called "cat string theory"? Attraction switches? Pheromones? Or you name it and I'll explain it in as few words as possible.


----------



## Dollystanford

Sexual chemistry - go!


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Sexual chemistry - go!


Good choice!:smthumbup:

Sexual chemistry is all about empathy and reading what the other person wants through non-verbal body language and breathing patterns. They can't exactly tell you what they want a lot of the times, you're just going to have to guess and check, kiss, caress, touch, finger, and fondle.... and then remember their combination for another time.

And here there really are certain sexual types that you may or may not like. You're already familiar with HD and LD, but there's also the short and long lived love makers, the oral fanatics, the sweet or sloppy kissers, the fetishists, those with Oedipal or Elektra complexes, pretty much anything you can think of. No matter what you may not click if the sex they want turns you off. 

There is also something there about dopamine and endorphin levels in the brain that makes that spark turning good sex into really great Hollywood sex. Though for the most part it's the excitement of infatuation "love" (honeymoon stage) and exploring someone else's body for the first couple dozen times.

Also there are ways you can create that sexual spark through artificial methods to create chemistry. You would need to flip the right attraction switches, have sex as soon as possible, stroke their ego, bring them to orgasm, and start the chase. But that is only good for a short lived fling and nothing serious, and there really is no way to tell if they're going to click with you.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> In general it seems to me that the person who suffers the most, regardless of gender, is the one that was the more responsible. It seems in so many cases that one of the partners failed to contribute an equal share to the marriage. These "moochers" are awarded an equal share and then some. The courts seem to punish the responsible person and make it their job to provide and care for the lazy one.
> I didn't mind providing for my stbxw when we were married. She worked a minimal amount and contributed very little to our family finances. I never cared because she took care of the kids (until we put them in daycare so she could have more "me" time) and did most the house work. Then she had an affair and left. I have 50/50 custody now and see no reason why she can not work. She is young, healthy, and has a degree (which I don't). Yet it is being put on me to provide for the kids when they are with me AND when she has them. It is my responsibility to provide for her financially since she is "the poor single mom". She hasn't so much as even tried to find a regular job. It sure would be nice to be able to do whatever I feel like and then have the courts order someone else to provide for me financially since my income is insufficient to provide for myself.
> In the end it really seems that the person who walks away and acts completely irresponsible ends up getting the better deal.



Yeah when l say 50/50 , talking custody and level playing fields on both sides . Not sure how it goes otherwise as really we both did our full share and have both tried to be more than fair to each other since thank God.
l'd hate to be going through one of those twisted up go for the throat bitter things .

They tell me we are so lucky :scratchhead:


----------



## Pbartender

Disenchanted said:


> We'll just call him wet donkey


Fixed that for you.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Disenchanted said:


> We'll just call him wet a$$


Fixed...again


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm, do I detect a bit of one-up-manship (wink, wink) among the male singles of TAM?


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Hmmm, do I detect a bit of one-up-manship (wink, wink) among the male singles of TAM?


Oh, of course not, AP... This is just a synergistic collaboration to create the most effective, most appropriate, and most insulting nickname for an ex-spouse.

Yay Teamwork! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

I'm all for teamwork, and I'm all for insulting nicknames for an ex-spouse , but you boys are all making up names for Dolly's new hat. So...maybe not oneupmanship, but a little jealousy? Or, after the way she described him, a little inferiority complex?


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> I'm all for teamwork, and I'm all for insulting nicknames for an ex-spouse , but you boys are all making up names for Dolly's new hat. So...maybe not oneupmanship, but a little jealousy? Or, after the way she described him, a little inferiority complex?


Well, maybe the other guys... For my part, it was simply a matter of mistaken identity over who we were poking fun of.

:scratchhead: :loser:


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> I'm all for teamwork, and I'm all for insulting nicknames for an ex-spouse , but you boys are all making up names for Dolly's new hat. So...maybe not oneupmanship, but a little jealousy? Or, after the way she described him, a little inferiority complex?


I just called him a wet blanket because it started to become apparent that he was a road block to us hearing Dolly read a sexy script on voicaroo. Whether or not she'd actually do it is another story altogether.

One up manship? Pfft. My record is 27 finishes _in one day_.



> wet blanket
> Fig. a dull or depressing person who spoils other people's enjoyment.


----------



## Pbartender

Wet Donkey


----------



## Dollystanford

I hope there was someone exercising some quality control


----------



## Pbartender

Disenchanted said:


> My record is 27 finishes _in one day_.


Did you get many blisters on your hands? Or do you just develop callouses after a while?



I can't claim nearly so many "finishes" in short a time -- I take too much pride in my work -- but my most recent critical review was, and I quote, "HOLY CRAP!"





(Now _that's_ oneupmanship. )


----------



## Dollystanford

Decimated 25 watermelons in the process


----------



## Disenchanted

Was actually with a girl, believe it or not.

I was much younger.

Recently my best is 11 finishes in 12 hours. _With a girl_.


----------



## Disenchanted

Pbartender said:


> Wet Donkey


Ok that's just too far, even for me.


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> Decimated 25 watermelons in the process


Now there's something I've never tried, thank for the idea!

How do you warm up a whole watermelon?


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> I hope there was someone exercising some quality control


Young people with nothing else to do, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> One up manship? Pfft. My record is 27 finishes _in one day_.





angelpixie said:


> I'll just chalk that up to another attempt at humor.


----------



## hope4family

Were talking personal bests? 

Not sure. If we are talking about races to the finish, or just straight up finishes. 

Either way, it's a high number or A very high number.


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> Just think how many of the world's problems you could have solved if you'd applied that same amount of energy elsewhere.


You like me.


----------



## Pbartender

Allow me, AP...



Disenchanted said:


> You like me.





angelpixie said:


> I'll just chalk that up to another attempt at humor.


----------



## Disenchanted

Damn it I'm being ganged up on.


----------



## CEL

Okay so I am changing the name to Sampson "He took the jawbone of an ass and killed his tormentors" I kinda think that any guy who could win Dolly's affection would do the same thing. So Sampson it is!!! Now a lot has been said about his ummm prowess I am sure that Dolly is very happy with his good work but I also think that for Dolly that is just the cherry on top. I am sure he is also a stand up guy outside the bedroom as well "see what I did there" as well as a great lover in fact I would wager money that he was a great boyfriend before he became a great lover. Once you have that connection it is hard for sex not to be amazing. I do want to say how happy I am as well as others I am sure that both Dolly and Angelpixie have found someone to enjoy good times with. Of all the people on here I think these two people are high on my list of people who deserve to have a good guy who really cares about them. After all you guys have done for us it warms my heart that you have found some happiness with someone of my gender.

Now as for the cum talk well lets just say I think you are illustrating why neither Dolly or Angelpixie found that man among us TAM men. I mean really I just don't get it. As a joke it is nasty, as a way to get a girl to like you it is so far off base it is another game entirely. I mean really it is like telling a person how big your dvck is the only person this is going to work on is a women who is already interested. Not to mention a bunny cums like 10 times a day now it only lasts for about 20 to 40 seconds tho.  

To be frank I have never cum that many times in one day. Nor am I the largest person around. This goes hand in hand with the fact that I don't want a girl who is with me for my dvck size. If she is happy with it then AWESOME but I want her to be happy with the sex not just the size of my equipment. What I really want is for this to be a bonus. I want her to want to be with me for my empathy, sense of humor, integrity, honor, personality for my genuine good heart. Yes I want them to like the sex but I want that to be what I think it is for Dolly a bonus not the meat of the matter "LOL".

Anyway not slamming anyone I am sure it is just a joke I don't get. I am sure Sampson would not be amused tho....


----------



## jpr

As a female, I have always been perplexed by men who are obsessed with the *number* of times that they can get their partner to climax in one session.

I have had recent partner who drill me right after a session and ask me how many times my 'bottle-rocket' went bang. ...I never know how to answer that....because I don't keep count.  .... And some 'bangs' are much more explosive than others. 

For me, I prefer one real big pow!--the kind that makes you quiver unceasingly. There is so much that is involved in that sort of fireworks show....and when it happens it is amazing.   

I have found that men who are obsessed with quantity often don't understand the importance of 'quality'. Sure, bottle-rockets are fun and all....but, it is the big "POWS!" that keep you coming back for more.


----------



## RandomDude

Been getting "kisses" on my old dating profile, went to "kiss back" saying (photo please and update your profile), then got another kiss, and went again (photo please)... seriously why no photos ladies?

Still, not like I'm going to spend money on the site (RSVP sucks, meetup is much better) just to contact them lol
Flattering though


----------



## COGypsy

jpr said:


> As a female, I have always been perplexed by men who are obsessed with the *number* of times that they can get their partner to climax in one session.
> 
> I have had recent partner who drill me right after a session and ask me how many times my 'bottle-rocket' went bang. ...I never know how to answer that....because I don't keep count.  .... And some 'bangs' are much more explosive than others.


:iagree:

And just a little FYI-- if I have the mental focus to count, you're NOT doing it right!


----------



## angelpixie

Yep. One single toe-curling, OMG-did-the-neighbors-hear-that?  is better than multiple 'meh.'


----------



## Dollystanford

Particularly when it happens at the same time


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Yep. One single toe-curling, OMG-did-the-neighbors-hear-that?  is better than multiple 'meh.'


And if your neighbors pound on the door to remind you how early in the morning it is and inform you when they have to get up....

That just means you did it right.:smthumbup:

Sex so good the neighbors complain = SUCCESS!


----------



## jpr

ahhhh...toe-curling.


----------



## Pbartender




----------



## arbitrator

Pbartender said:


>


*Now exactly who would be getting her off up under that house? Gumby?
*


----------



## angelpixie

^^^That's just wrong. So wrong.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Been getting "kisses" on my old dating profile, went to "kiss back" saying (photo please and update your profile), then got another kiss, and went again (photo please)... seriously why no photos ladies?
> 
> Still, not like I'm going to spend money on the site (RSVP sucks, meetup is much better) just to contact them lol
> Flattering though


Same here , one strung me out for a wk , finally, a pic ,


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Same here , one strung me out for a wk , finally, a pic ,


Lol that bad huh? :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw I loved Gumby. Does anyone remember Mr. Bill?


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

oh, I mean Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssss, I do.


----------



## Jellybeans

He was so adorable. I always wanted to save him.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Lol that bad huh? :rofl:



Yep , fraid so , scary


----------



## RandomDude

Haha

Hell once I had a woman send me a msg asking me "If you had three wishes what would you wish for?" :scratchhead: (like WTF?)

Checked her profile, not my type + had 3 kids

So I just replied "tits, a$$, p----y" lol
She never msged back :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Haha
> 
> Hell once I had a woman send me a msg asking me "If you had three wishes what would you wish for?" :scratchhead: (like WTF?)
> 
> Checked her profile, not my type + had 3 kids
> 
> So I just replied "tits, a$$, p----y" lol
> She never msged back :rofl:



Ha ha what a classic, that should do the trick .
Dude didn't read all your thread but aren't you guys R'ing anyway ?


----------



## RandomDude

Nope, she's giving me the silent treatment at the moment since I told her I'm not done yet.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Haha
> 
> Hell once I had a woman send me a msg asking me "If you had three wishes what would you wish for?" :scratchhead: (like WTF?)
> 
> Checked her profile, not my type + had 3 kids
> 
> So I just replied "tits, a$$, p----y" lol
> She never msged back :rofl:


On the dating site I met my ex wife, I used to talk with her and a few online friends I met before my ex. 

One day this woman just showed up out of nowhere and starts hitting on me and asking why I was there if I was married. She even asked me if "do you want some yummy?" 

She was in her forties, separated, and with 3 kids. She only targeted me because she thought I would be her sugar daddy because I was in the Navy at the time. 

HELL NO!:rofl:


I have more stories like that.

I was on another site while I was separated from my wife when she secretly filed for divorce right under my nose. I was on there but never did anything more than message a few women, no meetups or anything like that. I never even had a picture but what I did have was one dynamite profile. I had a lot of experience reworking my old profile from when I met my wife until it radiate me. 

Right away I started getting messages from women with weird cryptic poetry about fate and true love, just awkward inappropriate questions about my divorce or package size, and then the camsl*ts flirting in their secret language trying to get me to pay to cyber with them. I know they were online working girls because only they say "bb" as in "babe or baby".

I think I finally gave up on that site when I had too many women ask me first thing about my marital status and why I was divorced. They didn't PM me to get to know me, or ask me more about myself, they just wanted to me to tell them I was single and what not. I finally just got used to saying "yes I'm happily divorced" and "I don't know you well enough to talk about that." But I just got so sick of the online dating crowd.... damsels in distress and creepy guys. There's a reason these people are lonely and on the same dating site for years.


----------



## RandomDude

LOL!

Yeah what's with all the cryptic talk ey? I just don't get these women on dating sites :scratchhead: At least on meetup you meet face to face straight off the bat with no BS involved and leave behind the weirdos!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> LOL!
> 
> Yeah what's with all the cryptic talk ey? I just don't get these women on dating sites :scratchhead: At least on meetup you meet face to face straight off the bat with no BS involved and leave behind the weirdos!


I don't know man, I think it's their form of a pick up line or something. At least I found a way to make dating sites work for me... Had an awful lot of cyber sex with some pretty hot women, before I met my horrible ex wife.:smthumbup: 

The trick is to not be that guy looking for action, even if you are. Lie your ass off on your profile, say you're just looking for friends and nothing more (because that will weed out the gold diggers and camsl*ts), and then when the non-weirdos PM you actually make an effort to get to know them. A lot of women on these sites are fairly cool, just like on on TAM, they're bored and looking for a few laughs or an interesting back and forth late at night. Pun not intended.:rofl:

When I was online dating, I actually had it down to a formula. I would just focus that first conversation on getting them comfortable, and what better way to do that then with a little humor. Then at the conclusion of that interaction I would ask to add them to the friend's list, called the "black book", so I could see when she was online. The next day I would talk to her again but really focus on getting to know her, asking a few follow up questions but really just using attentive listening. Also breaking the tension with some humor, but in good taste. 

On second or third chat session I try to get to see her on cam. Don't fall for any pics, you really want to see her on cam ASAP so you don't get catfished. And on the fourth day or so I'd try to get a number, using my special way, and start texting her. Texting seems to be more comfortable for some reason, but you still need to be careful about not too much and not too little and have some game here. And then when you finally start talking to her you get to know her more as a person, but you want to really try to be "on" yourself... You gotta try to be a little more happy and cheerful than she is even when you're tired and b!tchy, because her mood will change and she'll cheer up when talking to you. 

With these internet dates, you really want to try to meet up as soon as you can after you first start talking, usually after about a week you can suggest it first, because you only get so much time before you grow stale on each other. And you really want to take advantage of that first little spark of infatuation and nervousness to meet up and tell each other how you never do this sort of thing, wink wink. My suggestion is just something simple like a lunch together or coffee date on the weekend, but be prepared to leave early or take her somewhere else where you can walk and talk. 

Internet dating can be really fun and you can meet people when you don't have the time to go looking, by letting your open profile find people for you. The only warning I have here is to not think you can shortchange the process and fall in love by reading someone's profile and seeing their complete spin control over their personal image. Know the red flags, listen to your gut instant that wigs you out, and for the love of god don't say "I love you" if you don't know them. Really just have your boundaries and take your time getting to know that person because you feel like you get to know them online, but you really get to know them in person, and then you get to know the real them when the infatuation wears off. 

I'm thinking when I'm ready I'll probably go back to internet dating in between IRL and report back to the LAD thread here. I've got a lot of experience and knowhow, but I am just so out of practice here. Maybe I'll get lucky and it will be like riding a bike.


----------



## RandomDude

Wow... lol, I don't think I can do all that, I'm more of a face to face meetup person.

As for looking for friends and nothing else that's actually what I have on my profile:


> I believe relationships take time to develop and I'm not into rushing things... I'm not looking or expecting anything serious right now... open to the opportunity of meeting someone I could have some fun times with


But meh, I left that site behind and went on meetup instead and hooked up much easier, no games, no webcams, face to face. My profile still gets kisses and msgs from time to time but that's about it lol


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Haha
> 
> Hell once I had a woman send me a msg asking me "If you had three wishes what would you wish for?" :scratchhead: (like WTF?)
> 
> Checked her profile, not my type + had 3 kids
> 
> So I just replied "tits, a$$, p----y" lol
> She never msged back :rofl:


Gee, I can't imagine why.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I think I finally gave up on that site when I had too many *women ask me first thing about my marital statu*s and why I was divorced.


Well, personally, as a woman, I'd want to know if a man was married or single. Because if he's married or separated, I wouldn't want to date him. So I could understand them asking you that. So I would def want to know the marital status.

Now as for going straight to WHY you divorced, yeah that is too personal way too fast.


----------



## RandomDude

Well guess I could have replied "Anal, groupies, and orgies" instead...  lol

... heh and imagine if she replies! :slap:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Nope, she's giving me the silent treatment at the moment since I told her I'm not done yet.



Ahh , silent treatment , man if you still want to so what , she'll come round.
Mines giving me the friendly treatment , haven't worked out what that means yet but it's better than the opposite l spose.
Good luck anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

Cheers mate, I'll see her in 2 days anyway, and if she really wants to p-ss me off she can always just continue to avoid me while I pick up my daughter.

Either way I'm hanging on as long as I can


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> On the dating site I met my ex wife, I used to talk with her and a few online friends I met before my ex.
> 
> One day this woman just showed up out of nowhere and starts hitting on me and asking why I was there if I was married. She even asked me if "do you want some yummy?"
> 
> She was in her forties, separated, and with 3 kids. She only targeted me because she thought I would be her sugar daddy because I was in the Navy at the time.
> 
> HELL NO!:rofl:
> 
> 
> I have more stories like that.
> 
> I was on another site while I was separated from my wife when she secretly filed for divorce right under my nose. I was on there but never did anything more than message a few women, no meetups or anything like that. I never even had a picture but what I did have was one dynamite profile. I had a lot of experience reworking my old profile from when I met my wife until it radiate me.
> 
> Right away I started getting messages from women with weird cryptic poetry about fate and true love, just awkward inappropriate questions about my divorce or package size, and then the camsl*ts flirting in their secret language trying to get me to pay to cyber with them. I know they were online working girls because only they say "bb" as in "babe or baby".
> 
> I think I finally gave up on that site when I had too many women ask me first thing about my marital status and why I was divorced. They didn't PM me to get to know me, or ask me more about myself, they just wanted to me to tell them I was single and what not. I finally just got used to saying "yes I'm happily divorced" and "I don't know you well enough to talk about that." But I just got so sick of the online dating crowd.... damsels in distress and creepy guys. There's a reason these people are lonely and on the same dating site for years.



ha ha yep , that's about where l'm at with them to right now. Although l sure didn't get those responses . 
l never did end up bothering you to rework my profile for me though in end , too disheartened on the whole scene to bother.
Think l'm a real world person


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Wow... lol, I don't think I can do all that, I'm more of a face to face meetup person.
> 
> As for looking for friends and nothing else that's actually what I have on my profile:
> 
> But meh, I left that site behind and went on meetup instead and hooked up much easier, no games, no webcams, face to face. My profile still gets kisses and msgs from time to time but that's about it lol



lsn't meetup that one that goes out to places and does things in a group ?


----------



## RandomDude

Yup! Best place to meet new people and get numbers!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Well, personally, as a woman, I'd want to know if a man was married or single. Because if he's married or separated, I wouldn't want to date him. So I could understand them asking you that. So I would def want to know the marital status.
> 
> Now as for going straight to WHY you divorced, yeah that is too personal way too fast.


That was my thinking. I have no problem with someone wanting to know if I'm single or divorced based on my profile status, because married guys troll online for booty, but hounding me for the reason why it didn't work out.... That's just rude. Then of course you have to pretend like you're cool with it (when you're not) and try to change the topic. 

Some of these girls... and young twenty-somethings, so not even women, they just don't understand divorce so even if you told them the truth they wouldn't believe it didn't work out for a reason. That's why I like older women, 30+ less games and bullsh!t... none of that self entitled vanity the 20-somethings display.:smthumbup:

I don't think there's ever a good time to talk about your ex or your divorce, but certainly not in the "getting to know you" stage of a relationship. I don't want to be defined by my divorce, I don't even want to talk about that on the first date if I can help it. I'm young enough to get away with that. You know I would rather have that discussion when things start getting serious... The "this why I don't talk about marriage with you, blah blah blah cheating ex wife, yadda yadda let's take it slow but have a clear goal in mind, ok let's go meet your parents.":rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Ah yeah . Been gonna check that one out for awhile now , sounds a bit more me .


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> That was my thinking. I have no problem with someone wanting to know if I'm single or divorced based on my profile status, because married guys troll online for booty, but hounding me for the reason why it didn't work out.... That's just rude. Then of course you have to pretend like you're cool with it (when you're not) and try to change the topic.
> 
> Some of these girls... and young twenty-somethings, so not even women, they just don't understand divorce so even if you told them the truth they wouldn't believe it didn't work out for a reason. That's why I like older women, 30+ less games and bullsh!t... none of that self entitled vanity the 20-somethings display.:smthumbup:
> 
> I don't think there's ever a good time to talk about your ex or your divorce, but certainly not in the "getting to know you" stage of a relationship. I don't want to be defined by my divorce, I don't even want to talk about that on the first date if I can help it. I'm young enough to get away with that. You know I would rather have that discussion when things start getting serious... The "this why I don't talk about marriage with you, blah blah blah cheating ex wife, yadda yadda let's take it slow but have a clear goal in mind, ok let's go meet your parents.":rofl:



yeah l could imagine as JB said , they'd need to know something l guess , like we don't have the misses and three kids in the other room , no relation to Jack the ripper :rofl: , few basics like that !

l'm always surprised at how quick girls ask you if your married like- oh hi , are you married :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l'm always surprised at how quick girls ask you if your married like- oh hi , are you married :scratchhead:


And just when should they ask?


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> And just when should they ask?



Nah l don't mean in some maybe dating situation , l mean just out and about. Meet one in any situation and it's often the first thing they say, with me anyway. l always think it's kinda cute really and often chuckle to myself but your never sure if it's checkin you out or just conversation.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> And just when should they ask?


Somewhere between "I really like your profile. Are you really into such and such" and "It was nice meeting you". Somewhere during that time when it's appropriate to ask in depth questions about their profile and their interests.

Just not "hi I'm Tammi (with an "I" because her parents are white trash), are you married or divorced?"


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Nah l don't mean in some maybe dating situation , l mean just out and about.


Ah. That does make a difference!


----------



## unsure78

Hey all Just stopping in to say HI!.... Nothing new on my front... dating but nothing of any serious yet... Hope everyone is well 

Hahahahaha though just to irritate DVLS I have 2 dates this friday ... one lunch and one in the evening.... I might be going playr status now...hahahahahahah


----------



## Jellybeans

You's a playa! Love it!


----------



## RandomDude

I still look young for my age so women don't ask if I'm married they ask if I have a girlfriend. For women I'm not interested in I mostly just reply "sure, I have 3, would you like to be number 4?" heh

But meh I'm as cold as ice sometimes


----------



## Garry2012

whitehawk said:


> Ah yeah . Been gonna check that one out for awhile now , sounds a bit more me .


Met the woman I'm seeing at a meetup happy hour...and there is no pressure in groups. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2galsmom

RandomDude said:


> I still look young for my age so women don't ask if I'm married they ask if I have a girlfriend. For women I'm not interested in I mostly just reply "sure, I have 3, would you like to be number 4?" heh
> 
> But meh I'm as cold as ice sometimes


Just wait wise guy, someone is going to say yes!


----------



## RandomDude

lol that would be a bummer


----------



## muskrat

Dating stinks!!!!
Way to complicated for my simple mind.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Dating stinks!!!!
> Way to complicated for my simple mind.


Yeah just way to much effing around for me to rat.
l've been lucky enough to not really have to bother with dating as such in the past, l usually just met people somehow and stuff went from there.
Seems everyone talks "dating " now though , bizarre , scary too


----------



## muskrat

I have gone months without a date and then all at once I end up in some kind of bizarre love triangle or something like that. It has happened 3 times this year. Noone wants me and then all at once I have multiple women. Really makes my date one at a time personality get stressed.


----------



## Garry2012

So true muskrat. Kinda the same thing here.


----------



## RandomDude

muskrat said:


> Dating stinks!!!!
> Way to complicated for my simple mind.


It's better when it feels more natural

Like meeting someone at the laundry and taking things from there. I'm still in limbo though so bah!


----------



## vi_bride04

Reading this thread makes me want to stay away from dating even more!!!

lol


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I have gone months without a date and then all at once I end up in some kind of bizarre love triangle or something like that.


:rofl:

You's a ladies man!

And it does seem that when it rains, it pours.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> I have gone months without a date and then all at once I end up in some kind of bizarre love triangle or something like that. It has happened 3 times this year. Noone wants me and then all at once I have multiple women. Really makes my date one at a time personality get stressed.


When you act like you could care less about sex and dating but are fun to be around and can honestly listen to her and give her your undivided attention, without thinking about what you can say or do to impress her or get in her pants.... Oh yeah, women love that! Because it's not only different, it's genuinely attractive. Eye contact and empathy with good listening skills get the women, motorcycles and tattoos get the little girls. 

It's the laid back attitude, with a healthy dose of secure nervousness at times, and being comfortable in your own skin that sets you apart from all the guys who try to say or do stupid things to impress her. And contrary to that its desperation and putting pressure on yourself and her that kills the attraction every time. 

I know this stuff because I've experimented with this many times. There's a reason women don't jump at the chance to be with a sad and lonely single guy. It's because he when you're sad or lonely and haven't had anyone for a while you don't act the same as when you're dating. You're not as fun on the first encounter and women more than men tend to pick up on that and be repelled.


----------



## jpr

Muskrat!

...What is this love triangle you are involved in? I am curious...and want details.  ....please.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I have gone months without a date and then all at once I end up in some kind of bizarre love triangle or something like that. It has happened 3 times this year. Noone wants me and then all at once I have multiple women. Really makes my date one at a time personality get stressed.



Ahh , that's funny , look at it this way - multiple O's , :rofl:
Nahh l remember that use to happen to me back in single days , from droughts to pouring :scratchhead:

Can't say as l have the problem at the mo though 
Ahh, maybe that means l have some heavy rain coming :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

Louis CK: Dating - Oh My God - YouTube

:lol:

I love him


----------



## 06Daddio08

That man is hilarious. Even better after his divorce (lol), his show makes me cry laughing.


----------



## unsure78

well i have had quite the eventful week..... 3 dates in one weekend and the exh texting me trying to get me to sleep with him......hahahahahahahahahaha... i totally ignored him, its always funny when the come back around

so this weekend i had a guy who lied about his martial status so ummm NO.... a guy who killed a lot of people( former military) so ummm NO... and one second date that I very much enjoyed but he is shy and I have never dealt with a shy guy before... so a new one on me but i kinda like him... we will see

Muskrat I want to hear about your love triangle too


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> well i have had quite the eventful week..... 3 dates in one weekend and the *exh texting me trying to get me to sleep with him......hahahahahahahahahaha... i totally ignored him, its always funny when the come back around*
> 
> so this weekend i had a guy who lied about his martial status so ummm NO.... a guy who killed a lot of people( former military) so ummm NO... and one second date that I very much enjoyed but he is shy and I have never dealt with a shy guy before... so a new one on me but i kinda like him... we will see
> 
> Muskrat I want to hear about your love triangle too


OMG what balls he has....does he have that much of a grandiose image of himself he really thought you would respond to such a request?

Some people really amaze me. 

Good luck with the shy guy - could have just been nerves. Sounds like the other 2 were good to let go.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> ...and one second date that I very much enjoyed but he is shy and I have never dealt with a shy guy before... so a new one on me but i kinda like him... we will see


As someone who was once very shy and who taught himself to be less so but who is still inherently introverted way deep down inside, allow me to recommend...


----------



## angelpixie

My hat and I had a wonderful day yesterday. Made my heart go pitter-pat by...he spent HOURS helping me work on DS' costume, which took waaaayy longer than it was supposed to (curse you, Photoshop! issed. Ended up meeting DS, too, which went really well, as I picked him up from school and brought him to my place for a while as I usually do. :smthumbup: We had fun working together, and talked a bunch while we were doing it. It's a good test of a relationship to see how well you can do arts and crafts together on a time deadline! :rofl: And even though I know he was really exhausted from working two weeks straight, extra-long shifts without a day off, and then working on the costume with me for hours, he gave me an unspeakably marvelous backrub. I think the wall might be crumbling, folks.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

PB, I LOVE your introvert post! Thats me!


----------



## unsure78

Lol blues is stupid....

PB i am actually an introvert but im not shy, he is shy, has trouble looking at me, nervous around me but i like him, so im taking the lead and thats ok...

Im glad you are having fun with your hat Angel
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

angelpixie said:


> My hat and I had a wonderful day yesterday. Made my heart go pitter-pat by...he spent HOURS helping me work on DS' costume, which took waaaayy longer than it was supposed to (curse you, Photoshop! issed. Ended up meeting DS, too, which went really well, as I picked him up from school and brought him to my place for a while as I usually do. :smthumbup: We had fun working together, and talked a bunch while we were doing it. It's a good test of a relationship to see how well you can do arts and crafts together on a time deadline! :rofl: And even though I know he was really exhausted from working two weeks straight, extra-long shifts without a day off, and then working on the costume with me for hours, he gave me an unspeakably marvelous backrub. I think the wall might be crumbling, folks.



Yay! See!! If a guy is into you, no matter how tired and how hard he works...he will always make time for you! *I'm looking at YOU 3X *


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> PB, I LOVE your introvert post! Thats me!


I am an introvert too...very very shy. 




:lol::rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel, be careful your hat doesn't give you cystitis x


----------



## COGypsy

Dollystanford said:


> Angel, be careful your hat doesn't give you cystitis x


Indeed....remember you have to work your way up to marathon millinery if you've been out of the haberdashery for a while!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Yay! See!! If a guy is into you, no matter how tired and how hard he works...he will always make time for you! *I'm looking at YOU 3X *


Yes dear, I figured you were!  Thank you!


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes dear, I figured you were!  Thank you!


I still want to throw something at Mr. Chemistry aka Dumbass's head... is he still texting you?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> I still want to throw something at Mr. Chemistry aka Dumbass's head... is he still texting you?


He is, we watched the ball game together the other night.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Angel, be careful your hat doesn't give you cystitis x





COGypsy said:


> Indeed....remember you have to work your way up to marathon millinery if you've been out of the haberdashery for a while!
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Dolly, don't ever let anyone tell you you're not a true romantic. :rofl::rofl::rofl:



Actually, I'm already 3 steps ahead of y'all. Cranberry juice is on stand-by. :smthumbup: :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

Go AP, I am so happy for you!
Isn't dating fun Unsure?:rofl:
I don't know I may be giving you run for your money with hat shopping Jpr. 

Ok, I was joking on the last 2. I really am happy for AP.


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> I am an introvert too...very very shy.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :lol::rofl:




ls that basically what introverted is is it, shyness ?
You wouldn't think you were by your posts and being game enough to include a pic . l'm to internet paranoid to put in a pic , have put in some privately though for a few friends .
I really wouldn't worry about shyness if l was shy or a female and shy. Shy girls can be just gorgeous plus , shy people usually just come right out anyway among the right people or at home, so who cares that's all that matters. 
l've also noticed they can be very strong people too they just don't need to advertise it.
My x was shy and so is her dad but both two of the strongest people l know. And that's from me coming from a huge large and very voiced and loud family.
X can get more done with just a look than most people get jumping up and down yelling from roof tops. :rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> ls that basically what introverted is is it, shyness ?
> You wouldn't think you were by your posts and being game enough to include a pic . l'm to internet paranoid to put in a pic , have put in some privately though for a few friends .
> I really wouldn't worry about shyness if l was shy or a female and shy. Shy girls can be just gorgeous plus , shy people usually just come right out anyway among the right people or at home, so who cares that's all that matters.
> l've also noticed they can be very strong people too they just don't need to advertise it.
> My x was shy and so is her dad but both two of the strongest people l know. And that's from me coming from a huge large and very voiced and loud family.
> X can get more done with just a look than most people get jumping up and down yelling from roof tops. :rofl:



Oh I was totally joking WH..hence the laughing dude beneath it. I think I am way funnier than I really am lol. I am not shy.


----------



## jpr

Muskrat....I am still waiting on those details...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Muskrat!
> 
> ...What is this love triangle you are involved in? I am curious...and want details.  ....please.





unsure78 said:


> Muskrat I want to hear about your love triangle too





2galsmom said:


> Happy Halloween to all TAM Singles and their hats, with or without chemistry. I eagerly await the Muskrat Love Triangle saga update . . .





jpr said:


> Muskrat....I am still waiting on those details...


So MR....??

You can't just say something like that get everyone's curiosity up and then not explain...!


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> Oh I was totally joking WH..hence the laughing dude beneath it. I think I am way funnier than I really am lol. I am not shy.




Damn , another magnificent post by hawk gone to waste !
ha , wondered where he fitted in and hey , as long as we think we're funny who gives a [email protected] :rofl: . <<< ps , l luv this guy


----------



## Nsweet

So I found out where all the above average to hot single men are at night, and it's not a bar. I pass by a couple restaurants every night on my way to go workout on a really nice school playground. And every night around 7-9pm I see a bunch of lonely looking straight guys eating dinner for one in places like Boston Market and IHOP. Most of them looked somewhat in shape in the healthier restaurants. It's kinda sad really, like they just looked bummed out and lonely. 

I haven't really seen a lot of single women on my route around here at night except for those in cars, but I did notice a lot of beautiful women frequenting places that serve fresh baked goods and healthier food choices from delis to sandwich shops and ice cream places around an hour or so after rush hour begins. And then of course there's a few yoga, art, and pilates studios around her with predominantly female crowds in their late 20s to early 40s.


----------



## lisab0105

*Sigh* totally random, I just thought everyone should know I have a huge crush on the AT&T guy and his commercials.


----------



## Conrad

Nsweet said:


> So I found out where all the above average to hot single men are at night, and it's not a bar. I pass by a couple restaurants every night on my way to go workout on a really nice school playground. And every night around 7-9pm I see a bunch of lonely looking straight guys eating dinner for one in places like Boston Market and IHOP. Most of them looked somewhat in shape in the healthier restaurants. It's kinda sad really, like they just looked bummed out and lonely.
> 
> I haven't really seen a lot of single women on my route around here at night except for those in cars, but I did notice a lot of beautiful women frequenting places that serve fresh baked goods and healthier food choices from delis to sandwich shops and ice cream places around an hour or so after rush hour begins. And then of course there's a few yoga, art, and pilates studios around her with predominantly female crowds in their late 20s to early 40s.


Panera Bread


----------



## Nsweet

Conrad said:


> Panera Bread


Definitely!:smthumbup:

That's where you bring the lonely women from the supermarket buying lean cuisine and cat food.


----------



## vi_bride04

Boston Market and IHOP you say???


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Boston Market and IHOP you say???


I kid you not. There were some pretty good looking well dressed men in their 30s In Boston Market tonight. They were all leaning over their food eating slowly and probably secretly wishing they had a woman that could cook for them. Easy pickens!:smthumbup:

And then in IHOP I always seem to see college kids, some single guys (less than Boston Market), a few couples, and cops in between shifts or a group of them discussing their job and arrest stories. 

I also see a lot of single moms and dads in McDonalds around 8pm on weeknights. I know because I used to go there for free refills on Diet Dr.Pepper and free WiFi. They sit around the indoors playground and watch their kids while either using their laptop or cellphones or eating. 

Yeah, for some reason wherever there's homestyle food there's men.... And wherever there's trendy food there's women.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> I haven't really seen a lot of single women on my route around here at night except for those in cars,* but I did notice a lot of beautiful women frequenting places that serve fresh baked goods *and healthier food choices from delis to sandwich shops *and ice cream *places around an hour or so after rush hour begins. And then of course there's a few yoga, art, and pilates studios around her with predominantly female crowds in their late 20s to early 40s.


Because carbohydrates are always there for you, whereas a guy might not be.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Nsweet, please do not consume diet soda!


Come on, that was months and months ago. I stopped drinking diet sodas because they tear up my gums and turn my teeth yellow. I eat real sugar now, not a lot but enough to sweeten things like rice gruel, and almost never have anything sweet to drink. 

I'm not intolerant to gluten but I try to really limit wheat in my diet. No more than a few slices of bread a day and not everyday. And I have to restrict sodium in my diet so I don't swell up with up to 10lbs of water weight. I'm looking really good because of these changes to my diet BTW.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Well how I am I supposed to know that was months and months ago? All of a sudden you are eating at IHOP where the syrup is high fructose corn syrup instead of natural maple syrup and then diet soda? DIET SODA! I thought we were going to need an intervention!
> 
> I am not intolerant of the gluten either but I feel better if I limit refined carbs. I actually had a miracle occur, I think I can go days without bread! So wonders never cease.


Like I could afford to eat at IHOP. I said I was walking by IHOP and Boston Market and noticed the single guys dining alone. I never said anything about actually eating that crap.

I actually don't like sodas now that I've gotten used to not eating sweets all the time. I used to down 1-2 two liters of Diet Mt. Dew everyday just for the caffeine content, but I swapped that out for 400-600mg of caffeine from pills (I hate coffee) and I'm doing a lot better. 

I workout every single day so I can get away with some junk foods and refined starches, but I still limit those things to one day every week or every other week. All I know is I carry less water and look more muscular eating lots of white potatoes, white rice, soured oatmeal, a little bit of fatty cuts of meat like liver or chicken with the skin, and less sugar and starch overall. Very old world diet rich in staples and enough fats to keep me feeling good.


----------



## muskrat

Wow, I never put that much thought into my diet. maybe I should start.

Since it appears a few of the lovely ladies of TAM will not let this go, I am going to tell a little story. The story is about some idiot we will call M and his attempt at online dating. Oh, this will be the cliff notes version.
One day a lonely nice guy (M) stumbled into a singles chat forum. He was pretty shy, but slowly started posting and getting to know the other singles. After about a month he was starting to fit in and enjoyed the conversations. Around this time a new lovely lady (A) joined the group. M took a shine to A and started sending her pm's. She responded and text's soon followed. Things seemed nice enough, but she was a little distant. M was still trying to make new friends. So he sent a pm to other members of the group including (D). D was a well gorgeous but well known flirt. M and D also exchanged a few texts and had a few conversations. They had so, so much in common. After about 2 weeks they were finishing each others sentences. The chemistry was off the charts, more then M had ever had with anyone before.
D got a little scared. She had met some men from the forums before and things never ended well. So she pulled back. About this same time A started opening up again. So 1 weekend M did not have his kids. His plans fell through, so he asked D if she would like to meet. She was still pulling back and declined. So M not being discouraged asked A. A jumped at the opportunity and plans were made to get together on sat night when A got off of work. (note, neither A or D live in the same state as M). So sat morning M drove to A's area and got a room. A ended up working late and only showed up at 10 pm. Luckily M was a smart guy and had ordered room service, so they could still have dinner. After dinner M asked A what she would like to do, he was unfamiliar with the town and would follow her lead. She suggested a trip to a shop. So off they went in her car. They ended up at an adult toy store. (this is true folks, I could not make this up). M was completely out of his element but sucked it up and was polite. A was a lot of fun and an interesting person to say the least. After shopping they went back to the hotel. A acted like she was going to go home, but made a turn and sat on the bed next to M. Kissing ensued..............
In the morning M and A went for a nice drive and she showed him around the area. Then M headed home. He liked A, she was very nice and she was cute. But he didn't feel any spark. On his way home he called D. They talked and she really opened up. She told him how she had pulled away because she had been hurt so many times and she was tired of men saying they would come and then never show up. Me going to meet A showed her I was serious.
So M is now falling hard for D. They Skype till 2-3am almost every night. They plan to meet next week. In the mean time A has stars in her eyes and M just can't seem to find a way to tell her it will not work. That is where we are for now.
So at this point both D and A are falling for M. M likes both, but there is something extra with D. We will see when they meet if it is still there. So M has managed to go from no dates to having to break a nice ladies heart while pursueing another. And yes before you ask they both know about the other and are both members of the same chat group. (there is no way this is not going to blow up in my face). A doesn't know that M plans to meet D. She only knows that they talk. D knows all about A, including the fact that M and A spent the night together. I tell ya I have never been able to be so open and honest with someone. D now says she wishes she would have told me to come to her that weekend. She admits that she pushed me away and says she understands why I went to meet A.
OK, this is really long and I need to go. I will be back later to fill in any missing details in this twisted story of how "the Muskrat turns".


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> so this weekend i had a guy who lied about his martial status so ummm NO....


Yuck. What a dummy!



angelpixie said:


> I think the wall might be crumbling, folks.


:smthumbup::smthumbup:



lisab0105 said:


> *Sigh* totally random, I just thought everyone should know I have a huge crush on the AT&T guy and his commercials.


You know who I absolutely love? The Allstate Mayhem guy. Swoon!


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh man! This is like a soap opera, Muskrat.

And of course, I have to ask... is this TAM-related? Cause I am nosey and want to know if you are talking about this love triangle taking place right here on TAM? Squee! 



muskrat said:


> After dinner M asked A what she would like to do, he was unfamiliar with the town and would follow her lead. She suggested a trip to a shop. So off they went in her car. They ended up at an adult toy store. (this is true folks, I could not make this up).


Omg! You have some serious mojo, Muskrat!
Lol




muskrat said:


> They talked and she really opened up. She told him how she had pulled away because she had been hurt so many times and she was tired of men saying they would come and then never show up*. Me going to meet A showed her I was serious.*


Ok I have to say -- is D only acting interested now because she got jealous about A? Like, a last ditch effort to prove herself? It seems iffy to me. Not sure I dig the vibe I am getting from that... 



muskrat said:


> So M is now falling hard for D. They Skype till 2-3am almost every night. They plan to meet next week. In the mean time A has stars in her eyes and M just can't seem to find a way to tell her it will not work. That is where we are for now.


You need to tell her. No point in stringing her along if you aren't feeling it. You wouldn't like if someone did it to you. 




muskrat said:


> So at this point both D and A are falling for M. M likes both, but there is something extra with D. We will see when they meet if it is still there.


Have you seen pics of her at least? Will be interesting to see how this transpires! I am going to get my popcorn. Very very entertaining story, ladies man Muskrat!


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Because carbohydrates are always there for you, whereas a guy might not be.


Cute!


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Yuck. What a dummy!
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> You know who I absolutely love? The Allstate Mayhem guy. Swoon!


Dean Winters :smnotworthy: I love him in everythong..SVU, Rescue Me


----------



## lisab0105

HAHA, I am going to leave that little typo there..because you know what..I bet I would love him in every thong too!


----------



## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> Well M thank you for sharing. Are we voting here? I vote for D.
> 
> I do not trust A Muskrat.


Why? What has A done that's untrustworthy? She has been open and honest with him about her liking him. 



lisab0105 said:


> Dean Winters :smnotworthy: I love him in everythong..SVU, Rescue Me


I have a serious serious crush on him. I love him.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Why? What has A done that's untrustworthy? She has been open and honest with him about her liking him.
> 
> 
> 
> I have a serious serious crush on him. I love him.



Sex toy shop on first date...


----------



## Nsweet

Ok Muskrat, that was a painfully long read but I did enjoy it.:smthumbup: 

To be honest I don't think you should settle down with either one. 

*A* pulled her distancing crap because she's not serious about finding anyone like you are. I know you say you want to have fun but I can tell you're looking for a long term girlfriend or another wife. And then on your first date she sleeps with you, which would have been kind of a sweet purposeful mistake if she hadn't taken you to an adult toy store first. :wtf:That just screams red flag! I mean sex is fine once you get to know someone, but a lot of people use it to get you to like them and so they can lower your guard and slip their crazy by you. I would seriously think about slowing it down with A if I were you. She may turn out to be a keeper, because she's not as bad as *D*.

*D* is a well known flirt. STOP. Read that again! Within TWO WEEKS you were madly f*cking in love with her, and then she said she had been hurt by a lot of other men, and if I had a nickle for every time I heard this I would be rich by now. Seriously, that doesn't ring alarm bells in your head? Some beautiful woman you don't even know flips on all your attraction switches, mirrors everything you like, say, and do, and then says "I LOVE YOU" and you're not worried? And then to top it off she pulls the "I've been hurt by my exes, prove you're better" hoop out of the closet for you to jump through. Red flag! There's a reason someone who's been hurt many times before, has been hurt many times before.... Because she goes after the same type of men who will hurt her. She is a flirt after all and I want to say it's a safe bet she falls in love just as quickly as she falls out of love and either cheats on or screws with guys who want to hurt her after she leaves. 

And really Muskrat, you're kinda screwing yourself over by creating jealousy between two women. I mean you may get the best sex of your life from one of them, but after the chase is over you're going to be left one of two women who doesn't want you for you. It's the same experience cheaters have right after the divorce of the spouses marriage, they longed for their prize and when the dopamine rush wears off they can't enjoy the natural lull and transition into the lowered sex comfort stage. 

I know you don't want to hear it from me but I feel I need to tell you, and in all caps to make my point. *YOU DON'T HAVE TO PICK EITHER ONE!* This isn't high school where you figure you have to choose Becky or Mary and no one else. You can tell the both to take a hike while you look for a woman who will take it slow, not have sex with you as soon as she can, and will not messs with your head as much as *D* has. I'm no expert but I see a lot of red flags in *D*. *A* could be a fairly decent woman once you get to know her without sex getting in the way, but I would still tell to approach with caution. Distancing like she has done with you could mean a lot of bad things you're not thinking of... like that she's married, for one.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> Sex toy shop on first date...


Yeah you are right. That is a bit much but it still does not make her untrustworthy. Kinky, yes but alas...what the hell do I know?

I haven't had sex since the last census was taken. 

:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> ...I mean sex is fine once you get to know someone, but a lot of people use it to get you to like them and so they can lower your guard and slip their crazy by you...
> 
> ...*D* is a well known flirt. STOP. Read that again! Within TWO WEEKS you were madly f*cking in love with her, and then she said she had been hurt by a lot of other men...
> 
> ...Some beautiful woman you don't even know flips on all your attraction switches, mirrors everything you like, say, and do, and then says "I LOVE YOU" and you're not worried? And then to top it off she pulls the "I've been hurt by my exes, prove you're better" hoop out of the closet for you to jump through...


Put all that together, and that's exactly how the WWotMW reeled me in all those years ago.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> And then on your first date she sleeps with you, which would have been kind of a sweet purposeful mistake if she hadn't taken you to an adult toy store first.


LOL. Nsweet, just the way you said it made me :rofl:



Nsweet said:


> *D* is a well known flirt. STOP. Read that again! Within TWO WEEKS you were madly f*cking in love with her, and then she said she had been hurt by a lot of other men


I agree with the part about her being such a big flirt with everyone as being a bad sign. But the thing that was most red-flaggy to me was her hot and cold with you -- she seemed into you, came on strong, pulled back and only pulled forward AFTER you told her you met with someone else. Almost like she wanted to one-up A after the fact and prove herself that she can get you, too. 

See what I am saying? Like a game. Idk. I could be wrong. But that was the vibe I got when I read about her.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Put all that together, and that's exactly how the WWotMW reeled me in all those years ago.


Wha't WWotMW mean? 

Do you mean she proclaimed deep undying love for you fast? Expand, please.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

2galsmom said:


> Sex toys on first date is an  from me.


:iagree:


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Well Nsweet answered it.
> 
> As for D someone deeply hurt by men, I would NEVER go and tell people IRL and I have bean beaten up, LITERALLY. I don't count this message board in this is where I do it and that is the purpose of this board, not to date. But I do see fewer read flags with her, I stay away from men and women who enjoy the victim chair.
> 
> And A is a no go, the sex toy shop, I am leaving, no I am staying, look I am on your bed, I like games and I am sneaky etc. etc.
> 
> Sex toys on first date is an  from me.


I didn't exactly say it, but anyone who uses the damsel in distress schtick as date-bait is trying to lure in "nice guys" to endlessly pick up her sh!t after her. Ahem, "Oh whoah is me I can't afford my rent because I went shopping, if you love me you'll help me out.... "I've been hurt by every bad boy I dated, you *better be nice to poor little me."* 

I've run through quite a few sensitive types and damsels in distress, both in bed and on first dates, and they're never sweet, kind, and innocent for long, they're actually gold-diggers and emotionally bullies in disguise. Once they drop their guard they're going constantly put you in no win situations and transform you from the best thing since sliced bread into just another bad boyfriend or husband tale to tell the next sucker. 

2galsmom brings up a good point about *A* playing games. She knew what she wanted to do on the first date when she went to your hotel room. She just wanted to go to a sex shop first so she could have a good enough excuse to do it in the first place. And really any woman who will sleep with you on the first date kind of writes herself off as anything serious. No offense to her (or women in general), but when you have sex too soon you stop working on friendship and the groundwork for a relationship and make everything about sex. There has to something leading up to it and a natural timeline. The only way around this is to kinda write it off as a mistake and agree to both take it slow and get to know one another from step one.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> . There has to something leading up to it and a natural timeline. The only way around this is to kinda write it off as a mistake and agree to both take it slow and get to know one another from step one.


How long before you like to have sex/think it is appropriate time to wait before you have sex with someone? How many dates?


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Wha't WWotMW mean?
> 
> Do you mean she proclaimed deep undying love for you fast? Expand, please.


Simply put.... She doesn't even know him and already she's firing off "I LOVE YOU!". Either this is someone who falls in INFATUATION fast and calls it love, or she's so psychologically damaged that she dumps men in a premptive strike to avoid feeling abandoned again. Usually these types swing from relationship to relationship like a monkey from vines from the end of one honeymoon phase to the next....because daddy didn't love her, or daddy loved her too much (either one). Left alone, that's when they really break down into messes, either suffering from severe depression or several recurring bouts of suicide attempts. 

This is from the guy who used to date strippers, go after crazy chicks, and met his BPD waif ex wife on a gothic/punk dating website and married her on his 21st birthday. I was soo stupid back then!:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Wha't WWotMW mean?


Allow me, Pbar -- Wicked Witch of the Midwest.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> How long before you like to have sex/think it is appropriate time to wait before you have sex with someone? How many dates?


Oh, I like to make a woman wait. Like maybe 7 or 8 dates, about a month in all. Because if you try to have sex with her on the first date, you're a pig. If you try it on the second date, you're a pig who can wait. But when you take a little while to get to know her, still building attraction, kiss her a few nights after a couple dates spend time holding her, and don't try to force your way on her.... She will jump you!:smthumbup:


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Oh, I like to make a woman wait. Like maybe 7 or 8 dates, about a month in all. Because if you try to have sex with her on the first date, you're a pig. If you try it on the second date, you're a pig who can wait. But when you take a little while to get to know her, still building attraction, kiss her a few nights after a couple dates spend time holding her, and don't try to force your way on her.... She will jump you!:smthumbup:



Nsweet, 

From stuff I've read waiting so long will land you in the friend zone. I agree with waiting a bit but I guess it depends on the situation.


----------



## Jellybeans

Actually, Nsweet is spot on, IMO. 

If a guy shows he's interested but is not super grabby, a woman, if she is attracted to him, will be ALL over him wanting him. Hee hee.

She will be wondering why he isn't trying to get on her and it's going to make her want him more. 

Woman code.


----------



## Lifescript

Ladies ... question: If both parties are attracted to each other, won't you see the man not leading the interaction to sex as a turn off? 

I'm not saying sex on first date but after 3 dates ... if attraction is at high point?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> Ladies ... question: If both parties are attracted to each other, won't you see the man not leading the interaction to sex as a turn off?
> 
> I'm not saying sex on first date but after 3 dates ... if attraction is at high point?


It depends. Is he flirting with me? Is he touching me (my arm, etc)? If he's doing those things, then he IS showing he's interested in "that way" IMO. 

After 3 dates... for some that may be too soon. For others, it may be fine. All depends on the woman, too.


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> Ladies ... question: If both parties are attracted to each other, won't you see the man not leading the interaction to sex as a turn off?
> 
> I'm not saying sex on first date but after 3 dates ... if attraction is at high point?


Got to say I agree with Nsweet and Jelly on this... the one i kinda like now... 2 dates haven't even kissed yet... its already making me want him more that he not all over me... but yes do need some flirting or indication hes attracted


----------



## Nsweet

Lifescript said:


> Nsweet,
> 
> From stuff I've read waiting so long will land you in the friend zone. I agree with waiting a bit but I guess it depends on the situation.


WRONG! It's never making a move or touching her that lands you in the friend-zone. Specifically, there's a short time window in which you must flirt with her and touch her, naturally and non sexually at first, and she will flirt with you as you both build up attraction and continue to touch each other throughout your date. 

Did I neglect to say touch? Because it's rejecting her signs or pushing her away (maybe saying something to piss her off) and leaving her in the cold that cause her to write you off as just a friend and preserve her ego... you can't feel hurt by your date not wanting you if you put him in your "nice guys who are friends" box. That's what the dreaded "friend-zone" really means. 

I could discuss this crap all day! I'll bet you didn't know there's a way out of the friend-zone too. It's the dating world's own version of the 180, and it's not all that hard but it's kind of a waste of time because half way through you'll forget about your friend and just enjoy the other fish in the sea.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> It depends. Is he flirting with me? Is he touching me (my arm, etc)? If he's doing those things, then he IS showing he's interested in "that way" IMO.
> 
> After 3 dates... for some that may be too soon. For others, it may be fine. All depends on the woman, too.


He's flirting, touching but doesn't pull the trigger ... 

Another question ... don't women get pissed when they have to be the aggressive one sexually because the man is afraid or slow to do so?


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Got to say I agree with Nsweet and Jelly on this... the one i kinda like now... 2 dates haven't even kissed yet... its already making me want him more that he not all over me


I'm telling you--it works! 



Nsweet said:


> WRONG! It's never making a move or touching her that lands you in the friend-zone. Specifically, there's a short time window in which you must flirt with her and touch her, naturally and non sexually at first, and she will flirt with you as you both build up attraction and continue to touch each other throughout your date.


About this elusive "Friend-Zone" -- for me personally, I know almost right away if a guy is going to be there or not. Sure, he could live between Friend Zone and Possible Romantic Relationship but a definitive Friend Zone -- I always know who those guys are for ME personally. It just feels different.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> He's flirting, touching but doesn't pull the trigger ...
> 
> Another question ... don't women get pissed when they have to be the aggressive one sexually because the man is afraid or slow to do so?


I mean, I prefer a guy to take initiative when it comes to actually getting it on (the first time?) but... if he's flirting with me and touching me, he is showing me he's attracted and that is perfectly fine because I am not questioning in my head whether he's into me or not. It's just a matter of when it's going to happen. Muahahaha. 

And we all know, there is nothing in the world sexier than anticipation.

On Sex and the City, many years ago, there was a great quote by Samantha (I think) who said, _"The only thing sexier than having sex is not having sex."_

The anticipation BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNS.

Hehehehehehehe.

You see, the mind (IMO) is the biggest stimulator. It's all the wondering and What if'ing
and imagining what it's going to be like. The mind = molotov c0cktail of anticipation.

At least, it is for me.


----------



## angelpixie

I don't see the '3 Date' semi-rule, actually. It seems like when people talk about it, it's either nothing or full-on sex. What about if those dates are filled with other kinds of affectionate touch, making out, flirty talk, etc.? Isn't that enough to show there's interest, especially if the above things are increasing? If the above things were true, I for one would definitely not see it as a turn-off if the guy wasn't leading toward sex after 3 dates. I'm one of those people who needs an emotional connection first. You simply cannot develop that in 3 dates, IMO. Physical attraction? Sexual chemistry? Yes and yes, but not the emotional. That takes more time and contact to develop.

If someone doesn't see sex that way (i.e., they don't have as much or any emotional connection to it) they might want you to push harder and faster (*snicker*) -- but then I'd think you'd want to make sure you saw sex the same way. It could be that the other person sleeps around more than you're comfortable with. 

I always wonder if the '3 Date' Rule guys (and I'm looking at you, 3Strikes ) are OK with a woman who dates a lot, and _does_ have sex by date 3 with all of _those_ guys, too.


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> He's flirting, touching but doesn't pull the trigger ...
> 
> Another question ... don't women get pissed when they have to be the aggressive one sexually because the man is afraid or slow to do so?


Im in that exact situation right now... it a first for me... its been a bit confusing but I also dont mind being a bit aggressive... however that being said if it keeps going forever where i have to continually lead it will turn me off eventually


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Im in that exact situation right now... it a first for me... its been a bit confusing but I also dont mind being a bit aggressive... however that being said if it keeps going forever where i have to continually lead it will turn me off eventually


You've only been on two dates, unsure. Give it some time.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> You've only been on two dates, unsure. Give it some time.


Oh I am planning on it...  we have been talking for a few months though...


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Im in that exact situation right now... it a first for me... its been a bit confusing but I also dont mind being a bit aggressive... however that being said if it keeps going forever where i have to continually lead it will turn me off eventually


That's what I thought.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Oh I am planning on it...  we have been talking for a few months though...


It's gonna be AWESOME!


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> That's what I thought.


Script though it makes me want to jump him...


----------



## Lifescript

NSweet seems to be spot on. It's guys who do nothing that get put on the friend zone. Thanks for clarifying. 

Unsure, 

Someone told me something similar to what you said. That women know the instant they see you whether they see you as a potential partner or not (friend).


----------



## Nsweet

It was funny. I read a story last night about 19yo girl in college who though she met the perfect boyfriend because he waited to long to sleep with her, but he was really sweet. It turned out he was nervous because his penis was HEEYUGE! I guess he didn't want to hurt her.

Wait I found it! 
Dealbreaker: His Penis Made Me Cry


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> Someone told me something similar to what you said. That women know the instant they see you whether they see you as a potential partner or not (friend).


Is it the same for men?


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> NSweet seems to be spot on. It's guys who do nothing that get put on the friend zone. Thanks for clarifying.
> 
> Unsure,
> 
> Someone told me something similar to what you said. That women know the instant they see you whether they see you as a potential partner or not (friend).


Jelly said it but yes, I usually know immediately... there are a few who fall in between


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Is it the same for men?


I think so. I'm kind of weird (different) though. If I don't like a woman, I won't do anything with her. A lot of guys don't care. They'll do anyone. Lol


----------



## Lifescript

I'm not all about looks before I get jumped on here .... lol


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Is it the same for men?


Let me put it this way.... There are women I might have sex with at first sight, and then there are women I would do anything in the world to get to know and just spend time with after a brief glance when they walk in the room. It's like there's always that one special woman you don't want to f*ck, you want to marry her before you even know her. They're usually like a good girl sisterly or motherly type that is different from all the easy popular girls.


----------



## lisab0105

The last two men (Including my ex) I have been with, I actually wasn't feeling it at first. I wasn't really attracted to them. But over the course of the date, their personalities, how they carried themselves turned me on and than all the sudden I couldn't get enough of them. 

So for some women, their vagina's know instantly if they are sexually attracted to a guy...for some us our vagina's are more patient and willing to dig to find the sexiness.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Let me put it this way.... There are women I might have sex with at first sight, and then there are women I would do anything in the world to get to know and just spend time with after a brief glance when they walk in the room. It's like there's always that one special woman you don't want to f*ck, you want to marry her before you even know her. They're usually like a good girl sisterly or motherly type that is different from all the easy popular girls.


True. Some women I see I want to really get to know them and see them as future something. The potential is there. 

Others as soon as you see them you think about bedding them ... it's because they give you a strong sexual vibe.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> The last two men (Including my ex) I have been with, I actually wasn't feeling it at first. I wasn't really attracted to them. But over the course of the date, their personalities, how they carried themselves turned me on and than all the sudden I couldn't get enough of them.
> 
> So for some women, their vagina's know instantly if they are sexually attracted to a guy...for some us our vagina's are more patient and willing to dig to find the sexiness.


You found them at least a bit attractive, no?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> I think so. I'm kind of weird (different) though. If I don't like a woman, I won't do anything with her. A lot of guys don't care. They'll do anyone. Lol


:rofl:



Nsweet said:


> Let me put it this way.... There are women I might have sex with at first sight, and then there are women I would do anything in the world to get to know and just spend time with after a brief glance when they walk in the room. It's like there's always that one special woman you don't want to f*ck, you want to marry her before you even know her.


Aww. That is so sweet.



Nsweet said:


> They're usually like a good girl sisterly or motherly type that is different from all the easy popular girls.


Explain more, please. Sisterly? Motherly?



lisab0105 said:


> So f*or some women, their vagina's know instantly* if they are sexually attracted to a guy...*for some us our vagina's are more patient *and willing to dig to find the sexiness.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

QOTD


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> Aww. That is so sweet.
> 
> 
> 
> Explain more, please. Sisterly? Motherly?
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> QOTD


My vagina is like a f'ckn Chia Pet, just needs a little water and she'll grow to want someone. 

Disclaimer: I didn't say she looked like a Chia Pet. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Oh My, it seems I have stirred up a hornets nest. 
To answer some questions. No it is not TAM related. 
And to clarify, no one has said anything about love, PERIOD. I have not met D in person. I have seen pics and have spent hours on Skype with her. We just have so much in common. I am in no rush though. I plan to meet her and see how things go face to face. No matter what the relationship would have to go slow. We live in different states and neither of us could move in the immediate future do to ongoing legal issues. I will admit there are some things about her that give me pause. I am going into this with my eyes wide open.
As for A. She is a very nice woman. I just don't see a long term future with her and will have to just be honest and tell her.
The sex shop thing did blow my mind. I had only ever been in an adult store like twice. It certainly isn't somewhere I would take someone on a first date.
There is more to all this, but I tried to only state what I thought were the important details.


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn there are alot of rules to this dating stuff.....


----------



## Garry2012

If someone were to take me to a store like that, i would take it as a test. To me, its a test to see if your open minded about the topic, or are you more prudish. If you complain, dont go, then she might say "later". If you are at least game, you might win another date at least.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> To answer some questions. No it is not TAM related.


Damn. Cause you know I was going to ask for names. 



muskrat said:


> I have not met D in person. I have seen pics and have spent hours on Skype with her.


I had a Skype relationship once. It felt like I was dating my computer.  It did not work out.



muskrat said:


> We live in different states and neither of us could move in the immediate future do to ongoing legal issues.


I'd hope not! You have never even met her!



muskrat said:


> As for A. She is a very nice woman. I just don't see a long term future with her and will have to just be honest and tell her.


Good deal.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn there are alot of rules to this dating stuff.....


Right?!


----------



## vi_bride04

I think I'll just live vicariously through you guys at the moment. 

Don't care to put that much effort into trying to meet someone. Thought about it for a second...maybe even signing up for a dating site...

But I don't think I'm ready. People irritate me.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> I had a Skype relationship once. It felt like I was dating my computer.  It did not work out.
> 
> 
> 
> I'd hope not! You have never even met her!


I really don't expect any of this to last long term. I am just enjoying the ride and meeting new people. I am just trying to figure out this whole dating game.


----------



## Jellybeans

I hear ya. It's complicated!


----------



## muskrat

By the way JB, you could have stopped all this drama and made it a TAM thing. 
A few weeks ago when you said you were ready to date, I asked if you live on the East Coast. hint, hint.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hee hee. Oh great so now I learn I could have prevented all of this! 

But ... then we wouldn't have these awesome love triangle stories from you!

And, yes I do live on the e.c.


----------



## muskrat

hmmmmmmm. So you are in my neck of the woods! :smthumbup:

Oh wait, based on your advice. I have no idea what you look like or your age or anything really. :rofl: Dang I am getting brave in my old age. :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

Ah yes JB, the sisterly and motherly types. This has nothing to do with incest btw. I've run into quite a few lovely ladies that I didn't feel sexually attracted to, even though they were very beautiful and had what I liked. It was because something about made them special, their personality really spoke to me.

The sisterly types were women that I connected with almost instantly, so much so that I felt like they were the sister I never had. Instead of trying to impress her or seduce her, we're just having fun and end up acting like that couple everyone tries to get together like in the movies. She's like that best friend you end up marrying after both of you are single and decide to try out dating and like it. 

The motherly types are the real sweethearts who kinda remind you of your mom from when you were like 5. These are the women with real nurturing qualities you can see yourself having kids with someday but not today. They also have that side you just respect the hell out of because she can tell you to do things in a way that isn't b!tching or nagging, with some respect. These women are like the girls your mom picks out you don't want at first, but then end up marrying anyways and having lots of kids with.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Do you mean she proclaimed deep undying love for you fast? Expand, please.


I met her day one of college. We were both incoming Freshmen moving into the same dorm building, and I held the door open for her as she was carrying a box in. I had an instant crush on her, and shortly sent out a few tentative feelers... During conversation, she mentioned that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend or a relationship, so I backed off and we became very good friends.

Oddly, within a week or two, she had a boyfriend.

She kept me in the friend zone for two and a half years. During that time, she went through boyfriends every few months. She would always confide in me about how those boyfriends were all jerks, about how poorly they treated her, and about she wished she could find a "nice guy". When we spent time together, she playfully tease and flirt with me. And yet, if I, or someone else, implied that I was a nice guy she could date, she would say things like... "You're _too_ nice" or "You're like a brother" or "I don't deserve someone as good as you".

Just before Thanksgiving break, during our Junior year, we were hanging out with some friends in her dorm room. After everyone else left, she hung on, asking me to stay. She kissed me, and we made out. She wanted to go farther, I hesitated long enough to think twice. I let her know that I was a virgin. She implied that she was, without actually ever saying so. She then told me, "I'm tired of being a good girl," and I let her... talk ...me into it.

We were out of contact with each other for Thanksgiving break. When we returned, I didn't get a chance to contact her immediately. She made a big, teary deal about it to her best friend, who came knocking at my door to ask me what was going on. And that was the beginning of the end. We dated for a year and a half in college, had a lot of fun, had a lot of great sex, she got pregnant, and we got married.

I remember one time, she said that she'd always had a thing for me since we met that first day. I asked her, "Then why didn't you go out with me from the beginning? Why did you tell me that you didn't want to date anyone?" She replied, "I always knew that if we started dating, that I'd marry you, that I wouldn't ever want to be with anyone else."

I was special, because I wasn't like all the other guys she dated before. I wasn't a jerk like them. I was a nice guy. I was too good for her. She didn't deserve a guy like me.

I was naive, I was inexperienced, and I fell for it hook, line and sinker... And so, for that matter, did all of our friends at the time. They thought we were the perfect couple.

Later, just after she gave me the ILYBINILWY speech, she admitted that she had been dating boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend ever since was in 7th grade, and she'd slept with any of them that had asked... which was pretty much all of them.

Now, she's ditched me, just like all of those previous boyfriends. She has a new boyfriend, and she tells him all the exact same things she told me 17 years ago. And all of their friends now think they're the perfect couple.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> I had an instant crush on her, and shortly sent out a few tentative feelers... During conversation, she mentioned that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend or a relationship, so I backed off and we became very good friends.
> 
> Oddly, within a week or two, she had a boyfriend.


:rofl: Made me laugh.

Yeah... I mean... it's nutty when we think back on people we've dated and what it was like, right? In hindsight it's one clusterfck of CRAZY!

My exH told me that the day we first saw eachother/met, he turned to his cousin (who was with him) and told him "If I meet that girl, I am going to marry her." 

WEIRD.


----------



## Lifescript

PB, 

This kind of stories piss me off ... maybe because it sort of happened to me. I don't care what girls say they don't really want a nice guy and if they do it last a short while. 

They usually end up wanting an assh*le to have fun and then complain the guy is a jerk. 

Nice guys finish last. Believe me I know.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> The sisterly types were women that I connected with almost instantly, so much so that I felt like they were the sister I never had. Instead of trying to impress her or seduce her, we're just having fun and end up acting like that couple everyone tries to get together like in the movies. She's like that best friend you end up marrying after both of you are single and decide to try out dating and like it.


Yep... In college, while she was still keeping me in the friend zone, that me and X precisely.

Everyone was always trying to get us together.

And when we got married, it truly did feel like marrying my best friend.


----------



## Nsweet

Lifescript said:


> PB,
> 
> This kind of stories piss me off ... maybe because it sort of happened to me. I don't care what *girls* say they don't really want a nice *guy* and if they do it last a short while.
> 
> They usually end up wanting an assh*le to have fun and then complain the guy is a jerk.
> 
> Nice guys finish last. Believe me I know.


Yeah, GIRLS! 

You know why little girls like bad boys? Because they're immature. 

You know who likes "nice guys"? Real women who grew up and got over their motorcycle loving tattoo'd bad boy phase. End of story.


----------



## angelpixie

Hold on, hold on, hold on. I am a girl (albeit a grown-up one), and I have NEVER wanted to go out with an assh0le. I do not look for drama, I don't want a 'bad boy' to treat me like sh!t, and I appreciate a man who is good, and strong, and nice. Just putting that out there.


ETA: Thanks, Nsweet. Point made.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Yeah, GIRLS!
> 
> You know why little girls like bad boys? Because they're immature.
> 
> You know who likes "nice guys"? Real women who grew up and got over their motorcycle loving tattoo'd bad boy phase. End of story.


I'm not saying women like *******s who beat them up and treat them bad ... in my experience and what I have seen in other couples being nice (too nice) and giving them what they say they want nets you a broken heart and mistreatment. 

Again ... I know ... in my case I was dealing with a broken person and immature as well. 

But, in general, I've seem lots of women who can't leave their jerks husbands and many who cheat and leave their nice husbands.


----------



## Nsweet

Lifescript said:


> I'm not saying women like *******s who beat them up and treat them bad ... in my experience and what I have seen in other couples being nice (too nice) and giving them what they say they want nets you a broken heart and mistreatment.
> 
> Again ... I know ... in my case I was dealing with a broken person and immature as well.
> 
> But, in general, I've seem lots of women who can't leave their jerks husbands and many who cheat and leave their nice husbands.


That's a cute theory, but unfortunately a lot of women would disagree with you. 

Not all nice guys are nice and not all jerks are bad. You can't use one or two couples you don't know as the example for what all women like. 

You think nice guys finish last? And you consider yourself a nice guy? Gee, that's kind of a rotten philosophy. If you let yourself be a nice guy and something bad happens was it meant to be because you told yourself nice guys finish last?


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey nice boys have tattoos too


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Hold on, hold on, hold on. I am a girl (albeit a grown-up one), and I have NEVER wanted to go out with an assh0le. I do not look for drama, I don't want a 'bad boy' to treat me like sh!t, and I appreciate a man who is good, and strong, and nice. Just putting that out there.


Preach, woman!


----------



## lisab0105

Lifescript said:


> You found them at least a bit attractive, no?


At first, No. I was like "What am I getting myself into..."


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> That's a cute theory, but unfortunately a lot of women would disagree with you.
> 
> Not all nice guys are nice and not all jerks are bad. You can't use one or two couples you don't know as the example for what all women like.
> 
> You think nice guys finish last? And you consider yourself a nice guy? Gee, that's kind of a rotten philosophy. If you let yourself be a nice guy and something bad happens was it meant to be because you told yourself nice guys finish last?


Not a nice guy anymore, not in the naive/doormat way, no.


----------



## muskrat

Dollystanford said:


> Hey nice boys have tattoos too


I have tattoos and a motorcycle. Does that instantly make me a bad boy?:scratchhead:

I Don't think so. I am a recovering nice guy.


----------



## Dollystanford

And you have leather chaps


----------



## muskrat

Dollystanford said:


> And you have leather chaps


:rofl: And apparently you have a good memory. I was hoping you all forgot about that. :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, GIRLS!
> 
> You know why little girls like bad boys? Because they're immature.
> 
> You know who likes "nice guys"? Real women who grew up and got over their motorcycle loving tattoo'd bad boy phase. End of story.


:iagree:

Never liked the "bad boys".

Have always dated the nice guys. 

Changing my strategy - just want someone who is comfortable and confident in themselves with as little to no red flags as possible...

That should be easy to find....


----------



## Nsweet

What's with you guys acting like insecure teenagers about being called a _"nice guy"_? You read some book telling you not to be yourself and then what? Now you act like high school freshmen dorks trying to reinvent yourself into something your not so you can fit in with the cool kids and get the cheerleaders. 

So your b!tch of an ex wife cheated on you and took the kids, and now you're second guessing everything you do as not being masculine or right, maybe you were a little too nice to your wife when she took everything from you. Are you going to let her win and turn you into some assh*le the next potential Mrs. Right will be afraid of? NOOOOO!

I say don't be afraid of being a "nice guy", embrace it. Women love good men, hell we all married one or were one while married weren't we? But don't just assume you were either of those to begin with. In order to be a nice guy you have to grow the f*ck up first and be a man, and part of growing up is putting your ex behind you. How can you ever expect to move on if you keep reminding us of all the f*cked up ways she hurt you?

The second part of that is being nice, it's karma, doing the right thing, helping others because you can. You can't do either of these if you're too focused on how you look to others or if what you're doing is masculine enough to not lable you a "nice guy" or what NMMNG equates to being a loser.

Am I a nice guy? You bet. I got long hair and a sensitive side too. Do I let it worry me? Hell no. Would I try to change myself into something I'm not for a woman? I'd sooner tell her to hit the bricks and go back to enjoying myself as a nice guy. I still do nice things for people because I can, like chasing down a customer who left something at the register. I'm just not insecure about who I am anymore. The next woman who cheats on me will still see a nice guy.... putting her sh!t out the door and changing the locks.:smthumbup:


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> What's with you guys acting like insecure teenagers about being called a _"nice guy"_? You read some book telling you not to be yourself and then what? Now you act like high school freshmen dorks trying to reinvent yourself into something your not so you can fit in with the cool kids and get the cheerleaders.
> 
> So your b!tch of an ex wife cheated on you and took the kids, and now you're second guessing everything you do as not being masculine or right, maybe you were a little too nice to your wife when she took everything from you. Are you going to let her win and turn you into some assh*le the next potential Mrs. Right will be afraid of? NOOOOO!
> 
> I say don't be afraid of being a "nice guy", embrace it. Women love good men, hell we all married one or were one while married weren't we? But don't just assume you were either of those to begin with. In order to be a nice guy you have to grow the f*ck up first and be a man, and part of growing up is putting your ex behind you. How can you ever expect to move on if you keep reminding us of all the f*cked up ways she hurt you?
> 
> The second part of that is being nice, it's karma, doing the right thing, helping others because you can. You can't do either of these if you're too focused on how you look to others or if what you're doing is masculine enough to not lable you a "nice guy" or what NMMNG equates to being a loser.
> 
> Am I a nice guy? You bet. I got long hair and a sensitive side too. Do I let it worry me? Hell no. Would I try to change myself into something I'm not for a woman? I'd sooner tell her to hit the bricks and go back to enjoying myself as a nice guy. I still do nice things for people because I can, like chasing down a customer who left something at the register. I'm just not insecure about who I am anymore. The next woman who cheats on me will still see a nice guy.... putting her sh!t out the door and changing the locks.:smthumbup:


Dude, 

I'm still a nice guy. Did you not read my last post? I said I'm still a nice guy just not as naive as before. 

Next time a woman cheats on me I'll hit her in the head with a hammer.


----------



## Nsweet

Lifescript said:


> Dude,
> 
> I'm still a nice guy. Did you not read my last post? I said I'm still a nice guy just not as naive as before.
> 
> *Next time a woman cheats on me I'll hit her in the head with a hammer.*


Violence against women is no laughing matter.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Violence against women is no laughing matter.


U kidding right? Jeez


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Hey nice boys have tattoos too



Yes, they sure do.


----------



## Nsweet

Lifescript said:


> U kidding right? Jeez


No. Because you never know who's going to be triggered by jokes like that. Joking about domestic violence committed by men (or women) is like joking about rape or child molestation. It may be funny if it never happened to you or anyone you know, but then you say the wrong thing to the wrong person that has had that happen and.... Well, it isn't pretty.


----------



## Dollystanford

And splendid muscles. And penises.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> And splendid muscles. And penises.


Don't forget pierced tongues. .

My tongue is pierced btw.


----------



## Dollystanford

No darling it makes you talk funny


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> No darling it makes you talk funny


Why would you talk to me when I'm busy eating..... You know what, never mind.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Multitask baby bro


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Multitask baby bro


My god you're hard to please.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford doesn't find the time for us, TAM finds time to worship her.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Still, a deity does not need to make time for her minions.


Why should she when she's busy trying on new hats.


----------



## rebuilding72

For all the posts about "nice guys" finishing last... here is my thoughts. Yes when I was younger I went for the better looking guy, I married a pretty good looking guy- and I am not bragging but I am an attractive woman. years later, I am divorced from the egotistic, insensitive *******. Maybe in my younger years 20's I did go for the hot, buff guy and all my best guy friends were the nice guys, but as we get older we realize that that crap doesn't matter anymore! I'm 41 now and my attraction to a man is not how he looks on the outside, but who he is in on the inside. 

There are many woman out there that give us "good woman" a bad name as well, I for one do not like to be compared to other women, I am me, and don't judge me with the others until you know the real me. and I do the same, my ex was a total douche bag but I didn't judge the men I met after my divorce to him, we are not all alike. I think I did get better though at picking out the *********s and stayed very clear of them


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> Why should she when she's busy trying on new hats.


No. I think I've found the perfect hat for me


----------



## angelpixie

Well, my new hat spent time tonight rooting my nook. It's something I've wanted for a long, long time, but it was worth the wait. He was able to do it much better than I could have on my own, and now my nook does things it's never been able to do before.


----------



## Dollystanford

In one way I hope he was actually routing your nook. But then again...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

This has been an interesting early Saturday morning read...  

The next time a girl asks me to root their Nook, I might just go for the real thing!


----------



## unsure78

sigh.... the hat i want to wear is a sweet but slooooow hat, the military killer hat tells me it loves my green eyes.... both very muscular hats though...mmmmm big arms * unsure daydreams*...lol clearly i have gone too long without being touched by a man.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Once you've had a muscular hat it's hard to go back. Unsure, killer hat might like your eyes but he might also want them for his collection. You need to put a rocket up slow hat


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> Once you've had a muscular hat it's hard to go back. Unsure, killer hat might like your eyes but he might also want them for his collection. You need to put a rocket up slow hat


hahahahha... killer hat and i should just be friends ( though maybe fwb)... im working on slow hat


----------



## unsure78

ok i have put pics of of slow hat and killer hat in my private album... enjoy


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Dollystanford doesn't find the time for us, TAM finds time to worship her.


Chuck Norris even gets out of Dollys way!


----------



## Dollystanford

Chuck Norris, what a whiny little girl

I implore Slow Hat to shave his hair off


----------



## unsure78

i know slow hat bad hair but i even like him with his bad hair... killer hat just shaved off his hair
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> i know slow hat bad hair but i even like him with his bad hair... killer hat just shaved off his hair


You know... This thread gives the term "hat hair" a whole new meaning.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> You know... This thread gives the term "hat hair" a whole new meaning.


hahhahahahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

One of my pet peeves about TAM is that a single book spreads like wild-fire throughout the boards (i.e. "No more Mr. Nice Guy", DeMello's essay about Awareness)...and then everyone jumps on the bandwagon and treats these authors like prophets.  

These different philosophies and books are so interesting to read, but it is dangerous, I feel, when we blindly subscribe the words of a single author. I sort of feel like some of the TAM men have joined a cult, where the core of who they are has been stripped away.--and certain phrases and ideas have been indoctrinated into their brains.



There is no algorithm for human interaction, and there is no script for how another human being will react to your words/behavior. 

We are all human beings--not robots. Complicated, beautiful, frustrating, flawed human beings. ...this is what makes human interaction so exciting. ...and it is what makes a true connection with another human being so fulfilling. ....even if that connection is not eternal. 

My marriage dissolved after 8 years (17 years of being together). But, that doesn't discount the connection we had at one point in time. It felt celestial to me...and it was real. ...for while.  But, it didn't last. It happens. Poop happens. But, that doesn't mean I should change the core of who I am...you live and learn and you make mistakes and you have some fun. And, that is what makes life wonderful and beautiful and true. 


Everybody be yo'self.....yo.

Sesame Street - Everybody Be Yo' Self - YouTube


----------



## 06Daddio08

Completely agree jpr. The books aren't a "key" for everything that happens. I cringe when members are advised to use "getting over the ex" methods when it comes to co-parenting.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Who put the downer on the fun discussion?:scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

ThreeStrikes said:


> Who put the downer on the fun discussion?:scratchhead:


Yea lets get back to tattooed muscular bad boys {or not so bad boys)..... *unsure still dreaming of big arms*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender




----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ThreeStrikes said:


> Who put the downer on the fun discussion?:scratchhead:


Yeah...I came here to live vicariously and now I'm just bummed out...


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


>


hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Pbartender said:


>


Is that a bottle of Tres Equis?

Cool!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah...I came here to live vicariously and now I'm just bummed out...


go look at my pic VI... you will.enjoy killer hat think... you have seen slow hat before
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Yah killer hat has a nice body but how much time do you reckon he spends flexing in the mirror


----------



## angelpixie

Unsure, is it possible that he's gay? I'm serious. Suggest you meet at a gay bar next time, and see how he reacts. Or let him think you're into certain 'practices' & see if he let's slip with "Me, too!" That might tell you a lot.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Unsure, is it possible that he's gay? I'm serious. Suggest you meet at a gay bar next time, and see how he reacts. Or let him think you're into certain 'practices' & see if he let's slip with "Me, too!" That might tell you a lot.


anything is possible.... i dont think he is but i could be wrong...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

2galsmom said:


> The nice guy vs bad guy thing is black and white thinking, and after a longitudinal in house study of the effects of "dichotomous" thinking I warn you it leads to poor choice making, dysfunction and chaos if you stick with it long enough.
> 
> 
> A guy has a failed relationship, he says I was too nice.
> 
> Well, I was not too nice. I was too weak and did not stand up for myself. I am a nice person but that is not why my relationship failed. I also chose a person who mistook being mean for being strong.
> 
> So again, you think you are doing yourself a favor by adapting the be nice - don't be nice approach but you really are not.


I think I didn't explain myself well enough. When I say I'm no longer the same nice guy ... yes, I'm referring to the "nice guy" described in the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". 

I'm not saying I'm no longer a nice guy. I'm a nice guy at my core and couldn't change even if I tried to. The book describe nice guys as yes men, unable to say no even when they don't want to do something and then getting mad and angry for doing it. It also means being weak and not making your goals a priority while instead focusing on helping others achieve their goals. 

I think we all can agree that's not a healthy way to live. That's who I was and I'm no longer that way. But ... still a nice guy if you ever meet me, very much so.


----------



## Lifescript

ThreeStrikes said:


> Who put the downer on the fun discussion?:scratchhead:


I guess that was me TS ... sorry ...


----------



## Lifescript

jpr said:


> One of my pet peeves about TAM is that a single book spreads like wild-fire throughout the boards (i.e. "No more Mr. Nice Guy", DeMello's essay about Awareness)...and then everyone jumps on the bandwagon and treats these authors like prophets.
> 
> These different philosophies and books are so interesting to read, but it is dangerous, I feel, when we blindly subscribe the words of a single author. I sort of feel like some of the TAM men have joined a cult, where the core of who they are has been stripped away.--and certain phrases and ideas have been indoctrinated into their brains.
> 
> 
> 
> There is no algorithm for human interaction, and there is no script for how another human being will react to your words/behavior.
> 
> We are all human beings--not robots. Complicated, beautiful, frustrating, flawed human beings. ...this is what makes human interaction so exciting. ...and it is what makes a true connection with another human being so fulfilling. ....even if that connection is not eternal.
> 
> My marriage dissolved after 8 years (17 years of being together). But, that doesn't discount the connection we had at one point in time. It felt celestial to me...and it was real. ...for while.  But, it didn't last. It happens. Poop happens. But, that doesn't mean I should change the core of who I am...you live and learn and you make mistakes and you have some fun. And, that is what makes life wonderful and beautiful and true.
> 
> 
> Everybody be yo'self.....yo.
> 
> Sesame Street - Everybody Be Yo' Self - YouTube


Interesting stuff JPR. 

Awareness was the first piece of literature I read after coming to TAM. Personally, I feel is a good read and has useful information. Second was "No More Mr. Nice Guy". Like many others here I found that the book described me pretty much down to a T. We are all different of course but people's personalities and views are very much shaped by their upbringing, family dynamics and conditioning. I've stopped reading CWI and Going Through Divorce/Separation forums. Why? Triggers! I could see myself in many of the stories related by the new comers. You read the first paragraph and you can guess with good certainty what the paragraphs to follow will say. It's the same story over and over again. It's not a coincidence that a lot of the guys who describe themselves as nice guys, easy going, good fathers, good husbands, like to help others and whatnot end up having difficulties in their marriage. It's not because they are good people ... that's not the problem, of course. It's because they married the wrong person or because they are weak, co-dependent, caretakers, etc. 

I've also read countless other books that support many of the theories Danny Glover talked about in his book. Looking back, had I not been weak, co-dependent, etc perhaps my marriage could have been saved or maybe not. The god thing is I've seen were I made mistakes and learned my lesson.

I agree that a book won't have an answer to everything. There's no way. Some books will resonate with some more than others. And it's good to read books with an open mind and a challenging attitude (questioning what you read). Just because something is written in a book doesn't mean it's true. 

If I had decided to change who I was because of what happened to my marriage then I'd have lost the battle. I can't change who I am. But I'm wiser after going through that. That's what life is about. Learning from your struggles. 

No More Nice Guy Talk.

Now you all can go back to your hat sessions ... LOL. 

Little did bandit know that he was going to start a revolution when he first used the term: hats. 

TAM Rocks! Have a great day everybody!


----------



## Lifescript

2galsmom said:


> Lifestyle you need not explain yourself to me, I was reacting to black and white thinking because I am the self-appointed National Spokesperson Against Dichotomous Thinking.
> 
> But actually I was reacting more to the men on here that try and pressure other men to be, I don't even know how to describe it, let's just say it is not sound advice and when women disagree they attack the women showing you how NOT to treat a woman!
> 
> Ironic no?


2galsmom, 

My post was not an explanation to you per se but I did cause this interruption of fun by bringing up the dreaded "nice guy syndrome" Lol. So I felt like I needed to say sumethin' girl. 

Well ... no one should be attacking women. That's Not cool! 

Freedom of speech. We all have a right to our own opinion. 

There will always be people: men and women ... who will try to impose their own way of thinking onto others.


----------



## Dollystanford

Would my life be better if we'd read a load of books together? Hell no, I might still be with the motherf*cker and I wouldn't have met my sexy muscled AND tattooed new hat. Who thinks I'm a goddess. Yeah baby


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lol. I love the dynamic. Men pressuring men on how to act towards a woman. Women consulting with women on how muscular their men are.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Lol. I love the dynamic. Men pressuring men on how to act towards a woman. Women consulting with women on how muscular their men are.


Oh Up you know we are a bunch of high drive women here.... speeking of muscles killer just asked me out for next sat night...... i think i will go but then use that opportunity to tell him we are prob just best as friends
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

06Daddio08 said:


> Lol. I love the dynamic. Men pressuring men on how to act towards a woman. Women consulting with women on how muscular their men are.


So, I guess we can still be nice guys......as long as we're muscular.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ThreeStrikes said:


> So, I guess we can still be nice guys......as long as we're muscular.


I'm a muscular guy with a teddy bear exterior. The best of both worlds.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Oh Up you know we are a bunch of high drive women here.... speeking of muscles killer just asked me out for next sat night...... i think i will go but then use that opportunity to tell him we are prob just best as friends
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is that before or after you get a free meal out of it? Because in all honesty if you wait until you go on this date to tell him "I think you and I should just be friends" you're probably going to piss him off and lose him anyways. You better tell him over the phone and be happy ordering off the dollar menu, is all I'm saying. 

And not to be that guy, but don't you think you're sorta double dipping dating two guys who work together? All they have to do is start talking to each other to create jealousy and then they're not dating you for you, they're trying to "win" you from each other, or steal you back from the other one.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Oh Up you know we are a bunch of high drive women here.... speeking of muscles killer just asked me out for next sat night...... i think i will go but then use that opportunity to tell him we are prob just best as friends
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha it's all good. I'm still on the lookout for a 5'5" bombshell.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Is that before or after you get a free meal out of it? Because in all honesty if you wait until you go on this date to tell him "I think you and I should just be friends" you're probably going to piss him off and lose him anyways. You better tell him over the phone and be happy ordering off the dollar menu, is all I'm saying.
> 
> And not to be that guy, but don't you think you're sorta double dipping dating two guys who work together? All they have to do is start talking to each other to create jealousy and then they're not dating you for you, they're trying to "win" you from each other, or steal you back from the other one.


the two guys dont work togther.... totally different jobs... im not going out just for a free meal NSweet, i do think killer hat is an extremely interesting individual and has had an amazing life... i enjoy him, i just dont think with his background that it would mesh well with having a young child. part of me dating is going out and meeting new people... when i click with someone i would like to know and understand them... he is very unique .... i do like slow hat and think we would work well together but hes not making any moves either... so ehat i should just sit home and pine over him... f#ck that, thats what i did im my marriage... nothing wrong with getting to know people, im not exclusive with anyone right now.... and i could care less about a free meal, i can pay for it myself... i make as much as both of them do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Hi 2GM.

Yep, I'm stalking you.



ETA I'm controversial and shallow


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Oh Up you know we are a bunch of high drive women here
> 
> 
> tell him we are prob just best as friends
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh wut? :scratchhead:

The friend zone SUCKS!!!!!!

Hi unsure78!


----------



## Disenchanted

2galsmom said:


> Indeed you but you neglected humorous.


knew I could count on you


----------



## unsure78

hi Dis!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha it's all good. I'm still on the lookout for a 5'5" bombshell.


Oh Up there's millions of us


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> the two guys dont work togther.... totally different jobs... im not going out just for a free meal NSweet, i do think killer hat is an extremely interesting individual and has had an amazing life... i enjoy him, i just dont think with his background that it would mesh well with having a young child. part of me dating is going out and meeting new people... when i click with someone i would like to know and understand them... he is very unique .... i do like slow hat and think we would work well together but hes not making any moves either... so ehat i should just sit home and pine over him... f#ck that, thats what i did im my marriage... nothing wrong with getting to know people, im not exclusive with anyone right now.... and i could care less about a free meal, i can pay for it myself... i make as much as both of them do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok you obviously took offense to a joke, but you know where I was coming from with that. Don't lead killer along trying to be nice, he can take the truth but sooner would be better. At least before he falls head over heals in love with you and gets hurt. He may be a big strong men but those men do have feelings too, just feelings buried under an armor plating of tattoos and scars.

So if slow hat isn't making a move and you've both spent enough time together, why not talk to him about it? Maybe he's just a gentleman or been hurt before, or he may not know the signs. He seems like the type that would prefer to take it slow, but if you need to hear it from him try asking him. Who knows, maybe you two will enjoy your dates more if you both agree on how slow to take things. 

Unsure, we've talked about this... There's nothing wrong with dating a couple people and not being exclusive, especially after everything you've been through. You're just having fun and interviewing several potential husbands at once. It's not like you're engaged to one or anything, and they all know so there's no problem. If someone can't deal with the buying pressure then he isn't cut out for the long chase and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.


----------



## unsure78

oh and for the record i recently went on a second date with a guy who after the date told me he didnt feel the connection with me... and thats ok, it was just a second date, just learning more,about another individual.... oh i thought you were being serious nsweet... i should have known better 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> Oh Up there's millions of us


Bloody well good then!

Dolly, tell me what you think of my little American son's accent, I think it's pretty good:

Vocaroo | Voice message


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dollystanford said:


> Oh Up there's millions of us


Excellent. I cannot wait to toss one of you around! :rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> oh and for the record i recently went on a second date with a guy who after the date told me he didnt feel the connection with me... and thats ok, it was just a second date, just learning more,about another individual.... oh i thought you were being serious nsweet... i should have known better
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


what a stupid motherfvcker.

sheesh.

:crazy:


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> what a stupid motherfvcker.
> 
> sheesh.
> 
> :crazy:



lol... Dis, VI said before you kinda look like slow hat that i like....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> lol... Dis, VI said before you kinda look like slow hat that i like....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yes I like that


----------



## unsure78

now i want to see a pic....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

I can dance too, check me out (don't pay attention to the dirty part at the end)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRZ2Sh5-XuM


----------



## Pbartender

My biggest sister used to live two states away. Just a week ago, she started in as the new pastor of a church just a short drive away from where I live. So, last weekend, my Mom came in on the train, I picked her up and together we drove down for my sister's installation ceremony.

Yesterday, my sister sends me a note...

_"Okay. I was at the Thursday bible study meeting at church. All the women voted YOU most handsome."_

...and I wasn't even trying. Apparently, they all kept asking her about me.

Later, while I was picking up a few groceries with my Mom, she pointed out a cashier who kept "making googley eyes" at me... Mothers. Gotta love 'em.

Of course, I've begun to notice that the less I actively try to find a girlfriend, the more attractive I seem to be to women and the more interest they tend to show.

I'm still the nice guy I was before. I'm still polite and respectful and helpful in the gentlemanly way that's always been a part of my personality's foundation, and always will be. But... I'm also not worrying and agonizing and incessantly over-thinking and second-guessing my actions and decisions and plans to get a woman to like me and go out with me. Without that extra, unnecessary stress, I am free to simply be myself comfortably and confidently and without reservation, instead of trying to badly play a role that doesn't suit me.

And that's what the PUA games are all about, when you really think about it... They're all just scripts for artificially projecting that sort of comfortable confidence that attracts women.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I can dance too, check me out (don't pay attention to the dirty part at the end)
> 
> 
> going to the store - YouTube


hahahahaahahagagg
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> hahahahaahahagagg
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


can you see the picture on your phone?


----------



## unsure78

yea... i donr think you look like slow hat .... but you are cute
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Pbartender said:


> My biggest sister used to live two states away...........


Just be careful of the wake of destruction and heartbreak you leave behind. It's tough on a Nice Guy's sense of guilt.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> I can dance too, check me out (don't pay attention to the dirty part at the end)
> 
> 
> going to the store - YouTube


OMG that was FREAKY!!


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> yea... i donr think you look like slow hat .... but you are cute
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A guy can dream.......


----------



## unsure78

maybe i need a TAM relationship..lol... seems to work well for some others
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> OMG that was FREAKY!!


just bein' me


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> maybe i need a TAM relationship..lol... seems to work well for some others
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


just don't do more then one, that's my advice


----------



## unsure78

hey PB you live by me.... wanna date me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> hey PB you live by me.... wanna date me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is that a rhetorical question?:scratchhead:

I don't live anywhere near you and I wanna date you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> maybe i need a TAM relationship..lol... seems to work well for *some* others
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. Some. Ha.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> Is that a rhetorical question?:scratchhead:
> 
> I don't live anywhere near you and I wanna date you.


I have a hunch you'd probably date anything without a trunk between it's legs.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'll date ya!


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I have a hunch you'd probably date anything without a trunk between it's legs.


Not necessarily. 

Normally I can't stand blondes, but unsure78's intelligence really does it for me.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Not necessarily.
> 
> Normally I can't stand blondes, but unsure78's intelligence really does it for me.


lol im sure its my intelligence not my "killer rack" ....hahahahahahahhaah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Omfg


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> lol im sure its my intelligence not my "killer rack" ....hahahahahahahhaah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry honey, I'm strictly an ass man. I could care less if you had an A cup or DDs.


----------



## Disenchanted

so blondes with tits are out?

lol


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> so blondes with tits are out?
> 
> lol


Exactly! I love a stick thin redheads white as freaken baked potatoes and curvy caramel-latinas, pretty much all shapes and types.... Just not bombshell blondes. Never cared much for them.

But if a girl has brains it makes her so much sexier than anything should say or any elective surgery.

You guys must know what it's like to date an attractive idiot. I'm not the only one that's dated an adult teenager.


----------



## Disenchanted

mute is my only real preference


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> oh but nsweet my a$$ is supposedly even better than my rack.... blues and engy both thought so... dolly seen it ask her...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ughh... WHAT?! Did you have sex with Dolly or something?

*Edit:* Oh wait, I think I understand you. 

I'm sure you've got a very nice ass for a white girl. Just not the Southern booty I'm accustomed to.


----------



## Disenchanted

pics?


----------



## lisab0105

It's like a verbal orgy in here.


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> It's like a verbal orgy in here.


lol... this is nothing we used to be muuuuuuuch worse back in the day
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> It's like a verbal orgy in here.


Not really. We're not covered in vegetable oil all talking all at once. And Dolly isn't verbally smothering anyone with her love.:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> oh nsweet im not very far off from the magical 36-24-36.... and im 5 4
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you're like what, one off from Sir Mix-a-lot's proportions in the Baby Got Back song?
Sir Mix-A-Lot ( Baby Got Back [36-24-36] ) - YouTube


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> im close... to that, its actually my waist that dosent make it i have had a kid you know... 26 instead of 24... and you have seen my pics im on the thin side
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, you're better looking than a lot of moms.


----------



## unsure78

ok im going to shut up about what i look like now... i usually dont talk about it , you just caught me in a mood tonight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> ok im going to shut up about what i look like now... i usually dont talk about it , you just caught me in a mood tonight
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's probably a good idea. You don't want to make anyone jealous now.


----------



## Nsweet

I think you just reposted.


----------



## muskrat

Geez, seems I missed a lot today. It is nice to see this thread so busy however.
Oh for this thread to become an orgy we would need some goats and midgets.:rofl:
As for how Unsure looks. The woman is smoking hot and she knows it. The fact that she is extremely intelligent just makes way more sexy. :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

As for any updates on how the Muskrat turns. 
Well M told A that he didn't feel any special spark. He sure hates this stuff. In some ways it is easier to be dumped then to do the dumping. Any any rate 2 weeks ago M was talking to 4 woman. 3 of them were in hot pursuit. Ironically the 1 that intrigued him the most started seeing someone else. He has now dwindle 4 down to 1
We shall see if he made the right choice.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> As for any updates on how the Muskrat turns.
> Well M told A that he didn't feel any special spark. He sure hates this stuff. In some ways it is easier to be dumped then to do the dumping. Any any rate 2 weeks ago M was talking to 4 woman. 3 of them were in hot pursuit. Ironically the 1 that intrigued him the most started seeing someone else. He has now dwindle 4 down to 1
> We shall see if he made the right choice.


thats usually how it goes rat...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I've had a lot of sex this weekend with my hat.

Lots.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> I've had a lot of sex this weekend with my hat.
> 
> Lots.


Nice! sex yea i miss that...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Well A took it really well and M and A decided that being friends is best. They agreed that they are very different.
SO that leaves D. Oh and the 1 that intrigued M. He actually asked her out after spending 8 months building up the courage. She informed him that she recently started seeing someone, but would keep him in mind if things didn't work out. As you can see M has no intention of waiting and being plan B. 

On a side note D is a teacher. Judging by JPR, teachers are an interesting group.


----------



## Disenchanted

jpr said:


> I've had a lot of sex this weekend with my hat.
> 
> Lots.


Me too, here's a pic of her










:rofl:


----------



## jpr

Teachers do it with class, Muskrat.


----------



## angelpixie

Aren't there laws against that?


----------



## angelpixie

Librarians do it by the book. Or for a more modern spin, Librarians do it digitally. *snicker*


----------



## muskrat

It appears teachers also like repetition. :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Farmers aren't afraid to get dirty and plow all day and night.  Ok that was pretty lame. :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Company Secretaries do it by committee


----------



## Dollystanford

And in minutes


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Librarians do it by the book. Or for a more modern spin, Librarians do it digitally. *snicker*


Oh AP, some things need to be done "hands on". Please don't restrict yourself to digital.


----------



## muskrat

Dollystanford said:


> Company Secretaries do it by committee


I can't imagine that Dolly ever needs a committee to get the job done.


----------



## Dollystanford

My control freakery doesn't lend itself well to group situations


----------



## worley

Dollystanford said:


> My control freakery doesn't lend itself well to group situations


yet it lends itself very well for you staying on top of things.


----------



## Dollystanford

Being on top of things usually produces my best work


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Being on top of things usually produces my best work


That's what she said.


----------



## worley

Dollystanford said:


> Being on top of things usually produces my best work


I'm sure it produces a firm rise in interest of your work skills


----------



## Dollystanford

Mad skillz


----------



## unsure78

hmmm and now im cranky.... slow hat who was maybe supposed to come ovet and hang out with me tonight still hasnt let me know either way. i haven't contacted him since friday and nothing. hmmm not good slow hat you are making unsure a cranky girl... his actiobs show he not that interested even though his words said he was... :-( hmm killer hat who has already asked me for another date and clearly told me he was interested and has complimented my eyea is currently sounding much more appealing... maybe not a long term match but a,girl can have fun too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> hey PB you live by me.... wanna date me?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> hmmm and now im cranky.... slow hat who was maybe supposed to come ovet and hang out with me tonight still hasnt let me know either way. i haven't contacted him since friday and nothing. hmmm not good slow hat you are making unsure a cranky girl... his actiobs show he not that interested even though his words said he was... :-( hmm killer hat who has already asked me for another date and clearly told me he was interested and has complimented my eyea is currently sounding much more appealing... maybe not a long term match but a,girl can have fun too
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So the one you want doesn't want you, and you're settling for the one you don't want? WHY? You know you don't have to lower the bar or choose between one or the other. You can go back out there and find yourself another man who likes you for you and won't play games. OR how about you take yourself out on a date and go flirt with some new guys and see which ones call you for a real date next weekend.


----------



## unsure78

lol... so my therapist is the third person now that thinks slow hat may be gay... soooo on to better.. killer hat and we have a possible new contender, analyzer hat

I must say im beginning to lead a very interesting life, while not always good and fun, it has been starting to become very interesting..... who knew life would be like this after D


----------



## Dollystanford

Noooo, he has to be 'ANALYSE HAT'


----------



## angelpixie

Or Shrink Hat?


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Or Shrink Hat?


....not very flattering


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> ....not very flattering



hahahahahah... shrink hat it is


----------



## Jellybeans

I guess I am perplexed at this dating thing. It seems some people want to move SO FAST and want an instant relationship and others move so slowly. What is a healthy balance really? How do you know if you are moving too fast (well actually, that's pretty easy to peg) versus going too slow? What is too slow?


----------



## muskrat

There is no "right" answer to this. Every relationship is different and moves at a different pace. The speed that is comfortable to YOU is the right pace for your relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah I know you are right... 

I am always so weirded out by those that want to 'be involved' so fast or say if you go out with someone and they text a ton and whatnot, you know? or call and are proclaiming how much they are into you when they barely know you. It seems odd. But then there is the flipside to that where you may not know what someone else is thinking. 

Dating is weird.


----------



## unsure78

yea its certainly an adventure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Got a stage 5 clinger?


----------



## muskrat

To fast is obvious, if you are being smothered with attention, that is the calling card of a stage 5.
To little attention? This is hard to say. Everyone is worried about coming on to strong to fast. The best cure for this is open communication. If you can't honestly discuss your wants and needs, maybe you are dating the wrong person. If all else fails just be blunt and ask the other person what they are thinking and feeling.
It is all very tricky and very much so a game. I refuse to play the game. I just tell woman up front if I am into them or if they are coming on to strong. I then let them dictate the pace. I do initiate contact by I do so based on their actions and reactions.
Then again I have had very bad luck dating to say the least. If I was looking for an fwb or a clinger, well then I would be batting a thousand.:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> So the one you want doesn't want you, and you're settling for the one you don't want? WHY? You know you don't have to lower the bar or choose between one or the other. You can go back out there and find yourself another man who likes you for you and won't play games. OR how about you take yourself out on a date and go flirt with some new guys and see which ones call you for a real date next weekend.




But hey , how fkg often does that happen. When l was in school this scenario was the story of my life.
l always cracked though and thought ahh, to hell with it she'll do then.
She never did for long though and it happened a dozen times since school to but l finally started learning the lesson in the end .


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> But hey , how fkg often does that happen hey. When l was in school this scenario was the story of my life.
> l always cracked though and thought ahh, to hell with it she'll do then.
> She never did for long though and it happened a dozen times since school to but l finally started learning the lesson in the end .


Yeah, but how many times does the one you have to make excuses for to sell yourself on really work out in the end? I know Unsure is a classy lady who is only having fun, but even she doesn't see anything serious with Killer and is still trying to sell herself the same line "I don't want him, but I do like the attention he gives me." You gotta trust your gut on these things and not be blinded by love. That woman's intuition, powerful stuff. The red flags you ignore for love always come back even stronger after the honeymoon is over.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Got a stage 5 clinger?


I have had many. And the further away I am from those situations, the more mind-boggling it seems how someone can come on so very strong, proclaiming these crazy feelings and calling you "love" after only having hung out once or twice, etc. That isn't healthy--it can't be. 




muskrat said:


> To fast is obvious, if you are being smothered with attention, that is the calling card of a stage 5.
> To little attention? This is hard to say. Everyone is worried about coming on to strong to fast. The best cure for this is open communication. If you can't honestly discuss your wants and needs, maybe you are dating the wrong person. If all else fails just be blunt and ask the other person what they are thinking and feeling.
> 
> It is all very tricky and very much so a game. I refuse to play the game. *I just tell woman up front if I am into them or if they are coming on to strong.*


Good stuff here. :iagree:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, but how many times does the one you have to make excuses for to sell yourself on really work out in the end? I know Unsure is a classy lady who is only having fun, but even she doesn't see anything serious with Killer and is still trying to sell herself the same line "I don't want him, but I do like the attention he gives me." You gotta trust your gut on these things and not be blinded by love. That woman's intuition, powerful stuff. The red flags you ignore for love always come back even stronger after the honeymoon is over.


Oh Nweet your are adorable... I know you are trying to look out for me... 

I dont love him, not even sure if i like him at this point, I dont really know him yet... clearly he is physically attractive man but the main thing is i do find him interesting and would like to have some fun with him...once i kinda got over the shock value of some of what he has experienced in his life (which took me a few days to process), he said some things I liked... 

I get attention from men on a regular basis, i am not starved for male attention. I go on a lot of first dates, but not too many second and its usually (but not always- im not every guys flavor believe it or not..lol) of my choosing, I do not have an issue cutting it off before it even starts if im not finding the guy attractive or interesting ... so there is something that appeals to me about him...

Now is my time to meet new and interesting people and experience life before i settle down again... i was with blues since i was 19, pretty much my entire adult life... i never dated around, I never slept around.. i worked myself to the bone during my 20's for my career and had virtually no fun. Then I became a mom/career woman before the divorce. My son and job are of course still my priority, Im an extremely responsible individual (im still a good girl) but im allowed to experience life and a different side of life... nothing wrong with that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Well I decided to test the waters a little. Signed up for a Meetup singles dance with over 100 people going in a couple weeks. I have no expectations other than to see whats it like and where my comfort level is meeting new people. I have been pretty apathetic lately so we'll see. Maybe getting my @ss out of the house will help boost my spirits a little.


----------



## moto164

Hope it go's well vi.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, but how many times does the one you have to make excuses for to sell yourself on really work out in the end? I know Unsure is a classy lady who is only having fun, but even she doesn't see anything serious with Killer and is still trying to sell herself the same line "I don't want him, but I do like the attention he gives me." You gotta trust your gut on these things and not be blinded by love. That woman's intuition, powerful stuff. The red flags you ignore for love always come back even stronger after the honeymoon is over.



Yeah , tis a catch 22 isn't it and don't you kick yourself for it. But , you can't in the end make it happen for the second choice. Well women can but that's much harder for a guy in the long run.
No such problems at the mo though anyway ha ha 
l never know about women's intuition though personally, l don't think it's any better than a guys. lt's ruined my life more than once. Guys have intuition to, often by the truckload .


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> To fast is obvious, if you are being smothered with attention, that is the calling card of a stage 5.
> To little attention? This is hard to say. Everyone is worried about coming on to strong to fast. The best cure for this is open communication. If you can't honestly discuss your wants and needs, maybe you are dating the wrong person. If all else fails just be blunt and ask the other person what they are thinking and feeling.
> It is all very tricky and very much so a game. I refuse to play the game. I just tell woman up front if I am into them or if they are coming on to strong. I then let them dictate the pace. I do initiate contact by I do so based on their actions and reactions.
> Then again I have had very bad luck dating to say the least. If I was looking for an fwb or a clinger, well then I would be batting a thousand.:rofl:



Dunno about bad luck Rat , your getting the choice , that's good going. Good luck :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Deleted , came out wrong !


----------



## Nsweet

Avoid Falling for a Jerk or Jerkette! - YouTube


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> I seem to recall that there was a big sexy guy there with serious stamina and a c*ck you could hang a wet donkey jacket off


I found Dolly's hat! I found Dolly's hat!!!

Handbag Help - YouTube

Oh I'm so proud of myself, been looking for weeks.


----------



## Dollystanford

As if I would go near a man who owned a flasher Mac


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> As if I would go near a man who owned a flasher Mac


I felt so sure this was him, he seems to meet your most important criteria!!!

MAUUAUAUAUAAAA


----------



## Dollystanford

my most important criteria is actually having an ass I can bounce pennies off


----------



## Disenchanted

Oh tell me more......

I've never been to Great Britain you know!


----------



## Dollystanford

you have to dress thus:


----------



## Nsweet

^^ And invite handsome women back to your TARDIS.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> my most important criteria is actually having an ass I can bounce pennies off


Is that how you measure a "dime piece"?


----------



## Soveryalone

oh hi guys , its been a while , I missed yas ))


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> you have to dress thus:


Can't do the vest. Don't like the color.

Next.

ETA or colour, whatever your preference


----------



## Dollystanford

It's a waistcoat not a vest

But whatever


----------



## Nsweet

What do you wear Dolly? 

Do you have a certain style, or do you naturally radiate British charm and elegance?


----------



## Dollystanford

For work - classic. Haven't worn a pair of trousers to work in about 20 years. Heels, skirts, shirts/blouses/tops or dresses

Otherwise jeans or yoga pants or running skins


----------



## Nsweet

Do you have pics?.... If not self pics, pics of similar fashion on models.

I'm curious to see what types of fashion you wear. I picture you wearing a lot of darks and accents.


----------



## Dollystanford

The pic on the right - I look exactly like that when I go to work. I even do the pose and have a wind machine blowing on me at all times


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> The pic on the right - I look exactly like that when I go to work. I even do the pose and have a wind machine blowing on me at all times


I want a girl with a mind like a diamond. I want a girl who knows what's best. I want a girl with shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes. I want a girl with the right allocations who's fast and thorough and sharp as a tack.

She's playing with her jewellery. She's putting up her hair. She's touring the facilities and picking up slack.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

I want a girl who gets up early. I want a girl who stays up late. I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity, who uses a machete to cut through red tape.

With fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack. She's touring the facilities, and picking up slack.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket.

I want a girl with a smooth liquidation. I want a girl with the right dividends. At the city bank, we will meet accidentally. We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen.

She wants a car with a cup-holder arm rest. She wants a car that will get her there. She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen. She's trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.


----------



## vi_bride04

Epic song


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Epic song


I'm not one for online dating sites -- I tried a few and they didn't suit me -- but I have at times considered signing back up, just to use those lyrics as my profile.


----------



## Disenchanted

Oh stop Miranda Kerr is far and away my favorite model.

Don't believe you.


----------



## Dollystanford

You don 't believe I look like an international supermodel huh


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> I want a girl with a mind like a diamond. I want a girl who knows what's best. I want a girl with shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes. I want a girl with the right allocations who's fast and thorough and sharp as a tack.
> 
> She's playing with her jewellery. She's putting up her hair. She's touring the facilities and picking up slack.
> 
> I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.
> 
> I want a girl who gets up early. I want a girl who stays up late. I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity, who uses a machete to cut through red tape.
> 
> With fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass, she is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack. She's touring the facilities, and picking up slack.
> 
> I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket.
> 
> I want a girl with a smooth liquidation. I want a girl with the right dividends. At the city bank, we will meet accidentally. We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen.
> 
> She wants a car with a cup-holder arm rest. She wants a car that will get her there. She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen. She's trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron.
> 
> I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.





vi_bride04 said:


> Epic song


Cake songs are great for karaoke night, too. Just sayin'. Damn, I need a karaoke night. Stat.


----------



## Soveryalone

Anyone doing anything fun this weekend ?


----------



## worley

Disenchanted said:


> Don't believe you.


I can vouch for her 

and the yoga pants too RAWR


----------



## vi_bride04

Soveryalone said:


> Anyone doing anything fun this weekend ?


Trying to organize a limo trip down to Detroit, to my friends and I favorite bar :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Soveryalone said:


> Anyone doing anything fun this weekend ?


A scintillating evening of reading tonight in preparation for book club at some as-yet-unscheduled time on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. Raking my front and back yards and general outside clean-up before the next snowfall. Sleep. 

Yeah, I know. It's hard to keep up with my go-go-go lifestyle.


----------



## Soveryalone

sounds exciting !! I have huge plans myself, sitting here , maybe taking care of my roomies puppy , and uhh , leading an oh so glamorous life ?


----------



## COGypsy

Soveryalone said:


> Anyone doing anything fun this weekend ?


First round of holiday parties tonight with my gay boyfriend. Date night with my real boyfriend on Saturday. Probably watching football out somewhere and then home for dinner and Torchwood. Then brunch on Sunday, yoga, laundry and cooking for the week.

So a pretty quiet weekend before the parentals come up next weekend....


----------



## angelpixie

That's a quiet weekend?!


----------



## COGypsy

angelpixie said:


> That's a quiet weekend?!


I'm not very good at the homebody thing. 

Most weekends don't have holiday parties though. Usually it's just happy hour or a movie with friends on a Friday. But it's a work party for my friend, so it will end pretty early.


----------



## Dollystanford

What I'm doing this weekend is the opposite of fun so I'll have to live vicariously through you lot


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> What I'm doing this weekend is the opposite of fun so I'll have to live vicariously through you lot



I know, sweetie.  ((((((Angel-hugs))))))


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm free this weekend and I've been asked to happy hour but I need to go home (30 minutes) and let the dog out and by then I don't want to drive BACK another 30 minutes to have happy hour. Likely it will be Maker's Mark, laundry and a movie with the dog.

Tomorrow yard work (I hate raking so I think I'm going to mow/mulch) and kiddo's gymnastics meet.

Sunday Renaissance Festival with non-kisser guy friend. He got free tickets. Why not.


----------



## COGypsy

Dollystanford said:


> What I'm doing this weekend is the opposite of fun so I'll have to live vicariously through you lot


I'll wear some extra sequins just for you tonight, toots!

Hope all is okay--


----------



## whitehawk

COGypsy said:


> I'm not very good at the homebody thing.
> 
> Most weekends don't have holiday parties though. Usually it's just happy hour or a movie with friends on a Friday. But it's a work party for my friend, so it will end pretty early.



l thought that was gonna be - so it will end pretty ugly :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> I'm not one for online dating sites -- I tried a few and they didn't suit me -- but I have at times considered signing back up, just to use those lyrics as my profile.



Hu, l thought you were right into the dating sites PB . Sometimes it's like no one is not on date sites anymore.


----------



## whitehawk

Check this out right.

l was really downhearted with this date site stuff so although l was only dabbling about anyway , l signed of a mth back and haven't been back.
But l did find two girls a few wks before that and emailed them - nothin , made me feel even worse about them . They were special and when l first found them especially one in particular , it just really lifted the spirits a bit.

Blow me over with a feather , both of them wrote back this wk and that particular one wrote this very nice very long email , talking about all sorts of stuff which l really liked that so l was cited :smthumbup:

The emails come through on my phone but that's not sending at the mo so l can read emails but l have to login to site to reply.
The fkg sites locked me out , believe that.
And because l used the phone email l can't reply to them if l write them to fix it.
l lost my password so clicked for a newy, it came to the ph email , l tried it , didn't work . Sent for another, that didn't work either .
So then l started trying different combos and now they think someones trying to hack my acc. :scratchhead:
So they send me an email warning me and promise me don't worry , we will block your account from them until we hear back from you directly replied through this email.
They ph email can't reply , l can't get in to change to my other email , can't reply to that chick , the site won't talk to me because l can't reply through their email.

Hey , maybe this is all an omen - she is not the one for you - divine intervention :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Hu, l thought you were right into the dating sites PB . Sometimes it's like no one is not on date sites anymore.


I'm not. 

Perhaps one day I will change my mind.



angelpixie said:


> A scintillating evening of reading tonight in preparation for book club at some as-yet-unscheduled time on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. Raking my front and back yards and general outside clean-up before the next snowfall. Sleep.
> 
> Yeah, I know. It's hard to keep up with my go-go-go lifestyle.


That sounds like an awfully sexy weekend! :smthumbup:

What book are you reading? I have always wanted to join a book club. Maybe when I have some more time in my schedule. Seems like it'd be cool.



angelpixie said:


> That's a quiet weekend?!





COGypsy said:


> *I'm not very good at the homebody thing.*


You guys are funny :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry, JB, def not a sexy weekend.  My book club is all teacher and librarian-types, and we only read YA (Young Adult) fiction, which is actually much better than what I remember, lol. This month we read 'Code Name Verity.' We never did have the meeting, as one woman was moving. Which is good, cuz I never finished the book, lol. 

But I did rake my yard, and my elderly neighbor's, did laundry and dishes, did my grocery shopping, made a big dinner that will last two nights, and today I'm a slug. When DS gets home from school, we'll finish watching Iron Man 3 before I have to take the DVD back to Redbox. 

Yep, life just doesn't get any faster-paced than that in these parts. 

What do you think? Should i post all that in an online dating profile? :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Went to Detroit, didn't get the limo but still had fun. The martini bar we usually go to totally changed - completely different atmosphere, alot younger crowd...so felt out of place for a bit but still had fun. 

It seemed checking out guys that I had to ask my gf more than once "Is that guy gay?" What is up with fashion now adays for the younger crowd? LOL

When I start dating I am definitely going for 35+


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not.
> 
> Perhaps one day I will change my mind.
> 
> 
> 
> That sounds like an awfully sexy weekend! :smthumbup:
> 
> What book are you reading? I have always wanted to join a book club. Maybe when I have some more time in my schedule. Seems like it'd be cool.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You guys are funny :rofl:




Yep l know your not JB , at least we are two :smthumbup:
Although l'm only a half two because l have dabbled


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Went to Detroit, didn't get the limo but still had fun. The martini bar we usually go to totally changed - completely different atmosphere, alot younger crowd...so felt out of place for a bit but still had fun.
> 
> It seemed checking out guys that I had to ask my gf more than once "Is that guy gay?" What is up with fashion now adays for the younger crowd? LOL
> 
> When I start dating I am definitely going for 35+


Sounds like the metrosexual crowd. They look an awful lot like they might be gay, but they don't behave and use the same lingo. Next time watch them for a few minutes and see how handsy they get with other males, because that will usually tell you. 

You should consider yourself lucky you weren't at a bar in a college town with a hard to decipher system for telling the underage from the over 21 crowd. Some use an ultraviolet marker and black lamps to read an "X" or other symbol on your hand. I've made that mistake before.

I'm not even 26 yet and I'm with you on the 35+ crowd. Even if I wasn't interested in dating and were to just pick out a crowd in a bar to talk to, I'd go with them. Young people really don't have a lot to talk about besides how cool they think they are, and so conversations with them get's really annoying really fast, or else they ignore you to get their instant gratification from Facebook. At least a divorced mother in her 30s understands the give and take of conversations and doesn't do that annoying baby talk voice. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate when girls do that.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Young people really don't have a lot to talk about besides how cool they think they are, and so conversations with them get's really annoying really fast, or else they ignore you to get their instant gratification from Facebook. At least a divorced mother in her 30s understands the give and take of conversations and doesn't do that annoying baby talk voice. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate when girls do that.


You haven't met my X, have you?

:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

whitehawk said:


> Hu, l thought you were right into the dating sites PB . Sometimes it's like no one is not on date sites anymore.


No, I poked around a few months ago, when I was still just separated. I was mostly ignored. Had a few responses that never really got past chatting online... and for good reason. Surprisingly, I had a few women contact me with requests to join in "open relationships" as a third or fourth stringer (one of them was married to gay man). Had one woman send me "boudoir" photos that were taken in such a way as to hide her belly.

Actually managed to meet one woman for a dinner date, to which she showed up in the sort of dress that my 100-year old grandma might wear at home to do house cleaning. It didn't get much better from there.

All in all, it was just more work than it was worth. It felt like eBay for relationships.

I think I just prefer meeting people in person. It boils down to the fact that, for me at least, so much of a person's personality can be lost when it comes to communicating through the internet... I miss out on so much expression, inflection, gestures, carriage, and other subtle non-verbal cues that I often have a difficult time getting a good read on someone through the internet.

Imagine trying to order fresh fruit and vegetables online, without being able to see, touch or smell what you're buying. That's what it feels like to me.


----------



## angelpixie

Dedicated to the Singles of TAM, and our glamourous, rock n roll lifestyles:

Sheila E -- The Glamorous Life (Music Video) - YouTube

Cake -- Rock 'n' roll life style - YouTube

Awww, yeah, alllll right.


----------



## muskrat

Hello everyone. So a quick update, after a few adventures in the dating world I think I have found a Hat I want to wear for awhile. After lots of talking, texting and skyping, We spent the weekend together. I have never had chemistry like I do with this woman. Having said that, I do see a few red flags, so I will proceed with caution.
I will still be here and I am sure I will be adding details.


----------



## angelpixie

Woo-hoo, MR!! Good luck. We'll be waiting anxiously for updates. :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Thanks AP. 
She is the first person I met online that was even better in person. Our personalities are so much alike it is scary. It doesn't hurt that she is a great kisser also. 

How are things going with your hat?


----------



## angelpixie

Things were going super great, then fell apart rather suddenly and surprisingly. Not sure if it's totally over, though. In a holding pattern right now. Don't really want to go into details, as he knows about TAM. So, who knows?  :scratchhead:


----------



## muskrat

Sorry to hear that, hope things work out for you.

This will make you smile. She is actually a few years older than me. Thought you would like that. 

I added a pic in my album. It will only be there for a limited time though.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Sounds like the metrosexual crowd. They look an awful lot like they might be gay, but they don't behave and use the same lingo. Next time watch them for a few minutes and see how handsy they get with other males, because that will usually tell you.
> 
> So hand holding, lots of shoulder rubbing, walking extremely close together....only metro??? LMAO. My ex was metro, I know the fashion style. I really do think alot of the guys out on Sat were gay/bi.
> 
> You should consider yourself lucky you weren't at a bar in a college town with a hard to decipher system for telling the underage from the over 21 crowd. Some use an ultraviolet marker and black lamps to read an "X" or other symbol on your hand. I've made that mistake before.
> 
> I stay away from all 18+ clubs/bars...I feel too old at alot of the 21+ bars I go to as it is!
> 
> I'm not even 26 yet and I'm with you on the 35+ crowd. Even if I wasn't interested in dating and were to just pick out a crowd in a bar to talk to, I'd go with them. Young people really don't have a lot to talk about besides how cool they think they are, and so conversations with them get's really annoying really fast, or else they ignore you to get their instant gratification from Facebook. At least a divorced mother in her 30s understands the give and take of conversations and doesn't do that annoying baby talk voice. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate when girls do that.
> 
> Yes, I need someone who I can have an interesting conversation with as well. And I just feel so far removed from younger generations. I am not that old but with technology and all the "hot trends" out there, I don't keep up with any of it and have nothing in common usually with anyone under 30. And do girls REALLY do that????? You can't be serious....?? They expect to attract men like that? Or are they only looking for boys?


----------



## angelpixie

Aww, she looks really sweet, MR. Love her dimples!!


----------



## unsure78

Shes is cute rat  ...... you look so different without your chaps on....lol


----------



## unsure78

nothing really new here... 2nd date with killer hat got postponed till this sat, should be nothing else if not fun... got a date with shrink hat now on friday... and have started emailing with a firefighter hat ( taking a page from jpr on that one)... so my dating card is full for now... let see if any make it forward


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Shes is cute rat  ...... you look so different without your chaps on....lol


I cant see! I wanna see!


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I cant see! I wanna see!


a friend request would gain you access.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hey rat - don't think I've seen pics of you before, just wanted to say you are a good looking man


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Hey rat - don't think I've seen pics of you before, just wanted to say you are a good looking man


Thanks Vi. It is probably a good thing you haven't seen some of the pics I had up in the past. I will never live the chaps thing down.:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, MR is a cutie-patootie!!


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Thanks Vi. It is probably a good thing you haven't seen some of the pics I had up in the past. *I will never live the chaps thing down.*:rofl:


It is the stuff of TAM legend.


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> It is the stuff of TAM legend.


Unfortunately you, Dolly, Jpr and Unsure will never let me forget it either.


----------



## angelpixie

We are the Keepers Of The Legend. :rofl:


----------



## jpr

Your hat is SUPER cute, MR!!!

...she looks good on you.



...but I need more details. Red Flags??  Elaborate, please. inquiring minds want to know.


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> Your hat is SUPER cute, MR!!!
> 
> ...she looks good on you.


Whoa - I didn't see any of THOSE pics!!! :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Whoa - I didn't see any of THOSE pics!!! :rofl:


Do you want to? :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Your hat is SUPER cute, MR!!!
> 
> ...she looks good on you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...but I need more details. Red Flags??  Elaborate, please. inquiring minds want to know.


We met in a chat room. She seemed hesitant and so I went out with another women there. She found out then moved in. She was the one that interested me the most to begin with, but it was a little weird how it all played out. I asked her about it and her explanation was that she had been let down by so many men online, that she was reluctant to let me in. She was worried I was an internet romeo. :rofl: (that is funny, I know) Anyhow when I went out with the other woman it showed her I was serious about meeting someone. 
This seemed logical enough to me, but I am still a little wary. I will say we have come a long way in the last 2 weeks and she seems fully invested in seeing where we go. Other than that there is no big issue other than it seems almost to good to be true. Our morals, values and personalities match up way to well.


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> We are the Keepers Of The Legend. :rofl:


I still have those pics, don't tempt me to break them out again. I could give you ladies nightmares. :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I still have those pics, don't tempt me to break them out again. I could give you ladies nightmares. :rofl:


oh can i have one of them please please... ill add it to my man photo collection... hmm maybe ill even offer a trade for you rat...hahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> oh can i have one of them please please... ill add it to my man photo collection... hmm maybe ill even offer a trade for you rat...hahahaha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just because you are hot doesn't give you the right to be a smart ass. 
I have seen the guys you date. I am no ripped, buff stud. My pic would be reserved for when you need a good laugh. :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

rat im not all about the looks my dear... blues wasnt buff hes small... and engy was buff whe younger but not when i had him... the big buff guys are a newer thing... shrink hat isnt buff... im just exploring my options
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Just because you are hot doesn't give you the right to be a smart ass.
> I have seen the guys you date. I am no ripped, buff stud. My pic would be reserved for when you need a good laugh. :rofl:


Wait and if i remember right who was dating 3 hot young women at the beginning of last year at the same time....hahahahahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Wait and if i remember right who was dating 3 hot young women at the beginning of last year at the same time....hahahahahah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am an equal opportunity dater.  In the last year I have dated woman younger and older then myself. There have been blonds, brunettes and a redhead. Some have had the body of a model and some have been the girl next door. The one thing they have had in common was most were very unstable. That is why none have lasted. I have had my fill of crazy! I also managed to acquire 2 stalkers in the last year. To sum it up dating has been interesting, but not much fun. 

Basically I am looking for an Unsure that fits me. Those woman are hard to find.


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> No, I poked around a few months ago, when I was still just separated. I was mostly ignored. Had a few responses that never really got past chatting online... and for good reason. Surprisingly, I had a few women contact me with requests to join in "open relationships" as a third or fourth stringer (one of them was married to gay man). Had one woman send me "boudoir" photos that were taken in such a way as to hide her belly.
> 
> Actually managed to meet one woman for a dinner date, to which she showed up in the sort of dress that my 100-year old grandma might wear at home to do house cleaning. It didn't get much better from there.
> 
> All in all, it was just more work than it was worth. It felt like eBay for relationships.
> 
> I think I just prefer meeting people in person. It boils down to the fact that, for me at least, so much of a person's personality can be lost when it comes to communicating through the internet... I miss out on so much expression, inflection, gestures, carriage, and other subtle non-verbal cues that I often have a difficult time getting a good read on someone through the internet.
> 
> Imagine trying to order fresh fruit and vegetables online, without being able to see, touch or smell what you're buying. That's what it feels like to me.



Ahh right , exactly.
Matter a fact l have to sell on Ebay now with my work but it was just the papers and ads , good old ph call, out they come and buy only a few yrs ago.
And l can tell ya , the 50x extra hassle and fuss and for far less money , is mind blowing.
Having that same thing from the dating sights to l'm afraid 
l've decided even lf l can get out and do something even once a wk instead , l be much much happier and hey , l'm getting a life again , feels great :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I am an equal opportunity dater.  In the last year I have dated woman younger and older then myself. There have been blonds, brunettes and a redhead. Some have had the body of a model and some have been the girl next door. The one thing they have had in common was most were very unstable. That is why none have lasted. I have had my fill of crazy! I also managed to acquire 2 stalkers in the last year. To sum it up dating has been interesting, but not much fun.
> 
> Basically I am looking for an Unsure that fits me. Those woman are hard to find.


You know that i think you are fantastic rat...  your new one looks like a cutie
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Thank you Unsure.
You know I think you are an incredible woman. You are so smart and you are beautiful. Any man would be lucky to be with you.


----------



## jpr

Good for you, MR.

...I glad you are finding a connection with someone.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Good for you, MR.
> 
> ...I glad you are finding a connection with someone.


I think you are an absolute doll, JPR. I would love to buy you a beer. 

Dang, I am all mushy tonight. Why must you TAM ladies all be so magnificent?


----------



## vi_bride04

Cuz thats how we roll....


----------



## Jellybeans

What she said 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I am an equal opportunity dater.  In the last year I have dated woman younger and older then myself. There have been blonds, brunettes and a redhead. Some have had the body of a model and some have been the girl next door. The one thing they have had in common was most were very unstable. That is why none have lasted. I have had my fill of crazy! I also managed to acquire 2 stalkers in the last year. To sum it up dating has been interesting, but not much fun.
> 
> Basically I am looking for an Unsure that fits me. Those woman are hard to find.



Ahh rat , could l go a few pages on the subject - and hell l've hardly left the house.
1 unstable and what a shame to , such a rare gem she was too, if only :scratchhead:
And then how disheartening have my little dabbles into online stuff been, won't go there 
But although l've never really dated as such , just met people really in the past , l do still remember loud and clear those feelings your talking about and then , l've been reminded again already 18yrs later.
And it's so hard on you , especially in this condition and that's why l'm just not in any hurry one iota .
l dunno , l'd just rather sort myself out, get back into hobbies and stuff , just live until someone special pops up.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> The one thing they have had in common was most were very unstable. That is why none have lasted. I have had my fill of crazy!


What was unstable about them? Explain.


----------



## muskrat

I n the year 2013 I dated a total of 10 women. (ironic, since that is your target number for your study). None have made it further than 2 actual dates. I received 5 marriage proposals. 1 told me I was her reason to live and when I ran she threatened suicide. 2 turned into stalkers. 3 agreed that we weren't right for each other, but wanted to be fwb (ok that may not be so bad). 1 wanted to move in (no, she does not know where I live). 1 was still in love with her ex who was in jail for molesting her daughter.
I could go on, but you get the picture. Good luck JB, the men out there aren't much better. I tried to volunteer to be one of your 10 dates, but you blew me off.:rofl: That tells me you are at least somewhat stable. :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

ok 3X i put the killer hat photos back up, so you could check him out... enjoy

or you know if you want to go look at him again too Rat


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> ok 3X i put the killer hat photos back up, so you could check him out... enjoy
> 
> or you know if you want to go look at him again too Rat


DAYUM! Killer hat is RIGHT! Woof!  (WOOF to YOU TOO!)


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> ok 3X i put the killer hat photos back up, so you could check him out... enjoy


Well now that looks like a pretty intense hat! Damn girl......wear that hat for a bit while you can


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> I n the year 2013 I dated a total of 10 women. (ironic, since that is your target number for your study). None have made it further than 2 actual dates. I received 5 marriage proposals. 1 told me I was her reason to live and when I ran she threatened suicide. 2 turned into stalkers. 3 agreed that we weren't right for each other, but wanted to be fwb (ok that may not be so bad). 1 wanted to move in (no, she does not know where I live). 1 was still in love with her ex who was in jail for molesting her daughter.
> I could go on, but you get the picture. Good luck JB, *the men out there aren't much better.* I tried to volunteer to be one of your 10 dates, but you blew me off.:rofl: That tells me you are at least somewhat stable. :smthumbup:


Whoa. Marriage proposals? Wanting to move in together? After a couple of dates? Where do all these crazy women come from? I have never pushed commitment like that on a guy ever. Don't they know talk like that is repellent?? 

And you saying the men aren't much better....you really are scaring me from ever trying to date....lol


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Well now that looks like a pretty intense hat! Damn girl......wear that hat for a bit while you can


Working on it... he may not be a forever hat but he will be a fun one...


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> In the year 2013 I dated a total of 10 women. (ironic, since that is your target number for your study). None have made it further than 2 actual dates. I received 5 marriage proposals. 1 told me I was her reason to live and when I ran she threatened suicide. 2 turned into stalkers. 3 agreed that we weren't right for each other, but wanted to be fwb (ok that may not be so bad). 1 wanted to move in (no, she does not know where I live). 1 was still in love with her ex who was in jail for molesting her daughter.


Hilarious! (And scary, especially the last one). WOW. So have you been on a third date with anyone at all since all those crazy loonies? And wow, on a second date she was telling you that you were her reason to live? InSANE in the membrane!



muskrat said:


> I could go on, but you get the picture. Good luck JB, the men out there aren't much better*. I tried to volunteer to be one of your 10 dates, but you blew me off.*:rofl: That tells me you are at least somewhat stable. :smthumbup:



Aw, you remembered about the 10 dates. Hahaha. Well if you were closer, I'd add you to my list of dating experiments! 

My repertoire thus far: 

1. Not quite divorced yet but clear ex and I were not getting back together (divorce took a long while): Guy totally about me and wanted a relationship while I made it clear we were not "dating." I enjoyed the company and he was nice. I kept expressing this to him repeatedly. He was very sweet and honestly told me he had a cocaine addiction, was going to NA for it. Ooookay. On one outing to dinner, he disappeared to the bathroom for awhile. yeah, no dice. I don't have room for drug addictions in my life. No, thanks. Oh and one time we were out, some guy said Hello to me and smiled and he told me he "wanted to lay that guy out for doing that." Um. Ok.

2. Another non-dater story. Guy friend has been in love with me for years now and very clearly wants something w/ me but spark isn't there for me. He is a friend though and I'd feel awful for treating him bad. We will be in the same town in a few weeks and I told him I'd go with him to this Xmas shindig and he has not stopped texting or tweeting me non-stop. It's overwhelming and I just can't with it. I have told him numerous times I do not want to date "anyone" hoping he will get the hint. He will not stop reaching out to me and now I'm wondering if it was a bad idea to say I'd go w/ him to this event yet I've already got a plane ticket and will be in the same city. I can't knock him for liking me (hello, I am the Jellybeans haha) and he is a friend which is why I don't think people should be harsh but no clue what to do. It's not for a month and he's already told me "I know it's not for a month still but do you want to grab dinner in advance because I am a planner." :/ Advice, guys?

3. Divorced by now: Guy who was best friends with his ex. Who was his first love/broke up cause she wanted to get married and he didn't. Chick is now married to someone else. He wouldn't STFU about her non-stop and it was fcking weiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird. He ended it with me first though which pissed me off evenmore considering I'd rehearsed how I was gonna end it with him. WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD situation.She would call/text him all the time while we were out. The further away I get form that situation, the more it makes my skin crawl. Turns out her husband even thought the baby he (the husband) had with her was the ex boyfriend's! WTF? 

4. Social media guy. We were friends for over a yr on social media, decided to meet up one day. Very nice outing, dinner and drinks. Got on well, kisses a little bit and whatnot and then kept in touch. A month later we went out again. It was clear he wanted sex and I didn't want to go there. I think he got pissed off. Invited him to a charity event downtown, he said he was busy w/ school/work, didn't hear from him again. Then two or more weeks later he messages me saying he is sorry he's been out of touch and wants my email to explain why. I give it to him and ... no response for another week or two when he calls, leaving me a muffled message. I never returned his call. 

SO that is where I am at.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, you remembered about the 10 dates. Hahaha. Well if you were closer, I'd add you to my list of dating experiments!
> 
> *How do you know where I live? I never narrowed it down other than the east coast. Or maybe I did? doesn't matter.:rofl:*
> My repertoire thus far:
> 
> Not quite divorced yet but clear ex and I were not getting back together (divorce took a long while):
> 
> 1. Guy totally about me and wanted a relationship while I made it clear we were not "dating." I enjoyed the company and he was nice. I kept expressing this to him repeatedly. He was very sweet and honestly told me he had a cocaine addiction, was going to NA for it. Ooookay. On one outing to dinner, he disappeared to the bathroom for awhile. yeah, no dice. I don't have room for drug addictions in my life. No, thanks. Oh and one time we were out, some guy said Hello to me and smiled and he told me he "wanted to lay that guy out for doing that." Um. Ok.
> 
> *Drug addict with jealousy issues, what's not to love?*
> 
> 2. Another non-dater story. Guy friend has been in love with me for years now and very clearly wants something w/ me but spark isn't there for me. He is a friend though and I'd feel awful for treating him bad. We will be in the same town in a few weeks and I told him I'd go with him to this Xmas shindig and he has not stopped texting or tweeting me non-stop. It's overwhelming and I just can't with it. I have told him numerous times I do not want to date "anyone" hoping he will get the hint. He will not stop reaching out to me and now I'm wondering if it was a bad idea to say I'd go w/ him to this event yet I've already got a plane ticket and will be in the same city. I can't knock him for liking me (hello, I am the Jellybeans haha) and he is a friend which is why I don't think people should be harsh but no clue what to do. It's not for a month and he's already told me "I know it's not for a month still but do you want to grab dinner in advance because I am a planner." :/ Advice, guys?
> 
> *Sad to say, this friendship is over. He wants more then you can give. That will not change. Best bet is to just back out all together.*
> 
> 3. Guy who was best friends with his ex. Who was his first love/broke up cause she wanted to get married and he didn't. Chick is now married to someone else. He wouldn't STFU about her non-stop and it was fcking weiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird. He ended it with me first though which pissed me off evenmore considering I'd rehearsed how I was gonna end it with him. WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD situation.She would call/text him all the time while we were out. The further away I get form that situation, the more it makes my skin crawl. Turns out her husband eventhough the baby he (the husband) had with her was the ex boyfriend's! WTF?
> *Most people in the divorced crowd have an unhealthy attachment to their ex. This guy took it to a whole new level.*
> 
> 4. Social media guy. We were friends for over a yr on social media, decided to meet up one day. Very nice outing, dinnerand drinks. Got on well, kisses a little bit and whatnot and then kept in touch. A month later we went out again. IT was clear he wanted sex and I didn't want to go there. I think he got pissed off. Invited him to a charity event downtown, he said he was busy w/ school/work, didn't hear from him again. Then two or more weeks later he messages me saying he is sorry he's been out of touch and wants my email to explain why. I give it to him and ... no response for another week or two when he calls, leaving me a muffled message. I never returned his call.
> *This guy just wanted a playmate. You weren't easy enough, so he moved on. But he is trying to keep you around just in case.*
> SO that is where I am at.


*As I said the available men are just as bad as the available women. It really is a nightmare out there.:rofl:*


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL. Nice summations, Muskrat! Haha men can always break this stuff down, quite well, in just a few words (one sentence). 



I especially liked this one: 

*Drug addict with jealousy issues, what's not to love?*

As for friend in love with me, plane ticket has already been bought. We WILL be there so that is happening. (being there together). I think maybe I should tell him before though that "You know we are going to this party but as friends, right?" How should I say it? 

I mean, I have never flirted with him nor given him any reason to think otherwise. The last time I saw him, he hugged me goodbye and kissed me on the head! (the top of my freakin head of hair!) and I was like, Um, please do not do that, too close. Too close!

The problem is he is still my FRIEND so I dont want to be rude/mean to him. You can't help who you like, and I know that. And he just happens to like me, even if I dont like him. Eeeh.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hmmm... looking back - these are in no particular order.

1) IT guy, philanthropist who was into word games - mentally stimulating but exhausting. He asked what I was looking for and I'm telling him the type of characteristics I'm looking for in a guy but what he meant what type of relationship. He was purposefully vague. It was as if he was doing some verbal/mental Rorschach test on me. His wife had an affair and was leaving him - two kids, she has MS and it was her PT. Go figure. Two dates. Dinner then movie/coffee.

2) Outdoorsy tall strapping guy. Never married, handsome. Had just gotten out of a 7-year engagement. Found out on the date that, although he did have his own home, it was on his mother's land. Wholesome pleasant fellow. Met for a drink, got into his truck to ride to a Mexican restaurant a couple exits down the freeway only to find that is the typical hangout for his work buddies. It was like he wanted to prove to them he actually had a date. Nice enough tho we spent way too much time with his younger coworkers and not getting to know each other. Drove back to my car where he kissed me like he had TMJ and tried to slide his hand up my skirt. Only date.

3) Recently divorced guy. Met at a restaurant in art district for a drink and appetizers. Very cool - photos on match profile about 5 years old but eh no biggie. Enjoyed conversation. Walked to his office where he showed my what he did (home interiors manufacturers rep - office full of home decor, fabric samples, etc, pretty cool). Hug goodbye. Second date met at his house to go on winery tour w/ picnic. I brought fruit tarts for desert he was in charge of lunch. After four wineries I mentioned lunch, he peered into the backseat and said he forgot (remembered the blanket) and was I hungry. I said let's just head back. Got to his house and he invited me in. I used the bathroom and he wanted some of the fruit tarts (whatever) so I left half of those. Pulled me down on the sofa and asked me to stay a bit. Kissed me, I said I really had to go and left.

The NERVE. Forgot lunch, accepted my offer of pastry then wanted to get busy?!?!? No more dates. He's known as "The Foodless Picnic Guy" amongst my friends.

4) Artsy Earthy Guy with floppy curls - don't recall his profession tho I learned he was Jewish and 1 inch shorter than his profile (1 inch shorter than me). Met at a brewery for first meeting. Enjoyed his company a lot. Made plans for dinner next day. Got to restaurant, seated, find out he's a vegetarian and there was NOTHING on the menu, not even a salad, without meat. Asked if we could go somewhere else. Went to other restaurant where I did not eat meat to be considerate. Went back to my house for coffee/conversation (he knew my roommate was there) made coffee, directed him to the fridge for creamer and I swear he immediately went pale and had to leave. I look in the fridge - shelf below creamer was package of stew meat. Oh well.

5) Met guy on match - had SO MUCH in common. Seemed perfect. Talked on phone. Great conversation. Agreed on date to amusement park but it was quite a drive. His ex was a druggie and he had 2 kids full time so brought them along (weird but OK). Was having a good time, his daughter insisted on sitting next to me on Ferris wheel. Kids want drinks and he asks if I've ever had a funnel cake (fried dough for yanks). No. He looks at me weird and says I must not be very adventurous in the bedroom. I clarify it's because I haven't tried a funnel cake. Yep. So I whisper to him "Really? I swallow" and walk off. His immediate erection seems to hinder his walking for a moment. He drives me home and is pissed I don't invite them (kids, too????) to stay because of his long drive ahead of him. We never contact each other again.

6) Went to a wine bar with a very nice southern gentleman. We were hitting it off until we got to the topic of religion and upbringing. He thought it was appalling that I had talked to my very young daughter about sex. I said she asked and I would answer any question in an age-appropriate manner. He said his daughter (a little younger than mine) didn't need to know until she was 16. Then he gave me the cold shoulder and we called it a night about 15 minutes later. The whole tone of the evening changed.

7) Met a guy out at a bar. We danced, and chatted. Walked me to my car and we arranged to go to a science museum the next day. I agreed to let him pick me up (this was when I took my gun). Then he said he'd stayed at his rental int eh city but needed to run to his house to change - drove 45 minutes to his house. I stayed in the car while he quickly changed (he had already showered at the rental but had no spare clothes) and we had a nice day out. He was the one I dated for 9 months but never finalized his divorce. Fast forward 6 years later he had finalized his divorce 3 years prior and wanted to see me so had a couple dates, then one weekend he kept asking the same questions over via text so I joked he wasn't a very good listener and I never heard from him again.

8) Musician in a band and instrument teacher met online. Based on being able to confirm everything about him, I went to his house for him to cook first date. What a bachelor pad. Played arcade games in his living room, looked at his scrapbook with pictures of him with members of hair bands. (He had been on tour.) Had the biggest butt I've ever seen on an average built white boy. Couldn't stop looking at it - mesmerizing in an odd way. Kept wondering if he used to be a she and had a sex change. Played card games, drank too much wine, made out, emailed a little after but never met back up. (He WAS a guy, tho.)

9) Another match guy - into skiing, manager of a jewelry store. Divorced w/ kids in upper teens. Went out to drinks at a nice restaurant. Said he had some grey goose in the freezer so went to his house. Few more drinks, music. I was weak, it was great. Went out a few more times but I was always a bit embarrassed I'd slept with him on the first date. Heard from him a couple years ago and met back up at a restaurant to catch up. Somehow it was different and I wasn't attracted to him like I was before.

10) Match guy - can't remember what he did - some kind of engineer I think... went to dinner at a German restaurant and stood out in the parking lot for a long time chatting. He started asking me rather explicit sex questions (as I have speculated elsewhere I wonder if his first wife was LD so he was doing his homework) and I guess I satisfied his curiosity - hug goodbye. We had plans for a second date but during a conversation where I was in favor of some law, he sent me a text cancelling our date because he couldn't "date someone who was in favor of limiting our freedoms". A few days later I get a 6x9 envelope in the mail with a copy of the Bill of Rights AND the declaration of Independence. :rofl:

Those are some of the more memorable ones.


----------



## Jellybeans

_The NERVE. Forgot lunch, accepted my offer of pastry then wanted to get busy?!?!? No more dates. He's known as "The Foodless Picnic Guy" amongst my friends.

Had the biggest butt I've ever seen on an average built white boy. Couldn't stop looking at it - mesmerizing in an odd way.

We had plans for a second date but during a conversation where I was in favor of some law, he sent me a text cancelling our date because he couldn't "date someone who was in favor of limiting our freedoms". A few days later I get a 6x9 envelope in the mail with a copy of the Bill of Rights AND the declaration of Independence. 

Kids want drinks and he asks if I've ever had a funnel cake (fried dough for yanks). No. He looks at me weird and says I must not be very adventurous in the bedroom. I clarify it's because I haven't tried a funnel cake. Yep.* So I whisper to him "Really? I swallow"*_

OMG. Comic gold! These are awesome, Enjoli! We, the singles of TAM, should all get together to write book and profit off of all of this foolery! LOL :rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> _The NERVE. Forgot lunch, accepted my offer of pastry then wanted to get busy?!?!? No more dates. He's known as "The Foodless Picnic Guy" amongst my friends.
> 
> Had the biggest butt I've ever seen on an average built white boy. Couldn't stop looking at it - mesmerizing in an odd way.
> 
> We had plans for a second date but during a conversation where I was in favor of some law, he sent me a text cancelling our date because he couldn't "date someone who was in favor of limiting our freedoms". A few days later I get a 6x9 envelope in the mail with a copy of the Bill of Rights AND the declaration of Independence.
> 
> Kids want drinks and he asks if I've ever had a funnel cake (fried dough for yanks). No. He looks at me weird and says I must not be very adventurous in the bedroom. I clarify it's because I haven't tried a funnel cake. Yep.* So I whisper to him "Really? I swallow"*_
> 
> OMG. Comic gold! These are awesome, Enjoli! We, the singles of TAM, should all get together to write book and profit off of all of this foolery! LOL :rofl:


My friends have enjoyed my foray into dating.  

One short chapter per guy - we could do it!


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg yesssssssssssssss!


----------



## Ikaika

So I am not a single on TAM, but Enjoli, you have the making for a book. I think between you and JellyB, you guys should publish this stuff. It's a great read. Why not make something off of your journeys.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> So I am not a single on TAM, but Enjoli, you have the making for a book. I think between you and JellyB, you guys should publish this stuff. It's a great read. Why not make something off of your journeys.


Don't forget about Muskrat! LOL. He has some CRAZY ladies he's dated.

Enjoli, we just need an outlet!

One chapter a dude/woman = amazingness.


----------



## muskrat

When I did my little write up (which was not near as well done as the ladies). I mentioned that the men are just as bad if not worse than the women out there. Dating really is an adventure. 
Thanks for writing these ladies, you make me feel good about myself. I must be 1 heck of a catch. (even if I'm not buff )

Even though I am no longer single, I have a feeling I will back on the dating scene soon. Then the games will begin all over again.


----------



## Ikaika

Thank goodness, I grew up by the time my wife came along. Enjoli say the video of the life I lived. So yea, it was a little too carefree and could easily end up in someone else pages.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Muskrat, I only dated one guy who was "buff" and he wasn't a catch.  So I am sure you are a catch regardless.


----------



## muskrat

EnjoliWoman said:


> Muskrat, I only dated one guy who was "buff" and he wasn't a catch.  So I am sure you are a catch regardless.


I was basically referring to my personality. I actually have manners.:rofl: The men described by you and JB are real idiots in there own special ways. 

Most people here have seen my pics. So they know what I look like. I will say, every women I have met online says I am better looking in person than in my pics. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I was basically referring to my personality. I actually have manners.:rofl: The men described by you and JB are *real idiots in there own special ways*.


Tell us about it! Lol


----------



## whitehawk

Yep l think she's a scary mess out there which ever side your in .
lt's funny after separating , as time went on l thought well , at least one thing will be nice. The girls in this new age rage for me now , 40s somewhere will really know themselves in life you know . They'll be comfortably chilled , they'll know the drill by now and that's gonna be nice.
Ahh wrong, more effd up than ever 
Sounds like the guys are just as bad but still , l don't wanna hook up with a guy so l couldn't care less what state that side of the fence is in. Although hang on , there could be a silver lining in it for me come to think of it , more girls for me :smthumbup:

But guess what l bumped into today , a hairdresser , a REALLY nice hairdresser.
A really really cute hair dresser .
And a very very sexy hairdresser .
l don't know if we will ever R or not but in the meantime , l'm putting all the fertilizer on my hair l can find , to make it grow like all fk , so that l can get back there pronto.
Wish me luck , my hair does actually grow really quick anyway, l need quicker though, more hair more hair, now ! 
Think l'm gonna be pretty well groomed for the next few mths :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Aww funny and cute. I hope your hair grows w/ the fertilizer so you can see her. But hell, why not just ASK HER OUT????


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> The girls in this new age rage for me now , 40s somewhere will really know themselves in life you know .


Expand, please. 
Are you saying people in their 40s don't think there is hope?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans, I interpreted that to mean that he figured 40-somethings would be easier to date because they know themselves, what they want out of life, etc. but instead they just have more crazy and more baggage!


----------



## NoWhere

I'd like to think being a 40 something that regardless of baggage I'm a much more calm and level headed individual then when i was younger.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I've always been calm and levelheaded but now I'm more willing to speak up, say what I want/need and have those difficult conversations that I used to be afraid of having.


----------



## Jellybeans

You guys have me looking forward to my 40s


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> You guys have me looking forward to my 40s


You have even more to look forward to, 50s 

But, I feel like I am in my 20s.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I just signed up on Zoosk...OMG, I feel like I have been trampled! That place is nuts! Anyone else here on that site??


----------



## Waits4Mr.Right

Ok, I'll play. Lol.... So I'm 38, an empty nester as of 2 years ago, and a grandma. In my 1st post, I wrote about all the drama with my daughter. After she chose to move out, I was in a deep depression up until a few months ago. Not sure what exactly changed, maybe final acceptance of the situation. ..So I've been on the dating scene for the past few months and met someone...everything is going well and I've been up front with him about everything. We are in the same stages of life, have a lot of the same interests and he lives a very active life. So much so, I have trouble keeping up.  ....He's also 24 years older than me....So I want to know if anyone else has been in this situation and if the relationship lasted.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> I just signed up on Zoosk...OMG, I feel like I have been trampled! That place is nuts! Anyone else here on that site??


Zoosk IS nuts. yeah, I've tried it. One step above POF if you ask me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Zoosk and POF is what my exhusband used... you know. While we were still married.

Good luck, 3x!


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Zoosk IS nuts. yeah, I've tried it. One step above POF if you ask me.


Haha. So does that mean POF is bad?


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

3Xnocharm said:


> I just signed up on Zoosk...OMG, I feel like I have been trampled! That place is nuts! Anyone else here on that site??


So how many pics of someone's junk have you received so far?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh gawd. So glad you said that. I will never sign up there. Lol.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Jellybeans said:


> EnjoliWoman said:
> 
> 
> 
> Zoosk IS nuts. yeah, I've tried it. One step above POF if you ask me.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. So does that mean POF is bad?
Click to expand...

I think I posted this once before ... there is a local man who was recently arrested for exposing dozens of women to HIV from unprotected sex during ONS arranged through POF. 

Yeah the guy should be castrated but my thought was ... who are these women? Stupid.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

jellybeans said:


> haha. So does that mean pof is bad?


The WORST. IMO.


----------



## Jellybeans

What is so bad about it? Is it a hookup site? I thought it was a dating site?


----------



## NoWhere

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> So how many pics of someone's junk have you received so far?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


 In my defense I only send out 20 pics a day


----------



## 3Xnocharm

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> So how many pics of someone's junk have you received so far?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


NONE so far, thank the lord!!



Jellybeans said:


> What is so bad about it? Is it a hookup site? I thought it was a dating site?


It is a dating site, but its like jumping into a roundabout at an intersection! It is constantly moving and people seem to be checking your profile and sending you messages and saying they want to meet CONSTANTLY. Its crazy!


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Jellybeans said:


> What is so bad about it? Is it a hookup site? I thought it was a dating site?


Guess that depends on what you want out of dating. Its reputation is that it is not a place that people who are looking for LTRs typically use.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Haha. So does that mean POF is bad?


My sister couldn't find anything concrete on POF...always liars saying they are looking for something serious only to try to get into her pants.

And she was stood up quite a few times too...


----------



## badcompany

^^^ Hey we aren't all bad


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> What is so bad about it? Is it a hookup site? I thought it was a dating site?


It is a dating site. But I find the quality of the members is poor. Now that IS based on what I'm looking for. 

So yes, I'm generalizing and I'm sure there are a FEW nice guys out there but it just isn't worth digging through the masses to find them. I found there were more swingers, polyamorous and open marriage guys, married guys looking for a "discrete" relationship because they aren't getting what they need and then the guys who just haven't grown up yet, are in a rebound situation or are bored and unemployed.

I've always had the best luck on match.com and I think the fee sort of weeds out the creeps more. A guy is investing something in finding someone.

All of that being said a few here have good things to say so maybe it's just my area.


----------



## Ikaika

Enjoli and Jelly, save your money come visit the islands. I will find you a nice Polynesian male for you during your stay. All very respectful (they know better).


----------



## HappyKaty

vi_bride04 said:


> My sister couldn't find anything concrete on POF...always liars saying they are looking for something serious only to try to get into her pants.
> 
> And she was stood up quite a few times too...


That's a perfect description of what POF is.

I just joined last week, and have had nothing but invites for hookups. 

I guess you get what you pay for.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Enjoli and Jelly, save your money come visit the islands. I will find you a nice Polynesian male for you during your stay. All very respectful (they know better).


Deal!



3Xnocharm said:


> *It is a dating site, but its like jumping into a roundabout at an intersection! *It is constantly moving and people seem to be checking your profile and sending you messages and saying they want to meet CONSTANTLY. Its crazy!


I got dizzy just reading that. :rofl:

So funny.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Expand, please.
> Are you saying people in their 40s don't think there is hope?



Yeah l might to JB . lt just so happens my laundromat is right next to her salon , l'll think of something :rofl:
Wish she did shaves , wish l asked for the cut she did on Wed to be left longer , either way l could go back for more 
My hairs too short now and she doesn't do shaves , ****** . That leaves the laundromat - lots of washing coming up.
l'll have really clean clothes and be very very well groomed until further notice on the situation :rofl:

40s . l think it's just lifes toll on everyone JB . like here they teach us not to let this [email protected] wreck us and future relationships, how to pick up the pieces. But most people won't get that.
So so many of them are still very skewed. like my beach house chick. Unfortunately she'll probably just keep sabotaging any future potentials that come along . 
Basically , people have been kicked around a lot by the time they reach 40s l think.
Media screwing them up even more with ideals that don't in reality exist .


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Jellybeans, I interpreted that to mean that he figured 40-somethings would be easier to date because they know themselves, what they want out of life, etc. but instead they just have more crazy and more baggage!



Exactly :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

NoWhere said:


> I'd like to think being a 40 something that regardless of baggage I'm a much more calm and level headed individual then when i was younger.




Yeah , l'd like to think that too Nowhere and that's what l've expected to find.
Looks like it's going to be a challenge though.
l mean hell , got enough baggage myself now, l feel like l've been smacked around with bricks after all this. l can well understand it .


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> I just signed up on Zoosk...OMG, I feel like I have been trampled! That place is nuts! Anyone else here on that site??



Yes yes and yes :rofl:
l went back on it last night . l dumped the lot 6 wks ago for the real world . But last wk l had 3 new emails so l wanted to go back on to check them out. But guess what , l couldn't get back in, holy hell lifes an absolute [email protected] sometimes isn't it!
Well , finally got back in last night.

Trampled's right l hear you loud and clear. God you cop a kicking in those places !
Zoosk , l kinda like it as far as they go though but hell l dunno. And it's pretty dear too.
Think they have just as many fake profiles and tricks as any of the others though .


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> The WORST. IMO.



Really , oh God 'm so tired of this [email protected] already . I'm going back to get my hairdresser :rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Heh, once I am ready I am going to use Vanguard or WoW as a dating site!!! Massive Multiplayer Online role playing games and finding dates=WIN WIN!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Heh, once I am ready I am going to use Vanguard or WoW as a dating site!!! Massive Multiplayer Online role playing games and finding dates=WIN WIN!


It worked for my ex wife. I hear they're keepers!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Heh, once I am ready I am going to use Vanguard or WoW as a dating site!!! Massive Multiplayer Online role playing games and finding dates=WIN WIN!


You'll have something in common. Boredom.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> It worked for my ex wife. I hear they're keepers!


Sorry daddio.... this sort of made me smile.
Hope you are much happier!!


----------



## Nsweet

If anyone needs any help creating a dating profile, feel free to ask. That's something I'm good at because I have a lot of experience with dating sites. 

Like a lot of people don't understand the choice of words you use to describe yourself in your profile is almost as important as what you say to describe your life. One wrong word can get you nothing but creeps. 

Also, like it's been said here "you get what you pay far". A lot of these free sites that were started with the best of intentions are really just sites used by sad losers trolling for booty. Like Craig's List. 

And I've seen a lot of the same red flags over and over, enough to be able to spot the crazies in their heading and the 'about me' alone. Generally the more exciting someone tries to sound the more full of sh!t their profile is.


----------



## whitehawk

Waits4Mr.Right said:


> Ok, I'll play. Lol.... So I'm 38, an empty nester as of 2 years ago, and a grandma. In my 1st post, I wrote about all the drama with my daughter. After she chose to move out, I was in a deep depression up until a few months ago. Not sure what exactly changed, maybe final acceptance of the situation. ..So I've been on the dating scene for the past few months and met someone...everything is going well and I've been up front with him about everything. We are in the same stages of life, have a lot of the same interests and he lives a very active life. So much so, I have trouble keeping up.  ....He's also 24 years older than me....So I want to know if anyone else has been in this situation and if the relationship lasted.



My x was 11 yrs younger than me and there's no way she could keep up unfortunately and she was very youngish for her age to boot.
l could say we were a perfect match up until this last few yrs before we, sorry , split.
but although there were other problems a biggie for me too in our last 2-3 yrs was that she just never had any energy and it was really effecting me.
You should be able to keep up though, much bigger age gap.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Generally the more exciting someone tries to sound the more full of sh!t their profile is.



You know what , l've found that with people in real life too , l dunno how many times .


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> You know what , l've found that with people in real life too , l dunno how many times .


And I haven't even begun to describe the red flags. The damsels in distress and the emotional bullies. The "Too good to be true from the start" women. There's a reason these people have to resort to online dating. Other than divorce or something sad, the never married crowd you meet there can be really wacko.


----------



## whitehawk

So you'd say a girl in her late 30s or into 40s never married was a red flag, they really worry me . l didn't know if they should or not but they do .


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> And I haven't even begun to describe the red flags. The damsels in distress and the emotional bullies. The "Too good to be true from the start" women. There's a reason these people have to resort to online dating. Other than divorce or something sad, the never married crowd you meet there can be really wacko.


What classifies a woman as an emotional bully? 

I have been known to be obsessive and a bit crazy. Just don't want to be a bully


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> So would you say a girl in her late 30s or into 40s never married was a red flag, they really worry me . Dunno if they should or not but they do .


What's rule #1 in prison, the same rule in online dating..... TRUST NO ONE! 

A woman could tell me she's 30, never married, never found "the one", and tell me nothing to be suspicious about and I would still not trust what she says. People lie. That's it, that what people do. You have to be open enough to let someone in but keep note of what they tell you. 

The biggest red flag btw, when she's been on the dating site forever and can't tell you about any relationship she's had lasting over 2 years. That tells me she's either a love addict or someone no guy wants to stay with for too long. 

Also don't believe she's single if she says so. Some women like to swing from one relationship to the next while holding onto the last one, until they're comfortable enough to commit. That's someone who will cheat, lie, and manipulate you while she's interviewing others. I never believe an attractive woman is "single" until I've gotten to know her because many women have what are pretty much platonic boyfriends, close relationships with exes, or groupies just orbiting her waiting for their chance. And all of those men are classified as "friends".


----------



## whitehawk

l've gotta try to describe this one l found last night to you guys , l am still gob smacked . Wish l could paste it here.

Here's this girl , late 30s , never married, no kids, cute face but no body shot and it said umm , a little extra weight :smthumbup:
She craps on in her about me. 
Very picky, all this detail, it went 2 miles and then comes the what she's looking for.

She starts it with - exactly this .
He will wear suits.
He will be respected in his chosen career and be in an authority position.
He will be a successful man that commands respect.
He will only fly first class 

and it went on , and on , and on , for another 20 or so lines . l just couldn't read any further :rofl:

And what is her pic , it's of her driving, you could see it was probably a 15yr old car and , she lives in a town of about 2,000 , middle of no where .
Good luck with that honey !


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> What classifies a woman as an emotional bully?
> 
> I have been known to be obsessive and a bit crazy. Just don't want to be a bully


Obsessive and crazy? Are you trying to say fairly normal?:rofl:

An emotional bully in a relationship is someone who constantly berates their partner and tears down their self esteem to make themselves feel better.They don't feel good and they can't stand to see their partner happy, so they put a stop to it and slowly but surely keep them dependent on their appraisal by making sure nothing they do is ever good enough. 

And there's too types, the aggressive and the passive aggressive. The aggressive is pretty much psychical without being physical. They yell and scream and hit with their words. The passive aggressive is harder to spot but they use more guilt tripping tactics to make their partners feel as bad as possible and get their way. My ex wife was like the second one. Can't tell you how bad she used to make me feel about being myself, and she could make herself cry on cue.

Also, I forgot to mention the way you can usually spot these people is by how their partner acts. If you're with an aggressive emotionally bully you're going to be a lot more fearful and beat yourself up for not doing things their way before they get upset, and if you're with a passive aggressive emotional bully you're going to spend all your time trying to make them happy or think of ways to make them happy. 

Does that sound like you?


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Obsessive and crazy? Are you trying to say fairly normal?:rofl:
> 
> An emotional bully in a relationship is someone who constantly berates their partner and tears down their self esteem to make themselves feel better.They don't feel good and they can't stand to see their partner happy, so they put a stop to it and slowly but surely keep them dependent on their appraisal by making sure nothing they do is ever good enough.
> 
> And there's too types, the aggressive and the passive aggressive. The aggressive is pretty much psychical without being physical. They yell and scream and hit with their words. The passive aggressive is harder to spot but they use more guilt tripping tactics to make their partners feel as bad as possible and get their way. My ex wife was like the second one. Can't tell you how bad she used to make me feel about being myself, and she could make herself cry on cue.
> 
> Also, I forgot to mention the way you can usually spot these people is by how their partner acts. If you're with an aggressive emotionally bully you're going to be a lot more fearful and beat yourself up for not doing things their way before they get upset, and if you're with a passive aggressive emotional bully you're going to spend all your time trying to make them happy or think of ways to make them happy.
> 
> Does that sound like you?


No but I think the demise of a relationship is 50/50. Maybe my ex would say I am one because he said I changes him for the worse. 
I personally feel that my ex was a bit passive aggressive bully as I was always doing everything possible to make him happy. Even now I get bouts of guilt for not loving him enough and want my needs meet. 
Oh one more thing. I am still very much in the rollercoaster so many of my thoughts are incomprehensive. I am learning to think independently and it is a lot of work.

Thanks


----------



## ne9907

I meant to put a family face at the end of "thanks" but apparently my phone doesn't like happy faces!

 
Let's see if that worked


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> No but I think the demise of a relationship is 50/50. Maybe my ex would say I am one because he said I changes him for the worse.
> I personally feel that my ex was a bit passive aggressive bully as I was always doing everything possible to make him happy. Even now I get bouts of guilt for not loving him enough and want my needs meet.
> Oh one more thing. I am still very much in the rollercoaster so many of my thoughts are incomprehensive. I am learning to think independently and it is a lot of work.
> 
> Thanks


So you're going through what I went through with my ex wife. And you're right, it was him. You simply being here wanting to work on yourself shows that you're capable of deep introspective thought and actually working on yourself. That's something an emotionally bully just can't do. They would rather dump you or cheat so they can find a new admirer who likes why they appear to be and so they don't have to ever change. They don't have to heal because they just keep swinging. 

You know why you're feeling like this now? Because there's a lack of noise and conflict you're not used to, and the relationship was so one sided for so long that you're left feeling incomplete if you're not helping someone or trying to make him in another form feel better. And that will pass in time.

If it makes you feel any better, the time you're spending alone now is like getting over a cold you caught from him. You're going to think you're crazy, and that's because you're still acting like he wanted you to act which shows you how crazy he was. In about a year or two you'll have shed all of that and start feeling comfortable in your own skin again.


----------



## whitehawk

l could see earlier ne you were still very much on that roller coaster. l think it was you, just kick me if l'm wrong, that said "when l am ready ", very smart and aware of yourself . That's a really good thing . Take all the time you needs my modo , life will wait .
And your delving , working it all out first , for me this is what people really need to do before they try their next step.


----------



## ne9907

I ate Chinese food tonight. My fortune cookie read "you will receive an unexpected gift from an acquaintance."
Perhaps the gift was your statement "you are going to think you are crazy, and that is because you are acting like he wanted you to act."

I have felt like I am crazy.
Thank you again.


----------



## whitehawk

It turned out , during our splitting and talks, my x felt she couldn't make me happy no matter how hard she tried.
But l tried to tel her , babe you don't even have to try to make me happy , l've never known anyone that just makes me happy being you so much but - she was reading so many things l said and did so differently to how they were intended.
l can hear you guys because l think l insensitively did some of that stuff myself. Just carelessly not realizing they were being taken so seriously. lt still breaks my heart that she read it like that and so l hurt her and had her feeling like that .
lt was the last thing l intended.
You have to be so careful with words and actions towards those you love don't you.


----------



## whitehawk

2galsmom said:


> She forgot . . .
> 
> He will NOT be on an online dating site looking for women like me.


Ha ha yeah, did l feel like emailing her that one :rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

2galsmom said:


> Good grief Jellybeans and Enjoli woman. Good grief. I will throw in a good grief for Muskrat too as I am in a "men are very unattractive" mood but it would appear so are women as well.
> 
> Good grief.
> 
> As a person in her 40s, I can tell you there is no way I would tolerate this crap. Some people at this stage of the game find comfort in themselves and have the wisdom to know that a person of the opposite sex is not going to complete them so that makes us less likely to be "pleasers" and tell cheapskates about what we will do or will not do with them in bed as well as cut off "friends" who are chronic texters.
> 
> It is a beautiful thing. I wish you all the best in the dating world.
> 
> You dodged a bullet with the jealous coke fiend, embrace you, embrace your freedom and it will come in God's time.


Eh, I found it all fun/funny.  I learned something from every encounter whether it be about people in general or something about myself. Nobody was dangerous or stalking or scary. 

And I certainly learned which dating sites to steer away from! 

I have resorted to on-line dating because 
a) meet-up groups I belong to all seem to be during the week; 
b) meeting someone at work is out of the question (small company, all married) 
c) neighborhood no potential mates 
d) kids' school no single fathers I'm interested in - this may change now that she's in high school - Friday football games are looking more appealing  
e) my gym is OK but I haven't seen more than 2 guys that are in my age range that appeal to me
f) the Habitat houses I've worked on are built by 20-somethings earning college credits/peace corps/etc.
g) I am not religious so church isn't an option

So that leaves the grocery store/mall, the dog park or bars (wine rooms tend to be very girls only or couples oriented).:rofl:

That sounds like I'm very focused on finding a mate but I really don't work very hard at it. I've been single for 10 years (well I left 10 years ago; single for 8.5) so these have been assorted avenues and activities that people here would normally suggest. I didn't DO all of these things LOOKING for someone.

But I've been told I put off an unapproachable vibe and I'm not sure how to not be me. I try for more eye contact and smiles and my body language is open. My friend says I'm too focused on what I'm doing and don't just look around enough. 

She gets hit on all of the time - she's no prettier (tho a lot shorter) and we are about the same size. Then again the guys that hit on her would not interest me. She's more open to the possibility that the janitor is a great guy and he might be but unless he's doing that while he's waiting for his book to publish, odds are we don't have a lot in common.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

drerio said:


> Enjoli and Jelly, save your money come visit the islands. I will find you a nice Polynesian male for you during your stay. All very respectful (they know better).


But but but - do we get to bring them back??? Because I'm sure a little fling on a lovely island with a nice strong tan Polynesian man would be delightful but then reality strikes.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Eh, I found it all fun/funny.  I learned something from every encounter whether it be about people in general or something about myself. Nobody was dangerous or stalking or scary.
> 
> And I certainly learned which dating sites to steer away from!
> 
> I have resorted to on-line dating because
> a) meet-up groups I belong to all seem to be during the week;
> b) meeting someone at work is out of the question (small company, all married)
> c) neighborhood no potential mates
> d) kids' school no single fathers I'm interested in - this may change now that she's in high school - Friday football games are looking more appealing
> e) my gym is OK but I haven't seen more than 2 guys that are in my age range that appeal to me
> f) the Habitat houses I've worked on are built by 20-somethings earning college credits/peace corps/etc.
> g) I am not religious so church isn't an option
> 
> So that leaves the grocery store/mall, the dog park or bars (wine rooms tend to be very girls only or couples oriented).:rofl:
> 
> That sounds like I'm very focused on finding a mate but I really don't work very hard at it. I've been single for 10 years (well I left 10 years ago; single for 8.5) so these have been assorted avenues and activities that people here would normally suggest. I didn't DO all of these things LOOKING for someone.
> 
> But I've been told I put off an unapproachable vibe and I'm not sure how to not be me. I try for more eye contact and smiles and my body language is open. My friend says I'm too focused on what I'm doing and don't just look around enough.
> 
> She gets hit on all of the time - she's no prettier (tho a lot shorter) and we are about the same size. Then again the guys that hit on her would not interest me. She's more open to the possibility that the janitor is a great guy and he might be but unless he's doing that while he's waiting for his book to publish, odds are we don't have a lot in common.


Well l can say Enjoli you sure don't come off round here unapproachable . As a matter of fact , now don't get a big head over this will ya :rofl: but you seem like one of the most , what's the word for it, sorry just teasin , l dunno you just have this comfortable ease about you . 
Damn it now we're gonna have to fit double doors round here just so you can fit your ears through coming and going :smthumbup:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> Well l can say Enjoli you sure don't come off round here unapproachable . As a matter of fact , now don't get a big head over this will ya :rofl: but you seem like one of the most , what's the word for it, sorry just teasin , l dunno you just have this comfortable ease about you .
> Damn it now we're gonna have to fit double doors round here just so you can fit your ears through coming and going :smthumbup:


You sweet-talker, you. 

I am very chatty, TMI, open book - can talk about anything with anyone... it's the approach that is difficult for me. I don't approach guys and they don't approach me. That's why dating sites have been better/easier for me. After an email or two we meet and I can easily chat and get to know them. It's the initial contact/breaking the ice that is so hard.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> But but but - do we get to bring them back??? Because I'm sure a little fling on a lovely island with a nice strong tan Polynesian man would be delightful but then reality strikes.


I'm sure you can, nothing to stop you.


----------



## badcompany

EnjoliWoman said:


> You sweet-talker, you.
> 
> I am very chatty, TMI, open book - can talk about anything with anyone... it's the approach that is difficult for me. I don't approach guys and they don't approach me. That's why dating sites have been better/easier for me. After an email or two we meet and I can easily chat and get to know them. It's the initial contact/breaking the ice that is so hard.


I can relate exactly EW. The problem is here in the NW is it seems to be the most internet illiterate corner of the USA. I'm finding a fair amount of the women who are trying online dating to be overly choosy or messed up somehow. In person women locally seem more guarded and pessimistic as well, will scowl as you approach or avoid if you are making eye contract etc etc. I was really surprised in a trip to Salt Lake City how much nicer the women were.


----------



## whitehawk

badcompany said:


> I can relate exactly EW. The problem is here in the NW is it seems to be the most internet illiterate corner of the USA. I'm finding a fair amount of the women who are trying online dating to be overly choosy or messed up somehow. In person women locally seem more guarded and pessimistic as well, will scowl as you approach or avoid if you are making eye contract etc etc. I was really surprised in a trip to Salt Lake City how much nicer the women were.



Yeah that online stuff with them is exactly the way l find them to.
They seem to think oh goodie , a supermarket , l can write whatever list l want now , he'll be in isle 3 and l'll just chuck him in the trolly when l get there - wrong !!! Talk about off into la la land .

Your local area sounds like my immediate town . For some reason the women are famous for that same way about them. They literally come across as if they're snubbing you .
When l first moved to the area l thought WTF , most of them aren't even nice looking let alone have the gall to treat you like that.
lt took me awhile to figure out how to handle them but in the end l thought right. If this is the way it is round here you can all go fk yourselves and l totally refused to make any effort with any of them , not even a hello first.
And if any of them do feed me any little teaser tid bits , l don't overly respond, make them work a bit more, l stay very whatever'ish with them. So unless l get something from them , even just a warm smile , l don't even acknowledge them.
This gets them smiling and making a lot more effort, throws them, they aren't use to it.
Same with conversation. They have this real way of nose in the air thing about them and you'd try to make convo but it'd be like hmmm, ok then, work harder thank you . 
Ahh - no thanks l think you've got that one [email protected] about and l started doing that to them, making them work , took no notice of them and you don't reckon that confused them. 
Everywhere else around here they're really nice but just around that town. 
So that's how l treat them and guess what , they all chat away , smile , big hellos now , actually start a convo first , hell they might even approach me first .

Just turn the tables and put them them work man , you'll be amazed .


----------



## Jellybeans

Singles of TAM, I am sharing my Single of TAM Friday night with you guys.

Ok so my mother was supposed to come over and have dinner at my place tonight (by the way I bought my first place recently and I l-l-love it--my first real estate purchase alone, sans husband), but anyway she ended up not coming and I had gone to the grocery store.

Cooking is therapeutic for me, I like to do it alone mostly cause I find it calming, so I made some chicken with piccata sauce, rotinni pasta and some sauteed zucchini and squash in butter and shallots with a glass of white wine. 

I had too much food left over. :/

Tonight I probably could be on a date, but I am happily spending a night at home. Comfy cozy.


----------



## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> Enjoliwoman you are not UNapproachable, do you want every loser hitting on you? No, no you do not. If they cannot take the time or make the effort to speak to you, then they are not for you!


:rofl:

Well I see nothing wrong with saying Hi to a man first; but I agree, w/ the second part, if after seeing someone/dating them, if they can't make the effort to reach out, then really, who gives a hoot about them?

Equal efforts are appreciated!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

It's not a waste if I learn more about what I do/don't want or learn something about people in general. 

I agree about not wanting every guy hitting on me. But a welcoming smile would be nice! Then I could return the smile, then he comments on something and we chat. Shouldn't it be that easy? *sigh* 

I smiled at two guys at the grocery store tonight but it felt so awkward I looked away immediately!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Singles of TAM, I am sharing my Single of TAM Friday night with you guys.
> 
> Ok so my mother was supposed to come over and have dinner at my place tonight (by the way I bought my first place recently and I l-l-love it--my first real estate purchase alone, sans husband), but anyway she ended up not coming and I had gone to the grocery store.
> 
> Cooking is therapeutic for me, I like to do it alone mostly cause I find it calming, so I made some chicken with piccata sauce, rotinni pasta and some sauteed zucchini and squash in butter and shallots with a glass of white wine.
> 
> I had too much food left over. :/
> 
> Tonight I probably could be on a date, but I am happily spending a night at home. Comfy cozy.



Big congrats on the property JB , ain't it cool !
l was suppose to be going fishing but the thing is we fish a long the beach , with lots of tourists walking , females  and some gorgeous ocean to lap up , sunsets.
This was gonna be another new little step into getting a life again. First time in years.
Text from x , what time you picking d up, oops , forgot it was early this wk.
So we didn't get to our fishing and tourists , next wk :smthumbup:

But hey , d and me made a nice tea and settled back for Vampire Diaries season set. Beautiful night so still can't complain.


----------



## ne9907

> Some women look all around for ego gratification, they need to have male attention to feel valid as a human


I have been so guilty of this for the past few months. I am getting better each day, though.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> It's not a waste if I learn more about what I do/don't want or learn something about people in general.
> 
> I agree about not wanting every guy hitting on me. But a welcoming smile would be nice! Then I could return the smile, then he comments on something and we chat. Shouldn't it be that easy? *sigh*
> 
> I smiled at two guys at the grocery store tonight but it felt so awkward I looked away immediately!



Yeah l know it , those little intricacies can be weird sometimes.
l use to have this worry that if l smiled at someone out somewhere, she'll think l was coming onto her, like about to chase her. Or l'd make her uncomfortable. 
Don't ask me where l got this idea from.
So for years l was always weird about smiling . Thankfully one day l came to my senses .
Mind you , l do feel like chasing one now and then - but l resist :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I smiled at two guys at the grocery store tonight but it felt so awkward I looked away immediately!


Baby steps 



whitehawk said:


> Big congrats on the property JB , ain't it cool !


It's sooo cool. Thanks Whitehawk and 2gals 



whitehawk said:


> Yeah l know it , those little intricacies can be weird sometimes.
> l use to have this worry that if l smiled at someone out somewhere, she'll think l was coming onto her, like about to chase her. Or l'd make her uncomfortable.


Nothing wrong with smiling at people. You could brighten someone's day.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

2galsmom said:


> I used to find cooking therapeutic jellybeans, I am glad you are comfy cozy. Enjoliwoman you are not UNapproachable, do you want every loser hitting on you? No, no you do not. If they cannot take the time or make the effort to speak to you, then they are not for you! It is social Darwinism. They weed themselves out DO NOT INVITE THEM IN!
> 
> Some women look all around for ego gratification, they need to have male attention to feel valid as a human. This is not the case with you, just be yourself.
> 
> As for your excellent attitude in being amused by it, well there you go, enjoy and stay positive. As for me, I find little humor in wasting my time with anyone who feels the need to tell me they like sex on the first date. REALLY? Wow. You don't say. Or the rest of them is like hearing the same joke over and over again, and it is no longer funny. I can watch Stephen Colbert if I want a laugh.


Yep! That's why us naturally quiet reserved guys always lose.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> It turned out , during our splitting and talks, my x felt she couldn't make me happy no matter how hard she tried.
> But l tried to tel her , babe you don't even have to try to make me happy , l've never known anyone that just makes me happy being you so much but - she was reading so many things l said and did so differently to how they were intended.
> l can hear you guys because l think l insensitively did some of that stuff myself. Just carelessly not realizing they were being taken so seriously. lt still breaks my heart that she read it like that and so l hurt her and had her feeling like that .
> lt was the last thing l intended.
> You have to be so careful with words and actions towards those you love don't you.


Nope. That's all in her head. 

If you asked my ex around the time of our divorce, she would tell you she tried everything to make me happy a then go on to paint this picture of being the perfect housewife to an assh*le of a husband. My friend, you know me. That can't be further from the truth, I'm a really nice guy who did everything to make my wife happy. Mission impossible. 

No, what you heard from her is her rewriting history to play the victim so she doesn't feel any shred of guilt over ending the relationship. And people who do this always have a long line of exes who they say have screwed them over, but in reality they did something to get that aggression or vengeance out of them. It's usually what they call needling, or picking fights so they can turn you into the bully they paint you to be in their head.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Nope. That's all in her head.
> 
> If you asked my ex around the time of our divorce, she would tell you she tried everything to make me happy a then go on to paint this picture of being the perfect housewife to an assh*le of a husband. My friend, you know me. That can't be further from the truth, I'm a really nice guy who did everything to make my wife happy. Mission impossible.
> 
> No, what you heard from her is her rewriting history to play the victim so she doesn't feel any shred of guilt over ending the relationship. And people who do this always have a long line of exes who they say have screwed them over, but in reality they did something to get that aggression or vengeance out of them. It's usually what they call needling, or picking fights so they can turn you into the bully they paint you to be in their head.


Yeah , there was definitely plenty of that at the end, justifying the means and all that stuff, the guilt of quitting on us.
But she was a good women to and she couldn't help herself but try so hard for a long time. lf you knew our story fully, l'd made a mess of things though, a very big one, caused a lot of hurt. What she'd felt was justified .
The thing was though it was savable, repairable , all she had to do was add another yr to 18, big deal.
lf we can see what we've done , own it , we're in the right place to repair it. So it was a big ask but she shouldn't have quit, there was no need.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Whitehawk
> 
> Nothing wrong with smiling at people. You could brighten someone's day.



See this was the crazy thing , l enjoy it now too.
We live and learn l guess , shake the crap out of our system as we go , hopefully :lol:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



2galsmom said:


> Smiling is a good healthy habit.


I smile at everyone I pass in public every time I'm out....even if I'm not feeling totally confident with myself. 
Unless I'm in a really bad, angry type of mood then I don't smile at all lol...but it's rare I go out in public in a mood like that


----------



## angelpixie

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , there was definitely plenty of that at the end, justifying the means and all that stuff, the guilt of quitting on us.
> But she was a good women to and she couldn't help herself but try so hard for a long time.* lf you knew our story fully, l'd made a mess of things though, a very big one, caused a lot of hurt. What she'd felt was justified .*
> The thing was though it was savable, repairable , *all she had to do was add another yr to 18*, big deal.
> lf we can see what we've done , own it , we're in the right place to repair it. So it was a big ask but *she shouldn't have quit, there was no need.*


'Hawk, from other things you've said about your story elsewhere, there are other people who would have gotten to a limit, too. Maybe that's what happened with your ex. She didn't believe things would get better if she added 1 more year because they hadn't gotten better in the prior years, so maybe for her, there *was* a need. You admit that she did try hard for a long time, so it could be that this isn't one of those situations of history-changes in order to justify. 

Maybe in the future, she'll decide she wants to take another look at things and give you another chance. But until then, use this time to do what we all have had to do when our relationships end: work on yourself, figure out your part in what went wrong and change those things so they don't have a negative effect on any new relationships, become a mentally and emotionally stable potential partner so that you attract mentally and emotionally stable people.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



2galsmom said:


> It makes a difference, and I don't do it to attract male attention. (Actually if it does then I stop smiling LOL).


This made me laugh pretty hard...

Same here. I like to smile to be friendly not to try to get hit on.


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> 'Hawk, from other things you've said about your story elsewhere, there are other people who would have gotten to a limit, too. Maybe that's what happened with your ex. She didn't believe things would get better if she added 1 more year because they hadn't gotten better in the prior years, so maybe for her, there *was* a need. You admit that she did try hard for a long time, so it could be that this isn't one of those situations of history-changes in order to justify.
> 
> Maybe in the future, she'll decide she wants to take another look at things and give you another chance. But until then, use this time to do what we all have had to do when our relationships end: work on yourself, figure out your part in what went wrong and change those things so they don't have a negative effect on any new relationships, become a mentally and emotionally stable potential partner so that you attract mentally and emotionally stable people.



Thanks muchly for the thoughts Angel , very appreciated.
She did , try very hard , it was just her way , think she wore herself out 
We both did really with the help of life just getting too much, on top of us both , major cluster fk.
You are right , some other people would've reach that limit too , it's true. We're all built differently aren't we , hell l was there myself.

l've been using your advice and of the many other great people round here and it's helped so much . 
We talk now , about things , l'm not sure where that'll take us but , as you say - we wanna be in good shape anyway for us and whatever our future holds regardless don't we so.


----------



## whitehawk

Work this one out :scratchhead:

Some might've seen l got locked out of my dating site a week after deciding to reactivate it as they called it- sounds dangerous to me :lol:
Eventually l managed to get back in think it was last wk or wk before.
Anyway so l just scribbled up a quick few lines at the very top about me bit.
About 1 and a 1/2 lines in the who l'm looking for bit , haven't even put in a pic yet or fixed up the wording but - get this.

l've been getting 2-3 emails a day from girls wanting to chat .
l only had 4 or 5 in 5mths before.
3/4 of it's still blank this time.
And , the sites sending me about 15 matches a day - WTF !

Not complaining l spose , any actions better than no action l guess.


----------



## Daisy10

Didn't think there would be singles on this site, but I am one too.


----------



## angelpixie

Welcome, Daisy. We are mostly here after going through other TAM forums on infidelity, separation and divorce, etc.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Yeah, its become a second home for a lot of us!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Welcome, Daisy. We are mostly here after going through other TAM forums on infidelity, separation and divorce, etc.


Yeah this isn't the thread for "My stbx/ex husband is a d!ck". No, this is the thread for "girls (and guys) you wouldn't believe the man I met last night, I hope he's right for me.":smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

So date update... lunch date with shrink hat... he is nice, cute, intellectually i clicked with him but not sure if i have the chemistry/physical with him. He asked me out again, i agreed, since then he been a bit clingy... texting several times a day everyday..... umm we went on one date for an hour... texting at 730 am on sunday morning..hmmm

So second date with killer hat... brought me a dozen roses went out to a sports bar to watch fights, met a few of his friends, had a really nice time... hes a gentleman, very good kisser... yea physical is totally there

best part is exh saw the flowers that killer hat got me on sunday... he got all bent about it, was an a$$ to me... hahahah dude we have been divorced for 1.5 yrs... you left me for OW....hahahah


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> So date update... lunch date with shrink hat... he is nice, cute, intellectually i clicked with him but not sure if i have the chemistry/physical with him. He asked me out again, i agreed, since then he been a bit clingy... texting several times a day everyday..... umm we went on one date for an hour... texting at 730 am on sunday morning..hmmm


Oh wow. Set boundaries. "Please do not text me that early--I was sleeping." 


Also, if you already know there is no chemistry/physical with him, then perhaps it's best to let him know you are not interested. No sense in wasting his or your time.



unsure78 said:


> best part is exh saw the flowers that killer hat got me on sunday... he got all bent about it, was an a$$ to me... hahahah dude we have been divorced for 1.5 yrs... you left me for OW....hahahah


Funny how that happens, right?

I have an update for you guys too with regards to the guy friend who is in love with me. He flew into town this weekend for a night. He texted me at 8:30 a.m. (too early) Saturday to say he was in town and he could hang later. So I met up with him later (and some other friends). We were discussing how women can pick up if another woman likes a man (i.e. I told him I thought our server was attracted to him). He said how one of his friends' wife thought I was into him (when we'd hung out previously) and I told him, "Well, you know that you and I are friends. And I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship because I value it so much." I made more "friend" references. Ever since, he hasn't been texting me as much and I sense a change in him towards me. Also I said he does text me a lot. I feel mean. We are both attending this event next month and I hope it's not awkward. I feel bad but I feel like it needed to be stated. He has spent the last couple of years fawning all over me. I've never done anything to lead him or nor think that there could be something between us and honestly, I am not attracted to him in the physical sense whatsoever. Like, I could never imagine us together and there is no attraction for him from my side. I feel bad but you cannot create an attraction.


----------



## muskrat

Good job setting boundaries JB. Probably saved yourself a lot of headaches.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I have an update for you guys too with regards to the guy friend who is in love with me. He flew into town this weekend for a night. He texted me at 8:30 a.m. (too early) Saturday to say he was in town and he could hang later. So I met up with him later (and some other friends). We were discussing how women can pick up if another woman likes a man (i.e. I told him I thought our server was attracted to him). He said how one of his friends' wife thought I was into him (when we'd hung out previously) and I told him, "Well, you know that you and I are friends. And I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship because I value it so much." I made more "friend" references. Ever since, he hasn't been texting me as much and I sense a change in him towards me. Also I said he does text me a lot. I feel mean. We are both attending this event next month and I hope it's not awkward. I feel bad but I feel like it needed to be stated. He has spent the last couple of years fawning all over me. I've never done anything to lead him or nor think that there could be something between us and honestly, I am not attracted to him in the physical sense whatsoever. Like, I could never imagine us together and there is no attraction for him from my side. I feel bad but you cannot create an attraction.


Yea I have this problem a lot too with guy friends who like me... i found too that stating you are in the friend zone usually, but not always works.... you did good


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Good job setting boundaries JB. Probably saved yourself a lot of headaches.


Thanks. But now he is being distant. I mean, I guess I understand why.



unsure78 said:


> Yea I have this problem a lot too with guy friends who like me... i found too that stating you are in the friend zone usually, but not always works.... you did good


The thing is I know he has liked me for YEARS but I have never ever done anything to make im think I like him, you know? My sis even told me that he told her "I like Jellybeans" and she was like "But Jellybeans doesn't like you." And that was eons ago.

I just wonder. Cause we are going to this event together and now he probably hates me 

But if that's true then that would mean he was only friends me with all the time because of his crush on me. I don't want to think he's manipulative though cause he is a good guy. 

Weird how we can be attracted to one person but not someone else. Like I have zero zero zero attraction towards him eventhough he is kind.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

update: So, just to share and not to gloat.....seriously.......I had porn star level sex last night. Abs burning...(thanks crossfit)...sweaty...screaming....orgasms a plenty....porn star level sex. 

And, no, never had that when married. In fact, my ex struggled to even orgasm. Many good things can come from divorce, yes they can........:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> update: So, just to share and not to gloat.....seriously.......I had porn star level sex last night. Abs burning...(thanks crossfit)...sweaty...screaming....orgasms a plenty....porn star level sex.
> 
> And, no, never had that when married. In fact, my ex struggled to even orgasm. Many good things can come from divorce, yes they can........:smthumbup:


Wooho!! :woohoo: I'm jealous!!


----------



## vi_bride04

mmmmm porn star sex

...much better living through you guys then experiencing it on my own *sarcasm*


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> mmmmm porn star sex
> 
> ...much better living through you guys then experiencing it on my own *sarcasm*


Sorry, couldn't help myself. Had to share.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> update: So, just to share and not to gloat.....seriously.......I had porn star level sex last night. Abs burning...(thanks crossfit)...sweaty...screaming....orgasms a plenty....porn star level sex.
> 
> And, no, never had that when married. In fact, my ex struggled to even orgasm. Many good things can come from divorce, yes they can........:smthumbup:


Oh my..... I am so jealous.... better hit the gym haha~

Awesome for you!!!


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks. But now he is being distant. I mean, I guess I understand why.
> 
> 
> 
> The thing is I know he has liked me for YEARS but I have never ever done anything to make im think I like him, you know? My sis even told me that he told her "I like Jellybeans" and she was like "But Jellybeans doesn't like you." And that was eons ago.
> 
> I just wonder. Cause we are going to this event together and now he probably hates me
> 
> But if that's true then that would mean he was only friends me with all the time because of his crush on me. I don't want to think he's manipulative though cause he is a good guy.
> 
> Weird how we can be attracted to one person but not someone else. Like I have zero zero zero attraction towards him eventhough he is kind.


He is being distant because he is hurt. He really likes you and when you made it clear he was friend zoned it was almost like being dumped. Give him some time, if he comes around, you still have your friend, if not, well was he ever really a friend to begin with then?


----------



## muskrat

Dedicated2Her said:


> update: So, just to share and not to gloat.....seriously.......I had porn star level sex last night. Abs burning...(thanks crossfit)...sweaty...screaming....orgasms a plenty....porn star level sex.
> 
> And, no, never had that when married. In fact, my ex struggled to even orgasm. Many good things can come from divorce, yes they can........:smthumbup:


Details man!!! What exactly does porn star sex entail? :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> mmmmm porn star sex
> 
> ...much better living through you guys then experiencing it on my own *sarcasm*


I'm not busy next week... 



...just sayin'.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> He is being distant because he is hurt. He really likes you and when you made it clear he was friend zoned it was almost like being dumped. Give him some time, if he comes around, you still have your friend, if not, well was he ever really a friend to begin with then?


Agreed. 

He is being very short with me now. 

But the thing is--I NEVER EVER made him think I was into him. At all. Not once.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> But the thing is--I NEVER EVER made him think I was into him. At all. Not once.


_"Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."_ - Obi-Wan Kenobi


----------



## Jellybeans

Obi-Wan--so smart.


----------



## Jellybeans

So should I not have said anything before the event? Or was I right to do it before? Ayy.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> I'm not busy next week...
> 
> 
> 
> ...just sayin'.


What?! You're a porn star, too?! You're a true Renaissance Man, Pbar. :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

So wasn't there talk about a meetup in Vegas??? I mean whatever happens there stays there, right?

LMAO


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> So should I not have said anything before the event? Or was I right to do it before? Ayy.


I'm not sure the timing really matters. In the end, it's at least a little hurtful when someone you like doesn't like you back. Even more so when you like-like them and they don't like-like you back. Just give him some space and I'm sure he'll get back to himself after he's had a chance to switch his like/like-like gears.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> I'm not sure the timing really matters. In the end, it's at least a little hurtful when someone you like doesn't like you back. Even more so when you like-like them and they don't like-like you back. Just give him some space and I'm sure he'll get back to himself after he's had a chance to switch his like/like-like gears.


True. I just didn't want to get there and have him thinking something was going to happen or having him profess his love for me. He had even contacted me saying he wanted to plan dinner with me while we were both in town-a month out. That is overwhelming, you know? I hadn't even done my itinerary yet.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> What?! You're a porn star, too?!


Oh no, not yet. I need to... *AHEM!* ...rehearse a little more, first.


----------



## Dollystanford

Rehearse = get acquainted with your fluffer?


----------



## angelpixie

Ahhh, Dolly. I was trying to think of a way to work 'fluffer' into a post, and you beat me to it. :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> Rehearse = get acquainted with your fluffer?


----------



## angelpixie

That really doesn't help anything, you know.


----------



## NoWhere

vi_bride04 said:


> So wasn't there talk about a meetup in Vegas??? I mean whatever happens there stays there, right?
> 
> LMAO


 I was in Vegas in Oct and Aug. Did I miss a meetup...


----------



## ne9907

NoWhere said:


> I was in Vegas in Oct and Aug. Did I miss a meetup...


Oh...
I am planning a trip to Vegas!! I love it!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> Details man!!! What exactly does porn star sex entail? :smthumbup:


Rat, it includes multiple "angles", multiple orgasms for both (yes, that means lose it and keep going for a guy), burning muscles that feel like you have actually been through a grueling workout, sheets soaked with sweat and other bodily fluids from both, loud noises from both, and the deep satisfaction that when you are done you are so spent that you don't care that the mattress is most likely ruined because you look at the other person and both of you are like, "did that just happen?" (you can absolutely see that in a girls eyes) And, yes, it spans over an hour. Basically, really messy stuff.  More like 90 minutes. I can see why chicks did guys that have strong abs and hips. 

I am sore today.....LOL. My entire body.

Confidence is such a huge deal for both people to have incredible sex. As fun as it was though, I think it may have been too good. It makes the uncrazy, crazy. I think I am dating an addict.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Rat, it includes multiple "angles", multiple orgasms for both (yes, that means lose it and keep going for a guy), burning muscles that feel like you have actually been through a grueling workout, sheets soaked with sweat and other bodily fluids from both, loud noises from both, and the deep satisfaction that when you are done you are so spent that you don't care that the mattress is most likely ruined because you look at the other person and both of you are like, "did that just happen?" (you can absolutely see that in a girls eyes) And, yes, it spans over an hour. Basically, really messy stuff.  More like 90 minutes. I can see why chicks did guys that have strong abs and hips.
> 
> I am sore today.....LOL. My entire body.
> 
> Confidence is such a huge deal for both people to have incredible sex. As fun as it was though, I think it may have been too good. It makes the uncrazy, crazy. I think I am dating an addict.


I remember those days fondly. 

Ah yes, picking up a girl in her early to mid 20s from a bar or club (if you're lucky), having those awkward moments in between kissing and foreplay where you're both trying to "impress" one another in bed, having sex like it's going to be against the law (and some forms that are in many states). Good times!:smthumbup:

And not just boring sex either, doing everything you can get away with (and some things you can't... you have to apologize for later). It's like that moment you do it not because it feels good, you give her your best because you want to be that guy she brags about later. It's that smile and sex-drunk look on her face that makes it all worth it. She has this glow and looks absolutely beautiful and "glistening".

The funny thing is during those nights you're so high with endorphins that you don't feel pain until the next morning. Then you wake up and feel every muscle you pulled, the scratch marks she left feel like they're on fire, you're jaw and tongue hurt so much you slur your speech a little, and your penis is aching if it's not purple and bruised from all the weird positions she just had to try. 

What makes it all worth it? What makes it worth while standing in line the next day for coffee wearing the same clothes you had on last night with lip stick stains and hickeys - the hickeys you asked her politely not to give you but she did anyways to mark her territory and f*ck your game up for a week. What makes it all worth while is the look she gives you. I don't even think it has words, it's just like a "Ah ha!" moment tattooed to her face and a Cheshire grin she can't get rid of.


----------



## ne9907

> What makes it all worth it? What makes it worth while standing in line the next day for coffee wearing the same clothes you had on last night



haha
I call it "the walk of shame"


----------



## Pbartender

Just ran across this rather interesting article...

A Cold War Fought By Women - NYTimes.com


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> haha
> I call it "the walk of shame"


There is no shame in having mind blowing orgasms the night before! lol


----------



## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> Let him go Jellybeans. It can be addictive and ego gratifying to have someone texting and chasing for all that time and you told him you were not into him so let him pull back now and do not reel him back in because you clearly feel he is not for you.
> 
> Go to your event confident and cordial and move on to things and people that are "for you."
> 
> If he then pulls away and no longer wants to go to dinner with you, so be it, he is moving on himself and I would respect that if I were you.
> 
> Good luck.


It's not about ego or addictiveness for me. He has been my friend for years now, and a good one at that. Those are hard to come by. I personally sometimes value friendships way over any dude I am randomly dating or romantic relationships because friendships last. Kwim? I would never ever use someone for ego or gratification. I just felt that it was getting to a point where I should say something. So I do not want to lose my friend of many years but at the same time, I hear what you are saying. It's not like I am chasing after him, I just notice he has been short with me ever since I told him that I'd never do anything to ruin our friendship. I do respect his space.

As for the event, yes I will go and be cordial like you said.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> I remember those days fondly.
> 
> Ah yes, picking up a girl in her early to mid 20s from a bar or club (if you're lucky), having those awkward moments in between kissing and foreplay where you're both trying to "impress" one another in bed, having sex like it's going to be against the law (and some forms that are in many states). Good times!:smthumbup:
> 
> And not just boring sex either, doing everything you can get away with (and some things you can't... you have to apologize for later). It's like that moment you do it not because it feels good, you give her your best because you want to be that guy she brags about later. It's that smile and sex-drunk look on her face that makes it all worth it. She has this glow and looks absolutely beautiful and "glistening".
> 
> The funny thing is during those nights you're so high with endorphins that you don't feel pain until the next morning. Then you wake up and feel every muscle you pulled, the scratch marks she left feel like they're on fire, you're jaw and tongue hurt so much you slur your speech a little, and your penis is aching if it's not purple and bruised from all the weird positions she just had to try.
> 
> What makes it all worth it? What makes it worth while standing in line the next day for coffee wearing the same clothes you had on last night with lip stick stains and hickeys - the hickeys you asked her politely not to give you but she did anyways to mark her territory and f*ck your game up for a week. What makes it all worth while is the look she gives you. I don't even think it has words, it's just like a "Ah ha!" moment tattooed to her face and a Cheshire grin she can't get rid of.


Not quite, we've been together for 10 months. Crazy thing is the sex continues to become more and more aggressive. There is definite truth to the whole emotional attached to physical.


----------



## badcompany

Glad someone is getting the whole enchilada D2H


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Just ran across this rather interesting article...
> 
> A Cold War Fought By Women - NYTimes.com


Yea see NSweet this is what I was talking about before... not all women are like this but some are...

Good find PB ...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Glad someone is getting the whole enchilada D2H


Been a long, dang time. Lots of work, and I freaking deserve it.


----------



## badcompany

That's great congrats
Your sig reminds me of the Shawshank Redemption. I always joke to myself about my stbxw being the Warden and figure I'm about 3/4 of the way thru the sewer pipe about now.
It's too bad my back is such a mess, I'm probably limited to once a day unless I get a Ms. BC that likes to ride. Doesn't mean my fingers and tongue don't work though


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> I call it "the walk of shame"


The "walk of shame" is something different. That's when you walk home from the bar holding your heels in one hand because you're still too drunk to balance and no one picked you. Or it could be when you settled and went home with one of the "last call guys" and have to walk home trying to forget about what you did. You know, shameful.

If the sex was really good and you picked a winner, he's not letting you walk home by yourself. He'll either give you cab fare, give you a ride, or let you sleep over and then leave when you're sober enough in the morning. It's not even a walk of shame at that point, it's a dress rehearsal for what you're going to tell your friends about that one guy you didn't do anything with.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> The "walk of shame" is something different. That's when you walk home from the bar holding your heels in one hand because you're still too drunk to balance and no one picked you. Or it could be when you settled and went home with one of the "last call guys" and have to walk home trying to forget about what you did. You know, shameful.
> 
> If the sex was really good and you picked a winner, he's not letting you walk home by yourself. He'll either give you cab fare, give you a ride, or let you sleep over and then leave when you're sober enough in the morning. It's not even a walk of shame at that point, it's a dress rehearsal for what you're going to tell your friends about that one guy you didn't do anything with.


hmmm what shows how much I know. Is there a place to take dating 101??


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> hmmm what shows how much I know. Is there a place to take dating 101??


I offer a course through Craig's List.:smthumbup:

Seriously, I could compile a list of really good dating books and email you a few. There's some written by men for other men that are pretty good, a little misogynistic, but they do explain some things that others do not. The best IMHO are the books on reconciliation and divorce for understanding why not to chase when dating, and then there are some written by women that are pretty good at explaining how to keep yourself distant while interviewing these men. 

But I can teach you how to decode pretty easily. There's not a whole lot of new things I hear... I mean you'd be surprised by the same phrases that always seem to pop up. And then it's pretty much a basic understanding on NLP, lie detection, and body language skills. If a guy's lying to you he's going to have tells.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I offer a course through Craig's List.:smthumbup:
> 
> Seriously, I could compile a list of really good dating books and email you a few. There's some written by men for other men that are pretty good, a little misogynistic, but they do explain some things that others do not. The best IMHO are the books on reconciliation and divorce for understanding why not to chase when dating, and then there are some written by women that are pretty good at explaining how to keep yourself distant while interviewing these men.
> 
> But I can teach you how to decode pretty easily. There's not a whole lot of new things I hear... I mean you'd be surprised by the same phrases that always seem to pop up. And then it's pretty much a basic understanding on NLP, lie detection, and body language skills. If a guy's lying to you he's going to have tells.


I sounds very interesting but it sort of will take the fun and craziness of it all!
Haha, I will keep your offer in mind and will annotate it in my journal just in case I ever need it.
I watched the movie "He is just not that into you" and I think I am pretty much set 

I am kidding, but at the moment I am good!
Thanks!


----------



## Nsweet

I loved that movie! I so wanted the needy redhead! Love redheads btw. 

In all honesty knowing this stuff does take some of the craziness out of it, but it's good to familiarize yourself with some of the unwritten rules so when you need it you can just remember. It also helps to know all the red flags before you go on a date and can avoid dating crazy before it's too late.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I loved that movie! I so wanted the needy redhead! Love redheads btw.
> 
> In all honesty knowing this stuff does take some of the craziness out of it, but it's good to familiarize yourself with some of the unwritten rules so when you need it you can just remember. It also helps to know all the red flags before you go on a date and can avoid dating crazy before it's too late.


I have a friend who is always stating how she dates to get married... I think I will be the opposite. I will date to have fun, and if I ever make a online profile one of my statements will be 
"I just want a free meal" haha.

Bring on the craziness, I am ready for good laughter!


----------



## ne9907

Ob btw if a man asks me on a date, I expect him to pay for dinner. Is that being entitled? I don't think so because if I were to ask someone on a date, I would pay for dinner.


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> The "walk of shame" is something different. That's when you walk home from the bar holding your heels in one hand because you're still too drunk to balance and no one picked you. Or it could be when you settled and went home with one of the "last call guys" and have to walk home trying to forget about what you did. You know, shameful.


Baby bro...you know I love ya but this is balls. The walk of shame is going into work in the same clothes you wore the night before because you spent an unexpected night banging a hottie

It is also the reason *some* women keep a spare pair of knickers in their handbag

And before you start to argue, I have done the walk of shame - have you?


----------



## angelpixie

I read a 'guide' to on line dating that actually recommended carrying a purse large enough to throw in extra undies, a non-wrinkling top for the next morning, hair and make-up stuff, etc., thereby eliminating the whole 'walk of shame' experience.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have a friend who is always stating how she dates to get married... I think I will be the opposite. I will date to have fun, and if I ever make a online profile one of my statements will be
> "I just want a free meal" haha.
> 
> Bring on the craziness, I am ready for good laughter!





ne9907 said:


> Ob btw if a man asks me on a date, I expect him to pay for dinner. Is that being entitled? I don't think so because if I were to ask someone on a date, I would pay for dinner.





Dollystanford said:


> Baby bro...you know I love ya but this is balls. The walk of shame is going into work in the same clothes you wore the night before because you spent an unexpected night banging a hottie
> 
> It is also the reason *some* women keep a spare pair of knickers in their handbag
> 
> And before you start to argue, I have done the walk of shame - have you?


Yes. 

It was back in the Navy about 5 years ago. I went to NYC wearing my dress whites, the white sailor's uniform with the wide sleeves and little black satin tie. I got laid Saturday night, but I couldn't leave until I was sober late Sunday night because I wasn't 21, and had already been busted. I had over slept in my very expensive hotel in downtown Manhattan and had to sober up on the train ride back to base. 

To call it a "walk of shame" was an understatement..... Because I had no clothes other than my uniform, my uniform was dingy and grey from the smog, my neck was f*cked up with hickeys.... and I have this skin condition where I mark easily and bruises don't go away for like a week, my tie was wrinkled abused because I used it to tie her up with, and I remember I just smelled like sex and shame and coffee. 

That wasn't even the best part. I had duty the next day so I got in trouble for the hickeys, but I couldn't figure out why I was in trouble because my uniform was perfect. I had to stand at attention while being yelled at and called a "dumbass" until I was told to go stand watch and not let it happen again. 

Oh I forgot... Even though I looked like complete crap for being rode hard and put up wet, I still managed to get some Harvard girl's phone number on the train.Whoo!:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have a friend who is always stating how she dates to get married... I think I will be the opposite. I will date to have fun, and if I ever make a online profile one of my statements will be
> "I just want a free meal" haha.
> 
> Bring on the craziness, I am ready for good laughter!


She sounds a lot like a cousin of mine who tried to marry every short term boyfriend she had because she thought it would finally make her happy. She eventually found one to say yes and is still miserable. 

Those people tend to marry and have kids quick and then flip out over not ever living their lives when they have to make a commitment to their choices in life. The MLCers.



ne9907 said:


> Ob btw if a man asks me on a date, I expect him to pay for dinner. Is that being entitled? I don't think so because if I were to ask someone on a date, I would pay for dinner.


Traditionally, that's the way it goes. Unless he tells you up front he doesn't have any money and you two arrange a date doing something free, the first date or first few dates he pays and then you can go dutch later on. I know not too many ladies like broke men, but sometimes you want to give them a chance. 

Though, personally I don't believe in taking a first date out to a dinner. I have met too many girls who will phone it in for a free meal and then stop contributing to the conversation after that. And the whole dinner and a movie thing is completely played out anyways. It'd like every woman has had that date and it's *BORING AS HELL!!!!!*

What I like to do instead of the traditional stuff is meet somewhere public like a mall or pier with a bunch of shops and performers and have the "getting to know you" part of the date over smoothies, shakes, or coffees, and try to end it early. You always want to end it on a high note before you get sick of each other and leave them wanting more. Maybe 2-3hrs at most. 

I like to keep the first date somewhat cheap just to screen out the daddy's girls and gold diggers, and then on the second date take them to an amusement park or some place extra fun. It doesn't sound like it would work but it does. The really cool women don't like the feeling of being bought or feeling pressured into doing more on the date because the man pays too much. So a cup of coffee and something fried and bad for you with a walk around the park is perfect.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Oh I forgot... Even though I looked like complete crap for being rode hard and put up wet, I still managed to get some Harvard girl's phone number on the train.Whoo!:rofl:


Men in uniform are irresistible. Before I got married, when I was in the army I dated this guy. He never look more sexy than when he had his cook whites on. Yeah he was a cook. But he looked so delicious


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Men in uniform are irresistible. Before I got married, when I was in the army I dated this guy. He never look more sexy than when he had his cook whites on. Yeah he was a cook. But he looked so delicious


I know what you mean. The female MPs were these short Latin, white, and a couple Asian women on the submarine base. Outside of the uniform in civilian clothes they looked average to thick, but in those Navy BDUs they were ALL hot. There's just something about a 5'3" woman carrying a gun and handcuffs in a dark uniform that makes her so much more HOT.

You know, on second thought it could be that those were the only women we had on base in our age range and they were mostly bisexual.:lol:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> I remember I just smelled like sex and shame and coffee.


Best. Line. Of. The. Month.


----------



## philglossop

Ah memories........you know it's been a good night when you walk half way across your home city and in the end your milkman picks you up and lets you ride home on the back of the cart.

Never did get my watch back after that night

Not quite as bad as crawling on my hands and knees for a mile so drunk I could barely stand. The only things I lost that night was the skin off my hands, a pair of Levi's ripped to pieces on the knees ...oh and my dignity. Couldn't even get the key in the front door, so slept on the front door step.

My poor Mum had a lot to put up with when I lived at home.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

I once walked across York at 9am in four inch heels holding two mugs of slightly salted water - a contact lens in each one ha ha


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks. But now he is being distant. I mean, I guess I understand why.
> 
> 
> 
> The thing is I know he has liked me for YEARS but I have never ever done anything to make im think I like him, you know? My sis even told me that he told her "I like Jellybeans" and she was like "But Jellybeans doesn't like you." And that was eons ago.
> 
> I just wonder. Cause we are going to this event together and now he probably hates me
> 
> But if that's true then that would mean he was only friends me with all the time because of his crush on me. I don't want to think he's manipulative though cause he is a good guy.
> 
> Weird how we can be attracted to one person but not someone else. Like I have zero zero zero attraction towards him eventhough he is kind.


l reckon seems you've known him a long time JB , just give it time now for the dust to settle. Hopefully it works it's way back to where it was before all this . He's feeling a bit bruised and so p'd off that's all l think.
But ya can't mess with no attraction can ya, end up kicking yourself every time. 
Good luck


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Ob btw if a man asks me on a date, I expect him to pay for dinner. Is that being entitled? I don't think so because if I were to ask someone on a date, I would pay for dinner.


l dunno on that one , it can be weird. Some women get [email protected] if you even offer , some get [email protected] if you don't .


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l reckon seems you've known him a long time JB , just give it time now for the dust to settle. Hopefully it works it's way back to where it was before all this . He's feeling a bit bruised and so p'd off that's all l think.


Yes, we have known eachother for years now. I hope we can still be friends but I totally understand he is probably hurt.


----------



## bandit.45

I was istening to this song and it made me think of you Angelpixie. Made me smile. 

My Morning Jacket - Librarian - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

Hey Banditio... how goes it?


----------



## ne9907

Ahh...
I want to go to England and speak with a British accent. I wanna go to a pub (pub yes?) Get spool drunk that I am asking strangers for a ride to Hogwarts..


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Hey Banditio... how goes it?


I'm surviving sweetie. Surviving...

I was in the Windy City two weeks ago and I'll be there the week after Thanksgiving. Brrrrrrrrrr.....

I like Arizona in the wintertime better.


----------



## Pbartender

Walking out past the RA sitting behind the front desk of the girls-only dorm, while tucking in my shirt and desperately trying to smooth down a bad case of bed hair.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Walking out past the RA sitting behind the front desk of the girls-only dorm, while tucking in my shirt and desperately trying to smooth down a bad case of bed hair.



Today?!


----------



## Dollystanford

Bandito!!!


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, B -- Sounds like you need someone up in Chicagoland to keep you warm when you're up there. Unsure? You can probably make time in your busy schedule, right?


----------



## unsure78

lol.... im sure i can make time for bandito inbetween killer hat and shrink hat....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Unsure78 has enough confusion in her life without having to deal with my weird a$$. Besides I will be in Oakbrook Terrace outside the city in a 12 hour a day training class for two days. Flying in an flying out. No time for socializing on this trip I'm afraid.


----------



## unsure78

i work less than 10 mins from there....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> i work less than 10 mins from there....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


@bandit. I would so totally jump at this hint...


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Today?!


Back in the day, the WWotMW had a dorm room all to herself with no roommate.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

Don't ask me how I found this, but I just had to share this dating profile with you guys...

******* | Blood4theBloodG / 29 / M / Manchester, New Hampshire


----------



## ne9907

Pbartender said:


> Don't ask me how I found this, but I just had to share this dating profile with you guys...
> 
> ******* | Blood4theBloodG / 29 / M / Manchester, New Hampshire


Haha, at first I thought "is he for real?"

But then I realized he is for real. 


* BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!*
Is the war cry for an Warhammer Online, an online role paying game ( I had to google that).

I bet there are some women who will be into that. I am into online role playing games, but actually going on a date with someone who does not have individual thoughts but those of a game is actually scary!!


It was a fun read! Keep 'em coming!

oh Btw, is ******* free???


----------



## angelpixie

The funniest part for me is the 'similar users' column:

davio10 -- more loving
Jayhorrormovie -- more adventurous
DerryHockeyFan -- more desirous of sex
Asizzle818 -- more attentive

I wonder how these guys feel about being considered 'similar' to MrBloodGod. 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


And...I don't know about you guys, but I desperately want to know how Pbar happened across this profile.


----------



## vi_bride04

I actually thought it was a creative profile...caught my attention and I don't even game. Shows a great sense of humor and that's one of my must haves lol.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Ahh...
> I want to go to England and speak with a British accent. I wanna go to a pub (pub yes?) Get spool drunk that I am asking strangers for a ride to Hogwarts..


You know Hogwarts is REAL. It's just hard to find. It's like having sex for the first time.... The entrance is there, you just have to believe hard enough and hit it at the right angle.

And if that's not bad enough..... I also have a joke about the Hat of Sorting and men's foreskins. Except it calls out the brand of soap he washes with.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

> =Nsweet;5652201]You know Hogwarts is REAL. It's just hard to find. It's like having sex for the first time.... The entrance is there, you just have to believe hard enough and hit it at the right angle.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha... well there is still hope for my owl then.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And if that's not bad enough..... I also have a joke about the Hat of Sorting and men's foreskins. Except it calls out the brand of soap he washes with.:rofl:[/
> 
> 
> 
> Ahem*sorting hat* .... do tell the joke! or did you reveal the punchline?
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## Dollystanford

Hogwarts is Alnwick Castle in Northumberland
And if you go to Kings Cross station there is in fact a platform 9 and 3/4


----------



## ne9907

Dollystanford said:


> Hogwarts is Alnwick Castle in Northumberland
> And if you go to Kings Cross station there is in fact a platform 9 and 3/4


:smthumbup:

OMG!!!!! You just gave me another reason to plan a trip to England!!!!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Nsweet said:
> 
> 
> 
> You know Hogwarts is REAL. It's just hard to find. It's like having sex for the first time.... The entrance is there, you just have to believe hard enough and hit it at the right angle.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha... well there is still hope for my owl then.
> 
> 
> 
> Ahem*sorting hat* .... do tell the joke! or did you reveal the punchline?
> 
> 
> 
> I already revealed it.
> 
> BTW, that's what I do in my spare boring time. I write little jokes to amuse, mainly myself, and save the best ones to tell others. I'd like to try stand up comedy at least once, but not as a main source of income.
> 
> I'm actually working on a little routine in my spare time based on what I know about men, women, and relationships. More than just sex too, you gotta find comedy in the way men and women argue. Like have you ever seen women do that hands on the hip model stance, the ones who look hotter the more piss off they are at you?
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## ne9907

> BTW, that's what I do in my spare boring time. I write little jokes to amuse, mainly myself, and save the best ones to tell others. I'd like to try stand up comedy at least once, but not as a main source of income.
> 
> I'm actually working on a little routine in my spare time based on what I know about men, women, and relationships. More than just sex too, you gotta find comedy in the way men and women argue. Like have you ever seen women do that hands on the hip model stance, the ones who look hotter the more piss off they are at you?


That is pretty cool. You should practice with us, make a video and upload it to Youtube. (don't forget to share the link)

I am very funny too, except that most people don't get my humor but as long as I am able to crack myself up I am golden


----------



## ne9907

> And is that the site that got hacked and everyone's passwords were stolen?


I have no idea.

If ******* is free then I bet a lot of underage people do create profiles very often.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> That is pretty cool. You should practice with us, make a video and upload it to Youtube. (don't forget to share the link)
> 
> I am very funny too, except that most people don't get my humor but as long as I am able to crack myself up I am golden


I know, I know, that's what I plan on doing. I already promised a few people I would and I intend to make good on that promise in a bit. And it's not even the public speaking that get's to me or fear of failure, because I could give a crap if I get cheered or boo'd off stage. I already got over that fear in HS. It's the eyes that bother me. 

What was it, just the other day I was cracking myself up thinking about how you could play a game of connect the dots on a redhead.... and NEVER finish! BrokenVows would laugh at that. Or how it seems like every woman has a Jeckly and Hyde personality after a few drinks, there's the one that's the "whoo girl" and the other that want's to fight a b!tch just because. You ever have to baby sit a drunk girlfriend? It's like babysitting a 4yo who whines and complains and tries to ankle walk on f*ck me heels. Worst ones are the ones who vomit, and then who ask you if they're still pretty and you have to lie with a look of disgust on your face.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

> Worst ones are the ones who vomit, and then who ask you if they're still pretty and you have to lie with a look of disgust on your face


this reminds me of when I was very drunk and vomited on my friend's nice high heels! After which, I wiped my mouth and said "Excuse me, I have to vomit" and made my way to the bathroom!

That was fun


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> I know, I know, that's what I plan on doing. I already promised a few people I would and I intend to make good on that promise in a bit. And it's not even the public speaking that get's to me or fear of failure, because I could give a crap if I get cheered or boo'd off stage. I already got over that fear in HS. It's the eyes that bother me.
> 
> What was it, just the other day I was cracking myself up thinking about how you could play a game of connect the dots on a redhead.... and NEVER finish! BrokenVows would laugh at that. Or how it seems like every woman has a Jeckly and Hyde personality after a few drinks, there's the one that's the "whoo girl" and the other that want's to fight a b!tch just because. You ever have to baby sit a drunk girlfriend? It's like babysitting a 4yo who whines and complains and tries to ankle walk on f*ck me heels. Worst ones are the ones who vomit, and then who ask you if they're still pretty and you have to lie with a look of disgust on your face.:rofl:



This reminds me of this:

26 Reasons Kids Are Pretty Much Just Tiny Drunk Adults


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh gosh that post is so funny, Dedicated!

I love the one with the kid drinking the ocean water


----------



## whitehawk

I want Lucy Liu , damn it 

That is all


----------



## angelpixie

That was great, D2H! :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

I miss snuggling next to someone "spooning" style.

and since when did "cuddle buddy" become synonymous to "**** buddy"?


----------



## ne9907

> Good luck on your search ne9907. Watch out, you have a license now gold diggers will be after you!


Thank you!!!

As long as he is a 19 year old with an Adonis' body, my wallet is open!


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Find a pretty, well behaved one that does not talk too much and let me know how it works out! Never give him cash directly either.


Haha, maybe it is time to let my cougar out!
I will definitely let you know.


----------



## ne9907

Off to a casino, I hope to win big!
Sweet dreams all.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> *Haha, maybe it is time to let my cougar out!*


Oh dear God, thank you!ray:


----------



## Dollystanford

ne9907 said:


> I miss snuggling next to someone "spooning" style.
> 
> and since when did "cuddle buddy" become synonymous to "**** buddy"?


Because it takes a will of iron to be cuddling in bed with a dude and for it not to go further. Apparently, I wouldn't know


----------



## ne9907

Dollystanford said:


> Because it takes a will of iron to be cuddling in bed with a dude and for it not to go further. Apparently, I wouldn't know


:smthumbup:

Sometimes I ask the most naive (stupid) questions 
I did not win big, neither did I lose any money,and I had fun!


----------



## Jellybeans

Wouldn 't it be funny if we could hook the Life after Divorce crew up--you know, play Cupid with them or make them go on dates? Just from seeing peoples' posts back and forth. Who would you guys hook up/make go on a date?

My first nomination would be for Nsweet and Nene to go on a date. To a comedy club. LOL. 



Nene--cougar? You look young in your picture to be talking about channeling your inner cougar.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with cuddling


----------



## Dollystanford

OK but I get first dibs on Angelpixie


----------



## vi_bride04

I would def flirt with dolly all night long


----------



## Disenchanted

did someone say flirt?


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah it's completely gone. What happened? It said someone named epac got banned (for what?) and then thread was gone. Why was that person banned/why'd the thread disappear?


----------



## Disenchanted

Thread got locked so I had it deleted because I had pics up that I didn't want to keep there. Not really sure what happened, but it was going COMPLETELY off the rails. Lol

I'm make another one, maybe I'll move to social so it's not so inappropriate hehe.


----------



## Disenchanted

Thank you gorgeous lady


----------



## Jellybeans

Why was that epac person banned?


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> OK but I get first dibs on Angelpixie


You might have to share...


----------



## Dollystanford

Can I have the top half?


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Wouldn 't it be funny if we could hook the Life after Divorce crew up--you know, play Cupid with them or make them go on dates? Just from seeing peoples' posts back and forth. Who would you guys hook up/make go on a date?
> 
> My first nomination would be for Nsweet and Nene to go on a date. To a comedy club. LOL.
> 
> 
> 
> Nene--cougar? You look young in your picture to be talking about channeling your inner cougar.
> 
> Oh and there is nothing wrong with cuddling


How about a football game?

And yes, cougar. I am going for a 19 year old!
Btw Disenchanted, your kids are adorable! I saw the picture before you deleted your thread. Your boy is a mini version of you, and your girl is very cute!


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> Can I have the top half?


Suit yourself... I'm easy.


----------



## angelpixie

AP, musing to herself: "Ok, been out shopping all day. What did I miss?" *scrolls through thread*


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> OK but I get first dibs on Angelpixie


Says who? 



Pbartender said:


> You might have to share...


Alright everybody draw straws because we can't all be in Angel's wheelhouse.:rofl:

Seriously, I love Angel. She's like the more mature version of the wife I wish I had, with a smooth and sexy voice, also with a lot of qualities that make her the perfect mom. It's just too bad her husband was more like a little boy in need of mothering instead of an adult.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> And yes, cougar. I am going for a 19 year old!


Have fun before the novelty wears off. Teenagers, and college kids for that matter, are f*cking annoying. Once the thrill of having sex with an eager cub wears off they're not all that fun to be with, and good luck on that confidentiality agreement.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Btw Disenchanted, your kids are adorable! I saw the picture before you deleted your thread. Your boy is a mini version of you, and your girl is very cute!


Amazing what cute kids they are considering I'm only 19.


----------



## ne9907

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social...ent-pic-yourself-ones-you-care-about-140.html

Has to be the longest thread in TAM history....

And I just wanna fvck a 19 year old, not have any relationship w him. I am sure some women will understand.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I just wanna fvck a 19 year old, not have any relationship w him. I am sure some women will understand.


I understand. I feel the same way about beautiful older women in their 40s and 50s. They're like Pringles potato chips or Hershey's kisses. Once you have one, you want another one, and another one, and another one.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I understand. I feel the same way about beautiful older women in their 40s and 50s. They're like Pringles potato chips or Hershey's kisses. Once you have one, you want another one, and another one, and another one.


Everyone needs a little action! 
Oh Zach Effron is 26! I thought he was younger, he is very hot! and not too young.


----------



## RandomDude

>.<

Reminds me when I was 20, and this woman was 30... yet her son was only 5 yrs my junior!


----------



## unsure78

killer hat is yummy.... haven't totally tried that hat on yet but sure had a looooot of fun last night   
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> killer hat is yummy.... haven't totally tried that hat on yet but sure had a looooot of fun last night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Didn't know there was a pic thread , me going for looky :smthumbup:

And l'll sneak one in too but l'm so internet paranoid l'm gonna on purpose blur the pic first .
l dunno why l'm like that , l can't even bring myself to put clear pics on my dating site.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

There is a whole lot of pent up sexual fury in this thread. :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, just going to force myself to put out once my divorce is final, don't care if I'll throw up in her face, at least it'll stop me thinking about sex for a while


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

RandomDude said:


> Meh, just going to force myself to put out once my divorce is final, don't care if I'll throw up in her face, at least it'll stop me thinking about sex for a while


It's amazing how all consuming sex is when you're not having any.


----------



## RandomDude

Tell me about it! lol


----------



## Clawed

Hmm. I actually find I think about sex much less - that may or may not have something to do with my new meds 

However, to me, it's MUCH more frustrating being in a marriage in which you are not getting any. There is nothing worse, especially when that person is the only person you desire. At least now I'm free to do whatever the hell I want, and if I am not getting any, I can only blame myself.


----------



## Jellybeans

Clawed said:


> Hmm. I actually find I think about sex much less


Lucky. I think about it ALL THE DAMN TIME.


----------



## RandomDude

Which med?


----------



## Clawed

RandomDude said:


> Which med?


I am on Mirtazapine (Remeron) which is used to treat major depressive disorder. The side effects are very minimal but I have noticed a decrease in sex drive. However, I went through probably 5 others before this and this stuff is a Godsend compared to the horrible side effects of some of the other well-known drugs (Paxil, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Zoloft and the like). The side effects are actually good - for me anyway (drowsiness, weight gain).


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm, might get a prescription, just to see how it goes


----------



## Jellybeans

If you do not have "major depressive disorder" I would strongly advise against it (and/or any medication you are not properly diagnosed for).


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

Ok mum 
I shall continue to suffer... straight!


----------



## Clawed

Jellybeans said:


> If you do not have "major depressive disorder" I would strongly advise against it (and/or any medication you are not properly diagnosed for).


Absolutely! Are you already taking meds for depression, Random? If you are and are having bad side effects like I did, it's worth mentioning to your doc. My psychiatrist is one of the best there is and even though he did not initially prescribe this for me, he is a very big advocate of Mirtazapine and actually lectures other psychiatrists about it's use. He calls it the best kept secret in treating depression. I have to agree ~


----------



## RandomDude

No, I'm entirely straight at the moment


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> *sigh*
> 
> Ok mum
> I shall continue to suffer... straight!


You'd be surprised how resilient humans are.

My advice: sun, exercise, new hobbies, support group, call your family/friends, take up a new class, get busy.


----------



## RandomDude

I do get sun, I do work out, I do have hobbies but I'm still depressed, my family is displaced internationally, my friends are all busy especially with xmas coming up. 

I might learn guitar though, and I have arranged to meet new people, I'll be busy in mid Dec till Jan with work sure but what to do in the mean time? Also, I'm extremely cold to people I don't know without alcohol, and I want to be at my best when meeting new people. When depressed - it's not a good idea.


----------



## Clawed

RandomDude said:


> I do get sun, I do work out, I do have hobbies but I'm still depressed, my family is displaced internationally, my friends are all busy especially with xmas coming up.
> 
> I might learn guitar though, and I have arranged to meet new people, I'll be busy in mid Dec till Jan with work sure but what to do in the mean time? Also, I'm extremely cold to people I don't know without alcohol, and I want to be at my best when meeting new people. When depressed - it's not a good idea.


Yeah, there is only so much you can do if you are clinically depressed. I went undiagnosed for more than a decade. No matter what I did, whether it be hobbies or exercise, I couldn't overcome it. My suggestion, make an appt. Honestly, if I would have taken action sooner, I might still be happily married. Supposedly, I was pretty hard to live with. I was pissed at the world. Now, I am more or less happy. Never felt so good overall, in my life


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, alright looks like I will and see how it goes, they'll probably prescribe me a mild one with bad side effects however, bah, I'll see what I can do to get mirtazapine, what did you tell your doc to get the prescription?


----------



## Clawed

RandomDude said:


> Aye, alright looks like I will and see how it goes, they'll probably prescribe me a mild one with bad side effects however, bah, I'll see what I can do to get mirtazapine, what did you tell your doc to get the prescription?


Be honest with them. For me, I have been dodging the doc for years - but after I found out my wife was unfaithful, I came unglued and was suicidal. I admitted myself to the hospital. From there, they finally diagnosed me after counseling and tests (bloodwork etc.).

My advice, schedule an appt with your general practitioner or if you feel counseling would help, go that route - but see a phychiatrist since they can also prescribe. Once again, be totally honest with them. And do mention that you heard good things about (X). It could be a good starting point for them, because a lot of times, it's trial and error.

A lot of people don't realize how viscious a cycle depression really is. You feel sad which is bad enough on it's own - but then you throw in the fact that the net effect of the sadness is that you don't exercise, you have poor eating habits, you don't develop good relationships with others etc.

Alright, I won't hijack this thread any longer - good luck, let us know how it goes!


----------



## vi_bride04

Random - I just think you are in a funk and trying to find your bearings after the whole divorced and newly single stuff. Everything you thought about you and your life has been shattered. It takes time to rebuild yourself after the traumatic experience of a divorce. Even more if an affair was involved, IMO.

Don't jump to medicating yourself just yet. I am almost a year out of being "officially" divorced and I think I am just finally starting to get my bearings of this "new" life. I see alot of similarity in some of your posts as to how I felt at times. You want to feel some sort of "normal" and "happy"...yet not sure what those are. Its confusing. Not to mention being lonely and not having alot of people to rely on. I get it for sure. It actually turned me apathetic for a bit. I still am slightly but working on it. 

I see alot of these words/phrases in your posts: "but" & "can't". I don't know of any more self defeating words. 

Can you do me a favor? Stop yourself from saying them. Whenever you find you giving an answer to something or explaining something and go "I really want to do this BUT" just stop right there. Try to explain it a different way. DO NOT USE THE WORD BUT - it always comes before an excuse. Once you become conscious of how often you use those words but just paying attention so you can stop using them, you will be surprised. And really, not saying "But" or "can't" helps remove mental blocks faster than anything else I have tried. 

Here is a good article: Top 5 Words to Delete from Your Vocabulary | Everyday Power Blog


----------



## RandomDude

Darn it lol - the last time I mentioned suicidal thoughts back in my youth they tried to imprison me =/ I hope I don't have to go that far just to bloody get a prescription for some good anti-depressants. Thanks though, I'll see how it goes


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Random - I just think you are in a funk and trying to find your bearings after the whole divorced and newly single stuff. Everything you thought about you and your life has been shattered. It takes time to rebuild yourself after the traumatic experience of a divorce. Even more if an affair was involved, IMO.


I've had almost a year to get over knowing that I'm going to divorce, that's more than long enough, I don't want to waste my youth in pain and suffering. I just want to live. =/

I only have 2 yrs of 20s youth left before I hit 30!



> Don't jump to medicating yourself just yet. I am almost a year out of being "officially" divorced and I think I am just finally starting to get my bearings of this "new" life. I see alot of similarity in some of your posts as to how I felt at times. You want to feel some sort of "normal" and "happy"...yet not sure what those are. Its confusing. Not to mention being lonely and not having alot of people to rely on. I get it for sure. It actually turned me apathetic for a bit. I still am slightly but working on it.


Australian law dictated that my wife and I remain seperated for a full year before we can file for divorce. Despite reconciliation for 3 months up to V-day, we've lived apart since Nov so as long as certain questions on the form are answered in favor of divorce (the ones that ask about chances of reconciliation/reconciliation attempts) I'm certain we can get the grant. As long as she remains cooperative in a joint divorce we won't need a hearing either.



> I see alot of these words/phrases in your posts: "but" & "can't". I don't know of any more self defeating words.
> 
> Can you do me a favor? Stop yourself from saying them. Whenever you find you giving an answer to something or explaining something and go "I really want to do this BUT" just stop right there. Try to explain it a different way. DO NOT USE THE WORD BUT - it always comes before an excuse. Once you become conscious of how often you use those words but just paying attention so you can stop using them, you will be surprised. And really, not saying "But" or "can't" helps remove mental blocks faster than anything else I have tried.
> 
> Here is a good article: Top 5 Words to Delete from Your Vocabulary | Everyday Power Blog


=/

Tis hard, that's like stopping myself from expressing how I feel. I'd rather feel good, and express myself naturally.


----------



## Clawed

RandomDude said:


> Darn it lol - the last time I mentioned suicidal thoughts back in my youth they tried to imprison me =/ I hope I don't have to go that far just to bloody get a prescription for some good anti-depressants. Thanks though, I'll see how it goes


Here is a good check, if you have been depressed for several months (especially if it was before the relationshp issues began), you need to have it checked out - because it's likely that it isn't just a funk.

Also, I got a script from my general practioner at first and I did not mention thoughts of suicide - just perpetual sadness. He also did not have the knowledge of how to treat as a phychiatrist would and had me try different meds every six weeks, with garbage results. So, I would try to see a well-reviewed psychiatrist. Go to Healthgrades.com and find one in your area.


----------



## RandomDude

In in Aus so no healthgrades.com for me  
But we have medicare, so tis free! Except for the prescriptions themselves.

I'll go for a checkup, and I'll be honest, but if I don't get the prescription I need guess I'll just have to find someone who can. Heh, still remember the days of getting folks to get prescriptions of dexamphetamine and we cut the profits between ourselves, teenage years and all.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I've had almost a year to get over knowing that I'm going to divorce, that's more than long enough, I don't want to waste my youth in pain and suffering. I just want to live. =/
> 
> I only have 2 yrs of 20s youth left before I hit 30!
> 
> *You can't rush progress if you want to truly heal. A quick fix will not help in the long run. Geez man, you are only 28!!!! I wish I was at where you are at vs divorcing at 32 instead....You have so much time...why do you feel you need to rush healing? These young whipper snappers always want a solution NOW  You aren't even "officially" divorced. Knowing you are getting divorced and actually being divorced - two different sets of emotions to encounter and work through. *
> 
> 
> =/
> 
> Tis hard, that's like stopping myself from expressing how I feel. I'd rather feel good, and express myself naturally.
> 
> *It is hard. But change is hard. You will feel good - after you stop the negative talk. It is self defeating. Medicating yourself wouldn't be feeling good naturally. And even if you did get on anti-depressants, if you don't change your habits (i.e. self defeating talk) when you come off the medication you will go right back to square one. *


----------



## vi_bride04

Clawed said:


> Here is a good check, *if you have been depressed for several months (especially if it was before the relationshp issues began),* you need to have it checked out - because it's likely that it isn't just a funk.


:iagree:


----------



## RandomDude

Hey, it's worth a shot at least =/



> You can't rush progress if you want to truly heal. A quick fix will not help in the long run. Geez man, you are only 28!!!! I wish I was at where you are at vs divorcing at 32 instead....You have so much time...why do you feel you need to rush healing?


Not rushing healing, just taking painkillers while I heal =/



> These young whipper snappers always want a solution NOW You aren't even "officially" divorced. Knowing you are getting divorced and actually being divorced - *two different sets of emotions to encounter and work through.*


All the more reason to get myself up to speed sooner than later no?


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

RandomDude said:


> I do get sun, I do work out, I do have hobbies but I'm still depressed, my family is displaced internationally, my friends are all busy especially with xmas coming up.
> 
> I might learn guitar though, and I have arranged to meet new people, I'll be busy in mid Dec till Jan with work sure but what to do in the mean time? Also, I'm extremely cold to people I don't know without alcohol, and I want to be at my best when meeting new people. When depressed - it's not a good idea.


I separated a few years back for a year. My god that was difficult. I call it my practice run for a divorce except that I was single ... without really being single (ie, dating was out of the question) because my intent was to step away in a last ditch attempt to fix the marriage and not to divorce.

My entire social life was wrapped up in my marriage so when I separated, that disappeared. I had no real friends and nobody to socialize with. My family is spread out across the country and have none locally so there was little support there aside from phone calls. 

At first, it was liberating and I felt better about things than I had in a long time. I was focused on helping my children adapt, setting up my new place ... figuring out how I wanted to live. That was fun, especially relative to what I had been going through leading up to that point.

Then it got hard. I was lonely and felt isolated. I had nobody to talk to. I got depressed and was trying to sort through all of these emotions. I found myself coping in unhealthy ways. I tried connecting with people with little success. What I discovered is that sometimes when you need people the most is when they are least available to you. At first I felt it was unfair ... a cruel trick of human nature ... but who can blame them? Who wants to hang out with someone who is depressed and trying to sort through all these things? I sure as heck don't so why would anybody else? People only have so much patience for it. That's when I really started focusing on fixing myself ... a major challenge when you are depressed and there is a constant barrage of negative messages. 

There is no harm in going to IC or getting medical help for depression, even if it is only slight. It doesn't help the problems go away but with an improved outlook, you can more easily focus on the positive. Once you are comfortable with who you are and what you want then you achieve true happiness.

Someone told me this once and it kind of stuck ... makes sense to me: Become the person you want to be and you will attract the kind of people you want/need in your life. It doesn't happen the other way around.


----------



## RandomDude

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I separated a few years back for a year. My god that was difficult. I call it my practice run for a divorce except that I was single ... without really being single (ie, dating was out of the question) because my intent was to step away in a last ditch attempt to fix the marriage and not to divorce.
> 
> My entire social life was wrapped up in my marriage so when I separated, that disappeared. I had no real friends and nobody to socialize with. My family is spread out across the country and have none locally so there was little support there aside from phone calls.


I'm in a similar situation as such that my wife and I had a joint social circle and almost all of them are married/in relationships etc. Hence I needed (and still need to) meet new people.



> At first, it was liberating and I felt better about things than I had in a long time. I was focused on helping my children adapt, setting up my new place ... figuring out how I wanted to live. That was fun, especially relative to what I had been going through leading up to that point.
> 
> Then it got hard. I was lonely and felt isolated. I had nobody to talk to. I got depressed and was trying to sort through all of these emotions. I found myself coping in unhealthy ways. I tried connecting with people with little success. What I discovered is that sometimes when you need people the most is when they are least available to you. At first I felt it was unfair ... a cruel trick of human nature ... but who can blame them? Who wants to hang out with someone who is depressed and trying to sort through all these things? I sure as heck don't so why would anybody else? People only have so much patience for it. That's when I really started focusing on fixing myself ... a major challenge when you are depressed and there is a constant barrage of negative messages.


Exactly! People want you at your best, you can't expect one to listen to your ramble unless they are paid for it or come on TAM to hear about it! (lol)



> There is no harm in going to IC or getting medical help for depression, even if it is only slight. It doesn't help the problems go away but with an improved outlook, you can more easily focus on the positive. Once you are comfortable with who you are and what you want then you achieve true happiness.
> 
> Someone told me this once and it kind of stuck ... makes sense to me: Become the person you want to be and you will attract the kind of people you want in your life.


Aye, and I'm not comfortable the way I am right now. I need to get myself up to speed (no pun intended)


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

RandomDude said:


> I'm in a similar situation as such that my wife and I had a joint social circle and almost all of them are married/in relationships etc. Hence I needed (and still need to) meet new people.
> 
> 
> 
> Exactly! People want you at your best, you can't expect one to listen to your ramble unless they are paid for it or come on TAM to hear about it! (lol)
> 
> 
> 
> Aye, and I'm not comfortable the way I am right now. I need to get myself up to speed (no pun intended)


You're going to be ok. Life will look a lot different to you in a year or so and all this will only be a memory. No worries.


----------



## ne9907

I am surprised I do not feel depressed as I am going through my divorce. My ex has suggested multiple times, that I should get on a depression medication. I simply do not see it. I do not want a medication to cloud the way I am feeling (ie sadness, anger, lonely) because I feel it is part of the healing process.
BUT... if it gets to the point that I think I need a happy pill to help me cope, then I will consider it. 
I am in a good place at this time, I am learning new things about myself that surprise me. 
I like to be alone, I like solitude, does that make me depressed? I do not think so, because I enjoy it!

Oh and I still believe in true love, A happy ending begins with hope!!!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am surprised I do not feel depressed as I am going through my divorce. My ex has suggested multiple times, that I should get on a depression medication. I simply do not see it. I do not want a medication to cloud the way I am feeling (ie sadness, anger, lonely) because I feel it is part of the healing process.
> BUT... if it gets to the point that I think I need a happy pill to help me cope, then I will consider it.
> I am in a good place at this time, I am learning new things about myself that surprise me.
> I like to be alone, I like solitude, does that make me depressed? I do not think so, because I enjoy it!
> 
> Oh and I still believe in true love, A happy ending begins with hope!!!


So he cheats and leaves you and now he's telling you that you need medication for depression? I'm sorry but f*ck him! The only thing you need is time without him. 

But who knows, your doctor may be single and attractive and looking for someone like you.


----------



## RandomDude

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> You're going to be ok. Life will look a lot different to you in a year or so and all this will only be a memory. No worries.


I doubt it mate, considering I've lost a woman who to this day has proven her quality. She will not be easily replaced.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Oh and I still believe in true love


me too, but I'm a fool and everyone knows it


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I've had almost a year to get over knowing that I'm going to divorce, that's more than long enough, I don't want to waste my youth in pain and suffering. I just want to live. =/


If it means anything at all, I didn't start to feel normal for about 2 years...


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I doubt it mate, considering I've lost a woman who to this day has proven her quality. She will not be easily replaced.


You need to stop doing this. You are getting so wrapped up in what was that you are holding yourself back. If she was such a quality woman, then why are you divorcing? If it was so great, then why aren't you together? You are romanticizing the past.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> I doubt it mate, considering I've lost a woman who to this day has proven her quality. She will not be easily replaced.



I've read your stuff, random. And, I call bs on this.


----------



## RandomDude

Well perhaps I'll feel better if I actually have some potentials to look at, right now I have none, I dumped "laundry lady" remember?

Yeah alright, she does suck - not in a good way, but she did have some qualities that I find difficult to trust other women to have. Non-materialism and loyalty is rare enough as it is.


----------



## Jellybeans

It's not about having others... it's about feeling comfortable with yourself w/o needing the crutch of another person to get you over the 'hump.'


----------



## RandomDude

Its hard to be comfortable when I'm CELIBATE! >.< And I've been for almost a year 

Bah, maybe I'll feel better after I get randomly laid


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Its hard to be comfortable when I'm CELIBATE! >.< And I've been for almost a year
> 
> *Bah, maybe I'll feel better after I get randomly laid*


No, you will not. Not if your emotions are where they are at currently.

Why does having or not having sex define how comfortable you are with yourself? How does that contribute to your internal self worth?


----------



## RandomDude

It doesn't, but nor am I comfortable being horny with no release! I just need to get sex out of my mind, best way is to have it, preferably a bad experience maybe no? lol

I'm still a young man - young dumb and full of... ya know


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Random,

The secret to improving your self worth and how you feel are located in the activities of your everyday life. Activities, Activities, Activities.......


----------



## RandomDude

Might buy a guitar and take lessons... shame that my daughter has no interest in it >.< I wanted to learn with her and start a daddy/daughter rock band! Bah!

Still, would really love to learn how to play this song:
Starship Troopers - Klendathu Drop (Guitar cover with tabs) - YouTube

Still wanna get a release somehow though, and I've overkilled porn this year to the point it doesn't do anything for me no more (probably why sex is in my head all the darn time)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Random,

Stop looking at porn. Get a workout regime. Work yourself to being exhausted, everyday. You won't care about sex until that day you don't workout. Then, it's only 1 or 2 days a week that you are jonesing for some action.

Of course, my sex life has been far beyond anything I had when I was married after my divorce, so........... lol


----------



## RandomDude

I workout everyday, I work upper body 1 day, lower body the next, and repeat. Yet I still feel horny as hell EACH day :rofl: - but thats because I haven't been getting any since Feb

I've never had a drought like this IN MY LIFE!


----------



## vi_bride04

If you are that desperate, then go out and plow someone. Get it out of your system. Sex is easy to get if you really want to.

It won't help though. You won't feel more comfortable with yourself or feel like you have more self worth. Might give you a confidence boost for a bit but then you will be right back to where you are.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> I workout everyday, I work upper body 1 day, lower body the next, and repeat. Yet I still feel horny as hell EACH day :rofl: - but thats because I haven't been getting any since Feb
> 
> I've never had a drought like this IN MY LIFE!


Dude, CARDIO. if you work upper and lower like that and lift heavy weight you are INCREASING your testosterone which is sending your libido into the crazy zone. Do strength training, but end with a massive 30 minute cardio workout to wear your butt out.


----------



## RandomDude

Not looking for a confidence boost, just something to get my head off it.

Might pay the laundry a visit, but I'll probably get the cold shoulder. Lol imagine if I got lucky though, do it publicly, and on one of the machines!  It's not about confidence, self-worth, or any form of validation. I'm a guy, it's all about release. Been bottled for almost a year now, not used to it, not a monk!

Considering a kiss made me feel rotten - but got me off kissing for a while, imagine what sex would do, probably help me become content with celibacy, enough to help me keep my focus in healing no?


----------



## RandomDude

Dedicated2Her said:


> Dude, CARDIO. if you work upper and lower like that and lift heavy weight you are INCREASING your testosterone which is sending your libido into the crazy zone. Do strength training, but end with a massive 30 minute cardio workout to wear your butt out.


... =/

Well, that explains alot


----------



## vi_bride04

Looks like you know what your plans are this weekend - go out and get laid!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I am craving physical affection to the point that it hurts! Getting a taste of it again has brought that side of me out and its killing me!


----------



## RandomDude

Weekends are for my daughter, no compromise, I only have her 2x a week.

I'm going out on Friday though, see how it goes, but I might visit the laundry tomorrow though just to see how things go...










:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

You are just full of excuses, RD....


----------



## RandomDude

Wat? I AM going out 

Just not the weekends lol


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

vi_bride04 said:


> Looks like you know what your plans are this weekend - go out and get laid!


If it was that easy, the sex business wouldn't even exist.


----------



## vi_bride04

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> If it was that easy, the sex business wouldn't even exist.


Sorry, I'm coming from the perspective of having a vagina...thats probably why I see it as being really easy to get laid.


----------



## RandomDude

Beer goggles FTW


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

vi_bride04 said:


> Sorry, I'm coming from the perspective of having a vagina...thats probably why I see it as being really easy to get laid.


It's easy for some guys, not most guys. That's why they call it "getting lucky". 

If I had a vagina, I would be a total slvt


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I have a vagina and am not down with that.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Jellybeans said:


> Well I have a vagina and am not down with that.


Not down with? ....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

You know....for me, I would prefer for my **** to not rot off after having sex. If you get the random chick in a one nighter situation or even the first few dates, you are in for some crazy. End of story. The crazy is not worth it.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Sorry, I'm coming from the perspective of having a vagina...thats probably why I see it as being really easy to get laid.


Not all vaginas have as easy of a time as others...? Or want to...? 

Of course, I don't think I've ever been out in public with an attitude of "I just really want to get laid"... nope, I definitely never have. So, I guess I really can't say if that's true or not. 

Will I be giving that a shot anytime soon? Nope definitely not. Something about needing to put multiple layers of latex, chemicals, etc. between me and some unknown partner just to remain mostly safe makes me feel kinda squicky.


----------



## Jellybeans

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Not down with? ....


With this:



JustSomeGuyWho said:


> If I had a vagina, I would be a total slvt


----------



## RandomDude




----------



## Disenchanted

It IS easy to get laid for either sex when you are emotionally available. I went years without getting laid not knowing why I couldn't. Then when I came out of my funk I realized it was because I didn't want to the whole time. I thought I had wanted to, but I didn't.

It's weird.


----------



## angelpixie

RandomDude said:


>


*Condoms not effective against HPV or herpes*


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> It IS easy to get laid for either sex when you are emotionally available. I went years without getting laid not knowing why I couldn't. Then when I came out of my funk I realized it was because I didn't want to the whole time. I thought I had wanted to, but I didn't.
> 
> It's weird.


I disagree. Plenty of people are emotionally avaialble and not willing to just sleep with any Tom, **** or Harry (or Velma, Sara or Mary).


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> *Condoms not effective against HPV or herpes*


:rofl:


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Jellybeans said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> 
> Not down with? ....
> 
> 
> 
> With this:
> 
> 
> 
> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> 
> If I had a vagina, I would be a total slvt
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Jellybeans, I would have hoped you've seen enough of my posts to know I'm just joking. I don't have the no multi-dating, no sleeping around perspective because of a lack of opportunity.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## angelpixie

Disenchanted said:


> It IS easy to get laid for either sex when you are emotionally available. I went years without getting laid not knowing why I couldn't. Then when I came out of my funk I realized it was because I didn't want to the whole time. I thought I had wanted to, but I didn't.
> 
> It's weird.


If you are speaking of being _emotionally_ available in an interpersonal sense, it's not just 'getting laid,' really. But if you mean it as being free of past relationship baggage that might affect things like confidence, drive, etc., then I see what you're getting at.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Not all vaginas have as easy of a time as others...? Or want to...?
> 
> Of course, *I don't think I've ever been out in public with an attitude of "I just really want to get laid"*... nope, I definitely never have. So, I guess I really can't say if that's true or not.
> 
> Will I be giving that a shot anytime soon? Nope definitely not. Something about needing to put multiple layers of latex, chemicals, etc. between me and some unknown partner just to remain mostly safe makes me feel kinda squicky.


This is a desperate state of mind and I don't recommend it.

While I do sometimes need to just get a release physically (like what RD speaks of) I have been down the ONS road enough times to know its really not worth it. Having a vagina does make it easier to pick someone up at the bar though...again, not recommended...

I need to get a LELO and be done with it...lol


----------



## RandomDude

It ain't perfect but it's kept me clean all the way to 28 

There's still a risk even if you are in a 20 yr relationship and only fked one person in that time.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I disagree. Plenty of people are emotionally avaialble and not willing to just sleep with any Tom, **** or Harry (or Velma, Sara or Mary).


When and where did I suggest this was about sleeping with any Tom D!ck or Harry?

I didn't.


----------



## Disenchanted

angelpixie said:


> If you are speaking of being _emotionally_ available in an interpersonal sense, it's not just 'getting laid,' really. But if you mean it as being free of past relationship baggage that might affect things like confidence, drive, etc., then I see what you're getting at.


exactly


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> When and where did I suggest this was about sleeping with any Tom D!ck or Harry?
> 
> I didn't.


I was just saying.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, just need to get it out of my mind. Tomorrow I'll try what dedicated suggested and go for a run.


----------



## Disenchanted

Hi JB!


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> When and where did I suggest this was about sleeping with any Tom D!ck or Harry?
> 
> I didn't.


No, I did....lol

Well, I think the discussion came from telling RD to just go get laid if he was that horny and couldn't take it. I've been there too...and unfortunately acted upon it when I probably shouldn't have. 

Live and learn, right?


----------



## RandomDude

The regret is useful, it turns you off interaction with the opposite sex for a while.

But meh, I'll give







a go


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Regardless, Sex if performed when your own core is in such disarray is underwhelming. I did it when I first divorced for fun with an old friend. Yeah, I released. It definitely wasn't worth it. Made me feel less of a person. 

I took some time, got my mind right, and became a dang beast because having sex or not really didn't matter to me. I just wanted to enjoy people. You would be surprised how many women come on to a relaxed, confident, non result oriented man in relationships, just want to have fun kind of guy.

Go out with that attitude, and guess what, they come to you. Seriously.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

RandomDude said:


> The regret is useful, it turns you off interaction with the opposite sex for a while.
> 
> But meh, I'll give
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> a go


I'm curious RD, what time is it where you are?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## RandomDude

4:44 am


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Regardless, *Sex if performed when your own core is in such disarray is underwhelming.* I did it when I first divorced for fun with an old friend. Yeah, I released. It definitely wasn't worth it. * Made me feel less of a person. *


:iagree:


----------



## RandomDude

I only want clarity of mind, nothing else


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

RandomDude said:


> 4:44 am


Holy crap dude, why aren't you in bed?


----------



## RandomDude

I already slept, straight after dinner, woke up at 1ish, and can't go back to bed. Besides I sleep 2x a day like a cat since seperation


----------



## Dedicated2Her

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Holy crap dude, why aren't you in bed?


He has sex problems. RD, I did a ton of trail running after my strength workouts. The trails really taxed my body much more than street running. That being said, I won't deny I had to get the pocket pu**y out more than once.


----------



## vi_bride04

LOL if you think getting laid will give you clarity of mind, think again.

You seem like a caring guy. Not one to really do the ONS stuff. So you probably do see having an emotional connection as important in intimate relations.

Having pure, raw physical sex can give you the physical release I think you are seeking but you have no idea the emotional backlash that will come from it. You will remember being close to someone, emotions will come up from the hurt that your ex put you through, it will make you long for someone who really does love you and care about you and treat you with respect. Even people who think they don't want that type of connection (i.e. me) these thoughts and emotions that come up really get complicated to deal with.


----------



## philglossop

The disadvantage of being single and bring someone back.....

I have to wash the sheets the morning after.

Nah- not interested. Have you seen the price of Washing Powder these days


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

vi_bride04 said:


> LOL if you think getting laid will give you clarity of mind, think again.
> 
> You seem like a caring guy. Not one to really do the ONS stuff. So you probably do see having an emotional connection as important in intimate relations.
> 
> Having pure, raw physical sex can give you the physical release I think you are seeking but you have no idea the emotional backlash that will come from it. You will remember being close to someone, emotions will come up from the hurt that your ex put you through, it will make you long for someone who really does love you and care about you and treat you with respect. Even people who think they don't want that type of connection (i.e. me) these thoughts and emotions that come up really get complicated to deal with.


Maybe a person just needs a ONS to really know this. Get it out of the system and realize it's not for you.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, I try to limit my cardio as I'm a hardgainer, I don't want to burn too many calories. I'm quite happy with how I am now, still pissed at losing my last 2 packs though (I'm back to 4, last 2 replaced by flab). Situps are a serious pain in the ass.

Well it's almost morning, I'll head out in an hour for a jog, no one around anyway. Maybe I'll run into your random jogging hottie too! :rofl:

... wait, see where my mind went? -.-
Bah! This is why I need to get laid, or something, oh well



vi_bride04 said:


> LOL if you think getting laid will give you clarity of mind, think again.
> 
> You seem like a caring guy. Not one to really do the ONS stuff. So you probably do see having an emotional connection as important in intimate relations.
> 
> Having pure, raw physical sex can give you the physical release I think you are seeking but you have no idea the emotional backlash that will come from it. You will remember being close to someone, emotions will come up from the hurt that your ex put you through, it will make you long for someone who really does love you and care about you and treat you with respect. Even people who think they don't want that type of connection (i.e. me) these thoughts and emotions that come up really get complicated to deal with.


Before marriage I was quite into it, I was an NSA guy after all. Though yes times have changed for 7-8 yrs relationship/marriage. I learnt how it feels like to actually make love to someone you actually give a sh-t about. Still, if feeling rotten and disgusted after kissing my recent date is any indication of how regret can turn me off the opposite sex -> I WANT IT


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

RandomDude said:


> Well, I try to limit my cardio as I'm a hardgainer, I don't want to burn too many calories. I'm quite happy with how I am now, still pissed at losing my last 2 packs though (I'm back to 4, last 2 replaced by flab). Situps are a serious pain in the ass.
> 
> Well it's almost morning, I'll head out in an hour for a jog, no one around anyway. Maybe I'll run into your random jogging hottie too! :rofl:
> 
> ... wait, see where my mind went? -.-
> Bah! This is why I need to get laid, or something, oh well
> 
> 
> 
> Before marriage I was quite into it, I was an NSA guy after all. Though yes times have changed for 7-8 yrs relationship/marriage. I learnt how it feels like to actually make love to someone you actually give a sh-t about. Still, if feeling rotten and disgusted after kissing my recent date is any indication of how regret can turn me off the opposite sex -> I WANT IT


Come on, you have to know that those abs are still there. Ab work is not going to remove the flab that hides them. Diet and cardio will.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Not all vaginas have as easy of a time as others...? Or want to...?
> 
> Of course, I don't think I've ever been out in public with an attitude of "I just really want to get laid"... nope, I definitely never have. So, I guess I really can't say if that's true or not.
> 
> Will I be giving that a shot anytime soon? Nope definitely not. Something about needing to put multiple layers of latex, chemicals, etc. between me and some unknown partner just to remain mostly safe makes me feel kinda squicky.


_`I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move one place on.'

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate._​
There's a lesson to be learned here: When it comes time to change places, don't be the last in line for a clean cup, or you'll end up with a dirty plate full of someone else's spilled milk.






Wait. What?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> _`I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: `let's all move one place on.'
> 
> He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate._​There's a lesson to be learned here: When it comes time to change places, don't be the last in line for a clean cup, or you'll end up with a dirty plate full of someone else's spilled milk.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wait. What?


OK. Now I feel even squickier.


----------



## Dollystanford

Anyone can get laid if they lower their standards enough


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> OK. Now I feel even squickier.


Exactly.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> me too, but I'm a fool and everyone knows it


I am a fool too! so don't feel bad


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> So he cheats and leaves you and now he's telling you that you need medication for depression? I'm sorry but f*ck him! The only thing you need is time without him.
> 
> But who knows, your doctor may be single and attractive and looking for someone like you.


Accurate except that I left. We wanted different things, he wanted to act single and I wanted to be married.

I do love being married, haha.


----------



## Disenchanted

if anyone wants to lower their standards ALL THE WAY just let me know


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> if anyone wants to lower their standards ALL THE WAY just let me know


You say the most outrageous things! I actually wonder if you would follow through on some of your statements.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



2galsmom said:


> I do not suggest lowering your standards Angelpixie.


Nope, don't go there, angel

Blah....


----------



## Pbartender

2galsmom said:


> I do not suggest lowering your standards Angelpixie.


:iagree:


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> You say the most outrageous things! I actually wonder if you would follow through on some of your statements.


yep I would


----------



## RandomDude

2galsmom said:


> You make me laugh so much RandomDude.






> You can lower your standards, every day you pass men who will F#$% you. You are fortunately oblivious to it if you had to ask your question. Hang in there and do not lower your standards.


Just turn around so you don't have to see their face, pretend they are someone else and just enjoy it


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Anyone can get laid if they lower their standards enough


Or with enough tequila.

A mere 5-6 shots. You'll be f*cking fat b!tches in no time!:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Accurate except that I left. We wanted different things, he wanted to act single and I wanted to be married.
> 
> I do love being married, haha.


I'm the same way. I consider myself a husband, even though I've been divorced for over a year now. Once you get used to that mindset it's nearly impossible to go back to being "single minded". I didn't even want to sell my wedding ring I loved wearing it so much. 

Seriously, I can't tell you how many women I've talked to IRL where I talk to them like I did my wife. I'm not playing games or trying to sneak a peak or get them into bed, I'm genuinely interested in what they have to say. Because they usually have a lot of interesting things to talk about. 

But It really freaked me out at first until it dawned on me that I was stupid an immature before, and women seem to love it when you listen. I guess second-hand spouses make the best company.:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

2galsmom said:


> The regret is useful.
> 
> I shall be thankful for it this Thanksgiving.


Well, I didn't complain about celibacy after kissing her did I? 
No! I complained about feeling rotten instead! 

Marine: My arm! I've been shot!
Major Payne: Let me take a look at that... Want me to show you a little trick? Take your mind off that arm? Give me your hand.
Now, you may feel a little... pressure.
*snaps finger*
Marine: Agh! My finger! My finger!
Major Payne: Work every time.

:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

My standards are still as high as ever. (Sorry, Dis) 

"Sex" just for the sake of physical release has never been that important to me. It's always been part of a relationship. It won't be just in a marriage relationship anymore, but it won't be ONS, that's for sure.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I'm the same way. I consider myself a husband, even though I've been divorced for over a year now. Once you get used to that mindset it's nearly impossible to go back to being "single minded". I didn't even want to sell my wedding ring I loved wearing it so much.
> 
> Seriously, I can't tell you how many women I've talked to IRL where I talk to them like I did my wife. I'm not playing games or trying to sneak a peak or get them into bed, I'm genuinely interested in what they have to say. Because they usually have a lot of interesting things to talk about.
> 
> But It really freaked me out at first until it dawned on me that I was stupid an immature before, and women seem to love it when you listen. I guess second-hand spouses make the best company.:smthumbup:


I have my wedding band in my keychain. I wanted to wear it on my thumb but it would not fit! I need to lose some weight.
I said I love being married, should have been Loved. 
But I keep my wedding band close to me as a reminder to never love too much. 
If I ever get married again (I am going to sound like a gold digger), it will be with someone financially secured and I will never give too much of myself again. He will know all of this, we will have a prenup. I hope it is the bitterness in me talking.

Yeah, women love attention.... such selfish biotches


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have my wedding band in my keychain. I wanted to wear it on my thumb but it would not fit! I need to lose some weight.
> I said I love being married, should have been Loved.
> But I keep my wedding band close to me as a reminder to never love too much.
> If I ever get married again (I am going to sound like a gold digger), it will be with someone financially secured and I will never give too much of myself again. He will know all of this, we will have a prenup. I hope it is the bitterness in me talking.
> 
> Yeah, women love attention.... such selfish biotches


You're just being bitter.:rofl: I said the same things myself... Although, a prenup is a good idea no matter what. Make sure to include a infidelity clause and it has to be video recorded and whatnot because they can claim signing it under duress (Or some bullsh!t IDK), at least that's what I've read.

Don't wear rings on your thumbs! Trust me, my mom was a jeweler for many years. The two tendons in your thumb will stretch out the metal and eventually break any rings you wear there. 

Plus, if I'm not mistaken, when a woman wears a thumb ring it means she's down for anal. Come to think of it, those women did have thumb rings... maybe that one's not so far off.:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I have my wedding band in my keychain. I wanted to wear it on my thumb but it would not fit! I need to lose some weight.
> I said I love being married, should have been Loved.
> But I keep my wedding band close to me as a reminder to never love too much.
> If I ever get married again (I am going to sound like a gold digger), it will be with someone financially secured and I will never give too much of myself again. He will know all of this, we will have a prenup. I hope it is the bitterness in me talking.
> 
> Yeah, women love attention.... such selfish biotches



Would you really keep your ring and still ware it on your thumb ?
l love my ring too , dunno what to do with it . l lost my real wedding ring but my W helped me pick this one years before and it was with us on our wedding day. So l replaced the lost one with this later .
lt was too big and in your face for a wedding ring really but it's just such a cool ring otherwise.
Just lately though l've thought keep it , still ware it even if it is on a different finger, am l insane , after what l've been through.
So l'm back to I do not know .


----------



## unsure78

Happy Thanksgiving All!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Paradise

unsure78 said:


> Happy Thanksgiving All!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep! We all have a lot to be thankful for!!! Happy thanksgiving to everyone!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Happy Thanksgiving angel!


----------



## Disenchanted

Happy Thanksgiving my fellow TAM singles!

I'm thankful to have my kids with me today. The three of us are going to whoop it up with some sparkling cider and a ton of food. I am even cooking some evil evil carbs!

Going to do my usual and barbeque the turkey. Brined it this year for the first time, so we'll see. It should come out super moist and tender.

Sorry to hear about the standards thing AP. And as far as not wanting sex just for the sake of sex, I wish there were more women like you. All they seem to want from me is my body. I don't understand, considering what a beautiful mind I have.

MUAHAHAHHAHAH


----------



## angelpixie

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope everyone is doing well. Even if the holiday is not the way you wish it was, it can still be good. Connect with someone you care about -- that's what's great about a second chance: we can choose who we spend holidays with. For some of us that means we're not stuck with crazy or nasty exes (and by extension, their crazy or nasty family members ) -- definitely something to be thankful for!!! :smthumbup:

And, since this is the Singles thread, here's hoping that (those of us who want to) will have someone special to spend it with. If not this year, then next year. (That disclaimer was for you, 2 gals  )


----------



## ne9907

Happy Thanksgiving all!~ Morning began great, my biscuits and gravy were delish!!!

I have "Alouette" song in my head... maybe I am stressing out


----------



## angelpixie

ne9907 said:


> Happy Thanksgiving all!~ Morning began great, my biscuits and gravy were delish!!!
> 
> I have "Alouette" song in my head... maybe I am stressing out


Until last week's Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me, I never knew (or, I confess, really cared) what Alouette was about. 

Alouette (song) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## philglossop

Happy Thanksgiving my American Chums. Sounds much more fun compared to our Bonfire Night on 5th the November!

Hope everyone has a peaceful and lovely day with the people you care about!


----------



## RandomDude

I dreamt of my wife coming to kill me, wait - maybe it's a premonition! =O

Heh and we don't celebrate thanksgiving down here - probably why we're all unappreciative bastards the lot of us  
But thanks for the global wishes, and same to you I guess


----------



## muskrat

Hello everyone, just passing through to wish everyone a happy and safe thanksgiving.


----------



## vi_bride04

......I'm.....sooooooooo........full................

Happy Turkey day everyone


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Happy Thanksgiving my TAM singles fam!


----------



## Nsweet

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving.



I could have done without my cousins 17yo girlfriend eyef*cking me.


----------



## Disenchanted

poor guy sniff sniff


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving.
> 
> 
> 
> I could have done without my cousins 17yo girlfriend eyef*cking me.


Now I want to see a picture?


----------



## Disenchanted

It's Thanksgiving, doesn't that mean we're all in a giving mood? Hey ne9907, pic?


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> poor guy sniff sniff


Dude she was like 16 or 17, if that! 

I'm not about to go to jail over some skinny white chick with green eyes. And I'm not even going to begin on how wrong it would be to screw my cousin's girl. 

IDK maybe it was the whole attitude thing and the way I was dressed. I look like a bad boy in rocker wear with long hair. I have A bunch of those shirts with Sailor Jerry and other devilish women on them. The shirts my exes just love to steal!

It could also be my voice. Either I'm coming down with something or I woke up with a lower voice that makes everything I say sound a little sexier. "Pass the salt" sounded a lot like "what are you wearing" today.:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

I get ya brother! Happy Thanksgiving Nsweet!


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> I get ya brother! Happy Thanksgiving Nsweet!


Happy Thanks Giving Disenchanted.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Happy Thanks Giving Disenchanted.


Thats MISTER Disenchanted 

LOL


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats MISTER Disenchanted
> 
> LOL


I'm developing the biggest fvcking crush ever


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> It's Thanksgiving, doesn't that mean we're all in a giving mood? Hey ne9907, pic?


my avatar is my picture. I also posted one on another thread but since deleted it.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> *my avatar is my picture.* I also posted one on another thread but since deleted it.


Same here 
Happy TG everyone


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> my avatar is my picture. I also posted one on another thread but since deleted it.


you can do better


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> I'm developing the biggest fvcking crush ever


I am pretty awesome


----------



## Lyris

Hey here are my favourite TAMmers, hi angel, Dolly, Nsweet! And none of my TAMnemeses.

I might hang around if that's okay.


----------



## Dollystanford

As long as you don't cramp my style

Hey NSweet, any chance your cousin's gf knows you can suck your own c*ck?


----------



## Lyris

I live to cramp your style


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, Lyris! You can hang out here anytime. As the old line goes, we don't bite -- unless that's the way you want it.   

And I don't know about cramping Dolly's style -- she's sexyand intimidating.


----------



## Dollystanford

That's just my clothes

Personality? P*ssy cat. Mrow


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Dude she was like 16 or 17, if that!
> 
> I'm not about to go to jail over some skinny white chick with green eyes. And I'm not even going to begin on how wrong it would be to screw my cousin's girl.
> 
> IDK maybe it was the whole attitude thing and the way I was dressed. I look like a bad boy in rocker wear with long hair. I have A bunch of those shirts with Sailor Jerry and other devilish women on them. The shirts my exes just love to steal!
> 
> It could also be my voice. Either I'm coming down with something or I woke up with a lower voice that makes everything I say sound a little sexier. "Pass the salt" sounded a lot like "what are you wearing" today.:rofl:



Hey don't be dissing the skinny girls with green eyes...LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> I dreamt of my wife coming to kill me, wait - maybe it's a premonition! =O
> 
> Heh and we don't celebrate thanksgiving down here - probably why we're all unappreciative bastards the lot of us
> But thanks for the global wishes, and same to you I guess



Nothin like a hot dream :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Lyris said:


> Hey here are my favourite TAMmers, hi angel, Dolly, Nsweet! And none of my TAMnemeses.
> 
> I might hang around if that's okay.


OMG Lyris is back!

Hi Lyris, how are you?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Hey NSweet, any chance your cousin's gf knows you can suck your own c*ck?


Hey listen, there are a lot of things my family doesn't need to know about me, and I would rather they not send me to straight camp or some hardcore Baptist church thing for sexual reprogramming. 

They already know I pierced my tongue (but no one said anything about it), they think I'm an aspie (which is kinda cool because I nobody says anything if I do anything strange), and they suspect I might be gay but no one has confronted me about it so far. 

I don't think my mom has told them anything she's caught me doing, but they would be pissed if they knew only half of the depraved stuff I have done or still do. My family just loves to gossip too, so I pray that never happens. 

And baby that yoga thing I used to do was in high school. It's much easier finding a nice young woman, taking her out to dinner, telling her everything she wants to hear but "I love you" and "you're pretty", and having her do that for me.... with reciprocation of course.


----------



## Soveryalone

hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving  this being single thing was fun for a little while but its getting old really quickly, I am 37 years old and I honestly feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life ( from an emotional point of view) however when I think about it logically the odds of me being alone for life are extremely low. Anyways I survived my first major holiday as a single person, hopefully by next thanksgiving I will be lucky enough to have that special someone in my life, someone to love me someone to care someone to yell at me for not carving the turkey correctly , god I miss being yelled at so much


----------



## angelpixie

Aww, SVA, the first one is always tough. But, as I've seen this year, it definitely gets better. You're going to hate me for saying this, but be patient. Just keep working on yourself, living your life, and things will get better. Don't try to force it on your schedule. 

And, for heaven's sake, don't go looking for someone just to have a woman to yell at you -- set your sights higher than that!!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Aww, SVA, the first one is always tough. But, as I've seen this year, it definitely gets better. You're going to hate me for saying this, but be patient. Just keep working on yourself, living your life, and things will get better. Don't try to force it on your schedule.
> 
> And, for heaven's sake, don't go looking for someone just to have a woman to yell at you -- set your sights higher than that!!


Agreed. You find the right woman.... and you wait for her to yell at you. Trust me, it's worth it. All women yell, but when you've found the right woman it's like music to your ears.:rofl:


----------



## Soveryalone

lol, indeed , ye I am focused on doing well at work which seems to be going pretty smoothly and finishing my masters degree, so that's a good thing, its just so mind boggling at times I literally feel like I am starting life over again, from being in a new state, to making new friends , its quite strange and it gets overwhelming at times but I guess in the end it will all pay off, after being with someone for 12 years I really lost touch with my friends , that combined with all of them being married and having families so I feel alone pretty much nonstop which I guess is a normal feeling to have considering the circumstances. I just don't wanna end up being "that guy" whatever the male version of a cat lady is


----------



## Nsweet

You can still be close to your married friends and spend time with them SVA. It's just there are certain rules and their family always comes first. 

You can't go out drinking and spend too much time together if it's going to get him in trouble, and no strip clubs or anything like that. But I bet you could find something to do together with your married guy friend and their kids without spending a whole lot or drinking. 

It's different with friend's wives and committed women though. You want to keep your distance and separate yourself from becoming a possible affair. Certainly no house visits or time alone when their husbands or boyfriends aren't there. But anything else, all the things you would do with your male friends you can do with them too. 

The only thing that really sucks about married friends that I've noticed is sometimes you go for weeks or months without hearing from them, because they have their own lives and problems and such, and it sucks not hearing from them. But that's the way it goes and you hear from them when you hear from them, and so long as you're not a d!ck or a debbie downer they're always happy to talk to you.


----------



## Soveryalone

yea that's true, I am currently living about 4 hours north of where I grew up where most of my old friends are, other than my online friends who I have seemed to lose touch with as well lol I have just come to the conclusion that I am really really horrible at maintaining relationships of any kind, hey at least I know this for future reference and can make some changes


----------



## Nsweet

Soveryalone said:


> yea that's true, I am currently living about 4 hours north of where I grew up where most of my old friends are, other than my online friends who I have seemed to lose touch with as well lol *I have just come to the conclusion that I am really really horrible at maintaining relationships of any kind*, hey at least I know this for future reference and can make some changes


Unhealthy relationships maybe.


----------



## Lyris

Hi Nsweet. Do you have a girlfriend yet?


----------



## Nsweet

Lyris said:


> Hi Nsweet. Do you have a girlfriend yet?


Not yet.


----------



## ne9907

Soveryalone said:


> yea that's true, I am currently living about 4 hours north of where I grew up where most of my old friends are, other than my online friends who I have seemed to lose touch with as well lol I have just come to the conclusion that I am really really horrible at maintaining relationships of any kind, hey at least I know this for future reference and can make some changes


We gain insight as we get older. Are you happy with not being able to maintain relationships of any kind? Is this really you taking or could it be your ex?

Whatever the case, once you find out what makes you happy you will become that person. I am sure that if you want to be have plenty of friends you will and if you want to be alone that is okay too.
Btw, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being the cat lady


----------



## ne9907

There seems to be a high rate of people asking for dating advice, or maybe I am just noticing it. 
I am NOT divorced yet but I would totally feel like I am cheating on ex if I were to begin dating. Therefore, I am not dating yet. Dating is such a drag anyway.
I have been researching activity clubs in my current city and I am deciding between "Central Valley Ladies", "The new writing club", or "Southern Sierra Hiking Club"
Maybe all of them??


----------



## DADX2

Im in phoenix az with 2 boys. I recently started talkin gto a girl who we became very close as friends. But becuase a x boyfriend who treated her like crap and wont leave her alone its hard for her to move to the next friendship. We had a great connection and had a alot in common. She wants to put our friendship on hold till she can clear her head. So back to the starting block for me unless this friendship restarts and blossoms. very frustrating.


----------



## ne9907

> But becuase a x boyfriend who treated her like crap and wont leave her alone


That's what she said....

Sorry couldn't help it 

Make more friends, join activity clubs, meet more people and good luck!

Phoenix is a big and beautiful place!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> There seems to be a high rate of people asking for dating advice, or maybe I am just noticing it.
> I am NOT divorced yet but I would totally feel like I am cheating on ex if I were to begin dating. Therefore, I am not dating yet. Dating is such a drag anyway.
> I have been researching activity clubs in my current city and I am deciding between "Central Valley Ladies", "The new writing club", or "Southern Sierra Hiking Club"
> Maybe all of them??


Or none of them. You don't have to choose between these three, you can find more options out there. 

Based on my experience, anything physical is a plus... but going to a club never felt right. You just feel odd dancing with a stranger after being so faithful. It feels like cheating.

There are slightly more options open for women, although the actual meet up groups for the betrayed or divorced can go either way. Some of them like to talk about their hurts and almost compete, while others are more about moving on and having fun. 

You know you could also just not say anything and start over with a clean slate with a new group without being "the divorced lady".


----------



## Nsweet

DADX2 said:


> Im in phoenix az with 2 boys. I recently started talkin gto a girl who we became very close as friends. But becuase a x boyfriend who treated her like crap and wont leave her alone its hard for her to move to the next friendship. We had a great connection and had a alot in common. She wants to put our friendship on hold till she can clear her head. So back to the starting block for me unless this friendship restarts and blossoms. very frustrating.


Did you agree with her, or fight her decision? Because this situation has it's own 180 and chasing only pushes them away.


----------



## DADX2

Nsweet said:


> Did you agree with her, or fight her decision? Because this situation has it's own 180 and chasing only pushes them away.


That is my thought is do a revised form of 180?


----------



## Nsweet

DADX2 said:


> That is my thought is do a revised form of 180?


It's a lot easier than that. If she says something like "I'm not ready for a relationship yet". You say "I agree" and tell her why but with a positive spin on it. Tell her "I don't want to ruin a good thing", or that "while I'd like to get to know her better I can understand what you're going through" and then wish her the best. 

Unfortunately, you may have to let this one go for a while. Maybe call her in a few months to say hi and see how things are going. She'll probably have a boyfriend, but if not you can catch up and take it slow. Don't get too attached to the one that got away before you knew her. 

The point here I'm trying to make. Get used to agreeing. Whenever a woman thinks you're chasing and says no, you agree and back out of the chase. It completely throws women off because they're so used to having to reject and keep their guard up that a lot of them aren't used to losing that power and actually having a man listen to them. 

Works well for sex too. She says no to going all the way after kissing in bed, I say "ok", put my pants on, and watch tv without touching her or looking at her. Minutes later she's willing to reconsider. It works equally well for men to, ladies.


----------



## Another Planet

It throws women off because you are playing the same game they are playing and it surprises them. Fk that **** man! If its no then its no, if its yes then its yes. Screw that passive aggressive BS.
Don't go out to watch TV and "wait for her" to come out back to you, just leave!


----------



## DADX2

Nsweet said:


> It's a lot easier than that. If she says something like "I'm not ready for a relationship yet". You say "I agree" and tell her why but with a positive spin on it. Tell her "I don't want to ruin a good thing", or that "while I'd like to get to know her better I can understand what you're going through" and then wish her the best.
> 
> Unfortunately, you may have to let this one go for a while. Maybe call her in a few months to say hi and see how things are going. She'll probably have a boyfriend, but if not you can catch up and take it slow. Don't get too attached to the one that got away before you knew her.
> 
> The point here I'm trying to make. Get used to agreeing. Whenever a woman thinks you're chasing and says no, you agree and back out of the chase. It completely throws women off because they're so used to having to reject and keep their guard up that a lot of them aren't used to losing that power and actually having a man listen to them.
> 
> Works well for sex too. She says no to going all the way after kissing in bed, I say "ok", put my pants on, and watch tv without touching her or looking at her. Minutes later she's willing to reconsider. It works equally well for men to, ladies.


Thats pretty much what I did I used all the great advice I learned on here. Offered my support when she needs but left it up her to contact me when she is ready. Her response " your amazing i wish i was strong like you, you deserve better I need to get myself right?" I gave her advice to that comment and said I deserve to love myself and be happy as do you and told her I will be her friend when she is ready till then take care of her self.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> It throws women off because you are playing the same game they are playing and it surprises them. Fk that **** man! If its no then its no, if its yes then its yes. Screw that passive aggressive BS.
> Don't go out to watch TV and "wait for her" to come out back to you, just leave!


HAHA, this actually had me Laughing Out Loud!

We are evil creatures... bend on world domination one penis at the time! just kidding.


----------



## DADX2

Nsweet said:


> Did you agree with her, or fight her decision? Because this situation has it's own 180 and chasing only pushes them away.


I agreed with her decsion. So I offered my support advice and said Ill be your friend when your ready. We were supposed to meet up sunday and she was afraid if we did we would start something and she is not ready which I agree with. She needs time to heal than whoever she picks up the phone and talks is what it is. I plan to go 180 to give her time


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> HAHA, this actually had me Laughing Out Loud!
> 
> We are evil creatures... bend on world domination one penis at the time! just kidding.


LOL yeah I'm probably in one of those moods and should isolate myself from humanity tonight. 
Anything I say/type tonight you guys just take it as that's me being me, I really don't mean any harm


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> It throws women off because you are playing the same game they are playing and it surprises them. Fk that **** man! If its no then its no, if its yes then its yes. Screw that passive aggressive BS.
> Don't go out to watch TV and "wait for her" to come out back to you, just leave!


You can scoff at this and try to analyze how it's alpha/beta, passive-aggressive, playing games, or whatever. But this sh!t works every time! And on more than just dating and sex. Because people can't stand to win without a fight or some form of resistance. 

And if you think I'm kidding, try this one on for size. "I'm not kissing you. I think you're really interesting, but we just met and I don't do that sort of thing."


:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

I agree Nsweet. It does work on more than dating and sex. It is part of life, human nature.

I am in a silly, laughing mood tonight, so I am good


----------



## DADX2

Nsweet said:


> Did you agree with her, or fight her decision? Because this situation has it's own 180 and chasing only pushes them away.


One thing I may add as soon as this guy got wind we were talking he really started interveing. Tearing her down through text messages etc nightly. Then he came to get his stuff today from her she basically told him dont call dont text etc im talking to someone else. Then not a few hrs later he pushed all her buttons he knew he could even using her kid against her about how this is hurting her kid. So you can imagine how this tore her up and did not want me to caught in the middle. So she had to pull all the emotional connections away to protect herself which I get. So like I said back off let her breath and see what happens meanwhile move on.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet I get the vibe you are younger, like early 20's maybe mid? Let me know if I'm wrong.


----------



## Nsweet

DADX2 said:


> One thing I may add as soon as this guy got wind we were talking he really started interveing. Tearing her down through text messages etc nightly. Then he came to get his stuff today from her she basically told him dont call dont text etc im talking to someone else. Then not a few hrs later he pushed all her buttons he knew he could even using her kid against her about how this is hurting her kid. So you can imagine how this tore her up and did not want me to caught in the middle. So she had to pull all the emotional connections away to protect herself which I get. So like I said back off let her breath and see what happens meanwhile move on.


Wait! Hold on! STOP! 

Did that make you want to saddle your trusty steed and ride in to save her day? Because if it did you're nowhere near ready to date. Because chances are if she appears to be the sweet and innocent little victim to this dastardly and evil ex boyfriend, you couldn't be further from the truth. 

The women who sleep with jerks, like sleeping with jerks. And you have no idea what's really going on until you know her. For all you know she could be a severely damaged borderline (waif, witch, queen, or hermit) and the rage attacks you saw were froma man who used to be just like you until she needled that side out of him and dumped him all of a sudden.

Check out the stories on Shrink4men.com if you doubt me. Those women are out there, and often times it's the ones you feel pity for and want to rescue or the ones you feel fear and intimidation from, those women, those are the ones that are a real nightmare to deal with in and out of the relationship. 

Just never ever EVER get involved with a woman (or man for the ladies on here) whom you feel sorry for. Real adults don't use pity stories as date-bait, and real mature adults don't want you to step in and clean up their messes.


----------



## ne9907

[QUOTEJust never ever EVER get involved with a woman (or man for the ladies on here) whom you feel sorry for. Real adults don't use pity stories as date-bait, and real mature adults don't want you to step in and clean up their messes. ][/QUOTE]

:iagree:


----------



## DADX2

Nsweet said:


> Wait! Hold on! STOP!
> 
> Did that make you want to saddle your trusty steed and ride in to save her day? Because if it did you're nowhere near ready to date. Because chances are if she appears to be the sweet and innocent little victim to this dastardly and evil ex boyfriend, you couldn't be further from the truth.
> 
> The women who sleep with jerks, like sleeping with jerks. And you have no idea what's really going on until you know her. For all you know she could be a severely damaged borderline (waif, witch, queen, or hermit) and the rage attacks you saw were froma man who used to be just like you until she needled that side out of him and dumped him all of a sudden.
> 
> Check out the stories on Shrink4men.com if you doubt me. Those women are out there, and often times it's the ones you feel pity for and want to rescue or the ones you feel fear and intimidation from, those women, those are the ones that are a real nightmare to deal with in and out of the relationship.
> 
> Just never ever EVER get involved with a woman (or man for the ladies on here) whom you feel sorry for. Real adults don't use pity stories as date-bait, and real mature adults don't want you to step in and clean up their messes.


No this all did not come up till about 3 days ago when he intereviend and texted her. We were fine till he swopped in, we were asking alot of get to know you questions.


----------



## Nsweet

DADX2 said:


> No this all did not come up till about 3 days ago when he intereviend and texted her. We were fine till he swopped in, we were asking alot of get to know you questions.


Sounds like she's not completely over him either.

Either way, just cut your losses and move on. There are more pretty, interesting, and available women out there for you.

And sorry for jumping to conclusions. I'm quick to warn about those girls because I used to go after the damaged goods myself. You don't want those women, they turn you into the very exes they cried onto your shoulder about.


----------



## unsure78

I would like to announce that im most likely getting laid tonight, i have high expectations of killer hat ....   
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> I would like to announce that im most likely getting laid tonight, i have high expectations of killer hat ....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How did it go? Were there fireworks?

Btw I just watched Talladega nights and I now have a big crush on Gary Cole!! He is just hot


----------



## RandomDude

I'm still celibate and grumpy, and worse now because my wife won't sign the papers. *sigh*


----------



## howardmyduck

_Posted via Mobile Device_that's why men should have their own birth control. Out of my fail marriage, at least I got a vasectomy so that I don't have to worry about psycho chicks


----------



## unsure78

WOW just WOW... yea killer hat was impressive
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> WOW just WOW... yea killer hat was impressive
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Details?


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet
Is that you in the avatar?


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Nsweet
> Is that you in the avatar?


Maybe.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> wow just wow... Yea killer hat was impressive
> _posted via mobile device_


DISH!! :d


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Details?


Yeah unsure...I'm trying to live vicariously through other peoples dating experiences lol


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> DISH!! :d





vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah unsure...I'm trying to live vicariously through other peoples dating experiences lol


Good luck getting anything out of her. She's a classy lady who never kisses and tells. But if she did tell me and I were to say anything about it here, it would be "WOW" was right!:rofl:

I still want to hear what Dolly's experiences are like. She strikes me as a very charming classy woman up front and a rough rider in the sheets.


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> I still want to hear what Dolly's experiences are like. She strikes me as a very charming classy woman up front and a rough rider in the sheets.


My sexy new hat - amazing sexual chemistry. Like unreal. Six times a day, for six days solid. And that was just actual sex part. Yeah baby. Yeah.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> My sexy new hat - amazing sexual chemistry. Like unreal. Six times a day, for six days solid. And that was just actual sex part. Yeah baby. Yeah.


Dolly, why do I picture you breaking into a song and dance routine from Mary Poppins about now?

Maybe a spoon full of sugar makes the "medicine" go down, or anything can happen.:rofl: 

Because you're British and classy.:smthumbup::rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

oh there was nothing classy about it


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> oh there was nothing classy about it


Why? Dolly, do you curse and use a lot of British slang in bed? Like do you say.... shyte, box or muff, and ask men to slap your arse?:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

I say my good man, I would be most grateful for a good teabagging


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I say my good man, I would be most grateful for a good teabagging


Dolly please voicearoo this! Please.ray:


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> I say my good man, I would be most grateful for a good teabagging


Do you prefer one lump, or two?


----------



## angelpixie

*Checks calendar* Hmm, I thought this was Missionary Monday. I guess not. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Girl, it's missionary nothing most Mondays for me.
The sad state of my bed affairs is getting depressing.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, tbh, JB, same here. Just because the calendar says it, it doesn't mean it's happening at my house, lol. And that was true for well over 2 1/2 years. But don't give up hope. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Please send some sex fairy dust my way. 

I thought I met a candidate... but he has disappeared after a few dates with nary a word. Dammit. I was going to do bad things to him and to be honest, my ego is hurt that he just faded away. At least I got some good kissing in.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Please send some sex fairy dust my way.
> 
> I thought I met a candidate... but he has disappeared after a few dates with nary a word. Dammit. I was going to do bad things to him and to be honest, my ego is hurt that he just faded away. At least I got some good kissing in.


 sorry Jelly


----------



## Jellybeans

Eh, it happens. I think he just wasn't that into me or perhaps involved with someone else (though we didn't discuss that). I thought we had good chemistry and since we went out several times I thought he was into me but maybe I read him wrong. I know eventually I will meet someone and have sex. And I will be so happy that day. When though? Dammit? WHEN?! LOL


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Eh, it happens. I think he just wasn't that into me or perhaps involved with someone else (though we didn't discuss that). I thought we had good chemistry and since we went out several times I thought he was into me but maybe I read him wrong. I know eventually I will meet someone and have sex. And I will be so happy that day. When though? Dammit? WHEN?! LOL


Sorry JB.  Same thing happened to me with Mr NoChem. Now I just have to make myself stop having hot, amazing sex with him. "As friends!" GAH.


----------



## hope4family

Whats this bed and sex you ladies speak of? 

Been about 1 year and 4 months.

I hope everyone experiences "their moment" soon.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry JB.  Same thing happened to me with Mr NoChem. Now I just have to make myself stop having hot, amazing sex with him. "As friends!" GAH.


Um, so you know I am going to 2x4 you, right? I thought you cut him off--the contact? WHY are you still sleeping with him??? 

3X, you must stop this NOW!!!



hope4family said:


> Whats this bed and sex you ladies speak of?
> 
> Been about 1 year and 4 months.
> 
> I hope everyone experiences "their moment" soon.


Haha. Perhaps we can start a support group!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Um, so you know I am going to 2x4 you, right? I thought you cut him off--the contact? WHY are you still sleeping with him???
> 
> 3X, you must stop this NOW!!!


I knew that was coming, I ducked when I typed!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

She can have a boy-toy if she wants


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry JB.  Same thing happened to me with Mr NoChem. Now I just have to make myself stop having hot, amazing sex with him. "As friends!" GAH.


Hey good sex is hard to give up... hmm i just hope my killer hat good sex stays around for a while... but you never know what they are thinking 

oh and in honor of what an excellent job he did this weekend im temporarily re-posting his pics in my private album...enjoy


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Perhaps we can start a support group!


I read this like I do most fortune cookies and put the "in bed" after it. 

I'm silly like that.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I knew that was coming, I ducked when I typed!


Hehe. You know me well! Glad ya ducked! Cause I threw it at you fast!



hope4family said:


> I read this like I do most fortune cookies and put the "in bed" after it.
> 
> I'm silly like that.


I do this, too!!! Hahahahaha! It makes the fortunes sound so much more interesting/funny!


----------



## hope4family

On that note, my favorite back to back no kidding fortune cookies.


----------



## vi_bride04

3x....I hope you are just enjoying the sex and thats it...don't be getting your emotions all tied up into that guy...

But I know you liked him before even engaging and sex will bring those emotions to the forefront. Sex is a bonding act, especially hot sex and once someone develops feelings, the NSA thing kinda goes out the window and someone always gets hurt. I don't think it will be him


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> 3x....I hope you are just enjoying the sex and thats it...don't be getting your emotions all tied up into that guy...
> 
> But I know you liked him before even engaging and sex will bring those emotions to the forefront. Sex is a bonding act, especially hot sex and once someone develops feelings, the NSA thing kinda goes out the window and someone always gets hurt. I don't think it will be him


Yeah, too late. Thats why JB 2x4's me! I am sabotaging myself but cant seem to let go of him like I know I need to!


----------



## vi_bride04

At least you know you are sabotaging yourself...better than thinking you will get him to fall in love with you 

I sabotage myself too so I'm not going to give you a hard time. I'm scared to cut the emotional cord and just won't right now. Even though I probably should for my well being. But I'm just not ready.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> At least you know you are sabotaging yourself...better than thinking you will get him to fall in love with you


:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> At least you know you are sabotaging yourself...better than thinking you will get him to fall in love with you
> 
> I sabotage myself too so I'm not going to give you a hard time. I'm scared to cut the emotional cord and just won't right now. Even though I probably should for my well being. But I'm just not ready.


Well THANK GOODNESS someone relates! :smthumbup: This is EXACTLY where I am at with things.

And I know I cannot "get him" to fall in love with me, that's all on him! It is either meant to happen or its not. Am I hoping it does? Damn right!


----------



## ne9907

> And I know I cannot "get him" to fall in love with me, that's all on him! It is either meant to happen or its not. Am I hoping it does? Damn right!
> Share
> Share this post on Share on Facebook
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> Add to del.icio.us!
> Reddit!
> | Like | Talk with a live online counselor, take 25% Off


The romantic in me wishes that he will fall in love with you 

The bitter woman wants to tell you about the first time I fell in love...

But the Romantic in me always wins... so Wishing he falls for you!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

3x... hope is always the last thing to die.
You really have to stop doing this to yourself. 
Right now you are his booty call... I know you don't want to hear that but this is how it is w/ him.
GRRRRRRRRRRRR


----------



## hope4family

You can't be someone elses booty call & fall for someone else at the same time. 

Well you can, but that doesn't sound like a sure thing in my head.


----------



## Jellybeans

I think men are like women (men, please confirm or tell me I am wrong)--but once a guy has put you in the booty call category and told you he's not into you, it's unlikely to change...

For me as a woman, if I am not into a guy it's likely I won't be...in the future.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh man, she's growling at me now...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> The romantic in me wishes that he will fall in love with you
> 
> The bitter woman wants to tell you about the first time I fell in love...
> 
> But the Romantic in me always wins... so Wishing he falls for you!!!


THANK you ne!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Well THANK GOODNESS someone relates! :smthumbup: This is EXACTLY where I am at with things.
> 
> And I know I cannot "get him" to fall in love with me, that's all on him! It is either meant to happen or its not. Am I hoping it does? Damn right!


Well its only all emotion. Physical can't happen (long distance) so at least I don't have that screwing with my head too. 

But the emotional connection is enough. And so tough to break. Even more when I don't want to break it b/c they are pretty much the closest person in my life. I have limited contact quite a bit and have tried focusing on making new friends or whatever but nothing helps....I click with him...plain and simple. And I don't want the friendship to end.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh man, she's growling at me now...


Sorry.  I just don't want you to get hurt, 3X. 

::Hugs and apologies if I sounded mean::


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry.  I just don't want you to get hurt, 3X.
> 
> ::Hugs and apologies if I sounded mean::


You didnt, no worries! Just funnin' ya!


----------



## hope4family

vi_bride04 said:


> Well its only all emotion. Physical can't happen (long distance) so at least I don't have that screwing with my head too.
> 
> But the emotional connection is enough. And so tough to break. Even more when I don't want to break it b/c they are pretty much the closest person in my life. I have limited contact quite a bit and have tried focusing on making new friends or whatever but nothing helps....I click with him...plain and simple. And I don't want the friendship to end.


So you are friends or does he think you are friends? Which is it?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I think men are like women (men, please confirm or tell me I am wrong)--but once a guy has put you in the booty call category and told you he's not into you, it's unlikely to change...
> 
> For me as a woman, if I am not into a guy it's likely I won't be...in the future.


I can't, I just don't have it in me to do the booty call thing to anyone so if I have sex with someone I already have something going on for them.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> So you are friends or does he think you are friends? Which is it?


We are friends. 

It was romantic up until about Aug.


----------



## hope4family

vi_bride04 said:


> We are friends.
> 
> It was romantic up until about Aug.


I see. 

I have a friend like that. I send her a message once in a while. 

If there was no distance my infatuation would be terrible. But it is what it is. 

Time to find a better one locally.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I think men are like women (men, please confirm or tell me I am wrong)--but *once a guy has put you in the booty call category and told you he's not into you, it's unlikely to change...*
> 
> For me as a woman, if I am not into a guy it's likely I won't be...in the future.


Haven't you heard of the 180 by now? It works the exact same for dating too!

Here's how it goes, you meet someone and fall in "infatuation" (not real love) and you push to get close too fast. Once you have sex the chase is over and that's why a lot of men, and women too, will stop chasing you. That's when you're either dumped abruptly, gently let go, or turned into a booty call.

The way you turn this around before it's too late is by having self respect and not letting them rewrite the rules on your relationship. You know what I mean, he/she thinks you should just be friends, a booty call, or they tell you that they don't see anything with you after you didn't do anything wrong but have sex too soon. You're basically a BS to a cheating spouse by then.

The easiest way to stop that using your self respect is to go NC and stop chasing them when they start backing out. It would have been better if you made them work a little harder for sex and took things slower, but now that the infatuation is over the only way you'll earn their attention and respect is by not chasing after someone who doesn't want you. 

And a lot of guys get weirded out after they finally get the sex they've been chasing after and you give them as much as they want. They lose respect for you and start looking for another woman and difficult challenge. If that ever happens just follow the 180 like you did before and START DATING OTHER PEOPLE! Seriously, you lovely women are too old to be lusting after one guy like you're in high school.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



hope4family said:


> Time to find a better one locally.


That's what I've been told by people IRL....

I just know I'm not ready yet so why bother looking.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Haven't you heard of the 180 by now? It works the exact same for dating too!
> 
> Here's how it goes, you meet someone and fall in "infatuation" (not real love) and you push to get close too fast. Once you have sex the chase is over and that's why a lot of men, and women too, will stop chasing you. That's when you're either dumped abruptly, gently let go, or turned into a booty call.
> 
> The way you turn this around before it's too late is by having self respect and not letting them rewrite the rules on your relationship. You know what I mean, he/she thinks you should just be friends, a booty call, or they tell you that they don't see anything with you after you didn't do anything wrong but have sex too soon. You're basically a BS to a cheating spouse by then.
> 
> The easiest way to stop that using your self respect is to go NC and stop chasing them when they start backing out. It would have been better if you made them work a little harder for sex and took things slower, but now that the infatuation is over the only way you'll earn their attention and respect is by not chasing after someone who doesn't want you.
> 
> And a lot of guys get weirded out after they finally get the sex they've been chasing after and you give them as much as they want. They lose respect for you and start looking for another woman and difficult challenge. If that ever happens just follow the 180 like you did before and START DATING OTHER PEOPLE! Seriously, you lovely women are too old to be lusting after one guy like you're in high school.


Thanks for posting this Nsweet! I have been wondering about this, if pulling a NC 180 had a chance of turning things around for me. I know I have been going about this the wrong way, and now I look needy.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks for posting this Nsweet! I have been wondering about this, if pulling a NC 180 had a chance of turning things around for me. I know I have been going about this the wrong way, and now I look needy.


If you're expecting to 180 and pull one man back, you're going to be very disappointed. You have to date other people and keep your options open so you're not fixating on just him and winning him back. Bring the challenge back to the dating game!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> If you're expecting to 180 and pull one man back, you're going to be very disappointed. You have to date other people and keep your options open so you're not fixating on just him and winning him back. Bring the challenge back to the dating game!


I have been trying, but I feel like the couple of guys I have gone out with havent gotten a fair shake because of my feelings for this one.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been trying, but I feel like the couple of guys I have gone out with havent gotten a fair shake because of my feelings for this one.


I believe you just found your answer out.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I believe you just found your answer out.


I did?? :scratchhead: I'm not seeing it...


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I can't, I just don't have it in me to do the booty call thing to anyone so if I have sex with someone I already have something going on for them.


Hope one day, I will find a man who thinks like you do!


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been trying, but I feel like the couple of guys I have gone out with havent gotten a fair shake because of my feelings for this one.





3Xnocharm said:


> I did?? :scratchhead: I'm not seeing it...


You got a case of the fog girl!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> You got a case of the fog girl!


Damn.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been trying, but I feel like the couple of guys I have gone out with havent gotten a fair shake because of my feelings for this one.


You want an answer you won't forget, in four words. 

DATE OTHERS, DON'T ARGUE!

There you go. 

You're not giving these other men a chance because you're not over your previous ex, and you're so in love with him because you're not over your divorce yet. Those feelings and fears don't go away if you don't deal with them, they just get carried over to the next relationship. The same thing happens with cheaters who divorce their faithful spouses for another man and then get dumped by the OM and experience depression twice as bad. 

If you never learned to like yourself and be comfortable being single, you're going to fall hard and fast and get your heart broken by any man who tells you what you want to hear and makes you feel good. Then you're going to be stuck on him and non-responsive to anyone else because you miss the high he gave you and your ego is a little bruised. It actually has less to do with being with that person and more to do with feeling hurt and unwanted.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> If you never learned to like yourself and be comfortable being single, you're going to fall hard and fast and get your heart broken by any man who tells you what you want to hear and makes you feel good. Then you're going to be stuck on him and non-responsive to anyone else because you miss the high he gave you and your ego is a little bruised. It actually has less to do with being with that person and more to do with feeling hurt and unwanted.


:iagree:

But let her ride the high, I know that all the sound advice is needed because you all care for X and want her well being. I sympathize with you X, because if I was dating someone (who did not fully reciprocate my feelings) I would be acting just like you.
El amor es como el chile, te quema mucho pero es tan rico!!!!
Translation: Love is like a hot pepper, it burns but it is sooo delicious.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> But let her ride the high, I know that all the sound advice is needed because you all care for X and want her well being. I sympathize with you X, because if I was dating someone (who did not fully reciprocate my feelings) I would be acting just like you.
> El amor es como el chile, te quema mucho pero es tan rico!!!!
> Translation: Love is like a hot pepper, it burns but it is sooo delicious.


Thanks ne! I really dont feel like I am riding the high though, because of how frustrated I have been. I know part of it is that I have never had a guy NOT return my feelings before. NEVER. I dont mean that to sound full of myself, I just have not known what to do with that! Gotta say, I dont like it! lol!




Nsweet said:


> You want an answer you won't forget, in four words.
> 
> DATE OTHERS, DON'T ARGUE!
> 
> There you go.
> 
> You're not giving these other men a chance because you're not over your previous ex, and you're so in love with him because you're not over your divorce yet. Those feelings and fears don't go away if you don't deal with them, they just get carried over to the next relationship. The same thing happens with cheaters who divorce their faithful spouses for another man and then get dumped by the OM and experience depression twice as bad.
> *
> If you never learned to like yourself and be comfortable being single, you're going to fall hard and fast and get your heart broken by any man who tells you what you want to hear and makes you feel good.* Then you're going to be stuck on him and non-responsive to anyone else because you miss the high he gave you and your ego is a little bruised. It actually has less to do with being with that person and more to do with feeling hurt and unwanted.



Here is the thing with this...I DO like myself, I always have. I have always been comfortable with who I am. And I do fine being single, I enjoy the independence and freedom, the strength I know I have by taking care of life myself. I am the one who ended my first two marriages. That said, I do enjoy having a relationship and being in love, I always have. I have always had plenty of male attention, and maybe I took that for granted.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Hope one day, I will find a man who thinks like you do!


I hope you do too if that's what you want! 
I don't really like the ONS thing, I love sex but I really love learning all the intricacies of another person. The passion of a real relationship is more important to me then the hit it then quit it crowd.
That look a girl gives you when they are falling is way better then me getting my jollies off.


----------



## Forever Changed

NSweet you are certainly the man.

When I am ready in the future, I will take your advice as pure gospel. I half understand already, but the way you explain it is easy to understand and will be easy to put in practice.

I will remember NSweets Rules.

Thank you very much. 

EDIT: If only I had fully understood with my experience with 'There's this Girl'. Still kick myself for that one. Could have had her.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I hope you do too if that's what you want!
> I don't really like the ONS thing, I love sex but I really love learning all the intricacies of another person. The passion of a real relationship is more important to me then the hit it then quit it crowd.
> That look a girl gives you when they are falling is way better then me getting my jollies off.


:smnotworthy: :smthumbup:


----------



## Forever Changed

You know NSweet, with That Girl.

She texted me a few times when I was at work asking to help her with a maths assignment. I texted back with various solutions to help her. Technically, I should have waited.

Because as you once said - When there is a problem, where is my Beloved now? Makes them want you more. Of course I was already halfway in the Friend Zone, before I knew what exactly it was. 

I'm kinda using the Dark Arts (just practicing) on a couple of women on FB.


----------



## ne9907

Forever Changed said:


> I'm kinda using the Dark Arts (just practicing) on a couple of women on FB.


:lol:

Good luck FC!!

EDIT: yes Nsweet always gives excellent advice. I will definitely seek his knowledge when I am ready!


----------



## Nsweet

Forever Changed said:


> You know NSweet, with That Girl.
> 
> She texted me a few times when I was at work asking to help her with a maths assignment. I texted back with various solutions to help her. Technically, I should have waited.
> 
> Because as you once said - When there is a problem, where is my Beloved now? Makes them want you more. Of course I was already halfway in the Friend Zone, before I knew what exactly it was.
> 
> I'm kinda using the Dark Arts (just practicing) on a couple of women on FB.


Wait, you don't mean that_girl from TAM do you? You're talking about some other woman right?

If you think you're in the friend zone now, it's too late. You shouldn't have even tried to help her with a question she already knew the answer too. She just wanted to see if you would jump through her hoops. Watch I'll prove it. Try calling her now and tell her about your day. 

And if she just wants you as a friend, then you accept it and don't try to force her to feel any other way about you. If you're lucky she'll actually be a very good friend and maybe even more someday, but not if you try to play games or seduce her. 

Pffft Dark Arts.:rofl: It's a bunch of bullsh!t. All of those guys trying to sell you the secret techniques for picking up women are just selling you some sleazy technique many women are already onto. 

And there's a light side as well, the one I preach. We don't use hypnosis or any memorized bullsh!t lines and magic tricks to meet women. We use genuine conversation and understanding to meet women and don't try to f*ck as many women as possible to feel better about ourselves. It's a lot slower approach but nearly fail proof because you're not playing games and you can be a good friend from the beginning.


----------



## Nsweet

Also FC, 

I wanted to add that all the pick up advice you read about really only applies to one type of woman. The one who's responsive to that sort of thing and just looking to f*ck with no strings attached for one night. 

These guys will try to sell you on how they have a harem of women and everything figured out, but they're really just emotionally abusive predators who use cultish techniques to establish a learned helplessness on their victims. And these guys are very damaged themselves.

If you want that kind of purely sexual relationship for one night you can do that, or slowly try to fake your way into a woman's pants. But I'm telling you now it's going to hurt you more than anyone else, especially when you ooze creepy douche bag vibes and no woman wants to touch you, and you've burned bridges everywhere else.


----------



## Forever Changed

Sorry NSweet, I was referring that That Girl from here, the one from months ago if you remember. 

And pardon my ignorance, I kinda thought the Dark Arts is what you explain. I don't mean the REAL ones - though I have read up on it.

And no, I won't try to fake my way in. I understand what you are saying. I understand completely.


----------



## Forever Changed

"Especially when you ooze creepy douche bag vibes and no woman wants to touch you, and you've burned bridges everywhere else".

Ouch. That hit me like a tonne of bricks. Because I could be that guy. Scary sh!t.


----------



## Nsweet

The pick up stuff you read about usually falls into one of three or four categories. The sleazy stuff like what Mystery and Style (neil Strauss) wrote about, the alpha bullsh!t like NMMNG and others telling you to be d!ck like them, the spiritual new agey meditation and law of attraction wish you way there idiotic advice, and then there's the realistic stuff dealing with men and woman on the same level without games. The latter is what I believe in, and it's taught in a lot of marriage and reconciliation books. 

I found the gimmicks just don't work with real, intelligent, women you care about and want to have a relationship with. And the other stuff ends up hurting you and damaging that poor women for other relationships. What women want during the attraction stage is a guy that's not going to maul them for sex the first time he kisses her and who can sit there, shut up about himself, make eye contact, and listen when she tells you everything she wants you to know. It's not that hard. And we're talking about women here, not little girls who want an abusive boyfriend who will piss off daddy. 

Unfortunately a lot of these books overlook what women want and tell you what they think. They tell you to be flashy, brag about yourself, lie to them, and use women for your gain. All you have to do is listen to her, not reveal too much about yourself, and understand a little bit about women and you can give her exactly what she wants without lying. Usually she'll tell you she wants a man to act like a man and have a goal and take charge without being abusive, to be faithful to her but also not so defendant that he's clingy and needy, and to be fun and loving... to still keep his fun attractive traits and have a life of his own but also to treat her like a princess at the right time. 

What was the saying? "You treat her like a person when you meet her, a friend when you date her, a princess when she's yours, a Greek goddess once in a while before going back to your friend." I'm purposefully over complicating the saying so it doesn't sound like you should put her on a pedestal and keep her there forever.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> The pick up stuff you read about usually falls into one of three or four categories. The sleazy stuff like what Mystery and Style (neil Strauss) wrote about, the alpha bullsh!t like NMMNG and others telling you to be d!ck like them, the spiritual new agey meditation and law of attraction wish you way there idiotic advice, and then there's the realistic stuff dealing with men and woman on the same level without games. The latter is what I believe in, and it's taught in a lot of marriage and reconciliation books.
> 
> I found the gimmicks just don't work with real, intelligent, women you care about and want to have a relationship with. And the other stuff ends up hurting you and damaging that poor women for other relationships. What women want during the attraction stage is a guy that's not going to maul them for sex the first time he kisses her and who can sit there, shut up about himself, make eye contact, and listen when she tells you everything she wants you to know. It's not that hard. And we're talking about women here, not little girls who want an abusive boyfriend who will piss off daddy.
> 
> Unfortunately a lot of these books overlook what women want and tell you what they think. They tell you to be flashy, brag about yourself, lie to them, and use women for your gain. All you have to do is listen to her, not reveal too much about yourself, and understand a little bit about women and you can give her exactly what she wants without lying. Usually she'll tell you she wants a man to act like a man and have a goal and take charge without being abusive, to be faithful to her but also not so defendant that he's clingy and needy, and to be fun and loving... to still keep his fun attractive traits and have a life of his own but also to treat her like a princess at the right time.
> 
> What was the saying? "You treat her like a person when you meet her, a friend when you date her, a princess when she's yours, a Greek goddess once in a while before going back to your friend." I'm purposefully over complicating the saying so it doesn't sound like you should put her on a pedestal and keep her there forever.


New level of respect for you Nsweet


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> I found the gimmicks just don't work with real, intelligent, women you care about and want to have a relationship with. And the other stuff ends up hurting you and damaging that poor women for other relationships.* What women want during the attraction stage is a guy that's not going to maul them for sex the first time he kisses her and who can sit there, shut up about himself, make eye contact, and listen when she tells you everything she wants you to know. It's not that hard. And we're talking about women here, not little girls who want an abusive boyfriend who will piss off daddy. *
> 
> Unfortunately a lot of these books overlook what women want and tell you what they think. They tell you to be flashy, brag about yourself, lie to them, and use women for your gain. *All you have to do is listen to her, not reveal too much about yourself, and understand a little bit about women and you can give her exactly what she wants without lying. Usually she'll tell you she wants a man to act like a man and have a goal and take charge without being abusive, to be faithful to her but also not so defendant that he's clingy and needy, and to be fun and loving... to still keep his fun attractive traits and have a life of his own but also to treat her like a princess at the right time. *


Nailed it.


----------



## Nsweet

Forever Changed said:


> "Especially when you ooze creepy douche bag vibes and no woman wants to touch you, and you've burned bridges everywhere else".
> 
> Ouch. That hit me like a tonne of bricks. Because I could be that guy. Scary sh!t.


It's the absolute truth though. 

You're meet more women trying to follow the PUA advice on sarging, but you'll have more women wanting to meet you if you're confident, strong, and quiet, and having fun doing your own thing. Women like a little mystery in a man. They like that better than the fake PUA who's trying to think of ways to impress them by pretending to be c*cky.

Check this out. Stop talking to people for a few weeks whenever you don't have to. No forced awkward small talk in elevators or while standing in line. You'll notice body language better and the little green light for when a woman looks at you and wants you to respond.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> It's the absolute truth though.
> 
> You're meet more women trying to follow the PUA advice on sarging, but* you'll have more women wanting to meet you if you're confident, strong, and quiet, and having fun doing your own thing. Women like a little mystery in a man. They like that better than the fake PUA who's trying to think of ways to impress them by pretending to be c*cky.
> *
> Check this out. Stop talking to people for a few weeks whenever you don't have to. No forced awkward small talk in elevators or while standing in line. You'll notice body language better and the little green light for when a woman looks at you and wants you to respond.


This is very very true! I cannot stand obnoxious men who feel the need to be the center of attention and will never approach one who is like that. Maybe it is the introvert in me, but I do approach men who are quiet and like you said, doing their own thing. I just cannot understand the women who fall for the PUA bullsh!t.


----------



## Forever Changed

So NSweet I was just reading about Fractional Seduction etc on the net. Seems easy. But very, very wrong.

To my horror, I was recognising some of my own behaviour when I was working on That Girl those months back, and I hadn't even heard of it then. Yes, it is interesting stuff. But I'm not going there. No way.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So, what is the Dark Arts, anyway? (as I duck away from 2gals!)


----------



## Nsweet

Forever Changed said:


> So NSweet I was just reading about Fractional Seduction etc on the net. Seems easy. But very, very wrong.
> 
> To my horror, I was recognising some of my own behaviour when I was working on That Girl those months back, and I hadn't even heard of it then. Yes, it is interesting stuff. But I'm not going there. No way.


It's just more bullsh!t. 

The subliminal message/speed seduction guys like Ross Jeffries try to sell you on basically a long script you spout off from memory using a bunch trigger words. It sounds like it would work, it really does, but it reality it comes off sounding alien. It's not how real human people talk, it's more of you trying to do a long winded sales pitch using NLP tactics. 

"Do you smell burnt popcorn?" and "Try not to think about sexy naked men with big erections inches away from your face.":rofl: The second one is just a horrible example for how the brain ignores the DO NOT and listens to the rest. Like how "and", "but" , and "or" nullify the message before it. "I love you but....."

If you wanted to go that route without playing games, just wait until she knows you well enough to talk about your past and tell her about what you went through. Tell her a little bit about what it felt like to go through divorce and why you're a little more distant now. It's not playing games but it works because you're doing the one thing she wishes you would do, and that's show her your feelings. Just a little though. It's honest and from the heart and she'll probably open up to you about her past too.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> So, what is the Dark Arts, anyway? (as I duck away from 2gals!)


Sleazy pick up artist tricks.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Forever Changed said:


> So NSweet I was just reading about Fractional Seduction etc on the net. Seems easy. But very, very wrong.
> 
> To my horror, I was recognising some of my own behaviour when I was working on That Girl those months back, and I hadn't even heard of it then. Yes, it is interesting stuff. But I'm not going there. No way.


I Googled this after you posted. Ridiculous sh!t! I clicked on a couple of things on the page I was looking at...mind control?? SERIOUSLY?? It just makes me really angry that men stoop to this kind of sh!t, like women are stupid beings who are beneath them!  SO insulting!!


----------



## Forever Changed

But the really scary part - is that it actually works.


----------



## Nsweet

Forever Changed said:


> But the really scary part - is that it actually works.


At first.


----------



## RandomDude

Never would I have ever anticipated that one day, I would have to go to court just to be single!!! BAH! -.-


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I think men are like women (men, please confirm or tell me I am wrong)--but once a guy has put you in the booty call category and told you he's not into you, it's unlikely to change...
> 
> For me as a woman, if I am not into a guy it's likely I won't be...in the future.



You guys are all such pissers . You have names and terms for everything dating , even dating, or somem like that :scratchhead:
l have nothing , it is whatever the fk it is or was .
Anyway , that stuffs never changed for me either . lf l'm not into someone there's not much l can do it won't change.
Can't get into any sex either if l feel that way .


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> What women want during the attraction stage is a guy that's not going to maul them for sex the first time he kisses her and who can sit there, shut up about himself, make eye contact, and listen when she tells you everything she wants you to know. It's not that hard. And we're talking about women here, not little girls who want an abusive boyfriend who will piss off daddy.
> 
> @@ All sound really nice NS but a lot of guys here would kill to find a women doing the same instead of some of the *****bags they're actually encountering , me included
> 
> 
> All you have to do is listen to her, not reveal too much about yourself, and understand a little bit about women and you can give her exactly what she wants without lying. Usually she'll tell you she wants a man to act like a man and have a goal and take charge without being abusive, to be faithful to her but also not so defendant that he's clingy and needy, and to be fun and loving... to still keep his fun attractive traits and have a life of his own but also to treat her like a princess at the right time.
> 
> 
> @@ So all she wants is perfect right , sorry man but l wish her the best of luck with that. And what is she offering him, l wouldn't mind a bit of perfect myself actually but hey ,l'd be sitting here for the next 50yrs wishing .


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> You guys are all such pissers . You have names and terms for everything dating , even dating, or somem like that :scratchhead:
> l have nothing , it is whatever the fk it is or was .
> 
> *Anyway , that stuffs never changed for me either . lf l'm not into someone there's not much l can do it won't change.*


You just proved my point.


----------



## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> C*cky is just a compensation for little man syndrome, a Napoleon without his empire beating his chest and trying to fake it until he makes it as a big man
> 
> C*cky = arrogant = potential abuser = turn OFF


I totally agree. Nothing turns me off faster than an arrogant man. Total libido killer.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> I totally agree. Nothing turns me off faster than an arrogant man. Total libido killer.


Heh... The funny thing is, one woman's confident is another woman's arrogant.


----------



## Jellybeans

Confidence isn't the same thing as arrogance.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Confidence isn't the same thing as arrogance.


No it isn't, but in my experience, there's a very fine line between the two and can be easily confused one for the other.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> No it isn't, but in my experience, there's a very fine line between the two and can be easily confused one for the other.


Yup until you really learn to tell the difference, it is really easy to get confused. 

I thought my ex was the most confident guy around. Never met someone as "confident" as him...so sure of himself...

Oh wait. He was just being full of himself and actually very insecure. Can definitely spot the difference now. Live n learn. 

Quiet confidence is so much sexier than the loud obnoxious pay attention to me man-baby.


----------



## hope4family

Forever Changed said:


> But the really scary part - is that it actually works.


It works on the wrong ones. 

There are a lot of "wrong ones." 

As far as life and love goes. Pretty much safe to say here we have all been hurt by someone we loved. The fact that some of us are getting trapped back into the same issue (guilty in my own way) is a sign that we likely aren't ready for relationships with the right person. 

Personally I don't want perfection. I'll take someone who is imperfect. But not half of the things i'm reading people are settling for. 

I feel all the peoples here pain. When you get more offers for sex then you do dates. Sucks. This happens to a lot of men though from what my friends say. Some take them up on the offer some don't. I'm sure women have this problem with men too.

I am not angry with anyone who wants that emotional, physical connection, even with a less then satisfactory relationship person. For a brief moment, it feels amazing. I remember the high very well, and when I turn down an offer I feel somewhat angry the next day like a drug addict saying "no" to his hit.

But then I work hard to pull myself out of it. Remember that I made choices to walk in this direction. I greatly enjoy being single, and don't want to ruin this sense of liberty I have with the wrong person. Going to continue making friends, with the right people. Enjoy my life, and when the right person comes along, she will.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> *It works on the wrong ones.
> 
> There are a lot of "wrong ones."
> 
> As far as life and love goes. Pretty much safe to say here we have all been hurt by someone we loved. The fact that some of us are getting trapped back into the same issue (guilty in my own way) is a sign that we likely aren't ready for relationships with the right person. *
> 
> *Personally I don't want perfection. I'll take someone who is imperfect. But not half of the things i'm reading people are settling for. *
> 
> I feel all the peoples here pain. When you get more offers for sex then you do dates. Sucks. This happens to a lot of men though from what my friends say. Some take them up on the offer some don't. I'm sure women have this problem with men too.
> 
> I am not angry with anyone who wants that emotional, physical connection, even with a less then satisfactory relationship person. For a brief moment, it feels amazing. I remember the high very well, and when I turn down an offer I feel somewhat angry the next day like a drug addict saying "no" to his hit.
> 
> *But then I work hard to pull myself out of it. Remember that I made choices to walk in this direction. I greatly enjoy being single, and don't want to ruin this sense of liberty I have with the wrong person. Going to continue making friends, with the right people. Enjoy my life, and when the right person comes along, she will.*


This is about where I'm at with things. 

I don't want to settle and realize I have alot of things to work on with myself before I would be ready to be with the "right" person. 

Why force anything, even just NSA causal sh!t if you know you aren't ready for it. Its not worth the mind games you end up with in your own head trying to sort through the range of emotions that occur b/c of bad decisions.


----------



## muskrat

It seems to me most people are missing the obvious when it comes to dating. Stop using lines, strategies and playing games. JUST BE YOURSELF! Those tricks and games may work, but they work on the wrong people. Just be yourself and when you meet the right person, they will want you for who you are.

I also agree that once a man places a woman in the "booty call/ friend" category that is all she is ever likely to be to him.

I will also agree that it does get frustrating when you receive more offers for sex than actual dates. Then again that just helps you weed through people in your search for the right person. It seems to me that SOME woman offer sex as a way to "get" a man. Like they think if they have sex with you, you will want a relationship then. Of course some just want sex.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Forever Changed said:


> I'm kinda using the Dark Arts (just practicing) on a couple of women on FB.


What are the Dark Arts?



muskrat said:


> It seems to me most people are missing the obvious when it comes to dating. Stop using lines, strategies and playing games.


Agreed. Game-playing is for the birds. 

LAME. 

People just need to be straight up/honest with eachother!


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> What are the Dark Arts?
> 
> 
> 
> Agreed. Game-playing is for the birds.
> 
> LAME.
> 
> People just need to be straight up/honest with eachother!


Dark arts is game playing. 

It's ridiculously easy to do. I'm the shy guy who barely talks, but impress even the most "gamely of gamers". Sure, I've failed at it too, it's all been in fun, never to "get" anything out of anyone. 

Funny thing about that is, when it's someone you are genuinely into. It doesn't work. Not because you are out of their league, or they don't sense confidence. 

They just know what that crap is. 

Just sayin.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> It seems to me most people are missing the obvious when it comes to dating. Stop using lines, strategies and playing games. JUST BE YOURSELF! Those tricks and games may work, but they work on the wrong people. Just be yourself and when you meet the right person, they will want you for who you are.





Jellybeans said:


> Agreed. Game-playing is for the birds.
> 
> LAME.
> 
> People just need to be straight up/honest with eachother!


:iagree:

What really turns me off meeting new people is how much everyone is trying to impress everyone else. WHO CARES!!!

I am always myself and it is hard to find people who are at that point in their lives I guess. I don't know. Is everyone insecure with themselves?


----------



## Soveryalone

sorry this is a little overdue , I haven't been keeping up with the thread. From my perspective ( a 37 year old male) there is the FINEST of lines between being c0cky/ arrogant and confident. here is great example, at work I notice little things , I notice women looking at me, or making up silly reasons to talk to me or asking me for help, now I am quite sure if I actually tried I could easily sleep with several of them ( this is just an example I don't actually pursue co workers because I am intelligent) now confident is being aware of the subtle glances , and chats and being ok with leaving it at that, being arrogant is going all out and pushing the matter and actually sleeping with them, a sort of validation so to speak. 

I know this about myself 99% of the time I come across as extremely funny, charming, polite and VERY confident ( which I have been told is attractive) but I can totally see where many women are completely turned off by c0ckiness and arrogance

I think in many cases the fine line between being arrogant and self confident is separated as much by what isn't said / isn't done as what is said/ what is done , if that makes any sense at all


----------



## Soveryalone

also from a previous posting by dollystansford 
"My sexy new hat - amazing sexual chemistry. Like unreal. Six times a day, for six days solid. And that was just actual sex part. Yeah baby. Yeah." 

I am not a mathematician by any means , but 6 times a day for 6 days solid.... that's roughly 36 times .... geesh


----------



## Soveryalone

*"It seems to me most people are missing the obvious when it comes to dating. Stop using lines, strategies and playing games. JUST BE YOURSELF! Those tricks and games may work, but they work on the wrong people. Just be yourself and when you meet the right person, they will want you for who you are"*

I use one "line" and its so hit or miss its incredible, but the purpose behind it is simple, to determine if she 1) takes her self too seriously 2) has a sense of humor 
so here it is, forgive me if this offends anyone
" hello miss, can you please tell me if this rag smells like chloroform"


----------



## vi_bride04

Soveryalone said:


> I use one "line" and its so hit or miss its incredible, but the purpose behind it is simple, to determine if she 1) takes her self too seriously 2) has a sense of humor
> so here it is, forgive me if this offends anyone
> " hello miss, can you please tell me if this rag smells like chloroform"


Well I chuckled at that so I guess I have a sense of humor


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup until you really learn to tell the difference, it is really easy to get confused.
> 
> I thought my ex was the most confident guy around. Never met someone as "confident" as him...so sure of himself...
> 
> Oh wait. He was just being full of himself and actually very insecure. Can definitely spot the difference now. Live n learn.
> 
> Quiet confidence is so much sexier than the loud obnoxious pay attention to me man-baby.


:iagree:

Exactly what I was getting at... :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> Dark arts is game playing.


LAME.

If a dude pulls that with me, I do not want to go out with him again.

Over and out!


----------



## Dollystanford

Soveryalone said:


> I am not a mathematician by any means , but 6 times a day for 6 days solid.... that's roughly 36 times .... geesh


well not roughly EVERY time


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> well not roughly EVERY time


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Soveryalone said:


> *"It seems to me most people are missing the obvious when it comes to dating. Stop using lines, strategies and playing games. JUST BE YOURSELF! Those tricks and games may work, but they work on the wrong people. Just be yourself and when you meet the right person, they will want you for who you are"*
> 
> I use one "line" and its so hit or miss its incredible, but the purpose behind it is simple, to determine if she 1) takes her self too seriously 2) has a sense of humor
> so here it is, forgive me if this offends anyone
> " hello miss, can you please tell me if this rag smells like chloroform"


Ok so I am shallow. I am working on it.
But depending on whether I find you attractive or not, the responses to your pick up line would be :

a) if attractive --smile, look you in the eyes blah blah blah
b) not attractive---eeewww creep... get away from me.

I am using the word YOU as in general for all men


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> Ok so I am shallow. I am working on it.
> But depending on whether I find you attractive or not, the responses to your pick up line would be :
> 
> a) if attractive --smile, look you in the eyes blah blah blah
> b) not attractive---eeewww creep... get away from me.
> 
> I am using the word YOU as in general for all men


It's a pickup line ice breaker. It isn't to determine if you are shallow or not. 

If you like it, and like the person who says it, it's an easy way of knowing it without saying it. 

That being said, that line isn't about "game". It's just an ice breaker.


----------



## ne9907

hope4family said:


> It's a pickup line ice breaker. It isn't to determine if you are shallow or not.
> 
> If you like it, and like the person who says it, it's an easy way of knowing it without saying it.
> 
> That being said, that line isn't about "game". It's just an ice breaker.



I meant to say that I am shallow. I know this about myself.
Therefore, pick up lines do not work with me, I tend to look at a person's attractiveness. If I find them attractive anything used to break the ice will work. If I don't find them attractive, then well nothing will.


----------



## Nsweet

Lol, seeing you guys drone on and on about game and pick up lines and theory. 

I see I need to set the record straight at some point. 

It has less to do with a man trying to fool you more that it is him trying to fool himself and impress you. That's what all this craps about, some PUA "guru" (said lightly) tells you that what you're doing is all wrong and you're wrong but his way is right, and if you become this emotional abuser and use his hard and fast approach you'll get any woman you want. 

In reality though, you can fool some women some of the time but you can't fool every woman out there. I call them emotional abusers because that's what they are. The misogynist PUAs use the same cultish techniques of looking for a vulnerable woman or making her that way with by breaking down her self-esteem and then rebuilding her with a series of compliments, followed by a series of hoops she jumps through for his approval, and then a long period of learn helplessness and dependance on him and his approval. Essentially a JERK!

I could go on and on about this. I have notes over this crap and I've read a few books on cults. Sadly I've used these techniques myself, but it just wasn't me. It never felt genuine or right. But still I know all of the red flags. These guys come on hard and fast and try to touch you as soon as the meet you to get you used to their touching. Anytime you reject them or let them down in any way this seemingly nice guy (at first) will punish you or find someway to dig a needle in your self esteem. 

And the way you can usually identify these guys is that they seem to tell you more than they should and some concocted stories or lines that are meant to impress you. Like that "one time he got into a fist fight with a man who was hitting his girlfriend because he's such a good guy, and then he came home and took care of his sick mother...." Just who the f*ck tells you this load of crap on the first date? Someone who's trying to feed you lines to impress you. 

There's certain signs you always want to look out for in what they tell you and among them are stories of violence, short lives relationships (nothing over 2 years), lots of dating and sex.... in fact a lot of the more predatory people will brag about their conquests to impress you, stories of drug use and binge drinking, exes as "friends" or an inability to cut ties with people (hence using you after a breakup), and probably the most overlooked.... They tell you the same stories over and over like a broken record. And that's a really big bad red flag for someone who is lying to you and reading from a script. In fact the worst ones I've met will start off reading from that script and then try to keep you attached to them when they're not around by rehashing previous dates with you over and over and over. Like they can't believe you're falling for it and need to remind you.


----------



## COGypsy

Soveryalone said:


> *"It seems to me most people are missing the obvious when it comes to dating. Stop using lines, strategies and playing games. JUST BE YOURSELF! Those tricks and games may work, but they work on the wrong people. Just be yourself and when you meet the right person, they will want you for who you are"*
> 
> I use one "line" and its so hit or miss its incredible, but the purpose behind it is simple, to determine if she 1) takes her self too seriously 2) has a sense of humor
> so here it is, forgive me if this offends anyone
> " hello miss, can you please tell me if this rag smells like chloroform"


And what kind of response do you typically get with an opening gambit like that?


----------



## Nsweet

COGypsy said:


> And what kind of response do you typically get with an opening gambit like that?


Probably a rape whistle and pepperspray.


----------



## Forever Changed

Hahahahaha


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> It has less to do with a man trying to fool you more that it is him trying to fool himself and impress you.


:iagree:

As I said somewhere else, these sorts of techniques are just scripts men can use to emulate the sort of effortless confidence that women tend to be attracted to.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> That sounds like what my ex wife does to get people hooked on how helpless she is and how terrible her life is wah wah


Sounds a lot like my ex wife too. Professional victim with a lot of imaginary illnesses from repressing her feelings then eating through them.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Don't leave your drinks unattended on dates either. This thread does wonders for me. Thank you.


It would also be a good idea while on a date to talk to at least 3-5 other people that would remember you, like bartenders, and possibly several more before you go anywhere with him. And then if you can try to stop by a convenience store or anywhere with security cameras you can smile and wave at. This would give the police and detectives eye witnesses and a video surveillance of your as well as a time line if anything should happen to you or your date turns into a creep. And while your at it, keep your phone near buy and text a friend your location or the road your on and any streets you may be passing.... casually of course. 

These are just for precautions and something both men and women should be doing because you never know what could happen. That sweet woman your with could be lying about cheating on her husband and then comes home to attack both of you. Or that nice guy could be a very suave rapists with a stock pile of plastic bags and ducktape for dumping bodies. YOu never no so you have to be very very careful. BTW these are the same techniques prescribed for dealing with an abusive person who may be trying to use the courts against you and file false charges. If you can provide the receipt and they can play the tape proving you were there, then might get out of some nasty accusations.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> It would also be a good idea while on a date to talk to at least 3-5 other people that would remember you, like bartenders, and possibly several more before you go anywhere with him. And then if you can try to stop by a convenience store or anywhere with security cameras you can smile and wave at. This would give the police and detectives eye witnesses and a video surveillance of your as well as a time line if anything should happen to you or your date turns into a creep. And while your at it, keep your phone near buy and text a friend your location or the road your on and any streets you may be passing.... casually of course.
> 
> These are just for precautions and something both men and women should be doing because you never know what could happen. That sweet woman your with could be lying about cheating on her husband and then comes home to attack both of you. Or that nice guy could be a very suave rapists with a stock pile of plastic bags and ducktape for dumping bodies. YOu never no so you have to be very very careful. BTW these are the same techniques prescribed for dealing with an abusive person who may be trying to use the courts against you and file false charges. If you can provide the receipt and they can play the tape proving you were there, then might get out of some nasty accusations.


I have actually told my nieces to take a picture of the guy's ID and send it to me. Once they return home safe and I sound, I will delete the picture.
If he has any objections to that, well too bad...


----------



## COGypsy

2galsmom said:


> Don't leave your drinks unattended on dates either. This thread does wonders for me. Thank you.


Probably the greatest example of the differences between how men see the world and how women see the world came about in a little neighborhood bar during a conversation between my boyfriend and I about just that topic. A guy sitting down the bar from where we were put a coaster on top of his glass and stepped away from the bar to go to the bathroom or smoke or whatever. 

I pointed out how ridiculous that was. Like a coaster would keep someone from slipping something into your drink! Why would anyone leave their drink sitting alone and trust a coaster to keep them safe. My guy looked at me like I was completely nuts and asked why I immediately thought anyone would put anything in someone else's drink? He pointed out that he put the coaster on to let the bartender know he'd be back. A signal I never learned because I cannot fathom a world where letting go of my drink in a public place is a smart or safe thing to do.

It was a pretty enlightening conversation for both of us.


----------



## Nsweet

Why would you want to leave your drink unattended when you can be drinking and peeing at the same time? 

Have you tried this? It's AWESOME!:smthumbup: 

You sip and pee and you keep your buzz going while you turn alcohol back into water. You know what I'm talking about with that drunk piss at like 1am. One hand goes on the wall, the other on your junk, and you make that noise all drunk men make at the urinal.:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Why would you want to leave your drink unattended when you can be drinking and peeing at the same time?
> 
> *Have you tried this? *It's AWESOME!:smthumbup:
> 
> You sip and pee and you keep your buzz going while you turn alcohol back into water. You know what I'm talking about with that drunk piss at like 1am. One hand goes on the wall, the other on your junk, and you make that noise all drunk men make at the urinal.:rofl:


No, Nsweet, I can't say that I have. And I think I can speak for most, if not all, of the women on this thread.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> No, Nsweet, I can't say that I have. And I think I can speak for most, if not all, of the women on this thread.


Maybe it's only something guys do. Maybe it's something only I do. 

I'm less concerned with someone stealing my drink or putting something in it more that I am that the ice will melt and they'll be that disgusting watery flavor. I hate that! Too much of that will ruin your grandad.


----------



## ne9907

angelpixie said:


> No, Nsweet, I can't say that I have. And I think I can speak for most, if not all, of the women on this thread.


I am so ashamed Angel.... I have done this, and way back in the day of allowing smoking in a bar (97, 98). I would even have a cig in one hand, a drink on the other, and sadly I would be in the bathroom......

Shame on me!!


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Maybe it's only something guys do. Maybe it's something only I do.


I haven't done it, but...

There have been times when I considered it be a far more efficient process all around, if I cut out the middle man, so to speak, and simply poured my drink straight into the toilet.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> I haven't done it, but...
> 
> There have been times when I considered it be a far more efficient process all around, if I cut down the middle man, so to speak, and simply poured my drink straight into the toilet.


A drink at a bar is like what $4 to $8 (more for girly mixed drinks). At just 3 drinks a night, two nights a week (for the serious social drinkers), over a year, that's about $1,200 to about $2,500. With that much money you could join a $30 a month internet dating site for six months (which is plenty of time) and go on 12 first dates for $100 to $200. 

Or if your smart and don't try like to put women on pedestals you could go on 30 to 62 first dates with a $40 spending cap. Which is plenty of money, believe me. If you're half way interesting and don't fall for the trap of buying your date drinks or small gifts, you could do a lot with that amount. 

With $40 on a first date you could split a big meal or appetizer for $20, two $3 drinks, $5 tip (because waitstaff works hard), medium dessert coffee for her for $5, and something small and sweet while you walk around for $4. BOOM! First date for those of you men who work for a living and don't want to break the bank on what is basically an interview.:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Nsweet.
> 
> $3 will only buy you one cheap beer where I live and only on certain evenings between 4 and 7 pm. Actually, the sign I just read was $3.50. You are lucky if that buys you a soda or an iced tea. And you forgot tax.
> 
> You can urge your date to get the iced tea because refills are free but I do not advise it.
> *
> Where is this magical restaurant?*


Texas. Glorious Texas.:smthumbup:

Sorry I should have factored in the cost of living or something. In the Northern states like New York you can take that $40 and make that more like $60 for the more expensive areas.

And I thought I made it a point I don't buy women drinks. Take your soda or ice tea and be happy with it. I'm not going to pay my first date to get her buzz on or get drunk. Do you drink in an interview? No. So why should you be drinking when that person is telling you about themselves for the first time. You'll catch more red flags sober.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> A drink at a bar is like what $4 to $8 (more for girly mixed drinks). At just 3 drinks a night, two nights a week (for the serious social drinkers), over a year, that's about $1,200 to about $2,500. With that much money you could join a $30 a month internet dating site for six months (which is plenty of time) and go on 12 first dates for $100 to $200.


Which is exactly why I don't often go to bars.

It is, quite literally, pissing money away.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> So when you advised men to buy two $3 drinks they were both for the man and not his date?
> 
> I quote:
> 
> _With $40 on a first date you could split a big meal or appetizer for $20, *two *$3 drinks, $5 tip (because waitstaff works hard), medium dessert coffee for her for $5, and something small and sweet while you walk around for $4. BOOM! First date for those of you men who work for a living and don't want to break the bank on what is basically an interview._
> 
> You know, Texas does not sound so magical.
> 
> I did go to a seafood restaurant with my 2gals and the tab was $38, not including tip. I almost had a heart attack, in a good way! I love LA. And Nsweet I was displeased with my iced tea as it was mango-paradise flavored and I prefer plain and martinis cost $15 here.


No, non-alcoholic drinks for both of you. 

Why are getting so defensive about this? Have you ever had a first date where he pays for everything, no going Dutch? Don't you think it's a bit much to order 2 or even three drinks that could be as much as another $20 when you may never see the guy again? That's what I'm talking about. 

I don't mind going a little over that $40 spending limit if everything is reasonable and she's having a good time. But I'm not about to buy her things like cigaretts or alcohol when the first date is purely about getting to know each other. Save that for like the second and third date. 

And here I'm talking about a reasonable coffee or lunch date during the day. Not some event where you go out to dinner late in the evening and stay out late.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> I am not getting defensive. You are.
> 
> It is HILARIOUS to picture you with two beverages sipping away with your tattoos and long hair while the date has none. :rofl:
> 
> I hope you find a date who enjoys your magical Texas restaurant and you both have a wonderful evening. You worry about your $ status too much Nsweet, that will hinder you, not help you find someone who digs you for who you are.
> 
> Don't armor yourself by worrying and setting up a business mindset, if you buy a girl a drink and never see her again it is a small price to pay for avoiding a long term relationship with a person who is not right for you. Do not over "business" it and demean it to an interview, or she may ask if you offer a sign on bonus and or provide employees with Executive Memberships at Costco.
> 
> If you want a romantic relationship and are daring enough to date to find one, don't interview try and enjoy the moment. If it is a nightmare, you will have more funny stories to share with . . .us.
> 
> I am quite sure you will find someone who will intact go Dutch or at the very least offer you the never ending refills that come with iced tea.


Did you not get that that's one drink for both of us. How did you fathom that I would sit there with two drinks and let her go without. I'm not a d!ck like that! Of course she have a bigger meal or whatever she wants. I usually eat small on a date because if it goes further I don't want to be weighed down with a heavy meal. 

And you're being defensive. That was just an example for a long running joke between me and PB that was supposed to be about throwing money away regardless, but I decided not to go that route and to try to be helpful. Because you're not throwing money away on a date, you're taking a chance and sharing your time together. 

You're stance just makes me sound like a cheap d!ck when really I'm talking about dating on a budget. I don't know what kind of dates you've been on but I can't afford anything like what you have in mind? Tattoos, I can't afford food or haircuts let alone ink.

I really think you're reading too much into my words. I just jokingly call a date an interview because you getting to know each other and putting on your best like you would for an interview. A lot of the terms I use are coined phrases from my PUA days I still use but never with the same intent. "Fluff talk" for example. 

And don't talk sh!t about Texas. People from here are extremely defensive about our state no matter how good or bad the region we're in.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmm....too many rules. Who pays for what, whats appropriate to order, what do I or don't talk about or ask questions....gah! I never want to date...ever....LOL

I'll just pay for my own crap and drink as much as I want haha


----------



## Nsweet

You still didn't get the joke. The post above was mee making a joking point over how PB could forgo drinking at a bar and use that money on a few very expensive dates or a lot of cheaper dates. That's all. 

I don't think about money that often, I don't see women as gold diggers or the madona/wh*re complex, nothing like that. It was just an example of how to take $40 and turn it into a decent first date. Like that Rachael Ray show nobody liked where she eats somewhere foreign for $40 a day. 

I still think you're coming off with a lot of attitude. Your posts keep getting more snarky and longer and feminist. Can't you just let this one go as you being older and from a different sex and generation and what works for me may not work for you? I'm not looking to date 30+ mothers with children and lots of responsibilities.

All this over you thinking what? I would take $40 and go on a hypothetical date and not let the woman have an alcoholic drink with her meal? That's fine if she wants to order a cheap bear or pitch in. That was my point.


----------



## tracyishere

I need a drink....


----------



## RandomDude

Then go find your hubby and drink him dry!


----------



## tracyishere

RandomDude said:


> Then go find your hubby and drink him dry!


Yes. I plan on it. Just taking some 'me' time first. He'll get his tank emptied soon enough.


----------



## RandomDude

I need my tank emptied too but my wife will probably KICK it empty -.-


----------



## tracyishere

RandomDude said:


> I need my tank emptied too but my wife will probably KICK it empty -.-


Sorry I only have room for one tank...


----------



## RandomDude

Well obviously duh -.-

Go find my laundry lady! The tank is imploding from celibacy!


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> What really turns me off meeting new people is how much everyone is trying to impress everyone else. WHO CARES!!!
> 
> I am always myself and it is hard to find people who are at that point in their lives I guess. I don't know. Is everyone insecure with themselves?




Often it's because they want something , like sex , the boss is near by, the friend of the friend that he or she wants to jump, or to just impress someone in the group for God knows why .
l've often laugh to myself at the change within seconds , you just watch it, when the certain someone leaves, games over. And it's often not in a very pretty way too.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Ok so I am shallow. I am working on it.
> But depending on whether I find you attractive or not, the responses to your pick up line would be :
> 
> a) if attractive --smile, look you in the eyes blah blah blah
> b) not attractive---eeewww creep... get away from me.
> 
> I am using the word YOU as in general for all men


Genuine and simple , all you need ne :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

It's the killer hat song.:rofl:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaysTVcounI


----------



## philglossop

Never heard it before- but I love it!


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> It's the killer hat song.:rofl:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaysTVcounI


LOL NSweet... whatever happens I still had fun.... didn't think he would be long term... and we dated for like a month and a half.... I dont regret it

LOL ... slow hat has reentered the picture after a month absence...


----------



## Jellybeans

Why is slow hat "slow?" What's w/ the month-long absence?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> LOL NSweet... whatever happens I still had fun.... didn't think he would be long term... and we dated for like a month and a half.... I dont regret it
> 
> LOL ... slow hat has reentered the picture after a month absence...


See! I keep telling you people that the 180 works for dating too. You went NC with slow hat, dated someone else, now he wants to try again. This sh!t never fails.:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> See! I keep telling you people that the 180 works for dating too. You went NC with slow hat, dated someone else, now he wants to try again. This sh!t never fails.:smthumbup:


Yea you are correct... he pissed me off, i went NC with him... a month later he starts contact with me again...

I actually see him as long term material and we really connect.... as long as he get over whatever dumb a$$ issue he has that he freaks out over and runs away


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Yea you are correct... he pissed me off, i went NC with him... a month later he starts contact with me again...
> 
> I actually see him as long term material and we really connect.... as long as he get over whatever dumb a$$ issue he has that he freaks out over and runs away


Have you bedded him yet? Ooh la la!

Why'd he piss you off?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Why is slow hat "slow?" What's w/ the month-long absence?


Slow hat is a guy that i have been talking with since Aug.... he is slow hat cause its taking him forever to make a move.... we have been on like 2 dates... we actually really connect but he seems to have an issue, whether its extreme shyness or something else I dont know... he is very bold in text but in person he seems shy, he has a hard time looking me in the eye and making a move. Then he tends to back off for a while...


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Have you bedded him yet? Ooh la la!
> 
> Why'd he piss you off?


We havent even kissed yet...

He pissed me off because we were supposed to possibly hang out and he blew me off with out even a text...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Slow hat is a guy that i have been talking with since Aug.... he is slow hat cause its taking him forever to make a move.... we have been on like 2 dates... we actually really connect but he seems to have an issue, whether its extreme shyness or something else I dont know... he is very bold in text but in person he seems shy, he has a hard time looking me in the eye and making a move. Then he tends to back off for a while...


Is he married? Girlfriend/family? That is odd that he is so slow. But yeah I am not into the fact that he blew you off. Hope you called him out on it...

Do you talk frequently?


----------



## unsure78

and crap.... now killer hat just texted me, asking me how i am... uh oh now im going to have an issue if i have 2 going at once...


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Is he married? Girlfriend/family? That is odd that he is so slow. But yeah I am not into the fact that he blew you off. Hope you called him out on it...
> 
> Do you talk frequently?


No hes divorced.... oh yea i gave him crap for it a ton... told him no more Bull sh!t if he wasnts to date me.... asked him straight out if he wants to date me or just be friends....

my therapist thinks he might be gay....


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Slow hat is a guy that i have been talking with since Aug.... he is slow hat cause its taking him forever to make a move.... we have been on like 2 dates... we actually really connect but he seems to have an issue, whether its extreme shyness or something else I dont know... he is very bold in text but in person he seems shy, he has a hard time looking me in the eye and making a move. Then he tends to back off for a while...


Sugar, that man's recovering from heartbreak. 

If he wasn't into you he would try to be nice about it and put you into the friend-zone unless you chased him incessantly away. And if he was a user and a d!ck he would have tried to have sex with you or at least kissed you by now. 

I can almost guarantee, he's still broken up about something and trying to man it out by not telling you. I want to say he might have an ex girlfriend that dumped him over the past few months and he's still feeling too guilty about dating to be with you.


----------



## Disenchanted

Escalation is very hard for some guys.

Just do it! I love the rush, whether it works or not, it's fun to try.

Guy sounds shy like I used to be.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> No hes divorced.... oh yea i gave him crap for it a ton... told him no more Bull sh!t if he wasnts to date me.... asked him straight out if he wants to date me or just be friends....


What did he say?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> He says he hasnt dated much over the last year and hes been divorced for i think 4 years.... he comes off as very shy and maybe insecure... hes the former pro bodybuilder..


So he's very very insecure about his body. Do you know anything about bodybuilders? They're very insecure about their looks and tie their very self worth into their lifts and their appearance to others. They usually end up marrying women who are fitness competitors to keep up the life style. 

I don't know what happened but I'm thinking if his wife was a muscle digger, the aesthetic form of a gold digger, and she left him after he gave up bodybuilding. Then it's very understandable that he would still be insecure and single after 4 years. 

But to tell the truth I've seen his pics and heard what you told me about him and I think he's a diamond in the rough. Give him a second chance and hear him out. He may be the man you end up marrying after all.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Escalation is very hard for some guys.
> 
> Just do it!


Why? 

Either someone is into you or not, right?


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Why?
> 
> Either someone is into you or not, right?


Because it's usually a make or break moment. I dated a girl a few times, tried to kiss her, she resisted, that was the end of that.

Now she doesn't know why I never called her again.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> So he's very very insecure about his body. Do you know anything about bodybuilders? They're very insecure about their looks and tie their very self worth into their lifts and their appearance to others. They usually end up marrying women who are fitness competitors to keep up the life style.
> 
> I don't know what happened but I'm thinking if his wife was a muscle digger, the aesthetic form of a gold digger, and she left him after he gave up bodybuilding. Then it's very understandable that he would still be insecure and single after 4 years.
> 
> But to tell the truth I've seen his pics and heard what you told me about him and I think he's a diamond in the rough. Give him a second chance and hear him out. He may be the man you end up marrying after all.


I have real potential with him nsweet... you know some people you just click with? hes one of those for me... but i dont want to have to chase him and do all the work.... we would make a good couple, i can tell...

though now i have potentially have both killer and slow hat going....hmm how to handle all of this?


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> Because it's usually a make or break moment. I dated a girl a few times, tried to kiss her, she resisted, that was the end of that.
> 
> Now she doesn't know why I never called her again.


Some women are slow fuzes.


----------



## hope4family

Disenchanted said:


> Escalation is very hard for some guys.
> 
> Just do it! I love the rush, whether it works or not, it's fun to try.
> 
> Guy sounds shy like I used to be.


Dis, nice to see you around man. 

@Unsure
Forget shyness too. Some men like me, probably wouldn't make a move in two dates. Especially depending on how the dates went and whether or not one person or another talked about an "ex". 

I'll never forget when me and ex started dating. She mentioned her ex, and I had no intentions of being physical after that. We kept dating though or rather "hanging out", eventually she initiated contact. We were making out by the end of the night. 

But I had no intention of taking it physical, until I got a green light. 

Just because a man isn't aggressive, doesn't mean he is gay. You may want to be taken, but some good men don't do that. Maybe i'm being beta. Once I got the green light (hand holding) the rest didn't take long. Just sayin.


----------



## vi_bride04

Eh, keep slow hat at a distance for now. If he really is interested in you, he can step up his game. I'm not saying don't be friendly or whatever, but don't be the one to bring up seeing each other. The blow off without a text and then NC for a month then all of a sudden popping back in I would find annoying, almost game playing. 

Have your fun with killer hat.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> I have real potential with him nsweet... you know some people you just click with? hes one of those for me... but i dont want to have to chase him and do all the work.... we would make a good couple, i can tell...


Interesting. I've had this, too. It's rare for me to feel a connection with anyone. It's just an anomaly; blue moon-type of thing so when I do, it's kind of surprising. In a fun way.



unsure78 said:


> though now i have potentially have both killer and slow hat going....hmm how to handle all of this?


I say date them both.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> Dis, nice to see you around man.
> 
> @Unsure
> Forget shyness too. Some men like me, probably wouldn't make a move in two dates. Especially depending on how the dates went and whether or not one person or another talked about an "ex".
> 
> I'll never forget when me and ex started dating. She mentioned her ex, and I had no intentions of being physical after that. We kept dating though or rather "hanging out", eventually she initiated contact. We were making out by the end of the night.
> 
> But I had no intention of taking it physical, until I got a green light.
> 
> Just because a man isn't aggressive, doesn't mean he is gay. You may want to be taken, but some good men don't do that. Maybe i'm being beta. Once I got the green light (hand holding) the rest didn't take long. Just sayin.


Funny thats exactly what he calls it "hanging out"... and i tried getting a little physical with him last time... cuddling up, he was like frozen solid...


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Because it's usually a make or break moment. I dated a girl a few times, tried to kiss her, she resisted, that was the end of that.
> 
> Now she doesn't know why I never called her again.


Makes sense. 
Maybe she wasn't ready yet for a kiss though but she reached out to you again which indicates some interest.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> *I have real potential with him nsweet... you know some people you just click with? hes one of those for me... but i dont want to have to chase him and do all the work.... we would make a good couple, i can tell...*
> 
> though now i have potentially have both killer and slow hat going....hmm how to handle all of this?


Oh man...now that makes it hard...

B/c yeah, those people don't come across in your life very often at all.


----------



## Jellybeans

I have experienced a "slow one," too. We went on two great dates then a month in between before the next one. We went out two more times, again, fun and some great kissing and then talked a bit afterward with me initiating our last contact, but now no contact for 2.5 weeks (he hasn't reached out). Not sure wtf is up with that. I like him and felt chemistry with him and it's annoying. I figure why go out w/ me at all if he's not into me? I am very physically attracted to him, too. Like, I want to hurt him. In bed.

Men, opinions? (Women, too).


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I say date them both.


lol...geeze I have become a muscle man dater....


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I have experienced a "slow one," too. We went on two great dates then a month in between before the next one. We went out two more times, again, fun and some great kissing and then talked a bit afterward with me initiating our last contact, but now no contact for 2.5 weeks (he hasn't reached out). Not sure wtf is up with that. I like him and felt chemistry with him and it's annoying. I figure why go out w/ me at all if he's not into me? I am very physically attracted to him, too. Like, I want to hurt him. In bed.
> 
> Men, opinions? (Women, too).


wish I knew Jelly.... slow hat confuses me just as much


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Funny thats exactly what he calls it "hanging out"... and i tried getting a little physical with him last time... cuddling up, he was like frozen solid...


So... You 180 the next time!

Maybe you've never heard these rules and you're not used to it being a woman and not having to do all of the chasing, but I'll tell you what to do. When you go out with him you don't touch him, you don't talk sexual, you don't even look at him like you want to f*ck him. You just enjoy what he gives you and spend your date AS FRIENDS.

Whenever he rejects you on the date or gets cold, then you act like it's not a big deal and withdraw back to whatever you were doing. It's like trying to catch a 20lb catfish on a 10lb line, you never jerk the line or crank down on the drag... you'll lose it that way. You gotta go with what he wants and if he wants a friend in you then that's what you give him. 

I really just don't think you're used to the slower approach being the blonde bombshell you are. There are just some men and women who need your friendship first in order to come out of their shell. And with that you don't pitch a fit over what they want not being what you want, you listen to them and don't argue... Just. Like. The 180. Don't argue, agree. Always be agreeing!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I have experienced a "slow one," too. We went on two great dates then a month in between before the next one. We went out two more times, again, fun and some great kissing and then talked a bit afterward with me initiating our last contact, but now no contact for 2.5 weeks (he hasn't reached out). Not sure wtf is up with that. I like him and felt chemistry with him and it's annoying. I figure why go out w/ me at all if he's not into me? I am very physically attracted to him, too. Like, I want to hurt him. In bed.
> 
> Men, opinions? (Women, too).


Why are you asking women about men? 

Ask a guy, we're incredibly simple to figure out (to other guys) and know guy code. You want to know what's up? *He just wasn't that into you.* It's no big deal. 

Some guys will go on dates with women they like and something will weird them out or they just lose interest, or could just be a bad time for him to be putting himself out there. You'll never know and unfortunately there's no way of preventing this in the future. 

The only thing you can do after something like this is date other people. Preferably at least 2 or 3 at the same time if you have a problem with one-itis.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> So... You 180 the next time!
> 
> Maybe you've never heard these rules and you're not used to it being a woman and not having to do all of the chasing, but I'll tell you what to do. When you go out with him you don't touch him, you don't talk sexual, you don't even look at him like you want to f*ck him. You just enjoy what he gives you and spend your date AS FRIENDS.
> 
> Whenever he rejects you on the date or gets cold, then you act like it's not a big deal and withdraw back to whatever you were doing. It's like trying to catch a 20lb catfish on a 10lb line, you never jerk the line or crank down on the drag... you'll lose it that way. You gotta go with what he wants and if he wants a friend in you then that's what you give him.
> 
> I really just don't think you're used to the slower approach being the blonde bombshell you are. There are just some men and women who need your friendship first in order to come out of their shell. And with that you don't pitch a fit over what they want not being what you want, you listen to them and don't argue... Just. Like. The 180. Don't argue, agree. Always be agreeing!


yea im used to having to turn them down or slow them down not the other way around... so its confusing for me


----------



## Disenchanted

Nsweet said:


> Some women are slow fuzes.


In retrospect I think she was trying to impress me with how non-slvtty she is. Too late, so sad.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Why are you asking women about men?
> 
> Ask a guy, we're incredibly simple to figure out (to other guys) and know guy code. You want to know what's up? *He just wasn't that into you.* It's no big deal.


I asked women, too because I like to get objective opinions from everybody! 

So what if this slow one reaches out to me again, wanting to go out? I did like him and again felt we had chemistry. Then what?


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I asked women, too because I like to get objective opinions from everybody!
> 
> So what if this slow one reaches out to me again, wanting to go out? I did like him and again felt we had chemistry. Then what?


Then you date him. You're single right? So there's no problem. 

If someone from your past reaches out to you, and it's not an ex who burned you who can't be trusted, you date them. It's called "rehashing" or "revitalizing", basically giving them another shot. That's why you want to keep their number too... so you remember their name from a voice on the phone.


----------



## hope4family

Men who don't initiate contact after 3-5 dates aren't slow. 2 months & nothing. Yeah i'd say that's slow and ask for a definition of the relationship at that point. 

You ladies obviously haven't looked at this from a mans angle too. I've had to "ask" to kiss a girl or to tell me when she is ready because I was her first. (Were talking a 22 year old woman.)

Again, everyone here has been around the block. Some more then others. But if I can find women who are like this in there 20's and on, (who are really slow) its sexist to think that men can't be the same way. Even after 4 years of marriage. 

That being said, you may also be "feeling" the connection. he may not. Here is a list of other reasons a guy can be slow. 

1) Faith or religion commitments towards no sex before Marriage or something very serious. (IE she is a keeper.) 

2) Commitment to not have sex until a certain time after breakup from previous relationship. 

3) A trigger or red flag you display (to him) that he is waiting to see if you are legit before giving trust. 

4) Did I mention ex? 

5) Still working on his heartbreak. But doesn't want to break it off with you because he feels you are a "healthy" person. 

6) You are just friends and he just isn't bringing up the topic of what this relationship is. Neither are you, plausible denial.


----------



## hope4family

I meant to add. That initiating cuddling while obvious to some people. To others, they are ingrained for it to mean nothing. 

A female I dance with that I don't really know but know well enough the other day sat on my lap, snuggled into my shoulder, and put my arms around her. Does that suddenly mean we are dating, intimate, that she wants more? Possibly, but also likely that she is just looking for a need to be met.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> Men who don't initiate contact after 3-5 dates aren't slow. 2 months & nothing. Yeah i'd say that's slow and ask for a definition of the relationship at that point.


Huh? First you said it's not slow then you said it's slow. Is it even a relationship to define if there isn't a consistency? I like consistency.



hope4family said:


> You ladies obviously haven't looked at this from a mans angle too. I've had to "ask" to kiss a girl or to tell me when she is ready because I was her first. (Were talking a 22 year old woman.)
> 
> Again, everyone here has been around the block


Well you are right... I'm not 22 and I am not a virgin (even in my bedroom inaction tells a different story completely). So that doesn't apply to me. I 



hope4family said:


> That being said, you may also be "feeling" the connection. he may not. Here is a list of other reasons a guy can be slow.


All valid points.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Huh? First you said it's not slow then you said it's slow. Is it even a relationship to define if there isn't a consistency? I like consistency.
> 
> 
> 
> Well you are right... I'm not 22 and I am not a virgin (even in my bedroom inaction tells a different story completely). So that doesn't apply to me. I
> 
> 
> 
> All valid points.



Two months and nothing is slow if you are seeing each other alot. But 3-5 dates in 2 months? That isn't slow at all, you have barely been around each other. That's what I meant with the original context. 

As far as my female example. Meh, I gave extreme examples from my very very small sample size. I don't deny that. 

So you are older, more mature, and feel you can move Faster. 

Well i'm older then 22. More mature (ok maybe not so much lol) and I feel I need to move slower now when it comes to initiating physical contact. At some point, that may change. But, just like you dont have to, neither do I.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> Two months and nothing is slow if you are seeing each other alot. But 3-5 dates in 2 months? That isn't slow at all, you have barely been around each other. That's what I meant with the original context.


So you are saying that that amount of dates is ok and not "slow" for two months? 



hope4family said:


> Well i'm older then 22. More mature (ok maybe not so much lol) and I feel I need to move slower now when it comes to initiating physical contact. At some point, that may change. But, just like you dont have to, neither do I.


Makes sense.


----------



## Disenchanted

I think that no matter what happens in all circumstances, after whatever number of dates it is, something has got to happen. Otherwise you get stuck in a spiral downwards into the friend zone.

Like slow hat dude, now unsure's therapist thinks he might be gay, unsure doesn't know if he's interested, blah blah blah.

At some point something has to happen and it I have learned that I will not waste my time with a woman by giving her confusing ambiguous signals. YOU CAN NOT DO THAT.

There is no "Let's be friends for now and see what happens" TOTAL MYTH. 

Sex and physical interaction can be different. But if I take a girl out on a date or two, I will decide whether I am physically interested and I will MAKE IT CLEAR TO HER WHAT MY INTENTIONS ARE.

That is of paramount importance. Even if just a kiss, holding hands, whatever. 

This is why I ditched the waitress I was dating, we'd been out 3 times and she wasn't ready for a kiss. I made it PERFECTLY clear that I was physically interested in her, not pushing for sex or anythinhg, but making sure she knew that I expected, at some point in the near future, to get physical with her.

She gave me VERY mixed signals, totally ambiguous.

Life is to short for that bullsh!t.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Makes sense.
> Maybe she wasn't ready yet for a kiss though but she reached out to you again which indicates some interest.


I call that playing games. I'm not going emotionally invest in someone who can't be clear with me.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I have experienced a "slow one," too. We went on two great dates then a month in between before the next one. We went out two more times, again, fun and some great kissing and then talked a bit afterward with me initiating our last contact, but now no contact for 2.5 weeks (he hasn't reached out). Not sure wtf is up with that. I like him and felt chemistry with him and it's annoying. I figure why go out w/ me at all if he's not into me? I am very physically attracted to him, too. Like, I want to hurt him. In bed.
> 
> Men, opinions? (Women, too).


Well this is actually a tactic for building attraction.

He's playing a game, trying to be cool. 

If I were in your shoes I'd move on, personally.

Been through that crap long enough. 

I think if you are going to date someone, once a week is a good place to start. Not a text or call once a month.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Well this is actually a tactic for building attraction.
> 
> He's playing a game, trying to be cool.


Interesting. 

I felt a lot of chemistry w/ him but alas, I do like more consistency. It just sucks cause it is rare I ever like someone to go beyond a 2nd date. We went out a few times and kissed and it was great. But... who knows.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I have experienced a "slow one," too. We went on two great dates then a month in between before the next one. We went out two more times, again, fun and some great kissing and then talked a bit afterward with me initiating our last contact, but now no contact for 2.5 weeks (he hasn't reached out). Not sure wtf is up with that. I like him and felt chemistry with him and it's annoying. I figure why go out w/ me at all if he's not into me? I am very physically attracted to him, too. Like, I want to hurt him. In bed.
> 
> Men, opinions? (Women, too).


I have been out of the dating game for a while, but if I had a "slow one" I would simply move on.
I wouldn't care if I felt he was the one. I am sort of old fashioned. I want him to chase me. I would never chase

THat is how it was when I was single. I never had any problems finding dates. If anything, I was accused of being too "unapproachable". 
I say forget about him. Date other people. If I was in your situation, I would think he is not into me. If he has some deeper issues, then he can go and figure them out for himself. When he is ready, he can come back but who is to say I wouldn't have moved on by then?

On another issue, I am beginning to make a list of the qualities I want in a man when I date. I think I have daddy issues......

I want a man to take care of me.... so back to working on myself!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting.
> 
> I felt a lot of chemistry w/ him but alas, I do like more consistency. It just sucks cause it is rare I ever like someone to go beyond a 2nd date. We went out a few times and kissed and it was great. But... who knows.


Oh for god sakes, he's not playing a game. 

The goal of the game men play with women is to have sex with her. He didn't do that. He didn't have sex with you and then stop calling, he just stopped calling. Therefore it's not some game. 

He's just not that into you.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am sort of old fashioned. I want him to chase me. I would never chase


I am this way, too. I am a non-chaser and a non-clinger and I do like men to show interest.



ne9907 said:


> I think I have daddy issues......


LOL. Why do you think you have "daddy issues?"



Nsweet said:


> Oh for god sakes, he's not playing a game.
> 
> The goal of the game men play with women is to have sex with her. He didn't do that. He didn't have sex with you and then stop calling, he just stopped calling. Therefore it's not some game.
> 
> He's just not that into you.


Thanks for offering your POV. 

Great insights, everyone.


----------



## hope4family

@JellyBeans

It really does depend. 

If you are 3 dates in at 2 months, and the guy says he doesn't want to take it physical until he knows you are a keeper. Then i'd say that's pretty fair. 

If he is doing nothing, probably just not that into you. That being said, if the dude isn't saying anything. Plausible deniability. Not a great trait as it goes hand in hand with stringing someone along. I would tell you to ask where this relationship is headed and why. 

One of the females I was dating and we were taking it really slow. I asked her to define the relationship, and she poured her emotional heart out of feelings that she was holding inside. All we had done was cuddle and hold hands at that point.

That being said, I think relationships that move that slow are behind me. But i'm sure it won't be the same for everyone.


----------



## Jellybeans

My thing is: why keep going out with someone several times if you aren't into them (if that were the case). I don't get it. Because it' snot something I"d do. I would never get beyond the second date w/ someone I did not like/wasn't interested in... let alone go out dates 4 and 5...


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> My thing is: why keep going out with someone several times if you aren't into them (if that were the case). I don't get it. Because it' snot something I"d do. I would never get beyond the second date w/ someone I did not like/wasn't interested in... let alone go out dates 4 and 5...


Nice guy syndrome....

If someone isn't confident in who they are or what they want would also cause the "hmmm we'll see" attitude as well I think.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> My thing is: why keep going out with someone several times if you aren't into them (if that were the case). I don't get it. Because it' snot something I"d do. I would never get beyond the second date w/ someone I did not like/wasn't interested in... let alone go out dates 4 and 5...


In my mind, you fill a need. Desire to be wanting. 

Had this one girl I would chase after. Ask her out. Always busy. I would go NC. 3 months later, she would start talking. We would talk for several days, I'd try again like a sucker. Blow me off. 

I filled a need. Built her confidence up. Can't men be the same way?


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Nice guy syndrome....
> 
> If someone isn't confident in who they are or what they want would also cause the "hmmm we'll see" attitude as well I think.


That is stupid. Seriously, don't ask me out if you aren't into me (and take me on lovely dates, act like you are interested in me, etc).

People are annoying.


----------



## Nsweet

Lol, you guys are way over thinking this. 

*Why would someone keep going out with you if they're just not that into you?* It's simpler than you think. It's not playing games, it's not because they're testing you, it's not them stringing you along, none of that. It's either because they're bored or lonely, PERIOD. 

Take away the dating aspect and it's just like how you will talk to a stranger at a bus stop or next to you in an airplane. Even like how a cheating spouse will go out with their faithful spouse and not be affectionate. They like you, but you're just not triggering that dopamine high and magical spark that ignites attraction.

And if you wanted to get deeper into the theories, the reason why they like you enough to go out with you but not enough to go further is because you're not flipping on their attraction switches. Usually with women attracting men, his attraction switches are all stuff having to do with you being impressed with him, sort of feeding his ego a little and cheering him on, but not letting him over step his boundaries. 

And there's a lot of testing that goes on where men will push to see how far they can get with you. And sex and/or kissing too soon is just one of those tests. That may have been it Jellybeans. But more of those attraction switches have to deal with those qualities that make you stand out from other women. He tries to sweet talk you into sex on the first date and you make him wait, he shows you his vulnerable side and you reward him like you have been doing, etc. 

There's a lot of these so called attraction switches that are really just best qualities of yours to be honest. I could list as many as I could think of but it would just be easier to to give a general idea of what men are looking for in women for a relationship. And that's usually a woman like his mom or his sister, or female caretaker closest to him. I'm speaking of course of the emotional comfort, not anything dealing with incest. 

You have to be someone who break his balls like his sister, hold him like his mom, make him laugh like his female friends, and show interest in him like first girlfriend. All of that wrapped up with some shared core values and a few common interests is what men are looking for in a wife. (Even though some of you think we're looking for maids and nannies.) 

We also like the game and the challenge of dating and engagement. The fighting and making up too. It's exciting, the whole adventure of dating to engagement and marriage is like fulfilling your destiny to win her heart steal her away from all other men. It's just WHOO! It's a rush! It really is. It's like graduating from college when you never thought you'd see the day and thought you would spend the rest of your life going to other colleges and become a rock star.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> *Why would someone keep going out with you if they're just not that into you?* It's simpler than you think. It's not playing games, it's not because they're testing you, it's not them stringing you along, none of that. It's either because they're bored or lonely, PERIOD.
> 
> Take away the dating aspect and it's just like how you will talk to a stranger at a bus stop or next to you in an airplane. Even like how a cheating spouse will go out with their faithful spouse and not be affectionate. They like you, but you're just not triggering that dopamine high and magical spark that ignites attraction.


Well see, this is where I differ w/ what you are saying. I personally, would not at all continue to go out with someone if they aren't "switching my attraction switches." I don't believe in wasting time. My time or someone else's. One time out, ok. Two? Maybe. But beyond that, fvck no. I have no time for that. If I am not attracted to someone, I simply end it there. I don't believe in leading people on and expect the same of others.

Which is why I thought he was into me-because he kept inviting me out on dates.



Nsweet said:


> And there's a lot of testing that goes on where men will push to see how far they can get with you. And sex and/or kissing too soon is just one of those tests. That may have been it Jellybeans.


We did not have sex. 



Nsweet said:


> You have to be someone who break his balls like his sister, hold him like his mom, make him laugh like his female friends, and show interest in him like first girlfriend. All of that wrapped up with some shared core values and a few common interests is what men are looking for in a wife. (Even though some of you think we're looking for maids and nannies.)


So many checklists. 

Attraction is a funny ting. It's so odd how someone can be so attracted to you and someone else not. And you to someone and maybe not to someone else. Humans. We are so strange!


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Slow hat is a guy that i have been talking with since Aug.... he is slow hat cause its taking him forever to make a move.... we have been on like 2 dates... we actually really connect but he seems to have an issue, whether its extreme shyness or something else I dont know... he is very bold in text but in person he seems shy, he has a hard time looking me in the eye and making a move. Then he tends to back off for a while...





unsure78 said:


> We havent even kissed yet...
> 
> He pissed me off because we were supposed to possibly hang out and he blew me off with out even a text...





unsure78 said:


> He says he hasnt dated much over the last year and hes been divorced for i think 4 years.... he comes off as very shy and maybe insecure... hes the former pro bodybuilder..





unsure78 said:


> wish I knew Jelly.... slow hat confuses me just as much


Perhaps I can give you a little insight into slow hat...

He's gun shy. He wants a relationship with you, but past experience is telling him it won't turn out well. So, he's acting like a beaten puppy dog... He wants the Milkbone, but is scared of getting hit when he takes it.

He is confident on the internet, because it's like standing on the parapets of a castle and shouting at the enemy on the other side of the moat. He can take the time to carefully choose his words, when he replies to you, and that helps him feel safe, comfortable, protected.

Meeting with you in person is like stepping outside that castle, crossing the drawbridge and meeting the enemy face-to-face on the battlefield. You need to decide and act without hesitation and without time to think. It can be terrifying, if you aren't used it.

The masculine-macho culture that can come with bodybuilding probably isn't making him feel any better about it, either... He's almost certainly all too aware that he should be moving forward faster, but at the same time he's knows he not quite ready for it and is beating himself up over it (remember Houstondad's thread about the coworker he wanted to ask out?).

Pushing him won't want to make him come out from behind the walls. It'll likely scare him all the more into hiding harder. So, you really have two (maybe three) choices when it comes to Slowhat...

First, you can cut your losses and dump him.

Second, you can stick with him and be gently patient. It's going to take for him to get comfortable "hanging out" with you... But, if he's really into you, he will eventually. You'll have to decide if that's worth it.

Third, optionally, you can friend zone him until he's more comfortable around women. Once he's got his head on straight, if you haven't found someone else by then, you could put him back in the line-up and give him a second chance.

That said...



unsure78 said:


> yea im used to having to turn them down or slow them down not the other way around... so its confusing for me


So, he's saving you the trouble of dealing with two of your most common problems trying on hats... And that bothers you?

You don't have to turn him down and you don't have to slow him down. Those aren't necessarily bad things. They just feel strange and confusing because, as you say yourself, it's not something you're normally used to.

You might think about letting yourself get used to it.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Well see, this is where I differ w/ what you are saying. I personally, would not at all continue to go out with someone if they aren't "switching my attraction switches." I don't believe in wasting time. My time or someone else's. One time out, ok. Two? Maybe. But beyond that, fvck no. I have no time for that. If I am not attracted to someone, I simply end it there. I don't believe in leading people on and expect the same of others.
> 
> Which is why I thought he was into me-because he kept inviting me out on dates.
> *Well, at least now your boundaries are stronger and you can prevent anything like that the next time.*
> 
> 
> We did not have sex.
> 
> 
> 
> So many checklists.
> 
> Attraction is a funny ting. It's so odd how someone can be so attracted to you and someone else not. And you to someone and maybe not to someone else. Humans. We are so strange!


It's odd. I get a lot of this stuff easily, I still study up on psychology and certain topics (for fun not PUA), and I'm not even sure I understand this stuff. We're not all that different when it comes to children and the ego, and certain tests done on 4yos work for 44yos all the same. The Marshmallow Test for example.

The thing that always gets me is how everyone says "just be yourself", but after decades of life and all these learned coping strategies and defense mechanisms against attacks to the ego... you're not yourself even when you're trying to be yourself. 

The only time you're going to be yourself is when you completely give up trying to be anything when everything isn't filtered anymore. Sort of like how you are when you're in pain or something so traumatic has just happened that you're stunned and all that comes through is the unfiltered responses. That's what alcohol usually does for you if your a nervous dater. It slows down inhibition and reaction time. 

What's funny about all of that is it's usually when you give up looking for someone, just completely give up trying and just decide to have fun. That's when you're real you shines through and you find a person like *snap* that. It happens almost over night at that point. And that's what a lot of these PUAs fake, but there's no real way to fake that kind of freedom. 

It's like how many times have you said you were done and then whoop here you have another date.:rofl: That's how it was for me meeting my ex. Just got jumped by a horrible ex girlfriend for another girl, had another shortly lived relationship (no sex) that was over before it began. I stopped caring and.... holy crap how did I end up getting married!?:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> What's funny about all of that is it's usually when you give up looking for someone, just completely give up trying and just decide to have fun.


Agreed. I have always met people I connect with/go on to date when I least expect it. It's kind of funny.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> My thing is: why keep going out with someone several times if you aren't into them (if that were the case). I don't get it. Because it' snot something I"d do. I would never get beyond the second date w/ someone I did not like/wasn't interested in... let alone go out dates 4 and 5...


JB, this is what I went through with Mr NoChem. We saw each other like five times in two weeks, and TO ME, that indicates more that just a friendly kind of interest in someone! I was like, WOW, he really likes me! So since I was so attracted to him, thats why I had felt safe enough to let him know I didnt want to date anyone else and requested exclusivity. (of course now we have really complicated things!  ) So I am on the same page as you with this issue.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> What's funny about all of that is it's usually when you give up looking for someone, just completely give up trying and just decide to have fun. That's when you're real you shines through and you find a person like *snap* that. It happens almost over night at that point. And that's what a lot of these PUAs fake, but there's no real way to fake that kind of freedom.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Perhaps I can give you a little insight into slow hat...
> 
> He's gun shy. He wants a relationship with you, but past experience is telling him it won't turn out well. So, he's acting like a beaten puppy dog... He wants the Milkbone, but is scared of getting hit when he takes it.
> 
> He is confident on the internet, because it's like standing on the parapets of a castle and shouting at the enemy on the other side of the moat. He can take the time to carefully choose his words, when he replies to you, and that helps him feel safe, comfortable, protected.
> 
> Meeting with you in person is like stepping outside that castle, crossing the drawbridge and meeting the enemy face-to-face on the battlefield. You need to decide and act without hesitation and without time to think. It can be terrifying, if you aren't used it.
> 
> The masculine-macho culture that can come with bodybuilding probably isn't making him feel any better about it, either... He's almost certainly all too aware that he should be moving forward faster, but at the same time he's knows he not quite ready for it and is beating himself up over it (remember Houstondad's thread about the coworker he wanted to ask out?).
> 
> Pushing him won't want to make him come out from behind the walls. It'll likely scare him all the more into hiding harder. So, you really have two (maybe three) choices when it comes to Slowhat...
> 
> First, you can cut your losses and dump him.
> 
> Second, you can stick with him and be gently patient. It's going to take for him to get comfortable "hanging out" with you... But, if he's really into you, he will eventually. You'll have to decide if that's worth it.
> 
> Third, optionally, you can friend zone him until he's more comfortable around women. Once he's got his head on straight, if you haven't found someone else by then, you could put him back in the line-up and give him a second chance.
> 
> That said...
> 
> 
> 
> So, he's saving you the trouble of dealing with two of your most common problems trying on hats... And that bothers you?
> 
> You don't have to turn him down and you don't have to slow him down. Those aren't necessarily bad things. They just feel strange and confusing because, as you say yourself, it's not something you're normally used to.
> 
> You might think about letting yourself get used to it.


Thanks PB... that's some good perspective


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> JB, this is what I went through with Mr NoChem. We saw each other like five times in two weeks, and TO ME, that indicates more that just a friendly kind of interest in someone! I was like, WOW, he really likes me! So since I was so attracted to him, thats why I had felt safe enough to let him know I didnt want to date anyone else and requested exclusivity. (of course now we have really complicated things!  ) So I am on the same page as you with this issue.


I totally understand why you would have felt that way, 3X. People are such bullshltters! Be glad this guy did you how he (didn't) feel. This guy I was involved with has just been out of touch, doing the fade which I find ever so fvcking annoying. The good thing though is I am anti-chase so I haven't reached out to him. 

I think it's better to know than not know.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Thanks PB... that's some good perspective


It's a point of view I am intimately familiar with.


----------



## ne9907

If I was a dish, today I would be an insipid lump of mash potatoes.


----------



## Pbartender

ne9907 said:


> If I was a dish, today I would be an insipid lump of mash potatoes.


Gravy, anyone?


----------



## angelpixie

Or maybe some parmesan? Oooo, garlic....

(mashed potatoes are only as insipid as you want them to be)


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> If I was a dish, today I would be an insipid lump of mash potatoes.


So that makes you....

-A hot little side dish.

-Loved by everyone.

-Buttery and delicious.

-Tasty and bad for you.

:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> JB, this is what I went through with Mr NoChem. We saw each other like five times in two weeks, and TO ME, that indicates more that just a friendly kind of interest in someone! I was like, WOW, he really likes me! So since I was so attracted to him, thats why I had felt safe enough to let him know I didnt want to date anyone else and requested exclusivity. (of course now we have really complicated things!  ) So I am on the same page as you with this issue.



Thing is though , sometimes he or she might keep seeing you just for company and to hang with for awhile to. Have done that myself .Usually though if one ends up not happy with it , time to go l guess .


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> If I was a dish, today I would be an insipid lump of mash potatoes.



Mashed potatoes hey , not feeling too exotic today then


----------



## whitehawk

I can advise :rofl: , any females feeling like being a dish , best keep coconut outa the deal 
Had a nasty run in with a coconut dish once, or should l say she did, it didn't end pretty .


----------



## Jellybeans

Coconut? I am so lost...


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Thing is though , sometimes he or she might keep seeing you just for company and to hang with for awhile to. Have done that myself.


This is called leading someone on if you know the other person likes you. Games.


----------



## hope4family

JB I just realized we are only a few years apart. 

*clears throat

YOU SHOULD KNOW ALL THESE THINGS ALREADY. 

*/end clears throat*

But ya'know, there are a lot of things about the female race i'm still learning and I lived with 5 of em. No I don't count Mothers. Just siblings. OY....


----------



## RandomDude

This year is so fked up, started off with a reconciliatory process with my wife, split up on v-day after a fight, went on dating sites, got scammed, went on meetup, found no one my type, went out with wife's friend, got into trouble, wife initiated reconciliation, I rejected her, then went out with my laundry lady, dumped her cause I wasn't ready, tried to reconcile with wife, wife kept being a b-tch, dumped her again, and now she refuses to sign for divorce...

So now... alone for xmas, with dramas abundant. I swear I'm a dumb fk >.<
Bah, nvm, just rambling


----------



## unsure78

killer hat tonight...... this boy..no, MAN, knows what hes doing...


----------



## Jellybeans

Braggart!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> This year is so fked up, started off with a reconciliatory process with my wife, split up on v-day after a fight, went on dating sites, got scammed, went on meetup, found no one my type, went out with wife's friend, got into trouble, wife initiated reconciliation, I rejected her, then went out with my laundry lady, dumped her cause I wasn't ready, tried to reconcile with wife, wife kept being a b-tch, dumped her again, and now she refuses to sign for divorce...
> 
> So now... alone for xmas, with dramas abundant. I swear I'm a dumb fk >.<
> Bah, nvm, just rambling


Sorry, dear. Hopefully 2014 will be better


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Braggart!


LOL.... I will cheer you on when you start getting some Jelly...

I really dont think hes going to last long but god damn im going to enjoy him in the mean time.... You want me too see if he has a muscle bound friend for you? We could totally double date....

Whats your type of guy Jelly?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

JB, have you posted a pic of yourself? I'd love to see ya!  And Unsure, I gotta admit I am pretty jealous about killer hat! 

So Mr NoChem has asked me to be his date at a Christmas party Saturday. Skeptically hopeful.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> LOL.... I will cheer you on when you start getting some Jelly...


Aw, thanks for worrying about but at this rate I may be dead before I get laid again. Sadness.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, thanks for worrying about but at this rate I may be dead before I get laid again. Sadness.


Yea I thought that too... and just when things seemed hopeless...



Tell me more about mr nochem 3x.... 

Yea I wanna see a Jelly pic too... You guys can see me in my private album since you are my friends..


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> JB, have you posted a pic of yourself? I'd love to see ya!  And Unsure, I gotta admit I am pretty jealous about killer hat!
> 
> So Mr NoChem has asked me to be his date at a Christmas party Saturday. Skeptically hopeful.


Gah. Are you going to go? Maybe you need to talk to him, chick. 

No pics of JB.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> since you are my friends..


Indeed we are :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Gah. Are you going to go? Maybe you need to talk to him, chick.
> 
> No pics of JB.


Yes I am going. I added an album with a couple of shots of him if my friends want to see. Its funny because he looks so serious, but IRL he is always smiling!

Why no pics of JB??? (pouts)


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh wow. I didn't even know we could do albums on TAM! 

I love that you titled it "Mr. No Chem."

No pics--for now. I like to stay undercover.  But there are a few folks on here who have "seen" me. Muahaha.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and at this rate, I may have a funeral for my vagina. 
So so sad.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes I am going. I added an album with a couple of shots of him if my friends want to see. Its funny because he looks so serious, but IRL he is always smiling!
> 
> Why no pics of JB??? (pouts)


Oh hes cute 3X.......nice, so you dont like him?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Oh wow. I didn't even know we could do albums on TAM!
> 
> I love that you titled it "Mr. No Chem."
> 
> No pics--for now. I like to stay undercover.  But there are a few folks on here who have "seen" me. Muahaha.


Well of course! How else would you know who it is, lol??



unsure78 said:


> Oh hes cute 3X.......nice, so you dont like him?


Oh no, I adore him! He isnt feeling the same though. (yet!! hahaha!)


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh no, I adore him! He isnt feeling the same though. (yet!! hahaha!)


Ahh, I see... how many dates have you had with him? What did he say to indicate hes not feeling you? But he invited you to his Christmas party?


----------



## badcompany

3x, he looks like one of the guys from gold rush lol.
I was bugging Jelly for pics awhile back, don't think it's going to happen

Common jelly set up a time window and post up a pic
Pretty please with sugar on top?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Ahh, I see... how many dates have you had with him? What did he say to indicate hes not feeling you? But he invited you to his Christmas party?


Check out my "going to throw up" thread. He had said he just wasnt feeling a chemistry with me. It seems like he may be examining things now that he has gotten out and dated a little. Or maybe I am too optimistic. I am willing to ride this out and see where it ends up!


----------



## badcompany

3Xnocharm said:


> I am willing to ride this out and see where it ends up!


Mr. No Chem is a lucky man


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> Mr. No Chem is a lucky man


Aw, THANKS!


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and at this rate, I may have a funeral for my vagina.
> So so sad.




You can get through this.


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> I was bugging Jelly for pics awhile back, don't think it's going to happen
> 
> Common jelly set up a time window and post up a pic
> Pretty please with sugar on top?


Haha! :rofl:




hope4family said:


> You can get through this.


I hope so because DAMN!...


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and at this rate, I may have a funeral for my vagina.
> So so sad.


Jellybeans, maybe it's time to get online and start dating?


----------



## unsure78

badcompany said:


> Jellybeans, maybe it's time to get online and start dating?


yea all my recent ones have come from online dating....


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> Jellybeans, maybe it's time to get online and start dating?


I have been "dating" but I don't do online... Lol.


----------



## Lon

I've been missing this thread for the past 10 months! Nice to see all you fine men and women keeping busay...


----------



## Clawed

I see some talking about posting pics. Is there a place to post them outside of your public profile?


----------



## badcompany

Clawed, you can post them in an album only your tam friends can see.


----------



## badcompany

3Xnocharm said:


> Aw, THANKS!


I mean it, I was about to hunt him down on the dating site and tell him what a douche he was being. Hope he'll warm up and doesn't have BPD or something.


----------



## Pbartender

Apropos of nothing...

How to Take Care of a Hat | The Art of Manliness


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> I mean it, I was about to hunt him down on the dating site and tell him what a douche he was being. Hope he'll warm up and doesn't have BPD or something.


Thanks BC, you made my day!


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> I have been "dating" but I don't do online... Lol.


Women online have it made, as there is far more guys than women on most dating sites. Try it. 
The nice thing is you get to pre-sort "applicants" before you ever meet them via pictures profile and "chemistry" if the site has those options. Simply view some profiles and guys that are interested will see that and message you.


----------



## Jellybeans

I'll pass. But maybe one day.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

There may be MORE guys, but that doesnt mean there is a big choice of GOOD guys. Jeesh you should SEE some of them! Or even better, READ what they say!


----------



## Clawed

3Xnocharm said:


> There may be MORE guys, but that doesnt mean there is a big choice of GOOD guys. Jeesh you should SEE some of them! Or even better, READ what they say!


If the girls' profiles are any indication, I can only imagine just how bad some of the guy's are!

In terms of online dating - what app or dating site does everyone here tend to use?


----------



## badcompany

You do have to pick thru them male or female. 
But in reality with people our age that are busy with work and kids it's the only way especially when compatibility is not the greatest.
Having a funeral for your vag is not acceptable Jelly, if you're not going to get out there and try


----------



## badcompany

Clawed said:


> If the girls profiles are any indication, I can only imagine just how bad some of the guy's are!
> 
> In terms of online dating - what app or dating site does everyone here tend to use?


POF for quantity and match for quality, in my opinion.
I've been kicking around eharmony because of my personality type and it's extensive matching "engine" but I doubt many would be on it in my locale.


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> Having a funeral for your vag is not acceptable Jelly, if you're not going to get out there and try


I get sad just reading that.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and at this rate, I may have a funeral for my vagina.
> So so sad.


To paraphrase a (mis)quote of Mark Twain:

Reports of your vagina's death have been greatly exaggerated. :rofl:

And I have seen your pic, JB. You are a flipping knockout, girl! It will happen -- as I've said before, if it can happen for me, then it WILL happen for you. Don't give up hope.


----------



## angelpixie

And you're a very pretty lady, too, 3x! :smthumbup:


----------



## badcompany

angelpixie said:


> To paraphrase a (mis)quote of Mark Twain:
> 
> Reports of your vagina's death have been greatly exaggerated. :rofl:
> 
> And I have seen your pic, JB. You are a flipping knockout, girl! /QUOTE]
> 
> At least describe please! Curious minds want to know


----------



## ne9907

Miss 3X you are a hottie! Your Mr Nochem is very handsome! Put your heart in a box and make him find the key! Have fun!!


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Apropos of nothing...
> 
> How to Take Care of a Hat | The Art of Manliness


It's always apropos to know how to care for one's hat.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

angelpixie said:


> And you're a very pretty lady, too, 3x! :smthumbup:





ne9907 said:


> Miss 3X you are a hottie! Your Mr Nochem is very handsome! Put your heart in a box and make him find the key! Have fun!!


Awww thanks you guys!!


----------



## Clawed

3Xnocharm said:


> Awww thanks you guys!!


OMG - 3x, you look SOO MUCH like my ex!

BTW, that's a really great thing, my ex is beautiful (evil, but beautiful


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> To paraphrase a (mis)quote of Mark Twain:
> 
> Reports of your vagina's death have been greatly exaggerated. :rofl:


Do you know something I don't know? :scratchhead: Lol



angelpixie said:


> And I have seen your pic, JB. You are a flipping knockout, girl! It will happen -- as I've said before, if it can happen for me, then it WILL happen for you. Don't give up hope.


Aww, thanks. And I sure do hope so about my vagina! I am not ready for a funeral at this age! LOL.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



badcompany said:


> Having a funeral for your vag is not acceptable Jelly, if you're not going to get out there and try


I agree with this.


----------



## unsure78

lon said:


> i've been missing this thread for the past 10 months! Nice to see all you fine men and women keeping busay...


lon... Hi!


----------



## angelpixie

Lon said:


> I've been missing this thread for the past 10 months! Nice to see all you fine men and women keeping busay...



Is this your way of telling us all that you're single again?


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Is this your way of telling us all that you're single again?


Gooble Gobble One of Us We Accept Her - YouTube


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> Is this your way of telling us all that you're single again?


Oh heck no, still going hot and heavy with my sexy ass gf. But if you are ever in SK she might grant me an exception for you Angel (a hall pass so to speak). :-D


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> Oh heck no, still going hot and heavy with my sexy ass gf. But if you are ever in SK she might grant me an exception for you Angel (a hall pass so to speak). :-D


Oh God that does sound nice. A hall pass for a TAM friend, HELL YEAH!


----------



## Lon

But I did get a new phone with more recent version of android which prompted me to catch up on some old threads


----------



## hope4family

Lon? how are those pushups coming along lol.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Oh God that does sound nice. A hall pass for a TAM friend, HELL YEAH!


You are speaking to the choir, don't need to convince me of the merits lol, now as to the repercussions, it might never turn out well...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



hope4family said:


> Lon? how are those pushups coming along lol.


Been so busy with other things, they have gone by the wayside


----------



## Clawed

Nsweet said:


> Oh God that does sound nice. A hall pass for a TAM friend, HELL YEAH!


I like the concept, sounds great, in theory.

Makes me wonder, in general though, how many TAM friends actually meet in-person (not necessarily in a hall-pass scenario though)? Are there any success stories out there? Especially from individuals in this thread? I'm still releatively new so I have not heard of any yet.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> You are speaking to the choir, don't need to convince me of the merits lol, now as to the repercussions, it might never turn out well...


Yeah, but it would be guilty fun while it lasts. It would be even better if you find a way to eat bacon during sex.

And don't use my family's last name in your sentence.



Lon said:


> Been so busy with other things, they have gone by the wayside


I could help you with that. Just doing a couple sets of pushups one a week, with a non stop "push" doing them everyday for a few weeks every once in a while, I went from doing pushups on a wall to now doing uneven pushups with one hand on a basketball and the other on the ground. I'm like this " close to half one arm pushups, maybe this month. It's not a very long or hard workout, but recovery is good and it's easy to stay consistent.


----------



## Nsweet

Clawed said:


> I like the concept, sounds great, in theory.
> 
> Makes me wonder, in general though, how many TAM friends actually meet in-person (not necessarily in a hall-pass scenario though)? Are there any success stories out there? Especially from individuals in this thread? I'm still releatively new so I have not heard of any yet.


I heard one of the women that started TAM had an affair with a guy on TAM, and I know some people had a meet up with friends and went on double dates with their spouses. So yes, there have been success stories. 

I don't know about this thread though. Seems like talking about dating and sharing humiliating truths kinda kills the attraction. It's like hot divorced mom from a far vs. hot divorced mom you personally know way too much about.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I don't know about this thread though. Seems like talking about dating and sharing humiliating truths kinda kills the attraction. It's like hot divorced mom from a far vs. hot divorced mom you personally know way too much about.


:rofl: We're our own therapy support group!


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: We're our own therapy support group!


I thought that was the point of this site? 

You mean were supposed to be dating?


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I heard one of the women that started TAM had an affair with a guy on TAM, and I know some people had a meet up with friends and went on double dates with their spouses. So yes, there have been success stories.
> 
> I don't know about this thread though. Seems like talking about dating and sharing humiliating truths kinda kills the attraction. It's like hot divorced mom from a far vs. hot divorced mom you personally know way too much about.


Whaaaaa? You dont love me anymore Nsweet? hahahahahaahha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Whaaaaa? You dont love me anymore Nsweet? hahahahahaahha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, I'm not into blondes or breasts. Honestly.:rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

hope4family said:


> I thought that was the point of this site?
> 
> You mean were supposed to be dating?


Nope, screwing, jb. We are supposed to be screwing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> Nope, screwing, jb. We are supposed to be screwing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn I missed a lot of memos!

So... is there a catalog with all the TAM men? I want pictures, age, sexual prowess, and finances (so I will know whether they can afford a trip to see me or not, not going dutch on a plane ticket!)


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Damn I missed a lot of memos!
> 
> So... is there a catalog with all the TAM men? I want pictures, age, sexual prowess, and finances (so I will know whether they can afford a trip to see me or not, not going dutch on a plane ticket!)


I don't want to date you, but I'll happily be your wingman.:smthumbup: 

"Hey my man, I think that woman at the bar is checking you out.... Oh yeah, she's hot for you!":rofl:

I'm 25, so I could easily fit in with the college crowd and wrangle you up a couple cubs for your cougar fantasy. You could either clean house right before New Years with all the young guys looking to get lucky on the first, or pick up a few lonely guys who can't afford to go home for the holidays or who don't have any family in the area.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I don't want to date you, but I'll happily be your wingman.:smthumbup:
> 
> "Hey my man, I think that woman at the bar is checking you out.... Oh yeah, she's hot for you!":rofl:
> 
> I'm 25, so I could easily fit in with the college crowd and wrangle you up a couple cubs for your cougar fantasy. You could either clean house right before New Years with all the young guys looking to get lucky on the first, or pick up a few lonely guys who can't afford to go home for the holidays or who don't have any family in the area.


sounds like a plan!!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> This is called leading someone on if you know the other person likes you. Games.



Yeah well this is the thing. l don't wanna do that but you know how in that other thread they're say just have fun with it for awhile , easier said than done though.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Coconut? I am so lost...




Haha. Let me put it this way and then l won't get booted offa here.
Umm , just keep coconut outa there, should get you back on track :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> This year is so fked up, started off with a reconciliatory process with my wife, split up on v-day after a fight, went on dating sites, got scammed, went on meetup, found no one my type, went out with wife's friend, got into trouble, wife initiated reconciliation, I rejected her, then went out with my laundry lady, dumped her cause I wasn't ready, tried to reconcile with wife, wife kept being a b-tch, dumped her again, and now she refuses to sign for divorce...
> 
> So now... alone for xmas, with dramas abundant. I swear I'm a dumb fk >.<
> Bah, nvm, just rambling



Sorry to hear that dude but haha, that makes two of us . Got 20yrs on ya but mines been just as bad , worst yr of my fkg life in fact . 
Must be about time we throw our hands in the air and get very very drunk me thinks :smthumbup:

Might give that a go !


----------



## Another Planet

Me thinks Whitehawk, RandomDude, Nsweet, and I need to go for a crazy bender maybe?
End up somewhere strange? You guys game?


----------



## angelpixie

Another Planet said:


> Me thinks Whitehawk, RandomDude, Nsweet, and I need to end up somewhere strange


With the four of you guys all together, I think that's a given.  


:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Me thinks Whitehawk, RandomDude, Nsweet, and I need to go for a crazy bender maybe?
> End up somewhere strange? You guys game?


(inappropriate things I want to say but can't b/c I don't want to get banned)

LOL!!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Me thinks Whitehawk, RandomDude, Nsweet, and I need to go for a crazy bender maybe?
> End up somewhere strange? You guys game?



And hey , lets make that "real" strange :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> (inappropriate things I want to say but can't b/c I don't want to get banned)
> 
> LOL!!


So long as nothing gay goes on I'm game.:smthumbup: 

The last thing I want is to go out for drinks with some "friends" and wind up getting butt banged by a bunch of lonely drunken divorced dudes. I'm pretty and I got long hair, so I know that's going to go through their minds at some point that night.:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

pretty is right


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> pretty is right


You ever been hit on by a gay guy (that you didn't know was gay... or hitting on you) and then at the end he asks you out? It's an eye opening experience. It's like "Dude, why are you giving me your card with you private cell phone number, and telling me your wife will understand... What will she understand!? What's going on?!?!?" It's weird.:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

.....you sure do got a purdy mouth.....

Lol


----------



## Disenchanted

Nsweet said:


> You ever been hit on by a gay guy (that you didn't know was gay... or hitting on you) and then at the end he asks you out? It's an eye opening experience. It's like "Dude, why are you giving me your card with you private cell phone number, and telling me your wife will understand... What will she understand!? What's going on?!?!?" It's weird.:rofl:


yup


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> .....you sure do got a purdy mouth.....
> 
> Lol


Hi vi *wink wink*


----------



## Disenchanted

FYI this is me, behaving


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> pretty is right



Pretty , who's pretty


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> So long as nothing gay goes on I'm game.:smthumbup:
> 
> The last thing I want is to go out for drinks with some "friends" and wind up getting butt banged by a bunch of lonely drunken divorced dudes. I'm pretty and I got long hair, so I know that's going to go through their minds at some point that night.:rofl:


I'm old enough to know I'm not gay, I don't know about the other guys...


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> You ever been hit on by a gay guy (that you didn't know was gay... or hitting on you) and then at the end he asks you out? It's an eye opening experience. It's like "Dude, why are you giving me your card with you private cell phone number, and telling me your wife will understand... What will she understand!? What's going on?!?!?" It's weird.:rofl:


Yeah all the time. i guess im a pretty boy


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> You ever been hit on by a gay guy (that you didn't know was gay... or hitting on you) and then at the end he asks you out? It's an eye opening experience. It's like "Dude, why are you giving me your card with you private cell phone number, and telling me your wife will understand... What will she understand!? What's going on?!?!?" It's weird.:rofl:



It is . First l wrote details but then l see Planet summed it up much better so l'll go with that , feels better.
Yep , quite a few times


----------



## Another Planet

Is Disenchanted getting thrown into the mix?


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> It is . First l wrote details but then l see Planet summed it up much better so l'll go with that , feels better.
> Yep , quite a few times


Lol I gave up on caring. Because I dress nice, and I work out, shower, and smell good... I get hit on by all types... oh well


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Yeah all the time. i guess im a pretty boy


Hey , one good lookin ape :rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Is Disenchanted getting thrown into the mix?



lf we can enchant him to tag a long :lol:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Hey , one good lookin ape :rofl::rofl::rofl:


Indeed, the hard part is getting past my fkd up personality.


----------



## whitehawk

Fkd up personality , ahh good l feel at home then :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

sorry to interrupt the male bonding but sigh..... thats was fun... i got rug burn...talk about pretty, that killer hat is a beatiful man... never said that about a guy before....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> sorry to interrupt the male bonding but sigh..... thats was fun... i got rug burn...talk about pretty, that killer hat is a beatiful man... never said that about a guy before....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ice now, tea tree gel later. Don't ask.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Ice now, tea tree gel later. Don't ask.


hahahahahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> sorry to interrupt the male bonding but sigh..... thats was fun... i got rug burn...talk about pretty, that killer hat is a beatiful man... never said that about a guy before....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just have to rub it in, don't you??



So how many O's?? Ha ha


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Just have to rub it in, don't you??
> 
> 
> 
> So how many O's?? Ha ha


AS happy as she is, my guess would be between 8 and 12 in 45min to an hour. 

My source: Experience:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

I am going to destroy whoever I eventually have sex with. True story. 

I hope he will be ready for me.

All this sex talk...

Glad you are getting you some, Unsure.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> sorry to interrupt the male bonding but sigh..... thats was fun... i got rug burn...


I don't believe you... Prove it.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> I don't believe you... Prove it.


Trolling for pics again, eh? tsk tsk


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> I don't believe you... Prove it.


Yeah! Pics or it didn't happen.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I am going to destroy whoever I eventually have sex with. True story.
> 
> I hope he will be ready for me.
> 
> All this sex talk...
> 
> Glad you are getting you some, Unsure.


Same here. 

It's been a year and a half since I got any sugar and I'm getting the itch again.

God, I just know I'm going to get that girl pregnant.:rofl:

Who's next on the list to get some? Dolly did it, Unsure did it, I think Angel did it, Lon did it. Am I next or are there several ahead of me?


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Trolling for pics again, eh? tsk tsk


Pics, schmics... Unsure's in my neighborhood. I could get that proof in person.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> AS happy as she is, my guess would be between 8 and 12 in 45min to an hour.
> 
> My source: Experience:smthumbup:


:lol: :lol:

You sure she wasn't faking???


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> :lol: :lol:
> 
> You sure she wasn't faking???


Who wants to lay odds that Killer Hat's real name is George Glass?


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Same here.
> 
> It's been a year and a half since I got any sugar and I'm getting the itch again.
> 
> God, I just know I'm going to get that girl pregnant.:rofl:
> 
> Who's next on the list to get some? Dolly did it, Unsure did it, I think Angel did it, Lon did it. Am I next or are there several ahead of me?


Underlined for same here. 

You & JB are just ahead of me in the drought. As long as you are ahead, I feel there is no pressure.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> sorry to interrupt the male bonding but sigh..... thats was fun... i got rug burn...talk about pretty, that killer hat is a beatiful man... never said that about a guy before....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup:

No rug burn, but damn my hip hurts!


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> I am going to destroy whoever I eventually have sex with. True story.
> 
> I hope he will be ready for me.
> 
> All this sex talk...
> 
> Glad you are getting you some, Unsure.


For me to be satisfied, usually someone is walking away limping(in the good way), with rug burn, bite marks, the works. I'm not into S&M or anything, but for me to not feel an urge for longer then 24 hours, usually something like that has to happen. 

Finding a woman who can match that and want commitment is hard.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> For me to be satisfied, usually someone is walking away limping(in the good way), with rug burn, bite marks, the works. I'm not into S&M or anything, but for me to not feel an urge for longer then 24 hours, usually something like that has to happen.
> 
> *Finding a woman who can match that* and want commitment is hard.


Thats me! Just not ready for commitment yet...

But boy oh boy whoever gets this firecracker when ready is gonna have a great girlfriend


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Who's next on the list to get some? Dolly did it, Unsure did it, I think Angel did it, Lon did it. Am I next or are there several ahead of me?


You may be falling behind. Just because we aren't now, doesn't mean we haven't already.

And not all of us are as... vociferous ...as Unsure or Dolly in publicizing our successes.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

hope4family said:


> For me to be satisfied, usually someone is walking away limping(in the good way), with rug burn, bite marks, the works. I'm not into S&M or anything, but for me to not feel an urge for longer then 24 hours, usually something like that has to happen.
> 
> Finding a woman who can match that and want commitment is hard.


(raises hand)


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> :lol: :lol:
> 
> You sure she wasn't faking???


Only idiots and virgins don't know a real orgasm in a woman from a fake one. 

You know it's for real when you're done.... and her leg is still shaking.:smthumbup:

There can also a reddening around her hips and ass. Certain part of her genitals move uncontrollably. And depending on the type or orgasm, you'll either see her contort in different ways or rip the sheets of the bed.... Or she's hurt you, and very badly I might add. 

IMHO any thing before 5 and she'll say it's good but not great, like 6 or more and you're her hero. Over 10 a day for a week straight and she's either try to be come your girlfriend or straight up stalk you.:rofl:


----------



## hope4family

3Xnocharm said:


> (raises hand)


If distance wasn't an issue.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Who's next on the list to get some? Dolly did it, Unsure did it, I think Angel did it, Lon did it. Am I next or are there several ahead of me?


Get in line, buddy! I have been experiencing non-sex for too damn long! 



hope4family said:


> You & JB are just ahead of me in the drought. As long as you are ahead, I feel there is no pressure.


:rofl:



Pbartender said:


> You may be falling behind. Just because we aren't now, doesn't mean we haven't already.
> 
> And not all of us are as... vociferous ...as Unsure or Dolly in publicizing our successes.


Haha. Awesome, PB! 



Nsweet said:


> You know it's for real when you're done.... *and her leg is still shaking*.:smthumbup:


Oh that's the BEST!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh that's the BEST!


I don't know. I've seen a girl who never worked out do a full wrestlers bridge for a good 10 seconds during her orgasm. I was like "OH SH!T".


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Only idiots and virgins don't know a real orgasm in a woman from a fake one.
> 
> You know it's for real when you're done.... and her leg is still shaking.:smthumbup:
> 
> There can also a reddening around her hips and ass. Certain part of her genitals move uncontrollably. And depending on the type or orgasm, you'll either see her contort in different ways or rip the sheets of the bed.... Or she's hurt you, and very badly I might add.
> 
> IMHO any thing before 5 and she'll say it's good but not great, like 6 or more and you're her hero. Over 10 a day for a week straight and she's either try to be come your girlfriend or straight up stalk you.:rofl:



You do know statistics is like some 2/3 of women dont even orgasm during P&V sex right? 

That being said, education, variety, and foreplay, when done right, does 90% of your work. 

Best part of my ex. She didn't fake it, wasn't in her personality. So I know what i'm capable of. The good and the bad.


----------



## Jellybeans

I do not know what a wrestler's bridge is.

And you were saying yourself it was a good O if her leg was shaking. I know for me that means it was DAMN good.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> You do know statistics is like some 2/3 of women dont even orgasm during P&V sex right?


Shh...don't tell him. Lol.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> I do not know what a wrestler's bridge is.
> 
> And you were saying yourself it was a good O if her leg was shaking. I know for me that means it was DAMN good.


If thats how you measure it, then I am better then I originally thought.


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure--it is a huge compliment if that happens to your lady after you put the "sugar" on her.


----------



## Nsweet

hope4family said:


> You do know statistics is like some 2/3 of women dont even orgasm during P&V sex right?
> *Yes I know. Not all women can have an orgasm, but those that can't still enjoy sex. Either way include cunnilingus and you can't go wrong.*
> 
> That being said, education, variety, and foreplay, when done right, does 90% of your work.
> *That's right.*
> 
> Best part of my ex. She didn't fake it, wasn't in her personality. So I know what i'm capable of. The good and the bad.


My ex used to talk in Spanish and forget English completely in the heat of the moment. As bad as she was later on in our marriage, I'll never forget the way she looked when she would get hers. It was a look of absolute shock and terror and then pure delight. Priceless!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## hope4family

Moby -Bring Sally Up - YouTube

For unsure.......the rest of ya'll can listen if you want. 

Try it in real life sometime.......just remember, it's a journey.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> You do know statistics is like some 2/3 of women dont even orgasm during P&V sex right?


I've heard that. My ex didn't. I must have found the other 1/3 over the past 1.5 years cause I've seen some crazy stuff. :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

im in the lucky 1\3..... leg shaking is very good... whats even better is when you have the whole body shakes afterward down to the teeth chattering....

PB i can send you his real name if you want you could totally find him irl, he owns his own gym...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

My teeth have never chattered after sex but the legs... ooh shaky legs


----------



## badcompany

You guys are killing me here.
It's cold, it's dark, its the perfect time of year to shack up with someone....forget to eat, and see how many times we could....


----------



## Jellybeans

...fireplace, hot cocoa, bottle of red and... sex. 

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you all get some!


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> ...fireplace, hot cocoa, bottle of red and... sex.
> 
> Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you all get some!



A little baileys in the cocoa never hurts too


----------



## Clawed

This thread is insane, hard having to read like 5 pages just to catch up each day ~ and then once I'm caught up, I don't even remember what I read and where I had intentions of chiming in.

Oh well, all I know is that I am in a serious drought as well. I've been so damn busy re-vamping my life since April that I forget that it's been that long.


----------



## unsure78

hey before killer hat i had been in a drought as well... and truth is i dont know how long he is going to be around for.... i may just be some temporary fun for him, so im going to enjoy him while i have that beautiful man available to me...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## badcompany

Clawed said:


> This thread is insane, hard having to read like 5 pages just to catch up each day ~ and then once I'm caught up, I don't even remember what I read and where I had intentions of chiming in.
> 
> Oh well, all I know is that I am in a serious drought as well. I've been so damn busy re-vamping my life since April that I forget that it's been that long.


It goes by fast doesn't it?
I can't believe I'm coming up on 11 months since I got the "lets separate" talk from my WS.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Same here.
> 
> It's been a year and a half since I got any sugar and I'm getting the itch again.
> 
> God, I just know I'm going to get that girl pregnant.:rofl:
> 
> Who's next on the list to get some? Dolly did it, Unsure did it, I think Angel did it, Lon did it. Am I next or are there several ahead of me?


There is no queue, it is a free-for-all.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Sex is one of those things that you don't realize how much you like it until it is gone......... Next weekend, I have keys to a luxury condo in Perdido Key Florida. Better rest up! lol


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> im in the lucky 1\3..... leg shaking is very good... whats even better is when you have the whole body shakes afterward down to the teeth chattering....
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup, I'm in the 1/3 as well. 

Leg shaking is great, teeth chattering better, but when you get up to use the restroom or whatever and just completely fall over on the floor b/c your legs can't support you is the best (even after laying there 10-15 min just to recover)


----------



## Clawed

badcompany said:


> It goes by fast doesn't it?
> I can't believe I'm coming up on 11 months since I got the "lets separate" talk from my WS.


It goes by incredibly fast, yeah, it was April when the WS dropped the ILYBINILWY. Since then, it's just been picking up the pieces of my shattered life. I've been good for a few solid months now though... it's about time I get back out there though because this is not too fun.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> *GOOD *Sex is one of those things that you don't realize how much you like it until it is gone......... Next weekend, I have keys to a luxury condo in Perdido Key Florida. Better rest up! lol


Fixed it for you....

I don't like bad sex and that can stay gone for the rest of my life. LOL


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Fixed it for you....
> 
> I don't like bad sex and that can stay gone for the rest of my life. LOL



WELL.....I haven't had bad sex in a LONG time. lol


----------



## Clawed

Dedicated2Her said:


> WELL.....I haven't had bad sex in a LONG time. lol


I'm sure that more women have "bad sex" than men though. Many guys probably consider any sex to be good sex.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Clawed said:


> I'm sure that more women have "bad sex" than men though. Many guys probably consider any sex to be good sex.


And many guys are morons.....seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I don't think I have had REAAAALLY good sex since my first GF in highschool. That was uncontrollable toe curling sex.
I wonder if she remembers?


----------



## vi_bride04

Clawed said:


> I'm sure that more women have "bad sex" than men though. Many guys probably consider any sex to be good sex.


EXACTLY

The fun I did have when I left my ex...well wasn't fun. At all. Made me really step back from the casual stuff. 

3-5 pump chumps? Yup. Oh can't go again after? Great. Foreplay? WTF is that? Glad I made those decisions.... :banghead:


----------



## Jellybeans

As much as my ex ad I couldn't get along in the end, we always had super amazing sex. That was never ever lacking.


----------



## Clawed

vi_bride04 said:


> EXACTLY
> 
> The fun I did have when I left my ex...well wasn't fun. At all. Made me really step back from the casual stuff.
> 
> 3-5 pump chumps? Yup. Oh can't go again after? Great. Foreplay? WTF is that? Glad I made those decisions.... :banghead:


That is sad. But it's actually really good news for those of us that, hopefully, are nothing like that. Nice to know how pathetic a lot of the competition is.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> EXACTLY
> 
> The fun I did have when I left my ex...well wasn't fun. At all. Made me really step back from the casual stuff.
> 
> 3-5 pump chumps? Yup. Oh can't go again after? Great. Foreplay? WTF is that? Glad I made those decisions.... :banghead:


Like I said...morons. I have a friend (my gf's friend) that just got divorced. She has had about 5 casual situations. Regrets every one of them. So many men have NO self confidence. The focus is so much on how amazing the sex is to them or they worry about how they are "performing". It makes them ultra sensitive and leads to premature garbage. If they would just workout like a beast, work hard at work, have cool hobbies, read some books, eat right, then they would feel like they are going to be good going in. Life is 90 pct mental. Then, you focus on all the signals she is giving on what she is liking, etc, and follow through like a stallion. :smthumbup:

I think I've only had one sexual situation that lasted less than 20 minutes in the past year. And that was because we were trying to get frisky right before her kids got back from dads. Even then she got a couple of good o's out of it.


----------



## Clawed

Jellybeans said:


> As much as my ex ad I couldn't get along in the end, we always had super amazing sex. That was never ever lacking.


That's nice, consider yourself lucky then! I waited until I married my ex - I couldn't believe how ridiculously bad she wanted it... until we got married, then she froze me out... for almost 10 years. It wasn't until the last month before we split that we FINALLY had amazing and frequent sex.

Better late than never, but being right before the split, it left me wanting more than ever. Damn her


----------



## Dedicated2Her

And one more thing......guys, you have a tongue, and lips. They do amazing things to a woman especially before actual sex.


----------



## Another Planet

I think good sex is relative to the people also. Personality compatibility plays a huge part. Me myself I need someone who is confident, if you are to scared/embarrassed to touch yourself in front of me it probably won't workout. Selfish is no good either, a deadfish is absolutely NO fun at all. 

No way you can match up an experienced HD with a boring 3 pump chump LD. Poor women who meet up with that guy...


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> And one more thing......guys, you have a tongue, and lips. They do amazing things to a woman especially before actual sex.


Right in the middle of it I like to get my tongue all slobbery and give her a good lick from her chin all the way up to her hair line :smthumbup:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> No way you can match up an experienced HD with a boring 3 pump chump LD. Poor women who meet up with that guy...


And, see, that is not something I would consider "personality". 3 pump chump LD is someone who has a problem somewhere in his life. Mind, body, soul....one of them is broken.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> Right in the middle of it I like to get my tongue all slobbery and give her a good lick from her chin all the way up to her hair line :smthumbup:



And I would use all lips, very lightly. While you give her the sensation of breath and you body literally is suspended above her because you work out enough to hold up your body weight in all positions. Soft at first.............unless you've been utterly playful all day then it's going to get sweaty in a hurry. lol

DANG IT! It's a "kid" weekend. I'm going to have to stop!


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I think good sex is relative to the people also.* Personality compatibility plays a huge part*. Me myself I need someone who is confident, if you are to scared/embarrassed to touch yourself in front of me it probably won't workout. Selfish is no good either, a deadfish is absolutely NO fun at all.
> 
> No way you can match up an experienced HD with a boring 3 pump chump LD. Poor women who meet up with that guy...


Naaaa, not when its purely casual, looking to get your physical needs met sex. I don't care about personalities at that point. Confidence yes, but personality? no. Could be as bland as a pile of uncooked oatmeal as long as they know how to do the nasty and get a woman to O.

But like I said, the horrible experiences I have had with casual sex will make me wait until I do have a connection with somone...that should make it a little better I would hope. Or at least give me the chance to look for clues if they are good in bed or not. LOL


----------



## Clawed

vi_bride04 said:


> Or at least give me the chance to look for clues if they are good in bed or not. LOL


I have to ask - what kinds of things might suggest to you whether someone is good in bed or not, without the actual experience?


----------



## badcompany

Dedicated2Her said:


> And one more thing......guys, you have a tongue, and lips. They do amazing things to a woman especially before actual sex.


If it tastes like chicken keep on lickin


----------



## Pbartender

Clawed said:


> I have to ask - what kinds of things might suggest to you whether someone is good in bed or not, without the actual experience?


Check their résumé for key words and phrases like, "goal oriented", "methodical", "attention to detail", and "thinks outside the box".


----------



## arbitrator

Another Planet said:


> Right in the middle of it I like to get my tongue all slobbery and give her a good lick from her chin all the way up to her hair line :smthumbup:


*Not to be flippant or corrective in any way, but I do think that I would have definitely licked from her chin all the way 'down' to, say, the other hairline ... and then some! But that's just me!

Just sayin'!*


----------



## vi_bride04

Clawed said:


> I have to ask - what kinds of things might suggest to you whether someone is good in bed or not, without the actual experience?


Confidence (NOT the man baby pay attention to me crap that was talked about earlier)
If they are a good Kisser (for me this has been pretty spot on. bad kisser, bad sexual chemistry)
how they touch me prior to getting too physical (hugs, running fingers through hair, hand holding, etc)
if they get 'there' too soon with minimal foreplay (will be a 2 pump chump)
Need to examine size somehow too - it does matter, 2-3" erect doesn't' cut it for me

Ummm...thats all that pop in my head for now.


----------



## arbitrator

Dedicated2Her said:


> And one more thing......guys, you have a tongue, and lips. They do amazing things to a woman especially before actual sex.


:iagree: *Totally!*


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Need to examine size somehow too - it does matter, 2-3" erect doesn't' cut it for me



Uhhhh. There are people out there like this?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Confidence (NOT the man baby pay attention to me crap that was talked about earlier)
> *If they are a good Kisser (for me this has been pretty spot on. bad kisser, bad sexual chemistry)*
> how they touch me prior to getting too physical (hugs, running fingers through hair, hand holding, etc)
> if they get 'there' too soon with minimal foreplay (will be a 2 pump chump)
> Need to examine size somehow too - it does matter, 2-3" erect doesn't' cut it for me
> 
> Ummm...thats all that pop in my head for now.


THIS! If they cant kiss, they cant fvck!


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Right in the middle of it I like to get my tongue all slobbery and give her a good lick from her chin all the way up to her hair line :smthumbup:


I was joking you guys.....

There's another one you really need with me, a strange sense of humor...or at least can put up with mine.


----------



## Clawed

Another Planet said:


> I was joking you guys.....
> 
> There's another one you really need with me, a strange sense of humor...or at least can put up with mine.


Part of me thought you were, but I have to admit, I thought you might not be. Best to avoid it all together, just in case!


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Uhhhh. There are people out there like this?


I told you my "fun" after leaving my ex wasn't much fun at all...

I somehow found more than one with this problem...I mean no more than 4" erect. 

My ex and my ex bf before him were nicely equipped...I mean total relationship time with those 2 were about 15yrs...so talk about a shock. 

What I would love to have is Mexico all over again....definitely miss those times...now that was FUN


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I was joking you guys.....
> 
> There's another one you really need with me, a strange sense of humor...or at least can put up with mine.


I was going to say, if some guy did that to me I would think about stopping the session. Definitely would not be a turn on


----------



## hope4family

Dedicated2Her said:


> Uhhhh. There are people out there like this?


Yes and they make me look like one of those porn stars and I consider myself "average".


----------



## Another Planet

LOL it makes it that much more funny you guys took me serious!!!

One of my exes did kind of that to me. She was on top and she pulled me up to her, grabbed both sides of my head, turned my face to the side and licked my cheek all the way up to my eye socket.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> LOL it makes it that much more funny you guys took me serious!!!
> 
> One of my exes did kind of that to me. She was on top and she pulled me up to her, grabbed both sides of my head, turned my face to the side and licked my cheek all the way up to my eye socket.


My exH would do crap like this. Slobber all over my face. OMG. Hated it. He was not a good kisser either. Things got taken care only when I was on top. :sleeping:


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## angelpixie

Dedicated2Her said:


> And one more thing......guys, you have a tongue, and lips. They do amazing things to a woman especially before actual sex.


You mean, there are guys who don't know this? I guess I've been fairly lucky, then.



Dedicated2Her said:


> And I would use all lips, very lightly. While you give her the sensation of breath and you body literally is suspended above her because you work out enough to hold up your body weight in all positions. Soft at first.............unless you've been utterly playful all day then it's going to get sweaty in a hurry. lol
> 
> DANG IT! It's a "kid" weekend. I'm going to have to stop!


This. Is. Not. Fair. So not fair. Sigh. 



Clawed said:


> I have to ask - what kinds of things might suggest to you whether someone is good in bed or not, without the actual experience?





Pbartender said:


> Check their résumé for key words and phrases like, "goal oriented", "methodical", "attention to detail", and "thinks outside the box".


I would also add "takes initiative," "good self-starter," and "takes direction well."  :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

badcompany said:


> If it tastes like chicken keep on lickin


If it tastes like trout get the hell on out.


----------



## badcompany

Another Planet said:


> So my ex was over tonight...I keep seeing her eyes glance down a few times and then she commented that she could she the outline of my junk through my jeans...
> She does this kind of stuff frequently, it drives me nuts! I use to make offers to you know go play together but then she freaks out accusing me of stuff and I get shot down so I just stopped trying to take it a little further.
> Now it bothers me cause it's obvious she still wants it in some capacity but if it's not going to happen I'm tired of hearing the lines from her.
> How would you guys deal with something like this? And yes I have told her exactly that, if it's not going to happen stop leading me on!



Yes it's called BPD. You've dumped her now she wants you back, don't fall for it because as soon as you do you'll be pushed away again.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Confidence (NOT the man baby pay attention to me crap that was talked about earlier)
> If they are a good Kisser (for me this has been pretty spot on. bad kisser, bad sexual chemistry)
> how they touch me prior to getting too physical (hugs, running fingers through hair, hand holding, etc)
> if they get 'there' too soon with minimal foreplay (will be a 2 pump chump)
> Need to examine size somehow too - it does matter, 2-3" erect doesn't' cut it for me
> 
> Ummm...thats all that pop in my head for now.


Kiss a woman with all the love in your heart and every kiss will be magical.

Really, once you learn to connect with a woman and kiss her and make love to her the first time like you're in love, there won't be anything bad about it. I've had women that didn't necessarily like me sort of fall for me after doing this because you leave her feeling loved and respected. And foreplay isn't an issue when you find a way to love what you're doing. 

Thank you 14-18yo version of NSweet. Turns out you didn't wast you teen years reading the Kama Sutra and other sex guides.:rofl:

And women are sneaky. She'll find a way to touch your junk during a kiss and size you up without you even feeling it.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> THIS! If they cant kiss, they cant fvck!


If I am to believe the women I have kissed, I am an excellent kisser. :smthumbup:

My dry spell lasted almost 3 years. It is not the end of the world, it is very frustrating however.


----------



## angelpixie

@ AnotherPlanet

"What am I supposed to do - cut it off before you come over so you don't see it?"


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> And women are sneaky. She'll find a way to touch your junk during a kiss and size you up without you even feeling it.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

yup


----------



## muskrat

Why are we all here on a fri night? Shouldn't we be out having sex or something?:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> And women are sneaky. She'll find a way to touch your junk during a kiss and size you up without you even feeling it.


And _some_ women are _soooo_ sneaky, they don't even feel it.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Why are we all here on a fri night? Shouldn't we be out having sex or something?:rofl:


Holy hell am I laughing up a storm...

I'm heading out in a few, grabbing a burger and beer with a friend

No sex other than with myself later...but I feel a headache coming on


----------



## angelpixie

DS has a friend over for a sleepover tonight, so no fun for AngelP tonight. 




And even if he wasn't having a sleepover, there would be no fun for AngelP tonight.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> And _some_ women are _soooo_ sneaky, they don't even feel it.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Oh man....thanks for the laughs guys, this is great and what I needed.


----------



## muskrat

Get out there Vi and find some stud. Sounds like you are due for a good sexcapade. :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

badcompany said:


> Yes it's called BPD. You've dumped her now she wants you back, don't fall for it because as soon as you do you'll be pushed away again.


Damn, voice of reason...I would screw her brains out but it probably isn't for the best is it.

She called later and asked if I was mad at her, I told her she has inappropriate social boundaries. She said "but your my ex husband I can say stuff like that!" I told her "yeah right now, but I'm not going to be single forever and it's definitely inappropriate if I'm with someone"...


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> Why are we all here on a fri night? Shouldn't we be out having sex or something?:rofl:


Because the looney bin only has speed dating once a year and tonight isn't that night.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Why are we all here on a fri night? Shouldn't we be out having sex or something?:rofl:


I have court Monday morning and knowing me I would end up frickin going on some crazy ass adventure all weekend and miss my appearance for Final Judgment for my divorce... 
Or meet some random girl at the bar and turns out to be the judges daughter...or something like that...
So I'm just going to stay home this weekend.


----------



## muskrat

My gosh, what has happened to me. I used to be such an introvert and then sometime in the last year or so I turned into a social butterfly. Now if only my ex would sign the darn papers already, life would be darn near perfect.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> I have court Monday morning and knowing me I would end up frickin going on some crazy ass adventure all weekend and miss my appearance for Final Judgment for my divorce...
> Or meet some random girl at the bar and turns out to be the judges daughter...or something like that...
> So I'm just going to stay home this weekend.



The judges daughter might not be a bad thing. She could put in a good word for ya with daddy. Better bring your A game though, don't want to send her home disappointed. :rofl:


Good luck in court on Monday. :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, most judges would be fine with a nice guy dating their daughter so long as he respected her and had his sh!t together. So long as you don't break her heart you're fine.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Yeah well the Judge is a she and she is a hardass on men from what I heard. And her lawyer is not to nice either so I am trying to keep my head straight. If everything goes good in between now and Monday morning my lawyer said it will be done and I plan on celebrating Monday night anyway


So... Sleep with the judge. 

Problem solved!


----------



## vi_bride04

Man...thought I would come back to some stories to live vicariously through...maybe all the sex is happening now and I'll have something interesting to read tomorrow....lol

Taking the dogs out then heading to bed...good night everyone!


----------



## Another Planet

Nope not here lol. Although it is just 12:20am here and my buddies GF just called me...I didn't answer :/


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Nope not here lol. Although it is just 12:20am here and my buddies GF just called me...I didn't answer :/


Has she read Not Just Friends?  lol


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Man...thought I would come back to some stories to live vicariously through...maybe all the sex is happening now and I'll have something interesting to read tomorrow....lol
> 
> Taking the dogs out then heading to bed...good night everyone!


That's why I come here. All the sex I'm not getting but I can still enjoy vicariously.:smthumbup:

I know when I start having sex again it's going to happen one of two ways, like it always does for me. There situation A where I'm in my own little worls just "La-lala-la-la-la twitle-te-de" and I meet a girl when I never wasn't even looking and it just happens. Like I'm the only person in line and crack a joke with the pretty girl at the cashier, lock eyes, BOOM!, phone number and it's on from there. It's not even sex it's making love.

And then there's situation B which I have to be either mildly buzzed to black out drunk. I don't really know what happens, all I know is I'm a fun drunk that gets a little c*cky and whatever it is that says this is wrong I ignore it. Like that little voice of reason telling you not to have sex out side of the bar, I ignore that! That voice usually gets me into those "dear penthouse" situations because I end up with the wrong type of woman way hotter that I either need or can handle, usually covered in tattoos and piercings and just BAD. But that sex is the hottest thing ever! 

So if I ever get into the latter situation while sober, because I don't really drink, you can bet I will do my best to channel every memory onto here and make it fun to read. The former just isn't fun, it's like "well they seem like they're meant to be together" or "she seems nice". But some 5'3" skinny white girl with half her hair shaved off, face full of piercings, full tattoo sleeves, TONS of daddy issues, probably a stripper, shopping in Hot Topic for bad clothes (maybe even the manager).... I don't know how it happens but that's the girl of my drunken fantasies. Either her or like a cougar.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Has she read Not Just Friends?  lol


Sorry let me correct that....his wife...and they have a 6mnth old :/


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Sorry let me correct that....his wife...and they have a 6mnth old :/


Let me correct too...Send her a copy of not just friends lol


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Sorry let me correct that....his wife...and they have a 6mnth old :/


Yeah, but why is she calling you at this hour? She's either looking for her husband or something else.


----------



## Another Planet

Uggh poor girl. How do you recommend MC to a couple?


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Uggh poor girl. How do you recommend MC to a couple?


Write you personal cellphone and work phone number as well as your hopes, dreams, sexual fantasies, and idea if a perfect first date in a copy of "Divorce Remedy" and give that to her.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Let me correct too...Send her a copy of not just friends lol





Nsweet said:


> Yeah, but why is she calling you at this hour? She's either looking for her husband or something else.


Yeah I have a thread here about the married/involved women in my life here on TAM somewhere...

Well she is one of them. We had an EA a couple years ago 

If you guys want to hear a really crazy story other then my marriage this is about the next step down lol... this one is only by request if you guys want to actually hear it...


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I have a thread here about the married/involved women in my life here on TAM somewhere...
> 
> Well she is one of them. We had an EA a couple years ago
> 
> If you guys want to hear a really crazy story other then my marriage this is about the next step down lol... this one is only by request if you guys want to actually hear it...


Did you tell her husband? Boy, if my friend had an EA with my wife and the was starting that sh!t back up again I'd be pretty pissed, but I'd also be pretty determined to repair my marriage. 

You should of told us you had an EA with her before. Now you've gone only one option. Either stay away or NC, either way you've got to get away from her.


----------



## Another Planet

I know, I really don't know how to explain it other then complicated. And kind of funny too.
You know how I was talking about gay guys hitting on me and stuff?


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I know, I really don't know how to explain it other then complicated. And kind of funny too.
> You know how I was talking about gay guys hitting on me and stuff?


You try to explain it to me and I'll explain exactly how it went down. No really, I can list off the steps in bullet points but I don't want to encourage affairs by telling people how to do it successfully. Instead I'll skate around the rules and make a joke. 

The thing about married women is they don't fall for OM the way husbands fall for OW. You're just listening to her talk about her problems because she's a friend and you care, and you make eye contact because it's the right way to communicate sincerely. But to woman that's like chick crack. Come on, a man who gets her and doesn't try to f*ck or maker her do his laundry while he hurls insults at her.:rofl:

That's why certain rules exist with married women and single men as friends. Lots of distance and you don't try to solve her problems, you just say "I'm sorry" and direct her to other topics or else don't talk to her during those times. It seems a little harsh but it's the only thing that will keep you out of trouble, keep you from losing friends, your job, and a couple years to the aftermath of an affair where the buddy's wife leave you anyways.


----------



## Another Planet

Ok, Ill make this short. He is gay/bi, she is married to him and realizing this was a bad decision...
And yes I make our conversations as distant as possible, even at that I probably sound like a jerk.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Ok, Ill make this short. He is gay/bi, she is married to him and realizing this was a bad decision...
> And yes I make our conversations as distant as possible, even at that I probably sound like a jerk.


Not really. A lot of these women will say things that make you feel really good and almost make you want to fall in love with her on the spot. "I should have married someone like you", "Why can't my husband be more like you?".... She knows what she's doing. 

The only thing you have to steer clear of any woman who wants to cheat with you because you'll never know if she's lying or trying to manipulate you into an affair until it's too late. Then you'll come to find out he's not the problem, he's not a jerk, he's just angry all the time because his wife can't stop cheating with men just like you. Yeah, it happens.

Check out shrink4men.com for advice, tips, and tricks for steering clear of those and other types of situations, and don't forget to date other women and masturbate. Those last two things will keep you out of the rescuer to the damsel in distress problem or from thinking with your penis. 

I have married and committed female friends here I would f*ck. I'll admit it, they're beautiful and lovely. But I make sure that never happens by not ever getting that close to them or going in their house for any reason when their boyfriends or husbands aren't home. That's what I have to do to keep them as friends and not lose all my friends.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I know, I really don't know how to explain it other then complicated. And kind of funny too.
> You know how I was talking about gay guys hitting on me and stuff?


This is way more common than you think.

My gf got heavy into a support group and forum dedicated to gay married men ( yes, her ex is gay and was cheating on her with men for almost the whole marriage)...her mind was blown how common it seems to be. Married bi/gay men who actively seek out sex with men. 

It's a lot more commonly than you think. Especially when she points out how many men are checking each other out when we go out to a bar.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> This is way more common than you think.
> 
> My gf got heavy into a support group and forum dedicated to gay married men ( yes, her ex is gay and was cheating on her with men for almost the whole marriage)...her mind was blown how common it seems to be. Married bi/gay men who actively seek out sex with men.
> 
> It's a lot more commonly than you think. Especially when she points out how many men are checking each other out when we go out to a bar.


I have an uncle who was married for about a decade and cheated on his wife with other men. He had two children with her, but because of his wife's physical abuse towards him and his kids and because of his deeply suppressed sexual nature (there was some non-incest molestation) he cheated, was caught by a PI, and went through a very messy divorce. 

But as it turned out, his wife was gay/bi too and now lives in a committed partnership with another woman. In fact they get along very fine now and both live their own separate lives as gay and lesbian. Their kids grew up kinda fine too (love my cousin J but other cousin A is a bit of a fat b!tch), and she and my uncle are grandparents to two beautiful children now. So it all worked out.

Goes with the Chinese parable "Who knows what's good or bad."


----------



## unsure78

sorry no sex.... went to my company holiday party alone... it was fun... other than that nothing exciting here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Wouldn't know what to think , after l stopped laughing anyway , if my W cheated on me with a women.
My x was bi .


----------



## Dollystanford

My gay friends all claim they've slept with more so-called 'straight' men than confirmed homosexuals. So make of that what you will


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah I am straight as an arrow but have quite a few gay friends. My best friend growing up turned out to be gay, even changed his name to Jayson lol. I could really care less honestly and I am all for equal rights. 

Whitehawk my stbxw and I have talked about getting a GF together, honestly might still happen...I would be lying if I said I am not looking for a new GF with an open mind. 
Yes I know I am fkd up I told you guys that already.


----------



## Another Planet

The girl from last night, the EA happened a few summers ago in the middle of the **** storm of my marriage. My wife had already started her decent into her affair and I was confused and hurt. This girl just gave me attention at the right time, nothing happened other then really heavy flirting and to much attention to each other. It wasn't as bad as a lot of the EA stories on TAM.

But yes her calling me in the middle of the night is not appropriate. 
We shot texts back and forth, I just wanted to make sure she got home safe cause I saw on FB she was out with her GF's drinking. She told me how trapped she feels, how nobody cares, how lazy and selfish her husband is.....


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I am straight as an arrow but have quite a few gay friends. My best friend growing up turned out to be gay, even changed his name to Jayson lol. I could really care less honestly and I am all for equal rights.
> 
> Whitehawk my stbxw and I have talked about getting a GF together, honestly might still happen...I would be lying if I said I am not looking for a new GF with an open mind.
> Yes I know I am fkd up I told you guys that already.



Yeah we did lots and lots of naughty things in our early days :rofl: but once we tied the knot we stopped .

Ha , my best friend , male, tried to pash me one night when we were both as drunk as skunks . Uhh , sorry buddy not my thing. He was always pretty flamboyant but l never knew he was bi.


----------



## whitehawk

lt's best though if your not in love or anything though with no feelings involved Just some partying or whatever while your single.
There were too many mixed up gooey feelings and emotions otherwise that's why we stopped. Your sort of going against the natural way you feel about the person and it messes you both up fun or no fun.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah I know. I am pretty open minded but I do fall in love easily so I don't really know.

I did deeeelete a ton of stuff today...someone was sniffing around...


----------



## Pbartender

Son of apropos of nothing...

You guys know what's kind of fun?

Grocery shopping in a tuxedo.

:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Son of apropos of nothing...
> 
> You guys know what's kind of fun?
> 
> Grocery shopping in a tuxedo.
> 
> :smthumbup:


where was that when i went grocery shopping today? i could have used that fun...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> where was that when i went grocery shopping today? i could have used that fun...


Killer Hat doesn't own a tux?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> sorry no sex.... went to my company holiday party alone... it was fun... other than that nothing exciting here
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What, they didn't have male interns and janitor's closets?

You know technically bending over isn't considered sexual harassment, and interns aren't really coworkers. 

So mama can drop all the pencils she wants.:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Hey all so I think my fun with killer hat is done... its certainly was a great time, though I knew from the beginning he was just short term, something different for me, a girls got to try a bad boy out at least once  .... slow hat may actually be getting his sh!t together and be ready to actually date me... we will see, if we date he will be a long term one...


----------



## vi_bride04

Fun is done already??? Can't squeeze an extra few weeks or month out, huh? lol

I like the news about slow hat


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Hey all so I think my fun with killer hat is done... its certainly was a great time, though I knew from the beginning he was just short term, something different for me, a girls got to try a bad boy out at least once  .... slow hat may actually be getting his sh!t together and be ready to actually date me... we will see, if we date he will be a long term one...


Well I am happy for you about slow hat!  Jealous? yes! But happy for you! I hope he comes through.

Why do you think its over with killer hat?


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> slow hat may actually be getting his sh!t together and be ready to actually date me... we will see, if we date he will be a long term one...


Good Luck! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Why do you think its over with killer hat?


Communication on both ends is just winding down, if it was going to go somewhere communication should be becoming more frequent/consistent... its ok, i knew what it was the whole time.. short term fun...

we will see on slow hat, i like him but not for sure yet...


----------



## Nsweet

And how are the other hundred or so hats in the store? Not just killer hat in your no pile and slow hat in your maybe pile. What are your other options?


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> And how are the other hundred or so hats in the store? Not just killer hat in your no pile and slow hat in your maybe pile. What are your other options?


Right now nothing else, hmm well I did have a lawyer hat on hold.... though I actually like slow hat enough that if something actually happens with him I will only be dating him


----------



## EnjoliWoman

For some reason old hats come back. I don't know if they leave thinking they'll find a hotter version of me or just what. Got long text from Ex BF who broke it off a year ago. Seemed to be having a bit of a pity party which I did not join in on and when a text did not require (out of politeness) a response, I did not respond and the communication ended.

Then long term on/off hat who is like my best friend and we are SO compatible every single way except sexually, says the reason he broke it off 2 years ago this time of year (apparently I'm doomed to always be alone Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's/Valentine's Day as I have the last 10 years regardless of hats) told me the reason he did was because he didn't want to ruin my relationship with my daughter (drama with the ex, he doesn't live in her school zone, his house makes more sense, etc.) and I told him I wish he'd mentioned that back then because honestly I didn't think we needed to worry about all that quite yet...

WTF? My 3 main ex BFs show back up THIS YEAR full of interest. I need a new hat.


----------



## Nsweet

Enjoli, 

On a spiritual level it's because everybody senses big changes coming up soon and it making people uneasy. Either that or the spirit of the holidays and seasons greetings. So your exes may be coming back to give you closure or ask for another shot. Either way follow the 180 rule and agree to keep them from getting defensive, and rise to the higher level. 

If long term ex wants to apologize and excuses his breakup from way back when as "I didn't want to ruin your family" (which is his way of telling you he was insecure with committing to you AND your family), then you agree with him, put a good spin on it and close the door. He gave you a good reason, acceptable closure, and you said it yourself you two were sexually incompatible. That's about as good a break as you're going to get.

Granted that's probably not the answer you wanted, and I would rather fill you with hope and reconciliation tips, but it sounds like you can do better to me. You're better than a Christmas booty call, girl. Don't worry about these jokers!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Right now nothing else, hmm well I did have a lawyer hat on hold.... though I actually like slow hat enough that if something actually happens with him I will only be dating him


How are you going to avoid one-itis? 

You seem to get really attached to pretty hats you're still trying on before there's even a stable relationship. And I don't want to see you get your heart broken. 

It helps to date others and then the cut maybes loose and settle on the one who deserves you the most. That way you're not qualifying every single one as the one every time.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> For some reason old hats come back. *I don't know if they leave thinking they'll find a hotter version of me or just what*.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: So true! They always come back! LOOOL!



EnjoliWoman said:


> Got long text from Ex BF who broke it off a year ago. *Seemed to be having a bit of a pity party *which I did not join in on and when a text did not require (out of politeness) a response, I did not respond and the communication ended.


Woe is hat!



EnjoliWoman said:


> Then long term on/off hat who is like my best friend and we are SO compatible every single way *except sexually,* says the reason he broke it off 2 years ago this time of year (apparently I'm doomed to always be alone Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's/Valentine's Day as I have the last 10 years regardless of hats) told me the reason he did was because he didn't want to ruin my relationship with my daughter (drama with the ex, he doesn't live in her school zone, his house makes more sense, etc.) and I told him I wish he'd mentioned that back then because honestly I didn't think we needed to worry about all that quite yet...


UGH. And honestly it was probably for the best, seriously since the bolded part is kind of a big deal. You woulda gotten annoyed with him if you stayed in a relationship. Was all for the best. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> WTF? My 3 main ex BFs show back up THIS YEAR full of interest. I need a new hat.


Idk what it is either.. But they seem to return. I have had this same damn experience happen to me many times in my life.

Funny you mentioned this because that one guy who I told you guys about who we went out with who kinda went MIA and later said he wanted to explain why he'd been out of touch--twice--and never did--was messaging me all I miss you and I want to see you last night and even called me on the phone (he usually just texts). I didn't answer or write him back. I do not want to go on another date with him. He's nice but the thing w/ him saying he wanted to explain..twice...and never did...really turned me off of him. Plus I was never really excited about him. He would make a good friend, I think. I will eventually respond to him but not sure what I will say yet.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Communication on both ends is just winding down, if it was going to go somewhere communication should be becoming more frequent/consistent... its ok, i knew what it was the whole time.. short term fun...
> 
> we will see on slow hat, i like him but not for sure yet...


What was the background story on slow hat? I can't remember.

Well it's good you know when to call it a day. When one hat hangs up... time for a new one! LOL

*Enjoli*--maybe try online dating again?


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> sorry no sex.... went to my company holiday party alone... it was fun... other than that nothing exciting here
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hehe. I always go to mine alone, too. The only man I ever took (and I have been with my company forever) was Mr. ExJelly. I decided, long ago, I will never bring another man w/ me to my company Xmas party, even if I am dating someone. I tend to never mix my personal life w/ professional though. I like to keep them separate.



Nsweet said:


> You're better than a Christmas booty call, girl.


Haha. Love this! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> How are you going to avoid one-itis?
> 
> You seem to get really attached to pretty hats you're still trying on before there's even a stable relationship. And I don't want to see you get your heart broken.
> 
> It helps to date others and then the cut maybes loose and settle on the one who deserves you the most. That way you're not qualifying every single one as the one every time.


Well I said from the beginning that killer hat was prob not long term... and I would not qualify slow hat as a "pretty hat" like I would Killer Hat.... I like him because we are compatible on the intelligence level, humor, career, and values/background. I am taking him with a grain of salt, we will see what happens in the next few weeks. Im not sure If slow hat will be able to get over what ever shyness or other issue he has when it comes to me. I will say I do tend to just "know" if someone is going to be longer term in my life pretty quickly. I have not closed off my other options yet... we will see what happens, I am willing to give slow hat some leeway, he interests me.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> Enjoli,
> 
> Granted that's probably not the answer you wanted, and I would rather fill you with hope and reconciliation tips, but it sounds like you can do better to me. You're better than a Christmas booty call, girl. Don't worry about these jokers!





Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: So true! They always come back! LOOOL!
> 
> Woe is hat! *I had to LOL at this....*
> 
> UGH. And honestly it was probably for the best, seriously since the bolded part is kind of a big deal. You woulda gotten annoyed with him if you stayed in a relationship. Was all for the best.
> 
> Idk what it is either.. But they seem to return. I have had this same damn experience happen to me many times in my life.
> 
> Enjoli--maybe try online dating again?


[/QUOTE]


Oh I'm not a booty call - that's the thing, he'd rather be like brother/sister. A little ED and pretty LD - this is the anti-oral, no french kissing guy. We are destined to be best friends. He said he could see us together. I admit I sort of led him on because I didn't want to spoil the day and said "Well we have at least 3 years to worry about that" as kiddo is a freshmen. I want to keep him as a friend. Shame. I could see us making a great married couple but I've really pondered how important passion is and funny thing - it's not that important if you have it but if you don't it becomes VERY important. IMO. I think I would end up resentful, annoyed and unhappy.

I'll jump back into things next year. I don't want yet another thing to juggle right now. I only have one free weekend before Christmas and I'll have kiddo on New Year's so no sense trying to meet anyone now.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Oh I'm not a booty call - that's the thing, he'd rather be like brother/sister. A little ED and pretty LD -* this is the anti-oral, no french kissing guy. *


 You definitely dodged a bullet romantically. LOL. Stay great friends!


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Oh I'm not a booty call - that's the thing, he'd rather be like brother/sister. A little ED and pretty LD - this is the anti-oral, no french kissing guy. We are destined to be best friends. He said he could see us together. I admit I sort of led him on because I didn't want to spoil the day and said "Well we have at least 3 years to worry about that" as kiddo is a freshmen. I want to keep him as a friend. Shame. I could see us making a great married couple but I've really pondered how important passion is and funny thing - it's not that important if you have it but if you don't it becomes VERY important. IMO. I think I would end up resentful, annoyed and unhappy.
> 
> I'll jump back into things next year. I don't want yet another thing to juggle right now. I only have one free weekend before Christmas and I'll have kiddo on New Year's so no sense trying to meet anyone now.


Sounds like very healthy way to view the entire situation. Ok, excuse this but your first line just reminded me 

http://youtu.be/NTCsE8crK0Q


----------



## Jellybeans

Update from my post yesterday that was:



Jellybeans said:


> Funny you mentioned this because that one guy who I told you guys about who we went out with who kinda went MIA and later said he wanted to explain why he'd been out of touch--twice--and never did--was messaging me all I miss you and I want to see you last night and even called me on the phone (he usually just texts). I didn't answer or write him back. I do not want to go on another date with him. He's nice but the thing w/ him saying he wanted to explain..twice...and never did...really turned me off of him. Plus I was never really excited about him. He would make a good friend, I think. I will eventually respond to him but not sure what I will say yet.


So yesterday this guy tells me he is going to a wedding and needs a date... with a winky-face emoji: 



Wtf? People are so inconsistent. Haven't even seen him in two months. And now he's all_ I miss you_ and _want to see you soon_ and _I need a date for a wedding..._


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hm. This _sounds_ as if he's been dealing with a huge distraction which could possibly be another person he perused for a bit OR the thing he wanted to explain to you about. 

But he didn't make you, or the explanation a priority. Only now he needs a date for a wedding. Why? Usually that's the great place for a hook up so I hear. Is it his ex? A friend of the ex? Will she be there? Just wondering why he needs to see you now after all this time.

I'd be tempted to ignore the wedding date question and say that you'd be interested to hear why he's been out of touch. Odds are the reason won't be good enough and it will be time to cut ties.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Update from my post yesterday that was:
> 
> 
> 
> So yesterday this guy tells me he is going to a wedding and needs a date... with a winky-face emoji:
> 
> 
> 
> Wtf? People are so inconsistent. Haven't even seen him in two months. And now he's all_ I miss you_ and _want to see you soon_ and _I need a date for a wedding..._


JB, you should have just smiled back and gave him the wave


----------



## Oldfaithful

Question for the men: do you check a woman's hand to see if she has a ring before you start chatting her up?
Recently I was volunteering at an event for my daughter and one of the fathers started talking to me; I thought he was just being friendly and passing the time. 
Then the second the mention of my husband came up he said "oh that's nice" and walked away! 
I found out later he is recently divorced. 
Not only do I have an obvious wedding ring but I was wearing a name tag that said "mrs". 
I don't get it!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oldfaithful said:


> Question for the men: do you check a woman's hand to see if she has a ring before you start chatting her up?
> Recently I was volunteering at an event for my daughter and one of the fathers started talking to me; I thought he was just being friendly and passing the time.
> Then the second the mention of my husband came up he said "oh that's nice" and walked away!
> I found out later he is recently divorced.
> Not only do I have an obvious wedding ring but I was wearing a name tag that said "mrs".
> I don't get it!


NOT a man, but I do check for this first thing on a man!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> NOT a man, but I do check for this first thing on a man!


Ok, so this where I have to say... I am married. I don't wear a ring. Long story, I really did lose it. But, more than that, it is not practical to wear a ring when I have to put my lab gloves on from time to time only to rip them across my finger. 

I still think I left in on a lab bench in one of the many labs I have done work in. Some Grad student probably hawked it for food. I don't blame them the way we treat them


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I get it that there are professions where it doesn't make sense to wear one to work but it would be nice if they wore one when out and not with their wives or at a job where it isn't a hindrance. As a single woman I look at hands a LOT and I have to say half the time they don't wear them! Heck, I struck up a conversation with a friendly looking guy at a bar while waiting for a band to start playing and we were having a great chat as he discussed some travels and he dropped the 'we' and then 'me and my wife'. I probably would have chatted anyway but I spent more time chatting with him than I normally would have had I known he was married.


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> I get it that there are professions where it doesn't make sense to wear one to work but it would be nice if they wore one when out and not with their wives or at a job where it isn't a hindrance.


It is something I keep an eye out for... Though, the presence or absence of one is no guarantee one way or the other.

I often work with high voltage, where having a bit of highly conductive metal wrapped around your finger is a decidedly bad choice. When I still wore my ring, I simply removed it at work when safety dictated and then put it back on when I left.


----------



## Nsweet

Oldfaithful said:


> Question for the men: do you check a woman's hand to see if she has a ring before you start chatting her up?
> Recently I was volunteering at an event for my daughter and one of the fathers started talking to me; I thought he was just being friendly and passing the time.
> Then the second the mention of my husband came up he said "oh that's nice" and walked away!
> I found out later he is recently divorced.
> Not only do I have an obvious wedding ring but I was wearing a name tag that said "mrs".
> I don't get it!


:lol: I always do, but I'm not as transparent as that guy. 

I'm 25, and girls in my age group will wear "fakies" to ward men off or just because they like wearing a ring there (practice I guess). So I do eventually bring it up in a casual way, but I can almost tell if she's married in the first few minutes alone. 

Not all married women wear rings either, but you can tell. If she likes you but has a husband or boyfriend she'll either tell you up front to defend herself from you or her body language will give herself away. Even women looking to cheat have tells.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Oldfaithful said:


> Question for the men: do you check a woman's hand to see if she has a ring before you start chatting her up?
> Recently I was volunteering at an event for my daughter and one of the fathers started talking to me; I thought he was just being friendly and passing the time.
> Then the second the mention of my husband came up he said "oh that's nice" and walked away!
> I found out later he is recently divorced.
> Not only do I have an obvious wedding ring but I was wearing a name tag that said "mrs".
> I don't get it!


He is recently divorced, thus dejected and seeking some female sexual validation. I have seen this time and again, you can read the depression (edit: desperation) on their foreheads.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> I get it that there are professions where it doesn't make sense to wear one to work but it would be nice if they wore one when out and not with their wives or at a job where it isn't a hindrance. As a single woman I look at hands a LOT and I have to say half the time they don't wear them! Heck, I struck up a conversation with a friendly looking guy at a bar while waiting for a band to start playing and we were having a great chat as he discussed some travels and he dropped the 'we' and then 'me and my wife'. I probably would have chatted anyway but I spent more time chatting with him than I normally would have had I known he was married.


I know I should buy a replacement.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Update from my post yesterday that was:
> 
> 
> 
> So yesterday this guy tells me he is going to a wedding and needs a date... with a winky-face emoji:
> 
> 
> 
> Wtf? People are so inconsistent. Haven't even seen him in two months. And now he's all_ I miss you_ and _want to see you soon_ and _I need a date for a wedding..._








People have lives which sometimes require us to focus are attention where it need to be, we can't always spend every minute pursuing a love interest. Maybe the guy has just been busy, why don't you ask him what he has been up to? Unless you had already told him explicitly that you are not interested in him.


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Funny you mentioned this because that one guy who I told you guys about who we went out with who kinda went MIA and later said he wanted to explain why he'd been out of touch--twice--and never did--was messaging me all I miss you and I want to see you last night and even called me on the phone (he usually just texts). I didn't answer or write him back. I do not want to go on another date with him. He's nice but the thing w/ him saying he wanted to explain..twice...and never did...really turned me off of him. Plus I was never really excited about him. He would make a good friend, I think. I will eventually respond to him but not sure what I will say yet.



Yeah I don't care for this. It's like the person they really wanted didn't pan out so it's time to fall back on #2, doesn't make you feel very good. I've been on a dry spell(just online) for the last couple weeks. Then this week all three gals I contacted wrote back interested lol, what a fire drill
Because I can't stand multi-dating I'm being pretty forward with them seeing if a deal breaker gets exposed and still no one has dropped out yet....might have a busy weekend

Just for the TAM record too, all but one have been hotter and younger than stbxw. I never would have thought that would be the case, but mutual interest says otherwise.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Update from my post yesterday that was:
> 
> 
> 
> So yesterday this guy tells me he is going to a wedding and needs a date... with a winky-face emoji:
> 
> 
> 
> Wtf? People are so inconsistent. Haven't even seen him in two months. And now he's all_ I miss you_ and _want to see you soon_ and _I need a date for a wedding..._


Good call catching that.:smthumbup: 

Being roped into going to a wedding with your ex is worse than a booty call. Because at least with a booty call there's a chance you'll have an orgasm.:rofl:


----------



## Oldfaithful

Lon said:


> He is recently divorced, thus dejected and seeking some female sexual validation. I have seen this time and again, you can read the depression (edit: desperation) on their foreheads.


I saw him again this weekend volunteering and he seemed more centered and confident. 
Are you thinking he looked to me to flirt not caring if I was married?


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> JB, you should have just smiled back and gave him the wave
> 
> View attachment 13233


Hahaha! Love this!! 



Oldfaithful said:


> Question for the men: do you check a woman's hand to see if she has a ring before you start chatting her up?
> Recently I was volunteering at an event for my daughter and one of the fathers started talking to me; I thought he was just being friendly and passing the time.
> Then the second the mention of my husband came up he said "oh that's nice" and walked away!
> I found out later he is recently divorced.
> Not only do I have an obvious wedding ring but I was wearing a name tag that said "mrs".
> I don't get it!


Hmm...methinks he either did NOT notice your nametag with teh "Mrs" or your ring so he was flirting/chatting you up. OR he was just making friendly conversation. Or, he did notice those things and was trying to figure out if you were game for stepping out on your hubby. Could be any of those things.

Rings--I don't always remember to check for them. There have been times where I'm like "I wonder if he's married" and look for fingers but more often than not lately, it completely escapes my mind. I should prob pay more attention to that but the thing is, a lot of people don't even wear rings! My dad never has and my husband never did. Hard to tell sometimes.



Lon said:


> People have lives which sometimes require us to focus are attention where it need to be, we can't always spend every minute pursuing a love interest.


Of COURSE I know people have lives. Mine is quite busy! This guy and I both are working professionals and both are working on degrees so we are both busy as all get out all the time. BUT, he told me twice he wanted to explain his "disappearance" and never came through. Why go through the trouble of saying you are going to explain and then...just not. I have not asked him and honestly don't really care to. My lady parts aren't feeling hot for him anymore. 



badcompany said:


> Then this week all three gals I contacted wrote back interested lol, what a fire drill
> 
> Just for the TAM record too, all but one have been hotter and younger than stbxw. I never would have thought that would be the case, but mutual interest says otherwise.


Woot Woot! You are on fire, badcompany! You will have to let us know how it goes  Wear some sexy cologne.



Nsweet said:


> Being roped into going to a wedding with your ex is worse than a booty call. *Because at least with a booty call there's a chance you'll have an orgasm*.:rofl:


:rofl:

This guy was never my "ex" though. We only went out on two dates but we have known eachother for about a yer and half now.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> But he didn't make you, or the explanation a priority.


That's how I saw it, too. And honestly if I were more interested in him, I would maybe rekindling whatever spark I had in those two dates but like I said above, that stuff made me lose interest in him and I'm not sure I want a rematch, ya know?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Oldfaithful said:


> I saw him again this weekend volunteering and he seemed more centered and confident.
> Are you thinking he looked to me to flirt not caring if I was married?


My thinking is that, as a recent divorcee, especially if he happens to be the one that was left, he is in his own world and willing to accept any kind of attention from any woman, and if you happened to oblige then he had a momentary crush on you. Announcing you are married shook him back into reality ( however for some guys even that is not enough to stop his pursuit, so at least this guy has some basic respect for boundaries even if he is in a place where he needs to push them a little)


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Woot Woot! You are on fire, badcompany! You will have to let us know how it goes  Wear some sexy cologne.


Check I'm leaving the power bacon deodorant at home lol.
It's funny because I'm just being honest about myself and my situation and not doing a whole lot of chasing. I've got to get past the introverted nervous first date part of me and then I'm golden. Top prospect is a 5'-10" redhead CPA that we're 99% compatibility on match. Crossing fingers

I'm wondering if I should go casual or put on my "deal closer" suit from work?

Another interesting factoid.....zero blondes. No idea why.


----------



## Oldfaithful

Lon said:


> My thinking is that, as a recent divorcee, especially if he happens to be the one that was left, he is in his own world and willing to accept any kind of attention from any woman, and if you happened to oblige then he had a momentary crush on you. Announcing you are married shook him back into reality ( however for some guys even that is not enough to stop his pursuit, so at least this guy has some basic respect for boundaries even if he is in a place where he needs to push them a little)


Well that was an instant crush. Unless he saw me at an event previously before he started to volunteer. 

I said something about how tiring the while thing was and he said he was going home to rake his whole yard, and then it turned into my h is making us a turkey dinner to celebrate early, at which point he said "oh that's nice" and walked away. 
People are odd. I wouldn't think to hit on a married person much less in front of the kids.


----------



## Another Planet

Oldfaithful said:


> Question for the men: do you check a woman's hand to see if she has a ring before you start chatting her up?
> Recently I was volunteering at an event for my daughter and one of the fathers started talking to me; I thought he was just being friendly and passing the time.
> Then the second the mention of my husband came up he said "oh that's nice" and walked away!
> I found out later he is recently divorced.
> Not only do I have an obvious wedding ring but I was wearing a name tag that said "mrs".
> I don't get it!


Yes x3000, that is almost always the first place my eyes fall and I find that I naturally act differently with a woman that wears a ring also, it is like a shield against my advances lol well for the most part


----------



## badcompany

I agree if I see a ring I'm done.


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> People are odd. I wouldn't think to hit on a married person much less in front of the kids.


YOU might not but many people will. Crazy a$$ people! Hehehe.


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> I'm wondering if I should go casual or put on my "deal closer" suit from work?


Jeans, a nice sweater, and a nice pair of shoes. Cologne.

You don't want to go too dressy (power suit) or too casual (jeans and t-shirt/sneakers). 

Unless you are going to somewhere super fancy or the opera, I say leave the suit at home.

Interesting about the no blondes. Do you usually get hit on by blondes?


----------



## Nsweet

C'mon, you guys are quitting on a good thing. 

You see a ring and bail out? You're missing out on what happens when a women likes you enough to make you her friend but won't sleep with you because she's committed or just not sexually attracted to you. *And I'm not talking about an affair.* 

Check it out! Women have single female friends, right? And married women are still women. Married women have single female friends. And if you play your cards right (don't be a d!ck) you just might get the best hookup of all... A female friend of married female friend who's heard all the good things about you already and can't wait to meet you. Because when a woman puts in a good word for you with her friends it means a lot. What woman you know is going to risk her friendship recommending jerks?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Jeans, a nice sweater, and a nice pair of shoes. Cologne.
> 
> You don't want to go too dressy (power suit) or too casual (jeans and t-shirt/sneakers).
> 
> Unless you are going to somewhere super fancy or the opera, I say leave the suit at home.
> 
> *Interesting about the no blondes*. Do you usually get hit on by blondes?


Here you go Jellybeans, Click here


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Jeans, a nice sweater, and a nice pair of shoes. Cologne.
> 
> You don't want to go too dressy (power suit) or too casual (jeans and t-shirt/sneakers).
> 
> Unless you are going to somewhere super fancy or the opera, I say leave the suit at home.
> 
> Interesting about the no blondes. Do you usually get hit on by blondes?


Probably going to be slacks and a button up shirt then, I only have one pair of jeans and they've been around the block. 
I'm absolutely a zero for blondes, I think I'm past 10 women now that I've either met or had a lot of correspondence with, and all were redhead or brunette. It's ok actually as that is my preference but it's strange at the same time.
We're going to an above average place, but the middle of the road clothing should be fine there.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> C'mon, you guys are quitting on a good thing.
> 
> You see a ring and bail out? You're missing out on what happens when a women likes you enough to make you her friend but won't sleep with you because she's committed or just not sexually attracted to you. *And I'm not talking about an affair.*
> 
> Check it out! Women have single female friends, right? And married women are still women. Married women have single female friends. And if you play your cards right (don't be a d!ck) you just might get the best hookup of all... A female friend of married female friend who's heard all the good things about you already and can't wait to meet you. Because when a woman puts in a good word for you with her friends it means a lot. What woman you know is going to risk her friendship recommending jerks?


I told you what happens to me with married women, I need to just not go there before I get my ass kicked


----------



## ne9907

so totally off topic, but I passed the civil examination for Library Assistant. I will be getting a call next week for the interview, I have to get ready for it!!
This is my close to my dream job. I want to eventually get my Masters in Library Science.
I don't have an interview date but I am so nervous.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> so totally off topic, but I passed the civil examination for Library Assistant. I will be getting a call next week for the interview, I have to get ready for it!!
> This is my close to my dream job. I want to eventually get my Masters in Library Science.
> I don't have an interview date but I am so nervous.


Way to go ne9907!:smthumbup: 

That's actually not a bad job if you get it. I heard librarian jobs are supposed to be low in stress, except for some patrons, and has a nice routine. Least Stressful Jobs of 2013 - 9. Librarian | CareerCast.com

If I had that job I would never want to leave the self help and dating sections.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Sci Fi sections for me! So any advice on interview questions will be greatly appreciated!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Sci Fi sections for me! So any advice on interview questions will be greatly appreciated!


"So, do you know the dewey decimal system?"
Hell I bet they wouldn't even care about that anymore, everything is probably barcoded and in the computer system like my local library. I remember learning that though in elementary.


----------



## ne9907

Haha, I actually studied on the Dewey Decimal System. Not a single question on that. There was a question that I am ashamed I did not know what it was "What does URL stand for?" but I deducted it was uniform resource locator. When I got home, I googled it and yes I got it right!!!

I also think I got the highest score because right after my score, the notice read: Position 1.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Sci Fi sections for me! So any advice on interview questions will be greatly appreciated!


Yeah, I have an ebook on nothing but tough interview questions. Plenty of others (I've yet to read) on everything from getting a job to body language and social interaction. Just PM me your email address and I'll send you a copy. 

If you want the short answer without doing any work.... Pretty much every job interview you go to you're going to face sh!t tests, have to answer some awkward questions that don't seem like they have to anything to do with the interview, you'll need to learn to make soft eye contact (and I can teach you a simple exercise for this), don't get caught lying, and it's going to end being all about how the interviewer feels about you almost like a date. 

As a matter of fact it's the one on one interview is exactly like a date. A speed date. You sit there while the interviewer asks you a bunch of loaded questions, tries to scan you for lies, and forces awkward small talk where there shouldn't be any. But you can pass an interview pretty easily. It's only them checking to see if your resume matches who you are and them meeting you in person with a serious face, even if it doesn't look that way. 

My one any only golden tip is to not run your mouth. Let silence be golden if your interviewer is busy typing or taking notes.... Same goes for psych interviews and police interrogations if you ever find yourself in one. Also smile a little and bring a little light in with you. And when they ask you a question.... you know what to say and how to be honest. It's not actually that hard it's just the nervousness that will get to you.


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> "So, do you know the dewey decimal system?"


"Don't you know the Dewey decimal system?"


----------



## ne9907

I do have a pretty smile but do need to watch out about rambling. I ramble A LOT when I am excited.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I do have a pretty smile but do need to watch out about rambling. I ramble A LOT when I am excited.


Ok, then here's what you do. Before your interview you're going to talk to 3-5 people in person. Go chat up the cashier at a convenience store, call your mom, anyone really. Just basically get all the chit-chat out of your system and work off that nervous energy before hand. 

You could even masturbate and smoke a cigarette while watching fake job interview porn if you wanted to. Doesn't matter. Do whatever you need to in order to get in the zone and feel primed. It's all in the law of attraction, thoughts into actions, or whatever you want to call it.


----------



## angelpixie

Another Planet said:


> "So, do you know the dewey decimal system?"
> Hell I bet they wouldn't even care about that anymore, everything is probably barcoded and in the computer system like my local library. I remember learning that though in elementary.



Yes, everything is barcoded and in the computer system, but they still have to have a way to organize it on the shelves. 


Ne -- I worked several years in public service (reference and interlibrary loan) before I became a cataloger. I'd be happy to help if I can. Just shoot me a PM.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> "Don't you know the Dewey decimal system?"


I need a poster of him for my cubicle. :smthumbup: 

:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Way to go ne9907!:smthumbup:
> 
> That's actually not a bad job if you get it. I heard librarian jobs are supposed to be low in stress, except for some patrons, and has a nice routine. Least Stressful Jobs of 2013 - 9. Librarian | CareerCast.com
> 
> If I had that job I would never want to leave the self help and dating sections.:rofl:


And don't be fooled by that median salary, ne. I'd be happy to make half that amount.


----------



## tracyishere

I offered my h a job and he accepted. After his first shift he told me the job blows.


----------



## Nsweet

tracyishere said:


> I offered my h a job and he accepted. After his first shift he told me the job blows.


Was this job more than a mouthful and hard to swallow?:rofl:


----------



## tracyishere

Nsweet said:


> Was this job more than a mouthful and hard to swallow?:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> so totally off topic, but I passed the civil examination for Library Assistant. I will be getting a call next week for the interview, I have to get ready for it!!
> This is my close to my dream job. I want to eventually get my Masters in Library Science.
> I don't have an interview date but I am so nervous.


Congrats, girl!


----------



## vi_bride04

So anyone got any dates planned this weekend? 

It is hump day so just figured I'd see if anyone might be getting some action soon...LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

I am traveling this weekend. If I happen to meet a hot hot man, I will report back with my findings/experiment. Muahahaha. 

I hope I get action soon!

Oh and that one guy still keeps texting me winky faces and trying to flirt. With his last texts I realized my lady parts are now having an adverse reaction to him. No more excitement. I never did reply to him when he said he needed a wedding date.


----------



## Jellybeans

... and as I finished typing the above...he just texted me again.

Hahahaha


----------



## badcompany

First date with the redhead CPA tomorrow
First dates are not my strongpoint(shy and nervous) hoping I don't fvck it up!

Btw my co-worker said "meh you won't have a problem finding dates because you're so tall", which I wrote off. But sure enough....my 6'-2" height is attracting 5'-8" to 6'-0" tall women


----------



## Nsweet

badcompany said:


> First date with the redhead CPA tomorrow
> First dates are not my strongpoint(shy and nervous) hoping I don't fvck it up!


Dude, that's ok. Women actually prefer you to be a little shy or nervous rather than try to fake it and act like a ****y PUA jerk. Odds are she'll be nervous too. So long as you don't force the conversation or try to get her talking about sex with you over dinner, you'll be fine. 

Easiest thing to do as a man on a first date is listen to her.


----------



## badcompany

When I'm nervous it's hard to get that smile out in the open, that's my worry. I'm no PUA, never was never will be.


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> First date with the redhead CPA tomorrow
> First dates are not my strongpoint(shy and nervous) hoping I don't fvck it up!
> 
> Btw my co-worker said "meh you won't have a problem finding dates because you're so tall", which I wrote off. But sure enough....my 6'-2" height is attracting 5'-8" to 6'-0" tall women


Woohoo! Tall is good. And don't worry a about being nervous. Everyone is on a first date to some extent.



Nsweet said:


> Dude, that's ok. Women actually prefer you to be a little shy or nervous rather than try to fake it and act like a ****y PUA jerk. .


Agreed. If you act like a jerk and we're on a date, I am leaving. No woman wants to be on a date with an a$$hole. 

Did you decide on what color shirt you are wearing? LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> When I'm nervous it's hard to get that smile out in the open, that's my worry. I'm no PUA, never was never will be.


A beer will help


----------



## vi_bride04

Singles Holiday Bash party with a Meetup group. Dancing, hors d'oeuvres, over 100 people. Guess I'll start testing the waters a little.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> A beer will help


I personally don't like to drink on the first date. If we meet cause I'm out drinking that's different but if it is a planned dinner date I don't tend to like to. I would rather use the time wisely and get to know each other.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Singles Holiday Bash party with a Meetup group. Dancing, hors d'oeuvres, over 100 people. Guess I'll start testing the waters a little.


Woohoo, vi_bride! 




Another Planet said:


> I personally don't like to drink on the first date. If we meet cause I'm out drinking that's different but if it is a planned dinner date I don't tend to like to. I would rather use the time wisely and get to know each other.


You may not but badcompany may.  To each their own!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Woohoo, vi_bride!


There are some good looking dudes in this group, I do have to say. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Get it, Vi! LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Get it, Vi! LOL


:lol:

hahahaha

I won't let you down, JB


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Woohoo, vi_bride!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You may not but badcompany may.  To each their own!


One of my kind of not serious, but kind of for real first date rules is that if there is drinking and at least one swear word on the first date, it is a good first date.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> :lol:
> 
> hahahaha
> 
> I won't let you down, JB


Take one for the teaaaaam! 



angstire said:


> One of my kind of not serious, but kind of for real first date rules is that if there is drinking and at least one swear word on the first date, it is a good first date.


We'll do fine on our first date, then. I'm a lady who has a colorful vocabularly and who enjoys a nice c-cktail.


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Woohoo, vi_bride!
> You may not but badcompany may.  To each their own!


I'm not a beer guy....maybe a glass of wine we'll see.
I've got a lot of shirts, grey, mint green, black, dark red, blue, patterns, and lots of ties to choose from....I'm not sure what I'll wear yet. The mint green and tie turns some heads but I'm not sure if that's a good thing....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I personally don't like to drink on the first date. If we meet cause I'm out drinking that's different but if it is a planned dinner date I don't tend to like to. I would rather use the time wisely and get to know each other.


I actually PREFER to have a drink on a first date! Introvert, ya know...


----------



## badcompany

3Xnocharm said:


> I actually PREFER to have a drink on a first date! Introvert, ya know...


I can relate, I'm slightly extraverted but that's under about a 2-3 date introverted "shell" that needs to break first


----------



## angelpixie

Sounds like another thread idea:

"Drinks on a first date or not?"


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Sounds like another thread idea:
> 
> "Drinks on a first date or not?"


Drinks? Sure. Drunk? No.

:toast:


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Drinks? Sure. Drunk? No.
> 
> :toast:



Good rule.


----------



## badcompany

I could see it already.....wake up in the back seat of my car half naked with lipstick smears all over me.......wait that would be a good thing
I'm a one woman man though hoping for an LTR though, so I've got to keep things sane.


----------



## Jellybeans

badcompany said:


> I'm not a beer guy....maybe a glass of wine we'll see.
> I've got a lot of shirts, grey, mint green, black, dark red, blue, patterns, and lots of ties to choose from....I'm not sure what I'll wear yet. The mint green and tie turns some heads but I'm not sure if that's a good thing....


Hmmm.. I say BLUE!  And why the tie? Jeans, a belt and a nice shirt with nice shoes = ooh la la. Dammit. I kinda wish we could advise you on what to wear...like if there were a TAM portal and we could vote on outfits. Hee hee.



3Xnocharm said:


> I actually PREFER to have a drink on a first date! Introvert, ya know...


:smthumbup:



angelpixie said:


> Sounds like another thread idea:
> 
> "Drinks on a first date or not?"


Haha. Start it up! 

Pbartender nailed it--drinks, yes, drunk, noooo!


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Hmmm.. I say BLUE!  And why the tie? Jeans, a belt and a nice shirt with nice shoes = ooh la la. Dammit. I kinda wish we could advise you on what to wear...like if there were a TAM portal and we could vote on outfits. Hee hee.


If I don't get home too late-spending evening with my kids tonight, I'll take a closet shot and post it up...you're on!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> I'm not a beer guy....maybe a glass of wine we'll see.
> I've got a lot of shirts, grey, mint green, black, dark red, blue, patterns, and lots of ties to choose from....I'm not sure what I'll wear yet. The mint green and tie turns some heads but I'm not sure if that's a good thing....


A tie would send me running. Just sayin.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Hmmm.. I say BLUE!  And why the tie? Jeans, a belt and a nice shirt with nice shoes = ooh la la. Dammit. I kinda wish we could advise you on what to wear...like if there were a TAM portal and we could vote on outfits. Hee hee.
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. Start it up!
> 
> Pbartender nailed it--drinks, yes, drunk, noooo!


OK, sounds like another thread idea:

(to paraphrase the thread in Social)

"Post pics of what you're wearing on your date, if you dare..."


ETA: I'm not going to start it, since I'm not currently going out on dates.


----------



## badcompany

3Xnocharm said:


> A tie would send me running. Just sayin.


I get that. I'm not a tie guy myself. From experience midwest women are more down to earth and I like that. My city has turned into snobville in the last 10 years ad I can't say I like it. Lots of California implant valley girls ugh. Jeans wearing, fishing, down-to-earth women not afraid to get mud on them are a hot commodity and rarity here.


----------



## vi_bride04

No tie, too dressy. 

Collard shirt, nice pair of jeans...you should be fine. 

BE YOURSELF


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> BE YOURSELF



Yes, yes, yes. Don't present a false image of who you are. You want a woman to like you for you.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> No tie, too dressy.
> 
> Collard shirt, *nice pair of jeans*...you should be fine.
> 
> BE YOURSELF


this is where I would be in trouble if I had to go to some singles night out 

Of course here nice dress shorts can go a long way. But, you have to have the knees for it


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> No tie, too dressy.
> 
> Collard shirt, nice pair of jeans...you should be fine.
> 
> BE YOURSELF


Yep. And a nice pair of shoes.

And cologne!


----------



## ne9907

Don't forget to compliment her, tell her how pretty she looks, whatever. We (women) love that stuff!


----------



## Ikaika

Only my simple advice, from myself and learned lessons from my wife. 

Know when to talk and when to listen. Ask questions but not too many. And, most of all read body language, communication is 70% body language.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Don't forget to compliment her, tell her how pretty she looks, whatever. We (women) love that stuff!


But not too much.:nono: You tell a woman she's pretty ONCE, and then you show her how beautiful she is to you with your eyes and your heart. 

Women don't like hearing "gosh your pretty" over and over from a stranger on a first date, and it does make you look like a chump or horny loser to keep complimenting her body. But she'll never get tired of you looking into her eyes and actually listening to her. 

Oh and if you find the right time to gaze into her eyes and her lips and back again, she just might kiss you.:smthumbup:


----------



## badcompany

drerio said:


> this is where I would be in trouble if I had to go to some singles night out
> 
> Of course here nice dress shorts can go a long way. But, you have to have the knees for it


It's FREEZING up here right now no thanks.


----------



## Dollystanford

Drink enough to be sparkling and fabulous and scintillating
Not enough to be sick on his shoes
Dolly's golden rule


----------



## Nsweet

badcompany said:


> It's FREEZING up here right now no thanks.


Family Guy: Coats - YouTube


----------



## badcompany

What do you think of flowers for this first date?


----------



## angstire

badcompany said:


> What do you think of flowers for this first date?


No, no, no! too much, too soon

You'll scare the crap out of her.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> And cologne!


Rule of cologne (his or hers): LESS IS MORE!!! Nothing worse than the 'instant' pounding headache brought on by a fragrance that disagrees with you.


----------



## Ikaika

badcompany said:


> What do you think of flowers for this first date?


I think a better option: If the first date goes well, find a place that makes chocolate arrangements. And, order a very small simple chocolate arrangement to include a note and have it delivered to her. Nothing too mushy or intimate, just a simple note indicating you had a great time. Just my opinion. 

Flowers on a first date I think can be a bit overpowering, but then again others may differ in their opinion.


----------



## Dollystanford

no to flowers


----------



## angelpixie

I agree -- no flowers.


----------



## Nsweet

badcompany said:


> What do you think of flowers for this first date?


It's an archaic practice that just labels you a "nice guy" or a dating chump. 

Don't give flowers to any woman your dating until you start having sex. And the same goes for gifts and chocolates. *You're not buying her love so you can pressure her into giving you something for return, so don't show up as the stranger baring gifts.*

I know it sounds sweet, but she's going to look at that as you spending money on her for something in return or you bringing her flowers because you haven't had a date since the 7th grade. Just wait on giving flowers, unless you happen to pass a pretty one you can put in her hair... maybe steal a kiss in the process.

Plus if she knew the real reason behind giving flowers on a first date she'd be pissed. It dates back to a time when nobody bathed enough and you gave your date flowers so she'd smell nice. Same goes for flowers at weddings and "pockets full of posies". They also had hidden meanings that have been muddled over time and only the flower shop girl will pretend to know.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> What do you think of flowers for this first date?


Dear god no.


----------



## badcompany

I was thinking no, just wanted to ask.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL so I guess it's a no on the flowers


----------



## Ikaika

badcompany said:


> I was thinking no, just wanted to ask.


Whatever you do relax. I don't know if this came through instinct or I was taught this, but I think women can sense a man who is trying too hard and is not relaxed (I may be wrong and willing to stand corrected). Just relax, enjoy the company. 

I really hope this works our well for you.


----------



## tracyishere

If I were to date again, I would much rather do something, then go somewhere.

It would be so much more fun to hang out than to just sit and be on your best behavior. IMO


----------



## angstire

badcompany said:


> I was thinking no, just wanted to ask.



Didn't mean to jump on you, but wanted the passion of my response to come through. 

I'm on date 6 with a woman when we go out tomorrow and I thought today, maybe I send flowers the day after? 

Everyone has their own style, so do it when it feels right to you. Nsweet made some good points about the appearance of earning or buying some of her favor (literally and figuratively) too soon. 

I pay for drinks or coffee on first dates, but flowers and gifts are way too soon before sex or the first 3-4+ dates.

My $.02.


----------



## ne9907

Hmmm
I would like flowers and would not think he is expecting something in return.

Why is this so bad? Please educate me haha!


----------



## unsure78

agree with the others no flowers on the first date.. and nsweet is right do not overcompliment on the first date.... it just creeps us out... listen and look in the eyes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm
> I would like flowers and would not think he is expecting something in return.
> 
> Why is this so bad? Please educate me haha!


It assumes a higher level of intimacy than exists on a first date.


----------



## Another Planet

tracyishere said:


> If I were to date again, I would much rather do something, then go somewhere.
> 
> It would be so much more fun to hang out than to just sit and be on your best behavior. IMO


Yeah I agree I prefer to go out with friends to get to know someone first, it's easier to break the ice and then go out on a one on one date once you know you might like each other...
So many times I meet someone through friends that I think I might like then after hanging out for a night I am like "no way"...


----------



## Another Planet

Now sending flowers to her work after the first date that's different. I would do that if I liked someone.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Now sending flowers to her work after the first date that's different. I would do that if I liked someone.


YIKES!!!!

Too much too soon...well at least for me

You would be a stage 5 clinger in my book


----------



## ne9907

angstire said:


> It assumes a higher level of intimacy than exists on a first date.


I see
I love flowers!! but I agree~


----------



## tracyishere

I think you can reasonably tell if you have some sort of connection after the first date. I personally wouldn't mind a surprise gift. I'd be bragging it up.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> YIKES!!!!
> 
> Too much too soon...well at least for me
> 
> You would be a stage 5 clinger in my book


Really even if we liked each other? That would be clingy? 
Don't worry I wouldn't send flowers to just anyone...and the night would have had to be a total hit.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> YIKES!!!!
> 
> Too much too soon...well at least for me
> 
> You would be a stage 5 clinger in my book


:rofl:
oh my.... I must be so totally off sync with the real world... I would like flowers after a first date if things went well...


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> I think you can reasonably tell if you have some sort of connection *after* the first date. I personally wouldn't mind a surprise gift. I'd be bragging it up.


Yes this is the key. If the date went well, but it has to be simple. Food (chocolate) is a great connection point. 

So to the single guys just a some simple advice. I want to help out.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Really even if we liked each other? That would be clingy?
> Don't worry I wouldn't send flowers to just anyone...and the night would have had to be a total hit.


Sending to work is a little bit of invading personal space, IMO...at least after just a first date...save that stuff for birthdays, valentines day, etc.

If I got flowers in person on the 2nd date or if they were sent to my house vs workplace I wouldn't see it AS clingy. But would be on the lookout for other clingy/nice guy behavior.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Tracy, arent you married?? What are you doing in the singles thread? 

If someone sent flowers after the first date, I would be totaly wigged out by that! My thought would be, why does he think that I like him enough to send me these?? Even if I DID like him.


----------



## angstire

I thought the only place that was allowable to send flowers was to work, so she can brag it up to her friends? I say that mostly tongue in cheek, but not completely.

Based on that, this is why I wouldn't send until deeper into the relationship.


----------



## badcompany

vi_bride04 said:


> YIKES!!!!
> 
> Too much too soon...well at least for me
> 
> You would be a stage 5 clinger in my book


But what you think might be a stage 5 clinger might be the cuddly nice guy that wants to nail you 3 times a day

Seriously though, there is a lot on my mind and I wish there wasn't. Sometimes I feel people have over-complicated dating, and something between what it is now and Terminator 3's "she's a healthy female of breeding age" would be welcome lol


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Sending to work is a little bit of invading personal space, IMO...at least after just a first date...save that stuff for birthdays, valentines day, etc.
> 
> If I got flowers in person on the 2nd date or if they were sent to my house vs workplace I wouldn't see it AS clingy. But would be on the lookout for other clingy/nice guy behavior.


Well then it sounds like we wouldn't be very compatible so you wouldn't be getting flowers anyway 

And jeez, I said if we liked each other not just to any date! This would be like a one in 20 chance of this happening.


----------



## vi_bride04

Just wanted to add, I am not in the mindset to date for LTR and am very guarded so this is how I would interpret things at the point I'm at in my life. Maybe I would interpret differently when I am looking to a LTR and actively dating or at least found a connection with someone?


----------



## tracyishere

3Xnocharm said:


> Tracy, arent you married?? What are you doing in the singles thread?
> 
> If someone sent flowers after the first date, I would be totaly wigged out by that! My thought would be, why does he think that I like him enough to send me these?? Even if I DID like him.


You guys have so much fun...I want to live vicariously through you. Please?


----------



## Nsweet

Here's an idea..... Why not ask her what she likes? Have a hypothetical conversation and ask her if a certain someone she went out with were to send her some flowers if that would be seen as romantic or too much. It couldn't hurt to be upfront and honest instead of speculate.

Personally I agree with vi bride, it's a bit clingy and too fast. But I am guilty of doing this for a girls birthday, and when a horrible blind internet date got some really bad news and couldn't stop crying. I gave the first one a birthday card with $50 inside (she had a 1yo DD) and the second one I gave some roses, a card, and some cupcakes (I think her friend died or something, IDR).


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Tracy, arent you married?? What are you doing in the singles thread?
> 
> If someone sent flowers after the first date, I would be totaly wigged out by that! My thought would be, why does he think that I like him enough to send me these?? Even if I DID like him.


Because Tracy is awesome that's why lol

So you ladies are telling me if you had the most phenomenal night with a date just fireworks everywhere then got flowers a couple days after wards you would be creeped out. I know for a fact the type of women I like would die for that.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Because Tracy is awesome that's why lol
> 
> So you ladies are telling me if you had the most phenomenal night with a date just fireworks everywhere then got flowers a couple days after wards you would be creeped out. I know for a fact the type of women I like would die for that.


Ha. Good luck getting a straight answer. Women don't know what they want, they go be feel. You could have the perfect date and be the right guy at the wrong time, or screw everything up and end up marrying her. 

And Tracy is awesome!:smthumbup:


----------



## tracyishere

I know, right?


----------



## tracyishere

for the record...flowers don't survive long in my care...LOL


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> for the record...flowers don't survive long in my care...LOL


How about chocolate.


----------



## tracyishere

drerio said:


> How about chocolate.


Those go even faster...


----------



## Another Planet

All I know is I am me and I am going to rock being me until I die.
I don't want to be stuck in a incompatible crappy relationship ever again so if it doesn't work out I don't really care but I'm not going to not be me. If I want to give a girl flowers because I like her I will do it, if she doesn't like them or is creeped out then that's fine with me someone will sooner or later and she will be a keeper for me


----------



## tracyishere

sorry, I'll butt out and let the singledons have their fun....


----------



## Another Planet

tracyishere said:


> sorry, I'll butt out and let the singledons have their fun....


It's cool with me if you hang out here :smthumbup:


----------



## tracyishere

Another Planet said:


> It's cool with me if you hang out here :smthumbup:


Thanks.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> All I know is I am me and I am going to rock being me until I die.
> I don't want to be stuck in a incompatible crappy relationship ever again so if it doesn't work out I don't really care but I'm not going to not be me. If I want to give a girl flowers because I like her I will do it, if she doesn't like them or is creeped out then that's fine with me someone will sooner or later and she will be a keeper for me


I just wanted to say, this is VERY attractive. 

The confidence to be yourself and everyone can fvck off that doesn't like you for being you.


----------



## Nsweet

Wait, I think I thought of an exception to that no flowers rule. A chocolate dipped cheesecake bouquet. Because I don't know any woman that doesn't like chocolate and cheesecake. 

Good luck trying to find one though. I can't find any company that makes it.


----------



## COGypsy

I think flowers after a date are lovely. Doesn't have to be a dozen roses, but I send people flowers and buy them for my house oretty often, so I don't think of them as too much of an extravagance, really. I don't like flowers ON a date though because then what do you do with them the whole evening? I feel badly setting them to the side to make room for food and drinks and can't really see holding them in my arm or lap all night either.

I think the weird factor comes in when it's a first date. Usually those are fly-by's anyway. Coffee. Drinks. Flowers are a little presumptive when you probably don't even know their last name or where they work, you know?

Biggest reason though? Allergies. Persobally, I'm terribly, terribly allergic to roses. Send them to my house and I can thank you sincerely and give them away. Send them to my office and I'll be exceedingly grateful for the gesture and place them in the break room for everyone to enjoy. Hand them to me on a date and I'll thank you enthusiastically and at the end of the night hope I can catch a ride from you to the ER for an antihistamine drip.


----------



## badcompany

vi_bride04 said:


> Just wanted to add, I am not in the mindset to date for LTR and am very guarded so this is how I would interpret things at the point I'm at in my life. Maybe I would interpret differently when I am looking to a LTR and actively dating or at least found a connection with someone?


Good point. Red and I have had much discussion and have gotten past the potential "deal breakers" and still want to meet each other. We are both out of marriages where our spouse had a personality disorder, and are both looking for an LTR. I got her to open up first so I wasn't manipulated here. 
She's 30 and I had viewed her profile several times as she was my best mutual match at 99%, but thought I'd be too old for her and didn't message her. I totally forgot that we can see who views your profile and she liked me and broke the ice by messaging me


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


> All I know is I am me and I am going to rock being me until I die.
> I don't want to be stuck in a incompatible crappy relationship ever again so if it doesn't work out I don't really care but I'm not going to not be me. If I want to give a girl flowers because I like her I will do it, if she doesn't like them or is creeped out then that's fine with me someone will sooner or later and she will be a keeper for me


Awesome.

You sound like Tim. I'm Tim too.


----------



## badcompany

Another Planet said:


> All I know is I am me and I am going to rock being me until I die.
> I don't want to be stuck in a incompatible crappy relationship ever again so if it doesn't work out I don't really care but I'm not going to not be me. If I want to give a girl flowers because I like her I will do it, if she doesn't like them or is creeped out then that's fine with me someone will sooner or later and she will be a keeper for me


I totally agree. I'll bend a little and don't mind some compromise, but for the big picture hell yes.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Wait, I think I thought of an exception to that no flowers rule. A chocolate dipped cheesecake bouquet. *Because I don't know any woman that doesn't like chocolate and cheesecake. *
> 
> Good luck trying to find one though. I can't find any company that makes it.


She may LOVE chocolate and cheesecake. But if she has any qualms about how she looks when she meets you, she'll have been starving herself for the week prior to the date so that she looks her 'best' (i.e., not fat). Shoving chocolate and cheesecake in her face may not go over well. Just sayin'. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Ha. Good luck getting a straight answer. *Women don't know what they want*


 Nsweet, sweetie, honey, you should know better than to make generalizations like that.


----------



## vi_bride04

.....man wish I could celebrate hump day like it SHOULD be celebrated


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> .....man wish I could celebrate hump day like it SHOULD be celebrated


With a glass of wine, a bubble bath and perhaps a trip to urgent care??

Oh wait....that's MY hump day!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> She may LOVE chocolate and cheesecake. But if she has any qualms about how she looks when she meets you, she'll have been starving herself for the week prior to the date so that she looks her 'best' (i.e., not fat). Shoving chocolate and cheesecake in her face may not go over well. Just sayin'. :rofl:


Yeah, but can you imagine coming home after a bad date and finding cheesecake? From a a bad situation to a great one.:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Nsweet, sweetie, honey, you should know better than to make generalizations like that.


You know I just said that hoping at least one woman would call my bluff.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

soooo my ex wife is spending the night.........
Shes in the shower right now. I'm not to sure, I'm not to sure I have the strength to not have sex with her tonight.


----------



## tracyishere

Put your head where your heart is.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> soooo my ex wife is spending the night.........
> Shes in the shower right now. I'm not to sure, I'm not to sure I have the strength to not have sex with her tonight.


Dude, don't do it. You're better than an ex's booty call.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> All I know is I am me and I am going to rock being me until I die.


Me too! I am not capable of pretending to be anything but ALL ME! I so do not understand fake people! How do they do that??


----------



## Another Planet

Ok were just going to have a glass of wine and watch boardwalk empires..... as friends.....I can do it...


----------



## tracyishere

Another Planet said:


> Ok were just going to have a glass of wine and watch boardwalk empires..... as friends.....I can do it...



Zip your dong up in your pants. You'll be in too much pain to want it.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Ok were just going to have a glass of wine and watch boardwalk empires..... as friends.....I can do it...


Do you know how this situation sounds? Dude, you're on a romantic date with your ex wife. WTF is she your EX WIFE if she still wants to come over for a glass of wine, hour long drama, and good sex if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you!?

If I were you I'd reconsider my boundaries so you're not disappointed when she moves on leaving you high and dry.


----------



## Clawed

Tonight, I just asked a girl out for Sunday and she seems genuinely excited about it. She is super nice and down to earth, and we have some solid things in common - not the least of which is that we are both newly divorced with kids. Since I have been single, she is the first girl I'm really interested in. 

Now comes the hard part - if any of you have seen some of my other posts you know I have not dated in a freakin' long-azz time. I want it to be casual and fun, but I don't really want to do the dinner and a movie thing if I don't have to. Honestly, she might actually like that, but I wanted to come up with something a little more non-cliché, lol. Anyone have any good ideas for dates that have worked for them? I know she likes music and going for walks... but I don't know. Maybe a concert? Maybe a geocaching excursion? I'm clueless!!! You all seem pretty kewl, so I wanted to ask here :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

I think you already know what to do Clawed. Dinner and a movie is a horrible plan for a date because you can't talk during a movie and a sit down dinner is usually awkward on a first date. Go with a outdoors concert if you can or any place where there's plenty of people so she'll feel less awkward. 

And instead of going to a restaurant just take her to a fancy grocery store with all the chefs preparing different foods from different countries to try. It may not be "romantic" but it's new and exciting and you can mix and match whatever you want and then split a booze-filled $7 dessert.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

But a concert really doesnt give you opportunity to talk either. I would suggest doing drinks and appetizers, or maybe someplace that has amazing desserts, and do dessert and coffee.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> soooo my ex wife is spending the night.........


Um...WHY? :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> But a concert really doesnt give you opportunity to talk either. I would suggest doing drinks and appetizers, or maybe someplace that has amazing desserts, and do dessert and coffee.


How about lunch to go in the park, with dessert coffees, and youtube played on your phone on portable speakers or played in the car. BOOM! Compromise baby.:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Um...WHY? :scratchhead:


To celebrate hump day!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Wait, I think I thought of an exception to that no flowers rule. A chocolate dipped cheesecake bouquet. Because I don't know any woman that doesn't like chocolate and cheesecake.
> 
> Good luck trying to find one though. I can't find any company that makes it.


I DO NOT LIKE chocolate nor cheesecake...
Only time I eat chocolate is when it is hot cocoa.
And it better be cold or raining or snowing or any type of snuggle weather!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I DO NOT LIKE chocolate nor cheesecake...
> Only time I eat chocolate is when it is hot cocoa.
> And it better be cold or raining or snowing or any type of snuggle weather!


No offense ne9907, but you're thin, pretty, and special. You don't count as the majority of all cheesecake chocolate loving women.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

tracyishere said:


> Zip your dong up in your pants. You'll be in too much pain to want it.


LOL 



Nsweet said:


> Do you know how this situation sounds? Dude, you're on a romantic date with your ex wife. WTF is she your EX WIFE if she still wants to come over for a glass of wine, hour long drama, and good sex if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you!?
> 
> If I were you I'd reconsider my boundaries so you're not disappointed when she moves on leaving you high and dry.


Nothing happened.....
She spent the night because her house is freezing and it was like 3deg here last night. 
I made her dinner, and she took a shower. We watched Board Walk Empires and had a few glasses of wine in my bed. She started getting touchy feely cuddly after an episode and a couple glasses of moscato and me having absolutely no dignity at all said "it's kinda cold do want to just sleep here with me?" lol, she must have snapped back into reality and realized where this was going cause she was like " oh my god I can't do this I'll just get hurt again" 
So I was just like whatever set her up in the other room and then I went to bed... kinda irritated but probably for the best.

I'm sorry but any woman that comes over and I make her dinner, have nice conversation and laughs with a couple glasses of wine, hang out all cozy in MY BED getting all touchy feely with I am totally going to try to sleep with lol

I guess if I really wanted to try I could have totally got her juices flowing but now that I'm thinking about it I didn't try at all, I guess I didn't have any real intentions anyway so I must have gone into this just testing the waters...sad cause we do have a lot of fun together.

That's one thing I just absolutely hate about her, she is so ***ing reserved and indecisive AND no fun. Anyone else and I would have turned it up a notch, maybe I didn't even want anything to happen anyway...strange to analyze myself like that...maybe I decided subconsciously that I am done with her


----------



## Nsweet

Dude, you're way over thinking it. Sounds to me like she's the type of woman that has to feel in control in order to be turned on. Sex has to be her idea, on her terms, and if you don't like that she'll flip the switch right off and act like you're wrong for wanting her. A woman like this is so push-pull it's annoying.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Dude, you're way over thinking it. Sounds to me like she's the type of woman that has to feel in control in order to be turned on. Sex has to be her idea, on her terms, and if you don't like that she'll flip the switch right off and act like you're wrong for wanting her. A woman like this is so push-pull it's annoying.


There's a reason she's your *EX*-wife, Planet.


----------



## unsure78

so slow hat and I are actually "hanging out" on friday night... dont know what we are doing yet but we laugh a lot when together so im sure it will be a good time...

Killer hat is now on hold... I found out he had some personal stuff going on... so he may come back around, but im not holding my breath or waiting on him... so slow hat get his chance


----------



## Another Planet

I don't think the control thing, she is very meek and timid. But she is definitely push-pull but it's cause she is seriously indecisive, she is constantly paranoid about everything. 
She started it anyway lol
I bet we will get it on with in a couple months


----------



## vi_bride04

Way to not have "oneitis", unsure. Have fun with slow hat 

Glad you are having fun with your hat collection.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I don't think the control thing, she is very meek and timid. But she is definitely push-pull but it's cause she is seriously indecisive, she is constantly paranoid about everything.
> She started it anyway lol
> I bet we will get it on with in a couple months


Covert control maybe?


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Covert control maybe?


Maybe? I am not controlled easily though, if I even get a whiff of control I tell you to screw off. Just like last night she started getting weird about where it was going so I kicked her out of my bed. I don't fck around, I'm not going to sit there and play some stupid teenager games and be led along on a leash.

It's seriously to bad cause we use to have a lot of fun together.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Maybe? I am not controlled easily though, if I even get a whiff of control I tell you to screw off. Just like last night she started getting weird about where it was going so I kicked her out of my bed. I don't fck around, I'm not going to sit there and play some stupid teenager games and be led along on a leash.
> 
> It's seriously to bad cause we use to have a lot of fun together.


That's a nice alpha way to look at things, but unfortunately these men and women very skilled at covert abuse are hard to detect without training. The number one thing they pull out of their crazy tool box most often is guilt trips and shaming tactics. And these are usually used on you whenever you say no or let them down in any way, and also to get you to do things they don't want to do themselves.

Did your ex wife make you feel bad for her living her separate life in the cold and accept her invitation to sleep over? Wouldn't you say she lead you on and then made a big deal out of you wanting to have sex when you've already been having booty calls for a while? These are things you need to be thinking about.


----------



## vi_bride04

....any woman who is drinking wine, with a man IN HIS BED, who they've already had sex with...flirting, touching, etc...well...do I really need to say anything more? They KNOW they are more than likely going to do the nasty. Any woman putting themselves in that situation and expecting to NOT have sex is a fricken idiot. 

She played victim, got the invite over, you made her feel good by stroking her ego with the flirting and coming on to her...she in essence turned you down by not jumping on top of you when you tried to initiate....

Sounds like a woman using her sexual appeal for emotional control to me.


----------



## Nsweet

Free food, free booze, free place to stay, no giving you sex in return. Sounds like she's got a sweet thing going for her. 

I'd say either you marry her again and make what she's doing to you sound perfectly acceptable, or you start charging her for food and rent like a motel while you screw other women in the living room. I'm trying to say you should make things uncomfortable for her at your place.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Free food, free booze, free place to stay, no giving you sex in return. Sounds like she's got a sweet thing going for her.
> 
> I'd say either you marry her again and make what she's doing to you sound perfectly acceptable, or you start charging her for food and rent like a motel while you screw other women in the living room. I'm trying to say you should make things uncomfortable for her at your place.


Worked for me.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Hhhmmmmm...damn you guys are good, ok I concur.
She had held me emotional hostage for a long time, so normal situations are foreign to me. Yes any woman in that situation is an idiot for not expecting something like that to happen. You are right she knew where it was going to go, or where it was suppose to go anyway.

I need a normal girlfriend.....

Well I will remember this when she gets pissed when I end up with a new woman. She wasn't taking care of me so I went elsewhere. Now it's just working on getting a GF lol


----------



## Nsweet

Hey Another Planet, check out shrink4men.com It's an awesome website for men (and women to a lesser extent) in your position. It's written by a beautiful redhead ex-feminist woman too! Just read up there, find the article with the mousetrap game pic on how covert abuse starts (I think I searched "hawt" and found it), and try to learn as much as you can.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Hey Another Planet, check out *shrink4men.com* It's an awesome website for men (and women to a lesser extent) in your position. It's written by a beautiful redhead ex-feminist woman too! Just read up there, find the article with the mousetrap game pic on how covert abuse starts (I think I searched "hawt" and found it), and try to learn as much as you can.


Well then dammit......that should be a sticky

I feel like that scene in "The Other Guys" where they get tricked into accepting tickets to a ball game and then to a concert.....


----------



## Nsweet

Here it is. Abused Men: How Covert Abuse Begins, Part One | Shrink4Men


----------



## Another Planet

I read it.....and now I am rereading it and the whole time I am just like GA DAMMIT she frkn did it to me again! 

I just keep seeing scenes in my head from last night, like when she took a fork full of of the food I made her and asked me if I wanted a bite then feed it to me, then I got up to get a beer and she handed me her wine glass and asked me to get her more.....

I'm a frkn IDIOT!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I don't think the control thing, she is very meek and timid. But she is definitely push-pull but it's cause she is seriously indecisive, she is constantly paranoid about everything.
> She started it anyway lol
> *I bet we will get it on with in a couple months*


You SERIOUSLY need to NOT do this. This your EX WIFE, she is EX for reason, and you will have no real chance with someone new if you keep revisiting the same mistake over and over.


----------



## angstire

Great article on online dating. It expands the pool beyond our social networks, but the work is up to us to meet, evaluate and connect. Or not.

A Psychologist's Guide to Online Dating - Olga Khazan - The Atlantic


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> Sounds like a woman using her sexual appeal for emotional control to me.


This. I've seen it and been victim of it. My bad Friday night date, this.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> No offense ne9907, but you're thin, pretty, and special. You don't count as the majority of all cheesecake chocolate loving women.:rofl:


haha
if it wasn't from the Lessons you and all the wise TAM fellows have taught me, my panties would be on the floor.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Hhhmmmmm...damn you guys are good, ok I concur.
> She had held me emotional hostage for a long time, so normal situations are foreign to me. Yes any woman in that situation is an idiot for not expecting something like that to happen. You are right she knew where it was going to go, or where it was suppose to go anyway.
> 
> I need a normal girlfriend.....
> 
> Well I will remember this when she gets pissed when I end up with a new woman. She wasn't taking care of me so I went elsewhere. Now it's just working on getting a GF lol


After reading the episode with your ex wife, an image from The Simpsons popped into my head. I don't know why. Please don't get offended. 
The episode I am talking about is when Bart fell in love with a beautiful girl (I think she was the pastor's daughter). 
At the end, Bart envisioned (?) her ripping his heart out of his chest and she said "You wont be needing this anymore"
as she squeezed the life out of his heart.
But you know Bart, he always jumps back to life. You will too


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> After reading the episode with your ex wife, an image from The Simpsons popped into my head. I don't know why. Please don't get offended.
> The episode I am talking about is when Bart fell in love with a beautiful girl (I think she was the pastor's daughter).
> At the end, Bart envisioned (?) her ripping his heart out of his chest and she said "You wont be needing this anymore"
> as she squeezed the life out of his heart.
> But you know Bart, he always jumps back to life. You will too


Well actually thank you NE, your empathy is up lifting  
And I do actually remember that episode and no offense is taken.


----------



## badcompany

Another Planet said:


> LOL
> 
> 
> 
> Nothing happened.....
> She spent the night because her house is freezing and it was like 3deg here last night.
> I made her dinner, and she took a shower. We watched Board Walk Empires and had a few glasses of wine in my bed. She started getting touchy feely cuddly after an episode and a couple glasses of moscato and me having absolutely no dignity at all said "it's kinda cold do want to just sleep here with me?" lol, she must have snapped back into reality and realized where this was going cause she was like " oh my god I can't do this I'll just get hurt again"
> So I was just like whatever set her up in the other room and then I went to bed... kinda irritated but probably for the best.
> 
> I'm sorry but any woman that comes over and I make her dinner, have nice conversation and laughs with a couple glasses of wine, hang out all cozy in MY BED getting all touchy feely with I am totally going to try to sleep with lol
> 
> I guess if I really wanted to try I could have totally got her juices flowing but now that I'm thinking about it I didn't try at all, I guess I didn't have any real intentions anyway so I must have gone into this just testing the waters...sad cause we do have a lot of fun together.
> 
> That's one thing I just absolutely hate about her, she is so ***ing reserved and indecisive AND no fun. Anyone else and I would have turned it up a notch, maybe I didn't even want anything to happen anyway...strange to analyze myself like that...maybe I decided subconsciously that I am done with her



Any boundaries here that he didn't break with his ex besides not boinking her?
Seriously my ex will be allowed in my place to retrieve or drop off kids and their baggage and that's it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

AP--- 

You should have kissed her when she was in your bed. A few glasses of wine, etc. (even if she is "trying" to manipulate/control/etc you are going to get the juices flowing) Then, you should have banged her brains out. When you got done, you should have looked at her and said, "Ok, I'm good now. You can leave." 

End of story. That's the kind of message you send to a manipulative ex. That is, if you were dumb enough to cook for her and all that other jazz.


----------



## badcompany

Dedicated2Her said:


> AP---
> 
> You should have kissed her when she was in your bed. A few glasses of wine, etc. (even if she is "trying" to manipulate/control/etc you are going to get the juices flowing) Then, you should have banged her brains out. When you got done, you should have looked at her and said, "Ok, I'm good now. You can leave."
> 
> End of story. That's the kind of message you send to a manipulative ex. That is, if you were dumb enough to cook for her and all that other jazz.



That's great if you can do this. I was so turned off with everything my stbxw has done I couldn't touch her with a 10' pole despite her beauty......she's "emotionally gross" to me. No thanks.


----------



## Another Planet

badcompany said:


> Any boundaries here that he didn't break with his ex besides not boinking her?
> Seriously my ex will be allowed in my place to retrieve or drop off kids and their baggage and that's it.





Dedicated2Her said:


> AP---
> 
> You should have kissed her when she was in your bed. A few glasses of wine, etc. (even if she is "trying" to manipulate/control/etc you are going to get the juices flowing) Then, you should have banged her brains out. When you got done, you should have looked at her and said, "Ok, I'm good now. You can leave."
> 
> End of story. That's the kind of message you send to a manipulative ex. That is, if you were dumb enough to cook for her and all that other jazz.


lol. Are their boundaries for single people? Or is it just cause it's my ex?


----------



## badcompany

It's about letting go of your ex. Like I said if you can bang her brains out and kick her out afterwards, more power to you. I can't.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

badcompany said:


> It's about letting go of your ex. Like I said if you can bang her brains out and kick her out afterwards, more power to you. I can't.


I could. My ex is super hot. However, I wouldn't be cooking for her or watching tv with her. It would cramp my style way too much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

On second thought, I would do it just to be able to tell my buddies I did it. LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

So wait are you guys for or against me getting it with my ex? lol

We aren't going back to being married that's for sure and like I said we had some fun together in the past. Positive and negative feelings are all still there just there is an animalistic urge there or something...unfinished business lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> *So wait are you guys for or against me getting it with my ex?* lol
> 
> We aren't going back to being married that's for sure and like I said we had some fun together in the past. Positive and negative feelings are all still there just there is an animalistic urge there or something...unfinished business lol


I am against. Just sayin. Nothing good can come of it, I am sure you could find plenty of other women to have sex with.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> So wait are you guys for or against me getting it with my ex? lol
> 
> We aren't going back to being married that's for sure and like I said we had some fun together in the past. Positive and negative feelings are all still there just there is an animalistic urge there or something...unfinished business lol


I don't have a rule about exs...I have never gone back for hanky panky with any of mine, but can't say that I wouldn't. I'm not going to put myself in a situation to find out though! 

So its not that she's your ex that's the problem(for me at least), its that she is a game playing, manipulative, emotionally abusive person.

Those people don't deserve your time of day. Period. Ex or not.


----------



## badcompany

Date time in 2 hours.....nervous lol


----------



## Another Planet

:smthumbup: You can do it!


----------



## angelpixie

Another Planet said:


> lol. Are their boundaries for single people? Or is it just cause it's my ex?


All emotionally healthy people have personal boundaries, single or not.


----------



## Ikaika

badcompany said:


> Date time in 2 hours.....nervous lol


Take deep breath, relax. You will be fine.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> All emotionally healthy people have personal boundaries, single or not.


And realize when someone is crossing them


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> And realize when someone is crossing them


Yeah well I guess I'm still on that rollercoaster, disgusted with myself for even considering her again now. I just keep thinking of her pregnant with that piece of ****s child while I was trying my hardest to just keep us all together somehow and from wanting to end it all and somehow find the strength to continue building us while she was tearing it down me down to build a life with someone else. ***in sick


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yeah well I guess I'm still on that rollercoaster, disgusted with myself for even considering her again now. I just keep thinking of her pregnant with that piece of ****s child while I was trying my hardest to just keep us all together somehow and from wanting to end it all and somehow find the strength to continue building us while she was tearing it down me down to build a life with someone else. ***in sick


It takes time, stop beating yourself up so much. 

I had some major revelations lately about people and boundaries and myself and I have been officially divorced over a year already. Haven't seen or heard my ex since Aug of 2012. It takes a long time to process all the emotions and fallout from ending an emotionally abusive situation. But keeping contact with the abuser only makes it that much harder.


----------



## tracyishere

Another Planet said:


> Yeah well I guess I'm still on that rollercoaster, disgusted with myself for even considering her again now. I just keep thinking of her pregnant with that piece of ****s child while I was trying my hardest to just keep us all together somehow and from wanting to end it all and somehow find the strength to continue building us while she was tearing it down me down to build a life with someone else. ***in sick



I think whatever desire you have for her is normal. You are not only having to grieve and accept the loss of your wife, you are grieving the loss of your friend, partner, the mother of your children and all the dreams you had together. 

It'll take time to let it all go. And until you do, you'll probably still hold on to her.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Yeah well I guess I'm still on that rollercoaster, disgusted with myself for even considering her again now. I just keep thinking of her pregnant with that piece of ****s child while I was trying my hardest to just keep us all together somehow and from wanting to end it all and somehow find the strength to continue building us while she was tearing it down me down to build a life with someone else. ***in sick


So is she married??


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> if it wasn't from the Lessons you and all the wise TAM fellows have taught me, my panties would be on the floor.


Oh damn!:rofl: Then I definitely need to add that to the playbook. A back-handed complimant/insult where I call you pretty, thin, and special, it's BRILLIANT! And it's kinda assh*ley.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> So is she married??


No shes not married, our paperwork just got settled and is now in the judges hands until the end of the year.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> So wait are you guys for or against me getting it with my ex? lol
> 
> We aren't going back to being married that's for sure and like I said we had some fun together in the past. Positive and negative feelings are all still there just there is an animalistic urge there or something...unfinished business lol


I was doing research on your previous post to answer this question, I was leaning towards saying to give it another go with your ex, until I read this: 

*Yeah well I guess I'm still on that rollercoaster, disgusted with myself for even considering her again now. I just keep thinking of her pregnant with that piece of ****s child while I was trying my hardest to just keep us all together somehow and from wanting to end it all and somehow find the strength to continue building us while she was tearing it down me down to build a life with someone else. ***in sick *

Then my answer would be no.

BTW, as I was doing my research I happened onto this http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...7-crap-i-think-i-just-realized-something.html and you mention a personality disorder test; I tried to take this test but my server would not allow it??

2btw I just ate the most delicious apple in the world!!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907, I doubt you have a personality disorder. The fact that you're talking about your issues with us and feeling guilty over your marriage, and not head over heals in love with some new and easy target, just goes to show how normal you are. The deeply disturbed PD women that get a bad wrap on TAM have certain characteristics that I just don't see in you. And unless you start drinking a twelve pack every night and banging your neighbors husband and telling us how special he is and all that crap immature cheaters say, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of a personality disorder.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> ne9907, I doubt you have a personality disorder. The fact that you're talking about your issues with us and feeling guilty over your marriage, and not head over heals in love with some new and easy target, just goes to show how normal you are. The deeply disturbed PD women that get a bad wrap on TAM have certain characteristics that I just don't see in you. And unless you start drinking a twelve pack every night and banging your neighbors husband and telling us how special he is and all that crap immature cheaters say, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of a personality disorder.


haha
that sounds like fun.. I am kidding! I discovered a new thread and discovering new songs I had never heard before!~
NYE for the TAM surfer. Good stuff!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> that sounds like fun.. I am kidding! I discovered a new thread and discovering new songs I had never heard before!~
> NYE for the TAM surfer. Good stuff!


I posted on there a lot in the past but I stopped because 2ntnuf likes to pick apart my songs and argue if he doesn't like them. So for a while there I only posted controversial hard rock and metal songs with f*cked up videos, like black metal and rap videos with actual porn. He was so pissed!:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

tracyishere said:


> I think whatever desire you have for her is normal. You are not only having to grieve and accept the loss of your wife, you are grieving the loss of your friend, partner, the mother of your children and all the dreams you had together.
> 
> It'll take time to let it all go. And until you do, you'll probably still hold on to her.



Well put Trace and all the best Planet.
You know though , of all the people in the world , freedom handed to you on a silver platter , ever think how weird it is that we might want "that one " back ?
It's really strange if you think about it but then , it's much deeper to l know and then all this stuff Trace has said.


----------



## whitehawk

l need some GIRL pointers people and l've got some really stupid questions - ha so what's new , l know :scratchhead:

Is it a no no to approach a girl in the supermarket ?
And , if you did , how would you suggest l go about it - a customer l mean ?
Would a girl , maybe single , l hope , try to attract you in a place like a supermarket , l mean in a wil he come and talk to me way ?
l know , they're getting sillier - what can l say :rofl:
Do you think this girl was hoping l'd notice , maybe talk or something ?
I know , we turn into 15yr olds with this stuff 

She was in one isle over , l was in one across and direct view . Dunno how l missed her actually, think l'm slipping 
But l was doodling over some stuff trying to pick one , deep in concentration for once but glanced up and ooow .
Then l realized she'd been doodling about right across from me for a fair while . But she had her [email protected] facing me , very , um , very , nicely poised l might add . And it was one extremely nice little unit too :lol:

I noticed she noticed me spotting her , youknow how some chicks just have eyes in the back of their head with this stuff , well she just gently maneuvered that little honey about and held my best angle for like what must've been - 3 days , nah l wish , but a good few minutes .
My focus was shot , on all foods l mean . 
She knew well and truly buy now and l could see her looking with her back of head eyes .

And now , l just wish , but l didn't . What an idiot , l didn't . She was exactly my type , perfect .
But after all that drooling l thought oh , [email protected] , l better stop this and look like l'm shopping . So l wondered over to get something in another lane , then l lost her. Man they can be quick sometimes :scratchhead:
So l'm thinking anyway , ahh , she's probably got someone , ahh what the hell would l say to her , ahh , she'd think l'm some desperate . 

So what's the drill . l didn't and here l am regretting it. Gonna be a lota shopping coming up .


----------



## Nsweet

Whitehawk, picking up women in grocery stores may be a little advanced for you. Learn the basics first like how to keep eye contact without looking away and security in yourself, and then start practicing meeting women in grocery stores.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Whitehawk, picking up women in grocery stores may be a little advanced for you. Learn the basics first like how to keep eye contact without looking away and security in yourself, and then start practicing meeting women in grocery stores.


Ahh , just a one off but l'm hoping to see her again and if l do :smthumbup:. 
l talk to girls very easily actually and have in supermarkets and shops plenty of times but not as a supermarket pick up though , thought that might come across a little creepy.

Anyway , so do you think she was hoping that's the thing ?
Was l seeing what l hoped l was ?

Eye contact you reckon , it's a funny thing that . You know l've always been weird on held direct eye contact type thing with girls. Again , l always feel it'll creep them out .
l grew up with 6 sisters you see , yep 6 , not much l haven't heard believe me .:lol:
But they were always moaning about guys trying to pick them up .That leaves a very lasting creeper awareness on you !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Ahh , just a one off but l'm hoping to see her again and if l do :smthumbup:.
> l talk to girls very easily actually and have in supermarkets and shops plenty of times but not as a supermarket pick up though , thought that might come across a little creepy.
> 
> Anyway , so do you think she was hoping that's the thing ?
> Was l seeing what l hoped l was ?
> 
> Eye contact you reckon , it's a funny thing that . You know l've always been weird on held direct eye contact type thing with girls. Again , l always feel it'll creep them out .
> l grew up with 6 sisters you see , yep 6 , not much l haven't heard believe me .:lol:
> But they were always moaning about guys trying to pick them up .That leaves a very lasting creeper awareness on you !


Well, here's what I know.... Women interested in you will look your way on average of 3 times before you notice. And by the time you catch their gaze they'll give you at lease one indicator of interest or body language signal that they want you to pick up on. They want you to make a move and initiate the chase, because for them approach you it kills the subtle mating dance our culture is conditioned to. 

I'll tell you exactly what to do for next time. The very next time you think a woman might be interested in you, but you can't tell for sure, you go up and say hi. That's pretty much it. Say "hi" make eye contact, smile a little, don't play any games or try to feed her a line. That's all you need to do to initiate. Now to keep talking to her, that's a challenge. Because of the short time span you have waiting in line for anything, you only get about half a minute to just a few minutes. And If you have nothing you can think of to say to a woman then... Just ask her about herself or whatever relates to the situation. 

In a grocery store you could ask her what's she's cooking or make a light-hearted joke about what she's buying, so long as it's not embarrassing or mean. I look at what women around me buy all the time and I've gotten laughs by commenting on the woman buying strawberries and c*cktail mix, asking her if she was making strawberry margaritas. I remember there was one young nerdy looking girl buying lots of thongs and hair care products. I didn't say anything because I could just see the embarrassment coming off of her.:rofl: 

Oh and don't ever be afraid to compliment a woman or say something nice to her with a smile on your face. A lot of guys now would have you believe that you need to be a jerk to get women but I'll tell you I've the only person to ask a woman if she changed her hair or lost weight and both of those girls just lit up and became so charming because they had gone the whole day and no one said anything to them. I even remember complimenting a woman with a lot of tattoos that guys seemed to be avoiding and I did not expect to get any good feedback from her. 

So it's been my practice ever since to try to pick up on those things and at least compliment one woman while I'm out. You never know man, you could ask a woman about anything and be that one guy that made her day that day. The only rule that goes here is do not try to stick around bugging her or keep talking to her if she doesn't seem interested in you. You say whatever you have to say and then walk on. Usually you're only going to get one reaction anyways and that will be it, but that's all you need to learn from. 

If you're really interested in this stuff just research the seven or eight signs of attraction a woman gives, and start practicing talking to women in places you feel uncomfortable. Most of the time she's probably going to feel just as uncomfortable as you and if you're halfway decent she'll appreciate the conversation if nothing else.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks NS . Nah not looking to pick up women buddy, just this one . l shop here all the time so l hope to see her again.
But you describing things , l see now as l suspected , she was waiting for me to notice her.
l remember now as reading what you've said , feeling her looking over as l wasn't taking any notice. l remember catching each others eyes , it was like hurray and she then popped out that magnificent [email protected] and stood there a few minutes. l could feel her peaking though , too busy looking at the [email protected] :smthumbup:


Hi you reckon , think l could manage that :lol:

Funny though talking this stuff , did you read my tattoo chick , l call her.
This girl was behind the counter so when l took clothes up to pay , l noticed this gorgeous brand new tat on her back.
l said my God that is beautiful can l see it, she says oh wow thanks and turned around , lowere her top -at the back that is , and , my God the most beautiful shoulders and tattoo l've ever seen. 
l get really bold and playful sometimes and l was in a good mood that day. So the next minute what comes out of my mouth - oh wow that is so gorgeous , l'd love to lick that. She goes hmm, and lowered the back of the top a bit more and said see it goes bla bla. Then a granny pops up to be served , thoroughly disgusted of course .
l was just playin but she was nice and that tat , yummo.
Anyway was in there a few wks later , paying for my stuff , a girl there but she looked different and again , playful mood and l say , are you the one with that beautiful tat - yep l am she , would you like to see it again and l got a few minutes this time to admire it.

She always watches me now but she's too young for me. Cutie though !


----------



## Nsweet

Ask her out! You only get so much time to do so before you're SOL and in the friend-zone, or someone else snaps her up.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Ask her out! You only get so much time to do so before you're SOL and in the friend-zone, or someone else snaps her up.



Who tattoo girl ?. l'd love to umm, well l better not say what l'd love to do but nah . lt'd get messy , she'd fall in love or something believe me . Don't need messy right now.

ps , wtf is sol ?


----------



## whitehawk

Now supermarket chick on the other hand, bit older , already got kids , she can fall in love if she wants :smthumbup:
Actually with that [email protected] she can do anything she damnwell pleases !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Who tattoo girl ?. l'd love to umm, well l better not say what l'd love to do but nah . lt'd get messy , she'd fall in love or something believe me . Don't need messy right now.
> 
> ps , wtf is sol ?


Fall in love with you? More like use you... I used to really go for the heavily tatted and pierced girls, and there's a limit between cute and arty and deep seeded crazy. It's usually the ones with way too many tatts have way too many issues.

SOL = Sh!t out Of Luck


----------



## whitehawk

Hey , in loooovvve with the butt.
Or as my d would say-talk to the butt :rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Confidence, confidence, confidence....whitehawk. You already have her on a pedestal. She isn't any different from the other billions of girls out there. You've got to get to a point that talking to strangers or new people is so natural. I chat it up with randoms all the time in the supermarket, the elevator at work, etc. It just gets natural. 

My favorite quote, "Have faith....believe in yourself....and what others think....won't matter."


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Fall in love with you? More like use you... I used to really go for the heavily tatted and pierced girls, and there's a limit between cute and arty and deep seeded crazy. It's usually the ones with way too many tatts have way too many issues.
> 
> SOL = Sh!t out Of Luck


[email protected] out of luck , l like it :lol:

Nah l don't get used too smart for that. Hang on , there was this once.
She's only got the one , believe me , she'd fall in love. Been there too many times , she's the loven kind 

PS , l wouldn't go for heavily tatted either , l reckon it looks off don't you ?
My x had one beautiful swallow rose number on one shoulder we designed ourselves, use to love licking that too haha .


----------



## unsure78

sigh... so i lost two this week.... it will be a solo weekend for me... killer on hold unknown if comming back around due to personal circumstances and slow hat is "sick" and was whinny about it...,nothing turns me off faster than a whinny man, my exh was totally like that... and i dont ecen believe that slow hat is sick.... back to square one i guess :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Whitehawk... Chillax.

Then everything falls into place.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Oh, and by the way ladies and gents, in 12 hours I will be in a hot tub, sipping on sparkling white wine, spending the weekend in a luxury 3 bedroom condo on the Gulf Coast of Florida with an absolute treasure of a woman. It's SO nice to have wealthy, giving family members and a humble, giving, gorgeous person to share it with! 

:smthumbup: Divorce for me, a blessing like no other! lol


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> Confidence, confidence, confidence....whitehawk. You already have her on a pedestal. She isn't any different from the other billions of girls out there. You've got to get to a point that talking to strangers or new people is so natural. I chat it up with randoms all the time in the supermarket, the elevator at work, etc. It just gets natural.
> 
> My favorite quote, "Have faith....believe in yourself....and what others think....won't matter."



Funny thing , 1/2 an hr later me and another girl at the laundromat were chatting away waiting for our washing - see guys , never buy a washing machine, STOOPID , but l'm thinking , damn , wrong girl.

Pedestal , noooooo ! 
OK the butt's on a pedestal but eh , that's where it damn well should be 
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

No l must admit , wasn't too sure about a supermarket hit but what that's cool huh ? Actually a lot of the girls here talk about someone in a supermarket don't they , sounds like they wouldn't mind !

ps , thanks D and great quotes btw


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> sigh... so i lost two this week.... it will be a solo weekend for me... killer on hold unknown if comming back around due to personal circumstances and slow hat is "sick" and was whinny about it...,nothing turns me off faster than a whinny man, my exh was totally like that... and i dont ecen believe that slow hat is sick.... back to square one i guess :-(
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry. And do you not know what a mirror is? Have you not looked in one lately? You're HAWT, ok. You can find another man better than gay hat or psycho killer in about 5 minutes anytime before about 11 in a cruising bar. The only thing I would suggest is you get in and get out before every guy there has a chance to hit on you, get rejected, and spread the vibe that you're not interested in anyone.


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Whitehawk... Chillax.
> 
> Then everything falls into place.




OK , practicing PB , as of this moment , right after l get my hands on that [email protected] :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

ls anyone else here an [email protected] man ?

lf your not what's your poison ?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> ls anyone else here an [email protected] man ?
> 
> lf your not what's your poison ?


The first thing I noticed about my gf was her butt. She crossfits and does really well on squats. It's unreal. Flat out, unreal.


----------



## vi_bride04

I would not mind if a guy came up to talk to me in the supermarket. I mean as you get older and busy with life, it gets hard to meet people. Also, if you are confident enough to come up to me in a place like a supermarket and hold a somewhat interesting conversation, big points for confidence. 

Sorry to hear about your hats, unsure. At least you know where slow hat stands and can cut him out. NSweet is right, you are a hottie. You should have no problem finding a couple more hats to try on.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I would not mind if a guy came up to talk to me in the supermarket. I mean as you get older and busy with life, it gets hard to meet people. Also, if you are confident enough to come up to me in a place like a supermarket and hold a somewhat interesting conversation, big points for confidence.


Agree with this....I have had some fun conversations with women at the supermarket. It always was pushed by diet and ideas for keeping different dishes high protein, low carb. In fact, a few people who follow me on pinterest are from the supermarket. 

And, yes, I have a pinterest account. I had to learn how to cook!


----------



## angstire

Nsweet said:


> I posted on there a lot in the past but I stopped because 2ntnuf likes to pick apart my songs and argue if he doesn't like them. So for a while there I only posted controversial hard rock and metal songs with f*cked up videos, like black metal and rap videos with actual porn. He was so pissed!:rofl:


Sir, I like the cut of your gib


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Agree with this....I have had some fun conversations with women at the supermarket. It always was pushed by diet and ideas for keeping different dishes high protein, low carb. In fact, a few people who follow me on pinterest are from the supermarket.
> 
> And, yes, I have a pinterest account. I had to learn how to cook!


Awhile ago I was planning a nice meal for my gf, needed some weird kinda spice, as I was looking this gorgeous lady asked me to reach one down from the top shelf (and the supermarket employee was right there, so I got the hint). I looked up and realized I might also be too short so I joked that I might need her to give me a boost, she seemed unimpressed so I said I wouldn't mind giving her a boost. She laughed and we gave each other wicked smiles, I stretched up as far as I could and caught her scanning me up and down in full plain view (i the n realized I should have dared her to try reaching it herself). We got to talking and turns out she was planning a meal for her bf. Was a fun moment, but I didn't take it any further than that... Why do these rare opportunities only present themself at times when pursuing is not an option?


----------



## vi_bride04

So, anyone got big plans of going grocery shopping tonight? lol

Friday nights are actually really good for grocery shopping where I live. Everything is stocked up fresh for the Saturday rush. There are no people or kids, its quiet, and checkout is a breeze.


----------



## angstire

whitehawk said:


> but she's too young for me.


I'm sorry, I don't understand. She's the age of consent, yes?


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> So, anyone got big plans of going grocery shopping tonight? lol
> 
> Friday nights are actually really good for grocery shopping where I live. Everything is stocked up fresh for the Saturday rush. There are no people or kids, its quiet, and checkout is a breeze.


Why? You gonna go there tonight and fondle the cucumbers and bananas while eye f*cking every single guy there? Because that might actually work.:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Why? You gonna go there tonight and fondle the cucumbers and bananas while eye f*cking every single guy there? Because that might actually work.:rofl:


Not tonight...skipping my usual Friday routine. Got that holiday bash meetup thing tonight 

Once in a while there is a cute one at the store on Fridays, but....most give off a creepy vibe....I go around 10-11pm so there are maybe 15 people in the entire store besides the workers. 

So what you describe would work for sure but do I want it to??!! LMAO


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Not tonight...skipping my usual Friday routine. Got that holiday bash meetup thing tonight
> 
> Once in a while there is a cute one at the store on Fridays, but....most give off a creepy vibe....I go around 10-11pm so there are maybe 15 people in the entire store besides the workers.
> 
> So what you describe would work for sure but do I want it to??!! LMAO


You might want to consider going a little earlier than that if you can. anywhere from 7-9pm in most grocery stores there's going to be the dinner rush, but far fewer chunky drunkies looking for snacks and perverts looking for easy targets. Same goes for night clubs, bars, and sex stored (oddly enough). Creeps tend to favor the night life for some reason.

In all seriousness, I bet if you came up to a single guy and said "Can I help you cook dinner tonight?" you'd get a very positive response. I'd go for it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> Awhile ago I was planning a nice meal for my gf, needed some weird kinda spice, as I was looking this gorgeous lady asked me to reach one down from the top shelf (and the supermarket employee was right there, so I got the hint). I looked up and realized I might also be too short so I joked that I might need her to give me a boost, she seemed unimpressed so I said I wouldn't mind giving her a boost. She laughed and we gave each other wicked smiles, I stretched up as far as I could and caught her scanning me up and down in full plain view (i the n realized I should have dared her to try reaching it herself). We got to talking and turns out she was planning a meal for her bf. Was a fun moment, but I didn't take it any further than that... Why do these rare opportunities only present themself at times when pursuing is not an option?


Lon, I have moments like this ALL the time. So much fun! I always go to the supermarket after crossfit.....in my tight dri fit stuff.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Question for the guys here...

Is it really possible for you to be building a foundation for a real relationship with one woman while you are dating around with other women? :scratchhead:


----------



## Clawed

Nsweet said:


> You might want to consider going a little earlier than that if you can. anywhere from 7-9pm in most grocery stores there's going to be the dinner rush, but far fewer chunky drunkies looking for snacks and perverts looking for easy targets. Same goes for night clubs, bars, and sex stored (oddly enough). Creeps tend to favor the night life for some reason.
> 
> In all seriousness, I bet if you came up to a single guy and said "Can I help you cook dinner tonight?" you'd get a very positive response. I'd go for it.


Dude, I am recruiting you as my wingman. Kewl?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Question for the guys here...
> 
> Is it really possible for you to be building a foundation for a real relationship with one woman while you are dating around with other women?


Well, that all depends. I was dating 3 girls for at least two months until I made a decision to date my current gf exclusively. Honestly, I need to see a person go through all the dealbreakers before I agree to spend time on them exclusively. And, THAT, in itself takes time. No need to create unneeded emotional attachment before you have a good idea of who that person is, geniunely.


----------



## Clawed

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the guys here...
> 
> Is it really possible for you to be building a foundation for a real relationship with one woman while you are dating around with other women? :scratchhead:


Probably not, which is why I have not done it yet - until now. But, I'm doing it because I don't have any idea what to make of the current relationship I am in, so I need a side-by-side analysis. What better way that to date two women at once. That way, both relationships are in the here and now, as opposed to in succession, where it's easy to romanticize a past relationship - or do just the opposite, depending on how it ended.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well, that all depends. I was dating 3 girls for at least two months until I made a decision to date my current gf exclusively. Honestly, I need to see a person go through all the dealbreakers before I agree to spend time on them exclusively. And, THAT, in itself takes time. No need to create unneeded emotional attachment before you have a good idea of who that person is, geniunely.


So, in a scenario like this, is there that ONE that you kind of put off to the side like in a special box or something, because you KNOW that she has the potential to truly be "the one", and spend time nurturing something deeper, while seeing the others more casually?


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> So, in a scenario like this, is there that ONE that you kind of put off to the side like in a special box or something, because you KNOW that she has the potential to truly be "the one", and spend time nurturing something deeper, while seeing the others more casually?


Is this about Mr. NoChem? Do you think this is what he is doing with you? 
This is a really good question and would like the opinions of the men.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> So, in a scenario like this, is there that ONE that you kind of put off to the side like in a special box or something, because you KNOW that she has the potential to truly be "the one", and spend time nurturing something deeper, while seeing the others more casually?


No. Because until I had a chance to truly spend the time to observe them and watch reactions/ask deep questions.....over time, I would treat them in same category as the others. All of those dating relationships were very "surface" for me. That was, until I made the decision that, internally, my gf had everything I was looking for. The others were very close to being that. It was when I made that decision and really started to pursue her exclusively that our emotional attachment started truly deepening. Then, she became that special "one". Only THEN.


----------



## angstire

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the guys here...
> 
> Is it really possible for you to be building a foundation for a real relationship with one woman while you are dating around with other women? :scratchhead:


No, it's not. Dating multiple women is about getting to know each of them, sometimes comparing and seeing as something deeper starts to develop with one of them. And then focusing on just one.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the guys here...
> 
> Is it really possible for you to be building a foundation for a real relationship with one woman while you are dating around with other women? :scratchhead:


We have heard from two men, but I am impatient. So here are my two cents. It reflects my own set of ethics.

No. I put myself in a guy's shoes. I would not be dating around more than one person and have someone on the back burner because I think they could be the one.

I would not date a guy who is also dating other women besides me. I will not compete for a man's affection. If he wants to date other women, then go ahead, date. But I will certainly not wait around.

There is a reason I hate shows like "the bachelor" or "bachelorette".


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Is this about Mr. NoChem? Do you think this is what he is doing with you?
> This is a really good question and would like the opinions of the men.


This is what it has felt like. He has been treating me like his girlfriend, but is still dating others. (as am I) So its really confusing. He took me to Thanksgiving at his parents house. He took me to the Xmas party for his car club. He spent his birthday with me ( I took him out). He touches me like you would your girlfriend, you know, those little random touches on the face, the back, etc...holds my hand, sits with his hand on my leg or around me. These are all girlfriend things. I know I need to get away from him until he can commit, but I am really having a hard time.


----------



## vi_bride04

So does he have boundary issues?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> This is what it has felt like. He has been treating me like his girlfriend, but is still dating others. (as am I) So its really confusing. He took me to Thanksgiving at his parents house. He took me to the Xmas party for his car club. He spent his birthday with me ( I took him out). He touches me like you would your girlfriend, you know, those little random touches on the face, the back, etc...holds my hand, sits with his hand on my leg or around me. These are all girlfriend things. I know I need to get away from him until he can commit, but I am really having a hard time.



You are getting "trolled".


----------



## angstire

This is a hot mess of a tale about a girl named Friday that I went on one date with. 

We met on Match. I broke a date with her three weeks ago because she lives in the burbs (I live in the city), doesn't have a completed degree (I do), I suspsected she was a SAHM on alimony (I like a woman with a white collar career like me) and things were going well for me with another girl named K (who has since cut me loose). So I thought, Friday is cute, let's try again. She's all over rescheduling the first date.

We meet at a pub for pints and hit it off. We like similar music, have good discussions on religion, parenting, etc. I start to notice, using my TAM spidey-sense, this feels like mirroring. She's engaging, she's really cute for 38 (looks 29-30), but I just started to feel she might be crazy. I rationalize that we can still have a good date and maybe I'll find out about the crazy later on a second date, but for now, this is fun. Her last two boyfriends broke up with her. Hmm, interesting. Her bra and breasts are spilling out of her tank top. Hmmm, very interesting. Hates her mom, idolizes her alcoholic father who died. Hmmm, interesting. Sinking feeling, but alcohol and breasts, so let's keep going.

We go to second pub in my car, lots of arm touching, hair flipping, etc. We sit at the bar and the guy on the bar immediately hits on her when I head to the restroom. She and I proceed to pretend we're married and it's our fifth anniversary. We're having fun, joking, things are going well. She's had a few beers and likes whiskey, guess who has whiskey at their house which is only a few blocks away? That's right, this guy.

On the way there, she asks if I have condoms, so any doubt of what's going down is gone. We get there, as I show her around and we share a drink, I tell her it's too much house for me once my kids are gone, so I'm going to sell. She says that's too bad, maybe if you stay, you'll have a GF who moves in and helps you keep it (Friday lives in a rented townhome and her two kids share a room). Hmmmm.

Making out on couch and a 30 minute game of what should we do, Angsty? She unbuttons her jeans, what should we do Angsty? I say quietly and then with more force, you need to tell me what you want. I'm not deciding this for you. 30 minutes later, she says, let's go upstairs and find those condoms. Ok, we go.

A few minutes in, stop, stop, I can't do this. Ok, I stop, get completely dressed. Not her. She puts back on her bra and panties and grabs my arm to get me to sit on the bed where we just messed up the sheets to "talk". I say no, you have two choices now, I can take you back to your car or you can sleep on the couch and we can chat the next morning. I am not talking to her about why she wanted to stop having sex while she's in her underwear on my bed.

Another 30 minutes of hemming and hawing, including, I'm a woman and I can say no whenever I want to. My stomach drops, imagining a visit by the police the next day. I repeat her two choices and she proceeds to accuse me of being angry. I say I'm not angry, I'm disappointed we stopped and now I'm tired. I want to sleep or drive you, which one? I'm not going to decide this for you either. She finally puts on her shoes and we spend 20 minutes in my car and I hear about how I'm angry and not only that, I said I was angry. What?!!?

Get to her car, and 5 minutes of sitting there staring at me, accusing me of being angry, etc. Although she said a number of times I was very matter of fact about her two choices; doesn't sound very angry to me. Finally gets in her car, I stay until she starts and moves (it's below 0F last Friday), drive home feeling a lot of relief and very little disappointment.

Get home and call my best friend to establish a timeline, just in case.

Next morning, text to make sure she got home ok. She's embarassed that sex happened on first date because we didn't know each other that well. I agree. But, and here she goes into I'm angry and bent of shape and blah, blah, blah. She proceeds to text me this for 10 minutes non-stop, but important to me, she got home safe. She texts me later that day about something trivial, trying to reel me back in. I ignore.

A year ago, I would have been pissed that sex was on the table and it got taken away from me. I would have been resentful and withdrawn. Now, I felt annoyed at myself for playing along with the games to get laid, but when she said stop, my head was really clear. Two choices, Friday. I got you to my house, I will take care of you on the frigid night until I can get you back to your car. I didn't get angry, I didn't fall for her lingerie talk on my bed and I didn't hold out hope and dance to her tune, hoping she'd change her mind and get naked again. You're done, good, I'm done too. Now let's get you back to your car.

So, that's the story. Please dissect, offer rude jabs and, most importantly, learn what is out there from my night in crazytown with Friday.

One other thing I learned from this in spades: even if I can get sex early on (first date even), it's just not worth it. I'm not against a ONS for others, or even me again someday, but introducing sex soon just causes more problems than it's worth. Porn, FWB or ONS work better.


----------



## angstire

ne9907 said:


> I would not date a guy who is also dating other women besides me. I will not compete for a man's affection. If he wants to date other women, then go ahead, date. But I will certainly not wait around.


So, at what point would he be _dating_ you? After first date?

I don't see mutiple dating as making anyone compete for affection. It's just getting to know more than one person at the same time.

Not that you said this, but dating one person exclusively after a single date sounds like the road to oneitis. And that, is the road to ruin.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> He took me to Thanksgiving at his parents house. He took me to the Xmas party for his car club. He spent his birthday with me ( I took him out).


That is very huge for a relationship, right?
I mean, men don't just take anyone to meet their parents??

Am I wrong?

Damn, yeah, I feel you X. So many confusing signals. Are you sure he is dating other people??

If I was in your shoes, I would end it. Simple. Painless. Before it got too be too much.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> We met on Match. I broke a date with her three weeks ago because she lives in the burbs (I live in the city), doesn't have a completed degree (I do), I suspsected she was a SAHM on alimony (I like a woman with a white collar career like me) and things were going well for me with another girl named K (who has since cut me loose). So I thought, Friday is cute, let's try again. She's all over rescheduling the first date.


In this first paragraph, she broke a dealbreaker for me. lol. Gosh, I knew there was a reason for my rules. 

And, any woman that mentions condoms and crap on the first date off of match, run for the hills.


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> *That is very huge for a relationship, right?
> I mean, men don't just take anyone to meet their parents??*
> 
> Am I wrong?
> 
> Damn, yeah, I feel you X. So many confusing signals. Are you sure he is dating other people??
> 
> If I was in your shoes, I would end it. Simple. Painless. Before it got too be too much.


They do if they have boundary issues....


----------



## ne9907

angstire said:


> So, at what point would he be _dating_ you? After first date?
> 
> I don't see mutiple dating as making anyone compete for affection. It's just getting to know more than one person at the same time.
> 
> Not that you said this, but dating one person exclusively after a single date sounds like the road to oneitis. And that, is the road to ruin.


I see that I will have trouble in the dating world. As to dating, I would say more than 3 dates. But we shall see when the time arrives. Personally, if I go out on a date with someone and I do not feel a "click" I will not go out with him again. 
This has got me thinking. 
We shall see when the time comes.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> You are getting "trolled".


Can you elaborate for me?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Can you elaborate for me?


Yes. 

He likes you, but you are the backburner until something else comes along. You are his safety blanket, and he will continue to use you until you lay down the law. Even then, he will always have his radar on.


WALK AWAY.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> I see that I will have trouble in the dating world. As to dating, I would say more than 3 dates. But we shall see when the time arrives. Personally, if I go out on a date with someone and I do not feel a "click" I will not go out with him again.
> This has got me thinking.
> We shall see when the time comes.


A "click"??? There are much more important things than instant fireworks. I didn't have them completely with my gf. I thought she was funny and very sweet. Actually, I thought her butt was amazing, but I wasn't that into her. It was only when I started to spend time with her in a social setting around others that I really began to see her value, and she continues to get more and more attractive to me every day. Just recently, I began to get some butterflies in my stomach when I am about to see her. Pretty cool. AND, that has been 11 months in the making.


----------



## ne9907

angstire said:


> This is a hot mess of a tale about a girl named Friday that I went on one date with.
> 
> We met on Match. I broke a date with her three weeks ago because she lives in the burbs (I live in the city), doesn't have a completed degree (I do), I suspsected she was a SAHM on alimony (I like a woman with a white collar career like me) and things were going well for me with another girl named K (who has since cut me loose). So I thought, Friday is cute, let's try again. She's all over rescheduling the first date.
> 
> We meet at a pub for pints and hit it off. We like similar music, have good discussions on religion, parenting, etc. I start to notice, using my TAM spidey-sense, this feels like mirroring. She's engaging, she's really cute for 38 (looks 29-30), but I just started to feel she might be crazy. I rationalize that we can still have a good date and maybe I'll find out about the crazy later on a second date, but for now, this is fun. Her last two boyfriends broke up with her. Hmm, interesting. Her bra and breasts are spilling out of her tank top. Hmmm, very interesting. Hates her mom, idolizes her alcoholic father who died. Hmmm, interesting. Sinking feeling, but alcohol and breasts, so let's keep going.
> 
> We go to second pub in my car, lots of arm touching, hair flipping, etc. We sit at the bar and the guy on the bar immediately hits on her when I head to the restroom. She and I proceed to pretend we're married and it's our fifth anniversary. We're having fun, joking, things are going well. She's had a few beers and likes whiskey, guess who has whiskey at their house which is only a few blocks away? That's right, this guy.
> 
> On the way there, she asks if I have condoms, so any doubt of what's going down is gone. We get there, as I show her around and we share a drink, I tell her it's too much house for me once my kids are gone, so I'm going to sell. She says that's too bad, maybe if you stay, you'll have a GF who moves in and helps you keep it (Friday lives in a rented townhome and her two kids share a room). Hmmmm.
> 
> Making out on couch and a 30 minute game of what should we do, Angsty? She unbuttons her jeans, what should we do Angsty? I say quietly and then with more force, you need to tell me what you want. I'm not deciding this for you. 30 minutes later, she says, let's go upstairs and find those condoms. Ok, we go.
> 
> A few minutes in, stop, stop, I can't do this. Ok, I stop, get completely dressed. Not her. She puts back on her bra and panties and grabs my arm to get me to sit on the bed where we just messed up the sheets to "talk". I say no, you have two choices now, I can take you back to your car or you can sleep on the couch and we can chat the next morning. I am not talking to her about why she wanted to stop having sex while she's in her underwear on my bed.
> 
> Another 30 minutes of hemming and hawing, including, I'm a woman and I can say no whenever I want to. My stomach drops, imagining a visit by the police the next day. I repeat her two choices and she proceeds to accuse me of being angry. I say I'm not angry, I'm disappointed we stopped and now I'm tired. I want to sleep or drive you, which one? I'm not going to decide this for you either. She finally puts on her shoes and we spend 20 minutes in my car and I hear about how I'm angry and not only that, I said I was angry. What?!!?
> 
> Get to her car, and 5 minutes of sitting there staring at me, accusing me of being angry, etc. Although she said a number of times I was very matter of fact about her two choices; doesn't sound very angry to me. Finally gets in her car, I stay until she starts and moves (it's below 0F last Friday), drive home feeling a lot of relief and very little disappointment.
> 
> Get home and call my best friend to establish a timeline, just in case.
> 
> Next morning, text to make sure she got home ok. She's embarassed that sex happened on first date because we didn't know each other that well. I agree. But, and here she goes into I'm angry and bent of shape and blah, blah, blah. She proceeds to text me this for 10 minutes non-stop, but important to me, she got home safe. She texts me later that day about something trivial, trying to reel me back in. I ignore.
> 
> A year ago, I would have been pissed that sex was on the table and it got taken away from me. I would have been resentful and withdrawn. Now, I felt annoyed at myself for playing along with the games to get laid, but when she said stop, my head was really clear. Two choices, Friday. I got you to my house, I will take care of you on the frigid night until I can get you back to your car. I didn't get angry, I didn't fall for her lingerie talk on my bed and I didn't hold out hope and dance to her tune, hoping she'd change her mind and get naked again. You're done, good, I'm done too. Now let's get you back to your car.
> 
> So, that's the story. Please dissect, offer rude jabs and, most importantly, learn what is out there from my night in crazytown with Friday.
> 
> One other thing I learned from this in spades: even if I can get sex early on (first date even), it's just not worth it. I'm not against a ONS for others, or even me again someday, but introducing sex soon just causes more problems than it's worth. Porn, FWB or ONS work better.


wow.. that is sort of scary.
Was she trying to use sex as a method to manipulating you? Otherwise why accuse you of being angry when you told her the rules?
She sort of sounds high maintenance, "look at me, pay attention to me, tell me what I want to hear and I will do you"

Expect another text or call apologizing for how she acted, and saying she has never done that before. She may even say that you are just irresistible and she felt a connection.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> A "click"??? There are much more important things than instant fireworks. I didn't have them completely with my gf. I thought she was funny and very sweet. Actually, I thought her butt was amazing, but I wasn't that into her. It was only when I started to spend time with her in a social setting around others that I really began to see her value, and she continues to get more and more attractive to me every day. Just recently, I began to get some butterflies in my stomach when I am about to see her. Pretty cool.


I dont think a "click" is instant fireworks, at least it isnt for me. I am the same as ne, I know right when I meet someone if I feel that click , that click tells me whether they get a second date or not. I cant even explain what it feels like, I just know it when its there or not! lol! Now instant fireworks, thats different, and usually will only lead you into trouble!


----------



## angstire

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont think a "click" is instant fireworks, at least it isnt for me. I am the same as ne, I know right when I meet someone if I feel that click , that click tells me whether they get a second date or not. I cant even explain what it feels like, I just know it when its there or not! lol! Now instant fireworks, thats different, and usually will only lead you into trouble!


Agreed and agreed. 

Clicks on first dates are good, but not instant fireworks.

Instant fireworks=spells trouble


----------



## angstire

ne9907 said:


> wow.. that is sort of scary.
> Was she trying to use sex as a method to manipulating you? Otherwise why accuse you of being angry when you told her the rules?
> She sort of sounds high maintenance, "look at me, pay attention to me, tell me what I want to hear and I will do you"
> 
> Expect another text or call apologizing for how she acted, and saying she has never done that before. She may even say that you are just irresistible and she felt a connection.


Yes, definitely using sex as a weapon. Who stops sex and then wants to sit on the bed in their underwear to talk about it? Crazytown does that.


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> Yes, definitely using sex as a weapon. Who stops sex and then wants to sit on the bed in their underwear to talk about it? Crazytown does that.


Better yet, who mentions condoms on the walk back to the apt and then stops the sex they initiated...?

Crazyville...its about 10x the size of Crazytown


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> Better yet, who mentions condoms on the walk back to the apt and then stops the sex they initiated...?
> 
> Crazyville...its about 10x the size of Crazytown


precisely!

Crazytropolis?


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> precisely!
> 
> Crazytropolis?


I think thats where RGs ex lives! :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

boom... and like that killer is back on the table... i made him smile today despite some personal cr&p going on... so he wants to take me dinner and a movie tonight.. so slow hat cant get over a cold to hang out but killer can have real serious stuff but take me out..

im getting laid tonight 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> boom... and like that killer is back on the table... i made him smile today despite some personal cr&p going on... so he wants to take me dinner and a movie tonight.. so slow hat cant get over a cold to hang out but killer can have real serious stuff but take me out..
> 
> im getting laid tonight
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seems like killer hat is way more emotionally available than slow hat!


----------



## Another Planet

I missed alot jeez

I see there was a question about dating multiple women. You definitely can't build a healthy relationship when you are doing that. And if you do more then just date here and there like going to Thanksgiving like someone said that is relationship time and you need to be exclusive.


----------



## whitehawk

No really , l'm just having fun with the [email protected] stuff though l am definitely an [email protected] man but it's very hard to get things across in emails no matter how many little faces and crap you put with it but there was much more. l loved what she was wearing, her cute moosh , her height, hair. Everything about her.

But it also got me thinking and the faith is slowly being restored l've noticed .
6 mths ago l've thought , my God with what's out there , l'm screwed.
But , this is the 3rd girl amongst it all, where l see l'm not screwed and hey l could find someone l like after all, maybe even restart , fall in love , get a new life .

Do you have a thing with the opposite sex , it;s just a thing. You just know what you like , you click in every way with just something.
Well that looked well and truly screwed at first , screwed . But, they are still out there after all and this is the thing.

lt doesn't matter to me if l see someone again or not right now or if anything even came of it if l did . The point that picks me up is that l've actually seen someone , l'm not screwed after all.

So when l'm sorted , and if my marriage is a goner , then l know now , there could be someone else that's the thing.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> boom... and like that killer is back on the table... i made him smile today despite some personal cr&p going on... so he wants to take me dinner and a movie tonight.. so slow hat cant get over a cold to hang out but killer can have real serious stuff but take me out..


I don't know about anybody else, but...

If I'm feeling down in the dumps, going out on a date with a beautiful woman will generally cheer me up. Not to mention that a good dose of physical intimacy is a wonderful, albeit temporary, distraction from life's problems, no matter how serious the matter. Of course I'll go!

If I'm sick with something like a cold, however, going out on a date with a beautiful woman won't make me feel any better. Nothing interesting is going to happen on the date if I'm sniffling and sneezing and coughing, and I'd run the risk of infecting my date with whatever illness I've got. Of course I don't want to go.

...or is that just me?


----------



## angelpixie

No, it's not just you. Granted, unsure said he was whiny, but if he was really sick, I'd be kinda glad he cancelled. I'd be WAAAAY pissed if he got me (and then maybe my kid) sick right before Christmas. Not the best kind of gift, iykwim. 

Keep an open mind, Unsure, but don't tie yourself to either guy right now. They both seem to have major issues. Do you really want to take that on again?


----------



## angstire

2galsmom said:


> I am confused - did you two have sex or not?
> 
> She is just messed up. End if story. I don't think she waste young to control anyone, just doesn't know what she wants or how to go about life and had no self esteem.


Started to, then she stopped it.


----------



## angstire

2galsmom said:


> Who sits on a bed and refuses sex still in their underwear? She put it on didn/t she? She wasn't naked.


She was naked and then put her underwear on only to discuss why she didn't want to have sex. On the bed we were just having sex on. Crazyville.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> I don't know about anybody else, but...
> 
> If I'm feeling down in the dumps, going out on a date with a beautiful woman will generally cheer me up. Not to mention that a good dose of physical intimacy is a wonderful, albeit temporary, distraction from life's problems, no matter how serious the matter. Of course I'll go!


But I should clarify, when I'm feeling down in the dumps, going out with a beautiful woman doesn't really do much for me.


----------



## angstire

whitehawk said:


> So when l'm sorted , and if my marriage is a goner , then l know now , there could be someone else that's the thing.


WH, why don't you know if your marriage is a goner yet? What do you want? Are you working towards that? Is she?

What are you waiting for? Decide what you want and make it happen.


----------



## angstire

angelpixie said:


> But I should clarify, when I'm feeling down in the dumps, going out with a beautiful woman doesn't really do much for me.


:rofl:


----------



## angstire

2galsmom said:


> Ok. Or she just got turned off. It happens. Again you had sex? It is hard to tell, she rejected the second attempt?


There was no second attempt. She said stop, we did and I let her choose to go back to her car or sleep on the couch. Once she said stop on top of all her other games, I was not interested in anything except some sleep.


----------



## Lon

Whitehawk, you are allowed to say ass on here without munging it to not get ***'d. And ftr I am one too, in fact I'm just about on my way to get a nice handful and eyeful right now, have a great Friday night everyone!


----------



## badcompany

badcompany said:


> Date time in 2 hours.....nervous lol


Well I did ok. She only had a sitter until 8pm but it was still 2 hours of good conversation, we had a ton in common even our food likes lol. I sent her a text later that night and we are planning round 2 so we'll see what happens. :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

badcompany said:


> Well I did ok. She only had a sitter until 8pm but it was still 2 hours of good conversation, we had a ton in common even our food likes lol. I sent her a text later that night and we are planning round 2 so we'll see what happens. :smthumbup:


Awesome


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

What's going on here in Singles land? Anything interesting? 

My semester ends in a few days. Then I won't have the distraction/excuse/past-time/pass-time of classes and homework as my trusted and worthy companion.

Edited to add: I will have to confront singledom until next term starts - and that will be my last. Then what?


----------



## Nsweet

angstire said:


> She was naked and then put her underwear on only to discuss why she didn't want to have sex. On the bed we were just having sex on. Crazyville.


When something like this happens just agree. You can't argue with her and get your way, so do it from hers. Always be very agreeable, and don't make a big deal out of it if she suddenly reject you. 

A lot of women have some sort of sexual hangups that may not even make sense at the time. Here this one could be that she may have been ok with having sex once but felt cheap or easy if she gave herself to you a second time. But that's only a speculation and you may never know. 

The thing to remember is that things like this can be seen as little tests, and the only way you can pass is by not fighting her over what she wants not being what you want. Appreciate the positive interactions you did get and don't worry if she rejects you, just go with it. That is how the 180 works in dating.


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> What's going on here in Singles land? Anything interesting?
> 
> My semester ends in a few days. Then I won't have the distraction/excuse/past-time/pass-time of classes and homework as my trusted and worthy companion.
> 
> Edited to add: *I will have to confront singledom until next term starts - and that will be my last. Then what?*


Hmmm... Casual Fridays at work followed by then casual dating and casual sex?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet said:


> Hmmm... Casual Fridays at work followed by then casual dating and casual sex?


Well, I will be telecommuting for the most part, and also hopefully working for the married male psychiatrists that I'm collaborating with right now for my research (they're helping me with my manuscript, and my next project.) No hanky panky at my work, I like it too much. 

I think I have done all that in my youth, the whole casual thing. It was fun, I had quite the life if memory serves me correctly. Always going out socially and traveling around, fun at work and much less money worries young people seem to have now, a couple decades later. I even had a fast car and some desert roads to drive it across. Vegas in a hot dress - actually saw men stop and stare at me (was with boyfriend.) lol. I think I don't go out now because it would be difficult to re-live any of that. I'm back to how I was in grade school and high school. Can't really imagine being a social butterfly again.


----------



## ne9907

> Can't really imagine being a social butterfly again.


:iagree:

As a matter of fact, after watching "Man of Steel", I have set up my standards (for dating) at the Clark Kent mark.
Must be that good looking. But I prefer the men not having a savior complex.


----------



## Nsweet

You'll get there Homemaker. You may need a year off from dating just to recover and focus on your job, then slowly start back up on your time, but you'll get there.

The thing that really helps those who have been through heartbreak and betrayal and divorce is to not force yourself to start dating and having sex if you're not ready yet. You need time to love yourself and start over on your time.


----------



## angelpixie

ne9907 said:


> But I prefer the men not having a savior complex.


:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

I love Train, 
my favorite is "Drops of Jupiter"
I actually saw them in concert back in 2000 or 2001


----------



## vi_bride04

Average age here seems to be about 50..... but I'm having fun and that's all that matters


----------



## Nsweet

Why would you ladies want a superhero? They're always kissing big boobed women and evil villainesses, and then lying about pretty much everything they've ever done while "saving the world".


----------



## Another Planet

Sure are a lot of singles here for a Friday night!

I feel like I have turned into Howard Hughes some days.....if I don't have my kids I won't leave the house but to get more beer and milk. I will just lock my door and turn off all my lights and hide in my basement(office) for days at a time. And if I have to work it is usually in the middle of the night so I don't interact with anyone then either. I rarely answer my phone but texts or business calls and even then it's only if it is going to make me money...


----------



## tracyishere

I thought married folks had so many rules.... Maybe I should just keep my shackles and walk on by.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Why would you ladies want a superhero? They're always kissing big boobed women and evil villainesses, and then lying about pretty much everything they've ever done while "saving the world".


:lol:
my reasoning behind is that superheroes do not exist, thus my perfect next mate does not exist. Viola!! 
By setting my standards way high, nobody can reach them. Yes, I will probably end up alone but maybe that is my point!


----------



## tracyishere




----------



## tracyishere

2galsmom said:


> No way ne, hold out for someone good looking!
> 
> Welcome Tracy, care for a martini?



I don't drink very often. Are you sure you want me to have one?


----------



## tracyishere

Oh. No funny stuff then. Gotcha! 

Oh boy, I must have some good reputation on TAM in order to get forewarned  

-------> married woman I am <-------


----------



## Another Planet

2galsmom said:


> No, just being hospitable. Drink whatever you want. Watch out, one of the singles started a thread that he and married women keep crossing paths, you may want to keep your wits about you in this thread.


Are you talking about me? lol that would be funny


----------



## ne9907

I could go for any kind of fruity drink but since I don't have anything, I will have a beer!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :lol:
> my reasoning behind is that superheroes do not exist, thus my perfect next mate does not exist. Viola!!
> By setting my standards way high, nobody can reach them. Yes, I will probably end up alone but maybe that is my point!


Actually, by raising the bar to a higher level you're more likely to compromise and end up with a better man than before. It's complicate to explain but this is the reason you get what you want if you aim high and don't settle for the first man that attracts you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Bah! Inappropriate touching on the dance floor..ugh...


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Bah! Inappropriate touching on the dance floor..ugh...


What's the guy girl ratio like, and what time is it? 

After about 10:30 to 11PM almost every woman in a bar or club has been hit on or creeped on at least once, usually by the same group of guys. And then men start out numbering women as most of the women drink, dance, and go home before 1AM. 

This is why it's important to leave a bar or club at the climax as soon as you have your fun and before the atmosphere changes... When everybody's drunk and all the good people go home.


----------



## tracyishere

I always heard never to marry a man you met in the bar. Oops.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'd say close to 50/50. A lot of older people (45+) and lots of ballroom type dancing vs club like singular dancing. Way different then I am used to. Most guys have been pretty boundary respective while dancing but I accepted a dance from one guy and he kept pulling me in closer and trying to kiss me...nope sorry, not there yet see ya lol.


----------



## ne9907

But that is not fun Nsweet.
Fun is the party after the bar, or going to grab breakfast at Denny's after the bar closes!
Good times!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> What's the guy girl ratio like, and what time is it?
> 
> After about 10:30 to 11PM almost every woman in a bar or club has been hit on or creeped on at least once, usually by the same group of guys. And then men start out numbering women as most of the women drink, dance, and go home before 1AM.
> 
> This is why it's important to leave a bar or club at the climax as soon as you have your fun and before the atmosphere changes... When everybody's drunk and all the good people go home.


How do you know all this stuff? Is there a bible full of this stuff I don't know about?


----------



## ne9907

tracyishere said:


> I always heard never to marry a man you met in the bar. Oops.


A few years ago I would have strongly disagreed with you, but as it happens, you are probably right...


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'd say close to 50/50. A lot of older people (45+) and lots of ballroom type dancing vs club like singular dancing. Way different then I am used to. Most guys have been pretty boundary respective while dancing but I accepted a dance from one guy and he kept pulling me in closer and trying to kiss me...nope sorry, not there yet see ya lol.


So... first pancake? Something you have to do over to get right. Dance with other men and write of creepy kisser as a warm up and not the mood killer for the night.


----------



## Nsweet

tracyishere said:


> I always heard never to marry a man you met in the bar. Oops.


I don't think that rule applies to the designated drivers.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I don't think that rule applies to the designated drivers.


Haha! This takes me back....
SO this is why I will NOT date several men at the same time
The story is, I was casually dating this really awesome guy (who was always the designated driver). It was Halloween night, and I went out on a date with another guy. Well, I did not know DD guy would be at the same bar I was at.... the look in his eyes when he came over to say hi and I told him I was on a date was pretty haunting...

I still remember that look! So that is why I will only date one man at the time and I expect the same in return!


----------



## tracyishere

I never found more than one man I'd date :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

tracyishere said:


> I never found more than one man I'd date :rofl:


I was 20 years old and hot as summer afternoon in Oklahoma!! haha


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> But that is not fun Nsweet.
> Fun is the party after the bar, or going to grab breakfast at Denny's after the bar closes!
> Good times!


It's not a hard rule written in stone. If you find someone there you connect with and want to stay you can, but for the most part you want to get out of a bar or club when you've had your fun before the excitement high wears off, long before closing time and light on.



Another Planet said:


> *How do you know all this stuff?* Is there a bible full of this stuff I don't know about?


I'm smart. I notice patterns and write algorithms in my head for things like social interactions, and repeated phrases and actions from people. It comes with the condition. People are surprisingly predictable given a certain amount of time. And the notes I've taken I've hardly had to change a thing on, because the experiment resulted in the exact same results. 

There are some decent books, but you'll have a hard time finding one that doesn't try to sell you on how to manipulate women with stupid "top secret" tips and tricks. Or one that makes women sound like some game playing alien species you'll never figure out.


----------



## tracyishere

Maybe this town is full of weirdos. I don't know. I should fit in if that were the case though :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

tracyishere said:


> Maybe this town is full of weirdos. I don't know. I should fit in if that were the case though :scratchhead:


Canada right? 
I think TV gives me the wrong impression of Canada, I imagine all of you very polite and well mannered.


----------



## tracyishere

You mean I'm not


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So... first pancake? Something you have to do over to get right. Dance with other men and write of creepy kisser as a warm up and not the mood killer for the night.


I did and am...just sucks not really any in my age demographic...I'm definitely one of the youngest ones here....


----------



## ne9907

tracyishere said:


> You mean I'm not


You are very nice! But I do not think Canada would have any weirdos lol


----------



## tracyishere

We are perfect. I agree.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



2galsmom said:


> Don't worry about age or finding vi_groom2013 and try and just relax and have a good time, be yourself.


Lol I'm the farthest away from wanting to find the next groom. I.barely want to talk to the OS. This suites me fine...no pressure. I'm just coming out of a very apathetic state so just getting out of my house is a positive thing. I'm having fun  met some really cool older women to chat with and the guys aren't too creepy

Ooooh and I am being myself....one thing I have been consistent with since leaving my ex


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> The first thing I noticed about my gf was her butt. She crossfits and does really well on squats. It's unreal. Flat out, unreal.



Ooo you are a cruel man , cruel l tell ya .
l hope she gets fat :rofl::rofl::rofl:
Nah , just kidden , you lucky theng uou.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Awhile ago I was planning a nice meal for my gf, needed some weird kinda spice, as I was looking this gorgeous lady asked me to reach one down from the top shelf (and the supermarket employee was right there, so I got the hint). I looked up and realized I might also be too short so I joked that I might need her to give me a boost, she seemed unimpressed so I said I wouldn't mind giving her a boost. She laughed and we gave each other wicked smiles, I stretched up as far as I could and caught her scanning me up and down in full plain view (i the n realized I should have dared her to try reaching it herself). We got to talking and turns out she was planning a meal for her bf. Was a fun moment, but I didn't take it any further than that... Why do these rare opportunities only present themself at times when pursuing is not an option?




Exactly they do too. When l was married there were any number of girls on offer practically any time anywhere. Now l'm lucky to find one.


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> I'm sorry, I don't understand. She's the age of consent, yes?


Oh yeah , by a mile . l just don't need complications right now.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the guys here...
> 
> Is it really possible for you to be building a foundation for a real relationship with one woman while you are dating around with other women? :scratchhead:


Not for me , no way , why bother .


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I see that I will have trouble in the dating world. As to dating, I would say more than 3 dates. But we shall see when the time arrives. Personally, if I go out on a date with someone and I do not feel a "click" I will not go out with him again.
> This has got me thinking.
> We shall see when the time comes.



No way ne , you'll be just hunky dorry, don't worry about a thing. 
You do , you know in a second how you feel with someone , well l do anyway and l've never liked wasting time on bs either .
You just go with whatever suits you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Just got a text...a fwb I had for a short time took his life.  was a mass text sent out...whoa....crazy **** man.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Just got a text...a fwb I had for a short time took his life.  was a mass text sent out...whoa....crazy **** man.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Just got a text...a fwb I had for a short time took his life.  was a mass text sent out...whoa....crazy **** man.


Wow, Vi, so sorry!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, Vi, so sorry!


Just feel weird...I ended it b/c of red flags. This proves my inner self was right. Proud I listened. It was extremely short term. Sad for his family/friends at the same time. All the while having a good time tonight....

Life is short....love those closest to you and never give up hope...


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> No, it's not just you. Granted, unsure said he was whiny, but if he was really sick, I'd be kinda glad he cancelled. I'd be WAAAAY pissed if he got me (and then maybe my kid) sick right before Christmas. Not the best kind of gift, iykwim.
> 
> Keep an open mind, Unsure, but don't tie yourself to either guy right now. They both seem to have major issues. Do you really want to take that on again?


oh im not tying down to one, the thing is i dont even believe slow hat is sick...three stikes hes out, i gave him more leeway than any other guy i dated. what i didnt post about was the night before where he obviously didnt want to put any effort at all into the date when we were talking about it...

i still say at this point killer is all in fun for me....i take him cautiously, but i enjoy him... he would have to prove a lot to me to really become more..... but oooo he is fantastic in bed.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

sorry VI 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> Just got a text...a fwb I had for a short time took his life.  was a mass text sent out...whoa....crazy **** man.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Just got a text...a fwb I had for a short time took his life.  was a mass text sent out...whoa....crazy **** man.



I am so sorry


----------



## vi_bride04

Anyone have any plans today and who is being affected by the snow storm? 

I want to take myself out to breakfast and buy some snow boots but not sure if the roads are crap...is it worth the risk?? Ahhh I'm so indecisive today.....hate it


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> Sure are a lot of singles here for a Friday night!
> 
> I feel like I have turned into Howard Hughes some days.....if I don't have my kids I won't leave the house but to get more beer and milk. I will just lock my door and turn off all my lights and hide in my basement(office) for days at a time. And if I have to work it is usually in the middle of the night so I don't interact with anyone then either. I rarely answer my phone but texts or business calls and even then it's only if it is going to make me money...


I thought it was just me. I leave to go to classes and necessary meetings and errands. I went to a play a couple weeks ago to watch my classmates. But mostly I buy beer in variety cases of 12 and keep powdered milk and coffee beans in bulk. Netflix is my friend.

Weird thing though, today I went to the laundromat to do "big wash" (bedding) and to the dump and quite a few men smiling at me and saying hey. I think it's the effect of staying home watching movies and drinking beer, maybe it's true people can recognize their own tribe members easily, and like attracts like? 

Or maybe it was the polar fleece leggings...

I told my daughter she can't quit cheerleaders because I like watching the middle school basketball games. :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Anyone have any plans today and who is being affected by the snow storm?
> 
> I want to take myself out to breakfast and buy some snow boots but not sure if the roads are crap...is it worth the risk?? Ahhh I'm so indecisive today.....hate it


For some boots? Are you kidding!? Maybe if they were expensive designer boots for 90% off and the store was closing in an hour. Maybe then, but not when you just kinda want them but don't really need them. And they would have to be some really sexy boots too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> Just feel weird...I ended it b/c of red flags. This proves my inner self was right. Proud I listened. It was extremely short term. Sad for his family/friends at the same time. All the while having a good time tonight....
> 
> Life is short....love those closest to you and never give up hope...


Sorry was reading posts in thread backwards and didn't see this before posting about beer, etc.

So sorry, you were right to listen to your gut. You can't help people by enabling them. And often bystanders become victims as well. You have to keep your own head above water, at the least. But it's still very very sad.


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Anyone have any plans today and who is being affected by the snow storm?


Here in Chicago, it's a mild mess... We've got about 3 inches of snow, and it's mostly cleared away already. Drive carefully and it's no big deal.

I'm planning on heading out to do some thrift shopping for Christmas decorations in just a little bit... The kids want me to put a tree up, and I don't have any ornaments or lights.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> For some boots? Are you kidding!? Maybe if they were expensive designer boots for 90% off and the store was closing in an hour. Maybe then, but not when you just kinda want them but don't really need them. And they would have to be some really sexy boots too.


I will need them to shovel snow after its all said and done..there is maybe 2-3" on the ground now...not extreme winter weather by any means...lol


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I will need them to shovel snow after its all said and done..there is maybe 2-3" on the ground now...not extreme winter weather by any means...lol


Do you need, absolutely NEED snow boots right now? Isn't 2-3" of snow kinda light to be buying special boots to shovel snow in? I did it in sneakers in Maine when there was 6-8". Freakin slid everywhere, it made the job go faster. Maine sucks btw, don't ever go there unless you like white people, whiter houses, and non stop miserable white winters.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Anyone have any plans today and who is being affected by the snow storm?
> 
> I want to take myself out to breakfast and buy some snow boots but not sure if the roads are crap...is it worth the risk?? Ahhh I'm so indecisive today.....hate it


You should definitely go, just drive very carefully, and have an emergency kit in your car.

Hmmm, Am I the only one who carries extra blankets, food, water, flashlight, and a gun in their car's trunks?
That is my emergency kit 

Go out, get your mind away from that text. Say a prayer for that poor soul, and move on!!
Buy me a pretty (I am kidding)


----------



## Nsweet

I was also thinking you could place one well written Craig's List ad and get some very motivated horny guy to shovel your whole walk way in a few hours. "Shovel my snow and I'll show you my feet" :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm staying away from CL!

Thanks ne, I'll be safe...looks like the salt trucks are out and aboot. If they weren't I wouldn't try. Where I used to live they didn't get them on the roads till the storm was over. 

Mindless shopping cures everything


----------



## Nsweet

Shopping is a great distraction. It can be hard on the wallet if you're compulsive, but if you take your time it's a lot more fun and rewarding. I admit it, I love to shop for hours. I mean I go to one store and I don't buy a thing until I've seen everything and know what I want now and what I really want later. Have you ever been to Fry's electronic super store? OMG that place is amazing!


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Shopping is a great distraction. It can be hard on the wallet if you're compulsive, but if you take your time it's a lot more fun and rewarding. I admit it, I love to shop for hours. I mean I go to one store and I don't buy a thing until I've seen everything and know what I want now and what I really want later. Have you ever been to Fry's electronic super store? OMG that place is amazing!


I like to go thrift shopping... Easy on the pocket book, and it takes time and attention to sift through and find the treasures.

A great distraction.


----------



## tracyishere

I don t go shopping. I go to my bff's house and she gives me everything I need  

She has to or I wouldn't be her friend.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> I like to go thrift shopping... Easy on the pocket book, and it takes time and attention to sift through and find the treasures.
> 
> A great distraction.


That's what my gay friends did, and my god they got some cool stuff. They used to get all this weird furniture and lamps and stuff, and then they would fix it up and just make their place look even more.... I guess "gayer" would be the word. Not in a bad way though, they're place was awesome and colorful and like a chick-magnet penthouse for dudes.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> I like to go thrift shopping... Easy on the pocket book, and it takes time and attention to sift through and find the treasures.
> 
> A great distraction.


Ooooo this is a great idea...!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm so bored. And I have to write my papers. Finished one about poetry. Need to re-watch a movie (sort of) and write another paper. Then finish a long article that will get even longer when I delve into all the interviews and site visits I did for research. 

Finals, phhhhht. There's a big snowstorm on the way for tonight and tomorrow - expecting a foot. But really, I'd like it to be just Netflix and beer. 

My daughter is bored, I'm going to owe her big time. Son went on a sleepover and skiing with a friend but it's -9C and warmest part of the day? No thanks! 

Must go make dough for homemade pizza tonight and vegan chocolate cupcakes so we can lick the bowl. Then back to the grind. 

Monday this will all be a distant memory.
At least if I had a guy friend he could cheer me along. 
Anyone want to cheer? I normally enjoy my school work and am okay once I get into the writing but maybe should ask my daughter to get out her pom poms from cheerleading this morning and make up some encouraging shouts for her old mom.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm so bored. And I have to write my papers. Finished one about poetry. Need to re-watch a movie (sort of) and write another paper. Then finish a long article that will get even longer when I delve into all the interviews and site visits I did for research.
> 
> Finals, phhhhht. There's a big snowstorm on the way for tonight and tomorrow - expecting a foot. But really, I'd like it to be just Netflix and beer.
> 
> My daughter is bored, I'm going to owe her big time. Son went on a sleepover and skiing with a friend but it's -9C and warmest part of the day? No thanks!
> 
> Must go make dough for homemade pizza tonight and vegan chocolate cupcakes so we can lick the bowl. Then back to the grind.
> 
> Monday this will all be a distant memory.
> At least if I had a guy friend he could cheer me along.
> Anyone want to cheer? I normally enjoy my school work and am okay once I get into the writing but maybe should ask my daughter to get out her pom poms from cheerleading this morning and make up some encouraging shouts for her old mom.


oh 
I like schoolwork, a lot!!

What poem did you write about?


----------



## unsure78

shoveling snow sucks... that is all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Ugh I just got back in from a 13hr shift and I have to do it all over again tomorrow early in the morning. A hot tub and a sweet woman would make me feel all the world better...that's one thing I really miss, coming home to someone after getting your ass kicked at work.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Ugh I just got back in from a 13hr shift and I have to do it all over again tomorrow early in the morning. A hot tub and a sweet woman would make me feel all the world better...that's one thing I really miss, coming home to someone after getting your ass kicked at work.


I miss sex.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> That's what my gay friends did, and my god they got some cool stuff. They used to get all this weird furniture and lamps and stuff, and then they would fix it up and just make their place look even more.... I guess "gayer" would be the word. Not in a bad way though, they're place was awesome and colorful and like a chick-magnet penthouse for dudes.


Seriously? Gay? Are you sure they're not just telling you that, so that you don't realize how many of those chicks they're actually getting? Gay guys are not the only guys with style. Even Chinless, when not under the spell of the Trampire, had very good taste in clothing, furniture, etc.

And maybe it's because I was born during one of those 'lake effect' snowstorms in NW Indiana, but I adore snow. Nothing like a fresh blanket of snow to make the world look beautiful again. :smthumbup: Unfortunately, it's already in the 30s here, so our few inches of snow from last week are already melting.  

DS' friend is over, and the three of us are getting ready to hang the Christmas lights on the outside of my house.


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> WH, why don't you know if your marriage is a goner yet? What do you want? Are you working towards that? Is she?
> 
> What are you waiting for? Decide what you want and make it happen.


l don't really know what l want in the new women regard , window shopping is all l feel like right now . lf someone new , right, did turn up though l'll decide then but l'm not chasing it.

As far as x goes though things have been turning lately , strange things are happening. If we decide to R l think l would .
So l drive two roads right now , ones my main road that's the hwy , that's for me , my future , the other is the old road that's being repaired.

l'm cool with this for now , there's many options for me so l choose when l choose, l'll know


----------



## angelpixie

And, Vi, my sympathies over the loss of your friend.  You knew he was troubled, and made a wise choice to take care of yourself. Hopefully, he's at peace now.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Seriously? Gay? Are you sure they're not just telling you that, so that you don't realize how many of those chicks they're actually getting? Gay guys are not the only guys with style. Even Chinless, when not under the spell of the Trampire, had very good taste in clothing, furniture, etc.
> 
> And maybe it's because I was born during one of those 'lake effect' snowstorms in NW Indiana, but I adore snow. Nothing like a fresh blanket of snow to make the world look beautiful again. :smthumbup: Unfortunately, it's already in the 30s here, so our few inches of snow from last week are already melting.
> 
> DS' friend is over, and the three of us are getting ready to hang the Christmas lights on the outside of my house.


From island boy, pics of snow. Please.


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> Started to, then she stopped it.



Very very simple Angs. Just another women out there trying to force things, thinking she should until reality bites. Seems to be a lot of them around.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I miss sex.


LOL yeah that too


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> From island boy, pics of snow. Please.


I'll try to post when I get the lights up.


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> From island boy, pics of snow. Please.


I will try to remember to snap some in the morning also.


----------



## whitehawk

2galsmom said:


> Ok. Or she just got turned off. It happens. Again you had sex? It is hard to tell, she rejected the second attempt?



l reckon she felt like [email protected] , casual sex does that to me to.


----------



## angstire

whitehawk said:


> l reckon she felt like [email protected] , casual sex does that to me to.


Eh, maybe this will be unpopular, but I don't. If I know it's casual, it's casual and fun, so no feeling bad about it.

Even when I thought someone was getting attached to me, and I was with them, I still didn't feel bad about the sex after. It was still fun. If anything, I was bummed it was all done. 

As far as Friday, I don't think she felt bad at all. I think she was too busy blaming me for being "angry", and probably for initiating, to focus on how she felt. My guess is she's probably confused that I haven't contacted her and that I didn't beg like a puppy when she said we were done. 

Bullet dodged for this guy. Admittedly, a bullet I saw and thought looked pretty and asked to be shot at by anyway, but still...bullet dodged.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> You'll get there Homemaker. You may need a year off from dating just to recover and focus on your job, then slowly start back up on your time, but you'll get there.
> 
> The thing that really helps those who have been through heartbreak and betrayal and divorce is to not force yourself to start dating and having sex if you're not ready yet. You need time to love yourself and start over on your time.




This one deserves an "exactly" ns, well said buddy. :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Sure are a lot of singles here for a Friday night!
> 
> I feel like I have turned into Howard Hughes some days.....if I don't have my kids I won't leave the house but to get more beer and milk. I will just lock my door and turn off all my lights and hide in my basement(office) for days at a time. And if I have to work it is usually in the middle of the night so I don't interact with anyone then either. I rarely answer my phone but texts or business calls and even then it's only if it is going to make me money...



This echos so much me right now it's funny. l won't even answer the ph to business unless l for some reason think this one's not gonna be just another deadbeat trying to get something for 1/2 price of me.
l like locking myself away too. Sometimes l just put Eminem on shuffle and the next minute it's 4am , cool with me. That guy understands the [email protected] in life .
Next minute it's gonna be a beautiful evening or say a Sunday arvo so l chuck the canoe on the car and get down to the lake . Beautiful views and lots of tourists down our beach , female ones  Usually after some of that l go back into hibernation , think l'm really a bear.

Other times l suddenly feel like some air and people so l go upto our main town , wonder about , check out the talent , buy some treats if l've got the money.
When l haven't got my d or a heap of her friends staying though , it's mostly hibernation do some stuff to the property or the house. Me likes hibernation right now .


----------



## whitehawk

I've also had to go across state or interstate a fair bit for work this year to. Love taking off somewhere far but your stuffed when you get back and broke , more hibernation .:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Ne, tis better to miss romanticized sex than go out and force it and then feel like [email protected] and read all about it on a message board. But then, as Random Dude says, "The regret is useful . . ."


:iagree:
I am coming down with the flu, I feel ill, icky but for whatever reason everytime I feel ill, I also feel very sexually aroused.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet, I'm recovered from my D, also recovered from close friend going down with brain hemorrhage as was quite traumatic for me, more so for him I suppose as he lived but has a different life now. Dated and involved with a couple guys, nothing to my liking. I'm relaxed and like to kick back but am no slacker. Job, well, have been focusing on both career and education the past three years, as well as health, self, kids. I think that was an issue for the guys, darned narcissists wanted me at their beck and call. Ummmmm, let me think.....
NO. Just, no.
Have looked around for someone more mature and reasonable, am dismayed by just the looks of men my age (50) on Match. WTF? If someone's life has aged them that much keep me out of it.


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Seriously, I was going to joke about the correlation with sexual arousal and flu, but now I suggest exploring that angle in IC.
> 
> I hope you feel better ne9907! We got sick here, got better and then it came on again so I am now Ms. Germaphobe. I have been washing everyone's toys, making people wash their hands and passing out soup like water!
> 
> Take care, relax and pamper Ne.


haha Apparently, I am not the only one...

Why Colds Can Make You Feel Amorous | Psychology Today


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> I am coming down with the flu, I feel ill, icky but for whatever reason everytime I feel ill, I also feel very sexually aroused.


LOL that's wierd, maybe it's that you want to be taken care of?



2galsmom said:


> Seriously, I was going to joke about the correlation with sexual arousal and flu, but now I suggest exploring that angle in IC.
> 
> I hope you feel better ne9907! We got sick here, got better and then it came on again so I am now Ms. Germaphobe. I have been washing everyone's toys, making people wash their hands and passing out soup like water!
> 
> Take care, relax and pamper Ne.


Hmmm this is interesting...


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Saved again by science. :rofl:


But once I start seeing a counselor again, I will definitely bring out the question!
It is oh so weird.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It makes sense that immunity goes down when testosterone/sex drive goes up. You see, when you get close to another person you're exposed to all kinds of germs and stuff. If your body had the capacity to react to all that, it would take energy away from making those strong little guys swim. I bet the little guys carry little immune systems too. You don't want them fighting off the egg, you want them to attach. So it makes a lot of sense - if you're going to reproduce, the best odds would be had if your immune system is depressed. 

I bet someone clever could measure histamines in sperm cells. No big trick of science to do that I'm sure.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I miss sex.


Who doesn't?


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Seriously? Gay? Are you sure they're not just telling you that, so that you don't realize how many of those chicks they're actually getting? Gay guys are not the only guys with style. Even Chinless, when not under the spell of the Trampire, had very good taste in clothing, furniture, etc.


Oh they were. They were middle aged men who used to have gay orgies when they were hooked on the crystal, and they both caught AIDS from each other. One of them had a son, the other I think tried women and never liked it. Anyways they're both gay, one of them lost all his teeth and has to wear dentures, but they're madly in love with each other and finally off meth living in Kentucky. They were cool guys when they were sober.


----------



## Nsweet

Ne, if you can have sex with out kissing then go for it. 

Sick sex.:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Ne, if you can have sex with out kissing then go for it.
> 
> Sick sex.:smthumbup:


sick sex would be awesome I bet. Unfortunately, I need to feel safe and have feelings for someone in order to have sex. I am so weird, I know


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Nsweet, I'm recovered from my D, also recovered from close friend going down with brain hemorrhage as was quite traumatic for me, more so for him I suppose as he lived but has a different life now. Dated and involved with a couple guys, nothing to my liking. I'm relaxed and like to kick back but am no slacker. Job, well, have been focusing on both career and education the past three years, as well as health, self, kids. I think that was an issue for the guys, darned narcissists wanted me at their beck and call. Ummmmm, let me think.....
> NO. Just, no.
> Have looked around for someone more mature and reasonable, am dismayed by just the looks of men my age (50) on Match. WTF? If someone's life has aged them that much keep me out of it.


Two things. Fist one, pick up a book called "Disarming the Narcissist", which is all about avoiding narcissism from others and not feeding into abusive people's egos in business, personal, or romantic relationships. I have it on audio book on my computer. It's pretty good. A close second would be "Walking On Eggshells" about relationships involving BPD people written for both the BPDs and the Nons.

Second, that's the problem with online dating. If someone around that age had their life together they wouldn't need online dating. So it tends to attract the more desperate people who can't afford a matchmaking service, or liars looking for sex. So these are probably the guys that had to work all of their lives and stress themselves into premature aging. It could also be those men who said they were 50 were really 60 and lying about their age.


----------



## RandomDude

Great... so I was complaining about my STBX and my lost date and suddenly life threw loads of women at me two days ago >.<


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Great... so I was complaining about my STBX and my lost date and suddenly life threw loads of women at me two days ago >.<


*Mark 4:25* - _For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath. _

I'm not even Christian but this quote kick ass! It explains the law of attraction, why the 180 works, and how not needing anyone and just being happy gets you surrounded by opportunity. Women, women everywhere!:smthumbup:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet said:


> Two things. Fist one, pick up a book called "Disarming the Narcissist", which is all about avoiding narcissism from others and not feeding into abusive people's egos in business, personal, or romantic relationships. I have it on audio book on my computer. It's pretty good. A close second would be "Walking On Eggshells" about relationships involving BPD people written for both the BPDs and the Nons.
> 
> Second, that's the problem with online dating. If someone around that age had their life together they wouldn't need online dating. So it tends to attract the more desperate people who can't afford a matchmaking service, or liars looking for sex. So these are probably the guys that had to work all of their lives and stress themselves into premature aging. It could also be those men who said they were 50 were really 60 and lying about their age.


Why read a book if I already say NO, no, and no to the narcissists? Are you saying that at age 50 I made a mess of my life, am destitute, and am a liar? Cause I'm on a dating site. I see your point that these guys are lying but really, from what I see in real life, seems about right, their photos.


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Why read a book if I already say NO, no, and no to the narcissists? *Are you saying that at age 50 I made a mess of my life, am destitute, and am a liar?* Cause I'm on a dating site. I see your point that these guys are lying but really, from what I see in real life, seems about right, their photos.


You personally? No. I have no doubt you're a genuinely honest and good hearted person with a very fulfilling life. That's probably what attracts narcissists to you, which is why you have to keep your guard up. It's nothing against dating, it's just everyone else besides yourself you can't trust until they've had a chance to prove themselves. 

You know there's also a small chance that something about you attracts certain types of men. It could either be the boundaries you put up that make you seem like more of a challenge or some personality trait that others lack which attracts them to you. From my experience it's usually the care-taking or nurturing traits that attract the wackos looking for a perpetual mommy or daddy figure.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> From island boy, pics of snow. Please.


It's not much anymore, but here's what's left on the ground tonight. With some lights on the house, too. 



And I had some of my own luck at the thrift store today. I wasn't crazy about the original lights I had on my tree. They're these newfangled sorta-LED lights, and they were too blue for the incandescent bulb in my vintage treetop star. Today, I found two sets of vintage twinkle lights with the little clear 'flower' covers. All the Christmas stuff was 50% off, so both sets were $1.50 total! When I plugged them in, it just made me feel like a kid again. So pretty!



And Nsweet -- the tree, lights, ornaments, treeskirt, everything, were all thrifted. Some of it's vintage (skirt, star, lights and many ornaments)


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom, so you're saying when you found peace and happiness once again you were attracted to like minded people? Funny how that works.


----------



## ne9907

I wonder what kind of man I attract? My ex is very weird ( I do not want to see the truth yet). He does has a savior complex, I suppose if what he said about "helping" women is true.
Before ex, I dated a misogynist with a bad boy persona.
Then there was that pot head with rich and enabling parents.
Then hmm trying to remember....
One got attached too fast, too quick, and was a cheater.

Oh, lets not forget about the one who was emotionally unavailable and later professed I was the only one worth the trouble of marriage.


----------



## Ikaika

Thank you Angel


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I wonder what kind of man I attract? My ex is very weird ( I do not want to see the truth yet). He does has a savior complex, I suppose if what he said about "helping" women is true.
> Before ex, I dated a misogynist with a bad boy persona.
> Then there was that pot head with rich and enabling parents.
> Then hmm trying to remember....
> One got attached too fast, too quick, and was a cheater.
> 
> Oh, lets not forget about the one who was emotionally unavailable and later professed I was the only one worth the trouble of marriage.


That's not who you are now, that's who you were back then. Who you are now is someone who's changed and learned from your mistakes. 

If I make make a very basic assessment, it sounds like you *WERE * (no longer are you) a very naive and trusting immature girl who didn't know the red flags or lacked the self esteem to go after quality relationships. Your ex husband had savior complex as was attracted to your damsel-in-distress attitude, the misogynist bad boy was after the part of you that was easily controlled and fed his ego, the pot head with enabling parents liked you because you enabled him as well, the level 5 clinger was only after an easy target and probably cheated on you with another one, and the emotionally unavailable avoidant guy only wanted you when you when it suited him. 

All of that sounds to me like a woman who fell in love too quickly with the exciting bad boys, with no real idea of what she would and would not accept (also known as boundaries), probably a little insecure in herself which is what a lot of these guys fed off of, and with no real experience with a healthy relationship model taught by her parents. 

And I know this sounds harsh, but I really don't mean it to be. Everything I'm writing is something I went through as well and your exes are pretty much the Bizarro world male copies of the women I used to date, except a few of them left me for other women, and I was the one trying to rescue the ex wife... Until the damsel in distress turned out to be the Angelina Jolie dragon from Beowulf.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

It is not mean at all. I am at a period of my life in which I am beginning to discover who I really am. I need to look at the choices I have made, I need to look at the relationships I had, and I need to develop a healthier version of me. 
All advice is appreciate, otherwise I would not air my dirty laundry 

However, I only truly fell in love once. With ex. Before I met him, I never wanted to get married at all!!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> It is not mean at all. I am at a period of my life in which I am beginning to discover who I really am. I need to look at the choices I have made, I need to look at the relationships I had, and I need to develop a healthier version of me.
> All advice is appreciate, otherwise I would not air my dirty laundry
> 
> However, I only truly fell in love once. With ex. Before I met him, I never wanted to get married at all!!


If you want to leave the past in the past and someday find yourself a healthy relationship, then only thing you need to do is look within and work on yourself. 

Start with the past and the relationship you had with your parents, as well as any relationship with a close relative that meant the most to you. Then write about your relationships from the past and what you've learned about yourself by the lessons your exes taught you. Finally, who you TRULY are from the core. This is going to be the hardest because 99% of people filter their responses from the true self to protect the ego. 

Also it wouldn't hurt to spend a few hours each week reading about relationships. Everything from dating and marriage books to articles on why bad boys like really nice girls and visa versa. Read as much as you can about relationships, as long as you enjoy it, because relationships have a way of repeating themselves. The faces and names may change but actors always find a way of portraying the same characters.... At least until you the director make changes to the script.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> I was also thinking you could place one well written Craig's List ad and get some very motivated horny guy to shovel your whole walk way in a few hours. "Shovel my snow and I'll show you my feet" :rofl:


I know I said "no whay" to this yesterday....BUT....looking at my driveway today and feeling lonely, this seems like a decent solution...!! Ha!

I hate Sunday's. Always get me down and when I feel the loneliest. I try to focus on me and doing stuff I enjoy but still...every Sunday I can't seem to break the funk cycle. Been this way since I moved out. When does it get better?


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I know I said "no whay" to this yesterday....BUT....looking at my driveway today and feeling lonely, this seems like a decent solution...!! Ha!
> 
> I hate Sunday's. Always get me down and when I feel the loneliest. I try to focus on me and doing stuff I enjoy but still...every Sunday I can't seem to break the funk cycle. Been this way since I moved out. When does it get better?


There's a psychological term for that (which escapes me at the moment), having to do something with weekend anxiety on Fridays and depression on Sundays. I know prisoners get it big time even though nothing changes for them.

I get it too, and I water fast on most Sundays which makes the loneliness and depression worse. The only thing that makes it better is to do something you enjoy, actually check off something on your to do list even if it's just a workout, and get enough sleep. A lot of us are sleep deprived and Sundays should be the day you get more sleep where you can get it.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> There's a psychological term for that (which escapes me at the moment), having to do something with weekend anxiety on Fridays and depression on Sundays. I know prisoners get it big time even though nothing changes for them.
> 
> I get it too, and I water fast on most Sundays which makes the loneliness and depression worse. The only thing that makes it better is to do something you enjoy, actually check off something on your to do list even if it's just a workout, and get enough sleep. A lot of us are sleep deprived and Sundays should be the day you get more sleep where you can get it.


Sundays were always cuddle and spend time together days. This is the day I miss companionship the most. Not my ex, not my marriage...but miss having someone special to share intimate moments with. 

Gets me down a bit. Not nearly like it used to though.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Sundays were always cuddle and spend time together days. This is the day I miss companionship the most. Not my ex, not my marriage...but miss having someone special to share intimate moments with.
> 
> Gets me down a bit. Not nearly like it used to though.


That's what I miss the most too. It wasn't the sex that I missed after she was gone, I missed going to bed cuddling someone and waking up with someone to hold. Hugging in general.

I admit I tossed around the idea of posting an ad for nonsexual cuddling on CL but didn't want to seem like a needy loser.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> That's what I miss the most too. It wasn't the sex that I missed after she was gone, I missed going to bed cuddling someone and waking up with someone to hold. Hugging in general.
> 
> I admit I tossed around the idea of posting an ad for nonsexual cuddling on CL but didn't want to seem like a needy loser.


Its not the same if there isn't a deeper emotional connection. Cuddling, sleeping together, hugging....its not the same without that. 

So I guess I'm missing the emotional companionship more than anything physical. I am realizing if I dont have that, its not worth any companionship just for the sake of not being lonely.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Its not the same if there isn't a deeper emotional connection. Cuddling, sleeping together, hugging....its not the same without that.
> 
> So I guess I'm missing the emotional companionship more than anything physical. I am realizing if I don't have that, its not worth any companionship just for the sake of not being lonely.


Ok, so you're saying I should fall in love with prostitutes and then cuddle them? That sounds really expensive.:rofl: 

I'm kidding.

What you said, that's pretty much what I came to the conclusion to. You could have all the meaningless sex you want but it's just going to leave you feeling empty and needy for something the types you're going after can't/won't/don't want to give you. 

Where as if you're emotionally complete, happy, and full of joy again, your love interests will want to hug and cuddle with you as soon as the first opportunity arrives. Refer to the "To him that hath" quote a page or two back for this.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I know I said "no whay" to this yesterday....BUT....looking at my driveway today and feeling lonely, this seems like a decent solution...!! Ha!
> 
> I hate Sunday's. Always get me down and when I feel the loneliest. I try to focus on me and doing stuff I enjoy but still...every Sunday I can't seem to break the funk cycle. Been this way since I moved out. When does it get better?


Im in MI and that's one of my businesses is a plowing company 

Speaking of I forgot to take some pics of the snow...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Im in MI and that's one of my businesses is a plowing company
> 
> Speaking of I forgot to take some pics of the snow...


Do any work in Genesee county ?? Ha ha ha


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> That's what I miss the most too. It wasn't the sex that I missed after she was gone, I missed going to bed cuddling someone and waking up with someone to hold. Hugging in general.
> 
> I admit I tossed around the idea of posting an ad for nonsexual cuddling on CL but didn't want to seem like a needy loser.


I just heard about this on this week's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, and immediately thought of you and this post, Nsweet.

For $60, Snuggle House lets you hug, cuddle, spoon with a 'professional'
 

*(Forgot that TAM scrambles the name of the city. Had a heck of a time finding a story without the word in either the title or the link URL. Thanks, TAM. )*


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> That's what I miss the most too. It wasn't the sex that I missed after she was gone, I missed going to bed cuddling someone and waking up with someone to hold. Hugging in general.
> 
> I admit I tossed around the idea of posting an ad for nonsexual cuddling on CL but didn't want to seem like a needy loser.


Hey, I volunteer!!  You just need to get me to Texas!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Im in MI and that's one of my businesses is a plowing company
> 
> Speaking of I forgot to take some pics of the snow...


I love the snow!!! Pictures please 

Let it Snow - Michael Buble - YouTube

one of my favorite Christmas songs


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> Im in MI and that's one of my businesses is a plowing company












...is that legal in Michigan?



ne9907 said:


> I love the snow!!! Pictures please


Doo, doo, doo, lookin' out my back door...


----------



## ne9907

Pbartender said:


> ...is that legal in Michigan?
> 
> 
> 
> Doo, doo, doo, lookin' out my back door...


I love it! I would be making a snowman and snow angels and all that crazy stuff!


----------



## Another Planet

Sorry all the pics I took look terrible, I'll give it another try tomorrow.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Do any work in Genesee county ?? Ha ha ha


No but I am just a stones throw away to your south. I'm in Livingston County.


----------



## vi_bride04

I put up xmas lights and garland. Its not much but does help lift my spirits a little  hope everyone had a good Sunday.


----------



## whitehawk

Certain nights and days are a [email protected] , no doubt about it.
l have to drop my d of Sun nights , that upsets us both but then l come home to just me for the rest of the night and sometimes thats good.
So it's the wknights for me and day to day life , like work , hassles, bills , what to do on the house , your day, music, dvds , chit chat and long talks in bed, just a partner and friend , your partner in crime.
l've come to the conclusion after 18yrs together , l don't like life alone , seems lonely and pointless , no fun either. And when things are hard they're double hard alone, strange.
l miss cuddles , waves goodbyes , phone calling and text all the time , your best friend around .
I have one sister and a brother that have never even lived with someone , what a weird life .
The brother though has met someone he wants to marry , he's 49. Heaps of emails, he's stuck big time. He loves her and thinks she's a wonderful girl but he's been free he's whole life , he's worry he can't be married . 
l've given him my wisdom :rofl::rofl::rofl:
What wisdom l hear you ask , umm , this wisdom. Good luck !


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

Trying to figure out if my current date is either non-photogenic or was it my beer goggles last Friday...


----------



## Nsweet

Beer goggles. Are you sure it wasn't beer f*ck-it?


----------



## RandomDude

Lol no idea, will have to see when I take her out. I sure hope it's not beer goggles!

I didn't drink that much anyway and I was very close to her face - no makeup, and still solid 8, but her photos... 5-6! =/ Like WTF!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Lol no idea, will have to see when I take her out. I sure hope it's not beer goggles!


Maybe you'll lucked out and she'll be average pretty with a great personality, and not one of those "maybe they are, maybe they aren't" strippers with a princess attitude.

A 5 who doesn't cheat is a perfect 10 in my book.


----------



## unsure78

lol...exh is trying to win me back... brought one of my favorite foods again for me and my son when he dropped him off... and then proceeded to announce that he doesn't have a girlfriend and then stare at me...hahahahahahaahhahahaahha 

sucks to be him... i would rather be alone than with that again


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> lol...exh is trying to win me back... brought one of my favorite foods again for me and my son when he dropped him off... and then proceeded to announce that he doesn't have a girlfriend and then stare at me...hahahahahahaahhahahaahha
> 
> sucks to be him... i would rather be alone than with that again


*And so Killer hat said....* _"Is this guy bothering you babe?"
_

:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Hahahahaha unsure - do you ever say anything to his advances or even acknowledge them? 

I have no idea what I would do if my ex came back wanting me. I think I would be too speechless to tell him to f* off! lol


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> I have no idea what I would do if my ex came back wanting me. I think I would be too speechless to tell him to f* off! lol


I'd be looking for the Candid Camera. :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> I'd be looking for the Candid Camera. :rofl:


"OMG I'M ON PUNKED AREN'T I!!??? Where's Ashton??

haha

I think both of our ex's have way too much pride, AP. It will never happen.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> I put up xmas lights and garland. Its not much but does help lift my spirits a little  hope everyone had a good Sunday.


Btw, would love to see pics of your spirited decorations. We have our tree up and humble indoor seasonal decorations. My boys love it. I do wish everyone on this thread happy holidays and hope for a brighter 2014.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> "omg i'm on punked aren't i!!??? Where's ashton??
> 
> Haha
> 
> i think both of our ex's are way to dumb to realize their own folly ap. It will never happen.


fify


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> *And so Killer hat said....* _"Is this guy bothering you babe?"
> _
> 
> :rofl:


I have though of asking that as a favor of killer before we are done... all he would have to do is stand there and introduce himself and what he does/ has done in the past for a living....

I am considering it...it would amuse me and I guarantee blues would never bother me again...lol


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Hahahahaha unsure - do you ever say anything to his advances or even acknowledge them?
> 
> I have no idea what I would do if my ex came back wanting me. I think I would be too speechless to tell him to f* off! lol


I just ignore it completely...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, I started a list of places that I wanted to have sex after my divorce.....this weekend I took care of two of them......


The beach......check.
Hot tub at a luxury condo resort.......check. :smthumbup:


On ward and upward!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I have though of asking that as a favor of killer before we are done... all he would have to do is stand there and introduce himself and what he does/ has done in the past for a living....
> 
> I am considering it...it would amuse me and I guarantee blues would never bother me again...lol


I just said what I did as a joke. That would actually be a very bad idea to have him stand up to your ex.... It's just best not to. I don't even want to get into what could happen if you did this and then tried to break it off with Killer later.


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> Maybe you'll lucked out and she'll be average pretty with a great personality, and not one of those "maybe they are, maybe they aren't" strippers with a princess attitude.
> 
> A 5 who doesn't cheat is a perfect 10 in my book.


Lol but I never date lower than 8, 5 is too low - 6 is ok if she looks good with makeup, and if I remember she was a natural beauty at a solid 8 without makeup. But whether its beer goggles or that she's just not photogenic I'll have to find out sooner or later - and decide whether to continue or find someone else.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Lol but I never date lower than 8, 5 is too low - 6 is ok if she looks good with makeup, and if I remember she was a natural beauty at a solid 8 without makeup. But whether its beer goggles or that she's just not photogenic I'll have to find out sooner or later - and decide whether to continue or find someone else.


oh Random. I don't know whether to laugh or roll my eyes... I just don't know! lol
Well maybe laugh.
What was your ex? and what would you rate you?

Yes I am talking from experience, as my ex said "ne is average or below average, maybe a 6 so from now I am going for 10"

that statement no longer makes me sad but I sort of want to laugh, and I am thinking "oh! so some men do think alike"


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Lol but I never date lower than 8, 5 is too low - 6 is ok if she looks good with makeup, and if I remember she was a natural beauty at a solid 8 without makeup. But whether its beer goggles or that she's just not photogenic I'll have to find out sooner or later - and decide whether to continue or find someone else.


A 6 or 7 with an amazing personality can end up looking like a 10 when you get to experiencing life with her......


----------



## Nsweet

Hey, my ex wife was a 5 when I met her and married her. She lost a lot of weight, took better care of herself, and ended up a solid 8 no contest. Then she cheated on me, gained a lot of weight back, and looked like crap on facebook, but that's not my point. 

You gotta give everyone an opportunity. I mean perfect pretty girls are beautiful to look at but kinda suck in bed. A girl who hasn't had everything given to her and had to develop a personality, coping skills, and talents to make it in the real world... She's give you fun times together with her and amazing sex.

You know maybe it's just that we're two different ages. Girls my age who are perfect were probably spoiled little brats to begin with. And I prefer the beauty that took a little longer to develop from within, and the women who start out looking ok but get more and more beautiful when you get to know them.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> A 6 or 7 with an amazing personality can end up looking like a 10 when you get to experiencing life with her......





> Hey, my ex wife was a 5 when I met her and married her. She lost a lot of weight, took better care of herself, and ended up a solid 8 no contest. Then she cheated on me, gained a lot of weight back, and looked like crap on facebook, but that's not my point.
> 
> You gotta give everyone an opportunity. I mean perfect pretty girls are beautiful to look at but kinda suck in bed. A girl who hasn't had everything given to her and had to develop a personality, coping skills, and talents to make it in the real world... She's give you fun times together with her and amazing sex.
> 
> You know maybe it's just that we're two different ages. Girls my age who are perfect were probably spoiled little brats to begin with. And I prefer the beauty that took a little longer to develop from within, and the women who start out looking ok but get more and more beautiful when you get to know them.


:smthumbup:

You two know what is up!


----------



## RandomDude

STBX is 7 to me, 9 to others, 10 to me when she wasn't p-ssing me off. I'm rated as an 6-10 depending on the woman and her tastes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I've always been confident, secure and with enough game so with no lack of available 8s for me to squeeze. 

I've never been considered average let alone below - hence I'm spoiled


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> STBX is 7 to me, 9 to others, 10 to me when she wasn't p-ssing me off. I'm rated as an 6-10 depending on the woman and her tastes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I've always been confident, secure and with enough game so with no lack of available 8s for me to squeeze.
> 
> I've never been considered average let alone below - hence I'm spoiled


Being happy is important, finding exactly what you like and not settling is also important!

HOpe it wasn't beer goggles and she is NOT very photogenic~


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, I sure hope so too, especially considering I picked her out of the crowd! I wasn't 'shotgunning'/'machinegunning' that time, I was 'sniping'

Just hope my beer goggles didn't blur out my scope! lol
We have solid chemistry, I just hope I don't have to FZ her


----------



## Nsweet

Screw the number system and pretty girls. I'd rather date a blind chick or a woman with cancer who's lost all her hair to chemo. Both would probable be a lot more fun now that they don't worry about their looks. Probably better in bed too! 

And like you could give a blind girl a bag of jelly bellies and blow her mind. 

And a bald cancer patient... I would love to rub her bald head and cook her foods she could taste. Freakin roll her joints all day and try to cheer her up. Hellz yeah!


----------



## RandomDude

Almost all women are sh-t in bed on the first night bro, same reason why I went for NSAs not ONSs in the past too lol

I'd rather have what I want or nothing at all


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Yes I am talking from experience, as my ex said "ne is average or below average, maybe a 6 so from now I am going for 10"


Btw ne, judging by your pic, you're ANYTHING but average, and I would say you're an 8  And for other guys you could be 10 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so carry yourself as a hottie cause you are one - and I'm no flatterer


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> *Almost all women are sh-t in bed on the first night bro,* same reason why I went for NSAs not ONSs in the past too lol
> 
> I'd rather have what I want or nothing at all


Key word - ALMOST


----------



## Nsweet

More like "beer holder" in your case there Random Dude.:rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Screw the number system and pretty girls. I'd rather date a blind chick or a woman with cancer who's lost all her hair to chemo. Both would probable be a lot more fun now that they don't worry about their looks. Probably better in bed too!
> 
> And like you could give a blind girl a bag of jelly bellies and blow her mind.
> 
> And a bald cancer patient... I would love to rub her bald head and cook her foods she could taste. Freakin roll her joints all day and try to cheer her up. Hellz yeah!


Well, I didn't start dating my gf because of her looks even though she is very attractive. It was her smile and personality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

@vi_bride

True, but a rather large percentage lol



Nsweet said:


> More like "beer holder" in your case there Random Dude.:rofl:


Lol I hope not mate, I really like her personality/values/attitude/smile/interests



> Well, I didn't start dating my gf because of her looks even though she is very attractive. It was her smile and personality.


Well, my STBX wife was substandard too, but meh
It took a year before anything happened


----------



## vi_bride04

So.....I setup a POF profile. It really was just to see whats out there. Not sure how active I will be on it yet. I was getting hits WITHOUT a pic up so I'm sure I will have to weed through a bunch of jerks. 

If anyone cares to read my profile, let me know(PM). I am not really looking for critique as I'm not that invested into it but I guess it wouldn't hurt.


----------



## RandomDude

On dating sites men machinegun and cast a wide net for replies, just how it is. You can PM me if you wish and I'll give my opinion.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> So.....I setup a POF profile. It really was just to see whats out there. Not sure how active I will be on it yet. I was getting hits WITHOUT a pic up so I'm sure I will have to weed through a bunch of jerks.
> 
> If anyone cares to read my profile, let me know(PM). I am not really looking for critique as I'm not that invested into it but I guess it wouldn't hurt.


Yeah, I'll be happy to help you later. I'll shoot you a message after a brief nap and see if I can dig up any ebooks on internet dating from my PUA library folder on my external drive.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I just said what I did as a joke. That would actually be a very bad idea to have him stand up to your ex.... It's just best not to. I don't even want to get into what could happen if you did this and then tried to break it off with Killer later.


Baby i doubt killer is really into me other than for a fun time, which is ok, thats what im using him for too at this point...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

RandomDude said:


> Almost all women are sh-t in bed on the first night bro, same reason why I went for NSAs not ONSs in the past too lol
> 
> I'd rather have what I want or nothing at all





vi_bride04 said:


> Key word - ALMOST


I know, right?


----------



## Dollystanford

Pffffffttttttttttth!!!!


----------



## ne9907

soooo I am planning a trip to Vegas for New Years Eve.
Anyone in?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> soooo I am planning a trip to Vegas for New Years Eve.
> Anyone in?


You're kidding...??


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> You're kidding...??


Nope. 
Is this a bad idea? haha, I think it would be fun.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, I'll be happy to help you later. I'll shoot you a message after a brief nap and see if I can dig up any ebooks on internet dating from my PUA library folder on my external drive.


Share the love, i'll take the book too.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Nope.
> Is this a bad idea? haha, I think it would be fun.


I'm trouble and can be a bad influence I shouldn't go


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm trouble and can be a bad influence I shouldn't go


haha!
I live 4 hours away from Vegas. Drive, get drunk, enjoy new year's eve celebration, and drive back!


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm trouble and can be a bad influence I shouldn't go


All the more reason to go.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Pffffffttttttttttth!!!!


Very eloquently said.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha!
> I live 4 hours away from Vegas. Drive, get drunk, enjoy new year's eve celebration, and drive back!


I hope you're thinking about using a DD and not driving yourself.


----------



## whitehawk

Date site emails from girls , what the hell do they usually say to you ?
Below are some of the emails l've had in the last few wks . Are these typical icebreakers or what ?

So , you like Nick Cave ? --- that was it !
Do you have any pets ? ---- 
l've lost my phone number can l borrow yours? ----
Wanna chat ? -----
l like your taste ! ----
wanna chat ! -----
l'm 29 , single and ready to go ! ----
hey you liked silence of the lambs ? ----
hey where's your pic gone handsome ----
hey l love some of your music ! ---
want coffee ! ----
you there ! -----

l haven't been into my site for 5-6wks but this is some of the emails that come from there and through to my phone email so l usually check them on the phone !

l mean is that it , is that what you guys get , where they start ?
l mean l read all this bs about guys should write this and say that - wtf for , be a fkg waste of time wouldn't it !

l'm really curious about this , l don't think l've ever had a girl contact me with more than 4 or 5words and they're all something like these. With the exception of one or two very long deep and meaningful's .
Or else this chat pop up thingy on my site- you on , lets chat !


----------



## Nsweet

:rofl: That sounds about right. Girls on these dating websites, and I mean the immature women not REAL women, are creepy as hell in their approaches. 

I used to get very inappropriate questions about my divorce status, which said "Divorced", as the first question these girls would ask about me. Like WTF, I don't know you and you ice breaker is you probing into what happened to my marriage. Then there was a few that would try to open with some spiritual soul mates crap or cryptic poetry- RED FLAG!

It's like these women haven't had a real date in so long that they've lost touch with reality and think their version of creepy pick up lines will work on guys. You just know someone who asks you a bullsh!t question not even relating to anything you've put up on your profile is just looking to lure you in so they can have you listen to them talk about themselves.

You wanna know how I met girls online in the past? I would ask them about their profiles. That's it. If I couldn't think of anything I would ask them if they're was more to them than what they put, but I certainly wouldn't ask them if they liked "Silence of The Lambs" or any other thing like what you've told us Whitehawk. That's just, ughh... I didn't even think it was possible for a woman to creep like that.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh right. Yeah l mean l haven't even bothered answering any really and wtf do you even say to some of that crap.
l mean even "wanna chat"
Um , well maybe but who the fk are you first of all you know ? bullsh!ting on with someone before you have at least bit of an idea you know , what's the point.
And wtf is 29 , single and ready to go - like ready to go what , humping the first guy that answers or what ? what a bizarre opener !

Yeah l remember you saying somewhere about that divorce thing, way of base and what all on there anyway , pretty damn intrusive straight up.

l mean l don't mind short and sweet but eh , they are short short and wtf .
But like one girl said , oh hi l'm such and such, if you like my profile would you like to say hello - or something like that anyway.l mean that was cool to me , like she invited me to look and stuff first.
But like wtf, you got any pets. Ahh yeah, got a dog , sooooo ???? 

So what you don't get stuff like that then hey ?

PS , Silence of the lambs and Nick Cave are some of my fav stuff on my page that's why they brought those up but eh , a bit of elaboration wouldn't hurt :rofl:


----------



## angstire

29, single and ready to go might be (probably is) a spam/phishing technique. I'll get Match likes from women with one hot photo and they're in their 20s. Almost no detail in their profiles. Some kind of scam, or escort or phishing from porn sites. I just ignore those, or block if I hear from them twice.

Good luck WH!


----------



## Pbartender

angstire said:


> 29, single and ready to go might be (probably is) a spam/phishing technique. I'll get Match likes from women with one hot photo and they're in their 20s. Almost no detail in their profiles. Some kind of scam, or escort or phishing for porn sites. I just ignore those, or block if I hear from them twice.


Or how about the ones who live someplace like Singapore, or the Ukraine.


----------



## Lon

Any email from a woman on online dating sites is an icebreaker. Be fortunate you get any 2 way communication on there at all!


----------



## Pbartender

A friend sent this to me this morning. I thought it worth posting here...



> *Demons with Glass Eyes*
> 
> “How Can I learn to trust again?”
> 
> At the end of the SOULMATE teleconference call we took a few questions (sorry that I couldn’t get to all of them. There was just so much to say!) and one was from a lady whose voice was choked with emotion.
> 
> She had been hurt, betrayed, and was in a totally understandable position: preferring to be alone than with the wrong person.
> 
> First of all, that is a perfect place to begin! It is VERY important to withdraw from the dating scene and marshall your energies for introspection.
> 
> Here’s the simple truth: you can trust other people to the precise degree that you can trust your own judgement.
> 
> The reason is that most relationships are based on “you don’t call me on my b.s. And I won’t call you on yours.” In other words, because of guilt, blame, shame and a battered self-image, we build fantasies about ourselves, false ego shells to protect us from the fear that, if people really knew us, they would dislike us.
> 
> And what happens?  You naturally attract others who also wear masks. And there are two basic outcomes of that. We’ll use the gigantic over-simplification of “good and bad people” to illustrate:
> 
> 1) “Good” people. Basically good, decent people, who have a damaged self image or feel that they cannot present their “real” selves. So…you fall in love with their mask. The trouble is that, under pressure, masks collapse and then you’re dealing with the real person, with very different flaws and failings than those you bargained for. Sometimes, this revelation can be the beginning of something new and healthy. But sometimes it can be an utter tragedy, destroying families. If only they’d been honest from the start, they might have found someone complementary to their issues, and a healthy bond could have formed.
> 
> 2) “Bad” people. There are predators in the world, people who prey on the weak and overly-trusting. These people thrive on slight-of-mouth and various crazy-making, “gaslighting” patterns. They want you to pay attention to what they say, rather than what they do. Don’t pay attention to the track-record of human wreckage they leave behind them: “I’ve changed” or “I won’t treat YOU that way…”
> 
> Right. Yes, people deserve a second chance. But there’s no reason it has to be with YOU. These people, unaware that they have souls, seek to devour those belonging to anyone foolish enough to trust them.
> 
> In truth, both “good” and “bad” people are just running from their own fears and pain, with the exception of a very small percentage, who are basically addicted to the animal hunger for the hunt and the kill. And sometimes…the pain and terror attending thereto. Oh, yes, there are demons with glass eyes who drink tears. Yours.
> 
> You have to learn to know who they are. To sniff them out, and know whether those masks conceal a wounded heart or a werewolf’s gleaming teeth.
> 
> But…how?
> 
> 1) you have to take responsibility for your relationship history. YOU CHOSE ALL OF THEM. Remember that “responsibility” is not guild, blame, or shame. It is “the ability to respond.” In other words, you commit to never making those mistakes again. And the only way to do that is to admit them, inspect them, come to useful conclusions about why and how you made them, devise tactics and strategies to prevent those mis-steps in the future.
> 
> 2) You must love yourself, deeply and without reservation. That doesn’t mean accepting your b.s., any more than you’d take it from your kids. It means that you believe you are a precious soul. Only with that kind of conviction can you look at your flaws without flinching, without fearing what they might “mean” about your worth. And you will have to look deeply.
> 
> 3) You must commit to truth. “Do not Think Dishonestly”. When you look deeply enough at your relationship history, your body, and your career…and ask yourself what strengths and weaknesses, fears and loves, talents and faults, habits and aversions created the effects you see, it can be painful. But…you also develop a deep instinct about the gap between what people say and what they show. The hair on the back of your neck will stand up when people tell stories about “why they did X or Y.” When they smile with crocodile teeth.
> 
> 4) You must treat your heart as if you are your own most beloved child. We will do things for our children (or children we love) that we will not do for ourselves. SOMEONE must stand as guardian at the gates of your heart, and say “you shall not pass!” or at the very least, “your credentials, please!”
> 
> If your own parents were not protective of you, you have to find a way to become this protective of yourself. Your heart and sexuality might be considered playgrounds, where it is good to drop masks and intentions and just play and be yourself. Children on playgrounds are so open and friendly, making connection instantly, sharing everything.
> 
> And this is why parents and monitors need to be there: both to keep the games friendly, and to keep predators at bay. IF and only IF the adults are on guard are the children safe to do what children are supposed to do: dream and play, love and frolic, grow and learn.
> 
> Our hearts yearn to give everything, to believe that THIS one is “the One”, someone with whom we can share our dreams and lives and hearts and passions.
> 
> But if you don’t learn to distinguish truth from falsehood, don’t learn to value yourself enough to lock the gate, don’t believe you are worth fighting for, you will be fanged and clawed into the worst kind of cynical rejection of love and faith. NO ONE is as cynical as the wounded romantic.
> 
> So…before you gain so much emotional scar tissue that you can no longer open your heart, love yourself ruthlessly. Tell the truth. Look deeply.
> 
> And…if necessary..withdraw from the dating game until you’ve developed these attributes. How can you tell if you need to withdraw?
> 
> If the thought of withdrawing makes you feel lonely…then yes, I’m talking to you. Being alone is one thing, and it is a lost art form for many. But if you cannot feel the love and joy in your heart without hallucinating it originates in someone else, you cannot form a healthy adult relationship.
> 
> Your relationships will either be co-dependent…or you will attract predators. And if you’d wish neither on your own beloved child, you should damned well reject it for yourself.
> 
> Namaste,
> Steve
> The Soulmate Process - Awakening


----------



## vi_bride04

Thanks for that PB, really needed to read something like that today. 

Thinking about pulling my profile down. I feel like I'm forcing myself to get out there when I really don't feel ready. Too apathetic and too on guard still.


----------



## Pbartender

_"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."_ *- Epictetus*

You'll be ready when you're ready, Vi. Until then... chillax.

:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

That was brilliant, Pbar. Thank you for posting that. I wish everyone who entered the GTDS forum would get that as a handout when they came through the door.


----------



## badcompany

badcompany said:


> Well I did ok. She only had a sitter until 8pm but it was still 2 hours of good conversation, we had a ton in common even our food likes lol. I sent her a text later that night and we are planning round 2 so we'll see what happens. :smthumbup:


Bah, back to square one. I got the "want to see what happens with this guy" message. Oh well.


----------



## vi_bride04

So how do you like the online dating so far bad? How long have you been on the site and about how long before you had your first date?


----------



## unsure78

badcompany said:


> Bah, back to square one. I got the "want to see what happens with this guy" message. Oh well.


thats rude of her... is that really how she worded it? not something like im becoming exclusive with someone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Hey everybody


----------



## Another Planet

badcompany said:


> Bah, back to square one. I got the "want to see what happens with this guy" message. Oh well.





unsure78 said:


> thats rude of her... is that really how she worded it? not something like im becoming exclusive with someone?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch yeah that sucks, plus kind of gross IMO. Did she block your profile?
The last girl that I was talking to and even putting effort into was over thanksgiving. I thought we chatted it up great through email, she kept hinting on sending me pics of her hobbies and after a few times of her hints I was like ok fine here's my number you can text me some pics...3 days later I'm blocked, WTF! I didn't do anything creeper.....or maybe she met someone I don't know. I don't really like Match, I haven't even tried since.


----------



## angstire

badcompany said:


> Bah, back to square one. I got the "want to see what happens with this guy" message. Oh well.


Sorry dude, I've gotten that too. Brush yourself off, take a breather if you need to and get back in there when you're rested up.

Rejection builds confidence too.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Any email from a woman on online dating sites is an icebreaker. Be fortunate you get any 2 way communication on there at all!



Ahh right and yep in all honesty l appreciate anyone saying hello tbh and l guess the girls have to be careful and stuff. But as you guys know l'm not really into it yet but l have wondered about some of the emails though let me tell you.
My site mustn't be too bad then bc l get l dunno , 4 or 5 a wk , some more.
That one about the photo , l just took the pic out for awhile still , weird ice breakers or hell, maybe they're typical , didn't know . Gotta laugh though.
Anyone notice they're all very frisky :rofl: come holiday times ?


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Or how about the ones who live someplace like Singapore, or the Ukraine.


Ah you guys get them too , some are nice but l had to block those countries in the end they were clagging things up.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Thanks for that PB, really needed to read something like that today.
> 
> Thinking about pulling my profile down. I feel like I'm forcing myself to get out there when I really don't feel ready. Too apathetic and too on guard still.


Me too that's why l took out my pic. Just browsing when l can be bothered really.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> thats rude of her... is that really how she worded it? not something like im becoming exclusive with someone?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who would even know, just means she's not interested whatever the case but , better to know though , really !
Plenty more fish in the sea BC.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Ouch yeah that sucks, plus kind of gross IMO. Did she block your profile?
> The last girl that I was talking to and even putting effort into was over thanksgiving. I thought we chatted it up great through email, she kept hinting on sending me pics of her hobbies and after a few times of her hints I was like ok fine here's my number you can text me some pics...3 days later I'm blocked, WTF! I didn't do anything creeper.....or maybe she met someone I don't know. I don't really like Match, I haven't even tried since.


Yeah right , it is really fkg weird from what l've seen so far. One girl sent me 3 emails , she even did this bump thing Zoosk use , it puts her pic up top of my emails or something. Wasn't sure it was popping up everywhere after she did that.
l just hadn't even been in there lately but so when l did , she looked nice on her P so l sent her a little reply - nothin !
Mind you , 3wks later so maybe she just thought fk you , dunno.


----------



## angstire

whitehawk said:


> Yeah right , it is really fkg weird from what l've seen so far. One girl sent me 3 emails , she even did this bump thing Zoosk use , it puts her pic up top of my emails or something. Wasn't sure it was popping up everywhere after she did that.
> l just hadn't even been in there lately but so when l did , she looked nice on her P so l sent her a little reply - nothin !
> Mind you , 3wks later so maybe she just thought fk you , dunno.


Instant gratification societies; if you didn't contact her within a few days, she's already classified you into one of her red flag categories (can't commit, too busy, actually married, etc.). It sucks, but it's how the online dating game is played.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Ahh right and yep in all honesty l appreciate anyone saying hello tbh and l guess the girls have to be careful and stuff. But as you guys know l'm not really into it yet but l have wondered about some of the emails though let me tell you.
> My site mustn't be too bad then bc l get l dunno , 4 or 5 a wk , some more.
> That one about the photo , l just took the pic out for awhile still , weird ice breakers or hell, maybe they're typical , didn't know . Gotta laugh though.
> Anyone notice they're all very frisky :rofl: come holiday times ?


Only unsolicited emails I ever got on dating websites were fake ones or else the female equivalent of creeper (which like most guys I wouldn't even mind if they were physically attractive). About 1 in ten even replied at all and most of the replies to my icebreakers were " sorry your not my type". I think of hundred or so women I contacted three actually engaged in a dialog, two of those I know what I did wrong to lose their interest and the third turned into a date, which turned into a short but hot relationship, but she was a little crazy. Never really bothered wasting my time on their after that.


----------



## *MiMi*

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Trying to figure out if my current date is either non-photogenic or was it my beer goggles last Friday...


Sorry to butt in where I don't belong. Had to interrupt here real quick. I look a lot better in person than I do in pictures. I don't tend to be the most photogenic person. In nearly EVERY picture, I'm either eating or talking. So, give the girl a break. 

That being said, I think *Dedicated2Her* and *Nsweet* have an admirable view on the matter. If I were to be single again, I would be open to dating most guys regardless of their "rating." Sometimes I think that gives off a better vibe to the opposite sex, too (more approachable, less arrogant). In any case, to each their own. 

Good luck! I hope she's what you're looking for. 

Back to your regularly scheduled programming...


----------



## RandomDude

The 'rating' is a measure of *personal* attraction, so a 10 to me could be an 8, and an 8 could be a 10 to someone else. I can't expect all women to turn my fancy nor to turn the fancy of all women (so I don't think its being unapproachable or arrogant to have or to understand preferences) and I strictly go for the ones that I find myself sexually attracted to otherwise there's simply no point IMO - sex is too important for me to just forsake.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Only unsolicited emails I ever got on dating websites were fake ones or else the female equivalent of creeper (which like most guys I wouldn't even mind if they were physically attractive). About 1 in ten even replied at all and most of the replies to my icebreakers were " sorry your not my type". I think of hundred or so women I contacted three actually engaged in a dialog, two of those I know what I did wrong to lose their interest and the third turned into a date, which turned into a short but hot relationship, but she was a little crazy. Never really bothered wasting my time on their after that.


Scuse the ignorance but in date site terms , what's an unsolicited email , the Asian stuff or ?
l have said hello to a couple of that emailed , few back and forths but really , l lack the online mojo right now tbh . None of those really intersted me or you feel like you'll just waste your time .

So do you go real world now Lon ?
l prefer that , the online stuffs just too surreal. lf l wanna pay to l could go out for a few beers and pool instead , like that idea.


----------



## whitehawk

My x use to laugh at this but l called her a 10 for yrs.
Pretty amazing though , 10 yrs later , bit of weight , you wouldn't know it was the same person.
She was still very nice though whenever she got the weight off.

ps , others probably thought she was about 8 but to me she was an 11.


----------



## RandomDude

I knew it wasn't beer goggles, current squeeze just loaded a recent photo, solid NINE  Can't wait to see her with makeup - but guess she knows she doesn't need it

Feeling much better now! Now to arrange a date sometime...


----------



## Nsweet

Anyone ever get beer goggles watching pornos?

And now that you're all making that face after having just read that. Good morning singles thread.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I strictly go for the ones that I find myself sexually attracted to otherwise there's simply no point IMO - sex is too important for me to just forsake.


RD---Who said anything about forsaking? See, the issue is that the majority of men look at sexual compatibility as purely physical. Which is absurdly wrong. While looks can play a part, good sex is absolutely emotional. Emotional compatibility is paramount to a great sexual connection.

Now, I hear what you are saying about personal preferences, but there are women out there that every red blooded man would say is a definite "10"....I married one. I have also dated a few after my divorce. The one thing I have found with women who are so amazingly beautiful is that they end up with major personal shortcomings in providing their half of a relationship. I was dating 3 women at once. One, an absolute 10 in anyone's book. After a couple of dates I noticed inconsistencies in her communication and some things that I was used to seeing from women that hott........princess syndrome. Second, a 7 or 8 with one of the most amazing personalities I have ever been around, overall tender hearted, and get this....NOT MANIPULATIVE. (because she is very secure in herself) Also, good common interests. Third, a 6 with a great personality and a ton of common interests. She, however, was a little on the codependent side.

I chose the 7-8. I would say, sexually, things were not dynamic at the very beginning. However, everyday I appreciate her more. She knows how to treat people and love others. She is emotionally intelligent. It is CRAZY how emotionally connected you can get. I see so much beauty in her now. And, the sex, well.......it's mind blowing.


----------



## *MiMi*

Thank you, Dedicated2Her, for saying things in a much more eloquent manner than I was about to. It's about being more open-minded within your own personal preferences. RandomDude, when you said you wouldn't date anyone less than an 8, that's shutting down a lot of women and a lot of potentially great relationships. Then again, it's not my place to tell you who to date. That's your prerogative.

Best wishes.


*Edited to clarify who I was speaking to.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

*MiMi* said:


> Thank you, Dedicated2Her, for saying things in a much more eloquent manner than I was about to. It's about being more open-minded within your own personal preferences. When you said that you wouldn't date anyone less than an 8, that's shutting down a lot of women and a lot of potentially great relationships. Then again, it's not my place to tell you who to date. That's your prerogative.
> 
> Best wishes.



And this is the beauty of being emotionally educated. My old self placed HIGH priority on personal beauty. Yeah, I played football in college, dated the cheer leaders, etc. It is a small part of things, but not near as much as most men put it as.


----------



## RandomDude

Dedicated2Her said:


> RD---Who said anything about forsaking? See, the issue is that the majority of men look at sexual compatibility as purely physical. Which is absurdly wrong. While looks can play a part, good sex is absolutely emotional. Emotional compatibility is paramount to a great sexual connection.


Sure, STBX was attractive but wasn't sexually appealing to me initially but I didn't care as I got to know her. Still, it took me a while before I considered her suitable. I'm not in the process of waiting around for a full year again however and a woman has to be one of a kind to impress me with personality alone - which my wife did once upon a time.

But then the issues began, and I was no longer looking at her with rose-tinted glasses. As a result, she fell below my standards and the result? I drove her to extensive lengths of insecurity because quite frankly I 'settled' for her, I failed to give her words of affirmation despite being her love language because I don't believe in saying crap if I don't mean it and most of the time with her attitude/demands/crap I couldn't bring it to myself to tell her she's beautiful when at those times she wasn't to me.



> Now, I hear what you are saying about personal preferences, but there are women out there that every red blooded man would say is a definite "10"....I married one. I have also dated a few after my divorce. The one thing I have found with women who are so amazingly beautiful is that they end up with major personal shortcomings in providing their half of a relationship. I was dating 3 women at once. One, an absolute 10 in anyone's book. After a couple of dates I noticed inconsistencies in her communication and some things that I was used to seeing from women that hott........princess syndrome.


Preferences aren't very universal, especially in multicultural societies with racial preferences existing in dating. STBX was considered 9 or 10 it seems amongst the public, but while for me she was just 7. Where as in many cases amongst my ethnic group (and those who may have a fetish) I'm considered 9 or 10 but can go down as low as 6 depending on the ethnicity and preferences of the woman in question. Standards aren't universal and it can be divided between ethnic groups down to individuals.

At the same time, a 6/10 for some of my mates would be a solid 8 or even 10 for me. So I don't see why I should go for someone who in the end -> Just isn't my type. Sure I can keep an open mind which I've done for STBX but look what happened? In the end, she's better off with a man who will better appreciate her beauty. I only appreciated her personality which sure - contributed to her beauty for me, but when her personality failed, I had nothing left.

So from now on I'm dating up to my standard - 8/10 and above, no exceptions. Nah uh... zilch! Besides last 3 dates this year - all 8/10 and above, they aren't in short supply.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> But then the issues began, and I was no longer looking at her with rose-tinted glasses. As a result, she fell below my standards and the result? I drove her to extensive lengths of insecurity because quite frankly I 'settled' for her, I failed to give her words of affirmation despite being her love language because I don't believe in saying crap if I don't mean it and most of the time with her attitude/demands/crap I couldn't bring it to myself to tell her she's beautiful when at those times she wasn't to me.


And, you have taken that and learned what? That you need to up your standards?????? In a long term relationship, especially marriage, everyone's warts come out and you eventually don't see the person in the same light. That's when you have to action yourself to emotion.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm not saying my standards have gone completely physical, but it would have definitely helped if I was more naturally attracted to her when I wasn't.

Anyways I didn't up my standards, I'm just not settling for less than what I want anymore.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> At the same time, a 6/10 for some of my mates would be a solid 8 or even 10 for me. So I don't see why I should go for someone who in the end -> Just isn't my type. Sure I can keep an open mind which I've done for STBX but look what happened? In the end, she's better off with a man who will better appreciate her beauty. I only appreciated her personality which sure - contributed to her beauty for me, but when her personality failed, I had nothing left.
> 
> So from now on I'm dating up to my standard - 8/10 and above, no exceptions. Nah uh... zilch! Besides last 3 dates this year - all 8/10 and above, they aren't in short supply.


And, in psychological circles, this is affectionately known as "swinging the pendulum". Good luck.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

?


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> RD---Who said anything about forsaking? See, the issue is that the majority of men look at sexual compatibility as purely physical. Which is absurdly wrong. While looks can play a part, good sex is absolutely emotional. Emotional compatibility is paramount to a great sexual connection.
> 
> Now, I hear what you are saying about personal preferences, but there are women out there that every red blooded man would say is a definite "10"....I married one. I have also dated a few after my divorce. The one thing I have found with women who are so amazingly beautiful is that they end up with major personal shortcomings in providing their half of a relationship. I was dating 3 women at once. One, an absolute 10 in anyone's book. After a couple of dates I noticed inconsistencies in her communication and some things that I was used to seeing from women that hott........princess syndrome. Second, a 7 or 8 with one of the most amazing personalities I have ever been around, overall tender hearted, and get this....NOT MANIPULATIVE. (because she is very secure in herself) Also, good common interests. Third, a 6 with a great personality and a ton of common interests. She, however, was a little on the codependent side.
> 
> I chose the 7-8. I would say, sexually, things were not dynamic at the very beginning. However, everyday I appreciate her more. She knows how to treat people and love others. She is emotionally intelligent. It is CRAZY how emotionally connected you can get. I see so much beauty in her now. And, the sex, well.......it's mind blowing.


I'm happy for you but Dang that makes me feel a little depressed, going into the holidays single and **** sucks.

But I totally agree with you. I have said it before if I am having sex with someone I already have a thing for that girl. I can't stand a bad personality, I can see right through all that BS makeup and hot clothes down to the core and if they are ugly inside they look ugly on the outside to me. Things like fake laughs and little white lies can make a 10 into a 2 really fast with me.

I don't like high numbers either, I have been with 4 girls but I have been having sex since I was 15 just with those same girls some revisited for a bit lol  my longest dry spell was while I was married and that wasn't even 9months other then that I have been active since I was 15 and it doesn't bother me one bit.

I am trying to work my way into politics and I really don't want a bunch of crazy exes messing up my game. I honestly expect of myself to either hold the mayoral office or be a State rep or both by the time I die and I take this very seriously.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> I'm happy for you but Dang that makes me feel a little depressed, going into the holidays single and **** sucks.
> 
> But I totally agree with you. I have said it before if I am having sex with someone I already have a thing for that girl. I can't stand a bad personality, I can see right through all that BS makeup and hot clothes down to the core and if they are ugly inside they look ugly on the outside to me. Things like fake laughs and little white lies can make a 10 into a 2 really fast with me.
> 
> I don't like high numbers either, I have been with 4 girls but I have been having sex since I was 15 just with those same girls some revisited for a bit lol  my longest dry spell was while I was married and that wasn't even 9months other then that I have been active since I was 15 and it doesn't bother me one bit.
> 
> I am trying to work my way into politics and I really don't want a bunch of crazy exes messing up my game. I honestly expect of myself to either hold the mayoral office or be a State rep or both by the time I die and I take this very seriously.


I hear you. I had a nasty dry stretch for about a year and a half in my marriage followed by a small stretch after divorce. It all went crazy then. I've got some very strong boundries and have learned to spot signs of "crazy", so no stupidness yet.


----------



## RandomDude

Numbers are a personal thing, why conform to society's standards to beauty, not to mention, why believe that a beautiful woman will automatically be a b-tch? STBX was 7 to me, yet 9-10 to others - others being the average male in this country raised in the western standard of beauty, and although she may have indeed been manipulative/demanding/b-tchy/stubborn at her worst, at her best she's been loyal, honest, transparent, loving, passionate and definite good wife-material - if one can satisfy her needs.

Which in my case - I couldn't, I can't conform to sex 3x a day nor can I give her lovey dovey words of affection when it's never been my strong point especially when she makes me resentful of her. And she's realised this, so I have to let her go. But meh, she's not my problem anymore, still, I hold no ill towards her, she's never betrayed me and has always been a good mother for my daughter so she will always have my respect regardless.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Scuse the ignorance but in date site terms , what's an unsolicited email , the Asian stuff or ?
> l have said hello to a couple of that emailed , few back and forths but really , l lack the online mojo right now tbh . None of those really intersted me or you feel like you'll just waste your time .
> 
> So do you go real world now Lon ?
> l prefer that , the online stuffs just too surreal. lf l wanna pay to l could go out for a few beers and pool instead , like that idea.


By unsolicited I mean messages from women whom I did not contact first. My point was that by and large, unless your profile demonstrates online mojo, as a man expect to be the one doing all the initiating, at least for the ones that interest you.

As for me in the real world, just as in online I have no game. But I do have a little mojo, which is reserved for my gf. I suspect those that have game in real life probably have it online too.


----------



## RandomDude

> I suspect those that have game in real life probably have it online too.


Erm no =/
Not initially, I had to learn actually, I put a very generic profile when I started and it was meh, despite my pretty face. Then I put some effort in it, and walla, I had weird girls emailing me, in which I turned them all down. And I must still suck cause many emails I sent didn't get a reply, unless they are all fake profiles or they just wanted to put their best photo for an ego boost or something.

I had 10x better success on face to face meet ups where I could bring my charm and game to bear. You see:










Human communication works best offline


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Numbers are a personal thing, why conform to society's standards to beauty, not to mention, why believe that a beautiful woman will automatically be a b-tch? STBX was 7 to me, yet 9-10 to others - others being the average male in this country raised in the western standard of beauty, and although she may have indeed been manipulative/demanding/b-tchy/stubborn at her worst, at her best she's been loyal, honest, transparent, loving, passionate and definite good wife-material - if one can satisfy her needs.
> 
> Which in my case - I couldn't, I can't conform to sex 3x a day nor can I give her lovey dovey words of affection when it's never been my strong point especially when she makes me resentful of her. And she's realised this, so I have to let her go. But meh, she's not my problem anymore, still, I hold no ill towards her, she's never betrayed me and has always been a good mother for my daughter so she will always have my respect regardless.


A relationship that hits the rocks has a 50/50 fault factor. You changing how you select women based upon what you "believe" to be your previous experience in dating your ex is what we call swinging the pendulum. Fact is, a person can't make you resentful of them. Only you can do that. All you can do is set boundries, communicate them, and become a healthy person. 

Point is. Picking another girl, based upon what you have written and what you are saying here, is only going to lead to a myriad of problems with that person. Why, because you are swinging the pendulum and not looking at things from a balanced point of view. Which, means you have resentment. It's ok, though. The vast majority of divorced people do EXACTLY what you are doing.


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## RandomDude

I'm done with my wife, I no longer really care let alone feel resentment as long as she doesn't make it difficult for us to co-parent - we've been done for a year now. As for my lovely new date I didn't select her out of looks alone mate, I had quite alot of choices on Friday and she was the best in my standards - both physically and emotionally.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hi All. I had a lovely travel. I met some cool peoples, saw some hot peoples, but didn't get with any peoples. LOL. 

My one friend I saw (the friend who loves me and I told him we are friends and I'd never do anything to ruin that) was in good spirits and seemed to get annoyed when someone came around with mistletoe and I declined; he is a great guy (sooo great) and I have wondered if attraction CAN build (cause he is so great and the spark has never been there for me), but alas, after several ****tails, still nothing on my end, not even flirty-****tail-style. And his friend (who I'd only just met that day) said something flirty to me and I found myself laughing. So guys... I do not think the spark is ever going to happen between us, even as awesome as my friend is. Perhaps with some people can develop but there is simply no sexual attraction/physical attraction on my end. 

Now, the other guy--social media guy--the one who kept saying he'd email me to explain why he'd disappeared (twice) and never did--he started with the "I miss you" and "I need to see you soon" and inviting me to that wedding. He kept on and on and I was so getting turned off. I told him point blank I was not into it namely because he isn't a person of his word and I do not see anything for us since he seems to resurface only from time to time and I don't see the point of us going out again; that he's a cool guy but I think it's better we are friends. Well, wouldn't you know he starts inviting me to go on this overseas trip with him and "wants to prove" me wrong and make it up to me. Uh, not interested, buddy. And finally, finally he emails me saying... he was "testing 1 2 3..." to me (WTF?) and I asked him what was up and then he sends a long email about his impending travels. Did not respond.

WTF is wrong with people? 

The moment I told him I wasn't into it at all he's all over me like white on rice. All it has done is kill any attraction I did have for him because he's such a fvckin flake. My lady areas do not at all get excited at that kind of behavior. Gross!


----------



## Nsweet

Look up push/pull theory Jelly beans. It explains why these guys never want you when you're around, but they're all aver you when you don't want them. It's not always a good thing either.

The reason why my just-a-friend didn't do it for you even though he seems right, is because he's wimp and a "nice guy" that can't seem to get it through his head that constantly trying to take things further is just pissing you off and driving you away. He's doing the insecure needy nice-guy thing and trying to turn every good time you have together into a proposition. If he would just stop that and get a girlfried, you'd want him. 

And Mr. Flake doesn't want a relationship, he wants woman he can date whenever it suits him but never have to do anything to maintain that relationship. He'd be better off buying one of those $6,000 real girl dolls he can dress up and leave home and never have to do anything to keep her attracted to him or work on the relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

No games so far with my date, we met, had a spark, people commented on how close we were leaning on each other and made it awkward! (but yet... suggestive and cute), got her number, and yay, been sweet ever since 

But its only been a few days, I hope things go well, I don't want to end up annoyed and then having to fall back to thinking of my divorce and being lonely again. But... at least I know where to find them now.

Jellybeans, you know you deserve better and you'll find them 
Happens when you least expect it too!


----------



## angstire

Nsweet said:


> He'd be better off buying one of those $6,000 real girl dolls he can dress up and leave home and never have to do anything to keep her attracted to him or work on the relationship.


:rofl:

Maybe women could get a finder's fee on selling those real girl dolls? Run across the right type of prospect, hand him a card with "special" pricing and you collect your checks at the end of the quarter.

Might be something here.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Look up push/pull theory Jelly beans. It explains why these guys never want you when you're around, but they're all aver you when you don't want them. It's not always a good thing either.


Righto. And I definitely agree it's not a good thing. Because nothing turns me off faster than a flake. It is the #1 surefire/fastest way to make any attraction I have for someone die. 



Nsweet said:


> The reason why my just-a-friend didn't do it for you even though he seems right, is because he's wimp and a "nice guy" that can't seem to get it through his head that constantly trying to take things further is just pissing you off and driving you away. He's doing the insecure needy nice-guy thing and trying to turn every good time you have together into a proposition. If he would just stop that and get a girlfried, you'd want him.


I respectfully disagree with you here, Nsweet. For me, if there is no attraction, it is very unlikely to build. I have know him for eons, so this isn't someone new in my life and it has simply never been there. I do not think he is a "needy" person. I think he is awesome person. And personally I prefer a man w ho is "nice" compared to a guy who is a d!ck. Every time. I get what you are trying to say, but your ideas about this particular guy are wrong. Sometimes we just don't "spark" with someone and that is what this is. I value his friendship way more than anything else. 



Nsweet said:


> And Mr. Flake doesn't want a relationship, he wants woman he can date whenever it suits him but never have to do anything to maintain that relationship. He'd be better off buying one of those $6,000 real girl dolls he can dress up and leave home and never have to do anything to keep her attracted to him or work on the relationship.



Well I totally agree with you on this one. Yeah this guy probably thought his hot and cold was going to turn me on and all it has done is make me feel gross about him. Seriously, after I told him I did not want to go out with him again, every contact he's made since has only turned me off more and more. My issue is with him saying he was going to do something and not following through. I absolutely despise when people say they will and don't. It's the principle. He misses me? Inviting me on trips? Yeah right. To him I say: 












RandomDude said:


> No games so far with my date, we met, had a spark, people commented on how close we were leaning on each other and made it awkward! (but yet... suggestive and cute), got her number, and yay, been sweet ever since
> 
> Jellybeans, you know you deserve better and you'll find them
> Happens when you least expect it too!


Thanks. At this point my expectations aren't very high after my last few experiments. Glad to hear you got out of the house and had a nice time with someone.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I respectfully disagree with you here, Nsweet. For me, if there is no attraction, it is very unlikely to build. I have know him for eons, so this isn't someone new in my life and it has simply never been there. I do not think he is a "needy" person. I think he is awesome person. And personally I prefer a man w ho is "nice" compared to a guy who is a d!ck. Every time. I get what you are trying to say, but your ideas about this particular guy are wrong. Sometimes we just don't "spark" with someone and that is what this is. I value his friendship way more than anything else.


Hehe, looks like a certain man is having trouble getting out of the friend zone, and looks like it's too late now too, cause anything will just be out of character for him.

No spark? Move on!


----------



## badcompany

whitehawk said:


> Who would even know, just means she's not interested whatever the case but , better to know though , really !
> Plenty more fish in the sea BC.


Yeah I'm not having any troubles myself, I've noticed the holiday friskiness too both this week and last week I've had to stop contacting new women because I can't really focus and get into their heads messaging more than 2-3 at a time.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> No spark? Move on!


Except that we are actually friends who went to school a million years ago together. So it's not like there is "dating" to move on from.... lol


----------



## RandomDude

Ack... awkward! =/

Personally I would keep my distance, but tis just me


----------



## ne9907

So... a while ago I posted a question on this site whether I should contact an old flame or not. Well I went against popular advice and I contacted him yesterday via email. He responded an hour later and gave me his cell number to text him. I was very busy yesterday and only just now saw the response. I will text him before I take off (to sell insurance since my license finally came in).

He is divorced, still in the army and on the east coast. More to come later. It was good hearing from him again.


----------



## Nsweet

The only old flames you don't want to recontact are the abusers, cheaters, and ones who treated you like crap. Anyone else, anyone you had fun with and who was genuinely good to you you can contact and see if you both can give it another shot. 

Just don't expect to pick up where you left off. People change over the years and you've got to take the time to get to know them as they are now, not rehash the old stories they would barely remember from long ago.


----------



## unsure78

So update... my dating / fantastic sex-a-thon with killer is continuing... hes actually seeing me more regularly....hes fantastic in bed... what took a year to get to with the engy, was like second time with killer.... but that being said I still dont think hes particularly interested in me long term, im not just a booty call for him as he takes me out, he has no hesitation spending, and have met some of his friends but i dont get the vibe that hes into "me"

so in order for me to not get all stupid over killer im still keeping my options open...one new one I have started talking to.. will prob go on a date with him in the next week or two..


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> The only old flames you don't want to recontact are the abusers, cheaters, and ones who treated you like crap. Anyone else, anyone you had fun with and who was genuinely good to you you can contact and see if you both can give it another shot.
> 
> Just don't expect to pick up where you left off. People change over the years and you've got to take the time to get to know them as they are now, not rehash the old stories they would barely remember from long ago.


I don't expect to pick up where we left off. He is the one whom I wrote was "emotionally unavailable". He is super hot haha. 
I am feeling lonely, do not want to date, do not want to meet new people, he is a safety zone for me. Not sure if it makes sense, but the fact that he is very far away from me makes it safe. 
It felt good that he remembered me after all these years (17), and that he said he often thought of me.
At this point, obviously I shouldn't care for his affirmations but I need it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nene--you are on separate coasts? Maybe he'd make a good penpal to flirt with.



unsure78 said:


> So update... my dating / fantastic sex-a-thon with killer is continuing... hes actually seeing me more regularly....hes fantastic in bed... what took a year to get to with the engy, was like second time with killer.... but that being said I still dont think hes particularly interested in me long term, im not just a booty call for him as he takes me out, he has no hesitation spending, and have met some of his friends but i dont get the vibe that hes into "me"


Is this the slow hat? I am so jealous of all the sexy time you are having! But happy for you! How often are you seeing him and what makes you tink he's not that into it for long-term...or giving you that vibe?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I was a bad, bad girl. I got Mr NoChem in trouble!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Nene--you are on separate coasts? Maybe he'd make a good penpal to flirt with.
> 
> 
> 
> Is this the slow hat? I am so jealous of all the sexy time you are having! But happy for you! How often are you seeing him and what makes you tink he's not that into it for long-term...or giving you that vibe?


no its killer hat... go look at my pic album, i have pics of both up

Im now seeing him once to twice a week... (which is a fair amount since im a single mom of a 5 yr old and have him all but every other weekend) once is usually a weekend date where we go out, the other is coming and hanging out after my little guy goes to sleep.

why do i not think he is really into me? while we are seeing each other more, there has been no increase on a communication level, hes not really.trying to get to know me, unless i voulnteer it... hes not trying to find out how my day is, usually when you invest in someone thats stuff you start.to ask regularly... i have not been to.his house yet (though.that may happen this weekend)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I was a bad, bad girl. I got Mr NoChem in trouble!


ooooo what happened?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

slow hat pissed me off too many times... hes flaky... im done with him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> ooooo what happened?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I contacted his other woman!  She had NO IDEA that he had been sleeping with both of us. As far as she was aware, I was his friend only. It really pissed me off that he was open with things to me, but was keeping her in the dark. So I did the only thing a sister could do!


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I contacted his other woman!  She had NO IDEA that he had been sleeping with both of us. As far as she was aware, I was his friend only. It really pissed me off that he was open with things to me, but was keeping her in the dark. So I did the only thing a sister could do!


hahaha I love it! good for you 3x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Erm no =/
> Not initially, I had to learn actually, I put a very generic profile when I started and it was meh, despite my pretty face. Then I put some effort in it, and walla, I had weird girls emailing me, in which I turned them all down. And I must still suck cause many emails I sent didn't get a reply, unless they are all fake profiles or they just wanted to put their best photo for an ego boost or something.
> 
> I had 10x better success on face to face meet ups where I could bring my charm and game to bear. You see:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Human communication works best offline



Yep exactly. l've always had natural, fun , instant, in the real world but online l feel like a creeper . lt totally misses all that nature intended in the weirdest ways.
l wouldn't even be signed up except l'm pretty isolated here unless l get out and into it , which is awkward mostly right now . But l've always just stumbled over thing in life even if l'm not out there and into it as much as most. So usually , l could be laying low for wks or mths , go out once or twice and just happen across some situation. Things have always worked like that for me.
Dunno if it would now though , been a long time , my luck might've changed 

Although , even with the way lifes been this last 12mths , l have still accidentally just stumbled across 2 or 3 really special girls which is how it use to work for me so
hopefully it's still with me .

Friends use to get really pissed at me because they'd be out clubbing and chasing wk after wk , yet l'd be doing nothing , uninterested yet somehow just meet someone 10x more worthwhile than anything the managed with all their running round. Which l've done my self with them in stints and it usually wound up more depressing than online dating .
But like l say been a long time , dunno if my stuff still works like that .

l've got a real fear right now of ending up alone , dunno .


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> The only old flames you don't want to recontact are the abusers, cheaters, and ones who treated you like crap. Anyone else, anyone you had fun with and who was genuinely good to you you can contact and see if you both can give it another shot.
> 
> Just don't expect to pick up where you left off. People change over the years and you've got to take the time to get to know them as they are now, not rehash the old stories they would barely remember from long ago.



There's only one l'd contact but she married this guy so. He's a control freak , everyone knew they're the odd couple and one day she'lll explode , pack up and leave. Been peeking at their face book waiting for the big one


----------



## whitehawk

To me things some have been saying here about numbers and looks are spot on. Attraction , feelings , love , it is so much more than just about looks . 
like you need whatever you need but l've gotta have all the other stuff and long term just really dig the person, like who they are, they way they are , the feelings between you , just be into them .

l've always found if you lose that it doesn't matter what they look like once the honey moons over it's a goner .

l had this quicky one , this chick was so hot and she just , well put it this way, man she was good . How any guy could ever complain with this girls talents .

Yet , 6 or 7 wks , done , weird , flat as a tack , all gone , kaput  Yet she was a great girl too , really you couldn't ask for more but when it's just gone or not there , doesn't seem to matter.


----------



## Nsweet

Well I'm glad I'm not the old one that peeks at exe's facebook profiles every so often. Ex wife is still a getting fat and working the damsel in distress schtick with the fas posOM, and all my ex girlfriends are still phony as ever (accordingly to their profiles), rapidly aging from alcohol abuse, having multiple children with no means to support them, and just sad immature party girls. 

Looks like I lucked out there! Man, I never though I would be so glad to get dumped... But I really escaped a bad thing with every one of them.:smthumbup: Everyone of them cheated on me, and I'm sorta glad they did. Those girls sucked! My taste in women (bad girls) sucked!

Is it weird that I feel I should pity my exes, but don't want to?


----------



## whitehawk

ironically , l accidentally met me ex through this singles newspaper thing. Just an 18yrs ago version of online dating really.
They just sent you out 6 or 7 matches each wk . But it was so different then . Peope weren't as fkd up as they are now. The girls did have to be pretty careful , actually so do the guys . But it was just much much simpler , there wasn't the suspicion and fkd upness of now.
Basically if you liked someone that came in that wks mail , you'd just ring them up or they'd ring you. Simple as that.
From there if you wanted tp you'd just meet up somewhere.

My ex arrived one wk with 5 or 6 others, l rang her , went over to meet her and we were off .
Wish that simplicity was still around.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> Well I'm glad I'm not the old one that peeks at exe's facebook profiles every so often. Ex wife is still a getting fat and working the damsel in distress schtick with the fas posOM, and all my ex girlfriends are still phony as ever (accordingly to their profiles), rapidly aging from alcohol abuse, having multiple children with no means to support them, and just sad immature party girls.
> 
> Looks like I lucked out there! Man, I never though I would be so glad to get dumped... But I really escaped a bad thing with every one of them.:smthumbup: Everyone of them cheated on me, and I'm sorta glad they did. Those girls sucked! My taste in women (bad girls) sucked!
> 
> Is it weird that I feel I should pity my exes, but don't want to?


It's fun to know this. 

At the same time, why bother? Seems like your life is finally headed in the direction you want to take it. 

Since I still have to communicate with my ex-wife. It's ironic that she still Facebook stalks me, and I have no idea why. Since Facebook photos talk, apparently I am in a relationship now, and didn't even know it. 

But she says she isn't jealous.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Looks like I lucked out there! Man, I never though I would be so glad to get dumped... But I really escaped a bad thing with every one of them.:smthumbup: *Everyone of them cheated on me, and I'm sorta glad they did*. Those girls sucked!


Isn't hindsight a beautiful thing? When I look back on people who I was involved with, I am almost always so happy it ended. LOL. Like, I may have been upset when it ended but with time, I am more thankful than sad. Lol.



whitehawk said:


> ironically , l accidentally met me ex through this singles newspaper thing. Just an 18yrs ago version of online dating really.
> They just sent you out 6 or 7 matches each wk .* But it was so different then . Peope weren't as fkd up as they are now. *


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> no its killer hat... go look at my pic album, i have pics of both up
> 
> why do i not think he is really into me? while we are seeing each other more, there has been no increase on a communication level, hes not really.trying to get to know me, unless i voulnteer it... hes not trying to find out how my day is, usually when you invest in someone thats stuff you start.to ask regularly... i have not been to.his house yet (though.that may happen this weekend)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah I see. Yeah if he's not making an effort beyond the bedroom then it's probably just a booty situation.

And I peeped your pics. Unsure, you are adorable! And dare I say, you have a great rack! LOL. Haha. Just based on photos, Slow Hat looks like someone I'd avoid and Killer Hat looks like an action hero figure. Your boy is cute. 



3Xnocharm said:


> I contacted his other woman!  She had NO IDEA that he had been sleeping with both of us. As far as she was aware, I was his friend only. It really pissed me off that he was open with things to me, but was keeping her in the dark. So I did the only thing a sister could do!


OMG. WTF? You failed to mention Mr. No Chem had another woman! When did you find out? And good on you for letting her know. Has she been seeing him for awhile? How'd you find out about her? Has he reached out to you since? How did you say it to her? 

Bwahaha. Owned!

And I guess that's why he was saying he couldn't really pursue things with you further--it's cause he was already dipping his privates somewhere else. Egads Make sure you are careful and test for STDs. 



whitehawk said:


> There's only one l'd contact but she married this guy so. He's a control freak , everyone knew they're the odd couple *and one day she'lll explode , pack up and leave. Been peeking at their face book waiting for the big one :*D



:rofl::rofl::rofl: You are cracking me up today, White.


----------



## Nsweet

My anniversary/birthday is coming up on Sunday, and all I can think about is how immature I used to be back when I met my wife. 

All I wanted to do was party and get laid at 21, I didn't even care about my job in the Navy. I just wanted to go to clubs and bars and score with hotties that sense my creepy vibe and stayed away from me. But all that changed after marrying her on my 21st birthday. I settled down within weeks and found myself happier staying at home every night. All I wanted to do was be a family man and grow up. 

Flash forward to now....

All I can think about is how I'd like to go out to a bar on my birthday, but I don't want to meet anyone. I just want to take life more seriously, save money, get some therapy, probably go back to college, *NOT* have children anytime soon, and take life more seriously. It's like I don't even want to have fun, I just want to study and save money.

Hmmm.


----------



## Jellybeans

There is nothing wrong with studying and saving money. 

Frankly, I think 21 is way too young to be getting married, especially in this day and age. Our brains are not fully formed til we are 25 anyway.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> There is nothing wrong with studying and saving money.
> 
> Frankly, I think 21 is way too young to be getting married, especially in this day and age. Our brains are not fully formed til we are 25 anyway.


I've got a saying about that.:smthumbup:

If they won't let you rent a car before you're 25, why should you be trusted to get married?:rofl:

Boy was I stupid back then.:slap: I don't regret the relationship, I just regret having married her. I wish I could have just broken up with her when she cheated on me, instead of having to go through everything with the divorce. I would probably have a job and a girlfriend by now.


----------



## unsure78

lol thanks jelly

3x agree with jelly yea std test....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> I've got a saying about that.:smthumbup:
> 
> If they won't let you rent a car before you're 25, why should you be trusted to get married?:rofl:
> 
> Boy was I stupid back then.:slap: I don't regret the relationship, I just regret having married her. I wish I could have just broken up with her when she cheated on me, instead of having to go through everything with the divorce. I would probably have a job and a girlfriend by now.


You don't have a job? Man start a youtube channel, your a very smart guy with all that stuff you have up in your head just open up with a topic and run with it then post it. You will get a ton of hits. with time you will learn the format and function.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> OMG. WTF? You failed to mention Mr. No Chem had another woman! When did you find out? And good on you for letting her know. Has she been seeing him for awhile? How'd you find out about her? Has he reached out to you since? How did you say it to her?
> 
> Bwahaha. Owned!
> 
> And I guess that's why he was saying he couldn't really pursue things with you further--it's cause he was already dipping his privates somewhere else. Egads Make sure you are careful and test for STDs.


I didnt mention it because I was too embarrassed about the choice I was making, I didnt want to be lectured! I chose to continue with him because I was getting some needs met, and since he was being open about things, my eyes were open going in. BUT, then I found out that SHE had no idea, and that didnt sit well with me at all! That in addition to the way he kept continuing things with her, knowing that things werent going anywhere, like he was with me, was enough to push me to take some action. I contacted her through one of the dating sites. I told her we had a man in common, that I knew how much he was lying to her and wanted to find out how much I was being lied to. I left my phone number and email, and she texted me before I even got out of bed this morning! Its been an interesting day! 

I have to say, this is the first time that I have EVER had the balls to do something like this. I am proud of the progress I have made with my passivity! :smthumbup: And damn it felt good!


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Well I'm glad I'm not the old one that peeks at exe's facebook profiles every so often. Ex wife is still a getting fat and working the damsel in distress schtick with the fas posOM, and all my ex girlfriends are still phony as ever (accordingly to their profiles), rapidly aging from alcohol abuse, having multiple children with no means to support them, and just sad immature party girls.
> 
> Looks like I lucked out there! Man, I never though I would be so glad to get dumped... But I really escaped a bad thing with every one of them.:smthumbup: Everyone of them cheated on me, and I'm sorta glad they did. Those girls sucked! My taste in women (bad girls) sucked!
> 
> Is it weird that I feel I should pity my exes, but don't want to?



That's great you can look back and see those things , they did you a favor .
Older and wiser you can meet yourself a girl with a bit of decency when your ready now and to hell with them.

l to feel a bit sorry for my ex W now but for different reasons. l still don't think she realizes the long term ramifications of what she's done over a short term hick up and the little girl moment that had her thinking this is the way. She said it was the big girl moment to do something but with what was going on , it was actually the opposite . The big girl would've said look this is bs and saved her family .
Things are very hard for her now , l actually worry about her , l know l shouldn't.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> You don't have a job? Man start a youtube channel, your a very smart guy with all that stuff you have up in your head just open up with a topic and run with it then post it. You will get a ton of hits. with time you will learn the format and function.


Yep l'd be thinking more like the worlds your ouster to ns . l started my first business at 24 . Your free and at the perfect time to do or start whatever you want . Good luck eh .


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> You don't have a job? Man start a youtube channel, your a very smart guy with all that stuff you have up in your head just open up with a topic and run with it then post it. You will get a ton of hits. with time you will learn the format and function.


No, man I haven't had a job since I was discharged in 2010.

I've thought of hosting my own youtube channel, I really have.... But I'm not a real talkative guy in person. Navy trained that streak right out of me. And I'm not narcissistic enough to just sit there and talk about my life expecting people to give a damn. Usually because I'm not doing anything exciting and therefore have nothing to talk about, and I just don't like to b!tch about anything or brag.

They say you should find a way to do what you love and make money off of it, but the only things I really enjoy getting out of bed for is working out and TAM. It may not seem like it but I really enjoy having people tell me about their relationships, good, bad, or in the middle. And about 90% of the time I have some good advice for them, or I can tell them what they want to hear to keep up their spirits and keep them motivated. 

I've got some other interests too! Some things I can't talk about (Dolly knows why), and a background in nerdy interests and electronics, I can play the guitar pretty well. I also have a thing for patterns and puzzles and mathematical formulas and such. But unless people want to watch boring videos of me explaining music theory or some other crap, IDK what I'd do.


----------



## whitehawk

Hey you sound pretty good with a computer too and the starting costs would be manageable.
How about building yourself a Google, a face book or a you tube or something. 
lf l had a head for that stuff l'd be all over something new like that, build it up , sell it.


----------



## Nsweet

The only thing I can think of that would really draw attention and allow me to be myself, and the one idea that I've been kicking around for a while would be for me to start writing and performing little 3 minute and under youtube comedy routines. Just some jokes I've been kicking around for a while, some stories from my past, nothing rude or offensive if I can help it. I definitely gotta talk about funny sex storirs and my family.

I don't know if any of you know this but I was raised on In Living Color and Monty Python, Mad TV and SNL, freaken Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, Rodney Dangerfield, all the great comedians from various styles of comedy. And I like to write little oneliners and jokes in my head to make myself laugh when I'm bored. But if you were to sit next to me and you didn't know this. you'd think I was crazy because I will just start laughing for no reason, or I'll have a conversation in my head and respond in my head as different characters. 

I've always wanted to try stand up, but I have crippling stage fright. Which shouldn't happen because I've gotten over my fear of public speaches and joking with groups of people, but on stage... Huh uh! That's why I wanted to try youtube first and see if people respond. First get out there and start conquoring my fears. Doing what need to be done with no excuses and taking pictures. Maybe run a marathon, go for a lot of job interviews, talk to strangers, get a haircut, swim in deep dark creepy water, go out on a date since forever, do some freakin pullups with my shirt off in public. I know I need to get my freakin drivers license and get my lazy ass out of the house. 

Well that's enough about me. I really don't want hijack this thread to talk about myself. I'm just hoping by putting this information out there my friends on TAM and a bunch of anonymous internet people I will feel bad enough to do something about it and take accountability.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet if you talk anything like you type you would have no problem rambling for hours in front of a camera lol. Just pretend your having a conversation with your self or something.

Since you like talking to people about their relationship problems why don't you setup a relationship talk website with a youtube channel talking about your tips and tricks for a healthy relationship and question and answer panel. Dude you would be so good at it.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I didnt mention it because I was too embarrassed about the choice I was making, I didnt want to be lectured! I chose to continue with him because I was getting some needs met, and since he was being open about things, my eyes were open going in. BUT, then I found out that SHE had no idea, and that didnt sit well with me at all! T
> 
> I contacted her through one of the dating sites. I told her we had a man in common, that I knew how much he was lying to her and wanted to find out how much I was being lied to. I left my phone number and email, and she texted me before I even got out of bed this morning! Its been an interesting day!


Yeah you probably KNEW you were gonna get lectured (by me, no less!) Hahaha. So did you know about her the entire time? How long was he involved with her for? Did she say? Updates please!


----------



## RandomDude

MASSIVE ego boost from my new date... and it's already MASSIVE as it is... someone tell me I'm ugly or douchy or something! >.< I need my bubble popped before I get too big a head and start floating! Need both feet on the ground


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> MASSIVE ego boost from my new date... and it's already MASSIVE as it is... someone tell me I'm ugly or douchy or something! >.< I need my bubble popped before I get too big a head and start floating! Need both feet on the ground


You're ugly or douchy or something.


----------



## RandomDude

Ah much better  I think

... still floating


----------



## Dedicated2Her

What did she do to boost your ego so much?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah you probably KNEW you were gonna get lectured (by me, no less!) Hahaha. So did you know about her the entire time? How long was he involved with her for? Did she say? Updates please!


Yes, I knew about her, he started dating her in early November. Remember I got friend zoned, so when he first started seeing her and sleeping with her, he had stopped anything physical with me. Obviously that didnt last! He said that things with her were never going to be serious. Yet, he kept seeing her. And he kept seeing me, still labeling me "friend". Like she said, friends dont fvck, lol! She and I talked on the phone last night for almost two hours. She had bashed him big time, saying how out of his league she was and that she was slumming with him, playing him, using him, lol! Said all kinds of sh!tty things about him and we compared notes as to the things he did and told us, etc. I forwarded him some of her texts that she sent me so that he could see what she really thought of him, and I thought he was gonna cry! :smthumbup: I told him welcome to multi dating! LOL!! We women may tend to hate each other, but we also will have each others' backs when it comes to this sh!t, so I told him he has been forewarned!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Like she said, friends dont fvck, lol! She and I talked on the phone last night for almost two hours.


Oh man. Girl power. LOL. So did you end up with friends with her? LOL. 



3Xnocharm said:


> I forwarded him some of her texts that she sent me so that he could see what she really thought of him, and I thought he was gonna cry! :smthumbup: *I told him welcome to multi dating*! LOL!!


OMG

What did he say?! 



3Xnocharm said:


> We women may tend to hate each other, but we also will have each others' backs when it comes to this sh!t, so I told him he has been forewarned!



:rofl: It's amazing when comparing notes, right? Has she talked to him that you know of? Did she call him out, too? What has he said to you?

The player got played!


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Nsweet if you talk anything like you type you would have no problem rambling for hours in front of a camera lol. Just pretend your having a conversation with your self or something.


:rofl: :rofl:

Thanks for the laugh this morning. I don't know why, but this just cracked me up. 

Any yes, NSweet, I think you should get a youtube channel up too.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Oh man. Girl power. LOL. So did you end up with friends with her? LOL.
> OMG
> 
> What did he say?!
> 
> :rofl: It's amazing when comparing notes, right? Has she talked to him that you know of? Did she call him out, too? What has he said to you?
> 
> The player got played!


Oh yeah, she reamed him a new ass yesterday morning after our initial texts! He texted me whining about WHY did I contact her! Stop talking to her! :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I've always wanted to try stand up, but I have crippling stage fright.
> 
> That's why I wanted to try youtube first and see if people respond. First get out there and start conquoring my fears.


Do it. You only get one life. 



3Xnocharm said:


> Oh yeah, she reamed him a new ass yesterday morning after our initial texts! He texted me whining about WHY did I contact her! Stop talking to her! :rofl:


Oh my gosh! Yeah look at him now! Did you respond to him? Has she reached out to him again?

New story for you guys: good friend's cousin has a crush on me. We are in the same social circle sometimes so I see him and we text. I have made it clear I only see him as a friend like a thousand times. Most recently this weekend. Last night we are texting about the project I am working on and then suddenly I get a text saying "Hey I took these pics today, what do you think, friend?"

It was two pictures of him, fully naked, holding his erect d!ck. WTF? I told him he was totally inappropriate and I couldn't believe he did that and it was not ok and WTF. 

He backpedalled saying it was a joke and he was trying to be "funny" and that anyway he looked "small" in those pics. OMG.

I again reiterated how it was not funny to me and I found it disrespectful. End conversation.

I seriously cannot fathom sending pics like that to anyone, let alone someone who clearly isn't into me. WTF.
Wow. It must be a full moon lately.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

WTF? That dude has a screw loose. Did he think you were going to see the pics and throw yourself at him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

So was chatting with someone on POF for a bit who thinks I should get ahold of his friend who is divorced as he thinks we would have alot in common. Gave me his number to text him. I gave my number too. Says he mentioned me and that I should text him. I asked if it would seem creepy if some girl that he met on POF just started texting his friend out of the blue, lol. He assures me its ok. 

What do you guys think?


----------



## Jellybeans

TheGoodGuy said:


> WTF? That dude has a screw loose. Did he think you were going to see the pics and throw yourself at him?


Right? I still cannot believe he did that. It seems so insane. And totally turned me off.



vi_bride04 said:


> So was chatting with someone on POF for a bit who thinks I should get ahold of his friend who is divorced as he thinks we would have alot in common. Gave me his number to text him. I gave my number too.
> 
> What do you guys think?


Is this someone on POF that you have dated? It is a bit odd that someone is telling you to call their friend. Do you want to call? if so, have at it.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Do it. You only get one life.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh my gosh! Yeah look at him now! Did you respond to him? Has she reached out to him again?
> 
> New story for you guys: good friend's cousin has a crush on me. We are in the same social circle sometimes so I see him and we text. I have made it clear I only see him as a friend like a thousand times. Most recently this weekend. Last night we are texting about the project I am working on and then suddenly I get a text saying "Hey I took these pics today, what do you think, friend?"
> 
> It was two pictures of him, fully naked, holding his erect d!ck. WTF? I told him he was totally inappropriate and I couldn't believe he did that and it was not ok and WTF.
> 
> He backpedalled saying it was a joke and he was trying to be "funny" and that anyway he looked "small" in those pics. OMG.
> 
> I again reiterated how it was not funny to me and I found it disrespectful. End conversation.
> 
> I seriously cannot fathom sending pics like that to anyone, let alone someone who clearly isn't into me. WTF.
> Wow. It must be a full moon lately.


WHAT omg I couldn't even imagine lol!? LOL.....I mean I have had girls send me naked pics but we were at least messing around. 
I swear the world is so weird sometimes. WHO does that!?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Do it. You only get one life.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh my gosh! Yeah look at him now! Did you respond to him? Has she reached out to him again?
> 
> New story for you guys: good friend's cousin has a crush on me. We are in the same social circle sometimes so I see him and we text. I have made it clear I only see him as a friend like a thousand times. Most recently this weekend. Last night we are texting about the project I am working on and then suddenly I get a text saying "Hey I took these pics today, what do you think, friend?"
> 
> It was two pictures of him, fully naked, holding his erect d!ck. WTF? I told him he was totally inappropriate and I couldn't believe he did that and it was not ok and WTF.
> 
> He backpedalled saying it was a joke and he was trying to be "funny" and *that anyway he looked "small" in those pics.* OMG.
> 
> I again reiterated how it was not funny to me and I found it disrespectful. End conversation.
> 
> I seriously cannot fathom sending pics like that to anyone, let alone someone who clearly isn't into me. WTF.
> Wow. It must be a full moon lately.


So, SHARE!! :rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> So was chatting with someone on POF for a bit who thinks I should get ahold of his friend who is divorced as he thinks we would have alot in common. Gave me his number to text him. I gave my number too. Says he mentioned me and that I should text him. I asked if it would seem creepy if some girl that he met on POF just started texting his friend out of the blue, lol. He assures me its ok.
> 
> What do you guys think?


Ummmmm......what? That is odd. "Hey, my friend and you would have a lot in common. Why don't YOU text him?" NO. It should be..... I think my friend and you would have a lot in common. Would you mind if I shared your info with him and see if he would be interested in texting you?

Please don't text him.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> So, SHARE!! :rofl:


LOL I agree!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Do it. You only get one life.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh my gosh! Yeah look at him now! Did you respond to him? Has she reached out to him again?
> 
> New story for you guys: good friend's cousin has a crush on me. We are in the same social circle sometimes so I see him and we text. I have made it clear I only see him as a friend like a thousand times. Most recently this weekend. Last night we are texting about the project I am working on and then suddenly I get a text saying "Hey I took these pics today, what do you think, friend?"
> 
> It was two pictures of him, fully naked, holding his erect d!ck. WTF? I told him he was totally inappropriate and I couldn't believe he did that and it was not ok and WTF.
> 
> He backpedalled saying it was a joke and he was trying to be "funny" and that anyway he looked "small" in those pics. OMG.
> 
> I again reiterated how it was not funny to me and I found it disrespectful. End conversation.
> 
> I seriously cannot fathom sending pics like that to anyone, let alone someone who clearly isn't into me. WTF.
> Wow. It must be a full moon lately.


I send naked pics to girls I have crushes on all the time. :rofl: What? That didn't work?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Is this someone on POF that you have dated? It is a bit odd that someone is telling you to call their friend. Do you want to call? if so, have at it.


NO. I haven't gone on any dates yet. Just chit chatting, small talk getting to know you stuff. I told this guy my profession and he mentioned his friend does the same thing. Next day mentioned that he likes alot of the same things I do and thinks we would have more in common. 

So probably a nice way of saying I'm not his type? lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Ummmmm......what? That is odd. "Hey, my friend and you would have a lot in common. Why don't YOU text him?" NO. * It should be..... I think my friend and you would have a lot in common. Would you mind if I shared your info with him and see if he would be interested in texting you?*
> 
> Please don't text him.


Well thats how it went but he mentioned his friend does get busy and to go ahead and send him a text. 

So I did before I read your response. 

And he has replied already


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Well thats how it went but he mentioned his friend does get busy and to go ahead and send him a text.
> 
> So I did before I read your response.
> 
> And he has replied already


I wish someone would set ME up!


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I wish someone would set ME up!


No kidding me too! I am busy a lot and can be disconnected from the world other then business interactions for long stretches of time.

I was doing some running around this morning and was thinking that I haven't felt this good in a long time though. I am feeling pretty positive at the moment, feeling like my life is going in a good direction and I think I am ok being alone right now 
I thought I was going to just feel absolutely alone after my divorce was final but actually I feel the opposite, I feel liberated now that I am actually absolutely all alone.


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: It's amazing when comparing notes, right? Has she talked to him that you know of? Did she call him out, too? What has he said to you?
> 
> The player got played!


Reminds me of this...


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> So, SHARE!! :rofl:





Another Planet said:


> LOL I agree!


You guys are bad.

I like it.





Dedicated2Her said:


> I send naked pics to girls I have crushes on all the time. :rofl: What? That didn't work?





vi_bride04 said:


> So probably a nice way of saying I'm not his type? lol



Yep. But hey it sounds like you reached out to the guy so see what happens.

At this point my expectations of people are getting really low. I had the older guy who flaked on me after several dates (And it's really too bad for the older/grandpa guy cause he was totally going to get it. If you know what I mean); the social media guy who seems to only want something casual and now that I've run him off he won't stop messaging me and inviting me on trips with him; the d!ck pic guy (not that we ever dated/had anything which is what makes it even more creepy); and I onestly do not expect much greatness for the future. I might as well have fun w/ all this bullsh!t. If I keep my expectations low, then things will be good. 



Another Planet said:


> I was doing some running around this morning and was thinking that I haven't felt this good in a long time though. I am feeling pretty positive at the moment, feeling like my life is going in a good direction and I think I am ok being alone right now
> I thought I was going to just feel absolutely alone after my divorce was fina*l but actually I feel the opposite, I feel liberated now that I am actually absolutely all alone*.


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Awesome! Refreshing, isn't it? How long ago was the divorce?

I was so scared to get to the other side (Divorced/single) and now that I am here it's getting harder and harder to remember what it was like to be in a relationship. Plus all the stories we hear... uh, no thanks. I'm good.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> WHAT omg I couldn't even imagine lol!? LOL.....I mean I have had girls send me naked pics but we were at least messing around.
> I swear the world is so weird sometimes. *WHO does that!? *


The CRAZY.


----------



## unsure78

So I saw something on killer fb that I suspected before but wasn't a 100% on... so i have broken it off with him... it was fun while it lasted... if he had been honest I would have continued for a while just for the fun, but as a former BS I dont tolerate the lies.... I called him out, so he knew what I saw but was cool about not all crazy or anything ( luckily for me no feelings involved) hes been deleted and I dont think he will bother to respond to the text i sent him...

Be proud of me, this is the first time ive ever really broken off something with someone ( one or two dates dont count)


Me, my killer rack, and fantastic a$$ are starting over again...


----------



## Nsweet

Was I right about him or what? 

My douche detector is highly calibrated!


----------



## unsure78

I know Nsweet... you know I suspect stuff too... though i did fully enjoy the sex, dont regret it


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated... i checked out your photo album...you are a good looking guy! My flavor  ... I would totally date you btw but im glad you are in a great realtionship


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> So I saw something on killer fb that I suspected before but wasn't a 100% on... so i have broken it off with him... it was fun while it lasted... if he had been honest I would have continued for a while just for the fun, but as a former BS I dont tolerate the lies.... I called him out, so he knew what I saw


So what did you find out about it? Details! 



unsure78 said:


> Be proud of me, this is the first time ive ever really broken off something with someone ( one or two dates dont count)


Congrats! You are making great strides! Feels good, doesn't it? 



unsure78 said:


> Me, my killer rack, and fantastic a$$ are starting over again...


You really do have an amazing rack. 




Nsweet said:


> Was I right about him or what?
> 
> My douche detector is highly calibrated!


LOL "douche detector"... so what did you say about him that was right?"


----------



## Nsweet

Oh I'm sure you did unsure, and I'm glad you broke it off before he got too close and hurt you. 

I'm just going through what your friends feel when they have been telling you all along and finally get a chance to be right. It's like Family Guy - Black Woman In Hindsight - YouTube

:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Oh I'm sure you did unsure, and I'm glad you broke it off before he got too close and hurt you.
> 
> I'm just going through what your friends feel when they have been telling you all along and finally get a chance to be right. It's like Family Guy - Black Woman In Hindsight - YouTube
> 
> :rofl:


You know though i kinda knew what i was dealing with...


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> It's like Family Guy - Black Woman In Hindsight - YouTube
> 
> :rofl:


Surprisingy, that reminds me of my mother. She is almost NEVER wrong. Dammit!!!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> So what did you find out about it? Details!
> 
> 
> 
> Congrats! You are making great strides! Feels good, doesn't it?
> 
> 
> 
> You really do have an amazing rack.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> LOL "douche detector"... so what did you say about him that was right?"


lets just say its not to far off from 3x but I was the one not being told... i did suspect though... and from my days of CWI I have learned a few things like.. trust but verify... and he was dumb enough to keep an open fb profile... so of course I was looking


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> LOL "douche detector"... so what did you say about him that was right?"


He was a PLAYER! I could just tell from some of the things he said that raised some red flags with me. 

It's like I played the game myself long enough to know the rules, and then set out exposing these guys from then on. I know how they think and I can spot one from what someone tells me about their actions. 

I can also pinpoint the lady players (playettes) too, but they're a little harder to identify. Emotional abusers in any form are like chameleons or shape shifters that take on the personality and interests of their target and can be impossible to detect unless you know how to.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> lets just say its not to far off from 3x but I was the one not being told...


Ugh. Good on you to end it with him. AND to call him out. UGH.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> Awesome! Refreshing, isn't it? *How long ago was the divorce?*
> 
> I was so scared to get to the other side (Divorced/single) and now that I am here it's getting harder and harder to remember what it was like to be in a relationship. Plus all the stories we hear... uh, no thanks. I'm good.


Last Monday lol. Everyone has signed except the Judge, we asked if she could hold off until the end of the year so we could claim married status on taxes. But I asked my lawyer if it's done and he said yes there is no going back at this point.
But we haven't lived together since the end of June/ beginning of July.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> He was a PLAYER! I could just tell from some of the things he said that raised some red flags with me.
> 
> I know how they think and I can spot one *from what someone tells me about their actions. *


Educate us ladies, please.

Give us a list of The Player Actions.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Last Monday lol.


:rofl: Indeed! You feel so liberated and have only been D'ed a few days. Funny!  And congrats!


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> He was a PLAYER! I could just tell from some of the things he said that raised some red flags with me.


Care to cite a few examples?


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> Care to cite a few examples?


The one thing that made me question was that he wouldn't share intimate details with her like "how was your day" and stuff like that. He was purposely staying unconnected because he was playing the field.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Educate us ladies, please.
> 
> Give us a list of The Player Actions.


Awww, but I'm feeling lazy.

I don't want to go into too great of detail and make it a symptom checker. So I'll just tell you that these guys operate on the program as emotional abusers and move in super fast. They essentially love bomb you and just dope you up with affection and sex, and tell you everything you want to hear from day one.... Then they cut you loose and through a complicated cult-like psychology they keep you in the fog and pull you in when want you to make them feel good, then cut you lose to play with someone else. 

These guys are very hard to catch in the act because they emulate you and appear to be what you want most, they mimic you and parrot your likes and dislike. But you can easily keep them from playing games with you by putting the breaks on your relationship and giving them enough time to f*ck up and expose themselves in due time.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Awww, but I'm feeling lazy.
> 
> I don't want to go into too great of detail and make it a symptom checker. So I'll just tell you that these guys operate on the program as emotional abusers and move in super fast. They essentially love bomb you and just dope you up with affection and sex, and tell you everything you want to hear from day one.... Then they cut you loose and through a complicated cult-like psychology they keep you in the fog and pull you in when want you to make them feel good, then cut you lose to play with someone else.
> 
> These guys are very hard to catch in the act because they emulate you and appear to be what you want most, they mimic you and parrot your likes and dislike. But you can easily keep them from playing games with you by putting the breaks on your relationship and giving them enough time to f*ck up and expose themselves in due time.


Yep... that's what I was sort of expecting... it sounds an awful lot like the way the WWotMW hooked me in way back when.

So, here's the big question...

How do you tell the difference between a player and someone who is truly into you and genuinely shares your interests?

It seems to me, that very often, by the time you can tell the difference, it may already be too late... And if you get too paranoid about "too good to be true" partners, you'll likely end up throwing out the baby with the bath water.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> How do you tell the difference between a player and someone who is truly into you and genuinely shares your interests?


I think you really pay attention to their ACTIONS, not just their words. SURE, they SAY they are into what you are, but ARE t hey really? I think a lot of times we see red flags in the beginning but ignore them cause pesky "feelings" get in the way. Our intuion is totally there for a reason.

For instance, if a guy talks big game to me but doesn't follow up, then I know he's a flake. 

If a guy actually does what he says he will, I mark a point down on the scorecards.

If a guy goes off for a seemingly stupid reason, I walk.

If a guy talks me through what he feels and tells me if I did something upset him, then he gets a point.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Yep... that's what I was sort of expecting... it sounds an awful lot like the way the WWotMW hooked me in way back when.
> 
> So, here's the big question...
> 
> How do you tell the difference between a player and someone who is truly into you and genuinely shares your interests?
> 
> It seems to me, that very often, by the time you can tell the difference, it may already be too late... *And if you get too paranoid about "too good to be true" partners, you'll likely end up throwing out the baby with the bath water.*


Ah, but there in lies the question. How do you know when it's too good to be true? Easy, your instincts will tell you. 

With someone like this who's completely phony, you'll reach a point where in the back of your mind you're going "WTF... This doesn't feel right." And you'll feel like you're watching them performing lines with you for a script you don't know. 

These guys and gals are good, but they can't out act their true nature. And a lot of times you'll either catch them snapping and then reverting back to this too-good-to-be-true person, or else... One more thing I need to mention. 

The one thing I've noticed over and over with the playettes and female abusers is that they only have a limited amount of canned material on hand. Once you're with them for long enough you'll start to hear the same stories repeat over and over. And these are their date-bait stories they have practiced telling over and over again. 

Anytime you hear the same story about RED FLAGS, usually sex, drug use, or violence in tales structured to impress you. Anytime you either hear that or see them completely SNAP and revery back t normal like nothing ever happened.... RUN!


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Ah, but there in lies the question. How do you know when it's too good to be true? Easy, your instincts will tell you.
> 
> With someone like this who's completely phony, you'll reach a point where in the back of your mind you're going "WTF... This doesn't feel right." And you'll feel like you're watching them performing lines with you for a script you don't know.
> 
> These guys and gals are good, but they can't out act their true nature. And a lot of times you'll either catch them snapping and then reverting back to this too-good-to-be-true person, or else... One more thing I need to mention.
> 
> The one thing I've noticed over and over with the playettes and female abusers is that they only have a limited amount of canned material on hand. Once you're with them for long enough you'll start to hear the same stories repeat over and over. And these are their date-bait stories they have practiced telling over and over again.
> 
> Anytime you hear the same story about RED FLAGS, usually sex, drug use, or violence in tales structured to impress you. Anytime you either hear that or see them completely SNAP and revery back t normal like nothing ever happened.... RUN!


If only I'd known this 20 years ago... :lol:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Dedicated... i checked out your photo album...you are a good looking guy! My flavor  ... I would totally date you btw but im glad you are in a great realtionship


Thanks unsure, you are pretty awesome yourself.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Ah, but there in lies the question. How do you know when it's too good to be true? Easy, your instincts will tell you.
> 
> With someone like this who's completely phony, you'll reach a point where in the back of your mind you're going "WTF... This doesn't feel right." And you'll feel like you're watching them performing lines with you for a script you don't know.
> 
> These guys and gals are good, but they can't out act their true nature. And a lot of times you'll either catch them snapping and then reverting back to this too-good-to-be-true person, or else... One more thing I need to mention.
> 
> The one thing I've noticed over and over with the playettes and female abusers is that they only have a limited amount of canned material on hand. Once you're with them for long enough you'll start to hear the same stories repeat over and over. And these are their date-bait stories they have practiced telling over and over again.
> 
> Anytime you hear the same story about RED FLAGS, usually sex, drug use, or violence in tales structured to impress you. Anytime you either hear that or see them completely SNAP and revery back t normal like nothing ever happened.... RUN!


My rebound to a "t"......


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Dedicated... i checked out your photo album...you are a good looking guy! My flavor  ... I would totally date you btw but im glad you are in a great realtionship


I had to go and look after this, and I second this! D2H, you are HOT! :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> My rebound to a "t"......


My Ex to a "t"......


----------



## unsure78

oh on the upside my fun with killer has made the last ex bf, engy, who totally broke my heart, a distant memory.. so killer was good for something


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> I had to go and look after this, and I second this! D2H, you are HOT! :smthumbup:


Why, thank you very much. It is so nice to be happy, be fit, and just be myself again. I appreciate the kind words. Now, if I can continue to do the work to make the inside closer to the outside, I'll be good.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Ah, but there in lies the question. How do you know when it's too good to be true? Easy, your instincts will tell you.
> 
> With someone like this who's completely phony, you'll reach a point where in the back of your mind you're going "WTF... This doesn't feel right." And you'll feel like you're watching them performing lines with you for a script you don't know.
> 
> These guys and gals are good, but they can't out act their true nature. And a lot of times you'll either catch them snapping and then reverting back to this too-good-to-be-true person, or else... One more thing I need to mention.
> 
> The one thing I've noticed over and over with the playettes and female abusers is that they only have a limited amount of canned material on hand. Once you're with them for long enough you'll start to hear the same stories repeat over and over. And these are their date-bait stories they have practiced telling over and over again.
> 
> Anytime you hear the same story about RED FLAGS, usually sex, drug use, or violence in tales structured to impress you. Anytime you either hear that or see them completely SNAP and revery back t normal like nothing ever happened.... RUN!


Man, I wish I had known this. My ex exhibited some of these behaviors.
He told me he loved me 4 weeks in our relationship. He made me promise I would not cheat on him (because his ex had).
He got pissed at me because I did not kiss him on the first date..

Gosh, I was very broken at my young age!! I was very gullible and naïve! No wonder I have no desire to date...
Surprisingly, I do not regret our time together. I feel it is making me a stronger person. Oh! and it is making me face my inner demons  WIN!


----------



## angstire

ne9907 said:


> Man, I wish I had known this. My ex exhibited some of these behaviors.
> He told me he loved me 4 weeks in our relationship. He made me promise I would not cheat on him (because his ex had).
> He got pissed at me because I did not kiss him on the first date..
> 
> Gosh, I was very broken at my young age!! I was very gullible and naïve! No wonder I have no desire to date...
> Surprisingly, I do not regret our time together. I feel it is making me a stronger person. Oh! and it is making me face my inner demons  WIN!


X2 said I love you to me in three weeks. I felt so special because I had found epic love. If only I knew then what I know now.

Love bombing with affection, gifts, statements, etc. early in the relationship is one of the biggest red flags there is of duplicitous behavior. Angry outbursts and physical violence are horrible, but they are easy to see as red flags. The love bombing is too, but it exhibits as good characteristics, when it's just the opposite.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Awww, but I'm feeling lazy.
> 
> I don't want to go into too great of detail and make it a symptom checker. So I'll just tell you that these guys operate on the program as emotional abusers and move in super fast. They essentially love bomb you and just dope you up with affection and sex, and tell you everything you want to hear from day one.... Then they cut you loose and through a complicated cult-like psychology they keep you in the fog and pull you in when want you to make them feel good, then cut you lose to play with someone else.


Wow. My relationship with Chinless in a nutshell (no pun intended  ). 




Nsweet said:


> These guys are very hard to catch in the act because they emulate you and appear to be what you want most, they mimic you and parrot your likes and dislike. *But you can easily keep them from playing games with you by putting the breaks on your relationship and giving them enough time to f*ck up and expose themselves in due time.*


But that will only work if... 



Nsweet said:


> Ah, but there in lies the question. How do you know when it's too good to be true? Easy, *your instincts will tell you. *


you trust those instincts...and are then strong enough to act on them. 

That's where the old "Fool me one shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" comes into play. If we don't learn how we were attracted to/attractive to this kind of person in the first place, we'll undoubtedly end up with another one. 

We can easily be trained to distrust our instincts, and if you've just come out of a relationship with an emotional abuser, chances are you've been gaslighted and manipulated to the point of doubting your sanity, much less your instincts. So, that's why it's so important to take some time after ending a relationship to look at ourselves, not just our former partners. Learn why we did what _we_ did, where that came from, and how to fix it. AND THEN FIX IT. If we don't, then the next time this all happens again, we have nobody to blame but ourselves.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmmm love bombing and repeating the same stories....totally my ex. Even after almost 10 yrs together he would repeat the same sh!t over and over....I would even finish them for him I heard them so much.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

angstire said:


> X2 said I love you to me in three weeks. I felt so special because I had found epic love. If only I knew then what I know now.
> 
> Love bombing with affection, gifts, statements, etc. early in the relationship is one of the biggest red flags there is of duplicitous behavior. Angry outbursts and physical violence are horrible, but they are easy to see as red flags. The love bombing is too, but it exhibits as good characteristics, when it's just the opposite.


Ok, so am I a love bomber because I tend to fall in love really fast when it seems right to me? I fall fast and hard. :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, so am I a love bomber because I tend to fall in love really fast when it seems right to me? I fall fast and hard. :scratchhead:


Nah... just chose a worthy love 

This one is for you. I don't like Miley but I dig this song...

Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball - Lyrics - YouTube


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I love that song too, ne, thanks for that!


----------



## Jellybeans

3x... I have experienced lovebombers too and am now completely wary of them.

My advice to yo, since you said you fall fast, is to try to put your emotions on hold (easier said than done) and really evaluate the person's character before getting too far in or emotionally invested. People usually show you who they are pretty early (it could be little things--those tiny red flags or "warning" signs you see). Like w/ Mr. No Chem, the moment he told you he was involved with someone else, that was your cue to step off. The moment he told you he was not feeling the same, that was also your cue to step off. 

Sometimes we ignore t hes cues cause we have this idea in our head of how we wish a person was. We idealize them. We romanticize them. It is so silly. But we MUST listen to these warnings and take people at their face value.

Am still cracking up over here about d!ck pic guy. I didn't tell you guys but...he has a hat on in the picture. Why the hat when everything else is so...naked? 

(If you missed my story, go back a few pages). Lol

Omg.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> 3x... I have experienced lovebombers too and am now completely wary of them.
> 
> My advice to yo, since you said you fall fast, is to try to put your emotions on hold (easier said than done) and really evaluate the person's character before getting too far in or emotionally invested. People usually show you who they are pretty early (it could be little things--those tiny red flags or "warning" signs you see). Like w/ Mr. No Chem, the moment he told you he was involved with someone else, that was your cue to step off. The moment he told you he was not feeling the same, that was also your cue to step off.
> 
> Sometimes we ignore t hes cues cause we have this idea in our head of how we wish a person was. We idealize them. We romanticize them. It is so silly. But we MUST listen to these warnings and take people at their face value.
> 
> Am still cracking up over here about d!ck pic guy. I didn't tell you guys but...he has a hat on in the picture. Why the hat when everything else is so...naked?
> 
> (If you missed my story, go back a few pages). Lol
> 
> Omg.


Chippendale? Hats are sexy, at least he didn't put a bow on his chest!!! Early Christmas present ) haha

Speaking of pictures, east coast pen pal and I exchanged recent pictures. He went on and on and on about how beautiful and young I still look.
He also said "those lips. I remember kissing your lips"
haha. Make me blush and smile


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh I meant a hat on his head. Like, his real head, not the little one. LOL. 

East Coast guy - Flirting is so fun, right, NE?


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I meant a hat on his head. Like, his real head, not the little one. LOL.
> 
> East Coast guy - Flirting is so fun, right, NE?


yeah but I am getting bored already! He is pretty hot... Either I am getting bored or I am trying not to come in too fast.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> 3x... I have experienced lovebombers too and am now completely wary of them.
> 
> My advice to yo, since you said you fall fast, is to try to put your emotions on hold (easier said than done) and really evaluate the person's character before getting too far in or emotionally invested. People usually show you who they are pretty early (it could be little things--those tiny red flags or "warning" signs you see). Like w/ Mr. No Chem, the moment he told you he was involved with someone else, that was your cue to step off. The moment he told you he was not feeling the same, that was also your cue to step off.
> 
> Sometimes we ignore t hes cues cause we have this idea in our head of how we wish a person was. We idealize them. We romanticize them. It is so silly. But we MUST listen to these warnings and take people at their face value.
> 
> Am still cracking up over here about d!ck pic guy. I didn't tell you guys but...he has a hat on in the picture. *Why the hat when everything else is so...naked? *
> 
> (If you missed my story, go back a few pages). Lol
> 
> Omg.


Simple, JB -- he wanted to be your new hat! :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL. Literally! 

But I don't want that hat! No no no. I run from that hat!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> yeah but I am getting bored already! He is pretty hot... Either I am getting bored or I am trying not to come in too fast.


Flirty without the ability to touch can get slightly.......boring....or shall we say.....frustrating.


----------



## Jellybeans

Long distance is hard, NE


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Long distance is hard, NE


So.Fvcking.Hard.


----------



## hope4family

Dedicated2Her said:


> Flirty without the ability to touch can get slightly.......boring....or shall we say.....frustrating.


You can flirt so hard, so well, have so much unbearable chemistry. 

But if you "go for it" you are "moving to fast"? Anyone else have this happen. 

Then you read when people are going to slow, boring, frustrating. 

Where is the happy medium, or does medium even exist in this?


----------



## Dollystanford

Long distance is hard. But when you come together. Oh myyyyyyyy 

heh heh


----------



## badcompany

3x, I'm glad you blew that **** up and I was surprised you posted it on here, but good for you. (3x and I have been keeping tabs on each others success's and failures thru another venue) 

I've met a couple women that moved here from your area, it seems like your guys there are pigs in oranges and totally treat their women like crap.....is there a babe surplus there?


----------



## ne9907

Oh I can smell a player. I am definitely not very funny! He is like "haha you are so funny" to almost everything I say! 
I am too critical, right? But at least he is stroking my ego


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Oh I can smell a player. I am definitely not very funny! He is like "haha you are so funny" to almost everything I say!
> I am too critical, right? But at least he is stroking my ego


LOL I can't stand when people say I am funny, I always give them a who the fck are you talking to face. I might be sarcastic, witty, and charming but funny I am not! I can make you smile and laugh but not because I am funny.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> Oh I can smell a player. I am definitely not very funny! He is like "haha you are so funny" to almost everything I say!
> I am too critical, right? But at least he is stroking my ego


He's stroking something........


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> He's stroking something........


:rofl:

oh my!! I am blushing again lol


----------



## RandomDude

A player? Maybe he's just heavily infactuated


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> A player? Maybe he's just heavily infactuated


Oh yeah and definitely in love with me! haha...

I don't know, but this is making me feel happy. He has said he cant believe it has been so long since we saw each other, and that is very happy I got in touch with him. I am acting like a high school girl with a crush...

BTW He is not my high school sweet heart. yuck We are sort of acting like that though


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> 3x, I'm glad you blew that **** up and I was surprised you posted it on here, but good for you. (3x and I have been keeping tabs on each others success's and failures thru another venue)
> 
> I've met a couple women that moved here from your area, it seems like your guys there are pigs in oranges and totally treat their women like crap.....is there a babe surplus there?


I dont know about a babe surplus, but there is definitely a good man deficit!


----------



## angstire

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, so am I a love bomber because I tend to fall in love really fast when it seems right to me? I fall fast and hard. :scratchhead:


Love bombing is different than being affectionate or exhuberent. Love bombing involves mirroring and hides the sinister purpose of drawing in the prey.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Long distance is hard. But when you come together. Oh myyyyyyyy
> 
> heh heh


And even if it's not at the same time, it can still be pretty damned good. 

heh heh


----------



## whitehawk

Check this out.
Saw a movie the other night , some crazy, picked all his women up in supermarkets pretending to be shopping .
So there ya go , very acceptable . He could turn into a psycho but hey, no plans perfect.


----------



## whitehawk

Speaking of shopping encounters , l had another seriously cute one today.
But , what would you give to "know", what people are thinking when they smile back at you , like really smile . 
And what would you give to know their situation, are they going home to hubby or a bf and just out shopping and collecting the looks while they're at it, or what ? Hopping on TAM that night and telling their friends about the ego boost they got today ?

It was one of the big stores and she was over about 30ft away . l was seriously checking her out when she turned around with a very nice full and like held for awhile eye contact and smile .
So is that an l'm available and like the look of you too or just a thanks for the compliment ?
She looked too damn good to be going home alone !


----------



## whitehawk

Why aren't these things out in clubs and pubs , then you know what to do.
Well actually , probably because l don't go to any right now come to think of it :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Hey ns , when l was a painter l thought of doing a painting on you tube . Maybe filmed from the back while l worked . Maybe a whole series but they never see my face .
And then one day , when l had the huge following, build up, l finally turn around- but in a sorrow mask !

ps , or a broken up wk in the studio or somem like that.


----------



## Another Planet

So my ex was over this morning and I am looking at her and I just want to screw her brains out but I also hate her sooooo much and am so disgusted with her that I want someone to push her off a cliff so she can get the fck out of my life and rot in hell where she belongs.

I have a feeling this is going to be a rambling post.....

Anyway but then afterwards I was on my PC doing some work and had a youtube playlist going and some Alicia Keys song came on and it was some love song and I am just thinking man I miss being with someone so much, but then a realize I am absolutely terrified by the thought of being in a relationship again! I mean seriously mortified. 
I think I just don't want to have those awesome times that you have when you are in a relationship taken away from me again and all the pain that comes with it and then have to start all over again AGAIN!

Which kind of concerns me because I don't want to be alone for ever but I'm not to sure I can get over this terrified feeling.
Maybe it's a blessing though because I am definitely not desperate so that means no rushing into things I guess. Hopefully it doesn't make me to bitter or something.

By the way Alicia Keys is frkn smokin hot


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> So my ex was over this morning and I am looking at her and I just want to screw her brains out but I also hate her sooooo much and am so disgusted with her that I want someone to push her off a cliff so she can get the fck out of my life and rot in hell where she belongs.
> 
> I have a feeling this is going to be a rambling post.....
> 
> Anyway but then afterwards I was on my PC doing some work and had a youtube playlist going and some Alicia Keys song came on and it was some love song and I am just thinking man I miss being with someone so much, but then a realize I am absolutely terrified by the thought of being in a relationship again! I mean seriously mortified.
> I think I just don't want to have those awesome times that you have when you are in a relationship taken away from me again and all the pain that comes with it and then have to start all over again AGAIN!
> 
> Which kind of concerns me because I don't want to be alone for ever but I'm not to sure I can get over this terrified feeling.
> Maybe it's a blessing though because I am definitely not desperate so that means no rushing into things I guess. Hopefully it doesn't make me to bitter or something.
> 
> By the way Alicia Keys is frkn smokin hot


Yes, you will get past these panicky feelings. I think its your conscious protecting you right now, it knows that you need to heal from your last relationship. I never pictured myself EVER getting out there and trying again, believe me! But I'm doing it, and you will too, when you are ready.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So my ex was over this morning and I am looking at her and I just want to screw her brains out but I also hate her sooooo much and am so disgusted with her that I want someone to push her off a cliff so she can get the fck out of my life and rot in hell where she belongs.


Those are some very contradictory feelings. Lol.

I have a feeling this is going to be a rambling post.....



Another Planet said:


> I am just thinking man I miss being with someone so much, but then a realize I am absolutely terrified by the thought of being in a relationship again! I mean seriously mortified.
> I think I just don't want to have those awesome times that you have when you are in a relationship taken away from me again and all the pain that comes with it and then have to start all over again AGAIN!
> 
> Which kind of concerns me because I don't want to be alone for ever but I'm not to sure I can get over this terrified feeling.


Normal. It is going to take time. After all, you just got divorced on Monday. Lol. But yeah, how you feel... normal. It takes some healing and then you falling in love again. Love is always a risk.... sorry for you feeling sad but it gets better. Promise!



Another Planet said:


> By the way Alicia Keys is frkn smokin hot



Agree. She's a hottie.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, you will get past these panicky feelings. I think its your conscious protecting you right now, it knows that you need to heal from your last relationship. I never pictured myself EVER getting out there and trying again, believe me! But I'm doing it, and you will too, when you are ready.


:iagree:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Those are some very contradictory feelings. Lol.
> 
> Normal. It is going to take time. After all, you just got divorced on Monday. Lol. But yeah, how you feel... normal. It takes some healing and then you falling in love again. Love is always a risk.... sorry for you feeling sad but it gets better. Promise!
> 
> Agree. She's a hottie.


Yeah I am starting to think the sex is all we had, that and.....well yeah I am pretty sure that is all we really did have. I didn't realize it until I started talking to other women and actually having meaningful conversation with them that my wife and I really have nothing in common. Sucks but it's true.

LOL getting divorced was really just a piece of paper, we haven't been together for a looong long time mentally and physically so it was more like the final business deal to me. Maybe not to her cause she is a cakeeater so she was still losing something in the divorce but I was purging all my negative baggage lol


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> So my ex was over this morning and I am looking at her and I just want to screw her brains out but I also hate her sooooo much and am so disgusted with her that I want someone to push her off a cliff so she can get the fck out of my life and rot in hell where she belongs.
> 
> I have a feeling this is going to be a rambling post.....
> 
> Anyway but then afterwards I was on my PC doing some work and had a youtube playlist going and some Alicia Keys song came on and it was some love song and I am just thinking man I miss being with someone so much, but then a realize I am absolutely terrified by the thought of being in a relationship again! I mean seriously mortified.
> I think I just don't want to have those awesome times that you have when you are in a relationship taken away from me again and all the pain that comes with it and then have to start all over again AGAIN!
> 
> Which kind of concerns me because I don't want to be alone for ever but I'm not to sure I can get over this terrified feeling.
> Maybe it's a blessing though because I am definitely not desperate so that means no rushing into things I guess. Hopefully it doesn't make me to bitter or something.
> 
> By the way Alicia Keys is frkn smokin hot


I am known as the masters of rambling! rambling makes me special haha.

Sooooooo..... You know?? I sort of enjoyed the first part of your story, about screwing her brains out and having someone push her down a cliff! Very poetic! Would you laugh or cry as she is falling down to her death?


----------



## RandomDude

So it turns out my date told all the ladies on Friday that I was a player and to stay away from me yet gave me her number and kept me for herself -.-

Don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted or annoyed that such a thing transpired... bah!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I am known as the masters of rambling! rambling makes me special haha.
> 
> Sooooooo..... You know?? I sort of enjoyed the first part of your story, about screwing her brains out and having someone push her down a cliff! Very poetic! Would you laugh or cry as she is falling down to her death?


HIGH FIVE ne Yeah I can be pretty bad with rambling sometimes.

I am really not sure, probably laugh and cry. She is the mother of my children but then I hate her for that also. I can't believe my kids have to have her as an example of woman, I can't stand the thought my daughter might look up to her and my son will be looking for a woman like her.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> So it turns out my date told all the ladies on Friday that I was a player and to stay away from me yet gave me her number and kept me for herself -.-
> 
> Don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted or annoyed that such a thing transpired... bah!


Well if she is manipulative right of the line you're going to have to decide if that's something you can put up with or not. I like to say that I don't like drama but I get bored easy so I tend to gravitate toward at least slightly crazy.
And I kind of like clingy, plus guarding turf sometimes is a turn on...


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> So it turns out my date told all the ladies on Friday that I was a player and to stay away from me yet gave me her number and kept me for herself -.-
> 
> Don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted or annoyed that such a thing transpired... bah!


hmm sounds like a psycho in training...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> So it turns out my date told all the ladies on Friday that I was a player and to stay away from me yet gave me her number and kept me for herself -.-
> 
> Don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted or annoyed that such a thing transpired... bah!


Games, games, and more games.........


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> So it turns out my date told all the ladies on Friday that I was a player and to stay away from me yet gave me her number and kept me for herself -.-
> 
> Don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted or annoyed that such a thing transpired... bah!


Sounds like a huge game player to me...and manipulative


----------



## RandomDude

Well, she told me that herself (straight up), and claims innocence, and I don't know whether to believe her or not in that other women felt the same way - but she admitted in confirming their suspicions, and ruining my reputation (which she promised to fix) - but now I'm already claimed so guess she can.

Maybe it's fate, but if it's not, I have to admit I'm impressed


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> Well, she told me that herself (straight up), and claims innocence, and I don't know whether to believe her or not in that other women felt the same way - but she admitted in confirming their suspicions, and ruining my reputation (which she promised to fix) - but now I'm already claimed so guess she can.
> 
> Maybe it's fate, but if it's not, I have to admit I'm impressed



Are you that naive?


----------



## RandomDude

Well the date is new, I'm not going to jump to conclusions not to mention the evidence of the defence is enough to avoid the guilty verdict of game-playing (both the prosecution and defence have valid cases)... so just find it rather interesting.

Will see! Cute though, but offended


----------



## RandomDude

Regardless of whether she did it intentionally or not - guess that's something ladies can do, see someone you like but other girls are interested? Gossip (as you girls do) and tell them that he's a player, knocking out the competition except for those who call the bluff. Good game haha

Mmmm, wonder if she's any good at poker


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> Regardless of whether she did it intentionally or not - guess that's something ladies can do, see someone you like but other girls are interested? Gossip (as you girls do) and tell them that he's a player, knocking out the competition except for those who call the bluff. Good game haha
> 
> Mmmm, wonder if she's any good at poker


The way to see a person's true character in dating is to watch how she treats others. If she tells stories to get what she wants with others, she will do it to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

And, yes, my standards are very high. I won't tolerate that drama, and that is all it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Aye... that is true. The thing is she has been honest, so I'll see as time goes by, maybe she just got lucky and unintentionally scored. Not to worry fellas, both eyes still open 

A few times I suspected game-playing such as with my ex and how I suspected she got pregnant and made me marry her out of panic as I didn't believe in marriage (which is a RISKY game if she did play it). However, to this day I can never prove it. Regardless, yes, my ex was very manipulative, but she knew how to keep all her bases covered so I couldn't prove it.

Also the reason why I never confronted her with my suspicions of her infidelity as she had zero red flags and was always transparent. I hired PIs - and found nothing. In the end - she was always indeed honest, but who knows one's deepest darkest secrets (such as the baby bells that I can never prove)

I do hope this one isn't the same, but if she is - I wouldn't mind cunning (wife was very much an asset to my own ambitions) as long as it's not against me - my ex was quite selfish in getting her way over the years once we stopped working as a team. Meh I dunno, so far she seems too good to just waste as she has quite alot of qualities that I do admire.

I still believe my ex is a woman of quality and she does have a heart, but she's human. I hope my new date is better.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> And, yes, my standards are very high. I won't tolerate that drama, and that is all it is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good stuff.

I have come to the conclusion that moving forward, I will keep my standards high and my expectations super duper low. 

Cause...well, it's been comical.... the few "dating" experiments I've had.

Oh and d!ck pic guy hasn't at all reached out to me since I told him how inappropriate it was of him to send me pics of him naked...and his d!ck.


----------



## RandomDude

It's good to have high standards and expectations low but keep your hopes up. Well, that's what I'm doing anyway, maintaining positivity - positivity and attitude goes a long way for success.

Years ago when I did sales they taught us that if you take the word attitude, and use the letters based on its order of the alphabet; 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5, it equals 100. Hence a good attitude = 100%

I always found that fascinating


----------



## Dedicated2Her

The issue I have always had is that I want to believe the good in people. I am very positive and maintain a very fun and happy attitude. In dating, you HAVE to throw that out the window. 

That is why I have so many "deal breakers"......because emotionally, I love very hard, and I need something on the side to look at and remind myself of what I want/need to make non emotional decisions on dating and relationships.

Let me tell you, what that girl did RD, is selfish. She may have felt guilty for it later, but was it because she would be found out or because she wanted to come clean? Regardless, in the heat of the moment, she showed selfishness to get what she wanted. 

Meh. To each his own. Good luck with that one.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> So it turns out my date told all the ladies on Friday that I was a player and to stay away from me yet gave me her number and kept me for herself -.-
> 
> Don't know whether I should be flattered or insulted or annoyed that such a thing transpired... bah!


I don't like this, RD. 
How did you find out she told your friends you were a "player?" I wouldn't want to date someone or go out with someone again who I found out talked behind my back like that and yet was all sweet to me. Gross. And indicative of future behavior. Never date someone who slags you. 

Red flag, sir.


----------



## RandomDude

Dedicated2Her said:


> The issue I have always had is that I want to believe the good in people. I am very positive and maintain a very fun and happy attitude. In dating, you HAVE to throw that out the window.
> 
> That is why I have so many "deal breakers"......because emotionally, I love very hard, and I need something on the side to look at and remind myself of what I want/need to make non emotional decisions on dating and relationships.
> 
> Let me tell you, what that girl did RD, is selfish. She may have felt guilty for it later, but was it because she would be found out or because she wanted to come clean? Regardless, in the heat of the moment, she showed selfishness to get what she wanted.
> 
> Meh. To each his own. Good luck with that one.





Jellybeans said:


> I don't like this, RD.
> How did you find out she told your friends you were a "player?" I wouldn't want to date someone or go out with someone again who I found out talked behind my back like that and yet was all sweet to me. Gross. And indicative of future behavior. Never date someone who slags you.
> 
> Red flag, sir.


Well, the thing is:

She didn't tell my friends, she told her friends when they asked her what she thought me, and she believed I was a player.
Some of her friends went to the event to hook up where as she professed she was just there to keep her friends company. Either way she has a strong case in her defence, so I can't prove her guilty.

In the end though she's repairing my reputation among her friends who I met on that day but she definitely gained from it all - hence the suspicion. Besides, it's not the first time I gave such an impression (hence my thread on the ladies lounge), perhaps she only capitalised on it?

Very slippery case, and hard to prove the guilty verdict. I will be keeping an eye on things however, see how things play out.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol I can't believe this sparked a trial!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Lol I can't believe this sparked a trial!


It's TAM. And this is the Singles thread. It's full of crazy stories.
What else did you expect? We are looking out for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Some of her friends went to the event to hook up where as she professed she was just there to keep her friends company.


Bahahahahaha! I've heard this one. :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

lol, either way, I just find the whole thing funny and interesting


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> Lol I can't believe this sparked a trial!



Everything sparks a trial here, dude. We, on Tam, are the world's greatest psychological investigators. (outside of psychologists themselves)


----------



## RandomDude

Haha I'll kept that in mind 

Well, we'll see how it goes next week


----------



## Jellybeans

What kind of event was it?


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Everything sparks a trial here, dude. We, on Tam, are the world's greatest psychological investigators. (outside of psychologists themselves)


:iagree::rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Social get together for us ethnic heathens 

Much better than your usual singles events where there's no filter so the interest ratio is 1 in 100 rather than 1 in 5


----------



## unsure78

got to say Random i would stay away from that girl... bad signs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

But she be pretty! 
And she be sweet! 
And she be feeding honey in me ears! :rofl:


I'm just having fun and seeing how it goes guys 
Not like I'm in love or anything like that :slap:

... yet


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> So my ex was over this morning and I am looking at her and I just want to screw her brains out but I also hate her sooooo much and am so disgusted with her that I want someone to push her off a cliff so she can get the fck out of my life and rot in hell where she belongs.
> 
> I have a feeling this is going to be a rambling post.....
> 
> Anyway but then afterwards I was on my PC doing some work and had a youtube playlist going and some Alicia Keys song came on and it was some love song and I am just thinking man I miss being with someone so much, but then a realize I am absolutely terrified by the thought of being in a relationship again! I mean seriously mortified.
> I think I just don't want to have those awesome times that you have when you are in a relationship taken away from me again and all the pain that comes with it and then have to start all over again AGAIN!
> 
> Which kind of concerns me because I don't want to be alone for ever but I'm not to sure I can get over this terrified feeling.
> Maybe it's a blessing though because I am definitely not desperate so that means no rushing into things I guess. Hopefully it doesn't make me to bitter or something.
> 
> By the way Alicia Keys is frkn smokin hot



l'm lucky , l can't hate and screw at the same time :rofl: , thank God, l know l'd just feel disgusted with myself later anyway . 
Yeah l know that terrified feeling, think it's a biggie in being happy to just window shop right now , couldn't go there again.

Speakin of smokin, l still want Lucy Liu , damn it


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Speakin of smokin, l still want Lucy Liu , damn it


I want Garrett Hedlund! Universe, make it happen damn it!!!!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Charlize Theron for me.. Wow!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I just want a hug....


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I just want a hug....


If you're offering, I'd love a hug from you.


----------



## angelpixie

Awwwww....


----------



## Jellybeans

Hugs all around!



TheGoodGuy said:


> Charlize Theron for me.. Wow!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You, sir, have good taste in women.

To me, Charlize is the standard. She is such a class act. Beautiful, mysterious, and does her own thing.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*
STBX's gone apesh-t over OW, I should have just lied

Guess she underestimated my ability to move on, really can't believe she expected reconciliation to be a one way street. Meh


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> I had to google that kid. :scratchhead:


He is delicious, isn't he??


----------



## Another Planet

For those that were requesting some winter pics I put some on my profile from work this morning. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/another+planet-albums-work++misc-picture16841-003.jpg


----------



## Another Planet

My daily driver... the bosses truck and some trees being beat up by the ice storm


----------



## vi_bride04

The ice sucks!! Got some large tree limbs down. But I still have power so am thankful for that.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah it does. Lots of damage around here, not as bad as they forecasted luckily.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> My daily driver... the bosses truck and some trees being beat up by the ice storm


I cant see any of your pictures...


----------



## Another Planet

I have them set to private. I'll friend request you then you can ok


----------



## ne9907

thank you!!! I love the pictures, I really do love the snow


----------



## Ikaika

Another Planet said:


> For those that were requesting some winter pics I put some on my profile from work this morning.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/another+planet-albums-work++misc-picture16841-003.jpg


I have winter pics on my album, but no snow


----------



## Another Planet

I am sure I'll be putting more up as I have a ton and I also take a lot of pics lol


----------



## RandomDude

Ehehehehehe I love laughing with dates about their beta orbiters 

Feels good to know my game is SUPREME  











... touchwood


----------



## vi_bride04

Yay just lost power  ugh gonna be a cold night


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yay just lost power  ugh gonna be a cold night


Do you still have your exe's phone number?


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey happy birthday little bro - going to get yourself some hot lovin' to celebrate?


----------



## bandit.45

Just wanted to drop by and wish all of you a Happy Holiday season. Hope everyone has lots of fun and plenty of healthy Yuletide naughtiness!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Happy birthday Nsweet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Bandiiiiitoooooooo


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Hey happy birthday little bro - going to get yourself some hot lovin' to celebrate?











Thanks big sis.

I highly doubt it. I'm fixin to go to the dollar store for some caffeine pills, and I might run into a chance encounter there. But I'm not counting on it. 

Then again, almost every time I'm happy and not looking, I get hot sex a plenty with some woman who thinks I'm cute and/or funny. So we'll see....


----------



## ne9907

oh Happy Birthday Nsweet!!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Thanks big sis.
> 
> I highly doubt it. I'm fixin to go to the dollar store for some *caffeine pills*, and I might run into a chance encounter there. But I'm not counting on it.
> 
> Then again, almost every time I'm happy and not looking, I get hot sex a plenty with some woman who thinks I'm cute and/or funny. So we'll see....


WTF are you getting caffeine pills for!?! AND FROM THE DOLLAR STORE!?! Are you trying to kill yourself on your birthday from that Chinese junk?


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> WTF are you getting caffeine pills for!?! AND FROM THE DOLLAR STORE!?! Are you trying to kill yourself on your birthday from that Chinese junk?


Ummm WHAT!? Suicide? No. I ran out yesterday and the dollar store sells 30 100mg tabs of Jet-Alert. Not Chinese junk either. ECA doesn't work well without the C. And my workouts suck without the little jump start.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Ummm WHAT!? Suicide? No. I ran out yesterday and the dollar store sells 30 100mg tabs of Jet-Alert. Not Chinese junk either. ECA doesn't work well without the C. And my workouts suck without the little jump start.


No I don't mean suicide, I mean caffeine pills are bad. Honestly your better off doing a cycle of test man. Caffeine pills are really really bad for you. I use to be heavy in the BB thing 10 yrs ago, I know what you're thinking. 
Get your self some real honey and some real peanut butter and eat a tablespoon of both with a glass of water about 20-30 minutes before your workout...trust me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy birthday NSweet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, I know what I'm talking about too. Caffeine has to be cycled like all other stimulants or it leads to dependence, anxiety, sleeping problems, etc. Just like with coffee, energy drinks, or cola. The only difference between caffeine anhydrous and coffee or tea is that it hits you quicker and doesn't have any of the mellowing compounds like theanine. 

And in your little anti-caffeine rant I guess you missed that I'm taking caffeine, ephedrine, and aspirin together. That's right, burning white crosses. 5hr half life, intense energy for like the first two weeks, wicked fat loss, constant horniness (IDK why), killing PRs. 6 days a week, two weeks on, two weeks off, only for a few months at a time, at least 4-6 months off a year, monitoring blood pressure and temp every morning. 

I got this!


----------



## RandomDude

Happy birthday mate


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, I know what I'm talking about too. Caffeine has to be cycled like all other stimulants or it leads to dependence, anxiety, sleeping problems, etc. Just like with coffee, energy drinks, or cola. The only difference between caffeine anhydrous and coffee or tea is that it hits you quicker and doesn't have any of the mellowing compounds like theanine.
> 
> And in your little anti-caffeine rant I guess you missed that I'm taking caffeine, ephedrine, and aspirin together. That's right, burning white crosses. 5hr half life, intense energy for like the first two weeks, wicked fat loss, constant horniness (IDK why), killing PRs. 6 days a week, two weeks on, two weeks off, only for a few months at a time, at least 4-6 months off a year, monitoring blood pressure and temp every morning.
> 
> I got this!


OK brother glad you got it on lockdown! 
Why did I even question? I should have known you know what your doing lol 

For the record I still don't agree with stimulants but I have never dabbled in them either. Nutrition was always my main focus. 
And I would still rather do a cycle of T over caffeine.

We should talk BB some time, I'm getting the itch big time since my D.


----------



## vi_bride04

I keep getting "this thread is closed" when trying to reply with a quote.

Anyways, nsweet I would freeze to death before calling my ex!

Ooooh and happy birthday youngin'


----------



## Nsweet

Well I'm back. 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained... Fingers and toes are still numb from the cold. 

IDK what to say. Pretty much stopped caring about meeting anyone on my birthday. Got a smile from a cute chubby girl with tuberculosis... And an up, down, up again, stage downward left, away, back again, and visual cue for "huh uh" from a mature Mexican woman with two kids buying menstrual pads. 

Glad I stopped caring or this would bother me.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Well I'm back.
> 
> Nothing ventured, nothing gained... Fingers and toes are still numb from the cold.
> 
> IDK what to say. Pretty much stopped caring about meeting anyone on my birthday. Got a smile from a cute chubby girl with tuberculosis... And an up, down, up again, stage downward left, away, back again, and visual cue for "huh uh" from a mature Mexican woman with two kids buying menstrual pads.
> 
> Glad I stopped caring or this would bother me.


Good attitude to have 

I think I got hit on my a 19 year old girl the other day, either that or she got a girl crush on me. I did had a professional attire on.


----------



## vi_bride04

So in other news I think the FWB thing was a hoax...as in he really didn't kill himself.

People fvcking suck. Really. I'm so fed up with games and lying and bullsh!t. Like are there any decent people out there??!! Fvck. No wonder I'm apathetic...


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Like are there any decent people out there??!!


Sure are! You talk to one daily. :toast:


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> So in other news I think the FWB thing was a hoax...as in he really didn't kill himself.
> 
> People fvcking suck. Really. I'm so fed up with games and lying and bullsh!t. Like are there any decent people out there??!! Fvck. No wonder I'm apathetic...


wow.... my initial reaction was "Why would someone do that" but then I thought about attention seeking behavior. Maybe.
Or, if you saw the message on FB, it was more than likely a game.
I noticed a bunch of "death notices" going on people's profiles. 
I have to idea why. I think it was a game or something... rather stupid if you ask me.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> wow.... my initial reaction was "Why would someone do that" but then I thought about attention seeking behavior. Maybe.
> Or, if you saw the message on FB, it was more than likely a game.
> I noticed a bunch of "death notices" going on people's profiles.
> I have to idea why. I think it was a game or something... rather stupid if you ask me.


Supposedly it was a mass text sent out to all the contacts in his phone. But I haven't seen an obituary and I saw his online dating profile active as of 3 days ago. So yeah ...... People fvcking suck....


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Sure are! You talk to one daily. :toast:


Yes, you have proved to be a decent person through and through. Thanks for your friendship, Up  and by that I mean thank you for the 2x4s when I need them (especially lately)


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So in other news I think the FWB thing was a hoax...as in he really didn't kill himself.
> 
> People fvcking suck. Really. I'm so fed up with games and lying and bullsh!t. Like are there any decent people out there??!! Fvck. No wonder I'm apathetic...





vi_bride04 said:


> Supposedly it was a mass text sent out to all the contacts in his phone. But I haven't seen an obituary and I saw his online dating profile active as of 3 days ago. So yeah ...... People fvcking suck....


That's messed. I have had too many suicidal people in my life in the past. Not a good position to be in...sorry vi


----------



## vi_bride04

Yeah I don't feel it's something to fvck around with.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Supposedly it was a mass text sent out to all the contacts in his phone. But I haven't seen an obituary and I saw his online dating profile active as of 3 days ago. So yeah ...... People fvcking suck....


No. That's not it. He sent this message to you and you alone as a fake mass text for the sole purpose of guilting you into breaking NC and contacting him. I can almost guarantee he was hoping you would be so relieved that he didn't die that you would sleep with him. I know this because I'm a guy and that's the kinda BS we did as teenagers.


----------



## angelpixie

Happy Birthday, Nsweetie!! Don't just go out and get laid -- what you might end up catching is not the kind of birthday 'present' you want.


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> Just wanted to drop by and wish all of you a Happy Holiday season. Hope everyone has lots of fun and plenty of healthy Yuletide naughtiness!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Merry Christmas, Bandit!! ((hug))


----------



## whitehawk

Tell you what , for anyone looking it must be THE time to get out there right now. By God the girls are frisky :rofl: round here right now.

Although l have finally discovered where they're all hiding in my area , maybe that's it.
Started using one of our other towns l've never had much to do with before.
Talent , holy moly it's everywhere . Same town as that new supermarket l've just started using. Every time l go into this place l stumble over the nicest encounters,
They're even hiding in the hardware store in this place . Getting that way l can't wait to go shopping .

Over and out :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

> Like are there any decent people out there??!!


Sure, but they only like to show up when you aren't looking

It's like they are playing peek-a-boo!


----------



## whitehawk

They do to show up when you aren't looking don't they !
l'm still getting 3-4 emails every few days on my site and l'm up to l dunno how many offers out and about.
Guarantee ya if l was actually looking though the cupboard would be bare, just seems to be how it works.
Never know l guess, maybe a very special someone could pop up in some of this though because l'm not looking .

Guess when your feeling like this if someone does actually make you act then maybe your finally ready to rock.


----------



## unsure78

sorry a day late but Happy Birthday Nsweet 

Hi Bandito....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> No. That's not it. He sent this message to you and you alone as a fake mass text for the sole purpose of guilting you into breaking NC and contacting him. I can almost guarantee he was hoping you would be so relieved that he didn't die that you would sleep with him. I know this because I'm a guy and that's the kinda BS we did as teenagers.


Yup. I realize that. 

The games people play really make me sick. But like I said earlier, my spidey senses were tingling and I cut him off. 

Score 1 for vi in the post divorce world :smthumbup:


----------



## badcompany

whitehawk said:


> Tell you what , for anyone looking it must be THE time to get out there right now. By God the girls are frisky :rofl: round here right now.


+1 
I've been so busy with work and X-mas(shopping/wrapping/mailing) that I've ignored my dating site and of course I'm getting a bunch of interest.


----------



## vi_bride04

Saw this in another thread:

"You can either let the circumstances of your life carry you downstream according to the whim of the current or you can choose to take responsibility and navigate those waters at your discretion. And when you hit a rock, or run aground, you own it, correct it, learn from it, and adjust."

TAM always has things that really put things in perspective for me when I need it most. 

THANKS TAM FAM!


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Saw this in another thread:
> 
> "You can either let the circumstances of your life carry you downstream according to the whim of the current or you can choose to take responsibility and navigate those waters at your discretion. And when you hit a rock, or run aground, you own it, correct it, learn from it, and adjust."


_"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."_ *- Lewis Carroll *


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> So in other news I think the FWB thing was a hoax...as in he really didn't kill himself.


Omg. What was that about?



Nsweet said:


> I can almost guarantee he was hoping you would be so relieved that he didn't die that you would sleep with him.


That is really really stupid if it's true. Lol.



vi_bride04 said:


> TAM always has things that really put things in perspective for me when I need it most.
> 
> THANKS TAM FAM!


Hugs!


----------



## Jellybeans

I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.

I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, ti's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, moreso than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.

I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


----------



## badcompany

Jb, a lot of us are in the same spot and it sucks. I haven't slept good in countless months without someone beside me. I'm not going to go back to the mess I was in though, nor will I settle and have another "meh" relationship. Unfortunately it wasn't in the cards to have someone in my life thru the holidays and it is what it is.
I'd say maybe you needed to pursue him a bit after that 4th date, but it sounds like someone else did and it's too late.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.
> 
> I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, ti's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, moreso than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.
> 
> I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


I am not even alone this year and I'm down, I think it's just that the holidays suck. They are supposed to be a time of joy and giving but it usually just is a whole lot of work and obligations :/ anyways JB, I think my gf is OK with me sending tam friends emoticons so for what it is worth: 😉


----------



## unsure78

sorry jelly... i know how you feel :-( I dont know the last time i had a great holiday
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

so i have a date meeting for a drink on friday... special agent hat, whats with me and guys who carry guns or kill lately....lol

slow hat is still around.. still being slow
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> so i have a date meeting for a drink on friday... special agent hat, whats with me and guys who carry guns or kill lately....lol
> 
> slow hat is still around.. still being slow
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thought slow hat was already history? Or just wants to be friend zoned?


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks for all the replies and kind words.



badcompany said:


> Jb, a lot of us are in the same spot and it sucks. I haven't slept good in countless months without someone beside me.


Aw. I hope you get some good sleep soon.



Lon said:


> They are supposed to be a time of joy and giving but it usually just is a whole lot of work and obligations :/ anyways JB, I think my gf is OK with me sending tam friends emoticons so for what it is worth: &#55357;&#56841;


Thanks though I could not see the emoticon. It's just a square. What was it supposed to be?



unsure78 said:


> sorry jelly... i know how you feel :-( I dont know the last time i had a great holiday
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I hope your holiday/new year is much better. 



unsure78 said:


> slow hat is still around.. still being slow
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have fun on your date Friday. Yeah I thought slow hat was history, too? Are you reconnecting w/ him?

My older guy is my own "slow hat." Maybe he thought I was too young for him? I really liked him a lot and thought he was into me... Why go on four dates if you're not into it? Why kiss me for two hours straight (it was amazing)? That is a long make out session of kissing! I was considering reaching out to him and shooting him a message. Though it's been a month since our last contact. What do you guys think? Should I say something or not?


----------



## unsure78

sigh.... slow hat always comes back around... problem is i really and trully connect with him... i dated killer for almost 2 months fair amount of time spent together... no real feelings for him beyond lust... slow hat we have such a great time together... he came over friday night we watched a movie, cuddled (he cuddled back this time), and just laughed our asses off... we have spent virtually no time togther and i walk away smitten with him everytime. long story short today he admitted it takea him a long time to warm uo to someone. That being said im still dating others until i get the level of commitment and time i would.like from him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

jelly, i would let yours go... of hes not reaching out hes not interested... if my slow hat didnt keep reaching out he would be history by now... hahaha i say that after after ive deleted him lke 5 times saying im done with.him... on second thought dont listen to me at all...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.
> 
> I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, it's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, more so than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.
> 
> I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


This happens to everyone in late December. You can sense the years end coming up and take time to reflect at one year ends and another one begins. It's just part of life. Think of it like looking back on a sh!tty week you had on Sunday. You know tomorrow will bring opportunity, but right now reflection isn't such a bad thing. 

Why are you stalking your not-even-ex? Come on, you know the 180 rules. He just wasn't that into you and there's nothing you can do about it. But looking at his facebook is just going to bring you false hope, schadenfreude, or sorrow. You never win by stalking exes. 

Is it that you're sad because you're alone, or you alone because you're sad. Do you think you give off a vibe that repels men? Where as bright and bubbly or calm and smiley Jellybeans might find her cup runneth over with single guys approaching her to have someone this holiday season. 

JB, time spent reflecting on the past and grieving the loss of relationships is actually a good thing. But don't let it ruin your holidays this year. You have every right to feel down in the dumps if that's where you want to be, but you also have the choice to set aside those feelings and at least try to make yourself happy or distract yourself for even a little while. When you find yourself feeling alone go spend time with other people. It's like that theory about how humans are the only animals that cage themselves and go crazy from a lack of socialization and touch. When in doubt, get out. And fake it till you make it.... Usually your problems won't seem nearly as bad if you act happy around new people and save those thoughts for later when you can TAM or journal.

^^And this is all advice I've taken time and time again. Even yesterday when I was feeling down on my birthday/anniversary I dropped the pity party whenever anyone called and acted happy. And their reactions bounced off of mine. Going back to feeling alone wasn't so bad after that. I still felt a little blue but not nearly as bad as I would if I had ruminated off of those thoughts for hours and hours. And it's really not that bad anyways, *at least I'm happier being single now and I got to experience marriage when some people never do. *

This tactic is also what I used a lot when dating and working a sh!tty job in the Navy. My bad day, loneliness, family problems, and depression over a few bad cheating ex gfs ended when I took my boots off at the end of the day and was forgotten about whenever I went out or picked up the phone... So I could be that guy that was always there to hear your bad day, tell you in one way or another "everything is going to be ok", and cheer you up a little. I know it sounds weird but I seemed to naturally be good at it.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> sorry a day late but Happy Birthday Nsweet
> 
> Hi Bandito....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey Unsure!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> Bandiiiiitoooooooo


Cheers Dolly-do!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Merry Christmas, Bandit!! ((hug))


Merry Christmas Angel ! (Hug back)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> sigh.... slow hat always comes back around... problem is i really and trully connect with him... i dated killer for almost 2 months fair amount of time spent together... no real feelings for him beyond lust... slow hat we have such a great time together... he came over friday night we watched a movie, cuddled (he cuddled back this time), and just laughed our asses off... we have spent virtually no time togther and i walk away smitten with him everytime. long story short today he admitted it takea him a long time to warm uo to someone. That being said im still dating others until i get the level of commitment and time i would.like from him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You might not ever get that commitment from him, unsure. It takes him a long time to warm up? Like what? Years?

I don't get it. If I am going to cuddle, I'm dang sure going to take it to the next level. Must just be a personality thing. Go 100% or none at all.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.
> 
> I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, ti's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, moreso than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.
> 
> I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


JB, all things come together in the right time. Relax. Love yourself and celebrate who you are for the holidays. Be thankful that you have this time to develop into what you were created to be. Gratitude.....it heals the core.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone! I'm far away from home at my parents house for Christmas with my kids. Second year of doing this. Last Christmas was my best ever. This one is turning out to be just as fantastic. 

There are negatives to divorce, and then there are positives. I always spent Christmas with the ex and her family. Well, now, my kids get to be around my parents. We have a fire, christmas music, and a frosty beverage. LIFE IS GOOD!


----------



## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> You might not ever get that commitment from him, unsure. It takes him a long time to warm up? Like what? Years?
> 
> I don't get it. If I am going to cuddle, I'm dang sure going to take it to the next level. Must just be a personality thing. Go 100% or none at all.


So noted


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Conrad said:


> So noted


I sure am not the same guy that showed up to TAM......LOL


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.
> 
> I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, ti's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, moreso than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.
> 
> I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


Sorry JB, me too on the sadness this week. Not tears, but enough to be sad and missing having someone to share it with. 

A little hipster Christmas song for you, melancholy and joyful and a little of everything. It's my new favorite Christmas song and has been for a few years. I hope you like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UX8VZgPBp0


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup. I realize that.
> 
> The games people play really make me sick. But like I said earlier, my spidey senses were tingling and I cut him off.
> 
> Score 1 for vi in the post divorce world :smthumbup:


I'm gonna throw out a Charlie Sheen, "Winning!" on this one. Nice job.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Conrad said:


> So noted


Are you single now? Posting in the singles thread and all


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Are you single now? Posting in the singles thread and all


Oh boy.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.
> 
> I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, ti's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, moreso than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.
> 
> I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


aw, I am sorry Jelly. I am a bit sad and just very aggravated and every little thing sets me off!!! 
I should be ever so grateful that I have my family to celebrate Christmas but I am still a bit sad.
the other day, I dreamt about my ex, it was a bittersweet dream. Even if he would offer me everything I have ever wanted from him, I would not go back to him. I know we cannot make it work.
It is very sad.
We all will be fine, be good to yourself Jelly! If you are lonely, look at the moon and smile!~ Show the universe how crazy happy you will be one day!
Hugs to you!!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angstire said:


> I'm gonna throw out a Charlie Sheen, "Winning!" on this one. Nice job.


Thanks.  I need my driveway plowed btw.....lmao !!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> aw, I am sorry Jelly. I am a bit sad and just very aggravated and every little thing sets me off!!!
> I should be ever so grateful that I have my family to celebrate Christmas but I am still a bit sad.
> the other day, I dreamt about my ex, it was a bittersweet dream. Even if he would offer me everything I have ever wanted from him, I would not go back to him. I know we cannot make it work.
> It is very sad.
> We all will be fine, be good to yourself Jelly! If you are lonely, look at the moon and smile!~ Show the universe how crazy happy you will be one day!
> Hugs to you!!


Today I watched a home movie of my S11's 3rd bday party. It was the first time I have ever seen something like that, and I felt nothing seeing my ex on video. Nothing. It was a joy to watch it with s11 and laugh it up over his expressions and actions. Do the work........it helps over time.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Thanks.  I need my driveway plowed btw.....lmao !!


We either need it plowed or need to plow.....pick your poison.


----------



## angelpixie

Dedicated2Her said:


> We either need it plowed or need to plow.....pick your poison.


Ha! This is an upper-Midwest wintertime win! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

angstire said:


> Sorry JB, me too on the sadness this week. Not tears, but enough to be sad and missing having someone to share it with.
> 
> A little hipster Christmas song for you, melancholy and joyful and a little of everything. It's my new favorite Christmas song and has been for a few years. I hope you like.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UX8VZgPBp0



Ooohh, Sufjan! *swoooon*


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> Ooohh, Sufjan! *swoooon*


Calm down missey....lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling down lately, guys. Like, just sad which is totally weird for me cause I am generally pretty happy. Just lots on my mind.
> 
> I was thinking about my exH, how I was married and am not now and am single. Then I was thinking about the ghost guy who prob only wanted to hook up so I told him I wasn't interested because he only resurfaces and can't keep his word. *Then I thought about the older guy I went on the four dates with who we didn't talk much after that, ti's been a bit over a month now and he was the one I was really attracted to and I think...why no contact since? WTF? I thought he liked me and I felt a lot of chemistry with him, moreso than I have w/ anyone else. I saw on his FB he is traveling a bit and some girl posted a winky face under his last status and that made me sad. I want him to winky face me! LOL. Why go out on four dates and kiss me so ooh la la passionately only to sort of fade off? I really wanted to sleep with him and when he looked at me, I got all girly-feeling.*
> 
> I was at home alone yesterday thinking that I miss I had a partner to share my life with. It got me down. Being down during the holidays sucks.


Jelly, I SO understand about this part! I went through the same thing with Mr NoChem. I mean, we were together five times in less than three weeks from our first date! In MY world, you only do that with someone that you REALLY like! I thought, wow, this guy really likes me, and I actually really like him! I mean, if you arent feeling it for that person, then why do this? 

I have three different guys lined up for dates after Christmas. But it just sucks, because I still have such strong feelings for you know who.  I guess I am hoping for a knock your socks off kind of connection with someone, so that I can shake this.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Jelly, I SO understand about this part! I went through the same thing with Mr NoChem. I mean, we were together five times in less than three weeks from our first date! In MY world, you only do that with someone that you REALLY like! I thought, wow, this guy really likes me, and I actually really like him! I mean, if you arent feeling it for that person, then why do this?
> 
> I have three different guys lined up for dates after Christmas. But it just sucks, because I still have such strong feelings for you know who.  I guess I am hoping for a knock your socks off kind of connection with someone, so that I can shake this.


It totally sucks losing a good connection


----------



## RandomDude

Non-animal lover... dealbreaker


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> You might not ever get that commitment from him, unsure. It takes him a long time to warm up? Like what? Years?
> 
> I don't get it. If I am going to cuddle, I'm dang sure going to take it to the next level. Must just be a personality thing. Go 100% or none at all.


So agree on the first part. It could just be off-timing, Unsure. Is he recently out of a relationship? That could be why he's moving as slow as molasses. Lol about the cuddling, Dedicated.



Dedicated2Her said:


> Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone! I'm far away from home at my parents house for Christmas with my kids.
> 
> There are negatives to divorce, and then there are positives. I always spent Christmas with the ex and her family. Well, now, my kids get to be around my parents. We have a fire, christmas music, and a frosty beverage. LIFE IS GOOD!


This is great! That is so nice your kids and you are getting to spend time with your family! Very cool! I bet your parents are so happy to have you there. 



3Xnocharm said:


> In MY world, you only do that with someone that you REALLY like! I thought, wow, this guy really likes me, and I actually really like him! I mean, if you arent feeling it for that person, then why do this?


Agreed. And that is because I personally will not go out with a guy that much on dates if I am not into him. If I am not feeling it so early on and nothing is changing, I simply tell him I am not interested in pursuing it further. Because honesty is kind of common courtesy, you dig? Sheesh!



3Xnocharm said:


> I guess I am hoping for a knock your socks off kind of connection with someone, so that I can shake this.


Aww. That is why it's good you cut it off with No Chem. Wait, have you heard from it at all since you blew up his scheming ways w/ the other chick? Update, please! For me, it's rare I have that super chemistry/connection with someone so that is why it's kind of annoying/frustrating that older guy sort of faded off. I thought he thought of me the same? Why kiss me for two friggin hours and keep asking me out if not into me. I like to think my kisses were lovely if it went on for that long! Lol. 

Angst--LOVED that song on Youtube. Just played it! Thanks.

Nene--don't get down. At least you have all these young guns hitting on you everywhere you go. LOL! That should liven up your spirit!

ViBride--good for you on listening to that spidey sense. Sometimes we want to ignore it cause we like someone but gut instinct and all of that is super duper important and a big deal and can serve as a protective measure. 

2gals--I haven't heard of Lulu but have def heard of Tinder. Not interested. LOL. When I was in the Bay area last week, we kept seeing people randomly hooking up and thought "I wonder if they are Tinder'ing." It became a big joke in my group of friends. Hahaha. 

I do feel better today, guys. Last night, I went to my parents' house and got to spend time with my mom who I adore (and really felt like I was missing--funny how that happens even in your thirties), my dad, and my bro and sis who were also over there. Family.  So I am still not totally into the Xmas spirit yet and havent begun Xmas shopping (don't laugh)! but may feel better after doing so. Haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Is it that you're sad because you're alone, or you alone because you're sad. Do you think you give off a vibe that repels men? Where as bright and bubbly or calm and smiley Jellybeans might find her cup runneth over with single guys approaching her to have someone this holiday season. .


Well, it's very atypical for me to feel down/sad. I am generally a happy/bright person so I don't think it's that. And sure, I may not meeting the most quality guys right now but if I really think about it, men do hit on me. I mean, I had a guy thinking it was cool to send me pics of his junk last week. Did I want to see it? No. But it's funny to think someone would think that would turn me on (it didn't). LOL. Poor thing actually texted me asking how my weekend was. I didn't respond. Hahaha. So yeah I do get hit on by guys so I am not man-repellent, you know?



Nsweet said:


> And it's really not that bad anyways, *at least I'm happier being single now and I got to experience marriage when some people never do. *


Great post, Nsweet. I agree that what you put out there comes back to you. So if you are in a good mood, people pick up on it and can respond in kind. Also agree with you on the fact that eventhough I am divorced, I am happy I was able to experience a marriage and a big love. Some people never do. 

And another dude friend from way back in the day texted me last night. We were good friends who went to our homecomings together. He is visiting his parents and found his old sketchbooks. He was big on drawing and I was a writer in high school. Anyway he found these old things I wrote and took a pic of it and sent it to me saying to look at what he'd just found...my writings in his book and then said "I should have proposed. Sigh." It made me smile. Funnily enough, that guy today works as a drawing artist for Nickelodeon cartoons and I do some freelance writing. We have become and do what we were when we were kids/teens. That is a fun thought.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> So agree on the first part. It could just be off-timing, Unsure. Is he recently out of a relationship? That could be why he's moving as slow as molasses. Lol about the cuddling, Dedicated.


I'm just saying, JB. If I have enough of a connection to be cuddling with someone, I'm going to invest in them. It takes me a little while to cuddle, though. I don't get physical unless I'm really moving forward. I'm one of those guys that has an extreme association with the emotional in addition to the physical. I can't get intimate without the emotional. Then, well........it gets real.



> This is great! That is so nice your kids and you are getting to spend time with your family! Very cool! I bet your parents are so happy to have you there.


They are. My parents are definite winners in divorce. They get to see my kids more on holidays. We did gingerbread houses last night. Today, we are making mini apple pies for tomorrow, and I will be cooking a paleo chicken/sausage/crawfish jambalaya. I know. It is untraditional, but it works for us this year.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm just saying, JB. If I have enough of a connection to be cuddling with someone, I'm going to invest in them. It takes me a little while to cuddle, though. I don't get physical unless I'm really moving forward. I'm one of those guys that has an extreme association with the emotional in addition to the physical. I can't get intimate without the emotional. Then, well........it gets real.


I hear you. I am the same way.



Dedicated2Her said:


> They are. My parents are definite winners in divorce. They get to see my kids more on holidays.


Haha awesome! Sounds like your dinner is going to be great. Mini apple pies? Sweet!


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Non-animal lover... dealbreaker


:iagree:

In my experience, how people treat/view animals is pretty close to how they treat people.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hope everyone has a good xmas eve. 

I'm stuck at work today, then going to a gf for delicious ham dinner and to play some Magic the Gathering and hopefully euchre. Tomorrow is coney island breakfast if I can find a place open and then the movies. 

I am dragging ass today...holy hell. Closed the bar out last night and didn't go to bed until 4am. bah. I need a nap.


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm stuck at work today, then going to a gf for delicious ham dinner and to play some Magic the Gathering and hopefully euchre.


Have you ever played the likes of Munchkin, Fluxx, Chrononauts, or Ninja Burger?

Oh, and if you like Magic: The Gathering... Try Card Hunter.

:smthumbup:


----------



## badcompany

We'll I'm communicating with a gal that is CBP at the border and another that is an Optometrist both are hotties Maybe we'll have a save!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> aw, I am sorry Jelly. I am a bit sad and just very aggravated and every little thing sets me off!!!
> I should be ever so grateful that I have my family to celebrate Christmas but I am still a bit sad.
> the other day, I dreamt about my ex, it was a bittersweet dream. Even if he would offer me everything I have ever wanted from him, I would not go back to him. I know we cannot make it work.
> It is very sad.
> We all will be fine, be good to yourself Jelly! If you are lonely, look at the moon and smile!~ Show the universe how crazy happy you will be one day!
> Hugs to you!!


7 million likes NE
I am right there with you, I don't know why but I am very aggravated right now. I literally feel right on the edge of freaking out at any second. It sucks because I really want to be happy and hang out with my family and have a good time but I find myself hiding away so I don't be an ahole to anyone. 
I was out working this morning and I found myself getting pissed off cause I have to spend another holiday alone, I thought I would never have to go through this ever again.
I thought I would be ok through the holidays but here I am all upset.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hope everyone has a good xmas eve.
> 
> I'm stuck at work today, then going to a gf for delicious ham dinner and to play some Magic the Gathering and hopefully euchre. Tomorrow is coney island breakfast if I can find a place open and then the movies.
> 
> I am dragging ass today...holy hell. Closed the bar out last night and didn't go to bed until 4am. bah. I need a nap.


You play Magic? That's very interesting. I use to play years ago. Euchre now that happens a couple times a month if I can swing it, the guys come over and we play all night some times.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Have you ever played the likes of Munchkin, Fluxx, Chrononauts, or Ninja Burger?
> 
> Oh, and if you like Magic: The Gathering... Try Card Hunter.
> 
> :smthumbup:


I have played Munchkin and Fluxx. Fun games. Another good one. although not very strategic is Cards Against Humanity! Best drunk card game ever besides euchre. 



Another Planet said:


> You play Magic? That's very interesting. I use to play years ago. Euchre now that happens a couple times a month if I can swing it, the guys come over and we play all night some times.


Yes I do play Magic. Usually only in the winter...I have a pretty mean black & green zombie/saproling deck 

It seems rare to find anyone who plays euchre anymore. I remember playing in Yahoo Games years ago and most euchre players were from MI or OH. lol


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I have played Munchkin and Fluxx. Fun games. Another good one. although not very strategic is Cards Against Humanity! Best drunk card game ever besides euchre.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes I do play Magic. Usually only in the winter...*I have a pretty mean black & green zombie/saproling deck*
> 
> It seems rare to find anyone who plays euchre anymore. I remember playing in Yahoo Games years ago and most euchre players were from MI or OH. lol


That is funny hearing you say that 
I couldn't even try to say that I am current in Magic. I am sure rules have changed quite a bit in 15 yrs lol
I gave all my cards away to my brother and my kids. I also had a killer black and green deck, my shining star was a black and red deck


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> I have played Munchkin and Fluxx. Fun games. *Another good one. although not very strategic is Cards Against Humanity! Best drunk card game ever *besides euchre.


Yes, I can vouch for this, too. I hope to be playing it at a big white elephant holiday party on the 28th. 

I'm working from home today (did yesterday, too) because DS is out of school and he's with me til tonight. At 8, I'll take him to Chinless & Trampire's, then I'll get him back tomorrow around noon-1 p.m. until 8-9 p.m. Then back to work on Thursday. It will be my first Christmas Eve alone. Kinda sucks. But it is what it is. At least I get DS for Christmas Eve and Day dinners. I know it's because The Glitter Twins are entertaining tonight, and want romantic alone time tomorrow, but if that gives me extra time with DS, that's OK.  

And I'm kind of behind on getting his gift finished and on wrapping his gifts from my family, so that's probably what I'll be doing all night anyway. 

Merry Christmas to all the TAM Singles! A toast to all of us that our lives just keep getting better and better. :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Merry Christmas to all the TAM Singles! A toast to all of us that our lives just keep getting better and better. :smthumbup:


Lets hope....

Got word today that my grandpa on my dad's side passed away last night in his sleep

Also had a one on one with my boss, I was told the software I support doesn't seem to be the best technology for the way the company is going. "Read between the lines" is how I felt in the meeting...

Merry Xmas!


----------



## angelpixie

Oh no, Vi! I'm sorry about your grandpa, may he rest in peace.  

As for your job, hopefully there can be some retraining? Will they have to replace that software with something else that you could work with? I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. ((hugs))


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Lets hope....
> 
> *Got word today that my grandpa on my dad's side passed away last night in his sleep*
> 
> Also had a one on one with my boss, I was told the software I support doesn't seem to be the best technology for the way the company is going. "Read between the lines" is how I felt in the meeting...
> 
> Merry Xmas!


Sorry to hear about your grandfather. 

I hope things work out for your work place situation.


----------



## ne9907

For all of you


----------



## Jellybeans

So sorry about Grandpa, Vi. It's comforting though to know that he went in the most peaceful way one can go. Hugs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Meaning no disrespect, but carrying on from a previous post, I saw this on FB tonight:


----------



## Jellybeans

Wishing all of you a very beautiful and Merry Christmas! 










Ya know, a few days ago I was feeling a little sad, lonely, and not into the holiday but this morning I woke up and was happy to have my quiet house to myself.  I slept in, took a long hot shower, am drinking a hot yummy Italian coffee I made and listening to Christmas music. I would not at all be able to do any of this had I gone to my parents' house early today because my family is a loud, crazy bunch. LOL. Soon though I will get ready to go over there.

Enjoy the day, everyone!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

angelpixie said:


> Meaning no disrespect, but carrying on from a previous post, I saw this on FB tonight:


I haven't had the opportunity to plow since last week......soon, very soon. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Merry Christmas, TAMily! Just finished wrapping DS' gifts from me and my dad (he sends them to me unwrapped, lol). Not quite done sewing one of them, but I'll try to get in a little bit before he gets here. Not sure what we'll be doing today: no snow for playing or sledding, nothing looks good at the cinema. So, we might put together the 400 piece faux-lego Enterprise I got him. 

I hope everyone has a great day. Do something special for yourself today, and know that wherever you are, there are people who love and care about you!


----------



## muskrat

Hope everyone had a very merry Christmas.


----------



## angelpixie

Merry Christmas to you and your kiddos, MR!


----------



## Nsweet

Merry Christmas singles of TAM.

I went to my family's to celebrate Christmas and go to church yesterday without my mom who was still in the hospital. The service is always a little weird, but I'm sorry I just could not stop staring at this adorable little girl with dirty blonde hair hugging her daddy's neck through the entire service. It made me miss my ex's baby sister and the whole time I just kept thinking "I want one just like that... like in ten years or so." Then we had shrimp and pizza at my grandparents and I got money for Christmas and my birthday combined. I just bought my Christmas gift online, and I think I might go see if they still have what I wanted at Walmart tomorrow.


----------



## Nsweet

BTW TAM peoples, now that Christmas is over does anyone have plans for New Years? I hope none of you that are alone now will be so then too.


----------



## Another Planet

Merry Christmas everyone


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> BTW TAM peoples, now that Christmas is over does anyone have plans for New Years? I hope none of you that are alone now will be so then too.


I have given myself permission to drink like a fish that night, regardless of where I am. I did the same for today in regards to food ...


----------



## Another Planet

So...My ex wife kissed me today...
I really don't know how to feel about anything right now. I picked the kids up from her place around noon and she kept having me come look at this and that and I felt something wasn't necessarily right or something else was transpiring but finally I get the kids to get in the car and I am standing there blah blahing with her and I say bye then she is like "wait" and then grabs my coat and what I thought was going to be a weird hug goodbye turns into a kiss from her that was so loooong and sensual.....so I am obviously floored so I just say "you shouldn't do things like that" and I look at her for a moment and just tell her I have to leave and I will talk with her later...and I leave.
I participated in the kiss, it wasn't one sided and it was REALLY REALLY good. I am so I don't know right now...I haven't talked to her since, not even a text.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well that's interesting. I'm not familiar with your story but I had an odd situation last year as well. My family is all from the small town she moved to and we had a get together for Christmas there, so I offered to let her see the kids while we were in town.

When I got there, she had drinks out and all these snacks. At the time I was in a bit of a thing with someone else, so I really didn't plan on staying long. She was under the assumption I would have stayed for a bit ... I got out of there pretty quick. A few days later she wanted to talk and "spend some time together", see where it went.

Needless to say, after I told her I wasn't okay with it she now denies it. But in the end that was okay as well, seeing how the entire time she was messing around with someone else anyways. Lol.

A year later (today) it was quite a bit different. When I went to get the kids, my son couldn't wait to tell me what 'Santa' got him for Christmas. Just so happened to be the exact same gift I got him! This, she knew about as I told her a couple weeks ago. I laughed to myself when I heard it and my son still loved it when he opened it up at my place.

She said Merry Christmas to me, I think I either said "Yeah" or "You too". Not too sure. :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

I think for my New Years I'm going to get something for anxiety from the doc, and force myself to go to a bar down the street where the atmosphere is always loud, colorful, and over stimulating. And I'm going to stay there until I either have an anxiety attack and have to leave, or get that weird zen moment where I effortlessly connect with people again and don't feel so alien. 

I hope it's the latter because I hate feeling anxious around nice people. Children and animals I'm never like that, but people always kinda freak me out.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> I think for my New Years I'm going to get something for anxiety from the doc, and force myself to go to a bar down the street where the atmosphere is always loud, colorful, and over stimulating. And I'm going to stay there until I either have an anxiety attack and have to leave, or get that weird zen moment where I effortlessly connect with people again and don't feel so alien.
> 
> I hope it's the latter because I hate feeling anxious around nice people. Children and animals I'm never like that, but people always kinda freak me out.


Haha. Why place yourself in those situations? I personally do not like bars or places that are too loud if I'm trying to interact with people. I'd rather hit a social, get drunk and hit the dance floor all night.

Unfortunately, nothing has been heard of happening yet this year. Between the 2 groups of friends and my cousins, it's a pretty quiet night. I am however going to drop my suit off at the dry cleaners tomorrow in the event something does pop up!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> So...My ex wife kissed me today...
> I really don't know how to feel about anything right now. I picked the kids up from her place around noon and she kept having me come look at this and that and I felt something wasn't necessarily right or something else was transpiring but finally I get the kids to get in the car and I am standing there blah blahing with her and I say bye then she is like "wait" and then grabs my coat and what I thought was going to be a weird hug goodbye turns into a kiss from her that was so loooong and sensual.....so I am obviously floored so I just say "you shouldn't do things like that" and I look at her for a moment and just tell her I have to leave and I will talk with her later...and I leave.
> I participated in the kiss, it wasn't one sided and it was REALLY REALLY good. I am so I don't know right now...I haven't talked to her since, not even a text.



 best thing to do would be not to overthink it... 
Maybe that was her Christmas present to you!


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha. Why place yourself in those situations? I personally do not like bars or places that are too loud if I'm trying to interact with people. I'd rather hit a social, get drunk and hit the dance floor all night.
> 
> Unfortunately, nothing has been heard of happening yet this year. Between the 2 groups of friends and my cousins, it's a pretty quiet night. I am however going to drop my suit off at the dry cleaners tomorrow in the event something does pop up!


Because if I don't try, and I let another New Years go by where I tell myself I can't go out because I'm "shy", it's going to make me feel even worse than if I went and left on my own. 

Besides there's always one other weird or nerdy chick with geek sheik glasses I'll have something in common with. If I could just find the woman who doesn't belong and get her talking I would not even feel out of place.


----------



## whitehawk

The one that doesn't belong, ha , how many times is that what l'd really like to ask for on my date site page .
Yeah l know, l could but that'd mean l'd only get one hit a yr 

To try or not to try , l really hear you ns l've wrestled with that one a lot in my life too.
l still dunno which is best but l do know l can't usually make it happen but sometimes it might if l try . Other times l end up saying l knew that's be bs why did l even bother .

looks like l'll be taking the girls up to our main town for the fireworks so it'll be a pretty innocent but lots of fun one for me this yr.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> BTW TAM peoples, now that Christmas is over does anyone have plans for New Years? I hope none of you that are alone now will be so then too.


No plans and I'm sure I'll be alone. 

Ahh well, one of these years I'll hit a NYE blacktie party with someone special........someday I guess


----------



## whitehawk

Happy Christmas and new year everyone, l hope we all had a nice time of some description and l hope no one was alone at least not for all of it.

Mine , my d and x came over Christmas eve , lunchtime. We were gonna have a coal barbie on my new coal barbecue but as usual l couldn't get the coals burning. Had it 12 mths and l was yet to do a whole cook over coals - like l envisioned in my head when l first bought it :rofl: 

Instead , as like every time so far l gave up and just made a wood fire in the fkg thing instead, the girls giggling away on the sidelines :smthumbup:
Worked though and we had a beautiful lunch .
x hung round till about 8 and we opened all our pressies , we always open them Christmas eve ever since d discovered there isn't really a Santa :smthumbup: . D stayed over until lunchtime Christmas day . X came back , had some lunch then they left to go to the in laws 2 hrs away.
That was our deal for this yr.
That was all good , d had heaps of fun and as usual got way too much stuff.
When X rocked up Christmas day she gave D a Chrissie hug and then looked at me , we fell into a hug . Don't ask me what that means but it felt weird and she's put on weight to :rofl: lt takes a lot more arm to get around her than it use too ! First X hug in 8mths and l know how you feel AP . Although a pash woulda been too weird 

Bad part is, from that lunchtime on l've been on my own so l hope no one else was because it's been as fkg depressing as !
Went to the beach , been hot here. Gorgeous beach , l'm envisioning at least some nice bikini views , maybe even that odd girl out alone like me l might even chat up.
Ha , ugliest crowd ever - all tourists on holidays and not very good looking ones.
But , if you gotta be alone after Christmas it may as well be on a nice beach :smthumbup:

ps , tomorrow l have vto work 1 day and drive across state to pick up a job. Then l have a few more days off until after new yrs , then l gotta work just a wk and then l'm having another 2 or 3 wks off.
Can't afford to holiday straight through this year.


----------



## whitehawk

Did get one nice little email on my date site from this new girl , really like the look and sound of her . Nope haven't answered it yet. l know , crazy l guess but l just can't be fkd - whatever that means.
Ha , it probably means l just can't be fkd at a guess :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

In a xmas love triangle at the moment, maybe I should let the two meet up and broadcast the live results.

So only now STBX doesn't want to let me go, yet I went NC with my last "OW" for her and yet STBX remained cold towards me. So now she found out that I found another "OW" and once again she's all in for reconciliation, and won't sign the papers. Now I'm torn between keeping the civility and peace, and trying to move on.

Maybe I should help STBX find an "OM" to balance things out. Oh hey there fellas, you want to date my soon to be ex wife so she'll get off my back? *sigh* what a crazy few days between work, dating, daughter and STBX!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> In a xmas love triangle at the moment, maybe I should let the two meet up and broadcast the live results.
> 
> So only now STBX doesn't want to let me go, yet I went NC with my last "OW" for her and yet STBX remained cold towards me. So now she found out that I found another "OW" and once again she's all in for reconciliation, and won't sign the papers. Now I'm torn between keeping the civility and peace, and trying to move on.
> 
> Maybe I should help STBX find an "OM" to balance things out. Oh hey there fellas, you want to date my soon to be ex wife so she'll get off my back? *sigh* what a crazy few days between work, dating, daughter and STBX!


I could not imagine being in a situation where my ex knew about my dating life. Mine didn't know until she met the kids (6 months into). Sucks for you, rd.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> No plans and I'm sure I'll be alone.
> 
> Ahh well, one of these years I'll hit a NYE blacktie party with someone special........someday I guess


Well, hope your not vi but you bet, one day the NYE special blacktie will happen


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> I could not imagine being in a situation where my ex knew about my dating life. Mine didn't know until she met the kids (6 months into). Sucks for you, rd.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



l spose yes and no for RD . Think l'd be enjoying at least a tiny karma bus myself.

On Christmas day my x was in the house alone for 20mins making deserts, d and l were out on the deck.
l thought hmmm, shame there wasn't a bra or two in my bed room,pretty sure she had a snoop.
l'm not sure how she'd react to someone else now. l had to tell her about my beachhouse chick bc she came round once when d was here.
That was 5mths after our sep and then x just said , maybe she's crazy about you when l told her l ended it.
Then she said , l want you to be happy to Hawk. Hmm, wasn't exactly the response l was hoping for.
Another 9mths now and x is a bit different toward me lately though l can't tell in what way it is. So l often wonder would her response still be the same now .


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> No plans and I'm sure I'll be alone.
> 
> Ahh well, one of these years I'll hit a NYE blacktie party with someone special........someday I guess


Hey, Hey, let's not rule anything out just yet. 

You're a smart and attractive woman that happens to look like Michaela Conlin (Asian chick from Bones). You're going to find someone when you least expect it, but only if you put yourself out there in a way that brings light, love, and harmony into the world instead of this funk you're in. 

Listen to me, I sound like the women of TAM trying to cheer me up with that same advice.:rofl:

But it's true! I've never had a circumstance where I wasn't happy and charming again and finding women just wanting to talk to me. It's always when you're in a dark place that nobody wants you, but when you stop caring and start having fun you're not single for very long. 

It's like angry, depressed, stone-faced Andrew just seems to scare the crap out of people and they cross the street whenever they see me. And then happy, loving, and funny Andrew connects with everyone so much that it seems to draw like minded women too me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

whitehawk said:


> l spose yes and no for RD . Think l'd be enjoying at least a tiny karma bus myself.
> 
> On Christmas day my x was in the house alone for 20mins making deserts, d and l were out on the deck.
> l thought hmmm, shame there wasn't a bra or two in my bed room,pretty sure she had a snoop.
> l'm not sure how she'd react to someone else now. l had to tell her about my beachhouse chick bc she came round once when d was here.
> That was 5mths after our sep and then x just said , maybe she's crazy about you when l told her l ended it.
> Then she said , l want you to be happy to Hawk. Hmm, wasn't exactly the response l was hoping for.
> Another 9mths now and x is a bit different toward me lately though l can't tell in what way it is. So l often wonder would her response still be the same now .


Honestly, I want my ex to be happy. I don't really care about karma. I just want her to leave me alone and work with me on the kids where she needs to. I guess the hard work I did to become whole through my divorce worked. To each his own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> You're a smart and attractive woman that happens to look like Michaela Conlin (Asian chick from Bones).


I laughed pretty good at this - just b/c I do get asked if I'm Asian quite frequently actually. Surprises me to be honest.


----------



## unsure78

No idea what im doing for new years eve yet... if anything... 

we will see how date with special agent goes on fri, slow hat prob on sat, then sunday may be either architect( dont think im attracted to) or attorney ( a little older than i was looking for) i haven't decided which one yet


----------



## Clawed

unsure78 said:


> No idea what im doing for new years eve yet... if anything...
> 
> we will see how date with special agent goes on fri, slow hat prob on sat, then sunday may be either architect( dont think im attracted to) or attorney ( a little older than i was looking for) i haven't decided which one yet


Wow, gotta be nice to have that much going, good for you. Hot damn, I can barely get anyone to even get out of their houses to actually meet me in person - I hate chatting and having it go nowhere.


----------



## unsure78

Clawed said:


> Wow, gotta be nice to have that much going, good for you. Hot damn, I can barely get anyone to even get out of their houses to actually meet me in person - I hate chatting and having it go nowhere.


LOL well as Nsweet and Jelly have said... I have a great rack... guys seem to like that..hahahahahahahahahaha


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> LOL well as Nsweet and Jelly have said... I have a great rack... guys seem to like that..hahahahahahahahahaha


Don't forget your *banging booty* too. Guys like you coming and going.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Clawed said:


> Wow, gotta be nice to have that much going, good for you. Hot damn, I can barely get anyone to even get out of their houses to actually meet me in person - I hate chatting and having it go nowhere.


Or, you could just party with friends. I have about 3 parties to attend in the next five nights, plus NYE in dowtown. Time to get my socializing on.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Don't forget your *banging booty* too. Guys like you coming and going.


Dude my ass is good, every single guy that I have been on more than one date date comments on my ass... I have heard more than once from guys who have seen me naked "best ever" and "fantastic"... better than my boobs... I just dont have a pic up of my ass for show in my album or online dating..


----------



## unsure78

oh wait im like smart and stuff too....dont forget that...lol

Im in a feisty mood today...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> oh wait im like smart and stuff too....dont forget that...lol
> 
> Im in a feisty mood today...


So, unsure, how does that make you feel? I literally stay away from comments about someone's physical features for about 6 wks. Is that good or bad?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, unsure, how does that make you feel? I literally stay away from comments about someone's physical features for about 6 wks. Is that good or bad?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Truth be told if a guy even puts in an email something about my physical appearance, I dont even respond to them. Clearly, part of dating is appearance/attraction... but i want someone to want to get to know me beyond what I look like. On most of my dating profile pics I dont show body shots, in order to purposely avoid the "your hot" guys. I think most beautiful women get told they are beautiful a lot, I would rather be complimented on my humor or intelligence or whatever... Now once we are dating for a while, yea I like being told im pretty


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, unsure, how does that make you feel? I literally stay away from comments about someone's physical features for about 6 wks. Is that good or bad?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's kinda playing it too safe. You can tell a woman she looks good, matter of fact you should say it early on because women need to hear it. But the thing is.... you only say it ONCE or give one good compliment. After that you say it to her with your eyes only. 

Women won't respect you if you're just endlessly complimenting them for nothing, and when you first meet a woman you can compliment her but just don't expect anything in return or expect any affection in return. 

My rule of thumb here is every woman I'm interested gets one, one good compliment, and then after that nothing needs to be said. I don't keep saying "gosh you're pretty" if she's already heard it from me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> That's kinda playing it too safe. You can tell a woman she looks good, matter of fact you should say it early on because women need to hear it. But the thing is.... you only say it ONCE or give one good compliment. After that you say it to her with your eyes only.
> 
> Women won't respect you if you're just endlessly complimenting them for nothing, and when you first meet a woman you can compliment her but just don't expect anything in return or expect any affection in return.
> 
> My rule of thumb here is every woman I'm interested gets one, one good compliment, and then after that nothing needs to be said. I don't keep saying "gosh you're pretty" if she's already heard it from me.


Agreed. I will usually say about the 4th or 5th date, "wow, you look amazing.". That's it, done. Of course, I'm in massive evaluation mode at that point because I'm seriously evaluating her personality wise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Truth be told if a guy even puts in an email something about my physical appearance, I dont even respond to them. Clearly, part of dating is appearance/attraction... but i want someone to want to get to know me beyond what I look like. On most of my dating profile pics I dont show body shots, in order to purposely avoid the "your hot" guys. I think most beautiful women get told they are beautiful a lot, I would rather be complimented on my humor or intelligence or whatever... Now once we are dating for a while, yea I like being told im pretty


Everybody listen to this woman!:smthumbup:

You want to get with the ridiculously hot women? Don't tell her she's hot or try to call attention to how you find her sexually attractive for her looks. Appreciate her for her brains and personality, what she decides to talk to you about, and connect with her over other things. 

And from my experience, if you can talk to beautiful women like you would any other woman without hitting on her or putting her on a pedestal, it really sets you apart from the average losers that she's always having to ward off. 

Oh, and don't ever let a hot woman hurt your feelings if she reject you. Some beautiful women block you as a preemptive strike, and others do it just to be rude. Don't ever take it to heart if you can help it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Everybody listen to this woman!:smthumbup:
> 
> You want to get with the ridiculously hot women? Don't tell her she's hot or try to call attention to how you find her sexually attractive for her looks. Appreciate her for her brains and personality, what she decides to talk to you about, and connect with her over other things.
> 
> And from my experience, if you can talk to beautiful women like you would any other woman without hitting on her or putting her on a pedestal, it really sets you apart from the average losers that she's always having to ward off.
> 
> Oh, and don't ever let a hot woman hurt your feelings if she reject you. Some beautiful women block you as a preemptive strike, and others do it just to be rude. Don't ever take it to heart if you can help it.


If you do get rejected, laugh. Laughter is awesome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> If you do get rejected, laugh. Laughter is awesome.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep... everyone gets rejected, the key is not to take it personal, you never know what another person is looking for or what situation they have going on..


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Funny, I used to get introduced to so many hot girls by hot girls that I was friends with last year. They would say, "you have to meet this awesome guy.". I'm like, "thanks for making the bar so low, sheesh." I had a 6 month period of absolute craziness. Kind of like unsure's upcoming weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Yep... everyone gets rejected, the key is not to take it personal, you never know what another person is looking for or what situation they have going on..


I found the key is to let go of any desire or expectation, and to act pleasant and happy no matter what. I've never had a hookup or a date I was seriously expecting, instead I just remained calm and good things happened after just talking with a woman. I'm sure you've all heard of the "D technique" I've posted about before. It works! 

If you go out there expecting to pick up a woman and get your rocks off it's probably not going to happen. But if you get out there planning on making friends you're going to have so much opportunity for friends, lovers, future relationships and so much more. All it takes is a clear head, open heart, and no intention to get in her pants that night.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Funny, I used to get introduced to so many hot girls by hot girls that I was friends with last year. They would say, "you have to meet this awesome guy.". I'm like, "thanks for making the bar so low, sheesh." I had a 6 month period of absolute craziness. Kind of like unsure's upcoming weekend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tend to jam in dates on my free weekend, I only have every other weekend kid free, so I try to make it count... two to three dater weekend is becoming common...


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## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I tend to jam in dates on my free weekend, I only have every other weekend kid free, so I try to make it count... two to three dater weekend is becoming common...


Oh, I understand completely. It gets tiring, though. Its like, "will someone step up and not be crazy?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Oh, I understand completely. It gets tiring, though. Its like, "will someone step up and not be crazy?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


100% yes... and one im attracted too?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

unsure78 said:


> Yep... everyone gets rejected, the key is not to take it personal, you never know what another person is looking for or what situation they have going on..


Agreed, try to be gracious, listen to what they say and get off the phone without putting anything on them. They're gone, let em go.


----------



## angstire

Dedicated2Her said:


> Oh, I understand completely. It gets tiring, though. Its like, "will someone step up and not be crazy?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At least it's good to have the skills to weed out the crazy ones. But at some point, I have to question if an unfair share of crazy is landing on my weekends.


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## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> 100% yes... and one im attracted too?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! Exactly!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

angstire said:


> At least it's good to have the skills to weed out the crazy ones. But at some point, I have to question if an unfair share of crazy is landing on my weekends.


There is a whole lot of crazy out there in the divored dating world. The normal/attractive peeps are the rare exception.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Emotions twisted up into a cyclone at the moment between two women.



> There is a whole lot of crazy out there in the divored dating world.


Yup, like me!



> The normal/attractive peeps are the rare exception.


I'm at the age where there are still unmarried peeps


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> Honestly, I want my ex to be happy. I don't really care about karma. I just want her to leave me alone and work with me on the kids where she needs to. I guess the hard work I did to become whole through my divorce worked. To each his own.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Good luck with everything d.

But nah it's not bad karma l hoped for, l don't want that for x . But l wanted our family back together again so it's that grass isn't greener after all come realization type karma a spouse needs to reach in order to want to R .

I don't know if at the time the wanting me to be happy was genuine or just the thing she felt she's spose to say , she can be like that . But a spouse that might have R on her mind doesn't want you happy without her does she so , not really what l wanted to hear at the time.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> best thing to do would be not to overthink it...
> Maybe that was her Christmas present to you!


That's actually what she said right after..."merry christmas" lol
It was nice, I guess after reflecting on it all day at work I can thoroughly say I enjoyed it...it's been 6months since I've been kissed especially like that 0_0


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> There is a whole lot of crazy out there in the divored dating world. The normal/attractive peeps are the rare exception.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah that's what l've seen too . One screwed up unaware right off was enough for my head right now. So along with observing from a safe distance the rest so far since , l dunno whether to laugh or cry. Or whether l envy you guys with so many to choose from and so much going on or thank God it's not me .

lt's a whole new world out there between them mlc'ing, bitter from bad marriages, thinking they deserve this and me me that , tell you what - scary business.

l just want a genuinely fun and nice person , that isn't screwed in the head , can think about more than just sex and just maybe she knows to it takes courage and some brain work to make the next faze of our life work through the good and bad times .


----------



## RandomDude

Go for undivorced women then 

Though right now going to try to end my little summer romance, failed last time, only ended up liking her more. Think it would be better anyway, at least till divorce is finalised with STBX and she herself has her reservations...

Sad though, new date is quality thus far... and chances are next year I'll be complaining about lack of quality again. Meh, just going to harden my heart. If she wants space I'll give it, I ain't going to leash or orbit, that's bleh -.-


----------



## vi_bride04

Not on a date but at a meetup with some cool peeps  a lot younger of a crowd then the last one


----------



## angelpixie

Awesome, Vi -- have fun! :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Since New Years Eve in Vegas is a bust, I have joined a single women meet up and am planning on spending New Years Eve with them.

Also, I think my penpalship with east coast is over. I texted him that I just needed a good fvcking, he responded with "So you just need a good fvcking huh? and since then silence. No more texts.

I will not text him back for a while, why would he get offended? I was being honest!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

We are apparently having a Beerfest for NYE, 2 years ago it was started and I sadly missed out of the 2nd annual this past summer. As an original member I was disappointed (but I wasn't okay bailing on the kids) so this really delights me!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Since New Years Eve in Vegas is a bust, I have joined a single women meet up and am planning on spending New Years Eve with them.
> 
> Also, I think my penpalship with east coast is over. I texted him that I just needed a good fvcking, he responded with "So you just need a good fvcking huh? and since then silence. No more texts.
> 
> I will not text him back for a while, why would he get offended? I was being honest!!


Hard to say. Sometimes us guys get turned off by overly sexual women, because it goes against the game and is less of a chase for us. Or it could be that he wanted more from you, or maybe he just saw you as a friend. You may never know. But you can pretty much rule out him being the one for you. 

Us men folk are not all that hard to decipher, but we do like to feel as if something we said was the deciding factor in what made you want a good fvcking with us. We don't like to feel like you're just throwing yourself at us because it throws up a lot of red flags. And if the attraction isn't there it's just going to turn us off, even if you're offering good sex. 

If you want a better idea of this, watch this cartoon. Downhearted duckling - Tom and Jerry - Video Dailymotion You're the delicious little duckling in this story. You get what I'm saying?

And there's actually a cool little tip from the world of PUA that will help you for next time. And that is you have to learn to create attraction and escalate things to the point where your man is just dropping hints left and right to meet you. And you do this by pretty much opening yourself to the possibility of sex at first, but not offering it to him or bringing it up again after that. You get close, but keep the chase and follow the 180 rules like before but with the right amount of contact slowly turning up as you both get closer. What will happen then is he'll work harder to impress you which will eventually lead to the good fvcking you crave.


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Pre-emptive strike but alas, he is not a terrorist or rogue, oil bearing nation. Ne, you know darn well getting a good Fvcking is not going to solve your problems. It was disrespectful. Hurt him before he can hurt you, play the role of the unemotionally attached person who can just Fvck for fun, the rumored elusive breed of people that need nothing else. . .
> 
> Don't fret, plenty of fish in the sea. Take more time to heal and find someone who has done the same or is ready to go.


This really opened my eyes. I am still very naïve in the way of showing emotion or flirting or any other type of dating behavior.
Should I apologize? Or just leave it alone?


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> This really opened my eyes. I am still very naïve in the way of showing emotion or flirting or any other type of dating behavior.
> Should I apologize? Or just leave it alone?


You're better off not saying anything more to him. In the slight chance that he something tied him up and he wasn't abruptly ignoring you, you apologizing for nothing could do more harm than good here.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Since New Years Eve in Vegas is a bust, I have joined a single women meet up and am planning on spending New Years Eve with them.
> 
> Also, I think my penpalship with east coast is over. I texted him that I just needed a good fvcking, he responded with "So you just need a good fvcking huh? and since then silence. No more texts.
> 
> I will not text him back for a while, why would he get offended? I was being honest!!





ne9907 said:


> This really opened my eyes. I am still very naïve in the way of showing emotion or flirting or any other type of dating behavior.
> Should I apologize? Or just leave it alone?


I have a strange feeling you're going to fall hard for your next NE. 
Leave it in my opinion. There are a million guys in between you and him, why even put all your chips in on him?


----------



## Pbartender

ne9907 said:


> ...why would he get offended?


Because you were effectively reducing him to the equivalent of a want ad in the Casual Encounters subsection of Craig's List.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I have a strange feeling you're going to fall hard for your next NE.
> Leave it in my opinion. There are a million guys in between you and him, why even put all your chips in on him?


haha I hope not! But I sort of agree with you, once I give my heart to someone it is very hard to detach or see the truth.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> haha I hope not! But I sort of agree with you, once I give my heart to someone it is very hard to detach or see the truth.


I'm the same way..... Heart on my sleeve and if you stoke my flame it's hard to put it out.
But seriously you have to remember you are on the west coast and him on the east. Why would you even consider that? Just a couple towns away can be hard on a relationship.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I'm the same way..... Heart on my sleeve and if you stoke my flame it's hard to put it out.
> But seriously you have to remember you are on the west coast and him on the east. Why would you even consider that? Just a couple towns away can be hard on a relationship.


Maybe because he offered to come visit me. But I do not know what i was thinking, You are all right. I need to slow down and just let things happen naturally. (for the next time  )


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Maybe because he offered to come visit me. But I do not know what i was thinking, You are all right. I need to slow down and just let things happen naturally. (for the next time  )


I got something to say about that but I am not going to say it


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I got something to say about that but I am not going to say it


Now I am curious! Please don't kill me!!
Just kidding.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Maybe because he offered to come visit me. But I do not know what i was thinking, You are all right. I need to slow down and just let things happen naturally. (for the next time  )


Don't be hard on yourself for this either. So you let one you liked but didn't really love get away. It was a lesson learned, and a lesson which we all had to go through. 

Pretty much by now most of us have had at least one whirlwind relationship, short lived fling, or recurring rendezvous with someone we wished would be more. It's takes some maturity and experience to learn to take things slow and appreciate things as is for the time being without adding unnecessary pressure to a relationship. 

Take what you can from this last time, use that in your next relationship, and have fun. Be good to yourself, you deserve it.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I got something to say about that but I am not going to say it


Oh, if you think you're going to se NE before I do you're going to have to fight me for her.


----------



## Another Planet

no it's harmless. 
I was going to say I would come visit you when I'm in Cali next summer.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Oh, if you think you're going to se NE before I do you're going to have to fight me for her.


haha funny guys, Thanks!


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Who knows what is really going on with him anyway, ne, let it go.
> 
> You got a divorce? I am on the 9:10 JKF to LAX! See you at terminal 8. Pick me up? No, forget it, I will take a cab!
> 
> No thanks.
> 
> First step, self control.
> 
> Second step, peace.
> 
> Now I must go play Monopoly. . .



Sure I will pick you up!! It is only a two hour drive for me
But then again, I hate LA traffic!!!!

Have fun with monopoly!!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Oh, if you think you're going to se NE before I do you're going to have to fight me for her.


LOL right on!  howd you know!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> no it's harmless.
> I was going to say I would come visit you when I'm in Cali next summer.


that be cool! Just make sure it is not during my National Guard two week drill!


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> LOL right on!  howd you know!


Psychic powers!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> LOL right on!  howd you know!


haha it is like he has ESPN (from Clueless  or maybe another one of those movies.)


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> that be cool! Just make sure it is not during my National Guard two week drill!


Deal!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I'm the same way..... *Heart on my sleeve and if you stoke my flame it's hard to put it out.*
> But seriously you have to remember you are on the west coast and him on the east. Why would you even consider that? Just a couple towns away can be hard on a relationship.


This is me as well.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Made it back from christmas vaca........me and s11. Hope everyone has a Happy New Year!

Pic on profile album........


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated, you are handsome. That is a nice pic of you and your son.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Dedicated, you are handsome. That is a nice pic of you and your son.


Thanks, JB. I'll have to post a "before" shot, meaning before I got my crap together 4 years ago. 250 lbs of "bleh".


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So...My ex wife kissed me today...
> I really don't know how to feel about anything right now.
> 
> I say bye then she is like "wait" and then grabs my coat and what I thought was going to be a weird hug goodbye turns into a kiss from her that was so loooong and sensual.....so I am obviously floored *so I just say "you shouldn't do things like that" *a


This story made me smile. 



RandomDude said:


> So only now STBX doesn't want to let me go, yet I went NC with my last "OW" for her and yet STBX remained cold towards me. So now she found out that I found another "OW" and once again she's all in for reconciliation, and won't sign the papers.


How does she know youa re dating all these people? Seriously? Why tell her anything? I hope you are not.

Also, Idk how it is where you live, but can't the judge sign for her if she refuses to sign?



Dedicated2Her said:


> So, unsure, how does that make you feel? I literally stay away from comments about someone's physical features for about 6 wks. Is that good or bad?


I personally like if a man compliments me on something. It's flattering. 



RandomDude said:


> Go for undivorced women then


Hey, now!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Just added a "fat" pic on my profile. OMG.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I personally like if a man compliments me on something. It's flattering.


Yes, and I do compliment. However, that is a legitimate compliment usually to do with something in regards to them being funny, smart, and nice..... at least early on.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I will say that the compliments I really dig, of course besides the "You look really pretty/beautiful" are ones about my MIND... like "I like the way you think" or when a man remembers something about me. That is the best. Remembering!

It is the little things.



ne9907 said:


> Also, I think my penpalship with east coast is over. I texted him that I just needed a good fvcking, he responded with "So you just need a good fvcking huh? and since then silence. No more texts.
> 
> I will not text him back for a while, why would he get offended? I was being honest!!


LOl that entire exchange was funny. Slow down, NE.  And ype, he's east coast you're west coast (or vice versa). LDRs are so annoying.



2galsmom said:


> n. You may find you aren't as eager to get a good fvcking now or even date.


This totally made me LOL. :rofl: The way you worded it, 2gals. Funny!



Nsweet said:


> Pretty much by now most of us have had at least one whirlwind relationship, short lived fling, or recurring rendezvous with someone we wished would be more.


:iagree: The truth.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok, reporting for duty. 

 Oh and I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and holiday!...

Well, I am reporting for duty with something funny I noticed... I seem, within the past week, to have gotten my mojo back.

Like, legit, I was being flirted with by several different guys within the past week. 



First I went to a holiday party and was talking a lot with one guy. Then I started talking with another guy and had a lovely convo. And I was all smiles and whatnot. It was great. 

Then one of my friends from back in the day kept sending me old pics of us from back in the day and semi-flirting w/ me. So I started semi-flirting back! 

Then my good friend (the one who really likes me who I told him we were friends) came to visit me while in town and I made us brunch and we had a nice chat. No flirting there, but nice to have good conversation. 

Social Media guy will NOT stop texting me saying he wants to see me soon and sending me winky-faces. (This is the guy who I told him I do not want to go out with him again/no longer interested cause he kept saying he would explain disappearances and never would). Funny how when you say you have no interest, some guys will try all they can, more than before. WTF? 

D!ck pic guy texted me over the weekend asking me how I was doing. Did not respond.

I messaged Mr. ExJelly wishing him a Merry Christmas. And we had light convo about how we wished each was having a happy holiday.

I texted Grandpa/the older guy/my version of Unsure's Slow Hat to wish him a merry Christmas and he sent me a message back saying the same with some smiley face emojis. I really wanted to message him "Merry Christmas. Please sleep with me. Soon." (But I didn't do that). DAMMIT. I really wish he'd say he wanted to go out with me again. It's been a month and week since I've seen him and I still think of him all the time and am so attracted to him. It's ridiculous. 

Then last night I went out again with one of my old friends from school days who I reconnected w/ over the holidays. We had a few beers and I found myself smiling big at him. He was doing the same. I think I was kind of flirting with him, in those complimentary ways. WTF am I doing? I don't know. He walked me to my car and it was nice and we hugged and plan to hang again. He winky-faced texted me when he got home.

People of TAM... 

I seem to have found my flirt again.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I texted Grandpa/the older guy/my version of Unsure's Slow Hat to wish him a merry Christmas and he sent me a message back saying the same with some smiley face emojis. I really wanted to message him "Merry Christmas. Please sleep with me. Soon." (But I didn't do that). DAMMIT.


I can't stop laughing. :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> Just added a "fat" pic on my profile. OMG.


WOW D2, what a transformation! :smthumbup: I hope you are super proud of yourself!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> WOW D2, what a transformation! I hope you are super proud of yourself!


I am. I think one of the major things we lose in marriage (having a family) is that we lose who we are. As in, we don't stay true to ourselves. I have always been active, and a very good athlete. I lost that through trying to provide for a family on one income and trying to be someone I'm not. (what my ex wanted me to be)

I guess the moral of it all is that you have to take care of yourself so that you can be the husband, father, employee, and friend that you have the capability to be. Be true to who you are, and that happiness that you have will be infectious for those around you. Now, I run obstacle courses, compete in crossfit competitions, and eat very clean. It's just part of me.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, reporting for duty.
> 
> 
> I texted Grandpa/the older guy/my version of Unsure's Slow Hat to wish him a merry Christmas and he sent me a message back saying the same with some smiley face emojis. I really wanted to message him "Merry Christmas. Please sleep with me. Soon." (But I didn't do that). DAMMIT. I really wish he'd say he wanted to go out with me again. It's been a month and week since I've seen him and I still think of him all the time and am so attracted to him. It's ridiculous.


Sex and grandpa in the same paragraph just seems very very wrong LOL


----------



## Nsweet

Is it me are all the women single/divorced women getting really desperate lately? Judging by you lovely women here.... I should really get out there on New Year's Eve this year.:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

> How does she know youa re dating all these people? Seriously? Why tell her anything? I hope you are not.
> 
> Also, Idk how it is where you live, but can't the judge sign for her if she refuses to sign?


It's only one since laundry lady, and she was suspicious hence confronted me, wasn't going to lie. The divorce can still process but I'd rather it be joint not to mention I want to maintain civil relations.



> Hey, now!


 Unless she's a TAMer of course hehe


----------



## Another Planet

I'm actually kinda shooting for a divorced with kids kind of woman. I think that portion of life is kind of past me now so if you have a career and your own kids and don't want any more I have to say that would be a plus.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Go for undivorced women then
> 
> Though right now going to try to end my little summer romance, failed last time, only ended up liking her more. Think it would be better anyway, at least till divorce is finalised with STBX and she herself has her reservations...
> 
> Sad though, new date is quality thus far... and chances are next year I'll be complaining about lack of quality again. Meh, just going to harden my heart. If she wants space I'll give it, I ain't going to leash or orbit, that's bleh -.-



What women that've never been married?

Been wondering about that sorta thing. Like if a chicks late 30s into 40s say , then what's been going on if she never married.
Some chose career l spose or travel or something , maybe to just not get married.
But you gotta wonder otherwise , like my sister , think she's either 49 or 51 but she looks nothing like that but , her longest relationships been like 3yrs or so. l mean she's such a cool person , great looking , she'd pass for 35 easy. But there must be some serious head stuff goin on l reckon , she shoulda held at least one long term thing by now.

But sayin you did meet someone nice that's never been married , l would say she'd be the best bet of all because she'd be mature enough and alone long enough to make it fkg work .
Cept the ones l have seen still hope top have kids so if you've already been there you might not wanna go there again.

ps , Back to scary business because unfortunately l don't think that many make onto TAM and get themselve straightened out first.


----------



## Another Planet

I just posted in another thread about dating divorced or no.....
Sorry I would have to say I at least at the moment would need to be with someone who can understand the world is not roses and oysters all of the time. **** happens :/


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah exactly . Thing is though they seem to think and expect it to be more and more these days and the good old l deserve more line , l mean wtf ! So do l , so does everyone else but show me a world like that , it's la la land.
Or sit down with any old couple that've been married and lived through the world , life, families, a 50 or 60 yr marriage and , watching the rest of us self destruct. Ask them if their worlds been all roses , mind blowing sex, champagne and la la land . 
They fkg laugh at peoples bs and expectations these days so did my parents.


----------



## whitehawk

So would you guys or gals hook up with someone that's never been married or had a family?
Any thoughts on that type of thing?

l've met a few so far , just on date sites but yeah , it seems strange.


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> So would you guys or gals hook up with someone that's never been married or had a family?
> Any thoughts on that type of thing?
> 
> l've met a few so far , just on date sites but yeah , it seems strange.


I'm 35 and never been married. Long relationships, but none of them married me. I see so many people here say how unnecessary marriage is now, don't do it...and yet people assume if you are in your 30's or 40's and not married yet, something must be wrong with you. It's a double edged sword. I don't think any thing is wrong with me, just unfortunate relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

well special agent rescheduled he was sick  im disappointed hopefully he follows thru with the reschedule... he may have some potential... family man, my age, good career, cute, athletic (hes a crossfitter D2H)... 

slow may be bailing on me tonight too.. work stuff.. but still have cute but older attorney date tomorrow...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> So would you guys or gals hook up with someone that's never been married or had a family?
> Any thoughts on that type of thing?
> 
> l've met a few so far , just on date sites but yeah , it seems strange.


Hookups don't really matter to me if they have been married or whatever but I think if pursuing a relationship with someone I would want them to be divorced or at least have had a long term, committed, living together situation. I would not get serious with anyone who has not lived with a woman in a romantic relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> But you gotta wonder otherwise , like my sister , think she's either 49 or 51 but she looks nothing like that but , her longest relationships been like 3yrs or so. l mean she's such a cool person , great looking , she'd pass for 35 easy. But there must be some serious head stuff goin on l reckon *, she shoulda held at least one long term thing by now.*


What do you consider to be long-term? How long?



whitehawk said:


> So would you guys or gals hook up with someone that's never been married or had a family?
> Any thoughts on that type of thing?
> 
> l've met a few so far , just on date sites but yeah , it seems strange.


I would, absolutely. You never know if you are going to mesh with someone or not until you try. I have been married but do not have a family. So I have experienced marriage and do not have children. I have heard men say before they would not be involved with a woman w/o kids so that rules me out immediately. Then I've heard some men say they wouldn't date anyone who hasn't been divorced (haha) so that includes me. Who knows. Everyone has their own formula. 



lisab0105 said:


> I'm 35 and never been married. Long relationships, but none of them married me. I see so many people here say how unnecessary marriage is now, don't do it...and yet people assume if you are in your 30's or 40's and not married yet, something must be wrong with you. It's a double edged sword. I don't think any thing is wrong with me,* just unfortunate relationships.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unfortunate? Or fortunate, you mean? Hehe. Marriage ain't all that! Haha.

I personally do not think marriage is for everyone. It may work for some and not for others. I have one under my belt. I never thought I'd ever get married and did. I loved being married...until the end. Do I need to get married again? Want to? I don't think so. Maybe I will? Who knows. But it's not a necessary thing for me. Been there, done that. Am I thankful for the experience? Yes. But it in no way makes that relationship more solid/less solid than anyone else's relationship that lasted as long as didn't culminate in signing a piece of paper, a marital contract. My 2 cents.




vi_bride04 said:


> Hookups don't really matter to me if they have been married or whatever but I think if pursuing a relationship with someone I would want them to be divorced or at least have had a long term, committed, living together situation. I would not get serious with anyone who has not lived with a woman in a romantic relationship.


How long do you consider a "long term committed relationship?"


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> How long do you consider a "long term committed relationship?"


3+ years


----------



## lisab0105

Unfortunate that none of my 3 LTR came close to marriage material. 1st was 3 years, 2nd was almost 9 years and 3rd was 3 years. I have been in relationships since I was 19 years old...I am good to live with but not good enough to make that ultimate commitment too?? :scratchhead: Maybe I shouldn't be saying "it's not me, it's them"..but then again 1st one died, 2nd was emotionally abusive and 3rd..well TAM has seen that one play out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lisa, I am a firm believer in that everything happens how it is meant to.

Did dany of those guys bring up marriage? Or you? Did you ever say, where ist his relationship going? Or that you wanted to get married? Have you ever heard of Steve Harvey's Think Like a Man, Act like a Lady? He says in that book (not sure how true this is) but that women who do marry "require" it. I kinda get what he is saying. With Mr. ExJelly, he made it clear from the beginning he wanted to get married (or rather, fairly early on). I had some warming up to the idea... like I wanted to do it too but I think my reservations were there for a reason. He told met he day we met/saw me the first time, he told his cousin "If i meet that girl, I am going to marry her." Well, he did. 

I actually got proposed to twice, in the same year. Yeah. Lol. And one guy in my early 20s told me he wanted to marry me but I did not feel the same way about him. Life is WEIRD.


----------



## whitehawk

Well for lisa for example , l mean 9 yrs with someone , that's a long time .
l spose if you wanted to get married then it's unfortunate but if you've never really cared about being married then it's fortunate .
l use to think these things become a gamble to us when l was in my 20's because if we go on trying in say a relationship that we know deep down probably isn't right for us , time gets away. Maybe we turn round in 10 yrs time and we're still in it but it's still going no where.
Seen that with one of my brothers. He's been with this girl 16yrs but he still doesn't wanna marry her- how weird !

l spose you'd expect someone say in their 40's to at least of had one long term thing , 10 or 15 yrs , or to have been married.
l think from a guys point of view , most women really need to have kids so if they haven't had any it might be a bit of a worry .

l've got another brother 52 , he's trying to decide right now if he wants to marry this girl he's known 8yrs.
He admits he's use to doing things his way and living how he likes now so he's worried sick about whether he could be married at this stage .
Yep l have a big family btw . 11 , 1/2 of us have married and 1/2 of us haven't .
3 of the sisters have been divorced , 2 of the guys including me now by the look of it . Two other brothers are both still married with kids and seem to be still ok.
One sister , 39ish is still married , few kids . Ones been just living with he same guy 20yrs or so , no kids and they didn't marry .

l have met a few girls on date sites, 1 39 never married or kids . She still hopes to start a family though .
One 46 , same , another one 42ish, same. l mean all 3 all seemed like really decent girls . One had just traveled a lot, the other two a bit like lisa's sitch.

l tended to feel they'd actually be more likely to make a real go of marriage if it did happen now .


----------



## ne9907

I am finally coming on my own and facing my fears at 36. I got married young, I was deliriously happy, I loved my ex up until I realized I had to get away or I would be a very ugly, insecure, unstable woman.
I do not wish to get married again. Since joining a convent would be too drastic, I just want to live a quiet life with two or three cats and a lover on the side (for when I need him).


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> I am finally coming on my own and facing my fears at 36. I got married young, I was deliriously happy, I loved my ex up until I realized I had to get away or I would be a very ugly, insecure, unstable woman.
> 
> I do not wish to get married again. Since joining a convent would be too drastic, I just want to live a quiet life with two or three cats and a lover on the side (for when I need him).



36 is young. Plenty of years to grow and allow men your current age to grow up as well.


----------



## ne9907

ugh...
just logged into FB (mistake) and post like "treat me like the princess I am" or "I am a queen" or "if you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" make me wanna vomit!!!!

Why are (some women) like that?? 
Please shoot me if I ever start posting stupid sh!it like that on FB or any other social medial site.... or If I start airing my dirty laundry!!!

UGH UGH UGH...


----------



## RandomDude

Feels weird, having a relationship ending and another relationship developing at the same time... think I've bitten off more than I can chew at the moment


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> ugh...
> just logged into FB (mistake) and post like "treat me like the princess I am" or "I am a queen" or "if you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" make me wanna vomit!!!!
> 
> Why are (some women) like that??
> Please shoot me if I ever start posting stupid sh!it like that on FB or any other social medial site.... or If I start airing my dirty laundry!!!
> 
> UGH UGH UGH...



Yeah , seems to be a common attitude these days. 20yrs alone should bringem back to earth .
l agree with drerio , 36ish is a great age , still no rush . l always wished my ex was a little bit older before we got married. She was 24 then , l felt that was a bit young . l know l was still way out there at 24.


----------



## whitehawk

2galsmom said:


> They want to live a horribly unhappy life like Marilyn Monroe and be found dead in a swimming pool after being a sperm bank for powerful men who use and degrade women? Who knows.
> 
> Who cares ne, to each their own, come to terms and conquer your fear that you will be alone. Fear will propel you into the arms of another person who doesn't treat you well or away from people with whom you may forge healthy relationships with while you chose to hide with cats. Again, no lying to yourself! Cats have very smelly urine that wrecks hardwood flooring, think about THAT! No good.
> 
> No fear ne. It will happen and let it happen slowly so you can keep your wits about you and make good choices.



Your a very wise women 2gals , we need you round here


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Feels weird, having a relationship ending and another relationship developing at the same time... think I've bitten off more than I can chew at the moment


Good luck dude but l'm glad it's not me.
Seems l've been dumped l might as well enjoy my freedom for awhile , l never did chain up too well anyway :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Good luck dude but l'm glad it's not me.
> Seems l've been dumped l might as well enjoy my freedom for awhile , l never did chain up too well anyway :rofl:


Heh right now I'm chained between two women and being pulled asunder


----------



## unsure78

so hung out at slows house last night... lots of laughs, im very comfortable with him, cuddles but nothing happened... oh he did actually give me a kiss when i left. attorney date today...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ne9907 said:


> ugh...
> just logged into FB (mistake) and post like "treat me like the princess I am" or "I am a queen" or "if you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" make me wanna vomit!!!!
> 
> Why are (some women) like that?


Because their enablers will put up with almost anything to get laid.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Feels weird, having a relationship ending and another relationship developing at the same time... think I've bitten off more than I can chew at the moment


Just stay true to self and you'll be ok


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> l think from a guys point of view , most women really need to have kids so if they haven't had any it might be a bit of a worry .


Why would a woman not having kids be a bit of a worry?? It's not like all women want to be baby makers when they grow up....!!


----------



## Jellybeans

No, no, Vi. It's clear that women who don't have a case of the babies are missing a screw... lol

Unsure--that is nice you saw Slow again and finally kissed. Was it a good kiss?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> No, no, Vi. It's clear that women who don't have a case of the babies are missing a screw... lol
> 
> Unsure--that is nice you saw Slow again and finally kissed. Was it a good kiss?


just a peck...lol.... whatever i still enjoyed his company
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

atty date was meh... a little too old, a little to short, and conversation was only ok.... though he just texted to ask me out again... i hate this part
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> just a peck...lol.... whatever i still enjoyed his company
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Something isn't right with this guy........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Something isn't right with this guy........
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yea my therapist thinks he must have a issue as well... i asked him if he was gay this weekend he said no... at this point either way i consider him a friend cause its been going on forever...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> No, no, Vi. It's clear that women who don't have a case of the babies are missing a screw... lol
> 
> Unsure--that is nice you saw Slow again and finally kissed. Was it a good kiss?


Obviously because they might still want to and l've already had my family. Wouldn't wanna end up with one of those frantic 40 somethings suddenly doing God knows what to finally have a baby either.
And hey l didn't say all and if they don't good for them l couldn't give a damn.


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> Something isn't right with this guy........
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Just sounds like he's not into her to me.
Sounds like the good old obligation peck.
Not that his not enjoying your company either but probably just as friends.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Obviously because they might still want to and l've already had my family. Wouldn't wanna end up with one of those frantic 40 somethings suddenly doing God knows what to finally have a baby either.
> And hey l didn't say all and if they don't good for them l couldn't give a damn.


Just b/c a woman has a vagina doesn't mean she wants to push a baby out of it. There are plenty of women who don't want a family (myself included)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Just sounds like he's not into her to me.
> Sounds like the good old obligation peck.
> Not that his not enjoying your company either but probably just as friends.


I don't agree. Sounds like he is either 1) extremely insecure and is embarrassed about something. or 2) He is not being real. 

I can tell you this.......any red blooded male would be on unsure like white on rice if they were "cuddling".


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't agree. Sounds like he is either 1) extremely insecure and is embarrassed about something. or 2) He is not being real.
> 
> I can tell you this.......any red blooded male would be on unsure like white on rice if they were "cuddling".


yea i will say this is the first time ever that i have cuddled with someone and they didnt make a move... usually im stopping them... he says he likes me, i have asked him several times if he just wants to be friends... special agent date has been rescheduled for thurs, got to say im looking forward to him,he has some potential ... my age, family guy, good job, and very fit... just my flavor
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> yea i will say this is the first time ever that i have cuddled with someone and they didnt make a move... usually im stopping them... he says he likes me, i have asked him several times if he just wants to be friends... special agent date has been rescheduled for thurs, got to say im looking forward to him,he has some potential ... my age, family guy, good job, and very fit... just my flavor
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What I will say is this....if he can't read your signals now, he won't be able to down the line. That is not a good place for a woman to be. 

Good luck on Thursday! Crossfitters are a different breed!


----------



## Pbartender

Okay, I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate here for a bit.

Unsure keeps talking about Slow Hat, and everybody keeps thinking there's something wrong with him for not jumping her bones as soon as she smiled his way, but...

First, to echo Vi's words, just b/c a man has a penis doesn't mean he wants to push it into every pretty girl he meets. There are plenty of men who don't have physical attractiveness as their highest priority for sexual attraction (myself included). And there are plenty of men who are willing and able to show a modicum of self-restraint when it comes to physical affection.

Now, Unsure has said herself that she's teased him about going too slow... She doubts his reasons for canceling dates or for holding back... She harasses him about not cuddling with her and not kissing her... She constantly questions whether he's actually interested in her... And now, she actually comes out and asks him if he's gay, for crying out loud!

And then she wonders why he seems distant and uninterested when she tries to cuddle with him? A beautiful woman that he's interested in openly and continuously questions his masculinity... How would you expect him to react? Of course he's going to back off!

At the same time, she continues to reel him back in by accepting dates with him, and trying to cuddle with him and kiss him.

Unsure, we all love you dearly here, but I've got to be bluntly honest because you haven't been getting the hint...

With Slow Hat, you were showing all the same BPD/NPD-like push-pull dynamics that many of the rest of us complain about with our Xs and STBXs. And whatever problems he may or may not have himself, the way you have been dealing with him hasn't been helping.

The bottom line is... For the first time, Unsure, you've run into a guy who didn't have his hands all over you simply because you're beautiful. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. It could mean that you may have to revise your expectations for men.

You didn't know how to handle it. Learn to. Otherwise, you'll never be able to hang on to a guy who's interested in more than just your body.


----------



## 06Daddio08

If a woman were to ask me if I was gay, I'd show her the door. Haha.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> If a woman were to ask me if I was gay, I'd show* her my cawk and prove I wasn't!*


Fixed it for ya


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Okay, I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate here for a bit.
> 
> Unsure keeps talking about Slow Hat, and everybody keeps thinking there's something wrong with him for not jumping her bones as soon as she smiled his way, but...
> 
> First, to echo Vi's words, just b/c a man has a penis doesn't mean he wants to push it into every pretty girl he meets. There are plenty of men who don't have physical attractiveness as their highest priority for sexual attraction (myself included). And there are plenty of men who are willing and able to show a modicum of self-restraint when it comes to physical affection.
> 
> Now, Unsure has said herself that she's teased him about going too slow... She doubts his reasons for canceling dates or for holding back... She harasses him about not cuddling with her and not kissing her... She constantly questions whether he's actually interested in her... And now, she actually comes out and asks him if he's gay, for crying out loud!
> 
> And then she wonders why he seems distant and uninterested when she tries to cuddle with him? A beautiful woman that he's interested in openly and continuously questions his masculinity... How would you expect him to react? Of course he's going to back off!
> 
> At the same time, she continues to reel him back in by accepting dates with him, and trying to cuddle with him and kiss him.
> 
> Unsure, we all love you dearly here, but I've got to be bluntly honest because you haven't been getting the hint...
> 
> With Slow Hat, you were showing all the same BPD/NPD-like push-pull dynamics that many of the rest of us complain about with our Xs and STBXs. And whatever problems he may or may not have himself, the way you have been dealing with him hasn't been helping.
> 
> The bottom line is... For the first time, Unsure, you've run into a guy who didn't have his hands all over you simply because you're beautiful. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. It could mean that you may have to revise your expectations for men.
> 
> You didn't know how to handle it. Learn to. Otherwise, you'll never be able to hang on to a guy who's interested in more than just your body.


PB when i asked him it was in semi-jest, i dont really think hes gay,... slow hat and I have a looooooot of banter going on...we have had banter going on since day 1... he calls me funny names and teases me, i call him funny names and tease him...slow has initiated a TON of sexual banter over text as well, but in person he does nothing..

when i went over there HE invited ME to watch a tv in his BED, knowing that we would be cuddling... generally if a man invites you in to his bed he is interested in more than just watching tv and cuddling 

I have not pushed him to do anything he doesn't want to do, i have been consistent in telling him that i like him, i have been consistent in trying to make time for us to spend together so he can become more comfortable with me.... he is the one who tells me he likes me, then disappears off the face of the earth for several weeks ( hes done that a few times now) only to reappear and initiate a few weeks later. the teasing is part of our dynamic...

however i am a physical girl... i like sex and affection, it is a high priority for ME and this is not only about him and what he needs... 

my realtionship with the engy was not just about what i looked like, that was secondary for him.. as he used to say its your mind i love, what you look like is the icing on the cake... now killer was 100% pure physical... i know the difference

this has been going on with slow for almost 6 months.... thats a long time for a man over 40 to not make a move


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Fixed it for ya


My ex asked me if I was gay when we first met. Six months later she was pregnant, so I stand by my original post.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> this has been going on with slow for almost 6 months.... thats a long time for a man over 40 to not make a move


And it's a long time for a woman in her 30s to wait for a man to make a move... Especially so, if "touch" is one of your primary love languages.

My point is that your behavior is just as responsible for the situation, as his behavior was.

Be honest about why it's not working, and examine your own mistakes so you can do better next time.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> this has been going on with slow for almost 6 months.... thats a long time for a man over 40 to not make a move


Have you just sat down with him to let him know exactly how you feel about him and would like it to go to the next step? If you have been upfront on how much you like him and want to continue on a more serious level and its still been slow for 6 months, its time to let him go.

If you have not had a serious "I like you, I want us to get more involved" conversation it might be time. Its not fair to either one of you to be wishy washy this long. Ain't no one got time for that!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Pbartender said:


> Okay, I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate here for a bit.
> 
> Unsure keeps talking about Slow Hat, and everybody keeps thinking there's something wrong with him for not jumping her bones as soon as she smiled his way, but...
> 
> First, to echo Vi's words, just b/c a man has a penis doesn't mean he wants to push it into every pretty girl he meets. There are plenty of men who don't have physical attractiveness as their highest priority for sexual attraction (myself included). And there are plenty of men who are willing and able to show a modicum of self-restraint when it comes to physical affection.
> 
> Now, Unsure has said herself that she's teased him about going too slow... She doubts his reasons for canceling dates or for holding back... She harasses him about not cuddling with her and not kissing her... She constantly questions whether he's actually interested in her... And now, she actually comes out and asks him if he's gay, for crying out loud!
> 
> And then she wonders why he seems distant and uninterested when she tries to cuddle with him? A beautiful woman that he's interested in openly and continuously questions his masculinity... How would you expect him to react? Of course he's going to back off!
> 
> At the same time, she continues to reel him back in by accepting dates with him, and trying to cuddle with him and kiss him.
> 
> Unsure, we all love you dearly here, but I've got to be bluntly honest because you haven't been getting the hint...
> 
> With Slow Hat, you were showing all the same BPD/NPD-like push-pull dynamics that many of the rest of us complain about with our Xs and STBXs. And whatever problems he may or may not have himself, the way you have been dealing with him hasn't been helping.
> 
> The bottom line is... For the first time, Unsure, you've run into a guy who didn't have his hands all over you simply because you're beautiful. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. It could mean that you may have to revise your expectations for men.
> 
> You didn't know how to handle it. Learn to. Otherwise, you'll never be able to hang on to a guy who's interested in more than just your body.


Ok. Let me play some Devil's advocate myself. Let me say that I would be described by many as a slow mover. I'm not cuddling, I'm not touching or doing anything until I am completely sure about the other person's genuine intentions. Now, does that mean I cancel dates? NOPE. It means I don't get into the physical. I will spend a ton of time getting to know someone. LOTS of COMMUNICATION and time spent together. My rebound actually asked me if I was gay. So, there. I laughed about it. WHY? Because I am secure in who I am and what I am doing. I have plan and a reason. It works for me.

The truth is that if you are going to take it slow you [email protected] well better communicate about why you are taking it slow. FACT IS, he is the leader. He dictates how this goes. I can guarantee you that if he was emotionally investing the majority of his free time into learning her and her interest, she would not be pushing. If he communicated what, when, why, and how, this would not be a problem.

Women are emotional, men are logical. If you are going to go slow with a woman, she better understand why you are doing it and your actions better back it up. Of course, you give them just a little at a time to keep the mysteriousness of everything like peeling back an onion. 

She has a therapist which she sees which says something about her commitment to being healthy.....does he?

PBartender---we are talking about a LONG drawn out thing here with slow hat. Not a couple of months.


----------



## badcompany

is all I'm at liberty to say about my weekend.


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> Ok. Let me play some Devil's advocate myself. Let me say that I would be described by many as a slow mover. I'm not cuddling, I'm not touching or doing anything until I am completely sure about the other person's genuine intentions. Now, does that mean I cancel dates? NOPE. It means I don't get into the physical. I will spend a ton of time getting to know someone. LOTS of COMMUNICATION and time spent together. My rebound actually asked me if I was gay. So, there. I laughed about it. WHY? Because I am secure in who I am and what I am doing. I have plan and a reason. It works for me.
> 
> The truth is that if you are going to take it slow you [email protected] well better communicate about why you are taking it slow. FACT IS, he is the leader. He dictates how this goes. I can guarantee you that if he was emotionally investing the majority of his free time into learning her and her interest, she would not be pushing. If he communicated what, when, why, and how, this would not be a problem.
> 
> Women are emotional, men are logical. If you are going to go slow with a woman, she better understand why you are doing it and your actions better back it up. Of course, you give them just a little at a time to keep the mysteriousness of everything like peeling back an onion.
> 
> She has a therapist which she sees which says something about her commitment to being healthy.....does he?


I won't argue with that in the slightest.

All I'm saying is that we've been focusing a lot on Slow Hat, and that perhaps Unsure should take a look at her methods as well. So that next time, she can either find a way to work with the slow-mover, or recognize it for what it is and end it before it stretches out into 6 months of Friend Zone.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Pbartender said:


> I won't argue with that in the slightest.
> 
> All I'm saying is that we've been focusing a lot on Slow Hat, and that perhaps Unsure should take a look at her methods as well. So that next time, she can either find a way to work with the slow-mover, or recognize it for what it is and end it before it stretches out into 6 months of Friend Zone.


Absolutely. Seems to be a communication breakdown. This is why I am so analytical with people at the beginning. So I see stupidness and don't waste my time.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Have you just sat down with him to let him know exactly how you feel about him and would like it to go to the next step? If you have been upfront on how much you like him and want to continue on a more serious level and its still been slow for 6 months, its time to let him go.
> 
> If you have not had a serious "I like you, I want us to get more involved" conversation it might be time. Its not fair to either one of you to be wishy washy this long. Ain't no one got time for that!


yes we have had that conversation and his response has been "I warm up slowly".... 

so yes i like him and i enjoy time with him but to not be sitting around waiting for something to happen i continue to date others...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> *when i went over there HE invited ME to watch a tv in his BED, knowing that we would be cuddling... generally if a man invites you in to his bed he is interested in more than just watching tv and cuddling
> *
> I have not pushed him to do anything he doesn't want to do, i have been consistent in telling him that i like him, i have been consistent in trying to make time for us to spend together so he can become more comfortable with me
> 
> this has been going on with slow for almost 6 months.... thats a long time for a man over 40 to not make a move


Ok, so at this point, SIX MONTHS IN, why did you not just shove your hand down his pants and your tongue in his mouth?? Kind of like, sh!t or get off the pot already! I am a physical kind of girl too, and no way would I be able to deal with this wishy washy crap, its beyond just being slow.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, so at this point, SIX MONTHS IN, why did you not just shove your hand down his pants and your tongue in his mouth?? Kind of like, sh!t or get off the pot already! I am a physical kind of girl too, and no way would I be able to deal with this wishy washy crap, its beyond just being slow.


because i respect if he wasnt ready...

and at this point i consider him a friend either way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> yes we have had that conversation and his response has been "I warm up slowly"....
> 
> so yes i like him and i enjoy time with him but to not be sitting around waiting for something to happen i continue to date others...


I don't remember if you ever mentioned it, but did Slow Hat know that you were dating other men? Or that you were sleeping with Killer Hat?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Ok, so at this point, SIX MONTHS IN, why did you not just shove your hand down his pants and your tongue in his mouth?? Kind of like, sh!t or get off the pot already! I am a physical kind of girl too, and no way would I be able to deal with this wishy washy crap, its beyond just being slow.


PRECISELY! I would never invite a girl to watch tv in my bed if I was still not ready for the physical. 6 months is not (I'm interested in more than her body talk)..... Maybe 2 months........



> yes we have had that conversation and his response has been "I warm up slowly"....


Great follow up question: "Slow hat, can you help me understand what your definition of slowly is?" Obviously, it is different than most people's.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> yes we have had that conversation and his response has been "I warm up slowly"....
> 
> so yes i like him and i enjoy time with him but *to not be sitting around waiting for something to happen i continue to date others...*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe that is why he doesn't want to get involved strongly with you. He thinks if he gets serious you are just going to "continue to date others" and he wants exclusive rights to you.

But with that being said I personally would have given up a long time ago. It only takes me a couple times of being rejected before I move on.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Maybe that is why he doesn't want to get involved strongly with you. He thinks if he gets serious you are just going to "continue to date others" and he wants exclusive rights to you.


Simple answer: Be a man, fight for her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Simple answer: Be a man, fight for her.


Ugh. Lol.


----------



## unsure78

yes he knows im dating... i have said to him point blank that, when you are ready to start really dating me (ie more than once a month) i will be more than happy to only be seeing you "slow"

uhh no i didnt tell him i was sleeping with killer...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> Ugh. Lol.


.......I'm sorry. I have no tolerance anymore for men who make men look like pansies. It's a hardline approach...........lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> .......I'm sorry. I have no tolerance anymore for men who make men look like pansies. It's a hardline approach...........lol


And I'd tell any woman who's dating (and sleeping) with multiple men to try staying single for a month or two before attempting to commit to one man.

Plus, if I got the "I'm ready to date when you are" and then found out she was sleeping with someone, I'd show her the door.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> And I'd tell any woman who's dating (and sleeping) with multiple men to try staying single for a month or two before attempting to commit to one man.
> 
> Plus, if I got the "I'm ready to date when you are" and then found out she was sleeping with someone, I'd show her the door.


Well, you and I have boundries. You are right. However, I have a feeling that you or I wouldn't be in this scenario to being with.


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> .......I'm sorry. I have no tolerance anymore for men who make men look like pansies. It's a hardline approach...........lol


And I think men who slobber and drool all over women and have to fight and sacrifice themselves look like pansies


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> I have no tolerance anymore for men who make men look like pansies.


I'm sorry... Any man who "fights" for a woman just because that woman puts herself into a situation where he must fight for her makes other men look like pansies just as well.

And any man who has enough self-confidence and self-respect to stand up to that sort of woman and walk away from her is no pansy.


----------



## unsure78

Up you know im not sleeping with multiple men thats not my style... in fact when i found out killer was sleeping with other women i showed him the door....

i am at heart a one man girl... i prefer a long term relationship, but in this case im protecting my self and doing whats best for myself by seeing others... or else i would be sitting around waiting for slow

killer actually started up in one of slows absenses...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> And I think men who slobber and drool all over women and have to fight and sacrifice themselves look like pansies


Slobber and drool? Sorry, don't understand. How are you slobbering or drooling by communicating and going through an actual dating progression as an adult?

Are you saying you shouldn't have to put effort into dating?


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Great follow up question: "Slow hat, can you help me understand what your definition of slowly is?" Obviously, it is different than most people's.


:iagree:

Do you know his reasons for being "slow"? Or is there not alot of discussion regarding why he is at where he is at emotionally? I mean I'm assuming you know each others back stories quite well after 6 months. Just seems you would have found the smoking gun by now of his hesitation...or at least had an idea of where it is coming from. 

The disappearing for weeks makes me think there is another woman somewhere but thats just my paranoid nature analyzing the game playing he is doing.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> And I'd tell any woman who's dating (and sleeping) with multiple men to try staying single for a month or two before attempting to commit to one man.
> *
> Plus, if I got the "I'm ready to date when you are" and then found out she was sleeping with someone, I'd show her the door.*


I mentioned in another thread here, that my Mr NoChem had brought a third woman into our little mess to start dating, and I found her and let her in on him sleeping with me and that other woman while starting to date her. She and I had a long online conversation about everything that had gone on, and she then later had a long conversation with him. He evidently pulled out the smooth talk because she chose to keep seeing him!  She at first had told me that she was done, then says she's going to give him a chance after talking to him. :scratchhead: Anyway, I told her that she can contact me any time if she is questioning what he says and I will be honest with her. 

Yes I am pissed as hell and jealous because he really likes this woman and wants to date her exclusively...that was all I ever wanted with him. So I had both good and evil intentions by telling her. Were that me, I would want to know. I knew he wouldnt see me any more after that, so that chapter is over for me. Now to work on myself, and find someone who actually wants to be with ONLY me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> The disappearing for weeks makes me think there is another woman somewhere but thats just my paranoid nature analyzing the game playing he is doing.


That has been my inclination.............. and, yes, he is acting like a pansy.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> That has been my inclination.............. and, yes, he is acting like a pansy.


its possible but i dont think so about another girl... now killer, yea my cwi spidey sense was tingling, after the phone started disappearing when we were together when previously he carried it and the reluctance to show me his house... yea... but with slow i dont get that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> Up you know im not sleeping with multiple men thats not my style... in fact when i found out killer was sleeping with other women i showed him the door....
> 
> i am at heart a one man girl... i prefer a long term relationship, but in this case im protecting my self and doing whats best for myself by seeing others... or else i would be sitting around waiting for slow
> 
> killer actually started up in one of slows absenses...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not judging you, for myself though I simply couldn't keep myself in a situation such as this. Which is why I said "Ugh" to the "fight for her" mentality.

A woman has just as much power to go up to a man she's interested in and lay it out on the line. "I want something long term with you, if you aren't able to provide this then we need to go our separate ways".

6 months? Really? I'm curious to know why you'd even let this go that long ...


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm not judging you, for myself though I simply couldn't keep myself in a situation such as this. Which is why I said "Ugh" to the "fight for her" mentality.
> 
> A woman has just as much power to go up to a man she's interested in and lay it out on the line. "I want something long term with you, if you aren't able to provide this then we need to go our separate ways".
> 
> 6 months? Really? I'm curious to know why you'd even let this go that long ...



i dont know why i do... i keep deleting him everytime he runs away or breaks a date.... but then he texts again, and i think we can just be friends... but when we hang out i get smitten with him... he makes me laugh, we have great banter, we enjoy a lot of the same things, and i like his values... all i have learned from all these dates i go on is some people you just connect with, a lot you dont, he is one that i do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> 6 months? Really? I'm curious to know why you'd even let this go that long ...


And this is where the "fight for her" mentality came from , UP. 6 months. 6 months...............................


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> A woman has just as much power to go up to a man she's interested in and lay it out on the line. "I want something long term with you, if you aren't able to provide this then we need to go our separate ways".


I thought unsure did this and then cut it with slow b/c he wasn't really on board. 

Just make sure you aren't selling yourself short, unsure. Slow may seem compatible but his actions seem to indicate otherwise.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> i dont know why i do... i keep deleting him everytime he runs away or breaks a date.... but then he texts again, and i think we can just be friends... but when we hang out i get smitten with him... he makes me laugh, we have great banter, we enjoy a lot of the same things, and i like his values... *all i have learned from all these dates i go on is some people you just connect with, a lot you dont, he is one that i do*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup, been there done that. But just b/c you have an amazing connection with someone doesn't mean they are good for you or your inner self. Learned that the hard way with Mexico hat. 

Don't compromise, Unsure. If there is something slow can't give you, its best to cut him and move on. Don't go through a bunch of heartache for nothing.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup, been there done that. But just b/c you have an amazing connection with someone doesn't mean they are good for you or your inner self. Learned that the hard way with Mexico hat.
> 
> Don't compromise, Unsure. If there is something slow can't give you, its best to cut him and move on. Don't go through a bunch of heartache for nothing.


and hence why im.continuing to date others...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> i dont know why i do... i keep deleting him everytime he runs away or breaks a date.... but then he texts again, and i think we can just be friends... but when we hang out i get smitten with him... he makes me laugh, we have great banter, we enjoy a lot of the same things, and i like his values... all i have learned from all these dates i go on is some people you just connect with, a lot you dont, he is one that i do
> Posted via Mobile Device


Cut him. You need to establish some boundries/dealbreakers for yourself moving forward. That way the decision on dating is NOT emotional. If you continue in this pattern, you end up with 2 people (you and slow) without boundries......=====bad deal.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> and hence why im.continuing to date others...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But why not cut slow out completely?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> And I think men who slobber and drool all over women and have to fight and sacrifice themselves look like pansies


:iagree:
that is why I hate Twilight.... wait those are not men in that movie.


----------



## Pbartender

Someone posted this article somewhere on the forums months ago. Might be worth reading again, here...

**** Yes or No


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I mentioned in another thread here, that my Mr NoChem had brought a third woman into our little mess to start dating, and I found her and let her in on him sleeping with me and that other woman while starting to date her. She and I had a long online conversation about everything that had gone on, and she then later had a long conversation with him. He evidently pulled out the smooth talk because she chose to keep seeing him!  She at first had told me that she was done, then says she's going to give him a chance after talking to him. :scratchhead: Anyway, I told her that she can contact me any time if she is questioning what he says and I will be honest with her.
> 
> Yes I am pissed as hell and jealous because he really likes this woman and wants to date her exclusively...that was all I ever wanted with him. So I had both good and evil intentions by telling her. Were that me, I would want to know. I knew he wouldnt see me any more after that, so that chapter is over for me. Now to work on myself, and find someone who actually wants to be with ONLY me.


I would too would be angry and jealous.
But what would you have done if he had picked you?


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> i dont know why i do... i keep deleting him everytime he runs away or breaks a date.... but then he texts again, and i think we can just be friends... but when we hang out i get smitten with him... he makes me laugh, we have great banter, we enjoy a lot of the same things, and i like his values... all i have learned from all these dates i go on is some people you just connect with, a lot you dont, he is one that i do


This is what happens when two people are both keeping each other as a "Plan B"... Both of them hooked. Both of them stringing the other along. Neither willing to definitively end it.

He doesn't have the benefit of TAM to tell him to end it. You do.

It's time to go back to basics, Unsure...

180. No contact.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> that is why I hate Twilight.... wait those are not men in that movie.


Of course, nobody ever said slobber/sacrified/drool/etc. I don't do that. I detest that type of activity. However, considering the specifics of this scenario.......Yeah, he needs to fight, *if he wants her*. Should have done it months ago. I suspect he doesn't.....hence the "no fight".

You are both "backburners" or as Pbar put it "Plan B".


----------



## 06Daddio08

Pbartender said:


> This is what happens when two people are both keeping each other as a "Plan B"... Both of them hooked. Both of them stringing the other along. Neither willing to definitively end it.
> 
> *He doesn't have the benefit of TAM* to tell him to end it. You do.
> 
> It's time to go back to basics, Unsure...
> 
> 180. No contact.


Haha. I laughed when I saw this. It's both a benefit and a curse. 

You're right about the Plan B thing, which is my personal take on dating others while waiting for 'the right one'. It's simply lining them up from Plan B, C, D and so forth.

The 6 month thing is a huge red flag, yet for whatever reason it's still 'allowed' to happen and continue on her end. I've only ever been with one woman (my ex) and in the 2 years separated I've had a chance to hook up with another. I turned it down because I simply wasn't okay with it ... or the foreseeable outcome afterwards.

I have no interest in sleeping with a woman within the first few dates, a mistake I made one and one time only with my ex ... but 6 months is bonkers.


----------



## badcompany

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, so at this point, SIX MONTHS IN, why did you not just shove your hand down his pants and your tongue in his mouth?? Kind of like, sh!t or get off the pot already! I am a physical kind of girl too, and no way would I be able to deal with this wishy washy crap, its beyond just being slow.


I'm with 3x at this point. If you feel like it's there but you're going to let him go for being slow what do you have to lose by trying to make a move? He might surprise you


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Someone posted this article somewhere on the forums months ago. Might be worth reading again, here...
> 
> **** Yes or No


This is one of the best artcles I have read and have applied this to not just my dating life but my friendships and social decisions in general. It really helps if you are bad at telling people no or have poor boundaries. 

If it doesn't feel like a "F* YES!!!!" dont' do it. Period.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

badcompany said:


> I'm with 3x at this point. If you feel like it's there but you're going to let him go for being slow what do you have to lose by trying to make a move? He might surprise you


Because one day down the road he is going to have to man up and pursue her. It's just how relationships work. If he is not into doing it now, it is going to create problems down the road. This has walk away written all over it. WALK AWAY, unsure.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> The 6 month thing is a huge red flag, yet for whatever reason it's still 'allowed' to happen and continue on her end. I've only ever been with one woman (my ex) and in the 2 years separated I've had a chance to hook up with another. *I turned it down because I simply wasn't okay with it ... or the foreseeable outcome afterwards.*


So it wasn't a F* yes, huh? lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> So it wasn't a F* yes, huh? lol


I straight up said to her, "so, if we slept together tonight and then I never called you again ... you'd be okay with it?"

She paused and then said "probably not, no".

That was that. Damn, I'm such a nice guy!


----------



## unsure78

sigh.... perhaps he is a plan b... i hadnt thought of him in thoes terms cause i do like him and i am willing to take it to the next level.... but with all this back and forth, yea maybe hes become my back up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> I straight up said to her, "so, if we slept together tonight and then I never called you again ... you'd be okay with it?"
> 
> She paused and then said "probably not, no".
> 
> That was that. Damn, I'm such a nice guy!


Sounds like your an upfront, honest, confident, know what you want kind of guy. A "nice guy" would have never asked that question to begin with. 

Where can I find that kind of blunt honesty and non game playing attitude? Damn.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> sigh.... perhaps he is a plan b... i hadnt thought of him in thoes terms cause i do like him and i am willing to take it to the next level.... but with all this back and forth, yea maybe hes become my back up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And it was exactly when I came to that realization with my "rebound", that I had to cut it off. I liked her.....yes, I did. But, other women still were interesting to me and I enjoyed them. It kind of sucks letting them go, but it is for the best!


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> It kind of sucks letting them go, but it is for the best!


Moreover, it's a necessary skill for us to learn...

Being unable to recognize a relationship that isn't working out, and being unable to end it is how most of ended up in this forum.

If we don't find a way to learn those two key things, we'll end up in the same place all over again and again.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> sigh.... perhaps he is a plan b... i hadnt thought of him in thoes terms cause i do like him and i am willing to take it to the next level.... but with all this back and forth, yea maybe hes become my back up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't understand your passive stance in all of this though, as if you have no control over whether or not this can go somewhere. If you want more, then *say* so. Don't settle for anything else other than what you're okay with.

If he cannot give you what he wants, yet you're willing to keep him around ... then you have some internal questions that need asking.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Moreover, it's a necessary skill for us to learn...
> 
> Being unable to recognize a relationship that isn't working out, and being unable to end it is how most of ended up in this forum.
> 
> If we don't find a way to learn those two key things, we'll end up in the same place all over again and again.


hey i let killer go...and he was trully gifted
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Moreover, it's a necessary skill for us to learn...
> 
> Being unable to recognize a relationship that isn't working out, and being unable to end it is how most of ended up in this forum.
> 
> If we don't find a way to learn those two key things, we'll end up in the same place all over again and again.


:iagree: 1,000,000,000,000 times

So as hard and painful as it is to cut out something that isn't working, there is alot more hardship and pain down the road if it is not cut when it should be.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> hey i let killer go...and he was trully gifted


You didn't emotionally invest in killer. You said so yourself.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't agree. Sounds like he is either 1) extremely insecure and is embarrassed about something. or 2) He is not being real.
> 
> I can tell you this.......any red blooded male would be on unsure like white on rice if they were "cuddling".


:iagree:



unsure78 said:


> slow has initiated a TON of sexual banter over text as well, but in person he does nothing.


Classic case of words not matching actions.

Something is up. Maybe there is someone else. Or maybe it's just the timing, Unsure. Perhaps he is not emotionally available to you. Maybe he is still hurt about his ex or caught up in that whole thing. I remember one guy had asked me out and we hung out a couple of times, while I was still separated/going through divorce. I went but made it clear I did not think of us as "dating" but "friends." He was clear that he liked me. Looking back, I should not have gone out with him at all after that was established because he wanted something I could not give him. Emotionally I was sooo far off from even thinking about dating someone else. I just couldn't give my heart to him or anyone else cause I was still hung up/reeling from the end of my marriage with Mr. ExJelly.




unsure78 said:


> he is the one who tells me he likes me, then disappears off the face of the earth for several weeks ( hes done that a few times now) only to reappear and initiate a few weeks later.


Again, words don't match actions. Ugh.



badcompany said:


> is all I'm at liberty to say about my weekend.


Lucky!!! 



06Daddio08 said:


> I have no interest in sleeping with a woman within the first few dates, a mistake I made one and one time only with my ex ... but 6 months is bonkers.


How long do you wait?


----------



## unsure78

cr&p now im thinking about amazing killer in bed... i need a cold shower
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> You didn't emotionally invest in killer. You said so yourself.


And despite previous red flags, it took blatant infidelity to get it done.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> hey i let killer go...and he was trully gifted
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You let him go after you found out he was sleeping with others?


----------



## ne9907

Everyone is talking about dating worries and here I am worrying because I backed into a car and scratched my car... I didn't realize it until I arrived at my destination. I didn't leave a note on the other car either....
Karma is going to be after me. DAMN! on top of all these end of year nostalgia.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Someone posted this article somewhere on the forums months ago. Might be worth reading again, here...
> 
> **** Yes or No


What an amazing article! Thanks for posting it. Thoroughly enjoyed it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> You didn't emotionally invest in killer. You said so yourself.


And therein lies the difference!

NE-hope it was something minor!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> And therein lies the difference!
> 
> NE-hope it was something minor!


very minor... just a tiny scratch.


----------



## Pbartender

ne9907 said:


> Everyone is talking about dating worries and here I am worrying because I backed into a car and scratched my car... I didn't realize it until I arrived at my destination. I didn't leave a note on the other car either....
> Karma is going to be after me. DAMN! on top of all these end of year nostalgia.


I'm a little worried about playing my trumpet with the band at the my town's New Year Eve celebration tomorrow night... It's supposed to single digit temperatures.

I'd hate to have my tongue freeze to my mouth piece.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Oh, and just fyi......I finally got to plow. Lot's of plowing. Tons of plowing. Now, I'm sore and I'm drained. Life is good.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I would too would be angry and jealous.
> But what would you have done if he had picked you?


What would I have done, like, if he chose to be exclusive with me? I would have been happy and kept putting my best effort into things to make it work. He already had my heart. 

He is a perfect example of what these dating sites can do to nice guys. He realizes finally what I had been saying all along about it. I hope other guys who use the sites take note.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> And despite previous red flags, it took blatant infidelity to get it done.


he wasnt long term, i knew it, he was for "fun" only... however to be 100% honsest he was the first guy i have ever let go... exh was cheating and i didnt let him go... I know it sounds stupid but it is improvement for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> How long do you wait?


Honestly, I don't have a written down 'rule' for it but I know myself ... if I go right for it asap it will most likely cause me problems. I'd much prefer to get to know her before getting into bed, although ... not 6 months worth of getting to know her and I wouldn't be okay with 6 months from the other side of the pond either.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> he wasnt long term, i knew it, he was for "fun" only... however to be 100% honsest he was the first guy i have ever let go... exh was cheating and i didnt let him go... I know it sounds stupid but it is improvement for me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So get more practice and let slow hat go


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> he wasnt long term, i knew it, he was for "fun" only... however to be 100% honsest he was the first guy i have ever let go... exh was cheating and i didnt let him go... I know it sounds stupid but it is improvement for me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It doesn't sounds stupid, it sounds codependent.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It doesn't sounds stupid, it sounds codependent.


of course... its why most of us landed here on TAM...

its my battle, im in therapy... it will prob always be my battle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

I wonder if it's more simple and slow hat is (e.g.) Nervous about the size of his wang or something

I need to know pretty early on whether or not there's going to be fireworks in bed - I would have had to jump him by now. At least if he rejects you after you've put your boobs in his face you'd have an answer one way or the other
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Dang I got an "I'm interested" reply from a random "Hi want to chat" I threw out last night to someone on Match. That's great and all but I am busy as hell at the moment and don't really have a lot of time to date. I really wasn't expecting a response either lol
Sucks cause shes hot and local ahhhhhh this always happens I swear.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I wonder if it's more simple and slow hat is (e.g.) Nervous about the size of his wang or something
> 
> I need to know pretty early on whether or not there's going to be fireworks in bed - I would have had to jump him by now. At least if he rejects you after you've put your boobs in his face you'd have an answer one way or the other


Or, another solution.....tequila. It worked for me!


----------



## Dollystanford

Brits don't need tequila to be slvtty 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Brits don't need tequila to be slvtty


LOL. I actually meant to use on the dude. I was fairly nervous about all that stuff initially after my divorce. Solved by tequila....


----------



## Dollystanford

Ooh shy ones make the best prey
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Oh, and just fyi......I finally got to plow. Lot's of plowing. Tons of plowing. Now, I'm sore and I'm drained. Life is good.


I think this may be a euphemism for sex. :scratchhead: Either way, happy plowing! 



unsure78 said:


> he wasnt long term, i knew it, he was for "fun" only... however to be 100% *honsest he was the first guy i have ever let go*... exh was cheating and i didnt let him go... I* know it sounds stupid but it is improvement for me*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think it sounds stupid at all. It sounds like you are turning a new leaf. At last, with killer. You realized it wasn't working and you cut him off. GOOD. We are all a work in progress.



Dollystanford said:


> I wonder if it's more simple and slow hat is (e.g.) Nervous about the size of his wang or something


:rofl::rofl::rofl: Love this so much. Dolly, you are so funny! 

This reminds me of one guy I was going on dates with. He wasn't very handsy. I loved how respectful he was of me but I could not stand it any longer and when he hugged me goodbye, way too long, I planted one on his lips. And ten another. And ooh la la. I'm not usually one to make the first move but I seriously wanted to pounce him.



Another Planet said:


> That's great and all but I am busy as hell at the moment and don't really have a lot of time to date. I really wasn't expecting a response either lol
> Sucks cause shes hot and local ahhhhhh this always happens I swear.


Make time!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Dollystanford said:


> Ooh shy ones make the best prey
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Apparently so......:smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

I need to find me a Brit gal here in Canada.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> hey i let killer go...and he was trully gifted
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





unsure78 said:


> cr&p now im thinking about amazing killer in bed... i need a cold shower
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A big d!ck is not a 'gift,' especially if he was sharing it with others. I know you well enough to know that you want more out of a relationship than just a guy's d!ck. Hell, you've stuck with slow hat for months and you've never seen his yet! 

Stop selling yourself short, Unsure. 




unsure78 said:


> he wasnt long term, i knew it, he was for "fun" only... however to be 100% honsest he was the first guy i have ever let go... exh was cheating and i didnt let him go... I know it sounds stupid but it is improvement for me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Pbartender said:


> And despite previous red flags, it took blatant infidelity to get it done.





unsure78 said:


> of course... its why most of us landed here on TAM...
> 
> its my battle, im in therapy... it will prob always be my battle
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's a defeatist attitude. It becomes less and less of a battle the more you exercise a different set of skills. And that comes primarily from seeing yourself differently. That, to me personally, is the thing that will probably always be my battle. But codependence and a lack of boundaries is less of a battle all the time. And I think a lot of us on TAM are getting there. There's nothing magical about changing the way you are in a relationship. It's risky and it's scary. Probably none of us here like conflict, and none of us look forward to rejection. And those things are possible when we speak up for what we want and need in a relationship, romantic or friendship or family. 

But what is the point of hanging on to a relationship that is unfulfilling at best, and which tears us down at worst? 

I had someone that I liked, but was in limbo as to his feelings or where things might go. And I was too afraid to bring it up, for fear of 'losing him.' That was a beginner's mistake that, thankfully, I learned from. Later, I had to tell someone that I wasn't going to be a Plan B. That if I wasn't his "Fvck Yeah," then I was fine on my own. And I had this little voice inside of me saying "Well, listen to you, Little Miss IC and Support Groups!" :rofl: I'm not sure I really even believe that I deserve to be someone's "Fvck Yeah," but I DO know that I do not deserve to be a Plan B or someone that a guy settles for. I've been on my own. I've have bad, loveless sex with my ex, and a long dry spell. I know what I DON'T want, and I know what I can live with while I'm waiting. So I'm happy to wait for something good. Amazingly, the fear of being alone, that was so paralyzing, even during the worst of my marriage, never even materialized. 

Codependence does not have to be a lifelong battle.


----------



## bandit.45

D!cks and boobs, d!cks and boobs. 

Bunch 'a pervs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> A big d!ck is not a 'gift,' especially if he was sharing it with others. I know you well enough to know that you want more out of a relationship than just a guy's d!ck. Hell, you've stuck with slow hat for months and you've never seen his yet!
> 
> Stop selling yourself short, Unsure.


This is so full of WIN!!! :smthumbup:



angelpixie said:


> I had someone that I liked, but was in limbo as to his feelings or where things might go. And I was too afraid to bring it up, for fear of 'losing him.' *That was a beginner's mistake* that, thankfully, I learned from. *Later, I had to tell someone that I wasn't going to be a Plan B. That if I wasn't his "Fvck Yeah," then I was fine on my own.*
> 
> I know what I DON'T want, and I know what I can live with while I'm waiting. So I'm happy to wait for something good. Amazingly, the fear of being alone, that was so paralyzing, even during the worst of my marriage, never even materialized.
> 
> Codependence does not have to be a lifelong battle.


Preach on, ViBride! :iagree:


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> I know it sounds stupid but it is improvement for me


_"Practice yourself, for heaven's sake, in little things; and thence proceed to greater."_

_"Whatever you would make habitual, practice it; and if you would not make a thing habitual, do not practice it, but accustom yourself to something else."_

*- Epictetus*


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Make time!


Yeah I have actually already noticed I am shuffling things around to start opening up time, must be a sub conscience thing. It's funny how my brain works.
BUT my mother and sister and her daughter are staying with me at the moment if that tells you anything. One week done one more to go lol Then the recovery phase that usually takes a week or two...


----------



## Jellybeans

Surrounded by women, 'ey? Haha. Reminds me of my dad growing up. He was almost always the only guy around surrounded by crazy a55 women. Funny.

I say, schedule a coffee date with her. It will do you good to get out some. And you said yourself she's a hottie!  Work on your flirting!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> This is so full of WIN!!! :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Preach on, ViBride! :iagree:


I would if I did it, but that was courtesy of the very awesome Angel


----------



## Dollystanford

06Daddio08 said:


> I need to find me a Brit gal here in Canada.


Hey Up darling I'm sure there's some slvtty types in Canada, I mean all the Canadian TAMmers were married to them AMIRIGHT?


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> D!cks and boobs, d!cks and boobs.
> 
> Bunch 'a pervs!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most Hawaiian Songs are about just those topics. We get away with it, well because it is all in Hawaiian. 

"plucking your ulu (breadfruit), has more than one meaning"


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Bunch 'a pervs!


You love us.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Hey Up darling I'm sure there's some slvtty types in Canada, I mean all the Canadian TAMmers were married to them AMIRIGHT?


The Canadian ones seem to go for Americans.


----------



## Dollystanford

British girls love Canadian guys. Trust me on that heh heh


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, I never really spent much time talking about my "rebound" on TAM but the whole "Slow hat" discussion got me thinking. (thanks unsure lol) So, if I had to really put it out there, "rebound" was immensely beautiful. She was funny, the connection was pretty dynamic......well, it was crazy dynamic. The sex was the best I had ever had up until that time....period. There were some red flags, from her that I chose to overlook because of the emotional dynamics.

So, what are the effects of overlooking "deal breakers" in order to pursue that crazy fun connection? For starters, breaking up was horrible. I think it was even worse for me. I knew I had to do it. She had so many codependent traits. There were a couple of times she tried to make me feel guilty for doing my own thing or going out with my friends. I KNEW, down the road, that would be a BIG issue in a LTR. As the initial emotional high wore off, it would be a huge boulder in the way to developing a deep mutually respectful love for each other.

The emotional connection made me hang on for a month or two too long. Every time I wanted to bring it up, we would end up in the sack. She was just to hot to turn down.  As I look at the effects of that relationship, it has impacted me. I believe it made my healing (from my divorce) take longer than expected. It made me be VERY conservative moving forward. (specifically with my gf) 

I guess the moral of the story is.....the fog exists, not just in affairs. Deal breakers are necessary for keeping you on the straight and narrow. SEX is powerful! Great sex is almost impossible to walk away from....Every time you make a great emotional connection and you lose it, it hurts. SO, be careful with your heart.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, I never really spent much time talking about my "rebound" on TAM but the whole "Slow hat" discussion got me thinking. (thanks unsure lol) So, if I had to really put it out there, "rebound" was immensely beautiful. She was funny, the connection was pretty dynamic......well, it was crazy dynamic. The sex was the best I had ever had up until that time....period. There were some red flags, from her that I chose to overlook because of the emotional dynamics.
> 
> So, what are the effects of overlooking "deal breakers" in order to pursue that crazy fun connection? For starters, breaking up was horrible. I think it was even worse for me. I knew I had to do it. She had so many codependent traits. There were a couple of times she tried to make me feel guilty for doing my own thing or going out with my friends. I KNEW, down the road, that would be a BIG issue in a LTR. As the initial emotional high wore off, it would be a huge boulder in the way to developing a deep mutually respectful love for each other.
> 
> The emotional connection made me hang on for a month or two too long. Every time I wanted to bring it up, we would end up in the sack. She was just to hot to turn down.  As I look at the effects of that relationship, it has impacted me. I believe it made my healing (from my divorce) take longer than expected. It made me be VERY conservative moving forward. (specifically with my gf)
> 
> I guess the moral of the story is.....the fog exists, not just in affairs. Deal breakers are necessary for keeping you on the straight and narrow. *SEX is powerful! Great sex is almost impossible to walk away from....*Every time you make a great emotional connection and you lose it, it hurts. SO, be careful with your heart.


AMEN to this. 

Was the clingy, codependent thing the red flag or were there others?


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> There were some red flags, from her that I chose to overlook because of the emotional dynamics.


This happens to a lot of us.
As soon as those pesky "feelings" get involved, it seems all caution goes out the window. INSANE. 

I hear what you are saying. On wanting to go slow. I do not want to sleep with just anyone now. Believe me when I say that I am super sexually frustrated and haven't gotten laid in forever but alas, I can't just do it with anyone. There has to be a connection.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> This happens to a lot of us.
> As soon as those pesky "feelings" get involved, it seems all caution goes out the window. INSANE.
> 
> I hear what you are saying. On wanting to go slow. I do not want to sleep with just anyone now. Believe me when I say that I am super sexually frustrated and haven't gotten laid in forever but alas, I can't just do it with anyone. There has to be a connection.


I wont be doing the sex without exclusivity thing again in the future. I KNEW it was something that I normally would not do for a reason.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Was the clingy, codependent thing the red flag or were there others?


There were others. She let me drag out the initial phases way too much. A lot of texting. Very few dates. (the discussion today reminded me of myself) Then, things heated up. It always bothered me that she was just "there" waiting for me. She didn't have healthy boundries. Everything was always done on my terms, but she wouldn't tell me until a day later if she was mad about something.....UGH.

I literally could have treated her however I wanted to, and she would have took it. I didn't like that..... at all.


----------



## Dollystanford

See I'm different on the sex thing. I would actually happily do it with no emotional connection. For me, once the emotional connection starts (rare) then I'm balls out, all in

I can have sex without love but once i'm in love then it's game over 

But the way I see it, so what if you get hurt again? Life is about highs and lows and joy and pain. You can spend your whole life trying to protect yourself from it but what life is that?


----------



## angelpixie

The hardest part of it all is to learn that, even though you don't go looking for pain, it's going to happen anyway at some point -- and that it's all about learning how to survive it. That's the one part we can control. I know I'm a lot less fearful than I was even a year ago at this time.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> See I'm different on the sex thing. I would actually happily do it with no emotional connection.


And see, for me, I do not want to drop my panties for some random Joe. I can't. I am not built that way.  Wish I could be more liberated about it but over the years, I've noticed, I can't. 

There has got to be a connection/chemistry somewhere for that to happen for me. If it's just some guy I am dating and not feeling very into, I don't want to sleep with him. 

It's more rare for me to want to sleep with someone than not.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I wont be doing the sex without exclusivity thing again in the future. I KNEW it was something that I normally would not do for a reason.


It's all about trial and error, too. So don't beat yourself up about it. I think in your case you thought that since he kept coming around, he would warm to you. Also, you were very attracted to him. Sometimes we don't have the "exclusivity" talk but the connection is there.

Gosh I feel like I sound like a grandma. Do I? Do I sound like a prude? FvCK. LOL.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> See I'm different on the sex thing. I would actually happily do it with no emotional connection. For me, once the emotional connection starts (rare) then I'm balls out, all in
> 
> I can have sex without love but once i'm in love then it's game over


:iagree: 

Sex is fun! But once that emotional connection is there its not just "fun". Its connecting. Its raw. Its vulnerable. Its passion. Its expressing your love for a person in the most intimate way possible. 

VI fun sex is way different than VI emotional sex. Anyone who experiences the latter is one lucky son of a b!tch. Hope someday I find someone worthy of giving myself to in that way again. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having fun...but eventually I want way more than that.


----------



## Dollystanford

Just different to me, I prefer no feelings, far less complicated 

Although I am feeling lots of feelings for my new hat. I'm hurtling down the mountain-side and I don't have any brakes...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> It's all about trial and error, too. So don't beat yourself up about it. I think in your case you thought that since he kept coming around, he would warm to you. Also, you were very attracted to him. Sometimes we don't have the "exclusivity" talk but the connection is there.
> 
> Gosh I feel like I sound like a grandma. Do I? Do I sound like a prude? FvCK. LOL.


Yes, this was it exactly! When someone is acting like your boyfriend, you think that its just a matter of time and staying with it, and treating him well for him to finally realize that you are THE ONE. And, no you do not sound like a prude at all!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Sex is fun! But once that emotional connection is there its not just "fun". Its connecting. Its raw. Its vulnerable. Its passion. Its expressing your love for a person in the most intimate way possible.


That is the BEST kind of sex. 



vi_bride04 said:


> VI fun sex is way different than VI emotional sex. *Anyone who experiences the latter is one lucky son of a b!tch.* Hope someday I find someone worthy of giving myself to in that way again.


Oh and you WILL!!! ::twitches nose like Samantha in Bewitched and sprinkles fairy dust at Vi-Bride::


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Dollystanford said:


> See I'm different on the sex thing. I would actually happily do it with no emotional connection. For me, once the emotional connection starts (rare) then I'm balls out, all in
> 
> I can have sex without love but once i'm in love then it's game over
> 
> But the way I see it, so what if you get hurt again? Life is about highs and lows and joy and pain. You can spend your whole life trying to protect yourself from it but what life is that?


LOL. I'm not saying don't go for it! I'm saying do it with eyes wide open!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Or shut tight in ecstasy


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Or shut tight in ecstasy



^^^ Now, _that_ is a win!! (in more ways than one) :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Okay, I'm going to play the Devil's Advocate here for a bit.
> 
> Unsure keeps talking about Slow Hat, and everybody keeps thinking there's something wrong with him for not jumping her bones as soon as she smiled his way, but...
> 
> First, to echo Vi's words, just b/c a man has a penis doesn't mean he wants to push it into every pretty girl he meets. There are plenty of men who don't have physical attractiveness as their highest priority for sexual attraction (myself included). And there are plenty of men who are willing and able to show a modicum of self-restraint when it comes to physical affection.
> 
> Now, Unsure has said herself that she's teased him about going too slow... She doubts his reasons for canceling dates or for holding back... She harasses him about not cuddling with her and not kissing her... She constantly questions whether he's actually interested in her... And now, she actually comes out and asks him if he's gay, for crying out loud!
> 
> And then she wonders why he seems distant and uninterested when she tries to cuddle with him? A beautiful woman that he's interested in openly and continuously questions his masculinity... How would you expect him to react? Of course he's going to back off!
> 
> 
> 
> @@ Yep exactly , well said pb.
> And so much of that stuff would turn a guy off too.
> l've known absolute stunners l don't want to jump myself , doesn't mean anything.
> And even if l did l'd make her wait if she was just expecting me to be like everyone else , especially if she rubbed it in.
> He could be much more of a man than you give him credit for or , he's not happy about something or, he's just not into you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Mr NoChem just called to inform me that he and that woman are going to be exclusive. Nice. Thanks.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Mr NoChem just called to inform me that he and that woman are going to be exclusive. Nice. Thanks.



At least you have closure. She probably made him do it...
I am so sorry


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Just b/c a woman has a vagina doesn't mean she wants to push a baby out of it. There are plenty of women who don't want a family (myself included)



Didn't say all , but l reckon 95% of girls l've ever met, even the hardest of them have ended up wanting kids in the end. Don't shoot the messenger :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> At least you have closure. She probably made him do it...
> I am so sorry


Thanks, ne. Even though she was nice, only a desperate woman would commit to someone after learning the stuff she did.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks, ne. Even though she was nice, only a desperate woman would commit to someone after learning the stuff she did.


it sucks for sure, just know what the feelings you are having will pass and you will feel better maybe not in the morning but soon!~


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> it sucks for sure, just know what the feelings you are having will pass and you will feel better maybe not in the morning but soon!~


Thank you, I really appreciate the support! I need it. I was incredibly stupid for allowing myself to be in this situation, now I am paying for that stupidity.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> At least you have closure. She probably made him do it...
> I am so sorry


i agree...sorry 3x ...shes making a mistake taking him.on thats for.sure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> i agree...sorry 3x ...shes making a mistake taking him.on thats for.sure
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, he will be an awesome boyfriend.  I just think she is a fool making the choice with the information she was given. Does that make any sense??


----------



## angelpixie

But with what you know about him, how can you be sure he'll be an awesome boyfriend?

Don't get hung up on the fact that she'll get Mr. NoChem and you don't. Remember that you did the right thing by cutting loose someone who was happy to take advantage of the feelings he knew you had for him, while he was also seeing someone else. And that he hid that from her.

She's the pathetic one, for sticking with him.

You should respect yourself for cutting him lose. Find yourself someone with whom you have mutual chemistry, and who has NO qualms about being exclusive. You deserve it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

angelpixie said:


> But with what you know about him, how can you be sure he'll be an awesome boyfriend?
> 
> Don't get hung up on the fact that she'll get Mr. NoChem and you don't. Remember that you did the right thing by cutting loose someone who was happy to take advantage of the feelings he knew you had for him, while he was also seeing someone else. And that he hid that from her.
> 
> She's the pathetic one, for sticking with him.
> 
> You should respect yourself for cutting him lose. Find yourself someone with whom you have mutual chemistry, and who has NO qualms about being exclusive. You deserve it.


Thanks Angel.  It was hard to do, but I just couldnt let things continue as they were. Here I did her a favor, basically handed him to her, bleh. BUT, on the evil glee side of things, I have planted so many doubts and questions in her head, that he is going to have to deal with that for some time. :smthumbup: He is working third shift for a few weeks, and she was already asking him if yesterday when he was supposed to be sleeping if he was with me! :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Well that sounds like it's going to go swimmingly


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Mr NoChem just called to inform me that he and that woman are going to be exclusive. Nice. Thanks.


Why is he still calling you? It seems odd to me. IF anything, after you outed him to all the ladies, you'd think he'd want to cut off contact with you. He sounds like a dum-dum.



3Xnocharm said:


> Thank you, I really appreciate the support! I need it. I was incredibly stupid for allowing myself to be in this situation, now I am paying for that stupidity.


Don't beat yourself up too bad. It is over now and in the past. Moving on...



3Xnocharm said:


> No, he will be an awesome boyfriend.  I just think she is a fool making the choice with the information she was given. Does that make any sense??





angelpixie said:


> But with what you know about him, how can you be sure he'll be an awesome boyfriend?


Right?! I mean, he couldn't even have the decency to tell ladies 2 and 3 that he was banging them all. WTF. Certainly not a man of his word.



angelpixie said:


> *Find yourself someone with whom you have mutual chemistry, and who has NO qualms about being exclusive. *You deserve it.


Yep! 100% . I need to find that guy, too.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> He is working third shift for a few weeks, and she was already asking him if yesterday when he was supposed to be sleeping if he was with me! :rofl:


Yikes! LOL. How do you know she asked him that that? How did you find out about Lady #3, by the way?

3x--at this point, I would steer clear of this guy. No contact whatsoever. Delete him from your phone and your life. Hopefully you have taught him a lesson in not fibbing to the women he is dating...because women have a way of finding out these things. He is a dud. you deserve someone better to date!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> No, he will be an awesome boyfriend.  I just think she is a fool making the choice with the information she was given. Does that make any sense??


How does someone with selfish intentions and poor communication skills equal an awesome boyfriend?

You dodged a bullet 3x.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> How does someone with selfish intentions and poor communication skills equal an awesome boyfriend?
> 
> You dodged a bullet 3x.


:rofl: "Oh yeah...forgot to tell you... I am also putting the wood to Lady 2 and a Lady 3."

Poor communication is RIGHT.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yikes! LOL. How do you know she asked him that that? How did you find out about Lady #3, by the way?
> 
> 3x--at this point, I would steer clear of this guy. No contact whatsoever. Delete him from your phone and your life. Hopefully you have taught him a lesson in not fibbing to the women he is dating...because women have a way of finding out these things. He is a dud. you deserve someone better to date!


Because he told me that when we talked yesterday.  He was telling me how I succeeded in what I was trying to do in planting questions in her mind, lol! That was my intention! I told her ALL KINDS of sh!t that is going to be coming up as things go along for them. :FIREdevil: I knew about her because he told me when they had their first date. 

OH, and that reminds me! She got puking drunk on their first date! Would anyone here go on a SECOND date with someone who did that??


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Because he told me that when we talked yesterday.  He was telling me how I succeeded in what I was trying to do in planting questions in her mind, lol! *I knew about her because he told me when they had their first date. *


He's a bigger dumba55 then I originally thought... LOL


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> He's a bigger dumba55 then I originally thought... LOL


Oh yeah! Me and the other woman BOTH knew.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> yes we have had that conversation and his response has been "I warm up slowly"....
> 
> so yes i like him and i enjoy time with him but to not be sitting around waiting for something to happen i continue to date others...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In all seriousness, perhaps he has ED or severe performance anxiety and doesn't want to escalate only to fail in bed. Perhaps he would rather underwhelm the way he has in hopes that he becomes comfortable enough that the fear of not getting it up goes away? Or perhaps he thinks you don't actually like sex or want sex with him (only like bantering about it?), maybe he wants an explicit statement of permission (and if that sounds unappealing to you then maybe you should save yourselves both the time energy and heartache?). He clearly likes the affection you both share, do you think he likes that you are searching for more at the same time?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Or perhaps he thinks you don't actually like sex or want sex with him (only like bantering about it?)


I highly doubt that is it.

I think it's something else, someone else, he's not over his ex/bad timing, or maybe he has some penile problems... or is gay.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> D!cks and boobs, d!cks and boobs.
> 
> Bunch 'a pervs!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now this is all I'm thinking about, specifically mine in between my special someone's.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> British girls love Canadian guys. Trust me on that heh heh


And the inverse holds true!


----------



## angelpixie

Lon said:


> Now this is all I'm thinking about, specifically mine in between my special someone's.


Oy!! I sure hope you have some plans tonight, Lon, or it sounds like you might spontaneously combust! :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> Oy!! I sure hope you have some plans tonight, Lon, or it sounds like you might spontaneously combust! :rofl:


Got a hot new years eve date, gonna ring in 2014 the best way there is (if we can stay awake that long anyway  we be tired the last couple days)


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Most Hawaiian Songs are about just those topics. We get away with it, well because it is all in Hawaiian.
> 
> "plucking your ulu (breadfruit), has more than one meaning"


I'm a fan of slack key. The Pahinui Bros are the boss. I have a CD of theirs that didn't leave my player for about 6 months.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> You love us.


Yes. I did my job too well. 

Brought you all up, taught you all to release your inner slvts, and now you're out spreading your immorality throughout the world. 

It's a cross I'll have to bear.


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> Yes. I did my job too well.


Truth. I was a dowdy, mousy, quiet librarian until I found your old thread. Then I was totally, irreversibly corrupted. Shame on you.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Yes. I did my job too well.
> 
> *Brought you all up, taught you all to release your inner slvts, and now you're out spreading your immorality throughout the world. *
> 
> It's a cross I'll have to bear.


Ha! Yup! I even went to Mexico...twice

You did well, wise one. :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Ha! Yup! I even went to Mexico...twice
> 
> You did well, wise one. :smthumbup:


Good for you!

I just went to Rocky Point, Mexico this past weekend. Ate lots of cheap good food, hung out with friends, brought back about thirty pounds of frozen shrimp....great time.


----------



## Dollystanford

Unfortunately I was already a bit slvtty so you can't claim me as a victim Bandito but it was fun all the same


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry to cause a downer, but I saw this on FB just now, and it seemed to fit in with all of our discussions about trying to figure out various hats-in-training.


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> Unfortunately I was already a bit slvtty so you can't claim me as a victim Bandito but it was fun all the same


Eh... I'm not really a slvt anyways. Most of that was just goofing off. It was a blast though. A fresh breath of air when we all needed one.


----------



## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Right?! I mean, he couldn't even have the decency to tell ladies 2 and 3 that he was banging them all. WTF. Certainly not a man of his word.


This guy confuses me. From my "guy" point of view if I was so low to be banging 3 ladies at once when they didn't know, I would still end up choosing one and stick with her as a better match.


----------



## vi_bride04

Love that quote, Angel. So much of how I'm feeling right now - couldn't have come at a better time.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> This guy confuses me. From my "guy" point of view if I was so low to be banging 3 ladies at once when they didn't know, I would still end up choosing one and stick with her as a better match.


Well, thats essentially what he has done. Only he wasnt sleeping with this one yet, (call her P) and he had no intentions of telling her what was really going on with me and the other one. (call her C) He was using us (me and C) to pass the time until he found his fvcking "chemistry" he was looking for. He claims he was going to end things with C if P worked out to be someone he wanted to see seriously, but had JUST told me that he was going to continue dating C! :scratchhead:  He keeps arranging the timeline in his head so that he doesnt look like such an a-hole. 

BTW, the same day that I sent P the message revealing everything to her, I went by his house that night (before she had seen my message) and had my way with him. You know...just for one last time! :rofl: Now he is terrified that I am going to tell P about it! I'm still trying to decide.  All that did was prove my point about how weak he is when it comes to someone coming on to him.


----------



## Dollystanford

I wouldn't bother, she'll find out soon enough. You don't want to look like the bitter ex. Move on - he sounds like a total loser


----------



## angelpixie

Yes. She may be having a temporary 'high' from being the one he chose, but...he's still the same guy. And sooner or later, it will hit her that she 'won,' but she certainly didn't get any prize. 


____________________________


On a totally unrelated note, I have my TAM settings to display 40 messages per page, and even with that, this thread is on its 100th page! :woohoo: Who knew there'd be enough drama and excitement in the life of single TAMers to keep this thing going so long?! Um, yeah, I did, too. :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

angelpixie said:


> On a totally unrelated note, I have my TAM settings to display 40 messages per page, and even with that, this thread is on its 100th page! :woohoo: Who knew there'd be enough drama and excitement in the life of single TAMers to keep this thing going so long?! Um, yeah, I did, too. :rofl:


This is really the only thread at the moment I pay a lot of attention to, I don't stray much elsewhere! 
Highfive!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> This is really the only thread at the moment I pay a lot of attention to, I don't stray much elsewhere!
> Highfive!!!


Same here.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!! 

:yay::corkysm60::yay:


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. I love you guys, too!

Yes, we have a lot of fun stories in this thread! 

Happy NYE everyone! Happy last day of 2013!


----------



## unsure78

Group Hug!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

haha you guys always put me in a good mood 

I am watching "The Walking Dead" marathon and later on I will be going out to celebrate the end of this year!
2014 will be a good year and looking forward to it~


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Same here.
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!
> 
> :yay::corkysm60::yay:





Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I love you guys, too!
> 
> Yes, we have a lot of fun stories in this thread!
> 
> Happy NYE everyone! Happy last day of 2013!





unsure78 said:


> Group Hug!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol  YAY for the singles of TAM! :smthumbup:



ne9907 said:


> haha you guys always put me in a good mood
> 
> I am watching "The Walking Dead" marathon and later on I will be going out to celebrate the end of this year!
> 2014 will be a good year and looking forward to it~


Yeah I'm not doing anything much either. Big snow storm coming in starting tonight so I got to work 
But cheers to 2014, it is looking better and better!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> lol  YAY for the singles of TAM! :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah I'm not doing anything much either. Big snow storm coming in starting tonight so I got to work
> But cheers to 2014, it is looking better and better!


You plow that snow, plow it really good!!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> You plow that snow, plow it really good!!!


All that deep
Deep deep snow
All that snow
Had to go

(Angelpixie must know what this means?)


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> You plow that snow, plow it really good!!!


Oh I will ;p
If I remember I'll take some more pics for you.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Oh I will ;p
> If I remember I'll take some more pics for you.


Kinky!!!


----------



## unsure78

going to dinner with a gf tonight... getting the snow here too... 

an interesting note yesterday the shrink hat (the one who texted to much so i kinda blew him off after one date) friended me on fb... i have actually thought of him a few times over the last few.months and that i possibly cut it off due to me being blineded by killers amazing body...and i actually give the guy sone credit for looking me up and friending me, so i may give him a second date (if he wants one with me)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

did i just sh!t test the shrink?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## badcompany

Gals and guys of TAM, have a Happy New Year!


----------



## ne9907

The Countdown is almost to zero.... on the east coast haha!
I have 5 hours to go!
But I want to thank all of you for your support and wonderfulness!

May 2014 be an amazing year full of hope, growth, understanding, faith, love, and every good feeling the universe bestows on the stars!!

I am stardust!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Happy New Year pervs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Happy New Year everyone!

OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole - YouTube


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Yep, New Years eve, and here I am on TAM! Sheesh. 

I love you guys, be careful out there tonight!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Happy New Year everyone!
> 
> OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole - YouTube


You should head over to here Another Planet 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social-spot/64354-nye-music-tam-surfer-928.html


----------



## vi_bride04

Partying with friends...great time. Drinks and euchre!!!


----------



## unsure78

drunk unsure saying Hi! and happy new year!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> drunk unsure saying Hi! and happy new year!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am.getting there. Making the DJ my ***** since they keep playing crappy music!


----------



## vi_bride04

Hope everyone had a great evening and isn't too hung over. I had a blast, its been a long time since so many of the old crew were together for new years, we estimated the last time we were all together like that was 1998!  didn't think it has been that long, that's when I graduated for sh!t sakes. 

Excited about 2014. I may even have my first "official" post divorce date this week. :thumbup:


----------



## unsure78

oooo details VI?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Is everyone awake or did you all drink too much last night (early this morning)?

I met a man at an after party. He was good looking but not as intelligent as I like.
So yeah, I am adding another bullet to my list of requirements.
Must be intelligent (or at least book smart)!


----------



## angelpixie

ne9907 said:


> Is everyone awake or did you all drink too much last night (early this morning)?
> 
> I met a man at an after party. He was good looking but not as intelligent as I like.
> So yeah, I am adding another bullet to my list of requirements.
> Must be intelligent (or at least book smart)!


Oooh yes! I don't care how gorgeous a guy is if he's as dumb as a box of rocks. He must be able to stimulate me in multiple ways, including intellectually.


----------



## Paradise

angelpixie said:


> Oooh yes! I don't care how gorgeous a guy is if he's as dumb as a box of rocks. He must be able to stimulate me in multiple ways, including intellectually.


I hear women say this all the time but yet they go out with guys completely opposite. Of course, most guys act smart up front and then the real truth about most of us comes out later on!!!:rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

I hope you all had a great New Years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> This is really the only thread at the moment I pay a lot of attention to, I don't stray much elsewhere!
> Highfive!!!



Yeah it's funny cool this one. l always laugh when l come back and there's another 10 pages .


----------



## angelpixie

Paradise said:


> I hear women say this all the time but yet they go out with guys completely opposite. Of course, most guys act smart up front and then the real truth about most of us comes out later on!!!:rofl:


Well, I'm not one of those women. I don't date much, either. Nobody gets a 2nd date if they can't pass my very subtle Angel's IQ Test. 


:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

To return to the familiar with a repentant spouse, or to embrace the infatuation of a vibrant and lovely new woman...

To return to the proven qualities (and failures) of a long term spouse and mother of my child, or to embrace the hope and promises of a new but unproven spouse...

Decisions decisions... *sigh*
Can't take it slow and make up my mind later, divorce is now in the picture, either way, I'll have to make up my mind soon 

Love's a b-tch


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Well, I'm not one of those women. I don't date much, either. Nobody gets a 2nd date if they can't pass my very subtle Angel's IQ Test.
> 
> 
> :rofl:


sorry im totally one of thoes... you know me angel, im pretty good in the intelligence dept, and yea for a keeper i need intelligence, but sometimes i just need some eye candy....hahahahaha


(im in a fiesty mood today)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> To return to the familiar with a repentant spouse, or to embrace the infatuation of a vibrant and lovely new woman...
> 
> To return to the proven qualities (and failures) of a long term spouse and mother of my child, or to embrace the hope and promises of a new but unproven spouse...
> 
> Decisions decisions... *sigh*
> Can't take it slow and make up my mind later, divorce is now in the picture, either way, I'll have to make up my mind soon
> 
> Love's a b-tch


Why be with anyone if its causing this much confusion...if neither one is a fvck yes, well...then you shouldn't settle and need to walk away from both.

How is the stbx repentant? What actions has she done to prove it? Sure she isn't just jealous? Just wondering if she is showing true remorse. I'm not familiar with your story but am assuming she is a cheater...?


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I met a man at an after party. He was good looking but not as intelligent as I like.


:rofl:

Hope everyone had a nice new year's! 

On Christmas, I texted Mr. Ex Jelly to wish him a happy one and he said the same. On New Year's Even, laying in bed, I hear my cell phone vibrate. It was him wishing me all of the best in the new year. He texted me a picture of an inside joke we had. I feel like we both turned a new leaf since we were wishing eachother a happy new year and all of the best. It made me feel good. Nice to know that someone you cared about and for so long wishes you the best. No expectations, no bitterness. Just ... well wishes. 

My new year's resolution is to... meet someone I enjoy and get laid. 

A lot.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Happy New Year Everyone! I'm nursing day two of the hangover from hell. Yes, my New Year's Eve night was, shall we say, legendary. I'm still missing my socks (can't even explain that), I have a random cigar in my jacket pocket, and a garage door opener that I am unaware of the owner. Woke up on my gf's couch in my undies (that are now ripped, LOL).

Yeah, last thing I remember was dancing in someone's living room that I had never met about 2 am with a full bottle of champagne in my hand. Fun times.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Hope everyone had a nice new year's!
> 
> On Christmas, I texted Mr. Ex Jelly to wish him a happy one and he said the same. On New Year's Even, laying in bed, I hear my cell phone vibrate. It was him wishing me all of the best in the new year. He texted me a picture of an inside joke we had. I feel like we both turned a new leaf since we were wishing eachother a happy new year and all of the best. It made me feel good. Nice to know that someone you cared about and for so long wishes you the best. No expectations, no bitterness. Just ... well wishes.
> 
> My new year's resolution is to... meet someone I enjoy and get laid.
> 
> A lot.


hahahah love it... i have the same goal
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Happy New Year Everyone! I'm nursing day two of the hangover from hell. Yes, my New Year's Eve night was, shall we say, legendary. I'm still missing my socks (can't even explain that), I have a random cigar in my jacket pocket, and a garage door opener that I am unaware of the owner.
> 
> Yeah, last thing I remember was dancing in someone's living room that I had never met about 2 am with a full bottle of champagne in my hand. Fun times.


lol.... nice D2H 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> lol.... nice D2H
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I actually might have to totally review the night. I do remember hooking a buddy up with the gf's friend, and they did what two divorced ppl do when they have had a dry spell and are attracted to each other. LOL


----------



## unsure78

im naughty texting with slow right now... he got me in a naughty mood last night and i *may* have sent him some pics of my fantastic a$$ in lingerie.... 

huh... he seemed to enjoy them...lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Happy New Year Everyone! I'm nursing day two of the hangover from hell. Yes, my New Year's Eve night was, shall we say, *legendary.* I'm still missing my socks (can't even explain that), I have a random cigar in my jacket pocket, and a garage door opener that I am unaware of the owner. Woke up on my gf's couch in my undies (that are now ripped, LOL).
> 
> Yeah, last thing I remember was dancing in someone's living room that I had never met about 2 am with a full bottle of champagne in my hand. Fun times.


This is epic! :rofl::smthumbup: Hope your hangover leaves soon! Hahaha.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> im naughty texting with slow right now... he got me in a naughty mood last night and i *may* have sent him some pics of my fantastic a$$ in lingerie....
> 
> huh... he seemed to enjoy them...lol


Hopefully he actually DOES something about it! I am sexually frustrated FOR you! LOL


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> This is epic! :rofl::smthumbup: Hope your hangover leaves soon! Hahaha.


Thanks, JB. I have never had a hangover like this. I'm still jittery! I warned the gf NOT to buy a handle of Captain.........the pirate comes out to play.

On other issues, I don't think I could even have sex for another day or two. SO.....hungover and satisfied?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> im naughty texting with slow right now... he got me in a naughty mood last night and i *may* have sent him some pics of my fantastic a$$ in lingerie....
> 
> huh... he seemed to enjoy them...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The way to tell if he truly enjoyed them is if he was to show up with a saddle and only man thongs on....... "I here to ride that wild mare all night." Then, you would know.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Hopefully he actually DOES something about it! I am sexually frustrated FOR you! LOL


im not to frustrated yet since killer was just throwing me around a few weeks ago but give me another month ill will be....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> The way to tell if he truly enjoyed them is if he was to show up with a saddle and only man thongs on....... "I here to ride that wild mare all night." Then, you would know.


HAHAHAHAHAHA.... Love it.... he prob has man thongs to since hes a former pro bodybuilder
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Why be with anyone if its causing this much confusion...if neither one is a fvck yes, well...then you shouldn't settle and need to walk away from both.
> 
> How is the stbx repentant? What actions has she done to prove it? Sure she isn't just jealous? Just wondering if she is showing true remorse. I'm not familiar with your story but am assuming she is a cheater...?


Both are quality in their own way, STBX still possess proven qualities that are rare amongst the general public; loyalty and non-materialism. My new date, I'm still unsure, but it's due to lack of time spent - as STBX had years to prove herself to me.

I do question STBX's repentance, as her timing is very suspect. No she wasn't a cheater. Our issues were shared, it wasn't like I was a good husband to her either. I do question her repentance as yes she has also told me the same things in the past yet was cold when I came forward to reconcile - however I can't really blame her as I did break her heart when she came forward to reconcile last year.

Worse case if I leave STBX for this new one is that our relations will turn sour and co-parenting would be very difficult not to mention divorce will require a hearing as she refuses to sign the papers hence lenghtening the process. The new date may turn out to be full of sh-t, and then I'll be meh. And then the worse case if I leave my new date for STBX is if STBX ends up just turning cold again after I ditched my new date and then I would have lost a great new potential who isn't easy to find.

Meh


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> On other issues, I don't think I could even have sex for another day or two. SO.....hungover and satisfied?


I will not be satisfied until I get properly laid. 



unsure78 said:


> im not to frustrated yet since killer was just throwing me around a few weeks ago but give me another month ill will be....


A month? You would never have survived my drought by now. Hahaha.

RandomDude--what do *YOU* want to do? Is your wife trying to work on things with you?


----------



## RandomDude

What I want? Take her back and see if she has changed and have my mistress on the side  Maybe eventually both at the same time! Hehe

But that will never happen so... meh -.-

As for STBX, I'm not really giving her a chance so it's all fluff in my ears at the moment. She has been civil throughout xmas and new years however, still wont sign though.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Both are quality in their own way, STBX still possess proven qualities that are rare amongst the general public; loyalty and non-materialism. My new date, I'm still unsure, but it's due to lack of time spent - as STBX had years to prove herself to me.
> 
> I do question STBX's repentance, as her timing is very suspect. No she wasn't a cheater. Our issues were shared, it wasn't like I was a good husband to her either. I do question her repentance as yes she has also told me the same things in the past yet was cold when I came forward to reconcile - however I can't really blame her as I did break her heart when she came forward to reconcile last year.
> 
> Worse case if I leave STBX for this new one is that our relations will turn sour and co-parenting would be very difficult not to mention divorce will require a hearing as she refuses to sign the papers hence lenghtening the process. The new date may turn out to be full of sh-t, and then I'll be meh. And then the worse case if I leave my new date for STBX is if STBX ends up just turning cold again after I ditched my new date and then I would have lost a great new potential who isn't easy to find.
> 
> Meh


You need to be DONE with the STBX. PERIOD. Let it die.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Both are quality in their own way, STBX still possess proven qualities that are rare amongst the general public; loyalty and non-materialism. My new date, I'm still unsure, but it's due to lack of time spent - as STBX had years to prove herself to me.
> 
> I do question STBX's repentance, as her timing is very suspect. No she wasn't a cheater. Our issues were shared, it wasn't like I was a good husband to her either. I do question her repentance as yes she has also told me the same things in the past yet was cold when I came forward to reconcile - however I can't really blame her as I did break her heart when she came forward to reconcile last year.
> 
> Worse case if I leave STBX for this new one is that our relations will turn sour and co-parenting would be very difficult not to mention divorce will require a hearing as she refuses to sign the papers hence lenghtening the process. The new date may turn out to be full of sh-t, and then I'll be meh. And then the worse case if I leave my new date for STBX is if STBX ends up just turning cold again after I ditched my new date and then I would have lost a great new potential who isn't easy to find.
> 
> Meh



Sounds like you should be single and not be with anyone for a bit. Figure out exactly what you want so you don't get "stuck" with anyone. Neither sounds like a fvck yes.


----------



## Jellybeans

RD, I am confused. What are you questioning? Is she saying she wants to get back with you? 
But yet you are talking about her not signing?


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Oooh yes! I don't care how gorgeous a guy is if he's as dumb as a box of rocks. He must be able to stimulate me in multiple ways, including intellectually.


:iagree:

Holy crap yes. My ex was very easy on the eyes but was not the sharpest tool in the shed...a tool yes, sharp, no LOL

I NEED BRAINS and that is definitely something I am looking at first and foremost.....intelligence!!


----------



## RandomDude

I want a divorce, she doesn't, so she won't sign jointly which will quicken the process and eliminate the necessity of a hearing and dramas. As for my questioning; I am questioning if I should take her wish for reconciliation seriously.

My new date has yet to display anything that turns me off, however she is unproven where as STBX - is. I don't trust easily, plain and simple. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of time as both want me for themselves and I have to either divorce or reconcile.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> *I want a divorce, she doesn't, so she won't sign jointly* which will quicken the process and eliminate the necessity of a hearing and dramas. As for my questioning;* I am questioning if I should take her wish for reconciliation seriously.*
> 
> My new date has yet to display anything that turns me off, however she is unproven where as STBX - is. I don't trust easily, plain and simple.


I think you just answered your own questions. 

Why would what someone else wishes/wants play into your decision if you WANT the divorce? Do you maybe not really want it? 

And why do you need to pick one or the other right now? Why do you "have" to be with anyone? Just seems like you are only giving yourself those 2 options when it comes to women, which is just silly.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I want a divorce, she doesn't, so she won't sign jointly which will quicken the process and eliminate the necessity of a hearing and dramas. As for my questioning; I am questioning if I should take her wish for reconciliation seriously.
> 
> My new date has yet to display anything that turns me off, however she is unproven where as STBX - is. I don't trust easily, plain and simple. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of time as both want me for themselves and I have to either divorce or reconcile.


You are over-complicating this. You absolutely have the luxury of time. If I was you, I would simplify the scenario. Move forward with divorce. Stop dating. Watch, wait, and see. The truth always comes out over time.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> *I want a divorce*, she doesn't, so she won't sign jointly which will quicken the process and eliminate the necessity of a hearing and dramas. As for my questioning; I am questioning if I should take her wish for reconciliation seriously.
> 
> My new date has yet to display anything that turns me off, however s*he is unproven where as STBX - is. I don't trust easily, plain and simple.* Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of time as both want me for themselves and I have to either divorce or reconcile.


You dont WANT to be with your STBX! You are only waffling because she is familiar! You will be right back where you are now if you stay in it. Pull up your big boy pants and keep moving forward!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> My new date has yet to display anything that turns me off,


Don't worry, she will if you continue to see each other. There is always something.


----------



## RandomDude

My daughter will be happier with mum and dad together, that much is certain. I would be happier if my marriage is salvageable but I don't know if it even is.

As for letting them both go, why would I do that? I have developed slight feelings for my new one, but still have slight feelings with my STBX. I can go either way but I want to make the right decision. I'll probably find new options later this year, but both are decent in their own way.


----------



## RandomDude

Dedicated2Her said:


> You are over-complicating this. You absolutely have the luxury of time. If I was you, I would simplify the scenario. Move forward with divorce. Stop dating. Watch, wait, and see. The truth always comes out over time.





Dedicated2Her said:


> Don't worry, she will if you continue to see each other. There is always something.


Can't stop dating, my 2nd brain has needs too! lol



3Xnocharm said:


> You dont WANT to be with your STBX! You are only waffling because she is familiar! You will be right back where you are now if you stay in it. Pull up your big boy pants and keep moving forward!


Very familiar, and well, I know with her, it's not about my wealth. With my new date, I can't be sure, and I have no idea how to test her.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Can't stop dating, my 2nd brain has needs too! lol


I understand completely. But, just know, this confliction you have will not stop until you can step away and get some clarity. Clarity won't come unless you stop having sex and dating.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I want a divorce, she doesn't, so she won't sign jointly which will quicken the process and eliminate the necessity of a hearing and dramas.


Are you in Australia? What are the divorce laws there? Here, anyone can divorce anyone. The other person is not required to sign. A judge will do it for them. MOST divorces are NOT mutual.



RandomDude said:


> As for letting them both go, why would I do that? *I have developed slight feelings for my new one, but still have slight feelings with my STBX.*


Which means that you shouldn't be dating any one person/be involved with any one person exclusively. You are NOT ready, RD. 

Also, you have all the time in the world. Stop saing there is no time. That is ridiculous. You are in your late 20s, right?


----------



## RandomDude

And lose both? You know my new date is the first woman I actually could feel an emotional connection with since the first time I met my STBX so many years ago? These opportunities don't come easily for me, I break hearts like it's my second business.



> Are you in Australia? What are the divorce laws there? Here, anyone can divorce anyone. The other person is not required to sign. A judge will do it for them. MOST divorces are NOT mutual.


She's not required to sign, but it would make the whole process a lot easier.



> Which means that you shouldn't be dating any one person/be involved with any one person exclusively. You are NOT ready, RD.
> 
> Also, you have all the time in the world. Stop saing there is no time. That is ridiculous. You are in your late 20s, right?


Maybe I have time, but I don't want to wait years before I meet my next one. If I tell both to fk off and leave me alone I'll regret it and will always think "what if"... its too late now, I'm already involved.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> And lose both? You know my new date is the first woman I actually could feel an emotional connection.


If that's true than the decision shouldn't be so hard.


----------



## RandomDude

Errr, which one? Should I ram the left or right gate?


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Errr, which one? Should I ram the left or right gate?


Neither - sounds like you need to date RD for awhile.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Errr, which one? Should I ram the left or right gate?


Red pill or blue pill?

Why do you have to take any gate or pill?

Just be ALONE for awhile. Or at least wrap up a divorce and/or only date casually.


----------



## RandomDude

I've been dating RD all through last year, and been plucking his twanger. It's not really fun!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> And lose both?


That is wrong and you know it. Why do you WANT both? It's not fair to BOTH. You need to choose. 

Also, there are 7 billion people on the planet. This two will not be the firsts nor lasts. 

Lose both? Lose what? A relationship that may be dead now (your marriage) where you felt she wasn't respectful of you and you felt violated sexually constantly? A dating thing with someone you only just met? 




RandomDude said:


> *These opportunities don't come easily for me, I break hearts like it's my second business.*


Wicked! You sound like a sometimes me. Hahaha. 




RandomDude said:


> She's not required to sign, but it would make the whole process a lot easier.


Most divorces aren't entirely amicable. Hardly anything new. If you want a divorce, get it. If not, then keep staying in limbo. How long you been separated for now?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> And lose both? You know my new date is the first woman I actually could feel an emotional connection with since the first time I met my STBX so many years ago? These opportunities don't come easily for me, I break hearts like it's my second business.


Well, I hope so, considering you have been married. I would hope that you wouldn't have met women that you could feel an emotional connection with. Actually, these "opportunities" are quite frequent if you know what you want and what you are looking for.

The real issue is this: "Why do you shortchange yourself?" Yes, that is right. Why? You are talking about "losing" someone. That is a very emotionally immature thing to say. In fact, I would say that in some way you enjoy this type of drama. Two women, both into you. Almost validating......in a way.


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> And lose both?


And if you keep trying to hang on to both, you'll likely lose both, anyway.

_"Have this thought ever present with thee, when thou losest any outward thing, what thou gainest in its stead; and if this be the more precious, say not, I have suffered loss."_ *- Epictetus*



RandomDude said:


> You know my new date is the first woman I actually could feel an emotional connection with since the first time I met my STBX so many years ago? These opportunities don't come easily for me, I break hearts like it's my second business.


Then, perhaps it's time to close up shop for a while and learn a new business.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Red pill or blue pill?
> 
> *Why do you have to take any gate or pill?*
> 
> Just be ALONE for awhile. Or at least wrap up a divorce and/or only date casually.


Yes - why the desperation/insecurity? Are you that afraid of being alone?


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> The real issue is this: "Why do you shortchange yourself?" Yes, that is right. Why? You are talking about "losing" someone. That is a very emotionally immature thing to say. In fact, I would say that in some way you enjoy this type of drama. Two women, both into you. Almost validating......in a way.


:iagree:

How often do we call out women for doing the same thing?

This is no different.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes - why the desperation/insecurity? Are you that afraid of being alone?


That is exactly what I was going to post - or rather, I was going to say, you sound like a man who refuses to be alone.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Errr, which one? Should I ram the left or right gate?


How about you make the decision all on your own?


----------



## RandomDude

Seperated over a year, and sure, my new girl is fresh and unproven, but the potential is there. I can't say the same with all the women I've met prior including the previous two quality dates; laundry lady / wife's past friend.

As for numbers, I can't move from my city due to my business/shared custody, and I don't do distance, so it's 2.25 million women. Then filter that number down more by ethnic preferences; 450,000 women, then even more; around my age group most probably around 90,000... then even more with those who aren't taken; 20,000... then even more by my strict criteria (religion/views/morals/values/etc): 1000... then even more by those who are actually compatible with me; 200.

And chances are, if I don't take the opportunities, I'll end up like the many men having to import ladies seeking visas.

It's not as easy as it sounds.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Man. You're scared to be alone. Lol.


----------



## RandomDude

I was alone all last year, and celibate. I wasn't happy, why would I want to go back to that?


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Seperated over a year, and sure, my new girl is fresh and unproven, but the potential is there. I can't say the same with all the women I've met prior including the previous two quality dates; laundry lady / wife's past friend.
> 
> As for numbers, I can't move from my city due to my business/shared custody, and I don't do distance, so it's 2.25 million women. Then filter that number down more by ethnic preferences; 450,000 women, then even more; around my age group most probably around 90,000... then even more with those who aren't taken; 20,000... then even more by my strict criteria (religion/views/morals/values/etc): 1000... then even more by those who are actually compatible with me; 200.
> 
> *And chances are, if I don't take the opportunities, I'll end up like the many men having to import ladies seeking visas.*
> 
> It's not as easy as it sounds.


Well when you think about love that way, no wonder you are confused.

Dude. Just live. Stop computing numbers and thinking time is running out like in an hourglass.

As for the bolded part--WTF? Nobody HAS to import anyone seeking a visa. In fact, the ones who do are STUPID. UGH.

RD, you sound hella co-dependent........


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> *I was alone all last year, and celibate. I wasn't happy*, why would I want to go back to that?


Until you are happy and content alone, you will continue to be in limbo with your feelings on people you are dating.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm a businessman, everything is numbers to me, I see the world and it's like the matrix!  lol

Can't believe you guys are really suggesting I go back to plucking my twanger that I've been doing all last year.



> As for the bolded part--WTF? Nobody HAS to import anyone seeking a visa. In fact, the ones who do are STUPID. UGH.


Of course not, I wouldn't, but I wouldn't want that to be my only option either - I like having choices. As for my standards I will NOT lower for any reason, I'd rather be alone.

But right now I have a decent woman - although unproven, and STBX/mother of my child who has proven her good/bad sides - who wants to reconcile and apparently work through our bad sides... I don't know


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> I was alone all last year, and celibate. I wasn't happy, why would I want to go back to that?


What does celibacy have to do with anything? You still can't make a decision and stick with it a year later? Sounds like you have things to still work on.

I love men who think a duration without sex means they have to start taking action.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Until you are happy and content alone, you will continue to be in limbo with your feelings on people you are dating.



And, here it is.:iagree:


----------



## RandomDude

I'm still young and full of...


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> I'm still young and full of...


...$#!+.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I'm still young and full of...


Stop making excuses. I'm 33 and alot younger than some of the people I have met since leaving my ex. Let me tell you, age don't mean SH!T when it comes to self awareness, emotional maturity and confidence in self.

You can be young and have your sh!t together. You just have to decide thats what you want to do.

So do you want to be young and confident or do you want to be young an unable to be by yourself out of fear?


----------



## RandomDude

Lol

Meh, guess I can just talk it out with STBX and friend-zone my date for the time being, though she might just ****** off if I tell her I'm going to be considering reconciliation with STBX

Then STBX may get me to call my date in front of her and dump her. And then after that... keep me in limbo anyway! Ha! Either way I'm a fool


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Lol
> 
> Meh, guess I can just talk it out with STBX and friend-zone my date for the time being, though she might just ****** off if I tell her I'm going to be considering reconciliation with STBX
> 
> Then STBX may get me to call my date in front of her and dump her. And then after that... keep me in limbo anyway! Ha! Either way I'm a fool


I'm sorry to see you've learned absolutely nothing during your time on TAM.


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> I was alone all last year, and celibate. I wasn't happy, why would I want to go back to that?


So that you can learn to be happy with yourself, as a person, on your own.

Otherwise, your happiness will always be based on someone else's and forever be out of your control.

As you say, you are a businessman, so look at it this way... 

Would you rather be owner and operator of your own business? Or would you rather be just the assistant manager, with no real control over how your business is run?

Would you rather invest your profits back into your own company, controlling how that money is spent to improve your company? Or would you rather invest those funds in another company, and put all your trust in someone else to spend them wisely and make a profit for you?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> Lol
> 
> Meh, guess I can just talk it out with STBX and friend-zone my date for the time being, though she might just ****** off if I tell her I'm going to be considering reconciliation with STBX
> 
> Then STBX may get me to call my date in front of her and dump her. And then after that... keep me in limbo anyway! Ha! Either way I'm a fool


Wow.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Lol
> 
> Meh, guess I can just talk it out with STBX and friend-zone my date for the time being, though she might just ****** off if I tell her I'm going to be considering reconciliation with STBX
> 
> Then STBX may get me to call my date in front of her and dump her. And then after that... keep me in limbo anyway! Ha! Either way I'm a fool


RD - I love ya man but this has got to be the most insecure and co dependent thing I have read on this thread. 

Why do you have low self worth that you are letting these 2 women define what you want to do?

WHAT DOES RD WANT TO DO? (besides not have to masturbate?)


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> So do you want to be young and confident or do you want to be young an unable to be by yourself out of fear?


I'm young and very confident, but not so confident in the quality of the women around me where I live, my pool of potentials is very small. I was with myself last year, sure I dated, even felt like throwing up kissing my last one. Now since I met my current date I feel alive again.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I'm young and very confident,





> Now since I met my current date I feel alive again.


Does not compute.......


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> *I'm young and very confident,* but not so confident in the quality of the women around me where I live, my pool of potentials is very small. I was with myself last year, sure I dated, even felt like throwing up kissing my last one. Now since I met my current date I feel alive again.


If you were as confident as you say, you wouldn't care about any woman that you may or may not end up with. 

And being by yourself does not include dating. Thats not technically "being alone" as you are always having your ego fed by women.


----------



## vi_bride04

And RD - please accept these 2x4s as us caring about you. You don't need to end up in another failed marriage down the road just b/c you are scared to be alone in 2014.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Mr NoChem's new lady is having doubts now about being exclusive...excuse me while I :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

(I'm sure she isnt going anywhere, but its fun to watch this! )


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I'm a businessman, everything is numbers to me, I see the world and it's like the matrix!


Then you should already know what to do.










Offtopic, but seriously...how badass was Morpheus? I love him.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Mr NoChem's new lady is having doubts now about being exclusive...excuse me while I :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Did she message you?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Did she message you?


No, he sent me a happy NY message on Zoosk, and I texted him asking wtf he was doing on the site. He said he might have to start looking at his options again and I got the whole story. 

:lol:


----------



## RandomDude

Pbartender said:


> So that you can learn to be happy with yourself, as a person, on your own.
> 
> Otherwise, your happiness will always be based on someone else's and forever be out of your control.
> 
> As you say, you are a businessman, so look at it this way...
> 
> Would you rather be owner and operator of your own business? Or would you rather be just the assistant manager, with no real control over how your business is run?
> 
> Would you rather invest your profits back into your own company, controlling how that money is spent to improve your company? Or would you rather invest those funds in another company, and put all your trust in someone else to spend them wisely and make a profit for you?


All the while last year I was choking my chicken and now alright sure, I was content, but still desired companionship. I already have everything else, success, financial stability and an awesome kid. I am no longer the type of person to go for casual sex however.

As a business owner the truth of the matter is - I'm still a slave to my investors and especially to my stakeholders/clients/customers. They define the direction of my business, sure I can steer it, but in the end, I provide them with a service and I make my living. This is life. I ain't God. Right now I'm being forced to expand into the new year despite my wishes not to, I'm no longer sole shareholder since my first expansion.



vi_bride04 said:


> WHAT DOES RD WANT TO DO? (besides not have to masturbate?)


I already mentioned what I want but it aint going to happen: A wife and a mistress lol

No woman - sure I can live, can I still smile? Sure
But how can you expect me to choose between choking my chicken and ramming someone I actually like? 

I'm not desperate, if I was I would have rammed the first woman I saw since seperation. I wasn't even looking when I met my new one, and things worked out, so hey, got myself into this mess. But what to do?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> No woman - sure I can live, can I still smile? Sure
> But how can you expect me to choose between choking my chicken and ramming someone I actually like?


Gross.


----------



## RandomDude

Have you guys lost ur humor in 2014? Come on:

Matt Rogers - I Love to Choke My Chicken With My Hand - YouTube


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I already mentioned what I want but it aint going to happen: A wife and a mistress lol


I do hope this is a joke and you do not really have this cake eater type attitude in real life.


----------



## RandomDude

Hey, open marriages work for some people  Don't knock it! The two want me for themselves however so no, not like I'm going to suggest it.

Hmmm, great way to get both off my back however, maybe I should.

I don't see how I'm insecure simply by desiring female company. I can live without but what do I have to gain from another year of doing nothing? More reflection? If neither my wife or my new date has potential I'm not desperate enough to hang onto them.

The problem is, both have potential and I'm an opportunist. If my wife is serious this time, maybe my family won't end up a broken home after all, but how about my new date who has somehow managed to fit my rather impossible criteria?


----------



## vi_bride04

Desiring female company and being emotionally ready for it are two completely different things.

I think your first thing to do is to get divorced. Quit leaving both you and your wife in limbo. I mean how can you move on with anyone if you are still married?


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> I don't see how I'm insecure simply by desiring female company.


Because the way you were talking, it sounded a lot more like a *NEED* for female company.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I can live without but what do I have to gain from another year of doing nothing?


It's never about doing nothing. Actually, it is quite a bit of something. Learning how to derive happiness from your own personal core is a big deal. It takes work, not reflection.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> The problem is, both have potential and I'm an opportunist. If my wife is serious this time, maybe my family won't end up a broken home after all, but how about my new date who has somehow managed to fit my rather impossible criteria?


"If my wife"-- dude. Sh!t or get off the pot. Seriously. You can't keep stringing them both along. I don't even think YOU know what you want. 

As for new chick..of course she has "potential." She's "new." Everything new has potential. But you shouldn't date someone or stay with someone based on "potential." They are who they are. New chick is too new for you to decide anything about her. That is just how it goes. You'd have to date her to see what she's like. How long you been involved with her?

You sound like a very confused man, RD.


----------



## Conrad

Jellybeans said:


> "If my wife"-- dude. Sh!t or get off the pot. Seriously. You can't keep stringing them both along. I don't even think YOU know what you want.
> 
> As for new chick..of course she has "potential." She's "new." Everything new has potential. But you shouldn't date someone or stay with someone based on "potential." They are who they are. New chick is too new for you to decide anything about her. That is just how it goes. You'd have to date her to see what she's like. How long you been involved with her?
> 
> You sound like a very confused man, RD.


That's one reason he shut down his other thread.


----------



## vi_bride04

Conrad said:


> That's one reason he shut down his other thread.


Hi Conrad! Are you single now? Curious minds want to know.


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> Hi Conrad! Are you single now? Curious minds want to know.


Every bit as single as Random Dude


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Hi Conrad! Are you single now? Curious minds want to know.


Actually no one really cares. They'd much prefer he stay in the divorce subforum and continue to try to stay relevant by making new wannabe therapist threads. Then spam his ignore quote to posters.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's never about doing nothing. Actually, it is quite a bit of something. *Learning how to derive happiness from your own personal core is a big deal. It takes work, not reflection.*


:iagree: :iagree: 

I reflected so much daily for about a year and a half after I left my ex. Only since this past summer have I really been trying to WORK on things. Huge difference. 

Sitting around thinking does nothing but produce "what ifs" in my opinion.


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Well, I'm not one of those women. I don't date much, either. Nobody gets a 2nd date if they can't pass my very subtle Angel's IQ Test.
> 
> 
> :rofl:


Do you use that little triangular board game with the golf tees?


----------



## vi_bride04

Conrad said:


> Every bit as single as Random Dude


LOL so you are married and have a gf on the side?


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> LOL so you are married and have a gf on the side?


I never kiss and tell.


----------



## vi_bride04

Conrad said:


> I never kiss and tell.


So you are at least seperated?

You never share any part of your story on TAM really so I am curious as to what your situation is. 

I mean if you have been seperated for a bit and dating, you may have something useful to contribute to this thread.


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> So you are at least seperated?


I haven't made that a secret.

Let's take this to PM if you want to know more.


----------



## vi_bride04

Conrad said:


> I haven't made that a secret.
> 
> Let's take this to PM if you want to know more.


I just figured it would be beneficial for others if you shared your story and your trials and tribulations. 

May help you heal as well.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I just figured it would be beneficial for others if you shared your story and your trials and tribulations.
> 
> May help you heal as well.


He would rather be cryptic about himself while telling others what to do.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> He would rather be cryptic about himself while telling others what to do.


It's a good way to gain validation I hear.


----------



## Pbartender

3Xnocharm said:


> He would rather be cryptic about himself while telling others what to do.


Mystery Men (8/10) Movie CLIP - Superhero Training (1999) HD - YouTube


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> Mystery Men (8/10) Movie CLIP - Superhero Training (1999) HD - YouTube


All that's missing is a motorcycle.


----------



## unsure78

Holy Moly... i go to shovel my driveway and come back to this fun.... i love this thread...hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I sense some tension in this thread.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Drinks all around! Wait.....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> I'm young and very confident, but not so confident in the quality of the women around me where I live, my pool of potentials is very small. I was with myself last year, sure I dated, even felt like throwing up kissing my last one. Now since I met my current date I feel alive again.


Maybe some alone time and the chance to actually self-reflect before securing a new relationship would give you the ability to expand your mind to a larger pool of potentials, or atleast give you the clarity to see where to seek out those potentials when you are ready.

Edit: agree with vi above, reflection is not needed, learning how to accept the present time as being perfectly good regardless of relationship status is.


----------



## unsure78

I think he should stick around and come play with us big boys and girls....

though this is pay to play... so your going to have to pony up some details...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Drinks all around! Wait.....


did you just puke in your mouth a little D2H, after you typed that....hahhaahh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> did you just puke in your mouth a little D2H, after you typed that....hahhaahh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dear heaven's, YES! Hence the wait........

I am saying it right now, though. This is NO ALCOHOL January for D2H. I've got crossfit competitions.......


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Mystery Men (8/10) Movie CLIP - Superhero Training (1999) HD - YouTube





06Daddio08 said:


> All that's missing is a motorcycle.


I love you guys - Eric Cartman - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> Do you use that little triangular board game with the golf tees?


Maybe I do and maybe I don't...it's THAT subtle.


----------



## unsure78

ooo thats right.... its special agent crossfitter date tonight... got to say im looking forward to meeting him and i rarely look forward to first dates anymore...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

hey where is Nsweet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> I think he should stick around and come play with us big boys and girls....
> 
> though this is *pay to play*... so your going to have to pony up some details...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This made me throw up in my mouth a little.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> This made me throw up in my mouth a little.


hahahaha.... hey im from illinois... pay to play here in politics
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> I think he should stick around and come play with us big boys and girls....
> 
> *though this is pay to play... so your going to have to pony up some details...lo*l
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

No reason to be ashamed. 

Or is there? :scratchhead:

SPECULATION!!!! haha


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> hahahaha.... hey im from illinois... pay to play here in politics


It's the best state government money can buy.

Remember... Vote early. Vote often.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> No, he sent me a happy NY message on Zoosk, and I texted him asking wtf he was doing on the site. He said he might have to start looking at his options again and I got the whole story.
> 
> :lol:


For your own sanity I hope you are not getting your hopes up. He is fishing again... Be really careful 3x.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> hey where is Nsweet?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well if his NYE was anything like his posting style, he is probably on a roof somewhere in Vegas after some epic partying.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> It's the best state government money can buy.
> 
> Remember... Vote early. Vote often.


lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> For your own sanity I hope you are not getting your hopes up. He is fishing again... Be really careful 3x.


I was also thinking this, NE.

"Oh poor me. Back on the dating site b/c nothing is working out. Let me give you my sob story 3x to start warming you up to the thought of dating me again"


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I was also thinking this, NE.
> 
> "Oh poor me. Back on the dating site b/c nothing is working out. Let me give you my sob story 3x to start warming you up to the thought of dating me again"


i agree
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> lol


Well... We've got to pay for the Governors' wing of that Federal penitentiary some how.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Well... We've got to pay for the Governors' wing of that Federal penitentiary some how.


...

I know so true PB....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> For your own sanity I hope you are not getting your hopes up. He is fishing again... Be really careful 3x.


Dont worry, I'm not. He has made it clear time and again that we are not going to happen.  Now, would I take a booty call? Sure! :smthumbup: I havent found anyone yet, so what the hell. We are good together in that aspect, so I'd use it while I can.


----------



## angelpixie

Another thing I saw on FB that seems very appropriate to today's discussion:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, while there are 2x4's flying everywhere, I have a confession. The first person I had sex with after my divorce was my exes best friend from high school. Yes, it was fun. Yes, it was a weekend of debauchery. No, I don't regret it. lol

Goodness, my close friends don't even know that......


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, while there are 2x4's flying everywhere, I have a confession. The first person I had sex with after my divorce was my exes best friend from high school. Yes, it was fun. Yes, it was a weekend of debauchery. No, I don't regret it. lol


:smthumbup: :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Well, I am currently working as a life insurance agent. I am doing this, while I wait for an interview of my dream job which is the library assistant job.
I am on my third week of training. Last week, my "mentor" and I made a deal for a significant amount which resulted in my bonus. Today, a few minutes ago actually, he called me to say the sale we made will be on a trial period because of multiple health issues with the client.....

I am angry!!! He is a "mentor" he should have known these health issues would affect my bonus!!! Oh and he told me I needed a 700dls sale between now and 2pm. Oh yeah sure. I do not know anyone in my city, and I cannot sell to myself or family.

Lesson learned. I pray that I impress the HR when I finally get my interview for the library assistant job!


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, while there are 2x4's flying everywhere, I have a confession. The first person I had sex with after my divorce was my exes best friend from high school. Yes, it was fun. Yes, it was a weekend of debauchery. No, I don't regret it. lol


ooooooooo!!! Confession time!!!

My confession - I have doubled my "number" since leaving my ex. 



Only 1 was some sort of "relationship"...the rest all casual b.s.

I don't regret it as some of the knowledge I have gained about myself during my escapades is so valuable for lasting change. I realize that I want more than casual and am no longer going to use sex to fill a void. It seems to be a pattern of coping during highly traumatic emotional experiences for me and I want to be done with it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Only 1 was some sort of "relationship"...the rest all casual b.s.


Yeah, my first couple of months out after divorce was very drunk and "casual".....I let loose. Almost two years of in house non sex separation will do that to a guy.


----------



## ne9907

Confession?
So before my east coast pal went MIA, perhaps bad choice of word, he sent me a picture of his very erect and absolutely enticing penis. He captioned it with "do you remember this?" 

Also he sent me an email yesterday, he has been deployed (that is reason why mia was a bad choice of word), he cant tell me where he is or how long he will be gone. 

I know, I know some of you may think he is lying, but being former military myself I know some missions are actually very secret.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Yeah, my first couple of months out after divorce was very drunk and "casual".....I let loose. Almost two years of in house non sex separation will do that to a guy.


I can't even use the drunk excuse. I went out looking for it. I was on a mission. I never just end up "oops how did this happen" as it is always pre-meditated on my part when going out when in one of those "moods". 

Actually a little scary for me to realize I do it on purpose and its not as sub-conscious as once thought.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Actually a little scary for me to realize I do it on purpose and its not as sub-conscious as once thought.


I had a couple of those, "Holy crap. I'm on a mission." lol


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> oooo details VI?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm I guess I missed this.

Not alot of details to report. Just been messaging with someone on POF. Seems pretty down to earth and normal. Has not been pushy to meet, has a good sense of humor, and no "hey let me get your Ph# so I can send you penis pics". Will be something low key like breakfast at a Coney Island. We seem to be in similar spots in life when it comes to dating and people in general. Both kinda been in a funk, not ready to jump full force into dating, but do want to have someone to hang out with on occasion. We'll see. Got another I started texting this week. But very small talk so far. I think he wants to meet up this weekend. No penis pics or hinting at anything sexual so I may meet him as well.

Oh and that one guy I was told to not text. Yeah. Perfect advice. I knew better but did it anyways. Called him out on sh!t now I'm blocked. HAHAHAHA. Actions. Always look at actions people. 

I'm not impressed with online dating so far. Just from the few skills I have learned and red flags I have learned to spot.......man......lots of messed up people out there. And mind you this is during messaging phase. I have not met up with anyone yet.

ETA: I do have to say I really liked the most recent Meetup group I joined. Lots of hats to choose from. Am excited to keep going to that one. My single gf (known since middle school) is a member and I met a really cool woman the last time I went too. So new friends as well as a possible new hat. Can't beat that.


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm not impressed with online dating so far. Just from the few skills I have learned and red flags I have learned to spot.......man......lots of messed up people out there. And mind you this is during messaging phase. I have not met up with anyone yet.


Agreed. There are good ones in the mix, but there are so many with obivious issues. Wait until you start meeting ones that you liked via text or email or phone and then they reveal themselves on date 2 or 4. Feels like wasted time when you get to that point.

Endeavor to persevere though.


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> Agreed. There are good ones in the mix, but there are so many with obivious issues. Wait until you start meeting ones that you liked via text or email or phone and then they reveal themselves on date 2 or 4. Feels like wasted time when you get to that point.
> 
> Endeavor to persevere though.


You're going to make me want to delete my profile. lol

Eh, I don't get very many hits on it anyways. Maybe I was too honest and didn't post enough duckface pics.


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> You're going to make me want to delete my profile. lol
> 
> Eh, I don't get very many hits on it anyways. Maybe I was too honest and didn't post enough duckface pics.


:rofl: yes, more duckface

don't delete, just saying your instincts are correct.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You've lasted longer than me on pof. Lol.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> You're going to make me want to delete my profile. lol
> 
> Eh, I don't get very many hits on it anyways. Maybe I was too honest and didn't post enough duckface pics.


what the hell is duckface?


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> :rofl: yes, more duckface


Ha! I was goofing around a couple months ago and took a duckface pic of myself. I was going to use it on my profile as a joke but Up suggested no.

I just put it in my album if anyone wants to see the most wonderful duckface ever.


----------



## vi_bride04

TheGoodGuy said:


> what the hell is duckface?


Duck Face | Know Your Meme

Think "Zoolander" haha


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> I just put it in my album if anyone wants to see *the most wonderful duckface ever.*



Hey, baby...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> Duck Face | Know Your Meme
> 
> Think "Zoolander" haha


Ahh yes. now I get it. Never knew that face had a name.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> Ha! I was goofing around a couple months ago and took a duckface pic of myself. I was going to use it on my profile as a joke but Up suggested no.
> 
> I just put it in my album if anyone wants to see the most wonderful duckface ever.


I didn't know this place had albums.. how do you see someone's album? 

**man I am just not in the cool crowd today am I? :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Hey, baby...


AP if I was ever wanting to explore my sexuality, you would be the person I would pick!

Well or Dolly...cuz man she is HOT 

(how about both??) :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

duck face, only for a little while.


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> AP if I was ever wanting to explore my sexuality, you would be the person I would pick!
> 
> Well or Dolly...cuz man she is HOT
> 
> (how about both??) :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, Pbar, you were saying...?



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> duck face, only for a little while.


I suspect Nsweet will be commenting here shortly!

Nice pic, aside from the pretty subject it is an enticing angle of composition and use of shallow dof!


----------



## angelpixie

Lon, you are the only person I know who would be able to not only compliment someone on her selfie but also comment on the quality of the photography itself! :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

You are so cute, Ne!


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> Agreed. There are good ones in the mix, but there are so many with obivious issues. Wait until you start meeting ones that you liked via text or email or phone and then they reveal themselves on date 2 or 4. Feels like wasted time when you get to that point.
> 
> Endeavor to persevere though.


Oh gosh. Tell us your stories... 

How many 2nd and 4th dates did you go on that you were like, WTF?

I can usually suss it out in 1 or 2 dates... if we get to three or four something "could be" going right but I am quick to feel out any weirdness.

I had one guy trying to psychoanalyze me on a second date. He thought it was bizarre that wasn't into hurrying up to get married "like most women" (his words). I looked at him and said "Well, you have met your match (or non-match") because I an assure you, the altar is not calling me at all whatsoever." Hee hee hee. 

He must have thought I was a total lunatic. Hahahaha.


----------



## COGypsy

I would have LOVED to have messed with that guy, Jelly! Imagine how melted his brain would have been at the idea that there is at least one woman who has no desire to marry OR deal with kids!

MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


----------



## Paradise

This thread gets more fun by the day! 

Oh, and ne....Your ex must be stupid. You are smokin' hot....WOW! 

I need some of you hot TAM chicks to move to the midwest!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> I would have LOVED to have messed with that guy, Jelly! Imagine how melted his brain would have been at the idea that there is at least one woman who has no desire to marry OR deal with kids!
> 
> MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Oh man I can't wait to share this information to my dates. Hahahahaha!!!

Will I see a guys head explode? (stop it you perverts......you know what I mean)


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh man I can't wait to share this information to my dates. Hahahahaha!!!
> 
> Will I see a guys head explode? (stop it you perverts......you know what I mean)


Be prepared--more than once I've been stared down like I was a bug or something, lol. Honestly, I think so many people get married because it's that thing you do after you get out of school and they have kids because it's that thing you do after you get married, that it truly never occurs to them that you don't have to jump into that lifestyle pool. 

When I was first dating after my divorce I made the mistake of thinking that non-custodial fathers were okay to date. They seemed to be the most confused by the trifecta of not having kids, not wanting kids and not being interested in other people's kids. They'd keep saying things like "but surely you wanted them growing up" and "aren't you afraid you'll be too old once you start trying for a baby". It was so FUNNY! Finally my baseline became that I just don't date guys with kids or guys that can have kids.

Of course, as luck would have it, my current Mr. Mantastic has a V, but also has a kid. I made the exception since he's almost out of college and lives far out of state


----------



## vi_bride04

.......I want someone with a V......lol


----------



## COGypsy

Luckily, at my age more guys have them than not. But for me, I'm taking NO chances, so swimmers are a no-no! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Speaking of V's I think there a few of you who are members of the Healthy Living Group... Your absence has been, lets just say, not good (I am looking at you Jelly and Angel )... Don't make me send this woman after you:

Get your hands off your hips!! - YouTube


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> .......I want someone with a V......lol


Didn't we have a whole thread about that?


----------



## COGypsy

Here's a workout you can have them try, drerio!

Prancercise!


----------



## Ikaika

COGypsy said:


> Here's a workout you can have them try, drerio!
> 
> Prancercise!


Saw that and just about fell off my chair laughing. Oh well each to their own.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Here's a workout you can have them try, drerio!
> 
> Prancercise!


Ummmm........that was odd


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Paradise said:


> I need some of you hot TAM chicks to move to the midwest!


no kidding! We might have to fight over them though.:smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

COGypsy said:


> Here's a workout you can have them try, drerio!
> 
> Prancercise!


What did I just watch... my eyes... they're bleeding..


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> .......I want someone with a V......lol


I have a V, but I already have a daughter so that may rule me out for you gals.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You are so cute, Ne!


aww thanks 

Was trying to make another sale, I am set thank God, no thanks to my "mentor"....

Now time for some Sooners vs Bama Sugar Bowl!!! yay


----------



## Another Planet

OMG guys 10 pages in 1 day...I'm tired from work I'll have to catch up later. Hope everyone is doing good!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> OMG guys 10 pages in 1 day...I'm tired from work I'll have to catch up later. Hope everyone is doing good!


haha sleep well!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> haha sleep well!


Worst part is it might not happen until spring 0_0.....


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys, I considered ur advice in ending both relations, new date is willing for us to take our time, haven't talked to STBX yet in requesting some space. Either way, both will probably suspect I'm seeing the other.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Worst part is it might not happen until spring 0_0.....


hopefully the groundhog will not see its shadow


----------



## unsure78

so special agent date went very well... 3 hr first date.... hes already set a second date with me for next sat... i got to see his credentials hes a real fbi agent... and much cuter in person than his pics even... only divorced 5 months though... but he has some potential....,very funny...hmmmm... big boy too.. 6 1 like 210... yep kinda like this one guys.... but as always actions not worrd, we will see
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Speaking of V's I think there a few of you who are members of the Healthy Living Group... Your absence has been, lets just say, not good (I am looking at you Jelly and Angel )... Don't make me send this woman after you:
> 
> Get your hands off your hips!! - YouTube


LOL, I don't think you're talking about the same kind of V, drerio. The one we've been talking about doesn't really apply to Jelly and me. Well, not that we can get one, anyway. We could probably still appreciate the benefits provided by one. :rofl:

But your chiding is duly noted.


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> so special agent date went very well... 3 hr first date.... hes already set a second date with me for next sat... i got to see his credentials hes a real fbi agent... and much cuter in person than his pics even... only divorced 5 months though... but he has some potential....,very funny...hmmmm... big boy too.. 6 1 like 210... yep kinda like this one guys.... but as always actions not worrd, we will see
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha, I wonder what gadgets he has


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> To return to the familiar with a repentant spouse, or to embrace the infatuation of a vibrant and lovely new woman...
> 
> To return to the proven qualities (and failures) of a long term spouse and mother of my child, or to embrace the hope and promises of a new but unproven spouse...
> 
> Decisions decisions... *sigh*
> Can't take it slow and make up my mind later, divorce is now in the picture, either way, I'll have to make up my mind soon
> 
> Love's a b-tch



That's bs dude , don't be pushed into a d yet if your not even sure . Stall, lose the papers , date ex , tell her you want to talk, leave the country, whatever.
The thing with the past is the life we shared , the children , the world you had together, the knowing , it's huge . 
Don't be rushed out of that if you aren't ready .
With new love nothings guaranteed no matter how it looks.
lt can fizzle out in wks when you never thought it even could let a lone it wks. She can turn into a monster , it can , anything can happen .

Just sayin , if your not sure about the past yet , work through that first is my vote .


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> Agreed. There are good ones in the mix, but there are so many with obivious issues. Wait until you start meeting ones that you liked via text or email or phone and then they reveal themselves on date 2 or 4. Feels like wasted time when you get to that point.
> 
> Endeavor to persevere though.


How come Angs, what happens when you meet them, you means looks or something?


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> sorry im totally one of thoes... you know me angel, im pretty good in the intelligence dept, and yea for a keeper i need intelligence, but sometimes i just need some eye candy....hahahahaha
> 
> 
> (im in a fiesty mood today)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Are ya , lucky theng you !
l'd love to be a super brain :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

FK YOU WOMAN... screw this, I'm going ahead with D, at least my new date has promise (maybe false but WTF do I have to lose?)


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh gosh. What happened now, RD?



angelpixie said:


> LOL, I don't think you're talking about the same kind of V, drerio. The one we've been talking about doesn't really apply to Jelly and me. Well, not that we can get one, anyway. We could probably still appreciate the benefits provided by one. :rofl:


You mean a vasectomy, right?



COGypsy said:


> I would have LOVED to have messed with that guy, Jelly! Imagine how melted his brain would have been at the idea that there is at least one woman who has no desire to marry OR deal with kids!
> 
> MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Oh, it was great fun. He looked at me like I had a third eyeball. I was like, "Nope. Sorry. Not into it."



drerio said:


> Speaking of V's I think there a few of you who are members of the Healthy Living Group... Your absence has been, lets just say, not good (I am looking at you Jelly and Angel )... Don't make me send this woman after you:


Uh oh! I have def been slacking! What kind of V are you talking about? I am so confused. And that Youtube was nutty. That woman did not need to be so dang shouty.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> FK YOU WOMAN... screw this, I'm going ahead with D, at least my new date has promise (maybe false but WTF do I have to lose?)



Oh no , why , what's ex done this time ?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> so special agent date went very well... 3 hr first date.... hes already set a second date with me for next sat... i got to see his credentials hes a real fbi agent... and much cuter in person than his pics even... only divorced 5 months though... but he has some potential....,very funny...hmmmm... big boy too.. 6 1 like 210... yep kinda like this one guys.... but as always actions not worrd, we will see
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good for you, unsure. Just something to watch out for. When I was only 5 months out, I was really good at not showing what was really going on inside. My heart was still closed. (sometimes I wonder if it still is) I would date in order to try to "make" myself feel. My rebound was madly in love with me, but I ended up needing space. Just keep your eyes open.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, it doesnt matter

In the end I guess she did me a favor... I'm falling for my gf ne ways


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Meh, it doesnt matter
> 
> In the end I guess she did me a favor... I'm falling for my gf ne ways


You can't post something like that then not say what happened....that's like those stupid cryptic status's on FB that hint that something horrible happened but then never say what it actually is...


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Meh, it doesnt matter
> 
> In the end I guess she did me a favor... I'm falling for my gf ne ways


The Fallback girl! Of course! 

Unsure, your date sounds fun. Be wary though--only 5 months divorced...that is not a long time.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> You can't post something like that then not say what happened....that's like those stupid cryptic status's on FB that hint that something horrible happened but then never say what it actually is...


Drama.....


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> You can't post something like that then not say what happened....that's like those stupid cryptic status's on FB that hint that something horrible happened but then never say what it actually is...


I hate when people do that. They are just seeking someone to validate them.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Oh gosh. What happened now, RD?
> 
> 
> 
> You mean a vasectomy, right?
> 
> 
> 
> Oh, it was great fun. He looked at me like I had a third eyeball. I was like, "Nope. Sorry. Not into it."
> 
> 
> 
> Uh oh! I have def been slacking! What kind of V are you talking about? I am so confused. And that Youtube was nutty. That woman did not need to be so dang shouty.


Ooops I thought this was the V shape associated with abs.  She was a drill instructor, what can I say. Back in the day I qualified for the SEALS and almost made it to BUDs training school. There they don't shout they just brutalize you


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> You can't post something like that then not say what happened....that's like those stupid cryptic status's on FB that hint that something horrible happened but then never say what it actually is...


:rofl:

FINE, alright, it's quite simple really; new date is willing to wait, STBX isn't, the choice is made easy.


----------



## unsure78

no worries guys... im observing, i know 5 months not long at all, this one has just peaked my interest....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> FINE, alright, it's quite simple really; new date is willing to wait, STBX isn't, the choice is made easy.


I have to be honest RD, as a former person who didn't want a divorce. I wouldn't be willing to wait, either in a separated state. Boundries and all that.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> FINE, alright, it's quite simple really; new date is willing to wait, STBX isn't, the choice is made easy.


Well guess that shows exactly how much she "doesn't" want the divorce!! 

And this is a great example of how to listen to actions and not the words that come out of people's mouths.


----------



## Jellybeans

I wouldn't wait either. Ain't nobody got time for that. 

RD sounds like he essentially wants to string both women along while he tries to make sense of it all. Unfair to all three parties involved (the third, being him).


----------



## RandomDude

ARGH! Well I have to ditch one of 'em, now I ditch one and going through with D and now u guys are saying I'm making the wrong decision?!


----------



## vi_bride04

whitehawk said:


> How come Angs, what happens when you meet them, you means looks or something?


I think Angs just meant after a few dates the crazy starts to come out. I don't think he was referring to looks at all.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> ARGH! Well I have to ditch one of 'em, now I ditch one and going through with D and now u guys are saying I'm making the wrong decision?!


Not saying that at all. Just saying that there is much more than meets the eye going on here. And, in reality, I can see your exes point of view. I can also see the new girls point of view. It's actually quite predictable. You are looking at this as some massive decision that YOU have to make......like you are some gloriously pursued after guy. Oh, poor RD, having to make such hard decisions. When, in reality, you are 50 pct responsible for being in this position.

I didn't want my divorce, but I was done being a doormat. Does that action say I "wanted" the divorce? Nope, it says you can no longer treat me as a lesser person. Sometimes people get pushed to their breaking point. 

I was tired of being "played" with. Sick and tired of it.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> ARGH! Well I have to ditch one of 'em, now I ditch one and going through with D and now u guys are saying I'm making the wrong decision?!


RD, why should annon people on a forum dictate your life decisions?

We are just trying to give you advice. I don't know what girl you should pick, that is up to you and what you want.....but it really sounds like you have no idea what you want. At all. Other than a girl to have regular intercourse with. 

Take a timeout from both girls maybe, go take a vacation and think about it. You are confusing me with your back and forth back and forth back and forth!


----------



## RandomDude

Great, so I'm a player now?

What the hell was I to do? I met this woman, we clicked, sh-t happened. Was I under an obligation to be loyal to STBX at that point of time? No. I've been honest with both parties when they asked.

If STBX is broken then she should do us both the damn favor and sign the f--king papers so we can get this crap over and done with. Our relationship is over for over a year now.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> If STBX is broken then she should do us both the damn favor and sign the f--king papers so we can get this crap over and done with. *Our relationship is over for over a year now*.


So then why were you so confused yesterday?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Great, so I'm a player now?
> 
> What the hell was I to do? I met this woman, we clicked, sh-t happened. Was I under an obligation to be loyal to STBX at that point of time? No. I've been honest with both parties when they asked.
> 
> If STBX is broken then she should do us both the damn favor and sign the f--king papers so we can get this crap over and done with. Our relationship is over for over a year now.


Nobody is saying that. The problem with these types of situations is as people we fail to see the other side. We fail to see the other person's POV. Both you and your ex have played victim for years. It's drama, drama, drama. It's emotional immaturity, or shall we say, emotional selfishness. It's very normal. 

Problem is, if you don't stop the cycle, you will begin again doing it with someone else once the initial "warm and fuzzies" wear off. AND THAT is what we are trying to get you to see.

And, of course new girl is willing to wait, she doesn't have any history with you.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> So then why were you so confused yesterday?


*sigh*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Nobody is saying that. The problem with these types of situations is as people we fail to see the other side. We fail to see the other person's POV. Both you and your ex have played victim for years. It's drama, drama, drama. It's emotional immaturity, or shall we say, emotional selfishness. It's very normal.
> 
> Problem is, if you don't stop the cycle, you will begin again doing it with someone else once the initial "warm and fuzzies" wear off. AND THAT is what we are trying to get you to see.
> 
> And, of course new girl is willing to wait, she doesn't have any history with you.


Well, what can I even do now? If I'm not harsh it would be harder for STBX to move on.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> *sigh*
> 
> 
> 
> Well, what can I even do now? If I'm not harsh it would be harder for STBX to move on.


RD, you are basing your decisions and actions on how other people will react to them.

STOP IT.

You can't control others reactions. Do what you need to do for you . Screw how others react or think. Doesn't matter. Not their life. Its yours. 

Until you let go of worrying about how others will react, you will always be in this panicky state when trying to make decisions.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

You know I post on this forum for a reason in panicky situations, to ask for ppl's opinion and for them to challenge mine (and I talk back) so I effectively hire an opposition party in other words.

Whats up?


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> You know I post on this forum for a reason in panicky situations, to ask for ppl's opinion and for them to challenge mine (and I talk back) so I effectively hire an opposition party in other words.
> 
> Whats up?


Have you made a list of what you want out of a partner then compare it to your stbx and gf? 

Alls I'm saying is that it doesn't sound like you know what you want so how can our advice help if you don't even know yourself?


----------



## RandomDude

New girlfriend is everything I want and more, she's just unproven unlike STBX


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> Whats up?


What Vi's trying to say is...

How easy or hard it is for your STBX to move on is no longer your concern. So, stop worrying about it and let her deal with it herself.

You should be concentrating your energy on how easy or hard it is for you to move on, instead. Obviously, it hasn't been easy... You haven't been moving on. And that's because you've been making a long, slow, steady #3 by way of focusing on making things easy for STBX, instead of focusing on making things easy -- and better -- for yourself.

That's what's up.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> *sigh*
> 
> 
> 
> Well, what can I even do now? If I'm not harsh it would be harder for STBX to move on.


And here is the real problem........I believe you still love your ex, and if all the problems you guys had in marriage were gone, you would be with her. 

THAT is unfair to everyone. That is why we tell you not to date.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> I have a great article for you, Vi:
> 
> http://www.xojane.com/family/how-no...ail&utm_term=0_ff762b8521-8f8d4c2234-78247121


This is such a great article, I loved it so much. I shared it on my FB page for all my childfree friends, I know they will get a kick out of it. 

And now I have alot of comments/answers when I get any of these statements/questions on the list from rude ass people!

(PS - if the link doesn't work, the "****" in the URL is d!ck)


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> And here is the real problem........I believe you still love your ex, and if all the problems you guys had in marriage were gone, you would be with her.
> 
> THAT is unfair to everyone. That is why we tell you not to date.


:iagree:

Right now, you're making new gf "Plan B".


----------



## RandomDude

:cussing:

:banghead:

I care about her, but that's IT, we've been through a sh-t ton, but love? No


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry about the URL not working, Vi but yeah I thought you'd appreciate it/like it. Hehehehe.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> :cussing:
> 
> :banghead:
> 
> I care about her, but that's IT, we've been through a sh-t ton, but love? No


Based upon all your posts and what you put out here, yep. Your heart isn't ready to move on. You are replacing that void with the new girl.


----------



## Jellybeans

He will figure it out in time. On his own.


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> :cussing:
> 
> :banghead:
> 
> I care about her, but that's IT, we've been through a sh-t ton, but love? No


It looks different from what you've been telling us, then.

If what you say is true, then you are about where I was a year ago (I know, because I was just rereading some of my threads and posts from a year ago)...

You've accepted that your relationship with STBX is over. You are no longer in love with her, but you care for her and still want the best for her.

But... You haven't yet accepted that it's her responsibility, not yours, to make things go well for her. And so you are continuing to waste time and energy on something you cannot control. So stop.

Try using that time and energy on doing things that make you feel happy and confident and worthwhile, instead.


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> (PS - if the link doesn't work, the "****" in the URL is d!ck)


How Not To Be A **** To Your Childfree Friends | xoJane


----------



## RandomDude

Dedicated2Her said:


> Based upon all your posts and what you put out here, yep. Your heart isn't ready to move on. You are replacing that void with the new girl.


Correction: HOT new promising girl actually 



Jellybeans said:


> He will figure it out in time. On his own.


Maybe...



Pbartender said:


> It looks different from what you've been telling us, then.
> 
> If what you say is true, then you are about where I was a year ago (I know, because I was just rereading some of my threads and posts from a year ago)...
> 
> You've accepted that your relationship with STBX is over. You are no longer in love with her, but you care for her and still want the best for her.
> 
> But... You haven't yet accepted that it's her responsibility, not yours, to make things go well for her. And so you are continuing to waste time and energy on something you cannot control. So stop.
> 
> Try using that time and energy on doing things that make you feel happy and confident and worthwhile, instead.


She's the mother of my child, and was my best friend for a very long time. It's hard to just rid of her out of my life like this.

You're right though as it isn't my responsibility for her to move on. Alright, I'll try not to give a sh-t


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> New girlfriend is everything I want and more, she's just unproven unlike STBX


Stop saying "unproven" that is annoying. Trust takes time but time doesn't make trust.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Correction: HOT new promising girl actually


Yeah. You keep saying that. That carries about a 2 on a scale of 1-10 on what's important to a long, healthy relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

I was just being a smartass mate, she's a solid 9 in what I want in a LTR


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> New girlfriend is everything I want and more, she's just unproven unlike STBX


I'm confused how stbx proved herself since you aren't in love with her anymore and are in the middle of a divorce.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm confused how stbx proved herself since you aren't in love with her anymore and are in the middle of a divorce.


Loyalty and non-materialism are traits that I don't trust easily with and in which she has proven. We've divorced over other matters, but those two are qualities I will not live without if I am to even bother in another LTR again.


----------



## lisab0105

RD, if your new gf was all that, bag of chips and a soda pop you wouldn't be questioning what you want. Might I add , you have as much to prove to new girl as she does to you. And waffling back and forth doesn't make you look good. 

I question WHY new gf is willing to wait for you to decide on which woman you want. Who does that?


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> RD, if your new gf was all that, bag of chips and a soda pop you wouldn't be questioning what you want. Might I add , you have as much to prove to new girl as she does to you. And waffling back and forth doesn't make you look good.
> 
> I question WHY new gf is willing to wait for you to decide on which woman you want. Who does that?


She's unsure whether to invest herself and I don't blame her

And it's not I went "oh btw, wait for me, I have to decide between you and my wife" or some crap like that. Just told her I needed space.


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> I question WHY new gf is willing to wait for you to decide on which woman you want. Who does that?





RandomDude said:


> She's unsure whether to invest herself and I don't blame her


This does not have the making for a successful LTR...

Fun, sure. Why not. But neither of you sound emotionally ready to invest in a serious, LTR. 

I don't think you should be dating at all right now, RD but thats just my opinion and you know what they say about those....


----------



## RandomDude

We're too new to talk LTR at the moment yes
Heck I'm not even divorced yet

If we don't work out, ok whatever
She has alot of potential however, and knowing her thus far, I don't think she's full of it, but I have to see...


----------



## Pbartender

RandomDude said:


> She's the mother of my child, and was my best friend for a very long time. It's hard to just rid of her out of my life like this.


Of course it is. But remember... She *was* your best friend for a very long time. That doesn't mean she is now. That doesn't she should be now. And it doesn't mean she has to be ever again.



RandomDude said:


> You're right though as it isn't my responsibility for her to move on. Alright, I'll try not to give a sh-t


It's not really about not giving a ****... It's about rearranging your priorities, so that you and your kid are at the top of the list, instead of your STBX.

To continue the business analogies...

You settlement agreement and joint parenting agreement are simply business contracts, and the goal of those contracts is to mutually provide for your child. Treat them as such.

Your STBX is now just a business partner working with you to split the time and costs of raising your child, nothing more.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Every time I read RD say "Meh" it just comes off (to me) as some self defensive passive aggressive mechanism for not being able to admit he's unable to make a solid, straight line decision. One that's based on what's best for him in the end and being okay with it possibly not working out.

I've been separated and 'celibate' going on almost 2 years, while many appear to have an issue with not having sex (from a male's perspective) I'm actually thankful I never gave into the offers I have received.

Rather than have it come off as some sort of 'weakness', I'm quite proud of my new ability to not be okay with entering relationships with certain people out of pure neediness.

Best of luck to you RD .. but you have a long way to go my friend. Which is okay. Don't get me wrong. Lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

Spur of the moment first dinner date



Maybe I'll have a horrible story to tell you guys later LOL


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Spur of the moment first dinner date
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe I'll have a horrible story to tell you guys later LOL



oooo im excited for you VI.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Spur of the moment first dinner date
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe I'll have a horrible story to tell you guys later LOL


Spur of the moment is probably better--less time to psych yourself out of a good time!

Have fun!


----------



## Jellybeans

Have fun, Vi!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Having a great time so far....just being myself....I'll name this one karaoke hat


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Every time I read RD say "Meh" it just comes off (to me) as some self defensive passive aggressive mechanism for not being able to admit he's unable to make a solid, straight line decision. One that's based on what's best for him in the end and being okay with it possibly not working out.
> 
> I've been separated and 'celibate' going on almost 2 years, while many appear to have an issue with not having sex (from a male's perspective) I'm actually thankful I never gave into the offers I have received.
> 
> Rather than have it come off as some sort of 'weakness', I'm quite proud of my new ability to not be okay with entering relationships with certain people out of pure neediness.
> 
> Best of luck to you RD .. but you have a long way to go my friend. Which is okay. Don't get me wrong. Lol.


Yep l'm 8mths , no problemo. Had some fun , nothing since , l don't care. When you compare all the crap feelings that come with trying to make it happen with just anyone , l can go munk.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Yep l'm 8mths , no problemo. Had some fun , nothing since , l don't care. When you compare all the crap feelings that come with trying to make it happen with just anyone , l can go munk.


Totally agree with this. Empty sex just sucks...much better to be celebate IMO.


----------



## vi_bride04

Karaoke hat is fun. Good singer  had a great time and he was very respectful....only a hug at the end and looks like a second date soon. Cuz I'm awesome when I'm just being myself


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Karaoke hat is fun. Good singer  had a great time and he was very respectful....only a hug at the end and looks like a second date soon. Cuz I'm awesome when I'm just being myself


Im sooo glad to hear to had a good time... dating should be fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

:/.... sigh i think someone was streching the truth on how long they have been divorced.... i get it, ive been there but now im going to make this even go slower... i know i fudged how long i had been separated when i was first divorced, i do get it

you know sometimes life was soo mich simpler before i found TAM... i didnt fact check everything, i actually belived people.... dont get me wrong its saved me some heartache... i think i read around here somewher its like swallowing the red pill in matrix... how very true
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

First date #2 tonight 

This one I have been interested in since joining POF. First and only profile that really grabbed my attention. Had a link to a shrink4men article (why men should avoid princesses) and was written like someone who was more self aware than average. I messaged him first and we messaged back and forth. I seemed to have passed all his crazy tests and we are meeting up tonight for dinner. Sense of humor is off the charts with this one and he gets my wit too. Just seems to be a 'click' there. Really looking forward to it. I mean I'm actually excited. I feel excited!!!! Been awhile since I felt that way.

Not sure what to name this hat yet. Unsure already has shrink hat claimed....


----------



## unsure78

lol.... good for you VI... i would love to read his profile... feel free to send it to me off this site if you want to share
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> lol.... good for you VI... i would love to read his profile... feel free to send it to me off this site if you want to share
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I sent you a PM. Has my profile link in there too, Critique away.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> First date #2 tonight
> 
> This one I have been interested in since joining POF. First and only profile that really grabbed my attention. Had a link to a shrink4men article (why men should avoid princesses) and was written like someone who was more self aware than average. I messaged him first and we messaged back and forth. I seemed to have passed all his crazy tests and we are meeting up tonight for dinner. Sense of humor is off the charts with this one and he gets my wit too. Just seems to be a 'click' there. Really looking forward to it. I mean I'm actually excited. I feel excited!!!! Been awhile since I felt that way.
> 
> Not sure what to name this hat yet. Unsure already has shrink hat claimed....


I have one of these tonight too! :smthumbup: Good click in communication so far, so I am looking forward to this! Then tomorrow I have another first date too, that one is just flat out HAWT!! 

I am hoping for a real connection soon, I have two other guys wanting to go out as well! I am overwhelmed and if there is no connection with any of these guys, I am taking a break for a while!


----------



## vi_bride04

Seems like its raining men for 2014


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Seems like its raining men for 2014


AMEN.... hahahaahahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Seems like its raining men for 2014


So it does! lol! 

Forgot to mention the AMAZING booty call I had last night too! (AND this morning!) Busy weekend for me!


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> So it does! lol!
> 
> Forgot to mention the AMAZING booty call I had last night too! (AND this morning!) Busy weekend for me!


hahahahah what? awesome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I absolutely love when it rains men!


----------



## Paradise

You ladies are on FIRE!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I absolutely love when it rains men!


bwahahahahaahaaghhahhah..... love it UP
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

You read long enough, and it all starts to make sense.


----------



## unsure78

hehe it looks like a fights going to break out in the singles... im grabbing my popcorn and taking a seat, i could use some amusement
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

All I hear is jealousy. I wasn't okay with a particular man verbally tonguing my ear through phone calls. What can I say, I've found far less delusional ones.


----------



## Another Planet

I must have missed it?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> I must have missed it?


Unless you consider passive aggressive comments made through quotes of someone you've repeatedly announced to the community that you've put on ignore 'it' ... nothing to see here.


----------



## vi_bride04

Come on lets ruin this fun thread.....

Thanks!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Not sure what to name this hat yet. Unsure already has shrink hat claimed....


:rofl: 

I love that we name them all, the men and women of Singles of TAM, alike.





vi_bride04 said:


> Seems like its raining men for 2014





unsure78 said:


> AMEN.... hahahaahahahaha



Hallelujah!

(Sorry, couldn't resist). Hee hee.


----------



## Jellybeans

Conrad said:


> You read long enough, and it all starts to make sense.


All right. Who peed in Conrad's Cheerios? Lighten up, Conrad. This is a FUN thread. Stop being such a Debbie Downer. Be happy!


----------



## Paradise

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I love that we name them all, the men and women of Singles of TAM, alike.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hallelujah!
> 
> (Sorry, couldn't resist). Hee hee.


And Jelly....Why aren't you on a hot date tonight? Come on now, you can't let these ladies show you up!!!

Where's Grandpa Hat?


----------



## Jellybeans

I am on a hot date tonight... with my vacuum assemble project and my laundry. Hehehe. Me and my bottle of red wine.


----------



## Paradise

Jellybeans said:


> I am on a hot date tonight... with my vacuum assemble project and my laundry. Hehehe. Me and my bottle of red wine.


Now that IS a hot date! Hope all of these other ladies are taking notes!!!!:smthumbup:

I'm stuck inside with this darn snow!!! Getting cabin fever already and winter isn't even half over


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Paradise said:


> Now that IS a hot date! Hope all of these other ladies are taking notes!!!!:smthumbup:
> 
> I'm stuck inside with this darn snow!!! Getting cabin fever already and winter isn't even half over


Yeah the snow sucks. Will be snowing here for another 24 hours...no date since the roads are one big pile of poo...


----------



## Pbartender

Just got back from a fun White Elephant party hosted by the local SCA group -- one of the members is a friend and she's been trying to recruit me. Came back with a juggling set, a Kumihimo braiding disk, and a copy of the novel _I Am Legend_.

While I was there an old friend who I hadn't heard from in a while texted me... "My house Fri. Open Bar."

Might have to make a little time to stop in and say Hi.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah the snow sucks. Will be snowing here for another 24 hours...no date since the roads are one big pile of poo...


damn! I think the best time to have dates is when it is snowing!
because then you can stay inside and enjoy!!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I love that we name them all, the men and women of Singles of TAM, .


whats amusing is i totally do it irl too now... every single date gets a nickname, and if the stick around long enough i often even call them by it, they all seem to enjoy it(some times its the same as tam nickname, sometimes different)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

Pbartender said:


> "My house Fri. Open Bar."


This is beautiful. I have a tear in my eye.


----------



## angstire

unsure78 said:


> whats amusing is i totally do it irl too now... every single date gets a nickname, and if the stick around long enough i often even call them by it, they all seem to enjoy it(some times its the same as tam nickname, sometimes different)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Depends if it's flattering or not if they like it. 

But, I do this too. There's so many effing Jen, Jenny, Jennifers in my age range that they MUST have nicknames. Seriously, in the last 5 months I've gone on dates with at least 4.


----------



## angelpixie

I had a great night at contra - one of our favorite bands, who stops by this same time each year, and a great caller. Since I was the coordinator for tonight's dance, I had to stay after it was over to help the get everything put away in the hall we use. A couple of the guys asked if I wanted to join them all for a beer after we were done. My automatic reaction is to beg off with some excuse, but they were persistent, and I realized I really didn't have a good reason to say no. DS wasn't with me, as he is about 1/2 the time. This is the kind of thing I've been _wanting _to happen: spontaneous, 'organic' invites to do things outside of organized activities. So, I went. And it was fun.  They said they'll be doing it again in two weeks, and they'll add me to the email list for when they have spontaneous weeknight get-togethers after work.


----------



## unsure78

yea angel... glad you had fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

ok soo special agent is kinda coming on strong... we had one date, granted it was a good one, and second date will be next weekend, i do like him... but he seems very willing to jump to a relationship status, lots of compliments from him, ive heard a few"if we were in a relationship comments"... this is not usual, right guys??? some of his story sounded somewhat like mine, somewhat codependent.... hes been divorced like a minute.... but i also know what it feels like to be freshly divorced and actually meet one you click with....
thoughts anyone??... i will keep it slow with him

hahah i have slow thats moved almost nowhere in 6 months.... and special agent that seems to want to move a light speed (though maybe he just nervous and new to the dating game)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

He's very vulnerable at present... I found myself in the same situation but thankfully not silly enough to make such suggestions too fast. As you said:



> but i also know what it feels like to be freshly divorced and actually meet one you click with


Just see how it goes, don't be too guarded. Let things happen naturally.


----------



## Conrad

Jellybeans said:


> All right. Who peed in Conrad's Cheerios? Lighten up, Conrad. This is a FUN thread. Stop being such a Debbie Downer. Be happy!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> ok soo special agent is kinda coming on strong... we had one date, granted it was a good one, and second date will be next weekend, i do like him... but he seems very willing to jump to a relationship status, lots of compliments from him, ive heard a few"if we were in a relationship comments"... this is not usual, right guys??? some of his story sounded somewhat like mine, somewhat codependent.... hes been divorced like a minute.... but i also know what it feels like to be freshly divorced and actually meet one you click with....
> thoughts anyone??... i will keep it slow with him
> 
> hahah i have slow thats moved almost nowhere in 6 months.... and special agent that seems to want to move a light speed (though maybe he just nervous and new to the dating game)
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unsure, the signs are there.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Careful unsure...watch out for love bombing next.


----------



## unsure78

im keeping my guard up.... one thing at a time... im in noooo rush.... he hasnt said anything totally out of line and he told me he is dating others (so am i)...this is new behavior for me....i will continue to observe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sounds like he's trying to sell himself.


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey Unsure you can call this one 'Fast Hat' ha ha :smthumbup:

I would be a little wary myself but then I'm a cynical old bag


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> Hey Unsure you can call this one 'Fast Hat' ha ha :smthumbup:
> 
> I would be a little wary myself but then I'm a cynical old bag


lol... im wary too... ive seen too much not to be...but i do believe in giving people a shot, but observing...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Nothing cynical about it, Dolly. If someone started saying "if we were in a relationship"-type things after ONE DATE, no matter how well you 'clicked'... I don't think that's *a* red flag, I think that's


----------



## unsure78

hahah angel.... i was having a hard time gauging if it was more like him trying to tell me whats hes like/ he comes off a little inexperienced or naive.... but it could have been with the other intention.... i know ive daydreamed after a date or two what someone i was smitten with what it would be like with them... i just never say anything
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

unsure78 said:


> hahah angel.... i was having a hard time gauging if it was more like him trying to tell me whats hes like/ he comes off a little inexperienced or naive.... but it could have been with the other intention.... i know ive daydreamed after a date or two what someone i was smitten with what it would be like with them... i just never say anything
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My experience is anyone in that fast after a date or two is looking to lock down a relationship. I've observed this about myself too.

Have fun, but take it slow. And watch.


----------



## Nsweet

I didn't know where else to put this but in the singles thread. At least it made me laugh, and I recognize that expression.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey my little bro is ALIVE

Where you been


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Hey my little bro is ALIVE
> 
> Where you been


Internet was off for a while, then I caught the flu or a serious cold the other day. I'm still sick now but doing ok. 

I also made myself go out to a bar for New Years. It was awkward being alone, single, and sober the entire night, but the girl singing karaoke and twisting up the words to be about her cheating ex boyfriend contracting herpes was so freakin worth it. It was hilarious once I realized I wasn't just imagining it.:rofl: No kiss or any action though.


----------



## unsure78

yea nsweet is back!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

The number of women on Match actively seeking dates since Jan 1 has skyrocketed. WTF, but a happy WTF.


----------



## unsure78

angstire said:


> The number of women on Match actively seeking dates since Jan 1 has skyrocketed. WTF, but a happy WTF.


thats cool... i just got an email from a 51 yr old on match...uuhhh im 35...lol... i think i might be hiding my profile again i have enough between SA, slow, and one other in the email stage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Paradise

angstire said:


> The number of women on Match actively seeking dates since Jan 1 has skyrocketed. WTF, but a happy WTF.


Not sure if this is true or not but I've talked to ladies in the past that usually get a free 3 month or 6 month trial around the new year. Guys get like 25% off! 

I would actually do match again but I will not waste money I don't have to get another 3 months on that site. I have better things to spend money on right now. And POF takes a LONG time to sort through. Maybe when the summer gets here and I have a bit more time on my hands.


----------



## angstire

I've heard POF is difficult, lots of people and not very committed. You get what you pay for.

Match charges dudes more than ladies?! What?!! Sounds like the ladies night scam.  Oh well, it's working.

Online dating take a lot of time though, to get to an in-person date anyway.


----------



## unsure78

angstire said:


> Online dating take a lot of time though, to get to an in-person date anyway.


really? whats does it take for you guys to get a girl out? I often will let the guy set the pace but sometime will suggest meeting if its going to slow for my pace.... perhaps im just aggressive
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Paradise

I had decent luck on match. Signed up right after my divorce and ended up with about 10 dates over a few months and then dated a gal for about 3 months. But....I was no where near ready to date. 

My experience with POF has been pretty bad. The last three dates I've been on from that site have all been horrible. But, it is very difficult to get anyone to respond. I can't recall a bad date from match, just quite a few misses which can be expected. 

On another note...Met up with a female friend of mine over the weekend for a few drinks and dinner. She spent the entire time on her darn phone texting and then talked about herself and her dating non-stop for the rest of the time. Why do people do that? Why can't people put that stupid phone away when with someone else? I finally called it a night and told her to have fun with her phone.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, just a quick predictable event happened this weekend...... My ex got married in November (two months ago). I sit here with my kids tonight (not my weekend) because she kicked dude out and it got physical. Apparently, she is trying to get an annulment. What a bunch of psycho!

Nothing suprises me anymore. lol


----------



## Nsweet

My ex remarried too! She married the OM from the looks of it.... 

And I just could not happier that I'm no longer an option for her. Let some other dumbass take her abuse and grief, and get cheated on by her as history repeats itself with crazy again. 

She's still on the dating site where she met us both almost daily, supposedly to "make friends". Yeah, I call bullsh!t! You don't stay logged on a dating site for any other reason than looking for trouble.


----------



## Paradise

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, just a quick predictable event happened this weekend...... My ex got married in November (two months ago). I sit here with my kids tonight (not my weekend) because she kicked dude out and it got physical. Apparently, she is trying to get an annulment. What a bunch of psycho!
> 
> Nothing suprises me anymore. lol


Hopefully the kids weren't around this....My ex married POSOM 2 years ago and while I don't sit around waiting for it to blow up it will not surprise me one bit if it does. I might be the lucky 10% or so that sees the affair partner make it...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Paradise said:


> Hopefully the kids weren't around this....My ex married POSOM 2 years ago and while I don't sit around waiting for it to blow up it will not surprise me one bit if it does. I might be the lucky 10% or so that sees the affair partner make it...


They were around it. They were scared. Kids are with me until further notice.  My oldest said, "You said it would probably happen two years from now not two months!" They had only been dating since April. Heck, I've been dating my gf for a year and we just intro'd the kids in August.


----------



## Paradise

Dedicated2Her said:


> They were around it. They were scared. Kids are with me until further notice.  My oldest said, "You said it would probably happen two years from now not two months!" They had only been dating since April. Heck, I've been dating my gf for a year and we just intro'd the kids in August.


Sorry to hear about that. Glad they have your home to go to. This is something I worry about because the arguments escalated quickly in my exes 1st two marriages, including ours.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Paradise said:


> Sorry to hear about that. Glad they have your home to go to. This is something I worry about because the arguments escalated quickly in my exes 1st two marriages, including ours.


Thanks. They aren't used to it. We didn't have disagreements in front of the kids, especially anything with raised voices. It has been a tumultuous couple of months with them. They really have a even deeper respect for me through it all, so it isn't all bad.


----------



## Paradise

I'm sure they feel very safe around you. Keep listening to them as I am sure you already do. I bet they are pretty confused by all of this.


----------



## angelpixie

Paradise said:


> Hopefully the kids weren't around this....My ex married POSOM 2 years ago and while I don't sit around waiting for it to blow up it will not surprise me one bit if it does. I might be the lucky 10% or so that sees the affair partner make it...


Yeah, me, too. Though I wonder...

Case in point. I'm going to MN later this week to help my brother go through the last of our late mom's stuff. The 'marital home' is so close to the airport that you can see it from the Master Bedroom window. I'd been debating asking Ex if I could leave my car at the house instead of paying for long-term parking (and him giving me a ride to the airport, since I'd be dropping DS off with him right before my flight). It's not like he doesn't owe me. 

Well, I finally asked a couple days ago. He said it was fine with him...but he had to ask Trampire. They're not married. She doesn't own the house. But clearly, he feels he has to ask her permission.  I was due to pick DS up from them later, and he told me he'd let me know then. Well, when I got there, they were both sitting on the sofa, which I can see from the foyer. He leaned over to tell me that it was fine to get a ride and leave the car. He was perfectly friendly, but she looked totally pissed, sitting there with her arms crossed in front of her. I just smiled very sweetly at both of them and told them I realllly appreciated it and wished them a good night.  

So, it worked out perfectly. I got what I needed, and she's totally pissed in the process. Win/win!! :smthumbup: :rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Paradise said:


> I'm sure they feel very safe around you. Keep listening to them as I am sure you already do. I bet they are pretty confused by all of this.


I have talked through all of it with them, so they knew what to do when things blew up. It's funny, they actually say I'm their 'therapist'....lol


----------



## unsure78

im sorry to hear all.of that D2H, but sounds like the kids are in good stable hands with you...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

hahahahah Angel Love It!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> im sorry to hear all.of that D2H, but sounds like the kids are in good stable hands with you...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No worries. I actually have been pursuing custody changes and this really helps my cause.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> hahahahah Angel Love It!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too...omg

So why is miss priss being such a pissy pants?? She's not happy with the most wonderful man in the world??

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Me too...omg
> 
> So why is miss priss being such a pissy pants?? She's not happy with the most wonderful man in the world??
> 
> Hahahahahahahahahahahaha



heheheheh this made me laugh....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Me too...omg
> 
> So why is miss priss being such a pissy pants?? She's not happy with the most wonderful man in the world??
> 
> Hahahahahahahahahahahaha



I know, right? I mean...she WON!! :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Winner winner chinless dinner!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> I know, right? I mean...she WON!! :rofl:


What did she win? A loser? A cheater? A liar? That's some grand prize.:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

angstire said:


> *I've heard POF is difficult, lots of people and not very committed. You get what you pay for.*
> 
> Match charges dudes more than ladies?! What?!! Sounds like the ladies night scam.  Oh well, it's working.
> 
> Online dating take a lot of time though, to get to an in-person date anyway.


I have actually been having really good luck with POF! I have had one date off there, and had one lined up for today from there too, but the weather caused us to cancel. I am talking to several very nice men, and am finding way more to choose from than Match. And much better QUALITY men than Zoosk! That one is horrible. Maybe POF is better for women?


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm having ok luck with POF too...well so far. I'm not very active on it but have found a couple of nice and respectful guys to talk to.


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Winner winner chinless dinner!


:lol:

:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Winner winner chinless dinner!


VI is on fire! the cold makes this girl hott
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> What did she win? A loser? A cheater? A liar? That's some grand prize.:rofl:


It is for another loser cheater liar


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> It is for another loser cheater liar



Exactly!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> VI is on fire! the cold makes this girl hott
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shoveling snow makes this girl hot....LOL

There is at least 10-12" out there 

Too bad its not connected to any man


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Shoveling snow makes this girl hot....LOL
> 
> There is at least 10-12" out there
> 
> Too bad its not connected to any man


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Shoveling snow makes this girl hot....LOL
> 
> There is at least 10-12" out there
> 
> Too bad its not connected to any man


hahahah... hmmm makes me think of... yea you know VI... hmm SA has big hands like killer did....wonder if it holds true... you know i really should find out for reseach sake....hahahaahahahagag
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Shoveling snow makes this girl hot....LOL
> 
> There is at least 10-12" out there
> 
> Too bad its not connected to any man


Yeah, if you think I'm chopping off 2-4" for you you're crazy.


----------



## angelpixie

All I have to say to that is...Ouch!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> All I have to say to that is...Ouch!


I was just trying to be funny...I agree with this. No way could I take one that big...


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I was just trying to be funny...I agree with this. No way could I take one that big...


Meh, the first 4-6" is for her,the rest is just for bragging rights. 

And there are certain positions like lazy doggy where being longer is more beneficial.:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Meh, the first 4-6" is for her,the rest is just for bragging rights.
> 
> And there are certain positions like lazy doggy where being longer is more beneficial.:smthumbup:


Lazy doggy? I have an idea what this might be, but could you please elaborate??


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Lazy doggy? I have an idea what this might be, but could you please elaborate??


Rear PIV penetration with you laying down. Sometimes you have to use a pillow to create a little arch, but most women do fine just starting off with doggystyle and then falling forwards. 

If you've never tried it you definitely should. This position puts a lot of emphasis on your g-spot and all you really have to do is open your legs a little and maybe push back on him. It's also great for clitoral and nipple play with him, using your own hands, or using a vibrator.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Rear PIV penetration with you laying down. Sometimes you have to use a pillow to create a little arch, but most women do fine just starting off with doggystyle and then falling forwards.
> 
> If you've never tried it you definitely should. This position puts a lot of emphasis on your g-spot and all you really have to do is open your legs a little and maybe push back on him. It's also great for clitoral and nipple play with him, using your own hands, or using a vibrator.


HA thats what I thought! One of my favorites!!  I didnt realize it had a name, LOL!


----------



## vi_bride04

Uh oh...sunday night shenanigans going on in here!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Rear PIV penetration with you laying down. Sometimes you have to use a pillow to create a little arch, but most women do fine just starting off with doggystyle and then falling forwards.
> 
> If you've never tried it you definitely should. This position puts a lot of emphasis on your g-spot and all you really have to do is open your legs a little and maybe push back on him. It's also great for clitoral and nipple play with him, using your own hands, or using a vibrator.


Oh crap. Did this the other night. For a [email protected] long time. lol


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Oh crap. Did this the other night. For a [email protected] long time. lol


Yeah, you can last a long time in this position and really make her squeal. It's my second favorite PIV position besides... Well, I call it "the back-breaker" because you really have to have a lot of endurance for the rowing position or your back will give out. Her vagina seems to get longer too!:smthumbup:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, you can last a long time in this position and really make her squeal. It's my second favorite PIV position besides... Well, I call it "the back-breaker" because you really have to have a lot of endurance for the rowing position or your back will give out. Her vagina seems to get longer too!:smthumbup:


and thus, crossfit helps again..........rowing position. lol


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> and thus, crossfit helps again..........rowing position. lol


Crossfit sucks! Go lift some sandbags using just your forearms, no hands, and do some strict military deadhang or jackknife pullups. Those two exercises will have you strong enough to f*ck really fat chicks in no time.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Crossfit sucks! Go lift some sandbags using just your forearms, no hands, and do some strict military deadhang or jackknife pullups. Those two exercises will have you strong enough to f*ck really fat chicks in no time.


I beg to disagree. Since I started, I have lost an inch off my waist and gained 12 pounds. I was doing a pretty strict lifting regimen before then to get myself into a good strong position. Crossfit has helped me immensely in growing strength and increasing my flexibility dramatically. I mix in a good mix of trail running, yoga, and two days of extra heavy lifting in addition to the crossfit. I'm good.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> I beg to disagree. Since I started, I have lost an inch off my waist and gained 12 pounds. I was doing a pretty strict lifting regimen before then to get myself into a good strong position. Crossfit has helped me immensely in growing strength and increasing my flexibility dramatically. I mix in a good mix of trail running, yoga, and two days of extra heavy lifting in addition to the crossfit. I'm good.


Can you do it without "Kipping"?


----------



## vi_bride04

I miss trail running. Gonna pick it up again in the spring.....nothing like running through the woods with my pups.

Can't wait for spring. The snow drifts are so tall in my back yard I had to shovel part of it so my dogs could go to the bathroom. I'm excited to deal with the driveway in the morning after it drifts over some more. :sly:


----------



## unsure78

ooo fun times in here... so cold out, glad to be snuggling with my pups tonight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> ooo fun times in here... so cold out, glad to be snuggling with my pups tonight
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't forget the tasty ta-tas, bangin' booty, and those delicious curves. You're never cold and alone when your body's got it goin' on. BANG!:smthumbup:

And I'm out.:rofl: 

This creepy/funny compliment has been provided by lots and lots of nighttime cold medicine combined with caffeine. Cold medicine + No Doze, for when you absolutely have to have to stay up late and say whatever is on your mind without any censoring from your social filter.:rofl:


----------



## stillhoping

Ahh, that explains it, I was beginning to think I had signed in to some kind of kinky s*x blog


----------



## Dollystanford

Only NSweet could change a sex conversation to an argument about working out so quickly


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Only NSweet could change a sex conversation to an argument about working out so quickly


Oh you know it. Don't forget cooking too. As much as I like to talk about sex and working out, I get a little OCD when talking about food.

No kidding, I made a complete turkey dinner and a chocolate oreo cake in 3.5hrs for my dad and my 22yo step mom and a house guest. Then a the other day I made a blueberry and peach pie using coconut cookies for the crust and spent hours slowly cooking the fruit into pie filling.


----------



## Dollystanford

See when you say 'house guest' I immediately have to put the inverted commas round it. What kind of house guest? Is it a sex guest?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> See when you say 'house guest' I immediately have to put the inverted commas round it. What kind of house guest? Is it a sex guest?


Not even. *HE* is an annoying bipolar wack ass rapper and wannabe MMA fighter, lush, pothead, and serial droner who I can't get my mom to throw out because he's helping with the bills in exchange for a recliner to sleep on. He'd be ok if he would just take his meds and shut the f*ck up, but no. He likes to ask you a question and then but in whith his pothead rationalization of the world where everything leads to some spiritual bull**** or how the government is out to get him. A really stupid motherf*cker too! Like you should hear the way he's been throwing out the word "investment" without any common sense in regards to savings. He just smokes pot and talks about how it's a good "investment" for his body, and other sh!t like that.


----------



## Dollystanford

he wants to be an MMA fighter but smokes pot? How's that working for him?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> he wants to be an MMA fighter but smokes pot? How's that working for him?


He's got a beer belly and over eats ever chance he gets. I could probably kick his ass without any formal training. 

I know he wants to get me into an MMA gym to try out for his coach, and he's willing to pay the bill, but IDK. Something about the idea of concussions and a broken nose doesn't seem too appealing, but if there's any money in it I'll give it a shot.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Like you should hear the way he's been throwing out the word "investment" without any common sense in regards to savings. *He just smokes pot and talks about how it's a good "investment" for his body*, *and other sh!t like that*.





Nsweet said:


> I know he wants to get me into an MMA gym to try out for his coach, and he's willing to pay the bill, but IDK. *Something about the idea of concussions and a broken nose doesn't seem too appealing, but if there's any money in it I'll give it a shot*.


:scratchhead:   

I wouldn't recommend it, Nsweet. Doesn't seem like a good 'investment' for your body, either.


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't break that pretty face!


----------



## unsure78

no nsweet... i can tell you from first hand experience on that one...dont do it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Can you do it without "Kipping"?


I can do all the movements without "kipping"....yes. If I do dead pullups, I do them weighted. C'mon, man. You know better than that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> Don't break that pretty face!


Face, schmace... It's your brain rattling around inside your skull that you don't want.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> He leaned over to tell me that it was fine to get a ride and leave the car. He was perfectly friendly, but she looked totally pissed, sitting there with her arms crossed in front of her.* I just smiled very sweetly at both of them and told them I realllly appreciated it and wished them a good night.  *


:rofl: :rofl:

This is SO something I would do, too. So funny! 
Your chipperness probably pissed her off even more. Hahaha. 

What is this rowing position Nsweet is talking about?
I want to know about this!


----------



## vi_bride04

MMA fighters are such a turn off for me. Physical fighting even for sport just makes me so uncomfortable.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I would love to train as a mma fighter but I have no interest in actually fighting.


----------



## Dollystanford

I like the look but not the aggression - fighting for a living doesn't appeal to me either

For my man. Not for me. Obviously


----------



## Ikaika

06Daddio08 said:


> I would love to train as a mma fighter but I have no interest in actually fighting.



My nephew did it for a while till the LVPD told him to knock it off. He is a detective for the force. He was good, never hurt his face or brains. 

He admits, not a the best hobby or past time to take up. Bad characters involved.


----------



## Pbartender

I don't know...

It'd be interesting to learn a martial art, certainly.

But when I was in grade school, I was short, I was scrawny, and I was a pretty big nerd. In short, I was a bully magnet. I got into enough fights during those years that fighting that way for fun... as a hobby... simply doesn't appeal to me.


----------



## Ikaika

Pbartender said:


> I don't know...
> 
> 
> 
> It'd be interesting to learn a martial art, certainly.
> 
> 
> 
> But when I was in grade school, I was short, I was scrawny, and I was a pretty big nerd. In short, I was a bully magnet. I got into enough fights during those years that fighting that way for fun... as a hobby... simply doesn't appeal to me.



If you want to learn martial arts for defense purposes, I would recommend Tai Kwan Do or Karate. If you want to get full contact form of martial arts to get your aggressions out, judo or kendo. I have done all of them at one time or another.

http://youtu.be/Q4SHWXQBVL4


----------



## Pbartender

drerio said:


> If you want to learn martial arts for defense purposes, I would recommend Tai Kwan Do or Karate. If you want to get full contact form of martial arts to get your aggressions out, judo or kendo. I have done all of them at one time or another.
> 
> Kendo in High Speed Camera(Slow Motion) - YouTube


I learned a little bit of kendo in college to help learn some stage combat techniques for a couple of plays I was in. That, I enjoyed quite a bit... Fencing would be another one.


----------



## Dollystanford

My daughter does Tae Kwon Do and my sister was an Aikido black belt

I think martial arts are great for discipline and fitness but not for people who just want to beat the sh*t out of others


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> My daughter does Tae Kwon Do and my sister was an Aikido black belt
> 
> 
> 
> I think martial arts are great for discipline and fitness but not for people who just want to beat the sh*t out of others



Totally agree, although I will say that along with the discipline and respect one learns, kendo is a blast. The dojo I was part of was filled with businessman and women and M.Ds. Summertime was killer when you had don the bogu in the sweltering heat.


----------



## angelpixie

DS is still taking fencing, and I do think it has helped him a bit with being more aware of movement, gaining confidence, etc. We never figured he'd get to the point of competition, and he doesn't seem to want that, but he is still enjoying it. I have thought on several occasions that I'd like to try it, if it wasn't such an expensive sport. It requires strength, but it is elegant as well. And, well, I could use a little help in both those things. 

My parents sent me to judo classes the summer after third grade. It was a mixed class with adults and kids (crazy when you think about it now -- good thing I was a little big for my age, lol). They did it to 'toughen me up,' and I did have more confidence by the time I was done. I guess I kind of had to, or I'd have been tossed all over the place by grown-ups.


----------



## Nsweet

My plan is to train for 6 months for an MMA fight, fight one time, and if I don't like it I'll never ever do it again. I'm no real fighter or anything but I'll at least give it a shot so I don't have any regrets about not ever trying. 

I weighed myself at 186lbs before I got sick and I bet I've lost a pound from lack of appetite since then, so that's only 20lbs from where I want to be. And the training wouldn't be any different from how I workout with the exception of more focus on endurance like I planned. 

Who knows, it might be fun.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> My plan is to train for 6 months for an MMA fight, fight one time, and if I don't like it I'll never ever do it again. I'm no real fighter or anything but I'll at least give it a shot so I don't have any regrets about not ever trying.
> 
> I weighed myself at 186lbs before I got sick and I bet I've lost a pound from lack of appetite since then, so that's only 20lbs from where I want to be. And the training wouldn't be any different from how I workout with the exception of more focus on endurance like I planned.
> 
> Who knows, it might be fun.


Nsweet dont do it... as someone i recently dated did that as a profession you know for like 10 yrs and trained thoes guys for a living... he said everyone think its cool to fight until the first punch is thrown and its real....


take that head of yours and go to school, not beat on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Nsweet said:


> My plan is to train for 6 months for an MMA fight, fight one time, and if I don't like it I'll never ever do it again. I'm no real fighter or anything but I'll at least give it a shot so I don't have any regrets about not ever trying.
> 
> I weighed myself at 186lbs before I got sick and I bet I've lost a pound from lack of appetite since then, so that's only 20lbs from where I want to be. And the training wouldn't be any different from how I workout with the exception of more focus on endurance like I planned.
> 
> Who knows, it might be fun.


My nephew said unlike traditional boxing or even in martial arts sparring, MMA is different. You have to always be the aggressor or you will not end up "doing well". 

The thing that always surprised me is that my nephew is such a good nature'd person. Always willing to give even a stranger a helping hand. He said, his mind set changed when in the ring. So unless you have that natural aggressive spirit about you, I would caution you about doing this. Even one time you could get seriously hurt. 

I like the idea of training for MMA, but not actually competing. My BIL, is part of a boxing club. They train and spar with all the head gear, but nothing like what you see in these matches. And, in boxing there are "rules". MMA hardly has any, just pure aggression. 

Give it some real deep thought.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Nsweet dont do it... as someone i recently dated did that as a profession you know for like 10 yrs and trained thoes guys for a living... he said everyone think its cool to fight until the first punch is thrown and its real....
> 
> 
> take that head of yours and go to school, not beat on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just one fight. It will be something to mark off from my bucket list. I'll just do it and move on to something else.... 

Maybe make a no budget porno shot at home, get a tattoo, dye my hair some crazy color again, or make a bunch of youtube videos on recovering from a breakup or something.


----------



## vi_bride04

I do have to say being a single female who is out of shape really sucks when dumped on with 16" of snow. 

I am literally unable to leave my house. I cannot physically finish shoveling my driveway and I have no cash (I have money but not in cash form) to pay someone to come out and plow it. 

I'm really frustrated today.


----------



## Nsweet

That's why I'm just thinking about one fight. 

I mean I'm not a fighter, and one time I even got my ass whooped by a little bitty dude in a training suit made from punching glove material. So I'll probably end up training for months and months and go down in the first round, but I at least gotta try. I owe it to myself to try and fail instead of never ever trying in the first place and regretting never taking the opportunity.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I do have to say being a single female who is out of shape really sucks when dumped on with 16" of snow.
> 
> I am literally unable to leave my house. I cannot physically finish shoveling my driveway and I have no cash to pay someone to come out and plow it.
> 
> I'm really frustrated today.


I know I keep saying it, but..... Craig's List.

Somewhere out there there is a horny pervert willing to shovel your driveway in exchange for seeing some titties.:smthumbup:

You add a beer and some food to that and you can take your pick of em.


----------



## Jellybeans

FrenchFry said:


> Hi! I'm a silent lurker in this thread because I really have no business here but I like the optimism.


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Feel free to lurk and stop in anytime. This is one crazy thread full of fun people. We have a great time!


----------



## hope4family

vi_bride04 said:


> I do have to say being a single female who is out of shape really sucks when dumped on with 16" of snow.
> 
> I am literally unable to leave my house. I cannot physically finish shoveling my driveway and I have no cash (I have money but not in cash form) to pay someone to come out and plow it.
> 
> I'm really frustrated today.


I saw your profile. To your credit. You aren't bad at all. 

Few "in shape" people could plow 16 inches of snow. 

The correct question could be, if he could do it all, does he win your heart?


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> I saw your profile. To your credit. You aren't bad at all.
> 
> Few "in shape" people could plow 16 inches of snow.
> 
> The correct question could be, if he could do it all, does he win your heart?


oooo is h4f trying.to.win VI???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Vi is in need of a good ol' Canadian boy. All she has to do is buy tickets to the gun show!


----------



## Ikaika

FrenchFry said:


> Hi! I'm a silent lurker in this thread because *I really have no business here *but I like the optimism.
> 
> My husband is/was a fighter and now trains people. The biggest thing you need to know nsweet is that there is a non-insignificant chance of serious injury, disfigurement and/or death that isn't the same in other martial arts 100% due to the aggression and multi-facted nature of the sport. It's something to take extremely seriously because the people who love to do this _love_ to hurt people and don't hold back on the chance to do so.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes.


I don't either, but I have a few friends here. Mostly I just read a little now and then. I don't bother too much with the dating issues. My wife and I date, but knowing your date and finding out about the new person can be two different things.

I just pop in now and then, like now, when I think a friend of mine will do something he/she may regret. I don't want to see Nsweet get hurt. 

BTW, my nephew said he would never do it again. 

I do thing Vi needs to join the Healthy Living Group  Just saying


----------



## 06Daddio08

I wish tapatalk accommodated the group's into its software.


----------



## Nsweet

Your wife and you date? You mean each other right? I hope that's what you mean.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> I do have to say being a single female who is out of shape really sucks when dumped on with 16" of snow.
> 
> I am literally unable to leave my house. I cannot physically finish shoveling my driveway and I have no cash (I have money but not in cash form) to pay someone to come out and plow it.
> 
> I'm really frustrated today.



Rock salt and window washer fluid?

That's what I usually resort to when it dumps in the driveway... Occasionally pots of hot water in spots that are especially piled up.

Snow's a beeyotch. Top of the short list of things I miss having Useless around for. For all his faults, he was certainly diligent about dealing with the white stuff!


----------



## vi_bride04

You guys crack me up. 

Nothing left to do but go out in the deep freeze and try to dig myself out I guess. Its the 3-4ft drifts down a 60yrd driveway that really make it seem impossible. I'm so sore already. I feel defeated.


----------



## Ikaika

Nsweet said:


> Your wife and you date? You mean each other right? I hope that's what you mean.


sorry, Yes we only date each other. I always forget that I am on TAM and what I said could be construed in so many different ways.

ETA: Lets just say not all men are nasty dogs but some of us are loyal ones and even after 19 years know the good in their spouse.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> You guys crack me up.
> 
> Nothing left to do *but go out in the deep freeze* and try to dig myself out I guess. Its the 3-4ft drifts down a 60yrd driveway that really make it seem impossible. I'm so sore already. I feel defeated.


:scratchhead: 

Looking outside my door:
Kaneohe, HI
Monday 12:00 PM
Scattered Clouds
76F (24C)

No deep free for me


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> You guys crack me up.
> 
> Nothing left to do but go out in the deep freeze and try to dig myself out I guess. Its the 3-4ft drifts down a 60yrd driveway that really make it seem impossible. I'm so sore already. I feel defeated.


i feel your pain on this one VI... i was lucky and a gentlemanly older neighbor snowblowed it for me yesterdat and blues actually shoveled the sidewalk and stoop when he stopped over last night..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

drerio said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Looking outside my door:
> Kaneohe, HI
> Monday 12:00 PM
> Scattered Clouds
> 76F (24C)
> 
> No deep free for me



I got married in honolulu... I also have an aunt that lives there its beautiful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Found someone who takes PayPal. God I love technology.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Found someone who takes PayPal. God I love technology.



awesome
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> I got married in honolulu... I also have an aunt that lives there its beautiful
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am originally from Kauai, wife is from Kaneohe (Windward O'ahu)

It is beautiful. Your avatar looks like the Ohia lehua blossom. 

So for all you snow birds, pic taken just last week. At the top of a hiking trail behind our house:


----------



## Nsweet

drerio said:


> sorry, Yes we only date each other. I always forget that I am on TAM and what I said could be construed in so many different ways.
> 
> ETA: Lets just say not all men are nasty dogs but some of us are loyal ones and even after 19 years know the good in their spouse.


Yeah, I never got that expression either. If you treat your dog well he won't leave your side or attack you. It's cats that are straight up assh*les no matter how well you are to them. I have five and they're just always disrespectful creatures. 

If anything I think faithful men are more like talking parrots. You can train em to say nothing but nice things about you, they listen to your every word with constant eye contact (from either side), and they'll bite any other woman that tries to touch them.:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

drerio said:


> I am originally from Kauai, wife is from Kaneohe (Windward O'ahu)
> 
> It is beautiful. Your avatar looks like the Ohia lehua blossom.
> 
> So for all you snow birds, pic taken just last week. At the top of a hiking trail behind our house:


its gorgeous drerio... i would like to go back someday.... yea i actually picked it for my avatar cause it looked like hawaii... remined me of my wedding... (not my first avatar here though, used to have a pic of one of my pups up before i got worried about someobe recognizing me)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> *I do have to say being a single female who is out of shape really sucks when dumped on with 16" of snow.
> *
> I am literally unable to leave my house. I cannot physically finish shoveling my driveway and I have no cash (I have money but not in cash form) to pay someone to come out and plow it.
> 
> I'm really frustrated today.


So I'm not alone! It took me over an hour and a half to clear my driveway this afternoon!  I HATE this sh!t!! Luckily, a snowplow driver took some pity on me, and cleared in front of the driveway for me! Thats the worst part, so if I could have, I would have kissed him for that! 

I did get to work from home today, so at least I didnt have to shovel and then go to work.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Vi is in need of a good ol' Canadian boy. All she has to do is buy tickets to the gun show!


Yeah, as someone whom has been dealing with -30C temps for most of the past several weeks I found myself thinking 16" of snow isn't too bad, its when the wind changes direction and blows it all back again, and polishes it up to a nice hardpacked single slab the width of the driveway, it really sucks, and then yet again after you cleared the crunchy stuff when it changes back to prevailing NW winds again.

It's usually about the end of January though that most people give up, knowing that the melt is only 3.5 months away.


----------



## Lon

I closed my eyes and blindly scrolled past Drerio's pics. I don't need to see that, I'm just glad that we've been given a reprieve from the really cold snap for the evening and it warmed up to a tepid -22C. I was even just out there in my pj's to plug the car in for the night.


----------



## RandomDude

Make up your mind woman! At least STBX has made up her mind! God... when one fails, the other succeeds, and when one succeeds, the other one fails. To hell with both of them!

Meh, at least I broke celibacy... but with consequences it seems. What have I DONE?! Pffft


----------



## Nsweet

Oh dear God, this new roommate is creeping me the f*ck out. He just sits across the living room looking at me and talking to himself in a mumbled tone for like 30 minutes at a time. My mom said something too him and he confronted me about it, but all I caught from him was something about he thinks I was brainwashed by the military into being quiet and no one is going to take his freedom of speech away from him. Then I'm pretty sure he mentioned something about MMA and another crazy chestnut about Communism. It's like I swear to god he's giving me all the fun of hearing voices without the brain damage or mental disorders. 

I thought something was wrong with me because if ever go over to someone elses house I am so quiet and at peace that they start asking me if anything's wrong. And I've never had a house guest that just won't shut the **** up. Seriously, at this point I would welcome a 22yoserority sister just coming into her sexuality that talks endlessly about her sisters and cute guys. Hell, I'd paint my toenails pretty pink with her (because I'm weird like that, and it's only gay if you wear flip flops) and probably watch a lot of MTV reality shoes. 

Damn, I never realized it but I enjoy being single just for the peace and quiet. I want to be able to think to myself and TAM, watch movies, porn, and play video games, workout, and whatever without some creepy f*ck staring at me and endlessly talking to himself. Man, I may have to go get a girlfriend to have somewhere to escape to.


----------



## RandomDude

> all I caught from him was something about he thinks I was brainwashed by the military into being quiet and no one is going to take his freedom of speech away from him


Those are fighting words, I would have just cracked his face in. But meh, I'm just in a sh-t mood today.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Those are fighting words, I would have just cracked his face in. But meh, I'm just in a sh-t mood today.


I had that exact same fantasy too. Calling me "brainwashed" because I served in the Navy for a few years is like the dumbest insult. And this guy probably the dumbest guy I've ever met. He was seriously trying to define "Religion" the other day as "doing ligion again", and then he had the nerve to ask me what "Ligion" meant. I was like :slap::banghead: amd thinking "It's like he f*cking five".:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

I would definitely have called him out on that regardless, it's dumb sure but it shows no respect. I don't tolerate that sh-t when it comes to my household.

Out you go back on the streets! And hopefully they'll learn how to be a more likable roommate.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> I would definitely have called him out on that regardless, it's dumb sure but it shows no respect. I don't tolerate that sh-t when it comes to my household.
> 
> Out you go back on the streets! And hopefully they'll learn how to be a more likable roommate.


I tried telling my mom, but she said she's not going to just toss him out since he's dropping a lot of extra money for rent and really helping with the bills. 

So I'm probably going to start making excuses to get out of the house more often just to get away from him. Since it's so cold I may just got TAM from a coffee shop or try to do some volunteer work. Something, anything to get away from this crazy-making bastard.

I really do feel like I'm going crazy. I can't stand having someone talk to me like they're talking to themselves and just going on and on. And of course my mom is telling me to be nicer to him, but almost everytime I try to talk to him I have to tell him to shut up so I can finish my sentence without him talking to himself again. 

And btw his adopted parents are cool as hell and NORMAL. I met them last Friday and they understood what I was dealing with.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah, it's always about the money isn't it?

I would move out bro, but that's just me, or like you said - just stay away from home, and when you come home late at night just go from A to B from front door to your room. Me personally, I don't need that sh-t in my life.


----------



## Nsweet

Dude, I don't have a room! I sleep in the living room of a small one bedroom apartment on a leaky air mattress.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Oh hell living conditions unacceptable... I would move... like, now


----------



## Nsweet

This crazy ass needy motherf*cker is shadow boxing in front of me because I got so sick of his rant on free speech I popped in the headphones to drown him. Now he's desperately trying to get my attention again so he can keep mumbling to himself and pretending he has an audience. 

I swear to god I'm going to end up going to jail a couple days from now. I just know it's going to happen because he's getting more and more pushy and drinking all freaking day, on top of smoking pot, and turning into a really crazy annoying assh*le. 

I keep telling my mother, "this is why you don't bring home friends you make in the mental hospital." No joke.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Make up your mind woman! At least STBX has made up her mind! God... when one fails, the other succeeds, and when one succeeds, the other one fails. To hell with both of them!
> 
> Meh, at least I broke celibacy... but with consequences it seems. What have I DONE?! Pffft


See...sometimes celibacy isn't that bad. Especially if doing the deed brings out crazy town.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet my little cub... dont do anything stupid.....

how about getting a part time job or volunteer with normal people to get yourself in a good state
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> See...sometimes celibacy isn't that bad. Especially if doing the deed brings out crazy town.


Well I dunno, while a part of me regrets it, the other part doesn't

Meh, well I'm sure my experience can help me go back to porn for another year or so


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> This crazy ass needy motherf*cker is shadow boxing in front of me because I got so sick of his rant on free speech I popped in the headphones to drown him. Now he's desperately trying to get my attention again so he can keep mumbling to himself and pretending he has an audience.
> 
> I swear to god I'm going to end up going to jail a couple days from now. I just know it's going to happen because he's getting more and more pushy and drinking all freaking day, on top of smoking pot, and turning into a really crazy annoying assh*le.
> 
> I keep telling my mother, "this is why you don't bring home friends you make in the mental hospital." No joke.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Mate, just get out or kick him out, seriously


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Yeah, as someone whom has been dealing with -30C temps for most of the past several weeks I found myself thinking 16" of snow isn't too bad, its when the wind changes direction and blows it all back again, and polishes it up to a nice hardpacked single slab the width of the driveway, it really sucks, and then yet again after you cleared the crunchy stuff when it changes back to prevailing NW winds again.
> 
> It's usually about the end of January though that most people give up, knowing that the melt is only 3.5 months away.


I'll take -30c over the -40 to -50c we've been getting!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> I'll take -30c over the -40 to -50c we've been getting!


I thought you were in Canada? Or are you in the Antarctic? Canadians don't use windchill equivalents unless asked!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> I thought you were in Canada? Or are you in the Antarctic? Canadians don't use windchill equivalents unless asked!


Prairies man, flat land means the windchill plays a big factor. Haha.


----------



## unsure78

kinda bored... schools closed... house bound again... going stir crazy... guess i will clean my house and figure out more indoor activites for DS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Prairies man, flat land means the windchill plays a big factor. Haha.


I know, wind chill was -54 here on Sunday, and I was out in it for a couple hours. Brutal. Today is -24 and the windchill is only -33 and it feels relatively balmy, nice to shed a layer . -24 always feels so much warmer after a cold snap than before.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> kinda bored... schools closed... house bound again... going stir crazy... guess i will clean my house and figure out more indoor activites for DS
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I found this: 17 Great Indoor Games and Activities 

Man, I must be a big kid cuz alot of these sound like fun


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I found this: 17 Great Indoor Games and Activities
> 
> Man, I must be a big kid cuz alot of these sound like fun


thanks VI... it wouldnt be so bad but we have been off the last 2 weeks for the holidays and the week before that DS was sick some... sad to say im super ready to go back to work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

5 degrees today. Not into it.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> 5 degrees today. Not into it.


Fahrenheit I presume? (Which would be respectable)


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> 5 degrees today. Not into it.


Actual temp was -11 on my way to work today. I'll take 5 degrees.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Heatwave here today, so far we are up to 9 degrees.


----------



## Jellybeans

The crazy thing is it is supposed to be 68 on Sunday. CRAZY


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> The crazy thing is it is supposed to be 68 on Sunday. CRAZY


It got just above freezing here on Christmas eve, so all the sand that was layered nicely in the melting ice sunk to the bottom and now roads are icy like crazy. Something to be said for staying frozen, wish it was just -10 all winter.


----------



## vi_bride04

Remember this while dating ladies:


----------



## Soveryalone

hola singles of TAM, stay sane, stay happy stay SINGLE for life 
true story ^^


----------



## unsure78

sigh.... yea 2014 starting off not so good... it will all be ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> sigh.... yea 2014 starting off not so good... it will all be ok
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At least you're getting laid.

What's that you say? You're a rich, thin, and pretty mom with amazing TnA, and all you do is complain about the jerks who don't work out. Do you offer a class at the learning annex? Because I would like to find a rich, pretty, asslicious, 30-something, divorcee, mom too.:smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

I'm sorry, Unsure, but...



Nsweet said:


> At least you're getting laid.
> 
> What's that you say? You're a rich, thin, and pretty mom with amazing TnA, and all you do is complain about the jerks who don't work out. Do you offer a class at the learning annex? Because I would like to find a rich, pretty, asslicious, 30-something, divorcee, mom too.:smthumbup:


:rofl:

Nsweet's an *******.

:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Second date tonight! 

Maybe I will have someone to plow my driveway this winter


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> At least you're getting laid.
> 
> What's that you say? You're a rich, thin, and pretty mom with amazing TnA, and all you do is complain about the jerks who don't work out. Do you offer a class at the learning annex? Because I would like to find a rich, pretty, asslicious, 30-something, divorcee, mom too.:smthumbup:


How ya doing bud!


----------



## Another Planet

Holy ship I have been working too much.....I don't even know what day it is.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> How ya doing bud!


I'm good. I'm just getting over a cold and high fever from this weekend.


----------



## ladylaker

I met a man on match. For the first time ever, I felt that initial chemistry on our very first meeting. Everything felt so....warm and comfortable, relaxed and affectionate. We held hands the entire night. We kissed and for lack of a better word "made out". We met the first of October, have only seen each other 4 times. I found out he's seeing someone else. Somehow, I got shoved into the "Other Woman" position. I was gone most of November out of state but we stayed in touch while I was away. Every time we see each other, sparks fly. He tells me how much he likes me and spending time with me and how much we have in common but then when we part, he never calls or does any pursuing. How can someone show and verbalize so much, then once I'm out of sight, I'm obviously out of mind. HELP


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> At least you're getting laid.
> 
> What's that you say? You're a rich, thin, and pretty mom with amazing TnA, and all you do is complain about the jerks who don't work out. Do you offer a class at the learning annex? Because I would like to find a rich, pretty, asslicious, 30-something, divorcee, mom too.:smthumbup:



umm not rich, not currently getting laid, and my crappy day had to do with a health problem that i got some news about today... this was then followed by my son accidently doing some damage to my house....gentelman their is a lot more to my life than just whoever i go on a date with, its just what i post here since that's mostly followed what we talk about since its a singles thread

and nsweet everything i have accumlated has been through my hard work and smart decisions, not given to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

*Ladylaker,* 

Chemistry like that on a first date is usually a bad sign. Normally everything isn't picture perfect unless they're really acting the part, mirroring your wants and needs, and just telling you what you want to hear. Case in point, he's probably doing to same things with these other women and attempting to juggle all of you by telling each and every one of you that you're "special".


----------



## unsure78

If i am not welcome here and if i am just seen as a spolied whiny b!tch i will gladly bow out...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

ladylaker said:


> I met a man on match. For the first time ever, I felt that initial chemistry on our very first meeting. Everything felt so....warm and comfortable, relaxed and affectionate. We held hands the entire night. We kissed and for lack of a better word "made out". We met the first of October, have only seen each other 4 times. I found out he's seeing someone else. Somehow, I got shoved into the "Other Woman" position. I was gone most of November out of state but we stayed in touch while I was away. Every time we see each other, sparks fly. He tells me how much he likes me and spending time with me and how much we have in common but then when we part, he never calls or does any pursuing. How can someone show and verbalize so much, then once I'm out of sight, I'm obviously out of mind. HELP


honey
If a man want to be with you, absolutely nothing will stop him.
If you are the kind to want a definition, ask him point blank what his deal is. Tell him you want more from him. 
He may think you are crazy but at least you will know.
Do not waste your time waiting for someone who makes you feel like ****. 
Watch the movie "he is just not that into you" or read the book


----------



## Another Planet

I don't think that is what he was saying unsure. I don't think that and I have never gotten that vibe. 
Maybe Nsweet was just relating your experiences to his.


----------



## COGypsy

unsure78 said:


> If i am not welcome here and if i am just seen as a spolied whiny b!tch i will gladly bow out...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Consider the source before you spend too much energy feeling offended. Or just go by majority rule--we'll all vote to keep you in our club!


----------



## Nsweet

You know that's not what I meant Unsure78. I wasn't making fun of you for coming here and ranting about serious problems, or insinuating that you get things just handed to you because you're pretty. 

I was just trying to make you laugh and rethink about some things. You really are smoking hot and super smart, and you do seem to chase after the bad boys who undermine your intelligence and take everything but your looks for granted.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well. I have my first date since separating! Sunday lunch.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> If i am not welcome here and if i am just seen as a spolied whiny b!tch i will gladly bow out...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Woman, dont you DARE!

FINALLY!!! A first date with a connection! :smthumbup: Second date on Friday!


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> If i am not welcome here and if i am just seen as a spolied whiny b!tch i will gladly bow out...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If anything I should be voted out. I am not even single. But, I care about folks here. And only wish the best for you. Plus some of you know I have single relatives on the island. Anytime you come to visit


----------



## Nsweet

If anyone is interested in Red Flags this is one of my favorite articles on how abusive people think and act. Warning Signs You're Dating A Loser! I've been reading it while this douche bag house guest has been trying to shame me for not wanting to go along with some bullsh!t plans he has for me. Things that I would never want to do with him. 

I also have a few points I need to type up later on some of the things I've noticed in people. Things like how the most abusive people will start off telling you their sad life story and then they'll keep ringing that bell to draw on your sympathy. Or like how this guy and past exes moved too fast, told me all their plans with me or tried to get me to include them in everything I would later do, and then took up every ounce of free time I had... Because real losers don't have friends. And it's not because they're loners, it's because they smother everyone that they get close enough to and drive them away. 

Also I've noticed BIGGER than life plans are common with these people. It's one thing to have dreams about being a rock star when you're 13, but when you're a sh!tty musician sleeping on a stranger's couch it's time to grow it. And it's not like it's someone with a electrical or mechanical back ground talking about patents and inventions in their spare time. I'm talking about someone without a place to live, a car, or a job, always talking living the rich life or buying really expensive things with no plan on how they're going to get there. 

Now these sorts of things don't apply to everyone going though a hard time, and some people still going through betrayal/divorce are going to be a little needy or repetitive with their tale. It's just seems to me it's always the people who are weird and pushy from the beginning, and follow you around the house telling you their ideas without listening to you or valuing your original ideas and goals. Those are the people that end up making you crazy later on.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, who's getting laid tonight? This guy.:smthumbup: This thread needs some upbeat action.


----------



## vi_bride04

Holy sh!t there are a lot of dates going on in this thread!!

Oh and I had a second date with karaoke hat. Not a second first date with someone new


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> If i am not welcome here and if i am just seen as a spolied whiny b!tch i will gladly bow out...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_








3Xnocharm said:


> Woman, dont you DARE!


I agree. Don't let the ramblings of a 20 something youngin' send you packing from this thread. We love you unsure!!!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, V. Did the date meet your expectations?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> If anything I should be voted out. I am not even single. But, I care about folks here. And only wish the best for you. Plus some of you know I have single relatives on the island. Anytime you come to visit


There is a front runner for who should be voted out, but I'll take the passive aggressive 'backhanded' approach and not mention names!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> So, V. Did the date meet your expectations?


No expectations so it went great


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> There is a front runner for who should be voted out, but I'll take the passive aggressive 'backhanded' approach and not mention names!


Hmm... Methinks I know what you are talking about. 



drerio said:


> If anything I should be voted out. I am not even single. But, I care about folks here. And only wish the best for you. Plus some of you know I have single relatives on the island. Anytime you come to visit


LOL. I love all the traffic we get in this thread from marrieds and other fly-by posters who enjoy our Singles in TAM chatter and crazy dating stories. It proves that this thread is AWESOME. 

Don't leave, Drerio. You are a cool cat.

If you have a hot cousin or something and I am ever in Hawaii, I will take you up on that offer. Muahaha.




ladylaker said:


> I met a man on match. For the first time ever, I felt that initial chemistry on our very first meeting. We met the first of October, have only seen each other 4 times. I found out he's seeing someone else. Somehow, I got shoved into the "Other Woman" position. I was gone most of November out of state but we stayed in touch while I was away. Every time we see each other, sparks fly. He tells me how much he likes me and spending time with me and how much we have in common but then when we part, he never calls or does any pursuing. How can someone show and verbalize so much, then once I'm out of sight, I'm obviously out of mind. HELP


Ok I have been in a "slow" situation like that w/ not a lot of contact between seeing eachother BUT not int he Other Woman thing.

I think, despite you having feelings (which sucks, right), you already know what to do. Don't be the Other Woman. It's lame. You said you "found out" he was seeing someone else. Did you discover this on your own or did he tell you? If you found out alone, then that means he didn't even have th stones to tell you, which is lame. He seems to want to keep you in his back pocket. Chemistry, good chemistry, is rare but in this case it seems, much as you hate to think that, he is toying with you. You should tell him (if you are still in touch) that you like him but aren't into being the side piece.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> No expectations so it went great


That's the only way to be, man. 
That is what I need to do: have super low expectations and high standards.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> I agree. Don't let the ramblings of a 20 something youngin' send you packing from this thread. We love you unsure!!!


I love you, Unsure, but I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that Nsweet didn't say anything different from things he's said many times before. I will respectfully disagree with Vi that they are just ramblings. You know he thinks you're hot and a great person. He was just ribbing you a little, like we _all _rib each other _all _the time. It seemed different to you, Unsure, because of things going on behind the scenes in your life, which none of us are privy to. NOBODY mentioned anything about you leaving (or anyone leaving, for that matter - I'm looking at you, drerio  ), NOBODY called you a spoiled whiny b!tch. You have lots of friends here, who want to lend an ear or a shoulder if you want it, I daresay Nsweet included.

I hope you're feeling better today. 

OK, let's all have a grope-y group hug and get back on track.


----------



## Lon

(Big gropey group hug)


----------



## Jellybeans

I liked your comment, Lon and then I noticed the GROPE part. HAHA

I thought it said "Big group group hug."

:rofl:

I also don't think Nsweet meant any harm, Unsure. You better stay with us here or I will be veddy angry! You don't want to see me throwing jellybeans at people cause I am mad! LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh gosh, Now I just saw that viBride mentioned the groping hug. (Sometimes I read these threads backwards). You guys are a horny bunch. 

What am I going to do with you guys? Can't take you anywhere.

LOL

Kidding.

Love you guys!


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Oh gosh, Now I just saw that viBride mentioned the groping hug. (Sometimes I read these threads backwards). You guys are a horny bunch.
> 
> What am I going to do with you guys? Can't take you anywhere.
> 
> LOL
> 
> Kidding.
> 
> Love you guys!


You're confusing Vi_bride and angelpixie again, JB... Don't make us send you back to the old folks' home.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hey I don't mind being confused for AP, she's awesome


----------



## angelpixie

Back atcha, Vi.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am gonna be in the nursing home sooner than I thought. Hahaha.


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> I am gonna be in the nursing home sooner than I thought. Hahaha.


Dang! If you're ready for the home, there's DEFINITELY no hope for me! If you're old, then not only am I over the hill, I'm not even sure I could still see the hill in my rearview mirror!

:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

We're doomed!


----------



## Ikaika

Wait COGypsy, I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest here, which why Jellybean's comment about my island cousins almost made me laugh. Think nephews, JB. Banging my cane against the chair "huh, what did you say, what, what..."


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. This goes from a competition for who should get voted off the island, to a competition for who's the oldest and most feeble? Some dating thread! I give up on you guys. 


j/k


----------



## COGypsy

Ha ha--if it's any consolation AP, the guy I've been dating for ages now is older and feebler than me. Except on Bottomless Mimosa brunches. He out paces me every time!

I'll be willing to defer to you on the age ranking, drerio--but I've got a lot of these whippersnappers beat, I believe!


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Wait COGypsy, I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest here, which why Jellybean's comment about my island cousins almost made me laugh. Think nephews, JB. Banging my cane against the chair "huh, what did you say, what, what..."


Nephews?! Oh, no I can't with that. Unless they are of age (my age). Or unless one of your nephews happens to be Jason Momoa. Hot hot Hawaiian man. I love him.

I may be thirty-two but I have an old soul and have always been told I was very mature for my age, even as a girl. I have a horrid memory.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Ha ha--if it's any consolation AP, *the guy I've been dating* for ages now is older and feebler than me. Except on Bottomless Mimosa brunches. He out paces me every time!
> 
> I'll be willing to defer to you on the age ranking, drerio--but I've got a lot of these whippersnappers beat, I believe!


CO...I ALWAYS forget that you are female. LOL. I know. I am silly.

Mmm I love mimosas!


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Ha ha--if it's any consolation AP, *the guy I've been dating* for ages now is older and feebler than me. Except on Bottomless Mimosa brunches. He out paces me every time!
> 
> I'll be willing to defer to you on the age ranking, drerio--but I've got a lot of these whippersnappers beat, I believe!


CO...I ALWAYS forget that you are female. LOL. I know. I am silly.

Mmm I love mimosas!


----------



## angelpixie

COGypsy said:


> I'll be willing to defer to you on the age ranking, drerio--but I've got a lot of these whippersnappers beat, I believe!


Yeah, I think I do, too. But you're only as young as you feel, right?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Nephews?! Oh, no I can't with that. Unless they are of age (my age). Or unless one of your nephews happens to be Jason Momoa. Hot hot Hawaiian man. I love him.
> 
> *I may be thirty-two* but I have an old soul and have always been told I was very mature for my age, even as a girl. I have a horrid memory.


PSSHT. Pup!!


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> CO...I ALWAYS forget that you are female. LOL. I know. I am silly.
> 
> Mmm I love mimosas!


You're probably mixing me up with COGuy.....heck he and I get ourselves confused with each other sometimes!


----------



## COGypsy

angelpixie said:


> Yeah, I think I do, too. But you're only as young as you feel, right?


Every time Mr. Mantastic mutters about mid-life crises and such, I remind him that he's only as old as the woman he feels 

Sadly for him, I hit 40 in a few months, so I'm not sure that will be much of a comfort


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Nephews?! Oh, no I can't with that. Unless they are of age (my age). Or unless one of your nephews happens to be Jason Momoa. Hot hot Hawaiian man. I love him.
> 
> I may be thirty-two but I have an old soul and have always been told I was very mature for my age, even as a girl. I have a horrid memory.



My oldest nephew is 40 :rofl: only 13 years younger than me. Of course my nephews are hot, is there any other kind of Hawaiian 

Btw, I have three of them on one of my albums... Only two shown there are already married.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Yeah, I think I do, too. But you're only as young as you feel, right?



Another shameless plug for healthy living. I may be 53, but feel a couple of decades younger


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Every time Mr. Mantastic mutters about mid-life crises and such,* I remind him that he's only as old as the woman he feels*


Awesome response! :smthumbup:



drerio said:


> My oldest nephew is 40. Of course my nephews are hot, is there any other kind of Hawaiian


Oh goodie!


----------



## angelpixie

COGypsy said:


> Every time Mr. Mantastic mutters about mid-life crises and such, I remind him that he's only as old as the woman he feels


Actually it works in reverse, too.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Actually it works in reverse, too.


Lucky you.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Another shameless plug for healthy living. I may be 53, but feel a couple of decades younger


Your sons are adorable!!!


----------



## ne9907

You guys are awesome, always put a smile on my face


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Your sons are adorable!!!


Thank you. They get it from my wife's side of the family. 

The oldest is autistic but we are doing are best to help him. The youngest one, look out world. Not sure where he gets his feisty energetic personality.


----------



## Jellybeans

Aww. That is so lovely! And rock on with your bad healthy living self! You look great, drerio. You and your wife have a beautiful family! Oh and nephew on the left... hot. LOL


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Aww. That is so lovely! And rock on with your bad healthy living self! You look great, drerio. You and your wife had a beautiful family! *Oh and nephew on the left... hot*. LOL


 And single


----------



## vi_bride04

drerio said:


> And single


What island? I made friends with a local on my trip out there in 2012. She lives on Kauai and I plan on visiting her this year if I can afford it  (i'm gonna beat you Jelly )


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL you're funny, Vi.

Nephew 2 looks young though... he may be younger than me.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> LOL you're funny, Vi.
> 
> Nephew 2 looks young though... he may be younger than me.


Lets not fight - we should just take a trip to Hawaii together. My friend has a large extended family too and some good looking kin. A week with drerio, a week with my friend - it will be epic


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> *What island?* I made friends with a local on my trip out there in 2012. She lives on Kauai and I plan on visiting her this year if I can afford it  (i'm gonna beat you Jelly )


Kauai, my oldest brother's three boys. Where I grew up. _Da bestest island in all of Hawai'i nei._


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Lets not fight - we should just take a trip to Hawaii together. My friend has a large extended family too and some *good looking kin*. A week with drerio, a week with my friend - it will be epic


If they are Hawaiian they have to be good looking! 

I live on O'ahu, Windward Coast. I have relatives on all the islands except the Big Island. My sister used to live there, she passed away in 2005.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Lets not fight - we should just take a trip to Hawaii together. My friend has a large extended family too and some good looking kin. A week with drerio, a week with my friend - it will be epic


Haha. I will get my sunblock and bikini ready.

A future pic of us:










Sorry about your sis, Drerio. That is sad. I hope you have a lot of warm memories to remember her by.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I will get my sunblock and bikini ready.
> 
> A future pic of us:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Sorry about your sis*, Drerio. That is sad. I hope you have a lot of warm memories to remember her by.


I do. And, I still miss her. I know it sounds crazy but I still talk to her (I am not nuts, I promise). It was a beautiful ceremony, we scattered her ashes in the ocean. I threw flower petals into the water while my two brothers got out to scattered her ashes. From shore a kahuna chanted (Hawaiian Chant). We then poured wine and Kona coffee into the water. "_Good bye J (sisters first initial), A hui hou_"

We have gone back a few times to scattered more flower petals. I get chicken skin (goose bumps) when I think about it. I do miss her.


----------



## angelpixie

When you go, I expect you two to really take a photo of yourselves dressed like that, in those poses, for us here. (Hawaiian men in photo, optional)


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> When you go, I expect you two to really take a photo of yourselves dressed like that, in those poses, for us here. (*Hawaiian men in photo, optional*)


What? :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> When you go, I expect you two to really take a photo of yourselves dressed like that, in those poses, for us here. *(Hawaiian men in photo, optional)*


Those pics will be private!!!!!   :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Meaning, if they want to send pics of the Hawaiian men they find, they can, but they don't have to.


----------



## ne9907

I want to be Drerio's friend so I can look at the yummy men!~ 
Invite incoming


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Meaning, if they want to send pics of the Hawaiian men they find, they can, but they don't have to.


I will try my hardest to find Jason Momoa. But if that happens, I may never come back to the mainland.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Unsure better get her happy a$$ back into this thread! I have a killer hat to add to my album! :smthumbup:

EDIT...done


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I want to be Drerio's friend so I can look at the yummy men!~
> Invite incoming


I did that too!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm going to Iceland. I heard that the men there like darker ladies, also that since I'm not actually related anyone Icelandic, I stand a better chance in the dating game (JOKING! Except for the part about going to Iceland. Actually there is a phone app where Icelanders can check right away to see if they're related to the person they're chatting with at the bar, etc. For the obvious reason.) I'm not actually expecting any of the men there to be attractive (any more than they are anywhere else I suppose) but at least in the thermal pools you can get an eyeful if they are?


----------



## ne9907

Watching an Army movie, and thinking to myself "Eventually, I want to date a soldier"

Actually, that is all I dated before marriage and that is all I want haha!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Watching an Army movie, and thinking to myself "Eventually, I want to date a soldier"
> 
> Actually, that is all I dated before marriage and that is all I want haha!!


Men in uniform are sexy as sh!t!!


----------



## Pbartender

3Xnocharm said:


> Men in uniform are sexy as sh!t!!


Now you've got me wondering. Just how sexy _is_ sh!t?

I mean... It's sh!t.

:scratchhead:


----------



## Ikaika

Pbartender said:


> Now you've got me wondering. *Just how sexy is sh!t?*
> 
> I mean... It's sh!t.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Oh, that was me in the US Navy... not the sexy part, just the other part :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> Now you've got me wondering. Just how sexy _is_ sh!t?
> 
> I mean... It's sh!t.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Haha, now YOURE a sh!t!


----------



## angelpixie

The other one I've heard is 'sexy as hell.' I don't think hell is supposed to be sexy, either. So, that should definitely be changed to 'sexy as heaven.' Cuz, what's in heaven? Angels, of course. :biggrinangelA:


----------



## vi_bride04

Yeah but hell has all the sin.


----------



## angelpixie

Ahh, the never-ending struggle


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Watching an Army movie, and thinking to myself "Eventually, I want to date a soldier"
> 
> Actually, that is all I dated before marriage and that is all I want haha!!


Join up! Enlist or apply for a direct commission if qualified.
Then you can have your own uniform, and all the benefits (and duties of course) without having to marry them. You can also see for yourself which of those in uniform fit your fantasy version and are worthy of your commitment (and vice versa.)


----------



## angstire

Update from the dating world, women who want to sexualize things early (date 1-2 and the texts in between), will end up being trouble. This is not an absolute, but I have found it to be true generally.

Also, the times I've tried to be flirty and sexualize conversation too soon have blown up in my face almost without exception.

First world problems.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Join up! Enlist or apply for a direct commission if qualified.
> Then you can have your own uniform, and all the benefits (and duties of course) without having to marry them. You can also see for yourself which of those in uniform fit your fantasy version and are worthy of your commitment (and vice versa.)


 way ahead of you. I am a veteran of the US Army and currently a member of the National Guard


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Unsure better get her happy a$$ back into this thread! I have a killer hat to add to my album! :smthumbup:
> 
> EDIT...done


ooo i checked him out... nice ( i put up SA in mine) so what his name going to be... thats the first date chemisty right?


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Join up! Enlist or apply for a direct commission if qualified.
> Then you can have your own uniform, and all the benefits (and duties of course) without having to marry them. You can also see for yourself which of those in uniform fit your fantasy version and are worthy of your commitment (and vice versa.)


I was in the Navy long enough get out for good behavior. I have my benefits, I have the uniforms and the masculinity they instilled in me, along with that get-it-done-with-whatever-you-can attitude (then look me in the eye and don't bullsh!t me). It sounds like they make us into jerks but that's not the case. 

I could still see myself marrying a military woman and helping her out while she's serving. I'll take her uniform to the dry cleaners, setting up appointments and everything she can't do when she's working. Maybe shine her boots, take care of the kids and be mommy and daddy while she's serving half way around the earth, and skype with her until like 2 o-clock in the morning.

I just don't ever want to answer to another military d!ckhead with a mustache, a wife and kids, and a drinking problem and porn addiction who's also f*cking around and then trying to tell me to be just like him or trying to paint me in a bad light because I was five minutes late for muster. I have a lot of issues with my time serving because I lost so much respect for my superiors once I found out everything they were trying to get away with.


----------



## Dollystanford

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm going to Iceland. I heard that the men there like darker ladies, also that since I'm not actually related anyone Icelandic, I stand a better chance in the dating game (JOKING! Except for the part about going to Iceland. Actually there is a phone app where Icelanders can check right away to see if they're related to the person they're chatting with at the bar, etc. For the obvious reason.) I'm not actually expecting any of the men there to be attractive (any more than they are anywhere else I suppose) but at least in the thermal pools you can get an eyeful if they are?


If you like tall, blonde and blue-eyed, a bit rude and unsmiling then Iceland is the place for you


----------



## Nsweet

Oh sweet Jesus, we finally got rid of the crazy (now PSYCHO) douche of a house guest.:smthumbup: 

Police took him back to the mental hospital around 4:10 this morning. We had to surprise him while he was sleeping because he drinks all freakin day and gets more aggressive when he's awake. 

*Long story short.....* he threatened to kill me in all seriousness TWICE, he exposed himself to my mother THREE TIMES, he kept hitting on my mom and tried to touch her in her sleep... which I had to stay up and watch out for (that's why I'm so tired now). He drinks all day and all night and just reeks off booze, he reeked period because he never once took a shower. The guy tried to follow me everywhere, and everywhere he was creeping on women to the point where I had to apologize to them. I even had this married woman walking in the cold with her baby in a stroller pretty much begging me to not let him follow her. Ok, the guy hit on the same married woman at McDonalds THREE TIMES in about 10 minutes and after she rejected him again for the third time he went back to go insult her. 

I still can't believe how I lost it with him today! I mean I was yelling at him deeper and louder than I ever have before with everything coming from the diaphragm, straight up war cry, just telling him to "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!!" and to "GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!". Because he wanted me carry about 50lbs of groceries, with no help from him in the freezing cold, and then suddenly detour from walking back home to wait on his as while he orders coffee. I tried to give him $5 and started walking back home with the things he threw down on the ground, and he just spent the whole walk home saying I was't sh!t - in those words, charging me up, insulting my masculinity compared to himself, and trying to get me to fight him. Lord, I actually imagined letting him hit me right then and there so police would take him off my hands sooner. Why it the losers like to tell you that you're nothing?????

And I never yell at anyone, I mean I am so patient that I will let you yell in my face and look though you. Then I'll ask you what's bothering you. And that's not exactly all from the military, I had to do that with my ex wife all during the divorce just to keep from losing it with her and being the monster she wanted me to be. So it's just so shocking to me that someone so crazy-making can get me to lose my temper. I only did that once with the ex wife and then I felt so bad about it I never did it again... To anyone. And I learned how to keep control of anger on certain levels to where I don't make threats or say things I don't mean, but I really did want to hit this guy and I told him I would if he ever touched me.... To which he later laughed in my face about how his super jujitsu skills got me to lose my cool and then looked me dead in the eyes and told me he would kill me, then laughed it all off like it was all a big joke. Twice he did that. 

I am so not an idiot! I know there are truths in comedy, even if you don't mean it and it's said in jest. Just you picking that joke to tell tells me a little something about you. It's like how I've had cheating exes make those little red flag jokes about screwing other people and then surprise surprise... it happened. Or like how suicidal people will entertain that thought by making jokes about it much to the chagrin to everyone else. And when someone says "I'm going to kill you" in a very serious tone and then tries to play it off by laughing, I'm inclined to take them seriously. Like I needed another excuse to not sleep with that guy around, damn. 

And the thing that really pissed me off was he kept asking me what my interests were, but he never seemed to care about what I said before. And past experiences with hot girls at the bar and beautiful strippers has taught me that when someone asks about you on a deeper level and they don't seem to care, it's because they're probing you for information to use against you. And this guy assumed I wasn't interested in anything (because I wasn't about to tell him anything), and then he said I must not be interested in p*ssy and kept calling me gay. 

It's like I get enough of people calling me a robot because I don't show a lot of facial expression or go deep into my own head around other people. It's more eyes and ears open around other people, a lot of listening to them and watching with the peripherals until I feel safe around them. And that really tends to freak out the people who have something serious to hide! But I don't do it to collect evidence on everyone, I don't even do it consciously. It's like I could just sit at a bar slowly nursing a drink and 3-5 minutes I'd notice which people were single, and of those I'd notice which girls were non smokers, and of those I'd notice which were alone, and when I'd get further into it I'd pick up little things about them that they wished guys would notice. When I'm really in the zone I pick up people's tells for lies and attraction, and some other cool things I can only get from shutting everything out and just listening to everyone passively. It's not something I had a few years ago, and it took a lot of getting over myself to develop and just be willing to listen to others. So it's kinda hurts my feelings when people who never shut up and pay attention tell me I'm boring because I don't like to talk about their favorite subject, them. 

I don't know. I'm just exhausted and ranting here. I think I need to go to bed soon and sleep as hard as I can for once.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angstire said:


> Update from the dating world, women who want to sexualize things early (date 1-2 and the texts in between), will end of being trouble. This is not an absolute, but I have found it to be true generally.
> 
> Also, the times I've tried to be flirty and sexualize conversation too soon have blown up in my face almost without exception.
> 
> *First world problems.*


Haha. Indeed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> ooo i checked him out... nice ( i put up SA in mine) so what his name going to be... thats the first date chemisty right?


He IS yummy, isnt he??  I guess yummy hat? Mr Yumyum?? I dunno...


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> He IS yummy, isnt he??  I guess yummy hat? Mr Yumyum?? I dunno...


what does he do for a living?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> what does he do for a living?


Construction.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Construction.


nice!... hahaha i would totally call him hard hat then ( lol.. double meaning)

whens your next date with him?


----------



## unsure78

oh btw i posted mine in my album go check him out...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> nice!... hahaha i would totally call him hard hat then ( lol.. double meaning)
> 
> whens your next date with him?


I think I like that! :smthumbup: We are supposed to get together tomorrow.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> oh btw i posted mine in my album go check him out...


LOVE the pic with the gun!  Thats hot!

I added another one too.


----------



## doureallycare2

Dollystanford said:


> If you like tall, blonde and blue-eyed, a bit rude and unsmiling then Iceland is the place for you


Dolly that could be me too... oh wait, I smile to much but the rest of it could be me.. lol


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> He IS yummy, isnt he??  I guess yummy hat? Mr Yumyum?? I dunno...





unsure78 said:


> nice!... hahaha i would totally call him hard hat then ( lol.. double meaning)
> 
> whens your next date with him?


Hard YummyYum hat??


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> LOVE the pic with the gun!  Thats hot!
> 
> I added another one too.


That's quite the bike there!... Awesome second date tomorrow 

yea im kinda a sucker for the gun pic... i seem to be liking those gun toting guys lately... prob just a phase for me.. ultimately i seem to mesh the best with the engineer type boys.. but its good to explore and try something different


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Hard YummyYum hat??


when are you seeing karaoke again?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> That's quite the bike there!... Awesome second date tomorrow
> 
> yea im kinda a sucker for the gun pic... i seem to be liking those gun toting guys lately... prob just a phase for me.. ultimately i seem to mesh the best with the engineer type boys.. but its good to explore and try something different


There is something very sexy about a man with a gun who knows how to use it!


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> There is something very sexy about a man with a gun who knows how to use it!


yea kinda true actually... 

one thing at a time with this one though... killer was for fun only- scratching an itch for a bad boy for me, this one im making him work hard for it, since i kinda actually like him...


----------



## 06Daddio08

Oh geez. I'm definitely not sharing my Sunday date with you people. Haha.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Oh geez. I'm definitely not sharing my Sunday date with you people. Haha.


whaaat? absolutely have too.. its required!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> Oh geez. I'm definitely not sharing my Sunday date with you people. Haha.


Aw c'mon, what fun is that??


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> when are you seeing karaoke again?


Probably this weekend. He's a nice down to earth guy. A little bit of an introvert but so far no crazy red flags. We enjoy each others company and its been nice to have a dining buddy. I could see dating him for a bit.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Probably this weekend. He's a nice down to earth guy. A little bit of an introvert but so far no crazy red flags. We enjoy each others company and its been nice to have a dining buddy. I could see dating him for a bit.


nothing wrong with an introvert... glad you are enjoying him


----------



## unsure78

Hey Another Planet tell us about what you are dating now.... guys gotta give more details around here


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> nothing wrong with an introvert... glad you are enjoying him


Yep, I would take an introvert over an obnoxious extrovert any day! (not that all extroverts are obnoxious, just sayin...says the introvert, lol!)


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep, I would take an introvert over an obnoxious extrovert any day! (not that all extroverts are obnoxious, just sayin...says the introvert, lol!)


Well I know I can be pretty loud and obnoxious!! LOL

Yes I am 110% extrovert, no doubt about that. Not sure how I could handle an introvert long term - he doesn't seem to be an extreme case though. He also mentioned some health problems that may affect certain things....another possible no go for long term. 

But just taking it one day at a time. I ain't in any rush to get fully involved or committed to anyone ATM. Having company is nice and thats all I'm taking it as for now.


----------



## ladylaker

Thank you. Wow, is that a hard pill to swallow, finally accepting the signs that someone doesn't want you. I'm obviously upset and my heart aches, now I'm trying to determine why. I think because I feel so stupid. I downloaded that book immediately "He's just not that into you, The no excuses truth", I had never seen the movie, still haven't. But what an eye opener. Every girl should read that in Junior High, it should be part of the curriculum.

I really thought he liked me. I thought we were having a great casual relationship (which I of course wanted a bit more) the sex "I" thought was great, and he even commented each time that it was fabulous. He would hold my hand and kiss me in public, wanted me to meet his dad. His dad even told me, he talked about me all the time. But still he never initiated contact, and as I said in my earlier post, find out (through asking) that he's seeing and sleeping with someone else on a more consistent basis. Where's the V-8 when you need it?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ladylaker said:


> Thank you. Wow, is that a hard pill to swallow, finally accepting the signs that someone doesn't want you. I'm obviously upset and my heart aches, now I'm trying to determine why. I think because I feel so stupid. I downloaded that book immediately "He's just not that into you, The no excuses truth", I had never seen the movie, still haven't. But what an eye opener. Every girl should read that in Junior High, it should be part of the curriculum.
> 
> I really thought he liked me. I thought we were having a great casual relationship (which I of course wanted a bit more) the sex "I" thought was great, and he even commented each time that it was fabulous. He would hold my hand and kiss me in public, wanted me to meet his dad. His dad even told me, he talked about me all the time. But still he never initiated contact, and as I said in my earlier post, find out (through asking) that he's seeing and sleeping with someone else on a more consistent basis. Where's the V-8 when you need it?


I have just been through almost the same thing. I have finally accepted (begrudgingly) that for whatever reason, he doesnt want a committed relationship with me, despite being great as friends and in bed. So for right now, I am enjoying the FWB that we have been indulging in, and will have to say goodbye when one of us finds "the one" that causes us to be exclusive.


----------



## doureallycare2

ladylaker said:


> Thank you. Wow, is that a hard pill to swallow, finally accepting the signs that someone doesn't want you. I'm obviously upset and my heart aches, now I'm trying to determine why. I think because I feel so stupid. I downloaded that book immediately "He's just not that into you, The no excuses truth", I had never seen the movie, still haven't. But what an eye opener. Every girl should read that in Junior High, it should be part of the curriculum.
> 
> I really thought he liked me. I thought we were having a great casual relationship (which I of course wanted a bit more) the sex "I" thought was great, and he even commented each time that it was fabulous. He would hold my hand and kiss me in public, wanted me to meet his dad. His dad even told me, he talked about me all the time. But still he never initiated contact, and as I said in my earlier post, find out (through asking) that he's seeing and sleeping with someone else on a more consistent basis. Where's the V-8 when you need it?


Im new on this tread page but I just have to add my 2 cents.. sorry.

See this bothers me, Why, why, why can’t we just be open and up-front with how we feel so as not to un- nesacarly hurt others. You would think that men and woman in their 40's, 50's ect are grown up and mature enough to say the truth no matter how painful it is. I was seeing a guy that proclaimed love right off the bat. He wanted me to also and I told him it was to early for me. We got into a physical relationship within probably our first 4-5 dates as we both seemed very passionate type people but I had to tell him I was still dating others (not sexually active with anyone else though). My reason I think was I was to scared to commit to one person so soon after my divorce. Also I had doubts about our compatibility in the long run. The sex was great and I didn’t want to stop that but I still had to be honest with him. We broke it off, he wanted more and I couldn’t give it. I’m now seeing someone that I still have my reservations about the relationship but we seem to be on the same page of taking it slow and just enjoying each other.

Ladylaker: you don’t have to settle!!! Decide what you want and go after that.. be picky... remember that you are worth more than what that man was offering. It’s not any lack in you....There will be someone that recognizes that value and will reach out and grab it....don’t be discouraged, when he sees you and wants you, you’ll know it!! What kind of a prize is that other woman getting? NADA.. I wonder if she knows he was sleeping with someone else….? Men or woman that want to “get away” with this type of behavior will ultimately just be alone…
DURC2


----------



## unsure78

doureallycare2 said:


> Im new on this tread page but I just have to add my 2 cents.. sorry.
> 
> See this bothers me, Why, why, why can’t we just be open and up-front with how we feel so as not to un- nesacarly hurt others. You would think that men and woman in their 40's, 50's ect are grown up and mature enough to say the truth no matter how painful it is. I was seeing a guy that proclaimed love right off the bat. He wanted me to also and I told him it was to early for me. We got into a physical relationship within probably our first 4-5 dates as we both seemed very passionate type people but I had to tell him I was still dating others (not sexually active with anyone else though). My reason I think was I was to scared to commit to one person so soon after my divorce. Also I had doubts about our compatibility in the long run. The sex was great and I didn’t want to stop that but I still had to be honest with him. We broke it off, he wanted more and I couldn’t give it. I’m now seeing someone that I still have my reservations about the relationship but we seem to be on the same page of taking it slow and just enjoying each other.
> 
> Ladylaker: you don’t have to settle!!! Decide what you want and go after that.. be picky... remember that you are worth more than what that man was offering. It’s not any lack in you....There will be someone that recognizes that value and will reach out and grab it....don’t be discouraged, when he sees you and wants you, you’ll know it!! What kind of a prize is that other woman getting? NADA.. I wonder if she knows he was sleeping with someone else….? Men or woman that want to “get away” with this type of behavior will ultimately just be alone…
> DURC2


actually I have found dating this time around guys seem to be less honest than back in my college days or perhaps im just more savy/experienced (maybe jaded..lol.. and actions not words) now than i was back then... though perhaps a lot of people just like to have their cake and eat it too... much easier to get what you want when you tell people what they would like to hear


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I have just been through almost the same thing. I have finally accepted (begrudgingly) that for whatever reason, he doesnt want a committed relationship with me, despite being great as friends and in bed. *So for right now, I am enjoying the FWB that we have been indulging in, and will have to say goodbye when one of us finds "the one" that causes us to be exclusive.*


Is this Mr NoChem and is he still seeing that other new girl that he was going to see exclusively?? :scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Is this Mr NoChem and is he still seeing that other new girl that he was going to see exclusively?? :scratchhead:


Yes its him, and the two of them ended up not being exclusive. I would not be doing this if they were.


----------



## vi_bride04

Isn't sex a b!tch!? Especially good sex?? Makes ya do silly things sometimes (speaking from experience!)


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man, might have a first date with shrink4men hat this weekend


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes its him, and the two of them ended up not being exclusive.


I can't say I am surprised. I can't imagine how any of them would want to be involved w/ him knowing he was having so many dalliances with other women.

I do hope you are using protection!



vi_bride04 said:


> Isn't sex a b!tch!? Especially good sex?? Makes ya do silly things sometimes (speaking from experience!)


They don't call it being d!ckmatized for nothing.


----------



## doureallycare2

unsure78 said:


> actually I have found dating this time around guys seem to be less honest than back in my college days or perhaps im just more savy/experienced (maybe jaded..lol.. and actions not words) now than i was back then... though perhaps a lot of people just like to have their cake and eat it too... much easier to get what you want when you tell people what they would like to hear


I agree.. What’s up with that? I guess I just came into it all very naive. I thought my x was the only guy that was that immature that he had to lie about everything...And it doesn’t seem to matter what they look like either, you think well I’ll try Mr. Short and homely then you find out he's just the same. Every woman a conquest and then once they have the woman on to the next (with you on the side)... I really do think I found a genuinely nice guy right now, but we shall see...:scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah if people were just open and honest it would be better.

I remember one guy was interested in me some time back and I told him point blank: I am not into dating, I do not want to date, I am not ready to date. We can be friends but that is it because emotionally I am not there yet so I cannot give you what you need. Yes, it sucks to be on the receiving end of that (and I've been on the other side, too) but if people just told us straight up, life would be so much easier.

Don't you wish there were little cards to fill out we could read:

A. I am interested very much in you
B. Let's be exclusive
C. I am multi-dating and you are one of the multi's
D. I am looking for a wife/husband. Wanna get married?
E. I am crazy 
F. I just want to fck. 
G. Let's go super slow
H. I am looking for a long-term lover/casual/no emotions involved no problems


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Isn't sex a b!tch!?


And to add... what's sex? Who sex? How sex?

I need some sex.

And I will have some sex (hopefully boatloads of it!) in 2014!

Hopefully this is my James Bondette year.


----------



## jpr

Sex??....Did someone say sex?

I am getting a lot of sex lately.

Lots.

...and lots.


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> Sex??....Did someone say sex?
> 
> I am getting a lot of sex lately.
> 
> Lots.
> 
> ...and lots.


Why this face then? --->


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah if people were just open and honest it would be better.
> 
> I remember one guy was interested in me some time back and I told him point blank: I am not into dating, I do not want to date, I am not ready to date. We can be friends but that is it because emotionally I am not there yet so I cannot give you what you need. Yes, it sucks to be on the receiving end of that (and I've been on the other side, too) but if people just told us straight up, life would be so much easier.
> 
> Don't you wish there were little cards to fill out we could read:
> 
> A. I am interested very much in you
> B. Let's be exclusive
> C. I am multi-dating and you are one of the multi's
> D. I am looking for a wife/husband. Wanna get married?
> E. I am crazy
> F. I just want to fck.
> G. Let's go super slow
> H. I am looking for a long-term lover/casual/no emotions involved no problems


I seriously LOVE this idea! Dating sites should mail these out to you when you sign up! lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Why this face then? --->


Yes, it should be this: :woohoo:


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, it should be this: :woohoo:


HAHAHAHA!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## doureallycare2

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah if people were just open and honest it would be better.
> 
> I remember one guy was interested in me some time back and I told him point blank: I am not into dating, I do not want to date, I am not ready to date. We can be friends but that is it because emotionally I am not there yet so I cannot give you what you need. Yes, it sucks to be on the receiving end of that (and I've een on the other side, too) but if people just told us straight up, life would be so much easier.
> 
> Don't you wish there were little cards to fill out we could read:
> 
> A. I am interested very much in you
> B. Let's be exclusive
> C. I am multi-datig and you are one of the multi's
> D. I am looking for a wife. Wanna get married?
> E. I am crazy
> F. I just want to fck.
> G. Let's go super slow
> H. I am looking for a long-term lover/casual/no emotions involved no problems


I think you should add: I. I am looking to multi-fck ether at the same time or seperatly you choose - oh yeh I dont want to wear a rubber eather....

PS: Im not getting enough from my guy...its been 10 days.. how is a girl supposed to survive on that? one of my issues w/ him.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, it should be this: :woohoo:


That's gonna be me.

When you guys see me post that smiley, then you know my new year's resolution has been met. Hahaha.



doureallycare2 said:


> PS: Im not getting enough from my guy...its been 10 days.. how is a girl supposed to survive on that? one of my issues w/ him.


Enough sex or something else?


----------



## vi_bride04

doureallycare2 said:


> I agree.. What’s up with that? I guess I just came into it all very naive. I thought my x was the only guy that was that immature that he had to lie about everything...And it doesn’t seem to matter what they look like either, you think well I’ll try Mr. Short and homely then you find out he's just the same.* Every woman a conquest and then once they have the woman on to the next (with you on the side)*... I really do think I found a genuinely nice guy right now, but we shall see...:scratchhead:


Unless they have ED...then its dating to get to know someone vs trying to get in their pants lol


----------



## doureallycare2

Jellybeans said:


> Tha'ts gonna be me.
> 
> When you guys see me post that smiley, then you know my new year's resolution has been met. Hahaha.
> 
> 
> 
> Enouh sex or something else?


enough sex.. His daughter is home from collage and its hampering my fun...


----------



## jpr

okay....

How about this?

I am getting lots and lot of sex. 
:woohoo:

lots.

...ANNNND, my hat has a very big....ah...ahem...feather in his cap. ...if you know what I mean.  

huge.

humungous.




....and sometimes I wish I could casually bring the size of my new hat up in conversation to my ex. ....just to rub it in a bit. :FIREdevil:


----------



## Jellybeans

That's the spirit!


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> whaaat? absolutely have too.. its required!





3Xnocharm said:


> Aw c'mon, what fun is that??


Haha. I don't judge anyone for sharing their details about who they are currently dating. I mean, that's your life and more power to ya!

While I'm going into these dates with no expectations, I don't feel comfortable or okay with sharing anything other than letting people know it went good or bad.

I suppose it's a boundary thing for me.


----------



## ladylaker

Thanks everyone! Your posts, comments, suggestions, advice and encouragement is wonderful. I just feel so F'ing used. And to answer your questions no, she was/is totally unaware that he was seeing me, sorry, having sex with me. He told me he'd like to keep it that way. 1st off, not my place to tell. 2nd off - I don't know who she is and don't want to know her name. I just wanted him to be honest. 

I totally agree that by the age of 40, we should be done playing games and people are at the ripe adulthood that should flipping know better and treat people better. 

I'm bothered by not knowing why, just like I was in high school not understanding why doing an algebra equation had to be done only a certain way using only one formula. When most of the other issues/problems in the world can be fixed several different ways. By simply using REASON, we're able to fix the problem and move on. I'm sorry to beat a dead horse. I will get thru this. I fell and I fell hard and fast, and because I'm a bit of a control freak, I don't like how I lost control.


----------



## jpr

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha. I don't judge anyone for sharing their details about who they are currently dating. I mean, that's your life and more power to ya!
> 
> While I'm going into these dates with no expectations, I don't feel comfortable or okay with sharing anything other than letting people know it went good or bad.
> 
> I suppose it's a boundary thing for me.


I'm the opposite.

I love details....the more the better. 

And I love hearing the details of other people's lives. ....spicy, juicy, delicious details. 

That is part of the fun of an anonymous internet forum--you can go into more detail and perhaps share more than you would in real life---because it is anonymous. 

....that is why I like reading other people's stories here. I think a lot of us are probably more open here (in some ways...) than we are in real life. 

Details....details...details. Yummy.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> ......I think a lot of us are probably more open here (in some ways...) than we are in real life.


ROFL - I feel I'm more open IRL, giving details I probably shouldn't. Hahaha

Darn forum rules


----------



## 06Daddio08

jpr said:


> I'm the opposite.
> 
> I love details....the more the better.
> 
> And I love hearing the details of other people's lives. ....spicy, juicy, delicious details.
> 
> That is part of the fun of an anonymous internet forum--you can go into more detail and perhaps share more than you would in real life---because it is anonymous.
> 
> ....that is why I like reading other people's stories here. I think a lot of us are probably more open here (in some ways...) than we are in real life.
> 
> Details....details...details. Yummy.


Maybe it's due to the issues I had in my marriage? Being the whole internet thing with the ex and all. I suppose to me, I don't want to invade the privacy of someone I could potentially be with by sharing personal details of them when they aren't aware of it.

But, I want to say again I don't judge anyone for doing it and at times I get a good laugh out of all the stories. It's just not for me


----------



## Jellybeans

ladylaker said:


> I'm bothered by not knowing why, just like I was in high school not understanding why doing an algebra equation had to be done only a certain way using only one formula. When most of the other issues/problems in the world can be fixed several different ways.* By simply using REASON, we're able to fix the problem and move on.*


Why do you assume there is any problem at all? 

Not everyone is going to like you. Just as you won't like everyone you meet, too.
Sometimes, it's just not in the cards.
It sounds like this guy, first and foremost, is a liar since he couldn't even be honest about being with other woman. Imagine if he would have said "I am seeing multiple women so you should know that." Even if you didn't agree with him/like that, you'd have to respect him for his honesty. That's not this guy. Then he's also smarmy cause he told you he didn't want her to find out about it. So he has no problem keeping people in the dark, again. 

Really, from the outside, he doesn't seem like a real catch. In time, you will see this, too.

Stop thinking you did something wrong. Perhaps he just wasn't into you that way and/or he is the kind of man who needs to have a lot of booty available to him or is a player and/or your times aren't matched up (timing is everything). 

Don't get down on yourself. 

I have liked men who haven't liked me back and it sucked but always, when I look back, I see it's better nothing did come of it because...why would I want to be with someone who did not want to be with me? That's why finding someone on the same page as you is a wonderful, magical, rare thing. If we clicked with everyone we met, it wouldn't be as special.




ladylaker said:


> I fell and I fell hard and fast, and because I'm a bit of a control freak, I don't like how I lost control.


You just have to accept that it is not up to you to control everything. Relationships/dating/dalliances are a two-way street. One person may want something, another wants something else. You can't control everything. 

Rejection sucks, sure, but it's part of life.

I always have this little joke I say if I like a guy and it isn't reciprocal -- "He probably just couldn't deal with how AWESOME I am."  Hahaha. At the very least, it makes me smile.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I always have this little joke I say if I like a guy and it isn't reciprocal -- *"He probably just couldn't deal with how AWESOME I am."*  Hahaha. At the very least, it makes me smile.


Thats not a joke, its the truth!!!

Looks like we both have too much awesomeness for some guys to handle cuz I have the same problem of being spectacularly awesome :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

::high-fives ViBride::


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats not a joke, its the truth!!!
> 
> Looks like we both have too much awesomeness for some guys to handle cuz I have the same problem of being spectacularly awesome :smthumbup:


You sure about that, champ?

Guys freak out and stop calling early on for the same reasons women do. Maybe it's something minor like one of his hangups he never clued you into, or maybe he's one of those guys who will invent a reason. Either way it's not easy to tell. 

As a guy, the only thing I can tell you that really freaks men out is *pressure to commit too early on.* I mean.... I could deal with kids, her parents, and maybe a hidden mental problem, but as soon as I feel pressured to stay I'll want to leave. I may make myself stay, but secretly I'll wish I hadn't if it's too soon. 

You've gotta learn that little dance between trying to reel him in and letting some line out. Because men will keep coming back to you if you don't try to trap them, and if you don't give them sex from the start and make it seem like something they talked you into after a bunch of dates they'll want you even more because you're the challenge. I guess we're kinda like male cats in that sense. 

I can tell you for certain I've dated some weird girls, and I mean weird little artists and creepy Susies. A couple hot nerds and such. What made me come back to them was that they didn't try to hound me and make me like them. And during those initial phases where you're just getting to know somebody and the quirks really freak you out, you need your personal time to figure out if you're willing to see past those quirks or if it's a total deal breaker.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats not a joke, its the truth!!!
> 
> Looks like we both have too much awesomeness for some guys to handle cuz I have the same problem of being spectacularly awesome :smthumbup:


You two and Unsure...awesome overload!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

And you, too, Madam. Let's not forget Ms. Angel. 

Nsweet--I wasn't saying the "awesome" comment to be meant more for what it is. It's just something I say in my head as a joke if I have been rejected. 

People are either into you or they are not. It's that simple. Not everyone is going to click. Hence, the entire point of dating. Some, you hit if off with; others not so much. That's just the way it is. If someone isn't into me, oh well, onto the next one and vice versa. Life goes on.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So I am super nervous about my date with hard hat tonight! Why is this HOT man interested in me?? :scratchhead: I know thats the wrong attitude to take into a date, but SHEESH! LOL! I havent been nervous before!


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> You've gotta learn that little dance between trying to reel him in and letting some line out. Because men will keep coming back to you if you don't try to trap them, *and if you don't give them sex from the start and make it seem like something they talked you into after a bunch of dates they'll want you even more because you're the challenge*. I guess we're kinda like male cats in that sense.


Expand, please. 

No sex from the start? Ok, I got that (and am pretty good about that). But then when do you think is appropriate to DO IT? Fifth date? Sixth date? 10th date? 

Say you are meeting up and going out to dinner and then have some light play afterwards...no sex yet though. So when do you bang? When is it seen that you are still a challenge? And I realize every man will answer this differently but I am curious.

As far as "clinging" and wanting to commit too soon/pressuring... I can say that I am very good about that. I am the anti-cling woman. In fact, it takes a little convincing me to be in a relationship. I don't need to be around someone 24/7 and honestly would probably make a very good lover because I can vanish and disappear like a magician.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> So I am super nervous about my date with hard hat tonight! Why is this HOT man interested in me??


Why do you call him "hard" hat? And don't do the bolded part, 3x. He's interested because you are a hot mama and he liked something about you enough to ask you out.

Remember: have zero expectations. That's the only way to go into this dating business.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> As far as "clinging" and wanting to commit too soon/pressuring... I can say that I am very good about that.* I am the anti-cling woman. I*n fact, it takes a little convincing me to be in a relationship. I don't need to be around someone 24/7 and honestly would probably make a very good lover because I can vanish and disappear like a magician.


:iagree:

I am a box of dryer sheets I am so anti-cling...lmao


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Say you are meeting up and going out to dinner and then have some light play afterwards...no sex yet though. So when do you bang? When is it seen that you are still a challenge? And I realize every man will answer this differently but I am curious.


Excellent question


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Wh do you call him "hard" hat? And don't do the bolded part, 3x. He's interested because you are a hot mama and he liked something about you enough to ask you out.
> 
> Remember: have zero expectations. That's the only way to go into this dating business.


Unsure named him, lol!  He does construction.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Expand, please.
> 
> No sex from the start? Ok, I got that (and am pretty good about that),. But then when do ou think is appropriate to DO IT? 4th date? Fifth date? Sixth date? 10th date?
> 
> Say you are meeting up and going out to dinner and then have some light play afterwards...no sex yet though. So when do you bang? When is it seen that you are still a challenge? And I realize every man will answer this differently but I am curious.
> 
> As far as "clinging" and wanting to commit too soon/pressuring... I can say that I am very good about that. I am the anti-cling woman. In fact, it takes a little convincing me to be in a relationship. I don't need to be around someone 24/7 and honestly would probably make a very good lover because I can vanish and disappear like a magician.


You wait as long as you can to have sex and then go for it, which with a lot of women is something like the 3rd to 8th date. It's going to seem like torture but it's really necessary to get to know them first so you're just jumping into bed. 

I might also add that you want to see different parts of their character because whoever gets to have sex with you is who they are going to be with you from now on. And I hope that guy is the nice one and not the jerk who tears you down just so you'll want to please him. And hopefully not the guy who squeezes the hell out of your breasts while pumping away either. 

As far as what you do. I'm a firm believer in the oral sex only date where you give each other, or just her, oral sex and save the PIV for the final act on another date. That way you've got at least 3 dates he's really looking forwards too and you don't look like a sl*t. There's the hand job date, the cunnilingus and blow job date, and finally the sex date.... Where you have sex, but nothing too freaky or too many positions. 

As a matter of fact I think it would work better if on the oral sex date you gave him a little something and let him start on you, only to stop him and tell him to finish you later. Because nothing makes people want something more than not being able to get it from you. And giving them everything else just makes them want that last voyage from you.


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am a box of dryer sheets I am so anti-cling...lmao


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am a box of dryer sheets I am so anti-cling...lmao


I wish I was like this, could have saved myself a lot of heartache!


----------



## Jellybeans

::Sprays some static guard on 3xcharm::


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am a box of dryer sheets I am so anti-cling...lmao


I find that we are a rare breed.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> ::Sprays some static guard on 3xcharm::


Yea i could use some too...lol not too bad until "i fall in love" then its baaaaaaad....


3X you are HOTTTTT!!!!!!... do not question why hard hat would like you... have fun and observe...confidence woman 


SA second date tomorrow... looking forward too it.. he taking me to dinner then and hes bringing a movie he knows i like (nothing will happen, i actually like this one so im making him work for it  )... i will give him some points he was listening very well on our first date, i tend to like to quiz them ( i know im so mean!) to see if they were listening, hes done very well... but we will see actions not words, trust but verify and all that jazz.....

he has my attention though (once i have slowed him down a little..lol) I haven't had a connection with anyone this much since the engy, i usually walk away from first dates saying umm no or meh at best... but im cautious


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Yea i could use some too...lol not too bad until "i fall in love" then its baaaaaaad....
> 
> 
> 3X you are HOTTTTT!!!!!!... do not question why hard hat would like you... have fun and observe...confidence woman
> 
> 
> SA second date tomorrow... looking forward too it.. he taking me to dinner then and hes bringing a movie he knows i like (nothing will happen, i actually like this one so im making him work for it  )... i will give him some points he was listening very well on our first date, i tend to like to quiz them ( i know im so mean!) to see if they were listening, hes done very well... but we will see actions not words, trust but verify and all that jazz.....
> 
> he has my attention though (once i have slowed him down a little..lol) I haven't had a connection with anyone this much since the engy, i usually walk away from first dates saying umm no or meh at best... but im cautious


Thanks Unsure! And I am excited for you about your date! :smthumbup: That's awesome about the movie, point goes to SA!


----------



## unsure78

edit... i also have a great connection with slow but since he doesn't seem to really want to sleep with me or date me other than "hangout" every month or so, it no longer counts...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> edit... i also have a great connection with slow* but since he doesn't seem to really want to sleep with me *or date me other than "hangout" every month or so, it no longer counts...


Stupid man.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Expand, please.
> 
> No sex from the start? Ok, I got that (and am pretty good about that). But then when do you think is appropriate to DO IT? Fifth date? Sixth date? 10th date?
> 
> Say you are meeting up and going out to dinner and then have some light play afterwards...no sex yet though. So when do you bang? When is it seen that you are still a challenge? And I realize every man will answer this differently but I am curious.
> 
> As far as "clinging" and wanting to commit too soon/pressuring... I can say that I am very good about that. I am the anti-cling woman. In fact, it takes a little convincing me to be in a relationship. I don't need to be around someone 24/7 and honestly would probably make a very good lover because I can vanish and disappear like a magician.


I have made women really question whether I like them or not because I don't do any touching until 3rd or 4th date. AND, then it was only a hug or a peck. I've been in this thing from the beginning to have a mature, balanced adult relationship. Whether that leads to something more, who knows. I do know the vast majority of guys are drastically one way or the other. Either they are looking to lock down someone for marriage or they are scared of any type of commitment. The pendulum swings big time.......finding someone who is in the middle is a tough task.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Stupid man.


Or one who already has someone for that........or has other issues that he is scared to open up with.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Or one who already has someone for that........or has other issues that he is scared to open up with.


i think its other issues... but the new one has my attention right now so its inconsequential


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> i think its other issues... but the new one has my attention right now so its inconsequential


Correct, and it is good for you to move on. Any person who operates out of fear is going to also do that in other parts of their life. Lot's of heartache down that path.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Correct, and it is good for you to move on. Any person who operates out of fear is going to also do that in other parts of their life. Lot's of heartache down that path.


yesssss! i experienced that with the engy, in the end his life was ruled by his fears... and it caused me and ( and even more so him) a lot of heartache and unhappiness....


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I have made women really question whether I like them or not because I don't do any touching until 3rd or 4th date. AND, then it was only a hug or a peck. I've been in this thing from the beginning to have a mature, balanced adult relationship. Whether that leads to something more, who knows.


Ok, so how long? For sexy time?



Dedicated2Her said:


> I do know the vast majority of guys are drastically one way or the other. *Either they are looking to lock down someone for marriage or they are scared of any type of commitment. *The pendulum swings big time.......finding someone who is in the middle is a tough task.


Well, I agree with that.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Ok, so how long? For sexy time?


For me it was about 2-3 months. But, once any type of making out began, you might as well get naked. Because, if I'm in, I'm in.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> For me it was about 2-3 months. But, once any type of making out began, you might as well get naked. *Because, if I'm in, I'm in*.


:rofl: 

How many dates is that in 2-3 months?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> How many dates is that in 2-3 months?


The first month with the current gf was about once a week in the first month, and the 2nd month turned into 2-3 times per week. We had only kissed once and made out once (in the car which is hilarious) when one night about 10 weeks into dating we had a "tequila" night at my apt because the weather was wretched. Well, apparently, that is all we needed......lol. I would say it was around date 12-14. 

I did the same thing with the rebound. Seems to work well as the sex has been earth shaking in both relationships. In fact, I can't recall having "meh" sex since being married. There is something to be said when there is an emotionally connecting build up plus a man/woman who are confident in themselves and feeling good about their bodies. I mean, I can plank for 5 minutes and do crazy things with heavy weight.......it translates surprisingly well! It has become a very "messy" experience, and I [email protected] LOVE IT! :smthumbup:


----------



## doureallycare2

Jellybeans said:


> Stupid man.


Is he at least telling you he wants more eventually? Is he sharing why? I would want to know what was going on!

I think this should be an open topic of communication. 

I don’t say anything on the first date but if we agree to see each other again and the 2nd date is going good I tell them where I stand on the sex issue. I’m a slow player.. I’m extremely passionate so it’s hard but I want to make sure I’m going to have a deeper connection than passion. It takes me at least 7-8 dates before any kind of satisfaction to either of us.. but oh the anticipation is so awesome...I have never had a guy say I’m not willing to wait, but no matter how nice the guy has been they would try and do everything in their power to break my time-line.

I have found that it saves me a lot of frustration because you know how into you they are by the amount of contact your receiving from them while you’re not giving them any....

As far as the clingy go's.. I have found the guys to be to clingy. They have been the first to say I’m falling in love with you or I love you. The very first guy I dated wanted me to move in-with him after just two and a half weeks. And yes he got 8 dates in during that time period because of how pushy he was. Really nice looking younger guy, very muscular but too needy.
After him I had a 8 date 4 week rule. no more than 8 dates in the first month.. The guy I’m seeing now is willing to go slow but has already told me he’s in love with me also. Let me say, I’m not the most beautiful woman or smartest, but I think it’s because they know I don’t want to “fall in love” right now and do want to go slow that has them interested. I’ve only been divorced since June and I was married at 18. This is my first taste of freedom and I’m not ready to give that up.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I mean, I can plank for 5 minutes and do crazy things with heavy weight.......it translates surprisingly well! It has become a very "messy" experience, and I [email protected] LOVE IT! :smthumbup:


See there is a reason I keep picking the very fit guys now... i have found that it also translates well... my exh was a small guy ( im a smaller girl- so it wasn't a big deal) and he couldn't do anything fun and stamina what is that??? I believe i used to have one of our wedding pics up where he was holding me up and the look on his face was like he was in pain...lol.... ( ha! i will see if i can find it and post it again in my album)

post divorce has been significantly more adventurousness, sweaty, and fun.... yea kinda like the fit guys 

(edit posted it... geeze im in a pic mood today)


----------



## unsure78

doureallycare2 said:


> Is he at least telling you he wants more eventually? Is he sharing why? I would want to know what was going on!.


its been 6 months... four "dates", first date met me for a drink for one hour... the other 3 consist of hanging out at one or another house watching a movie and maybe cuddling... 

umm 6 months.....he can be my friend and cuddle buddy if im in between


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> post divorce has been significantly more adventurousness, sweaty, and fun.... yea kinda like the fit guys


LOL. It works both ways, too. Even last night there was a moment where I was like, "[email protected], did we just perform that?" And, most of all, you can be 45 minutes in and be stronger than you were when you started.......YAY!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> LOL. It works both ways, too. Even last night there was a moment where I was like, "[email protected], did we just perform that?" And, most of all, you can be 45 minutes in and be stronger than you were when you started.......YAY!


I REALLY need to work out....


----------



## Dollystanford

oh yeah, the fit ones are the absolute best :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> oh yeah, the fit ones are the absolute best :smthumbup:


YEP!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Here is a funny one for you......

Last night near the end of our "fun", my gf starts giggling.......seriously like I have never heard anyone laugh. It was like an ecstasy type laugh. Afterwards, I asked her what was so funny. She said, "I just thought how funny it is that I'm in my low 40's and feeling sensations that I've never felt before........"

That, ladies, will pump up a dude's ego like CRAZY.  Back to crossfit!!!!!


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> oh yeah, the fit ones are the absolute best :smthumbup:



Mentally as well as physically


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> It has become a very "messy" experience, and I [email protected] LOVE IT! :smthumbup:


:smthumbup:



doureallycare2 said:


> Is he at least telling you he wants more eventually? Is he sharing why? I would want to know what was going on!


Nope. That's why she calls him Slow Hat. LOL




doureallycare2 said:


> The very first guy I dated* wanted me to move in-with him after just two and a half weeks*


Psycho!



doureallycare2 said:


> I think it’s because they know I don’t want to “fall in love” right now and do want to go slow that has them interested. I’ve only been divorced since June and I was married at 18. This is my first taste of freedom and I’m not ready to give that up.


Oh that definitely sparks their interest, I am sure. A lot of guys think women all want to ride off into the sunset w/ them today and forever. 



unsure78 said:


> post divorce has been significantly more adventurousness, sweaty, and fun.... yea kinda like the fit guys


Man. You guys are making me so damn jealous.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Man. You guys are making me so damn jealous.


Go out and get yours Jelly


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## Another Planet

lol I had to share this real quick, got this in my email today from Match.com 

You were recently invited to the Stir event, Telluride Gay Ski Week. However, due to an unfortunate "send snafu", we inadvertently sent this to all men. We apologize for the confusion this may have caused. 

Rest assured, we know that you're a man seeking women and will continue working hard to make sure you only get invited to the events you're interested in attending. 

Sincerely, 

The Match.com Team


----------



## Another Planet

I'm going to friend all you TAM singles ok 
Send me a request if I miss you.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> lol I had to share this real quick, got this in my email today from Match.com
> 
> You were recently invited to the Stir event, Telluride Gay Ski Week. However, due to an unfortunate "send snafu", we inadvertently sent this to all men. We apologize for the confusion this may have caused.
> 
> Rest assured, we know that you're a man seeking women and will continue working hard to make sure you only get invited to the events you're interested in attending.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> The Match.com Team



bwaahahahahhahahahahah.... oh thats so good... thanks for making me laugh Another
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> lol I had to share this real quick, got this in my email today from Match.com
> 
> You were recently invited to the Stir event, Telluride Gay Ski Week. However, due to an unfortunate "send snafu", we inadvertently sent this to all men. We apologize for the confusion this may have caused.
> 
> Rest assured, we know that you're a man seeking women and will continue working hard to make sure you only get invited to the events you're interested in attending.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> The Match.com Team


Oh God! At least you opened this email and didn't just go. 

Can you imagine the SNAFU you would have been in if you went and didn't realize it was a gay singles event? You would have been hit on by like 30 guys holding brightly colored mixed drinks. They all would have laughed at you when you asked "where's the women?".

Sorta reminds me of that time I went to the wrong hotel that just so happened to be hosting the biker bear convention. I was never so scared, and yet kinda flattered, in all my life. Not that there's anything wrong with that.:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Haha , nother 10pages l have to spend an hr looking over :smthumbup:

Gays , well being new to date websites l had a lot of guys asking me out for a few wks. l couldn't work it out.
l'm thinking wtf is this [email protected] about what do they just ask anyone just encase. My page was all about females , how weird !

Turned out there was a little man box too and if that was ticked it meant you swung both ways :rofl: , oops .

l find this out 3wks later , lots of requests.
Hope no one l knew saw it l can just hear it now.
Hey did you know Hawk goes both ways , nahh-no way-yep no sh!t check this out.
hu , luckily l come with a back up plan, no friends :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Had another first date. Went good, definitely some chemistry. Will be looking forward to seeing this hat again


----------



## whitehawk

Hmm, you sorta make me a wittle jealous Vi . Really though , l still just do not need the head fk of it all !


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Oh God! At least you opened this email and didn't just go.
> 
> Can you imagine the SNAFU you would have been in if you went and didn't realize it was a gay singles event? You would have been hit on by like 30 guys holding brightly colored mixed drinks. They all would have laughed at you when you asked "where's the women?".
> 
> Sorta reminds me of that time I went to the wrong hotel that just so happened to be hosting the biker bear convention. I was never so scared, and yet kinda flattered, in all my life. Not that there's anything wrong with that.:rofl:



Yeah we use to go to this really cool gay club. Full of chicks to but heaps of tranny's . Some of them were better looking than the real chicks too.
One of the best places for girls-the real ones and straight l mean, we use to go too strangely enough, joint was full of them.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah I'm just still coming out of the holidays honestly, and a **** ton of work. Way to much to do to date ATM. Last Match girl I haven't heard back from...durn she was pretty, local, and looked/seemed normal. Back to hitting on single mom's in the produce aisle....:/


----------



## vi_bride04

This is the third hat I've been chatting up on POF. Still have hat #2 to meet. He's the one that really interests me. 

Anyways, there is karaoke hat, lake hat (tonight's date) and shrink4men hat. Hasn't been a bad experience so far with online dating but I'm really trying to filter them out before meeting them.


----------



## whitehawk

Ha ha that's funny , so produce and super markets are cool then hey.
Dunno if it was this thread but my new super market gets some honey's . NS reckons l'm not honed enough yet for those though :lol: . 
Me gonna have to get some practice in l think !
Stick a sign across my head - in training, givem some warning !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah we use to go to this really cool gay club. Full of chicks to but heaps of tranny's . Some of them were better looking than the real chicks too.
> One of the best places for girls-the real ones and straight l mean, we use to go too strangely enough, joint was full of them.


Hey, don't knock t-girls until you get to know them. All I'll say here is once you get to know one you're going to be surprised it's like she thinks and acts like a woman, she knows what pleases a man, she can kick a field goal and likes ANAL SEX, she'll never ever go through PMS, and at the end of the date there's a fun little surprise waiting for you.:rofl:

No, but seriously I'm known a few trannies both MTF and FTM and after like 5 or 10 minutes of you just talking to them, and not being a d!ck about their life choices, you're going to find yourself thinking of them like women. And the coolest thing about these men and women is that they seem to bring the coolest people into their worlds. I'm talking gay, straight, bi, trans,... All sorts of people that have accepted them and like them for them.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> This is the third hat I've been chatting up on POF. Still have hat #2 to meet. He's the one that really interests me.
> 
> Anyways, there is karaoke hat, lake hat (tonight's date) and shrink4men hat. Hasn't been a bad experience so far with online dating but I'm really trying to filter them out before meeting them.


Shrink4men hat?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Shrink4men hat?


He referenced a shrink4men article in his profile...I thought about calling him underwear hat since one of his profile pics was him being silly with a pair of underwear on his head but opted for the other, lol

Would have called him shrink hat but unsure already claimed that.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> He referenced a shrink4men article in his profile...I thought about calling him underwear hat since one of his profile pics was him being silly with a pair of underwear on his head but opted for the other, lol


Have you actually been to shrink4men.com? Because I've been pasting links to articles from there ALL THE TIME. 

In case you haven't read about Dr. T. (the lady with red hair on S4M), she's an ex feminist who turned around and started working with men going through abusive relationships after she dated a bunch of narcissistic men. I just love her and all the work she does there.


----------



## vi_bride04

Yes, I have read a few articles from that site. I really enjoy it. The article he posted was why men should avoid princesses. And I am the furthest thing from a princess lol. 

The rest of his profile seemed pretty self aware and we talked on the phone for over two hours...anxious to meet. Hopefully tomorrow if things work out.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes, I have read a few articles from that site. I really enjoy it. The article he posted was why men should avoid princesses. And I am the furthest thing from a princess lol.
> 
> The rest of his profile seemed pretty self aware and we talked on the phone for over two hours...anxious to meet. Hopefully tomorrow if things work out.


LOL, I actually have that article saved to my computer as one of the very first downloads when I bought my laptop. I loved it. I also loved the one on the downgrade boyfriends/OM and the one on how abusive women work with the little mousetrap game pic. 

He sounds like he's probably been through it already with an abusive woman. Don't be too surprised if he's wary of you at first, or if you get into a relationship with him and it seems like he's never quite sure of you. Speaking as someone who's been through that kind of stuff, it takes a while to trust again. And it takes even longer to let your guard down around the good women.


----------



## vi_bride04

Being wary is just fine with me as I am wary right now as well. I'm not looking to jump into any type of relationship, even exclusive dating unless there is some crazy mind blowing connection. 

No expectations and just having fun hanging out is my motto right now.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Hey, don't knock t-girls until you get to know them. All I'll say here is once you get to know one you're going to be surprised it's like she thinks and acts like a woman, she knows what pleases a man, she can kick a field goal and likes ANAL SEX, she'll never ever go through PMS, and at the end of the date there's a fun little surprise waiting for you.:rofl:
> 
> No, but seriously I'm known a few trannies both MTF and FTM and after like 5 or 10 minutes of you just talking to them, and not being a d!ck about their life choices, you're going to find yourself thinking of them like women. And the coolest thing about these men and women is that they seem to bring the coolest people into their worlds. I'm talking gay, straight, bi, trans,... All sorts of people that have accepted them and like them for them.



Yeah right . l wouldn't doubt it either actually , l've got no qualms at all with them. We use to talk to a lot of them at that place but never really got to know any though .
Funniest thing , l'm about as straight as they get but even still , one night there was this nice little Asian t and l can tell you, even l seriously thought about taking her home , really cute - never did though !


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I'm just still coming out of the holidays honestly, and a **** ton of work. Way to much to do to date ATM. Last Match girl I haven't heard back from...durn she was pretty, local, and looked/seemed normal. Back to hitting on single mom's in the produce aisle....:/


Funny I said that cause she emailed me overnight...



whitehawk said:


> Ha ha that's funny , so produce and super markets are cool then hey.
> Dunno if it was this thread but my new super market gets some honey's . NS reckons l'm not honed enough yet for those though :lol: .
> Me gonna have to get some practice in l think !
> Stick a sign across my head - in training, givem some warning !


Hell yeah man! I love to cook so I am always at the grocery store. It's a great ego boost some times the way women act in public towards me...sometimes scary when they get together and tag team on me.

Yesterday this tiny girl probably all of 4'10" 100lbs saw me coming from a mile away gave me those eyes and made her presence known lol, pretends to look at some things on the shelf and proceeds to take up the ENTIRE aisle as I walked past. She was cute and smelled good maybe next time I will have to initiate something.
Earlier in the week I turned down an aisle and here's a very attractive woman dressed in business garb, heels, power suit, etc sees me gives me those eyes kneels down to get something on the bottom shelve and when I get closer she stands up looks me right in the eyes starts coming at me full force ferocious supermodel strut lol... I couldn't help but watch her and give her a big smile as she passed ... maybe cause I was on the verge of laughing cause I couldn't believe that just happened 

I like going to the store, it happens in pretty much any of them to me. The older women with no shame anymore are great to chat with, tons of fun.


----------



## RandomDude

Somethings just aren't meant to be, oh well... looks like my little threesome romance is over.


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Somethings just aren't meant to be, oh well... looks like my little threesome romance is over.


are you really surprised?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Somethings just aren't meant to be, oh well... looks like my little threesome romance is over.


What happened? They both want you all to themselves? I thought the new girl understood your situation


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So, awesome second date with hard hat last night, and seeing him again today! :woohoo:


----------



## doureallycare2

Another Planet said:


> lol I had to share this real quick, got this in my email today from Match.com
> 
> You were recently invited to the Stir event, Telluride Gay Ski Week. However, due to an unfortunate "send snafu", we inadvertently sent this to all men. We apologize for the confusion this may have caused.
> 
> Rest assured, we know that you're a man seeking women and will continue working hard to make sure you only get invited to the events you're interested in attending.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> The Match.com Team


Im on Match and I didnt get one.. oh yeh Im a woman seeking man... to funny....


----------



## doureallycare2

whitehawk said:


> Ha ha that's funny , so produce and super markets are cool then hey.
> Dunno if it was this thread but my new super market gets some honey's . NS reckons l'm not honed enough yet for those though :lol: .
> Me gonna have to get some practice in l think !
> Stick a sign across my head - in training, givem some warning !


oh nooooo you guys are one of them..... the first time it happened to me I thought I was being staulked for my discount bacon I picked up. then he complamented my smile. every isle I went down he ended up being in... I was scared to go out to my car.. lol sence then I understand but still give them a wide birth just in case their loonies


----------



## Another Planet

doureallycare2 said:


> oh nooooo you guys are one of them..... the first time it happened to me I thought I was being staulked for my discount bacon I picked up. then he complamented my smile. every isle I went down he ended up being in... I was scared to go out to my car.. lol sence then I understand but still give them a wide birth just in case their loonies


Nope opposite here. They find me, I could care less about picking up women ATM.


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> are you really surprised?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope, just more motivation to get my divorce and done with and myself back up to speed and everything else. Just hurts I guess, it was really an interesting xmas and new years.



vi_bride04 said:


> What happened? They both want you all to themselves? I thought the new girl understood your situation


They have both backed away for obvious reasons


----------



## whitehawk

doureallycare2 said:


> oh nooooo you guys are one of them..... the first time it happened to me I thought I was being staulked for my discount bacon I picked up. then he complamented my smile. every isle I went down he ended up being in... I was scared to go out to my car.. lol sence then I understand but still give them a wide birth just in case their loonies



Ahh right, see this is why l asked about it here, didn't want anything like that coming across.
l was asking though because like AP l've had a few that seemed interested in me, or so l think. Didn't wanna jump the gun though or do anything like you described :scratchhead:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think it will be time to renew a membership with match soon and since I learned here that it is a bit of a red flag to have been a member since 2007 I will make a new profile.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Funny I said that cause she emailed me overnight...
> 
> 
> 
> Hell yeah man! I love to cook so I am always at the grocery store. It's a great ego boost some times the way women act in public towards me...sometimes scary when they get together and tag team on me.
> 
> Yesterday this tiny girl probably all of 4'10" 100lbs saw me coming from a mile away gave me those eyes and made her presence known lol, pretends to look at some things on the shelf and proceeds to take up the ENTIRE aisle as I walked past. She was cute and smelled good maybe next time I will have to initiate something.
> Earlier in the week I turned down an aisle and here's a very attractive woman dressed in business garb, heels, power suit, etc sees me gives me those eyes kneels down to get something on the bottom shelve and when I get closer she stands up looks me right in the eyes starts coming at me full force ferocious supermodel strut lol... I couldn't help but watch her and give her a big smile as she passed ... maybe cause I was on the verge of laughing cause I couldn't believe that just happened
> 
> I like going to the store, it happens in pretty much any of them to me. The older women with no shame anymore are great to chat with, tons of fun.




4'10 , oh the pain , the pain . l'll meet you there tomorrow :smthumbup:

Yeah see l've had some of that too but one the other wk , oh man it was hard not to go chasing her :rofl: even though l'm not chasing right now either anyway .
But then l'm thinking , in a super market , nah, but hey - apparently yep, why not.
That one was so cute , l haven;t forgotten her , hoping to see her again.

l've use 3 or 4 supes but my new one holy moly , somem goin on over there . Every time l go in l have someone really special happen a long. Needless to say l don't mind my shopping these days. Might take up cooking myself at this rate :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> So, awesome second date with hard hat last night, and seeing him again today! :woohoo:


nice! i want details!!

SA second date was very good but kinda a sloppy kisser... need to fix that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> nice! i want details!!
> 
> SA second date was very good but kinda a sloppy kisser... need to fix that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you teach a bad kisser to kiss better? 

Not hassling you, just curious. 

As far as I can figure out it would be something like a stop and start technique. And then you do it until they get it that when they kiss better you'll kiss them for longer.


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> nice! i want details!!
> 
> SA second date was very good but kinda a sloppy kisser... need to fix that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, you are very forgiving, most women won't forgive a sloppy first kiss lol


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Wow, you are very forgiving, most women won't forgive a sloppy first kiss lol


wasnt the first kiss... it was after he really started going for it that it got sloppy... i actually stopped everytime he was overdoing it..

anything can be improved... it just a matter of how you coach it... like im not going to say that was sloppy... instead i will say, i really enjoyed the time someone did "xyz"" to me, thats how I like it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> wasnt the first kiss... it was after he really started going for it that it got sloppy... i actually stopped everytime he was overdoing it..
> 
> anything can be improved... it just a matter of how you coach it... like im not going to say that was sloppy... instead i will say, i really enjoyed the time someone did "xyz"" to me, thats how I like it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sloppy when he gets going on the kiss = sloppy when he gets going on other things....Jusy saying. You heard it here first.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Sloppy when he gets going on the kiss = sloppy when he gets going on other things....Jusy saying. You heard it here first.


lol... hmm sloppy other things can be ok 

I do kinda like him... we will see though, next date has already been scheduled
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well, I just had my first official date since separation and it went great.


----------



## Morgiana

I must admit I am cautious about trying to date, d has only been final since early December. I still feel like I am waiting for something to happen, it reminds me of being 18 and looking forward to what is in store for the rest of my life. It's like just a general buzz of electricity running through my body pushing me to exceed, like to find the next cancer cure or something big like that. But it's also just like my nerves are on edge. I cant wait for my body and mind to settle down .


----------



## unsure78

Morgiana said:


> I must admit I am cautious about trying to date, d has only been final since early December. I still feel like I am waiting for something to happen, it reminds me of being 18 and looking forward to what is in store for the rest of my life. It's like just a general buzz of electricity running through my body pushing me to exceed, like to find the next cancer cure or something big like that. But it's also just like my nerves are on edge. I cant wait for my body and mind to settle down .


no rush take your time... dating can be fun but you also open yourself up for hurt
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l've had the tingles for a mth or 2 now myself. That means something good is in the works. While feeling flat and depressed for mths on end earlier going through my sep , there was nothing, no tingles, zilch, nada. l was pretty damn cert l must be in for a miserably nothing life from here on. 
But they've finally came on about just before Christmas , then they dropped away for a few wks but now have just come back this last wk or so even stronger.

lt might be the house selling but l don't think that's it although house may sell.
My tingles are usually female or money and l'll happily take either right now but l think it's female although , could be anything big so.

The last time l had it this strong was 7mths before l met my wife so it can take awhile to show up but that time it got stronger and stronger as the mths rolled on and things got closer. The day l met her l knew that was it.

This time they're much stronger already , only a few mths or so after they've started, that's extra weird. 
So whatever it's about at least it's picked up my spirits at last and seems to be moving faster already.
Time will reveal l guess but at least l finally have a smile on my dial again if nothing else .


----------



## whitehawk

l thought it might've been about my beach house chick as l've been pretty sure we would start fresh at some stage. But l actually accidentally saw her yesterday and l'm now cert that ones completely off the cards now.
Bit of a relief really , l've been way too worried about a few big things with her anyway , never a good sign 

So if it's female , l doubt it's R and it's not gonna be beach house. Someone completely new l don't even know yet, goodie ! l know, sounds crazy but , the tingle radar has never let me down.
Mind you , it may not be female at all but oh well , l'll take anything good that comes my way right now so whatever


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Well, I just had my first official date since separation and it went great.


YEA!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

ok so question, so is this a common line (and I dont know it) or just happens to be said to me a lot... the engy, then killer, now SA have all commented on how relaxed i make them when we are hanging out or cuddling.... When engy used to say it i belived it, then heard it again and now again... so i guess just curious
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Maybe a line Unsure, but it also might be just you. Maybe you can tame the beast ya know? You might just pick the same type of guy from different categories who fit with your personality.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> ok so question, so is this a common line (and I dont know it) or just happens to be said to me a lot... the engy, then killer, now SA have all commented on how relaxed i make them when we are hanging out or cuddling.... When engy used to say it i belived it, then heard it again and now again... so i guess just curious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey, I've used that myself.:rofl: So yeah, it's a line.

It is a line, but it not a anything near as evil as say... "I won't do anything we're both not completely comfortable with" (said as you're about to have sex). 

The trick is to pay attention to what he's doing around the time he uses a line like this. If he's just nervous around you and touches you very little then it's nothing. It you feel pressured to do anything that you should be sounding the alarm.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> YEA!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> ok so question, so is this a common line (and I dont know it) or just happens to be said to me a lot... the engy, then killer, now SA have all commented on how relaxed i make them when we are hanging out or cuddling.... When engy used to say it i belived it, then heard it again and now again... so i guess just curious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What I get told a lot is that they are very comfortable around me! I have heard that from every man I have gotten involved with.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> nice! i want details!!
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We went to listen to a band, decided it was too loud after a bit, and went someplace quieter so we could hear each other talk. Night ended with a sweet kiss that HE initiated! (I was being a very good girl, and not mauling him like I wanted to!) So then he asked me over to his house on Saturday to watch a movie. Between the conversation, wine, going through music and slow dancing, we never even turned on the tv! I ended up having too much wine to drive home, so I stayed over, and broke my own sex rules again! LOL!


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> We went to listen to a band, decided it was too loud after a bit, and went someplace quieter so we could hear each other talk. Night ended with a sweet kiss that HE initiated! (I was being a very good girl, and not mauling him like I wanted to!) So then he asked me over to his house on Saturday to watch a movie. Between the conversation, wine, going through music and slow dancing, we never even turned on the tv! I ended up having too much wine to drive home, so I stayed over, and broke my own sex rules again! LOL!


Damn! That makes me smile


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> ok so question, so is this a common line (and I dont know it) or just happens to be said to me a lot... the engy, then killer, now SA have all commented on how relaxed i make them when we are hanging out or cuddling.... When engy used to say it i belived it, then heard it again and now again... so i guess just curious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it is a line. A lot of men like to use this, I don't know why, but I remember hearing something very similar 16-17 years ago....


----------



## Another Planet

I think I might have an unhealthy infatuation with Alicia Keys. Damn she makes my eyes googly 
Alicia Keys - No One - YouTube


----------



## ne9907

Talk about unhealthy infactuations...
I have been at drill for the past four days, there is a very good looking soldier (first man I actually find attractive in ages) but he is married, so totally off limits! 
He is hot!!! But very married haha


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Talk about unhealthy infactuations...
> I have been at drill for the past four days, there is a very good looking soldier (first man I actually find attractive in ages) but he is married, so totally off limits!
> He is hot!!! But very married haha


Is it the uniform?


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Is it the uniform?


no, it is him. We were at the M16 range for two days, he looked different with all his gear on, then I saw him again yesterday without any gear (just uniform) and he is very hot.

But he is married, so totally off limits.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> no, it is him. We were at the M16 range for two days, he looked different with all his gear on, then I saw him again yesterday without any gear (just uniform) and he is very hot.
> 
> But he is married, so totally off limits.


Don't tell me, is he a MP or trainer? Those guys and girls are always hot because all they do is workout in their off time. They workout, and the cooks... It seemed like all the cooks did was have sex and talk about having sex.:rofl: 

You know you might be able to take your attraction to him and transfer it to something else, something more productive. It's the technique you use for getting over a crush before you get crushed.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Don't tell me, is he a MP or trainer? Those guys and girls are always hot because all they do is workout in their off time. They workout, and the cooks... It seemed like all the cooks did was have sex and talk about having sex.:rofl:
> 
> You know you might be able to take your attraction to him and transfer it to something else, something more productive. It's the technique you use for getting over a crush before you get crushed.


I don't even know what his MOS is, he was doing range safety duty. 
You are right, I could use some of this brand new infatuation towards something positive.
I also had the moves put on me by a polyamorous person. First time I have met someone like that. But just not interested in that lifestyle.
This guy has like 4 main "girlfriends" (yes, they all know about each other) and continues dating!
He is actually a very nice person, and his lifestyle does not bother me, surprisingly, because he is honest with all his girlfriends. I am too jealous to even think about doing that!!

Well, I am off to dreamland. I am tired. Sharing a bay with a bunch of noisy, loud, stupid women makes me very very tired.
Good night all~


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I don't even know what his MOS is, he was doing range safety duty.
> You are right, I could use some of this brand new infatuation towards something positive.
> I also had the moves put on me by a polyamorous person. First time I have met someone like that. But just not interested in that lifestyle.
> This guy has like 4 main "girlfriends" (yes, they all know about each other) and continues dating!
> He is actually a very nice person, and his lifestyle does not bother me, surprisingly, because he is honest with all his girlfriends. I am too jealous to even think about doing that!!
> 
> Well, I am off to dreamland. I am tired. Sharing a bay with a bunch of noisy, loud, stupid women makes me very very tired.
> Good night all~


Polyamory? Yeah, that will work out.... NOT! In polyamorous relationships there's always favoritism with one person, even though an unwritten set of boundaries goes against it. It's also kinda of a way a couple can permit cheating, but it never works out as jealousy and boredom are constants. 

If you're wondering, I was just about to say you should find a guy that sorta looks like him and make out with him until you've gotten that sexual tension out of your system. Or just find porno clip on nudevista. Anyway you can get that need out of your system without throwing your career out the window is a good thing. 

But also, try to get out of your head and talk to other people. These little fantasies can develop into some serious work related problems if you don't get out of your head and meet other people you're attracted to. Even something as simple as working out and playing video games, great distractors can help you forget about him for long enough that you don't desire him anymore. 

The reason I'm telling you this is because I became infatuated with a military wife when I first joined the Navy. I swear to god I didn't even know she was married and she never told me. I had to stay away from her, by my own choosing, for over 30 days to get over her. And as it turned out she was sleeping with guys while her husband was out at sea and she ended up getting pregnant with another man's baby.


----------



## Morgiana

The only thing I have to say about polymory is that it requires even more communication between all the participants to work. And it would normally work better for couples who are already paired and looking for some spice on the side. It can be a quagmire, but to each their own.

-M


----------



## whitehawk

Well my friends all has been revealed - although l don't know if all is done yet , l still feel female, it doesn't make sense. 

House sold , yep. He sent me an offer , l counter offered and that's been excepted.

Now l'm tingly and [email protected] myself , oh no.!


ps , yep l think it's too quick. My ex's tingles took 7mths but this has only been about 2 1/2 mths.
Maybe the house has nothing to do with the tingles . l'm starting to think it's not about the house at all.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I think I might have an unhealthy infatuation with Alicia Keys. Damn she makes my eyes googly
> Alicia Keys - No One - YouTube



Well , l still want Lucy Lui , damn it.
Thought l forgot about her didn't ya's , no way Hosea . Me don't forget that easy :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

Julianne Moore ... I've always had a thing for Julianne Moore.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Maybe a line Unsure, but it also might be just you. Maybe you can tame the beast ya know? You might just pick the same type of guy from different categories who fit with your personality.


yea i pick a$$holes...hahahahah

not sure what SA is yet actually... in some way he comes off as a very sweet nice guy (beta put the woman on the pedestal), in some ways maybe player.... it is TBD... all i know is he not getting laid for a while from me since im having a hard time figuring out his intentions

not that he isnt stating his intentions... hes actually said he will wait as long as it takes me to get comfortable and he would like to see where this goes with me... now the question is, do i believe him? lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> We went to listen to a band, decided it was too loud after a bit, and went someplace quieter so we could hear each other talk. Night ended with a sweet kiss that HE initiated! (I was being a very good girl, and not mauling him like I wanted to!) So then he asked me over to his house on Saturday to watch a movie. Between the conversation, wine, going through music and slow dancing, we never even turned on the tv! I ended up having too much wine to drive home, so I stayed over, and broke my own sex rules again! LOL!


NICE! so are you done with mr nochem then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> ok so question, so is this a common line (and I dont know it) or just happens to be said to me a lot... the engy, then killer, now SA have all commented on how relaxed i make them when we are hanging out or cuddling.... When engy used to say it i belived it, then heard it again and now again... so i guess just curious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's common.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I ended up having too much wine to drive home, so I stayed over, and broke my own sex rules again! LOL!


Ok. I'm convinced everyone is having sex but me. Sounds like a perfect date, 3x  .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's common.


Thanks... I do appreciate being able to get the real answers from the guys here


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Ok. I'm convinced everyone is having sex but me. Sounds like a perfect date, 3x  .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im not Jelly.......yet...lol


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Polyamory? Yeah, that will work out.... NOT! In polyamorous relationships there's always favoritism with one person, even though an unwritten set of boundaries goes against it. It's also kinda of a way a couple can permit cheating, but it never works out as jealousy and boredom are constants.
> 
> If you're wondering, I was just about to say you should find a guy that sorta looks like him and make out with him until you've gotten that sexual tension out of your system. Or just find porno clip on nudevista. Anyway you can get that need out of your system without throwing your career out the window is a good thing.
> 
> But also, try to get out of your head and talk to other people. These little fantasies can develop into some serious work related problems if you don't get out of your head and meet other people you're attracted to. Even something as simple as working out and playing video games, great distractors can help you forget about him for long enough that you don't desire him anymore.
> 
> The reason I'm telling you this is because I became infatuated with a military wife when I first joined the Navy. I swear to god I didn't even know she was married and she never told me. I had to stay away from her, by my own choosing, for over 30 days to get over her. *And as it turned out she was sleeping with guys while her husband was out at sea and she ended up getting pregnant with another man's bab*y.


GROSSSS!!!! sick sick **** some people are. barf barf barf


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Thanks... I do appreciate being able to get the real answers from the guys here


While it's common, I wouldn't read too much into it. Some guys say things because they don't know what else to say in order to get their point across. Whether it is manipulative or not, probably can't be determined at this point.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Well my friends all has been revealed - although l don't know if all is done yet ,* l still feel female*, it doesn't make sense.
> 
> House sold , yep. He sent me an offer , l counter offered and that's been excepted.
> 
> Now l'm tingly and [email protected] myself , oh no.!
> 
> 
> ps , yep l think it's too quick. My ex's tingles took 7mths but this has only been about 2 1/2 mths.
> Maybe the house has nothing to do with the tingles . l'm starting to think it's not about the house at all.


What? You still feel female? Am I reading this wrong? 
And what has been revealed man?! lol



whitehawk said:


> Well , l still want Lucy Lui , damn it.
> Thought l forgot about her didn't ya's , no way Hosea . Me don't forget that easy :smthumbup:


 lol I think this is actually a good thing for me, keeps my mind busy on something that I can't have but keeps me from getting in to trouble with married women or **** like that!



06Daddio08 said:


> Julianne Moore ... I've always had a thing for Julianne Moore.


Yum I have always loved her too! I have a thing for redheads...and freckles...and brown hair tan skin...and black hair and pale skin...and asians...and mexicans...and native americans...I like some curves...and some sassy personality...but submissive too...and strange colored eyes...and tattoos...and no tattoos...and independent...and codependent...
:scratchhead: I need a girlfriend or something, I'm getting kind of weird


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Yum I have always loved her too! I have a thing for redheads...and freckles...and brown hair tan skin...and black hair and pale skin...and asians...and mexicans...and native americans...I like some curves...and some sassy personality...but submissive too...and strange colored eyes...and tattoos...and no tattoos...and independent...and codependent...
> :scratchhead: I need a girlfriend or something, I'm getting kind of weird


HAHAHAHAHA... so basically if its female you like it


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Yum I have always loved her too! I have a thing for redheads...and freckles...and brown hair tan skin...and black hair and pale skin...*and asians...and mexicans...and native americans...I like some curves...and some sassy personality*...but submissive too...and strange colored eyes...*and tattoos*...and no tattoos...*and independent.*..and codependent...
> :scratchhead: I need a girlfriend or something, I'm getting kind of weird


I look asian/mexican/native, have tattoos, am sassy and independent!


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> While it's common, I wouldn't read too much into it. Some guys say things because they don't know what else to say in order to get their point across. Whether it is manipulative or not, probably can't be determined at this point.



I dont know with SA yet... killer I was pretty sure what he was, you know that spidey sense, but I also knew what i wanted him for.... 

SA Im enjoying him, we really did hit it off, I like spending time with him, im actually communicating with him more than any guy since the engy... but im not betting on him either, we will see, for now i will enjoy the process...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I dont know with SA yet... killer I was pretty sure what he was, you know that spidey sense, but I also knew what i wanted him for....
> 
> SA Im enjoying him, we really did hit it off, I like spending time with him, im actually communicating with him more than any guy since the engy... but im not betting on him either, we will see, for now i will enjoy the process...


The only problem I have with the comment is.....

Why would a woman ever make you relaxed? When is that ever her job? You should be relaxed because you are secure and confident in who you are! It doesn't matter what happens on the date, as long as you are yourself. It's just weird......

Of course, I am a recovering codependent and "pleaser" so these type of comments make my skin crawl.....so, take it with a grain of salt. lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> NICE! so are you done with mr nochem then?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All FWB action has been nixed. And he is losing his fvcking mind on me! OMG! He is making me nuts! He is so freaking jealous, I just dont even know what to think. Its is own damn fault that I was still looking!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> All FWB action has been nixed.* And he is losing his fvcking mind on me! OMG! He is making me nuts! He is so freaking jealous, I just dont even know what to think.* Its is own damn fault that I was still looking!


Run away from nochem. Run fast and hard. 

Losing his mind being jealous you are seeing other men and he was doing the same to you with other women????  :scratchhead:

F that. Double standards like that never work.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> The only problem I have with the comment is.....
> 
> Why would a woman ever make you relaxed? When is that ever her job? You should be relaxed because you are secure and confident in who you are! It doesn't matter what happens on the date, as long as you are yourself. It's just weird......
> 
> Of course, I am a recovering codependent and "pleaser" so these type of comments make my skin crawl.....so, take it with a grain of salt. lol


He had been talking earlier in the date about how he sometimes is anxious and then gets tense in his shoulders neck, asked him what he was anxious about? he said it had to do with his former jobs ( which were a bit more dangerous than his current position.. ) later in the date when we were cuddling while watching a movie he was referring to how i got him to relax and the tension in his upper body was gone ( and no we didnt do anything)


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> HAHAHAHAHA... so basically if its female you like it


I guess lol



vi_bride04 said:


> I look asian/mexican/native, have tattoos, am sassy and independent!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Run away from nochem. Run fast and hard.
> 
> Losing his mind being jealous you are seeing other men and he was doing the same to you with other women????  :scratchhead:
> 
> F that. Double standards like that never work.


AGREE.............VI is sooooo right


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> He had been talking earlier in the date about how he sometimes is anxious and then gets tense in his shoulders neck, asked him what he was anxious about? he said it had to do with his former jobs ( which were a bit more dangerous than his current position.. ) later in the date when we were cuddling while watching a movie he was referring to how i got him to relax and the tension in his upper body was gone ( and no we didnt do anything)


That ones easy, you're way overthinking it. He was totally baiting you to give him a back rub.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> That ones easy, you're way overthinking it. He was totally baiting you to give him a back rub.


AND, he was doing it very "passively".......


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> He had been talking earlier in the date about how he sometimes is anxious and then gets tense in his shoulders neck, asked him what he was anxious about? he said it had to do with his former jobs ( which were a bit more dangerous than his current position.. ) later in the date when we were cuddling while watching a movie he was referring to how i got him to relax and the tension in his upper body was gone ( and no we didnt do anything)


I have said something very similar with two different women I've been in relationships with, in both times there was complete truth to it and it was meant as both a compliment and a line to set the tone for the kind of communication I wanted to initiate about the state of the relationship. Similar to when a kitten purrs, for me it a simply a signal that I like where I was at.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> I have said something very similar with two different women I've been in relationships with, in both times there was complete truth to it and it was meant as both a compliment and a line to set the tone for the kind of communication I wanted to initiate about the state of the relationship. Similar to when a kitten purrs, for me it a simply a signal that I like where I was at.


Right, but wouldn't it be easier to say, "I enjoy my time with you." and give a few specifics about conversation or things that interest you? 

You make me relax? Meh. It's kind of over emotionally dependent. Down the road, draining. Especially to a woman.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Short term, it appeals to a woman's "caretaker" instinct. Long term, it drains her attraction......just food for thought.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Right, but wouldn't it be easier to say, "I enjoy my time with you." and give a few specifics about conversation or things that interest you?
> 
> You make me relax? Meh. It's kind of over emotionally dependent. Down the road, draining. Especially to a woman.


No, it was pretty easy to say "I feel relaxed when I'm around you" had no idea that it implies any expectations at all. In the first instance it was well received, the second instance wasn't at first but lead to a deeper conversation and I realized (reinforced by this thread) that for some women such an innocuous thing could have such significance. Once my new gf realized that I wasn't feeding her a line or attaching any hidden agenda she trusted that I was simply trying to share my feelings and an amazing makeout session ensued (not because I gave her a line but because I opened up my heart to her)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> No, it was pretty easy to say "I feel relaxed when I'm around you" had no idea that it implies any expectations at all. In the first instance it was well received, the second instance wasn't at first but lead to a deeper conversation and I realized (reinforced by this thread) that for some women such an innocuous thing could have such significance. Once my new gf realized that I wasn't feeding her a line or attaching any hidden agenda she trusted that I was simply trying to share my feelings and an amazing makeout session ensued (not because I gave her a line but because I opened up my heart to her)


Different strokes for different folks.... My gf would run for the hills if I said something like that because she would see it as codependent. And, while fun at first, down the road it is a killer.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> No, it was pretty easy to say "I feel relaxed when I'm around you" had no idea that it implies any expectations at all. In the first instance it was well received, the second instance wasn't at first but lead to a deeper conversation and I realized (reinforced by this thread) that for some women such an innocuous thing could have such significance. Once my new gf realized that I wasn't feeding her a line or attaching any hidden agenda she trusted that I was simply trying to share my feelings and an amazing makeout session ensued (not because I gave her a line but because I opened up my heart to her)


lol... yea i thought he may be baiting a back rub... and i didnt attach that much significance to it, it just struck me because ive heard it before, so i was curious..,.

though us women do pretty much analyze EVERYTHING..


----------



## Lon

unsure78 said:


> ...though us women do pretty much analyze EVERYTHING..


Sometimes y'all need to not to  No Wonder so many men play dumb and are actually being smart by never opening their mouths.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> Sometimes y'all need to not to  No Wonder so many men play dumb and are actually being smart by never opening their mouths.


 Keep your mouth shut, and ask a ton of questions. That's my deal, at least for a while.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> AGREE.............VI is sooooo right


Extreme jealousy is a huge red flag. Any guy who gets possessive/jealous more than what the current commitment in the relationship calls for, he needs to go. 

My ex was like this. I thought it was "cute" he cared about me so much to be soooooo overly jealous of my guy friends in the beginning of our relationship.

Nope. Its not cute. It just shows an extremely insecure man who is possibly abusive. 

The date I had on Friday showed some of this. We got on the discussion of POF and why join and what not. For some reason, he threw out a comment like "If you date anyone else I'll kill you!" then started laughing. Ummm excuse me? I just met you for the first time tonight, joke or not, a comment like that is really not necessary AT ALL. Especially since I'm sure he just wants to get laid


----------



## Lon

Dedicated2Her said:


> Keep your mouth shut, and ask a ton of questions. That's my deal, at least for a while.


well works for many men I suppose, I guess I'm not good at asking the right questions, because it wasn't until I opened up (possibly even too brutally honest) that I actually could attract any women and hold their interest. But for me it works because I am incapable of being untruthful.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> I guess I'm not good at asking the right questions, because it wasn't until I opened up (possibly even too brutally honest) that I actually could attract any women and hold their interest.


The line of questioning is very important because it shows your value system and what is important to you. Listening and then probing while adding tidbits to your own experiences to it draws the attention, gives them a little about you to nibble on while you really get into how they process information. It is an art form....


----------



## angstire

Question for all: As I've been dating, I've tried to decide if I want to have little kids in my life as part of the package with the woman. I have stepdaughters that I am close with from my second marriage, but I'm not sure I want to do that again. I've already decided that I really don't want to date anyone from the burbs, but from the urban core is good. I'm thinking now the same about kids; do I want to date someone with kids youger than 12 or do I make that another filter on the list. And I haven't been able to decide one way or the other. Obviously, it takes some romantic prospects off of the list, but it may be a good filter for me with were I am with my teenage daughters. I like kids and I was a good step-parent, but I'm not sure I want to do that again. 

So, my question: Have you put thought into this and how did you decide? Dating someone with kids younger than your own, younger than 12, or just looking at people with kids your kids' ages or no kids, kids out of the house, etc.

Thanks!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Extreme jealousy is a huge red flag. Any guy who gets possessive/jealous more than what the current commitment in the relationship calls for, he needs to go.
> 
> My ex was like this. I thought it was "cute" he cared about me so much to be soooooo overly jealous of my guy friends in the beginning of our relationship.
> 
> Nope. Its not cute. It just shows an extremely insecure man who is possibly abusive.
> 
> The date I had on Friday showed some of this. We got on the discussion of POF and why join and what not. *For some reason, he threw out a comment like "If you date anyone else I'll kill you!" then started laughing. Ummm excuse me? I just met you for the first time tonight, joke or not, a comment like that is really not necessary AT ALL.* Especially since I'm sure he just wants to get laid


YIKES!! 

NoChem is not abusive, but evidently IS possessive, which makes NO sense to me at this point. He has ZERO right to be, how many times has he insisted to me that he just doesnt feel THAT connection with me?? Which I never understood, since we had every other connection...he says there just wasnt that "spark" for him with me. So guess what dude...fate saw fit to drop someone amazing into my lap, and I fully intend to see where this will lead!


----------



## vi_bride04

.....I just want someone I can have a conversation with where I'm not the one continually keeping the conversation going....ugh...

I have found I can go out and have fun and hold a conversation with pretty much anyone. Great. Awesome. Now where are the guys who can be just as engaging as me?? I'm the one thinking of the questions, I'm the one bringing up things to talk about....it gets old and tiring.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> YIKES!!
> 
> *NoChem is not abusive*, but evidently IS possessive, which makes NO sense to me at this point. He has ZERO right to be, how many times has he insisted to me that he just doesnt feel THAT connection with me?? Which I never understood, since we had every other connection...he says there just wasnt that "spark" for him with me. So guess what dude...fate saw fit to drop someone amazing into my lap, and I fully intend to see where this will lead!


Are you really sure he's not abusive? Seems to me he played your emotions pretty well. Doesn't have to be physical abuse - could be verbal or emotional and I think NoChem has a great handle on the emotional abuse crap.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Are you really sure he's not abusive? Seems to me he played your emotions pretty well. Doesn't have to be physical abuse - could be verbal or emotional and I think NoChem has a great handle on the emotional abuse crap.


Well when you put it THAT way, yeah you may be right.


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> So, my question: Have you put thought into this and how did you decide? Dating someone with kids younger than your own, younger than 12, or just looking at people with kids your kids' ages or no kids, kids out of the house, etc.
> 
> Thanks!


I was a step mom and it was a bad experience for me. Just due to how my ex handled things and expected me to jump into "mommy" role even though he knew I wasn't that type. His abandoning his children every few years made an awkward situation too...

I have decided I am willing to date men with older kids (16+), but not men with younger kids or men who want to have kids. 

I have no desire to be a parent, a friend, or anything to a child that is not mine. Maybe thats a little harsh and maybe I will be passing up a good man but I am sure as sh!t about my kid views and am not going to compromise what I want. Which is no kids. lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I was a step mom and it was a bad experience for me. Just due to how my ex handled things and expected me to jump into "mommy" role even though he knew I wasn't that type. His abandoning his children every few years made an awkward situation too...
> 
> I have decided I am willing to date men with older kids (16+), but not men with younger kids or men who want to have kids.
> 
> I have no desire to be a parent, a friend, or anything to a child that is not mine. Maybe thats a little harsh and maybe I will be passing up a good man but I am sure as sh!t about my kid views and am not going to compromise what I want. Which is no kids. lol


If I am on the fence about interest in someone, him having younger kids will help me swing my leg over that fence onto the NOT interested side.


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> I have no desire to be a parent, a friend, or anything to a child that is not mine. Maybe thats a little harsh and maybe I will be passing up a good man but I am sure as sh!t about my kid views and am not going to compromise what I want. Which is no kids. lol


I think that's good to know about yourself. I wouldn't judge it, other than to say, I admire someone who knows what they want and why. It cuts out all the BS when what's wanted is not known and resentment builds.

There are plenty of guys, it's ok to cut down the list a little with things that are important to you.

I just can't figure out my answer yet. I'm not sure the TAM chorus will help, but maybe some of the things said here will spark an idea for me.


----------



## angstire

3Xnocharm said:


> If I am on the fence about interest in someone, him having younger kids will help me swing my leg over that fence onto the NOT interested side.


That's actually a good point 3X. 

For me, a woman living in the city is nearly a must have.

Maybe for younger kids, it would be a good rule to say if I'm so-so on her, younger kids indicate taking a pass.

Thanks for the feedback.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> .....I just want someone I can have a conversation with where I'm not the one continually keeping the conversation going....ugh...
> 
> I have found I can go out and have fun and hold a conversation with pretty much anyone. Great. Awesome. Now where are the guys who can be just as engaging as me?? I'm the one thinking of the questions, I'm the one bringing up things to talk about....it gets old and tiring.


As an atypical guy, I have found that offering up too much info is better for the quality and quantity of the dialog than if I offer up to little, it keeps women from having to over analyze their assumptions and ensures we cover topics that are mutually interesting as well as each others own likes and dislikes.


----------



## angstire

I have an interesting breakup story for my thread that I'll post tonight or later this week. It will take a while to write up, but I think it's a good one to share.

Remember, sometimes you must give up what you have to get what you want. Settling is for the doomed.


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> I think that's good to know about yourself. I wouldn't judge it, other than to say, I admire someone who knows what they want and why. *It cuts out all the BS when what's wanted is not known and resentment builds.*


Thats what happened in my previous married life. I have known my views on kids for as long as I can remember. Instead of accepting this, my ex pushed and pushed and pushed me to be more involved with his kids when we had them....ya know like a little "family unit". I tried sticking up for myself and voicing my views on not wanting to get involved in that way, but whenever I did PA silent treatment and other b.s. would start with my ex. It just wasn't worth it, so I started to resent whenever we had them.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I personally have no problem dating someone with kids. The gal I met yesterday has 2, one older than mine and one the same age.

My current take on it is ... I'm willing to learn off of a potential partner and I believe subconsciously I'm seeking someone who shares similar parenting but has the will to do certain things I'm not the greatest at.

If that makes sense. I'm not talking about pawning my kids off etc. I have a hard time doing crafts and the little nick nack things ... I just don't have the patience for it. Haha. So meeting someone who can do those types of things and enjoy it from time to time would be great.

I have no problem not sharing all the same interests, I think it's good to have your "own thing" as long as it's not hindering the progression of the relationship. Such as expensive hobbies becoming priority over bills.

So many things are currently theory based though. Haha.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

This all brings me back to something my therapist said to me early on in my divorce---

D2H- People previously married fall into the trap of being really good at getting into a relationship and trying to apply their marriage lessons into a dating relationship. It makes them really bad at dating. TRUE STORY.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> This all brings me back to something my therapist said to me early on in my divorce---
> 
> D2H- People previously married fall into the trap of being really good at getting into a relationship and trying to apply their marriage lessons into a dating relationship. It makes them really bad at dating. TRUE STORY.


To me that just screams baggage, the kind not handled well.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> This all brings me back to something my therapist said to me early on in my divorce---
> 
> D2H- P*eople previously married fall into the trap of being really good at getting into a relationship and trying to apply their marriage lessons into a dating relationship.* It makes them really bad at dating. TRUE STORY.


Can you expand on this? I'm not sure what this means and I want to make sure I'm not possibly screaming "baggage!!!!" on my dates as Up was saying it indicates....


----------



## Another Planet

For me it is actually a requirement that she have kids or doesn't want her own and they have to like kids too because I have 3 which is why she must have her own because I don't personally want anymore. I already have 2 babies mommas in my life and I DO NOT want a third added to the list! Screw that shiat! That part of my life is over with for good.
Don't get me wrong I really like kids which is why I say she would need her own to get it out of her system lol. And it helps understand what I have to go through in my life. No I can't drop everything for you and I am not going to, I have a family to take care of first as a single dad, this **** is hard work!

The girl I am talking to right now has twin 5yr old girls. I think it's great! I am actually looking forward to it and I really hope the emails leads to more.....
In other words I hope I don't screw this one up :/
I think I will just give up for a while if this doesn't go anywhere.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Can you expand on this? I'm not sure what this means and I want to make sure I'm not possibly screaming "baggage!!!!" on my dates as Up was saying it indicates....


We have all learned new ways to deal with things right? Most of us know the general framework for the ideal relationship we want moving forward.

A lot of people now say "you deserve better" or "don't settle" but does everyone really know what that means? "Red flags" and all that stuff is important yea, but it then becomes hyper sensitive and way too focused on.

Yes, drug addicts and all those negative traits should be avoided when finding a possible spouse, but just because ones ex used to go to the bar and get sh1t face drunk after every football game ... doesn't mean the guy you just met who also goes to football games will do the same.

Out of respect for my date I won't go into details but some of the things she said that she went through with her ex, I couldn't imagine doing to someone. So for me to be typecast the same, isn't going to fly for me. (I wasn't in anyway, just an example).

I think people are far too quick to judge, yet think that they aren't. Then again, some of us have been hurt pretty bad and it will take a while to get beyond it.

That's understandable.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm still confused....I don't see how taking what I learned from my ex and other failed relationships and applying those things would make me bad at dating.

If I see a red flag or other behavior that is something I am not willing to deal with in a relationship I'm not going to settle, I'm going to move on. 

Is having boundaries a sign of baggage??


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm not sure how to explain it, what you said is correct but I've seen (and read) it taken in an unhealthy direction.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I'm still confused....I don't see how taking what I learned from my ex and other failed relationships and applying those things would make me bad at dating.
> 
> If I see a red flag or other behavior that is something I am not willing to deal with in a relationship I'm not going to settle, I'm going to move on.
> 
> Is having boundaries a sign of baggage??


No, boundaries is not a sign of baggage. It isn't doing what you said. See, what happens is that people that have been married will quickly jump into a relationship and start applying relationship principles in a dating relationship that is 1 month old. SO, you end up trying to make a relationship work that most of the time you shouldn't even be in because you aren't really a good fit to start with. 

Now, the majority of people on this site are very self aware people OR we wouldn't be here. So, we really are in the minority. Most people are scared to look inside because they won't like what they see........


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I have a thing for redheads...and freckles...and brown hair tan skin...and black hair and pale skin...and asians...and mexicans...and native americans...I like some curves...and some sassy personality...but submissive too...and strange colored eyes...and tattoos...and no tattoos...and independent...and codependent...
> :scratchhead:* I need a girlfriend or something, I'm getting kind of weird*


:rofl: This post is awesome! :smthumbup:



3Xnocharm said:


> All FWB action has been nixed.* And he is losing his fvcking mind on me! *OMG! He is making me nuts! H*e is so freaking jealous*, I just dont even know what to think. Its is own damn fault that I was still looking!


 FUNNY how that happens when the tables are TURNED. Amazing, ain't it?


----------



## Jellybeans

Re: kids. I love them but do not have my own. I do not know if I ever will. Maybe I will some day? I have almost always dated men without children, like me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hypothetical: So you had an awesome last date with a guy who you've been out with a few times now. At the end of the last one, you guys end up fooling around quite a bit (no sex though) and it is lovely. You both have whacky schedules. You message him telling him that if he's not busy to come over. He tells you he can't because he's out of town working til tomorrow. You send him a flirty text telling him that is too bad because you were looking for a rematch of your last encounter. He doesn't respond. 

? 

Riddle me that.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Hypothetical: So you had an awesome last date with a guy who you've been out with a few times now. At the end of the last one, you guys end up fooling around quite a bit (no sex though) and it is lovely. You both have whacky schedules. You message him telling him that if he's not busy to come over. He tells you he can't because he's out of town working til tomorrow. You send him a flirty text telling him that is too bad because you were looking for a rematch of your last encounter. He doesn't respond.
> 
> ?
> 
> Riddle me that.


He is probably very busy as he is out of town working til tomorrow.
Or maybe he is trying to come up with something equally flirty!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Hypothetical: So you had an awesome last date with a guy who you've been out with a few times now. At the end of the last one, you guys end up fooling around quite a bit (no sex though) and it is lovely. You both have whacky schedules. You message him telling him that if he's not busy to come over. He tells you he can't because he's out of town working til tomorrow. You send him a flirty text telling him that is too bad because you were looking for a rematch of your last encounter. He doesn't respond.
> 
> ?
> 
> Riddle me that.


Hmm, I think that would depend on how long the non-response has been. Big difference between a couple of hours or a couple of days...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Hypothetical: So you had an awesome last date with a guy who you've been out with a few times now. At the end of the last one, you guys end up fooling around quite a bit (no sex though) and it is lovely. You both have whacky schedules. You message him telling him that if he's not busy to come over. He tells you he can't because he's out of town working til tomorrow. You send him a flirty text telling him that is too bad because you were looking for a rematch of your last encounter. He doesn't respond.
> 
> ?
> 
> Riddle me that.


Probably, he is thinking, "Don't [email protected] this up. Don't [email protected] this up."


----------



## Jellybeans

Not even a day. But... I thought my flirty message was awesome and most guys would be turned on I thought. I suck at dating/flirting, guys.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Probably, he is thinking, "Don't [email protected] this up. Don't [email protected] this up."


Don't fvck what up?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Not even a day. But... I thought my flirty message was awesome and most guys would be turned on I thought. I suck at dating/flirting, guys.


Then my guess would be that he is working, and thinking of a good flirty response! He was probably quite surprised!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Don't fvck what up?


He has one on the hook! He is probably saying to himself, "Don't say something stupid." In guys world----"Don't [email protected] this up and not get laid."


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> No, boundaries is not a sign of baggage. It isn't doing what you said. S*ee, what happens is that people that have been married will quickly jump into a relationship and start applying relationship principles in a dating relationship that is 1 month old. * SO, you end up trying to make a relationship work that most of the time you shouldn't even be in because you aren't really a good fit to start with.
> 
> Now, the majority of people on this site are very self aware people OR we wouldn't be here. So, we really are in the minority. Most people are scared to look inside because they won't like what they see........


Isn't there a term for that? Transferring or something? I remember talking about it with a gf who was concerned I was doing something similar with my LDR....


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> He has one on the hook! He is probably saying to himself, "Don't say something stupid." In guys world---*-"Don't [email protected] this up and** not get laid*."


:rofl:

Funny cause this is what I have been saying in my head, toooo!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Isn't there a term for that? Transferring or something?


Yeah. It's transferring. But I don't totally agree with what that therapist said. Sure, we do rehash some things into new relationships but not all divorced folks are going to keep doing the same sh*t over and over again. Plenty of people go on to have amazing/better subsequent marriages/relationships.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Plenty of people go on to have amazing/better subsequent marriages/relationships.


Sure, but that doesn't make them good at dating.......

Two codependents together can move on to have a great relationship. It doesn't mean it is the best thing for them individually in the long run.

And, that therapist literally has called everything that has happened with my ex in the past 3 years far before it happened. It's spooky. She is very good.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Sure, but that doesn't make them good at dating.......


True but you have to date before you get married (hopefully)


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Don't fvck what up?


The chance to take you to the matt; again and again and again and again....


----------



## Jellybeans

To Matt? To bat, you mean?

Haha. "again and again and again..." Well I don't know WHO is going to "mess up my hair" eventually but that motherfvkr better be ready for battle because it's been so long and I am going to need repeats to make up for all the missed time. Hehehehe.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Hypothetical: So you had an awesome last date with a guy who you've been out with a few times now. At the end of the last one, you guys end up fooling around quite a bit (no sex though) and it is lovely. You both have whacky schedules. You message him telling him that if he's not busy to come over. He tells you he can't because he's out of town working til tomorrow. You send him a flirty text telling him that is too bad because you were looking for a rematch of your last encounter. He doesn't respond.
> 
> ?
> 
> Riddle me that.


ok maybe hes busy as people do work and all that.... but the suspicious part of me say BS hes got someone else your the OW... even my slow hat responds to naughty-ish texts with speed ( granted doesn't act on them but responds in text)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> True but you have to date before you get married (hopefully)


Right. But, let's be honest here, most people I see outside of TAM suck at it. They just do. Emotions start and this new person is amazing and blah, blah, blah. Instead of slowing the roll, and being very tactful about things, the high takes over. 

Now, that doesn't mean they won't move on, work on things, and build something. It just means that they have more heartache, more hard work long term, and more opportunity to be with someone who isn't quite the best for them.

I don't want to work my butt off to make something work that I could have been tactful about on the front end. Sorry, been there, done that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> True but you have to date before you get married (hopefully)


Nope - I didn't.

Would start to fool around with someone and just "end up" in a relationship. Unfortunately, that happened with my ex and we "ended up" married...

I have never dated, other than people I already had an established romantic relationship with.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Right. But, let's be honest here, most people I see outside of TAM suck at it. They just do. Emotions start and this new person is amazing and blah, blah, blah. *Instead of slowing the roll, and being very tactful about things, t*he high takes over.


Well I agree with that.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> ok maybe hes busy as people do work and all that.... *but the suspicious part of me say BS hes got someone else your the OW.*.. even my slow hat responds to naughty-ish texts with speed ( granted doesn't act on them but responds in text)


I was going to be negative nancy earlier but didn't want to bust Jelly's bubble


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Right. But, let's be honest here, most people I see outside of TAM suck at it. They just do. Emotions start and this new person is amazing and blah, blah, blah. Instead of slowing the roll, and being very tactful about things, the high takes over. .


lol D2H..thats SA, ive been going sloooooooooooooooow down (and im not talking about sex), one thing at a time, lets make it through the next date first...lol


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> ok maybe hes busy as people do work and all that.... but the suspicious part of me say BS hes got someone else your the OW... even my slow hat responds to naughty-ish texts with speed ( granted doesn't act on them but responds in text)


I hear you guys. I asked him straight up if he was married, engaged or otherwise involved with someone. He said no. 

(I like to get important questions out of the way).



vi_bride04 said:


> I was going to be negative nancy earlier but didn't want to bust Jelly's bubble


Don't worry about that. I prefer you guys to give me your honest opinions.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you guys. I asked him straight up if he was married, engaged or otherwise involved with someone. He said no.
> 
> (I like to get important questions out of the way).


Jelly I asked killer the same things... he straight up lied to my face


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you guys. I asked him straight up if he was married, engaged or otherwise involved with someone. He said no.
> 
> (I like to get important questions out of the way).
> 
> 
> 
> Don't worry about that. I prefer you guys to give me your honest opinions.


Him saying no=========means nothing.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you guys. I asked him straight up if he was married, engaged or otherwise involved with someone. He said no.
> 
> (I like to get important questions out of the way).


I don't even ask this question anymore. B/c of the reasons below. 



unsure78 said:


> Jelly I asked killer the same things... he straight up lied to my face





Dedicated2Her said:


> Him saying no=========means nothing.


I've gotten really really really good at picking up on cheaters/liars so I'd rather not ask and let their actions show me the truth.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I was going to be negative nancy earlier but didn't want to bust Jelly's bubble


Ugh. 



unsure78 said:


> Jelly I asked killer the same things... he straight up lied to my face


Yeah...

I will just prefer to think he's not w/ someone and that my text message threw him into a masturbation frenzy of which he hasn't fully recovered from.


----------



## unsure78

what can you verify? anything on fb or even a google search.... fb is how i figured out about killer... he had it open to everyone so i looked... trust but verify learn from cwi
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

We're friends online. I only saw one day a chick winky faced him on a post he made. Have been to his house before and no sign of a woman. Really, nothing alarming.


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> To Matt? To bat, you mean?
> 
> Haha. "again and again and again..." Well I don't know WHO is going to "mess up my hair" eventually but that motherfvkr better be ready for battle because it's been so long and I am going to need repeats to make up for all the missed time. Hehehehe.


haha, I mean take you to the matt like the mattress, derived from being taken to the mat in wrestling. 

Sadly, I don't have anyone to mess up her hair anymore. 

I'll save that metaphor for another girl.


----------



## angstire

unsure78 said:


> what can you verify? anything on fb or even a google search.... fb is how i figured out about killer... he had it open to everyone so i looked... trust but verify learn from cwi
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FB is a good way to track this down. 

I have not friended any women I've dated on FB, because it didn't get to the point of seriousness of wanting to post pics of us together. 

But you can bet your a$$ if a dude is dating a woman there is a 99.99999% chance they are friends on FB with pics there.  "He's mine, stay away b!tches." More explicit than lipstick or perfume in the morning.


----------



## unsure78

angstire said:


> FB is a good way to track this down.
> 
> I have not friended any women I've dated on FB, because it didn't get to the point of seriousness of wanting to post pics of us together.
> 
> But you can bet your a$$ if a dude is dating a women there is a 99.99999% chance they are friends on FB with pics there. "He's mine, stay away b!tches." More explicit than lipstick or perfume in the morning.


totally agree and i have not friended anyone while dating then
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I've gotten really really really good at picking up on cheaters/liars so I'd rather not ask and let their actions show me the truth.


What clues do you look for?

Mr. Ex Jelly was on POF while married to me...


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> What clues do you look for?
> 
> Mr. Ex Jelly was on POF while married to me...


Vagueness is a HUGE one and probably one of the biggest clues. 

Playing on their phone while on the date

Not giving alot of details about the previous breakup or why they are signed up for online dating (again, vagueness)

Overly touchy/feely/sexual talk

ummmmmm those are all that pop in my head at the moment. But if any of those flags pop up, I do more investigating or just cut things off. 

I'm not sure what is going to happen when I start opening myself up more - right now I am so guarded I can really pick up on POS behavior.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Too guarded can lead to over analyzing and "vague" can be a matter of opinion. You're not going to get to know everything about me on the first date and you're not entitled to it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> Probably, he is thinking, "Don't [email protected] this up. Don't [email protected] this up."


This has been MY thinking with hard hat!  Someone this amazing does NOT come along very often, and I am working my butt off not to screw it up!


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Too guarded can lead to over analyzing and "vague" can be a matter of opinion. *You're not going to get to know everything about me on the first date and you're not entitled to it.*


I agree with this. But I'm talking about vagueness that goes beyond first dates.

ETA: I don't even know what I'm talking about b/c I have only gone out on one 2nd date and 1 first date... and everyone else has pretty much just been a booty call since I left my ex. 

I feel really broken today.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> This has been MY thinking with hard hat!  Someone this amazing does NOT come along very often, and I am working my butt off not to screw it up!


Value yourself more 3x........ How many times you guys been out? Someone "this amazing"?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> Value yourself more 3x........ How many times you guys been out? Someone "this amazing"?


Yeah yeah, I know....


----------



## unsure78

to try to suss out the liars i ask a lot of questions, check on what details i can, like divorce records or fb, place of employment(every company has a website now), and often ask the same questions in a slightly diffrent way to see if you get the consistent answers... also if someone gets really specific it can be a sign too... but its an art form im just learning never realized how much people lie until i caught the exh... oh and hiding the phone when previously was out with it huge sign as always
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> to try to suss out the liars i ask a lot of questions, check on what details i can, like divorce records or fb, place of employment(every company has a website now), and often ask the same questions in a slightly diffrent way to see if you get the consistent answers... also if someone gets really specific it can be a sign too... but its an aet form im just learning never realized how much people lie until i caught the exh... oh and hiding the phone when previously was out with it huge sign as always
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, its amazing what their phone behavior can reveal.


----------



## unsure78

lol...on the date with SA he was like "i interrogate people for a living, im good at finding out who lies"... im like ok how do you spot a liar?... he went a bit in to it, and im thinking to myself, thanks for the tips ill make sure to look at thoes things when you talk.. hahahag
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> What? You still feel female? Am I reading this wrong?
> And what has been revealed man?! lol
> 
> 
> The house got sold yesterday. Maybe that's what the tingles over these last few mths were about .
> But yeah not sure if that's all it was because l'm still feeling female too..


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> This has been MY thinking with hard hat!  Someone this amazing does NOT come along very often, and I am working my butt off not to screw it up!


3x you shouldn't be having to work your butt off, just enjoy.. and you want someone who likes you for who you are, cause it wont last long if they dont
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> Question for all: As I've been dating, I've tried to decide if I want to have little kids in my life as part of the package with the woman. I have stepdaughters that I am close with from my second marriage, but I'm not sure I want to do that again. I've already decided that I really don't want to date anyone from the burbs, but from the urban core is good. I'm thinking now the same about kids; do I want to date someone with kids youger than 12 or do I make that another filter on the list. And I haven't been able to decide one way or the other. Obviously, it takes some romantic prospects off of the list, but it may be a good filter for me with were I am with my teenage daughters. I like kids and I was a good step-parent, but I'm not sure I want to do that again.
> 
> So, my question: Have you put thought into this and how did you decide? Dating someone with kids younger than your own, younger than 12, or just looking at people with kids your kids' ages or no kids, kids out of the house, etc.
> 
> Thanks!



l was thinking about it but realized hell , it doesn't matter. lt's only about that oine in a million that your gonna fall in love with one day , the rest don't matter anyway , they go no where.

And with that one we do fall in love with , it's not gonna matter what she's got anyway , real loves too strong to care less about the details.

But me , l'd like it if she still has a few young kids , love kids. Spose though l certainly wouldn't wanna step on another mans toes though with his kids , l know too well how that feels.
Anyway , l'm just playing all that by ear myself .


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> .....I just want someone I can have a conversation with where I'm not the one continually keeping the conversation going....ugh...
> 
> I have found I can go out and have fun and hold a conversation with pretty much anyone. Great. Awesome. Now where are the guys who can be just as engaging as me?? I'm the one thinking of the questions, I'm the one bringing up things to talk about....it gets old and tiring.


Go for well educated. Most well educated people will talk about flies crawling up a wall , world issues, politics, anything-and talk- and talk -and talk !


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> 3x you shouldn't be having to work your butt off, just enjoy.. and you want someone who likes you for who you are, cause it wont last long if they dont
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I AM being myself.  I am just trying not to be overbearing, or overly aggressive. My being too aggressive in the past has not served me well. I have been keeping him out of the drama with NoChem. I am sure he is used to women making fools out of themselves with him, and I want to stand out in that I DONT do that. Havent any of you other ladies found a guy that just turned your insides (and lady parts!) to jelly?? He is looking for long term and is really romantic, which is what I have been hoping to find.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Havent any of you other ladies found a guy that just turned your insides (and lady parts!) to jelly??


Post divorce - yes, and he broke my heart. 

Thats the way it goes I guess.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I AM being myself.  I am just trying not to be overbearing, or overly aggressive. My being too aggressive in the past has not served me well. I have been keeping him out of the drama with NoChem. I am sure he is used to women making fools out of themselves with him, and I want to stand out in that I DONT do that. Havent any of you other ladies found a guy that just turned your insides (and lady parts!) to jelly?? He is looking for long term and is really romantic, which is what I have been hoping to find.


ok gotcha.. yea over aggressive not good... do not involve him with the drama with no chem... one thing at a time though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Something else I ran across that's worth posting here...

4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever | Cracked.com


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> Something else I ran across that's worth posting here...
> 
> 4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever | Cracked.com


This is just sad and frightening.


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Post divorce - yes, and he broke my heart.
> 
> Thats the way it goes I guess.


He turned your insides into jelly because you settled and ignored huge red flags. Something you've learned from and become a better person for.

That guy is a mess and needs a lot of therapy.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> * lt's only about that oine in a million that your gonna fall in love with one day* , the rest don't matter anyway , they go no where.


So...damn....true.

:iagree::iagree:



3Xnocharm said:


> Havent any of you other ladies found a guy that just turned your insides (and lady parts!) to jelly?? He is looking for long term and is really romantic, which is what I have been hoping to find.


Hehe. Too easy. Being that I AM jelly and all that. Hee hee.

But all jokes aside, yes. I have met men like t his before. They are not a common occurrence for me. They are few and far in between. That is why, if I feel a spark or a connection with someone, it is an absolute rarity. I am more often NOT feeling that for anyone. So when I do... it is fantastically bizarre.


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi--who was the guy who broke your heart? Was that the one who was still married/separated/said it was going too fast??

Or am I confusing it with someone else?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Vi--who was the guy who broke your heart? Was that the one who was still married/separated/said it was going too fast??
> 
> Or am I confusing it with someone else?


(I was wondering too! )


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Something else I ran across that's worth posting here...
> 
> 4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever | Cracked.com


----------



## jpr

My hat ships out to sea for two weeks starting tomorrow. Boooo.


----------



## unsure78

Sorry jpr


----------



## unsure78

im in the mood for a 90s music break on the singles thread today....

never trust a big butt and a smile....


----------



## Jellybeans

...that girl is Poisoooooooooooooon

90s had great music!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> im in the mood for a 90s music break on the singles thread today....
> 
> never trust a big butt and a smile....


How popular you want to go? Either way, I got it covered. 

Something like this?
TLC - Waterfalls - YouTube

Or harder to remember?
The Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly [Official Music Video] - YouTube


----------



## RandomDude

:smthumbup:


Jellybeans said:


> ...that girl is Poisoooooooooooooon
> 
> 90s had great music!


Alice Cooper - Poison (Official Music Video) HQ 1989 - YouTube

:smthumbup:

I wanna love you but I better not touch!
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop!
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much!
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous...

POISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Alice Cooper - Poison (Official Music Video) HQ 1989 - YouTube
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> I wanna love you but I better not touch!
> I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop!
> I wanna kiss you but I want it too much!
> I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous...
> 
> POISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!


Alice Cooper, hellz yeah! I've got everything he's ever done on my computer. 

Have you heard this one yet? Alice Cooper - Sex, Death and Money (B.I.B) - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> How popular you want to go? Either way, I got it covered.
> 
> Something like this?
> TLC - Waterfalls - YouTube
> 
> Or harder to remember?
> The Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly [Official Music Video] - YouTube


I do like that flaming lips song... 

she uses Vaseline....


----------



## RandomDude

:rofl:

Hell yeah! 

SEX DEATH AND MONEY IS WHAT MAKES THE FKING WORLD GO ROUND MATE! 

Don't let ppl BS you otherwise!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I do like that flaming lips song...
> 
> she uses Vaseline....


You got any requests? I listen to a lot of metal, but I also listen to like every 90s song that was popular. 

Remember this one? 
The Cardigans | Lovefool (Official Video) - YouTube

Or this one?
Jane's Addiction - Been Caught Stealing (Video) - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw, man, both great songs!

I love "Jane Says" too by Jane's Addiction.

Lovefool was from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack that came out when I was 14 and yes, I still own it to this day  I say the movie in the theatre.


----------



## Nsweet

I got my first radio when 'Love Fool' came out when I was 8yo. I was so addicted to that song that I still know all the lyrics.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I got my first radio when 'Love Fool' came out when I was 8yo.


Child! LOL


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Child! LOL


That's not funny. 

I just turned 26, but I still look 16. I would have to take up smoking in order to look my age.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> You got any requests? I listen to a lot of metal, but I also listen to like every 90s song that was popular.
> 
> Remember this one?
> The Cardigans | Lovefool (Official Video) - YouTube
> 
> Or this one?
> Jane's Addiction - Been Caught Stealing (Video) - YouTube


Oh Nsweet I know them all.. it was my teenage years in the 90s


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Whippersnappers.


----------



## unsure78

3X so whats going on with hard hat and no chem?

Jelly... he ever get back to you?


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> That's not funny.
> 
> I just turned 26, but I still look 16. I would have to take up smoking in order to look my age.


Ahahahhaha you're a fking babyface eh?

Heroin's your cure, or you can just spend enough time getting fked up on the streets and being hospitalised with morphine and you'll age mate.

DISCLAIMER: I'm kidding, don't you FKING dare do something that stupid! Be proud of your babyface!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Ahahahhaha you're a fking babyface eh?
> 
> Heroin's your cure, or you can just spend enough time getting fked up on the streets and being hospitalised with morphine and you'll age mate.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I'm kidding, don't you FKING dare do something that stupid! Be proud of your babyface!


Nah, the way I figure it having a baby face can come through for me in the end. 

My actual 20s sucked, and have been sucking.... But my 30s may be pretty kick ass, especially if I look like I'm 20 something the whole time. 

It's like getting a do-over.:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> 3X so whats going on with hard hat and no chem?
> 
> Jelly... he ever get back to you?


NoChem seems to be getting a grip on things finally. He "lost" me and that other woman that he was trying to be exclusive with both yesterday. (he ended things with her, she wouldnt commit) So he had a bad day! lol! But things are calming, so that's good. 

I may be seeing hard hat tonight. He is going to fix the brakes on my truck! :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Lol yeah but some ladies may still go "OMFG" and all that, age will still be a factor regardless of look. That's reality.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Ahahahhaha you're a fking babyface eh?
> 
> Heroin's your cure, or you can just spend enough time getting fked up on the streets and being hospitalised with morphine and you'll age mate.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I'm kidding, don't you FKING dare do something that stupid! Be proud of your babyface!


Builds character!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Builds character!


LOL!


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> NoChem seems to be getting a grip on things finally. He "lost" me and that other woman that he was trying to be exclusive with both yesterday. (he ended things with her, she wouldnt commit) So he had a bad day! lol! But things are calming, so that's good.
> 
> I may be seeing hard hat tonight. He is going to fix the brakes on my truck! :smthumbup:


HAHA nochem...suck it!

hmm... that's is very nice about hard hat, but it just seems to be moving a little fast... perhaps its just my current perspective though


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> HAHA nochem...suck it!
> 
> hmm... that's is very nice about hard hat, but it just seems to be moving a little fast... perhaps its just my current perspective though


Fast? Do you really think so? I dont feel like its moving fast at all, actually! Well...other than already having sex once. But for many people the third date seems to be the sex date lol! We havent discussed being exclusive or anything yet, even.


----------



## Another Planet

I am getting myself in trouble with my ex wife again. It's like a run away train I swear. 
Drinking a beer together and getting kind of flirty, I told her she has to leave before something happens. So I sent her packing. 
When she gets home she calls and asks what happened so I told her I don't want to hurt anyone. That it wouldn't be serious and I am actively seeking other women and that I am currently talking with one right now that seems promising, she says she doesn't care and that it is a turn on.....lol oh ****. She said if I would have made any move it would have been on.
So that leads to some strange conversation and sexting. Talk about toys, porn, and how we get off if we aren't seeing anyone, then discussing getting her a new vibrator for her birthday and taking pics and sharing a girlfriend.....
I am so frkn weird ugh


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I am getting myself in trouble with my ex wife again. It's like a run away train I swear.
> Drinking a beer together and getting kind of flirty, I told her she has to leave before something happens. So I sent her packing.
> When she gets home she calls and asks what happened so I told her I don't want to hurt anyone. That it wouldn't be serious and I am actively seeking other women and that I am currently talking with one right now that seems promising, she says she doesn't care and that it is a turn on.....lol oh ****. She said if I would have made any move it would have been on.
> So that leads to some strange conversation and sexting. Talk about toys, porn, and how we get off if we aren't seeing anyone, then discussing getting her a new vibrator for her birthday and taking pics and sharing a girlfriend.....
> I am so frkn weird ugh


You need to cut her out of your life.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> But for many people the third date seems to be the sex date lol!


I think I missed that memo. lol


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Drinking a beer together


NO, BAD AP! Flashing light, boundry crossed. You are under arrest.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I am getting myself in trouble with my ex wife again. It's like a run away train I swear.
> Drinking a beer together and getting kind of flirty, I told her she has to leave before something happens. So I sent her packing.
> When she gets home she calls and asks what happened so I told her I don't want to hurt anyone. That it wouldn't be serious and I am actively seeking other women and that I am currently talking with one right now that seems promising, she says she doesn't care and that it is a turn on.....lol oh ****. She said if I would have made any move it would have been on.
> So that leads to some strange conversation and sexting. Talk about toys, porn, and how we get off if we aren't seeing anyone, then discussing getting her a new vibrator for her birthday and taking pics and sharing a girlfriend.....
> I am so frkn weird ugh



yea BAAAD idea....


----------



## Another Planet

I know! ugh 
Sigh I need to find a GF


----------



## RandomDude

> she says she doesn't care and that it is a turn on.....lol oh ****.


Ahahahahahahahhahaha :rofl:

Jealousy is so fking powerful mate


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Fast? Do you really think so? I dont feel like its moving fast at all, actually! Well...other than already having sex once. But for many people the third date seems to be the sex date lol! We havent discussed being exclusive or anything yet, even.


Im not talking about the sex... but hes already fixing the brakes on your car? to me thats something a bf does, not someone ive seen 2(? not sure how many you have seen him) times... and you were saying how amazing he is but he hasn't proven it yet...

( again take me with a grain of salt, it may just be my current perspective--- and i dont want you getting hurt 3x... you my girl!)


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Ahahahahahahahhahaha :rofl:
> 
> Jealousy is so fking powerful mate


I believe her, she has never been so blunt but she loves to talk about the women in my life. And we have discussed including other women many times before. And she is really weird too, it's a big reason why we worked in the first place. I think we grew even weirder together during our marriage.


----------



## vi_bride04

Looks like I will be seeing karaoke hat later this week (date #3)

Lake hat wants to hang out again but I'm pretty sure he only wants a lay. Was love bombing by the end of the first date and I don't think he has a car. Will only text out of the blue and usually is only "Hey what are you up to? Hey want to hang out?" after not hearing anything for a week from him. 

Well, thats not true, he has texted me daily since Friday....b/c he wants to get laid LMAO


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I know! ugh
> Sigh I need to find a GF


Or better boundaries.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I know! ugh
> Sigh I need to find a GF





06Daddio08 said:


> Or better boundaries.


:iagree:

Yup. Wouldn't matter if you had a GF, if you have poor boundaries whats stopping you and your ex hooking up even with a GF??


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Jelly... he ever get back to you?


Nope. I haven't reached out to him again either. 

I agree with Unsure, 3x... Mr. No Chem can SUCK it. 



Another Planet said:


> I am getting myself in trouble with my ex wife again. It's like a run away train I swear.
> Drinking a beer together and getting kind of flirty, I told her she has to leave before something happens. So I sent her packing.
> When she gets home she calls and asks what happened so I told her I don't want to hurt anyone. That it wouldn't be serious and I am actively seeking other women and that I am currently talking with one right now that seems promising, she says she doesn't care and that it is a turn on.....lol oh ****. She said if I would have made any move it would have been on.
> So that leads to some strange conversation and sexting. Talk about toys, porn, and how we get off if we aren't seeing anyone, then discussing getting her a new vibrator for her birthday and taking pics and sharing a girlfriend.....
> I am so frkn weird ugh


:rofl: Ex and I did this song and dance for about two years. Yes, TWO years. It was crazy. We would not stop sleeping together.

I say, you will figure it out at your own pace. LOL



Another Planet said:


> I believe her, she has never been so blunt but she loves to talk about the women in my life. And we have discussed including other women many times before.* And she is really weird too, it's a big reason why we worked in the first place.* I think we grew even weirder together during our marriage.


Lol.  This was my ex and I, too. He really did have a fascinating brain/mind. Total weirdo (in a good way). Also, of course there were some not good ways. But we made a fun weird combo.



Dedicated2Her said:


> I think I missed that memo. lol


Me, too! But honestly, I am happy I didn't on those third dates or any date because eventually it fizzled out. I end up hating myself in a way if I sleep with someone who I hate. GRR. Like I cringe when I think about how I hooked up with the guy who was best friends with his ex-girlfriend. CRINGE. YUCK.



RandomDude said:


> Ahahahahahahahhahaha :rofl:
> 
> Jealousy is so fking powerful mate


Indeed. It's lovely.



Another Planet said:


> I believe her, she has never been so blunt but she loves to talk about the women in my life. And we have discussed including other women many times before. And she is really weird too, it's a big reason why we worked in the first place. I think we grew even weirder together during our marriage.





vi_bride04 said:


> Lake hat wants to hang out again but I'm pretty sure he only wants a lay. *Was love bombing by the end of the first date and I don't think he has a car. *


:rofl: 

Where do we find these dudes? Hopefully he has a JOB.


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> I know! ugh
> Sigh I need to find a GF


And just how, exactly, is that supposed to fix the problem?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Where do we find these dudes? Hopefully he has a JOB.


POF it seems....

No idea if he has a job. He was extremely cheap and I paid not only for my appetizer and drinks but two pitchers of beer for him as well....yeah guess I'm a sucker. 

Really getting sick of the losers.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> POF it seems....
> 
> No idea if he has a job. He was extremely cheap and I paid not only for my appetizer and drinks but two pitchers of beer for him as well....yeah guess I'm a sucker.
> 
> Really getting sick of the losers.


When the bill came, we were asked if it was together or separate. I asked her if she was okay with me paying for it all. She said she didn't mind paying for herself and I said I'd like to cover it.

We then talked for another 45 minutes and as we left she offered to cover the tip. Which I thought was great.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> POF it seems....
> 
> No idea if he has a job. He was extremely cheap and I paid not only for my appetizer and drinks but two pitchers of beer for him as well....yeah guess I'm a sucker.
> 
> Really getting sick of the losers.


Whaaaaaaat? no way....how did that happen?

I know im prob going to get my a$$ kicked on here for this but I have never ever paid for anything on a first date.... I will offer to split at the end to be polite but never even been taken up on it...


----------



## vi_bride04

I could be a sugar mamma


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> POF it seems....
> 
> No idea if he has a job. He was extremely cheap and I paid not only for my appetizer and drinks but two pitchers of beer for him as well....yeah guess I'm a sucker.
> 
> Really getting sick of the losers.


I wouldn't go out with him again. Not based on the paying, but everything else--nothing seems attractive about him.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I could be a sugar mamma


Yea i could too... in fact I was in my marriage lol... that worked out GREAT for me...ahhhahahahahahahahhahaha:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I wouldn't go out with him again. Not based on the paying, but everything else--nothing seems attractive about him.


No - for being 33 he has the maturity of a 22 yr old. Not attractive at all.

If I wanted a 22yr old mindset I would go the sugar mamma route!!! LMAO


----------



## Jellybeans

I haVe never been a sugar mama and never will be. hahaha. The entire idea turns me off.

I DID however date one guy who seemed to never have a job though. He said his first jobs' contracts were falling off and slowly with time it became clear he hardly ever worked or he'd start projects and then start something else and couldn't concentrate on anything fully or something. It turned me off immensely. I am not at all into men who aren't busy with their work/career/something. Too available because of non-involvement in job/hobby/passion = yuck to me.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I could be a sugar mamma


First. FIRST!!!! 

You all heard her. Nobody else better sign up!:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

.....and at least the younger ones would be able to get and keep an erection....!

bah my luck as just been stupid the past 6 months


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> .....and at least the younger ones would be able to get and keep an erection....!


:rofl:

Oh dear. This reminds me of a guy I was seeing for a few months who had problems, um, with that. It was horrible because I'd not gotten action in so long and I wanted to cry. Another reason it didn't go very far...lol


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Or better boundaries.


Well as most of you know I have terrible boundaries. I would have done many bad things if some of you had not smacked my hand lol



vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Yup. Wouldn't matter if you had a GF, if you have poor boundaries whats stopping you and your ex hooking up even with a GF??


No I am not a cheater. Period.
Now if said GF wanted to go 3way route, well that's a different story...



Pbartender said:


> And just how, exactly, is that supposed to fix the problem?


I am really a one woman man, those players that have all this tail out there to hookup with I just don't have the patience for that ****. I have a life other then getting it on.
And again I am not a cheater.



vi_bride04 said:


> POF it seems....
> 
> No idea if he has a job. He was extremely cheap and I paid not only for my appetizer and drinks but two pitchers of beer for him as well....yeah guess I'm a sucker.
> 
> Really getting sick of the losers.


Wow the nerve. I would think very low of myself if a date paid for my stuff. If I didn't have enough money to pay for dinner on a date I would not be dating I would be working. WTF is wrong with some dudes?!



unsure78 said:


> Whaaaaaaat? no way....how did that happen?
> 
> I know im prob going to get my a$$ kicked on here for this but I have never ever paid for anything on a first date.... I will offer to split at the end to be polite but never even been taken up on it...


Sounds perfectly appropriate to me. 
Call me old fashioned but here is how I see dating...I be a man you be a woman and we get to know each other.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> .....and at least the younger ones would be able to get and keep an erection....!


Damn right I am! 

Oh, you mean in the future? I guess I could relax for a while first. No. Wait. Shampoo commercial. It's going to be a fun day!:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Well as most of you know *I have terrible boundaries.* I would have done many bad things if some of you had not smacked my hand lol
> 
> 
> 
> *No I am not a cheater.* Period.
> Now if said GF wanted to go 3way route, well that's a different story...


IMO - having horrible boundaries is just a few steps away from opening the door to cheating. Something to keep in mind. Work on your boundaries....!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Oh dear. This reminds me of a guy I was seeing for a few months who had problems, um, with that. It was horrible because I'd not gotten action in so long and I wanted to cry. Another reason it didn't go very far...lol


yea im worried about running into this as ive been starting to date the over 40 set


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> If I didn't have enough money to pay for dinner on a date I would not be dating I would be working.


BEST QUOTE OF THE DAY... nicely put Another


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Well as most of you know I have terrible boundaries.


I know very little about you, just what I've picked up reading a few of your posts. 

Xoxo.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Im not talking about the sex... but hes already fixing the brakes on your car? to me thats something a bf does, not someone ive seen 2(? not sure how many you have seen him) times... and you were saying how amazing he is but he hasn't proven it yet...
> 
> ( again take me with a grain of salt, it may just be my current perspective--- and i dont want you getting hurt 3x... you my girl!)


The act of sex is a go but letting him work on her car is just too intimate??


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> .....and *at least the younger ones would be able to get and keep an erection*....!
> 
> bah my luck as just been stupid the past 6 months


Hey hey now, some of us older guys do just fine


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> The act of sex is a go but letting him work on her car is just too intimate??


sometimes sex is just sex, even for a woman....


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> yea im worried about running into this as ive been starting to date the over 40 set


He was barely 30.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> sometimes sex is just sex, even for a woman....


Sometimes replacing brakes on a car is just replacing brakes, a lot of men enjoy the activity as well as the rewarding feeling of seeing a pleased pretty lady Otherwise, everyone should just take care of their own brakes


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Im not talking about the sex... but hes already fixing the brakes on your car? to me thats something a bf does, not someone ive seen 2(? not sure how many you have seen him) times... and you were saying how amazing he is but he hasn't proven it yet...
> 
> ( again take me with a grain of salt, it may just be my current perspective--- and i dont want you getting hurt 3x... you my girl!)


Thanks for being my mama bear!  But really...he offered to do it when I was talking about how I needed to get them worked on. Trust me, it surprised the crap out of me that he offered, but if he is willing to do the work for me, it will save me a ton of money. If he is comfortable with it, then why not? And dude, if he wants to be my bf, I'm up for that! :smthumbup: Doesnt mean we have to get married next week, lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> yea im worried about running into this as ive been starting to date the over 40 set


Unsure, I have yet to be with a 40+ who has had an issue!


----------



## Jellybeans

I wish someone would change the oil in my car.

And no, that is not a sex euphamism.

Although it could be.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> The act of sex is a go but letting him work on her car is just too intimate??


This made me :rofl:


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> I wish someone would change the oil in my car.
> 
> And no, that is not a sex euphamism.
> 
> Although it could be.


If you lived near me I'd change the oil in your car (literally) just because 1) I enjoy doing oil changes, 2) I enjoy helping people that I think would appreciate my help.

That offer goes to anyone on TAM who is within driving distance


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> Sometimes replacing brakes on a car is just replacing brakes, a lot of men enjoy the activity as well as the rewarding feeling of seeing a pleased pretty lady Otherwise, everyone should just take care of their own brakes


A lot of men enjoy replacing brakes??????? Dude, I enjoy working on stuff, but replacing brakes sucks. Now, the reward could be worth it. BUT, the activity? lol


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Sometimes replacing brakes on a car is just replacing brakes, a lot of men enjoy the activity as well as the rewarding feeling of seeing a pleased pretty lady Otherwise, everyone should just take care of their own brakes


touche Lon, touche 



(and for the record I did have killer carry some of my christmas stuff that was in a giant rubbermaid up from my basement) hmm perhaps im hypocritical...lol

(oh and might be asking SA to lift my backup sump pump battery for me this weekend).... [email protected] im bad..hahahahahahaha


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> The act of sex is a go but letting him work on her car is just too intimate??


:rofl::rofl::rofl::smthumbup:

You guys are awesome.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> If you lived near me I'd change the oil in your car (literally) just because 1) I enjoy doing oil changes, 2) I enjoy helping people that I think would appreciate my help.
> 
> That offer goes to anyone on TAM who is within driving distance


Thanks! It's the thought that counts!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> A lot of men enjoy replacing brakes??????? Dude, I enjoy working on stuff, but replacing brakes sucks. Now, the reward could be worth it. BUT, the activity? lol


I've only done a couple and agree it is a pain, nothing like seized up calipers to infuriate a novice backyard mechanic. The reward was completing the task. I would only do it for someone else again if the person I was doing it for appreciated it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> A lot of men enjoy replacing brakes??????? Dude, I enjoy working on stuff, but* replacing brakes sucks. * Now, the reward could be worth it. BUT, the activity? lol


Oh MAN, now I'm feeling kinda guilty!


----------



## doureallycare2

Lon said:


> I have said something very similar with two different women I've been in relationships with, in both times there was complete truth to it and it was meant as both a compliment and a line to set the tone for the kind of communication I wanted to initiate about the state of the relationship. Similar to when a kitten purrs, for me it a simply a signal that I like where I was at.


I agree with this statement regarding the "line". I used it also but it was sincere. I did feel more comfortable with the guy than anyone else I had dated and I was setting the stage for a conversation about how the relationship. However I will also state, comfort didn’t mean mind blowing attraction. More like I saw him as a comfortable teddy bear. The guys I really thought were sexy I was very nervous with..


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> touche Lon, touche
> 
> 
> 
> (and for the record I did have killer carry some of my christmas stuff that was in a giant rubbermaid up from my basement) hmm perhaps im hypocritical...lol
> 
> (oh and might be asking SA to lift my backup sump pump battery for me this weekend).... [email protected] im bad..hahahahahahaha


Well, quite frankly, that isn't big project type stuff. I'm more than happy to do things like that. In fact, I have tried with my gf to do more things for her, BUT, she starts with "are you a HVAC person?" "Are you a plumber?" Blah, blah, blah. The real reason for her doing that is she would rather me spend my time having fun with her than doing things for her. It's a very interesting environment and an entire contrast to my ex.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



doureallycare2 said:


> I agree with this statement regarding the "line". I used it also but it was sincere. I did feel more comfortable with the guy than anyone else I had dated and I was setting the stage for a conversation about how the relationship. However I will also state, comfort didn’t mean mind blowing attraction. More like I saw him as a comfortable teddy bear. The guys I really thought were sexy I was very nervous with..


Yes I agree, this line is not intended to initiate sexual activity, but for me the acceptance of my words have helped me get over the paralysis keeping me from making a move. I too am nervous around sexy women and usually need whatever tool is at my disposal in order to connect. For me my tool of choice tends to be brutal honesty.


----------



## Another Planet

In my line of work fixing stuff is constant. I have way to much equipment so I swear that is half of my job.
We replace transmissions and motors on vehicles all the time...although I haven't done anything major in about a year(knock on wood) I do have a new 454 engine to put into my dump truck probably this spring.
Brakes happen at least yearly, and I have 4 vehicles to do them on.
Spent yesterday replacing transmission lines on my dump truck, replaced a blown hydraulic line on one of my pickups today. Oh yeah and yesterday I did an oil change on exes van, hence why she was here sharing a beer with me.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> In my line of work fixing stuff is constant. I have way to much equipment so I swear that is half of my job.
> We replace transmissions and motors on vehicles all the time...although I haven't done anything major in about a year(knock on wood) I do have a new 454 engine to put into my dump truck probably this spring.
> Brakes happen at least yearly, and I have 4 vehicles to do them on.
> Spent yesterday replacing transmission lines on my dump truck, replaced a blown hydraulic line on one of my pickups today. Oh yeah and yesterday I did an oil change on exes van, hence why she was here sharing a beer with me.


Am I the only one finding this sexy??


----------



## Lon

3Xnocharm said:


> Am I the only one finding this sexy??


You fell for the "I have way too much equipment" line?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> You fell for the "I have way too much equipment" line?


HAHA! No! Just kind of a weakness for men who work with their hands...


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well, quite frankly, that isn't big project type stuff. I'm more than happy to do things like that. In fact, I have tried with my gf to do more things for her, BUT, she starts with "are you a HVAC person?" "Are you a plumber?" Blah, blah, blah. The real reason for her doing that is she would rather me spend my time having fun with her than doing things for her. It's a very interesting environment and an entire contrast to my ex.


yea i wont ask for big stuff just more like lifting stuff... the engy and i replaced my water heater together but we had been together for like over 6 months...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well, quite frankly, that isn't big project type stuff. I'm more than happy to do things like that. In fact, I have tried with my gf to do more things for her, BUT, she starts with "are you a HVAC person?" "Are you a plumber?" Blah, blah, blah. The real reason for her doing that is she would rather me spend my time having fun with her than doing things for her. It's a very interesting environment and an entire contrast to my ex.


That's exactly how I feel. The way I see it, I have limited amounts of time I can spend with my boyfriend. Why would I want to waste that time doing stuff around the house that I can just have a professional come and do it in half the time, considerably less mess and less chance of it not being done correctly after all? I genuinely appreciate when he does things I don't like to do and can't always get someone in to do right away, like shoveling driveways or changing lightbulbs that I need a ladder to do....but ultimately, I don't want to be a chore, I want to be the funnest part of his week!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> HAHA! No! Just kind of a weakness for men who work with their hands...


I guess operating a multi-channeled pipette, or transforming competent E. coli, or making transgenic lines of human cell lines and zebrafish does not count


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> I guess operating a multi-channeled pipette, or transforming competent E. coli, or making transgenic lines of human cell lines and zebrafish does not count


Depends on how heavy the containers those things all go into are.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> In my line of work fixing stuff is constant. I have way to much equipment so I swear that is half of my job.
> We replace transmissions and motors on vehicles all the time...although I haven't done anything major in about a year(knock on wood) I do have a new 454 engine to put into my dump truck probably this spring.
> Brakes happen at least yearly, and I have 4 vehicles to do them on.
> Spent yesterday replacing transmission lines on my dump truck, replaced a blown hydraulic line on one of my pickups today. Oh yeah and yesterday I did an oil change on exes van, hence why she was here sharing a beer with me.


I love big strong hands....


----------



## Another Planet

3xnocharm said:


> am i the only one finding this sexy??


 



lon said:


> you fell for the "i have way too much equipment" line?


lol


----------



## Ikaika

Advice for single guys: There are no groupies at scientific conferences and colloquia. Find another profession


----------



## jdlash

drerio said:


> Advice for single guys: There are no groupies at scientific conferences and colloquia. Find another profession


I know your just joking, but shallow women like money too and I'm sure your profession makes plenty of that!


----------



## Another Planet

jdlash said:


> I know your just joking, but *shallow* women like money too and I'm sure your profession makes plenty of that!


What did you say!?! You don't really mean that right? 
So a woman is shallow when they like a man for his qualities?


----------



## unsure78

ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

drerio said:


> Advice for single guys: There are no groupies at scientific conferences and colloquia. Find another profession


Oh, there are plenty of science-geek groupies out there... You just won't find them at colloquia.


----------



## vi_bride04

I like nerds...!

mmmm brains


----------



## Another Planet

My best buddy and his wife are total nerds and love ComiCon and the Renaissance Fair. Both events large groups of them rent out whole floors of hotels and it is a giant drunken orgy.


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> My best buddy and his wife are total nerds and love ComiCon and the Renaissance Fair. Both events large groups of them rent out whole floors of hotels and it is a giant drunken orgy.


Yep... GenCon, and the like are not so different.

And the great thing is, so long as you aren't an asocial, unemployed, mother's basement dwelling neckbeard, who smells of cat piss and corn chips, you're already miles ahead of all the other competition.

:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> My best buddy and his wife are total nerds and love ComiCon and the Renaissance Fair. Both events large groups of them rent out whole floors of hotels and it is a giant drunken orgy.


I dress up for RenFest and would for a convention too. I love costumes!!! 

I should post my RenFest outfit in my album, its awesome and one of my "treat yo self" moments this year

ETA: posted


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I dress up for RenFest and would for a convention too. I love costumes!!!
> 
> I should post my RenFest outfit in my album, its awesome and one of my "treat yo self" moments this year


ive seen it before... its very boobalicious 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> I dress up for RenFest and would for a convention too. I love costumes!!!
> 
> I should post my RenFest outfit in my album, its awesome and one of my "treat yo self" moments this year


One of these years, I'm going to get an puffy orange vest for S15, and I'm going to fluff up my hair and dig out my old lab coat... So he and I can go to the local Ren Faire as Marty McFly and Doc Brown.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> ive seen it before... its very boobalicious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks!!! Not to toot my horn...ok well yeah I am......I have amazing boobs....I mean I got a "look at my boobies" tattoo when I was 18 LMAO


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> One of these years, I'm going to get an puffy orange vest for S15, and I'm going to fluff up my hair and dig out my old lab coat... So he and I can go to the local Ren Faire as Marty McFly and Doc Brown.


Holy sh!t I need to see this. What a great idea for a costume. 

I bought the entire BttF series on blu ray. I highly highly reccommend it. Looks amazing - they did an amazing job cleaning it up digitally.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Alice Cooper, hellz yeah! I've got everything he's ever done on my computer.
> 
> Have you heard this one yet? Alice Cooper - Sex, Death and Money (B.I.B) - YouTube


Fk yea , legend. Welcome to my nightmare was the first officially legit and paid for concert l ever went to .
We use to jump fences and watch other bands from up in trees from outside the fences before that one. The main venue for top bands was in this big park bowl . Lots of big trees so you could pearch up in those from out side the fence and see it for free. Always a bit dicey once you started to get drunk though haha, sitten up in trees and all. 
But that one was in a big hall and l had to pay for the first time , to get in damn it. Worth every penny though .


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I love big strong hands....


 As a man with relatively small hands, I'll add that most women must. I've always thought I have nice hands, I like them, same with my feet, but I've never once received a compliment on them.


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> As a man with relatively small hands, I'll add that most women must. I've always thought I have nice have, I like them, same with my feet, but I've never once received a compliment on them.



When I was in HS, I so wanted to play the guitar but my hands and fingers were too big. My best friend, who could shred on his Fender, taught me how to play the bass. Soon after we found a drummer, keyboard player and singer. The rest was history... 38+ years later, I have embraced playing the bass.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> When I was in HS, I so wanted to play the guitar but my hands and fingers were too big. My best friend, who could shred on his Fender, taught me how to play the bass. Soon after we found a drummer, keyboard player and singer. The rest was history... 38+ years later, I have embraced playing the bass.


My smallish fingers do make playing some tricky chords possible on my 6 string (while others a little more difficult). I also did a full battery aptitude test once and scored in the top one percentile for digital dexterity (on both hands). There is a lot of fine things I can do with these little hands.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> When I was in HS, I so wanted to play the guitar but my hands and fingers were too big. My best friend, who could shred on his Fender, taught me how to play the bass. Soon after we found a drummer, keyboard player and singer. The rest was history... 38+ years later, I have embraced playing the bass.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz8uzuJxufo&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I am getting myself in trouble with my ex wife again. It's like a run away train I swear.
> Drinking a beer together and getting kind of flirty, I told her she has to leave before something happens. So I sent her packing.
> When she gets home she calls and asks what happened so I told her I don't want to hurt anyone. That it wouldn't be serious and I am actively seeking other women and that I am currently talking with one right now that seems promising, she says she doesn't care and that it is a turn on.....lol oh ****. She said if I would have made any move it would have been on.
> So that leads to some strange conversation and sexting. Talk about toys, porn, and how we get off if we aren't seeing anyone, then discussing getting her a new vibrator for her birthday and taking pics and sharing a girlfriend.....
> I am so frkn weird ugh


Hell no , what a cycle to get caught up in. Unless l was hoping to R with her , l couldn't touch this one , ahh , so to speak.

How are you gonna move on mentally having ex's fkg round like that . That'd all fk with my head too much for me.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz8uzuJxufo&feature=youtube_gdata_player



:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> yea im worried about running into this as ive been starting to date the over 40 set


Ahh , that's more often than not nothing to do with stuff like that. l've talked to or hear most guys over the yrs , l am myself or even a lot much older even 70s firing better than ever. 
Ever think that it could be her. There aren't many women in their later 30s and older with very good bodies. And theer's also personality traits and ways they develop with age to that either turn you on of off. lf she still look even 1/2 as good as she did 10 or 20 yrs ago she's one of the few lucky ones. Most women are pretty clueless as to what makes a guys turn on click and the finer points physically that will still turn on or of guys. You usually hear talk like , of l'm not bad for my age , l'm this or l'm that but hey that's coming from her mind and her girlfriends , not a guys , not honestly and into the fine print anyway. Truth is , a guys turn on,m well it is about a lot of other stuff too but it's also very animal, she should drive him crazy. 

l think in marriage and stuff , it becomes about love and feelings , respect for each other that can keep a sex life going as you both age and lose your looks. But in a dating situation at that age , you have none of that , you don't even know each other so it has to be about turn on and so if there's not enough of that , can get tricky.We're talking turn on , like it was with a gf in her teens or 20s back when. She'd be just pure drive you fkg crazy, insane, animal turn on , not just a little bit . That's what they use to do to me and they still can but how do you find that in their 40s. lt's not realistic to expect it anywhere even ball park unless she's in about that rare 5 or 10%

Hell l'm worried sick about meeting someone new that can turn me on even 50% of that. With my wife there was 18yrs of feelings for her to fill in those bumpy bits later on. And she was one of the hottest girls you'd ever see when she was younger so that plays ahuge part in it too when you love someone but now there'll be none of that, just physical. But seeing what's out there now or someone that can do it for me , pretty tall order l'm finding.
l am gaining some hope as l've occasionally seen someone here and there that will so it's given me hope . But hey , that doesn't mean a new love is gonna have it so , it's back to worrying.


----------



## Pbartender

Lon said:


> As a man with relatively small hands, I'll add that most women must. I've always thought I have nice hands, I like them, same with my feet, but I've never once received a compliment on them.





drerio said:


> When I was in HS, I so wanted to play the guitar but my hands and fingers were too big. My best friend, who could shred on his Fender, taught me how to play the bass.


That's the nice thing about being a trumpet player... Strong lips and a nimble tongue.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Hell no , what a cycle to get caught up in. Unless l was hoping to R with her , l couldn't touch this one , ahh , so to speak.
> 
> How are you gonna move on mentally having ex's fkg round like that . That'd all fk with my head too much for me.


Yeah I don't really think she understands the implications. I don't want to be with her in any long term engagement, I tried to be very clear about that also...:scratchhead:
I have a strange feeling I am going to be receiving some "naughty pictures" tonight :/


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Ahh , that's more often than not nothing to do with stuff like that. l've talked to or hear most guys over the yrs , l am myself or even a lot much older even 70s firing better than ever.
> Ever think that it could be her. There aren't many women in their later 30s and older with very good bodies. And theer's also personality traits and ways they develop with age to that either turn you on of off. lf she still look even 1/2 as good as she did 10 or 20 yrs ago she's one of the few lucky ones. Most women are pretty clueless as to what makes a guys turn on click and the finer points physically that will still turn on or of guys. You usually hear talk like , of l'm not bad for my age , l'm this or l'm that but hey that's coming from her mind and her girlfriends , not a guys , not honestly and into the fine print anyway. Truth is , a guys turn on,m well it is about a lot of other stuff too but it's also very animal, she should drive him crazy.
> 
> l think in marriage and stuff , it becomes about love and feelings , respect for each other that can keep a sex life going as you both age and lose your looks. But in a dating situation at that age , you have none of that , you don't even know each other so it has to be about turn on and so if there's not enough of that , can get tricky.We're talking turn on , like it was with a gf in her teens or 20s back when. She'd be just pure drive you fkg crazy, insane, animal turn on , not just a little bit . That's what they use to do to me and they still can but how do you find that in their 40s. lt's not realistic to expect it anywhere even ball park unless she's in about that rare 5 or 10%
> 
> Hell l'm worried sick about meeting someone new that can turn me on even 50% of that. With my wife there was 18yrs of feelings for her to fill in those bumpy bits later on. And she was one of the hottest girls you'd ever see when she was younger so that plays ahuge part in it too when you love someone but now there'll be none of that, just physical. But seeing what's out there now or someone that can do it for me , pretty tall order l'm finding.
> l am gaining some hope as l've occasionally seen someone here and there that will so it's given me hope . But hey , that doesn't mean a new love is gonna have it so , it's back to worrying.



ok whitehawk ill bite... as a 35yr old who is about to be 36 very soon... what makes a guy turn on or click?

i was recently told by a date that guys evaluate face, t and a...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

If you REALLY don't want them you could block her number for tonight

But thats too easy


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> If you REALLY don't want them you could block her number for tonight
> 
> But thats too easy


I never said I didn't want any naughty pics sent to me tonight


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I never said I didn't want any naughty pics sent to me tonight


Then stop whining about having bad boundaries with your ex


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> ok whitehawk ill bite... as a 35yr old who is about to be 36 very soon... what makes a guy turn on or click?
> 
> *i was recently told by a date that guys evaluate face, t and a...*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Horse ****! Not all, maybe "*SHALLOW*" guys do 
Every person has positive qualities it is just whether you can appreciate those qualities or not.


----------



## jdlash

Another Planet said:


> What did you say!?! You don't really mean that right?
> So a woman is shallow when they like a man for his qualities?


I really didn't put much thought into my post, so sorry...... It was more of a joke then anything 

If I really meant it, then I'd be extremely shallow. I won't date anyone if they don't have there **** together. The job a women has and what they've done for themselves is pretty much one of my first criteria in even determining if I'd go out on a date with them


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Then stop whining about having bad boundaries with your ex


lol Did I come off as whiny?


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm just sayin - your post earlier about drinking beer with her and such and boundaries and whatnot...you seemed conflicted.

Yet you just keep putting yourself in situations where the boundaries will be crossed with her. So when they get REALLY crossed, don't be surprised

If you didn't want that to happen, you wouldn't continue the tempting situations 

Actions


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> ok whitehawk ill bite... as a 35yr old who is about to be 36 very soon... what makes a guy turn on or click?


That depends greatly on the guy.

So then, the question becomes... What kind of guy do you want to turn on?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> ok whitehawk ill bite... as a 35yr old who is about to be 36 very soon... what makes a guy turn on or click?
> 
> i was recently told by a date that guys evaluate face, t and a...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smile, eyes, the brightness of her face, her body language as she talks (telling me if she is a happy person or negative), the shape of her waist moving down to the hips, [email protected]@ (of course to see if she works out), and her laugh. Covers the initial attraction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

My laugh is loud and obnoxious, it probably scares guys away LOL


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> My laugh is loud and obnoxious, it probably scares guys away LOL


Nah, there is a certain amount of vulnerability and genuineness you can tell about a girl by her laugh when you first meet her. It's hard to explain. Loud and obnoxious is actually a good thing in my evaluation.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm just sayin - your post earlier about drinking beer with her and such and boundaries and whatnot...you seemed conflicted.
> 
> Yet you just keep putting yourself in situations where the boundaries will be crossed with her. So when they get REALLY crossed, don't be surprised
> 
> If you didn't want that to happen, you wouldn't continue the tempting situations
> 
> Actions


Hmmm...
Your analysis of my posts say more about you then me. 
I'm not saying that negatively by any means so please don't think that.
My ex is cool to hang out and have a beer and conversation sometimes, we obviously have something still. If we mess around I just don't want her to get any ideas that we are exclusive. Trying to make that clear I guess. I get bored sometimes and need some interesting company, you are more then welcome to come down and keep me company vi....


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Hmmm...
> Your analysis of my posts say more about you then me.
> I'm not saying that negatively by any means so please don't think that.
> My ex is cool to hang out and have a beer and conversation sometimes, we obviously have something still. If we mess around I just don't want her to get any ideas that we are exclusive. Trying to make that clear I guess. I get bored sometimes and need some interesting company, you are more then welcome to come down and keep me company vi....


I do love to travel LOL 

So what exactly do my posts about me? I'm curious.


----------



## whitehawk

There's another angle to guys too. it'll sound totally contradictory in ways but hey , that's the human species , full of them.
But often guys need both too. lf you don't feel quite right to him he might not feel quite right about going for it.
Like once , l was 22-3 , we fell into this party crowd , girls were just layed on , everywhere ! dozens and dozens of them, 100s actually.

Well the best looking one of the lot , l mean most of the guys would kill to her she was incredible looking , hod the hots for me. That's just how it goes it's often just something , you just like someone or they you.
But l was going with one of the others for awhile , l did always like this other one though . later l split with mine and one night after a party l got with her . Well , in all honesty , l just couldn't believe that this creature was in here laying down with me , diving down my jeans , me her, l mean she was a creature, a thing , just this incredible looking mind boggling beauty thing .

Guess what , nothing happened , l just couldn't get into her. Her aggression turned me right off , she was a little bit drunk still that turned me off and just her way or the way she was that night in general , just turned me off.

l never heard anything but l'd swear 100s of people must've heard hawk had her and didn't go for it - her , wtf !
But hey , just how it can go.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I do love to travel LOL
> 
> So what exactly do my posts about me? I'm curious.


You wouldn't be traveling much lol. Didn't you say you're in Genesee county? I'm just below you in Livingston county, so 30min about.

Your posts? I would rather not post judgements. Why because some people take them to seriously, I appreciate people for who they are. A lot of people can't and you are a good person


----------



## vi_bride04

Maybe we should discuss over coffee or something...been to the auto show yet?


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> ok whitehawk ill bite... as a 35yr old who is about to be 36 very soon... what makes a guy turn on or click?
> 
> i was recently told by a date that guys evaluate face, t and a...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh no look l didn't mean it in that way at all but that's the thing , explaining this stuff is very awkward and guys will usually much rather avoid it all together even though girls don't.

But a really tough question , guess we all like different things and then even if you get those there are personality traits or her ways that can still turn you right on or off, like one l just wrote about.

But a lot of guys are leggie crazy , others are ass , face , lips , boobs or all of them and much more- personality things, ways.
Personally l love the ass and someone that looks great in jeans . But other times l could just really like a girls face and l just wanna . A nice mouth and lips really kills me. 
But not those stupid bloated up things all the actresses are getting now , they look ridiculous.

ps , Someone asked in the mens clubhouse to but there was no easy one answer , it went of for miles. Same for the girls to though l guess .


----------



## whitehawk

I have a real thing for cute little shoulders too , just lovem.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Maybe we should discuss over coffee or something...been to the auto show yet?


Maybe we should 
No I love the auto show but this is my very busy season.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Hmmm...
> Your analysis of my posts say more about you then me.
> I'm not saying that negatively by any means so please don't think that.
> My ex is cool to hang out and have a beer and conversation sometimes, we obviously have something still. If we mess around I just don't want her to get any ideas that we are exclusive. Trying to make that clear I guess. I get bored sometimes and need some interesting company, you are more then welcome to come down and keep me company vi....



Which ex is it btw , wasn't there 4?

Anyway , it would really head fk me . Strange one though , sometimes l think my ex might be heading that way with me lately . Nothing solid to go on though really , maybe not.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Maybe we should
> No I love the auto show but this is my very busy season.


I've never been  And I love hot cars...I was going to make it a point to go this year.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Which ex is it btw , wasn't there 4?
> 
> Anyway , it would really head fk me . Strange one though , sometimes l think my ex might be heading that way with me lately . Nothing solid to go on though really , maybe not.


Ex wife. Others were GF's. 
It is head fk'n me for sure. I'm fine doing the single thing but if I am with someone serious the rest gets cut off with a razor blade....I'm all in done serious.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I've never been  And I love hot cars...I was going to make it a point to go this year.


Never been?!.....I hate making promises in the winter because I don't want to break them but if I'm going I'll let you know


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Never been?!.....I hate making promises in the winter because I don't want to break them but if I'm going I'll let you know


Im spontaneous and would go during the week too.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Im spontaneous and would go during the week too.


lol OK I'll let you know. I had no plans to but if I have company...


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> lol OK I'll let you know. I had no plans to but if I have company...


you two go get a room....lol haha 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

drerio said:


> Advice for single guys: There are no groupies at scientific conferences and colloquia. Find another profession


Ohhhh, I disagree with this one.

There are PLENTY of groupies in academia. 

Case in point: My ex-husband....who left me for his 'groupie' graduate student.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> lol OK I'll let you know. I had no plans to but if I have company...


I'm good company


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> you two go get a room....lol haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol 



vi_bride04 said:


> I'm good company


I'll let you know


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Hmmm...
> My ex is cool to hang out and have a beer and conversation sometimes, we obviously have something still. *If we mess around I just don't want her to get any ideas that we are exclusive. Trying to make that clear I guess*. I get bored sometimes and need some interesting company, you are more then welcome to come down and keep me company vi....


Then tell her, point blank.

"Ex, we obviously have something still but if we mess around I do not want you thinking/getting ideas that we are exclusive. I am seeing other women (maybe even vi_bride)." 

It's best to be clear and honest.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> you two go get a room....lol haha


Well, there's more snow forecast through the week... Maybe he can clear her driveway for her.

"Call Mr. Plow! That's my name... That name again, is Mr. Plow!"


----------



## Another Planet

OMG I love this thread, you guys are awesome


----------



## Jellybeans

Group hug, everyone!


----------



## Ikaika

jpr said:


> Ohhhh, I disagree with this one.
> 
> 
> 
> There are PLENTY of groupies in academia.
> 
> 
> 
> Case in point: My ex-husband....who left me for his 'groupie' graduate student.



I know those kind of profs, ewwww. My students view me as the enemy .


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh I had one OLD professor who was completely infatuated with me. Always called me after to class to stay to discuss a paper and told me to come to his office hours, inviting me out to lunch and whatnot. He had a rep on campus for being a flirt.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I had one OLD professor who was completely infatuated with me. Always called me after to class to stay to discuss a paper and told me to come to his office hours, inviting me out to lunch and whatnot. He had a rep on campus for being a flirt.


Creeepy.


----------



## Jellybeans

He was married, too.

And had at least 35-40ish yrs on me. And he was very charismatic. At the time I was a little flattered, this hot, intellectual, well-read, handsome doctor man seemed to like me. Looking back though, creepy.


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I had one OLD professor who was completely infatuated with me.


I know this pain and it's glorious!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I had one OLD professor who was completely infatuated with me. Always called me after to class to stay to discuss a paper and told me to come to his office hours, inviting me out to lunch and whatnot. He had a rep on campus for being a flirt.



There is always that 'one'. My office desk has a box of Kleenex, not very lecherous or creepy.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Creeepy.


In high school we had a creeper teacher that thought he was charming, a lot of the boys thought he was cool and witty, most of the girls were uncomfortable. I may have been the only guy in the class that detected the inappropriate leers and discreet little misogynistic cut downs. He was not just a (bad) flirt, turns out he was a molester.


----------



## Ikaika

I had a female student walk in my office, close the door and lean over with her "goods" practically falling out. I got up opened my door asked her to sit and gave her my jacket. Whatever she was trying to accomplish did not work, she failed my course. 

Oh the stories.


----------



## Jellybeans

Drerio--not to mention that put yo uin a super uncomfortable position! Wow. People are nuts.

I was always kind of a bad flirt anyway so even if flirting with anyone it never seems to go over well. Hence, my last story here on Singles... LOL. Like I think I am so cool and... yeah maybe I am a dork.



Lon said:


> He was not just a (bad) flirt, turns out he was a molester.


WOW!


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Group hug, everyone!


Is that supposed to be Jesus?


----------



## Another Planet

I am getting tired of the email dating, can I ask this girl out yet? It's 1-2 emails per day now and I'm getting bored. 
The thing is she's new on Match and I've been on for like 4-5 months and already done the whole message a bunch get comfortable then exchange numbers then maybe meet up stuff over and over.....
Last girl I thought was comfortable enough and I thought we were getting along after 10+ emails and was starting to get bored I was just like here's my number lets move this along then she blocked me lol. 
I don't want that to happen again but this is soooo boring, I need something more then email, even texting these girls is getting boring. I need something more to keep my attention.....
I know it's different for women on these dating sites with the mass of attention and all the **** they have to deal with.
If I ask her to meet for coffee or lunch is that to soon? I am losing my interest in this whole thing.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Is that supposed to be Jesus?


No - its the creepy molester teacher!


----------



## angelpixie

When I was still trying to do the online dating thing, I made the mistake of spending too much time on messaging before meeting the guy. They never turned out as charming IRL as they were online. I would prefer to meet sooner rather than later. I don't want to invest time/energy/hope, lol, and have it be wasted. 

I'd ask her out for a coffee.


----------



## Lon

If you don't like dating from behind a keyboard, why are you doing online dating  if it is already boring and you haven't even met her in person yet, you will probably not be interested in real life either. Ask her just one time to meet up and then don't reply until she gives you a yes or no answer. (Disclaimer: i had pi5s poor luck online dating so my advice is not borne out of positive experience)


----------



## Another Planet

In retrospect I have actually thoroughly enjoyed it for the most part. Kind of lets you sort through a lot of that first stage ****. I have lost track of how many I have talked with now, probably hundreds. I have only met with a few though because well we figure out it won't work before hand. 
I've watched some profiles come and go and then come back again lol
I've caught cheaters, talked girls through thoughts of suicide, convinced some they shouldn't be dating yet, discussed drug addictions and alcohol dependency, it's kind of like being here on TAM lol

If I am at this stage with her it is because I am interested in more and she stands out to me.
With in a week I will probably ask her out and end up giving her my number and telling her that when she is ready she can call/text and be done with it.


----------



## doureallycare2

ok so here is a dating question, scenario for you all.. I haven’t been totally up front here. I’ve mentioned my tall guy right and how we seem to have a great relationship... however it’s still pretty casual with him just starting to step it up.
I was also seeing a couple of other guys still.. it’s really weird I never saw myself as the type that would multi date. One of the other guys turned into a physical relationship very quickly but I honestly didn’t feel an attraction, more that he was safe and sweet. Lost his wife in April and he was lonely and I didn’t know where my tall guy stood (barley held my hand) so I basically started letting myself get attached to the widower. He did not know I was seeing anyone else. My tall guy did know I was seeing others as he was not willing to commit to exclusive dating until we got to know each other better. Widower wanted to be exclusive right from the bat and although I never said I was I certainly led him to believe I agreed.

Widower told me he was falling in love with me several times and was exclusive. Please know this was all as confusing to me as it sounds here.. I think I was basically being a cake eater but didn’t want that roll. I kept going back and forth to try and make a decision of who I was going to try and make it work with. My friends said it was ok to take my time and date two but I felt I wasn’t being honest. I wanted the comfort of a physical relationship with someone that said they loved me but the security of the other guys that was going slow and wanted to get to know me better in case widower didn’t work out)

anyways:
Widower and I were really starting to get very into a relationship and I was ready to tell tall guy he was not the one for me around thanksgiving. the widower has a 19 year old daughter with bi-polar (and very spoiled also). Her parents had her late in life using invetro. She was away to college and that’s when are relationship became intimate (beginning of November). I stayed for a week at his house and made excuses to tall guy why I couldn’t see him. Then widower would come to my place also. For about a month we were inseparable. When I was sick he brought soup to my work. He called and texted every day.ect ect. Right before Christmas his daughter decided to switch collages and stay at home while going to a local college.. All of a sudden I was not getting to see him and the calls became less frequent. (He did tell me this would be a problem for him because of how volatile she was) I tried to be understanding knowing this was the first Christmas with her mom and him with out his wife. But he didn’t even text me on Christmas day!
Meanwhile tall guy stepped up to the plate. Wanted to become exclusive, wanted to see me on any free days. so I start seeing him more, trying to judge if he's a better fit for me...( I think he is but still feel very strong affection for widower.) Widower cancelled out new year’s plans because he was worried his daughter would be alone. I ended up calling him and giving him the "speech". He needs to take care of her and himself, ect. probably too soon for him to be in a relationship ect.. Sorry this was so long but I’m really struggling, did I do the right thing.. Part of me says this was a really nice guy, he wouldn’t lie, he tried to reassure me a couple times. Although his actions would seem to say yes I’m committed they were also few and far between. he ended up taking me away for two days after new years because he knew he messed up but that was the last time we had any quality time together or got physical. he would call and say I miss you but then say he was out to dinner by himself.. why wasn’t he at my house seeing me?
Am I getting mixed messeges from him or is it me?

meanwhile I had my cousin check him out on the dating site and it showed he was active on match within 24 hours that day. I confronted him on that also and he promised he wasn’t. And said he was 100 0/0 committed to me, that he felt lucky he found me..

Does the web site lie or does he.. I was confused. I’ve had enough lies in my marriage. He also told me that a lot of the nights he "couldn’t see me" he went to his favorite hangouts for dinner and drinks alone or with friends.. Just didn’t include me...I could have met him there after work, I work close by. So how much was it the daughter and how much was he just liked his freedom and didn’t think to ask me...? Anyways he comforted me and assured me he was 100 0/0 committed to me.

Fast forward two weeks ago to Sunday the 5th and I see he’s on the match .com site again (said available to chat). I send him a text that says it appears that your still on the site. He calls I once again share all my doubts, not calling me, not actively seeing me. He assures me again. Anyways we hung up from conversation and an hour later he was at my door.. Surprise... said he wanted to reassure me in person. he’s committed, not on site and really cares for me thinks he’s falling in love. Also said I made him feel an inch high with my text message. He stayed an hour and left to go back to daughter. That whole week I hardly heard anything again but he called up Tuesday night the 7th, drunk and said he loved me and he cancelled his match account period! Then i heard nothing from him at all Wednesday or thrusday or friday. (found out he went out alone again friday night). Saturday he took his daughter and I to a basketball game, paid $225.00 for us to go and have a “bonding moment”. Got back to his house and he says "thanks for coming- drive safe" I was dismissed! I didn’t hear anything that night or Sunday and got a very brief text Monday saying good morning. I checked the match site and it showed him as active within 5 days. 
I heard nothing yesterday so I checked the match site last night and it showed active within 24 hours. I’m like what the F. (Mean while remember that tall guy has been coming on strong.. I ended up seeing him Friday, Saturday night after the game and Sunday.) Kind of I think because I felt abandon by widower. But I see that I have more in common with tall guy.) Widower worries me, seems like he’s pulling away, has issues with his daughter which by the way was extremely rude to him threw-out the whole game and on the way home. She’s very angry he’s dating. Because I see his match account went from 5 days to 24 hours last night and He doesn’t seem to be telling me the truth about match... ect.. so I send him a scathing text message including a snap shot of his being active on the site and how I guess I can’t count on honesty from him.. He intern sent me a snapshot of the confirmation of his account and a text saying all he has is his word and if I that’s not good enough sorry, but wishes me the best, good luck. I send him a text saying it’s about more than his word, I explain my doubts with his drawing away again (talked with him about it that last Sunday also) also that a dating site is an unusual experience and with unusual circumstance and cant he see where I would doubt his word? But I wished him the best also.. I didn’t hear anything more from him but he took himself off as my facebook friend...I guess its over.

So here’s the thing… I should be happy, He obviously was not the best connection for me. Why else would I still want to see other guy? But no matter what, I did let myself get somewhat emotionally attached. And I feel rejected.. how stupid is that… I don’t know if this whole thing was my fault by questioning him to much, he probably just needed to go slow because of how recently his wife died and I wanted as much of his time and attention I could get. When I wasn’t getting it I got it from another source.. Is he a liar or does match screw with people and show them active when not. He did show me his confirmation that he cancelled his account. Am I just not ready based on my past marriage and the trust issues… UGH!! I feel guilty yet I feel rejected. Does this make sense to anyone and can anyone give me some insight to him? Also he was not a good communicator. But very kind.. I stayed home sick Monday and felt bad he hadn’t contacted me.. I texted him that I was home sick and he asked if he could get me anything.. we go from that to a day later broke up… yet in the long run I think that was my goal…. because I Dont want to get emotionally attached. He is not the first guy I got too close to then foound a reason to end it..... Ugh so confused.. 
Feel so hurt.....sorry agin this is long.. no one else to vent to!


----------



## Another Planet

Holy bible of a message!


----------



## Another Planet

doyoureallycare if you have to stalk someone to make sure the are faithful then there is either something up with you and trust issues or you are correct he does have something else going on. 
You said maybe he's not ready but maybe you aren't ready if you don't trust him enough and have to keep tabs on him.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> In retrospect I have actually thoroughly enjoyed it for the most part. Kind of lets you sort through a lot of that first stage ****. I have lost track of how many I have talked with now, probably hundreds. I have only met with a few though because well we figure out it won't work before hand.
> I've watched some profiles come and go and then come back again lol
> I've caught cheaters, talked girls through thoughts of suicide, convinced some they shouldn't be dating yet, discussed drug addictions and alcohol dependency, it's kind of like being here on TAM lol
> 
> If I am at this stage with her it is because I am interested in more and she stands out to me.
> With in a week I will probably ask her out and end up giving her my number and telling her that when she is ready she can call/text and be done with it.


Another as quite the online dater myself from the other side, i feel like you and would rather meet sooner rather than later... however most women dont, they spend all their time worrying if you are a serial killer or something... a line that always works well from a guy, thats opens it up but doesn't put to much on it.. asking if its ok to give them your number and take it off line, but if they dont feel comfortable with that you are more than happy to continue emailing with them


----------



## angstire

DoYouReallyCare, First online dating is difficult, esp with Match there to remind you that your date partner is still looking.

He is lying to you, Match is not. He's online.

What do you want? Do you want Widower or Tall Guy? 

This will be harsh, but you are being a cake eater. You want Widower to pursue you, but you want to still date Tall Guy until he's ready to commit. And you're very upset with Widower for not chasing you as you continue to try out Tall Guy and see where that will go.

Widower is all over the place and has issues with his kid. He's not setting a boundary with her and dating. And that's not your issue to fix, only to decide if you're ok with it or not. You can ask, but he may not change anything.

Dating is tough and there are no magic lines to cross when something is exclusive, so it's fair to be doing a dance with both guys. But you sound very upset with Widower for not being more committed to you, when you were still dating someone else. Why do you want more from him than you were giving him? 

Decide what you want and go after it. Be honest, if you're multi-dating, be honest about it. Even if it's not with the guys, with yourself.


----------



## angstire

unsure78 said:


> Another as quite the online dater myself from the other side, i feel like you and would rather meet sooner rather than later... however most women dont, they spend all their time worrying if you are a serial killer or something... a line that always works well from a guy, thats opens it up but doesn't put to much on it.. asking if its ok to give them your number and take it off line, but if they dont feel comfortable with that you are more than happy to continue emailing with them


I get offered numbers quite a bit before I ask. Texting/calling is just easier than Match emails. That's just me, but agreed as a guy, that offering your number is a good path forward. I usually will do that once we start to talk dates because texting about location, day, time is easier than taking two days to discuss via Match Mail.

I agree, women are more cautious because they have to be.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Another as quite the online dater myself from the other side, i feel like you and would rather meet sooner rather than later... *however most women dont, they spend all their time worrying if you are a serial killer or something...* a line that always works well from a guy, thats opens it up but doesn't put to much on it.. asking if its ok to give them your number and take it off line, but if they dont feel comfortable with that you are more than happy to continue emailing with them


This is something I probably don't worry enough about. I never worry about my safety meeting strangers for some reason. I should probably carry some pepper spray or something just in case.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Is that supposed to be Jesus?


It's Hipster Jesus in an awesome red Armani blazer (yes, in my mind, Jesus is a big fan of Armani clothing because, why not?)



vi_bride04 said:


> No - its the creepy molester teacher!


Haha. Actually he was tall and silver-haired. He did not look as cool or hip as our hugging Armani Jesus. 



Another Planet said:


> I am getting tired of the email dating, can I ask this girl out yet? It's 1-2 emails per day now and I'm getting bored.


Ask her out. Isn't that the entire point of online dating? To actually DATE?



Another Planet said:


> I've caught cheaters, talked girls through thoughts of suicide, convinced some they shouldn't be dating yet, discussed drug addictions and alcohol dependency, it's kind of like being here on TAM lol


This does not make me want to sign up for online dating. Lol.



Another Planet said:


> Holy bible of a message!


That was my exact thought too - holy wall of text! If only we had Jesus in Armani cliff's notes!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> This is something I probably don't worry enough about. I never worry about my safety meeting strangers for some reason. I should probably carry some pepper spray or something just in case.


I really dont either but we always meet in a very public place... the way i think about it is that i could be attacked going to target just as easily as meeting someone for a drink...


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> That was my exact thought too - holy wall of text! If only we have Jesus in Armani cliff's notes!


OMG this just made me snort laughing at my desk...


----------



## Jellybeans

I admit to not reading all of doyoureally's post. Cliff's notes would be good. I skimmed and doyourreally-being that I didn't read it all, I could be offbase BUT... stop stringing people along. P ick one. If one guy rejected you, just know that he wasn't meant for you and dust yourself off. In this dating game, you are going to get rejected by some and also reject some. As for widower--his wife only died a few months ago--not even an entire year. I imagine he still is trying to sort from that. Also, if any of these guys have online dating profiles up and actively use them, it means they are "free agents."

So how'd I do for not reading all the post?


----------



## Jellybeans

Article for all you online dater women:

_*Online Dating As A Woman Proved All Too Much For This Man*_

Source:

Online Dating As A Woman Proved All Too Much For This Man


----------



## angelpixie

Armani Jesus -- the 'patron saint' of TAM Singles?


----------



## Nsweet

Getting numbers from women online is not the same as in person. You have to spend at least a few days building up enough comfort for her to trust you, most likely it will be more like a week. Then you don't start chatting over the phone, you text and you continue to build comfort and make them laugh until they call you. 

And you * NEVER EVER EVER* just give your number to a woman. Guys fall for this crap all the time and women never call you. It's just seen as needy, because the way guys do it they give out their number expecting contact in return. You have to make her want to call you. 

You have to have to trade off numbers, getting hers first (if you can), and then text or talk very little at first. And there's a certain way you do this. Pretty much give a "hey you, it's me"... "I have a question about something you said (that shows I was listening to you that night I got your number)" .... Joke, joke joke... break the ice.... End the call on a high and under 10 minutes. That's how it's done. 

And if the woman or man you're talking too online doesn't feel comfortable giving you their number, guess what you do then. You 180! I keep harping on this almost jumping up and down screaming, and here it is again. You AGREE, AGREE, AGREE! If you get a no, a polite rejection, and a "I can't give you my number", then you agree, act like it's no big deal, and go back to building up comfort. 

You do this for everything, even if they feel comfortable texting but not talking over the phone with you. Don't act all butthurt that you can't get your way, just agree and go back to the way things were. Appreciate the little things and don't push for more if you don't want to spook them off. 

Also, one of my biggest tips for phone game and all that jazz is to act happy. You never know when you're going to get that call where the beautiful woman on the other end is having a bad day and needs a little cheering up. 5 minutes of contact with you lifting her spirits and being a little cheery can mean the difference between "I think we should talk" and "I think I need you here NOW".


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Armani Jesus -- the 'patron saint' of TAM Singles?


Yessssssssssssssss!  Love it.

Our patron saint has serious style:


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Yessssssssssssssss!  Love it.
> 
> Our patron saint has serious style:


HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH to you and Angel... im laughing so hard i started crying


----------



## Jellybeans

Is it bad that I just did a search for "hot Jesus" and "handsome Jesus?"


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn jelly, you do need to get laid....ha ha ha


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Yessssssssssssssss!  Love it.
> 
> Our patron saint has serious style:


Add a Sikh head turban to this guy and that was one of my graduate school roommates. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn jelly, you do need to get laid....ha ha ha


LOL. I wasn't thinking of him like THAT. And Jesus totally understands my plight. We (me, him, and his father) have had many conversations where I ask Him to forgive me for my bad, bad thoughts as I drive by church every morning.

This is not a made up story.

Armani Jesus is still my favorite, by the way.


----------



## COGypsy

unsure78 said:


> I really dont either but we always meet in a very public place... the way i think about it is that i could be attacked going to target just as easily as meeting someone for a drink...


I'm the same way--probably comes from having worked in rape crisis and DV centers so much, but I'm super diligent about letting people know where I'll be and who I'll be with. I'm a breath away from 40 and I still call my mom and tell her which road I'm taking to her house when I drive down on weekends!


----------



## COGypsy

Oh--and ladies.....

Happy National Hat Day!

Jan 15 National Hat Day


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Yessssssssssssssss!  Love it.
> 
> Our patron saint has serious style:


This reminds me of a joke I have about Jesus. Everybody argues so much about what Jesus looks like that I say screw it, we'll just give every culture their own Jesus. 

This is American Jesus. 

You know American Jesus doesn't walk on water, he doesn't walk anywhere. He travels around in a flying Nascar and turns water into Code Red Mountain Dew. Fish and bread, not when there's KFC. Go cups for everybody! You just say the word and he's making it rain Valium and Viagra. He's the most badasss American out there. He's American Jesus. 

And then like he has his own theme song with rock guitars and a bald eagle will scream whenever you say his name.:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Oh Armani Jesus, Patron Saint of us TAM Singles, I pray that Jelly please get pounded soon...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Oh Armani Jesus, Patron Saint of us TAM Singles, I pray that Jelly please get pounded soon...


Wow. Thanks for praying for me but methinks Jesus prefers a little more tact. _Pounding_ is a bit aggressive, no? 

Perhaps, "I pray that Jelly has some heavenly layage sooneth" I sayeth! 

(I pray for this too). 

And I just thought, what if I finally do get ...layeth'ed and it sucks. I am gonna be so pissed.


----------



## doureallycare2

angstire said:


> DoYouReallyCare, First online dating is difficult, esp with Match there to remind you that your date partner is still looking.
> 
> He is lying to you, Match is not. He's online.
> 
> What do you want? Do you want Widower or Tall Guy?
> 
> This will be harsh, but you are being a cake eater. You want Widower to pursue you, but you want to still date Tall Guy until he's ready to commit. And you're very upset with Widower for not chasing you as you continue to try out Tall Guy and see where that will go.
> 
> Widower is all over the place and has issues with his kid. He's not setting a boundary with her and dating. And that's not your issue to fix, only to decide if you're ok with it or not. You can ask, but he may not change anything.
> 
> Dating is tough and there are no magic lines to cross when something is exclusive, so it's fair to be doing a dance with both guys. But you sound very upset with Widower for not being more committed to you, when you were still dating someone else. Why do you want more from him than you were giving him?
> 
> Decide what you want and go after it. Be honest, if you're multi-dating, be honest about it. Even if it's not with the guys, with yourself.


Thank you that was helpful. 

I knew I was being a hypocrite or "cake eater" as I said I didn’t like who I was turning into because of insecurities I didn’t even know I had. 

Widower was not the type of man I usually would have picked, my x was the bad boy sort and the first couple guys I dated were also.. I picked widower because he seemed genuine, kind, sincere and if I didn’t have any doubts I think I would have gone with him.. But the doubts where still there. I still think hes a nice guy probably just confused (but unable to comunicate it) regarding his own emotions so soon after his wifes death.

Tall guy seemed to be moving to slow but the last couple weeks while I felt widower pulling away a little he has definitely been pursuing more of a relationship with me. 

Hence my email to widower regarding the online dating issue. I knew it would cause a confrontation and probably his withdraw from the relationship which would answer my question if he was the right one or not. basically I caused the withdraw because my gut was telling me he was lying but I didn’t really want to believe it. I’m not as much upset about him not being exclusive as him not willing to admit he wasn’t. I want to believe there are nice guys out there and the more I meet the more I doubt it. I also wanted to only be dating one but wanted to make sure I picked the one I would have the least amount of trust issues with. I like what you said about he’s lying. I cant see that he wasn’t but he like my x managed to turn it around on me and made me doubt my senses about it.


----------



## angstire

doureallycare2 said:


> Tall guy seemed to be moving to slow but the last couple weeks while I felt widower pulling away a little he has definitely been pursuing more of a relationship with me.


Going slow is likely a good sign. He's not rushing in and trying to replace a need (as widower and many a divorced person is), but letting things develop. Sometimes that stops and ends, but going slow with a continuous build seems like a good trajectory to a solid relationship. Or at least a fair assessment of each other.

I think you're self aware enough to post honestly here and that's good. Just be aware of what you want and go after it. If you're getting confused because of BS you're still carrying for your ex, back up, slow down and assess what you really want. Assess if there are things about the other person you want, or if you just want some of their attributes.

I'm a fan of getting out there and mixing it up in the dating world, but if you feel confused or unsure and don't know. Take a week to figure out what you want.

Good luck with Tall Guy!


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> "I pray that Jelly has some heavenly layage sooneth" I sayeth!


:rofl: :rofl: and :iagree: ray:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So, doyoureallycare2's post is kinda timely for me, I have been wanting to spill a little bit of myself here, too. 

For the first time in my life, I DO NOT like the person that I have become. Dont mistake this for arrogance on my part, it isnt, but I have always been really comfortable in my skin and with who I am. But this whole debacle I have been through in my dating life has revealed a me that I dont like. I cant tell you how many times I hear myself saying that "this isnt who I am, this isnt what I do" in regards to the things I have done recently, yet I keep doing them. Evidently the other night with hard hat, my drunken mouth had runneth over after we had sex and I dont even remember it, and I was absolutely horrified when he brought it up and told me what I said!  I am lucky he still speaks to me, let alone still spending time with me! 

This man is something special, and dont lecture me about how its too soon to tell. I think you can tell a truly good person. I dont want to fvck this up, I think he can be good for me, and I want to be a better person than what I have become. I am just not sure how to make that happen, since I have always been content with myself, I am usure of the next steps to take. Suggestions, TAM FAM??


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> So, doyoureallycare2's post is kinda timely for me, I have been wanting to spill a little bit of myself here, too.
> 
> For the first time in my life, I DO NOT like the person that I have become. Dont mistake this for arrogance on my part, it isnt, but I have always been really comfortable in my skin and with who I am. But this whole debacle I have been through in my dating life has revealed a me that I dont like. I cant tell you how many times I hear myself saying that "this isnt who I am, this isnt what I do" in regards to the things I have done recently, yet I keep doing them. Evidently the other night with hard hat, my drunken mouth had runneth over after we had sex and I dont even remember it, and I was absolutely horrified when he brought it up and told me what I said!  I am lucky he still speaks to me, let alone still spending time with me!
> 
> This man is something special, and dont lecture me about how its too soon to tell. I think you can tell a truly good person. I dont want to fvck this up, I think he can be good for me, and I want to be a better person than what I have become. I am just not sure how to make that happen, since I have always been content with myself, I am usure of the next steps to take. Suggestions, TAM FAM??


3X have you done IC?

and Ill go with you need to make yourself not look for someone who can be good for you... 
(speaks the codependent Unsure...hahaha)


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Article for all you online dater women:
> 
> _*Online Dating As A Woman Proved All Too Much For This Man*_
> 
> Source:
> 
> Online Dating As A Woman Proved All Too Much For This Man


I read this and it mirrors what I hear from women about online dating. Sometimes the stories are funny, but mostly it's like, "what the hell is up with dudes that they think they can act like this from behind a keyboard. And do they think it will actually work?"

Gross. I can't apologize for all of the mens, nor will I try, but this sh!t is gross. Unfair advantage to those of us that can act charming online and in person and actually listen to someone say no or I don't want to see you again. But still, gross that ladies have to put up with this sh!t. Makes me want to tell the guys who whine about not getting responses to their emails, it could be worse.....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> 3X have you done IC?
> 
> and Ill go with you need to make yourself not look for someone who can be good for you...
> (speaks the codependent Unsure...hahaha)


I haven't but maybe I should. And WHY would we not want someone who is good for us?? :scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I haven't but maybe I should. And WHY would we not want someone who is good for us?? :scratchhead:


In theory (its hard to do though) if you want a "healthy" realtionship you should be making yourself the best you can be, not depending on someone else to make you a better person.... A good example is D2H realtionship with his gf... both were already the best they could be ( granted we are always changing and evolving) and got themselves there BEFORE entering the realtionship...


unless im misinterpreting what you are talking about by being "good for us"


----------



## unsure78

3x how do you feel being alone, not dating anyone at all?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> 3x how do you feel being alone, not dating anyone at all?


I have been fine with being on my own.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been fine with being on my own.


thats good 

I am in IC but often once a week IC doesn't cut it for real change for me ( or often it doesn't strike me at the time of my IC appt). In addition to that what I really do if there is something I dont like about myself /want to improve/change is get a book on it, google it.. research and find as much info as possible, read blogs of people who have been thru the same thing....

thats whats helps me.. 

ok im going to shut up now... let someone else who is more qualified step in to give you ideas


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> thats good
> 
> I am in IC but often once a week IC doesn't cut it for real change for me ( or often it doesn't strike me at the time of my IC appt). In addition to that what I really do if there is something I dont like about myself /want to improve/change is get a book on it, google it.. research and find as much info as possible, read blogs of people who have been thru the same thing....
> 
> thats whats helps me..
> 
> ok im going to shut up now... let someone else who is more qualified step in to give you ideas


No dont, these are the kinds of ideas I was hoping for!  So thank you!


----------



## angstire

3X, I'm reading a book called Be Your Own CBT Therapist. One of the things the author suggests, and works in the business world too, find one thing to focus on fixing and work on that. Don't try to fix everything, because you'll get discouraged, your efforts will be divided, etc. 

If you don't want to focus on screwing things up with him, set up steps on how to do that from reframing how you think about it, what you want your behaviors, emotions and thoughts to be. 

Once you have a plan and are working on one issue, you can move onto the next.

The book is short and has very practical examples in it.


----------



## doureallycare2

3X- thank you, that is my point. This dating thing has brought out mass confusion for me..T hose that know me are say what the heck if I share my insecurities. They see me as this very strong, capable, determined and funny woman. I just see myself as a mess. I have gone to IC most of last year. I was happy after my divorce. So happy I said you know what I want to enrich someone else’s life and mine as well by being a companion and friend.. So I go online. I’m a totally different person 6 months later..!! What the heck..I am talking about not dating anyone but it has actually become an addiction I think. I really like Tall guy and he seems to really like me. But like you I think I’m going to do something to screw it up.. heck with all my doubts about widower (and yes I agree with what everyone said about him) Im still internalizing it and blaming myself on some point...ugh.


----------



## doureallycare2

angstire said:


> I read this and it mirrors what I hear from women about online dating. Sometimes the stories are funny, but mostly it's like, "what the hell is up with dudes that they think they can act like this from behind a keyboard. And do they think it will actually work?"
> 
> Gross. I can't apologize for all of the mens, nor will I try, but this sh!t is gross. Unfair advantage to those of us that can act charming online and in person and actually listen to someone say no or I don't want to see you again. But still, gross that ladies have to put up with this sh!t. Makes me want to tell the guys who whine about not getting responses to their emails, it could be worse.....


I went in so naive. 35 years married sense the age of 17. I knew there would be players and some liers. but it seems that everyone I met that was good-looking and had a good job were rude, lying or just after one thing. I had first conversations that asked if I was a thong, granny panty or commando type woman. How many times a day I would have sex and how much do I like to give..... I always cut these guys off and they have the nerve to get mad at me. I had a 26 year old ask me out and I said do you want date or a mom and he said he just like older woman and I was hot. when I told him I wasn’t interested he said well im more in to MILTF rather than GILTF. I had to ask what that was.. Next day someone said your a MILFT.. come on baby....I mean really? pretty soon you think that’s all they want. If your an attactive woman they just want to say they had a piece of you.... I’m not a piece of meat. that’s what bothers me about the widower.. did he just want a piece also.. I go with a guy not as good looking and he’s still a player? Makes you doubt everything...


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Getting numbers from women online is not the same as in person. You have to spend at least a few days building up enough comfort for her to trust you, most likely it will be more like a week. Then you don't start chatting over the phone, you text and you continue to build comfort and make them laugh until they call you.
> 
> And you * NEVER EVER EVER* just give your number to a woman. Guys fall for this crap all the time and women never call you. It's just seen as needy, because the way guys do it they give out their number expecting contact in return. You have to make her want to call you.
> 
> You have to have to trade off numbers, getting hers first (if you can), and then text or talk very little at first. And there's a certain way you do this. Pretty much give a "hey you, it's me"... "I have a question about something you said (that shows I was listening to you that night I got your number)" .... Joke, joke joke... break the ice.... End the call on a high and under 10 minutes. That's how it's done.
> 
> And if the woman or man you're talking too online doesn't feel comfortable giving you their number, guess what you do then. You 180! I keep harping on this almost jumping up and down screaming, and here it is again. You AGREE, AGREE, AGREE! If you get a no, a polite rejection, and a "I can't give you my number", then you agree, act like it's no big deal, and go back to building up comfort.
> 
> You do this for everything, even if they feel comfortable texting but not talking over the phone with you. Don't act all butthurt that you can't get your way, just agree and go back to the way things were. Appreciate the little things and don't push for more if you don't want to spook them off.
> 
> Also, one of my biggest tips for phone game and all that jazz is to act happy. You never know when you're going to get that call where the beautiful woman on the other end is having a bad day and needs a little cheering up. 5 minutes of contact with you lifting her spirits and being a little cheery can mean the difference between "I think we should talk" and "I think I need you here NOW".



See the last girl that blocked me or I guess she could have turned off her profile right off the bat was like "I am so glad that you are looking for friends also" because in my profile it says that I am also looking for friends, which is true because even now I still don't think I am ready to date and I am also one of those guys that alot of friends are girls....

But anyway we would email a good handful of times per week and like 3 emails in a row we were talking hobbies and things we like to do and each time she said she would show me pics of her crafts if she had a way to only show me so I kept waiting for her to give me her number but she didn't so finally the last email I dropped mine and said "well here's my number if you want to text me some pics of your crafts if you want"...
No word back for like a week then she was gone. I guess it did happen over Thanksgiving so something family crazy could have happened, she could have even hooked back up with exhubby who knows?

So I hadn't even bothered with anyone until this recent one. I just ignored any winks or likes or emails and didn't bother sending any out either until she caught my eye one night and I sent her an email. She put me on VIP status right away (whatever that means) which kind of surprised me, and now we shoot off an almost daily email to each other...

Should I just ignore her, would that make her like me more lol


----------



## ne9907

I think it is a good growing process to make ourselves accountable for some things not outright and put the blame solemnly on us but take responsibility. As Conrad likes to say we need to own our pos behavior and learn from it.


----------



## angstire

doureallycare2 said:


> Im still internalizing it and blaming myself on some point...ugh.


I think it's admirable you can recognize this and vocalize it. This is where you got to since your divorce. 

Next for you is to examine how you're reacting and if you can fix it and still date, do so. If you don't think can still date and need time to work on this newly exposed stuff, do that.

Life is short, get out there and live it. But if it's better for you to stop and reexamine, there are plenty of guys and you will have plenty of time to bring your special you-ness to their lives.


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


> Should I just ignore her, would that make her like me more lol


I agree with Nsweet much, but game playing just seems like too much work. Make a move. Do. Don't overthink it. Send your number, get her number, to hell with the girl in the past who did a houdini. Do.

Edit: To remove some unintended inneundo. You might want to screw houdini girl, but I meant to hell with her.


----------



## jpr

drerio said:


> I know those kind of profs, ewwww. My students view me as the enemy .


Yeah. 


It is double "ewwww" when the professor's wife is 9 months pregnant when he decides to announce that he found his "true love" with his 24 year old graduate student.



It is very ewwwwww, and very pathetic.


----------



## Dollystanford

jpr said:


> It is very ewwwwww, and very pathetic.


welcome to Sassie!


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> welcome to Sassie!


oh sassie has provided us with so much entertainment over the last 2 yrs.... but he is ewww..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> but he is ewww..


And that rhymes with 'poo.'

As Dolly said previously:

welcome to Sassie!


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> And that rhymes with 'poo.'
> 
> As Dolly said previously:
> 
> welcome to Sassie!



it happens, ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Dumb question.
So is it ok then to say on your profile your interested in friends too or whatever you'd call it ?

Like for me , if l met someone serious l'd be open for sure but l'd also like to just make a few friends . l just think it'd be good right now to have a gf - friend , you know just to call , text each other , talk.
l'm a good friend , very open minded , good sense of humor, girls usually love talking to me and me them. But with our separation l don't really see anyone we use to know.

So is it's ok to be open to a friend or two as well , how do l say that on the profile , word it ?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> So, doyoureallycare2's post is kinda timely for me, I have been wanting to spill a little bit of myself here, too.
> 
> *For the first time in my life, I DO NOT like the person that I have become.* Dont mistake this for arrogance on my part, it isnt, but I have always been really comfortable in my skin and with who I am. But this whole debacle I have been through in my dating life has revealed a me that I dont like. *I cant tell you how many times I hear myself saying that "this isnt who I am, this isnt what I do" in regards to the things I have done recently, yet I keep doing them.* Evidently the other night with hard hat, my drunken mouth had runneth over after we had sex and I dont even remember it, and I was absolutely horrified when he brought it up and told me what I said!  I am lucky he still speaks to me, let alone still spending time with me!


I was in a very similar spot a couple months ago. For me though, it wasn't as much not liking the person I have "become" but the person I have always been. I was just realizing and noticing patterns in my behavior...my actions. I have done alot of work through the years regarding how I communicate and treat others, but I think I have lacked in how I treat myself. I am very self destructive prone....I kinda have always known that, but I think more on a sub concious level. When I woke up and had it staring me in the face on a more concious level it definitely made me really look at myself. And I was having a really hard time with who I really was, so of course, reverting to old habits due to emotional stress. Its not easy, but now that I am way more aware of my behavior I have been able to really take the steps to stop with the destructive patterns.


----------



## whitehawk

doureallycare2 said:


> I went in so naive. 35 years married sense the age of 17. I knew there would be players and some liers. but it seems that everyone I met that was good-looking and had a good job were rude, lying or just after one thing. I had first conversations that asked if I was a thong, granny panty or commando type woman. How many times a day I would have sex and how much do I like to give..... I always cut these guys off and they have the nerve to get mad at me. I had a 26 year old ask me out and I said do you want date or a mom and he said he just like older woman and I was hot. when I told him I wasn’t interested he said well im more in to MILTF rather than GILTF. I had to ask what that was.. Next day someone said your a MILFT.. come on baby....I mean really? pretty soon you think that’s all they want. If your an attactive woman they just want to say they had a piece of you.... I’m not a piece of meat. that’s what bothers me about the widower.. did he just want a piece also.. I go with a guy not as good looking and he’s still a player? Makes you doubt everything...


lf it's any consolation the girls are just as bigger animals too , it's fkg mind boggling.
l caught up with someone l haven't seen in a few yrs , she's married , kids . We met at the lake and sat in the car talking and having some lunch take away. [email protected] weather .
About an hr after meeting after 5yrs , she comes out with , l WANT you to fk me HAWK ! l mean wtf ! 

She's married , kids , meets up with me and says that an hr later , l nearly threw up.
You just wouldn't believe some of them, even the profiles and stuff , some of the stuff they say , right there for anyone to see , in print.

l feel so disheartened , sometimes now l wonder if there even is ONE decent girl out there that isn't deep down just another piece of fkg trash , l really do.

Strangely enough , you guys on Tam give me hope . l think what good ones there is left in the world must be right here nursing wounds , because life seems to give the [email protected] to the best people .
And most of the best people have had their share of [email protected] happen to them and it keeps them grounded as a person maybe.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Dumb question.
> So is it ok then to say on your profile your interested in friends too or whatever you'd call it ?
> 
> Like for me , if l met someone serious l'd be open for sure but l'd also like to just make a few friends . l just think it'd be good right now to have a gf - friend , you know just to call , text each other , talk.
> l'm a good friend , very open minded , good sense of humor, girls usually love talking to me and me them. But with our separation l don't really see anyone we use to know.
> 
> So is it's ok to be open to a friend or two as well , how do l say that on the profile , word it ?


Same here man...this is mine...

--------------------------------------
Just looking to get to know some new people to chat with maybe hang out. NOT just looking for someone to be with, friends are cool too! 

I like to stay active with outdoor type things like hiking, camping, walks, bike rides... 
I love to cook and throwing the occasional entertaining party. 

I am self employed and have owned my own business for 10yrs now. I really enjoy it and look to expand to bigger things in the future.

I do have 3 wonderful kids in my life so... 
And I do like kids so no worry there. I'm not ruling it out but I don't really want more kids of my own. 

I am attracted to confidence and integrity.


----------



## Another Planet

Damn, I've been talking with her all night through email...I like her...so I know it's already over


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


> Damn, I've been talking with her all night through email...I like her...so I know it's already over


Erroneous, wrong attitude. Reboot.


----------



## Another Planet

Uh oh... this is escalating quickly. She went from warm to really warm to quickly. I think this is where I always mess up :/
I need a moment to think about this.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Damn, I've been talking with her all night through email...I like her...so I know it's already over


Hmm I totally get this. I feel that whoever gets attracted to me will have major.issues....so yeah


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> See the last girl that blocked me or I guess she could have turned off her profile right off the bat was like "I am so glad that you are looking for friends also" because in my profile it says that I am also looking for friends, which is true because even now I still don't think I am ready to date and I am also one of those guys that alot of friends are girls....
> 
> But anyway we would email a good handful of times per week and like 3 emails in a row we were talking hobbies and things we like to do and each time she said she would show me pics of her crafts if she had a way to only show me so I kept waiting for her to give me her number but she didn't so finally the last email I dropped mine and said "well here's my number if you want to text me some pics of your crafts if you want"...
> No word back for like a week then she was gone. I guess it did happen over Thanksgiving so something family crazy could have happened, she could have even hooked back up with exhubby who knows?
> 
> So I hadn't even bothered with anyone until this recent one. I just ignored any winks or likes or emails and didn't bother sending any out either until she caught my eye one night and I sent her an email. She put me on VIP status right away (whatever that means) which kind of surprised me, and now we shoot off an almost daily email to each other...
> 
> Should I just ignore her, would that make her like me more lol


And this was back in November? Yeah, it's over and done with. Just let her go. 

It sucks sometimes that the one your interested in will sorta string you along and then disappear. I should know, I've had it happen to me plenty of times. The only thing you can do is just let them go. Don't try to over think it. Don't try to make excuses for them. Just shake it off and pursue sex and dating with other people. 

Also the odds are you were competing with at least one other person for this girl, and she may have been interested in someone else and just had you as a back up. Hard to say really, some people do this and don't let you in on their plans. You are online dating, so just write this one off and start over.


----------



## angstire

Nsweet said:


> Also the odds are you were competing with at least one other person for this girl, and she may have been interested in someone else and just had you as a back up. Hard to say really, some people do this and don't let you in on their plans. You are online dating, so just write this one off and start over.


I've seen this writ large; if you're not in the constant contact club, you're plan B. Let her go.


----------



## Another Planet

Oh yeah shes gone and I'm fine with and cool with, I know the game. Same goes with me, until I am locked down game is still playing in my opinion. Just wondering why so if it was me I can correct the prob ya know? For the next one.....
Always learning.


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Dumb question.
> So is it ok then to say on your profile your interested in friends too or whatever you'd call it ?
> 
> Like for me , if l met someone serious l'd be open for sure but l'd also like to just make a few friends . l just think it'd be good right now to have a gf - friend , you know just to call , text each other , talk.
> l'm a good friend , very open minded , good sense of humor, girls usually love talking to me and me them. But with our separation l don't really see anyone we use to know.
> 
> So is it's ok to be open to a friend or two as well , how do l say that on the profile , word it ?


You always want to put that you're "just looking for friends" or whatever on your dating profile. Whichever tick box choice they give you for that. It will separate you from all the horny guys just looking for casual sex and you'll get more responses.

Also try to structure your profile to say that you're not looking for anyone at the moment. But do it in a way where you come off as this amazing person no woman can have, without lying. I put on mine that I'm divorced and it shows I'm 26, but I said something like "marriage was fun, but it's not something I want to do again." I kid you not I still get hits on my old profile I haven't checked out in over a year, and all these really attractive women keep messaging me that they could change my mind. I don't even have a picture up or anything.

It also really helps if you tone down the sexual options, if they give those to you. Don't click on the box for threeways or S&M, just keep it very vanilla. And try to answer every single question as in depth as you can, because guys seems to put the same sh!t as like "I'm fun and interesting" and it just seems boring. Don't try to brag about anything, just go a little more in depth and don't forget the minute details. Even if you're the stay at home type and watch the same things on TV everyday include your favorite show. You never know what small thing may attract like minds.


----------



## Another Planet

I liked her but I like new "hat"  that much more! Guys can do the hat thing right ladies? Old "hat" was cool but small on intelligence...


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> I liked her but I like new "hat"  that much more! Guys can do the hat thing right ladies? Old "hat" was cool but small on intelligence...


I wanted to clarify on this cause I couldn't sleep because of it. I'm not saying some people are worth less....if some might think this 
I am a businessman and I run into all types of people. Everyone is important for their ability and that is what they can do...nothing wrong with that. Do your thing seriously!
Just wanted to make that clear. You are important!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Same here man...this is mine...
> 
> --------------------------------------
> Just looking to get to know some new people to chat with maybe hang out. NOT just looking for someone to be with, friends are cool too!
> 
> I like to stay active with outdoor type things like hiking, camping, walks, bike rides...
> I love to cook and throwing the occasional entertaining party.
> 
> I am self employed and have owned my own business for 10yrs now. I really enjoy it and look to expand to bigger things in the future.
> 
> I do have 3 wonderful kids in my life so...
> And I do like kids so no worry there. I'm not ruling it out but I don't really want more kids of my own.
> 
> I am attracted to confidence and integrity.



Thanks for that AP , very good of you man.
l can't see anything wrong with that at all but gee l dunno , people are so weird on these date sites and the way they seem to read things.

Anyway ,l'll have to have a bash at rewording mine in that case.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Uh oh... this is escalating quickly. She went from warm to really warm to quickly. I think this is where I always mess up :/
> I need a moment to think about this.



l had something like this and it was much the same feelings , just going along way too fast.
l thought right l'm signing out for 3 or 4 days . So l did and just chilled , got my bearings. We never talked again, it pissed her off but that was my point so l didn't care. l mean if that's all it took then l'm not interested in her .

Not to say that yours is a negative but just take time out if you need time to feel this out . lf she waits she waits but if she can't even wait a few days then whats that say about her anyway .


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> You always want to put that you're "just looking for friends" or whatever on your dating profile. Whichever tick box choice they give you for that. It will separate you from all the horny guys just looking for casual sex and you'll get more responses.
> 
> 
> @ hu , really . l thought it might've been a turn off because l guessed everyone's supposedly looking for a relationship.
> 
> 
> Also try to structure your profile to say that you're not looking for anyone at the moment. But do it in a way where you come off as this amazing person no woman can have, without lying. I put on mine that I'm divorced and it shows I'm 26, but I said something like "marriage was fun, but it's not something I want to do again." I kid you not I still get hits on my old profile I haven't checked out in over a year, and all these really attractive women keep messaging me that they could change my mind. I don't even have a picture up or anything.
> 
> 
> @ that'd be right but hey , you are only 26 they probly think your trainable. Wonder if it would backfire for me because l'd suppose most girls in their 30s and 40's are hoping to remarry - whatcha think ?
> 
> 
> It also really helps if you tone down the sexual options, if they give those to you. Don't click on the box for threeways or S&M, just keep it very vanilla. And try to answer every single question as in depth as you can, because guys seems to put the same sh!t as like "I'm fun and interesting" and it just seems boring. Don't try to brag about anything, just go a little more in depth and don't forget the minute details. Even if you're the stay at home type and watch the same things on TV everyday include your favorite show. You never know what small thing may attract like minds.



@ Funny thing is all the girls seem to write the same stuff too , on mine anyway. but nah l don't touch any sex boxes and to be honest l wouldn't go near a girl that did either. l mean unless it's some casual hook up sight then l wouldn't respect anyone blurting out their sexual crap all over their profile, when l see that l'm outa there like a bullet.
But all the small stuff you think , no worries , l'll see what it's got and do a bit of a rework when l'm in the mood.

Thanks for this ns but l must admit , l am gonna have to give it a few re reads . l don't know why but l just have so much trouble trying to do those damn profiles. l'm not usually stuck for words but with that stuff, think my dyslexia kicks into over drive


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Hmm I totally get this. I feel that whoever gets attracted to me will have major.issues....so yeah



No way ne , don't think that , you'll be right.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Oh yeah shes gone and I'm fine with and cool with, I know the game. Same goes with me, until I am locked down game is still playing in my opinion. Just wondering why so if it was me I can correct the prob ya know? For the next one.....
> Always learning.



l've had this too yet 99% of the time l don't think it is even us or you or me. They come and go like fkg flies , just disappear, it's crazy. But from what everyone says there's just that many people on there just playing games for all sorts of reasons .


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> They come and go like fkg flies , just disappear, it's crazy. But from what everyone says there's just that many people on there just playing games for all sorts of reasons .


:iagree:

Remember Social Media Guy? (The one who kept disappearing after dates and sayi ng he wanted to explain why and never did--then after I told him I wasn't into it/we weren't a match/no point in going out again, he invited me on an overseas trip with him of which I declined)?

Anyway, yesterday I get a text from him saying that he is back from overseas and "It's restaurant week. Want to go tonight or tomorrow?" 

*WTF? *

I already told him I didn't want to go out with him again and we aren't a match. Yet he still keeps reaching out to me. Why? I don't understand men. He couldn't explain why he kept disappearing "I will send you an email ..." --twice--and now he's texting me all the time asking me silly questions. 

By the way I told him, No.


----------



## doureallycare2

ne9907 said:


> Hmm I totally get this. I feel that whoever gets attracted to me will have major.issues....so yeah


Okay, really :scratchhead:..... I know I was having a bad day yesterday and was feeling totoally discouraged from having caused a break up I knew had to happen with my widower. but come on guys... 

As much as I am having a hard time finding legitimately nice people to date it doesn’t mean that you only attract S&^% or that I do either. It probably takes wading through the muck to get to fresh water.

One of the reasons I new I needed to break off with widower was I decided I had to set higher standards for myself. He started off thinking how lucky he was to get me, then once the relationship was going for 2 months didn’t think I was the priority anymore. As much as you have a 19 year old daughter that needs you, a girlfriend needs you also, or a boyfriend needs you also.. if you go into a relationship doing everything to get their attention, you better keep it up because that’s what won me over in the first place…right?

So look at it right from the get go as to the standard of the person. Do they seem an initial match, is there attraction? What are the things that attracted you? 

If so go into it with no expectations other then those.. say that to them... say lets go out 2-3 times and reevaluate if we click or not. if your still giving me what I need and I’m still giving you what you need? 

I think I was trying to find the exact right person and therefor had a hard time letting go if it wasn’t working out...let them go.. There is someone better for you if there not the one!!

Also does anyone have a hard time with the ones that you did end a relationship coming back in the picture.. Over the 6 months of dating I let quite a few go.. Some just keep trying to come back (like my x among others).. That’s hard for me.. I hate hurting anyone so that initial break was hard and now their back wanting me to do it again to them… ugh.. Confusing… I know it’s a case of I’m too nice and can’t say leave me alone..

My point is though, don’t put yourself down and expect less!
:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Ex was suppose to come over tonight because it is going to snow and if it does I have to work over night but I have our kids here. 
Was going to make a nice dinner with some wine. 
Talked to her this morning and she bailed, said her gf is giving her **** for not hanging out and always canceling so she couldn't come over but will early in the morning...
OK works for me, more time to concentrate on the new girl. Actually I was kinda dreading it, we are on the verge of making some bad decisions lol


----------



## Jellybeans

doureallycare2 said:


> One of the reasons I new I needed to break off with widower was I decided I had to set higher standards for myself. He started off thinking how lucky he was to get me, then once the relationship was going for 2 months didn’t think I was the priority anymore.


Some men just like the chase. Once they get you, they lose all interest. I have found this to be true several times.



doureallycare2 said:


> Also does anyone have a hard time with the ones that you did end a relationship coming back in the picture.


ALL the time. Read my post above about Social Media Guy!

In fact, Nsweet and I were discussing this the other day-about people re-appearing. Why do they do this?



Another Planet said:


> Was going to make a nice dinner with some wine.
> Talked to her this morning and she bailed, said her gf is giving her **** for not hanging out and always canceling so she couldn't come over but will early in the morning...


You could always save the wine/dinner for Vi-Bride who I am sure would not bail on you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> *You always want to put that you're "just looking for friends" or whatever on your dating profile. *Whichever tick box choice they give you for that. It will separate you from all the horny guys just looking for casual sex and you'll get more responses.
> 
> *Also try to structure your profile to say that you're not looking for anyone at the moment.* But do it in a way where you come off as this amazing person no woman can have, without lying. I put on mine that I'm divorced and it shows I'm 26, but I said something like "marriage was fun, but it's not something I want to do again." I kid you not I still get hits on my old profile I haven't checked out in over a year, and all these really attractive women keep messaging me that they could change my mind. I don't even have a picture up or anything.


See, I would go right past your profile if I saw these things. I am looking for someone who wants a real one on one relationship, and I dont want to play around with the friend game or anything like that any more. Just sayin.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> See, I would go right past your profile if I saw these things. I am looking for someone who wants a real one on one relationship, and I dont want to play around with the friend game or anything like that any more. Just sayin.


Also, when I read "Just looking for friends" stuff I have found more often than not, the guy is just trying to get laid, not really develop a friendship. So I also just go past these profiles now.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Some men just like the chase. Once they get you, they lose all interest. I have found this to be true several times.
> 
> 
> 
> ALL the time. Read my post above about Social Media Guy!
> 
> In fact, Nsweet and I were discussing this the other day-about people re-appearing. Why do they do this?
> 
> 
> 
> *You could always save the wine/dinner for Vi-Bride who I am sure would not bail on you.  *


 



3Xnocharm said:


> See, I would go right past your profile if I saw these things. I am looking for someone who wants a real one on one relationship, and I dont want to play around with the friend game or anything like that any more. Just sayin.


Mine says I am looking for friends ALSO. I guess I see how that could be interpreted wrong though, like I'm looking for FWB or something like that which is not true...for the most part


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> In fact, Nsweet and I were discussing this the other day-about people re-appearing. Why do they do this?


I honestly think the ones that appear/disappear, want to hang out on really short notice, or just keep fishing are people who don't like to be alone, are talking to multiple people and have you on their "well if something doesn't work out with the person I'm really interested in..." Ya know, plan B type thinking. And I'm applying this to both sexes, not just men. B/c I'm sure there are women who act the same in the dating world. 




Jellybeans said:


> You could always save the wine/dinner for Vi-Bride who I am sure would not bail on you.


:lol: Jelly, you crack me up. I think AP has enough women to beat off with a stick at the moment...they may be crazy as hell women but he'll learn eventually


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok, men, WTF is up with Social Media Guy? Why is he doing this? I want a male POV.


----------



## angstire

doureallycare2 said:


> Also does anyone have a hard time with the ones that you did end a relationship coming back in the picture.. Over the 6 months of dating I let quite a few go.. Some just keep trying to come back (like my x among others).. That’s hard for me.. I hate hurting anyone so that initial break was hard and now their back wanting me to do it again to them… ugh.. Confusing… I know it’s a case of I’m too nice and can’t say leave me alone..


Just be firm and clear with your NO. Guys are more prone to come back and try again later, esp. if you've had sex.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Remember Social Media Guy? (The one who kept disappearing after dates and sayi ng he wanted to explain why and never did--then after I told him I wasn't into it/we weren't a match/no point in going out again, he invited me on an overseas trip with him of which I declined)?
> 
> Anyway, yesterday I get a text from him saying that he is back from overseas and "It's restaurant week. Want to go tonight or tomorrow?"
> 
> *WTF? *
> 
> I already told him I didn't want to go out with him again and we aren't a match. Yet he still keeps reaching out to me. Why? I don't understand men. He couldn't explain why he kept disappearing "I will send you an email ..." --twice--and now he's texting me all the time asking me silly questions.
> 
> By the way I told him, No.



Yeah , you did the right thing ditching him JB who needs that bs. like you said, wtf !


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, men, WTF is up with Social Media Guy? Why is he doing this? I want a male POV.


If you two had sex, he's trying to get into your pants again.

If not, he's likely seeing other women and when he's in a lull, he's thinking, hmmm, JB was quality, I wonder if she's lonely this weekend.

And believe me, you ARE quality.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Also, when I read "Just looking for friends" stuff I have found more often than not, the guy is just trying to get laid, not really develop a friendship. So I also just go past these profiles now.


Yeah right , see l think the same thing when the girls say it .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, men, WTF is up with Social Media Guy? Why is he doing this? I want a male POV.




Sorry JB but l think he's got you on the plan B list . Your too good for that piss him off.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, men, WTF is up with Social Media Guy? Why is he doing this? I want a male POV.


Because hes a jerk. He is totally stringing you along. You should ditch him completely...or appreciate the relationship for what it is.

Remember people only treat you how you let them.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, men, WTF is up with Social Media Guy? Why is he doing this? I want a male POV.



Most guys are a lot more insecure than you think. You told him No and he is asking silly questions to both deflect his insecurity and to keep you on the hook. The best thing a guy like this can learn is a lesson in humility. Tell him no thanks don't respond any more (get off the hook) and let him grow up.


----------



## vi_bride04

whitehawk said:


> Yeah right , see l think the same thing when the girls say it .


Well I have tried to talk to the "just friends" profiles and within a few messages they ask for "pictures" or want to meet up. 

Naaa, if you really wanted to be friends sexual references wouldn't even come up, especially within hours of first contact!


----------



## angstire

drerio said:


> Tell him no thanks don't respond any more (get off the hook) and let him grow up.


:iagree:


----------



## whitehawk

doureallycare2 said:


> Okay, really :scratchhead:..... I know I was having a bad day yesterday and was feeling totoally discouraged from having caused a break up I knew had to happen with my widower. but come on guys...
> 
> As much as I am having a hard time finding legitimately nice people to date it doesn’t mean that you only attract S&^% or that I do either. It probably takes wading through the muck to get to fresh water.
> 
> One of the reasons I new I needed to break off with widower was I decided I had to set higher standards for myself. He started off thinking how lucky he was to get me, then once the relationship was going for 2 months didn’t think I was the priority anymore. As much as you have a 19 year old daughter that needs you, a girlfriend needs you also, or a boyfriend needs you also.. if you go into a relationship doing everything to get their attention, you better keep it up because that’s what won me over in the first place…right?
> 
> So look at it right from the get go as to the standard of the person. Do they seem an initial match, is there attraction? What are the things that attracted you?
> 
> If so go into it with no expectations other then those.. say that to them... say lets go out 2-3 times and reevaluate if we click or not. if your still giving me what I need and I’m still giving you what you need?
> 
> I think I was trying to find the exact right person and therefor had a hard time letting go if it wasn’t working out...let them go.. There is someone better for you if there not the one!!
> 
> Also does anyone have a hard time with the ones that you did end a relationship coming back in the picture.. Over the 6 months of dating I let quite a few go.. Some just keep trying to come back (like my x among others).. That’s hard for me.. I hate hurting anyone so that initial break was hard and now their back wanting me to do it again to them… ugh.. Confusing… I know it’s a case of I’m too nice and can’t say leave me alone..
> 
> My point is though, don’t put yourself down and expect less!
> :smthumbup:



Yeah l agree doya - like that one . l'm thinking how the hell do l shorten that name :smthumbup:
People turn it on for new dates , they could keep it going for hours,days or mths, in spats, before the cracks start showing. Girls doing that are easier to read l reckon but some of the guys , talk about turn it on , it's their game they've been using for yrs , not always easy to pick straight off.


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> If you two had sex, he's trying to get into your pants again.
> 
> If not, he's likely seeing other women and when he's in a lull, he's thinking, hmmm, JB was quality, I wonder if she's lonely this weekend.


We did not have sex (nor will we ever). In fact, I think he is mad because he didn't get in my pants, which I called him out on. I was like, _I don't know you like that... _ We did make out some, though. 



angstire said:


> And believe me, you ARE quality.


Aww. Thanks!



whitehawk said:


> Sorry JB but l think he's got you on the plan B list . Your too good for that piss him off.


Which is ironic because he isn't even on my Plan Z list. :lol:

He and I are never going to happen, of that I am decided on.



drerio said:


> Most guys are a lot more insecure than you think. You told him No and he is asking silly questions to both deflect his insecurity and to keep you on the hook. The best thing a guy like this can learn is a lesson in humility. Tell him no thanks don't respond any more (get off the hook) and let him grow up.


Good advice. Though I already did tell him No. So I guess I just have to reiterate that point or not respond. Give him the FRIENDS speech again." It's all we can ever be." Hahaha.

It's funny how after you start ignoring/rejecting a guy who has done you wrong, he wants to come back tenfold. I will never understand *certain* men.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> See, I would go right past your profile if I saw these things. I am looking for someone who wants a real one on one relationship, and I dont want to play around with the friend game or anything like that any more. Just sayin.


See this is the thing . l'd love meet that one on one real deal to, l'd love to find that again actually. 
Spose it's a bad attitude though but really , l guess l'm just not expecting to find anything like that on a date site.
Still like l do want it known l'm looking though non the less.

But l'd also be open to friends that's all . But no interest at all in fkg with friends , been there , hate it. Just friends.


----------



## doureallycare2

angstire said:


> I've seen this writ large; if you're not in the constant contact club, you're plan B. Let her go.


Okay.. this is going to sound really mean and honestly I’m not a mean or selfish person. And I never would call myself a player.
I was dating 3 guys at one time and had a 4th that I went on 2 dates with but quite frankly as cute as he was, did not have good enough prospects for me. He was my C. At one point he said to me I’m already on the hook all you have to do is real me in... I said to my girlfriend, he doesn’t even realize he’s already reeled in and he's dangling there... I said how mean is that? I have to change how I’m treating these guys. I let them all go except for Widower and tall guy (liked them both and was really torn). Then let widower go...however fish on the hook guy is still texting me... you try and be honest and they still want to hang on...


----------



## doureallycare2

whitehawk said:


> l'm thinking how the hell do l shorten that name :smthumbup:.


LOL, My friends call me DURC


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Sorry JB but l think he's got you on the plan B list . Your too good for that piss him off.


Or maybe he thinks he has no real chance so is just putting it out there in the case something causes her to unexpectedly relent. Low cost, low chance but high yield. Hedging his funds.


----------



## doureallycare2

3Xnocharm said:


> See, I would go right past your profile if I saw these things. I am looking for someone who wants a real one on one relationship, and I dont want to play around with the friend game or anything like that any more. Just sayin.


Sorry but I would too.. If you say your just looking for friends on a dating site. it says *****WARNING>>>WANTS SEX***WARNING JUST WANTS SEX*****


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> See, I would go right past your profile if I saw these things. I am looking for someone who wants a real one on one relationship, and I dont want to play around with the friend game or anything like that any more. Just sayin.


See, that's what I thought too. But almost every woman checks off the boxes for "looking for friends", and then a little something more. So that's what I put, and the dating site's algorithm matches me to them. I also wright one kick ass dating profile. I really do! And not to be that guy, but being 6' tall and white does seem to help.

Plus, I a lot of the times I'll put something about how I prefer average looking woman over the super skinny types. Last time I put something like "You're no Victoria's Secret model, but I bet you still look good in pjs." And I got a ton of hits for that. Then I put "no blondes", and I just got pelted with blondes asking me "Why not?".:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Well then I guess I will just have to change that on my profile, it's to bad because I have met some really cool girls that are friends now from Match...BUT how many great ones have passed me by because of it?
It is really bad people have to lie and be two faced. I'm the real deal, I am exactly the same person in real life as I am here with you guys and on my Match profile. Pretty straight forward no BS kind of person. 
Actually you guys might know me better then most people in non PC life, which is a strange thought lol


----------



## angstire

I have had no luck turning match dates into friends. I've tried it and they are like, cool, let's be friends, hey how is dating going, maybe what you want is right here?


----------



## Pbartender

If you want to find friends, my advice would be to step away from the online profiling (and the navel-gazing message boarding) now and again, and go live life a bit. Get out, get a hobby, join a club, take lessons in something...

I picked up more real, lasting friends by joining a community chorus and playing Dungeons & Dragons, than I ever would have by chatting up random women on a dating site.

This weekend, I start learning how to square dance.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hahahaha! I was just going to mention that PB - if you want friends, don't look on a dating site. Dating is romantic intentions almost always, right?

Try meetup groups for friends.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Hahahaha! I was just going to mention that PB - if you want friends, don't look on a dating site. *Dating is romantic intentions almost always, right?*
> 
> Try meetup groups for friends.


THIS is why I never understood the whole "I'm on here looking to make friends!" thing on dating profiles, lol!


----------



## Another Planet

Seriously this would make you women think I am just in it for sex?...

"Just looking to get to know some new people to chat with maybe hang out. NOT just looking for someone to be with, friends are cool too!"


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Seriously this would make you women think I am just in it for sex?...
> 
> "Just looking to get to know some new people to chat with maybe hang out. NOT just looking for someone to be with, friends are cool too!"


No not really, but it WOULD make me wonder why you are bothering on a dating site...get me?


----------



## Another Planet

I did see that new girl was checking on me lol. I think I hooked her good last night in conversation, assuming now is her girlfriends time to check me out and make sure I am not a creeper. I probably won't hear from her today, I do see the girls that checked me out bumped up 10 since this morning.
I'll probably have a few new winks and likes and emails trying to test me lol


----------



## Ikaika

Pbartender said:


> If you want to find friends, my advice would be to step away from the online profiling (and the navel-gazing message boarding) now and again, and go live life a bit. Get out, get a hobby, join a club, *take lessons* in something...
> 
> 
> 
> I picked up more real, lasting friends by joining a community chorus and playing Dungeons & Dragons, than I ever would have by chatting up random women on a dating site.
> 
> 
> 
> This weekend, I start learning how to square dance.



I would say learn how to play the bass. However in any band, the ladies go for (in order):

Lead singer
Lead guitar
Drummer
Rhythm guitar
Keyboard
Pyrotechnics crew
Roadies
Bass player

:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

drerio said:


> I would say learn how to play the bass. However in any band, the ladies go for (in order):
> 
> Lead singer
> Lead guitar
> Drummer
> Rhythm guitar
> Keyboard
> Pyrotechnics crew
> Roadies
> Bass player
> 
> :rofl:


Thats funny because I usually dig the bass players! lol! My big weakness is drummers, though!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> THIS is why I never understood the whole "I'm on here looking to make friends!" thing on dating profiles, lol!


People put that because they're not confident enough to date, in a relationship with someone else and still looking, or genuinely tired of trying and are now just looking for friends. In my experience I've found the ones who say they are looking for friends are really looking for someone special, because why else would they be on a dating site? 

But just to clear up something about dating sites.... You want to make friends there. You need friends there. Because these are going to be the people who you can talk about your dates with, the ones who will tell you what your love interest was doing live on cam with another single while you were away, and any red flags.

And for what $30 a month, it pays to form a safety net and have friends you can just bullsh!t with from time to time. The ones I met on the site where I met my ex wife used to make me laugh like the social spot on TAM and in between dates we would just trade youtube videos and talk about the sl*tty little attention wh*res that annoyed the crap out of us.


----------



## Pbartender

Right, Nsweet, but Another Planet also has to remember that regardless of what people ask for on their profiles, these are _dating_ sites, not _friending_ sites.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh man...hard hat's best "girl" friend wants us all to get together! Yikes, thats more intimidating than meeting the parents!


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Right, Nsweet, but Another Planet also has to remember that regardless of what people ask for on their profiles, these are _dating_ sites, not _friending_ sites.


Don't forget about the *"D-Technique"* here either. Some of these women have powerful shields against men approaching them for sex before they're ready, so they say they want friendship only and keep their guard up to prevent any more emotional hurt. So you have to go along with that and be a friend, with sexual chemistry, for long enough for them to drop their guard and initiate you.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh man...hard hat's best "girl" friend wants us all to get together! Yikes, thats more intimidating than meeting the parents!


Stop saying 'yes' when you want to say 'no'. Makes life more enjoyable, and kills codependent tendencies.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh man...hard hat's best "girl" friend wants us all to get together! Yikes, thats more intimidating than meeting the parents!


Right, $20 says she makes a move on him in front of you.


----------



## Another Planet

I guess I think differently then most do. You should be friends with your lover, only way to go about it in my book. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks differently either.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Right, $20 says she makes a move on him in front of you.


So, what, none of you guys here have a close female friend who gives you advice about girls and stuff??


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Don't forget about the *"D-Technique"* here either. Some of these women have powerful shields against men approaching them for sex before they're ready, so they say they want friendship only and keep their guard up to prevent any more emotional hurt. So you have to go along with that and be a friend, with sexual chemistry, for long enough for them to drop their guard and initiate you.


"D-Technique"?


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I guess I think differently then most do. You should be friends with your lover, only way to go about it in my book. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks differently either.


Right but friends with a lover isn't "Just friends"

So what you should really be saying is you want to start off as friends but actually looking for a relationship with the right person.


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> I guess I think differently then most do. You should be friends with your lover, only way to go about it in my book. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks differently either.


There's nothing wrong with that, but... You do have to realize that making friends is not the primary purpose of those websites.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> "D-Technique"?


Maybe "D" is for


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> So, what, none of you guys here have a close female friend who gives you advice about girls and stuff??


It's not that. It's just that women get very territorial and jealous around other women. If she doesn't like you she's going to reflect that in passive-aggressive ways.


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> I guess I think differently then most do. You should be friends with your lover, only way to go about it in my book. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks differently either.


The way I see it is this--my friends are my friends. They are not my dating pool. If I am looking for a boyfriend/date/lover/whatever, then I'm not going to review my Friends list on Facebook, I'm going to go meet someone that flips my switch.

Conversely, I regularly run into life stages where I have to make new friends and create a new social group. Usually after the current roster starts having babies, but to some degree after my divorce too. When I'm making the effort to make new friends, the place I go is NOT a dating site. 

It's like shopping, really. If I'm looking for shoes, I won't be shopping at the grocery store. If I'm looking for a big hunk of meat to toss on the grill--I'm not at the shoe store.

However, through nearly a year of dating, Mr. Mantastic is one of my best friends at this point. He's the one I want to tell about my best day and my worst day. But he never would have become Mantastic if he had wanted to "be friends".


----------



## Jellybeans

I gave all us hot and single people of TAM a shout out in another thread.



http://talkaboutmarriage.com/politics-religion/139209-what-church-faith-you-7.html


----------



## unsure78

i like the meetup groups for making friends... however that being said i have two guys now that have become friends from match after we went out on one date and I wasnt interested...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I gave all us hot and single people of TAM a shout out in another thread.
> 
> 
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/politics-religion/139209-what-church-faith-you-7.html



hahahaha! jelly you rule!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Uh.... Shoes? Grocery stores? You're over thinking this.

Let me put it another way. If a guy tries to maul you for sex on the first date would you date him again? Now after a bunch of dates like that and ones where the guy sleeps with you and never calls you again, would you be very trusting of first dates?

After all of this, assuming you were still looking for "the one", would you put on your dating profile that you were looking for friends or keep rolling the dice with casual meeting and hope you find someone that likes you for you and not for sex?

That's why these men and women say they're looking for friends. Because some b!tch or some assh*le before you screwed up a good thing and now they're more cautious with the dating scene.


----------



## ne9907

angelpixie said:


> Maybe "D" is for


Haha this made me LOL seriously!!

I had my librarian interview today. I went rather well, I will hear something in the next two weeks.
Meanwhile, I am still selling insurances and totally think my "mentor" is a bully, boastful, annoying, and arrogant prick!


----------



## vi_bride04

Soooo...there was mention of a healthy living group? Is it invite only cuz I couldn't seem to request to be a member when I tried last week .....


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Soooo...there was mention of a healthy living group? Is it invite only cuz I couldn't seem to request to be a member when I tried last week .....


Send drerio a PM. He'll let you in.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Soooo...there was mention of a healthy living group? Is it invite only cuz I couldn't seem to request to be a member when I tried last week .....



I will send you an invite.


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> If you want to find friends, my advice would be to step away from the online profiling (and the navel-gazing message boarding) now and again, and go live life a bit. Get out, get a hobby, join a club, take lessons in something...
> 
> I picked up more real, lasting friends by joining a community chorus and playing Dungeons & Dragons, than I ever would have by chatting up random women on a dating site.
> 
> This weekend, I start learning how to square dance.


Yeah reckon your probably right pb , working on it . l love the real world.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> So, what, none of you guys here have a close female friend who gives you advice about girls and stuff??


Yeah l use to all the time. This was sort of what l was getting at because sometimes your not suited to date but you know you could hit it off as good friends.


----------



## angstire

3Xnocharm said:


> So, what, none of you guys here have a close female friend who gives you advice about girls and stuff??


I do and she's lesbian, so we just cut out all the BS when chatting about womens. It helps.


----------



## angstire

DYRC

I just discovered that Match will be updated if you look at an email in your inbox, phone, etc. It doesn't even have to be on the Match site or phone app. So, Widower could have been looking at the emails and that showed him active on Match. But if he was looking at emails and claimed his account was shut off, still smells like a lie to me.

Old business at this point, but wanted to clarify as one of the Match experts on TAM Singles.


----------



## Nsweet

When did it become trendy for women to claim "bi-sexual" or "bi-curious" status on their dating profiles? 

I just logged in to my dating profile tonight, which is just basic because I'm never going back to that being a premium member of that site. I haven't even been there in over a year, except for occasionally opening my email and seeing what the women who checked me out look like. Every woman that messaged me or clicked on my profile bi-something on her profile. Since when did this become popular or sexy? That's not sexy, that just tells me you joined a dating site and you don't know what the hell you're looking for. 

And these women.... Ok, I don't have to be a mind reader to know why they're still single. I recognized a few princesses, a crazy chick, a few wh*res, some alcoholics, and then there was one who's About Me said this: "Nothing beats the pleasure I get from tying my lover up and torture him with pleasures. Chains and whips send chills up my spine." And you're looking for a relationship with that date-bait? 

And these are the women in my age bracket! Half of them are holding up booze for selfies, and the other half is showing me too much and ruining the fantasy. I know breast implants when I see them. I don't need to see that confirmed in a well lit shot you trying to post on a twin bed and look sexy. See, it's sh!t like this that makes me not want to jump back into the dating pool. It's bad enough when you have to worry about her cheating on you with a guy, but now the young ones are all about sleeping with girls too. And they wonder why they're still alone. 

Somebody just smash me in the head with a frying pan and revive me from my coma when I'm 30. Sid I say 30? Better make it 40. I'd be so much happier to put this nightmare behind me and wake up to dating milfs my own age when they've settled down a bit.


----------



## angstire

Nsweet said:


> Somebody just smash me in the head with a frying pan and revive me from my coma when I'm 30. Sid I say 30? Better make it 40. I'd be so much happier to put this nightmare behind me and wake up to dating milfs my own age when they've settled down a bit.


First world problems Nsweet, if only I knew the sh!t I do now at your age. 

And yes, girls who say they're bisexual or bicurious are the BSC variety. I'm sure those girls are out there, but my experience has been if they say that, run.


----------



## Nsweet

BSC?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> BSC?


Bat
Sh!t
Crazy


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> When did it become trendy for women to claim "bi-sexual" or "bi-curious" status on their dating profiles?
> 
> I just logged in to my dating profile tonight, which is just basic because I'm never going back to that being a premium member of that site. I haven't even been there in over a year, except for occasionally opening my email and seeing what the women who checked me out look like. Every woman that messaged me or clicked on my profile bi-something on her profile. Since when did this become popular or sexy? That's not sexy, that just tells me you joined a dating site and you don't know what the hell you're looking for.
> 
> And these women.... Ok, I don't have to be a mind reader to know why they're still single. I recognized a few princesses, a crazy chick, a few wh*res, some alcoholics, and then there was one who's About Me said this: "Nothing beats the pleasure I get from tying my lover up and torture him with pleasures. Chains and whips send chills up my spine." And you're looking for a relationship with that date-bait?
> 
> And these are the women in my age bracket! Half of them are holding up booze for selfies, and the other half is showing me too much and ruining the fantasy. I know breast implants when I see them. I don't need to see that confirmed in a well lit shot you trying to post on a twin bed and look sexy. See, it's sh!t like this that makes me not want to jump back into the dating pool. It's bad enough when you have to worry about her cheating on you with a guy, but now the young ones are all about sleeping with girls too. And they wonder why they're still alone.
> 
> Somebody just smash me in the head with a frying pan and revive me from my coma when I'm 30. Sid I say 30? Better make it 40. I'd be so much happier to put this nightmare behind me and wake up to dating milfs my own age when they've settled down a bit.



Ya better make that 85-90 ns , they get worse buddy, a lot worse. . 
The dike thing yeah l know seems to be the look for awhile now doesn't it, l don't get it or care. Although my ex was genuinely bi her whole life actually but not just a trend chaser. l always thought if she ever left it'd be for a chick. She did prefer the male of the species though lucky for me .

I often think - isn't anyone else seeing some of these selfies ? Don't their friends tell them how ridiculous they are? Seen lots of booze holding shots too , l thought that must've just been my site, as well as just about anything else you can think off. One girl has 10 pictures of her dog , yep but not one where you get a good look at her - ask the dog out maybe .
But if they even hints about her sex life l'm spinning wheels out of there. Sooo tacky, disgusting really and l mean imagine who they know that might see it, wtf ! And what your laying down sex life sh!t when you haven't even met him yet, over the fkg internet , man l just don't get it.

l mean l haven't checked out what the guys put on there's , well l did once and next min some were asking me out :rofl:
So l decided to steer clear and wing it.

l mean and don't get me wrong , there's also no shortage of really normal decent looking girls on mine too , no worries there or l wouldn't be on it. But hell some of these others get you worried don't they .


----------



## whitehawk

Really though , hell not like l'd expect to meet anyone really worthwhile on them anyway. And l find if l do find one l'm really keen on something happens or they disappear or some sh!t.
Or , you have one hair on your head that isn't exactly as they ordered :scratchhead: on their date site shopping list so they don't get back , or disappear or whatever the hell they seem to do.

l tend to , well since l started going into mine again , just hang out on it for a bit of fun really- until l get a real life :rofl:

But then l often think hell l accidentally met my wife on the much simpler real world version 18yrs ago so hey , meantime anything can happen, who knows.
We were both in that one just mucking round too so !

ps , l've actually had quite a few emails really ,especially considering l wasn't even going into it. But really , not from any one like what l'd usually go for . But some of them much worse too and soooo far of the mark you just wonder you know - people must see themselves so differently to what they really are ! And your left thinking so what , you think you and l would be some kind of match - what the ! l really just don't get some of the people out there !


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet, it's simpler than that.

Marking "bisexual" on their profiles implies that they'd be cool with a MFF threesome... Which, of course, is every stereotypical man's fantasy, according to pornography... So they think it makes them more attractive to men, and that gets them more hits.

Which it usually does, because we're stupid.

On dating sites, women will often exaggerate their sexuality to match the porn star fantasies they've been told men want in order to make themselves more attractive and get more dates.


----------



## jpr

Ok....so, I am going to admit something VERY embarrassessing:

I was watching a rerun of Millionaire Matchmaker last night.



Anyway, the matchmaker said that she thinks intimacy comes first in a relationship, and then you become friends later.

Hmmmm....:scratchhead:

That got me thinking. At first I didn't agree with that statement...but, now I sort of think that may be true. 

Once I have placed a guy in a 'friends' category, it is really hard for me to find him sexually attractive....even if he is.


----------



## whitehawk

Another dumb question . How does this work , if at all ?

Anytime l look at someones profile , a day or two later l notice they look at mine , maybe a few times .
ls that normal , is that the thing everyone does with internet dating and the guys Que / signal to email her or what's the go - if any ?

l mean maybe it's nothing but sometimes l notice to, if l go back and look at hers 3 or 4 times , she might look at mine 3 or 4 times too afterward .
l'd assume if she didn't like something she wouldn't keep going back so is that suppose to be the write to me signal or ?


----------



## angstire

Yes, whitehawk, if she looks after you look, this is the online equivalent of returning your gaze across the bar. As the male of the species now it's time to initiate the first email. Women of your sex rank will rarely start the convo.

Isolate and escalate come later.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dude. I am so lost here.

Are you guys talking about someone looking at your profile? How do you know if they have looked at your profile? Does it tell you? What sites are those?

Has anyone used Tinder? Hahaha.



jpr said:


> Once I have placed a guy in a 'friends' category, it is really hard for me to find him sexually attractive....even if he is.


Me, too. Almost always. The Friend Zone is a real thing.


----------



## Dollystanford

If I don't want to jump your bones when I first lay eyes on you then I probably never will 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> If I don't want to jump your bones when I first lay eyes on you then I probably never will


:rofl: See, there is something to that entire "A woman knows if she is going to sleep with you from the moment/a few minutes after meeting you."


----------



## angstire

Tinder is smartphone, easy, look at me dating. Haven't used, but then I think I fall out of their demo. 

With Match, you can tell when someone looked at your profile and the most recent is first. So, if you go back and she's first at noon and at 6 and at 8, she's a stalker, but she likes you!


----------



## angstire

I explained to D16 about the friend zone yesterday. How some guys think they can win their way out of it and they're wrong. She agreed.


----------



## vi_bride04

Who looked at who's profile, winks, flirts, "wants to meet you"....ugh this whole online dating is confusing. I don't respond to anything but a message in my inbox!!

And I really think the whole "bi" thing is a joke. It's just another "look at me, pay attention to me, I'm a slvt and have no boundaries with either sex!!!" 

Maybe guys are just that horrible at sex now so all the chicks are turning gay?? I don't know but I think woman who enjoy other women have never had an orgasm from a dude. Cuz come on...no clam is going to be able to do to me what a nice stiff rod can...Lmao


----------



## unsure78

yea i agree with everyone... anyone who has been friend zoned with me has never gotten out of that...


----------



## Pbartender

angstire said:


> I explained to D16 about the friend zone yesterday. How some guys think they can win their way out of it and they're wrong.


There are guys who _look_ like they won their way out of it... But those guys were never actually in the friend zone.


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> And I really think the whole "bi" thing is a joke. It's just another "look at me, pay attention to me, I'm a slvt and have no boundaries with either sex!!!"


Bad date that I had a month or so ago; the first date that turned into bad sex and a cold drive to her car. She broke out how much she enjoyed looking at other women and how many threesomes she had during our first pint.  First pint!!!!

My BSC-sense was screaming run, but the rationalization hamster, said, _no, this is cool, this is going to crash and burn in a week, but it will be so much fun in the meantime, focus on the fun aspect, no one is getting married here._ Stoopid rationalization hamster--he was wrong, it was not fun.

Girls who say they are bi on their profiles, before the first date, tread cautiously my brothers, there is danger there.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Who looked at who's profile, winks, flirts, "wants to meet you"....ugh this whole online dating is confusing. I don't respond to anything but a message in my inbox!!
> *
> And I really think the whole "bi" thing is a joke. It's just another "look at me, pay attention to me, I'm a slvt and have no boundaries with either sex!!!"
> *


Yep, I agree with this 100%


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> When did it become trendy for women to claim "bi-sexual" or "bi-curious" status on their dating profiles?
> 
> I just logged in to my dating profile tonight, which is just basic because I'm never going back to that being a premium member of that site. I haven't even been there in over a year, except for occasionally opening my email and seeing what the women who checked me out look like. Every woman that messaged me or clicked on my profile bi-something on her profile. Since when did this become popular or sexy? That's not sexy, that just tells me you joined a dating site and you don't know what the hell you're looking for.
> 
> And these women.... Ok, I don't have to be a mind reader to know why they're still single. I recognized a few princesses, a crazy chick, a few wh*res, some alcoholics, and then there was one who's About Me said this: "Nothing beats the pleasure I get from tying my lover up and torture him with pleasures. Chains and whips send chills up my spine." And you're looking for a relationship with that date-bait?
> 
> And these are the women in my age bracket! Half of them are holding up booze for selfies, and the other half is showing me too much and ruining the fantasy. I know breast implants when I see them. I don't need to see that confirmed in a well lit shot you trying to post on a twin bed and look sexy. See, it's sh!t like this that makes me not want to jump back into the dating pool. It's bad enough when you have to worry about her cheating on you with a guy, but now the young ones are all about sleeping with girls too. And they wonder why they're still alone.
> 
> Somebody just smash me in the head with a frying pan and revive me from my coma when I'm 30. Sid I say 30? Better make it 40. I'd be so much happier to put this nightmare behind me and wake up to dating milfs my own age when they've settled down a bit.


They don't actually want to sleep with girls too...they do it because they think it makes them look hot to guys. That is it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> They don't actually want to sleep with girls too...they do it because they think it makes them look hot to guys. That is it.


Hey, its Lisa! :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think bisexuality is a joke. For some people, sexuality and who they are attracted to is fluid. One size does not fit all. And that is ok, too. People can get off from all kinds of things, including their same gender. To each their own.


----------



## doureallycare2

angstire said:


> DYRC
> 
> I just discovered that Match will be updated if you look at an email in your inbox, phone, etc. It doesn't even have to be on the Match site or phone app. So, Widower could have been looking at the emails and that showed him active on Match. But if he was looking at emails and claimed his account was shut off, still smells like a lie to me.
> 
> Old business at this point, but wanted to clarify as one of the Match experts on TAM Singles.


Thanks, I’m really struggling with this and don’t know why.. I made the decision I needed to let him go. I was worried about hurting him because I was having such a hard time committing. I just wanted to be sure! I wanted to know that if it was going to be just him, that he was as committed as he was saying.. I wanted to believe him. Seemed like a real standup Guy. Married 30 years, wife just died in April. I still haven’t heard anything from him and I gave in and sent a text this morning- nada back. My friends here say something was fishy also. Why can’t I just let it go..? 
I knew he wasn’t the "one" I was starting to lean to the tall guy because of widowers slight withdraw I Initiated a conversation I knew would probably end the relationship, yet I feel rejected. I have a hair apt today. Last month he waited in my salon for 2 and a half hour just so he could take me out after... Now he says I have to stay close to home for my daughter, maybe I can see you Saturday night... Isn’t that a drastic change?


----------



## Jellybeans

I wouldn't worry about Widower. If he calls you/texts back, great, if not, then no sweat. You weren't dating long right? And his wife just died in April. After 30 yrs together (and assuming even longer if they dated prior to that), I imagine it is hard for him to take up with/date another woman, no matter what.

Focus on yourself. Date others. Don't pine after people who don't chase you (easier said than done I KNOW).


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Focus on yourself. Date others. Don't pine after people who don't chase you (easier said than done I KNOW).


:iagree::iagree:

Jelly, disciple of Armani Jesus, is spreading the word of our Patron Saint....


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> :iagree::iagree:
> 
> Jelly,* disciple of Armani Jesus*, is *spreading the word of our Patron Saint*....


Hee hee! I love this! I feel like I have a halo.  You can call me Halo Bean


----------



## unsure78

French Fry your avatar is hypnotizing....


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey, its Lisa! :smthumbup:


Yes, I am around and lurking...been busy building things for all of the single BS's in the world :thumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

For the record I'm not against bisexual women in the dating scene. I do have a bisexual mom, which made for an interesting childhood. I'm very open minded and non-judgmental about people's sexual preferences! 

I just don't trust women who use their bisexuality as date-bait. And I don't like it when anyone gay, straight, bi, lesbian, or transexual talks non stop about their sexual acts in conversations where that is not acceptable. 

To me it's like if you like having sex with both men and women, or maybe you're curious about homosexual acts, keep it tame. I know you're 20-something and you just figured out how fun your vagina can be but not everybody wants to play with it as much as you do. I'm talking about the women that keep responding to my dating profile here.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I'm just going to say it......this is a strange conversation. lol


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> yea i agree with everyone... anyone who has been friend zoned with me has never gotten out of that...


There is one way out. But involves very courageous and dangerous moves. Also if it doesn't work you probably wont be friends ever again. 

That being said, I've done it, and as such learned to never do it again.


----------



## Nsweet

hope4family said:


> There is one way out. But involves very courageous and dangerous moves. Also if it doesn't work you probably wont be friends ever again.
> 
> That being said, I've done it, and as such learned to never do it again.


What are you talking about with _"very courageous and dangerous moves"_? You making the friend-zone sound like it's a POW camp. It's not! 

Let's just get one thing clear here too. Let's call the "friend-zone" what it really it.... It's the "no-sex-zone". It's just you being friends with somebody who doesn't want to f*ck you. And the way you get yourself out of the "no-sex-zone" is by using the same methods you learned about a while back. You 180!

You disappear for a while and deprogram yourself from giving them more time and attention than you're receiving in return, you get rid of that need to be with them, and you get a life. You do this for however long it takes you to forget about that one person being your entire world and then you come back and you start the attraction process all over again. 

One thing you need to remember too is that you can f*ck your self, and you can have your friends over, but once you f*ck your friends you f*ck yourself over. Meaning that if it doesn't work out you may lose them forever.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> What are you talking about with _"very courageous and dangerous moves"_? You making the friend-zone sound like it's a POW camp. It's not!
> 
> Let's just get one thing clear here too. Let's call the "friend-zone" what it really it.... It's the "no-sex-zone". It's just you being friends with somebody who doesn't want to f*ck you. And the way you get yourself out of the "no-sex-zone" is by using the same methods you learned about a while back. You 180!
> 
> You disappear for a while and deprogram yourself from giving them more time and attention than you're receiving in return, you get rid of that need to be with them, and you get a life. You do this for however long it takes you to forget about that one person being your entire world and then you come back and you start the attraction process all over again.
> 
> One thing you need to remember too is that you can f*ck your self, and you can have your friends over, but once you f*ck your friends you f*ck yourself over. Meaning that if it doesn't work out you may lose them forever.


Or, in other words, turn yourself into a hot stallion with a ton of confidence. The difference in attention is undeniable.

Seriously, the type of attention I get from women now is SO DIFFERENT. I even have husbands giving me looks for even talking to their wives.......in public.....about our kids playing together! LOL


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> What are you talking about with *"very courageous and dangerous moves"*? You making the friend-zone sound like it's a POW camp. It's not!
> 
> Let's just get one thing clear here too. Let's call the "friend-zone" what it really it.... It's the "no-sex-zone". It's just you being friends with somebody who doesn't want to f*ck you. And the way you get yourself out of the "no-sex-zone" is by using the same methods you learned about a while back. You 180!
> 
> You disappear for a while and deprogram yourself from giving them more time and attention than you're receiving in return, you get rid of that need to be with them, and you get a life. You do this for however long it takes you to forget about that one person being your entire world and then you come back and you start the attraction process all over again.
> 
> One thing you need to remember too is that you can f*ck your self, and you can have your friends over, but once you f*ck your friends you f*ck yourself over. Meaning that if it doesn't work out you may lose them forever.


Nothing really. It just got you asking. 

The dangerous part is as you say, you eff up you got to be prepared that the friendship is gone forever after that. 

I've done it, it works, but I don't know if am happy with the results. lol.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Or, in other words, turn yourself into a hot stallion with a ton of confidence. The difference in attention is undeniable.


Not what I meant. Physical attraction has nothing to do with it, and self confidence is overrated. 

What I mean is you gotta put yourself first and stop giving that special someone in the "no-sex-zone" all your time and attention if it's just hurting you. Your "friend" may not realize how you feel and may be happy with the status quo, but if you're pining over them you're wasting your life. That's why you have to have a life first and something that you enjoy that doesn't involve them. 

And one little rule of mine is to never spend too much time with friends. When you start getting sick of each other or daydreaming about f*cking them then you need a break. At least one day a week or a week off every once in a while. Never let your friends wear you out too much. 

When you come back from your little hiatus it's important to remember to not try to force the situation in your favor. Remember what I said about the "D-Technique"? Don't try to force him/her on a date with you or try to steal a kiss, just be a friend. And don't ever ever EVER try to make someone love you. 

You've actually got a better chance at getting yourself out of the "no-sex-zone" if you agree to terms and put your friend in the "friend-zone" too. You know, get close to them and listen to them without trying to make magic happen. And date someone else for god sake. It's weird but people who never took a shot with you will want you when they can't have you, and that seems to work better when you're dating someone else than just holding strong boundaries.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Not what I meant. Physical attraction has nothing to do with it, and self confidence is overrated.
> 
> What I mean is you gotta put yourself first and stop giving that special someone in the "no-sex-zone" all your time and attention if it's just hurting you. Your "friend" may not realize how you feel and may be happy with the status quo, but if you're pining over them you're wasting your life. That's why you have to have a life first and something that you enjoy that doesn't involve them.
> 
> And one little rule of mine is to never spend too much time with friends. When you start getting sick of each other or daydreaming about f*cking them then you need a break. At least one day a week or a week off every once in a while. Never let your friends wear you out too much.
> 
> When you come back from your little hiatus it's important to remember to not try to force the situation in your favor. Remember what I said about the "D-Technique"? Don't try to force him/her on a date with you or try to steal a kiss, just be a friend. And don't ever ever EVER try to make someone love you.
> 
> You've actually got a better chance at getting yourself out of the "no-sex-zone" if you agree to terms and put your friend in the "friend-zone" too. You know, get close to them and listen to them without trying to make magic happen. And date someone else for god sake. It's weird but people who never took a shot with you will want you when they can't have you, and that seems to work better when you're dating someone else than just holding strong boundaries.


Right, which basically is saying have more self confidence. Go out, be yourself, don't worry about the results. Just have fun. Let all the other crap take care of itself. 

I'm telling you. If you are hot, smart, nice, funny, have a stable career that you are passionate about, have emotional intelligence, and compassionate........friend zone isn't something you even think about. It just isn't. You don't even care about it. Funny thing is: EVERY GUY READING THIS COULD BE THESE THINGS!


----------



## Dollystanford

Not every guy can be hot


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Not every guy can be hot


Because Dolly has high standards.:rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Dollystanford said:


> Not every guy can be hot


Where there is a will there is a way......


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Let me rephrase: If you have neglected yourself for 30 years, yeah, you probably are screwed.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Let me rephrase: If you have neglected yourself for 30 years, yeah, you probably are screwed.


No, I'm pretty sure no matter what shape you're in somebody somewhere wants to hit that. They just may not be what you would want to sleep with.


----------



## COGypsy

And no guy is going to be hot to every girl.....or vice versa.


----------



## unsure78

d2h and jelly may want to look at this is impossible thread in lad btw
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> d2h and jelly may want to look at this is impossible thread in lad btw


What do you mean? Why?

Where? Lad?

I'm confused!


----------



## unsure78

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/159097-impossible-new-post.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> What do you mean? Why?
> 
> Where? Lad?
> 
> I'm confused!


Apparently we are bitter, JB. Imagine that. I'm bitter. LOL. My gf is hot, smart, has a great career, and is one of the most caring people I have ever met. I've lost 60 lbs. My social network has more than doubled. I have more friends than I have ever had in my life. (including college) I just got promoted at work 6 months ago into an upper management position and given a 20k/year raise. My kids love me and have forged a dynamic relationship with me. My ex is getting her second divorce in the past two years making herself look foolish.......and I'm bitter. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/159097-impossible-new-post.html
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL Just saw it! 



Dedicated2Her said:


> Apparently we are bitter, JB. Imagine that. I'm bitter. LOL. My gf is hot, smart, has a great career, and is one of the most caring people I have ever met. I've lost 60 lbs. My social network has more than doubled. I have more friends than I have ever had in my life. (including college) I just got promoted at work 6 months ago into an upper management position and given a 20k/year raise. My kids love me and have forged a dynamic relationship with me. My ex is getting her second divorce in the past two years making herself look foolish.......and I'm bitter. :rofl:


I know right?! We can be bitter together. And dating is EVIL and no one should ever ever date for as long as they live. 

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

No wonder your girlfriend snatched you up! You sound like a catch!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> No wonder your girlfriend snatched you up! You sound like a catch!


Ha! Thanks. I don't know about all that! I just know that life has become so peaceful for me and fun. It's funny. I never thought that getting the very thing I fought so hard to keep from happening (divorce) would give me a life that I could be proud of.


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> Yes, whitehawk, if she looks after you look, this is the online equivalent of returning your gaze across the bar. As the male of the species now it's time to initiate the first email. Women of your sex rank will rarely start the convo.
> 
> Isolate and escalate come later.



Really , uh hu . OMG l am so slow sometimes. At last , somethings adding up now , that all makes absolutely perfect sense, thanks Ang. 
Think l better put in an L plate symbol on my profile- :scratchhead: 

They must've been thinking- what's wrong with me l've given this guy enough hints  . More likely , what the hells wrong with him ! 

The funny thing is l actually really respect a girl that won't chase. 
Thanks Ang , this is a real internet dating light bulb moment for me and definitely changes things .


----------



## Another Planet

Wow you guys were busy while I was away lol
Where do I start on my last 24 hrs.....
I guess first what I actually care about new Match girl got interesting today.
I messaged her this AM to just see what she is into for casual banter to keep things going and it is weekend time so I thought maybe I could grab her for lunch or something. She did the usual "oh you know I'm game for everything".....I personally hate that answer, shows me you lack confidence in yourself. At the least say fkn watching movies or slitting my wrists or something gad! 
So anyway she follows with *"oh by the way I turned my Match account off"*
I have been chosen??? 0_0


----------



## Nsweet

Yes, you've been chosen. 

OR

That was her way of rejecting you. $10 says she was lying and she either turns her account back on in a few days, or she blocked you.


----------



## Another Planet

Ehh here this what she sent me, I guess she did say something she liked. Whoops I was working and just glanced at the message...

Hey ***! 
I usually get things done when I have spare time. Lol
Still discovering "me" so I'm trying new things.
Found out I like movies, bowling, relaxing lol. Sunshine water sand lolololol
I'm usually up for anything people throw at me 
I deactivated my match account just so you know :/


----------



## Another Planet

And I go...

Oh?! But you are getting my emails?
Well then...lol. Too much drama on Match?

And she goes...

Yes I'm getting your emails.. 
Just tired of it. It's getting old. I made a few friends and now it's time to see where they go... 
Maybe I'll go back maybe not.... :


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, I call bullsh!t. 

And "Discovering me"?.... She's trying to tell you that she's no longer interested in dating anyone from Match. 

Better let her go, because she doesn't know what she wants and she's probably not going to be in the right frame of mind to commit to you or anyone else if she's "trying to find herself".


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> And I go...
> 
> Oh?! But you are getting my emails?
> Well then...lol. Too much drama on Match?
> 
> And she goes...
> 
> Yes I'm getting your emails..
> Just tired of it. It's getting old. I made a few friends and now it's time to see where they go...
> Maybe I'll go back maybe not.... :


You're in the friend-zone.


----------



## Another Planet

Wtf


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Wtf


Yeah.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Yeah.


Am I a moron or what cause I couldn't catch any friend zoning, Actually the opposite she was very cold at first then it went to excited emoticons and exclamation points all over the 20 emails a night/day and i have been her VIP for a month now since this all started...:scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

Notice how she said _"I made a few friends"_? She's including you in that category. And did you see anything in there about you? Didn't think so. 

Plus how she's not really responsive to you, she'll answer your emails but she does it much later. Yeah, a woman who's really into you will risk life and limb to contact you much sooner and much more often. 

And when she said _"now it's time to see where they[friends] go... Maybe I'll go back maybe not...."_ She's telling you she wants to see other people and that she probably won't be back. But with the way she's acting she's not really a friend now is she.


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Nsweet, it's simpler than that.
> 
> Marking "bisexual" on their profiles implies that they'd be cool with a MFF threesome... Which, of course, is every stereotypical man's fantasy, according to pornography... So they think it makes them more attractive to men, and that gets them more hits.
> 
> Which it usually does, because we're stupid.
> 
> On dating sites, women will often exaggerate their sexuality to match the porn star fantasies they've been told men want in order to make themselves more attractive and get more dates.


You think PB , ha , that puts a totally different light on things.
Not that l'm into threesomes anymore or anything but this actually turns that stuff around and into quite a nice gesture really .

ps , and now l read a lot of the girls have chipped in on this one and l'm back to thinking it's a look at me thing. Ahwell frankly, lucky for me l couldn't give a damn haha.


----------



## Another Planet

If she doesn't offer up her number in the next couple days I'll agree


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Am I a moron or what cause I couldn't catch any friend zoning, Actually the opposite she was very cold at first then it went to excited emoticons and exclamation points all over the 20 emails a night/day...:scratchhead:


Emoticons don't mean jack sh!t. And lots of these "!!!!!!" mean the person you're talking too seriously lacks self confidence. 

Did you notice how she suddenly grew cold on you and didn't exactly chase you down to tell you she's logging of Match for good to be with you.

That's because she's found someone else.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> If she doesn't offer up her number in the next couple days I'll agree


What makes you think she's going to call you or text you if she's barely even emailing you now? 

It's over man.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Notice how she said _"I made a few friends"_? She's including you in that category. And did you see anything in there about you? Didn't think so.
> 
> Plus how she's not really responsive to you, she'll answer your emails but she does it much later. Yeah, a woman who's really into you will risk life and limb to contact you much sooner and much more often.
> 
> And when she said _"now it's time to see where they[friends] go... Maybe I'll go back maybe not...."_ She's telling you she wants to see other people and that she probably won't be back. But with the way she's acting she's not really a friend now is she.


Yes I noticed she didn't say anything about me exclusively and these responses were immediate for the most part...I was working so I would check my phone every now and then.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Yes I noticed she didn't say anything about me exclusively and these responses were immediate for the most part...I was working so I would check my phone every now and then.


Who is doing the initiating here? And you emailing her and she's swiftly responding to you, or is she sending you a bunch of emails throughout the day? About what percentage would you say she's contacting you to you responding to her?


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Dude. I am so lost here.
> 
> Are you guys talking about someone looking at your profile? How do you know if they have looked at your profile? Does it tell you? What sites are those?
> 
> Has anyone used Tinder? Hahaha.
> 
> 
> 
> Me, too. Almost always. The Friend Zone is a real thing.



Yeah but your not suppose to fk with friends anyway so really who cares. Anytime l've crossed that one it feels so off just not right , l've wished l could undo it.

Someones probably said already , still reading but anyway , the sites have a viewed thingo. It's a bit weird sometimes but with mine anyone you look at will show up at their end and vise verse .
You can even tell if your being stalked . bit creepy till you get use to it.


----------



## whitehawk

Dollystanford said:


> If I don't want to jump your bones when I first lay eyes on you then I probably never will
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yep l'm exactly the same Dolly.
l never get people saying time time , l don't need time. lf it's not there at first glance then it never will be with me.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Who looked at who's profile, winks, flirts, "wants to meet you"....ugh this whole online dating is confusing. I don't respond to anything but a message in my inbox!!
> 
> And I really think the whole "bi" thing is a joke. It's just another "look at me, pay attention to me, I'm a slvt and have no boundaries with either sex!!!"
> 
> Maybe guys are just that horrible at sex now so all the chicks are turning gay?? I don't know but I think woman who enjoy other women have never had an orgasm from a dude. Cuz come on...no clam is going to be able to do to me what a nice stiff rod can...Lmao


Ahh vi vi vi , that's so funny . l hear ya .
PS , l don't think l should even be aloud into an internet date site, talk about a duck out of water :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

doureallycare2 said:


> Thanks, I’m really struggling with this and don’t know why.. I made the decision I needed to let him go. I was worried about hurting him because I was having such a hard time committing. I just wanted to be sure! I wanted to know that if it was going to be just him, that he was as committed as he was saying.. I wanted to believe him. Seemed like a real standup Guy. Married 30 years, wife just died in April. I still haven’t heard anything from him and I gave in and sent a text this morning- nada back. My friends here say something was fishy also. Why can’t I just let it go..?
> I knew he wasn’t the "one" I was starting to lean to the tall guy because of widowers slight withdraw I Initiated a conversation I knew would probably end the relationship, yet I feel rejected. I have a hair apt today. Last month he waited in my salon for 2 and a half hour just so he could take me out after... Now he says I have to stay close to home for my daughter, maybe I can see you Saturday night... Isn’t that a drastic change?


l wouldn't take anything 30yr guy to heart Dolly , not at all.
30 yrs and just lost her in April , the daughter , hell this guy shouldn't even be out on the streets yet , really. He will be absolutely stormed in mind and heart.
Just let him go l'd say , he needs another year at least and if it is something for him , he needs to come back to you later when he has worked through all his grief and feelings .
He might do that you know , but right now , you just wouldn't know what you are really seeing in him, he needs much more time.

lf you thought he really is the one then you will just need to be very very patient and wait for him.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Who is doing the initiating here? And you emailing her and she's swiftly responding to you, or is she sending you a bunch of emails throughout the day? About what percentage would you say she's contacting you to you responding to her?


OK she is a single mom of twin 5yr old girls and works full time. She knows what I do and that I am busy and sometimes I won't respond for days because of work and everything but when I finally do it's usually all day emailing...
And then there is that, you are allowed to VIP status someone 1 time per week, that person has been me for 4 weeks in a row maybe 5. Why wouldn't she just VIP other guys?

Well either way I am going to tread lightly because I do see the subtle tests going on now...I am either plan B, friendzone, or topdog and thoroughly being tested

edit* and she views my profile everyday...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Ehh here this what she sent me, I guess she did say something she liked. Whoops I was working and just glanced at the message...
> 
> Hey ***!
> I usually get things done when I have spare time. Lol
> Still discovering "me" so I'm trying new things.
> Found out I like movies, bowling, relaxing lol. Sunshine water sand lolololol
> I'm usually up for anything people throw at me
> I deactivated my match account just so you know :/



Personally , now no offense Ap , but when l read all the still discovering "me" crap bs , l run , fast .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Personally , now no offense Ap , but when l read all the still discovering "me" crap bs , l run , fast .


Ok you guys...ahhhhh!
She was divorced this last April of course she is finding her self again, she spent her 20's married to some ass!
Hell I was married 18 days ago! lol


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> OK she is a single mom of twin 5yr old girls and works full time. She knows what I do and that I am busy and sometimes I won't respond for days because of work and everything but when I finally do it's usually all day emailing...
> And then there is that, you are allowed to VIP status someone 1 time per week, that person has been me for 4 weeks in a row maybe 5. Why wouldn't she just VIP other guys?
> 
> Well either way I am going to tread lightly because I do see the subtle tests going on now...I am either plan B, friendzone, or topdog and thoroughly being tested
> 
> edit* and she views my profile everyday...


You should have told me all of this earlier.

Ignore whatever I said earlier, because it sounds to me like she's just so busy with everything that she's either too busy or stressed out to date. From the looks of what she said she was probably testing the waters but not ready to jump into the dating pool just yet.


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Ok you guys...ahhhhh!
> She was divorced this last April of course she is finding her self again, she spent her 20's married to some ass!
> *Hell I was married 18 days ago*! lol


Actually I just realized I haven't mentioned this too her... uh oh


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Ok you guys...ahhhhh!
> She was divorced this last April of course she is finding her self again, she spent her 20's married to some ass!
> Hell I was married 18 days ago! lol


Ok, here's my advice to you. Keep in touch with her but cool your jets a little. Let her have some time to herself to find herself and get over her ex. Just be her friend right now and hear her out if she wants to talk about what she's going through, but don't pressure her either. Most importantly, follow the 180 and *DO NOT CHASE!*


----------



## whitehawk

lt's funny sitting on the fence round here right now , my life as it is.
For once l'm women free , what if's free , wtf is she doing or thinking free , sleep all day and trash the house in my own filth free :rofl:
Hell l can even watch the tennis all day and all night free.

l'm freeeeeeeee :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

That's what I am doing. Kinda feel like were in the same boat, shes really pretty, nice, local, cool, AND fits all my criteria but I am honestly still not sure I am ready to date.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Actually I just realized I haven't mentioned this too her... uh oh


That's perfect! She told you she's not ready to date right now, in her own choice of words. And she's still likes talking to you, right? 

So why not tell her this and basically AGREE with her by saying that you like her but you're not ready to date again. You thought you were ready but you need to take it slower. 

I guarantee she's going to like hearing this because you're telling her #1 that you're not going to be chasing her, #2 you can understand what she's going though, and #3 you're not going to be rushing into anything too soon. You put her in the friend-zone and she'll respect you for it.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l hear ya.

l'm really missing my daughter today , l dropped her off last night, she's been here a couple of wks. She is such a cool little absolute doll , miss her so much already.
Really , l still have soooooo much crap to figure out .

And now that the house looks like it's sold , l've been eyeing off this block for a few mths now , l hope to buy that, and l wanna build a new house on it , for me , my tastes - well as much as l can afford my tastes anyway, it'l be a whole new life . Really , there's gonna be a lot of hopefully fun stuff coming up , and headaches too , and busy busy .

Add my emotional bs to those , my business, hell l don't think l can even squeeze a women in anyway .

l'm pretty at peace about that one for now though and hey , that freedom thing, it's nice


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> That's perfect! She told you she's not ready to date right now, in her own choice of words. And she's still likes talking to you, right?
> 
> So why not tell her this and basically AGREE with her by saying that you like her but you're not ready to date again. You thought you were ready but you need to take it slower.
> 
> I guarantee she's going to like hearing this because you're telling her #1 that you're not going to be chasing her, #2 you can understand what she's going though, and #3 you're not going to be rushing into anything too soon. You put her in the friend-zone and she'll respect you for it.


That sounds more like it. I was getting more of a "filling a role" vibe from her so maybe shes not ready herself.
And those "like to do's" mirrored mine for the most part which is one thing that made my eye brow raise... Isn't that something that is redflagged?


----------



## Another Planet

Let me drink some more and maybe I will spill the beans on what happened to me last night make you guys go wtf :/


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> That sounds more like it. I was getting more of a "filling a role" vibe from her so maybe shes not ready herself.
> And those "like to do's" mirrored mine for the most part which is one thing that made my eye brow raise... Isn't that something that is redflagged?


It may be a red flag, but it's not a huge one. She's got responsibilities with her daughters so her "finding herself" is probably not going to involve partying, drugs, and unportected sex as much as it may be a learning a skill or going back to college. Put it into perspective if you can. 

*Empathy* is going to be your tool for dating this and any other woman. It's like I say about how you can play games and lie your ass off to get a woman interested in you, like all the other guys do, but only honesty and empathy will have her smiling when she sees you again. 

For a woman that's just been through a messy divorce she about doesn't want to hear your bullsh!t about how pretty and special she is, or anything else she may have heard before to get in her panties. She's got her defenses up strong because she's hurting. All she wants to hear from you is that if she wants to talk you're willing to listen, and that you're not going to chase after her because you're dealing with the same things. 

I guarantee you man, I guarantee you that if you tell her something like "I understand, take your time finding yourself again. It was really nice knowing you.", she's not going to let you go. It's like once you agree with her feelings and then back out of the fight she'll contact you. You may have to go NC for about a month but if you leave on a good note she'll remember you.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> That sounds more like it. I was getting more of a "filling a role" vibe from her so maybe shes not ready herself.
> And those "like to do's" mirrored mine for the most part which is one thing that made my eye brow raise... Isn't that something that is redflagged?



Yep she's a reddy man . 
People have to be on this discovery thing uncommitted . Their lows and hi's need to be on their shoulders .

Actually l heard very similar in different words from my beach house chick. She has no clue what she's fkg doing . First she lets me in and tells me there's never been anyone else she's let in like she did with me in 5yrs alone - there's never been anyone else like me and what we have, next she has to think about "me " - as in her , focus on her new publishing business , learn more about being a recluse , l know , huuuu !.
She's coped through the biggest pain of her life with her D though , it was so ugly, making it alone , fended off her crazy hubby , her kids and she's just now finding what she thinks is herself now . l know , she's as scary as all hell, biggest flags you've ever seen but hey , she's been through a lot too , hell and back but , she's gotta ride this train on her own for now.
She's such an incredible girl and a real natural beauty , sings beautifully too. Man to have a girl singing to you as the sun comes up , l've never felt anything like it. She has 2 cd's out. 
But she's such a mess , still . what can you do ! For my own sake l have to leave her be.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Let me drink some more and maybe I will spill the beans on what happened to me last night make you guys go wtf :/



Drink up Planet :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

That is one thing I really don't like the discovery thing, that tells me she wants me to hold her hand and take her through it, show her what she "likes"...not cool in my books.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Drink up Planet :rofl:


I just worked 16hrs on 2hrs of sleep WITH a bruised tailbone...I am either going to pass the hell out or say something stupid lol


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Yep she's a reddy man .
> People have to be on this discovery thing uncommitted . Their lows and hi's need to be on their shoulders .
> 
> Actually l heard very similar in different words from my beach house chick. She has no clue what she's fkg doing . *First she lets me in and tells me there's never been anyone else she's let in like she did with me in 5yrs alone* - *there's never been anyone else like me and what we have*, next she has to think about "me " - as in her , focus on her new publishing business , learn more about being a recluse , l mean wtf - me ran vedy fast after that one .
> She's coped through the biggest pain of her life with her D though , it was so ugly, making it alone , fended off her crazy hubby , her kids and she's just now finding what she thinks is herself now . l know , she's as scary as all hell, biggest flags you've ever seen but hey , she's been through a lot too , hell and back but , she's gotta ride this train on her own for now.
> She's such an incredible girl and a real natural beauty , sings beautifully too. Man to have a girl singing to you as the sun comes up , l've never felt anything like it. She has 2 cd's out.
> But she's such a mess , still . what can you do ! For my own sake l have to leave her be.


I call bullsh!t. This chick is crazy!

Oh, you've never done this before? And there's never been anyone like me!? Now you're telling me you're a poor delicate flower who's been bruised. Your ex husband was mean to you? Gee, I wonder why.... Now you're telling me you want to be a singer/actress?

Run like hell from this damsel in distress and don't look back. If you feel like you have to save her, you need to be the one in therapy. She will turn flip off the helpless schtick as soon as she's got you in her corner, then she's going to needle you you into becoming whatever she claimed her ex was and then she's going to passive-aggressively abuse you. 

I recognize the type all too well. This one is way too perfect with too many problems and I promise you she's not who she is pretending to be!


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> That is one thing I really don't like the discovery thing, that tells me she wants me to hold her hand and take her through it, show her what she "likes"...*not cool in my books.*


Exactly! Have you ever met a single woman that wanted your help dealing with her ex, and wasn't scamming you for drug money?

Why don't *healthy non crazy or emotionally abusive* women do this with their current love interest? Because that's what their girlfriends and chocolate is for. 

Anytime you hear all that bullsh!t about how the ex hurt her, but somehow you're different... It's a trick. It's a trick and you should probably get an axe. This type of woman uses her victim hood to lure in white knights and emotional care-takers because she absolutely positively cannot deal with her own emotions by herself. She will exhaust you over time by forcing you to take care of her because she doesn't want to do it on her own. Then when you need a break she'll throw her lure out there to a "friend" and cheat on you with the next victim, then of course she'll warp her memory of you into being that abusive ex and newest story she tells her new hero.


----------



## Jellybeans

Drink, Planet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Exactly! Have you ever met a single woman that wanted your help dealing with her ex, and wasn't scamming you for drug money?
> 
> Why don't *healthy non crazy or emotionally abusive* women do this with their current love interest? Because that's what their girlfriends and chocolate is for.
> 
> Anytime you hear all that bullsh!t about how the ex hurt her, but somehow you're different... It's a trick. It's a trick and you should probably get an axe. This type of woman uses her victim hood to lure in white knights and emotional care-takers because she absolutely positively cannot deal with her own emotions by herself. She will exhaust you over time by forcing you to take care of her because she doesn't want to do it on her own. Then when you need a break she'll throw her lure out there to a "friend" and cheat on you with the next victim, then of course she'll warp her memory of you into being that abusive ex and newest story she tells her new hero.


Dude...I am never leaving my basement... 0_0
That is some scary **** right there. I'm just going to be single for ever.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I just worked 16hrs on 2hrs of sleep WITH a bruised tailbone...I am either going to pass the hell out or say something stupid lol



l wanna go with the stupid :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Dude...I am never leaving my basement... 0_0
> That is some scary **** right there. I'm just going to be single for ever.


I'm with you on staying single. But you're on your own if you want to be a hermit. I have to get out every now and then. 

Being single kicks ass. Chicks are always trying to make you do stuff and go places, they get all upset if you just want to walk around your house naked, and they never let you eat anything you want... It's always some gross vegetarian heart healthy food. 

But you can do whatever you want if you're single! Everything except for get really fat, because come on.... You do want to laid again sometime before you die don't you? Ok pretty much everything except fat and let your hygiene go to hell.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> I call bullsh!t. This chick is crazy!
> 
> Oh, you've never done this before? And there's never been anyone like me!? Now you're telling me you're a poor delicate flower who's been bruised. Your ex husband was mean to you? Gee, I wonder why.... Now you're telling me you want to be a singer/actress?
> 
> Run like hell from this damsel in distress and don't look back. If you feel like you have to save her, you need to be the one in therapy. She will turn flip off the helpless schtick as soon as she's got you in her corner, then she's going to needle you you into becoming whatever she claimed her ex was and then she's going to passive-aggressively abuse you.
> 
> I recognize the type all too well. This one is way too perfect with too many problems and I promise you she's not who she is pretending to be!



Yes and no. Her h was [email protected]@@a {thought l better edit that ] and believe me, it was real ****. l know how that sounds but hell she didn't want me anywhere near it . 
She was a singer but no she quit that in her 20s . She's as scary as they get :iagree:

And the reason she went into alone again me mode on me was because l hurt her in the first place you see. l knew her for a few yrs as a neighbour,only by sight , and she was reclusive then because of h . But we met we were , she was falling , and then l cut and ran you see, it hurt her a lot so in the 5mth gap we didn't see each other , she reverted back into defensive.
Unforunately though yep , she is a bit crazy.
l understand what's going on with her if you had the whole picture but l can't go there that's for sure.
ps , she actually didn't want help man , none at all. Not money , nothing like that . She wouldn't even let me shout us a meal , she doesn't want to owe men anything . She actually wanted to help me with my stuff and even offered to help me finish renovating the house and l said oh yeah could be fun , l'd cut you ion a bit if you like too , big NO WAY , no need for that. 
She didn't actually lay any of her ex stuff on me. We both just talked a lot and our pasts came out to of course and hers just was what it was, a mess,


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Drink, Planet!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





whitehawk said:


> l wanna go with the stupid :rofl:


Well I can fulfill the need lol.
So ex wife came over last night. Ya know the run away train situation...
It was snowing and I needed a sitter for my kids. So she came over so I could work early in the AM.
Called me on the way over said she was hungry, weakness of mine cause I love to cook and entertain. She ended up with a steak and potato dinner per request. We cook and talk and eat together. Bottle of wine and a couple beers later...we are all over each other. I am pretty sure it is predetermined at this point what is going to happen. You know when you're at that gathering and those two people are like so perfect you know it's happening for life? ugh
Not going to lie she was being the girl I fell in love with.....
I had so much fun the whole night just her and I, I miss that person so much.....
We go to bed and it wasn't going to stop unless someone put the brakes on, well she did. 
Said she didn't want to be a booty call.....
Well there ya go probably codependency at it's finest.


----------



## Nsweet

Dude, you gotta stop drinking around your ex wife! 

You get some booze in you and all of a sudden you're cooking for her, rubbing her, kissing her, and doing everything she knows will get you... Only for her to get her fill of attention and shut you down. You're basically her little b!tch at that point. And you're not even getting sex from her anymore.

How much more of her bullsh!t are you going to fall for? She gets a free meal and half a bottle of wine every time she stops by your place and all she has to do is make out with you and/or get naked. Why not just save yourself some trouble and get a hooker. At least then you'll get the sex you want.


----------



## Another Planet

Hooker...babysitter same thing right?
Yep time to change gears. I got to dump her period.

I would love to do all this for someone who appreciates it.

*edit wow I am worse off then I thought...


----------



## Nsweet

This is why the 180 is important. You need to break the codependency cycle and then break up with your ex once and for all. 

She's not treating you like she respects you, she's treating you like you're her gay best friend with free food and booze benefits.

Maybe you should consider getting a lock and key c*ck cage. At least that way you'll have something to remind you that you can't have sex with her.


----------



## Another Planet

Stupid is all I feel right now.
How the hell is she so dumb but out smarts me every time! WTF!
Facepalm...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Well I can fulfill the need lol.
> So ex wife came over last night. Ya know the run away train situation...
> It was snowing and I needed a sitter for my kids. So she came over so I could work early in the AM.
> Called me on the way over said she was hungry, weakness of mine cause I love to cook and entertain. She ended up with a steak and potato dinner per request. We cook and talk and eat together. Bottle of wine and a couple beers later...we are all over each other. I am pretty sure it is predetermined at this point what is going to happen. You know when you're at that gathering and those two people are like so perfect you know it's happening for life? ugh
> Not going to lie she was being the girl I fell in love with.....
> I had so much fun the whole night just her and I, I miss that person so much.....
> We go to bed and it wasn't going to stop unless someone put the brakes on, well she did.
> Said she didn't want to be a booty call.....
> Well there ya go probably codependency at it's finest.



Ahhhh , you know l was gonna say , l think l can hear an ex coming , um so to speak.
Ahwell, it ain't easy man , believe me.
l know l shouldn't but l still love talking with my ex. Sometimes when l drop d off or go to see her , l'm there for hrs. We have tea , talk , laugh , this is with my d to , not only ex. 
But , it's so hard to leave sometimes. Walk away , feel nothing . We still talk and fun it up just like we always could so easily .
l know , l'm breaking all the rules , so what's new .

It's not easy though AP , we're only human.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Dude, you gotta stop drinking around your ex wife!
> 
> You get some booze in you and all of a sudden you're cooking for her, rubbing her, kissing her, and doing everything she knows will get you... Only for her to get her fill of attention and shut you down. You're basically her little b!tch at that point. And you're not even getting sex from her anymore.
> 
> How much more of her bullsh!t are you going to fall for? She gets a free meal and half a bottle of wine every time she stops by your place and all she has to do is make out with you and/or get naked. Why not just save yourself some trouble and get a hooker. At least then you'll get the sex you want.




Yoooww, lifes a [email protected] and then you die :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Yoooww, lifes a [email protected] and then you die :rofl:


Really?

My life's a b!tch, and I'm her pimp.:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

**** stupid **** ****...stupid :/


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Stupid is all I feel right now.
> How the hell is she so dumb but out smarts me every time! WTF!
> Facepalm...



Ahh , there's many different kinds of intelligence Ap. Her kind can be pretty damn tricky for us males


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Hooker...babysitter same thing right?
> Yep time to change gears. I got to dump her period.
> 
> I would love to do all this for someone who appreciates it.
> 
> *edit wow I am worse off then I thought...


she's your ex didn't you already dump her??


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> **** stupid **** ****...stupid :/




Ahh , l can't remember what happened with you guys AP but eh - lf we turn around and think we've effed up like this we can always regain our power with shutting it down quick smart next time.

Me , l can't decide if ex and me might be coming or might be still going. So l'm sorta in the still sussing mode myself as much about me as her .
So whatever's going down l use anytime around her now observing and thinking about what l actually want , do l want , all that stuff.
lt's probably not the smartest way for me to go but ahwell, l'm a work in progress !


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> she's your ex didn't you already dump her??


Yep sure did Vi. I meant dump being from my life...totally.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Ahh , *l can't remember what happened with you guys AP but eh* - lf we turn around and think we've effed up like this we can always regain our power with shutting it down quick smart next time.
> 
> Me , l can't decide if ex and me might be coming or might be still going. So l'm sorta in the still sussing mode myself as much about me as her .
> So whatever's going down l use anytime around her now observing and thinking about what l actually want , do l want , all that stuff.
> lt's probably not the smartest way for me to go but ahwell, l'm a work in progress !


I'm trying to make up a story in my head worse and I just pull tidbits from my life.


----------



## 2galsmom

There is nothing tricky at all, males.

She needs attention, likes to control, so she has Another Planet jump through hoops with the faux promise of pleasing his penis.

Not tricky at all.

Then she shuts him down for two reasons, no make that three.

1) Because she can - power, women like it just as much as men- he allows it to happen

2) She rationalizes her behavior as acceptable because she did not sleep with him, so by not having "sex" she is chaste and pure and upstanding and not the booty call she truly is

3) She did that to hurt you AP, she shut you down to hurt you, again makes her feel powerful

This is why I take breaks from TAM. I like my work focused world.


----------



## Nsweet

That was really good 2gals. Really, really good!

Keep it up.


----------



## vi_bride04

Yup, 2gals is right, the ex totally knows how to play AP and is going to continue to do it as long as he keeps allowing it.


----------



## Another Planet

ugggghhhhhh ok now looking inwards at my own problems could I probably make the assumption new Match girl fits the same criteria as ex wife because I am not ready and looking for the same outcome?


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> ugggghhhhhh ok now looking inwards at my own problems could I probably make the assumption new Match girl fits the same criteria as ex wife because I am not ready and looking for the same outcome?


That's exactly what I would have told you. Only it's not the outcome you're looking for, it's the comfort of the old ex wife but in a shiny new package. 

The only way you're going to avoid a string of bad relationships is to stay single for about a year or two and spend that time trying to figure yourself out. 

If you don't do this.... You might end up with two or three ex wives each progressively worse than the ex as you lower the bar after each one.


----------



## 2galsmom

It is a process, Another Planet. It is not easy breaking patterns of attraction that have been potentially rooted in childhood or have run amok for decades.

For years I read Cosmo and other brilliant publications that elaborated on how women should be like men and not confuse love for sex. It would seem that once again, Cosmo is shockingly ignorant. Men confuse sex for genuine affection and love, just like women. If men they don't get the whole enchilada and the woman stopped then some men she must REALLY be something special and love him, a gal of virtue.

Nope. 

I guess the genders are more alike than Cosmo realizes.

Do not fall for sex as a means of control, that means it will be used as punishment as well by people with those mindset.

No remorse for leaving you high and dry. None, unless you are withholding parts of the story.

Don't feel stupid, feel human and then decide if you want to continue with this pattern, there is an ENDLESS parade of women who will do this to you so you won't be bored if that is your fear.

18 days ago?


----------



## Another Planet

Well then. :/ I think it's time to sign up for that Wing Chun class a town over from me, get a new tattoo from my buddies shop, go watch a real opera by myself, and maybe go to Greece to take that class on gelato everyone has been trying to convince me to do.


----------



## Another Planet

2galsmom said:


> It is a process, Another Planet. It is not easy breaking patterns of attraction that have been potentially rooted in childhood or have run amok for decades.
> 
> For years I read Cosmo and other brilliant publications that elaborated on how women should be like men and not confuse love for sex. It would seem that once again, Cosmo is shockingly ignorant. Men confuse sex for genuine affection and love, just like women. If men they don't get the whole enchilada and the woman stopped then some men she must REALLY be something special and love him, a gal of virtue.
> 
> Nope.
> 
> I guess the genders are more alike than Cosmo realizes.
> 
> Do not fall for sex as a means of control, that means it will be used as punishment as well by people with those mindset.
> 
> No remorse for leaving you high and dry. None, unless you are withholding parts of the story.
> 
> Don't feel stupid, feel human and then decide if you want to continue with this pattern, there is an ENDLESS parade of women who will do this to you so you won't be bored if that is your fear.
> 
> *18 days ago?*


Yes I am technically divorced 18 days ago. One criteria to get her to sign was joint taxes for 2013. We have been separated out of house since July.


----------



## 2galsmom

Ah yes, taxes. Don't remind me.

Good luck Another Planet.


----------



## ne9907

hi 2galsmom!!

We missed you!~


----------



## Another Planet

2galsmom said:


> There is nothing tricky at all, males.
> 
> She needs attention, likes to control, so she has Another Planet jump through hoops with the faux promise of pleasing his penis.
> 
> Not tricky at all.
> 
> Then she shuts him down for two reasons, no make that three.
> 
> 1) Because she can - power, women like it just as much as men- he allows it to happen
> 
> 2) She rationalizes her behavior as acceptable because she did not sleep with him, so by not having "sex" she is chaste and pure and upstanding and not the booty call she truly is
> 
> 3) She did that to hurt you AP, she shut you down to hurt you, again makes her feel powerful
> 
> This is why I take breaks from TAM. I like my work focused world.


Thank you


----------



## Nsweet

It could be worse AP. At least you didn't get your ex wife pregnant before your divorce or catch an STD from her. All you have to deal with is taxes and a little annoyance from her. 

I got an idea. You need you a friend to c*ck block you the next time she comes over.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Shes all yours brother... I have tried to get her hooked up to get out of my life and hasn't worked.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Shes all yours brother... I have tried to get her hooked up to get out of my life and hasn't worked.


And you think I would want her? Dude, that monkey's paw is all yours.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh , the good old [email protected] intelligence , the most dangerous kind :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Shes all yours brother... I have tried to get her hooked up to get out of my life and hasn't worked.


How is putting that much energy into her going to help you? 

Instead of trying to "hook her up" you should spend that effort on yourself and work on boundaries.

I am really surprised you are trying to date while still being so involved with your ex. No wonder you are so confused.


----------



## jpr

Hey, AnotherPlanet....

I haven't posted in a while, and I have been reading about your 'adventures'. Yeah...I agree with VI. I don't get it. :scratchhead:....it sounds like you are still involved with your ex, so why go prowling on Match? 

I am not one to advise people not to experiment with dating. Life is an adventure, and it is fun to meet new people and learn their stories--and maybe even eventually become part of their story. But, geez. I don't think I would be dating anyone right now if I were you. It sounds like your head and heart and *ahem* 'hammer'  are all jumbled up. 

It is January--the month that inspires organization and tidiness. I think I would take this month and organize and tidy up your brain. Maybe wait until after Valentine's Day to try the dating thing? 

P.S....Wing Chun is cool and sexy. My hat is really into Wing Chun.


----------



## unsure78

what is wing chung?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

It is a martial arts. My hat moved a contraption that looks like this into my spare empty room:










I thought it was some sort of sex thing at first.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I thought it was some sort of sex thing at first.


yowzer!! That would be quite the ummmm....experiment Lmao


----------



## Dedicated2Her

So, for the first time in FOREVER, last night I went out to see a band with the lady and another couple and didn't have a drop of alcohol. Usually, you can count on at least a beer or something! I did enjoy watching drunk people dance to the 80s cover band. 


I think I might be getting serious about this crossfit stuff. Competition today, and I kept myself on the straight and narrow this week. No alcohol since last saturday night. HMMMMMM.


----------



## doureallycare2

Nsweet said:


> I know you're 20-something and you just figured out how fun your vagina can be but not everybody wants to play with it as much as you do. I'm talking about the women that keep responding to my dating profile here.



OMG.. you had me laughing so hard.....!!


----------



## doureallycare2

Another Planet said:


> OK she is a single mom of twin 5yr old girls and works full time. She knows what I do and that I am busy and sometimes I won't respond for days because of work and everything but when I finally do it's usually all day emailing...
> And then there is that, you are allowed to VIP status someone 1 time per week, that person has been me for 4 weeks in a row maybe 5. Why wouldn't she just VIP other guys?
> 
> Well either way I am going to tread lightly because I do see the subtle tests going on now...I am either plan B, friendzone, or topdog and thoroughly being tested
> 
> edit* and she views my profile everyday...



if you dont mind my saying..... horse sh&%. with technology the way it is today it only takes a second to shoot off an email or text and say im thinking of you or i dont have time for conversations but hope you have a great day.. whats this dont have time to respond for days crap. you would definitly be my plan b if you did that. Theres a couple of old sayings. "the early bird gets the worm and slow and steady wins the race".


----------



## doureallycare2

Nsweet said:


> Exactly! Have you ever met a single woman that wanted your help dealing with her ex, and wasn't scamming you for drug money?
> 
> Why don't *healthy non crazy or emotionally abusive* women do this with their current love interest? Because that's what their girlfriends and chocolate is for.
> 
> Anytime you hear all that bullsh!t about how the ex hurt her, but somehow you're different... It's a trick. It's a trick and you should probably get an axe. This type of woman uses her victim hood to lure in white knights and emotional care-takers because she absolutely positively cannot deal with her own emotions by herself. She will exhaust you over time by forcing you to take care of her because she doesn't want to do it on her own. Then when you need a break she'll throw her lure out there to a "friend" and cheat on you with the next victim, then of course she'll warp her memory of you into being that abusive ex and newest story she tells her new hero.


wow hun, you have a very skewed way of looking at things. not all woman that have been hurt by their x's are scammers or looking for you to fix them or their life. they may not know what they want and thats ok.. it takes time to find yourself after being hurt. what they dont need is more judgement that they did or are doing something wrong.. go easy on these young woman a little bit. dont be so harsh. if it looks like a pattern you dont lkike simply get out but examin yourself also while your doing it.


----------



## doureallycare2

whitehawk said:


> l wouldn't take anything 30yr guy to heart Dolly , not at all.
> 30 yrs and just lost her in April , the daughter , hell this guy shouldn't even be out on the streets yet , really. He will be absolutely stormed in mind and heart.
> Just let him go l'd say , he needs another year at least and if it is something for him , he needs to come back to you later when he has worked through all his grief and feelings .
> He might do that you know , but right now , you just wouldn't know what you are really seeing in him, he needs much more time.
> 
> lf you thought he really is the one then you will just need to be very very patient and wait for him.


I totally hear you WH, and thank you for your insight. I told him right from the start that he was probably not ready but we would take it slow. I didnt know if I was ready eather (one of the reasons I was still dating multiple guys) he seemed to fall hard and fast (but daughter was away to school so also probably very lonley). I reconize that I although I really came to care for him (could have maybe fallen in love) I wouldnt let myself because of his vulerabilty and mine. Anyways he called last night and apoligized. we had a great conversation. I told him I felt like I was loosing a friend when he totally shut down. he expressed his hurt that I questioned his integrity and his hurt that he felt he was pulling me into a volcano of pain and drama with his daughter. I feel much better. I needed to pull away but without hurting him and he needed to pull away without hurting me. I really beleive that I was probably the best person he could have had that "1st" romance with. he had a small taste of romance, love, companionship to help him realize that there will be a time to come that he can heal and move on. Hopefully he experenced a little emotional healing for his soul.
Meanwhile I go on....  Im going to a concert with tall guy tonight. but even if I wasnt, life is good after divorce. hard but good.. this emotional drama of dating you can keep though!! lol...


----------



## hope4family

doureallycare2 said:


> wow hun, you have a very skewed way of looking at things. not all woman that have been hurt by their x's are scammers or looking for you to fix them or their life. they may not know what they want and thats ok.. it takes time to find yourself after being hurt. what they dont need is more judgement that they did or are doing something wrong.. go easy on these young woman a little bit. dont be so harsh. if it looks like a pattern you dont lkike simply get out but examin yourself also while your doing it.


Not all women indeed. But certainly more then a few. 

I have female friends who have been hurt by an ex but don't use it as a lure. There are those, that is all they do. 

I am confident that women suffer the same problem with men who have been hurt and they try and be a caretaker for him.


----------



## Another Planet

doureallycare2 said:


> if you dont mind my saying..... horse sh&%. with technology the way it is today it only takes a second to shoot off an email or text and say im thinking of you or i dont have time for conversations but hope you have a great day.. whats this dont have time to respond for days crap. you would definitly be my plan b if you did that. Theres a couple of old sayings. "the early bird gets the worm and slow and steady wins the race".


LOL thats fine, you aren't me. I have 3 kids and own and run my businesses, sometimes I work days straight with only a few hours of sleep and for some reason I am not in the mood to play "get to know you" games let alone my brain even function enough to do that. She usually will get a quick message if I am really busy that I will get back with her when I can and hope her day was good.
For the record if you cant understand that and with an attitude like yours you wouldn't even be in my game plan 


Is there some confusion on how far this situation with new Match girl has gone? It seems like some of you expect that I should be responding to her with I love yous and stuff?


----------



## doureallycare2

Another Planet said:


> LOL thats fine, you aren't me. I have 3 kids and own and run my businesses, sometimes I work days straight with only a few hours of sleep and for some reason I am not in the mood to play "get to know you" games let alone my brain even function enough to do that. She usually will get a quick message if I am really busy that I will get back with her when I can and hope her day was good.
> For the record if you cant understand that and with an attitude like yours you wouldn't even be in my game plan
> 
> 
> Is there some confusion on how far this situation with new Match girl has gone? It seems like some of you expect that I should be responding to her with I love yous and stuff?


ROFL.. Toche' I wasnt saying the text had to be " luv yous"..... just thought of you, or good morning...however if your not thinking of her dont.. be sincere and dont give false hopes.. just dont think she will wait around for you to "make" time for her or to get to know her if you really are interested...


----------



## doureallycare2

Oh and the reason I have stuck with my mr tall guy for so long, (even though he has been a slow mover)slow and steady.... was his good morning beautiful comments...  he also owns his own business/ 30 employess that he oversees. travels to texas, ohio and NYC every week. he will send me a pic of his hotel room or a resturant hes eating at... it just lets me know hes thinking of me.


----------



## Another Planet

Well I am very interested in her BUT how many times do you women say a new guy was to clingy or needy especially right away and you just write them off?! 
And then there is the 180 that is so highly praised. I am just going to keep doing my thing and if it works out it does, if she likes me and can put up with my **** then I can see us getting along for awhile.


----------



## Another Planet

Again we aren't that far along, I don't even have her number yet. IF I do get it don't worry she will be getting all the attention in the world. But I am not going to drown her with attention ATM. Especially when she might be playing the field with others and I refuse to directly compete with other men for a woman. I will be myself and if I stand out over the others great but I will not lower myself down to the level of direct competition.


----------



## Nsweet

doureallycare2 said:


> wow hun, you have a very skewed way of looking at things. not all woman that have been hurt by their x's are scammers or looking for you to fix them or their life. they may not know what they want and thats ok.. it takes time to find yourself after being hurt. what they dont need is more judgement that they did or are doing something wrong.. go easy on these young woman a little bit. dont be so harsh. if it looks like a pattern you dont lkike simply get out but examin yourself also while your doing it.


You don't understand. I'm actually talking about a certain type of personality disorder, without calling it a personality disorder, which comes through as the damsel-in-distress or prince-in-peril act. It seems like I'm being harsh on all women, but that's not the case. What I'm talking about here is a rare personality disordered type that comes on strong with a needy helpless act and then morphs into an abusive passive-aggressive codependent. Ever hear of a borderline waif?

Get to know me and read my story before you judge me.


----------



## unsure78

its getting a little tense in here... so i vote getting back to the sexy...

date night with SA... hehe we are totally going to makeout tonight  (though need to work on that kiss of his)

3x and Vi what is date status for tonight... how about you jelly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> You don't understand. I'm actually talking about a certain type of personality disorder, without calling it a personality disorder, which comes through as the damsel-in-distress or prince-in-peril act. It seems like I'm being harsh on all women, but that's not the case. What I'm talking about here is a rare personality disordered type that comes on strong with a needy helpless act and then morphs into an abusive passive-aggressive codependent. *Ever hear of a borderline waif?*


Yes, I was married to one.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dinner date with karaoke hat tonight. Wed I am meeting shrink4men hat as long as our schedules still match up


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> its getting a little tense in here... so i vote getting back to the sexy...
> 
> date night with SA... hehe we are totally going to makeout tonight  (though need to work on that kiss of his)
> 
> 3x and Vi what is date status for tonight... how about you jelly?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Ahh , l'm watching the tennis :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Scratch that no date tonight...hanging with friends instead


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Scratch that no date tonight...hanging with friends instead


what happened?

wh... nice tennis...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Rather hang with friends


----------



## Another Planet

Pizza and movie night here...by myself  lol

Talking with new Match girl, found out we have the same weekends off for kids :smthumbup:
She is very guarded, I should know this already among other things.....


----------



## doureallycare2

Thank you Whitehawk that was sweet to say...


----------



## doureallycare2

Im back from date with tall guy. we ended up skipping the concert he was going to take me to. went to dinner and watched SU beat Penn.. Yeh! (now we just have to beat Duke next week..) then went to a movie. I guess its a good thing when you wish the date lasted longer? I dont know I got into physical relationship so fast with the widower and this one seems to be moving so slow but I guess thats a good thing.. Im really thankful of these last tow guys widower and tall guy. they have restored my faith in gentlemen and that honor is not dead.


----------



## vi_bride04

Had a great time with my peeps, much more than I would have had with karaoke hat...so that should prob tell me something huh? Lol


----------



## Another Planet

I think my life is so boring but then here it is almost 12 and I am thinking about what I have done AND what has happened to me today.....


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I think my life is so boring but then here it is almost 12 and I am thinking about what I have done AND what has happened to me today.....


Been drinkin?


----------



## Another Planet

NO and yes now.....


----------



## Another Planet

Predisposed dispositions and assumptions of another says more about you then the person you are judging. I'm out atleast for the moment, have a good night TAM singles... fist bump


----------



## unsure78

date with SA was really good... he he we made out, better kissing this time.... im starting to like like him.... not sure if that's good... a little apprehensive about going down the feelings train again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Well, l decided it's time l become a fully fledged paying member on a date site.
So after hrs of reading reviews l finally chose one and - l'm goin in 

So strange, l'm payed up, setup, and l'm looking through the women.
Mind you , this is after finally , hours of reading what people have to say about them, their experiences , success-not ! l tell you , people don't have very nice things to say about internet date sites do they . 1 in 15 might say something good but the rest , hooly dooley 
lt doesn't sound like too many people like the damn things does it , or have any luck on them. 
This is about the 3rd time l'm made an effort to do this and ended up throwing my hands in the air every time . Yet a lot of people round TAM seem to at least hook up with new people on them.

Anyway to actually pay up and go in actually looking, knowing that if you did see someone from now on you could follow it up if you want, strange , very very strange !
l mean l am still on the fence but l just thought maybe it's time l browse at least. So your reading through all these women you know, they're asking for things , ordering things, saying stuff that is just so fkg irrelevant when she hasn't even met the damn guy yet . l mean it's reverse isn't it ?
You know in real life you might not know some of this stuff about your own husband or wife let alone someone you just actually met somewhere and chucking them a form they must read first. lt's so bizarre isn't it !
l mean of course you have to give people some idea it over the damn internet but it's just bizarre . lt's as if everyone's shopping and think it's just a matter of going out for a pair of shoes or onto eBay for something.

Too weird !


----------



## whitehawk

Ahwell . What's 70 bucks , who cares l guess . l mean l wouldn't expect to meet ms right like that but l guess it is at least a bit of an out let while your doing nothing else.


----------



## whitehawk

Funny really and l'm sorry to bring this up knowing 1/2 of you guys are buried in snow right now . But my d and l were down the beach the other day . Few girls around and we're eying each other off .

So l'm filling out my brand new profile tonight and laughing to myself thinking hmmm. l must make some copies of this so next time l'm out l can just hand these to the girls and wait for them to email me :rofl:


----------



## jpr

I don't know, WhiteHawk....I think that success on a dating site has a lot to do with attitude.

I think a lot of people like to blame their 'unsuccessfulness' on something or someone else. Sure, dating sites are not for everyone...but, I have a hard time believing that only 1 in 15 people are happy with dating sites.

I think that the people who are most successful on those sites have a less-serious attitude. ....I think the people who are most disappointment have too many expectations for the site. It is not a 'made to order' dating site---where you are specify everything that you want and get EXACTLY the person you are looking for.

...and I think that some people are afraid to look outside of the box a bit. If you are not finding success, then why not expand your horizons? Expand your age limit? ...try on a hat that perhaps has a different look than what you *think* you are looking for? I think a lot of people are reluctant to try on different types of hats. --and don't write off someone just because their photo isn't quite what you are looking for. Sometimes some people are better in person---and sometimes not. You just have to try.

Dating sites are fun! ....or at least they can be fun if you have the right attitude.

To me, blaming the dating site for your non-success is like blaming the bar you are at when your pick up lines all fail.


----------



## doureallycare2

Another Planet said:


> NO and yes now.....


ROFL... I had a few to many margerettas last night.. dont feel great right now but I sure did last night...


----------



## doureallycare2

jpr said:


> I don't know, WhiteHawk....I think that success on a dating site has a lot to do with attitude.
> 
> I think a lot of people like to blame their 'unsuccessfulness' on something or someone else. Sure, dating sites are not for everyone...but, I have a hard time believing that only 1 in 15 people are happy with dating sites.
> 
> I think that the people who are most successful on those sites have a less-serious attitude. ....I think the people who are most disappointment have too many expectations for the site. It is not a 'made to order' dating site---where you are specify everything that you want and get EXACTLY the person you are looking for.
> 
> ...and I think that some people are afraid to look outside of the box a bit. If you are not finding success, then why not expand your horizons? Expand your age limit? ...try on a hat that perhaps has a different look than what you *think* you are looking for? I think a lot of people are reluctant to try on different types of hats. --and don't write off someone just because their photo isn't quite what you are looking for. Sometimes some people are better in person---and sometimes not. You just have to try.
> 
> Dating sites are fun! ....or at least they can be fun if you have the right attitude.
> 
> To me, blaming the dating site for your non-success is like blaming the bar you are at when your pick up lines all fail.


I agree and disagree >) I think your right with looking outside your box a little. In a past life I would have never looked twice at the widower. he was not ugly but not handsome and definitly not in shape and over weight. However he had such a great smile and sweet way of talking to me on that cofee date then when he asked to see me again for lunch I said what the heck.. and every time I saw him after that he just charmed me.

However I do think the majority dont work, it doesnt mean however that you can be one of the lucky ones.. my son met his wife online. they are both very attractive and highly sucessful. shes a lawyer and hes a child behavior counselor, she said that she was very picky though and if the guy didnt meet all of her check list no second date..


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## vi_bride04

Online dating I think is just one route to go. I haven't had horrible experiences but haven't been super impressed either. I think it all comes down to what you want and looking for. I am not specifically looking for a relationship. If I find someone I click with great and Iwould pursue it, but for right now, I am just enjoying spending time with the OS and seeing the different types of personalities out there. I am on a free site, so I'm sure that plays into the quality of people as well - people that are way more serious about dating or finding a romantic interest I would think would pay for a membership. Maybe thats a bad assumption and maybe just as many who are paying for a membership are playing games still. Who knows.


----------



## doureallycare2

whitehawk said:


> Funny really and l'm sorry to bring this up knowing 1/2 of you guys are buried in snow right now . But my d and l were down the beach the other day . Few girls around and we're eying each other off .
> 
> So l'm filling out my brand new profile tonight and laughing to myself thinking hmmm. l must make some copies of this so next time l'm out l can just hand these to the girls and wait for them to email me :rofl:


what site are you on... I found match to be the best. hated plenty of fish but met at least two nice guys on it. the only one Im still on and I have 8 days left... lol is OurTime... havnt met any keepes yet on that site but seems more tame.


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## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Online dating I think is just one route to go. I haven't had horrible experiences but haven't been super impressed either. I think it all comes down to what you want and looking for. I am not specifically looking for a relationship. If I find someone I click with great and Iwould pursue it, but for right now, I am just enjoying spending time with the OS and seeing the different types of personalities out there. I am on a free site, so I'm sure that plays into the quality of people as well - people that are way more serious about dating or finding a romantic interest I would think would pay for a membership. Maybe thats a bad assumption and maybe just as many who are paying for a membership are playing games still. Who knows.


Only reason why I paid up on Match is because I think the ones who don't look like cheap asses...and I am not a cheap ass and don't want to look like one 
Does it even have other benefits? I wouldn't know since I have always paid.
I judge SOME of the women because of it. Like the ones who are obvious gold diggers in their profile and they won't pay for the premium membership...NOPE!!! pass, I'm not taking care of that ass.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Funny really and l'm sorry to bring this up knowing 1/2 of you guys are buried in snow right now . But my d and l were down the beach the other day . Few girls around and we're eying each other off .


Yep! I am totally jealous! Enjoy the beach. It's freezing here!


----------



## Another Planet

This morning ahhh!
I'm trying to process all this yet, I think I have it nailed down though. 

So question for the women here, I guess the guys too cause they might have experienced the same.
Is there like a fantasy complex women have? Like do some guys just automatically be placed in that category of just fantasy? 

Last night I had my exwife sending me dirty pics, another girl I haven't told you guys about yet asking me for dirty pics, and then I was emailing with new Match girl trying to be serious lol.

I have questioned before if that is the way women see me especially because of these last couple years with the women trying to cheat with me to get out of their ****ty marriages and the continued messages they send me.....
Then now what my wife is doing to me and how she treats me...

Stupid thing is is I wouldn't know why I would be placed in the "fantasy" category because I'm not that hot and I'm not loaded rich.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Well I can fulfill the need lol.
> So ex wife came over last night. Ya know the run away train situation...
> It was snowing and I needed a sitter for my kids. So she came over so I could work early in the AM.
> Called me on the way over said she was hungry, weakness of mine cause I love to cook and entertain. She ended up with a steak and potato dinner per request. We cook and talk and eat together. Bottle of wine and a couple beers later...we are all over each other. I am pretty sure it is predetermined at this point what is going to happen. You know when you're at that gathering and those two people are like so perfect you know it's happening for life? ugh
> Not going to lie she was being the girl I fell in love with.....
> I had so much fun the whole night just her and I, I miss that person so much.....
> We go to bed and it wasn't going to stop unless someone put the brakes on, well she did.
> Said she didn't want to be a booty call.....





Another Planet said:


> Stupid is all I feel right now.
> How the hell is she so dumb but out smarts me every time! WTF!
> Facepalm...


:rofl: These posts had me cracking up so hard, AP! This reminds me so much of my ex and I. We could not quit eachother/stop sleeping together for the longest. Eventually we just had to stick a knife in it. Bwahahaha.


----------



## Jellybeans

UGGGGH. All my posts keep getting erased after I type them out!

Planet: I tend to only put fantasy men in those categories of like celebrities--Keanu Reeves. But generally if I am into a man I want to get with him, not simply fantasize about him. It speaks to that whole thing about how women may know if they want to bed you or not early on (knowing early on if they want to sleep with you). I think your ex wife may see you as someone of a challenge/fantasy because you are a free agent now. So you have a mysterious appeal that perhaps you've not had before for her.

As for the married chicks--tell them to take a hike. Don't toy with that. Not worth it. They may just need an ego boost and tell them you are not down w/ that.


----------



## RandomDude

That's it, going to find a FWB
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> date night with SA... hehe we are totally going to makeout tonight  (though need to work on that kiss of his)
> 
> 3x and Vi what is date status for tonight... how about you jelly?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How'd your make out sesh go? 

No date for me this weekend but I did go out with Grandpa last week. It was fun. 

I did have an EPIC night of karaoke with my friends on Friday and I was the best worst singer. Great times! Did see one weirdo from my gym there at the bar who is kind of hot in this nerd-doesn't-talk-to anyone ever-way. For as long as I remember, I have had a nerd affinity. The strange ones turn me on. Reminds me of high school when I had a crush on the biggest dork in our school. He was not conventionally handsome or cute even but he would talk about physics and chemistry in a way that totally blew my mind. Nobody knew wtf he was talking about but his brain was so sexy to me. Anytime I said hi to him he seemed so startled. Poor thing.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: These posts had me cracking up so hard, AP! This reminds me so much of my ex and I. We could not quit eachother/stop sleeping together for the longest. Eventually we just had to stick a knife in it. Bwahahaha.


Well glad I could be of service and make you laugh 



Jellybeans said:


> UGGGGH. All my posts keep getting erased after I type them out!
> 
> Planet: I tend to only put fantasy men in those categories of like celebrities--Keanu Reeves. But generally if I am into a man I want to get with him, not simply fantasize about him. It speaks to that whole thing about how women may know if they want to bed you or not early on (knowing early on if they want to sleep with you). I think your ex wife may see you as someone of a challenge/fantasy because you are a free agent now. So you have a mysterious appeal that perhaps you've not had before for her.
> 
> As for the married chicks--tell them to take a hike. Don't toy with that. Not worth it. They may just need an ego boost and tell them you are not down w/ that.


Well I do know I don't like it, it's like they get infatuated and IF anything starts to happen it will burn out in a couple months but they still will keep me elevated to some attractive to them level. 
Oh yeah and then there is my ex ex exGF who I had a quick couple month fling after my wife and I seperated...I found out from her friends and family that all these years she still had very serious feelings for me, her Mom told me she would like to see me stick around because exGF is REALLY into me. And even her ex knew who I was to her and I guess when he found out he was just like "seriously him, I'm out, can't compete".....wtf but yet here I am all alone 

And then there is my godfather who had just passed away this last Spring died of cancer and he was only 56 years old. He was a player and slept with 1000's of women. On his death bed he told my mom and dad that he wishes he would have just found someone like my Mom and settled down.
He died all alone 

Anyway if it's something about me that I can change I want to start working on it so this stops sometime in the future.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Oh yeah and then there is* my ex ex exGF *


LOL to the bolded...



Another Planet said:


> who I had a quick couple month fling after my wife and I seperated...I found out from her friends and family that all these years she still had very serious feelings for me, her Mom told me she would like to see me stick around because exGF is REALLY into me. And even her ex knew who I was to her and I guess when he found out he was just like "seriously him, I'm out, can't compete".....wtf but yet here I am all alone


Whoa. Sounds like you made a serious impression. Have you ever reached out to her since? Did you think she liked you a lot when you were with her? It sounds like she def did!



Another Planet said:


> And then there is my godfather who had just passed away this last Spring died of cancer and he was only 56 years old. He was a player and slept with 1000's of women. On his death bed he told my mom and dad that he wishes he would have just found someone like my Mom and settled down.
> He died all alone
> 
> Anyway if it's something about me that I can change I want to start working on it so this stops sometime in the future.


Aw. That is really sad about your godfather passing away so young.  I hate cancer! 

Why do you think it is "something about" you that you need to change? Granted, there is always room for improvement in all of us but you just have to feel different people out and see what words best with ya.


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## vi_bride04

Man had such a great time last night - haven't laughed that hard in so long. Excellent dinner at a resturant we haven't been in years, great beer on tap, then back to my friends place where we all played board games and drank some more. I was the 5th wheel but still had a blast. Its kinda funny, hanging out with couples makes me realize what I don't miss about relationship life!! Hahahaha


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah she is an ex from before I was married, we have been off and on more times then I can count. Probably totally dysfunctional but incredibly passionate.
I have not reached out, everyone tells me to but I don't think I will. I deleted her from my life once again.
And yes I know what I heard is true. There was this one time after a session of bedroom gymnastics she was laying there on her stomach all naked and sexy and I was laying next to her just looking at her and she lifts her head up looks at me with a smile and that love twinkle in her eye you girls get then buries her face in her hands and says "I can't believe this is happening".....a couple weeks later we are done.
I think it all actually scares her, she is a child of divorce and I am sure is intimidated by real commitment. Which is probably why we have been on and off again so much.
I'm pretty sure she is engaged now, some ugly old ****** guy. She does that so she can detach easily.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL Saw this on FB


----------



## Paradise

Jellybeans said:


> How'd your make out sesh go?
> 
> No date for me this weekend but I did go out with Grandpa last week. It was fun.
> 
> I did have an EPIC night of karaoke with my friends on Friday and I was the best worst singer. Great times! Did see one weirdo from my gym there at the bar who is kind of hot in this nerd-doesn't-talk-to anyone ever-way. For as long as I remember, I have had a nerd affinity. The strange ones turn me on. Reminds me of high school when I had a crush on the biggest dork in our school. He was not conventionally handsome or cute even but he would talk about physics and chemistry in a way that totally blew my mind. Nobody knew wtf he was talking about but his brain was so sexy to me. Anytime I said hi to him he seemed so startled. Poor thing.


Jelly, did I mention that I teach college physics? :smthumbup:

Just giving you a hard time. But....I really do teach college physics.


----------



## Another Planet

2galsmom said:


> I LMAO when I saw that on Facebook, I had no idea the men appreciated as well. Say no to being a Prince or a Princessm say yes to being an independent you and see where the path takes you and see you meet on your journey - the other people in your lives are fellow travelers and not destinations.
> 
> I am going to devote a whole blog post to that in a few weeks.
> 
> At any rate, I have more pressing problems. Were you the one who mentioned you had a Pinterest account Another Planet? I want to use it to pin recipes but often when I pin I end up with just a photo. I mean what is the point? A picture of Almond French Toast? What? I am supposed to just look at it? Kinda boring, am I doing something wrong? When I pin Martha's stuff I get a recipe too, I highly recommend the Spinach-Ginger smoothie.


No wasn't me sorry. I don't do pinterest and have no idea about it. I know you like post stuff on it like a collection board but that is all.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> How'd your make out sesh go?
> 
> No date for me this weekend but I did go out with Grandpa last week. It was fun.
> 
> I did have an EPIC night of karaoke with my friends on Friday and I was the best worst singer. Great times! Did see one weirdo from my gym there at the bar who is kind of hot in this nerd-doesn't-talk-to anyone ever-way. For as long as I remember, I have had a nerd affinity. The strange ones turn me on. Reminds me of high school when I had a crush on the biggest dork in our school. He was not conventionally handsome or cute even but he would talk about physics and chemistry in a way that totally blew my mind. Nobody knew wtf he was talking about but his brain was so sexy to me. Anytime I said hi to him he seemed so startled. Poor thing.


make out went well... he improved this time, maybe he was nervous last time?

yea though im starting to like like him... must keep my eyes open and feelings in check, and we havent even had sex yet.... i must say im a bit more gun shy about having feelings for someone than i was last time with the engy... 

im going to keep things slow and steady for now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Paradise said:


> Jelly, did I mention that I teach college physics? :smthumbup:
> 
> Just giving you a hard time. But....I really do teach college physics.


welcome to the party paradise!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Yeah she is an ex from before I was married, we have been off and on more times then I can count. Probably totally dysfunctional but incredibly passionate.
> I have not reached out, everyone tells me to but I don't think I will. I deleted her from my life once again.
> And yes I know what I heard is true. There was this one time after a session of bedroom gymnastics she was laying there on her stomach all naked and sexy and I was laying next to her just looking at her and she lifts her head up looks at me *with a smile and that love twinkle in her eye you girls get *then buries her face in her hands and says "I can't believe this is happening".....a couple weeks later we are done.
> I think it all actually scares her, she is a child of divorce and I am sure is intimidated by real commitment. Which is probably why we have been on and off again so much.
> I'm pretty sure she is engaged now, some ugly old ****** guy. She does that so she can detach easily.


Interesting! So why so much off and on? It seems you two have a connection if you keep going back to eachother/ending up together at points in time. Did you ever officially date or is it more a fling thing? Has it been a years-long thing? Why do you guys end it so many times? Or is it one of those things where it's not like officially ended but you just drift apart? I am always fascinated by off/on lovers. Did you ever/do you have genuine feelings for her? What do you think of her?

Oh and I looove the "love twinkle" comment. That is adorable. Haha who knew women got "the love twinkle?"

LOVE that Facebook post. Hilarious.



Paradise said:


> Jelly, did I mention that I teach college physics? :smthumbup:
> 
> Just giving you a hard time. But....I really do teach college physics.


:smthumbup::smthumbup: Professor Paradise!  That is awesome!



unsure78 said:


> yea though im starting to like like him... must keep my eyes open and feelings in check, and we havent even had sex yet.... i must say* im a bit more gun shy about having feelings for someone* than i was last time with the engy...


Why do you think that is?



2galsmom said:


> vi_bride04 I am glad you had fun and JB I am glad Grandpa is still alive and kickin.


He might well not be once I finally get my proper pretty little hands on him. Muahahaha. 

Grandpa's gonna need a life alert buzzer.

He is the oldest man I have ever made out with. Hee. 
I wonder if he thinks about our age difference sometimes. Or maybe that is just me projecting that I think about it.

2Gals--I have no clue how Pinterest works so I can't give you any advice on that. Very cool about your blog.


----------



## unsure78

hmm... the engy was my first and only real post D relationship...long story... but i loved him very very much and it ended somewhat unexpectedly... he really and trully broke my heart more than my exh....

SA is the first guy since we broke up that im developing feelings for and i can tell that i could potentially go the distance wih him and make it to a relationship status.... so thats a bit scary, coupled with him being freshly D. Though im not going to let my fears rule me, im still going to take a chance... live is boring if you never take a risk...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

have you heard from grandpa at all jelly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> This morning ahhh!
> I'm trying to process all this yet, I think I have it nailed down though.
> 
> So question for the women here, I guess the guys too cause they might have experienced the same.
> Is there like a fantasy complex women have? Like do some guys just automatically be placed in that category of just fantasy?
> 
> Last night I had my exwife sending me dirty pics, another girl I haven't told you guys about yet asking me for dirty pics, and then I was emailing with new Match girl trying to be serious lol.
> 
> I have questioned before if that is the way women see me especially because of these last couple years with the women trying to cheat with me to get out of their ****ty marriages and the continued messages they send me.....
> Then now what my wife is doing to me and how she treats me...
> 
> Stupid thing is is I wouldn't know why I would be placed in the "fantasy" category because I'm not that hot and I'm not loaded rich.



l do know exactly what you mean but first l just wanna ask - Jesus Christ , where do you find all these women asking you for dirty pics all night ? And the ex man , maybe you guys should've just stayed together and be done with it :scratchhead:
Hey doesn't ex have any boyfriends or is she not interested, what's the go with her anyway ?

But l can relate in a way that l'm often scratching my head as to the the two types of girls that take any notice of me and in two totally different ways.
One type is the younger girls , thankfully often very nice looking and along my types , they look at me in a relationship sense. And they'd be the sort of girls that l'd look at that way too , as well as others :smthumbup: but yeah , who l'd be eying off.

But then there's the other types , they could be anything , from any walk of life and totally chalk and cheese to me. They might be older or have 6kids or be so far from anything even remotely like what l'd go for in one way or another and like it would be obvious . Why they even take any notice is beyond me but it is in a totally different way .
Maybe that's the fantasy sh!t , no idea.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: These posts had me cracking up so hard, AP! This reminds me so much of my ex and I. We could not quit eachother/stop sleeping together for the longest. Eventually we just had to stick a knife in it. Bwahahaha.[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> 
> Had to knife it - l like it . l just finished asking him why but yeah l can see how you mean in this, maybe that's it.
> l've had it in trying to split with gf's in the past but not my ex now. lt's all too serious and painful to even think of going backwards in that sense to me.
> 
> Come to think of it though maybe that's why she often looks a bit stunned or disappointed when l say l'm going , maybe she thinks of stuff like this , hmm , don't know don't know !


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting! So why so much off and on? It seems you two have a connection if you keep going back to eachother/ending up together at points in time. Did you ever officially date or is it more a fling thing? Has it been a years-long thing? Why do you guys end it so many times? Or is it one of those things where it's not like officially ended but you just drift apart? I am always fascinated by off/on lovers. Did you ever/do you have genuine feelings for her? What do you think of her?
> 
> Oh and I looove the "love twinkle" comment. That is adorable. Haha who knew women got "the love twinkle?"
> 
> .


:scratchhead: I have NO idea why the off/on? It's just what we have always done. I think the longest time together was 2yrs, we lived together for a year or so. She is very.....busy I guess would be a good way of putting it. She is all over the place, just when you think you have her locked down she is selling everything and moving 45minutes away. 
She is so much fun though. One weekend during the latest time out of the blue she came and picked me up to go buy a puppy 3hrs away. So we traveled up and down the northeast coast of Michigan site seeing and staying in random hotels eating random food. Just her, me, and this puppy. Why? Because she wanted a puppy that's why lol. It was so much fun and so romantic.
We click, we don't need to even talk but when we do it's just fluid...like 6hrs will just disappear. 
Every single time we get back together it's so amazing I am just left wondering why we ever stopped. 

I'm not going to lie, I am in love this girl. But this is just what we do. I might see her again I might not. 

The last time I saw her before this was literally 10yrs ago, I put her in her car and told her good bye shut her door and walked away.

Then last year about March I get an email from her requesting landscape renovation at her house. I email her back after a week or so and I'm just like "Are you frkn serious?! I know you know who this is!"..... I meet her at her place to do the design and I knew from the moment I saw her I still loved her, the way she moved and talked and interacted with her kids and her pets and me.....

I'm not going anywhere, and even if I do trust me she will find me again if she wants to. She always does.

And yes the "love twinkle", it's like a full body deep sigh mixed with a high pitched elated scream but you see it in her eyes?! lol
I have lucked out and seen it a quite a few times towards me and also women looking at their man. Very cool



whitehawk said:


> l do know exactly what you mean but first l just wanna ask - Jesus Christ , where do you find all these women asking you for dirty pics all night ? And the ex man , maybe you guys should've just stayed together and be done with it :scratchhead:
> Hey doesn't ex have any boyfriends or is she not interested, what's the go with her anyway ?


lol... I don't know where they come from man 
I must admit it is a lot of work keeping up with them. 

No way on staying with the exwife, I divorced her ass. She fcks **** up. 
I feel so much better not being responsible for her.
I've tried to convince her to get a man but I don't know, she says she isn't interested.


----------



## whitehawk

Yah right. Oh well the other ex , the ex ex , she sounds great l love her already so l can see your problem.
How old is she , she might always just be like that. l know one friend of ours she's 51 and is still everywhere. Chops and changes and even with 5 kids , doesn't stop her.
She's just hooked up with my mate 3yrs ago , hope she doesn't screw him over , he's been through a lot.
Her daughter was also my daughters best friend and she was the same even at 12. Million things in her head at once, chopping , bouncing, darting everywhere. Great girl , funny to be around though , just like mum.
Anyway , can see the dilemma .

Sounds like ex still loves you man , well maybe . More than anything in the way that she's not interested in anyone else. That's usually the first thing they do. You's got kids or ?

Hey , think you need another drink :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

How does all the Facebook stuff work?

l'm always hearing someone found and old flame or even met a new one on face book. 

Not that l even use it but l did join up and had a little wonder about.
But from what l can see , unless you know the area they are living in now , which could be 20yrs later and anywhere, you can't track them down.

The search doesn't seem to be able to hone in on say a name or even just the whole state for example - have l got that right ?
Or a country for that matter unless you wanna name a town in that country but then it just gives you that town but you might need to look over the whole state or say a few hr radios of a town or something . 
Or they could be interstate , what if you have no idea what town, what state ?

From what l can tell , unless you have a town , you just get a big list from the whole country , could be 1.000s of that same name. 

ls that right or what's the go ?

And how do people actually meet someone new on Facebook ?
What do you just see someone you like and email them or something ?

l've got some old friends l'd like to look up and find but they could be anywhere ?


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> I don't know, WhiteHawk....I think that success on a dating site has a lot to do with attitude.
> 
> I think a lot of people like to blame their 'unsuccessfulness' on something or someone else. Sure, dating sites are not for everyone...but, I have a hard time believing that only 1 in 15 people are happy with dating sites.
> 
> I think that the people who are most successful on those sites have a less-serious attitude. ....I think the people who are most disappointment have too many expectations for the site. It is not a 'made to order' dating site---where you are specify everything that you want and get EXACTLY the person you are looking for.
> 
> ...and I think that some people are afraid to look outside of the box a bit. If you are not finding success, then why not expand your horizons? Expand your age limit? ...try on a hat that perhaps has a different look than what you *think* you are looking for? I think a lot of people are reluctant to try on different types of hats. --and don't write off someone just because their photo isn't quite what you are looking for. Sometimes some people are better in person---and sometimes not. You just have to try.
> 
> Dating sites are fun! ....or at least they can be fun if you have the right attitude.
> 
> To me, blaming the dating site for your non-success is like blaming the bar you are at when your pick up lines all fail.


Yeah it would l guess like anything really.
People don't seem to have had very good runs though , just google date site user reviews , scary .
You get a few good ones in there but even 1/2 of those sound suspiciously like an employee doing a plug for that site.

Unfortunately too , any of the free ones have hardly anyone in them anywhere near me though. l mean l don't mind forking out a few bucks anyway just to give it a run. Would cost me the same for a few drinks out somewhere so you know.
l joined RSVP because it looked like just about anyone within an hr or two of my area were on there , 100s and 100s , that was more like it even if 1/2 are fake it'll still quadruple any of the others for around here.
But it also had the best reviews by a mile too so.

Anyway , not taking it too seriously . lt was more the gobsmack of actually being paid up and getting into all the good bits and then actually taking in what your seeing . Scary stuff .

But even so far to l did find to lots of what seem like very genuine people as well at least, that's a feel good


----------



## Paradise

:smthumbup::smthumbup: Professor Paradise!  That is awesome!


If I could get my PhD finished you could call me "Doctor Paradise!" Hmmmm....This could be a fun role play game! 

Jelly, curious, but how old is this "grandpa?"


----------



## Another Planet

Whitehawk I will trade you man...tonight I just had to kick my exwifes ass out of my house cause shes still ****in around AND a married woman is texting me drunk wanting to know how much I like her. 
It's all you Bossman! You bored and want excitement take it it's yours!


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> How does all the Facebook stuff work?
> 
> l'm always hearing someone found and old flame or even met a new one on face book.
> 
> Not that l even use it but l did join up and had a little wonder about.
> But from what l can see , unless you know the area they are living in now , which could be 20yrs later and anywhere, you can't track them down.
> 
> The search doesn't seem to be able to hone in on say a name or even just the whole state for example - have l got that right ?
> Or a country for that matter unless you wanna name a town in that country but then it just gives you that town but you might need to look over the whole state or say a few hr radios of a town or something .
> Or they could be interstate , what if you have no idea what town, what state ?
> 
> From what l can tell , unless you have a town , you just get a big list from the whole country , could be 1.000s of that same name.
> 
> ls that right or what's the go ?
> 
> And how do people actually meet someone new on Facebook ?
> What do you just see someone you like and email them or something ?
> 
> l've got some old friends l'd like to look up and find but they could be anywhere ?


Nope it's really easy to find people.


----------



## ne9907

I am an self proclaimed expert at finding people on FB or any other place. I only need their name and a location of where they lived. I am so vey good, it is scary!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am an self proclaimed expert at finding people on FB or any other place. I only need their name and a location of where they lived. I am so vey good, it is scary!


That's a good start. 

Still not as cool as reverse searching people's emails to find the GPS coordinates of where they sent it from. And social hacking facebook with 3 made up friends to steal their passwords so you can write embarrassing things about them on their wall.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> That's a good start.
> 
> Still not as cool as reverse searching people's emails to find the GPS coordinates of where they sent it from. And social hacking facebook with 3 made up friends to steal their passwords so you can write embarrassing things about them on their wall.:rofl:


Damn!
Steal a password for me....


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Damn!
> Steal a password for me....


It's not easy to do. You need three friends with facebook accounts to send him a friendship request and hope he accepts all of them. Assuming of course that this is your ex. Then you have to do the facebook password retrieval thing as that person but using a friend's email (NOT yours). And if all goes well and facebook hasn't caught onto this trick you'll receive an email to change their password to whatever you want and you should be let in. However their new phone alert thing makes it kinda hard to do all of this quick enough. 

The only other option is to send them a Trojan horse virus attached to another file and try to steal their email account passwords. Why email? Because people are really stupid and usually use the same passwords for their email and have everything tied into one main account making it easy to retrieve lost passwords. 

There's an even easier way too! The new wifi hacker out there are able to retrieve everything you send out on public hot spots. Which would be anything you log into like facebook or TAM. All you would need is here is someone sitting close enough to them in a hot spot with a program to retrieve all the information everybody is sending out. It's like listening in on a bunch of people's conversation with a recorder that isolates each one. 

Scary stuff!


----------



## Paradise

Angel....How are ya doing? Haven't seen much of your posts around here lately. Maybe I'm missing something.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> It's not easy to do. You need three friends with facebook accounts to send him a friendship request and hope he accepts all of them. Assuming of course that this is your ex. Then you have to do the facebook password retrieval thing as that person but using a friend's email (NOT yours). And if all goes well and facebook hasn't caught onto this trick you'll receive an email to change their password to whatever you want and you should be let in. However their new phone alert thing makes it kinda hard to do all of this quick enough.
> 
> The only other option is to send them a Trojan horse virus attached to another file and try to steal their email account passwords. Why email? Because people are really stupid and usually use the same passwords for their email and have everything tied into one main account making it easy to retrieve lost passwords.
> 
> There's an even easier way too! The new wifi hacker out there are able to retrieve everything you send out on public hot spots. Which would be anything you log into like facebook or TAM. All you would need is here is someone sitting close enough to them in a hot spot with a program to retrieve all the information everybody is sending out. It's like listening in on a bunch of people's conversation with a recorder that isolates each one.
> 
> Scary stuff!


holy crap!!!! Nope, I did not know any of that stuff....


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I am an self proclaimed expert at finding people on FB or any other place. I only need their name and a location of where they lived. I am so vey good, it is scary!


But ne , what if it was 15yrs ago and you have no clue where they live now and there might be hundreds in a search ?

That's my point , can you still find them , how ?

And how do people meet people on facebook ? What just by saying hello to someone you find or what's the go ?

Actually more couples seem to meet on facebook than anywhere by the reviews and stuff you hear !

ps , can you give me the dummy version of how to's !


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Whitehawk I will trade you man...tonight I just had to kick my exwifes ass out of my house cause shes still ****in around AND a married woman is texting me drunk wanting to know how much I like her.
> It's all you Bossman! You bored and want excitement take it it's yours!



Always loved some excitement Planet , basically costed my marriage  l'd make a much better gypsy than hubby :rofl:

Speakin of marriage , now l know you must be fed up by now of us all delving your love life but who's the married one then ?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Whitehawk I will trade you man...tonight I just had to kick my exwifes ass out of my house cause shes still ****in around AND a married woman is texting me drunk wanting to know how much I like her.
> It's all you Bossman! You bored and want excitement take it it's yours!


You haven't shut the married one down yet!? 

That should be a REALLY easy thing to do "sorry, I don't get involved with married women, goodbye" or ask her why she isn't asking her husband if he likes her instead of trolling the internet for a piece of cake.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> You haven't shut the married one down yet!?
> 
> That should be a REALLY easy thing to do "sorry, I don't get involved with married women, goodbye" or ask her why she isn't asking her husband if he likes her instead of trolling the internet for a piece of cake.


yep exactly... i aways say i dont play with married men... one of my rules
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I Don't Think So, Homie Don't Play Dat - YouTube


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> Whitehawk I will trade you man...tonight I just had to kick my exwifes ass out of my house cause shes still ****in around AND a married woman is texting me drunk wanting to know how much I like her.
> It's all you Bossman! You bored and want excitement take it it's yours!


Ummm...dude.

Do you get off on this drama or something? ...do you crave attention from different (& unhealthy) sources?

There is a real easy solution to your 'problem'--just don't respond to the married woman. And don't talk to you ex-wife or allow her in your house.

There. Problem solved.

Now, feel free to move on with your life in healthy and positive direction.


----------



## Another Planet

MW- Denver baby! (shes big into football)
AP- Are you drinking?
MW- Yes  I'm drunk AP
AP- lol
MW- Do you feel lucky that I think of you when I have been drinking?
AP- you are really drunk
AP- you aren't driving right?
MW- No I'm home and a friend drove
AP- That's good
MW- AP what do you really think of me?
AP- You're cool...not sure what you're asking...but you're married
MW- I know AP, If I wasn't I would spend time getting to know you. I just really don't know what I'm doing
AP- I know, Just don't want you getting in trouble. I hope you have a good night.
MW- I did...and you won't get me in trouble...I'm a big girl and won't make decisions without thinking them through
.................
Then that ends because I shift to talking about my friends that live next door to her which is why we met in the first place.
I've told her she needs to seek marriage counseling and she says she is doing it through her church. I also tell her she needs to talk to her husband about these things. Her husband works out of state and only comes around 2-3 months of the year. I don't want to out her because my friends would be pissed at both of us so all I can do is try to direct her to get help.

I don't know, she definitely set me up at to take the fall at the beginning of all this. Now I am kind of just doing my best to avoid that. 
I have never initiated anything she always does and I just react.


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> I have never initiated anything she always does and I just react.


Don't react. You are feeding her.

Here is how that conversation should have gone:

Married Woman: "Denver baby!"

AP-- nothing.

There.

Problem solved.

You both need to find other sources of attention.


----------



## Another Planet

I don't really know how to not to talk to my exwife, we have kids together. She was picking up my daughter and I found out she was babysitting the kids of the couple she cheated on me with.....If you don't know my story, sorry I don't really feel like telling it right now.


----------



## Another Planet

I do need to find other sources of attention, I wish I could because I don't like this life.
I lock myself in my house for long periods of time because I don't want to go out into the world because of this ****. 
I work late at night by myself on purpose because I don't like interacting with anyone because of this ****.
I end up with long bouts of depression because I can't hang with current friends or make new ones because of this ****. So I hide away and talk to people online to get some social interaction.


----------



## jpr

You are right. I don't know your story. I shouldn't be so quick to judge.

I do know that it is tough to balance a co-parenting relationship with your ex. I understand. I have a child too.

But, from reading some of your posts, it appears like you are choosing to get attention from unhealthy (but perhaps in your mind "safe") sources.

For instance, your ex-wife flirting with you feeds your ego, I am sure. But, in a way she is 'safe' because you know your relationship with her is over....so, your heart is not really involved.

I am sure that it is flattering to have a woman thinking about you...and the fact that she is married makes her 'safe' too. ...because in the back of your mind you sort of know that you can get attention from her, but that there is no way you could have a relationship with her because she is married. She makes you feel attractive and wanted.....but, isn't really an option for you. So, there are no real feelings involved on your part. 

However, I think you know you shouldn't be feeding her any sort of attention. You are a fantasy for her right now, and that is definitely not helping her marriage. ...having the thought of being with you as an option in her head is not helping her to truly evaluate and work on her own marriage. 

We all crave attention, and we all want to feel 'wanted'. However, it is important (I think) to try to find healthy sources for that sort of attention. It is sometimes easier said than done....especially when it is so easy to get attention from these unhealthy and destructive sources. ...but sometimes you just need to stop 'cold turkey'.


----------



## Another Planet

These are the women who have somehow fallen through the cracks of my defense. In the last 2yrs I can think of about 10-12 others who I have successfully avoided anything happening.

But on the other hand like I said I don't like to interact with my current friends because I have seen or feel the shift of attention towards me. I have been kissed by more women that I shouldn't have been then I would like to admit.
I also don't like to make new friends because I have tried that which is how I ended up with the 2 married women that drunk text me.

I know it sounds arrogant and vain, I need to get over myself right? I am not asking for sympathy either. It is so stupid so I just sit inside my house because it doesn't make sense to me. I don't even like to reread what I have typed it sounds so ****ty.
Well I have tried being a ****, I have tried being too nice, I have tried being fit and trim, I have tried being fat and lazy, I have tried being rich, I have tried being poor...it doesn't matter they find me just different types of women. 

I would just like a normal relationship. All I need is one woman for the rest of my life.


----------



## Jellybeans

Paradise said:


> :smthumbup::smthumbup: Professor Paradise!  That is awesome!
> 
> If I could get my PhD finished you could call me "Doctor Paradise!" Hmmmm....This could be a fun role play game!
> 
> Jelly, curious, but how old is this "grandpa?"


Hehe. Doctor Paradise! Neat! Are you working on your doctorate now or thinking about it?

Gramps is soon to be forty-seven.



ne9907 said:


> I am an self proclaimed expert at finding people on FB or any other place. I only need their name and a location of where they lived. I am so vey good, it is scary!


That's because you are a woman. We are born detectives. 



jpr said:


> Don't react. You are feeding her.


Agreed. You should shut that down completely. 

When you told her she was married and she said "I know, but if I wasn't, I'd spend time getting to know you," you should have said something like, "I don't think it's appropriate that we are having this conversation. Out of respect for you and your marriage and because I'm not ok with it, it's probably best we not continue to text like this."

Finito.


----------



## vi_bride04

And being a BS seems like you would want to shut that down immediately....


----------



## Another Planet

I told her that months ago that I don't want anything to do with an affair because of what happened to me. It just makes me look helpless and then they want to save me....they feel so sorry for me 
It is so dumb I know!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> scratchhead: I have NO idea why the off/on? It's just what we have always done. I think the longest time together was 2yrs, we lived together for a year or so. She is very.....busy I guess would be a good way of putting it. She is all over the place, just when you think you have her locked down she is selling everything and moving 45 minutes away. .


Does she happen to be an Aquarius? Lol.



Another Planet said:


> Every single time we get back together it's so amazing I am just left wondering why we ever stopped.
> 
> I'm not going to lie, I am in love this girl. But this is just what we do. I might see her again I might not.
> 
> *I'm not going anywhere, and even if I do trust me she will find me again if she wants to. She always does.*


Interesting! Sounds like a big romance, albeit, very sporadic. Funny that you said she always finds you. 

*Whitehawk:* On Facebook, it's very easy to find people. You can look people up by name, or see people on friends' pages, and a lot of times you will even get friend suggestions of mutual friends that you know.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I told her that months ago* that I don't want anything to do with an affair because of what happened to me. *It just makes me look helpless and then they want to save me....they feel so sorry for me
> It is so dumb I know!


If thats true, you'll cut contact with her


----------



## jpr

Boundaries and personal responsibility.

Things like this don't just 'happen'. There is a chain of events that lead to these sort of relationships. ....a series of behaviors and choices.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yep, and the cool thing is that with just a few words and actions, you can shut it down forever.


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> *Boundaries and personal responsibility.*
> 
> Things like this don't just 'happen'. There is a chain of events that lead to these sort of relationships. ....a series of behaviors and choices.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jelly, I'm so happy to read you were able to get together with grandpa! :smthumbup:

We had a surprise birthday party for my sister on Saturday for her 50th. I invited hard hat and he actually came! Points for facing unknown family and friends! Then last night, we went over to a friend of his for the second playoff game for a couple of hours. It was kind of funny because the ladies all went out for a smoke and nudged me out there (I dont smoke). They were telling me that they all want hard hat to be with someone who will be nice to him, evidently the last couple of women he was serious with turned out to be rather psycho, lol, so it was pretty cool that they were so up front with me and looking out for him. They were really nice to me and very open, and had nothing but sweet things to say about him. I have now been invited to a birthday party for next Saturday, lol! He has been telling me about his previous relationships and it was good to get some confirmation that he has been honest.


----------



## unsure78

Another do you have a lot of male friends? if you struggle with personal boundaries perhaps not being friends with women is a good idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

nice 3x... glad its going well 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Does she happen to be an Aquarius? Lol.
> 
> Interesting! Sounds like a big romance, albeit, very sporadic. Funny that you said she always finds you.
> 
> *Whitehawk:* On Facebook, it's very easy to find people. You can look people up by name, or see people on friends' pages, and a lot of times you will even get friend suggestions of mutual friends that you know.


No she is a scorpio :FIREdevil:
Me likes scorpios 

But my exwife is an aquarius, so is my older sister, and so is my oldest son. I could never be with one again, they just don't make sense to me with their not living in this dimension. It's like their brain is taken out of their head and put in a bubble that is floating above them. I'm not saying anything bad other then I don't understand what they focus on and why.
AP = Taurus


----------



## Dedicated2Her

2galsmom said:


> I LMAO when I saw that on Facebook, I had no idea the men appreciated as well. Say no to being a Prince or a Princessm say yes to being an independent you and see where the path takes you and see you meet on your journey - the other people in your lives are fellow travelers and not destinations.
> 
> I am going to devote a whole blog post to that in a few weeks.
> 
> At any rate, I have more pressing problems. Were you the one who mentioned you had a Pinterest account Another Planet? I want to use it to pin recipes but often when I pin I end up with just a photo. I mean what is the point? A picture of Almond French Toast? What? I am supposed to just look at it? Kinda boring, am I doing something wrong? When I pin Martha's stuff I get a recipe too, I highly recommend the Spinach-Ginger smoothie.


I have a pinterest account, yes. I pin tons of recipes. When you follow(click on it) the picture it takes you to the recipe at that particular page it was hosted on. I do a ton of paleo stuff.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another do you have a lot of male friends? if you struggle with personal boundaries perhaps not being friends with women is a good idea.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes but I have to stay away from their wives/gf's 
One of the married women that drunk text me is a buddies wife...we did have an EA at one point...I know not good. He knows it happened and isn't happy but knows she isn't happy and just won't do anything other then be a **** to her about it.
I'm like "dude your wife needs some attention and I'm not down with giving it to her".


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I do need to find other sources of attention, I wish I could because I don't like this life.
> I lock myself in my house for long periods of time because I don't want to go out into the world because of this ****.
> I work late at night by myself on purpose because I don't like interacting with anyone because of this ****.
> I end up with long bouts of depression because I can't hang with current friends or make new ones because of this ****. So I hide away and talk to people online to get some social interaction.


:soapbox:
Seriously? You turn yourself into a hermit because you can't keep the throngs of unavailable women away from you? No offense, but c'mon man. Do you understand how powerful the words "No thanks, I am not interested." are? Do you understand that by not even exchanging more than that sentence to a married women, you will never have to deal with that person again? Or I know, the next time a married woman hits on you (friend of a friend or not) you say, "Gosh, what would your husband say?" It is really easy to shut women down. 

Go live your life just learn the words "Not interested." Stop counseling them. Stop talking to them period. 

Life sucks, dating sucks but being _that person_ sucks even more. 

You are better than that.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> they just don't make sense to me with their not living in this dimension. It's like their brain is taken out of their head and put in a bubble that is floating above them. I'm not saying anything bad other then I don't understand what they focus on and why.


:rofl: I'm an Aqua.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: I'm an Aqua.


lol.... so am i...hahhahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Sweet! ::high fives Unsure:: There is something to be said about how we live on another planet (ahaha NO pun intended).

3x--that is great that you had such a nice time at that party!  It's always good when someone introduces you to their friends. It means they probably aren't married or being shady! HAHA


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Yes but I have to stay away from their wives/gf's
> One of the married women that drunk text me is a buddies wife...we did have an EA at one point...I know not good. He knows it happened and isn't happy but knows she isn't happy and just won't do anything other then be a **** to her about it.
> I'm like "dude your wife needs some attention and I'm not down with giving it to her".


Not so funny funny story about that situation which I still don't understand. One night we were hanging out him and some other guys and the night was getting late so it was just me and this other guy and they totally tag teamed me, came out to me and were trying to convince me to "do stuff"!
I was floored, I was just like "what you guys are gay, like gay gay?! Like together gay? But you are married how does that work?"

It was a strange situation.....and then shortly after I met his wife and we had an EA which was heading down the PA path very quickly. Very confusing having a husband and wife pursuing you lol


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: I'm an Aqua.





unsure78 said:


> lol.... so am i...hahhahah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I FRKN KNEW IT?! I liked both of you! I knew you were aquas lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Don't lie and try to save face now, AP. 

Admit it though, we are delectably strange. Hence, why you have so many ex-lovers who were Aquas. Hahahaha.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> It was a strange situation.....and then* shortly after I met his wife and we had an EA which was heading down the PA path very quickly. *Very confusing having a husband and wife pursuing you lol


So you do understand the NC rule for affair partners??

You had an EA with her. Therefore you are her affair partner. 

You really need to go NC with her. What is wrong with you man?


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> But my exwife is an aquarius, so is my older sister, and so is my oldest son. I could never be with one again, they just don't make sense to me with their not living in this dimension. It's like their brain is taken out of their head and put in a bubble that is floating above them. I'm not saying anything bad other then I don't understand what they focus on and why.
> AP = Taurus


Wow, that is kinda strange about all the Aquarius in your life. I have a ton of Libra's - and yes, I seem to be attracted to them as well.

My mom is a Libra, my cousin, 3 close friends...

2 of my ex bf and my exH were Libras. I just need to stay away. Air and Fire just don't mix. I'm an Aries.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Don't lie and try to save face now, AP.
> 
> Admit it though, we are delectably strange. Hence, why you have so many ex-lovers who were Aquas. Hahahaha.


Yes you guys are very whimsical creatures, but I just don't get your whole life process. 
I really enjoy everything about aquas other then trying to get **** done. 
I have heard "no you don't understand" so many times from those 3.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ladies, I am putting up a pic in my album of hard hat that I am pretty protective of, so it wont be there long...look quick!


----------



## unsure78

aggg i cant look right now im on my phone.... 

gemini... thoes i have a lot of... both my parents, exh, my son, nephew.... and now SA
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> So you do understand the NC rule for affair partners??
> 
> You had an EA with her. Therefore you are her affair partner.
> 
> You really need to go NC with her. What is wrong with you man?


and on a more serious note... yea another wtf... i agree with VI
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I prefer the more directness of say the scorpio  or aries or cancer or even other taurus for daily life.
The new Match girl is a pisces and my younger brother and sister are both pisces so I am definately taking what I have learned about my siblings into consideration while talking with her. They seem to be kind of tender and keep their emotions kind of hidden.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Ladies, I am putting up a pic in my album of hard hat that I am pretty protective of, so it wont be there long...look quick!


HOLY shiat! Dudes packing! lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> aggg i cant look right now im on my phone....
> 
> gemini... thoes i have a lot of... both my parents, exh, my son, nephew.... and now SA
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm a Gemini!


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> I prefer the more directness of say the scorpio  or aries or cancer or even other taurus for daily life.


Is that so? :FIREdevil:



Another Planet said:


> Not so funny funny story about that situation which I still don't understand. One night we were hanging out him and some other guys and the night was getting late so it was just me and this other guy and they totally tag teamed me, came out to me and were trying to convince me to "do stuff"!
> I was floored, I was just like "what you guys are gay, like gay gay?! Like together gay? But you are married how does that work?"
> 
> It was a strange situation.....and then shortly after I met his wife and we had an EA which was heading down the PA path very quickly. Very confusing having a husband and wife pursuing you lol


Apropos of nothing...

Did you guys know that "Another Planet" is an anagram for "Anal Teeth Porn"?

 :moon:


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> Is that so? :FIREdevil:
> 
> 
> 
> Apropos of nothing...
> 
> Did you guys know that "Another Planet" is an anagram for "*Anal Teeth Porn*"?
> 
> :moon:


LOL nice!

So does that mean you are a scorpio?


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> LOL nice!
> 
> So does that mean you are a scorpio?


No, it means I'm an ass.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Wow, that is kinda strange about all the Aquarius in your life. *I have a ton of Libra's - and yes, I seem to be attracted to them as well.*


Me, too! Are you an Aqua, too, Vi?

3x - Hardhat is seriously cut!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ladies, I am putting up a pic in my album of hard hat that I am pretty protective of, so it wont be there long...look quick!


very very nice 3x! :smthumbup:


btw, I am a Gemini too!!
Ex is Sagittarius

But I do not believe much in Zodiac signs compatibility


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Me, too! Are you an Aqua, too, Vi?
> 
> 3x - Hardhat is seriously cut!


No I'm an Aries...all fire baby!


----------



## Nsweet

Capricorn here. 

Where's all my other weirdos at?:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

im missing out on hard hat man hotness... boo... can it stay up till tomorrow morning?

stupid tam on my phone...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> This morning ahhh!
> I'm trying to process all this yet, I think I have it nailed down though.
> 
> So question for the women here, I guess the guys too cause they might have experienced the same.
> Is there like a fantasy complex women have? Like do some guys just automatically be placed in that category of just fantasy?
> 
> Last night I had my exwife sending me dirty pics, another girl I haven't told you guys about yet asking me for dirty pics, and then I was emailing with new Match girl trying to be serious lol.
> 
> I have questioned before if that is the way women see me especially because of these last couple years with the women trying to cheat with me to get out of their ****ty marriages and the continued messages they send me.....
> Then now what my wife is doing to me and how she treats me...
> 
> Stupid thing is is I wouldn't know why I would be placed in the "fantasy" category because I'm not that hot and I'm not loaded rich.


I know this is an old post, but I haven't had much free time lately.

I think you are very good looking which appeals to women.
You are (or seem to be by your posts) very easy going. NOthing people write about you seems to bother you or ruffle your feathers. This is in a way a turn on.
You are also very confident, and I presume, very understanding if talking to another woman one on one.

You are a very enticing package! 
Maybe that is why women are attracted to you. Plus, your ex wife knows you. She loved you once. It is very hard to detach from those feelings. 
As far as the married women go, leave them alone!!!!!!!


Oh, play this song for your ex wife 

"I Told You So" Carrie with Randy Travis from American Idol - YouTube

but ummm, maybe she would just want you more..... crazy minds are so difficult to comprehend, I should know as I too am crazy!


----------



## Nsweet

I don't know where this applies to today's conversation, but it will later. It's funny. Love Kat Williams.

***** Dependency - YouTube


----------



## jpr

Are you for real, AP? really.

These stories of yours. For real. 

They seems so fantastical. ....you are seriously afraid to have male friends because you are afraid their wives will fall in love with you?....and you are afraid that your male friends will fall in love with you?  Did a wicked witch put some sort of potent love potion spell on you where all human beings fall head over heels for you as soon as they talk to you? 



I wish there was a raised eyebrow smiley--because I am skeptical.

You're not helpless here, man. Make different choices and your relationships will be different.


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> Did a wicked witch put some sort of potent love potion spell on you where all human beings fall head over heels for you as soon as they talk to you?


:lol:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Apropos of nothing...
> 
> Did you guys know that "Another Planet" is an anagram for "Anal Teeth Porn"?
> 
> :moon:


:rofl: :rofl: Winner of January's Post of the Month.


----------



## Jellybeans

Idk. I don't think AP's stories are all that weird. So he has met people who have been sexually attracted to him; he's had poor boundaries and is trying to figure out his relationship with his ex while he delves into dating. Not that weird/uncommon, IMO.

It IS weird he didn't shut the friend's wife though. But I think if he wants to, he will.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Are you for real, AP? really.
> 
> These stories of yours. For real.
> 
> They seems so fantastical. ....you are seriously afraid to have male friends because you are afraid their wives will fall in love with you?....and you are afraid that your male friends will fall in love with you?  Did a wicked witch put some sort of potent love potion spell on you where all human beings fall head over heels for you as soon as they talk to you?
> 
> 
> 
> *I wish there was a raised eyebrow smiley--because I am skeptical.*
> 
> You're not helpless here, man. Make different choices and your relationships will be different.


That is kind of funny but sad too. I don't know what to tell you. I wish the majority of this crap doesn't or hasn't happened to me. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me. I sometimes can't believe it all myself.

Love potion lol And yet here I am all alone :scratchhead:
Remember this isn't like in one week or even month this was spread over the last couple years the majority of these stories.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Capricorn here.
> 
> Where's all my other weirdos at?:smthumbup:


You act like a cap. I have a handful of friends that are capricorn and they are just like you. 
Sit back and analyze then give you some calm logical advise lol


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> You act like a cap. I have a handful of friends that are capricorn and they are just like you.
> *Sit back and analyze then give you some calm logical advise* lol


:rofl: That's me!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Idk. I don't think AP's stories are all that weird. So he has met people who have been sexually attracted to him; he's had poor boundaries and is trying to figure out his relationship with his ex while he delves into dating. Not that weird/uncommon, IMO.
> 
> It IS weird he didn't shut the friend's wife though. But I think if he wants to, he will.


The majority of the time I don't think it is all that weird but every once in awhile I am just like "What, is this for real. Did I actually live this life"...
The funny thing is I think only a few of you know my whole story which is pretty far out there.

Or maybe I'm not vanilla and missionary kind of guy. I guess having an Aries as a father and a Leo for a mother can make an interesting Taurus


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Or maybe I'm not vanilla and missionary kind of guy. I guess having an Aries as a father and a Leo for a mother can make an interesting Taurus


Oh man - LEOS!!!!! :smthumbup:

According to astrology, Leos and Aries are a great match. 

I have had the pleasure to meet only a few Leos in my time. But man, let me tell you, fire & fire = explosive!!!!! 

I need to stay away from water and air signs...we just clash. Earth and other fire signs I definitely seem to get along better with.


----------



## Pbartender

It doesn't have anything to do with being vanilla or missionary, or whether your a Cancer or a Leo, or if you were born in the Year of the Dragon. Perhaps you should focus a little less on the arbitrary locations the Earth happened to be at in its orbit when people were born, and a little more on the choices you make and the actions you take.

That would go a long way to turning these seemingly fantastical encounters into odd, but perfectly ordinary, encounters. It would go a long way to reducing the unnecessary melodrama in your life. And it would go a long way toward helping you decide which and what kind of woman would be best for you to stick with.

I too, for example, have been hit on by gay guys now and again. It's no big deal. They make a pass at me, and my standard response is something like, "Hey, thanks! How terribly flattering! Flirt all you want, but be warned... It won't get you anywhere."

I've occasionally been hit on by married women as well. It's no big deal. They make a pass at me, and my standard response is EXACTLY THE SAME.

Soap operas are fun to watch... But they're crap to live in.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> It doesn't have anything to do with being vanilla or missionary, or whether your a Cancer or a Leo, or if you were born in the Year of the Dragon. Perhaps you should focus a little less on the arbitrary locations the Earth happened to be at in its orbit when people were born, and a little more on the choices you make and the actions you take.
> 
> That would go a long way to turning these seemingly fantastical encounters into odd, but perfectly ordinary, encounters. It would go a long way to reducing the unnecessary melodrama in your life. And it would go a long way toward helping you decide which and what kind of woman would be best for you to stick with.
> 
> I too, for example, have been hit on by gay guys now and again. It's no big deal. They make a pass at me, and my standard response is something like, "Hey, thanks! How terribly flattering! Flirt all you want, but be warned... It won't get you anywhere."
> 
> I've occasionally been hit on by married women as well. It's no big deal. They make a pass at me, and my standard response is EXACTLY THE SAME.
> 
> Soap operas are fun to watch... But they're crap to live in.



Another, Pbar is correct... i have been on a lot of first dates in the last 8 months, every single one of them from online.... and you know how many of thoes first dates acted inappropriate on the first date.... one only One and you know what I did then... i blocked him... when i find out on a date a guy is still married, you know what I do? I dont go out with them again... on these emails you say you are talking these women throught their problems, you are just being their white knight..... if a guy emails me something weird at any time i shut the emailing down.... and of course we always dont make the best decisions in dating but dont invite crazy in either


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Hey you guys are the ones telling me this stuff isn't normal and is fantastical, I just experience it.

Speaking of love potion I just picked up a new cologne, Kenneth Cole Reaction 0_0


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Hey you guys are the ones telling me this stuff isn't normal and is fantastical, I just experience it.
> 
> Speaking of love potion I just picked up a new cologne, Kenneth Cole Reaction 0_0


Blameshifting/minimizing with a sprinkle of change the subject...touche


----------



## Another Planet

Haters gonna hate...

Rich Homie Quan - Type of Way - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Blameshifting/minimizing with a sprinkle of change the subject...touche


hahahahahah... bingo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Don't hate the playa - hate the game!! 

Lol


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't hate the playa - hate the game!!
> 
> Lol


Or, conversely... Don't play the hater - play the game.


----------



## Another Planet

Buncha haters...I'm going to go paint my bathroom walls 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/members/another+planet-albums-misc-picture20769-haters-gonna-hate.html


----------



## jpr

And here is the problem....




Another Planet said:


> Hey you guys are the ones telling me this stuff isn't normal and is fantastical, I just experience it.
> 
> Speaking of love potion I just picked up a new cologne, Kenneth Cole Reaction 0_0


It is like talking to a 15-year old. 

"But, Moooooom!...it wasn't my fault! I didn't do anything!" 

C'mon, Man! You cultivate your life experience...things don't just 'happen' to you.

Own it. Own your actions, dude.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well, after 2-3 weeks of talking and 2 dates I told the gal I was seeing that I didn't see it going beyond what we had already done. This was after thanking her for offer to take me out next time around, told her to take care. She replied in kind and told me to take care as well.

Have respect for her, what she's been through and how she's going about things now ... but it just wasn't there for me after a while. The right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do, but I'm glad I did it, no interest in stringing someone along.


----------



## angelpixie

06Daddio08 said:


> The right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do, but I'm glad I did it, no interest in stringing someone along.



*ahem*


----------



## jpr

Sorry, Up, that is didn't work out. 

It can be hard to pull the plug.

...at least for me it is hard.


----------



## 06Daddio08

jpr said:


> Sorry, Up, that is didn't work out.
> 
> It can be hard to pull the plug.
> 
> ...at least for me it is hard.


Thanks, it was more about the timing. She had plans on the weekend and I didn't feel like giving her the downer message when she had been excited for the upcoming events. So I waited it out until this morning and spent the time thinking of how I wanted to go about it.

It came to me naturally, the message that I sent her. I took a lot out of the experience; when it came to meeting her I wasn't nervous at all, I just went with the flow and I did enjoy the 2 times we got together but in the long run I didn't see it working.

I was pretty confident in the overall situation and on the 2nd outing she commented on how I like to make reservations / plans and have it all figured out ahead of time. Which is true, and not a bad thing at all!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Hey you guys are the ones telling me this stuff isn't normal and is fantastical, I just experience it.
> 
> *Speaking of love potion I just picked up a new cologne, Kenneth Cole Reaction 0_0*


So is this something you're going to apply to your skin while you sit in your house all day, texting back and forth with toxic women?


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> And here is the problem....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It is like talking to a 15-year old.
> 
> "But, Moooooom!...it wasn't my fault! I didn't do anything!"
> 
> C'mon, Man! You cultivate your life experience...things don't just 'happen' to you.
> 
> Own it. Own your actions, dude.





06Daddio08 said:


> So is this something you're going to apply to your skin while you sit in your house all day, texting back and forth with toxic women?


Blink...

Does this make you guys feel good about yourselves 

Just wow, what again are you so pissed off about to try to insult me? On the internet 
Once again judgments say a ton about the person making them.
Is this just a bunch of herd chest beating, fist shaking, and feet stomping?


----------



## jpr

You are right.

I'm being mean.

I'll stop responding.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Blink...
> 
> Does this make you guys feel good about yourselves
> 
> Just wow, what again are you so pissed off about to try to insult me? On the internet
> Once again judgments say a ton about the person making them.
> Is this just a bunch of herd chest beating, fist shaking, and feet stomping?


I'm indifferent to the entire situation. I suppose I could have made a winky face at the end ... it would have fed your craving for attention and changed the tone of the message.

Seeing how you don't crave the desire to work on yourself. What's the fun in that though right? Then you wouldn't have all of these 'crazy, wacky, fantasy' like stories to share!


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> You are right.
> 
> I'm being mean.
> 
> I'll stop responding.


Seriously passive aggressive.



06Daddio08 said:


> I'm indifferent to the entire situation. I suppose I could have made a winky face at the end ... it would have fed your craving for attention and changed the tone of the message.
> 
> Seeing how you don't crave the desire to work on yourself. What's the fun in that though right? *Then you wouldn't have all of these 'crazy, wacky, fantasy' like stories to share!*


Yep just for you to respond too to prove your worth 
You obviously have a predisposed idea of what a man is, typically it is because the person is to shallow to understand anything other than. I'm not trying to insult just letting you know so you might "crave a desire to work on yourself".

Are you guys jealous or something wtf is your problem, case of the Mondays?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Seriously passive aggressive.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep just for you to respond too to prove your worth
> You obviously have a predisposed idea of what a man is, typically it is because the person is to shallow to understand anything other than. I'm not trying to insult just letting you know so you might "crave a desire to work on yourself".
> 
> Are you guys jealous or something wtf is your problem, case of the Mondays?


The irony is so thick in this, one could chew on it for days. Good luck AP, you need it.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Are you guys jealous or something wtf is your problem, case of the Mondays?


Jealous of what? What is there to be jealous of?

I see some heavy handed 2x4s of people just trying to point out to own your decisions and your role in the drama in your life but I don't sense jealousy

Maybe I'm wrong?


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> The irony is so thick in this, one could chew on it for days. Good luck AP, you need it.


Is it? No explanation but yet you are trying to school me? Let me guess school of hard knocks right? "Gonna show me right bossman?"


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Jealous of what? What is there to be jealous of?
> 
> I see some heavy handed 2x4s of people just trying to point out to own your decisions and your role in the drama in your life but I don't sense jealousy
> 
> Maybe I'm wrong?


Tell me why these people are pissed at me? They don't even know me. They read a few comments then made some assumptions. 
Tell me why else if they aren't directly relating their lives to me?


----------



## Another Planet

Oh you aren't upset you are just purposely causing problems?

Anyway, ladies of TAM I am going to ask you a couple questions. I don't need an answer, so don't feel obligated. I do not need to feel justified.

If you were in your late 20's and you have been married to an abusive gay man for 10 years what would you do?

If you were married to a man that you see for maybe 2-3 months out of the year and you faked the whole marriage for money and this is what your life will be forever what would you do?


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> Tell me why these people are pissed at me?


No one is pissed at you.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Oh you aren't upset you are just purposely causing problems?
> 
> Anyway, ladies of TAM I am going to ask you a couple questions. I don't need an answer, so don't feel obligated. I do not need to feel justified.
> 
> If you were in your late 20's and you have been married to an abusive gay man for 10 years what would you do?
> 
> If you were married to a man that you see for maybe 2-3 months out of the year and you faked the whole marriage for money and this is what your life will be forever what would you do?


Hmmmm...I need to ask my youngest sister this in a few years as she found out the guy she is dating likes to crossdress and troll craigslist. Oh, he is loaded too.....and that is the best quality about him in her opinion.....my other sister thinks she will try to get knocked up on purpose to "lock him down"

What is wrong with people???!!!!!!


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmm...I need to ask my youngest sister this in a few years as she found out the guy she is dating likes to crossdress and troll craigslist. Oh, he is loaded too.....and that is the best quality about him in her opinion.....my other sister thinks she will try to get knocked up on purpose to "lock him down"
> 
> *What is wrong with people???!!!!!!*


I can answer this one. 

People in abusive relationships have such low self esteem from this learned state of helplessness and dependence on their abuser, and they latch onto their master-programmer to keep getting small amounts of affection and approval. Their happiness in the relationship become dependent on making their master happy. 

Yes, it has a lot to do with brain washing. If you want me to break it down I can. But to keep this short I'll just say that people like your sister's crossdressing gay abusive husband capitalize on the mean and sweet to keep their target uneasy and always working to make their abuser happy. 

The target is lured in with the promising image of ther perfect man or perfect woman, which over time morphs into reality and the victim is lead to believe that it's their fault their abuser is unhappy, cheating, violent, aggressive, verbally abusive. And they latch onto the fleeting moment of the person they married and the "good wife" or "good husband" and work that much harder to get that back during the abusive times. 

That's also why people freak out after a break up or separation and feign suicide or try to fake a pregnancy. 

It's like how a dear friend of mine caught her husband cheating on her quite a few times and after each incident he would show her a few months of sweetness and compassion, make her feel like a princess and tell her how sorry he was. But when everything settled down he would go back to calling her stupid, ugly, accuse her of cheating, and then he would go cheat on her and leave her at home with the baby crying her eyes out. She worked hard to try to make him happy too, but it never seemed to work for long. The excitement for her (not that anything about it was fun) was in the unstable mood swings he gave her. There's highs and lows with being in an abusive relationship and it really is like being addicted to a drug. Long story short she came too after the high wore off and she was sick and tired of his bullsh!t and left him.

I hope you can understand. I tried to explain this the best I could. Reading about abusive relationships and how they work is kind of an interest of mine. Sad but fascinating.


----------



## Pbartender

It's the same sort of Skinner-esque operant conditioning that keeps people gambling in hopes of winning the "jackpot", even though the odds are obviously and heavily stacked against them.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> It's the same sort of Skinner-esque operant conditioning that keeps people gambling in hopes of winning the "jackpot", even though the odds are obviously and heavily stacked against them.


Pavlovian condition and Skinner's research do apply, but abusive relationships have have a closer relationship with cult indoctrination. "Believe what I say and you'll get to talk to your parents." Or "If we have a baby I'll be faithful to you from now on".

The "jackpot" of this surprise moment of affection and approval with huge displays of romance comes into play after long periods of a withdraw of affection to psyche up their target. It's like a monumental "good spouse" moment. A good example of this is how the cheater will give you a weekend of bliss to throw you off their trail.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> MW- Denver baby! (shes big into football)
> AP- Are you drinking?
> MW- Yes  I'm drunk AP
> AP- lol
> MW- Do you feel lucky that I think of you when I have been drinking?
> AP- you are really drunk
> AP- you aren't driving right?
> MW- No I'm home and a friend drove
> AP- That's good
> MW- AP what do you really think of me?
> AP- You're cool...not sure what you're asking...but you're married
> MW- I know AP, If I wasn't I would spend time getting to know you. I just really don't know what I'm doing
> AP- I know, Just don't want you getting in trouble. I hope you have a good night.
> MW- I did...and you won't get me in trouble...I'm a big girl and won't make decisions without thinking them through
> .................
> Then that ends because I shift to talking about my friends that live next door to her which is why we met in the first place.
> I've told her she needs to seek marriage counseling and she says she is doing it through her church. I also tell her she needs to talk to her husband about these things. Her husband works out of state and only comes around 2-3 months of the year. I don't want to out her because my friends would be pissed at both of us so all I can do is try to direct her to get help.
> 
> I don't know, she definitely set me up at to take the fall at the beginning of all this. Now I am kind of just doing my best to avoid that.
> I have never initiated anything she always does and I just react.



Sorry man but yet another stupid [email protected] craving some attention outside of her marriage . l'd be staying of that phone and running like a freight train possessed myself . Man l am so pleased about this fence l'm sitting on sometimes :scratchhead:

PS , gotta love that one. Seeking help through her church - text sex with AP and - she's working on her marriage.


----------



## Another Planet

I guess I am protective of these women. Which is obviously not a healthy situation. I already know I have white night syndrome, please don't poke fun.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I guess I am protective of these women. Which is obviously not a healthy situation. I already know I have white night syndrome, please don't poke fun.


I don't think anyone wants to poke fun or make light of the situation. 

You are treading on dangerous ground and hopefully can stop the behavior before it crosses anymore lines. 

You realize you have white knight syndrome. Good, thats a step in the right direction to not comforting females that go out looking for attention. You know whats going to happen if you continue to engage, even "just texting". Or at least what could happen if you try to rescue.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I guess I am protective of these women. Which is obviously not a healthy situation. I already know I have white night syndrome, please don't poke fun.


Relax, it's not like you're the only one. I got it too!

Little tip for you AP. When you feel like you have to save a woman from herself or her relationship, pull away from her. It's not your job to be the delusional hero OM, and many of these women playing the victim are just playing you. 

If this married woman you're talking to is initiating things with you and making you feel uncomfortable.... Guess what! You don't need to be talking to her. You have your boundaries and if she can't respect them she's not someone you should be friends with. It's not your job to save her or convince her to stay with her husband, and you shouldn't be falling for that crap! 

Many of these affairs start out with the wayward confining their relationship problems to "just a friend" and putting them in the hero or care-taker position with rewards of sex and affection for their comfort. But that relationship is completely one sided and often dissolves as soon as the wayward doesn't need your support anymore. Pretty much the definition of a rebound. Don't be that guy!


----------



## Dollystanford

Well this stopped being fun pages ago, how does everyone expect to pull in this atmosphere?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I do need to find other sources of attention, I wish I could because I don't like this life.
> I lock myself in my house for long periods of time because I don't want to go out into the world because of this ****.
> I work late at night by myself on purpose because I don't like interacting with anyone because of this ****.
> I end up with long bouts of depression because I can't hang with current friends or make new ones because of this ****. So I hide away and talk to people online to get some social interaction.



Hey AP . You know what , l don't believe it and l'm not sure if l've got it right but if l have this was me for a couple of yrs. lt still is on and off even now but the hermit ism's now about getting over my marriage this time - different sitch.

But a few yrs back l literally gave up going out , it was so hard on my ex. l was depressed all the time and l just despised unwanted and uninvited attention l got from women every time l stood still long enough , anywhere. 
Every time we went out anywhere and sat still long enough , everything from the beach to a restaurant, pubs , l'd end up with women staring at me. They'd even come onto me right infront of my wife , it made me sick . Anywhere , it never mattered especially the older ones. l think you said somewhere absolutely no shame , did l know what you were saying. 

But finally l discovered the secret to pissing it all of , especially the older ones.
You know women always talk about liking a confident bloke but it seems to work reverse . And because l was always trying to avoid it and not be noticed they literally seemed to sort me out of the crowd.
lf you come across as a bit sheepish or avoiding , they seem to think they can get away with it and you won't say anything.
So one day l thought right l've had a gut full of this **** and instead of avoiding l looked up and anywhere l damn well felt like it and bingo. All of a sudden you seem to get this look that you don't take any [email protected] and they back right off . Worked for me.

The other thing l discovered was a goatee and mow. lf l lose the mow and just have the goatee l get much more but if l keep both , even though my ex says l look better with both , it seems to help.
l'm thinking again , maybe you look a bit stronger with both and they're more wary of you . Dunno , l can only guess yet l've asked girls and they all seem to like the look so who knows, l go with stronger .

Clothes helped a lot too so l dressed right down in op shop crap for yrs , helped a bit . But now l ware what l want because l think l've nailed it finally .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Please don't be "that guy" AP. My Ex was so certain that this "friend" of hers was just a friend. That he was just listening to her problems and meant nothing more. Remember that there is a script to all of this. You seriously don't want to be involved, even if you or her thinks you are helping. It's a steep, dangerous slope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Well this stopped being fun pages ago, how does everyone expect to pull in this atmosphere?


You could talk about your new hat on a voicearoo. That always lightens things up. :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

it's 5am, my voice is way too husky love


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> it's 5am, my voice is way too husky love


Are you telling me your voice is extra sexy at 5am? I love women with a husky gravely voice, like Anna Farris. Oh yeah!:smthumbup:

Don't make me beg Dolly.ray:


----------



## Dollystanford

Too slow


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> Are you for real, AP? really.
> 
> These stories of yours. For real.
> 
> They seems so fantastical. ....you are seriously afraid to have male friends because you are afraid their wives will fall in love with you?....and you are afraid that your male friends will fall in love with you?  Did a wicked witch put some sort of potent love potion spell on you where all human beings fall head over heels for you as soon as they talk to you?
> 
> 
> 
> I wish there was a raised eyebrow smiley--because I am skeptical.
> 
> You're not helpless here, man. Make different choices and your relationships will be different.



Don't worry the mates wives and gf's isn't so out there l've had that worry quite a few times .
Again though l discovered the same thing l just tried to explain in the other post.
lf you stop feeling sheepish around them because of it , they seem to pick up stronger and watch their step.
Not a worry anymore , although l have no mates now :rofl::rofl::rofl:, that helps too.
My brothers gf sat beside me with her hand on my arm for freakin 2hrs new yrs eve though - l moved in the end.


----------



## Another Planet

Yep sorry. Don't vote me off the island yet...


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Vocaroo | Voice message


Stop being so demanding?

Dolly, stop being so submissive.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Relax, it's not like you're the only one. I got it too!
> 
> Little tip for you AP. When you feel like you have to save a woman from herself or her relationship, pull away from her. It's not your job to be the delusional hero OM, and many of these women playing the victim are just playing you.
> 
> If this married woman you're talking to is initiating things with you and making you feel uncomfortable.... Guess what! You don't need to be talking to her. You have your boundaries and if she can't respect them she's not someone you should be friends with. It's not your job to save her or convince her to stay with her husband, and you shouldn't be falling for that crap!
> 
> Many of these affairs start out with the wayward confining their relationship problems to "just a friend" and putting them in the hero or care-taker position with rewards of sex and affection for their comfort. But that relationship is completely one sided and often dissolves as soon as the wayward doesn't need your support anymore. Pretty much the definition of a rebound. Don't be that guy!


The immediate prob I see is I got defensive to *you* guys so quickly.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I guess I am protective of these women. Which is obviously not a healthy situation. I already know I have white night syndrome, please don't poke fun.


A lot of men have this. My ex was one of them. He fervently insists that he never crossed the line with them. Of course, I was driving myself insane thinking he was having EAs (PA, I still believe he did).

I am starting to believe that HE believes he never had any EA. But in the end, I BELIEVED he was. He did nothing to changed my mind, All the red flags were there. ALL of them.

Do I feel like a fool for ending my marriage because of false assumptions? Sometimes, but then the reality hits. We had many other problems, many, many.....

My point is, do not talk to married women because the spouse always hurts... even if it is all innocent.
Happy Face  cause you are a cool dude


----------



## whitehawk

l can get over defensive myself . l hate it. l even use to be with my wife and for no reason really.
12 kids in my family it was dog eat dog , think that's where l got it.


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> it's 5am, my voice is way too husky love


You do realize your clock is broken. My flat earth time is 7:35pm. Reset your damn clock


----------



## Dollystanford

AP it's quite interesting - you see this woman as a damsel in distress? I see her as a total predator fishing for some strange outside her marriage. From the conversation you had I can tell you now she knows exactly what she's doing and she knows you won't tell her to back the f*ck off

Give it a couple of weeks and you'll be up to your neck in it. Well at least your knees


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> A lot of men have this. My ex was one of them. He fervently insists that he never crossed the line with them. Of course, I was driving myself insane thinking he was having EAs (PA, I still believe he did).
> 
> I am starting to believe that HE believes he never had any EA. But in the end, I BELIEVED he was. He did nothing to changed my mind, All the red flags were there. ALL of them.
> 
> Do I feel like a fool for ending my marriage because of false assumptions? Sometimes, but then the reality hits. We had many other problems, many, many.....
> 
> My point is, do not talk to married women because the spouse always hurts... even if it is all innocent.
> Happy Face  cause you are a cool dude


Geez ne , that's all ring big bells for me.
My W believed l was having an EA and was pretty well what sealed the deal.
l still don't look at it as an ea . l felt l was being loyal to my wife.
But apparently it was cutting her deeply and they taught me here why and that l was being pretty stupid.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Geez ne , that's all ring big bells for me.
> My W believed l was having an EA and was pretty well what sealed the deal.
> l still don't look at it as an ea . l felt l was being loyal to my wife.
> But apparently it was cutting her deeply and they taught me here why and that l was being pretty stupid.


communication with a spouse is always the key right?
Both, my ex and I failed at this. I rugsweep a lot, he kept his mouth shut. I knew nothing of his "friends" until I would find out phone numbers, secret notes, messages trying to explain a relationship with a woman, or snarky comments from a "friend" on FB. You put that, plus our lack of intimacy, his rejection and it is a recipe for disaster.

Maybe he was always loyal to me, but I seriously became an obsessive, paranoid, crazy woman. I felt so unwanted, so unloved, so ugly, like I was the ugliest woman on the universe. Of course, I talked to him but his responses started to sound more and more like excuses to me.

He of course blames me, I am trying to let go of the guilt because I seriously thought everything was my fault. I worshipped him (big mistake).....

Sometimes I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> AP it's quite interesting - you see this woman as a damsel in distress? I see her as a total predator fishing for some strange outside her marriage. From the conversation you had I can tell you now she knows exactly what she's doing and she knows you won't tell her to back the f*ck off
> 
> Give it a couple of weeks and you'll be up to your neck in it. Well at least your knees


Some strange and an out from their marriage. Use me as the fall guy. I see it, why I do it? For the attention I guess. I am so not putting the blame on them I play a major role also.

Guys don't have heels to click and get out of ****. I am well aware at any point I might get my ass kicked for what I have done.


----------



## Dollystanford

So stop doing it

She's not looking for an out from her marriage, she's looking for attention too. Don't give it to her - let someone else be the fall guy

You don't have control over her but you have control over your own actions


----------



## Nsweet

To put it simple AP, you *CAN NOT* be close friends with a married woman who is unhappy with her marriage. You're not a therapist, a girlfriend, or chocolate. So fall for the ploy to be helping her with her relationship troubles.

That's how nice guys end up banging married women and girls who need comfort after a breakup. A shoulder to cry on. Bullsh!t! 'Just a massage', my ass! I know all those tricks, partially because I used to pick up women who had just been dumped for rebound sex.

Trust me AP, just no good can come of this.


----------



## Another Planet

I know nothing good comes from it, this isn't my first rodeo.
Funny :/ I heard all that stuff during marriage.


----------



## Another Planet

Alright NO CONTACT with these girls. I don't have anyone else that cares. You guys here for me?


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> communication with a spouse is always the key right?
> Both, my ex and I failed at this. I rugsweep a lot, he kept his mouth shut. I knew nothing of his "friends" until I would find out phone numbers, secret notes, messages trying to explain a relationship with a woman, or snarky comments from a "friend" on FB. You put that, plus our lack of intimacy, his rejection and it is a recipe for disaster.
> 
> Maybe he was always loyal to me, but I seriously became an obsessive, paranoid, crazy woman. I felt so unwanted, so unloved, so ugly, like I was the ugliest woman on the universe. Of course, I talked to him but his responses started to sound more and more like excuses to me.
> 
> He of course blames me, I am trying to let go of the guilt because I seriously thought everything was my fault. I worshipped him (big mistake).....
> 
> Sometimes I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome



Yeah , l found out a lot of this stuff later with her to but at the time she was telling me everything was fine and l deserved some fun , she was just too tired from her new job.
She always did have major rug sweeping stuff , strange but l alway knew it would cost me dearly one day but not this.
lt turned out though she hid early menopausing , only 38 at the time , and deep depression. She felt like she wasn't a chick anymore and it would turn me off then add my friend . lt was all just a really tragic upsetting eff up , Very sad as if only l knew but - l spose l should've known too and spotted stuff between the lines you know.
Major brain fart on my account .


----------



## Nsweet

I remember when Dolly used to be fun. But now.... IDK.


----------



## whitehawk

l spose l'm lucky having no life or women at the moment AP. Don't be to hard on yourself though because if they were throwing themselves at me right now l'd be mash mellow in their hands :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> To put it simple AP, you *CAN NOT* be close friends with a married woman who is unhappy with her marriage. You're not a therapist, a girlfriend, or chocolate. So fall for the ploy to be helping her with her relationship troubles.
> 
> That's how nice guys end up banging married women and girls who need comfort after a breakup. A shoulder to cry on. Bullsh!t! 'Just a massage', my ass! I know all those tricks, partially because I used to pick up women who had just been dumped for rebound sex.
> 
> Trust me AP, just no good can come of this.


Yeah exactly and the other thing is. A lot of these people will turn back to their marriage and work on it , that's what it's about.
But if there's that piece of chocolate in front of them at the right time , suddenly they think they don't have to now which is exactly what happened with mine in the end.
If not for him there's no way my ex would've given up.
And it doesn't even have to be about looks and attraction either , should see this guy.


----------



## Dollystanford

Another Planet said:


> Alright NO CONTACT with these girls. I don't have anyone else that cares. You guys here for me?


Of course people are here for you if you need them. But they'll tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. So sometimes you have to suck that sh*t up and realise what a vast wealth of experience you have just in this one thread


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> I remember when Dolly used to be fun. But now.... IDK.


Screw you


----------



## whitehawk

ne how's my face book how to find someone directions for dummy's going?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Screw you


Anytime baby.:smthumbup:

Just sayin. You used to be charming and delightful, but since you started getting laid.... You're alarmingly spiteful. That's not like you at all. Or is it?

Straight up, I miss my funny British MILF.


----------



## Dollystanford

Spiteful? Where? I'm pretty offended by that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Spiteful? Where? I'm pretty offended by that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was the only word I could think of to rhyme with "delightful". 

Did I mention I haven't slept like in 2 days? I'm not making much sense right now.


----------



## Dollystanford

I may be a lot of things but spiteful isn't one of them. B*tchy yes but there's a big difference. 

Good job I have ass in the shower pics to send and am pretty distracted myself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I may be a lot of things but spiteful isn't one of them. B*tchy yes but there's a big difference.
> 
> Good job *I have ass in the shower pics to send* and am pretty distracted myself
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I can only imagine that English Rose.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

One thing that being in a long term marriage taught me.... I like being single (unmarried). I mean, yeah I have a gf. She is awesome. But, I LOVE being able to spend a couple of nights a week by myself. Those nights really refill my tank.

I couldn't imagine going home every night and living with someone. Maybe that will change one day. To all you single out there---ENJOY your singleness!


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l know what you mean D.
l think even the WA people themselves even if they turn and end up thinking R later on, also start enjoying the free time.

lt's funny , had about 20 convos with people this last wk or so that are all frantic and looking for someone new but l've been saying hell no. l was with my ex 18yrs , l want a yr or two off now seems as this has happened .
Damn hard work being in a relationship or married , demanding , restricting . l might not have much of a life right now but hey at least l can live it the way l want for a change.

Gonna enjoy that one for awhile yet. lt's funny to because my work sorta goes wk or two on , wk or two off but my ex had 9-5 hrs. So l always felt guilty getting any time off .
Not now , l stay up all night , sleep all day or whatever l feel like doing and enjoy every second. Even that you felt guilty if you stayed up too late , got up too early , didn't come home , did come home , forgot this or did that , not any moreeee !


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Of course people are here for you if you need them. But they'll tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. So sometimes you have to suck that sh*t up and realise what a vast wealth of experience you have just in this one thread


Yup. 

What she said.


----------



## Nsweet

You boys better be careful with your freedom. 

Anytime you're actually happy being single and free. And you act like you don't want a relationship to tie you down.... 

*THAT'S WHEN THEY GET YOU!*


It's like "Hey, there's a man who enjoys his freedom. I better go make him fall in love with me so I can take away his Xbox and make him do stuff for me.":rofl:


You're not safe either ladies. 

Men see you and it's like "Damn she looks good! I gotta marry her so I can just wreck that body with a bunch of kids and some stress eating to deal with me.":rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Now _that_ sounds spiteful.  

Dolly's not being spiteful. She's just being Truth Dolly, trying to get APlanet past his seemingly willful ignorance and helplessness regarding his situation. The _only_ person who is really keeping drama in his life is him.


----------



## angelpixie

ne9907 said:


> A lot of men have this. My ex was one of them. He fervently insists that he never crossed the line with them. Of course, I was driving myself insane thinking he was having EAs (PA, I still believe he did).
> 
> I am starting to believe that HE believes he never had any EA. But in the end, I BELIEVED he was. He did nothing to changed my mind, All the red flags were there. ALL of them.
> 
> *Do I feel like a fool for ending my marriage because of false assumptions? *Sometimes, but then the reality hits. We had many other problems, many, many.....
> 
> My point is, do not talk to married women because the spouse always hurts... even if it is all innocent.
> Happy Face  cause you are a cool dude


NE, just because he didn't believe they were EAs doesn't mean you had false assumptions. 



ne9907 said:


> communication with a spouse is always the key right?
> Both, my ex and I failed at this. I rugsweep a lot, he kept his mouth shut. *I knew nothing of his "friends" until I would find out phone numbers, secret notes, messages trying to explain a relationship with a woman, or snarky comments from a "friend" on FB. You put that, plus our lack of intimacy, his rejection and it is a recipe for disaster.*
> 
> Maybe he was always loyal to me, but I seriously became an obsessive, paranoid, crazy woman. I felt so unwanted, so unloved, so ugly, like I was the ugliest woman on the universe. Of course, I talked to him but his responses started to sound more and more like excuses to me.
> 
> He of course blames me, I am trying to let go of the guilt because I seriously thought everything was my fault. I worshipped him (big mistake).....
> 
> Sometimes I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome


Have you read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass? If not, you should. I'll bet you'll find more support for what you believed. You posted some of the text conversations you had with him. I would not worry that you ended things because you mischaracterized him or what he was doing.


And as an aside, Stockholm Syndrome is actually quite common for abused partners in relationships. It's one of the reasons they stay as long as they do.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> It's like "Hey, there's a man who enjoys his freedom. I better go make him fall in love with me so I can take away his Xbox and make him do stuff for me."


Xbox??? PUKE. I had a luxurious night of cooking in my undies and reading book 4 of Game of Thrones.


----------



## Another Planet

Well I think I met someone last night after my rant...well and probably cause this last weekend and stuff too.
So I go to work this morning for a couple hours get back home its like -2° out so I am just like FCK I'm jumping back in bed with some coffee and a movie. I'm all curled up nice and warm kind if sleepy watching "this is 40" and my ex wife calls and is complaining to me about her crappy morning she's had already...hang up with her and I realize she sucks!!! So depressing ugh! 
And then I'm like wow so are those other two women, they only contact me when they hate something or other...bleh!
So im making myself breakfast and from somewhere i decide I'm going to date myself. 
Negative people suck! I'm gotta ditch these drags on life and move on 
 extra smily just for u daddio
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> ...hang up with her and I realize she sucks!!! So depressing ugh!
> And then I'm like wow so are those other two women, they only contact me when they hate something or other...bleh!
> So im making myself breakfast and from somewhere i decide I'm going to date myself.
> Negative people suck! I'm gotta ditch these drags on life and move on
> extra smily just for u daddio


Well done, APlanet... "dating yourself"... that's a great way to look at it. Make yourself happy for a while.

Now, the next step is...



Another Planet said:


> ...and my ex wife calls and is complaining to me about her crappy morning she's had already...


...to stop letting your ex-wife contact you in this manner (which includes, incidentally, inviting her over for dinner and drinks). It's not appropriate, and it's not helpful to you.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> ..to stop letting your ex-wife contact you in this manner (which includes, incidentally, inviting her over for dinner and drinks). It's not appropriate, and it's not helpful to you.
> Today 09:59 AM


My response..."So, ex wife, what did you have to tell me about the children? Oh nothing? Talk to you later." CLICK.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Well I think I met someone last night after my rant...well and probably cause this last weekend and stuff too.
> So I go to work this morning for a couple hours get back home its like -2° out so I am just like FCK I'm jumping back in bed with some coffee and a movie. I'm all curled up nice and warm kind if sleepy watching "this is 40" and my ex wife calls and is complaining to me about her crappy morning she's had already...hang up with her and I realize she sucks!!! So depressing ugh!
> And then I'm like wow so are those other two women, they only contact me when they hate something or other...bleh!
> So im making myself breakfast and from somewhere i decide I'm going to date myself.
> Negative people suck! I'm gotta ditch these drags on life and move on
> extra smily just for u daddio
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a good start, that's for sure but remember you taught them it was okay to treat you this way. It's going to take a while (and a lot of repetition) to retrain not only them but yourself.


----------



## Another Planet

I know. People only treat you the way that you let them. 
I'm sure this is just a mood but I've had it before so I know I can hang on to it...or at least have it again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I know. People only treat you the way that you let them.
> I'm sure this is just a mood but I've had it before so I know I can hang on to it...or at least have it again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Building a healthy foundation to fall back on when you're in a down swing will help. Being aware of bad tendencies creeping in and not acting on them will help.

Recognize a bad day, accept it, and work on moving past it. Enjoy the good days and be proud of yourself.

Keep working on the boundaries.


----------



## unsure78

3x you took the pic down to fast, i didn't get to see it


----------



## Another Planet

I saved it unsure I'll send it to you.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> I saved it unsure I'll send it to you.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:rofl:......No really, WTF.:scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

No not really lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

So what is the exact definition of "leading on"? 
I know what is it for me but wouldn't it be different for everyone based on their expectations?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Oh and Nsweet.. Dolly is not spiteful she just says the truth...


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I saved it unsure I'll send it to you.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


uuuuhhhh...oooook


----------



## Another Planet

I am so not meant for basic human consumption.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another how much sleep have you been getting? you seem to be bouncing around a lot....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> 3x you took the pic down to fast, i didn't get to see it


Sorry Unsure! Because just like THAT....hard hat is gone. DAMMIT!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Ugh its probably these women. They are driving me crazy and I gotta get them out of my life. No contact...well except my ex wife that would have to be minimal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

A little humor, what your dating app says about you:

What You're Really Saying With Your Dating App - CollegeHumor Post


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> So what is the exact definition of "leading on"?
> I know what is it for me but wouldn't it be different for everyone based on their expectations?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm pretty sure it's basically being more motivated by an outcome than a feeling and knowing that the feeling the other person has based on your performance, will generate that desired outcome. At which point you can leave.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Ugh its probably these women. They are driving me crazy and I gotta get them out of my life. No contact...well except my ex wife that would have to be minimal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: You need to put a strong foot down with the ex. Her game play needs to stop, or you will never be able to move forward successfully.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry Unsure! Because just like THAT....hard hat is gone. DAMMIT!!!


WHAAAAAAT? what happened 3X?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> WHAAAAAAT? what happened 3X?


He says is emotionally not ready for something serious, that we shared too much history instead of moving forward, that he is overwhelmed by all the attention he is getting now, that we are not on the same page with what we want. :scratchhead: Oh and he did this via email.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> He says is emotionally not ready for something serious, that we shared too much history instead of moving forward, that he is overwhelmed by all the attention he is getting now, that we are not on the same page with what we want. :scratchhead: Oh and he did this via email.


email...thats classy 

Im sorry 3x.. hugs


----------



## Another Planet

COGypsy said:


> I'm pretty sure it's basically being more motivated by an outcome than a feeling and knowing that the feeling the other person has based on your performance, will generate that desired outcome. At which point you can leave.


I was with you up to the point you said to leave? Maybe something is going over my head. 

I was asking because I had just emailed a girl on Match because I thought her leading line was funny but I had no other intentions... but now we have bounced a few emails back and forth and she seems pretty cool. 

Lol I just noticed the advertisement on this page for me is for divorce lawyers in Michigan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I had just emailed a girl on Match because I thought her leading line was funny but I had no other intentions...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You e-mailed a woman on Match and had no other intentions other than to comment on her leading line?

Really? Try being honest with yourself, this line of thinking is what will usually lead you into toxic relationships.


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> I was with you up to the point you said to leave? Maybe something is going over my head.
> 
> I was asking because I had just emailed a girl on Match because I thought her leading line was funny but I had no other intentions... but now we have bounced a few emails back and forth and she seems pretty cool.
> 
> Lol I just noticed the advertisement on this page for me is for divorce lawyers in Michigan.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well typically if you're leading someone on, once you have what you want from the encounter, there's no impetus to hang around any longer. So you have to either find a new thing you want from them or move on.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> email...thats classy
> 
> Im sorry 3x.. hugs


Thanks. Yeah, douchey move doing it by email. I'm ok, I wont say I'm not disappointed, but he did seem kinda high maintenance, and I still have unresolved feelings for NoChem as well, so its probably for the best.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Sorry Unsure! Because just like THAT....hard hat is gone. DAMMIT!!!


It's stuff like this that makes me very secure in my dating boundries and my approach to it.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> You e-mailed a woman on Match and had no other intentions other than to comment on her leading line?
> 
> Really? Try being honest with yourself, this line of thinking is what will usually lead you into toxic relationships.


OK i guess this is obviously something I need to work on. 
I just wanted to talk to her, I had no intentions on trying to sleep with her but now she is interesting. Is this not normal, to just want to talk to someone?
Don't lots of women talk to guys but don't have the intentions of sleeping with them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> OK i guess this is obviously something I need to work on.
> I just wanted to talk to her, I had no intentions on trying to sleep with her but now she is interesting. Is this not normal, to just want to talk to someone?
> Don't lots of women talk to guys but don't have the intentions of sleeping with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, usually you would talk to someone and get to know them. Knowing them would make you want to sleep with them........


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> OK i guess this is obviously something I need to work on.
> I just wanted to talk to her, I had no intentions on trying to sleep with her but now she is interesting. Is this not normal, to just want to talk to someone?
> Don't lots of women talk to guys but don't have the intentions of sleeping with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Usually the ones you have no intentions with end up being the ones you actually connect with.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh that sucks, 3x....

Dating is an adventure thats for sure. 

Been 2 weeks since I've seen karaoke hat. Schedules weren't really lining up, communication been extremely scarce and I cancelled on Saturday. He asked what I was doing Sunday and I was heading out to run some errands so told him that - haven't heard back from him since. But I'm not feeling it. No reason to continue, going to let him go. 

Found out more about lake hat. Changing his name to parole hat. Yup, thats why he has no car, no job, no license....he is currently on parole and has been out of prison for just a little over a year. Offenses were nothing crazy like murder or armed robbery or rape or anything. But getting a record young (concealed weapon felony at 18) started the path to where he is now. You just never know what people have been through in their lives, that's for sure. 

Shrink4menhat - no word from him since Saturday. I sent a Monday morning joke text. Not sure if we are still on for tomorrow or not. 

I am really thinking of pulling my online profile but haven't decided yet. I'm not very active on it, haven't gotten any new messages in a few weeks and just really really enjoy my meetup groups so much more.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> OK i guess this is obviously something I need to work on.
> I just wanted to talk to her, I had no intentions on trying to sleep with her but now she is interesting. Is this not normal, to just want to talk to someone?
> Don't lots of women talk to guys but don't have the intentions of sleeping with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you go into these conversations with the assumption that the woman automatically thinks you want to sleep with them right away?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh that sucks, 3x....
> 
> Dating is an adventure thats for sure.
> 
> Been 2 weeks since I've seen karaoke hat. Schedules weren't really lining up, communication been extremely scarce and I cancelled on Saturday. He asked what I was doing Sunday and I was heading out to run some errands so told him that - haven't heard back from him since. But I'm not feeling it. No reason to continue, going to let him go.
> 
> Found out more about lake hat. Changing his name to parole hat. Yup, thats why he has no car, no job, no license....he is currently on parole and has been out of prison for just a little over a year. Offenses were nothing crazy like murder or armed robbery or rape or anything. But getting a record young (concealed weapon felony at 18) started the path to where he is now. You just never know what people have been through in their lives, that's for sure.
> 
> Shrink4menhat - no word from him since Saturday. I sent a Monday morning joke text. Not sure if we are still on for tomorrow or not.
> 
> I am really thinking of pulling my online profile but haven't decided yet. I'm not very active on it, haven't gotten any new messages in a few weeks and just really really enjoy my meetup groups so much more.


Vi, I found that meetup groups and being active in social circles was so much more rewarding than online dating. It was much more fun too.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Do you go into these conversations with the assumption that the woman automatically thinks you want to sleep with them right away?


I am so confused?! So is it OK or not?
I emailed her because I wanted to talk to her but that was it at first. But now she seems cool and I am more attracted to her then just talk.
Is this not OK?

Of course I do not think they go into it wanting to sleep with me. Should I, is that what you are saying? I am so confused :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> OK i guess this is obviously something I need to work on.
> I just wanted to talk to her, I had no intentions on trying to sleep with her but now she is interesting. Is this not normal, to just want to talk to someone?
> Don't lots of women talk to guys but don't have the intentions of sleeping with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, but when I talk to them through a dating site the intentions of sex are much greater...

My problem is with sex. I will talk to guys I just meet and always think about sleeping with them. Its a problem and why I have to limit the situations I put myself in. 

This is default behavior that I am trying to change. And its hard. So please realize AP, recognizing the issues are one thing, stopping the behavior is another. I have been doing good so far with dating and meeting new guys, only had one slip up of fooling around when I knew I shouldn't have....didn't let it set me back though, just going to keep working on not being so easy. LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Vi, I found that meetup groups and being active in social circles was so much more rewarding than online dating. It was much more fun too.


Yeah I love the ability to talk to 20 different people vs stuck with one if the conversation isn't going well. And it seems people go to have fun vs. "expecting" to meet someone.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I am so confused?! So is it OK or not?
> I emailed her because I wanted to talk to her but that was it at first. But now she seems cool and I am more attracted to her then just talk.
> Is this not OK?
> 
> Of course I do not think they go into it wanting to sleep with me. Should I, is that what you are saying? I am so confused :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is my suggestion AP... stop talking to women for a while and just concentrate on building friendships with men and work on yourself... do you have any hobbies? or do you work out?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> OK i guess this is obviously something I need to work on.
> *I just wanted to talk to her, I had no intentions on trying to sleep with her but now she is interesting. Is this not normal, to just want to talk to someone?*
> Don't lots of women talk to guys but don't have the intentions of sleeping with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is very normal!  And the right order, in my opinion.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Here is my suggestion AP... stop talking to women for a while and just concentrate on building friendships with men and work on yourself... do you have any hobbies? or do you work out?


I do that. I work out and I have multiple hobbies, job, house etc...
I'm busy for the most part. I might seem like I am always on here but it is in between stuff or while I am doing paperwork or whatever in the office. 

Honestly I don't really like the majority of men. All they talk about is sports, hunting, and fishing. 
Although I like those things I really have no interest wanting to talk about them. 
Part of my problem I guess. 

guy- hey guys lets go watch the game on my 72" plasma while my GF makes us sandwiches
AP- see ya guys later, I'm going to go do something productive


----------



## Pbartender

Just signed up for a local meetup.com group that teaches swing dancing.

:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Just signed up for a local meetup.com group that teaches swing dancing.
> 
> :smthumbup:


Very nice I did a a walk/hike group from meetup.com this summer and fall... I really liked it and made a few friends from it :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Very nice I did a a walk/hike group from meetup.com this summer and fall... I really liked it and made a few friends from it :smthumbup:


I've got my Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos meetup group too, but I was looking for something else that was a little more... active.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah I love the ability to talk to 20 different people vs stuck with one if the conversation isn't going well. And it seems people go to have fun vs. "expecting" to meet someone.


EXACTLY. Just have fun.


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> I am so confused?! So is it OK or not?
> I emailed her because I wanted to talk to her but that was it at first. But now she seems cool and I am more attracted to her then just talk.
> Is this not OK?
> 
> Of course I do not think they go into it wanting to sleep with me. Should I, is that what you are saying? I am so confused :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you initiate contact with me via Match or a similar site, I'm going to assume that the intention is romantic. I don't cruise dating sites for hangout buddies. Some may become a friend later on if romance doesn't work out, but on a dating site, I am looking for dates. So while they may not be looking to sleep with you specifically right off the bat, the intention is to explore the possibility of a romantic connection, not someone to go shopping and get mani-pedi's with.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh that sucks, 3x....
> 
> Dating is an adventure thats for sure.
> 
> Been 2 weeks since I've seen karaoke hat. Schedules weren't really lining up, communication been extremely scarce and I cancelled on Saturday. He asked what I was doing Sunday and I was heading out to run some errands so told him that - haven't heard back from him since. But I'm not feeling it. No reason to continue, going to let him go.
> 
> Found out more about lake hat. Changing his name to parole hat. Yup, thats why he has no car, no job, no license....he is currently on parole and has been out of prison for just a little over a year. Offenses were nothing crazy like murder or armed robbery or rape or anything. But getting a record young (concealed weapon felony at 18) started the path to where he is now. You just never know what people have been through in their lives, that's for sure.
> 
> Shrink4menhat - no word from him since Saturday. I sent a Monday morning joke text. Not sure if we are still on for tomorrow or not.
> 
> I am really thinking of pulling my online profile but haven't decided yet. I'm not very active on it, haven't gotten any new messages in a few weeks and just really really enjoy my meetup groups so much more.


I think dating breaks are very healthy. Plus they have a way of unclogging the pipeline, so to speak. It seems like everytime I've found a long term-ish relationship, it's been when I've accepted "just one more date and then I'm off". Of course there have been plenty of times when I took the dating break and it was just that as well. Either way, I think it's like a juice fast--a good little reset to do from time to time!


----------



## Jellybeans

I am getting snowed in and just made some sauteed chicken breasts with veggies and pasta. Sometimes I feel like prepping the food is the most fun part. I find cooking therapeutic.



06Daddio08 said:


> Well, after 2-3 weeks of talking and 2 dates I told the gal I was seeing that I didn't see it going beyond what we had already done. This was after thanking her for offer to take me out next time around, told her to take care. She replied in kind and told me to take care as well.
> 
> Have respect for her, what she's been through and how she's going about things now ... but it just wasn't there for me after a while. The right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do, but I'm glad I did it, no interest in stringing someone along.


Kudos to you for doing this. Instead of the disappearing act and/or stringing her along.  It makes it so much easier. So what was it about her that you weren't feeling? Did you ever feel something between you two or was the spark just not there ever?



Dedicated2Her said:


> One thing that being in a long term marriage taught me.... I like being single (unmarried). I mean, yeah I have a gf. She is awesome. But, I LOVE being able to spend a couple of nights a week by myself. Those nights really refill my tank.
> 
> I couldn't imagine going home every night and living with someone. Maybe that will change one day. To all you single out there---ENJOY your singleness!





3Xnocharm said:


> He says is emotionally not ready for something serious, that we shared too much history instead of moving forward, that he is overwhelmed by all the attention he is getting now, that we are not on the same page with what we want. :scratchhead: Oh and he did this via email.





Dedicated2Her said:


> It's stuff like this that makes me very secure in my dating boundries and my approach to it.


Expand on what these boundaries are.



vi_bride04 said:


> Found out more about lake hat. *Changing his name to parole hat.* Yup, thats why he has no car, no job, no license....he is currently on parole and has been out of prison for just a little over a year.


:rofl::rofl: Well, better you found out now sooner than later. Did he tell you or you found out on your own?

3x--that sucks about Hardhat, but again, so much better to know early on before you invest any more time emotionally. 

Keep on w/ the keep on!


----------



## Another Planet

Ladies of TAM could you help me out here. Just got an email from new Match girl, what does this mean?... other then the obvious her account is up.

"I think my account is up on the 23rd! So I should continue getting emails til then. "

Why won't she just give me her number? I guess if I can't talk to her anyway cause her account is up I might as well drop my number to her....


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl: Well, better you found out now sooner than later. Did he tell you or you found out on your own?


He told me himself. I went out with him Sunday spur of the moment to get some good Mexican food and he was upfront with everything before we even got out of the car to the restaurant. It took him a good 20min to explain from start to finish all that happened. He gave me some more personal info so I can do county record searching if I want. He seemed to own his sh!t quite well from the questions I asked and his explanations. After that he seemed much more relaxed. I did ask questions about prison....maybe thats rude but I have never met anyone that has been in before. I didn't ask anything about dropping the soap though LMAO. I actually think me willing to talk about it in a non judgemental and strictly curious way lightened the mood quite a bit.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> "I think my account is up on the 23rd! So I should continue getting emails til then. "


Take it at face value. She will have Match til the 23rd so feel free to keep sending her messages til then. You could ask her, do you want to talk offline? 

Vi--it's good that he was so open about it with you; instead of you finding out on your own.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Ladies of TAM could you help me out here. Just got an email from new Match girl, what does this mean?... other then the obvious her account is up.
> 
> "I think my account is up on the 23rd! So I should continue getting emails til then. "
> 
> Why won't she just give me her number? I guess if I can't talk to her anyway cause her account is up I might as well drop my number to her....


Seems to me she wants you to send your number!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Take it at face value. She will have Match til the 23rd so feel free to keep sending her messages til then. You could ask her, do you want to talk offline?





3Xnocharm said:


> Seems to me she wants you to send your number!


Yeah I have gotten the vibe pretty much the whole time that she is that type, not sure if I want that. I like someone to know what they want.
She does have a good stable job, her own place, and kids so...


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I have gotten the *vibe pretty much the whole time that she is that type, not sure if I want that.* I like someone to know what they want.
> She does have a good stable job, her own place, and kids so...


If its not a fvck yes, don't do it


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> If its not a fvck yes, don't do it


I just ordered that book! I didn't know about it until Nsweet posted that link awhile ago. Had to find a used copy on amazon, hopefully be here any day.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I just ordered that book! I didn't know about it until Nsweet posted that link awhile ago. Had to find a used copy on amazon, hopefully be here any day.


That mantra has really helped with my not so great decision making process when it comes to guys/sex especially. It helps in pretty much any other social area of my life as well, but the most positive impact it has had is with my sh!tty behavior that I am trying to change.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> If its not a fvck yes, don't do it


OMG. Yesss! That article was THE BEST.

A reposting it here for others to see:

http://markmanson.net/****-yes


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Vi--it's good that he was so open about it with you; instead of you finding out on your own.


It was actually very refreshing. He told me right away before continuing to go on dates with me, he hasn't tried to sleep with me or really push those boundaries (I think the first date was just serious nerves and a little much alcohol). Maybe I should just cut and run, but I don't feel like it even after finding this out. He is definitely a fvck yes physically. Maybe my hormones are saying "hey now lets not be that judgmental yet" :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Maybe I should just cut and run, but I don't feel like it even after finding this out. *He is definitely a fvck yes physically*.


:rofl::smthumbup::rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Well I dropped her my number and email.....told her I would like to continue talking to her.
Once you have those you can totally stalk the fvck out of me. All the way to FB and even my house lol


----------



## Healer

Well I reckon it's about time I join you lot in this beast of a thread! Separated for 14 months - D is close but probably 3 or so months away.

I dated quite a bit in the beginning - a knee jerk reaction to being cheated on and then left. We attempted R for 10 weeks, then I realized I couldn't stay with her after what she did, and I ended it for good. I am very happy we are not together any more. I casually see a woman who is currently out of town for 2 months. We keep it pretty casual - I dig her, but I don't have serious feelings for her - maybe I'm not capable of that right now?

I play in a couple of bands and have met some women that way...but I don't know - I'm not nuts about meeting women under those circumstances (alcohol, the icky environment etc). I am not by nature a "player" and am not really capable of the ONS thing - I do require some emotional connection before sex and I take some time to get comfortable enough with a woman to be able to "perform". I kind of wish sometimes I could "slvt it up", but my mind and equipment don't seem to work that way. I really wish I had it in me to do the cold approach - how do I do that? It's bloody terrifying.

I have 2 kids who I have Wednesday-Sunday. I make over $100k a year, and my bands gig maybe 2 or 3 times a month. I'm not really a sports guy - more of an artist. The drummer and I get a lot of attention from the ladies, but he has the ability to take them home and sleep with them no problem. As I said, that's not my nature. 

I guess I'm looking for advice on how to take better advantage of my situation, relax around women, and "follow through" better.

Also I'd appreciate feedback on my online dating profile. 

******* | The-Groove / 38 / M / Calgary, Alberta, Canada

How can I improve it? What needs to be scrapped? Additions?

Sorry for the rant! Looking forward to reading this entire thread over the next bit. Cheers everyone.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> You boys better be careful with your freedom.
> 
> Anytime you're actually happy being single and free. And you act like you don't want a relationship to tie you down....
> 
> *THAT'S WHEN THEY GET YOU!*
> 
> 
> Yep spot on ns - it's the old when your not looking thing .
> l can still feel something going on. My house sold 2wks back and l thought that was it but l still feel it ha , it's probably a new love just round the corners my guess .


----------



## jpr

I read your profile, Healer.

Whaaaaaat???  You don't own leathers??? What kind of man are you? 



...I think Muskrat has a pair you can borrow.

Seriously, though. I am no expert, but I think your profile is nice. I'd have a drink with you...but, you do mention kissing (something about kissing behind the earlobe...and kissing being one of your hobbies). I think if I had a drink with you, in the back of my mind I would be thinking "He's a player" to myself the entire time. Maybe some women like it, but it would sort of make me skeptical about your intentions. 

That's just my take though.

Your profile makes you seems interesting. Have you had a lot of positive feedback?


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> He says is emotionally not ready for something serious, that we shared too much history instead of moving forward, that he is overwhelmed by all the attention he is getting now, that we are not on the same page with what we want. :scratchhead: Oh and he did this via email.



What too much attentions does he mean 3x , you been spoiling him ?
Not that there's anything wrong with being spoilt- ha , wish someone would spoil me right now


----------



## Healer

jpr said:


> I read your profile, Healer.
> 
> Whaaaaaat???  You don't own leathers??? What kind of man are you?
> 
> 
> 
> ...I think Muskrat has a pair you can borrow.
> 
> Seriously, though. I am no expert, but I think your profile is nice. I'd have a drink with you...but, you do mention kissing (something about kissing behind the earlobe...and kissing being one of your hobbies). I think if I had a drink with you, in the back of my mind I would be thinking "He's a player" to myself the entire time. Maybe some women like it, but it would sort of make me skeptical about your intentions.
> 
> That's just my take though.
> 
> Your profile makes you seems interesting. Have you had a lot of positive feedback?


Actually I got some Versace leathers - I just haven't had the gumption to wear them yet. The gay guys at work keep asking me when I will wear them on casual Friday. LOL.

Thank you - I didn't think about the kissing thing being playerish...you'd recommend I yank that?


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> Vi, I found that meetup groups and being active in social circles was so much more rewarding than online dating. It was much more fun too.



Yah wish there was some meetup stuff going on around me but there's not much.
There's only about 5 people in them and they only have 1 or 2 a yr.


----------



## jpr

Healer said:


> Actually I got some Versace leathers - I just haven't had the gumption to wear them yet. The gay guys at work keep asking me when I will wear them on casual Friday. LOL.
> 
> Thank you - I didn't think about the kissing thing being playerish...y*ou'd recommend I yank that?[*/QUOTE]
> 
> Ooooohhh, I don't know. The earlobe thing is sort of sexy ...but, yeah. Maybe I'd yank that one, but leave the 'kissing' thing under activities?
> 
> I'd leave one and yank the other.
> 
> I guess it sort of depends on what you are trying to attract..
> 
> What ARE you trying to attract?


----------



## Healer

jpr said:


> Healer said:
> 
> 
> 
> Actually I got some Versace leathers - I just haven't had the gumption to wear them yet. The gay guys at work keep asking me when I will wear them on casual Friday. LOL.
> 
> Thank you - I didn't think about the kissing thing being playerish...y*ou'd recommend I yank that?[*/QUOTE]
> 
> Ooooohhh, I don't know. The earlobe thing is sort of sexy ...but, yeah. Maybe I'd yank that one, but leave the 'kissing' thing under activities?
> 
> I'd leave one and yank the other.
> 
> I guess it sort of depends on what you are trying to attract..
> 
> What ARE you trying to attract?
> 
> 
> 
> Haha! Good question. To be honest I'm not sure...I'm pretty open to anything at this point - I was married for 13 years, with her for 16. I guess you could say I want to see what's out there.
Click to expand...


----------



## whitehawk

deleted as another silly question by WH.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> I guess I'm looking for advice on how to take better advantage of my situation, relax around women, and "follow through" better.
> 
> Also I'd appreciate feedback on my online dating profile.
> 
> ******* | The-Groove / 38 / M / Calgary, Alberta, Canada
> 
> How can I improve it? What needs to be scrapped? Additions?
> 
> Sorry for the rant! Looking forward to reading this entire thread over the next bit. Cheers everyone.


Dude, I'd hit that!! :smthumbup: Seriously, thats an awesome profile! And welcome to the epic thread!


----------



## jpr

Healer...

On second thought...

Leave it as is. See what you attract.

I bet you do well with that profile.


You are a good looking guy, and seem interesting. I am sure you will popular.


----------



## vi_bride04

Some good lookin' Canadians on this thread


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Some good lookin' Canadians on this thread


QFT


----------



## jpr

vi_bride04 said:


> Some good lookin' Canadians on this thread


Maybe you should consider moving north?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Maybe you should consider moving north?


I have been thinking about leaving Mich...I'm so sick of the no sun....there are 200 and some mostly cloudy days a year. 

But I'm also sick of winters so was thinking south...lol


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Well I reckon it's about time I join you lot in this beast of a thread! Separated for 14 months - D is close but probably 3 or so months away.
> 
> I dated quite a bit in the beginning - a knee jerk reaction to being cheated on and then left. We attempted R for 10 weeks, then I realized I couldn't stay with her after what she did, and I ended it for good. I am very happy we are not together any more. I casually see a woman who is currently out of town for 2 months. We keep it pretty casual - I dig her, but I don't have serious feelings for her - maybe I'm not capable of that right now?
> 
> I play in a couple of bands and have met some women that way...but I don't know - I'm not nuts about meeting women under those circumstances (alcohol, the icky environment etc). I am not by nature a "player" and am not really capable of the ONS thing - I do require some emotional connection before sex and I take some time to get comfortable enough with a woman to be able to "perform". I kind of wish sometimes I could "slvt it up", but my mind and equipment don't seem to work that way. I really wish I had it in me to do the cold approach - how do I do that? It's bloody terrifying.
> 
> I have 2 kids who I have Wednesday-Sunday. I make over $100k a year, and my bands gig maybe 2 or 3 times a month. I'm not really a sports guy - more of an artist. The drummer and I get a lot of attention from the ladies, but he has the ability to take them home and sleep with them no problem. As I said, that's not my nature.
> 
> I guess I'm looking for advice on how to take better advantage of my situation, relax around women, and "follow through" better.
> 
> Also I'd appreciate feedback on my online dating profile.
> 
> ******* | The-Groove / 38 / M / Calgary, Alberta, Canada
> 
> How can I improve it? What needs to be scrapped? Additions?
> 
> Sorry for the rant! Looking forward to reading this entire thread over the next bit. Cheers everyone.


Welcome Healer!


----------



## unsure78

Hey Healer join the party... i also checked out your profile... i actually would remove the kissing behind the ear thing... but its just me... i pass over the overtly sexual profiles
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

So still no dating, but I have a question.
I had my interview for the library position last week.
Today, I get an email, the message read 
Hi Norma, please call me to discuss your interview. I tried calling the number provided in the application but it was disconnected.

I updated my phone number on application, Apparently the update didn't take effect.
Does it sound like good news or bad news????

I cant call because I just got home and it is after 5pm!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> So still no dating, but I have a question.
> I had my interview for the library position last week.
> Today, I get an email, the message read
> Hi Norma, please call me to discuss your interview. I tried calling the number provided in the application but it was disconnected.
> 
> I updated my phone number on application, Apparently the update didn't take effect.
> Does it sound like good news or bad news????
> 
> I cant call because I just got home and it is after 5pm!!


If the number doesn't work just call the place and say ***** told me to call and the number is disconnected. No reason to micro decision it, this won't hurt anything just call and ask, no one will mind promise


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> If the number doesn't work just call the place and say ***** told me to call and the number is disconnected. No reason to micro decision it, this won't hurt anything just call and ask, no one will mind promise



I should have explained myself better. THey will either make an offer or they will not. I really want this job, so the waiting is killing me! 
I wonder whether them sending an email and asking for me to call them is good news or bad news


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I should have explained myself better. THey will either make an offer or they will not. I really want this job, so the waiting is killing me!
> I wonder whether them sending an email and asking for me to call them is good news or bad news


I would think its a good thing.

I have NEVER heard back from a place I interviewed for and didn't get the job. *Crossing fingers for you*


----------



## vi_bride04

Tonight is night I really wish I had a steady someone who could rock my world....

Man I miss a good shag....and not just a shag...a GOOD one

The one thing about my marriage and my relationship before that is the sex was great. So I've had close to 15yrs of consistent PIV orgasms. 

It has been almost 2 years of utter crap with an exception or two

Just reflecting I guess....and horny...LMAO 

I know this is the thread I can vent my frustration to


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Vi I hear ya, it's cold here in Michigan...sheets need to be warmed up 0_0


My temp gauge in my car said -5 about an hour ago when I got home from getting dog food and such. I am so sick of this cold.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> My temp gauge in my car said -5 about an hour ago when I got home from getting dog food and such. I am so sick of this cold.


What kind of dogs do you have?..sorry I deleted that comment


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> What kind of dogs do you have?..sorry I deleted that comment


A male doberman and a female Aussie. Both rescues, both goofy and fun  They are best buds but the aussie runs the dobe. 

I have been letting them sleep in my bed with me the past couple of weeks. I usually never let dogs on the furniture, especially the bed. But I figured what good is a doberman if an intruder breaks in if he is locked in a crate at night?? Lol

ETA: I should have pics of them in my album...


----------



## Another Planet

Thats an enormous pic...sorry guys.
Love aussies


----------



## vi_bride04

Is that a pit or an american bulldog?? Or just a mix? Pits and the like are great dogs. 

After my first dobe passed it took me about a year and a half until I was ready for another. Then I saw Chance at the local pound and I knew he was mine. I really wanted to support the Dobe rescue I got my first guy from but I just saw Chance and instantly connected with him. I visited him every day for the 7 day hold period until I could take him home. 

I will always have a doberman in my life

(I'm drinking wine so don't mind my ramblings tonight folks!)


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Tonight is night I really wish I had a steady someone who could rock my world....
> 
> *Man I miss a good shag....and not just a shag...a GOOD one*
> 
> The one thing about my marriage and my relationship before that is the sex was great. So I've had close to 15yrs of consistent PIV orgasms.
> 
> It has been almost 2 years of utter crap with an exception or two
> 
> Just reflecting I guess....and horny...LMAO
> 
> I know this is the thread I can vent my frustration to


You said it sister.:smthumbup: 

Nothing compares to really good married sex. The kind you get from dates is usually adequate but it's like they only care about impressing you or pleasing themselves. And a lot of the women I've been with were selfish lovers. 

It's not like that with someone you really care about. Unless you're a really passionate lover who finds another passionate one and you both give as much as you take. Those people are hard to find. It's hard to find a really wonderful person who knows how to give a good shag.


----------



## angelpixie

Just ran across this, and I'm putting this out there for the perusal of the TAM Singles gang:

How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction to People Who Are Good for You | Psychology Today


----------



## Another Planet

That's Isis, my American bulldog. She was my girl.
I can't replace her and I honestly am not ready to even think of trying. 
I would love a new pup but...


----------



## TheCatfish

I guess I better join the ranks. Hi everyone. Man here with no N.U.T.S. but I'm working on getting them back.


----------



## Another Planet

Welcome Catfish...I will call you CatHat...no not really, not my job lol the women here will brand you...with a sizzle


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> That's Isis, my American bulldog. She was my girl.
> I can't replace her and I honestly am not ready to even think of trying.
> I would love a new pup but...


Ya know, a new dog might do you some good. I know mine have helped me through rough emotional times. But I know its really hard to bring a new dog into the house when you are mourning the old one still. 

Anyways, I will NEVER adopt a puppy...ever. Chance was maybe 18 months when I got him and that was way more than enough puppy for me. I love the younger dogs, around 3 years. They usually have housetraining down and some manners/training of some kind. And are starting to calm down from crazy puppy hyperness. 

Your girl was beautiful. AB's are really cool dogs.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

angelpixie said:


> Just ran across this, and I'm putting this out there for the perusal of the TAM Singles gang:
> 
> How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction to People Who Are Good for You | Psychology Today


Good link, thank Angel!


----------



## whitehawk

Healer said:


> Well I reckon it's about time I join you lot in this beast
> 
> I guess I'm looking for advice on how to take better advantage of my situation, relax around women, and "follow through" better.
> 
> Also I'd appreciate feedback on my online dating profile.
> 
> ******* | The-Groove / 38 / M / Calgary, Alberta, Canada
> 
> How can I improve it? What needs to be scrapped? Additions?
> 
> Sorry for the rant! Looking forward to reading this entire thread over the next bit. Cheers everyone.



I was thinking later but hey I'm male so probably the wrong sex to say and hopeless at doing those things but l reckon it's pretty good Healer . Maybe a touch long and a bit personal for what l'd like to put out there myself. 
But hey it puts my new one to shame and l'm getting hits so you should be beating them off . Great pic.

ps , Can you let us know how it goes ?

Good luck


----------



## doureallycare2

So I had a really hard couple of days… Everything was going good I was going to have tall guy to dinner Sunday. I went out to go to the store, let my dog out to ride with me (he loves going for rides) and will go right to the car door. However this time there was a lose dog in the road and he took off like a bat out of hell for that dog, even though the dog was much bigger the dog ran and my dog chased, right in front of a car. There was so much blood I thought my dog was dead, he was barely alive. Somehow we made it to the emergency vets and he pulled through. It was a very emotional and trying night waiting for word but I was encouraged by every hour that went by. My x ended up coming to vets and while we waited dumped on me about how bad his situation is with GF and he wants to move back in the house.. he wants to make the better his life and make better decisions. I say no of course and he’s crying over that and dog…Mean while I post on FB about my dog and the widower calls me to see if I’m ok. I say yes and he says how much he misses me and wants to come and be with me while I’m going through this.. I say no. This does not reflect how emotionally hard it was on me waiting for word of my baby while these guys were trying “everything” (because believe me my just saying no didn’t end the conversations) to promote their own cause. By the end of the night if I never talked to another man I would have been fine!
DURC


----------



## Jellybeans

doyoureally: I hope your dog is going to be ok!




vi_bride04 said:


> Tonight is night I really wish I had a steady someone who could rock my world....
> 
> Man I miss a good shag....and not just a shag...a GOOD one


I feel your pain sister. Every damn day, I feel your pain. 





angelpixie said:


> Just ran across this, and I'm putting this out there for the perusal of the TAM Singles gang


Neato. For me, it has been RARE that I ever developed sexual feelings for someone that I wasn't mildly attracted to from the onset. It doesn't happen for me. I am either into it or not. 

Healer--your profile looks fine to me (and is funny).

Welcome, Catfish.

Nene--good luck. I hope you get the job!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Why the hell is this thread suddenly too big for my monitor??


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Why the hell is this thread suddenly too big for my monitor??


Might be from my pic...I will delete it, tell me if it works.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Might be from my pic...I will delete it, tell me if it works.


Well, if you deleted it, that worked! lol! Was I the only one??


----------



## Another Planet

No, I had to scroll over to the right to get the whole screen. It happens that's why I knew why it was...and hence why I said sorry for the enormous pic


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I am such a fvcking idiot, such a fool. NoChem did it to me again. New low even for him.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I am such a fvcking idiot, such a fool. NoChem did it to me again. New low even for him.


oh did you go and "seek comfort" from no chem after it ended with hard hat?


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Why the hell is this thread suddenly too big for my monitor??


It was for me, too. When I clicked back, it was better. I think it's cause AP took that pic down.

What happened with NoChem?

Angel--that was an interesting article that you posted! I enjoyed it. Thanks!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I am such a fvcking idiot, such a fool. NoChem did it to me again. New low even for him.


You know the M.O. of that guy so did he really do it or did you just allow it?


----------



## Dollystanford

3Xnocharm said:


> I am such a fvcking idiot, such a fool. NoChem did it to me again. New low even for him.


But you let him do it! You need to go NC with that dude like yesterday
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Is no chem the one who "picked" the other gal?


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> You know the M.O. of that guy so did he really do it or did you just allow it?





Dollystanford said:


> But you let him do it! You need to go NC with that dude like yesterday
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


These ladies are right, 3x. Much as it hurts to read. This guy is not the one for you. Unless you can simply keep him as a lover/fling, all it is going to do is hurt you.



06Daddio08 said:


> Is no chem the one who "picked" the other gal?


Yep.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> oh did you go and "seek comfort" from no chem after it ended with hard hat?


With his actions toward me recently... how he kept begging me to spend time with him, saying how he missed me and wanted me, and what a fool he had been about me...I thought he was finally ready to be exclusive. I had been fighting my feelings for him the whole time I was trying to establish something with hardhat. So last night, I invited him over, and offered him my heart and asked if he would finally give us a chance. He turned me down. Said he still wasnt ready for me, that he needed time to work through some things, blah blah. Then he went home and invited P over and fvcked her.


----------



## Dollystanford

3Xnocharm said:


> With his actions toward me recently... how he kept begging me to spend time with him, saying how he missed me and wanted me, and what a fool he had been about me...I thought he was finally ready to be exclusive. I had been fighting my feelings for him the whole time I was trying to establish something with hardhat. So last night, I invited him over, and offered him my heart and asked if he would finally give us a chance. He turned me down. Said he still wasnt ready for me, that he needed time to work through some things, blah blah. Then he went home and invited P over and fvcked her.


If you ever contact him or respond to him again I'm going to b*tchslap you all over this board 
Never again!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> With his actions toward me recently... how he kept begging me to spend time with him, saying how he missed me and wanted me, and what a fool he had been about me...I thought he was finally ready to be exclusive. I had been fighting my feelings for him the whole time I was trying to establish something with hardhat. So last night, I invited him over, and offered him my heart and asked if he would finally give us a chance. He turned me down. Said he still wasnt ready for me, that he needed time to work through some things, blah blah. Then he went home and invited P over and fvcked her.


So, had enough of him yet?


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> With his actions toward me recently... *how he kept begging me to spend time with him, saying how he missed me and wanted me, and what a fool he had been about me*...I thought he was finally ready to be exclusive. I had been fighting my feelings for him the whole time I was trying to establish something with hardhat. *So last night, I invited him over, and offered him my heart and asked if he would finally give us a chance. He turned me down*. Said he still wasnt ready for me, that he needed time to work through some things, blah blah. T*hen he went home and invited P over and fvcked her*.


Ugh.

And HOW do you know the last part? Did he tell you? Did she? 

Look, this guy is all talk and no action. He has told you from the onset he doesn't want anything with you. He has you as a "filler" 3x. Like I said, the ONLY way anything will work between you guys is if you can separate your feelings for him and have him as a fvckbuddy--which you can't. Because you genuinely like him/have feelings for him. Emotions and liking people = you can't JUST be fckbuddies.

This chart may help you:

http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Can-You-Be-Friends-With-Benefits.jpg

And Dolly is spot on.


----------



## doureallycare2

I agree, as much as you want this to happen he doesnt! How do you value your self? Arent you worth more then being a leftover?


----------



## angelpixie

doureallycare2 said:


> I agree, as much as you want this to happen he doesnt! *How do you value your self? Arent you worth more then being a leftover?*



Yes, 3x, you are -- but you have to believe it and act like it! He won't treat you any better than a leftover if he doesn't have to. Why should he? He only has to put forth very little effort (in the form of words) to get you back.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh.
> 
> And HOW do you know the last part? Did he tell you? Did she?


I didnt hear from him after he left, I texted a couple of times and he never responded. The only time he never responds to me is when he is with someone, and my gut knew immediately. He confessed this morning once he realized I already knew. 

I know you are all right about everything. I still had feelings though and felt the need to give it a try, especially with the way he had been acting toward me. Dont beat me up too much, I am very raw today.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I didnt hear from him after he left, I texted a couple of times and he never responded. The only time he never responds to me is when he is with someone, and my gut knew immediately. He confessed this morning once he realized I already knew.


Wait. So did you text him, "Are you with her" and that is why he confessed? Or did he confess randomly/of his own volition to you w/o you having said anything because he felt bad? 

It's odd.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

{{{{{{{3xnocharm}}}}}}}}}


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Wait. So did you text him, "Are you with her" and that is why he confessed? Or did he confess randomly/of his own volition to you w/o you having said anything because he felt bad?
> 
> It's odd.


No...he confessed because I told him I already knew, so to just tell the truth. Now he thinks he deserves a medal for telling the truth. I got all the guilty excuses about how it wasnt planned, he didnt mean for it to happen, blah blah frickin blah.


----------



## ne9907

aww, I am so sorry 3x...

I didn't get the librarian position I had interviewed for...
I am surprise that I am not more upset, it does suck and I should be devastated but I am not.

Of course, now that my long term plans are nixed (for now), I am thinking more and more about ex...

I will overcome and so shall you 3xnocharm!!!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Be kind to yourself. Forgive your self - heck, congratulate yourself for being human and not being jaded. 

Do something nice for yourself. A bath, buy a new book, buy a more expensive bottle of wine than usual... whatever your 'thing' is - treat yourself the way you know you should be treated. 

And delete them from your phone.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> No...he confessed because I told him I already knew, so to just tell the truth. Now he thinks he deserves a medal for telling the truth. I got all the guilty excuses about how it wasnt planned, he didnt mean for it to happen, blah blah frickin blah.


He is very WORDY but not much else to back up anything he says.

3x..you already know what to do. You are going to have to shut him down in order to protect yourself. It's going to suck but it is totally necessarily.

Ne--sorry about the job. Just means there is another one out there for you.

Hi Enjoli!


----------



## angelpixie

Awww, sorry, Ne.  I was really pulling for you. Hopefully, they gave you some feedback that you can use for next time. Don't give up! If it really is your dream job, then keep going for it!


----------



## lisab0105

3X, you are nothing more than an ego boost to Mr.Dumbass (AKA Mr. NoChem)

He needed a good stroking and you provided it. 

You are grounded :whip:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

*snicker* ..."good stroking"....

Hi, JB! *waves*


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> *3X, you are nothing more than an ego boost to Mr.Dumbass (AKA Mr. NoChem)*
> 
> He needed a good stroking and you provided it.
> 
> You are grounded :whip:


I know.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> 3X, you are nothing more than an ego boost to Mr.Dumbass (AKA Mr. NoChem)
> 
> He needed a good stroking and you provided it.
> 
> You are grounded :whip:


I've only caught a handful of your posts, the ones I have read make me wish you didn't live in NJ.

Just saying.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I know.


It's a hard thing, going NC with someone you have residual feelings for. Consistency is the key though.


----------



## angelpixie

To continue my reading assignments for you all, today (and because I've spent too much time sucked into the Psych Today website ), I'll add these couple, inspired by you, Unsure, and your posts about SA's (lack of) kissing skills:

It's In His Kiss | Psychology Today


The Mystery of Kissing | Psychology Today


Once everyone's finished reading, we'll have a group discussion. Be prepared with questions and comments.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> *It's a hard thing, going NC with someone you have residual feelings for.* Consistency is the key though.


Thats a nice way of putting it.

Absolutely excruciating rip your heart out experience is another if feelings were deep enough. 

Cut it now, 3x, before feelings get any stronger b/c that will make NC that much harder. I almost broke NC yesterday but thankfully had my sister 2x4 me.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> To continue my reading assignments for you all, today (and because I've spent too much time sucked into the Psych Today website ), I'll add these couple, inspired by you, Unsure, and your posts about SA's (lack of) kissing skills:
> 
> It's In His Kiss | Psychology Today
> 
> 
> The Mystery of Kissing | Psychology Today
> 
> 
> Once everyone's finished reading, we'll have a group discussion. Be prepared with questions and comments.


Let's.

Mr On and Off for 6 years is fabulous in many ways. He's handy, responsible, neat/clean, chivalrous, kind, homeowner, our financial styles mesh, good sense of humor, likes to travel, decent build, smiling eyes... Our religious styles mesh. We can spend hours talking about nothing and everything. But he doesn't french kiss, which I only found out during the first "on" stage which lasted one weekend before he backed off. I recently discovered it was because he didn't want to mess things up with my daughter, which is nice but how about talk to me about it (red flag on the no-talkie thing). 

We recently talked more about our compatibility and it has all been quite practical (too much so) regarding how it's hard to wait 3 years til kiddo is gone or choose for one or the other to move. Yet he has never told me he loves me and the lack of kissing is a problem. We go out often and haven't gotten physical - more like we are deciding how to proceed and feeling each other out.

It's a shame really, because he's perfect for me in a lot of ways but I can't imagine getting excited (so the first few times the excitement was novelty) year after year without passionate kissing. We have plans for a day trip next weekend and the drive back is going to be uncomfortably necessary. Because if I have to TALK him into kissing, that article just confirms most men gradually reduce kissing as they get older and women don't. And I just KNOW that would happen and I would be very unhappy. And I think that's why I don't love him. I think I could/would fall but I can't without that.

So I'm going to have to not spend every free weekend with him anymore to make room for other people in my life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats a nice way of putting it.
> *
> Absolutely excruciating rip your heart out experience is another if feelings were deep enough. *
> 
> Cut it now, 3x, before feelings get any stronger b/c that will make NC that much harder. I almost broke NC yesterday but thankfully had my sister 2x4 me.


THIS is where I am at. I have told him to leave me alone.


----------



## angelpixie

That would be awful for me, too, Enjoli. I'd be really wondering what his deal is. Yes, the article said that guys tend to kiss less as time goes on, but this seems like an aversion to passionate kissing, period. Is he affectionate in other ways -- holding your hand, hugs, caresses -- besides kissing or ways overtly heading towards sex? 

If physical affection is something you need in a relationship to make it fulfilling, then don't settle. There might be traits that you'll place less importance on, if he has other traits you admire more, but lack of physical affection is a pretty big thing.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Thats a nice way of putting it.
> 
> Absolutely excruciating rip your heart out experience is another if feelings were deep enough.
> 
> Cut it now, 3x, before feelings get any stronger b/c that will make NC that much harder. I almost broke NC yesterday but thankfully had my sister 2x4 me.


..... with the brain mushed one?


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> ..... with the brain mushed one?


Yes...the one that needs extreme amounts of therapy. 

I just wanted to say good luck....and I can't even do that. And it still hurts that I can't and shouldn't. Now I'm crying at my desk thinking about it.....

I see why I need to stay NC. Too much pain and I need to protect myself.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes...the one that needs extreme amounts of therapy.
> 
> I just wanted to say good luck....and I can't even do that. And it still hurts that I can't and shouldn't. Now I'm crying at my desk thinking about it.....
> 
> I see why I need to stay NC. Too much pain and I need to protect myself.


I'm sorry Vi, I dont mean to cause a trigger for anyone...


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm sorry Vi, I dont mean to cause a trigger for anyone...


Don't appologize, 3x. I trigger myself sitting with my own thoughts not even reading TAM. Love doesn't just evaporate overnight or stop just b/c of NC with someone and sometimes my thoughts just get the best of me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Yes...the one that needs extreme amounts of therapy.
> 
> I just wanted to say good luck....and I can't even do that. And it still hurts that I can't and shouldn't. Now I'm crying at my desk thinking about it.....
> 
> I see why I need to stay NC. Too much pain and I need to protect myself.






vi_bride04 said:


> Don't appologize, 3x. I trigger myself sitting with my own thoughts not even reading TAM. Love doesn't just evaporate overnight or stop just b/c of NC with someone and sometimes my thoughts just get the best of me.


He's a lair and a cheat, puts on a good show when he can get away with it. Your triggers have more to do with what you envisioned things to be and you still have to forgive yourself. Plus, you connect your self worth to it all.

I'd gladly kick him in the shnuts anyway for you.


----------



## jpr

Awwwww....I am sorry, ladies.



Going NC is so, so, so hard when you really have feelings for someone.

But, you all are smart, and I think your brain *knows* what the right thing to do is.

The trick is to love yourself more than your heart *thinks* it wants to love the toxic partner.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> That would be awful for me, too, Enjoli. I'd be really wondering what his deal is. *Yes, the article said that guys tend to kiss less as time goes on*, but this seems like an aversion to passionate kissing, period. Is he affectionate in other ways -- holding your hand, hugs, caresses -- besides kissing or ways overtly heading towards sex?
> 
> If physical affection is something you need in a relationship to make it fulfilling, then don't settle. There might be traits that you'll place less importance on, if he has other traits you admire more, but lack of physical affection is a pretty big thing.


Sorry to butt in, but I will assume these are statistical averages. I say that because I believe I exist outside of the mean and even beyond at least on standard deviation. 

I have actually found myself to be more passionate with my wife as I have aged into my 50s; more of wanting to cuddle, kiss and hold hands as well as you know.


----------



## jpr

I love kissing. And I love finding that special place to kiss on a man's body that drives him wild. 

I found my hat's special place. 


Looking back on things, Sasquatch and I didn't kiss a lot in our marriage. Hardly ever. ...only when we were doing the doin's. 

But, my hat and I kiss all the time. Every night, every morning...as soon as he gets home. All. the. time. I want to keep it that way. I love it.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, my hat rolls over in his sleep and kisses my forehead and whispers, "I love you"...and then rolls back over to go to sleep. That is one of my favorite kisses. 

I agree with Angel. If my dating prospect didn't like affection, I don't think I could see a real future with him. This is not something I would want to skimp on.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> He's a lair and a cheat, puts on a good show when he can get away with it. Your triggers have more to do with what you envisioned things to be and you still have to forgive yourself. Plus, you connect your self worth to it all.
> 
> I'd gladly kick him in the shnuts anyway for you.


Damn Up, its like you know me or something 

The forgiving myself I think is the hardest thing. The self worth part is a deeper issue and not tied to just him or men, but people and how they treat me in general. Figured out its one of the reasons for my "lets jump into bed really fast even though I'm not sure if I like you" b.s.

Oh and I will never call you Daddio, btw. LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> Looking back on things, Sasquatch and I didn't kiss a lot in our marriage. Hardly ever. ...only when we were doing the doin's.


:scratchhead: Hmmm, same here with my ex. I always found it odd.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn Up, its like you know me or something
> 
> The forgiving myself I think is the hardest thing. The self worth part is a deeper issue and not tied to just him or men, but people and how they treat me in general. Figured out its one of the reasons for my "lets jump into bed really fast even though I'm not sure if I like you" b.s.
> 
> Oh and I will never call you Daddio, btw. LOL


Vi, do you have a thread about this person? I think I missed.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Vi, do you have a thread about this person? I think I missed.


He's not worth the keystrokes.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> That would be awful for me, too, Enjoli. I'd be really wondering what his deal is. Yes, the article said that guys tend to kiss less as time goes on, but this seems like an aversion to passionate kissing, period. Is he affectionate in other ways -- holding your hand, hugs, caresses -- besides kissing or ways overtly heading towards sex?
> 
> If physical affection is something you need in a relationship to make it fulfilling, then don't settle. There might be traits that you'll place less importance on, if he has other traits you admire more, but lack of physical affection is a pretty big thing.


Since our encounter several years ago, we dated other people and recently started hanging out as good friends - it's obvious he wants more but he seems to want a WIFE and best friend (loneliness), not a lover. VERY LD perhaps??? But no, he gives prolonged, warm hugs goodbye. That is all. Has made no attempt to hold my hand - the only other physical gesture is when he helps me on with my coat or we are crossing a street, he places he hand on my back to guide me. 

He just isn't a physically demonstrative person. And yes, this bugs me. I could tell him and I believe me *may* temporarily fix it but I have a feeling he would gradually slip back into his non-touch ways and I would feel unloved. I think he is a 'acts of service' guy.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Vi, do you have a thread about this person? I think I missed.


I'm sure I mentioned him in my thread and a long distance thread that's somewhere around here.


----------



## Another Planet

On kissing....I need a kiss hello, a kiss good bye, random kisses when ever possible, passionate and pecks need to be about 50/50...
I prefer the majority of the good bye kisses to feel like you have to stop kissing just to leave...If you know what I'm saying 

No french kissing?! Wtf this actually happens? I suppose your definition of french kissing needs to be established though, if a girl is trying to cram her entire tongue in my mouth I would probably bust out laughing  Slip a little tongue in here and there...don't like my gums licked either unless you don't want me to take you seriously lol.
Of course nothing X rated in public for the respect of everyone else.

When my exwife and I were messing around this last weekend I was reminded of how we kiss...which is amazingly...same with ex ex exgf 0_0


----------



## Pbartender

Two of the things that made the end of my marriage terribly real for me was when I finally noticed the way my Ex "dodged" my kisses, and when she complained about me kissing her in front of our daughter.


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> Two of the things that made the end of my marriage terribly real for me was when I finally noticed the way my Ex "dodged" my kisses, and when she complained about me kissing her in front of our daughter.


You too? Sucks for sure, worse is how I could envision her not wanting mine because she wanted his


----------



## whitehawk

Hey Enjoli. 
My ex was the best kisser l ever knew but l still didn't really like much kissing as time went on. l did love kissing her on the neck from behind and when l remembered ha ha , goodbye lip kisses . loved kissing the top of her head to , hair and stuff.
For me anyway though kissing like pash full on kissing was more when she was younger, l know why but l dunno how to explain it. l loved snuggling into her hair and face sorta too.
But it's weird how you guys were just friends for so long , sounds a bit flat and more a practical thing to me. 
But then l often wonder myself just how much fire we can expect at too, don't know how to explain that either.
l dunno what to expect unless l find someone that really knocks my socks off but then really , that's the only way l've ever liked it anyway , just dunno if l'll be lucky enough to find her again now.
l've seen her a few times but hey seeing her in someone you don't even know and catching her and it coming together forever are 2 different things aren't they. l've had the best , more than most people ever dream let alone get to live, blew it , could it ever happen again and 19 yrs later , older , she's gonna be older too , is she gonna do it for me, dunno. l was luckier than most to have had it once .

Tough decision though enjoli with it being nice and practical. You can tell most older married couples that's where they're at. Maybe that's how it goes later on but hey if they're still together at least , they're doing well because they're smart enough to know reality .
Maybe you guys could be one of those in 20 yrs time, the average in other words, not so bad. Or maybe you take your chances , dump it and try finding something with more fire. Does it still happen , l dunno.
But again , l don't really know how to explain what l mean here so l dunno how much sense this'll make.


----------



## angelpixie

Damn. I shouldn't have posted those articles, cuz now I'm thinking about how much I miss kissing.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> Damn. I shouldn't have posted those articles, cuz now I'm thinking about how much I miss kissing.


Yeah. ....my hat is out to sea....those articles made me miss him even more.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Damn. I shouldn't have posted those articles, cuz now I'm thinking about how much I miss kissing.


Is it odd that I don't really 'miss' any of that? I just realized it's been almost 2 years since I've had sex (give or take a couple weeks). I enjoy all of those shenanigans of course, but I rarely think about those days or any of that in general.

Hell, the idea of fitting someone into my life while dating for a year or two is a bit mind boggling. No idea where I would even find the time for a steady, healthy relationship. Haha.


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn Up, its like you know me or something
> 
> The forgiving myself I think is the hardest thing. The self worth part is a deeper issue and not tied to just him or men, but people and how they treat me in general. Figured out its one of the reasons for my "lets jump into bed really fast even though I'm not sure if I like you" b.s.
> 
> Oh and I will never call you Daddio, btw. LOL


Trying to make sense of it all under one 'roof' is like trying to untangle a tiny chain necklace (which I had to do for my daughter last week ...).

I separated my childhood, the time I was about 16-21 (when I met my ex), my marriage and then post marriage. Each section set me up for the next and so forth, so ideally, figuring out how it all happened, coming to terms with it (letting it go) and applying what you learned will make for a better tomorrow.

You know why you did certain things. You aren't proud of certain things that you had done, yet after everything you know that it will not happen again. So why hold yourself back because of it?

Oh, and I only let the real special ladies call me Daddio, ;P



... no offense.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Is it odd that I don't really 'miss' any of that? I just realized it's been almost 2 years since I've had sex (give or take a couple weeks). I enjoy all of those shenanigans of course, but I rarely think about those days or any of that in general.
> 
> Hell, the idea of fitting someone into my life while dating for a year or two is a bit mind boggling. No idea where I would even find the time for a steady, healthy relationship. Haha.


You make time for whats important to you...



lol.. i must not be an special lady to you either cause i still call you Up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Heard from shrink4men hat, looks like we are meeting up tomorrow.  He has a really busy schedule so am glad he's still trying to make an attempt to meet this week even though today didn't work out. 

+1 for communication, +1 for having a job, +1 for having a car, and +1 for having his own place.... HA!

Damn dating is slim pickings. I am so thankful I have been going into this with no expectations. I was telling my stories to one of my coworkers, he says he has a friend that he wishes would meet a good woman and wants to set us up on a date. Have no idea if that will happen as I guess his friend hasn't really dated anyone since his ex left him for another woman....hmmm....for some reason I still think shrink4men hat is in the lead. And I haven't even met him yet.


----------



## jpr

06Daddio08 said:


> Hell, the idea of fitting someone into my life while dating for a year or two is a bit mind boggling. No idea where I would even find the time for a steady, healthy relationship. Haha.


I think you just do. You just sort of find a way to fit it in. 

I think, like anything else, there is a happy-medium here. I know, my ex-husband and I waited a long time to start to try to have kids. We kept thinking about things..."How will we afford it?"..."Do we have the time in our careers?"..."what about childcare?"..."what if we we move out of state again?". ...all these questions. And we just kept putting it off. 

But, finally you just sort of take the leap.

When you leap back into the dating pool you just sort of make it work. You find the time...because it becomes important to you, and it all works out in the end. 

Try not to think yourself out things too much.  You don't want to deprive all the ladies of Canada out of a fine piece of Up-a$$ too much longer.


----------



## jpr

Ohhhh! VI has a date tomorrow! Yay! I can't wait to hear how it turns out!


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> You make time for whats important to you...
> 
> 
> 
> lol.. i must not be an special lady to you either cause i still call you Up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





jpr said:


> I think you just do. You just sort of find a way to fit it in.
> 
> I think, like anything else, there is a happy-medium here. I know, my ex-husband and I waited a long time to start to try to have kids. We kept thinking about things..."How will we afford it?"..."Do we have the time in our careers?"..."what about childcare?"..."what if we we move out of state again?". ...all these questions. And we just kept putting it off.
> 
> But, finally you just sort of take the leap.
> 
> When you leap back into the dating pool you just sort of make it work. You find the time...because it becomes important to you, and it all works out in the end.
> 
> Try not to think yourself out things too much.  You don't want to deprive all the ladies of Canada out of a fine piece of Up-a$$ too much longer.


I snuck in 2 dates in a week, one was right before I got the kids back and the other was last Friday. My mother babysat for me. When I have the kids though, I go Monday - Friday 5:15am - 8pm and then I rest for a bit and in bed by 10pm. 7am-3:30pm is work, 4pm-5:30pm is gym and then it's time with the kids plus cleaning up. The weekends are the kids time, as they do so great getting up early in the morning and I have a hard time cutting back from seeing them.

When I don't have the kids for my 2 weeks, it's 6 days at the gym instead of 5 plus I work 6 days a week. I'm just not willing to do what I did before, I have personal goals and those aren't being sidetracked. Haha.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> You make time for whats important to you...
> 
> 
> 
> *lol.. i must not be an special lady to you either cause i still call you Up*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yet, the ones who call me Up know me the best. :smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

I don't know...maybe it is just me. But, if I had a choice between having sex or going to the gym, I don't think I would ever choose going to the gym. Ever. 

Never.

Ever.


Never. Never. Never. Never.


----------



## unsure78

sex is a workout!

im with jpr on that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

yea shrinkhat date for VI!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

unsure78 said:


> sex is a workout!
> 
> im with jpr on that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


if you are doing it right, it is!


----------



## unsure78

trust me Up when you find one you like, you will make the time...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I don't know...maybe it is just me. But, if I had a choice between having sex or going to the gym, I don't think I would ever choose going to the gym. Ever.
> 
> Never.
> 
> Ever.
> 
> 
> Never. Never. Never. Never.


That kind of thinking is what lead to my problems. Lol.


----------



## jpr

06Daddio08 said:


> That kind of thinking is what lead to my problems. Lol.


Naaaah.

You just need to pick the right one.



...picker problems. That is what it all boils down to. You need a good picker. 

I have a feeling your picker is much wiser than it used to be.


----------



## jpr

During my yearly check up, I found out that I lost 10 pounds over the past year.

I don't go to the gym anymore, and I run *maybe* once a week. 

I chalk it up to all the sex I am having.

It made me lose weight, AND put a smile on my face. Instant face-lift.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> That kind of thinking is what lead to my problems. Lol.


You just need to find a girl you can go to the gym with, then go home and shower with each other then get it on....



Then you won't feel you are sacraficing your workouts for sex


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> You just need to find a girl you can go to the gym with, then go home and shower with each other then get it on....
> 
> 
> 
> Then you won't feel you are sacraficing your workouts for sex


If she wants to come to the gym with me that's great. Clinging to me and not doing her own thing, not great. Haha.


----------



## Dollystanford

I only really want to go to the gym with my hat if I can spot him on the bench press naked


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> I only really want to go to the gym with my hat if I can spot him on the bench press naked



That image messes with my head.


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> I only really want to go to the gym with my hat if I can spot him on the bench press naked


Just so long as he wipes the bench down when he's done.

It's common courtesy, after all.


----------



## jpr

I don't think I'd like to see my hat benchpress while naked.

...however, I wouldn't mind watching him do some squats.

That butt! Yowzers!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Heard from shrink4men hat, looks like we are meeting up tomorrow.  He has a really busy schedule so am glad he's still trying to make an attempt to meet this week even though today didn't work out.
> 
> +1 for communication, +1 for having a job, +1 for having a car, and +1 for having his own place.... HA!
> 
> Damn dating is slim pickings. I am so thankful I have been going into this with no expectations. I was telling my stories to one of my coworkers, he says he has a friend that he wishes would meet a good woman and wants to set us up on a date. Have no idea if that will happen as I guess his friend hasn't really dated anyone since his ex left him for another woman....hmmm....for some reason I still think shrink4men hat is in the lead. And I haven't even met him yet.


Man, I wish someone would set ME up! I think that is a great way to find someone with real potential, but it has yet to happen. 

I am so exhausted guys, I feel like someone beat the ever lovin sh!t out of me today.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I don't think I'd like to see my hat benchpress while naked.
> 
> ...however, I wouldn't mind watching him do some squats.
> 
> That butt! Yowzers!


Naked man squats???

*shudders*

I don't care how good of shape they are in....dangling balls in that fashion is just WRONG!! Hahaha


----------



## Dollystanford

It's really ok to feel like that for a while 3x
But you need to get to a place where you're thinking 'how f*cking DARE he treat me like that'


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hey now. If she wants to watch me workout and gets turned on by it, I have no problem bench pressing her when we get home.


----------



## Dollystanford

jpr said:


> I don't think I'd like to see my hat benchpress while naked.
> 
> ...however, I wouldn't mind watching him do some squats.
> 
> That butt! Yowzers!


Well he could always benchpress ME naked I suppose
hmmmmmm
well now


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> Man, I wish someone would set ME up! I think that is a great way to find someone with real potential, but it has yet to happen.
> 
> I am so exhausted guys, I feel like someone beat the ever lovin sh!t out of me today.


If you're exhausted, then you are trying far too hard and over extending yourself in areas where good boundaries would save you from feeling as such.

None of my friends have women they want to set me up with, wanna know why (and this is a hilarious reason in retrospect)? ... all the woman they do know are in healthy relationships and they don't keep friendships with toxic people. 

It's quite the kicker after everything has been said and done when coming out of a toxic relationship / marriage.

Haha.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> If you're exhausted, then you are trying far too hard and over extending yourself in areas where good boundaries would save you from feeling as such.
> 
> None of my friends have women they want to set me up with, wanna know why (and this is a hilarious reason in retrospect)? ... all the woman they do know are in healthy relationships and they don't keep friendships with toxic people.
> 
> It's quite the kicker after everything has been said and done when coming out of a toxic relationship / marriage.
> 
> Haha.


You could totally elaborate a little more on that if you want.


----------



## jpr

Oh. yeah. balls.

I forgot about those.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> Oh. yeah. balls.
> 
> I forgot about those.


:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Balls are gross....


----------



## Another Planet

So are varicose veins and mustaches...But I still have love for those women


----------



## jpr

mmmmmm...balls.

Hairy, sweaty, vein-popping balls.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> So are varicose veins and mustaches...But I still have love for those women


LOL trust me, I still love the guys, even with those crazy things attached to the pleasure stick


----------



## angelpixie

Now this is the TAM Singles thread I know and love. :smthumbup: Thanks for the laughs, guys. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

06Daddio08 said:


> Is it odd that I don't really 'miss' any of that? I just realized it's been almost 2 years since I've had sex (give or take a couple weeks).


The second sentence explains the first. Once you start having all of 'that' again, you'll find you miss it when it's not available to you. Trust me on that. I used to feel like you do now.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> mmmmmm...balls.
> 
> Hairy, sweaty, vein-popping balls.


For the last like 15 years or so I have always made sure I am shaved and showered so...at least yesterday
In proper hygiene is disrespectful to your spouse/SO


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> You could totally elaborate a little more on that if you want.


Which part? The first paragraph about boundaries and exhaustion is just that ... keeping toxic people around (due to various things; poor boundaries, lack of self worth) will become exhausting. The work it takes to retrain yourself and cut those people out of your life is exhausting. But it needs to be done.

As for the rest ... my closest friends don't have any single friends that would be a good fit for me. They also don't have any of those "oh hey, why don't you try getting together with *insert name*, she could use a good guy like you!" type of friends.

Hell, my buddy will flat out tell me if a woman isn't any good for me and because he's known me since '96 I take him for his word. The times I have thought about going around his advice ... eventually I see what he's talking aboot.

I had a lot of toxic relationships and a sour way about myself in viewing life 2 years ago. Changing that made for a lot quieter of a life, it also makes for a lot less 'selection'.

Which is okay for me now, as I'm in no rush.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> The second sentence explains the first. Once you start having all of 'that' again, you'll find you miss it when it's not available to you. Trust me on that. I used to feel like you do now.


Uh oh, Angel is gonna get hers good next time its available!


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> For the last like 15 years or so I have always made sure I am shaved and showered so...at least yesterday
> In proper hygiene is disrespectful to your spouse/SO


Besides which, as someone who used to be a commuter cyclist, hairy, sweaty and vein-popping is just... uncomfortable.

Keep 'em clean and dry, and everyone's happy.

:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

BALLS ARE GROSS!!!!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> Which part? The first paragraph about boundaries and exhaustion is just that ... keeping toxic people around (due to various things; poor boundaries, lack of self worth) will become exhausting. The work it takes to retrain yourself and cut those people out of your life is exhausting. But it needs to be done.


Actually I am exhausted because I only slept about an hour last night!  But yes, it was due to a toxic person.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Is it odd that I don't really 'miss' any of that? I just realized it's been almost 2 years since I've had sex (give or take a couple weeks). I enjoy all of those shenanigans of course, but I rarely think about those days or any of that in general.
> 
> Hell, the idea of fitting someone into my life while dating for a year or two is a bit mind boggling. No idea where I would even find the time for a steady, healthy relationship. Haha.


Not odd at all D . l don't miss it at all yet l'm one of the horniest fkrs l know.
No one round that does it for me though , still coming to terms with everything that's happened , no big surprise .
l do really miss closeness and a best friend .


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Which part? The first paragraph about boundaries and exhaustion is just that ... by keeping toxic people around (due to various things; poor boundaries, lack of self worth) will become exhausting. The work it takes to retrain yourself and cut those people out of your life is exhausting. But it needs to be done.
> 
> As for the rest ... my closest friends don't have any single friends that would be a good fit for me. They also don't have any of those "oh hey, why don't you try getting together with *insert name*, she could use a good guy like you!" type of friends.
> 
> Hell, my buddy will flat out tell me if a woman isn't any good for me and because he's known me since '96 I take him for his word. The times I have thought about going around his advice ... eventually I see what he's talking aboot.
> 
> I had a lot of toxic relationships and a sour way about myself in viewing life 2 years ago. Changing that made for a lot quieter of a life, it also makes for a lot less 'selection'.
> 
> Which is okay for me now, as I'm in no rush.


The boundary and toxic topics. 
I have been talking to new Match girl a lot and she seems to live a normal go to work do family thing and sprinkle in time for yourself kind of life. 
So I am just slowly kind of talking about things with her, not to sure if she wants to move faster but I do like her now and my typical starts to relationships go from 0-60 really fast...and I don't want to do that with her.
We talked all after noon and I stopped the back and forth around 7pm tonight because she was talking about her wanting to go to the gym...no way am I standing in the way of that with stupid banter...


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> Actually I am exhausted because I only slept about an hour last night!  But yes, it was due to a toxic person.


Said person wasn't worth only 1 hour of sleep.  Really though, unless they prove otherwise through repeated actions .. no one is. Exceptions of course (close family members, friends etc).


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> not to sure if she wants to move faster but I do like her.


You're just starting to talk, her wanting things to 'move fast' isn't your problem. You set the pace you are comfortable with and go from there. If you're together 6 months from now and she wants to have a kid? Are you going to if you don't want to? Just because she wants to?



Another Planet said:


> my typical starts to relationships go from 0-60 really fast...and I don't want to do that with her.


This is an observation of yourself, which is great. If you don't want to do it, then don't. If she has a problem with it, then she's not right for you.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> If she wants to come to the gym with me that's great. Clinging to me and not doing her own thing, not great. Haha.


She'd have to be good enough to stop me enjoying the scenery at the gym, best go alone :smthumbup:


----------



## hope4family

Nice to see you post here Daddio.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Man, I wish someone would set ME up! I think that is a great way to find someone with real potential, but it has yet to happen.
> 
> I am so exhausted guys, I feel like someone beat the ever lovin sh!t out of me today.



Forget about for awhile 3x , have better luck anyway when you do - or l do anyway .
PS , l hate setups , the things people do. Especially if it was the girl that's trying to set you up. They have no idea what you like or what's you'll be attracted to been trapped a few times. Then you gotta worry about smoothing things over with 2 or 3 people too not just one when it goes belly up or in this case doesn't , gets tricky 

Although my sister had a few friends l really liked back when , wonder what happened to them . l could set myself up if l found out off her. Hmm , must drop down to her place for a drink one of these days.
Or maybe l could find them on facebook . One in particular , me gonna look into that .


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> You're just starting to talk, her wanting things to 'move fast' isn't your problem. You set the pace you are comfortable with and go from there. If you're together 6 months from now and she wants to have a kid? Are you going to if you don't want to? Just because she wants to?
> 
> 
> 
> This is an observation of yourself, which is great. If you don't want to do it, then don't. If she has a problem with it, then she's not right for you.


NO KIDS OUT OF ME!!! lol, I have 3 she has 2 that is way more then enough 
I look forward to being 42 and all my kids be kickoutable 

Gotcha, really man sometimes I just need a reminder. 
This is my life and it isn't happening anyway other then I want it to or let it.
"This is my my fckin life you are in, if you fit in it like a corner puzzle piece great but if we are shoving a square in a circle hole get the *** out. I am seriously to old for that ****."


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> They have no idea what you like or what's you'll be attracted to been trapped a few times. Then you gotta worry about smoothing things over with 2 or 3 people too not just one when it goes belly up or in this case doesn't , gets tricky


Naaaa...who cares if it doesn't work. If other people are going to give you a hard time about not being compatible thats their problem


----------



## 06Daddio08

whitehawk said:


> She'd have to be good enough to stop me enjoying the scenery at the gym, best go alone :smthumbup:


I'm the kind of guy who doesn't need to look at another woman if I'm with one. Doesn't mean I can't appreciate someone other than who I am with, but I would act accordingly. 

Plus, I've been looking at the same gym women for almost 2 years. I don't go after the gym girls, that's just a big "No" in my books.


----------



## doureallycare2

EnjoliWoman said:


> Since our encounter several years ago, we dated other people and recently started hanging out as good friends - it's obvious he wants more but he seems to want a WIFE and best friend (loneliness), not a lover. VERY LD perhaps??? But no, he gives prolonged, warm hugs goodbye. That is all. Has made no attempt to hold my hand - the only other physical gesture is when he helps me on with my coat or we are crossing a street, he places he hand on my back to guide me.
> 
> He just isn't a physically demonstrative person. And yes, this bugs me. I could tell him and I believe me *may* temporarily fix it but I have a feeling he would gradually slip back into his non-touch ways and I would feel unloved. I think he is a 'acts of service' guy.


This worries me a little because in some ways I think your talking about my tall guy. dating sence October and he just started giving me closed kisses. He did tell me right from the begining that he wanted to go slow but Im very passionate and at least want know if he can kiss.. I love kissing and touching!! I think its one of the reasons I jumped into bed with widower, just wanted the passion. I like tall guy better and definitly feel a strong attraction with him but I have found Im not very patient


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> BALLS ARE GROSS!!!!!!


"No one can resist my Schweddy Balls."


----------



## doureallycare2

Pbartender said:


> "No one can resist my Schweddy Balls."


One of the guys a was dating a couple of months ago showed that to me.. hystarical


----------



## 06Daddio08

hope4family said:


> Nice to see you post here Daddio.


Hey man. I stopped in on your thread.


----------



## whitehawk

One of my sisters 2 best friends , both married 2 of my brothers , how's that.

They're all still together too .


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> "This is my my fckin life you are in, if you fit in it like a corner puzzle piece great but if we are shoving a square in a circle hole get the *** out. I am seriously to old for that ****."


Hellz to the yeah


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> "No one can resist my Schweddy Balls."


LOLOLOLOL Ive seen it before but omg sometimes it's just perfect timing


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Sorry to butt in, but I will assume these are statistical averages. * I say that because I believe I exist outside of the mean and even beyond at least on standard deviation. *


Nerd.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm the kind of guy who doesn't need to look at another woman if I'm with one. Doesn't mean I can't appreciate someone other than who I am with, but I would act accordingly.
> 
> Plus, I've been looking at the same gym women for almost 2 years. I don't go after the gym girls, that's just a big "No" in my books.


Too much of a good thing d, :rofl:
l've only been into a gym once in my life. Went in to see about joining, sooo funny.

The chick behind the counter takes me round the gym for a bit of a tour . Girls everywhere - doing allllll sorts of things .
Meanwhile the counter girls explaining all
the crap , walking upto machines- with girls on them :smthumbup: , happily showing me the inner points of well, everything really.
I don't think l heard one word counter girl said or could even tell you what she looked like .
l didn't join though , unfortunately l prefer running along tracks.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Too much of a good thing d, :rofl:
> l've only been into a gym once in my life. Went in to see about joining, sooo funny.
> 
> The chick behind the counter takes me round the gym for a bit of a tour . Girls everywhere - doing allllll sorts of things .
> Meanwhile the counter girls explaining all
> the crap , walking upto machines- with girls on them :smthumbup: , happily showing me the inner points of well, everything really. :rofl:.
> I don't think l heard one word counter girl said or could even tell you what she looked like .
> l didn't join though , unfortunately l prefer running along tracks :scratchhead:


Home gym for me. Tried the whole extrovert showing off workout thing. I can do everything I need to here at home and with better concentration
Plus I dig free weights, outside activities, and the heavy bag.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l love the air and landscape of running even if it's just an oval of an evening.

By heavy bag u mean boxing yeah ?
l like that too , cept l kick . l do a bit of running , bit of kicking , keeps me fit as a fiddle and nice and nimble :smthumbup:

And l just bought a canoe , got a nice beach lake near me. lots of very nice looking tourists too. Rowing gives you one hell of a workout ever done it . Love canoeing .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l love the air and landscape of running even if it's just an oval of an evening.
> 
> By heavy bag u mean boxing yeah ?
> l like that too , cept l kick . l do a bit of running , bit of kicking , keeps me fit as a fiddle and nice and nimble :smthumbup:
> 
> And l just bought a canoe , got a nice beach lake near me. lots of very nice looking tourists too. Rowing gives you one hell of a workout ever done it . Love canoeing .


Oh yeah heavy bag man for 20 minutes is way better for me anyway then cardio. And it releases all that tension better then anything i can think of. I have a heavy bag and a speed bag setup in my room plus free weights.
Bench, squat, deadlift, and fine tunining...yep done with my workout. Scissor kick plus other ab work and pushups for me works. Walks, hikes , and biking works my cardio...even though I dont need it...if i do to much cardio I would be SKINNY as hell


----------



## whitehawk

l was pretty heavy so l started running again. But l stopped 5mths ago because someone said l shouldn't lose anymore weight so ok l stopped for awhile .
Bit too much of the good life since now so l've really gotta start up again .
l was thinking l might get my breathing up on say 3 runs a wk to start then cut back to just one run a wk once l get of the good living haha.

Yeah boxing or kicking really does clear the head doesn't it . A lot of the girls getting into kick boxing now yeah .
l need to get a bigger bag , something nice and heavy . Trouble is the roof isn't that solid


----------



## whitehawk

Just wondering , what's the go with all the matches the date sites send you ?

Does anyone , the girls in particular  , take any notice or maybe expect the guy to respond from those or ?

l thought they were just bs but l looked through some today , not bad !


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> The chick behind the counter takes me round the gym for a bit of a tour . *Girls everywhere - doing allllll sorts of things .*
> Meanwhile the counter girls explaining all
> the crap , walking upto machines- with girls on them :smthumbup: , happily showing me the inner points of well, everything really.
> *I don't think l heard one word counter girl said or could even tell you what she looked like .*


:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Here's something interesting I heard on the radio this morning...

According to a recent online survey, almost 70% of singles are confused as to whether an outing with someone they're interested in is actually a "date" or if it's just "hanging out".


----------



## jpr

That is interesting, PB.

I think it speaks to our tendency to classify and categorize things. ...and perhaps creates false expectations. 

Someone I dated for a while helped me to realize that I was doing this...creating rules for myself and creating un-needed anxiety in my dating life. He said that I should just 'enjoy the process'.

And, that actually helped change my outlook on things a bit. It is so much more fun to just let go of all that anxiety and just go out and meet people...hang out, learn their story, experience the person, and let whatever happens happen.


----------



## Pbartender

Something else interesting I heard on the radio this morning...



vi_bride04 said:


> BALLS ARE GROSS!!!!!!


Just for you, Vi... Cosmetic Surgeries and Procedures: Testicle Ironing - Men's Fitness


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Here's something interesting I heard on the radio this morning...
> 
> According to a recent online survey, almost 70% of singles are confused as to whether an outing with someone they're interested in is actually a "date" or if it's just "hanging out".


Yep. I have talked about that before. Sometimes the first time you go out with someone, you're not sure if you're hanging out or if it's a date-date.

It gets hairy if one person thinks you are dating and another thinks you are hanging out.

Like, say I have been out with a guy 5 times. We go to nice dinners, he usually pays though I have invited him out and paid too, but say he normally prefers to pay and does. There may be some hanging out afterwards at one of our homes with some kissing. But the D word (dating) has never been brought up. Are we dating? Or are we hanging out?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

JB, I'll speak for myself, but if kissing/petting is involved, it's definitely not just hanging out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

But isn't that just weird JB ?
I mean how do two people go out not knowing the score ?

Or maybe it's just me but l never ever waste time with anyone unless they knock me over as a date thing or touching. So l know exactly what we're doing in my eyes.
Although l guess maybe , well l dunno if it's the same but there has been weird times with people l consider just friends-oh yeah come over or whatever.
For me l knew how l felt and nothing romantic . But at times l'd be at someones place 2-3 in the morning and it felt weird to be with girls in their home at that hr but just as friends. l was never sure what they expected.


----------



## unsure78

suck on my chocolate salty balls... classic

Chef chocolate salty balls - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> But isn't that just weird JB ?
> I mean how do two people go out not knowing the score ?


I live in Weird World.

To me, it's "Not just friends" either if we are swapping spit. I don't kiss or make out with my "friends." But if it never gets discussed... lol


----------



## COGypsy

If one person is paying for the other and the "hang-out" activity involves kissing or making out, it's a date. But not necessarily "dating" like exclusively.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> Here's something interesting I heard on the radio this morning...
> 
> According to a recent online survey, almost 70% of singles are confused as to whether an outing with someone they're interested in is actually a "date" or if it's just "hanging out".


As I expected, age is a factor here and the focus was if texting confused matters. People my age weren't as confused about whether it's a date or hanging out. I figured the college crowd to singled (never married) 30-somethings would have the biggest issue with this and I'm right.

Older people tend to not 'hang out' with a group of friends as much and I think that muddies the waters for sure. I think divorced people may be just as confused about whether the relationship is headed anywhere, if they are just FWB, or if sex means exclusivity. Each age range and marital status (divorced, divorced more than once or never married) have their own challenges.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Since our encounter several years ago, we dated other people and recently started hanging out as good friends - it's obvious he wants more but he seems to want a WIFE and best friend (loneliness), not a lover. VERY LD perhaps??? But no, he gives prolonged, warm hugs goodbye. That is all. Has made no attempt to hold my hand - the only other physical gesture is when he helps me on with my coat or we are crossing a street, he places he hand on my back to guide me.
> 
> He just isn't a physically demonstrative person. And yes, this bugs me. I could tell him and I believe me *may* temporarily fix it but I have a feeling he would gradually slip back into his non-touch ways and I would feel unloved. I think he is a 'acts of service' guy.


*Enjo*-nice to see you back here. Is this the same guy you said at one point who was more like a brother, and/or more of a friend to you then a boyfriend but how he was so great in every other way? Have you ever slept together? He is your own SLOW hat. LOL 

*Daddio*--you never did answer my ? a few pages back about why you didn't care to go out w/ that chick again (the one you told her you weren't into it with). Was there a spark ever there for her or just nothing? Why did you lose interest?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> *Daddio*--you never did answer my ? a few pages back about why you didn't care to go out w/ that chick again (the one you told her you weren't into it with). Was there a spark ever there for her or just nothing? Why did you lose interest?


Sorry about that. It wasn't all there for me, physically the connection was misaligned.


----------



## Jellybeans

She didn't get your man parts excited? 

LOL


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> As I expected, age is a factor here and the focus was if texting confused matters.


Whether or not texting confused matters was a separate question on the survey. But yeah, it's interesting how texting makes things more confusing for the college-age set, than it does for the middle-age set.

Now, I suspect what's going on with the dating/hanging confusion is something like this...

Imagine, Enjoli, that you and I go out together, just the two of us with no other friends. We have dinner together, we go see a movie, and afterward we stop off somewhere for a couple of drinks before heading home. I pick the restaurant and pay for dinner. You pick the movie and pay for the tickets. The bar is the closest one to the movie theater and we each pay for our own drinks. We both have a good time, but there was no kissing or anything like that.

What that a date, or was that just hanging out?

Some people will think it's one. Some will think it's the other. But according to the survey, 70% aren't sure.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> *Enjo*-nice to see you back here. Is this the same guy you said at one point who was more like a brother, and/or more of a friend to you then a boyfriend but how he was so great in every other way? Have you ever slept together? He is your own SLOW hat. LOL


Same guy. Met on match 6-7 years ago. Dated a couple times, told him no chemistry. Couple years later he saw me back on match (had a relationship in there) and we decided to go out as friends (bowling) and had a GREAT time. Hadn't laughed so much in years. Stayed friends for a couple years going out a few times a year, dutch. Went on a weekend trip around 4-year mark. Had sex. Considered our selves in a relationship for about a week. He broke it off said it was a mistake but was vague. NC for about year during which I met the guy who I really cared about but his divorce was too fresh - the one you pointed out was still married.  Decided I could handle being friends again as I missed his company. (We would share date stories, get feedback, etc.) Cleared the air, hung out for about another year now. NOW I find out he broke it off because he knew the crapola with the ex and didn't want to jeopardize my custody or come between me and kiddo. Plus he lives in another county and knew kiddo needs to stay in same high school (freshman) and is wondering about how realistic it is to hold off another 3 years. And kiddo isn't crazy about him - he's better with babies and little kids but he has only been around kiddo a few times.


----------



## Pbartender

06Daddio08 said:


> ...physically the connection was misaligned.


Try moving a little to left.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> Whether or not texting confused matters was a separate question on the survey. But yeah, it's interesting how texting makes things more confusing for the college-age set, than it does for the middle-age set.
> 
> Now, I suspect what's going on with the dating/hanging confusion is something like this...
> 
> Imagine, Enjoli, that you and I go out together, just the two of us with no other friends. We have dinner together, we go see a movie, and afterward we stop off somewhere for a couple of drinks before heading home. I pick the restaurant and pay for dinner. You pick the movie and pay for the tickets. The bar is the closest one to the movie theater and we each pay for our own drinks. We both have a good time, but there was no kissing or anything like that.
> 
> What that a date, or was that just hanging out?
> 
> Some people will think it's one. Some will think it's the other. But according to the survey, 70% aren't sure.


As someone else pointed out I think it comes down to physical contact and somewhat financial situations. I offer to pay for something when I feel, based on our jobs and discussions, that I make more or he pays a lot of child support and dating is a financial hardship OR if I feel no spark and want to go dutch as a means of being fair. 

If I feel a spark, I like to cultivate that "I'm a special woman" vibe. let the guy pay and see if you get physical in any way. 

Did you hold my hand walking to the car? Or put your arm around me at the movie? Or kiss me goodnight? Date. None of the above? Hang out. That's my take.


DUH - ETA - you already said nothing physical. Since we both paid our way and there was no physical contact (tho goodbye hug wouldn't count) then I say hanging out.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Something else interesting I heard on the radio this morning...
> 
> 
> 
> Just for you, Vi... Cosmetic Surgeries and Procedures: Testicle Ironing - Men's Fitness


I probably shouldn't click on this while at work....LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Imagine, Enjoli, that you and I go out together, just the two of us with no other friends. We have dinner together, we go see a movie, and afterward we stop off somewhere for a couple of drinks before heading home. I pick the restaurant and pay for dinner. You pick the movie and pay for the tickets. The bar is the closest one to the movie theater and we each pay for our own drinks. We both have a good time, but there was no kissing or anything like that.
> 
> What that a date, or was that just hanging out?


Same situation but say there WAS kissing and has been on subsequent outings. Then what? Is it a date if the D-word never gets dropped/mentioned? 



EnjoliWoman said:


> NC for about year during which I met the guy who I really cared about but his divorce was too fresh - the one you pointed out was still married.


:rofl: Funny looking back and so typical I said that. Hahaha.

Well it sounds like this guy and you are almost JUST right. If only he'd get his act together and be more demonstrative. I don't get why some people aren't into being touchy-feely/showing affection. It's odd!


----------



## unsure78

:rofl:


Jellybeans said:


> She didn't get your man parts excited?
> 
> LOL


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> Whether or not texting confused matters was a separate question on the survey. But yeah, it's interesting how texting makes things more confusing for the college-age set, than it does for the middle-age set.
> 
> Now, I suspect what's going on with the dating/hanging confusion is something like this...
> *
> Imagine, Enjoli, that you and I go out together, just the two of us with no other friends. We have dinner together, we go see a movie, and afterward we stop off somewhere for a couple of drinks before heading home. I pick the restaurant and pay for dinner. You pick the movie and pay for the tickets. The bar is the closest one to the movie theater and we each pay for our own drinks. We both have a good time, but there was no kissing or anything like that.
> *
> What that a date, or was that just hanging out?
> 
> Some people will think it's one. Some will think it's the other. But according to the survey, 70% aren't sure.


I vote that this is a date.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Whether or not texting confused matters was a separate question on the survey. But yeah, it's interesting how texting makes things more confusing for the college-age set, than it does for the middle-age set.
> 
> Now, I suspect what's going on with the dating/hanging confusion is something like this...
> 
> Imagine, Enjoli, that you and I go out together, just the two of us with no other friends. We have dinner together, we go see a movie, and afterward we stop off somewhere for a couple of drinks before heading home. I pick the restaurant and pay for dinner. You pick the movie and pay for the tickets. The bar is the closest one to the movie theater and we each pay for our own drinks. We both have a good time, but there was no kissing or anything like that.
> 
> What that a date, or was that just hanging out?
> 
> Some people will think it's one. Some will think it's the other. But according to the survey, 70% aren't sure.


my vote hanging out....


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Same guy. Met on match 6-7 years ago. Dated a couple times, told him no chemistry. Couple years later he saw me back on match (had a relationship in there) and we decided to go out as friends (bowling) and had a GREAT time. Hadn't laughed so much in years. Stayed friends for a couple years going out a few times a year, dutch. Went on a weekend trip around 4-year mark. Had sex. Considered our selves in a relationship for about a week. He broke it off said it was a mistake but was vague. NC for about year during which I met the guy who I really cared about but his divorce was too fresh - the one you pointed out was still married.  Decided I could handle being friends again as I missed his company. (We would share date stories, get feedback, etc.) Cleared the air, hung out for about another year now. NOW I find out he broke it off because he knew the crapola with the ex and didn't want to jeopardize my custody or come between me and kiddo. Plus he lives in another county and knew kiddo needs to stay in same high school (freshman) and is wondering about how realistic it is to hold off another 3 years. And kiddo isn't crazy about him - he's better with babies and little kids but he has only been around kiddo a few times.



Ok, who saw the movie "when Harry met Sally", raise your hand. Raising my hand


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> Try moving a little to left.



If it's not there on the first go, that's all the moving I'm doing. Lol






Jellybeans said:


> She didn't get your man parts excited?
> 
> LOL


Haha. No.


----------



## doureallycare2

The “dating” subject is interesting. As Enjo says I really think it’s a generational thing. I never had any question as to whether I was on a date or not because I had very strict guidelines on what I would accept or not. 1). First meeting is just that a meeting to see if we want to go on a date to get to know each other better… I pay for my coffee or whatever at the first meeting (generally the guy wouldn’t let me pay- If I knew I wouldn’t want to see him again I would insist on paying for my own). 
What typically happened is the guy asked during or at the end of the meet-up, “what I thought” and if I was interested in going out again (I never asked)? I would say yes or no and give him my cell # accordingly. 2nd meeting would be lunch or dinner and the guy paid… no if ands or buts. Out of all my dates I only ever had one guy talk to me about possibly splitting the tab in the future and I told him if he wanted to see me he paid (it happened to be tall guy- still seeing him 4 months latter). To me it stops all questions of just hanging out together or just being friends (ether were interested in each other or were not). What I will do is make dinner or if there is a concert or movie I want to see I will say hey I bought tickets do you want to be my date? I found this interesting article last year on the subject, and I think it sums it up great. Enjoy:
•According to The Rules authors, a woman should never approach a man first, ask a man out, split the check, or (gasp!) accept an invitation for Saturday night after Wednesday’s passed. Committed any of these sins? Best of luck to you, sister.
•Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough (a book, by the way, that I promptly tossed into my recycling bin after reading it five years ago), suggests modern women are too picky—and to accept invitations from every and any man, at any cost. Okay!
•On the flip side, Nerve.com suggests we’re all confused because the rules are that there are no rules anymore (but notes that playing it cool never goes out of style), which, duh. 

Confusion, it seems, has taken the place of certainty, and has left the D-word open to interpretation. Hope for those seeking more definitive answers, however, is not lost: per HowAboutWe.com's "Call Your Boyfriend" columnist, if you’re not sure if you’re if the plans you’ve made constitutes a date, just ask. It’s simple, to the point—and hopefully clears up any misconceptions about whether the guy (or girl) you're lusting after has placed you in the fling- or friend-zone


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Same situation but say there WAS kissing and has been on subsequent outings. Then what? Is it a date if the D-word never gets dropped/mentioned?


Still quite simple to me. I do frequently hang out with friends. I do not however kiss them. I certainly don't kiss them on multiple occasions. I do kiss dates, regardless of the payment arrangements through the evening, even if I don't necessarily end up dating them exclusively or long term.

I agree with the folks that say that it's a question for the younger crowd. Younger than me anyway, and I think it's because in high school and college you tend to run with a herd of people that do most things together. And then it is hard to tell the difference between hanging out and doing your own thing with someone and dating. But once you leave that social environment and get "real" jobs, it's a world of difference between hanging out with a buddy and dating a guy.


----------



## vi_bride04

So....this whole dating thing.

The guys I meet on POF I consider dates b/c its a website devoted to dating. I don't feel comfortable having a guy pay for all my stuff all the time, I just don't want to come across as some gold digger. I don't refuse but it still bothers me for some reason so always have my pocket book ready when the bill arrives. Is that weird? Do guys get offended at that? 

I gotta get all these rules down before my date tonight!!!


----------



## Another Planet

My exwife is pissed at me for not paying attention to her since she dissed on me the other night. She confronted me this morning and accused me of using her for sex only...we haven't had sex with each other in like almost 2 years now... :scratchhead:

If you spend a week or so flirting, sexting, dirty pictures, TALKING about having sex with each other then come over to my place get tipsy then touchy feeley and do stuff like feeding me her dinner I made her all while rubbing on my thighs and arms and shiat and then making out...is there a question here that we are or aren't getting it on?

If that's a no we aren't I am in for some trouble reading women in the dating world. Honestly that scares the crap out of me.

I told her I am totally cool not doing it just the rest of the stuff is not happening at all either!
I wish I could shuffle her ass out of my life completely...NEXT


----------



## Another Planet

I guess this dating or not thing is something i need to take into consideration, I had never really thought about it...
Especially since you guys are bringing up some other major issues I have with boundaries. Hmmmm yeah I'm going to spend some time thinking about this.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I vote that this is a date.





unsure78 said:


> my vote hanging out....


Haha. So begins the point of debate!

Funny. And two women answered so even for the same gender it's up in the air as to interpretation.



06Daddio08 said:


> If it's not there on the first go, that's all the moving I'm doing. Lol
> 
> Haha. No.


So were you physically attracted to her at all ever? If not, then why'd you go out with her? How did you meet her? I am just trying to understand how the no into thing works for men.



doureallycare2 said:


> per HowAboutWe.com's "Call Your Boyfriend" columnist,* if you’re not sure if you’re if the plans you’ve made constitutes a date, just ask. *


So true. LOL. Then any confusion goes out the window! Hahaha.



vi_bride04 said:


> I don't feel comfortable having a guy pay for all my stuff all the time, I just don't want to come across as some gold digger. I don't refuse but it still bothers me for some reason so always have my pocket book ready when the bill arrives. Is that weird?


Not to me. I always offer to pay, especially on the first date and then again. Most of the men I have been out with never want me to pay and pay themselves.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> My *exwife is pissed at me for not paying attention to her since she dissed on me the other night.* She confronted me this morning and accused me of using her for sex only...we haven't had sex with each other in like almost 2 years now... :scratchhead:


And you are supposed to care she is upset, why? LOL

You should have looked at her and said "Sorry, you fired me from being the person that cares about your emotions or sex life when you cheated on me"

That would have made her leave pretty quick


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> And you are supposed to care she is upset, why? LOL
> 
> You should have looked at her and said *"Sorry, you fired me from being the person that cares about your emotions or sex life when you cheated on me"*
> 
> That would have made her leave pretty quick


I like that Vi :smthumbup:

I am really trying to figure out this babysitter for my kids so I can work stuff, it is about the only thing snagging me at the moment. If I could get that sorted out I am going to bump her out of my life almost completely.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> I vote that this is a date.


Nope cause we go dutch and there is no physical contact.

He doesn't even hug goodbye.

I feel rejected by PBar now.  :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I like that Vi :smthumbup:
> 
> I am really trying to figure out this babysitter for my kids so I can work stuff, it is about the only thing snagging me at the moment. If I could get that sorted out I am going to bump her out of my life almost completely.


She isnt going to go without a fight, so be prepared to stand your ground. You are a big time ego boost for her and she is NOT going to be willing to just let that go.


----------



## jpr

Man oh man!....So many rules. ...and I violated them all...with almost every hat.

...including my current hat.  ...who I am madly in love with. 

I don't know.  ...when I was dating, I sort of felt like I had the most success (and the most fun!) when I just was myself. If someone asked me out and I happen to be free and wanted to see him, then I would go. I didn't worry about what 'message' I was sending my accepting a last minute invitation. ...or by *gasp* paying the bill. I often would pay the bill on a date, because I wanted to. 

I don't know...all those books and blogs on dating. ...those rules are just not for me. It makes things seem calculated and artificial. 

This time around, authenticity has the most appeal to me.


----------



## vi_bride04

You'll get there AP. Its hard to deal with an overly aggressive, pushy person who has a huge sense of entitlement when you don't have a good grasp on boundaries. The more you put up small boundaries the easier it will be to put up bigger ones.


----------



## lisab0105

Friends hang out. 

Friends w/ benefits hang out and screw. 

Two people attracted to one another, who flirt, who are actively getting to know the other person romantically, kiss and possibly go to bed with over and over again...DATING! 

So say we all!


----------



## Pbartender

3Xnocharm said:


> I vote that this is a date.





unsure78 said:


> my vote hanging out....


Exactly.

The situation I suggested above was a date I had a with a woman about a year ago...

We met by happenstance. I found out we had some common interests, and I thought, "Cool, a new friend to hang out with." One day, I didn't have anything planned, wanted to get out, and so I sent her a message asking if she was busy, and we ended up going out for dinner, a movie and a few drinks.

To me, it was just hanging out, but later I learned that she had considered a date... Which was awkward, to say the least.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> So....this whole dating thing.
> 
> The guys I meet on POF I consider dates b/c its a website devoted to dating. I don't feel comfortable having a guy pay for all my stuff all the time, I just don't want to come across as some gold digger. I don't refuse but it still bothers me for some reason so always have my pocket book ready when the bill arrives. Is that weird? Do guys get offended at that?
> 
> I gotta get all these rules down before my date tonight!!!


I almost always offer to split, out of politeness.. but I only offer it up once... I actually haven't paid for a date yet (this time around)... I have been told by a few guys, to let them be the man

The only ones I haven't offered to split with have been the super alpha type guys, those i dont even bother, as I seem to always get the vibe they would be offended

though when I was with blues I almost always picked up the tab and the engy and I were close to 50/50 after dating for a time


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Nope cause we go dutch and there is no physical contact.
> 
> He doesn't even hug goodbye.
> 
> I feel rejected by PBar now.  :rofl:


When you say it like that it is definitely not a date especially if it is not a first date.


----------



## lisab0105

Pbartender said:


> Exactly.
> 
> The situation I suggested above was a date I had a with a woman about a year ago...
> 
> We met by happenstance. I found out we had some common interests, and I thought, "Cool, a new friend to hang out with." One day, I didn't have anything planned, wanted to get out, and so I sent her a message asking if she was busy, and we ended up going out for dinner, a movie and a few drinks.
> 
> To me, it was just hanging out, but later I learned that she had considered a date... Which was awkward, to say the least.


If a woman meets a new guy and he asks her to meet up, she isn't thinking it is just hanging out and being a new friend. She is thinking, "Oh, he is interested in me, better go get dolled up for my hot date." 

If you are only interested in being friends with a woman, you need to let that cat out of the bag immediately, because she is thinking something else entirely.


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> Nope cause we go dutch and there is no physical contact.
> 
> He doesn't even hug goodbye.
> 
> I feel rejected by PBar now.  :rofl:


:lol: :rofl:

Hey... If you want a hug goodbye, all you have to do is ask.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

lisab0105 said:


> If a woman meets a new guy and he asks her to meet up, she isn't thinking it is just hanging out and being a new friend. She is thinking, "Oh, he is interested in me, better go get dolled up for my hot date."
> 
> If you are only interested in being friends with a woman, you need to let that cat out of the bag immediately, because she is thinking something else entirely.


Oh, sure... It was a mistake born out of having been out of the dating game for nearly 15 years, and being not quite ready for "real" dates. We each had different expectations, and neither of communicated them to the other. Hijinks ensued.

Now, when I meet a new woman, I very clear about such things.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I agree on just being yourself.

The whole "who pays" thing is tricky.

I've heard that the guy should always pay at LEAST on the first date or two because a) girl paying is emasculating, b) it establishes the fact he is treating her thereby insinuating girl is worthy and expects to be treated as such, c) it establishes the male as the pursuer (vs. pursued) which is the natural order of things.

The other school of thought is that a) dating is expensive and he shouldn't have to invest a lot just to see if you two are compatible enough for a second or third date; b) male paying is archaic because most women have their own jobs/money c) it keeps the woman from feeling 'indebted' (some think if guy pays girl is obligated to some level of physical contact).

So I've done a 10-year study on this. I have let the guy pay for everything; I have offered to pay my own way fully; I have offered just to pay for a tip, or a lesser portion of the date/activities.

I have found the best prospects (i.e. most chemistry, most respect, most pleasant results come when the guy pays for everything. 

I did not decide after I met the guy. I started off feeling I'm a liberal adult who shouldn't be old fashioned and I should pay my way so I paid my full share (only once did a guy INSIST on paying when I did this). Then I tried going with the lesser portion (offering tip or pay for movies while he pays for meal, etc). Then I read that making the guy pay establishes your worth. So I never bothered to offer when the bill came (which feels WEIRD). 

The men who paid for everything were more gentlemanly, did NOT expect anything in return - there were more handsy men in the crowd that let me pay. But I also don't want to seem like a gold digger. So I decided going forward I will let the man pay for everything on the first date but be prepared to pay my share should I need to, and then on the second date offer to buy a drink or tip or some gesture that shows I'm not a mooch.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> You'll get there AP. *Its hard to deal with an overly aggressive, pushy person who has a huge sense of entitlement* when you don't have a good grasp on boundaries. The more you put up small boundaries the easier it will be to put up bigger ones.


Thanks  
Do you know her? You nailed that description lol
Actually I didn't really know that she was that way until the end of our marriage. I guess they say that about people like her, she seems like the sweetest person in the world but on the inside they are completely eeeevvvvviiiilllll.

I just got off the phone with her, she called me...I basically turned it into a break up call. 
I was like "listen since there seems to be some confusion about everything I think we shouldn't mess around or anything at all. "
She went from sweet as candy when she first called to balling her eyes out, then mean and defensive, then to cold as ice all in about a 5 minute conversation.....I expect some form of fallout from this.


----------



## vi_bride04

AP - she sounds like the normal, irrational cheater to me. 

Entitlement turns into manipulation to get what she wants, when that doesn't work she plays victim(the crying) then when she realizes that isn't working goes back to the selfish entitlement that results in anger.

Is that about right? lol


----------



## Another Planet

OMG yes


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Thanks
> Do you know her? You nailed that description lol
> Actually I didn't really know that she was that way until the end of our marriage. I guess they say that about people like her, she seems like the sweetest person in the world but on the inside they are completely eeeevvvvviiiilllll.
> 
> I just got off the phone with her, she called me...I basically turned it into a break up call.
> I was like "listen since there seems to be some confusion about everything I think we shouldn't mess around or anything at all. "
> She went from sweet as candy when she first called to balling her eyes out, then mean and defensive, then to cold as ice all in about a 5 minute conversation.....I expect some form of fallout from this.


You know I HATE to say I told ya so....


----------



## Jellybeans

Offtopic a lil but you know how TAM has advertisements that are fitted to our web searches?

Well, last week I was eyeballing these Nine West boots and was iffy on whether to buy them or not. 

Today, the exact style of boot popped up on the ad feed above Singles of Tam, and well, I took that as a sign (a computer sign that remembers cookies) and boughT them.

I shall have and wear my bad ass boots very soon!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Offtopic a lil but you know how TAM has advertisements that are fitted to our web searches?
> 
> Well, last week I was eyeballing these Nine West boots and was iffy on whether to buy them or not.
> 
> Today, the exact style of boot popped up on the ad feed above Singles of Tam, and well, I took that as a sign (a computer sign that remembers cookies) and bough them.
> 
> I shall have and wear my bad ass boots very soon!


So the boots were a fvck yes?? 

(see works in all applications of life)


----------



## Jellybeans

There were absolutely a* FVCK yes *considering I got a great deal on them and they are ooh la la so sexy. Black suede and all that jazz


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Offtopic a lil but you know how TAM has advertisements that are fitted to our web searches?
> 
> Well, last week I was eyeballing these Nine West boots and was iffy on whether to buy them or not.
> 
> Today, the exact style of boot popped up on the ad feed above Singles of Tam, and well, I took that as a sign (a computer sign that remembers cookies) and boughT them.
> 
> I shall have and wear my bad ass boots very soon!


This is funny because MY ads are boots too!  And jeans!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Must be my private browsing settings but mine are always pretty random. I have an ad for Chili's and and MS fundraiser. How random are THOSE?


----------



## unsure78

Avon breast cancer walk and some indoor water park


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Offtopic a lil but you know how TAM has advertisements that are fitted to our web searches?
> 
> Well, last week I was eyeballing these Nine West boots and was iffy on whether to buy them or not.
> 
> Today, the exact style of boot popped up on the ad feed above Singles of Tam, and well, I took that as a sign (a computer sign that remembers cookies) and boughT them.


Yeah, the ad program uses cookies to mine your browser history and sometimes your FB feed and email. It uses that data to customize the ad banner to each user.

I'm an electronics tech at a government laboratory... I do a lot of searches for electronic components, circuit boards and IC chips.

Sure enough, I've got ads for Newark Electronics, one of the websites we often buy parts from.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Avon breast cancer walk and some indoor water park


Any updates on Slow?


----------



## Jellybeans

Muskrat created an epic t hread.

This entire thread reads like a saga... a tabloid for the Singles of TAM Land. HAHA. Novela!


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> ...they are ooh la la so sexy. Black suede and all that jazz


I don't believe you.

Prove it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> I don't believe you.
> 
> Prove it.


Jelly, you can send me your bra and panties only with the boots on pic and I will verify for everyone


----------



## Jellybeans

I think Vi-Bride just hit on me. Hahahaha!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I think Vi-Bride just hit on me. Hahahaha!


:lol:


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Any updates on Slow?


Not really.. we usually text a little everyday day... just saying Hi... i haven't pushed to see him since i like SA...I did ask him if he wanted to go see a movie with me and all i got back was "possibly" 

Ive some what friend zoned him now.. hes got a good heart but the lack of any movement forward on his part without me prodding him is tiring and frankly has started to somewhat turn me off... 

I'm seeing SA again on sat and looking forward to it...

How about yours any movement on that front?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I think Vi-Bride just hit on me. Hahahaha!


If im going for any woman here I think its jpr... im sure she could show me a thing or two..lol :smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

unsure78 said:


> If im going for any woman here I think its jpr... im sure she could show me a thing or two..lol :smthumbup:


Hahahahaha. 

That made me laugh out loud. 


I know nothing. Nothing at all. 

....Oh! except cat scans. I can give you some tips on how to get a pretty good scan of your *****-cat.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Hahahahaha.
> 
> That made me laugh out loud.
> 
> 
> I know nothing. Nothing at all.
> 
> ....Oh! except cat scans. I can give you some tips on how to get a pretty good scan of your *****-cat.


hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Not really.. we usually text a little everyday day... just saying Hi... i haven't pushed to see him since i like SA...I did ask him if he wanted to go see a movie with me and all i got back was "possibly"


WTF kind of response is that? Omg so weird. 

Social Media Guy who invited me overseas after I told him I wasn't interested (what a LONG identifier title for a guy) STILL keeps hitting me up to see how I am doing and sending me text messages. I declined his invitation last week for dinner downtown.


----------



## doureallycare2

Mine is for a wilderness thophy hunt..what are they trying to tell me?


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> WTF kind of response is that? Omg so weird.


That's the response of a man who knows what he's doing.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> That's the response of a man who knows what he's doing.


I don't think so. If he knew what he was doing, he would have better results with unsure.........


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> She isnt going to go without a fight, so be prepared to stand your ground. You are a big time ego boost for her and she is NOT going to be willing to just let that go.


Why did I mess around with her?! Ugh crazy crazy girl. Now her story is changing.....
She needs a BF or someone else to focus her hatred on.



vi_bride04 said:


> You'll get there AP. Its hard to deal with an overly aggressive, pushy person who has a huge sense of entitlement when you don't have a good grasp on boundaries. The more you put up small boundaries the easier it will be to put up bigger ones.


She seriously makes me scared to meet anyone else. Please let her be one of a kind, I am not sure if I meet another like her I might just go celibate. And I like women to much to do that.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> That's the response of a man who knows what he's doing.


I think it's stupid.



Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't think so. If he knew what he was doing, he would have better results with unsure.........


:iagree: Or if he were an upstanding guy who not interested and/or only wanted to see her every so often, he would just flat-out tell her. No game-playing or stringing people along.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't think so. If he knew what he was doing, he would have better results with unsure.........


He's making her crazy wondering if he likes her or not. He's a challenge is he not?

*He knows what he's doing. *


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> She seriously makes me scared to meet anyone else. Please let her be one of a kind, I am not sure if I meet another like her I might just go celibate. And I like women to much to do that.


Thats why its important to have boundaries and stick to them.

Unstable people HATE stable people who know what they want/don't want


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> He's making her crazy wondering if he likes her or not. He's a challenge is he not?
> 
> *He knows what he's doing. *



He had her in bed with him and made no moves.....Negative, sir. He's stupid.

The key to being a challenge is using it to close the deal.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I think it's stupid.
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree: Or if he were an upstanding guy who not interested and/or only wanted to see her every so often, he would just flat-out tell her. No game-playing or stringing people along.


Just hear me out before you call it stupid. 

I know exactly what he's doing.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> He's making her crazy wondering if he likes her or not. He's a challenge is he not?
> 
> *He knows what he's doing. *


After 6 months???? :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> He's making her crazy wondering if he likes her or not. He's a challenge is he not?
> 
> *He knows what he's doing. *


Well, there is no question people do wonder if they don't hear from someone but on the flipside, notice she also said he is now in the friend zone. It's a good way to make a woman lose interest in you if you keep playing games.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> He had her in bed with him and made no moves.....Negative, sir. He's stupid.


Stupid? I think he knows exactly what he's doing. 

He's dangling her.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I know, you are going plan b with this......I still think it's stupid.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> He's making her crazy wondering if he likes her or not. He's a challenge is he not?
> 
> *He knows what he's doing. *


Of course, if he really knew what he was doing, he wouldn't have spent nearly a year(?) hanging out with Unsure and not getting laid.

Maybe he knows what he's doing, but what he's doing makes little sense.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Well, there is no question people do wonder if they don't hear from someone but on the flipside, notice she also said he is now in the friend zone. It's a good way to make a woman lose interest in you if you keep playing games.


Maybe he genuinely doesn't know what he wants? Or he's playing games...


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Of course, if he really knew what he was doing, he wouldn't have spent nearly a year(?) hanging out with Unsure and not getting laid.
> 
> *Maybe he knows what he's doing, but what he's doing makes little sense*.


Especially since she is starting to put him in the friend zone!!

ETA: It makes sense if there is another woman in the pic


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Stupid? I think he knows exactly what he's doing.
> 
> He's dangling her.


And for what purpose? There is a point to dangling. You don't dangle so much that the chick moves on completely. AND, that's exactly what is going on. 

Unsure would not cut new guy out if Slow showed interest. Now, he has overplayed the dangle.....


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Well, there is no question people do wonder if they don't hear from someone but on the flipside, notice she also said he is now in the friend zone. It's a good way to make a woman lose interest in you if you keep playing games.


So he's in the friend zone? Who put who in the friend-zone first? If he had every opportunity to sleep with the beautiful unsure and didn't take it, it's because he doesn't want to.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Now, he has overplayed the dangle.....


I want to overplay with a dangle...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> So he's in the friend zone? Who put who in the friend-zone first? If he had every opportunity to sleep with the beautiful unsure and didn't take it, it's because he doesn't want to.


Which.....is stupid.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> And for what purpose? There is a point to dangling. You don't dangle so much that the chick moves on completely. AND, that's exactly what is going on.
> 
> Unsure would not cut new guy out if Slow showed interest. Now, he has overplayed the dangle.....


That's true. Generally you only dangle a girl for a month or so and make her crazy about you. You don't keep doing it until she loses interest in you. 

Maybe he saw red flags in Unsure or just opted out for reasons only he knows. Men and women do this from time to time. He likes her attention and comfort but doesn't want to sleep with her. 

Unsure you use this opportunity finally 180 and go date others while he makes up his mind. Just sayin, she wouldn't have problems with future hats being slow if she cut them loose sooner to date others.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I want to overplay with a dangle...


*drum roll & cymbal crash*


----------



## Dedicated2Her

See, I have plenty of good looking girls I have friend zoned. Do I dangle? Nope. I just see them when our social group is together in GROUPS. So, they are friends of mine that I don't want to sleep with. 

Why would I kiss a girl, play some weird game just to friend zone her? Plan B? Nope. Why because if she was plan B, he has now created a situation where she would be hesitant to date him regardless. Be straight in that respect, down the road, it helps with the ladies. Not hurts.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Maybe he saw red flags in Unsure or just opted out for reasons only he knows. *Men and women do this from time to time. He likes her attention and comfort but doesn't want to sleep with her*.


I'll vouch for that!!! Wish I paid closer attention to the red flags in my situation :crazy:


----------



## Nsweet

Drop the attitude. You don't understand the dangle technique. So here, read this. Kick-Ass Dating Secrets

If you need me to dumb it down for you it's what they used to call "getting to know a girl before you have sex with her", but is just so happens to work to make you both crazy about each other and get to know and like each other better.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> That's the response of a man who knows what he's doing.





Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't think so. If he knew what he was doing, he would have better results with unsure.........


Gentleman either way it doesn't currently matter to me... he has been placed in friend zone for now.. my weekends already been booked up with what I want to do.. SA  and another


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Now, he has overplayed the dangle.....


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

QUOTE OF THE DAY! LOOOOL.



Nsweet said:


> So he's in the friend zone? Who put who in the friend-zone first? If he had every opportunity to sleep with the beautiful unsure and didn't take it, it's because he doesn't want to.


But this contradicts what you said about him knowing what he was doing. If the idea was to make himself a challenge for her to go nuts for her then that completely goes against him not wanting to sleep with her. What is the point?

I still think something odd is up with that guy. It just seems SO weird.



vi_bride04 said:


> I want to overplay with a dangle...


Vi is on FIRE today. :smthumbup:



Dedicated2Her said:


> *Why would I kiss a girl, play some weird game just to friend zone her?* Plan B? Nope. Why because if she was plan B, he has now created a situation where she would be hesitant to date him regardless. Be straight in that respect, down the road, it helps with the ladies. Not hurts.


Exactly. WHY would a man do this?

And along these lines, this is kind of what happened with Social Media Guy (although he really wanted to sleep with me). We did make out some but his flakiness and not being in or out made me lose all interest in him completely. Now he won't stop reaching out to me. It's really ridiculous when I told him plain and simple I do not think we are a match at all. His neither here nor there attitude was the nail in the coffin for me and my female energies are not excited about him anymore. At all. I am completely turned off. (And when that happens, that I can't get excited about a guy, especially in "that way", it is GONE FOREVER). Ain't no resuscitating that desire.


----------



## vi_bride04

Speaking of plan B....I feel I may be that with shrink4men hat...

hmmmm....not liking my guts reaction today 

No communication yet and while I agreed to meet up with him today, plans were never finalized on what/where/when. I know he's a busy guy, but come on. Even a txt "Busy at the moment, will text later to finalize plans"


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> Drop the attitude. You don't understand the dangle technique. So here, read this. Kick-Ass Dating Secrets
> 
> If you need me to dumb it down for you it's what they used to call "getting to know a girl before you have sex with her", but is just so happens to work to make you both crazy about each other and get to know and like each other better.


Please tell me you aren't addressing me here.


----------



## Nsweet

Geesh, when did the singles of TAM thread turn into the Debbie Down disses your dating advice thread? 

This thread used to be a lot of fun before everybody started getting all defensive and speaking as the representative for their entire sex. 

It's just a fun thread for moving on after divorce. It's not your facebook wall.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Please tell me you aren't addressing me here.


I am.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Please tell me you aren't addressing me here.





Nsweet said:


> I am.


Take your chest puffing elsewhere, boys


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Drop the attitude. You don't understand the dangle technique. So here, read this. Kick-Ass Dating Secrets
> 
> If you need me to dumb it down for you it's what they used to call "getting to know a girl before you have sex with her", but is just so happens to work to make you both crazy about each other and get to know and like each other better.


Oh, Nsweet, we all understand the concept and how it works... We just don't understand the purpose of applying it on such a glacial timescale.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Speaking of plan B....I feel I may be that with shrink4men hat...
> 
> hmmmm....not liking my guts reaction today
> 
> No communication yet and while I agreed to meet up with him today, plans were never finalized on what/where/when. I know he's a busy guy, but come on. Even a txt "Busy at the moment, will text later to finalize plans"


When did you make these plans? If he's got a stressful job and a busy schedule he may not want to talk to you until he's calm and relaxed. Ease up on him a bit and give him another day, Friday, to contact you. If you don't hear from him tomorrow and you've had enough then cut him loose.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Unsure you use this opportunity finally 180 and go date others while he makes up his mind. Just sayin, she wouldn't have problems with future hats being slow if she cut them loose sooner to date others.


I have been dating others this whole time... I never really stopped.. he never stepped up to the plate and really "dated" me... because of that it was never enough for me to stop dating others... I like slow hat we get along, he makes me laugh, have fun together, and yea I do think he wants to sleep with me, if i jumped him he would have done it but that's not my style... so because of his inability to step up and actually "date" me hes is now just a friend...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> I am.


Saying something is certifiably stupid isn't having an attitude. It is saying that the logic of saying that he knew what he was doing makes no sense whatsoever. All the evidence that we have, says he is clueless. Now, he could be clueless into the fact that he has severe emotional problems or whatever. We have no idea, but all the evidence supports---clueless.

I thought it was funny. So, if funny is an attitude, ok.

Of course, I also think all the dating techniques are relatively bogus. People that use them usually end up with someone manipulating them also which leads to total dysfunction. It's fairly easy to spot.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Take your chest puffing elsewhere, boys


I was thinking more of a penis measurement contest. I WIN.:rofl:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Take your chest puffing elsewhere, boys


Oh, ok. I'm getting laid tonight. You guys have fun.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I have been dating others this whole time... I never really stopped.. he never stepped up to the plate and really "dated" me... because of that it was never enough for me to stop dating others... I like slow hat we get along, he makes me laugh, have fun together, and yea I do think he wants to sleep with me, if i jumped him he would have done it but that's not my style... so because of his inability to step up and actually "date" me hes is now just a friend...


I wasn't thinking it before, but I kinda get the feeling that slow has may have a sexual dysfunction. I don't think he's gay, I just think don't think he's telling you everything.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Oh, ok. I'm getting laid tonight. You guys have fun.


Why you gotta rub it in???


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Oh, Nsweet, we all understand the concept and how it works... We just don't understand the purpose of applying it on such a glacial timescale.


There's no exact time scale for it. You just hold off on the sex until you get to know them better and then do it. You still have some sexual chemistry there, just no sex.

I like it because you get to see more red flags and get to know them better before you go all the way. And to be honest, I would rather have a condom break with a best girl friend than a ONS who turned out to be another crazy girlfriend.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> When did you make these plans? If he's got a stressful job and a busy schedule he may not want to talk to you until he's calm and relaxed. Ease up on him a bit and give him another day, Friday, to contact you. If you don't hear from him tomorrow and you've had enough then cut him loose.


Plans to meet Wed were made last Thursday since both of us were busy over the weekend. A few txts back and forth on Friday & Saturday. I sent a txt Mon of a silly meme pic. Heard nothing from him until yesterday asking what was going on, how I was doing and if we could reschedule yesterday to today. I agreed, had some joking banter and haven't heard anything since. 

I totally understand people have lives and are busy and what not. This will be our first date whenever it happens. I am not putting expectations out there. I watch actions and my gut for some reason was saying "ummm hey now" so I'm just trying to listen


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Of course, I also think all the dating techniques are relatively bogus. People that use them usually end up with someone manipulating them also which leads to total dysfunction. It's fairly easy to spot.


But this isn't a game. What's more natural, a man who says whatever he can to manipulate and sleep with a woman that night, or one who takes the time getting to know a woman and sleep with her when she's not drunk and lonely. I think the latter is more natural than anything most of us are used to hearing about. It says "I like you enough to not pressure you to sleep with me as soon as possible.":smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Plans to meet Wed were made last Thursday since both of us were busy over the weekend. A few txts back and forth on Friday & Saturday. I sent a txt Mon of a silly meme pic. Heard nothing from him until yesterday asking what was going on, how I was doing and if we could reschedule yesterday to today. I agreed, had some joking banter and haven't heard anything since.
> 
> I totally understand people have lives and are busy and what not. This will be our first date whenever it happens. I am not putting expectations out there. I watch actions and my gut for some reason was saying "ummm hey now" so I'm just trying to listen


Are you planning on Thirsty Thursdays or Ladies Night or something?

I don't see anything fishy here. You're both just started talking and he has been returning your contact. It is a little slow, but don't worry about right now. Just let him text you last next time and see how he responds. If he doesn't text you tomorrow then go NC until he does.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Are you planning on Thirsty Thursdays or Ladies Night or something?
> 
> I don't see anything fishy here. You're both just started talking and he has been returning your contact. It is a little slow, but don't worry about right now. Just let him text you last next time and see how he responds. If he doesn't text you tomorrow then go NC until he does.


We've been talking for about a month now. 

I just wish he would let me know b/c I have plans I can make if he is busy and needs to reschedule. I do have a life other than sitting around waiting for guys to date me LOL

I was the last one to send a text so not sending another until he responds.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> We've been talking for about a month now.
> 
> I just wish he would let me know b/c I have plans I can make if he is busy and needs to reschedule. I do have a life other than sitting around waiting for guys to date me LOL
> 
> I was the last one to send a text so not sending another until he responds.


And if it were me, the offer for tonight would expire in another hour or so.

But that's just me. Up in the air plans after work irritate the crap out of me! I want to know when I'm out of here and where I'm headed, then I can arrange my afternoon in peace!


----------



## jpr

Ohhhh, Nsweet. I love you, man. 

But, geez. Maybe it is an age thing, but I'd have no patience for the dating games you play.

"Dangling" someone? For real? ...adults do this stuff?


----------



## COGypsy

jpr said:


> Ohhhh, Nsweet. I love you, man.
> 
> But, geez. Maybe it is an age thing, but I'd have no patience for the dating games you play.
> 
> "Dangling" someone? For real? ...adults do this stuff?


Adults don't. The ones that do--there's the curb!


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> We've been talking for about a month now.
> 
> I just wish he would let me know b/c I have plans I can make if he is busy and needs to reschedule. I do have a life other than sitting around waiting for guys to date me LOL
> 
> I was the last one to send a text so not sending another until he responds.


A month? Ouch. 

Guess what honey, you're doing your own thing this weekend. Screw him! Plan on doing whatever you want to do and if he contacts you let him know you've already made plans. If you just met him that would be different but a month, that's too late in the game.

You invite these guys into your world, you don't rearrange the heavens and the earth to meet them. If he doesn't keep plans with you then he gets pushed to back on your list of priorities for something else. Even if you have to go out alone and treat yourself still do it.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Ohhhh, Nsweet. I love you, man.
> 
> But, geez. Maybe it is an age thing, but I'd have no patience for the dating games you play.
> 
> "Dangling" someone? For real? ...adults do this stuff?


I think it is the difference in ages. See I have to deal with 20-somethings that love themselves and facebook more than anything. With you guys it's like single parents and divorced people who have more of their sh!t together. 

And let's be honest, you don't need games with women in their 30s and 40s with kids and job. You just need to be a mature adult and have at least part of your life figured out, a job too. 

With these 20-somethings it's different... There's just so much narcissism with a lot of them and it's hard to find one that knows what they want out of a relationship. IDK maybe I'll do better when I'm older and dating the 30+ crowd.


----------



## vi_bride04

COGypsy said:


> And if it were me, the offer for tonight would expire in another hour or so.
> 
> But that's just me. Up in the air plans after work irritate the crap out of me! I want to know when I'm out of here and where I'm headed, then I can arrange my afternoon in peace!


:iagree: Holy crap I couldn't agree with your post more. I have dogs to take care of. Then if I am going out, I need to take a shower/shave, change, whatever....I live about 40min away on average from whatever I am doing. I have been working on not being late to things to yeah, advance planning is somewhat needed. I don't think people understand the "I have dogs to take care of" means I need at least 30min-1hr after work just for them. And that is bare minimum, no playtime 



Nsweet said:


> A month? Ouch.
> 
> Guess what honey, you're doing your own thing this weekend. Screw him! Plan on doing whatever you want to do and if he contacts you let him know you've already made plans. If you just met him that would be different but a month, that's too late in the game.
> 
> You invite these guys into your world, you don't rearrange the heavens and the earth to meet them. If he doesn't keep plans with you then he gets pushed to back on your list of priorities for something else. Even if you have to go out alone and treat yourself still do it.


Yup a month. Talk about slow - haven't even gone on a first date yet and it has been talked about/attempted at least 3 times now. Eh whatever, I'm not holding my breath. 

Been working on weekend plans since yesterday and I am pretty much booked already. Going to the autoshow and casino with my cousin who is coming into town on Sat. My sister and her bf may join us. Then there is a winter festival in Frankenmuth I will probably hit on Sun with my sister/bf. If they ditch out I will go play Magic and other misc nerd board games with my gf and her hubby. Tomorrow night no plans but would be nice to chill a bit. 

Still no word from shrink4men and parole hat just invited me out for drinks and to meet some of his friends tonight. At least that guy knows what he wants


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> There's no exact time scale for it. You just hold off on the sex until you get to know them better and then do it. You still have some sexual chemistry there, just no sex.
> 
> I like it because you get to see more red flags and get to know them better before you go all the way. And to be honest, I would rather have a condom break with a best girl friend than a ONS who turned out to be another crazy girlfriend.


I guess what I'm saying is that while there's no specific time scale for it, you can reach sort of a point of no return with it... when the person you're dangling stops becoming more intrigued and instead switches over to getting more and more impatient. Dangle too long past that point, and you lose them.

And if this is what Slow Hat was doing, then that's the mistake he made... Unsure got to the point where she flat out told him, "Stop dangling, let's get it on." But he missed his window of opportunity and kept dangling... and dangling... and dangling...

If dangling is his game plan, he just doesn't seem to have a goal set to close the deal.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> I guess what I'm saying is that while there's no specific time scale for it, you can reach sort of a point of no return with it... when the person you're dangling stops becoming more intrigued and instead switches over to getting more and more impatient. Dangle too long past that point, and you lose them.
> 
> And if this is what Slow Hat was doing, then that's the mistake he made... Unsure got to the point where she flat out told him, "Stop dangling, let's get it on." But he missed his window of opportunity and kept dangling... and dangling... and dangling...
> 
> If dangling is his game plan, he just doesn't seem to have a goal set to close the deal.



yep that pretty much sums it up...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I put a picture of my hat and me in my album.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> I guess what I'm saying is that while there's no specific time scale for it, you can reach sort of a point of no return with it... when the person you're dangling stops becoming more intrigued and instead switches over to getting more and more impatient. Dangle too long past that point, and you lose them.
> 
> And if this is what Slow Hat was doing, then that's the mistake he made... Unsure got to the point where she flat out told him, "Stop dangling, let's get it on." But he missed his window of opportunity and kept dangling... and dangling... and dangling...
> 
> If dangling is his game plan, he just doesn't seem to have a goal set to close the deal.


You don't dangle for the purpose of being manipulative or drawing thing out forever. You do it to remove all that pressure that of having sex and just get to know them better, which drops her guard and allows you two to have fun because many women expect that the man's going to get all handsy or forceful. And a lot of guys do this. They act nice and respectful on the first few days, but as soon as they start to smell sex they turn into creepy douches.

Also you need to understand that the "friend-zone" is really the "no-sex-zone" and usually happens when you meet someone new and don't even try to show you're attracted to them. If there's no sexual chemistry, not even a little, that person will write you off to spare their own ego. You can get that back in time, but you really have to be someone special and not try to force a reaction out of them. There's a whole 180 for that sort of situation.


----------



## Nsweet

Ok, stop using the word "dangling" if you're not going to attempt to read the article or understand. I'm sorry I brought it up. Geesh.


----------



## Dollystanford

it just makes me thinking of naked squatting balls to be honest


----------



## COGypsy

Dollystanford said:


> it just makes me thinking of naked squatting balls to be honest


Well Jiminy Christmas....when you put it *that* way......


----------



## vi_bride04

:moon:

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## jpr

Mmmmmm...balls.


----------



## unsure78

hmm maybe i will fondle some this weekend perhaps....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> it just makes me thinking of naked squatting balls to be honest


and we have come full circle today...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Date confirmed and I don't have to leave my town. A guy with a car and job?? ALL RIGHT!!!


----------



## Healer

Nsweet said:


> That's true. Generally you only dangle a girl for a month or so and make her crazy about you. You don't keep doing it until she loses interest in you.
> 
> Maybe he saw red flags in Unsure or just opted out for reasons only he knows. Men and women do this from time to time. He likes her attention and comfort but doesn't want to sleep with her.
> 
> Unsure you use this opportunity finally 180 and go date others while he makes up his mind. Just sayin, she wouldn't have problems with future hats being slow if she cut them loose sooner to date others.


Maybe he enjoys the dangle more than the dongle.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Date confirmed and I don't have to leave my town. A guy with a car and job?? ALL RIGHT!!!


ooo good luck... have fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Healer said:


> Maybe he enjoys the dangle more than the dongle.


ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Take your chest puffing elsewhere, boys


Yes, everyone put their dongles back in their trousers.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> You don't dangle for the purpose of being manipulative or drawing thing out forever.


And that's what the rest of us are trying to get at. That's what it seemed like Slow Hat was doing... like he was either being manipulative or drawing things out forever, or both.

If he was taking sex off the table to get to Unsure better, don't you think he would have been a little less flaky about spending time with her so he could get to know her better?



Nsweet said:


> You do it to remove all that pressure that of having sex and just get to know them better, which drops her guard and allows you two to have fun because many women expect that the man's going to get all handsy or forceful. And a lot of guys do this. They act nice and respectful on the first few days, but as soon as they start to smell sex they turn into creepy douches.


Which is all well and good... Unless the woman _wants_ the guy to get handsy, then it's a problem.



Nsweet said:


> Ok, stop using the word "dangling" if you're not going to attempt to read the article or understand. I'm sorry I brought it up. Geesh.


Dude. You are in a helluva mood today. You might want to get a fresh box of Corn Flakes... I think somebody might have pissed in them.

Now, then...

I did read the article. The article is seven pages of stories of guys talking about how terrible they were at dating, until they finally started using this amazing "D" Technique! It sounded like a late-night infomercial. I was honestly surprised to find that the website wasn't selling anything (oh, except for Penis Enlargement secrets and "Electrosex").

There was a half page explaining the "D" Technique. A few its highlights are:


Withhold sex until at least the 7th or 8th date, longer if possible.
Act nonchalant and indifferent, especially where sexual contact is concerned.
Don't call her every night.
Keep her guessing about you feel.
Tell her you are dating other women.

The way this "D" Technique is presented in that article, it has nothing to do with taking the time to get to know a woman. It's all about presenting a facade of aloofness in order to manipulate a woman into chasing after and seducing you, instead of the other way around. The goal of the Technique is not to find a long-lasting, loving relationship. The goal is to get dates and have great sex with women... lots of women... lots of women all at the same time.

All of the anecdotes in that article emphasize how an ordinary guy is dating dozens of beautiful women all at the same time, and all these women are jumping his bones.

So... 

You are right. There is something to be said for setting sex aside for a while and taking the time to learn something about the person your date is before jumping in the sack with them.

But...

That article doesn't say it.


----------



## Nsweet

What is women's fascination with balls?


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> What is women's fascination with balls?


It's probably not so different as men's fascination with boobs.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbar, 

If I have an attitude, how come you just typed up a full page rant to argue your point and make me look foolish? You made some good points but you're a little passive aggressive right now. I think you need to chill out a bit. This thread is supposed to be fun and not make you think too hard or become debate over nonsense issues.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> It's probably not so different as men's fascination with boobs.


That's what I thought.


----------



## COGypsy

Forget about the balls.....what really scares me are the ads I was getting for Depends. And then the survey that slid across the screen for the Depends-big kid diaper things. Gross and grosser!

Back to Firefox and AdBlock it is!


----------



## Dollystanford

7th or 8th date before sex? :rofl:

not in England darlings


----------



## Healer

Pbartender said:


> It's probably not so different as men's fascination with boobs.


I've never known a woman who gets sheer enjoyment out of staring at a pair of sweaty, hairy balls.


----------



## Healer

Dollystanford said:


> 7th or 8th date before sex? :rofl:
> 
> not in England darlings


Coming to Canada anytime soon, luv?


----------



## angelpixie

Maybe I need to post some more Psychology Today articles and calm everyone down again.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I live in Weird World.
> 
> To me, it's "Not just friends" either if we are swapping spit. I don't kiss or make out with my "friends." But if it never gets discussed... lol



Yeah me either . I think there's been times like that when maybe l shoulda said something just to clear the air.


----------



## Dollystanford

Healer said:


> I've never known a woman who gets sheer enjoyment out of staring at a pair of sweaty, hairy balls.


well I don't imagine many men get enjoyment out of sweaty hairy boobs

freshly shaved balls/boobs yes


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Maybe I need to post some more Psychology Today articles and calm everyone down again.


Got any articles on Zoloft?:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> 7th or 8th date before sex? :rofl:
> 
> not in England darlings


Gee, and I thought you British babes were all prim and proper.:scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> My exwife is pissed at me for not paying attention to her since she dissed on me the other night. She confronted me this morning and accused me of using her for sex only...we haven't had sex with each other in like almost 2 years now... :scratchhead:
> 
> If you spend a week or so flirting, sexting, dirty pictures, TALKING about having sex with each other then come over to my place get tipsy then touchy feeley and do stuff like feeding me her dinner I made her all while rubbing on my thighs and arms and shiat and then making out...is there a question here that we are or aren't getting it on?
> 
> If that's a no we aren't I am in for some trouble reading women in the dating world. Honestly that scares the crap out of me.
> 
> I told her I am totally cool not doing it just the rest of the stuff is not happening at all either!
> I wish I could shuffle her ass out of my life completely...NEXT



Oh man , too weird messing with a d'd ex and after that long . Unless l was hoping to R anyway.
Glad it's you and not me , whata head fk.:scratchhead:


----------



## lisab0105

Healer said:


> I've never known a woman who gets sheer enjoyment out of staring at a pair of sweaty, hairy balls.


call me weird, but I prefer a guy all natural down there. I don't want my guy shaving anything. Guys are supposed have hair 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't get me wrong, I like hair everywhere else. But I appreciate manscaping. I don't want to be faced with a 70s porn mag bush any more than he does


----------



## Healer

Dollystanford said:


> well I don't imagine many men get enjoyment out of sweaty hairy boobs
> 
> freshly shaved balls/boobs yes


Nothing worse than stubbly ta's.


----------



## Healer

lisab0105 said:


> call me weird, but I prefer a guy all natural down there. I don't want my guy shaving anything. Guys are supposed have hair
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We should hook up - I've got dreads going on down there.


----------



## lisab0105

Dollystanford said:


> Don't get me wrong, I like hair everywhere else. But I appreciate manscaping. I don't want to be faced with a 70s porn mag bush any more than he does


Don't ask me why, but manscaping creeps me out 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

Healer said:


> We should hook up - I've got dreads going on down there.


That's hot 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Don't ask me why, but manscaping creeps me out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it less creep to get pubic hair in your mouth?


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Pbar,
> 
> If I have an attitude, how come you just typed up a full page rant to argue your point and make me look foolish?


Because I like you, Nsweet. Because you were debating over a nonsense issue. Because you getting more than a little bit pissy about it. And because I was feeling more than a little bit snarky this afternoon.


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> Is it less creep to get pubic hair in your mouth?


Yes, way less. It doesn't happen often enough for me too care. It's a burden I am happy to bare.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> He's making her crazy wondering if he likes her or not. He's a challenge is he not?
> 
> *He knows what he's doing. *



l think he knows what he's doing . He just keeps her in the draw for when there's nothing else on offer.


----------



## Dollystanford

unfortunately she jumped out of the drawer and into another man's cabinet


----------



## jpr

Mmmmm...I love all balls.

But, yes...I prefer a little grooming...just to minimize the loose hairs.


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> l think he knows what he's doing . He just keeps her in the draw for when there's nothing else on offer.


Maybe he's sorta like Mr. Nochem,using unsure for attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Because I like you, Nsweet. Because you were debating over a nonsense issue. Because you getting more than a little bit pissy about it. And because I was feeling more than a little bit snarky this afternoon.


Hey, I like you too. 

You're rant wasn't nearly as bad the one this virgin's argument on another forum about how all women want to cut off your penis in the middle of the night. Freakin idiot.


----------



## jpr

Slow hat has issues. ....he has no game. 

He blew it. 

Big time.


Unsure was pretty patient with him because she saw something special in him. But, seriously. He missed his chance. He could have had something good, and he totally blew it.

...because he is in his own little world. 

How do guys who "dangle" themselves think that makes the girl feel? It is playing with someone's heart, and their emotions.

It is manipulative and mean. ....and completely inauthentic.

...it is everything that love is not supposed to be.


----------



## Nsweet

Does anyone else notice how overly patient we divorced people are? Compared to singles we give WAY too much time and attention to people who don't deserve it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Mr. Slow Hat should go into the "NC Zone".


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> Does anyone else notice how overly patient we divorced people are? Compared to singles we give WAY too much time and attention to people who don't deserve it.


I know just as many divorced people who rush into things.


----------



## unsure78

manscaping is good

slow is my friend now... i enjoy his sense of humor greatly, for that he is worthy of being a friend... I dont need NC, i never loved him, never had sex with him, never got farther that a bit of cuddling and one peck on the lips....

engy NC was needed and still in place...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> manscaping is good
> 
> slow is my friend now... i enjoy his sense of humor greatly, for that he is worthy of being a friend... I dont need NC, i never loved him, never had sex with him, never got farther that a bit of cuddling and one peck on the lips....
> 
> engy NC was needed and still in place...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't wait to hear the story of when he finally tries to make a move on you ... in a year and a half.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I know just as many divorced people who rush into things.


What I mean is it seems like the divorced crowd gives too many second chances to people who the single never married crowd would never put up with for that long.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Home gym for me. Tried the whole extrovert showing off workout thing. I can do everything I need to here at home and with better concentration
> Plus I dig free weights, outside activities, and the heavy bag.


Showing off working out thing? Lack of concentration? Too each their own but I think you were doing it wrong. Haha.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> I think it is the difference in ages. See I have to deal with 20-somethings that love themselves and facebook more than anything. With you guys it's like single parents and divorced people who have more of their sh!t together.
> 
> And let's be honest, you don't need games with women in their 30s and 40s with kids and job. You just need to be a mature adult and have at least part of your life figured out, a job too.
> 
> With these 20-somethings it's different... There's just so much narcissism with a lot of them and it's hard to find one that knows what they want out of a relationship. IDK maybe I'll do better when I'm older and dating the 30+ crowd.



Unfortunately ns you seem to know the bad ones , l'd take the 20s any day , just read through Tam to see how much worse it gets and what some of these so call matured women are doing.
l could find hundreds in the 20s but it's down right fkd up scary out there in the 40s believe me and with enough fkd up baggage and head fk to make anyone shake in your boots :rofl:.
Enjoy the 20s man before the real ugly stuff comes along , just change the crowd.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Can't wait to hear the story of when he finally tries to make a move on you ... in a year and a half.


hahahah... im not holding my breath
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

No thanks, I prefer older women. Like they gotta be at least 30yo and not mention their facebook profile when talking about themselves or their "friends". I would rather date a woman with a kid and no time for anything than one who spends all day checking on their constant stream of narcissistic supply.


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> I guess what I'm saying is that while there's no specific time scale for it, you can reach sort of a point of no return with it... when the person you're dangling stops becoming more intrigued and instead switches over to getting more and more impatient. Dangle too long past that point, and you lose them.
> 
> And if this is what Slow Hat was doing, then that's the mistake he made... Unsure got to the point where she flat out told him, "Stop dangling, let's get it on." But he missed his window of opportunity and kept dangling... and dangling... and dangling...
> 
> If dangling is his game plan, he just doesn't seem to have a goal set to close the deal.



To me it's very very simple . l mean lets face it, if a guy is really , really , into someone , it blows his mind . The last thing he wants to do is dangle .
Long story short , none of these people are even that into each other but hey , might need her one Friday night so l'll keep her handy just encase.


----------



## whitehawk

Dumb question 2nd try , l know , more important matters came up :rofl:

But hey , so are we expected to contact the matches the date sites send you ?


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> I know just as many divorced people who rush into things.


Yeah l do to now after hanging round Tam. Don't think we get any smarter in this stuff :rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Unfortunately ns you seem to know the bad ones , l'd take the 20s any day , just read through Tam to see how much worse it gets and what some of these so call matured women are doing.
> l could find hundreds in the 20s but it's down right fkd up scary out there in the 40s believe me and with enough fkd up baggage and head fk to make anyone shake in your boots :rofl:.
> Enjoy the 20s man before the real ugly stuff comes along , just change the crowd.


You couldn't pay me to be in my 20's. I wouldn't mind having my pre-kid body back since it was more bomb than atom :smthumbup:, but everything else was a ***** to deal with.


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> Slow hat has issues. ....he has no game.
> 
> He blew it.
> 
> Big time.
> 
> 
> Unsure was pretty patient with him because she saw something special in him. But, seriously. He missed his chance. He could have had something good, and he totally blew it.
> 
> ...because he is in his own little world.
> 
> How do guys who "dangle" themselves think that makes the girl feel? It is playing with someone's heart, and their emotions.
> 
> It is manipulative and mean. ....and completely inauthentic.
> 
> ...it is everything that love is not supposed to be.



He doesn't know how he feels so she's not the one . l'm pretty cut and dry in this stuff :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> You couldn't pay me to be in my 20's. I wouldn't mind having my pre-kid body back since it was more bomb than atom :smthumbup:, but everything else was a ***** to deal with.


Really , sorry to hear that lisa. l had a ball in my 20s . Great girls and no head bs , at least that's how it was for me .
To me 20s to early 30s and then we start to get all fkd up and go to [email protected] :rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Really , sorry to hear that lisa. l had a ball in my 20s . Great girls and no head bs , at least that's how it was for me .
> To me 20s to early 30s and then we start to get all fkd up and go to [email protected] :rofl:


Well, I am 35 now. I don't think I am going to shat just yet but I am sure my clock is ticking.


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Dumb question 2nd try , l know , more important matters came up :rofl:
> 
> But hey , so are we expected to contact the matches the date sites send you ?


no your not
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Speaking of balls...

Things are getting a little bit testie in here. 

I am off to bed to dream of things that dangle.



:sleeping:



Sweet dreams.


----------



## Nsweet

I like your siggy Lisa.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow, the boys are kinda hostile today...


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, the boys are kinda hostile today...


Not a whole lot of actual dating either. Just a bunch of men and women getting pissy and over thinking relationships and dating. We all need to get laid, that's the problem.


----------



## jpr

Nsweet said:


> Not a whole lot of actual dating either. Just a bunch of men and women getting pissy and over thinking relationships and dating. We all need to get laid, that's the problem.


Mmmmmm.....sex.

sex solves all problems.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Mmmmmm.....sex.
> 
> sex solves all problems.


Really good sex does. 

Bad sex... Makes problems worse. 

But the best kind of sex, is the sex weren't planning on.


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> I like your siggy Lisa.


Thank you!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, the boys are kinda hostile today...


I was thinking the same thing....ahh well must be something in the air...?

Date went great, IMO. Well I know I had a great time and enjoyed myself. It was extremely nice and refreshing to have someone who engages in conversation, is intelligent, has a sense of humor, good sense of self, great boundaries...yeah had a good time. We couldn't stop talking, stayed till the resturant closed then sat and talked in his car for about another 40 min. Lol. He did mention it was nice to talk to someone who didn't mention the Kardashians...HA 

Great time, he asked to go out again so we'll see I guess.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> Don't ask me why, but manscaping creeps me out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me, too. IMO, it's the antithesis to masculinity, especially when it is manscaped bald. I like a man who looks like a man. Hairy can be sexay.



whitehawk said:


> Unfortunately ns you seem to know the bad ones , l'd take the 20s any day , just read through Tam to see how much worse it gets and what some of these so call matured women are doing.
> l could find hundreds in the 20s but it's down right fkd up scary out there in the 40s believe me and with enough fkd up baggage and head fk to make anyone shake in your boots :rofl:.
> Enjoy the 20s man before the real ugly stuff comes along , just change the crowd.


Eh, I don't know. It seems it's fvcked up no matter the age. I had to deal with sh!t in my 20s, too. It's always something.



Nsweet said:


> No thanks, I prefer older women. Like they gotta be at least 30yo and not mention their facebook profile when talking about themselves or their "friends". I would rather date a woman with a kid and no time for anything than one who spends all day checking on their constant stream of narcissistic supply.


Do you not have a Facebook? Do people really go around mentioning their FB all the time (the women you meet)?

Re: Unsure's Slow Hat--I still can't put my finger on what it is, but something seems off about that guy. Maybe he has a sexual dysfunction or something. Was he recently out of a relationship or dealing with a lot of stress/trauma/strange events? Either way, not worth your time, Unsure.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I was thinking the same thing....ahh well must be something in the air...?
> 
> Date went great, IMO. Well I know I had a great time and enjoyed myself. It was extremely nice and refreshing to have someone who engages in conversation, is intelligent, has a sense of humor, good sense of self, great boundaries...yeah had a good time. We couldn't stop talking, stayed till the resturant closed then sat and talked in his car for about another 40 min. Lol. He did mention it was nice to talk to someone who didn't mention the Kardashians...HA
> 
> Great time, he asked to go out again so we'll see I guess.


Vi, thats so awesome! :smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Good deal VI !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Me, too. IMO, it's the antithesis to masculinity, especially when it is manscaped bald. I like a man who looks like a man. Hairy can be sexay.
> 
> 
> 
> Eh, I don't know. It seems it's fvcked up no matter the age. I had to deal with sh!t in my 20s, too. It's always something.
> 
> Do you not have a Facebook? Do people really go around mentioning their FB all the time (the women you meet)?
> 
> 
> 
> @@ That's what l'm always wondering. See it on the net all the time but l don't hear it often in the real world myself , cept from my 12 yr old and her mates :rofl: . Or mlc'g older people, frickin wrecks a few marriages l know that much.
> 
> The other stuff , oh God the observation around but l can just say . l honestly felt so blessed in my 20s and 30s myself.
> The girls , clear minds, the fun and most heavenly bodies and parts , l got to play with  my God . Although like seems to be my life yep there were lots of lows and fk ups and then add this last year, youch.
> But to some of the most incredible and beautiful highs l just couldn't believe God or whoever there is up there brought into my life some times .
> Really , l've had more than my share, l really couldn't complain from here .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Me, too. IMO, it's the antithesis to masculinity, especially when it is manscaped bald. I like a man who looks like a man. Hairy can be sexay.
> 
> 
> 
> Eh, I don't know. It seems it's fvcked up no matter the age. I had to deal with sh!t in my 20s, too. It's always something.
> 
> 
> @@ ps yeah that too , ya wonder why you bother sometimes :scratchhead:
> 
> Ever wonder , how much good stuff are we meant to have in life . ls someone up there keeping score or what - heyyyy, you , you've had too much good , here's some sh!t for awhile now suck it up :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

6 Ways To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | SMOSH
Good stuff! This is what I've been saying over and over.

Alright bored single moms and twister trolls. Tell me how *YOU* know better.

I'm inviting haters to hate. I'm going to copy and past the best of the worst for a project. So tell me how you're smarter than the average bear, older and wiser, more alpha, and how you never read anything related to the topic but somehow you know better. _We all know you're just bored and lonely, but humor me anyways._


----------



## 06Daddio08

Great to hear Vi! Get enough sleep?


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> 6 Ways To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | SMOSH
> Good stuff! This is what I've been saying over and over.


Great advice with a misleading title.


----------



## Pictureless

Nsweet said:


> Not a whole lot of actual dating either. Just a bunch of men and women getting pissy and over thinking relationships and dating. We all need to get laid, that's the problem.


Oh man! If it were that easy.

I feel like I have a giant R for rejected printed on my forehead. Not ready for serious dating but past being hurt and not wanting to be alone.

Translation: I could use some hot monkey lovin

Any advice for men like me new to the divorce after life?


----------



## jpr

Nsweet...

I think you probably have some good dating advice for people in their 20's who are into this 'dating game' scene.

Maybe I am an outlier, but it all just seems so silly and calculated to me. 

I agree with PB. The title of the article shouldn't be "How to get out of the Friend Zone"...it should be "How to go on with your life after you have been friend-zoned. "

If someone isn't interested, move on. ...no need to play games in hopes of gaining their affection. There are plenty of fish.


----------



## whitehawk

Pictureless said:


> Oh man! If it were that easy.
> 
> I feel like I have a giant R for rejected printed on my forehead. Not ready for serious dating but past being hurt and not wanting to be alone.
> 
> Translation: I could use some hot monkey lovin
> 
> Any advice for men like me new to the divorce after life?




Know how you feel Picture but funny , l actually feel like friendzone right now or fun zone l could say . Seems to be running from me right now though.
Bit of interest on this new date site l joined but oh hell , that stuff just seems too complicated, can't get into it .


----------



## Pbartender

jpr said:


> I agree with PB. The title of the article shouldn't be "How to get out of the Friend Zone"...it should be "How to go on with your life after you have been friend-zoned. "


I'd go with a title more along the lines of "There is no Friend Zone, only Zuul!"

Because the advice given therein isn't just about getting out of the friend zone, but also who to avoid it altogether.

The friend zone isn't something some else does to you, it's something we do to ourselves. Change your point of view on the friend zone and it vanishes. And that's what all the advice in the article is about... You don't actually leave the friend zone, but you change your personal perception (and you change your actions in order to help change that perspective) of the friend zone, so that it's no longer something to be reviled or despised.

_"Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things."_ *- Epictetus*


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Ever wonder , how much good stuff are we meant to have in life . ls someone up there keeping score or what - heyyyy, you , you've had too much good , here's some sh!t for awhile now suck it up :rofl:


No, I do not think that way. I would be sad if I thought there was a limit to amounts of happiness. 



Nsweet said:


> 6 Ways To Get Out Of The Friend Zone


No guy who has ever been in my "friend zone" has gotten out of it.



jpr said:


> Nsweet...
> 
> I think you probably have some good dating advice for people in their 20's who are into this 'dating game' scene.
> 
> Maybe I am an outlier, but it all just seems so silly and calculated to me.
> 
> I agree with PB. The title of the article shouldn't be "How to get out of the Friend Zone"...it should be "How to go on with your life after you have been friend-zoned. "
> 
> If someone isn't interested, move on. ...no need to play games in hopes of gaining their affection. There are plenty of fish.


:iagree:

Nsweet will have a different viewpiont from those of us who are older than him because his experiences and probably social groups are with younger people. I am not one for games either or "making challenges" or manipulating people to get a desired result. To me, either I am into someone or not, or they are into me or not. Games are for children. It's lame. Ain't nobody got time for that.

7 billion people on this planet and all that.

Vi-that is awesome that you had a nice date!


----------



## whitehawk

Tell you guys something really depressing l just realized after mentioning that stuff earlier .

ALL , my most favorite bestest times through my life have all involved females.
l guess l could say to though this most hardest and ugliest separation period in my life was also from a female.

l was gonna say l think l better get a new one then till l remembered the last bit , now l'm fkd up again :scratchhead:


----------



## Pbartender

I was thinking...

The general assumption seems to be guys get friend zoned by girls.

But I was just realizing there have several women I've friend zoned. And in an odd way, Unsure was sort of friend zoned by Slow Hat.

So now I'm curious... Ladies? Any experiences getting friend zoned, instead of friend zoning?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Pbartender said:


> I was thinking...
> 
> The general assumption seems to be guys get friend zoned by girls.
> 
> But I was just realizing there have several women I've friend zoned. And in an odd way, Unsure was sort of friend zoned by Slow Hat.
> 
> So now I'm curious... Ladies? Any experiences getting friend zoned, instead of friend zoning?


You and me both, dude. A year ago I was having to beat them off with a stick. There was even a "team D2H" at work. Crazy. I have had numerous "friend zoned" girls talk to me about why I am dating who I am dating after a few drinks. It's rather humorous.

My boundries and reasons for doing things have always been to protect myself........not to make a girl like me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbar - Sure, there have been guys I liked who clearly only saw me as a friend or weren't into me. I think it goes both ways.

Whitehawk-don't beat yourself up. The cure to happiness is not another woman. It's finding happiness within and then if you meet someone, sharing it with t hem.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> So now I'm curious... Ladies? Any experiences getting friend zoned, instead of friend zoning?


Hmmm..Good question. This happened to me when I was younger, 18-22 with a couple of guys I was crushing on hard, but not since leaving my ex. 

I'm not looking for guy friends at this point, I have plenty with my core group of friends, its all or nothing...if I'm friend zoned or I friend zone someone I probably won't hang out with them again.


----------



## COGypsy

I can't even remember how many times I've been friend-zoned. Of course I spend a lot of time hanging around with guys, so it makes the odds better for that. I think the difference is that men seem more motivated to try to break out of the friend zone whereas women are fine being friends as long as it's made clear that's the situation.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Pbar - Sure, there have been guys I liked who clearly only saw me as a friend or weren't into me. I think it goes both ways.
> 
> Whitehawk-don't beat yourself up. The cure to happiness is not another woman. It's finding happiness within and then if you meet someone, sharing it with t hem.


Thanks for that JB and your right it shouldn't be should it. lt's just how it's worked out though l've realized, they've just always been around l guess.
Ah well , l'm certainly getting the chance to give the without them thing a bash right now anyway , see what happens :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

If someone not wanting to go out with you but still wanting to have sex a few times a week counts then hell yeah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

COGypsy said:


> I can't even remember how many times I've been friend-zoned. Of course I spend a lot of time hanging around with guys, so it makes the odds better for that. I think the difference is that men seem more motivated to try to break out of the friend zone whereas women are fine being friends as long as it's made clear that's the situation.



l've actually found the opposite where l've only want friends and it's usually gotten pretty awkward in the end.


----------



## Pictureless

So what are all these dating sites you guys are talking about?


----------



## whitehawk

l really hate trying to fk with friends , just don't like it .
To me it's like they're friends to be friends with that's why they're only friends .


----------



## COGypsy

Dollystanford said:


> If someone not wanting to go out with you but still wanting to have sex a few times a week counts then hell yeah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's a different friend-zone. I believe that would be the FWB-zone. Much more entertaining than a regular old friend-zone!


----------



## whitehawk

Pictureless said:


> So what are all these dating sites you guys are talking about?



l'll leave this one for the experts Picture , l've only just joined one myself. Damn things another world, don't think the style will ever gel with me but a lot of others do ok, l think. 
Been thinking l might just leave it floating around out there in internet world and if that really special girl does come along then l'll see if l can meet her but to hell with the rest of it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pictureless said:


> So what are all these dating sites you guys are talking about?


Plenty of Fish, free version

If you are serious about looking for someone to date I would suggest signing up and paying for a site...I think it cuts out the riff raff a little bit. Maybe not...maybe the dating world is the vortex of crazy people no matter if you pay a monthly fee or not.


----------



## lisab0105

I have never friend-zoned someone. I can't be friends with someone who I know is into me but I was not into them. Not fair to them. I just wished them well and went NC. 

I was friend-zoned by someone though...we started dating when I was 19 but found out he was trying to score with another girl we worked with. After a couple of months I started speaking to him again, while my feelings for him were still there I was cautious. He finally came out and said "You are beautiful and amazing in bed, but you are too young for me and I need to find someone on my level." 

For a long time I hoped he would see the light, but he never did...UNTIL I was with someone. :scratchhead: too late. 

We are actually still friends to this day. I think he is the longest running friendship I have. I have ZERO desire for him though.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> I'd go with a title more along the lines of "There is no Friend Zone, only Zuul!"
> 
> "[/I] *- Epictetus*


HAHAHAHHAHAHAH that just made me crack up.... are you the gatekeeper? im the key master


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> And in an odd way, Unsure was sort of friend zoned by Slow Hat.


Hmm hahahah this is starting to sound like a challenge to me... I like a good challenge... make slow love me... but i dont want to play games with someones affection or heart.

There are things going on in his life that i have chosen not to post on this thread... and i will leave it at that

anyway I have SA currently hard at work trying to win me over.. telling me hes thinking about me all the time... 

this one may be trouble for me.. im still being cautious, still observing


----------



## unsure78

VI glad to hear you date went well


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> If someone not wanting to go out with you but still wanting to have sex a few times a week counts then hell yeah


I need one of these. A lover.



whitehawk said:


> l really hate trying to fk with friends , just don't like it .
> To me it's like they're friends to be friends with that's why they're only friends .


Agreed, me, too. Which is why anyone in my friend zone has never made it out of it. 



lisab0105 said:


> I have never friend-zoned someone. I can't be friends with someone who I know is into me but I was not into them. Not fair to them. I just wished them well and went NC.


I have a situation like this one. One of my guy pals does have a smidge of a crush on me. I know it. And for a long time I resented him for it but then I realized, we can't help who we like and are attracted to. I have always told him straight up that I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship and meant it. I have "tried" ti have feelings for him but there is simply no spark at all for me. He is a great guy, too. I just have no attraction to him in "that way."



lisab0105 said:


> I was friend-zoned by someone though...we started dating when I was 19 but found out he was trying to score with another girl we worked with. After a couple of months I started speaking to him again, while my feelings for him were still there I was cautious. He finally came out and said "You are beautiful and amazing in bed, but you are too young for me and I need to find someone on my level."


But were you ever really friends if you "dated" and "slept together?" To me, that is different.

Also, how much older was he then you? 



lisab0105 said:


> For a long time I hoped he would see the light, but he never did...UNTIL I was with someone. :scratchhead: too late. .


Funny how that happens, right?



lisab0105 said:


> We are actually still friends to this day. I think he is the longest running friendship I have. I have ZERO desire for him though.


What made you lose your desire for him? 
Funny how that happens, right?


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Hmm hahahah this is starting to sound like a challenge to me... I like a good challenge... make slow love me... but i dont want to play games with someones affection or heart.
> 
> There are things going on in his life that i have chosen not to post on this thread... and i will leave it at that


Ugh, Unsure. LOL. Those "things" could certainly help to fill in the blanks, especially if we have been right in our guesses about what the deal is with him...

You have been playing us all along!


----------



## angelpixie

Happy to hear about your great date, Vi! Keeping my fingers crossed for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh, Unsure. LOL. Those "things" could certainly help to fill in the blanks, especially if we have been right in our guesses about what the deal is with him...
> 
> You have been playing us all along!


No i haven't... i thought i told you in pm what was going on in his life...


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> I need one of these. A lover.
> 
> 
> 
> Agreed, me, too. Which is why anyone in my friend zone has never made it out of it.
> 
> 
> 
> I have a situation like this one. One of my guy pals does have a smidge of a crush on me. I know it. And for a long time I resented him for it but then I realized, we can't help who we like and are attracted to. I have always told him straight up that I would never do anything to jeopardize our friendship and meant it. I have "tried" ti have feelings for him but there is simply no spark at all for me. He is a great guy, too. I just have no attraction to him in "that way."
> 
> 
> 
> But were you ever really friends if you "dated" and "slept together?" To me, that is different.
> 
> Also, how much older was he then you?
> 
> 
> Funny how that happens, right?
> 
> 
> 
> What made you lose your desire for him?
> Funny how that happens, right?


He was 27 at the time. I stopped being into him because I saw that he treated me way better as just his friend than he ever did while we were dating/sleeping together. It jus became very clear to me that he would never be faithful and once I realized that my desire to be close with him went out of the window.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> No i haven't... i thought i told you in pm what was going on in his life...


I don't remember! Lol.



lisab0105 said:


> It jus became very clear to me that he would never be faithful and once I realized that my desire to be close with him went out of the window.


Yeah that would definitely suck.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> I don't remember! Lol.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah that would definitely suck.


Definitely sucked at the time :tool:...he was so hot.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> I was thinking...
> 
> The general assumption seems to be guys get friend zoned by girls.
> 
> But I was just realizing there have several women I've friend zoned. And in an odd way, Unsure was sort of friend zoned by Slow Hat.
> *
> So now I'm curious... Ladies? Any experiences getting friend zoned, instead of friend zoning?*


Um, my friend zone debacle is written out here for all to see!  Been friend zoned by hardhat, I discovered thats ok for now. If it gets to be too much for me I will cut that out as well. I am not used to rejection from men, this has been a surreal experience for me! Obviously I have issues that I didnt used to! LOL!


----------



## doureallycare2

I’ve only been dating for the last 6 months. So I’m certainly no expert but maybe it’s an "older-generation" thing. But I don’t need any more friends So I have not friend-zone anyone (although to be nice I did tell widower we could be friends but I don’t see it happening). On the same note the guys have definitely not wanted me as a "friend". They either wanted a full passionate romance or a sex partner. Tall guy has been my slowest mover but he has been very variable that he wants to develop a romantic relationship with me that will hopefully lead to a permanent relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> . I am not used to rejection from men, this has been a surreal experience for me! Obviously I have issues that I didnt used to! LOL!


Oh, 3x... hugs! When it rains, it pours!



doureallycare2 said:


> Tall guy has been my slowest mover but he has been very variable that he wants to develop a romantic relationship with me that will hopefully lead to a permanent relationship.


Goodness, what is up with all these slow guys, it seems! it's an epidemic in this thread.


----------



## doureallycare2

epidemic in this thread.[/QUOTE]

I know right!!.. Dating since October (it did take us both a while to get exclusive). and now hes finally giving me "closed" kisses, hand holding or holding my knee (at movies) and little endearments like honey.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Nsweet...
> 
> I think you probably have some good dating advice for people in their 20's who are into this 'dating game' scene.
> 
> Maybe I am an outlier, but it all just seems so silly and calculated to me.
> 
> I agree with PB. The title of the article shouldn't be "How to get out of the Friend Zone"...it should be "How to go on with your life after you have been friend-zoned. "
> 
> If someone isn't interested, move on. ...no need to play games in hopes of gaining their affection. There are plenty of fish.





Jellybeans said:


> No guy who has ever been in my "friend zone" has gotten out of it.
> 
> Nsweet will have a different viewpionts from those of us who are older than him because his experiences and probably social groups are with younger people. I am not one for games either or "making challenges" or manipulating people to get a desired result. To me, either I am into someone or not, or they are into me or not. Games are for children. It's lame. Ain't nobody got time for that.
> 
> 7 billion people on this planet and all that.
> 
> Vi-that is awesome that you had a nice date!


Congratulations you two, you just proved my point.:smthumbup: 

You have never read about the topic you're attempting to discredit me on for age, sex, and experience, and yet you've somehow found a way to twist everything around to make this about your anitpathy towards manipulation or game playing... AGAIN. All of this done with callousness and a sense of superiority for "winning" of an argument in which there is none.

These are the actions of Antipathy TROLLS. Kids call them "twister trolls", and they work by covertly discrediting the their victim and changing the subject to be about themselves and something they dislike. In this case is how you don't like men playing games and you're smarter than the average bear.


----------



## Nsweet

Pictureless said:


> Oh man! If it were that easy.
> 
> I feel like I have a giant R for rejected printed on my forehead. Not ready for serious dating but past being hurt and not wanting to be alone.
> 
> Translation: I could use some hot monkey lovin
> 
> Any advice for men like me new to the divorce after life?


There's only one thing that's going to work for you, but you're not going to like it..... 

You're going to need 1-2 years of being single and not actively looking for dates with women to fill that hole your ex wife left in you. You're going to need this time to unclutter your mind and get your life back and your self esteem along with it. 

It's probably going to be hardest your first 6 months and you're going to be pretty depressed, maybe even really angry and bitter for a while. After that you'll know when your time is right when you stop caring and stop needing someone to make you feel whole.


----------



## ne9907

I think it is very common for newly single people to feel as if WE must jump in the fire (date) head on to get some sort of validation.
I did this. I did not date, but I contacted an ex on line. I got the validation I wanted. 
I definitely do not want to date. I feel as it is a waste of time at this moment. 
But I do enjoy all of your dating stories!! Makes me smile a lot!

So keep on posting them


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Congratulations you two, you just proved my point.:smthumbup:
> 
> You have never read about the topic you're attempting to discredit me on for age, sex, and experience, and yet you've somehow found a way to twist everything around to make this about your anitpathy towards manipulation or game playing... AGAIN. All of this done with callousness and a sense of superiority for "winning" of an argument in which there is none.
> 
> These are the actions of Antipathy TROLLS. Kids call them "twister trolls", and they work by covertly discrediting the their victim and changing the subject to be about themselves and something they dislike. In this case is how you don't like men playing games and you're smarter than the average bear.


Congratulations, you just proved your own point. :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I think it is very common for newly single people to feel as if WE must jump in the fire (date) head on to get some sort of validation.
> I did this. I did not date, but I contacted an ex on line. I got the validation I wanted.
> I definitely do not want to date. I feel as it is a waste of time at this moment.
> But I do enjoy all of your dating stories!! Makes me smile a lot!
> 
> So keep on posting them


Have you heard Dolly's stories? She doesn't post that much now, but man back in the day her dating stories were hilarious. There were a couple others that have moved on that had some really interesting stories. Another Planet kinda reminds me of a few with his. 

I feel you in the no dating part. At this point I straight up know I'm going to rebel against everything a new hat would do to try to change me. "Why do you feel the need to dress me like a A&F model? I have my own style."


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Have you heard Dolly's stories? She doesn't post that much now, but man back in the day her dating stories were hilarious.


I have not. I should probably read this thread from beginning to end. I do not have much time atm..

Since I did not get the librarian job, I have to focus all my energy in the insurance sales business. I am such a bad saleswoman... ahhhhh
I dislike this job soooooooooooooooooo much!! Funny because I believe everyone NEEDS life insurance...


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Have you heard Dolly's stories? She doesn't post that much now, but man back in the day her dating stories were hilarious. There were a couple others that have moved on that had some really interesting stories. Another Planet kinda reminds me of a few with his.
> 
> I feel you in the no dating part. *At this point I straight up know I'm going to rebel against everything a new hat would do to try to change me.* "Why do you feel the need to dress me like a A&F model? I have my own style."


If they try to change you they need to go


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Congratulations, you just proved your own point. :smthumbup:


And you just sucked all the fun out of the room AGAIN.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> If they try to change you they need to go


I said that jokingly, but I have had exes try to either steal my shirts or change my wardrobe. My ex wife when we were first dating tried to get to be buy some godawful Nightmare Before Christmas jacket with a bunch of zippers from Hot-Topic, then she pouted when I wouldn't. 

I get there are some things I probably need to change for the better just not everything about me.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> And you just sucked all the fun out of the room AGAIN.


*I* did? 

And now for something completely different...










I can still knit.


----------



## vi_bride04

In honor of sucking and misunderstandings:

Clerks - 37 - YouTube *(NOT SAFE FOR WORK!)*

Its Friday - lets keep this thread fun peeps!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> *I* did?
> 
> And now for something completely different...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I can still knit.


What is that, a c0ckwarmer?


----------



## Pbartender

Lon said:


> What is that, a c0ckwarmer?


Not yet.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have not. I should probably read this thread from beginning to end. I do not have much time atm..
> 
> Since I did not get the librarian job, I have to focus all my energy in the insurance sales business. I am such a bad saleswoman... ahhhhh
> I dislike this job soooooooooooooooooo much!! Funny because I believe everyone NEEDS life insurance...


Don't worry about it, I'll save you the trouble and tell you how members of this thread have progresses as a whole. 

Men and women come in here after their divorce pretty torn up and looking to date to make themselves feel better. A few date around and keep dating new people every few weeks, but many sorta try it out and then just hang around here reading others stories. About 6-12 months later those members kinda get tired of this place and most of TAM and suddenly drop out. You should of seen how Dolly and Angel posted here all the time but then they vanished. A month or two later those men and women come back and surprise, surprise, they've found someone special. The end. It's happened over and over too!

I'm so sorry NE, I know how much you wanted that job. Maybe it's for the best though. You can keep searching around and use the job you hate as motivation to find a job you really enjoy or start your own business.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> *I* did?
> 
> And now for something completely different...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I can still knit.


That's a nice even weave.


----------



## COGypsy

I thought it was his freak flag!


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> 6 Ways To Get Out Of The Friend Zone | SMOSH
> Good stuff! This is what I've been saying over and over.
> 
> Alright bored single moms and twister trolls. Tell me how *YOU* know better.
> 
> I'm inviting haters to hate. I'm going to copy and past the best of the worst for a project. So tell me how you're smarter than the average bear, older and wiser, more alpha, and how you never read anything related to the topic but somehow you know better. _We all know you're just bored and lonely, but humor me anyways._


Well, I'm not bored, though I am a single mom, and I'm not even sure what a twister troll is... 

Does it have anything to do with this:










and these:

















? 

If so, I don't think that relates to me, either.

HOWEVER...you threw down the gauntlet, Nsweetie, so I will respond. I read the article. There's nothing wrong with it, per se, except that it really doesn't need to be about being 'friend zoned' by someone you've been romantically/sexually attracted to. Everything she says is just as true about a friendship with _anyone --_ same or opposite sex. It's just about how to have healthy boundaries, how not to be used, how to have enough ego strength that you don't subordinate yourself to someone else in a relationship. 

And I don't know if you're going through a tough time lately, or what, but some of the things you have been posting have sounded quite hostile. Such as the above: 



Nsweet said:


> So tell me how you're smarter than the average bear, older and wiser, more alpha, and how you never read anything related to the topic but somehow you know better.


What's the point of that? Why would you assume that people who disagree with you have never read anything on the topic? Why would you assume that people who disagree with you, or even more, have different life experiences than you, are somehow to be disregarded because they disagree with you? 

And sometimes, whether you like it or not, age differences can result in differences in experience and lessons learned. Not just with dating, but with a lot of life. Nothing new there.

I don't know what to tell you, Nsweet, except that people are not out to get you.


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## Nsweet

How I Meteored Your Motherland - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 02/19/13 - Video Clip | Comedy Central


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> How I Meteored Your Motherland - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 02/19/13 - Video Clip | Comedy Central


Now that is some funny sh!t right there.

I love Jon Stewart. He did a really good one on Putin this week.


----------



## Nsweet

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering. 

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was pro da. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. 

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list. 

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. 

"In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!" 

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

(When asked by Johnny Carson what he liked most about living in the United States versus living in Russia.) "Warning shots. In the U.S. the police shoot in the air -- in Russia they shoot straight ahead, that's warning for the next guy."


----------



## Pbartender

Where fashion fits...


----------



## Dollystanford

Well his thread went really weird really quick


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Now that is some funny sh!t right there.
> 
> I love Jon Stewart. He did a really good one on Putin this week.


I love him too. Him and Steven Colbert, they inform and make me crack up. I never miss an episode. 

I like how they don't do fluff pieces or try to generate ratings with overly dramatic stories. They don't need to.


----------



## doureallycare2

ne9907 said:


> I have not. I should probably read this thread from beginning to end. I do not have much time atm..
> 
> Since I did not get the librarian job, I have to focus all my energy in the insurance sales business. I am such a bad saleswoman... ahhhhh
> I dislike this job soooooooooooooooooo much!! Funny because I believe everyone NEEDS life insurance...


Hmmmmm Im an Underwritter, I wonder if your one of my agents  I think your smart to start looking for something else. This industry is getting tougher and tougher.


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> I have not. I should probably read this thread from beginning to end. I do not have much time atm..
> 
> 
> 
> Since I did not get the librarian job, I have to focus all my energy in the insurance sales business. I am such a bad saleswoman... ahhhhh
> 
> I dislike this job soooooooooooooooooo much!! Funny because I believe everyone NEEDS life insurance...



I don't know what your education background is in, but it is never too late to re-tool.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> You have never read about the topic *you're attempting to discredit me* on for age, sex, and experience, *and yet you've somehow found a way to twist everything around to make this about your anitpathy *towards manipulation or game playing... AGAIN. A*ll of this done with callousness and a sense of superiority for "winning" of an argument in which there is none.*


No but really... WTF are you talking about? Callousness? Antipathy? Superiority? "Winning arguments?" Nobody here is trying to "win" anything.

Do you need a moment, Nsweet? I'm not sure where you are getting that people are trying to put you down just because we mentioned that some of your stories, which you have even mentioned yourself, may be more relevant to people your age range. And I'm also unsure why you sound so angry and are calling people trolls:



Nsweet said:


> T_hese are the actions of Antipathy TROLLS. Kids call them "twister trolls", and they work by covertly discrediting the their victim and changing the subject to be about themselves and something they dislik_e. In this case is how you don't like men playing games and you're smarter than the average bear.


Victims? Trolls?

I has a confused. 

Your entire point was that some men manipulate women in order to "challenge them" and others are saying that in doing so, that can lead the other party to ultimately losing interest.

I'm not sure what you are lashing out for. It's really bizarre considering nobody has attacked you personally yet you seem to be taking it that way. 

It's... odd.



FrenchFry said:


> *nothing to say, just had this for awhile. *


Love this! 

:smthumbup:



angelpixie said:


> Well, I'm not bored, though I am a single mom, a*nd I'm not even sure what a twister troll is... *
> 
> Does it have anything to do with this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and these:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ?
> 
> If so, I don't think that relates to me, either.
> 
> HOWEVER...you threw down the gauntlet, Nsweetie, so I will respond.
> 
> And I don't know if you're going through a tough time lately, or what, but* some of the things you have been posting have sounded quite hostile.* Such as the above:
> 
> 
> What's the point of that? *Why would you assume that people who disagree with you have never read anything on the topic? Why would you assume that people who disagree with you, or even more, have different life experiences than you, are somehow to be disregarded because they disagree with you? *
> 
> I don't know what to tell you, Nsweet, except that people are not out to get you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I am left bewildered.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> *I* did?
> 
> And now for something completely different...
> 
> I can still knit.


But can you still make pancakes? 

:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> "In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!"



DS is totally into all things Russian and Soviet right now. And he loves this type of joke, usually told in his best Russian accent. He drew this one in my notebook at work recently when Chinless dropped him off here.



In case you can't read it, it says "In Soviet Russia, plane fly you." :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

I was in the Navy during parts of the Cold War. I recall on one occasion when our ship was going to pass close enough to a soviet fast frigate. The skipper, over the one-mc, gave a count down. All of us on the flight deck rushed over to the port side dropped our draws and mooned them. Wouldn't you know it, their very mature sailors were doing the same thing back at us. Not a shot was fired and no one got hurt


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> All of us on the flight deck rushed over to the port side dropped our draws and mooned them. Wouldn't you know it, their very mature sailors were doing the same thing back at us. Not a shot was fired and no one got hurt


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> I was in the Navy during parts of the Cold War. I recall on one occasion when our ship was going to pass close enough to a soviet fast frigate. The skipper, over the one-mc, gave a count down. All of us on the flight deck rushed over to the port side dropped our draws and mooned them. Wouldn't you know it, their very mature sailors were doing the same thing back at us. Not a shot was fired and no one got hurt


Ranks right up there with the Christmas Truce of WWI. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Ranks right up there with the Christmas Truce of WWI. :rofl:



But what do we call this one? Moons over the Arabian Sea stalemate.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Just thought I would drop by to check things out in this thread today........


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that couldn't have ended well.


----------



## Jellybeans

D2Her: I can't see the pic. What is it of?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

it was a short gif of the plane that crashed in Russia a couple of years ago that was caught on a dash cam as piece and parts came flying across the road hitting cars. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OhIynwGSiM


----------



## doureallycare2

Dedicated2Her said:


> Just thought I would drop by to check things out in this thread today........


It might be a crash and burn but it certainly has been interesting and kept my short attention span engaged.:ezpi_wink1::redcard:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

This thread is all over the place today! Does anyone have a date tonight? 

I am not having a good day today. I was better yesterday, and today I am crumbling. Fvckers. I do have a date set up for Sunday, we will see how that makes me feel...might make me want to crawl further under a rock!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I am not having a good day today. I was better yesterday, and today I am crumbling. *Fvckers*.


:rofl:

Unintentionally funny, 3x!

Aw sorry you are feeling down. I hope you haven't reached out to NoChem. You have to go no contact with him if you are ever going to start to heal. 

Who is the date with? Someone new?

I have a date tonight but it's w/ one of my girlfriends. She is singing downtown so I am going to cheer her on.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> This thread is all over the place today! Does anyone have a date tonight?
> 
> I am not having a good day today. I was better yesterday, and today I am crumbling. Fvckers. I do have a date set up for Sunday, we will see how that makes me feel...might make me want to crawl further under a rock!


What's going on hon?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Unintentionally funny, 3x!
> 
> Aw sorry you are feeling down. I hope you haven't reached out to NoChem. You have to go no contact with him if you are ever going to start to heal.
> 
> Who is the date with? Someone new?
> 
> I have a date tonight but it's w/ one of my girlfriends. She is singing downtown so I am going to cheer her on.


The date is with a guy I have been talking to intermittently for a bit now, we were just never able to synch up a time to meet. Then I stopped dating to see hard hat, so now I reached back out to him.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> This thread is all over the place today! Does anyone have a date tonight?
> 
> I am not having a good day today. I was better yesterday, and today I am crumbling. Fvckers. I do have a date set up for Sunday, we will see how that makes me feel...might make me want to crawl further under a rock!


I have a date with the snow shovel tonight more than likely...haha

I'm so sick of winter. First it was 1-3" then I saw a map that said 3-5" of snow for tonight thru tomorrow. Heading to Detroit tomorrow morning so that should be a fun drive if the roads are crap. :smthumbup:

Hope you have fun on your date Sunday, hopefully it will help your mood.


----------



## unsure78

i have a non-date date tonight for drinks... a former friend of my ex that i found online dating... (weird to date someone who was friends with ex)

catching up about the former group
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


>


You and your dothraki style!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dollystanford said:


>


Omg I JUST saw this on FB and almost posted it, lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> What's going on hon?


Still shell-shocked from what NoChem did to me.  And it seems hardhat has found someone that set his chemistry off, so he is going to play this weekend. Just fvcking sucks all around.


----------



## unsure78

sorry 3x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> sorry 3x
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks!


----------



## Dollystanford

stop worrying about these guys - do you have a couple of girlfriends you can go and get totally hammered with?


----------



## jpr

Hey NSweet...

I apologize if my opinion offended you. (It sounds like it did...based on your response).

For the record, I did read that article you suggested. I just took it a different way than you did.


I am a single mom....but I don't think that I am "bored and lonely". ...or a "twister troll" (as you have described).

I don't think I am "winning".

I just have a different outlook than you do.

...obviously.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dollystanford said:


> stop worrying about these guys - do you have a couple of girlfriends you can go and get totally hammered with?


I wish i did! Everyone is attached or busy, and plus I am on call for my job, so need to stay around home. Booo....


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Still shell-shocked from what NoChem did to me.  And it seems hardhat has found someone that set his chemistry off, so he is going to play this weekend. Just fvcking sucks all around.


That would be upsetting. 

Wait a minute, I just figured it out.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> That would be upsetting.
> 
> Wait a minute, I just figured it out.


Figured what out?


----------



## ne9907

doureallycare2 said:


> Hmmmmm Im an Underwritter, I wonder if your one of my agents  I think your smart to start looking for something else. This industry is getting tougher and tougher.


Lol maybe. I work for a company you probably have never heard of. This business is tough. I have only gotten into a home today. Nothing. Next app is in an hour. I just can't knock on doors. My hopes were really high for the library j job.I had an excellent interview. I aced the written exam but you know life sometimes is tricky. Iam looking for something else.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I wish i did! Everyone is attached or busy, and plus I am on call for my job, so need to stay around home. Booo....


Wish I lived closer then we could go paint the town red. Having a rough day myself. Need a strong drink.... btw nsweet thanks for letting me know about nudevista...... haha


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Hey NSweet...
> 
> I apologize if my opinion offended you. (It sounds like it did...based on your response).
> 
> For the record, I did read that article you suggested. I just took it a different way than you did.
> 
> 
> I am a single mom....but I don't think that I am "bored and lonely". ...or a "twister troll" (as you have described).
> 
> I don't think I am "winning".
> 
> I just have a different outlook than you do.
> 
> ...obviously.


Next time take a minute or two to see things from my perspective. 

Here you have intelligent, 20-something, and previous game player (reformed), who is breaking down how and why this stuff works and what you can to avoid getting burned. I'm literally giving away the supposed "secret tricks" the most manipulative people pull. I don't take the side of the PUA either, I actually try to warn against such emotionally abusive men and women. And talk more about bad exes rather than douches in shiny clothing.

But also.... 

I try to take the time to explain a few things that I learned geared towards the lighter side. Some you may not have heard about from a male perspective. Nothing way too technical but more of "this he meant" and "these are signs you're not the only woman in his life". I don't really talk about the game stuff much anymore, or anything like body language or approaching... Just more stuff like chasing and the 180 in dating.


----------



## Another Planet

I liked that link. Its all cool with me especially dis one...
I think Nsweet said it a while ago but seriously whats wrong with having a hot friend that can hook you up with her other hot friends? :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Figured what out?


By avoiding "game playing" and trying to make it work with a couple men you're just casually dating, you're getting played with yourself. 

I have an idea here. 

What if you tried dating more than 2 or 3 men at once. What if you went out on a bunch of first dates and then narrowed it down from there and kept a plan in action. Say those new men would only have one month to take you out on 3-5 dates and impress you or else you would cut them loose. 

No more waiting forever, and you would have stricter boundaries. If they just wanted to jerk you around and put you in the friend zone, then you drop them fast.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> By avoiding "game playing" and trying to make it work with a couple men you're just casually dating, you're getting played with yourself.
> 
> I have an idea here.
> 
> What if you tried dating more than 2 or 3 men at once. What if you went out on a bunch of first dates and then narrowed it down from there and kept a plan in action. Say those new men would only have one month to take you out on 3-5 dates and impress you or else you would cut them loose.
> 
> No more waiting forever, and you would have stricter boundaries. If they just wanted to jerk you around and put you in the friend zone, then you drop them fast.


Well, the problem is that almost NO ONE gets past a first date with me! I have been out on MANY first dates, but thats all they end up being! If I dont feel that click, thats it for me.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Wish I lived closer then we could go paint the town red. Having a rough day myself. Need a strong drink.... btw nsweet thanks for letting me know about nudevista...... haha


Maybe later I'll tell you how to download any video you want using firefox.

btw, don't forget to use quotation marks " " in your searches to look for exact matches, and dashes - next to the search word you want to exclude (no spaces after the dash either). 

Oh and if you can't find what you're looking for in full length sometimes the torrent sites have them in full.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> stop worrying about these guys - *do you have a couple of girlfriends you can go and get totally hammered with?*


I like your style, Dolly.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, the problem is that almost NO ONE gets past a first date with me! I have been out on MANY first dates, but thats all they end up being! If I dont feel that click, thats it for me.


Ah! So write down what you're looking for in these men. Make it 20 things you want and 20 things you don't want. Give every one of the men you date a fair chance to impress you, and then dump the one that doesn't get higher than a score of 15 out of 20.

For me when I first started using this technique I was looking for girlfriend that might possibly be wife material, and I would not put up with any drug use, previous cheating, or any women not serious about a relationship. Those automatically would disqualify her. But I would put up with smokers, light drinkers, and a couple other things but her positives had to outweigh the negatives.

Also 3X, do not fall for the trap of instant chemistry and butterflies in the stomach, or any man that seems perfect on the first date. This a dangerous red flag, it usually means the person you're with is just mirroring what you're looking for and feeding you lines. If you doubt this just any man on here how his crazy ex wife was in the beginning and he'll tell you she was picture perfect.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Also 3X, do not fall for the trap of instant chemistry and butterflies in the stomach, or any man that seems perfect on the first date. This a dangerous red flag, it usually means the person you're with is just mirroring what you're looking for and feeding you lines. If you doubt this just any man on here how his crazy ex wife was in the beginning and he'll tell you she was picture perfect.


I do realize that instant chemistry usually leads to a train wreck, that really isnt what makes the click for me. If I find myself in the company of a man who I do not wish to move closer to or reach out and touch, then thats it, I wont want to see him again. I HAVE learned that the kind of chemistry that makes me want to shove my tongue down his throat on the first date is not only rare, but dangerous!  I dont expect a perfect man, either, that can never be good!


----------



## Pictureless

it's gonna be long a 1-2 years. I'm going to develop a very firm handshake though


----------



## Pictureless

Still better than being Scrooge's doormat!


----------



## Dollystanford

Jellybeans said:


> I like your style, Dolly.


As long as they stop you from drunk texting amiright?


----------



## Another Planet

Pictureless said:


> it's gonna be long a 1-2 years. I'm going to develop a very firm handshake though


Yeah recently divorced here also and Nsweet is trying to convince of this too. Needless to say I am not happy about it lol


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Yeah recently divorced here also and Nsweet is trying to convince of this too. Needless to say I am not happy about it lol


It works, that's why I'm telling you. Do you know how many crazy chicks I was attracted to that I made myself stay away from? Dozens. 20 months into a women-free single post-divorced life and I don't want those types anymore. In fact I find the boring normal girls I passed up hotter than ever. 

I'll take the quiet nerdy girl in the sweater over the tattoo'd and pierced emo sl*t anyday. *sigh* Ok I still miss them sometimes.

There's just something about crazy sex with crazy girls. It's like crack cocaine with low inhibitions and daddy issues.


----------



## Pictureless

Nsweet said:


> There's just something about crazy sex with crazy girls. It's like crack cocaine with low inhibitions and daddy issues.


We have names for women like that around here. They're called strippers.


----------



## Pictureless

Another Planet said:


> Yeah recently divorced here also and Nsweet is trying to convince of this too. Needless to say I am not happy about it lol


Lol. I would have replied sooner but it's not easy typing with one hand :lol:


----------



## Nsweet

Pictureless said:


> We have names for women like that around here. They're called strippers.


Yeah, you know how they say you should "never meet your heroes"? The same goes for sleeping with strippers. 

They're just a lot more depressing IRL. The couple I've been with went from sexy sirens to.... I could just tell they were either raped or molested at an early age. They had a lot of sadness about them. And there's just nothing right about sleeping with a woman who's on the verge of breaking down.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pictureless said:


> Lol. I would have replied sooner but it's not easy typing with one hand :lol:


Hmmmmm.........

*mind meets gutter*


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> It works, that's why I'm telling you. Do you know how many crazy chicks I was attracted to that I made myself stay away from? Dozens. 20 months into a women-free single post-divorced life and I don't want those types anymore. In fact I find the boring normal girls I passed up hotter than ever.
> 
> *I'll take the quiet nerdy girl in the sweater over the tattoo'd and pierced emo sl*t anyday. **sigh* Ok I still miss them sometimes.
> 
> There's just something about crazy sex with crazy girls. It's like crack cocaine with low inhibitions and daddy issues.


Hey, I'm a nerdy girl in a sweater with tattoos! What you gonna do with ME?? :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey, I'm a nerdy girl in a sweater with tattoos! What you gonna do with ME?? :rofl:


What do you want me to do with you?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> What do you want me to do with you?


:moon::whip:


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> :moon::whip:


So you're into being spanked? OK..... This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you, you're a naughty girl and you deserve to be punished, I'm gonna give you something to cry about.:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> So you're into being spanked? OK..... This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you, you're a naughty girl and you deserve to be punished, I'm gonna give you something to cry about.:rofl:


:lol: :rofl:

I needed a laugh, thanks!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> :lol: :rofl:
> 
> I needed a laugh, thanks!


I don't know what you're laughing at, I was serious. I have actually put my (now) ex wife over my knees and said these things as I spanked her. Yeah!:smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Anyone know what happened to bullwinkles thread in GTDS?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Sorry, didn't realize I was interrupting a spanking in progress. Carry on..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## Lon

Group spanking? Yay!


----------



## Lon

First we all take turns spanking 3x!


----------



## Another Planet

Not going to lie but I'm in as long as we include a little hair pulling and neck biting!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Ok u are next after 3X


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> First we all take turns spanking 3x!





Another Planet said:


> Not going to lie but I'm in as long as we include a little hair pulling and neck biting!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:woohoo::woohoo:


----------



## Another Planet

To Lon...
Wait wait wait! Thats not what I meant! lol


----------



## Nsweet

If she's gonna it spanked and have her hair pulled, why not finish her off with cunnilingus too. 

Screw it, finish the fantasy!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> If she's gonna it spanked and have her hair pulled, why not finish her off with cunnilingus too.
> 
> Screw it, finish the fantasy!


Is that it? Boring!


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmmm hair pulled while getting it doggy style and spanked....HARD!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmmm hair pulled while getting it doggy style and spanked....HARD!


:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

I can't wait to find a hat that fits so I can get some instead of talking about it on a forum on a Friday night....ha


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I can't wait to find a hat that fits so I can get some instead of talking about it on a forum on a Friday night....ha


OMG, right??? Sheesh.


----------



## Another Planet

Woah this is...yeah I think I am going to go shovel my walk to cool off. :/


----------



## Lon

If i were to comment any more I'd have to change my sig. You guys don't know where to draw the lines! (Hehe, awesome)


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmmm hair pulled while getting it doggy style and spanked....HARD!


While getting your deep spot stroked. 

What else? 

REACH AROUND!:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

I think I'm gonna go say hi to my vibrator....

 

Wine and sex talk don't mix HA


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> If i were to comment any more I'd have to change my sig. You guys don't know where to draw the lines! (Hehe, awesome)


No, no I don't know where to draw the lines....part of my problem so they say


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I can't wait to find a hat that fits so I can get some instead of talking about it on a forum on a Friday night....ha


Tell me about it. Last times I did these things with a ONS she was my wife a week later. A tongue ring, very sizable man, and a bottle of massage oil, are a dangerous combination.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> No, no I don't know where to draw the lines....part of my problem so they say


I don't either when it comes to sex...one of my problems 

WE ALL GOT ISSUES


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Well, I had a source of sex and blew it by asking for a commitment! LOL!!


----------



## angelpixie

Holy crap! It turned into Frisky Friday in here all of a sudden.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I think I'm gonna go say hi to my vibrator....
> 
> 
> 
> Wine and sex talk don't mix HA


Too bad I didn't share with you some of the erotica I've been working on. I write that stuff in my spare time to keep the ability to create those fantasies sharp. It really does help out in the dating world. 

Would you like to know what I'm working on now?


----------



## vi_bride04

Started watching the series Californication.....some of these sex scenes, damn 

I am enjoying the storyline though. Showtime has some good series IMO. 

Anyways, wine and sex posts and sex scenes only add up to frustration


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Started watching the series Californication.....some of these sex scenes, damn
> 
> I am enjoying the storyline though. Showtime has some good series IMO.
> 
> Anyways, wine and sex posts and sex scenes only add up to frustration


Hey, why fight it? You're already drunk and horny, and with a little imagination that woman in the sex scene could be you. Know what I'm sayin?:smthumbup:

It's not as frustrating to me. Lets just say Mr. Happy tired from lifting weights today, and will be out of commission until tomorrow.:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

I couldn't sleep. Found this and couldn't resist posting. 









:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> I couldn't sleep. Found this and couldn't resist posting.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


And this, of course, is part of the reason for hair pulling... It encourages the proper technique when you're in this position.


----------



## vi_bride04

Glad to see I keep proper form...lol


----------



## unsure78

oooo date with SA today... reading all this thread from last night is putting me in the mood... lol he may be getting lucky earlier than anticipated...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless

Just reading the last few pages on this thread and looking at some of the TAM profiles...

Ladies, what insane jerks would cheat/divorce/hurt you on purpose?

You're smart, witty, funny, have playful attitudes towards sex, are good looking (those with photos)....It doesn't make sense. 

Screw them! Their loss is the men of TAM's gain!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Pictureless said:


> Just reading the last few pages on this thread and looking at some of the TAM profiles...
> 
> Ladies, what insane jerks would cheat/divorce/hurt you on purpose?
> 
> You're smart, witty, funny, have playful attitudes towards sex, are good looking (those with photos)....It doesn't make sense.
> 
> Screw them! Their loss is the men of TAM's gain!


Indeed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

Nsweet said:


> It works, that's why I'm telling you. Do you know how many crazy chicks I was attracted to that I made myself stay away from? Dozens. 20 months into a women-free single post-divorced life and I don't want those types anymore. In fact I find the boring normal girls I passed up hotter than ever.
> 
> I'll take the quiet nerdy girl in the sweater over the tattoo'd and pierced emo sl*t anyday. *sigh* Ok I still miss them sometimes.
> 
> There's just something about crazy sex with crazy girls. It's like crack cocaine with low inhibitions and daddy issues.


Hey man - I haven't made it through all this thread yet. Is it your suggestion to stay away from dating/relationships for a certain time after divorcing? Or what's your philosophy?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pictureless said:


> Ladies, what insane jerks would cheat/divorce/hurt you on purpose?


Guys who don't have a clue


----------



## angelpixie

Pictureless said:


> Just reading the last few pages on this thread and looking at some of the TAM profiles...
> 
> Ladies, what insane jerks would cheat/divorce/hurt you on purpose?


Guys who were inadvertently doing us a gigantic favor, that's who.  Those of us who honestly look back at our relationships, and who we were in them, see that we had a lot to learn and heal. And once we've done that... well, then the men of TAM (and elsewhere) had better watch out, cuz we know what we want, and we're not taking any sh!t anymore.


----------



## angelpixie

And yet another thing to consider:


----------



## Nsweet

Healer said:


> Hey man - I haven't made it through all this thread yet. Is it your suggestion to stay away from dating/relationships for a certain time after divorcing? Or what's your philosophy?


That's exactly what I'm saying. You have to at least give it a full year take that time to focus on getting your life back together rather than looking for someone to full the hole your ex left. 

And you know, there that thing where when you're looking and single nobody wants you, but when you have a life and don't necessarily want to date anybody..... It's like single women just appear out of nowhere and want to meet you. 

It's like you go from "Damn it! Why isn't any of this working!? Where are all the good women that can heal me?" to..... "Why yes, this is a puppy, box of chocolates, and acoustic guitar. We are on our way to sing to sick children. Would you like to pet him, try one, and hear me play?" Ding, ding, ding, ding, JACKPOT! I'm joking, but you get my point.


----------



## Dollystanford

Definitely don't want someone to fill that hole for a good few months


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Definitely don't want someone to fill that hole for a good few months


Yeah, let the friction burn heal first.:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

And we slid right into Salacious Saturday...


----------



## Nsweet

Guess what tomorrow is..... 

Sodomy Sunday.


----------



## angelpixie

That's rather sacrilegious, isn't it?


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> That's rather sacrilegious, isn't it?


Only if you do it in church.


----------



## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> That's rather sacrilegious, isn't it?





Nsweet said:


> Only if you do it in church.


----------



## Nsweet

Lightning bolt, lightning bolt!


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## Healer

Nsweet said:


> Guess what tomorrow is.....
> 
> Sodomy Sunday.


Which leaves Masturbation Monday - another reason to love Mondays.


----------



## unsure78

ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Healer said:


> Which leaves Masturbation Monday - another reason to love Mondays.


For most of us, unless you've got a new hat... Then it becomes Missionary Monday. 

Which follows with the battery operated Toy Tuesdays, oily Wet Wednesdays, ladies night on Thursdays, Freaky Fridays, and back again to the facesitting Sit-On-It Saturdays.:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Or, for some of us

e.) None of the above


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Or, for some of us
> 
> e.) None of the above


Hey AP! Just popped in as I saw you had just posted. 

E) looks like a contender here as well.

Leaving in a few minutes with a dinner date who goes to my church. However, I'm getting the feeling like there is some hellacious backstory lurking in the wings. In your mid-40s, I'm a bit more lenient but I will let you know ho this turns out.

Hope you are well!


----------



## soca70

soca70 said:


> I will let you know ho this turns out.
> 
> !


Ho would be the best case scenario at this point!!!!


----------



## Pictureless

Richard, what's your favorite baseball team? The YANKees


----------



## unsure78

bored... waiting...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Pictureless said:


> Richard, what's your favorite baseball team? The YANKees


i loved that movie...fat guy in a little coat
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> i loved that movie...fat guy in a little coat
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Chris Farley movies? Loved him! 

God, I would have loved to have seen a Matt Foley movie. The motivational speaker who always gets way too psyched up, gives horrible advice, and ruins your coffee table.:rofl:


----------



## Pictureless

Well what have we got here? A divorced guy? Well la-di-friggin-dah!


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> Ho would be the best case scenario at this point!!!!


Ha! I was going to comment on your Freudian slip! :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Pictureless said:


> Well what have we got here? A divorced guy? Well la-di-friggin-dah!


----------



## Pictureless

Hey I've been dumped and replaced but I don't live in a van down by the river


----------



## Pictureless

But you told me you'd eat whale blubber


----------



## Nsweet

Pictureless said:


> Hey I've been dumped and replaced but I don't live in a van down by the river


Same here. But I divorced a cheating headache of a wife, and found.... Ok, I don't know how to finish that but I'm certainly better off without a fat BPD cheating wife.

And I would love to live in a van down by the river if it meant I could start a business on my time.


----------



## Pictureless

I'm so excited that it's Saturday night!


----------



## Nsweet

That sounds about right!


----------



## Nsweet

I think it would be more like a laptop with wifi connection, a fleshlight modeled after a porn star's p*ssy, some sort of mood stabilizer or anti anxiety med, and book on grieving and loss.


----------



## vi_bride04

At the casino with sis...her bf is,playing poker, we are both out $60, he is up $100...I'm on my 5th vodka tonic and this thread is cracking me up. 

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday


----------



## Another Planet

Ugh I need to get to my PC. You guys sound like you are having fun without me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Tell me you have a set amount to stop at VI.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Tell me you have a set amount to stop at VI.


Yeah I'm not a gambler....usually $20 is my limit but I was feeling extra saucy today...ahh well...at least I got a nice buzz lol


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah I'm not a gambler....usually $20 is my limit but I was feeling extra saucy today...ahh well...at least I got a nice buzz lol


Hey, it's worth it for the free booze.:smthumbup:

Now shut up and go meet yourself some new hats.


----------



## Morgiana

Catching up on the thread....

Hair pulling and spanking are all fine and dandy, but how about a naughty swing added into the mix


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> ... a fleshlight modeled after a porn star's p*ssy...


Wouldn't you want something tighter?


----------



## angelpixie

Kapow, Enjoli!


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wouldn't you want something tighter?


I kinda wore out the that fleshlight p*ssy anyways. So I got the anal fleshlight modeled after a certain porn star. It's holding up much better, almost like it's used to it.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Hey, it's worth it for the free booze.:smthumbup:
> 
> Now shut up and go meet yourself some new hats.


Omg....so many hot guys here and at the auto show....


----------



## vi_bride04

I just won all my money back plus $17!!!


----------



## unsure78

ummm that was meh... apparently someone head wasnt in the game for tonight... so it was very quick  and im not talking about me... if this hat is going to stick around a full retraining will be in order

though maybe my perspective has become slightly off after killer...

grumble grumble unsatisfied unsure... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> ummm that was meh... apparently someone head wasnt in the game for tonight... so it was very quick  and im not talking about me... if this hat is going to stick around a full retraining will be in order
> 
> though maybe my perspective has become slightly off after killer...
> 
> grumble grumble unsatisfied unsure... :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Couldn't get it up, keep it up or just an early release?  sorry unsure....


----------



## vi_bride04

Also, just wanted to say I feel your pain and that is why I'm laying off of sex cuz no experience is WAY better than a sh!tty/mediocre experience!


----------



## Dollystanford

how can you model an anus on a porn star? surely one is very like another


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> how can you model an anus on a porn star? surely one is very like another


It's not really much of modeled piece, more just an artist's rendition and her autograph. 

And I'll have to argue with you there. Anuses are like snowflakes and irises, there's never very like another. It's one of those disgusting miracles like... Well like vaginas, so beautiful and creepy.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

you find my vagina creepy?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> you find my vagina creepy?


How should I know? I've never seen it up close.

I'm sure it's just as beautiful and British as the rest of you.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Couldn't get it up, keep it up or just an early release?  sorry unsure....


Just a 2 min man.... which.could have been ok with a quick rebound but yea that didnt happen.... but in his defense he was having a very crappy day...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Just a 2 min man.... which.could have been ok with a quick rebound but yea that didnt happen.... but in his defense he was having a very crappy day...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What if it wasn't because of stress from "having a crappy day"? 

What's your plan for next time? Numbing cream? Stay hard condoms? C*ck ring? Maybe finish him off first and see if he lasts longer for round two. 

Interesting thing about that last part too. Men last longer after they pop off at least once. But women orgasm progressively faster after they've been taken care of. So you could have him help you get yours a couple times, and maybe one of those methods might make him last 10 or 20 minutes if you're lucky.


----------



## Horizon

Good God what have I stumbled across here? I was just looking for a fem to chat with. Oh right, this is chat. Hello Fems!


----------



## Dollystanford

I think NSweet's a dude


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I think NSweet's a dude


Oh how I wish that were true.


----------



## Pictureless

unsure78 said:


> Just a 2 min man.... which.could have been ok with a quick rebound but yea that didnt happen.... but in his defense he was having a very crappy day...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could be any number of reasons why including a few concerning you. If you like and respect him at all be gentle, kind and patient.

Stay positive. Accept it as a compliment. Maybe he finds you so smoking hot that he just exploded with excitement. Now can you blame the poor guy for that?


----------



## Healer

Nsweet said:


> I think it would be more like a laptop with wifi connection, a fleshlight modeled after a porn star's p*ssy, some sort of mood stabilizer or anti anxiety med, and book on grieving and loss.


Modernized D-kit. Fleshlight, huh...pricey? Maybe new underwear can wait - I can get another 8 or so months out of these before they disintegrate.


----------



## Pictureless

Healer said:


> Modernized D-kit. Fleshlight, huh...pricey? Maybe new underwear can wait - I can get another 8 or so months out of these before they disintegrate.


Lol. By that time they will get up and walk away by them self.

And how they heck can a plastic tube pass for a woman? The chicks got it easy, at least their sex toys work.


----------



## Healer

unsure78 said:


> Just a 2 min man.... which.could have been ok with a quick rebound but yea that didnt happen.... but in his defense he was having a very crappy day...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How many times have you done it? I know for me, it takes a few times with a woman before I'm comfortable enough to "perform"...I have the opposite problem. If I'm nervous or anxious I can't get wood. Fortunately the gal I'm sort of seeing was patient and relaxed me. If I'm stressed sometimes I don't pop. She doesn't seem to mind as I can go for a long run.

Be easy on him if you like him. Penis's have their own brain, and sometimes they don't do what the other brain wants them to do. If you make him feel bad about it it will get worse, not better.


----------



## Healer

That's probably another good reason to avoid dating/sex until you're mentally and emotionally prepared. I slept with a woman a month after dday...it was not good sex, I rushed her into bed, then I bailed because my WW and I attempted to reconcile. That lasted 10 weeks and I called it. I've dated women since. One was this super hot but fairly materialistic/vacuous Russian. I could not get it up AT ALL for her and she dumped me for it. My body was telling me she was no good for me.

The other 2 I was slow to get going but they were laid back about it and then things were good. I still think too much sometimes though and I don't enjoy myself like I should...I don't lose myself in the moment. I need to work on that. I'm still damaged from the betrayal I suppose. The most amazing, porn star sex I had was when the ex and I were hysterical bonding for those 10 weeks. I'll need to have a real connection with a woman to achieve that again, and I'm not capable of that right now. I'm totally emotionally shut off. I can't fathom having real feelings for a woman right now...even though I do want to.

Sorry to get all heavy! I guess I'm still ****ed up.


----------



## Pictureless

Healer said:


> That's probably another good reason to avoid dating/sex until you're mentally and emotionally prepared. I slept with a woman a month after dday...it was not good sex, I rushed her into bed, then I bailed because my WW and I attempted to reconcile. That lasted 10 weeks and I called it. I've dated women since. One was this super hot but fairly materialistic/vacuous Russian. I could not get it up AT ALL for her and she dumped me for it. My body was telling me she was no good for me.
> 
> The other 2 I was slow to get going but they were laid back about it and then things were good. I still think too much sometimes though and I don't enjoy myself like I should...I don't lose myself in the moment. I need to work on that. I'm still damaged from the betrayal I suppose. The most amazing, porn star sex I had was when the ex and I were hysterical bonding for those 10 weeks. I'll need to have a real connection with a woman to achieve that again, and I'm not capable of that right now. I'm totally emotionally shut off. I can't fathom having real feelings for a woman right now...even though I do want to.
> 
> Sorry to get all heavy! I guess I'm still ****ed up.


I wish I had your problems. How long have you been separated/divorced? You must have it going on if you are already attracting so many women.

Stop thinking. Start living. Call up one of your new friends and have some guilt free fun. Give her an alpha male pounding. Wear a ribbed condom inside out for your pleasure.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, I'm currently happy with my semi-FWB


----------



## unsure78

it was our first time together been dating a month.. .yes i will go easy on him.... i have no plan for next time nsweet, ill just see how it goes.... 

hes the one who was all slobbery kisser the first time then improved greatly the second time, so maybe this is true for other things as well...

and yes pictureless i am smoking hot... btw
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> it was our first time together been dating a month.. .yes i will go easy on him.... i have no plan for next time nsweet, ill just see how it goes....
> 
> hes the one who was all slobbery kisser the first time then improved greatly the second time, so maybe this is true for other things as well...
> 
> and yes pictureless i am smoking hot... btw
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It probably will be "better". However, this is exactly why I wait in a relationship. Sex is so EMOTIONAL. When the focus is about the experience to touching, kissing, and just enjoying the other person...........things take a LOT longer and the experience is so much more rewarding. Literally, I think the shortest between me and gf has been about 12 minutes---and that was because of a time constraint! lol


----------



## jpr

Sometimes those quickies are kind of nice. 

....but, yeah. That is a disappointing. It takes time, sometimes, though.


Maybe I am weird, but I am not much of a fan of marathon sessions. ...they are okay sometimes. But, to me, there is a happy-medium there.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It probably will be "better". However, this is exactly why I wait in a relationship. Sex is so EMOTIONAL. When the focus is about the experience to touching, kissing, and just enjoying the other person...........things take a LOT longer and the experience is so much more rewarding. Literally, I think the shortest between me and gf has been about 12 minutes---and that was because of a time constraint! lol


he did have some other things on his mind... it wasnt terrible just meh... and again i think i now have a somewhat off perspective because of what i experienced with killer right out of the gate.... this experience with SA is much closer to my first experiances with the engy and that turned out to be great with time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> he did have some other things on his mind... it wasnt terrible just meh... and again i think i now have a somewhat off perspective because of what i experienced with killer right out of the gate.... this experience with SA is much closer to my first experiances with the engy and that turned out to be great with time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, killer had the alpha male thing going......confidence is a big deal.


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know if nsweet put some mind juju on me or something but I am now so uninterested in a relationship its no even funny. I mean I still want one but then again I really don't want one at the same time. 

I posted 2 ad's on FB, one for a nanny and one for an office person...that is and continues to be ridiculous.....
One of the girls stands out, she was always kind of in the background. She's young but an old spirit. 
I'm just going to do my thing and if someone happens it will. I'm not in any hurry. Everyone says dating should be work, relationships are work...they shouldn't be this much freakn work!? Its not meant to be yet for me, or this play isn't in my cards not this hand anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> and yes pictureless i am smoking hot... btw


...and with a great rack, if I must say. 

You probably excited him so much that he went fast. 



Dedicated2Her said:


> It probably will be "better". However, this is exactly why I wait in a relationship. Sex is so EMOTIONAL.


Emotional sex is THE best. There is nothing in the world that compares to getting naked and sexy with someone you really care about. It elevates the experience to an entirely different level. Cosmic. Magical. Lovely.



jpr said:


> Maybe I am weird, but I am not much of a fan of marathon sessions. ...they are okay sometimes. But, to me, there is a happy-medium there.


Agreed. Me, too.


----------



## Nsweet

Don't forget Unsure's great ass either. 

That girls got the whole MILF package going on!


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Don't forget Unsure's great ass either.
> 
> That girls got the whole MILF package going on!


lol nsweet... you havent even seen it, i could totaly be lying...

lol though i did get told this morning that my body a rated 10+ and compared me to an underware model... but ya know boys say all sorts of things thats arent always quite true 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Well I hope next time it's a lot better, unsure.  hope he's not premie lol


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Well I hope next time it's a lot better, unsure.  hope he's not premie lol


i dont think he ia actually but we will see next time... how was your night?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Jellybeans said:


> Emotional sex is THE best. There is nothing in the world that compares to getting naked and sexy with someone you really care about. It elevates the experience to an entirely different level. Cosmic. Magical. Lovely.
> 
> 
> 
> .


*sigh*

I miss my hat.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I don't know if nsweet put some mind juju on me or something but I am now so uninterested in a relationship its no even funny. I mean I still want one but then again I really don't want one at the same time.
> 
> I posted 2 ad's on FB, one for a nanny and one for an office person...that is and continues to be ridiculous.....
> One of the girls stands out, she was always kind of in the background. She's young but an old spirit.
> I'm just going to do my thing and if someone happens it will. I'm not in any hurry. Everyone says dating should be work, relationships are work...they shouldn't be this much freakn work!? Its not meant to be yet for me, or this play isn't in my cards not this hand anyway.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No mind juju. I just got you to think about why you were wanting to date again so badly, and then turn that focus onto other projects for the time being while you heal. 

That's not juju, it's basic psychology. I could have just as easily gotten you to remember some past regret in great detail and then turned focus on that event into some motivational speech to get you really psyched up to start dating, lose weight, or quit smoking..... Or slept with you.:rofl:

That's the kind sh!t I'm good at. Ever since I can remember I've been able to talk to people and have them comfortable enough around me to talk about their deepest issues. I'm talking I once had a bully tell me about being molested by his father, countless gays and lesbians just come out to me, and many women tell me exactly what was bothering them... or else I could get it out of them swiftly. 

With just a little practice and some heavy reading I've been able to get people do to what they really wanted to do but are somehow keeping themselves from doing. I have to be careful too. I don't ever give all or nothing advice or get too sucked in to their story. I have to work with them with the goal goal of both of us seeing things somewhat the same.

You should see how this works on dating.:smthumbup: That girl at the bar didn't want to at first, but the booze, fatigue, and the "talk" changed her mind. There's just something about connecting with a woman and making her feel really good, without trying to sleep with her, that will have her jump you.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> lol nsweet... you havent even seen it, i could totaly be lying...
> 
> lol though i did get told this morning that my body a rated 10+ and compared me to an underware model... but ya know boys say all sorts of things thats arent always quite true
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No offense Unsure, but you don't know who you're talking to....

I am an ass man.... I am a man. I like asses. I can be an ass at times. I am an ass and I like lady's asses. I offend women by not liking their boobs, because I am an ass man and I only like asses. I don't care if you've got A cups or DDs, I just like that ass. 

And I know when a woman has a great ass without ever seeing it. Just looking at the rest of you I know the shape, size, and how soft it is. It's a grade A ass. The type of ass where you see it and you're like "Damn! That is a great ass."

You know who else I bet has a nice ass? Dolly. Something tells me she's got a nice British bum.:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> No offense Unsure, but you don't know who you're talking to....
> 
> I am an ass man.... I am a man. I like asses. I can be an ass at times. I am an ass and I like lady's asses. I offend women by not liking their boobs, because I am an ass man and I only like asses. I don't care if you've got A cups or DDs, I just like that ass.
> 
> And I know when a woman has a great ass without ever seeing it. Just looking at the rest of you I know the shape, size, and how soft it is. It's a grade A ass. The type of ass where you see it and you're like "Damn! That is a great ass."
> 
> You know who else I bet has a nice ass? Dolly. Something tells me she's got a nice British bum.:smthumbup:


I have seen dolly ass (and she has seen mine) i can vouch for her ass greatness....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

It is a well known fact that Dolly and Unsure both have great asses.

...and Angelpixie has magnificent norks.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> It is a well known fact that Dolly and Unsure both have great asses.
> 
> ...and Angelpixie has magnificent norks.


hahah i forgot about norks!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

You know what I just realized. All of the problems from divorced would be solved if you could just cut your ex's affair partner in half. Half of what they have is legally yours, right? 

I'll take take the bottom half, you can have the top half, we'll have medical science save them, and you can live with their complaints and a sexually unfulfilling relationship for as long as I did.:rofl:

:FIREdevil:


----------



## Pictureless

Nsweet,

My STBXW can have all of the POSOM with my blessing. Hope she makes him as happy as she has made all THREE of her XH's.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pictureless said:


> Nsweet,
> 
> My STBXW can have all of the POSOM with my blessing. Hope she makes him as happy as she has made all THREE of her XH's.


So you are going to be the 4th?


----------



## Pictureless

vi_bride04 said:


> So you are going to be the 4th?


No I'm number 3.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pictureless said:


> No I'm number 3.


Ooooh so the next one will be #4 then 

My ex is on #3. 

I don't even think I want to get married a second time. Lol


----------



## Nsweet

Pictureless said:


> Nsweet,
> 
> My STBXW can have all of the POSOM with my blessing. Hope she makes him as happy as she has made all THREE of her XH's.


It was just a joke. Did you like it?

My ex wife can have her pos emo loser of an OM. Matter of fact I hope she has lots and lots of babies with him. I hope she has five or more kids and stays poor, fat, and full of herself, with a loser for a husband forever... or for as long as he's willing to put up with her crazy. 

I tried to warn him too! Now I'm just laughing my ass off at his public facebook profile. That thing reads like a POWs diary in broken English. She's the love of his live on one post, next one he's depressed, very next one he's getting a tattoo for her, then he's had enough but can't go anywhere.:rofl: It's like seeing a remake of a horror movie with a different actor, but this guy is a real idiot. I mean he is stupider than stupid and married a cheater, probably working hard on getting her pregnant too.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Ooooh so the next one will be #4 then
> 
> My ex is on #3.
> 
> I don't even think I want to get married a second time. Lol


That sounds about right. Cheaters only get better at lying and manipulating from relationship to relationship. He'll probably hit double digits before some scorned woman kills him.

That's a good attitude to have too. Make him work for it!:smthumbup:


----------



## Pictureless

vi_bride04 said:


> Ooooh so the next one will be #4 then
> 
> My ex is on #3.
> 
> I don't even think I want to get married a second time. Lol


IF I marry again it will be #2. Maybe our X's can hook-up. With all of their baggage and six X's :rofl:


----------



## Pictureless

Nsweet said:


> It was just a joke. Did you like it?
> 
> My ex wife can have her pos emo loser of an OM. Matter of fact I hope she has lots and lots of babies with him. I hope she has five or more kids and stays poor, fat, and full of herself, with a loser for a husband forever... or for as long as he's willing to put up with her crazy.
> 
> I tried to warn him too! Now I'm just laughing my ass off at his public facebook profile. That thing reads like a POWs diary in broken English. She's the love of his live on one post, next one he's depressed, very next one he's getting a tattoo for her, then he's had enough but can't go anywhere.:rofl: It's like seeing a remake of a horror movie with a different actor, but this guy is a real idiot. I mean he is stupider than stupid and married a cheater, probably working hard on getting her pregnant too.


Ya, I liked it.

She sounds like a dandy. You sound consumed with grief!


----------



## Nsweet

Pictureless said:


> You sound consumed with grief!


More than you will ever know, but the ex wife has less than 10% to do with it. More family, financial, and life worries.... But I can still smile and laugh a lot of things.


----------



## Dollystanford

She's just like Liz Taylor!
Just without the wealth, beauty and fame


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> She's just like Liz Taylor!
> Just without the wealth, beauty and fame


Liz Taylor?... Young or old?


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't even think I want to get married a second time. Lol


Preach, woman!

:iagree:


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> Liz Taylor?... Young or old?


Richard Burton phase rather than Michael Jackson phase


----------



## Pictureless

Dollystanford said:


> Richard Burton phase rather than Michael Jackson phase


Oh that was a creepy phase :lol:


----------



## unsure78

white diamonds.... that was a terrible commercial
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Richard Burton phase rather than Michael Jackson phase


Ok, so very pretty. But in love with a man you somewhat described as Aleister Crowley.


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## jpr

"These always brought me luck."

....reminds me of someone.


----------



## unsure78

this thread is amusing and quite meandering today...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Hahahaah. Ads for Vegas just popped up on my screen.

It is like the internet can read my mind.


Spookey.


----------



## Another Planet

angelpixie said:


>


 
Not like you knew but why did you guys have to post that pic...I always thought my exwife looks like Liz...


----------



## Nsweet

I think Mablenc looks like her.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah I don't really care I was just being dramatic!  Did I miss anything epic?


----------



## vi_bride04

Had a good weekend with myself. Took myself shopping on Friday, good time in Detroit yesterday, and then my gf made a roast dinner and invited me over today. 

Now I'm catching up on Grimm while the dogs chew on some gross dehydrated cow parts I got from the petstore


----------



## Nsweet

Don't forget the sex. You also got laid... by yourself.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Finally, my crappy week is ending. Between having my heart broken by two people within two days, a date cancelling on me today, and being on call for my job all week, I have been in a less than stellar state of mind. You know, I was doing JUST FINE until I decided it was time for me to start dating!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Don't forget the sex. You also got laid... by yourself.


LOL no - due to a monthly visitor that did not happen (TMI??)






3Xnocharm said:


> Finally, my crappy week is ending. Between having my heart broken by two people within two days, a date cancelling on me today, and being on call for my job all week, I have been in a less than stellar state of mind. You know, I was doing JUST FINE until I decided it was time for me to start dating!


Looks like you need to back off from dating for a bit maybe. Especially if your emotions are kinda all over the place at the moment. Give yourself a few weeks and see how you feel.


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> Finally, my crappy week is ending. Between having my heart broken by two people within two days, a date cancelling on me today, and being on call for my job all week, I have been in a less than stellar state of mind. You know, I was doing JUST FINE until I decided it was time for me to start dating!


Sorry to hear.


----------



## vi_bride04

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## Nsweet

Don't you think you're playing this one a little hard and fast 3Xnocharm? 

I can see you're really trying to get your love life off the ground and start dating again. I give you bonus points for being miles ahead of others. But you've got no start-up plan, no investments. 

Where are your friends now? Where are guys you're "just friends" with that help you meet other guys or take you out on platonic dates themselves. If you put all your hopes into just a few guys, and try to make it work with them you're going to be very disappointed when things don't work out. 

This is why you want to go out there looking to make friends. The ones you click with can be more, but you'll still have those good guy friends to fall back on. I call these "investments" because you slowly build on that friendship over time, and you get back much more than you put in. These could be the guys you talk about your bad dates with, or bowling partners. You're "just friends" to each other but you never care because you're having fun.

It's like how before I met my wife I met a girl on a dating site named Jennifer who was old enough to be my big sister. We never clicked romantically or anything, but we ended up calling and texting each other all the time. Freakin besties. And what we would mostly talk about was these bad first dates. We would talk about these members we were interested in and everything. She was fun.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> LOL no - due to a monthly visitor that did not happen (TMI??)


Not at all.:rofl:

I'll be there in 20 minutes with chocolate cake, red wine, and sad movies.:smthumbup: 

Death by chocolate ice cream cake sound good?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Where are your friends now? Where are guys you're "just friends" with that help you meet other guys or take you out on platonic dates themselves. If you put all your hopes into just a few guys, and try to make it work with them you're going to be very disappointed when things don't work out.


I do have an ex bf who I am friends with, and we do hang out sometimes. We are there for each other through the dating BS and other stuff. I have plenty of platonic guy friends to talk with, not so many to go out with. 

This is all so fvcked up new for me, because I never had to go through the "dating" process in my past...I would meet someone, instant sparks, they fell for me, and that was it!  This sh!t SUCKS!!! I do appreciate the advice.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> I do have an ex bf who I am friends with, and we do hang out sometimes. We are there for each other through the dating BS and other stuff. I have plenty of platonic guy friends to talk with, not so many to go out with.
> 
> This is all so fvcked up new for me, because I never had to go through the "dating" process in my past...I would meet someone, instant sparks, they fell for me, and that was it!  This sh!t SUCKS!!! I do appreciate the advice.


Thanks for not taking it the wrong way.:smthumbup:

*I don't always say everything clearly, but my intentions are always to be honest and kind.* If you or anyone else ever takes offense please PM me. I can be a bit c*cky sometimes but I'm not really douche bag that would try to hurt your feelings.

Lol, last time I used the word "Investments" to refer to dating, I was trolled by a woman who use the word in every paragraph and took everything the wrong way until and a couple posters set her right. Then she did the whole crybaby "I'm never coming back!" thing. Trolls are funny.:rofl:


----------



## Pictureless

3Xnocharm said:


> Finally, my crappy week is ending. Between having my heart broken by two people within two days, a date cancelling on me today, and being on call for my job all week, I have been in a less than stellar state of mind. You know, I was doing JUST FINE until I decided it was time for me to start dating!


Oh stop. I saw your photo. If your personality and nature is as good as your looks YOU will be the one breaking hearts: the heart's of men who can't have you!

Just be gentle when you reject them. We know how it feels.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Don't you think you're playing this one a little hard and fast 3Xnocharm?
> 
> I can see you're really trying to get your love life off the ground and start dating again. I give you bonus points for being miles ahead of others. But you've got no start-up plan, no investments.
> 
> Where are your friends now? Where are guys you're "just friends" with that help you meet other guys or take you out on platonic dates themselves. If you put all your hopes into just a few guys, and try to make it work with them you're going to be very disappointed when things don't work out.
> 
> This is why you want to go out there looking to make friends. The ones you click with can be more, but you'll still have those good guy friends to fall back on. I call these "investments" because you slowly build on that friendship over time, and you get back much more than you put in. These could be the guys you talk about your bad dates with, or bowling partners. You're "just friends" to each other but you never care because you're having fun.
> 
> It's like how before I met my wife I met a girl on a dating site named Jennifer who was old enough to be my big sister. We never clicked romantically or anything, but we ended up calling and texting each other all the time. Freakin besties. And what we would mostly talk about was these bad first dates. We would talk about these members we were interested in and everything. She was fun.



actually i think this is fair advice nsweet... i was in the same situation as 3x where the first guy i would date would become serious... all this dating around has been very different for me... i have picked up several guy friends along the dating way now (as i more easily make friends with guys than girls) and have found it to be a good thing... even this friday on my non-date date we figured we should get together again if both of us have nothing going on.. something to distract myself with if im bored...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> *I don't always say everything clearly, but my intentions are always to be honest and kind.* If you or anyone else ever takes offense please PM me. I can be a bit c*cky sometimes but I'm not really douche bag that would try to hurt your feelings.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pictureless said:


> Oh stop. I saw your photo. If your personality and nature is as good as your looks YOU will be the one breaking hearts: the heart's of men who can't have you!
> 
> Just be gentle when you reject them. We know how it feels.


Thank you Pic!


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## Another Planet

OMG Vi you have no idea!!!


----------



## unsure78

*sigh* i need to get laid, and laid well... hopefully tonight *fingers crossed*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Get some for meeeeeeeeeee!


----------



## unsure78

sex please... sa may come over tonight...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Stop it! Stop it! You're making jealous.

Unsure, young lady... Are you planning to share with the rest of the class?


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Stop it! Stop it! You're making jealous.
> 
> Unsure, young lady... Are you planning to share with the rest of the class?


hahahhahaha...

this poor guy has no idea of the beast he has unleashed...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I can promise you guys that when I finally get mine, I will not be sharing. 



I need to go on a sex bender and have it all weekend-long. Hee hee.



unsure78 said:


> hahahhahaha...
> 
> this poor guy has no idea of the beast he has unleashed...


Haha. That is how my victim is going to feel/be. Thumbs up!


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> *sigh* i need to get laid, and laid well... hopefully tonight *fingers crossed*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So how many attempts are you going to give before deciding if you 2 are sexually compatible?

Does anyone have a number before deciding if someone will work in the sack or not? Do you just "keep trying" or just call it quits?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I can promise you guys that when I finally get mine, I will not be sharing.
> 
> 
> 
> I need to go on a sex bender and have it all weekend-long. Hee hee.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. That is how my victim is going to feel/be. Thumbs up!


sex bender sounds soooooo good right now.. im trying to contain myself with SA right now so i dont sound desperate...so im posting here rather than texting him right now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I keep trying. Practice makes perfect.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> So how many attempts are you going to give before deciding if you 2 are sexually compatible?
> 
> Does anyone have a number before deciding if someone will work in the sack or not? Do you just "keep trying" or just call it quits?


Depends. Is he good at cunnilingus or not? 

All I'm saying is, if he can f*ck for sh!t or find your clitoris, he ain't no good.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> sex bender sounds soooooo good right now.. im trying to contain myself with SA right now so i dont sound desperate...so im posting here rather than texting him right now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha. I know all about that! You don't want to come across as too crazy.

It's like when I messaged Grandpa one time I really wanted to say, _"I want to sleep with you."_

But instead I asked him how his day was. Hahaha.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> So how many attempts are you going to give before deciding if you 2 are sexually compatible?
> 
> Does anyone have a number before deciding if someone will work in the sack or not? Do you just "keep trying" or just call it quits?


actually i think as long as both parties are willing to learn it can work.... sex with engy started out as meh as well its was pretty damn good at the end... killer was just extremely experienced and extremely well equipped... i doubt i will find that out of gate again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I know all about that! You don't want to come across as too crazy.
> 
> It's like when I messaged Grandpa one time I really wanted to say, _"I want to sleep with you."_
> 
> But instead I asked him how his day was. Hahaha.


haha yea exactly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless

Well I'm glad for my TAM cyber friends who are finally getting some! Hopefully I'll find a like minded partner soon for some mattress music. Mr. Fist in no way replaces a real woman.


----------



## Nsweet

Pictureless said:


> Well I'm glad for my TAM cyber friends who are finally getting some! *Hopefully I'll find a like minded partner soon for some mattress music. Mr. Fist in no way replaces a real woman.*


I feel you man. I'm about ready to give up porn all together. Masturbation too, but not PE... I'm doing too good to stop now. With my luck I'll probably get in fantastic shape, from all the exercise to kill the urge, and end up getting used by women for sex.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Depends. Is he good at cunnilingus or not?
> 
> All I'm saying is, if he can f*ck for sh!t or find your clitoris, he ain't no good.


He can be the best in the world at that, but if he can't get it up, keep it up or releases too early I ain't staying. 

I need to get a good pounding 3-5 times a month minimum with a steady sex partner.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> He can be the best in the world at that, but if he can't get it up, keep it up or releases too early I ain't staying.
> 
> I need to get a good pounding 3-5 times a month minimum with a steady sex partner.


3-5 times a month!? What are you a Mormon?:rofl:

If the sex is really good there's Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday, and Monday morning for a little something to remember you by. You know that last "push" to keep him stuck on you.

That's 4 times in one week, 3 weeks in between "the visitor", 12 times in all. Which is just about right for dating.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> actually i think as long as both parties are willing to learn it can work.... sex with engy started out as meh as well its was pretty damn good at the end... killer was just extremely experienced and extremely well equipped... i doubt i will find that out of gate again
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


NoChem and I had amazing sex, no chemistry his dying ass!  I do miss that part! Now I have to go back to that awkward first time stage with someone new!


----------



## muskrat

Howdy ya'll. Just wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone. I hope you all are doing well. Of course judging by the last few pages, more sex is needed. :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> 3-5 times a month!? What are you a Mormon?:rofl:
> 
> If the sex is really good there's Friday night, all day Saturday, all day Sunday, and Monday morning for a little something to remember you by. You know that last "push" to keep him stuck on you.
> 
> That's 4 times in one week, 3 weeks in between "the visitor", 12 times in all. Which is just about right for dating.


LOL I said minimum! And the 3-5 times I meant REALLY good sessions. Of course there is going to be more sex than that, sh!t even when my ex and I weren't getting along it was still 4 times per week. 

I don't know, my dating and casual experiences have sucked ass so 3-5 times a month of really good banging seems like a dream....lol


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Howdy ya'll. Just wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone. I hope you all are doing well. Of course judging by the last few pages,* more sex is needed.* :smthumbup:


You started an epic thread. Hope you are doing good, Muskrat!

:smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> You started an epic thread. Hope you are doing good, Muskrat!
> 
> :smthumbup:


Thanks. I really miss you all. You folks have helped me through some of my darkest hours. I need to stop by more often. :smthumbup:

A quick update if anyone cares. I am still not divorced. My ex refuses to negotiate.  I have filed for a grand master, so hopefully things start happening. I am going to court in Feb., it seems she wants more child support.  I still have 50/50 custody. 
As for my personal life. I am still dating the woman I met in Oct. 
It is a LDR thing, so that sucks. We actually get together every few weeks. Our time face to face has now turned into sexcapades. :smthumbup: I was at her house for 3 days last week. Other than getting dressed to go out for dinner, I don't think I wore clothes the whole time I was there.  In the end I doubt that relationship will last. I am just enjoying the ride for now (pun intended).
On another note, I signed up to go on a missions trip with my church in March. That should be a fun experience.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Our time face to face has now turned into sexcapades. :smthumbup: I was at her house for 3 days last week. Other than getting dressed to go out for dinner,* I don't think I wore clothes the whole time I was there. *


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Awesome! :smthumbup:

Hopefully the upcoming court proceedings will move your divorce along. You will get there! You sound great. All the best to you!


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> LOL I said minimum! And the 3-5 times I meant REALLY good sessions. Of course there is going to be more sex than that, sh!t even when my ex and I weren't getting along it was still 4 times per week.
> 
> I don't know, my dating and casual experiences have sucked ass so 3-5 times a month of really good banging seems like a dream....lol


Same here. 4-6 times a week it seemed. We did EVERYTHING too. Man I miss hearing her get even more freakin Spanish during sex. All the bilingual screaming.... That was awesome.:smthumbup:

I used to tell this joke all the time in the Navy....

*"You how you tell if you're really good at having sex? When she won't let you leave empty handed."* 

Seriously, if you really give it too her good and put in everything you've got. Make it really romantic and not just some meaningless f*ck... She will give you something to remember her by. A phone number and snack at the very least. If your extremely lucky she will give you random sh!t out of her room that she didn't really want.:rofl:

If you suck. She'll just kick you out and not really say much to you. And you know when you failed her as a man when she immediately gets up after sex and starts doing things she shouldn't. Like texting her friends about how bad it was or watching tv. 

These things are funny because they're true and they're true stories.

Oh and you know when you did your job right when she has that little smile she just can't get rid of, because she's glowing and happy and you found that elusive button that needed to be pressed.:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Howdy ya'll. Just wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone. I hope you all are doing well. Of course judging by the last few pages, more sex is needed. :smthumbup:


Rat! miss you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

dude if its good i want it like everyday.. maybe twice...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Rat! miss you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How are you darling? Are you still hat shopping or have you found one worth keeping?


JB, my offer to buy you drinks if you visit your family in my neck of the woods still stands.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> JB, my offer to buy you drinks if you visit your family in my neck of the woods still stands.


Thanks!

I can't remember where you are again. :scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> How are you darling? Are you still hat shopping or have you found one worth keeping?
> 
> 
> JB, my offer to buy you drinks if you visit your family in my neck of the woods still stands.



im doing ok... got one for now but we will see what happens... special agent hat is my current...hes very sweet. 

did you put up a pic of your LDR? i would love to see who the lucky woman is who won Rats heart
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless

How old is everyone in here? <------ mid 40's


----------



## muskrat

I added a pic to my album. I don't know if I would say she won my heart. We are just enjoying our time together (what time we get) for now.

Good luck with SA hat. :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Pictureless said:


> How old is everyone in here? <------ mid 40's



I'm 35


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I am 43.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pictureless said:


> How old is everyone in here? <------ mid 40's


33


----------



## unsure78

35
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless

vi_bride04 said:


> He can be the best in the world at that, but if he can't get it up, keep it up or releases too early I ain't staying.
> 
> I need to get a good pounding 3-5 times a month minimum with a steady sex partner.


Its called Viagra. Makes it a baseball bat. STBXW used to have to tell me to stop.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pictureless said:


> Its called Viagra. Makes it a baseball bat. STBXW used to have to tell me to stop.


Is it wrong that I don't want to date anyone that HAS to take a pill, especially someone under 40?


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, MR!! (waves) Sorry to hear that MiniMeanie is still not letting you get on with your life. How are your adorable kiddos? Glad that you've found someone to have fun with who's not crazy.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Is it wrong that I don't want to date anyone that HAS to take a pill, especially someone under 40?



No.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Is it wrong that I don't want to date anyone that HAS to take a pill, especially someone under 40?


Not at all. Knowing what you want and don't want is the key.


----------



## Jellybeans

32


----------



## Nsweet

26


----------



## Pictureless

vi_bride04 said:


> Is it wrong that I don't want to date anyone that HAS to take a pill, especially someone under 40?


No, it just means you're unsympathetic to someone else's medical disorder.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

You kids are making me feel old....


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Hey, MR!! (waves) Sorry to hear that MiniMeanie is still not letting you get on with your life. How are your adorable kiddos? Glad that you've found someone to have fun with who's not crazy.


Hey AP, how are you? You still hold a special place in my heart. I remember way back when I first came here. You stayed up talking to me many nights after everyone else went to bed. You really played a major role in me getting through those nights. :smthumbup:
My kiddos are doing great. Not that their mother is making anything easy.  My daughter had a 4 wheeler accident and broke her collar bone. My ex now wants me to sign a paper that I must get her approval before I do anything with the kids. :rofl: When my lawyer told her lawyer no way. She went and filed for an increase in child support.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> 32





Nsweet said:


> 26


You guys are sooooo young


----------



## Jellybeans

How old are you drerio?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> 33


Me too.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> How old are you drerio?


53, but unlike most of the inhabitants of this thread (feel free to kick me off _this_ island at any time), I have a beautiful 51 year old wife at home and two rug rats, 14 and 12. 

ETA: however, I still feel at times like I am in my 20s and 30s. The key, exercise and eating right.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> 26


lol i really would be a cougar for you....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Pictureless said:


> No, it just means you're unsympathetic to someone else's medical disorder.


If it occurred during an already established relationship, thats one thing and could be worked around. 

I just don't think I could start a relationship going in knowing its already an issue.


----------



## Ikaika

Let me put it to you this way, I am ok with being referred to as uncle d. In Hawai'i the uncle and aunty are used as respectful salutations, even for non related older people. 

Back few months ago when I had to get some blood drawn, I passed out and next thing I know a nurse is standing over me, "uncle, uncle, you ok". I looked up and saw a 30 something year old nurse. That was the moment, I realize I was old. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

I hang around, because I have friends here (on this thread). But, I am ok with getting voted off


----------



## unsure78

drerio said:


> I hang around, because I have friends here (on this thread). But, I am ok with getting voted off


no ones voting you off is a fun thread... its another much tamer version of the old bandit threads...lol ahhh the good old days..oh wait take that back that time in my life and a bunch of others lifes here sucked it...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> If it occurred during an already established relationship, thats one thing and could be worked around.
> 
> I just don't think I could start a relationship going in knowing its already an issue.


What if you couldn't orgasm right away and a guy dumped you for that? How would you feel?


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> 53, but unlike most of the inhabitants of this thread (feel free to kick me off _this_ island at any time), I have a beautiful 51 year old wife at home and two rug rats, 14 and 12.


Nah, we don't want to vote you off. You are a fun married addition to this thread and always offer some good insight. Uncle Drerio. LOL.


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> What if you couldn't orgasm right away and a guy dumped you for that? How would you feel?


That obviously he thought we weren't sexually compatible and needed to move on.


----------



## angelpixie

Nobody will vote you off, D. I don't want to be the oldest person here. 


Just to show how much they can stay on the pulse of American society, The Onion had this on their FB today. I had to share it here. I thought it was a pretty accurate take on the ultra-specific dating sites that are popping up. 

New Dating Website Helps Plus-Size Jewish Plane Crash Survivors Find Love | The Onion - America's Finest News Source


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> no ones voting you off is a fun thread... its another much tamer version of the old bandit threads...lol ahhh the good old days..oh wait take that back that time in my life and a bunch of others lifes here sucked it...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's true that our lives sucked back then, but boy that thread and a couple others sure helped me through mine, I have no doubt of that.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> It's true that our lives sucked back then, but boy that thread and a couple others sure helped me through mine, I have no doubt of that.


Yep..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

In all fairness, if any of you wish to follow either of my threads feel free to join and make comments:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/79257-mr-mrs-drerios-journey.html

or

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/117489-kenjis-journey.html


----------



## Jellybeans

I mainly stick the same threads but will need to venture over to yours Drerio. Your son's painting is AWESOME!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I mainly stick the same threads but will need to venture over to yours Drerio. Your son's painting is AWESOME!


I know, I have to hide it from him. He so wants to destroy it. That is just his mind and how he perceives himself and world around him. 

I may hang in my office.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> lol i really would be a cougar for you....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're not old enough. You're still a MILF.:smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> That obviously he thought we weren't sexually compatible and needed to move on.


I think the problem is that you may be missing an opportunity at real sexual chemistry because you may judge prematurely.

Since my divorce i have had issues getting it up right away, even when i was horny, with attractive women and an enthusiastic about pleasing and getting hot and heavy. It took time for me to trust and get comfortable enough and with all but one of them i eventually had no problems getting rock hard (so to speak) every time. And in my current relationship that is nearing a year it still gets better and better, I'm more sexually confident and my partner is getting better at finding out what really arouses me.

If all you need is a rock hard shaft connected to some hot dude, I'm sure there are many young guys in their 20's abound. But if you are looking for a deeper relationship it is unwise to judge the compatibility of a man based on the initial firmness of his erection.


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> I think the problem is that you may be missing an opportunity at real sexual chemistry because you may judge prematurely.
> 
> Since my divorce i have had issues getting it up right away, even when i was horny, with attractive women and an enthusiastic about pleasing and getting hot and heavy. It took time for me to trust and get comfortable enough and with all but one of them i eventually had no problems getting rock hard (so to speak) every time. And in my current relationship that is nearing a year it still gets better and better, I'm more sexually confident and my partner is getting better at finding out what really arouses me.
> 
> If all you need is a rock hard shaft connected to some hot dude, I'm sure there are many young guys in their 20's abound. But if you are looking for a deeper relationship it is unwise to judge the compatibility of a man based on the initial firmness of his erection.


It would be nice to know up front that the lack of erection was self-consciousness. I've been with a guy who had a hard time maintaining and logically I could see there could be all kinds of reasons, and we were together long enough to talk about it after the fact, but it kept happening and no matter how I tried to be patient, I took it personally.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> If all you need is a rock hard shaft connected to some hot dude, I'm sure there are many young guys in their 20's abound. B*ut if you are looking for a deeper relationship *it is unwise to judge the compatibility of a man based on the initial firmness of his erection.


....then I need to not sleep with them so early on, not strictly go for casual, NSA/FWB/ONS "things" and actually get to know someone before doing the deed. 

My experiences post married life have been all pretty casual, so when they can't get hard that pretty much ends it as thats all I was looking for. Kinda silly to have a "FWB" who can't get it up. 

I don't know how I'm going to react if I really like someone and they have performance issues. Probably be disappointed but keep trying. Guess I'll cross that road if I ever find someone worth caring about.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Nah, we don't want to vote you off. You are a fun married addition to this thread and always offer some good insight. Uncle Drerio. LOL.


Thought some of you might enjoy this video. A little of the Hawaiian style vernacular 

Moke Action - YouTube

Includes subtitles "if you no can undastand"


----------



## Nsweet

Drerio, you are way too hard on yourself sometimes. Technically you have more in common with everyone in this thread than I do, but that doesn't bother me. I just hang around reading all the fun stories and making jokes. It's fun. It's supposed to be fun. You could be posting about dates with your wife here if you wanted.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> ....then I need to not sleep with them so early on, not strictly go for casual, NSA/FWB/ONS "things" and actually get to know someone before doing the deed.
> 
> My experiences post married life have been all pretty casual, so when they can't get hard that pretty much ends it as thats all I was looking for. Kinda silly to have a "FWB" who can't get it up.
> 
> I don't know how I'm going to react if I really like someone and they have performance issues. Probably be disappointed but keep trying. Guess I'll cross that road if I ever find someone worth caring about.


I guess for me i take this a little too seriously because i always wanted to be the kind of stud that can have casual encounters, go out and pick up a hot chick to bang, no commitments just fun and recreation. Until my mid 20s I'd have been physically ready to do it, but never did learn any pick up skills. Post divorce that was one thing i wanted to knock off the bucket list, something to say BTDT about (but mostly to have lots of hot sex). But i realized physically i can't, especially if i wanted to do it "safely".

I have also been insanely jealous of women who want this and can find it so easily... Worst case for women is they just need to bring a little lube (well obviously there are other risks with that lifestyle), but just don't have the limitations of their equipment not functioning as they'd like... If you go home with a guy that can't get it up you just try again the next night with a different guy.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> It would be nice to know up front that the lack of erection was self-consciousness. I've been with a guy who had a hard time maintaining and logically I could see there could be all kinds of reasons, and we were together long enough to talk about it after the fact, but it kept happening and no matter how I tried to be patient, I took it personally.


Taking it personally was probably not useful, though realizing it wasn't likely to improve was.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> I have also been insanely jealous of women who want this and can find it so easily...


Not alot to be jealous of, to be honest. Its not really all its cracked up to be and why I'm trying to stop that behavior. 

Like right now, I'm insanely jealous of anyone who has a hat that they actually have feelings for and who care about them back. I'm insanely jealous of people who do have boundaries and don't sleep with someone just to sleep with someone. I'm insanely jealous of people who are ready to open up their hearts again.


----------



## unsure78

Hi Lon.. and casual is only ok never had a ONS or would really want too... you need to change your avatar back to a food pick...perhaps the bacon  

im not in serious mood today


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Not alot to be jealous of, to be honest. Its not really all its cracked up to be and why I'm trying to stop that behavior.
> 
> Like right now, I'm insanely jealous of anyone who has a hat that they actually have feelings for and who care about them back. I'm insanely jealous of people who do have boundaries and don't sleep with someone just to sleep with someone. I'm insanely jealous of people who are ready to open up their hearts again.


VI i dont know if you are ever really ready, i think sometimes you just have to jump... ok you know my story and all.. i have been having anxiety that the engy is going to call or text me on my bday coming up... we broke up in may i haven't seen him since, last time spoken was mid-july, last text from him mid-august... and its not like we were communicating regularly ... i even have someone i actually like....

yea VI you saw more of that time than most here... i was not in a good place... and clearly some part of it still bothers me if im still having anxiety but i find the more i get out and try life the less it bothers me... sometimes you just got to go for it


----------



## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> I've been with a guy who had a hard time maintaining and logically I could see there could be all kinds of reasons, and we were together long enough to talk about it after the fact, but it kept happening and no matter how I tried to be patient, I took it personally.


This happened to me and I wanted to cry. Especially because I had not gotten any action in so long. At first I thought he was nervous but it kept happening and he said it'd always been a problem for him. I think it's normal for a guy to be nervous at first and it may be more difficult for him to get hard but when it keeps happening, yeah, women may take it personally.


----------



## Healer

Lon said:


> I think the problem is that you may be missing an opportunity at real sexual chemistry because you may judge prematurely.
> 
> Since my divorce i have had issues getting it up right away, even when i was horny, with attractive women and an enthusiastic about pleasing and getting hot and heavy. It took time for me to trust and get comfortable enough and with all but one of them i eventually had no problems getting rock hard (so to speak) every time. And in my current relationship that is nearing a year it still gets better and better, I'm more sexually confident and my partner is getting better at finding out what really arouses me.
> 
> If all you need is a rock hard shaft connected to some hot dude, I'm sure there are many young guys in their 20's abound. But if you are looking for a deeper relationship it is unwise to judge the compatibility of a man based on the initial firmness of his erection.


Precisely. I was dumped by the hot Russian woman because I couldn't get rock hard right off the bat. Her loss. The next gal I dated was patient and didn't make me feel bad about it, now we have great sex. Same with the woman before her. Guys, especially ones who have been cheated on, I think it's a common problem, and mostly we just need a little patience and tlc so we can relax, then things are fine. Seems silly to me to drop someone so fast because of that - but hey, to each their own.

Just because a guy doesn't get instantly rock hard the first few times, or drops his load a little too quick in the beginning doesn't mean the 2 people are sexually incompatible.

Ask any of the ladies that were patient with me and they'll tell you I was worth the wait.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> VI i dont know if you are ever really ready, i think sometimes you just have to jump... ok you know my story and all.. i have been having panic attacks that the engy is going to call or text me on my bday coming up... we broke up in may i haven't seen him since, last time spoken was mid-july, last text from him mid-august... and its not like we were communicating regularly ... i even have someone i actually like....


I think sometimes we may not even know we are ready and/or are even looking until we do cross paths with that one person and it's like BAM. Crazy is what it is. 

That is how it's been with the men my heart has loved. I met them all randomly and didn't even realize I *could* feel something for them until it was like HELLO.

Being in love is beautiful and ridiculous, you know? It's completely irrational and stupid.


----------



## Nsweet

I just learned something new, I have a fetish... Rutiluphilia.:smthumbup:


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> It would be nice to know up front that the lack of erection was self-consciousness. I've been with a guy who had a hard time maintaining and logically I could see there could be all kinds of reasons, and we were together long enough to talk about it after the fact, but it kept happening and no matter how I tried to be patient, I took it personally.


Yeah, that's what happened with the Russian. I told her I was just nervous and out of a 15 year relationship. She couldn't understand this and took it as a personal insult.

And of course for a guy, knowing this is pissing the woman off/making her impatient...it exacerbates the problem.

Patient, tender, loving women rule!

Now if it's more than stage fright, and there's a real medical issue that a guy refuses to discuss or address, that's different. But a guy who's just nervous or anxious and just needs a little tenderness...give the guy a break, imo.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> *I think sometimes we may not even know we are ready and/or are even looking until we do cross paths with that one person and it's like BAM. Crazy is what it is. *
> 
> That is how it's been with the men my heart has loved. I met them all randomly and didn't even realize I *could* feel something for them until it was like HELLO.
> 
> Being in love is beautiful and ridiculous, you know? It's completely irrational and stupid.


This is what I have been WISHING would happen, instead of all this online bullcrap I have been doing.


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> Precisely. I was dumped by the hot Russian woman because I couldn't get rock hard right off the bat. Her loss. The next gal I dated was patient and didn't make me feel bad about it, now we have great sex. Same with the woman before her. Guys, especially ones who have been cheated on, I think it's a common problem, and mostly we just need a little patience and tlc so we can relax, then things are fine. *Seems silly to me to drop someone so fast because of that - but hey, to each their own.*
> 
> Just because a guy doesn't get instantly rock hard the first few times, or drops his load a little too quick in the beginning doesn't mean the 2 people are sexually incompatible.
> 
> Ask any of the ladies that were patient with me and they'll tell you I was worth the wait.


IMO its not silly when the agreement is a casual sex arrangement and nothing more than sex. 

I have not dated anyone since leaving my ex - other than a LDR that fell apart. Everything has been casual thus far. I have no experience dating anyone at this point besides the couple of guys I have gone out with from POF. 

So my only experience with impotency is in the casual world, not the dating/relationship world. 

ETA: And all were medical related - not just nerves


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> ....then I need to not sleep with them so early on, not strictly go for casual, NSA/FWB/ONS "things" and actually get to know someone before doing the deed.
> 
> My experiences post married life have been all pretty casual, so when they can't get hard that pretty much ends it as thats all I was looking for. Kinda silly to have a "FWB" who can't get it up.
> 
> I don't know how I'm going to react if I really like someone and they have performance issues. Probably be disappointed but keep trying. Guess I'll cross that road if I ever find someone worth caring about.


Guess I'm more of a woman this way - I'm not too interested in just sticking it in. I don't enjoy sex unless there's some emotional connection. You sound like a dude, I sound like a woman.


----------



## Healer

Lon said:


> I guess for me i take this a little too seriously because i always wanted to be the kind of stud that can have casual encounters, go out and pick up a hot chick to bang, no commitments just fun and recreation. Until my mid 20s I'd have been physically ready to do it, but never did learn any pick up skills. Post divorce that was one thing i wanted to knock off the bucket list, something to say BTDT about (but mostly to have lots of hot sex). But i realized physically i can't, especially if i wanted to do it "safely".
> 
> I have also been insanely jealous of women who want this and can find it so easily... Worst case for women is they just need to bring a little lube (well obviously there are other risks with that lifestyle), but just don't have the limitations of their equipment not functioning as they'd like... If you go home with a guy that can't get it up you just try again the next night with a different guy.


Indeed. Condoms are the bane of my existence. Boner-killer extraordinaire.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> This is what I have been WISHING would happen, instead of all this online bullcrap I have been doing.


Yeah for me it RARELY, if ever, happens so when it does, it's like a special little snowflake. 



Healer said:


> Guess I'm more of a woman this way - I'm not too interested in just sticking it in. I don't enjoy sex unless there's some emotional connection. You sound like a dude, I sound like a woman.


HAHAHA.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Hi Lon.. and casual is only ok never had a ONS or would really want too... you need to change your avatar back to a food pick...perhaps the bacon
> 
> im not in serious mood today


Or the Neopolitan ice cream one.


----------



## Healer

unsure78 said:


> Hi Lon.. and casual is only ok never had a ONS or would really want too... you need to change your avatar back to a food pick...perhaps the bacon
> 
> im not in serious mood today


The best sex, for me, is with someone who I have some sort of connection with. The threesome/ONS thing I had was so cold, no intimacy at all. With the gal I'm seeing (sort of) now, when we do it, we stare into each other's eyes and really "lock it in". Once in a while I'll start thinking too much (I'm very inside my own head still since dday) and lose it. She doesn't blink an eye - just carries on with touching, pulling, sucking, whatever, and I'm "back up" in no time. Hmmm. She's actually pretty awesome. Can't wait until she's back from Belize.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> The best sex, for me, is with someone who I have some sort of connection with. With the gal I'm seeing (sort of) now, when we do it, we stare into each other's eyes and really "lock it in"
> 
> She doesn't blink an eye - just carries on with touching, pulling, sucking, whatever, and I'm "back up" in no time. Hmmm. She's actually pretty awesome.


I want some sex like this. Dammit.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> This happened to me and I wanted to cry. Especially because I had not gotten any action in so long. At first I thought he was nervous but it kept happening and he said it'd always been a problem for him. I think it's normal for a guy to be nervous at first and it may be more difficult for him to get hard but when it keeps happening, yeah, women may take it personally.


Seems it's happened to more than a few of you here...that should tell you it's common and you shouldn't take it personally. See, we see you take it personally and get put off by it - and that makes it worse. :-\

Damn those things!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I want some sex like this. Dammit.


I HAD this, and had to go and get FEEEEELINGS, so now its gone!


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> IMO its not silly when the agreement is a casual sex arrangement and nothing more than sex.
> 
> I have not dated anyone since leaving my ex - other than a LDR that fell apart. Everything has been casual thus far. I have no experience dating anyone at this point besides the couple of guys I have gone out with from POF.
> 
> So my only experience with impotency is in the casual world, not the dating/relationship world.
> 
> ETA: And all were medical related - not just nerves


Well if all you're looking for is wham bam thank you ma'am, I can see there's no point wasting your time.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I HAD this, and had to go and get FEEEEELINGS, so now its gone!


yea pesky feelings...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> yea pesky feelings...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wish I could have pesky feelings, its better than feeling like a cold hearted slvt.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> I want some sex like this. Dammit.


It's pretty awesome. And you can take your time, really stretch it out (pun intended) and really enjoy each other. Lots of play. Lots of foreplay, touching, sucking, starting and stopping. Making out. This woman introduced me to some new things - like cocoa-butter bar she pulls out and lubes us both up with. HOT! Very messy, but hot. She also brought out some ice cubes once, and told me to put it inside her and **** her. Wow - that was an experience (even though it melted pretty quickly).


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I HAD this, and had to go and get FEEEEELINGS, so now its gone!


Repeat with me: _Mr NoChem sucks._



Healer said:


> Seems it's happened to more than a few of you here...that should tell you it's common and you shouldn't take it personally. See, we see you take it personally and get put off by it - and that makes it worse. :-\
> 
> Damn those things!


Well in my case, it wasn't just nerves. He had an erectile problem and had always had one according to him. Not the same as being nervous the first couple'o times.



vi_bride04 said:


> Wish I could have pesky feelings, its better than feeling like a cold hearted slvt.


:rofl: I don't know if pesky feelings are much better, vi, when the object of your affection does not reciprocate those feelings. 

I am one of those that can't/doesn't want to have sex w/o a connection and it is not often I ever feel a connection so, yeah it sucks.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Wish I could have pesky feelings, its better than feeling like a cold hearted slvt.


Vi dont be so hard on yourself... while i dont do ONS you clearly know why i was with killer... it will happen in time... your LDR wasnt that long ago... and SA may not last long since hes fresh meat
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> It's pretty awesome. And you can take your time.


Well I've had it before so I know it's awesome, but it's just been awhile.

When I do get laid, I am praying it is an amazing experience. I am going to destroy him, poor guy.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Wish I could have pesky feelings, its better than feeling like a cold hearted slvt.


I know how you feel. Even though I feel a connection to this woman, it's not like love or any real emotion - I am simply not capable of that right now. Since my marriage ended I have closed myself off emotionally - I'm kind of dead inside that way. A lot of it has to do with protecting oneself from getting knifed in the back again. I know I'll have to let someone in someday - but it's not going to happen anytime soon. I sometimes enjoy the companionship and sex, but mostly I want to be alone, for now anyway.


----------



## jpr

I am just getting caught up.

HIIIIIIII, Muskrat!!!! I am smiling and waving very enthusiastically in your direction!  Your girl is cute! I put a picture of my guy in my album.

I am one to be very patient with my hats...perhaps I am a little too patient.  ...I keep waiting and waiting and waiting for things to improve. One of the guys I dated told me that I shouldn't view people as 'dogs that I could rescue' (because he knew I volunteered with dog rescue, and had a history of adopting dogs no one else wanted) . He told me that this is my time...my time to be selfish and pick what I want. He told me that "the world is my oyster".

Maybe he was right....but, I don't know. :scratchhead:...that sort of attitude just isn't me. I prefer to find the oyster at the bottom of the sea. ...uncover the layers for myself. 

I don't tend to write off people easily--and I know that can be a problem of mine.

I am totally in love with my current hat. Totally. ...there. I said it. Sex with him has been pretty good from the start (he is very well endowed. ) ...but, now sex is out-of-this-world...but, it is mostly because of the connection I feel with him.

When we are having sex, it is like a celestial connection. ....it is indescribable. 

Perhaps it won't last.....but, for right now, I am enjoying having my heart wide open to this.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Well I've had it before so I know it's awesome, but it's just been awhile.
> 
> When I do get laid, I am praying it is an amazing experience. I am going to destroy him, poor guy.


Yeah, I feel horrible for him.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I know how you feel. Even though I feel a connection to this woman, it's not like love or any real emotion - I am simply not capable of that right now.


Interesting. So you do not love or have any real emotion for her so what is the "connection" that you feel about? Please explain.

Is there a spark at all? 

Do most men think like this?



jpr said:


> .but, now sex is out-of-this-world...but, it is mostly because of the connection I feel with him.
> 
> *When we are having sex, it is like a celestial connection. ....it is indescribable. *


You go, girl. Seriously, there is NO better sex in the universe! The kind that makes you feel like you are floating above the planet = amazing.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting. So you do not love or have any real emotion for her so what is the "connection" that you feel about? Please explain.
> 
> Is there a spark at all?
> 
> Do most men think like this?
> 
> 
> 
> You go, girl. Seriously, there is NO better sex in the universe! The kind that makes you feel like you are floating above the planet = amazing.


That's a legit question - I know I sort of contradicted myself there. I would say there may be some emotions developing, but we see each other infrequently. Each time I see her, I feel a little closer to her. But it's _very_ gradual, and I'm _very_ guarded. I would say the spark is there, but I keep it at bay. That connection was not there at first with her, even in the sack - I'm working on letting it build, letting it happen.

I'm the first to admit I'm emotionally damaged from my stbxw's affair and the end of our marriage. I am damaged goods right now. Not a safe bet for a relationship.

I guess with this gal I'm just working on letting myself open up a bit, and with that I've allowed there to be some intimacy. But I have a long way to go before I get there. So far she sees this and is cool with it. She's been really patient with me in that regard. I've pulled some **** and been flaky and have disconnected several times. she's been cool about it mostly and that in itself has allowed me to let her in - a bit.

Do most men think like this? I don't know. I'm probably somewhat atypical in that I'm a sensitive guy who isn't really a stick it in and be done sort of guy - but by the same token, I've never been where I'm at now in my life, and I'm really unsure of what I want...I'm really "finding" myself right now (lame as that sounds). I know a lot of guys who were devastated by their wife's cheating (I was too of course), but I chose to not let it define me or ruin my life. I got right out there and started dating. And yup, I caused some hurt along the way. I didn't intend to, but it happened, even though I made it clear I was in no place for a relationship.

I think infidelity affects guys in many, many different ways.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Well I've had it before so I know it's awesome, but it's just been awhile.
> 
> When I do get laid, I am praying it is an amazing experience. I am going to destroy him, poor guy.


Not to be a naysayer, but if he's grandpa age there is a real chance it won't have the physical makings of a pornstar, not that his mind won't be in the game or that he isn't completely lusting after you... But when we get to our mid thirties and on, we don't naturally have the testosterone coursing through us like when we were younger, unless we either specifically work at it with heavy lifts and diet/supplement or else are just very alpha (ie arrogant d0uchebg). Without testosterone coursing there is not usually raging hard-ons, unless the novelty is very high. I suggest someone young unless you are going for the tantric out of body slow and deep rather than fast and hard.


----------



## muskrat

Healer said:


> That's a legit question - I know I sort of contradicted myself there. I would say there may be some emotions developing, but we see each other infrequently. Each time I see her, I feel a little closer to her. But it's _very_ gradual, and I'm _very_ guarded. I would say the spark is there, but I keep it at bay. That connection was not there at first with her, even in the sack - I'm working on letting it build, letting it happen.
> 
> I'm the first to admit I'm emotionally damaged from my stbxw's affair and the end of our marriage. I am damaged goods right now. Not a safe bet for a relationship.
> 
> I guess with this gal I'm just working on letting myself open up a bit, and with that I've allowed there to be some intimacy. But I have a long way to go before I get there. So far she sees this and is cool with it. She's been really patient with me in that regard. I've pulled some **** and been flaky and have disconnected several times. she's been cool about it mostly and that in itself has allowed me to let her in - a bit.


I am experiencing a very similar thing. I hope it is a normal part of the recovery process.


----------



## muskrat

HI JPR, so glad you are doing well!!! I am glad you found love again. Ugggh, just typing the L word made me cringe. I'm not ready for that just yet.


----------



## jpr

I re-read what I wrote...and I sort of makes me cringe too.

I really am very surprised with how much my heart is feeling.


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> I know how you feel. Even though I feel a connection to this woman, it's not like love or any real emotion - I am simply not capable of that right now. Since my marriage ended *I have closed myself off emotionally - I'm kind of dead inside that way. A lot of it has to do with protecting oneself from getting knifed in the back again. I know I'll have to let someone in someday - but it's not going to happen anytime soon. I sometimes enjoy the companionship and sex, but mostly I want to be alone, for now anyway.*


This is exactly where I am at.


----------



## Healer

muskrat said:


> I am experiencing a very similar thing. I hope it is a normal part of the recovery process.


I suspect it is. It's a very confusing and ****ed up time in a man's life (a woman's of course too, but I won't speak for them).


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> This is exactly where I am at.


Yeah, it makes us a dangerous prospect if someone is looking for more than what we're currently able to give.

I have hope one day we will be capable of love again. But I can't even imagine it now - can you?

My folks worry about it, and don't want me to keep it shut off. My mom says "the longer you keep yourself shut off, the easier it becomes to live that way. And you have way too much love to give and too much to offer a woman to do that".


----------



## muskrat

Healer said:


> I suspect it is. It's a very confusing and ****ed up time in a man's life (a woman's of course too, but I won't speak for them).



I suspect this is what made a LDR appealing to me. I have someone to talk too. I have semi regular sexcapades, but I also have some distance. There is no fear of getting swept up and moving to fast either.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> I re-read what I wrote...and I sort of makes me cringe too.
> 
> I really am very surprised with how much my heart is feeling.



While I am happy for you. I am also jealous of him.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I suspect this is what made a LDR appealing to me. I have someone to talk too. I have semi regular sexcapades, but I also have some distance. There is no fear of getting swept up and moving to fast either.


interesting Rat... i am also guarded with my heart... now much worse after engy... i have a hard time believing what im being told by a guy... they have to earn my heart now over time, date me slowly... i like SA but look at him with much skeptism
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pictureless

vi_bride04 said:


> ....then I need to not sleep with them so early on, not strictly go for casual, NSA/FWB/ONS "things" and actually get to know someone before doing the deed.
> 
> My experiences post married life have been all pretty casual, so when they can't get hard that pretty much ends it as thats all I was looking for. Kinda silly to have a "FWB" who can't get it up.
> 
> I don't know how I'm going to react if I really like someone and they have performance issues. Probably be disappointed but keep trying. Guess I'll cross that road if I ever find someone worth caring about.


^^^^^^^^
Print this out and save. Look at it when you are in your 40's-50's.
Hopefully by then you won't have knee or back problems that make you a "two position" girl when you're getting pounded.

Of course by then you will have a patient and understanding spouse. He will love you even if your joint pains limit your mobility and different positions you can do comfortably. 

With luck he won't leave you for the office bunny that can bop around all night like an Olympic gymnast. You know the type, right, the one with warm, wet, tight va-jay-jay.


----------



## Morgiana

vi_bride04 said:


> So how many attempts are you going to give before deciding if you 2 are sexually compatible?
> 
> Does anyone have a number before deciding if someone will work in the sack or not? Do you just "keep trying" or just call it quits?


I heard someone say twice; first time may be a wash, but after the second, if it's still a wash, it's time to go.


----------



## firebelly1

Pictureless said:


> ^^^^^^^^
> Print this out and save. Look at it when you are in your 40's-50's.
> Hopefully by then you won't have knee or back problems that make you a "two position" girl when you're getting pounded.
> 
> Of course by then you will have a patient and understanding spouse. He will love you even if your joint pains limit your mobility and different positions you can do comfortably.
> 
> With luck he won't leave you for the office bunny that can bop around all night like an Olympic gymnast. You know the type, right, the one with warm, wet, tight va-jay-jay.


Ahem. I am in my early 40's and can contort with the best of them. Also have no problem with the latter despite having had three kids. Let's expand our minds a little on the age thing please.


----------



## Ikaika

Legend time 

Legend of the Naupaka Flower - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

I just had to post this here as soon as I saw it on FB today:

The Friendzoner vs The Nice Guy - Imgur


----------



## Nsweet

Oh, she likes Taco Bell. Is she available?


----------



## unsure78

ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

angelpixie said:


> I just had to post this here as soon as I saw it on FB today:
> 
> The Friendzoner vs The Nice Guy - Imgur


Right on!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> IShe's been really patient with me in that regard. I've pulled some **** and been flaky and have disconnected several times. she's been cool about it mostly and that in itself has allowed me to let her in - a bit.


Expand.

What have you been flaky about and what did she do that was "cool" that allowed you to feel closer to her?



Lon said:


> Not to be a naysayer, but if he's grandpa age there is a real chance it won't have the physical makings of a pornstar, not that his mind won't be in the game or that he isn't completely lusting after you...
> 
> I suggest someone young unless you are going for the tantric out of body slow and deep rather than fast and hard.


Wait, so you are saying men in their late 40s don't get down and dirty? Or are you saying they just won't be as ON as a younger dude? 

As for someone younger versus older: age is irrelevant because to me the bigger thing is I have to feel a connection. With that said, the grandpa experience has been new for me because before, I had NEVER been attracted to older men before! WTF is wrong with me?


----------



## whitehawk

Well , l think l may've made a boo boo forking out 80 smackeroos on a date site.lt's not much money l spose but never the less, same old crap you hear so much about , fakes and stuff.

l free joined a wk or 2 back , started getting all these kisses and hellos straight away. So l pay up and replied to some and suddenly l'm getting emails from the old office , where ever that is  , saying those members have since closed their accounts. What the !
And l get from one girl - or whatever it was , 3 emails supposedly, wrote to her too and suddenly she doesn't wanna know me. l couldn't have put my foot in it because l only said hello basically .

And now, suddenly there's only about 90 members within a certain radios of me and 1/2 of them have left to , in a wk , so the office , cough , tells me.
There was supposedly 650 :scratchhead: in the exact same search that l have saved . l was looking through them at the start thinking oh goodie, this is going to keep me busy.

And guess what other convenient feature you get , AFTER , you pay up.
A little thing under each profile telling you when they last logged in and guess what . Most of what l was left with haven't logged in for mths anyway.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Expand.
> 
> What have you been flaky about and what did she do that was "cool" that allowed you to feel closer to her?
> 
> 
> 
> Wait, so you are saying men in their late 40s don't get down and dirty? Or are you saying they just won't be as ON as a younger dude?
> 
> As for someone younger versus older: age is irrelevant because to me the bigger thing is I have to feel a connection. With that said, the grandpa experience has been new for me because before, I had NEVER been attracted to older men before! WTF is wrong with me?


Me in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond absolutely get down and dirty, I'm just suggesting that the chances are not as high that older guys will be sporting rock hard boners and looking to put you in all sorts of positions right out of the gate. They are still sexual but they may not be able to keep up with you the same way a younger guy does. But with age comes wisdom and experience and you may find that even if he does not score as high on the Rockwell hardness scale he will still be completely into pleasing you and enjoying you even if you are not getting pounded like the young guy will. Just because he doesn't go animal on you or display his throbbing anticipation doesn't mean he isn't totally aroused by you...


----------



## Jellybeans

I see. Thanks for the tidbit.


----------



## Pbartender

whitehawk said:


> Well , l think l may've made a boo boo forking out 80 smackeroos on a date site.lt's not much money l spose but never the less, same old crap you hear so much about , fakes and stuff.
> 
> l free joined a wk or 2 back , started getting all these kisses and hellos straight away. So l pay up and replied to some and suddenly l'm getting emails from the old office , where ever that is  , saying those members have since closed their accounts. What the !
> And l get from one girl - or whatever it was , 3 emails supposedly, wrote to her too and suddenly she doesn't wanna know me. l couldn't have put my foot in it because l only said hello basically .
> 
> And now, suddenly there's only about 90 members within a certain radios of me and 1/2 of them have left to , in a wk , so the office , cough , tells me.
> There was supposedly 650 :scratchhead: in the exact same search that l have saved . l was looking through them at the start thinking oh goodie, this is going to keep me busy.
> 
> And guess what other convenient feature you get , AFTER , you pay up.
> A little thing under each profile telling you when they last logged in and guess what . Most of what l was left with haven't logged in for mths anyway.


From another thread, in which lisa0105 looked into starting up her own internet dating website...



lisab0105 said:


> Damn, in searching for the right software for this, they all advertise the option of buying thousands and millions of profiles.
> 
> That means a huge chunk of the profiles you see on websites are fake or taken from sister sites and you will never get a response from them.
> 
> So depressing.


So, yeah... That's exactly how they hook you in. Fake profiles on autopilot that show you interest, until you pay for a subscription.


----------



## whitehawk

Jesus Lon , could you have been any more specific mate.
Anyway, not that l wanna start a 10 pager on the subject but just sayin . l dunno why but a lot of people tend to open up to me , especially when l don't want to know And l can say that unless someones unhealthy or not turned on as with any age, from what l've heard hundreds of times , there's no problemo in that department . As a matter of fact a lot of the older blokes wives can't fire up or handle enough and his as frustrated as all hell.
Shoulda heard some of my dads mates when they got 1/2 full , you don't wanna know !
Another guy, so funny but at the same time in my head, ok already, l don't wanna know, enough. 
He's nick name was donk , l don't have to go into anymore detail on that one but 72 and he reckoned he was in a worse state trying to sleep these days than he was 4oyrs ago being kept awake all night by his man because he just wasn't getting enough.
l had this other old guy use to come into my work and talk my ear off, 70's somewhere . One day he says well , we're getting a D. l said what , you serious , yep. l've just gotta get some decent sex l can't live like this any longer.
Sure enough , they got a D and about six mths later his got himself a new gf - and coming over telling me each day all the gory details of his new sex life, umm , ok already 

ps , forgot to mention my ex , the nurse. In her field she had to do 2yrs aged care . Now l definitely ain't going into detail on this one but she reckons that place was downright dangerous for a female . l'll leave your imagination to figure that out but she did use to joke about cold spoons - forget it, you gotta take a hammer to work.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Whitehawk, it sounds like you are on a dud site.


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Well , l think l may've made a boo boo forking out 80 smackeroos on a date site.lt's not much money l spose but never the less, same old crap you hear so much about , fakes and stuff.
> 
> l free joined a wk or 2 back , started getting all these kisses and hellos straight away. So l pay up and replied to some and suddenly l'm getting emails from the old office , where ever that is  , saying those members have since closed their accounts. What the !
> And l get from one girl - or whatever it was , 3 emails supposedly, wrote to her too and suddenly she doesn't wanna know me. l couldn't have put my foot in it because l only said hello basically .
> 
> And now, suddenly there's only about 90 members within a certain radios of me and 1/2 of them have left to , in a wk , so the office , cough , tells me.
> There was supposedly 650 :scratchhead: in the exact same search that l have saved . l was looking through them at the start thinking oh goodie, this is going to keep me busy.
> 
> And guess what other convenient feature you get , AFTER , you pay up.
> A little thing under each profile telling you when they last logged in and guess what . Most of what l was left with haven't logged in for mths anyway.


Most of the sites use database profiles or fake profiles (and spend a lot of money to get them) so that they have larger numbers and draw people in. Never trust a paying site that doesn't let you actually see the site until you pay.


----------



## unsure78

so whats going on everyone? someone amuse me please, i could just use it today


----------



## lisab0105

*


Pbartender said:



From another thread, in which lisa0105 looked into starting up her own internet dating website...

Click to expand...

*


Pbartender said:


> So, yeah... That's exactly how they hook you in. Fake profiles on autopilot that show you interest, until you pay for a subscription.


Building it  Hopefully will have it up and running in a couple months.


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw, what's wrong Unsure?

I am on my second cup of coffee but still no fully awake.


----------



## BeachGuy

Pictureless said:


> ^^^^^^^^
> Print this out and save. Look at it when you are in your 40's-50's.
> Hopefully by then you won't have knee or back problems that make you a "two position" girl when you're getting pounded.
> 
> Of course by then you will have a patient and understanding spouse. He will love you even if your joint pains limit your mobility and different positions you can do comfortably.
> 
> With luck he won't leave you for the office bunny that can bop around all night like an Olympic gymnast. You know the type, right, the one with warm, wet, tight va-jay-jay.


Talk about the uninformed....geesh. You couldn't be more wrong.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, what's wrong Unsure?
> 
> I am on my second cup of coffee but still no fully awake.



nothing major, lots of little stuff... just one of those days..

just trying to distract myself


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> so whats going on everyone? someone amuse me please, i could just use it today


What do you call a cow that twitches???


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Jesus Lon , could you have been any more specific mate.
> Anyway, not that l wanna start a 10 pager on the subject but just sayin . l dunno why but a lot of people tend to open up to me , especially when l don't want to know And l can say that unless someones unhealthy or not turned on as with any age, from what l've heard hundreds of times , there's no problemo in that department . As a matter of fact a lot of the older blokes wives can't fire up or handle enough and his as frustrated as all hell.
> Shoulda heard some of my dads mates when they got 1/2 full , you don't wanna know !
> Another guy, so funny but at the same time in my head it's ok already, l don't wanna know, enough.
> He's nick name was donk , l don't have to go into anymore detail on that one but 72 and he reckoned he was in a worse state trying to sleep these days than he was 4oyrs ago being kept awake all night by his man because he just wasn't getting enough.
> l had this other old guy use to come into my work and talk my ear off, 70's somewhere . One day he says well , we're getting a D. l said what , you serious , yep. l've just gotta get some decent sex l can't live like this any longer.
> Sure enough , they got a D and about six mths later his got himself a new gf - and coming over telling me each day all the gory details of his new sex life. You don't wanna know , well at least l don't wanna think about it
> 
> ps , forgot to mention my ex , the nurse. In her field she had to do 2yrs aged care . Now l definitely ain't going into detail on this one but she reckons that place was downright dangerous for a female . l'll leave your imagination to figure that out but she did use to joke about cold spoons - forget it, you gotta take a hammer to work.


My gf is a nurse and she was telling me about this cute old man that was in her ward who could barely walk but liked to shuffle down the hallways quietly saying "I'm gonna get you" with a wink and smile and hands reaching out in a grabbing motion. But he could never catch her or any of the other female nurses.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> My gf is a nurse and she was telling me about this cute old man that was in her ward who could barely walk but liked to shuffle down the hallways quietly saying "I'm gonna get you" with a wink and smile and hands reaching out in a grabbing motion. But he could never catch her or any of the other female nurses.


:rofl::smthumbup::rofl::smthumbup:

That is adorable! He sounds like a hellcat!


----------



## vi_bride04

vi_bride04 said:


> What do you call a cow that twitches???


No one?? No one has an answer??? I'm trying to amuse Unsure here...


----------



## angelpixie

A milk shake?

Kelis - Milkshake - YouTube

I thought of it because we danced to this at Oula the other day, lol.


----------



## CharlieParker

Beef Jerky??


----------



## vi_bride04

CharlieParker said:


> Beef Jerky??


:smthumbup:

Yes, beef jerkey!!!! 

:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Yes, beef jerkey!!!!
> 
> :rofl:


HAHA, love it! Though milkshake isnt incorrect either, right?


----------



## unsure78

HA!


----------



## unsure78

My milkshake bring the boys to the yard...


----------



## unsure78

The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather - YouTube

I really like this song... and seems so appropriate for the cold weather today

Sweater Weather..


----------



## Pictureless

BeachGuy said:


> Talk about the uninformed....geesh. You couldn't be more wrong.


Nope, not all..I was replying to the uninformed in a likewise matter.

Not everyone is the same and what is with one is not the same with everyone else. No two people are alike and every has their own needs, wants, and desires. Just as everyone has their own limits and capabilities. 

It's great to know what you like and want. But going after it shouldn't be hurtful and demeaning to others.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather - YouTube
> 
> I really like this song... and seems so appropriate for the cold weather today
> 
> *Sweater Weather*..


Or as I call it, FVCKING COLD!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pictureless said:


> Nope, not all..I was replying to the uninformed in a likewise matter.
> 
> Not everyone is the same and what is with one is not the same with everyone else. No two people are alike and every has their own needs, wants, and desires. Just as everyone has their own limits and capabilities.
> 
> It's great to know what you like and want. But going after it shouldn't be hurtful and demeaning to others.


Evidently I missed something...


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> My milkshake bring the boys to the yard...


Damn right it does.:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Pictureless said:


> Nope, not all..I was replying to the uninformed in a likewise matter.
> 
> Not everyone is the same and what is with one is not the same with everyone else. No two people are alike and every has their own needs, wants, and desires. Just as everyone has their own limits and capabilities.
> 
> *It's great to know what you like and want. But going after it shouldn't be hurtful and demeaning to others*.


Where is there anything hurtful and demeaning in anything that was said regarding impotence?


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> *
> 
> Building it  Hopefully will have it up and running in a couple months.*


*
Are you using your own algorithms?

What's your hook or your angle here? 

A$hley [email protected] is one of the biggest dating sites because it addresses a large number of people wanting to have affairs. I think there is an even larger number of looking to be faithful who need their own dating website. How about that? A dating website fro non cheaters. 

I think the way these dating operate could be improved too. People are perfectly fine with paying reacquiring monthly charges, but don't lie to them to get them sign up. Half these websites would have more members if they just had better websites and less fake profiles.*


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Expand.
> 
> What have you been flaky about and what did she do that was "cool" that allowed you to feel closer to her?


I bailed a few times on dates when I just wasn't in the headspace. We had a sexcapade back in July for a weekend and I kind of ended things afterwards...she was getting too close and it scared me off. Then out of the blue in November, I was in California with my kids and she texted me "how are you, what's new?" etc. She then asked me to go to a concert with her and I did, and we kind of started up again. Then she booked us a hotel in the mountains for New Years Eve. That was the last time I saw her as she went to Belize for a couple months. We've been texting a bit since then.

She was understanding of my apprehension and didn't bust my balls too bad about my flakiness, so I thought "hmmm, she's pretty cool". That allowed me to open up a bit.


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> Are you using your own algorithms?
> 
> What's your hook or your angle here?
> 
> A$hley M[email protected] is one of the biggest dating sites because it addresses a large number of people wanting to have affairs. I think there is an even larger number of looking to be faithful who need their own dating website. How about that? A dating website fro non cheaters.
> 
> I think the way these dating operate could be improved too. People are perfectly fine with paying reacquiring monthly charges, but don't lie to them to get them sign up. Half these websites would have more members if they just had better websites and less fake profiles.


It is a niche dating site for betrayed spouses and sympathizers that believe Monogamy is the rule, not the exception. I am not buying any fake profiles, so I am literally starting at zero and just going to work my @ss off to promote. It is the antithesis of @shley [email protected] 

I am working on integrating a background check into the site also. It happens automatically when someone signs up. People will be able to tour the site and check out existing members to see if it is something they want to join. I will also be doing a weekly podcast that will be posted on the site. 

It is called LoveFoolSingles.com and I am putting a lot of thought and care into making it perfect. I read everything you guys are saying in Life after divorce about online dating and dating in general...hoping to fill in the gaps where other sites are failing. 

I can't compete with match or eharmony...but I think I have something.


----------



## Healer

unsure78 said:


> so whats going on everyone? someone amuse me please, i could just use it today


I have a coffee date tomorrow with a gal I met on *******. I haven't been on one of those in months. A little nervous, but not really. She seems cool. She'll be the first mom I've dated (well, this isn't really a date), so that's interesting.

Hmmmm - I haven't dated a mom yet and all the women I have dated have been tattoo-less - my ex is covered in tats. I've also been going after blondes and the ex is brunette. I see a pattern here....


----------



## unsure78

Healer said:


> I have a coffee date tomorrow with a gal I met on *******. I haven't been on one of those in months. A little nervous, but not really. She seems cool. She'll be the first mom I've dated (well, this isn't really a date), so that's interesting.
> 
> Hmmmm - I haven't dated a mom yet and all the women I have dated have been tattoo-less - my ex is covered in tats. I've also been going after blondes and the ex is brunette. I see a pattern here....


you are trying different things nothing wrong with that... people often swing from on end of the pendulum to the other after a relationship with he people they choose... 

ive done that as well and experimented with dates outside my "normal"


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Damn right it does.:smthumbup:


Oh Nsweet you just like to flatter a girl  xoxoxo


----------



## lisab0105

Healer said:


> I bailed a few times on dates when I just wasn't in the headspace. We had a sexcapade back in July for a weekend and I kind of ended things afterwards...she was getting too close and it scared me off. Then out of the blue in November, I was in California with my kids and she texted me "how are you, what's new?" etc. She then asked me to go to a concert with her and I did, and we kind of started up again. Then she booked us a hotel in the mountains for New Years Eve. That was the last time I saw her as she went to Belize for a couple months. We've been texting a bit since then.
> 
> She was understanding of my apprehension and didn't bust my balls too bad about my flakiness, so I thought "hmmm, she's pretty cool". That allowed me to open up a bit.


I think if you are messed up entering the single world again that you are bailing out on someone because they have feelings for you after spending a weekend together (and I mean this in no disrespect to you) than you have no business having anything but designated ONS until you are ready to open yourself up. Feelings will happen. Lucky for you that she still tested the waters a couple months later, but casting someone aside because they dared to have feelings for you is just messed up. And this isn't just about what you posted Healer, I have been have seen this happen a lot and it just irks me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer--I think i'ts good to date outside of your norm. Freshens up the palette. 

Is there a reason why you haven't dated moms before? You have children yourself, right? I know some men will not date childless women and some won't date someone with kids. Same for women. I even have a friend who was divorced who refuses to date women who have never been divorced. Funny.

I tend to agree with what Lisab said about casting someone aside. I think that people should be honest with people and tell them if they aren't really ready for anything. If you did that,t hen ok. But don't string her along if you are not feeling it, ultimately. Maybe she is just looking for something casual too, thoug.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Healer--I think i'ts good to date outside of your norm. Freshens up the palette.
> 
> Is there a reason why you haven't dated moms before? You have children yourself, right? I know some men will not date childless women and some won't date someone with kids. Same for women. I even have a friend who was divorced who refuses to date women who have never been divorced. Funny.
> 
> I tend to agree with what Lisab said about casting someone aside. I think that people should be honest with people and tell them if they aren't really ready for anything. If you did that,t hen ok. But don't string her along if you are not feeling it, ultimately. Maybe she is just looking for something casual too, thoug.


I think even if you tell someone you are not ready for anything...expecting them to adhere to that and keep feelings in check is very, very unrealistic especially if you intend on seeing them more than once. People have emotions and they will grow when spending time with someone. It can't be helped.


----------



## Nsweet

You may not be able to compete with those websites now, but in ten years you could probably get donations and endorsements. 

I was thinking if $30 a month you could probably get away with charging for first and last month's payments. Because people get fed up and move on are going to pull payments asap, but I've found they still come back and check hits on their profiles a couple weeks later. So giving them that already paid for month might actually pull them back in. 

And you have to include a message board there. That was the most popular section of the dating sites I've been on and members who would connect there would go on dates when they might never have met from profile matches. It was really great too because you could talk about members and ask "Hey, what do you think of this person?" and you would get feedback from people who have been on dates with them, and people who could see the big red flags you may be missing. 

Oh! There you go! If you had the success of this thread on your dating site, in it's own thread.... It would be pretty popular. I would love to see a dating site that removes the pressure of joining and where you can meet and talk to people, maybe not see all of their profile (that would unlock with full access), and just be able to connect and talk. Why do these dating sites have to make everything meeting your match, maybe you were meant to meet a match after talking with your friends there.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, I agree with you there, Lisab. Having feelings is something that seemingly no one has control over either - annoying feelings. 

Attraction is irrational and stupid. 

I hate when I have feelings for someone. Rare as it is.


----------



## BeachGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> Evidently I missed something...


Ditto.


----------



## Jellybeans

Beach and 3x: it was about Vi saying she wished she could feel more of an emotional connection versus having casual sex and Picture told her essentially to remember this moment because when she's in her 40s/50s her joints will hurt and she won't be able to go beyond 2 positions at that age. And that maybe with luck her partner in the future won't leave her for someone younger with a tighter vag and more flexibility.


----------



## lisab0105

Perhaps I am off base, I just know a little over 3 years ago, it was exhausting dealing with someone who's walls were up, no matter how cool and collected I tried being after my feelings grew...it sucks to be made to feel like I did something wrong for having the nerve to feel something other than casual.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Well, I agree with you there, Lisab. Having feelings is something that seemingly no one has control over either - annoying feelings.
> 
> Attraction is irrational and stupid.
> 
> *I hate when I have feelings for someone*. Rare as it is.


Sorry I just had to:

How Do You Feel, Spock? - YouTube

:rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> You may not be able to compete with those websites now, but in ten years you could probably get donations and endorsements.
> 
> I was thinking if $30 a month you could probably get away with charging for first and last month's payments. Because people get fed up and move on are going to pull payments asap, but I've found they still come back and check hits on their profiles a couple weeks later. So giving them that already paid for month might actually pull them back in.
> 
> And you have to include a message board there. That was the most popular section of the dating sites I've been on and members who would connect there would go on dates when they might never have met from profile matches. It was really great too because you could talk about members and ask "Hey, what do you think of this person?" and you would get feedback from people who have been on dates with them, and people who could see the big red flags you may be missing.
> 
> Oh! There you go! If you had the success of this thread on your dating site, in it's own thread.... It would be pretty popular. I would love to see a dating site that removes the pressure of joining and where you can meet and talk to people, maybe not see all of their profile (that would unlock with full access), and just be able to connect and talk. Why do these dating sites have to make everything meeting your match, maybe you were meant to meet a match after talking with your friends there.


Mine will have a message board, hopefully someday as vibrant as this one.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Oh Nsweet you just like to flatter a girl  xoxoxo


I do. I also like tell a girl exactly what I like about her and then walk away. I'll make your day and then go on with my own.:smthumbup:


----------



## Healer

lisab0105 said:


> I think if you are messed up entering the single world again that you are bailing out on someone because they have feelings for you after spending a weekend together (and I mean this in no disrespect to you) than you have no business having anything but designated ONS until you are ready to open yourself up. Feelings will happen. Lucky for you that she still tested the waters a couple months later, but casting someone aside because they dared to have feelings for you is just messed up. And this isn't just about what you posted Healer, I have been have seen this happen a lot and it just irks me.


I was very upfront about it and told her I was not in a place for a relationship. I didn't string her along - we went on a few dates and had casual sex a few times. When things got too serious I told her things were getting too serious and I needed to cool it.

She made the decision to contact me again - and I'm glad she did. She approached it differently this time and realizes I'm not in a relationship place yet - hence her going to Belize for 2 months, which is cool with both of us.

That being said - you're right about casting someone aside, and I don't wish to do that to anyone. I just need to be upfront with the women I date and let them know I'm not ready to be in a committed relationship.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Healer--I think i'ts good to date outside of your norm. Freshens up the palette.
> 
> Is there a reason why you haven't dated moms before? You have children yourself, right? I know some men will not date childless women and some won't date someone with kids. Same for women. I even have a friend who was divorced who refuses to date women who have never been divorced. Funny.
> 
> I tend to agree with what Lisab said about casting someone aside. I think that people should be honest with people and tell them if they aren't really ready for anything. If you did that,t hen ok. But don't string her along if you are not feeling it, ultimately. Maybe she is just looking for something casual too, thoug.


No reason at all - it's just happened the women I've dated haven't been moms. To be honest, that's something I would like to do more of, as there's that common bond. Yes - I'm a dad.

And yes, with her going out of country for 2 months, I believe she sees what we have as casual as well.


----------



## Healer

lisab0105 said:


> I think even if you tell someone you are not ready for anything...expecting them to adhere to that and keep feelings in check is very, very unrealistic especially if you intend on seeing them more than once. People have emotions and they will grow when spending time with someone. It can't be helped.


I don't really expect her to adhere to anything - she knows where I'm at, and if she's cool with that and wants to keep seeing me, great. If not, that's cool too. For now, we just enjoy each others company and have fun together.


----------



## Jellybeans

Drerio--that Spock video is funny. I tend not to be an emotional person usually over anyone. That's why when it happens I want to bury my head in the sand as it is not familiar to me and I find it more exhausting/frustrating than fun/neat/cool.

No, thanks.

Would rather never love anyone. I find myself saying stupid things and being nervous and totally not acting like myself. It is ridiculous. No, thanks.



Healer said:


> She made the decision to contact me again - and I'm glad she did. She approached it differently this time and realizes I'm not in a relationship place yet


How did she "approach it differently?"

Do you think you could be in a "relationship place" with her at some point?

It kinda reminds me of 3x and NoChem.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Drerio--that Spock video is funny. I tend not to be an emotional person usually over anyone. That's why when it happens I want to bury m y head in the sand as it is not familiar to me and I find it most exhausting/frustrating that fun/neat/cool.
> 
> No, thanks.
> 
> Would rather never love anyone. I find myself saying stupid things and being nervous and totally not acting like myself. It is ridiculous. No, thanks.
> 
> 
> 
> How did she "approach it differently?"
> 
> Do you think you could be in a "relationship place" with her at some point?
> 
> *It kinda reminds me of 3x and NoChem.*


 We share the same brain Jelly


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> I was very upfront about it and told her I was not in a place for a relationship. I didn't string her along - we went on a few dates and had casual sex a few times. When things got too serious I told her things were getting too serious and I needed to cool it.


I had to cut someone loose when I kept repeating I wasn't ready for anything serious, wasn't emotionally available and wasn't ready to date. 

After getting together a few times he wanted a full on relationship. Freaked me out and I cut all ties. 

Thats when I realized I wasn't ready for anything with the OS at all until I could let my guard down a bit. Its finally happening....slowly but its happening.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> We share the same brain Jelly


That is one sexy brain!


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> That is one sexy brain!


Word!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Its finally happening....slowly but its happening.


Wait... with who? spill


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Wait... with who? spill


Ha! 

Just in general. 

I used to run away (like litterally run out to my car and leave) if a guy even talked to me when out or offered to buy me a drink. I have cut off casual OS "friends" due to feeling my personal space was being invaded even though I wanted to get laid. :scratchhead:

Just me being very guarded and not wanting to be around people is getting better. I don't have some huge wall up, I actually feel like going out and having fun, don't freak out if I get a hug or kiss from a guy (yes even hugs were scaring me). 

I just feel myself wanting to open up for the human experience. Thats a good thing I think.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Dr
> How did she "approach it differently?"
> 
> Do you think you could be in a "relationship place" with her at some point?
> 
> It kinda reminds me of 3x and NoChem.


She just gave me lots of space and was seemingly cognizant of where I'm at...she was very...accommodating. Honestly I'm not sure about the relationship thing - she's very much a traveler, go live on a beach somewhere for 2 months kinds gal with no real attachments holding her down. And just like I'm not in the place for a serious thing right now - I wouldn't expect her to stop living her life that way for me. I'm not able to live like her - I have a career and 2 kids. I'm kinda stuck here, living the 8-5, dad on duty life. She's a wanderer - it's in her nature. I wouldn't want to ground her. That in itself would spell disaster. 

So as I see it now, it will remain casual. But, who knows? If I've learned anything this past year and a bit, it's that I don't know **** about anything. What seems real or permanent just isn't.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> If I've learned anything this past year and a bit, it's that I don't know **** about anything. What seems real or permanent just isn't.


:iagree: 

Divorce does kind of do that, right?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Drerio--that Spock video is funny. *I tend not to be an emotional person usually over anyone. That's why when it happens I want to bury m y head in the sand as it is not familiar to me and I find it most exhausting/frustrating that fun/neat/cool.*
> 
> No, thanks.
> 
> Would rather never love anyone. I find myself saying stupid things and being nervous and totally not acting like myself. It is ridiculous. No, thanks.
> 
> 
> 
> How did she "approach it differently?"
> 
> Do you think you could be in a "relationship place" with her at some point?
> 
> It kinda reminds me of 3x and NoChem.


Don't worry, Jelly I totally understand. I am glad you were a good sport with that video. 

As humans we are a funny species, we are tribal and yearn for kinship but as always close kinship tends to spurn conflict. So what are we to do? I don't have the answers, but I will say that as your Hawaiian uncle _Hahai no ka ua i ka ulula'au_. Direct translation, the rain follows after the forest. The meaning is allow the fertile forest to continue to flourish (i.e., don't make a desert out of your heart) and in time the rains will continue to water it till it blossoms into a thing of beauty for others to enjoy. You be that beautiful forest and someone will come along to appreciate it. 

I will admit this is not something I came up with myself. Something I learned from my Kupuna.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> *It kinda reminds me of 3x and NoChem*.


Oh how I love to be the example!  LOL!!


----------



## Ikaika

A song dedicated to all the sweet smelling fragrances that grace TAM. 

Kealiʻi Reichel - "Lei Haliʻa" Video - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> I don't have the answers, but I will say that as your Hawaiian uncle _Hahai no ka ua i ka ulula'au_.
> 
> You be that beautiful forest and someone will come along to appreciate it.



Hehe. I will start planting some flowers in the forest. I will say though, as of last year, my cold black heart did start melting and I started dating. Baby steps. 



3Xnocharm said:


> Oh how I love to be the example!  LOL!!


Sorry, 3x. It wasn't meant to offend or make you feel bad! It's just that Healer's situation sounded very reminiscent of yours. Luckily, though, you have the knowledge to know what works for you and what doesn't (even if it's a struggle with your heart). Grr. FEELINGS! (That's why I hate 'em). Hahaha.


----------



## vi_bride04

Well if anyone does get into a relationship, these 7 secrets "supposedly" make happy relationships: 

It's science: 7 secrets to a happy relationship - MSN Living

(I LOVE #1, lol)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry, 3x. It wasn't meant to offend or make you feel bad! It's just that Healer's situation sounded very reminiscent of yours. Luckily, though, you have the knowledge to know what works for you and what doesn't (even if it's a struggle with your heart). Grr. FEELINGS! (That's why I hate 'em). Hahaha.


Its all good, I didnt take it that way! Feelings are a b!tch.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Well, I agree with you there, Lisab. *Having feelings is something that seemingly no one has control over either - annoying feelings.
> 
> Attraction is irrational and stupid.
> 
> I hate when I have feelings for someone.* Rare as it is.





3Xnocharm said:


> Its all good, I didnt take it that way! *Feelings are a b!tch*.


I'm right there with ya today

SCREW FEELINGS!!!!!

*crosses arms and pouts*


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Well if anyone does get into a relationship, these 7 secrets "supposedly" make happy relationships:
> 
> It's science: 7 secrets to a happy relationship - MSN Living
> 
> (I LOVE #1, lol)


Ouch! Number 5!!!! I am 36 y.o

5. Don't be a middle-aged man, but do be a woman 34-years-old or younger.
It kind of narrows things down a bit, doesn't it? With so many people studied who were so many different ages, how old you are would have to come into play at some point.

According to the study, the happiest men in relationships were those who were either younger or older; those guys in the middle weren’t as cheery about their relationships. But hey, middle age is tough! As for ladies, society doesn't make aging easy, so if you're under 34 now, make mental notes as to what makes you happy about your relationship and carry it with you into your later years.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Well if anyone does get into a relationship, these 7 secrets "supposedly" make happy relationships:
> 
> It's science: 7 secrets to a happy relationship - MSN Living
> 
> (I LOVE #1, lol)


This was linked to from the page Vi posted:

14 Ways Your Body Tells You You're With The Wrong Partner -- MadameNoire

I had a problem with a tremor in my hands when I was with Chinless. It is a side effect of a medication I'm on, and I chalked it up to that. But the funny thing is, when I moved out, it went away. And only came back when I had to deal with him a lot. Hmmm....interesting....  I was also sick all the time when I was with him. Even though life has often been very stressful, I'm still not sick nearly as often. Gut check, indeed.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> (I LOVE #1, lol)


Haha. Knew you would!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I found that list depressing, myself!


----------



## Jellybeans

Me, too.


----------



## unsure78

sooo wow yea unexpected... so slow hat asked if i was dating anyone ( as he has many times before) he even knew about killer after the fact.... so im honest, hes my friend right? told him im dating SA... wow yea he got pissy and a bit mean even... how many chances did this f'n guy get? WTF... 

deleted again... whatever


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man, unsure - that stinks.

But I would flat out tell him straight up - "look, I have liked you for a long time but you can't seem to decide to sh!t or get off the pot and I'm not going to wait around for you to have a come to jesus decision about if you want to date me exclusively or not. You are extremely wishy washy and have in now way given me any sort of "Committment". I don't wait around to be plan B"


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh man, unsure - that stinks.
> 
> But I would flat out tell him straight up - "look, I have liked you for a long time but you can't seem to decide to sh!t or get off the pot and I'm not going to wait around for you to have a come to jesus decision about if you want to date me exclusively or not. You are extremely wishy washy and have in now way given me any sort of "Committment". I don't wait around to be plan B"


yea i pretty much did...hahaha i even did a "im sorry you feel that way" to him...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Whitehawk, it sounds like you are on a dud site.


Thanks 3x . Yeah it's not looking good . The weird thing was l spent 3hrs reading reviews on all the main ones and chose this one, so much for that. lt supposedly had the best rep and a huge range of people all through my area .
But really unless l want to start searching hrs away from me now it's scammed it's way down to about 40 left really and there's no one in there l even like.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> yea i pretty much did...hahaha i even did a "im sorry you feel that way" to him...lol



I've said it before, and I will say it again......STUPID. Feel free to disagree anyone. lol


----------



## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> A milk shake?
> 
> Kelis - Milkshake - YouTube
> 
> I thought of it because we danced to this at Oula the other day, lol.



Ahh , thought l saw Milky Way , by the Church - great song


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> *
> 
> Building it  Hopefully will have it up and running in a couple months.*


*


Nice one lisa, real potential l reckon if you can somehow keep the bs out of it, that seems to be the biggest thing . 
l know there's a lot out there but the thing is 3/4 of them just seem full of it. So as word spreads people would jump all over an honest one.
Good luck*


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Healer--I think i'ts good to date outside of your norm. Freshens up the palette.
> 
> Is there a reason why you haven't dated moms before? You have children yourself, right? I know some men will not date childless women and some won't date someone with kids. Same for women. I even have a friend who was divorced who refuses to date women who have never been divorced. Funny.
> 
> I tend to agree with what Lisab said about casting someone aside. I think that people should be honest with people and tell them if they aren't really ready for anything. If you did that,t hen ok. But don't string her along if you are not feeling it, ultimately. Maybe she is just looking for something casual too, thoug.



Yeah this is all sorta how me and beach house went a bit bananas . l basically cut and ran for the same reasons the first time, which only hurt her yet again of course after everything she'd been going through with her ex so the next time she was even more gaga . l gave up.

But if someone new started falling even now l think l'd still run a mile. Sometimes l think l really don't ever wanna hear the L word again. No good l know , time l spose .


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> Perhaps I am off base, I just know a little over 3 years ago, it was exhausting dealing with someone who's walls were up, no matter how cool and collected I tried being after my feelings grew...it sucks to be made to feel like I did something wrong for having the nerve to feel something other than casual.


Yeah l've had to deal with that to and it really does burn you out in the end l know, so tiring .
Ha , and now l worry about my own walls in the future after all this. Can't win.
l'm hoping though that at least we are aware as we've been educated around here so we understand the process and won't self sabotage for too long .


----------



## unsure78

Report: Everyone You’ve Ever Had A Crush On Secretly Had A Crush On You, They Still Do, And They’re Waiting For You | The Onion - America's Finest News Source 

somewhat applicable to my situation today...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Its too bad you girls can't take the best parts from the jerks your dating and put them all together with the heart of a good man, and enough brains to know how to not play games. 

Frankenstein hat! 

Can you imagine an emotional reanimated Frankenstein monster!? He would go to work every morning for Republican National Committee (because he's already dead inside and ObamaCare can't help him.) Then he'd come home and talk to you about your day over red wine. He'd have the body of a Killer Hat, the biggest penis you could find, and the brains from an sensitive artist. 

He might be still be afraid of fire and break a lot more around the house than he fixes, but you could show him off to your girlfriends and he wouldn't try to sleep with them. And assuming you fix the problems of necrosis and get his heart beating and blood pumping again... He wouldn't have those blanket stitches all over his body or any serious scars for long. 

It would be a woman's dream come true! 

Except....

Somehow I just know that the women you would complain about would just mysteriously die off. So you might have to move a lot and fake his identity... But still. Life on the run with Frenkenstein hat would be really fun. Just don't take him to any barbeques or luaus... Because of the fire.

:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Frankenstein hat!


He would have an enormous Schwanzstucker.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Its too bad you girls can't take the best parts from the jerks your dating and put them all together with the heart of a good man, and enough brains to know how to not play games.
> 
> Frankenstein hat!
> 
> Can you imagine an emotional reanimated Frankenstein monster!? He would go to work every morning for Republican National Committee (because he's already dead inside and ObamaCare can't help him.) Then he'd come home and talk to you about your day over red wine. He'd have the body of a Killer Hat, the biggest penis you could find, and the brains from an sensitive artist.
> 
> He might be still be afraid of fire and break a lot more around the house than he fixes, but you could show him off to your girlfriends and he wouldn't try to sleep with them. And assuming you fix the problems of necrosis and get his heart beating and blood pumping again... He wouldn't have those blanket stitches all over his body or any serious scars for long.
> 
> It would be a woman's dream come true!
> 
> Except....
> 
> Somehow I just know that the women you would complain about would just mysteriously die off. So you might have to move a lot and fake his identity... But still. Life on the run with Frenkenstein hat would be really fun. Just don't take him to any barbeques or luaus... Because of the fire.
> 
> ahhahaha this made me laugh Nsweet...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> He would have an enormous Schwanzstucker.


love this movie.... frau bluker...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

**** Me, Ray Bradbury - Rachel Bloom - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's a snow day in the south, *****es.


Nice D2H!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> sooo wow yea unexpected... so slow hat asked if i was dating anyone ( as he has many times before) he even knew about killer after the fact.... so im honest, hes my friend right? told him im dating SA... wow yea *he got pissy and a bit mean even*... how many chances did this f'n guy get? WTF...
> 
> deleted again... whatever


Ha. Really? He likes the idea of having you around whenever he needs you, but no one can 'have' you.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Ha. Really? He likes the idea of having you around whenever he needs you, but no one can 'have' you.


Yep really...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Yep really...


He's a man.......but he has 

a vajeen..........


----------



## vi_bride04

Ugh speaking of snow...I have to go shovel the end of my driveway so I don't get stuck like I did coming home from work. If I can even shovel it, its probably a block of ice. 

I am so sick of this winter. -30 degree windchills for days on end and snow that just doesn't quit. 

Time to go freeze my ass off and barely make a dent in my driveway  

(yes I'm whining and complaining, lol)


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> He's a man.......but he has
> 
> a vajeen..........


hahaahaahahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Ugh speaking of snow...I have to go shovel the end of my driveway so I don't get stuck like I did coming home from work. If I can even shovel it, its probably a block of ice.
> 
> I am so sick of this winter. -30 degree windchills for days on end and snow that just doesn't quit.
> 
> Time to go freeze my ass off and barely make a dent in my driveway
> 
> (yes I'm whining and complaining, lol)


See, this is why I live in the south........efff this.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> He's a man.......but he has
> 
> a vajeen..........


Yeah, he's a regular Buck Angel.:rofl:


----------



## jpr

I have a snow day too.




I hate the snow.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Ha. Really? He likes the idea of having you around whenever he needs you, but no one can 'have' you.





unsure78 said:


> Yep really...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ooooooooh unsure, be careful with that. Especially if there is no defined "relationship" between you two. Hope you stay NC. I think slow is projecting his own behavior with the anger he is showing you about dating others. Been there played that game before....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> I have a snow day too.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate the snow.


That's why I live down in the south. When it snows, it is cause for drinking and celebration! Sex, and drinking, and drugs and fun!


----------



## 06Daddio08

jpr said:


> I have a snow day too.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate the snow.


Haha. -40c with the wind over here. So much snow, hasn't been this bad in years.


----------



## jpr

I live in the South too. ....snow is rare, but I hate it.

Mostly because my boyfriend is out of the country right now....so, I am missing the sex.

I went to the store today to stock up on milk and juice (for my son), beer (for me), and treat (for my dog). ...I love the idea of staying in and drinking and having sex all day. But, I don't really feel like drinking by myself right now.

So, here I am. All mopey...and thinking about how much I miss my hat.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Ooooooooh unsure, be careful with that. Especially if there is no defined "relationship" between you two. Hope you stay NC. I think slow is projecting his own behavior with the anger he is showing you about dating others. Been there played that game before....


i deleted him...i don't need anymore jack asses in my life right now... I believe my new mantra lately is "if you dont like me, then f*ck off".... im often to nice and want to give others the benefit but i will not deal with anyone being mean to me anymore, i dont have to tolerate it from someone who is my "friend"

had enough mean in my marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> I live in the South too. ....snow is rare, but I hate it.
> 
> Mostly because my boyfriend is out of the country right now....so, I am missing the sex.
> 
> I went to the store today to stock up on milk and juice (for my son), beer (for me), and treat (for my dog). ...I love the idea of staying in and drinking and having sex all day. But, I don't really feel like drinking by myself right now.
> 
> So, here I am. All mopey...and thinking about how much I miss my hat.


Yeah. Well, my gf has kids tonight. So.....it's drinking and a fire. However, I do have a buddy coming over to throw down some. We are going to pummel the neighborhood kids with snowballs..........frickers. lol


----------



## Nsweet

Tell me about it. 

I would love to stay inside where it's warm and repeatedly make love to a sightly chubby woman and eat junk food. Just have sex, eat cookies, have sex again, some cheesecake, sex again, drink a beer. That's the way the winters should be spent.


----------



## jpr

...curious.

Why slightly chubby? 

Just wondering why that is a requirement.

Beer and fried food in between sex sessions is the best.


----------



## unsure78

more body heat for Nsweet to keep warm!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> ...curious.
> 
> Why slightly chubby?
> 
> Just wondering why that is a requirement.
> 
> Beer and fried food in between sex sessions is the best.


I'm in agreement with Nsweet here. Slightly chubby is good. I know I'm all crossfit/paleo/fitness driven, but dang those slightly chubby girls can do some shiznat.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's a snow day in the south, *****es.


I love and miss the snow.
Btw you are a hottie dedicated!


----------



## Ikaika

jpr said:


> ...curious.
> 
> Why slightly chubby?
> 
> Just wondering why that is a requirement.
> 
> *Beer and fried food in between sex sessions is the best.*


Ok, I am officially weird. I would prefer homemade healthy granola on top of Greek yogurt between sessions. Any form of alcohol will just put me to sleep, so that would be a no go. Fried food and food that is simply too sweet and too fattening only gives me a sore stomach, a definite mood killer. 

Damn, why can't I be like everyone else


----------



## jpr

I always thought that was just a stereotype...

but, is it true? Do chubby girls do 'the weird stuff' more often than skinny girls?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> I love and miss the snow.
> Btw you are a hottie dedicated!


Thanks. I'm living it up, and proud of it!!!!!!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> I always thought that was just a stereotype...
> 
> but, is it true? Do chubby girls do 'the weird stuff' more often than skinny girls?


IDK, jpr. BUT, the rebound I had did some crazy stuff. Like, so much bodily fluids you have to change the mattress kind of stuff. Well, the gf isn't "chubby" but her ass is......


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm in agreement with Nsweet here. Slightly chubby is good. I know I'm all crossfit/paleo/fitness driven, but dang those slightly chubby girls can do some shiznat.


Wow I love hearing this.

I once heard on the radio that a group of marines were interviewed and the majority liked a girl with a little 'meat on their bones'. The reason? They relax and enjoy life. Instead of ordering the salad, they enjoy the cheeseburger. Apparently the view among that group was that the women who weren't very thin and fit were inclined to enjoy 'sins of the flesh' including foods. Hence my occasional reference to hedonistic tendencies. 

And I stopped to get rum (for coke), Irish cream (for coffee) and vodka (for OJ/tomato juice) in the event I don't leave the house at all tomorrow. (I already have milk, bread and plenty of food.) But with kiddo home due to the weather, odds are there will be no sex - alone or otherwise!:rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> i deleted him...i don't need anymore jack asses in my life right now... I believe my new mantra lately is "if you dont like me, then f*ck off".... im often to nice and want to give others the benefit but i will not deal with anyone being mean to me anymore, i dont have to tolerate it from someone who is my "friend"
> 
> had enough mean in my marriage
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's such a huge difference from the Engy and all the "why's" you were once asking.  :smthumbup:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> were inclined to enjoy 'sins of the flesh'


Yes, in more ways than just food...........


----------



## 06Daddio08

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wow I love hearing this.
> 
> I once heard on the radio that a group of marines were interviewed and the majority liked a girl with a little 'meat on their bones'. The reason? They relax and enjoy life. Instead of ordering the salad, they enjoy the cheeseburger. Apparently the view among that group was that the women who weren't very thin and fit were inclined to enjoy 'sins of the flesh' including foods. Hence my occasional reference to hedonistic tendencies.
> 
> And I stopped to get rum (for coke), Irish cream (for coffee) and vodka (for OJ/tomato juice) in the event I don't leave the house at all tomorrow. (I already have milk, bread and plenty of food.) But with kiddo home due to the weather, odds are there will be no sex - alone or otherwise!:rofl:


I'd much rather meet a gal who is health conscious but not health crazy. "Chubby" is a matter of opinion though, don't you think? I mean, some of the most gorgeous women I see at the gym still have a bit of meat on their bones. Yet, they are there 5 days a week and workout hard.

I'm a sucker for a good pair of thighs and nice arse though.


----------



## vi_bride04

Holy schnikies my legs feel frostbit....I should have worn snowpants over my jeans...but at least I shouldn't get stuck in my driveway anymore


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> ...curious.
> 
> Why slightly chubby?
> 
> Just wondering why that is a requirement.
> 
> Beer and fried food in between sex sessions is the best.





jpr said:


> I always thought that was just a stereotype...
> 
> but, is it true? Do chubby girls do 'the weird stuff' more often than skinny girls?


Because chubby girls are comfortable in their bodies.

When you take a really skinny pretty girl to bed she f*cks like she's never done it before. Everything is about her looking good and trying to impress you. Those skinny girls even get mad when you slap their ass. Conceited!:rofl:

Not no chubby girls! 

A chubby girl will f*ck your brains out. Because she's not considered pretty and it's probably been a while since anyone has wanted her. So when she gets at least a decent looking guy who's not just looking for a drunken ONS and scraping the bottom of the barrel at last call, then she's really appreciative.

Chubby girls don't necessarily do everything. Like I've never had a chubby girl that was like "put it in my ass!" or anything really freaky. They're just more enthusiastic. And they're kinder... Because it's like they know what it's like to be used for sex. So she's at least going walk you out the door and kiss you goodbye. 

I'd say about half the women I've had sex with were 20 or more pounds over weight. Not a whole lot over weight, not nearly BBWs or really obese. They were better than the skinny girls by far. The only difference with the skinnier girls is you can pick them up and flip them around or turn them like a rag doll. The chubby girls you tell them what positions you want to do next and let them move into position. 

In case you're wondering. When I met my ex wife she was chubby and had little pimples. And I married her with her looking exactly like that! The woman I was with before her was this hot little redhead ex cheerleader who could do the perfect splits and put her feet behind her head... And I let that little narcissistic cheating b!tch go for a chubby girl who was awesome (at the time).


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Time to kick some neighborhood's kid's ass......snowball style.


----------



## jpr

I think the moral of the story is that people need to just get over themselves.

Whether they are skinny or fat or chubby or flat or flabby or pimply.

Just get over yourself. ....and enjoy yourself.

In my very limited dating adventures, I have surprised myself with the fact that I have very few insecurities anymore while naked. When I first started having sex with Sasquatch in my early 20's, I was constantly worried about being 'good enough'...and it caused a lot of anxiety.


There is something beautiful about just being in the moment....authentically enjoying something in that moment.

Living from the inside out....instead of the outside in. 
:scratchhead:...does that make sense? Maybe not. ...but my point is, life is much more enjoyable when you stop obsessing about what every little thing looks like on the outside...and start focusing on the little things that are on the inside.


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wow I love hearing this.
> 
> I once heard on the radio that a group of marines were interviewed and the majority liked a girl with a little 'meat on their bones'. The reason? They relax and enjoy life. Instead of ordering the salad, they enjoy the cheeseburger. Apparently the view among that group was that the women who weren't very thin and fit were inclined to enjoy 'sins of the flesh' including foods. Hence my occasional reference to hedonistic tendencies.
> 
> And I stopped to get rum (for coke), Irish cream (for coffee) and vodka (for OJ/tomato juice) in the event I don't leave the house at all tomorrow. (I already have milk, bread and plenty of food.) But with kiddo home due to the weather, odds are there will be no sex - alone or otherwise!:rofl:


Like seeks like - ALWAYS! 

If you're a chubby girl and you enjoy yourself, you're going to end up getting a chubby guy that like you too. People put too much emphasis into looks and people who they think will like them, but the odds are if you do this you're going to get someone who just wants to change you. If you go out there relax and not looking you're probably going to find someone that likes you as you are. 

I can testify as a sailor, we loved all women. But the majority had a secret thing for the chubby girls. And it's not about their preference or anything having to do with "sins of the flesh". When you're away from home for that long you end up looking for people who remind you of home. I've seen guys that dating passed up beautiful blondes to date the one black chick on base, their first interracial relationship ever, because they said they she reminded them of someone.


----------



## Nsweet

Wait I also forgot to say something. And I'm sure NE has experienced this.

In the Navy there were girls that went after sailors for one specific reason. Because they had not seen women in a long time and they did not know when they next time they would be having sex again, unless they were married. I've actually heard it from women in bars in NY about how "those guys f*ck like their life depends on it."

I think it's the same way with the divorced crowd that's healed from all the pain. You eventually stop caring about the outcome and live in the moment, when you give up. That's when it seems like these "bad boys" are born and divorced women will take you home and wear you out without thinking twice about what people think of her. 

Who knew divorce can lead to having a lot of fun later on?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Ugh speaking of snow...I have to go shovel the end of my driveway so I don't get stuck like I did coming home from work. If I can even shovel it, its probably a block of ice.
> 
> I am so sick of this winter. -30 degree windchills for days on end and snow that just doesn't quit.
> 
> Time to go freeze my ass off and barely make a dent in my driveway
> 
> (yes I'm whining and complaining, lol)


Tell me about it lol
If I was closer I would stop by and clear you out!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm sure some chunky girls are willing to take whatever crumbs come their way but what I really mean is we are generally less uptight. I learned long ago that confidence and enthusiasm go just as far as as trying to be 'perfect'.


----------



## Pbartender

Get on your bikes and ride.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Tell me about it lol
> If I was closer I would stop by and clear you out!


Wouldn't it be the other way around??

Hey-o

LMAO


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm sure some chunky girls are willing to take whatever crumbs come their way but what I really mean is we are generally less uptight. I learned long ago that confidence and enthusiasm go just as far as as trying to be 'perfect'.


I am positive that most of those 'perfect' ladies could not hold a candle stick to you. 

I look at healthy living not as a matter of size but from other hidden factors. So size is not a distraction as unhealthy would be. 

For me, my genetic 'ticking bomb' is coronary disease. I try to fight my _genetic mean_ by exercising like a lunatic and conscious about my diet to push that _mean_ value toward a favorable standard deviation as mush as possible.


----------



## Morgiana

And I'm tall and skinny and cant do a thing about it . I feel most comfortable in my skin when I'm playing sports, so guess what I like to do . It's all about finding what fits and enjoying it !


----------



## Dollystanford

I put a picture of my hat's thighs up in my private album


----------



## Dollystanford

Also, I would say that I'm a lot more confident in my body now I'm older. How many 20 year old stick insects moan about their thighs looking fat? Now I may work out five times a week and have an ass that could crush a man but my body isn't perfect by any means. But I feel a lot better about it than I did when I was a miniscule 18 year old


----------



## Nsweet

So I'm watching this show on TLC called *"90 Day Fiance"*, where these guys are bringing women from other countries home with them to marry them in 90s or they have to go back to their home country. And having flashbacks of my ex wife. It's not fun either. 

I see a lot of red flags 2 out of 3 of these women, many of which hit way too close to home. I'm actually pretty freaked out right now. And just seeing this... 1. I want to slap the sh!t out of these guys and yell some sense into them. You do not want to marry someone you do not know in person! You just can't know someone fully if you've only been interacting with them through a camera, because you two both put on appearances. And 2. I'm reminded of why I don't ever want to get married again. I probably will, matter of fact I can sense it's going to happen, but I never want to rush it again. 

If I could just write down some of the stuff I see half of you would get it right away. It's like if she just seems too perfect, just you wait... That girl has got a lot of problems she's hiding. If your friends don't like her and don't like your stories... You better keep your mind open and take note. A lot of the emotional abusers start out with a game of power play and manipulation, and lot of women can spot that from the beginning... Because women know how to spot crazy b!tches. So you should probably have them meet her or bring them along. Likewise a men know how to spot douche bags pretty easy. 

And the biggest one for me was that you gotta watch out for women that act up when they're not actively trying to impress you. It takes a lot to keep up appearances and when you see cracks and red flags, and little things that don't make sense, or they suddenly change and then change right back... RUN LIKE HELL!.... Because the women who are really good at keeping up the act will come out of that role a little bit, test your response to it, and then go back to the woman you think you're in love with. And if you see something that is just way over the top, like your perfect woman snaps at you with inappropriate levels of anger for something insignificant and then tries to sell you some excuse don't buy it. Everybody has a bad day, but they is talking about it and then there is red flags. That's why you always have to remember what your boundaries are and what your make or break stuff is.


----------



## Dollystanford

So Nsweet, what's your magic number? Because it sounds like you've shagged more women than Warren Beatty but you're only 12 so that can't be the case


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Get on your bikes and ride.


----------



## angelpixie

Dedicated2Her said:


> See, this is why I live in the south........efff this.





jpr said:


> I have a snow day too.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate the snow.


And I live in the flipping Rockies and we haven't had but a trace of snow since way before Christmas.


----------



## angelpixie

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm in agreement with Nsweet here. Slightly chubby is good. I know I'm all crossfit/paleo/fitness driven, but dang those slightly chubby girls can do some shiznat.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> So Nsweet, what's your magic number? Because it sounds like you've shagged more women than Warren Beatty but you're only 12 so that can't be the case


You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I've dated and kissed a hell of a lot more women than I've actually slept with. I can count them all on my fingers.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


>


Braggs unified theory of BADONKADONK!

Mass (of that ass) times the speed of "make it clap", over the velocity of "drop it like it's hot" squared, equals the speed of that which brings all the boys to the yard.:smthumbup: 

Tara's Badonkadonk - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> sooo wow yea unexpected... so slow hat asked if i was dating anyone ( as he has many times before) he even knew about killer after the fact.... so im honest, hes my friend right? told him im dating SA... wow yea he got pissy and a bit mean even... how many chances did this f'n guy get? WTF...
> 
> deleted again... whatever


This guy is a real piece of work! What did he say when you told him that you were sorry he felt that way? Did you tell him that you wanted something more w/ him and he didn't budge which has led you to date others? How did he respond and what did he say that was rude? Where'd you delete him from? Phone/website?

THIS is why I don't understand (some) men!



Dedicated2Her said:


> I've said it before, and I will say it again......STUPID. Feel free to disagree anyone. lol


Exactly!



whitehawk said:


> Yeah this is all sorta how me and beach house went a bit bananas . l basically cut and ran for the same reasons the first time, which only hurt her yet again of course after everything she'd been going through with her ex so the next time she was even more gaga . l gave up.


Wait a minute... I thought the beach chick was the one you were totally crazy about but she wasn't ready for YOU, not the other way around? So you faded her out? :scratchhead:

I hate the fade! Just own it!



Nsweet said:


> Can you imagine an emotional reanimated Frankenstein monster!?* He would go to work every morning for Republican National Committee (because he's already dead inside and ObamaCare can't help him.) *



This made me laugh out loud! So funny!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:



jpr said:


> I hate the snow.


Me, too. Woke up to it again today. Well, more specifically, I hate cold. I am so over winter. Need to move to Florida or Aruba or something. I am not built for the cold. 



Nsweet said:


> So I'm watching this show on TLC called *"90 Day Fiance"*, where these guys are bringing women from other countries home with them to marry them in 90s or they have to go back to their home country.
> 
> I see a lot of red flags 2 out of 3 of these women, many of which hit way too close to home. I'm actually pretty freaked out right now.


Really? To me the bigger red flags are the men bringing someone home after meeting them only on camera and marrying them within 90 days. Those girls are just working off an opportunity; they probably need citizenship or want to start a better life in another country so they agree to marry these men they know nothing about (crazy). And surely, those men are on their "best behavior." The entire idea gives me the heebie jeebies.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Also, I would say that I'm a lot more confident in my body now I'm older. How many 20 year old stick insects moan about their thighs looking fat? Now I may work out five times a week and have an ass that could crush a man but my body isn't perfect by any means. But I feel a lot better about it than I did when I was a miniscule 18 year old


I remember looking into the mirror when I was 20 and moaning about this or that. This was after losing 40 and being the lightest I'd ever been as an adult. Haha.

Ironically I'm now chasing and working towards that very thing I complained about. Our experiences through life level our heads, that's for sure. Plus back then I doubt many of us surrounded ourselves with people who accept us for who we are. Without enabling.


----------



## COGypsy

angelpixie said:


> And I live in the flipping Rockies and we haven't had but a trace of snow since way before Christmas.



It snowed on Monday here! That's plenty! Summer can feel free to arrive any moment--mama is ready to hit the links!


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> That's such a huge difference from the Engy and all the "why's" you were once asking.  :smthumbup:


The difference is i LOVED the engy and we were together for a while... slow i didn't love and we were never together


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Snowed in and no work today......what kind of mischief can we get into?


----------



## unsure78

Dolly I missed the thighs  boo


----------



## TheGoodGuy

unsure78 said:


> Dolly I missed the thighs  boo


Me too but I thought it might be weird for a guy to want to see another guys thighs. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

TheGoodGuy said:


> Me too but I thought it might be weird for a guy to want to see another guys thighs. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HA!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> The difference is i LOVED the engy and we were together for a while... slow i didn't love and we were never together


Yes, this new attitude will steer you in a better direction. Even if you fall for someone else again.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh the feelings of love.

Seems like a foreign language that I don't want to try to translate again. Yes the fear of getting hurt again outweighs wanting to fall in love again. 

Feeling guarded and slightly bitter this morning. 

Happy hump day!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh the feelings of love.
> 
> Seems like a foreign language that I don't want to try to translate again.


Love this! So true.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Snow day here, too, but since I'm dedicated and all, I'm at work. And here. 

To the other topic, yeah at 20 I was so worried about how I looked from every angle and super critical of everything from hair to thighs. I weighed 125 yet my daughter who is the same height is 150. I was skinny fat. Or just skinny. Kiddo is so solid from gymnastics and figure so cute... I can see now that fit and a few extra pounds is way prettier than when I was overly critical. Now I'm just eh - I like me; probably because I like who I am and not as worried about the outside. Sure I'd like to be hotter. I want to stay healthy so I'll get back to gym with friends-forever-hat. He's joining so he can go with me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Oh the feelings of love.
> 
> Seems like a foreign language that I don't want to try to translate again. Yes the fear of getting hurt again outweighs wanting to fall in love again.
> 
> Feeling guarded and slightly bitter this morning.
> 
> Happy hump day!


Cheer up butter cup.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh the feelings of love.
> 
> Seems like a foreign language that I don't want to try to translate again. Yes the fear of getting hurt again outweighs wanting to fall in love again.
> 
> Feeling guarded and slightly bitter this morning.
> 
> Happy hump day!


Its still scary VI... i really like SA and could see having real feelings for him... which means the potential for hurt is there but I dont want to live life in fear, I dont want to be looking back on my life and regret that I didn't live it... 

however I am more cautious...


----------



## jpr

It is scary.

...but, I believe it is ultimately worth the risk.

""Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh the feelings of love.
> 
> Seems like a foreign language that I don't want to try to translate again. Yes the fear of getting hurt again outweighs wanting to fall in love again.
> 
> Feeling guarded and slightly bitter this morning.
> 
> Happy hump day!


You'll change your mind, trust me.


----------



## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> And I live in the flipping Rockies and we haven't had but a trace of snow since way before Christmas.


I should have complained earlier -- we got over an inch of snow last night, and it's still coming down!! :corkysm60::corkysm60::smthumbup::smthumbup: :woohoo::woohoo:


----------



## In_The_Wind

Hey AP long time no see  yes I have finally arrived in the mingle with the singles thread lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> It is scary.
> 
> ...but, I believe it is ultimately worth the risk.
> 
> *""Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley*


Too bad my picker is broken and I can't seem to find those elusive ones worth suffering for, lol

Eh just reflecting I guess. I don't fall in love easy and the few times I have just leave me putting more walls up after the experience. 

The risk to benefit ratio doesn't make me want to invest.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh the feelings of love.
> 
> Seems like a foreign language that I don't want to try to translate again. Yes the fear of getting hurt again outweighs wanting to fall in love again.
> 
> Feeling guarded and slightly bitter this morning.
> 
> Happy hump day!





unsure78 said:


> Its still scary VI... i really like SA and could see having real feelings for him... which means the potential for hurt is there but I dont want to live life in fear, I dont want to be looking back on my life and regret that I didn't live it...
> 
> however I am more cautious...


In the same boat. Not sure if that's why friend-forever-hat is still in the running. Safe. Do I want to never feel love? Is it overrated? I'm afraid if I don't stay with FFhat that I may never find anyone else. Which is better? Ug.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Too bad my picker is broken and I can't seem to find those elusive ones worth suffering for, lol
> 
> Eh just reflecting I guess. I don't fall in love easy and the few times I have just leave me putting more walls up after the experience.
> 
> The risk to benefit ratio doesn't make me want to invest.


My picker is broken too, but unlike you, I fall in love WAY too easliy.  I am in a weird place right now.


----------



## jpr

I have only been in love twice in my life.

1st love: Sasquatch

2nd love: My SailorHat <---this one is new.

I naturally have walls up...constantly. But, one thing I learned in my failure of a marriage to Sasquatch is that I need to let those walls come down a bit and take a risk. I my marriage to Sasquatch, I could see how I defended my heart from him by placing walls up. 

This time around, I am really focusing on letting those down. ...and feeling. Being vulnerable. I don't think I ever let Sasquatch see me vulnerable until the very end of our marriage. 

But, yes. It is hard to find a person worthy of all this. Ultimately, no one is really worthy of the risk we take with our hearts--we are all flawed. But, it is hard to find the person who you want to take this leap with.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yesterday, in rush hour, I was thinking to myself that maybe I should approach love practically. Meaning, be with someone who doesn't light my fires but he will be good to me. is that bad? I promised myself after my exH that I would find someone and be w/ them but not for love again because I already did that.

Then it seemed silly. 

When I love, it is a deep love that stays with me for a long time. I have never bee none to go from relationship to relationship. The few times I meet someone with the "sparkle" it really really gets me.

But it's like when love comes knocking, it totally disarms me. I am never prepared for it and can't stand a chance against it and it's like my body gets stolen by an alien. It is magical, fantastic and scary as hell all at the same time.


----------



## lisab0105

EnjoliWoman said:


> Snow day here, too, but since I'm dedicated and all, I'm at work. And here.
> 
> To the other topic, yeah at 20 I was so worried about how I looked from every angle and super critical of everything from hair to thighs. I weighed 125 yet my daughter who is the same height is 150. I was skinny fat. Or just skinny. Kiddo is so solid from gymnastics and figure so cute... I can see now that fit and a few extra pounds is way prettier than when I was overly critical. Now I'm just eh - I like me; probably because I like who I am and not as worried about the outside. Sure I'd like to be hotter. I want to stay healthy so I'll get back to gym with friends-forever-hat. He's joining so he can go with me.


I have thick solid thighs like a thoroughbred, hated them when I was in my late teens into early twenties. I wanted the skinny chicken legs like all my friends...I got over it and they're my favorite part of my body now.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I have thick solid thighs like a thoroughbred, hated them when I was in my late teens into early twenties. I wanted the skinny chicken legs like all my friends...I got over it and they're my favorite part of my body now.


As they say on the internets, it's a lie unless you have pictures!


----------



## Jellybeans

See, I have a guy friend who is so kind to me and I know likes me and he would probably make a great husband. But I am not at all attracted to him. I have tried to be. But physically it's just not there for me. Doy.


----------



## COGypsy

angelpixie said:


> I should have complained earlier -- we got over an inch of snow last night, and it's still coming down!! :corkysm60::corkysm60::smthumbup::smthumbup: :woohoo::woohoo:


You just be sure to keep it all! It's supposed to snow in Denver tonight and tomorrow and I'm just over it. I think probably the only thing I really truly miss about being married is having someone to drive me on snow days!


----------



## Morgiana

Jellybeans said:


> Yesterday, in rush hour, I was thinking to myself that maybe I should approach love practically. Meaning, be with someone who doesn't light my fires but he will be good to me. is that bad? I promised myself after my exH that I would find someone and be w/ them but not for love again because I already did that.
> 
> Then it seemed silly.
> 
> When I love, it is a deep love that stays with me for a long time. I have never bee none to go from relationship to relationship. The few times I meet someone with the "sparkle" it really really gets me.
> 
> But it's like when love comes knocking, it totally disarms me. I am never prepared for it and can't stand a chance against it and it's like my body gets stolen by an alien. It is magical, fantastic and scary as hell all at the same time.


JB, I must admit that my ex for me was not a burning love, it was more of a warm fire; we were best friends for a while before getting married, but I can't say I ever had any passion for him. And this translated into my sex life; I had sex because I wanted him to be happy and I found some enjoyment in it, but in over 10 years, I had an 'O' maybe x2. 

It was only after falling romantically in love, where I have come to appreciate the emotional connection that one can have as well as physical. I want to be-bop.... hummm... I need a name... monkey-hat because I want that closeness with him as well. Even if things never work out between us, I have been grateful to have been able to have the love I've had with him in my life. 

-M


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> See, I have a guy friend who is so kind to me and I know likes me and he would probably make a great husband. But I am not at all attracted to him. I have tried to be. But physically it's just not there for me. Doy.


I have a female friend who I used to be really into before I met the ex, we reconnected about a year or so ago. She's great and we get along very well but she's a friend and only a friend.

I've driven her to parties and she's picked me up when I needed a ride home (drunk). The thought of ruining a good friendship by pretending the attraction is more than it is, just isn't worth it.

She has a lot of amazing qualities, but she wants certain things that I don't feel would work well between us.


----------



## Ikaika

Ua ola loko i ke aloha.

Translation: Love gives life within.

Meaning: Love is imperative to one's mental, physical, emotional and spiritual welfare.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> The thought of ruining a good friendship by pretending the attraction is more than it is, just isn't worth it.


Yeah I have told him that myself--that I'd never jeopardize our friendship. I think I may have broken his heart a little. Thing is, it's never BEEN there for me. And years have gone by and that still hasn't changed.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> See, I have a guy friend who is so kind to me and I know likes me and he would probably make a great husband. But I am not at all attracted to him. I have tried to be. But physically it's just not there for me. Doy.


This is similar to how I felt about my exH. I thought he would make a great husband so I married him. 

I wasn't "hot to trot" for him like with other guys of my past and definitely never felt emotionally safe with him. But he was a "safe bet" (or so I thought) since he otherwise portrayed a "great husband" image. Too bad I overlooked the whole selfish cheater aspect since I was 22 and naive. :slap:


----------



## Jellybeans

Seems we can't win no matter what sometimes. Ugh.


----------



## Morgiana

Jellybeans said:


> Seems we can't win no matter what sometimes. Ugh.


I think it all depends on how you define win. If you define it by saying you need to be married, then yes, most of us here won't meet that criteria.

If however you define it by "I lived my life on my terms." I think most of us would make the pro-bowl. :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I have told him that myself--that I'd never jeopardize our friendship. I think I may have broken his heart a little. Thing is, it's never BEEN there for me. And years have gone by and that still hasn't changed.


She calls me buddy, which I think is great. Haha. Keeps things in perspective. Never had to discuss anything with her, simply respect her boundaries and enjoy the occasional time we go out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Morgiana said:


> I think it all depends on how you define win. If you define it by saying you need to be married, then yes, most of us here won't meet that criteria.


Oh that was not what I meant at all. I just meant "love." Marriage has zero appeal to me and isn't something I think i want to do again.


----------



## vi_bride04

drerio said:


> Ua ola loko i ke aloha.
> 
> Translation: Love gives life within.
> 
> Meaning: *Love is imperative to one's mental, physical, emotional and spiritual welfare.*


I love this, but it makes me extremely sad at the same time.


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## Dollystanford

I have to want to rip someone's clothes off. Everything else could be perfect but if that's not there it's no cigar
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> See, I have a guy friend who is so kind to me and I know likes me and he would probably make a great husband. But I am not at all attracted to him. I have tried to be. But physically it's just not there for me. Doy.


I think there has to be attraction or atleast potential attraction, but it doesn't have to be love at first sight. Sometimes it takes trying to figure it out, but you can usually tell right away if the attraction builds versus going the wrong direction. For me a lot of things that i find appealing now i didn't at first, including the physical looks of many women. I occasionally look back at something i missed and say "damm why didn't I notice how beautiful that girl who liked me back then was". When you can respect someone and feel safe opening up and it is mutual that is a relationship of great value and deserves to be explored.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Marriage has zero appeal to me and isn't something I think i want to do again.


I battle with this. I'm not sure I can do it again.


----------



## COGypsy

Dedicated2Her said:


> I battle with this. I'm not sure I can do it again.


I can't imagine why I _need_ to do it again. Such a waste of money and energy. Maybe far down the road I could see living with someone again, but all of the so-called "benefits" of marriage can be secured with other legal documents, so why bother?


----------



## lisab0105

COGypsy said:


> I can't imagine why I _need_ to do it again. Such a waste of money and energy. Maybe far down the road I could see living with someone again, but all of the so-called "benefits" of marriage can be secured with other legal documents, so why bother?


Because there are no two words sexier then "My husband" or "My wife". 

My heart has been kicked around and thrown down the garbage disposal in LTR's. But I still look forward to someone loving me and trusting me enough to want me to be their wife someday.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> When you can respect someone and feel safe opening up and it is mutual that is a relationship of great value and deserves to be explored.


True. But this has to be there, IMO:



Lon said:


> I think there has to be attraction or atleast potential attraction


If not, no dice. Which is the entire issue with the guy I mentioned. I don't get excited about him in that way.



Dedicated2Her said:


> I battle with this. I'm not sure I can do it again.


Oh you CAN. The question is, do you want to?



COGypsy said:


> I can't imagine why I _need_ to do it again. Such a waste of money and energy. Maybe far down the road I could see living with someone again, but all of the so-called "benefits" of marriage can be secured with other legal documents, so why bother?


This is my way of thinking, too. It'd be nice to find a companion to share my life with again. But all of those legalities and whatnot...for what? Already did that. And if what I thought was so right, with something as huge as marriage, then I'm not sure I am sold on the fact it couldn't not happen again, you know?

I really enjoyed being married, loved being a wife. But that is something I only wanted to do once and I already have.

But with divorce comes a loss of naivity. The veil gets lifted. you can't un-see what you saw ever again.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> I can't imagine why I _need_ to do it again. Such a waste of money and energy. Maybe far down the road I could see living with someone again, but all of the so-called "benefits" of marriage can be secured with other legal documents, so why bother?


Up here, being together long enough pretty much entitles one like a marriage. To me, marriage is the ultimate commitment and I'm looking forward to calling someone "my wife" again.

No rush though. Haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lisab & Daddio - we may have a connection here. LOL.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Lisab & Daddio - we may have a connection here. LOL.


I read her reply afterwards and laughed.


----------



## Dollystanford

I swore I'd never get married again but I could be persuaded 
No bridezilla crap though - me and him, on a beach, super duper
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I swore I'd never get married again but I could be persuaded
> No bridezilla crap though - me and him, on a beach, super duper
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Regardless of how our marriage went, I can admit that our wedding was exactly how I wanted it. A small backyard wedding, paid for in cash and I even handed out the food.

To go into debt, to tie the knot? Yeah ... no.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Lisab & Daddio - we may have a connection here. LOL.


:iagree:


----------



## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> I swore I'd never get married again but I could be persuaded
> No bridezilla crap though - me and him, on a beach, super duper
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I got married on the beach, during sunset in the Virgin Islands on the Summer Solstice with just us 2.

Makes me disappointed I used my dream wedding up on him. 

Ahhh well.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I swore I'd never get married again but I could be persuaded
> No bridezilla crap though - me and him, on a beach, super duper
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why even formalize it with public ceremony though (even if the wedding is low key)? why overcomplicate things in case years down the road either of you want to move to different pastures?

I suppose i still have to be proven wrong in my opinion that the only reason to is for religious beliefs or else to have children and create a family.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha, Vi. I also had my dream wedding. On a beach, on an island, overseas. It was perfect. 

Never again.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I suppose i still have to be proven wrong in my opinion that the only reason to is for religious beliefs or else to have children and create a family.


Don't forget tax purposes, having someone sign for you if ou are sick, $, etc.

But see, to me, those things don't even matter enough to want to get married.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha, Vi. I also had my dream wedding. On a beach, on an island, overseas. It was perfect.
> 
> <snip>


I told you have many relatives here, some who are still single


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. It wasn't THAT island but yeah, your nephew is hot from what I saw and if he never wants to get married, it may work.  

Thanks for looking out, Uncle Drerio (See and you're also already my Uncle). Haha.

By the way, offtopic, but parents really like me. Of the men I have dated and been involved with or not involved with. My entire life. Idk what is up with that. My mom has a friend who is constantly trying to set me up with her son and she says I am he pseudo-daughter. Hahaha.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Lisab & Daddio - we may have a connection here. LOL.


Perhaps...darn geography


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Oh you CAN. The question is, do you want to?


That is a true story. I'm still tired from the first go. I don't really want to at this point. Most likely, I will have that desire again, probably with the current gf.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Don't forget tax purposes, having someone sign for you if ou are sick, $, etc.
> 
> But see, to me, those things don't even matter enough to want to get married.


Tax purposes my ass!!!

Always always always owed the IRS when filing married. I think it was the "married no offspring" penalty. And it was always around $2k that we owed.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Tax purposes my ass!!!
> 
> Always always always owed the IRS when filing married. I think it was the "married no offspring" penalty. And it was always around $2k that we owed.


Yep--lived together 5 years, got money back every year. Married 5 years, tax bill was in the thousands every time. Same house, same jobs, everything the same except we had some extra jewelry to wear.

The only tax break is for married couples who have huge earning disparities, huge mortgages or children. For married couples where income is roughly equal, childfree and without brand new mortgages, you pretty much take up the <bleep> when it comes to taxes.

Medical and financial power of attorney is a form that takes 5 minutes to fill out and execute. Plus, no filing fees if you decide to separate!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Perhaps...darn geography


More like darn kids! Ha.


----------



## vi_bride04

So since its hump day - time to bust out the dating plans

Anyone got any dates lined up??

I haven't heard from shrink4menhat since Friday and I have sent a couple of texts since. 

Parole hat texts me daily and wants to hang out. I may go shoot pool with him before the weekend or something fun like that. 

No other potentials and I have quit looking on POF.


----------



## Lon

I know it's not exactly romantic, but it's prudent to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding to invite the government into your nuptials. If you want to share some sort of vows with the person you love most on a beach, just go do it. If you want your close friends and family there too, invite them, if you want ceremony go ahead and plan it. I just don't see how inviting the head of state in to officiate it and draw up a slew of legal forms adds any romance to the occasion.

(I find it sad that the most photographed and cherished memory is always the signing of the government paperwork)


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> More like darn kids! Ha.


Them too...so many obstacles. Oh well


----------



## Dollystanford

I like to be able to say 'this is my husband'

rather than 'this is my life partner/boyfriend/close personal companion/significant other/dude I love to f*ck'


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> I like to be able to say 'this is my husband'
> 
> rather than 'this is my life partner/boyfriend/close personal companion/significant other/dude I love to f*ck'


Do you really have to say all of that every time, though? I would think you could shorten that a bit.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Do you really have to say all of that every time, though? I would think you could shorten that a bit.


hmm i would go with love to f#ck


----------



## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> Do you really have to say all of that every time, though? I would think you could shorten that a bit.


Like DILF.


----------



## Jellybeans

You guys are so un-ladylike. 

I would just say "Hi, this is X. We're lovers." 

God knows I need a lover. (Please, God. I am praying every day). ::hope He hears me::

Hee.


----------



## Dollystanford

this is my sexy sex partner


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> You guys are so un-ladylike.
> 
> I would just say "Hi, this is X. We're lovers."
> 
> God knows I need a lover. (Please, God. I am praying every day). ::hope He hears me::
> 
> Hee.


It's all in how you say it though..... You should introduce him as your Luh-VAH. That's romantic and endearing. Nobody wants to meet a regular plain old LUH-ver. :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Do you really have to say all of that every time, though? I would think you could shorten that a bit.





unsure78 said:


> hmm i would go with love to f#ck





EnjoliWoman said:


> Like DILF.





Jellybeans said:


> You guys are so un-ladylike.
> 
> I would just say "Hi, this is X. We're lovers."
> 
> God knows I need a lover. (Please, God. I am praying every day). ::hope He hears me::
> 
> Hee.





Dollystanford said:


> this is my sexy sex partner


"Allow me to introduce you to my Hat-Trick."


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Them too...so many obstacles. Oh well


Damn game we call Life, always getting in the way of what could be a great thing.

Smh.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I like to be able to say 'this is my husband'
> 
> rather than 'this is my life partner/boyfriend/close personal companion/significant other/dude I love to f*ck'


...labels... If i were to wed again i wouldn't actually make it "legal" since common law couples have all same practical benefits as a legally wed couple (except the privilege of changing your name for free). But then I'm a bit of an anarchist at heart.


----------



## Nsweet

I don't know about these introductions. If you introduce a woman you're f*cking as your friend, she get's upset. Because she's more to you than a "friend". If you introduce her as your "sex partner", she get's upset. Because it's demeaning and makes her look like a sl*t. 

I prefer "This is my special lady" and just leave it at that. Everyone knows "special" means you two do stuff with each other, but it's a kind enough that you can introduce each other to friends and they don't get the wrong idea.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> If you introduce a woman you're f*cking as your friend, she get's upset. Because she's more to you than a "friend". If you introduce her as your "sex partner", she get's upset. Because it's demeaning and makes her look like a sl*t.
> 
> *I prefer "This is my special lady"*


:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Sure fire way to get a punch in the balls honey
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Dollystanford said:


> Sure fire way to get a punch in the balls honey
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. That still says "girl I sleep with". What she probably wants to hear is "girlfriend". It's much safer to say "This is Becky". A little tricky if she's Megan, but try it.


----------



## lisab0105

What ever happened to "I'd like you to meet the woman I am seeing, this is ____."


----------



## vi_bride04

HAHAHA I was just going to say...

"Special lady? What do you mean special lady? Does that mean I am more than just your fvck buddy or just your current fvck buddy? I think we need to discuss where this relationship is going"


----------



## Ikaika

I am so glad I am married and not dating any of the ladies here. I would hate hear how I would be introduced 

No need for input, my ego is very fragile


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> What ever happened to "I'd like you to meet the woman I am seeing, this is ____."


That smells too much like commitment! *gasp!*


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> HAHAHA I was just going to say...
> 
> "Special lady? What do you mean special lady? Does that mean I am more than just your fvck buddy or just your current fvck buddy? I think we need to discuss where this relationship is going"


HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!

oooo NSweet you got the realtionship question... lol you are in trouble now


----------



## In_The_Wind

Rough crowd in here lol I would just say this is my gf ....enjoli woman .. jk hun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Morgiana

Jellybeans said:


> But with divorce comes a loss of naivity. The veil gets lifted. you can't un-see what you saw ever again.


Preach it sister. The last of the innocence I had was burned out of me. Kinda feel like the main character in polar express when he rings the bell and can no longer hear it...


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Sure fire way to get a punch in the balls honey
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





EnjoliWoman said:


> Yep. That still says "girl I sleep with". What she probably wants to hear is "girlfriend". It's much safer to say "This is Becky". A little tricky if she's Megan, but try it.





vi_bride04 said:


> HAHAHA I was just going to say...
> 
> "Special lady? What do you mean special lady? Does that mean I am more than just your fvck buddy or just your current fvck buddy? I think we need to discuss where this relationship is going"





unsure78 said:


> HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> oooo NSweet you got the realtionship question... lol you are in trouble now


Whatever ladies. Whatever.

You're never going to be able to please a woman all the time without something stupid being brought into question. It's like trying to make a cat happy by petting non stop. You can't do it. 

The only way you're going to marginally succeed if she brings up an argument over something like this.... The "What's that supposed to mean!? *Deep breath* "Blah blah blah, hellfire and damnation." And you just let her have this one. "Yup... yup.... You were right.... Yup." Or walk away.

If you ladies don't want to be considered "special" then you can be lonely. Your call. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that some women would rather be complaining than let sh!t go and be happy.


----------



## Ikaika

I hope my last comment was not offensive. It was meant to be lighthearted.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Whatever ladies. Whatever.
> 
> You're never going to be able to please a woman all the time without something stupid being brought into question. It's like trying to make a cat happy by petting non stop. You can't do it.
> 
> The only way you're going to marginally succeed if she brings up an argument over something like this.... The "What's that supposed to mean!? *Deep breath* "Blah blah blah, hellfire and damnation." And you just let her have this one. "Yup... yup.... You were right.... Yup." Or walk away.
> 
> If you ladies don't want to be considered "special" then you can be lonely. Your call. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that some women would rather be complaining than let sh!t go and be happy.


I don't know much about game playing, but i have learned that women respond favorably (by that i mean sexually) to me when i say: "you know what honey, you are absolutely right..." And the magic part is that it doesn't have to be entirely true yet it still has the same affect. Of course when there is more truth to it my job is even easier.


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> I don't know much about game playing, but i have learned that women respond favorably (by that i mean sexually) to me when i say: "you know what honey, you are absolutely right..." And the magic part is that it doesn't have to be entirely true yet it still has the same affect. Of course when there is more truth to it my job is even easier.


Absolutely right Lon. You have something there.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> I don't know much about game playing, but i have learned that women respond favorably (by that i mean sexually) to me when i say: "you know what honey, you are absolutely right..." And the magic part is that it doesn't have to be entirely true yet it still has the same affect. Of course when there is more truth to it my job is even easier.


That was how I got through my divorce Scott free. "You're right honey.... It's all my fault. I'm an assh*le and I don't deserve you, but OM does." I wasn't lying either, it was the truth.... Those two idiots deserve each other.:rofl:

Agreeing this way works by massaging the ego and getting them to lower their defenses. She's not going to keep attacking you when you're giving her permission to and not fighting back, but not standing down either. It's no fun that way. It also works better if you can look her in the eyes while your holding her because then she's going to soften her attack, and it's easier to hug afterwards.


----------



## Another Planet

How To Move On - YouTube


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> How To Move On - YouTube


That was awesome!


----------



## angelpixie

As seen on the FB today:











Made me think of a lot of the folks on this thread, who no longer 'believe.'


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> That was awesome!


I know right!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Both awesome links.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmm parole hat......not sure if I can resist much longer


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> What ever happened to "I'd like you to meet the woman I am seeing, this is ____."


Which brings about another debate. What does it mean if you are "seeing" someone versus "dating" someone? 



drerio said:


> I am so glad I am married and not dating any of the ladies here. I would hate hear how I would be introduced


Haha!



In_The_Wind said:


> Rough crowd in here lol I would just say this is my gf ....enjoli woman .. jk hun


:smthumbup:



angelpixie said:


> Made me think of a lot of the folks on this thread, who no longer 'believe.'


Oh I believe. I BELIEVE because not only is it a new year's resolution of mine to have some sex this year, it is GOING to happen because I am going to WILL it to! HAHAHAHA

When Nsweet said, "This is my special lady," the idea I had in my mind was this guy saying it:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmm parole hat......not sure if I can resist much longer


If you want to break the cycle and feel better about yourself (in the long run), I'd suggest waiting 2-3x longer than you normally would.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hahahaha the ladies man. Love it, JB


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Which brings about another debate. What does it mean if you are "seeing" someone versus "dating" someone?


They could both mean committed, while dating leaves it more open for seeing them casually.

At least that's my take on it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> Whatever ladies. Whatever.
> 
> If you ladies don't want to be considered "special" then you can be lonely. Your call. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that some women would rather be complaining than let sh!t go and be happy.


It's one thing to say TO her that she is a special lady. But introducing someone as such feels creepy. I would almost expect leering to come along with "She's my 'special' lady". I know I'm special - therefore I'm fine without defining a relationship and would prefer "This is Enjoli" - because THAT implies whoever I'm being introduced to already knows who I am. And that means the guy has told people about me. And THAT is special. 

That's just me - whatever works for you.


----------



## muskrat

I have always preferred "this is *******". If I am introducing her to family or a close friend, they already would know there is something special about her. If I was introducing her to a casual acquaintance, it is none of their business what the nature of our relationship is. Then again what do I know, I am certainly no "ladies man".


----------



## jpr

That is how I introduce my hat, Muskrat, to my friends.

And as far as the difference between 'seeing' and 'dating'....to me, it seems like a matter of syntax. If you really want to know where you stand, just ask your partner for clarification.


----------



## unsure78

VI was parole hat the one without a job or car and you paid for the date? 

hmmm......I know getting attention is very very nice but I think you deserve better than that, you are a successful woman


----------



## lisab0105

Seeing someone and dating someone mean the same thing to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> If you want to break the cycle and feel better about yourself (in the long run), I'd suggest waiting 2-3x longer than you normally would.


Vi, I am going to agree with Daddio here. The reason is because you said you would like to make a change of not sleeping with people early on so this is the perfect experiment to try it on. Wait a little longer than you normally would. How many times have you been out with him?


I thought the "special lady" comment was just Nsweet trying to be funny. Haha. Unless I was wrong, which would make it even MORE funny. It's so silly that it's comedic. Nsweet saying, "This is my special lady" (raising eyebrow mischeviously).



EnjoliWoman said:


> I know I'm special - therefore I'm fine without defining a relationship and would prefer "This is Enjoli" - because THAT implies whoever I'm being introduced to already knows who I am. And that means the guy has told people about me. And THAT is special.


Right, but what if they don't know you? (The person you are being introduced to? For example, I went out on a date with this guy and on the second outing, we ran into his acquaintance. He said "This is my friend, Jelly." Then on our third date he introduced me as "This is Jelly." I don't know if the person he introduced me to knew about me before or not. I assumed not but wtf do I know. I think it's safer to say "This is [insert name]." But then some women may jump on a guy saying "Why didn't you say this is my girlfriend?" Who knows!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Vi, I am going to agree with Daddio here. The reason is because you said you would like to make a change of not sleeping with people early on so this is the perfect experiment to try it on. Wait a little longer than you normally would. How many times have you been out with him?


It should be communicated to him as well. See how he takes it.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> That was how I got through my divorce Scott free. "You're right honey.... It's all my fault. I'm an assh*le and I don't deserve you, but OM does." I wasn't lying either, it was the truth.... Those two idiots deserve each other.:rofl:
> 
> Agreeing this way works by massaging the ego and getting them to lower their defenses. She's not going to keep attacking you when you're giving her permission to and not fighting back, but not standing down either. It's no fun that way. It also works better if you can look her in the eyes while your holding her because then she's going to soften her attack, and it's easier to hug afterwards.


When i was going thru my divorce there were no hugs, i was stone cold to her. It was cold hard facts and there was nothing she could demand that i either hadn't already conceded or else she had no ground to stand upon for. I certainly didn't do any ego stroking to keep what was mine and make her take what was hers.

Telling someone they are right is only for those you respect


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmm parole hat......not sure if I can resist much longer


Sorry to say, but to an uneducated ear that comes across sounding a little pathetic...lol. Of course that's because "parole" has an obvious negative connotation to me...


----------



## Pbartender

*Seeing someone:* Any person who is within your visual range.

*Dating someone:* Cutting someone in half and counting their rings to find out how old they are.


----------



## lisab0105

> Jellybeans said:
> 
> 
> 
> Vi, I am going to agree with Daddio here. The reason is because you said you would like to make a change of not sleeping with people early on so this is the perfect experiment to try it on. Wait a little longer than you normally would. How many times have you been out with him?
> 
> 
> 
> Hold out until you can see, hear and feel his actual feelings for you without the sex.
Click to expand...


----------



## muskrat

This is a little off topic, but I was wondering. Did those of you with children find that co parenting was easier once the divorce was final?


----------



## Another Planet

pbartender said:


> *seeing someone:* any person who is within your visual range.
> 
> *dating someone:* cutting someone in half and counting their rings to find out how old they are.


lol :d


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> This is a little off topic, but I was wondering. Did those of you with children find that co parenting was easier once the divorce was final?


For me there was no difference between "separated" and "divorce" as far as co-parenting, but then i didn't have an in-house or trial separation. Before my ex had her own apartment and was living with friends co-parenting was a little tricky. And again when she started a new relationship and now got remarried it has become trickier again.


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> This is a little off topic, but I was wondering. Did those of you with children find that co parenting was easier once the divorce was final?


It was the same for me, Muskrat. No difference.

Our official separation was well over a year. Our separation documents were the same as our divorce. Actually, after all the divorce agreements were agreed upon (all the money stuff and custody stuff) things eventually got easier.

I feel like we are pretty good co-parents...but, I have my son 75% of the time, so I make all the decisions anyway. I think it might be more difficult for me if we had 50/50 custody.


----------



## muskrat

I just feel I will be better at communicating with my ex when everything is final. We have been at this going on 4 years (separated 2). Seems like everything said or done is used against me in court. That and well we are at war so to speak. I just feel once the "war" is over we will be able to work together better for the kids. Maybe I am mistaken about this.


----------



## jpr

We went to co-parenting counseling at the start of our separation...even though our son was only 8 months old. 

But, it helped. ..because we both followed the advice of the co-parenting counselor.

I think that I struggled with things at first, but once the negotiations were over and I came to terms to the inevitability of the divorce, I was able to co-parent and communicate better with him.

When I TRULY detached, it made things easier. He was detached from the start...but, I wasn't.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> This is a little off topic, but I was wondering. Did those of you with children find that co parenting was easier once the divorce was final?


time was the only thing that has made coparenting better for me Rat


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> VI was parole hat the one without a job or car and you paid for the date?
> 
> hmmm......I know getting attention is very very nice but I think you deserve better than that, you are a successful woman


Yes that is him. And yes, maybe I do deserve better. I really got to try to stop little VI from doing the thinking 



Jellybeans said:


> Vi, I am going to agree with Daddio here. The reason is because you said you would like to make a change of not sleeping with people early on so this is the perfect experiment to try it on. Wait a little longer than you normally would. How many times have you been out with him?


That was date #4. Since I have been sleeping on date #1 (when doing the casual stuff, not since dating off of POF) this is definitely a lot longer of a wait.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> This is a little off topic, but I was wondering. Did those of you with children find that co parenting was easier once the divorce was final?


Yes absolutely. Since we got the final paperwork signed by the judge she is a whole different person. It's like she took down the red war flag and put up the white surrender flag and said "oh you were actually serious"...:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

muskrat said:


> I just feel I will be better at communicating with my ex when everything is final. We have been at this going on 4 years (separated 2). Seems like everything said or done is used against me in court. That and well we are at war so to speak. I just feel once the "war" is over we will be able to work together better for the kids. Maybe I am mistaken about this.


Likely.

But, that depends on her.


----------



## muskrat

I am struggling to work with the woman. She refuses to negotiate a settlement and it appears she is trying to cripple me for life. 
I have a hard time separating the parenting stuff from the divorce stuff. Even with the parenting stuff, anything I do causes her to run to her lawyer and threaten me.
I bought the kids new bikes last summer. I got a letter asking me to prove where I got the money. My daughter broke her collar bone on Christmas eve. I got a letter asking me to sign a paper saying I will get my exes written approval before I do any activity with the kids. My ex did not like the prescription my daughter was given. She refused to return it to me when we exchanged the kids and then had her lawyer send a letter saying I wasn't looking out for the best interest of our child. In that letter she also threatened to take me back to court over custody if I did not do as she asked. 
Through all this she still refuses to even attempt to settle the divorce. I sent her a settlement offer in Sept. I have received no reply. I am just sick of this all and feel that if the divorce was settled at least I would be able to move on from that and release my anger over that part.
On a side a note. When she asked that I get written approval before doing anything with the kids. My lawyer replied no. My ex in turn is taking me back to court for more child support.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> That was date #4. Since I have been sleeping on date #1 (when doing the casual stuff, not since dating off of POF) this is definitely a lot longer of a wait.


Don't focus on the number of dates, social "standards" mean nothing. Focus on you and the kind of person / relationship you want.


----------



## vi_bride04

Wow MR - sounds like you need a better lawyer. Or do you not have one?


----------



## angelpixie

We had all of our agreements in place before anything was filed as well. Co-parenting was a little rocky at the very beginning because we started things just before the school year, and we had to figure out how to handle overseeing homework, etc. But we got that figured out in short order. 

We were still pretty much in line with each other on what we wanted for DS, how badly we felt for destroying the world he'd gotten used to, and what we saw as important going forward. That all basically changed when Chinless got more into hanging out all the time with his (mostly single, all childless) grad school friends. Suddenly he was listening to them about how to be a parent. Many of them had parents who were divorced, and though they were all a mess, he listened to them when they told him what was and was not OK for DS. That was very frustrating for me.

And then, of course, when things got serious with Trampire, it all changed again. We, unfortunately, discuss very little about DS. He treats Trampire like his co-parent instead of me when he's making most decisions regarding DS. Mostly, we just talk about scheduling, and sharing major expenses. Our values are not nearly the same as they used to be. It's really hard to believe we were ever married and that I ever wanted to have children with him -- that's how different I feel we are.

Don't count on the adversarial relationship going away. It never really has for us. Chinless still assumes the worst about me, still considers himself the vastly superior parent, and most communication is stressful, even on a minor level. It could be better, but it isn't because he doesn't want it to be.

Just advocate for your kids, stand your ground, and learn relaxation breathing.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> I am struggling to work with the woman. She refuses to negotiate a settlement and it appears she is trying to cripple me for life.
> I have a hard time separating the parenting stuff from the divorce stuff. Even with the parenting stuff, anything I do causes her to run to her lawyer and threaten me.
> I bought the kids new bikes last summer. I got a letter asking me to prove where I got the money. My daughter broke her collar bone on Christmas eve. I got a letter asking me to sign a paper saying I will get my exes written approval before I do any activity with the kids. My ex did not like the prescription my daughter was given. She refused to return it to me when we exchanged the kids and then had her lawyer send a letter saying I wasn't looking out for the best interest of our child. In that letter she also threatened to take me back to court over custody if I did not do as she asked.
> Through all this she still refuses to even attempt to settle the divorce. I sent her a settlement offer in Sept. I have received no reply. I am just sick of this all and feel that if the divorce was settled at least I would be able to move on from that and release my anger over that part.
> On a side a note. When she asked that I get written approval before doing anything with the kids. My lawyer replied no. My ex in turn is taking me back to court for more child support.





vi_bride04 said:


> Wow MR - sounds like you need a better lawyer. Or do you not have one?


Give it back to her twice as hard, don't let her play games like this and your lawyer should be upping the ante. If she wants to try and make your life miserable, give it right back.

The only reason she does this is because she's grasping for straws.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> This is a little off topic, but I was wondering. Did those of you with children find that co parenting was easier once the divorce was final?


At the beginning co parenting was difficult and there was resistance. In January of 2013 we went to court for a case conference and that's when things became a lot easier. Mainly because most of what we (and her) were told there was exactly what I had been saying and doing since day one.

I filed a year and a half ago, while it's near the end (sitting in the system) I'm rather thankful it wasn't rushed. Mainly because things have happened during this time and I was able to revisit the proposed decree and revise it accordingly.

Although my ex isn't nearly as vindictive and I learned quite some time ago to not react to her emotional outbursts. Then again, I stopped mine as well and moved on. 

The paper signing won't change a thing, other than the ability to get remarried. Haha.


----------



## jpr

Wow. Your ex doesn't seem very smart, Muskrat.

All those silly letters from her lawyer...I bet her lawyer happily writes them, because the lawyer can then bill her extra for writing all those letters.

For me, I was very conscious of all the money that I was paying the lawyer...and I think Sasquatch was too. So, we worked a lot of things out in co-parenting counseling.

I wonder what your ex's lawyer bills are like??? That is crazy. ...and dumb.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> I just feel I will be better at communicating with my ex when everything is final. We have been at this going on 4 years (separated 2). Seems like everything said or done is used against me in court. That and well we are at war so to speak. I just feel once the "war" is over we will be able to work together better for the kids. Maybe I am mistaken about this.


Under those circumstances i think you are probably correct, once the legalities are set in stone the constant threat of retaliation will no longer loom. Seeing the judges signature on my divorce decree did bring a sense of relief.

About a year after that my ex started arguing with me about money (funny considering when she left she said she wanted nothing not even child support but i insisted on paying it) she said she could have demanded a lot more and threatened to take me to task - i just laughed at her (because we have a signed decree that binds our agreement).

But to bring this back on topic, the best part about the transition to divorced status is that you are completely morally and legally free to date and have relationships without that being able to be used against you in court.


----------



## unsure78

hmm getting all serious in this thread...

I think we should change that....my phrase of the day today is :

giant man dong 

enjoy!


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> hmm getting all serious in this thread...
> 
> I think we should change that....my phrase of the day today is :
> 
> *giant man dong*
> 
> *enjoy!*


I would if I could.


----------



## unsure78

please feel free to incorporate today's phrase into everyday conversation, like

I will be seeing SA giant man dong on sat....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> hmm getting all serious in this thread...
> 
> I think we should change that....my phrase of the day today is :
> 
> giant man dong
> 
> enjoy!


Where would that phrase be used? The oxford dictionary would probably read something like: "He arrived and parked his giant man dong in her giant dong garage, moving it in and out, wiggling back and forth trying to get the entry angle just right for a perfect fit."


----------



## Lon

"... Before unloading it's contents into the inner doorway"


----------



## jpr

Mmmmm....giant man dong.


----------



## vi_bride04

.....this is not helping me, all this talk about man dong


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Where would that phrase be used? The oxford dictionary would probably read something like: "He arrived and parked his giant man dong in her giant dong garage, moving it in and out, wiggling back and forth trying to get the entry angle just right for a perfect fit."


HAHAHAHAH love it! Lon


----------



## unsure78

or perhaps in Tommy Lee style:

he used his giant man dong to steer the boat....


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> Where would that phrase be used? The oxford dictionary would probably read something like: "He arrived and parked his giant man dong in *her giant dong garage*, moving it in and out, wiggling back and forth trying to get the entry angle just right for a perfect fit."


I hope her "garage" wasn't really _*giant *_


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> .....this is not helping me, all this talk about man dong


sorry just trying to lighten the mood...


----------



## jpr

Here is a giant man-made dong.


----------



## Jellybeans

An entire island


----------



## jpr

It could possibly fit into a garage like this....










But, once it is erected, I have a feeling that it won't be able to wiggle that much.

Maybe if a very strong wind came along it would be able to sway a bit.


----------



## lisab0105

jpr said:


> Here is a giant man-made dong.


Someone clearly had fellatio the brain when they designed that.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I hope her "garage" wasn't really _*giant *_


If it was he probably would not need to wiggle it in just to fit. But by geometric definition it needs to be atleast as giant as the dong which is parked within.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> An entire island


Sweet judas...Mother Nature is a dirty girl.


----------



## jpr

Okay....I'm going to go outside and play in the snow now. Maybe I will erect mine very own giant man-made dong?


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> If it was he probably would not need to wiggle it in just to fit. But by geometric definition it needs to be atleast as giant as the dong which is parked within.


But you still never want it to be as giant. That is where all the good feelings come in, because it doesn't exactly fit perfectly


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> giant man dong


The guy's only 5' 6" tall, so I wouldn't call him a giant, but...










Dong Dong, gold medal Olympic Trampoline Gymnast.


----------



## angelpixie

lisab0105 said:


> But you still never want it to be as giant. That is where all the good feelings come in, because it doesn't exactly fit perfectly



Amen, sister. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

News Reporter Draws Penis - YouTube


----------



## 06Daddio08

I learned the term "hotdog down a hallway" last year while camping with the guys. It was there way of predicting how it would feel like sticking it in on the loose woman trolling the campsites. Haha


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I learned the term "hotdog down a hallway" last year while camping with the guys. It was there way of predicting how it would feel like sticking it in on the loose woman trolling the campsites. Haha


I heard that term in a movie the other day and I have no idea which one.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I tried googling it, found this. Haha!


----------



## muskrat

Sorry for derailing the fun thread. Rant over!


----------



## unsure78

its your thread RAT!


----------



## muskrat

I think I just need to get laid! Sex makes everything better!!


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> its your thread RAT!


:iagree::rofl::iagree::rofl:

Rat--apparently there are quite a FEW of us that need to get laid. I pray this is the year of the SEX.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> I learned the term "hotdog down a hallway" last year while camping with the guys. It was there way of predicting how it would feel like sticking it in on the loose woman trolling the campsites. Haha


More like "throwing a giant man dong down an even more giant dong hallway"


----------



## unsure78

2014 not the year of the horse... 2014 is the year of sex...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Sorry for derailing the fun thread. Rant over!


That's a fun ghi.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> 2014 not the year of the horse... 2014 is the year of sex...


I said the SAME thing to myself after I posted it! HAHAHA


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> 2014 not the year of the horse... 2014 is the year of sex...





Jellybeans said:


> I said the SAME thing to myself after I posted it! HAHAHA


They could both still be relevant, it just needs to get ... hung ... up on for a while until you get it.


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> That's a fun ghi.


I thought it was a happy albino hiding in the dirt.


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## muskrat

Since you ladies are having so much fun talking about Dongs, I thought I would post this for the guys. 



I seem to be having problems copying and pasting.


----------



## Ikaika

muskrat said:


> Since you ladies are having so much fun talking about Dongs, I thought I would post this for the guys.
> 
> 
> 
> I seem to be having problems copying and pasting.


Here it is, for the guys. Ok, ladies nothing to see here, just keep moving:

Models of Hawaii - Bikini and Beach Edition - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

Looks like it's become



:smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

well it appears to be more 'thinking about massive wang' Thursday

and I'm no exception


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> well it appears to be more 'thinking about massive wang' Thursday
> 
> and I'm no exception


Maybe for those that have not.


----------



## vi_bride04

Man all these penis reference pictures

Forget being a better person, I want some orgasms...and lots of them


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Man all these penis reference pictures
> 
> Forget being a better person, I want some orgasms...and lots of them


umm im still voting not with parole hat, i really think you can do a looooot better VI... (lol as if i have veto power with your vajay jay)


----------



## Dollystanford

I think a groundswell of opinion can certainly turn Vi's fangita another way


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> umm im still voting not with parole hat, i really think you can do a looooot better VI... (lol as if i have veto power with your vajay jay)


If all she is wanting is some killer hat fun, then hey, why not. If she is looking for something REAL, then yeah, move along.


----------



## Ikaika

Hmm, interesting discussions here today. I think I have nothing to add.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

drerio said:


> Hmm, interesting discussions here today. I think I have nothing to add.


This is drerio being glad he is married!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> This is drerio being glad he is married!


Very much so, and to my beautiful bride of nearly 20 years.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> Very much so, and to my beautiful bride of nearly 20 years.


I'm married... To my lust and insatiable need to think and talk about sex, which is why I'm on this thread. When I'm not on this thread I'm probably out trying to get some (or atleast doing the groundwork survival stuff so that in the few occasions i have to get some i don't miss the opportunity to)


----------



## Dedicated2Her




----------



## unsure78

thats a lot of junk shaking right there D2H...


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I'm married... To my lust and insatiable need to think and talk about sex, which is why I'm on this thread. When I'm not on this thread I'm probably out trying to get some (or atleast doing the groundwork survival stuff so that in the few occasions i have to get some i don't miss the opportunity to)


So glad we can entertain you! LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Well guys, Social Media guy is still hitting me up. He sends me cutesy texts. I declined his offer for dinner out two weeks ago and he texted me yesterday. He is relentless. And he ended his text with "Kiss." He usually does and I don't get it. I told him I wasn't interested.

As for a guy I am interested in, last weekend I asked him if he wanted to hang and he never responded. First time he's never not responded to me. I want to sleep with him so bad.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Well guys, Social Media guy is still hitting me up. He sends me cutesy texts. I declined his offer for dinner out two weeks ago and he texted me yesterday. He is relentless. And he ended his text with "Kiss." He usually does and I don't get it. I told him I wasn't interested.
> 
> As for a guy I am interested in, last weekend I asked him if he wanted to hang and he never responded. First time he's never not responded to me. I want to sleep with him so bad.


JB, have you stopped responding to SMG?


----------



## Jellybeans

Well yesterday I texted him back since he asked how I was but I have not been out with him in awhile and definitely not after I said I did not think we were a match. It's like he doesn't care. When he was overseas, he kept reaching out to me and I wasn't responding at all. He came back and was inviting me to go downtown to him to dinner which I said no.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Well guys, Social Media guy is still hitting me up. He sends me cutesy texts. I declined his offer for dinner out two weeks ago and he texted me yesterday. He is relentless. And he ended his text with "Kiss." He usually does and I don't get it. I told him I wasn't interested.
> 
> As for a guy I am interested in, last weekend I asked him if he wanted to hang and he never responded. First time he's never not responded to me. I want to sleep with him so bad.


SMG thinks he can wear you down. 2nd guys is just not that into you.

Don't mind f*ck this. Just ask another guy what he thinks.


----------



## jpr

Don't go there with the parole guy, VI.

I'll usually be up to having a beer with just about anyone, but even I would decline an invitation from someone with those specs. 

You need someone who elevates you...even if it is just someone you are choosing to have a small 'adventure' with. This parole guy...I don't know.  ...in the end I think you would end up feeling worse about yourself. 

Patience might be key here.

...I know. easier said than done.


----------



## Dollystanford

What's he on parole for anyway?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Don't go there with the parole guy, VI.
> 
> I'll usually be up to having a beer with just about anyone, but even I would decline an invitation from someone with those specs.
> 
> You need someone who elevates you...even if it is just someone you are choosing to have a small 'adventure' with. This parole guy...I don't know.  ...in the end I think you would end up feeling worse about yourself.
> 
> Patience might be key here.
> 
> ...I know. easier said than done.


I think judging someone by there past mistakes isn't always right.

With that said, if he's not working his current full-time job should be finding a job.

If it's not, then he's not currently unemployed, he's just lazy.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I think judging someone by there past mistakes isn't always right.
> 
> With that said, if he's not working his current full-time job should be finding a job.
> 
> If it's not, then he's not currently unemployed, he's just lazy.


I think it always wise to take someone past into account because often people repeat behaviors... most people cannot change their core personality permanently, for a short time yes but long term no


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> SMG thinks he can wear you down. 2nd guys is just not that into you.
> 
> Don't mind f*ck this. Just ask another guy what he thinks.


Hehe. I figured as much. But what when guy 2 reappears? And I need some sex? LOL.

I agree with JPR about that one guy, Vi. I wouldn't be able to get excited a guy with no job/no car and he may have a felony. Would not be a turn on for my panty region. That's just me though.


----------



## jpr

Hey....I dated a guy for almost a year who didn't graduate high school. I didn't judge him by his past....because he currently had a job, was a good father, and learned from his mistakes.

This guy, though, is still on parole. I think I would wait a while on this one...until he is off of parole or has a job.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. I figured as much. But what when guy 2 reappears? And I need some sex? LOL.
> 
> I agree with JPR about that one guy, Vi. I wouldn't be able to get excited a guy with no job/no car and he may have a felony. Would not be a turn on for my panty region. That's just me though.


Is your self esteem so low that you would sleep with a guy who rejects you until *he* wants sex? You're better than a booty call.


----------



## Jellybeans

My self-esteem ain't low. I just need some sex.


----------



## Another Planet

I didn't graduate Highschool.....

I had a kid when I was 16 so I dropped out got my G.E.D. and got 3 jobs. Now I am a successful entrepreneur 

Vi it sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself about him...which means it isn't a FVCK yes which means it's a no. 
We gotta stick together on this FVCK yes stuff!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> If all she is wanting is some killer hat fun, then hey, why not. If she is looking for something REAL, then yeah, move along.


:smthumbup:

Pretty much thats all it would be. I decided on the first date even before the parole information that he was more than likely not long term potential but found him EXTREMELY attractive sexually. 

I guess I maybe plan B'd him? I was taking it slow and not jumping into anything physical until I could meet and figure out what was going on with shrink4men hat. He was the one I really saw actual relationship potential with. 

shrink4men hat let me know he is going to date someone else at the moment so that ship has sailed for now


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> My self-esteem ain't low. I just need some sex.


Then go pick up a guy at a bar, ride him hard, and send him packing. Don't waste your time trying to get to know a guy and create feelings for him, because that's what you're doing. You're going at this ass-backwards if you just want sex, and these guys know it. You're playing games here.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> What's he on parole for anyway?


Assault...beat up someone that was in his circle of "friends" that robbed him when he was on vacation. With his previous record that sealed the deal.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Assault...beat up someone that was in his circle of "friends" that robbed him when he was on vacation. With his previous record that sealed the deal.


And this doesn't raise red flags with you?


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> *Vi it sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself about him*...which means it isn't a FVCK yes which means it's a no.
> We gotta stick together on this FVCK yes stuff!


Nope, he's always been a fvck yes when it has come to wanting to bangity bang


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I think it always wise to take someone past into account because often people repeat behaviors... most people cannot change their core personality permanently, for a short time yes but long term no


Obviously you'd take it into account.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah physical violence? Big no no for me


----------



## jpr

Ohhh, VI. He has a previous record? 


I am worried about you.


----------



## lisab0105

Criminal history doesn't bother me to an extent (sexual offenders and murders not included). My uncle was in prison for 10 years and you couldn't ask for a better husband/father.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Vi it sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself about him...which means it isn't a FVCK yes which means it's a no.
> We gotta stick together on this FVCK yes stuff!


:smthumbup:

I love all this FVCK yes-stuff! 



Nsweet said:


> Then go pick up a guy at a bar, ride him hard, and send him packing. Don't waste your time trying to get to know a guy and create feelings for him, because that's what you're doing. You're going at this ass-backwards if you just want sex, and these guys know it. You're playing games here.


Ooh but that's the thing, Nsweet. I can't do randoms at a bar. That has never been my style. I have to actually know someone properly on some kind of level. I am not a one-night stand kind o chick. I have been out with said dude several times now so a rapport has been built up. 

See, this is why I say I need a lover: someone I know, get on with, who is not in my social circle, is discreet, and who I am very sexually attracted to. 

It can't just be some random Joe. 

To me, this isn't playing games. It's knowing what I want and don't want and I know that I personally cannot go home with some guy I just met. I am not built that way.



vi_bride04 said:


> Nope, he's always been a fvck yes when it has come to wanting to bangity bang


"bangity bang" HAHAHA

Vi, what was the previous record for?


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> I think it always wise to take someone past into account because often people repeat behaviors... most people cannot change their core personality permanently, for a short time yes but long term no


"The best indication of future behavior is past behavior"

I believe this wholeheartedly. Even for myself and my past.


----------



## jpr

lisab0105 said:


> Criminal history doesn't bother me to an extent (sexual offenders and murders not included). My uncle was in prison for 10 years and you couldn't ask for a better husband/father.


True. There is such a thing as redemption.

...but, you also have to give people some time to demonstrate that they are truly on the path to redemption.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Then go pick up a guy at a bar, ride him hard, and send him packing. Don't waste your time trying to get to know a guy and create feelings for him, because that's what you're doing. You're going at this ass-backwards if you just want sex, and these guys know it. You're playing games here.


The last thing Vi needs is fwb or finding someone at the bar to sleep with.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> True. There is such a thing as redemption.
> 
> ...but, you also have to give people some time to demonstrate that they are truly on the path to redemption.


Which she is doing, by not behaving like she once was and taking this slow, while observing.


----------



## Nsweet

No it's still playing games. Only it's not you who's playing with them, is you who's playing with you. You're convincing yourself that there is something you can do to make these guys like you more, when in reality I think you're going after the wrong types. Maybe chasing a bit too.


----------



## Jellybeans

In_the_Wind, our TAM associate, has just gotten divorced. So he has now entered the magical land of dating after divorce.

I told him to join us in this thread because he already has begun his adventure into Dating Land. He has asked me to copy/paste his first try at dating here for you all because he is on his phone and can't do it.



In_The_Wind said:


> _That singles thread is a pretty rough bunch lol I do have a funny one so far, I met this fancy atty woman my age, very pretty , she seemed like a very nice gal anyway we met for lunch and had a great time we seemed pretty connected the lunch lasted like 2 hours , we both lost track of time. we were texting later that week and made plans for another lunch the following week, she kepted on texting me and had askedI would like to meet her at a local walking park I told her that I had plans that evening with some motorcycle buddies and could I get a rain check on the walking she said sure. I could tell she didn't like being told No by her texting because she started just gi ing me one or two word responses lol. Anyway we continued texting and she asked me about my friends whom I was going riding with I just said oh they are some of my buddies from the motorcycle club that I ride with anyway she stopped texting me I figured she freak out because I am In a MC , so I figured what a b she knew that I was into motorcycles from the very beginning and now she is judging me because of who I ride with to hell with her I am not going to send her a email or text her even though we are supposed to go to lunch next week. The following week rolls around and I have made no effort to contact her the day of the lunch is Thursday, so Thursday at 11am I get this text from her saying oh I can't make lunch today I didn't even respond, I wasn't even planning on going. I thought no wonder you have been divorced for 10 yrs now !!! That's my only story so far_



So it begins for Wind.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> The last thing Vi needs is fwb or finding someone at the bar to sleep with.


That's good. I was talking to jelly though.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> No it's still playing games. Only it's not you who's playing with them, is you who's playing with you. You're convincing yourself that there is something you can do to make these guys like you more, when in reality I think you're going after the wrong types. Maybe chasing a bit too.


Eh. I do not like SMG for even a lay in the hay. So, nope. Nothing to convince about plus he still reaches out after I told him I am not interested at all.

But maybe I am going after the wrong types.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> That's good. I was talking to jelly though.


Haha. My apologies.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. I do not like SMG for even a lay in the hay. So, nope. Nothing to convince about plus he still reaches out after I told him I am not interested at all.
> 
> *But maybe I am going after the wrong types.*


That's what I've been trying to tell you!

It's like you ladies are chasing after the fun and exciting types and trying to make that relationship work, instead of taking a good hard look at yourself and going "Maybe I need someone more like me." No, instead you're chasing after these guys who may be good for a lay but you have nothing in common with once you really get to know them. You have no idea what to do with them when you've got them, because you're so different and they know it. They know it and that's why they are not calling. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSkWrpH3H3Q


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Criminal history doesn't bother me to an extent (sexual offenders and murders not included). My uncle was in prison for 10 years and you couldn't ask for a better husband/father.


How about one just like him but not locked up for all that time?

Or are you suggesting prison helped shape him into a responsible, caring spouse/parent?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> "bangity bang" HAHAHA
> 
> Vi, what was the previous record for?


When he was 18 his friend & roommate owed him money and wouldn't pay him so he took his gun as collateral. His friend reported it stolen (didn't know he took it and thought someone actually stole it). Parole hat went away for the weekend but got pulled over so got 2 felonies for stolen weapon and unlawfully carrying a concealed weapon. His friend tried to get the stolen weapon charges dropped but was unsuccessful. And that started the path of where he is today. No judge overlooks 2 previous felonies when repeatedly getting in trouble with the law from such a young age. 

All altercations occurred with him and his group of "friends". Bad crowd & inner city life - sometimes people can't get out of that scene without going away for a bit. 

I definitely don't think he is "reformed" or whatever but he does own his ****. Not one excuse from him yet about what happened and why. 

So he is having a hell of a time trying to find a job with 2 felonies. I'm sure it can be done, but with that and currently being on parole I don't think it looks promising.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> That's what I've been trying to tell you!
> 
> It's like you ladies are chasing after the fun and exciting types and trying to make that relationship work, instead of taking a good hard look at yourself and going "Maybe I need someone more like me." *No, instead you're chasing after these guys who may be good for a lay *but you have nothing in common with once you really get to know them. You have no idea what to do with them when you've got them, because you're so different and they know it. They know it and that's why they are not calling.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSkWrpH3H3Q


Where are these guys who may be a good lay??? I have yet to find one and why the whole sexual attraction thing with parole hat drives me nuts. Haven't felt something like that since Mexico hat.......but hmmmm.....yeah maybe I should view that as a warning sign!!!


----------



## Nsweet

Are you trying to "save" him?


----------



## Another Planet

Is that codependency I smell?


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Are you trying to "save" him?


I don't think so but I am pretty sure there is a control factor of some kind at play here. Like when it comes to sex, I have to be on top, I have to ride...I realized this stuff doing the casual sex stuff, like a power trip or something? 

So since he really has no say in what we do, where we go, etc I have the control. 

Probably not a good thing.


----------



## vi_bride04

I appreciate everyone's concern and am being very brutally honest right now b/c I am concerned about the patterns I have in my life. 

I can take the criticism and opinions so please don't hold back.


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> How about one just like him but not locked up for all that time?
> 
> Or are you suggesting prison helped shape him into a responsible, caring spouse/parent?


Oh it didn't shape him, he was always a good guy that was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got into a really, really bad fight and hurt someone. He was trying to stop someone else from getting their ass kicked. My uncle was a body building Samoan...didn't end well for the bad guy. My uncle got the shaft though. 10 years. His girlfriend (my Aunt) stayed with him, married him, conceived a child all while he was prison. She was faithful every second of those 10 years to him and when he got out he busted his ass to make up the time to her and their daughter. He started a landscaping business and had 2 more children, both of whom are a couple years away from the NFL.


----------



## Another Planet

I think you nailed it pretty good Vi


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Where are these guys who may be a good lay??? I have yet to find one and why the whole sexual attraction thing with parole hat drives me nuts. Haven't felt something like that since Mexico hat.......but hmmmm.....yeah maybe I should view that as a warning sign!!!


Sexual attraction isn't necessarily a bad thing. However when you're chasing after dangerous men who you logically know may not be the best choice for a relationship (and that's putting it mildly) you have to force yourself to make a decision for your own best interest. Do you want to be involved with a potentially risky man who may become physically abusive towards you when he's not in jail, or do you want a man who doesn't pull you like that but who also won't murder you?

This is like how I had to steer clear of a certain type of woman after a bad track record of being cheated on and having to deal with all that crazy in a little package. Just because someone really attracts you, it doesn't mean that they are the best type for you. And a lot of times that unhealthy attraction goes back into childhood with you subconsciously trying to re live what you had with your parents, care taker, first meaningful relationship, over and over. 

If your father was an alcoholic who cheated on your mother, but she always kept trying to please him no matter what... Chances are you're going to feel attracted to men you think you have to save from themselves. If your mother had some sort of illness or depression and you grew up learning that love meant taking care of someone.... Chances are you're going to grow up with white-knight syndrome and look for damaged women and damsels in distress to take care off. These are just two examples, there are many more. 

The only way you can stop that cycle from repeating is to force yourself to not go after those types and to give the boring normal people a chance. Once you recover from needing that high of addicting relationships with plenty of highs and lows to keep you hooked, then you'll start to notice you're attracted to more normal people, and then you'll start to notice the red flags that maybe you ignored or minimized before.


----------



## Dollystanford

I guess it's all about what you want Vi 
What are the chances you're just going to be able to have a fling with this guy? I know myself - I'm a fixer and if I were to get involved with someone like that I would end up living with him and supporting him for 10 years because I'd feel sorry for him

Just be careful of feeling all the feelings


----------



## lisab0105

Dollystanford said:


> I guess it's all about what you want Vi
> What are the chances you're just going to be able to have a fling with this guy? *I know myself - I'm a fixer and if I were to get involved with someone like that I would end up living with him and supporting him for 10 years because I'd feel sorry for him*
> 
> Just be careful of feeling all the feelings


That is me too...all the way.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> That is me too...all the way.


Me 3...

I have a terrible attraction to single moms that need to be saved...have them move in with me and help her and her kids out...probably give her a job...of course all while I am paying for everything...


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Me 3...
> 
> I have a terrible attraction to single moms that need to be saved...


Count me in too. 

I love damaged girls and damsels in distress. The more problems she has the more I want to fix her. 


....And that's why I'm not dating anyone right now.:rofl: 
There's than and I just know I'm going to rebel against any efforts to change me.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Nsweet said:


> This is like how I had to steer clear of a certain type of woman after a bad track record of being cheated on and having to deal with all that crazy in a little package. Just because someone really attracts you, it doesn't mean that they are the best type for you.


Same here. Not that I want to date anyone at work (don't crap where you eat right?) but there is a VERY attractive (to me) woman at work. Apparently I was inadvertantly staring one day and my buddy nudged me. Mind you neither of us know who this person is. I was like "dang man, she just DOES something for me".. He goes "why do you always go for the ones with trouble written all over their face?" I replied "trouble? I think she has FUN written all over..... oh. I think I get it now."


----------



## Dollystanford

and the thing you do is make excuses for why they are like they are - I used to do it all the time with Tosspot

oh no-one will give him a chance! if only they could see what I can see!

Except there wasn't anything to see, I had serious ganja goggles on


----------



## vi_bride04

I may have a slight fixer complex but it was way more prevalent prior to getting married in past relationships. 

Since my marriage ended it has definitely been more of a control thing, but then again, I am doing more of just sex than actual trying to get into relationship.

So maybe I do have a fixer mentality when it comes to romance and a control thing when it comes to the purely physical stuff. 

Does feeling sorry for someone indicate the need of wanting to fix? B/c I know pre-marriage I felt sorry for the guys I ended up getting into relationships with. Actually I felt bad for Mexico hat too....

hhrrrrmmmmm


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Count me in too.
> 
> 
> There's than and I just know I'm going to rebel against any efforts to change me.


Which is why you find someone who likes/loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!


----------



## Dollystanford

NSweet, our very own Bridget Jones


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Which is why you find someone who likes/loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!


No, you know what I mean. Women get into a relationship with a man and they try to make changes here in there. Little stuff, like getting you to go to restaurants you normally wouldn't, dress more appropriate for your body type, and take her out dancing when you just want to lounge about. 

Women do this too. Don't deny it. I just know I would be so sarcastic and negative about everything at this stage. "Why do WE have to go to that restaurant, why can't WE stay in tonight?", "Why do you always have to dress me like a A&F model", "Why do I have to go work for your dad's company?"... "If you think I'm sleeping with you tonight you're dead wrong, honey." 

At this point in time I just know I would get one of the women that treats me like a special project. Have you ever met these men who let their wives and girlfriend boss them around and tell them what to wear. They're total b!tches. Hell now, that's not going to happen to me.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> NSweet, our very own Bridget Jones


Huh? Sorry I'm straight. That translation is lost with me.


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't you worry your pretty little head about it


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I may have a slight fixer complex but it was way more prevalent prior to getting married in past relationships.
> 
> Since my marriage ended it has definitely been more of a control thing, but then again, I am doing more of just sex than actual trying to get into relationship.
> 
> So maybe I do have a fixer mentality when it comes to romance and a control thing when it comes to the purely physical stuff.
> 
> Does feeling sorry for someone indicate the need of wanting to fix? B/c I know pre-marriage I felt sorry for the guys I ended up getting into relationships with. Actually I felt bad for Mexico hat too....
> 
> hhrrrrmmmmm


Well I'm not going to lie I know I do it for control. I want them weak so I can give them everything so they owe me. Control gives me a raging hard on. I'm a narcissist, well at least tendencies because true narcissist can't admit it.
It's fckd up I know it, I am working on it.
Which is why my rules for dating anyone is that they need a good job, their own place, their own family/friends, their own vehicle, and their own kids...if they have everything already I can't give them anything so no control.....maybe raising the odds I end up with a normal relationship.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Don't you worry your pretty little head about it


Gee, I bet you say that to all the men you feel superior to.


----------



## unsure78

for the record killer may have been a badass true alpha but he did not have a record, was former law enforcement, and owned his own very successful business... he was just fun for me but he wasn't potential trouble
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> That is me too...all the way.


... that's just how most good people are.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Does feeling sorry for someone indicate the need of wanting to fix? B/c I know pre-marriage I felt sorry for the guys I ended up getting into relationships with. Actually I felt bad for Mexico hat too....
> 
> hhrrrrmmmmm


Mexico Hat was also a rebound and long distance thing that you had to go on his word by a lot of the time.

You now have the luxury to actually observing these guys first hand and challenge yourself to not submit to old habits.

Plus ... Mexico Hat eventually showed his true colors. Haha.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Mexico Hat was also a rebound and long distance thing that you had to go on his word by a lot of the time.
> 
> You now have the luxury to actually observing these guys first hand and challenge yourself to not submit to old habits.
> 
> Plus ... Mexico Hat eventually showed his true colors. Haha.


they always do show their true colors given enough time...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Gee, I bet you say that to all the men you feel superior to.


Oh no, Nsweet, she has it on good authority that your head is indeed pretty little.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Oh no, Nsweet, she has it on good authority that your head is indeed pretty little.


Hey! How does she know what my penis looks like? 


:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Hey! How does she know what my penis looks like?
> 
> 
> :rofl:


Your... reputation ...precedes you.


----------



## jpr

Nsweet said:


> Hey! How does she know what my penis looks like?
> 
> 
> :rofl:



Nsweet, you have a penis??!???!!



....and all this time I thought you were a female.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Nsweet, you have a penis??!???!!
> 
> 
> 
> ....and all this time I thought you were a female.


Yeah, I get that a lot on here. 



Haven't you seen my profile yet?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Yeah, I get that a lot on here.
> 
> 
> 
> Haven't you seen my profile yet?


Is that trick question?


----------



## Another Planet

I was talking to a buddy of mine who is married on FB, checked out his page :/ I frickin loved being married. I really really loved being married.
My exSIL was texting me all day talking about how crazy her sister is.....I don't know, next I suppose?!


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I was talking to a buddy of mine who is married on FB, checked out his page :/ I frickin loved being married. I really really loved being married.
> My exSIL was texting me all day talking about how crazy her sister is.....I don't know, next I suppose?!


So did I. There's just something special about waking up next to your wife every morning, thinking about her every afternoon, calling her on your lunch breaks, getting excited about going home to her, and spending every night with her. And even when you hate her you still love her, you can't ever seem to turn it off no matter how hard you want to hate her. 

The only thing is.... You better get yourself a good woman who cares just as much, because if you don't.... If you get a selfish woman who's just in it for the honeymoon and none of the work, then she's going to take everything you do for granted and leave you when it's her turn to pitch in a little. Such is the nature of one-sided relationships.


----------



## Another Planet

When I sit back and analyze things I realize that when I see other people happy like that my ex is like "I want that **** but can't have it so I am going to ruin it", when I see that "I want to give them both a big hug and kiss and celebrate with them their love together"!

Sorry exes Bday yesterday...kind of mixed up up there in me head...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So did I. There's just something special about waking up next to your wife every morning, thinking about her every afternoon, calling her on your lunch breaks, getting excited about going home to her, and spending every night with her. And even when you hate her you still love her, you can't ever seem to turn it off no matter how hard you want to hate her.
> 
> The only thing is.... You better get yourself a good woman who cares just as much, because if you don't.... If you get a selfish woman who's just in it for the honeymoon and none of the work, then she's going to take everything you do for granted and leave you when it's her turn to pitch in a little. Such is the nature of one-sided relationships.


Not only all of what you mentioned, but add in the fact of how drastically it can change you as well.

It can be quite the ride, that's for sure.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Not only all of what you mentioned, but add in the fact of how drastically it can change you as well.
> 
> It can be quite the ride, that's for sure.


Tell me about it. 

Before I got married I used to drink hard liquor every weekend, chase after p*ssy, go to strip clubs and try to pull the easiest ones (succeeded too!), and did just a bunch of random crazy sh!t for excitement. After 6 months of marriage I was a "good boy" again. I don't know how the hell she did it but she did. 

If only I could find another good woman to p*ssy whip me in the right direction. I would have a job and be going to college before I knew what happened.


----------



## angelpixie

Wrong attitude, Nsweet. If you want a good woman, do that stuff on your own first. A good and healthy woman doesn't want to marry a man who she ends up having to parent. That's a perfect recipe for resentment and lack of attraction. I speak from experience.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Wrong attitude, Nsweet. If you want a good woman, do that stuff on your own first. A good and healthy woman doesn't want to marry a man who she ends up having to parent. That's a perfect recipe for resentment and lack of attraction. I speak from experience.



Well said, bravo bravo.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Wrong attitude, Nsweet. If you want a good woman, do that stuff on your own first. A good and healthy woman doesn't want to marry a man who she ends up having to parent. That's a perfect recipe for resentment and lack of attraction. I speak from experience.


I think you're forgetting who your talking to and my situation back then. 

If you don't remember.....

We eloped before I went to my submarine, and her parents were so pissed.... So I made all of those changes and worked twice as hard to show them that I would be good enough for their daughter. I gave then half of everything I made to feed her entire family too. And then... I ended up having to parent her myself. My wife was a BPD waif and damsel in distress who wouldn't do much for herself. So I ended up having to deal with a child in an adults body. You tell me that's not maturity and dedication. 

Unless you're talking about that last paragraph. You know you really should quote so I know what you're talking about. Which my response to that is...

Geesh, I can't even joke on here without someone jumping on me and giving me life advice. Talk about age discrimination. It's not like I asked for any help here or made myself some pity case. It was just a joke.
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=concern+troll


----------



## ne9907

Dollystanford said:


> - I'm a fixer and if I were to get involved with someone like that I would end up living with him and supporting him for 10 years because I'd feel sorry for him
> 
> Just be careful of feeling all the feelings


I am always late for the party nowadays..
That is me too, my ex called me out of the blue the other day. Apparently, he spent all of his 401K and is having more financial troubles. Instantly I offered to keep paying his car insurance payment and asking if he needed a loan (????? WTF is wrong with me?)
I feel so much compassion for him.

He also said that the doctor had increase his depression medication, he had told me a few months ago, that he no longer felt depressed and he was happy "happier than he has ever felt before".

He also said the house is a mess, etc etc. I had to bite my tongue, keep my resolve and not tell him I would be there to help and take care of him.

I think he may have been fishing for a loan... or something.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am always late for the party nowadays..
> That is me too, my ex called me out of the blue the other day. Apparently, he spent all of his 401K and is having more financial troubles. Instantly I offered to keep paying his car insurance payment and asking if he needed a loan (????? WTF is wrong with me?)
> I feel so much compassion for him.
> 
> He also said that the doctor had increase his depression medication, he had told me a few months ago, that he no longer felt depressed and he was happy "happier than he has ever felt before".
> 
> He also said the house is a mess, etc etc. I had to bite my tongue, keep my resolve and not tell him I would be there to help and take care of him.
> 
> I think he may have been fishing for a loan... or something.


Do you see what he's doing? He's gotten himself into a mess and now he's acting like the "prince in peril" hoping you'll fall for his bullsh!t and try to save him again. 

He chose to blow through his 401K, he chose to dirty up his house, and he chose all of this actions that lead to his depression.... The cheating and all. 

You "helping him out" would only enable him. Do the harsh but responsible thing here and leave him to dig himself out of the hole he's created for himself. He's a big boy and I promise you he will either figure a way out of it, or sucker another woman into believing his crap and doing it for him.

I'm telling you this because many of us went through the same thing. Hardest thing I've ever had to do was tell my wife "No" and hang up the phone when she was crying. And she was crying because I refused to bail her out of her prize ponzi scheme.


----------



## angelpixie

Just for the record, Nsweet, I was talking specifically about the last paragraph. You're right -- I should have been clearer and quoted the part to which I was responding. I apologize.

No, I haven't forgotten your story. I was only referring to what you were saying about the future. You may have been joking, but some people really do feel the same way as what you posted.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Just for the record, Nsweet, I was talking specifically about the last paragraph. You're right -- I should have been clearer and quoted the part to which I was responding. I apologize.
> 
> No, I haven't forgotten your story. I was only referring to what you were saying about the future. You may have been joking, but some people really do feel the same way as what you posted.


That's not me. If you read my posts from today on this thread you would see the comedy in my statement. I'm so resistant to change right now that it would either take a master manipulator or one hell of a great woman to get me to turn things around. After what I've gone through I'd be suspicious of everything.


----------



## Dollystanford

ne9907 said:


> I am always late for the party nowadays..
> That is me too, my ex called me out of the blue the other day. Apparently, he spent all of his 401K and is having more financial troubles. Instantly I offered to keep paying his car insurance payment and asking if he needed a loan (????? WTF is wrong with me?)
> I feel so much compassion for him.
> 
> He also said that the doctor had increase his depression medication, he had told me a few months ago, that he no longer felt depressed and he was happy "happier than he has ever felt before".
> 
> He also said the house is a mess, etc etc. I had to bite my tongue, keep my resolve and not tell him I would be there to help and take care of him.
> 
> I think he may have been fishing for a loan... or something.


Mine didn't even fish - he asked outright
I said no - divorced over a year and he had the cheek to ask me for money. Have some pride man


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> That's not me. If you read my posts from today on this thread you would see the comedy in my statement.


This is teh intrawebs, Nsweet. You need to be a little more clear about when you're joking and when you aren't. It's hard to tell the difference.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Going to take a moment and brag a bit ... 

The most I ever weighed myself was 297 lbs, I remember looking at the scale in such a delusion thinking "as long as I don't hit 300 I'll be okay!". Really?! Smh. Smh indeed.

I've put a lot of work into getting back into shape, before Christmas I had been plateaued for quite a while at 230-235. Suppose I got comfortable there for a while, gave myself a bit of a break.

Well, for the first time I made a NYR to include more cardio into my workout. Even if my subconscious cried out "what about the muscle mass!" and I forced myself to run at least 3 times a week.

I'm proud to say, in the month of Jan I've gone from the 230-235 to 220.4 lbs as of this morning! Only 20.4 lbs to go!

TGIF errbody! :smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

06Daddio08 said:


> Going to take a moment and brag a bit ...
> 
> The most I ever weighed myself was 297 lbs, I remember looking at the scale in such a delusion thinking "as long as I don't hit 300 I'll be okay!". Really?! Smh. Smh indeed.
> 
> I've put a lot of work into getting back into shape, before Christmas I had been plateaued for quite a while at 230-235. Suppose I got comfortable there for a while, gave myself a bit of a break.
> 
> Well, for the first time I made a NYR to include more cardio into my workout. Even if my subconscious cried out "what about the muscle mass!" and I forced myself to run at least 3 times a week.
> 
> I'm proud to say, in the month of Jan I've gone from the 230-235 to 220.4 lbs as of this morning! Only 20.4 lbs to go!
> 
> TGIF errbody! :smthumbup:


Well done sir! Keep it up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



TheGoodGuy said:


> Well done sir! Keep it up!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks. Oh I plan on it. Already been invited to 2 socials (fundraisers for weddings held in community centers) for March and May. Cheap booze, loud music, dance floor and women.

Many more well come as well, and I plan on being primed for them!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Thanks. Oh I plan on it. Already been invited to 2 socials (fundraisers for weddings held in community centers) for March and May. Cheap booze, loud music, dance floor and women.
> 
> Many more well come as well, and I plan on being primed for them!


Awesomesauce! I plateaued back in October...been a sitting duck since. Increased cardio, changed it up from day to day, decreased cardio. I flux the same 5lb range for 3 1/2 months. I eat, gosh, maybe 900-1300 cals a day. Losing my pretty little mind. 

I don't know what the hell I am doing wrong.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Awesomesauce! I plateaued back in October...been a sitting duck since. Increased cardio, changed it up from day to day, decreased cardio. I flux the same 5lb range for 3 1/2 months. I eat, gosh, maybe 900-1300 cals a day. Losing my pretty little mind.
> 
> I don't know what the hell I am doing wrong.


Give intermittent fasting a try. 

I promise it works wonders when nothing else does.


----------



## Pbartender

lisab0105 said:


> Awesomesauce! I plateaued back in October...been a sitting duck since. Increased cardio, changed it up from day to day, decreased cardio. I flux the same 5lb range for 3 1/2 months. I eat, gosh, maybe 900-1300 cals a day. Losing my pretty little mind.
> 
> I don't know what the hell I am doing wrong.


Your weight is steady, but what are your measurements doing?

I slowly and steadily lost 50 lbs over two years, and then plateaued... I've been holding steady at 175 ±5 lbs for the last year and a half, but I've also dropped another two inches off my waistline in that time.


----------



## lisab0105

Pbartender said:


> Your weight is steady, but what are your measurements doing?
> 
> I slowly and steadily lost 50 lbs over two years, and then plateaued... I've been holding steady at 175 ±5 lbs for the last year and a half, but I've also dropped another two inches off my waistline in that time.


Even those aren't going anywhere anymore. Grrrr! I lost 20lbs between June-October 15th. 2 1/2 inches off my thighs, 1 inch off my arms, 1 1/2 from my waist (when I measure at the right time of the month), 1 inch off my calves. 

Nothing since in any category.


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> Give intermittent fasting a try.
> 
> I promise it works wonders when nothing else does.


I tried the 8 hour diet from mid October-mid November, I felt great but nothing moved for me either. 

This is why I like waitressing...when I worked at Olive Garden, did 4 doubles a week, had time to eat once a day and I lost 35 lbs in one month!! It was insane! Then I went and got pregnant :slap::wtf:


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Your weight is steady, but what are your measurements doing?
> 
> I slowly and steadily lost 50 lbs over two years, and then plateaued... I've been holding steady at 175 ±5 lbs for the last year and a half, but I've also dropped another two inches off my waistline in that time.


Now that's the way to do it.:smthumbup:

Before I joined the Navy I dropped 75lbs walking to a gym 2 miles away, working out for a couple hours and then running 6 days a week, and taking diet pills. I lost the weight, just not the stress eating coping mechanism. I put back on 40lbs the first year and the remaining weight, plus a little more, in 3 1/2 years. 

After my wife left me I decided to take all the weight off slowly and for good this time. I worked my ass off and lost 50lbs the first year with ease, then plateaued for a while after that. I've been able to take more weight off, just at a slower rate.... I have to cycle the weight loss and take a month off every 12-16 weeks or I will completely stall out and end up slowly putting weight back on.


----------



## Jellybeans

What is intermittent fasting? 



Another Planet said:


> I was talking to a buddy of mine who is married on FB, checked out his page :/ I frickin loved being married. I really really loved being married.
> My exSIL was texting me all day talking about how crazy her sister is.....I don't know, next I suppose?!



Hehe. A lot o Facebook statuses are really just fishing for compliments. _"Look at how amazing my life and marriage is! Like my status, please!_" 



ne9907 said:


> That is me too, my ex called me out of the blue the other day. Apparently, he spent all of his 401K and is having more financial troubles.* Instantly I offered to keep paying his car insurance payment and asking if he needed a loan* (????? WTF is wrong with me?)
> I feel so much compassion for him.
> 
> *He also said the house is a mess, etc etc. I had to bite my tongue, keep my resolve and not tell him I would be there to help and take care of him.*
> 
> I think he may have been fishing for a loan... or something.


I don't understand this. I wouldn't even be dealing with that after what he did to you. Maybe I am ice-queen but my ex would have known to not even approach me with something like that, or really, any of the men I have dated. But I will say Mr. Ex Jelly was and is a very self-sufficient and a self-made man. That is one of the things I still admire about him. I would have no respect for a man who was hitting me up for cash and fishing for me to clean his house nor would I offer to help with any of those things, especially if we ended badly. WTF? It simply wouldn't happen.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

lisab0105 said:


> Awesomesauce! I plateaued back in October...been a sitting duck since. Increased cardio, changed it up from day to day, decreased cardio. I flux the same 5lb range for 3 1/2 months. I eat, gosh, maybe 900-1300 cals a day. Losing my pretty little mind.
> 
> I don't know what the hell I am doing wrong.



It's your eating (with strong workouts that isn't enough calories so your cardio is burning muscle which in turn is lowering your metabolism while you aren't working out)....and are you resistance training?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Awesomesauce! I plateaued back in October...been a sitting duck since. Increased cardio, changed it up from day to day, decreased cardio. I flux the same 5lb range for 3 1/2 months. I eat, gosh, maybe 900-1300 cals a day. Losing my pretty little mind.
> 
> I don't know what the hell I am doing wrong.


And you even say awesomesauce .. darn geography! 

With my increased cardio I've also increased my calories. I also don't eat any solids past 6:30 pm (7 pm max) and take my casein shake a hour before bed. Which is usually at 10:30, seeing how I'm up at 5:15 am making my bacon and eggs! Mmmmmm. Bacon.

Like others said, my weight stayed the same but I also lost inches and grew muscle mass. Although, I don't take measurements. I just go by the fit of my clothes.

That and how much more of Mr. Johnston that I see. Bahaha.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> And you even say awesomesauce .. darn geography!
> 
> With my increased cardio I've also increased my calories. I also don't eat any solids past 6:30 pm (7 pm max) and take my casein shake a hour before bed. Which is usually at 10:30, seeing how I'm up at 5:15 am making my bacon and eggs! Mmmmmm. Bacon.
> 
> Like others said, my weight stayed the same but I also lost inches and grew muscle mass. Although, I don't take measurements. I just go by the fit of my clothes.
> 
> That and how much more of Mr. Johnston that I see. Bahaha.


Lisa, read this.....that casein shake is key, up. It keeps him from burning muscle over night. I am up to 200lbs after being down to 186. At 186, I had a 34 inch waist. At 200, 32 inch waist. Muscle weight is good, even in women. It can make you look AMAZING in a dress.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> I tried the 8 hour diet from mid October-mid November, I felt great but nothing moved for me either.
> 
> This is why I like waitressing...when I worked at Olive Garden, did 4 doubles a week, had time to eat once a day and I lost 35 lbs in one month!! It was insane! Then I went and got pregnant :slap::wtf:


You gotta work up to it slowly. Give your body a chance to get used to fasting for most of the day, and eat less. The biggest problem with this diet strategy is that you may end up being less active during the fast and eating more than you're supposed to during the feast.

The biggest helper for me was eating filling foods like greens and raw cabbage, before I even thought about eating real food. It helps fill up your stomach before you can get a chance over eat or pig out on the wrong foods. Fiber drinks like Metamicil also work well.


----------



## lisab0105

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's your eating (with strong workouts that isn't enough calories so your cardio is burning muscle which in turn is lowering your metabolism while you aren't working out)....and are you resistance training?


I am only doing cardio and using my 2lb weights at night for various arm exercises and squats.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> What is intermittent fasting?


Sometimes, I will go on a water fast in order to reset my metabolism and to cleanse out my body.


----------



## lisab0105

Dedicated2Her said:


> Lisa, read this.....that casein shake is key, up. It keeps him from burning muscle over night. I am up to 200lbs after being down to 186. At 186, I had a 34 inch waist. At 200, 32 inch waist. Muscle weight is good, even in women. It can make you look AMAZING in a dress.


I am weird in that I have a serious texture issue with drinks...I'll try the casein shake as long it isn't nasty.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

lisab0105 said:


> I am only doing cardio and using my 2lb weights at night for various arm exercises and squats.


You are going to have to up the weight. Your body has probably adjusted to those specific weights and exercises.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's your eating (with strong workouts that isn't enough calories so your cardio is burning muscle which in turn is lowering your metabolism while you aren't working out)....and are you resistance training?


I agree with D2H here, your body is clinging to those scant calories for dear life. I was able to get off a plateau last time I was losing weight by allowing myself one free day a week to eat whatever the hell I wanted to. Surprised the hell out of me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

lisab0105 said:


> I am weird in that I have a serious texture issue with drinks...I'll try the casein shake as long it isn't nasty.



Well, I don't do casein. I actually do all natural whey protein right before bed. As long as you are giving your muscles something to live off of while sleeping, you are good. Eggs work too.


----------



## lisab0105

Dedicated2Her said:


> You are going to have to up the weight. Your body has probably adjusted to those specific weights and exercises.


Yeah, I am sure you are right. 

Thanks guys, I appreciate the tips. Okay, enough highjacking from me. The thread can go back to talking about sex, again. ;p


----------



## Jellybeans

Fasting would never work for me. Your body will use up the calories you DO eat when you start up again and faster so it's counter-productive, IMO. I much prefer the idea of eating 5-6 small meals a day to speed up metabolism.

Yay! Sex!


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree with D2H here, your body is clinging to those scant calories for dear life. I was able to get off a plateau last time I was losing weight by allowing myself one free day a week to eat whatever the hell I wanted to. Surprised the hell out of me.


I guess I will eat more food...complained no one ever! :smthumbup: Thanks D2H and 3X. Best advice ever


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> What is intermittent fasting?


Intermittent fasting is a temporary period of fasting lasting less than 24 hours. The most common of which is either a 16, 20, or 24 hour period of water fasting daily (once or twice a week for the 24 hour periods.)


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Lisa, read this.....that casein shake is key, up. It keeps him from burning muscle over night. I am up to 200lbs after being down to 186. At 186, I had a 34 inch waist. At 200, 32 inch waist. Muscle weight is good, even in women. It can make you look AMAZING in a dress.


I don't do much in the way of supplements. The casein at night and a 8 hour multi release whey after my workout. Pre workout is 2 tbs peanut butter and half a cup dry oats, it's the only thing that gives me enough energy and keeps me from getting hungry for 2 hours.

Biggest meals are breakfast, lunch and post workout. Usually ranging between 400-500 calories. Every 2 hours I'm eating something for a snack; spinach, banana, apple, grapefruit, broccoli, almonds ... Haha I should post the picture I took and showed Vi the other day.


----------



## vi_bride04

Should get a couple 20lb dumbbells to replace the 2lbs and add in push-ups to your routine. 

Weighted squats help build the biggest muscles in a females body which will increase metabolism.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Fasting would never work for me. Your body will use up the calories you DO eat when you start up again and faster so it's counter-productive, IMO. I much prefer the idea of eating 5-6 small meals a day to speed up metabolism.
> 
> Yay! Sex!


It's about not allowing your body to adjust. If you do the same patterns everyday, you will hit a plateau because your body is designed to adapt. It works because you only do it about once every couple of weeks.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I don't do much in the way of supplements. The casein at night and a 8 hour multi release whey after my workout. Pre workout is 2 tbs peanut butter and half a cup dry oats, it's the only thing that gives me enough energy and keeps me from getting hungry for 2 hours.
> 
> Biggest meals are breakfast, lunch and post workout. Usually ranging between 400-500 calories. Every 2 hours I'm eating something for a snack; spinach, banana, apple, grapefruit, broccoli, almonds ... *Haha I should post the picture I took and showed Vi the other day*.


What a splendid idea


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I am weird in that I have a serious texture issue with drinks...I'll try the casein shake as long it isn't nasty.


I bought one from a website, cinnamon bun. Add the right amount of water and it's pretty decent. I also mix it in with plain 0% greek yogurt as a snack (but I'll do that 1 1/2 hours before bed) as a snack.

Or as I call it in front of the kids while I wiggle my fingers in excitement, "Ooooh, my delicious treat!".


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> What a splendid idea


I was talking aboot the food picture I took to show her.

What kind of picture would you like?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> I don't do much in the way of supplements. The casein at night and a 8 hour multi release whey after my workout. Pre workout is 2 tbs peanut butter and half a cup dry oats, it's the only thing that gives me enough energy and keeps me from getting hungry for 2 hours.
> 
> Biggest meals are breakfast, lunch and post workout. Usually ranging between 400-500 calories. Every 2 hours I'm eating something for a snack; spinach, banana, apple, grapefruit, broccoli, almonds ... Haha I should post the picture I took and showed Vi the other day.


That is a really good regimen. My pre workout is all natural almond butter that I make myself. I don't do any oats. And, 1 banana has 27g of CARBS! I eat like a caveman....for sure.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Fasting would never work for me. Your body will use up the calories you DO eat when you start up again and faster so it's counter-productive, IMO. I much prefer the idea of eating 5-6 small meals a day to speed up metabolism.
> 
> Yay! Sex!


Where did you get this information from, a fitness magazine? This is completely incorrect!

Your body doesn't slow down it's metabolism when you skip eating for a day (it takes days for that), muscles aren't lost to catabolism or burned up for fuel if you don't drink some super casein shake before bed, and you don't turn everything you eat after a fast into pure fat. If you think about it people are by nature designed to thrive without food for some period of time.

Actually, the 5-6 meal method of eating every few hours is the most counterproductive diet. It was popularized after a study on cardio with people eating every few hours and losing the most weight. But recent findings have shown that *this method of eating does not let your body use fat for fuel between feedings because you're always eating. So your primary source of fuel is your last meal. And people using this method were the most likely to overeat.* But whatever, people freak out if their blood sugar levels out and think they have to eat again or they'll die.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Actually, the 5-6 meal method of eating every few hours is the most counterproductive diet.


I disagree. Anytime I've set a goal to lean out, this is how I've done it. It has worked like magic for me (paired with some cardio workouts) every time.


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> That is a really good regimen. My pre workout is all natural almond butter that I make myself. I don't do any oats. And, 1 banana has 27g of CARBS! I eat like a caveman....for sure.


But cavemen didn't have almonds, or oats, or bananas. Bananas are a fairly recent agricultural invention, and I'm pretty sure oats aren't a part of the original caveman diet. They might be on the 2.0 Primal Blueprint diet along with dairy product.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> * So your primary source of fuel is your last meal.*


Which is exactly why I wouldn't fast. Because when you start eating again, your body is going to use up all the fuel of that meal, in contrast to using fuel throughout the day to break down. Plus I love food to much to torture myself like that. No, thanks. 

It's also why breakfast is the most important meal--the body needs that in order to break down the other meals. This is why research studies have shown you shouldn't skip out on breakfast and that people who do eat breakfast are generally thinner and healthier than those who won't. 

We all have our preferences, I suppose.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> But cavemen didn't have almonds, or oats, or bananas. Bananas are a fairly recent agricultural invention, and I'm pretty sure oats aren't a part of the original caveman diet. They might be on the 2.0 Primal Blueprint diet along with dairy product.


Well, I don't eat oats or bananas...so. lol


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I disagree. Anytime I've set a goal of trimming down, this is how I've done it. It has worked like magic for me (along with some cardio workouts) every time.


Have you ever tried intermittent fasting and given it a full 30 days before forming your opinions?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I disagree. Anytime I've set a goal to lean out, this is how I've done it. It has worked like magic for me (paired with some cardio workouts) every time.


Different body types require different ways of doing it. Even at different weight a change is sometimes required.

My buddy has talked to me about carb cycling and all that jazz, I just make it up as I go. Trial and error.

I don't read any magazines, I stay with basic workouts and focus on my form.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I was talking aboot the food picture I took to show her.
> 
> What kind of picture would you like?


I was talking about the food picture too...duh


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Which is exactly why I wouldn't fast. Because when you start eating again, your body is going to use up all the fuel of that meal, in contrast to using fuel throughout the day to break down.





> Anytime I've set a goal to lean out, this is how I've done it. It has worked like magic for me (paired with some cardio workouts) every time.


The issue with the 5-6 meal thing is exactly what you said above......."set a goal to lean out"

Why do you have to keep setting goals? It's a good diet. Not, a good lifestyle. It's too difficult to keep up and be consistent in order to deliver the result. There are much more effective ways.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Have you ever tried intermittent fasting and given it a full 30 days before forming your opinions?


Nope. 



Dedicated2Her said:


> Why do you have to keep setting goals? It's a good diet. Not, a good lifestyle. It's too difficult to keep up and be consistent in order to deliver the result. There are much more effective ways.


Perhaps I could have worded that differently. I am a pretty slender woman. I love food but I mostly eat healthily and exercising is part of my weekly schedule. But there are times where I do deviate and notice it so I become more headstrong about what I eat and my workouts. When I want to concentrate on being healthier, this is what I do.

Everyone does it their way. You may prefer fasting. It has no appeal for me. This is the way works for me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I was talking about the food picture too...duh


If the lady asks, the lady shall receive (this works in various avenues btw).

It's missing ... (2) glasses of skim milk, my spinach, both shakes and the peanut butter n oats.

I don't eat the container that holds the tuna.

Well okay, only after a day of legs / shoulders supersets ...


----------



## Jellybeans

That cucumber or squash or whatever it is is reminding me of a penis. The little nuts in the circular ramekins look like... balls.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Which is exactly why I wouldn't fast. *Because when you start eating again, your body is going to use up all the fuel of that meal, in contrast to using fuel throughout the day to break down.* Plus I love food to much to torture myself like that. No, thanks.


What? No it does not. The food you eat does not immediately break down and it's gone forever, it takes a lot longer and it's still going to supply you with energy even if you don't eat. 

What you're talking about with this "fuel" is more likely sugar. The body runs on carbohydrates as it's primary source of fuel, and when you don't top off the tank by eating for that sugar rush every few hours, it reaches into the immediate supply from muscles and then the liver. And you don't catabolize a thing until that supply is completely taxed... which would take about 3-4 days of complete starvation. 



Jellybeans said:


> It's also why breakfast is the most important meal--the body needs that in order to break down the other meals. This is why research studies have shown you shouldn't skip out on breakfast and that people who do eat breakfast are generally thinner and healthier than those who won't.
> 
> We all have our preferences, I suppose.


Wrong again. There is no concrete proof that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And I've seen those studies, most of them are done by generally biased sources (Kellogs for example). The people they use are usually obese and so used to stuffing themselves that they could lose weight by pure motivation of the study alone. 

If you want to look into this instead of arguing you'll see before and after shots of people losing more weight with intermittent fasting than they have with ears of eating 5-7 meals a day. 

I recommend the book Eat Stop Eat by Brad Pilon. I can email you a pdf copy if you want to read it. He talks about all the science behind it, which I have independently read and verified, but he uses the 24hr method 2 times a week and not the daily 16-20hr method.


----------



## Jellybeans

We can agree to disagree, Nsweet because I don't agree with you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> The issue with the 5-6 meal thing is exactly what you said above......."set a goal to lean out"
> 
> Why do you have to keep setting goals? It's a good diet. Not, a good lifestyle. It's too difficult to keep up and be consistent in order to deliver the result. There are much more effective ways.


I too dislike the term diet, it's a lifestyle. I still go out some weekends and drink with the boys but I'm also up at 7 am a Sunday to get the gym in if it's a busy day.

I'm in trouble when I find me a woman who likes to cook. Hopefully she's not Ukrainian.

"YOU TOO SKINNY, YOU EAT!"


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Different body types require different ways of doing it. Even at different weight a change is sometimes required.
> 
> My buddy has talked to me about carb cycling and all that jazz, I just make it up as I go. Trial and error.
> 
> I don't read any magazines, I stay with basic workouts and focus on my form.


Oh man, carb cycling is pure torture. 

"You mean I don't get to eat anything good today, not even bread for a sandwich?" The way I did it was a hard core version. Still sucked all the enjoyment out of life dieting some days. 

Carb-backloading was a little better but kinda hard to keep up. You get really sleepy after loading up on carbs after a workout, and yuo might fall asleep before you eat enough for the day. I loved how I looked in the morning, and eating pizza and nachos at night was awesome, but it was just hard to keep up.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> That cucumber or squash or whatever it is is reminding me of a penis. The little nuts in the circular ramekins look like... balls.


That's a banana... but it's not ready for digestion.

Nor is a penis (in my case at least).


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> I too dislike the term diet, it's a lifestyle. I still go out some weekends and drink with the boys but I'm also up at 7 am a Sunday to get the gym in if it's a busy day.


Haha. You sound ike me, Daddio. 

I was at the bar with a gaggle of friends on a Friday night two weeks ago. The next afternoon, one of my friends posted on his Facebook "I am just waking up and what the hell happened last night?! Good times." I chuckled. I had already been to the gym, run my errands and was cleaning my house. Sometimes I think I really am a grandpa stuck in this thirty-two year old body.

It's a good thing I try to be healthy because I am a big fan of food. I fcking love food and I love to cook. You just got to make sure you are cooking healthy (mostly).


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I too dislike the term diet, it's a lifestyle. I still go out some weekends and drink with the boys but I'm also up at 7 am a Sunday to get the gym in if it's a busy day.
> 
> I'm in trouble when I find me a woman who likes to cook. Hopefully she's not Ukrainian.
> 
> "YOU TOO SKINNY, YOU EAT!"


See, another strike there too...I am an awesome cook and I get very, very offended when someone doesn't eat my food. :ezpi_wink1:


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> We can agree to disagree, Nsweet because I don't agree with you.


I didn't agree with it either when someone told me the way to get lean was to not eat one day a week. Then I read everything I could find about it on my own, gave it a try, and never went back to micro meals or low carbing again.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> I get very, very offended when someone doesn't eat my food.


I think most cooks feel this way.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> See, another strike there too...I am an awesome cook and I get very, very offended when someone doesn't eat my food. :ezpi_wink1:


Well now you're just looking for reasons. Which leaves me flattered. 

And with a Friday smile on my face.


----------



## vi_bride04

Ups got a crush!!!


----------



## Dollystanford

Is he going to start posting pics in budgie smugglers to impress because I'm all for that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Sasquatch was on Atkins for several months. I was pregnant at the time. It was extreme too...and it was awful. I learned how to make mock potatoes and rice out of cauliflower. 

It really screwed with his moods, and his health. But, he did lose a lot of weight. (...he has since gained it all back. )

When I was 7 months pregnant, I had to rush him to the hospital late at night because he thought he was having a heart attack. It turned out that is wasn't a heart attack...but, some sort of ulcer most likely caused by the stupid diet. His potassium levels were extremely low. ...and while we were in the ER, he refused to let any of the doctors know that he was on that diet--because he didn't want a lecture from them about how unhealthy it was. 

He continued on that diet for several more months. ...despite how it played with his moods, his health, and his mental well-being.

It was all about 'looking good'.


----------



## lisab0105

Dollystanford said:


> Is he going to start posting pics in budgie smugglers to impress because I'm all for that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::iagree:


----------



## lisab0105

jpr said:


> Sasquatch was on Atkins for several months. I was pregnant at the time. It was extreme too...and it was awful. I learned how to make mock potatoes and rice out of cauliflower.
> 
> It really screwed with his moods, and his health. But, he did lose a lot of weight. (...he has since gained it all back. )
> 
> When I was 7 months pregnant, I had to rush him to the hospital late at night because he thought he was having a heart attack. It turned out that is wasn't a heart attack...but, some sort of ulcer most likely caused by the stupid diet. His potassium levels were extremely low. ...and while we were in the ER, he refused to let any of the doctors know that he was on that diet--because he didn't want a lecture from them about how unhealthy it was.
> 
> He continued on that diet for several more months. ...despite how it played with his moods, his health, and his mental well-being.
> 
> It was all about 'looking good'.


Carbs make the world a much happier place.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Ups got a crush!!!


What can I say? It doesn't happen often but she makes it easy to.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok, get a room you TWO. 

Haha.


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> Carbs make the world a much happier place.


I don't think I can ever cut my carbs out...ever.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Fasting would never work for me. Your body will use up the calories you DO eat when you start up again and faster so it's counter-productive, IMO. I much prefer the idea of eating 5-6 small meals a day to speed up metabolism.
> 
> Yay! Sex!


Years ago when i worked retail and walked the floor for 8 hours a day i got into a grazing diet and wow did i have energy and lose weight. At one point i was down to 135lb. I definitely could have used muscle mass but i was not emaciated at all. I liked many things about being at that weight, but it was hard to get out of that groove and when i took a sit down job and began married life the pounds went on like crazy. Post divorce i was down to 165 (from 195) and was doing resistance exercises and eating well and it was beginning to feel good too... But I've crept back up to 180 and really don't have much time for exercise these days, apart from walking to work and certain activities with my gf


----------



## vi_bride04

Must be frisky Friday up in here today


----------



## Jellybeans

What is a grazing diet?

And HELL YES to your "certain activities" with the girlfriend.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Must be frisky Friday up in here today


It's frisky in here every day, kwim?

This thread should really be 

*The Hornies of TAM*


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## TheGoodGuy

Jellybeans said:


> *The Hornies of TAM*


:lol::rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Sasquatch was on Atkins for several months. I was pregnant at the time. It was extreme too...and it was awful. I learned how to make mock potatoes and rice out of cauliflower.
> 
> It really screwed with his moods, and his health. But, he did lose a lot of weight. (...he has since gained it all back. )
> 
> When I was 7 months pregnant, I had to rush him to the hospital late at night because he thought he was having a heart attack. It turned out that is wasn't a heart attack...but, some sort of ulcer most likely caused by the stupid diet. His potassium levels were extremely low. ...and while we were in the ER, he refused to let any of the doctors know that he was on that diet--because he didn't want a lecture from them about how unhealthy it was.
> 
> He continued on that diet for several more months. ...despite how it played with his moods, his health, and his mental well-being.
> 
> It was all about 'looking good'.


That's exactly what happened to me. Ulcers too. 

I didn't know it at the time but you need carbs to produce enough serotonin for mood support. You can maybe get away with a few weeks of just meat and water if you take the right supplements. Calcium for it's calming effects, potassium and salt to keep electrolyte levels normal, and fiber powder if you're not getting enough to poop. Some meds also help, but you shouldn't be needing antidepressants to keep you on a diet. 

A lot of people don't realize that low carbs diets are extremely bad for you in the long run. The bodybuilders who use them to shed weight quickly don't do them for prolonged periods of time because they can make you really weak and confused. And they take either ECA, clenbutural, or T3 (which is the nastiest of all) just to shed 10lbs a month for a show.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> It's frisky in here every day, kwim?
> 
> This thread should really be
> 
> *The Hornies of TAM*


Yep.. pretty accurate...

ooo im going to get some tomorrow! It will be better this time, i have already sent him a few "suggestions" to make it a better


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> What is a grazing diet?


It's the 5-6 meal a day method. But I've also heard of that term used to describe eating tiny amounts every 2 hours or sooner.


----------



## lisab0105

They don't have a blushing smilie!!! Dammit..well just so you people know...I am blushing right now. THAT doesn't happen often.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Ok, get a room you TWO.
> 
> Haha.


Are you offering a solution to the geography issue?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I typically look at body fat and not at overall weight. If you want your body fat percentage to be lower, the best approach BY FAR is a slower, more sustainable one. However, unless you are morbidly obese and/or have health issues, body fat percentage is not a great way to measure health. It’s just not that important. Frankly, I think most people know this but they let aesthetic goals take them over. Take your time, enjoy the process, and if you want to be leaner, do it. You should know that dieting hard all the time is not a great formula for health and it’s really quite difficult to maintain – this is why the notion of “rebound weight gain exists” – we’re SUPPOSED to eat! Similarly, just because some chart on your body fat percentage method suggests you are not lean enough, just accept that as mostly opinion with some anecdotal evidence. Find your own happiness.


----------



## jpr

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, get a room you TWO.
> 
> Haha.


No, no, no.

Don't get a room. I like to watch.


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> No, no, no.
> 
> Don't get a room. I like to watch.


:moon::whip:


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> No, no, no.
> 
> Don't get a room. I like to watch.


naughty jrp... glad your hat is coming home tomorrow you really really need to get some


----------



## jpr

unsure78 said:


> naughty jrp... glad your hat is coming home tomorrow you really really need to get some


Yeeeeeeeessssssssss.


I do.

Badly.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Are you offering a solution to the geography issue?


Look, if I had magic capabilities and a traveler portal I would put you both in it so you could see eachother. 



jpr said:


> No, no, no.
> 
> Don't get a room. I like to watch.


:rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

jpr said:


> No, no, no.
> 
> Don't get a room. I like to watch.


Oh my gosh America...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> It's the 5-6 meal a day method. But I've also heard of that term used to describe eating tiny amounts every 2 hours or sooner.


Yep. For me i would take a handful of trail mix for breakfast, an apple a couple hours later, a carrot at lunch, usually throw in a few potato chips for an afternoon snack, granola bar after work, and Make a small stirfry for supper saving 2/3 of it for the next couple days. I didn't eat all that healthy, not many greens... But after a couple months and for over a year that followed my mind just started working so much better. I was alert and awake and was getting awesome grades at college. I was mostly on that diet because i was living on $9k a year (and having to pay rent tuition and books fronm that) and as pasta was cheap it was part of my diet but more than a small size serving would shut me down so i just kept portions tiny and always had something at hand.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> *Look, if I had magic capabilities and a traveler portal I would put you both in it so you could see eachother. *
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


Ha! JB, if you had magical capabilities and a traveling portal, something tells me you would be taking care of your own dirty girl business...if you know what I'm sayin


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> Yep. For me i would take a handful of trail mix for breakfast, an apple a couple hours later, a carrot at lunch, usually throw in a few potato chips for an afternoon snack, granola bar after work, and Make a small stirfry for supper saving 2/3 of it for the next couple days. I didn't eat all that healthy, not many greens... But after a couple months and for over a year that followed my mind just started working so much better. I was alert and awake and was getting awesome grades at college. I was mostly on that diet because i was living on $9k a year (and having to pay rent tuition and books fronm that) and as pasta was cheap it was part of my diet but more than a small size serving would shut me down so i just kept portions tiny and always had something at hand.


I've found that after a couple hours without food, skipping breakfast and maybe lunch, my thinking is so much sharper and I can get a lot done without having to stop for a coffee break or a snack.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> Yep. For me i would take a handful of trail mix for breakfast, an apple a couple hours later, a carrot at lunch, usually throw in a few potato chips for an afternoon snack, granola bar after work, and Make a small stirfry for supper saving 2/3 of it for the next couple days. I didn't eat all that healthy, not many greens... But after a couple months and for over a year that followed my mind just started working so much better. I was alert and awake and was getting awesome grades at college. I was mostly on that diet because i was living on $9k a year (and having to pay rent tuition and books fronm that) and as pasta was cheap it was part of my diet but more than a small size serving would shut me down so i just kept portions tiny and always had something at hand.


Its amazing what diet does for mood and mind. 

I know I get more depressed and unmotivated when I eat too much processed/GMO crap.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> They don't have a blushing smilie!!! Dammit..well just so you people know...I am blushing right now. THAT doesn't happen often.


Really? Gal like you should blush at least once a day, if not more. :thumbup:

*lays it on thick*


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh my days
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Are you offering a solution to the geography issue?


Three words.... Clone-A-Willy. 

For the lover who can't be there but can still get the job done. If you know what I'm sayin.:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Three words.... Clone-A-Willy.
> 
> For the lover who can't be there but can still get the job done. If you know what I'm sayin.:smthumbup:


There are kits to do this, right? Well to take a mold of your SO's junk to make a dildo


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Ha! JB, if you had magical capabilities and a traveling portal, something tells me you would be taking care of your own dirty girl business...if you know what I'm sayin


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Three words.... Clone-A-Willy.
> 
> For the lover who can't be there but can still get the job done. If you know what I'm sayin.:smthumbup:


I dunno about you, but I got Leftina and Palmela taking care of bizznass.

If you know what I'm saying.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> There are kits to do this, right? Well to take a mold of your SO's junk to make a dildo


YES! 

I have discussed this a but with my PE group. The best way to do it is to somehow make the mold inside a penis pump, because men often report the mix is too cold to keep them hard enough for very long. I found instructions for this before, but I'm going to have to google a bit to find that site again.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> I dunno about you, but I got *Leftina and Palmela* taking care of bizznass.
> 
> If you know what I'm saying.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Holy sh!t I'm glad I'm working from home today b/c I snorted laughing so hard on that one


----------



## Dollystanford

Too subtle big guy, you'll have to spell it out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> I've found that after a couple hours without food, skipping breakfast and maybe lunch, my thinking is so much sharper and I can get a lot done without having to stop for a coffee break or a snack.


I could function fine if i missed a snack, but i found that i was deliberately eating BEFORE i felt hungry. When i was grazing like this i never felt hungry and it was actually a task to remember to eat.

So the main point of my comment is that what worked really well for you will not work well for someone else.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Too subtle big guy, you'll have to spell it out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh you London folk.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> No, no, no.
> 
> Don't get a room. I like to watch.


Not my style, sorry.


----------



## lisab0105

Yeah- So...anyway.  

I find that I fluctuate towards my lower 5lbs the days after I don't work out. So does that mean I should be working out every other day? I do 4 miles every single day except Sundays.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Really? Gal like you should blush at least once a day, if not more. :thumbup:
> 
> *lays it on thick*


 You have rendered me momentarily speechless...:wtf: is wrong with me. I'm such a girl.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Yeah- So...anyway.
> 
> I find that I fluctuate towards my lower 5lbs the days after I don't work out. So does that mean I should be working out every other day? I do 4 miles every single day except Sundays.


No, that just means you're gaining and losing water from your muscles. It's perfectly natural. 

Not unless you just want to workout more often.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> You have rendered me momentarily speechless...:wtf: is wrong with me. I'm such a girl.


It's good to know that you're having a good day so far.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Yeah- So...anyway.
> 
> I find that I fluctuate towards my lower 5lbs the days after I don't work out. So does that mean I should be working out every other day? I do 4 miles every single day except Sundays.


If you have a day off and don't overdue it, your body will continue to burn the body fat. To me, rest days and good sleep are just as important as working out hard. Well, plus food.

You could try doing a lighter run every other day, turn it up on the others and then make Saturday a really good one. Using Sunday as a recovery.


----------



## Dollystanford

I also prefer to eat little and often - it works for me
I could no more fast for a day than grow a c*ck and balls frankly


----------



## Nsweet

Oh Dolly, you've already got balls.


----------



## Ikaika

Tell you what you will have to fast and sh!t a lot before you get your colonoscopy. 

That was one hell of a short diet :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> Tell you what you will have to fast and sh!t a lot before you get your colonoscopy.
> 
> That was one hell of a short diet :rofl:


I had a really bad flu right after Xmas. Couldn't keep anything down and for days after hydration was almost impossible.

I took what nature gave me (a mini fast) and told myself I wasn't going to regain that weight. Well, put on a bit to regain my strength but haven't looked back since.

Speaking of colonoscopy ... I suppose I need to look into that as I'm hitting 30 soon. Got to be safe and all! 

....


----------



## Ikaika

06Daddio08 said:


> I had a really bad flu right after Xmas. Couldn't keep anything down and for days after hydration was almost impossible.
> 
> I took what nature gave me (a mini fast) and told myself I wasn't going to regain that weight. Well, put on a bit to regain my strength but haven't looked back since.
> 
> Speaking of colonoscopy ... I suppose I need to look into that as *I'm hitting 30 soon. *Got to be safe and all!
> 
> ....



Oh grasshopper, you still have 20 years before you need to worry about that medical violation. Someone asked on another thread if I had ever run into any of my former student? And, yes I have. When I went in for my colposcopy last May one of the nurses was a former student. I said, please be gentle with my ass I am a virgin in that department. They all laughed, flapped up gown and went right to work


----------



## unsure78

lol now we are talking about a colonoscopy this thread is very unique... someone at my work once put a pic from their colonoscopy up in their office... nothing says knowing your coworkers like seeing a pic from inside their a$$...hahahahaha


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> Ha! JB, if you had magical capabilities and a traveling portal, something tells me you would be taking care of your own dirty girl business...if you know what I'm sayin


And you KNOW this, maaaaan! Haha. I would have taken care of that eons ago! 

Sigh.

Re: eating... if I don't have breakfast or coffee, I am just not myself. I am angry and mean. LOL.


----------



## lisab0105

Dollystanford said:


> I also prefer to eat little and often - it works for me
> I could no more fast for a day than grow a c*ck and balls frankly


Quote of the day


----------



## angelpixie

This the most fascinating thread on TAM. Concurrent conversations on weight loss/muscle building/dieting alternating with flirtatious banter spurred on by talk of weight loss/muscle building/dieting peppered with innuendo about voyeurism and posts from lucky singles who will actually be having real sex this weekend and last, but certainly not least, an endorsement of the Clone-a-Willy from Nsweet.

Rock on, TAM Singles!! :smthumbup: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> This the most fascinating thread on TAM. Concurrent conversations on weight loss/muscle building/dieting alternating with flirtatious banter spurred on by talk of weight loss/muscle building/dieting peppered with innuendo about voyeurism and posts from lucky singles who will actually be having real sex this weekend and last, but certainly not least, an endorsement of the Clone-a-Willy from Nsweet.
> 
> Rock on, TAM Singles!! :smthumbup: :rofl: :rofl:


Don't forget about penis shaped objects.


----------



## angelpixie

How could I? Sigh.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> This the most fascinating thread on TAM. Concurrent conversations on weight loss/muscle building/dieting alternating with flirtatious banter spurred on by talk of weight loss/muscle building/dieting peppered with innuendo about voyeurism and posts from lucky singles who will actually be having real sex this weekend and last, but certainly not least, an endorsement of the Clone-a-Willy from Nsweet.
> 
> Rock on, TAM Singles!! :smthumbup: :rofl: :rofl:


Yea you know we are awesome here..hehehehehehehehe


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> This the most fascinating thread on TAM. Concurrent conversations on weight loss/muscle building/dieting alternating with flirtatious banter spurred on by talk of weight loss/muscle building/dieting peppered with innuendo about voyeurism and posts from lucky singles who will actually be having real sex this weekend and last, but certainly not least, an endorsement of the Clone-a-Willy from Nsweet.
> 
> Rock on, TAM Singles!! :smthumbup: :rofl: :rofl:


I'll try my darndest to not peeve someone off and spoil the fun.


----------



## lisab0105

angelpixie said:


> This the most fascinating thread on TAM. Concurrent conversations on weight loss/muscle building/dieting alternating with flirtatious banter spurred on by talk of weight loss/muscle building/dieting peppered with innuendo about voyeurism and posts from lucky singles who will actually be having real sex this weekend and last, but certainly not least, an endorsement of the Clone-a-Willy from Nsweet.
> 
> Rock on, TAM Singles!! :smthumbup: :rofl: :rofl:


That is a very sexy summary you have there


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Yea you know we are awesome here..hehehehehehehehe


Yup. this. 

:smthumbup:

I LOVE YOU GUYS :toast:


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> This the most fascinating thread on TAM. Concurrent conversations on weight loss/muscle building/dieting alternating with flirtatious banter spurred on by talk of weight loss/muscle building/dieting peppered with innuendo about voyeurism and posts from lucky singles who will actually be having real sex this weekend and last, but certainly not least, an endorsement of the Clone-a-Willy from Nsweet.
> 
> Rock on, TAM Singles!! :smthumbup: :rofl: :rofl:


And I'm not even trying to use shock humor to be funny. I just like talking about dildos. I think they're funny. Fun to sword fight with too, if you ever get a chance to play around in a sex shop.:smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> And I'm not even trying to use shock humor to be funny. I just like talking about dildos. I think they're funny. Fun to sword fight with too, if you ever get a chance to play around in a sex shop.:smthumbup:


Sometimes all I can do is laugh and shake my head in your general direction.

No offense of course. Haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> This the most fascinating thread on TAM.


Oh I am convinced that this is the best thread at TAM. We are a fun bunch. 




vi_bride04 said:


> Yup. this.
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYS :toast:



Awww. We love you, too, Vi!


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> And I'm not even trying to use shock humor to be funny. I just like talking about dildos. I think they're funny. Fun to sword fight with too, if you ever get a chance to play around in a sex shop.:smthumbup:


You gotta love Nsweet.... you my dear make TAM a more interesting place


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Oh I am convinced that this is the best thread at TAM. We are a fun bunch.


I should come here after a drink or two.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I should come here after a drink or two.


Have you never drunk posted before?


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Sometimes all I can do is laugh and shake my head in your general direction.
> 
> No offense of course. Haha.


None taken. I don't shame very easily. 

Wanna hear something funny? I have been considering getting back into electronics, going to school again and studying electronics HARD, and inventing some crazy robotic dildo. It all started as a joke with my dad, but then I started thinking about it and I figured why not. The very worst that can happen people joke about it online and give me negative feedback. It would be a fun project though.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

There was a moment last night in front of the fire from the fire place, full on sweat going, getting it on from behind, gripping the couch that I realized......this may be the best sex I've ever had. :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

I haven't been drunk since 1998 (not a lie). I don't think going online was that big of a deal back then...I imagine drunk posting would be a lot like drunk texting. Something else I haven't done since texting wasn't a thing back then either. 

F'ck I feel old. And lame.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> There was a moment last night in front of the fire from the fire place, full on sweat going, getting it on from behind, gripping the couch that I realized......this may be the best sex I've ever had. :smthumbup:


Just RUB it in why don't you! No pun intended.

But really... I am happy you had THE BEST SEX ever last night?

Why was it the best sex? I want to know because I am nosey.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Have you never drunk posted before?


Oh most certainly. Don't you recall some of my old threads back when I was sobbing? Haha.

Generally when I drink, I'm out and about with people. I don't usually keep alcohol in the apartment. 

But ... if I have only a couple it usually loosens the lips, which occasionally sinks ships.


----------



## angelpixie

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll try my darndest to not peeve someone off and spoil the fun.



Don't worry -- he's got you on ignore, anyway.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I haven't been drunk since 1998 (not a lie). I don't think going online was that big of a deal back then...I imagine drunk posting would be a lot like drunk texting. Something else I haven't done since texting wasn't a thing back then either.
> 
> F'ck I feel old. And lame.


Being drunk isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but it is fun at times.

Old is such a negative way to think of it. I prefer experienced. Plus ... aren't you only like 34?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> Don't worry -- he's got you on ignore, anyway.


Which one? 

I'm the most followed ignored guy on TAM.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Just RUB it in why don't you! No pun intended.
> 
> But really... I am happy you had THE BEST SEX ever last night?
> 
> Why was it the best sex? I want to know because I am nosey.


1) It had been a week. (which isn't too long, but long enough to get you really horny)

2) It was happening right then. 

3) I actually love her.

4) I feel really good about myself. (physically speaking) 

5) I felt like a porn star.

6) She was loud

7) It was really sloppy

8) Having sex in front of a fire.....? what?

9) It was a crescendo of stress relief and passion


----------



## lisab0105

06daddio08 said:


> being drunk isn't all that it's cracked up to be, but it is fun at times.
> 
> Old is such a negative way to think of it. I prefer experienced. Plus ... Aren't you only like 34?


+1


----------



## Nsweet

Did I tell you guys what happened at Christmas with my cousin? I found out by accident that she's FREAK. 
She's a pretty blonde and strong as hell for her size. She's built like a farmers daughter, hence her nickname "Elly May". Every time we have a family get together somehow my other male cousin and I end up play fighting with her. She likes to start fights and thinks you're not going to take her down. 

Anyways, it was during the Christmas family photo when we got out last few licks in, and I pulled her hair from the base, because I didn't want to hurt her, just to see if it would piss her off. She didn't get pissed off like I planned. Instead she just got this big ole sh!t eating grin like she's used to having her hair pulled during sex. I was the only one that noticed. I'm still horrified.:rofl:


----------



## jpr

Aw, D2H...

I plan on having a similar experience tomorrow night.

Rawr!


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait, so who has Daddio on ignore? I am confused.



Dedicated2Her said:


> 2) It was happening right then.
> 
> 3) I actually love her.
> 
> *5) I felt like a porn star.*
> 
> 6) She was loud
> 
> 7) It was really sloppy
> 
> *8) Having sex in front of a fire.....? what?*
> 
> 9) It was a crescendo of stress relief and passion


Haha. AWESOME! :smthumbup: Lovely breakdown too if I might say!



Nsweet said:


> She didn't get pissed off like I planned. Instead she just got this big ole sh!t eating grin like she's used to having her hair pulled during sex. I was the only one that noticed. I'm still horrified.:rofl:


:rofl::rofl:

Too funny, Nsweet. I have a cousin who I've not seen in forever but he had a big crush on me. It was very inappropriate and awkward. He would say things that were totally offside.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> Aw, D2H...
> 
> I plan on having a similar experience tomorrow night.
> 
> Rawr!


You sex-having people need to take it easy on those of us doing without!


----------



## Jellybeans

Preach!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> There was a moment last night in front of the fire from the fire place, full on sweat going, getting it on from behind, gripping the couch that I realized......this may be the best sex I've ever had. :smthumbup:


Woohoo! I've had a couple of those "literally the best sex ever" moments since divorce. I'm not one to publicly share the details quite as you have though


----------



## Jellybeans

Guys, I am being post-stalked on TAM.

There is a poster cealled Mo42, who keeps interjecting my name into ALL of his posts and saying that I told im stuff that I didn't. 

It's really starting to trip me and is disturbing.

I just found another one of his posts. 

He has done it at least 5ish times now.

I have a TAM STALKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's really freakin bizarre!

Here is one of his last posts: 



Mo42 said:


> wow. he is on day 31 and lets hear your 'fun dating stories' but i should be locked up in a cave somewhere instead of dating because it has only been 3 months for me.
> 
> wow.


He keeps putting my name in all of his posts!

I'm not sure what his deal is with me or why he keeps doing this...


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha it's all good. I'm still on the lookout for a 5'5" bombshell.


Guys always want the shorty's. No room for the 5'10 chicks :awink:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Guys, I am being post-stalked on TAM.
> 
> There is a poster cealled Mo42, who keeps interjecting my name into ALL of his posts and saying that I told im stuff that I didn't.
> 
> It's really starting to trip me and is disturbing.
> 
> I just found another one of his posts.
> 
> He has done it at least 5ish times now.
> 
> I have a TAM STALKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> It's really freakin bizarre!
> 
> Here is one of his last posts:
> 
> 
> 
> He keeps putting my name in all of his posts!
> 
> I'm not sure what his deal is with me or why he keeps doing this...


I think remember seeing another member on here with a handle like yours jb, maybe he is referring to another commenter?


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Guys always want the shorty's. No room for the 5'10 chicks :awink:


Yo!:smthumbup:

I love tall chicks. I would be ecstatic if I could find one my height 6'.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Guys, I am being post-stalked on TAM.
> 
> There is a poster cealled Mo42, who keeps interjecting my name into ALL of his posts and saying that I told im stuff that I didn't.
> 
> It's really starting to trip me and is disturbing.
> 
> I just found another one of his posts.
> 
> He has done it at least 5ish times now.
> 
> I have a TAM STALKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> It's really freakin bizarre!
> 
> Here is one of his last posts:
> 
> 
> 
> He keeps putting my name in all of his posts!
> 
> I'm not sure what his deal is with me or why he keeps doing this...


I am assuming you have reported him already?


----------



## COGypsy

Lon said:


> I think remember seeing another member on here with a handle like yours jb, maybe he is referring to another commenter?


Nope, he pretty specifically keeps referring to JB and D2H. It is really odd, I must agree.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Guys, I am being post-stalked on TAM.
> 
> There is a poster cealled Mo42, who keeps interjecting my name into ALL of his posts and saying that I told im stuff that I didn't.
> 
> It's really starting to trip me and is disturbing.
> 
> I just found another one of his posts.
> 
> He has done it at least 5ish times now.
> 
> I have a TAM STALKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> It's really freakin bizarre!
> 
> Here is one of his last posts:
> 
> 
> 
> He keeps putting my name in all of his posts!
> 
> I'm not sure what his deal is with me or why he keeps doing this...



Creepy. Just followed up on his post, yikes. Maybe going dark for a day might sending him away. Wow, definitely don't put up any pics for a while.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Guys always want the shorty's. No room for the 5'10 chicks :awink:


If more 5'10' chicks were into 5'8" guys the world would be a happier place. As for me I really like my 5'0" gf


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans, report him! Report him and then bring it up in the Troll thread. The mods regularly read that thread and address the biggest concerns. He's trolling this thread pretty hard and talking about you. I do see that.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Guys always want the shorty's. No room for the 5'10 chicks :awink:





Lon said:


> If more 5'10' chicks were into 5'8" guys the world would be a happier place.


Seeing how I'm 5'8", I have to agree with Lon.

Height isn't a concern, especially seeing how much differently I feel about myself now. No self confidence issues standing beside a sweet pair of legs.

Plus, the taller girls provide a little longer of a distance to other sweet spots on the body. Could make for more fun.

Wouldn't you agree?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I think remember seeing another member on here with a handle like yours jb, maybe he is referring to another commenter?


Nope, he is writing about me specifically.



lisab0105 said:


> I am assuming you have reported him already?


Can you report someone for TAM-stalking? Lol.



COGypsy said:


> Nope, he pretty specifically keeps referring to JB and D2H. It is really odd, I must agree.


Yeah, it is so weird. D2H was engaging him but I stopped until I saw he kept writing about me again! 



Nsweet said:


> Yo!:smthumbup:
> 
> I love tall chicks. I would be ecstatic if I could find one my height 6'.


Are you tall? And yeah, I may take your advice about the troll thing. Cause that is kinda the way he is coming across.



drerio said:


> Creepy. Just followed up on his post, yikes. Maybe going dark for a day might sending him away. Wow, definitely don't put up any pics for a while.


Most definitely. It's really really weird and creepy.

Oh and it's FRIDAY. Drinks on me for everyone in Singles (except for those who don't drink, but I've got music and party favors, too).


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Wait, so who has Daddio on ignore? I am confused.


Vi told be not to stir the pot.


----------



## ne9907

Wow Jellybeans thats very strange. Have a mod look into that.

Today I realize I am in love with the idea of romantic love.
I want to be in love again with someone who loves me back


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Wow Jellybeans thats very strange. Have a mod look into that.
> 
> Today I realize I am in love with the idea of romantic love.
> I want to be in love again with someone who loves me back


Me too, why is it so fvcking hard to find now??


----------



## vi_bride04

Up - stop stirring the pot


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Me too, why is it so fvcking hard to find now??


Cuz you want it and are looking for it


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Wow Jellybeans thats very strange. Have a mod look into that.
> 
> Today I realize I am in love with the idea of romantic love.
> I want to be in love again with someone who loves me back


Aw. Yeah that Notebook kind of romance is so nice to think about, right?  I think we all wish for that secretly.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Wow Jellybeans thats very strange. Have a mod look into that.
> 
> Today I realize I am in love with the idea of romantic love.
> I want to be in love again with someone who loves me back


Sounds like some is ready to move on.:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Sounds like some is ready to move on.:smthumbup:


Ha!! If only.... ever since his last phone call,I have been toying with the thought of getting in my car and driving east, get on I40 and dont stop till I make it home (used to be my home) that's us what made me realize I am in love with romantic love.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Ha!! If only.... ever since his last phone call,I have been toying with the thought of getting in my car and driving east, get on I40 and dont stop till I make it home (used to be my home) that's us what made me realize I am in love with romantic love.


Not a thing wrong with loving the thought of romantic love. The application of said thought is what becomes questioned.


----------



## unsure78

yea jelly ive been following that thread too and it does seem like he had a hard on for you two.. ive never seen someone call out the same people again and again... its creepy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

Ladies!! TGIF

I hope you all find your Jimmie Moore :ezpi_wink1:

Jimmie Moore's Band. - YouTube


----------



## Another Planet

angelpixie said:


> Don't worry -- he's got you on ignore, anyway.


No I don't 
I have noticed people take me to seriously. It's Friday night lets keep it fun guys


----------



## lisab0105

Totally random thought as I sat in Jersey traffic...whoever thought I of the term "built like a brick sh*t house"???? Like, what made someone think a woman would ever want to be described as a sturdy sh*tter?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Totally random thought as I sat in Jersey traffic...whoever thought I of the term "built like a brick sh*t house"???? Like, what made someone think a woman would ever want to be described as a sturdy sh*tter?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That must be a Jersey thing ...


----------



## Dollystanford

No it's a London thing too 
In fact I used the term to describe the absolute monster of a woman an ex cheated with


----------



## unsure78

ooo im so bored right now i may actually wander out of singles thread even out of LAD.... haven't really been out of here for a while
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> ooo im so bored right now i may actually wander out of singles thread even out of LAD.... haven't really been out of here for a while
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm right there with you. Working overtime tomorrow, so it's a quiet and boring Friday night.

No Secret Agent?


----------



## unsure78

tomorrow night for sa, i have the munchkin tonight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

lisab0105 said:


> Totally random thought as I sat in Jersey traffic...whoever thought I of the term "built like a brick sh*t house"???? Like, what made someone think a woman would ever want to be described as a sturdy sh*tter?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's a brick......house.

Isn't that part of song or am I losing my mind?:scratchhead:


I have heard that phrase often, then again I am right next to Jersey. Maybe it is a regional thing.


----------



## Another Planet

chic a wow chic a wow ya

Brick House-Rob Zombie - YouTube


----------



## lisab0105

muskrat said:


> She's a brick......house.
> 
> Isn't that part of song or am I losing my mind?:scratchhead:
> 
> 
> I have heard that phrase often, then again I am right next to Jersey. Maybe it is a regional thing.


You are right about the song, but some people throughout the Nation felt it necessary to elaborate on exactly what kind of a house...lol


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> chic a wow chic a wow ya
> 
> Brick House-Rob Zombie - YouTube


Sigh...I love him. Even when he is singing that stupid song. I have loved him since White Zombie.


----------



## jpr

I just did my taxes. Fun, fun on a Friday night.


----------



## Another Planet

I am in love with his wife Sherri Moon


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> I just did my taxes. Fun, fun on a Friday night.


It's Friday


----------



## Morgiana

Nsweet said:


> Three words.... Clone-A-Willy.
> 
> For the lover who can't be there but can still get the job done. If you know what I'm sayin.:smthumbup:


Yeah, I've participated in the making of one of these . Fun! Although the vibrator could have been of a better quality...


----------



## vi_bride04

Out dancing...man there are some hot guys here...yummy yummy scenery!!!


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Wow Jellybeans thats very strange. Have a mod look into that.
> 
> Today I realize I am in love with the idea of romantic love.
> I want to be in love again with someone who loves me back


I can relate ne. When I was dating a while back I had a few "romance moments" that made me swoon. Sunsets in hammocks, rooms filled with candles, those soft tender looks you exchange with someone you care for...... 

Now that I'm not dating and focusing solely on me something funny happened - I fell in love with myself. It's kind of amazing and exciting and even better than the best romantic love and moments I've experienced.

Not sure if I'll ever find "the one" or even "the one right now" but I'm not bitter about it. Really enjoying my own company, discovering who I am, and creating the kind of life I want. 

Disclaimer: I was able to focus on this WAY more after getting my first post-d sexual experience out of the way. A girl has needs dammit!


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> I can relate ne. When I was dating a while back I had a few "romance moments" that made me swoon. Sunsets in hammocks, rooms filled with candles, those soft tender looks you exchange with someone you care for......
> 
> Now that I'm not dating and focusing solely on me something funny happened - I fell in love with myself. It's kind of amazing and exciting and even better than the best romantic love and moments I've experienced.
> 
> Not sure if I'll ever find "the one" or even "the one right now" but I'm not bitter about it. Really enjoying my own company, discovering who I am, and creating the kind of life I want.
> 
> Disclaimer: I was able to focus on this WAY more after getting my first post-d sexual experience out of the way. A girl has needs dammit!


Maybe I am in a good mood, but that cant be because I just wasted 9 hours doing insurance business and no sales.... 
BUT I LOVE YOUR POST!!!

I love myself, I am so adorable, cute, amazing, loving, caring, a bit crazy, romantic... I have a killer smile and super white teeth!!
My hair is naturally wavy (very romantic).. I am a great catch! And I have caught myself!!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am so adorable, cute, amazing, loving, caring, a bit crazy, romantic... I have a killer smile and super white teeth!!
> My hair is naturally wavy (very romantic).. I am a great catch! And I have caught myself!!


All of this is true! If any of you have ever seen a pic of NE, she just looks like someone you would want to hug and never let go. She's just that adorable.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> All of this is true! If any of you have ever seen a pic of NE, she just looks like someone you would want to hug and never let go. She's just that adorable.


So true! Glad NE is finally seeing and believing it!


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Out dancing...man there are some hot guys here...yummy yummy scenery!!!


Glad to see you stopped by only once while you were out in front of yummy scenery.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Found a word document that contained a lot of information I had posted about a year or so ago. It's crazy to think how much crap has happened in such a short period of time, well, I'm sure a lot of us can relate. Haha.

My dastardly brain had some fun last night while sleeping but man, am I ever glad to be single! Sure, every once and a while I feel otherwise but after reading that .. yeah baby!

I think tomorrow will be a cheat day, I should make it a good one ...


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Found a word document that contained a lot of information I had posted about a year or so ago. It's crazy to think how much crap has happened in such a short period of time, well, I'm sure a lot of us can relate. Haha.
> 
> My dastardly brain had some fun last night while sleeping but man, am I ever glad to be single! Sure, every once and a while I feel otherwise but after reading that .. yeah baby!
> 
> I think tomorrow will be a cheat day, I should make it a good one ...


yep you were in a way different place a year ago... i remember  you have been doing great Up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> yea jelly ive been following that thread too and* it does seem like he had a hard on for you two*.. ive never seen someone call out the same people again and again... its creepy


Agreed! I think he is in love with D2H and I.

Am heading to a winery later today to do some tastings/pairings. Excited eventhough I wanted to stay at home all day. Should be fun.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> yep you were in a way different place a year ago... i remember  you have been doing great Up
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks. The feeling is mutual. 

Managed to drag myself in for an extra 8 hours today. My ass is killing me ... from lunges (I swear) and I have a dance party going on with my music. Skrillex, Hardwell and Knife Party.

*Bow bow bow bow dookie dookie bow bow bow* 

:rofl:


----------



## jpr

*i am going to have sex today!!!!!!!!*



!!!!!!!!


----------



## lisab0105

Been watching food network all morning...now I want pizza for breakfast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

lisab0105 said:


> Been watching food network all morning...now I want pizza for breakfast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I realize that is nowhere near as exciting as jpr having a party under her sheets. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Been watching food network all morning...now I want pizza for breakfast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


......

Diners, Drive-ins and Dives

Eat Street

You Gotta Eat Here

I have to stay away from that channel, it's horrible for my willpower. I heard one commercial though and it makes me laugh every time.

Something like, "The cupcake industry, is cutthroat." She sounds so hardcore about it.

One of my bucket list items is to go on a road trip and try out a lot of those places you see on Triple Ds. That and I want to try Chicago, New York pizza.


----------



## Jellybeans

I think Alton Brown is so sexy. He is such a nerd. (I have a thing for nerdy men).

When I am cooking I like to have the Food Network on in the background. It expands the culinary experience.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> ......
> 
> Diners, Drive-ins and Dives
> 
> Eat Street
> 
> You Gotta Eat Here
> 
> I have to stay away from that channel, it's horrible for my willpower. I heard one commercial though and it makes me laugh every time.
> 
> Something like, "The cupcake industry, is cutthroat." She sounds so hardcore about it.
> 
> One of my bucket list items is to go on a road trip and try out a lot of those places you see on Triple Ds. That and I want to try Chicago, New York pizza.


NY Pizza is nothing special. Unless you like cheesy cardboard. 3 years in Brooklyn and I was unimpressed. 

My food road trip will be to try out the nations best hot dogs. :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> I think Alton Brown is so sexy. He is such a nerd. (I have a thing for nerdy men).
> 
> When I am cooking I like to have the Food Network on in the background. It expands the culinary experience.


He is hilarious. 

But I am all about Scott Contant :smnotworthy::yay::corkysm60:

I love the way he talks about his wife...so sexy.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> NY Pizza is nothing special. Unless you like cheesy cardboard. 3 years in Brooklyn and I was unimpressed.
> 
> My food road trip will be to try out the nations best hot dogs. :smthumbup:


Your description reminded me of High School. We had a little Mom n Pop pizza place across the street that sold slices for $1.50. We used to joke that it was so cheap because he just put cheese on cardboard.

Traveling the nation searching for the tastiest wieners! That sounds like a hot mess waiting to happen.

Hmmmm.


----------



## Dollystanford

Swooooooooooooooooooooooooon


----------



## lisab0105

I have a huge crush on Adam too...I liked him even more before he lost weight. 

I have always said my perfect guy would be a mix of Adam Richman, Louis CK and Zak Bagan (from ghost adventures).


----------



## Dollystanford

Look at that little face, I could eat him with a spoon


----------



## angelpixie

I heard this in the car this morning, and immediately thought of the TAM Singles crowd. 

Finding The Sum Of True Love On The 88th Try : NPR


----------



## 06Daddio08

Adam, the guy from Man vs Food??


----------



## angelpixie

Dolly, I know you adore Adam, but seriously, that picture is so flipping huge that I have to scroll from side to side just to be able to read a whole post.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Dolly, *I know you* adore Adam, but seriously, that picture is *so flipping huge* that I have to scroll from side to side just to be able to read a whole post.


That's what she said.


----------



## Dollystanford

mmm yes I know, I thought about finding a smaller one but...no


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> mmm yes I know, I thought about finding a smaller one but...no



Yes, I know, Up. That's what she said.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> mmm yes I know, I thought about finding a smaller one but...no





angelpixie said:


> That's what she said!


Took the words right out of me mouth!


----------



## Dollystanford

I love a man who loves food
Specifically my food


----------



## lisab0105

jpr must still be having all the sex.


----------



## lisab0105

Speaking of food - drool 

:bounce::smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

jpr will be having sex all night long - you won't be hearing from her tonight

give him one from me love!


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I love a man who loves food
> Specifically my food


A lot of men are like that. I know I am! 
You bring me food and I'll fall in love with you. Especially if it's something sweet. You give me some pie and I'm yours.


----------



## vi_bride04

Snow shoveling Saturday night woo hoo

:sly:

Is jpr the only one having a super sexalicious Saturday ? Lol


----------



## Pictureless

Saturday night. Life is good.


----------



## Another Planet

Hey Vi did you know we are over 50inches of snow now? That is over 2feet more then the average for right now already and we are no where near being done. Next Tuesday is suppose to be at least a couple more inches...I love snow but this is crazy


----------



## vi_bride04

So sick of the snow....I'm getting to be a pro driving in it...but damn. Clear roads at least three days in a row with some sunshine thrown in every now and then would make it more bearable.

From the blowing snow to snow showers to crap storms like today I don't think I've gone the speed limit in a month.


----------



## jpr

lisab0105 said:


> jpr must still be having all the sex.


No. Not yet.




It's coming soon, though.


----------



## Ikaika

lisab0105 said:


> jpr must still be having all the sex.


so this is usually where the few married folks (third wheel on a bicycle), keep our mouths shut tight. 

I hope all you nonetheless have a wonderful Saturday evening


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Been watching food network all morning...now I want pizza for breakfast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been watching HGTV all day! Love it or List it, Property Brothers, House Hunters. I was supposed to go out with a girlfriend tonight, but our roads are icing over, so we are rescheduling! Booo....I am SO SICK of this fvcking winter!


----------



## Nsweet

I'm so sick of "liking" all you people's b!tching.:lol:

Nah, I still like it. Makes me laugh.

:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> I'm so sick of "liking" all you people's b!tching.:lol:
> 
> Nah, I still like it. Makes me laugh.
> 
> :rofl:


Hey, BITE ME!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey, BITE ME!


With pleasure.


----------



## vi_bride04

Well maybe it will be snow shoveling Sunday...

Mmm gouda and wine and a cozy spot on the couch lol


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well maybe it will be snow shoveling Sunday...
> 
> Mmm gouda and wine and a cozy spot on the couch lol


Still.... Snow shoveling is really good exercise when done correctly. 

When I lived in Maine I had to shovel snow all throughout the winter. 4"-8" inches of powder just about every morning for 4 months straight. Sometimes it was deeper... I lost my keys in the snow for a month right by my house. I absolutely hated having to wake up super early to shovel snow, until I started rethinking it. It's not punishment, it's a chance to exercise and undue the damage done over the holidays. 

Isn't that sorta cool?:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

I, too, am SO sick of this winter! It has been way too dang cold!!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I, too, am SO sick of this winter! It has been way too dang cold!!!


I agree wholeheartedly. It's been too cold even for taking my son tobogganing, and one day a few weeks ago it got warm and now there is not even snow just solid ice so if we did go sledding it would be [email protected]


----------



## Ikaika

Ok, I am really keeping my mouth shut. I am so afraid if I mention anything about our local weather many would call for my outright ban


----------



## lisab0105

Dating site brain picking time- 

Those on them of coarse, do you want a site that has every feature known to mankind (instant chats, video, video chat, speed date, winks, gifts, hot or not) or do you prefer really clean profiles, simple features that get the job done? 

I am going back and forth on my layouts. The ones with all the bells and whistles just remind me of something a 20 year old would use. Maybe I am wrong? 

I am thinking I want to get rid of chat features, get rid of winks and gifts. I want people to actually put effort into contacting some one. Winks are lame as hell IMO. 

NSweet suggested a forum and I am putting one in there eventually.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Dating site brain picking time-
> 
> Those on them of coarse, do you want a site that has every feature known to mankind (instant chats, video, video chat, speed date, winks, gifts, hot or not) or do you prefer really clean profiles, simple features that get the job done?
> 
> I am going back and forth on my layouts. The ones with all the bells and whistles just remind me of something a 20 year old would use. Maybe I am wrong?
> 
> I am thinking I want to get rid of chat features, get rid of winks and gifts. I want people to actually put effort into contacting some one. Winks are lame as hell IMO.
> 
> NSweet suggested a forum and I am putting one in there eventually.


See personally, I LIKE winks. A wink lets you know someone is interested without a potential dippy first message. Those other things I think are just overkill, really. To me those things keep too much focus on keeping folks on the site, when people should be focusing on each other and moving on FROM the site. Does that make sense??


----------



## Another Planet

lol










Its a pen15 joke


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> See personally, I LIKE winks. A wink lets you know someone is interested without a potential dippy first message. Those other things I think are just overkill, really. To me those things keep too much focus on keeping folks on the site, when people should be focusing on each other and moving on FROM the site. Does that make sense??


totally makes sense. I'm not interested in having long term members...I want my site to work and in order to do that ya all need to go fall in love and cancel your membership.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Dating site brain picking time-
> 
> Those on them of coarse, do you want a site that has every feature known to mankind *(instant chats, video, video chat, speed date, winks, gifts, hot or not)* or do you prefer really clean profiles, simple features that get the job done?
> 
> I am going back and forth on my layouts. The ones with all the bells and whistles just remind me of something a 20 year old would use. Maybe I am wrong?
> 
> I am thinking I want to get rid of chat features, get rid of winks and gifts. I want people to actually put effort into contacting some one. Winks are lame as hell IMO.
> 
> NSweet suggested a forum and I am putting one in there eventually.


Ok, I've been on a couple different dating sites and the I'm going to tell you like it is.... 

The chat rooms on all these sites were the biggest attractor. People would come in looking to socialize and would stay there for hours. But you need a bunch of different rooms because they usually get dominated by certain "alpha" types pretty easily. You also want to keep the instant message feature, because this is how is people can communicate and date faster. The "Winks" seem like a good idea, but I've known a lot of women who hated them, the "whisper feature" on the chat rooms too. Guys use both of those to creep online. Don't even try to do "hot or not"... You'll lose all but the narcissists with that one. 

Most of stuff is cool, however I need to warn you about the video features. Video chat starts out innocent but it turns into free live porn. I'm talking about people doing this in the open chat room. I've seen this, I've gone private with many sl*ts back in my day, which is perfectly fine. BUT... with a lot of these sites you can click on people's avatars in the chatroom and see them (mostly typing or reading their screen) but I've also caught a bunch of dudes just sitting their jacking off. More males than females. Females do it too! It was always the crazy alcoholic chicks that would jump on cam and start rubbing their p*ssies looking for attention. *Although, a couple of those girls were into cosplay and it was pretty awesome... until they got perma banned.* I saw one in black angel wings, one in a sl*tty panda costume, one who just really loved corsets.:smthumbup:

The only thing I would recommend that's different is instead of reading through a profile and trying to make your choices based on their lies. How about a video interoduction? Give everybody a minute to say hello and a little about themselves, and give people a chance to be themselves. Add a little of the human element to these profiles and let people see you on cam before you have a cam to cam conversation. 




3Xnocharm said:


> See personally, I LIKE winks. A wink lets you know someone is interested without a potential dippy first message. Those other things I think are just overkill, really. To me those things keep too much focus on keeping folks on the site, when people should be focusing on each other and moving on FROM the site. Does that make sense??


But that's the thing. You want people on your site when they're not dating or between dates. You want to give them something to do and someone to talk to about their life and experiences. When it works out it's just like this thread, only there's a lot more people everyday.


----------



## angelpixie

Just got back from another performance that our One Billion Rising dance group did at the big annual fundraiser for our local family planning clinic. The theme of the show is fashion featuring condoms (unlubricated, of course  ). As you can imagine, it's pretty raucous and raunchy. Difficult to just come home to an empty house after that.  But it definitely makes me not want to have to use condoms the next time I have sex. Blech. 'Condom crafts' leave your hands smelling awful all day. Viva la vasectomy!  :rofl:


Oh, and have fun, jpr! You lucky girl, you.


----------



## unsure78

well better this time... not a minute man.. but wasn't great, its not great till im screaming like a porn star,we will get there...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> well better this time... not a minute man.. but wasn't great, *its not great till im screaming like a porn star,we will get there...*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well that's good. At least you have a goal in mind.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Well that's good. At least you have a goal in mind.


hahaahhaa... goals are important nsweet 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Ahhhhhhh....

All is right with the world again.


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> well better this time... not a minute man.. but wasn't great, its not great till im screaming like a porn star,we will get there...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes it's not GREEEAAAT until there are a lot of feelings involved. Hopefully it gets to that point so much Jersey can hear ya...then I'll promptly turn my TV volume up 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Hahaha...Lisa is right. Sometimes the best ones take time.


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## muskrat

lisab0105 said:


> Dating site brain picking time-
> 
> Those on them of coarse, do you want a site that has every feature known to mankind (instant chats, video, video chat, speed date, winks, gifts, hot or not) or do you prefer really clean profiles, simple features that get the job done?
> 
> I am going back and forth on my layouts. The ones with all the bells and whistles just remind me of something a 20 year old would use. Maybe I am wrong?
> 
> I am thinking I want to get rid of chat features, get rid of winks and gifts. I want people to actually put effort into contacting some one. Winks are lame as hell IMO.
> 
> NSweet suggested a forum and I am putting one in there eventually.



I really hope this works out for you!!:smthumbup:
At this point after trying various sites, I would not join a site that does not offer forums. Winks and gifts are a waste for the most part and video chat can get messy like Nsweet said. IMO forums is where it is at. This gives people a chance to interact in a social setting and feel people out. You can observe and see someone's opinion on various subjects and get a feel for their personality. I think this is really important for woman. I always had trouble getting anyone to reply to messages until I started using forums. After a little time in the room, every woman I messaged sent me a reply. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh DUH, I forgot to write that I googled "FRIEND ZONE" and this popped up. Hahaha.


----------



## lisab0105

Happy Superbowl people!!!

My spread for the evening :smthumbup:

BBQ Meatballs, Artichoke spinach dip, German Chocolate Brownies, Jalepeno Poppers with berry sauce, Chicken Taquitos and mango salsa!!!

I'll be working out twice tomorrow, but who cares.


----------



## lisab0105

JB is that YOU on a date?!


----------



## Ikaika

My SB spread: homemade baked corn tortilla chips with homemade healthy salsa. Popcorn seasoned with hemp oil and nutritious yeast seasoning and Hawaiian sea salt. A fresh fruit and fresh veggie plate. The latter with Greek yogurt seasoning. Toward the end, which will be close to dinner here, buffalo burgers (all the healthy fixings) and sweet potato baked fries 

ETA: oh yea, homemade sparkling lemonade


----------



## ne9907

watching the pre bowl show and I never realized just how adorable Phillip Phillips is.
I have always liked his song "gone, gone, gone"

I am enjoying myself


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Happy Superbowl people!!!
> 
> My spread for the evening :smthumbup:
> 
> BBQ Meatballs, Artichoke spinach dip, German Chocolate Brownies, Jalepeno Poppers with berry sauce, Chicken Taquitos and mango salsa!!!
> 
> I'll be working out twice tomorrow, but who cares.


Oh God, you would post pics of brownies... My all time favorite bad-for-you-food while I'm dieting and broke.

Last night I thought really hard about making s'mores, only instead of using graham crackers I would cut a brownie in half while it's hot and add a layer of dark chocolate, toasted marshmallow, and white chocolate before sandwiching them together. I'm sure it would be good with a mashed up Snickers bar too. I don't know what I would call it but it sounds delicious.

All that other stuff you made I'm sure is really good, but right now my mouth is all set for chocolate.:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Started my swing dance classes tonight...

I can't recommend dance lessons enough.

:smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

:slap: #I'msofull, #DenverclearlyboughtstockinHoovertoday, #Ineedtoburn3000caloriestomorrow, #I'mstillfull :slap:


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> :slap: #I'msofull, #DenverclearlyboughtstockinHoovertoday, *#Ineedtoburn3000caloriestomorrow*, #I'mstillfull :slap:


Yeah, I doubt that's going to happen.... EVER! 

#waterweightgain, #you'llloseitinlessthanaweek, #occasioallyovereatingcanhelpyoulosemorefat, 
#you'rebeautifuljustthewayyouareandifyoudon'tstartseeingityourselfI'mgoingtocomeoverthereandIwill makeyoubelieveit!:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Favorite superbowl commercial

Budweiser Super Bowl XLVIII Commercial -- "Puppy Love" - YouTube

Second favorite

Doritos Time Machine - 2014 Super Bowl Commercial - YouTube


----------



## vi_bride04

Made taco dip for the game at my sisters place...so...full....food coma...tired from that and not to mention boring game and commercials. Did not like the one portraying dobermans being the aggressive breed mix of the Audi commercial though.


----------



## angelpixie

#icouldntgiveafvcklessaboutfootball


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> #icouldntgiveafvcklessaboutfootball


I feel the same. However it was a chance to spend time with my two sons while my wife decided it was a good time to shop for groceries for the week. 

So I made a spread of food for my sons. A lot of teenage and middle age testosterone flowing :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

My thoughts on Monday ...


----------



## Jellybeans

Wow. That game was a total massacre! 

I loved the Radio Shack commercial with Twisted Sister and Kid N Play. 

Oh and Pete Carroll is HOT. Maybe I AM going through a Grandpa Phase. LOOOL.


----------



## lisab0105

I love Tim Tebow. His commercial was hilarious and the fact that he went balls to the wall to make fun of himself...makes him even hotter. 

I hope he gets a team that will treat him right in 2014!

Okay, fan girl moment over.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> I love Tim Tebow. His commercial was hilarious and the fact that he went balls to the wall to make fun of himself...makes him even hotter.
> 
> I hope he gets a team that will treat him right in 2014!
> 
> Okay, fan girl moment over.


I enjoyed that too, I thought it was great that he was able to do that! :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well, I've been made aware of 2 more socials happening. One is a week before the original I planned on attending and another a week after. Plus the other one in May, looks like I'm going to be on the dance floor quite a bit!


----------



## Jellybeans

Get it, Daddio!

You're going to be like Bruno Mars during the half-time show (which by the way, he was so awesome!)










I also agree with you ladies who said it was cool that Tebow poked fun at himself. Made me like him more.


----------



## lisab0105

I was thinking he was gonna be more like this


----------



## lisab0105

Than maybe a little of this when it's over


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I was thinking he was gonna be more like this


You continue to impress me. 

+1


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Get it, Daddio!
> 
> You're going to be like Bruno Mars during the half-time show.


I'm more of a "white guy looking like a fish out of water" but with a little liquid persuasion, and a few friends I duncare.


----------



## vi_bride04

You have an Xbox - get the kinect and Dance Central. It will at least help you with finding some rhythm. And its a great cardio workout


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Than maybe a little of this when it's over


I save that one for private shows.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> You have an Xbox - get the kinect and Dance Central. It will at least help you with finding some rhythm. And its a great cardio workout


Okay well I have rhythm and I can do a decent Shakira impersonation. Plus, Xbox if for shooting fools in the face. Not dancing!


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm more of a "white guy looking like a fish out of water" but with a little liquid persuasion, and a few friends I duncare.


Then may the force of Bruno be with you! I believe in you!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well today started out pretty doom and gloom for me but with the fun on here and a few random compliments from people at work, it's getting better.

Had a guy find me and ask me about my weight loss, heard through the grapevine and I showed my (as I call it) "fat pictures".

I'm being given reasons to cheer up and its working.


----------



## Jellybeans

Plus all the flirty banter with Lisab helps.

Ooh la la.

Aw man. I wish I had a little travel machine I could hook you guys up with! Haha


----------



## 06Daddio08

Omg, the Filipino ladies in the cafeteria just offered me a great fruit salad and amazing cake.

All that's left is to check the lotto ticket I bought on Saturday!


----------



## Pbartender

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm more of a "white guy looking like a fish out of water" but with a little liquid persuasion, and a few friends I duncare.





Pbartender said:


> I can't recommend dance lessons enough.
> 
> :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

anyone having anything fun and interesting going on?

I am not having a good week ( no im not going to talk about it and no it has nothing to to with men)

I could use some good entertainment..

In order to distract myself i think im going to buy myself a sexy school girl outfit, SA seems to enjoy that "look"


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> anyone having anything fun and interesting going on?


I mentioned before that I just started taking swing dance lessons yesterday.

Tonight, my community chorus starts practicing for our spring concert season. It's going to be all show tunes... Songs from _Oklahoma_, _Phantom of the Opera_, _Les Miserables_, etc.

And this morning, I got an invitation to go see a Star Wars parody burlesque show in a couple weeks.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> In order to distract myself i think im going to buy myself a sexy school girl outfit, SA seems to enjoy that "look"


Knee high socks, skirt and pigtails ... yet to see it in the flesh but I plan on it!


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> I mentioned before that I just started taking swing dance lessons yesterday.
> 
> Tonight, my community chorus starts practicing for our spring concert season. It's going to be all show tunes... Songs from _Oklahoma_, _Phantom of the Opera_, _Les Miserables_, etc.
> 
> And this morning, I got an invitation to go see a Star Wars parody burlesque show in a couple weeks.


Dance not my thing... but the choir thing is cool

the star wars burlesque parody sounds fun!


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Knee high socks, skirt and pigtails ... yet to see it in the flesh but I plan on it!


Yea im a good one for that fun type of stuff.. im not self conscious so i am generally more than happy too indulge a few fantasies if i like a guy


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> I mentioned before that I just started taking swing dance lessons yesterday.
> 
> Tonight, my community chorus starts practicing for our spring concert season. It's going to be all show tunes... Songs from _Oklahoma_, _Phantom of the Opera_, _Les Miserables_, etc.
> *
> And this morning, I got an invitation to go see a Star Wars parody burlesque show in a couple weeks*.


Blasphemy!!


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> anyone having anything fun and interesting going on?


Hmmm not really. Got a Meetup group outing on Thursday and thats about it. Going to focus on my food menu and exercise routine this week. 

Decided to just delete my POF profile and of course cut it with parole hat. I'm just not impressed with the online dating thing and still feel I'm not really in a place to try to force myself to be emotionally available for someone when I know deep down I'm not ready.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmm not really. Got a Meetup group outing on Thursday and thats about it. Going to focus on my food menu and exercise routine this week.
> 
> Decided to just delete my POF profile and of course cut it with parole hat. I'm just not impressed with the online dating thing and still feel I'm not really in a place to try to force myself to be emotionally available for someone when I know deep down I'm not ready.


Im glad you decided to cut it off with parole... i think its a wise decision


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Plus all the flirty banter with Lisab helps.
> 
> Ooh la la.
> 
> Aw man. I wish I had a little travel machine I could hook you guys up with! Haha


Cannot deny, it's been a pleasure.


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi - how did parole take it?


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> anyone having anything fun and interesting going on?


My dance group is continuing rehearsals this week, and our first flash mob is scheduled for Friday night, when our town has its monthly First Friday art walk. Of course winter arrived today, and it should be below zero with horrific windchills by then. Yay. 

Our big day is the 14th, when we'll be having a big noontime dance mob here on campus and then a performance after The Vagina Monologues that night. I have DS, so I won't be going to the evening one.  That's also my one-year Divorciversary!! :smthumbup:

Last night, I was invited to a late Valentine's Day costume party (on the 15th) that's actually a surprise birthday party for the brother of one of my friends. She throws awesome parties, so I'm really excited to go. It's the same night as a contra, and I may have already signed up to volunteer part of the night. I might have to go back and forth, because I don't want to miss the party. The theme is 'song titles,' so I have roughly two weeks to come up with a costume. Believe it or not, I've never actually been to a costume party before, so I'm really looking forward to it.  I wonder if I can find something that can recycle all of those dozens of rainbow colored condoms I have leftover from the dance performance this past weekend...that I can easily put on and take off as I'm going from the party to contra and then back to the party...  


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> I wonder if I can find something that can recycle all of those dozens of rainbow colored condoms I have leftover from the dance performance this past weekend...


:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Vi - how did parole take it?


Haven't told him yet. And it doesn't really matter how he takes it, I don't care. Its over for the best interest of me. His reaction is no concern of mine.


----------



## Jellybeans

My #1 TAM reader is back and calling names. Again. To me and Dedicated2Her. SHEESH.



Mo42 said:


> Interesting. Im sure there is a post count somewhere and yours is likely 10x mine, and that is an indication of how much time each of us spend on here looking for validation.
> 
> *As for Jelly, well, like I inferred**, I am not on here often at all, but you stand out as a self-proclaimed victim. Hard not to notice. *
> 
> And deadicated, *that was a poor excuse for hypocricy coming from someone so wise and righteous*.


He's back!

Once again, trying to stir things up.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> My #1 TAM reader is back and calling names. Again. To me and Dedicated2Her. SHEESH.
> 
> 
> 
> He's back!
> 
> Once again, trying to stir things up.


Did you report him to a mod??


----------



## vi_bride04

I almost responded as the whole victim thing is jaw dropping to me. I have never gotten any "victim speak" out of ANY of your posts.

Then I realized it was your stalker so decided not to feed the troll.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Did you report him to a mod??


Agreed, just report him JB, otherwise if you don't it means he is right and you are enjoying being his victim


----------



## angelpixie

Hahaha, Lon!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> My #1 TAM reader is back and calling names. Again. To me and Dedicated2Her. SHEESH.
> 
> 
> 
> He's back!
> 
> Once again, trying to stir things up.


No need to worry, a mod did take notice. Seem Mo42 has been banned.


----------



## vi_bride04

monotonous MONDAY!!! Yeah

:sly:


----------



## jpr

Mmmmmm....Monday.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> monotonous MONDAY!!! Yeah
> 
> :sly:


Haven't you heard? They made a cure for boring, normal, sane, socially acceptable Mondays. 









:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Pink? Nice to see he supports breast cancer research.


----------



## Nsweet

Maybe. He looks more like a homosexual paleo dieter that has lost his mind.

It's Gayleo.:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

*Scroll down 
S-L-O-W-L-Y!*















Wait 10 seconds before you go past Barbie's knees. 






















I laughed so hard when I saw this. The macabre humor in me just saw this as so f*cked up, but so funny. I could not for the life of me think of a joke. 

So anybody sees this and has a funny one liner please say it.

*It's like the Investigation Discovery children's playset for 'Wives with Knives'.*:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

OK, what am I missing here?


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> OK, what am I missing here?


Did the pic not show up? 

Let me know. It will be an easy fix.


----------



## angelpixie

Nope. No picture


----------



## Nsweet

Check again.


----------



## angelpixie

Yikes!  Macabre is right! And as far as one-liners go...I got nothin'. And now, I need to try to sleep.


----------



## RandomDude

So much for FWB, she started having feelings, bye bye...

*sigh*

Goods finished, back to the market!


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> So much for FWB, she started having feelings, bye bye...
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> Goods finished, back to the market!


I hope you weren't as nonchalant playboy with her as you are in this post, RD. Very few women can do FB and not have feelings. As if someone caring about you would be such a bad thing. Wtf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Did you report him to a mod??





vi_bride04 said:


> I almost responded as the whole victim thing is jaw dropping to me. I have never gotten any "victim speak" out of ANY of your posts.
> 
> *Then I realized it was your stalker so decided not to feed the troll*.





Lon said:


> Agreed, just report him JB, otherwise if you don't it means he is right and you are enjoying being his victim


Lol, Lon. One of the mods banned my post-stalker. He was banned previously, too. I think it was a troll.

And yes that entire victim speak thing was interesting to read. I have never thought my posts come across that way. Thanks, Vi. LOL.



RandomDude said:


> So much for FWB, she started having feelings, bye bye...


Most people can't do just FWB. Almost always, one person will catch feelings and it cannot be JUST "friends" with benefits. Nature of the beast with those things. It's more rare to find a FWB that actually works than not. My advice is that if you haven't, tell the ladies up front that that is all you are looking for.



lisab0105 said:


> I hope you weren't as nonchalant playboy with her as you are in this post, RD. Very few women can do FB and not have feelings. As if someone caring about you would be such a bad thing. Wtf.


Yeah but that's the entire point of FWB... no feelings, just pleasure.  I wish there were a study done on how many FWBs were successful in that nobody got sweet on the other person.


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> I hope you weren't as nonchalant playboy with her as you are in this post, RD. Very few women can do FB and not have feelings. As if someone caring about you would be such a bad thing. Wtf.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I dunno, in the past it worked out.

Besides my charm/confidence intimidates alot of women hence they are naturally guarded towards me which makes me FWB and non-LTR material.



Jellybeans said:


> Most people can't do just FWB. Almost always, one person will catch feelings and it cannot be JUST "friends" with benefits. Nature of the beast with those things. It's more rare to find a FWB that actually works than not. *My advice is that if you haven't, tell the ladies up front that that is all you are looking for.*
> Yeah but that's the entire point of FWB... no feelings, just pleasure.  I wish there were a study done on how many FWBs were successful in that nobody got sweet on the other person.


I did =/ 
I always do, you know me - I advocated for upfront honesty in casual sex in previous threads remember?

She was content at first but yes, sh-t happens... oh well, will have to try again on the next girl


----------



## 06Daddio08

Valentine's Day slowly approaches, didn't even notice this year. Lol.

I think I'm going to start a new tradition and buy my D7 flowers. Which reminds me, I have to bake cookies for school. Gives us something to do when they get back. Sweet.


----------



## vi_bride04

Who here celebrated Valentine's day after high school? Lol


----------



## RandomDude

Gosh you just reminded me... hell I hate V-day, maybe I'll wait till past V-day to find another FWB, next thing I know I'll pick up and V-day happens then oh no! Feelings again! Bah!


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Valentine's Day slowly approaches, didn't even notice this year. Lol.
> 
> I think I'm going to start a new tradition and buy my D7 flowers. Which reminds me, I have to bake cookies for school. Gives us something to do when they get back. Sweet.


Nice one D , l made my Daughter my valentine last yr , she absolutely loved it.
Although at the ripe old age of 12 1/2 now she has boy interests this yr so it's probably not gonna be a good idea l guess , maybe even embarrassing


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I did =/
> I always do, you know me - I advocated for upfront honesty in casual sex in previous threads remember?


That's why I said "if you haven't." That is good you are telling them right off the bat what you are looking for (and not looking for). It doesn't mean someone won't catch feelings for you, but at least you were honest with them from the beginning. I call it the George Clooney approach. LOL


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Nice one D , l made my Daughter my valentine last yr , she absolutely loved it.
> Although at the ripe old age of 12 1/2 now she has boy interests this yr so it's probably not gonna be a good idea l guess , maybe even embarrassing


You made your daughter your Valentine? Haha, I can see her being a little weirded out by that. 

No "be my Valentine" shenanigans from me, just want to do something nice for her. The 15th I'm taking the kids to see monster trucks! D7 gets flowers, S5 gets to see carnage!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> That's why I said "if you haven't." That is good you are telling them right off the bat what you are looking for (and not looking for). It doesn't mean someone won't catch feelings for you, but at least you were honest with them from the beginning. I call it the George Clooney approach. LOL


Lol yeah

I do have a certain style/approach which allows me to get away with it I guess 

Personally I don't see why others have such difficulty


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Lol yeah
> I do have a certain style/approach which allows me to get away with it I guess


It's not about "style" or "getting away" with it. IT's about whether someone agrees to it or not. Simple as that. It could be some of the women want exactly what you want; or some that think eventually you'll fall for them. Who knows. But ultimately, it's a choice being made on both parts. If they were not for it, they wouldn't do it.




RandomDude said:


> Personally I don't see why others have such difficulty


Because not everyone is built the same. Some people CAN do FWB and others cannot at all. Some fall within the middle depending on the circumstances. We are not all cut from the same cloth and that is what makes lie so lovely and interesting.

I had a FWB in college. We have the loveliest arrangement. It was very evolved and we had an understanding. No feelings, just loving making out together. It was perfect. With that said, I could not have one now probably.


----------



## lisab0105

FWB went out of style past the age of 30 IMO. That crap is for the birds.


----------



## Jellybeans

A lot of people over 30 do the FWBs. Has been around forever and will probably be til the end of time. Some folks prefer no-strings. I personally can't really do that but I figure, if someone else is into it and they're honest about it with the person they are doing it with and they're on the same page, then that is their thing. Live and let live. The key is to not have feelings involved. Lol. Feelings are the antithesis to FWB.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> FWB went out of style past the age of 30 IMO. That crap is for the birds.


FWB makes so much more sense to me only after my divorce.

There are many times i could have used a FB but women don't see me that way and there are plenty other willing guys out there that women do see that way. Women that have been attracted to me only ever see me as "the one" which means for me finding a FB (that i was physically attracted to enough) would have been like winning the lottery. I realized that FWB would only be a losing proposition for me so i smartened up and pursued someone i wanted for more than NSA.


----------



## Dollystanford

I did FWB once. Never again - it's ONS or love me forever


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> FWB makes so much more sense to me only after my divorce.
> 
> Women that have been attracted to me only ever see me as "the one" which means for me finding a FB (that i was physically attracted to enough) would have been like winning the lottery.


:rofl:

I WISH I had a lover. But alas, as it stands now, I am still un-laid.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> I did FWB once. Never again - *it's ONS or love me forever*


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

FWB is how I ended up in a 3 yr relationship lol

I like dollys approach


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> You made your daughter your Valentine? Haha, I can see her being a little weirded out by that.
> 
> No "be my Valentine" shenanigans from me, just want to do something nice for her. The 15th I'm taking the kids to see monster trucks! D7 gets flowers, S5 gets to see carnage!



Na she wasn't she was really stoked but l didn't really make her my valentine as such l put that wrong, l just gave her some flowers that's all.
Even flowers would be way uncool this year though .


----------



## Nsweet

I didn't even think about Valentine's Day this year..... But I probably should. 

It's been long enough that I'm over my ex wife and the Navy life I left behind. I bet I could find a Valentine's day ONS or at least some lonely girl to talk to for a while. Beggers can't be choosers, right? We can either give this a shot and spend a couple hours talking, or go home and both be lonely.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> I didn't even think about Valentine's Day this year..... But I probably should.


Why??? LOL

I remember going out ONCE on V-Day. While it was a nice restaurant, it was crowded, loud, service was horrible, and still had to wait almost an hour with reservations. 

Its just not worth the "hype".


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Why??? LOL
> 
> I remember going out ONCE on V-Day. While it was a nice restaurant, it was crowded, loud, service was horrible, and still had to wait almost an hour with reservations.
> 
> Its just not worth the "hype".


Lol, a restaurant? I don't have any money. Besides I wasn't even talking about any of the hyped up places.

There's 1.24 million people in Dallas, Texas. Finding women here is as easy as walking out of my apartment and walking 50 yards in any direction. There's a highway on one side, a busy street on the other, and like 6 different strip malls. I could probably throw a rock and hit a single woman in her 20s or 30s.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You'll never see me stressing, trying to find a reservation for a crowded restaurant for Valentine's Day. I don't mind getting something thoughtful but if a price tag is the main attraction...

The door is that way.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Lol, a restaurant? I don't have any money. Besides I wasn't even talking about any of the hyped up places.
> 
> There's 1.24 million people in Dallas, Texas. Finding women here is as easy as walking out of my apartment and walking 50 yards in any direction. There's a highway on one side, a busy street on the other, and like 6 different strip malls. I could probably throw a rock and hit a single woman in her 20s or 30s.


oh how romantic nsweet...swoon..... yea not so much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> There's 1.24 million people in Dallas, Texas. Finding women here is as easy as walking out of my apartment and walking 50 yards in any direction. There's a highway on one side, a busy street on the other, and like 6 different strip malls. I could probably throw a rock and hit a single woman in her 20s or 30s.


Yet here you are, on TAM ... night after night. 

Xoxo.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> You'll never see me stressing, trying to find a reservation for a crowded restaurant for Valentine's Day. I don't mind getting something thoughtful but if a price tag is the main attraction...
> 
> The door is that way.


LOL we were already married at that point and he is the one that wanted to splurge. I have never been big on V-day or the need to celebrate it.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> oh how romantic nsweet...swoon..... yea not so much
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's how Middle Eastern men do it.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> That's how Middle Eastern men do it.


but you live in texas not the middle east
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Yet here you are, on TAM ... night after night.
> 
> Xoxo.


Could be worse. I could be you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Could be worse. I could be you.


Sh!t, I'm female and I want to be Up! He rocks!!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> but you live in texas not the middle east
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm glad for that too. All joking aside, women here in the South are so much nicer than women from other parts of the united states.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I'm glad for that too. All joking aside, women here in the South are so much nicer than women from other parts of the united states.


lol... boooo im super nice and im not from the south 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> lol... boooo im super nice and im not from the south
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sweetheart, you don't have enough on ass to be from the south.


----------



## Dollystanford

vi_bride04 said:


> Sh!t, I'm female and I want to be Up! He rocks!!


Much as I love Up he doesn't get enough sex. I want to be jpr


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Much as I love Up he doesn't get enough sex. I want to be jpr


I can tell that you like me, you graciously used the word "enough" instead of "any".


----------



## Dollystanford

I was being diplomatic sweetheart


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Sweetheart, you don't have enough on ass to be from the south.


have we not been though this discussion already like 5 times?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Could be worse. I could be you.


The feeling is mutual. I wake up going "at least I'm not Nsweet" then begin my day.


----------



## jpr

I do get a lot of sex.

....lots and lots.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> The feeling is mutual. I wake up going "at least I'm not Nsweet" then begin my day.


You wouldn't know what to do with my youth, my looks, my brains, my height, or my big ass penis. Everyday I wake up and I'm like "man I love this body".


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> You wouldn't know what to do with my youth, my looks, my brains, my height, or my big ass penis. Everyday I wake up and I'm like "man I love this body".


dude Up is only a few years older than you...lol...xoxo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> dude Up is only a few years older than you...lol...xoxo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, but I look a lot younger than my age.

My name is Dorian Grey and I sold my soul to Satan to preserve my youth as it was depicted on a portrait and live a life of depravity. Only every time I sin the portrait gets uglier and ages much faster.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I do get a lot of sex.
> 
> ....lots and lots.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> You wouldn't know what to do with my youth, my looks, my brains, my height, or my big ass penis. Everyday I wake up and I'm like "man I love this body".


My average guessed age is 25.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> My average guessed age is 25.


Nope.


----------



## Dollystanford

Well NSweet and Up, I think I've worked out a solution to your 'no sex' problem


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Well NSweet and Up, I think I've worked out a solution to your 'no sex' problem


I'm the giver!

*called it*


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Well NSweet and Up, I think I've worked out a solution to your 'no sex' problem


Dolly, that is so sweet of you to offer but I'm not interested. I think we should just stay friends.

Yeah I know what you meant. Burn on your intended joke that Up and I should perform homosexual acts.


----------



## unsure78

hahahahahahahahahahaah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Nope.


Since I started talking to more people at work, I haven't had an age guessed above 26. Many didn't believe I had a 7 year old.


----------



## vi_bride04

OOOOOO! Getting interesting in here


----------



## Dollystanford

Pish posh lighten up (and email me the video)


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm the giver!
> 
> *called it*


You're gonna have to wrestle me for it. 

When I win, don't expect a reach around.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Pish posh lighten up (and email me the video)


I will after I'm done filming it


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Dolly, that is so sweet of you to offer but I'm not interested. I think we should just stay friends.
> 
> Yeah I know what you meant. Burn on your intended joke that Up and I should perform homosexual acts.


Wanna play a game?


It's called "Just The Tip".


----------



## unsure78

hahahahhaah

that made me cry Up 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Wanna play a game?
> 
> 
> It's called "Just The Tip".


That game is a LIE!


----------



## Nsweet

50 Shades of Gay.


----------



## jpr

How about "Hide the Salami"?

....from what I hear, Nsweets is pretty hard to hide.


...if you are willing to take his word for it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> You're gonna have to wrestle me for it.
> 
> When I win, don't expect a reach around.


Best 2 out of 3 in wrestling and I'll tack on the highest combined squat, bench, deadlift and barbell curl.

If we're going to do this, let's get manly in here.

I warn you (this is for your benefit, to prepare yourself ahead of time); I'm pretty humble and quiet most of the time. But I'm a beast.

PS. I like a little twist of the wrist at the top.


----------



## Nsweet

​


06Daddio08 said:


> Wanna play a game?
> 
> 
> It's called "Just The Tip".


I got a better game in mind. It's called "Don't drop the soap". From the makers "Guess where this golfball is going.":rofl:


----------



## jpr

Oh my.

You boys need to get laid.


It is starting to resemble a state penitentiary in here.


----------



## angelpixie

*Welcome to*


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Oh my.
> 
> You boys need to get laid.
> 
> 
> It is starting to resemble a state penitentiary in here.


I'm getting my elbow spider webs tattooed right now.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> How about "Hide the Salami"?
> 
> ....from what I hear, Nsweets is pretty hard to hide.
> 
> 
> ...if you are willing to take his word for it.


I have pics on another site.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Best 2 out of 3 in wrestling and I'll tack on the highest combined squat, bench, deadlift and barbell curl.
> 
> If we're going to do this, let's get manly in here.
> 
> I warn you (this is for your benefit, to prepare yourself ahead of time); I'm pretty humble and quiet most of the time. But I'm a beast.
> 
> PS. I like a little twist of the wrist at the top.


Blah blah blah. We both know you want to do this. Now shut up, bend over, and relax all your muscles. Sh!ts about to get real in hear.

How's your rufi shake tasting?


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> Sh!ts about to get real in hear.


Funny you should put it that way...

Just make sure you guys clean up when you're done.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm getting my elbow spider webs tattooed right now.


So you run crystal meth?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> How's your rufi shake tasting?


I'm sure you tell that to all the guys, you get that surprised cheek pucker, eh?.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> So you run crystal meth?


i thought it meant you killed someone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> i thought it meant you killed someone?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought each row showed how long you've been in the slammer. This will show me to not Google something before I say it! *shakes fist*


----------



## 06Daddio08

Where's Lisa ... I have some redeeming to do!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> i thought it meant you killed someone?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


On the inside of your elbow it means you are addicted to or selling crystal meth. On the outside it means you have killed a minority for Aryan gangs in prison (50s-60s). The meaning has been kinda watered down since then with all the punk rockers sporting it. But it's original intended purpose was to show that you were somehow caught up in the system. 

You want to talk about tattoos? I know a lot of the meanings for the ones you see in prisons and gangs. For instance barbed wore for men and stars for women. Every year you do in prison you either add another barb or a star, usually displayed prowdly on the neck or arms.


----------



## unsure78

in checking with my current source of that sort of knowledge... ill let you know what he says
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Just remember... 

Hot peppers and prunes will keep him from coming back for seconds.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> On the inside of your elbow it means you are addicted to or selling crystal meth. On the outside it means you have killed a minority for Aryan gangs in prison (50s-60s). The meaning has been kinda watered down since then with all the punk rockers sporting it. But it's original intended purpose was to show that you were somehow caught up in the system.
> 
> You want to talk about tattoos? I know a lot of the meanings for the ones you see in prisons and gangs. For instance barbed wore for men and stars for women. Every year you do in prison you either add another barb or a star, usually displayed prowdly on the neck or arms.


i have no tats nsweet... my only knowledge has come from the few LE who i have dated and told me the meanings
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> Just remember...
> 
> Hot peppers and prunes will keep him from coming back for seconds.


hahahahahaha I spit out my dinner laughing at this


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I thought each row showed how long you've been in the slammer. This will show me to not Google something before I say it! *shakes fist*


No, it just means you're caught up in the system. A 8 ball means you're living in hard times. In American prison system re and stars are popular for showing time. Tear drops were originally used to forever shame the victims of anal rape, as the tears they couldn't cry. Snakes and skulls represent positions in Aryan and motorcycle gangs, before they self cannibalizing and involved in hard drugs. 

A lot of these tattoos have changed and recent crack downs have made them harder to get, so they're usually more simple in design. Some of them have changed greatly in the past 20 years, but the areas in which you tattoo yourself still have the same meanings.


----------



## unsure78

really i was pretty sure a tear drop meant you killed someone in prison... i believe the LE who told me that one worked as a prison guard early in his career... maybe im not remembering correctly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> i have no tats nsweet... my only knowledge has come from the few LE who i have dated and told me the meanings
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know my tat history. Real prison tats are made with a combination or pen ink and human urine... to keep them lasting longer.

There are several different meanings to the same pieces of art in different parts of the country, but there are some unique ones too. The Playboy bunny used as a gang tat, predatory animals, I've seen molecular structures for drugs, marijuana leaves are self explanatory. 

A lot of guys just get them because they look cool. But on a psychological stand point you have to read them as a whole and look for congruences in their character. The only dangerous ones you need to worry about seem to be the more satanic looking ones or tattoos depicting violent acts.


----------



## Pbartender

The truth is, all the different tattoos in different locations mean different things to different people from different groups in different places.

Depending on where you are and who you're talking to, you guys are all correct.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> The truth is, all the different tattoos in different locations mean different things to different people from different groups in different places.
> 
> Depending on where you are and who you're talking to, you guys are all correct.


true that Pb
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> really i was pretty sure a tear drop meant you killed someone in prison... i believe the LE who told me that one worked as a prison guard early in his career... maybe im not remembering correctly
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've heard that too. They say gangs outside adopted that and sorta phased out the rape thing. But that whole prison rape thing is a myth as well. Most sex that happens in prison is consensual and usually made as a payment for some debt... Most often involving drugs. You don't want to go into prison addicted to anything.


----------



## Pbartender

If I ever finally decide to get myself a tattoo, this is going to be the first one I get...










Right across the middle of my chest, I think.


----------



## unsure78

the only tat ill ever get, if i get one, is my kids name... dont know where though
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Pbartender said:


> The truth is, all the different tattoos in different locations mean different things to different people from different groups in different places.
> 
> Depending on where you are and who you're talking to, you guys are all correct.


Except for the guy who gets the "Tribal" rando tattoo because it "looks cool".

No exceptions for that guy. None whatsoever.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Except for the guy who gets the "Tribal" rando tattoo because it "looks cool".
> 
> No exceptions for that guy. None whatsoever.


OMG!!! Thats all my ex wanted to get when he was talking about getting a tattoo....

*biggest eye roll ever*


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> the only tat ill ever get, if i get one, is my kids name... dont know where though
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get it as a vag tat above your bush. That way no man who ever sees your p*ssy will disrespect your son and not be reminded that he came first.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG!!! Thats all my ex wanted to get when he was talking about getting a tattoo....
> 
> *biggest eye roll ever*


That's still not as bad as the guys who tattoo rulers or huge 3D dongs on their inner thigh next to their penis. 

You get a tribal art tattoo after 1997 and you're just an idiot, but you may get laid. You tattoo something silly or stupid near your penis and it's almost a guarantee women will laugh you out of sex.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> Get it as a vag tat above your bush. That way no man who ever sees your p*ssy will disrespect your son and not be reminded that he came first.


You have quite the unique mind.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> That's still not as bad as the guys who tattoo rulers or huge 3D dongs on their inner thigh next to their penis.
> 
> You get a tribal art tattoo after 1997 and you're just an idiot, but you may get laid. You tattoo something silly or stupid near your penis and it's almost a guarantee women will laugh you out of sex.


Hey now, I got a tribal tat in 1998....LOL


----------



## muskrat

I have 2 tats and plan on getting a few more. Mine have no hidden meaning that I know of. But now I am wondering.:scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> You have quite the unique mind.


That's nothing. I think it would be hilarious if a woman tattood instruction for cunnilingus right above her p*ssy.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hey now, I got a tribal tat in 1998....LOL


That's OK. 1999 is the cutoff for tribal tats. And I'm betting you didn't get a huge design.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> You get a tribal art tattoo after 1997 and you're just an idiot, but you may get laid.


They're almost as bad as the Japanese kanji tattoos.

I'd love to see a tattoo of Japanese kanjis that translate as, "You are a stupid gaijin, who doesn't understand what this says."


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Get it as a vag tat above your bush. That way no man who ever sees your p*ssy will disrespect your son and not be reminded that he came first.


Something about the way you worded that second sentence is just...wrong...considering the context. :nono::slap:


----------



## 06Daddio08

muskrat said:


> I have 2 tats and plan on getting a few more. Mine have no hidden meaning that I know of. But now I am wondering.:scratchhead:


Haha. If they have a personal meaning to you that's all that matters. But my comment about the "Dude, it looked cool" tattoo still stands! 

I have 3; inner forearm wrist to elbow, right inner wrist and right shoulder. All have meanings and I cannot wait until I can get more. This guy wants sleeves


----------



## 3Xnocharm

The quiet nerdy girl in the sweater here has 3.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> The quiet nerdy girl in the sweater here has 3.


That's so nerdcore.


----------



## muskrat

The 2 I got I thought fit me. The next one will be 2 hearts down my right bicep. My daughters name the first and my sons in the second.


----------



## muskrat

This one is on the underside of my right forearm.















Sorry, for some reason the pic is upside down.


----------



## RandomDude

Getting stood up by a client wtf ppl suck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

What's up you freaks & geeks? Weird convo's this evening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

let's talk about something less weird then! like, dating! so how's everyone's love life going?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> let's talk about something less weird then! like, dating! so how's everyone's love life going?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Non existent which is fine with me


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> How is the business going lisab0105?
> 
> I think a business that would provide couples seeking marriage with a psych eval to screen for likelihood of PD would make big bucks. Alas, then all of the people screened out with PD would keep suing you with frivolous and malicious lawsuits. Thoughts?
> 
> In addition to the psych eval, the service could offer a background check (a REAL one) as well as legal services to device a marital lease to be renewed 7 years post date of "marriage" which can be renewed or declined.


Would it make a difference if every profile was screened by a psychologist for PDs? Less chance of lawsuits if everyone nobody knows this is happening. 

And I know I for one would pay a little extra undergo background searches if it meant I could join a really good dating site.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> What's up you freaks & geeks? Weird convo's this evening.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Random weirdness because it always makes me laugh:

The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger (original narration by Randall) - YouTube


----------



## RandomDude

So I got stood up, waited and... no deal, wasted my time -.- what a prick! Fk it, not doing business with that client no more.

Doing business is like dating, which makes me wonder if I should date non-exclusively from now on at least for 3 months so I won't be so disappointed when I put all my eggs on one basket one at a time.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> So I got stood up, waited and... no deal, wasted my time -.- what a prick! Fk it, not doing business with that client no more.
> 
> Doing business is like dating, which makes me wonder if I should date non-exclusively from now on at least for 3 months so I won't be so disappointed when I put all my eggs on one basket one at a time.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rvoq6DohUM
The setup starts at 1:40


----------



## Dollystanford

Tattoos give me the horn


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> Dilbert 02x07 The Merger sub ita 2/3 - YouTube
> The setup starts at 1:40


OMFG LOLOLOLOL :rofl:

"Take me, dear god, merge with me now" wtf lol
"You were needy, remember bait... THEN switch"

"Can't we just be strategic partners"
"Well, aren't you a mysterious one, I bet you're an internet company arent you?"
"Maybe... maybe not"
"You little corporate tease... I want to merge with you, right now!"
"I never swap stock at first meeting"

:rofl:
Thanks for sharing mate, that was fking hilarious


----------



## Nsweet

Yes I did. I liked what you had to say about dating sites and I think you made a very good argument about screening for PDs.

I hope you don't mind, I quoted your post in order to respond to a few things in *bold.*



2galsmom said:


> You caught my post! LOL. I deleted it, why? I will tell you. I have had a GREAT four days. Bi-polar you ask?
> *There's nothing wrong with being bipolar. I'm Bipolar 3 myself.*
> 
> No. I answer.
> 
> It is because I realize I have been conditioned to expect the axe to fall - the punishment is due in the cycle of violence it always comes after a period of rest and happiness. But guess what HE IS GONE!:smthumbup:
> *Congratulations on coming out of the fog.*:smthumbup:
> 
> 
> I thought someone would report my post for sure and say HORRIBLE 2 GALSMOM! SHAME ON YOU FOR NOT WANTING TO HAVE A NARCISSIST AS A HUSBAND. YOU WILL BE BANNED! WHY DO YOU SAY ALL NARCISSISTS ARE NOT GOOD FOR BEING HUSBANDS? How can you say that? Trying to hurt us? The majority are good, loving husbands!
> *No, that's something you only hear from the top part of TAM. There are a lot of politically correct trolls who just love to shame your opinions. Down here, we know exactly what you're talking about and can can all agree.
> 
> And I've seen it myself when I talked about my BPD waif of an ex wife in a Men's Clubhouse discussion. Even when I tried to be as sensitive as possible when I outlined some PD traits... I got that one person who was just diagnosed and thought they were some how elected to speak for everybody with a PD. It's like "I don't know you, and unless you identify yourself with that PD, why do you care?"
> 
> There are a few members of TAM I know who do have PDs and work really hard on them in their relationships. Good people. And if you know them they would still tell you that your comment was fine. So long as you're not attacking people on a personal level, it's fine. *
> 
> *Sigh*
> 
> I was actually making a joke because high conflict personalities are known for being litigious. I was taken to court for making a rent payment for the abode of my children. I care not for litigious personalities.
> *And that's something dangerous people with PDs do. They try to use the court system to "win" and punish you.*
> 
> I know that it is not easy to screen for everything and people can pass lie detectors yada yada yada BUT there are professionals like the one that worked in EnjoliWoman's case. Even I too see things clearly to which once I was somehow blind. I have/had two challenging clients, one I endure because they are simply challenging, no one is perfect and one WAS a HIGH CONFLICT personality - adios.
> *Shockingly enough, people with PDs are more likely to become nurses and school teachers because of their love to help other. They really succeed too.... So long as they can feel needed. After all PDs are a set of coping tools to protect the ego. So long as they can avoid feeling abandoned or any triggers of childhood abuse, they can do perfectly fine in their jobs.
> 
> I've written a lot about red flags on here in the past. They are all signs high conflict people display before you're in to deep and taking their abuse. And a lot of these come through in dating profiles very clearly... if you know what to look for. I can read these in just about any profile. TV too. I love watching some of these dating shows because I always know who the crazy ones are. *
> 
> So there you go Lisab! My idea for a business.
> 
> And now, I laugh my way to bed, good night singles . . .


Night.


----------



## Morgiana

Nsweet said:


> I'm glad for that too. All joking aside, women here in the South are so much nicer than women from other parts of the united states.


Well bless your heart.


----------



## Pbartender

Morgiana said:


> Well bless your heart.


This just goes to show that women from the South aren't _nicer_ than women from other parts of the United States... they're just _more polite_ about being not nice.


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## lisab0105

2galsmom said:


> You caught my post! LOL. I deleted it, why? I will tell you. I have had a GREAT four days. Bi-polar you ask?
> 
> No. I answer.
> 
> It is because I realize I have been conditioned to expect the axe to fall - the punishment is due in the cycle of violence it always comes after a period of rest and happiness. But guess what HE IS GONE!
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> I thought someone would report my post for sure and say HORRIBLE 2 GALSMOM! SHAME ON YOU FOR NOT WANTING TO HAVE A NARCISSIST AS A HUSBAND. YOU WILL BE BANNED! WHY DO YOU SAY ALL NARCISSISTS ARE NOT GOOD FOR BEING HUSBANDS? How can you say that? Trying to hurt us? The majority are good, loving husbands!
> 
> *Sigh*
> 
> I was actually making a joke because high conflict personalities are known for being litigious. I was taken to court for making a rent payment for the abode of my children. I care not for litigious personalities.
> 
> I know that it is not easy to screen for everything and people can pass lie detectors yada yada yada BUT there are professionals like the one that worked in EnjoliWoman's case. Even I too see things clearly to which once I was somehow blind. I have/had two challenging clients, one I endure because they are simply challenging, no one is perfect and one WAS a HIGH CONFLICT personality - adios.
> 
> So there you go Lisab! My idea for a business.
> 
> And now, I laugh my way to bed, good night singles . . .


Thanks much 2Gals. I am working on a few filters to those who join, some might have to be integrated later just for costs sake. The background check might not be integrated right away, only because they are about $20 bucks a pop per screen (that's the cheapest so far) and I don't have that kind of capital at the moment. I am looking for other ways to keep the spammers out, get only serious members. I can't keep all the bad ones out, but I will do my best. 

It is coming along though, hopefully I will be able to go live some time in March.


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


>


I FEEL YA!! I had to shovel a 2foot wall of ice that mysteriously made a home right behind my car during the night. 

I miss Arizona on days like today.


----------



## lisab0105

Want to know what I reeeeaaalllyy hate? 

Dragging my -exhausted, wet, cranky, matted hotmess of a hair-do, already fell on my @ss in 2ft of piled up snow and almost had to live there because I couldn't get the f'ck back up, might need to invest in Lifeline for such emergencies- self to work today only to get the call from my boss..."Hey, didn't think you were coming into work today, I'm not." 

:gun::gun::gun::wtf::rant::soapbox:issed::tool::


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man Lisa, thats balls!!!

Gross, hairy, sweaty, sticky balls!!!!


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh man Lisa, thats balls!!!
> 
> Gross, hairy, sweaty, sticky balls!!!!


RIGHT?! 

This too will make me a stronger person :bsflag:


----------



## unsure78

snow is stupid... that is all


----------



## 06Daddio08

You get used to it.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am inkless.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> You get used to it.


This is how you really feel isn't it??


----------



## 06Daddio08

Pretty much, it's been so cold that when it hits -20c it feels like t-shirt weather.


----------



## Ikaika

So as I sit here in my shorts, windows and sliding door open, ready to leave for work, I should say nothing


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Pretty much, it's been so cold that when it hits -20c it feels like t-shirt weather.


I would die.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Pretty much, it's been so cold that when it hits -20c it feels like t-shirt weather.


The other day it hit -14 so i decided to ditch the parka and toque in favor of just a sweater and light gloves, felt so unrestrictive!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I would die.


Oh I'm sure I told as well. After a few days. 






Lon said:


> The other day it hit -14 so i decided to ditch the parka and toque in favor of just a sweater and light gloves, felt so unrestrictive!


Oh you Ontario folk and your gloves!


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> The other day it hit -14 so i decided to ditch the parka and toque in favor of just a sweater and light gloves, felt so unrestrictive!


Yes but can you gentleman survive the weeks straight of 90-100+ degrees F we get in the summer as well? (with humidity)


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Yes but can you gentleman survive the weeks straight of 90-100+ degrees F we get in the summer as well? (with humidity)


That's what, 37.7 Celsius? With humidity it can get up to 40-45c here at times. It's actually quite ridiculous how much the temperature changes in a calendar year.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Yes but can you gentleman survive the weeks straight of 90-100+ degrees F we get in the summer as well? (with humidity)


Oh i love the heat, i will take +45c over -45c any day, regardless of the humidity (all i ask is for a week or two to acclimatize)


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Oh I'm sure I told as well. After a few days.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh you Ontario folk and your gloves!


Ontario is for sissies, I'm in SK (where we don't get chinooks every few weeks to thaw out).


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Ontario is for sissies, I'm in SK (where we don't get chinooks every few weeks to thaw out).


Ah. For whatever reason I thought you were from Ontario. If you have a sister and you're from Saskatchewan, you're not technically single are you??

Haha!


----------



## BeachGuy

Jellybeans said:


> Beach and 3x: it was about Vi saying she wished she could feel more of an emotional connection versus having casual sex and Picture told her essentially to remember this moment because when she's in her 40s/50s her joints will hurt and she won't be able to go beyond 2 positions at that age. And that maybe with luck her partner in the future won't leave her for someone younger with a tighter vag and more flexibility.


That's what I questioned because I'm 51 and my joints don't hurt and I can certainly go beyond 2 positions. Guess I took it a little personal.

But I suppose their point was leaving for a younger person once you're older. Maybe they should've said 70 or 80.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Geez I'm nearly 46 and I can think of at least 10 positions without trying hard. I can't really think of a position I can't do now that I could at 20. And my joints don't hurt. How rude.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Geez I'm nearly 46 and I can think of at least 10 positions without trying hard. I can't really think of a position I can't do now that I could at 20. And my joints don't hurt. How rude.


I have you beat by 7 years. And, no problems with tactical movements. Joints are just fine.


----------



## Jellybeans

You guys are making me excited to get older. 



BeachGuy said:


> That's what I questioned because I'm 51 and my joints don't hurt and I can certainly go beyond 2 positions. Guess I took it a little personal.
> 
> But I suppose their point was leaving for a younger person once you're older. Maybe they should've said 70 or 80.


That's how I read it, too.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Ah. For whatever reason I thought you were from Ontario. If you have a sister and you're from Saskatchewan, you're not technically single are you??
> 
> Haha!


Good thing i don't have any relatives here  plus i don't live on a farm so i don't have any bestial temptations unlike some prairie people.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Good thing i don't have any relatives here  plus i don't live on a farm so i don't have any bestial temptations unlike some prairie people.


Haha. Not a Riders fan are you?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Haha. Not a Riders fan are you?


I bleed green.


----------



## Lon

You a jets fan? Or oilers or flames?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> I bleed green.


I think it's time I prepare a NC letter for you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> You a jets fan? Or oilers or flames?


When the Jets left in '96 I became a Senators fan. I tried being a Flames fan once because I love Cammalleri but couldn't do it. I'm not the biggest Spezza fan but when we got our Jets back I naturally returned to my home town.

Maurice has done an amazing job, 9-2 in our last 11 and now sit 2 points out of the playoffs! I have my fingers crossed that Buff, Trouba and Scheifele don't get traded. We could do without Kane or Pavy though!

What about you?


----------



## angelpixie

Gee whiz, guys. I came here expecting it to be 




and instead, it's just


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> When the Jets left in '96 I became a Senators fan. I tried being a Flames fan once because I love Cammalleri but couldn't do it. I'm not the biggest Spezza fan but when we got our Jets back I naturally returned to my home town.
> 
> Maurice has done an amazing job, 9-2 in our last 11 and now sit 2 points out of the playoffs! I have my fingers crossed that Buff, Trouba and Scheifele don't get traded. We could do without Kane or Pavy though!
> 
> What about you?


I've been following the Jets closely lately, it's great to watch this recent winning trend! I'm a Charleswood boy, growing up i had a number of old jets in my neighborhood (Jim Kyte lived right behind our house) Laurie Boschman around the corner my dad knew Doug Smail...

I moved to west coast in 87 and followed them through the Selanne years then when they left for Arizona i lost interest, followed the Canucks and Flames a little. My relatives in the 'Peg have season tickets but i haven't been out to a game to see the new jets yet, pretty much just listen to the games on internet radio.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Thanks much 2Gals. I am working on a few filters to those who join, some might have to be integrated later just for costs sake. The background check might not be integrated right away, only because they are about $20 bucks a pop per screen (that's the cheapest so far) and I don't have that kind of capital at the moment. I am looking for other ways to keep the spammers out, get only serious members. I can't keep all the bad ones out, but I will do my best.
> 
> It is coming along though, hopefully I will be able to go live some time in March.


If you ever need a mod who will work for work for cheap.....:smthumbup:

I'd love to help you with this project in any way possible. Maybe I could filter through profiles for you to keep the trouble makers out. You definitely don't want your site to have a reputation for cam sl*ts and local prostitutes. 

Also, I've noticed some sites have filters to keep the free members from giving their email addresses or facebook profiles away to avoid paying for a membership. But people have found a way to around that and will code it in their "About Me" near the bottom in a way that tricks the computer. You need a human to scan for these and keep people from doing that.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


>


That smiley is so cute!


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> If you ever need a mod who will work for work for cheap.....:smthumbup:
> 
> I'd love to help you with this project in any way possible. Maybe I could filter through profiles for you to keep the trouble makers out. You definitely don't want your site to have a reputation for cam sl*ts and local prostitutes.
> 
> Also, I've noticed some sites have filters to keep the free members from giving their email addresses or facebook profiles away to avoid paying for a membership. But people have found a way to around that and will code it in their "About Me" near the bottom in a way that tricks the computer. You need a human to scan for these and keep people from doing that.


----------



## muskrat

Nsweet said:


> If you ever need a mod who will work for work for cheap.....:smthumbup:
> 
> I'd love to help you with this project in any way possible. Maybe I could filter through profiles for you to keep the trouble makers out. You definitely don't want your site to have a reputation for cam sl*ts and local prostitutes.
> 
> Also, I've noticed some sites have filters to keep the free members from giving their email addresses or facebook profiles away to avoid paying for a membership. But people have found a way to around that and will code it in their "About Me" near the bottom in a way that tricks the computer. You need a human to scan for these and keep people from doing that.


I would also be interested in helping out. :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

muskrat said:


> I would also be interested in helping out. :smthumbup:


That's cool, guys thank you. I will need help soon enough. I have really big plans for this, it's going to branch out in a lot of different ways between the weekly podcast where we highlight a member of the week, to where I am going to set up in person support group meets ups sponsored by LFS.com. I'll start it in NJ since I am here and eventually LFS will find members in other areas that will start a group in their area. Whoever runs it for me will get free membership. That way LFS is helping them when the betrayal is still fresh and if/when they are ready to date again...they'll know about us. I'm taking out advertising on I heart radio soon, as well. People will be able to tour the whole site before signing up. Once they join with their paid membership, they have access to everything. 1, 3, 6 month memberships only. They can renew as much as they want...but my goal isn't to keep people there. If you pay in advance (3,6) and cancel you will only lose that current month your in. (Still active, but hidden) You'll get a refund of your remaining months. I'm not interested in keeping someone's money or their info, especially if they are leaving because they met someone. No emails constantly reminding you to come back. No chat or video chat. If people want to talk to each other outside of the private message, you go to the forum. The more active you are in the forum, you'll get credits toward your account. Serious dating, long term relationship or marriage are the only seeking options. No FWB, no hook-ups, no just friends. What people do outside of the site is their business, but if someone is scamming any of my members or asking for hook-ups, hopefully they will be reported and kicked off. 

There is a lot more guys...but I don't want to go on and on anymore than I have already. 

The main thing is that LFS is going to shine a big light on betrayed spouses and the importance of fidelity in a relationship. And you don't have to be a betrayed spouse to join, just have to sympathize and believe in monogamy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

That sounds great Lisa.
I'm only an hour and a half from Jersey, let me know what you need and I will do my best to help.

You will definitely need mods in the forums.


----------



## 2galsmom

lisab0105 said:


> Thanks much 2Gals. I am working on a few filters to those who join, some might have to be integrated later just for costs sake. The background check might not be integrated right away, only because they are about $20 bucks a pop per screen (that's the cheapest so far) and I don't have that kind of capital at the moment. I am looking for other ways to keep the spammers out, get only serious members. I can't keep all the bad ones out, but I will do my best.
> 
> It is coming along though, hopefully I will be able to go live some time in March.


OMG! Charge the $20. Weed out people who are going at it as a gag with phony profiles like the author of Bridget Diary girl whatever her name All about the Boy (I do not want a boy at my age Miss Jones. That is her name!) is and the Cracked magazine lady. And I am talking about a REAL background check and not the Internet ones.


----------



## lisab0105

2galsmom said:


> OMG! Charge the $20. Weed out people who are going at it as a gag with phony profiles like the author of Bridget Diary girl whatever her name All about the Boy (I do not want a boy at my age Miss Jones. That is her name!) is and the Cracked magazine lady. And I am talking about a REAL background check and not the Internet ones.


It's the same type that employers use. 
If I include it in the membership fee that will put it at around $47 a month. Will they pay it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> It's the same type that employers use.
> If I include it in the membership fee that will put it at around $47 a month. Will they pay it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but only if you include some free stuff. How about downloadable ebooks. One on starting over after divorce and betrayal, one on internet dating, and one on healthy relationships the second time. You include that and a very upfront membership fee, none of that auto bill crap, and you got yourself a good dating site.


----------



## Nsweet

Also Lisa, 

If you let single TAM members join your site for free... We can get the forums and everything started and keep them going before you get your first customers. Get the wheels in motion. Even if you invite 20 people to share their stories and discuss dating tips, in just a few days time you would have everything you needed to write some really good articles for your home page.


----------



## unsure78

yea cause clearly we all know how to give a good singles thread...hehe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I'm still waiting for the hot moms of TAM calendar.


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> Also Lisa,
> 
> If you let single TAM members join your site for free... We can get the forums and everything started and keep them going before you get your first customers. Get the wheels in motion. Even if you invite 20 people to share their stories and discuss dating tips, in just a few days time you would have everything you needed to write some really good articles for your home page.


Already working on some sweet deals for TAM members. I'll look into the ebooks, and brainstorm a few other incentives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I'm still waiting for the hot moms of TAM calendar.


i did take naughty school girl pics the other night...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> i did take naughty school girl pics the other night...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Part of me want to see those pics. But only if they're classy and not too exposing.... I've gotten to know you too well to think of you in that way.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Part of me want to see those pics. But only if they're classy and not too exposing.... I've gotten to know you too well to think of you in that way.


I call bullsh!t.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Part of me want to see those pics. But only if they're classy and not too exposing.... I've gotten to know you too well to think of you in that way.


i will say some tam members were privy to them before they were sent to the intended... had to make sure they were good enough...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> i will say some tam members were privy to them before they were sent to the intended... had to make sure they were good enough...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Meh, I'm not really interested anymore. Thanks for telling me though.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Meh, I'm not really interested anymore. Thanks for telling me though.


females only my dear...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> females only my dear...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, whatever.

Mind you I grew up around women. Nothing you can say will shock me, or tempt me, or turn me on. I'm numb to all of that.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Ok, whatever.
> 
> Mind you I grew up around women. Nothing you can say will shock me, or tempt me, or turn me on. I'm numb to all of that.


i wasn't trying to shock or tempt you just stating the truth
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> i wasn't trying to shock or tempt you just stating the truth
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And I bet you look absolutely adorable. Let me guess... Plaid skirt, blouse tied in a knot, hair in pigtails, maybe a blowpop? 

Somehow that fantasy just doesn't seem to register with me.


----------



## unsure78

sa likes it his fantasy not mine... but if that turns him.on im all about making it happen for him...

im fun to be with in that regard 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> And I bet you look absolutely adorable. Let me guess... Plaid skirt, blouse tied in a knot, hair in pigtails, maybe a blowpop?
> 
> Somehow that fantasy just doesn't seem to register with me.


Well what does? 

I always thought the 'school girl' fantasy was a little creepy. I think of young girls of about 12yrs old in those outfits for some reason, not older girls of consensual age. 

It does seem to be a popular fantasy though. I'm sure you look great unsure and gonna WOW him  Hopefully it helps add some spicy spice to things


----------



## 2galsmom

lisab0105 said:


> It's the same type that employers use.
> If I include it in the membership fee that will put it at around $47 a month. Will they pay it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course they will, do you know why? 

I shall take over marketing, Dodgy Daters Beware, We are coming to vet you . . . *




*©2014 2galsmom (the real one not the one on Twitter) All Rights Reserved.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well what does?
> 
> I always thought the 'school girl' fantasy was a little creepy. I think of young girls of about 12yrs old in those outfits for some reason, not older girls of consensual age.
> 
> It does seem to be a popular fantasy though. I'm sure you look great unsure and gonna WOW him  Hopefully it helps add some spicy spice to things


Tell me about it. There's nothing sexy about feeling like a pedophile. I mean even that skinny teen porn genre creeps me out. Ugh... *shutters* too young.

Do you really want to know what I like? I like moms with big buts.:smthumbup:

Oh yeah, a woman 35+ with that shape somewhere between slim and curvy and slightly chubby, maybe b-cup hour glass figure, and a nice ass. Put her in that hot secretary blouse with a little too much cleavage exposed and that "I didn't wash my hair today" pony tail and I'm all over it. Oh, even better.... Women in pj bottoms. God it just does something for the shape of their butt.:rofl:


----------



## jpr

Did someone mention PJ bottoms????

...I love my pajammies.


----------



## Morgiana

Pbartender said:


> This just goes to show that women from the South aren't _nicer_ than women from other parts of the United States... they're just _more polite_ about being not nice.


Actually, I'm a northern girl and I was using it very cheekily. You might even say I had risen to being a troll with it :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Morgiana said:


> Actually, I'm a northern girl and I was using it very cheekily. You might even say I had risen to being a troll with it :rofl:


Proves my point, all the same.


----------



## ne9907

Just sharing some insight that I had today.
Some of my craziness is genuine and a little bit needs to be worked on but it is good intentions crazy.

Just a thought 

Stay single and dating! Hope one day I will share my crazy single dating stories


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh sexy secretary NSweet? Rilly?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nothing like being shorted on a paycheck to start the day! Ha.


----------



## vi_bride04

.....so.....sore..........from.....shoveling......

It hurts to type my wrists are so achy.


----------



## unsure78

really life? life you suck..................................................................super booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> really life? life you suck..................................................................super booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Uh oh...that doesn't sound good


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> really life? life you suck..................................................................super booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Tell us how you really feel.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> really life? life you suck..................................................................super booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Tell us how you really feel.


HA!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> really life? life you suck..................................................................super booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Oh yeah, have you been rear-ended while at a complete stop twice in three days? (And no this isn't sexual innuendo, i mean literally a vehicle collision)

What's worse about it is almost losing your fingers to frostbite while trying to write down the other drivers info in -28c.

But atleast i get a day off work for a nice visit with my chiropractor and some time to lay down and get cozy with an ice pack.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii guys 

::waves::


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Oh yeah, have you been rear-ended while at a complete stop twice in three days? (And no this isn't sexual innuendo, i mean literally a vehicle collision)
> 
> What's worse about it is almost losing your fingers to frostbite while trying to write down the other drivers info in -28c.
> 
> But atleast i get a day off work for a nice visit with my chiropractor and some time to lay down and get cozy with an ice pack.


trust me you don't wabt compete with me for worse week right now... i will win

sorry about your car accident though lon 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> trust me you don't wabt compete with me for worse week right now... i will win
> 
> sorry about your car accident though lon
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just take it easy for the next few days.


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> trust me you don't wabt compete with me for worse week right now... i will win
> 
> sorry about your car accident though lon
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So sorry to hear about your week Unsure. Sending you warm Aloha. 

Malama pono


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> trust me you don't wabt compete with me for worse week right now... i will win
> 
> sorry about your car accident though lon
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes i don't want to compare pain with you, sorry your week is sh1t. (Oh and it's accidents plural


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's days like today I wish I had a female companion to come home to ... Haha.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon, actually the way you look at things determines quite a bit how they affect you. See, if you look at getting rear ended as a positive thing, it's not bad at all. You could have been hit on the driver's side or in the front by a car traveling at a high rate of speed. I know someone who was rear ended at a stop sign and their back was injured so bad they had to fuse vertebrae together. Now, they can't run/play sports. So, unless you are hurt, it actually was a fortunate/positive thing.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

You guys with your bad weeks......sorry to hear that. The sun is shining, the gym is open, sold some deals at work, talking to superiors about a promotion in the next 60 days, getting laid tonight..........

I love divorce.


----------



## vi_bride04

Meetup group outing tonight!!!!!!! So excited, same group my single gf is in. Happy Hour Thursdays. Drink and food specials at fancy resturants from 4-9pm. Love it. And REALLY love the martinis from the bar that was chosen tonight. Nice age range of people and should be a couple guys there I met previously. woot.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Lon, actually the way you look at things determines quite a bit how they affect you. See, if you look at getting rear ended as a positive thing, it's not bad at all. You could have been hit on the driver's side or in the front by a car traveling at a high rate of speed. I know someone who was rear ended at a stop sign and their back was injured so bad they had to fuse vertebrae together. Now, they can't run/play sports. So, unless you are hurt, it actually was a fortunate/positive thing.


Well it did aggravate my back and neck, means an injury claim and more chiro appointments, but is certainly not something that will prevent me from doing any of the activities i normality do. I am getting paranoid of other drivers though...


----------



## 06Daddio08

What a fantastic way to end a Thursday and go into Friday / the weekend! Walking in from the gym, where I just broke ground on some new personal bests and my phone rings. The exes number comes up. I decide to answer it and it's D7 wanting to talk.

I ask her what's up and she says "All the kids at school are bugging me." So I ask her about what. "They want to know if you are going to make them cookies for Valentines Day". I tell her of course and she says "I just didn't know if you forgot." Haha. I hadn't.

We came to an agreement that I would make half the batch this weekend to save some time, then she would help me make the rest during the week before next Friday.

Then my S5 comes on the phone and asks if we can make muffins again and peanut butter cookies. I made them for the first time the last weekend I had them, he really wants them.

Feelin' pretty good right about meow. I can tell you one thing, if I wasn't single and still married I wouldn't have been doing these things! :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> What a fantastic way to end a Thursday and go into Friday / the weekend! Walking in from the gym, where I just broke ground on some new personal bests and my phone rings. The exes number comes up. I decide to answer it and it's D7 wanting to talk.
> 
> I ask her what's up and she says "All the kids at school are bugging me." So I ask her about what. "They want to know if you are going to make them cookies for Valentines Day". I tell her of course and she says "I just didn't know if you forgot." Haha. I hadn't.
> 
> We came to an agreement that I would make half the batch this weekend to save some time, then she would help me make the rest during the week before next Friday.
> 
> Then my S5 comes on the phone and asks if we can make muffins again and peanut butter cookies. I made them for the first time the last weekend I had them, he really wants them.
> 
> Feelin' pretty good right about meow. I can tell you one thing, if I wasn't single and still married I wouldn't have been doing these things! :smthumbup:


Single dad that benches and bakes...gonna make some pretty Canadian a happy chick .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

lisab0105 said:


> Single dad that *benches and bakes*...gonna make some pretty Canadian a happy chick .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hmmm...I'm envisioning a business for Up...One half is a bakery, the other half is a gym. Built-in clientele: they work out, congratulate themselves with a cupcake or cookie Up baked fresh that morning, then go right back to the gym to work it off. Rinse, repeat. :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

angelpixie said:


> Hmmm...I'm envisioning a business for Up...One half is a bakery, the other half is a gym. Built-in clientele: they work out, congratulate themselves with a cupcake or cookie Up baked fresh that morning, then go right back to the gym to work it off. Rinse, repeat. :smthumbup:


LOL, he's curling with one arm and mixing with the other. There's a calendar pic for ya.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Rear ended , there was a chuckle until l found out how :rofl:

Not that l'm competing for worst wk , don't want that prize myself. But l just got back from interstate picking up a new job which in my case are camper vans and rv's.

l got an hr down the road and stopped to check things and guess what , the door was gone , yep !
l got another hr down the road and l hear all this banging and crunching and guess what - the fkd up vacuum pushing into the camper because the door disappeared , blew out the 8ft wide front window . So now l have full on frontal vacuum and over the next few hrs things started popping off everywhere inside the cabin. l still have 6hrs of driving left but now l have to slow down to 1/3 the speed or have the whole thing blow to bits.

Oh but that ain't all , it got better . 4 hrs later at 11 pm , tire blew out . No one for miles , only 3 wheels left as no spare l discovered , so l had to 1/2 my speed again and amble home on 3 wheels with the rest of it blowing to bits with vacuum.
Eventually l finally turn into my road and home at 3am , shoulda been home by 5- 6pm easy . Van in bits , ahhhh !

Worst thing was though , the dark empty house , how depressing. Ohwell , now that l've depressed everyone , over and out :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> LOL, he's curling with one arm and mixing with the other. There's a calendar pic for ya.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No shirt and an apron? 

A manly, Canadian apron of course LMAO


----------



## Dollystanford

oh dear, you appear to have dripped some cake batter on your chest


----------



## 06Daddio08

Haha. This was a good read ... as I sit here eating bacon at 6am before work. My apron would be a meaty strip of bacon, holding weights.

With a Canadian Maple Leaf behind it, and to the side a river of maple syrup with one part frozen and hockey players on it. A lumberjack in the background chopping down a tree and behind him a wolf howling while standing on a snow covered rock.

And it would have Northern Lights throughout.

*wipes a tear from his eye* Oooohhh Caaaannnaadaaaa!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> Single dad that benches and bakes...gonna make some pretty Canadian a happy chick .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She doesn't have to be from Canada, she just has to be able to put up with the Canadian cold.


----------



## whitehawk

l always wanted a man apron for when l play in the kitchen .


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> l always wanted a man apron for when l play in the kitchen .


Haha. I cook my bacon without a shirt, the bacon grease popping and hitting my pale white skin makes me feel alive!


----------



## Jellybeans

White--I am so glad to hear you made it home ok! That really sucks. Hopefully you will have a nice weekend.

Maybe there is something in the air because this week has been really crazy for me, too. 

My brain is mush. I somehow thought my lecture started thirty minutes later than its actual time yesterday and I was late. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even realize my error until 15 minutes in. I really need to find some time to relax this weekend.

Social Media Guy (SMG) is STILL hitting me up. Is relentless. He asked me out to dinner, yet again, and I declined, again. I already told him I didn' tsee the point in us going out and me feigning like I feel differently because I don't and that I don't think we are a match. I have some public projects that he apparently has been following up on and he started praising me for it saying how he was reading all about it and how amazing I am. I appreciate the compliments but why is he so gung-ho now? I don't get it. He even tried flirting with me referencing a time we made out. It made me feel weird. I didn't engage. The last two times he's reached out to me, I haven't responded.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Haha. I cook my bacon without a shirt, the bacon grease popping and hitting my pale white skin makes me feel alive!


You too? I thought i was the only freak around here.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> You too? I thought i was the only freak around here.


oh you silly canadians..lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

the one who broke my heart.just emailed wishing me a happy bday...i am reduced to a puddle of tears... why wont he leave me alone forever... is it not enough that he broke me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNSURE!!!* :birthday::birthday::birthday:










(Who was the one who reached out to you? Slow? Or someone else?) Honestly, anyone who breaks your heart is an idiot and cannot appreciate yor magnificant chi-chis. Just saying.

It's your birthday so you should put on some sexy underwear, do your hair, put some lippy on and look fckin fabulous doing whatever it is that you LOVE. 

Get it, girl!


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> the one who broke my heart.just emailed wishing me a happy bday...i am reduced to a puddle of tears... why wont he leave me alone forever... is it not enough that he broke me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Happy birthday flute remix - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

it was the engy...my post D bf.... i loved him very very much, he was a commitment phobe and was scared cause we were getting to serious... have been NC since aug, last time spoke was july last time seeing him was may... clearly the wounds he caused still run deep if an email causes me to break down in tears
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> it was the engy...my post D bf.... i loved him very very much, he was a commitment phobe and was scared cause we were getting to serious... have been NC since aug, last time spoke was july last time seeing him was may... clearly the wounds he caused still run deep if an email causes me to break down in tears
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The tears are a sign to yourself that you have a little work to do. Plus, you've been through a lot in the last week dear. So take it easy on yourself.

If you need to talk, you know how to get a hold of me.


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> it was the engy...my post D bf.... i loved him very very much, he was a commitment phobe and was scared cause we were getting to serious... have been NC since aug, last time spoke was july last time seeing him was may... clearly the wounds he caused still run deep if an email causes me to break down in tears
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See and that is why those kind of guys have no business involving themselves with anyone in any capacity. 

If you are afraid to open yourself up, keep it in your pants or just use hookers. Stay far away from actual good people.


----------



## Jellybeans

AND he just asked me out again tonight...

I still have not responded (like the last two times). I alread told him I am not interested.

Anyone care to chime in on this? WTF? 

See below. 



Jellybeans said:


> Social Media Guy (SMG) is STILL hitting me up. Is relentless. He asked me out to dinner, yet again, and I declined, again. I already told him I didn' tsee the point in us going out and me feigning like I feel differently because I don't and that I don't think we are a match. I have some public projects that he apparently has been following up on and he started praising me for it saying how he was reading all about it and how amazing I am. I appreciate the compliments but why is he so gung-ho now? I don't get it. He even tried flirting with me referencing a time we made out. It made me feel weird. I didn't engage. The last two times he's reached out to me, I haven't responded.


Unsure, sorry to hear that. You are better off than being with someone who won't commit to you and remember, you don't have to respond to him at all. 

Don't let it ruin your big day. Go be fabulous!


----------



## vi_bride04

"What about I'm not interested do you not understand?"


----------



## lisab0105

Because it just feels like that kind of day... 

“There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.” 
― Ella Wheeler Wilcox

-Love is fire. But whether it's gonna warm your heart or burn your house down you can never tell.- unknown


Sorry unsure


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> AND he just asked me out again tonight...
> 
> I still have not responded (like the last two times). I alread told him I am not interested.
> 
> Anyone care to chime in on this? WTF?
> 
> See below.


Three words...

No Contact Letter.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> AND he just asked me out again tonight...
> 
> I still have not responded (like the last two times). I alread told him I am not interested.
> 
> Anyone care to chime in on this? WTF?
> 
> See below.


JB, it is so easy why he is still coming after you...not that you aren't a catch n half, but he is a chase hound. You are a challenge and it will make his ego soar through the freaking roof if he actually got you to see him again. Even more if he was able to score and suddenly you actually wanted to see him. Then he would probably scurry away like a douche.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> If you are afraid to open yourself up, keep it in your pants or just use hookers. Stay far away from actual good people.


:rofl: At least say from the beginning "I am NOT looking for a relationship" versus stringing someone along. Sheesh. It's NOT that hard to do!!!


----------



## lisab0105

Happy Birthday, Unsure!!!! 

love Hoops and Yoyo 
:birthday:
Hoops & Yoyo - Why are we here - YouTube


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> AND he just asked me out again tonight...
> 
> I still have not responded (like the last two times). I alread told him I am not interested.
> 
> Anyone care to chime in on this? WTF?
> 
> See below.
> 
> 
> 
> Unsure, sorry to hear that. You are better off than being with someone who won't commit to you and remember, you don't have to respond to him at all.
> 
> Don't let it ruin your big day. Go be fabulous!



If you want you can respond back in Hawaiian. I will come up with something


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Three words...
> 
> No Contact Letter.


Hehe. TAM tough love.



lisab0105 said:


> JB, it is so easy why he is still coming after you...not that you aren't a catch n half, but he is a chase hound. You are a challenge and it will make his ego soar through the freaking roof if he actually got you to see him again. Even more if he was able to score and suddenly you actually wanted to see him. Then he would probably scurry away like a douche.


Yeah ya know you may be onto something. But the thing is, he is not gonna sleep with me because I have zero intention of going on a date with him again. 

Some guys really only do like the "chase." Fickle bastards! Luckily I've been so turned off that he won't have a chase to get to date me again.

And on that note, he asked me out/messaged me yet again since my last post........that is four times now (and no, I still have not responded).


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. TAM tough love.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah ya know you may be onto something. But the thing is, he is not gonna sleep with me because I have zero intention of going on a date with him again.
> 
> Some guys really only do like the "chase." Fickle bastards! Luckily I've been so turned off that he won't have a chase to get to date me again.
> 
> And on that note, he asked me out/messaged me yet again since my last post........that is four times now (and no, I still have not responded).


Seriously, you want to make him go away? Tell him "Listen I was trying to be nice, but I am just not attracted to you." 

He'll stop. I promise. If he doesn't, than he isn't your typical ego hound, he is psycho. In that case, block his number lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

"Why are you being a creepy stalker? Please stop texting me!"


----------



## Ikaika

lisab0105 said:


> Seriously, you want to make him go away? Tell him "Listen I was trying to be nice, but I am just not attracted to you."
> 
> 
> 
> He'll stop. I promise. If he doesn't, than he isn't your typical ego hound, he is psycho. In that case, block his number lol.



Agree


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha you guys are a trip. I don't think I could tell him those exact words but maybe I will do my "I don't think we are a good match so I don't think it's a good idea we go on a date again." Though I already told him this before. I also told him "I don't see the point of us going on a date again because I am not good at feigning interest." And when I did this he invited me to go overseas with him so maybe he just isn't a person that takes rejection as a normal person would.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha you guys are a trip. I don't think I could tell him those exact words but maybe I will do my "I don't think we are a good match so I don't think it's a good idea we go on a date again." Though I already told him this before. I also told him "I don't see the point of us going on a date again because I am not good at feigning interest." And when I did this he invited me to go overseas with him so maybe he just isn't a person that takes rejection as a normal person would.



Guy here, we sometimes don't get code but the "blunt forced" approach does work. Just saying.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I thought I was pretty blunt when I said I didn't want to go out with him again and that we weren't a good match and that I didn't want to pretend any different.

I consider myself a pretty blunt person. (I know, who woulda thunk?) because I like to be honest with people. So I was.


----------



## lisab0105

drerio said:


> Guy here, we sometimes don't get code but the "blunt forced" approach does work. Just saying.


Exactly, hit him with a 4x4.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Please don't say "I don't think", it's not forward enough and can make certain types believe they can change the way you think.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Well I thought I was pretty blunt when I said I didn't want to go out with him again and that we weren't a good match and that I didn't want to pretend any different.
> 
> I consider myself a pretty blunt person. (I know, who woulda thunk?) because I like to be honest with people. So I was.



It is, I just think Lisa's approach. It is like Thor's hammer compared to you using a fencing sword and wearing him down with points. Just my opinion.


----------



## Ikaika

06Daddio08 said:


> Please don't say "I don't think", it's not forward enough and can make certain types believe they can change the way you think.



Thank you, this is it. So glad other can see the codes and articulate it better than I.


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg Daddio. I hear you but I thought I was pretty clear with him in everything when I told him I wasn't into it/him/did not want to go on a date with him again.

And by the way, I must have some serious mojo if I told a guy I wasn't into him and he is relentlessly pursuing me, still. HAHAHA.

And just think: we didn't sleep together. Just imagine if I would have slept with him! Imagine if I would have destroyed him in bed. Hahahaha. (Cause I have been saving my sexy up for someone, as you know). Hehehehe. We did make out though.

How Jelly got her groove back! 

:rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> it was the engy...my post D bf.... i loved him very very much, he was a commitment phobe and was scared cause we were getting to serious... have been NC since aug, last time spoke was july last time seeing him was may... clearly the wounds he caused still run deep if an email causes me to break down in tears
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is ok to grieve for the things that weren't. Things didn't exactly end well with my first post D gf but i still am more emotional about it than my actual D. She ended up dying in a car crash not long after i ended it with her and the NC is now permanent, and this brings me to tears from time to time. The existence of your ex is something that is good, as long as your heart remembers the feelings you had within yourself you will always have strong emotions about your life... That is called living and you don't have to categorize those feelings as something to avoid, it is a part of who you are.

And Happily bday btw!


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg Lon. That is awful.  Sorry to hear that.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Omg Daddio. I hear you but I thought I was pretty clear with him in everything when I told him I wasn't into it/him/did not want to go on a date with him again.
> 
> And by the way, I must have some serious mojo if I told a guy I wasn't into him and he is relentlessly pursuing me, still. HAHAHA.
> 
> And just think: we didn't sleep together. Just imagine if I would have slept with him! Imagine if I would have destroyed him in bed. Hahahaha. (Cause I have been saving my sexy up for someone, as you know). Hehehehe. We did make out though.
> 
> How Jelly got her groove back!
> 
> :rofl:


We like what we can't have. What you said was fine, just a little tweak suggestion is all. 

If your boundaries are "that's it, it's over" establish them (as you did) and then act like it. Delete all contact with him and when he reappears down the line delete without reading.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Well I thought I was pretty blunt when I said I didn't want to go out with him again and that we weren't a good match and that I didn't want to pretend any different.
> 
> I consider myself a pretty blunt person. (I know, who woulda thunk?) because I like to be honest with people. So I was.


Your words still put the responsibility of deciding back on him. You are asking his permission to continue blocking his approaches. You are not near blunt enough for this guy, he thinks you are still attainable. Tell him "stop, do not ask me again" or else he will just continue.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Omg Daddio. I hear you but I thought I was pretty clear with him in everything when I told him I wasn't into it/him/did not want to go on a date with him again.
> 
> And by the way, I must have some serious mojo if I told a guy I wasn't into him and he is relentlessly pursuing me, still. HAHAHA.
> 
> And just think: we didn't sleep together. Just imagine if I would have slept with him! Imagine if I would have destroyed him in bed. Hahahaha. (Cause I have been saving my sexy up for someone, as you know). Hehehehe. We did make out though.
> 
> How Jelly got her groove back!
> 
> :rofl:


If you had already had sex with him he wouldn't be continuing to pursue so hard. So if you want him to stop then command him to or else sleep with him.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> We like what we can't have. What you said was fine, just a little tweak suggestion is all.
> 
> If your boundaries are "that's it, it's over" establish them (as you did) and then act like it. Delete all contact with him and when he reappears down the line delete without reading.


Yeah, seems men have learned that what women say they want and what they will actually do are not always the same thing. Some guys think that is a cat and mouse game and JB is the prey. Saying "i don't think" and "i don't want" is like wiggling the tail, very submissive and attractive to the predator.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> If you had already had sex with him he wouldn't be continuing to pursue so hard. So if you want him to stop then command him to *or else sleep with him.*


Or not. I am not going to sleep with him and won't sleep with someone if there isn't a connection there. And for me, there isn't with this guy anymore (or any spark I did have is gone from when he first flaked on me). We did fool around though. 



Lon said:


> Yeah, seems men have learned that what women say they want and what they will actually do are not always the same thing. Some guys think that is a cat and mouse game and JB is the prey. Saying "i don't think" and "i don't want" is like wiggling the tail, very submissive and attractive to the predator.


I hear you guys. Loud and clear. But I am a woman of my word. Once I have lost interest in a guy, there is absolutely NO getting it back. So when I tell a guy I do not want to go out with him again and don't think we're compatible/can't see a future for us, believe me, I mean it. 

I ma definitely taking into account everything you guys say though because there is a lot of manly wisdom there. You guys are so wise! I appreciate all the feedback.

:smthumbup:

Oh an happy Friday to the sexiest thread crew of TAM.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Omg Lon. That is awful.  Sorry to hear that.


No worries, i came to peace with it. It was very tragic, she left behind a 3 year old daughter, but it was out of my control and it makes me relieved that i ended it with certainty rather than letting uncertainty define my actions. But i have zero regrets about any of it, i am thankful that she shared a spot in my life for a time. I have only fond memories despite that it didn't work out.

I had another gf for a short time post D, and i also think fondly of her, no matter how awkward things got after. But she certainly didn't leave an impression on me like the one who died.

It is normal for people to come in and out of our lives at all levels of intimacy, sometimes they stay in our lives longer or indefinitely, or even change levels. And it is equally normal to experience all kinds of emotions about them and there is nothing to be sorry for!


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Or not. I am not going to sleep with him and won't sleep with someone if there isn't a connection there. And for me, there isn't with this guy anymore (or any spark I did have is gone from when he first flaked on me). We did fool around though.
> 
> 
> 
> I hear you guys. Loud and clear. But I am a woman of my word. Once I have lost interest in a guy, there is absolutely NO getting it back. So when I tell a guy I do not want to go out with him again and don't think we're compatible/can't see a future for us, believe me, I mean it.
> 
> I ma definitely taking into account everything you guys say though because *there is a lot of manly wisdom there. You guys are so wise!* I appreciate all the feedback.
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> Oh an happy Friday to the sexiest thread crew of TAM.


**Ahem**


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> It is normal for people to come in and out of our lives at all levels of intimacy, sometimes they stay in our lives longer or indefinitely, or even change levels. And it is equally normal to experience all kinds of emotions about them and there is nothing to be sorry for!


I really like this. And it makes much sense. 

Always on TAM I read something that helps me at the exact time I need it. :smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



> ...I hear you guys. Loud and clear. But I am a woman of my word. Once I have lost interest in a guy, there is absolutely NO getting it back. So when I tell a guy I do not want to go out with him again and don't think we're compatible/can't see a future for us, believe me, I mean it.


I believe you entirely, as do most of us on TAM, and we respect that greatly! I think we are merely pointing out that some guys just don't get it and that the way you communicate with them is different, politeness won't work on them, only consequences.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> It is normal for people to come in and out of our lives at all levels of intimacy, sometimes they stay in our lives longer or indefinitely, or even change levels. And it is equally normal to experience all kinds of emotions about them *and there is nothing to be sorry for*!


That is really beautiful, Lon.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Yeah, seems men have learned that what women say they want and what they will actually do are not always the same thing. Some guys think that is a cat and mouse game and JB is the prey. Saying "i don't think" and "i don't want" is like wiggling the tail, very submissive and attractive to the predator.


I'm a firm believer that both sides play the games equally. One of the reasons I have no interest in continuous dating.


----------



## Jellybeans

I hate games, too. They suck.


----------



## brokeneric

Has anyone dated through TAM?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



brokeneric said:


> Has anyone dated through TAM?


I'm taking the 5th on that one.


----------



## brokeneric

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm taking the 5th on that one.


wow. you rock dude.


----------



## Jellybeans

brokeneric said:


> Has anyone dated through TAM?


Nope. I don't mix my real life with TAM. Hahaha.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> I'm taking the 5th on that one.


(We don't have a fifth amendment)


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> (We don't have a fifth amendment)


Shhhh. I was basing it on her laws, not mine.


----------



## Jellybeans

We have a love connection in this thread! 

:smthumbup:

So glad to hear you didn't need my teletransporter/travel machine.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> We have a love connection in this thread!
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> So lad to hear you didn't need my teletransporter/travel machine.


..... this happened a year ago.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh wait. I am confused then about the love connection's pairing. 

Nevermind!


----------



## vi_bride04

Parole hat "dumped" and POF profile deleted!

Sooooooo done with the online dating. 

Anyone got any plans this weekend besides shoveling snow or trying to keep warm from the bitter cold?


----------



## lisab0105

:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I met one but just for fun since I'd have to be a cougar to go after him.  LOL But CoGuy is a great guy. We are FB friends, too. It's nice to have a wide variety of acquaintances with different interests.


----------



## lisab0105

It's so cute how hopeful you are JB...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Oh wait. I am confused then about the love connection's pairing.
> 
> Nevermind!


Love is such an overused word. 

I will admit though, geography is a b1tch. I'm talking aboot the present, not the past.


----------



## lisab0105

EnjoliWoman said:


> I met one but just for fun since I'd have to be a cougar to go after him.  LOL But CoGuy is a great guy. We are FB friends, too. It's nice to have a wide variety of acquaintances with different interests.


How much older is a woman compared to him to be classified as a Cougar?


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Love is such an overused word.
> 
> I will admit though, geography is a b1tch. I'm talking aboot the present, not the past.


And the kids!! Little buggers keeping people firmly in their own countries


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> And the kids!! Little buggers keeping people firmly in their own countries


I feel like we've been through this before ...


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Parole hat "dumped" and POF profile deleted!
> 
> Sooooooo done with the online dating.
> 
> Anyone got any plans this weekend besides shoveling snow or trying to keep warm from the bitter cold?


Well, I declined a date I was invited on LOL. I'm "just not that into him." My weekend will consist of errands, getting my party on at friends' house and working on some projects. I cannot wait to go home today and make a nice dinner, drink wine and pass out! I am seriously so looking forward that.

Did did you ever actively respond to Parole, Vi? Or are you still giving him the brush-off?

Sorry to hear about the snow. I HATE winter. SO MUCH. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> I met one but just for fun since I'd have to be a cougar to go after him.  LOL But CoGuy is a great guy. We are FB friends, too. It's nice to have a wide variety of acquaintances with different interests.


What ever happened to Friend for Life? Did you tell him you wanted some more ooh la la? What was the end result of that?

For the longest I thought Co was a woman. I know. Don't laugh (even if it says GUY in the name). I always read it as COG. I am silly, I know.



lisab0105 said:


> It's so cute how hopeful you are JB...


Hey, I may never ever ever (did I say "ever" enough?) want to marry again but I still believe in love, connections, and all that sparkly stuff that happens between two people.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I feel like we've been through this before ...


We have...its just a recap for those newly joining us :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> We have...its just a recap for those newly joining us :smthumbup:


Hmmm, it's not a true to form recap though. You haven't been left speechless yet!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Oh and it is supposed to be in the mid-to-upper 50s this weekend and sunny. Tonight dinner with "BFF Hat" and as we still haven't talked, and he even brought it up that we hadn't talked, we'll probably chat. Kiddo has a sleepover so maybe can go back to the house and talk if restaurant not a good place. Saturday dinner with an friend. Day time hours should be yard work.


----------



## brokeneric

I fantasized about cougars when I was a teen. And now I am 40.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Hmmm, it's not a true to form recap though. You haven't been left speechless yet!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Did did you ever actively respond to Parole, Vi? Or are you still giving him the brush-off?


LOL yes I sent him a text saying I didn't want to lead him on anymore b/c its not what I'm looking for.


----------



## Jellybeans

What'd he say?


----------



## vi_bride04

"ok"

big on words that one was. I responded with the dump text to a "hey" text from 2 days earlier.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


>


I like you. You seem like a nice lady.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

lisab0105 said:


> How much older is a woman compared to him to be classified as a Cougar?


Well, for me not to feel like a dirty old woman (at 45), I'd want someone 40 or older; he looks around 30-32?


----------



## brokeneric

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, for me not to feel like a dirty old woman (at 45), I'd want someone 40 or older; he looks around 30-32?


I am 40. Where can I apply?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'd be happy to email the necessary forms.


----------



## lisab0105

:bringiton: It's bring on the flirt at TAM today


----------



## Ikaika

brokeneric said:


> I am 40. Where can I apply?






EnjoliWoman said:


> I'd be happy to email the necessary forms.


----------



## brokeneric

It's always nice to talk to beautiful ladies like Enjoli ma'am.


----------



## lisab0105

Brokeneric making the play for Enjoli









Enjoli flirting back









Clearly, I'm a gif wh*re


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well I've spontaneously decided to take a weekend break from TAM. So you all have yourselves a wonderful weekend!


----------



## angelpixie

lisab0105 said:


> :bringiton: It's bring on the flirt at TAM today














(couldn't find a good 'bow chicka wow wow' sound clip to post here, so just imagine one  )


----------



## unsure78

i didn't email the one who broke my heart.back... be proud i didn't break NC
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Good job, Unsure!



06Daddio08 said:


> Well I've spontaneously decided to take a weekend break from TAM. So you all have yourselves a wonderful weekend!


Have a nice weekend, Daddio!


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> i didn't email the one who broke my heart.back... be proud i didn't break NC
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very proud, unsure 

Hope he doesn't keep trying, thats when it gets hard to not break NC...! Especially with someone you cared soooo much for at one time. Know how that goes....


----------



## Jellybeans

Why do these mofos always reappear out of the woodwork? I mean seriously. WTF?

I can't tell you how many times it's been that a guy I've had no contact with will send me a sly text or phone call. I'm like, _OH YOU'RE STILL ALIVE? 
_

Delete.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Why do these mofos always reappear out of the woodwork? I mean seriously. WTF?
> 
> I can't tell you how many times it's been that I a guy I've had no contact with will senc me a sly text or phone call. I'm like, _OH YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?
> _
> Delete.


mine did it because hes selfish.. he wants me as a friend, cause im the only person he could tell anything too.... so he wants to be able to have me in the capacity he most values without having to commit to me... he knows how incredibly bad i was hurt by his actions after our breakup... i was in a bad mental state, even worse than during my exh cheating and divorce... but hes clearly not taking that into his thought processs...

last contact we had( before today) was... have you found yourself a big stud that treats you like a princess, so we can be friends? lol selfish much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

http://youtu.be/yZjDPAzx_I8


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> mine did it because hes selfish.. he wants me as a friend, cause im the only person he could tell anything too.... so he wants to be able to have me in the capacity he most values without having to commit to me... he knows how incredibly bad i was hurt by his actions after our breakup... i was in a bad mental state, even worse than during my exh cheating and divorce... but hes clearly not taking that into his thought processs...


Whoa. Sounds so similar....

Why do people have to be selfish? Its not like they don't know the pain they caused. wtf...


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> mine did it because hes selfish.. he wants me as a friend, cause im the only person he could tell anything too.... so he wants to be able to have me in the capacity he most values without having to commit to me... he knows how incredibly bad i was hurt by his actions after our breakup... i was in a bad mental state, even worse than during my exh cheating and divorce... but hes clearly not taking that into his thought processs...
> 
> last contact we had( before today) was... have you found yourself a big stud that treats you like a princess, so we can be friends? lol selfish much
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What an @sshat


----------



## Ikaika

I know I'm an outsider here, but excited I'm meeting up with a few old band member Saturday night at local studio to jam.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Whoa. Sounds so similar....
> 
> Why do people have to be selfish? Its not like they don't know the pain they caused. wtf...


i know he knows how much pain he caused to me... 

they almost all come back around wanting to be friends with me, hs bf called me occasionally for years, blues wants me back, and engy wants to be friends... ummm no f*ck you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> I know I'm an outsider here, but excited I'm meeting up with a few old band member Saturday night at local studio to jam.


Woo hoo! That sounds awesome. Are you guys going to wear grass skirts? Kidding! You know I am making Hawaii jokes!


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure,

So WHAT are you doing for your birthday, love?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Woo hoo! That sounds awesome. Are you guys going to wear grass skirts? Kidding! You know I am making Hawaii jokes!


As a bass player I am very likely to lead in with this song.

Rick James - Super Freak - YouTube

:rofl: bunch of middle aged guys doing Rick James and many others.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Unsure,
> 
> So WHAT are you doing for your birthday, love?


honest answer is im going to my grandmas wake in a few hours with my son... she passed this week
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I am so sorry for your loss Unsure. 




vi_bride04 said:


> Whoa. Sounds so similar....
> 
> Why do people have to be selfish? Its not like they don't know the pain they caused. wtf...


because they want redemption or they are simply bored.
Oh yeah, they are also selfish.

My ex called the other day, I had been doing so well, and am now back to being an emotional wreck. I told him not to call me again because his calls make me unwell. He reply with "sorry to be such a burden to you, I was feeling lost and very vulnerable. I will not call you again."

But of course, I changed my tuned. Why is it that when he needs me I am always there, but I when I wanted to talk to him a few months ago he replied with "do not text me again, we are done, why can you not accept this, I have."

I know better than to be sad but cant help it.... 
Even now, he is TT me.... before he said he had never emotionally cheated on me... now he says he has, he was tempted many times to have PA (before it was NEVER)....


Oh the devastation is going to end one day. I know it.


----------



## Dollystanford

My ex phoned me to call me a c*nt today after a relatively innocuous exchange about a joint bank account I want to take my name off

I'm not quite sure who pissed on his chips but after I put the phone down on him he texted some frankly unforgivable things, so much so that I doubt I will ever see him again. I certainly don't want to.


----------



## Ikaika

We're putting the band back together :rofl:

The Blues Brothers How Much For The Girl Resteurant Scene - YouTube

The Blues Brothers - Aretha Franklin - YouTube

Well, no only because one of the old crew (singer) is visiting from the mainland. My son is coming along to pick up some pointers on drumming.


----------



## vi_bride04

WTF is going on with all this selfishness lately?


----------



## Lon

I nominate fridays to be henceforth officiality declared as asshat reversal day, on whence all the asshats of the world are prohibited from asshattery leaving all asshattery to be achieved by the non-asshats, thus shall remain in effect until Saturday dawn. All those in favor?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I am so sorry for your loss Unsure.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> because they want redemption or they are simply bored.
> Oh yeah, they are also selfish.
> 
> My ex called the other day, I had been doing so well, and am now back to being an emotional wreck. I told him not to call me again because his calls make me unwell. He reply with "sorry to be such a burden to you, I was feeling lost and very vulnerable. I will not call you again."
> 
> But of course, I changed my tuned. Why is it that when he needs me I am always there, but I when I wanted to talk to him a few months ago he replied with "do not text me again, we are done, why can you not accept this, I have."
> 
> I know better than to be sad but cant help it....
> Even now, he is TT me.... before he said he had never emotionally cheated on me... now he says he has, he was tempted many times to have PA (before it was NEVER)....
> 
> 
> Oh the devastation is going to end one day. I know it.


Time to stop being sad and get PI$$ED! Who the hell does he think he is??


----------



## ne9907

I am watching "He is just not that into you"

I do love this movie...

Ways you know a man is about to dump you and the lines they feed you 
"I am so jealous of the man who gets to marry you" haha!!! So hilarious!!
"You deserve so much better"
"You are perfect, I need to work on myself"


----------



## 2galsmom

ne9907 said:


> I am watching "He is just not that into you"
> 
> I do love this movie...
> 
> Ways you know a man is about to dump you and the lines they feed you
> "I am so jealous of the man who gets to marry you" haha!!! So hilarious!!
> "You deserve so much better"
> "You are perfect, I need to work on myself"


Do you know what the most magical three words in the English language are?

1. Block 2. His 3. Phone

Just checking in on you ne9907 and now I am off . . .


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Do you know what the most magical three words in the English language are?
> 
> 1. Block 2. His 3. Phone
> 
> Just checking in on you ne9907 and now I am off . . .


hahaha!!!Gosh, you are freaking Awesome!!

One of these days I will get over my fear of driving in the LA area and go visit you 2gals!

Oh, I got a freaking ticket for running a red light... don't you all just hate cameras?? Sooo freaking nosy!!


----------



## Nsweet

I was having a bad day, until I say this picture. 

ownposters.com/images/n17fmdyzep567k7m.jpg

She looks so happy.:rofl: Genuine happiness.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

lisab0105 said:


> :bringiton: It's bring on the flirt at TAM today


Dang, I hope I haven't missed the party! Just now reading through everything from the last couple of days.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

unsure78 said:


> honest answer is im going to my grandmas wake in a few hours with my son... she passed this week
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unsure, very sorry for your loss. There is a (portion of) a beautiful poem that I love to share, and I am hopeful that it helps in some small way:

_A golden heart stopped beating, Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best._


----------



## whitehawk

Is there some reason why girls seem to really like me when l'm with my daughter.
Do any of you guys find that ?
I swear, there is no holding back any time we go anywhere together.
l've gotta get why ever it is into
a bottle for when i go out alone !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Is there some reason why girls seem to really like me when l'm with my daughter.
> Do any of you guys find that ?
> I swear, there is no holding back any time we go anywhere together.
> l've gotta get why ever it is into
> a bottle for when i go out alone !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because it shows you're a family man and maybe one day, you'll want to give them babies too. 

Some women just think it's nice when they see a guy being a dad...but most of the time, they think it's a homing device for single guy that's down for marriage and procreation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Is there some reason why girls seem to really like me when l'm with my daughter.
> Do any of you guys find that ?
> I swear, there is no holding back any time we go anywhere together.
> l've gotta get why ever it is into
> a bottle for when i go out alone !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Try paying exclusive attention to your daughter and absolutely ignoring all other outside influences. They go bonkers! It's crazy. 
Go to the grocery store with your daughter and spend extra time grazing in the produce, ignore everything else around other then your daughter for the most part. Don't worry about the women around you and gather all the items that would make a nice dinner.
The next time you go to the store by yourself the women that noticed you.....
Not that I do this on purpose it is just something I noticed.


----------



## brokeneric

Another Planet said:


> Try paying exclusive attention to your daughter and absolutely ignoring all other outside influences. They go bonkers! It's crazy.
> Go to the grocery store with your daughter and spend extra time grazing in the produce, ignore everything else around other then your daughter for the most part. Don't worry about the women around you and gather all the items that would make a nice dinner.
> The next time you go to the store by yourself the women that noticed you.....
> Not that I do this on purpose it is just something I noticed.


Nice idea dude. Thanx.


----------



## vi_bride04

Even though I don't want kids, seeing a guy be a good dad is a huge turn on, so I can't even imagine what it does to females who do! Lol


----------



## brokeneric

Another Planet said:


> Try paying exclusive attention to your daughter and absolutely ignoring all other outside influences. They go bonkers! It's crazy.
> Go to the grocery store with your daughter and spend extra time grazing in the produce, ignore everything else around other then your daughter for the most part. Don't worry about the women around you and gather all the items that would make a nice dinner.
> The next time you go to the store by yourself the women that noticed you.....
> Not that I do this on purpose it is just something I noticed.


One question: Does the above idea work with a son also? Or two kids together?


----------



## firebelly1

brokeneric said:


> One question: Does the above idea work with a son also? Or two kids together?


I think the important part is that you're interacting in a loving way with your child. That shows a woman who you are; how you do relationship in general. That's what's attractive.


----------



## Pbartender

brokeneric said:


> One question: Does the above idea work with a son also? Or two kids together?


Yes. It does.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

brokeneric said:


> Nice idea dude. Thanx.


Not really an idea, it sounds like you are implying I use it as a tactic. It is inadvertent and just an after the fact observation. This is just how I act with my daughter and well people in general that deserve my attention.
It just so happens that people seem to notice and respect how I act.



brokeneric said:


> One question: Does the above idea work with a son also? Or two kids together?


Again, sure if you want to treat it as a tactic but all I have to say is you should already be treating your children with love and respect so I don't see it as an issue.



firebelly1 said:


> I think the important part is that you're interacting in a loving way with your child. That shows a woman who you are; how you do relationship in general. That's what's attractive.


Yes this!



Pbartender said:


> Yes. It does.
> 
> :smthumbup:


I find it does run its course just like all other quick infatuations. 
LOL try being the only male chaperone on your preschoolers field trip. It was very interesting how I was placed into the alpha or lead role for the group by the other adults.


----------



## whitehawk

Uh hu. Women, they can be so fkg crazy beautiful sometimes can't they !
Here's a thought , my daughters really pretty to and has a very hi IQ which people
seem to spot even just looking at her,lucky theng she is. 
Maybe they think hmm, he makes nice babies.

Anyway that's a shame, we haven't been sep' long enough to go chatting anyone up in front of her yet she'd spot it in an instant,******!

Funny, l do love a single mum with her
kid too . I don't really get why l dunno.
sometimes they just look really cool.



w
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

That is true! 

Some women are so beautiful they make you lose your mind for a few seconds when you see them. And those are usually the ones who absolutely hate their bodies and do a bunch of crazy things like fad diets and endless cardio to feel good about themselves. 

That's why I strongly believe if you think a woman is beautiful you should tell her. So long as you do it in a respectful and mature way and aren't shouting out vulgar suggestions about her sexual parts or drunk and disgusting, she will like it. You have to have tact though. And realize that if you say something stupid it can get you in trouble. 

Even if you awkwardly stumble over your words in telling her how you think she has striking eyes or how she looks really good in something (she probably spent hours picking out), you tell her and then go about your day. After you say it you'll feel better about not having any regrets, she'll feel better someone finally noticed, and you can go about your day without wishing things turned out differently.


----------



## whitehawk

brokeneric said:


> One question: Does the above idea work with a son also? Or two kids together?


lt's probably the same, maybe even more so because most women have a real soft spot for the sons just like the guys do for the daughters.


----------



## whitehawk

Funny you should talk about that ns.
There was 2 yesterday and one was this sorta Marylin Monro blonde , really nice skin and face, eyes. But she was way over weight which l don't normally get into much but her , she was just one of these girls that it somehow made her look even nicer, she's stuck in my head bad.
Hope l see her again over there one day umm , when l'm alone


----------



## vi_bride04

Enjoying myself tonight. Got Pandora streaming, splurging a bit with some wine, tater tots and a frozen pizza. Doing dishes and getting things ready to cook some chili tomorrow crock pot style.

Anyone having a sexy Saturday? Or a solo Saturday like myself, lol


----------



## jpr

Mmmmmm....tater tots.

I am packing. I am flying out tomorrow to attend a funeral. One of my hat's relatives died...so, I am flying to be there for him at the funeral. I am meeting his entire family.


----------



## Another Planet

Solo Sat here. Catching up on paperwork and spending time with kids. Kids went to breakfast and a movie with their aunt this morning and then my daughter and I went to my friends daughters Bday party. Nothing to exciting just going to work AGAIN in the AM...
It's all good though. I am really feeling getting my life back together for myself and I don't need extra distractions...Boring I know lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Boring but satisfying!


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Boring but satisfying!


You talking about masturbation or married sex?
:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> You talking about masturbation or married sex?
> :rofl:


Lol neither...just a feeling of accomplishment taking care of things for yourself


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Lol neither...just a feeling of accomplishment taking care of things for yourself


Gitcha!.... Masturbation it is.:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Ha ha ha...hmmm...maybe I will light some candles and have my way with myself


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Ha ha ha...hmmm...maybe I will light some candles and have my way with myself


...And search Nudevista too.:smthumbup:


----------



## brokeneric

Got a date for V day .


----------



## unsure78

So in an kinda unexpected twist SA has dropped off the face of the earth pretty much starting on my bday... said he was sick but then heard nothing yesterday, I only texted him once when he didn't respond I refuse to change chase him down... ah fresh meat, well the sex wasn't that good anyway and I'm really not hurt, wasn't attached enough... lol either I'm toughening up or have just learned to expect asshattery
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah right, "Sick"... I've heard that one before. It's right up there with "just been sleeping", car crashes without injuries, and immediate deaths in the family, in top excuses losers tell you rather than honorably breaking up with you. I don't want to add insult to injury here Unsure, but a lot of times when I heard these phrases there was someone else in the picture and they were cheating. It doesn't really matter with quick draw hat, but you may want to remember these for the future. 

These aren't exactly lines cheaters say, they're just really dumb excuses you will hear from people who don't want to talk to you or accept contact from you in any form. Just bullsh!t lines too! If you ever hear them say they need time off to sleep in, or they tell you about someone dying in their family and they seem ok with it, you better have you BS detector up because it could be their way or brushing you off for a while.

When someone goes from blowing up your phone with text messages to avoiding you a month later.... You got dumped.


----------



## vi_bride04

Even after getting those naughty pics!? Come on, SA wtf! Hopefully its nothing more than not feeling well, but sounds like you are done with him anyways.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Even after getting those naughty pics!? Come on, SA wtf! Hopefully its nothing more than not feeling well, but sounds like you are done with him anyways.


There are situations even really hot porn can't fix.


----------



## unsure78

Its ok guys, really I was pretty cautious about him, I almost expected it to happen at some point, fresh D meat..im not crying a river here... truthfully the bday email from the engy hurt waaaaaaay more than this did.... which btw I never responded to an deleted yesterday after my gmas funeral
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

brokeneric said:


> Got a date for V day .


Screw valentines day! Bahumbug


----------



## unsure78

Lol I have a bunch of movies he left for me to watch from his movie collection here... including the entire lord of the rings set...hahah guess hes not getting them back...that what you get for being a *****...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Lol I have a bunch of movies he left for me to watch from his movie collection here... including the entire lord of the rings set...hahah guess hes not getting them back...that what you get for being a *****...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair trade for the pics, wouldn't you say? Lol 

Just seems like he could at least say "this isn't working out".


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Fair trade for the pics, wouldn't you say? Lol
> 
> Just seems like he could at least say "this isn't working out".


Guys that are fresh from divorce struggle to say those words..... Their feelings are all over the place.

That's a big reason why I have been slow and calculating with my gf. I haven't trusted my own feelings.


----------



## Ikaika

brokeneric said:


> Got a date for V day .



Is it someone we know


----------



## brokeneric

drerio said:


> Is it someone we know


I don't think she is a TAMer. But she is a brunette version of lisab0105's profile pic. Really gorgeous.:smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

brokeneric said:


> I don't think she is a TAMer. But she is a brunette version of lisab0105's profile pic. Really gorgeous.:smthumbup:



Awesome, have a great time.


----------



## brokeneric

Thanks.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Fair trade for the pics, wouldn't you say? Lol
> 
> Just seems like he could at least say "this isn't working out".


Hahahahah
The way im viewing it is that he was just another lesson for me to learn and understanding of the way I would require to be treated in a relationship.... and practice for me in letting go, without going crazy.. it was still a descent experiance
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

it was just sudden cause on on wed he was offering to come to my gmas wake, by friday he stared getting scarce, sat non exsitent


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So I have to update -

Nieither BFF Hat nor I have had the guts to have 'the talk' and evenings end in long hugs. A few times I kissed his cheek as an "OK" sign to go for more but nothing had transpired. So I did the chicken thing and sent an email. 

I said that we hadn't talked and maybe the email would open the door to a discussion; I'd sensed things had changed but maybe I was reading too much into his comments, etc. so wanted a 'gut check'. 

His reply was basically that it was scary how I could read his mind/end his sentences and he didn't need to "date" me after all these years to know me. But that he didn't want a weekend only relationship nor did he want to move to my area plus he felt he would get the next promotion to manager which could mean a big move and therefore he didn't want to make me and kiddo move to his house/out of her school district.

Know what I noticed? Everything he said was logistics. Who moves where, who gives up what, whether a 'long distance' relationship would work (BTW he lives about 40 minutes away)... not a word about FEELINGS. This is all about practical issues. Maybe he is a man who doesn't discuss his feelings but dayum.

I have my answer. I haven't let myself get swept up because I was gauging where this was going because there were some things I was willing to conceded on since we are 95% compatible in every way. BUT I'm too young to not have passion, spark, playfulness, etc. 

So I'm going to do what every TAMer knows to do - work on myself. Not to "get" someone else. But to be a better me and feel happier in my life in general - not that I'm UNhappy. But more to step aside to get perspective.

So I have an appointment with a medical weight loss place. The combine appetite suppressing drugs with nutrition counseling - more or less accountability. I'd do WW except it's my real hunger pangs that kill me. 

So my new year resolution was to focus more energy on cultivating positive relationships with good (i.e. non-toxic) friends because I'm seeing some sides of girl BFF that give me pause to think and I want to have a good circle of friends who reflect MY values that make me feel good about knowing them...

Between getting my weight back where I want it to be, going to gym with kiddo (now that she's out of gymnastics) and focusing on good friends, I think that is the right move for me. Getting laid wouldn't hurt but I don't want a ONS - I'd at least like it to be someone I enjoy OUT of bed, too... I'll see my guy friend still but keeping with the just friends thing and not getting together as often because he was taking up all of my time I'm not with kiddo.

Feeling tipsy (Sunday morning screwdrivers) and happy and oddly really relieved and positive and only a tiny bit sad because he was perfect in every way except the romance dept.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> it was just sudden cause on on wed he was offering to come to my gmas wake, by friday he stared getting scarce, sat non exsitent


That's pretty normal, unsure. I did the same to my rebound.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Side note: SHELDON KISSES AMY!!!!!!

LOL


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Unsure, Sorry about your grandma.  I hope you have lots of happy memories to sustain you.


----------



## Ikaika

Enjoli, 

Start your own thread in the HL group. Let us help you stay accountable on your goals.


----------



## lisab0105

brokeneric said:


> I don't think she is a TAMer. But she is a brunette version of lisab0105's profile pic. Really gorgeous.:smthumbup:


You have good taste!! Just kidding...have fun!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> it was just sudden cause on on wed he was offering to come to my gmas wake, by friday he stared getting scarce, sat non exsitent


That is a little odd. 

Is it possible that either you or him were taking things a bit too fast? 

I've noticed that when some people take steps in the relationship too fast the other person will go along with them, but they start cooling off and backing away from the pursuer. You may not think you're doing anything wrong, and they probably wont tell you, but it all come down to push/pull and the chase. 

When you sense that person is backing away and losing interest, you stop chasing them completely. You back off and give them a chance to miss you. And when they are giving you too much attention and everything seems perfect sometimes you have to take it down a notch or go completely back to square one afterwards. This is the 180 as it relates to dating. 

Also you never want to completely satisfy a person too quick into a relationship or for too long or they get their fill of you and grow bored. Think of dating someone like the foreplay and commitment like sex. You want to enjoy the foreplay for as long as you can and only give them a taste of really good sex. Always leave them wanting more of you with total satisfaction almost within reach.


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> A few times I kissed his cheek as an "OK" sign to go for more but nothing had transpired.


This may be picking nits, but...

I, for one, would never interpret a kiss on the cheek as a "Go Ahead" sign. If anything, most guys would probably take it as a sign to "Hold It Right There, Go No Farther".

My mom and my sisters kiss me on the cheek. Women who want to be my girlfriend don't.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> This may be picking nits, but...
> 
> I, for one, would never interpret a kiss on the cheek as a "Go Ahead" sign. If anything, most guys would probably take it as a sign to "Hold It Right There, Go No Farther".
> 
> My mom and my sisters kiss me on the cheek. Women who want to be my girlfriend don't.


Well, considering that in 6 years of friendship, aside from 2 days of sex a couple years ago, we've never kissed hello, goodbye or any other time... I thought this gesture of affection might mean something.  It was a toe in the water and now I think I have my answer because even if he wants a relationship, he wants a practical pairing with minimum affection plus sex. And even the sex is ... not particularly passionate.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hope you all had a great weekend! I'll have to catch up on the stories when I get a little more time.


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, considering that in 6 years of friendship, aside from 2 days of sex a couple years ago, we've never kissed hello, goodbye or any other time... I thought this gesture of affection might mean something.  It was a toe in the water and now I think I have my answer because even if he wants a relationship, he wants a practical pairing with minimum affection plus sex. And even the sex is ... not particularly passionate.


2 days of sex?! Not to sure I could do that and not pursue a relationship.
It sounds really awkward. I would probably throw in the towel if I were you, to much work. If I don't click with someone enough for the obvious path to be followed we are probably forcing it which is never good.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> 2 days of sex?! Not to sure I could do that and not pursue a relationship.
> It sounds really awkward. I would probably throw in the towel if I were you, to much work. If I don't click with someone enough for the obvious path to be followed we are probably forcing it which is never good.


:iagree:

If I have sex with a woman for 2 days and 2 days only, and then after that I don't try to kiss her or pursue anything romantic or sexual with her..... I'm not into her, and she's just a friend. No amount cheek kisses or intimate conversation will change my mind if there is something I see in her that I don't want in a relationship.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> i didn't email the one who broke my heart.back... be proud i didn't break NC
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





unsure78 said:


> mine did it because hes selfish.. he wants me as a friend, cause im the only person he could tell anything too.... so he wants to be able to have me in the capacity he most values without having to commit to me... he knows how incredibly bad i was hurt by his actions after our breakup... i was in a bad mental state, even worse than during my exh cheating and divorce... but hes clearly not taking that into his thought processs...
> 
> last contact we had( before today) was... have you found yourself a big stud that treats you like a princess, so we can be friends? lol selfish much
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





lisab0105 said:


> What an @sshat


I second the Asshattery. You did great not responding to the e-mail Unsure, you've come a long way in the last year alone. While it's been a difficult week for you, the simple fact you didn't give into this with everything that's on your plate speaks volumes.

So very proud of you and when you look in the mirror, I hope you feel it too.


----------



## 06Daddio08

brokeneric said:


> I don't think she is a TAMer. But she is a brunette version of lisab0105's profile pic. Really gorgeous.:smthumbup:


Although I'm not complaining by any means ... a redheaded version would put me on the moon. Bahaha. :rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Although I'm not complaining by any means ... a red headed version would put me on the moon. Bahaha. :rofl:


I've been all 3 haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> I've been all 3 haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have a soft spot for redheads.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I have a soft spot for redheads.


Be careful saying that around redheads. Once they know you have a weakness it's all over.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I have a weakness for blondes, but I'm meeting a redhead for coffee tomorrow!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I have a weakness for men with green/blue eyes

reading about kissing in the cheek brought back a memory,
Have a question for the men. On what instance would you kiss your SO on the forehead?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> 2 days of sex?! Not to sure I could do that and not pursue a relationship.
> It sounds really awkward. I would probably throw in the towel if I were you, to much work. If I don't click with someone enough for the obvious path to be followed we are probably forcing it which is never good.



Yep this is exactly my thinking. Maybe l'm just patient enough to not waste time on just anyone , maybe l get lucky or maybe l just have good taste but , it's always been obvious with me, even before we got together . That's really the only sort that interest me.

Mind you , bit concerned these days , not much out there , that l'd go for l mean , hooley dooley , fkg scary .

But l have taken some solace in the fact that even though l've been basically living like a munk , l've still managed to see 3 or 4 girls in this time l would seriously go for.
So really , in say 6-12 mths , that's all l would've been interested in back when anyway. So maybe things aren't as bad as l think and considering the area live in now , not bad going at all really.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I have a weakness for men with green/blue eyes
> 
> reading about kissing in the cheek brought back a memory,
> Have a question for the men. On what instance would you kiss your SO on the forehead?


Man kissing woman on forehead means she is under his umbrella of protection. I don't know what it means when woman kisses man on forehead.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I have a weakness for men with green/blue eyes
> 
> reading about kissing in the cheek brought back a memory,
> Have a question for the men. On what instance would you kiss your SO on the forehead?



For me maybe 2 situations.
My mum :rofl: , or in some really familiar like wife , daughter , something like that and in just some everyday goodbye sense - like ya do when your just going down the shop or racing out for something , or sayin goodbye to your d.

ln a date sense , not a good sign . lt'd probably mean he's not into you , he's looking for the door but he feels obligated to at least throw of something to get outa there. lt'd be an excuse peck.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Have a question for the men. On what instance would you kiss your SO on the forehead?


When she's sick, tired, PMSing, depressed, otherwise situations when she's not feeling good and a kiss on the lips would send the wrong message. 

A kiss on the forehead says "I'm going to take care of you honey, everything will be alright". 

It is the sweetest kiss a man can give a woman without anything that might be considered sexually suggestive behind it.


----------



## whitehawk

TheGoodGuy said:


> I have a weakness for blondes, but I'm meeting a redhead for coffee tomorrow!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



lt's funny , l've always been into blondes and every time l think of someone different , some blonde comes along that really knocks my socks off.
That's the difference , l'm just gonna have to accept it l think. 
ps , and l loveee red heads to , you lucky theng you !


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> I have a soft spot for redheads.



Me too :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> I've been all 3 haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Did you notice any differences around guys ?


----------



## ne9907

Oh WOW!!! Just now watching last season's last episode of Walking Dead.... oh wow... Please don't spoil premiere


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Love walking dead!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Oh WOW!!! Just now watching last season's last episode of Walking Dead.... oh wow... Please don't spoil premiere


Spoiler alert: They make it to the suburbs and find some racist ass zombies. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xyhVO-SWfM

No, not really.:rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Did you notice any differences around guys ?


I was told I was beautiful more as a blonde, but I feel prettier as a brunette or auburn. I think I look washed out as a blonde. It's not really a good look for me. Guys weren't telling me that because my skin tone and blonde hair meshed amazing together or anything...it was just the blonde hair on top of my head.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric

lisab0105 said:


> I've been all 3 haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would have liked the TAM one.


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> Oh WOW!!! Just now watching last season's last episode of Walking Dead.... oh wow... Please don't spoil premiere


Waiting these two months was like being 7 years old waiting for Christmas...except San ta is really Rick and he kills zombies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> I was told I was beautiful more as a blonde, but I feel prettier as a brunette or auburn. I think I look washed out as a blonde. It's not really a good look for me. Guys weren't telling me that because my skin tone and blonde hair meshed amazing together or anything...it was just the blonde hair on top of my head.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah blonde does have that effect , for some reason people just see the blonde , even in a crowd .
l know about blonde because l had white blonde hair until 19 and then it went dirty brown blonde from there.
Yet when l see people l haven't seen since l was a kid , the first thing mentioned is the hair every time. l feel like saying for fk sake , l hated it .
Great for girls l guess , some.

My most fav actresses was Liz Talor when she was younger , l mean how stunning was she because of that dark hair , fair skin and Lucy Lui , dark again. Weird really because my fav's always been blonde or redhead.


----------



## Dollystanford

I've also been all three but I have to say, the v dark hair/blue eye combination has been the winner 

Men? No hair and green eyes thanks


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l could see why the dark , dark hair is stunning on a women.

The smooth look and green eyes hey , yeah that can look really good on guys. l was smooth for 3 or 4yrs , loved it for just my kind of maintenance haha.
My eyes are blue but l always wanted dark eyes .
My d's got these grey eyes going on, God they can mesmerize but sometimes they do go blueish so he'll get a choice


----------



## Chuck71

I would love to comment but......I have MPB.....

one day.......a scientist will unlock the secret of HRT

produce a pill for hair regrowth w/o female side effects

and be a billionaire within a week

until that time, I say I am a Kojack double


----------



## 06Daddio08

I've now been a bigger guy twice and a more in shape guy twice as well. Now there is a huge difference in how one is treated depending on their size, that's for sure. I get a lot more respect now, then again I'm sure it's also because of the way I present myself as well.

One thing that hasn't changed, no matter how I look ... always called "Big Guy". Sigh. Rofl.


----------



## lisab0105

Okay great, so it's been fun. If I'm not banned today (which is likely) I'll be taking a sabbatical from TAM. I just can't with some people. Xoxo for now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Okay great, so it's been fun. If I'm not banned today (which is likely) I'll be taking a sabbatical from TAM. I just can't with some people. Xoxo for now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha. Don't be a stranger.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> I've now been a bigger guy twice and a more in shape guy twice as well. Now there is a huge difference in how one is treated depending on their size, that's for sure. I get a lot more respect now, then again I'm sure it's also because of the way I present myself as well.
> 
> One thing that hasn't changed, no matter how I look ... always called "Big Guy". Sigh. Rofl.



When you say big , what a bit of muscle or just sorta heavy or doesn't it matter ?

l was tall but a bit too lean when l was younger and often copped a bit of [email protected] .


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> Okay great, so it's been fun. If I'm not banned today (which is likely) I'll be taking a sabbatical from TAM. I just can't with some people. Xoxo for now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



haha , yeah for once l haven't been kicked outa somewhere , school included :rofl: Quite proud of myself !


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> When you say big , what a bit of muscle or just sorta heavy or doesn't it matter ?
> 
> l was tall but a bit too lean when l was younger and often copped a bit of [email protected] .


I was a fatty. Lol.


----------



## whitehawk

Last night l took another look at my new date site after basically giving up already after the last time.
l'm quite encouraged . They've got a whole bunch of new people already and it's looking much better. And one l really liked from a few mths ago when l was a free member , popped up again.
Of course this means whomever she started seeing imploded but hey , one mans poison and all that stuff . 

l'm gonna send her something tomorrow, just as soon as l figure out what. Gets weird when you actually give a [email protected] doesn't it, it becomes a thing !


----------



## Another Planet

Match.com just got me again on the auto renew :/ I wasn't going to sign back up but I guess I am a premium member for another 6months...
Oh well maybe I can figure something else out with it, maybe a different avenue on online dating? I haven't talked to anyone from there in a couple weeks now I think. 

Honestly every day that goes by that I am single makes me want to stay single that much more  My life is too busy right now and I am really enjoying being able to spend time with my kids and working on rebuilding my life and business, kind of don't feel like being distracted right now by someone else.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Personally I prefer someone a bit thicker. I like a football player's build. I like a little stocky, some muscle under there. Usually means nice legs and butt. I like the weight of a guy's body when he's on top.

I'm not saying anyone should let themselves go but a six-pack is not required and a little muscle under it is nice. Everyone has a different 'type'. 

Then again I've dated the tall, thin muscular type, the average build and the broad heftier build. Hair and no hair. I don't think I have a "type" - if I like him I just do.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> 2 days of sex?! Not to sure I could do that and not pursue a relationship.
> It sounds really awkward. I would probably throw in the towel if I were you, to much work. If I don't click with someone enough for the obvious path to be followed we are probably forcing it which is never good.





Nsweet said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If I have sex with a woman for 2 days and 2 days only, and then after that I don't try to kiss her or pursue anything romantic or sexual with her..... I'm not into her, and she's just a friend. No amount cheek kisses or intimate conversation will change my mind if there is something I see in her that I don't want in a relationship.


Good insight... He seems to want to move forward but it's logistics keeping him away. He broke it off one week after that weekend and it was because of logistics - didn't want to mess up what I had going with kiddo/didn't want to make her have to move, etc. But he broke it off without discussing WHY back then. I'm only just now now finding out why. I don't like that he made the decision to break it off 3 years ago without explaining why he felt we should just be friends. Making unilateral decisions isn't conducive to a relationship and did he think I was going to make a decision that was wrong for me and kiddo??? I think he's been alone so long that he's forgotten how it works with a couple - you talk and figure it out together. 

But since I'm on the fence about the whole spark and the lack of french kissing/oral I think I can do better! I'm a good giver so why not receive?


----------



## brokeneric

EnjoliWoman said:


> Personally I prefer someone a bit thicker. I like a football player's build. I like a little stocky, some muscle under there. Usually means nice legs and butt. I like the weight of a guy's body when he's on top.
> 
> I'm not saying anyone should let themselves go but a six-pack is not required and a little muscle under it is nice. Everyone has a different 'type'.
> 
> Then again I've dated the tall, thin muscular type, the average build and the broad heftier build. Hair and no hair. I don't think I have a "type" - if I like him I just do.


I am build like boxer . Persistent, am I not?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> Personally I prefer someone a bit thicker. I like a football player's build. I like a little stocky, some muscle under there. Usually means nice legs and butt. I like the weight of a guy's body when he's on top.


Me too, I have always preferred bigger guys! :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm all about the beefcake and always have been
I like a man who can chuck you around the room a bit 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

What if you ladies can't find a tall muscular slightly chubby guy with linebacker/boxer's build who can give you some good good lovin. What then? 

*Answer: *You take whatever you can get in a man and just start feeding him. For better results you can him a barbell set and big screen TV. In 2 years time he should put on about 40lbs and be addicted to your love, and cookies. Love and cookies.:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I'm all about the beefcake and always have been
> I like a man who can chuck you around the room a bit
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is why guys should get into "heavy lifting". Because 110lb brides tend to grow on you.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Dollystanford said:


> I'm all about the beefcake and always have been
> I like a man who can chuck you around the room a bit
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A little heft behind the thrust is a good thing, is it not?


----------



## brokeneric

Nsweet said:


> What if you ladies can't find a tall muscular slightly chubby guy with linebacker/boxer's build who can give you some good good lovin. What then?
> 
> *Answer: *You take whatever you can get in a man and just start feeding him. For better results you can him a barbell set and big screen TV. In 2 years time he should put on about 40lbs and be addicted to your love, and cookies. Love and cookies.:rofl:


Now where can I find such a women?


----------



## Ikaika

brokeneric said:


> I am build like boxer . Persistent, am I not?


I have always had the swimmer/surfer body. But, that fits me just fine, since that is what I am, a waterman all the way


----------



## FeministInPink

brokeneric said:


> Now where can I find such a women?


It seems to me that there's a whole gaggle of them right here


----------



## vi_bride04

brokeneric said:


> Now where can I find such a women?


I got the big screen and can cook! Just need a man with a barbell set! LOL


----------



## Nsweet

brokeneric said:


> Now where can I find such a women?


Follow ridiculously beautiful women into a gym and look for the one woman who actually squats and deadlifts. You'll know her when you see her because her butt will be the best one there.:smthumbup:

Wait. Did you mean women who will feed you and let you watch tv? There's divorced women right here! Divorced women who have let go of that newlywed fantasy and will accept you as you are.... Some minimal b!tching may be required.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

You guys are cracking me up. It is interesting. When I was down around 185, I got attention. Now, that I'm about 205 after eating enough organic red meat to last a lifetime and heavy Oly lifting in crossfit.........the attention is downright obnoxious. Seriously. LOL


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> You guys are cracking me up. It is interesting. When I was down around 185, I got attention. Now, that I'm about 205 after eating enough organic red meat to last a lifetime and heavy Oly lifting in crossfit.........the attention is downright obnoxious. Seriously. LOL


When I was a really fat teenager and lost about half the weight when I started lifting, I got all the wrong attention from big gay men and bar fly cougars. 20lbs later it was more girls my age and hotter looking cougars, some gay twinks too. When I lost all but the last 10lbs and got really skinny and muscular looking with long hair college girls started catcalling me from cars when I was waiting for crosswalks......... I gotta get back to that stage.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> When I was a really fat teenager and lost about half the weight when I started lifting, I got all the wrong attention from big gay men and bar fly cougars. 20lbs later it was more girls my age and hotter looking cougars, some gay twinks too. When I lost all but the last 10lbs and got really skinny and muscular looking with long hair college girls started catcalling me from cars when I was waiting for crosswalks......... I gotta get back to that stage.


LOL. I know. I lost an inch on the waist going from 185 to 205. When I go to work events, I literally have good looking coworkers walk up and grab my arms and literally go, "OMG, your arms are amazing." (as they are grabbing them) 

I just laugh. It is non age descriminatory too. From the 26 year old manager to the 44 year old director. Hilarious.


----------



## brokeneric

vi_bride04 said:


> I got the big screen and can cook! Just need a man with a barbell set! LOL


I have, I have!


----------



## Another Planet

You guys are depressing me :/ also triggering me cause OM was on the heavy side.

I have an issue with weight also...just in the OPPOSITE direction. Complaining about being skinny, I know sounds stupid right. 
Well at my heaviest I was 210lbs ripped, I spent a lot of money on weight gainers and protein shakes and just a ton of food. And just a ton of time hitting the heavy weights. I looked good at the time but man that was a lot of hard work just to get there. A LOT of hard work and seriously living and breathing working out.
Now I sit at about 170ish


----------



## Another Planet

How do you say "got your **** together and have experienced married and kid life already" with out sounding like a jerk? lol I decided to update my Match profile.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> You guys are depressing me :/ also triggering me cause OM was on the heavy side.
> 
> I have an issue with weight also...just in the OPPOSITE direction. Complaining about being skinny, I know sounds stupid right.
> Well at my heaviest I was 210lbs ripped, I spent a lot of money on weight gainers and protein shakes and just a ton of food. And just a ton of time hitting the heavy weights. I looked good at the time but man that was a lot of hard work just to get there. A LOT of hard work and seriously living and breathing working out.
> Now I sit at about 170ish


AP, don't get down on yourself -- there are women who love the lean look as well. All the men in my family are tall and lean, and they have wives who adore their men tall and lean (though they wouldn't mind if their men were a little LESS tall! LOL). It's more about who you are than your body type.

I'm with some of the other ladies here, I've always liked a guy with a little meat on his bones, but I would never dismiss a great guy because he didn't look like that. 

(In fact, now that I'm divorced, I'm veering AWAY from the lumberjack type... my ex was the lumberjack type, and he turned out to be a douche canoe.)


----------



## brokeneric

Another Planet said:


> You guys are depressing me :/ also triggering me cause OM was on the heavy side.
> 
> I have an issue with weight also...just in the OPPOSITE direction. Complaining about being skinny, I know sounds stupid right.
> Well at my heaviest I was 210lbs ripped, I spent a lot of money on weight gainers and protein shakes and just a ton of food. And just a ton of time hitting the heavy weights. I looked good at the time but man that was a lot of hard work just to get there. A LOT of hard work and seriously living and breathing working out.
> Now I sit at about 170ish


Opposites attract. As far as my knowledge large build women like skinny guys. Ladies can correct me if I am wrong.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> You guys are depressing me :/ also triggering me cause OM was on the heavy side.
> 
> I have an issue with weight also...just in the OPPOSITE direction. Complaining about being skinny, I know sounds stupid right.
> Well at my heaviest I was 210lbs ripped, I spent a lot of money on weight gainers and protein shakes and just a ton of food. And just a ton of time hitting the heavy weights. I looked good at the time but man that was a lot of hard work just to get there. A LOT of hard work and seriously living and breathing working out.
> Now I sit at about 170ish


I seriously doubt you were "ripped" at 210lbs. Maybe you looked muscular under all that fat, but "ripped".... Come on! The only men who looked "ripped" at that weight are heavy steroid users leaning out. 

Normal non-gear using men who train naturally, and who don't buy into the workouts peddled by roided up guys in magazines, they never break 180 or 190 at 10% body fat or less. And I'm talking men who have at least a 4-pack and who can do pullups and squat properly. 

There's a common misconception you see when guys start lifting weights where they think they're gaining more muscle than they really are. A lot of that is water and you may get 5-10lbs of dry muscle a year, but anything over 2lbs a month isn't muscle. You are capable of gaining more, but the conditions to keep that weight are pretty rough. You would have to get into some serious poundage while trying to preserve your joints for life.


----------



## unsure78

hey guys still having my little pity party for myself here.. and just lonley


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I seriously doubt you were "ripped" at 210lbs. Maybe you looked muscular under all that fat, but "ripped".... Come on! The only men who looked "ripped" at that weight are heavy steroid users leaning out.
> 
> Normal non-gear using men who train naturally, and who don't buy into the workouts peddled by roided up guys in magazines, they never break 180 or 190 at 10% body fat or less. And I'm talking men who have at least a 4-pack and who can do pullups and squat properly.
> 
> There's a common misconception you see when guys start lifting weights where they think they're gaining more muscle than they really are. A lot of that is water and you may get 5-10lbs of dry muscle a year, but anything over 2lbs a month isn't muscle. You are capable of gaining more, but the conditions to keep that weight are pretty rough. You would have to get into some serious poundage while trying to preserve your joints for life.


Nsweet i just dated two of them that were 210 + no steroids, i would call them ripped...they just worked out constantly


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> hey guys still having my little pity party for myself here.. and just lonley


Can I join you?

I'm not really feeling pity though, just anger and bitterness. I feel destructive. 

I think I would rather be feeling lonely and sad.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Can I join you?
> 
> I'm not really feeling pity though, just anger and bitterness. I feel destructive.
> 
> I think I would rather be feeling lonely and sad.


ill trade you i would rather take anger..

just too much going on at once.. overwhelming... i basically just vented at my therapist for an hour about my mom.. not even anything else going on

i need to figure out something else to make my life better...


----------



## brokeneric

vi_bride04 said:


> Can I join you?
> 
> I'm not really feeling pity though, just anger and bitterness. I feel destructive.
> 
> I think I would rather be feeling lonely and sad.


What ails you my lady?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> hey guys still having my little pity party for myself here.. and just lonley


I am "partying" right along with you, Unsure.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> I seriously doubt you were "ripped" at 210lbs. Maybe you looked muscular under all that fat, but "ripped".... Come on! The only men who looked "ripped" at that weight are heavy steroid users leaning out.
> 
> Normal non-gear using men who train naturally, and who don't buy into the workouts peddled by roided up guys in magazines, they never break 180 or 190 at 10% body fat or less. And I'm talking men who have at least a 4-pack and who can do pullups and squat properly.
> 
> There's a common misconception you see when guys start lifting weights where they think they're gaining more muscle than they really are. A lot of that is water and you may get 5-10lbs of dry muscle a year, but anything over 2lbs a month isn't muscle. You are capable of gaining more, but the conditions to keep that weight are pretty rough. You would have to get into some serious poundage while trying to preserve your joints for life.


I weighed 215 in college when I played football. I was ripped. It's possible. I worked out ALL THE TIME and had access to the meal plan provided by the athletic dept plus supplements. It's definitely possible.

I've also seen it in the crossfit community. The competitions feature some "freaks".


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I am "partying" right along with you, Unsure.


ah when it rains it pours around here...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> ill trade you i would rather take anger..
> 
> just too much going on at once.. overwhelming... i basically just vented at my therapist for an hour about my mom.. not even anything else going on
> 
> i need to figure out something else to make my life better...


Mind, body, soul...unsure. Feed each every day and slowly, but surely, you will turn around one day and just go "Whoa.....I feel amazing."


----------



## vi_bride04

brokeneric said:


> What ails you my lady?


Just p!ssed off about things I can't control. 

Seeing people in relationships just totally take each other for granted and treat each other like sh!t or borderline abusive

Friends that really don't treat me like friends unless its convenient for them to talk to me when they want to. People who don't respect me as a person and use me emotionally. People that have shown me this side before and yet I let myself down by letting them in my life

Falling off the wagon diet wise way more than I wanted to this weekend

Seeing the greed in the world and how its better to keep making profits than to warn people of any health dangers

Being divorced and dealing with anything emotional on my own without any support system besides maybe an online friend or two and my dogs

Just got a big ole "F* YOU WORLD!!!" attitude today


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Just p!ssed off about things I can't control.
> 
> Seeing people in relationships just totally take each other for granted and treat each other like sh!t or borderline abusive
> 
> Friends that really don't treat me like friends unless its convenient for them to talk to me when they want to. People who don't respect me as a person and use me emotionally. People that have shown me this side before and yet I let myself down by letting them in my life
> 
> Falling off the wagon diet wise way more than I wanted to this weekend
> 
> Seeing the greed in the world and how its better to keep making profits than to warn people of any health dangers
> 
> Being divorced and dealing with anything emotional on my own without any support system besides maybe an online friend or two and my dogs
> 
> Just got a big ole "F* YOU WORLD!!!" attitude today


VB, whenever you're having one of those days, just remember: 










This applies to our daily experiences, not just the long-term one. Tomorrow will be better. Just get through today.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Case of the Mondays going around. On a positive note, my ex is moving back to the city so I'll save a bit in gas driving the kids to and from there.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Mind, body, soul...unsure. Feed each every day and slowly, but surely, you will turn around one day and just go "Whoa.....I feel amazing."


thanks D2H... i just need to figure out what i can change to make it there

the recent barrage of events has knocked me off, though the truth is i think i still haven't recovered fully from the engy (as evident by my breakdown when receiving his 2 sentence bday email)

I need to figure out a new plan...


----------



## vi_bride04

Yeah the universe can f*ck off right now


----------



## brokeneric

vi_bride04 said:


> Just p!ssed off about things I can't control.
> 
> Seeing people in relationships just totally take each other for granted and treat each other like sh!t or borderline abusive
> 
> Friends that really don't treat me like friends unless its convenient for them to talk to me when they want to. People who don't respect me as a person and use me emotionally. People that have shown me this side before and yet I let myself down by letting them in my life
> 
> Falling off the wagon diet wise way more than I wanted to this weekend
> 
> Seeing the greed in the world and how its better to keep making profits than to warn people of any health dangers
> 
> Being divorced and dealing with anything emotional on my own without any support system besides maybe an online friend or two and my dogs
> 
> Just got a big ole "F* YOU WORLD!!!" attitude today


You can't control others. You can control yourself. 

You can cook. I got barbells. What about you cook for me and I lend you my barbells? What say you. We could talk also. If you want.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I need to figure out a new plan...


Firstly, a lot has been tossed on your plate, it will take time to recover. Naturally.

Secondly (and I've been sayin this to you for a while  ), stop dating for a while.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Firstly, a lot has been tossed on your plate, it will take time to recover. Naturally.
> 
> Secondly (and I've been sayin this to you for a while  ), stop dating for a while.


lol..SA was the least of my issues seriously (i didnt shed a tear for him)... he didn't have my heart... i actually enjoy dating, i dont mind meeting new people, i like what i get to experience and what i learn from others ... i am more likely to get out of the house and go on a date than i am to meet up with friends..


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> thanks D2H... i just need to figure out what i can change to make it there
> 
> the recent barrage of events has knocked me off, though the truth is i think i still haven't recovered fully from the engy (as evident by my breakdown when receiving his 2 sentence bday email)
> 
> I need to figure out a new plan...


Well, it's simple. What are you doing today to make your body healthy? ( 1 thing) What are you doing today to sharpen your mind? What are you doing today to fill your soul? 

My example: I am going to crossfit tonight after work for my body. I am reading a chapter of a book "The heart of mentorship" to sharpen my mind. (did this morning) I am going to see an old friend after crossfit/dinner for a cigar on his porch and catch up for my soul. 

Get a structure, and execute, execute, execute.


----------



## unsure78

sharpen my mind... that I always have taken care off, my job is intellectual to a high degree, i often read shelf help, read here obviously, go to therapy...

soul... i have a fair friend base that i have reached out to talk with during this time

body... this is where i lack very much... sad to say but true because i look the way i do naturally, i dont need to do much for it and i eat like crap... this is the area i need improvements on

my free time is limited as i have my young son with me all but 4 days a month....this has been my struggle to find time to bring more fitness into my life... i already leave work early everyday to get him from the bus and be there for him after school


----------



## 06Daddio08

Exercise the body not just for the visual aspects but for the mental aspects as well.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> Exercise the body not just for the visual aspects but for the mental aspects as well.


Mine is also emotional. All my frustrations, things I can't change.......they get obliterated in the gym. I don't do that stuff because of the looks. They are a byproduct. AND, it doesn't have to be a lot! It could just be 15-20 minutes.


----------



## unsure78

oh i agree with you guys... i actually enjoy doing physical stuff... part of my job can be physical at times... it clears my mind allows me to concentrate on nothing but that for a while... 

it just been the lowest on my priority list because it been the most difficult for me to create time for....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> soul... i have a fair friend base that i have reached out to talk with during this time


Soul is SO much more than friends..... What do you enjoy? I enjoy sitting on my porch and listening to spanish guitar. I also enjoy hiking a mountain or reading a fiction book for fun. Soul is something that fills you, something that rejuvenates you. It could be a 45 minute bubble bath or something. Just schedule something for yourself to look forward to!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Mine is also emotional. All my frustrations, things I can't change.......they get obliterated in the gym. I don't do that stuff because of the looks. They are a byproduct. AND, it doesn't have to be a lot! It could just be 15-20 minutes.


At times I do use the gym as escapism but I find once I'm there I forget all about my issues (most of the time). My mind goes blank and I'm just focusing on doing things right.

Case of the Mondays makes me not want to do cardio today. I'd rather lift, but I know I need to run. Haha. I'll feel better once I get it done.

The visual aspect is somewhat important to me, but that stems from being a bigger guy at one point.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Soul is SO much more than friends..... What do you enjoy? I enjoy sitting on my porch and listening to spanish guitar. I also enjoy hiking a mountain or reading a fiction book for fun. Soul is something that fills you, something that rejuvenates you. It could be a 45 minute bubble bath or something. Just schedule something for yourself to look forward to!


unfortunately right now the things i used to enjoy are not full-filling me... depression maybe or just overwhelmed... im working on processing everything still, i will be ok, i always am, i have to be... their is no one to pick up my pieces but me


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> *unfortunately right now the things i used to enjoy are not full-filling me... *depression maybe or just overwhelmed... im working on processing everything still, i will be ok, i always am, i have to be... their is no one to pick up my pieces but me


Same here. How does one get over this hump? I still attempt to do things I enjoy they just don't seem satisfying. And these are hobbies I consider core to who I am.


----------



## brokeneric

unsure78 said:


> unfortunately right now the things i used to enjoy are not full-filling me... depression maybe or just overwhelmed... im working on processing everything still, i will be ok, i always am, i have to be... their is no one to pick up my pieces but me


Try boxing. Nothing feels so exhilarating like punching someone in the face.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> I seriously doubt you were "ripped" at 210lbs. Maybe you looked muscular under all that fat, but "ripped".... Come on! The only men who looked "ripped" at that weight are heavy steroid users leaning out.
> 
> Normal non-gear using men who train naturally, and who don't buy into the workouts peddled by roided up guys in magazines, they never break 180 or 190 at 10% body fat or less. And I'm talking men who have at least a 4-pack and who can do pullups and squat properly.
> 
> There's a common misconception you see when guys start lifting weights where they think they're gaining more muscle than they really are. A lot of that is water and you may get 5-10lbs of dry muscle a year, but anything over 2lbs a month isn't muscle. You are capable of gaining more, but the conditions to keep that weight are pretty rough. You would have to get into some serious poundage while trying to preserve your joints for life.


Nsweet, I don't know what to tell you buddy...
I was just stating that for my body type it is hard to carry weight at all. It is easy for me to have a low body fat because I don't ever have much. At that time I was getting ready to do HGH and dabble with insulin just so I could gain more mass luckily I couldn't find a supply.
I don't understand why you losing a bunch of weight and getting fit is more believable then me gaining weight and getting fit?


----------



## unsure78

brokeneric said:


> Try boxing. Nothing feels so exhilarating like punching someone in the face.


lol... not quite my style... i have some other things in mind


----------



## brokeneric

unsure78 said:


> lol... not quite my style... i have some other things in mind


----------



## Another Planet

Is anyone else on Match? Do you get creeped out when you get favorited? It always makes my eyebrow raise and wonder if it's a bot or something...
I took the "looking for friends also" off my profile this morning just to see what would happen...well there you go within hours a couple new winks and a favorite, I guess you ladies were correct


----------



## unsure78

brokeneric said:


>


lol... i date the guys that punch others in the face... i dont need to do that


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Same here. How does one get over this hump? I still attempt to do things I enjoy they just don't seem satisfying. And these are hobbies I consider core to who I am.


I think the only way is by trying NEW things and finding ones you like. Because i feel the exact same way and right now its hard finding new things to try (for lack of disposable income and time).


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Is anyone else on Match? Do you get creeped out when you get favorited?


no im not that paranoid about it... its usually someone that doesn't have a snowballs chance with me


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> lol... not quite my style... i have some other things in mind


Don't have sex, it may lead to dancing (and that's a sin)


----------



## Dollystanford

If only there was a 'licking chocolate off a ripped 25 year old's abs' class

Or the 'light spankings administered by naked rugby players' club

But no


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Don't have sex, it may lead to dancing (and that's a sin)


hahahah you know me so well Lon


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Is anyone else on Match? Do you get creeped out when you get favorited? It always makes my eyebrow raise and wonder if it's a bot or something...
> I took the "looking for friends also" off my profile this morning just to see what would happen...well there you go within hours a couple new winks and a favorite, I guess you ladies were correct





unsure78 said:


> no im not that paranoid about it... its usually someone that doesn't have a snowballs chance with me


LOL I just checked out her profile and she has only one pic...and it is of her wearing a blue christmas sweatshirt(not even a sweater) with a snowman and snowflake on it 0_o 
I can't help but laugh, I am sure she has a really great personality.....no I am just joking..... she is very pretty in a stay at home mom with no makeup on kind of look


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Is anyone else on Match? Do you get creeped out when you get favorited? It always makes my eyebrow raise and wonder if it's a bot or something...
> I took the "looking for friends also" off my profile this morning just to see what would happen...well there you go within hours a couple new winks and a favorite, I guess you ladies were correct


I am. No, I dont get creeped out, but get let down when I see the people who favorite me! On Match, it tends to be men much, much older than me and WAY past my age limit I have on my profile! It more like, "oh maannn..." when I get the email that someone favorited me. :slap:


----------



## vi_bride04

....at least the sun is out and its a warm 20F degrees today


----------



## Another Planet

I liked and unliked that over and over just so I could like it a bunch!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So if Eric gets tired of vi_bride I'll cook (my tv is only 39" tho  ) and he can teach me to box.

I want a partner who will work out with me. I want to stay healthy and someone who is a couch potato could easily drag me down. I can't be the motivator in the relationship when it comes to exercise.

Man, those bags hardly move at ALL when I hit them.


----------



## vi_bride04

I got a 55" and can make authentic Mexican food


----------



## Dollystanford

I used to be married to a couch potato - disaster for me, it's so much easier to sit on the sofa eating biscuits

Since I split with him I realised that I can motivate myself with no problem if there's no one there sabotaging it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yes, no saboteur. I can do that all by myself!


----------



## 06Daddio08

I joined another Marathon group. This one is near the end of July.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah couch potato is one way to describe my exwife. 
Even now when she comes over to hang out she will grab a glass of wine and go to my bedroom to catch up on shows she missed while I make dinner..... she is a winner :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Yeah couch potato is one way to describe my exwife.
> Even now when she comes over to hang out she will grab a glass of wine and go to my bedroom to catch up on shows she missed while I make dinner..... she is a winner :smthumbup:


You let her into your bedroom??

Who the hell does she think she is? I mean really, you guys are divorced.

Who DOES THAT!? :scratchhead:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I used to be married to a couch potato - disaster for me, it's so much easier to sit on the sofa eating biscuits
> 
> Since I split with him I realised that I can motivate myself with no problem if there's no one there sabotaging it.


I was a couch potato. Lol.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> You let her into your bedroom??
> 
> Who the hell does she think she is? I mean really, you guys are divorced.
> 
> Who DOES THAT!? :scratchhead:


Heck, my ex is banned from my STREET, much less my HOUSE! LOL


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> I got a 55" and can make authentic Mexican food


I got nuttin. I can make excellent stuffed pasta shells. And I'm a good beer fetcher. But I still can't figure out how to get the wii connected to the new TV and pull up netflicks lol


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yeah couch potato is one way to describe my exwife.
> Even now when she comes over to hang out she will grab a glass of wine and go to my bedroom to catch up on shows she missed while I make dinner..... she is a winner :smthumbup:


Yeah, what vi said AP. Your relationship with your ex is very unusual and i personally think it is hampering your ability to grieve, heal then move on. But its your life so my judgement is irrelevant!

As for me, I'm a bit of a two-toed sloth, feel a little ashamed being so lazy sometimes but on the other hand i really enjoy those moments to myself to just sit still, indulge in a little Netflix, ignore the phone and go to another place...


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> You let her into your bedroom??
> 
> Who the hell does she think she is? I mean really, you guys are divorced.
> 
> Who DOES THAT!? :scratchhead:


Yeah she totally has terrible boundaries..... obviously since she screwed her now ex best friends husband and all.

Yesterday I knew she was coming over to pick the kids up at some point in time but I told her to call or text first and to not just show up randomly, well I was in the basement working for a bit and run upstairs to check on the kids and here she is sitting at my kitchen table and I am just like "how long have you been here?" and she is like "oh 15minutes or so"...wtf!

I told her that I am done trying to even be friends last week because she is push pulling me and I am tired of it. She tries to treat me like her boyfriend but with none of the fun stuff.


----------



## 06Daddio08

.......


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> *Yeah she totally has terrible boundaries...*.. obviously since she screwed her now ex best friends husband and all.
> 
> Yesterday I knew she was coming over to pick the kids up at some point in time but I told her to call or text first and to not just show up randomly, well I was in the basement working for a bit and run upstairs to check on the kids and here she is sitting at my kitchen table and I am just like "how long have you been here?" and she is like "oh 15minutes or so"...wtf!
> 
> I told her that I am done trying to even be friends last week because she is push pulling me and I am tired of it. She tries to treat me like her boyfriend but with none of the fun stuff.


I don't think she's the only one who has terrible boundaries, AP.

A couple things you can do:
Lock the doors so she can't just walk in
Don't let her into your bedroom

I mean why can't you enforce rules too? Its not even like the divorce is pending, its FINAL!

How would she feel about YOU doing the same thing to her at her place??


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Yeah couch potato is one way to describe my exwife.
> Even now when she comes over to hang out she will grab a glass of wine and go to my bedroom to catch up on shows she missed while I make dinner..... she is a winner :smthumbup:


I hope this is not STILL going on...! 

Oops, evidently I posted too late!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yeah she totally has terrible boundaries..... obviously since she screwed her now ex best friends husband and all.
> 
> Yesterday I knew she was coming over to pick the kids up at some point in time but I told her to call or text first and to not just show up randomly, well I was in the basement working for a bit and run upstairs to check on the kids and here she is sitting at my kitchen table and I am just like "how long have you been here?" and she is like "oh 15minutes or so"...wtf!
> 
> I told her that I am done trying to even be friends last week because she is push pulling me and I am tired of it. She tries to treat me like her boyfriend but with none of the fun stuff.


Her boundaries are not the problem, you are not infringing on them.


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> I used to be married to a couch potato - disaster for me, it's so much easier to sit on the sofa eating biscuits
> 
> 
> 
> Since I split with him I realised that I can motivate myself with no problem if there's no one there sabotaging it.



The danger is to find one who swings the pendulum toward the other side of competitive. I am still learning to understand myself and not be toxic to my family in this regard. I am far better in that regard today than even six months ago. So, I'm the opposite of a couch potato, but have learned others are not me and my internal competitive nature not them. 

Life is good, life is healthy in mind as well as in body


----------



## Lon

My GF was giving advice to her daughter the other day and summed up the difference between boundaries and rules perfectly. Rules are telling others what they can or cannot do, boundaries are telling others what you will and will not allow them to do to you.


----------



## Another Planet

Gotcha!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't think she's the only one who has terrible boundaries, AP.
> 
> How would she feel about YOU doing the same thing to her at her place??


I don't know how she would feel but I wouldn't do that anyway. I don't want to do that.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't think she's the only one who has terrible boundaries, AP.
> 
> A couple things you can do:
> Lock the doors so she can't just walk in
> Don't let her into your bedroom
> 
> I mean why can't you enforce rules too? Its not even like the divorce is pending, its FINAL!
> 
> How would she feel about YOU doing the same thing to her at her place??


I was thinking the same thing - lock the door and tell the kids if she rings the doorbell to let you know she is there and YOU will open the door. It is YOUR home. Alternatively, you can put a slide lock up top out of their reach. She cannot have your wine, she cannot use your TV, she cannot hang out. She is there to pick up the kids. Period.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Match.com just got me again on the auto renew :/ I wasn't going to sign back up but I guess I am a premium member for another 6months...
> Oh well maybe I can figure something else out with it, maybe a different avenue on online dating? I haven't talked to anyone from there in a couple weeks now I think.
> 
> Honestly every day that goes by that I am single makes me want to stay single that much more  My life is too busy right now and I am really enjoying being able to spend time with my kids and working on rebuilding my life and business, kind of don't feel like being distracted right now by someone else.



Great way to feel l AP, you need the you time man , go with it l say.
l've been the same right through , l know l need it and l also have just too much going on to be bothered so l'm still not fussed and now this year the house looks sold so l'll be moving , building and organizing all that , lots of big stuff going on.
l've only been into my new site 3 times, l can't be bothered either really so l just go with that.
l am on my own quite a bit though and from that angle it'd be nice just to know someone you know , a bit of company , fun. But , l'm still not that fussed though.
Mines paid up for 6mths too , it was much cheaper that way :smthumbup:. 
l just figured though whatever you know , l'll probably just pop into it every wk or two , see who's around .
l've actually just had it on auto and that seems to get you a steady little stream of 5 or 6 emails coming through a wk onto my phones email.
So l haven't even gone into the site , l just see those when l check my email. No one that really interest me though so l just press an auto reply thingo from my phone - it just says something like "sorry , l'm really flattered but l don't really think your my type " - or somem like that.
So l mainly just leave it on auto really , never know who might pop up one day  . l did go in last wk , got discouraged by the lack off , logged out , just couldn't be bothered. 

l actually forced myself to even go in and just look around again yesterday and then noticed this one that's come back , now she did ruffle my feathers - which will probably mean she'll tell me to piss off but hey whatever , l'm still not fussed for now really tbh so really , it's a whatever for me. She is nice though !


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Personally I prefer someone a bit thicker. I like a football player's build. I like a little stocky, some muscle under there. Usually means nice legs and butt. I like the weight of a guy's body when he's on top.
> 
> I'm not saying anyone should let themselves go but a six-pack is not required and a little muscle under it is nice. Everyone has a different 'type'.
> 
> Then again I've dated the tall, thin muscular type, the average build and the broad heftier build. Hair and no hair. I don't think I have a "type" - if I like him I just do.



Interesting , l've been gonna ask you girls what sorta builds you prefer :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Dollystanford said:


> I'm all about the beefcake and always have been
> I like a man who can chuck you around the room a bit
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's a classic Dolly , good for you and happy chucking :lol:


----------



## Another Planet

OMG so yeah guys don't put "looking for friends" at all on your profile.
Just since this morning I have had more attention to my profile, likes winks, email "heys", favorites then I have since the beginning of the year. Granted not all quality, a lot of cougars lol or too young for me.

But like I said how do I say "needs to have your own life and experienced real adult life" in a nice way?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> You guys are depressing me :/ also triggering me cause OM was on the heavy side.
> 
> I have an issue with weight also...just in the OPPOSITE direction. Complaining about being skinny, I know sounds stupid right.
> Well at my heaviest I was 210lbs ripped, I spent a lot of money on weight gainers and protein shakes and just a ton of food. And just a ton of time hitting the heavy weights. I looked good at the time but man that was a lot of hard work just to get there. A LOT of hard work and seriously living and breathing working out.
> Now I sit at about 170ish



This is a bit my thing right now . l was over weight for 4 or 5 years , bit to much good livin and drink'ies.
So since all this l'm running and back into shape. But now a few girls and my ex are saying little things that make me think l might have leaned of too much.

l've just been thinking lately if l should do some weights or something. l like running and a boxing bag but l'm not really into exercise other than that.
Could try eating more , l like that :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

'looking for friends' would make me think 'why does he need to go on a dating site to look for friends'

know what I mean?


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> 'looking for friends' would make me think 'why does he need to go on a dating site to look for friends'
> 
> know what I mean?


Yep. A ton of pages back we all had this conversation and I think all the ladies agreed it is a big no no.


----------



## Dollystanford

oh look, Dolly fashionably late to the party AS ALWAYS

It's because I don't use dating sites at all so would have skipped right over


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, guys, today is my birthday.

I have had a lovely day. Took the day off, did my hair (it looks so pretty), got dolled up, did my make up and headed out to have lunch at this French place -- exactly as I wanted to spend my day!

I am happy and feeling blessed to be on this earth another year and I hope that in this new year of my life, I finally have sex. With a man. And not my hand. 

Social Media Guy asked me out about 4 more times over the weekend. I declined and then he offered up the following day. When I didn't reply to that, he offered to hang next week. Did not respond. 

Unsure, I am very sorry about your grandma. I do hope that the service was her was a nice one and you have a lot of fond memories to remember her by. Hugs to you.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, today is my birthday.
> 
> I have had a lovely day. Took the day off, did my hair (it looks so pretty), got dolled up, did my make up and headed out to have lunch at this French place -- exactly as I wanted to spend my day!
> 
> I am happy and feeling blessed to be on this earth another year and I hope that in this new year of my life, I finally have sex. With a man. And not my hand.
> 
> Social Media Guy asked me out about 4 more times over the weekend. I declined and then he offered up the following day. When I didn't reply to that, he offered to hang next week. Did not respond.
> 
> Unsure, I am very sorry about your grandma. I do hope that the service was her was a nice one and you have a lot of fond memories to remember her by. Hugs to you.


----------



## angelpixie

:birthday: Happy Birthday, JB! I know you already made your birthday wish. I hope it comes true for you this year! Many times, in fact.


----------



## bravenewworld

JB - Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you!!!

Sending you a virtual "chocolate-whatever you like best" cake with some blazing penis candles to blow out! Tackiness is my speciality.


----------



## angelpixie

"Blazing penis' sounds like something requiring a trip to the urologist.


----------



## ne9907

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

best wishes for you! May you have sex this year, and fall in love again, and live your ever lasting happily forever.

I want to see pictures of your hair!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> "Blazing penis' sounds like something requiring a trip to the urologist.


Or a REALLY quick-draw


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, today is my birthday.
> 
> I have had a lovely day. Took the day off, did my hair (it looks so pretty), got dolled up, did my make up and headed out to have lunch at this French place -- exactly as I wanted to spend my day!
> 
> I am happy and feeling blessed to be on this earth another year and I hope that in this new year of my life, I finally have sex. With a man. And not my hand.
> 
> Social Media Guy asked me out about 4 more times over the weekend. I declined and then he offered up the following day. When I didn't reply to that, he offered to hang next week. Did not respond.
> 
> Unsure, I am very sorry about your grandma. I do hope that the service was her was a nice one and you have a lot of fond memories to remember her by. Hugs to you.


Happy birthday Jelly.. all the best women have bdays this month  I hope you get your wishes, glad you had a good day!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, today is my birthday.
> 
> I have had a lovely day. Took the day off, did my hair (it looks so pretty), got dolled up, did my make up and headed out to have lunch at this French place -- exactly as I wanted to spend my day!
> 
> I am happy and feeling blessed to be on this earth another year and I hope that in this new year of my life, I finally have sex. With a man. And not my hand.
> 
> Social Media Guy asked me out about 4 more times over the weekend. I declined and then he offered up the following day. When I didn't reply to that, he offered to hang next week. Did not respond.
> 
> Unsure, I am very sorry about your grandma. I do hope that the service was her was a nice one and you have a lot of fond memories to remember her by. Hugs to you.


Happy bday JB! Goal of having sex is setting sights too low, set it higher so even if you fail to reach your ultimate goal u will still get a little PIV. Aim for Vegas level sexcapades with multiple guys of various ethnicities, try to go for a guy from each continent.

Also, since he isn't getting the point, I was thinking next time he contacts you, you should ask Social Media guy if he knows any hot, fun guys that he could set you up with. Obviously they can't be close friends with him or you risk the chance they will have too much in common, but maybe an acquaintence from work, like a supervisor or something.


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks, guys. 



unsure78 said:


> Happy birthday Jelly.. all the best women have bdays this month  I hope you get your wishes, glad you had a good day!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hehe. It's because we are all Aquarian badasses! 



angelpixie said:


> :birthday: Happy Birthday, JB! I know you already made your birthday wish. I hope it comes true for you this year!* Many times, in fact. *


Over and over again. Hahaha.



bravenewworld said:


> JB - Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you!!!
> 
> Sending you a virtual "chocolate-whatever you like best" cake with some blazing penis candles to blow out! Tackiness is my speciality.


Haha funny! Thanks for the cake thoughts!



ne9907 said:


> best wishes for you! *May you have sex this year,* and fall in love again, and live your ever lasting happily forever.


I do love how all of you are supporting me in this Get Laid Mission. 



Lon said:


> Happy bday JB! Aim for Vegas level sexcapades with multiple guys of various ethnicities, try to go for a guy from each continent.


Hehe. Oh Lon I think yo mean well but sleeping with a football team isn't what I am after. I just need one lover. That's it. I don't want to sleep with a bunch of randoms. But thank you for thinking of me. 



Lon said:


> Also, since he isn't getting the point, I was thinking next time he contacts you, you should ask Social Media guy if he knows any hot, fun guys that he could set you up with.


Good idea! (And funny as hell!)


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Happy birthday Jelly.. all the best women have bdays this month


Well, hey! Whaddaya know about that? You're right!


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Well, hey! Whaddaya know about that? You're right!


I know 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks, FrenchFry!


----------



## brokeneric

Jellybeans the bday girl. Yay. So where's the cake?


----------



## Jellybeans

I actually didn't have a cake today but did devour the most exquisite ever creme brulee. It was divine. Hehe.


----------



## brokeneric

Just realized, cake is a no-no word for CWI posters. Sorry for being insensitive.


----------



## unsure78

brokeneric said:


> Just realized, cake is a no-no word for CWI posters. Sorry for being insensitive.


Ah brokeneric this is LAD not CWI... so anything goes.... like I want some cake and think someone should lick the frosting off my killer rack...hahahahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Ah brokeneric this is LAD not CWI... so anything goes.... like I want some cake and think someone should like the frosting off my killer rack...hahahahahaha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Anything goes, which is why I'm better at frosting cakes than i am at licking the frosting off, but if it's sweet enough i don't mind a little taste... See, I can have my cake and eat it too.


----------



## Lon

Pineapple upside down cake.


----------



## 06Daddio08

First batch of mini heart cookies, haha. Make another pile tomorrow and freeze them ... then icing is done on Thursday!


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Ah brokeneric this is LAD not CWI... so anything goes.... like I want some cake and think someone should lick the frosting off my killer rack...hahahahahaha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ooh myyyy... *clutches pearls*


----------



## brokeneric

unsure78 said:


> Ah brokeneric this is LAD not CWI... so anything goes.... like I want some cake and think someone should lick the frosting off my killer rack...hahahahahaha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am a lost puppy, take me home. Pls Pls Pls.


----------



## vi_bride04

Cake and cookies?? It's a party in here. 

Would be delicious after the amazing chili I made mmmm


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> like I want some cake and think someone should lick the frosting off my killer rack...hahahahahaha


Oh my God........................


----------



## Jellybeans

No, but really... Unsure REALLY does have a killer rack. Like, it's sensational. No lie. LOL. (Granted I saw it in pictures but even I was like, DAYUM!)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> No, but really... Unsure REALLY does have a killer rack. Like, it's sensational. No lie. LOL. (Granted I saw it in pictures but even I was like, DAYUM!)



You are not helping, jelly.


----------



## brokeneric

A user with 'l' in the name does have a rack worthy of sainthood.


----------



## vi_bride04

I think jelly gets first crack at unsures frosted nipples...it is her birthday and all


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I think jelly gets first crack at unsures frosted nipples...it is her birthday and all


Jelly ill even let you motorboat....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

brokeneric said:


> A user with 'l' in the name does have a rack worthy of sainthood.


LOL thanks eric, but that's the magic of good bras. Mine are huge but after 2 10 lb kids...I am sure unsure's are way better 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Man if I ever meet any of you guys in person you will be so disappointed, my rack is really not that spectacular. ..exactly what lisa said magic of a good bra
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> Man if I ever meet any of you guys in person you will be so disappointed, my rack is really not that spectacular. ..exactly what lisa said magic of a good bra
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gosh if I ever make really good money from my site (unlikely) I will totally fund a TAM party )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I think jelly gets first crack at unsures frosted nipples...it is her birthday and all





unsure78 said:


> Jelly ill even let you motorboat....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg. You guys are a MESS. LOL.

:rofl:


----------



## brokeneric

lisab0105 said:


> Gosh if I ever make really good money from my site (unlikely) I will totally fund a TAM party )
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Which site?


----------



## brokeneric

lisab0105 said:


> LOL thanks eric, but that's the magic of good bras. Mine are huge but after 2 10 lb kids...I am sure unsure's are way better
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The wrapper maybe flashy, but it's the candy that matters


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Jelly ill even let you motorboat....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

Happy Birfday Jells!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Happy Birfday Jells!


I like your cookies
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Man if I ever meet any of you guys in person you will be so disappointed, my rack is really not that spectacular. ..exactly what lisa said magic of a good bra
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't ruin it............


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Happy birthday Jelly!


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> I like your cookies
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks, if only I could share. 

They still need pink icing and sprinkles! Haha.


----------



## ne9907

Kinda bored... I need a hot sexting buddy.


----------



## brokeneric

ne9907 said:


> Kinda bored... I need a hot sexting buddy.


pm me.. I really need some practice.


----------



## ne9907

brokeneric said:


> pm me.. I really need some practice.


haha
maybe some other time!

Boredom got the best of me, so I went to Match.com and began browsing. Nothing appealing in my town or within 50 miles, such a disappointment.

However!!! I did find that ex-boyfriend's profile (who I briefly texted a while ago and scared him off by being too needy and aggressive).
I must say, I felt a huge let down to see him on Match, I felt a bit jealous, but mostly letdown.


So I am your typical crazy, jealous, woman..... there is nothing wrong with Match.com right???


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> So I am your typical crazy, jealous, woman..... there is nothing wrong with Match.com right???


No, you should fit right in.


----------



## FeministInPink

I'm late to the party, but happy birthday, JB!


----------



## Nsweet

Before I forget, happy birthday Jelly Beans!


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Want me to make a profile of someone self-sufficient and passive? We shall see what he is REALLY after. Alas they will charge me for our games won't they? Hey, YOU make a fake profile, then he will REALLY be freaked out by you. If you are going be be crazy I say go all the way EFFin Crazy.


Ha, if Match was free I would so totally jump at it. But I am very cautious with my finances and at the moment would not spent (think it was 20 bucks) for profile, whether fake or real.
Even my craziness has its limits! 

Plus, at this time what he likes/dislikes in a woman is not a priority.

I am self sufficient but not exactly passive.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> OMG so yeah guys don't put "looking for friends" at all on your profile.
> Just since this morning I have had more attention to my profile, likes winks, email "heys", favorites then I have since the beginning of the year. Granted not all quality, a lot of cougars lol or too young for me.
> 
> But like I said how do I say "needs to have your own life and experienced real adult life" in a nice way?



Yeah l get dozens of cougars but l don't count them or even press the auto reply.
l got an age thing on my page but they still try it on .
Maybe 5 or 6 a wk of what l actually like though, they mightn't be my thing but you know , not bad though it's just more a personal taste thing so far.

There's a few thing's l'd like to try and say too , like no fkg cougars for instance which l might have to put in l think.
But l dunno , somehow something about friends . like l'm happy to meet platonic friends too , but a few here said that might come across wrong.

lt's funny though right now , l only made this one a few wks back , very 1/2 heartedly then just paid and left .
So it's only about 5lines , few interests below that , that's it .

But hey l keep getting stuff like l love your profile would you believe , go figure l thought it was crap.

But here's one for you guys , you know what l've figured out is attracting them ?
In the what l'm looking for part right , like the bit about her .
l wrote this .

Bla bla bla and , 
" l like a truly loyal girl and she must believe in best friends no matter what with her partner "

That's the one little line that's bringing out the quality because l've looked them up and everyone of them has mentioned strong stuff on their page about loyalty and being best friends - l love that .


----------



## brokeneric

What's wrong with cougars?


----------



## 2galsmom

ne9907 said:


> Ha, if Match was free I would so totally jump at it. But I am very cautious with my finances and at the moment would not spent (think it was 20 bucks) for profile, whether fake or real.
> Even my craziness has its limits!
> 
> Plus, at this time what he likes/dislikes in a woman is not a priority.
> 
> I am self sufficient but not exactly passive.


Well O'Crazy one how did you see him without an account? A free preview? I only suggested the craziness as I thought you had an account, I don't know exactly how it works. 

Good call on saving the twenty bucks.


----------



## whitehawk

Might add to , you know that loyalty and best friend thing l mentioned , it's aslo really , really , restored my faith in women . Because there are a lot of them out there after all that put that stuff very strongly at the top - which means a shipload to me.


----------



## whitehawk

brokeneric said:


> What's wrong with cougars?


Not attracted to them and l need them younger if anything to keep up with me.
My ex was 10yrs younger than me and she said l need another 10 of that , she's resting :rofl:


----------



## brokeneric

I lost my virginity to a cougar. So they occupy a special place in my heart.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Man if I ever meet any of you guys in person you will be so disappointed, my rack is really not that spectacular. ..exactly what lisa said magic of a good bra
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh your gonna meet us unsure , we're all coming , umm , don't you worry :smthumbup:


----------



## brokeneric

unsure78 said:


> Man if I ever meet any of you guys in person you will be so disappointed, my rack is really not that spectacular. ..exactly what lisa said magic of a good bra
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who knows? They might lead to a revolution, a riot, another taj mahal.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> haha
> maybe some other time!
> 
> Boredom got the best of me, so I went to Match.com and began browsing. Nothing appealing in my town or within 50 miles, such a disappointment.
> 
> However!!! I did find that ex-boyfriend's profile (who I briefly texted a while ago and scared him off by being too needy and aggressive).
> I must say, I felt a huge let down to see him on Match, I felt a bit jealous, but mostly letdown.
> 
> 
> So I am your typical crazy, jealous, woman..... there is nothing wrong with Match.com right???



So leave ex's alone you reckon ne , got it. Bit of a shame l was kinda thinking about looking one up- bad idea though l know it she was a crazy one but eh , she was also but great in bed:smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Not attracted to them and l need them younger if anything to keep up with me.
> My ex was 10yrs younger than me and she said l need another 10 of that , she's resting :rofl:


The younger they are the less likely they can keep up, in my somewhat limited experience.

A young man's cougar is this man's hottie.


----------



## whitehawk

Not a hope Lon , which one can run up the hill and which one has to get the chair lift, very simple buddy but eh , whatever floats the boat .


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm fitter now than I was 15 years ago, any 20 year old man would be lucky to wear this ass as a hat, let me tell you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I don't know about that. An ass mask maybe.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l get dozens of cougars but l don't count them or even press the auto reply.
> l got an age thing on my page but they still try it on .
> 
> There's a few thing's l'd like to try and say too , like no fkg cougars for instance which l might have to put in l think.


Well maybe you should try someone your own age out. So far the young'ins haven't worked out for you, right? I get that it's a matter of preference, I am just saying it may be neat to try something new. 

As far as friendship goes: I don't think people are on match to find a "friend." Most people are there for dating. So if you're not into someone just tell them straight up.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> So leave ex's alone you reckon ne , got it. Bit of a shame l was kinda thinking about looking one up- bad idea though l know it *she was a crazy one but eh , she was also but great in bed*:smthumbup:


The crazy ones always are.


----------



## whitehawk

Haha , sounds like one hell of an ass Dolly but hey l've got bigger problems and need some Tamers wisdom .

Should l meet this chick ?

Someone l really liked on my site from a few mths ago came back on . 
We have uncanny stuff in common and l love her looks . I didn't meet her last time but yesterday l decided to contact her and we've been talking . 
One thing is and l guess normally this would be a good thing but we decided to meet up in a few days.

But the real thing is , l just don't know on the other hand . She's sort of on one hand very down to earth in her tastes yet on the other she is very classy and seems to hang with a totally different type of crowd , the type l would normally not be interested in at all .
lf you've ever had a miss match relationship regarding your people and crowds , or especially yourselves in that way as you know , it can really be a pain in the ass. 

My ex and l were always a perfect match within ourselves and people like that and it was always so at ease , comfortable.

But l'm feeling this stuff pretty strongly with this girl and although the looks and things in common , that side of things already has me uncomfortable and l haven't even met her yet.

Do you think l should bother or just give it a miss . l dunno , l just don't feel like any bs you know !


----------



## Jellybeans

What is the kind of crowd she hangs with that you don't like? (meaning, what is it about them that you don't like)? Also, what is it exactly that has you uncomfortable about her. Give more details.

Is she into drugs? Is she hanging with criminals or something?


----------



## brokeneric

She's with a snooty crowd mate?


----------



## whitehawk

Nah no drugos or crims but how do l say this.
Upper glass types , they look really wealthy , so does she . One of her out fits probably costs more than my whole wardrobe . She was talking last night about her last trip to the salon , umm , $340 , holy hell an $80 one was a treat for my ex.

White collar crowd you know , not my thing at all.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok so if you are that turned off about people she hangs with, don't go out with her (eventhough you haven't even met her).


----------



## whitehawk

brokeneric said:


> She's with a snooty crowd mate?



Now thems the words I was looking for :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

Intimidated by the fact she appears to make more money?


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so if you are that turned off about people she hangs with, don't go out with her (eventhough you haven't even met her).



Yeah , but if you saw her pics and surroundings you'd know what l mean even not meeting her yet.
lt's weird though because on one hand she describes all this stuff on her page and on the phone where she sounds very down to earth but then there'll be all these other things coming out .


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Nah no drugos or crims but how do l say this.
> Upper glass types , they look really wealthy , so does she . One of her out fits probably costs more than my whole wardrobe . She was talking last night about her last trip to the salon , umm , $340 , holy hell an $80 one was a treat for my ex.
> 
> White collar crowd you know , not my thing at all.


I'd walk if someone told me how much they spent at the salon. That just points up to a whole host of issues.

I like "snooty" crowds. I don't like crowds who judge others and themselves on what/how much they spend.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> I'd walk if someone told me how much they spent at the salon. That just points up to a whole host of issues.
> 
> I like "snooty" crowds. I don't like crowds who judge others and themselves on what/how much they spend.


Oh the irony


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Intimidated by the fact she appears to make more money?



Well , don't really think that's what l'd call it although in the crowd , a bit for sure but more no interest. l own 3 properties and my own business so even though l don't actually have much cash for sure , my separation fixed that, l'm not doin bad.
lt's more the type if you know what l mean.


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> Oh the irony


Heh. You don't think it is odd that someone mentions how much they spend?


----------



## 06Daddio08

You haven't even met the woman or know much about her. If she's financially stable and has the spare money to spend on treating herself ... who cares?


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> I'd walk if someone told me how much they spent at the salon. That just points up to a whole host of issues.
> 
> 
> Yeah well that was a thing , l mean what was that , warning me on how much l'll need to make or what . l mean she sounds really nice in person but why does she tell me that , not to mention the amount itself


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> You haven't even met the woman or know much about her. If she's financially stable and has the spare money to spend on treating herself ... who cares?



Well she might want me in a tux next minute :rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think the only reason someone mentions something like how much they spend at the salon is to:

a) impress you with how much they spend because it is commensurate with their earnings/lifestyle; or,

b) prepare you/feel you out to see if the amount shocks you because they expect to keep up this lifestyle if you ended up together because "she's worth it"/high maintenance.

I agree that is a ton of money. Even in my big city that means a cut, multi-tonal coloring and some salon quality products. And if she's doing that, it has to be maintained on a regular basis.

I go to a quality salon and it costs me $50 for a cut and I do my own color but her color is around $60; more if she has to do multiple processes or add a gloss finishing process.

I get it, WhiteHawk - Personally, just because you CAN afford something doesn't mean you should. I'd rather get my cut, color it myself and have the rest to save for a nice vacation. In the end, all we have are our memories and experiences so I'd rather "invest" in creating memories and experiences. To a certain extent our everyday life is also an experience and important - I would want a certain standard for daily life as well; I'm not going to live in a tent so I can afford to travel the world, but I will drive a well kept 12 year-old car so I can afford some extras.

I can appreciate all crowds. I don't begrudge the wealthy who have earned it and have a great deal of respect for those who earn more than I do (key word: earn). I also appreciate the value of those who make less but contribute in other ways. I wouldn't mind if a partner made the same or less than I do if they were a strong contributor to the relationship and/or community. Nor would I mind someone who had significantly more than I but they would still have to earn it/contribute and not have a sense of entitlement.

Maybe it was a perceived sense of entitlement that was a turnoff more than what was spent or why.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> Heh. You don't think it is odd that someone mentions how much they spend?


I'm typically rather open on all fronts, I have nothing to hide and as I see it eventually it will become common knowledge. If it goes the distance.


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> You haven't even met the woman or know much about her. If she's financially stable and has the spare money to spend on treating herself ... who cares?


I don't. If she can afford it and want it, she should go for it. But to make a point of saying how much it costs? I still think that it is odd...unless it was in a conversation about the rising cost of goods/services or something similar.

I agree with much of enjoil's post. I guess, not knowing the context, that mentioning the sum indicated a possible attitude of materialistic look at me-ism.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Well she might want me in a tux next minute :rofl:


That's a different situation.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

but but but... tuxes are more fun to REMOVE.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , but if you saw her pics and surroundings you'd know what l mean even not meeting her yet.
> lt's weird though because on one hand she describes all this stuff on her page and on the phone where she sounds very down to earth but then there'll be all these other things coming out .


Well you seem pretty convinced that you don't want anything to do with her so I am not really sure what it is that you are confused about? You say you're not into it/her/her lifestyle/the crowd/how much she spent, so why even worry about any of this? If you aren't into it, then follow suit and don't meet her.


----------



## Another Planet

Doesn't sound like a F*ck yes!!! Whitehawk!


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: Love it, AP


----------



## muskrat

Looks like I'm a day late. Happy Birthday JB!! I hope you had a fantastic day.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Don't ruin it............


Don't worry D2H i have now gotten 2 out of 3 post D guys seeing me naked that I have the best body they have ever been with and one cutest a$$ ever.....

(and you know these are men who are very capable of getting beautiful women)


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think the only reason someone mentions something like how much they spend at the salon is to:
> 
> a) impress you with how much they spend because it is commensurate with their earnings/lifestyle; or,
> 
> b) prepare you/feel you out to see if the amount shocks you because they expect to keep up this lifestyle if you ended up together because "she's worth it"/high maintenance.
> 
> I agree that is a ton of money. Even in my big city that means a cut, multi-tonal coloring and some salon quality products. And if she's doing that, it has to be maintained on a regular basis.
> 
> I go to a quality salon and it costs me $50 for a cut and I do my own color but her color is around $60; more if she has to do multiple processes or add a gloss finishing process.
> 
> I get it, WhiteHawk - Personally, just because you CAN afford something doesn't mean you should. I'd rather get my cut, color it myself and have the rest to save for a nice vacation. In the end, all we have are our memories and experiences so I'd rather "invest" in creating memories and experiences. To a certain extent our everyday life is also an experience and important - I would want a certain standard for daily life as well; I'm not going to live in a tent so I can afford to travel the world, but I will drive a well kept 12 year-old car so I can afford some extras.
> 
> I can appreciate all crowds. I don't begrudge the wealthy who have earned it and have a great deal of respect for those who earn more than I do (key word: earn). I also appreciate the value of those who make less but contribute in other ways. I wouldn't mind if a partner made the same or less than I do if they were a strong contributor to the relationship and/or community. Nor would I mind someone who had significantly more than I but they would still have to earn it/contribute and not have a sense of entitlement.
> 
> Maybe it was a perceived sense of entitlement that was a turnoff more than what was spent or why.




Thanks for that Enjoli . Yaeh l thought it was weird too and maybe hearing what you've thought , well you've described/confirmed l don't know , just what ever it is about all that that was itching at me .
l mean we all treat ourselves and have a laugh to our friends about the bucket load of cash we just blew now and then but this , just didn't sit like that .
l mean it's a bit of a statement isn't it really , someone you've just met , weird :scratchhead:

PS , l drive a 12 yr old Land Drover , don't think the $340 hair do will last long :rofl:


----------



## Lon

Whitehawk, I'm still analyzing the age thing... How young is this girl, and do men really go after young women because "they have a lot in common"? To me it seems lots of us for for people because of that which we don't have in common. Compatibility is important but who really just wants a carbon copy of ourselves (just better looking)?

What does this rich young pretty thing even want? Maybe just to meet and see if there is even anything to base a relationship on? Or maybe she is just looking for a break from her snooty crowd of friends? Go meet her and find out a little, what have you to lose?


----------



## Another Planet

Honestly Whitehawk what does giving it a try hurt? Just don't invest to much into it yet. Stop thinking so much about it and go meet, if she rubs you the wrong way then make your call.
Or don't bother with it starting right now.


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> Stop thinking so much about it and go meet, if she rubs you the wrong way then make your call.


I had a woman rub me the wrong way once... It took almost two weeks before the chafing finally healed up.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Well you seem pretty convinced that you don't want anything to do with her so I am not really sure what it is that you are confused about? You say you're not into it/her/her lifestyle/the crowd/how much she spent, so why even worry about any of this? If you aren't into it, then follow suit and don't meet her.



Umm , perhaps if l put her pic up you'll get my drift . But anyway , You could say you guys have helped , a lot , in my feelings now making more sense to me and hey , that's what l was trying to figure out .

l need a hand clapping symbol :smthumbup:

ps , happy b/d JB.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Doesn't sound like a F*ck yes!!! Whitehawk!



Yeah exactly , but a fck yes is the only thing l'm interested in right now see.

These things can be confusing though can't they because on one hand you have all these things you really like plus attraction , but then there's other things nagging you.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Don't worry D2H i have now gotten 2 out of 3 post D guys seeing me naked that I have the best body they have ever been with and one cutest a$$ ever.....
> 
> (and you know these are men who are very capable of getting beautiful women)



Negative , we're going to need confirmation miss unsure :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Whitehawk, I'm still analyzing the age thing... How young is this girl, and do men really go after young women because "they have a lot in common"? To me it seems lots of us for for people because of that which we don't have in common. Compatibility is important but who really just wants a carbon copy of ourselves (just better looking)?
> 
> What does this rich young pretty thing even want? Maybe just to meet and see if there is even anything to base a relationship on? Or maybe she is just looking for a break from her snooty crowd of friends? Go meet her and find out a little, what have you to lose?




Oh Lonny Lonny Lonny, l've been caught up in many a sticky situation let me tell you , and l fkg hate it. l have a knack for it it's just one of my many skills :rofl:
One finally learns to be very afraid Lono , very 

ps , she's about my age range .


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Negative , we're going to need confirmation miss unsure :smthumbup:


alright whitehawk... ill friend you and you can check out my fine a$$...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


----------



## unsure78

cant friend request you whitehawk... not an option on your page ...


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, everyone.



whitehawk said:


> Umm , perhaps if l put her pic up you'll get my drift .


Eh, don't do that. That is a privacy violation plus how would you like it if someone posted up your pic on a website without your knowledge? Don't do it.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> alright whitehawk... ill friend you and you can check out my fine a$$...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah




Yippeeee


----------



## lisab0105

She was showing off WH, women don't just let out how much they spend for stuff (unless we are telling you how much we got on discount) unless they want you to know they are spendy. 

Whether that means she expects her guy to be as spendy, no clue...but SHE is spendy and high maintenance (monetarily).

May the force be with you


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks for all the birthday wishes, everyone.
> 
> 
> 
> Eh, don't do that. That is a privacy violation plus how would you like it if someone posted up your pic on a website without your knowledge? Don't do it.



Na na l wouldn't don't worry , just sayin


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> cant friend request you whitehawk... not an option on your page ...




Hu , l'll soon fix that puppy :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> cant friend request you whitehawk... not an option on your page ...


You can't even get into his friend zone?


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> You can't even get into his friend zone?


:lol::rofl::smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

What's wrong with that thing anyway , how do l fix it ?


----------



## Another Planet

Hmm not to sure? Try going under Unsures screen name and hitting "add Unsure to your contacts"


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> She was showing off WH, women don't just let out how much they spend for stuff (unless we are telling you how much we got on discount) unless they want you to know they are spendy.
> 
> Whether that means she expects her guy to be as spendy, no clue...but SHE is spendy and high maintenance (monetarily).
> 
> May the force be with you


:iagree:

Spot on!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> What's wrong with that thing anyway , how do l fix it ?


I tried to get into Jellybeans' friend zone once but her profile is restricted so i just wait around, hanging on her comments, watching from the outside and get all giddy when she likes one of my comments... Just another of her creepy admirers 

(Ps JB, i know you love the stalker types... But maybe you could give WH some technical advice on his profile settings so he can witness Unsure's assets)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Don't worry D2H i have now gotten 2 out of 3 post D guys seeing me naked that I have the best body they have ever been with and one cutest a$$ ever.....
> 
> (and you know these are men who are very capable of getting beautiful women)


It's weird. Before, looks meant so much to me. Now, that I am "capable" (it really is ridiculous how capable I am....stupid actually), as long as you are a 6 on a 1-10 scale, it's all about the person. 

My ex was a 9-10...gorgeous. Guys I knew would just drool and consistently tell me how "lucky" I was. I really felt like I married "out of my league". Oh, how the tables have turned.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I tried to get into Jellybeans' friend zone once but her profile is restricted so i just wait around, hanging on her comments, watching from the outside and get all giddy when she likes one of my comments... Just another of her creepy admirers
> 
> (Ps JB, i know you love the stalker types...


:rofl:


----------



## brokeneric

Dedicated2Her said:


> My ex was a *9-10...gorgeous.* Guys I knew would just drool and consistently tell me how "lucky" I was. I really felt like I married "out of my league". Oh, how the tables have turned.


The beauty ... or the b*tch


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> You can't even get into his friend zone?


HAHAHAHAHHA.... oh im so denied!


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's weird. Before, looks meant so much to me. Now, that I am "capable" (it really is ridiculous how capable I am....stupid actually), as long as you are a 6 on a 1-10 scale, it's all about the person.
> 
> My ex was a 9-10...gorgeous. Guys I knew would just drool and consistently tell me how "lucky" I was. I really felt like I married "out of my league". Oh, how the tables have turned.


I just need a base attraction (however base attraction does not happen super frequently for me).. the rest is the about the person (though i have physical preferences).. actually the only consistent trait that i have chosen with ANY guy i have ever dated ( more than one date) is humor. I have to have a guy that's funny, i need someone to make me laugh.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> I just need a base attraction (however base attraction does not happen super frequently for me)...


Me, too. So annoying.

It's not something that can be created either.

That's why when it happens, I'm like YAAAY!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I've found attraction for me grows. I start off thinking he's pleasant, nice, nice looking, etc. but I've never just felt sparks or drawn to anyone right away. The more I get to know him, he either turns me off or I get more physically attracted.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I just need a base attraction (however base attraction does not happen super frequently for me).. the rest is the about the person (though i have physical preferences).. actually the only consistent trait that i have chosen with ANY guy i have ever dated ( more than one date) is humor. I have to have a guy that's funny, i need someone to make me laugh.


It's interesting to me also that after my divorce base attraction has been very hard to come by. It has taken me spending some time with them to start to get attraction. I don't get it. It used to be different.


----------



## Jellybeans

That is interesting, Dedicated, that is had changed (decreased) for you.

For me, it's never been easy to come by. Pre or post-divorce. It's my "normal" I guess. Hahaha.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's interesting to me also that after my divorce base attraction has been very hard to come by. It has taken me spending some time with them to start to get attraction. I don't get it. It used to be different.


Maybe now you base much more of "attractive" on other things than just straight looks? you need the rest to be there for you to even find someone physically attractive


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Maybe now you base much more of "attractive" on other things than just straight looks? you need the rest to be there for you to even find someone physically attractive


Agreed. I might also suffer from the "wolf in sheep's clothing" syndrome. LOL


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Well O'Crazy one how did you see him without an account? A free preview? I only suggested the craziness as I thought you had an account, I don't know exactly how it works.
> 
> Good call on saving the twenty bucks.


back in the 90s I used to frequent the yahoo chatting rooms. I went to yahoo to see if they still had chatting rooms but lo and behold... they are gone 

But I did see the Match.com app and decided to click on it. There is a special going on (for Valentines I bet) that allowed me to get a free trial. I used a fake email address, and got it!
I can only browse, not interact with any members. But that is good enough for me.


----------



## vi_bride04

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've found attraction for me grows. I start off thinking he's pleasant, nice, nice looking, etc. but I've never just felt sparks or drawn to anyone right away. *The more I get to know him, he either turns me off* or I get more physically attracted.


This has been my problems since leaving my ex. Hell, I could even find them attractive but the more time I spend with them the more annoyed I get and just have to get away.

I don't know if its b/c I'm really unattracted or just want to run away if I feel myself getting to know them. A fear of getting close so to speak.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> This has been my problems since leaving my ex. Hell, I could even find them attractive but the more time I spend with them the more annoyed I get and just have to get away.
> 
> I don't know if its b/c I'm really unattracted or just want to run away if I feel myself getting to know them. A fear of getting close so to speak.


You my dear have turned into a dreaded commitment phobe.....fear, thats what the engy had... you need to push thru your fears, they aren't going to go away even for a "great" guy


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> This has been my problems since leaving my ex. Hell, I could even find them attractive but the more time I spend with them the more annoyed I get and just have to get away.
> 
> I don't know if its b/c I'm really unattracted or just want to run away if I feel myself getting to know them. A fear of getting close so to speak.


I feel the same way, Would you believe that after looking over 200+ profiles on Match, I did not find any men attractive?

I have also had a couple of men ask me out for coffee, but I honestly want to laugh in their faces.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I have also had a couple of men ask me out for coffee, but I honestly want to laugh in their faces.


Ouch... Would you have found it better if they hadn't asked?


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> This has been my problems since leaving my ex. Hell, I could even find them attractive but the more time I spend with them the more annoyed I get and just have to get away.
> 
> I don't know if its b/c I'm really unattracted or just want to run away if I feel myself getting to know them. A fear of getting close so to speak.


You're just not ready in any sense of the word. Don't date right now because you think you should be putting yourself out there. Date when you actually have a yearning to meet someone that knocks your socks off. As long as your walls are up in any way, your anxiety is always going to win and make you run in the other direction.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> You're just not ready in any sense of the word. Don't date right now because you think you should be putting yourself out there. Date when you actually have a yearning to meet someone that knocks your socks off. As long as your walls are up in any way, your anxiety is always going to win and make you run in the other direction.


This.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> *You my dear have turned into a dreaded commitment phobe*.....fear, thats what the engy had... you need to push thru your fears, they aren't going to go away even for a "great" guy


Hmmmm thats not a good thing. And I can see this. B/c I have met some attractive, nice guys. I just freak out and dump them usually after doing the deed a couple times. Don't want to get close emotionally with anyone. 




ne9907 said:


> I feel the same way, Would you believe that after looking over 200+ profiles on Match, I did not find any men attractive?
> 
> I have also had a couple of men ask me out for coffee, but I honestly want to laugh in their faces.


Oh I find guys attractive. Believe me. I love oogling guys. I usually see a couple very attractive guys daily that make me do a double take. Even on POF I would see many I thought were attractive.

Its the whole fear that unsure speaks of. Puts me in a state of "ahhh I need to get away from this person b/c they might like me" sort of thing. 

I have lots of thoughts of being and staying single the rest of my life. I'm not trying to be cynical or bitter, but really, I am wondering if I am one of those people who are better off single.

I feel broken.


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmm thats not a good thing. And I can see this. B/c I have met some attractive, nice guys. I just freak out and dump them usually after doing the deed a couple times. Don't want to get close emotionally with anyone.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I find guys attractive. Believe me. I love oogling guys. I usually see a couple very attractive guys daily that make me do a double take. Even on POF I would see many I thought were attractive.
> 
> Its the whole fear that unsure speaks of. Puts me in a state of "ahhh I need to get away from this person b/c they might like me" sort of thing.
> 
> I have lots of thoughts of being and staying single the rest of my life. I'm not trying to be cynical or bitter, but really, I am wondering if I am one of those people who are better off single.


You are not better off single or with any one. You have no idea what your future is going to hold...you just have to get to a place where you are open. You are not open right now, in any capacity. 

Look, Vi...you were both the WS and the BS. Hopefully I am not overstepping when I say, I think you are just as afraid of f'cking up again and you are afraid of being hurt again. You are stuck ma' dear. 

The only thing you need is to give yourself some time. 
No more dating, no ONS, no sex...let yourself get all healed and whole again. When you are ready, you won't be pushing any one away.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't know if its b/c I'm really unattracted or just want to run away if I feel myself getting to know them. A fear of getting close so to speak.


It could be that you just haven't met the right guy, Vi. Also, you may have walls up. Emotionally unavailable?


----------



## 06Daddio08

You're far from broken Vi, you simply need to embrace the required changes and outlook on life to obtain what you really want deep down.

Plus, if you were broken we wouldn't still be talking a year and a half later. 

I value your opinions and insight greatly.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've found attraction for me grows. I start off thinking he's pleasant, nice, nice looking, etc. but I've never just felt sparks or drawn to anyone right away. The more I get to know him, he either turns me off or I get more physically attracted.


This has always been my MO. If I'm super attracted to someone up front, I usually stick my foot in my mouth, or totally freeze up.










It never works out well :scratchhead:


----------



## lisab0105

The guys I have fallen for the most are the ones that impress( attract) me the least at first. I fall for my friends. I can't fall for you if I don't KNOW you.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> You're far from broken Vi, you simply need to embrace the required changes and outlook on life to obtain what you really want deep down.
> 
> Plus, if you were broken we wouldn't still be talking a year and a half later.
> 
> I value your opinions and insight greatly.


Thank you Up.

I make a great friend. Its beyond friendship that I have issues with. Once romantic feelings or sex gets involved its like my head implodes.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> This has always been my MO. If I'm super attracted to someone up front, I usually stick my foot in my mouth, or totally freeze up.


Hehe. I have been that little squirrel on more than one occasion. It's amazing how STUPID one acts around someone they are very attracted to. I have been at a total loss for words or just say something _owuerouweoruweor _ stupid. (That was supposed to be a babble sound, by the way). I can't get the words out of my mouth when normally I can talk anyone's ear off. 



:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> This has always been my MO. If I'm super attracted to someone up front, I usually stick my foot in my mouth, or totally freeze up.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It never works out well :scratchhead:


I LOLed at that image being a person


----------



## brokeneric

lisab0105 said:


> The guys I have fallen for the most are the ones that impress( attract) me the least at first. I fall for my friends. I can't fall for you if I don't KNOW you.


If it goes well, you have a friend and also gain a lover. Otherwise you lose both. Risky, eh?


----------



## lisab0105

brokeneric said:


> If it goes well, you have a friend and also gain a lover. Otherwise you lose both. Risky, eh?


Nope, because the only way they stop having me in their life if is they hurt me and even then I have a very high tolerance for emotional pain (NOT a bragging right, at all..it's just me). That and I am really good at having long relationships.


----------



## Jellybeans

With my first love, it was a super attraction (we're still friends today).

There was one time I was completely drawn to this one guy and it was like a zombie had taken over my head (please note: I do NOT do emotions nor am I one of those people who proclaim emotions) and anyway I looked at him and smiled sheepishly/big and said "Attraction is so stupid. It's completely illogical and ridiculous."

I was so embarrassed but it's like my body got invaded and someone was speaking for me. I would normally NEVER say that to anyone ever. 

We did make out for a long time after that though.


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Ouch... Would you have found it better if they hadn't asked?


This is where the working on myself part comes. I have a duality sense of self. On one hand, I feel worthless because of all the experiences I had with ex, on the other if a man (who I do not find attractive asks me out), I feel he shouldn't even bother because I am obviously out of his league.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. I have been that little squirrel on more than one occasion. It's amazing how STUPID one acts around someone they are very attracted to. I have been at a total loss for words or just say something _owuerouweoruweor _ stupid. (That was supposed to be a babble sound, by the way). I can't get the words out of my mouth when normally I can talk anyone's ear off.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


JB, the funny thing is... by the time I met my ex-husband, I had grown out of the frozen squirrel phase. In fact, I was quite confident approaching/engaging a man I found attractive. But my ex-husband wrecked my self-esteem/confidence so badly that I feel like I'm 14 again, all squirrelly frozen again. I'm working on re-building my confidence, but it's taking a little time


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> This is where the working on myself part comes. I have a duality sense of self. On one hand, I feel worthless because of all the experiences I had with ex, on the other if a man (who I do not find attractive asks me out), I feel he shouldn't even bother because I am obviously out of his league.


I think it is admirable when a guy asks a girl out, regardless of his level of attractiveness. Every one should have the confidence to ask any one they want out. Doesn't mean the other person will say yes, but still good for them for asking the girl out anyway.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> With my first love, it was a super attraction (we're still friends today).
> 
> *There was one time I was completely drawn to this one guy and it was like a zombie had taken over my head (please note: I do NOT do emotions nor am I one of those people who proclaim emotions) and anyway I looked at him and smiled sheepishly/big and said "Attraction is so stupid. It's completely illogical and ridiculous."*
> 
> I was so embarrassed but it's like my body got invaded and someone was speaking for me. I would normally NEVER say that to anyone ever.
> 
> We did make out for a long time after that though.


OMG, this is brilliant!!!

:smnotworthy:


----------



## brokeneric

Jellybeans said:


> With my first love, it was a super attraction (we're still friends today).
> 
> *There was one time I was completely drawn to this one guy and it was like a zombie had taken over my head (please note: I do NOT do emotions nor am I one of those people who proclaim emotions) and anyway I looked at him and smiled sheepishly/big and said "Attraction is so stupid. It's completely illogical and ridiculous."
> *
> I was so embarrassed but it's like my body got invaded and someone was speaking for me. I would normally NEVER say that to anyone ever.
> 
> We did make out for a long time after that though.


Lemme guess, 15?


----------



## Jellybeans

Feminist, you will get there in time. 

It's normal to feel nervous around someone you are attracted to. 

Broke-It was actually not too long ago. HAHAHA. Which makes it even funnier. I often wonder what he thought when I said that to him.


----------



## brokeneric

Jellybeans said:


> Feminist, you will get there in time.
> 
> It's normal to feel nervous around someone you are attracted to.
> 
> Broke-It was actually not too long ago. HAHAHA. Which makes it even funnier. I often wonder what he thought when I said that to him.


Aw, must been cute.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Nope, because the only way they stop having me in their life if is they hurt me and even then I have a very high tolerance for emotional pain (NOT a bragging right, at all..it's just me). That and I am really good at having long relationships.


Self worth issues? If you're allowing someone to put you through a high threshold of emotional pain for long periods of time.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I think it is admirable when a guy asks a girl out, regardless of his level of attractiveness. Every one should have the confidence to ask any one they want out. Doesn't mean the other person will say yes, but still good for them for asking the girl out anyway.


I've asked two women to go out and both thanked me but were taken. One I just walked up to after she helped me the day before (doing her job) and the other was at the company Christmas party.

I enjoyed the rush. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> OMG, this is brilliant!!!
> 
> :smnotworthy:



Haha. I am glad I could entertain you. 



brokeneric said:


> Aw, must been cute.


Sure, it was. I felt like this afteward










Why did I just say that? I was so embarrassed.

Invasion of the body snatchers (verbal snatchers). I'm telling you.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> This is where the working on myself part comes. I have a duality sense of self. On one hand, I feel worthless because of all the experiences I had with ex, on the other if a man (who I do not find attractive asks me out), I feel he shouldn't even bother because I am obviously out of his league.


As i have been working on myself those are two themes that play in my mind. When i see an attractive woman i feel like she is out of my league and then i feel worthless.

That whole approach is fubar. The whole sex rank and dating tips aren't a healthy approach, yet i and most people on TAM still buy into it, the advice you get here and in magazines and in NMMNG/pickup artists/ MNSL is not how to fix the world, they are a workaround on how to accomplish a goal and get what you want when the game is a perverse and cruel playing field full of sociologically broken players. What goes for "community" in this modern world is a true mess, but there is still an inescapable community.

Remember that 1) you are not worthless, nobody is, we are all of the exact same worth, you, me, the Pope. The President, the drug addict, the pimp, the prostitute. 2) we are all on the same field at the same time, always have been always will be, that is we are in the same league, the only league we have, we just want to be on a line that we work well together with.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I am glad I could entertain you.
> 
> 
> 
> Sure, it was. I felt like this afteward
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why did I just say that? I was so embarrassed.
> 
> Invasion of the body snatchers (verbal snatchers). I'm telling you.


See, here's the thing... why is it not socially acceptable to just say something like this? We're all so terrified of making fools of ourselves, being embarrassed, etc... that no one can just say to someone else, "Listen, I think you're hot, and I think we should get it on. Or at least go get a drink." Yes or no answer, and either move forward or move on. 

If a guy did this to me, even if I wasn't interested before, I would be so impressed with the chutzpah it took to do that, I would go out with him to at least see what else about him might be interesting.

Maybe this should be my hit-on line from now on.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> See, here's the thing... why is it not socially acceptable to just say something like this? We're all so terrified of making fools of ourselves, being embarrassed, etc... that no one can just say to someone else, "Listen, I think you're hot, and I think we should get it on. Or at least go get a drink." Yes or no answer, and either move forward or move on.
> 
> If a guy did this to me, even if I wasn't interested before, I would be so impressed with the chutzpah it took to do that, I would go out with him to at least see what else about him might be interesting.
> 
> Maybe this should be my hit-on line from now on.


There's a book I got after my ex and I split called "Truth in Dating" and it actually advocates for and teaches you how to do this specifically. It's HARD. Takes chutzpah to SAY something like that because the result could be so embarrassing, but so much better than letting fear rule you.


----------



## Conrad

FeministInPink said:


> See, here's the thing... why is it not socially acceptable to just say something like this? We're all so terrified of making fools of ourselves, being embarrassed, etc... that no one can just say to someone else, "Listen, I think you're hot, and I think we should get it on. Or at least go get a drink." Yes or no answer, and either move forward or move on.
> 
> If a guy did this to me, even if I wasn't interested before, I would be so impressed with the chutzpah it took to do that, I would go out with him to at least see what else about him might be interesting.
> 
> Maybe this should be my hit-on line from now on.


Wait until someone actually says that to you - then see how you feel.


----------



## FeministInPink

Conrad said:


> Wait until someone actually says that to you - then see how you feel.


a) It's a hyperbole.

and 

b) Way to take all the fun out of the conversation, Conrad.


----------



## vi_bride04

No more fun stealing allowed on this thread!


----------



## unsure78

Conrad said:


> Wait until someone actually says that to you - then see how you feel.


Ah [email protected] I agree with conrad on this one (dang thats like the second or third time in a month, im being taken to the darkside lol)... being put on the spot like that can make a person extremely uncomfortable... personally I like time to process things.. guys have actually scared me away from dating them by putting me on the spot like that, guys that I would have otherwise dated...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I prefer to go with the flow and if the flow doesn't happen naturally I know it most likely won't happen....but that is for the moment because there is always another chance.


----------



## muskrat

In person I also freeze up when I meet someone I am attracted too. I am much braver online.:scratchhead: This sucks since most women expect the guy to express interest first. Online the problem is everyone is so far away.
Speaking of distance, I think I am going to have to cut my hat free. This just isn't working for me. I like her, but I don't like her enough that I would move or want her to move. Basically I don't see a future with her. I suck at break ups though.  I guess I just need to suck it up and do the deed. I am just hoping I haven't developed a fear of commitment since this is the first woman I "dated" for more than 1 or 2 dates since my ex wife.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> In person I also freeze up when I meet someone I am attracted too. I am much braver online.:scratchhead: This sucks since most women expect the guy to express interest first. Online the problem is everyone is so far away.
> Speaking of distance, I think I am going to have to cut my hat free. This just isn't working for me. I like her, but I don't like her enough that I would move or want her to move. Basically I don't see a future with her. I suck at break ups though.  I guess I just need to suck it up and do the deed. I am just hoping I haven't developed a fear of commitment since this is the first woman I "dated" for more than 1 or 2 dates since my ex wife.


Sorry rat  never fun... I think you are just more picky now... we all are
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I prefer to go with the flow and if the flow doesn't happen naturally I know it most likely won't happen....but that is for the moment because there is always another chance.


When i go with the flow nothing has ever come of it... Ever. Years just go by.

I got a second Chance after many of those years, in which i blurted to an old friend that i still had a crush on how attractive she is and that i like her. I totally put her on the spot, she was quite uncomfortable. But i got the girl. That was a year ago on V-day and still hot and heavy


----------



## Dollystanford

I have to have a 'BOOM goes the dynamite' attraction to someone. It won't just happen over time. It's why I've actually had very few long term boyfriends (very few). I was always a 'yes I'll have sex with you and then we'll see if I like your personality too' type person

Physical attraction is v important to me - I don't care if anyone else thinks they're attractive but I have to want to tear them limb from limb otherwise it ain't happening

That may very well not be the way to go about things but I can't force myself to be content with someone that doesn't make my biscuits tingle


----------



## Nsweet

Dolly, I suddenly have the urge to buy you a drink and tell you how thin, pretty, and special you are.:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> I have to have a 'BOOM goes the dynamite' attraction to someone. It won't just happen over time. It's why I've actually had very few long term boyfriends (very few). I was always a 'yes I'll have sex with you and then we'll see if I like your personality too' type person
> 
> Physical attraction is v important to me - I don't care if anyone else thinks they're attractive but I have to want to tear them limb from limb otherwise it ain't happening
> 
> That may very well not be the way to go about things but I can't force myself to be content with someone that doesn't make my biscuits tingle


Jealous... I want tingly biscuits too.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> I can't force myself to be content with someone that doesn't make my biscuits tingle


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


>


Hahahaahhaha... im rethinking my statement now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dollystanford said:


> *I have to have a 'BOOM goes the dynamite' attraction to someone.It won't just happen over time. *It's why I've actually had very few long term boyfriends (very few). I was always a 'yes I'll have sex with you and then we'll see if I like your personality too' type person
> 
> Physical attraction is v important to me - I don't care if anyone else thinks they're attractive but I have to want to tear them limb from limb otherwise it ain't happening
> 
> That may very well not be the way to go about things but I can't force myself to be content with someone that doesn't make my biscuits tingle


I dont need a big BOOM, but I DO need to hear "CLICK" at least. I need to find myself wanting to reach out and touch and/or have the urge to kiss for there to be interest for a second meeting.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont need a big BOOM, but I DO need to hear "CLICK" at least. I need to find myself wanting to reach out and touch and/or have the urge to kiss for there to be interest for a second meeting.


:iagree:

If I find someone overly attractive, I am very shy and will not even look at them...

Funny thing. I have been in love twice
1. I didn't think he was attractive when I met him but after we began dating I would feel butterflies every single time I saw him.
2. I thought he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I even thought to myself "A boy like that would never even look at me". I married this boy and now I am soon to be divorced...

So maybe I should not let attraction be a big factor.


----------



## unsure78

Good lord match.com is super hopping... like this is completely overwhelming... is it cause of vday? I usually get a fair amount but in the last 2 days since I unhid my profile I cant keep up got to be upwards of 90 contacts in one form or another.... this is ridiculous...my profile isnt new the only thing that changed is im a year older...

Granted the vast majority I want nothing to do with...lol... 78 yr old really?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Good lord match.com is super hopping... like this is completely overwhelming... is it cause of vday? I usually get a fair amount but in the last 2 days since I unhid my profile I cant keep up got to be upwards of 90 contacts in one form or another.... this is ridiculous...my profile isnt new the only thing that changed is im a year older...
> 
> Granted the vast majority I want nothing to do with...lol... 78 yr old really?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG the SAME thing happened to me today, and I DIDNT just unhide my profile! :scratchhead: I have had almost ZERO traffic on both Match and POF, and today, I had at least a dozen messages on POF, and those were from guys that I am NOT talking with. Then on Match, this guy I was interested in before popped back up, and another guy I have been talking with on and off, then a NEW guy winked and emailed me and he looks promising! I am overwhelmed, to say the least. What is the deal??


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> This has always been my MO. If I'm super attracted to someone up front, I usually stick my foot in my mouth, or totally freeze up.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It never works out well :scratchhead:





unsure78 said:


> Good lord match.com is super hopping... like this is completely overwhelming... is it cause of vday? I usually get a fair amount but in the last 2 days since I unhid my profile I cant keep up got to be upwards of 90 contacts in one form or another.... this is ridiculous...my profile isnt new the only thing that changed is im a year older...
> 
> Granted the vast majority I want nothing to do with...lol... 78 yr old really?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did not make the connection of Vday and the current action on Match. Makes sense, to bad I'm not interested by any of them. I liked the last Match girl, I should get a hold of her...

Why is the squirrel pic attached to my comment?! Oh well I guess it works lol


----------



## 2galsmom

ne9907 said:


> This is where the working on myself part comes. I have a duality sense of self. On one hand, I feel worthless because of all the experiences I had with ex, on the other if a man (who I do not find attractive asks me out), I feel he shouldn't even bother because I am obviously out of his league.


:rofl:

ne, that is your TRUE self coming through, embrace it and play in the Big League with the rest of us.


----------



## Conrad

ne9907 said:


> So maybe I should not let attraction be a big factor.


It's only important if you want him to be happy in the relationship.


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> :rofl:
> 
> ne, that is your TRUE self coming through, embrace it and play in the Big League with the rest of us.


OMG! I am a stuck up ***** :rofl::rofl::rofl:

But seriously, before I got married I did get the "you look too intimidating for me to talk to you..." or "I can only talk to you when I am drunk.."

oh and the "Stuck up *****" when I would say no.

I was mean back then, at one point I did laugh in a guy's face when he asked me out..


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> OMG! I am a stuck up ***** :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> But seriously, before I got married I did get the *"you look too intimidating for me to talk to you..."* or *"I can only talk to you when I am drunk.."*
> 
> oh and the *"Stuck up *****"* when I would say no.
> 
> I was mean back then, at one point I did laugh in a guy's face when he asked me out..


Hmmm.....

Did you date a lot of players?


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Hmmm.....
> 
> Did you date a lot of players?


This wasn't a player, I didn't even date this guy. He was a normal guy who never spoke to me at all. He was a boyfriend's roommate. He sort of had a crush on me.
And some of his geeky friends too, and a guy who would only chase me when drunk, and one who had a girlfriend back home. You know how horny military men are/were.

Now the player, I laughed in his face when he asked me out. Because I knew he was a player and I wasn't interested at all.


----------



## ne9907

Conrad said:


> It's only important if you want him to be happy in the relationship.


You are very enigmatic. I need to take some Conradnism courses. Most times, I get what you are saying (after giving it some deep thought) but....

oh! See, I just now got it!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another batch of cookies done! Single fatherhood can be quite fun at times. :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Okstupid: The Stupid Truth Of Internet Dating - YouTube


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Okstupid: The Stupid Truth Of Internet Dating - YouTube


that was funny!


----------



## Conrad

ne9907 said:


> You are very enigmatic. I need to take some Conradnism courses. Most times, I get what you are saying (after giving it some deep thought) but....
> 
> oh! See, I just now got it!


You're a smart girl.

While it isn't the "be all end all" for you, being "into him" physically is how he is most likely to perceive you actually love him.

So, be careful that it's not "optional"... or he's likely to become frustrated and end up with a user account on this forum


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> This wasn't a player, I didn't even date this guy. He was a normal guy who never spoke to me at all. He was a boyfriend's roommate. He sort of had a crush on me.
> And some of his geeky friends too, and a guy who would only chase me when drunk, and one who had a girlfriend back home. *You know how horny military men are/were.*
> 
> Now the player, I laughed in his face when he asked me out. Because I knew he was a player and I wasn't interested at all.


Military men nothing You should have seen the boys on the submarine bases.:rofl:

I kinda had a feeling you were going to describe that type of guy. The little boys were just calling you a "b!tch" because they couldn't have you and were batting out of their league.

I've seen this a lot with the "nice guys" who think just by being nice to you that they can cash in their brownie points for some p*ssy. They get mean and nasty as soon as you reject their advances, and that's when you start hearing some of these backhanded compliments/insults.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself "If it isn't true then why are they saying it?" If you know you're NOT a "b!tch" and only a certain type of guy is saying you are one, maybe he has a problem and is looking to insult you to protect his own fragile ego.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Dollystanford said:


> ...I can't force myself to be content with someone that doesn't make my biscuits tingle


Post of the year contender!! LMFAO
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

So I went for coffee Monday with a girl who didn't immediately knock my socks off, or make my "biscuits tingle" (do I even have biscuits?). But she was just interesting enough to warrant a lunch to see if it was just her nerves or something else. Been married twice. Both times I was VERY attracted at first glance and I can see now I let my infatuation put me in a "overlook red flags fog". I'm letting this one move to a lunch date to see if an attraction could grow. She's not my typical "type", but maybe this leads to something new instead of doing the same crazy things over again? We'll see
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## brokeneric

What biscuits are we talking about? Me kinda slow


----------



## 2galsmom

Honestly ne, "I am drunk, I can only talk to you when I am drunk" - he might as well have sprayed you with mace to keep you away. 

You are not the one with the problem in that scenario.


----------



## Nsweet

brokeneric said:


> What biscuits are we talking about? Me kinda slow


Dolly was talking about her vagina. 

Vagina biscuits.


----------



## brokeneric

Nsweet said:


> Dolly was talking about her vagina.
> 
> Vagina biscuits.


Ahem.. Is it crunchy?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Nsweet said:


> Dolly was talking about her vagina.
> 
> Vagina biscuits.


Well then, for the record, I do not have biscuits, although I have a nice sausage that goes well with biscuits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

brokeneric said:


> Ahem.. Is it crunchy?


Erm.. Gross? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Another batch of cookies done! Single fatherhood can be quite fun at times. :smthumbup:


Lookin good Mr. Kotter
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> I tried to get into Jellybeans' friend zone once but her profile is restricted so i just wait around, hanging on her comments, watching from the outside and get all giddy when she likes one of my comments... Just another of her creepy admirers
> 
> (Ps JB, i know you love the stalker types... But maybe you could give WH some technical advice on his profile settings so he can witness Unsure's assets)



Yep , JB's a slippery one :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Went out with my single gf who is in my meetup group. Now I'm even more depressed about dating...bah. why are things so complicated?? Lol


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's interesting to me also that after my divorce base attraction has been very hard to come by. It has taken me spending some time with them to start to get attraction. I don't get it. It used to be different.



l think it's just that you need more now D , l find the same. lf there's one thing l could insist on it'd be real depth between us for me . l need real now, looks and stuff are way secondary 
When you've lived the depth of a marriage, so so in a nice package doesn't cut it l'm finding..


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I feel the same way, Would you believe that after looking over 200+ profiles on Match, I did not find any men attractive?
> 
> I have also had a couple of men ask me out for coffee, but I honestly want to laugh in their faces.


l've found the same ne . l've looked at 5 or 600, there has been one or 2 but interstate or some other thing. Or turn out to be fake profiles. 
Even this new one now , she would really be my taste - for really the first time since l started looking really . But even her , it'd only be if l found roughly the sorta person l like going with it , which is really bothering me so it's probably a dud.

l dunno , some people laugh of dates sites saying only the desperate hit them , l'm starting to wonder.
But like there's some great people here for example and they use them so , still pondering !
Definitely seems to be some quality problem though to me and a big way above average paranoia thing going on too .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I prefer to go with the flow and if the flow doesn't happen naturally I know it most likely won't happen....but that is for the moment because there is always another chance.


Yep , it's been exactly the same with me forever . And the funny thing is , if l try to persist against the grain , it just gets worse from there 9 times out of 10.


----------



## whitehawk

Anyway , speaking of that exact subject , l've decided l'm not gonna bother with her.

We talked again last night and tbh even opinions here were basically matching what l was worried about and there was even more stuff last night with her. $250 shoes for example , wouldn't that be really expensive women's shoes ?
l can't remember my ex ever spending more than 60 or 70 , might be wrong though.

Anyway more importantly it's about where the person is who is seems particularly impressed talking this stuff yet at the same time "says" , she likes camping and 4wdriving. Couldn't imagine the hairdo and shoes working with that :rofl:

She's 80mins away , don't think l'll bother.


----------



## vi_bride04

Doesnt sound like she is a fvck yes, WH


----------



## Nsweet

brokeneric said:


> Ahem.. Is it crunchy?


I don't know. Each vagina biscuit is different in texture and features it own flavor. Of course it is an acquired taste, but a lot of people like em.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> Dolly was talking about her vagina.
> 
> Vagina biscuits.


Lovin' from the oven? :scratchhead:


----------



## brokeneric

Dolly just gave another reason for jerks to brush off a lady
'Sex was awful with her. Her biscuits weren't crunchy enough '


----------



## brokeneric

whitehawk said:


> l've found the same ne . l've looked at 5 or 600, there has been one or 2 but interstate or some other thing. Or turn out to be fake profiles.
> Even this new one now , she would really be my taste - for really the first time since l started looking really . But even her , it'd only be if l found roughly the sorta person l like going with it , which is really bothering me so it's probably a dud.
> 
> l dunno , some people laugh of dates sites saying only the desperate hit them , l'm starting to wonder.
> But like there's some great people here for example and they use them so , still pondering !
> Definitely seems to be some quality problem though to me and a big way above average paranoia thing going on too .


Shouldn't there be a dating section in TAM? Would make things easier.


----------



## Dollystanford

'Hey guys, got some biscuits need icing over here'


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



brokeneric said:


> Dolly just gave another reason for jerks to brush off a lady
> 'Sex was awful with her. Her biscuits weren't crunchy enough '


Soggy biscuits are highly underrated.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> 'Hey guys, got some biscuits need icing over here'


I am so temped to make a joke about the "mushy biscuit" sex act. 

In case nobody knows, it has to do with a group of men in a circle jerk and an actual biscuit. Last one has to eat it.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> 'Hey guys, got some biscuits need icing over here'


^^ An even better contender for Post Of The Year (So Far) :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> I am so temped to make a joke about the "mushy biscuit" sex act.
> 
> In case nobody knows, it has to do with a group of men in a circle jerk and an actual biscuit. Last one has to eat it.


This is a famous British public school game (our public is your private) - these people are running the country now
I'm fairly sure our chancellor would have been the soggy biscuit eater, he just looks the type
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

brokeneric said:


> Shouldn't there be a dating section in TAM? Would make things easier.




Yeah that'd be good . l guess till we get one we just use rats thread :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> This is a famous British public school game (our public is your private) - these people are running the country now
> I'm fairly sure our chancellor would have been the soggy biscuit eater, he just looks the type
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Geez, that's really disgusting. I've never actually heard of anybody playing this game. I though it was just a made up rumor.

What you're telling me is almost as bad as something the Navy guys would do on the submarine. The game was you had to jackoff to completion in every single room abord the sub while it was underway, including the CO and XO offices/berthing and the reactor control room. 

The way it was described to me was you had to sneak that guy in your work space, he would usually pay you or give you something in return, and you had to do your job while you were just feet away from some guy furiously whacking it. I mean you just get so jaded to seeing guys do weird and sexual sh!t in the Navy that it doesn't even phase you after a while. 

And those guys were absolutely obsessed with skullf*cking, where you stay still and manipulate the person giving the blowjob like you were having sex. Some guys had drawing in their old notebooks and others just talked about it like it was the greatest sex position out there. 

Those freakin perverts are responsible for the tip of the spear!


----------



## Pbartender

Don't forget guys... Dolly's British. I just ran "biscuit" through Google translate from British to Uncultured Swine, and it turns out she's talking about cookies, not biscuits.


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> Lookin good Mr. Kotter
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll be honest, I didn't get the reference but if it's coming from you I'll take it as a compliment!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Pbartender said:


> Don't forget guys... Dolly's British. I just ran "biscuit" through Google translate from British to Uncultured Swine, and it turns out *she's talking about cookies, not biscuits.*


Thanks for sucking all the air out of the room. Party crasher.


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> Thanks for sucking all the air out of the room. Party crasher.


What's the prob, Biscuit Baker?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> What's the prob, Biscuit Baker?


I'm lacking a biscuit to heat up.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> See, here's the thing... why is it not socially acceptable to just say something like this? We're all so terrified of making fools of ourselves, being embarrassed, etc... that no one can just say to someone else, "Listen, I think you're hot, and I think we should get it on. Or at least go get a drink." Yes or no answer, and either move forward or move on.
> 
> Maybe this should be my hit-on line from now on.


:iagree:

If people were more honest about how they actually feel, it would cut through a lot of the bullsh*t. 



Another Planet said:


> I prefer to go with the flow and *if the flow doesn't happen naturally I know it most likely won't happen*....


Yeah, it's got to be there for me on some base level or it's not gonna happen. 



muskrat said:


> Speaking of distance, I think I am going to have to cut my hat free. This just isn't working for me. I like her, but I don't like her enough that I would move or want her to move.


How far away are you guys from eachother?



Dollystanford said:


> I have to have a 'BOOM goes the dynamite' attraction to someone. It won't just happen over time. It's why I've actually had very few long term boyfriends (very few).
> 
> Physical attraction is v important to me - I don't care if anyone else thinks they're attractive but I have to want to tear them limb from limb otherwise it ain't happening
> 
> That may very well not be the way to go about things but I can't force myself to be content with someone that doesn't make my biscuits tingle


I'm like you, Dolly. If the attraction isn't there, I don't see the point in continuing further. I have plenty of friends who I don't feel excited (in my pants) about. I want my romantic partner to be different. I want it to be someone I want to sleep with! That's what separates a romantic relationship from every other relationship (for me).

There was a guy who was keen on me and he was so kind but no matter how hard I tried or we hung out, it just never happened for me. No physical attraction. I thought if we hung out more I could will it to happen but alas, it can't be created. It just wasn't there at all for me.



whitehawk said:


> Yep , JB's a slippery one :rofl:




On another note, Social Media Guy still have not given up. I haven't even responded to his last texts and he keeps sending me clips of songs and text messages. It is so bizarre. I have never in my life experienced telling a man that I am not interested and he simply will not go away/stop trying to ask me out. He seriously asked me out like 4 times over the weekend and then said "well maybe next week." Uh, if I haven't responded to your other invites or declined AFTER telling you I don't want to go on a date with you again, what makes you think I want to now? It is the strangest thing ever. It's a turn off.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Went out with my single gf who is in my meetup group. Now I'm even more depressed about dating...bah. why are things so complicated?? Lol



Me too , l'm turning munk l've decided 

Hanging out with a couple of guys down the road for awhile . They've both been single for years. They just drink and talk [email protected] - and my heads thinking so what , this is how you live , this is your life , hell l'm fkg doomed !
But then l start browsing for women , it should be fun l guess but knowing to all the [email protected] we go through , which you get reminded of every time you do touch but it somehow turns to [email protected] - who can be fkd you know .


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> Me too , l'm turning munk l've decided
> 
> Hanging out with a couple of guys down the road for awhile . They've both been single for years. They just drink and talk [email protected] - and my heads thinking so what , this is how you live , this is your life , hell l'm fkg doomed !
> But then l start browsing for women , it should be fun l guess but knowing to all the [email protected] we go through , which you get reminded of every time you do touch but it somehow turns to [email protected] - who can be fkd you know .


I think the trick is to just look for some company and if more develops it does and if it doesn't that's OK, too. I can't imagine being single the rest of my life. That is sort of depressing. There WILL be more failed attempts than successes - every women you say hello too isn't going to be "the one" - don't look at it as everything you touch turns to crap - think of it as a numbers game. 

You are probably going to have to go out with at least 10 to find one decent prospect. Out of 10 at least one is bat sh*t crazy. One is high maintenance and/ or needy. Another no chemistry, another wants something different out of life or has a lifestyle difference. Another might just want sex... that's already 5 out of 10. 

I let it amuse me. It's funny/amazing how many psychologically unhealthy people there are! Out of the last handful I've had one with commitment issues, one with trust issues and too soon after separation, one with communication issues, one with lifestyle issues (vegetarian saw beef in my fridge - hey I didn't claim to be one, just tolerant of others), one with sexual incompatibility issues... that's OK because if everyone were perfect for me boy how do you choose? That's what makes that person SPECIAL - they aren't a dime a dozen. 

Cheer up.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> There WILL be more failed attempts than successes - every women you say hello too isn't going to be "the one" - don't look at it as everything you touch turns to crap - think of it as a numbers game.
> 
> *That's what makes that person SPECIAL - they aren't a dime a dozen.*


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Great post, Enjo!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll be honest, I didn't get the reference but if it's coming from you I'll take it as a compliment!


LOL it is a Joey quote on Friends referencing Welcome Back, Kotter a 70's tv show with John Travolta. 

Got to 1.40 mark and just watch
TOW The Prom Video - YouTube


----------



## 06Daddio08

The video isn't available in my country ... damn you geography!!!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> The video isn't available in my country ... damn you geography!!!


Seriously? Get a new country!!

I keed, I keed :ezpi_wink1:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Seriously? Get a new country!!
> 
> I keed, I keed :ezpi_wink1:


Oh, I would. Darn kids. 

*and the cycle continues*


----------



## lisab0105

This isn't pertaining to anything in particular, I just thought it was funny 

What She's Thinking Vs. What He's Thinking During Sex - YouTube

If you live in Canada, you probably can't watch it. So laaaaame.


----------



## 06Daddio08

That one, I was able to watch.


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


>


hahahahahhaahh.....


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> LOL it is a Joey quote on Friends referencing Welcome Back, Kotter a 70's tv show with John Travolta.
> 
> Got to 1.40 mark and just watch
> TOW The Prom Video - YouTube


ROFL :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi, is that ecard supposed to be about vibrator? LOL.

I don't want batteries at all ! I want the real deal, dammit!

And by the way, we are supposed to get hit with a lot of snow tonight. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO over this winter. Bring on the summa time!


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> ROFL :rofl:


I love Joey, he is almost the perfect guy.


----------



## vi_bride04

Friends - Rachel's dessert - YouTube

And you don't even have to be a good cook for Joey to appreciate it! LOL


----------



## Another Planet

Somewhat true...


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Friends - Rachel's dessert - YouTube
> 
> And you don't even have to be a good cook for Joey to appreciate it! LOL


GOD that is such terrible acting it is hilarious! How was that show so popular for so long?
I mean that in a good way lol


----------



## Jellybeans

So wait... Noah is never going to come for me and write me a hundred letters?

Dreams dashed, AP!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> So wait... Noah is never going to come for me and write me a hundred letters?
> 
> Dreams dashed, AP!


I don't even know what to say...maybe fantasy should stay fantasy?


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Friends - Rachel's dessert - YouTube
> 
> And you don't even have to be a good cook for Joey to appreciate it! LOL


OMG, That is one of my most favorite Joeyisms...

I use it all the time


----------



## lisab0105

I don't get it, if men can write romantic hero's that adore their lady love, there is no reason men can't actually BE those guys. 

Most women aren't porn stars, but some of us could f'ck like one if we felt so inclined. 

Just sayin


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I don't get it, if men can write romantic hero's that adore their lady love, there is no reason men can't actually BE those guys.
> 
> Most women aren't porn stars, but some of us could f'ck like one if we felt so inclined.
> 
> Just sayin


It's all possible, finding the balance is somewhat difficult but I believe it to be achievable.

Even after what I've been through and read.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Somewhat true...


But they do happen!! Not exactly like the movies, but I have experienced some earth shattering movie like moments


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> But they do happen!! Not exactly like the movies, but I have experienced some earth shattering movie like moments


:iagree:

Life is BEAUTIFUL (sometimes). Hehehe. But when it is, wooow.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I fell asleep during The Notebook about 3 times before I watched the entire thing. Back in the day with the ex.

Watched the movie "Her" the other night and was blown away, it's amazing the things you can pick up on with a little perception.


----------



## Jellybeans

Funny. I saw the Notebook with Mr. ExJelly, too.

I want to see Her so bad!


----------



## lisab0105

They totally happen. 

The 19 year old girls piece of sh*t car overheating, sputtering into a gas station parking lot and all of the sudden, the marine shows up in his 67 Camaro to check on her, and hey end up talking in the gas station parking lot for 3 hours, together from that moment on for 3 years...until the day he died. 

True story, really great, random, sweep you off your feet moments do happen.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I fell asleep during The Notebook about 3 times before I watched the entire thing. Back in the day with the ex.
> 
> Watched the movie "Her" the other night and was blown away, it's amazing the things you can pick up on with a little perception.


I wanted to see HER.


----------



## ne9907

I am convert, heard great things about HER.

I must watch it.


----------



## brokeneric

'Her' is touching.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> I don't get it, if men can write romantic hero's that adore their lady love, there is no reason men can't actually BE those guys.
> 
> Most women aren't porn stars, but some of us could f'ck like one if we felt so inclined.
> 
> Just sayin


Like I said maybe some things should stay fantasy. It just doesn't seem to work in real life...it's just not sustainable.

Take me for example.
I am incredibly ambitious, still young and fit, make my own money, completely independent, I cook and clean and I am pretty good at it too, love and take care of kids, have my own life, a pretty good looking future, I like nonguy type stuff like wine tasting...art...Opera...food...traveling, I AM a hopeless romantic, I love to cuddle kiss and play around and stuff not just sex.....and from what I hear I am attractive. I am an all around decent package for the most part. But so it seems a woman will tire of this and sooner or later go elsewhere.

Only thing I have noticed makes women question me is I hate sports and dancing.

And it goes both ways though Lisa, I don't turn on the charm unless I felt so inclined.



06Daddio08 said:


> It's all possible, finding the balance is somewhat difficult but I believe it to be achievable.
> 
> Even after what I've been through and read.


Completely agree Daddio!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I wanted to see HER.


I was flush for a good hour after watching it.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> But they do happen!! Not exactly like the movies, but I have experienced some earth shattering movie like moments





Jellybeans said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Life is BEAUTIFUL (sometimes). Hehehe. But when it is, wooow.





lisab0105 said:


> They totally happen.
> 
> The 19 year old girls piece of sh*t car overheating, sputtering into a gas station parking lot and all of the sudden, the marine shows up in his 67 Camaro to check on her, and hey end up talking in the gas station parking lot for 3 hours, together from that moment on for 3 years...until the day he died.
> 
> True story, really great, random, sweep you off your feet moments do happen.


Right they are just moments, not all the time that is where the problem lies.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> They totally happen.
> 
> The 19 year old girls piece of sh*t car overheating, sputtering into a gas station parking lot and all of the sudden, the marine shows up in his 67 Camaro to check on her, and hey end up talking in the gas station parking lot for 3 hours, together from that moment on for 3 years...until the day he died.
> 
> True story, really great, random, sweep you off your feet moments do happen.


I love this, minus the sad ending.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Right they are just moments, not all the time that is where the problem lies.


It not happening all the time is the problem?


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> I love this, minus the sad ending.


Great start, hard middle, sad ending. He was still my hero right up until the end though. He just went out the wrong way. 

He died in 2001. 

Point is, Guys and Women can give each other those stories people write about, you just have to put the effort in.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Like I said maybe some things should stay fantasy. It just doesn't seem to work in real life...it's just not sustainable.
> 
> Take me for example.
> I am incredibly ambitious, still young and fit, make my own money, completely independent, I cook and clean and I am pretty good at it too, love and take care of kids, have my own life, a pretty good looking future, I like nonguy type stuff like wine tasting...art...Opera...food...traveling, I AM a hopeless romantic, I love to cuddle kiss and play around and stuff not just sex.....and from what I hear I am attractive. I am an all around decent package for the most part. But so it seems a woman will tire of this and sooner or later go elsewhere.
> 
> Only thing I have noticed makes women question me is I hate sports and dancing.
> 
> And it goes both ways though Lisa, I don't turn on the charm unless I felt so inclined.


I don't discredit anything you've said about yourself (and I say bravo seriously) but your boundary issues (as stated several times by many) can be sniffed out by the kind of woman you want in your life.

From the things you've shared about the relationship with your ex, no woman would be a part of that. Any level headed one at least.

Now, I'm saying this not as an attack on you (and I have no interest in what once transpired in the past) but from what I've observed.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Great start, hard middle, sad ending. He was still my hero right up until the end though. He just went out the wrong way.
> 
> He died in 2001.
> 
> Point is, Guys and Women can give each other those stories people write about, you just have to put the effort in.


I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Right they are just moments, not all the time that is where the problem lies.


Right. Because life is not a Hallmark movie. 

Though, if it were bliss all the time, that would be weird and we probably wouldn't appreciate the amazing moments as much.

Same with dating -- if we hit it off w/ everyone we met, then when we do find that one rare person, it wouldn't be as special.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I don't discredit anything you've said about yourself (and I say bravo seriously) but your boundary issues (as stated several times by many) can be sniffed out by the kind of woman you want in your life.
> 
> From the things you've shared about the relationship with your ex, no woman would be a part of that. Any level headed one at least.
> 
> Now, I'm saying this not as an attack on you (and I have no interest in what once transpired in the past) but from what I've observed.


I was just using myself so I have cold facts to use as an example.

I am in no way crying about a reason why I am single, I thought for the most part I have made it clear I am not interested in a relationship right now...(which is strange because it seems to make me that much more attractive )

I was just saying it seems that sooner or later no matter how perfect someone is the grass becomes greener on the other side of the fence, and it goes both ways men and women I'm not singling out women.

And for the record I have not answered ANY texts or calls from any of the involved women for quite awhile now :smthumbup:
AND as I stated a few days ago I have told my exwife the messing around trying to be friends stuff is no more. It seems she is taking me seriously after her many texts and calls are going unanswered...time will tell.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Yeah I read that, keep at it.


----------



## brokeneric

lisab0105 said:


> Great start, hard middle, sad ending. He was still my hero right up until the end though. He just went out the wrong way.
> 
> He died in 2001.
> 
> Point is, Guys and Women can give each other those stories people write about, you just have to put the effort in.


You still love him, don't you?


----------



## lisab0105

brokeneric said:


> You still love him, don't you?


Of coarse. When someone you are with dies, the feelings don't go away. They just hang out in a different part of your mind, trying to make room for different people and feelings that come along in the future.


----------



## lisab0105

On a another note...

one of my favorite endings to a movie
That Thing You Do! Guy and Fey - YouTube

I don't think that is too much to ask for, at all :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Of coarse. When someone you are with dies, the feelings don't go away. They just hang out in a different part of your mind, trying to make room for different people and feelings that come along in the future.


While I've only lost my father, in the event that I ever do lose a loved one ... I'm going to remember this.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> On a another note...
> 
> one of my favorite endings to a movie
> That Thing You Do! Guy and Fey - YouTube
> 
> I don't think that is too much to ask for, at all :smthumbup:


Mmmmm Liv Tyler

I don't know the movie but if a passionate kiss is all you need you should definately go and get yourself one!


----------



## FeministInPink

lisab0105 said:


> Of coarse. When someone you are with dies, the feelings don't go away. They just hang out in a different part of your mind, trying to make room for different people and feelings that come along in the future.


If I knew you IRL, I would give you a great big hug right now


----------



## Pbartender

Way back in college, the whole story of how me and my ex-wife met, became friends, fell in love, and finally got together played out like John Hughes teenage romantic comedy from the 1980s.

And look where that got me.



And here I was thinking I had one up on Ducky... I should have told Andie to go after Blane like he did.


----------



## unsure78

ok im weird...im a chick that HATES romantic movies... i will take anything over that genre..


----------



## lisab0105

FeministInPink said:


> If I knew you IRL, I would give you a great big hug right now


Thanks, FP! I'm good, no worries.


----------



## Pbartender

So... You Want to Date a Single Dad.


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> ok im weird...im a chick that HATES romantic movies... i will take anything over that genre..


You really are every guys wet dream, unsure!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

And don't forget about her rack.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> And don't forget about her rack.


It was automatically included lol


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> You really are every guys wet dream, unsure!!! :smthumbup:


It actually amusing at this point i have more than a few guys tell me how perfect, amazing, beautiful,,,blah blah.. one in a million......

yet whos alone...yea me....bwahahahah

cant find one im attracted too, that's smart, put together life, that doesn't have commitment issues to save my life... and if you give me several options i will undoubtedly pick the one of the worse ones


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> It was automatically included lol


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> It actually amusing at this point i have more than a few guys tell me how perfect, amazing, beautiful,,,blah blah.. one in a million......
> 
> yet whos alone...yea me....bwahahahah
> 
> cant find one im attracted too, that's smart, put together life, that doesn't have commitment issues to save my life... and if you give me several options i will undoubtedly pick the one of the worse ones


Time. You just haven't met a worthy one yet.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Pbartender said:


> So... You Want to Date a Single Dad.


Incredibly good stuff Pbar, and I'm sure you could replace the word Dad with Mom in that article and it ring true as well. 

Oh, and put a single Dad with a single Mom, and oh man those schedules can get frustrating!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Time. You just haven't met a worthy one yet.


Maybe... or just I pick/or im attracted the wrong ones...


----------



## Pbartender

TheGoodGuy said:


> Incredibly good stuff Pbar, and I'm sure you could replace the word Dad with Mom in that article and it ring true as well.
> 
> Oh, and put a single Dad with a single Mom, and oh man those schedules can get frustrating!


Don't I know it... On both counts.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Time. You just haven't met a worthy one yet.


Is that the same for my single gf who hasn't had a boyfriend or serious relationship in her adult life? She just needs more time? 

Thats right, not one single serious relationship since graduating high school. Maybe there are other factors at play, but really, I think she has an idea of what she wants, isn't willing to compromise or settle and doesn't. 

I don't know, but hearing her ordeal really got me depressed.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Is that the same for my single gf who hasn't had a boyfriend or serious relationship in her adult life? She just needs more time?
> 
> Thats right, not one single serious relationship since graduating high school. Maybe there are other factors at play, but really, I think she has an idea of what she wants, isn't willing to compromise or settle and doesn't.
> 
> I don't know, but hearing her ordeal really got me depressed.


hmm i dont think its healthy though either not being able to bend your list of required... no one is really perfect or can live up to everyone's standards... while i think having a list of required or knowing what you want is a good thing, taking it to the extreme is not good either.

for example on my require list is a college degree... however, if i met someone irl that i clicked with without one that thrilled me in all other areas i would be willing to give it a try ( fyi exh only had a hs degree no college)


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> It actually amusing at this point i have more than a few guys tell me how perfect, amazing, beautiful,,,blah blah.. one in a million......
> 
> yet whos alone...yea me....bwahahahah
> 
> cant find one im attracted too, that's smart, put together life, that doesn't have commitment issues to save my life... and if you give me several options i will undoubtedly pick the one of the worse ones


"Perfect" what an overused word when trying to describe someone, man I detest that word.

I've been working with D7 to not use the word "Hate", another one I strongly dislike. Last night at dinner she was telling me a story and said how she hated something. She stopped and corrected herself, "I dislike" she said. Man was I proud of her.

Too many strong words are used far too freely and frequently. I'm guilty. Lol.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> "Perfect" what an overused word when trying to describe someone, man I detest that word.
> 
> I've been working with D7 to not use the word "Hate", another one I strongly dislike. Last night at dinner she was telling me a story and said how she hated something. She stopped and corrected herself, "I dislike" she said. Man was I proud of her.
> 
> Too many strong words are used far too freely and frequently. I'm guilty. Lol.


i didn't say it about myself its whats said to me, these guys are just trying to flatter me and to be honset compliments from someone who doesn't know me, dont mean [email protected] to me... i have many many flaws...just like everyone else... the flaws are what makes us who we are


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Is that the same for my single gf who hasn't had a boyfriend or serious relationship in her adult life? She just needs more time?
> 
> Thats right, not one single serious relationship since graduating high school. Maybe there are other factors at play, but really, I think she has an idea of what she wants, isn't willing to compromise or settle and doesn't.
> 
> I don't know, but hearing her ordeal really got me depressed.


Why would it make you depressed. Those who say that they're not willing to "settle" but are currently miserable with their own lives ... should revisit the drawing board.

There is an opposite to "not settling".


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> i didn't say it about myself its whats said to me... i have many many flaws...just like everyone else... the flaws are what makes us who we are


Haha I know. I meant it being said to you. I see a lot of guys saying that "she's perfect in everyday".

*shiver*


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> So... You Want to Date a Single Dad.


Right on!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha I know. I meant it being said to you. I see a lot of guys saying that "she's perfect in everyday".
> 
> *shiver*


lol you know who said that to me the other day? shrink hat (we are friends now)... i was the "perfect woman"


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Is that the same for my single gf who hasn't had a boyfriend or serious relationship in her adult life? She just needs more time?


I don't know. I can't relate to that so I have no hard opinion to give based on facts. 

Don't feel depressed, though. 

Eventhough I got divorced, the way I look at it is that I am truly blessed: some people ever experience marriage or fall in love or get to spend many years with one partner. I did. And I will forever be happy about that. Sure, our chapter ended, but it is really nice to have that story's chapter in my life. I can die knowing I experienced it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> lol you know who said that to me the other day? shrink hat (we are friends now)... i was the "perfect woman"


Because we're friends, I don't know how to nicely comment on that.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Because we're friends, I don't know how to nicely comment on that.


dont have too.. i actually found it amusing when he said it... hes an ok guy, he was the over texter, and due to that hes a shrink hat i find his perspective on things interesting sometimes


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha I know. I meant it being said to you. I see a lot of guys saying that "she's perfect in everyday".
> 
> *shiver*


I don't know... I get the feeling that guys who say this sort of thing don't have the firmest grasp of the fact that women are not deities, we're just people. Fallible people, just like men are, too.

Like, she's perfect. Oh, really? So you think she sh!ts rainbows and farts butterflies?

(unsure, I'm not digging at you or saying that you aren't a catch, I'm just waxing critical about this ideal perfect woman concept.)

It feels very objectifying to me, and an unrealistic, immature way of looking at the opposite sex and relationships. It also feels a little condescending, as if the person saying it is stroking my ego because they think I'm too fragile to recognize/process that I might actually have any faults.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> dont have too.. i actually found it amusing when he said it... hes an ok guy, he was the over texter, and due to that hes a shrink hat i find his perspective on things interesting sometimes


Sorry, late to the party... what's a shrink hat?


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Sorry, late to the party... what's a shrink hat?


no worries... i didnt take anything personal...

shrink hat is a guy i went on one date with a while ago... was going to go on a second but he was an over texter, like 2 hrs a day when we only had one date for like an hour.... at the time it was too much for me and turned me off.. so i never went on a second date.. we are friends now, he is a shrink for a living, hence the shrink "hat" title... all our guy dates get nicknames around here.. helps keep them straight... trying on different "hats" reference


----------



## Jellybeans

An "over texter." Funny!

I either get those are the ones who NEVER text.

Grr.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> An "over texter." Funny!
> 
> I either get those are the ones who NEVER text.
> 
> Grr.


I assume no word from grandpa?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> *An "over texter." Funny!*
> 
> I either get those are the ones who NEVER text.
> 
> Grr.


I laughed at that too, reminded me of Seinfeld!


----------



## Another Planet

What qualifies as an over texter?


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> What qualifies as an over texter?


Well im sure everyone's tolerance is different... but in this particular case he was texting me over 2 hrs a day every day and starting early in the morning on weekends... uhhh i have a job, a kid, a life.. i cant just text all day


----------



## Another Planet

Oh ok. I have had girls apologize to me because they think they are texting to much, or that they think they aren't texting back to me soon enough. I just tell them that that is why I like texting is because I will get back to whomever whenever I have a free moment.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Oh ok. I have had girls apologize to me because they think they are texting to much, or that they think they aren't texting back to me soon enough. I just tell them that that is why I like texting is because I will get back to whomever whenever I have a free moment.


I find my capacity for texting varies based on what else is going on. Sometimes I can text a lot, because work is chill. Sometimes I'm maxed out between work and other stuff, and I drop off the face of the planet.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> *hmm i dont think its healthy though either not being able to bend your list of required... no one is really perfect or can live up to everyone's standards... while i think having a list of required or knowing what you want is a good thing, taking it to the extreme is not good either.
> *
> for example on my require list is a college degree... however, if i met someone irl that i clicked with without one that thrilled me in all other areas i would be willing to give it a try ( fyi exh only had a hs degree no college)


And I really think thats what she does. She had an Italian guy hitting on her at the last Meetup. I left so they could continue talking in private, they seemed to be hitting it off. The next day she just rattled off so many things as to why she didn't want to date him. Stuff, that IMO weren't deal breakers on going out on a date. 

But then again, she is looking to date people with LTR/marriage in mind. If anything turns her off she can't see herself with she doesn't date them. Too rigid? Or good boundaries?


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> And I really think thats what she does. She had an Italian guy hitting on her at the last Meetup. I left so they could continue talking in private, they seemed to be hitting it off. The next day she just rattled off so many things as to why she didn't want to date him. Stuff, that IMO weren't deal breakers on going out on a date.
> 
> But then again, she is looking to date people with LTR/marriage in mind. If anything turns her off she can't see herself with she doesn't date them. Too rigid? Or good boundaries?


I think it might be a little too rigid, especially if it's keeping her from ever getting into a LTR. If your rules/requirements are keeping you from seeing anyone long enough to actually develop a connection, you never figure out which of your rules/requirements to keep, and which ones are actually irrelevant. If she hasn't had a LTR since high school, she's never really tested the expectations she set up for herself when she was a teenager.

Sounds to me like she's looking for that "perfect man," and he just doesn't exist. She should be looking for a man who is a good fit for her - and that's not the same thing as the "perfect man." The right fit could be incredibly imperfect, but perfect for her.


----------



## lisab0105

I refuse to get to know someone through texting. If they have a question they want to know, or they want to chat, they can pick up the phone and call me. If I am not home, they can leave me a message. Just like the olden days...ya know..pre-2000. :rofl:

This is why if I ever date again, not only are they not getting laid until we are exclusive, they aren't getting my cell phone # either. Dem da :rules:


----------



## FeministInPink

lisab0105 said:


> I refuse to get to know someone through texting. If they have a question they want to know, or they want to chat, they can pick up the phone and call me. If I am not home, they can leave me a message. Just like the olden days...ya know..pre-2000. :rofl:
> 
> This is why if I ever date again, not only are they not getting laid until we are exclusive, they aren't getting my cell phone # either. Dem da :rules:


You might appreciate this:
Greg Behrendt And Wife Amiira Ruotola Reveal The Truth About Texting And Dating (VIDEO)


----------



## lisab0105

FeministInPink said:


> You might appreciate this:
> Greg Behrendt And Wife Amiira Ruotola Reveal The Truth About Texting And Dating (VIDEO)


Love it...

Use your voice, not your thumbs!!!


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> I refuse to get to know someone through texting. If they have a question they want to know, or they want to chat, they can pick up the phone and call me. If I am not home, they can leave me a message. Just like the olden days...ya know..pre-2000. :rofl:
> 
> This is why if I ever date again, not only are they not getting laid until we are exclusive, they aren't getting my cell phone # either. Dem da :rules:


I dont know lisa its kinda hard to get aways from not texting at all... pretty norm for dating nowadays...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> I dont know lisa its kinda hard to get aways from not texting at all... pretty norm for dating nowadays...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh I know. I am not normal, by any means lol. I also have a long way before I am anywhere near it yet, so I am not going to sweat it.


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> Oh I know. I am not normal, by any means lol. I also have a long way before I am anywhere near it yet, so I am not going to sweat it.


How long has your D been final? Are you a BS?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

lisab0105 said:


> Oh I know. I am not normal, by any means lol. I also have a long way before I am anywhere near it yet, so I am not going to sweat it.


I think it's very normal!!! I'm OK with a little texting/IMing, but if anything is going to happen, I want to move to phone comms pretty quick. So much through digital comms can be misunderstood... or, it could just be someone jerking you around.

Never forget the lesson brought to us by Mant'i Teo: virtual contact = fake girlfriend.

Manti Te'o comes clean on hoax: Notre Dame star says he 'stuck to script' after learning fake girlfriend Lennay Kekua didn't exist last month; 'What would you do?' Te'o asks Katie Couric (VIDEO) - NY Daily News


----------



## Pbartender

Texting is just another tool for communicating. It does have it's uses within a relationship, but can be overused, misused or abused just like any other means of communication.

I have it on good authority that similar complaints were being made about the telephone once it became a household item 50-ish years ago.


----------



## 06Daddio08

No serious discussions via text. If all you have to say is "hey" and we talked within the last 3 hours... save it for when I get home.


----------



## Another Planet

:rofl: I FKN WISH !  To awesome

If Guys and Girls Switched Roles on Valentines - Hilarious! - YouTube


----------



## muskrat

I just dawned on me why I don't post here much anymore. There are so many amazing ladies here. This just raises my expectations and sadly women like you all are hard to come by.:smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

I don't care for texting much either, but sadly it seems impossible to date without texting.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I just dawned on me why I don't post here much anymore. There are so many amazing ladies here. This just raises my expectations and sadly women like you all are hard to come by.:smthumbup:


Aww we miss you Rat.. this is really the only thread I post on... I almost never wander out of LAD these days
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> I just dawned on me why I don't post here much anymore. There are so many amazing ladies here. This just raises my expectations and sadly women like you all are hard to come by.:smthumbup:


Its not just the women that are awesome, some amazing men on this thread as well


----------



## Another Planet

2galsmom said:


> I posted this before lisab, you are not alone, I have been studying the habits of you singles and indeed there is a counter revolution brewing . . .
> 
> Real Men Don't Text


Rhetoric. They are just selling an item...

To say real men don't text is out of touch with current reality. I understand that a man should reach out in person or at the least a phone call to set up an in person meet but seriously texting is way to common now to just not do it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I love texting and if a man wont text, then we wont work.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So BFF Hat replied to me finally - if you recall he had asked me to an improv show Saturday night with a V-day theme but told me "don't read anything into the title" So I replied "sounds like it would normally be great but I'd rather ignore this coming weekend and not go anywhere. He replied "okay" (no caps or punctuation which is odd and reads terse to me) so I explained (that's a bit co-dependent isn't it?) "Not being pouty but if I go out I would rather be with emotionally neutral people LOL" I figured he saw me being invited out by a guy to which I replied I would - gay but he doesn't have to know!

His reply seemed a bit snotty although it was a message so it could be misinterpreted- he said "Huh. And I thought you wanted to hang out and do new stuff. My bad." 

I said "Smartass. Not V-day. Not when it's not going anywhere - too depressing." He said "I see. Okay, so I'll offer the chuckleheads in 4 more weeks when it's the middle of nothing." I said "thanks" and then he changed the topic for a few more exchanges.

Methinks he is upset and thinking about us. I'm not trying to punish him although I'm kind of pleased he cares enough to be upset but after all of this I'm just tired of it. I want to make a decision one way or the other and be done and since he doesn't want ot live in separate houses for 3 years and I'm not going to live together, etc. then might as well rip that bandaid off and I don't even need to address my deal breaker. I can't put my life on hold for 3 years because of kiddo. I'd rather have nothing going on vs. being on hold. I don't deal well with indecision. Make one and stick with it and deal with the consequences, dammit.


----------



## lisab0105

Omg!!! The six million dollar man is on where they introduce The Bionic Woman, I feel like a dorky little kid again. 

*sigh* Lee Majors
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> So BFF Hat replied to me finally - if you recall he had asked me to an improv show Saturday night with a V-day theme but told me "don't read anything into the title" So I replied "sounds like it would normally be great but I'd rather ignore this coming weekend and not go anywhere. He replied "okay" (no caps or punctuation which is odd and reads terse to me) so I explained (that's a bit co-dependent isn't it?) "Not being pouty but if I go out I would rather be with emotionally neutral people LOL" I figured he saw me being invited out by a guy to which I replied I would - gay but he doesn't have to know!
> 
> His reply seemed a bit snotty although it was a message so it could be misinterpreted- he said "Huh. And I thought you wanted to hang out and do new stuff. My bad."
> 
> I said "Smartass. Not V-day. Not when it's not going anywhere - too depressing." He said "I see. Okay, so I'll offer the chuckleheads in 4 more weeks when it's the middle of nothing." I said "thanks" and then he changed the topic for a few more exchanges.
> 
> Methinks he is upset and thinking about us. I'm not trying to punish him although I'm kind of pleased he cares enough to be upset but after all of this I'm just tired of it. I want to make a decision one way or the other and be done and since he doesn't want ot live in separate houses for 3 years and I'm not going to live together, etc. then might as well rip that bandaid off and I don't even need to address my deal breaker. I can't put my life on hold for 3 years because of kiddo. I'd rather have nothing going on vs. being on hold. I don't deal well with indecision. Make one and stick with it and deal with the consequences, dammit.


Maybe I have no patience at all but to me you two sound like you are in a relationship already! :scratchhead:

And why the hell would you even consider putting your life on hold for someone! So this man says he doesn't want to get in the way of your kid... sounds to me like he doesn't want the responsibility of being with someone with kids!!!!! That makes me mad, the kids even if they are 30 never leave and then there is grandkids! If he isn't up for the task of family time then I would say get rid of him!! Kids first, no question


----------



## brokeneric

I think my Vday date just went out the window. A friend got ILUBNILWY sppech from his wife.


----------



## FeministInPink

2galsmom said:


> I posted this before lisab, you are not alone, I have been studying the habits of you singles and indeed there is a counter revolution brewing . . .
> 
> Real Men Don't Text


Hey, all -- I found this book is currently free right now as a B&N nook ebook. Most of the ebook retailers use webcrawlers to price competitively, so it might be free in your preferred ebook store, too. If it isn't right now, it might be free in a day or two.

(Of course, this might be a glitch, and it might be back at its regular price tomorrow.)


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> But they do happen!! Not exactly like the movies, but I have experienced some earth shattering movie like moments


Me too , l could've said l've been far luckier than most l think but eh , so much for that look at me now . What goes around really does come around


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> I don't get it, if men can write romantic hero's that adore their lady love, there is no reason men can't actually BE those guys.
> 
> Most women aren't porn stars, but some of us could f'ck like one if we felt so inclined.
> 
> Just sayin



Think we make better visionaries :rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I was just using myself so I have cold facts to use as an example.
> 
> I am in no way crying about a reason why I am single, I thought for the most part I have made it clear I am not interested in a relationship right now...(which is strange because it seems to make me that much more attractive )
> 
> I was just saying it seems that sooner or later no matter how perfect someone is the grass becomes greener on the other side of the fence, and it goes both ways men and women I'm not singling out women.
> 
> And for the record I have not answered ANY texts or calls from any of the involved women for quite awhile now :smthumbup:
> AND as I stated a few days ago I have told my exwife the messing around trying to be friends stuff is no more. It seems she is taking me seriously after her many texts and calls are going unanswered...time will tell.


Good luck with her AP and hey , at least you won't feel like a [email protected] any more :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Is that the same for my single gf who hasn't had a boyfriend or serious relationship in her adult life? She just needs more time?
> 
> Thats right, not one single serious relationship since graduating high school. Maybe there are other factors at play, but really, I think she has an idea of what she wants, isn't willing to compromise or settle and doesn't.
> 
> I don't know, but hearing her ordeal really got me depressed.



Sounds like my fav sister , forever single , l never know where to look when her love life or lack of comes up . Great girl to , it's weird and plenty depressing .


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know... I get the feeling that guys who say this sort of thing don't have the firmest grasp of the fact that women are not deities, we're just people. Fallible people, just like men are, too.
> 
> Like, she's perfect. Oh, really? So you think she sh!ts rainbows and farts butterflies?
> 
> (unsure, I'm not digging at you or saying that you aren't a catch, I'm just waxing critical about this ideal perfect woman concept.)
> 
> It feels very objectifying to me, and an unrealistic, immature way of looking at the opposite sex and relationships. It also feels a little condescending, as if the person saying it is stroking my ego because they think I'm too fragile to recognize/process that I might actually have any faults.



Ah think ya taking that stuff way outa context F . Been guilty of saying that one myself and l can't speak for others but for me it's just a what l'd like to meet thing.
l know damn well she might be the devil with a [email protected] or a pig at the least.
l'm just saying she has the stuff you know, probably is a silly way of putting it .


----------



## Dollystanford

I have a friend like this - she's nearly 40 and single and always has been. Never had a boyfriend

But you know what? She's got an amazing job, earns a fortune, has travelled the world, had lots of interesting sexual experiences in far flung places, has close family and friends. Who am I to say her life depresses me or is weird because she hasn't settled down with a boyfriend? Her life sounds pretty cool to me - I spent 13 years with a boring couch potato and she was banging her hang gliding instructor in Australia on Xmas day

I know which sounds more depressing


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Texting is just another tool for communicating. It does have it's uses within a relationship, but can be overused, misused or abused just like any other means of communication.
> 
> I have it on good authority that similar complaints were being made about the telephone once it became a household item 50-ish years ago.


Haha , l basically run my life and my whole business via texting. Can't stand the phone unless it's someone l like and feel like talking.
l make 5, 10 k deals all the time via text even a 19k once .
lt's not as risky as you think because what most people don't realize is via voice and phone , you don't actually have much unless you wanna get fancy but via text , you have it all on paper , the lot , well unless ya fkg phone crashes, had that happen in the middle of deals.
You don't have to write a thing , ph numbers , names , addresses ,price, deposits, bank accounts nothin, the whole conversation it's all on paper right in the text , fkg great way to go in business.
l've sorted 1,000s in payments from customers over the years and l've never even spoken to em .
l also have to run a lot of ads for work and l always say at the bottom , if you can't reach me just try a text - ha , like they'll ever reach me l never bother unless it's someone l actually wanna talk to.

Friends can be good too for me anyway. Few sentences and you've caught up  . Great if your a lazy.

Fkg phones now , office and secretary all in your pocket, coolio :smthumbup:

PS , my ex was always sayin , l can't fkg believe you run a business that involves sales and deals day in and out , but never talk to anyone.
Meanwhile she's still getting calls Sundays , 10 oclock at night , boss , clients , hrs on the phone. l use to say babe just train them and your done .
Funny thing , you know what she's finally started doing - since she's single , trained them . Her text tones always goin of but she's not on the phone all night and wkend anymore.


----------



## whitehawk

2galsmom said:


> I posted this before lisab, you are not alone, I have been studying the habits of you singles and indeed there is a counter revolution brewing . . .
> 
> Real Men Don't Text



Haha , l must be a [email protected] , should read what l just wrote :rofl:

ps , aren't you single 2gals ?


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> I love texting and if a man wont text, then we wont work.


Haha , my kinda women.

So does this mean l could ask someone round l haven't seen in 6mths via text or do l have to call her ?


----------



## 06Daddio08

In the last 3 days I've burned 1500 calories plus done weights ... my body is le tired this morning. Lol.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> Haha , l basically run my life and my whole business via texting. Can't stand the phone unless it's someone l like and feel like talking.
> l make 5, 10 k deals all the time via text even a 19k once .
> lt's not as risky as you think because what most people don't realize is via voice and phone , you don't actually have much unless you wanna get fancy but via text , you have it all on paper , the lot , well unless ya fkg phone crashes, had that happen in the middle of deals.
> You don't have to write a thing , ph numbers , names , addresses ,price, deposits, bank accounts nothin, the whole conversation it's all on paper right in the text , fkg great way to go in business.
> l've sorted 1,000s in payments from customers over the years and l've never even spoken to em .
> l also have to run a lot of ads for work and l always say at the bottom , if you can't reach me just try a text - ha , like they'll ever reach me l never bother unless it's someone l actually wanna talk to.
> 
> Friends can be good too for me anyway. Few sentences and you've caught up  . Great if your a lazy.
> 
> Fkg phones now , office and secretary all in your pocket, coolio :smthumbup:
> 
> PS , my ex was always sayin , l can't fkg believe you run a business that involves sales and deals day in and out , but never talk to anyone.
> Meanwhile she's still getting calls Sundays , 10 oclock at night , boss , clients , hrs on the phone. l use to say babe just train them and your done .
> Funny thing , you know what she's finally started doing - since she's single , trained them . Her text tones always goin of but she's not on the phone all night and wkend anymore.


Ditto. Although email not text. As you mentioned, all of the information is there in writing; I can forward to customer service to place the order, I can email spec sheets on products and clearly outline information they can review over and over instead of trying to remember what I told them.

I reply to email on my phone at all hours. I generally don't like calling people on the phone plus if I'm busy I can reply at my convenience and vice versa. I'm not going to chat while cooking dinner, eating dinner, helping with homework or doing laundry. I CAN, however, send a quick reply in between doing all of those things. I love good conversation in person, however. Texting is for quick updates.


----------



## lisab0105

Texting is fine for business...I just have no desire to get to know someone or be wooed by text message.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Texting is fine for business...I just have no desire to get to know someone or be wooed by text message.


What about by internet forum message?


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ditto. Although email not text. As you mentioned, all of the information is there in writing; I can forward to customer service to place the order, I can email spec sheets on products and clearly outline information they can review over and over instead of trying to remember what I told them.
> 
> I reply to email on my phone at all hours. I generally don't like calling people on the phone plus if I'm busy I can reply at my convenience and vice versa. I'm not going to chat while cooking dinner, eating dinner, helping with homework or doing laundry. I CAN, however, send a quick reply in between doing all of those things. I love good conversation in person, however. Texting is for quick updates.



Yeah exactly . Emails are fantastic in business aren't they and as you say it's all there and the junk you can put in them. 
The solicitor sent through the contract for the house sale the other day, it's 30 pages. l thought it'd eff up for sure but it opened like a dream


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> What about by internet forum message?


Forums are great for seeing someone's personality, especially when there are a lot of poeple involved in the discussion. But if I am ever in Canada, you better believe you are either calling me on the phone or calling in person! :ezpi_wink1:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Forums are great for seeing someone's personality, especially when there are a lot of poeple involved in the discussion. But if I am ever in Canada, you better believe you are either calling me on the phone or calling in person! :ezpi_wink1:


Everyone is due for a little vacation from time to time. Wouldn't you agree?


----------



## vi_bride04

Ok, thats it. I'm starting a fundraiser for airfare for one of you guys to go meet the other!


----------



## Jellybeans

COMPLETELY snowed in. It looks like my car is covered in a white down comforter (and the street as well). No friggin clue how I am going to get my car out of this mess. Good thing I got to the grocery store on time last night to stock up on essentials, beginning with wine. Cause it looks like I won't be able to get out of my house til Saturday or Sunday.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

This is me! The look and everything!


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> This is me! The look and everything!


Lmao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

It is a sad, sad day when Colorado weather is the best of the bunch.

In the interest of forum peace and harmony, I'll leave it at that and not go on to mention our nearly 60 degrees of sunshine today....


----------



## 06Daddio08

Haha.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> This is me! The look and everything!


ROFL :lol:


----------



## Jellybeans

While I'm not a big fan of the snow, I am always happy for snow days because it means no work/lectures. Especially when my fridge is stocked.  It's days to catch up on my DVRs, do some reading, watch movies, drink wine and cook up some new dishes. Pretty much do everything I wish I could do when I am away from home (which is like 80% of the time). I feel like I am never home so I greatly love when I am.

Now if only I had a snow sex buddy to share these covers, wine, kisses and my naked body with. Ooh la la.


----------



## 06Daddio08

The only snow days around here are for kids who take the bus on highways. City folk go in no matter what.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> While I'm not a big fan of the snow, I am always happy for snow days because it means no work/lectures. Especially when my fridge is stocked.  It's days to catch up on my DVRs, do some reading, watch movies, drink wine and cook up some new dishes. Pretty much do everything I wish I could do when I am away from home (which is like 80% of the time). I feel like I am never home so I greatly love when I am.
> 
> Now if only I had a snow sex buddy to share these covers, wine, kisses and my naked body with. Ooh la la.


See, I love this part too..but THEN, I have to go outside and shovel the damn driveway, dig out the cars, freeze my a$$ off....BLARGH!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> While I'm not a big fan of the snow, I am always happy for snow days because it means no work/lectures. Especially when my fridge is stocked.  It's days to catch up on my DVRs, do some reading, watch movies, drink wine and cook up some new dishes. Pretty much do everything I wish I could do when I am away from home (which is like 80% of the time). I feel like I am never home so I greatly love when I am.
> 
> Now if only I had a snow sex buddy to share these covers, wine, kisses and my naked body with. Ooh la la.


What kind of wine?


----------



## lisab0105

COGypsy said:


> It is a sad, sad day when Colorado weather is the best of the bunch.
> 
> In the interest of forum peace and harmony, I'll leave it at that and not go on to mention our nearly 60 degrees of sunshine today....


I was thinking of moving to Colorado or back to Boise. Sick of Jersey.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

A bottle of red. Merlot. 

3x--I haven't even mentally prepped myself for that. I have NO clue how I am going to get my car out of that mess.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I have NO clue how I am going to get my car out of that mess.


Hire a Canadian.


----------



## COGypsy

lisab0105 said:


> I was thinking of moving to Colorado or back to Boise. Sick of Jersey.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I say the same thing about Colorado. If I could make the same money somewhere else and didn't have my parents to worry about, I'd be somewhere warm and sunny in a hot minute. 

Of course now we're getting Trader Joe's, so that's a bright spot. If I can regularly access Two-Buck Chuck and Cookie Butter, I might make it a little longer....


----------



## firebelly1

After over a week of sub-zero temperatures today is lovely in Calgary folks. I never thought I'd say "Yay. It's 41 degrees" (fahrenheit. I'm from the states and haven't learned celsius yet.)


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> I was thinking of moving to Colorado or back to Boise. Sick of Jersey.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Both of those are alot closer to Manitoba!


----------



## vi_bride04

firebelly1 said:


> After over a week of sub-zero temperatures today is lovely in Calgary folks. I never thought I'd say "Yay. It's 41 degrees" (fahrenheit. I'm from the states and haven't learned celsius yet.)


Oh man, the temps this week have been amazing. In the 20s & 30s....fricken heat wave it feels like!

Rumor is next week it might be in the mid 40s 

Oh and really no sig snow in the forecast


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Both of those are alot closer to Manitoba!


LOL super smooth, Vi
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> LOL super smooth, Vi
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What can I say, I was born a wingman lol


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh man, the temps this week have been amazing. In the 20s & 30s....fricken heat wave it feels like!
> 
> Rumor is next week it might be in the mid 40s
> 
> Oh and really no sig snow in the forecast


Tonight up to an inch, a clipper is coming through. Over the weekend possibly up to 8" wet heavy snow. Sorry to be the barer of bad news


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Tonight up to an inch, a clipper is coming through. Over the weekend possibly up to 8" wet heavy snow. Sorry to be the barer of bad news












ETA: Forecast for my area - NO SNOW PREDICTED YET!!!!

http://www.weather.com/weather/weekend/Davison+MI+USMI0218:1:US


----------



## Another Planet

LOL sorry, it's my job to pay attention to the weather 

NOAA National Weather Service


----------



## vi_bride04

I still don't see 8" anywhere...


----------



## Another Planet

LOL I know, just wait. I don't want it either but it is better to be ready and it not happen.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> I still don't see 8" anywhere...


Neither do I.


----------



## stillhoping

I have about 6-7 right now, rainy but more snow coming


----------



## Lon

Are we still talking snow?


----------



## Another Planet

lon said:


> are we still talking snow?


lol :d


----------



## vi_bride04

vi_bride04 said:


> I still don't see 8" anywhere...





Another Planet said:


> LOL I know, just wait. I don't want it either but it is better to be ready and it not happen.





Lon said:


> Are we still talking snow?


LOL!!!! :scratchhead:

Good question, but either way, 8" is definitely something to prepare for


----------



## stillhoping

:smthumbup:I was talking snow, but always hoping for more than 6" either way


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Are we still talking snow?


Snow? What aboot it?


----------



## ne9907

Saw this today and thought about yesterday's combo

How to Translate His Texts ... and Everything Else in the Digital Dating World


----------



## Lon

Anyone know the best way to remove silicon caulking?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lon said:


> Anyone know the best way to remove silicon caulking?


From??


----------



## COGypsy

If you find out, let me know. I think that's what the clock on my mother's kitchen wall got attached with. Hard to tell what the old man got into in the middle of the night though. We're thinking we're going to have to get the contractor out to get it off at this point. Whatever he found, it definitely sticks!


----------



## Jellybeans

Well since I am confined to my home in snowcapalypse, I made some BOMB-ass steak for dinner with a buttery red wine garlic sauce. It was divine. I also drank the wine. Hahahaha.


----------



## 06Daddio08

D7 and I finished the cookies. Still have half a container of unfinished ones leftover. Haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

You should become a pastry chef! How cute that you guys bake together?


----------



## Lon

Un fcking believable. I just sold an old 32"tv to a guy on kijiji for a whole $5. Helped him load it into his truck, then come back in my house as the transaction was complete. Then hear a big crunch as he completely smashed into my car that was parked behind him. Then the fcker drives off. This was ten minutes ago.


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg. WTF? I hope you have his contact info so you can report it. That sucks, Lon!


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Un fcking believable. I just sold an old 32"tv to a guy on kijiji for a whole $5. Helped him load it into his truck, then come back in my house as the transaction was complete. Then hear a big crunch as he completely smashed into my car that was parked behind him. Then the fcker drives off. This was ten minutes ago.


What!?! So you have now paid for a TV to be hauled off....that sucks, sorry man :/


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lon said:


> Un fcking believable. I just sold an old 32"tv to a guy on kijiji for a whole $5. Helped him load it into his truck, then come back in my house as the transaction was complete. Then hear a big crunch as he completely smashed into my car that was parked behind him. Then the fcker drives off. This was ten minutes ago.


That sucks. Still have his Kijiji contact info?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> You should become a pastry chef! How cute that you guys bake together?


Haha. Uh ... I love doing this for the kids a few times a year but these cookies (while simple) are a pain in the arse. My back is sore as hell after doing that for almost 2 hours.

... that picture is only half of the cookies, D7 bailed out on me after her class portion was done. :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Omg. WTF? I hope you have his contact info so you can report it. That sucks, Lon!


Yeah got the email address he was using and fortunately a witness saw and noted the plate number. Going to the police station to report a hit and run now


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Un fcking believable. I just sold an old 32"tv to a guy on kijiji for a whole $5. Helped him load it into his truck, then come back in my house as the transaction was complete. Then hear a big crunch as he completely smashed into my car that was parked behind him. Then the fcker drives off. This was ten minutes ago.


WTF!!! wow....


----------



## Lon

Oh and the silicon is for behind the backsplash in the kitchen and around the tub surrounds in the bathrooms


----------



## Jellybeans

This thread cracks me up. 

We get dating updates; horny randomness, guides for online dating; play-by-plays into our own romantic shenanigans; sex and hat updates; weather reports; criminal report activities (and Lon, I hope you do file a police report and he has to pay for the damages he caused--seriously, WTF??); and also...home repair tips.

You guys are so full of win.

:smthumbup:

I love you all.


----------



## Another Planet

Don't forget cookies from Daddio!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah yes, how can we forget about Pastry Chef Daddio.


----------



## ne9907

sooo.... 
I have a fake FB profile to keep tabs on ex's EA (yeah I shouldn't do that), anyway for ages this man kept sending me messages and asking who I was if I knew him etc etc. I have a lot of "friends" on this fake FB which I have never met. 
I began feeling bad for this man who thought I was after him, so I decided to come clean and tell him the true.

He pestered me for a picture but I declined because I do not want to be caught (he could possibly know this woman), so guess what he did?

He sent me a picture of his d!ck!!!! He said "now you have some leverage"..... as if!!! I did not send him a picture and he apologized for pushing me.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> He pestered me for a picture but I declined because I do not want to be caught (he could possibly know this woman), so guess what he did?
> 
> He sent me a picture of his d!ck!!!!


LMAO!!!

:rofl: Ne!!! :rofl:

I do not at all understand why people you barely know do this. That is totally crazy. 

(Is he hot)? :rofl:


----------



## 2galsmom

I am at a loss as to how you have these friends on FB. Did you just create a profile and go and click on random men and ask them to friend you?


----------



## ne9907

@Jelly, nope he isn't attractive.

@ 2galsmom, it is a mixture of men, women, teenagers, have to make it look real! And yes, I just went to this woman's page and began randomly adding her friends, then friend of friends..

Some people accept friend request without even questioning who is at the other end of the computer.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> sooo....
> I have a fake FB profile to keep tabs on ex's EA (yeah I shouldn't do that), anyway for ages this man kept sending me messages and asking who I was if I knew him etc etc. I have a lot of "friends" on this fake FB which I have never met.
> I began feeling bad for this man who thought I was after him, so I decided to come clean and tell him the true.
> 
> He pestered me for a picture but I declined because I do not want to be caught (he could possibly know this woman), so guess what he did?
> 
> He sent me a picture of his d!ck!!!! He said "now you have some leverage"..... as if!!! I did not send him a picture and he apologized for pushing me.


Forward the pic to his mom.


----------



## Lon

And stop stalking your ex!


----------



## Lon

Police report filed muthatrucka!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Don't forget cookies from Daddio!





Jellybeans said:


> Ah yes, how can we forget about Pastry Chef Daddio.


Ha. Thanks.

This weekend the kids and I plan on making banana bread, peanut butter cookies and possibly muffins. It's rather fun, not too expensive once you buy all the ingredients (get a few batches out of it all) and .. it makes the apartment smell rather nice.

Looking forward to this much needed 3 day weekend! Friday is all that stands in the way! Monster Trucks on Saturday night as well.

You all have a good night!


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Police report filed muthatrucka!


Haha. Awesome! 

Your weekend sounds fun, Daddio. 

And Ne--I have to agree--you have to stop stalking ex on FB. If you ever want to get over him...you need to let him go.


----------



## ne9907

I totally agree, I need to stop stalking ex. I will.


----------



## Jellybeans

Way easier said than done, I know.

It may help to just totally block him on FB. Out of sight, out of mind.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Way easier said than done, I know.
> 
> It may help to just totally block him on FB. Out of sight, out of mind.


I deactivated my OWN FB account. It annoys the sh!t out of me.
But I need to go ahead and deactivate the fake account


----------



## 2galsmom

ne9907 said:


> @Jelly, nope he isn't attractive.
> 
> @ 2galsmom, it is a mixture of men, women, teenagers, have to make it look real! And yes, I just went to this woman's page and began randomly adding her friends, then friend of friends..
> 
> Some people accept friend request without even questioning who is at the other end of the computer.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

They all accepted!

And as funny as it is, it may be time to deactivate that account.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Well since I am confined to my home in snowcapalypse, I made some BOMB-ass steak for dinner with a buttery red wine garlic sauce. It was divine. I also drank the wine. Hahahaha.



Yow your a cruel women jb. Wish l could cook , or meet someone that can damn well cook.
l'd like to meet someone that really loved cooking


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Un fcking believable. I just sold an old 32"tv to a guy on kijiji for a whole $5. Helped him load it into his truck, then come back in my house as the transaction was complete. Then hear a big crunch as he completely smashed into my car that was parked behind him. Then the fcker drives off. This was ten minutes ago.




Ooo , that's a nasty , doesn't pay to sell thing's too cheap ya just get ass/h's like that


----------



## brokeneric

lisab0105 said:


> I was thinking of moving to Colorado or back to Boise. Sick of Jersey.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eric waits your arrival, my lady.


----------



## whitehawk

On Facebook right , people can't see you looked at their page can they ?

Also , wtf is timeline ?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Ooo , that's a nasty , doesn't pay to sell thing's too cheap ya just get ass/h's like that


I was just wanting to give it away so i didn't have to haul it somewhere by myself. All went well until he decided that he was gonna bolt when he hit my car.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Way easier said than done, I know.
> 
> It may help to just totally block him on FB. Out of sight, out of mind.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

This way, you can't just randomly pop over to his page and see what's up. It will prevent you from feeding the little "addiction" monster, until eventually the desire to check in goes away.

I blocked my XH and his POSOW, and I'm very glad that I did, because she didn't have the decency to wait until the divorce was final to blow up his feed with pictures of the happy couple and tagging him in statuses, etc.


----------



## vi_bride04

Great cookies, Up, love how you spend time with your kids like that...just amazing. Great dads are such a turn on...don't you think lisa?????  

Went to another meetup, had a blast, danced, talked to about 3-4 guys, got a number....I'm really enjoying being single!


----------



## angelpixie

Ahhh, see...here's what the Singles of TAM are missing out on this year:














































And the true romantic:










:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## Dollystanford

TAM Valentines...

Valentine for Coping With Infidelity!










Valentine for Sex in Marriage!










Valentine for Ladies Lounge!










And for my lovely singles


----------



## whitehawk

Personally l reckon VD can go fk itself this year , that is all


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Those are hilarious!! Thank you for that.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yow your a cruel women jb. Wish l could cook , or meet someone that can damn well cook.
> l'd like to meet someone that really loved cooking


I can cook like a mad man buuuuut that's not what you're looking for lol


----------



## brokeneric

Dating my hand today


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



brokeneric said:


> Dating my hand today


Leftina and Palmela. Fighting for our love on Valentine's Day.


----------



## Dollystanford

Another Planet said:


> I can cook like a mad man buuuuut that's not what you're looking for lol


how does he know if he doesn't try?


----------



## brokeneric

Don't pm any TAM babe today saying 'Thinking about you'. Gonna look really bad.


----------



## brokeneric

Dollystanford said:


> how does he know if he doesn't try?


No baking, I guess


----------



## Dollystanford

I don't think it will look bad just because it's Valentine's Day


----------



## unsure78

Hahahahaha loved it Dolly!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

So my valentines day treat... open my fb this morning to post a pic of me and my son and got an email. It was from a guy I used to work with occasionally, haven't seen for 5 yrs, older, MARRIED, oh and did some prison time. ... happy valentines day, still thinking about you. .. 

WTF... they come out of the woodwork... uggggggggggggggggggggggg
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> So my valentines day treat... open my fb this morning to post a pic of me and my son and got an email. It was from a guy I used to work with occasionally, haven't seen for 5 yrs, older, MARRIED, oh and did some prison time. ... happy valentines day, still thinking about you. ..
> 
> WTF... they come out of the woodwork... uggggggggggggggggggggggg
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Putting him on block?


----------



## Pbartender

Pancakes!










Because... Pancakes!


----------



## vi_bride04

Happy Singles Awareness Day everyone!!! 

Have you hugged a single friend lately? They need love too.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Putting him on block?


I guess adding another one to the list...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Now I want pancakes.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> I guess adding another one to the list...


Have some pancakes, it'll make you feel better.

:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

On the positive side... I have a date for sat night and another for sunday morning....also two more guys i havent set dates with yet...baller unsure back in the house
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Pbartender said:


> Pancakes!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Because... Pancakes!


why aren't they heart shaped?


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Have some pancakes, it'll make you feel better.
> 
> :smthumbup:


Pancakes do make everything better. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> Happy Singles Awareness Day everyone!!!
> 
> Have you hugged a single friend lately? They need love too.


Don't forget, today is also...


Frederick Douglass Day
League of Women Voters Day
Library Lovers Day
National Call In Single Day
National Condom Day
National Cream-Filled Chocolates Day
National Ferris Wheel Day
National Have A Heart Day
National Organ Donor Day
Pet Theft Awareness Day
Quirkyalone Day
Race Relations Day


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> Pancakes!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Because... Pancakes!


WTH no heart shaped ones?!..... 

j/k


----------



## Dollystanford

Wow, everyone's a damn critic - two males demanding heart shaped pancakes!


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Great cookies, Up, love how you spend time with your kids like that...just amazing. Great dads are such a turn on...don't you think lisa?????
> 
> Went to another meetup, had a blast, danced, talked to about 3-4 guys, got a number....I'm really enjoying being single!


----------



## Pbartender

Lon said:


> why aren't they heart shaped?





Another Planet said:


> WTH no heart shaped ones?!.....
> 
> j/k


*NO PANCAKES FOR YOU!*










*COME BACK ONE YEAR!*


----------



## Another Planet

Lol.....

I suck I am actually one of those people that don't like pancakes, waffles, ice cream, cookies, candy, or sweets of any kind really.


----------



## lisab0105

Here ya go guys, don't say you didn't get any action









For the ladies
HAHAHA


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> I suck I am actually one of those people that don't like pancakes...


You've been eating the wrong pancakes.


----------



## vi_bride04

I hate pancakes. Much prefer french toast

French Toast - YouTube

ETA: Your pancakes do look amazing, though PBar. But I'm sure all the women tell you that


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> You've been eating the wrong pancakes.


I'll try anything once! 
I much prefer a couple eggs with potatoes and a meat. I don't know why but I just don't like sugary stuff and what is a pancake without my parents homemade maple syrup? 

My oldest son makes french toast peanut butter jelly banana sandwiches....



vi_bride04 said:


> I hate pancakes. Much prefer french toast
> 
> 
> 
> French Toast - YouTube


:lol:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> maple syrup?


That's all these eyes read in that post and meow I wants maple syrup on ice cream ...


----------



## 3Xnocharm




----------



## brokeneric

Rearm the cupid. Get him a Rem 700.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I got a message on Facebook this morning from hard hat, with a personalized e-card. Pretty much made my morning!


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> That's all these eyes read in that post and meow I wants maple syrup on ice cream ...


What??? 

Is there a name for that dish like poutine is for fries and gravy?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> What???
> 
> Is there a name for that dish like poutine is for fries and gravy?


Poutine is fries, gravy and cheese.

Maple syrup on ice cream I've just dubbed "Fvckin Eh". Hmmmm. The fat kid in me wants!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> That's all these eyes read in that post and meow I wants maple syrup on ice cream ...


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Don't forget, today is also...
> 
> 
> Frederick Douglass Day
> League of Women Voters Day
> *Library Lovers Day*
> National Call In Single Day
> National Condom Day
> National Cream-Filled Chocolates Day
> National Ferris Wheel Day
> National Have A Heart Day
> National Organ Donor Day
> Pet Theft Awareness Day
> Quirkyalone Day
> Race Relations Day


The library is a great place to find a lover, so go to your local library and find one today!


----------



## lisab0105

angelpixie said:


> The library is a great place to find a lover, so go to your local library and find one today!


I haven't seen anyone in my library that I would want to take home for lovin...clearly, my library is lame compared to angel's.


----------



## angelpixie

Any colleges or universities near you? 


:rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


>


Ew? ...

*sniffle* that's okay ... we can still be friends *sniffle*


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> Wow, everyone's a damn critic - two males demanding heart shaped pancakes!


As a man, whom happens to enjoy making pancakes, V-day is the one day a year where I could make them heart shaped without having to question my masculinity. To make round pancakes on V-day is a missed opportunity.

(oh damm, now I'm beginning to question my masculinity again).


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> I'll try anything once!
> I much prefer a couple eggs with potatoes and a meat. I don't know why but I just don't like sugary stuff and what is a pancake without my parents homemade maple syrup?


I'll have to come back to this post later, when I have more time to address it properly.


----------



## Pbartender

Lon said:


> To make round pancakes on V-day is a missed opportunity.


I will have to respectfully disagree with you on this.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> As a man, whom happens to enjoy making pancakes, V-day is the one day a year where I could make them heart shaped without having to question my masculinity. To make round pancakes on V-day is a missed opportunity.
> 
> (oh damm, now I'm beginning to question my masculinity again).


Dude, I just brought a dozen heart shaped pink iced sprinkle cookies that I made to the ladies in our HR department.

Half of them didn't even know I have kids, now that's a masculinity question trap!

I should have walked in there with an apron on and yelled flamboyant "HEEEEEYYYY WHO WANTS COOOOKIES?!" while giggling.


----------



## Pbartender

06Daddio08 said:


> Dude, I just brought a dozen heart shaped pink iced sprinkle cookies that I made to the ladies in our HR department.


Cookies are another matter entirely.


----------



## angelpixie

In my quest to always look for the positive:


----------



## Dollystanford

I love maple syrup but drizzled over far more exciting things than ice cream (and I don't mean heart-shaped pancakes)


----------



## angelpixie

Canadian bacon?


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Canadian bacon?


mmmmm meat


----------



## Dollystanford

well definitely pork of some description


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Ew? ...
> 
> *sniffle* that's okay ... we can still be friends *sniffle*


:lol:

We were doomed from the start


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Dude, I just brought a dozen heart shaped pink iced sprinkle cookies that I made to the ladies in our HR department.
> 
> Half of them didn't even know I have kids, now that's a masculinity question trap!
> 
> I should have walked in there with an apron on and yelled flamboyant "HEEEEEYYYY WHO WANTS COOOOKIES?!" while giggling.


I am sure you had them swooning


----------



## angelpixie

Dolly already sent a Valentine to the TAM Ladies Lounge, so I'll send one to the Men's Clubhouse:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> :lol:
> 
> We were doomed from the start


Never say never. 

Happy Valentine's Day!


----------



## lisab0105

Just paid off my car! 









Happy VDAY American Credit Acceptance!! I hope you choke on my money, you [email protected]


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Never say never.
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day!


Oooh, no he didn't.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I got a message on Facebook this morning from hard hat, with a personalized e-card. Pretty much made my morning!


Hold on 3x...dont think that you can just post that and slide on by no one would notice.....


I thought you and hard hat were just friends? Hes not interested in you in that way?


----------



## angelpixie

And since today is the one-year anniversary of my divorce from Chinless, I'll even send him one:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I blocked my XH and his POSOW, and I'm very glad that I did, because she didn't have the decency to wait until the divorce was final to blow up his feed with pictures of the happy couple and tagging him in statuses, etc.


Ah, an attention-seeker. Those are the worst. She probably felt like she needed to validate it all online to prove something to herself. Lame. Trying too hard. Those couples online are the worst, by the way.



Dollystanford said:


> And for my lovely singles


Good one, Dolly!



whitehawk said:


> Yow your a cruel women jb. Wish l could cook , or meet someone that can damn well cook.
> l'd like to meet someone that really loved cooking


Hehe. I really am a fan of cooking. Love to come up with new dishes and sauces and I could spend all my time inventing things in the kitchen. It is one of my favorite things to do and in a way I find it really soothing.



Pbartender said:


> Pancakes!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Because... Pancakes!


Awesome, Pbar! :smthumbup:



unsure78 said:


> On the positive side... I have a date for sat night and another for sunday morning....also two more guys i havent set dates with yet..*.baller unsure back in the house*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hehehe. Get it, Unsure!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Hold on 3x...dont think that you can just post that and slide on by no one would notice.....
> 
> 
> I thought you and hard hat were just friends? Hes not interested in you in that way?


We are just friends! Its ok for a friend to call you beautiful, is it not?


----------



## firebelly1

06Daddio08 said:


> Dude, I just brought a dozen heart shaped pink iced sprinkle cookies that I made to the ladies in our HR department.
> 
> Half of them didn't even know I have kids, now that's a masculinity question trap!
> 
> I should have walked in there with an apron on and yelled flamboyant "HEEEEEYYYY WHO WANTS COOOOKIES?!" while giggling.


No, you bring me heart shaped cookies, you might just get lucky.


----------



## Dollystanford

3Xnocharm said:


> We are just friends! Its ok for a friend to call you beautiful, is it not?



Only if you don't automatically start picking out your wedding dress in your head


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Don't forget, today is also...
> 
> 
> Library Lovers Day
> 
> National Organ Donor Day





I like both of these a whole lot. 

So remember how I was all confused about how the hell I was going to get my car out of the snow it was buried in? Well I went outside this morning to find that my neighbor had shoveled it for me. He said, "Yeah I did that" and then tried to hit on me. He's 50. So yeah, I am definitely going through a Grandpa Phase. It's legit now. 

 

Old men rule the world! 

I am so thankful to have a nice neighbor and honestly I've never spoken with him before today but it totally warms my heart to know there are kind people out there who will randomly shovel over a foot of snow for you. That is awesome.

AnotherPlanet, you would like my kitchen. Because while I don't have an aversion to sweets, they are pretty scarce in my cooking repertoire. I am not a baker by any stretch. But I AM a carnivore and I do love making a lot of food and meat and etc.

Happy Valentine's Day, my loves!


----------



## firebelly1

This is V day folks. Celebrating the V. Appreciating the V. Happy that I have a V. That's what it's really all about.


----------



## Dollystanford

Happy I have a V and not VD :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

I want heart shaped pancakes smothered in maple syrup, after a long session of love making.


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> I want heart shaped pancakes smothered in maple syrup, after a long session of love making.


I always want a burger after getting it on.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I like both of these a whole lot.
> 
> So remember how I was all confused about how the hell I was going to get my car out of the snow it was buried in? Well I went outside this morning to find that my neighbor had shoveled it for it. He said, "Yeah I did that" and then tried to hit on me. He's 50. So yeah, I am definitely going through a Grandpa Phase. It's legit now.
> 
> 
> 
> Old men rule the world!
> 
> I am so thankful to have a nice neighbor and honestly I've never spoken with him before today but it totally warms my heart to know t here are kind people out there who will randomly shovel over a foot of snow for you. That is awesome.


This is so many kinds of awesome!! :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I always want a burger after getting it on.


+1

Damn geography!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Good Lord I'm going to need to take a leave of absence from here, before I get myself in trouble.

All this food talk and other thoughts are getting my engines going.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> We are just friends! Its ok for a friend to call you beautiful, is it not?


just dont want you to get hurt....again....


----------



## angelpixie

ne9907 said:


> I want heart shaped pancakes smothered in maple syrup, after a long session of love making.





lisab0105 said:


> I always want a burger after getting it on.



Post-coital pizza ftw. Deep dish post-coital pizza. :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

So I have a "f*ck yes" happening for me and I normally wouldn't make such a big deal about asking a girl out BUT this is the one Nsweet told me to lay off of because we have both recently divorced in the last year.

As I have said in the past I am a go with the flow kind of guy and well this is not me going with the flow, I am restraining myself from moving forward and this is driving me crazy. Out of all the girls I wade through I like this one and I do not see anything wrong with giving this a try...I mean it's just a date and the longer I have waited it is almost like it is elevating my expectations...this is not me being my casual self...
What if we decide we don't like each other? How are we ever going to know if we don't try?

Where is Nsweet when I need him?


----------



## angelpixie

I know! I was wondering that, too. He hasn't been around for a few days. :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

If it's a F*CK yes, then go for it! Take one for the team, AP!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> just dont want you to get hurt....again....


Thank you, he and I are square. Its just nice to have a hot guy give you a compliment.


----------



## Lon

Some go for the sausage on a toasted english muffin, with eggs even, for breakfast. But tonight I have a date and I think there may be German/Mennonite sausage in an italian bun, and there will probably be lots of it. Not very romantic except the part about kneeding, massaging and working the ingredients for awhile, and having all day to think about devouring all we can eat.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> So I have a "f*ck yes" happening for me and I normally wouldn't make such a big deal about asking a girl out BUT this is the one Nsweet told me to lay off of because we have both recently divorced in the last year.
> 
> As I have said in the past I am a go with the flow kind of guy and well this is not me going with the flow, I am restraining myself from moving forward and this is driving me crazy. Out of all the girls I wade through I like this one and I do not see anything wrong with giving this a try...I mean it's just a date and the longer I have waited it is almost like it is elevating my expectations...this is not me being my casual self...
> What if we decide we don't like each other? How are we ever going to know if we don't try?
> 
> Where is Nsweet when I need him?


I agree with JB, if its a fvck yes, then go for it! Its YOUR life after all!  And if it turns out you dont like each other, seriously, what have you lost? At least you took the chance!


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> Post-coital pizza ftw. Deep dish post-coital pizza. :smthumbup:


The kind with cheese in the crust?


----------



## Jellybeans

We need some more F*CK YESes in this thread!

:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Yes that is the way I see it....
It was a f*ck yes from the get go I just have been holding back.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dooooo it!


----------



## angelpixie

Lon said:


> The kind with cheese in the crust?



Saucy. With sausage. Lots of sausage.


----------



## Dollystanford

My f*ck yes is about to get a week long full on Dolly sexathon
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

All right lets see how good I can mess this up, heck yeah!

Activate bumbling idiot brain in 5...4...3...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> All right lets see how good I can mess this up, heck yeah!
> 
> Activate bumbling idiot brain in 5...4...3...


Sooth the subconscious expectations and as you said, go with the flow while keeping your boundaries in check.

Hard to do at times I agree, but best of luck!.


----------



## unsure78

and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............one of my dates still appears to be married.... but says Divorced on his profile.... really? appears to have just filed like this month..... are people really this stupid to thing you cannot find out this information, its all online in court records..

well i will get some free drinks and a night out, too bad i thought this one might have some real potential. Though maybe he has been separated for an extend period of time...Im sure i will hear about it... man this is like the third one to lie about it

hahahah take note gentleman, you want to date Unsure you know you a$$ will be fact checked....


----------



## Another Planet

lol

Forever Alone on Valentine's Day - Gallery


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............one of my dates still appears to be married.... but says Divorced on his profile.... really? appears to have just filed like this month..... are people really this stupid to thing you cannot find out this information, its all online in court records..
> 
> well i will get some free drinks and a night out, too bad i thought this one might have some real potential. Though maybe he has been separated for an extend period of time...Im sure i will hear about it... man this is like the third one to lie about it
> 
> hahahah take note gentleman, you want to date Unsure you know you a$$ will be fact checked....


Lol. Detective Unsure! Good thing you found out beforehand!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Lol. Detective Unsure! Good thing you found out beforehand!


Seriously maybe im like crazy but i always try to confirm details...i spent too much time in CWI..hahahahahhahahahah

Really its so easy to verify things online nowadays....


----------



## Jellybeans

Plus, I think our bullsh!t detectors are better or something. Or perhaps we just become cynical or more "realistic."

It's like when that guy faked on me and then came back all "Oh I miss you Jelly" after saying he wanted to explain his abseneces (which he never did), the only thing I said was "Oh you miss you me? Cause I haven't seen or heard from you in a month or two." 

Ain't nobody got time for that!

And also, he won't stop asking me out all the time now. 

I am not going out with him!

By the way, social media guy (yes this is the same guy) invited me over to his house this weekend so he could "cook dinner" for me and was talking it up (he knows I like to cook). I did not respond.

Omg.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............one of my dates still appears to be married.... but says Divorced on his profile.... really? appears to have just filed like this month..... are people really this stupid to thing you cannot find out this information, its all online in court records..
> 
> well i will get some free drinks and a night out, too bad i thought this one might have some real potential. Though maybe he has been separated for an extend period of time...Im sure i will hear about it... man this is like the third one to lie about it
> 
> hahahah take note gentleman, you want to date Unsure you know you a$$ will be fact checked....


And another reason that I will never do online dating again......barf.



> By the way, social media guy (yes this is the same guy) invited me over to his house this weekend so he could "cook dinner" for me and was talking it up (he knows I like to cook). I did not respond.
> 
> Omg.


He is trying to wear you down, jb.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............one of my dates still appears to be married.... but says Divorced on his profile.... really? appears to have just filed like this month..... are people really this stupid to thing you cannot find out this information, its all online in court records..
> 
> well i will get some free drinks and a night out, too bad i thought this one might have some real potential. Though maybe he has been separated for an extend period of time...Im sure i will hear about it... man this is like the third one to lie about it
> 
> hahahah take note gentleman, you want to date Unsure you know you a$$ will be fact checked....


I can't tell if you are being serious or sarcastic?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Lol. Detective Unsure! Good thing you found out beforehand!


But what did she find out exactly?


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> He is trying to wear you down, jb.


All it is doing is turning me off. Seriously. I was turned off the moment I told him I was not interesting in seeing him/going on another date so you can only imagine how this relentlessness of me not even RESPONDING to him is making me feel.

It is truly BIZARRE. 

I have never had this experience. Generally when you tell a guy you aren't into them, they back off.


----------



## Dollystanford

that he said he was divorced and he isn't?
if you're separated and not divorced yet then say so


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> All it is doing is turning me off. Seriously. I was turned off the moment I told him I was not interesting in seeing him/going on another date so you can only imagine how this relentlessness of me not even RESPONDING to him is making me feel.
> 
> It is truly BIZARRE.
> 
> I have never had this experience. Generally when you tell a guy you aren't into them, they back off.


So I'm assuming he didn't hook you up with anyone your calibre?


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. Not yet, Lon. 

I did not take your awesome advice of asking me to hook me up with any hot men he knows...



Do you guys ever feel gross for having hooked up with someone? Like, you look back and wonder what was I thinking?


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> that he said he was divorced and he isn't?
> if you're separated and not divorced yet then say so


Maybe there was no option to select for "going through divorce" so he rounded up to "divorced" rather than rounding down to "separated"? He sounds like an optimist, isn't that supposed to be a good quality?


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Not yet, Lon.
> 
> I did not take your awesome advice of asking me to hook me up with any hot men he knows...
> 
> 
> 
> Do you guys ever feel gross for having hooked up with someone? Like, you look back and wonder what was I thinking?


when I say "hook up" I mean in the classical pre-1999 sense of setting you up on a date.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> All it is doing is turning me off. Seriously. I was turned off the moment I told him I was not interesting in seeing him/going on another date so you can only imagine how this relentlessness of me not even RESPONDING to him is making me feel.
> 
> It is truly BIZARRE.
> 
> I have never had this experience. Generally when you tell a guy you aren't into them, they back off.


JB, cant you block him from texting and calling? :scratchhead:


----------



## Lon

3Xnocharm said:


> JB, cant you block him from texting and calling? :scratchhead:


she wants him firmly in the friendzone (because he has hot male friends in his circle that may pan out?)


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah, I can block him. 

He is more annoying than anything else. I have blocked people from calling me before but those were other cases, where I felt odd about them. This guy seems harmless albeit, a nuissance.

Lon, i can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not. I am not "keeping him around" for a "friendzone" benefit. I never see this guy nor do I really consider him a good friend. We went on dates and he flaked and that's it. He resurfaced and I told him I wasn't interested anymore. Thent eh slew of him trying to get me to go out with him after It old him No. 



Lon said:


> when I say "hook up" I mean in the classical pre-1999 sense of setting you up on a date.


Yeah that is how I took it that you meant it.  (but the later part, i meant like a sexual making out/hook up).

I could always tell him I met someone but that would be lying and I don't like lying to people.


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Lon, i can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not. I am not "keeping him around" for a "friendzone" benefit. I never see this guy nor do I really consider him a good friend. We went on dates and he flaked and that's it. He resurfaced and I told him I wasn't interested anymore. Thent eh slew of him trying to get me to go out with him after It old him No.


Yeah I would just block him if hes not even a friend and just an old dater coming back from the past. Should even tell him that b/c of him not getting the point, he is going to be blocked, lol


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Maybe there was no option to select for "going through divorce" so he rounded up to "divorced" rather than rounding down to "separated"? He sounds like an optimist, isn't that supposed to be a good quality?


sounds like a lie to me........

as i have found if people lie about things off the bat like age, what town they live in, or divorced status... what else are they going to lie about?

and if he is still separated not divorced it should have been stated by him in one of the initial emails... 

I will listen to his story but this doesn't bode well for him...I get why he prob puts divorced instead of separated as a lot of people wont answer emails from separated person, one of my general rules I will not play with married men (been around here on TAM for that- seen to many people getting hurt with that) but to each their own of course.... and depending on the situation i may make an exception to my rule.


----------



## unsure78

my second guy has now been vetted as well... divorced for over a year...:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> my second guy has now been vetted as well... divorced for over a year...:smthumbup:


Unsure, what sites do you use to find your info?


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> And another reason that I will never do online dating again......barf.


If I had another viable option to meeting people regularly I would... its not that bad you just learn 1) a lot of people stretch the truth 2) how to find people online and verify things


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Unsure, what sites do you use to find your info?


well what actually works well for me are: 
1)FB almost everyone one puts stuff up in fb (and you can get a sense of the individual by what they put up there)
2) county court records that are available online... can look up if they have any criminal history, when D was filed and finalized
3) usually goolge them as well to see what else comes up

none of this stuff takes more than a few minutes and can be done for free as long as you know a first and last name and generally where they live....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> sounds like a lie too me........
> 
> as i have found if people lie about things off the bat like age, what town they live in, or divorced status... what else are they going to lie about?
> 
> and if he is still separated not divorced it should have been stated by him in one of the initial emails...
> 
> I will listen to his story but this doesn't bode well for him...I get why he prob puts divorced instead of separated as a lot of people wont answer emails from separated person, one of my general rules I will not play with married men (been around here on TAM for that- seen to many people getting hurt with that) but to each their own of course.... and depending on the situation i may make an exception to my rule.


Ummmm. I question why you would even go based upon that info.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


>


oh yes please...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

UGH! I am fighting an uphill battle here!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/167577-time-figure-out.html


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> If I had another viable option to meeting people regularly I would... its not that bad you just learn 1) a lot of people stretch the truth 2) how to find people online and verify things



I'm going to be devil's advocate here, unsure. If you don't have another viable option to meeting people regularly, MAKE ONE. Online dating has a really high percentage of codependents, passive aggressives, socially awkward, and people "stuck" in their circumstances. Not saying it can't happen, but..... I like to play the percentages. 

But, hey. Whatever floats your boat.


----------



## FeministInPink

Pbartender said:


> Don't forget, today is also...
> 
> 
> Frederick Douglass Day
> League of Women Voters Day
> Library Lovers Day
> National Call In Single Day
> National Condom Day
> National Cream-Filled Chocolates Day
> National Ferris Wheel Day
> National Have A Heart Day
> National Organ Donor Day
> Pet Theft Awareness Day
> Quirkyalone Day
> Race Relations Day


It's also International Book Giving Day!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> sounds like a lie to me........
> 
> as i have found if people lie about things off the bat like age, what town they live in, or divorced status... what else are they going to lie about?
> 
> and if he is still separated not divorced it should have been stated by him in one of the initial emails...
> 
> I will listen to his story but this doesn't bode well for him...I get why he prob puts divorced instead of separated as a lot of people wont answer emails from separated person, one of my general rules I will not play with married men (been around here on TAM for that- seen to many people getting hurt with that) but to each their own of course.... and depending on the situation i may make an exception to my rule.


What was his response to you when you asked him about his marital status?


----------



## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm going to be devil's advocate here, unsure. If you don't have another viable option to meeting people regularly, MAKE ONE. *Online dating has a really high percentage of codependents, passive aggressives, socially awkward, and people "stuck" in their circumstances.* Not saying it can't happen, but..... I like to play the percentages.
> 
> But, hey. Whatever floats your boat.


Hmm... that's some food for thought. And maybe why my XH found a GF (the POSOW) on ******* so quickly!

:rofl:

But, seriously, peeps, it might be a good reason to steer clear? I gave it an (unsuccessful) try once, but I was thinking of giving it another go... maybe I should re-think that.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> What was his response to you when you asked him about his marital status?


It is stated on the match site as divorced...the how long have you been divorced question doesn't usually come up till you are in person... I will ask him tomorrow on our date, and im sure watch him become uncomfortable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

And for you all, my friend Laurie's piece on HuffPost about her first V-Day after leaving her husband.

Valentine's Day: Love The One You're WithÂ*|Â*Laurie Lesser

I wish she had written this last year, as last year was my first V-Day alone... but I think I was in shock last year. V-Day was only 4 days after he moved out. So I feel like this article is more apropos for V-Day 2014.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm going to be devil's advocate here, unsure. If you don't have another viable option to meeting people regularly, MAKE ONE. Online dating has a really high percentage of codependents, passive aggressives, socially awkward, and people "stuck" in their circumstances. Not saying it can't happen, but..... I like to play the percentages.
> 
> But, hey. Whatever floats your boat.


I would like to expand my options, I do get asked out irl but usually buy men I have no interest in at all. There are decent people on match just finding them is the a bit of the challenge...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I haven't actually tried any of those match/eharmonies/etc. 

He just wished me a happy V day.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> But, seriously, peeps, it might be a good reason to steer clear? I gave it an (unsuccessful) try once, but I was thinking of giving it another go... maybe I should re-think that.


Naaaaa stay clear. Do single meetup groups instead. Really nice to see body language and have face to face interaction before deciding if you want to go on a date with someone. 

I am not doing the online dating thing again.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> finding them is the a bit of the challenge...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not debating there aren't decent people.....just a very low percentage. Why not find something you can enjoy and meet people at the same time? Online dating is for one purpose----dating. Is that your hobby?


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Not debating there aren't decent people.....just a very low percentage. Why not find something you can enjoy and meet people at the same time? Online dating is for one purpose----dating. Is that your hobby?


Lol...apparently it is right now hahahaha... it is my distraction right now from having to just deal with the miltitude of other things going on in my life. ... I enjoy first dates, meeting someone new, hearing their story... I generally find first dates enjoyable even if im not into the person....

You are correct though I need to expand
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## worley

Dollystanford said:


> My f*ck yes is about to get a week long full on Dolly sexathon
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


less than 24 hours now :woohoo:


----------



## unsure78

worley said:


> less than 24 hours now :woohoo:


Countdown has begun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Lol...apparently it is right now hahahaha... it is my distraction right now from having to just deal with the miltitude of other things going on in my life. ... I enjoy first dates, meeting someone new, hearing their story... I generally find first dates enjoyable even if im not into the person....
> 
> You are correct though I need to expand
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then, do it.  Gotta think long term emotional health for unsure!


----------



## bandit.45

Happy Valentines Day ladies!


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Same to you, Bandit. And I am reading your well wishes and imagining you dressed up like a zorro in your avatar, coming to town all Don-Juan like to make the ladies fall in love with you.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Same to you, Bandit. And I am reading your well wishes and imagining you dressed up like a zorro in your avatar, coming to town all Don-Juan like to make the ladies fall in love with you.


Alas...

My sword is bent, my horse died and I can't fit into the black suit anymore....


----------



## Dollystanford

well a bent sword isn't all bad


----------



## unsure78

Xoxo bandito
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Dollystanford said:


> well a bent sword isn't all bad


In fact, if it's bent the right way, there could be an advantage! 

Off too woo myself with a chunk of brie in crescent dough and a bottle of white wine.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I'm out. Off to Florida for the weekend with the gf......will be indisposed. :smthumbup: Have a great weekend everyone!


----------



## vi_bride04

Time to get ready for Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D)  

Doing a bar crawl with a group of singles, friend of a friend I've known for a long time put it together. Should be fun. I wonder how many horrible dating stories there will be, LOL

Will be good to keep my focused on myself and not dating after hearing some I'm sure...hahaha


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Alas...
> 
> My sword is bent, my horse died and I can't fit into the black suit anymore....


Aww. You just need a little coaxing.

Dedicated: make sure you mess up her hair really good.

Vi--that sounds so fun. Have a blast!


----------



## angelpixie

Happy Valentine's Day, Bandit!!


----------



## ne9907

I stole this from another thread. Exactly what I need.


----------



## Another Planet

NE thats...


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## 2galsmom

I know the pressing issue is Valentines Day, but does anyone else have this ad at TAM? 

Does he look to a klingon to anyone else?


----------



## Jellybeans

AP--that is funny.

2gals...yes, he looks like a Klingon. Or Billy Ray Cyrus after drinking too much alcohol and smoking pot thinking "I can'thang like I used to." 

Hahaha.


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> I know the pressing issue is Valentines Day, but does anyone else have this ad at TAM?
> 
> Does he look to a klingon to anyone else?


I see that almost everytime I log in! I think it is a PSA about recognizing zombie symptoms....


----------



## jpr

My hat made a donation in my name to a local animal rescue for Valentine's day.



I am in love.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hilarious post divorce comment from D7.

I decided to try on a few old shirts that I haven't fit in for over 8 years, ones I used to wear back in the day when I met the ex. While trying it on D7 walks by and says that the shirt looks really nice, asks me where I got it from.

I tell her I've had the shirt for a long time, and I haven't been able to fit into it since the day I met her mother. She looks at me and says, "The next time we go to mom's you should wear it. I bet she will say that you look nice."

Bahahaha. Kids say the darndest things.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, the V-Day got me thinking about my XH and all the BS he threw my way. (I told my friend once that I should write a blog titled "D!ck Moves by My Ass Hat Ex-Husband." She said she would definitely read it.)

And I thought about all the men buying flowers today.

For Valentine's Day 2010, he bought me an illustrated encyclopedia of roses, like this: Botanica's Roses: Over 1, 000 Pages & over 2, 000 Plants Listed (Botanica): William A. Grant: 9781571456618: Amazon.com: Books. He announced that this purchase absolved him of any and all obligations to buy me flowers, ever again.

I was thirty years old. We had been married less than three years. He never bought me flowers again; not for a birthday, not for Valentine's Day, not even when I finished graduate school.

(He sends his mother and grandmother flowers on Mother's Day and their birthdays, faithfully.)

So, today? I bought myself some fvcking flowers.


----------



## 2galsmom

The weird thing about Billy Ray is as soon as I posted that, a clean shaven blondish man with shorter hair sans tattoo took his place, apparently it is an ad about a parasite. 

 again

I did NOT watch the video.

Feminist in Pink I will find your blog and follow it, I am just getting the hang of the software. Enjoy your flowers. I bought myself new brakes! It shows my love of other motorists into which I do not want to collide.


----------



## Nsweet

Hello beautiful single people.

So..... What are you guys doing for Valentines Day?


----------



## FeministInPink

2 gals, I didn't actually start a blog. I said it would be funny if I did 

Of course, I would run out of posts, eventually - we were only married for 6 years


----------



## Ikaika

Nsweet said:


> Hello beautiful single people.
> 
> So..... What are you guys doing for Valentines Day?


Happy Valentine's to my friends. I know I could have bought these and they would have looked nice. Decided to make them myself. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/79257-mr-mrs-drerios-journey-27.html

Still early here. First day of feeling better. I want to workout and then make dinner.


----------



## Another Planet

Today turned out good enough for me even for a Valentines day. I had my kids so I wasn't going anywhere. My awesome aunt from San Francisco has moved back to Michigan this last year and decided to come bring us take out for dinner and me some Bell's Hopslam Ale! Awesome seasonal local brew! 
Talked to new Match girl a bunch and a handful of other wonderful people that are in my life... good day 
Oh and exwife just keeps fckn her life up and mine keeps getting better everyday...priceless


----------



## Nsweet

drerio said:


> Happy Valentine's to my friends. I know I could have bought these and they would have looked nice. Decided to make them myself.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/79257-mr-mrs-drerios-journey-27.html
> 
> Still early here. First day of feeling better. I want to workout and then make dinner.


Ah, I see...... Chocolate covered strawberries. 

Did you use a double boiler? I know chocolate is kinda hard to work with. You have to add some kind of fat to get it to stick to anything and not form uneven lumps. And it has to be the perfect temperature and consistency when you dip anything in it.

I saying this because I have always wanted to make somebody homemade chocolates. So every once in a while I will read up everything I can about making chocolate. I want to try making something with the world's best chocolate which is like $800 a pound and only sold in Europe.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet, I do a makeshift double boiler out of a sauce pan and a metal mixing bowl. I think it's a tblspn of butter per regular sized Hersey bar or somewhere around there.


----------



## Nsweet

I've use a glass bowl floating in a pan of water to make fat free low carb eggnog. It was pretty good, but you have to watch it closely or it will cook into a sweet vanilla flavored omlet.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh yeah, glad I came out, sitting in between 2 cute guys who are nice to talk to  and single!!


----------



## angelpixie

Hershey's? tsk Even at the grocery you can find better quality, like Guittard or Ghirardelli chips in the baking aisle. And homemade truffles are super easy peasy, Nsweet.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Hilarious post divorce comment from D7.
> 
> I decided to try on a few old shirts that I haven't fit in for over 8 years, ones I used to wear back in the day when I met the ex. While trying it on D7 walks by and says that the shirt looks really nice, asks me where I got it from.
> 
> I tell her I've had the shirt for a long time, and I haven't been able to fit into it since the day I met her mother. She looks at me and says, "The next time we go to mom's you should wear it. I bet she will say that you look nice."
> 
> Bahahaha. Kids say the darndest things.


Awww, that is so cute. My first reaction was that you should do it just to make D7 happy...than I remembered why you are on TAM.


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> Awww, that is so cute. My first reaction was that you should do it just to make D7 happy...than I remembered why you are on TAM.


Wait .. why am I on TAM?

(Not kidding, this one flew right over my head).


----------



## 2galsmom

FeministinPink, I thought you had a blog because of what we discussed once in Phil's thread after we explored the boiling frog metaphor hence my confusion but don't devote a blog to an ass hat, you can do better. But if if you did blog on an ass hat I would support you.

It is the thought that counts and it is a beautiful thought derio. Excellent work.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Wait .. why am I on TAM?
> 
> (Not kidding, this one flew right over my head).


To meet hot women????

j/k  

My point was that I remembered your ex would be one of the last people you would care to impress.


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> To meet hot women????
> 
> j/k
> 
> My point was that I remembered your ex would be one of the last people you would care to impress.


While it took me quite a while to get there, you remembered correctly.

As for the attractive lady ... it's been quite the joy.


----------



## Nsweet

Does anybody here still remember Valentines Day in elementary school?

Call me crazy but I kinda miss getting little cheaply made cards with the *"To:"* and *"From:"* and the waxy penny candy stuck on the back. They always featured cartoon characters with word bubbles saying cheesy things about Valentines Day, but you always loved getting a ton of them with the heard shaped chocolates. 

I bet it would be fun to replicate that for a more adult party. Maybe speed dating with candy and cards or little stickers and those godawful chalky hearts that say things like "b mine" or "I wuv u". I don't if it is juvenile and stupid, it's the thought that counts anyways and everybody still remembers that feeling.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> Does anybody here still remember Valentines Day in elementary school?
> 
> Call me crazy but I kinda miss getting little cheaply made cards with the *"To:"* and *"From:"* and the waxy penny candy stuck on the back. They always featured cartoon characters with word bubbles saying cheesy things about Valentines Day, but you always loved getting a ton of them with the heard shaped chocolates.
> 
> I bet it would be fun to replicate that for a more adult party. Maybe speed dating with candy and cards or little stickers and those godawful chalky hearts that say things like "b mine" or "I wuv u". I don't if it is juvenile and stupid, it's the thought that counts anyways and everybody still remembers that feeling.


We used to make things called "Warm Fuzzies" which was a heart shaped book and within it ... pages of things you loved. Haha.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> To meet hot women????
> 
> j/k
> 
> My point was that I remembered your ex would be one of the last people you would care to impress.


Actually..... I have seen some beautiful women on TAM. Like jaw dropping beautiful women of every size, shape, age, and color. 

Some of these betrayed wives and separated single mothers you wouldn't think that they could be so gorgeous by the way they tear themselves down when talking about their divorce or stbxh's affair..... But my god! When they finally post a pic they get hit on non stop on TAM. I don't even come here to flirt BTW, I'm just telling what I've seen. 

I can think of like 20 women off the top of my head. Some who are still members, a few who don't come here any more, some who post in this very thread, a few mods, and a couple who have moved on and remarried. I can remember this one blonde woman who got hit on by straight women she was that hot.:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I can cook like a mad man buuuuut that's not what you're looking for lol



Really , nice . PB l think it is is a great cook too.
Everyone laughs when l put something on a plate , even the dog :rofl:
Although l have been trying to master pizza for 3yrs now and l'm ok at that , sometimes l make a beauty .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Really , nice . PB l think it is is a great cook too.
> Everyone laughs when l put something on a plate , even the dog :rofl:
> Although l have been trying to master pizza for 3yrs now and l'm ok at that , sometimes l make a beauty .


LOL not that I am trying to perpetuate anything but...

1cup warm water mix in Tblspn yeast and tspn sugar let yeast activate
while letting the yeast activate
3cups flour 1tspn salt 1tspn Italian seasoning in the mixer
10min or so till yeast activates then dump yeast water in mixing bowl and hit it for 4-5min
ball up dough and rub evoo on both sides
cover with towel and let rise for an hour in a stable warm temp with a towel over the bowl
cut in 2 sections after dough rises and then ball up then let set on counter for 10min(makes 2 pizzas)
then make your pizzas


----------



## Nsweet

I love making homemade bread. I would kill to be in a place where I can make bread using the French method, but it makes a ton of noise. Too much for a 2nd story apartment.


----------



## Ikaika

Nsweet said:


> Ah, I see...... Chocolate covered strawberries.
> 
> 
> 
> Did you use a double boiler? I know chocolate is kinda hard to work with. You have to add some kind of fat to get it to stick to anything and not form uneven lumps. And it has to be the perfect temperature and consistency when you dip anything in it.
> 
> 
> 
> I saying this because I have always wanted to make somebody homemade chocolates. So every once in a while I will read up everything I can about making chocolate. I want to try making something with the world's best chocolate which is like $800 a pound and only sold in Europe.



I did use a double boiler and added a fat. I probably did not hit the right temp to get a smoother chocolate.


----------



## 2galsmom

I have made HUNDREDS of those drerio, I made them for school kids. By the looks of the chocolate, the temp became too high, that makes the chocolate grainy - the point of no return. My friend a Cordon Bleu trained chef was the only person who could fix the chocolate once it became grainy but it still was grainy.

You have to watch it like a hawk.

All you need is a glass bowl and chocolate chips, melt them in the microwave slowly, 30 seconds, then another, stirring until you get a smooth consistency in between microwave blasts, dip strawberries and viola! they harden. You can add some milk or cream to the chocolate but you do not need to, again A+ effort dealing with a double boiler.

I know I always pimp this site, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. This Valentine's Day, try celebrating not being in love.  Or loving yourself.

Why Love Addiction Deprives Us of Love and How to Let It In

I am.


----------



## Ikaika

2galsmom said:


> I have made HUNDREDS of those drerio, I made them for school kids. By the looks of the chocolate, the temp became too high, that makes the chocolate grainy - the point of no return. My friend a Cordon Bleu trained chef was the only person who could fix the chocolate once it became grainy but it still was grainy.
> 
> You have to watch it like a hawk.
> 
> All you need is a glass bowl and chocolate chips, melt them in the microwave slowly, 30 seconds, then another, stirring until you get a smooth consistency in between microwave blasts, dip strawberries and viola! they harden. You can add some milk or cream to the chocolate but you do not need to, again A+ effort dealing with a double boiler.
> 
> I know I always pimp this site, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. This Valentine's Day, try celebrating not being in love.  Or loving yourself.
> 
> Why Love Addiction Deprives Us of Love and How to Let It In
> 
> I am.



That is what my wife said. I did watch it, but I think I let it get too hot. First time I attempted it, I will get it. I was rookie at homemade pizzas, now I can turn those with no problem. 

Thank you for the advice. .


----------



## Nsweet

Here's an interesting article I know angelpixie will like.
The Precarious Couple Effect | Psychology Today


----------



## 2galsmom

drerio said:


> That is what my wife said. I did watch it, but I think I let it get too hot. First time I attempted it, I will get it. I was rookie at homemade pizzas, now I can turn those with no problem.
> 
> Thank you for the advice. .


This made me smile, I too have stood there and watched, watched it go into graininess before my very eyes, hence my advice. If you can do pizzas you will master these, piece of cake. You are welcome. 

Happy Valentine's Day to you and your wife.


----------



## angelpixie

That was very interesting, Nsweet, thanks!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> That was very interesting, Nsweet, thanks!


If you liked that you'll like this. 
5 Terrifying Ways Being in Love Chemically Impairs You | Cracked.com

I liked the part about the woman's testosterone skyrocketing while the man's testosterone will lower during the first stages of a relationship. This sorta explains why the sex is better and men are sweeter while "falling in love", but afterwards the candy shop closes and guys turn more d!ckish.

Every once in a while I google relationship questions on medical study search engines to see what science has to say. So far I'm seeing that opposites only attract for a little while, and cheating/affairs are more likely to happen when the relationship grows stale and you both stop trying to be romantic.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> LOL not that I am trying to perpetuate anything but...
> 
> 1cup warm water mix in Tblspn yeast and tspn sugar let yeast activate
> while letting the yeast activate
> 3cups flour 1tspn salt 1tspn Italian seasoning in the mixer
> 10min or so till yeast activates then dump yeast water in mixing bowl and hit it for 4-5min
> ball up dough and rub evoo on both sides
> cover with towel and let rise for an hour in a stable warm temp with a towel over the bowl
> cut in 2 sections after dough rises and then ball up then let set on counter for 10min(makes 2 pizzas)
> then make your pizzas



See believe it or not l am so confused reading this. But that's what l'm like trying to cook , like a 2yr old.
l'll have to print this would you believe , sorta study it . l gave up on the yeast thing and started cheating with self raising but it's not the same. l know it must be so simple to someone that can cook yet to me it's like a minefield.

And the toppings you know , people just throw stuff everywhere and it looks beautiful but that takes me about an hour and only now and then looks good.

But l'm still determined , l want the whole deal , yeast and all , one day :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

2galsmom said:


> FeministinPink, I thought you had a blog because of what we discussed once in Phil's thread after we explored the boiling frog metaphor hence my confusion but don't devote a blog to an ass hat, you can do better. But if if you did blog on an ass hat I would support you.


Quite right, 2 gals, quite right. (Though some of the stories end up coming out quite funny when I tell them...)

I DO have a blog, but I haven't posted anything since last summer. If I every start it back up again, it will have to be deliberate and planned, because I don't want to do it half-assed.


----------



## Pbartender

drerio said:


> I did use a double boiler and added a fat. I probably did not hit the right temp to get a smoother chocolate.





2galsmom said:


> I have made HUNDREDS of those drerio, I made them for school kids. By the looks of the chocolate, the temp became too high, that makes the chocolate grainy - the point of no return. My friend a Cordon Bleu trained chef was the only person who could fix the chocolate once it became grainy but it still was grainy.
> 
> You have to watch it like a hawk.


I've never messed around much with melting chocolate, but I can make a good Hollandaise sauce. The basic principles are the same. Here's a few thoughts that might help...

With Hollandaise sauce, you are using a lot of egg yolks and some butter to make a rich, delicious sauce. The goal is to cook the yokes very slowly and very evenly just enough so that they thicken, but not so much that the protein in the yokes denatures and turns your sauce into scrambled eggs.

That's why most people use a double boiler. A double boiler suspends what your cooking in a pot of boiling water. While water is boiling, it maintains a constant temperature of 212F -- or 100C -- until it boils away into steam or stops boiling and starts cooling down. That should guarantee that what you are cooking won't get too hot.

However...

You can still have hot spots in your pan. The chocolate on the outside edges near the boiling water will be hotter than the chocolate in the middle. That's why you have to stir furiously and constantly. It helps to even out any remaining temperature variations, and also mixes the added fat into a smooth suspension to create the sauce.

So, patience, patience, patience. Stir a lot, use slow, even heat. And for heaven's sake, once you get the sauce just right, get it out of the cook pot into a warm serving dish. If you leave it in the cook pot, it'll keep cooking in the hot pot and end up overcooking when you least expect it. If you put it in a cool dish, it'll cool and congeal.


Now. Here's a secret I learned for making Hollandaise sauce without a double boiler. Maybe it'll help with chocolate sauce...

You take room temperature egg yolks, and thoroughly whisk them in a bowl. Set them aside. Then, you melt your butter in a pan, until its very hot and bubbly.

Then, you add the hot butter to the room temperature eggs, while whisking like crazy. The hot butter itself cooks the egg yolks just enough to thicken them the right enough to make the sauce.

You could try something similar with chocolate.


----------



## Another Planet

I make a hallondaise in the blender with hot butter. Turns out great every time.....think I might go make some eggs Benedict right now 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Morning peeps....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I'm not going to lie but that was probably the best frckn valentines day I have had in like... ever maybe  
My exwife had/has this special ability to just ruin everything and now that I have cut her out AGAIN it's like I am stabilizing.
I got a full nights sleep, coffee is tasting awesome this morning, prepping some snacks for tonight's card game with the guys, no stress..... I just feel like smiling


----------



## vi_bride04

Had such a great time last night. Talked to many many many guys. But I do have to say while getting hit on by 25 yr olds is somewhat of a confidence booster, it gets old and annoying fast. 

Danced, drank, ate good food and had good conversation with lots of interesting people. Plan on hanging out with this group of peeps more. They live further in the city but they really know some great places to go.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Had such a great time last night. Talked to many many many guys. But I do have to say while getting hit on by 25 yr olds is somewhat of a confidence booster, it gets old and annoying fast.
> 
> Danced, drank, ate good food and had good conversation with lots of interesting people. Plan on hanging out with this group of peeps more. They live further in the city but they really know some great places to go.


Thats cool VI  glad you had a good time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Every once in a while I google relationship questions on medical study search engines to see what science has to say. So far I'm seeing that opposites only attract for a little while, and cheating/affairs are more likely to happen when the relationship grows stale and you both stop trying to be romantic.


That's pretty standard. When the romance wears off, all the ickiness begins/rears its ugly head. That ain't science, that's just facts. LOL.


----------



## Another Planet

Some 70-Something Women Having ‘Best Sex Ever’? Really? (Yes.) | CommonHealth


----------



## ne9907

Restoring faith in FB?

These Couples Found Love on Facebook


----------



## Another Planet

I personally really like FB. 
When it first started I HATED it but only because I knew deep down inside who my wife really was and I was paranoid that it was just another avenue for her to cheat...and well it was.

I now have a ton of awesome people in my life and some of them live far away and I only get to interact with them personally a couple times per year so FB is just a great way for us to stay in touch. 
A lot of people like to talk **** about it but in my opinion it is just another tool to communicate with people just like a phone call, texting, email, or even a forum like TAM. It is really all in the way you use it, if you come in to it with ill intent that is what you are going to get out of it.

I hear a lot of complaints about people who seem to share to much or whatever. The people on my FB are family and friends that I care about and are important to me in one way or another, I want to see what is going on in their lives. If they take pictures of their dog or baby or food they made or new car and post it on FB they are expressing something they like and care about and they are sharing it with you because they like and care about you. You should be happy about that, feel good that you have someone in your life that likes you enough to share their life their positives and some times negatives with you.

And hey what if those people that complain about FB what if they have something really ****ty going on in their lives like what was happening to me?

I like FB


----------



## Jellybeans

I have a love/hate relationship with FB. Sometimes I sign over several times a week, sometimes weeks go by where I don't check it it.

But no matter what, I am always reminded of why I don't check back for awhile after I do some fly-by posting... 

it's because most people post the same kinds of things over and over again. "Look at my kids!" "Look at how great my relationship is!" Then you have the poster who write cryptic messages "Omg..." and then you are supposed to ask them what they are OMG'ing about. And then there are the posters who post every five seconds of their life. The ones who go on political tirades; the ones who post about their gym outings/fitnes level; the "I made this dish today" posters...
the ones who invite you to like everything... And then...do you guys have a friend who you like IRL but then you started following their facebook/or became FB friends and their personality turned you off (their social media personality)? There is a guy I know IRL, who fB-friended me and his posts are so misogynistic/sexual/turn off to me that it makes me wonder how I never knew this about him. Also he posts on FB at least 5 to 10 times a day. I don't get that. 

So yeah maybe I err more to the side of disliking FB versus liking it. I can only eal with it in small increments.

Still it's a great way to network/stay in touch with people you rarely see and to creep on/stalk your ex flames/people you know. Hee.

I wonder when the FB trend will end. All trends do eventually.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> It is really all in the way you use it


True. And this could be why I don't go crazy for it. I am someone who likes to stay a little bit undercover; I have never been one to want to share every moment of my life with everyone and I am actually really weirded out when people ask me invasive questions, IRL. I like to stay under the surface and have a little bit of mystery to me. So you are right, it probably has to do with how people use it and what their personalities are. I like to fashion myself a bit of a Carmen San Diego.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm pretty indifferent to Facebook nowadays. The ex and I used to play a few Facebook games back in the day, I was one of those mad game message spammers for a while .. haha. At one point I was so sick of it that I deactivated Facebook, a few months after my ex did as well.

After we had separated I decided to get back onto it, use it as a tool to reconnect with old friends etc. I removed the ex and all her family and ironically a few days later she rejoined. 

I trimmed my friends list down to about 50 or so, and do enjoy the messenger app as it's a decent avenue to get group conversations going for outings etc. Plus it's a better way to chat with a few TAMers, instead of using the PM service.

Now my Facebook is just for posting pictures of my kiddos for my family to see and I quote quite a few hilarious things the kids say. No negativity and I don't allow 'bashing' either, I'll delete a comment and let them know why privately.

Christmas morning I received a Merry Christmas text from exBIL randomly, I replied in kind. A little while later I received a Facebook friend request and didn't really know what to think of it, so I did nothing. A few weeks later I saw the request again and decided to accept it, haven't heard a word from him yet. Haha.

Sneak peek into my life? Sure. Why not.


----------



## Another Planet

I keep my friends list under 100, it's only for relatives very good friends and their immediate family like parents and brothers and sisters of friends because they are usually friends with me also. And a handful of business associates but that is because they are long time friends. I don't have very many negative people in my life so I don't really worry about that, actually they all went bye bye with my exwife lol. There is only a few friends I miss that I lost in the divorce the rest can go fck themselves because they assisted or supported her affair.
The ones who were left after a bout of deletitis because of the divorce and the ones who got added afterwards are really great people and I couldn't imagine deleting them.


----------



## whitehawk

ps , l even found 2 ex gf's from yrs ago and all about their lives now . Who they're seein , know , married or not , where they live , pictures of them right now , people we knew back then and all about their lives now and that's just me , on my very first hopeless attempt.
Tell , that thing is creepy.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Are you still figuring FB out, Whitehawk? It must be so interesting to someone who's new to it.

But yeah it's weird how much info you can get, right?

Oh and I just read the long post you made (after reading the one above this one) and yep, Whitehawk, that is exactly why FB freaks me out. That is the "hate" part of it that I describe. How accessible everything is now is weird to me.


----------



## Another Planet

Whitehawk no there are a bunch of privacy settings. You can easily set it to no one but your friend list can see anything on your timeline or you can have it so no one sees anything at all but then whats the point. You can have acquaintances on your friend list that cant see everything. You can also set it to where no one can see your friends list or only mutual friends. And you can filter your pics.

Honestly I have mine set as stalker friendly as possible, I just don't put anything on it I don't want the world to see anyway.
My ex came over to get the kids today and said "so I see your aunt came over last night".....I don't care if you are jealous about the kids and I having a good time with out you


----------



## stillhoping

Right, I blocked my ex and his girlfriend even though she was never my friend. She was "friends" with my niece and I could see when she commented to her. I have all the privacy settings on, only my friends can see me. And, I on,y keep people I would care about seeing in person.


----------



## ne9907

I used to have a joke with ex about FB, it was never official until it was posted on FB!~

I am with Jelly on this one, I have a love/hate relationship with FB.
I do like it but get annoyed easily. I have pretty much found everyone who I wanted to find. So maybe that is why I don't spend much time on FB anymore, it has lost its luster


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Are you still figuring FB out, Whitehawk? It must be so interesting to someone who's new to it.
> 
> But yeah it's weird how much info you can get, right?
> 
> Oh and I just read the long post you made (after reading the one above this one) and yep, Whitehawk, that is exactly why FB freaks me out. That is the "hate" part of it that I describe. How accessible everything is now is weird to me.


Oh yeah JB , l'm trying.
Tell you though , that thing is the creepiest thing l've ever seen in what even l can do on it so far , can well see the hate.
That's why l've never been near it in the past but holy moly , that things about 10 x worse than what even l imagined MG freak you outs right


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Whitehawk no there are a bunch of privacy settings. You can easily set it to no one but your friend list can see anything on your timeline or you can have it so no one sees anything at all but then whats the point. You can have acquaintances on your friend list that cant see everything. You can also set it to where no one can see your friends list or only mutual friends. And you can filter your pics.
> 
> Honestly I have mine set as stalker friendly as possible, I just don't put anything on it I don't want the world to see anyway.
> My ex came over to get the kids today and said "so I see your aunt came over last night".....I don't care if you are jealous about the kids and I having a good time with out you



But yeah see , ex stalks you , l can stalk mine , hell l can stalk her om one way or another ,creepy fkg [email protected] man .

l know it did seem to have those settings one way or another , well l think so anyway but holy hell. Even l - found ways of hacking through them with 100's of different people in just a few hours.
lt was sooooo easy to find out about anyone , one way or another , all you needed was just one person they knew or they knew or they knew and somewhere down the line you were into their lives in seconds , well l was anyway.
lt was like to even try and control just your one thing properly , you needed to control also the 1,000s down the line , that know anyone, you know . Because when they don't have their stuff set to some kind of privacy , at least some of your stuffs still exposed through them. And from there you can easily find another 10 or 20 people and within minutes put a whole heap of stuff together about the original person your interested in see. l found photos and comments and details everywhere from one of my ex's l looked up . 
Her site was on private so l just tried a friend of hers and walla . From there and through her friends and their friends . Next min l had 100s of pics , 1 of her at a party just last wk , stuff , convos , l found out where she's living , she's not married has no kids , who she hangs out with whwre she's working , even found out she just subdivided her back yard and hopes tyo quit work when she sells the block. All about an ex with a blocked site l haven't seen in 19yrs , l don't even live in the same state or knew where she lived.
It was so easy it was scary.

So l just dunno. Maybe , but if l can hack around as easy as that anyone can.


----------



## Another Planet

The thing is is what do you think you are getting? Some pics...ok, maybe some info on what a person is up to or has been up to. Not really that big of deal, just don't do stupid stuff like tell the world you are going on vacation for 2 weeks.


----------



## whitehawk

stillhoping said:


> Right, I blocked my ex and his girlfriend even though she was never my friend. She was "friends" with my niece and I could see when she commented to her. I have all the privacy settings on, only my friends can see me. And, I on,y keep people I would care about seeing in person.


Thing is from what l did , just read the one before this , it doesn't matter. They only have to dig around for a few minutes and if you tell or show anyone anything , they can find it , easy peasy .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> The thing is is what do you think you are getting? Some pics...ok, maybe some info on what a person is up to or has been up to. Not really that big of deal, just don't do stupid stuff like tell the world you are going on vacation for 2 weeks.



Yeah spose, a lot of people just don't really care about stuff like this but me , l've always been a very private person .
But anyway , l do wanna keep poking around with the settings as bad as they seem to be, if someone really digs anyway . l'd still really like to use it but l just wanna find ways of if at all possible - that make me happy first :smthumbup:

Because the first thing l realized is once anything is anywhere with even just one person you friend but then the 1.000s of people through their friends and their friends, it's out there forever from what l can tell. l just really find that creepy as hell.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Date night with the kids!


----------



## Another Planet

It's a learning process. It's almost like it keeps you from doing stupid **** that would get you in trouble because anyone could post anything about you at any time.

I always do a quick google and FB search on anyone new in my life. Hell if new Match girl wanted to she could find out where I live and be on my doorstep in 10minutes.....on second thought she should do just that


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> It's a learning process. It's almost like it keeps you from doing stupid **** that would get you in trouble because anyone could post anything about you at any time.
> 
> I always do a quick google and FB search on anyone new in my life. Hell if new Match girl wanted to she could find out where I live and be on my doorstep in 10minutes.....on second thought she should do just that


Or you could send her an email she could reverse search in 2 minutes. She would know exactly where you live in no time.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Or you could send her an email she could reverse search in 2 minutes. She would know exactly where you live in no time.


She doesn't need my email to find me...


----------



## unsure78

Try this again.. my post was deleted. . Date was meh .. he lied and said he was divorced 6 months... other than that seemed like a nice guy... but no liars please... hopefully coffee date tomorrow morning is bettee
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

So he was still married?


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> Try this again.. my post was deleted. . Date was meh .. he lied and said he was divorced 6 months... other than that seemed like a nice guy... but no liars please... hopefully coffee date tomorrow morning is bettee
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That sucks. Did you call him out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Try this again.. my post was deleted. . Date was meh .. he lied and said he was divorced 6 months... other than that seemed like a nice guy... but no liars please... hopefully coffee date tomorrow morning is bettee
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL darn I missed your original post! Must have been a good one to get deleted


----------



## unsure78

2galsmom said:


> How do you know he lied?


Oh you guys must have missed my earlier detective unsure posts... if I know a dates last name I often will look up online in the county court records to see if they have a criminal past and when their divorce was finalized... its easy and free... so his profile said divorced, his was only filed for divorce this month in the court record... so he lied when I asked him in person he said 6 months divorced.... no I didnt call him out on it, makes for an awkward date but I wont see him again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l deadset can't believe what you guys do , you looked him up . A lot of people through here say they do this and back check that and bla bla,

You know , maybe it's the modern media ae or something so people can - the inbuilt worry and paranoia that goes with it all and everything and the bs we find to read these days , the lot .But l have never checked a person out in my life yet since l joined FB 4days ago l've checked out 2. lsn't it crazy ?

1t did avoid me asking one out to boot because once l saw who she knew and pics of how she lives , l changed my mind . So even l'm guilty of it now.

Crazy world isn't it .


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> l deadset can't believe what you guys do , you looked him up . A lot of people through here say they do this and back check that and bla bla,
> 
> You know , maybe it's the modern media ae or something so people can - the inbuilt worry and paranoia that goes with it all and everything and the bs we find to read these days , the lot .But l have never checked a person out in my life yet since l joined FB 4days ago l've checked out 2. lsn't it crazy ?
> 
> 1t did avoid me asking one out to boot because once l saw who she knew and pics of how she lives , l changed my mind . So even l'm guilty of it now.
> 
> Crazy world isn't it .


I use the CWI motto now of, trust but verify, what you learn by doing this is that a looooooot of people lie or stretch the truth... I would happily be background checked by someone as I have nothing to hide...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> l deadset can't believe what you guys do , you looked him up . A lot of people through here say they do this and back check that and bla bla,
> 
> You know , maybe it's the modern media ae or something so people can - the inbuilt worry and paranoia that goes with it all and everything and the bs we find to read these days , the lot .But l have never checked a person out in my life yet since l joined FB 4days ago l've checked out 2. lsn't it crazy ?
> 
> 1t did avoid me asking one out to boot because once l saw who she knew and pics of how she lives , l changed my mind . So even l'm guilty of it now.
> 
> Crazy world isn't it .





unsure78 said:


> I use the CWI motto now of, trust but verify, what you learn by doing this is that a looooooot of people lie or stretch the truth... *I would happily be background checked by someone as I have nothing to hide*...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep, skips a lot of the BS too!
I could care less if someone "checks me out", what are they going to find out they like me? Or they find out I don't like sports or country music or I just got divorced and have kids so they decide they don't want to deal with me? Great makes the whole first couple dates crap that much easier. I actually expect to be checked out, like I said it makes things easier.
I will talk to one of my sisters and they will be like "who's *#&%*^#, she sure does like a lot of your posts?" lol I just think it's funny 

It's not like I actually stalk anyone or I have bad intentions.....just because I know where you live does not mean I am going to just show up, why? Because that's weird and creepy.


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> Oh you guys must have missed my earlier detective unsure posts... if I know a dates last name I often will look up online in the county court records to see if they have a criminal past and when their divorce was finalized... its easy and free... so his profile said divorced, his was only filed for divorce this month in the court record... so he lied when I asked him in person he said 6 months divorced.... *no I didnt call him out on it, makes for an awkward date but I wont see him again*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, first date and already busting balls for being a liar liar pants on fire would be rather awkward. Don't blame you there.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Morning TAMers! Was making breakfast and thought of you Pbar, haha. (No ****)


----------



## 06Daddio08

Good job on the criminal record checking, I see no reason why one cannot look into what's public information. As for the lying about being divorced / separated, I don't get it. If you aren't technically divorced yet, why lie?


----------



## unsure78

2galsmom said:


> I am ALL for verifying.
> 
> So he filed for divorce in February 2014?
> 
> I am just verifying so I understand.
> 
> Why?
> 
> Often there is a lag time between real time court activity where I live and information getting online or even processed.


His stbxw filed for D in feb 2014.. you can see who filed and on what date and when/if its finalized. I can also see when his next court dates are scheduled and which one each is for. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Waiting for my date...............
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

6 ways to tell if your date’s really into you


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> 6 ways to tell if your date’s really into you


Hmmm.

Well aside from the last one, I do most of those when I'm genuinely interested in someone. So I guess I'm not as lost as I feel at times, haha.


----------



## angelpixie

In my own FB-related news, I realized yesterday that sometime very recently (last week or two?), Trampire unfriended me on FB. I'm utterly distraught, nearly inconsolable. 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

She had been a 'friend' IRL and on FB before Chinless wanted to split. He threw such a fit during our D when I unfriended his business, and I was worried how he might have carried that over to DS (I was always accused of doing the types of things he actually did -- many of us have dealt with that type of thing), and he did sometimes share photos of DS via FB links to his business, so I just blocked both of them, rather than unfriending. Served the same purpose, without the drama. That was probably 2+ years ago now. So....

I wonder what it was that *just now* drove Trampire to unfriend me. Interesting. It's a tough blow, but I'll get over it.


----------



## angelpixie

I know this is old news, but I didn't get in on the chocolate discussion yesterday -- pros/cons of double boilers vs. microwave: if you keep your house cool, as I do, you'll find yourself reheating your chocolate a lot if you use the m'wave. The double boiler can be turned down to a simmer once the chocolate has melted, and will allow you to just keep dipping whatever you're dipping without it cooling too much. I've done this with chocolate-covered fruit, peanut butter-chip covered pretzels, and other things involving melted coatings. Yes, it does require stirring, but so does the microwave. The biggest con with a double-boiler and chocolate is getting water in the chocolate. If your water is too high in the pot, or boils too vigorously, it's possible for a little water to splash into the chocolate. This will cause the chocolate to 'sieze' and then it's nearly useless - it solidifies into a solid grainy mass. You can sometimes revive it by adding fat and more chocolate, but it's chancey. This is also a good time to point out that if you are doing fresh fruit like strawberries, make sure you pat them dry after rinsing them to not introduce water into the chocolate that way. And if you haven't already, try taking dried apricots, and dipping them half-way into melted semi-sweet or dark chocolate. Yum! 

You don't really need to 'boil' the water in a double boiler. When it gets to 7up-bubble stage, that should do it, if you're stirring at the same time, and don't have too much chocolate in the top part.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh angel, I'm sorry to hear about the FB slight, I'm sure you are extremely upset and hurt 

*HUGS*

And she is probably just upset you were able to get him out of your life and now she is stuck with him. Ha ha


----------



## unsure78

Coffee date was also meh... funny but dont think we connected on an intellectual level... my streak is broken I paid for my own coffee ..lol first time ever on a first date
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

The Star Wars parody burlesque show last night was helluva fun...

The production value weren't terribly great... The costumes could have been purchased at Frederick's of Hollywood, the props were on par with a low-budget high school play, and the "script" was an amateur homage to Mel Brooks. But...

The performers were women of all body types and sizes, who gleefully embraced the willful goofy cheesiness of the show. It was exceptionally refreshing to see "ordinary" women, who didn't look like porn-star actresses, confidently and enthusiastically reveling in their sexuality... even when they were dancing around in nothing but panties and pasties.

Despite it being a strip-tease nudie show for geeks, I have to give those women all the credit they deserve for their remarkable bravery.

:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Almost naked women and star wars always a winning combo.. hehehe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Angel - who is Trampire? Is she someone your ex had an affair with? And you were FB friends?

Unsure--ugh I hate not connecting intellectually on a date. But it's better to find that out sooner than later, of course. The way to my panties is through my brain so I like smart men (hehehehehe). 

Pbar--that is super cool you got to see some "real" naked bodies that weren't all plastic-looking and porn-esque. 

Whitehawk--use the privacy settings on your FB. They are wonderful.

Oh and my own FB story: I had friended someone on there years ago who I would see on occasion, nice gal, but we never spoke on either FB or in real life eventually so I unfriended her. Then yesterday I see tehat she has sent me a friend request and a message asking how I am. I may friend her again or not? I don't know. I like to keep FB for people who I stay in touch with/make an effort to talk to me outside of the computer portal (you guys are obviously an exception to that). Haha.

Social Media messaged me again saying "You haven'nt responded to my last messages " (yes, he wrote a sadface emoji). (he also wished me a happy valentine's day and asked me over next week). No response from me again.


----------



## Another Planet

Dang JB that dude is relentless! He must really dig you 

I seem to be in this bad habit of leaving new Match girl hanging with the last contact... I just can't keep the constant up. Just when I think I made the last attempt she sends me something lol
Nothing wrong with that but just don't want her to think I am ignoring her...honestly maybe I am getting a little bored with this way of getting to know someone. 
I like her but lets move to the next stage or not, anything I just need not feel repetitive...ugh


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Dang JB that dude is relentless! He must really dig you
> 
> I seem to be in this bad habit of leaving new Match girl hanging with the last contact... I just can't keep the constant up. Just when I think I made the last attempt she sends me something lol
> Nothing wrong with that but just don't want her to think I am ignoring her...honestly maybe I am getting a little bored with this way of getting to know someone.
> I like her but lets move to the next stage or not, anything I just need not feel repetitive...ugh


How are you communicating, still through Match's email? Are you WANTING her to stop contact? I'm a little confused...


----------



## ne9907

I activated my FB account today for a few minutes, nothing changed, maybe I will leave it up.

I am having trouble getting bored a lot!! I want to talk to someone, but I don't want to go out and I definitely do not want to spend money on a dating site.

The free dating sites, I do not trust, so I don't know what to do with myself!!! I have began doing sit ups, lunges, push ups, but that gets boring too....

Hmmm I must be at the "bored" stage in divorce.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Dang JB that dude is relentless! He must really dig you
> 
> I seem to be in this bad habit of leaving new Match girl hanging with the last contact... I just can't keep the constant up. Just when I think I made the last attempt she sends me something lol
> Nothing wrong with that but just don't want her to think I am ignoring her...honestly maybe I am getting a little bored with this way of getting to know someone.
> I like her but lets move to the next stage or not, anything I just need not feel repetitive...ugh










ne9907 said:


> I activated my FB account today for a few minutes, nothing changed, maybe I will leave it up.
> 
> I am having trouble getting bored a lot!! I want to talk to someone, but I don't want to go out and I definitely do not want to spend money on a dating site.
> 
> The free dating sites, I do not trust, so I don't know what to do with myself!!! I have began doing sit ups, lunges, push ups, but that gets boring too....
> 
> Hmmm I must be at the "bored" stage in divorce.


Meetup.com

Great way to socialize with all kinds of activities


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> How are you communicating, still through Match's email? Are you WANTING her to stop contact? I'm a little confused...


No we stopped the Match email thing a long time ago. We will text.....but that's it, she gave me her email but that is to time consuming for me. 
I was going to ask if she wanted to meet for coffee or lunch for today because that was the only free time I had but there was a chance of snow and I didn't want to have to ditch on her. AND it did snow so I worked most of the day.

I will go days leaving her hanging with the last text because I am a busy guy I have stuff I have to get done... I started a response text this morning from her text from a couple days ago but I just got really busy...

No I don't want to stop contact at all, I like her and I want to start moving forward. Starting to feel its we meet up and decide if we get along or not is the best option at this point.....


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Meetup.com
> 
> Great way to socialize with all kinds of activities


I actually joined a meetup group back in December, but haven't attended any of their meetings. 
It is time to change that!!!

Oh yeah, I left FB up again.... hit me up y'all!:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> No we stopped the Match email thing a long time ago. We will text.....but that's it, she gave me her email but that is to time consuming for me.
> I was going to ask if she wanted to meet for coffee or lunch for today because that was the only free time I had but there was a chance of snow and I didn't want to have to ditch on her. AND it did snow so I worked most of the day.
> 
> I will go days leaving her hanging with the last text because I am a busy guy I have stuff I have to get done... I started a response text this morning from her text from a couple days ago but I just got really busy...
> 
> No I don't want to stop contact at all, I like her and I want to start moving forward. Starting to feel its we meet up and decide if we get along or not is the best option at this point.....


I'm surprised she is still contacting you, I would be feeling that you werent interested. :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Dang JB that dude is relentless! He must really dig you


Yeah, apparently I put a voodoo on him and didn't even know it. It's nuts.



Another Planet said:


> I like her but lets move to the next stage or not, anything I just need not feel repetitive...ugh


Ask her out!

Soo........one of my good friends just called me in tears because her husband has been communicating with his ex-girlfriend a lot. He was late picking her up to work on Friday and then it came out he'd lied to her and been at the zoo with his ex-girlfriend. He said he's not going to dump his friendship with the ex-girlf and my friend needs to get over it, UGGGGGGGH. I hate hearing a friend cry. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with her. When my friend asked if he'd seen his ex that day (Valentine's day, no less!) because she noticed they'd been calling eachother a lot, he said he hadn't...then two days later he told her the truth-that he had. He was two hours late picking my friend up from her job cause he was hanging with his ex.

My friend said she wants to call her (the ex girlfriend). Ugh.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, apparently I put a voodoo on him and didn't even know it. It's nuts.
> 
> 
> 
> Ask her out!
> 
> Soo........one of my good friends just called me in tears because her husband has been communicating with his ex-girlfriend a lot. He was late picking her up to work on Friday and then it came out he'd lied to her and been at the zoo with his ex-girlfriend. He said he's not going to dump his friendship with the ex-girlf and my friend needs to get over it, UGGGGGGGH. I hate hearing a friend cry. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with her. When my friend asked if he'd seen his ex that day (Valentine's day, no less!) because she noticed they'd been calling eachother a lot, he said he hadn't...then two days later he told her the truth-that he had. He was two hours late picking my friend up from her job cause he was hanging with his ex.
> 
> My friend said she wants to call her (the ex girlfriend). Ugh.


UGH, this makes my stomach sick. Send her here to TAM. QUICK!!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, apparently I put a voodoo on him and didn't even know it. It's nuts.
> 
> 
> 
> Ask her out!
> 
> Soo........one of my good friends just called me in tears because her husband has been communicating with his ex-girlfriend a lot. He was late picking her up to work on Friday and then it came out he'd lied to her and been at the zoo with his ex-girlfriend. He said he's not going to dump his friendship with the ex-girlf and my friend needs to get over it, UGGGGGGGH. I hate hearing a friend cry. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with her. When my friend asked if he'd seen his ex that day (Valentine's day, no less!) because she noticed they'd been calling eachother a lot, he said he hadn't...then two days later he told her the truth-that he had. He was two hours late picking my friend up from her job cause he was hanging with his ex.
> 
> My friend said she wants to call her (the ex girlfriend). Ugh.


ugh..
I think she should call her (the ex), set that b!tch straight!! and set the husband straight too. Your friend is lucky she has you (you are a veteran of TAM) and can give her great advice.


----------



## vi_bride04

Get her to download "Not Just Friends" tonight! 

She needs to deal with her man on this issue, not the ex-gf. The ex-gf knows full well what is going on and obviously doesn't care.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah man. She was saying how she either wants to call the ex-girlfriend's husband OR call the ex-girlfriend.

I did tell her about Not Just Friends, the book.

It sucks because I am so good at giving advice here yet when your friends, people you really know are facing the situation, it feels totally different.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah man. She was saying how she either wants to call the ex-girlfriend's husband OR call the ex-girlfriend.
> 
> I did tell her about Not Just Friends, the book.
> 
> It sucks because I am so good at giving advice here yet when your friends, people you really know are facing the situation, it feels totally different.


I agree, it does FEEL different, but the advice is still the same. I am always amazed at how people will argue with you when you give the solid advice we give here. So many people dont see anything wrong with this kind of "friend".


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree, it does FEEL different, but the advice is still the same. I am always amazed at how people will argue with you when you give the solid advice we give here. So many people dont see anything wrong with this kind of "friend".


seriously....


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree, it does FEEL different, but the advice is still the same. I am always amazed at how people will argue with you when you give the solid advice we give here. So many people dont see anything wrong with this kind of "friend".


Absolutely. 

Her husband seriously sees nothing wrong with it. And I think that is bullsh*t. The fact that he lied about it s shady as fck. This girl was his first love. (the ex) And she is always hitting him up. He told my friend the ex told him "Friend should be lucky to have you and that you've been with her all this time." Give me a vomit-bag. WTF.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Absolutely.
> 
> Her husband seriously sees nothing wrong with it. And I think that is bullsh*t. The fact that he lied about it s shady as fck. This girl was his first love. (the ex) And she is always hitting him up. He told my friend the ex told him "*Friend should be lucky to have you and that you've been with her all this time*." Give me a vomit-bag. WTF.


that is such BS, and yes, I believe he sees nothing wrong with it because it strokes his ego.
That comment took me back to one of ex's EA. SHe would constantly tell him I wasn't good enough, and that such a great guy like him deserved better.

He did not see anything wrong with that either!!


----------



## vi_bride04

She needs to show him just how wrong this "friendship" is. Tough love with her WH. 

Sounds like quite an emotional affair in the making, hopefully nothing more yet. Only a matter of time if she doesn't blow this out of the water. She might want to call the ex-gfs husband just to expose it.

ETA: She needs to be ready to walk away and totally 180 him if he is seriously unwilling to drop that friend. Its not just a friend, its an ex. BIG difference as they were romantic at one time. Similar to keeping in contact with an AP.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> that is such BS, and yes, I believe he sees nothing wrong with it because it strokes his ego.


That's exactly what I said when she told me the ex said that--I was like, YOU KNOW THAT IS BULLSH!T, right?



vi_bride04 said:


> She needs to show him just how wrong this "friendship" is. Tough love with her WH.
> 
> Sounds like quite an emotional affair in the making, hopefully nothing more yet. Only a matter of time if she doesn't blow this out of the water. She might want to call the ex-gfs husband just to expose it.


Yeah that is what I think, too. It's totally prime for an affair, emotional or otherwise. If it's not already. This ex of his will always reach out to him and say she wants to meet up with him and my friend and I think that is totally fckin weird. I told her she may want to call the husband and let him in on it. 

This wasn't some random girl he dated, you know? They had some really serious feelings for eachother being that they were first loves and all that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Already sounds like EA to me. Raise your hand if you triggered from reading this...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Already sounds like EA to me. Raise your hand if you triggered from reading this...


Triggered big time. The same unwillingness to drop a friend is why I left my exH. Of course it was more about him being a serial cheater...but yeah. I feel like jumping through the computer to JBs house and going with her to talk to her friend.


----------



## ne9907

lol yeah, triggered a bit, but I am over triggers now.
I think on my next date, I will ask whoever I am dating if they have ever read "Not just friends"

It will be in the syllabus for "dating Ne 101"


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> lol yeah, triggered a bit, but I am over triggers now.
> I think on my next date, I will ask whoever I am dating if they have ever read "Not just friends"
> 
> It will be in the syllabus for "dating Ne 101"


This isn't a requirement per say for me, but yes, major major major brownie points if they have read it or at least heard of it. And I have asked. LOL


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> lol yeah, triggered a bit, but I am over triggers now.
> I think on my next date, I will ask whoever I am dating if they have ever read "Not just friends"
> 
> It will be in the syllabus for "dating Ne 101"


Don't you think you're being a bit demanding? 

That book may make sense to you, but to a man you're interested in it's going to come of as you having huge red lags for trust and commitment. 


I keep telling you ladies you're playing dangerous games here. Yes, you are playing games. You're trying to employ TAM tactics and 180 advice on yourselves instead of having strong boundaries and dumping these idiots before they hurt you. Maybe you can't see it, but you're doing more wishful thinking and reconciliation procedures to make these men interested in you when they are just not that into you. If you have to make him call you back or agree to a second date.... they are just not right for you.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Triggered big time. The same unwillingness to drop a friend is why I left my exH. Of course it was more about him being a serial cheater...but yeah. I feel like jumping through the computer to JBs house and going with her to talk to her friend.


Ugh, I know! I wish I could go see her but she lives in Florida, so far away fro m me now - they moved away from here to there about a year ago. She was totally bawling on the phone with me an I have never heard her crying like that before. I wanted to hug her so bad (and kick him in the nuts).



ne9907 said:


> I think on my next date, I will ask whoever I am dating if they have ever read "Not just friends"


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Don't you think you're being a bit demanding?
> 
> I keep telling you ladies you're playing dangerous games here. Yes, you are playing games. If you have to make him call you back or agree to a second date.... they are just not right for you.


I think she was making a joke, Nsweet. 

But thanks for having all the TAM single ladies' backs! Good to know that you will stand up for us and look out for us.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh, I know! I wish I could go see her but she lives in Florida, so far away fro m me now - they moved away from here to there about a year ago. She was totally bawling on the phone with me an I have never heard her crying like that before. I wanted to hug her so bad (and kick him in the nuts).
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


Tell her about TAM. Tell her there is a place for her to tell her story and get really good free advice from people with experience dealing with this exact same issue. 

And then let us know when she does so we can post there. It will probably be the unanimous "call him out and put your foot down NOW!" but she's more likely to listen to 30 of us over 1 of you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> And then let us know when she does so we can post there. It will probably be the unanimous "call him out and put your foot down NOW!" but she's more likely to listen to 30 of us over 1 of you.


Exactly!!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I think she was making a joke, Nsweet.
> 
> But thanks for having all the TAM single ladies' backs! Good to know that you will stand up for us and look out for us.


Damn right I do. 

Just consider me that one out of place straight guy in the Oprah audience who stands up and goes "OH HELL NO!!!! You need to leave his sorry ass.":rofl:

Regardless of what you may think I do have you ladies' best interest in mind, using a no BS attitude. If I see anything odd in your new hat I will call it out. And I will not hesitate to tell you the things you need to hear. I'm tough, but empathetic and fair.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> It will probably be the unanimous "call him out and put your foot down NOW!" *but she's more likely to listen to 30 of us over 1 of you*.





Nsweet said:


> Damn right I do.
> 
> Just consider me that one out of place straight guy in the Oprah audience who stands up and goes *"OH HELL NO!!!*! You need to leave his sorry ass.":rofl:


:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Exactly!!


Hey 3X, 

I'm thinking that friend of yours is probably desperate enough to read anything she can find on reconciliation. I'm betting she's probably beating herself up trying to win her husband back by any means. Don't you think now would be as good a time as ever to send her something that will have her come to the answers you've tried telling her before?

I have an ebook called "Stop Your Divorce" she will love. It's all about no chasing and thinking for yourself. Where as most reconciliation books give you some bullsh!t plan to with the wayward back. In the very back there are like 34 different case questions with the advice you really need to hear. It's everything from cut the cord and start the separation/divorce process to show them you're serious, to let some small stuff go, and start dating to kill that idea your wayward had of you being a permanent plan B. 

I'd say in this situation if your friend should put her foot down and tell him if he doesn't end his emotional affair then she will divorce him. And if that doesn't work the next thing would be an in house separation and your friend getting out of the house to go on platonic dates/group meetups, without ever telling the husband what she's up to. Cheaters absolutely hate losing their permanent option, because they have to work so much harder to keep the wife than the girlfriend. And if you're serious enough and keep your boundaries strong they will either dump the OW or the OW will explode and become the crazy clingy b!tch she tried to make you into (when you did the betrayed freakout of your own).


----------



## ne9907

totally unrelated question
Nsweet, I did a LOT of sit ups a week ago, too many to the point that I literally put myself into muscle failure mode.
Well I was sore for a while, the problem now is that I am still a bit sore and my abdomen hurts whenever I try to do sit ups or planking!

Is this normal? I cannot possibly do a sit up without feeling this sore/pain in my abdomen.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> totally unrelated question
> Nsweet, I did a LOT of sit ups a week ago, too many to the point that I literally put myself into muscle failure mode.
> Well I was sore for a while, the problem now is that I am still a bit sore and my abdomen hurts whenever I try to do sit ups or planking!
> 
> Is this normal? I cannot possibly do a sit up without feeling this sore/pain in my abdomen.


Totally normal! You worked yourself way too hard and you need more time to rest. You should feel less tender every day until you're fully recovered. At most it will be 2-3 weeks. 

I have been thinking about you NE. Let me know if you need any help with your next PRT. I have some simple training techniques that help you max out reps on the pushups, pullups, and situps. 

Totally unrelated comment. Yesterday I saw 6 black helicopters flying in formation near here. 5 Apaches and one slightly larger one in the tail. Really loud too. Do you think that was a training exercise or what?


----------



## ne9907

Probably a training exercise. 
Thank God it is normal. I haven't been exercising since June of last year, trying to get back into things. 
I probably need help in running. I am doing lunges at the moment and will start running tomorrow!!

I love blackhawks!

totally unrelated, but I just got out of the shower and MAN! I Look sooooo ****!ng hot sans makeup and fresh


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Probably a training exercise.
> Thank God it is normal. I haven't been exercising since June of last year, trying to get back into things.
> I probably need help in running. I am doing lunges at the moment and will start running tomorrow!!
> 
> I love blackhawks!
> 
> totally unrelated, but I just got out of the shower and MAN! I Look sooooo f*ck!ng hot sans makeup and fresh


No wonder you're in pain, you're out of shape. You have to be somewhat trained and workout those muscles or else you're going to be in a lot of pain and recovery will take forever. 

Personally I can't do situps, because of my white girl ass, so I work with hanging leg raises Right now I'm doing partial straight leg raises with super strict form (knees stay almost locked the entire time). I had a lot of trouble with situps in the Navy bootcamp too, but I could always get about 60-70 on PRTs in the real Navy.

If it's running you need help with, then you need to start working on endurance now! I could show you a way to add 10-20 pushups or 3-5 pullups in a month, but running is a lot harder to improve in such a short time. Your best bet is going to be working on nonstop running and walking for the length you need to run (isn't it 3mi for Army?), then each week start running more and walking less until you can run the entire distance easily. Trust me you it's better to practice running now instead of waiting until too close to your PRT.

Also diet. There's not a whole lot I can tell you here. Start cutting out sweets and eating a little less now. When you get closer to your PRT you'll need to worry about water weight and probably start cutting back on carbs until right before when you carb up. It's not that hard of a diet once you get the hang of it.

I'll bet you are. I've seen your pics. You're a hotty!:rofl: Totally unrelated... You're in my wheelhouse girl. I'll put you right after Dolly.


----------



## ne9907

in the army is 2mi, because of my age my time is reasonable. I actually had my PT test (army) last weekend, that is why I am so freakign sore. I passed, but I definitely need to improve A LOT!!!


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> Angel - who is Trampire? Is she someone your ex had an affair with? And you were FB friends?


JB -- Trampire is the last person Chinless had an EA with when we were together. She is now living with him since Christmas 2012, and they've been officially engaged since July. She was living with one of Chinless' grad school friends when we were married, so they're both cheaters. Before I got the speech from Chinless, I was trying to become friends with his gang from grad school, including her. She was a customer of mine, we had lunch together, etc., and we were FB friends. 



Jellybeans said:


> Soo........one of my good friends just called me in tears because her husband has been communicating with his ex-girlfriend a lot. He was late picking her up to work on Friday and then it came out he'd lied to her and been at the zoo with his ex-girlfriend. He said he's not going to dump his friendship with the ex-girlf and my friend needs to get over it, UGGGGGGGH. I hate hearing a friend cry. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with her. When my friend asked if he'd seen his ex that day (Valentine's day, no less!) because she noticed they'd been calling eachother a lot, he said he hadn't...then two days later he told her the truth-that he had. He was two hours late picking my friend up from her job cause he was hanging with his ex.
> 
> My friend said she wants to call her (the ex girlfriend). Ugh.





ne9907 said:


> ugh..
> I think she should call her (the ex), set that b!tch straight!! and set the husband straight too. Your friend is lucky she has you (you are a veteran of TAM) and can give her great advice.





vi_bride04 said:


> Get her to download "Not Just Friends" tonight!
> 
> She needs to deal with her man on this issue, not the ex-gf. The ex-gf knows full well what is going on and obviously doesn't care.





vi_bride04 said:


> She needs to show him just how wrong this "friendship" is. Tough love with her WH.
> 
> Sounds like quite an emotional affair in the making, hopefully nothing more yet. Only a matter of time if she doesn't blow this out of the water. She might want to call the ex-gfs husband just to expose it.
> 
> ETA: *She needs to be ready to walk away and totally 180 him if he is seriously unwilling to drop that friend. Its not just a friend, its an ex. BIG difference as they were romantic at one time. Similar to keeping in contact with an AP.*


After what I've been through with Chinless, and his multiple EAs during our marriage, my advice to your friend is to not even bother with asking him to read any books or talking to the ex-gf. Reading a book is not going to make him respect your friend. He is either a decent man, or he's not. It's not that he doesn't understand about emotional affairs. He understands enough to know that your friend wouldn't like what he's doing, so he lies to her to keep himself from getting in trouble. It doesn't keep him from hanging out with the ex in the first place, however.

It's tough, and it hurts. I know -- I've been there...many times.  I forgave, I explained (thinking he just didn't understand), I showed him articles that backed up what I was feeling and telling him...but he wanted what he wanted, which was no limits to his behavior imposed by a relationship. 

If I had 2gals' Wayback Machine, I would have left him at one particular point years ago, when I knew for sure that EAs were something I'd keep dealing with. I didn't because I didn't have the financial resources and I was afraid I'd lose DS. I started back to school to try for a better paying job to prepare myself (not the reason I told him), but then he had his breakdown and I quit school to take care of him. After which he had more EAs. They don't stop. 

Advise your friend to gather her self-respect, flip that guy the finger, and kick his ass out. She deserves much better than him.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> in the army is 2mi, because of my age my time is reasonable. I actually had my PT test (army) last weekend, that is why I am so freakign sore. I passed, but I definitely need to improve A LOT!!!


Ok, so you have 6 months before your next PRT? That is plenty of time to get into regular calisthenic workouts and improve your conditioning for next time. Of course it wouldn't be a bad idea to also start running in the morning too. Take the initiative to stay ahead of the game and out of the humiliating fat camp program. 

If you need any guides I have plenty. I'm a big fan of Convict Conditioning ebooks and have been working on nothing but pushups, pullups, hanging leg raises, and body weight squats for over a year now. I lost 30lbs and I'm in better shape than I was on my submarine. I'm just now strong enough for some of the harder supplemental exercises, and bridging and overhead pushup work.

It's a great program once you graduate from the easy beginner steps and move into the harder exercises.


----------



## Nsweet

The book recommendation wasn't for her husband, it was for JB's friend to find the answers on her own. Some people just do not want to accept the harsh truth from anyone trying to help them. Those people do better when you give them a book promising hope and let them figure things out for themselves. 

If I had my say it would be to tell her to cut the cord and start rethinking if her husband is even worth stressing out over. But some people need to learn things on their own and there's nothing you can do for them until they are ready to accept your help. That's the way a lot of people are on TAM.

So what I usually do is agree with them and try to give them hope with 2 other options. Something like "If you think he's worth it then fight for your husband, but just in case you change your mind here's an ebook on moving on and an ebook on how affairs work..... Keep us updated if anything changes. 

I regularly PM 2 or 3 women back in forth who are going through painful marriages and not quite sure if they should reconcile or divorce. I understand that they sometimes disappear for weeks at a time and try to do things their own way. I just let them know that I am not here to make up their mind for them, but when they want to talk I'm here to listen. That's all anyone ever wants... Encouragement and someone to listen to them. That's why I love TAM.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet, I wasn't referring to the book(s) you recommended. I was referring specifically to "Not just friends." If she already feels that this relationship he's having with the ex-gf is wrong, reading NJF will just provide back-up for her. Some might also recommend her giving it to him to read. He's past the point of that, as far as I'm concerned. If they were just seeing each other at work and spending too much time at lunch, or he was helping her though a crisis, etc., and still talking to JB's friend about it, that might be different. Maybe he really needed help to see that JB's friend wasn't just being jealous or insecure -- he really was in danger of going over a line. The fact that he's lying, and justifying it, and blaming it on JB's friend shows that he's already crossed that boundary, and he doesn't care. 

I am well aware that eventually, everyone needs to come to a decision on his/her own. But it is often easier to come to a decision when one has the benefit of hearing from others with similar experiences (hence, all of us being here on TAM). Humans do have patterns. When you see that your situation really isn't unique, that there is a really overwhelming chance that certain things will happen based on human nature, it can be easier to step back from your own situation, detach a little, and see that much as you don't want to believe it, your spouse/SO is really a 'type' and that 'type' doesn't have very good odds of changing for the better. It's also true that many of us who end up in relationships with these 'types' have low self-esteem and self-worth to begin with. We don't generally need to be told to fight for a relationship or to give someone a second chance. That's easy. It's usually the opposite -- it's super difficult for us to learn that we deserve better and that we'll be fine, no HAPPIER, if we kick those people to the curb and start over. Show me the numbers of happy, _healthy_ reconciliations vs. the numbers of people happy and healthy after starting over, and I think you'll see my point.


----------



## Nsweet

I just found this by mistake. 








:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> You don't have much choice in a marriage.
> 
> You can either attempt to communicate your needs, feelings and hope the other person understands and respects them and then you are left to trust that person to hope they enforce boundaries and honor the marriage.
> 
> Friend who is not even on TAM already expressed her discontent and concern with her husband's "friend", he feels he is doing nothing wrong and you see the beginning of possible blame-shifting occurring as we analyze this distant situation through 3rd and possible 4th parties.
> 
> Here is how the pattern often plays out, "I have no problem. I am your husband, your husband! You won and she lost. She is just a friend, a friend in need. I am doing nothing wrong, shall I abandon a friend? I do not ask you to abandon your friends. You are lucky to have me. You have the insecurities, please don't let your insecurities destroy our marriage, please stop your destructive behavior. You have got to get your insecurities under control! You have nothing to be jealous about, sure we have known each other for years and men find her to be hot, but please, control yourself!"
> 
> And so on and so on. . .
> 
> I hope they get marriage counseling.
> 
> P.S. = P.I.


It could be a simple matter of jealousy, maybe it's all in the friends head and she has nothing to worry about..... 

Then again it might not be.

I think the advice JB is getting here is more of a collaborative response from betrayed spouses jumping to conclusions and calling an inappropriate amount relationship an EA before there is any evidence of such case. There is really no way to tell what is happening or help her right now. 

The only thing JB can do is give her friend a shoulder to cry on and let her friend decide how she wants to handle this. Right now it's just a waiting game.


----------



## 2galsmom

Is fear winking at me NSweet? Winky date-y faces displease me.

I am out of the Eff everything and run phase for good!

Look, what is great about wisdom and experience is you gain a new intelligence. You move for direct action faster. Don't play games with the opposite sex, don't settle for trickle-truth, go out and find it. Don't try to fix people that have not brought themselves in for service. 

I hope the dude stops going to the zoo to watch animals mate and spends time with his wife, please keep us nosey people updated.

NSweet, do you want your future girlfriend going to the zoo with an old friend? 

I just believe people should go with their guts. If her guts says something is rotten in Denmark and she is mentally stable, it probably is.

Yes, there are betrayed spouses here, and as one I can tell you just go with your gut. It is when you read books and rationalize and over complicate things that you yourself drag things out.

Some of us find out YEARS later, and after much agony that our guts were correct!


----------



## angelpixie

A-MEN, 2gals. One of the 'skills' I had to learn through the School of Hard Knocks was that those gut feelings are there for a reason. They're not always right, and sometimes they can be a result of our own faulty lenses, but mine were right on far more often than not. And my failing to listen hurt me more than anyone else.

When he's lying to JB's friend, it's not just a problem with jealousy on the part of JB's friend, Nsweet. Yes, I am a betrayed spouse. One who is not going to overlook things like I once did. One thing I stupidly believed was that Chinless could lie to other people but he'd _never_ do that to _me_ because _he loved me_. That was utter and total bullsh!t. A liar is a liar. He lied just as easily to me as to anyone else. And since he shows no remorse for his lying, and no attempt at trying to re-earn the trust of JB's friend, and instead is blaming JB's friend for his lying...I don't think it takes a betrayed spouse to see where this is most likely headed. 

Just because some of us here giving advice have been betrayed spouses should not automatically devalue what we're saying. To throw out what we're saying because it's assumed we have some kind of bias...is utter foolishness. What are we biased against? Lying? Betrayal? Yep. I don't apologize for it, either.


----------



## Nsweet

Oh god no! My future girlfriend better be NC with her exes or she's going to be single in no time. 

If I may steal the show for a minute to make my point. 

I've caught an ex girlfriend giving a blowjob to another man, my ex Navy friend made out with my date and lock me out in the cold, an ex girlfriend dumped me for a woman, the ex wife went of to have sex with another man and called me to pick her up... she also had a pic of her kissing the OM as her facebook avatar just to upset me, and the last woman I was with told me how she was getting back at her boyfriend right after we had sex.

So yeah, some real sh!tty women. 

I am done being nice and giving women the benefit of the doubt. Not every woman is like this, but enough of them have made me very cautious with who gets to earn my trust. I'm not going to stand by and let another woman try con me into taking her back after she's broken the one rule I have for a relationship and cheated. I am more than flexible and forgiving and I can deal with a lot and not be done. But I'm not going to let another woman cheat on me. I'm done!

Let me just reiterate I LOVE women. I don't go around calling women "b!tch" or "c*nt" because some sh!tty ex hurt me, because that's not fair to the decent and good women. I just had a really bad taste in women for a long time and I'm not giving another bad woman a second chance. Good women don't cheat anyways. They don't get into a relationship with you and have a backup in the side for a bad day in your relationship. It takes a person with poor character to look to cheating as the answer. 

Every single relationship I've been in I was cheated on. Not once did I cheat on them in retaliation or when things got bad before they cheated on me. Even though I had my chances that's not something you do. I just wish I had my heart broken bad enough before I met my ex wife. Maybe then I wouldn't have fought for her and wasted two years and thousands of dollars to learn such an important lesson..... 

*Just let them go! They probably weren't worth it to begin with. *


----------



## unsure78

2galsmom said:


> Just let them go, and let the winky date-y face of fear go with them.
> 
> Do not stay or enter relationships out of fear, fear of being alone, afraid of having already invested too much and needing a return. Let them go and let something better and unexpected come in their place.


Ah you speak the truth...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

You guys are all giving good advice. My heart really hurts for my friend. I have never heard her cry like that before. We've known eachother for almost twenty years now, since jr. high school. 

This ex of his is not a run of the mill ex, not someone he just dated, as I said, they have a history. it is clear to me that there is something unresolved there, maybe on the ex's part, maybe on his but nonetheless, ex keeps reaching out to him and he doesn't do anything to shut it down because he doesn't think anything is wrong with it.

My friend can be somewhat dramatic, that I admit, but what does he expect when he is lying about hanging out with said ex-girlfriend. The fact is that on Valentine's Day, h e went to the zoo with his ex-girlfriend and their kids (the kids are by their own spouses, meaning, they did not have children together); and he was at the zoo when he should have been picking up my friend from work--and was two hours late to doin gthat; he claims he was only at the zoo for 15 minutes (wtf) but he drove one hour out of his way to go there with her. 

Even MY gut goes off. This ex has never been able to let him go. She is inappropriate with contacting him and she is also married. I have been in a similar situation before and know full well, ex flames should have zero part in a marriage. Especially when you start getting emotional needs met by them. It is a slippery damn slope. 

He is telling my friend that she is acting ridiculous about it and she told him s he has no exes she's close with and he told her "that's cause all your exes did you wrong" and how she doesn't have a good relationship with them; so he's saying he does with this ex-girlfriend. I don't buy for a minute that his ex-girlfriend is trying to get at him. I wish he could see that he is playing with a hand grenade in his marriage. I don't understand why anyone would want to keep exes around like that. It doesn't help a marriage, it hurts it, especially when one partner is showing concerns/not approving of it.



angelpixie said:


> JB -- Trampire is the last person Chinless had an EA with when we were together. She is now living with him since Christmas 2012, and they've been officially engaged since July. She was living with one of Chinless' grad school friends when we were married, so they're both cheaters. Before I got the speech from Chinless, I was trying to become friends with his gang from grad school, including her. She was a customer of mine, we had lunch together, etc., and we were FB friends.
> 
> He understands enough to know that your friend wouldn't like what he's doing, so he lies to her to keep himself from getting in trouble. It doesn't keep him from hanging out with the ex in the first place, however.
> 
> It's tough, and it hurts. I know -- I've been there...many times.  I forgave, I explained (thinking he just didn't understand), I showed him articles that backed up what I was feeling and telling him...but he wanted what he wanted, which was no limits to his behavior imposed by a relationship.
> 
> Advise your friend to gather her self-respect, flip that guy the finger, and kick his ass out. She deserves much better than him.


Ugh. So sorry to hear about Chinless and Trampire. It is strange to me she even stayed friends with you on FB after all of that--how completely shameless. So she unfriended you, yeah? Good riddance, I say! She prob sees you as a constant reminder on her page of how they started so she wants to axe it from her mind or something. No loss there at all. 




Nsweet said:


> So what I usually do is agree with them and try to give them hope with 2 other options. Something like "If you think he's worth it then fight for your husband, but just in case you change your mind here's an ebook on moving on and an ebook on how affairs work..... Keep us updated if anything changes.
> 
> I just let them know that I am not here to make up their mind for them, but when they want to talk I'm here to listen. That's all anyone ever wants... Encouragement and someone to listen to them. That's why I love TAM.



Good advice, Nsweet. People will do what they are going to do. It's so weird experiencing this in real life with my friend because well I am at TAM a lot and we hear these stories, plus I've lived it in my own marriage/my own story but to encounter it with a friend feels different; especially because I have known them as a couple for so long. They started dating a little bit after I started dating Mr. ExJelly. So they've been together awhile, like ten yrs. 



angelpixie said:


> The fact that he's lying, and justifying it, and blaming it on JB's friend shows that he's already crossed that boundary, and he doesn't care.


:iagree:



2galsmom said:


> You don't have much choice in a marriage.
> 
> You can either attempt to communicate your needs, feelings and hope the other person understands and respects them and then you are left to trust that person to hope they enforce boundaries and honor the marriage.
> 
> Friend who is not even on TAM already expressed her discontent and concern with her husband's "friend", he feels he is doing nothing wrong and you see the beginning of possible blame-shifting occurring as we analyze this distant situation through 3rd and possible 4th parties.
> 
> _Here is how the pattern often plays out, "I have no problem. I am your husband, your husband! You won and she lost. She is just a friend, a friend in need. I am doing nothing wrong, shall I abandon a friend? I do not ask you to abandon your friends. You are lucky to have me. You have the insecurities, please don't let your insecurities destroy our marriage, please stop your destructive behavior. You have got to get your insecurities under control! You have nothing to be jealous about, sure we have known each other for years and men find her to be hot, but please, control yourself!"_


Wow, you nailed it, 2gals. Completely.



Nsweet said:


> It could be a simple matter of jealousy, maybe it's all in the friends head and she has nothing to worry about.....
> 
> Then again it might not be.
> 
> I think the advice JB is getting here is more of a collaborative response from betrayed spouses jumping to conclusions and calling an inappropriate amount relationship an EA before there is any evidence of such case. There is really no way to tell what is happening or help her right now.


Yea that's just it though--even MY gut is going off about this and has been for awhile. When my friend was pregnant she found out they were talking on Facebook (he and the ex)--this was like two years ago and she said she was "scared" about it because of the history of their relationship. I am a woman. I know women. My gut tells me something is off.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Just because some of us here giving advice have been betrayed spouses should not automatically devalue what we're saying. To throw out what we're saying because it's assumed we have some kind of bias...is utter foolishness. What are we biased against? Lying? Betrayal? Yep. I don't apologize for it, either.


And not only that, but a lot of time the betrayed will have good insight since they have lived it and can relate.


----------



## Nsweet

I just want to say I love how you call him Mr. ExJelly. That just sounds like some disgusting jar of preserves you would find at a Asian market.

What's it say on the back? *Ingredients:* A bunch of hard to pronounce tropical rainforest fruits you've never heard of that probably taste like boogers and bananas, sugar, water.... Oh look it's 40% bullsh!t. Yeah, that sounds about right.:rofl:

Does it come with a prize? No but the jar makes a lot of promises for something at the bottom if you'll just stick with it. Although, when you get down there it's just more of the same disgusting crap. It only gets sweeter for a few bites when you threaten to throw it out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I just want to say I love how you call him Mr. ExJelly.


Lol. Well, it's true. He is Mr. ExJelly. There has really only been one in my life (the only one I married). Hehehe.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jellybeans said:


> and not only that, but a lot of time the betrayed will have good insight since they have lived it and can relate.


exactly!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Well...and they can see things from a mile away... smell/suss it out.


----------



## Another Planet

Ugh... last night I played cards with a classical music composer, a drug dealer, and a foreign ambassador. Rough crowd ... lol
A bottle of rum and many beers later I am so hung over @#somuchloveformyfriends


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. That sounds like a fun crowd, AP


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Ugh... last night I played cards with a classical music composer, a drug dealer, and a foreign ambassador. Rough crowd ... lol
> A bottle of rum and many beers later I am so hung over @#somuchloveformyfriends


Next time get Botox before you play. You'll have the best poker face that night.... And then for about 6 months after.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. That sounds like a fun crowd, AP


GREAT guys! I hope to still be doing this with them in 30yrs :smthumbup:



Nsweet said:


> Next time get Botox before you play. You'll have the best poker face that night.... And then for about 6 months after.:rofl:


Naw we don't play poker, we play euchre!... we are all real good players but it's more for something to keep our hands occupied and something else for us to do while we just BS


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> *Naw we don't play poker, we play euchre!... *we are all real good players but it's more for something to keep our hands occupied and something else for us to do while we just BS


:smthumbup:

BEST CARD GAME EVER!!!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> BEST CARD GAME EVER!!!


I know right! It's totally better then that spades game the eastsiders play lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> GREAT guys! I hope to still be doing this with them in 30yrs :smthumbup:


There is nothing quite like good friends. They make the world go round. :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> There is nothing quite like good friends. They make the world go round. :smthumbup:


Yep, one day I hope to be flying them out to my villa in France for the weekend to play cards.
I can't wait to hear about how classical music composer orchestrated the New York Philharmonic, the drug dealer DJ'ed a rave in Dubai India, and foreign ambassador fought Black Rhinoceros poaching in Cameroon.


----------



## Another Planet

"I'm a laid-back and fun girl that can be just as happy at the mall as I am at the ball park".....

More like "I want a stupid jock that makes a lot of money" :tool:

I think I am going to be single forever lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Who said that to you?


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> "I'm a laid-back and fun girl that can be just as happy at the mall as I am at the ball park".....
> 
> More like "I want a stupid jock that makes a lot of money" :tool:
> 
> I think I am going to be single forever lol


Replace mall and ballpark, and I think that sentence is one of the most overused in internet dating profiles.


----------



## Fenix

lisab0105 said:


> Replace mall and ballpark, and I think that sentence is one of the most overused in internet dating profiles.


yeah, replace with heels and hiking boots! Or tux and blue jeans.
:sleeping:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Who said that to you?


I was just browsing my matches on Match real quick and like Lisa said it is like a broken record, probably 9 out of 10 profiles talk about how much they like sports and money. 
That is an instant turn off for me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah, I see.

I have never tried online dating. Maybe one day I will give it a whirl. But it scares me, kind of.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wow. Oops. I have the hiking boots and heels line. Actually also grey goose or milk, 5-star resort or canvas tent...

But it's all TRUE! I guess I need to have more photos taken of me actually doing the stuff so they know vs. writing it out.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I was just browsing my matches on Match real quick and like Lisa said it is like a broken record, probably 9 out of 10 profiles talk about how much they like sports and money.
> That is an instant turn off for me.


I talked about sports in mine, but I actually backed it up with teams, divisions and players :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

The classic online dating clichés
•“Stop me if you’ve heard this one before… “
•“I’m equally as comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt as I am in a ****tail dress and heels.”
•“The most important things in my life are my iPhone and my family… not in that order.”
•“I love going out, but I’m just as happy staying in.”
•“People tend to notice my eyes and my smile.”
•“There’s no such thing as a typical Friday night for me.”
•“I work hard and play hard.”
•“I’m shy at first, until you get to know me.”
•“I’m terrible at talking about myself.”
•“I’m looking for someone who knows what he/she wants.”
•“I’m looking for a partner in crime.”
•“I’m looking for someone with a great sense of humour.”
•“I like to have fun and enjoy life.”
•“I hate playing games and I don’t want any drama.”


----------



## Pbartender

"He's a ______ who ______, looking for a _______ with a _______... Together, they'll fight crime!"


----------



## Jellybeans

..."I like long walks on the beach"

But actually, I really do. So hahahaha.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> The classic online dating clichés
> •“Stop me if you’ve heard this one before… “
> •“I’m equally as comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt as I am in a *****tail* dress and heels.”
> •“The most important things in my life are my iPhone and my family… not in that order.”
> •“I love going out, but I’m just as happy staying in.”
> •“People tend to notice my eyes and my smile.”
> •“There’s no such thing as a typical Friday night for me.”
> •“I work hard and play hard.”
> •“I’m shy at first, until you get to know me.”
> •“I’m terrible at talking about myself.”
> •“I’m looking for someone who knows what he/she wants.”
> •“I’m looking for a partner in crime.”
> •“I’m looking for someone with a great sense of humour.”
> •“I like to have fun and enjoy life.”
> •“I hate playing games and I don’t want any drama.”



LOL TAM blocked out c.o.c.k!!! 
Cvck blocker!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

The whole "partner in crime" thing kills me, just WHAT exactly does that mean?? I see that on SO many mens' profiles!


----------



## Jellybeans

It sounds downright criminal! 

And reminds me of Angel's Parole Hat. Wait, or was that Vi?


----------



## Pbartender

3Xnocharm said:


> The whole "partner in crime" thing kills me, just WHAT exactly does that mean?? I see that on SO many mens' profiles!


Translation: "I'm looking for someone who is willing to support, contribute to and participate in my impulsive, risky and irresponsible habits for decision making."


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: 

You're such a romantic, Pbar.

I wonder which one of us will be the first to remarry again in this this thread.

::Raises hand and says "Not It"::


----------



## Pbartender

1-2-3 not it!


----------



## ne9907

"I am looking for someone to have fun with.."

translates into???


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> "I am looking for someone to have fun with.."
> 
> translates into???


To me, this means the last one didnt want to go do anything with them. Maybe I'm naive?? lol!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> "I am looking for someone to have fun with.."
> 
> translates into???


SEX


----------



## Ikaika

Jelly you could do like my wife and come with a warning. The day I proposed to my wife, me trying to be romantic and all, she responded - "I will make your life miserable". A pregnant pause with a grin "ok, sure, but I warned you". 

Btw, my beautiful bride has not. Is she perfect? No, but neither am I.


----------



## angelpixie

ne9907 said:


> "I am looking for someone to have fun with.."
> 
> translates into???





3Xnocharm said:


> To me, this means the last one didnt want to go do anything with them. Maybe I'm naive?? lol!





Jellybeans said:


> SEX


I think you're both saying the same thing. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> It sounds downright criminal!
> 
> And reminds me of Angel's Parole Hat. Wait, or was that Vi?



That would have been Vi's Parole Hat.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. I knew it was one of you guys with the Parolee.





drerio said:


> Jelly you could do like my wife and come with a warning.


Will make sure to do that!


----------



## lisab0105

I'm looking for someone to have fun with=I'm just having fun right now=I want a booty call and I'll make you think it's a great idea, until you fall for me and then you'll never see me again.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> I'm looking for someone to have fun with=I'm just having fun right now=I want a booty call and I'll make you think it's a great idea, until you fall for me and then you'll never see me again.


Am I sensing a tinge of bitterness, here?


----------



## Jellybeans

He invited me out again... for this week. 

I seriously did not know I had some magic voo doo on dates to warrant all this asking out. It is nuts. The crazy thing is he did not at ALL come across as a clinger on our dates. On our first date, at the beginning, there was a bit of aloofness that I took as a bit of arrogance...but then he seemed to relax.


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Am I sensing a tinge of bitterness, here?


LOL, nah...just vaguely familiar with the playbook.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

2galsmom said:


> I had to lol when I read he only spent 15 minutes at the zoo.


Same here!  YA RIGHT. I would be trying to get ahold of this woman's husband to let him know how she spent Valentine's day. Then let the cards fall where they may after that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> It sounds downright criminal!
> 
> And reminds me of Angel's Parole Hat. Wait, or was that Vi?


You always confuse me and angel! 

Not that I mind to be confused with her, b/c she is an amazing woman.

I just think she would have alot more sense to not go on a date with someone on parole (unlike myself)


----------



## Jellybeans

2galsmom said:


> I had to lol when I read he only spent 15 minutes at the zoo.


Oh I definitely said the same... the zoo for fifteen minutes? When he drove an HOUR to get there and she drove TWO hours? Please. My friend just messaged me asking me for "the name of the book" I mentioned.

It was "Not Just Friends" (the one we are all familiar with). Sigh. I hoe he opens his brain and realizes he is being a dumba$$. My friend is a good woman who is extremely loyal to me, with a loyalty I find it really rare. She always has his back. 



2galsmom said:


> Jelly, clingy men are red flags to me. Yes you are fabulous but. . ..



Hehehe. "Fabulous"  And yeah, it's just crazy how he's coming at me like this after I told him I DO NOT WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH HIM again. WTF? It's like he doesn't care. I told you guys how he invited me to go overseas with him too, right, on vacationt? Like right after I told him I didn't want to date him. I have not seen this relentlessness in forever. It's so odd to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and btw, this thread is filled with some awesome women. I am happy to call you guys my TAM friends. Lots of great advice here and strong women.


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> I'm looking for someone to have fun with=I'm just having fun right now=I want a booty call and I'll make you think it's a great idea, *until you fall for me and then you'll never see me again.*


Hmmmm - yup this is exactly how I've acted and yes I stated "I just want to have fun"


----------



## vi_bride04

Jelly - have you specifically told him something like this:

"I am not interested in you at all. Can you please stop texting me or I will need to block your number"


----------



## Pbartender

ne9907 said:


> "I am looking for someone to have fun with.."
> 
> translates into???


I would translate that as, "I'm tired of pathetically sitting at home alone doing nothing and not having sex."


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Jelly - have you specifically told him something like this:
> 
> *"I am not interested in you at all.* Can you please stop texting me or I will need to block your number"


I told him the former several times. But not the latter about blocking phones.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> I would translate that as, "I'm tired of pathetically sitting at home alone doing nothing and not having sex."


Hey, that's my mantra! Get Laid 2014! That is my entire motto this year!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

2galsmom said:


> Yeah, no more canvas tents, no more hot dogs. I really don't like sleeping in crappy uncomfortable places and eating nitrate laden pig snouts and beef hearts and no longer see low standards as something to brag about or sell to a man.
> 
> Guess what you get if you say canvas tent or 5 star hotel?
> 
> At any rate it takes 15 minutes just to get into a zoo where I live unless you are a member. I hope she acts and gets to the bottom of the friendship fast.
> 
> Jelly, clingy men are red flags to me. Yes you are fabulous but. . .
> 
> I had to lol when I read he only spent 15 minutes at the zoo.


I don't mind the canvas tent - and I have my own camping gear. So I'm really fine with camping.  It can be romantic. But once a year or so I want at least a 4-star. And I NEVER want a 2-star if I'm paying to stay there. Otherwise the tent is better.

Ditto on clingy men. Personally I'm fine with been a weekend only date. I don't know that I want someone clinging on the rest of the week. I guess if I were in love I"d feel differently but right now a steady guy who I see every other weekend and maybe once in between is plenty.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ditto on clingy men. Personally I'm fine with been a weekend only date. I don't know that I want someone clinging on the rest of the week. I guess if I were in love I"d feel differently but right now a steady guy who I see every other weekend and maybe once in between is plenty.


Haha, this sounds like me, too!

"Hey, I had a nice time out with you. Now it's time for everyone to go home."


----------



## vi_bride04

Clingy is so DRAINING!!


----------



## Jellybeans

It's also HELLA unattractive!


----------



## Another Planet

I definitely need my space and my alone time.


----------



## Dollystanford

So much sex

I think I broke it. Mine and his 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Job isn't done until both of you can't walk let alone barely stand up


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Job isn't done until both of you can't walk let alone barely stand up


Or your balls are so sore you can't even roll over in the bed. I don't think my liver or my reproductive organs will ever be the same..........

Yes, the beach was amazing.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL  :smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Job isn't done until both of you can't walk let alone barely stand up


Like Yoda would say, there is no "think", ya either broke it or ya didn't


----------



## unsure78

Glad at least a few here are getting banged or banging someone this weekend...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I think I might have to stop posting in this thread.......LOL.


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure, hit me back on the PM...


----------



## vi_bride04

Yay. Snow. So excited. Look at me. Jumping for joy. Can't get enough of it. So. In. Love. With. Winter. 

-_-


----------



## Nsweet

When I finally start having regular sex, I well be a completely different person......










:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Is it just me or do you guys say no immediately to a profile that has pictures with the opposite sex in it? 
Guy in pic = nope
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Yep exactly. Everything women tell you not to fkg do on a profile , they do.
Arms around some bloke , a beer in their hand or some bottle of something , 10 pics with their dog. Layin down on the couch.
l keep on moving with all of the above and a fair few others l'm really starting to think just wtf !
Call me whatever you know but l just expect any women of mine to have at least a bit more class than me :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Is it just me or do you guys say no immediately to a profile that has pictures with the opposite sex in it?


That would be weird, I imagine.


----------



## muskrat

I always loved the woman that put up pics of them with a friend. It is always a very attractive friend and they don't tell you which one is them until later.


----------



## muskrat

On a side note, I broke up with my hat. It was the most pleasant break up I ever had. Seems we agreed that we are better off as friends. So now I am back in the "dating" pool.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Is it just me or do you guys say no immediately to a profile that has pictures with the opposite sex in it?
> Guy in pic = nope
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't...unless it is clear that it is an ex. Many will say she is a sister etc. What I say no immediately to is shirtless pics or OTT macho pics ie posing with a slaughtered animal (except a fish...that gets a smirk, but not a pass).

I think guys are more visual though. That doesn't mean women are not, just not quite as much. I also think that is why lots of guys complain about the women on the sites. They go for the ones with OTT profiles and then are disappointed.

My main filters are politics, grammar and taking themselves too seriously. 

eta; I love the dog pics, beer doesn't bother me either...unless it is lousy beer and then it is an immediate no. For me, though, the best ones are the pics in foreign lands.


----------



## Another Planet

Last night when I was going through my matches there was one that really caught my eye. Digging her profile so far then BAM! God this God that church this church that...dangit she is a super christian.....NEXT

So what does she do but wink at me and like my photos this morning, even bigger dangit


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I dont mind pics with the opposite sex as long as they identify who the person is. And Fenix, I have received a message from a guy who's profile picture was a hunting pic of him with a dead bear!! SERIOUSLY?? Then another from a different guy with a dead deer! Why in the HELL would they think that makes a good profile picture when they are trying to get female attention?? :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm not religious, though I believe, and I often post photography pics up of churches on my social media because I have a fascination with them and they make for great photography subjects. I wonder if people think I am super religious based on that. LOL.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> On a side note, I broke up with my hat. It was the most pleasant break up I ever had.


Glad to hear it was a pleasant break up. Those are unusual!


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Glad to hear it was a pleasant break up. Those are unusual!



Yeah I was pleasantly surprised how well it went. 

Now I am back to the misery of dating. I guess that is better than settling for someone who isn't right for you.
On a side note, there is a lady at church I am really attracted to. I sort of asked her out in Oct. She told me she had just started seeing someone. She has been chatting me up a little the last 2 times I bumped into her. We talked more on sunday than we ever had before. I don't know her relationship status though and the conversation was based around a class we both help with.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Now I am back to the misery of dating.* I guess that is better than settling for someone who isn't right for you.*


Waaaaaaaaaaaay better.

Eh, if church lady is partnered up, you already know what to do: fall back.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Waaaaaaaaaaaay better.
> 
> Eh, if church lady is partnered up, you already know what to do: fall back.


I agree, I haven't talked to or contacted her since Oct. Of course shortly after I asked her out I met my now former hat. Anyhow, it was all just casual conversation about church related stuff. I also have no idea if she has a partner or not. I am not asking again either. I let her know I was interested in Oct. if her situation has changed and she is interested in me, it is her move.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont mind pics with the opposite sex as long as they identify who the person is. And Fenix, I have received a message from a guy who's profile picture was a hunting pic of him with a dead bear!! SERIOUSLY?? Then another from a different guy with a dead deer! W*hy in the HELL would they think that makes a good profile picture when they are trying to get female attention??* :rofl:


Some woman do like to hunt and don't mind a man that does. Probably better to make it known they hunt with pics like that - will weed out the woman that don't like that kind of stuff right away. 

I will never date a hunter. Its such an obsession, like guys who are addicted to video games. I guess at least hunting is only a few months out of the year....but yeah, had a BF that hunted. Didn't really see him from Oct 1-Jan 1 b/c of it.


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont mind pics with the opposite sex as long as they identify who the person is. And Fenix, I have received a message from a guy who's profile picture was a hunting pic of him with a dead bear!! SERIOUSLY?? Then another from a different guy with a dead deer! Why in the HELL would they think that makes a good profile picture when they are trying to get female attention?? :rofl:


I would guess they think they look manly. 
Hey guys, what are they thinking?? Give us a peek into your psyches!


----------



## muskrat

I was told it is good to have pics of you doing some of the activities you enjoy. I would guess that is their thinking. I am a hunter, but I have never used a hunting pic on a dating site. I do mention I enjoy the activity in my profile though. I would never be able to date someone who is anti hunting, so why waste both our time.


----------



## angelpixie

It's not that they're no good. They're actually very good in that pics like that tell us who you are and what you like to do. And then we decide if we want to go out with someone who hunts or goes fishing or (whatever sport shows up in photos), too.

I would much rather that someone puts up real photos featuring his real life, than if he put up photos of what he thinks women want to see.


----------



## Fenix

I am not anti-hunting but I don't want to go out with a guy who is flaunting his skill at slaughtering Bambi. So, yeah, it weeds me out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah I am not into hunting, Vi.

And I agree with Angel--it's better to be honest about what you're into versus posting what you THINK the public/potential mates like.

Kinda the whole point of BEING YOURSELF!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I am not into hunting, Vi.
> 
> And I agree with Angel--it's better to be honest about what you're into versus posting what you THINK the public/potential mates like.
> 
> Kinda the whole point of BEING YOURSELF!


I dont have a problem with these pics being included in their profile, because as you say, its who they are. But to use it as your PROFILE pic? Big time turn off, I wont even look at your profile if this is what you use to present yourself. If I used a pic of myself in MY hobby as my profile picture, NO ONE would contact me! LOL!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont have a problem with these pics being included in their profile, because as you say, its who they are. But to use it as your PROFILE pic? Big time turn off, I wont even look at your profile if this is what you use to present yourself. If I used a pic of myself in MY hobby as my profile picture, NO ONE would contact me! LOL!


When I was on POF I had my profile pic of me in cosplay outfit. Maybe thats why I didn't get many hits?? lol

My hobbies are pretty nerdy ha ha


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> If I used a pic of myself in MY hobby as my profile picture, NO ONE would contact me! LOL!


Dare I ask what that is? Why am I imagining something very kinky?

HEHEHEHE.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> When I was on POF I had my profile pic of me in cosplay outfit. Maybe thats why I didn't get many hits?? lol
> 
> My hobbies are pretty nerdy ha ha


Ok, you know the rules. Now you have to show us that pic.

If you're into dressing up.... Maybe next time you dress up as some cliche fantasy every guy loves, like the sexy librarian with the 1/4 bra biting her glasses and looking slightly up, or the 40yo Asian school girl with that sailor scout uniform and you covering your mouth to smile.:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

I have the pics in my album, NSweet


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Dare I ask what that is? Why am I imagining something very kinky?
> 
> HEHEHEHE.


Haha, NO not kinky! Just dorky.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> ... Maybe next time you dress up as some cliche fantasy every guy loves, like the sexy librarian with the 1/4 bra biting her glasses and looking slightly up


Oh, you mean like this?


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, you mean like this?


Mmmm......

More like this.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehehehe. Library love!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Hehehehe. Library love!


Libraries do have some very quiet conference rooms.... that only the librarians have a key to. They come with a nice sturdy table, some chairs, and a blind spot in at least one corner.:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

You gotta check this out. 
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.


*Edit:* I want to put a baby in her! I have got to a woman like that.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/3803f7ebccb0fa3ba78be6c3286fb8e1/tumblr_n0a89iK1GC1qzbn4do1_1280.jpg


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Libraries do have some very quiet conference rooms.... that only the librarians have a key to. They come with a nice sturdy table, some chairs, and a blind spot in at least one corner.:smthumbup:


Hehe, I am telling you, libraries ARE sexy. I have always been a massive fan of them. Especially "The Quiet Room." Muahahahaha.


----------



## angelpixie

Ahem, Resident Librarian here. And let me just concur. In my library, all of our large group study rooms have one large glass wall. There are, however, alternative study areas, that are private.









And, Nsweet, stop posting pictures of me without asking first!


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> Ahem, Resident Librarian here. And let me just concur. In my library, all of our large group study rooms have one large glass wall. There are, however, alternative study areas, that are private.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And, Nsweet, stop posting pictures of me without asking first!


HAHAHA!Awesome post!

Now we know what you are doing on your lunch breaks...with your hats. :rofl:

Sassy Angel!


----------



## Ikaika

Geez, in graduate school, I spent 10+ hours a day either in a lab or library. I never thought of either location as sexy. When you spend 364 days out of a year for 4 years in either location, they tire very fast. Just saying


----------



## Jellybeans

I grew up in libraries and spent all of my schooling in them and as an adult, I still love to go there and spend time reading and also at the bookstore. They always carry an element of sweet, serene and sexy to me. 

Plus, long ago I had a flame who would always message me or call me whenever I seemed to be in the Quiet Room. I suppose my mind always ties the library to loving feelings. Hee hee.


----------



## ne9907

I too love libraries! OMG, so much knowledge!!!! 

One of my goals is to visit the Smithsonian in Washington DC!

Knowledge turns me on, but not the ****y-in-your-face type of personality. 
I want to get me a reserve, quiet, librarian type man who is a stud in the sack!


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh ya. Nerds turn me on, too, Ne!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Oh ya. Nerds turn me on, too, Ne!


"I am treat you like my homework, slam you on the table and do you all night long"

one of many cheesy nerd pick up lines


----------



## muskrat

This conversation is reminding me of the scene in the movie Billy *******. The teacher slowly undressing as Billy answers test questions correctly. Of course he loses concentration and ends up getting a bunch wrong and she puts her clothes back on.

None of this has anything to do with Library sex, the conversation just made me think of that scene.


----------



## ne9907

Casting a Dementor...

SO I finally got off my ass and did yoga earlier today, I followed yoga with a 2 mile run. Suddenly, I was bawling like a baby... memories kept flowing out... the ex buying me a threadmill, the ex encouraging me to run... then questioning me why I was running... my Pandora playlist didn't help, as I have it on songs I love that remind me of him.
I did not quit, I kept running, walking, running, all the time bawling like a baby...

Maybe that has been my aversion to running. reminds me of him, even though we never ran together...

back to happiness..

Expecto Patronus! 
back to normal programming!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not religious, though I believe, and I often post photography pics up of churches on my social media because I have a fascination with them and they make for great photography subjects. I wonder if people think I am super religious based on that. LOL.


I am an atheist. It sounds like a a theist and an atheist could work but in the "end" it just doesn't...
Honestly what I have found is christian women for the most part want to be kind lead in a direction or a biblical direction to be more precise, an atheist can lead them in a direction but the women will in the end not respect him because it is not in the God fearing direction.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> I am an atheist. It sounds like a a theist and an atheist could work but in the "end" it just doesn't...
> Honestly what I have found is christian women for the most part want to be kind lead in a direction or a biblical direction to be more precise, an atheist can lead them in a direction but the women will in the end not respect him because it is not in the God fearing direction.


Since I'm in purgatory (haha - see what I did there?) between atheism and agnosticism, I have tried dating both the spectrum including jewish (which I really respect). I usually just completely avoid those who say God comes first. I'm respectful of people's beliefs and I could be with someone who believed but not if they were the church every Sunday, pray at dinner every night kind of religious. I'll go on Easter, Christmas Eve, etc. I'm not opposed. It's kind of like buying stock in futures. haha


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Since I'm in purgatory (haha - see what I did there?) between atheism and agnosticism, I have tried dating both the spectrum including jewish (which I really respect). I usually just completely avoid those who say God comes first. I'm respectful of people's beliefs and I could be with someone who believed but not if they were the church every Sunday, pray at dinner every night kind of religious. I'll go on Easter, Christmas Eve, etc. I'm not opposed. It's kind of like buying stock in futures. haha


I guess to me, yoga was a stretching exercise. I did 35 min of beginners work and wasn't much of a work out. But will keep everything in mind.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Ahem, Resident Librarian here. And let me just concur. In my library, all of our large group study rooms have one large glass wall. There are, however, alternative study areas, that are private.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And, Nsweet, stop posting pictures of me without asking first!


OMG! Did you click on that girl's tumblr pic? I wanted to say she looked like a young Angelpixie, but I didn't want to be rude.

Both of you just know how to look smart, respectable, and sexy in a pair of geek-sheik glasses.:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Casting a Dementor...
> 
> SO I finally got off my ass and did yoga earlier today, I followed yoga with a 2 mile run. Suddenly, I was bawling like a baby... memories kept flowing out... the ex buying me a threadmill, the ex encouraging me to run... then questioning me why I was running... my Pandora playlist didn't help, as I have it on songs I love that remind me of him.
> I did not quit, I kept running, walking, running, all the time bawling like a baby...
> 
> Maybe that has been my aversion to running. reminds me of him, even though we never ran together...
> 
> back to happiness..
> 
> Expecto Patronus!
> back to normal programming!


Same thing happened to me. 

My ex didn't want me to workout and get in shape, because she was worried I might find a better woman who didn't mistreat me. But she also liked to take shots at me for being fat and flirt with better looking guys in order to make herself feel better. 

Sometimes you gotta play through the pain. Seriously, who's in charge of your body you or your husband?

When I was going through the worst of it I used to make myself workout 4-6 days a week and then come home and watch Cheaters and all these sad movies that reminded me of her until I was so sick of feeling sad I didn't let any of those triggers get to me. 

Because of that I lost 24lbs in 24 weeks and showed up to see her in California for court looking so much better than she did. I busted my ass, watched what I ate, and continued on to lose over another 40lbs and prove to myself I could do better and not let that evil woman's words get to me.



ne9907 said:


> I guess to me, yoga was a stretching exercise. I did 35 min of beginners work and wasn't much of a work out. But will keep everything in mind.


You're making a start. That's good! 

In the beginning your muscles, joints, and ligaments are going to need more time healing from strenuous exercise, which is why it's better to ease yourself into running instead of going out there now and spraining something. 

You've got like another 6 months before your next PRT, right? The best workout for that is going to be one where you do easy pushups, pullups, situps, and running, at least 3 times a day and 3 times a week. Do about 50% intensity for each and slowly add 1-3 reps to all your sets and run a little faster each week. You could also do something else and do these once a week, but this is more of what you will need the month before your PRT.

The way I got my best score for the PRT in the Navy was because I would drop down and do 20 pushups and 20 situps 4 times a day. And I added reps here and there until I could easily do 50 of each. I got 70 pushups and 80 situps because of that. Best record ever! 

his program is going to a little taxing at first, but you get up and do pushups, pullups, and situps before you even brush your teeth. Your treadmill will be find set at anything above 1.0 for right now. Later on though you will need to run on surfaces that replicate your PRT course. Treadmills kind of help you along and are no mach to dirt or gravel.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Casting a Dementor...
> 
> SO I finally got off my ass and did yoga earlier today, I followed yoga with a 2 mile run. Suddenly, I was bawling like a baby... memories kept flowing out... the ex buying me a threadmill, the ex encouraging me to run... then questioning me why I was running... my Pandora playlist didn't help, as I have it on songs I love that remind me of him.
> I did not quit, I kept running, walking, running, all the time bawling like a baby...
> 
> Maybe that has been my aversion to running. reminds me of him, even though we never ran together...
> 
> back to happiness..
> 
> Expecto Patronus!
> back to normal programming!


Its ok ne, some things just trigger those types of memories. Exercise/diet triggers me as well. My ex always criticized my weight, saying he deserved someone who was in shape and thin like he was. That he works hard and deserves a spouse who reflects his hard work. I tried many times to lose weight. Diet, exercise....anything. I would be gung ho, reading fitbie.com, joining My Fitness Pal, was on a forum, cooking healthier and being more physically active. 

Well whatever I did wasn't good enough. I tried but he didn't support me so I failed most times. He wouldn't help with the menu/grocery shopping yet hated the healthier meals I was preparing. I would exercise by walking or hiking or dancing....he would always make comments after my workouts (when I felt accomplished) that I wasn't doing enough and never going to lose weight by walking. That I needed to step it up and work out like he did. 

I have been trying once again to lose weight and get in shape. I am doing great. Sticking with it. But I can't help but hear his voice in my head when I'm eating a delicious salad(he HATED veggies), or playing my dance game ("that will never work, its just a video game").....and I moved out 2 yrs ago in June. 

I realize he did not cause me to fail. I could have told him to shove it and continued with what worked for me. And what I did do that he criticized me for worked very well for me, I was dropping pounds and getting in shape. But eventually his comments just got so defeating I gave up. Thats not his fault, thats mine for giving in to his emotional abuse. But the effects still linger.


----------



## ne9907

Lineup | Stagecoach

I think YES!


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> OMG! Did you click on that girl's tumblr pic? I wanted to say she looked like a young Angelpixie, but I didn't want to be rude.
> 
> Both of you just know how to look smart, respectable, and sexy in a pair of geek-sheik glasses.:smthumbup:


Well, not quite. Thanks to the magic of Photoshop and a free set of eyeglass brushes, I am able to recreate the *ahem* young*er* Angelpixie, had she ever been photographed wearing geek-chic glasses. (I actually wore contacts years ago  )



:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

angelpixie said:


> Well, not quite. Thanks to the magic of Photoshop and a free set of eyeglass brushes, I am able to recreate the *ahem* young*er* Angelpixie, had she ever been photographed wearing geek-chic glasses. (I actually wore contacts years ago  )
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


hot!!!


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Its ok ne, some things just trigger those types of memories. Exercise/diet triggers me as well. My ex always criticized my weight, saying he deserved someone who was in shape and thin like he was. That he works hard and deserves a spouse who reflects his hard work. I tried many times to lose weight. Diet, exercise....anything. I would be gung ho, reading fitbie.com, joining My Fitness Pal, was on a forum, cooking healthier and being more physically active.
> 
> Well whatever I did wasn't good enough. I tried but he didn't support me so I failed most times. He wouldn't help with the menu/grocery shopping yet hated the healthier meals I was preparing. I would exercise by walking or hiking or dancing....he would always make comments after my workouts (when I felt accomplished) that I wasn't doing enough and never going to lose weight by walking. That I needed to step it up and work out like he did.
> 
> I have been trying once again to lose weight and get in shape. I am doing great. Sticking with it. But I can't help but hear his voice in my head when I'm eating a delicious salad(he HATED veggies), or playing my dance game ("that will never work, its just a video game").....and I moved out 2 yrs ago in June.
> 
> I realize he did not cause me to fail. I could have told him to shove it and continued with what worked for me. And what I did do that he criticized me for worked very well for me, I was dropping pounds and getting in shape. But eventually his comments just got so defeating I gave up. Thats not his fault, thats mine for giving in to his emotional abuse. But the effects still linger.


Honey, that's what narcissists do. They tear you down to make themselves feel better and because they can't stand to see anyone but themselves accomplish anything. If you weren't working out and trying to lose weight, say you were going to school... He would have just called you stupid. The insults don't mean anything, it's just whatever they can think of that will hurt you. 

Your ex sounds like a brain dead idiot pencil neck pos sissy. He doesn't know sh!t about being fit. You can lose weight just by walking!. I know I sure did! That fifty pounds I lost in a year when my wife surprised me with divorce papers. All I did was walk to the gym, workout, and walk back. That was it! I stayed inside most of the time. You do burn slightly more calories per hour with more intense workouts, rather than walking or playing Wii fit games. But the more you exercise the more your appetite will rise to compensate calories lost and you could blow 500 calories burned on a treadmill just by being so hungry you reach for seconds.

It's much better to start out easy and slightly increase the intensity as you get more fit, rather than making fat loss an all out war. Because we all know what happens when you make exercise uncomfortable.... You stop doing it all together. And you don't have to live off of boiled chicken breasts and vegetables for the rest of your life. Just eat a little less of what you have in front of you. The quality of calories you have in front of you don't make that much difference once ingested, although there are some foods you would be better eating less of or replacing with something else. For the most part you can eat whatever you want in proper quantities, but you're going to be the one to decide if you should take certain things out of your diet or make alterations as you progress.


----------



## Fenix

2galsmom said:


> Listen to me and listen well but more importantly believe, there are beautiful, beautiful fit women who are cheated on and abused.
> 
> Believe that you will be able to find yourself beautiful.
> 
> Get that voice, HIS voice out of your head. Don't give him the power. You are not entirely to blame, he should not have been treating you like that it takes its toll just like he intended it to.
> 
> I am so happy he can go find someone he TRULY deserves, be happy you did not have one plastic surgery after another or get an eating disorder in that unhealthy relationship.
> 
> angelpixie, is that Princess Diana's hair?


Yep.
I haven't ever been overweight. I have gone up and down on the fitness spectrum. When I was at my fittest, I wasn't *tan* enough. Nothing was ever good enough.


----------



## angelpixie

2galsmom said:


> Listen to me and listen well but more importantly believe, there are beautiful, beautiful fit women who are cheated on and abused.
> 
> Believe that you will be able to find yourself beautiful.
> 
> Get that voice, HIS voice out of your head. Don't give him the power. You are not entirely to blame, he should not have been treating you like that it takes its toll just like he intended it to.
> 
> I am so happy he can go find someone he TRULY deserves, be happy you did not have one plastic surgery after another or get an eating disorder in that unhealthy relationship.
> 
> angelpixie, is that Princess Diana's hair?



Alas, 2GM, no, it was my own.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> Honey, that's what narcissists do. They tear you down to make themselves feel better and because they can't stand to see anyone but themselves accomplish anything. If you weren't working out and trying to lose weight, say you were going to school... He would have just called you stupid. The insults don't mean anything, it's just whatever they can think of that will hurt you.
> 
> Your ex sounds like a brain dead idiot pencil neck pos sissy. He doesn't know sh!t about being fit. You can lose weight just by walking!. I know I sure did! That fifty pounds I lost in a year when my wife surprised me with divorce papers. All I did was walk to the gym, workout, and walk back. That was it! I stayed inside most of the time. You do burn slightly more calories per hour with more intense workouts, rather than walking or playing Wii fit games. But the more you exercise the more your appetite will rise to compensate calories lost and you could blow 500 calories burned on a treadmill just by being so hungry you reach for seconds.
> 
> It's much better to start out easy and slightly increase the intensity as you get more fit, rather than making fat loss an all out war. Because we all know what happens when you make exercise uncomfortable.... You stop doing it all together. And you don't have to live off of boiled chicken breasts and vegetables for the rest of your life. Just eat a little less of what you have in front of you. The quality of calories you have in front of you don't make that much difference once ingested, although there are some foods you would be better eating less of or replacing with something else. For the most part you can eat whatever you want in proper quantities, but you're going to be the one to decide if you should take certain things out of your diet or make alterations as you progress.


My NPD ex weighed me. When I was pregnant he used a tape measure on my upper arms claiming they were bigger than his.

I think I still carry some defiance from that phase and fear of being vulnerable.

Funny tho this week when I picked up kiddo he has kept his weight normal but his ass is GONE - complete droopy drawers haha! He used to have a nice, muscular butt. Sucks to be 12 years older than me now!


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Listen to me and listen well but more importantly believe, there are beautiful, beautiful fit women who are cheated on and abused.
> 
> Believe that you will be able to find yourself beautiful.
> 
> Get that voice, HIS voice out of your head. Don't give him the power. You are not entirely to blame, he should not have been treating you like that it takes its toll just like he intended it to.
> 
> I am so happy he can go find someone he TRULY deserves, be happy you did not have one plastic surgery after another or get an eating disorder in that unhealthy relationship.
> 
> AngelPixie, is that Princess Diana's hair?


You said it perfectly!

I could go into my friend's list on TAM and pick out about 3 dozen beautiful women who were cheated on and treated like crap by their husbands. *In fact, you ladies would be in that very list yourselves.*:rofl: And some of these women are just so unbelievably beautiful you would get angry if you heard the way they talked about themselves. 

I can think of a couple right now who are the perfect weight and very smart, but their husbands called them a "fat cow" or "stupid" every chance they got just to tear them down. A lot of these are women who have never once cheated in their lives, but they endured some straight up bullsh!t from their husbands because they believed they couldn't do better. 

There are just so many assh*les out there that think they are God's gift to women and feel like they deserve to have a wife and f*ck around all they want. These guys are poison and you can't let them get to you. When you're divorced and they are no longer in your life enough to play these f*cked up little head games, they don't have power over you. Only you have the power to change these limited beliefs and stop listening to the exe's voice in your head, because he's not really there... and once you get rid of those looping comments burned into your brain, you are free.

I still hear some of these comments from my ex wife from time to time. But each time I hear them I have to remind myself what a fat loser my ex wife was and that she cheated and tried her best to ruin me so she didn't have to feel remorse. I tried so hard to please her but she didn't want to help herself, she was happiest when she was unhappy and had me to kick around. But she's gone now and none of those comments I hear are true.


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> My NPD ex weighed me. When I was pregnant he used a tape measure on my upper arms claiming they were bigger than his.
> 
> I think I still carry some defiance from that phase and fear of being vulnerable.
> 
> Funny tho this week when I picked up kiddo he has kept his weight normal but his ass is GONE - complete droopy drawers haha! He used to have a nice, muscular butt. Sucks to be 12 years older than me now!


I still can't believe how my ex cheated on me and lost weight for the OM, but as soon as she was his she put on like 60lbs. How the hell does that even happen? 

The broke up this month, (knew it) and now she's really fat and extra full of herself. She's not even that good looking, and I used to think she was nice..... Nope! 

Funny how the one who cheated and though she was so much better didn't do anything to keep up the act for the OM. They never do.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> You said it perfectly!
> 
> I could go into my friend's list on TAM and pick out about 3 dozen beautiful women who were cheated on and treated like crap by their husbands. *In fact, you ladies would be in that very list yourselves.*:rofl: And some of these women are just so unbelievably beautiful you would get angry if you heard the way they talked about themselves.
> 
> I can think of a couple right now who are the perfect weight and very smart, but their husbands called them a "fat cow" or "stupid" every chance they got just to tear them down. A lot of these are women who have never once cheated in their lives, but they endured some straight up bullsh!t from their husbands because they believed they couldn't do better.
> 
> There are just so many assh*les out there that think they are God's gift to women and feel like they deserve to have a wife and f*ck around all they want. These guys are poison and you can't let them get to you. When you're divorced and they are no longer in your life enough to play these f*cked up little head games, they don't have power over you. Only you have the power to change these limited beliefs and stop listening to the exe's voice in your head, because he's not really there... and once you get rid of those looping comments burned into your brain, you are free.
> 
> I still hear some of these comments from my ex wife from time to time. But each time I hear them I have to remind myself what a fat loser my ex wife was and that she cheated and tried her best to ruin me so she didn't have to feel remorse. I tried so hard to please her but she didn't want to help herself, she was happiest when she was unhappy and had me to kick around. But she's gone now and none of those comments I hear are true.



Wasn't your ex a borderline Nsweet? 
I have to sadly laugh at myself, even just recently I was trying to convince myself that I could still make it work with her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Wasn't your ex a borderline Nsweet?
> I have to sadly laugh at myself, even just recently I was trying to convince myself that I could still make it work with her.


Had an itch to invite her over to catch up on her favorite shows in your room while you cooked her dinner again, eh?

I kid I kid!


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Had an itch to invite her over to catch up on her favorite shows in your room while you cooked her dinner again, eh?
> 
> I kid I kid!


No I am talking about all the stuff I have shared with you guys, that kind of recent. And I am sure I don't share everything with you all. And yes I do actually have feelings like that though, like "if I just would have done more it would have been ok" or "if I do more it can be ok".....
But I have continued minimal contact very well so far. A matter of fact I haven't talked to anyone other then my card buddies the other night and you guys...not sure if that's to healthy not talking to anyone though :/


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Wasn't your ex a borderline Nsweet?
> I have to sadly laugh at myself, even just recently I was trying to convince myself that I could still make it work with her.


I'm fairly certain she was.


----------



## vi_bride04

I am thankful for this thread and the advice and words of wisdom everyone contributes. In this post divorce world, it's important to find an outlet for positive, constructive criticism as well as the occasional 2x4. 

Maybe its the wine talking but I love you guys!!


----------



## Nsweet

We like you better when you're sober.

But we love you more.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Maybe its the wine talking but I love you guys!!


Hey! I'm celebrating National Drink Wine Day, too!  Well, I was. But now it's time for some decaf and to go to bed.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



angelpixie said:


> Hey! I'm celebrating National Drink Wine Day, too!  Well, I was. But now it's time for some decaf and to go to bed.


I procrastinated too much tonight so am still celebrating National Drink Wine Day while prepping my roast for the crock pot tomorrow  

But I did do laundry and get my workout in so I'm glad about that.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I am thankful for this thread and the advice and words of wisdom everyone contributes. In this post divorce world, it's important to find an outlet for positive, constructive criticism as well as the occasional 2x4.
> 
> Maybe its the wine talking but I love you guys!!


I am also very grateful for this thread! I would definitely be still doing a lot of the self destructive things I tend to do with out everyone's nudging guidance.
I have made decisions I didn't think were possible with out the support I have received here so fist bumps all around from me to you all. Singles of TAMers are awesome!!!!! 

PS my sisters best friend just messaged me, she does from time to time and talks about us doing this and that...not going to answer...why because it is probably not a positive thing to do and not the best decision.
I think I might just NC all women that were in my past that were in sketchy situations for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

We wouldn't help if YOU didn't take action, AP  

Good job on your progress. Even one tiny step is better than none at all. 

And it sounds like you are enjoying National Drink Wine Day too!! Lol


----------



## bravenewworld

Well this is an odd turn of events - the past few months I've been flying solo and loving every minute. Very minor flirting, zero dating, and 100% focused on meeting my own needs. It's been GREAT! Spent Valentine's day with a group of wonderful single lady friends - the waiters at the restaurant told me I had the hottest dates. :smthumbup:

So a few days ago I'm at this cute (aka beyond my budget) gourmet store picking up cheese for a happy hour type party when I start talking with this attractive guy who seems to know a lot about cheese. We wind up exchanging numbers and a flurry of texting follows. Seems like we have a lot in common - and he asks me out on a date!

Turns out he's the chef at a fancy schmancy local restaurant everyone's been raving about. Something so hot about a man who can cook! And he has a beard. Lately, I have a beard thing. Who knows why. 

No expectations but I'm feeling excited! Just so funny this all happened when I was so not looking at all. Guess that's how life works. FYI universe - I am NOT looking to win the lotto. 

What to wear....what to wear.....


----------



## Jellybeans

Brave, that's awesome! Maybe he can cook you some dinner!

Oooh I do love wine and didn't know there was a National Wine Day. Someone please have a glass for me.



Nsweet said:


> Your ex sounds like a brain dead idiot pencil neck pos sissy.


Haha. Nsweet is on a roll! Love this so much.

Also, I am a massive fan of walking. It's one of my favorite forms of exercise!



Another Planet said:


> But I have continued minimal contact very well so far. A matter of fact I haven't talked to anyone other then my card buddies the other night and you guys...not sure if that's to healthy not talking to anyone though :/





vi_bride04 said:


> Maybe its the wine talking but I love you guys!!


We love you too. Hugs!



Another Planet said:


> I think I might just NC all women that were in my past that were in sketchy situations for me.


That is a good idea. Try not to get down on yourself. Do I need to take you on a date so we can practice a little bit and I can get ya back on your Studly Mojo? Then you can make all the women fall in love with you and start pursuing more F*CK YESes.

Angel--LOVE the geek glasses.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I am also very grateful for this thread! I would definitely be still doing a lot of the self destructive things I tend to do with out everyone's nudging guidance.
> I have made decisions I didn't think were possible with out the support I have received here so fist bumps all around from me to you all. Singles of TAMers are awesome!!!!!
> 
> PS my sisters best friend just messaged me, she does from time to time and talks about us doing this and that...not going to answer...why because it is probably not a positive thing to do and not the best decision.
> I think I might just NC all women that were in my past that were in sketchy situations for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Your a classic AP . All these ex's and women texting you all the time , wish l had the problem right now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Holy crap AP, you're freaking ADORABLE!! I hadn't checked out your pics before!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Well, hell. I can't see. Do you have to be 'friends' to see pics?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> We wouldn't help if YOU didn't take action, AP
> 
> Good job on your progress. Even one tiny step is better than none at all.
> 
> And it sounds like you are enjoying National Drink Wine Day too!! Lol


I did have a couple beers after work but no I just got done working a 14hr day on about 1/2hr of sleep with a 6hr day right before that so I tend to get a little weird afer...I still meant everything I said 



Jellybeans said:


> That is a good idea. Try not to get down on yourself. Do I need to take you on a date so we can practice a little bit and I can get ya back on your Studly Mojo? Then you can make all the women fall in love with you and start pursuing more F*CK YESes.
> 
> Angel--LOVE the geek glasses.


:smthumbup:



whitehawk said:


> Your a classic AP . All these ex's and women texting you all the time , wish l had the problem right now.


It's not what it's cracked up to be, the grass is definitely not greener over here. They don't actually like me they like the idea of me, a term I learned from you guys about why they treat me the way they do is "ego boost". If I messaged her back I am sure her response would be something like "I am coming into town winkyface winkyface"...



3Xnocharm said:


> Holy crap AP, you're freaking ADORABLE!! I hadn't checked out your pics before!


 thanks


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, hell. I can't see. Do you have to be 'friends' to see pics?


I'll send you a friend request


----------



## Jellybeans

The idea is to get more F*CK YESes and not F*CK Exes. HAHAHA


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> I'll send you a friend request


Thanks - like the wine glass picture - you are giving the TAM gals your bedroom eyes!

Go get'im, girls!


----------



## vi_bride04

EnjoliWoman said:


> Thanks - like the wine glass picture - you are giving the TAM gals your bedroom eyes!
> 
> Go get'im, girls!


So, AP, want to play some euchre sometime????

*flutters eyelashes*

hahaha


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hey I saw him first!!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So, AP, want to play some euchre sometime????
> 
> *flutters eyelashes*
> 
> hahaha





3Xnocharm said:


> Hey I saw him first!!


lol



Jellybeans said:


> The idea is to get more F*CK YESes and *not F*CK Exes*. HAHAHA


LOVE IT! 



EnjoliWoman said:


> Thanks - like the wine glass picture - you are giving the TAM gals your bedroom eyes!
> 
> Go get'im, girls!


 Yeah Gay guys behind me were diggin me too. That was in Napa Valley, first stop was Sterling vineyard which was this pic I think. Great times and I can't wait to go back!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey I saw him first!!


I only live about 45min away from him.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I only live about 45min away from him.


Life is SO fvcking unfair!! :slap:


----------



## vi_bride04

We can get the pillows out and fight if you want?


----------



## Jellybeans

I will be the referee. LOL.

But a warning, it's National Wine Day so I may end up pouring a glass and failing my duties.


----------



## Another Planet

I thought yesterday was? Or is it National wine day everyday? I have a Cabernet sauvignon open that I need to finish, maybe spaghetti and meatballs is in order for dinner tonight...yum!


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> I thought yesterday was? Or is it National wine day everyday? I have a Cabernet sauvignon open that I need to finish, maybe spaghetti and meatballs is in order for dinner tonight...yum!


I think, at least in JB's world, it's national wine day everyday!


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha it IS National Wine Day every day in my house!

It's funny. I may run out of groceries but I am never ever out of wine!

AP-you are making me hungry. That dinner sounds delish.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hee


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Hee


Brilliant! Is that a real wine?


----------



## Jellybeans

Yep! There's a whole line of them! I only found out today! HEE HEE.

Guys, I think I may have met my match! A guy was telling me how it took him getting married to realize how stupid marriage is and how this is hard for him when he goes out with women now because he feels the women he meets think their only reason for living is to have a marriage and children.

I want to date someone similar-minded, I've decided.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yep! There's a whole line of them! I only found out today! HEE HEE.
> 
> Guys, I think I may have met my match! A guy was telling me how it took him getting married to realize how stupid marriage is and how this is hard for him when he goes out with women now because he feels the women he meets think their only reason for living is to have a marriage and children.
> 
> I want to date someone similar-minded, I've decided.


OH?? Do tell! Where did this guy show up from?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

The sexual frustration permeates this thread.......


----------



## Jellybeans

Well it ISSSS Hump Day up in here!


----------



## Nsweet

It's clamp day over here in single-guy-ville.


----------



## Dedicated2Her




----------



## Jellybeans

What is that pic of, D2H? I can't see it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

a turtle humping a shoe.....


----------



## Jellybeans

hehehehe


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh my! Not work appropriate!!!!


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Well it ISSSS Hump Day up in here!





Dedicated2Her said:


>





Dedicated2Her said:


> a turtle humping a shoe.....


What hump?


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Yep! There's a whole line of them! I only found out today! HEE HEE.
> 
> Guys, I think I may have met my match! A guy was telling me how it took him getting married to realize how stupid marriage is and how this is hard for him when he goes out with women now because he feels the women he meets think their only reason for living is to have a marriage and children.
> 
> I want to date someone similar-minded, I've decided.


JB, I was telling a (much) younger (female) friend how I didn't know if I could have a relationship with someone who hadn't been divorced, because a man who's always been single would probably have a difficult time understanding where I'm coming from. She responded, "FemInPink, don't say that! You can't let your divorce define you!" 

I responded, I DON'T let if define me, but it has permanently and irrevocable changed my perspective of life, love, marriage, and everything in-between, and I don't know if someone who hasn't had a similar experience can understand that. 

She just looked at me blankly, basically proving my point.

(OK, it may be her youth talking. But my crush of the moment - we shall call him karaoke hat - has a similar reaction to a similar statement, and he's my age +6 yrs or so.)

This is discouraging, because there are LOTS of single men my age bracket in DC - the majority of whom have never been married.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I responded, I DON'T let if define me, but it has permanently and irrevocable changed my perspective of life, love, marriage, and everything in-between, and I don't know if someone who hasn't had a similar experience can understand that.


:iagree:

I could not agree with this more.

Its like getting cheated on. Unless someone has actually been through the experience THEY HAVE NO CLUE how to relate.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh my! Not work appropriate!!!!


Meh.....it's wildlife. Nothing to see here.


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> This is discouraging, because there are LOTS of single men my age bracket in DC - the majority of whom have never been married.


So there's lots of unhousebroken dogs in your area.... Is what you're telling us.

You know the difference between a single man in his 40s and a divorced man in his 40s? Divorced men know what it feels like to try and fail at marriage, to marry the right woman at the time who is utterly wrong for them... But they stuck with it for years! The single never married guys only know about dating the right woman and then dumping her for the next right woman, no real long term commitment or struggling. 

Oh and divorced men are like rescue dogs. They're already housebroken and trained, they just need your love and enough time to get to know you well before they're ready to walk beside you.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Oh and divorced men are like rescue dogs. They're already housebroken and trained, they just need your love and enough time to get to know you well before they're ready to walk beside you.


This makes me want to puke.


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> This makes me want to puke.


Go ahead and puke, you'll look skinnier afterwards.


----------



## unsure78

The thread is an interesting read today lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> So there's lots of unhousebroken dogs in your area.... Is what you're telling us.
> 
> You know the difference between a single man in his 40s and a divorced man in his 40s? Divorced men know what it feels like to try and fail at marriage, to marry the right woman at the time who is utterly wrong for them... But they stuck with it for years! The single never married guys only know about dating the right woman and then dumping her for the next right woman, no real long term commitment or struggling.


That's why I'm a little hesitant about my karaoke hat, as much as I might like him... I don't know if he can go the distance.

Then again, I'm not sure I want to tie myself down again, either... but I'm not sweatin' it. Karaoke hat hasn't made his intentions known yet, anyway -- I think he's trying to get to know me as a "friend" first to see if there's more potential there. Which is a little frustrating, but whatever. While he's trying to suss that out, I'm still free to shop around 



Nsweet said:


> Oh and divorced men are like rescue dogs. They're already housebroken and trained, they just need your love and enough time to get to know you well before they're ready to walk beside you.


Well, I'm kind of thinking like this, but that's not how I would say it. And some of the divorced men are like my XH... he's all cute, adorable, and loving at the pound, but by the time you get him home, he either growls at you or ignores you, p!sses or sh!ts everywhere inside, and chews up your good shoes.


----------



## vi_bride04

I don't like comparing men to dogs.

Dogs are way more loyal


----------



## ne9907

AP is wonderful
I once jokingly called him dog .... he was awesome about it!!!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-i-might-have-crossed-line-married-woman.html


----------



## Nsweet

Stop me if you've heard this one before....

So a divorced woman tells a bunch on anonymous online strangers about her new boyfriend she affectionately calls "Divorced Hat". She tells them all these strange things he does for her without even trying that her ex never did.

"Like what?" They ask her for an example and she rambles on...

"He puts the toilet seat down after he's finished peing, he warms me up with foreplay before sex, he hasn't even tried to hit me or hurl insults when he's upset, and just this morning I caught him doing dishes and sweeping the floor without being asked."

"You want to hear the weirdest part?" - she added.

"As soon as we got into a relationship together he gave me all his computer's passwords and deactivated his facebook account. I think he may be the one!":rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> AP is wonderful
> I once jokingly called him dog .... he was awesome about it!!!
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-i-might-have-crossed-line-married-woman.html


OMG so embarrassed, that was only a couple months ago too. Not sure if I want that spot light shown on me lol...oh well it happened and well still happens but now I just do not respond to those women and am setting up boundaries to not get in those circumstances in the future.
I would have to say you all have massively changed my entire outlook on the whole thing so lets just chalk one up for you guys :yay:

I have to say it is even strange for me now to look back even that far and see myself let alone what you GUYS MUST HAVE BEEN thinking omg


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't like comparing men to dogs.
> 
> Dogs are way more loyal


I would be loyal to you too if I was an 100% dependent on you for everything, a complete idiot, and only understood two phrases from you... "want some food" and "go for a walk".

Just a thought..... You might have better luck with guys is during an HJ you kept repeating "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" over and over until that mental programming sinks in. Make sure every time you give the command he gets really happy to be with you.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Lol yep


----------



## Nsweet

I wonder if that's the "I just know my husband will come home piss drunk and horny" face.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> I wonder if that's the "I just know my husband will come home piss drunk and horny" face.


Have you seen that movie? He gives it to her pretty good before he goes off to fight the good fight.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> It's not what it's cracked up to be, the grass is definitely not greener over here. They don't actually like me they like the idea of me, a term I learned from you guys about why they treat me the way they do is "ego boost". If I messaged her back I am sure her response would be something like "I am coming into town winkyface winkyface"...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Don't get ya , you mean their ego boost ? As in if your nice to them they think they can have you ego boost,,, or somem like that :scratchhead::scratchhead:
> l've had periods where they seem to be everywhere but right now ain't one of them.
> Tbh , l was never sure which sitch was worst. Gets pretty stressful if there's too much goin on doesn't it but depends on what and who to l spose.
> Wouldn't want ex's hanging round though , well mine now's a bit different l hoped for R but otherwise .
> Then again , 18yrs together , not even sure how that one works anyway !


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Have you seen that movie? He gives it to her pretty good before he goes off to fight the good fight.


One of the best movies ever...after Gladiator, of coarse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> One of the best movies ever...after Gladiator, of coarse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ugh. Woman. You're something.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Ugh. Woman. You're something.


Sequel is out soon. To say I am excited would be an understatement. Though, I will miss the gloriousness that was Leonidis.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Sequel is out soon. To say I am excited would be an understatement. Though, I will miss the gloriousness that was Leonidis.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I watched 300 so many times... then I'd play only the battle scenes.

If only we could make a date night out of the sequel.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I watched 300 so many times... then I'd play only the battle scenes.
> 
> If only we could make a date night out of the sequel.


We can totally have a date night watching a movie...In 16 years :/ lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> We can totally have a date night watching a movie...In 16 years :/ lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If we're looking forward to one 16 years from meow, I'm confident we could sneak one or five in before that.


----------



## whitehawk

l don't get this date site [email protected]
lt seems the only ones l hear from are girls l wouldn't normally go for anyway.
But when l find someone l would go for she's not interested . Yet tbh , l haven't even found anyone l'd really go for on mine, l'm actually cutting corners even bothering with them tbh.
Does anyone else find similar [email protected] with sites or ?

Yet l go out and there's dif' no shortage , l don't get it.

l'm gonna put a pic in to one of these days, get you experts to check me out :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l don't get this date site [email protected]
> lt seems the only ones l hear from are girls l wouldn't normally go for anyway.
> But when l find someone l would go for she's not interested . Yet tbh , l haven't even found anyone l'd really go for on mine, l'm actually cutting corners even bothering with them tbh.
> Does anyone else find similar [email protected] with sites or ?
> 
> Yet l go out and there's dif' no shortage , l don't get it.
> 
> l'm gonna put a pic in to one of these days, get you experts to check me out :rofl:


tonight is as best time as any!~


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l don't get this date site [email protected]
> lt seems the only ones l hear from are girls l wouldn't normally go for anyway.
> But when l find someone l would go for she's not interested
> 
> Does anyone else find similar [email protected] with sites or ?


Welcome to the real world.

I don't use the sites but this happens in real life all the time. Currently, the guy I don't want to see again will NOT stop contacting me and the guy I wish would bang my brains out has pulled a disappearing act. Oy.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Welcome to the real world.
> 
> I don't use the sites but this happens in real life all the time. Currently, the guy I don't want to see again will NOT stop contacting me and the guy I wish would bang my brains out has pulled a disappearing act. Oy.


Oy is right, I totally feel you on this.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah right damn it l remember, it's very disheartening isn't it. Even back at school it was like that wasn't it !
Once in yr 8 a girl liked me and her older bro gave me hell bc l didn't wanna go out with her. But of course , the one l did like, lovvvveee back then :rofl: wouldn't even look at me .
Love sucks


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> tonight is as best time as any!~




Ah ne, had it for you since your first pic :smthumbup, you won't want me though , cry :rofl: . l'm gonna round one up !


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Ah ne, had it for you since your first pic :smthumbup, you won't want me though , cry :rofl: . l'm gonna round one up !


aww you are sweet, 
you are in good company here, we wont laugh at your picture~


----------



## whitehawk

Well , l'm reallyyyy nervous about this but anyway , there's a pic if it works.

Bit blury but hey , l built that deck myself :rofl: , what you can see of it .


----------



## ne9907

That is a great picture WH!!

looks like a tropical setting, very exotic and nice! Nice looking deck too


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> That is a great picture WH!!
> 
> looks like a tropical setting, very exotic and nice! Nice looking deck too



Haha you think , thanks ne , pretty crap l thought. Trying to find some for my date site right now although God knows why , l think we just do this date site [email protected] through boredom while we're waiting :lol:


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Haha you think , thanks ne , pretty crap l thought. Trying to find some for my date site right now although God knows why , l think we just do this date site [email protected] through boredom while we're waiting :lol:


WH...If you don't mind answering, how old are you, what is the age range you are looking for and what does your profile summary say? Take some pics if you don't have any, but no bathroom selfies. Guys taking bathroom selfies always struck me as odd.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I responded, I DON'T let if define me, but it has permanently and irrevocable changed my perspective of life, love, marriage, and everything in-between


Yeah, exactly! It'd be stranger if it had zero effect on how you view things, you know? I definitely don't view a lot of things the same way anymore.



FeministInPink said:


> there are LOTS of single men my age bracket in DC - the majority of whom have never been married.


Grr. What is up with that? Seriously! 



Nsweet said:


> *You know the difference between a single man in his 40s and a divorced man in his 40s?* Divorced men know what it feels like to try and fail at marriage, to marry the right woman at the time who is utterly wrong for them... But they stuck with it for years! *The single never married guys only know about dating the right woman and then dumping her for the next right woman, no real long term commitment or struggling.
> *


*Men (preferrably 40 and over*): Do you think this is true? 



2galsmom said:


> Jellybeans, seriously, it is UN-attractive for someone to completely ignore boundaries you set up. I know some people find it attractive, and think Oh I am so great this person is going to all that trouble but if you think about it, he is completely ignoring your requests and seems to not care at all about what you honestly expressed.


Oh believe me. I agree. He actually reached out to me...again last night. Twice. Inviting me to an art exhibit. Did not repsond. He has probably invited me out about ten times over the past three weeks.


----------



## vi_bride04

Wow JB, he really has some sort of issue with rejection, huh?


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> *Men (preferrably 40 and over*): Do you think this is true?


No. It depends entirely on the circumstances behind the divorce... Or the perpetual bachelorhood.

Having been married for years doesn't necessarily mean they actually tried to make it work... It doesn't necessarily mean they "stuck it out" on purpose... It doesn't mean they necessarily struggled to keep the marriage together or that they had any long term commitment to their spouse.

And enduring a bad relationship for years is not necessarily a virtue to be sought after.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Wow JB, he really has some sort of issue with rejection, huh?


I don't know what it is. I have never seen anything like it. My colleague was asking me if he knew where I worked/lived and I told her that if he did, he would have already showed up with a a million roses and a band to sing to me. People have suggested that he is "trying to wear me down" but the thing is... it's not working. All it is doing is turning me off. 

This is a classic example on why chasing someone is bad. I have no sexy feelings for him, especially after this.



Pbartender said:


> No. It depends entirely on the circumstances behind the divorce... * Or the perpetual bachelorhood.*


Pbar, my question was more for the guys who are perpetual bachelor's, never been married and in their, say, late 40s and beyond. What does it meaaaan? (to you men)


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Pbar, my question was more for the guys who are perpetual bachelor's, never been married and in their, say, late 40s and beyond. What does it meaaaan? (to you men)


As I said, it depends entirely on the circumstances behind the situation... Being a perpetual bachelor by itself doesn't necessarily mean anything.


----------



## FeministInPink

2galsmom said:


> FeministinPink, you are so lucky, so very very lucky to be at an age where the men are single and have not gone through a divorce. I am with your friend! *Do not limit yourself.*


Oh, I'm not! But I do think it's important to recognize that this may be a challenge that I hadn't encountered in my younger years. 

I have no intention of only dating divorced men. In fact, IRL a number of the divorced men I've met come across as quite bitter about their divorce, or they clearly haven't learned from the experience, and I'm going to explicitly stay away from them.

Conversely, there may be a number of never-been-married men who are sympathetic and understanding, are emotionally mature and healthy, and simply haven't found the right person yet (or were more focused on their careers for the majority of their 20s, into their 30s, which definitely seems the case around here).


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> I wonder if that's the "I just know my husband will come home piss drunk and horny" face.


The problem with that is usually the piss-drunk body does NOT cooperate and it's just sloppy, frustrating attempts.

Alcohol is NOT a penis's friend.


----------



## Another Planet

Uh oh... she texted me a good morning text!


----------



## Jellybeans

Who?


----------



## muskrat

I have a question. I know this isn't the right section of Tam, but since most the people I know and trust are in this thread I am asking here.
How do you know if your lawyer is doing a good job?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Uh oh... she texted me a good morning text!


And thats a BAD THING??


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I have a question. I know this isn't the right section of Tam, but since most the people I know and trust are in this thread I am asking here.
> How do you know if your lawyer is doing a good job?


They are responsive to you; treat you kindly; listen to you and answer your questions; are actually moving the divorce forward; are professional, are explaining things to you.


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> I have a question. I know this isn't the right section of Tam, but since most the people I know and trust are in this thread I am asking here.
> How do you know if your lawyer is doing a good job?


If they're not trying to drag things out to raise your bill. I was honest about my financial situation, and my lawyer allowed me to make my own photocopies (could do it free at work), and serve Chinless myself and it saved me some money. 

You want someone who is on your side and trying to work for you, but not underhanded and dishonest.


----------



## muskrat

Mine often leaves me with the impression that I am wasting her time. Is she just trying to save me money by keeping things short or is she just to busy to be bothered by my legal problems?


----------



## Jellybeans

Mine was like that, too. Hard not to take that personally.

Just call her out on it.


----------



## muskrat

Thanks JB. 
I had someone recommend a different lawyer to me last night, I am trying to decide what to do.
I had a child support conference yesterday. My lawyer (whose office is 1 block from the courthouse) told me to meet her at the court house at 3:15. I was there early, my ex and her lawyer were there at 3:10. My lawyer showed up at 3:28 for a 3:30 hearing. She wasn't really helpful at all with what happened at the hearing either. Afterwards she said if I have questions to call and she left. I had to do fill out some papers and when I was leaving I noticed my exes lawyer was still in the hallway explaining things to my ex. This all is making me wonder if I need to make a change.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hmmm yeah if you are not comfortable with her and want someone else, perhaps you can seek someone else out.

I think it'd be good if you voice your concerns to her. I definitely told my lawyer that I felt he was XYZ when he was so he knew.

He seemed really busy/lackadaisacal a lot of the times and then one day he totally wowed me at a hearing and basically told ex's lawyer where to go and the judge sided with him. So funny. I was like Oh right that's why I am paying you!

I think sometimes the lawyers hear so much stuff that has no relevance (high emotions and sob stories and whatnot) tat they may come across as aloof/cold cause really all they need is the facts to deal with and do their job; the other stuff (emotional) doesn't matter but that goes hand in hand with divorce! The he-said-she-said. But you should still tell her how you feel if you feel and what you need from her/any questions you have.


----------



## vi_bride04

New lawyer rat. My divorce attorney was like that and totally did bare minimum. Was late, didn't explain things well and didn't work nearly at getting me what I asked for. Dragged things out a little bit for more $$$. The lawyer I'm using for contempt of court is MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more thorough. Wish I would have used them for my divorce!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> And thats a BAD THING??


A "good morning" text can actually be a bad thing. I have dated a few women since my divorce, and I can say two stand out that I literally had to start the good morning text to start communication and had to finish the day with a good night text to end it.

The one's that usually initiate the communication........are crazy as f#ck. 

One thing I love is to be able to start and pursue the communication. To be able to set the tone for the relationship and feel like I'm always hunting her. My current gf will absolutely not reach out to me on a day until I reach out first. I LOVE it. Just something about it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> The one's that usually initiate the communication........are crazy as f#ck.


:rofl:

Who knew "Good morning" could mean bunny boiler?



Dedicated2Her said:


> One thing I love is to be able to start and pursue the communication. To be able to set the tone for the relationship and feel like I'm always hunting her. My current gf will absolutely not reach out to me on a day until I reach out first. I LOVE it. Just something about it.


I know men like to be hunters... But imagine that would get old after awhile. For me, I like it to be equal in a relationship/dating. If one partner is doing all the pursuing/initiating all the time... it eventually starts to feel one-sided.

When you say the "two who stood out"--do you mean the two you liked the most?


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> A "good morning" text can actually be a bad thing. I have dated a few women since my divorce, and I can say two stand out that I literally had to start the good morning text to start communication and had to finish the day with a good night text to end it.
> 
> The one's that usually initiate the communication........are crazy as f#ck.
> 
> One thing I love is to be able to start and pursue the communication. To be able to set the tone for the relationship and feel like I'm always hunting her. My current gf will absolutely not reach out to me on a day until I reach out first. I LOVE it. Just something about it.


Interesting... in the one ltr post D i had it was the same he almost always initiated every morning... I also have been going about it more this way as well, letting the man contact for the most part...

so it really does something for you?


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> A "good morning" text can actually be a bad thing. I have dated a few women since my divorce, and I can say two stand out that I literally had to start the good morning text to start communication and had to finish the day with a good night text to end it.
> 
> The one's that usually initiate the communication........are crazy as f#ck.
> 
> One thing I love is to be able to start and pursue the communication. To be able to set the tone for the relationship and feel like I'm always hunting her. My current gf will absolutely not reach out to me on a day until I reach out first. I LOVE it. Just something about it.


Oh man... I like the statement to each their own, do what makes you happy.

But these are the sort of tactics or games that turn me off dating. I want to be the real me, I want to send a good morning text if I want to do that.
I am passionate which could be called crazy, Hell!!!

Maybe I don't know what I am anymore, as I haven't dated anyone (except ex) in 16 years...

Yet, I would like to send good morning texts and I would like the man who is receiving them to tell me up front how he feels about them.

I guess I am "gigi" (Ginnifer Goodwin) from the movie "He is just not that into you"....
I wear my heart on my sleeve and not very good at mind games.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Oh man... I like the statement to each their own, do what makes you happy.
> 
> But these are the sort of tactics or games that turn me off dating. I want to be the real me, I want to send a good morning text if I want to do that.
> I am passionate which could be called crazy, Hell!!!
> 
> Maybe I don't know what I am anymore, as I haven't dated anyone (except ex) in 16 years...
> 
> Yet, I would like to send good morning texts and I would like the man who is receiving them to tell me up front how he feels about them.
> 
> I guess I am "gigi" (Ginnifer Goodwin) from the movie "He is just not that into you"....
> I wear my heart on my sleeve and not very good at mind games.


Me too, NE. I would not appreciate there being "rules" set for as to when I was allowed to communicate or not!  I admit, I prefer to RECEIVE the good morning first, but I should be able to send first if I am feeling it. When I am in a relationship, I do appreciate a good morning and a good night, it only seems logical to me, why would you not do this? :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> But these are the sort of tactics or games that turn me off dating. I want to be the real me, I want to send a good morning text if I want to do that.





3Xnocharm said:


> Me too, NE. I would not appreciate there being "rules" set for as to when I was allowed to communicate or not!  I admit, I prefer to RECEIVE the good morning first, but I should be able to send first if I am feeling it. :scratchhead:


:iagree::iagree:

with both of you


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> When you say the "two who stood out"--do you mean the two you liked the most?


The two who made it past date 3..... Way too many red flags with the others.......



> so it really does something for you?


I guess it does. I saw 3x's response and I really started thinking about things and about the past couple of years of dating.



> But these are the sort of tactics or games that turn me off dating.


I don't see it as a game or tactic. I just see it as an observation. The one's that initiated conversation typically had other red flags. (hindsight is 20/20)



> Me too, NE. I would not appreciate there being "rules" set for as to when I was allowed to communicate or not! I admit, I prefer to RECEIVE the good morning first, but I should be able to send first if I am feeling it. When I am in a relationship, I do appreciate a good morning and a good night, it only seems logical to me, why would you not do this?


Rules.....allowed...LOL. You are missing the point. I don't think these girls were playing a game. I think it's just their natural inclination and belief in themselves as an individual.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Oh, and a friend of mine is the KING of attracting crazy girls. THEY ALL intiate contact. It's hilarious. We laugh about it all the time.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> Rules.....allowed...LOL. You are missing the point. I don't think these girls were playing a game. I think it's just their natural inclination and belief in themselves as an individual.


I see your point, what makes you happy does not necessarily will make others happy.

If, when I am dating, I want to send a good morning text I will. If that turns the guy off, too bad he wasn't for me. Chasing pavements? Nope. I will stay true to myself just like you are, which is WIN=WIN for all parties involved.


----------



## unsure78

I will agree D2H the more dating i do...i dont like being the one having to chase them down, frankly at this point i see it as if they are not reaching out to me they are just not that interested ...

i dont see it as a game either...and yes if i feel like reaching out and texting i will, but as a whole I try to let them initiate..... i have actually found that it correlates pretty well with how interested they are in you... if i get regular good morning texts at the same time or whatever they are still interested, its actually the first sign they are losing interest when the good morning texts become more sporadic or if i have to initiate

(woah i used the word "interested" a looooot above, my cold medicine today makes for bad posting technique...lol)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

muskrat said:


> Thanks JB.
> I had someone recommend a different lawyer to me last night, I am trying to decide what to do.
> I had a child support conference yesterday. My lawyer (whose office is 1 block from the courthouse) told me to meet her at the court house at 3:15. I was there early, my ex and her lawyer were there at 3:10. My lawyer showed up at 3:28 for a 3:30 hearing. She wasn't really helpful at all with what happened at the hearing either. Afterwards she said if I have questions to call and she left. I had to do fill out some papers and when I was leaving I noticed my exes lawyer was still in the hallway explaining things to my ex. This all is making me wonder if I need to make a change.


Your attorney is not helpful. I agree with others' assessment of a good attorney. My first attorney was great but she was tough, to the point woman. No emotion but sympathetic, factual and explained things. Since attorneys work by the hour I had my questions always written and did conference calls to go through my list quickly and to the point. 

I would have used her again but when I was served with emergency temporary custody papers she had court scheduled all week and referred me to another. Second one was a little warmer but one tough ***** in heels. 

But BOTH of them would arrive early to discuss what was about to happen in the courtroom, at a hearing or deposition... and they would pull me aside after to explain what happened or what the next steps are or any decisions I needed to make. If we needed to talk, they were seldom available immediately but I could usually schedule a 15 minute call within a day or two.

I think I ended up with two fabulous attorneys. Plus the second one had a great background in parental alienation and recommended getting the GAL, etc.


----------



## Jellybeans

I like a healthy balance in dating but will say I do like for a dude to usually ask me out FIRST,t hen after that all the contact can be eithe rperson.

Story time: I did meet a guy out and we were like va-va-voom staring at eachother, he kept looking over at me and it was making me smile (we were eyeball flirting, don't act like you have never done this cause I won't believe it).  So sexy. Turns out we were both connected online to the event, which I found out later when I went back to post up info on the event, so seeing him on there, I messaged him a brief hello, saying I'd seen him at event and he immediately sent me a flirt message back and told me he wanted to take me out to dinner. Well he did and took me to some fancy place, and I felt like I liked him and we went on some five (so like five or six dates) and then... just as I was getting all hot and heavy with him and was sure we were about to kick it to the next level, after our last date...he pulled a Houdini on me. Fvck. Riddle me that. I really was thinking he was into me because why keep going on dates with me? I generally won't go out with a dude that many times if I am not feeling him. Ever.

And yes, men, I want your opinion, Daddio that means you and all the other studly studs of this thread.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> I see your point, what makes you happy does not necessarily will make others happy.
> 
> If, when I am dating, I want to send a good morning text I will. If that turns the guy off, too bad he wasn't for me. Chasing pavements? Nope. I will stay true to myself just like you are, which is WIN=WIN for all parties involved.


NE.... I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I teased my gf this morning because she called me as soon as I sent her a text. I was late getting to work and didn't text her until I got in the car. We have been dating for 13 months. Up until this point, the only time she has ever texted me first in the a.m. is when she fell asleep and didn't respond to my goodnight text. 

However, my friend went on his 2nd date with this girl. The next morning she texted him "good morning ". We laughed. She has turned out to be a total freak show. We actually have different ring tones for the crazies. When we are out grabbing a beer and it goes off, hilarity ensues.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> I like a healthy balance in dating but will say I do like for a dude to usually ask me out FIRST,t hen after that all the contact can be eithe rperson.
> 
> Story time: I did meet a guy out and we were like va-va-voom staring at eachother, he kept looking over at me and it was making me smile (we were eyeball flirting, don't act like you have never done this cause I won't believe it).  So sexy. Turns out we were both connected online to the event, which I found out later when I went back to post up info on the event, so seeing him on there, I messaged him a brief hello, saying I'd seen him at event and he immediately sent me a flirt message back and told me he wanted to take me out to dinner. Well he did and took me to some fancy place, and I felt like I liked him and we went on some five (so like five or six dates) and then... just as I was getting all hot and heavy with him and was sure we were about to kick it to the next level, after our last date...he pulled a Houdini on me. Fvck. Riddle me that. I really was thinking he was into me because why keep going on dates with me? I generally won't go out with a dude that many times if I am not feeling him. Ever.
> 
> And yes, men, I want your opinion, Daddio that means you and all the other studly studs of this thread.


JB. I think you are dealing with a person who doesn't like confrontation. Which, is why he wouldn't approach you at the event even though you guys were "eye flirting". If I'm eye flirting, I'm moving in for the kill...........that night. 

That is why he pulled houdini, too. Better off not wasting your time because he will be passive aggressive in a relationship.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> However, my friend went on his 2nd date with this girl. The next morning she texted him "good morning ". We laughed. She has turned out to be a total freak show. We actually have different ring tones for the crazies. When we are out grabbing a beer and it goes off, hilarity ensues.


:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I like a healthy balance in dating but will say I do like for a dude to usually ask me out FIRST,t hen after that all the contact can be eithe rperson.
> 
> Story time: I did meet a guy out and we were like va-va-voom staring at eachother, he kept looking over at me and it was making me smile (we were eyeball flirting, don't act like you have never done this cause I won't believe it).  So sexy. Turns out we were both connected online to the event, which I found out later when I went back to post up info on the event, so seeing him on there, I messaged him a brief hello, saying I'd seen him at event and he immediately sent me a flirt message back and told me he wanted to take me out to dinner. Well he did and took me to some fancy place, and I felt like I liked him and we went on some five (so like five or six dates) and then... just as I was getting all hot and heavy with him and was sure we were about to kick it to the next level, after our last date...he pulled a Houdini on me. Fvck. Riddle me that. *I really was thinking he was into me because why keep going on dates with me? I generally won't go out with a dude that many times if I am not feeling him. Ever.*
> 
> And yes, men, I want your opinion, Daddio that means you and all the other studly studs of this thread.


This is kinda what happened to me with Mr NoChem, granted he didnt disappear, but if he wasnt feeling it, why go out so many times, and in such a SHORT time?? :scratchhead: And am I like you in that I wouldnt do 5+ dates unless I was really feeling it with him either, so I guess I just dont understand that mindset. Makes me leery about future interactions.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> This is kinda what happened to me with Mr NoChem, granted he didnt disappear, but if he wasnt feeling it, why go out so many times, and in such a SHORT time?? :scratchhead: And am I like you in that I wouldnt do 5+ dates unless I was really feeling it with him either, so I guess I just dont understand that mindset.* Makes me leery about future interactions.*


Of course. Don't get physical quickly. Have dealbreakers and stick to them. Just ease into it. My "rules" typically are in place for me to keep myself in check. Not to be led by emotion.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated--I, like you, rather go a little slower... so we didn't actually get to the big SEX (and if you know anything about me, I would have REALLLLLLY liked that) so it wasn't that. Dammit! Plus i was really looking forward to that!

But yeah you are onto something prob with the non-confrontation thing. I just wish people were more upfront about how they feel. Five dates...that is a lot of blowing my hair out and getting ready, etc. Hahaha. I would never go out with someone that much if I didn't like them.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> If I'm eye flirting, I'm moving in for the kill...........that night.


:rofl::smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> Of course. Don't get physical quickly. Have dealbreakers and stick to them. Just ease into it. My "rules" typically are in place for me to keep myself in check. Not to be led by emotion.


We had not been physical by that point. Sex is off the table for me in the future with a new man until it has been verified to be a FVCK YES on both sides, and I am their ONLY FVCK YES.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> . Five dates...*that is a lot of blowing my hair out and getting ready, etc*. Hahaha. I would never go out with someone that much if I didn't like them.


OMG totally right there...


----------



## jpr

This talk about sending/not sending "Good Morning" texts..

It is funny....because just the other day, I was thinking to myself about how nice it is to not have to worry about whether or not I was the one who initiated contact or not. If I want to send a "I am thinking about you"-text, I will....and not think twice about it.

...and my boyfriend does the same thing.

I can't stand those games---where you monitor who initiated conversation first, or where you monitor how long it takes your partner to respond to a text. 

I am pretty secure in my relationship at this point. It is so nice to be at a place where I am confident about how my partner feels about me, and where I feel secure enough to express how I feel about him.

It just feels so much more natural now--and less contrived than how things are in the early stage of a growing relationship.

If I am thinking about my boyfriend and want to let him know that I love him, I will tell him. ...and he does the same for me.

Life is too short to hold back how you feel about someone. If anything I learned in my failed marriage...it is not good to guard your heart too much. There comes a point in time where those guards (and those games) need to stop. 

Of course, early in a relationship, it might seem crazy and like you are coming on strong. I was super guarded for the first few months of dating him. I think we both were. 

...but, now. Man oh man. I love my hat so much....and he loves me. And we let each other know that consistently. 

I never want that to stop.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Interesting... in the one ltr post D i had it was the same he almost always initiated every morning... I also have been going about it more this way as well, letting the man contact for the most part...
> 
> so it really does something for you?



Yeah l prefer that too . The only one l've hooked up with so for always waited , just in the first few mths l mean, l really liked that about her.
Yet when we did talk it was obvious she'd been thinking about me and missing me.
l dunno , there's just something off about a girl coming on too strong too early to me .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Who knew "Good morning" could mean bunny boiler?
> 
> 
> 
> I know men like to be hunters... But imagine that would get old after awhile. For me, I like it to be equal in a relationship/dating. If one partner is doing all the pursuing/initiating all the time... it eventually starts to feel one-sided.
> 
> When you say the "two who stood out"--do you mean the two you liked the most?



It's only a more at the start thing JB . Like for me if we started seeing each other and things were going to obviously take of with us or are , l just like a mth or two leeway to start.
There's also a bit of a thing where if she was buggin ya too much too early too , she'd probably turn into some in your face, on your case 24/7 thing later too , or somem like that


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> As I said, it depends entirely on the circumstances behind the situation... Being a perpetual bachelor by itself doesn't necessarily mean anything.


Although personally , l wouldn't give them much chance in something long lasting myself .
Like my brother , his finally thinking of marrying this girl , his late 40's . He's all over the place though , l'd give it buckleys and none myself it's only gonna last a few yrs.
He's never been married, just in his own la la land his whole life it's a totally different world.


----------



## ne9907

I feel all of you are my peeps, as such here we go
1. I am feeling attraction towards women, it turns me on to think of being with a woman.

2. I am scared at the moment because of a new job opportunity which will take me 2 hours away from my current location and away from my family. 
This also means I will finally have my own place BUT I will have to buy all sort of furnishing as I have none. I need EVERYTHING from a microwave to a bed. I am scared, I do not want to buy anything at all. I am afraid to accumulate materials things because in my mind, I would have to leave every material thing again. (like I left everything ex and I accumulated over our 15 years together).

I need to put on my big girls pants...

Any of you experienced this?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Who?





3Xnocharm said:


> And thats a BAD THING??


The new Match girl... even with my long bouts of not being able to talk to her because I am really busy she is still digging me and it seems to be getting more! 
No it's not a bad thing, actual very unexpected! We were texting back and forth last night and decided we should meet up to run/jog and I could show her the area. We are both training for runs, or are suppose to be anyway lol. I have a leprechaun chase 10K in Iowa in the middle of March and she has a Color run 5K in May.


----------



## whitehawk

l spose that sounds a bit single minded but l've known quite a few never been married guys . Especially when l was married , they couldn't even comprehend how l lived as compared to how they lived , it was in everything they'd say all the time.
l'd often be scratching my head in an - if only they had any idea sense


----------



## whitehawk

What do you think of women that have never been married chances ?
l've seen a few on date sites , not even any kids .

l sorta think either 1, they will really appreciate it and make it work no matter what .
Or 2 , like guys l've known , it's been too long and they'd never hack it !


----------



## 06Daddio08

whitehawk said:


> What do you think of women that have never been married chances ?
> l've seen a few on date sites , not even any kids .
> 
> l sorta think either 1, they will really appreciate it and make it work no matter what .
> Or 2 , like guys l've known , it's been too long and they'd never hack it !


As Pbar has stated about the whole "Guys Over 40", there are simply far too many variables at play. It all depends on that individual and "why" they are in the position they're in.

I can say however, that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to date any woman who "doesn't want kids" unless they're physically unable to have kids. That door, even if it's closed is something I simply will not have tossed open on me in the future.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> As Pbar has stated about the whole "Guys Over 40", there are simply far too many variables at play. It all depends on that individual and "why" they are in the position they're in.
> 
> I can say however, that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to date any woman who "doesn't want kids" unless they're physically unable to have kids. That door, even if it's closed is something I simply will not have tossed open on me in the future.


Well I don't want kids and I'm not lying about it, thats for sure. If it was that easy to get steralized I would, but I don't think I can get it done without having a child first. There are alot of doctors that won't do it unless there is a serious health problem that could come from child birth. Plus its extremely invasive surgery - well unless technology has come a long way in that regard with small incisions vs a huge gash across the abdomen.

So you may be limiting your dating pool quite a bit if you don't want to date women who want kids or who don't want kids! Lol


----------



## Another Planet

I'm done having babies. I have 2 babies mommas as it is which is 1 to many in my opinion. 
I sure as hell am not adding a 3rd! Screw that shiat!!! 0_o


----------



## 06Daddio08

I had mine done with a laser ... the guy had a flat screen mounted on the ceiling and the Home Improvement episode where they talked about Tim getting a vasectomy was playing.

I swear, the doctor was mouthing the script while creating the glorious smell of burning flesh.


----------



## COGypsy

Can I just tell you how excited I am to be getting my last IUD next month? Pretty sure that will be 5 years in and then straight to HRT. I haven't ever been able to convince a doc to do a tubal, but talked them around to an IUD eventually. I've had them for 10 years now, so've managed to spend the majority of my child-bearing years blissfully child and period free! 

God bless modern medicine!

Still won't date a guy that hasn't been clipped though--while the IUD is about as effective as a tubal, I'm not willing to be the statistic that ends up pregnant in spite of it all.


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Well I don't want kids and I'm not lying about it, thats for sure. If it was that easy to get steralized I would, but I don't think I can get it done without having a child first. There are alot of doctors that won't do it unless there is a serious health problem that could come from child birth. Plus its extremely invasive surgery - well unless technology has come a long way in that regard with small incisions vs a huge gash across the abdomen.
> 
> So you may be limiting your dating pool quite a bit if you don't want to date women who want kids or who don't want kids! Lol


Ablation!! :ezpi_wink1:
Uterine Ablation - Endometrial Ablation - Healthgrades.com
Not as invasive as it sounds, most don't even require it done in the hospital. 
Best part is, it makes that monthly pain in the ass visitor almost non-existent and in most cases, gone forever! :bounce:

Now I had it done the old fashioned way since I was cut open anyway, having my daughter. Sometimes it makes me sad knowing I will never be pregnant again...


----------



## lisab0105

COGypsy said:


> Can I just tell you how excited I am to be getting my last IUD next month? Pretty sure that will be 5 years in and then straight to HRT. I haven't ever been able to convince a doc to do a tubal, but talked them around to an IUD eventually. I've had them for 10 years now, so've managed to spend the majority of my child-bearing years blissfully child and period free!
> 
> God bless modern medicine!
> 
> Still won't date a guy that hasn't been clipped though--while the IUD is about as effective as a tubal, I'm not willing to be the statistic that ends up pregnant in spite of it all.


Don't blame you. Both of my kids are here despite the heavy dose of depo!


----------



## whitehawk

Surprised how many there is out there that've never been married.

l love kids , l always wanted more. l'd love to hook up with someone that still had young kids . Not to be their dad replacement although if something had happened to him l'd happily take them on.
But l just love having kids around the house, life .
My ex had a really hard time through my d's birth , couldn't blame her one bit for not wanting to go back for seconds. l always wanted at least a few though.

Although our little threesome family was much less family in your face 24/7 type thing than any friends that had more.
l did use to like that .
We were still much more a couple than them . Their lives were just none stop kids stuff from dawn till 11 or 12 night after night day after day.

For us it was more like there was the 3 of us and we all just gelled through the house nicely .


----------



## Dollystanford

Vasectomy - dealbreaker 

My baby is 18 this year - I'm DONE
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Ablation!! :ezpi_wink1:
> Uterine Ablation - Endometrial Ablation - Healthgrades.com
> Not as invasive as it sounds, most don't even require it done in the hospital.
> Best part is, it makes that monthly pain in the ass visitor almost non-existent and in most cases, gone forever! :bounce:
> 
> Now I had it done the old fashioned way since I was cut open anyway, having my daughter. Sometimes it makes me sad knowing I will never be pregnant again...


Thank you for this. I'm going to look into it.


----------



## Ikaika

When I was in my 20s I actually begged a doctor to give me a V. I wasn't sure I would know how to be a father given my upbringing (my father being psychologically abusive). I wanted to end the cycle 

Now that I have two sons, I would not trade that for the world. My sister never had children, and I respected her decision. I respect anyone's decision for not wanting to have children. It is the most important thing you can do in life, be a parent. You have to go into this life with your eyes (extremely) wide open, expecting the unexpected. 

Though I take my role as parent serious (more so than my career), I feel so inadequate; stumbling along and wondering sometimes if I am doing right by my sons. I wish I would have had better training.  I just know I will not be my father.


----------



## lisab0105

drerio said:


> When I was in my 20s I actually begged a doctor to give me a V. I wasn't sure I would know how to be a father given my upbringing (my father being psychologically abusive). I wanted to end the cycle
> 
> Now that I have two sons, I would not trade that for the world. My sister never had children, and I respected her decision. I respect anyone's decision for not wanting to have children. It is the most important thing you can do in life, be a parent. You have to go into this life with your eyes (extremely) wide open, expecting the unexpected.
> 
> Though I take my role as parent serious (more so than my career), I feel so inadequate; stumbling along and wondering sometimes if I am doing right by my sons. I wish I would have had better training.  I just know I will not be my father.


I stress about that everyday...I guess I won't know until they are older. If they grow up to be nice people (and they frackin better be), I will consider it a job well done.


----------



## Another Planet

I have 3 kids. I have a 15yr old son, an 8yr old son, and a 6yr old daughter. With 2 different women, that is enough for me...although I wanted like 12-14 kids but with 1 woman it just didn't work out. Now I am putting my focus on their future and mine so it's ok.


----------



## whitehawk

drerio said:


> When I was in my 20s I actually begged a doctor to give me a V. I wasn't sure I would know how to be a father given my upbringing (my father being psychologically abusive). I wanted to end the cycle
> 
> Now that I have two sons, I would not trade that for the world. My sister never had children, and I respected her decision. I respect anyone's decision for not wanting to have children. It is the most important thing you can do in life, be a parent. You have to go into this life with your eyes (extremely) wide open, expecting the unexpected.
> 
> Though I take my role as parent serious (more so than my career), I feel so inadequate; stumbling along and wondering sometimes if I am doing right by my sons. I wish I would have had better training.  I just know I will not be my father.



l was a pretty cruisey dad when we were all still together. l figured l'm only gonna get it 1/2 right anyway , not really a biggie over all as long as l get the big stuff somewhere close l'll be happy.
But now we've spit l'm always mentally in a bit of a panic , how the fk do l do it like this.
l'm always worried sick l can't get the time to be the dad l wanted to be , will she forget me or not need me anymore. How can we be natural how we were before when a wkend now becomes our time , our life together but all jammed into 2 days . 
l mean we have still a really cool relationship around each other once the dust from this garbage has settled a bit, as we use to before , but in my head l'm always worried . What's gonna happen next. What if ex does this or that , what if d can't handle this bs life , you name it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

While it's gotten a lot better, the day my kids have to leave and the following couple of days are always a bit rough. Dislike having to pack their things and then I revisit how things went while they were here.

I'm a lot like my father and while I wasn't his biggest fan growing up because of various reasons, I grew nothing but respect for him once I started going through life on my own.

Sh!t gets real pretty fast and some kids don't appreciate those hard lessons handed out, but they surely don't forget them either.


----------



## Another Planet

Well then that progressed nicely...we have a couple dates set up starting with coffee then if we get along I get to show her my little town and then we both have bdays coming up...weird how that click just happens


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Well then that progressed nicely...we have a couple dates set up starting with coffee then if we get along I get to show her my little town and then we both have bdays coming up...weird how that click just happens



Haha, so much for enjoying your space and you time, you lasted a wk, pathetic :rofl:
And l'm so fkg jealous


----------



## bravenewworld

Random question: Has anyone else here tried Tinder? 

It's kind of (dare I say) fun!


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Vasectomy - dealbreaker
> 
> My baby is 18 this year - I'm DONE
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You mean you don't want to completely wreck your body again - I mean have a little bundle of joy?


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Haha, so much for enjoying your space and you time, you lasted a wk, pathetic :rofl:
> And l'm so fkg jealous


Lol hey nothing is going on yet.....
I guess your right it hasn't even been a week since I've said that 
For the record I've been talking to her since before Xmas and we just now discussed dates so there 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Tgif!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Aahahahahahahahahahahahaha... what a fking night!
SCORE! BOOM!


----------



## 06Daddio08

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAhCpAS2AwA&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Lol hey nothing is going on yet.....
> I guess your right it hasn't even been a week since I've said that
> For the record I've been talking to her since before Xmas and we just now discussed dates so there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



But hey , l'm still jealous .


----------



## Another Planet

06daddio08 said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mahcpas2awa&feature=youtube_gdata_player


lol :d


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jelly. Have you invented a quick travel machine yet?


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm working on it for you guys! It's got to be have time-traveling and transatlantic capabilities.

REALLY funny post about Facebook ... Facebook Notifications that SHOULD exist:

The fifth one is my FAVORITE! 

8 Brutally Honest Facebook Notifications That Need to Exist Now



bravenewworld said:


> Random question: Has anyone else here tried Tinder?


Nope. I'm not into casual sex so that thing isn't really my bag. If you use it, please use protection (and meet at a public place first). 

*And, ahem*, I want some more male opinions on this. D2H, bless his heart, was the only one who answered. Come on TAM Manly Men!



Jellybeans said:


> I did meet a guy out and we were like va-va-voom staring at eachother, he kept looking over at me and it was making me smile (we were eyeball flirting, don't act like you have never done this cause I won't believe it).  So sexy. Turns out we were both connected online to the event, which I found out later when I went back to post up info on the event, so seeing him on there, I messaged him a brief hello, saying I'd seen him at event and he immediately sent me a flirt message back and told me he wanted to take me out to dinner. Well he did and took me to some fancy place, and I felt like I liked him and we went on some five (so like five or six dates) and then... just as I was getting all hot and heavy with him and was sure we were about to kick it to the next level, after our last date...he pulled a Houdini on me. Fvck. Riddle me that. I really was thinking he was into me because why keep going on dates with me? I generally won't go out with a dude that many times if I am not feeling him. Ever.
> 
> And yes, men, I want your opinion, Daddio that means you and all the other studly studs of this thread.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Jelly,

He was probably already in a relationship with someone else. Maybe even (gasp!) married.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sorry Jels, I didn't see that post. He's had no communication after 6 dates?


----------



## Ikaika

First of all Jelly, I'm not studly stud I'm more like puddly dud :rofl:

Help me out here, so what were the other four or five dates? And, without too much detail, what was the gist of your date conversations? I ask because he may have been assuming the progression of the relationship different than your interpretation. Let me explain, not all men can fish for big game fish (the big prize catch) because it takes a great deal more patience.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> D2H, bless his heart, was the only one who answered.


Yes, well, I have so many [email protected] opinions.......they just flow out sometimes.


----------



## Awakening2012

Jellybeans said:


> I like a healthy balance in dating but will say I do like for a dude to usually ask me out FIRST,t hen after that all the contact can be eithe rperson.
> 
> Story time: I did meet a guy out and we were like va-va-voom staring at eachother, he kept looking over at me and it was making me smile (we were eyeball flirting, don't act like you have never done this cause I won't believe it).  So sexy. Turns out we were both connected online to the event, which I found out later when I went back to post up info on the event, so seeing him on there, I messaged him a brief hello, saying I'd seen him at event and he immediately sent me a flirt message back and told me he wanted to take me out to dinner. Well he did and took me to some fancy place, and I felt like I liked him and we went on some five (so like five or six dates) and then... just as I was getting all hot and heavy with him and was sure we were about to kick it to the next level, after our last date...he pulled a Houdini on me. Fvck. Riddle me that. I really was thinking he was into me because why keep going on dates with me? I generally won't go out with a dude that many times if I am not feeling him. Ever.
> 
> And yes, men, I want your opinion, Daddio that means you and all the other studly studs of this thread.


There is no figuring with the fade-away guys, just chalk them up as practice and pass the butter (next!). It is great that you did not have sex with him which might have made his pulling away more hurtful, because (many) women tend to bond romantically through sex. For myself, I do not want to be romantically bonded to someone who is not sure of mutual desire for a commitment of exclusivity and continuity. Consider you probably dodged a bullet -- "rejection is protection" as they say. It sounds like you are doing so great with moving on and getting your life to a happier place -- good for you!

Cheers, - A12


----------



## unsure78

got a cold...boooooooo


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I'm working on it for you guys! It's got to be have time-traveling and transatlantic capabilities.
> 
> REALLY funny post about Facebook ... Facebook Notifications that SHOULD exist:
> 
> The fifth one is my FAVORITE!
> 
> 8 Brutally Honest Facebook Notifications That Need to Exist Now
> 
> 
> 
> Nope. I'm not into casual sex so that thing isn't really my bag. If you use it, please use protection (and meet at a public place first).
> 
> *And, ahem*, I want some more male opinions on this. D2H, bless his heart, was the only one who answered. Come on TAM Manly Men!


Sorry I missed it also. 
I would have to guess either he had something going on with someone else or he thought it wasn't ever moving forward so he got tired of trying. 6 dates and no action? That is pushing it, I don't know any guys that like being led on. 
It always seems like ladies don't get the investment men put into the start of a relationship. Time, effort, money...that could be put toward someone that seems to be a better choice. He didn't see a future in you and decided to cut his loses.....

But I am just making assumptions because I don't know all the details. Maybe his Mom died or something and you will hear from him in a couple months?


----------



## Lon

Jelly, no guy on here can tell you with certainty what that guy was thinking, but the first obvious guesses would be 1) he is attached already 2) he was expecting intercourse by now 3) the spark went out for him due to whatever things it is in life that cause sparks to go out.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> got a cold...boooooooo


Ugh, ME TOO!


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Jelly, no guy on here can tell you with certainty what that guy was thinking, but the first obvious guesses would be 1) he is attached already 2) he was expecting intercourse by now 3) the spark went out for him due to whatever things it is in life that cause sparks to go out.


Lon you using the word "intercourse" made me chuckle...

I prefer the Doins..... or sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Lon you using the word "intercourse" made me chuckle...
> 
> I prefer the Doins..... or sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


:lol:

I agree, makes me think of Sheldon Cooper and "COITUS", LOL!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Lon you using the word "intercourse" made me chuckle...
> 
> I prefer the Doins..... or sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


When JB said things were hot and heavy I presumed 2nd or 3rd base, which many people define as sex. I also coulda used the term home plate.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Jelly. Have you invented a quick travel machine yet?


I think it's called Delta 

haha...I kill me :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

ThreeStrikes said:


> He was probably already in a relationship with someone else. Maybe even (gasp!) married.


I did ask him if he was married, he said no. I searched and could not find signs of a wife at his house. LOL. I do wonder if there was maybe someone else in the picture but he said there wasn't...

There WAS action...just not penetrative sex. But we did fool around and it was lovely. I really wanted to sleep with him on the next date since my engine was running and well...he's been out of touch. So please don't think I was blue-balling him.  It's just I like to build up a little rapport before I sleep with someone and I felt like we were definitely doing that so it was getting me all hot. 

I just don't understand why he'd go out with me that many times, five dates, if he wasn't interested. 



drerio said:


> First of all Jelly, I'm not studly stud I'm more like puddly dud :rofl:


You're funny, drerio.



drerio said:


> *I ask because he may have been assuming the progression of the relationship different than your interpretation. Let me explain, not all men can fish for big game fish (the big prize catch) because it takes a great deal more patience*.


Please expand.



Awakening2012 said:


> C It sounds like you are doing so great with moving on and getting your life to a happier place -- good for you!


I agree. The fact that I have even been on dates means I am healing post-divorce. 

3x and Unsure: I hope you ladies feel better. Drink OJ and some Airborne.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Lon you using the word "intercourse" made me chuckle...
> 
> I prefer the Doins..... or sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



I lost count of how many x's there are, Unsure -- is there a requisite number? Does a higher number of x's indicate sexier sexy sex?


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> I lost count of how many x's there are, Unsure -- is there a requisite number? Does a higher number of x's indicate sexier sexy sex?


im all hopped up on cold medicine again today so im being silly...lol 

rescheduled tonight's date... due to my sickness.. sunday date still on

date tonight with my bed and my pups...


----------



## Hermes

Agree with Lon. I think he was probably seeing multiple girls at the same time and a different girl went farther.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> There WAS action...just not penetrative sex. But we did fool around and it was lovely. I really wanted to sleep with him on the next date since *my engine was running and well*...he's been out of touch. So please don't think I was blue-balling him.  *It's just I like to build up a little rapport before I sleep with someone and I felt like we were definitely doing that so it was getting me all hot. [/B
> 
> 
> 
> Please expand.
> 
> 
> *


*

So this explain somethings. I think his engine was running dates before your engine. I don't think you were doing anything wrong he just was impatient and read that to mean, she wants to wait longer than I willing to for some hana pa'a (interpretation, sexxxxxxxxxxxx )

I see nothing wrong with you contacting him and talking about where you are and why it is important for you to take time to build up that rapport. If he really is a man, he will appreciate your honesty, move on your time to land the real prize 

Just my opinion.*


----------



## Jellybeans

Believe me. I want to land the prize so I can have the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx that Unsure talks about. Lol. 

I want my own FVCK YES story for this thread. Dammit!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Believe me. I want to land the prize so I can have the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx that Unsure talks about. Lol.
> 
> I want my own FVCK YES story for this thread. Dammit!


I think unsure wants the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx she talks about....:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Believe me. I want to land the prize so I can have the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx that Unsure talks about. Lol.
> 
> I want my own FVCK YES story for this thread. Dammit!


Hey im currently not getting any either.... sa was a big disappointment, i expected more from a fit one

currently on the potential docket are: dudehat, engineer- but not sure if their will be an attraction and calihat, manager at a medical facility, actually looks a bit like my exh..


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I think unsure wants the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx she talks about....:smthumbup:


YES I DO... killer gave it to me, right out of the gate... I still think about how good he was... too bad he was a complete dog... if he had just been honest i would have kept that one around for years for any in between time i had.... he was AMAZING


----------



## Jellybeans

Why was Killer a dog? I can't remember what the backstory was with him. Was he married?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Why was Killer a dog? I can't remember what the backstory was with him. Was he married?


He was sexxxxxxxxxing someone else but telling me he was only seeing me... 

I was actually kinda the OW, the one that he was bringing around his friends and house was MUCH younger than me...

Im not the kinda of girl who will settle for being a OW... if he had been honest we could have FWB


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Believe me. I want to land the prize so I can have the sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx that Unsure talks about. Lol.
> 
> I want my own FVCK YES story for this thread. Dammit!



Great thing about Hawaiian TAM doesn't block it, Hana pa'a 

Just contact him, let him know where you are at. Us guys, we don't always get the subtleties. A sledgehammer is what is often needed. 

Uncle D


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> He was sexxxxxxxxxing someone else but telling me he was only seeing me...
> 
> I was actually kinda the OW, the one that he was bringing around his friends and house was MUCH younger than me...
> 
> Im not the kinda of girl who will settle for being a OW... if he had been honest we could have FWB


And THAT, ladies and gents, is the power of doing a woman right. Sex is freaking powerful, but just as powerful the other way if you suck at it.


----------



## Another Planet

Well not to sure it will pan out this time, she started asking questions that could have waited but I understand that us single parents are extra picky...which is why I was cool with taking for ever to even get a date going. 
Hopefully she doesn't care and is understanding...oh well...


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Well not to sure it will pan out this time, she started asking questions that could have waited but I understand that us single parents are extra picky...which is why I was cool with taking for ever to even get a date going.
> Hopefully she doesn't care and is understanding...oh well...


what kinda questions?


----------



## Another Planet

Kids stuff. I am 31 and have a 15yr old son, after people do the math they are usually judgmental. That and that I have 2 baby mammas makes me look bad. Sucks but I expect it now cause I have seen it more often then not.
If they keep asking questions it is usually flips around and they are impressed but they have to keep asking to find out.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Kids stuff. I am 31 and have a 15yr old son, after people do the math they are usually judgmental. That and that I have 2 baby mammas makes me look bad. Sucks but I expect it now cause I have seen it more often then not.
> If they keep asking questions it is usually flips around and they are impressed but they have to keep asking to find out.


Wait it took her that long to ask how old your kids are? You have been talking to her since December right?

How old someones kids are usually comes up in like the first few emails


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I think it's called Delta
> 
> haha...I kill me :rofl:


Hmmmm.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> He was sexxxxxxxxxing someone else but telling me he was only seeing me...
> 
> I was actually kinda the OW, the one that he was bringing around his friends and house was MUCH younger than me...
> 
> Im not the kinda of girl who will settle for being a OW... if he had been honest we could have FWB


Ugh. How annoying.

Yeah, why can't people just be HONEST. It makes things so much easier/better.

I have said it a million times before: I would respect a guy WAY more who told me "Jelly, I am not looking for anything other than the occasional NSA thing" versus a guy who keeps going out with me and not saying what the deal is/being evasive. Because with Guy 1, you know what you are facing and can either go along with it or decide it's not for you. Better to be clear. 



drerio said:


> A sledgehammer is what is often needed.
> 
> Uncle D


Noted, Uncle D! 



Dedicated2Her said:


> And THAT, ladies and gents, is the power of doing a woman right. Sex is freaking powerful


:iagree:

AP--I don't know. I mean if you like her, ask her out. Why keep putting it off? You were saying how you were going to have to ask her out since you were digging her so far so why put it off? I'd be annoyed if some guy kept flirting with me and not doing anything about it. LOL


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Wait it took her that long to ask how old your kids are? You have been talking to her since December right?
> 
> How old someones kids are usually comes up in like the first few emails


No she knew, I think it was more of a "wait a minute" moment to confirm. 



Jellybeans said:


> Ugh. How annoying.
> 
> Yeah, why can't people just be HONEST. It makes things so much easier/better.
> 
> I have said it a million times before: I would respect a guy WAY more who told me "Jelly, I am not looking for anything other than the occasional NSA thing" versus a guy who keeps going out with me and not saying what the deal is/being evasive. Because with Guy 1, you know what you are facing and can either go along with it or decide it's not for you. Better to be clear.
> 
> 
> 
> Noted, Uncle D!
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> AP--I don't know. I mean if you like her, ask her out. Why keep putting it off? You were saying how you were going to have to ask her out since you were digging her so far so why put it off? I'd be annoyed if some guy kept flirting with me and not doing anything about it. LOL


I did, actually just last night. Well we already had plans to go for a jog/run together but we are talking so much I was just like listen so lets go out for coffee or lunch lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sorry Team USA. Love Team Canada.


----------



## vi_bride04

Canadians are born holding hockey sticks and knowing how to ice skate, its just an unfair advantage


----------



## Awakening2012

06Daddio08 said:


> Sorry Team USA. Love Team Canada.


Now cheering for Sweden.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh. How annoying.
> 
> Yeah, why can't people just be HONEST. It makes things so much easier/better.
> 
> I have said it a million times before: I would respect a guy WAY more who told me "Jelly, I am not looking for anything other than the occasional NSA thing" versus a guy who keeps going out with me and not saying what the deal is/being evasive. Because with Guy 1, you know what you are facing and can either go along with it or decide it's not for you. Better to be clear.
> 
> 
> 
> Noted, Uncle D!
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> AP--I don't know. I mean if you like her, ask her out. Why keep putting it off? You were saying how you were going to have to ask her out since you were digging her so far so why put it off? I'd be annoyed if some guy kept flirting with me and not doing anything about it. LOL



Thought of a way of putting it JB.

When you know , you know right , no ifs no buts , you just know. 

lt's when you don't know that things drag out , yes no , yes no. With this you can think of her or go out with her one minute and it's like - ah that's all good she's really nice what was l thinking.
But then the next minute , it's all hazy again.
You start realizing nah , it's a no go and start to hang back.
Then it flips on you again , she does something or says something or you start thinking about different things with her and next minute you like it all again.
But there's that little nagging in your head , holding you back.
And other times you might feel like some company so although your pretty sure it's a no go , you ring anyway - against your better judgement 

These ones never get anywhere , they just keep hopping back and forth in you head until you finally drop the whole thing because deep down you've known it's not for you right through .
l've known friend girls for years that went on like that in my head. l know l confused the hell out of them . We might've even got close one night or a few times but then l'd back off. Could just never go for it.

Sex works the same and the trouble is if you ignore it and go for sex , then you'll start hanging round just for sex but feeling like [email protected] every time. So then you've gotta back out of it again because you know she's not right for you and it just gets even more effed up.
So l try to avoid that if it's an l don't know, or it just starts to triple the head fk and gets even more complicated !

Don't know if this will make sense , it's hard to explain , but l went there so many times, hated it and the guilt of not moving on it for her.
Hold backs , umming and ahs, maybe maybes, 9 times out of 10 it just means she's just not right for you.

The good stuff just takes off , it's like a train , there's none of that crap.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Thought of a way of putting it JB.
> 
> When you know , you know right , no ifs no buts , you just know.
> 
> *Don't know if this will make sense , it's hard to explain , *


Actually, the way you described it makes perfect sense. And resonated with me a lot more than anything esle I read on it. Idk what it is, but tat really spoke to me, in the female part of my brain, as a woman, as a person who feels with emotions (sometimes, don't tell anyone). When I look at it at how you wrote it, I get it.

Thanks for that.


----------



## Ikaika

For Angel 

http://youtu.be/XtEyLKbUTJU


----------



## Nsweet

I decided to skip my workout today. I tweaked my back walking too far trying find this guy's apartment and return his lost dog tag yesterday, which I did today and he was very thankful. I probably was already tender from pullup day and made it worse. 

So long story short, I'm flat on my back and vulnerably.... Dolly, Angel, Unsure, NE, Jelly, 3x, and 2gals, take your shot while you can.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Where would be the sport in that Nsweet?
> 
> Hope you heal soon.


I believe the term is "Hen pecking", as in what happens when the douche bag head rooster gets sick or injured and all the hens peck him to death. - That would be the joke I was going for there. 

I'll be alright. I just need to lay down for a few hours until my back relaxes and then do some stretches until those muscles loosen up. My dad was a licensed massage therapist and he taught me what to do every sore or pulled muscle.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol Nsweet. Your back is out and you're still flirting. You are gonna be a hoot when you're an old man.  That was really nice of you to return their dog.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Lol Nsweet. Your back is out and you're still flirting. You are gonna be a hoot when you're an old man.  That was really nice of you to return their dog.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

He would make a great wing man for a lonely cougar (pointing at me!)


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, I thought you were pretty young?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne, I thought you were pretty young?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will be 37 in June.

My goal is to bed a 23 year old haha!


----------



## Jellybeans

Well unfortunately for Nsweet, he's too old for you. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I will be 37 in June.
> 
> My goal is to bed a 23 year old haha!


That is certainly attainable, a smile and eye contact guarantees you will find some young dude willing to get in your bed!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well unfortunately for Nsweet, he's too old for you. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:
Plus he is a TAMmie so that is definitely a NO, sort of like "Don't **** where you eat" kinda of thing.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Lol Nsweet. Your back is out and you're still flirting. You are gonna be a hoot when you're an old man.  That was really nice of you to return their dog.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I am in the perfect position for "Queening".:rofl:

It was a dog tag. Expensive one too.



2galsmom said:


> We shall wait until you are up, on your feet and pry and then take you by surprise. Whoever heard of hen pecking a willing victim unable to put up a worthy fight?
> 
> Did you return a dog or dog tag?


Yes I did.


----------



## Nsweet

I still look 16 if that helps.

Too old for her!? She's too young for me. Let her get over her cub stage and we'll talk. 

Ladies, there is a waiting list. You will have to talk to Somethingelse, Moxy, DollyStanford, Angelpixie, and TraciIsHere, if you want to jump ahead of the line.


----------



## Dollystanford

Honey, 'waiting list' implies we're waiting for you 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Honey, 'waiting list' implies we're waiting for you
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See it's spunk like that that got you the #3 spot.:smthumbup: 


Oh, and it's not a waiting list or a "to do" list. It's something else completely different, although you are hot and therefore still in my wheelhouse.


----------



## Dollystanford

Number three spot? Please tell me how to get to number four
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Number three spot? Please tell me how to get to number four
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey, you keep up that attitude sweetheart and you're going to make it to number 2 tonight.


----------



## vi_bride04

Uh oh, what's going on in here?? lol


----------



## Dollystanford

NSweet is getting frisky and I'm at an airport with time on my hands. I need to go and take pictures of people in hilarious outfits
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> NSweet is getting frisky and I'm at an airport with time on my hands. I need to go and take pictures of people in hilarious outfits
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Frisky for me is normal.


See if you can get a picture of an Asian cowboy.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm frisky too. This is when it gets hard for me to stay away from guys.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> He would make a great wing man for a lonely cougar (pointing at me!)


I might need to try you out first for myself.


Sorry, I missed this post before and just couldn't resist.


----------



## Dollystanford

It's Vegas, I'm drowning in Asian cowboys
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweetie, it's my birthday today. That should automatically get me something, right? Make it good. I have high standards.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm frisky too. This is when it gets hard for me to stay away from guys.


So what's stopping you? 

It's not like one ONS will make all that much different. It's just a little slip.... You can stop after one right? You're a big girl. You can get your rocks off without falling in love.

How's this for peer pressure?:FIREdevil:


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh I know I can. I have no problems with that. I just want more but I know I'm not ready for that yet so just need to not go there at all.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> It's Vegas, I'm drowning in Asian cowboys
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh really???? 

Ok then, see if you can get a pic of your American twin. A woman who looks almost exactly like you that isn't you. 

No wait, an Elvis impersonator you could actually stand to sleep with... So either young or not too chunky. Go with that!:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Nsweetie, it's my birthday today. That should automatically get me something, right? Make it good. I have high standards.


No way! For real!?

What do you want?


----------



## Dollystanford

I got asked if I was horny by an Elvis on a mobility scooter at 9am on the strip
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh I know I can. I have no problems with that. I just want more but I know I'm not ready for that yet so just need to not go there at all.


I'm in the same position myself. I would like to have sex all night long again, but I don't want a relationship at this time. My dry spell also has me looking really harsh and brooding in real life, and I tend to intimidate people without meaning too.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I got asked if I was horny by an Elvis on a mobility scooter at 9am on the strip
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is just levels beyond sad, yet really really funny.:rofl:

Next up, get hit on by a Michael Jackson impersonator with a walker. 

Or a Lady Gaga little person.


----------



## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> I still look 16 if that helps.





Nsweet said:


> My dry spell also has me looking really harsh and brooding in real life, and I tend to intimidate people without meaning too.


So, like this?


----------



## vi_bride04

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

More like this.


----------



## angelpixie

Johnny Depp's a little shopworn for 16, I think.


----------



## angelpixie

Here's one for you, Vi:

Mind Blowing Flawless Dancing By 3 Men In Heels In Paris | Superstar Magazine


----------



## 06Daddio08

Welp.

For the last couple months I've been trying to get onto the Social Committee at work. During the summer the kids and I took in a couple events and had a great time. I noticed that other employees were helping out and had their children doing things as well; handing out hotdogs and such. I thought it would be great to get the kids involved.

Tonight was the committees annual "celebration" party, they get to rent out a hall and have drinks, play games etc. Sort of a pat on the back night for all the hard work they put in for the year. Turns out the guy that works in my department is one of the original members, he was also the one I started to pester about joining. He got me into tonight as his +1 .. I had a blast.

The weather was balls, pretty much a blizzard so not everyone came but man was it fun. The head of the committee happens to be the right hand lady to the CEO of the company, I think I made a pretty good impression. 

They have a lot of monthly events coming up, volleyball, basketball, family bowling etc. I might not be able to get the kids to all of the events if it's not my week but damn, it will be fun to just get out more. I'm the youngest guy in the group and I get along with a lot of the younger crowd who's more "screw the company", so I'm going to work on getting them out.

I also did Dragon Boat for the first time last year, which is no longer sponsored by the company. So I'm going to preemptively work on getting a team together and see who wants to chip in the cost to getting a boat on the water. Plus do fundraising for Cancer Care.

Never know, maybe I'll find me a hottie doing all of this.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Johnny Depp's a little shopworn for 16, I think.


Well, that's the best I can do. I'm not about to post a pic from Twilight.

Would this be better?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B26asyGKDo


----------



## angelpixie

His eyes are so sad!! Six years of sad eye photos!


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> His eyes are so sad!! Six years of sad eye photos!


I have whole photo albums of me with the same face. Seriously. 

It's like 19 years of mug shots, some smiles in there for about 3 years, and then more mug shots.... Only a little more angry looking.


----------



## Another Planet

Ugh Bear with me here while I'm on my soapbox but she made a quip about my age today, I am 31 she is 33...I'm not young I'm not a baby I'm old I'm 31 not 21 I have 3 kids a failed marriage and I run a successful enterprise...I'm not a kid by any means...I hope to strike this up to her insecurities about her age and what she hasn't been able to do with hr life :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Ugh Bear with me here while I'm on my soapbox but she made a quip about my age today, I am 31 she is 33...I'm not young I'm not a baby I'm old I'm 31 not 21 I have 3 kids a failed marriage and I run a successful enterprise...I'm not a kid by any means...I hope to strike this up to her insecurities about her age and what she hasn't been able to do with hr life :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude, you fell for a sh!t test.


----------



## Another Planet

What's a **** test? I dont think I fell for anything, she made the remark that I'm young and I turned it around and told her that she doesn't even have a teenager yet. And then the conversation moved on, I don't really want to be tested on anything. I suppose she will figure out soon enough if she wants to play any games with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

She commented on you being young and you took exception to it?


----------



## Pbartender

06Daddio08 said:


> She commented on you being young and you took exception to it?


No kidding.

That's not a **** test. That's the truth. You're 31 years old. You've got a lot of years left to live.

You ARE young.

And there's nothing wrong with that.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Welp.
> 
> For the last couple months I've been trying to get onto the Social Committee at work. During the summer the kids and I took in a couple events and had a great time. I noticed that other employees were helping out and had their children doing things as well; handing out hotdogs and such. I thought it would be great to get the kids involved.
> 
> Tonight was the committees annual "celebration" party, they get to rent out a hall and have drinks, play games etc. Sort of a pat on the back night for all the hard work they put in for the year. Turns out the guy that works in my department is one of the original members, he was also the one I started to pester about joining. He got me into tonight as his +1 .. I had a blast.
> 
> The weather was balls, pretty much a blizzard so not everyone came but man was it fun. The head of the committee happens to be the right hand lady to the CEO of the company, I think I made a pretty good impression.
> 
> They have a lot of monthly events coming up, volleyball, basketball, family bowling etc. I might not be able to get the kids to all of the events if it's not my week but damn, it will be fun to just get out more. I'm the youngest guy in the group and I get along with a lot of the younger crowd who's more "screw the company", so I'm going to work on getting them out.
> 
> I also did Dragon Boat for the first time last year, which is no longer sponsored by the company. So I'm going to preemptively work on getting a team together and see who wants to chip in the cost to getting a boat on the water. Plus do fundraising for Cancer Care.
> 
> *Never know, maybe I'll find me a hottie doing all of this. *


:beer::absolut:

haha

They usually come out of the woodwork when you are busy and least expecting it, so I am sure you will have some nippin at your heels in no time :smthumbup: Glad you had fun last night!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> :beer::absolut:
> 
> haha
> 
> They usually come out of the woodwork when you are busy and least expecting it, so I am sure you will have some nippin at your heels in no time :smthumbup: Glad you had fun last night!


That comment was more for the threads peanut gallery, haha. I have a week of holidays at the beginning of April, I hear Delta is still doing flights at that time. 

It was fun, I only knew the one guy and we played goofy games that I was totally into.

The only downside, waking up at 2 am due to food that didn't sit well. (I'm sure the rest can be filled in).


----------



## unsure78

Sniff sniff.... I didnt even make Nsweets list...wtf?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Still sick... may be canceling my date tomorrow but not cause im sick... he sent me some texts yesterday that weirded me out... rules for a first date... like look him in the eye when talking to him, no past relationships talking at this time......yea guys it creeped me out... think I stubmled onto a controler
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Still sick... may be canceling my date tomorrow but not cause im sick... he sent me some texts yesterday that weirded me out... rules for a first date... like look him in the eye when talking to him, no past relationships talking at this time......yea guys it creeped me out... think I stubmled onto a controler
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have fun with it and try out little things to annoy him and see what happens.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Have fun with it and try out little things to annoy him and see what happens.


Hahah you are bad Lon...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

unsure78 said:


> Sniff sniff.... I didnt even make Nsweets list...wtf?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's ok Unsure, you can take my place in the coveted number three slot
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Hahahaha, I like Lon's idea! 

Totally do it, Unsure. ...and report back to us.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Sniff sniff.... I didnt even make Nsweets list...wtf?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You took Nunikit's spot for 6th place. 

Have you ever seen her pics? I don't think any woman could compete with those legs.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Hahahaha, I like Lon's idea!
> 
> Totally do it, Unsure. ...and report back to us.


This guy actually scares me a bit now... and I have dated guys who have much more scarry pasts...im going with my instincts on this one and canceling the date
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> You took Nunikit's spot for 6th place.
> 
> Have you ever seen her pics? I don't think any woman could compete with those legs.


Sixth? Booooooo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

You girls don't understand why people "sh!t test". 

It's not about playing games or testing anyone to see if they meet a certain criteria for dating you. People don't shi!t test to see how you'll respond, they just....do. 

Often enough you'll find yourself getting sh!t tested from someone for no other reason than them being bored and wanting to see if they can irritate you for an IRL trolling session.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> It's ok Unsure, you can take my place in the coveted number three slot
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know you didn't act this way when I was locked in your sex dungeon. 

You were nicer back then.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Sixth? Booooooo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have my reasons for placing you in the 6th slot, big sis.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> I have my reasons for placing you in the 6th slot, big sis.


And the thread just took an incestual tone...

I also find it funny that we are talking about not shat testing just as I was suggesting to Unsure to shat test a guy.


----------



## Dollystanford

Well no one is quite sure what being on this list entails my dear
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Hey! I just realized I didn't make the list.

..but, I think that might be a good thing.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> This guy actually scares me a bit now... and I have dated guys who have much more scarry pasts...im going with my instincts on this one and canceling the date
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't blame you unsure. Those "rules" were a little much. Creepy, IMO. Who requests/requires that stuff for a first date? I mean was he joking?


----------



## Lon




----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't blame you unsure. Those "rules" were a little much. Creepy, IMO. Who requests/requires that stuff for a first date? I mean was he joking?


No he wasnt joking... he did soften it afterward buy changing and saying not rulee but things he prefers. ... it has scared me and that dosent happen often.. imean I was totally cool going out with killer who beat the hell out of people for a living... but statements like that make me think of that abusive husband in that julia roberts movie.. cant think of the name of it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I have my reasons for placing you in the 6th slot, big sis.


Now im your big sis... I thought you were dollys little bro?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Now im your big sis... I thought you were dollys little bro?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dolly doesn't treat me right.


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't pretend you don't love it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> She commented on you being young and you took exception to it?


I am younger then her but I don't have a problem with it. I was concerned with her having a problem with it. I've kind of been waiting for a glimmer of how she views it.



Pbartender said:


> No kidding.
> 
> That's not a **** test. That's the truth. You're 31 years old. You've got a lot of years left to live.
> 
> You ARE young.
> 
> And there's nothing wrong with that.


Yes I am younger then everyone older then me.



2galsmom said:


> Again, the women are not intentionally "testing" any you by playing conscious, organized mind games with outlined agendas, that takes premeditation and effort.
> 
> Another Planet, she obviously does have an insecurity about you being younger. She expressed this. You did not like her insecurity so you did nothing to show you are okay with her age but instead reinforced he inclination to withhold complete trust with anger.
> 
> To me, the fear of being "tested" or doubted is in itself an insecurity.
> 
> You both have them.
> 
> If you think women can read comments over and over again that so many women like younger woman or be told to their faces in some cases and then not to take caution when they are with a younger man, then you are not being realistic.
> 
> There is not a person alive that you are going to find that is not cautious about lessons learned or that is devoid of insecurities. Those women feigning complete confidence, total fearlessness and an abandonment of caution are the ones that take you to crazytown in the long haul, the choice is yours.
> 
> Good grief unsure, good thing you cancelled. See? Caution.


Maybe she doesn't have a problem with my age and it is all me being paranoid about her having a problem. I don't know I haven't talked to her since yesterday, I have been busy.

Here is the conversation after asking me how old my kids were and asking how old I was again, but like I said she already knew it was more of a double checking thing I am pretty sure or I don't know maybe she legitimately doesn't remember our first discussions.....

her-.....31 is still young

me-31 is still young lol thanks I guess. I figure once you hit 30's we are all the same age  Just because you are a few years older then I doesn't make me young 

her-lol yeah a couple years but still younger!

me- ohh you are going to hold my age over my head huh lol?

her- lol naw I'm just messing with ya!

me- bah you don't even have a teenager yet so 

her-  I thank god. I just put a pic of the girls on my FB for tbt and they had just turned 1. Where did my babies go????

.....and then the conversation goes elsewhere.

Age is nothing maturity is much more important, in my opinion anyway.


----------



## Another Planet

I know some women do intentionally play games but then there are other women who just go with the flow, i always got the vibe she like me just goes with the flow. I still don't think she is playing games just letting things mesh the way they are suppose to. 
If it doesn't work it doesn't work.


----------



## angelpixie

APlanet -- This woman can't deal with an age difference of 2 fricking years? Seriously? That should be the first question you ask yourself.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Don't pretend you don't love it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you're going to ride me this hard you could at least pull my hair.


----------



## Nsweet

AP said it himself, this girl was just teasing him a little. 

Try getting turned down by 30 year olds who look down on you thinking you're 16 or 17.


----------



## Another Planet

Did it sound like she meant it that way? That she does have a problem?
Maybe her ex was like 10yrs older or maybe she has a daddy complex?
I don't know? 
Like I said the age thing doesn't bother me at all, I was just concerned that it concerns her. If it is going to be a nagging issue for her then I would rather cut my ties early on then put to much effort into it.


----------



## Nsweet

Sounded more like she was just being a tease and messing with you. 

You fell for it too!


----------



## Lon

AP, it concerns me that it concerns you that it concerns her because from the dialog you posted it doesn't seem that it concerns her so what is there for you to really be concerned about? 😉 does she have nice boobs though?


----------



## jpr

My boyfriend is 3 years younger than me....I admit. I was insecure about that at first. 3 years isn't a lot--but, he also has never been married and never had kids. 

I originally went on a date with him just to have something to do...I didn't think we would actually hit it off--because our life situations are so much different.

For a while, though, as I started to get more and more feelings for him, I started to get scared too--because he is used to living the single, bachelor-with-no-kids life. And I have things like a mortgage, a toddler, and a career. I voiced this insecurity to him, and he said, "Baby. I want to be with you. I am choosing to spend time with you because I like you. You need to get over this age thing." 

...and I did. He was right. He was showing me no reason to be insecure with who I was.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> AP, it concerns me that it concerns you that it concerns her because from the dialog you posted it doesn't seem that it concerns her so what is there for you to really be concerned about? 😉 does she have nice boobs though?


:iagree: 

I don't care about the boobs though. I have nice ones of my own I can play with anytime. haha


----------



## Lon

I think it was only the age of your kids she was concerning.


----------



## Lon

My gf is 360 days older than me and I think it's hot that I'm banging an older woman. Her daughter is 15 years older than my son. Our biggest concern is not getting pregnant.


----------



## Dollystanford

God AP, mountain out of a molehill darling - that conversation sounded pretty innocuous to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

And my hat is a year and three months younger - my very own toyboy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

My bf talks about having kids with me. I would love to try, but I am 37..and have infertility problems. I am a bit insecure about that.

...but then, again, he assures me that we'll deal with whatever life hands us together. So, I am trusting in that....and every time those thought bubbles of insecurity pop into my brain, I pop them with positive thoughts. 

I don't want to sabotage my relationship with my insecurities.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> AP, it concerns me that it concerns you that it concerns her because from the dialog you posted it doesn't seem that it concerns her so what is there for you to really be concerned about? 😉 does she have nice boobs though?


lol well I haven't seen her naked yet...don't worry you guys will be the first to find out!

her- "Who are you messaging we have barely finished? 
me- "the single TAMers, I'm letting them know I just had sex!"
 rofl

No she is slender like me. I have actually never been with someone with "big" boobs.


----------



## angelpixie

Maybe I read the whole thing wrong. It seemed like her bringing it up multiple times meant she was having an issue with it, but maybe not.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> I think it was only the age of your kids she was concerning.


lol that is actually kind of an issue I have with her. Her kids are younger then mine and I have big plans for when my youngest turns of kicking out of the nestable age...
But then I think if I get serious with anyone for long term it would be for a reason and it wouldn't bother me to add a few more years onto my child raising years.


----------



## unsure78

Agree with dolly mountain out of molehill
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> God AP, mountain out of a molehill darling - that conversation sounded pretty innocuous to me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah it hit me last night while I was laying in bed that she might have a problem then it just snowballed from there.....
I'm such dramaqueen sometimes


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> lol that is actually kind of an issue I have with her. Her kids are younger then mine and I have big plans for when my youngest turns of kicking out of the nestable age...
> But then I think if I get serious with anyone for long term it would be for a reason and it wouldn't bother me to add a few more years onto my child raising years.


It's weird how as soon as the realization of child rearing sets in we begin planning our old age for when they leave the nest. My gf and I were talking about how cool it would be to build a nicely designed home in a tree, but by the time it would happen the idea of having to climb up to get into it kiboshed that (so now we are talking hobbit hole).


----------



## Ikaika

My gorgeous bride is 1 year 9 months and 22 days younger than me; the younger woman. Sometimes, I have a hard time keeping up.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Maybe I read the whole thing wrong. It seemed like her bringing it up multiple times meant she was having an issue with it, but maybe not.


Okay. Speaking as someone who grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters, who were all smart asses...

She made a simple statement of fact: "31 is still young."

AP responded by bring up the age difference: "Just because you are a few years older then I doesn't make me young."

That's about the point when a smart ass thinks, "Ooh! A button! Let's push it!" Which she did. And which AP pushed in return.

I seriously doubt she has a problem with two years' age difference. It sounds a lot more like she was trying to engage in a little witty repartee by way of friendly mutual teasing. Witty repartee which, by the way, broke the ice for a possible discussion about your respective kids.

That's a trait and a skill that I, for one, tend to admire in a prospective partner.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm more interested in the way he originally brought this up to us.


----------



## Another Planet

Yes me too, I don't like to be serious all the time. And we do tease back and forth and seem incredibly comfortable with each other...this is pretty common place. I don't know why it struck me the way it did, I'm over it lol 
But it does make for good discussion about relationships


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm more interested in the way he originally brought this up to us.


I won't deny it I did/do have a paranoia about it bothering her, if that's is what you are referring to.
I suppose that would be a definition of an insecurity. Hey no one is perfect.

So I was just thinking about this. So technically me being worried about her being concerned actually means I am the one with the problem. So if I don't worry about it then there would be no problem...unless she does have a problem lol
Ahhh fck it, just going to roll with it.....


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> It's weird how as soon as the realization of child rearing sets in we begin planning our old age for when they leave the nest. My gf and I were talking about how cool it would be to build a nicely designed home in a tree, but by the time it would happen the idea of having to climb up to get into it kiboshed that (so now we are talking hobbit hole).


lol both are neat ideas! And that is funny because I have been collecting pictures and designs of homes that would like to build when my kids move out


----------



## vi_bride04

So what is everyone doing for _themselves_ today on this lovely Saturday?

I'm about to go for a walk since its sunny out. The wind is a little bitter but its still in the 30s. Going to take advantage before a cold snap comes through. Yay SUN!


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> So what is everyone doing for _themselves_ today on this lovely Saturday?
> 
> 
> 
> I'm about to go for a walk since its sunny out. The wind is a little bitter but its still in the 30s. Going to take advantage before a cold snap comes through. Yay SUN!



Sitting here in the waiting room of a local tire specialty shop getting new tires on my chariot.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> So what is everyone doing for _themselves_ today on this lovely Saturday?
> 
> I'm about to go for a walk since its sunny out. The wind is a little bitter but its still in the 30s. Going to take advantage before a cold snap comes through. Yay SUN!


I'm currently doing squats, followed by lunges, hamstring curls, calf raises etc etc etc.


----------



## jpr

I just had some afternoon delight while I son was napping.

I plan to till my garden in this afternoon...and then eat dinner..have a few beers...and have more sex.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I won't deny it I did/do have a paranoia about it bothering her, if that's is what you are referring to.
> I suppose that would be a definition of an insecurity. Hey no one is perfect.
> 
> So I was just thinking about this. So technically me being worried about her being concerned actually means I am the one with the problem. So if I don't worry about it then there would be no problem...unless she does have a problem lol
> Ahhh fck it, just going to roll with it.....


Projection. You project your insecurities onto others. A reason why you get so scatter brained at times.

Essentially. You're creating issues that might not even be present within the person you're interested in and then compounding it on top of your own issues.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So what is everyone doing for _themselves_ today on this lovely Saturday?
> 
> I'm about to go for a walk since its sunny out. The wind is a little bitter but its still in the 30s. Going to take advantage before a cold snap comes through. Yay SUN!


Already drove all over and back again taking care of odds and ends. And a little girls tea party/Bday lol. Now back home and going to make a couple pizzas and frost some cookies with the kids and drink a couple beers and chill the rest of the evening.



jpr said:


> I just had some afternoon delight while I son was napping.
> 
> I plan to till my garden in this afternoon...and then eat dinner..have a few beers...and have more sex.


Till your garden...that must be nice. It is more like chipping the ice off of the driveway here. Stupid Michigan


----------



## unsure78

Got a haircut (wont say how much it cost due to previous thread discussion)...staying home in bed getting over my cold
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> So what is everyone doing for _themselves_ today on this lovely Saturday?
> 
> I'm about to go for a walk since its sunny out. The wind is a little bitter but its still in the 30s. Going to take advantage before a cold snap comes through. Yay SUN!


Made myself a big batch of crepes and a smoothie for late lunch, crisped up some cervalet in a pan drizzled some cheddar on it for a couple then had a couple with berries and maple syrup. Now going to do a few finishing touches at my old place which just went on the market...


----------



## 06Daddio08

I asked this kid I've never seen if he minded me working in with him....

Out of his mouth came this deep, rich, genuine Australian accent "No problem mate.".

I just stood there and stared at him with what I can only describe as a mancrush look.

He then says, "Mate? Do you want to start?"

All I could think of to save face was to say, "Dude, your accent. Didn't expect that". He then laughed at me.

Hilarious.


----------



## vi_bride04

Sounds like everyone is having a great day. I forgot I made a delicious breakfast for myself too, using potatoes from the roast. Mmmmmm.

My walk turned short as the trail turned into a complete sheet of ice half way through, so I turned around. Decided to go buy a set of resistance bands, found a nice set and they were on sale. Now looks like I'm going to grab lunch with a couple friends, one is in from out of town. 

For no plans at all, this is turning into a fun weekend.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Got a haircut (wont say how much it cost due to previous thread discussion)...staying home in bed getting over my cold
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me, too... the part about getting over a cold, not the haircut thing. The first Saturday in nearly two months that I don't have to work and the weather is gorgeous, and I'm sick. Brilliant.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> but statements like that make me think of that abusive husband in that julia roberts movie.. cant think of the name of it


Sleeping with the Enemy. (Great movie, by the way).

I *should* be working on something but I have been procastinating all day. I picked up my mother and took her out to coffee and to talk. Then I went antique shopping and took a lot of photog pics today. Now I am home drinking red wine. 

Three guys have hit me up this weekend, of who I know have been interested me in the past: 1. A guy I would run into at Starbucks who asked me out around a time I was not ready to date. Have not heard from him in months at all and he randomly texted me yesterday. 2. D!ck pic guy asked me what I was doing last night. Did not respond. And 3. Guy friend who loves me asked me how weekend is. 

Funny that. 

I feel ****ed. When I finally liked someone it seems he did not reciprocate. Liking people is so rare for me. 

Unsure--that is so weird that guy ywas giving you rules in 
advance of your date. Super odd.

Another: I think you made a way bigger deal than it wad supposed to be about the age thing. All she told you was that thirty-one was young in response to you telling her your age. 31 is pretty young. Not sure why you thought it was odd or assume she has a problem with a two yr age difference. Go out with her, you may like her.

Nsweet: if Ne is too young for you, then I am definitely too young. Plus it seems you and I are going through a similar phases: we want older lovers. Hehehe. But much older. You are too young for me so we should just trade stories on our oldie dating experiences. Hahaha.



I showed a picture of me and grandpa to my colleague and she said "He looks old. Jelly, he looks like he could be your uncle." :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

2galsmom said:


> Unsure, that guy might as well have stabbed you with the pole of his red flag, as I have posted before. Do not shed one tear about that one.
> 
> I will have to watch the Julia Roberts movie, I suppose I am going to have to break down and pay for Netflix.
> 
> JB, just a suggestion, and that is not a passive aggressive way to get you to do what I want, because I don't want you to do anything, but maybe you want to explore why you like men who do not reciprocate and why you want a much older dude who has rejected you.
> 
> Just sayin'


Oh I agree 2gals... it got my hackles up for sure... ive never been with a controlling guy before, I guess I dont attract that type, but when he said that it set off bells...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

2gals--the older thing is new for me. I generally date in my age range. I just suddenly am for trying new things.

As for reciprocation/non-reciprocation: it's not that. It's just I only very rarely like someone. I am not one of those people who falls in love at the drop of a hat or dates a million people/sleeps with them. So when I do like someone for real, or have feelings, it is a complete anomaly for me. My exH has been my only serious relationship. I dated others before him but it was nothing like he and I had. I would actually prefer to be the way I am versus someone who falls in love very easily with everyone. Plus, it seems everyone can relate to liking someone at least once, who hasn't liked them back. They seem more intriguing versus someone who won't stop chasing you. I appreciate your concern though and words of insight/wisdom. 

And YESSSS, you must absolutely see Sleeping with the Enemy. It is such a good movie! A total classic!


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Okay. Speaking as someone who grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters, who were all smart asses...
> 
> She made a simple statement of fact: "31 is still young."
> 
> AP responded by bring up the age difference: "Just because you are a few years older then I doesn't make me young."
> 
> That's about the point when a smart ass thinks, "Ooh! A button! Let's push it!" Which she did. And which AP pushed in return.
> 
> I seriously doubt she has a problem with two years' age difference. It sounds a lot more like she was trying to engage in a little witty repartee by way of friendly mutual teasing. Witty repartee which, by the way, broke the ice for a possible discussion about your respective kids.
> 
> That's a trait and a skill that I, for one, tend to admire in a prospective partner.



Well, I sincerely hope you find one who has that trait. Judging by how badly I misinterpreted the whole thing, I'm guessing it won't be me. :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Ooo I saw a guy on match today that I swear to god looks like thor ... (thor is the hottest ever).... Hmm debating weather or not to email him.... I thought I was through my hunky man phase and back on to the more nerdy types(that I tend to click with more) but I dont know he looks like thor....

Nevermind guy hasnt been active in weeks....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Yes! Email Thor! Your message may get his attention!


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Ooo I saw a guy on match today that I swear to god looks like thor ... (thor is the hottest ever).... Hmm debating weather or not to email him.... I thought I was through my hunky man phase and back on to the more nerdy types(that I tend to click with more) but I dont know he looks like thor....
> 
> 
> 
> Nevermind guy hasnt been active in weeks....
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Wait so a nerd can't be "hunky"? Sure, it is not your statistical norm. But, I would be willing to guess that using normalized mean values with the typical SD spread and number of US males that we are talking about 3.166 Million males might fit into both categories.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Wait so a nerd can't be "hunky"? Sure, it is not your statistical norm. But, I would be willing to guess that using normalized mean values with the typical SD spread and number of US males that we are talking about 3.166 Million males might fit into both categories.



Haha, well-played, D, well-played. :smthumbup: You should give lessons.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Wait so a nerd can't be "hunky"? Sure, it is not your statistical norm. But, I would be willing to guess that using normalized mean values with the typical SD spread and number of US males that we are talking about 3.166 Million males might fit into both categories.


Haha. All those statistics sound so scholarly! Is all that sweet talk how you won your wife over, Drerio?

I personally, love nerds. Big big fan. I prefer Clark Kent's bumbling dork to Superman (hate his outfit).

And don't get me started on scientists. Me: _"Oh, you want to talk about the gaseous elements in Jupiter?... Let me just grab a bottle of wine..."_


----------



## unsure78

I wish I could find both... but alas finding one of thoes 3 million is difficult. ... even if you are one of the 3 million supermodel looks with wicked smarts like me on the flip side...hahahahahahaahahahahha

Note all this is being said by the woman who is sitting alone this entire weekend with her dogs while the ex has the kid (though partly due to sickness)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. All those statistics sound so scholarly!
> 
> I personally, love nerds. Big big fan. I prefer Clark Kent's bumbling idiot to Superman (hate his outfit).



When one can't explain their data, apply statistics to obfuscate your audience to disguise your own inadequacies. :rofl: what any good scientist is trained to do


----------



## Ikaika

My wife's response to gaseous elements


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> I wish I could find both... but alas finding one of thoes 3 million is difficult. ... *even if you are one of the 3 million supermodel looks with wicked smarts like me*


...and don't forget about your great rack. 



2galsmom said:


> Unsure, that guy might as well have stabbed you with the pole of his red flag, as I have posted before. Do not shed one tear about that one.


Ok how did I gloss this one over. This seriously made me :rofl: 2gals. You are so funny (and right)!



drerio said:


> When one can't explain their data, apply statistics to obfuscate your audience to disguise your own inadequacies. :rofl: what any good scientist is trained to do


I see why Mrs. Drerio married you. Haha. :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Haha, well-played, D, well-played. :smthumbup: You should give lessons.


----------



## unsure78

Oh though drerio I did start talking to a phd marine biologist today...got to ask him what his thesis was on...lol first time I got to use that line in online dating
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Oh though drerio I did start talking to a phd marine biologist today...*got to ask him what his thesis was on*...lol first time I got to use that line in online dating
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope you plan on reading his verbosity, I mean interesting reply. You really want this guy to like you :rofl: Way to a scientist heart, his/her research.


----------



## Ikaika

I hope everyone has a good evening, have to do finish up my "manly" duties around the house (repair back gate to our yard) :rofl: Afterward, date night with my favorite woman, my lovely wife.


----------



## Jellybeans

Have fun, Drerio. Make sure you spritz on some good-smelling cologne!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Took the kids to see The Lego Movie, it was great. Canada v Sweden is at 6 am tomorrow morning, getting the kids up early and heading to a get together to watch the game.

Woop!


----------



## jpr

Ugh. Hockey. Such a disappointment this Olympics.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I'm such dramaqueen sometimes


:iagree:
and we love you for that!!! Don't worry, I would be over analyzing everything too!!!

I make a freaking hurricane out of a glass of water!!!


----------



## bandit.45

I need some advice , mainly from the ladies. 

I have a neighbor who lives across from me who has taken a shine to me, and, well, she is aggressive as hell. I bought her kids some fireworks for New Years because the family is on the poor side, but they are neat kids and I like them, and so somehow she equated that with me liking her. 

Now she is over at my apartment every other day in the evenings wanting to talk to me. We have zero, goose-egg, nada... in common... and I have made it very plain, without getting mean, that I am not looking for a girlfriend, don't need one, don't want one. 

She won't take no for an answer.  

She wants me to come over to her house to eat, and when I don't or I make up an excuse, she still brings me a covered dish the next evening when she sees me get home from work. 

It's freaking me out. What do I do? In many conversations we have had, I have made it plain I am off the market, but she doesn't get it. I'm not attracted to her and I don't want a relationship. 

Maybe I should tell her I'm gay? :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

I am very direct but polite, how about this?

"My dear lady, you do know I am not attracted to you, correct? Although I appreciate your generosity, I do not want you to continue giving me gifts. I bought those fireworks for you children because I like them but you have already repay me thousand fold.
The attention you are giving me makes me uncomfortable. Please stop.


----------



## Nsweet

I agree. Stop taking gifts from her and letting her come over to talk when you don't want to. Play this one just like you would if she was your ex wife and be tough but fair.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Ugh. Hockey. Such a disappointment this Olympics.


That game against Finland today.... ouch.


----------



## lisab0105

bandit.45 said:


> I need some advice , mainly from the ladies.
> 
> I have a neighbor who lives across from me who has taken a shine to me, and, well, she is aggressive as hell. I bought her kids some fireworks for New Years because the family is on the poor side, but they are neat kids and I like them, and so somehow she equated that with me liking her.
> 
> Now she is over at my apartment every other day in the evenings wanting to talk to me. We have zero, goose-egg, nada... in common... and I have made it very plain, without getting mean, that I am not looking for a girlfriend, don't need one, don't want one.
> 
> She won't take no for an answer.
> 
> She wants me to come over to her house to eat, and when I don't or I make up an excuse, she still brings me a covered dish the next evening when she sees me get home from work.
> 
> It's freaking me out. What do I do? In many conversations we have had, I have made it plain I am off the market, but she doesn't get it. I'm not attracted to her and I don't want a relationship.
> 
> Maybe I should tell her I'm gay? :scratchhead:


I don't think what she is doing warrants being harsh in any way...I would simply say "Hey, so I am getting some possible romantic vibes from you and while I think you are very nice, please know I am not interested. I wish you the best and I hope this doesn't make things too awkward, us being neighbors and all." and leave it at that. Anything more and it would make her feel bad, like she did something wrong. She didn't, she was just being overly nice and overly flirtatious.


----------



## jpr

06Daddio08 said:


> That game against Finland today.... ouch.


Well....I will be rooting for you Canadians. I like Toews. He loves his doggie....and he did a calendar promoting adoption of bully breeds in Chicago. 

My boyfriend made me a Blackhawks fan.

... but I can't watch...I am still a bit bitter.


----------



## lisab0105

John Capuano wants the Olympic committee to reimburse him for Tavares getting hurt. He's the Islanders best player (not that that is helping them much right now) and Capuano is beyond pisssssed that he got hurt in Sochi.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> and we love you for that!!! Don't worry, I would be over analyzing everything too!!!
> 
> I make a freaking hurricane out of a glass of water!!!


 Thank you NE, much love for you guys too! 
I so love the single Tam thread, it's the best one out here!!!!!
I understand I can be weird and eccentric sometimes and you guys still put up with me  Gotta say that's pretty awesome!


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> I don't think what she is doing warrants being harsh in any way...I would simply say "Hey, so I am getting some possible romantic vibes from you and while I think you are very nice, please know I am not interested. I wish you the best and I hope this doesn't make things too awkward, us being neighbors and all." and leave it at that. Anything more and it would make her feel bad, like she did something wrong. She didn't, she was just being overly nice and overly flirtatious.


That's a bit too wordy in my opinion. I like where you're going with it, you and NE's response, but it seems like a breakup line you'd hear in a movie from a woman. If he's going to let her down easy it should be very straight to the point and explain everything. 

_"I'm sorry I can't accept anything else from you. I don't have any romantic feelings towards you, and I think it would be best if we went back to just being neighbors."_

It's simple and should get his point across without using any of the trigger words that could give her false hope or make her think she can somehow change his mind. 

Also, read the 180 list again and commit to the plan and some NC for a while. When you put someone who is chasing you into the friend-zone you need to give them time and space to accept it. Otherwise the hopeful will agree to your terms and then immediately turn around show some of the same behaviors. A few might even become vindictive if they feel slighted in an attempt to heal their bruised ego. There is always a possibility you can start over as friends after some time after NC, but that person is going to have to be mature enough to accept your terms and not keep trying to break your boundaries. 

No one else has said it so I will..... BE CAREFUL! You never know who your dealing with until it's too late. If she's crazy and you say the wrong thing to her trying to let her down easy.... She could very well make living next door to her a living hell. When in doubt try to negotiate with her as peacefully as possible and don't get aggressive with her. When you tell her "I'm not interested" listen to what she has to say and spend a few minutes talking to her about her life.

She's bringing over these dishes trying to get her foot in the door, so why not let her accomplish what she set out to do and talk to you while you gently reject her. That way she won't go back home feeling scorned or upset the way she would if you just gave her the talk and then closed the door on her. She might find out after 5 minutes or so that she's wasting her time and you two really don't have anything in common. 

And make sure you thank her for the trouble she went through making the food she brought you. Regardless of her intent behind it, she probably would still really appreciate it. Being a single mother is often a thankless job, especially when you're trying hard to do everything right and only achieving average results.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> John Capuano wants the Olympic committee to reimburse him for Tavares getting hurt. He's the Islanders best player (not that that is helping them much right now) and Capuano is beyond pisssssed that he got hurt in Sochi.


Talk like this did all sorts of things for me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

6 am and a house full of people ready to watch the game, plus the kids! Go Canada Go!


----------



## lisab0105

2galsmom said:


> I would definitely cut the line about romantic vibes. That may cause a huge embarrassment for the woman or indignation to mask it in "I am most certainly NOT sending out romantic vibes."
> 
> Perhaps she is a lonely co-dependent gift giver?
> 
> "Please stop bringing me food. Thank you for what you have brought in the past, but please do not bring me anymore food. Please respect my request."
> 
> Then if she shows a complete lack of respect for you it will be easier for you to end it. She will of course want to know "Why?"
> 
> "Why? Just tell me why? DO you not like my food, what can i cook for you, what kind of food do you want? What did I do? You owe me that!"
> 
> No, you don't.
> 
> Repeat.
> 
> "Thank you for the food you brought, I appreciate the gesture, do not bring any more. I do not feel comfortable and I like my privacy and solitude. Please respect my request."


See and I feel like the second he says uncomfortable or not comfortable she will be more than just a neighbor with hurt feelings...she will actually feel like she did something very wrong. Uncomfortable is a strong word, and a negative one at that. If he keeps it about romantic vibes, at least she knows it is simply about that and not that she crossed a line or something. She will probably deny it, but that's okay because his point is still coming across and she will back off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Yeah, Bandit...

I think everyone gave you good advice--just stop accepting things from her. 

I would have a hard time with that sort of situation, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But, yes, it would be the healthiest thing for you to just tell her that you can't accept anything else from her. You obviously tried to TELL her that you are not interested, so I guess it is now time to SHOW her. 


I am up early...but, I can't bring myself to watch hockey. ...I am pretending to ignore that there is even a game on. I am still too bitter.  ...instead, I am cuddling and watching old school Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with my son.


----------



## Nsweet

TMNT movies or the old cartoon from the 80s?


----------



## jpr

Cartoons.


it is the first season of TMNT. 

My hat bought them for my son. He is teaching my son his colors via TMNT and SourPatchKids.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Cartoons.
> 
> 
> it is the first season of TMNT.
> 
> My hat bought them for my son. He is teaching my son his colors via TMNT and SourPatchKids.


That was a good cartoon, even though the story sometimes didn't make sense. 

The movies were really cool when I was younger, but I watched them recently and now they just creep me out. They have this dark Tim Burton feel and some inside jokes only parents will get. 

Did you know they are coming out with a new TMNT movie this year? They are. I've seen the leaked pics and it's going be badass. Like the turtles look more scary and less like marketing gimmicks for children.


----------



## jpr

Yeah. We have been watching the old movies lately too. My son is obsessed. He goes around the house yelling "Cowabunga!" ...and does karate kicks and screams "Hiiiii-ya!" 

I didn't know that they are making a new movie.

I'll have to look that up. I am sort of getting into the Turtles. I never really watched them when I was a kid. Leonardo is my favorite, I think.


----------



## bandit.45

2galsmom said:


> I would definitely cut the line about romantic vibes. That may cause a huge embarrassment for the woman or indignation to mask it in "I am most certainly NOT sending out romantic vibes."
> 
> Perhaps she is a lonely co-dependent gift giver?
> 
> "Please stop bringing me food. Thank you for what you have brought in the past, but please do not bring me anymore food. Please respect my request."
> 
> Then if she shows a complete lack of respect for you it will be easier for you to end it. She will of course want to know "Why?"
> 
> "Why? Just tell me why? DO you not like my food, what can i cook for you, what kind of food do you want? What did I do? You owe me that!"
> 
> No, you don't.
> 
> Repeat.
> 
> "Thank you for the food you brought, I appreciate the gesture, do not bring any more. I do not feel comfortable and I like my privacy and solitude. Please respect my request."


Thanks for all the suggestions guys....

I think this one is the closest to what I'm wanting to say to her. 

She is a nice gal and good looking, but she's also a single mom of two and seems desperate to find a husband. That's the vibe I get from her. There are plenty of single, better looking guys in this condo complex. Why she zeroed in on me is a mystery. :scratchhead:


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> That was a good cartoon, even though the story sometimes didn't make sense.
> 
> The movies were really cool when I was younger, but I watched them recently and now they just creep me out. They have this dark Tim Burton feel and some inside jokes only parents will get.
> 
> Did you know they are coming out with a new TMNT movie this year? They are. I've seen the leaked pics and it's going be badass. Like the turtles look more scary and less like marketing gimmicks for children.


If you can find them, read the comic books that the cartoon show is based on. Very dark, very grim, kind of togue-in-cheek funny at times. It's a lot closer in tone to Hell Boy, than it is to Scooby Doo.









_Page 1 of TMNT #1 by Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird (1984)_

The cartoon show was a licensing attempt to market TMNT to the Saturday morning cartoon demographic. Since then, the cartoons have been drifting farther and farther from the original comic book material, while the movies have been slowly heading back toward TMNT's original grim and gritty style.


----------



## Nsweet

You know the story behind them? The comic book creator just threw together random ideas that like, teenagers, mutants, ninjas, and small animals. Originally he was thinking bunnies but then he went with turtles. 

They also tried having a girl turtle named Venus, but she pissed off fans so much her likeness was banned from ever being recreated. They tried to put too much girl power in a Saturday morning action cartoon for little boys and lost viewers for a while. 

I don't know if you were paying attention, but the director of Critters and Gremlins hid little clues in the first movie. They show a few posters right as the movie starts. 

Also I think during the 2nd movie they explained that Shredder was responsible for creating the goo that scientists tested on the 4 turtles, and those same turtles were accidentally released into the sewers instead of being destroyed. And in the 3rd movie they kinda hinted at Splinter learning his moves from the same master that taught Shredder. So that's why the turtles and shredder are always equally matched.


----------



## Nsweet

On a side note totally unrelated to TMNT..... I'm stoked for the Emily Strange movie coming out this year. 

I know it's staring that girl from Kickass, and I have seen the cosplay shots with her in the red chair holding a black cat. Very nice cast! 

If you checked it out you probably should before it gets popular. For being a skater shop marketing creation the writers really gave her an weird and interesting story. She's like a little 13yo Wednesday Adams, but with the sarcastic wit of Daria, and the genius of Violette from the Lemony Snickets movie.


----------



## Pbartender

Nsweet said:


> You know the story behind them? The comic book creator just threw together random ideas that like, teenagers, mutants, ninjas, and small animals. Originally he was thinking bunnies but then he went with turtles.


Heh... I've heard, supposedly, they originally created the comic as a slightly snarky parody of Teen Titans (a teenage super-hero group), X-Men (mutants) and Daredevil (ninjas) combined.

There's even a subtle implication in the comic that the chemical spill that transformed Matt Murdoch was the same one that mutated the turtles.


----------



## jpr

Okay....now I am googling the history of TMNT's. 


fascinating.


----------



## 06Daddio08

When the TMNT made an appearance on Power Rangers ... mind blown.


----------



## jpr

06Daddio08 said:


> When the TMNT made an appearance on Power Rangers ... mind blown.


Really? That happened???


whoa.


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Heh... I've heard, supposedly, they originally created the comic as a slightly snarky parody of Teen Titans (a teenage super-hero group), X-Men (mutants) and Daredevil (ninjas) combined.
> 
> There's even a subtle implication in the comic that the chemical spill that transformed Matt Murdoch was the same one that mutated the turtles.


I was so disappointed when they cancelled Teen-Titans, and then brought out that crap fest kiddie cartoon version. I know they are only sidekicks at best and a lot of their villains were spoofs on other characters but it was entertaining. 

I was also a big fan of X-men, but I'll admit I kinda got tired of Jean Grey. She was a cheating wh*re to mess with Cyclops and Wolverine at the same time and her powers were almost useless once they brought out the sentinels. And the way they killed her off was just soo stupid! They would have been much better off writing her out as disbanding the X-men and taking that stupid Jubilee character with her. Then they could work more on Kitty Pride and Rogue to take their spots. Two characters with real useful super powers.


----------



## Pbartender

jpr said:


> Really? That happened???
> 
> 
> whoa.


Yes. It did.

You get to see Venus, the girl Turtle Nsweet was talking about.... And they used the lame-o "Next Mutation" ninja turtles.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks for all the suggestions guys....
> 
> I think this one is the closest to what I'm wanting to say to her.
> 
> She is a nice gal and good looking, but she's also a single mom of two and seems desperate to find a husband. That's the vibe I get from her. There are plenty of single, better looking guys in this condo complex. Why she zeroed in on me is a mystery. :scratchhead:




Hi Bandit.

Met an old guy telling me about this exact scenario a few wks back.
Probably 70ish but very youthful , rode a big road bike , dressed in stuff most 30yr olds would look pretty cool in but it worked. Very nice guy , great stories.

Telling me about a lady across the road doing your exact thing. Usually of an evening but progressed to mornings.
He wasn't interested and it really started peeing him off , he reckons she'd belt on the door really loud.
One morning he was still asleep , he'd tried to politely decline for a few mths now and when she belted on the door he nearly went through the roof.

l said so how did you get rid of her. He reckons that morning was too much so later when he was up and dressed he barged across the road , with the dish she'd left that morning on his porch in hand .
Belted on her door in the same manner she'd been doing for mths .She answered and he reckons , right l've had enough.
l don't want your food , l don't want your fkg eggs and l don't want you coming over belting my fkg door down anymore, is that clear.
She slammed the door in his face and that was the end of that. :smthumbup:

l said can you do it like that - he reckons well nothing else fkg worked so hell yeah l can .

There ya go , all fixed :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> Yes. It did.
> 
> You get to see Venus, the girl Turtle Nsweet was talking about.... And they used the lame-o "Next Mutation" ninja turtles.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I was so disappointed when they cancelled Teen-Titans, and then brought out that crap fest kiddie cartoon version. I know they are only sidekicks at best and a lot of their villains were spoofs on other characters but it was entertaining.
> 
> I was also a big fan of X-men, but I'll admit I kinda got tired of Jean Grey. She was a cheating wh*re to mess with Cyclops and Wolverine at the same time and her powers were almost useless once they brought out the sentinels. And the way they killed her off was just soo stupid! They would have been much better off writing her out as disbanding the X-men and taking that stupid Jubilee character with her. Then they could work more on Kitty Pride and Rogue to take their spots. Two characters with real useful super powers.


Ehh we watch the kiddie version if teen tititans... its amusing. .. and they have this song about pie that gets stuck in your head
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Ehh we watch the kiddie version if teen tititans... its amusing. .. and they have this song about pie that gets stuck in your head
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't say I didn't watch it. I just liked the old version better. 

Me likey the one with the meatballs and Raven's demonic octopus tooth. 

I'm also a big fan of Tara Strongs work: Beetlejuice, 101 Dalmatians, Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, Fairly Odd Parents, Teen Titans... Everything except for My Little Pony. I'm not a Brony.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You know what's pretty good, the new "Amazing Spider-Man" on Netflix. Kids and I love it, it can be hilarious.


----------



## whitehawk

Need some advice here people. So how do l get back to this girl - what do l say for starters ?

Checked in at my date site last night , haven't been in for awhile which is pretty well all l do at the moment just drop in once a wk seems my ph emails up the putt.

Anyway someone l really liked for once has asked if l wanna talk and could she see more pics.

Two things. One , what do l say first up ? This date site stuff , l dunno , every one is so weird on them , wired , paranoid .

The second thing is , l think she might be pretty local and she's a nurse , so is my ex , what if she knows her ?
ls there something l can say straight up like , can we keep this between us - which l know would send any date site chick into a tail spin , but is there something ?

It's just with ex and everything that's happened , l'd just like my private life private right now you know , been a lot of [email protected] .
l'd really like to meet this girl though and don't wanna eff it up .


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Ehh we watch the kiddie version if teen tititans... its amusing. .. and they have this song about pie that gets stuck in your head


I kind of liked that version of the Teen Titans. It had an insidiously catchy theme song.

My favorite episode, I think, is the one where all the other Teen Titans decide to go "Robining", while Robin takes off to go training on a mountain.


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Need some advice here people. So how do l get back to this girl - what do l say for starters ?
> 
> Checked in at my date site last night , haven't been in for awhile which is pretty well all l do at the moment just drop in once a wk seems my ph emails up the putt.
> 
> Anyway someone l really liked for once has asked if l wanna talk and could she see more pics.
> 
> Two things. One , what do l say first up ? This date site stuff , l dunno , every one is so weird on them , wired , paranoid .
> 
> The second thing is , l think she might be pretty local and she's a nurse , so is my ex , what if she knows her ?
> ls there something l can say straight up like , can we keep this between us - which l know would send any date site chick into a tail spin , but is there something ?
> 
> It's just ex , everything that's happened , l'd just like my private,life private right now you know , been a lot of [email protected] .
> l'd really like to meet this girl though and don't wanna eff it up .


You haven't even talk to this girl in real life and already you're paranoid that she's been talking to your ex wife?

Maybe you aren't ready to date yet.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> You haven't even talk to this girl in real life and already you're paranoid that she's been talking to your ex wife?
> 
> Maybe you aren't ready to date yet.


Exactly.


----------



## unsure78

Go teen titans. ...


So whats everyone up to today? Im still have a cold, and will be cancelling date with rules shortly...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Gggggggoooooolllldddd!!


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Go teen titans. ...
> 
> 
> So whats everyone up to today? Im still have a cold, and will be cancelling date with rules shortly...


Today's No-Kids To-Do List:


Coffee
Cleaning
Workout
Dance Lesson
Video Games
Pizza
Beer
Bed


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## unsure78

Nice to do list pbar... mine is bed and bed...


Ooo rules just texted me... [email protected]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

And yes nsweet you will be my slave..hahahhahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

And its been done... bed and bed for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> And yes nsweet you will be my slave..hahahhahah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honey, with lips, legs, breasts, and an ass like yours, I'll be whatever you want me to be.

Except your husband.... I may be horny but I'm not falling for the same trick twice.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Honey, with lips, legs, breasts, and an ass like yours, I'll be whatever you want me to be.
> 
> Except your husband.... I may be horny but I'm not falling for the same trick twice.


Lol... im make a fantastic wife nsweet im a pleaser... Im hot, I make good money, own my own house, polish so I know how to clean, oh and I can cook too.... 

Hey and to beat my exh all you have to do is have a regular job and sexxxxxxx me up good and regularly. ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Lol... im make a fantastic wife nsweet im a pleaser... Im hot, I make good money, own my own house, polish so I know how to clean, oh and I can cook too....
> 
> Hey and to beat my exh all you have to do is have a regular job and sexxxxxxx me up good and regularly. ...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound fantastic. I'll give you that! You got my ex wife beat with the cooking, staying thin and acne free, having no body hair in weird places, the looks department, and not complaining over every little thing or making sex a never ending challenge of negotiation. 

Crap! What if I can only do one of those things. Looking for work right and I am not having much luck. What if I'm bigger than your ex. Will you give me partial credit?:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> You sound fantastic. I'll give you that! You got my ex wife beat with the cooking, staying thin and acne free, having no body hair in weird places, the looks department, and not complaining over every little thing or making sex a never ending challenge of negotiation.
> 
> Crap! What if I can only do one of those things. Looking for work right and I am not having much luck. What if I'm bigger than your ex. Will you give me partial credit?:rofl:


Hahahah... my exh was small and LD... average to big is a requirement on my list now and a normal drive... im sure you beat him in that dept nsweet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Hahahah... my exh was small and LD... average to big is a requirement on my list now and a normal drive... im sure you beat him in that dept nsweet
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh there's no doubt about either one of those. I have to stay active and keep my mind busy to keep from thinking wanting sex all the time. And my side project has kept me large and in charge.


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Hi Bandit.
> 
> Met an old guy telling me about this exact scenario a few wks back.
> Probably 70ish but very youthful , rode a big road bike , dressed in stuff most 30yr olds would look pretty cool in but it worked. Very nice guy , great stories.
> 
> Telling me about a lady across the road doing your exact thing. Usually of an evening but progressed to mornings.
> He wasn't interested and it really started peeing him off , he reckons she'd belt on the door really loud.
> One morning he was still asleep , he'd tried to politely decline for a few mths now and when she belted on the door he nearly went through the roof.
> 
> l said so how did you get rid of her. He reckons that morning was too much so later when he was up and dressed he barged across the road , with the dish she'd left that morning on his porch in hand .
> Belted on her door in the same manner she'd been doing for mths .She answered and he reckons , right l've had enough.
> l don't want your food , l don't want your fkg eggs and l don't want you coming over belting my fkg door down anymore, is that clear.
> She slammed the door in his face and that was the end of that. :smthumbup:
> 
> l said can you do it like that - he reckons well nothing else fkg worked so hell yeah l can .
> 
> There ya go , all fixed :rofl:


That's awesome, and I completely sympathize with his problem. If the nice convo with her deosn't work then I may have to resort to this. Hate to but it may come to it. 

You know, its the story of my life...now that I have decided to stop dating and all that, I get hit on more than ever.


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> Oh there's no doubt about either one of those. I have to stay active and keep my mind busy to keep from thinking wanting sex all the time. And my side project has kept me *large and in charge*.


:scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

Banditoooooooooo hi
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Banditoooooooooo hi
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey sweetie pie!


----------



## Jellybeans

Bandit - the next time she invites you over tell her, "I can't. I have a date tonight with a woman I see a lot of potential with. I am pretty excited." If she keeps bringing food tell her you have started a new diet and it's very strict...so "while I appreciate the food, I am being a slave to this new diet. It'd be best if you didn't bring me anything because I need to stay on the right path."

Thing is, she may not like you at all. She may just be a nice neighbor... But with those responses...you are touching on two things: you are dating other women (not interested) and you don't want her food.

Whitehawk--you are overthinking this. If you like what you see online, send her some pics. She may know your wife. She may not. You have zero way of controlling that. Telling her to "keep it private" is going to send off red flags. If a man I met just told me "let's keep our dealings private" I would think he was probably married or embarrassed of me. If he told me to keep it private because he doesn't want his ex to find out, I would think he is not over his ex and I do not want to go out with him. With that said, I am a pretty private person and like to keep my dealings very quiet in real life. There is always a dance at the beginning to see how someone is... I keep a low profile. With social media guy, I never ever wrote about any of our dates online or anything about him. There is a balance. A man who is too wordy online about the women he deals with is not a man I am generally interested in. But again, this goes back to me wanting to keep my sh!t tight. I am very undercover. Have said it before, but I would make a very good lover (or mistress, if I were into that, which I am not).


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure, have you ever heard from Slow again?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Go teen titans. ...
> 
> 
> So whats everyone up to today? Im still have a cold, and will be cancelling date with rules shortly...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Recovering from an outing with a gf from last night. Man, I drank a lot of beer. Didn't go to bed till 4:30am...zzzzzzzzzzzz 

Been doing so good with my eating habits my stomach feels like sh!t today from the beer and greasy Coney island post drinking snack. Back on track starting today. 

But first, more sleep.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Lol... im make a fantastic wife nsweet im a pleaser... Im hot, I make good money, own my own house, polish so I know how to clean, oh and I can cook too....
> 
> Hey and to beat my exh all you have to do is have a regular job and sexxxxxxx me up good and regularly. ...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The key here is "beat your exh".....

I think you should change that to "good job" and sexxxxx you up good and regularly. See those two combined......are tough. Usually, the good job or "career" comes with stresses. Most men can't find that balance between being an awesome lover and "killing it" career wise. It is a continuous focus in order to be successful.......and it has taken me a solid 3-4 years of therapy/killing it in the gym/ social expansion to find it.

Find that guy, and watch him over time to see if he can sustain it......then, you have a winner.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Unsure, have you ever heard from Slow again?


Nope
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> The key here is "beat your exh".....
> 
> I think you should change that to "good job" and sexxxxx you up good and regularly. See those two combined......are tough. Usually, the good job or "career" comes with stresses. Most men can't find that balance between being an awesome lover and "killing it" career wise. It is a continuous focus in order to be successful.......and it has taken me a solid 3-4 years of therapy/killing it in the gym/ social expansion to find it.
> 
> Find that guy, and watch him over time to see if he can sustain it......then, you have a winner.


I was being somewhat sarcastic D2H... but I really do bring a lot to the table and I expect the same...I certainly dont expect perfection but in not going to scarafice a major problem just to be with someone... which may mean I end up single permanently....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> I was being somewhat sarcastic D2H... but I really do bring a lot to the table and I expect the same...*I certainly dont expect perfection but in not going to scarafice a major problem just to be with someone... which may mean I end up single permanently....*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Word!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I was being somewhat sarcastic D2H... but I really do bring a lot to the table and I expect the same...I certainly dont expect perfection but in not going to scarafice a major problem just to be with someone... which may mean I end up single permanently....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are really some amazing people out there, unsure. Unfortunately, they are few and far between when you get to our stage of life and in our particular circumstances. Life is all about timing and doing the right thing. Treat others how you want to be treated, and, eventually in it's right time for you, you will find someone who is the right match. Be patient.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> There are really some amazing people out there, unsure. Unfortunately, they are few and far between when you get to our stage of life and in our particular circumstances. Life is all about timing and doing the right thing. Treat others how you want to be treated, and, eventually in it's right time for you, you will find someone who is the right match. Be patient.


I wont lie there are times I feel incredibly lonely and miss having someone special in my life... but I am ok just being on my own too, im an introvert so alone time doesn't bother me...I have a fairly full life... someday I will meet an equal..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

:smthumbup:


unsure78 said:


> but I really do bring a lot to the table and I expect the same...I certainly dont expect perfection but in not going to scarafice a major problem just to be with someone.


I hear you and feel the same way. With so many people on the planet, you'd think it'd be easy to find someone... lol

Oh and I think you ran Slow off when you told him you were dating. What a cad that guy was!



Dedicated2Her said:


> TLife is all about timing and doing the right thing. Treat others how you want to be treated


The damn truth!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> im an introvert so alone time doesn't bother me...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL. Well, the introvert part definitely was easily seen. Break out of that shell, girl.


----------



## Another Planet

This thread is so Epic! 
It has 8500 replies and 150,000 views! Which by the way tops the forum rules lol
Some of the most awesome quotes I have ever heard came from this thing rofl


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> LOL. Well, the introvert part definitely was easily seen. Break out of that shell, girl.


I actually do extremely well one on one in particular with men... big groups tend to drain me and im always working on building a bigger gf base... im very picky on women that im friends with... the normal OMG shoes and clothes and candle parties dont go over well with me...im not a girly girl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I wonder how many creepers there are following our crazy ass daily ins and outs? What an unnerving thing to realize 0_o
Maybe someone is writing a book about us, or maybe a movie lol that would be awesome!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


>


It's a hell of a lot less of a risk if you know what you are looking for, have a way of bringing out the best in people, and are content in yourself and in being alone. To me, love really isn't that big of a risk when you have two whole individuals coming together to form one whole relationship. 

In reality what are you risking? We all get hurt in life....whether it be in a relationship or at work or with friends/family. It just happens. If my gf was to call it quits, it would hurt, but I'm fine enjoying life with my friends and all the other things that life has to offer. 

Life is 10 pct was happens to you and 90 pct how you react to it. A gf or wife calling it quits is just another challenge......respond correctly.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I actually do extremely well one on one in particular with men... big groups tend to drain me and im always working on building a bigger gf base... im very picky on women that im friends with... the normal OMG shoes and clothes and candle parties dont go over well with me...im not a girly girl
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Understood. I don't really gravitate to the girly girl crowd as far as a friend base. All my gf's friends and my friends who are girls are the athletes or the brainiacs (she's an engineer and I also got a technical degree in addition to we like the artsy crowd). Well, crap, come to think of it both of us just enjoy maturity and people who are fun.

Problem with one on one in regards to men is that you are investing so much time into one dude. I just looked at it as my time is valuable, therefore, group settings for establishing initial possible relationships as the best course.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Understood. I don't really gravitate to the girly girl crowd as far as a friend base. All my gf's friends and my friends who are girls are the athletes or the brainiacs (she's an engineer and I also got a technical degree in addition to we like the artsy crowd). Well, crap, come to think of it both of us just enjoy maturity and people who are fun.
> 
> Problem with one on one in regards to men is that you are investing so much time into one dude. I just looked at it as my time is valuable, therefore, group settings for establishing initial possible relationships as the best course.


Lol I would prob like your gf... engineers and I almost always mesh well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I wonder how many creepers there are following our crazy ass daily ins and outs? What an unnerving thing to realize 0_o
> Maybe someone is writing a book about us, or maybe a movie lol that would be awesome!


Im sure we are well followed its happened to me more than once when I get someone saying I know your whole story...which I deleted my threads ages ago
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> If my gf was to call it quits, it would hurt, but I'm fine enjoying life with my friends and all the other things that life has to offer.


Yeah that is one of the good lessons that comes from divorce: no matter what happens, you will survive it and come out again on the other side. Divorce teaches you that you (anyone) are resilient.

Teflon and all that.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Im sure we are well followed its happened to me more than once when I get someone saying I know your whole story...which I deleted my threads ages ago
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? Weird... do people not have enough of a life to where they have to stalk a random person on the internet? 
I am sure women get it more then men though just like online dating. Every single women I have talked to mentions how creepy the majority of guys are online. I have personally never received requests for di*k pics although I would lmao if I did. I have had some girls relentlessly try to talk to me but that's it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I have personally never received requests for di*k pics


Oh wow. Do people request those? The last one I got... I didn't even ask for it. I was like, WTF? I don't want to see your wang!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh wow. Do people request those? The last one I got... I didn't even ask for it. I was like, WTF? I don't want to see your wang!


Never mind I have, just forgot about it lol


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Oh wow. Do people request those? The last one I got... I didn't even ask for it. I was like, WTF? I don't want to see your wang!


I've never had a request for one... I did receive a few unsolicited T&A pics.

Wasn't exactly sure what to think of those.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> I've never had a request for one... I did receive a few unsolicited T&A pics.
> 
> Wasn't exactly sure what to think of those*.*


*
*

Uh, "Thank you?"


----------



## ne9907

I bought tickets for Stagecoach | California's Country Music Festival

SO excited! and almost all my favorite people are coming with me!!!


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Uh, "Thank you?"


Perhaps, if the relationship had already progressed to a point where we'd already seen each other nekkid, or were certainly about to... Yeah, that'd be pretty hot.

But...

This was early on in my separation, when I was testing out the waters of online dating. I hadn't gone much past the "Hi, my is Pbar, you're kind of cute" stage, before I'd received any of these photos.

I must say, ladies, if you are just looking to hook up for a one-night stand with a guy who's only interested in sex, then it's a great way to get what you want with the sort of guy you want.

If, however, you are looking for a lasting relationship, then there's a whole list of better ways to break the ice... Any of which will give you far greater odds of meeting a gentleman.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah, I see. Yes, that would be off-putting if you were trying to get to know someone and BAM, their chi-chis and wang are all up in your face. It's like, "So... yeah, what were you saying you do in your spare time?" LOL


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I wont lie there are times I feel incredibly lonely and miss having someone special in my life... but I am ok just being on my own too, im an introvert so alone time doesn't bother me...I have a fairly full life... someday I will meet an equal..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't worry. The right man is out there for you.... He's just f*cking someone else right now.

And introverts are cool people too. I should know, I am one. There is strength in keeping to yourself and being quiet that few people realize. It's one thing to speak your mind all the time and have no one listen, it's quite different when you actually have something interesting to say.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> You haven't even talk to this girl in real life and already you're paranoid that she's been talking to your ex wife?
> 
> Maybe you aren't ready to date yet.



Yeah no just at first l mean , until we actually met , if we met.
What so you know women so well but you don't realize the first thing they do is go and tell all their friends. Date site that means pics , info , crap could be emailed and text to anyone and end up anywhere. l just wanna meet her first , if l met her.
She might even be one of my daughters friends mums and l don't want anything getting back to my d .

You couldn't know how this area works, believe me, think the impossible :rofl: Besides we aren't even d'd yet , gotta watch that too. Especiallly if one of them know me , it'd be everywhere in a day and l hadn't even met her yet.


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah no just at first l mean , until we actually met , if we met.
> What so you know women so well but you don't realize the first thing they do is go and tell all their friends. Date site that means pics , info , crap could be emailed and text to anyone and end up anywhere. l just wanna meet her first , if l met her.
> She might even be one of my daughters friends mums and l don't want anything getting back to my d .
> 
> You couldn't know how this area works, believe me, think the impossible :rofl: Besides we aren't even d'd yet , gotta watch that too. Especiallly if one of them know me , it'd be everywhere in a day and l hadn't even met her yet.


So what if she does talk to your ex? If your ex wife is as crazy as you say then no woman in her right mind is going trust her. You could even downplay the worst of it as your jealous ex lying about you again. 

Even if the worst case scenario happens and your ex wife somehow taints your image to this one woman, there are about a million other women out there you can start over with. You don't have to date women in the same career as your ex. Matter of fact it would be wiser of you not to date another nurse if this worries you. 

I'll just remind you that you don't know this woman, you have never met this woman, and YOU (not her) are making excuses to not date her. You really are screwing yourself by putting everything into meeting this woman and getting too anxious to even go out on a first date. Don't mindf*ck the reasons why it won't work out, just get out there, take the chance, and go meet her.


----------



## ne9907

Match.com has a lot of great articles but they are from another site.

What Is A Rebound Relationship?

New Relationships After Divorce

Dating After Divorce - Rules For Dating After Divorce


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Bandit - the next time she invites you over tell her, "I can't. I have a date tonight with a woman I see a lot of potential with. I am pretty excited." If she keeps bringing food tell her you have started a new diet and it's very strict...so "while I appreciate the food, I am being a slave to this new diet. It'd be best if you didn't bring me anything because I need to stay on the right path."
> 
> Thing is, she may not like you at all. She may just be a nice neighbor... But with those responses...you are touching on two things: you are dating other women (not interested) and you don't want her food.
> 
> Whitehawk--you are overthinking this. If you like what you see online, send her some pics. She may know your wife. She may not. You have zero way of controlling that. Telling her to "keep it private" is going to send off red flags. If a man I met just told me "let's keep our dealings private" I would think he was probably married or embarrassed of me. If he told me to keep it private because he doesn't want his ex to find out, I would think he is not over his ex and I do not want to go out with him. With that said, I am a pretty private person and like to keep my dealings very quiet in real life. There is always a dance at the beginning to see how someone is... I keep a low profile. With social media guy, I never ever wrote about any of our dates online or anything about him. There is a balance. A man who is too wordy online about the women he deals with is not a man I am generally interested in. But again, this goes back to me wanting to keep my sh!t tight. I am very undercover. Have said it before, but I would make a very good lover (or mistress, if I were into that, which I am not).



Thanks JB , now that's more like it.

Yeah maybe l am l know but no it's just at first l mean , l've gotta watch it. lf you knew what this area can be like. l couldn't care less in person but hey the electronic age, think ahead when your not even divorced yet in an area like this, you couldn't imagine. l've gotta be careful of my daughter too. 

Thanks for the tips.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> This thread is so Epic!
> It has 8500 replies and 150,000 views! Which by the way tops the forum rules lol
> Some of the most awesome quotes I have ever heard came from this thing rofl



The Rat created a monster :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I wonder how many creepers there are following our crazy ass daily ins and outs? What an unnerving thing to realize 0_o
> Maybe someone is writing a book about us, or maybe a movie lol that would be awesome!



Yep , and l rest my case when dealing over the internet locally in my area , anything could happen , it's bad enough in person


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> So what if she does talk to your ex? If your ex wife is as crazy as you say then no woman in her right mind is going trust her. You could even downplay the worst of it as your jealous ex lying about you again.
> 
> Even if the worst case scenario happens and your ex wife somehow taints your image to this one woman, there are about a million other women out there you can start over with. You don't have to date women in the same career as your ex. Matter of fact it would be wiser of you not to date another nurse if this worries you.
> 
> I'll just remind you that you don't know this woman, you have never met this woman, and YOU (not her) are making excuses to not date her. You really are screwing yourself by putting everything into meeting this woman and getting too anxious to even go out on a first date. Don't mindf*ck the reasons why it won't work out, just get out there, take the chance, and go meet her.



No it's not so much my ex , l don't really care about that , a bit embarrassing yeah date site and all. It's the district, my d, school , l'm not divorced yet. What if this chicks an air head, looks familiar , hell my profile could end up on one of my d's friends wall , or all over town the mind boggles .
PS , my ex isn't crazy , that was that beach house chick.
Actually ex is one of the most loved and respected people in this whole area, unfortunately


----------



## vi_bride04

So my gf showed me Tinder and how it works. She likes it, but hasn't met anyone off of it yet. Says she is chatting with a few guys though. Looks interesting, although definitely some off the wall stuff. I have already come across a married couple looking for a "drama free single female to enjoy" and a cross dresser putting himself out there  I didn't like those profiles LOL


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> So my gf showed me Tinder and how it works. She likes it, but hasn't met anyone off of it yet. Says she is chatting with a few guys though. Looks interesting, although definitely some off the wall stuff. I have already come across a married couple looking for a "drama free single female to enjoy" and a cross dresser putting himself out there  I didn't like those profiles LOL


It's one of those free/cheap sites isn't it? You really do get what you pay for with online dating.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> It's one of those free/cheap sites isn't it? You really do get what you pay for with online dating.


Its an app only I think. Like snapchat I guess. 

You log in with your FB profile. Set radius of miles you are looking for, it pulls up nearby profiles. Shows how many interests you have in common as well as if there are any shared friends. Pics, short description. You either like or don't like the profile. You can't message anyone unless you like their profile and they like yours back.


----------



## whitehawk

l knew it . l've just realized something , l knew she looked familiar.
Now this will give you an idea of how this area can work right , believe me , it's surreal. l grew up in a big city and l'm still trying to get my head around it.

My d had Shelby sleep over right . They didn't get along thank God because it turned out Shelby's grandfather , owned the property next to us and his the old ass/[email protected] l've had 3 big blues with , we hate each other .
Well Shelby llves over on the beach and there was a sand dune in one of this chicks pics that looked like one over there.
This old prick and that whole family live all over this whole district . They're worth about 20million , everyone hates them/

This chick , looks like Shelby , l knew it , l knew there was something about her. l looked and looked , especially with that sand dune. We've sat up on that thing dozens of times.

l reckon , this chick , is Shelby's mums sister or something . l've seen her mum , everyone hates her too.
This chick looks exactly like her and Shelby , only long blonde hair, the other 2 are short .

Ooow , this is a tricky one :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So my gf showed me Tinder and how it works. She likes it, but hasn't met anyone off of it yet. Says she is chatting with a few guys though. Looks interesting, although definitely some off the wall stuff. I have already come across a married couple looking for a "drama free single female to enjoy" and a cross dresser putting himself out there  I didn't like those profiles LOL


lol thats too funny!



vi_bride04 said:


> Its an app only I think. Like snapchat I guess.
> 
> You log in with your FB profile. Set radius of miles you are looking for, it pulls up nearby profiles. Shows how many interests you have in common as well as if there are any shared friends. Pics, short description. You either like or don't like the profile. You can't message anyone unless you like their profile and they like yours back.


So it's connected to FB? That sounds like it would be something I avoid, I like to keep my FB moderately blocked off from the world.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Its an app only I think. Like snapchat I guess.
> 
> You log in with your FB profile. Set radius of miles you are looking for, it pulls up nearby profiles. Shows how many interests you have in common as well as if there are any shared friends. Pics, short description. You either like or don't like the profile. You can't message anyone unless you like their profile and they like yours back.


So let me get this straight.... You can only connect with someone through facebook- the biggest social media franchise that collects data on everyone for the NSA, you let complete strangers know everything about you in private and on your public FB profile, and you can only connect through clicking "like" - which Facebook has people conditioned to do without much thinking. All of this sounds like a really bad idea!

I don't know about you but I would rather keep my a facebook profile as small and professional as possible, if not completely private, and not have anything linked to a dating site where a scorned lover can contact all my friends and family. Even if it's difficult to do this through Tinder, you can still reverse search email addresses and do this anyways. 

This just seems like something you would want to create a completely different FB profile for using a dummy email address and keep certain information about yourself more private. I would even go as far as to use some free software to keep the app from knowing my IP address when I log in, just like how phreakers and torrenters keep their locations private when illegally downloading, or buying naughty things (silk road anyone?).


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Its an app only I think. Like snapchat I guess.
> 
> You log in with your FB profile. Set radius of miles you are looking for, it pulls up nearby profiles. Shows how many interests you have in common as well as if there are any shared friends. Pics, short description. You either like or don't like the profile. You can't message anyone unless you like their profile and they like yours back.




Wow , this stuff just gives me the creeps.
Can you imagine where the internet will be in 20yrs time.


----------



## whitehawk

Hey , now here's one for you.

l watched a docco that reckon in 50yrs time , we won't be marrying or having sex with humans anymore, it'll be robots- YEP, robots :rofl:

People have been working on them for yrs and they reckon within 20yrs or so , you'll be able to buy your perfect match in a robot .
Within 50 yrs , everyone will have a robot instead of a human.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> So it's connected to FB? That sounds like it would be something I avoid, I like to keep my FB moderately blocked off from the world.


It pulls in some profile data like about me info, first name, friends lists to compare, your likes, profile pic. It does not connect to your FB page or post in any other way. You can edit the pics and description if you want. I have a very closed off FB and limited friends and am comfortable using this app.


----------



## Another Planet

lol from my FB


----------



## Jellybeans

My friend uses Tinder exclusively to find women to fvck. He says it's a hook up app and that it works for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Ok got my sick a$$ out of bed... did some cleaning around the house that was overdue.... tomorrow is work, therapy , rescheduled lunch date
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> So let me get this straight.... You can only connect with someone through facebook- the biggest social media franchise that collects data on everyone for the NSA, you let complete strangers know everything about you in private and on your public FB profile, and you can only connect through clicking "like" - which Facebook has people conditioned to do without much thinking. All of this sounds like a really bad idea!
> 
> I don't know about you but I would rather keep my a facebook profile as small and professional as possible, if not completely private.
> 
> 
> Yeah see that's it , in a nutshell .
> l mean yeah , most of us might never cop and [email protected] right .
> But , even in a big area , your crazy if you don't at least consider stuff like this but in a small area , see how within a few hrs l'm pretty sure l've tracked this chick down to her whole fkg family and my daughter.
> 
> Well that's cool l'd never let that out or cause any crap even if just supposing you met and things went ugly belly up. But, people can be absolute ass/[email protected] , you just never know with anything you put out there.
> 
> Thing is to right , one day my ex's friend came up from town/city , with 20 printed profiles and , copies of their emails and chat , the lot . To girly talk with my ex because she couldn't decide .
> Well , coming from the city , not really a biggie but just imagine where stuff could end up in a small area where everyone knows everyone for miles , kids , school , the lot.
> Lots of [email protected] always going on , you breath and someone 20miles away will hear about it.
> Just sayin , what you point out up there is spot on , we're crazy if we don't watch this stuff.
> 
> FB scares the hel outa me , should see all my daughters friends , the stuff their mums have let them put out there , my God , 12 year olds .


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Yep , and l rest my case when dealing over the internet locally in my area , anything could happen , it's bad enough in person


My divorce papers were signed by both parties and filed in court by the time I started dating and divorce was granted during the time I was seeing the first chick after... But I ended it when she decided to go work for my ex! Anything not only "could" happen but "will" happen.

Edit: I posted before I read all about Shelbyville


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> My divorce papers were signed by both parties and filed in court by the time I started dating and divorce was granted during the time I was seeing the first chick after... But I ended it when she decided to go work for my ex! Anything not only "could" happen but "will" happen.
> 
> Edit: I posted before I read all about Shelbyville



Really, yeah see what l mean. I can say Shelby btw, should be right haha.
My ex is incredible. She could could rob a bank yet somehow walk away smelling like roses.
Me , l don't have that knack l'm afraid, if it can hit the fan l'll be right next to it .


----------



## whitehawk

She looks really nice which can happen even in a family like this if she is one. Sounds really nice to just in the type of stuff she says.

Ha , just imagine , if l wanted to l could print her pic , show one person and they'd know her . Next minute l'd be hearing about her whole life. Hmmm, nah l wouldn't do that .


----------



## whitehawk

So different in person when you just meet somebody isn't it. They have nothing on you and you can keep it that way for awhile. But online , you realize you'll be emailing and wanting to know all sorts of crap before you bother meeting up. 
And it'll all be on paper too , kinda spooky really .


----------



## Pbartender

I received an unexpectedly odd compliment at dance class tonight... One of the instructors told me, "You are the most gentlemanly partner I've ever danced with. It feels like I should be wearing a turn-of-the-century gown, and you should be in a top hat."

This being a swing dance lesson, it struck me as a rather strange compliment so, I asked her what she meant by "gentlemanly"... I guess it was about the way I lead.

She said most guys lead as if they were football coaches... "Hey! Go here! Hey! Do that! SPIN! NOW!"

But that when I lead, it feels more like an invitation than an order... "Excuse me, but would you please step this way for a moment? Oh yes, that's far enough, thank you."

:lol: :smthumbup: :rofl:


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> It pulls in some profile data like about me info, first name, friends lists to compare, your likes, profile pic. It does not connect to your FB page or post in any other way. You can edit the pics and description if you want. I have a very closed off FB and limited friends and am comfortable using this app.


I feel similarly and enjoy using the app. It's kind of an updated version of that website "Hot or Not" from the 90s. Showing my age here! 

Some people are on there strictly for booty calls but not all. Lately I've been messaging with one guy who stated up front he wasn't looking for a ONS and another guy just looking to chat online for a while and see where it leads. Both fine by me, I prefer to take it slow. I think it depends on what time you are looking at the site - if it's around 1-3am expect to get ONS requests. Daytime the boring people like me are out in full force. 

Honestly I've had pretty good luck casually dating/meeting cool people on free sites like OKC and Tinder. Everyone has been really nice and looked like their picture. Maybe I'm just lucky. No love connections but good times with fun people. Can't ask for too much more than that. 

Been meeting peeps IRL too, which is nice. Seems like just chatting people up with no intentions works pretty well. Have a date on Wed I am looking forward to, then in three weeks a vacation to Italy for the rest of the month. 

In the case of Italy I have 0% interest in meeting anyone - well, besides some pasta, wine, and bresaola meeting my face!


----------



## Nsweet

Pbartender said:


> She said most guys lead as if they were football coaches... "Hey! Go here! Hey! Do that! SPIN! NOW!"
> 
> But that when I lead, it feels more like an invitation than an order... "Excuse me, but would you please step this way for a moment? Oh yes, that's far enough, thank you."
> 
> :lol: :smthumbup: :rofl:


Or having sex.... When dance with a partner it's like foreplay. Everything you do is about communicating with them through body language, and meeting each other's movements to shift your weight between you or help move each other. It's actually a lot of hard work if you're new or don't have a very good partner. 

When you get the hang of it it's just like having really great sex with someone you know well enough to communicate with other than words. And all the movements you do to swing away from each other make the final moments you spend together very passionate.


----------



## Another Planet

Just finished a date night.....with my Mom lol
She has been here at my place for a long weekend to see the kids and to tie up some loose ends from my Grandpa passing away a couple years ago. The kids went with their mom this afternoon so it was just us tonight so we watched a couple movies and had dinner lol
Watched Silver linings playbook and This is 40 which this is 40 was that much more funny because of all the vulgar sexual humor... so many face palm moments LOL


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> I received an unexpectedly odd compliment at dance class tonight... One of the instructors told me, "You are the most gentlemanly partner I've ever danced with. It feels like I should be wearing a turn-of-the-century gown, and you should be in a top hat."
> 
> This being a swing dance lesson, it struck me as a rather strange compliment so, I asked her what she meant by "gentlemanly"... I guess it was about the way I lead.
> 
> She said most guys lead as if they were football coaches... "Hey! Go here! Hey! Do that! SPIN! NOW!"
> 
> But that when I lead, it feels more like an invitation than an order... "Excuse me, but would you please step this way for a moment? Oh yes, that's far enough, thank you."
> 
> :lol: :smthumbup: :rofl:



And hey , a smart leader too . A dance club , brilliant. What a great way to meet people , drive before you buy, get a feel for the upholstery and handling :lol:
l might try gymnastics instructing !


----------



## ne9907

Yesterday, while driving down the interstate, I saw a sign that read "Recycle water" so my mind instantly finished that with "drink your own piss"

Bear Grylls would be so proud of me.


----------



## Nsweet

I want to see a survivor with nothing but survivalists. That would be EPIC!:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I want to see a survivor with nothing but survivalists. That would be EPIC!:smthumbup:


That would awesome!!! OMG, you should write CBS and out it out there for them.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Really? Weird... do people not have enough of a life to where they have to stalk a random person on the internet?
> I am sure women get it more then men though just like online dating. Every single women I have talked to mentions how creepy the majority of guys are online. I have personally never received requests for di*k pics although I would lmao if I did. I have had some girls relentlessly try to talk to me but that's it.



You for real , relentlessly try to talk to you.
No ones relentless on mine , or maybe not to me anyway 
One or two have tried say 2 emails but that's understandable your never sure if they got them. l've missed a few.


----------



## whitehawk

l don't know what to do , l could be wrong but what if she is one of that family.

She might even know my ex's om , they'd make a dart board outa me :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> That would awesome!!! OMG, you should write CBS and out it out there for them.


I already one big idea for a reality show, and that's not it. 

My idea is to put a bunch of spoiled 20-something in a homeless shelter, take away all their clothes and give them rags and a bum's appearance, and make the earn their way to the top from doing menial jobs on the street to landing a 9-5 career, pay for everything themselves along the way. 

The winner would be the man or woman with the best job and the most net earnings after 6 months. Of course you would have to have cameras following them everywhere and a panic button that would immediately eliminate them from the game at the first sign of trouble. 

And then you would have to do that thing all reality shows do where you give winners of competitions good food and prizes, but my version would be where the winners get to eat at a buffet and the losers pick through the trash that night.

I call it "Bum Luck", and I'm pretty sure CBS would be on board. So long as we get stupid white kids to cry and complain about not being liked by people they don't even know, there is a show there.:rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> l don't know what to do , l could be wrong but what if she is one of that family.
> 
> She might even know my ex's om , they'd make a dart board outa me :rofl:


You could ask her?

Once I contacted a POF profile of a cool sounding chick but had no pictures of her face or body just one of her hand with an artsy image behind it. She never replied. I saw that image again a few weeks later on Facebook and it turns out she was my ex's bestie during the period my ex was going out of town to slvt it up and have her affairs. From what I can tell she was an utter b!tch and no good affair enabler, kind of embarrassing that I expressed an interest on her profile.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> You could ask her?
> 
> Once I contacted a POF profile of a cool sounding chick but had no pictures of her face or body just one of her hand with an artsy image behind it. She never replied. I saw that image again a few weeks later on Facebook and it turns out she was my ex's bestie during the period my ex was going out of town to slvt it up and have her affairs. From what I can tell she was an utter b!tch and no good affair enabler, kind of embarrassing that I expressed an interest on her profile.



Youch Lon that was a messy one,
And you know what ironic because l set mine so that on 2nd email it shows all my pics and much more info. On first page and email l use a far away pic, could be anyone and and less info , just encase . 
So now she said l'm so looking forward to talking more and seeing your album. And she's putting more in for me too. 

How do l get myself into these things


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well. Back to being a single guy, kids went back last night. First few days are usually a bit rough but this one is proving to be a bit harder. My week long goal, to get through the next 5 days and do up the party on Saturday.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> You for real , relentlessly try to talk to you.
> No ones relentless on mine , or maybe not to me anyway
> One or two have tried say 2 emails but that's understandable your never sure if they got them. l've missed a few.


For real. That was when I first started on match and was learning the ins and outs and probably just wanted some attention. She wanted in to my life and because of my bad boundaries I just let her in. She insisted on my number, FB friend, and was constantly inviting me to her family get togethers etc...she was one of those plan your lives together before you even meet girls. And yes we have never met. 
I deleted her after only a few days from my FB but she has my number...she will text me like 20 times with no response from me before she stops for a week then do it again. She's a sweet girl just obviously crazy...last time I talked to her I told her I met someone so I haven't heard from her since.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Well. Back to being a single guy, kids went back last night. First few days are usually a bit rough but this one is proving to be a bit harder. My week long goal, to get through the next 5 days and do up the party on Saturday.


Whats your schedule? I get my kids in the middle of the week then every other weekend so I get to see them after just a couple days. After my kids got picked up yesterday I was like hmm I already miss them...doesn't help their mom sucks at everything including being a mom :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Just finished a date night.....with my Mom lol


Cute.



bravenewworld said:


> I feel similarly and enjoy using the app. It's kind of an updated version of that website "Hot or Not" from the 90s. Showing my age here!


Haha. I remember that one! Italy sounds sooo nice.



Another Planet said:


> She insisted on my number, FB friend, and was constantly inviting me to her family get togethers etc...she was one of those plan your lives together before you even meet girls. And yes we have never met.
> I deleted her after only a few days from my FB but she has my number...she will text me like 20 times with no response from me before she stops for a week then do it again. She's a sweet girl just obviously crazy


Oh dear stars. She is your version of my Social Media Guy (who by the way, hit me up three more times over the weekend). Did not respond.


----------



## whitehawk

Oh God yeah , l am always down for days after l take d home it's the hardest part of this whole bs. We become so close while she's here , it's the hardest thing l've ever had to do.
But on the other hand ex has it made, Gets the wkend off to go and play , gets her d back sunday night . l hate this garbage .

As a matter of fact we have a helpline here called dads in distress for this exact thing and l've just had to start some counseling with them it's just been getting to me too much.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok so I did some research on other *phone dating apps,* like Tinder and Grindr (that one is for the gays) and found new ones ones that you guys may be interested in:

Skout
Vicinity Match
Smart Dating
Howaboutwe'd
Speed Date
Hinge
At First Sight
Coffee with Bagel
and Bang with Friends, which is exactly what it sounds like. 

Maybe I will give one of these a whirl and report back with a fun story.


----------



## vi_bride04

Happy Masturbation Monday, everyone!

Or Missionary Monday for those of you with sex partners


----------



## unsure78

morning all.... lunch date today


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Happy Masturbation Monday, everyone!


:rofl: you know me so well, Vi! Happy Monday to ya, lady!

Oh guys, I downloaded the Skout app about an hour ago and already 3 guys have messaged me asking how I am. 

Hahahahahaha.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Happy Masturbation Monday, everyone!
> 
> Or *Missionary Monday* for those of you with sex partners



Um, no way. Mystery Monday... I have an app that chooses for us.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Oh guys, I downloaded the Skout app about an hour ago and already 3 guys have messaged me asking how I am.
> 
> Hahahahahaha.


hahahahahahahahahahahaha


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> I actually do extremely well one on one in particular with men... big groups tend to drain me and im always working on building a bigger gf base... im very picky on women that im friends with... the normal OMG shoes and clothes and candle parties dont go over well with me...im not a girly girl
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unsure, we could be introverted besties!! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Unsure, we could be introverted besties!! :smthumbup:


I love me some introverts!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah maybe that's what I need to shoot for, a nice introvert...never been with one before.
Only problem is I am an introvert but I don't like to just stay home ALL the time. I do deplete energy socially but it takes a couple nights out in a row with friends before I need to lock the doors and turn the lights off. 
And I definitely won't give up my friends.


----------



## Another Planet

Does anyone use twitter? I am rarely logged on to my account but I just signed back in, I never really got the hang of it other then it's like FB just even that much more in your face and minus all the details for the most part. Just a bunch of sharing look at this stuff or quick little things.
And then I have people following me which is kind of strange? lol Why are you following me?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Does anyone use twitter? I am rarely logged on to my account but I just signed back in, I never really got the hang of it other then it's like FB just even that much more in your face and minus all the details for the most part. Just a bunch of sharing look at this stuff or quick little things.
> And then I have people following me which is kind of strange? lol Why are you following me?


It's for the likes of beliebers and their idol. Honestly there is nobody important enough sharing relevant enough information for anyone to ever need to use it, it is simply a diversion.


----------



## Dollystanford

Twitter users aren't called 'the twatterati' for nothing


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Does anyone use twitter? I am rarely logged on to my account but I just signed back in, I never really got the hang of it other then it's like FB just even that much more in your face and minus all the details for the most part. Just a bunch of sharing look at this stuff or quick little things.
> And then I have people following me which is kind of strange? lol Why are you following me?


I don't have an account but am seriously thinking of signing up for news information. I am trying to keep on top of Fvkushima and the WIPP radioactive leaks and twitter seems to be where all the newest information is right away. 

I have no idea how to use it, I just want to follow the people posting the data about these disasters!


----------



## Dollystanford

It's good for stuff like that. But too many people use it to spout the first thing that pops into their head 50 times a day. Equivalent of standing and shouting at the traffic


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Does anyone use twitter? I am rarely logged on to my account but I just signed back in, I never really got the hang of it other then it's like FB just even that much more in your face and minus all the details for the most part. Just a bunch of sharing look at this stuff or quick little things.
> And then I have people following me which is kind of strange? lol Why are you following me?


It's newsfeeds are much better than being inundated with the various stupid things people in your real life post on FB Oh, stars...another baby picture). Least that's what I've heard. 

The entire point of Twitter so you can follow and have people follow you that like your posts. It's a compliment whens someone follows you. So I've heard.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> It's good for stuff like that. But too many people use it to spout the first thing that pops into their head 50 times a day. Equivalent of standing and shouting at the traffic


That's like my FB. I seriously have a guy friend who posts at least 8 times a day. Totally ridiculous things too. 

Have any of you had a friend in real life who you didn't realize was so annoying/odd until you friended them on Facebook? Yeah. That's this guy.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> It's for the likes of beliebers and their idol. Honestly there is nobody important enough sharing relevant enough information


Again, this reminds me of Facebook. LOL.


----------



## doubletrouble

Nsweet said:


> I already one big idea for a reality show, and that's not it.
> 
> My idea is to put a bunch of spoiled 20-something in a homeless shelter, take away all their clothes and give them rags and a bum's appearance, and make the earn their way to the top from doing menial jobs on the street to landing a 9-5 career, pay for everything themselves along the way.
> 
> The winner would be the man or woman with the best job and the most net earnings after 6 months. Of course you would have to have cameras following them everywhere and a panic button that would immediately eliminate them from the game at the first sign of trouble.
> 
> And then you would have to do that thing all reality shows do where you give winners of competitions good food and prizes, but my version would be where the winners get to eat at a buffet and the losers pick through the trash that night.
> 
> I call it "Bum Luck", and I'm pretty sure CBS would be on board. So long as we get stupid white kids to cry and complain about not being liked by people they don't even know, there is a show there.:rofl:


Man, I could sign D24 up for that show.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I signed up for a Twitter account. I got on there, did several slow blinks at it, and thats about it. I just dont get how it works!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> I signed up for a Twitter account. I got on there, did several slow blinks at it, and thats about it. I just dont get how it works!


I don't get how twitter or FB works. I signed up for TAM and I had to read it for months to figure out how it worked. First time I heard the term hashtag, I was thinking back to my days in the late 70s


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> I don't get how twitter or FB works. *I signed up for TAM and I had to read it for months to figure out how it worked*. First time I heard the term hashtag, I was thinking back to my days in the late 70s


You are adorable, Uncle Drerio! 

I am going to have to give you and Whitehawk a FB tutorial class.


----------



## FeministInPink

And I will give y'all a Twitter class. It's not just for beliebers! It's actually a great social media tool, if you know how to use it.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't have an account but am seriously thinking of signing up for news information. I am trying to keep on top of Fvkushima and the WIPP radioactive leaks and twitter seems to be where all the newest information is right away.
> 
> I have no idea how to use it, I just want to follow the people posting the data about these disasters!


That is awesome, I thought I was all alone! I gave up even trying to discuss why I won't eat tuna and other Pacific fish with people, they just roll there eyes at me and I roll mine right back. Argh ignorant sheeple! Why no one talks about it I just don't understand. I have 2 bottles of Iodoral just in case.
"No you don't understand! This is a natural disaster of massive proportions, you thought the Gulf of Mexico oil spills were bad? Just wait!"

Vi I will check my feed and see if there is anything eye grabbing about the leaks....


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> And I will give y'all a Twitter class. It's not just for beliebers! It's actually a great social media tool, if you know how to use it.


Please do! I want to learn to utilize it for my Youtube accounts and my business FB pages.


----------



## Ikaika

Wondering how many tweets it would take to post my old dissertation? :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> That is awesome, I thought I was all alone! I gave up even trying to discuss why I won't eat tuna and other Pacific fish with people, they just roll there eyes at me and I roll mine right back. Argh ignorant sheeple! Why no one talks about it I just don't understand. I have 2 bottles of Iodoral just in case.
> "No you don't understand! This is a natural disaster of massive proportions, you thought the Gulf of Mexico oil spills were bad? Just wait!"
> 
> Vi I will check my feed and see if there is anything eye grabbing about the leaks....


OMG AP!!!! I could hug you right now. I mean really, do you know how hard it is trying to get through to everyone I know this is a fricken disaster of epic proportions???? I feel it is an extinction level event. Radionuclides have made it into the food chain!!! People's eyes glaze over then give some excuse about the nuclear weapons testing is whats causing all the death in the Pacific. 

Alas, Fvkushima for me has taken a back seat the past couple of weeks due to the WIPP airborne plutonium release last week. After the press conference the press has been SILENT. Yet the DOE and DOD are offering free lung and body scans for radiation 100 mile radius around the facility. If it poses no public health threat, why offer the free scans???

Anyways, if you are really interested in keeping up on this stuff, here are the hashtags I found to bring up the most recent information:

#WIPP
#Fvkushima (change the "v" to a "U", TAM **** it out if I don't use the "v")
#nuclear
#plutonium
#americium

Also, #ENENews is a great data source. They are an RSS feeder pulling in articles from other news sites/sources about these disasters. 

And you are right, the oil spill is NOTHING compared to this. It will be 3 years of radioactive contamination pouring into the environment 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...and it cannot be stopped. At all. 

Now this WIPP situation, its like our own little Fvkushima on U.S. soil. There are still reports it may possibly still be leaking. But DOD and DOE have been silent. 

The media blackout is SICKENING!!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> OMG AP!!!! I could hug you right now. I mean really, do you know how hard it is trying to get through to everyone I know this is a fricken disaster of epic proportions???? I feel it is an extinction level event. Radionuclides have made it into the food chain!!! People's eyes glaze over then give some excuse about the nuclear weapons testing is whats causing all the death in the Pacific.
> 
> Alas, Fvkushima for me has taken a back seat the past couple of weeks due to the WIPP airborne plutonium release last week. After the press conference the press has been SILENT. Yet the DOE and DOD are offering free lung and body scans for radiation 100 mile radius around the facility. If it poses no public health threat, why offer the free scans???
> 
> Anyways, if you are really interested in keeping up on this stuff, here are the hashtags I found to bring up the most recent information:
> 
> #WIPP
> #Fvkushima (change the "v" to a "U", TAM **** it out if I don't use the "v")
> #nuclear
> #plutonium
> #americium
> 
> Also, #ENENews is a great data source. They are an RSS feeder pulling in articles from other news sites/sources about these disasters.
> 
> And you are right, the oil spill is NOTHING compared to this. It will be 3 years of radioactive contamination pouring into the environment 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...and it cannot be stopped. At all.
> 
> Now this WIPP situation, its like our own little Fvkushima on U.S. soil. There are still reports it may possibly still be leaking. But DOD and DOE have been silent.
> 
> The media blackout is SICKENING!!!


I am glad there are some normal people that understand why I go on my little anti-uranium rants, especially considering there are many ties to the industry where I live. Try explaining that the long lived waste will need to be actively managed for tens, even hundreds of thousands of years and people just say "put on your tinfoil hat and go suck an exhaust pipe).


----------



## unsure78

sooo my date was actually not bad........interesting guy, intelligent, maybe ok on the looks..not like a hottie but potentially one i could grow into, and stable.... he asked me on a second date i said yea.....

sorry to interrupt radiation discussion... proceed


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> I am glad there are some normal people that understand why I go on my little anti-uranium rants, especially considering there are many ties to the industry where I live. Try explaining that the long lived waste will need to be actively managed for tens, even hundreds of thousands of years and people just say "put on your tinfoil hat and go suck an exhaust pipe).


The whole situation at WIPP really exploits the whole waste management issues with nuclear.

That facility was supposed to last 10,000 years and the roof fvcking caved in and busted open some waste containers....

Yeah that was built to last. Or wait, was there an explosion that caused the failure? Or the "salt truck" that caught on fire on 2/5/14??

Who knows b/c they are going to keep silent about it. 

Oh yeah, I love the tinfoil hat comments!!! 

If you want to stick your head in the sand, fine. But don't come back calling me "crazy" until you do some of your own fvcking research on the entire thing!!! But nope. The sheeple will continue to bask in their slumber. 

I realized my purpose in life is to help in any way with this disaster. I don't really know what that means, but at this point I'm just trying to get the information out there. My FB is no longer social, it is spewing any and all information I can get my hands on about Fvkushima and now WIPP. 

People have a right to know!!!!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

LOL Virtual hug!
Yes I didn't want sound to over the top with my last post but I agree there is potential for extinction of epic proportions here. The entire Pacific Ocean ecosystem will be devastated. I mean you don't even have to be smart to figure this out, here's a map from NOAA showing the radiation spread. Then mix in the currents... We are fvked


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> sooo my date was actually not bad........interesting guy, intelligent, maybe ok on the looks..not like a hottie but potentially one i could grow into, and stable.... he asked me on a second date i said yea.....
> 
> sorry to interrupt radiation discussion... proceed


Is this the controlling guy? Did you mess with his head at all?


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Is this the controlling guy? Did you mess with his head at all?


No I cancelled the date with the controlling guy.... this was an engineer who owns his own business


----------



## Jellybeans

You will have to name this new hat, Unsure.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> You will have to name this new hat, Unsure.


he is dude hat


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> he is dude hat



How about nerdy-almost hottie hat


----------



## unsure78

drerio said:


> How about nerdy-almost hottie hat


i have my reasons for the name chosen....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> i have my reasons for the name chosen....


Two things come to my mind...The Big Lebowski and Finding Nemo! :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> For real. That was when I first started on match and was learning the ins and outs and probably just wanted some attention. She wanted in to my life and because of my bad boundaries I just let her in. She insisted on my number, FB friend, and was constantly inviting me to her family get togethers etc...she was one of those plan your lives together before you even meet girls. And yes we have never met.
> I deleted her after only a few days from my FB but she has my number...she will text me like 20 times with no response from me before she stops for a week then do it again. She's a sweet girl just obviously crazy...last time I talked to her I told her I met someone so I haven't heard from her since.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah , pretty full on . That would feel pretty damn creepy because really you'd have no idea who your dealing with would you .


----------



## unsure78

Whats everyone doing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I am currently messing around figuring out this twitter thing so I can utilize it for another avenue to advertise. Doing some light paperwork and crunching numbers. Gotta study up a little tonight on my business law so I can make some legal moves to protect my business assets and make sure my children have access to them minus "other hands".....
And I have some girl on my mind, I don't think we are ever going to get to meet up :/


----------



## Ikaika

This is 1st mid term week. Grading exams, ugh. I think my students get answering essay questions and tweeting confused.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm finally eating the last bit of my roast I made last week. Bout damn time!!!

Then going to cook chicken for tomorrows dinner and get my workout in.


----------



## unsure78

I got to say drerio, im am glad to be done with papers... when I went back to grad school I had such a hard time with it. Just curious have you ever stepped outside of academia?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> I got to say drerio, im am glad to be done with papers... when I went back to grad school I had such a hard time with it. Just curious have you ever stepped outside of academia?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Before going to graduate school, I worked as an ECG tech at a hospital. Before going undergraduate I was US sailor, ahoy 

Since my academic appointment, I have taken some time away from the classroom to do collaborative research. I try to stay balanced.


----------



## COGypsy

unsure78 said:


> Whats everyone doing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Planning my birthday party!

Clearly a terminal case of the Mondays for me....


----------



## Dollystanford

Not sleeping. Again
Jetlag can kiss my balls


----------



## unsure78

COGypsy said:


> Planning my birthday party!
> 
> Clearly a terminal case of the Mondays for me....


Ooo birthday party fun... what are you going to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Grading quizzes....trig identities. Ugh. Not fun.


----------



## COGypsy

I'm doing a bar party. Either a nice pub or a tiki bar, depends on whether the tiki bar ever gets back to me. I'll provide the spread, my friends are on their own for drinks! Once I have the place, I'll finalize the theme and send the invites. Then have to pick a cake, or cake like sweet..best of all--after the place is set, I can book the photo booth! So excited about that....


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> LOL Virtual hug!
> Yes I didn't want sound to over the top with my last post but I agree there is potential for extinction of epic proportions here. The entire Pacific Ocean ecosystem will be devastated. I mean you don't even have to be smart to figure this out, here's a map from NOAA showing the radiation spread. Then mix in the currents... We are fvked
> 
> 
> 
> Yep exactly. The ramifications of this is just fkg mind boggling .
> When it first happened , l couldn't believe every country in the world didn't drop everything and get over there. know there'll be stuff going on behind the scenes we don't hear of but .
> The quantity, like one drop pored into say an Olympic pool equivalent or maybe 10 if we're lucky, is our only hope now. Maybe that's enough to dilute it into nothing but l don't even wanna think about the damage before that point .
> 
> Basically l reckon we're screwed . Don't see how they can get out of our oceans now what's already escaped .
> 
> My plan , eat lots of fish from the other side of the world while l can haha, and be happy :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> You are adorable, Uncle Drerio!
> 
> I am going to have to give you and Whitehawk a FB tutorial class.



Haha , on ya JB.
Nah l see how it works but it's the privacy aspect that's staggering, lack of. Like l put one friend in and realized from there the chain reaction along from their friends and theirs , of people that will be able to see your crap because you can't even block your timeline , amazing. I'm a private person so the stuff out there for the millions to see is what blows me over.

l relate it to AP's tinfoil hat people :scratchhead: , people just don't wanna think about it .


----------



## unsure78

Oooo dudehat actually called me on the phone to ask me out again this week...whoa I forgot what its like to actually be asked out not by text
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I wore myself out at the gym............. now it's steak and broccoli. YUM.


----------



## bravenewworld

Mmm steak and broccoli sounds delish. Pass the A1! 

I have a question hoping y'all can help me out with. I think I have a stage 5 clinger. Met a nice seeming guy but we haven't actually gone out yet because my schedule is super packed. We made tentative plans to hang out in two weeks. 

We exchanged numbers last week and at first he would text me once in a while and I'd respond. Nothing major, more just friendly getting to know you stuff. Now the past 3 days he is texting me EVERY DAY. Like "Afternoon Brave" "How ya' doin Brave" "Yadda Yadda Yadda Brave" and I'm starting to think it's kind of weird. FYI - I've told him I just got out of a marriage and am not really looking to settle down. 

He's older than me (early 40s) and hasn't ever been married, no kids. Longest relationship was a year and a half. I dunno. I'm kinda not feeling it. Seems like he's a bit too "thirsty" if that makes sense, but he also does seem nice. Not even sure I want to meet up at this point. 

Am I being overly paranoid?? I'm just used to more casual texting not like every day when we've never even gone on a date.


----------



## vi_bride04

No, listen to yourself. I had a stage 5 clinger that acted similar in the beginning like that. I met up anyways....just made it worse.

I was also very upfront that I wasn't ready for anything serious right away.


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> No, listen to yourself. I had a stage 5 clinger that acted similar in the beginning like that. I met up anyways....just made it worse.
> 
> I was also very upfront that I wasn't ready for anything serious right away.


Thanks for sharing, I'm still learning to trust my gut with this stuff. We've actually never talked on the phone so I was thinking of texting the below:

Been thinking it over and it seems you're in the headspace of looking for a relationship and I'm so not there. I think it's better we don't meet up as planned since we already have very different expectations. I enjoyed getting to know you and wish you well. 

Thoughts? Totally open to better suggestions! Sometimes I'm way too nice with this stuff.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Thanks for sharing, I'm still learning to trust my gut with this stuff. We've actually never talked on the phone so I was thinking of texting the below:
> 
> Been thinking it over and it seems you're in the headspace of looking for a relationship and I'm so not there. I think it's better we don't meet up as planned since we already have very different expectations. I enjoyed getting to know you and wish you well.
> 
> Thoughts? Totally open to better suggestions! Sometimes I'm way too nice with this stuff.


Much nicer then I would do if I had to actually confront someone to get rid of them...
Mine would be...
"Listen...bye"...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

"I'm not ready to date. I thought I was but really am not. Just want to tell you and not waste anyones time."


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmm I think I might have a date Sat. 

Tinder is kinda cool so far. Can seem to tell b.s. looking for sex only profiles vs some pretty normal people looking to socialize.

I am really liking the number of interests in common comparison. I'm trying to choose 5 or higher before liking and conversations have been pretty intelligent. Well of course they have to like me back first, lol. 

Much better than POF


----------



## Ikaika

A bit off topic, found this an interesting program

If You Think You're Anonymous Online, Think Again : All Tech Considered : NPR


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Mmm steak and broccoli sounds delish. Pass the A1!
> 
> I have a question hoping y'all can help me out with. I think I have a stage 5 clinger. Met a nice seeming guy but we haven't actually gone out yet because my schedule is super packed. We made tentative plans to hang out in two weeks.
> 
> We exchanged numbers last week and at first he would text me once in a while and I'd respond. Nothing major, more just friendly getting to know you stuff. Now the past 3 days he is texting me EVERY DAY. Like "Afternoon Brave" "How ya' doin Brave" "Yadda Yadda Yadda Brave" and I'm starting to think it's kind of weird. FYI - I've told him I just got out of a marriage and am not really looking to settle down.
> 
> He's older than me (early 40s) and hasn't ever been married, no kids. Longest relationship was a year and a half. I dunno. I'm kinda not feeling it. Seems like he's a bit too "thirsty" if that makes sense, but he also does seem nice. Not even sure I want to meet up at this point.
> 
> Am I being overly paranoid?? I'm just used to more casual texting not like every day when we've never even gone on a date.



Hey Brave . Sorry to be a downer but, 40s and only one 18mth relationship, is that even possible ? Somem wrong there.

All the contact now , he can't wait , gettin anxious . Bit too keen to find the real thing l reckon , gotta be some problems in there with a record like that.
lf he was a her l'd bolt sorry , JMO .


----------



## whitehawk

Well, came up with a solution to my little dilemma with that local gal.
No wonder onliners are so paranoid but hey what can l say :scratchhead:.
Anyway , she'll probly pass now but hey l need to know first 1 , is she part of that family and 2 , does she work at my ex's hospital . lf it was in person and she knew ex even just through work , l could suss it out but online , fkg tricky.

So l took the chance and cleaned out my second page and emailed her back. Maybe l can get her talking a bit without her seeing my second page first , suss it all out.
l know , scum , but hey what else can l do 
Don't wanna just give it the chop bc l might be wrong . But l don't wanna give too much out until l know bc l might be right too - oh the pain :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Just read up on tinder and online dating stats .

This one anyway , reckons only 1 in 5 relationships meet online in some way .
l reckon that's good news because l would prefer the real world - if l only l had more stuff happening to meet someone :rofl:

ps , so basically ya 4x better of spending your dough on getting a life , that's a good thing really isn't it !


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> I wore myself out at the gym............. now it's steak and broccoli. YUM.




So do people ever meet through gyms or ?
You'd think it'd be a great way to meet girls - or guys :scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> So do people ever meet through gyms or ?
> You'd think it'd be a great way to meet girls - or guys :scratchhead:


I would think not. You are at the gym for a purpose and that is to workout...another reason why I have always preferred a home gym.
Just like you guys say about dating sites, you are there for a reason and it is not to make friends.
I could be wrong though this all is an assumption.


----------



## whitehawk

Damn shame , l'll never forget the tour l got through a gym l was thinking about joining.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok so my dating app update: 28 guys have "checked me out" and 12 guys have sent me message ranging from "wana chat" (yes he misspelled it that way) to "We are same age" to "Hello sexy" and "X just *winked* at you!" Someone sent me a "gift" but I dont even know how to reveal it or who it was from. Weird.

I haVen't responded to any of them. I suck at this. I kinda just wanted to see what it's all about but not sure if it's for me. Also there are some funny pics people post on there. This one guy was making like a duck face and showing off with all these cars (that probably aren't his); another one, I immediately thought NO when I saw him in his cowboy garb (no offense to cowboys, but there aren't really my jam).

I don't even know what to say to these guys.



drerio said:


> This is 1st mid term week. Grading exams, ugh. * I think my students get answering essay questions and tweeting confused. *


Funny. 



FrenchFry said:


> Black Twitter is fantastic...just saying.


I love those tweets!



COGypsy said:


> I'm doing a bar party. Either a nice pub or a tiki bar, depends on whether the tiki bar ever gets back to me.


Woo hoo! That sounds fun, Cog!



bravenewworld said:


> I have a question hoping y'all can help me out with. I think I have a stage 5 clinger.


Oh gosh. They are running rampant lately, it seems. if you are already not feeling him, just tell him you are going to cancel the date because you have decided you're not ready for dating. (Which is true, you don't want to date him particularly, but you don't need to say that part). Honestly and straightforwardness is best. If he presses, jus ttell him, I already told you. And then don't respond to his texts. If he STILL keeps it up, block his #.



whitehawk said:


> Hey Brave . Sorry to be a downer but, 40s and only one 18mth relationship, is that even possible ? Some wrong there.


*What about* if a man is in his late 40s and longest relationships have lasted for 3 yrs? And 2 yrs? Do you guys think that is a red flag?



whitehawk said:


> Damn shame , l'll never forget the tour l got through a gym l was thinking about joining.:rofl:


Go to the gym and do the tour. Also, yes, people do meet at the gyms. I personally haven't, but I've seen hook ups happen at my gym. 

Oh and I'm late but happy belated birthday, Vi. I hope it was a good one! (Unless I already wished you one and forgot)?


----------



## vi_bride04

My birthday is in April, so you aren't late at all!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh. Haha. I wonder who's birthday it was. Maybe it was *Angel's*? I have the WORST memory. I thought someone in here said it was their birthday over the weekend. Haha.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I would think not. You are at the gym for a purpose and that is to workout...another reason why I have always preferred a home gym.
> Just like you guys say about dating sites, you are there for a reason and it is not to make friends.
> I could be wrong though this all is an assumption.


I think this all depends on why you join a gym. For me, I did the home thing for a couple of years. My social network has exploded by getting into Crossfit. There are a few situations where a gym is a great place to meet like minded people. However, I wouldn't date someone from my gym. Just gaining friends.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I think this all depends on why you join a gym. .


I would think that one joins a gym to... exercise. LOL. :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

uhhhhhh it seems that I am a magnet for old men irl.... really? For some reason men over 50+ love to love me... its weird


----------



## unsure78

Hey Jelly... you are super sexy   wannna date....


hahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahah


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> uhhhhhh it seems that I am a magnet for old men irl.... really? For some reason men over 50+ love to love me... its weird


Why not try it out? How bad could it be? Do you tend to normally date younger? Is dude hat older?



unsure78 said:


> Hey Jelly... you are super sexy   wannna date....
> 
> 
> hahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahah


If I were into dating women I would be all over that. You are a stunner who has her sh*t together.  Plus, we could trade off: younger/older lover. Hahaha.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Why not try it out? How bad could it be? Do you tend to normally date younger? Is dude hat older?
> 
> 
> 
> If I were into dating women I would be all over that. You are a stunner who has her sh*t together.  Plus, we could trade off: younger/older lover. Hahaha.



Dudehat is 44.. thats my upper limit... my son is still fairly young and ultimately I want someone who is still game for living a "young" family life... I have dated both older and younger than me.. most dates have been in the 40-42 range

Jelly you can totally be my gf anyday...lol... I always said if i was going to swing that way it would have to be for a woman as hot or hotter than me...hahahahahahahahhaah


----------



## Lon

don't want to disturb the woman-woman flirting going on, but I'm tired of this sht:


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> ultimately I want someone who is still game for living a "young" family life...
> 
> Jelly you can totally be my gf anyday...lol... I always said if i was going to swing that way it would have to be for a woman as hot or hotter than me...hahahahahahahahhaah


Haha. Sweet! We would make a hot les couple! 

I can understand about you wanting someone who is young enough to fit in your life. 

Lon, it is snowing here again too. Was supposed to be a dusting but it has not stopped for the past hour and half... Not sticking though.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> don't want to disturb the woman-woman flirting going on, but I'm tired of this sht:


Lon are we not warming you up with our girl on girl action here?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Lon said:


> don't want to disturb the woman-woman flirting going on, but I'm tired of this sht:


Move to the Carolinas.  Highs in the 50s and sunny today.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Lon are we not warming you up with our girl on girl action here?


Not enough, would you mind turning up the heat a little?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> don't want to disturb the woman-woman flirting going on, but I'm tired of this sht:


Mhmm. I agree, this weather is balls.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> I would think that one joins a gym to... exercise. LOL. :rofl:


I didn't join my gym to exercise. I could do that well on my own.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> uhhhhhh it seems that I am a magnet for old men irl.... really? For some reason men over 50+ love to love me... its weird



Hope you keep a steady amount of "blue pills" around.....


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I didn't join my gym to exercise. I could do that well on my own.


Yoga pants! I knew it! :rofl:

Did your really just sign up to check out women? Or for the conversation in the weightroom? Haha.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Hope you keep a steady amount of "blue pills" around.....


hahahahah... i wont date anyone over early mid 40s.. they all have been turned down


----------



## Jellybeans

You are such a man-killer, Unsure. Poor older men, getting all their hopes up when they message you.

Wait, so do men experience extensive erectile problems in their 50s? I mean, I figure it ain't gonna be like it was when they were 18 but I was wondering.

And another question, forgive my ignorance, but if a man has a vasectomy, can he not orgasm the same way as before? Does the vasectomy effect his ability to c*m or his sperm in any way? I have always wondered this.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Yoga pants! I knew it! :rofl:
> 
> Did your really just sign up to check out women? *Or for the conversation in the weightroom?* Haha.


This would be troubling for me, since I have an in-home gym.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> You are such a man-killer, Unsure. Poor older men, getting all their hopes up when tey message you.
> 
> Wait, so do men experience extensive erectile problems in their 50s? I mean, I figure it ain't gonna be like it was when they were 18 but I was wondering.
> 
> And another question, forgive my ignorance, but if a man has a vasectomy, can he not orgasm the same way as before? Does the vasectomy effect his ability to c*m or his sperm in any way? I have always wondered this.


Hey hey now, some us 50 year olds do just fine.  Fitness and maintaining ones fitness goes a long way in sustaining oneself without the use of any pharmaceuticals. 

Most of the semen is a product of seminal vesicle. Very little of the average 2 - 5ml of semen is due to the "swimmer". The cut and ligation comes before the seminal vesicle and prostate.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Hey hey now, some us 50 year olds do just fine.


Haha. I don't doubt that for a minute!



drerio said:


> Most of the semen is a product of seminal vesicle. Very little of the average 2 - 5ml of semen is due to the "swimmer". The cut and ligation comes before the seminal vesicle and prostate.


Still lost here. :scratchhead: So it does or does not effect the orgasm/sperm?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> You are such a man-killer, Unsure. Poor older men, getting all their hopes up when tey message you.


its just weird.... that and guys who like love me forever..... i have one stage 5 thats been hanging on for 14 yrs despite multiple rejections another stage 5 that popped up after 15 yrs.... the one that turned up on vday this year had not seen him in like 5 yrs at least...

hahahahah... once you are hooked on unsure you are there for life..hahahahah.... 

(seriously I dont even flirt with these guys... and i dress down my assets, i dont shown them off unless im with a date)


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> its just weird.... that and guys who like love me forever..... i have one stage 5 *thats been hanging on for 14 yrs despite multiple rejections* another stage 5 that *popped up after 15 yrs*.... the one that turned up on vday this year had not seen him in like 5 yrs at least...
> 
> hahahahah... once you are hooked on unsure you are there for life..hahahahah....


:rofl: You did something to them, all right! Was the first guy a guy friend? That is a long time to keep trying! Was the pop-up guy someone you dated previously?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> You are such a man-killer, Unsure. Poor older men, getting all their hopes up when tey message you.
> 
> Wait, so do men experience extensive erectile problems in their 50s? I mean, I figure it ain't gonna be like it was when they were 18 but I was wondering.
> 
> And another question, forgive my ignorance, but if a man has a vasectomy, can he not orgasm the same way as before? Does the vasectomy effect his ability to c*m or his sperm in any way? I have always wondered this.


If men in there 50's are active (exercise), eat correctly (have a higher protein/fat balanced carb diet), they should be fine. However, most of our society takes in too much crap, therefore, having massive effects on their hormone levels.

In regards to a vasectomy (which i fortunately have taken advantage of considering I have too many kids already), think about shooting blanks. You get all the pop without the bullet.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I don't doubt that for a minute!
> 
> 
> 
> Still lost here. :scratchhead: So it does or does not effect the orgasm/sperm?


It does not affect it either as an event or in quantity of semen, only the quality, minus the "swimmer". Some men report a loss of total feeling, but some speculate it may simply be more a matter of psychological assessment. I don't think I will get banned for this educational picture. The ligation takes place close to the pubic bone (located on the right hand side of the picture). The long route starts in the scrotum from microscopic tubes (seminiferous tubules) through the epididymus, ductus deferens (formerly Vas deferens), and on and one from there. When it gets to the ejaculatory duct at this point most of the conscious sensory receptors are located here along with the contraction of the seminal vesicle. If someone is offended please let me know I will remove the pic. But it does come straight out of my lectures.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> In regards to a vasectomy (which i fortunately have taken advantage of considering I have too many kids already), think about shooting blanks. You get all the pop without the bullet.


Thanks for explaining. So... it's like a party without the concern of a hangover? That is a pretty sweet deal. 

No wonder Angel will only date men if they've had a v. HAHAHA. 

How many kids do you have D2H?


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> If someone is offended please let me know I will remove the pic. But it does come straight out of my lectures.


Thank you Professor Drerio! I don't see that pic as a reason to warranty banning/offensiveness , etc. It's very educational!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Thank you Professor Drerio! I don't see that pic as a reason to warranty banning/offensiveness , etc. It's very educational!


Could be it is being screened by someone. It does show up on my screen. Hopefully, the moderators can see that it is nothing more than a labeled drawing of the male reproductive system, nothing more.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks for explaining. So... it's like a party without the concern of a hangover? That is a pretty sweet deal.
> 
> No wonder Angel will only date men if they've had a v. HAHAHA.
> 
> How many kids do you have D2H?


I have 4........


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: You did something to them, all right! Was the first guy a guy friend? That is a long time to keep trying! Was the pop-up guy someone you dated previously?


I have dated none of them.... 

first guy is a guy at my work 20 yrs older than me who has been in love with me for years...he professed his love for me over the company IM after I got D

second guy was a guy from college i had ONE class with... he liked me but never asked me out cause i always had a bf (i didnt like him in that way anyway, he became an MD)

last guy worked for me years ago as a contractor... apparently i "did it for him" .. at the time i was in charge of about 20+ guys, some of these guy were more labor/union types, so you have to be a bit feisty with those types of guys,be able to banter well, and project a certain confidence or they will eat you alive...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I have dated none of them....
> 
> first guy is a guy at my work 20 yrs older than me who has been in love with me for years...he professed his love for me over the company IM after I got D
> 
> second guy was a guy from college i had ONE class with... he liked me but never asked me out cause i always had a bf (i didnt like him in that way anyway, he became an MD)
> 
> last guy worked for me years ago as a contractor... apparently i "did it for him" .. at the time i was in charge of about 20+ guys, some of these guy were more labor/union types, so you have to be a bit feisty with those types of guys,be able to banter well, and project a certain confidence or they will eat you alive...


I literally said "WTF" to myself reading each one of these. lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> I literally said "WTF" to myself reading each one of these. lol


Me too....!!! :scratchhead:


----------



## Ikaika

On the other hand the procedure to ligate the uterine tubes is far more complicated and requires a bit more surgery. Easier for men to get sterilized than women. 

Although some men are functionally sterile. If a man produces too low a number of "swimmers" he could be functionally sterile. It is all a matter of statistics. And, that the vaginal space is a very hostile space to any cell other than those that line it. Getting past here and finally into the uterus is feat not easily made for spermatozoa. Even then without eyes or a good tracking system, finding a target that is at best 14 µm in size is not easy. 

It is amazing that pregnancies happen at all. Thus best to increase ones statistical chances, thus we all know what people are doing (and a lot of it :rofl when success is achieved.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Could be it is being screened by someone. It does show up on my screen. Hopefully, the moderators can see that it is nothing more than a labeled drawing of the male reproductive system, nothing more.


It shows up fine on my screen. The pic does not seem scandalous at all. 



Dedicated2Her said:


> I have 4........


Cool beans. I suppose that is considered "a lot" nowadays. It seems families are smaller now. Just me?




unsure78 said:


> I have dated none of them....
> 
> first guy is a guy at my work 20 yrs older than me who has been in love with me for years...he professed his love for me over the company IM after I got D


:rofl: 20 yrs older? Haha he stands no chance of being in your preferred dating age range. Funny, too, that he confessed his love for you over work instant message. Ah, technology and romance!


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I literally said "WTF" to myself reading each one of these. lol


I know... its crazy... VI i think you have seen a picture of the first one... albino stalker... he still gave my kid a Christmas present this year

Yea.... I will say my life is interesting or maybe that my life itself isn't interesting but i have met some interesting people along the way


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: 20 yrs older? Haha he stands no chance of being in your preferred dating age range. Funny, too, that he confessed his love for you over work instant message. Ah, technology and romance!


yea... he is older never married, i dont think he has ever even had a gf even... we worked together closely for years on a project together...he used to tell me that i was so much like him and he would do anything for me... after he sent me the IM... i told him i cant even be your friend anymore this is too weird.... he keeps coming back around everyone in a while... " i miss talking to you..cant we be how like we used to be..." ummmmmm creeepy no


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Cool beans. I suppose that is considered "a lot" nowadays. It seems families are smaller now. Just me?


It is a lot when you are divorced.



> yea... he is older never married, i dont think he has ever even had a gf even... we worked together closely for years on a project together...he used to tell me that i was so much like him and he would do anything for me... after he sent me the IM... i told him i cant even be your friend anymore this is too weird.... he keeps coming back around everyone in a while... " i miss talking to you..cant we be how like we used to be..." ummmmmm creeepy no


What the freaking frack!?!?!

Sorry, I just had to add that.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> I know... its crazy... VI i think you have seen a picture of the first one... albino stalker... he still gave my kid a Christmas present this year
> 
> Yea.... I will say my life is interesting or maybe that my life itself isn't interesting but i have met some interesting people along the way


It sounds like you have poor boundaries :rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> albino stalker...


:rofl:



unsure78 said:


> yea... he is older never married, i dont think he has ever even had a gf even...


Ok, that is definitely weird. Is he awkward? Seems odd he's never had a girly friend!



Dedicated2Her said:


> It is a lot when you are divorced.


:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> What the freaking frack!?!?!
> 
> Sorry, I just had to add that.


What it basically came down too is that I'm a beautiful smart girl that actually talked to him and didn't make fun or belittle him, as other people did.... he clearly had some major social issues, though a very intelligent man, and me being me was still nice to him because i had to work with him.


----------



## unsure78

ok for your all viewing pleasure...

albino stalker has been loaded in my private album.. hes the one in the middle


----------



## Jellybeans

Albino stalker has cool mad scientist hair! Hahaha.

You're so pretty, Unsure.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Albino stalker has cool mad scientist hair! Hahaha.
> 
> You're so pretty, Unsure.


aww thanks Jelly... i would totally be your lesi gf


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh yeah - crazy hair guy! Man, looks like he never sees the sunlight! Was he really albino? Or just never leave his house?


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh yeah - crazy hair guy! Man, looks like he never sees the sunlight! Was he really albino? Or just never leave his house?


no he wasnt really albino... i think Matt1720 nicknamed him that


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> ok for your all viewing pleasure...
> 
> albino stalker has been loaded in my private album.. hes the one in the middle


What is with the hands in the armpits?  

Body language is 70% of communication, just don't get what this means?


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> aww thanks Jelly... i would totally be your lesi gf


Aw, thanks!

And YEAH he DOES look Albino-esque! He has some serious Albert Einstein going on!!! Hahahaha.

I have an affinity for nerds. So I think he's kind of cute. Haha. :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

drerio said:


> What is with the hands in the armpits?
> 
> Body language is 70% of communication, just don't get what this means?


hes a socially awkward individual....


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, thanks!
> 
> And YEAH he DOES look Albino-esque! He has some serious Albert Einstein going on!!! Hahahaha.
> 
> *I have an affinity for nerds. So I think he's kind of cute. Haha.* :rofl:


Nerds and old men


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> ok for your all viewing pleasure...
> 
> albino stalker has been loaded in my private album.. hes the one in the middle


EW!! Creep factor= MAJOR!!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> ok for your all viewing pleasure...
> 
> albino stalker has been loaded in my private album.. hes the one in the middle


Great Scott!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> Great Scott!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Great Scott!!!!!!!!!!!!


Best reaction yet... that had me cracking up at my desk


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> hes a socially awkward individual....


He looks like he's about to pull his hands out of his armpits and smell his fingers...


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> He looks like he's about to pull his hands out of his armpits and smell his fingers...


Mary Cathrine Gallagher


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Nerds and old men


You figured me out! 

Lol on _the Back the Future_, guys!

I do think it's very weird that a man that old has never had a girlfriend. Bizarre.


----------



## COGypsy

And the snow flurries are back.....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> You figured me out!
> 
> Lol on _the Back the Future_, guys!
> 
> I do think it's very weird that a man that old has never had a girlfriend. Bizarre.


Desperation leads to even more desperation, vicious scary cycle that can lead a person to become socially awkward.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Nerds and old men


Jelly and Unsure have complete opposite tastes in men.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Jelly and Unsure have complete opposite tastes in men.


Not true... i mesh very well intellectually with the nerd guys... but im not going to lie, i think thor is like the most wicked hot guy ever.....

(oh btw the one that broke my heart last year he was a nerd)

lol...all it would mean is that Jelly and I can go out together and not compete for the same guys


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Jelly and Unsure have complete opposite tastes in men.


Yep. Unsure seems to be more into a younger athletic type whereas I am into all brains (and my 'a smidge older' phase)



unsure78 said:


> lol...all it would mean is that Jelly and I can go out together and not compete for the same guys


Hahaha. Set the world on fire!


----------



## Another Planet

It seriously needs to stop snowing.......I feel so defeated.....HAD A FKN DATE BUT HAD TO CANCEL!!!...it's even her fkn birthday this weekend...had to cancel that, what an ******* I am...I am so tired of working over 100hrs a week...so stupid! Polar vortex jerkoff I hate you!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> It seriously needs to stop snowing.......I feel so defeated.....HAD A FKN DATE BUT HAD TO CANCEL!!!...it's even her fkn birthday this weekend...had to cancel that, what an ******* I am...I am so tired of working over 100hrs a week...so stupid!


 Thats sucks Another.... cant you guys just squeeze in a hot chocolate meeting or something quick?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

So sending flowers to a girl for her Bday that you have never been on a date with because it never works out, is that weird or creepy or clingy or whatever? I feel like such an *******...


----------



## Pbartender

Looks like someone took a picture of me during my dance lesson last weekend...


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Thats sucks Another.... cant you guys just squeeze in a hot chocolate meeting or something quick?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We have both agreed to whatever we can...we are both single parents though. She works a 9-5 and I am random 24/7 but I am the boss so for the most part I can do whatever. We both have the same weekends off for the kids which happens to be this weekend which also happens to be her birthday but it is going to snow...a lot...all weekend...


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Thats sucks Another.... cant you guys just squeeze in a hot chocolate meeting or something quick?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know that could work...only thing I am concerned with is I will feel hurried to get back to work and I wouldn't want her to feel that it is her.....

I just want to go out a couple times with her to see if we even mesh!


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Looks like someone took a picture of me during my dance lesson last weekend...


You are a smoooooth operator pbar...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> You know that could work...only thing I am concerned with is I will feel hurried to get back to work and I wouldn't want her to feel that it is her.....
> 
> I just want to go out a couple times with her to see if we even mesh!


So then meet for an hour... my coffee or lunch dates only last an hour...thats pretty standard for a first meeting

Sometimes I think people make to big a deal out of meeting someone... it goes how it goes,its just a first date...you meet new people all the time right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> *What about* if a man is in his late 40s and longest relationships have lasted for 3 yrs? And 2 yrs? Do you guys think that is a red flag?
> 
> 
> 
> Go to the gym and do the tour. Also, yes, people do meet at the gyms. I personally haven't, but I've seen hook ups happen at my gym.
> 
> 
> 
> Years ago JB , not my thing now but hey l'd be up for another tour though :smthumbup:
> 
> l personally think that's too weird JB , only 2 short term things at that age, gotta be issues.
> l can relate it to a few people l know in about the same boat too and you could never see any of them ever working something long term out now .
> lf someones after long term anyway, wouldn't touch it myself.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> So then meet for an hour... my coffee or lunch dates only last an hour...thats pretty standard for a first meeting
> 
> Sometimes I think people make to big a deal out of meeting someone... it goes how it goes,its just a first date...you meet new people all the time right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I do meet new people all the time...customers, accountants, lawyers, tax guys, grounds managers, material suppliers, advertisers, etc.....Hmm I have no problem doing that...it does go how it goes....that's business though hmm
Maybe that's the problem? I don't want it to be like one of my business deals...I don't want it to be like "here's my numbers" "ok here's my numbers" so lets make a deal.....


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> So then meet for an hour... my coffee or lunch dates only last an hour...thats pretty standard for a first meeting
> 
> Sometimes I think people make to big a deal out of meeting someone... it goes how it goes,its just a first date...you meet new people all the time right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But I agree, maybe I can get in a brunch Saturday morning


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> It seriously needs to stop snowing.......I feel so defeated.....HAD A FKN DATE BUT HAD TO CANCEL!!!...it's even her fkn birthday this weekend...had to cancel that, what an ******* I am...I am so tired of working over 100hrs a week...so stupid! Polar vortex jerkoff I hate you!


100 hrs a wk , you serious ? Fk me that's way against my principals , l'd need an ambulance :rofl: Maybe you should look at taking someone on on your part. l might do 20 or 30 on a bad wk .
2-3 wks a mth at about 20 or 30 hrs a wk for me , any more than that and well , that's just getting ridiculous l can't even entertain such profanities :scratchhead: 

PS , better add in all fairness , it is far from all roses though, lots of hell periods a long the way and problems to solve most would never have to deal with . Times like that l do wonder even with my hours or wish l had a partner.


----------



## Nsweet

Hey everyone. Lost mu internet yesterday..... So I probably won't be on TAM much for a while.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> 100 hrs a wk , you serious ? Fk me that's way against my principals , l'd need an ambulance :rofl:
> l might do 20 or 30 on a bad wk , l need a wk of after a slog like that though :rofl:
> 2-3 wks a mth at about 20 or 30 hrs a wk for me , any more than that and well , that's just getting ridiculous l can't even entertain such profanities :scratchhead:


Since November man. If I am not actually doing the labor Im doing the rest of it, fixing equipment or paperwork. If i'm talking to you guys that usually means I am doing paperwork in the office or getting ready for bed...the alarm is set for 4AM
I'll tell you this much... I don't want to do this anymore :/


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Hey everyone. Lost mu internet yesterday..... So I probably won't be on TAM much for a while.


I'll be looking forward to your rearrival


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I'll be looking forward to your rearrival


I will try to get the home wifi back on next week, so I can watch movies and TAM from home. 

I am just really bored and sore today. Everything still hurts!


----------



## vi_bride04

AP - this has been the worst winter in how long??

Spring is coming. Take a deep breath, it will be over soon. I have been hearing more birds in the morning lately. 

Just keep repeating "its almost over its almost over its almost over its almost over its almost over its almost over"

Thats what I'm doing. And cursing. I'm doing alot of that too. This bitter cold can suck a monkey butt.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Cursing it here too, Vi. Tis bullsh!t...


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> AP - this has been the worst winter in how long??
> 
> Spring is coming. Take a deep breath, it will be over soon. I have been hearing more birds in the morning lately.
> 
> Just keep repeating "its almost over its almost over its almost over its almost over its almost over its almost over"
> 
> Thats what I'm doing. And cursing. I'm doing alot of that too. This bitter cold can suck a monkey butt.


Since 78-79 is what they say...we are breaking records.
It is almost over, this next week + weekend+ next week and hopefully done!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Since 78-79 is what they say...we are breaking records.
> It is almost over, this next week + weekend+ next week and hopefully done!


AP, what state are you in? I'm in MO.


----------



## Another Planet

Michigan...just a couple miles east from our wonderful Capital Lansing!
Are you Northern Missouri? I80 is so boring!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nope, St Louie area.


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> So then meet for an hour... my coffee or lunch dates only last an hour...thats pretty standard for a first meeting
> 
> Sometimes I think people make to big a deal out of meeting someone... it goes how it goes,its just a first date...you meet new people all the time right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


unsure's totally right, no need to stress yourself out. Get an hour get together in...if the sparks are there it won't matter how much time you spend with her. 

Sometimes I think the best first meeting would be something as simple as just taking a walk in the park...when it isn't snowing like the next ice age is upon us, of coarse.


----------



## Nsweet

So.... Talking about weather and where you live? I take it no one is getting laid right about now.:rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> So.... Talking about weather and where you live? I take it no one is getting laid right about now.:rofl:


Do people get laid on Tuesdays? 

Just kidding, I'm sure someone is knockin'da boots right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

lisab0105 said:


> Do people get laid on Tuesdays?
> 
> 
> 
> Just kidding, I'm sure someone is knockin'da boots right now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Still early here 

And, as for the weather, I'm keeping my mouth shut


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Since November man. If I am not actually doing the labor Im doing the rest of it, fixing equipment or paperwork. If i'm talking to you guys that usually means I am doing paperwork in the office or getting ready for bed...the alarm is set for 4AM
> I'll tell you this much... I don't want to do this anymore :/




Oh [email protected] , tbh l meant to delete what l was sayin about my hrs, l thought best not mention that right now 
Sorry bout that, that's no good. Can't get someone on to lighten the load ?
My money is really bad right now l must admit, levels things out a bit .
When it is paying well or l get a few good runs , far from a dream job but l do enjoy some of it and of course the hrs. There's always a trade of isn't there.


----------



## unsure78

You can count on jpr getting some. ..

Hey nsweet I emailed you my dudehat profile a while ago...take a look for me, he may have some potential
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Downunder here , right at the bottom of AP's current diagram. Nice touch it should be reaching me within a year or two . 
30c here whatever that is in F . Quite warm , l raised a sweat today . Nice laying weather though, well if l had a love life it would be .
Btw way , l would've thought snow would be beautiful laying weather :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

l dunno what your suppose to say in date site emails.
Just reading through here and other places over the last few mths it's like your damned if you say to much , ask too much suggest anything , damned if you don't.

l'm talking to that girl l mentioned , l dunno how l'm going to suss out if it's who l think she might be .
Some people just say nothing , does anyone else find that ? 4 emails , one line in each - get on with it you know for fk sake :lol:


----------



## jpr

lisab0105 said:


> Do people get laid on Tuesdays?
> 
> Just kidding, I'm sure someone is knockin'da boots right now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


me! me! me!...I was knockin'da boots.


----------



## jpr

I went to see the deacon at my church about getting an annulment. We met for 1.5 hours. It was more difficult telling my story than I thought it was going to be.

I have been putting off the annulment because I didn't think I could emotionally handle replaying my story to someone again.

I replayed part of my story for him, and he helped me figure out what I should focus on in my narrative. It was hard. I did cry a bit throughout...especially when I discussed Sasquatch's (my ex's) depression issues, and how he told me that he "needed" his friendship with his Tart  because he was so depressed and suicidal--and it was 'so hard' for him transitioning to fatherhood. ...my brother committed suicide, and I was so afraid that Sasquatch was going to. Sasquatch actually cut himself at one point, and I really thought he was in danger of ending his life. So, I didn't stick up for myself at all. I just placated to all of his demands....and tried my best to compete with a 24 year old. 

Man. I didn't think I would have such a hard time rehashing all that. But, it was hard. I am such a different person now, but as I was rehashing that I just felt incredibly sad for the person that I was. That was such a low time in my life. 

Now, I have to write up a narrative for the annulment paperwork. I have spent a lot of time training my brain to stop rehashing things. I stopped focusing on the "should have beens" and started focusing on the future and enjoying the present. I really don't want to go back there...and recall all that happened. I guess it could be cathartic for some...but, I am past that. 



I sort of wish I didn't delete my original thread in "Going Through Separation and Divorce".......I probably could have used that to recall the events of my divorce. Oh well.

I'll tackle it this weekend.


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> I went to see the deacon at my church about getting an annulment. We met for 1.5 hours. It was more difficult telling my story than I thought it was going to be.
> 
> I have been putting off the annulment because I didn't think I could emotionally handle replaying my story to someone again.
> 
> I replayed part of my story for him, and he helped me figure out what I should focus on in my narrative. It was hard. I did cry a bit throughout...especially when I discussed Sasquatch's (my ex's) depression issues, and how he told me that he "needed" his friendship with his Tart  because he was so depressed and suicidal--and it was 'so hard' for him transitioning to fatherhood. ...my brother committed suicide, and I was so afraid that Sasquatch was going to. Sasquatch actually cut himself at one point, and I really thought he was in danger of ending his life. So, I didn't stick up for myself at all. I just placated to all of his demands....and tried my best to compete with a 24 year old.
> 
> Man. I didn't think I would have such a hard time rehashing all that. But, it was hard. I am such a different person now, but as I was rehashing that I just felt incredibly sad for the person that I was. That was such a low time in my life.
> 
> Now, I have to write up a narrative for the annulment paperwork. I have spent a lot of time training my brain to stop rehashing things. I stopped focusing on the "should have beens" and started focusing on the future and enjoying the present. I really don't want to go back there...and recall all that happened. I guess it could be cathartic for some...but, I am past that.
> 
> 
> 
> I sort of wish I didn't delete my original thread in "Going Through Separation and Divorce".......I probably could have used that to recall the events of my divorce. Oh well.
> 
> I'll tackle it this weekend.


WTF? Did you get married again? Annulment? Man I've been out of the loop. :scratchhead:


----------



## bandit.45

Hey thanks guys for the advice in dealing with the neighbor gal. 

We had a good long conversation yesterday where I laid it on the line and told her and that, as gratified as I was by her attention, I was not going to accept anymore meals or niceties from her. 

I explained my current situation, that I was not looking for a relationship of any sort and that given I'm a recovering acoholic and just had heart valve surgery a few months back, I was most likely not a good bet. 

She was embarrassed and I felt bad, but the deed is done and I expect we'll just go back to being neighbors.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> l dunno what your suppose to say in date site emails.
> Just reading through here and other places over the last few mths it's like your damned if you say to much , ask too much suggest anything , damned if you don't.
> 
> l'm talking to that girl l mentioned , l dunno how l'm going to suss out if it's who l think she might be .
> Some people just say nothing , does anyone else find that ? 4 emails , one line in each - get on with it you know for fk sake :lol:


I find that a few lines that show you actually read my profile work - I hate the lame compliments... I have gotten so many one liners that show they are just playing a fishing game.

I tend to like things that show they were drawn to my profile for a reason, like commenting on my Halloween costume pics or my dog in the photo or one of the vacation photos - one guy commented on my vegas picture and said he'd never been, was it fun, etc. That's a great way to start a conversation, shows he read my profile and looked at all of the pics and is interested in learning a bit about me but isn't writing a page and "selling" himself.

A couple of these back and forth exchanges are good. I've also run into a few that play a game that I like and quickly gets a few things out of the way because you can hide a few deal breakers and/or red flags in there. I call it "this or that". 

Paper or Plastic?
Beach or Mountains?
Sleep in or Up and at 'em?
Italian or Mexican?
My place or yours? 

We all know the world isn't black and white so there are always exceptions (especially to the sleep in or get up) but you get the idea. Get creative with it. You can suss out a lot about a persons' lifestyle in a fun, short way. After this ask to meet. 

And why don't you know if the girl is who you think she is? Do you mean is she sincere or do you mean she doesn't have a photo up and you think she is someone you already know?


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> My place or yours?


You little vixen!



bandit.45 said:


> I explained my current situation, that I was not looking for a relationship of any sort


Glad to hear you sorted that out, Bandit. Honesty is the best policy. See? Now you don't have to worry about that.

Unless she becomes a stage 5 clinger.

And speaking of, Social Media Guy keeps tagging me in his online posts with links to things that interest me (wine, shoes, etc). And he'll tag some other peeps in them, too (other women-- perhaps to try to make me jealous? I don't know). 
While this isn't a "new" thing, it's odd, considering everything.

He even called me yesterday. Yes, called. (I feel like nobody ever calls, everyone texts now. Anyone else feel this way?). He left me a voice message saying for me to call him back, that he'd be busy but he could "pick up" if I called.

Did not respond.

Kinda reminds me of this:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> You little vixen!




HAHA - did you actually save him in your phone as a Stage 5 Clinger? LOLOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Nope. But that is a funny idea!










I did tell you guys about how he was sending me sadface emoticons  saying "You haven't responded to me," right?


----------



## jpr

No, Bandit. I didnt get remarried....but, it is on the horizon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> You little vixen!
> 
> 
> 
> Glad to hear you sorted that out, Bandit. Honesty is the best policy. See? Now you don't have to worry about that.
> 
> Unless she becomes a stage 5 clinger.
> 
> And speaking of, Social Media Guy keeps tagging me in his online posts with links to things that interest me (wine, shoes, etc). And he'll tag some other peeps in them, too (other women-- perhaps to try to make me jealous? I don't know).
> While this isn't a "new" thing, it's odd, considering everything.
> 
> He even called me yesterday. Yes, called. (I feel like nobody ever calls, everyone texts now. Anyone else feel this way?). He left me a voice message saying for me to call him back, that he'd be busy but he could "pick up" if I called.
> 
> Did not respond.



Block him.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So.... Talking about weather and where you live? I take it no one is getting laid right about now.:rofl:


Why do you think I haven't posted since yesterday afternoon?


----------



## Pbartender

Dedicated2Her said:


> Block him.


----------



## unsure78

agree with the general consensus....block him


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> He even called me yesterday. Yes, called. (I feel like nobody ever calls, everyone texts now. Anyone else feel this way?).
> [/IMG]


Yesssssss no one calls anymore.... i was impressed that dudehat actually called me to set up a second date... i had forgot what it was like to talk to a guy on the phone.... i have been casually dating for like 10 months now, this is the first time in 10 months a guy called me after a date.... it was nice.


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> l dunno what your suppose to say in date site emails.
> Just reading through here and other places over the last few mths it's like your damned if you say to much , ask too much suggest anything , damned if you don't.
> 
> l'm talking to that girl l mentioned , l dunno how l'm going to suss out if it's who l think she might be .
> Some people just say nothing , does anyone else find that ? 4 emails , one line in each - get on with it you know for fk sake :lol:


Enjoli is right, talk about the these things that she says in her profile. Nothing is more annoying than a guy asking you something that you already answered in your profile. 

I, personally liked to see a few sentences from someone responding to my online ad. 

As for finding out if the woman is who think it is, just come out and ask "Hey you look familiar, is your family well known around town?" "Do you work at this place?" "I feel like I have seen you before." No need to stress about it.


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> Yesssssss no one calls anymore.... i was impressed that dudehat actually called me to set up a second date... i had forgot what it was like to talk to a guy on the phone.... i have been casually dating for like 10 months now, this is the first time in 10 months a guy called me after a date.... it was nice.


I always like to hear a mans voice before I go out with him. A good phone voice is very important  

It's a shame no one uses the actual telephone anymore.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Yesssssss no one calls anymore.... i was impressed that dudehat actually called me to set up a second date... i had forgot what it was like to talk to a guy on the phone.... i have been casually dating for like 10 months now, this is the first time in 10 months a guy called me after a date.... it was nice.


And doesn't that make you feel weird in a way? Have our expectations gotten so low that we don't even expect a phone call or is it just a sign of the times? Or both? 

Tbh, I rarely talk on the phone anyway. LOL. 

But I suppose when dating, one should keep expectations low... LOL. 

Did you and dude go out for coffee/lunch? How do you normally do your first dates, Unsure?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> And doesn't that make you feel weird in a way? Have our expectations gotten so low that we don't even expect a phone call or is it just a sign of the times? Or both?
> 
> Tbh, I rarely talk on the phone anyway. LOL.
> 
> But I suppose when dating, one should keep expectations low... LOL.
> 
> Did you and dude go out for coffee/lunch? How do you normally do your first dates, Unsure?


I am actually not a big phone talker either but its nice to show that they are interested enough to actually put in a bit more effort.

dudehat and i went on a 1 hr lunch date... hes is going on a businesses trip this weekend so he called saying that he would like to see me again before he goes on his trip. I was actually quite impressed by that... very thoughtful..... we are going to have another lunch date tomorrow, ya know single parent dating can be a bit of schedule juggling....

my first dates range if its a coffee or lunch date they only go for an hour usually... its its drinks/dinner on a frid/sat night average is 3 hrs... which one i pick usually depends on what free time i have/the guy has, also how interested i am in them


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> He even called me yesterday. Yes, called. (I feel like nobody ever calls, everyone texts now. Anyone else feel this way?). He left me a voice message saying for me to call him back, that he'd be busy but he could "pick up" if I called.
> 
> Did not respond.


Does this guy love rejection? I Don't get it. You have told him you are not interested, why keep trying. 

He must have some type of "wants what can't have" syndrome to the extreme. 

I agree with blocking if you don't feel like being extremely direct with him.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> my first dates range if its a coffee or lunch date they only go for an hour usually... its its drinks/dinner on a frid/sat night average is 3 hrs... which one i pick usually depends on what free time i have/the guy has, also how interested i am in them


Aww. That is nice that he wants to see you before he leaves. Does he have children, too? 

I like the way you set up your dates with the quick date first and then building on that.



vi_bride04 said:


> Does this guy love rejection? I Don't get it. You have told him you are not interested, why keep trying.
> 
> He must have some type of "wants what can't have" syndrome to the extreme.


It is truly bizarre. I have never witnessed someone I've rejected come at me like this, like how he is doing. Generally, people back off. Plus, he's like the antithesis to me. Once a guy doesn't respond to me or tells me he isn't into it, I disappear like a magician. I am anti-cling 100%. I was pretty upfront/direct with him about not wanting to go on a date with him again and not being "interested."

As annoying as he is, I don't want to block him on social media cause that seems...extreme, if that makes sense.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Aww. That is nice that he wants to see you before he leaves. Does he have children, too?


yes he has 3.... which is ok with me


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Does this guy love rejection? I Don't get it. You have told him you are not interested, why keep trying.
> 
> He must have some type of "wants what can't have" syndrome to the extreme.
> 
> I agree with blocking if you don't feel like being extremely direct with him.


I concur. You need to either be very direct - to the point of being cruel, as that's the only thing that will get your point across - or you need to block him. 

He's sucking up your time and energy. Obviously, his behavior is unhealthy for him, but it's not good for you, either.


----------



## unsure78

so anyone up to anything fun today?


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I concur. You need to either be very direct - *to the point of being cruel*


You are evil and I like it. 



unsure78 said:


> so anyone up to anything fun today?


Not "fun." I have a long day of lectures ahead of me.

I have discoverd a new show I am obsessed with though: HBO's True Detective. Anyone watching? It's really good.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> I went to see the deacon at my church about getting an annulment. We met for 1.5 hours. It was more difficult telling my story than I thought it was going to be.
> 
> I have been putting off the annulment because I didn't think I could emotionally handle replaying my story to someone again.
> 
> I replayed part of my story for him, and he helped me figure out what I should focus on in my narrative. It was hard. I did cry a bit throughout...especially when I discussed Sasquatch's (my ex's) depression issues, and how he told me that he "needed" his friendship with his Tart  because he was so depressed and suicidal--and it was 'so hard' for him transitioning to fatherhood. ...my brother committed suicide, and I was so afraid that Sasquatch was going to. Sasquatch actually cut himself at one point, and I really thought he was in danger of ending his life. So, I didn't stick up for myself at all. I just placated to all of his demands....and tried my best to compete with a 24 year old.
> 
> Man. I didn't think I would have such a hard time rehashing all that. But, it was hard. I am such a different person now, but as I was rehashing that I just felt incredibly sad for the person that I was. That was such a low time in my life.
> 
> Now, I have to write up a narrative for the annulment paperwork. I have spent a lot of time training my brain to stop rehashing things. I stopped focusing on the "should have beens" and started focusing on the future and enjoying the present. I really don't want to go back there...and recall all that happened. I guess it could be cathartic for some...but, I am past that.
> 
> 
> 
> I sort of wish I didn't delete my original thread in "Going Through Separation and Divorce".......I probably could have used that to recall the events of my divorce. Oh well.
> 
> I'll tackle it this weekend.


I am confused. You are divorced, right? What is the annulment for?? :scratchhead:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> It is truly bizarre. I have never witnessed someone I've rejected come at me like this, like how he is doing. Generally, people back off. Plus, he's like the antithesis to me. Once a guy doesn't respond to me or tells me he isn't into it, I disappear like a magician. I am anti-cling 100%. I was pretty upfront/direct with him about not wanting to go on a date with him again and not being "interested."
> 
> As annoying as he is, I don't want to block him on social media cause that seems...extreme, if that makes sense.


I would think one last text to him that says "I have told you nicely that I'm not interested. I'm not playing hard to get. I'm not interested and never will be. Don't expect any future acknowledgement of texts so save your time and don't."

And then if he texts you, ignore it. If he gets psycho, block him/delete him.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> I am confused. You are divorced, right? What is the annulment for?? :scratchhead:


I'm guessing this is a catholic thing? A religious annulment vs. a legal one?


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I am confused. You are divorced, right? What is the annulment for?? :scratchhead:


Means you can get married in a church again... kinda like that marriage never ever happened


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> I concur. You need to either be very direct - to the point of being cruel...
> 
> 
> 
> You are evil and I like it.
Click to expand...

Hey, you've made it clear to him, and he's still not getting the message. Some people only respond to absolute mean-ness.

And I prefer the term wicked


----------



## jpr

unsure78 said:


> Means you can get married in a church again... kinda like that marriage never ever happened


No. It is not like the marriage never happened. The deacon went into great detail about this with me. Catholics view marriage as a sacrament. So, an annulment would declare my marriage non sacrament due to some sort of fraud on one side. 

Sasqustch already told me that he would write a letter on my behalf stating that he never loved me, and that he just married me because his family told him he would be a fool not,to.

It deems the marriage non sacramental....meaning I could get married in the church again

I admit. Ive been having a crisis of faith lately....not sure what I believe anymore. But ultimately this is important to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> so anyone up to anything fun today?


Work. Going home. Eating leftovers. Play some Dance Central 3. Drink some wine and eat some cheese. 

The wine and cheese are slightly counter productive to losing weight but I got a delicious white cheddar cranberry that goes oh so good with my Michigan peach winter white wine!!!  I could just say no, but naaaaa life is too short to not have cheese with your wine


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> And I prefer the term wicked





EnjoliWoman said:


> I would think one last text to him that says "I have told you nicely that I'm not interested. *I'm not playing hard to get. I'm not interested and never will be. Don't expect any future acknowledgement of texts so save your time and don't."*


:rofl:



vi_bride04 said:


> Drink some wine and eat some cheese.
> 
> my Michigan peach winter white wine!!!  I could just say no, but naaaaa life is too short to not have cheese with your wine


Omg that sounds so good. Michigan peach tea? Splendid!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Work. Going home. Eating leftovers. Play some Dance Central 3. Drink some wine and eat some cheese.
> 
> The wine and cheese are slightly counter productive to losing weight but I got a delicious white cheddar cranberry that goes oh so good with my Michigan peach winter white wine!!!  I could just say no, but naaaaa life is too short to not have cheese with your wine


Leelanau Cellars? I was checking that out at the store the other day, almost bought some. You'll have to let me know how it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Leelanau Cellars? I was checking that out at the store the other day, almost bought some. You'll have to let me know how it is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude - best white wine ever. Leelanau Cellars is a great winery. 

The peach and the berry are THE BEST. Do not get the apple. It really clashes with the taste of the wine, leaves a bad after taste. 

I highly highly highly recommend this wine! And I know Meijers has it on sale right now, 2/$11 - great price! I think normally it is around $9 a bottle.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> so anyone up to anything fun today?


Work today---------crossfit and sex tonight.:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Work today---------crossfit and sex tonight.:smthumbup:


ahhh i would expect nothing else from you D2H....lol

im just going to eat chocolate as a replacement for sex... its almost as good


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> im just going to eat chocolate as a replacement for sex... its almost as good


Sometimes it's even better. 

But what am I talking about? I barely remember what The Sex is like. :crazy:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> ahhh i would expect nothing else from you D2H....lol
> 
> im just going to eat chocolate as a replacement for sex... its almost as good


Ummm....you have forgotten what good sex is.


----------



## Jellybeans

Damn STRAIGHT I have. 

I have forgotten what ANY sex is like.

I need someone to remind me.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Dude - best white wine ever. Leelanau Cellars is a great winery.
> 
> The peach and the berry are THE BEST. Do not get the apple. It really clashes with the taste of the wine, leaves a bad after taste.
> 
> I highly highly highly recommend this wine! And I know Meijers has it on sale right now, 2/$11 - great price! I think normally it is around $9 a bottle.


Oh I know about Leelanau Cellars lol. My exwife liked her some wine and Leelanau was popular for her. I always liked the winter white and the summer sunset.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Sometimes it's even better.
> 
> But what am I talking about? I barely remember what The Sex is like. :crazy:





Dedicated2Her said:


> Ummm....you have forgotten what good sex is.



lol... i have fairly recently had both very good sex and blah sex.... 

chocolate is better than blah sex (SA)..... but no way can even touch very good sex (killer)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> lol... i have fairly recently had both very good sex and blah sex....
> 
> chocolate is better than blah sex (SA)..... but no way can even touch very good sex (killer)


It's been 6 days......there has been major sexting going on. The crescendo is going to be a dang explosion. Yep, good sex on the way.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's been 6 days......there has been major sexting going on. The crescendo is going to be a dang explosion. Yep, good sex on the way.


heheheheh...that's so much fun... i loved doing that... 


who knows maybe dudehat will be a worthy candidate...hes a fit guy has a personal trainer, works out, but not one of my overly buff athletic guys..


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> heheheheh...that's so much fun... i loved doing that...
> 
> 
> who knows maybe dudehat will be a worthy candidate...hes a fit guy has a personal trainer, works out, but not one of my overly buff athletic guys..



overly buff is relative. If he exercises well and eats well, he can bring the "goods". maybe. lol


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> overly buff is relative. If he exercises well and eats well, he can bring the "goods". maybe. lol


lol we will see... he needs to make it past a date 2 with me anyway

though he does seem to be and interesting one, i will give him that...so far seems intelligent, successful, stable.. and divorced for over 2 years 

we will see..


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> Enjoli is right, talk about the these things that she says in her profile. Nothing is more annoying than a guy asking you something that you already answered in your profile.
> 
> I, personally liked to see a few sentences from someone responding to my online ad.
> 
> As for finding out if the woman is who think it is, just come out and ask "Hey you look familiar, is your family well known around town?" "Do you work at this place?" "I feel like I have seen you before." No need to stress about it.



Thanks lisa. Yeah you think , see l thought that'd be too internet personal too soon, they're all so cagey worrying about stalkers and crazies.
Anyway , l tried it and she's up in our main town 30 mins away so it might not be the one .
But , you'll laugh, she's turning me of already, wants to talk but sends 1 line each time, l'm bored already


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> I find that a few lines that show you actually read my profile work - I hate the lame compliments... I have gotten so many one liners that show they are just playing a fishing game.
> 
> I tend to like things that show they were drawn to my profile for a reason, like commenting on my Halloween costume pics or my dog in the photo or one of the vacation photos - one guy commented on my vegas picture and said he'd never been, was it fun, etc. That's a great way to start a conversation, shows he read my profile and looked at all of the pics and is interested in learning a bit about me but isn't writing a page and "selling" himself.
> 
> A couple of these back and forth exchanges are good. I've also run into a few that play a game that I like and quickly gets a few things out of the way because you can hide a few deal breakers and/or red flags in there. I call it "this or that".
> 
> Paper or Plastic?
> Beach or Mountains?
> Sleep in or Up and at 'em?
> Italian or Mexican?
> My place or yours?
> 
> We all know the world isn't black and white so there are always exceptions (especially to the sleep in or get up) but you get the idea. Get creative with it. You can suss out a lot about a persons' lifestyle in a fun, short way. After this ask to meet.
> 
> And why don't you know if the girl is who you think she is? Do you mean is she sincere or do you mean she doesn't have a photo up and you think she is someone you already know?



Thanks Enjoli.
So just while l think about it , do you think that works the same from the girls if they're only sending one liners , less ?

But nah it's not that , it's in a post earlier. long story but from her pics she looked like a local family that you really don't want to get involved with and - she also might know my ex too.

So l just wanted to know if it is her before she knows who l am .
Anyway , good news is l managed to suss her out and she's not who l thought. 
Bad news is she's pretty boring 
Good news is , l'm becoming quite pleased with my site now, new people keep coming in all the time :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> I find that a few lines that show you actually read my profile work - I hate the lame compliments... I have gotten so many one liners that show they are just playing a fishing game.
> 
> I tend to like things that show they were drawn to my profile for a reason, like commenting on my Halloween costume pics or my dog in the photo or one of the vacation photos - one guy commented on my vegas picture and said he'd never been, was it fun, etc. That's a great way to start a conversation, shows he read my profile and looked at all of the pics and is interested in learning a bit about me but isn't writing a page and "selling" himself.
> 
> A couple of these back and forth exchanges are good. I've also run into a few that play a game that I like and quickly gets a few things out of the way because you can hide a few deal breakers and/or red flags in there. I call it "this or that".


Its nice to know that other people view this the same way I do. I HATE getting messages from men that say, like, "hey cutie!" or "your hot!" or something along those line! (yes, "your" was on purpose!) Someone who may really be interested in you is going to write an actual sentence that pertains to what you posted in your profile, making a comment or asking a question. I dont respond otherwise.


----------



## Jellybeans

He messaged me asking me to go with him to a party downtown.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> He messaged me asking me to go with him to a party downtown.


Social media guy again? Seriously?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> He messaged me asking me to go with him to a party downtown.


"NO! I don't like you!!! Please stop asking me out on dates!!"


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Its nice to know that other people view this the same way I do. I HATE getting messages from men that say, like, "hey cutie!" or "your hot!" or something along those line! (yes, "your" was on purpose!) Someone who may really be interested in you is going to write an actual sentence that pertains to what you posted in your profile, making a comment or asking a question. I dont respond otherwise.


Im the same way 3x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> I always like to hear a mans voice before I go out with him. A good phone voice is very important
> 
> It's a shame no one uses the actual telephone anymore.




lt is , it is such a shame. l'm good on the phone or in person but with all the online suspicion stuff , l just don't know.
l just feel like saying hey can l just call you l hate this emailing bs.
But hey , apparently your too this or might be that if you just say that.
My site actually advises not to give out your phone number until at least 4 or 5 emails first , yawn :sleeping:

l did have one girl just said straight up , just call me l hate this emailing [email protected]
l thought yes , my kinda women.
She was too , unfortunately though she's at the other end of the country.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Its nice to know that other people view this the same way I do. I HATE getting messages from men that say, like, "hey cutie!" or "your hot!" or something along those line! (yes, "your" was on purpose!) Someone who may really be interested in you is going to write an actual sentence that pertains to what you posted in your profile, making a comment or asking a question. I dont respond otherwise.



Yeah right . l'm trying to use the approach you guys talk about.

But you know , every now and then too, just like in person , you see someone and in just everything they say it's blowing you away you know , like in a good way. l mean you hear them , you know exactly where they're coming from.

So should l show that a bit or should l just stay cool about that to start ?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> He messaged me asking me to go with him to a party downtown.


Just wondering how much it would cost to change your #? Just a thought.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yep! Social Media Guy. I think even blocking him would not deter him. I didn't know my Jelly spell was so lethal. I will have to be careful with how much I dole out on my future dates. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dre: i am not Changing my # because of him.It's a part of me. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Im the same way 3x
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol what did I write to you on Match when you winked at me? Something about how pretty you are! You were like "uh you should know by now that I don't respond to guys that say how pretty I am" ROFL 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Lol what did I write to you on Match when you winked at me? Something about how pretty you are! You were like "uh you should know by now that I don't respond to guys that say how pretty I am" ROFL
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep...then you said it was the first time you ever said that line...hahahha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Dre: i am not Changing my # because of him.It's a part of me. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm, if I were a programmer, seems like an idea for an app. That is send back message to make it look like your number has changed to blocked numbers.


----------



## vi_bride04

"If you can't respect me and my decision to not go out with you by continually asking me out, there is no need for us to continue talking"


----------



## unsure78

3x and vi any potential guys lately.... y you two have been quiet...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> 3x and vi any potential guys lately.... y you two have been quiet...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't been putting myself out there other than joining Tinder on Sunday. Actually have a "date" scheduled for Saturday...well more like a dinner and a conversation meet n greet, lol. Just going to meet people, see what happens. I have been enjoying not dating to be honest. Been really focusing on myself.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Yep...then you said it was the first time you ever said that line...hahahha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol it was honestly, on a first email I had never just blatantly told a woman that she is pretty and I haven't since. I kind of already knew you from TAM so I think I was just telling you that you are pretty and you shouldn't have a problem finding someone...or something like that...and for the record you are very pretty


----------



## jpr

When I was on match, I never responded to people who would message me and say, "You are hot." Or "you have a nice smile"

I required a bit more effort.


Oh. Wait. Never mind. I take that back....my bf just liked my photo on match and I initiated first contact. Hmmmmm...I think I was just in a mood that day. I guess that says something about all the rules we have for ourselves. Sometimes you just have to say "Frack it!" and try something new.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> When I was on match, I never responded to people who would message me and say, "You are hot." Or "you have a nice smile"
> 
> I required a bit more effort.
> 
> 
> Oh. Wait. Never mind. I take that back....my bf just liked my photo on match and I initiated first contact. Hmmmmm...I think I was just in a mood that day. I guess that says something about all the rules we have for ourselves. Sometimes you just have to say "Frack it!" and try something new.


I will initiate contact.. dont mind doing that at all

And you know me, I will bend my rules at times too ... but rules are a good guidlines to have too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Yeah. I don't think I would hit it off with someone who minded that I initiated contact.


----------



## Another Planet

If I don't have anything more then a stupid pickup line to say to a girl then I am obviously not interested enough to begin with. And I could care less for ONS so I am not preying the water. 
Those guys can have those girls that fall for that stuff, I'll stick to the ones that don't adhere to that nonsense.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> 3x and vi any potential guys lately.... y you two have been quiet...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been too ashamed to share. 

I have 3 guys I am currently talking with. I am only really feeling a connection with one, we have good conversations, but I am a little iffy on his looks. We havent met yet, and in all honesty my heart really isnt in it right now. Between trying to separate myself from old you-know-who, and having been with someone as beautiful as hard hat, I'm just....meh. My heart hurts, my pride hurts, I'm a mess.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been too ashamed to share.
> 
> I have 3 guys I am currently talking with. I am only really feeling a connection with one, we have good conversations, but I am a little iffy on his looks. We havent met yet, and in all honesty my heart really isnt in it right now. Between trying to separate myself from old you-know-who, and having been with someone as beautiful as hard hat, I'm just....meh. My heart hurts, my pride hurts, I'm a mess.


Why are you ashamed? Its ok... life is a journey not always a destination. ... we ALL do things that are not always the best decisions but if you learn something from it, it not a bad thing....

And yes we all love to give 2x4 here to try to help but we all understand as well... life is complicated
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

3x I still miss my exbf from last year... its been 10mnths since we broke up.. we only dated like a year... I still harbor feelings for him... I almost broke NC earlier this week... I miss him and I know he misses me. ...

But I stuck my hand one time too many in that fire. .. I just try to remember how much its hurt... if I resumed communication with him, I undoubtedly would get hurt again because I would want more than he is willing to give... so I stay NC.. and text my friends or come here instead...

You need to do the same with nochem...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Ok got it , no hots , no pretties .
Can l tellem l love their profile or a certain pic ?

True , found one or two where you just love what they've said and how they've said it or a certain pic .


----------



## whitehawk

This is funny being brand new to the online thing and not serious really. Open but certainly not bothered either way.

Anyway l got back to the girl l wanted to suss out and she was on so answered straight away - with one word 
She's sure not a talker even though she contacted me .
So we're going back and forth and she advanced to 3 and 4 words . l'm so bored l think oh l know l'll browse a bit between comebacks .

Next minute l've found three new ones but one really hit the spot . l emailed the first 2 but then became intrigued with the best one.
So l forget what the hell l'm doing and after reading her page again l'm thinking ,hmmm, gotta email her - now .
1 second before l start l get an email from her. She was reading my page while l was reading hers.
Next minute the first boring one sends back , then the other 2 new ones send back and l haven't even opened the email from the new one l was exited about yet.
l'm gonna get myself into trouble as usual here, l can feel it :rofl:

But , it picked the spirits and attitude up and l didn't open the special one , with all the others coming in at once . lf it doesn't rain it pours.
l thought l'd savor it and l'm going back in tonight , just for hers . Ha , she's probably told me to P off :rofl:

PS , meanwhile l completely forgot all about the original girl and went to bed .


----------



## Nsweet

Hello everyone.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Hello everyone.


Hello Nsweet! 
Any new news?


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Hello Nsweet!
> Any new news?


I gotta come back to McDonalds to talk to the manager tomorrow, maybe get a job here. 

I'm dieting right now. It sucks, but I gotta get a head start on it.


----------



## whitehawk

Good luck ns and hey , here's some inspiration .

My brother IL moved over from Malta and started working in Macs . He moved up and eventually bought one. Then he bought another one , then he bought 2 other food franchise .
No one knows for sure except my sister but we think his probably worth 30 or 40 million , maybe a lot more we're only guessing .
His main one is in the middle of a 4 million pop city .

He told me all this one day and said he started of making hamburgers fresh of the plane from Malta and all he owned was one suitcase.

Pretty incredible really .


----------



## moxy

So, I'm joining y'all on this thread because it was recommended. 

After way too long in isolation, I kinda hooked up with a hot neighbor. We've gotten together a couple of times, he flirts with me or checks me out when we run into each other nearby, and we occasionally text. But, things seem really, really open ended. I'm not seeking attachment, commitment, or romance, just more sex, but we'll see if I get that. After a long time without...geez, the libido has a mind of it's own, doesn't it? I feel like such a freak. :/

This is weird for me because, to be honest, in my heart, I think I'm still hung up on my ex. But...maybe my attraction to this dude is a sign that I'm trying to move on.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hi Moxy!!!!! 

Glad to see you on the other side, lol. 

This thread is fun


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Hi Moxy!!!!!
> 
> Glad to see you on the other side, lol.
> 
> This thread is fun


Good to see you, too.  

This thread does look like fun.


----------



## WhiteRaven

Single and loving it:smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been too ashamed to share.
> 
> I have 3 guys I am currently talking with. I am only really feeling a connection with one, we have good conversations, but I am a little iffy on his looks. We havent met yet, and in all honesty my heart really isnt in it right now. Between trying to separate myself from old you-know-who, and having been with someone as beautiful as hard hat, I'm just....meh. My heart hurts, my pride hurts, I'm a mess.


A little bit of a rambling response below:

Meet him. If you feel a connection, meet him. Its funny just how looks change when you get to know someone. I get the hesitation and being a little iffy on looks. I am in the very early stages of knowing someone and my perspective on his looks are shifting very rapidly. I am really enjoying our conversations and I love how he touches me. He is the complete opposite of my stbx. Who knows...it may all end in a trainwreck, but so far the ride is tremendous fun. 

But, I am not a mess. I should be, god knows. I am a recovering mess.  While my pride and heart hurts that someone could treat me so disrespectfully as my stbx did, I have a pretty solid understanding of myself and I am content with how I conducted myself in the marriage. That is empowering.

What you are doing is not working, right? Maybe time to switch it up and try something new.


----------



## Jellybeans

Looks shouldn't be everything (obviously, because character is more important) but I do think one should at least FEEL attracted to their potential mate/partner.

For me, if I am not attracted and d on't want to bang them, then yeah... it's not likely to go anywhere.

There's got to be *something.*

I wonder if on these dating sites/apps the men send the same message to every woman (to break the ice). For instance, on that dating app thing this guy sent me a message saying how "There's so much pressure to say the right thing. People should just go with it" and I could not help but wonder if he sends the same damn message to EVERYONE.

Hehehe. A funny:


----------



## WhiteRaven

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder if on these dating sites/apps the men send the same message to every woman (to break the ice). For instance, on that dating app thing this guy sent me a message saying how "There's so much pressure to say the right thing. People should just go with it" and I could not help but wonder if he sends the same damn message to EVERYONE.
> 
> [/IMG]


He might. It's like entering into a relationship and becoming upset when the guy says 'you are beautiful' because he might have already told the same to someone else before.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Looks shouldn't be everything (obviously, because character is more important) but I do think one should at least FEEL attracted to their potential mate/partner.
> *There's got to be *something.**
> 
> [/IMG]


Oh yes. For me, looks are probably number 4 on the list. Of course, I can't find them homely, but average and up...s'all good. Criteria 1-3 shifts the average into dreamy.

And, it works the other way too!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I mostly need to find appearance in the photo acceptable (they do need a photo or else I'm paranoid they are married or troll ugly) and then like what they have to say enough to meet and get that out of the way. If I enjoy talking to them, then it's on for date 2. If he goes for a kiss and I like it then I continue seeing him until I find something that is problematic.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> A little bit of a rambling response below:
> 
> Meet him. If you feel a connection, meet him. Its funny just how looks change when you get to know someone. I get the hesitation and being a little iffy on looks. I am in the very early stages of knowing someone and my perspective on his looks are shifting very rapidly. I am really enjoying our conversations and I love how he touches me. He is the complete opposite of my stbx. Who knows...it may all end in a trainwreck, but so far the ride is tremendous fun.
> 
> 
> What you are doing is not working, right? Maybe time to switch it up and try something new.


I do plan to go ahead and meet him at some point, he really does seem like a good guy. I just hate it though when you feel a connection when you are communicating but then when you actually meet face to face, there's NUTHIN.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> I do plan to go ahead and meet him at some point, he really does seem like a good guy. I just hate it though when you feel a connection when you are communicating but then when you actually meet face to face, there's NUTHIN.


THAT is exactly why I meet right away and I always have a reason to keep it short. I may meet for coffee before work (that's easy - gotta get to work) or drinks (meeting my BFF for dinner at 7 so only have an hour!) or desert after that dinner with BFF and need to get home to feed the dog/get to bed/etc. And of course lunch is easy.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder if on these dating sites/apps the men send the same message to every woman (to break the ice). For instance, on that dating app thing this guy sent me a message saying how "There's so much pressure to say the right thing. People should just go with it" and I could not help but wonder if he sends the same damn message to EVERYONE.
> 
> Hehehe. A funny:


When I was doing the on-line dating thing, I sent the same initial email to the ladies who interested me. The goal of the initial email was to simply get them to look at my profile. It seemed to work. On-line dating is a numbers game.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> THAT is exactly why I meet right away and I always have a reason to keep it short. I may meet for coffee before work (that's easy - gotta get to work) or drinks (meeting my BFF for dinner at 7 so only have an hour!) or desert after that dinner with BFF and need to get home to feed the dog/get to bed/etc. And of course lunch is easy.


I dont usually drag out the communication before meeting someone. This has been the most I have talked with someone before meeting since before I had my first date with NoChem, way back when. I have been waiting for him to suggest getting together but so far, no go just yet. :scratchhead:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

So me and my current girlfriend of 7 months recently took the Myers-Briggs personality test.

I'm INTJ, she's ESFJ. We're basically opposites, and one of the "least likely" matches for our personality types.

Anyone else have a successful relationship with an opposite personality-type?


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been waiting for him to suggest getting together but so far, no go just yet.


Why not just ask him out?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yeah, just say "Enough of this chit-chat. Let's meet for _____"


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Why not just ask him out?


Because I am not doing that any more. Me initiating things in my past has resulted in nothing but failure. so I have changed the way I approach things.


----------



## Another Planet

Online dating is a numbers game? :/
Isn't that along the same lines of thinking as if you sleep with every woman in the bar you'll find the right one sooner or later?
I'm a quality over quantity kind of guy myself. 
I guess I kind of see your point but going down the list of women who look hot and saying the same pick up line to all of them just to see if one bites is like.....I don't know how to explain it it just doesn't seem appealing to me.


----------



## Another Planet

ThreeStrikes said:


> So me and my current girlfriend of 7 months recently took the Myers-Briggs personality test.
> 
> I'm INTJ, she's ESFJ. We're basically opposites, and one of the "least likely" matches for our personality types.
> 
> *Anyone else have a successful relationship with an opposite personality-type?*


No, I have been cheated on in every relationship I have been in with extroverts. 
They are just never happy in the end, always want more. Go out 2-3 times per week, meet all their friends and relatives, start doing new things that you absolutely hate.....and in the end it is never enough.
But I suppose there were other factors at play also. I am sure it could work out with the right match but I am personally done stretching myself out thin to please an extrovert. 

I am also an INTJ by the way.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Another Planet said:


> Online dating is a numbers game? :/
> Isn't that along the same lines of thinking as if you sleep with every woman in the bar you'll find the right one sooner or later?
> I'm a quality over quantity kind of guy myself.
> I guess I kind of see your point but going down the list of women who look hot and saying the same pick up line to all of them just to see if one bites is like.....I don't know how to explain it it just doesn't seem appealing to me.


Comparing fvcking around to sending an opening email? LOL! Really?

I'm sure it's not for everyone.

Worked for me, though. It's impossible to come up with a personalized opening email when you don't know the other person. I tried it at first, you know. Commenting on the lady's profile, blah blah blah. Poor results.

But what it comes down to is getting the other person to look at your profile.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

That's why I don't like labels. I come up with different results at different times in my life. I love going out and doing things and being around people like hosting a cookout on occasion but I'm not the 'life of the party' type, either and if i had an SO I'd be content doing stuff with them most of the time. But I don't want someone who just wants to sit in front of the TV or hole up in the shop.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yeah, just say "Enough of this chit-chat. Let's meet for _____"


(fill in the blank)

Slurpees
Coffee
Sex

?


----------



## Another Planet

Yes really. In my opinion the opening has already happened without even saying a word. Your profile should already be eliminating the majority of people who wouldn't be interested or you wouldn't be interested in. So now you have the ability to choose between the finalists and visa versa.
It isn't like what you have to do IRL, you don't have to break the ice it's already broken you know that there is a possibility it might work. Just not my cup of tea to play a numbers game with women I guess. What do you tell her if she asks what made you attracted to her profile and not others? "Oh nothing you were the only one that answered to my pick up line".....


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Because I am not doing that any more. Me initiating things in my past has resulted in nothing but failure. so I have changed the way I approach things.


Aww, I can understand why you may want to "lean back" a bit but I don't think it would hurt if you sent out a flirty message saying "So, are we going to keep talking or actually meet sometime?" That way you are flirting, telling him you'd be open to it, but essentially putting the ball in HIS court to ask you out.

Whether or not you do this I think has no bearing on whether it'd work out or not. That is too much pressure for dating anyway. At this point, you are just getting to know this person. 

But then, if you subscribe to the fact that only he should do the asking... then you could be a cynic and think, well if he's not asking me out, he's just not that into me and stop reaching out to him altogether.

Choose your own adventure.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Choose your own adventure.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Another Planet said:


> Yes really. In my opinion the opening has already happened without even saying a word. Your profile should already be eliminating the majority of people who wouldn't be interested or you wouldn't be interested in. So now you have the ability to choose between the finalists and visa versa.
> It isn't like what you have to do IRL, you don't have to break the ice it's already broken you know that there is a possibility it might work. Just not my cup of tea to play a numbers game with women I guess. What do you tell her if she asks what made you attracted to her profile and not others? "Oh nothing you were the only one that answered to my pick up line".....


Actually, I was always honest and said "You fit my "search" criteria. And I liked your pic".

Quality women on on-line dating sites rarely initiate contact. They are inundated by messages from men. So if you're a man, and hoping to meet a quality woman by simply having a profile, then you are in for some frustrating times.

I'm speaking from my own experience, of course. In about 3 months of being on Match, I met several quality ladies. And my current girlfriend. The reality is you have to go through some numbers (first meets, dates, etc) before you will find a good match.


----------



## Jellybeans

ThreeStrikes said:


> Quality women on on-line dating sites rarely initiate contact. They are inundated by messages from men. So if you're a man, and hoping to meet a quality woman by simply having a profile, then you are in for some frustrating times.


What makes a "quality" woman?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Jellybeans said:


> What makes a "quality" woman?


For me, a mix of: physical attractiveness and fitness (I have high standards), good career, non-smoker, and doesn't want any more kids. Also, she needed to live within an hour's drive.

My current gf?: an exotic hottie, makes good income and has a net worth in 7 figures, non-smoker, with two teenage kids who are tops in their respective class. 45 minute drive.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> What makes a "quality" woman?


She knows when to take life seriously but does not necessarily take her life seriously all the time, i.e. she has to have that balance between having a sense of humor and just simply knowing when it is time to be an adult

Compassionate as well as passionate (not necessarily as a sign of weakness but of strength)

steadfast in their words and values.

Like a good musical piece - knowing where the sound fits in but understanding that the rest are just as important (communicating but also understands that 75% of communication is non-verbal )

There is more that I could share, but I think these are the high points for me. Oh wait, I married her


----------



## Another Planet

ThreeStrikes said:


> Actually, I was always honest and said "You fit my "search" criteria. And I liked your pic".
> 
> Quality women on on-line dating sites rarely initiate contact. They are inundated by messages from men. So if you're a man, and hoping to meet a quality woman by simply having a profile, then you are in for some frustrating times.
> 
> I'm speaking from my own experience, of course. In about 3 months of being on Match, I met several quality ladies. And my current girlfriend. The reality is you have to go through some numbers (first meets, dates, etc) before you will find a good match.


Yep I know.


----------



## Another Planet

Here's one of those silly psyche tests I got on FB

Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively.

1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?

4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size.

5. Is your dream house open, or surrounded by a fence?

6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table.

7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)?

8. What do you do with the cup?

9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it ?

10. How will you cross the water?

This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows.

1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You'd prefer people to not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person from number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person in number 1.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.


----------



## Another Planet

Here's my answers...kind of funny

Myself
Squirrel 
Visual
Castle
Fence
Large table, etiquette set
Ceramic
Nothing
Stream
Bridge


----------



## Ikaika

Oh I forgot, one more thing that makes for a quality woman (for me personally), she can hula (I am Hawaiian at heart). 

John Cruz - Hi'ilawe live with Wainani Kealoha - YouTube


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Here's one of those silly psyche tests I got on FB
> 
> Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively.
> 
> 1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?


Alone -- I'm finally prioritizing myself after years of self-sacrifice for the sake of my marriage.



> 2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?


Bunny or a frog. Good to know my problems are small.



> 3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?


Observe patiently, until it hops away. I am apparently willing to wait out my problems. (This reminds me of a funny story my mom tells about me when I was potty-training. I'll spare you that one...)



> 4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size.


My dream house is a cozy cottage. I've never needed a lot of space, I like to keep things simple. 
(I think this means I go for simple, realistic solutions... )



> 5. Is your dream house open, or surrounded by a fence?


Open, but there are probably some landscaping features that create well-defined boundaries 



> 6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table.


Sunflowers, wine, and books. Yes, I'm generally a happy person.



> 7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)?


Ceramic. Who says ceramic is fragile? There are pots in museums that are LITERALLY 1000s of years old.



> 8. What do you do with the cup?


Pick it up, wash it, and find a good use for it. Like holding change. Or buttons,



> 9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it ?


A creek. 



> 10. How will you cross the water?


Stepping stones, or... wade right in 

Well, that was interesting... more accurate than I was expecting, but not completely accurate.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm a psychologists nightmare.

1. I am by myself.

2. Bobcat

3. It gets low, yeows at me then turns and runs.

4. About medium.

5. No fence, just clearing

6. A table runner with a bowl in the center - I *think* it had fruit in it but I'm not certain as I went to the next section because you said do it quick and don't think too much! 

7. Ceramic tea cup

8. This I was uncertain of. I wasn't going to do anything, then I picked it up and looked around for a place to set it down.

9. Small lake/big pond

10. Why do I have to cross it? I was just standing there enjoying the view! (Does that mean I just want to LOOK at a naked man and do nothing with him???? Or savor? Ah the questions!) Then I figured if I HAD to do something I'd go around it. We didn't discuss the season and water temperature!


----------



## Lon

1. My current gf
2. A deer (a doe)
3. I look at it, it looks at me then looks the other way and meanders off
4. Slightly above average
5. No fence
6. Place settings and a center piece
7. Styrofoam
8. Wanted to chew it
9. A smallish slew (more like a recently flooded low lying grassy area)
10. Like Enjoli I didn't want to cross it but if I did my first thought was to just trudge through it, but then I figured a canoe would be better


----------



## unsure78

ok that was a FANTASTIC date... dudehat had me laughing my a$$ off....


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> This has been a relational psychology test. The answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives. The analysis follows.
> 
> 1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.
> 
> 2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.
> 
> 3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).
> 
> 4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.
> 
> 5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You'd prefer people to not drop by unannounced.
> 
> 6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers then you are generally unhappy.
> 
> 7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with the person from number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.
> 
> 8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person in number 1.
> 
> 9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
> 
> 10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.


1. My dogs
2. A deer
3. We stare at each other for a second then it runs away when my dogs start barking
4. Cape cod style with 2 stories or a loft
5. Open
6. Vase of flowers in the middle of table on a nice lace table cloth, 4 chairs in front of a big bay window
7. White ceramic cup on a saucer with blue flowers
8. Pick it up and examine it
9. Inland lake surrounded by forest 
10. Kayak


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> ok that was a FANTASTIC date... dudehat had me laughing my a$$ off....


That's awesome! Laughing is always good!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*

1. My late father

2. A Fox

3. I ask the Fox, "What does the Fox say?" It makes a variety of non animal like sounds.

4. Four bedroom, open concept with a walk out basement.

5. Yes.

6. A gorgeous women, nekked.

7. Paper

8. I burn it and toss it into the breeze.

9. Large pond.

10. I have my dream house behind me and a gorgeous women nekked on my dining room table. Why would I cross? On second thought, I'm going back into the house!



On a side note; I quoted AP and scrolled up to see the questions. It wasn't until I went to delete the quote that I saw what my replies had "meant".

I got a good laugh out of this.


----------



## bravenewworld

That test was fun! My problems are apparently the size of a cat and my sexuality is a swim in the ocean! :smthumbup:

Had a really fun date last night with Swedish Chef as I've dubbed him. We went out for coffee which turned into dinner which turned into a nightcap. We got to know a bit more about each other and laughed a lot. Ended with a kiss and plans to meet up next week! He was very gentlemanly - offered me his jacket when it got cold, held open doors, paid. etc. I love it when a guy has old-fashion manners. 

Thanks for the advice regarding my stage 5 clinger. I sent him a text saying I was not ready to date and he wrote back he understood. Easy peasy. From now on trusting my gut and not going out with people giving off strange/mixed signals.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL I make one little change to my profile and within an hour I have 3 likes and 2 winks and I'm not to sure how many views because that's kind of weird sometimes but looks like around 10. 
To bad the cute ones are so far away, pushing an hour is just to far.
Couple smoking hot cougars rarrrhhh! And a couple youngings...looking to get hitched...
The rest of the night should be interesting.
Bah and like half of them are Aquarius's! How the heck do they find me!!! 0_o


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> No, I have been cheated on in every relationship I have been in with extroverts.
> They are just never happy in the end, always want more. Go out 2-3 times per week, meet all their friends and relatives, start doing new things that you absolutely hate.....and in the end it is never enough.
> But I suppose there were other factors at play also. I am sure it could work out with the right match but I am personally done stretching myself out thin to please an extrovert.
> 
> I am also an INTJ by the way.


This kind of cracked me up. I am another INTJ* and my stbx is an ENTJ. You described it to a T.

*fairly low on the I, so I can fake it. But it is exhausting.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> This kind of cracked me up. I am another INTJ* and my stbx is an ENTJ. You described it to a T.
> 
> *fairly low on the I, so I can fake it. But it is exhausting.


Yeah same here, I am pretty low on the introvert but it still uses up energy to be in social settings compared to gaining it. I can only sustain it for so long. 
My ex wife HAD to always be interacting with someone, if someone isn't with her she is on the phone...working, driving, cooking, cleaning, eating, even in the bathroom doing the deed on the phone...that's fckd up in my opinion


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I just took this yesterday, so its pretty funny this came up today! I am ISFJ. My introversion was 78%! lol!


----------



## unsure78

Im an ISTJ but my introversion is pretty low....so like fenix, I can fake it well but it drains me after a while
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

I think most people who do well on message boards are Is.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

3Xnocharm said:


> I just took this yesterday, so its pretty funny this came up today! I am ISFJ. My introversion was 78%! lol!


I took it again, and this time my introvert was 89%! Holy cow, lol!


----------



## Another Planet

Which test are you guys taking?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

The Jung Typology test, its a personality test. Here is the one I used:

Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory


----------



## Another Planet

Leverage Your Personality Type

INTJ all the way...Which is interesting because I haven't taken the test in at least 6months and I figured something would change.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Leverage Your Personality Type
> 
> INTJ all the way...Which is interesting because I haven't taken the test in at least 6months and I figured something would change.


I was ESFJ when married, I took it 2 yrs into marriage I think.

I retook it over the summer and now am ESFP. Reading the descriptions of both I am definitely not the ESFJ anymore. Interesting how experiences can change a person.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah I even joined an INTJ forum at one point last year and talking to those people was like having a discussion with myself it was surreal. Both my sisters tested as INTJ also. 
With a 12% thinking it looks like I am on the cusp of feeling and thinking. Definitely an interesting take on things.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol found this:


----------



## Fenix

vi_bride04 said:


> I was ESFJ when married, I took it 2 yrs into marriage I think.
> 
> I retook it over the summer and now am ESFP. Reading the descriptions of both I am definitely not the ESFJ anymore. Interesting how experiences can change a person.


Or not.  I have never ever gotten anything but INTJ. The percentages do shift though.


----------



## unsure78

I have actually been administered the myers briggs thru work... but when I would do the online tests I would always get istj as well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Fenix said:


> Or not.  I have never ever gotten anything but INTJ. The percentages do shift though.


I've almost always scored as an INTJ... I usually end up very strong on the I & T, and barely over the edge on N & J.

According to the Keirsey temperament sorter, that makes me a Mastermind with Architect, Crafter, and Inspector tendencies.

And that really does sum up the basics of my personality and motivation... Planning, designing, building, exploring.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> I've almost always scored as an INTJ... I usually end up very strong on the I & T, and barely over the edge on N & J.
> 
> According to the Keirsey temperament sorter, that makes me a Mastermind with Architect, Crafter, and Inspector tendencies.
> 
> And that really does sum up the basics of my personality and motivation... Planning, designing, building, exploring.


Ditto.

But depending on my mood, I can answer some things more socially and come out an ENTJ. 

I don't know if that makes me well balanced or indecisive!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok so........

On that phone dating app thing, you can set your 'age preference' so I started to play around with it. I entered Grandpa's age into it and ya know what... MOST (like 98% of the men his age) that came up on there looked old to me! Which is funny cause Grandpa never seems to look old to me; to me, he is hot. Is that just because of blinders? LOL.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so........
> 
> On that phone dating app thing, you can set your 'age preference' so I started to play around with it. I entered Grandpa's age into it and ya know what... MOST (like 98% of the men his age) that came up on there looked old to me! Which is funny cause Grandpa never seems to look old to me; to me, he is hot. Is that just because of blinders? LOL.


JB what app are you using?


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ditto.
> 
> But depending on my mood, I can answer some things more socially and come out an ENTJ.
> 
> I don't know if that makes me well balanced or indecisive!


I hear you... On those personality tests there are a lot of questions that I have a hard time answering, because they're too black-and-white and I want to answer something completely different halfway in between.

Which, of course, just reinforces the accuracy of the results I got.  

http://keirsey.com/4temps/mastermind.aspx
http://keirsey.com/4temps/architect.asp
http://keirsey.com/4temps/crafter.asp
http://keirsey.com/4temps/inspector.asp


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yeah, it's hard to say you are an introvert while posting a pic of you dancing and dipping your partner!


----------



## Another Planet

Us introverts are not anti social we just deplete energy in social setting instead of gain it. It can be an absolute chore just to go to a gathering, and sometimes with the right company it is nice and easy.


----------



## Another Planet

I woke up this morning longing to kiss someone...kind of strange to have such an urge and not be able to fulfill it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Us introverts are not anti social we just deplete energy in social setting instead of gain it. It can be an absolute chore just to go to a gathering, and sometimes with the right company it is nice and easy.


I know I am definitely an extrovert - social settings always leave me feeling recharged! The more people I talk to, the more charged I feel. I think thats why I love my meetup group so much, I just feel great leaving there after having conversations with 15-20 different people. 

Tonight I got a 10+ friend gathering at a local brewery and tomorrow a fancy smancy black tie fundraiser thing with a gf. Going to get all fancied up and flirt with some rich older men. HA!!!


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yeah, it's hard to say you are an introvert while posting a pic of you dancing and dipping your partner!





Another Planet said:


> Us introverts are not anti social we just deplete energy in social setting instead of gain it. It can be an absolute chore just to go to a gathering, and sometimes with the right company it is nice and easy.


Exactly.

I am an introvert, but I grew up in a big, close family. I enjoy being around people. I socialize easily. I've never had a problem meeting new people and making new friends and acquaintances.

But my circle of close friends is very small, and social situations that involve large groups are *exhausting*... For me, it's like running an mental marathon.


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> I grew up in a big, close family. I enjoy being around people. I socialize easily. I've never had a problem meeting new people and making new friends and acquaintances.
> 
> But my circle of close friends is very small, and social situations that involve large groups are *exhausting*... For me, it's like running an mental marathon.


You sound like me! This is just how I am!



3Xnocharm said:


> JB what app are you using?


Skout. And I haven't messaged any of the dudes back. LOL. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> Yeah, it's hard to say you are an introvert while posting a pic of you dancing and dipping your partner!


Yeah..some of the pics people put up are really funny on these things! One guy had a pic of him and a woman (um, wtf)? One had a picture of his dog and superimposed his face into the dog's mouth; one had a picture of him doing the "westside" gang sign; one is of a guy in front of a bunch of expensive cars (that probably aren't his--haha); one is of a guy at the gym on his bench press.


----------



## lisab0105

So, a few of you have mentioned wanting to volunteer in some way to the dating site I am building for betrayed spouses (ALMOST DONE!! Whew) so I thought I might try and recruit some of you for a project for it. 

I am making a commercial/video intro for the site and it will also be on youtube, so please of coarse, only participate if you are comfortable with this. It will be used to advertise the site on Facebook, twitter and other avenues. 

I need however many people as I can get to make a short video of themselves. In it, give me your name, a short description of your LoveFool story ( (how you were brutally d*cked over in your relationship). Add any or all of the following as well: what you are looking for in a new partner, what you think your best feature is, what your favorite feature about a man/woman, what you think is a great date, bad date, any weird talents you have, best joke in your arsenal...anything that shows personality. You will get extra points for giving me your best dance party (see Greys Anatomy :smthumbup. If any one wants to make cute LoveFoolSingles.com or My LoveFool story signs, that would be awesome too! 

Any one that wants to participate will get free membership (of coarse) when the site goes live. If you want your images edited out in the future, just say the word. 

If you want help a girl out  please submit to [email protected]

Site is still under construction, so don't check it just yet... but the facebook and twitter are up and running as of this week. 
https://www.facebook.com/lovefoolsingles
https://twitter.com/LoveFoolSingles

Thanks guys...very excited. :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Someone is never going to get laid lol, do people actually expect a positive response with profiles like this? :scratchhead:
You don't like mac'n'cheese?! Well I don't like people who don't know the difference between "there" and "their"...

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Im interested in talking with a mature guy!

Things I Dont Like..........

Cats
People who dont use there turn signal
Cigarettes
Mac&Chesse

You will have to contact me to find out what I do like 
Im not going to tell the story of my life.........."


----------



## Jellybeans

Lisa, I am not partial to putting a video up of myself online but want to wish you success in your new online dating site endeavor! I remember when you first started talking about it/how you wanted to create one. Kudos!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Someone is never going to get laid lol, do people actually expect a positive response with profiles like this? :scratchhead:
> You don't like mac'n'cheese?! Well I don't like people who don't know the difference between "there" and "their"...
> 
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> "Im interested in talking with a mature guy!
> 
> Things I Dont Like..........
> 
> Cats
> People who dont use there turn signal
> Cigarettes
> Mac&Chesse
> 
> You will have to contact me to find out what I do like
> Im not going to tell the story of my life.........."


This is funny, AP! You would be amazed at the number of men who have profiles out there that are ANGRY about having to fill out a profile! :scratchhead: If you dont want to do it, then get the hell off the site! I saw one profile last night where the guy used one of Val Kilmer's fat pictures as his profile pic! WHY would you do that??


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> *Someone is never going to get laid* lol, do people actually expect a positive response with profiles like this? :scratchhead:
> You don't like mac'n'cheese?!
> 
> _Things I Dont Like..........
> 
> Cats
> People who dont use there turn signal
> Cigarettes
> Mac&Chesse
> _
> You will have to contact me to find out what I do like
> Im not going to tell the story of my life.........."


:rofl: That is so funny! And right? Who doesn't like mac&cheese? Also, since my wish is to get laid, i will be SURE to steer clear of saying similar things. Bwahahahahaha!

AP, what happened to the girl who was 2 yrs older than you/the one you were going to go on a jog with?


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Someone is never going to get laid lol, do people actually expect a positive response with profiles like this? :scratchhead:
> You don't like mac'n'cheese?! Well I don't like people who don't know the difference between "there" and "their"...
> 
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> "Im interested in talking with a mature guy!
> 
> Things I Dont Like..........
> 
> Cats
> People who dont use there turn signal
> Cigarettes
> Mac&Chesse
> 
> You will have to contact me to find out what I do like
> Im not going to tell the story of my life.........."


She's annoying already...I hate the ones that say "If you want to know something, ask."


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Lisa, I am not partial to putting a video up of myself online but want to wish you success in your new online dating site endeavor! I remember when you first started talking about it/how you wanted to create one. Kudos!


I totally understand 

Thanks doll!!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: That is so funny! And right? Who doesn't like mac&cheese? Also, since my wish is to get laid, i will be SURE to steer clear of saying similar things. Bwahahahahaha!
> 
> AP, what happened to the girl who was 2 yrs older than you/the one you were going to go on a jog with?


Nothing...yet I guess. I just can't keep up with the messaging without being able to meet. There is only so much I can talk about until we interact in person multiple times. 
It is just one of those situations where it might be best to wait a little while until both our lives(my life) settles down(which will be never). I am just to busy with work and when I do have down time she is working or has her kids...
I do really like her and we have just a TON in common, just with us talking I can totally see us in a long term relationship. I wish we could just break the seal cause after that interacting is so much easier.
It's ok, I am in no rush and I am not going anywhere anytime soon...and she has no competition.


----------



## Jellybeans

Why don't you just ask her out?


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> She's annoying already...I hate the ones that say "If you want to know something, ask."


She also has no profile picture...

Uh oh multiple views in the last day from the same girl...someone is interested


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Why don't you just ask her out?


I did for this weekend! I had to cancel because of this storm coming up and I sooo don't want to do that to her over and over again because of my stupid work. I would hate for someone to do that to me so I refuse to keep doing that to her. 
Maybe I can lock her down for Sunday night but that is her birthday so ehh kind of intruding on personal space in my opinion. 

I'm pretty sure it will happen when it is suppose to.


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so........
> 
> On that phone dating app thing, you can set your 'age preference' so I started to play around with it. I entered Grandpa's age into it and ya know what... MOST (like 98% of the men his age) that came up on there looked old to me! Which is funny cause Grandpa never seems to look old to me; to me, he is hot. Is that just because of blinders? LOL.


This is too funny!

I am at the age that guys are really starting to look old. They really run the gamut from hot and sporty to grizzly old fart.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> This is too funny!
> 
> I am at the age that guys are really starting to look old. They really run the gamut from hot and sporty to grizzly old fart.


Yeah, the 40's really can go either way! I have seen profiles of men who are 41 and look well over 50, and some who are like 48 and look 38!


----------



## In_The_Wind

I don't know about dating sites as far as the results, I have been on a few dates and there are some psycho folks out there !!!! That being said I do have great stories to tell though LOL I mean I can see why some folks probably just need to stay single opps i didnt say that did I


----------



## Jellybeans

Nice to see you, IntheWind. You have to share some of your stories with us!



Fenix said:


> I am at the age that guys are really starting to look old. *They really run the gamut from hot and sporty to grizzly old fart*.


:rofl: Fenix, how old are you?



3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, the 40's really can go either way! *I have seen profiles of men who are 41 and look well over 50*, and some who are like 48 and look 38!


:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

So dudehat has asked me out again for next weekend.. to do something "fun"..... im very curious to see what he is going to plan....

Ladies and gentlemen of tam singles, this one may be a real deal... no expectations but yea this one is different
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> So dudehat has asked me out again for next weekend.. to do something "fun"..... im very curious to see what he is going to plan....
> 
> Ladies and gentlemen of tam singles, this one may be a real deal... no expectations but yea this one is different
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:yay: Good for you


----------



## FeministInPink

Pbartender said:


> Exactly.
> 
> I am an introvert, but I grew up in a big, close family. I enjoy being around people. I socialize easily. I've never had a problem meeting new people and making new friends and acquaintances.
> 
> But my circle of close friends is very small, and social situations that involve large groups are *exhausting*... For me, it's like running an mental marathon.


I feel the exact same way. People are always like, "FiP, you're such an extrovert! You're so outgoing and friendly!"

That doesn't mean I'm an extrovert, it just means I'm friendly. I'm a friendly introvert. We do exist. (I'm not a unicorn, for chrissakes.)


----------



## Another Planet

Vi this is the other radiation leak you were talking about? I haven't had time to check into it in depth I just caught this article.
13 Workers Exposed To Radiation At N.M. Nuclear Waste Dump : The Two-Way : NPR


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dropping a line to wish everyone a happy weekend!!


----------



## angelpixie

RandomDude said:


> Lol found this:


----------



## unsure78

Hahahahahaha.... slow hat just randomly texted me... hoping I was doing ok and saying Hi...... whaaaaaat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I don't think I have ever had a woman make me a sandwich other then my mother that I didn't pay for. If you voluntarily do something nice for me don't worry there is a good chance you get it back in super spades!!!

And I can always tell when a man or a woman has been at my house because the man leaves both the seat and lid up and the woman leaves the lid up.....both equally disgusting in my opinion. You flush the toilet and that nasty water vapors go all over the bathroom, GROSS!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I don't think I have ever had a woman make me a sandwich other then my mother that I didn't pay for. If you voluntarily do something nice for me don't worry there is a good chance you get it back in super spades!!!
> 
> *And I can always tell when a man or a woman has been at my house because the man leaves both the seat and lid up and the woman leaves the lid up.....both equally disgusting in my opinion. You flush the toilet and that nasty water vapors go all over the bathroom, GROSS!!!*
> 
> 
> 
> OMG THIS! lol!! I am fanatical about CLOSING the toilet!
Click to expand...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Vi this is the other radiation leak you were talking about? I haven't had time to check into it in depth I just caught this article.
> 13 Workers Exposed To Radiation At N.M. Nuclear Waste Dump : The Two-Way : NPR


Yes, that story broke a couple days ago...


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Another Planet said:
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think I have ever had a woman make me a sandwich other then my mother that I didn't pay for. If you voluntarily do something nice for me don't worry there is a good chance you get it back in super spades!!!
> 
> *And I can always tell when a man or a woman has been at my house because the man leaves both the seat and lid up and the woman leaves the lid up.....both equally disgusting in my opinion. You flush the toilet and that nasty water vapors go all over the bathroom, GROSS!!![*/QUOTE]
> 
> OMG THIS! lol!! I am fanatical about CLOSING the toilet!
> 
> 
> 
> I know right! I never understood the whole toilet seat down man woman argument...they are both wrong put the seat AND lid down
Click to expand...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Hahahahahaha.... slow hat just randomly texted me... hoping I was doing ok and saying Hi...... whaaaaaat?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg! Did you respond?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

They always come back! Why is that? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I like tinder ...that is all


----------



## Another Planet

Man..... a friend/associates 6yr old son just passed away. I was just talking to him for the last hour or so ... Funeral is tomorrow. He's in the same industry as me but a lot bigger operation, he doesn't know what to do...I couldn't imagine.


----------



## Ikaika

Another Planet said:


> Man..... a friend/associates 6yr old son just passed away. I was just talking to him for the last hour or so ... Funeral is tomorrow. He's in the same industry as me but a lot bigger operation, he doesn't know what to do...I couldn't imagine.



That is tough, so sorry to hear. Send him Aloha.


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> That is tough, so sorry to hear. Send him Aloha.


Yep thanks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I&index=4&list=PL1cin08tyci4U4ZUqWHO_M2aGDXkG_-n9


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> I do plan to go ahead and meet him at some point, he really does seem like a good guy. I just hate it though when you feel a connection when you are communicating but then when you actually meet face to face, there's NUTHIN.




Yeah l had this the other night . The girl l was trying to suss out and she was only replying with 3 and 4 words.
So with only 3 and 4 words a time l'm thinking this is bs but as she loosened up they turned into paragraphs and l really started to like her.

So we rang but as soon as l heard her voice l knew it was a dead duck.
We talked for an hour or so but really l was having interest trouble , just nothing there for me .

Real nice girl though , hard life too. l hope nice things for her in the future .


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> I like tinder ...that is all


It's fun right? Totally prefer low-key stuff like that over the nine-million questionnaire on e-harmony. True story: One time I was on a flight and a commercial for e-harmony had just played advertising the success story of this "happy" couple. Turns out they were sitting two rows in front of me, fighting nonstop! 

Been working since 5:30 this morning - now relaxing with a glass of wine and some snoring cats. Exciting Friday! Swedish chef is texting me gourmet pictures of food from his kitchen. Loving the food porn. 

Meanwhile, I had Bagel Bites with hot sauce for dinner. :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> They always come back! Why is that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Nothing else going on so they try touching base again .


----------



## vi_bride04

At the e-vet....dog is extremely sick...


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> I like tinder ...that is all


l wanna check that -edit- out.

oops , sorry vi l didn't see about your dog, bad choice of words.


----------



## jpr

Oh no, VI!

How is your pup?


----------



## unsure78

bravenewworld said:


> It's fun right? Totally prefer low-key stuff like that over the nine-million questionnaire on e-harmony. True story: One time I was on a flight and a commercial for e-harmony had just played advertising the success story of this "happy" couple. Turns out they were sitting two rows in front of me, fighting nonstop!
> 
> Been working since 5:30 this morning - now relaxing with a glass of wine and some snoring cats. Exciting Friday! Swedish chef is texting me gourmet pictures of food from his kitchen. Loving the food porn.
> 
> Meanwhile, I had Bagel Bites with hot sauce for dinner. :rofl:


Lol brave you are my kinda girl...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Omg! Did you respond?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sigh I did.... slow has the record for guy being most deleted guy from my phone... we caught up a little... lol he asked if I was married yet... I laughed and told him sa lasted like 2 weeks...

Its ok I like dudehat... but slow is funny he makes me laugh... im surprised he actually texted me, we really got into it last time, he pissed me off... eh hes still amusing

And yes I realize I said I wasnt going to talk to him again but if im going to break better with him than the exbf....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Oh no, VI!
> 
> How is your pup?


Whats wrong with the pup VI?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

My ex stopped by yesterday to take the kids to a funfest thing at their school and it was immediate arguing from everyone me her the kids, it was crazy. To go from from nice level moderate temperature to that?! I can't believe I lived like that for so long.
Anyway it reminded me of this my brilliant aunt sent me last year when I was going through the mess of my divorce. I was honestly clueless about high tension type of people and wasn't aware I was in a relationship with one.

http://www.highconflictinstitute.co...ail&utm_term=0_781f46a913-f04ae067d4-31264625


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> At the e-vet....dog is extremely sick...



Sorry to hear. I really hope your dog will be fine. They are Ohana after all. I know our dog is our family.


----------



## vi_bride04

No, I put him down. I couldn't afford surgery and didn't want him to suffer. Blockage or twisted intestines...the vet thought the latter. $2k just to go in to see, price would go up from there. 

I had a dog growing up that the same thing happened to. Even with surgery ($3k) he ended up dying. So much trauma and stress and confusion with going that route...I just didn't want my boy to suffer anymore.

I can't stop crying and only on a couple hours of sleep. Khloe keeps running from room to room looking for him.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> No, I put him down. I couldn't afford surgery and didn't want him to suffer. Blockage or twisted intestines...the vet thought the latter. $2k just to go in to see, price would go up from there.
> 
> I had a dog growing up that the same thing happened to. Even with surgery ($3k) he ended up dying. So much trauma and stress and confusion with going that route...I just didn't want my boy to suffer anymore.
> 
> I can't stop crying and only on a couple hours of sleep. Khloe keeps running from room to room looking for him.



I'm so sorry to hear, but totally understand your decision. 

Sending you warm Aloha. Malama pono.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> No, I put him down. I couldn't afford surgery and didn't want him to suffer. Blockage or twisted intestines...the vet thought the latter. $2k just to go in to see, price would go up from there.
> 
> I had a dog growing up that the same thing happened to. Even with surgery ($3k) he ended up dying. So much trauma and stress and confusion with going that route...I just didn't want my boy to suffer anymore.
> 
> I can't stop crying and only on a couple hours of sleep. Khloe keeps running from room to room looking for him.


So sorry to hear that Vi


----------



## unsure78

Sorry Vi .. thats always so very hard...hugs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Ohhhh,vi. I am so sorry. I understand your decision too...it is so hard to make the right decisions for our pups ...But, I truly believe we know what the right thing to do is when the time comes....in our hearts.


I am so sorry for your loss.


----------



## 06Daddio08

It was a hard "in the moment" decision and it wasn't an easy one, but you made the right one. Allow yourself to grieve and make sure you're taking care of yourself as well. 

Don't forget to get those workouts in, you might not be into it but it will help you on a lot of ways.


----------



## Fenix

vi_bride04 said:


> No, I put him down. I couldn't afford surgery and didn't want him to suffer. Blockage or twisted intestines...the vet thought the latter. $2k just to go in to see, price would go up from there.
> 
> I had a dog growing up that the same thing happened to. Even with surgery ($3k) he ended up dying. So much trauma and stress and confusion with going that route...I just didn't want my boy to suffer anymore.
> 
> I can't stop crying and only on a couple hours of sleep. Khloe keeps running from room to room looking for him.


Oh, I am so sorry.


----------



## Another Planet

Hmm not sure what she is doing here...:/
I better get this girl on a date, she is getting antsy I can read between the lines!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> My ex stopped by yesterday to take the kids to a funfest thing at their school and it was immediate arguing from everyone me her the kids, it was crazy. To go from from nice level moderate temperature to that?! I can't believe I lived like that for so long.
> Anyway it reminded me of this my brilliant aunt sent me last year when I was going through the mess of my divorce. I was honestly clueless about high tension type of people and wasn't aware I was in a relationship with one.
> 
> Skills Before Decisions: Can Difficult Clients Learn Decision-Making Skills? - High Conflict Institute



Yeah right , it was a pretty volatile [as they say ] thing was it.
When we see each other now it's just stupid but for the opposite . We still just easy talk and chat away, it's like we still are except we aren't. l dunno if it's a good or bad thing .
At least your reminded anyway , l reckon that can be pretty handy in these times.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah right , it was a pretty volatile [as they say ] thing was it.
> When we see each other now it's just stupid but for the opposite . We still just easy talk and chat away, it's like we still are except we aren't. l dunno if it's a good or bad thing .
> At least your reminded anyway , l reckon that can be pretty handy in these times.


She was pissed at me because her sister ditched her and doesn't want anything to do with her because of what she did but still will talk to me a couple times per week... temper tantrum basically


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Hmm not sure what she is doing here...:/
> I better get this girl on a date, she is getting antsy I can read between the lines!



Which one , the one that started texting a wk or 2 back ?
l had the strangest thing the other night with that one l needed to suss out.
lt was nothing bad really just really weird, she was really forward type thing.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Which one , the one that started texting a wk or 2 back ?
> l had the strangest thing the other night with that one l needed to suss out.
> lt was nothing bad really just really weird, she was really forward type thing.


No I've been talking to her for a while now, since like Christmas. We have definitely hit it off just can't seem to meet up, it's the dumbest thing but oh well.
I texted her tonight to make sure she is doing something for her birthday, otherwise I was going to invite her out. Anyway she says she has a couple friends coming over and anyone who knocks is invited :scratchhead: hmm... 
Then asks what I am up to and I tell her making dinner then I have to work in the morning...she says she is ditching her bday party to come eat dinner with me(jokinglyish)... I tell her ok I always make a lot for left overs...she responds with


----------



## bravenewworld

Big hugs vi! It's always hard to put down a pet, even when we know it will end their suffering. So sorry for your loss.


----------



## whitehawk

She sounds nice , fun. :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

Met a girlfriend for coffee this AM and she was talking about how much she loves being married - her SO and her hold hands 24/7, talk on the phone whenever she's driving, do 95% of their activities together as a couple, etc. etc...

I was nodding, listening, smiling. I'm happy she's happy. But honestly? The whole thing to me sounded EXHAUSTING. I feel like I'm so not cut out for marriage anymore. When I'm in my car - I want to listen to an audio book! Not talking to someone I just saw ten minutes ago. Also, I don't want to be glued to someone else's hand! I like to swing my arms when I walk. 

I swear I don't think I'm bitter - I've just had a taste of living for myself and I'm really, really enjoying it! Even being a little lonely sometimes seems more preferable than turning a "me" into a "we." 

Anyone else feel similarly?


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Hmm not sure what she is doing here...:/
> I better get this girl on a date, she is getting antsy I can read between the lines!


Def get on it AP! Met a guy recently who seemed really cool. We were communicating a lot via text & phone but it was just taking too long to sync our schedules and I stopped responding. 

My bad, I know. But it just seemed like a sign it wasn't meant to be and I totally lost interest.


----------



## moxy

Just met a superhot editor of a press who: liked my mouth, thought my calling card was sexy, invited me to stay in touch, and asked me to email him so he could get me out of the slush pile for a bit of personal attention. Aesthetically passionate, linguistically dexterous, physically attractive, and very friendly. I'm not sure whether I wanna do him or do the sensible thing and send him my best work, lol. Fair enough, I want both. My brain won out of course and I remained professional. I'm having a good weekend, though.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Met a girlfriend for coffee this AM and she was talking about how much she loves being married - her SO and her hold hands 24/7, talk on the phone whenever she's driving, do 95% of their activities together as a couple, etc. etc...
> 
> I was nodding, listening, smiling. I'm happy she's happy. But honestly? The whole thing to me sounded EXHAUSTING. I feel like I'm so not cut out for marriage anymore. When I'm in my car - I want to listen to an audio book! Not talking to someone I just saw ten minutes ago. Also, I don't want to be glued to someone else's hand! I like to swing my arms when I walk.
> 
> I swear I don't think I'm bitter - I've just had a taste of living for myself and I'm really, really enjoying it! Even being a little lonely sometimes seems more preferable than turning a "me" into a "we."
> 
> Anyone else feel similarly?


OMFG yes!!!!!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Def get on it AP! Met a guy recently who seemed really cool. We were communicating a lot via text & phone but it was just taking too long to sync our schedules and I stopped responding.
> 
> My bad, I know. But it just seemed like a sign it wasn't meant to be and I totally lost interest.


Yeah this is my schedule though and if it doesn't work for her nothing I can do about it. I am very non-intrusive and in my opinion if it doesn't work now it won't work later, tired of a relationship expending all of my resources.


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Yeah this is my schedule though and if it doesn't work for her nothing I can do about it. I am very non-intrusive and in my opinion if it doesn't work now it won't work later, tired of a relationship expending all of my resources.


I totally hear you. Enjoying hanging out with Swedish Chef because he works 70+ hours a week, like me. Seeing someone 1x per week + flirty texting is plenty as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> I totally hear you. Enjoying hanging out with Swedish Chef because he works 70+ hours a week, like me. Seeing someone 1x per week + flirty texting is plenty as far as I'm concerned.


Yes!!! I work a lot and have kids, she works a good 40+ and has kids...honestly if we met up a couple times a week if that I would be happy!


----------



## jpr

I used to be like that.... where I only wanted to see the man I was dating four or five times a month.


But, now....well. Things have changed. I now want more....and need more


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Met a girlfriend for coffee this AM and she was talking about how much she loves being married - her SO and her hold hands 24/7, talk on the phone whenever she's driving, do 95% of their activities together as a couple, etc. etc...
> 
> I was nodding, listening, smiling. I'm happy she's happy. But honestly? The whole thing to me sounded EXHAUSTING. I feel like I'm so not cut out for marriage anymore. When I'm in my car - I want to listen to an audio book! Not talking to someone I just saw ten minutes ago. Also, I don't want to be glued to someone else's hand! I like to swing my arms when I walk.
> 
> I swear I don't think I'm bitter - I've just had a taste of living for myself and I'm really, really enjoying it! Even being a little lonely sometimes seems more preferable than turning a "me" into a "we."
> 
> Anyone else feel similarly?



Glad they're happy but yeah l wasn't very good at so much togetherness either. l'm a pretty spacey person and l often thought l shouldn't even be married.
Now , maybe somewhere 50/50 would be nice , fkd if l know


----------



## moxy

So, I went to an awesome party tonight. My friend mixed me a crazy strong drink and I am very drunk right now. Everyone else was, too, but this is highly unusual for me. Things got kinda intense. I almost went back to the hotel with two very hot guys. One of them (a friend) is married and his wife wants a threesome with me (he says); the other one that I just met (so hot!), is hung up on his ex and kept finding ways to compare me to her before inviting me out very provocatively. God, the temptation. Common sense prevailed and I left to go dancing with three gals I kinda know/just met instead. Eventually, two of them went to the hotel hot-tub and I declined; one of them was still dancing when I left, but really wanted me to join her. I'm being really candid because, like I said, I'm inebriated. I'm going to feel like hell tomorrow. I've been in this crazy hermit mode for like two and a half years, so being out there like this feels kinda intense. Since I did not go home with anyone, I keep wanting to text my hot neighbor (and, secretly, also my ex); however, drunk texting dudes is not going to make me look like a reasonable person and might make me look foolish.

I'm sitting in the lobby and just trying to shake this mood before I got to bed. Gotta catch a flight in like 3 hours, but I'm afraid if sleeping through it. Seriously, being drunk (something I've not done in a very long time) creates a troublesome mood. :/


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> No I've been talking to her for a while now, since like Christmas. We have definitely hit it off just can't seem to meet up, it's the dumbest thing but oh well.
> I texted her tonight to make sure she is doing something for her birthday, otherwise I was going to invite her out. Anyway she says she has a couple friends coming over and anyone who knocks is invited :scratchhead: hmm...
> Then asks what I am up to and I tell her making dinner then I have to work in the morning...she says she is ditching her bday party to come eat dinner with me(jokinglyish)... I tell her ok I always make a lot for left overs...she responds with


Yep, you need to ask her out. Make the time.


----------



## Jellybeans

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, Vi. That is awful.  I am sending you a big virtual hug and warm thoughts for your dog. All dogs go to heaven and I am sure your pup is in a better place now.

I am glad Tinder is working for you. 



unsure78 said:


> Sigh I did.... slow has the record for guy being most deleted guy from my phone... we caught up a little... lol he asked if I was married yet... I laughed and told him sa lasted like 2 weeks...
> 
> Its ok I like dudehat... but slow is funny he makes me laugh... im surprised he actually texted me, we really got into it last time, he pissed me off... eh hes still amusing


He still has got you on the brain. Too bad he could never put that stuff to actual action! If he did, he could totally be your 'in-between' guy. Haha. In-between relationships. Did you guys ever fool around? 

I am feeling quite blue-balled after having made out with that one guy (you know who I mean) and then nada. Dammit! To be left hanging sucks.



bravenewworld said:


> Met a girlfriend for coffee this AM and she was talking about how much she loves being married - her SO and her hold hands 24/7, talk on the phone whenever she's driving, do 95% of their activities together as a couple, etc. etc...
> 
> I was nodding, listening, smiling. I'm happy she's happy. But honestly? The whole thing to me sounded EXHAUSTING. I feel like I'm so not cut out for marriage anymore.
> 
> I swear I don't think I'm bitter - I've just had a taste of living for myself and I'm really, really enjoying it! Even being a little lonely sometimes seems more preferable than turning a "me" into a "we."
> 
> Anyone else feel similarly?


I hear you and I feel you. I understand. This is how I feel. It does sound EXHAUSTING and time-consuming. And co-dependent as hell. I have a cousin who when her husband travels, they sleep with their skype on the PC facing eachother so they can "watch eachother sleep." That is creepy to me. It just seems so freakish. The more time that goes by, the less I remember what it was like to be married, and the more it sounds tiring. Also, I really do not think marriage is for everyone. 



bravenewworld said:


> Enjoying hanging out with Swedish Chef because he works 70+ hours a week, like me. Seeing someone 1x per week + flirty texting is plenty as far as I'm concerned.


That does sound perfect.

See eachother a bit, have some good conversation, sex, and cuddle time--and then they go to their home or I go to mine. That is my ideal relationship. Seriously.

I've been traveling a bit this weekend and just got home so I am enjoying a bit of wine.

Does anyone know why AnonPink and Lyris were banned? Seems odd, especially after some really weird recent events here at TAM. There is an influx of strange here.


----------



## unsure78

No we never fooled around... only one kiss on the lips and some cuddling. ..



Dont know why they are banned
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh, so you got blue-balled, too?


----------



## Dollystanford

Rise of the trolls thread claimed a few victims today


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah, I saw that. And it's totally suspect. All this ish, all of a sudden, coinciding with the timing of some other 'new' things going on here.  So seemingly see-through.


----------



## Another Planet

Uh oh! Someone starting some drama elsewhere on TAM? 
Wait there's other parts of TAM other then the singles thread?
Honestly haven't ventured out of here in forever. I came here about my marriage and now that's over so now I am single and hanging with the singles!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, I saw that. And it's totally suspect. All this ish, all of a sudden, coinciding with the timing of some other 'new' things going on here.  So seemingly see-through.


 whats the other new stuff... like Another I dont venture out to far of this thread usually unless I have a good reason
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you and I feel you. I understand. This is how I feel. It does sound EXHAUSTING and time-consuming. *And co-dependent as hell.* I have a cousin who when her husband travels, they sleep with their skype on the PC facing eachother so they can "watch eachother sleep." That is creepy to me. It just seems so freakish. The more time that goes by, the less I remember what it was like to be married, and the more it sounds tiring. Also, I really do not think marriage is for everyone.
> 
> *See eachother a bit, have some good conversation, sex, and cuddle time--and then they go to their home or I go to mine. That is my ideal relationship. Seriously.*
> 
> Does anyone know why AnonPink and Lyris were banned? Seems odd, especially after some really weird recent events here at TAM. There is an influx of strange here.


I hear you regarding codependency. I need to explore why marriage (to me) seems so inherently co-dependent. Out of all the couples I know only 2-3 function well as both a couple and autonomously. One of my friends won't even leave her neighborhood now unless her husband or someone else is doing the driving. And I know several men who seem to have forgotten how to feed themselves. Seriously, if their wives don't cook or bring home food they either "starve" or eat an entire bag of chips dinner.  

And this is coming from an a girl who has been known to have a root beer float for dinner! But at least I don't complain or blame anyone else for my bad diet. In fact, I'm usually quite pleased with myself. 

I agree about he ideal relationship - I know some people meet their soulmate right after D but I am more looking for companionship while I continue developing a good relationship with myself. That was definitely missing from my first marriage and I don't want to become lost like that again.

Didn't hear about the bannings - have noticed a few weird threads popping up. There was one especially that played out like a "Breaking Bad" episode. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Even got me for a bit until I realized it was troll time. :banghead:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you and I feel you. I understand. This is how I feel. It does sound EXHAUSTING and time-consuming. And co-dependent as hell. *I have a cousin who when her husband travels, they sleep with their skype on the PC facing eachother so they can "watch eachother sleep."* That is creepy to me. It just seems so freakish. The more time that goes by, the less I remember what it was like to be married, and the more it sounds tiring. Also, I really do not think marriage is for everyone.


Are you kidding me?! That right there is messed up! That is defiantly not healthy


----------



## Another Planet

So me right now after working 15hrs today...


----------



## moxy

Another Planet -- that's awesome.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I have also missed the weirdness, evidently. Can someone point the way to those threads?


----------



## Nsweet

Hello everyone.


----------



## whitehawk

First up , gee l don't know what's happened with my date site but they're coming out of the wood work from all over the place .

There's a big lesson in this, for me anyway.
You know l've been pretty down on the online thing till a bout a wk ago. Not that l'd even seriously tried it before then. But one l wasn't ready and two , anytime l did sneak in for a lookie around ldk , pretty off vibe , people .
But it just goes to show , they change pretty quickly. People come and go , new ones , old ones , whole new choices.

l had a back log now 6 or 7 and just checked my email 30mis ago and there's another girl that's got back to me from 2 wks back when l said hi. l've only had time to talk to and meet 2 in the last wk and could've easily hooked up. And totally different types to to even just a few wks ago when l first joined. lt's really encouraging .
So it does just go to show you know , don't take it too seriously and if it's seeming total bs , just take some time out and give it a few wks , check back.

Picks up the spirits if nothing else :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Anyway , on a brighter note , l'm goin in :smthumbup:

Gonna start on tackling the backlog tonight . Might be married again by the end of the wk :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

You know what , now this is depressing but. The average time single l've found for women in their 40s on date sites , mine anyway , is 10 - 13 yrs . That is a fkg long time isn't it.

Gotta wonder if after being alone that long, they could even hold down a relationship ?


----------



## RandomDude

Screw relationships, speaking of the amount of available ladies these days, I call it "V day disillusion", and as an any good capitalist -> I have fully capitalised on the situation thus far muwhahahahahha 

FWBs for the WIN!!!


----------



## moxy

RandomDude, FWB situations feel so freeing after intensely difficult relationships, don't they? That's what It seems like to me.


----------



## RandomDude

Haha wait 'till the drama hits though, I have a few spare tires just in case one goes bust!


----------



## Another Planet

Lol @whitehawk...
Just wait dude till the crazies come after you, you will think again about how good it is 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Haha wait 'till the drama hits though, I have a few spare tires just in case one goes bust!


ROFL I can only imagine the mess I would get myself into knowing my past... I think I might just skip out on that phase.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you and I feel you. I understand. This is how I feel. It does sound EXHAUSTING and time-consuming. And co-dependent as hell. I have a cousin who when her husband travels, they sleep with their skype on the PC facing eachother so they can "watch eachother sleep." That is creepy to me. It just seems so freakish.


While it may not be for everybody, I don't think this sort of thing is as co-dependent and freakish as it may seem, JB. In fact, it's common advice for couples who are in long-distance relationships or for couples where one of the two often travels.

It's a way to feel together, even while you are apart.

It sounds freakish only because of our collective histories... We have become so used to living with someone who doesn't want to be with us that the thought of someone who does feels utterly alien to us.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Pbartender said:


> While it may not be for everybody, I don't think this sort of thing is as co-dependent and freakish as it may seem, JB. In fact, it's common advice for couples who are in long-distance relationships or for couples where one of the two often travels.
> 
> It's a way to feel together, even while you are apart.
> *
> It sounds freakish only because of our collective histories... We have become so used to living with someone who doesn't want to be with us that the thought of someone who does feels utterly alien to us.*


:iagree: This! Personally I would love to have the kind of relationship where my partner is that attached to me. While I do think that you need some activities all your own, I think having someone who wants to be with you and show you affection above anything else, and where you feel the same toward them, is the kind of relationship that I am seeking.


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> While it may not be for everybody, I don't think this sort of thing is as co-dependent and freakish as it may seem, JB. In fact, it's common advice for couples who are in long-distance relationships or for couples where one of the two often travels.
> 
> It's a way to feel together, even while you are apart.
> 
> It sounds freakish only because of our collective histories... We have become so used to living with someone who doesn't want to be with us that the thought of someone who does feels utterly alien to us.





3Xnocharm said:


> :iagree: This! Personally I would love to have the kind of relationship where my partner is that attached to me. While I do think that you need some activities all your own, I think having someone who wants to be with you and show you affection above anything else, and where you feel the same toward them, is the kind of relationship that I am seeking.


Interesting perspective...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Lol @whitehawk...
> Just wait dude till the crazies come after you, you will think again about how good it is
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Haha , yeah your probably right AP. Give me somem to look forward to :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

A women messaged me "Hi" a couple days ago on Match...I'm not interested so move along...well today she messaged me again with a "*HEELLLLLOOOOO?!*"
Are you kidding me wtf?! Weirdos....anyways I guess it did make me check her profile out, BUT...

"I do drive my own vehicle and live in an apartment with my furry children. While some things that I use to do are not as easy as they use to be..that includes skydiving, rock climbing, bunge jumping, rollercoasters, water slides, riding horses...like I said, pretty much anything that sounds fun! Let me know what you think!

*If you're looking for a hook up, I'm not your woman. If you're going to ask me when the last time was that I got laid, what size bra I wear or if I enjoy different sexual acts, I find that incredibly disrespectful, so don't bother to message me, I'm not interested. Also, it goes without saying, if you're going to ask me for "sexy" pics or send me pics of your tiny wang, don't waste my time, move on to the next profile. And I’m not looking for a sugar daddy who says he can buy me nice things and fly me to exotic places in exchange for sexual acts, do not message me. Lastly and MOST importantly, if you're not patient move one already.*

Good luck to you and message me if you're interested!"

ROFL :rofl::lol:


----------



## Dollystanford

Red flag 1) 'furry children'


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> While it may not be for everybody, I don't think this sort of thing is as co-dependent and freakish as it may seem, JB. In fact, it's common advice for couples who are in long-distance relationships or for couples where one of the two often travels.
> 
> It's a way to feel together, even while you are apart.
> 
> It sounds freakish only because of our collective histories... We have become so used to living with someone who doesn't want to be with us that the thought of someone who does feels utterly alien to us.



In all seriousness , you are right Pb. My ex and l did a lot of what some might think were clingy or too much. We just use to miss each other .
lt was actually pretty sad in our last few years as l noticed all that was changing a lot with us .


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> Red flag 1) 'furry children'


Yeah whats up with that? lol

I considered the first red flag as when I ignored her message she messages back "HEELLLLOOOO" as in "why aren't you paying attention to me?"


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> A women messaged me "Hi" a couple days ago on Match...I'm not interested so move along...well today she messaged me again with a "*HEELLLLLOOOOO?!*"
> Are you kidding me wtf?! Weirdos....anyways I guess it did make me check her profile out, BUT...
> 
> "I do drive my own vehicle and live in an apartment with my furry children. While some things that I use to do are not as easy as they use to be..that includes skydiving, rock climbing, bunge jumping, rollercoasters, water slides, riding horses...like I said, pretty much anything that sounds fun! Let me know what you think!
> 
> *If you're looking for a hook up, I'm not your woman. If you're going to ask me when the last time was that I got laid, what size bra I wear or if I enjoy different sexual acts, I find that incredibly disrespectful, so don't bother to message me, I'm not interested. Also, it goes without saying, if you're going to ask me for "sexy" pics or send me pics of your tiny wang, don't waste my time, move on to the next profile. And I’m not looking for a sugar daddy who says he can buy me nice things and fly me to exotic places in exchange for sexual acts, do not message me. Lastly and MOST importantly, if you're not patient move one already.*
> 
> Good luck to you and message me if you're interested!"
> 
> ROFL :rofl::lol:



l want her :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Yeah whats up with that? lol
> 
> I considered the first red flag as when I ignored her message she messages back "HEELLLLOOOO" as in "why aren't you paying attention to me?"



But l had to laugh because the other night l was kik'ing a friend and we haven't spoken for ages , great girl and a real classic.
But l wondered of for minute to make something to eat and when l picked up the phone again it says - and SOOOO !
This is her all over but in a nice , funny way .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> RandomDude, FWB situations feel so freeing after intensely difficult relationships, don't they? That's what It seems like to me.



But RD was gonna fork out 5k only a few wks ago to find one - what happened RD ?


----------



## Another Planet

Soooo weird why favorite me?! Creeps me the fck out!
This is what I want to say to the majority of these girls that wink, email, message, favorite, me...

"Listen why don't you just spend the next month or two getting harassed by all the other men maybe you'll get a date and meet someone nice who knows. Get all that **** out of your system then if you are still interested lets talk."

Plus you live like 3-4hrs away seriously wth is that about? You seriously think there isn't a man better then me somewhere in between us that you should be focusing on?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Soooo weird why favorite me?! Creeps me the fck out!
> *This is what I want to say to the majority of these girls that wink, email, message, favorite, me...
> 
> "Listen why don't you just spend the next month or two getting harassed by all the other men maybe you'll get a date and meet someone nice who knows. Get all that **** out of your system then if you are still interested lets talk."*
> 
> Plus you live like 3-4hrs away seriously wth is that about? You seriously think there isn't a man better then me somewhere in between us that you should be focusing on?


Sooo, you DONT want women to be interested?? :scratchhead: I'm confused.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Sooo, you DONT want women to be interested?? :scratchhead: I'm confused.


Of course I want women to be interested, a lot of the attention just seems out of desperation. I don't know how to explain it, it's just how the vibe is coming out as.

I am kind of done with games. If I am going to put any effort into even starting a relationship with someone I want to be sure that other baggage is out of the way. I so don't need any more problems in my life.
When it is natural and organic it flows and is not forced. I have felt that enough in my life to know that is where it's at!


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> Of course I want women to be interested, a lot of the attention just seems out of desperation. I don't know how to explain it, it's just how the vibe is coming out as.
> 
> I am kind of done with games. If I am going to put any effort into even starting a relationship with someone I want to be sure that other baggage is out of the way. I so don't need any more problems in my life.
> When it is natural and organic it flows and is not forced. I have felt that enough in my life to know that is where it's at!


I don't get it, either. :scratchhead: Why are you using an online dating service if you don't want a woman to "like" a photo or send you an email.

No offense, but you seem a little judgmental. Some may judge you are desperate and pathetic for using an online dating site. It is not desperate...they are just interested in getting to know you better. It is fun to banter back and forth with new people...if you don't think it is fun, or are not interested right now--well...then maybe you shouldn't be on that site?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I agree with Another Planet on the 3-hour away thing. Unless the guy is moving to this area, which he should put in his profile, then it's sort of silly to contact someone that is interested in people within a 25-mile radius.

Either they didn't read my profile of they are hoping to hit up a little out-of-town action so they can continue with their in-town action (or that's the impression they leave on me).

As to marking favorites - I'm fine with that because that's just like bookmarking a website. To me that just says when they are ready to send a message, they'll double-check my profile and compose one but meanwhile they are sort of making one of the people that most appeal to them.


----------



## jpr

It is the online world--there are always a few crazies out there. ....and they tend to come out in full force when they are able to hide behind a keyboard. 

But, from my limited experience, online dating can be a lot of fun---if you have the right attitude.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> A women messaged me "Hi" a couple days ago on Match...I'm not interested so move along...well today she messaged me again with a "*HEELLLLLOOOOO?!*"
> Are you kidding me wtf?! Weirdos....anyways I guess it did make me check her profile out, BUT...
> 
> "I do drive my own vehicle and live in an apartment with my furry children. While some things that I use to do are not as easy as they use to be..that includes skydiving, rock climbing, bunge jumping, rollercoasters, water slides, riding horses...like I said, pretty much anything that sounds fun! Let me know what you think!
> 
> *If you're looking for a hook up, I'm not your woman. If you're going to ask me when the last time was that I got laid, what size bra I wear or if I enjoy different sexual acts, I find that incredibly disrespectful, so don't bother to message me, I'm not interested. Also, it goes without saying, if you're going to ask me for "sexy" pics or send me pics of your tiny wang, don't waste my time, move on to the next profile. And I’m not looking for a sugar daddy who says he can buy me nice things and fly me to exotic places in exchange for sexual acts, do not message me. Lastly and MOST importantly, if you're not patient move one already.*
> 
> Good luck to you and message me if you're interested!"
> 
> ROFL :rofl::lol:


To be honest, those kind of disclaimers are necessary on some dating sites. The mail women get is perverted and unnecessary. Most of the time, the disclaimers don't even work. I would have one and have had one in past.


----------



## Another Planet

I am so misunderstood...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Of course I want women to be interested, a lot of the attention just seems out of desperation. I don't know how to explain it, it's just how the vibe is coming out as.
> 
> I am kind of done with games. If I am going to put any effort into even starting a relationship with someone I want to be sure that other baggage is out of the way. I so don't need any more problems in my life.
> When it is natural and organic it flows and is not forced. I have felt that enough in my life to know that is where it's at!


Someone marking as a favorite is desperation? What is a game to you exactly? They like your profile, they like your pic they message and favorite you. That is the way online dating works. Of coarse you are not obligated to reply back, though most people who get up the nerve to message an attractive member would appreciate a "Thank you, but I am not interested." 

Just because they are not beautiful to you or say something you are not keen too in their profile, does not make them desperate. 

And as far as baggage? With all do respect, AP...We all have it. Even the hottie you are talking too right now has it. You may not know all of it, but she does. So the does the hottie you are going to be talking to after her. Hell, so do you. You are a single dad, a very young dad at one point. You are divorced and you work a million hours a week and barely have time for the dating you are trying to do. You have your fears about dating and hang ups about the type of woman you want to date. That is called baggage. Time to embrace it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Of course I want women to be interested, a lot of the attention just seems out of desperation. I don't know how to explain it, it's just how the vibe is coming out as.
> 
> I am kind of done with games. If I am going to put any effort into even starting a relationship with someone I want to be sure that other baggage is out of the way. I so don't need any more problems in my life.
> When it is natural and organic it flows and is not forced. I have felt that enough in my life to know that is where it's at!


If you are sick of games, I would just quit the online dating stuff. I mean really, thats all it seems to be is games. Maybe different sites don't have as many game players.....do you pay for your Match.com account?

I thought Tinder would be a little different, definitely can see how most people use it just for a hookup app. I have found one nice guy in my area I have been chatting with but all the others were false flags - as in they seemed nice but were only looking for hookups. I am considering just deleting my profile off of that as well. 

Losing my dog does not help my attitude what so ever at the moment. I just feel cold and lonely. He was the one thing that cheered me up if I was ever in a mood like this and now I don't have him to put a smile on my face. Just really makes me sad. 

Khloe is ok. But she isn't a doberman. Anyone that has owned a doberman before understands what I mean.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Losing my dog does not help my attitude what so ever at the moment. I just feel cold and lonely. He was the one thing that cheered me up if I was ever in a mood like this and now I don't have him to put a smile on my face. Just really makes me sad.
> 
> Khloe is ok. But she isn't a doberman. Anyone that has owned a doberman before understands what I mean.


I am so sorry about your baby, Vi.


----------



## Jellybeans

AP - Maybe that woman got you confused with another guy she'd told she wasn't into and that is why she came back saying hi. Like perhaps she meant to send the not interested thing to someone else . Oh and I looove her profile. Its funny. Oh and dating seems to be ALL GAMES. Ugh. Online or in meeting someone naturally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and the Skype thing... watching eachother sleep. Nope. to me that is still creepy. Just weird.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I don't have that disclaimer in my profile but I seem to get a bunch of "hey baby" "wow" "hey beautiful" and other such greetings with no substance. Often by men who are MUCH younger even though my preferred range is 40-50. I have been approached by several married men and one married man who was in an open relationship. I have not received any penis pics but I have had offers, usually disguised as "I could send you some more photos if you want" when they already have plenty in their profile.

Those are pretty easy to weed through.


----------



## unsure78

So I think this weekends date with dudehat is going to be epic... he making calls to set up our date.. wow sounds like some planning may be going into this... im excited (cautiously of course..lol)


Oh and Another you are overreacting I think on the online dating
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> So I think this weekends date with dudehat is going to be epic... he making calls to set up our date.. wow sounds like some planning may be going into this... im excited (cautiously of course..lol)
> 
> 
> Oh and Another you are overreacting I think on the online dating
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And it's only Monday...hopefully the week flies for ya :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> If you are sick of games, I would just quit the online dating stuff. I mean really, thats all it seems to be is games. Maybe different sites don't have as many game players.....do you pay for your Match.com account?
> 
> I thought Tinder would be a little different, definitely can see how most people use it just for a hookup app. I have found one nice guy in my area I have been chatting with but all the others were false flags - as in they seemed nice but were only looking for hookups. I am considering just deleting my profile off of that as well.
> 
> Losing my dog does not help my attitude what so ever at the moment. I just feel cold and lonely. He was the one thing that cheered me up if I was ever in a mood like this and now I don't have him to put a smile on my face. Just really makes me sad.
> 
> Khloe is ok. But she isn't a doberman. Anyone that has owned a doberman before understands what I mean.


So sorry Vi. I was just thinking about you and wondering if you were doing ok. Just like any other loss you have to take it one day at a time.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> AP - Maybe that woman got you confused with another guy she'd told she wasn't into and that is why she came back saying hi. Like perhaps she meant to send the not interested thing to someone else . Oh and I looove her profile. Its funny. Oh and dating seems to be ALL GAMES. Ugh. Online or in meeting someone naturally.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She said "hi" and I ignored her because I am not interested. Then she after a couple days this morning she said the "HEELLLOOO", and I continue to ignore her. That was the only interaction.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> I don't have that disclaimer in my profile *but I seem to get a bunch of "hey baby" "wow" "hey beautiful" and other such greetings with no substance*. Often by men who are MUCH younger even though my preferred range is 40-50. I have been approached by several married men and one married man who was in an open relationship. I have not received any penis pics but I have had offers, usually disguised as "I could send you some more photos if you want" when they already have plenty in their profile.
> 
> Those are pretty easy to weed through.


You should just go out on a date with one of these "hey baby" responders and start up a conversation "_So what is your take on Neutrino oscillation predicted phenomenon by Bruno Pontecorvo whereby a neutrino created with a specific lepton flavor can later be measured to have a different flavor_?" :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> So sorry Vi. I was just thinking about you and wondering if you were doing ok. Just like any other loss you have to take it one day at a time.


I'm ok. Just another loss to deal with. Seem to be taking it in stride. This is about the 4th major painful loss I have experienced in the past 2 years. I feel numb to be honest. Like my heart just grows colder and colder after every one.


----------



## Another Planet

Is that bad taste to post her profile? I'm not exactly comfortable with it even though it shares no direct personal info. :scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Is that bad taste to post her profile? I'm not exactly comfortable with it even though it shares no direct personal info. :scratchhead:


Hmm.. ok not what I would do buuuuut I get why she put it out there like that..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Is that bad taste to post her profile? I'm not exactly comfortable with it even though it shares no direct personal info. :scratchhead:


It's bad taste to post her profile after you have already told us you werent interested and that you didn't respond to her icebreaker.

You have spent more effort not replying to her than a simple hi how are you would have ever gone.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Someone marking as a favorite is desperation? What is a game to you exactly? They like your profile, they like your pic they message and favorite you. That is the way online dating works. Of coarse you are not obligated to reply back, though most people who get up the nerve to message an attractive member would appreciate a "Thank you, but I am not interested."
> 
> Just because they are not beautiful to you or say something you are not keen too in their profile, does not make them desperate.
> 
> And as far as baggage? With all do respect, AP...We all have it. Even the hottie you are talking too right now has it. You may not know all of it, but she does. So the does the hottie you are going to be talking to after her. Hell, so do you. You are a single dad, a very young dad at one point. You are divorced and you work a million hours a week and barely have time for the dating you are trying to do. You have your fears about dating and hang ups about the type of woman you want to date. That is called baggage. Time to embrace it.


No it's not always seemingly desperate but a lot of the time it is. I don't know...I think you guys take me to seriously.

The baggage I am referring to with my comment is from what I have experienced a lot of these people on Match are just getting out of relationships or even still in them trying to get out and for like the first month or couple they are all excited and bouncing from one interaction with a possible mate to another and it is just part of the healing process. Just like rebound relationships.
Which is also part of the desperation I see, they are just trying to get on with it.

Are you guys insulted in any way? It seems like some of you are getting defensive. I am not meaning anything bad.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Hmm.. ok not what I would do buuuuut I get why she put it out there like that..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Lon said:


> It's bad taste to post her profile after you have already told us you werent interested and that you didn't respond to her icebreaker.
> 
> You have spent more effort not replying to her than a simple hi how are you would have ever gone.


There deleted it cause I wasn't comfortable with it anyway.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> The baggage I am referring to with my comment is from what I have experienced a lot of these people on Match are just getting out of relationships or even still in them trying to get out and for like the first month or couple they are all excited and bouncing from one interaction with a possible mate to another and it is just part of the healing process. Just like rebound relationships.
> Which is also part of the desperation I see, they are just trying to get on with it.
> 
> Are you guys insulted in any way? It seems like some of you are getting defensive. I am not meaning anything bad.


Uhhh Another not to be like mean and dont take this the wrong way... how long have you been divorced for? Like 2 months, right? Uhh kinda pot calling kettle black there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Uhhh Another not to be like mean and dont take this the wrong way... how long have you been divorced for? Like 2 months, right? Uhh kinda pot calling kettle black there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And still spending quality time with his ex (dinner, wine, movies, bedroom)


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Uhhh Another not to be like mean and dont take this the wrong way... how long have you been divorced for? Like 2 months, right? Uhh kinda pot calling kettle black there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





vi_bride04 said:


> And still spending quality time with his ex (dinner, wine, movies, bedroom)


lol oh you guys..... I am not saying anything negative and by no means am using anything in a derogatory way. I understand and accept that it is just a apart of the process and yes I am going through it myself which is why I don't want to deal with someone elses problems on top of my own. Every one has them I am not saying I don't.

It's been quite a few weeks if not longer maybe a month since she has been here for any longer then moments while getting the kids.

It is so interesting how you guys take me. I really wonder how you would in real life.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Are you different IRL?


----------



## Another Planet

ThreeStrikes said:


> Are you different IRL?


lol.......I'm out


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> There deleted it cause I wasn't comfortable with it anyway.


I don't think the problem was what you posted, I'm just curious why you felt it needed to be posted here in the first place?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Eh, sometimes the things that turn us off or we rant about don't make sense to others and this is about being single. 

I know some women make a guy a favorite in the hopes that he'll see that and strike up a conversation when they are too shy to message first.

As to baggage, yeah he's on there with baggage and not wanting women with baggage - AP you have to understand they are out there for the same reason you are. They probably don't want double the baggage either. Maybe your profile suggests you don't have any? There's no real way to know how long someone has been divorced unless they state it in their profile.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> *I know some women make a guy a favorite in the hopes that he'll see that and strike up a conversation when they are too shy to message first.*


This is what I do. It goes back to me being determined not to initiate! lol! I admit, I have sent a few (VERY few!) winks or hellos first, but my general rule nowdays is to leave first contact up to the men.


----------



## COGypsy

When I was on Match, I would favorite people when I saw their profiles on my phone because it was a pain to message through the mobile platform.

All it meant was "look at again later". Who knew I was causing so much excitement on the other end?!?


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm with Enjoi. Everybody has baggage. On dating sites, IRL, in this thread
It's about finding someone who's baggage meshes with yours
AP, I dont see how what this lady did is so offensive. I thought you first said SHE told you she wasn't interested in you but maybe read it wrong. You say you're not into games so maybe just reiterate to her th at you're not interested. And block her if you feel strongly about it. You seem to be getting upset or saying we are taking you seriously but maybe yiu are the kne who is actually taking us too seriously? Haha we all mean well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure, woohoo! That is very cool and so true that no one calls anymore. Vi... I send you a hug.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

AP...

I don't think that anyone is offended by you...and i don't think that anyone has been overly harsh to you at all.

You are just a confusing soul.

You have posted a lot about your relationship with your ex that a lot of people would classify as inappropriate and unhealthy. You have also posted a lot about the fact that you are 'too busy' to even simply text women that you are interested in.

It is confusing to me. ....very confusing.  I mean....what exactly do you want?

It sounds like you want a perfect lady who will be there for you at your beck and call....whenever you happen to have the time. And you want her to have no baggage--at all.

This is so unrealistic. ...and kinda hypocritical. A lot of the behaviors you are complaining about in others, you are exhibiting yourself. 

If people didn't care, then they would not respond to you. From my prespective, you complain a lot about online dating and make a lot of judgements about others. If you are truly wanting a relationship with someone, then I think you are going to need to free yourself to the process. ...and fix your own baggage.


----------



## Another Planet

COGypsy said:


> When I was on Match, I would favorite people when I saw their profiles on my phone because it was a pain to message through the mobile platform.
> 
> All it meant was "look at again later". Who knew I was causing so much excitement on the other end?!?


We live over 160 miles away from each other. She has liked winked and favorited me.



Jellybeans said:


> I'm with Enjoi. Everybody has baggage. On dating sites, IRL, in this thread
> It's about finding someone who's baggage meshes with yours
> AP, I dont see how what this lady did is so offensive. I thought you first said SHE told you she wasn't interested in you but maybe read it wrong. You say you're not into games so maybe just reiterate to her th at you're not interested. And block her if you feel strongly about it. You seem to be getting upset or saying we are taking you seriously but maybe yiu are the kne who is actually taking us too seriously? Haha we all mean well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am not offended by her at all. 
I had never interacted or even seen her profile before she messaged me a couple days ago...I am not yelling this I am just trying to emphasize it lol... *I am the one that was not interested not her*...so I ignored her, she never told me she wasn't interested. She then emailed me again this morning with with the "heellloo".....again I have never interacted with her even to this point.


 all is cool


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yeah - what's up with people hundreds of miles away initiating contact?!?! As I said, if they are planning a move to the new city, put that in your profile. Otherwise I assume you want a woman in every city within a days' drive. Unless you are in a VERY rural area, I would think there's someone compatible in a 25 miles radius!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> We live over 160 miles away from each other. She has liked winked and favorited me.
> 
> 
> 
> I am not offended by her at all.
> I had never interacted or even seen her profile before she messaged me a couple days ago...I am not yelling this I am just trying to emphasize it lol... *I am the one that was not interested not her*...so I ignored her, she never told me she wasn't interested. She then emailed me again this morning with with the "heellloo".....again I have never interacted with her even to this point.
> 
> 
> all is cool


Another what she did is not unsual... welcome to my match experiance... I get a wink a like an email, followed by another email asking if I got the first email... sometimes even a few hours later... I dont respond all the time... wash rinse repeat.... happens all the time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Hey everybody.


----------



## angelpixie

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yeah - what's up with people hundreds of miles away initiating contact?!?! As I said, if they are planning a move to the new city, put that in your profile. Otherwise I assume you want a woman in every city within a days' drive. *Unless you are in a VERY rural area, I would think there's someone compatible in a 25 miles radius!*



Not necessarily. I know many, many people where I live who have basically given up on dating. Not just online dating sites. Not just meeting 'organically' through activities, mutual friends, etc. ALL dating. 

I personally don't think there's a guarantee of finding anyone within a certain radius of where you live. And I don't think anyone _needs_ to limit themselves to a certain radius, unless it's just your preference or you have other things in your life that would make it necessary. We're lucky to live in a time when communication and travel are so much easier, cheaper, and more convenient than they used to be (for the most part). Why not take advantage of it?

ETA: When I was on eharmony, after I answered all of their bazillions of personality questions, I rarely got matches within 100 miles of me. And routinely got matches from as far away as California and New York. Go figure!


----------



## Nsweet

Right. I was living in Groton CT when I changed my search perimeter on a dating site and found my wife in San Diego CA..... I really wish I hadn't.

I tend to be wary of those on online dating sites who can't find matches close to home. I want to think I'm just the lucky one, but then again that person may have burned all their bridges closer to home and may be looking for someone who won't hear everything about them until it's too late.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another what she did is not unsual... welcome to my match experiance... I get a wink a like an email, followed by another email asking if I got the first email... sometimes even a few hours later... I dont respond all the time... wash rinse repeat.... happens all the time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I never said it was unusual. For you, me, or anyone else. 
I did however say it was a wtf moment with both of these situations today. 
Sometimes I talk about my wtf moments sometimes I don't. I did happen to have some time during paperwork to comment about it here today so I did.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, that's my point, though. I think it's fine to have things in the back of one's mind like "If they're looking far from home, they must have burned through everyone nearby," or "They've been on this dating site for X number of months or years. What's wrong with them?!" 

I'm picky. I don't go on dates unless there seems to be a good reason to. I've also had accounts on dating sites for probably close to 2 years now. I never check them. I've forgotten about them for months at a time. I actually can't log in to one of them because the site incorrectly attached my email to someone else's profile. I messaged customer support a few times and never got a reply. Then I forgot until after my subscription expired. Now I can't log in anymore. 

So, if someone just saw me on there, and saw my sign-up date, and the distance I was willing to look, it could end up leaving someone with a totally inaccurate impression of me. I don't tend to think in those absolute terms, because I know I wouldn't want them applied to me, lol.


----------



## jpr

I think one thing to keep in mind is just because you had one bad experience with something, doesn't necessarily mean you should ban it from your life forever.

I am not sure if I am making sense...

But, I guess what I am saying it that I think it is damaging to put too many limits on our experiences. For instance, I think most of us would agree that the following statement is ridiculous:
" My ex had blonde hair, and she was a floozy. So, that means all blonde haired women are floozies and I refuse to date anyone with blonde hair."

Personally, I feel like I am a bit wiser from the experience of my failed married. And that wisdom empowers me to step outside of the box a bit and take more risks. ....because I am more in-tune with the nuances of what I want and what I need. 

I think when we place restrictions and close ourselves off from experiences, we often are doing that to protect our hearts--we are not allowing ourselves to take a risk because we don't completely trust ourselves (...or we are just too gun-shy).

Sure, we all need to live and learn---and we all have our preferences of what we want. But, I hope that our past heartbreaks aren't causes us to limit the possibilities for our future.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh good god. Chinless, Trampire and DS were on the news as part of the coverage of our huge snowstorm. Blecch. So glad I don't watch TV (not because of DS, of course).


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oh good god. Chinless, Trampire and DS were on the news as part of the coverage of our huge snowstorm. Blecch. So glad I don't watch TV (not because of DS, of course).


Its snowing? Outside my office window it is sunny and bright, see students walking around in shorts and t-shirts 

Well anyway hope you and DS are staying safe.


----------



## Nsweet

Then again, if experience teaches you nothing.... you're just doomed to make the same mistakes.

I give every woman I meet a chance, but I NEVER ignore or minimize any red flags that I see. If I get that sneaking suspicion she's lying.... she doesn't get a whole 3+ year relationship to prove me right. 

There are also certain personality characteristics shared by exes that I avoid like the plague.It doesn't matter if she's just super nice and wonderful, I have my deal breakers and my crazy radar going.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh yeah. I'm fine. It's been horrible, though. There was an avalanche in town on Friday that demolished a house, and buried a child and a couple (a retired professor and his wife). They just announced earlier today that she passed away. I was out at the site yesterday, where people have been working on cleaning up, and trying to recover their belongings. Today, they had to halt everything, and go door to door, warning neighbors that their could be more slides.
This afternoon, they closed over 30 miles of the Interstate east of the Idaho border. It's been unreal. And today it shot up to 40, so the big flood is going to start. 

On a funny note, Chinless got stuck in his fancier Subaru with the $700 tires. I, with my not-so-good old tires on my low-to-the-ground Subaru, has not gotten stuck.  I think I'm just a better driver.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> Oh good god. Chinless, Trampire and DS were on the news as part of the coverage of our huge snowstorm. Blecch. So glad I don't watch TV (not because of DS, of course).


Right. SHE wanted attention and she got it. 

You probably better stay off facebook too! What do you want to bet Trampire is bragging all over her profile and trolling for sympathy?


----------



## jpr

Nsweet said:


> Then again, if experience teaches you nothing.... you're just doomed to make the same mistakes.
> 
> I give every woman I meet a chance, but I NEVER ignore or minimize any red flags that I see. If I get that sneaking suspicion she's lying.... she doesn't get a whole 3+ year relationship to prove me right.
> 
> There are also certain personality characteristics shared by exes that I avoid like the plague.It doesn't matter if she's just super nice and wonderful, I have my deal breakers and my crazy radar going.


Oh. I totally agree with this Nsweet. That is the stuff that matters--the personality characteristics and such.

That is what I mean--you are wiser now and able to take risks without getting duped again.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oh yeah. I'm fine. It's been horrible, though. There was an avalanche in town on Friday that demolished a house, and buried a child and a couple (a retired professor and his wife). They just announced earlier today that she passed away. I was out at the site yesterday, where people have been working on cleaning up, and trying to recover their belongings. Today, they had to halt everything, and go door to door, warning neighbors that their could be more slides.
> This afternoon, they closed over 30 miles of the Interstate east of the Idaho border. It's been unreal. And today it shot up to 40, so the big flood is going to start.


  Now more than every I truly hope you take care. 



angelpixie said:


> On a funny note, Chinless got stuck in his fancier Subaru with the $700 tires. I, with my not-so-good old tires on my low-to-the-ground Subaru, has not gotten stuck.  I think I'm just a better driver.


$700  I just got new tires for my electric car, not even close to that price, geez.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> AP...
> 
> I don't think that anyone is offended by you...and i don't think that anyone has been overly harsh to you at all.
> 
> You are just a confusing soul.
> 
> Can't disagree there.
> 
> You have posted a lot about your relationship with your ex that a lot of people would classify as inappropriate and unhealthy. You have also posted a lot about the fact that you are 'too busy' to even simply text women that you are interested in.
> 
> Concerning my ex yes I will agree I have an odd relationship there with her and yes probably inappropriate and yes it will inhabit any future possibilities with other women if I do not keep secure boundaries and I am constantly working on that...now, because of you guys
> 
> Now the woman I am interested in I do talk to, but sometimes I go days without. Personally I do not see anything wrong with that. It is meeting up with that is difficult because of our schedules. And I don't know about you but with out more personal interaction there is only limited things to talk about.
> 
> It is confusing to me. ....very confusing.  I mean....what exactly do you want?
> 
> It sounds like you want a perfect lady who will be there for you at your beck and call....whenever you happen to have the time. And you want her to have no baggage--at all.
> 
> Independence, confidence, integrity...for the most part.
> 
> This is so unrealistic. ...and kinda hypocritical. A lot of the behaviors you are complaining about in others, you are exhibiting yourself.
> 
> :scratchhead: this you got me on. What do I complain about concerning others and exhibit myself. I am all for self growth.
> 
> If people didn't care, then they would not respond to you. From my prespective, you complain a lot about online dating and make a lot of judgements about others. If you are truly wanting a relationship with someone, then I think you are going to need to free yourself to the process. ...and fix your own baggage.
> 
> Thank you for caring . I am not really *****ing more saying "why? really?". Yes I need to free myself and yes I do need to fix my life, hence why it is so hard to free myself. I never said I was perfect.


I am so misunderstood. I would love to meet some of you in person maybe there is a language barrier going on. 
And again the baggage I am referring to is not what you guys seem to be referring to...or maybe it is I don't know obviously.
I don't care if someone has kids, divorced, debt, crazy mother...etc. Has a job, own place, own life, and is moderately experienced in life would be awesome.


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> I don't get it, either. :scratchhead: Why are you using an online dating service if you don't want a woman to "like" a photo or send you an email.
> 
> No offense, but you seem a little judgmental. Some may judge you are desperate and pathetic for using an online dating site. It is not desperate...they are just interested in getting to know you better. It is fun to banter back and forth with new people...if you don't think it is fun, or are not interested right now--well...then maybe you shouldn't be on that site?



l love it when they favorite me :smthumbup: . l don't give a fk where they are l'm just happy right now that someone likes me enough to bother.
Same with anyone contacting me . Some have said some really nice stuff. l sorta look at it as it doesn't mean me or someone else is gonna jump through the puter , it can just be nice.
There has been a few l've really liked that are too far to but sometimes l send them a message anyway , just saying hi and l wished l owned a jet :rofl: . lt's just a bit of fun and mine has little laughing men you can add on just to be sure they know it's just in humor and a complement . Most have checked back with a joke or a crying face or something in the same sorta way . 

There's actually a new one in mine l heard from just last night in another state.
We just talked a bit for fun ,. no biggie , she's cute .
l've got a much better attitude now that seems to work wonders .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I am so misunderstood...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Me too God damn it :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and the Skype thing... watching eachother sleep. Nope. to me that is still creepy. Just weird.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha , that one was funny ! Max in your face :rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

There are a million people in a 25 mile radius of me. I would surely think out of that many people that half are men, half are unmarried and out of 250K that 50K of those are in my age range and out of those surely 10K aren't dating anyone...


----------



## whitehawk

Well , this is strange.
l live out on one ac and haven't left the house in mths , not in any going out sense l mean.
l do get out all the time but it's just day to day [email protected] or some canoeing or beach.
But no life as such.

Yet here l am talking or emailing or kiking with some girl or another all night every night - very weird , fun , weird.
So l can see now where it gets confusing for you guys and where your coming from.
But the silly thing is a few of them are nudging to meet now yet l just can't be fkd.
There's a couple of them l'm really enjoying talking to in particular but they're all nice actually.

There's one in particular , she's just got this nicest look, not model nice , calm nice. at peace but she is pretty and she's great to talk to . She's getting a bit towy to meet though now but really l have no idea of what to tell her but l just can't be fkd with it , isn't that weird !

Then this other one we have talked but we keep skipping back to emails , like without saying as much but on purpose . We just have this our own little world thing going on and just talk and talk through our emails . Then suddenly one of us texts or calls - did you get that - yeah - ok and we go back to emailing it's really cool , bizarre cool. Or then we suddenly talk for a few hrs on the phone and next minute we're silently back to emailing
And we've just talked about all sorts of things. As deep as it gets , personal , light , jokes , it's the craziest thing , very cool.
Don't wanna meet her either though it'd spoil our little world :scratchhead: Go figure !

l do know one or 2 reasons though why l'm the way l am right now.
For one thing , really , l've only been single a yr or so , sep 16mths all up.
l'm in no hurry to jump back into that frying pan.
And then just talking to my d and one of her friends last night,they're all doing a big sleepover here which they often do, holidays to , they have a ball. Or my d and l we stay up all nighters watching movies and stuff. But just yet if someone else was in my life even if not around my d , it'd just change things , l don't wanna give any of that up right now you know.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> There are a million people in a 25 mile radius of me. I would surely think out of that many people that half are men, half are unmarried and out of 250K that 50K of those are in my age range and out of those surely 10K aren't dating anyone...


Ow l hate seeing a good women going to waste Enjoli.. And hey your right that's more than enough to get anyone into trouble.
lt's a strange thing . l know l grew up in the city with around that kinda radius numbers too . Left when l turned 30. Mind you at times there were plenty but the cupboard was often bare to and l use to wonder how too.
Another strange thing was that l somehow wound up with pretty crap gf's in the city to yet variety plus , could never figure it out.

Yet it's funny , where l live now is called the Sth West Coast and there's only about 250k here but spread over a huge area.
Yet it's different . lt's somehow easier l must admit . ldk it's a familiarity thing or something. l'm getting use to it though and quite liking the smaller population thing.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

angelpixie said:


> Not necessarily. I know many, many people where I live who have basically given up on dating. Not just online dating sites. Not just meeting 'organically' through activities, mutual friends, etc. ALL dating.
> 
> I personally don't think there's a guarantee of finding anyone within a certain radius of where you live. And I don't think anyone _needs_ to limit themselves to a certain radius, unless it's just your preference or you have other things in your life that would make it necessary. We're lucky to live in a time when communication and travel are so much easier, cheaper, and more convenient than they used to be (for the most part). Why not take advantage of it?
> 
> ETA: When I was on eharmony, after I answered all of their bazillions of personality questions, I rarely got matches within 100 miles of me. And routinely got matches from as far away as California and New York. Go figure!


My last two relationships were with men who lived almost 50 miles from me. (weirdly enough, both from the same town!) I DO NOT want to deal with that again. It may not SOUND like a huge distance, but it really is limiting. The one guy never wanted to stay with me because of his dog, so every other weekend I basically uprooted my life to go spend 3-4 days at his place. When you drive that far, you dont visit for a couple hours and go home, especially with gas being so freaking expensive. There can be no spur of the moment get togethers. Then when you are planning to actually go do something, you have to plan things around where you are going to meet up, etc. It really is just a pain in the ass. I get a lot of messages on POF from men in IL (I am in MO) and almost all of those cities are that same 45 minutes from me. Its frustrating, especially since many of them seem like decent guys. I just dont want to get caught up in all that inconvenience again.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> My last two relationships were with men who lived almost 50 miles from me. (weirdly enough, both from the same town!) I DO NOT want to deal with that again. It may not SOUND like a huge distance, but it really is limiting. The one guy never wanted to stay with me because of his dog, so every other weekend I basically uprooted my life to go spend 3-4 days at his place. When you drive that far, you dont visit for a couple hours and go home, especially with gas being so freaking expensive. There can be no spur of the moment get togethers. Then when you are planning to actually go do something, you have to plan things around where you are going to meet up, etc. It really is just a pain in the ass. I get a lot of messages on POF from men in IL (I am in MO) and almost all of those cities are that same 45 minutes from me. Its frustrating, especially since many of them seem like decent guys. I just dont want to get caught up in all that inconvenience again.


Exactly. I have a dog; I can't stay anywhere else unless I took him with me. BF guy was 40 minutes away and that was tough. I felt bad always making him drive but I hated not being picked up. I want to be picked up for a date and taken home! It ends up with the guy doing a huge amount of driving, often late.

And then he (and anyone else) would get frustrated with not being able to pop in on the weekend or being able to do something last minute, or grab a quick lunch or go to the gym together, etc. Makes it difficult to develop the relationship.

It becomes and all-or-nothing deal. And then if it does go really well, it gets super frustrating if you work in opposite directions so then if you move in together, someone has to drive a long way to work or change jobs, which is a LOT to ask.


----------



## Pbartender

Another Planet said:


> I am so misunderstood.


We only get to work with what you tell us.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> Exactly. I have a dog; I can't stay anywhere else unless I took him with me. BF guy was 40 minutes away and that was tough. I felt bad always making him drive but I hated not being picked up. * I want to be picked up for a date and taken home! * It ends up with the guy doing a huge amount of driving, often late.
> 
> *And then he (and anyone else) would get frustrated with not being able to pop in on the weekend or being able to do something last minute, or grab a quick lunch or go to the gym together, etc. Makes it difficult to develop the relationship.
> 
> It becomes and all-or-nothing deal. * And then if it does go really well, it gets super frustrating if you work in opposite directions so then if you move in together, someone has to drive a long way to work or change jobs, which is a LOT to ask.


:iagree: Exactly!


----------



## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> There are a million people in a 25 mile radius of me. I would surely think out of that many people that half are men, half are unmarried and out of 250K that 50K of those are in my age range and out of those surely 10K aren't dating anyone...


Remember...

If you are looking for a special person who's one in a million, that means there about 7,000 of them in the world.

The land surface area of the Earth is about 57,000,000 square miles. On average, you'll only find one of them within a fifty mile radius of you.

Half of them are going to be the wrong gender, and a large portion of them are going to be unavailable.

Just sayin'...


----------



## whitehawk

When l met my ex she was 50mins away . l use to love the drive over . Good music and in ways l was often peed of at being there already .
But as well all those things you guys are talking.
We shacked up after 4 or 5mths and she wanted to leave her town and that hospital anyway so she moved over near me.
Really now though , l have to often do long cross country runs for work , then l'm picking up my d all the time or going up to our main town for something 40mins.
lf l wanna start seeing someone now admittedly l'd like her close . Don't think l'd have it in me to be races off somewhere and hr or two away right now , then the time , costs.
Area might be an issue to because l don't wanna move away from my d any further .


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> Remember...
> 
> If you are looking for a special person who's one in a million, that means there about 7,000 of them in the world.
> 
> The land surface area of the Earth is about 57,000,000 square miles. On average, you'll only find one of them within a fifty mile radius of you.
> 
> Half of them are going to be the wrong gender, and a large portion of them are going to be unavailable.
> 
> Just sayin'...


Nice one PB , umm , l think :scratchhead:
Looks llike you gotta drive Enjoli


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nope.  They will have to come to me and when the time for sleepovers arrives I may occasionally go to his place but as long as I have kiddo, I'm staying put. If it's serious enough that we move in together, we'll both sell (or rent out our homes) and buy one together.

I don't need a million, just the one. They might be 10 minutes away.  Plus I don't believe in soul mates. I think there are bound to be 20 guys or more right here I'd be happily compatible with.


----------



## Jellybeans

It was -2 degrees here last night. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Pbartender said:


> Remember...
> 
> If you are looking for a special person who's one in a million, that means there about 7,000 of them in the world.
> 
> The land surface area of the Earth is about 57,000,000 square miles. On average, you'll only find one of them within a fifty mile radius of you.
> 
> Half of them are going to be the wrong gender, and a large portion of them are going to be unavailable.
> 
> Just sayin'...


Yeah. That. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> We only get to work with what you tell us.


Which telling is becoming increasingly more difficult. 
I am still scratching my head on it. I said something because a woman had emailed me with an attitude because I didn't reply and another one full out liked/favorited/winked and she lives 160 miles away from me which I just wondered why someone would do that.

I did not say anything about the 14 others I interacted with on match yesterday...maybe I should have I don't know, but then I feel like I am bragging or something. Plus why would anyone want to know every detail of my life just to understand a few comments I make on the internet? I also don't want to wear out my welcome with barraging you guys with all my crazy ****...

The upset email woman emailed me again last night and I reconsidered talking to her because I now because of you guys questioned my original judgement so I said...

her- Hi how are you doing 
me- Hello, you are persistent lol
me- I am doing well thank you
her- Oh, I'm sorry, if you're not interested, I will leave you alone.
me- how are you doing?
her- I'm doing ok, but I don't want to bother you or waste our time if you're not interested.
her- I feel like a discussion should be wanted on both sides.... 
I'm doing ok, and you? What have you been up to?
me- Interesting... you are out if my range but if you want to talk I'm OK wit that.
her- out of range?
me- **** its a drive and I hate driving. I do it way to much for work. 
PS you aren't wasting my time by getting to know me.(the stars are her location not swear words lol)

The "if you are not interested, I will leave you alone" and "I don't want to bother you" comes from the baggage I was referring to yesterday that I don't like to deal with. I mean I am talking to you right so I must not mind that much? I do understand insecurities in dating especially with what she has gone through and now has to figure out.


----------



## Another Planet

Pbartender said:


> Remember...
> 
> If you are looking for a special person who's one in a million, that means there about 7,000 of them in the world.
> 
> The land surface area of the Earth is about 57,000,000 square miles. On average, you'll only find one of them within a fifty mile radius of you.
> 
> Half of them are going to be the wrong gender, and a large portion of them are going to be unavailable.
> 
> Just sayin'...


Good point! You could probably get that pretty accurate if you figured out the percent of populated area of land surface.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> her- Hi how are you doing
> me- Hello, you are persistent lol
> me- I am doing well thank you
> her- Oh, I'm sorry, if you're not interested, I will leave you alone.
> me- how are you doing?
> her- I'm doing ok, but I don't want to bother you or waste our time if you're not interested.
> her- I feel like a discussion should be wanted on both sides....
> I'm doing ok, and you? What have you been up to?
> me- Interesting... you are out if my range but if you want to talk I'm OK wit that.
> her- out of range?
> me- **** its a drive and I hate driving. I do it way to much for work.
> PS you aren't wasting my time by getting to know me.(the stars are her location not swear words lol)
> 
> *The "if you are not interested, I will leave you alone" and "I don't want to bother you" comes from the baggage I was referring to yesterday that I don't like to deal with. I mean I am talking to you right so I must not mind that much? *I do understand insecurities in dating especially with what she has gone through and now has to figure out.


I dont think that's her baggage, I think that is her responding to being told she is persistent.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont think that's her baggage, I think that is her responding to being told she is persistent.


Why that is the truth wasn't it?
If you are saying that what I said was inappropriate then there is absolutely no way she could handle me in real life lol

And I perceive it as an interaction of personalities, what she said in response to what I said is a reflection of who she is inside ie baggage...
Same as me telling her that she is persistent. That was me being me reacting to the way she is.


----------



## vi_bride04

That was your perfect chance to be up front with her AP 

"Sorry but that distance is too far to consider dating you"


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> That was your perfect chance to be up front with her AP
> 
> "Sorry but that distance is too far to consider dating you"


Two different women Vi, if you are referring to me complaining. This one only lives south of me about 40min but I did tell her even that is to far.

me- Interesting... you are out if my range but if you want to talk I'm OK wit that.
her- out of range?
me- **** its a drive and I hate driving. I do it way to much for work. 
PS you aren't wasting my time by getting to know me.(the stars are her location not swear words lol)


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> That was your perfect chance to be up front with her AP
> 
> "Sorry but that distance is too far to consider dating you"


Whatever happened to "hi my name is Another, what is yours?"

My disclosure statement would have been something like "I'm just learning the ins and outs of online dating... So what does 'Hellllloooo' mean?" And maybe put a winkie in there somewhere


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Whatever happened to "hi my name is Another, what is yours?"
> 
> My disclosure statement would have been something like "I'm just learning the ins and outs of online dating... So what does 'Hellllloooo' mean?" And maybe put a winkie in there somewhere


I do say that when I feel like it but this is where there is like some confusion or something going on. I did not want to talk to her so I ignored her and I do not have to respond to every one who checks out my profile.

I am not just learning the ins and outs of online dating? Where did this come from? I have been on Match for over 7 months now and have talked with hundreds of women 

sigh.....
Honestly just nevermind the whole thing guys, I am tired of feeling like I have to explain myself.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> It was -2 degrees here last night. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know its cold here today as well 21C (70F)... brrrr

I am actually wearing long pants today and even have a jacket on.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I do say that when I feel like it but this is where there is like some confusion or something going on. I did not want to talk to her so I ignored her and I do not have to respond to every one who checks out my profile.
> 
> I am not just learning the ins and outs of online dating? Where did this come from? I have been on Match for over 7 months now and have talked with hundreds of women
> 
> sigh.....
> Honestly just nevermind the whole thing guys, I am tired of feeling like I have to explain myself.


AP, I'm not judging or criticizing, just trying to have a bit of a dialog so I can understand how other people use online dating sites. You don't need to explain yourself but if you want to I am interested in reading about it.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> AP, I'm not judging or criticizing, just trying to have a bit of a dialog so I can understand how other people use online dating sites. You don't need to explain yourself but if you want to I am interested in reading about it.


Oh you are being genuine? lol I read that as a quip, so sorry.

Be yourself and don't be a creepy stalker lol There is so many fish out there she comes along sooner or later.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Oh you are being genuine? lol I read that as a quip, so sorry.
> 
> Be yourself and don't be a creepy stalker lol There is so many fish out there she comes along sooner or later.


Well was partly a quip, but I didn't mean to direct it at you behind your back or anything. Mostly I just find myself baffled by the whole game (of which I don't really have any) and was probably trying to impart my own anti-game agenda lol. I rarely (as in tenfold more rarity than most people) make any quality kinds of connections either IRL or online, and I am not unaware enough to not realize I am the denominator in that equation.

So if I seemed quippy about your online dating conversation with some lady , I was actually inquiring as to why the need to explain the disinterest takes priority over introductions? Is it that much of a threat to reply (and this goes for both genders)?


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Well was partly a quip, but I didn't mean to direct it at you behind your back or anything. Mostly I just find myself baffled by the whole game (of which I don't really have any) and was probably trying to impart my own anti-game agenda lol. I rarely (as in tenfold more rarity than most people) make any quality kinds of connections either IRL or online, and I am not unaware enough to realize I am the denominator in that equation.
> 
> So if I seemed quippy about your online dating conversation with some lady , I was actually inquiring as to why the need to explain the disinterest takes priority over introductions? Is it that much of a threat to reply (and this goes for both genders)?


Lol well honesty is very admirable in my book!
How long have you been online dating and which site/app? I only know how Match works but I am sure they are similar.

After so long and so many introduction conversations with women I have lost ALL inhibitions and if I am genuinely interested can pretty effortlessly strike up a conversation.

Just go through the profiles and don't think to much. If she looks interesting try continuing the conversation that is her profile, that is what her profile is an introduction conversation like I was saying about online dating is not the same as IRL because the intro/ice breaker has already happened...just continue it. If you can't well then go on to the next one.


----------



## Another Planet

Here's an example of a woman that I actually didn't even read her profile yet just her leading line and saw she was pretty and local. Her leading line was something like "2-5 relationships now start online, whats up with that?!"...
And I messaged her "2-5 I know right?! I wonder what type of relationships they are talking about?"
And then we emailed for a couple weeks and I was actually really digging her but then I just got busy with stuff and fell off the face of the planet as I tend to do so much. 
I actually was just thinking about her and tried to find her profile but couldn't...

I wonder what these women think of me when I do that to them? Probably not nice things :/


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Lol well honesty is very admirable in my book!
> How long have you been online dating and which site/app? I only know how Match works but I am sure they are similar.
> 
> After so long and so many introduction conversations with women I have lost ALL inhibitions and if I am genuinely interested can pretty effortlessly strike up a conversation.
> 
> Just go through the profiles and don't think to much. If she looks interesting try continuing the conversation that is her profile, that is what her profile is an introduction conversation like I was saying about online dating is not the same as IRL because the intro/ice breaker has already happened...just continue it. If you can't well then go on to the next one.


I'm in a relationship and haven't online dated in awhile, I used to use POF, and also looked at the profiles on match but they were almost the exact same people and profiles on either. After sending well thought out messages to the hundred or so women that were attractive or interesting to me, and to get a meagre three replies I realized for me it was an utter waste of time. When I first put up my profile there were 5 or 6 hellos from desperate and severely unattractive (to me) females but never a single glance from anyone remotely attractive. I changed up my profile, tweaking it and rewording it, even tried a complete opposite approach, but never a nibble. Two of the replies I got turned into first dates, and one turned into a short relationship, so it wasn't all bad, but too much typing for what it yielded. Once I stopped caring about online dating I was freed up and motivated to make something happen with an opportunity I missed many years before.


----------



## Another Planet

I thought you were in a relationship, I just figured recently out or something.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, TAM friends, I'm feeling a little down today. My cat, Phoebe, passed away early this morning. Because of the snowstorm I couldn't get her to the vet yesterday, and I got up early to take her first thing this morning, but it was too late, and she had passed in the night. I took her to the vet, and they're taking care of the after-care; I'll get her ashes back next week.

It's hard, because sometimes I think that I might not have made it through the last few years - especially the last 18 months - without her. Finally, lately, I've been feeling good about my life as it is now, even HAPPY with my life now, and then this happens. It's like as soon as you get back on your feet again, life decides to punch you in the gut again.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh no, I'm so sorry!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> So, TAM friends, I'm feeling a little down today. My cat, Phoebe, passed away early this morning. Because of the snowstorm I couldn't get her to the vet yesterday, and I got up early to take her first thing this morning, but it was too late, and she had passed in the night. I took her to the vet, and they're taking care of the after-care; I'll get her ashes back next week.
> 
> It's hard, because sometimes I think that I might not have made it through the last few years - especially the last 18 months - without her. Finally, lately, I've been feeling good about my life as it is now, even HAPPY with my life now, and then this happens. It's like as soon as you get back on your feet again, life decides to punch you in the gut again.


Oh FIP, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel as I had to put my most favorite doggy I ever owned to sleep on Friday.


----------



## Lon

Fem, vi, I'm sorry for your losses, it is hard losing a loyal companion


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I wonder what these women think of me when I do that to them? Probably not nice things :/


No im sure they dont think nice things when you do that.... not that i dont do that myself once and a while, when a guy turns me off... 

but really i dont want to be emailing with someone forever, the whole point of match IMO its to find someone to meet and date... if im emailing with them more than a week, maybe two at the most and no one has set a date yet to meet, its a waste of my time... you know nothing about chemistry or even looks sometimes until you meet. If i want to online chit chat with friends I will come to TAM.

Im curious Another, on average how long do you email before you set a actual date??


----------



## Pluto2

FeministInPink said:


> So, TAM friends, I'm feeling a little down today. My cat, Phoebe, passed away early this morning. Because of the snowstorm I couldn't get her to the vet yesterday, and I got up early to take her first thing this morning, but it was too late, and she had passed in the night. I took her to the vet, and they're taking care of the after-care; I'll get her ashes back next week.
> 
> It's hard, because sometimes I think that I might not have made it through the last few years - especially the last 18 months - without her. Finally, lately, I've been feeling good about my life as it is now, even HAPPY with my life now, and then this happens. It's like as soon as you get back on your feet again, life decides to punch you in the gut again.


So sorry for your loss. I am sure she was happy to live with you and knew she was loved. So sorry.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hugs, FIP.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh FIP, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel as I had to put my most favorite doggy I ever owned to sleep on Friday.


Oh, vi... hugs to you, too  At least our loyal friends aren't in pain any more.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Why that is the truth wasn't it?
> If you are saying that what I said was inappropriate then there is absolutely no way she could handle me in real life lol
> 
> And I perceive it as an interaction of personalities, what she said in response to what I said is a reflection of who she is inside ie baggage...
> Same as me telling her that she is persistent. That was me being me reacting to the way she is.


Your thinking she is persistent is YOUR truth. To her it may just be following up.

But by stating she is persistent it implies she is pressing communication where you could take it or leave it. Not that she has baggage. That is how 99% of the population, male or female would take that comment IMO.

If you called for a job interview and they didn't call you back, then you called again and the receptionist said "You sure are persistent" you would think they aren't interested in interviewing you, not just busy, correct?

Persistent has a slightly negative connotation. If someone said that to me after a second contact, I probably would respond the same way. Although saying right up front that you didn't respond due to the distance vs. not responding due to lack of interest might have started a more open dialog. Now it just looks/feels like polite exchanges.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Nope.  They will have to come to me and when the time for sleepovers arrives I may occasionally go to his place but as long as I have kiddo, I'm staying put. If it's serious enough that we move in together, we'll both sell (or rent out our homes) and buy one together.
> 
> I don't need a million, just the one. They might be 10 minutes away.  Plus I don't believe in soul mates. I think there are bound to be 20 guys or more right here I'd be happily compatible with.



Yeah l don't believe in soul mate stuff anymore either , or maybe l don't want one of those because it might be too in my face , freedom.
But l had a soul mate , and now we're divorcing , who needs the bs.

Anyway even if we do want that one in a million , l think we all have at least 5 or 6 of those one in a millions. They are just different people in different ways but we'd still be equally happy with.


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks for the kind words, everybody-- it definitely helps.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FIP, sorry for the loss of your kitty. They do give us unconditional love when we need it. Just maybe, even tho she got you through the hardest part, maybe she had confidence you were OK now.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> No im sure they dont think nice things when you do that.... not that i dont do that myself once and a while, when a guy turns me off...
> 
> but really i dont want to be emailing with someone forever, the whole point of match IMO its to find someone to meet and date... if im emailing with them more than a week, maybe two at the most and no one has set a date yet to meet, its a waste of my time... you know nothing about chemistry or even looks sometimes until you meet. If i want to online chit chat with friends I will come to TAM.
> 
> Im curious Another, on average how long do you email before you set a actual date??


No set time. Just feel it out, I am in no hurry. This current girl I am interested in if you want a time frame its been months lol. We have set twice this next weekend is the second time. 
But I have been on Match a bit lately now that work is slowing and maybe it's spring fever...and maybe I am getting tired of waiting for it to happen with her.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, guys, he has written me a love letter.

A bona fide, legitimate love letter. That is long and beautiful and so carefully thought out, even describing what he loves about my name (no, not the confectionary candy you guys know me by, lol, but my real woman name) and says how when he first saw me he knew it wasn't "normal."

This letter (ok, email, but hey, we are living in modern times) is really something that I know he put a lot of time into and if I had any interest in him, I would probably be moved. But alas, my black jellybean heart is, while not, turned off by it, still not feeling palpitations for him since I told him awhile ago back that I was not into anything more with him after he flaked on me. (Of which he apologizes for his in letter--saying he was "busy.")

He also texted me today to say he'd emailed me to which I haven't responded (like the last ten of his texts and phone calls).

We went on two dates. That's it. (Though we've known eachother via social media/internet-styles longer). I have not seen him since the fall. 

Oy. My jelly spell is fierce.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dropping in to give my well wishes to everyone in the singles thread. Decided I'm going to take a bit of a hiatus from this board to focus on other things. No doubt I'll check in down the road, but until then, I hope everyone has a great Spring!

Cheers.


----------



## vi_bride04

Yeah right, you'll be back next week


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, he has written me a love letter.
> 
> A bona fide, legitimate love letter. That is long and beautiful and so carefully thought out, even describing what he loves about my name (no, not the confectionary candy you guys know me by, lol, but my real woman name) and says how when he first saw me he knew it wasn't "normal."
> 
> This letter (ok, email, but hey, we are living in modern times) is really something that I know he put a lot of time into and if I had any interest in him, I would probably be moved. But alas, my black jellybean heart is, while not, turned off by it, still not feeling palpitations for him since I told him awhile ago back that I was not into anything more with him after he flaked on me. (Of which he apologizes for his in letter--saying he was "busy.")
> 
> He also texted me today to say he'd emailed me to which I haven't responded (like the last ten of his texts and phone calls).
> 
> We went on two dates. That's it. (Though we've known eachother via social media/internet-styles longer). I have not seen him since the fall.
> 
> Oy. My jelly spell is fierce.


What! 0_o


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, he has written me a love letter.
> 
> A bona fide, legitimate love letter. That is long and beautiful and so carefully thought out, even describing what he loves about my name (no, not the confectionary candy you guys know me by, lol, but my real woman name) and says how when he first saw me he knew it wasn't "normal."
> 
> This letter (ok, email, but hey, we are living in modern times) is really something that I know he put a lot of time into and if I had any interest in him, I would probably be moved. But alas, my black jellybean heart is, while not, turned off by it, still not feeling palpitations for him since I told him awhile ago back that I was not into anything more with him after he flaked on me. (Of which he apologizes for his in letter--saying he was "busy.")
> 
> He also texted me today to say he'd emailed me to which I haven't responded (like the last ten of his texts and phone calls).
> 
> We went on two dates. That's it. (Though we've known eachother via social media/internet-styles longer). I have not seen him since the fall.
> 
> Oy. My jelly spell is fierce.


Letter, Schmetter. I'm holding out for the John Cusak with a boombox singing sappy Peter Gabriel songs on your lawn!! :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

COGypsy said:


> Letter, Schmetter. I'm holding out for the John Cusak with a boombox singing sappy Peter Gabriel songs on your lawn!! :rofl:


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Yup, thats next!!


----------



## badcompany

Off subject a bit...but humorous.
My sister is an editor for a magazine and has been doing freelance writing for some time as a hobby....lord of the rings, harry potter type stuff. Never went anywhere with the publishers even though we thought it was great writing-this from a family that tells it how it is too.
Anyway, her latest, and first smutty romance novel caught the attention of a publisher and hit shelves last week lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

badcompany said:


> Off subject a bit...but humorous.
> My sister is an editor for a magazine and has been doing freelance writing for some time as a hobby....lord of the rings, harry potter type stuff. Never went anywhere with the publishers even though we thought it was great writing-this from a family that tells it how it is too.
> Anyway, her latest, and first smutty romance novel caught the attention of a publisher and hit shelves last week lol!


Hooray for women writing smut! :rofl: 

Seriously, thats awesome, congrats to her!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Which telling is becoming increasingly more difficult.
> I am still scratching my head on it. I said something because a woman had emailed me with an attitude because I didn't reply and another one full out liked/favorited/winked and she lives 160 miles away from me which I just wondered why someone would do that.
> 
> I did not say anything about the 14 others I interacted with on match yesterday...maybe I should have I don't know, but then I feel like I am bragging or something. Plus why would anyone want to know every detail of my life just to understand a few comments I make on the internet? I also don't want to wear out my welcome with barraging you guys with all my crazy ****...
> 
> The upset email woman emailed me again last night and I reconsidered talking to her because I now because of you guys questioned my original judgement so I said...
> 
> her- Hi how are you doing
> me- Hello, you are persistent lol
> me- I am doing well thank you
> her- Oh, I'm sorry, if you're not interested, I will leave you alone.
> me- how are you doing?
> her- I'm doing ok, but I don't want to bother you or waste our time if you're not interested.
> her- I feel like a discussion should be wanted on both sides....
> I'm doing ok, and you? What have you been up to?
> me- Interesting... you are out if my range but if you want to talk I'm OK wit that.
> her- out of range?
> me- **** its a drive and I hate driving. I do it way to much for work.
> PS you aren't wasting my time by getting to know me.(the stars are her location not swear words lol)
> 
> The "if you are not interested, I will leave you alone" and "I don't want to bother you" comes from the baggage I was referring to yesterday that I don't like to deal with. I mean I am talking to you right so I must not mind that much? I do understand insecurities in dating especially with what she has gone through and now has to figure out.



Ahh , your stuff make as much sense as any of us anyway AP :rofl: , puts mine to shame 
And the attitude one , she'd get on my nerves too , don't blame you . Mine has a blocker if we need one. Cruel to be kind :smthumbup:

14 , holy smoke thems a lot of apples but l know what you mean with the bragging thing . lt sorta for me feels like ll might a bit to but we need to tell it how is on the other hand if we're gonna get some useful feedback so l dunno , fine line l spose .
But hey 14 , l feel better now :rofl: Really there's only 3 or 4 out of mine so far and that's getting confusing.
l'm only close to one or 2 though, for me l'm just enjoying a sort of friend thing with the others.

ps , stuff your pushy one wrote in her profile to me sounded a bit off too.


----------



## whitehawk

But hey , typical . This one girl l was originally really exited about , hasn't even emailed me back anyway. Isn't that fkg typical !

Can't seem to tell if she's been on or not with her page either . Mine has this show or not show when your on setting , mayb e she uses that but ha , she's probably just snubbing me


----------



## jpr

I am so sorry to hear about your cat, FIM.




Losing a friend is so hard.


----------



## Another Planet

Yay Saturday is a go! 
Can someone please do the antisnow dance so I don't have anything to worry about?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Why that is the truth wasn't it?
> If you are saying that what I said was inappropriate then there is absolutely no way she could handle me in real life lol
> 
> And I perceive it as an interaction of personalities, what she said in response to what I said is a reflection of who she is inside ie baggage...
> Same as me telling her that she is persistent. That was me being me reacting to the way she is.



l know what you mean and l think this is why l'm hitting it of with a few at the moment. Personally l would've felt lucky to find even one l'd hit it off with on a dating site.
But because l can't really be fkd l just get back to them or email someone in that way and hey they seem to like it.
l've just say whatever and if they respond or like me they do and if they don't l'm neither here nor there tbh.

But l'm glad l feel like that because it seems to flow through and they appreciate the no pressure just chill thing . It's been weird , nice weird. l'm getting all these super chilled relaxed whatever things going on , quite nice l didn't expect that.


----------



## jpr

Yeah...AP. I have a very limited online dating experience, but I would definitely lose interest in someone who never wanted to actually meet. I think on average, I would communicate with someone for 3 days before setting up a meeting with them.

Otherwise, what is the point of a subscription? :scratchhead: Just join a chatroom if you want to talk to someone. Chatrooms are free, Match costs money.

I would imagine the type of girl who would still consider you an option after not talking to her for weeks would lack some self-esteem. ...but maybe I am wrong about that. That would be a total turn off for me. When I was on match, there seemed to be so many options. I just wouldn't have the time or patience to mess around with someone who exhibited such aloofness. ....there are plenty of fish out there. 

For the record, you continue to confuse me.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Ahh , your stuff make as much sense as any of us anyway AP :rofl: , puts mine to shame
> And the attitude one , she'd get on my nerves too , don't blame you . Mine has a blocker if we need one. Cruel to be kind :smthumbup:
> 
> 14 , holy smoke thems a lot of apples but l know what you mean with the bragging thing . lt sorta for me feels like ll might a bit to but we need to tell it how is on the other hand if we're gonna get some useful feedback so l dunno , fine line l spose .
> But hey 14 , l feel better now :rofl: Really there's only 3 or 4 out of mine so far and that's getting confusing.
> l'm only close to one or 2 though, for me l'm just enjoying a sort of friend thing with the others.
> 
> ps , stuff your pushy one wrote in her profile to me sounded a bit off too.


Yes Match can block completely. I have not needed to though, the crazies have my phone number anyway lol
It goes in phases, some days nothing happens other days like yesterday I look back at my activity and just scratch my head at how all that happened.
I/we seem to know by the 2nd or 3rd contact if it is not happening if not the 1st. Sometimes I know it isn't and just chat it up anyway, I did that with an exGF I saw on there and then we FB and texted and now she has a BF and we still talk here and there.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, he has written me a love letter.
> 
> A bona fide, legitimate love letter. That is long and beautiful and so carefully thought out, even describing what he loves about my name (no, not the confectionary candy you guys know me by, lol, but my real woman name) and says how when he first saw me he knew it wasn't "normal."
> 
> This letter (ok, email, but hey, we are living in modern times) is really something that I know he put a lot of time into and if I had any interest in him, I would probably be moved. But alas, my black jellybean heart is, while not, turned off by it, still not feeling palpitations for him since I told him awhile ago back that I was not into anything more with him after he flaked on me. (Of which he apologizes for his in letter--saying he was "busy.")
> 
> He also texted me today to say he'd emailed me to which I haven't responded (like the last ten of his texts and phone calls).
> 
> We went on two dates. That's it. (Though we've known eachother via social media/internet-styles longer). I have not seen him since the fall.
> 
> Oy. My jelly spell is fierce.



Haha , on ya JB . But hey who wouldn't be intrigued with Jelly Beans :rofl:

So what are you gonna do about him now anyway ?


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> No set time. Just feel it out, I am in no hurry. This current girl I am interested in if you want a time frame its been months lol. We have set twice this next weekend is the second time.
> But I have been on Match a bit lately now that work is slowing and maybe it's spring fever...and maybe I am getting tired of waiting for it to happen with her.


Well than MAKE it happen....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Well, guys, he has written me a love letter.
> 
> A bona fide, legitimate love letter. That is long and beautiful and so carefully thought out, even describing what he loves about my name (no, not the confectionary candy you guys know me by, lol, but my real woman name) and says how when he first saw me he knew it wasn't "normal."
> 
> This letter (ok, email, but hey, we are living in modern times) is really something that I know he put a lot of time into and if I had any interest in him, I would probably be moved. But alas, my black jellybean heart is, while not, turned off by it, still not feeling palpitations for him since I told him awhile ago back that I was not into anything more with him after he flaked on me. (Of which he apologizes for his in letter--saying he was "busy.")
> 
> He also texted me today to say he'd emailed me to which I haven't responded (like the last ten of his texts and phone calls).
> 
> We went on two dates. That's it. (Though we've known eachother via social media/internet-styles longer). I have not seen him since the fall.
> 
> Oy. My jelly spell is fierce.


Hahahahahahahagaga
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Yeah...AP. I have a very limited online dating experience, but I would definitely lose interest in someone who never wanted to actually meet. I think on average, I would communicate with someone for 3 days before setting up a meeting with them.
> 
> Otherwise, what is the point of a subscription? :scratchhead: Just join a chatroom if you want to talk to someone. Chatrooms are free, Match costs money.
> 
> I would imagine the type of girl who would still consider you an option after not talking to her for weeks would lack some self-esteem. ...but maybe I am wrong about that. That would be a total turn off for me. When I was on match, there seemed to be so many options. I just wouldn't have the time or patience to mess around with someone who exhibited such aloofness. ....there are plenty of fish out there.
> 
> For the record, you continue to confuse me


Ehh different strokes for different folks. And I am obviously not the norm lol. You guys sound like you are in the military or something with all these requirements. And again I am in no rush to be in any form of a serious relationship. If one happens it happens but I don't NEED anyone. 
I never said either of us didn't want to meet, it just hasn't worked out for one reason or another and I also sifted through a lot of women to end up with this one so I would think she is at the least a decent match up with my personality, in other words put up with my ****.

I don't really follow very many if any rules and everyone is different and two people can work together completely different then another two people. 
I have had a date after 2 messages.....and that was the worst date I have ever been on...and then here I am talking to the same woman for over 2 months and finally meeting up...hopefully 

Actually I see it as the complete opposite as a self esteem problem, she doesn't need me and is very independent.
I think she is very confident in herself which is good cause I need a strong woman. I want an equal not above me taking care of me and not below me taking care of her. 
For the record she turned off her profile a long time ago...not that I care if it's on or anything.

I have 2 out of my 3 sweet spots hit here with her, confidence and independence...if I find she has integrity she has got me if she wants me. I would wait a long time for this.

It's ok I confuse a lot of people, like I said I am not the norm


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Here's an example of a woman that I actually didn't even read her profile yet just her leading line and saw she was pretty and local. Her leading line was something like "2-5 relationships now start online, whats up with that?!"...
> And I messaged her "2-5 I know right?! I wonder what type of relationships they are talking about?"
> And then we emailed for a couple weeks and I was actually really digging her but then I just got busy with stuff and fell off the face of the planet as I tend to do so much.
> I actually was just thinking about her and tried to find her profile but couldn't...
> 
> I wonder what these women think of me when I do that to them? Probably not nice things :/




What does 2-5 mean anyway, how many's that ?

l read something like 1 in 5 the other day to , dunno if that was right .

l've been surprised though because a few girls have told me it's all anyone does now.
They said things like bars and clubs, through friends, never get anywhere and everyone's online now.

Been wondering about all this !


----------



## whitehawk

Guys , l don't look at any of us bragging do you .
l mean a lot of the girls and guys here have a few on the line they're figuring out and we need to bounce around the facts don't we.

Anyway , most of us have just come out of the worst misery of our lives , had our ass's kicked by people we loved in the worst possible ways , we deserve some fkg joy :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> What does 2-5 mean anyway, how many's that ?
> 
> l read something like 1 in 5 the other day to , dunno if that was right .
> 
> l've been surprised though because a few girls have told me it's all anyone does now.
> They said things like bars and clubs, through friends, never get anywhere and everyone's online now.
> 
> Been wondering about all this !


2 out of 5 is what I meant. 
In my opinion it is just another tool in the chest. I still go out with my friends and meet new people.


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> Yeah...AP. I have a very limited online dating experience, but I would definitely lose interest in someone who never wanted to actually meet. I think on average, I would communicate with someone for 3 days before setting up a meeting with them.
> 
> Otherwise, what is the point of a subscription? :scratchhead: Just join a chatroom if you want to talk to someone. Chatrooms are free, Match costs money.
> 
> I would imagine the type of girl who would still consider you an option after not talking to her for weeks would lack some self-esteem. ...but maybe I am wrong about that. That would be a total turn off for me. When I was on match, there seemed to be so many options. I just wouldn't have the time or patience to mess around with someone who exhibited such aloofness. ....there are plenty of fish out there.
> 
> For the record, you continue to confuse me.



Yeah l mean your right . l'm already getting called aloof and stuff , asked what l wanna do . l don't really care . Unless l really wanna meet someone they'll probably all give me the ass as they get sick of it one by one, l'm expecting that. 
l just don't really care right now they can move on if they want , whatever.

l'm just enjoying the talking and mixing right now. Maybe one comes a long that really blows me over enough to make me wanna meet , if she comes a long that's cool with me but if not , that too.
lf like one or 2 l'd rather talk to on the phone , l've just said straight away hey this emailing stuffs bs , can l call .
They've all been oh fk yeah with it straight off and we've called and stuff .

lt surprised me though really because from what l've read and heard about round here , there's some thing about calling too soon, asking to too, bla bla.
But they've all been straight into on mine so far.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> 2 out of 5 is what I meant.
> In my opinion it is just another tool in the chest. I still go out with my friends and meet new people.




Ah right . Spose that could easily be about right couldn't it.
Yeah if l actually had a social life haha , especially some partying on again like before my sep , l'd be seriously enjoying myself right now instead but - not much goin on anyway so !


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Ah right . Spose that could easily be about right couldn't it.
> Yeah if l actually had a social life haha , especially some partying on again like before my sep , l'd be seriously enjoying myself right now instead but - not much goin on anyway so !


I'd party around with you boss! 



JPR I was thinking about that self esteem comment you made. I don't or expect at all that she is sitting waiting around for me...If that's what you mean, I would not be attracted to that kind of behavior!
Hell I have texted her just waiting to have the last text but sooner or later she always texts again! It's like an AHHHH WTF moment, leave me hanging for once...but alas she never does which makes me intrigued that much more lol


----------



## ne9907

Checking in to say I endorse Tinder.
It is fun!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Ehh different strokes for different folks. And I am obviously not the norm lol. You guys sound like you are in the military or something with all these requirements. And again I am in no rush to be in any form of a serious relationship. If one happens it happens but I don't NEED anyone.
> I never said either of us didn't want to meet, it just hasn't worked out for one reason or another and I also sifted through a lot of women to end up with this one so I would think she is at the least a decent match up with my personality, in other words put up with my ****.
> 
> I don't really follow very many if any rules and everyone is different and two people can work together completely different then another two people.
> I have had a date after 2 messages.....and that was the worst date I have ever been on...and then here I am talking to the same woman for over 2 months and finally meeting up...hopefully
> 
> Actually I see it as the complete opposite as a self esteem problem, she doesn't need me and is very independent.
> I think she is very confident in herself which is good cause I need a strong woman. I want an equal not above me taking care of me and not below me taking care of her.
> For the record she turned off her profile a long time ago...not that I care if it's on or anything.
> 
> I have 2 out of my 3 sweet spots hit here with her, confidence and independence...if I find she has integrity she has got me if she wants me. I would wait a long time for this.
> 
> It's ok I confuse a lot of people, like I said I am not the norm




Haha same here . l know straight away , l don't do rules and l know too well how it usually goes if you go rushing out . 
l'm saving them from themselves :rofl: because l already know .
Most girls don't seem to work like that though they think they better try it anyway to be sure , l don't have to.
But trying it anyway to be sure just takes them of the scene for a few mths , knocks people about emotionally and wastes yrs l reckon. This is why a lot of them have been single so long, dead ends. 
My sister does this, wastes time on dead ends so now she's late 40s , might be early 50 not sure but her whole love life has just been a series of one dead end after the other.
l said to her once , don't you actually think about what you feel before you go wasting time with him.
Always the same answer , well how do you know if you don't try but you do know , well l do anyway .
People will argue with this and 2x4 but hey , so many people do it. But l can't be fkd with it myself and l've already always known anyway so why bother .


----------



## whitehawk

There's only one out of al my stuff right now.
She's an absolute classic , if l meet anyone she'll be it, l know that already , have since we first spoke.
The others are really nice if l do say so myself and a couple are pushing to meet but l just feel like saying - why ?
Your a real nice girl l can see that but hey , can't you tell it's flat ?
Same thin g , first thing they'd say is but how do you know if you don't try, you haven't even met me ra ra ?

Anyway , drum roll haha . The only one l might meet and would love to , if it doesn't go belly up in the meantime :rofl: , is te one we email, ring , email email, ring , email , text , ring ring , email.
She is an absolute classic and we just have this bizarre really personal thing goin on.
She's the one l'll meet if it doesn't turn to [email protected] .
She's an effn nurse , like my ex - wtf , l swore l'd never touch another nurse


----------



## whitehawk

Oh yeah , with the exception of one other just love her type l'm still hoping to hear back from yet because l don't think she's been in since l emailed her.
Or , she don't like me but ah well if so then so be it .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I'd party around with you boss!
> 
> 
> 
> JPR I was thinking about that self esteem comment you made. I don't or expect at all that she is sitting waiting around for me...If that's what you mean, I would not be attracted to that kind of behavior!
> Hell I have texted her just waiting to have the last text but sooner or later she always texts again! It's like an AHHHH WTF moment, leave me hanging for once...but alas she never does which makes me intrigued that much more lol





Ahh thanks for that AP, same here and it means a lot right now :smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> I'd party around with you boss!
> 
> 
> 
> JPR I was thinking about that self esteem comment you made. I don't or expect at all that she is sitting waiting around for me...If that's what you mean, I would not be attracted to that kind of behavior!
> Hell I have texted her just waiting to have the last text but sooner or later she always texts again! It's like an AHHHH WTF moment, leave me hanging for once...but alas she never does which makes me intrigued that much more lol



Maybe she doesn't have self-esteem issues....maybe she is just bored right now and doesn't have any other options on her plate at this moment?

Who knows.

What I do know is this: I like a man to make an effort, and I have no patience for those who don't.

I was having dinner with a girlfriend last night--we were talking about this exact same thing. I set her up with one of my hat's friends this weekend. He clearly made an effort to make good impression....and he is making an effort to set up their 2nd date. She is 10 years younger than me, but even at her age she has lost all patience for aloofness and the "eh"-attitude that some men exhibit when they date.


We all make time for things that are important to us.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> So, TAM friends, I'm feeling a little down today. My cat, Phoebe, passed away early this morning. Because of the snowstorm I couldn't get her to the vet yesterday, and I got up early to take her first thing this morning, but it was too late, and she had passed in the night. I took her to the vet, and they're taking care of the after-care; I'll get her ashes back next week.
> 
> It's hard, because sometimes I think that I might not have made it through the last few years - especially the last 18 months - without her. Finally, lately, I've been feeling good about my life as it is now, even HAPPY with my life now, and then this happens. It's like as soon as you get back on your feet again, life decides to punch you in the gut again.


FIP,  So sorry you lost your friend.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Unless I'm going to bed, I usually reply whether it's immediately or 20 minutes later. Does that appear like esteem issues? I just thought that was being polite and not playing games. 

But if you just want some conversation and don't want to meet anyone or get into all of that, why are you even ON a dating site? How frustrating and annoying to the women who are interested in you.

I think I need to delete any/all of my profiles since I've been doing the online dating thing for almost 10 years. Probably looks like I'm a loser. Instead I've had 3 relationships and have taken many a hiatus but a profile doesn't show down time.

Working on me, my career and my home improvement stuff this spring. I'm staying off the market for the next 6 months or so.


----------



## Fenix

I guess I am doing the online thing wrong! I never respond if I have no interest. And, even if I have been chatting (a bit) I will drop it if I am getting the sense that it just won't work or too busy. This has also happened to me...and that's ok. My ego doesn't get invested until I actually meet the guy. I look at it like grocery shopping. Some items I pass right by, some I will pick up the packet and read the ingredients and some will get placed in the cart.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Maybe she doesn't have self-esteem issues....maybe she is just bored right now and doesn't have any other options on her plate at this moment?
> 
> Who knows.
> 
> What I do know is this: I like a man to make an effort, and I have no patience for those who don't.
> 
> I was having dinner with a girlfriend last night--we were talking about this exact same thing. I set her up with one of my hat's friends this weekend. He clearly made an effort to make good impression....and he is making an effort to set up their 2nd date. She is 10 years younger than me, but even at her age she has lost all patience for aloofness and the "eh"-attitude that some men exhibit when they date.
> 
> 
> We all make time for things that are important to us.


You want some man to fall all over to get to you I get it. But you are not a prize to be won you are a person, just another human being. In reality that is so demeaning, both ways. It emasculates the man and enslaves the woman.

Let me rephrase it. Do you want to be a princess and be locked up at home taking care of some bully of a man or would you like to be an equal and climb Mount Everest with me?

Please I say none of this with disrespect to you or anyone else that might get offended


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> You want some man to fall all over to get to you I get it. But you are not a prize to be won you are a person, just another human being. In reality that is so demeaning, both ways. It emasculates the man and enslaves the woman.
> 
> Let me rephrase it. Do you want to be a princess and be locked up at home taking care of some bully of a man or would you like to be an equal and climb Mount Everest with me?
> 
> Please I say none of this with disrespect to you or anyone else that might get offended


Hahahaahah. This made me laugh out loud. I am about as far from a princess as they come. Hahahahaha. 

Hahahahaaha.
Nevermind, AP. ...keep on keeping on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> *You want some man to fall all over to get to you I get it. But you are not a prize to be won you are a person, just another human being. In reality that is so demeaning, both ways. It emasculates the man and enslaves the woman.*
> 
> Let me rephrase it. Do you want to be a princess and be locked up at home taking care of some bully of a man or would you like to be an equal and climb Mount Everest with me?
> 
> Please I say none of this with disrespect to you or anyone else that might get offended


Making an effort isnt the same as falling all over someone. :scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

I make an effort at my life. I am not going to make an effort at someone elses life. 
If she wants to come along with me she can. 
I like her a lot, we talked until we had to sleep last night. 

I'm thinking I should add a disclaimer to my profile here...

How's "This is just some idiot on the internets opinion(me)"?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Another Planet said:


> I make an effort at my life. I am not going to make an effort at someone elses life.
> If she wants to come along with me she can.


Yes. Add this to your profile


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> *I make an effort at my life. I am not going to make an effort at someone elses life.
> If she wants to come along with me she can. *I like her a lot, we talked until we had to sleep last night.
> 
> I'm thinking I should add a disclaimer to my profile here...
> 
> How's "This is just some idiot on the internets opinion(me)"?


Let me see if I am following this correctly...you want them to be okay with you leaving them hanging for the night or the week or the month, whatever it is that tickles your fancy. They should be okay coming along for YOUR ride and you want to extend the least amount of effort into them as possible??

And if a woman wants the man to extend effort, she is a princess and wants him to fall all over her? Seriously?

Sounds to me like you think you are the prize. No? You like them as long as they fall in line with your way of thinking. 

Newslfash- Alloof only makes a man look like a jackass. Nothing else. The "I don't have much time, so you are going to have to come to me" game is a major turn-off. 

Sorry, dude...but that is a jacked up attitude to have in regards to dating. In my opinion, you have no business even putting yourself out there if you are not going to go in 100% just like those women are.


----------



## Another Planet

lol and here's another short passive aggressive comment from a guy on TAM


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Let me see if I am following this correctly...you want them to be okay with you leaving them hanging for the night or the week or the month, whatever it is that tickles your fancy. They should be okay coming along for YOUR ride and you want to extend the least amount of effort into them as possible??
> 
> And if a woman wants the man to extend effort, she is a princess and wants him to fall all over her? Seriously?
> 
> Sounds to me like you think you are the prize. No? You like them as long as they fall in line with your way of thinking.
> 
> Newslfash- Alloof only makes a man look like a jackass. Nothing else. The "I don't have much time, so you are going to have to come to me" game is a major turn-off.
> 
> Sorry, dude...but that is a jacked up attitude to have in regards to dating. In my opinion, you have no business even putting yourself out there if you are not going to go in 100% just like those women are.


You guys are the ones making the assumption I have not made an effort... or aloofness. 

And name calling makes everyone look like a jackass.

I am not ever going to go in 100%. Why would I sacrifice my self for someone else. This is the princess attitude I am referring to. 

You guys are the ones saying a guy has to come get you. I never said she has to come get me.

She can do whatever she wants, I do not own her.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> You guys are the ones making the assumption I have not made an effort... or aloofness.
> 
> And name calling makes everyone look like a jackass.
> 
> I am not ever going to go in 100%. Why would I sacrifice my self for someone else. This is the princess attitude I am referring to.
> 
> You guys are the ones saying a guy has to come get you. I never said she has to come get me.
> 
> She can do whatever she wants, I do not own her.


I didn't call you a jackass...I said a guy being aloof makes him look like a jackass.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> You guys are the ones making the assumption I have not made an effort... or aloofness.
> 
> And name calling makes everyone look like a jackass.
> 
> I am not ever going to go in 100%. Why would I sacrifice my self for someone else. This is the princess attitude I am referring to.
> 
> You guys are the ones saying a guy has to come get you. I never said she has to come get me.
> 
> She can do whatever she wants, I do not own her.


We are not saying give 100% of your soul to another women, but when you are dating...you are either 100% ready and willing to meet her half way or you are not. And if you are not, than you have no business putting yourself out there. 

Dating takes effort. 

And JPR never said that the guy has to come to her...but they do have to put themselves out there as much as she is willing too.


----------



## Another Planet

I am not arguing against any of your view points on life. Please live it as you want and I will support it. I just would like to live my life the way I want. And I obviously have very different viewpoints then you guys.
I like you all and don't want to step on any toes.
I hope I am not offending anyone.


----------



## jpr

To each his own....

I am just curious how this dating strategy will pan out for AP. 


I was just giving my input about what I found attractive and got my attention while I was dating. ....take it or leave it.


It sounds like you are happy with your own strategy, AP....and finding success. Good for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> You guys are the ones making the assumption I have not made an effort... or aloofness.


Well Another we are only going off of what you told us... that you sometimes dont text back for days, have broken several potential dates, and now want her to just come along for the ride... 




Another Planet said:


> I am not ever going to go in 100%. Why would I sacrifice my self for someone else. This is the princess attitude I am referring to.


No one here wants to take a 100% of someone else, almost all of us here were the BS that our selfish spouses put us through the ringer making US jump though hoops to try to keep them... I think we have all learned someone putting a 100% of themselves into someone else is a bad thing....

that being said a realtionship is a two way street and effort needs to be made on both sides... personally I want someone who is willing to put in the same level of effort as me... 

And JRP is not a princess, she is an extremely thoughtful individual ... JPR does wonderful things for her BF like making him is a special hot sauce or dinner that he loves...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Well Another we are only going off of what you told us... that you sometimes dont text back for days, have broken several potential dates, and now want her to just come along for the ride...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> No one here wants to take a 100% of someone else, almost all of us here were the BS that our selfish spouses put us through the ringer making US jump though hoops to try to keep them... I think we have all learned someone putting a 100% of themselves into someone else is a bad thing....
> 
> that being said a realtionship is a two way street and effort needs to be made on both sides... personally I want someone who is willing to put in the same level of effort as me...
> 
> And JRP is not a princess, she is an extremely thoughtful individual ... JPR does wonderful things for her BF like making him is a special hot sauce or dinner that he loves...


I agree that dating, like any equal relationship means meeting halfway... But I do get the point AP is making... Initiation is all up to the guy, atleast in the dating game so how exactly is that "equal"? But it is the nature of the sexes.

However, if AP is really garnering as many winks and hellos as he suggests then I don't think that generalization applies to him, he has no idea how equal it is like for guys that don't happen to attract women's attention at first glance like flies to honey.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Well Another we are only going off of what you told us... *that you sometimes dont text back for days, have broken several potential dates, and now want her to just come along for the ride*...
> 
> No one here wants to take a 100% of someone else, almost all of us here were the BS that our selfish spouses put us through the ringer making US jump though hoops to try to keep them... I think we have all learned someone putting a 100% of themselves into someone else is a bad thing....
> 
> that being said a realtionship is a two way street and effort needs to be made on both sides... personally I want someone who is willing to put in the same level of effort as me...
> 
> And JRP is not a princess, she is an extremely thoughtful individual ... JPR does wonderful things for her BF like making him is a special hot sauce or dinner that he loves...


Yes sometimes I don't talk to her for days, that would change as time goes on I am sure. I have 3kids to take care of and am a single dad, my life can get crazy sometimes. Hers also, I am secure in myself enough to appreciate her personal space.
I have broken dates yes. Because of work, she understands it has nothing to do with her. 
"Come along for the ride"...you guys make it sound negative. I am going to keep doing my thing. I want an equal, if she wants to join me in my life and let me into hers I would like that very much.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> I agree that dating, like any equal relationship means meeting halfway... But I do get the point AP is making... Initiation is all up to the guy, atleast in the dating game so how exactly is that "equal"? But it is the nature of the sexes.
> 
> However, if AP is really garnering as many winks and hellos as he suggests then I don't think that generalization applies to him, he has no idea how equal it is like for guys that don't happen to attract women's attention at first glance like flies to honey.


I am nothing special. Other then my personality I guess lol if so many disagree with me.
I am just me and will continue to be me and become more me every single day.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Well Another we are only going off of what you told us... that you sometimes dont text back for days, have broken several potential dates, and now want her to just come along for the ride...
> 
> No one here wants to take a 100% of someone else, almost all of us here were the BS that our selfish spouses put us through the ringer making US jump though hoops to try to keep them... I think we have all learned someone putting a 100% of themselves into someone else is a bad thing....
> 
> that being said a realtionship is a two way street and effort needs to be made on both sides... personally I want someone who is willing to put in the same level of effort as me...
> 
> And JRP is not a princess, she is an extremely thoughtful individual ... JPR does wonderful things for her BF like making him is a special hot sauce or dinner that he loves...


This is a very interesting topic. I like metaphors, so here you go:

Say you find a great job in your field. You're doing what you love, and there are lots of opportunities to grow and develop professionally. The work leaves you feeling very satisfied, and you look forward to going to work in the morning. It's a pleasant atmosphere, your co-workers are great, everyone is respectful and works hard, the pay is great, and the benefits are killer.

Would you put in 100% at that job, to make sure that you keep this great thing going? Or do you say, "Look, I'm going to do what I want to do (regardless of what my actual job is), I might dress appropriately for work, I might not, I might show up, I might not, I'll probably be late a lot and call out sick all the time... and HR should be OK with that, and keep paying me."

You do the first option, of course! It goes without saying that if you chose the second, your ass would be out the door in a hot second, but that's not why you choose the first option. You choose the first option because, in a good situation, it doesn't feel like work. It's easy to put in 100% because the other party is also putting in their 100%, and that makes you WANT to put in 100%.

I think that's the way a good relationship should work; both people are actively investing in one another, not because they feel they HAVE to, but because they WANT to. Because they care about the other person's happiness.

I want my man - whoever he is, wherever he is, since I haven't found him yet - to put in 100%. Not because I'm a princess or because I want someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself, I can change out a spare tire and use power tools. My guy will put in 100% because he cares about my happiness, and I will do the same for him. We'll put an effort in because the success of the relationship is important to both of us.

A man who isn't willing to put in that amount of effort doesn't deserve my time or attention. I'm not saying this because I'm a princess, extra-special, or a high-maintenance woman. *I'm saying this because I am a human being who is worthy of being loved.* We are all worthy of love, decent treatment, appreciation, and respect.


----------



## bravenewworld

Feminist in Pink has a great metaphor. I totally understand wanting to keep it casual and see if that person fits your lifestyle (and vice versa) but I think for successful women a man being indirect, coy, or aloof is a turnoff. If a guy took days to respond to a text or kept canceling dates I'd think he didn't have his life together. Also, I think canceling repeatedly shows a certain disrespect for another person's time which isn't cool in developing business or personal relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Does anyone completely have their life together? I am sure at least the majority here thought that at one point, that everything was perfect and we were in the best place in life. And look at where we are now. Single and talking about relationships on a marriage forum because someone obliterated their dream life that they thought they had. But that is all it was, just a dream because in reality your SO who you thought loved you over anything else was purposely destroying you. What you don't think it can happen again?

I am a realist and at heart a humanist. I have love for everyone at some level.

50% for the win! At least for me anyway, you guys do what ever is in your heart.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I am nothing special. Other then my personality I guess lol if so many disagree with me.
> I am just me and will continue to be me and become more me every single day.


I saw your pic awhile ago and it struck me right away that you look like the kind of guy lots of women tend to go for to find out if your personality would be compatible with what they are seeking. I suppose this is a compliment to you, but is not the purpose of me saying so.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Does anyone completely have their life together? I am sure at least the majority here thought that at one point, that everything was perfect and we were in the best place in life. And look at where we are now. Single and talking about relationships on a marriage forum because someone obliterated their dream life that they thought they had. But that is all it was, just a dream because in reality your SO who you thought loved you over anything else was purposely destroying you. What you don't think it can happen again?
> 
> I am a realist and at heart a humanist. I have love for everyone at some level.
> 
> 50% for the win! At least for me anyway, you guys do what ever is in your heart.



im curious, Another, what is your definition of "your life being together"?


----------



## Another Planet

I don't have a definition because I believe it doesn't exist. I don't really believe in absolutes, there is no black and white only shades of grey.

I suppose if I had to say something to describe it it would be a way of life not a place you are in. To be able to be yourself and not be hindered by people or situations or objects.


----------



## jpr

I am sorry,.ap......but you are making no sense.


----------



## jpr

We as humans are dymanic beings.

The notion that "I am who I am and that's all I am" is juvenille.

We should be reflective on our life and habits.

My ex had that attitude. He was often an ass to other people, and his excuse was "This is just who IAm.....I cant help it".

It is a very egocentric view of the world.


----------



## lisab0105




----------



## unsure78

Another, have you spent any time in therapy.. not like marriage counseling but like IC?

Im curious, as i am trying very much to understand your view points on things... do you know what your root issues are, have you explored that?


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> We as humans are dymanic beings.
> 
> The notion that "I am who I am and that's all I am" is juvenille.
> 
> We should be reflective on our life and habits.
> 
> My ex had that attitude. He was often an ass to other people, and his excuse was "This is just who IAm.....I cant help it".
> 
> It is a very egocentric view of the world.


I am not an ass so I hope you are not insinuating that. 
Some of you seem to be reflecting your past on me. I am truly sorry you had to meet someone like that JPR.

I might be egocentric but only because I believe you are for the most part responsible for yourself but I am one of the most generous people you would ever meet...but your will never get more then 50% of me, if it hits that level you get dropped like a "hat".

I do not want to hurt anyone, on purpose anyway.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another, have you spent any time in therapy.. not like marriage counseling but like IC?
> 
> Im curious, as i am trying very much to understand your view points on things... do you know what your root issues are, have you explored that?


No, and why are you guys all saying there is a problem with me?
Just because I don't agree with jumping through womens hoops and playing their games?
I do not make her play any games and will never. I am not lower then her and do not need to be treated like a dog and her the same. 

Listen if it means I will be single for ever I am totally fine with that. 
I have a lot of women in my life as it is, I was just hoping to find someone to spend some good times with and share the spoils of my wars.


----------



## Another Planet

I understand you guys think by not talking to her for a couple days and having to break a date because it snowed like hell is disrespectful but what if it's cool with her? 
Her and I have already discussed it, she totally understands.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> No, and why are you guys all saying there is a problem with me?
> Just because I don't agree with jumping through womens hoops and playing their games?
> I do not make her play any games and will never. I am not lower then her and do not need to be treated like a dog and her the same.
> 
> Listen if it means I will be single for ever I am totally fine with that.
> I have a lot of women in my life as it is, I was just hoping to find someone to spend some good times with and share the spoils of my wars.



everyone has issues Another... 

Im just trying to understand your view point on things, since it differs so greatly than my own personal view point... like you said to each his own, but im trying to understand your view point


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> everyone has issues Another...
> 
> Im just trying to understand your view point on things, since it differs so greatly than my own personal view point... like you said to each his own, but im trying to understand your view point


Gotcha. In all honesty when I am saying 50% its probably just tough talk in response to the way my wife treated me. Somewhere I read when in a relationship it should be 60%/60% no one should give to much but it should be pretty equal...and yes I know 60%+60%=120% lol I think that was the point they were trying to make.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I don't know AP, sounds like you have alot of walls up at the moment. 

You don't want to get hurt, you don't want to hurt anyone, you are at the whole "this is who I am get over it" mindset...

Just sounds like you really aren't ready to date, IMO. 

And by date, I mean actively find someone to have that one on one relationship with. I don't think you have a problem casually dating when you can find the time. But don't think you are ready to put all the effort and commitment it takes to get into an actual relationship. 

Am I way off base?


----------



## Lon

near the beginning of my current relationship my GF suggested I have walls up... I had already told her I had some walls, and what they were and how I've adjusted to either knock them down or leave up the important ones. Do I have trust issues? maybe, certainly more than before I was cheated on then left, but I like to think the experience taught me more about myself than the amount of damage it took on me. Will I blindly trust ever again? no way, but that doesn't mean someone won't earn my trust, nor do I withold it or use it as a reward. I will not however leave myself, or a significant other, in a position where I am dependent on them for my own purpose in life, despite the seemingly strong inbuilt need for many women to cultivate this in their men.


----------



## bravenewworld

For the record AP I don't think there's anything wrong with what you are doing - I am only ready to casually date myself. I just think it's important to be upfront with people and let them know "hey this is where I'm at" without ego or bitterness. Even if it seems premature it leads to less hurt feelings on their end and guilt on ours. 

Also we have to make sure our actions match our words and not lead people on with too much emotional intimacy if that's not where our heads and hearts are at. My first dating experience after D I definitely was flattered by so much attention and my words were not always matching my actions, which was confusing for the person I was seeing. In retrospect I wish I would have handled certain aspects differently. 

Also I really don't think the examples you gave of women "playing games" was them doing so - just them living their lives in a way that perhaps is not compatible with yours.


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> I suppose if I had to say something to describe it it would be a way of life not a place you are in. To be able to be yourself and not be hindered by people or situations or objects.


For me "having my life together" means living in an ethical way for myself, making my own decisions, and taking responsibility for those decisions with grace and consideration for others. However, I refuse to live my life to please others.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> No, and why are you guys all saying there is a problem with me?
> *Just because I don't agree with jumping through womens hoops and playing their games?
> I do not make her play any games and will never. *I am not lower then her and do not need to be treated like a dog and her the same.
> 
> Listen if it means I will be single for ever I am totally fine with that.
> I have a lot of women in my life as it is, I was just hoping to find someone to spend some good times with and share the spoils of my wars.


I just think you are very off base where these "games" women play are concerned.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't know AP, sounds like you have alot of walls up at the moment.
> 
> You don't want to get hurt, you don't want to hurt anyone, you are at the whole "this is who I am get over it" mindset...
> 
> Just sounds like you really aren't ready to date, IMO.
> 
> And by date, I mean actively find someone to have that one on one relationship with. I don't think you have a problem casually dating when you can find the time. But don't think you are ready to put all the effort and commitment it takes to get into an actual relationship.
> 
> Am I way off base?


I am not ready to build a LTR.

I am though ready to start spending time with the opposite sex and I do hope that if I am completely upfront with everything there is nothing wrong. I do not like however leading them on, that really makes me feel bad. I also don't want to do the speed dating thing banging them out every couple of days... I don't like the idea of that.



lisab0105 said:


> I just think you are very off base where these "games" women play are concerned.


Well like I said I have a lot of women in my life and I see what they do and how they treat their men. And as I have previously stated the majority of my life I have had mostly women friends.
I am not saying all of them...well I guess everyone for the most part has a version of a game that they play, some have good intentions others are very very bad.
I know most of you ladies mean well with your tests and stuff, just keeping things in line right?


----------



## Another Planet

I am so ready to talk about something else guys lol

So hows them bears?


----------



## Another Planet

Heres a bear


----------



## jpr

Change of subject....

My boyfriend and have been talking a lot about marriage lately. 

He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....and I want the same.


----------



## Another Planet

That is awesome! Congrats jpr!


----------



## Ikaika

jpr said:


> Change of subject....
> 
> My boyfriend and have been talking a lot about marriage lately.
> 
> He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....and I want the same.



Can we have a TAM online wedding? You need to stream it.


----------



## Ikaika

Delete... Wrong thread


----------



## bravenewworld

Aw jpr great news! Really happy for you both. 

On the casual dating front - date #2 with swedish chef tonight. We're going to dinner then attend a comedy show in the park. He planned everything - I am pleased! Love when a guy does that. 

He's picking me up at my place, we both keep joking that we're going to bring our own chloroform/duct tape. Ah, the joys of getting to know someone!


----------



## doureallycare2

Another Planet said:


> Yes sometimes I don't talk to her for days, that would change as time goes on I am sure. I have 3kids to take care of and am a single dad, my life can get crazy sometimes. Hers also, I am secure in myself enough to appreciate her personal space.
> I have broken dates yes. Because of work, she understands it has nothing to do with her.
> "Come along for the ride"...you guys make it sound negative. I am going to keep doing my thing. I want an equal, if she wants to join me in my life and let me into hers I would like that very much.


Let me talk to you from maybe your mom’s perspective which you will probably disregard anyways as being old fashion and therefore not valuable. However, I raised two boys who have very good and loving relationships right now and I like to think that some of that is due to my teaching them over the years about love, respect, courtesy, commitment and responsibility.
I think a key thing to remember is your dealing with someone’s emotions and life. Do you necessarily have to talk to someone every day? Of course not, it totally depends on the dynamic of the two people involved but saying that;

Are you showing the person respect when you put something else above them? Are you showing them you care about them by calling or texting that your thinking about them or asking how their day is going? What kind of notice do you give before you cancel? How often and for what reasons would she cancel on you? If we all went around disregarding commitments we have made for our time with other people (and a lot of us do) we are showing those around us that (your three children, co-workers, friends, TMZ) that we are selfish and respecting others is not a priority. All that matters is myself gratification, not only are you doing yourself, the other person a disservice but society as a whole. Thank God Gandhi or Lincoln or Martin Luther king didn’t think that way. And if the “women” in your life accept that type of behavior then they are only enabling the Egocentric behavior you claim to have. Why? What has happened to them that they don’t believe or can’t stand up to someone that fails to show them the respect that they really do deserve… You need to value others and their time as highly as you value your own.
Emergency’s happen, storms happen. No one is saying those aren’t valid cancelations. But if you have a habit (3-4 time every couple months) of canceling she should dump you. Sorry, just my opinion…


----------



## Another Planet

I wish you guys would not automatically assume the worst about me

I feel like a dart board, but I understand you all only know what I share. No one in real life is yelling at me, if anything they are applauding me moving on and the progress I have made. 
I could handle the getting yelled at a bunch when I was talking about the married and involved women because that was the truth and what I was doing was wrong. But I am not doing anything wrong here and no one is getting hurt. 

For the record I really like talking to her, I would really like to talk to her everyday, I would really like to talk to her every morning and night...but ATM that would really creepy. So all I can do is go out on a date with her Saturday and talk to her every once in a while when she is interested and I have time. Plus I do not want to get my hopes up...which I already am.

I don't know where you guys are getting these. I have not belittled any one and I said egocentric as a response to I can't remember whos post saying that I am. God this is like snowballing here...

She texted me at like 7 last night asking is we could talk and we chatted until 11 and said our good nights to each other.....I didn't even realize we talked for so long until I just looked at my phone right now.


----------



## Lon

Vortex time... The minimal conversation I ever have with my gf is 3 hrs.

Don't worry about snowball effect here, only you can decide what you need in life, but see what I've seen is that people here actually respond to what you write, it is a compliment to have TAM folk lecturing to you!


----------



## Fenix

jpr said:


> I am sorry,.ap......but you are making no sense.


Oh, sure he is. I am just not sure I believe it.  All this is easy to say when no one has really gotten your interest.

eta: hmmm...I just read the last post.


----------



## Another Planet

What don't you believe? 
Ok I feel like I have been defending myself for a couple of days now. I have nothing to hide and don't have time for lies. If anyone seriously has any questions to clean this up I will happy to answer them. 
Going over the last couple days in my head and I am just like what...


----------



## jpr

So, I was saying how I set up my friend with one of my bf's friends this weekend.

The friend just messaged me and asked me for my friend's work address. He is going to send her flowers.

Awwww.


----------



## jpr

She also mentioned to me last night that this fellow really wasn't the type that she usually goes for. She is usually attracted to someone with an 'edge'...sort of the hipster type.

But, those types of guys usually don't treat her that well. They call her or text her at strange hours, and wait until the last minute to make plans.

The guy I set her up with was a perfect gentleman...opened doors for her...was polite and complimented her. She said that it made her want to give him a try. Her roommate told her that perhaps he is barking up the wrong tree with the hipster-types. 

This guy said that his mom was a Marine, and she taught him how to treat a lady...how to have manners....how to be respectful to people around him. 

So, it was sort of refreshing that his personality and manner gave him an 'in' with her--instead of relying his looks, this guy makes a good impression with his behaviors.


----------



## unsure78

Yes gentlemanly and manners i like thoes as well... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Yes gentlemanly and manners i like thoes as well...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have yet to find a guy that has these qualities in my adventures of dating....


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I have yet to find a guy that has these qualities in my adventures of dating....


I have had a couple, often the ones with a military background...

How are you doing VI?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm doing ok. House is quiet. Khloe seems to be doing just fine and is completely different. As in I think she is an only dog type of dog. More personality, listening better, playing with her toys more...I do miss Chance, but I do have to say its been alot easier dealing with 1 dog. My sister keeps saying I should adopt another but I think I'm going to enjoy just Khloe for a bit.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm doing ok. House is quiet. Khloe seems to be doing just fine and is completely different. As in I think she is an only dog type of dog. More personality, listening better, playing with her toys more...I do miss Chance, but I do have to say its been alot easier dealing with 1 dog. My sister keeps saying I should adopt another but I think I'm going to enjoy just Khloe for a bit.


Glad you're doing better, vi.


----------



## moxy

You know what feels better than paying attention to broken-heartedness, better than dating someone new and wondering whether your baggages are compatible, better than wondering if you'll ever get over the love of your life or the mistrust its devastation has instilled in you? Excessively naughty text message conversations with a hot FWB. Yes. My ego is sufficiently puffed up today and I don't want to think about sadness or missing the one who isn't around, just revel in the ideas of possibility and opportunity and self-indulgence.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Eh, sometimes the things that turn us off or we rant about don't make sense to others and this is about being single.
> 
> I know some women make a guy a favorite in the hopes that he'll see that and strike up a conversation when they are too shy to message first.
> 
> As to baggage, yeah he's on there with baggage and not wanting women with baggage - AP you have to understand they are out there for the same reason you are. They probably don't want double the baggage either. Maybe your profile suggests you don't have any? There's no real way to know how long someone has been divorced unless they state it in their profile.



l'm really flattered when someone favorites me it's a compliment and l'll take all.of those l can get right now :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another 10 pages , how the hell am l suppose to catch up . l do have a life you know . Oh hang , no l don't , should be right


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I am so misunderstood. I would love to meet some of you in person maybe there is a language barrier going on.
> And again the baggage I am referring to is not what you guys seem to be referring to...or maybe it is I don't know obviously.
> I don't care if someone has kids, divorced, debt, crazy mother...etc. Has a job, own place, own life, and is moderately experienced in life would be awesome.



Ahh , it's just called the internet AP . Things always get muddled up over the net , grain of salt mate .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I understand you guys think by not talking to her for a couple days and having to break a date because it snowed like hell is disrespectful but what if it's cool with her?
> Her and I have already discussed it, she totally understands.



It's bs AP . You have a busy life , [email protected] happens , she gets that . l can't see a problem.


----------



## whitehawk

l'm so really liking my - email -phone-text-email,email,email,phone,email text chick.
lt really is like we have this secret little world going on.
The stuff we talk about , the terms and expressions , l can't explain it but it's fkg freaking us out.
We should be meeting but we don't wanna spoil our little sanction. 
l have to close everyone else off , there's no point and l just can't be bothered with anyone else they aren't even in the same hemisphere as our stuff . 

We're trying to decide if we should go to this festival this wk end , both only too aware that our online and phone world could be blown to smithereens once we actually meet in person OR , it could go even crazier from there .

Do we risk spoiling it , just yet ?
We don't wanna talk to anyone else or do anything , we just wanna keep getting back to our own little private world that no one else will ever understand .

lsn't that crazy beautiful 16 .


----------



## RandomDude

> Excessively naughty text message conversations with a hot FWB. Yes. My ego is sufficiently puffed up today and I don't want to think about sadness or missing the one who isn't around, just revel in the ideas of possibility and opportunity and self-indulgence.


You're lucky, as two of mine just went bust; one became clingy, the other has met someone who can give her lovey doveys instead of just sex. Bah!

I think my target market is rather bad for FWBs really - late 20s as many are approaching their 30s and more interested in relationships / LTR potential. Guess I can go next time with younger or older from 20-25 to 30-35, avoiding my age group.


----------



## whitehawk

Oh nooooo.
If anyone checked it's probly been 5mins since my last post right.
Well , l was going in to talk to her.

What's happened , a favorite l emailed 2 wks ago but l "think" , she just hasn't been back in , has finally replied.
l knew this would happen.

l haven't read it but the preview thingo shows the first 2 lines and she wants to talk .
fk fk fk . Right when l was all sorted and couldn't wait to get back to our world with the other one.

And there's another email from the other one of a wk ago . She was really nice but it was just flat. l thought l sorted it but again , in the preview line there was somem about meeting up .

[email protected]@k 

Well l'm going back to our little world for now , deal with the other stuff tomorrow. Just needed to come and fkg yell somewhere 
Wish me luck.


----------



## moxy

Or, just quit worrying about targets and worry more about who is available and hot. It's not about a long term relationship, after all, just filling a need you both have.




RandomDude said:


> You're lucky, as two of mine just went bust; one became clingy, the other has met someone who can give her lovey doveys instead of just sex. Bah!
> 
> I think my target market is rather bad for FWBs really - late 20s as many are approaching their 30s and more interested in relationships / LTR potential. Guess I can go next time with younger or older from 20-25 to 30-35, avoiding my age group.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Or, just quit worrying about targets and worry more about who is available and hot. It's not about a long term relationship, after all, just filling a need you both have.


Sure, but I consider it more like "qualifying" hehe

It's not just available + hot, it's also + no strings attached/expectations


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> You're lucky, as two of mine just went bust; one became clingy, the other has met someone who can give her lovey doveys instead of just sex. Bah!
> 
> I think my target market is rather bad for FWBs really - late 20s as many are approaching their 30s and more interested in relationships / LTR potential. Guess I can go next time with younger or older from 20-25 to 30-35, avoiding my age group.


Way to put all your eggs in only two baskets.

These are FWBs not girlfriends or fiances. Commitment to FWBs means "I will keep having sex with you, until I meet someone I want to be serious with or it stops being fun anymore." There's nothing real or long term that will make the both of you commit to an unspoken relationship contract, and some people need to be reminded "this is just sex and not love" and the rules have not changed.

Unless you want to keep your friend a "friend" after you're no longer banging, as in a relationship or a real friend, it's best to keep these relationships really short and let them go gently. Some people can handle FWB relationships well and others get clingy or weird if they think something serious is in the works. That's just how it is. While you're having fun you always have to keep just enough distance to keep things from getting too personal or falling in love with the physical-sexual fantasy they present of themselves.


----------



## Another Planet

Interesting might. Fell asleep on the couch texting with her. 
Found out she likes gambling, considers drinking a beer as grabbing a cold one, and her favorite movie of all time is Citizen Kane.....this is completely new territory for me.
I guess that is what dating is all about right?

And I either have a nasty virus or have been hacked because my email sent porn to all of my contacts list...which is also a huge base of customers and business contacts :/


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Sure, but I consider it more like "qualifying" hehe
> 
> It's not just available + hot, it's also + no strings attached/expectations


Better be careful of that "qualifying" part. 

If the women your with are less than genuine, they are going to play up the part and be whatever you want them to be in order to get intimacy and affection from you. 

There is a tell if this is happening too! It will be in the beginning and she will try on different roles to see which part you respond to the most. If she seems too good to be true it's already too late.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Commitment to FWBs means "I will keep having sex with you, until I meet someone I want to be serious with or it stops being fun anymore."
> 
> While you're having fun you always have to keep just enough distance to keep things from getting too personal or falling in love with the physical-sexual fantasy they present of themselves.


True. This is the tricky part; it's easy to get attached, unless both people are seeing others, as well. Also, no strings attached doesn't mean no rules. It's important to be safe, even at the cost of convenience. As long as you're both up front with the kind of relationship, you don't have to "target" one group or another based on assumptions about age, status, or potential attachments. 

I'm new to this kind of casual thing. Not sure how I feel about it, but it's fun for now and it keeps my mind off of...other stuff.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Interesting might. Fell asleep on the couch texting with her.
> Found out she likes gambling, considers drinking a beer as grabbing a cold one, and her favorite movie of all time is Citizen Kane.....this is completely new territory for me.
> I guess that is what dating is all about right?
> 
> *And I either have a nasty virus or have been hacked because my email sent porn to all of my contacts list...which is also a huge base of customers and business contacts :/*


I've had that happen. Notify your email provider and have your account locked until you can change your password and run a scan for trojans. 

A gambling drunk who loves a movie where the main character was abandoned by his mother to be left with an abusive alcoholic of a father. Gee, wonder why she would identify with that character.... Can we say it together? RED FLAG!:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> True. This is the tricky part; it's easy to get attached, unless both people are seeing others, as well. Also, no strings attached doesn't mean no rules. It's important to be safe, even at the cost of convenience. As long as you're both up front with the kind of relationship, you don't have to "target" one group or another based on assumptions about age, status, or potential attachments.
> 
> I'm new to this kind of casual thing. Not sure how I feel about it, but it's fun for now and it keeps my mind off of...other stuff.


It also wouldn't be a bad idea to use at least 2 forms of birth control with FWBs. Maybe birth control pills and condoms you keep locked up and know for sure are not getting holes poked in them by a FWB looking to trap both of you into a more long term arrangement. Not that most people are like this, but you never can be too safe. Both men and women have been known to do this to secure a relationship around pregnancy.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> I've had that happen. Notify your email provider and have your account locked until you can change your password and run a scan for trojans.
> 
> A gambling drunk who loves a movie where the main character was abandoned by his mother to be left with an abusive alcoholic of a father. Gee, wonder why she would identify with that character.... Can we say it together? RED FLAG!:rofl:


Yeah it's just an interesting combo for one night of discovery about someone. The gambling thing is totally foreign for me, it was just some scratch offs at the gas station but even at that still is an odd one for me.


----------



## Nsweet

OMG! Run Jellybeans!:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Yeah it's just an interesting combo for one night of discovery about someone. The gambling thing is totally foreign for me, it was just some scratch offs at the gas station but even at that still is an odd one for me.


Ok, so not a gambling addict. But you can still scratch her off as a Mensa member.... People who understand probability well don't buy scratch off lottery tickets, unless it's more for fun and they only buy a couple every now and again. 

I dated a real poker player and gambling addict once. She had major problems with money and could not hold onto anything she ever won. I'm telling you, you don't want to get involved with someone who has that problem.... It gets worse over time.


----------



## Another Planet

The only experience I have had with gambling is a buddy thought he was going to hit it big some day playing poker, he was living out of his car or the latest GF's place. Had 3 or maybe 4 kids too, I gave him a job but he had to be picked up and dropped off everday...last time I heard from him I got calls all afternoon from the next county over and finally answered one and it was a collect call from the jail there...I just hung up :/


----------



## Another Planet

Looks like my virus might have come from here guys...just got a strange pm from some random member about vital info they have to share with me and to email them directly :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

What did you do?

No I'm sorry, I meant "who did you do"?

Whoever it is, I'll bet she's pissed.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> I am not ready to build a LTR.
> 
> I am though ready to start spending time with the opposite sex and I do hope that if I am completely upfront with everything there is nothing wrong. I do not like however leading them on, that really makes me feel bad. I also don't want to do the speed dating thing banging them out every couple of days... I don't like the idea of that.


Personally, I think this is perfect.




> Well like I said I have a lot of women in my life and I see what they do and how they treat their men. And as I have previously stated the majority of my life I have had mostly women friends.
> I am not saying all of them...well I guess everyone for the most part has a version of a game that they play, some have good intentions others are very very bad.
> I know most of you ladies mean well with your tests and stuff, just keeping things in line right?


Part of me says you are hanging with the wrong women. The other part of me says they are used to dealing with game playing guys, or just enjoy that whole courtship/chase dance ritual.


----------



## whitehawk

Well, l for one am now as confused as all fk.

How people have 1/2 a dozen people going on date sites at once , l don't know.

l freakin couldn't wait to get back to my special one today and we talked abit , then emailed , then 2 texts come in from this other one l was talking too a few days ago.
Then the one l was waiting to hear back from for 2 wks finally got back to me a few hrs ago and all while l'm talking to my first first fav . 2-3hrs and been looking forward to big time.
And on my site the wanna chat beepers going off the whole time .

What a fkg mess 

ps and , some l've been emailing with had messages waiting in my thing and they're on and wondering why your not chatting or answering bc they can see your on. Sure is an art form all it's own isn't it !


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Well, l for one am now as confused as all fk.
> 
> How people have 1/2 a dozen people going on date sites at once , l don't know.
> 
> l freakin couldn't wait to get back to my special one today and we talked abit , then emailed , then 2 texts come in from this other one l was talking too a few days ago.
> Then the one l was waiting to hear back from for 2 wks finally got back to me a few hrs ago and all while l'm talking to my first first fav . 2-3hrs and been looking forward to big time.
> And on my site the wanna chat beepers going off the whole time .
> 
> What a fkg mess
> 
> ps and , some l've been emailing with had messages waiting in my thing and they're on and wondering why your not chatting or answering bc they can see your on. Sure is an art form all it's own isn't it !


Just go with the flow man. Chat like friends that are trying to get to know one another, be cordial and honest and try to leave the conversation hanging so if there is a hiatus you can pick up where you left off when appropriate and when not be cut and dry about it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

That's too long to talk to one person. If you are interested enough to chat/PM/IM for 2-3 hours, you need to exchange numbers and meet.

I have found (not just me, in conversation) that having long, drawn out conversations does a few things. 1) it builds up the relationship into something it is not yet. You don't know about chemistry or their real appearance and could end up having wasted a lot of time. 2) less mystique - keep the interest alive with the 'takeaway' close and 3) it sets up a pattern of expectation of availability - they will expect this level of communication to continue and when you can't for whatever reason they'll read too much into it and think your interest is waning (maybe it is) and get needy and/or defensive, both of which are turn-offs.

I realize I haven't met Mr. Right. But I HAVE taken advantage of several dating sites, have gone on a lot of dates and have learned a lot about the process over 10 years.

Personally I DO communicate with many men at a time when I'm active. If I'm not available - be it issues with ex, too much going on at work or around the house - I simply don't participate actively.

Peruse the website and women who look interesting, drop a couple lines that speak to their profile and what drew you to it (besides big boobs  ) and then don't do anything. I don't reply more than once a day to a person. Period. It's not a game - I just don't want a lot of back-and-forth because it's a time waster.

So send the message, respond to the messages you have in a like manner (several sentences - not a lot more or less) and then log off. You have better things to do than spend 3 hours online, right?

Pick your favorite few and ask to meet. If they keep putting it off (and it doesn't have to do with kids or work schedule) then they are hiding something. Maybe their picture is 5 years old and they want to drop 20 pounds first. Whatever. It's a red flag.

Meet that one and keep sending a couple messages every day. If you like the one you met, arrange a date, keep checking online and looking, initiating contact and replying. Keep asking the ones you like for coffee in the AM, a quick drink at ****tail hour, a piece of pie and coffee at a diner at night, an ice cream on Saturday after the dog park... Whatever, but SHORT MEETING.

Keep the short meetings, keep new women in the rotation, let them fizzle naturally or progress naturally and when you find one that really knocks your socks off and you want to keep seeing her AND you want to see her EXCLUSIVELY, then make that clear to her that you want an exclusive relationship. If she does, great - stop going on the website and send a quick thank you message to the others that you have found someone who deserves your attention and if anything changes, you'll contact them. Then do so - pursue the exclusive relationship to its logical conclusion.

Rinse, repeat until the last exclusive is a LTR.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> What did you do?
> 
> No I'm sorry, I meant "who did you do"?
> 
> Whoever it is, I'll bet she's pissed.


No one I swear! But that is why my profile here is private 0_o
Why would a lurker do that? It even looks like a legitimate person, it has information in the profile and everything. Says she would like to be my friend and needs to share "vital information"...


----------



## Jellybeans

DUDE.

I am having the CRAZIEST week ever. And not in the fun way either. 

Hope you are all well.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Letter, Schmetter. I'm holding out for the John Cusak with a boombox singing sappy Peter Gabriel songs on your lawn!! :rofl:


If he knew were I lived, I am fairly certain this would have already happened (this and so much more). EEK.


----------



## Awakening2012

7 Ways to Improve Your Online Dating Profile With the Power of Words | Mental Floss

:corkysm60:


----------



## Another Planet

Awakening2012 said:


> 7 Ways to Improve Your Online Dating Profile With the Power of Words | Mental Floss
> 
> :corkysm60:


Pretty much agree with all of them.

1. I don't like to sit around but I also have other things to do other then workout and talk about working out. Active but not crazy to the wall 24/7.

2. Godly, yeah sorry not for me and I am definitely not right for you.

3. I actually like to hear a woman talk about her children. If you don't like kids I am not digging you. My exGF had kids and told me once how much she wishes she never had kids at all...I was just floored, how could you say that?! I also don't like to hear about how much someone loves football/baseball/basketball.
So this one is kinda indifferent for me.

4. I like Radiohead but not that much and I am not going to lie on my profile, not into the bait and switcheroo. But I can see how it would be perceived as a generally liked band and I wouldn't judge negatively that is for sure.
Although if you told me how much you liked Andrea Bocelli and Crystal Castles you would definitely get my attention!...but I never in a million years expect that.

5. Yeah cats are cool and I dig animal lovers maybe not crazy PETA ones but people who like pets. 

6. Agreed, I don't know why. Probably men who say woman or women more often show more respect and women who say girls don't sound so uptight and old.

7. Absolutely agreed, if you are a total grammar nazi 24/7 that is not cool though. 
A for effort if you can consistency introduce a person before yourself when talking about them. IE "my friend and I" not "me and my friend".


----------



## Awakening2012

LOL! Another Planet, you are so funny  I love your earnestness and sense of humor -- and you know how women dig a guy who can make them laugh. You'll do really well when the time is right to open your heart to the "next right one."

Best, A12


----------



## Another Planet

Thank you


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> 6. Agreed, I don't know why. Probably men who say woman or women more often show more respect and women who say girls don't sound so uptight and old.


Girls doesnt bother me, the one I cant stand is GAL. "I'm looking for a good GAL", or "I am looking for a fun gal who blah blah"...UGH!!  Its sounds so...I dont know...low class??


----------



## bravenewworld

Is there some level between FWB and a committed relationship? Cause I feel like that's where I'm at. 

I enjoy going on a date, being courted, and hopefully having physical intimacy after we get to know each other (not into one night stands) but I don't want the commitment aspect or a plethora of "couple time." 

Had a great time with swedish chef last night - he picked me up, brought me flowers (!!), and took me to a great steakhouse before checking out a play. 

We had a really good talk about how much we enjoy each other's company, but also that we each got out of an LTR within the past year and aren't looking for a committed relationship. Excited to be on the same page and get to know him better - so far I've really been enjoying myself!

The only part I'm not crazy about with FWB situations is there isn't much wooing and for me that's a big part of seduction. Could be an incorrect assumption on my part - I must admit I haven't been single very long and I'm learning more every day. 

Lesson #1 I've learned - The world is not as scary as I've been led to believe, my emotions are not made of glass, and sex without monogamy can be affection, respectful, and passionate! Who knew?!


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> Ok, so not a gambling addict. But you can still scratch her off as a Mensa member.... People who understand probability well don't buy scratch off lottery tickets, unless it's more for fun and they only buy a couple every now and again.


AP said she liked to gamble, not that she was addicted to gambling. I like to gamble and I'm an intelligent person. Go to any high end table in Vegas and you'll probably meet a CEO of a major company. A lot of very smart and interesting people enjoy the idea of luck and games of chance. 

If you are staying within your means it's very much a social activity too! Love to sit at the poker table with my girls and try to fleece the Texans who are attending out of state conventions at the nearby hall. They always have the most colorful gambling expressions, my fav being "Well I just got beat like a red-haired stepchild!" :rofl:

You meet people, it's fun, and sometimes you even win!


----------



## bravenewworld

3Xnocharm said:


> Girls doesnt bother me, the one I cant stand is GAL. "I'm looking for a good GAL", or "I am looking for a fun gal who blah blah"...UGH!!  Its sounds so...I dont know...low class??


Right? It's like they're going to take you to the moose lodge for a beer and then attend the local square dance. Actually, that sounds kind of fun. That confirms it - I'm weird. And old. :smthumbup:

Something that really irritates me are guys who put things like "Low maintenance but well kept" or "Woman who can wear jeans to a game and later strap on heels to attend an Opera gala." 

Like seriously? Not only are we supposed to be able to go from jeans to heels at a moment's notice, but we're also suppose to be glamorous yet low maintenance. Now I like ball games, and I like gala's but I also like manicures, and pedicures, and getting my hair done and having WAY more makeup than I will ever use. 

One guy went on and on over how much he liked my hair then when I told him who my hair dresser was he acted put-off and said "Oh, I used to work next to that salon. It's really snooty. I'm a more low maintenance guy myself." 

Yet, I'm sure he would have NEVER talked to me if I had hair like a bird's nest or a beauty school hack job. Seriously men, you can't have it BOTH ways. /rant.


----------



## COGypsy

What I think a lot of people overlook is the beauty of dating. Coming out of long term relationships, it's easy to see that as the end game. And when many of us entered our previous relationships it probably was. This time around, I am totally content with dating my boyfriend. No intentions to move in together or get married. We date. Chat more or less every day. Go out one or two nights a week. It's been working like a charm for over a year now.

To be clear, we're exclusive. We're committed in that sense. But we both feel that when it comes to cohabitation and/or marriage, we've been there, done that. Gave the T-shirt to Goodwill and everything.

It's a pretty awesome feeling to have both a steady relationship and the space to do my own thing too.


----------



## Nsweet

I may be from Texas, but I am not what you would think as a "Texan". We are not all stupid white trash that uses ridiculous colloquialisms about domestic disturbances or fried foods.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> I may be from Texas, but I am not what you would think as a "Texan". We are not all stupid white trash that uses ridiculous colloquialisms about domestic disturbances or fried foods.


Who said anyone from Texas was stupid or white trash or even white? Everyone I know from Texas is Mexican. Spent quite a bit of time in Austin and El Paso myself - it's a great state. Big fan of Marfa too. 

A lot of colloquialisms about gambling and poker in particular come from Texas/the south. Wasn't meant to be offensive - apologies if the intent came off differently.


----------



## Nsweet

bravenewworld said:


> Who said anyone from Texas was stupid or white trash or even white? Everyone I know from Texas is Mexican. Spent quite a bit of time in Austin and El Paso myself - it's a great state. Big fan of Marfa too.
> 
> A lot of colloquialisms about gambling and poker in particular come from Texas/the south. Wasn't meant to be offensive - apologies if the intent came off differently.


No offense taken. It's just that I have been in other states where people had the wrong idea about southerners. 

I grew up in Austin and loved it! Dallas is kinda boring and flat.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> No offense taken. It's just that I have been in other states where people had the wrong idea about southerners.
> 
> I grew up in Austin and loved it! Dallas is kinda boring and flat.


I was in Austin for a few weeks in October and literally wanted to move there! Loved getting an afternoon michelada at the Hotel San Jose. The bat flight on Congress Ave was probably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. 

Drove through the state on the way home which is how I wound up stopping in Marfa. Think I'm going to go back there for my birthday. Art galleries + craft beer? Sign me up! The skies are unreal there, even better than New Mexico. 

I visited a friend once in Dallas and have to agree - wasn't my kind of city. Too suburban or maybe as an outsider I just had a hard time getting a sense of "character" from it.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> I may be from Texas, but I am not what you would think as a "Texan". We are not all stupid white trash that uses ridiculous colloquialisms about domestic disturbances or fried foods.


I think that whole stereotype of southerners is helped formed by shows like Duck Dynasty, Swamp people, etc etc etc. Any media about people in the south always seems to be backwoods ********. 

Kinda like anyone from Detroit is a murderer....LOL


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Kinda like anyone from Detroit is a murderer....LOL


Wait you mean that everyone in Detroit isnt a murderer? Hahahahahahshs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Wait you mean that everyone in Detroit isnt a murderer? Hahahahahahshs
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not everyone. Robocop doesn't count.:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Not everyone. Robocop doesn't count.:rofl:


Hahahahah...that was a good one!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

We actually petitioned for a RoboCop statue in front of the the grand central station and got it full filled! Good times but I'm not sure it will ever happen 
Maybe I can find the link to it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> We actually petitioned for a RoboCop statue in front of the the grand central station and got it full filled! Good times but I'm not sure it will ever happen
> Maybe I can find the link to it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Come on, what else is there to spend that money on in Detroit? Of course it will happen.....just b/c thats how the city is ran. LOL

Don't put it towards restoration of Grand Central though, that would just be silly.


----------



## Another Planet

COGypsy said:


> What I think a lot of people overlook is the beauty of dating. Coming out of long term relationships, it's easy to see that as the end game. And when many of us entered our previous relationships it probably was. This time around, I am totally content with dating my boyfriend. No intentions to move in together or get married. We date. Chat more or less every day. Go out one or two nights a week. It's been working like a charm for over a year now.
> 
> To be clear, we're exclusive. We're committed in that sense. But we both feel that when it comes to cohabitation and/or marriage, we've been there, done that. Gave the T-shirt to Goodwill and everything.
> 
> It's a pretty awesome feeling to have both a steady relationship and the space to do my own thing too.


EGG FREAKIN ZACTLY!!! That is an awesome way of looking at things! And sounds so absolutely amazing!
I so don't want to live with anyone right and I also like to talk to someone a couple times a day but if I don't I understand she is busy and I am busy. 
I talked to her this morning, maybe she will get a hold of me later maybe not. But i'll see her Saturday for sure...and I'm cool with that.
I have never had a chance to be in a casual but committed relationship it was always full on but I gotta tell ya that just sounds awesome!


----------



## Another Planet

Detroit Needs Robocop | Building Detroit's RoboCop Statue
There ya go lol


----------



## jpr

Nsweet said:


> I may be from Texas, but I am not what you would think as a "Texan". We are not all stupid white trash that uses ridiculous colloquialisms about domestic disturbances or fried foods.


Big hair, belt buckles, and fried food.

Mmmmmm....


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

From last month's MetroTimes:

Take a Look at Detroit's RoboCop Statue - News & Views - Detroit Metro Times


*Detroit: We don't f*ck around!* I think THAT should be our city motto! Okay, well maybe 

"*WELCOME to DETROIT - we don't f*ck around!*"​
...there that's got EVERYTHING the Tourism Bureau and Chamber of Commerce could want! 
[can you tell I have a Marketing degree? :rofl:]


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Big hair, belt buckles, and fried food.
> 
> Mmmmmm....


Yeah, maybe 30 years ago.....

Now it's big Mexican population, girls with nice big asses, and even better fried foods.... Fried coke anyone?

:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

*Detroit - Come here and get murdered.*:rofl:


----------



## jpr

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, maybe 30 years ago.....
> 
> Now it's big Mexican population, girls with nice big asses, and even better fried foods.... Fried coke anyone?
> 
> :smthumbup:


Mmmmmm....

Empanadas and chimichangas.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> *Detroit - Come here and get murdered.*:rofl:


I don't go there unless I absolutely have to. No thanks :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Come to hawai'i to get lei'd


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> That's too long to talk to one person. If you are interested enough to chat/PM/IM for 2-3 hours, you need to exchange numbers and meet.
> 
> I have found (not just me, in conversation) that having long, drawn out conversations does a few things. 1) it builds up the relationship into something it is not yet. You don't know about chemistry or their real appearance and could end up having wasted a lot of time. 2) less mystique - keep the interest alive with the 'takeaway' close and 3) it sets up a pattern of expectation of availability - they will expect this level of communication to continue and when you can't for whatever reason they'll read too much into it and think your interest is waning (maybe it is) and get needy and/or defensive, both of which are turn-offs.
> 
> I realize I haven't met Mr. Right. But I HAVE taken advantage of several dating sites, have gone on a lot of dates and have learned a lot about the process over 10 years.
> 
> Personally I DO communicate with many men at a time when I'm active. If I'm not available - be it issues with ex, too much going on at work or around the house - I simply don't participate actively.
> 
> Peruse the website and women who look interesting, drop a couple lines that speak to their profile and what drew you to it (besides big boobs  ) and then don't do anything. I don't reply more than once a day to a person. Period. It's not a game - I just don't want a lot of back-and-forth because it's a time waster.
> 
> So send the message, respond to the messages you have in a like manner (several sentences - not a lot more or less) and then log off. You have better things to do than spend 3 hours online, right?
> 
> Pick your favorite few and ask to meet. If they keep putting it off (and it doesn't have to do with kids or work schedule) then they are hiding something. Maybe their picture is 5 years old and they want to drop 20 pounds first. Whatever. It's a red flag.
> 
> Meet that one and keep sending a couple messages every day. If you like the one you met, arrange a date, keep checking online and looking, initiating contact and replying. Keep asking the ones you like for coffee in the AM, a quick drink at ****tail hour, a piece of pie and coffee at a diner at night, an ice cream on Saturday after the dog park... Whatever, but SHORT MEETING.
> 
> Keep the short meetings, keep new women in the rotation, let them fizzle naturally or progress naturally and when you find one that really knocks your socks off and you want to keep seeing her AND you want to see her EXCLUSIVELY, then make that clear to her that you want an exclusive relationship. If she does, great - stop going on the website and send a quick thank you message to the others that you have found someone who deserves your attention and if anything changes, you'll contact them. Then do so - pursue the exclusive relationship to its logical conclusion.
> 
> Rinse, repeat until the last exclusive is a LTR.



Haha , got it all mapped out hey Enjoli , good for you and thanks for the tips .
But l know it's hard unless someone posts a lot round here but you would've missed some earlier stuff. 
l already have a special one for now , the others were from the few wks before but another new one l really liked earlier was late getting back to me so now she's popped up.

l have of loaded a few though  . , you's be proud of me haha , there's another one , such a nice girl but, gotta go too.
They were all going 2 days ago apart from my special one l'd decided, did a few deeds , dunno wtf happened but l've somehow ended up back at square one.

lf you saw earlier about the special one though , we're both very cool with things as they are for now and we were gonna hook up this wkend actually but something came up.

Either way l'm not to fussed and as l was sayin to AP , l couldn't give a damn if l hooked up or not right now and l don't need to go racing off on dead end dates to find out anyway because one l always know how l feel about someone anyway but two , exactly as you said , 99% will usually fizzle themselves out anyway - save everyone a whole lot of trouble .

l'm actually as happy just talking for now as any and that's what l'm getting from my special one right now - exactly what l need , her too . lf that fizzles , so be it , as l said not fussed.

l've definitely gotta weed that garden though , that's my only issue right now.
l do have this habit of enjoying the calls or convo , even when l know there's no interest in anything more.
That's where l get into trouble. l know and l just assume that they would know too so to me it's just some harmless chit chat but they don't know . They think there is stuff there and that's where it gets tricky.

Anyway , gonna weed the garden bc l'm quite happy with special right now, where ever it goes .

You are spot on though about some make believe thing happening if you don't meet , l do get you. The only thing is l don't care right now anyway and did say a few days ago that if l do wanna meet someone specials the only one right now anyway .
l know this stuff probably won't make sense , none of the girls l've met get it. They just can't seem to understand how l can be so blazea about it all . Another thing they don't get is how l can know already, l don't get though how they can't know ,. it's funny really .


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I don't go there unless I absolutely have to. No thanks :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm actually planning an overnight in Dtown next month for my bday 

I enjoy parts of Detroit...lol

To be honest I think Flint is so much unsafer as a whole. No pockets of good/ok areas anywhere.


----------



## LaQueso

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, maybe 30 years ago.....
> 
> Now it's big Mexican population, girls with nice big asses, and even better fried foods.... Fried coke anyone?
> 
> :smthumbup:


Wait- there is such a thing as fried Coke? Marvelous! 
Drerio- I did get lei'd within 20 minutes of arriving here.  A little old lady gave me hers while we were all waiting for our rides. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

LaQueso said:


> Wait- there is such a thing as fried Coke? Marvelous!
> Drerio- I did get lei'd within 20 minutes of arriving here.  A little old lady gave me hers while we were all waiting for our rides.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, it's a little coke flavored cake drizzled with coke syrup and topped with whipped cream and a cherry. They also have fried bubblegum flavored cake, fried kool-aid bites, and a lot of things donuts or battered and fried dishes... Pretty much anything you can imagine too! Green bean fries, fried butter, fried oreos, fried snickers, fried lasagna, turkey dinner meat balls..... Lot of crap! But that's all at the state fair only a couple months a year.

LOL, you got lei'd by a Jaguar!:rofl: That makes you awesome.:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm actually planning an overnight in Dtown next month for my bday
> 
> I enjoy parts of Detroit...lol
> 
> To be honest I think Flint is so much unsafer as a whole. No pockets of good/ok areas anywhere.


Totally agree with that! My exwife is from Flint, Atherton rd Fenton rd area 0_o... no thanks!
So glad I don't have to go there any more! My daughter was born at Flint hospital and we didn't go back to get her birth cert until we had too!
I haven't been to Detroit for 3-4yrs now...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Totally agree with that! My exwife is from Flint, Atherton rd Fenton rd area 0_o... no thanks!
> So glad I don't have to go there any more! My daughter was born at Flint hospital and we didn't go back to get her birth cert until we had too!
> I haven't been to Detroit for 3-4yrs now...


Ugh...sis lives around Atherton and Fenton, I work just down the rd too...hate it.


----------



## moxy

Texas can be awesome. It's also really diverse and varied, regionally speaking. It does have horror movie moments and pockets, though. I'm also a Texan -- and, by the way, Austin rocks.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Ugh...sis lives around Atherton and Fenton, I work just down the rd too...hate it.


Ive been a burb baby for my entire life so I don't know to much but my sheltered farm life lol
Getting gas around there is terrifying, at least I have my pitch fork handy lol


----------



## whitehawk

Don't get ya as l'm not in the States as you know but wtf ?

Getting gas is terrifying - how the hell is that ?


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Texas can be awesome. It's also really diverse and varied, regionally speaking. It does have horror movie moments and pockets, though. I'm also a Texan -- and, by the way, Austin rocks.


You're also one of the beautiful women we have in Texas. 

This state is like a melting pot for different cultures, and there are some people here you would not even expect to find in Texas. After white, black, Mexican, and some native Americans tribes... There's a lot of Vietnamese, Russians, and Africans communities.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Don't get ya as l'm not in the States as you know but wtf ?
> 
> Getting gas is terrifying - how the hell is that ?


Well to put it in perspective Flint was #2 and Detroit was #1 or vice versa I don't remember for violent crimes and homicides in the states. You lock your doors to put gas in your vehicle there...even if there is someone else in the vehicle. And especially if you have you loved ones in the vehicle...it's not that bad really, just luck of the draw, you either get robbed or not kind of thing.

Ask Vi she is closer to the area....I don't go there anymore.


----------



## whitehawk

Well that's funny from a far .

The nearest l can get is pulling into a truck stop one night to go to the can.

So l'm in the fkg toilet and someone knocks on the fkg door asking me if l wanna take a shower with him .

Umm , not right now thanks , some other time maybe - not :rofl:


----------



## Fenix

bravenewworld said:


> Is there some level between FWB and a committed relationship? Cause I feel like that's where I'm at.
> 
> I enjoy going on a date, being courted, and hopefully having physical intimacy after we get to know each other (not into one night stands) but I don't want the commitment aspect or a plethora of "couple time."
> 
> Had a great time with swedish chef last night - he picked me up, brought me flowers (!!), and took me to a great steakhouse before checking out a play.
> 
> We had a really good talk about how much we enjoy each other's company, but also that we each got out of an LTR within the past year and aren't looking for a committed relationship. Excited to be on the same page and get to know him better - so far I've really been enjoying myself!
> 
> The only part I'm not crazy about with FWB situations is there isn't much wooing and for me that's a big part of seduction. Could be an incorrect assumption on my part - I must admit I haven't been single very long and I'm learning more every day.
> 
> Lesson #1 I've learned - The world is not as scary as I've been led to believe, my emotions are not made of glass, and sex without monogamy can be affection, respectful, and passionate! Who knew?!


I hope so, because that is where I am getting ready to jump into!  I am not into hook ups but also not into a LT relationship. Just a happy medium to have a friend with whom to walk this path for a bit. I think he is on the same page...


----------



## ThreeStrikes

COGypsy said:


> What I think a lot of people overlook is the beauty of dating. Coming out of long term relationships, it's easy to see that as the end game. And when many of us entered our previous relationships it probably was. This time around, I am totally content with dating my boyfriend. No intentions to move in together or get married. We date. Chat more or less every day. Go out one or two nights a week. It's been working like a charm for over a year now.
> 
> To be clear, we're exclusive. We're committed in that sense. But we both feel that when it comes to cohabitation and/or marriage, we've been there, done that. Gave the T-shirt to Goodwill and everything.
> 
> It's a pretty awesome feeling to have both a steady relationship and the space to do my own thing too.


:iagree:

My current relationship, in a nutshell. It's great!


----------



## unsure78

Chicago is kinda a nice mix you have your rough parts and really really nice parts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok so there is like ONE hot guy that works in my building on the second floor and today I saw him (which only happens every blue moon). And of course I have a pimple and didn't put any make up on this morning.
FVVVVVCK. 

He is oh so hot and nerdy.

TGIF, everyone.

I am going to need a massive glass of wine tonight when I get home tonight cause this has been the most fvcked up week ever.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

COGypsy said:


> What I think a lot of people overlook is the beauty of dating. Coming out of long term relationships, it's easy to see that as the end game. And when many of us entered our previous relationships it probably was. This time around, I am totally content with dating my boyfriend. No intentions to move in together or get married. We date. Chat more or less every day. Go out one or two nights a week. It's been working like a charm for over a year now.
> 
> To be clear, we're exclusive. We're committed in that sense. But we both feel that when it comes to cohabitation and/or marriage, we've been there, done that. Gave the T-shirt to Goodwill and everything.
> 
> It's a pretty awesome feeling to have both a steady relationship and the space to do my own thing too.


Ah yes. Exactly what I'm looking for. And not only was the spark missing with BF guy he said he didn't want to "do the weekend only thing" that he wanted to sleep beside someone every night. I think I could get there but I need a few years of the weekend thing. 

I think what you have is perfect. Except at some point I would probably want to move to cohabitation/marriage, but I'm not in any hurry.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so there is like ONE hot guy that works in my building on the second floor and today I saw him (which only happens every blue moon). And of course I have a pimple and didn't put any make up on this morning.
> FVVVVVCK.
> 
> He is oh so hot and nerdy.
> 
> TGIF, everyone.
> 
> I am going to need a massive glass of wine tonight when I get home tonight cause this has been the most fvcked up week ever.


Sorry jelly 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL. The good thing is HOT men make the world go round so at least it was a fun way to start my day off.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. The good thing is HOT men make the world go round so at least it was a fun way to start my day off.


I do always like some eyecandy...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Well. It looks like I've lost five pounds in the last two weeks without even trying.

:smthumbup:

The the only thing I can think of that changed is that I'd finally gone in to talk to my doctor about the sleep problems I've had for the last 15 years or so. At her recommendation, I scheduled a sleep study to find out what's going on, but she also ordered some blood tests to cover a few bases... And we found out I've got a Vitamin D deficiency. So, I've been taking prescription mega-doses of Vitamin D since then to get things back to normal.

We'll see if it keeps up.

I'm going to my first real Swing Dance tonight... I'm rather excited to get some "real" practice in outside of the repetitive "drills" we do in class. It's going to be fun.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Well to put it in perspective Flint was #2 and Detroit was #1 or vice versa I don't remember for violent crimes and homicides in the states. You lock your doors to put gas in your vehicle there...even if there is someone else in the vehicle. And especially if you have you loved ones in the vehicle...it's not that bad really, just luck of the draw, you either get robbed or not kind of thing.
> 
> Ask Vi she is closer to the area....I don't go there anymore.


Pretty much...and if its late enough at night I don't stop at some lights/stop signs either. 

The gas station 1/2 block from my work is not open past 8pm due to crime in the area. My co worker just had his window busted and his stereo stolen from his car in broad daylight in the work parking lot with security patrolling. Three houses down from my sister a prostitute was stabbed to death....

Just stuff that has happened since Jan...


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Well. It looks like I've lost five pounds in the last two weeks without even trying.
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> The the only thing I can think of that changed is that I'd finally gone in to talk to my doctor about the sleep problems I've had for the last 15 years or so. At her recommendation, I scheduled a sleep study to find out what's going on, but she also ordered some blood tests to cover a few bases... And we found out I've got a Vitamin D deficiency. So, I've been taking prescription mega-doses of Vitamin D since then to get things back to normal.
> 
> We'll see if it keeps up.
> 
> I'm going to my first real Swing Dance tonight... I'm rather excited to get some "real" practice in outside of the repetitive "drills" we do in class. It's going to be fun.


Thats sounds like fun pbar... enjoy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Nsweet said:


> *Detroit - Come here and get murdered.*:rofl:


Yes, but the tide is turning! Just yesterday, another Detroit homeowner SHOT & KILLED a home invader. This is at least the FIFTH homeowner in the last 2-3 weeks who has shot and killed someone breaking in to his/her home!

Good on you, sir! About time people started taking a STAND against these lawless scumbags!


(And this does not include the 'scrapper' who was electrocuted while scrapping at a currently-operating business!)

I have NO sympathy for criminals...they've run rampant for too long. Now, if Michigan had a death penalty (I'd recommend a firing squad), THAT would clean up our crime problem a lot quicker!


----------



## unsure78

Ive got a date tonight with dh... not quite as excited as I was before :/ though I will still have fun... its just disappointing when you think you really hit it off with someone.... they say they really hit it off with you but they are still on the online dating site very very regularly... and yes I know we are not exclusive, no where near that yet... but it just kinda is a bit of a disappointment, its seems like they all are just looking for the next best thing or something better... and yes for the record I will multi date for the first date or two but if I find someone I have some interest in, I will hide my profile or way slow down on logging in
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Another Planet said:


> I don't go there unless I absolutely have to. No thanks :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're missing out on one of THE BEST Art Museums in the country! Lots of BEAUTIFUL works of art including the great masters, sculptures by Rodin, an entire room in murals by Diego Rivera, armor/swords/gun collections, all in a beautiful building!

Parking right across the street, 2 restaurants inside the museum. Easy to get to...right off of I-94! Took my then 15yo and her best friend last year for Spring Break!

Detroit Institute of Arts Museum


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## Another Planet

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> You're missing out on one of THE BEST Art Museums in the country! Lots of BEAUTIFUL works of art including the great masters, sculptures by Rodin, an entire room in murals by Diego Rivera, armor/swords/gun collections, all in a beautiful building!
> 
> Parking right across the street, 2 restaurants inside the museum. Easy to get to...right off of I-94! Took my then 15yo and her best friend last year for Spring Break!
> 
> Detroit Institute of Arts Museum


Yeah I watched one video on the woman who shot the 18-19yr old punk coming through the window and the family members in the interview were just like "he was a good kid he just liked to steal ****, we told him to stop but he wouldn't"...kinda giving a what can ya do shoulder shrug.
Some of it is sad but there are really good people there!


----------



## unsure78

Tip for my TAM brothers who are online dating... every woman I know irl that is on match checks to see if a guy logs in after a date or how often they log in once they start dating them....I know guys in general dont do that checking sort of thing... a lot of women do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Another Planet said:


>


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: GREAT POST, Another Planet! :iagree: :iagree: 


Probably THE MOST IMPORTANT lesson a parent can learn!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Tip for my TAM brothers who are online dating... every woman I know irl that is on match checks to see if a guy logs in after a date or how often they log in once they start dating them....I know guys in general dont do that checking sort of thing... a lot of women do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What if I am always logged on? I just leave it up 24/7 for the most part. Does it show that I am logged on all the time?
I do have to laugh when the women who already have my number or are on my FB check me out on Match! If I notice I will send them a text asking what they are doing, why don't you just text me or something?! lol


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Tip for my TAM brothers who are online dating... every woman I know irl that is on match checks to see if a guy logs in after a date or how often they log in once they start dating them....I know guys in general dont do that checking sort of thing... a lot of women do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah well l could imagine.
l've been gonna ask you guys about this exact thing.
On mine l've realized they know when l'm on and if l'm not talking to them l'm getting comments coming back like , oh l just thought l'd say hello . l know your busy so have a good night .

l've been trying to find a way to set set it so that l can't be spied on .
Not only that but if your talking to someone , contacts are popping up to chat all the time when they come on .
So if you don't eccept , they also know your busy.
They can just hang around then and watch how long your on for but haven't chatted with them and all sorts of stuff.
Doesn't seem to have any way of turning that stuff off . Wel not without just straight blocking them anyway.

So your getting chat pop ups and comments all over the place , while your talking to someone else , driving me nuts. And then they know al this stuff afterwards . Kinda creepy .

PS, AND , if they wrote to me say in the morning , then later they watch and see l'm on for a few hrs that night , but don't write back to them till say the next day , they know they're being stalled . And 9 times out of 10 , some little thing comes back in their next email. l feel like l've got 6 wives at the moment haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure - definitely keep multi-dating just like he is. Go, have fun, and enjoy.


----------



## Jellybeans

Gah! I am so behind on this thread. It's moving so fast. 



bravenewworld said:


> Is there some level between FWB and a committed relationship? Cause I feel like that's where I'm at.
> 
> I enjoy going on a date, being courted, and hopefully having physical intimacy after we get to know each other (not into one night stands) but I don't want the commitment aspect or a plethora of "couple time."
> 
> We had a really good talk about how much we enjoy each other's company, but also that we each got out of an LTR within the past year and aren't looking for a committed relationship. Excited to be on the same page and get to know him better - so far I've really been enjoying myself!


Goodness. This sounds IDEAL to me! AWESOME!!!



Nsweet said:


> OMG! Run Jellybeans!:rofl:


Haha. How am I only just now noticing this. Funny pic, Nsweet. Is this in reference to Social Media Guy?



Another Planet said:


> I wish you guys would not automatically assume the worst about me
> 
> I feel like a dart board, but I understand you all only know what I share.


:scratchhead: I think that you think we are assuming the worst about you which is not the case. You post and we respond. Nobody means any harm to you. It seems you are getting upset with our responses for some reason. ?



jpr said:


> Change of subject....
> 
> My boyfriend and have been talking a lot about marriage lately.
> 
> He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....and I want the same.


Congrats but... why the pink face that seems worried on
the end? How long ago was your divorce? I ask because damn, I have not even been close to dating anyone seriously since my D. I guess I am on the Slow Train. LOL.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Unsure - definitely keep multi-dating just like he is. Go, have fun, and enjoy.


OOOHHHHHHH NO!!! I am so dense sometimes. 
So sorry Unsure...if that's the case yeah just keep doing your thing too, there is one that won't do that to you out there 

Thank you for that insight.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Feminist in Pink has a great metaphor. I totally understand wanting to keep it casual and see if that person fits your lifestyle (and vice versa) but I think for successful women *a man being indirect, coy, or aloof is a turnoff. If a guy took days to respond to a text or kept canceling dates *I'd think he didn't have his life together.


100% AGREE. 

And I'd like to add, it would make me think he wasn't that interested in me.



bravenewworld said:


> Also, I think canceling repeatedly shows a certain disrespect for another person's time which isn't cool in developing business or personal relationships.


Nailed it. And there is no bigger turn off than feeling like you are being disrespected.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bravenewworld said:


> Is there some level between FWB and a committed relationship? Cause I feel like that's where I'm at.
> 
> I enjoy going on a date, being courted, and hopefully having physical intimacy after we get to know each other (not into one night stands) but I don't want the commitment aspect or a plethora of "couple time."
> 
> We had a really good talk about how much we enjoy each other's company, but also that we each got out of an LTR within the past year and aren't looking for a committed relationship. Excited to be on the same page and get to know him better - so far I've really been enjoying myself!


Several of you have quoted agreement on this, but if you dont make this exclusive, then are you really okay with this other person going out with others and having this same kind of relationship with other people? :scratchhead:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

3Xnocharm said:


> Several of you have quoted agreement on this, but if you dont make this exclusive, then are you really okay with this other person going out with others and having this same kind of relationship with other people? :scratchhead:


Happens all the time. As long as you are both on the same page from the get-go. 

It's called casual dating, methinks.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Several of you have quoted agreement on this, but if you dont make this exclusive, then are you really okay with this other person going out with others and having this same kind of relationship with other people? :scratchhead:


Well that is where the Table Talk comes in... about what you both agree to. Make sure you are on the same table. As long as both are cool with it, then I see no harm in it.

I personally think a low key relationship like that sounds great but admit I'd want to be the only one having boots knocked with. My thing would be: if you meet someone else you want to date/bone, just let me know and we can part ways. This sounds like the perfect "in between" relationship. Relationships that exist in between big ones, if that makes sense. 

My FWB and I in college had a similar arrangement. We had a total understand of what we were/weren't. As soon as we met other people, we stopped fooling around. It was PERFECT.

I don't think this situation would work long-turn if one person were super into the other person and wanted something more serious. Cause that is basically in direct contrast to what the FWB is. But there are times I bet it could develop into something serious. Stranger things have happened.


----------



## Another Planet

Ladies could you please give me your perspective on something?
After reading Unsures comment and JB's response I was kind of smacked with a 2x4 with how airheaded about women I can be. 
You don't have to go in depth or anything with a response but the other night I shared a few photos of my travels last summer with her and she tells me that they are beautiful and that she wishes she could visit places like that and then mentioned something about if I still like her after we meet.....
Am I already walking that fine line of hurting her? I am aren't I?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Ladies could you please give me your perspective on something?
> After reading Unsures comment and JB's response I was kind of smacked with a 2x4 with how airheaded about women I can be.
> You don't have to go in depth or anything with a response but the other night I shared a few photos of my travels last summer with her and she tells me that they are beautiful and that she wishes she could visit places like that and then mentioned something about if I still like her after we meet.....
> Am I already walking that fine line of hurting her? I am aren't I?


Well, thats really one of the chances you take when you communicate for so long before you meet, unfortunately. You either run the risk of hurting someone, or meeting finally and having no spark between you despite your awesome conversations. (guess thats pretty much the same thing...)


----------



## lisab0105

I actually hate the term "Friends with benefits". You are only FWB if you were actually genuinely friends before anything happened and are still able to maintain that friendship when the sex is over. 

If you meet someone and just want to have sex with them, no strings...calling them a "friend" is a fallacy. Being someone's friend means actually being genuine and emotional with them, even if on a platonic level. It takes investment to be someone's friend. Therefore, the person you met last week and they agreed to just have sex with you, is not your FWB. They are your booty call, blow-up doll, sex buddy, f'ck buddy...etc. But they are not your friend in any capacity. Not until you stop f'cking them and actually try to get to know them can you refer to them as a friend. 

And this really has no direction at anything in particular, I just see FWB thrown around so much here, it has always bugged me lol


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Ladies could you please give me your perspective on something?
> After reading Unsures comment and JB's response I was kind of smacked with a 2x4 with how airheaded about women I can be.
> You don't have to go in depth or anything with a response but the other night I shared a few photos of my travels last summer with her and she tells me that they are beautiful and that she wishes she could visit places like that and then mentioned something about if I still like her after we meet.....
> Am I already walking that fine line of hurting her? I am aren't I?


Yes you are and like 3x said its why its we all would rather meet sooner... I have had more than a few times that we had a great connection in email, text, even talking on the phone... but it didnt translate to in person..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Im not hurt by dh, its just a disappointment... im not looking to go exclusive immediately but it shows they are not as interested as they say when they log in a bunch....actions and words are not the same...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Im not hurt by dh, its just a disappointment... im not looking to go exclusive immediately but it shows they are not as interested as they say when they log in a bunch....actions and words are not the same...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you are reading too much into it, Unsure. Maybe he gets a lot of notifications, so he logs in whenever he gets one to check it out. I wouldnt let it bother you unless you two DO agree to be exclusive.


----------



## unsure78

Oh and as a side note Another... if you are just looking to have a sort of casual relationship or everyother weekend gf then, I hope you have already talked about what she is looking for... maybe thats all she is looking for as well buuuut maybe she wants more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Maybe you are reading too much into it, Unsure. Maybe he gets a lot of notifications, so he logs in whenever he gets one to check it out. I wouldnt let it bother you unless you two DO agree to be exclusive.


Im not like freaking out over it, as we are not exclusive... just a bit disappointed... it tempers my excitement in thinking I may have met someone with potential. .. and brings me back to hes like every other guy out there (no offense to my boys on tam)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Ladies could you please give me your perspective on something?
> 
> I shared a few photos of my travels last summer with her and she tells me that they are beautiful and that she wishes she could visit places like that and then mentioned something about if I still like her after we meet.....
> Am I already walking that fine line of hurting her? I am aren't I?


I don't see you as walking a fine line. I don't really get her comment about you still liking her after you meet but I say just meet her and get it out of the way already. Then see what happens. 



lisab0105 said:


> I actually hate the term "Friends with benefits". You are only FWB if you were actually genuinely friends before anything happened and are still able to maintain that friendship when the sex is over.


Semantics. Methinks you may be overanalyzing it. I mean, I get what you're saying but it's just a pop culture term for a no-strings relationship. As long as the two involved are ok with it, then that's all that matters. With that said, my FWB and I were actually friends. He is a great person.


----------



## Another Planet

OK I see. 
From the way we interact right now I think she is on the same level as I, we both want someone around but still need our space. But I think she still has a lot of walls up as you guys say about me.
Is it ok to talk about these things with her already or is that inappropriate and should it wait for later dates/conversations?
I am fine talking about it with her already, I am such an open book it isn't even funny sometimes...


----------



## Jellybeans

To talk about what specifically? I think you should go on a DATE with her. I don't actually understand why you have been talking to her so long and haven't met yet unless she lives a thousand miles away?

Personally I would get tired of all that talking and would think it was odd if some dude kept hitting me up for conversation on a DATING site yet hasn't actually gone OUT with me.


----------



## Another Planet

It is not like that JB. And we are going out tomorrow, dates been set for like all week. 
I have already gone through why we haven't met yet.

Thank you for your perspective ladies.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

The one guy that I had been having some great conversations with on POF messaging and text ended up creeping me out. I had been kinda iffy on his looks to begin with, and at one point he sent me a shirtless pic! Not that he was disgusting, but it just did not help his cause in that regard. Then not long after that, we had been asking and answering 5 questions with each other, and one of his questions was about sex. I thought it was out of line, and that pretty much killed it right there.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Thank you for your perspective ladies.


That's what we are here for! 

I say don't get into anything heavy before your date. Just go on your date and enjoy.



3Xnocharm said:


> I had been kinda iffy on his looks to begin with, and at one point he sent me a shirtless pic! Not that he was disgusting, but it just did not help his cause in that regard.


:rofl:



3Xnocharm said:


> I thought it was out of line, and that pretty much killed it right there.


Haha. Sounds like "it" was never really there for you in the first place for him. Better to know now than be even more turned off on the date. Hehe.


----------



## vi_bride04

AP - aren't we supposed to get some snow tomorrow?? 

And I believe the "what type of relationship are you looking for" conversation needs to happen even before meeting. Or at least have an idea of what the persons intentions are. Some people are dating to find a serious relationship, some people date just to screw, some people date just to have an opposite sex companion every once in awhile. If this girl is looking to date to find a committed/LTR partner, make sure you let her know you are NOT looking for that.

Up front, honest, don't sugar coat things just to not hurt someone's feelings if you aren't feeling it with them. Ain't no one got time for that.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Ive got a date tonight with dh... not quite as excited as I was before :/ though I will still have fun... its just disappointing when you think you really hit it off with someone.... they say they really hit it off with you but they are still on the online dating site very very regularly... and yes I know we are not exclusive, no where near that yet... but it just kinda is a bit of a disappointment, its seems like they all are just looking for the next best thing or something better... and yes for the record I will multi date for the first date or two but if I find someone I have some interest in, I will hide my profile or way slow down on logging in
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to stop being so insecure and stalking his online dating usage stats. If you want him to stop logging in (to read messages from people he has chosen to communicate with) then tell him, but you know that won't go over well because it is unreasonable.

I dated one girl who after second date saw that I was online and she presumed it was because I was looking for something else or unhappy with her somehow. We talked about it, I assured her that I was really into her and took my profile offline to show her I meant it. But it turns out she couldn't even handle that level of "commitment" she just wanted all the security of a LTR without dedicating effort for it. Because dating ended up taking a low priority for her but she wanted me at her disposal I ended it.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> OK I see.
> From the way we interact right now I think she is on the same level as I, we both want someone around but still need our space. But I think she still has a lot of walls up as you guys say about me.
> Is it ok to talk about these things with her already or is that inappropriate and should it wait for later dates/conversations?
> I am fine talking about it with her already, I am such an open book it isn't even funny sometimes...


Oh Another you dont get how complicated some women are...lol....

Just because you interact like that now...to me it has no bearing on what she might actually want in a relationship.. you guys havent been on a date yet, so only talking every few days is ok... she may have waaaay different expectations or wants if you do get in a relationship.

I almost always ask on a first date what the guy is looking for.. settle down again, ltr, just fun? 

But all this is really irrelevant since you guys havent even been on a date yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Sounds like "it" was never really there for you in the first place for him. Better to know now than be even more turned off on the date. Hehe.


I really was liking him though! I was looking forward to finally meeting up, so yeah, I guess it was a good thing. I just thought that asking me a sex related question was out of line with us having a chat only relationship thus far.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> I almost always ask on a first date what the guy is looking for.. settle down again, ltr, just fun?


Question for the men on this board. Is this too forward on a first date or ok? I guess I never have wondered about this.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Question for the men on this board. Is this too forward on a first date or ok? I guess I never have wondered about this.


Guys are looking for the same thing as girls, we want to have fun, enjoy interacting with someone of the opposite sex and have the hope of really hot sex with them. Often we go into dates confused, looking for validation, seeking approval, or just because we don't know what else to do. Asking that question on the first date is loaded, and likely to take the fun out of things. Instead of asking such serious stuff just do something that seems fun to you.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Guys are looking for the same thing as girls, we want to have fun, enjoy interacting with someone of the opposite sex and have the hope of really hot sex with them. Often we go into dates confused, looking for validation, seeking approval, or just because we don't know what else to do. Asking that question on the first date is loaded, and likely to take the fun out of things. Instead of asking such serious stuff just do something that seems fun to you.


Really? I ask it all the time. .. I even will say that its cool if you are just looking to have fun but I prefer to know what im dealing with...

Lol but im the girl who asks all sort of direct questions on a first date like have you ever killed anyone? (Thats usually reserved for the law enforcement guys)... but being bold is my first date style.. it works well with my personality... I also get a lot that I ask much more deeper questions than a "normal" first date shallow questions like what kinda car do you drive?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> Guys are looking for the same thing as girls, we want to have fun, enjoy interacting with someone of the opposite sex and have the hope of really hot sex with them. Often we go into dates confused, looking for validation, seeking approval, or just because we don't know what else to do. Asking that question on the first date is loaded, and likely to take the fun out of things. Instead of asking such serious stuff just do something that seems fun to you.


I can't agree with this one. Hell, I ask that question before I would even go on the date with them. Typically, most profiles state what the person is looking for, but for the ones that kept it ambiguous, I always asked. I wouldn't go on a date with someone that was just looking for a hook up or to date casually. That isn't what I was looking for, so I sure as hell wasn't going to waste my time on someone that was. 

It is one of the most important questions to ask at the beginning.


----------



## unsure78

Lol..Lon I think I would eat you alive on a first date...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I can't agree with this one. Hell, I ask that question before I would even go on the date with them. Typically, most profiles state what the person is looking for, but for the ones that kept it ambiguous, I always asked. I wouldn't go on a date with someone that was just looking for a hook up or to date casually. That isn't what I was looking for, so I sure as hell wasn't going to waste my time on someone that was.
> 
> It is one of the most important questions to ask at the beginning.


Where did I say anything about looking for a hookup? As to casual, that is more my style, if I choose to get away and meet with someone the last thing I want to do is have some stuffy formal protocol to follow. To me, every date is casual (including with my steady gf). My preference is to not just go interview each other with a prepared checklist, gawd that sounds like torture. I want to go out for a good time, get to discover what you like instead of just listening to you tell me what you like. I want good company, good food, good entertainment and someone I can be myself with, so that when we sit and gave a serious conversation the purpose isn't to size each other up but rather learn about how the other one thinks and engage in social intercourse. But if I'm not laughing fairly frequently (ie having fun) I'm not having a good time and I will be less likely to want to follow up with a future date (ie continue the relationship).


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Lol..Lon I think I would eat you alive on a first date...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like the oral implications of this. Please expound. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> I can't agree with this one. Hell, I ask that question before I would even go on the date with them. Typically, most profiles state what the person is looking for, but for the ones that kept it ambiguous, I always asked. I wouldn't go on a date with someone that was just looking for a hook up or to date casually. That isn't what I was looking for, so I sure as hell wasn't going to waste my time on someone that was.
> 
> *It is one of the most important questions to ask at the beginning.*


:iagree:

I also ask, b/c I don't want to date someone that is looking for something serious. I don't want to waste their time with my flakiness and not wanting to commit to anything more than an occasional OS person to hang out with.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> The one guy that I had been having some great conversations with on POF messaging and text ended up creeping me out. I had been kinda iffy on his looks to begin with, and at one point he sent me a shirtless pic! Not that he was disgusting, but it just did not help his cause in that regard. Then not long after that, we had been asking and answering 5 questions with each other, and one of his questions was about sex. I thought it was out of line, and that pretty much killed it right there.


That's creepy...



Jellybeans said:


> That's what we are here for!
> 
> I say don't get into anything heavy before your date. Just go on your date and enjoy.


For the most part I have been following her lead, reacting to whatever I could naturally read from her.
I am honestly mildly nervous and just trying to remember that all I want is to just meet her and I really have no expectations other then that. 



vi_bride04 said:


> *AP - aren't we supposed to get some snow tomorrow?? *
> 
> And I believe the "what type of relationship are you looking for" conversation needs to happen even before meeting. Or at least have an idea of what the persons intentions are. Some people are dating to find a serious relationship, some people date just to screw, some people date just to have an opposite sex companion every once in awhile. If this girl is looking to date to find a committed/LTR partner, make sure you let her know you are NOT looking for that.
> 
> Up front, honest, don't sugar coat things just to not hurt someone's feelings if you aren't feeling it with them. Ain't no one got time for that.


Yes maybe, I have already told myself that I do not care if it snows I am doing this date NO excuses.

Again I have pretty much just been following her lead as best as I can. I really don't think she is ready to date herself but has some level of expectation that that is what she is suppose to do and I am here and she doesn't want to pass up on this...that is just what I am feeling from her.

After she said that about me not liking her after we meet the other night I told her to not elevate her expectations for me, she asked why what do I mean, and I told her that my life is not all peaches and roses.....

For the most part I want this date to be as casual as possible.



unsure78 said:


> Oh Another you dont get how complicated some women are...lol....
> 
> Just because you interact like that now...to me it has no bearing on what she might actually want in a relationship.. you guys havent been on a date yet, so only talking every few days is ok... she may have waaaay different expectations or wants if you do get in a relationship.
> 
> I almost always ask on a first date what the guy is looking for.. settle down again, ltr, just fun?
> 
> But all this is really irrelevant since you guys havent even been on a date yet
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand...that I really don't understand LOL
And yes all of this is irrelevant because we haven't even meet yet. It's a learning process.



Jellybeans said:


> Question for the men on this board. Is this too forward on a first date or ok? I guess I never have wondered about this.


No, I am incredibly blunt and have to hold my tongue for the most part.


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> Where did I say anything about looking for a hookup? As to casual, that is more my style, if I choose to get away and meet with someone the last thing I want to do is have some stuffy formal protocol to follow. To me, every date is casual (including with my steady gf). My preference is to not just go interview each other with a prepared checklist, gawd that sounds like torture. I want to go out for a good time, get to discover what you like instead of just listening to you tell me what you like. I want good company, good food, good entertainment and someone I can be myself with, so that when we sit and gave a serious conversation the purpose isn't to size each other up but rather learn about how the other one thinks and engage in social intercourse. But if I'm not laughing fairly frequently (ie having fun) I'm not having a good time and I will be less likely to want to follow up with a future date (ie continue the relationship).


I didn't say YOU said hook up...but you did insinuate that asking that question isn't a good idea and to just go with the flow. Why would any one want to go with the flow with someone that wasn't looking for the same thing they are? That doesn't make any sense to me.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> I like the oral implications of this. Please expound.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahahaahha bandito  you should come hang here more often... now that d2h has left we have an open spot to fill
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I like being pretty straightforward with people. But I will say, I seem to be like Lon and Vi on this subject of dating:



vi_bride04 said:


> I also ask, b/c I don't want to date someone that is looking for something serious. I don't want to waste their time with my flakiness and not wanting to commit to anything more than an occasional OS person to hang out with.


:rofl:

Sooo me! Hahaha.



Lon said:


> Where did I say anything about looking for a hookup? As to casual, that is more my style, if I choose to get away and meet with someone the last thing I want to do is have some stuffy formal protocol to follow. To me, every date is casual (including with my steady gf). My preference is to not just go interview each other with a prepared checklis


:iagree: This is kind of how I roll, too.



Another Planet said:


> That's creepy...


Hehe! So is getting random D!ck pics from a guy you barely know! HAHAHA



Another Planet said:


> I understand...that I really don't understand LOL


Haha. Self-awareness is GREAT. This is exactly how I feel about men. Hahahaha. :rofl:



unsure78 said:


> Hahahaahha bandito  you should come hang here more often... now that d2h has left we have an open spot to fill


Aww, I miss D2H. Yeah, Bandit, come on and join the fun!


----------



## bandit.45

I would pervert you guys more than you are already. 

By the way, I'm currently building a warehouse distribution center for a company that makes dildos and latex sex toys. 

Seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Can you get us some free samples?


----------



## jpr

To Jelly....

Ex husband left in Sept. 2011. Divorced finalized officially in Dec. 2012. 

Been dating bf since May 2013. 

I did the casual hooking up dating thing for 6 months prior.  I enjoyed it....but then it brcame unfullfilling. 

Yeah....I guess it might seem fast to some....but I dated my ex husband for 8 years before I married him....and look how that turned out?

I love him....want to be with him always .


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh JPR


----------



## jpr

Hahahaha.



Totally, vi! That is me...all the time.


----------



## vi_bride04

So my sister has been bombarding me with available dogs for adoption in the area. I have been putting dating on hold so I can focus on my weight loss and a few other goals I have. I may put it on hold some more to focus on the type of canine companion I would like to add  I mean look at this one! OMG. 










I'm "just looking" right now, but that usually means I will adopt in a couple months...lol


----------



## Another Planet

I have also been wanting a pup so bad! If this doesn't really work out after tomorrow I think I am going to start looking more seriously...I have a good friend that works at the shelter here and she had been watching for me for a while now. 

I will only adopt/rescue animals.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I have also been wanting a pup so bad! If this doesn't really work out after tomorrow I think I am going to start looking more seriously...I have a good friend that works at the shelter here and she had been watching for me for a while now.
> 
> I will only adopt/rescue animals.


Hey AP - screw dating and adopt a dog. Just think of all the opportunities to talk to women with the new dog when out on a walk in the nice warm weather!!!

Amen on the adopting only! I'd much rather pay $200 for a purebred than $1000+ for a puppy of the same breed from a breeder. I love the mixes too, its just surprising how many purebreds are in the shelters.


----------



## Lon

lisab0105 said:


> I didn't say YOU said hook up...but you did insinuate that asking that question isn't a good idea and to just go with the flow. Why would any one want to go with the flow with someone that wasn't looking for the same thing they are? That doesn't make any sense to me.


I would think that if you are on a date with me, the answer to your question "what are you looking for?" is right there in front of you. My answer to your question would be "I am looking to be on a date with someone I am interested in."

It's like asking a person that just bought a car "what kind of car do you want to buy?"


----------



## Lon

unsure78 said:


> Lol..Lon I think I would eat you alive on a first date...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Funny, after reading your description of this first date question I was thinking I probably wouldn't even let you take a bite!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hey AP - screw dating and adopt a dog. Just think of all the opportunities to talk to women with the new dog when out on a walk in the nice warm weather!!!
> 
> Amen on the adopting only! I'd much rather pay $200 for a purebred than $1000+ for a puppy of the same breed from a breeder. I love the mixes too, its just surprising how many purebreds are in the shelters.


lol I just might! 
I don't really care about the money it's that I don't support bringing more dogs into the world when there are so many out there already just waiting to die.


----------



## Another Planet

ROFL to funny!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> lol I just might!
> I don't really care about the money it's that I don't support bringing more dogs into the world when there are so many out there already just waiting to die.


We have one of THE most amazing rescues here in St Louis!

Stray Rescue of St. Louis

The founder is truly an angel come to earth for these animals.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I would pervert you guys more than you are already.


I really don't think that's possible. 

Vi, that pup is CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Funny, after reading your description of this first date question I was thinking I probably wouldn't even let you take a bite!


You know I think you are fantastic Lon... you, your bacon and ice cream
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> You know I think you are fantastic Lon... you, your bacon and ice cream
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All I am to you is food :/ and I am ok with that, but it's impossible to have a LTR with someone you consume!

Nobody can have their Lon and eat it too. But licking and sucking are feasible 

(Ok that sounds inappropriate, but it is knowingly atleast... And did you see my deep fried bacon picture in the picture thread?)


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> 100% AGREE.
> 
> Nailed it. And there is no bigger turn off than feeling like you are being disrespected.


Yep. I had more than enough of that in my marriage! 

RE the online dating thing. I hate the spying concept...both on me and by me. I just cancelled the account. Easiest thing to do. I can always sign up again.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Well that is where the Table Talk comes in... about what you both agree to. Make sure you are on the same table. As long as both are cool with it, then I see no harm in it.
> 
> I personally think a low key relationship like that sounds great but *admit I'd want to be the only one having boots knocked with.* My thing would be: if you meet someone else you want to date/bone, just let me know and we can part ways. This sounds like the perfect "in between" relationship. Relationships that exist in between big ones, if that makes sense.
> 
> My FWB and I in college had a similar arrangement. We had a total understand of what we were/weren't. As soon as we met other people, we stopped fooling around. It was PERFECT.
> 
> I don't think this situation would work long-turn if one person were super into the other person and wanted something more serious. Cause that is basically in direct contrast to what the FWB is. But there are times I bet it could develop into something serious. Stranger things have happened.


Exactly.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Ladies could you please give me your perspective on something?
> After reading Unsures comment and JB's response I was kind of smacked with a 2x4 with how airheaded about women I can be.
> You don't have to go in depth or anything with a response but the other night I shared a few photos of my travels last summer with her and she tells me that they are beautiful and that she wishes she could visit places like that and then mentioned something about if I still like her after we meet.....
> Am I already walking that fine line of hurting her? I am aren't I?


No, but imo that is a red flag of insecurity.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> All I am to you is food :/ and I am ok with that, but it's impossible to have a LTR with someone you consume!
> 
> Nobody can have their Lon and eat it too. But licking and sucking are feasible
> 
> (Ok that sounds inappropriate, but it is knowingly atleast... And did you see my deep fried bacon picture in the picture thread?)


Oooo I with have to go look...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> I have also been wanting a pup so bad! If this doesn't really work out after tomorrow I think I am going to start looking more seriously...I have a good friend that works at the shelter here and she had been watching for me for a while now.
> 
> I will only adopt/rescue animals.


Bravo! Adopting a friend is the best. And if you want to lose weight/get or stay fit, getting a pal to run with is fab.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Ladies could you please give me your perspective on something?
> After reading Unsures comment and JB's response I was kind of smacked with a 2x4 with how airheaded about women I can be.
> You don't have to go in depth or anything with a response but the other night I shared a few photos of my travels last summer with her and she tells me that they are beautiful and that she wishes she could visit places like that and then mentioned something about if I still like her after we meet.....
> Am I already walking that fine line of hurting her? I am aren't I?


No, you aren't walking the fine line of hurting her. She may be trying to lower your expectations of her upon meeting. Or be insecure about something.

Have you seen a photo? Are you sure it's current? This sounds like someone who may have used an old photo or photo shopped the one they have.

OR we could be over-analyzing and it could just be an offhand comment that, if you still hit it off in person like you do over the phone/text/IM/email then she's up for travel.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> OR we could be over-analyzing and it could just be an offhand comment that, if you still hit it off in person like you do over the phone/text/IM/email then she's up for travel.


I'm thinking THS.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> No, but imo that is a red flag of insecurity.


I think she might have an insecurity with me because on paper I can look really good to some lol
She says she will always talk to me even if I am not in to her...



EnjoliWoman said:


> No, you aren't walking the fine line of hurting her. She may be trying to lower your expectations of her upon meeting. Or be insecure about something.
> 
> Have you seen a photo? Are you sure it's current? This sounds like someone who may have used an old photo or photo shopped the one they have.
> 
> OR we could be over-analyzing and it could just be an offhand comment that, if you still hit it off in person like you do over the phone/text/IM/email then she's up for travel.


No I have maybe a dozen pictures, the majority ranging from last September when she ran a 5K and some from over Christmas also. I have seen pictures of her from a couple years ago and she is incredibly HOT! Like enough to kinda intimidate me lol



3Xnocharm said:


> I'm thinking THS.


What does "up for travel" mean?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Meaning if there is a connection with you, then she would be interested in traveling with you, going new places, etc....


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> Meaning if there is a connection with you, then she would be interested in traveling with you, going new places, etc....


Exactly. If you guys hit it off and dated for a while and you wanted to take a weekend trip someone, she's game. Some people just don't like going to new places or they are afraid of flying, etc. so she's letting you know she likes travel, too.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> She says she will always talk to me even if I am not in to her...



Ok whoa that statement is way red flagging me right now....

Seriously she will always talk to you even if you dont like her? Maybe im reading it wrong...I smell needy and or desperate... unless you two think you are going to be bffs forever...

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Maybe but a lot of hot women are quite insecure. Maybe they never get hit on because guys think she's out of his league? But my ex dated a model (she modeled clothing for catalogs) and he said she was the most insecure person ever. Constantly needing reassurance, checking her appearance, touching up makeup/hair... not sure why that sometimes is.


----------



## unsure78

You know what im going to stfu....

Another just enjoy your date and have fun...we all are having paralysis by analysis over here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

650,000 square feet of dildos and assorted sex sundries. Can't wait until they start stocking the place. 

Hope you all have great weekend. Get laid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> 650,000 square feet of dildos and assorted sex sundries. Can't wait until they start stocking the place.
> 
> Hope you all have great weekend. Get laid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Free samples bandito for thoes of us lovey ladies who are not currently getting any...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Ok whoa that statement is way red flagging me right now....
> 
> Seriously she will always talk to you even if you dont like her? Maybe im reading it wrong...I smell needy and or desperate... unless you two think you are going to be bffs forever...
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No she didn't say it like that at all. She has a very odd personality sometimes that I am not use to, not in a bad way. I don't know I like it. It was like nonchalant the way she meant it.
And this is the least clingiest person that has ever been interested in me I have ever encountered.
She has complete access to everything about me and she hasn't done anything forceful. I figure she is either not really interested(which doesn't seem to make sense), really doesn't want to turn me off of her, or is still very guarded. 
Maybe she really actually is not clingy/needy, this would be a first for me...I am so use to the opposite.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Free samples bandito for thoes of us lovey ladies who are not currently getting any...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't have that problem sweetie. But I'll see what I can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> You know what im going to stfu....
> 
> Another just enjoy your date and have fun...we all are having paralysis by analysis over here
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't mind. I sometimes think I have no idea what I am doing but then it just works out anyways. 
She seems like a sweet person and we also have quite a bit in common. I am excited kind of wish it was tonight.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> You don't have that problem sweetie. But I'll see what I can do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do have that problem right now... booo.. trying to find one worthy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Exactly. If you guys hit it off and dated for a while and you wanted to take a weekend trip someone, she's game. Some people just don't like going to new places or they are afraid of flying, etc. so she's letting you know she likes travel, too.


Ok you meant it literally, for some reason that went right over my head.



EnjoliWoman said:


> Maybe but a lot of hot women are quite insecure. Maybe they never get hit on because guys think she's out of his league? But my ex dated a model (she modeled clothing for catalogs) and he said she was the most insecure person ever. Constantly needing reassurance, checking her appearance, touching up makeup/hair... not sure why that sometimes is.


Shes hot but not like super model or really girly girl but at the same time girly girl super model hot. So far she has me pretty confused :scratchhead:

Oh yeah shes a pisces. Her go with the flow attitude and her duality shines very brightly. It's fun... I'll see what comes of it all.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

AP, I'm usually pretty literal.  I'll be curious to hear how it goes.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> 650,000 square feet of dildos and assorted sex sundries. Can't wait until they start stocking the place.
> 
> Hope you all have great weekend. Get laid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I walk by the trash bin behind a large adult store every day on the way to work, I often am curious what kind of stuff they throw away in there... But I've never been tempted to actually open the lid and look.


----------



## jpr

I like sex toys.


----------



## bandit.45

I like being a sex toy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Meeeeeeee too. 

My own personal sex toy gets home from a week long training tonight.

I have lots and lots of plans for him. I hope he has fresh batteries.


----------



## Another Planet

Woah, freaky Friday around here! :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Bored...think I am going to start a new FB page


----------



## unsure78

Ok quick ex rant so I dont unleash it on my date. .. 1) hes was 2.5 hrs late picking up his kid (traffic... well hey dumb ass you knew where you were going to be plan accordingly)

2) didnt bring child support again, now a month behind on child support which of course coincides when he got a job paying more money

3) didnt bother to tell me till he got here after I brought it up that he wouldn't be keeping the kid sunday night like he said he was going to start doing.. really?

4) lastly I said something to him cause he wore shoes on the carpet... so on the way out he quips at me... make sure your man doesnt wear his shoes in the house (meaning whoever I may be dating)


This is my exh dealings, 2 yrs after divorce
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Bored...think I am going to start a new FB page


That sounds like fun


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> That sounds like fun


Nonprofit for suicide prevention...been working on the biz plan for a while when I get down time.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Nonprofit for suicide prevention...been working on the biz plan for a while when I get down time.


Well sounds productive after all then! Good luck hope it works well.


----------



## Another Planet

I hope I can get it finished up by say next fall. Estimate 3months for these things but they always triple for some reason...plus I'm not even finished up with the biz plan anyway I'm just bored and can start the FB page and website
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Is that part of your business, Aplanet


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Is that part of your business, Aplanet


Well what exactly are you asking, non profits or suicide prevention?
I am a business owner I start and run businesses. That's what I personally do. 
I always wanted a non profit organization. I also like to help people in need, I have unfortunately dealt with more suicides then I can count on 1 hand so it is an avenue that I can drive down and relate with. 
Plus I just want to get involved in my community especially with kids/teens. I hope to be able to organize gatherings and events to keep our local youth and of course anyone else that wants to participate busy with a positive direction. 

I hope to get it off the ground sometime, which is better then never I guess.


----------



## vi_bride04

Cleaning the house for a bunch of cooking tomorrow. My sister is bringing stuff over for me to make a french toast breakfast then i bought stuff to make a lasagna dinner for a gf. Including some chocolate peanut butter ice cream bars for dessert. Indulging at home!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Well then. I think I have just been flaked out on lol
I told you guys I'm not sure if she is ready. I texted tonight to make sure we are on for tomorrow and confirm time because it was open ended yet...and she texts back... 

"It's been extremely stressful! I'm bleaching to calm down.(OCD) I'm waiting to hear from my friend what time she's coming tomorrow. She may be able to watch them."

And then we just go in to normal banter of discovery about people stuff. 
I think I will just let her know in the morning that it's fine if we don't meet up, I'm in no rush. Nsweet called it months ago.


----------



## jpr

I ask because my brother committed suicide about nine years ago. I have been a bit involved in support groups and organizations for depression and suicide prevention.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> I walk by the trash bin behind a large adult store every day on the way to work, I often am curious what kind of stuff they throw away in there... But I've never been tempted to actually open the lid and look.



Lonny Lonny. l saw you with your face down that bin , licking and sucking away :rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> The one guy that I had been having some great conversations with on POF messaging and text ended up creeping me out. I had been kinda iffy on his looks to begin with, and at one point he sent me a shirtless pic! Not that he was disgusting, but it just did not help his cause in that regard. Then not long after that, we had been asking and answering 5 questions with each other, and one of his questions was about sex. I thought it was out of line, and that pretty much killed it right there.



Yep l go with creeper. Ya don't have to ask that crap like that and the shirtless , really , give me a break .


----------



## whitehawk

Hows this , anyone can get this logger app that adapts to anything or , your date site and ID . lt's a creepy world out there isn't it.
Anyone on your site can fit one just to track you around while your on the site. This thing adapts to anything and logs the lot.

How's that , spooky .


----------



## unsure78

Sooo date with dh went really well.. I like like him... heheh we kissed for a long while.... yea I had a lot of fun with him... I havent stayed up this late in forever
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Nice one Unsure , good luck.


----------



## whitehawk

That's a relief . l discovered my site has an ofline button so no one can tell your on.

Trouble is you have to turn it on to chat but l mostly email anyway so things should be much nicer now .


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Well then. I think I have just been flaked out on lol
> I told you guys I'm not sure if she is ready. I texted tonight to make sure we are on for tomorrow and confirm time because it was open ended yet...and she texts back...
> 
> "It's been extremely stressful! I'm bleaching to calm down.(OCD) I'm waiting to hear from my friend what time she's coming tomorrow. She may be able to watch them."
> 
> And then we just go in to normal banter of discovery about people stuff.
> I think I will just let her know in the morning that it's fine if we don't meet up, I'm in no rush. Nsweet called it months ago.




Move along, little dogie.


----------



## unsure78

Hey Another what does your girl do for a living? We need a nickname for her....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I have heard that a lot of girls (in particular) are just looking for penpals online. When it comes time to meet, they make excuses or bail.


----------



## bandit.45

Did you get some last night jpr?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Did you get some last night jpr?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course she did.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Uh uh. Out of her own mouth. I want pics
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Uh uh. Out of her own mouth. I want pics
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol... I made out with dh last night....he was a pretty good kisser too 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

bandit.45 said:


> Uh uh. Out of her own mouth. I want pics
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course I did! 

...it was pretty friggin' amazing, too.


----------



## jpr

I love make-out sessions like that, Unsure! 

Good for you!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Woo hoo Unsure! AP's girl can be called Bleacher Hat. (So weird about her breaching to calm down). What was it that Nsweet called months ago? As for women wanting penpals online on dating sites... I don't think so. The whole point of a dating site is to date. Hehe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Woo hoo Unsure! AP's girl can be called Bleacher Hat. (So weird about her breaching to calm down). What was it that Nsweet called months ago? As for women wanting penpals online on dating sites... I don't think so. The whole point of a dating site is to date. Hehe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahahah bleacher hat is good... I like that...

Yea I had fun, we were out till almost 2am thats like crazy for me, I really enjoyed his company
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Omg you guys she is soooo weird I don't even know where to start. How do I get myself into these situations and why do I like it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Woo hoo Unsure! AP's girl can be called Bleacher Hat. (So weird about her breaching to calm down). What was it that Nsweet called months ago? As for women wanting penpals online on dating sites... I don't think so. The whole point of a dating site is to date. Hehe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah...I don't know what that means. Bleaching the bathroom or herself??


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Omg you guys she is soooo weird I don't even know where to start. How do I get myself into these situations and why do I like it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have a fun time on your date!!!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Omg you guys she is soooo weird I don't even know where to start. How do I get myself into these situations and why do I like it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uhhh Another we have been telling you for weeks that this girl probably had some major issues....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Fenix said:


> Yeah...I don't know what that means. Bleaching the bathroom or herself??


Omg..hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> Omg you guys she is soooo weird I don't even know where to start. How do I get myself into these situations and why do I like it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude. We have all been telling you for weeks about this. ...and questioning why you haven't made a real effort to meet her.

...but it sounds that this sort of drama floats your boat.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Hey Another what does your girl do for a living? We need a nickname for her....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Assistant district manager at a steel distributer...lol that sounds so funny coming out of my mouth!



unsure78 said:


> Hahahah bleacher hat is good... I like that...
> 
> Yea I had fun, we were out till almost 2am thats like crazy for me, I really enjoyed his company
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Fenix said:


> Yeah...I don't know what that means. Bleaching the bathroom or herself??


OMG lol...ohhh jeez



vi_bride04 said:


> Have a fun time on your date!!!


I hope it happens!



jpr said:


> Dude. We have all been telling you for weeks about this. ...and questioning why you haven't made a real effort to meet her.
> 
> ...but it sounds that this sort of drama floats your boat.


I don't know she is different that is for sure!...and I must like it


----------



## Another Planet

I text her late this morning because I haven't heard from her since last night with the "bleaching" the house banter...lol
But as of last night this is literally still up in the air kind of waiting on her, so I am just like "listen if you aren't feeling this tonight let's reschedule cause I am getting that vibe"

Shes like "woah where did this come from?"

Ok I made the date with her earlier in the week and just told her the timing can be whatever but I would prefer like 4-6 for dinner on Saturday, no real confirmation from her other then ok. Here it is the morning of and no time is set yet and she doesn't even have a sitter for her kids...this is all foreign to me...like I said last night it's like shes flaking out but from her texts shes totally cool...

I have no idea, this girl has me confused as all get out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Eh. I say just leave the ball in her court. I personally wouldn't have sent her any tect at all since shes the one that had to cancel. Shoulda left it up to her to reschedule. I do find it hella weird that you have let this chatty go on so long without meeting. Its like you also dont want to meet her. Am I wrong?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and ... I WANT SOME SEX. Last night I had a dream I was making out with Grandpa and just as it was getting good, I woke up. Noooo! I can't even get laid in my dreams! Why won't someone laaay me?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Well I must admit I am a little nervous but I do really want to meet her. 
I don't know, you guys keep telling me it should be a certain way and it just isn't and I really don't know how to explain it to you...I'm fine with it.

lol I hate those kind of dreams jelly!


----------



## Jellybeans

Let her schedule with you AP. Oh and I realize I could probably definitely have sex with Social Media Guy but if just some kisses of mine put him in a stage 5 clinger spell, I can't imagine what having sex with me will do to him. I shudder to think about that. The potency may make him lose his mind. :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and ... I WANT SOME SEX. Last night I had a dream I was making out with Grandpa and just as it was getting good, I woke up. Noooo! I can't even get laid in my dreams! Why won't someone laaay me?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I can't see it. What's it a picture of, drerio ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

A woman getting leid lol


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I can't see it. What's it a picture of, drerio ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm, interesting. Sorry you can't, it is a pretty much the same as this pic


----------



## Jellybeans

Hahaha funny! I still cant see either pic tho
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Hahaha funny! I still cant see either pic tho
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Time for someone to clean their cache. And, no that is not a euphemism for anything. Should be taken literally.


----------



## bandit.45

I had sex last night. 

Sex with a boulder. Went on a night hike with some pals, tripped and barked three inches of skin off my shin. 

I'm such a dumbass
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol Dre. Your sex life sounds as painful as mine, Bandit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Lol Dre. Your sex life sounds as painful as mine, Bandit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Word.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

So what is everyone up to today? Except jpr cause shes having sex...

Im just hanging at home doing laundry.. maybe going to meet up with a gf later tonight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I went back to bed to watch movies. Tired cause a buddy broke up with his GF so just had to come over last night to vent and drink...
Kind of gave up on "bleach hat" lol for tonight. If she does find a sitter at least it will be extremely casual because no way I can pull off anything but on this much short notice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Doctoring my leg, going for a run, washing my truck and then going to a friends house to frame a bedroom wall and closet for him. No sex involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Sorry you hurt your leg bandito... apparently hiking in the dark is a bad idea
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I finally got a job I enjoy and pays well. I have been doing it for about two weeks and I really like it. The bad side of the job, is that at the moment I am staying in government barracks and the no internet. My phone reception is also sucky at best.

However, I did joined Tinder and have been having fun with it.

If you single ladies want an ego boost, download Tinder. The simple concept is to look at men (women) who are nearby. You sign in with your FB account. 

If you see a pretty face you like, you swipe right if not swipe left. If the person likes you they also swipe right, or if you have shared interest you are matched.

90% of the swipe rights I have done have been reciprocated. It is fun!!

So a little of my Tinder experiences.

I have been chatting with a 37 year old man, has a rock solid body but not very handsome face. He lives about two hours away from me. He is too much of a player and only wants a hook up (yes, Tinder is for hook-ups only). He even called me!!! Unheard of...
His voice is strange. He did lie about his last name. But I found out his real name anyway! For future references, DO NOT give a gal your phone number and expect us not to google you.

We will google you. We will find out if you are lying, or if you are a serial killer....

Another boy (he is 24) was overly sexually aggressive. It gave me great pleasure to toy with his sexual desires and *put him down like the burn end of a midnight cigarette* (I stole that sentence from a country song!!!

It was mean to do that, but gratifying . . .

I also chatted with an even hotter 26 year old, who is soooo adorable yummy and delicious in his youth!!

I was surprise a lot of men who liked me are under 30 years of age, but that is my targeted audience anyway.... haha.

Then there is the LAPD cop who is also a weekend warrior at eh National Guard, he is sweet.

Then the free spirit, the cowboy, the one guy who looks handsome in one picture but not so much in others ( I never replied to him).

Oh and yes, I have gotten d!ck pictures, one was very nice looking!!! 

I hope to get a place soon, so I can come back and spend more time with all of you!


----------



## jpr

I tilled my garden today....then drank a beer outside with my dog and boyfriend....then I had shower sex. 


Good day so far.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> I tilled my garden today....then drank a beer outside with my dog and boyfriend....then I had shower sex.
> 
> 
> Good day so far.


Christ that sounds awesome :/

I tried to stay in bed and do nothing but I just can't stand that stuff...on the bright side I think I found an account manager for my FB stuff! I know real exciting lol


----------



## jpr

Everything is not all sunshine and roses in my world....

My internet and cable is out....and it won't be fixed until tomorrow. 

.....so I am going to go out for a late lunch at the beach and then take my bf to go get some fancy cigars, and we are going to grill out and sit outside drinking beer around the firepit tonight.


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> Everything is not all sunshine and roses in my world....
> 
> My internet and cable is out....and it won't be fixed until tomorrow.
> 
> .....so I am going to go out for a late lunch at the beach and then take my bf to go get some fancy cigars, and we are going to grill out and sit outside drinking beer around the firepit tonight.


Sounds like a nice life to me. 

I just jogged two miles trying not to hack up a lung.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Sigh... shower sex... yea miss that.. 

Laundry thats about it and being lazy (sorry Another but I have learned how to become lazy, lol it helps that I cleaned my house yesterday before dh came over)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Everything is not all sunshine and roses in my world....
> 
> My internet and cable is out....and it won't be fixed until tomorrow.
> 
> .....so I am going to go out for a late lunch at the beach and then take my bf to go get some fancy cigars, and we are going to grill out and sit outside drinking beer around the firepit tonight.


lol yeah that just sounds terrible :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

I made an amazing French toast breakfast, my sister came over to enjoy it. Going to make lasagna tonight for a bunch of friends.


----------



## jpr

Yeah....it's pretty awesome, actually. 

I appreciate my life a lot right now.


----------



## Another Planet

Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo with the kids tonight, probably make a Caesar dressing for a salad.


----------



## ne9907

Having dinner at Famous Daves, which an awesome bbq restaurant. It will be a family affair, about 8 of us, which is just 1/4 of the entire family. Will be fun!


----------



## unsure78

No idea what I will eat tonight..its just me here today and my gf plans are not happening... I guess pasta with sauce is always easy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I had an awesome time after work yesterday. Some of the best in ages. I had thought the studio was moving my favorite Oula class (Oula-X, the sexier version) away from Friday after work (when it's only $5) to mid-week (when I can't make it, and it's $10).    But I found out yesterday that they thought they had to change due to an injury suffered by the usual instructor. Due to popular demand, though, they just got a 2nd instructor. Yay!! I hadn't realized how much that helped my mood, to go there at the end of the work-week. I also started another Oula class through continuing adult ed. this week, and it wasn't nearly the same. Much more like an aerobics class: brightly lit gym, songs that were more appropriate for 'exercise' than dance, an instructor who is a lot of fun and very nice, but apologetic for making us do anything remotely 'sexy.'  It's been over a month since I've done any serious dancing, since contra was cancelled last week due to the snowstorm, and scheduling issues kept me from other classes. I ended up feeling like a clumsy ox Wednesday night.  But last night, the atmosphere was so different. And this instructor was fantastic. The studio is in part of a renovated former car dealer -- in an old repair bay, to be exact. Huge glass garage door, super high ceilings. At the start of class, it was FREEZING in there. By the end of the hour of solid dancing with no breaks, we had the giant fans going, but the windows were still all steamed up, and everyone was soaked with sweat, lol. I just felt soooo good -- it was like being in the 'zone' -- the steps were coming easy to me, I was able to relax and really stretch, have fun, and feel like a sexy girl instead of a klutz.  It just gave me the best boost I've had in...wow, months, I guess! :smthumbup: I wish I could do that class more than once a week. 

Then I ran home to shower and change, and went to the house of one of my Y friends for Game Night. It was the first time all 5 of us friends have been together since late summer. The beginning was kind of tough and emotional, as the 'catching up' part turned into a de facto support group session. Lots of triggering, crying, hugs, and further evidence that these women are just super amazing human beings. But then, we all decided to turn it around. Out came the alcohol and the Cards Against Humanity, and...I didn't make it home til 2:30 a.m.!! Had way too much to drink, laughed so much that we were all crying again, but in a good way. I was hoarse this morning, lol. 

The hostess almost canceled because she was feeling down. And another almost didn't come because she broke up with her bf. And a third almost didn't come because her ex was being a jerk about watching their daughter and she thought she'd be too late. Instead, we all talked about it on FB and decided that getting together with people who cared was exactly what we all needed, no matter when we all got there, and it was way better than isolating. And everyone felt much better by the end of the night.


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, Bandit! Sorry to hear about your mishap.  I hope your leg heals up quickly!


----------



## Another Planet

Yep just got the "my sitter can't get here until late" flake out...oh well, at least she does it nicely. So now we're even 1/1.

I have a back up date anyway so there ...my daughter made me promise to have a movie night tonight and eat popcorn and ice cream so there!


----------



## Jellybeans

I colored my hair this morning (I'm a brunette now!) and was sitting in my grandma's hospital room listening to her tell me all the things she "did" today in her dementia-laden haze. She thinks she is in California and told me to follow my heart. But I don't want to follow my heart. I want to get laid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

anotherplanet, do not invite her out again. let her come to you to reschedule.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> anotherplanet, do not invite her out again. let her come to you to reschedule.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep, if she wanted to she would make it happen. Now it's if I even want to continue chatting with her. I like our conversation and she is really cool but I kind of want to focus my efforts where there is more potential for an outcome.

I am spreading the "[email protected] yes!" love around! Loaned my book to my buddy last night.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I colored my hair this morning (*I'm a brunette now!*) and was sitting in my grandma's hospital room listening to her tell me all the things she "did" today in her dementia-laden haze. She thinks she is in California and told me to follow my heart. But I don't want to follow my heart. I want to get laid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you are a natural? 

Call me ignorant, may have seen your pic before, but given my grandpa age, I forgot.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Hell yes to Fvck Yessssss!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol I have naturally lighter hair. But always color it darker. I was the one of my siblings to get struck with one hella recessive gene. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Well then. She just went from 0-60-0 again for me. Pretty sure I'm OM again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Well then. She just went from 0-60-0 again for me. Pretty sure I'm OM again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you think you are an OM for her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

OM? Expand, please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmm


----------



## Another Planet

Jelly... other man or the person she is cheating with.

Well as you know I unfortunately have experience as being OM, a matter fact quite a lot...way to much. Fortunately a bunch of EA's...no I am not saying those are good but at least it wasn't taken to a PA level. Even my on off exGF I was OM TWICE! But that was obviously sexual.

Anyway she has now mentioned her old boss 2 times, once a couple months ago how they had lunch that day and again tonight about how they had snapchat'ed on her Bday and that I should DL it(so we can)

I may not be a full on OM because they might not be in a real relationship but he is defiantly a couple pegs above me and I am being set up to be on the back burner. 

There is a certain path that gets followed. Like only talking about exciting things. It's almost like the rest of normal life is void from the conversation.

I don't know, if she asks me about going out I probably will but I will definitely be on point. It's almost like they tell you what is going on with out saying it out right. They seem to try to set you up in position that take someone elses place...it's like they take the stuff they like about the other person and try to make you like that and then take all the exciting things they like about you...


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah I see. Yeah,... the gut is a funny thing huh? If that is the case then cut her loose. It is odd she keeps talking to you about her old male boss. Not into that. Like how is that supposed to be a turn on? Social media guy asked me again if i read his love letter and also asked me to lunch and coffee. I sprained my toe and went to get xrays today. The xray guy ... before taking pics asked me if there was any chance I am pregnant. I told him "No. And if i was that would be an immaculate conception. I'm not exactly having fun in that department." At which , he laughed and told me, "I'm sorry" and I replied, "Not as sorry as I am." He laughed again.


----------



## Nsweet

Oh man, I've been there. I've been the OM and not even known it. 

Finding out you're the OM after a sexual experience or in a budding relationship is like finding out that neighbor you gave a ride to shot the president later that day.... Which really did happen with JFK assassination. It's not a good feeling! 

It's a mixture of disappointment and shame, along with some depression. You hate yourself for doing the deed not knowing the person your with was using you, you feel betrayed for trusting her, and you start to question your own morals based on that event. 

Things would be so much easier if people would tell you how much they suck as a person before you get too involved. But, No. You have to read the signs and be a little less trusting. I know I will after that event. I still can't believe that woman waited until after sex to tell me she had a boyfriend and then suggested we all get together for a MMF threeway. Hell no!


----------



## Another Planet

I'm tired of that ****. Nothing is ever real, I am sooooo tired of that ****. I don't know maybe her ditching on me tonight put her in a different perspective for me but I am so done with trying to convince myself about someone.


----------



## Nsweet

Gee, I seem to remember a certain someone telling *Another Planet* not to date right now because he needed time to recover from his divorce and not just date an endless stream of crazy b!tches. He b!tched and whined and then what... He still did it anyways and look what happened. 

I'm going to go ahead and *be that guy* to just say it. 

*I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!*

What did you think I was just screwing with you, that I was keeping you from having sex because I'm just an evil person? No, this is why. This is exactly why! You're trading sex for affection to fill that void left over from divorce, but the only women you're still attracted to are the crazy b!tches who always end up using you. 

Why? Because all the good women are either avoiding that needy vibe of yours or they are not someone that attracts you... because you're still attracted to chaos. And until you fix yourself you're going to end dating these carbon copies of your ex wife so you can relive past issues and get some sense of closure missing from your marriage... Which you will never get this way. Only more shame and guilt projected at you for their bad actions.


----------



## Another Planet

lol Do I sound needy? 

You sound angry buddy, have a rough week? 
I'm actually cool with it all and just glad I noticed before it actually hurts.


----------



## Nsweet

Do I sound angry. No, that was more dad yelling at you for doing something he told you not to.

You gotta trust me man, if you get back out there too soon before you know any of the red flags.... this type of situation will happen over and over. 

There is some neediness in you. Take a break from dating for a few months and you'll be able to identify it too.


----------



## jpr

Seriosly, ap.
Three days of conversation,.then meet.



That's it.


you need to actually,meet to see if there is chemistry


----------



## Another Planet

Did anyone else notice Vi's knife block ROFL!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Do I sound angry. No, that was more dad yelling at you for doing something he told you not to.
> 
> You gotta trust me man, if you get back out there too soon before you know any of the red flags.... this type of situation will happen over and over.
> 
> There is some neediness in you. Take a break from dating for a few months and you'll be able to identify it too.


Gotcha...I understand right now but in all honesty I will probably keep fkn up. MONTHS!?! Summertime is coming up man...sigh
Alright heres the new plan, I am going to get a sports car and a dog!



jpr said:


> Seriosly, ap.
> Three days of conversation,.then meet.
> 
> That's it.
> 
> you need to actually,meet to see if there is chemistry


OK I will work on that.


----------



## Nsweet

Jpr raises a good point. 

You want to meet in person ASAP, which is usually a couple of days to get a number and a week at most to arrange a meetup. Anything longer than a week or two online and you lose the infatuation and chemistry.... You go from new friend to friend-zone quick.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Gotcha...I understand right now but in all honesty I will probably keep fkn up. MONTHS!?! Summertime is coming up man...sigh
> Alright heres the new plan, I am going to get a sports car and a dog!


Alright then, I'm willing to work with you. 

New plan.... You study all the red flags you can and you put together a list of boundaries you plan on keeping, with complete deal-breakers. The minute you get a bad feeling and hear something crazy you just opt out. 

And these are regular red flags, like you hear about how every one is mean to sweet little her.... RED FLAG! You hear how she's been married four times and none of her ex husbands will talk to her... RED FLAG! You hear anything that remotely sounds fishy, and you will at some point... Take note of it all and don't forget anything. 

I'm telling you for your own good, being a little picky is a good thing when it comes to dating. It will prevent you from falling in love with a dangerous woman and keep you from wasting the next couple of years on another bad relationship. 

And it's also a good idea to run back ground checks on people before you get too serious.


----------



## Another Planet

Well what if I am also making a big deal about nothing like I always do? What if she is just out in the dating world just like me and she is confused and just trying to meet someone nice just like I am and makes mistake here and there?


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Jpr raises a good point.
> 
> You want to meet in person ASAP, which is usually a couple of days to get a number and a week at most to arrange a meetup. Anything longer than a week or two online and you lose the infatuation and chemistry.... *You go from new friend to friend-zone quick*.


I'm not really worried about being in the friendzone. It doesn't bother me, I'm cool with being by myself.


----------



## bravenewworld

3Xnocharm said:


> Several of you have quoted agreement on this, but if you dont make this exclusive, then are you really okay with this other person going out with others and having this same kind of relationship with other people? :scratchhead:


This is a really good question and something I've thought a lot about and analyzed with my therapist. Bear with me because the answer is different for every person. 

The thing for me is - life is a contact sport and I know my own tolerance for taking a hit and being able to shake it off. It's really important to me not to be entangled with a commitment I know I'm not ready for. However, it's also important to connect with others in ways where I get to express affection and passion. Being flirtatious and sexual is an itch I have to scratch from time to time. 

That said, I'd be lying if I told you I don't get jealous occasionally or get my feelings hurt. Those things come with the territory of non-monogamous dating/sex. But I have the tools to deal with them and get over it. I don't dwell and I don't let someone else's behavior dictate my own sense of self-worth. 

Real life example: Swedish chef and I had a couple of great dates and intimacy, but things have also cooled a little. Does it bum me out? A little. I spent about fifteen minutes or so today thinking "why hasn't he asked me out again?" but then I meditated and put it out of my mind. I went for a run, went to a birthday party, and am now cuddling with my pets and working on a project. Overall, I still had a great day.

I'm going away on a long-distance trip soon and I knew that would probably lead to the attraction fading . It just happened a little sooner than I thought it would. And that's ok - I enjoyed the time we spent together and the things we did. It felt good.

Honestly I never thought I'd be in this mindset, but it turns out I'm not as fragile as I thought. I can deal with negative emotions in a positive way as long as I am respecting and taking care of my physical/emotional health needs. 

Your milage may vary and of course to thine own self be true.


----------



## Another Planet

Wondering if Ladylaker shows up here if we could give her a warm welcome. Not sure if you guys remember her from a couple months ago but she was around for a few posts.


----------



## bravenewworld

lisab0105 said:


> I actually hate the term "Friends with benefits". You are only FWB if you were actually genuinely friends before anything happened and are still able to maintain that friendship when the sex is over.
> 
> If you meet someone and just want to have sex with them, no strings...calling them a "friend" is a fallacy. Being someone's friend means actually being genuine and emotional with them, even if on a platonic level. It takes investment to be someone's friend. *Therefore, the person you met last week and they agreed to just have sex with you, is not your FWB. They are your booty call, blow-up doll, sex buddy, f'ck buddy...etc.* But they are not your friend in any capacity. Not until you stop f'cking them and actually try to get to know them can you refer to them as a friend.
> 
> And this really has no direction at anything in particular, I just see FWB thrown around so much here, it has always bugged me lol


I agree sometimes people use the term "friends with benefits" when "friendly acquaintance with benefits" is probably a bit more accurate. FAWB? :rofl:

But I can honestly say I have never thought of anyone using the above terms nor will I. Great sex isn't just about the physical act and there are often emotions involved, even if it's a casual situation.


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, but what if you're overlooking red flags right now by making excuses for her and trying to interpret her actions and convince yourself she's just some precious and confused little thing scared of dating, instead of looking at this with caution. 

You know what you sound like to me? You sound like a betrayed husband making excuses for his cheating wife. "Oh no she's not cheating, she's just stressed and taking it out on me. She're really a good woman when she's here and not working overtime... She's only acting like this because...." Get real. 

To me this sounds like the damsel in distress schtick. Pretend to be helpless and scared so you'll attract a man to take care of you, reward his efforts to teach you about the big scary world and protect you with lots of sex and attention, and then slowly let go of the act and start picking as his faults until he gets upset with you... Then use the story about that happening to attract the new man to save you. Repeat with as many boyfriends and husbands as necessary.


----------



## bravenewworld

Fenix said:


> Yep. I had more than enough of that in my marriage!
> 
> RE the online dating thing. *I hate the spying concept...both on me and by me. * I just cancelled the account. Easiest thing to do. I can always sign up again.


This made me giggle. So true!


----------



## Another Planet

I've said it before but if I am having sex with someone I already have emotional ties with them and so I could be hurt. I also don't want to elevate myself to the levels of casual sex and not caring anymore because well I am afraid of hurting the people who care about it like me as I am right now.


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> I'm tired of that ****. Nothing is ever real, I am sooooo tired of that ****. I don't know maybe her ditching on me tonight put her in a different perspective for me but I am so done with trying to convince myself about someone.


Never convince yourself about anyone. When your brain and body are feelin' it - you'll know. No convincing necessary. :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> *I've said it before but if I am having sex with someone I already have emotional ties with them and so I could be hurt.* I also don't want to elevate myself to the levels of casual sex and not caring anymore because well I am afraid of hurting the people who care about it like me as I am right now.


Getting hurt is a part of life though. Being hurt over a casual dating situation where I had some good times and good sex? Yup, I'll deal with it. 

Being hurt over a failed marriage that cost me 10 years of my life and thousands of dollars of debt? Um, I'd rather not. That's why I avoid committed relationships (for right now) and have no plans to re-marry. 

I've had sex while casually dating - and honestly I care about everyone I've had it with. You'll hurt people and people will hurt you. And it will all be ok. #mytwocents


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I've said it before but if I am having sex with someone I already have emotional ties with them and so I could be hurt. I also don't want to elevate myself to the levels of casual sex and not caring anymore because well I am afraid of hurting the people who care about it like me as I am right now.


_"(S)He who cares least controls the relationship." _You ever hear that one before? It's so very true! 

There's also a lot of freedom in not getting too close too quickly. You don't say all the stupid things you normally would or reveal any juicy secrets before you can trust them. You don't get roped into anything you don't want to do just because you're having sex. So no meeting the parents or going to crappy concerts. And you end up making the other person work harder to be with you. None of this couple of dates and then start having sex and you're automatically theirs. There's got to be some challenge there, not just a warm place to stick your willy that night.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Getting hurt is a part of life though. Being hurt over a casual dating situation where I had some good times and good sex? Yup, I'll deal with it.
> 
> Being hurt over a failed marriage that cost me 10 years of my life and thousands of dollars of debt? Um, I'd rather not. That's why I avoid committed relationships (for right now) and have no plans to re-marry.
> 
> I've had sex while casually dating - *and honestly I care about everyone I've had it with. You'll hurt people and people will hurt you. And it will all be ok. #mytwocents*


Yep. The caring thing is weird, who you care for you know. I guess what I am saying is I couldn't be having sex with you if I didn't already care for you in some manner. And I care about a lot of people so I guess does that make it relevant or not so much?
Heck I care about you guys, I think about all of you throughout my day.


----------



## jpr

I'm.drunk. Too many sttawberry Screwquarks. Dacquiris.

Ap
seriously.meet after.three days. Figure out chemistry. Problem solved. 

There.

elect me for president. I'll solve all the.worlds problems.

Especially while drunk. I'm exceptionally intelligent after drinking.


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Yep. The caring thing is weird, who you care for you know. I guess what I am saying is I couldn't be having sex with you if I didn't already care for you in some manner. And I care about a lot of people so I guess does that make it relevant or not so much?
> Heck I care about you guys, I think about all of you throughout my day.


I hear you, I feel the same way. I think it's a hell of a lot more healthy to care and be open to others as long as you aren't being reckless with your own emotional welfare or safety. Being vulnerable, being open, and going after what you want are never wrong in my book. 

If a man judges me for not playing games or pretending to be coy about sex then we are better off parted ways. I'm a woman who knows what I want.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> _"(S)He who cares least controls the relationship." _You ever hear that one before? It's so very true!
> 
> There's also a lot of freedom in not getting too close too quickly. You don't say all the stupid things you normally would or reveal any juicy secrets before you can trust them. You don't get roped into anything you don't want to do just because you're having sex. So no meeting the parents or going to crappy concerts. And you end up making the other person work harder to be with you. None of this couple of dates and then start having sex and you're automatically theirs. There's got to be some challenge there, not just a warm place to stick your willy that night.


I don't think that way, I don't want sex without the passion. I'm sure a lot of guys and "gals"  lol can but not me.

I don't like cynicism although I know it happens but I would rather be single and happy the rest of my life then strive for a relationship that makes me feel bad.
I wouldn't mind being this person I am right now at this moment 99% of the time and that is what I am striving for, and it seems everyday I am making headway to be happy every day.


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Hi, Bandit! Sorry to hear about your mishap.  I hope your leg heals up quickly!


Thanks hon. It's on the mend. 

My friend and I finished framing his new closet. Now he's going to do my taxes for me for free. Nothing like having a pal who's a CPA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks hon. It's on the mend.
> 
> My friend and I finished framing his new closet. Now he's going to do my taxes for me for free. Nothing like having a pal who's a CPA.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dread doing mine this year. Divorce...buying a house...blech. I'm almost glad my business was still in hiatus last year. At least I don't have to do those forms, too. Ugh!


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> I'm.drunk. Too many sttawberry Screwquarks. Dacquiris.
> 
> Ap
> seriously.meet after.three days. Figure out chemistry. Problem solved.
> 
> There.
> 
> *elect me for president. I'll solve all the.worlds problems.*
> 
> Especially while drunk. I'm exceptionally intelligent after drinking.


Sure, why not?

You know I've been working on a joke about a woman as president. Not really a joke, more of a bit about a really beautiful 35yo woman running for president and using her looks and mind games to solve all the worlds problems. 

You know there would be no wars during her presidency, we just wouldn't talk to certain countries for 4 years. And things with Russia, North Korea, and China... She would convince the head ladies in charge to close up the candy shop and stop having sex until a peace treaty was signed.

Can you imagine a state of the address during PMS? She would screw up and somehow find a way to make everyone feel guilty for it. Don't let her start crying.... that's how she softens your defense, if your a man. The women are onto her.

The best part. Best part! She would be really sweet in person and then she would have women she doesn't like "taken care of". Just let her catch her husband cheating... There wouldn't be a scandal, there would be body and a white house full of secret service agents scared to double cross her.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL Nsweet man you are so bittersweet. 
My 5th grade GF wanted to be prez, they asked us all what we wanted to be when we grew up and everyone was like "i want to be a doctor i want be a scientist i want to be a rockstar"....she was like I am going to be President of the United States of America lol...her name was Marissa Gonzales. If she ends up as prez well there ya go 
I totally should have stayed with her lol


----------



## Another Planet

Absolutely in love with the red head, she makes my heart flutter 0_o
But to the the point, this is your life and this is literally your time...do it!  
Snow Patrol - Called Out In The Dark - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Jpr raises a good point.
> 
> You want to meet in person ASAP, which is usually a couple of days to get a number and a week at most to arrange a meetup. Anything longer than a week or two online and you lose the infatuation and chemistry.... You go from new friend to friend-zone quick.


Yesssssss to both nsweet and jpr.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another, my friend, you are like a walking contradiction... you want casual relationship but feelings and sex are intertwined for you... nsweet is correct you sound like you are willing to over look red flags... if you think you might be an OM stop talking to her...if I read what you typed right she told you to be on the down low...ummmm yea that means you are the OM.. 

You need to raise you expectations and yea it may mean you are alone longer but when you do find someone worthy its all the better...

So take me as an example we all know I go on a ton of first dates, which I invest minimal amounts of myself and or time before I meet them.... now dont get me wrong I do my homework to make sure they are who they say they are... but because I only invest minimal time, say a week of emailing, if I see a red flag on a date its easy for me to walk away... in the last year do you know how many 3rd dates I have had..3.. thats it.. and 2 of thoes 3 guys I were pretty sure were just short term things and I was right (but they were interesting so I wanted to get to know them).... It has taken me a solid year of dating to find someone with some serious potential, and who knows that may not even work...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Well what if I am also making a big deal about nothing like I always do? What if she is just out in the dating world just like me and she is confused and just trying to meet someone nice just like I am and makes mistake here and there?


Look, as a dating mother, if I'm really interested in a guy, I line up a sitter the DAY he asks. I go through my list of neighbors and friends. If I can't line one up (OK should be past tense since she's 15 now but still) then I let the guy know right away, find out his schedule and see if I can't get a sitter on the days HE is available. And I can always wait til Dad's weekend to make SURE I'm available.

She is wishy-washy for some reason and either she isn't ready to date, isn't that all into you, you are the OM or she's just a half-assed person - the REASON DOES NOT MATTER. She isn't the quality woman you want/need.

And the bleaching to relax thing tells me that she doesn't deal with stress well. Can't just laugh it off, chill out and let it go. I've known those who clean in a frenzy out of stress and they are freakin high strung. I can't deal with that type. Maybe you can but high strung is stressful.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Oh, and my exciting weekend was grocery shopping, cleaning, watching a movie with kiddo, cleaning up the patio and listing old patio furniture on Craig's list (I got a helluva deal on a wicker sectional sofa for the screened porch boo-yah) and I got four bites within the first HOUR of listing it! Someone is coming this morning between 9-10 to look but I wonder if he knows clocks changed - he has 15 more minutes. If he doesn't show by 11, I'll reply to some of the others.

Today is cleaning house, doing laundry and taking a walk with the dog. Kid can come or not but I'd like to take her on the greenway.


----------



## Another Planet

She drunk texted me last night but it didn't go anywhere. 
I guess I don't know what I want. I don't want a casual relationship because I believe in comittment once you are passed the dating thing...by casual I mean if I am working for 3days straight and I miss a text its not the end of the world but I guess that is an unrealistic expectation. I don't know I guess I'll just move on and keep working on myself, maybe I'll actually finish one of my 6gazillion projects.

Good morning everyone Hope you all have a good day 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Enjoli - what movie did you guys watch? Kudos on selling your furniture!

Ooh I must have missed the part about Bleacher Hat telling AP to keep things on the "down low." When did that happen? Nonetheless, I wouldn't even be dealing withthat at all, AP. If she doesn'tt hink you are good enough to have "out int he open with," keeps cancelling plans and being wishy-washy, then why do you want anything to do with her at all?

You say you want a committment and this chick sounds like a contradiction for that. Especially if you are the OM. Hell it sounds like she may even be an OW to this other guy. No, thanks. That is way to much drama already. 

I have never been more happy to be home and be able to chill. I had the nuttiest week ever. I have cleaned and am going to pain my nails now and watch a movie on my DVR. Yee haw.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

She DRUNK TEXTED when she couldn't find a sitter???? THAT is classy. I drink in front of my kiddo but don't get drunk! Next!

And if 3 days goes by no biggie - not in my world. I would expect more frequent communication after we went out and we liked each other.

JB - Kiddo wanted to see Awkward something at the theaters but too late, it's gone. Will have to wait for PPV. So we looked PPV and she wanted to watch Catching Fire.

She has agreed to go to the greenway to walk the dog. Guy bought furniture and is coming to get any minute. I paid $10 for the metal glass top table 8 years ago because it was scuffed; I spray painted it. I paid $35 for the wicker sofa at Habitat ReStore 5 years ago and repaired loose pieces and spray painted it and made a cushion. I just sold both for $50.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> She DRUNK TEXTED when she couldn't find a sitter???? THAT is classy. I drink in front of my kiddo but don't get drunk! Next!
> 
> And if 3 days goes by no biggie - not in my world. I would expect more frequent communication after we went out and we liked each other.
> 
> JB - Kiddo wanted to see Awkward something at the theaters but too late, it's gone. Will have to wait for PPV. So we looked PPV and she wanted to watch Catching Fire.
> 
> She has agreed to go to the greenway to walk the dog. Guy bought furniture and is coming to get any minute. I paid $10 for the metal glass top table 8 years ago because it was scuffed; I spray painted it. I paid $35 for the wicker sofa at Habitat ReStore 5 years ago and repaired loose pieces and spray painted it and made a cushion. I just sold both for $50.



There should be a breathalyzer adaptor associated with the text app. 

On another note, I hate selling things on CL, 20 flakes for every sale. It may just be my area.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> *She DRUNK TEXTED when she couldn't find a sitter???? * THAT is classy. Next!


Haha. I almost said something about that. Sounds like you got a good deal on your furniture. I have never heard of Awkward.

Drerio, what does IKAIKA mean?



EnjoliWoman said:


> And if 3 days goes by no biggie - not in my world. I would expect more frequent communication after we went out and we liked each other.


:iagree:


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I almost said something about that. Sounds like you got a good deal o your furniture. I have never heard of Awkward.
> 
> 
> 
> Drerio, what does IKAIKA mean?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:



Ikaika, is a Hawaiian name (my actual Hawaiian name, although I have an English first name), means strong or powerful (pronunciation is in my sig). 

ETA: my Kupuna always calls me by my Hawaiian name.


----------



## unsure78

Lol ladies I almost made the same comment about getting drunk in front of the kids..

Great minds think alike 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know if she was drunk drunk but there were more mistakes then usual and I knew her friends were coming over last night to hang out and have a couple beers. Plus she also warned me she might so I was kind of expecting it. 

Jelly she didn't exactly say keeping on the down low it is just the way the general picture is coming together. If she blatantly said keep it on the DL I would definitely not be into that. 

When we first started talking months ago she was letting her match account expire shortly and I asked her why and she said she wasn't really into it and that she found what she was after. That just always felt odd the way she did it and VIP me week after week. I don't know...whatever now. She will have to actually do something to impress me now cause I lost interest for the most part, just to many oddities I feel I am just sweeping under the rug. 
Hindsight is 20/20 :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Lol ladies I almost made the same comment about getting drunk in front of the kids..
> 
> Great minds think alike
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Kids were in bed, she puts them down at 7 every night...
Why do I know that ****? Christ its like I'm in a relationship with her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

You are. In a text relationship. With a woman you have been talking to for months, who you have never actually met, who keeps flaking on dates, and who told you she already found what she was looking on the dating site she soon went off of...

I painted my fingernails a beautiful Spring-ish color. I never do that so I am happy. It always seems like such a waste being that I use my hands so much and will probably botch them later when I start cooking.

I feel like a lady with my hands painted


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> You are you. In a text relationship. With a woman you have been talking to for months, who you have never actually met, who keeps flaking on dates, and who told you she already found what she was looking on the dating site she soon went off of...
> 
> I painted my fingernails a beautiful Spring-ish color. I never do that so I am happy. It always seems like such a waste being that I use my hands so much and will probably botch them later when I start cooking.
> 
> I feel like a lady with my hands painted


Yep...jelly summed it up well...

And I bought a new spring purse today!!

Ooo And jelly thats a good idea, I think I might do that this week too and go with a spring color... cant wait for spring to be here!

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Oh, it was "That Awkward Moment" that she wanted to see but wasn't in theaters anymore.

I've had pretty good luck on CL with selling furniture - maybe because it's the area or maybe I take good photos so they see what they are getting and price it right?

Anyway, got back from the greenway - walked for 30 minutes, some slow, some jogging - speed depended on the dog who was running then stopping to sniff, then running... on the way back it was more normal fast walk once his hip was bothering him. It's gorgeous here today.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> You are. In a text relationship. With a woman you have been talking to for months, who you have never actually met, who keeps flaking on dates, and who told you she already found what she was looking on the dating site she soon went off of...
> 
> I painted my fingernails a beautiful Spring-ish color. I never do that so I am happy. It always seems like such a waste being that I use my hands so much and will probably botch them later when I start cooking.
> 
> I feel like a lady with my hands painted


That is weird to hear it like that. 
You don't think she actually feels invested into this do you? Like this situation is what she was looking for? What an odd feeling now...I guess if she wanted to it would be different huh? I mean she lives 5min from me and as I have said has every ability to take things further and she has had all the time in the world.


----------



## bandit.45

Ughhh. Just reading this stuff. So glad I don't date anymore and have to put myself through all the self doubt and confusion. Don't miss it at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I painted my toe nails blue... I love them!
Had a very busy Sunday, just relaxing now.


----------



## jpr

My ex in laws are in town. I just had dinner with my ex mother in law. I love her, but I have to bite my tongue around her because she was going on and on about how proud she is of the dad her son has become. 

Sasquatch is certainly doing better.... But it is mostly due to him trying to compete with my bf.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> That is weird to hear it like that.
> You don't think she actually feels invested into this do you? Like this situation is what she was looking for? What an odd feeling now...I guess if she wanted to it would be different huh? I mean she lives 5min from me and as I have said has every ability to take things further and she has had all the time in the world.


Same could be said for you also. I don't think her babysitter falling through actually means anything. You have cancelled a date before on her. And as a mom, babysitters are a ***** to deal with. I honestly think she is taking your lead with the lackadaisical approach. Anyway, just from what you have said here she hasn't done anything too much different than yourself. You mentioned on her birthday that she said her door is open to anyone that knocked. That was her way of saying "come over if you want" with out actually asking. 

Anyway...again just 5 minutes away, you could of tried to meet up with her a lot sooner too...If you wanted to actually make the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> Same could be said for you also. I don't think her babysitter falling through actually means anything. You have cancelled a date before on her. And as a mom, babysitters are a ***** to deal with. I honestly think she is taking your lead with the lackadaisical approach. Anyway, just from what you have said here she hasn't done anything too much different than yourself. You mentioned on her birthday that she said her door is open to anyone that knocked. That was her way of saying "come over if you want" with out actually asking.
> 
> Anyway...again just 5 minutes away, you could of tried to meet up with her a lot sooner too...If you wanted to actually make the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OH SNAP.... well done lisab, well done
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Bandito why have you given up on dating entirely? Or is it still just hiatus
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> My ex in laws are in town. I just had dinner with my ex mother in law. I love her, but I have to bite my tongue around her because she was going on and on about how proud she is of the dad her son has become.
> 
> Sasquatch is certainly doing better.... But it is mostly due to him trying to compete with my bf.


Well if it is true that your ex has made progress with being a better father that is a good thing, not worth her bragging over to what seems like is trying to make you feel bad but nonetheless it is positive.

Moms picked up kids today...NONE of them wanted to leave  
It makes me really sad but they need to see their moms. My youngest son called me a jerk the other night because he was having problems with his homework and throwing a big fit after my multiple attempts at showing him different avenues for a math problem and I told him he needed to go chill out in his room. I talked to my big sis about it and she said that he probably just needed a safe loving place to vent about his other life with his mom...


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Same could be said for you also. I don't think her babysitter falling through actually means anything. You have cancelled a date before on her. And as a mom, babysitters are a ***** to deal with. I honestly think she is taking your lead with the lackadaisical approach. Anyway, just from what you have said here she hasn't done anything too much different than yourself. You mentioned on her birthday that she said her door is open to anyone that knocked. That was her way of saying "come over if you want" with out actually asking.
> 
> Anyway...again just 5 minutes away, you could of tried to meet up with her a lot sooner too...If you wanted to actually make the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I know. That isn't weird though? It's weird to me. I didn't want to just intrude on some strange womans place for her bday party. I wouldn't mind meeting her first after that honestly all bets are off.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Oh, it was "That Awkward Moment" that she wanted to see but wasn't in theaters anymore.
> 
> I've had pretty good luck on CL with selling furniture - maybe because it's the area or maybe I take good photos so they see what they are getting and price it right?
> 
> Anyway, got back from the greenway - walked for 30 minutes, some slow, some jogging - speed depended on the dog who was running then stopping to sniff, then running... on the way back it was more normal fast walk once his hip was bothering him. It's gorgeous here today.



It is true my pics for CL items are not that good, but price everything well. Usually able to sell within days after I sift through the flakes.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Bandito why have you given up on dating entirely? Or is it still just hiatus
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had a bit of heartbreaking end to a relationship last year and I just said to myself "fvck it". Then I had heart valve surgery in November and that sort of freaked me out. I haven't desired sex since that time. Still don't. It is very liberating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I had a bit of heartbreaking end to a relationship last year and I just said to myself "fvck it". Then I had *heart valve surgery in November* and that sort of freaked me out. I haven't desired sex since that time. Still don't. It is very liberating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn, and you did not say anything or did I just miss this? I hope you are doing better? Please take care and sending you more long term healing Aloha.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Same could be said for you also. I don't think her babysitter falling through actually means anything. You have cancelled a date before on her. And as a mom, babysitters are a ***** to deal with. I honestly think she is taking your lead with the lackadaisical approach. Anyway, just from what you have said here she hasn't done anything too much different than yourself. You mentioned on her birthday that she said her door is open to anyone that knocked. That was her way of saying "come over if you want" with out actually asking.
> 
> Anyway...again just 5 minutes away, you could of tried to meet up with her a lot sooner too...If you wanted to actually make the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The exact cancellation of date text...

"Ok my friend is coming over tonight but not until 8 or 9 n she's bringing beer and a boy. Lol so I will not be leaving tonight. We will have to work something out for another time we are both free."

IMO she just wasn't interested soooo whatever...next! and next being literally buying a sports car and a new pup...maybe a new motorcycle also.


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Damn, and you did not say anything or did I just miss this? I hope you are doing better? Please take care and sending you more long term healing Aloha.


I'm doing good. They did it endoscopically so I didn't have to have my chest split open. I feel good and am getting my wind back more and more each day. I had blood leaking into my lungs and that caused a form of pneumonia. It was scary. It messed me up emotionally more than physically.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Oh. Wow, bandit. I had no idea.


----------



## bandit.45

It's cool guys. I'm healed up and feeling good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Morgiana

unsure78 said:


> Im not like freaking out over it, as we are not exclusive... just a bit disappointed... it tempers my excitement in thinking I may have met someone with potential. .. and brings me back to hes like every other guy out there (no offense to my boys on tam)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The thing is unsure, is if he's not on the same page as you, if you don't have the commitment yet, it just may be a difference of opinion. Whether that difference is enough that you want to walk away from the possibility of a relationship is very much pertinent, but I don't think it means he's like every other guy out there.... it just means he isn't the guy for _you_.


----------



## Morgiana

bandit.45 said:


> I like being a sex toy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And if a woman were to say this, greater than 50% chance she'd be called a wh0re.

And don't get me wrong, I like sex. But just saying...


----------



## Nsweet

Happy Sunday everyone.

How has your day been so far? With me, this is my off day.... I don't think about, stress over, or focus on anything I don't have to. So sort of a recharge period.


----------



## bandit.45

Morgiana said:


> And if a woman were to say this, greater than 50% chance she'd be called a wh0re.
> 
> And don't get me wrong, I like sex. But just saying...


When I'm into a woman I'm definitely her ho. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Happy Sunday everyone.
> 
> How has your day been so far? With me, this is my off day.... I don't think about, stress over, or focus on anything I don't have to. So sort of a recharge period.


Dreaming of warmer times and planning our next trip!!!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I don't know if she was drunk drunk but there were more mistakes then usual and I knew her friends were coming over last night to hang out and have a couple beers. Plus she also warned me she might so I was kind of expecting it.
> 
> 
> Don't be too hard on yourself AP.
> l have a similar thing going with "T" though it's only been l dunno, wk or 2.
> Too much back reading to figure out all of you and her but T and l are pretty full on though there are things.
> 
> Been a wk or 2 for us, dunno l'd have to check.lt's exploded , we are sooo comfortable with each other . We call, text, do mile long emails. From work , bed, anywhere, wake up together , it's full on ha , we call it our private wittle bubble.
> Everyone here l know would say oh you should've met , l know.
> Thing is , l don't care about rushing over to her place just yet because supposing it does go full on , the same it has now , then fk me - l wasn't looking for full on yet, that's why it's happened of course . The old when your not looking thing.
> 
> But she has big stuff too, ex was a serious phyco and she needs to be damn sure she can be safe with someone new.
> l'm cool with that and l'm not in a hurry either. Like there's fun and there's a serious , well if in person it did take off the way we have so far then this will be full on and as l said.
> So l have to think of it as full on, because there'd be no turning back.
> 
> So with yours , l dunno, it could be fear , subconsciously stalling , me and T 'are" doing exactly that, consciously and sub , we're well aware of it , hell we joke about it .
> Can't tell if that's the same one you were suppose to be hooking up with the other day that cancelled or not , the boss thing.
> Anyway , l'd suss that boss thing out before dumping it .
> lt may be nothing , just work , stuff , distance , timing.
> 
> And now you'll pee yourself laughing at my next post ha , like anyone should listen to me l'm as fkd up as the rest of us :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Just for any of the guys on date sites , all l can say is if it seems fkd up , just sign out for a mth or two and drop back later .
Huge difference in mine from a mth ago , they seem to change all the time, new people ..


----------



## whitehawk

Problem ?

What do you do with the rest while your working through the biggie ?

l've weeded the garden and l'm down to 2 others apart from T . l mean if it wasn't for T l'd be right into one of these other two.
Phone numbers fk me, l don't have the time and l only work p/t.

But there's two main one's. Ones 7hrs away , she's seems like such a sweetheart but l can't go too far and the other ones 2hrs away . She's as rare as hens teeth , but l'm messing round with T .

But what if T in person fizzles ?
l don't wanna mess around the other 2 main ones but l don't wanna dump them encase T does fizzle .

So how do you work this stuff ?


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Happy Sunday everyone.
> 
> How has your day been so far? With me, this is my off day.... I don't think about, stress over, or focus on anything I don't have to. So sort of a recharge period.



Yeah way to go ns.
l try to make sunday like that to. But although l won't be physically working and always try to enjoy it , l do usually have an auction for work finishing Sun night so that's a bit of a kill joy.
Often text and bank transfers after , often wrecks a Sun night unfortunately.


----------



## whitehawk

What do you say when your weeding the garden ? How do you put it ?

l find it really hard trying to say to someone eh - don't think there's much point you know.

Not that l say that but that's basically the thing so you wanna give it the chop .
Great if you catch it first email on mine , follow up has a whole list of replies if your not interested - all ya gotta do it tick one and press send, all done .

Gets a bit trickier once you've been talking a bit though , no more ticking, you gotta do the deed :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> The exact cancellation of date text...
> 
> "Ok my friend is coming over tonight but not until 8 or 9 n she's bringing beer and a boy. Lol so I will not be leaving tonight. We will have to work something out for another time we are both free."
> 
> IMO she just wasn't interested soooo whatever...next!


Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you are very interested.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> But what if T in person fizzles ?


If T fizzles, then she fizzles. It won't be the end of the world. Things happen. In fact, it's more likely it will fizzle than that it will spark being that you are not going to spark with everyone you meet. Numbers game and all.



whitehawk said:


> What do you say when your weeding the garden ? How do you put it ?


"I am dating other people." Be honest.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

*Most* will fizzle in person. That's why it's not good to spend so much time emailing. Trust me, I'm a pro. I've had LOTS of first dates. 

Initially I would only talk to one guy at a time because it felt weird keeping up with multiple guys. And I wasn't in a hurry to meet. So I would get too invested, communicate with men for a long time, thought they were fab, was excitedly thinking maybe he's the one... then we meet. Aaaaaand... nothing. 

So after that happening a few times I finally just decided I needed to meet right away if there was any interest. (Right away meaning my first available opportunity which could be several weeks and I was fine emailing every few days up until then.) After being stuck at dinner with a guy at a bar/grill where he spent most of his time looking over my shoulder at the TV, I took it a step further and decided to make it just lunch or drinks to keep it short so if things are not good, it's easier to cut it short.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you are very interested.



What's a boy , like her son or something ?
Anyway , sounds like l missed too much of this one to even comment really , better scratch it :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> *Most* will fizzle in person. That's why it's not good to spend so much time emailing. Trust me, I'm a pro. I've had LOTS of first dates.
> 
> Initially I would only talk to one guy at a time because it felt weird keeping up with multiple guys. And I wasn't in a hurry to meet. So I would get too invested, communicate with men for a long time, thought they were fab, was excitedly thinking maybe he's the one... then we meet. Aaaaaand... nothing.
> 
> So after that happening a few times I finally just decided I needed to meet right away if there was any interest. (Right away meaning my first available opportunity which could be several weeks and I was fine emailing every few days up until then.) After being stuck at dinner with a guy at a bar/grill where he spent most of his time looking over my shoulder at the TV, I took it a step further and decided to make it just lunch or drinks to keep it short so if things are not good, it's easier to cut it short.



And hey , no tv's :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Hmm , this is a tough call on T .
Does it still hurt if it fizzles or does a fizzle just wipe out previous feelings l wonder ?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Eh - it can be a hit to ones' ego if it fizzles but then again it's sort of to be expected. That's why I prefer to not invest much until I think there's a spark and that cannot be determined until we meet. 

I learned long ago not everyone i meet is going to like me, much less be attracted to me as well. If I like him but he doesn't like me, I wouldn't call it hurt so much as brief disappointment.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Does it still hurt if it fizzles or does a fizzle just wipe out previous feelings l wonder ?


There's no way to determine now how you will feel in the future.


----------



## whitehawk

Bit worried to be honest , just in a self preservation sense. And if my friend T from tam here see's this , it's not you T ok, nother T .
But T is getting soooo strong . Although if my past is anything to go by , this is exactly what would happen especially when l didn't even want strong. Fk !

Now it's like we need to meet , now , before this gets any stronger AND , she's had her hair done . Double fk !
lt's my all time freakin fav hair , long wavy mousey blonde , it's looks gorgeous, l'm screwed .


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> lt's my all time freakin fav hair , long wavy mousey blonde , it's looks gorgeous, l'm screwed .


:rofl: Adorable.

Set up a date.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Adorable.
> 
> Set up a date.



Ahh thanks JB. Gonna have to l spose yeah ! l sorta wish she got something l didn't like so much just for now you know though, so l still have a fighting chance 
Now l'm useless :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


>


Haha. I finally could see the picture! LOVE IT!

That is exactly what my face is going to look like when I finally get lei'd/laid!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I finally could see the picture! LOVE IT!
> 
> That is exactly what my face is going to look like when I finally get lei'd/laid!



This kind of stuff happens on the islands every day, Hawaiians are like that


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> This kind of stuff happens on the islands every day, Hawaiians are like that


Hehehe. Apparently it happens everywhere and to everyone except to me.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Problem ?
> 
> What do you do with the rest while your working through the biggie ?
> 
> l've weeded the garden and l'm down to 2 others apart from T . l mean if it wasn't for T l'd be right into one of these other two.
> Phone numbers fk me, l don't have the time and l only work p/t.
> 
> But there's two main one's. Ones 7hrs away , she's seems like such a sweetheart but l can't go too far and the other ones 2hrs away . She's as rare as hens teeth , but l'm messing round with T .
> 
> But what if T in person fizzles ?
> l don't wanna mess around the other 2 main ones but l don't wanna dump them encase T does fizzle .
> 
> So how do you work this stuff ?


This is just me, but I would just ''dump'' them. First, both are too far away to be meaningful (I am a 40 min gal) and second, there will always be other ones should T fizzle.

Anyway, imo, you can't just keep someone on the back burner as a just in case. It doesn't seem right.


----------



## bandit.45

Hawaiians are the kings of Spam. If you can think of a dish, they can Spamify it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Now I want spam fritters and I haven't had those since junior school


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you are very interested.


Well she looks good on paper, the best actually. And we got along very well when we converse. Fit every single one of my criteria. But alas there honestly was no spark for me anyway and obviously for her. 
Maybe there would have been more if we were to meet in person but at the moment I do not see that happening. I am not going to ask her out again unless for some odd reason it seems fitting.



whitehawk said:


> What's a boy , like her son or something ?
> Anyway , sounds like l missed too much of this one to even comment really , better scratch it :scratchhead:


No she means her GF was bring her BF, it's just a smarmy attitude that the city girls have around here. Try to belittle there SO's to elevate themselves. 



Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Adorable.
> 
> Set up a date.


Agreed


----------



## Another Planet

My stalker texted last night...and this morning. Well she is not really my stalker she is just a little too aggressive and persistent. I told her along time ago it wasn't happening but here she is still coming at me lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Who is the stalker? She sounds like Social Media Guy.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Hawaiians are the kings of Spam. If you can think of a dish, they can Spamify it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



. Apparently the Spam museum up in MN has a whole section dedicated to Hawai'i and our love for that meat-like treat.


----------



## Another Planet

Just a girl from early on in my Match experience. Lives like an hour away, she is a sweet girl just not happening...lol the stuff her and I have talked about makes me smile though. See I actually have more of a spark with her then bleacher.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Just a girl from early on in my Match experience. Lives like an hour away, she is a sweet girl just not happening...lol the stuff her and I have talked about makes me smile though. *See I actually have more of a spark with her then bleacher.*


That should be a sign to not even meet up with bleacher. If you have more of a spark with a girl who you have already decided isn't happening, why would you want to meet up with another person who you have less spark with? Just curious.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> That should be a sign to not even meet up with bleacher. If you have more of a spark with a girl who you have already decided isn't happening, why would you want to meet up with another person who you have less spark with? Just curious.


Because Another is just a confused soul.....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Because Another is just a confused soul.....


I can relate to being a confused soul, so little judgement coming from this side, lol!


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know isn't that what I am suppose to do? Like i said she falls into what I am looking for really good. I am not trying any harder though, she is going to have to make the next move and make an impression on me. I'm not even going to text her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Another Planet said:


> I don't know isn't that what I am suppose to do? Like i said she falls into what I am looking for really good. I am not trying any harder though, she is going to have to make the next move and make an impression on me. I'm not even going to text her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When you are fishing, it's better to have multiple lines in the water.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I can relate to being a confused soul, so little judgement coming from this side, lol!


Hey I get it i make my fair share of mistakes as well... as long as you learn from them everything is good...


----------



## Another Planet

ThreeStrikes said:


> When you are fishing, it's better to have multiple lines in the water.


I have enough lines in the water lol.
She was just the front runner. Honestly I might keep dabbling in dating but for the most part I am done for a bit. Going to spend the next week or so getting paperwork together and sitting in the collections office knocking heads around for my money people owe me. Then buy my sports car...or most likely build it anyway. I told you guys if it didn't work out Saturday I might be done, I wasn't joking lol

If I do date it will be as you guys suggested a couple emails then meet. Or through friends, which never wanted to do and is one of the reasons I went the online way anyway...looking for out of my crowd.


----------



## unsure78

how are you doing 3x?


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Just a girl from early on in my Match experience. Lives like an hour away, she is a sweet girl just not happening...lol the stuff her and I have talked about makes me smile though. See I actually have more of a spark with her then bleacher.


If you have more of a spark with her, why isn't it happening? Or, rather, why don't you want to give it a chance? Just curious about your reasoning.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> If you have more of a spark with her, why isn't it happening? Or, rather, why don't you want to give it a chance? Just curious about your reasoning.


She has an incurable disease. She is a really really sweet girl like I said, but she just made some personal mistakes.

We were on the fast track to meeting, we had not talked for long maybe a handful of emails that went to texting that went to phone calls that went to me invited to a BBQ at her brothers place and me inviting her to Ren Fest.....then she calls me late one night a couple days before the BBQ balling her eyes out to confess everything. So I had to tell her it's not happening and she agreed to friendship only.

And there's another reason to take it slow out there.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> how are you doing 3x?


Still frustrated! 

I am more frustrated with NoChem than ever, because now he has feelings for me but still wont move forward. It was actually easier to deal with when he didnt have those feelings. No lectures from anyone please, I am aware of my own stupidity.  This is why I dont talk about it!

I am supposed to meet a guy from Match this week, but I did not hear from him over the weekend. I texted him a little bit ago and havent heard from him yet, but with his work, this isnt unusual, so I am not freaking out or anything. If this doesnt work out, either because he has dropped out of my world, or we meet and dont click, I am hanging up the dating thing for a while.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I always looked at the 'first meet' as a way to determine if there was a spark. This is why it is encouraged that you meet IRL as soon as possible.

There's no such thing as a spark with texting and emails. That's just mental masturbation.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> She has an incurable disease. She is a really really sweet girl like I said, but she just made some personal mistakes.
> 
> We were on the fast track to meeting, we had not talked for long maybe a handful of emails that went to texting that went to phone calls that went to me invited to a BBQ at her brothers place and me inviting her to Ren Fest.....then she calls me late one night a couple days before the BBQ balling her eyes out to confess everything. So I had to tell her it's not happening and she agreed to friendship only.
> 
> And there's another reason to take it slow out there.


Ouch.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Still frustrated!
> 
> I am more frustrated with NoChem than ever, because now he has feelings for me but still wont move forward. It was actually easier to deal with when he didnt have those feelings. No lectures from anyone please, I am aware of my own stupidity.  This is why I dont talk about it!
> 
> I am supposed to meet a guy from Match this week, but I did not hear from him over the weekend. I texted him a little bit ago and havent heard from him yet, but with his work, this isnt unusual, so I am not freaking out or anything. If this doesnt work out, either because he has dropped out of my world, or we meet and dont click, I am hanging up the dating thing for a while.


Do what you need to do 3x...we all love you you know that


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Do what you need to do 3x...we all love you you know that


Thanks, that means a lot, it really does! I dont know what I would do without this place!


----------



## Another Planet

Uh oh. 3X is talking about bowing out too! Isn't that always when you end up with a relationship! Lets all just give up then everyone gets laid!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Uh oh. 3X is talking about bowing out too! Isn't that always when you end up with a relationship! Lets all just give up then everyone gets laid!


:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Still frustrated!
> 
> I am more frustrated with NoChem than ever, because now he has feelings for me but still wont move forward. It was actually easier to deal with when he didnt have those feelings. No lectures from anyone please, I am aware of my own stupidity.  This is why I dont talk about it!
> 
> I am supposed to meet a guy from Match this week, but I did not hear from him over the weekend. I texted him a little bit ago and havent heard from him yet, but with his work, this isnt unusual, so I am not freaking out or anything. If this doesnt work out, either because he has dropped out of my world, or we meet and dont click, I am hanging up the dating thing for a while.


Man that sucks!!

I know I hate it!

Someone say, then you are fishing it is best to have multiple lines in the water! I say Amen to that!!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I am more frustrated with NoChem than ever,* because now he has feelings for me but still wont move forward.*


:scratchhead:

I hope you realize he is still talking out of his a$$, 3x. If he had real feelings, the same as you do, he would move forward. And I mean, other than feelings in just his penis. 

Grr I want to scream at him for you.



ThreeStrikes said:


> I always looked at the 'first meet' as a way to determine if there was a spark. This is why it is encouraged that you meet IRL as soon as possible.
> 
> There's no such thing as a spark with texting and emails. That's just mental masturbation.


I so agree. Online/phone is not the same as in real life.

Ne9907--I am a few days late, but congrats on your new job


----------



## ne9907

Thanks Jelly

Btw, I have been talkign to this one guy i met in Tinder. We have been talkign for about a wee. Tinder is a hook up site only, that is all i want. 
But old me wants to text this guy non stop!!!!!!!!!!!!! He always texts back etc. 
Anyway, we are suppose to meet up wednesday, he lives two hours away. 

He is not very attractive ugh.. but has a nice rock solid body.


----------



## unsure78

ok I have put up a pic of dh for my friends in my album... figured i should since hes made it more than a minute with me


----------



## Jellybeans

I hope you are meeting halfway! Two hours is far! 

You are sounding great, by the way, post-ex.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Uh oh. 3X is talking about bowing out too! Isn't that always when you end up with a relationship! Lets all just give up then everyone gets laid!


I've given up besides playing on Tinder. Don't think hookups count as really "dating" though LOL

Out of the 60 some matches I have had on there, one so far seems to be a decent guy worth meeting which will probably happen this week. We'll see.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I've given up besides playing on Tinder. Don't think hookups count as really "dating" though LOL
> 
> Out of the 60 some matches I have had on there, one so far seems to be a decent guy worth meeting which will probably happen this week. We'll see.


It will happen in time VI.. as my therapist says... it will happen for you if you keep putting yourself out there


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> ok I have put up a pic of dh for my friends in my album... figured i should since hes made it more than a minute with me


Oh I like his look!  

How do you feel about him, unsure?


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh I like his look!
> 
> How do you feel about him, unsure?


Hes the real deal... there is no "I like him buuuuttt".... no qualifying with him needed...

Im too experienced in dating to place any bets yet, people change their mind so often but uh yea... we laughed and talked so much the last date my voice was literally hoarse... I like him a lot


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I hope you are meeting halfway! Two hours is far!
> 
> You are sounding great, by the way, post-ex.


Nope.
I am not driving anywhere, he is driving to me.

But believe me, i also talking to a 25 year old hottie! I would so totally drive to him, but he has also offered to meet me halfway... yet, if i get him going he would drive to me 

I am having fun!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> ok I have put up a pic of dh for my friends in my album... figured i should since hes made it more than a minute with me


Nice watch!


----------



## jpr

I think he is a good-looking guy, Unsure.

...and the fact that he is smart and funny make him super attractive to me.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

He looks like a good guy, Unsure!


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> ok I have put up a pic of dh for my friends in my album... figured i should since hes made it more than a minute with me


Oh i wanna see!! I sent you a friend request unsure, please accept!~


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmm just got a text from shrink4men hat

His plan A must not have worked out


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ok, so my guy texted back and we are meeting up tomorrow!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmm just got a text from shrink4men hat
> 
> His plan A must not have worked out


They *ALWAYS *come back! 

OMG. It's so annoying/crazy!

But am I bad for smiling with you that it didn't work out for him and the other broad? Hahahahaha.

3x--wear your sexy undies! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Oh i wanna see!! I sent you a friend request unsure, please accept!~


Give me a few ne...im on my phone now cant accept friends from my phone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn, my dating world just exploded. WTF guys??? Is it b/c I gave up? LOL

Want to setup a date with a nice guy from Tinder (he shall be named disc golf hat), want to go out with shrink4men hat again and I may have a casual thing to look forward to this weekend. 

Oh and I have a meetup group outing on Thursday.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> ok I have put up a pic of *dh* for my friends in my album... figured i should since hes made it more than a minute with me



I had to read this 3 times before I remembered his name is dudehat. I kept thinking *"WAIT -- when did she get married?!?!?!" *  

:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> I had to read this 3 times before I remembered his name is dudehat. I kept thinking *"WAIT -- when did she get married?!?!?!" *
> 
> :rofl:


sorry i know lol.. i shortened it.. cause its a small world and all..and you know why i call him that


----------



## unsure78

ok ne you are in.......


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi, the universe is funny like that. When you don't seem to give a fig, it pours. I say ENJOY! angel that is funny about you thinking that UNsure got married hahaha


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> ok ne you are in.......


Thank you!

He is very handsome! and you are so beautiful!!


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Thank you!
> 
> He is very handsome! and you are so beautiful!!


Thanks 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Vi, the universe is funny like that. When you don't seem to give a fig, it pours. I say ENJOY! angel that is funny about you thinking that UNsure got married hahaha


The universe can kiss my ass lately...lol!! 

I think I'm going to keep my "meh" attitude and continue to focus on me. If any of these guys want to meet they can ask me out all proper like


----------



## Another Planet

Yep I think I checked out at some point today. Found the car I want and now am putting a parts list together for upgrades and doing some research. Sell a truck or two and dump some equipment for funding. Setting sights now at vacationing and driving the country with the kids this summer :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Well she looks good on paper, the best actually. And we got along very well when we converse. Fit every single one of my criteria. But alas there honestly was no spark for me anyway and obviously for her.
> Maybe there would have been more if we were to meet in person but at the moment I do not see that happening. I am not going to ask her out again unless for some odd reason it seems fitting.
> 
> 
> 
> No she means her GF was bring her BF, it's just a smarmy attitude that the city girls have around here. Try to belittle there SO's to elevate themselves.
> 
> 
> 
> Agreed




This all is just right thing but it still feels flat , l dunno how that works but it just seems to happen sometimes.
Nothing to lose meeting anyway l guess just encase but in my experience flat doesn't change , it's weird. They could be perfect just like you say but it's just flat.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn, my dating world just exploded. WTF guys??? Is it b/c I gave up? LOL


Totally because you gave up! 

I remember a night last February when I swore that I was going on my LAST Match date. My subscription was about to expire, I just wasn't feeling it, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc......

Drinks turned into dinner turned into a nightcap turned into closing the bar, turned into etc. etc. etc. 

AND....we just celebrated a year of dating.

I guess you never know how things will work out! Especially when you least expect it.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> This is just me, but I would just ''dump'' them. First, both are too far away to be meaningful (I am a 40 min gal) and second, there will always be other ones should T fizzle.
> 
> Anyway, imo, you can't just keep someone on the back burner as a just in case. It doesn't seem right.



Thanks Fen . Yeah really your right.
40mins is nice doable isn't it. 7hrs is too much isn't it unless someone can move but it doesn't sound like either of us could anyway.

Got myself in a bit of a jamb with the 2hr one, she loves fossicking antiques and stuff. So my place has an old shed full of all these old bottles, like 70-100yr old bottles . So she's really exited and she's coming down to look through it all.
Trouble is , T and l have gone right off since.

Only " l " could get myself into that one :rofl:
Spose l should cancel her coming down yeah , just for now ?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Just a girl from early on in my Match experience. Lives like an hour away, she is a sweet girl just not happening...lol the stuff her and I have talked about makes me smile though. See I actually have more of a spark with her then bleacher.



Bleachers definitely just too flat then if you ask me . Hey why not meet stalker - what's the worst that could happen :rofl:
Then again , aggressive's just really uncomfortable isn't it.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Bleachers definitely just too flat then if you ask me . Hey why not meet stalker - what's the worst that could happen :rofl:
> Then again , aggressive's just really uncomfortable isn't it.


Keep reading you will get there lol


----------



## bravenewworld

Feeling some major solidarity reading everyone's dating trials & tribulations - and successes too! ::raises fist:: Power to the people!!! (singles of TAM people specifically) :toast:

So after sleeping with Swedish Chef I got two "hey how's it hanging?" texts the day after but he didn't ask me out for Tuesday as we had talked about pre-sex. 

The past two days have been total radio silence. Pre-sex we texted a couple of times every day. What ticks me off is before we had sex we said we both liked each other and would like to date but not be monogamous, so him pulling the "Houdini disappearing act" after sex makes me feel quite mislead. He specifically said he wasn't looking for a one night stand. It appears otherwise. 

I don't understand grown ass adults who can't be direct and mindful of other people's feelings. There's no need to pretend you want to take me out on all these dates or have me come eat in your restaurant if you don't. Just be honest. It's less hurtful.

He said I'm the first new person he's slept with in 5 years so maybe he had a freak out. I think he just wanted sex and is too immature to be direct. If I don't hear from him soon or he tries to text me way down the road I'm going to tell him I don't appreciate his behavior and don't care to see him again. No use crying over spilled milk or trying to slurp it back up! 

Feeling a bit bummed to know I probably got played. So happy I'm going on vacation in a few days! Perfect palate cleanser and reboot!


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Feeling some major solidarity reading everyone's dating trials & tribulations - and successes too! ::raises fist:: Power to the people!!! (singles of TAM people specifically) :toast:
> 
> So after sleeping with Swedish Chef I got two "hey how's it hanging?" texts the day after but he didn't ask me out for Tuesday as we had talked about pre-sex.
> 
> The past two days have been total radio silence. Pre-sex we texted a couple of times every day. What ticks me off is before we had sex we said we both liked each other and would like to date but not be monogamous, so him pulling the "Houdini disappearing act" after sex makes me feel quite mislead. He specifically said he wasn't looking for a one night stand. It appears otherwise.
> 
> I don't understand grown ass adults who can't be direct and mindful of other people's feelings. There's no need to pretend you want to take me out on all these dates or have me come eat in your restaurant if you don't. Just be honest. It's less hurtful.
> 
> He said I'm the first new person he's slept with in 5 years so maybe he had a freak out. I think he just wanted sex and is too immature to be direct. If I don't hear from him soon or he tries to text me way down the road I'm going to tell him I don't appreciate his behavior and don't care to see him again. No use crying over spilled milk or trying to slurp it back up!
> 
> Feeling a bit bummed to know I probably got played. So happy I'm going on vacation in a few days! Perfect palate cleanser and reboot!


Sorry to hear that. Give him a chance though maybe his mom died or something like that. If nothing happened then he is a jerk.


----------



## unsure78

bravenewworld said:


> Feeling some major solidarity reading everyone's dating trials & tribulations - and successes too! ::raises fist:: Power to the people!!! (singles of TAM people specifically) :toast:
> 
> So after sleeping with Swedish Chef I got two "hey how's it hanging?" texts the day after but he didn't ask me out for Tuesday as we had talked about pre-sex.
> 
> The past two days have been total radio silence. Pre-sex we texted a couple of times every day. What ticks me off is before we had sex we said we both liked each other and would like to date but not be monogamous, so him pulling the "Houdini disappearing act" after sex makes me feel quite mislead. He specifically said he wasn't looking for a one night stand. It appears otherwise.
> 
> I don't understand grown ass adults who can't be direct and mindful of other people's feelings. There's no need to pretend you want to take me out on all these dates or have me come eat in your restaurant if you don't. Just be honest. It's less hurtful.
> 
> He said I'm the first new person he's slept with in 5 years so maybe he had a freak out. I think he just wanted sex and is too immature to be direct. If I don't hear from him soon or he tries to text me way down the road I'm going to tell him I don't appreciate his behavior and don't care to see him again. No use crying over spilled milk or trying to slurp it back up!
> 
> Feeling a bit bummed to know I probably got played. So happy I'm going on vacation in a few days! Perfect palate cleanser and reboot!


Sorry brave... thats the worst... I have had it happen to me too... or at least drop off real quick... hugs...booooooooo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Sorry to hear that. Give him a chance though maybe his mom died or something like that. If nothing happened then he is a jerk.


I was thinking about that - there's no way to know but the timing is suspicious. If he reaches out in the next few days with a reasonable explanation I'm open.

If not, no point wasting my time seeing or keeping in touch with him. I've dated a few guys where things ended perhaps less than ideally but honestly I've never felt totally mislead before. Welcome to the wonderful world of dating! :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Sorry to hear that. Give him a chance though maybe his mom died or something like that. If nothing happened then he is a jerk.


Another one thing I have learned after divorce is that people dont deserve second chances unless they have earned a place already in my life... one of my mistakes in the past was people used my niceness without reciprocating. .. actions not words... hes shown her already what she needs to know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Ugh, Brave! I can so damn relate. Wth is wrong with people? Just say how you feel (or don't feel) and stop jerking people around! I will never understand especially when its after several dates where they are saying/exhibiting they are into you. FML. It's rude and your time is just as important as his. Sounds like he just wanted to get his stones off. And on that note, Social Media Guy just texted me asking how things are going with me. Doh.


----------



## bravenewworld

unsure78 said:


> Sorry brave... thats the worst... I have had it happen to me too... or at least drop off real quick... hugs...booooooooo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


((hugs)) Thanks unsure! It definitely stings. I know I'll be fine but new experiences like these always throw me for a loop. I thought he was such a gentleman. Also, I thought most people 30+ in age didn't pull this kind of behavior. #naive


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> . I thought he was such a gentleman. Also, I thought most people 30+ in age didn't pull this kind of behavior. #naive


Heh. Same thing happened to me with a man in his late 40s. I'm in my early thirties. I thought older men were more mature... I wanted to cry. Lol


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh, Brave! I can so damn relate. *Wth is wrong with people? Just say how you feel (or don't feel) and stop jerking people around! I will never understand especially when its after several dates where they are saying/exhibiting they are into you. FML. It's rude and your time is just as important as his. *Sounds like he just wanted to get his stones off. And on that note, Social Media Guy just texted me asking how things are going with me. Doh.


Exactly! I'm sorry but when you get your car detailed just to pick me up, buy me flowers, take me to my favorite restaurant, and *specifically say you aren't into one night stands*, I'm probably going to think you actually like me and want to date! Crazy right??

I feel like telling him I don't date people without integrity - casually or otherwise. But honestly I don't even feel like telling him off. Not worth my time. Lord help him though if he texts me a month from now.... 

:FIREdevil:


----------



## Jellybeans

Hahaha. Well if he does text a month from now the good thing is you will probably be less emotional in your response to him. Haha. Another thing is that because I am so upfront with people about how I feel/don't feel, it annoys me when folks pull a Houdini because I can't relate to it and its not somey j ing id ever do to someone. I find it totally disrespectful. Just say how you feel! Sheesh!


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn, my dating world just exploded. WTF guys??? Is it b/c I gave up? LOL
> 
> Want to setup a date with a nice guy from Tinder (he shall be named disc golf hat), want to go out with shrink4men hat again and I may have a casual thing to look forward to this weekend.
> 
> Oh and I have a meetup group outing on Thursday.



Yep l reckon that's exactly why.
A mth ago l just joined my new site just out of shear boredom and depressed. All l wanted was some company .

Before that on the last one l spent hrs on my page , got the [email protected] kicked outa me and couldn't attract a fkg fly. when l was really hoping to meet a new gf.

So on this one l was feeling like l couldn't care less and l thought to hell with it. l'll just scribble up a few lines , took about 3minutes , let it float around out there in net world, l'd just like someone to just talk too .
l couldn't even be fkd thinking of a user name so l just tried the first thing that come to my head and you know what . About 10 people have written to me just to tell me they love my user name :rofl:
And my phone actually has a list of new numbers , then there's T :scratchhead:
Go figure !


----------



## bravenewworld

unsure78 said:


> Another one thing I have learned after divorce is that *people dont deserve second chances unless they have earned a place already in my life... one of my mistakes in the past was people used my niceness without reciprocating. .. actions not words... hes shown her already what she needs to know*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In my gut I know this to be true. I get if he wanted to let a little time pass just to emphasis that he doesn't want to get super serious - BUT I really don't like the fact he never asked me out for Tues/Wed as he mentioned he would do. Plus he knows I am leaving in a few days for a trip and he won't be seeing me for 2+ weeks anyway. It's not like we weren't going to have some "space." 

Overall, not cool on his part. At all.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bravenewworld said:


> Exactly! I'm sorry but when you get your car detailed just to pick me up, buy me flowers, take me to my favorite restaurant, and *specifically say you aren't into one night stands*, I'm probably going to think you actually like me and want to date! Crazy right??
> 
> I feel like telling him I don't date people without integrity - casually or otherwise. But honestly I don't even feel like telling him off. Not worth my time. Lord help him though if he texts me a month from now....
> 
> :FIREdevil:


If he takes that long just say: "Swedish Who?"


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Thanks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Who's beautiful , unsure ? :scratchhead:
l'm still trying to find a pic - think you locked me out, then again l'd lock me out too :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another one thing I have learned after divorce is that people dont deserve second chances unless they have earned a place already in my life... one of my mistakes in the past was people used my niceness without reciprocating. .. actions not words... hes shown her already what she needs to know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dang that's hard core but I understand...well for her sake I hope he has a good excuse but now that I think twice a couple flaky texts the next day then nothing, that isn't a good sign.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Yep I think I checked out at some point today. Found the car I want and now am putting a parts list together for upgrades and doing some research. Sell a truck or two and dump some equipment for funding. Setting sights now at vacationing and driving the country with the kids this summer :smthumbup:



Nice one AP .:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Who's beautiful , unsure ? :scratchhead:
> l'm still trying to find a pic - think you locked me out, then again l'd lock me out too :rofl:


LOL well I will assure you she is very pretty!


----------



## Another Planet

All this tough talk and I just get a text from bleacher and it makes me smile....dammit!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> LOL well I will assure you she is very pretty!


Gosh im not a hater... I will friend you when I get to work tomorrow
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> All this tough talk and I just get a text from bleacher and it makes me smile....dammit!


I just realized Bleacher is like my slow hat or jellys grandpa, Another.... wow yea she is wasting your time sweetheart
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> I was thinking about that - there's no way to know but the timing is suspicious. If he reaches out in the next few days with a reasonable explanation I'm open.
> 
> If not, no point wasting my time seeing or keeping in touch with him. I've dated a few guys where things ended perhaps less than ideally but honestly I've never felt totally mislead before. Welcome to the wonderful world of dating! :rofl:


l go with open mind for a little while first.
Because if he hasn't had anyone in 5yrs then he's not a player but he could be freaking out. Maybe not but , this [email protected] tricky.


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> l go with open mind for a little while first.
> Because if he hasn't had anyone in 5yrs then he's not a player but he could be freaking out. Maybe not but , this [email protected] tricky.


Question - He's been single for 5 months, but I was his first date/kiss/sexual experience post breakup. According to him - prior to me he was in a faithful relationship for over 5 years. I tend to believe him because he seemed a bit more nervous than I would have expected when we started fooling around. 

Do you think that has an impact on this situation? Am I not being very understanding? I know men have feelings too - I just assumed he sorted them out before putting himself out there.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bravenewworld said:


> Question - He's been single for 5 months, but I was his first date/kiss/sexual experience post breakup. According to him - prior to me he was in a faithful relationship for over 5 years. I tend to believe him because he seemed a bit more nervous than I would have expected when we started fooling around.
> 
> Do you think that has an impact on this situation? Am I not being very understanding? I know men have feelings too - I just assumed he sorted them out before putting himself out there.


I did the same thing to a few guys...I thought I was ready and I wasn't. When things went physical I freaked out. Big time. 

Could be something similar.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Gosh im not a hater... I will friend you when I get to work tomorrow
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Haha that's funny . No ya not unsure we're already friended , l'm only messin round and ps , love the butt :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

:iagree: with Vi. When was the last time he was with his exwife? See it has been 2yrs now for me even though my divorce was just a couple months ago so I am pretty well detached... I think anyway. Plus I have already had a GF and stuff.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Question - He's been single for 5 months, but I was his first date/kiss/sexual experience post breakup. According to him - prior to me he was in a faithful relationship for over 5 years. I tend to believe him because he seemed a bit more nervous than I would have expected when we started fooling around.
> 
> Do you think that has an impact on this situation? Am I not being very understanding? I know men have feelings too - I just assumed he sorted them out before putting himself out there.



Oh [email protected] , that's big ! . We could put it this way then l reckon. It's sorta hard to tell how he feels about you two as such but one thing's forsure , he's freaking out, he'll be everywhere , like blowing gaskets !
l'd be really careful though because 5mths , that's not long and he's not going to have a clue which ends up .


----------



## vi_bride04

Date scheduled for Saturday with disc golf hat. Going to see a band at a bar in one of the cities I love to hang out in. Gonna be alot of fun, that city has some great karaoke bars as well as a dance place and a couple great places to get craft beer. The best thing is, I don't have to drive down there!!!! Or pick anyone up. Or pay for things. 

I think this is my first "real" date.


----------



## jpr

Awesome, VI! I can't wait to hear how thing go for you.

It is Spring (almost). I think everything and everyone comes to life in SpringTime.


----------



## Nsweet

God I am so sick of the "women don't want nice guys" argument from stupid guys. Yes they do, they just don't want you and they probably have more than enough reasons to want to leave. No woman out there gets out of relationship or cheats because her ex was too respectful, attentive, and "nice". 

And the other side of the argument "women only like jerks". Maybe they do, and maybe they don't like men who suck up to them and try to earn brownie points in the hopes of cashing them in for sex.... Which happens a lot in codependent marriages. And maybe the women who like jerks, are jerks themselves. 

I know I said this before but it's true... "Once you spend enough time around women to get sick of them, you get any one you want." You'll stop caring about trying to impress anyone for long enough to just be yourself, which with most people is usually kindness behind normal boundaries. You won't be one of these misogynist d!cks who hates all women and thinks it's because he's a super special nice guy. No, those guys aren't nice, they oblivious about how selfish they really are.


----------



## Another Planet

Woah! Where'd that come from Nsweet?


----------



## jpr

It is 11:00 pm. I am watching my bf glue a model rocket together for my 3 year old son. ...I told him to go to bed. But my bf says "No. I want to make sure that this rocket it put together by the time that JPR Jr. gets back from his dad's tomorrow". 

Awwwwww.

Nice guys and attentive guys are so, so so soo soooooooooooo irresistible. And I appreciate him so much!


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> It is 11:00 pm. I am watching my bf glue a model rocket together for my 3 year old son. ...I told him to go to bed. But my bf says "No. I want to make sure that this rocket it put together by the time that JPR Jr. gets back from his dad's tomorrow".
> 
> Awwwwww.
> 
> Nice guys and attentive guys are so, so so soo soooooooooooo irresistible. And I appreciate him so much!


THAT pretty much says what Nsweet says there in spades, for how I read it anyway. Be nice but be strong where you should be and don't be a **** but don't be a pushover. 
I never adhered to NMMNG
Maybe I am wrong and I am who mister there is talking about?


----------



## jpr

I think, NSweet, that after a while you are right. Most people do realize what is important in life.

My bf was engaged for 5 years...his ex fiance cheated on him with their landlord. He was talking to me this weekend about her--telling me that she was superficial. She is sooooo beautiful. Really. So hot and cute and perfect looking. But, he was saying that he got so tired of waiting for her to get ready...watching her take a gazillion selfies of herself...watching her look in every mirror that they passed by...footing the bill for her designer clothes and handbags. After a while, that stuff got old.

Tonight, we spent 3 hours at a pub...eating burgers, drinking beer, and arguing about baseball. (He is a CUBS fan. ...ugh. ). But, it was wonderful...and awesome...and real. 

I know that I am not the more attractive person around. I don't have the hottest body...or the best hair. But, I know how to love and I know what matters. And finding someone else who is aware of that stuff is ...well...it is just awesome. 

I am pretty lucky.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Woah! Where'd that come from Nsweet?


Something from another forum. I've been waiting to say something like that, I just didn't want to debate it with stupid guys. 

Jpr, you're right. I was saying that true attentive and good men are what women want. Same goes for men, we like food women too.


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> Date scheduled for Saturday with disc golf hat. Going to see a band at a bar in one of the cities I love to hang out in. Gonna be alot of fun, that city has some great karaoke bars as well as a dance place and a couple great places to get craft beer. The best thing is, I don't have to drive down there!!!! Or pick anyone up. Or pay for things.
> 
> I think this is my first "real" date.


You had me at "craft beer." 

Sounds like a great date! You deserve being picked up and courted like a lady! Enjoy!!


----------



## jpr

I think that NMMNG philosophy b.s. for for guys who don't know how to pick quality women.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> *God I am so sick of the "women don't want nice guys" argument from stupid guys.* Yes they do, they just don't want you and they probably have more than enough reasons to want to leave. No woman out there gets out of relationship or cheats because her ex was too respectful, attentive, and "nice".
> 
> I know I said this before but it's true... "Once you spend enough time around women to get sick of them, you get any one you want." You'll stop caring about trying to impress anyone for long enough to just be yourself, which with most people is usually kindness behind normal boundaries. *You won't be one of these misogynist d!cks who hates all women and thinks it's because he's a super special nice guy. No, those guys aren't nice, they oblivious about how selfish they really are.*


Um if I could high five you right now I would. Every self described "nice guy" is usually the biggest tool on the planet. My favorite is when they are a 4-6 on the looks scale and slightly overweight yet will only hit on super young hotties with firm bodies. But they are such nice guys, they "deserve" a girl like her. 

Also had the pleasure of going out with a guy once who described himself as a "feminist" and talked about how much he hated gross misogynistic men. He blathered on about all of this while I was standing, without offering me his chair. He then proceeded to tear apart the looks of a few women seated around us underneath his breath.


----------



## Another Planet

Maybe that is just what makes a decent relationship, attention to the needs of the other? Hmmm seems such an easy thing to say but I guess it's a hard thing to do. I don't know...just gonna do my thang


----------



## bravenewworld

jpr said:


> I know that I am not the more attractive person around. I don't have the hottest body...or the best hair. But, I know how to love and I know what matters. And finding someone else who is aware of that stuff is ...well...it is just awesome.
> 
> I am pretty lucky.


I dunno jpr - I think a lot of being considered attractive is your attitude and how you carry yourself. I'm sure a lot of guys find you more attractive than a size 2 with hair extensions down to her waist.


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> :iagree: with Vi. When was the last time he was with his exwife? See it has been 2yrs now for me even though my divorce was just a couple months ago so I am pretty well detached... I think anyway. Plus I have already had a GF and stuff.


Kind of a weird situation - they were high school sweethearts who broke up their first year or two in college then got back together and married. Overall they had probably been together probably 8+ years?

Right when we started fooling around he pulled back and said in a very concerned voice "I haven't been with another woman in 7 years." Kind of felt like he didn't want me to be disappointed? I told him it was "like riding a bike" and we both laughed and everything was ok. We had a good time (or so I thought.)

At the end he told me he was glad his first post divorce experience was with me because I was a really nice and good person. :scratchhead:

Now that I see the situation and him for what it is, I think I just need to forgive him and let it go. No reason to dwell or try to "fix" something this new. 

Vacation - here I come!


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Kind of a weird situation - they were high school sweethearts who broke up their first year or two in college then got back together and married. Overall they had probably been together probably 8+ years?
> 
> Right when we started fooling around he pulled back and said in a very concerned voice "I haven't been with another woman in 7 years." Kind of felt like he didn't want me to be disappointed? I told him it was "like riding a bike" and we both laughed and everything was ok. We had a good time (or so I thought.)
> 
> At the end he told me he was glad his first post divorce experience was with me because I was a really nice and good person. :scratchhead:
> 
> Now that I see the situation and him for what it is, I think I just need to forgive him and let it go. No reason to dwell or try to "fix" something this new.
> 
> Vacation - here I come!


Yeah give him some space, it sounds like he isn't ready. It has nothing to do with you but more him. IMO. Who knows something may come of it in the future, go on being your awesome self


----------



## Nsweet

bravenewworld said:


> Um if I could high five you right now I would. Every self described "nice guy" is usually the biggest tool on the planet. My favorite is when they are a 4-6 on the looks scale and slightly overweight yet will only hit on super young hotties with firm bodies. But they are such nice guys, they "deserve" a girl like her.
> 
> Also had the pleasure of going out with a guy once who described himself as a "feminist" and talked about how much he hated gross misogynistic men. He blathered on about all of this while I was standing, without offering me his chair. He then proceeded to tear apart the looks of a few women seated around us underneath his breath.


High five: ACCEPTED

So basically... If I'm reading your story right.... You dated a very b!tchy woman!:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

On a side note.....I lasted a whole half a day.....you guys are going to chastise me.....


----------



## vi_bride04

....my gf had to schedule her bfs haircut for him....I watched the entire interaction....then later he couldn't turn on her tv cuz he didn't know how....??? Wanted her to do it for him. They have been dating 6 months.

I decided I want a guy who is able to take care of himself. I didn't have kids for a reason...LOL


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> ....my gf had to schedule her bfs haircut for him....I watched the entire interaction....then later he couldn't turn on her tv cuz he didn't know how....??? Wanted her to do it for him. They have been dating 6 months.
> 
> I decided I want a guy who is able to take care of himself. I didn't have kids for a reason...LOL


Are you ***in serious?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
I would kick ***** boy to the curb if I was her! Aint nobody got time for that!


----------



## Another Planet

Coffee date with a new girl for Friday looking like...no idea how that happened but it did...
5-6 back and fourths with a local girl on Match and I just asked if she wanted to go out for coffee. Done deal.
Talked to bleacher tonight and was bored, just nothing there :/


----------



## moxy

Brave, give it some time. If he's not been with anyone in a long time, then he's probably not as communicative, in general. Besides, you can always keep your eye out for other opportunities, too, right?


----------



## moxy

So, tonight, I had decided to relax for the evening. I started out that way, but then worked for 4 hours and lost track of time. It seems that today, I'm motivated by things other than lust and longing. Oh, well; it felt good.


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> It is 11:00 pm. I am watching my bf glue a model rocket together for my 3 year old son. ...I told him to go to bed. But my bf says "No. I want to make sure that this rocket it put together by the time that JPR Jr. gets back from his dad's tomorrow".
> 
> Awwwwww.
> 
> Nice guys and attentive guys are so, so so soo soooooooooooo irresistible. And I appreciate him so much!



Yeah , this ns :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> On a side note.....I lasted a whole half a day.....you guys are going to chastise me.....




Haha , like we believed ya anyway . Your fence sittings lucky to last that long :rofl:
ps , only stirring l'm on and of the fence like one of those little fidgety birds myself too , gotta laugh !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Hey ns , if that's you in that pic , l think you'll be pretty safe to do whatever you damn well please anyway man :rofl


Why does everyone keep assuming the guy in my avatar is me? I am no where near that scrawny and Italian looking. 

In case you haven't heard, I started using shirtless and naked guys as my avatar because a certain someone who is no longer here was calling me gay. I took the laughter away from that member and ended up embracing the gay naked guy joke. Ever since it just kinda stuck, and my closest friends on here get a laugh out of it. 

The only person that I've seen that really looks like their avatar is DollyStanford. In her pics, if she ever puts them up, she looks like a combination of her avatar and Janeane Garofalo.


----------



## moxy

NSweet, your avatar is scrawny? I wouldn't have used that word. I have not seen you, but you must be an intimidating dude.

Interesting to hear the story of the reclaimed avatar pics, though!


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> NSweet, your avatar is scrawny? I wouldn't have used that word. I have not seen you, but you must be an intimidating dude.
> 
> Interesting to hear the story of the reclaimed avatar pics, though!


The guy looks like he's anywhere from 5' 10" to 6' and 160-170lbs. Mostly Ectomorph from the bone structure, maybe some Mesomorph in there, and just all beach muscles. No real neck, traps, shoulders, back, or legs... and I could tell because if he squatted worth a damn you would see certain muscles just get really thick. 

Big dudes who lift for strength get rounded shoulders, lats that show from the front and make them look wider, a strong abdominal wall (which he has with the Obliques), and big forearms. You just can't lift heavy weights and not have certain muscles not grow... Forearms for one. 

This guy is all beach and no brawn. I can tell from the pose he's stepping forward, turning just slightly to one side to catch that shadow, and pushing his shoulders forwards while squeezing his chest and abs to look bigger. It's an old modeling trick the little guys use to look stronger in shirtless pics.

Yeah I speak bodybuilder.:smthumbup: Although I don't flow with that lifestyle anymore.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Why does everyone keep assuming the guy in my avatar is me? I am no where near that scrawny and Italian looking.
> 
> In case you haven't heard, I started using shirtless and naked guys as my avatar because a certain someone who is no longer here was calling me gay. I took the laughter away from that member and ended up embracing the gay naked guy joke. Ever since it just kinda stuck, and my closest friends on here get a laugh out of it.
> 
> The only person that I've seen that really looks like their avatar is DollyStanford. In her pics, if she ever puts them up, she looks like a combination of her avatar and Janeane Garofalo.




Haha , nice one . l thought you'd be too smart to use a pic like that.
Hey l zapped that reply anyway ,l just didn't get right what l wanted to say but. Might try again another day or not .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> NSweet, your avatar is scrawny? I wouldn't have used that word. I have not seen you, but you must be an intimidating dude.
> 
> Interesting to hear the story of the reclaimed avatar pics, though!




Yeah l've often wondered about ns's av too . Shoulda known there was a twist :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Brave -- it could be that you are the rebound. I know, that sucks. But if he was with his ex for 8+ yrs, and only went on a date with you five months after the end of that (is my timeline right?) then he could still be getting over that. 8+ yrs is a long time to be with someone. 

Mr. Ex Jelly and I were together for about the same-ish timeframe and I remember the first time I made out with a guy after him; it felt so weird. The guy was super into me and sweet as can be but it felt like an out of body experience. I was nowhere near ready to be doing that with someone and told him I could not date him. Maybe something similar happened here. Still I think he should be upfront with you. Nothing worse than telling someone you will call them/be in touch, and flaking. That is seriously one of my biggest pet peeves.

Nsweet, you are so right about the kindness with boundaries thing. I think a lot of that "nice guy" stuff isn't really about nice men, it's about men who are doormats. And really, people should have boundaries and not be doormats, men and women alike.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think there is a big difference between the nice guy who is a doormat and probably PA (as nsweet described - thinking he's SO NICE someone is supposed to just pick up on that vibe and give him his due) vs. an honest to goodness good guy with healthy boundaries who doesn't have to raise his voice to get his point across, who still does kind, protective things toward his lady and pitches in around the house.

I was married to the Super Alpha and it was NO fun. Maybe that's why that type turns me off. 

Side note - I have been dreaming about sex every night. WTF? Holding off on jumping back into dating for now, tho. I am about to start several major home improvement projects and that is going to take up most of my free time. So unless I start going out with the guy in lumber or bath at Lowe's, it ain't gonna happen.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Side note - I have been dreaming about sex every night. WTF?


Welcome to my world. Sexual thoughts consume half of my day. Fcccck.

Hey, whatever happened to the friend guy of yours who wasn't into kissing?


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> *Welcome to my world.* Sexual thoughts consume half of my day. Fcccck.


Dammit, I wanted to say that!:rofl:

There is something about really good sex you could go for years without and never really get over. It's like an heroin addiction that leaves you with a new friend and dirty sheets. Ok, it's exactly like a heroin addiction.:rofl:

21 months now.


----------



## Another Planet

Lol nsweets avatar makes me giggle. To me it was very apparent that was not him. To think he is not a dude or gay is just silly to me. 
Now what I don't get is why you are staying abstinent? Are you just really working on yourself or using yourself as a text subject in some elaborate psychologoical test of the human race? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Or maybe you are a masochist and directing your punishing onto yourself by not giving into your desires? That ones not a joke...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, not even. It was good advice taken from my MC from DivorceBusters, and then I realized I needed to get my life together first and foremost. Although, it's taken me longer than I had hoped to get this far.

Believe me, I would be all over dating if I had a job and my own place right now. You don't want to go out there dead broke and find a girlfriend only to have a couple weeks of really great sex, and then become her fixer-upper and special project for the next 6 months. I don't want to be a dead beat!

Just you wait for my stories AP. I got this magic with the ladies where I see more than they can tell me about themselves, and I can make them feel really good after even the worst day. It's part psychology, mostly natural, no real game playing involved.... It's like a conditioned response to redirect negative thoughts through various means, and then of course get them thinking about something positive.


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Haha that's funny . No ya not unsure we're already friended , l'm only messin round and ps , love the butt :rofl:


your are so full of [email protected] whitehawk... i totally dont have a pic of my a$$ in my pics... i accepted your request...


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Or maybe you are a masochist and directing your punishing onto yourself by not giving into your desires? That ones not a joke...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I was a masochist, someone who gets pleasure out of self inflicted pain... Someone who identifies with being the victim and the control one has over hurting themselves..... If I was like that I would be somewhere on TAM still whining about the my horrible ex wife.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> your are so full of [email protected] whitehawk... i totally dont have a pic of my a$$ in my pics... i accepted your request...


Bwahahahaha :lol::rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> The only person that I've seen that really looks like their avatar is DollyStanford. In her pics, if she ever puts them up, she looks like a combination of her avatar and Janeane Garofalo.


That's not true?! I kind of look like my avatar!


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> That's not true?! I kind of look like my avatar!


No you don't. Your avatar off to the left of every post, not your profile pic, looks like the image the famous hacker group ANONYMOUS uses.

Did you see what I meant about Dolly? She looks a lot like Janeane Garofalo, only with a better body and her eyes are grey and not brown.


----------



## Dollystanford

Do I?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Do I?


From what I could tell.


----------



## Dollystanford

Isn't she short and butch or am I thinking of someone else


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> Do I?


No!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Isn't she short and butch or am I thinking of someone else


Ohh, had to look her up. 

YIKES! 

I was pictured her from about about 10 years ago before she got all tattoo'd and strong looking. Apparently she's a little on the short side and straight.... probably been doing some partying too.


----------



## Dollystanford

ok yeah, I just googled her too and was like 'hell no!!'
honestly Nsweet you know how to make a girl feel good


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> No you don't. Your avatar off to the left of every post, not your profile pic, looks like the image the famous hacker group ANONYMOUS uses.
> 
> Did you see what I meant about Dolly? She looks a lot like Janeane Garofalo, only with a better body and her eyes are grey and not brown.


Lol I know! And it is Slenderman, you don't think I look like him at all? 
Although my profile pic is the Cheshire cat and I do a lot of that smiling for sure so could be me to.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> There is something about really good sex you could go for years without and never really get over. It's like an heroin addiction that leaves you with a new friend and dirty sheets. Ok, it's exactly like a heroin addiction.:rofl:


Oh HELL yes. That's why they call it d!ckmatization. 

I had a lover once that I keep remembering fondly. We did it so many times, everywhere. In bed, on my head, on a couch, on a shelf, in the night, with the light...lol 

Green eggs and ham for sex!



Another Planet said:


> Now what I don't get is why you are staying abstinent? Are you just really working on yourself *or using yourself as a text subject in some elaborate psychologoical test of the human race? Lol*


:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know I think Nsweet nailed it pretty good


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> ok yeah, I just googled her too and was like 'hell no!!'
> honestly Nsweet you know how to make a girl feel good


Oh Dolly, you're just so sour lately. 

Did I do something to piss you? Seriously, you weren't like this last year. Did something happen?


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm not sour! I'm taking the piss out of you - do you really think I'm offended?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> Welcome to my world. Sexual thoughts consume half of my day. Fcccck.
> 
> Hey, whatever happened to the friend guy of yours who wasn't into kissing?


We were at an impasse. He said "I don't have to date you to know you - we've been friends too long - you know what I'm thinking to the point it's scary so I know I could live with you, it's just that I don't want to do the weekend only thing, and I don't want to live in the [suburbs], I like my place int he country but I know [kiddo] has 3 more years of high school and I don't want to ask you both to move. Plus I'm going to take the next [promotion/opening] that I'm offered with [company] and that could be anywhere." So I didn't even bring up the kissing.

(And he's thinking about Florida, oddly enough. I told him about my opportunity in FL that is there when I want it. But not yet - I won't uproot kiddo.)

Personally, I'm FINE doing the weekend thing for the next 3 years til kiddo is out of high school and we aren't as geographically challenged. I'd rather see how compatible we are sexually by doing the weekend thing vs. merging households but he doesn't want a sexual relationship UNLESS he is living with someone. I told him we were looking for two different things and since he couldn't do that, I couldn't put my life on hold for 3 years so I needed some away time for perspective. 

He didn't really respond to that - he just disappeared. No calls/text/emails... he usually would email or IM via FB. I got one email that was a forward of the top 20 most beautiful places and I replied that I liked the Finland photo. He forwards jokes and photos to me often but that was the last one and he didn't reply to my comment... not that it was necessary. 

That's why I'm kind of taking a sabbatical from dating and focusing on me (losing some weight) and my house. I'm remodeling my bathroom - new shower, new garden tub, tile work, etc. and adding built-in bookcases on either side of the fireplace. I'm hiring a plumber but doing the rest myself. DIY stuff gets me excited, focused, energetic... 'cause I'm a dork.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I'm not sour! I'm taking the piss out of you - do you really think I'm offended?


Honestly, you are so British it's hard to tell. With your wording I don't know when you're being snarky or angry. 

Help me out a little. Use some of your colloquial sayings or call me a "twit" or whatever, because your posts real like a very angry woman's texts to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Enjoli, isn't it weird how one person's wants are so different from another's? Enjoli, I am like you: the "weekend relationship" sounds perfectly ideal to me. I don't have time for much else.

Hmm it's prob best you guys part ways. He seems to want different things and ya never know, maybe you will both end up in Florida one day... and actually have sex. Hahaha. 

Bookcases alongside the fireplace sounds like a dream! :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

Sorry dear, would you like me to include smiley faces so you can get the gist?


----------



## Nsweet

You ladies are going to like this one.:smthumbup:

Beautiful South - Don't Marry Her (Uncensored) - YouTube


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Sorry dear, would you like me to include smiley faces so you can get the gist?


Yes, thank you! That would help so much:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

They need a Don't Marry Him, Girl one.


----------



## Jellybeans

Is anyone else's TAM acting like an a$$hole? Mine keeps freezing up on me. GRR.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I don't know I think Nsweet nailed it pretty good


You and Nsweet are on the same meds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> Oh Dolly, you're just so sour lately.
> 
> Did I do something to piss you? Seriously, you weren't like this last year. Did something happen?


If someone said I looked like JG I'd b pissed too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> You and Nsweet are on the same meds.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really?! You don't think so at all? IMO almost a spitting image.
Maybe this is just another one of those situations of perspective I guess. 
Nonetheless both ladies a very pretty.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> If someone said I looked like JG I'd b pissed too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OOOOOHHHHHH you don't think Janeane G is pretty, I get it now. Well I think she is gorgeous. My kind of looks


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Really?! You don't think so at all? IMO almost a spitting image.
> Maybe this is just another one of those situations of perspective I guess.
> Nonetheless both ladies a very pretty.


Dolly is hot. JG is not. JG has a butter face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> They need a Don't Marry Him, Girl one.


You mean a country song? 

Just making things up..... Like a "Don't say I do, do me" or a blueseyer version of something like "Devil done did you (right)". 

Ohh maybe girl version but using some of those nasty double entendres like singers did in the 30s and 40s. Butter My Biscuits would be an actual example.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Really?! You don't think so at all? IMO almost a spitting image.
> Maybe this is just another one of those situations of perspective I guess.
> Nonetheless both ladies a very pretty.


No, its not.

I've seen lots of pics of Dolly and she is *so much hotter* and has way better eyes and hair and...well better everything than JG!


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Dolly is hot. JG is not. JG has a butter face.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: 

Dolly just has those eyes that can pierce through anything...even adamantium :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

I concede, you guys can argue over nothing 
I said both ladies are very pretty and we can agree to disagree but I do agree with Nsweet.

Why do you guys do this? Here to clear the air and this is the absolute truth to me.
Dolly I think you are hot I also think Janeane G is hot and I think you two look similar in some ways.


----------



## Nsweet

Don't sweat it AP. Women never take the compliment of "You look like this celebrity....." the right way. They're competitive that they pick that woman's looks apart and tell you how much better they look themselves. 

You mean you don't want people mistaking you for this wealthy famous person that has all these connections in Hollywood? Ok then, hey nobody.... Listen to this generic compliment about how you look good today.

Men don't see it that way. To us it's an act of endearment and we don't spend enough time looking at women's faces and trying to find faults to see anything as ugly. To us a set of identical twins are the same at first glance.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Don't sweat it AP. *Women never take the compliment of "You look like this celebrity....." the right way. *They're competitive that they pick that woman's looks apart and tell you how much better they look themselves.
> 
> You mean you don't want people mistaking you for this wealthy famous person that has all these connections in Hollywood? Ok then, hey nobody.... Listen to this generic compliment about how you look good today.
> 
> Men don't see it that way. To us it's an act of endearment and we don't spend enough time looking at women's faces and trying to find faults to see anything as ugly. To us a set of identical twins are the same at first glance.


Hahaha so true.

My sister gets told she looks like Eva Mendes on many occasions. She instantly gets pissed off. I have no idea why, I would love to get that compliment!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

A bank teller told me I looked like Paula Deen! I was pissed! I have hazel eyes, am 20 years YOUNGER and just had blonde highlights added which I hated after that comment.

I don't even like her smile - it's so white someone needs to tell her to back away from the dentist.


----------



## bandit.45

On a good day I'm prettier than JG, and I'm as ugly as a Mexican mailbox.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> On a good day I'm prettier than JG, and I'm as ugly as a Mexican mailbox.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: I had no idea what that meant so I had to look it up ROFL....
Urban Dictionary: mexican mailbox


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> My sister gets told she looks like Eva Mendes on many occasions. She instantly gets pissed off. I have no idea why, I would love to get that compliment!


Eva Mendes is a goddess. Your sister is a nut. LOL.


----------



## vi_bride04

Yes, JB, my sister IS a nut!!! But still not as nutty as the youngest....that could probably be another thread entirely. 

I swear, my siblings and I are great examples of what happens when kids are raised in an emotionally stable vs extremely emotionally unstable environment. My brother and I, not so crazy, but the other 2....hmmm....lol


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hahaha so true.
> 
> My sister gets told she looks like Eva Mendes on many occasions. She instantly gets pissed off. I have no idea why, I would love to get that compliment!


It's because women hate other women. 

If there is any chance another woman could be considered competition, you'll all about picking her apart and secretly hoping something bad happens to her. It doesn't matter if she's pretty, ugly, rich, or famous, if you hear yourself being compared to her you're going get pissed that somebody isn't directly saying how you look pretty. 

It's just how women are. I don't think it's learned, I think it's more primal than anything.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> A bank teller told me I looked like Paula Deen! I was pissed! I have hazel eyes, am 20 years YOUNGER and just had blonde highlights added which I hated after that comment.
> 
> I don't even like her smile - it's so white someone needs to tell her to back away from the dentist.



I can tell you what I was told what I looked like growing up, but makes no difference I embrace "dork" all the way


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes, JB, my sister IS a nut!!! But still not as nutty as the youngest....that could probably be another thread entirely.


There is always one sibling or sister like that. Hahaha.



Nsweet said:


> It's because women hate other women.
> 
> If there is any chance another woman could be considered competition, you'll all about picking her apart and secretly hoping something bad happens to her. It doesn't matter if she's pretty, ugly, rich, or famous, if you hear yourself being compared to her you're going get pissed that somebody isn't directly saying how you look pretty.
> 
> It's just how women are. I don't think it's learned, I think it's more primal than anything.


Whaaaaaaaaaaat?! I disagree. I think some women do not like some other women but to make a blanket statement like that is pretty ignorant, Nsweet. And yes, I am calling you out on it.


----------



## vi_bride04

I looks like my grandma in her younger days. I don't hate that.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Feeling some major solidarity reading everyone's dating trials & tribulations - and successes too! ::raises fist:: Power to the people!!! (singles of TAM people specifically) :toast:
> 
> So after sleeping with Swedish Chef I got two "hey how's it hanging?" texts the day after but he didn't ask me out for Tuesday as we had talked about pre-sex.
> 
> The past two days have been total radio silence. Pre-sex we texted a couple of times every day. What ticks me off is before we had sex we said we both liked each other and would like to date but not be monogamous, so him pulling the "Houdini disappearing act" after sex makes me feel quite mislead. He specifically said he wasn't looking for a one night stand. It appears otherwise.
> 
> I don't understand grown ass adults who can't be direct and mindful of other people's feelings. There's no need to pretend you want to take me out on all these dates or have me come eat in your restaurant if you don't. Just be honest. It's less hurtful.
> 
> He said I'm the first new person he's slept with in 5 years so maybe he had a freak out. I think he just wanted sex and is too immature to be direct. If I don't hear from him soon or he tries to text me way down the road I'm going to tell him I don't appreciate his behavior and don't care to see him again. No use crying over spilled milk or trying to slurp it back up!
> 
> Feeling a bit bummed to know I probably got played. So happy I'm going on vacation in a few days! Perfect palate cleanser and reboot!


yeah, that sucks big time.

i hate the "hey you" texts....


----------



## unsure78

i got nothing going on today.. just work, which i dont feel like doing right now going to see dh twice this week....once for lunch and once on the weekend, which he kinda gave me carte blanche if there anything i ever wanted to do but never have... its pretty cool but i dont think i will take him up on something like that yet....


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> There is always one sibling or sister like that. Hahaha.
> 
> 
> 
> Whaaaaaaaaaaat?! I disagree. I think some women do not like some other women but to make a blanket statement like that is pretty ignorant, Nsweet. And yes, I am calling you out on it.


Meh whatever. 

It's more of a Snuggy statement anyways. That's a big ridiculous blanket statement with obvious holes.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> yeah, that sucks big time.
> 
> i hate the "hey you" texts....


Right? It's like, "Hey, I saw your vagina a few days ago... Hi."

Or "We made out for three hours and it's been a week since...Hey."

Go somewhere else with that!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Right? It's like, "Hey, I saw your vagina a few days ago... Hi."
> 
> Or "We made out for three hours and it's been a week since...Hey."
> 
> Go somewhere else with that!


hahahaha that cracked me up!


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I'm glad my sexlessness made SOMEBODY laugh! (Cause it usually has me in tears). Hahahahahaha.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Right? It's like, "Hey, I saw your vagina a few days ago... Hi."
> 
> Or "We made out for three hours and it's been a week since...Hey."
> 
> Go somewhere else with that!


:rofl:

Some men actually think "hey you" is cute.... 

Are you afraid to use my name?? Is my name too intimate? haha, weird. I remember a guy i dated before I was married would only address me as "Hey you"

He "said" he was in love with me. Maybe.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Well I'm glad my sexlessness made SOMEBODY laugh! (Cause it usually has me in tears). Hahahahahaha.


Awww, you're being too hard on yourself.... Or you're masturbating just right.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

I wouldn't mind if she didn't look like a geezer
I'm sure she scrubs up beautifully
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Are you afraid to use my name?? Is my name too intimate? haha, weird. I remember a guy i dated before I was married would only address me as "Hey you"
> 
> He "said" he was in love with me. Maybe.


The "Hey You" guy was in love with you? See? This is why I don't get some men. He couldn't say your name but was in love with you? Ok, then. Nuts. 



Nsweet said:


> Awww, you're being too hard on yourself.... Or you're masturbating just right.:rofl:


Oh believe me. I am a Master Bator. Hahaha. I never complain because I can always score the big O with myself. Pfft. Could probably do it in my sleep.

But with that said, it'd be nice to have some skin on skin contact with a lad. And not just my lady fingers.


----------



## Another Planet

lol this place is funny today


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> The "Hey You" guy was in love with you? See? This is why I don't get some men. He couldn't say you rname but was in love with you? Ok, then. Nuts.
> *Exactly! He's only saying "I love you" to get sex or get you in a relationship with him before his ugly side comes out.*
> 
> 
> Oh believe me. I am a Master Bator. Hahaha. I never complain because I can always score the big O with myself. Pfft. Could probably do it in my sleep.
> 
> But with that said, it'd be nice to have some skin on skin contact with a lad. And not just my lady fingers.


Been there done that. 

Masturbating while having a sex dream and waking up before you finish.... There is absolutely nothing more disappointing. It's like having someone take the food out of your mouth before you get to really taste it.


----------



## Jellybeans

It's TORTURE, Nsweet!!!!

I had a dream the other night where I was about to GET IT ON with a hot hot man and was all positioning myself for the kill as I winked at him or did something else super sexy (I was at his mercy) and just as he's coming at me, to get over me, I WOKE UP.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I woke up and was like, This isn't my real life, Go back, go back to the Dream World, go baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!


----------



## Another Planet

So I have decided I don't like bleacher at all now. Well at least for my end result intentions which would have been LTR, maybe having someone to date but not anything serious. 

Why all of a sudden?...
Well first off one of her best friends is a guy. History just doesn't support this as a good thing...unless you are on a sitcom.

Second she likes sports. I am just not into those kind of girls. If you would rather go to the Tigers or Redwings game then to an Art Show or the Opera we are just on totally different wavelengths.

Third she says to me that "I *have* to take her on a ride on my bike this summer ". Which is fine whatever I know girls like to be whisked away on exciting adventures, it gets their engines running  I'm totally cool with that it's just the icing on the cake kind of thing showing me what she is really after. 

All of this was discussed just last night lol. 
I am cool with having a good time and everything but from what I have seen is it just doesn't work out in the long run. So there finished before it even started.
I don't even know why she texted me last night to begin with, she had nothing relevant to say :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So I have decided I don't like bleacher at all now.


I could have told you that PAGES ago. 

So now you just need to tell her you don't see it going further. It's a bit odd to have to admit a relationship (text relationship) when you haven't even met the person, yeah? 
Ah, modern romance!

:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I could have told you that PAGES ago.
> 
> So now you just need to tell her you don't see it going further. It's a bit odd to have to admit a relationship (text relationship) when you haven't even met the person, yeah?
> Ah, modern romance!
> 
> :rofl:


I think you did actually lol

How about this..."listen I don't think this is working out and I think we should text other people" :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I think you did actually lol


Haha. I'll be like Nsweet and say, "I told you soooo." (We both did tell you). 



Another Planet said:


> How about this..."listen I don't think this is working out and I think we should text other people" :rofl:


That sounds perfect!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> So I have decided I don't like bleacher at all now.


Good, now don't look back!


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Dammit, I wanted to say that!:rofl:
> 
> There is something about really good sex you could go for years without and never really get over. It's like an heroin addiction that leaves you with a new friend and dirty sheets. Ok, it's exactly like a heroin addiction.:rofl:
> 
> 21 months now.


Me, too 

When it finally happens... I am going off on one crazy bender. He better be ready.


----------



## jpr

I love sports. Love them.

There is nothing better than sitting outside on a summer evening, eating sunflower seeds, drinking a beer, and listening to the baseball game on the radio.

...ap and me would definitely not be a match. 



...but that was probably obvious already.


----------



## Ikaika

jpr said:


> I love sports. Love them.
> 
> There is nothing better than sitting outside on a summer evening, eating sunflower seeds, drinking a beer, and *listening to the baseball game on the radio*.
> 
> ...ap and me would definitely not be a match.
> 
> 
> 
> ...but that was probably obvious already.


Oh yea, baseball... Season starts March 22nd


----------



## unsure78

B...O...R...E...D but also feeling incredibly lazy


----------



## bandit.45

I didn't sleep a wink last night. I just wanna go home and crash.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Wait a little more to promote baseball before I hear the boring yawns. 

MLB Top Plays 2013 Part 1 - YouTube

And this:

Amazing Ball girl catch - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

I wanna go home, shower and lay naked under the ceiling fan and evaporate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I wanna go home, shower and lay naked under the ceiling fan and evaporate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude. I want to do that, too!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> I wanna go home, shower and lay naked under the ceiling fan and evaporate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


that dose sound like a good plan bandito


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> I love sports. Love them.
> 
> There is nothing better than sitting outside on a summer evening, eating sunflower seeds, drinking a beer, and listening to the baseball game on the radio.
> 
> ...ap and me would definitely not be a match.
> 
> 
> 
> ...but that was probably obvious already.


Lol 
I have no idea who does actually want me honestly. I am to frkn weird I guess. I am not a normal guy. Kind of why I feel like I'm going to be George Cloonying it up the rest of my life. Fine with me at the moment.
I think I'm going to go buy some **** to fill that empty void in my heart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

What do the "****"s mean in your post? What are you buying? I want to know!!!

And you're not weird. Some people like sports and some don't. If we were all the same and liked the same things, life would be BOOORING. Personally, I'd much rather hit up an art exhibit than watch baseball. (But now, basketball is another story).


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Lol
> I have no idea who does actually want me honestly. I am to frkn weird I guess. I am not a normal guy. Kind of why I feel like I'm going to be George Cloonying it up the rest of my life. Fine with me at the moment.
> I think I'm going to go buy some **** to fill that empty void in my heart.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oh Another...you jump around like a little bunny rabbit....all over the place.... perhaps you should try to focus on one thing at a time.... 

what are you doing to work on yourself? you said you where... what does that entail?


----------



## Jellybeans

AP has dating ADHD. Hahahaha.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Dude. I want to do that, too!


Cool. Come on over. Bring Unsure. I have a California king. Plenty of room for everyone. We'll just lay there and evaporate together. When dry, we'll get up and make chili nachos and watch Netflix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. I see what you did there.

I'll bring the Coronas. Unsure, you bring some chips and hummus.

Poor party! Bandit mentioned it was 85 where is.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Daylight savings time has me feeling whipped, but I'm going to ride my bike for a few miles anyway to enjoy this awesome weather while it lasts!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

TheGoodGuy said:


> Daylight savings time has me feeling whipped, but I'm going to ride my bike for a few miles anyway to enjoy this awesome weather while it lasts!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


........I don't want to talk about the weather right now.

Its currently 48 degrees. 

By tomorrow night it will be -1 and we will have 8-12" of snow.

I'm so pissed off about it. Been loving the 50 degree days.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sending you some warm thoughts, Vi!!


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I see what you did there.
> 
> I'll bring the Coronas. Unsure, you bring some chips and hummus.
> 
> Poor party! Bandit mentioned it was 85 where is.


The citrus trees are blossoming. Smells awesome at night. Great times for backyard barbecues. In two months it will be 115.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> ........I don't want to talk about the weather right now.
> 
> Its currently 48 degrees.
> 
> By tomorrow night it will be -1 and we will have 8-12" of snow.
> 
> I'm so pissed off about it. Been loving the 50 degree days.


Sorry VI! Wasn't wasn't trying to gloat. It's supposed to get colder here again tomorrow too. Mother Nature is a freaking tease
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

TheGoodGuy said:


> Sorry VI! Wasn't wasn't trying to gloat. It's supposed to get colder here again tomorrow too. Mother Nature is a freaking tease
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL its ok, I'm over it. 

It will be in the 40s on Thursday so at least I don't have to shovel (hopefully)


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I wanna go home, shower and lay naked under the ceiling fan and evaporate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That sounds divine.


----------



## ne9907

Yesterday, i Found one one of the men I have been talking with on Tinder lied to me.

I had asked him what his last name is, so he gave me one.
However, I have one of those accounts that lets people search people by different methods, one of them is cell phone number.

I searched his number, and it gave me a different last name. At first I thought little of it, after all tinder is a hook up site.

Anyway, once i knew his real last name, i checked him on FB and found him.

Innocent enough, he had told me he lived abroad and had one child. All checked out.

He also told me he was divorced. I looked at the only picture he has, and a woman whose profile showed the same kid as his, liked the picture.

She has a public profile. I checked hers, and she is his wife (or was at some point).

They were doing family outings as early as November of last year, she is still abroad, he is not. 

I think he is lying. He texted me this morning, I did not reply.
If anything, I will call him (he has already called me numerous times) and demand to know what is going on.

I care because he lied to me! If he is married, he should not be looking for a hook up!! I had been the betrayed spouse, I know how it hurts!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, just ask him straight up if he is married and say nothing else while you listen to his response. Give him a chance to respond.


----------



## Lon

Tell him you know he is lying but don't tell him how you know or reveal any information about how much exactly you know. Let him squirm a little and see how forthright he is. If his story doesn't add up send his W an anonymous letter that her husband has a profile on tinder.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> What do the "****"s mean in your post? What are you buying? I want to know!!!
> 
> And you're not weird. Some people like sports and some don't. If we were all the same and liked the same things, life would be BOOORING. Personally, I'd much rather hit up an art exhibit than watch baseball. (But now, basketball is another story).


****=S*H*I*T. I was just saying I will buy some more stuff.

I know I am fine this way. I sacrificed ALOT of myself for my exwife, to the point where I didn't even know who I was anymore. Now I do and I like myself the way I am...well for the most part. Every day is something new.



unsure78 said:


> oh Another...you jump around like a little bunny rabbit....all over the place.... perhaps you should try to focus on one thing at a time....
> 
> what are you doing to work on yourself? you said you where... what does that entail?


I am always doing something. 



Jellybeans said:


> AP has dating ADHD. Hahahaha.


Could be 

You guys I was not saying it bothers me so please don't think that...well that much anyway. Seriously if it means I am single forever OK
But I also know she might be on the other side of the world I don't know, guess I'll just have to go there. And it makes my Villa in France that much more attainable


----------



## Another Planet

NE ditch him!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Cool. Come on over. Bring Unsure. I have a California king. Plenty of room for everyone. We'll just lay there and evaporate together. When dry, we'll get up and make chili nachos and watch Netflix.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey im all cool with that jelly is my total lebi crush now  lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Yesterday, i Found one one of the men I have been talking with on Tinder lied to me.
> 
> I had asked him what his last name is, so he gave me one.
> However, I have one of those accounts that lets people search people by different methods, one of them is cell phone number.
> 
> I searched his number, and it gave me a different last name. At first I thought little of it, after all tinder is a hook up site.
> 
> Anyway, once i knew his real last name, i checked him on FB and found him.
> 
> Innocent enough, he had told me he lived abroad and had one child. All checked out.
> 
> He also told me he was divorced. I looked at the only picture he has, and a woman whose profile showed the same kid as his, liked the picture.
> 
> She has a public profile. I checked hers, and she is his wife (or was at some point).
> 
> They were doing family outings as early as November of last year, she is still abroad, he is not.
> 
> I think he is lying. He texted me this morning, I did not reply.
> If anything, I will call him (he has already called me numerous times) and demand to know what is going on.
> 
> I care because he lied to me! If he is married, he should not be looking for a hook up!! I had been the betrayed spouse, I know how it hurts!



Ahh maybe not necessarily , bit sketchy but hey , were you even into him anyway ?

What really scares me is you did all that so easily , wow this is one spooky world these days .


----------



## Jellybeans

Sooo... Mr. Ex Jelly asked me out for drinks.


----------



## Another Planet

WHAT! and you said?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Sooo... Mr. Ex Jelly asked me out for drinks.


Ahhhh the exh asking you out...happens quite frequently in my world...my exh is an idiot so its a no way for me

Hmmmmmmmmm what did you say jelly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> NE ditch him!


Nooo! Not yet! I want to hear what story he comes up with. It's kind of like the trolls on TAM... it's most fun to play with them first before calling them out on their bullsh*t. 



unsure78 said:


> Hey im all cool with that jelly is my total lebi crush now  lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aww, thanks Unsure! I would totally go lez for you as your my TAM Lady! Hahaha.  I am just as enamored with your breasts as all the men on here. Hahahaha.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Sooo... Mr. Ex Jelly asked me out for drinks.


No matter how bad you want to get laid, don't do it


----------



## Jellybeans

I haven't responded yet but I am considering. For a looong time post-separation we did this Velcro thing where we'd unmesh and get back together. I don't actually think it'd hurt to meet up with him since he was a huge part of my life for many years. There was a lot of love there, you know?

Lol, Vi. It wouldn't be sex. But I know he would still want to bang me. Because, HELLO, he did it for many many years and I can't say I blame him, Hehehehe.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I think you did actually lol
> 
> How about this..."listen I don't think this is working out and I think we should text other people" :rofl:



But isn't it weird , like JB said , modern romance - l think we should text other people .
We don't even meet these days , we use machines - it's bizarre if you think about it .
Anyway you'll see in a minute , l'm in a similar sitch , bizarro world :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> But isn't it weird , like JB said , modern romance - l think we should text other people .
> We don't even meet these days , we use machines - it's bizarre if you think about it .
> Anyway you'll see in a minute , l'm in a similar sitch , bizarro world :rofl:


I could make it sound stranger to you, I have a feeling my world would blow your mind whitehawk. 
I am sitting here with 3 different screens in front of me and a super computer in my pocket communicating with I actually couldn't calculate how many different people on like 7-8 different platforms. There's numbers I can't even fathom that I am indirectly communicating with...

I sure do miss a really good kiss in the rain or that feeling when she looks at you with absolute love from under the sheets or the warm breeze and the mist from the waves brushing against your hands intertwined while we walk the beach at sunset.....


----------



## lisab0105

bandit.45 said:


> The citrus trees are blossoming. Smells awesome at night. Great times for backyard barbecues. In two months it will be 115.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Phx right? I grew up there and was back there in 2011.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I haven't responded yet but I am considering. For a looong time post-separation we did this Velcro thing where we'd unmesh and get back together. I don't actually think it'd hurt to meet up with him since he was a huge part of my life for many years. There was a lot of love there, you know?
> 
> Lol, Vi. It wouldn't be sex. *But I know he would still want to bang me. *Because, HELLO, he did it for many many years and I can't say I blame him, Hehehehe.


So how does one dress to meet up with ex with this knowledge in hand


----------



## whitehawk

How do l get myself into this stuff , l knew this would happen.
All l wanted was some light fun , that's it , just a little bit of a life .

l'd weeded the garden down to 2. This was not easy because there was really 3 and l felt really bad signing off on the 3rd one, she's the 7hr one , such a cutie.

Meanwhile T and l are just , well l don't even know how to describe it . So l decided ok , l've gotta get my [email protected] together here and finish things with E , she's the 2hr away one. 
But E was already coming down to fossick through the little old shed up the back - how's that for a date :rofl: Nah my place is one ac and it had this little shed up the back full of really old stuff , E loves antiques .
So E turns up yesterday , fk ! She is really cute and totally different to her pics, even better and the way she talks on the phone.
She's like this classic little pocket rocket , all 5ft of her, full of life and humor , warmth and you'd think she was 10ft tall she's that gutsy , absolute classic of a girl.
Really through me for 6 and we were instantly just full on at ease and just flew into all kinds of stuff the way you rarely do .

But T , nope we haven't met yet , everything else but haven't met -l know , l hear ya . But it is sooo fkg intense , l really can't say, just fulllll on ! And it's mad but l feel committed to her and her me , l know we have to physically be together , we were getting to that.

But now pocket rocket turns up , fk . She is really something , l just didn't expect this . We were just talking about the little shed and she was just dying to see it so l thought well that's cool whatever, just totally separate she can come and look in the shed , why not - l can just imagine how that sounds but hey , what can l say. Anything can happen :rofl:

l dunno WTF to do now ?
But T and l are so intense l feel like l cheated on her , how crazies that . And l feel like l'm betraying her if l spend any more time with E , well l am if you knew . But E just accidentally turned out like this .

So here l am . stressing out , straight back into the damn frying pan , how did this happen ?


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Hey im all cool with that jelly is my total lebi crush now  lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm....

Maybe we skip the nachos....


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Hmm....
> 
> Maybe we skip the nachos....


Did you evaporate yet bandito?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> How do l get myself into this stuff , l knew this would happen.
> All l wanted was some light fun , that's it , just a little bit of a life .
> 
> l'd weeded the garden down to 2. This was not easy because there was really 3 and l felt really bad signing off on the 3rd one, she's the 7hr one , such a cutie.
> 
> Meanwhile T and l are just , well l don't even know how to describe it . So l decided ok , l've gotta get my [email protected] together here and finish things with E , she's the 2hr away one.
> But E was already coming down to fossick through the little old shed up the back - how's that for a date :rofl: Nah my place is one ac and it had this little shed up the back full of really old stuff , E loves antiques .
> So E turns up yesterday , fk ! She is really cute and totally different to her pics, even better and the way she talks on the phone.
> She's like this classic little pocket rocket , all 5ft of her, full of life and humor , warmth and you'd think she was 10ft tall she's that gutsy , absolute classic of a girl.
> Really through me for 6 and we were instantly just full on at ease and just flew into all kinds of stuff the way you rarely do .
> 
> But T , nope we haven't met yet , everything else but haven't met -l know , l hear ya . But it is sooo fkg intense , l really can't say, just fulllll on ! And it's mad but l feel committed to her and her me , l know we have to physically be together , we were getting to that.
> 
> But now pocket rocket turns up , fk . She is really something , l just didn't expect this . We were just talking about the little shed and she was just dying to see it so l thought well that's cool whatever, just totally separate she can come and look in the shed , why not - l can just imagine how that sounds but hey , what can l say. Anything can happen :rofl:
> 
> l dunno WTF to do now ?
> *But T and l are so intense l feel like l cheated on her , how crazies that* . And l feel like l'm betraying her if l spend any more time with E , well l am if you knew . But E just accidentally turned out like this .
> 
> So here l am . stressing out , straight back into the damn frying pan , how did this happen ?


Well then, I think you should tell them both about everything and I think they will decide for you.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> :rofl: I had no idea what that meant so I had to look it up ROFL....
> Urban Dictionary: mexican mailbox


Wow. I had no idea. It's an old saying where I'm from, like saying "ugly as a mud fence".... I didn't know they took it and pervertified it....


----------



## unsure78

You know I think you boys in this thread have more drama than us ladies....lol 

Drama kings hahahhahahahah

Except for Bandito... he is evaporating awesome
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Did you evaporate yet bandito?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Si... mi carina...

.....el ventilador fue increíble...


----------



## whitehawk

T is the most ironic sitch l've ever come across.
See , l accidentally met my ex in this singles club we both just went into for fun. Neither of us were looking or expecting anything , it was just a really cool club , everyone was in it. 

Well , as it turns out , in my area , my date site is something like that only internet . lt's a bit like this singles thread, everyone can talk and mix separately to the date site part.

So ex did N for a job and shift work , T does N for a job and shift work.
Ex was 25mins away , T is 25mins away.
Ex had just been chewed up and spat out by a mad ex , T has just lived through the same .
That's actually why we haven't met up yet because T has 2 daughters and there was huge stuff happened with the ex.
That's all over 2yrs now but she's still very jittery .

They're the exact same age , within 2wks and same start sign. Same height, same hair , same build , it's wacko .

Ex and l fav band was Guns n Roses , well they're still my all time fav band actually, T's fav band is Guns n Roses , as we speak.
l said to T one night , we're gonna lay on the lounge floor in the dark and listen to this song over and over . T tells me the exact song.

Ex had this thing in her personality , it's just a very very unusual one in a million certain twist , l've never seen it in anyone else , but yep , T has it to.

lt goes on and on , very very strange. lf ex was a bad thing , of course l'd run a mile , but it wasn't like that we just got effed up .

So weird , this is way too heavy for my poor brain to digest right now , add the intensity and then add E now , WTF !


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Well then, I think you should tell them both about everything and I think they will decide for you.



Yeah maybe that's what l have to do AP , dunno how to get myself outa this one. Or into it , or whatever the hell !


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> You know I think you boys in this thread have more drama than us ladies....lol
> 
> Drama kings hahahhahahahah
> 
> Except for Bandito... he is evaporating awesome
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey I have about 10% of the drama now as I came here with. I personally think I am doing good. I have NO idea how I juggled all that **** and still functioned.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> T is the most ironic sitch l've ever come across.
> See , l accidentally met my ex in this singles club we both just went into for fun. Neither of us were looking or expecting anything , it was just a really cool club , everyone was in it.
> 
> Well , as it turns out , in my area , my date site is something like that only internet . lt's a bit like this singles thread, everyone can talk and mix separately to the date site part.
> 
> So ex did N for a job and shift work , T does N for a job and shift work.
> Ex was 25mins away , T is 25mins away.
> Ex had just been chewed up and spat out by a mad ex , T has just lived through the same .
> That's actually why we haven't met up yet because T has 2 daughters and there was huge stuff happened with the ex.
> That's all over 2yrs now but she's still very jittery .
> 
> They're the exact same age , within 2wks and same start sign. Same height, same hair , same build , it's wacko .
> 
> Ex and l fav band was Guns n Roses , well they're still my all time fav band actually, T's fav band is Guns n Roses , as we speak.
> l said to T one night , we're gonna lay on the lounge floor in the dark and listen to this song over and over . T tells me the exact song.
> 
> Ex had this thing in her personality , it's just a very very unusual one in a million certain twist , l've never seen it in anyone else , but yep , T has it to.
> 
> lt goes on and on , very very strange. lf ex was a bad thing , of course l'd run a mile , but it wasn't like that we just got effed up .
> 
> So weird , this is way too heavy for my poor brain to digest right now , add the intensity and then add E now , WTF !


All I have to say is you mentioned your ex way to often in there. Are you sure you want to date someone that is similar to your ex, I mean she is your ex for a reason?


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> All I have to say is you mentioned your ex way to often in there. Are you sure you want to date someone that is similar to your ex, I mean she is your ex for a reason?


Ooo nice point Another, so very true!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Haha , yeah don't worry that crossed my mind. But the only reason l mentioned her is in the ironic sitch .
Crazy thing is yep l wouldn't mind another ex at all , we just got effed up withe life and stresses , nother story.

ps , but on the other hand to , maybe it's in her job and now T does the same job - if l had any brains l should run !


----------



## whitehawk

Just been talking to T , E and l were calling later , what a mess.
Maybe l could try dropping out for a few days , figure this [email protected] out.


----------



## LBHmidwest

EnjoliWoman said:


> A bank teller told me I looked like Paula Deen! I was pissed! I have hazel eyes, am 20 years YOUNGER and just had blonde highlights added which I hated after that comment.
> 
> I don't even like her smile - it's so white someone needs to tell her to back away from the dentist.


You do NOT look like Paula Deen. The prairie woman cook maybe...


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> So how does one dress to meet up with ex with this knowledge in hand


I think I could wear a paper sack and he'd still want some of this. Muahahahahaha. Our sex life was never the problem. Hahaha.



unsure78 said:


> Did you evaporate yet bandito?


:rofl: I seriously almost spit my tea out reading that from laughter!



unsure78 said:


> You know I think you boys in this thread have more drama than us ladies....lol


I so agree! What's up with that?!



Another Planet said:


> Hey I have about 10% of the drama now as I came here with.


Omg. I totally read that as "Hey I have about 100% of the drama now as I came here with."

:: Dies laughing:: Too funny!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I could make it sound stranger to you, I have a feeling my world would blow your mind whitehawk.
> I am sitting here with 3 different screens in front of me and a super computer in my pocket communicating with I actually couldn't calculate how many different people on like 7-8 different platforms. There's numbers I can't even fathom that I am indirectly communicating with...
> 
> I sure do miss a really good kiss in the rain or that feeling when she looks at you with absolute love from under the sheets or the warm breeze and the mist from the waves brushing against your hands intertwined while we walk the beach at sunset.....



Fk yeah that would , wayyyy to much computer for me man .
Hey , l use to day trade , something like your sitch now but nowhere near as full on though , that did my freakin head in.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Haha , yeah don't worry that crossed my mind. But the only reason l mentioned her is in the ironic sitch .
> Crazy thing is yep l wouldn't mind another ex at all , we just got effed up withe life and stresses , nother story.


If that is the case those are the solvable ones man. Get with your ex and go to counseling. 

Me see my exwife and I, I know we had are little thing there a couple months ago but oh boy am I done with her now. 

Now my exGF and I oh man...that is something that is hard to describe how I feel about her. She set expectations for me for other women just so if I get involved with anyone else and she came around again she couldn't break the commitment...how fckd is that?! I'm half way thinking she was a once in a life time thing and I might never meet one like her again. I will never forget that is for sure.
Damn, glad I met her and was able to be with her for the time I was. She was a monument of a woman.


----------



## Jellybeans

Why'd you break up with her AP?


----------



## vi_bride04

....I thought I like to text....geez disc golf hat is non stop. Hope I don't have a stage 5 on my hands....

Hmmmm I think my spidey sense is tingling...damn this dating crap!


----------



## Jellybeans

Don't respond for awhile and see he is lays off. Some folks like to text non-stop and then you have the HEY YOU guys every blue moon.

WTF!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> If that is the case those are the solvable ones man. Get with your ex and go to counseling.
> 
> Me see my exwife and I, I know we had are little thing there a couple months ago but oh boy am I done with her now.
> 
> Now my exGF and I oh man...that is something that is hard to describe how I feel about her. She set expectations for me for other women just so if I get involved with anyone else and she came around again she couldn't break the commitment...how fckd is that?! I'm half way thinking she was a once in a life time thing and I might never meet one like her again. I will never forget that is for sure.
> Damn, glad I met her and was able to be with her for the time I was. She was a monument of a woman.





Yeah , thanks AP , really interesting about your ex too . l didn't realize that double side to your sitch.

But l did try with mine , the problems arose weren't us just a glitch so to speak in our life itself.
But , she wouldn't try , telling herself all the things the need to to walk away , text book.
Got the damn D papers 2wks back , she says we need to move on . 

And here l am with a reincarnation , how TF did that happen 

Anyway , there's been a twist , next post :rofl: Actually nah it's not funny but if l don't laugh l'll cry


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Why'd you break up with her AP?


The last time or all the times before that? She's the one I've had on again off again with so many times I can't count. 
The last time I really don't know we were on our way out again because of my crazy ex causing problems between us and I came back from a vacation with the kids and here's another guy that sent her flowers while I was out so I dumped and deleted her from my life again...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

T figured it out . She felt sick all day yesterday and she knew it was me and something going on. l did too as soon as she told me. She's like that she's in my head , knows everything l think before l effing think it , it's kinda spooky really.

So l explained , can't fool her , fk !

l didn't know she was my ex's twin , things just came out bit by bit, but she is.
Maybe l should be running for the hills just because she is


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , thanks AP , really interesting about your ex too . l didn't realize that double side to your sitch.
> 
> But l did try with mine , the problems arose weren't us just a glitch so to speak in our life itself.
> But , she wouldn't try , telling herself all the things the need to to walk away , text book.
> Got the damn D papers 2wks back , she says we need to move on .
> 
> And here l am with a reincarnation , how TF did that happen
> 
> Anyway , there's been a twist , next post :rofl: Actually nah it's not funny but if l don't laugh l'll cry


Laugh and appreciate it for what it is boss! You can't have those great times without the bad


----------



## whitehawk

So true AP , good advice thanks man , highs and effing lows eh !


----------



## whitehawk

Now l think l'm gonna have to take that few days out , just to figure this [email protected] out.
lt's gonna hurt T though , she's already really upset and she'll know too .


----------



## Another Planet

Man, I don't know what to do. Is spring in the air maybe finally maybe?!?!
Coffee date Friday but do I want to set anymore? I can get burnt out quickly at this rate...
You know what works? Being myself...


----------



## bandit.45

Ah spring! A time when a young mans fancy lightly turns to thoughts of.....motorcycles!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Ah spring! A time when a young mans fancy lightly turns to thoughts of.....motorcycles!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And fast cars


----------



## bandit.45

And sundresses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> And sundresses.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ohh yeah and the waves and the sun on the sand :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Wait a minute didn't you say you live in Arizona or something like that lol


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah. Why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

It's always nice there lol
I have a buddy that lives in Mesa and he always sends me that stupid "everyday I'm shoveling" meme all the time. Not funny...ok it's funny! lol


----------



## bandit.45

The winters and spring and late fall are nice. Summer is brutal burning hell making you wish for a quick death.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Man, I don't know what to do. Is spring in the air maybe finally maybe?!?!
> Coffee date Friday but do I want to set anymore? I can get burnt out quickly at this rate...
> You know what works? Being myself...


Yep l hear you AP. 
You know what , 4wks ago l didn't have a life , just my nothing world at home,work, well apart from the great times with my daughter which is really about all l had in my life tbh and that was fine with me right now , mostly anyway.

Now , just 4 wks later , women stress. You just never know what's only around the corner people. No matter what your life is or the bs going on , just never know 

Anyway AP , if one is all you feel like then keep it at one l say . Ha, mind you l know that's easier said than done :scratchhead:
Just how is it anyway we manage to dump ourselves right into it :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> And sundresses.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Ah yes , the sundresses , l like your thinkin, what a wonderful world :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

I pass by ASU almost every day. A smorgasbord of young honeys. Yum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> T figured it out . She felt sick all day yesterday and she knew it was me and something going on. l did too as soon as she told me. She's like that she's in my head , knows everything l think before l effing think it , it's kinda spooky really.
> 
> So l explained , can't fool her , fk !


Sorry a little confused - so T is the one you are super into (Guns n Roses lady) but you haven't yet met up with? If that's the case I would say be wary - it's kind of unusual to be so possessive over someone you've never had physical contact with. 

Also it's not hard for us women to tell when a guy has a lady or two on the side. It's one of those intuitive things you just feel in your gut. Still - unless you have been dating a bit and want to settle down I think she is out of line and being overly dramatic about it. Don't feed the drama llama! 



Jellybeans said:


> Don't respond for awhile and see he is lays off. Some folks like to text non-stop and then you have the HEY YOU guys every blue moon.
> 
> WTF!


Ugh "Hey You" guys can go to h-e- double hockey sticks. Had a really weird/hilarious thing happen today: I started receiving "hey you" texts from someone on a craft brewery tour. They were sending me beers and descriptions of what they were tasting. I assumed it was one of my friends and was texting back.

Twenty minutes later - we realized it was a WRONG NUMBER and we didn't know each other at all!! :rofl:



Jellybeans said:


> But I know he would still want to bang me. Because, HELLO, he did it for many many years and I can't say I blame him, Hehehehe.


Jelly watch out for those ex's! They live (or should live) in Texas for a reason. 

I was being a bit of a sourpuss today because of swedish stoopey chef. However, I was literally flirted out of my bad mood! A random guy in a cafe line paid for my lunch (because he said my glasses were cute!) then a bartender made me feel her boobs. She said it was to feel her "heartbeat" but she really squished my hand in there! Not so much into the ladies but who doesn't enjoy a pair of big soft boobies? 

Seems like God is sending me some pity flirting...I'll take it!


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Man, I don't know what to do. Is spring in the air maybe finally maybe?!?!
> Coffee date Friday but do I want to set anymore? I can get burnt out quickly at this rate...
> *You know what works? Being myself...*


The older I get the more I realize this is true. It's like the less you try the more people want you. :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

God this old school approach of meeting women is doing my head in

As confident as I have been in the past, years of marriage have really robbed me of the nerve that I have to approach random beautiful women mistaking them for someone else and getting their number

Meetups are poor this month, have no other choice if I need to re-establish my supply of FWBs... hmmm, might start catching trains like the old days


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> God this old school approach of meeting women is doing my head in
> 
> As confident as I have been in the past, years of marriage have really robbed me of the nerve that I have to approach random beautiful women mistaking them for someone else and getting their number
> 
> Meetups are poor this month, have no other choice if I need to re-establish my supply of FWBs... hmmm, might start catching trains like the old days


"Supply of FWB"...you make it sound like your stocking up on office supplies. I wouldn't go anywhere near a dude that was looking for a rotation of f'ck buddies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Well if you put it THAT way, then I wouldn't either! 

Hehe

Still, last two FWBs went 'bust' - both wanted a relationship, one with me, the other went back to dating. So I'm 'out of stock' so to speak! 

Not looking for a rotation, but I don't really have a choice! Besides what would be your alternative? Go back to the one FWB I have left who has proven herself unable to keep her emotions in check? Resulting in me leading her on and using her when she wants something more which I can't give her?

I aint that cruel, so I 'rotate'


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Ugh "Hey You" guys can go to h-e- double hockey sticks. Had a really weird/hilarious thing happen today: I started receiving "hey you" texts from someone on a craft brewery tour. They were sending me beers and descriptions of what they were tasting. I assumed it was one of my friends and was texting back.
> 
> Twenty minutes later - we realized it was a WRONG NUMBER and we didn't know each other at all!! :rofl:


That is really funny!



bravenewworld said:


> Jelly watch out for those ex's! They live (or should live) in Texas for a reason.


"Those" exes? Hahaha. I have NEVER EVER had an ex who didn't try to get at me after we broke up. Never. Not once. And this ex in particular, well, e is the only one I married so, yeah. Mr. Ex Jelly is in a different category altogether. He has my longest relationship to date, too.

That is really funny about the BOOBIES!



bravenewworld said:


> The older I get the more I realize this is true. It's like the less you try the more people want you. :scratchhead:


Yep. So true. It's like, sometimes, even if you are being an a$$hole, some people leech on that. Crazy. 



RandomDude said:


> As confident as I have been in the past, years of marriage have really robbed me of the nerve that I have to approach random beautiful women mistaking them for someone else and getting their number


Just go for it.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Just go for it.




I'm not used to it anymore! lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Well you are never going to have success if you don't actually TRY.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Sorry a little confused - so T is the one you are super into (Guns n Roses lady) but you haven't yet met up with? If that's the case I would say be wary - it's kind of unusual to be so possessive over someone you've never had physical contact with.
> 
> Also it's not hard for us women to tell when a guy has a lady or two on the side. It's one of those intuitive things you just feel in your gut. Still - unless you have been dating a bit and want to settle down I think she is out of line and being overly dramatic about it. Don't feed the drama llama!
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks Brave , you got big points there and yep the Guns n Roses.
> There is one thing though l don't think it's a possessive thing. She's actually offered a few times that if l have unfinished business as she calls it - any women on the site l'm still in touch with, need any time, just yell.
> Although we've had a bit of emotional stuff going on this wk since so, the E thing could be a bit tricky . Well , if don't want to wreck what ever it is with T anyway.
> 
> Ha , l'll probably end up womenless :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

l like old school much better tbh but not in a chatting up sense just a meeting sense.

Went over to my fav chicky town :smthumbup: for lunch today thinking that exact thing .
l mean it's all there , right in front of you - and her , and it goes from there onto it's own natural path .
This internet stuff , lottttttta messing around , before you even get to cover what's covered in 5mins normally or in many ways even on sight .

lt's a funny old business really, pretty damn nerve racking too. On the other hand though , unless you have a big circle of friends and their friends and their friends , you can at least meet a lot of people pretty quickly really. 
Admittedly if l had a life , l'd still go old school any day though myself .


----------



## Jellybeans

What is a "chicky town?" Why don't you set up a date to meet T?


----------



## whitehawk

That's what all the guys call that town , it is layer upon layer with women. 

Anyway the T sitch , we just haven't got there yet , it's complicated but anyway , meantime E turned up.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Ah spring! A time when a young mans fancy lightly turns to thoughts of.....motorcycles!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok Conrad..lol


----------



## bandit.45

I woke up really horny this morning. Must be that beet juice I drank last night....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> I woke up really horny this morning. Must be that beet juice I drank last night....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, its b/c you are frequenting more on this thread.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> No, its b/c you are frequenting more on this thread.


HAHHAHAHAHAHAH....it sooooo true!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne, just ask him straight up if he is married and say nothing else while you listen to his response. Give him a chance to respond.


He called last night, it was a series of hit and miss because apparently he was having some family issues. I was driving around looking at places to rent.

In any event, when we finally talked I asked if he was married (i had already asked once) because I found some information which states he is married.

He said very rapidly "No, I am not married, I am not divorced yet, but the papers are filed" "where did you find this information?" "If I was married, why would she be abroad?"

I did not respond where I discovered the information because he kept saying he wasnt married. I told him the reason why I would not even consider hooking up with a married man and that was that.

He then asked if that was all I was worried about, to which I replied with "No, I know your last name isnt _______, but I understand the reason you chose not to divulge your real name"

He did get a bit upset about this, He said that he knew a woman has to be safe but it seemed as if I was still dealing with things from past relationships, and that it made him very uncomfortable.

I thought that was it, so I said that I understood and wished him luck.

The texted me a while later, explaining that his nephew (who he has custody of) was fighitng and the policy was involved, that he has no reason to hide anything, and that he assumed after we met, we would share information about ourselves.

I did not apologize for my intrusiveness, but I did say I would still like to meet him, so we are still talking and planning on meeting.

THis gave me an insight.
I like men who I feel I can control (dont ask me why, because I dont know)..
I go too fast, too soon, I go overboard. 

I want to share everything (maybe because I was married and did that with ex)?
I feel that because I am being an open book, they should be too. 
I expect loyalty and honestly right off the bat... I act sort of crazy if I dont get it.

Anyway. That is it!


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> HAHHAHAHAHAHAH....it sooooo true!


For the first time in weeks the little soldier was awake before I was. He greeted me with a saluuuute!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> For the first time in weeks the little soldier was awake before I was. He greeted me with a saluuuute!


Hahaha. When I read this I was like, is he talking about a child or his penis? 

:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> He called last night, it was a series of hit and miss because apparently he was having some family issues. I was driving around looking at places to rent.
> 
> In any event, when we finally talked I asked if he was married (i had already asked once) because I found some information which states he is married.
> 
> He said very rapidly "No, I am not married, I am not divorced yet, but the papers are filed" "where did you find this information?" "If I was married, why would she be abroad?"
> 
> I did not respond where I discovered the information because he kept saying he wasnt married. I told him the reason why I would not even consider hooking up with a married man and that was that.
> 
> He then asked if that was all I was worried about, to which I replied with "No, I know your last name isnt _______, but I understand the reason you chose not to divulge your real name"
> 
> He did get a bit upset about this, He said that he knew a woman has to be safe but it seemed as if I was still dealing with things from past relationships, and that it made him very uncomfortable.
> 
> I thought that was it, so I said that I understood and wished him luck.
> 
> The texted me a while later, explaining that his nephew (who he has custody of) was fighitng and the policy was involved, that he has no reason to hide anything, and that he assumed after we met, we would share information about ourselves.
> 
> I did not apologize for my intrusiveness, but I did say I would still like to meet him, so we are still talking and planning on meeting.
> 
> THis gave me an insight.
> I like men who I feel I can control (dont ask me why, because I dont know)..
> I go too fast, too soon, I go overboard.
> 
> I want to share everything (maybe because I was married and did that with ex)?
> I feel that because I am being an open book, they should be too.
> I expect loyalty and honestly right off the bat... I act sort of crazy if I dont get it.
> 
> Anyway. That is it!



their is nothing wrong with expecting honestly, right off the bat.. if they are willing to lie upfront what else are they lying about... loyalty however should be earned ( though i also have a problem with expecting loyalty..but i dont move fast generally)

the way I see this ne, is that 

1) he lied about his last name....I would be done with him

2) he lied about being married... he is still married just separated.. filed is different than divorced... I would be done with him

not only did he lie once, hes already lied twice...


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, good for you for talking it out with him. And you handled it well. I still don't get why he lied about his last name. That's weird. "Good luck" is the perfect way to say goodbye.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Ditto. No way would I go out with someone who lied about his name. AND isn't divorced yet screams affair.


----------



## ne9907

Totally agree with all of you ladies. 

The problem that I am struggling with is that although I do not find him very attractive, I still want his attention?

And believe me Ive gotten plenty of attention from other sources. Perhaps the old saying is true "We always want, what we cannot have"

Next man please!!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Hahaha. When I read this I was like, is he talking about a child or his penis?
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:



Or some of us describe it as raising the flagpole. You would think at my age that morning "rise" would slow down. But no.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well it seems like you CAN have it, it's just do you WANT him? 

You could keep him around for "attention" as long as you don't get pesky feelings involved. you could do like AP and keep it a flirty text relationship. Hahahaha.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well it seems like you CAN have it, it's just do you WANT him?
> 
> You could keep him around for "attention" as long as you don't get pesky feelings involved. you could do like AP and keep it a flirty text relationship. Hahahaha.


:lol:

That is an interesting proposition and i like the idea of being the female version of AP!


----------



## Another Planet

I hate Michigan. You hanging in there Vi?
...here I took a picture for you guys


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm so sick of this. Had about 4" in my driveway when I left for work. I am hoping by the time I get home I can pull in my driveway...its still snowing here. I don't think the Flint area got it as bad as further south though!

Oh and the -20 windchill for the next 2 days is going to be FANTASTIC!!!!


----------



## Nsweet

Follow the 180 rules here NE. 

If you feel like you are being lied to, which you are... then do not minimize, ignore, or downplay anything. He had one shot to be truthful with you and everything you've told us he's said just sounds like a slick con.... It really does.

I know there are several stories I've heard exactly like this. You catch that person lying and right away they tell you some story to invoke pity from you. She's scared of her crazy ex (Yeah what did she do to him?), He couldn't get to the phone all last night because he was in a car crash (Without a scratch on him), He tells you he's leaving his wife (And yet his call log shows he's talking to her more than you), And my personal favorite.... CANCER (He/She needs a lot of money and claims it's for a cancer treatment).

I actually have a couple ebooks on lie detection that go over all of this. The main thing you want to keep in mind is if you feel like you're being lied to... You probably are. Also men and women who lie like this usually poor boundaries, tell you anything you want to hear so they can they can move in too quickly. They basically put you on a pedestal by making you the hero. You want to watch out for this because just as quickly as they build you up they will tear you down.


----------



## Another Planet

I just measured around 7.5 inches...stupid white ****...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I just measured around 7.5 inches...stupid white ****...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Umm........


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I just measured around 7.5 inches...stupid white ****...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ummm..... That's what she said?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I just measured around 7.5 inches...stupid white ****...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm AP... Have I told you how much I think you are the perfect catch??..... I have never wanted you so much as I do right now haha


----------



## Nsweet

I probably shouldn't compare myself with AP then. I don't want to make him feel bad.

*8 3/4"*


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I just measured around 7.5 inches...stupid white ****...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_[/size

What's wrong with that? You got me beat. Quit whining.


----------



## Another Planet

Omg lol rofl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Niner, i had a niner.... and im sure i wll never find that again


----------



## Ikaika

Nsweet said:


> I probably shouldn't compare myself with AP then. I don't want to make him feel bad.
> 
> *8 3/4"*


I guess being Hawaiian has its advantages


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Niner, i had a niner.... and im sure i wll never find that again


Give me about 4 months and I should be there.


----------



## vi_bride04

Anything over 7" is such a waste, IMO. It just hurts at that point


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Niner, i had a niner.... and im sure i wll never find that again


There are plenty of toys available that size and larger if that is a genuine need to make an otherwise ideal relationship work


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Give me about 4 months and I should be there.


what are you still a growing boy?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> what are you still a growing boy?


He's jelquing.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another penis thread! HAHAHAHAHA

It's funny seeing all you guys comparing.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Anything over 7" is such a waste, IMO. It just hurts at that point


uhhh.. it did hurt in a few positions, but he was aware of that, most were fine and really it could also hit every spot ever........sigh..


though Lon yes you do have a point... and being skilled in using what you have is very important too


----------



## bandit.45

InTheWind has a niner. 

I envy guys like that. I have to make up the difference with my tongue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> InTheWind has a niner.
> 
> I envy guys like that. I have to make up the difference with my tongue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you know?

Actually nevermind...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> uhhh.. it did hurt in a few positions, but he was aware of that, most were fine and really it could also hit every spot ever........sigh..
> 
> 
> though Lon yes you do have a point... and being skilled in using what you have is very important too


But it was the right kind of hurt, right?


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> uhhh.. it did hurt in a few positions, but he was aware of that, most were fine and really it could also hit every spot ever........sigh..
> 
> 
> though Lon yes you do have a point... and being skilled in using what you have is very important too


I have to ride...fave position ever...and I can't with the bigger boys b/c it just hurts so bad


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> InTheWind has a niner.
> 
> I envy guys like that. I have to make up the difference with my tongue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oooo he was a talented man in all depts.... AMAZING...he absolutely knew how to work a woman.. he im sure has been with countless numbers of them... i picked him for a reason for my "fun" post exbf experience, I knew what i was doing with that one


just a suggestion ladies... there is a pic in my album if you ever meet killer, yea sleep with him...so worth it


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> How do you know?
> 
> Actually nevermind...


He talked about it on one of my old threads from a couple years ago. I think he shot Dolly a selfie of it. She came back with a positive report. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

lon said:


> but it was the right kind of hurt, right?


yesssssssssss!!!!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I have to ride...fave position ever...and I can't with the bigger boys b/c it just hurts so bad


Really? that didnt bother me at all... i rode it like i stole it.. lol


----------



## bandit.45

You're just really helping our collective male self esteem out there Unsure. Thanks heaps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Really? that didnt bother me at all... i rode it like i stole it.. lol


Hahahahaha! :smthumbup:


----------



## familyfirst09

This thread is HILARIOUS!!! Where do I sign up??? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> You're just really helping our collective male self esteem out there Unsure. Thanks heaps.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I LOVE YOU Bandito...you know this


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> This thread is HILARIOUS!!! Where do I sign up???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Feel free to join the debauchery..lol


----------



## Jellybeans

But what I really want to know it... did Bandito evaporate?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> what are you still a growing boy?


Yes.



Lon said:


> He's jelquing.


Not so much anymore. I do more clamping and hanging with a 35lb kettlebell.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Yes.
> 
> 
> Not so much anymore. I do more clamping and hanging with a 35lb kettlebell.


uuuh that just sounds painful..


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I LOVE YOU Bandito...you know this


LOL! In a plutonic, sisterly sort of way.... Pat me on the head and I'll go and sit with the other little boys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Omg you guys I was talking about snow ROFL...
But now that you mention it I am not to far off. My highschool gf who was the last one that measured said it was 7 but I don't really know now. I'm sure I could use some fluffing 
Now measuring with a vagina I have never had any complaints. My exwife was 5' tall I would stab her organs and we would have to stop...:/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Omg you guys I was talking about snow ROFL...
> But now that you mention it I am not to far off. My highschool gf who was the last one that measured said it was 7 but I don't really know now. I'm sure I could use some fluffing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Be more specific next time dillhole. See what you started?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> LOL! In a plutonic, sisterly sort of way.... Pat me on the head and I'll go and sit with the other little boys.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAh


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> Yes.
> 
> 
> Not so much anymore. I do more clamping and hanging with a 35lb kettlebell.


What do you hang it off of?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Be more specific next time dillhole. See what you started?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol its so funny though! I'm like 10hrs in to a 14hr+ shift and you guys made me laugh 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Omg you guys I was talking about snow ROFL...
> But now that you mention it I am not to far off. My highschool gf who was the last one that measured said it was 7 but I don't really know now. I'm sure I could use some fluffing
> Now measuring with a vagina I have never had any complaints. My exwife was 5' tall I would stab her organs and we would have to stop...:/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yea Another we knew what you were talking about but penis size is waaaaaay more entertaining than snow


----------



## bandit.45

I didn't know he was talking about snow. Sheezus. Well my soldier is now firmly sucked back and entrenched in my abdomen. This has been humiliating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## Lon

Nsweet said:


> Not so much anymore. I do more clamping and hanging with a 35lb kettlebell.


So when you become 9", is that only with the kettlebell on?


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> So when you become 9", is that only with the kettlebell on?


Yowzer!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I saw a video of an Indian holy man who took a broomstick and wound his penis around it. 

I know that has nothing to do with anything, but since Nsweet likes to hang weightlifting equipment from his Johnson, I thought it would be apropos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> uuuh that just sounds painful..


Only mildly. It's at most a dull ache that I only have to endure for less than 10 minutes twice a week.



bandit.45 said:


> What do you hang it off of?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you think?


----------



## bandit.45

Dude that's beyond fvcked up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> I didn't know he was talking about snow. Sheezus. Well my soldier is now firmly sucked back and entrenched in my abdomen. This has been humiliating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry Bandit, I started it!


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> So when you become 9", is that only with the kettlebell on?


What? No. I never said I was 9". I only measure around the weekends when I'm fully recovered, and you don't really see any changes for months at a time. Anything you gain is going to be like 1/16" to 1/8" a month. About half of that the more experienced you are.


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah but.... That's like taking an air compressor hose and shoving it up your azz to inflate your sack so your balls look bigger. 

WTF?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Nsweet said:


> What? No. I never said I was 9".


You told Unsure you were on the way to be.


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but.... That's like taking an air compressor hose and shoving it up your azz to inflate your sack so your balls look bigger.
> 
> WTF?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What??? I know you're trying to be a smart ass, but those two things are no where near related. 

And the only guys that endlessly talk about shoving things up asses are either really into buttplay or gay.



Lon said:


> You told Unsure you were on the way to be.


Yeah, in like 4-6 months. It's a really slow process.


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> What??? I know you're trying to be a smart ass, but those two things are no where near related.
> 
> And the only guys that endlessly talk about shoving things up asses are either really into buttplay or gay.
> 
> 
> Yeah, in like 4-6 months. It's a really slow process.


I was joking around Nsweet. Don't get your knickers in a twist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Nsweet said:


> What??? I know you're trying to be a smart ass, but those two things are no where near related.
> 
> And the only guys that endlessly talk about shoving things up asses are either really into buttplay or gay.
> 
> 
> Yeah, in like 4-6 months. It's a really slow process.


I think my dumb little joke went over everyone's head. I just meant that with enough weight pulling down on my dangly bits I don't think there is a limit to how long I could be. But 9" of dangling penis flesh with 35lbs of weights attached isn't exactly practical. By the time it healed it would be right back to its normal proportions.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm confused!!! Is NSweet really trying to add length to his man parts????


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> I think my dumb little joke went over everyone's head. I just meant that with enough weight pulling down on my dangly bits I don't think there is a limit to how long I could be. But 9" of dangling penis flesh with 35lbs of weights attached isn't exactly practical. By the time it healed it would be right back to its normal proportions.


No, you never shrink back to normal. You could stop and shrink back some but you don't lose everything. I've been at this 12 years now from 14 to 26. I know what I'm talking about. 

And for the record it's not an obsession or anything to do with body image. No one made fun of me in the locker rooms, I never had an ex that told me my size was the reason she left or cheat.... Nothing like that. It's more of something I do just to do. It helps keep control of libido and it feels good.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> No, you never shrink back to normal. You could stop and shrink back some but you don't lose everything. I've been at this 12 years now from 14 to 26. I know what I'm talking about.
> 
> And for the record it's not an obsession or anything to do with body image. No one made fun of me in the locker rooms, I never had an ex that told me my size was the reason she left or cheat.... Nothing like that. It's more of something I do just to do. It helps keep control of libido and it feels good.


Btw, I'm not judging you or trying to make you feel weird... I do weird sh!t with mine too.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm confused!!! Is NSweet really trying to add length to his man parts????


I already did. 

I got up to 8" and I was happy with that. I spent a couple years working on girth some more, and then I quit for a while. 

But then I went back to those PE forums and tried to help some guys having trouble. My advice was challenged so much, because it goes against the status quo and I recommend more rest days and a smarter plan to increase intensity... So I ended up getting back into to prove a point.


----------



## bandit.45

So you stretch your d!ck. Okay. I would think that would injure the soft tissues. Not to mention nerve damage. Holy sh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> So you stretch your d!ck. Okay. I would think that would injure the soft tissues. Not to mention nerve damage. Holy sh!t.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Injuries happen. It depends on the type of injuries you're talking about. 

Little red spots on the skin are pretty natural. Bruises and bleeding mean you're doing WAY too much. I won't get into everything I've had happen, but I've had some serious injuries and bounced back to normal. Nerve damage has never ever been an issue. I keep certain rules in mind about tourniquets and blood flow and never do too much. 

The worst I've had with hanging my 35lbs kettlebell is a bunch of little red spots and bruises, which also happen with clamping, and those go away in just days. I switch up exercises and methods so I'm never doing too much in one week and there's no issues with getting it up.


----------



## bandit.45

Sheezus! Wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

My bf calls himself, "Painfully average"....but really, he is ginormous.


GINORMOUS.


----------



## LBHmidwest

Ever feel like you stumbled in the wrong bar but aren't sure how to make an exit...


----------



## Dollystanford

*walks in to thread*

*walks straight out again*


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Injuries happen. It depends on the type of injuries you're talking about.
> 
> Little red spots on the skin are pretty natural. Bruises and bleeding mean you're doing WAY too much. I won't get into everything I've had happen, but I've had some serious injuries and bounced back to normal. Nerve damage has never ever been an issue. I keep certain rules in mind about tourniquets and blood flow and never do too much.
> 
> The worst I've had with hanging my 35lbs kettlebell is a bunch of little red spots and bruises, which also happen with clamping, and those go away in just days. I switch up exercises and methods so I'm never doing too much in one week and there's no issues with getting it up.



Ummm....why??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I just googled "kettle ball on pen!s".
...and learn way more about a subject that I don't think my brain should have ever been exposed to.


Whoa.

Apparently, it is a semi-popular form of penal physical therapy.


----------



## bandit.45

See what happens when I join a thread? I'm a virus. 

Bandit out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> I'm never doing too much in one week and there's no issues with getting it up.


For me personally, doing all that just to get a few more fractions of an inch would feel emasculating to the point where I probably couldn't get it up due to lack of T. Just like going completely bare when manscaping.


----------



## LBHmidwest

I want EVERY woman here to know this.

It's 100% functional. I'm not sure what manscaping is but I can guess. And no, I don't do that but there is always a first.


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> Ummm....why??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because the juice is worth the squeeze.



jpr said:


> I just googled "kettle ball on pen!s".
> ...and learn way more about a subject that I don't think my brain should have ever been exposed to.
> 
> 
> Whoa.
> 
> Apparently, it is a semi-popular form of penal physical therapy.


I think you mean kettle*BELL*.

This stuff is very popular, but only with a tiny fraction of guys all over the world. 



Lon said:


> For me personally, doing all that just to get a few more fractions of an inch would feel emasculating to the point where I probably couldn't get it up due to lack of T. Just like going completely bare when manscaping.


Sounds to me like you don't need an excuse to feel emasculated, because you already have problems with self esteem.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



LBHmidwest said:


> I want EVERY woman here to know this.
> 
> It's 100% functional. I'm not sure what manscaping is but I can guess. And no, I don't do that but there is always a first.


Huh? What is 100% functional? And why do you want every woman on TAM to know it?

And manscaping is simply the grooming of body hair, some guys do none, and many guys do some, to varying extents.


----------



## Dollystanford

And any guy who wants a piece of this Dolly mixture had better manscape


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Sounds to me like you don't need an excuse to feel emasculated, because you already have problems with self esteem.


Oh yes, I agree wholeheartedly :-[

Also I don't really like ingrowns.


----------



## familyfirst09

Because the juice is worth the squeeze?? You don't have an orange between your legs lol. I don't get it....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Because the juice is worth the squeeze?? You don't have an orange between your legs lol. I don't get it....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's got 2 kiwis and a banana though!


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> Because the juice is worth the squeeze?? You don't have an orange between your legs lol. I don't get it....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a saying that means that the rewards are worth the effort. 

The hour or so total that it takes me 3 days a week is worth worth it to gain that 1/2" to 3/4" in a year.


----------



## familyfirst09

But why?? No woman likes a long skinny penis...am I right?? And why can't you just accept yourself the way you are...what is the point? sorry, you're a nice guy, we've talked and you've helped me in the past but just seems like an odd thing a 26 year old would want to do. I'm also not a fan of breast enlargements for the record (and I have a tiny chest - they're fabulous but small lol). Just doesn't make any sense to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> But why?? No woman likes a long skinny penis...am I right??...


Hey now!

reminds me of something I saw written on the wall of a bathroom stall in my high school many decades ago: "it's not the thick of the stick that counts but the throb of the knob".


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> But why?? No woman likes a long skinny penis...am I right??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I must agree with this statement! The phrase "pencil d!ck" comes to mind! Gotta have some girth!


----------



## bravenewworld

Skimming this thread and all I can say is penis stretching and manscaping and weiner size talk! Oh my! 

This AM I decided to confront swedish chef and I texted him saying I didn't appreciate the vanishing act after sex and that I felt used and hurt. 

He immediately texts me back that he is so sorry and should have told me sooner but two days after we hooked up the kitchen manager of his restaurant DIED. Hit and run after work. Guy was only 22, few years out of culinary school. He texted me the obit the restaurant put together and said he'd been working nonstop because he was covering the shifts himself.

After that he apologized again and asked if he could take me out before I leave. He said he felt terrible and the last thing he would ever want is to hurt anyone's feelings and especially mine. On one hand, I'm glad I said something. On the other hand, I now feel like a huge douche. :slap:

AP - when you said give him the benefit of the doubt my cynical side was like "no way Jose." But now I realize you never know.....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I must agree with this statement! The phrase "pencil d!ck" comes to mind! Gotta have some girth!


So then you approve of Nsweet's methods to try to take control over something (girth and length) that normally falls outside of a man's ability to control?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> So then you approve of Nsweet's methods to try to take control over something (girth and length) that normally falls outside of a man's ability to control?


Its his body.  I would never ask a man to do that!


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> But why?? No woman likes a long skinny penis...am I right?? And why can't you just accept yourself the way you are...what is the point? sorry, you're a nice guy, we've talked and you've helped me in the past but just seems like an odd thing a 26 year old would want to do. I'm also not a fan of breast enlargements for the record (and I have a tiny chest - they're fabulous but small lol). Just doesn't make any sense to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First off, I'd hardly call 5" at the thinnest being "long and skinny". I taper from about 5" to 6" at the base. When I take a break from working on length I'll work on that taper some more and making everything 6".

What's the point? There doesn't have to be a reason. I don't over think this one, I just do it.... It doesn't make any more sense than bodybuilding, but it's not like a life style choice or an obsession with me. It was from the ages of 14-18, but then I moved on and got a life.

I kinda do it now as a way of keeping libido down, like the iron crotch practicing monks. You can't think about sex when you can't get an erection for a few days. So you end up getting a lot more done and thinking about sex and women less.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bravenewworld said:


> Skimming this thread and all I can say is penis stretching and manscaping and weiner size talk! Oh my!
> 
> This AM I decided to confront swedish chef and I texted him saying I didn't appreciate the vanishing act after sex and that I felt used and hurt.
> 
> He immediately texts me back that he is so sorry and should have told me sooner but two days after we hooked up the kitchen manager of his restaurant DIED. Hit and run after work. Guy was only 22, few years out of culinary school. He texted me the obit the restaurant put together and said he'd been working nonstop because he was covering the shifts himself.
> 
> After that he apologized again and asked if he could take me out before I leave. He said he felt terrible and the last thing he would ever want is to hurt anyone's feelings and especially mine. On one hand, I'm glad I said something. On the other hand, I now feel like a huge douche. :slap:
> 
> AP - when you said give him the benefit of the doubt my cynical side was like "no way Jose." But now I realize you never know.....


Dont feel like a douche! You were perfectly in line to ask! I am glad that he had a valid reason, sad as that reason is.


----------



## unsure78

bravenewworld said:


> Skimming this thread and all I can say is penis stretching and manscaping and weiner size talk! Oh my!
> 
> This AM I decided to confront swedish chef and I texted him saying I didn't appreciate the vanishing act after sex and that I felt used and hurt.
> 
> He immediately texts me back that he is so sorry and should have told me sooner but two days after we hooked up the kitchen manager of his restaurant DIED. Hit and run after work. Guy was only 22, few years out of culinary school. He texted me the obit the restaurant put together and said he'd been working nonstop because he was covering the shifts himself.
> 
> After that he apologized again and asked if he could take me out before I leave. He said he felt terrible and the last thing he would ever want is to hurt anyone's feelings and especially mine. On one hand, I'm glad I said something. On the other hand, I now feel like a huge douche. :slap:
> 
> AP - when you said give him the benefit of the doubt my cynical side was like "no way Jose." But now I realize you never know.....


Brave proceede with caution. ..ive had a guy say the same thing to me before a whatever died. .. even got the obit... it didnt matter he still had lost interest beyond me pretty much being a booty call after that.... just take it with a grain... literally a text take 2 sec, all he had to do was tell you that before you confronted. ..be cautious..

And manscaping is a must!

Bandito you better not leave it was just getting fun ..lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Ladies and gentelman of the singles thread please repeat the mantra after me:

Actions not words
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

3Xnocharm said:


> Dont feel like a douche! You were perfectly in line to ask! I am glad that he had a valid reason, sad as that reason is.


Thanks 3X for saying that. Was feeling kind of guilty.



unsure78 said:


> Brave proceede with caution. ..ive had a guy say the same thing to me before a whatever died. .. even got the obit... it didnt matter he still had lost interest beyond me pretty much being a booty call after that.... just take it with a grain... *literally a text take 2 sec, all he had to do was tell you that before you confronted. ..be cautious..*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow really? That stinks. See, I would NEVER do something like that so of course I assume other people wouldn't either. I definitely think the bolded is a good point and will keep it in mind. 

He asked for a second chance and because of the circumstances I felt like it was worth it. However, my guard is definitely up more than before. Yellow light - proceed with caution. We'll see how I feel when I get back from my trip.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> First off, I'd hardly call 5" at the thinnest being "long and skinny". I taper from about 5" to 6" at the base. When I take a break from working on length I'll work on that taper some more and making everything 6".
> 
> What's the point? There doesn't have to be a reason. I don't over think this one, I just do it.... It doesn't make any more sense than bodybuilding, but it's not like a life style choice or an obsession with me. It was from the ages of 14-18, but then I moved on and got a life.
> 
> I kinda do it now as a way of keeping libido down, like the iron crotch practicing monks. You can't think about sex when you can't get an erection for a few days. So you end up getting a lot more done and thinking about sex and women less.



I'm sorry...but are you saying your penis is 5-6 inches WIDE?????

I don't understand how men "meausure" their penis lol. Length, around, across?? Is it like measuring a curling iron?? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> Ladies and gentelman of the singles thread please repeat the mantra after me:
> 
> Actions not words
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Actions always speak louder than words in my books. Why couldn't he tell you all this before he left??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I guess I'm disqualified because I'm not ever going to manscape again. I did that about a year and a half ago and it felt like my balls had been slathered with petroleum jelly. I walked around for three months with slick slippery balls. And here in the southwest in the summer you get sweaty slick slippery balls. 

I use to be afraid I was going to slide off my chair every time I sat down. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

familyfirst09 said:


> Actions always speak louder than words in my books. Why couldn't he tell you all this before he left??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I totally agree, but he did immediately apologize for not telling me sooner and said he felt like a jerk for hurting me. Do I forgive? Sure. Am I going to forget? Nope. 

Honestly, it's probably going to fizzle (He's not leaving, but I am for over 2 weeks, eternity in "just started dating" land) but I feel good at least I said what I needed to say.


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> I'm sorry...but are you saying your penis is 5-6 inches WIDE?????
> 
> I don't understand how men "meausure" their penis lol. Length, around, across?? Is it like measuring a curling iron??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No not wide, 5-6 inches in CIRCUMFERENCE. To give you an idea most toilet paper tubes are 5-5 1/2 inches in circumference.

You have to use a tape measurer for circumference, and you usually measure in a few different spots like just behind the head, middle, and the base. Length is measured with a ruler on top just off to the side of the penis and pressed into the pubic bone. Any other way like measuring from underneath is cheating, because the pubic bone turns down at an angle and deceptively measures his penis as about an inch to an inch and a half longer.


----------



## familyfirst09

bravenewworld said:


> I totally agree, but he did immediately apologize for not telling me sooner and said he felt like a jerk for hurting me. Do I forgive? Sure. Am I going to forget? Nope.
> 
> Honestly, it's probably going to fizzle (He's not leaving, but I am for over 2 weeks, eternity in "just started dating" land) but I feel good at least I said what I needed to say.


I think it's great you said what you were thinking. I've never been one to hold back, which may hurt when I start officially dating lol. But I am who I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> No not wide, 5-6 inches in CIRCUMFERENCE. To give you an idea most toilet paper tubes are 5-5 1/2 inches in circumference.
> 
> You have to use a tape measurer for circumference, and you usually measure in a few different spots like just behind the head, middle, and the base. Length is measured with a ruler on top just off to the side of the penis and pressed into the pubic bone. Any other way like measuring from underneath is cheating, because the pubic bone turns down at an angle and deceptively measures his penis as about an inch to an inch and a half longer.


Ok...ummm....thanks for clarifying....lol....i still don't think it's necessary. I'm sure you are fine just the way you are 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

bandit.45 said:


> I use to be afraid I was going to slide off my chair every time I sat down.


lol... my biggest problem wouldn't be sliding, it would be sticking to my thighs, like the way saran wrap clings to a plate.

Also biggest reason to not clearcut is trying to determine where to stop... a man certainly can't keep up with removing all his body hair, and going from forest to clearing can make for an obvious and unsightly transition.

I just use the clippers with a #2 guard most places.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> I guess I'm disqualified because I'm not ever going to manscape again. I did that about a year and a half ago and it felt like my balls had been slathered with petroleum jelly. I walked around for three months with slick slippery balls. And here in the southwest in the summer you get sweaty slick slippery balls.
> 
> I use to be afraid I was going to slide off my chair every time I sat down.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg I remember when you shaved your balls for gym girl.... that was hilarious when it was growing back....

Btw you can just keep it trim dont have to shave it all off... Lon has the right idea... no one of either sex likes a jungle down there...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I love how the crappy snow discussion turned into talk about penis's and manscaping 

Takes my mind off the @!!$#**$ snow shoveling I have to do in -20 degree windchills


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Omg I remember when you shaved your balls for gym girl.... that was hilarious when it was growing back....
> 
> Btw you can just keep it trim dont have to shave it all off... Lon has the right idea... no one of either sex likes a jungle down there...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's when they start itching...that's the worst.... Ugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Skimming this thread and all I can say is penis stretching and manscaping and weiner size talk! Oh my!
> 
> This AM I decided to confront swedish chef and I texted him saying I didn't appreciate the vanishing act after sex and that I felt used and hurt.
> 
> He immediately texts me back that he is so sorry and should have told me sooner but two days after we hooked up the kitchen manager of his restaurant DIED. Hit and run after work. Guy was only 22, few years out of culinary school. He texted me the obit the restaurant put together and said he'd been working nonstop because he was covering the shifts himself.
> 
> After that he apologized again and asked if he could take me out before I leave. He said he felt terrible and the last thing he would ever want is to hurt anyone's feelings and especially mine. On one hand, I'm glad I said something. On the other hand, I now feel like a huge douche. :slap:
> 
> AP - when you said give him the benefit of the doubt my cynical side was like "no way Jose." But now I realize you never know.....


It does sound fishy, But he inmediately texted you back which means he was interested.
Maybe he though having sex wasnt a big deal (he is dating you) and that you would understand.
Men accuse women of not being mind readers, but i swear some men are worse than we are at voicing their feelings or (lack of)...


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> It's when they start itching...that's the worst.... Ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think were sending you pics of goldbond for like a month. ..omg good times... well ok crappy times but awesome thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

ahhh Bandit's bald balls - great times


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I think were sending you pics of goldbond for like a month. ..omg good times... well ok crappy times but awesome thread
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lots of fun though. We needed levity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> ahhh Bandit's bald balls - great times


Like two little Patrick Stewarts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I love how the crappy snow discussion turned into talk about penis's and manscaping
> 
> Takes my mind off the @!!$#**$ snow shoveling I have to do in -20 degree windchills


So now when you're shoveling snow you'll be thinking about penises. 

You're welcome.:smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

I LOVED it when you shaved your balls, Bandit.

LOVED it.


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> I LOVED it when you shaved your balls, Bandit.
> 
> LOVED it.


Does your new bf manscape jpr?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Omg our highlight for the year of 2012 was bandits shaved balls..hahahahahhahahaah...im crying its so funny
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah it was a mistake. Big mistake. But funny.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Skimming this thread and all I can say is penis stretching and manscaping and weiner size talk! Oh my!
> 
> This AM I decided to confront swedish chef and I texted him saying I didn't appreciate the vanishing act after sex and that I felt used and hurt.
> 
> He immediately texts me back that he is so sorry and should have told me sooner but two days after we hooked up the kitchen manager of his restaurant DIED. Hit and run after work. Guy was only 22, few years out of culinary school. He texted me the obit the restaurant put together and said he'd been working nonstop because he was covering the shifts himself.
> 
> After that he apologized again and asked if he could take me out before I leave. He said he felt terrible and the last thing he would ever want is to hurt anyone's feelings and especially mine. On one hand, I'm glad I said something. On the other hand, I now feel like a huge douche. :slap:
> 
> AP - when you said give him the benefit of the doubt my cynical side was like "no way Jose." But now I realize you never know.....


Yep see you never know  
You know what I would do? Just something anything nice and thoughtful for him, us guys have feelings too. Make sure it isn't intruding on his space though cause it sounds like he has a lot on his plate.


----------



## jpr

bandit.45 said:


> Does your new bf manscape jpr?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. Not a whole lot. 

Once in a while he will sort of trim it up with scissors.

I don't mind, actually. It isn't outrageously curly or out of control.

He doesn't have a whole lot of body hair.


... I probably have more body hair than he does. .......but, I take care of it.


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> No. Not a whole lot.
> 
> Once in a while he will sort of trim it up with scissors.
> 
> I don't mind, actually. It isn't outrageously curly or out of control.
> 
> He doesn't have a whole lot of body hair.
> 
> 
> ... I probably have more body hair than he does. .......but, I take care of it.


He's lucky. I'm a rug.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Yep see you never know
> You know what I would do? Just something anything nice and thoughtful for him, us guys have feelings too. Make sure it isn't intruding on his space though cause it sounds like he has a lot on his plate.


You my dear Another have too much trust in what people tell you... he could totally bull sh1tting her... she need to see what happens first how he really acts.. he had two days before that guy died with just a "hey" text... sorry but the day after you sleep with a girl you should be in contact more than "hey"

Now we return to balls....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I agree...it only takes 10 second to send a text. He could have just texted her to tell her that he would be off the grid for a while due an emergency at work.

He slept with her---and then left her hanging. Not cool. ...even under the circumstances.


----------



## bandit.45

The messed up thing was, above my waist I have hair like a Kodiak Then I'd have this shaved bald patch around my nads.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So now when you're shoveling snow you'll be thinking about penises.
> 
> You're welcome.:smthumbup:


Yeah someone with a penis to shovel my driveway!! Lol


----------



## jpr

Hahahaahaah...the visual, bandit.

Hahahaaa. It is like a bald eagle.

Hahahahaha.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> *You my dear Another have too much trust in what people tell you*... he could totally bull sh1tting her... she need to see what happens first how he really acts.. he had two days before that guy died with just a "hey" text... sorry but the day after you sleep with a girl you should be in contact more than "hey"
> 
> Now we return to balls....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do. And you know what I kind of like that about me. I trust you unsure 

I trim to 1/8"-1/4" around and razor the bits and pieces. Nice and smooth. Why would I want a girl to stop to pick a hair out of her mouth? Exgf Brazilianed and exwife trimmed, I don't want to part the hair to have to find the goods. 
Plus it is just basic personal hygiene to me. Everything is just cleaner...personal preferences I guess.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah someone with a penis to shovel my driveway!! Lol


I'll bet you a high school boy would do it for like $10. $5 if you show him your boobs.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I do. And you know what I kind of like that about me. I trust you unsure
> 
> I trim to 1/8"-1/4" around and razor the bits and pieces. Nice and smooth. Why would I want a girl to stop to pick a hair out of her mouth? Exgf Brazilianed and exwife trimmed, I don't want to part the hair to have to find the goods.
> Plus it is just basic personal hygiene to me. Everything is just cleaner...personal preferences I guess.


Lol.. I actually get that a lot irl... I have heard that I apparently come off very trustworthy,genuine, and honest. ..bwahahahahaahahaha world domination


Hahahahah bald eagle that cracked me up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> The messed up thing was, above my waist I have hair like a Kodiak Then I'd have this shaved bald patch around my nads.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's what I mean! Awkward looking transition...


----------



## Another Planet

I let people show me who they are and I adjust the interaction accordingly, I wouldn't want to miss out on experiencing a positive benefit about someone just because they have a negative glitch in life. 
Reinforce the positives don't focus on the negatives, or at least I try to. I don't know I have a lot of awesome people in my life and I have a lot of awesome experiences living this way and I am not going to die unhappy.


----------



## bandit.45

I love a woman who waxes down there. Taint nuthin better. Mmmmmm. 

I'm hungry now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

http://www.amazon.com/Veet-Hair-Removal-Creme-200ml/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK

Since you guys are talking manscape, balls and what not...read the first review, I was in tears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I had a friend who tried Nair on his nads. You can imagine what happened next.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I wish waxing wasnt so expensive. ....it costs a lot of $$$


----------



## Nsweet

I've used nair down there. You really have to watch the clock with that stuff or you will get serious chemical burns.


----------



## bandit.45

lisab0105 said:


> http://www.amazon.com/Veet-Hair-Removal-Creme-200ml/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK
> 
> Since you guys are talking manscape, balls and what not...read the first review, I was in tears.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh that was awesome. I laughed so hard I almost coughed up a lung.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I wish waxing wasnt so expensive. ....it costs a lot of $$$


But so worth it!


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> I wish waxing wasnt so expensive. ....it costs a lot of $$$


Yeah, but it something any man would generously pay you to get done. 

Here's $60 for the waxing, and $100 to spend on yourself.


----------



## jpr

I actually don't mind the actual waxing...and I like how it feels afterwards. It really doesn't hurt. But, it costs $75 with a tip. Yikes. That is a lot of money.


----------



## unsure78

Yea its expensive but I do like the effect. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> But so worth it!





jpr said:


> I actually don't mind the actual waxing...and I like how it feels afterwards. It really doesn't hurt. But, it costs $75 with a tip. Yikes. That is a lot of money.





unsure78 said:


> Yea its expensive but I do like the effect. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yow! ladies of TAM are puuurfect


----------



## familyfirst09

bandit.45 said:


> It's when they start itching...that's the worst.... Ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey, men aren't the only one with that problem yanno. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> I actually don't mind the actual waxing...and I like how it feels afterwards. It really doesn't hurt. But, it costs $75 with a tip. Yikes. That is a lot of money.


Whatever, take $200 then. You're worth it.:smthumbup:

This is one of those expenses that pays off in the end. Waxing and the salon... If it makes her feel pretty then your relationship is going to be better than if you scruged out on her. 



unsure78 said:


> Yea its expensive but I do like the effect. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So let me ask you ladies something. If you dated a really hairy guy..... Would you make him wax too?


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Whatever, take $200 then. You're worth it.:smthumbup:
> 
> This is one of those expenses that pays off in the end. Waxing and the salon... If it makes her feel pretty then your relationship is going to be better than if you scruged out on her.
> 
> 
> So let me ask you ladies something. If you dated a really hairy guy..... Would you make him wax too?


If he was really hairy, then you would know before dating so no I wouldn't make him wax/shave after I started dating him. Just like I wouldn't want you to grow your penis any larger!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Hey, did you guys know that real light trail of peach fuzz a woman has down her stomach has a name? Oh yeah, it's there but it's nearly invisible to the naked eye. They call it *"the pathway to paradise"*.

The same course black hairs a man has going down from his chest hair to his pubic hair.... Is called *"the trail of tears"*.:rofl:

Just an old joke of mine.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> http://www.amazon.com/Veet-Hair-Removal-Creme-200ml/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK
> 
> Since you guys are talking manscape, balls and what not...read the first review, I was in tears.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for this, Liisa I had not read funny reviews like that in SO long!

The rastafarian guy was so funny:

_After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. _

and this: 

_Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)_

:rofl: :rofl: :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Yea its expensive but I do like the effect. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So do I...

So do I...:FIREdevil:


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> If he was really hairy, then you would know before dating so no I wouldn't make him wax/shave after I started dating him. *Just like I wouldn't want you to grow your penis any larger!!!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's MY BODY!!!!!:rofl:


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Hey, did you guys know that real light trail of peach fuzz a woman has down her stomach has a name? Oh yeah, it's there but it's nearly invisible to the naked eye. They call it *"the pathway to paradise"*.
> 
> The same course black hairs a man has going down from his chest hair to his pubic hair.... Is called *"the trail of tears"*.:rofl:
> 
> Just an old joke of mine.


Those little hairs between the belly button and a man's...ahem...hair line, I call it a treasure line...fav part on the male body 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> It's MY BODY!!!!!:rofl:


Lol!!! Well that's a good thing cause when you break it off with that stupid kettle bell it ain't gonna be anyone's else's either!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Whatever, take $200 then. You're worth it.:smthumbup:
> 
> This is one of those expenses that pays off in the end. Waxing and the salon... If it makes her feel pretty then your relationship is going to be better than if you scruged out on her.
> 
> 
> So let me ask you ladies something. If you dated a really hairy guy..... Would you make him wax too?


I love a man with a hairy chest. Not like King Kong, of course, but I find it really sexy.

I am not into the manscape look at all. I don't want to see a dude bald there. The hair is masculine to me and I like it. I like it!

As for me, I once went completely bald and never did that again. I like a little personality there. Not Amazonian of course, as keeping it trim is paramount, but like a little icing on top. 

Pubic hair can be sexy.


----------



## Another Planet

Happy trail is what the girls always called mine...
But now as I have aged it now connects to my chest hair which is now connected to my neck and face hair somehow.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Happy trail is what the girls always called mine...
> But now as I have aged it now connects to my chest hair which is now connected to my neck and face hair somehow.


It definitely makes me happy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Those little hairs between the belly button and a man's...ahem...hair line, I call it a treasure line...fav part on the male body
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's cause it leads to the "happy" place. I admit, it is incredibly sexy. I love love love hair on a man. HOT.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> Those little hairs between the belly button and a man's...ahem...hair line, I call it a treasure line...fav part on the male body
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its always been treasure trail for me!  Someone recently called the line from the chest to the navel the happy trail, I never knew that one had a name!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Lol!!! Well that's a good thing cause when you break it off with that stupid kettle bell it ain't gonna be anyone's else's either!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I spit out my drink reading this....got all over my phone!!! Ha ha ha ha ff I love your humor


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> I spit out my drink reading this....got all over my phone!!! Ha ha ha ha ff I love your humor



Lanie is a bad influence I tell ya!
How you doing Vi??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> Lol!!! Well that's a good thing cause when you break it off with that stupid kettle bell it ain't gonna be anyone's else's either!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's never going t break off! The ligaments there a so strong that you could hang with all your body weight and then some. I've seen Jui Jui Qui Gong guys swinging 150lbs, not to mention pulling vans, buses, trains, and airplanes together. 

You do have to spread the pressure evenly with whatever device around the penis and not with some thin cord like a noose that would cause a lot of damage, but when done right it's actually very comfortable. If it was painful I wouldn't be doing it for this long.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> It's never going t break off! The ligaments there a so strong that you could hang with all your body weight and then some. I've seen Jui Jui Qui Gong guys swinging 150lbs, not to mention pulling vans, buses, trains, and airplanes together.
> 
> You do have to spread the pressure evenly with whatever device around the penis and not with some thin cord like a noose that would cause a lot of damage, but when done right it's actually very comfortable. If it was painful I wouldn't be doing it for this long.


K what are you doing watching men pull vans with their penis'? Thats the REAL question!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I love a man with a hairy chest. Not like King Kong, of course, but I find it really sexy.
> 
> I am not into the manscape look at all. I don't want to see a dude bald there. The hair is masculine to me and I like it. I like it!
> 
> As for me, I once went completely bald and never did that again. I like a little personality there. Not Amazonian of course, as keeping it trip is paramount, but like a little icing on top.
> 
> Pubic hair can be sexy.


That's why I only shave the balls and a little around the penis and off to the sides. I don't like the creeping hairs I have, but not about to shave off everything and look 12yo again. If I had the money I would get lasered and keep everything looking clean down there from now on.


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> K what are you doing watching men pull vans with their penis'? Thats the REAL question!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pledging for a fraternity, what else?


----------



## familyfirst09

You crazy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

So what do you say to an obviously desperate, recently widowed mother of 2, one of which is a 1yr old, that keeps making sexually advancing comments towards you? Oh and brand new on Match so barely knows how it works around there. 
Especially for a person such as I that tends to get into codependent relationships? 
I am totally cool with single parents, I just don't think I could do a 1yr old again, she seems to be looking for a replacement daddy and then theres that...yeah widow 0_o I am not emotionally stable enough myself.

All I can think of is be completely honest to her but that sounds so rough :/

The 1yr old is not making sexual advances towards me by the way lol. I couldn't word that correctly...15 hour day kinda tired


----------



## Nsweet

She's looking for a baby daddy.

I had something similar happen when I was on a dating site, only it was a divorced mother of 3 asking me all these personal questions.


----------



## vi_bride04

Trust yourself, AP

(pssssstt...is it a Fvck Yes?.)


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Trust yourself, AP
> 
> (pssssstt...is it a Fvck Yes?.)


Oh I'd fck the **** out of her but I don't think I would get into a relationship with her, although her personality is REALLY cool, way cooler then bleacher. Totally clicked quick.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Trust yourself, AP
> 
> (*pssssstt...is it a Fvck Yes?.*)


The way to determine everything. 

Golden Rule.

AP - It's better to be honest instead of lying to people or leading them on. You aren't into her. You know that. So don't even start another text relationship. My bet is you haven't even ended the other one with Bleacher yet. If I am right, you owe me a beer.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Lanie is a bad influence I tell ya!
> How you doing Vi??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doing good...realizing I have alot more time on my hands without my dobie around. One dog is so much easier...

Oh and disc golf hat who I have been chatting with and have a date scheduled for Sat can cook!!! We have food sexting....no, not food on private parts lol - just sending pics of each others creations we make in the kitchen. Fun to talk to. 

How 'bout you FF??


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Doing good...realizing I have alot more time on my hands without my dobie around. One dog is so much easier...
> 
> Oh and disc golf hat who I have been chatting with and have a date scheduled for Sat can cook!!! We have food sexting....no, not food on private parts lol - *just sending pics of each others creations we make in the kitchen*. Fun to talk to.
> 
> How 'bout you FF??


I could have done that with you wth?!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> It's never going t break off! The ligaments there a so strong that you could hang with all your body weight and then some. I've seen Jui Jui Qui Gong guys swinging 150lbs, not to mention pulling vans, buses, trains, and airplanes together.
> 
> You do have to spread the pressure evenly with whatever device around the penis and not with some thin cord like a noose that would cause a lot of damage, but when done right it's actually very comfortable. If it was painful I wouldn't be doing it for this long.


Darwin award a few years ago went to a guy that suspended himself from his penis, the ligaments didn't have the structural integrity and tore out completely past the prostate, they figure he bled out in less than a minute.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> The way to determine everything.
> 
> Golden Rule.
> 
> AP - It's better to be honest instead of lying to people or leading them on. You aren't into her. You know that. So don't even start another text relationship. My bet is you haven't even ended the other one with Bleacher yet. If I am right, you owe me a beer.


I have not.....
I would totally buy you a beer anyway Jelly 
And yes that is why I asked, not to sure what happened she kind of grabbed a hold quicker then I could pay attention to what she was doing.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> Darwin award a few years ago went to a guy that suspended himself from his penis, the ligaments didn't have the structural integrity and tore out completely past the prostate, they figure he bled out in less than a minute.


I never said it was a good idea, only that it was possible. You can also hang from your neck for a short period of time before death but doesn't mean you should try it out. 

You could also make an argument for that episode of "1,000 Ways To Die" where that guy in the 80s died from a blood clot from tying a kielbasa stuffed condom around his penis while he danced for over 4 hours. You'd never catch me doing anything that dangerous.... Necrosis and all.

I know you're trying to be a smart ass, yet again, but your talking to someone with a lot of experience here. I know what I'm doing and take every precaution to stay safe.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I have not.....
> I would totally buy you a beer anyway Jelly
> And yes that is why I asked, not to sure what happened she kind of grabbed a hold quicker then I could pay attention to what she was doing.


If you're not into her situation that is understandable; although don't discount her because of the widow part. Going through that makes someone incredibly strong. The 1 year old can be a challenge...but those things really shouldn't matter if there is a connection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I could have done that with you wth?!


We could have went to the auto show too


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> We could have went to the auto show too


Lol  yes I know.....I'm a flake and I work to much what can I say!!!.....next time! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LBHmidwest

Lon said:


> Huh? What is 100% functional? And why do you want every woman on TAM to know it?
> 
> And manscaping is simply the grooming of body hair, some guys do none, and many guys do some, to varying extents.


humor

someone sensitive?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Lol  yes I know.....I'm a flake and I work to much what can I say!!!.....next time!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha I know, I'm pretty sure we got a sh!tton of snow that whole [email protected] week...this winter has been brutal

I thought I read we are now 3" away from having the snowiest winter in 133 years


----------



## LBHmidwest

Lon said:


> Huh? What is 100% functional? And why do you want every woman on TAM to know it?
> 
> And manscaping is simply the grooming of body hair, some guys do none, and many guys do some, to varying extents.


humor

someone sensitive?


----------



## vi_bride04

http://www.freep.com/article/201403...-snowfall-record-metro-detroit-not-far-behind


----------



## Nsweet

35lbs for 9 minutes. NEW RECORD!:smthumbup:

Bruised as all hell!!!!!

Thank god I got a jar of ozonated olive oil in the fridge. I'll be completely healed in just a few short days. After that I can take it down a notch for a few weeks and then start back up.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Page 666. I'm leaving now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> So what do you say to an obviously desperate, recently widowed mother of 2, one of which is a 1yr old, that keeps making sexually advancing comments towards you? Oh and brand new on Match so barely knows how it works around there.
> Especially for a person such as I that tends to get into codependent relationships?
> I am totally cool with single parents, I just don't think I could do a 1yr old again, she seems to be looking for a replacement daddy and then theres that...yeah widow 0_o I am not emotionally stable enough myself.
> 
> All I can think of is be completely honest to her but that sounds so rough :/


I think honesty as long as it is done with kindness is the best way to go. AP you are really cool and chill - I'm sure you can express in a considerate way that you're looking for a relationship that develops naturally at a slower pace. Also I think it's fair to tell her you're looking for someone where the primary relationship would involve each other and only include discussions of blending families if it became very serious. As in like - potential engagement. 

After posting on TAM and talking with some friends over dinner I sat down and thought about what I really wanted to do regarding the swedish chef situation. And I realized I truly felt in my gut his date invite that arrived only after I questioned his Houdini post-sex disappearing act did not feel genuine. It felt like him trying to be a "nice guy." 

I also realized I genuinely felt a connection toward him and did not want to put myself in a position to get hurt, especially when it seemed like getting hurt would be the most likely outcome. He's still talking about his ex like he was in a war zone. I am SO not in that place anymore. So much of life is timing and while I think we have great chemistry, the timing stinks.

I texted him that I was sorry but didn't want to see him anymore. I explained I didn't want to get hurt and wished him the best. He replied that he understood. All in all a good outcome. 

I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders! :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



TheGoodGuy said:


> Page 666. I'm leaving now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah right....you'll be back for the shenanigans


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm still cringing and want to change the subject. Honest, what any man has is enough. Foreplay is the key, not size.


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm still cringing and want to change the subject. Honest, what any man has is enough. Foreplay is the key, not size.


Exactly!:smthumbup:

Foreplay is more important than size, but both are very important. So is the angle of penetration and knowing what the hell you're doing with what you've got... You've got be careful and pay attention to her the entire time.


----------



## familyfirst09

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm still cringing and want to change the subject. Honest, what any man has is enough. Foreplay is the key, not size.



Agreed...if I met a man and found out he was doing this, I would run and run fast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> And I realized I truly felt in my gut his date invite that arrived only after I questioned his Houdini post-sex disappearing act did not feel genuine. It felt like him trying to be a "nice guy."


I am confused. Did he contact you post-sex for a date or not? I thought he didn't? 



bravenewworld said:


> I also realized I genuinely felt a connection toward him and did not want to put myself in a position to get hurt, *especially when it seemed like getting hurt would be the most likely outcome*.


How did you figure that? Was that your gut? What made you feel like you'd be hurt?



bravenewworld said:


> He's still talking about his ex like he was in a war zone. I am SO not in that place anymore. So much of life is timing and while I think we have great chemistry, the timing stinks.


Ugh, that sucks. He probably isn't over her and you are probably miles away from that. Timing really is everything. I want to hug you.



bravenewworld said:


> I texted him that I was sorry but didn't want to see him anymore. I explained I didn't want to get hurt and wished him the best. He replied that he understood. All in all a good outcome.
> 
> I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders! :smthumbup:


I am so glad you did that.  Good for you!

And my bet is, this isn't the last you will hear of him. He will hit you up in about two months from now. For some reason, they always pop back up. Hell,Mr. Ex Jelly even wants to see me this weekend and invited me out.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I thought I read we are now 3" away from having the snowiest winter in 133 years


I hate the cold/snow so I sympathize, sister. That is awful. Here is hoping to sunnier/warmer days for you, Vi.


----------



## Nsweet

Oh yeah, sure.... You women are all strong and quick to announce your breakups in foresight. Bravo! You're about as accurate as a paper fortune teller. 

If that's the worst you've got, you're just splitting hairs here. You want a man to love, honor, and obey you and not cheat.... What else could you ask for? He's not sticking it in any other man or woman. Let do whatever he wants with his own penis. It that involves hanging weights, so long as he doesn't break it.... What's the issue? 

Nothing! Exactly.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Oh yeah, sure.... You women are all strong and quick to announce your breakups in foresight. Bravo! You're about as accurate as a paper fortune teller.


Huh?

Wait a minute, are you putting weights on your penis? Is that what the kettle ball thing is? I glanced over that part of the converation cause I don't understand it. Is it an erotic thing for some men? Or is it for strength? Truly I've never head of this before.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Huh?
> 
> Wait a minute, are you putting weights on your penis? Is that what the kettle ball thing is? I glanced over that part of the converation cause I don't understand it. Is it an erotic thing for some men? Or is it for strength? Truly I've never head of this before.


I believe I explained it pretty well yesterday. 

No it's not erotic or for strength, it's for length. Blah blah blah.... I've got over 12 years of experience doing it. No body dimorphia issues or penis insecurities, nothing like that. It's something I do for me and to help others. 

Yesterday was the 10th week and I'm kinda needing a break, so I will take it easy for a couple weeks and then switch up to something easier and go forth with that and do something else.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I thought it was to lengthen it. Really, the extra half inch doesn't make ANY difference unless it's only 2" hard to start with. Honest. Anything over 4 will get the job done if everything else is great.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I believe I explained it pretty well yesterday.
> 
> No it's not erotic or for strength, it's for length. Blah blah blah...


Sorry. I didn't read all the comments as it sounded so weird to me. Thanks for explaining. It sounds dangerous. And painful.

Also, I didn't think a penis could be lengthened (w/o an erection).


----------



## Another Planet

lol this conversation is still going on?
Or am I dreaming about it cause I am so tired...I need some sleep.


----------



## Nsweet

Well Jellybeans I Didn't Make Him For You - YouTube

Also, yes. It is a secret very few people know, but so few guys are crazy enough to try it that I could shout it from the roof tops and it would still be considered a myth.


----------



## Jellybeans

I really think that is nuts, Nsweet. I know you are a young buck, but please, take care of your penis. Don't abuse it.

LOL, AP.


----------



## unsure78

EnjoliWoman said:


> I thought it was to lengthen it. Really, the extra half inch doesn't make ANY difference unless it's only 2" hard to start with. Honest. Anything over 4 will get the job done if everything else is great.


4 really? ... i got to disagree with that... my exh was small like that, and i was like is it in yet? more than a few times... I say anything 6ish or over is cool, though yesssss knowing how to use it is important, they cant rest on just having a big d1ck!


----------



## jpr

I dated someine last year who was quite small. ....and my current bf is quite large. 

The small one knew he was small, and he did a lot to try to make up for that. So I really was never unsatisfied.

At first, my current bf was a bit of a disappointment because he is so used to girls going "gaga" over his size. I admit....at first I did go gaga...I felt like a kid unwrapping a golden ticket in Willy Wonka every time I unzipped his pants.

But after a while, it sort of lost its novelty...and I had to get him to understand that I needed more.

Noe, though, it is amazing....but it is not because of his size or any sorts of fancy moves. It is because of a connection between us....the electricty...the sparks...that fact that we love each other in our entirety...the fact that I am comfortable with him....

I think you can have all that with a small member. I dont think ....ultimately....the size matters all that much.


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> I admit....at first I did go gaga...I felt like a kid unwrapping a golden ticket in Willy Wonka every time I unzipped his pants.


Haha. Love this! :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

All this c0ck talk is really doing wonders for my self esteem. Think I'll mozey over to CWI to cheer up.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> 4 really?


Really.

There's been medical studies to prove it. None of a girl's tingly bits are farther in than about 4" or so. Once a guy hits the average length of about 5 inches and change, the extra length itself doesn't add much more sensation to the experience.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I really think that is nuts, Nsweet. I know you are a young buck, but please, take care of your penis. Don't abuse it.
> 
> LOL, AP.


Ok, Mom.


----------



## Another Planet

I am sure having at least a medium sized tool helps but yeah it's definitely more important to have that electricity. I have said screw this and quit because it was just not fun. It's all the same...maybe that's why I don't really give a **** if I am getting some right now, I don't really want any blah sex risking possibly getting pregnant or get an STD 0_0 fck that shiat!!! 
Sloppy drunk sex with some random ****ty girl at the bar sooo does not make a positive impression on me... 
I want that good stuff and I'll hold out for it!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> All this c0ck talk is really doing wonders for my self esteem. Think I'll mozey over to CWI to cheer up.


I remember that you were sixish bandito...


omg i remember Bandits penis size for like two years ago.... wow ive been around this place waaaaaay to long...


----------



## Nsweet

​


unsure78 said:


> 4 really? ... i got to disagree with that... my exh was small like that, and i was like is it in yet? more than a few times... I say anything 6ish or over is cool, though yesssss knowing how to use it is important, they cant rest on just having a big d1ck!


Good luck trying to convince them that bigger can be so much better. I don't think the women will listen to you.... It's a shame.


----------



## Another Planet

I want that sex that makes your body tremble before it even starts 
When I am sore the next day I know it was good sex the night before, if she needs help getting out of the car I know I did my job


----------



## lisab0105

Pb is right, length doesn't much matter. It is really all about girth and even more importantly...a very pronounced head. :smthumbup:

I am not a fan of having my cervix stabbed to death anyway and it is absolutely painful when that happens close to a certain time of the month.


----------



## jpr

If the lady is sore the next day, then you are not doing it right.


Lubrication....important.


Banging is not all the fullfilling....the type of sex when you just bang and bang and bang is cool and exciting, but gets boring after a while.


I think.


----------



## unsure78

Pbartender said:


> Really.
> 
> There's been medical studies to prove it. None of a girl's tingly bits are farther in than about 4" or so. Once a guy hits the average length of about 5 inches and change, the extra length itself doesn't add much more sensation to the experience.


Sorry im a girl and it makes a difference(being honest here).... and the length of a woman vaj jay can significantly increase during sex ..... though i guess i should mention i was told by a dr once during an exam that have a long canal and i would make a big man happy someday ( seriously cant make this crap up)...lol.. so maybe that changes my perception a bit 

In any guy I have ever been with i have been able to take them balls deep, i have even had guy comment that I was the first girl they didn't "bottom out on".. the ONLY exception was the niner... in some positions i couldn't take him all


----------



## FeministInPink

jpr said:


> If the lady is sore the next day, then you are not doing it right.
> 
> 
> Lubrication....important.
> 
> 
> Banging is not all the fullfilling....the type of sex when you just bang and bang and bang is cool and exciting, but gets boring after a while.
> 
> 
> I think.


I took that to mean not that the girl is chaffed or raw or whatever, but that other body muscles may have been stretched and exercised in a way they haven't been in a while.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> Pb is right, length doesn't much matter. It is really all about girth and even more importantly...a very pronounced head.


----------



## jpr

Mmmmm...pronounced head.


----------



## Nsweet

By any chance do you ladies know the circumference of your wrist?

I know of men who are 6", 7", even 8" around. No sh!t.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> If the lady is sore the next day, then you are not doing it right.
> 
> 
> Lubrication....important.
> 
> 
> Banging is not all the fullfilling....the type of sex when you just bang and bang and bang is cool and exciting, but gets boring after a while.
> 
> 
> I think.


That's not what I am talking about but that is ok. Actually that's the exact sex I am talking about stopping cause I am bored.

When a woman is not use to actually getting it and being satisfied it is easy to make her sore. 
Or maybe you are right, maybe I have been doing it wrong this whole time


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I took that to mean not that the girl is chaffed or raw or whatever, but that other body muscles may have been stretched and exercised in a way they haven't been in a while.


Zactly!!!


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> ​Good luck trying to convince them that bigger can be so much better. I don't think the women will listen to you.... It's a shame.


So odd...for years and years men have been trying to convince women that size does not matter...now apparently it does lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> I want that sex that makes your body tremble before it even starts
> When I am sore the next day I know it was good sex the night before, if she needs help getting out of the car I know I did my job



I really like how you think!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Ok, Mom.


Hey, the women you are involved with sexually will thank me. I am telling you for your own good. 



unsure78 said:


> I remember that you were sixish bandito...
> 
> omg i remember Bandits penis size for like two years ago.... wow ive been around this place waaaaaay to long...


Hahaha. Unsure, you probably have a TAM chart of sizes!



Another Planet said:


> I want that sex that makes your body tremble before it even starts


Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!



jpr said:


> Mmmmm...pronounced head.


Right?! The mind... it wanders to fun places. Hehehehe.

Men: is too wet a bad thing? Like say you are making out with a woman, she is super turned on and your fingers go there and well she is a sopping wet mess. Is that too much or good?


----------



## familyfirst09

lisab0105 said:


> Pb is right, length doesn't much matter. It is really all about girth and even more importantly...a very pronounced head. :smthumbup:
> 
> I am not a fan of having my cervix stabbed to death anyway and it is absolutely painful when that happens close to a certain time of the month.


It also makes a big difference if you have never given birth to a child, so my doctor tells me. I did not give birth to my daughter so my cervix is not open like those who have. Makes a big difference apparently. My ex was a large indeed, too bad he didn't know how to use it lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Men: is too wet a bad thing? Like say you are making out with a woman, she is super turned on and your fingers go there and well she is a sopping wet mess. Is that too much or good?


No, not in my experience anyway. The wetter the better...well except to much fake lube...but then again sometimes that is fun too...no I take that back, to much fake lube can be fun too 
Jeesh you guys are getting my mind going, now I  am completely distracted from my paperwork.....
OK now I want a GF again :/


----------



## lisab0105

familyfirst09 said:


> It also makes a big difference if you have never given birth to a child, so my doctor tells me. I did not give birth to my daughter so my cervix is not open like those who have. Makes a big difference apparently. My ex was a large indeed, too bad he didn't know how to use it lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


C-Sections for me too. I have heard of women having to tighten it up surgically after they were done having kids. I had two 10lbers. It would be like the screwing the Holland tunnel if I had squeezed them outta there. 

No thanks, I happily took the 2 week sore abdomen.


----------



## lisab0105

jpr said:


> Mmmmm...pronounced head.


The head/rim is what hits the good parts, the shaft is just the driver.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Men: is too wet a bad thing? Like say you are making out with a woman, she is super turned on and your fingers go there and well she is a sopping wet mess. Is that too much or good?


my exh (he was a total jacka$$) used to complain to me, i was too wet and it was my fault he couldn't get off, he couldn't feel anything .... i never complained to him once ever that his d1ck was to small... he would also complain that my stomach was too big and even i overheard him once complaining to his brother about some (minor) stretch marks I got on my boobs after having a kid (his kid mind you!)...

god he was such a jerk, cant believe i was with that for soooooo long (sorry off on a tangent)


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> my exh (he was a total jacka$$) used to complain to me, i was too wet and it was my fault he couldn't get off, he couldn't feel anything .... *i never complained to him once ever that his d1ck was to small...*


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

One of my besties just told me a dating story. She went to meet a guy for a second date and waited for an hour before he called and told her he'd decided to hang out with his buddies instead.

Wow.


----------



## Jellybeans

Totally. I wanted to strangle him for her.

Just goes to show. So much games are played in dating.


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> One of my besties just told me a dating story. She went to meet a guy for a second date and waited for an hour before he called and told her he'd decided to hang out with his buddies instead.
> 
> Wow.


She waited an hour? I hope he was supposed to pick her up and she wasn't sitting in a restaurant or something all that time!

Crazy!


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> She waited an hour? I hope he was supposed to pick her up and she wasn't sitting in a restaurant or something all that time!
> 
> Crazy!


Right? I would have waited maybe 20 minutes and then bounced. They were meeting up someplace so she was waiting for him. Total jerk move.

I told her that if he resurfaces again to set up another date with him and leave him having. Do unto others.

This is what I am saying. Why can't people just be honest. "I don't want to go out with you again." "I don't feel a spark." "This isn't going to work for me." Before they do sh!t things like standing people or or not even bothering to respond to your text/call/blanking you. Grrr.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Right? I would have waited maybe 20 minutes and then bounced. They were meeting up someplace so she was waiting for him. Total jerk move.
> 
> I told her that if he resurfaces again to set up another date with him and leave him having. Do unto others.
> 
> This is what I am saying. Why can't people just be honest. "I don't want to go out with you again." "I don't feel a spark." "This isn't going to work for me." Before they do sh!t things like standing people or or not even bothering to respond to your text/call/blanking you. Grrr.


Or have her set him a date with you so you can go all wrath of Jelly payback on his ass!


----------



## Nsweet

That's why I think if you're going to call it off with someone of break up with them you should tell them exactly why you're leaving. 

Don't p*ssy out and leave them hurt and confused for a long time. You say "Look, I can't do this because...." and then you tell them "Hey, you're cling.... I'm scared of your entire family.... The sex with your sucks, and yes that is the reason.... I just don't feel anything when I'm with you....." 

The worst thing you can do is leave someone hanging or lie. At the very least it's a common courtesy, even though it may not feel right at the time you want to tell them the truth. I believe you breakup in a way that gets your point across without deeply scarring them. It's going to hurt, no doubt about that..... But when you hen your honest you can at least give them something to think about and work on for the next person.


----------



## Nsweet

You girls need to learn how to work your orbiters. 

You'll always have a back up date if you play it right.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> That's why I think if you're going to call it off with someone of break up with them you should tell them exactly why you're leaving.
> 
> *The worst thing you can do is leave someone hanging or lie.* At the very least it's a common courtesy, even though it may not feel right at the time you want to tell them the truth.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

It's also incredibly disrespectful to leave someone hanging. The worst ever. Because truly, if someone who you liked did this to you, you would HATE it. Do unto others and all that jazz.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> One of my besties just told me a dating story. She went to meet a guy for a second date and waited for an hour before he called and told her he'd decided to hang out with his buddies instead.
> 
> Wow.


What an @ssbag


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> Mmmmm...pronounced head.


I know thats what I pay attention to, definitely more than size.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> One of my besties just told me a dating story. She went to meet a guy for a second date and waited for an hour before he called and told her he'd decided to hang out with his buddies instead.
> 
> Wow.


This happened to my sister at least 3 times when she was on POF.

All with different guys.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yuck.  Sucks.

My buddy said one of her best friends hooked them up for dates. That he was one of the "greatest" guys she knew. Yeah right!


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> I am confused. Did he contact you post-sex for a date or not? I thought he didn't?
> 
> How did you figure that? Was that your gut? What made you feel like you'd be hurt?
> 
> Ugh, that sucks. He probably isn't over her and you are probably miles away from that. Timing really is everything. I want to hug you.
> 
> I am so glad you did that.  Good for you!
> 
> And my bet is, this isn't the last you will hear of him. He will hit you up in about two months from now. For some reason, they always pop back up. Hell,Mr. Ex Jelly even wants to see me this weekend and invited me out.


After I confronted him about the post sex radio silence is when he told me about his employee dying, and at that point he asked me out on a date. Now, I totally believe the employee died and it's super sad BUT post sex weirdness started before then. 

Exactly, my gut told me I was going to get hurt. I really liked him! With other guys I've dated it was easy to date casually and have sex because I could never imagine myself with them down the road. This guy was different. And he was upfront telling me he had no interest whatsoever in having a relationship. 

Thanks Jelly, ((hugs)) I totally agree - he isn't over her or the situation in general. I can't be mad because I've been there and I know what it feels like. Actually I still like him as a person and am not sorry for the experience. 

It's funny I got a similar feeling about hearing from him again - not because guys pop back up regularly (I don't have the Jellybeans sexy voodoo going on  ) but because we have season tickets to the same sports team - in nearby sections. Gah. 

Are you going out with Mr. Ex Jelly?? I really admire the fact you guys can talk. I haven't spoke to my ex husband for about a year as of next week.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> That's why I think if you're going to call it off with someone of break up with them you should tell them exactly why you're leaving.
> 
> Don't p*ssy out and leave them hurt and confused for a long time. You say "Look, I can't do this because...." and then you tell them "Hey, you're cling.... I'm scared of your entire family.... The sex with your sucks, and yes that is the reason.... I just don't feel anything when I'm with you....."
> 
> The worst thing you can do is leave someone hanging or lie. At the very least it's a common courtesy, even though it may not feel right at the time you want to tell them the truth. I believe you breakup in a way that gets your point across without deeply scarring them. It's going to hurt, no doubt about that..... But when you hen your honest you can at least give them something to think about and work on for the next person.


I totally agree with this but I think you have to phrase it in "I think" or "I feel" statements rather than "You are this" or "You are that." 

I guess for me a big part of honesty is owning that whatever you are saying is strictly your own opinion/perspective.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> I really liked him! With other guys I've dated it was easy to date casually and have sex because I could never imagine myself with them down the road. This guy was different. And he was upfront telling me he had no interest whatsoever in having a relationship.


Hmm... I wonder if that was part of the draw. That he didn't want to be in a relationship. Plus you felt chemistry with him. Grr. Don't ya just hate these things? Why did you think you would get hurt though? Did you think it was cause you could sense he wasn't over his ex? Or was it something else? 

Lol about the "Jelly voo doo." I still think it was good you told this guy you were not into it so you can protect yourself from any future hurt. You said you felt something was off before, too. What was that about? The gut is mysteriously right, isn't it? Gosh! 

I may see Mr. Ex Jelly after all.


----------



## Pbartender

unsure78 said:


> Sorry im a girl and it makes a difference(being honest here).... and the length of a woman vaj jay can significantly increase during sex .....


Of course it does. After all, it has to accommodate the passage of something roughly the size of a small cantaloupe during birth. Penises of any size shouldn't be too much trouble.

But, that wasn't the point. What the study found is that, on average, the nerve endings that give a woman pleasure during sex tend to be most highly concentrated in the first four inches of her vagina. So, once you get past four inches, the guy's not bumping into many happyfuntime spots anymore.

In other words, an average woman is designed to get pleasure out of sex from an average man.

That's not to say that a man with a big penis can't be a great lover, or that a man with an average penis is a better lover... Either can be good or bad, depending on his skills. It's just that once you get past a penis of average length, it's not the extra length that's making him good, it's probably something else.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> One of my besties just told me a dating story. She went to meet a guy for a second date and waited for an hour before he called and told her he'd decided to hang out with his buddies instead.
> 
> Wow.


I had something similar happen. A guy called and invited me to a concert he knew I really wanted to go to. I was super excited - showered, did my hair/makeup, put on a fancy dress. 

He never arrived to pick me up and it was getting late. I called him and he said "Oh, I decided not to go." 

He looks like Bradley Cooper and he has texted me several times to tell me I'm the only woman he's ever met who won't give him a second chance. Personally, I'd rather a Drew Carey type with follow through.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> He looks like Bradley Cooper and he has texted me several times to tell me* I'm only woman he's ever met who won't give him a second chance*.


Ha!!! In your face, a$$hole! Good for you!


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> Hmm... I wonder if that was part of the draw. That he didn't want to be in a relationship. Plus you felt chemistry with him. Grr. Don't ya just hate these things? Why did you think you would get hurt though? Did you think it was cause you could sense he wasn't over his ex? Or was it something else?
> 
> Lol about the "Jelly voo doo." I still think it was good you told this guy you were not into it so you can protect yourself from any future hurt. You said you felt something was off before, too. What was that about? The gut is mysteriously right, isn't it? Gosh!
> 
> I may see Mr. Ex Jelly after all.


I think you are right, it was part of the draw. It's like I pick people unsuitable for an LTR because deep down I am pretty sure I don't want one. At least for now. Also I've noticed I get into this habit of romantic entanglements right before I leave on a trip. Runaway bride (or runaway dater) syndrome I tell ya! 

It's funny regarding getting hurt, it was a total gut reaction - the same way I couldn't see myself with the other guys I dated, I couldn't see any outcome with swedish chef except getting hurt more than I cared too. I'm comfortable with the "disappointment hurt" I feel right now but I've only been separated a year and really don't feel like dealing with that "deep rejection hurt." My hurt locker doesn't have that much space! 

Interesting regarding Mr. Ex Jelly! How much time has passed since you last saw each other?


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> It's like I pick people unsuitable for an LTR because deep down I am pretty sure I don't want one. At least for now.


Hehe. Oh wow can I relate to this. I have been wondering for awhile now if _I_ am the one who is emotionally unavailable. Or maybe not. But I hear you, girl! Completely. 

It is so good though that you told him you were not going to pursue it further. GOOD. Boundaries. They are amazing, right?



bravenewworld said:


> It's funny regarding getting hurt, it was a total gut reaction


Sometimes we don't even understand the gut reaction or can even make sense of it but it's there for a very real reason. How many times has it been wrong, right? Hardly ever!

No doubt the chef is still probably reeling from his break up. Timing is a b!tch, ain't it? 



bravenewworld said:


> My hurt locker doesn't have that much space!


Aww. Hugs.












bravenewworld said:


> Interesting regarding Mr. Ex Jelly! How much time has passed since you last saw each other?


We saw eachother a few months ago in public passing, he was far off in the distance. Lol. But to sit down and talk, it's been awhile. We do periodically send some "What's up's" to eachother and say hi. We last spoke wishing eachother a happy new year and holidays before this.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

unsure78 said:


> 4 really? ... i got to disagree with that... my exh was small like that, and i was like is it in yet? more than a few times... I say anything 6ish or over is cool, though yesssss knowing how to use it is important, they cant rest on just having a big d1ck!


For me, much more than 5 begins to hurt if the thrusting is hard - I've had a bruised cervix before and that is NOT fun at all! I think a little girth is more satisfying, but I've never been with anyone that size matters and although I can still count all of my partners on two hands, they've been everything from shorter like 4" and average thickness to longer and skinny to bigger and longer up to 7 and honestly the 7" is really just too much. 

I'm 5'7" so I don't think my vagina is terribly short and I've given birth so I don't think it's unusually small, but the average size is really the best sex so far. Yes, the connection, foreplay, etc is all important, knowing what to do with what you have - take all of that out of the equation and 5" and average girth is perfect.

My ex used to keep getting my to try this huge dildo he got and it would piss me off - he didn't understand that bigger is NOT better and that being in pain is NOT a turn on for me. I hated it - I don't know WHAT he was thinking. Too many fisting pornos?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Pbartender said:


> Of course it does. After all, it has to accommodate the passage of something roughly the size of a small cantaloupe during birth. Penises of any size shouldn't be too much trouble.
> 
> But, that wasn't the point. What the study found is that, on average, the nerve endings that give a woman pleasure during sex tend to be most highly concentrated in the first four inches of her vagina. So, once you get past four inches, the guy's not bumping into many happyfuntime spots anymore.
> 
> In other words, an average woman is designed to get pleasure out of sex from an average man.
> 
> That's not to say that a man with a big penis can't be a great lover, or that a man with an average penis is a better lover... Either can be good or bad, depending on his skills. It's just that once you get past a penis of average length, it's not the extra length that's making him good, it's probably something else.


I think you are forgetting about the other physical sensations that are going on, after all would you rather have a physician with narrow fingers or thicker ones when you are getting your prostate checked?

Size can makes a difference (not necessarily better or worse), it is not just about frictionizing one spot of flesh.


----------



## ne9907

I need advice in wording a strong email regarding finantial responsibility.

First off, I feel sick, i think I am about to throw up. I feel so sad as well.

I just received an email from ex in which he is asking permission to sell our stock. It is not a lot of stock. I dont care, he can sell it. I do not want it.

Background, After our separation, he spent about 12K in a spam of 2 months. THen he spent all 7K in one month, he also spent his 401K, not sure how much that was in less than one month as well.

he wrote me the email to say, he is once again running out of money. Mind you, the largest bill we had was my car and I am paying for that!

He does pay the mortgage (about 400 dls a month).

I was always the responsible one, he would get upset at me and accuse me of being money hungry. 

I want to write him an email back, telling him he MUST watch his money!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont know what else to do.

I honestly feel like throwing up, that is how sad I am. I am not angry, just sad.....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I need advice in wording a strong email regarding finantial responsibility.
> 
> First off, I feel sick, i think I am about to throw up. I feel so sad as well.
> 
> I just received an email from ex in which he is asking permission to sell our stock. It is not a lot of stock. I dont care, he can sell it. I do not want it.
> 
> Background, After our separation, he spent about 12K in a spam of 2 months. THen he spent all 7K in one month, he also spent his 401K, not sure how much that was in less than one month as well.
> 
> he wrote me the email to say, he is once again running out of money. Mind you, the largest bill we had was my car and I am paying for that!
> 
> He does pay the mortgage (about 400 dls a month).
> 
> I was always the responsible one, he would get upset at me and accuse me of being money hungry.
> 
> I want to write him an email back, telling him he MUST watch his money!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont know what else to do.
> 
> I honestly feel like throwing up, that is how sad I am. I am not angry, just sad.....


You dont need to preach or lecture or anything else. Just tell him that YOU will not be helping him, he needs to clean up his own financial messes! Then make sure you follow through with not helping him, he will never learn if you do, and he isnt your responsibility any more.


----------



## Jellybeans

He financial problems are not yours anymore unless they are related to joint ownership, Ne.

Is he hitting you up for cash again? If so, just say NO.


----------



## ne9907

Yes, he was asking to sell the stock.

I told him no.

I feel awful, it is like everytime I move forward with my life and I am happy, having fun, there he is coming back to haunt me....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Yes, he was asking to sell the stock.
> 
> I told him no.
> 
> I feel awful, it is like everytime I move forward with my life and I am happy, having fun, th*ere he is coming back to haunt me...*.


That will stop once you stop helping him.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Yes, he was asking to sell the stock.
> 
> I told him no.
> 
> I feel awful, it is like everytime I move forward with my life and I am happy, having fun, there he is coming back to haunt me....


Is he still entitled to part of the stock or is it yours? Why does he need permission? If it is taking from you then hall naw to him.


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> You dont need to preach or lecture or anything else. Just tell him that YOU will not be helping him, he needs to clean up his own financial messes! Then make sure you follow through with not helping him, he will never learn if you do, and he isnt your responsibility any more.


Its hard to say NO when you have always been the responsible one but you must do it...............

do not bail him out, he will keep coming back...been there

you guys dont even have kids right? divorce is final? no reason to be talking to him then right?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Sorry this has mucked up your mood. If he ever asks again, I suggest you ignore it or tell him to make a budget and stick to it. You aren't doing him any favors by giving him money. Time to grow up and be an adult.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Sorry this has mucked up your mood. If he ever asks again, I suggest you ignore it or tell him to make a budget and stick to it. You aren't doing him any favors by giving him money. *Time to grow up and be an adult*.


:iagree:

Hard thing for some people to do.


----------



## unsure78

Enjoli we will just have to agree to disagree... and a big world out there and a lot of different d1ck sizes out there for everyone


----------



## ne9907

Thank you all, 
we agreed that the stock would remain in both our names and if we ever decided to sell, it would need both our signatures.
Yes, no children.
I am afraid of karma. I am afraid if i am mean to him, karma will bite me in the ass.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Thank you all,
> we agreed that the stock would remain in both our names and if we ever decided to sell, it would need both our signatures.
> Yes, no children.
> I am afraid of karma. I am afraid if i am mean to him, karma will bite me in the ass.


you are not being mean...you are just putting yourself first, nothing wrong with that...doesn't make you mean it makes you a healthy person with good boundaries


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Thank you all,
> we agreed that the stock would remain in both our names and if we ever decided to sell, it would need both our signatures.
> Yes, no children.
> I am afraid of karma. I am afraid if i am mean to him, karma will bite me in the ass.


Oh please! HE is the one who should be watching out for Karma, not you and your kind soul!


----------



## Lon

ne9907 said:


> Thank you all,
> we agreed that the stock would remain in both our names and if we ever decided to sell, it would need both our signatures.
> Yes, no children.
> I am afraid of karma. I am afraid if i am mean to him, karma will bite me in the ass.


Were there any discussions or agreements about what would require you to sign off on selling? If there is nothing that compels you and it is in your best financial interest to continue holding the stocks, then it is not being mean to refuse... however if you do refuse there may come a time when you need him to sign the agreement to sell and he refuses.

It really is your choice, but what harm is there in selling the stock, taking your share of the money and just reinvesting it in the same stock (or any financial vehicle you wish) under your own name? The processing fees to split this investment will have to be paid out at some point in time anyway.


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Were there any discussions or agreements about what would require you to sign off on selling? If there is nothing that compels you and it is in your best financial interest to continue holding the stocks, then it is not being mean to refuse... however if you do refuse there may come a time when you need him to sign the agreement to sell and he refuses.
> 
> It really is your choice, but what harm is there in selling the stock, taking your share of the money and just reinvesting it in the same stock (or any financial vehicle you wish) under your own name? The processing fees to split this investment will have to be paid out at some point in time anyway.


I actually hadnt thought of that!!

That is a good compromise. I like it. I suppose my mind was a mess and wasnt thinking straight.
Thank you Lon


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I actually hadnt thought of that!!
> 
> That is a good compromise. I like it. I suppose my mind was a mess and wasnt thinking straight.
> Thank you Lon


I know there can be emotional attachments involved too... I just listed the house my ex and I bought together on the market and it has been a major emotional process... I had already bought out her share of the equity in that plus our retirement savings using my portion of those retirement savings when we divorced. I have been struggling with bills for the past year and a half, it has taken me that long just to figure out what to do.


----------



## Another Planet

So glad I just knew I shouldn't get financially tied to my exwife,...10 yrs and all we had to divvy up were some house hold items and the kids. Only rented and I agreed to take whatever debt if I could keep everything of mine that was business related! Win win honestly.


----------



## Lon

Another Planet said:


> So glad I just knew I shouldn't get financially tied to my exwife,...10 yrs and all we had to divvy up were some house hold items and the kids. Only rented and I agreed to take whatever debt if I could keep everything of mine that was business related! Win win honestly.


yep... I'm not gonna make that mistake again  though my GF and I are considering buying a travel trailer together - of course if we do we are putting all the terms in writing so that if either of us no longer wants to use it (for whatever reason) there is already an agreement in place for the other to either buy it out or if no arrangement can be agreed upon to sell it and share the proceeds.


----------



## whitehawk

Spent another 3hrs on the phone with pocket rocket E , again last night. The 2hr away one that came down to see all the antiques and junk stuff. We've used up both mths phone credits in 6 days .
This chick is freaking me out , gotta be one of the coolest people l've ever met, one mans poison l know but !. Very weird this last 5-6 wks, now pocket rocket .
Turns out she's , 4ft 11 but calls herself an even 5ft :smthumbup: A stick of dynamite keeps popping into my head every time l talk to her or see her - wonder what that means :rofl:
l'm 6ft , think l'm just gonna put her in my pocket and take her home , done story. She's in the middle of blowing anyone else just clean out of the water and, mousey blonde , again, how could that be. 

Crazy world people, we're meeting again 1/2 way tomorrow. Hope she doesn't blow something up !


----------



## vi_bride04

Sounds like that one is the "fvck yes", WH


----------



## whitehawk

Hmm , just reread that , l sound like a 16yr old in a candy store but eh , that's the way this stuff should make you feel right !
Ha , probly be desperate and dateless again in a couple of wks


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Sounds like that one is the "fvck yes", WH



Haha , thanks vi , sure is . l'm a bit embarrassed rereading that one now but oh well who cares .


----------



## RandomDude

Well, the train is like pickup central hehe, just got a lady's number this morning on the way to work instead of driving. Will see how it goes next week, in the meantime see how many numbers I can get before this weekend


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Well, the train is like pickup central hehe, just got a lady's number this morning on the way to work instead of driving. Will see how it goes next week, in the meantime see how many numbers I can get before this weekend



Random are you like super hot to be geeting all these women right and left. .. or are you just that smooth?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Random are you like super hot to be geeting all these women right and left. .. or are you just that smooth?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Both maybe?


----------



## krismimo

drerio said:


> I guess being Hawaiian has its advantages


:scratchhead:


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Well, the train is like pickup central hehe, just got a lady's number this morning on the way to work instead of driving. Will see how it goes next week, in the meantime see how many numbers I can get before this weekend


I gave a guy my number at the bus stop, he turned into a stalker. Totally creepy. But still gotta take chances!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Oh my this is a interesting thread! Hope I'm not intruding please carry on...


----------



## vi_bride04

Birthday shenanigans scheduled!!!


----------



## krismimo

How are you these days VI?  Nice to see you!


----------



## Another Planet

krismimo said:


> Oh my this is a interesting thread! Hope I'm not intruding please carry on...


Welcome 
This is literally the only TAM thread I need now lol
Ton of friends and great people here


----------



## Another Planet

SOOOOOO you guys might get to see an AP relationship bud, boil, and go down in ashes 
This girl is something else


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



krismimo said:


> How are you these days VI?  Nice to see you!


Good - hanging out with my peeps on the singles thread!


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, this thread is absolutely crazy and fun. Of course it doesn't help that everyone is a little sex obsessed.


----------



## krismimo

Good! I had to take a break things got weird here for a bit so I had to take a mini vacay, but I'm back I feel like I missed a whole lot.


----------



## krismimo

On this thread looks like nothing has changed... which is a good thing.


----------



## Disenchanted

You all need tinder. It's pure gold.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> You all need tinder. It's pure gold.


Yes, it is great. I am enjoying it. I think NE uses it too.


----------



## Nsweet

krismimo said:


> On this thread looks like nothing has changed... which is a good thing.


It could always get better!

Get yourself a twenty sided die and roll it ever few hours with a pic. Give every number a topic of discussion that's both sexual and awkward.

Maybe even do a word of the day.... Like "Penis" of "Douchecanoe".


----------



## bandit.45

I have it on good authority that Dis is hung like Frankenstein Jr. He'll fit right in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> You all need tinder. It's pure gold.





vi_bride04 said:


> Yes, it is great. I am enjoying it. I think NE uses it too.


 Did Vi convince Disenchanted to come take a peek...I haven't actually checked your thread since Dday for you! Hows it going now!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Did Vi convince Disenchanted to come take a peek...I haven't actually checked your thread since Dday for you! Hows it going now!


I am after all, a shenanigan starter lol


----------



## Disenchanted

Yup she did. Going great! 

Now if only someone would call me mister.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I have it on good authority that Dis is hung like Frankenstein Jr. He'll fit right in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sup my brother, how' life treatin' ya?


----------



## Nsweet

Disenchanted said:


> Yup she did. Going great!
> 
> Now if only someone would call me mister.


I'll call you Mister.... Mister Slave. 

Take that Mr. Slave. Take that!


----------



## krismimo

Nsweet said:


> It could always get better!
> 
> Get yourself a twenty sided die and roll it ever few hours with a pic. Give every number a topic of discussion that's both sexual and awkward.
> 
> Maybe even do a word of the day.... Like "Penis" of "Douchecanoe".


HAHHAH when you mentioned 20 sided Die I was like how did you know that I play D&D?? Which I do clears throat yes I'm still cool!


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Sup my brother, how' life treatin' ya?


Life....is good. Hey I thought you said goodbye. Missed us too much huh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

I'll never really leave.


----------



## Disenchanted

Nsweet said:


> I'll call you Mister.... Mister Slave.
> 
> Take that Mr. Slave. Take that!


feelsgoodman


----------



## krismimo

ummmm...no comment... All I can say is Dis you sure do know how to make a grand entrance sheesh!


----------



## Disenchanted

krismimo said:


> ummmm...no comment... All I can say is Dis you sure do know how to make a grand entrance sheesh!


Thanks for mentioning that you missed me hot pants, I missed you too


----------



## vi_bride04

This place is like Hotel California....hahaha


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I'll never really leave.


You softy. Stick around. Between my buttery balls, Nsweet's need to hang barbells off his crank, and a thread full of women who crave big shafts; well, it's a pretty normal down to earth place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

I didn't say that! What did you throw?! And smart a*** it's Kris not hot pants or I'll start calling you Candy pants again!


----------



## krismimo

bandit.45 said:


> I have it on good authority that Dis is hung like Frankenstein Jr. He'll fit right in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you two need to take a break from playing swords, especially you B. I love you man but you know about way too many umm other members members.


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> You softy. Stick around. Between my buttery balls, Nsweet's need to hang barbells off his crank, and a thread full of women who crave big shafts; well, it's a pretty normal down to earth place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh, need to? Pfffft..... WANT TO.


----------



## bandit.45

LOL! Hey any info I have has already been made public. And as for Dis, you don't get the volume of trim he does without street cred.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Uh oh, I think this thread is gonna start to get out of hand now that Dis and Bandit are regulars

I'm scared


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> LOL! Hey any info I have has already been made public. And as for Dis, you don't get the volume of trim he does without street cred.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here's some cred, need more?




























I could go on all night.

MUAHAHAHHAHAHA


----------



## krismimo

Ok... now you are just showing off


----------



## bandit.45

Rana is hot. You need to tap that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

vi_bride04 said:


> Uh oh, I think this thread is gonna start to get out of hand now that Dis and Bandit are regulars
> 
> I'm scared


(In dramatic voice) V?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? LOOK WHAT YOU STARTED!!! Not gonna lie sorta low key scared myself...


----------



## bandit.45

I'm glad my lady Kris is on board. She makes everything funner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

krismimo said:


> Ok... now you are just showing off


15 numbers today, should I put 'em all up? That'd be showing off.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> 15 numbers today, should I put 'em all up? That'd be showing off.


Dog.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

You could make a kiss and tell thread. Post pics with the faces photo shopped out and tell us how your dates went.


----------



## krismimo

bandit.45 said:


> I'm glad my lady Kris is on board. She makes everything funner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 AWW thanks B!


----------



## Another Planet

Is it picture ***** time? no you guys wouldn't be up to that would you?


----------



## krismimo

Disenchanted said:


> 15 numbers today, should I put 'em all up? That'd be showing off.


15 numbers in one day? What you running over there a Brothel?
And yes you are still showing off...but please continue... all I know is if it was me you would get your a** beat for putting me on the net like that!  Scratch that you might like that never mind.


----------



## bandit.45

I love redheads.

Dis where are you from? I don't recall.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I love redheads.
> 
> Dis where are you from? I don't recall.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seattle area, well originally the East Coast but been here for the last 22 years.

And yeah for some reason most of my gfs have been gingers. I dunno why. I like them, they like me, I guess that's all there is to it.


----------



## krismimo

Red heads are over rated! (Jk) Just being a lil bitter my ex loved them too.


----------



## Disenchanted

krismimo said:


> Red heads are over rated! (Jk) Just being a lil bitter my ex loved them too.


Well I prefer blondes or ethnic personally, but whatever.

I like 'em small, I like 'em tall, I like 'em all.


----------



## bandit.45

krismimo said:


> Red heads are over rated! (Jk) Just being a lil bitter my ex loved them too.


Oops. Sorry K.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Well I prefer blondes or ethnic personally, but whatever.
> 
> I like 'em small, I like 'em tall, I like 'em all.


I've never had much luck heart-wise with brunettes. If I ever date again I'd like to date a blonde.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Disenchanted said:


> Well I prefer blondes or ethnic personally, but whatever.
> 
> I like 'em small, I like 'em tall, I like 'em all.


HAHHA Return of the MACK


----------



## krismimo

bandit.45 said:


> Oops. Sorry K.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't ever apologize! You like what you like! I was just being a girl for a moment. I had a moment it's over now back to being cool again.


----------



## Disenchanted

krismimo said:


> HAHHA Return of the MACK


Now THAT right THUR is more street cred than I could ever get by posting a hundred milliondy billiondy pics of my silly escapades.

Thanks Kris.


----------



## krismimo

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::roflid you just put right THUR?!!!


----------



## Another Planet

No one want to play the pic game, Ill do it myself but I am going to sleep now. Maybe catch up on mobile...GN everyone


----------



## vi_bride04

Right Thurr is an extremely fun song to dance to on Dance Central for the xbox


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> yesterday:


Who doesn't have a spoon? It's a fake!


----------



## vi_bride04

Hey there mister


----------



## Disenchanted

now I feel at home, thanks gorgeous!


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> Who doesn't have a spoon? It's a fake!


I thought so too. It's easy to find a pic of a model holding a whisk, so I blocked her number.

trust issues


----------



## Another Planet

Well hell why aren't you here on the single section of TAM? We are all dry for the most part, we need to see some action to get the mojo flowing! Hell the majority just spent the last 2-3 days talking about Deecks...save me!!!


----------



## ne9907

After my mini meltdown this morning, I am texting a sweet 26 year old. we started texting last night and I mentioned I like country music.
Today after work he texted "howdy pretty miss" reckon you had a.fine day at work?"
I found it sweet


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Well hell why aren't you here on the single section of TAM? We are all dry for the most part, we need to see some action to get the mojo flowing! Hell the majority just spent the last 2-3 days talking about Deecks...save me!!!


He exaggerates...The penis talk has only been going on a day 1/2 I think. Actually last night it was manscapeing, and bandits balls. Today it was about penis size. 

This thread is very educational and only mildly disturbing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> After my mini meltdown this morning, I am texting a sweet 26 year old. we started texting last night and I mentioned I like country music.
> Today after work he texted "howdy pretty miss" reckon you had a.fine day at work?"
> I found it sweet


You like em young things, don't ya?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> He exaggerates...The penis talk has only been going on a day 1/2 I think. Actually last night it was manscapeing, and bandits balls. Today it was about penis size.
> 
> This thread is very educational and only mildly disturbing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey days for me!!! yesterday after no no sleep and working all day we were talking about kettle bells stretching dongs out...seems like a week for me! Ill be back to crazy but normal after some sleep....


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> After my mini meltdown this morning, *I am texting a sweet 26 year old.* we started texting last night and I mentioned I like country music.
> Today after work he texted "howdy pretty miss" reckon you had a.fine day at work?"
> I found it *sweet*


Just for the record everyone, she is *NOT* talking about me. 

And btw, I thought 26 was too young for you. Liar.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> You like em young things, don't ya?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha
Yes apparently I do. I would have never thought this possible


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> You all need tinder. It's pure gold.


I like Tinder too! That's how I am chatting this 26 yo. Too badyou are too far away, disenchanted or we could tinder each other... on second thought you may be too old for my liking haha


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> I like Tinder too! That's how I am chatting this 26 yo. Too badyou are too far away, disenchanted or we could tinder each other... on second thought you may be too old for my liking haha


That's what I thought for a while too doll, I liked the 20 somethings for a while. But found that I preferred chikas who actually know what they want.

Do you?


----------



## lisab0105

Disenchanted said:


> That's what I thought for a while too doll, I liked the 20 somethings for a while. But found that I preferred chikas who actually know what they want.
> 
> Do you?


LOL I thought you threw in TAM flirting towel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

How you doin' Lisa?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> That's what I thought for a while too doll, I liked the 20 somethings for a while. But found that I preferred chikas who actually know what they want.
> 
> Do you?


Negative! I have no idea what I want, all I know is that I need to have some fun and these 20'something guys are so deliciously hot ... plus such an ego boost.


----------



## lisab0105

Disenchanted said:


> How you doin' Lisa?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Don't "Joey" me lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> You softy. Stick around. Between my buttery balls, Nsweet's need to hang barbells off his crank, and a thread full of women who crave big shafts; well, it's a pretty normal down to earth place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 



Dollystanford said:


> *walks in to thread*
> 
> *walks straight out again*


----------



## RandomDude

And another number on the way back from work hehe, that makes two for next week! Strangely after work at the tavern another lady I chatted up didn't give me her number :scratchhead:

Was on a roll! Bah! Oh well... Trains > Pubs! lol


----------



## Fenix

Welp, all I can say is this thread has been fun these past couple of days.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Well, the train is like pickup central hehe, just got a lady's number this morning on the way to work instead of driving. Will see how it goes next week, in the meantime see how many numbers I can get before this weekend


You are getting your mojo back. Good!



ne9907 said:


> After my mini meltdown this morning, I am texting a sweet 26 year old.





Nsweet said:


> Just for the record everyone, she is *NOT* talking about me.
> 
> And btw, I thought 26 was too young for you. Liar.


Haha. Nsweet is jealous! 



Disenchanted said:


> Well I prefer blondes or ethnic personally, but whatever.


Well you would love me then. Haha. Welcome back, Dis.



vi_bride04 said:


> This place is like Hotel California....hahaha


"On a dark desert highway..."

Does Tinder only work via Facebook?


----------



## familyfirst09

Tinder seems like a ridiculous way to "meet" people. You can just post a pic of yourself that doesn't even look like you really do IRL and collect numbers. I don't think that's anything to brag about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

It is very popular though so it's doing something right.


----------



## familyfirst09

maybe for honest and genuine people, not so sure about the rest. Then again, I am deathly afraid of online dating now so my opinion is jaded.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Tinder seems like a ridiculous way to "meet" people. You can just post a pic of yourself that doesn't even look like you really do IRL and collect numbers. I don't think that's anything to brag about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can do that with any online/digital dating medium.  Tinder seems easier to weed through the b.s. IMO, pretty easy to tell fake or booty call profiles. The whole how many interests you have in common feature I just absolutely love !


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Can do that with any online/digital dating medium.  Tinder seems easier to weed through the b.s. IMO, pretty easy to tell fake or booty call profiles. The whole how many interests you have in common feature I just absolutely love !


Ok Vi, you are a trustworthy source in my books so you have peeked my interest!! When and if i'm ready for something more serious, I may have to check it out...definitely not ready right now and will just be happy with my luke brian look a like friend ATM 

Trust is a hard thing to regain!!


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> maybe for honest and genuine people, not so sure about the rest. *Then again, I am deathly afraid of online dating now so my opinion is jaded*.


:rofl: I hear you. After reading the stories here for so long I decided to download a phone dating app and lasted all of four days. A bunch of guys hit me up and I didn't respond to any of them. I suck at online dating apparently. 

Some of their profile pictures were SO funny and I would NOT post them if I were them. Hahahaha.


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: I hear you. After reading the stories here for so long I decided to download a phone dating app and lasted all of four days. A bunch of guys hit me up and I didn't respond to any of them. I suck at online dating apparently.
> 
> Some of their profile pictures were SO funny and I would NOT post them if I were them. Hahahaha.


oh geez...see that makes me even more afraid cause I wonder if someone would think that about my picture!!! My therapist thinks I should try it, maybe in the near future but not right now, i am enjoying things as they are.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Well, Family, one dude had straight up ZOOLANDER-posing looking pictures. Methinks you wouldn't do that but it was SURE funny. Then there was the guy posing in front of Ferraris and other super-luxe cars (that probably did not belong to him). Hahaha. And then the one guy who had his profile pic of him and a woman. Uh, yeah, no!


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Here's some cred, need more?
> 
> I could go on all night.
> 
> MUAHAHAHHAHAHA



LOL Dis looks like you might give me a run for my money on here.... my record was the week before valentines day.. i put my match profile back up on a sunday night by tue end of the day I had been contacted by approx 100 guys.........


However Im actually pulling myself out out of the game for now.. I found one I like and he likes me....


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> i put my match profile back up on a sunday night by tue end of the day I had been contacted by approx 100 guys.........


Well you ARE a hottie! So I am not surprised at all.

Is there a third date with Dude coming along?


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Well, Family, one dude had straight up ZOOLANDER-posing looking pictures. Methinks you wouldn't do that but it was SURE funny. Then there was the guy posing in front of Ferraris and other super-luxe cars (that probably did not belong to him). Hahaha. And then the one guy who had his profile pic of him and a woman. Uh, yeah, no!


Lol you should totally post them!! Kidding. Then again I would rather have someone post a picture of who they really are than a fake picture, even if it's a ridiculous one!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe I deleted my account so the pics are gone baby gone! Hehehe. 

See, the thing about the pictures they DO post to me ARE who they really are! The pictures are telling.

Like the guy with the woman in his pic--I imagine him to be a guy who likes to create jealousy/competition amongst the women he dates. No, thanks. 

The guy with the souped up Ferraris and all the luxe stuff--I imagine he's a materialistic/shallow guy who may or may not even have those cars. No substance, not for me. 

The guy with all the "Zoolander/Look at me I'm Hot, I'm in Da Club" is most definitely someone I don't want to date. Ever. Hahahahaha.

It's a quick way to assess/eliminate. 

Like, if I were a man and a woman had posted big booty pics with a short skirt showing off her vagina... I'd probably bypass that unless I was looking for quick sex because I'd think the photo was telling about who she is/what she values/what she is looking for.

You dig?


----------



## Another Planet

I like online dating. I think it is easier to completely reflect who you are inside. From your profile to how you interact with the people on the site. I have not initiated any form of communication in quite a while now, I rarely even go through my matches. Just whenever someone interesting views me I respond back and I am very content with this method...way more attention then I need or want to wade through.


----------



## familyfirst09

Very good summary jellybeans!! I am taking notes!!! I hate fake people, people who brag and brag and brag are most likely the ones sitting at home alone with a box of kleenex. That only impresses 20 year Olds that want to get away from mommy and daddy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah but just be sure you're not using it as a shield, AP. It seems you meet a lot of women "online" but don't take it to "real life" which is the real deal. Just saying.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Like the guy with the woman in his pic--I imagine him to be a guy who likes to create jealousy/competition amongst the women he dates.


No this is not true. The idea is that you are not so creepy that no woman would be around you. It's one of the first rules in presenting yourself in pictures. What's better is to have a pic with a bunch of people, men and women. But at least one picture with a woman shows that you aren't a serial rapist.

Now I did run across a profile where this crazy bish put up a wedding picture, now that was whacko.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> I like online dating. I think it is easier to completely reflect who you are inside. From your profile to how you interact with the people on the site. I have not initiated any form of communication in quite a while now, I rarely even go through my matches. Just whenever someone interesting views me I respond back and I am very content with this method...way more attention then I need or want to wade through.


But it's not your only form of meeting people by the sounds of things correct? I am sure I will eventually try it when I think I'm ready for something more serious. I've just been having fun meeting people in real life and just focusing on my social circle. Girl still has needs but I don't need to be in a full fledge relationship for that!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> No this is not true. The idea is that you are not so creepy that no woman would be around you. It's one of the first rules in presenting yourself in pictures. What's better is to have a pic with a bunch of people, men and women. But at least one picture with a woman shows that you aren't a serial rapist.
> 
> Now I did run across a profile where this crazy bish put up a wedding picture, now that was whacko.


WTF Maybe she was trying to say she wants to get hitched again?!


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> No this is not true. The idea is that you are not so creepy that no woman would be around you. It's one of the first rules in presenting yourself in pictures.


Yeah but if you are trying to PICK UP CHICKS or create a connection online, prob best to post a profile picture of yourself, alone, not of you with another woman. I immediately bypassed this guy based on that alone. 

Maybe it's different for different people. As a man though I'd think I'd prob not want to hit up the woman photographed with a man in her online dating profile... 



Disenchanted said:


> Now I did run across a profile where this crazy bish put up a wedding picture, now that was whacko.


Certifiable nut. But would have made for a great "date story" on TAM. Wow. Can you imagine what THAT would have been like? I think this woman takes the CAKE! Insane in the mebrane!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> WTF Maybe she was trying to say she wants to get hitched again?!


Hahaha. Yep! Or she is married looking for her next husband.

Reminds me of the Runaway Bride. Remember her?










Sometimes crazy just LOOKS crazy. :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> But it's not your only form of meeting people by the sounds of things correct? I am sure I will eventually try it when I think I'm ready for something more serious. I've just been having fun meeting people in real life and just focusing on my social circle. Girl still has needs but I don't need to be in a full fledge relationship for that!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh no! I am out and about also, I wanted to go outside my circle of even the "I know a girl who knows a single girl's" kinda of hookups.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Hahaha. Yep! Or she is married looking for her next husband.
> 
> Reminds me of the Runaway Bride. Remember her?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sometimes crazy just LOOKS crazy. :rofl:


Crazy Girlfriend Meme - Funny OMG - Must Watch! - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh wow. She looks like a total stalker! Those eyes!!!!!!!!!!

I had been seeing her face on the internet but hadn't known what it was about. Thanks for the link. NUTTER!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> As a man though I'd think I'd prob not want to hit up the woman photographed with a man in her online dating profile...


Most of the women I see on Tinder have at least one picture with a guy, it doesn't deter me at all.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Oh no! I am out and about also, I wanted to go outside my circle of even the "I know a girl who knows a single girl's" kinda of hookups.



Ok that is good. I like what you said about the profile being able to reflect who you are inside and out. That is an interesting way of looking at it, can't say I have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Most of the women I see on Tinder have at least one picture with a guy, it doesn't deter me at all.


You're such a Romeo. Hahaaha.


----------



## Disenchanted

FF if you put up a couple of genuine pictures of yourself, one with your kid and dogs, you'd have the world at your finger tips. You could pick and choose from so many top notch choices your head would spin.

And you would never hear from a single one that didn't interest you anyway.


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> maybe for honest and genuine people, not so sure about the rest. Then again, I am deathly afraid of online dating now so my opinion is jaded.



Yeah it scared the crap outa me too.
Pocket rocket reckons Tinder's famous for seriously photo shopped women so probably the guys too .
Haven't even looked at it yet myself .


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Most of the women I see on Tinder have at least one picture with a guy, it doesn't deter me at all.


That just goes to show how different everyone is and that there is no cookie cutter definition of a mate. 
Even your online dating style totally reflects who you are and what you are looking for ATM or in a SO...if you are looking for just a hookup or a long term relationship.


----------



## Disenchanted

Plus swiping is super fun, like a candy store.


----------



## Jellybeans

What is this spoon shot stuff about?


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Yeah it scared the crap outa me too.
> Pocket rocket reckons Tinder's famous for seriously photo shopped women so probably the guys too .
> Haven't even looked at it yet myself .


I heard it's all 18-25 year Olds on there and basically just wanting to get laid - or pass around STD's. Yeah no thanks, I prefer something a little more genuine and grown up than that. I have respect for myself now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> If you're serious about her go for the spoon shot.
> 
> Tell her to take a selfie holding a spoon (or whatever).
> 
> It's easy peasie.


Yeah I didn't catch a lot of that last night to tired. What is that about? Just a means of testing dominance or just something?


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I didn't catch a lot of that last night to tired. What is that about? Just a means of testing dominance or just something?


Its so that you know her pics are not fake....


----------



## Disenchanted

familyfirst09 said:


> I heard it's all 18-25 year Olds on there and basically just wanting to get laid - or pass around STD's. Yeah no thanks, I prefer something a little more genuine and grown up than that. I have respect for myself now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Used to be this way, not anymore.

Lots of 40-50 year olds on there too nowadays


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I didn't catch a lot of that last night to tired. What is that about? Just a means of testing dominance or just something?



Trust me, you didn't miss much lol. You seem to be doing just fine on your own - no "game" required. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dis--all I can see is BOOBIES in that pic. HAHAHAHA



Disenchanted said:


> Lots of 40-50 year olds on there too nowadays


Which seems to be my preferred dating age range lately.


----------



## familyfirst09

Age isn't an issue for me, mostly. I've met a 30 year old who was super mature and sexy and I've met 40 year Olds that act like children and lie thru their teeth so age doesn't define a person in my books!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

familyfirst09 said:


> I heard it's all 18-25 year Olds on there and basically just wanting to get laid - or pass around STD's. Yeah no thanks, I prefer something a little more genuine and grown up than that. I have respect for myself now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead: Really??? 

Where are you hearing this stuff from?? LOL 

I have not head these experiences. Yes ALOT of the guys on there are only looking for a lay, but just as many as I came across on POF. I have found plenty of men 35-45. My search doesn't even include anyone under 32 yrs old though. And I don't like profiles with less than 5 interests. That has kept *most* of the only looking for a lay guys at bay. Not all though. 

I knew Tinder was a "hookup" app, but have found its a less b.s. app. People are up front, getting to the point vs all the msgs going back and forth. Its super easy to block people and is alot faster pace than any other dating medium I have used so far. 

Like I said, I enjoy it, it may not be fore everyone. It sounds like you are where I was a few months ago, FF. So take your time with the dating, just enjoy yourself. You will get to the point where you feel comfortable dating. I don't think you are there yet. And thats ok


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I like online dating. I think it is easier to completely reflect who you are inside. From your profile to how you interact with the people on the site. I have not initiated any form of communication in quite a while now, I rarely even go through my matches. Just whenever someone interesting views me I respond back and I am very content with this method...way more attention then I need or want to wade through.



Yeah , my views about it all have been totally thrown on their head too.
When l was just looking around a few mths back l was pretty turned of by it all tbh and the type of people l seemed to see millions of.
But since joining one , which l tried to make a good one , tell you what , very plesently surprised .
Have met some very genuine ladies, nice too. Basically just trying what a lot of other people are to hopefully meet someone worthwhile just like you would've via going out or whatever before .

Another thing l realized to AP. Because l was just doing what you've been doing and just scanning any interest that came to me for awhile to.
But out of the 3 really special ones l've met so far and now pocket rocket , l chose all 3 of them myself and l approached them first .
And l've realized that's how l've honed in on people that really suit me , chose them myself as apposed to the type of people that might've approached you , more often than not aren't really the type you would actually choose yourself.

So there ya go , for anyone feeling like getting a little serious about it , get out there and choose for yourself.


----------



## familyfirst09

I just talked to a friend about it this morning and yep pof has the same rep. Again, I'm jaded and it sounds like it works for you Vi so that's great!! I just know some people are not genuine and that just turns me off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , my views about it all have been totally thrown on their head too.
> When l was just looking around a few mths back l was pretty turned of by it all tbh and the type of people l seemed to see millions of.
> But since joining one , which l tried to make a good one , tell you what , very plesently surprised .
> Have met some very genuine ladies, nice too. Basically just trying what a lot of other people are to hopefully meet someone worthwhile just like you would've via going out or whatever before .
> 
> Another thing l realized to AP. Because l was just doing what you've been doing and just scanning any interest that came to me for awhile to.
> But out of the 3 really special ones l've met so far and now pocket rocket , l chose all 3 of them myself and l approached them first .
> And l've realized that's how l've honed in on people that really suit me , chose them myself as apposed to the type of people that might've approached you , more often than not aren't really the type you would actually choose yourself.
> 
> So there ya go , for anyone feeling like getting a little serious about it , get out there and choose for yourself.



That's a good news story there, I like hearing that. It also sounds like your intentions are genuine which makes a huge difference. Pocket rocket lol, cute nickname. What site is it anyway? Can you share?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> If you're serious about her go for the spoon shot.
> 
> Tell her to take a selfie holding a spoon (or whatever).
> 
> It's easy peasie.
> 
> Like this (here's my whole game in one text):



Haha , classic but nah we've already met dis , a few times. Fk it l'll get her to do the spoon anyway , why not :rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

Disenchanted said:


> No this is not true. The idea is that you are not so creepy that no woman would be around you. It's one of the first rules in presenting yourself in pictures. What's better is to have a pic with a bunch of people, men and women. But at least one picture with a woman shows that you aren't a serial rapist.
> 
> Now I did run across a profile where this crazy bish put up a wedding picture, now that was whacko.


Putting up pics with other people is actually considered a "nono" when posting dating profile pics. You shouldn't make people look for you and it also conveys a sense of "See how social I am?" and it actually turns people off sometimes. 

Your online pics should only be you if you can help it. Not your pets, not your motorcycle, or your favorite 4wheelin truck covered in mud. Just you.

Well, that is what my research consistently shows anyway


----------



## vi_bride04

familyfirst09 said:


> I just talked to a friend about it this morning and yep pof has the same rep. Again, I'm jaded and it sounds like it works for you Vi so that's great!! *I just know some people are not genuine and that just turns me off.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FF thats in real life, not just the online dating world. 

So many people are fake. Doesn't matter where you meet them. 

The thing you have to do is make sure you listen to yourself when it comes to something not feeling right. Trust yourself. Have strong boundaries. Be able to call out b.s. and POS behavior. And then be able to just drop that person if they are not contributing to a healthier you.


----------



## Disenchanted

lisab0105 said:


> Putting up pics with other people is actually considered a "nono" when posting dating profile pics. You shouldn't make people look for you and it also conveys a sense of "See how social I am?" and it actually turns people off sometimes.
> 
> Your online pics should only be you if you can help it. Not your pets, not your motorcycle, or your favorite 4wheelin truck covered in mud. Just you.
> 
> Well, that is what my research consistently shows anyway


Best results found by a forum dedicated to this are as follows:

4 pics are enough

1st is a good face shot taken by someone other then yourself

2nd pic is in a social setting with other people

3rd pic shows you doing something interesting, a hobby or sport

4th pic is full body


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> That's a good news story there, I like hearing that. It also sounds like your intentions are genuine which makes a huge difference. Pocket rocket lol, cute nickname. What site is it anyway? Can you share?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah l reckon so to thanks , l tell you l am so surprised .
l'm on RSVP , seems damn good to me . One helpful thing with them too , l've been told that if any of the girls get hassled , these guys will happily kick some serious butt 
Pocket rockets cute from head to toe


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> You are getting your mojo back. Good!


Not really, I'm just letting my 'sailors' do the talking... hehe

So far only a 66.7% success rate in random pickups - so bah! I suck >.< !

Shame about the meetups this month but oh well, no choice! Working the "law of averages"


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Best results found by a forum dedicated to this are as follows:
> 
> 4 pics are enough
> 
> 1st is a good face shot taken by someone other then yourself
> 
> 2nd pic is in a social setting with other people
> 
> 3rd pic shows you doing something interesting, a hobby or sport
> 
> 4th pic is full body


Wow. Broken down to a photographic science! Hahaha


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Wow. Broken down to a photographic science! Hahaha


Just like anything, you don't get results if you don't work at it. You get out what you put in.

Pun intended.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> FF thats in real life, not just the online dating world.
> 
> So many people are fake. Doesn't matter where you meet them.
> 
> The thing you have to do is make sure you listen to yourself when it comes to something not feeling right. Trust yourself. Have strong boundaries. Be able to call out b.s. and POS behavior. And then be able to just drop that person if they are not contributing to a healthier you.



Yeah I know. Like I said I'm jaded with the whole "online" thing. Met one guy online and he turned out to be a liar, a fraud and a cheat. So my gaurd is up. I lowered my standards once I won't do it again, I'm in a better place now and am enjoying meeting people in real life. Maybe one day I'll give the online thing a try, just not for me right now!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> FF if you put up a couple of genuine pictures of yourself, one with your kid and dogs, you'd have the world at your finger tips. You could pick and choose from so many top notch choices your head would spin.
> 
> And you would never hear from a single one that didn't interest you anyway.




What's this on Tinder Dis ?
Hey , nice idea to by the way .


----------



## Jellybeans

The key is to keep your expectations low. Hehehehehehe.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> _The thing you have to do is make sure you listen to yourself when it comes to something not feeling right._ Trust yourself. Have strong boundaries. Be able to call out b.s. and POS behavior. And then be able to just drop that person if they are not contributing to a healthier you.


This.........

spot on


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> Plus swiping is super fun, like a candy store.



What's swiping ?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Disenchanted said:


> Best results found by a forum dedicated to this are as follows:
> 
> 4 pics are enough
> 
> 1st is a good face shot taken by someone other then yourself
> 
> 2nd pic is in a social setting with other people
> 
> 3rd pic shows you doing something interesting, a hobby or sport
> 
> 4th pic is full body


I agree - these are great suggestions.

I hate the ones that show their vehicles - if they want a gold digger, go ahead and impress them with your $50K Harley. Also when they have a LOT of scenic ones. I'm not sure if they are trying to show you the places they like to go but I've seen lots of beach and mountain pics - I'm not impressed unless it's ice floes or the great wall of China. 

Men should be smiling in at LEAST one of them. Sorry, I have to make sure they have all of their teeth (or at least a suitable partial/bridge!) and what their oral hygiene habits/standards are.

I know men want a full body photo. Mine is seated with my dog by my feet. I do need some new pics. Kind of difficult since I'm not a social butterfly and I'm the picture taker, not the one in them usually. Asking my daughter to take some for a dating site would be weird. Maybe I should mention to my friends to take pics whenever we go out so I have some good ones to choose from when I get back on the horse.

I disagree with Lisa. I think one can infer a lot from pics with friends. Their attire, grooming, posture... it all implies what that person's standards are. Friends are a reflection of us to a large degree. I have one with friends in Vegas with their faces marked out to be courteous.


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> This.........
> 
> spot on


Took me quite a few casual flings to figure this out...LOL

Well, not just that, but yeah, takes some time to really be able to detect patterns in people's behavior when it comes to discovering b.s.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Just like anything, you don't get results if you don't work at it. You get out what you put in.
> 
> Pun intended.


Yep which is just another representation of personality. 
One girl early on messaged me and her profile pic was so incredibly blurry I could barely tell it was her, her other pics were clear and she looked cute. Now I would just delete but like I said it was early on and I was just learning. I did talk to her for a bit and I find out the pic might have been blurry but it was from a happy time in her memories so that is why she liked it.

Ehhh to each their own. In my opinion if you speed into or through dates the relationship is most likely going to end the same way...come and gone. But what the hell do I know, I haven't hooked up with anyone yet...maybe that is actually my intentions though I don't know... your subconscious is a crazy place.


----------



## Disenchanted

whitehawk said:


> What's swiping ?


Let me google that for you


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Took me quite a few casual flings to figure this out...LOL
> 
> Well, not just that, but yeah, takes some time to really be able to detect patterns in people's behavior when it comes to discovering b.s.


My radar for BS was low for a while and I got taken advantage of. So no more of that!! I'm definitely honing my bs radar now 

I've never heard of RSVP? Geez there are so many of those sites out there now, how do you even choose!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Just had a convo with my ex-FWB on FB... (ex because she wanted to date again/find lovey dovey)

Always complaints about men! Complaints after complaints! Now being the capitalist I am, I'm steering her towards going back to FWB zone lol - she was HOT and nice in the sack!!!!

Still, BAH! I'm tempted to flash my success (which I've kept hidden) and get her to become emotionally attached and then use her but nah... I ain't like that... though I should be... BAH! AGAIN!


----------



## Disenchanted

welcome to the friendzone my friend


----------



## RandomDude

Friend zone is awezome for me! I get benefits!

Though this one is pissing me off when it comes to these benefits -.-

(Even resulted in me pitching women on the train for replacements as I lost 2 FWBS at once)


----------



## Disenchanted

RandomDude said:


> Friend zone is awezome for me! I get benefits!
> 
> Though this one is pissing me off when it comes to these benefits -.-
> 
> (Even resulted in me pitching women on the train for replacements as I lost 2 FWBS at once)


Never in a million years will I listen to any woman b!tch about other men.

Well, maybe my daughter in 10+ years, but that's it.


----------



## RandomDude

Agreed (recently)... I'm starting to see this, hell even after marriage I still have sh-t to learn


----------



## Disenchanted

EnjoliWoman said:


> Asking my daughter to take some for a dating site would be weird.


Don't know how old your daughter is, but mine loves taking pictures. We practice all the time, I have her snap shots of me for fun, she loves it. She happened to get one that turned out to be the best head shot I've ever had, just a fluke!

It's on my FB profile, LinkedIn, everywhere.

It's not the one in my TAM profile, but she did take that one too


----------



## Another Planet

Hmm I don't seem to get that from women. I wonder why? 
Either I surround myself with more positive people or you guys have way more woman drama then I do, which is fine by me you guys can keep that ****!


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Hmm I don't seem to get that from women. I wonder why?
> Either I surround myself with more positive people or *you guys have way more woman drama then I do, *which is fine by me you guys can keep that ****!


I don't think that is possible, AP


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't think that is possible, AP


Hey now lol
I don't ever hear women ***** to me about men! Not even my sisters.


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> My radar for BS was low for a while and I got taken advantage of. So no more of that!! I'm definitely honing my bs radar now
> 
> I've never heard of RSVP? Geez there are so many of those sites out there now, how do you even choose!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes agreed!
That happened to me with the possibly married man who i was texting with. I am too trusting, this new guy I am texting now offered his last name! He is such a gentleman for being so young. The "married" guy was 37 and playing such bs games!

I am good with tinder atm, will not pay for a dating site until I am seriously looking for a relationship, which I am not yet.


----------



## lisab0105

EnjoliWoman said:


> I agree - these are great suggestions.
> 
> I hate the ones that show their vehicles - if they want a gold digger, go ahead and impress them with your $50K Harley. Also when they have a LOT of scenic ones. I'm not sure if they are trying to show you the places they like to go but I've seen lots of beach and mountain pics - I'm not impressed unless it's ice floes or the great wall of China.
> 
> Men should be smiling in at LEAST one of them. Sorry, I have to make sure they have all of their teeth (or at least a suitable partial/bridge!) and what their oral hygiene habits/standards are.
> 
> I know men want a full body photo. Mine is seated with my dog by my feet. I do need some new pics. Kind of difficult since I'm not a social butterfly and I'm the picture taker, not the one in them usually. Asking my daughter to take some for a dating site would be weird. Maybe I should mention to my friends to take pics whenever we go out so I have some good ones to choose from when I get back on the horse.
> 
> *I disagree with Lisa. I think one can infer a lot from pics with friends. Their attire, grooming, posture... it all implies what that person's standards are. Friends are a reflection of us to a large degree. I have one with friends in Vegas with their faces marked out to be courteous*.


I just find it sooo cliché, especially when they all have a drink in their hand . Can't help it...I think it's lame  

What is the point of putting up a pic with you a bunch of blurred out faces? I think its very distracting and takes away from the potential date's picture. 

But I really did read quite a few times how it is a turn off to a lot of people, so I was just relaying that.  Everyone is so very different, there are no rules in the dating profile market...except no d*ck pics of coarse, unless you're on AFF.


----------



## moxy

Disenchanted said:


> Never in a million years will I listen to any woman b!tch about other men.
> 
> Well, maybe my daughter in 10+ years, but that's it.


Don't you have friends who are women? I talk to my friends about my life, they talk to me about theirs; conversations do encompass romantic entanglements at times. I don't see my friends as *only* romantic opportunities (though with many of them, I'd consider the option; vice versa, also true). Are you among the camp of people who believe that people of opposite genders can't be friends, only lovers? 

The certainty in your statements surprised me. So, I'm curious.


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> yes agreed!
> That happened to me with the possibly married man who i was texting with. I am too trusting, this new guy I am texting now offered his last name! He is such a gentleman for being so young. The "married" guy was 37 and playing such bs games!
> 
> I am good with tinder atm, will not pay for a dating site until I am seriously looking for a relationship, which I am not yet.


See, sometimes age doesn't matter!! This happened with a guy I met at the bus stop, he wouldn't tell me his last name, I was barely able to get any info. So when I finally called BS and said "later". He was like "what? After everything I shared??" hahaha, I had a good laugh about that one!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Put it this way Moxy, one of my cousin sisters, is a very mature/confident/beautiful/strong woman. She did have problems with men, but she RESPECTS THEM

Now there was once when she was single that I tried to hook her up with one of my mates. Now he was completely hopeless (even though I tried to 'train him' and wat not), but still the only bad thing she could say about him is "we're just not compatible". She respects how a man would pursue a woman.

Now she's happily married with a child (not with my friend however) and quite frankly she does have qualities I admire in a woman. It's all about fking respect


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Put it this way Moxy, one of my cousin sisters, is a very mature/confident/beautiful/strong woman. She did have problems with men, but she RESPECTS THEM
> 
> Now there was once when she was single that I tried to hook her up with one of my mates. Now he was completely hopeless (even though I tried to 'train him' and wat not), but still the only bad thing she could say about him is "we're just not compatible". She respects how a man would pursue a woman.
> 
> Now she's happily married with a child (not with my friend however) and quite frankly she does have qualities I admire in a woman. It's all about fking respect



One of your cousin's sisters?? Dude, doesn't that make her your cousin too? Lmfao 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> Put it this way Moxy, one of my cousin sisters, is a very mature/confident/beautiful/strong woman. She did have problems with men, but she RESPECTS THEM
> 
> Now there was once when she was single that I tried to hook her up with one of my mates. Now he was completely hopeless (even though I tried to 'train him' and wat not), but still the only bad thing she could say about him is "we're just not compatible". She respects how a man would pursue a woman.
> 
> Now she's happily married with a child (not with my friend however) and quite frankly she does have qualities I admire in a woman. *It's all about fking respect*


So is it respect for women that is halting you from doing this?


RandomDude said:


> Just had a convo with my ex-FWB on FB... (ex because she wanted to date again/find lovey dovey)
> 
> Always complaints about men! Complaints after complaints! Now being the capitalist I am, I'm steering her towards going back to FWB zone lol - she was HOT and nice in the sack!!!!
> 
> Still, BAH! *I'm tempted to flash my success (which I've kept hidden) and get her to become emotionally attached and then use her *but nah... I ain't like that... though I should be... BAH! AGAIN!


You're tempted to rope back in a girl you were screwing but cut off because she started to like you too much...I don't get it. What makes you think you should do that to her?


----------



## RandomDude

Errr... :scratchhead:

She is my cousin =/
My cousin sister


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Kissing cousins?:rofl:


Hey sweet, how's it hanging? Lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> So is it respect for women that is halting you from doing this?


It goes bothways obviously!



> You're tempted to rope back in a girl you were screwing but cut off because she started to like you too much...I don't get it. What make you think you should so that to her?


Errr, I did cut her off, and I am (and finding new FWBs in the process)

Temptation is one thing
Resistance and doing something better is another

I have chosen the 2nd option


----------



## Jellybeans

RD, stop making out with your cousins. Really. Just, no.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Temptation is one thing
> Resistance and doing something better is another
> 
> I have chosen the 2nd option


Good. You already know FWB ain't gonna work with her. Move on.


----------



## familyfirst09

lisab0105 said:


> So is it respect for women that is halting you from doing this?
> 
> 
> You're tempted to rope back in a girl you were screwing but cut off because she started to like you too much...I don't get it. What makes you think you should do that to her?


Yeah...that's not cool. she could just be complaining to you to try and make you jealous? If she wants more and you don't then you should just let her be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Long, loose, and full of juice.



Lol gross!!!!! There's gotta be cream or something for that!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Can you squeeze it at all after kettle-balling your privates? 

:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Good. You already know FWB ain't gonna work with her. Move on.


I have 2 numbers to call so far! How much you wanna bet one or even both are fake? lol

I picked up them on the train!


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> Can you squeeze it at all after kettle-balling your privates?
> 
> :rofl:



Lolololol!!

Hey sweet, what ever happened to that pic you were gonna post of yourself, instead of the fake avatar??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> It goes bothways obviously!
> 
> 
> 
> Errr, I did cut her off, and I am (and finding new FWBs in the process)
> 
> Temptation is one thing
> Resistance and doing something better is another
> 
> I have chosen the 2nd option


Of coarse resisting is better, it is just weird that someone who was just talking about respect would even be tempted to do that to her in the first place (after you already cut her off) and you followed it with that you aren't like that...but should be. 

Just seems like a big contradiction to me, RD.


----------



## vi_bride04

familyfirst09 said:


> Hey sweet, how's it hanging? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With a kettle bell attached


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah but if you are trying to PICK UP CHICKS or create a connection online, prob best to post a profile picture of yourself, alone, not of you with another woman. I immediately bypassed this guy based on that alone.


This x1000. If has an air of "see what I can pull" to me. Unless it looks like the guy's sister or mother - I immediately swipe left.

My friends and I have compiled a list of Tinder Don'ts:

-Guys Zoolandering (Shout out to JB!)
-Guys whose main pic is an acting/modeling headshot
-No profile description. At all.
-"Looking for fun" or "Likes to have fun"
-Men posing with unhappy animals or children
-Anyone not exercising yet wearing a bandana 
-"I'm too sexy for my shirt" pics
- Pics of sports cars
- Image not sized right so it's super blurry pics
- I just learned how to use photoshop and am retouching the sh$t out of my photos pics
-Weiner pics (yup, it happens)
-Guys cozied up with a lady who is obviously not their Mom/Sister


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> I have 2 numbers to call so far! How much you wanna bet one or even both are fake? lol
> 
> I picked up them on the train!



I gave a guy a fake number once. My luck he tried to dial it in front of me, haha. That was awkward. I turned beat red and walked away!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> Of coarse resisting is better, it is just weird that someone who was just talking about respect would even be tempted to do that to her in the first place (after you already cut her off) and you followed it with that you aren't like that...but should be.
> 
> Just seems like a big contradiction to me, RD.


:scratchhead:

What you mean exactly?

I chose not to lead her on, regardless of the voices in my head

Or are you one of the lucky ones who only hears the voices of angels and not demons?


----------



## Disenchanted

moxy said:


> Don't you have friends who are women?


Yes, but I am half their age plus 7 years or they're older than that.


----------



## familyfirst09

Bell...ball...what's the difference, it's still something unnatural to be hanging from your penis!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> Bell...ball...what's the difference, it's still something unnatural to be hanging from your penis!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


technically, wearing clothes is unnatural.


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> What you mean exactly?
> 
> I chose not to lead her on, regardless of the voices in my head
> 
> Or are you one of the lucky ones who only hears the voices of angels and not demons?


RD, I quoted you. You were talking to the FWB you cut off, she was talking crap about another guy. It irritated you. 

You liked having sex with her, but she got emotional and you cut her off. You are tempted to show off your success, reel her back in even though you KNOW she will have feelings for you..and than what..cut her off again for the sheer entertainment value of it. But, you are not like that, so you won't...but you should be. 

Than you were talking about how women need to have respect for men. 

The fact that you were even tempted to do this to her shows you have a lack of respect and shouldn't be preaching about it to anyone else.


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> I gave a guy a fake number once. My luck he tried to dial it in front of me, haha. That was awkward. I turned beat red and walked away!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg. Funny!



Nsweet said:


> It's called a "kettle*bell*". Get it right! Kettle-BELL. If you mess that up then call it a girya.
> 
> You people highly underestimate me in your jokes. Been at this 12 years now.


:rofl: Look at you getting sassy.



familyfirst09 said:


> Bell...ball...what's the difference, it's still something unnatural to be hanging from your penis!!!


:iagree:

Oh you guys are cracking me up today!


----------



## Lon

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, that's what he is supposed to do. You get a number, you call her right then and there. If you're not a complete loser or creep and know how to hold a decent conversation you shouldn't get a fake one, but it doesn't hurt to check. It also is a shock for her to have a guy promise to call and then do it in front of her. So long as you don't start acting like a stalker it's fine.


would have been really funny is when the person on the other end picked up he handed the phone to FF9!


----------



## Another Planet

OMG this thread never ceases to amaze me and make me LOL


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, that's what he is supposed to do. You get a number, you call her right then and there. If you're not a complete loser or creep and know how to hold a decent conversation you shouldn't get a fake one, but it doesn't hurt to check. It also is a shock for her to have a guy promise to call and then do it in front of her. So long as you don't start acting like a stalker it's fine.


I don't think I could ever call a number right in front of the guy. I think I'd rather be out of site before I feel like a loser cause he gave me a fake number lol. Altho I've never asked a guy for his number...yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon meant FamilyFirst09. 

NSweet, who was the married chick on TAM who was hitting on you and who you called her on it? (The one you were talking about in the other thread)?


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> would have been really funny is when the person on the other end picked up he handed the phone to FF9!



Hey you never know, maybe I was responsible for a love connection. I ran away way to fast for him to hand me the phone lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> Lon meant FamilyFirst09.
> 
> NSweet, who was the married chick on TAM who was hitting on you and who you called her on it? (The one you were talking about in the other thread)?


Yep that's me 

I mean ff09, not the married chick who hit on nsweet 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> Lon meant FamilyFirst09.


yes, and I had to put 9 on it because to me, FF is FrenchFry (it is hard keeping all the acronyms straight), even though in the context of the discussion I'm sure it'd have been clear.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> This x1000. If has an air of "see what I can pull" to me. Unless it looks like the guy's sister or mother - I immediately swipe left.
> 
> My friends and I have compiled a list of Tinder Don'ts:
> 
> -Guys Zoolandering (Shout out to JB!)
> -Guys whose main pic is an acting/modeling headshot
> -No profile description. At all.
> -"Looking for fun" or "Likes to have fun"
> -Men posing with unhappy animals or children
> -Anyone not exercising yet wearing a bandana
> -"I'm too sexy for my shirt" pics
> - Pics of sports cars
> - Image not sized right so it's super blurry pics
> - I just learned how to use photoshop and am retouching the sh$t out of my photos pics
> -Weiner pics (yup, it happens)
> -Guys cozied up with a lady who is obviously not their Mom/Sister


I have broken some of your rules, but I suppose since I am woman, it does not apply to me.

I have no profile description at all!
I only have 3 pics~


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> yes, and I had to put 9 on it because to me, FF is FrenchFry (it is hard keeping all the acronyms straight), even though in the context of the discussion I'm sure it'd have been clear.


I know! Sometimes I wonder if people are talking about me or frenchfry 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> RD, I quoted you. You were talking to the FWB you cut off, she was talking crap about another guy. It irritated you.
> 
> You liked having sex with her, but she got emotional and you cut her off. You are tempted to show off your success, reel her back in even though you KNOW she will have feelings for you..and than what..cut her off again for the sheer entertainment value of it. But, you are not like that, so you won't...but you should be.
> 
> Than you were talking about how women need to have respect for men.
> 
> The fact that you were even tempted to do this to her shows you have a lack of respect and shouldn't be preaching about it to anyone else.


Oh great so I should be critised for my darkest thoughts which I did NOT act upon?

I had those options and I CHOSE REGARDLESS OF TEMPTATION

-.-

Sheez

You know I'm still a man with a daughter who has a heart ya? I'm not some heartless player ya know!


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Oh great so I should be critised for my darkest thoughts which I did NOT act upon?
> 
> I had those options and I CHOSE REGARDLESS OF TEMPTATION
> 
> -.-
> 
> Sheez
> 
> You know I'm still a man with a daughter who has a heart ya? I'm not some heartless player ya know!



I think maybe your first post on this was mis-read, at least I think I misread it. I think what you are saying is that you put this lady in the friendzone because she wanted more than a friendship with you which is very good on you. Now you are having thoughts of initiating a fwb again with her BUT you are NOT going to carry thru with it because you are not a player. 

Am I correct????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> My friends and I have compiled a list of Tinder Don'ts:
> 
> -*Guys Zoolandering (Shout out to JB!)*
> -Guys whose main pic is an acting/modeling headshot
> -No profile description. At all.
> -"Looking for fun" or "Likes to have fun"
> -*Men posing with unhappy animals or children*
> -*Anyone not exercising yet wearing a bandana *
> -"I'm too sexy for my shirt" pics
> - Pics of sports cars
> - Image not sized right so it's super blurry pics
> - *I just learned how to use photoshop and am retouching the sh$t out of my photos pics*
> *-Weiner pics (yup, it happens)*
> -Guys cozied up with a lady who is obviously not their Mom/Sister


:rofl: :rofl: The bandana!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I would rather not say.


Dammit!!!! 

Cause I have an idea in my mind. :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

familyfirst09 said:


> I think maybe your first post on this was mis-read, at least I think I misread it. I think what you are saying is that you put this lady in the friendzone because she wanted more than a friendship with you which is very good on you. Now you are having thoughts of initiating a fwb again with her BUT you are NOT going to carry thru with it because you are not a player.
> 
> Am I correct????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never led on a woman in my life and not going to start now.

But I'm not going to deny that I face temptations daily in regards to it.


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Never led on a woman in my life and not going to start now.
> 
> But I'm not going to deny that I face temptations daily in regards to it.


Well of course!! You are human!!! But if you don't lead anyone on, then you are a stand up guy in my books!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Never led on a woman in my life and not going to start now.
> 
> *But I'm not going to deny that I face temptations daily in regards to it*.


Of course you do, you poor thing. LOL


----------



## Lon

Nsweet said:


> It's probably the right idea too.


I am always so out of the loop. I don't like to gossip but sometimes would be nice to know what people are talking about 

I was surprised when I read that horrendous thread by that fogged up lady, that she is still not banned nor the TAM member (another complete mystery to me) she supposedly is having EA with. I wonder if either are in my contacts list?


----------



## RandomDude

familyfirst09 said:


> Well of course!! You are human!!! But if you don't lead anyone on, then you are a stand up guy in my books!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You mean I should? =/

:scratchhead: What?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: :rofl: The bandana!!!!


The guy holding a fish pics are always bad...

even worse they combine two bad pics into one: the guy holding fish pic while shirtless......

hahahahaha


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> You mean I should? =/
> 
> :scratchhead: What?



No!!! Lol. If you just want to get laid, go get laid. Just don't do it with someone who has feelings for you, that's just wrong and mean.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

No, she's saying you are stand up guy cause you're not leading them on.


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> I am always so out of the loop. I don't like to gossip but sometimes would be nice to know what people are talking about
> 
> I was surprised when I read that horrendous thread by that fogged up lady, that she is still not banned nor the TAM member (another complete mystery to me) she supposedly is having EA with. I wonder if either are in my contacts list?



What's this now???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> The guy holding a fish pics are always bad...
> 
> even worse they combine two bad pics into one: the guy holding fish pic while shirtless......
> 
> hahahahaha


:rofl: Or in hunting gear with a rifle. HELL NO. I would never. No no no no no. 

LOL @ shirtless fish guy! Which is hilarious cause one of my friends from high school has a picture of him standing in a river, shirtless, holding a fish...OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD. I never thought that was funny til you said something right now. Hehehehe.

Check your PM Unsure.


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> No, she's saying you are stand up guy cause you're not leading them on.



Exactly!! If you want to fill a void, fill it with someone who doesn't give a sh*t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Exactly!! If you want to fill a void, fill it with someone who doesn't give a sh*t.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: The truth.


----------



## ne9907

I like the world traveler pictures! Last week, i was talking to this guy (yes, he was like 24), and he had been all over the world!!!

I got jealous... that is my life you little punk!!


----------



## RandomDude

The temptation is so real mate, hell right now I'm even waiting for just one decent excuse to do it

But thanks, I'll keep to my moral standards for myself

Looking around me, everyone else does... I have many friends who are also business owners (in which I'm partnered with) and they play the same game. But unlike them, I'm straight up.

Still, they get away with their sh-t, and they get more than me.

They got $$$... they make their women dependent on them... meh
I got $$$ I don't spend sh-t and to hell with a dependent woman like STBX!!!! BAH!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Dammit!!!!
> 
> Cause I have an idea in my mind. :rofl:





Nsweet said:


> It's probably the right idea too.


Right out of the gate on here I had a married woman messaging me after I posted a pic in the "post a recent pic" thread...
I don't think anything of it, but then again I have bad boundaries and was already use to that kind of thing from my experiences with married women.

NOT anymore!!! You guys should be proud of yourselves! You turned this assclown around


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Right out of the gate on here I had a married woman messaging me after I posted a pic in the "post a recent pic" thread...
> I don't think anything of it, but then again I have bad boundaries and was already use to that kind of thing from my experiences with married women.
> 
> NOT anymore!!! You guys should be proud of yourselves! You turned this assclown around


You are just hot AP, I am not gonna lie, i have a tiny crush on you


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> The guy holding a fish pics are always bad...
> 
> even worse they combine two bad pics into one: the guy holding fish pic while shirtless......
> 
> hahahahaha


hey hey hey you saw my profile, I am holding a fish...with my daughter who caught it


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> The temptation is so real mate, hell right now I'm even waiting for just one decent excuse to do it
> 
> But thanks, I'll keep to my moral standards for myself
> 
> Looking around me, everyone else does... I have many friends who are also business owners (in which I'm partnered with) and they play the same game. But unlike them, I'm straight up.
> 
> Still, they get away with their sh-t, and they get more than me.
> 
> They got $$$... they make their women dependent on them... meh
> I got $$$ I don't spend sh-t and to hell with a dependent woman like STBX!!!! BAH!



How do you know they're getting more?? Because of their bragging?? Again those that brag and brag are usually the ones at home with the kleenex box. Just sayin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> You are just hot AP, I am not gonna lie, i have a tiny crush on you


 I'll let you know if I come around the Cali area anytime soon lol
I'll buy you lunch.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I'll let you know if I come around the Cali area anytime soon lol
> I'll buy you lunch.



/swoon..


----------



## RandomDude

Errr... seen 'em mate, quite frankly they are better off, they have multiple women depended on them, one of them is even honest like me; and gets away with it - fking 2 women who know about each other.

I'm not "big fish" mate, I'm still young, not even 30 yet, so I have to learn. Still... I just hope these morals can withstand such impact of influence, my elders are telling me that my own morals are fked up

Funny really, being established at under 30

Meh... maybe I'm still naive... maybe I should be like them, hell I know I can do it, 5-10 women at once. Break hearts, who cares eh?
*sigh* Every fking weekend I have my daughter who installs this "moral responsibility" crap on me (indirectly)


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> hey hey hey you saw my profile, I am holding a fish...with my daughter who caught it


hahahahahahahahahahahahahayhahah


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Errr... seen 'em mate, quite frankly they are better off, they have multiple women depended on them, one of them is even honest like me; and gets away with it - fking 2 women who know about each other.
> 
> I'm not "big fish" mate, I'm still young, not even 30 yet, so I have to learn. Still... I just hope these morals can withstand such impact of influence, my elders are telling me that my own morals are fked up
> 
> Funny really, being established at under 30
> 
> Meh... maybe I'm still naive... maybe I should be like them, hell I know I can do it, 5-10 women at once. Break hearts, who cares eh?
> *sigh* Every fking weekend I have my daughter who installs this "moral responsibility" crap on me (indirectly)


lol just DON'T get married!!!! You think you are established just wait till she destroys everything you worked incredibly hard for!!!
I spent my entire 20's building a ***ing badass life and then she destroyed it all...well I can't blame her entirely because I did not stop her but I thought you were suppose to be able to trust the person you married.

If I get married again I will have so much legalize mixed in there will be no point in being married.


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> What's this now???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


nevermind, not relevant to the singles thread! (though neither am I really, since many nights I am not reading and commenting here to to other adult activities, IYKWIM) I feel like uncle Drerio on this thread, experiencing all the drama vicariously through you guys, just not in the comfort of 80 degree temps.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> lol just DON'T get married!!!! You think you are established just wait till she destroys everything you worked incredibly hard for!!!
> I spent my entire 20's building a ***ing badass life and then she destroyed it all...well I can't blame her entirely because I did not stop her but I thought you were suppose to be able to trust the person you married.
> 
> If I get married again I will have so much legalize mixed in there will be no point in being married.


Hahaha well mate, my STBX has already taken the majority of my capital (which I made her promise it's for capital in regards to our daughter's needs - she now has enough to enter any private uni she wishes in the future, even aviation, I've kept my promise)

However I've made up from my losses by successfully maintaining ownership of my business last year and further expansions planned this year (unfortunately not going so well it seems).

I've still lost my house and... my capital, not going to say how much. Let's just say it's money that I lost sleep over, that I've sweated for, worked 12-16 hours a day/night for, 7 days for, went to bed wishing I never woke up for...

But FK MARRIAGE MATE, FWBS THE WAY TO GO
Still... seems women all want marriage, even FWBs, which makes everything short term. Makes me tempted to just fking go "BAD" all the way, seduce and USE and NOT GIVE A SH_T!
Why not? When I CAN!

BAH!


----------



## ne9907

I do not want marriage. I want to become a bum


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Hahaha well mate, my STBX has already taken the majority of my capital (which I made her promise it's for capital in regards to our daughter's needs - she now has enough to enter any private uni she wishes in the future, even aviation, I've kept my promise)
> 
> However I've made up from my losses by successfully maintaining ownership of my business last year and further expansions planned this year (unfortunately not going so well it seems).
> 
> I've still lost my house and... my capital, not going to say how much. Let's just say it's money that I lost sleep over, that I've sweated for, worked 12-16 hours a day/night for, 7 days for, went to bed wishing I never woke up for...
> 
> But FK MARRIAGE MATE, FWBS THE WAY TO GO
> Still... seems women all want marriage, even FWBs, which makes everything short term. Makes me tempted to just fking go "BAD" all the way, seduce and USE and NOT GIVE A SH_T!
> Why not? When I CAN!
> 
> BAH!


Hey we're on the same page then lol
Same thing as me, I told her I would take all the debt as long as I get to keep everything concerning my business and get the kids 50/50, I knew I would be able to erase the debt and it would just ruin her. And you know what it worked out, I have most of the debt gone already and she has her own place and supposedly is working on a boyfriend and I am doing great and am slowly working on dating.......


----------



## RandomDude

The hell is a burn?


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I feel like uncle Drerio on this thread, experiencing all the drama vicariously through you guys, just not in the comfort of 80 degree temps.


This cracked me up!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I got $$$ I don't spend sh-t and to hell with a dependent woman like STBX!!!! BAH!


You need to find yourself an independent woman. With her own cash money. 



Another Planet said:


> Right out of the gate on here I had a married woman messaging me after I posted a pic in the "post a recent pic" thread...


Wow. Name names! I wonder if it's the same one who was hitting Nsweet up. 



Another Planet said:


> lol just DON'T get married!!!!


Right? That's how I see it. Omg no. NO NO NO to marriage. Hahaha.



Lon said:


> I feel like uncle Drerio on this thread, experiencing all the drama vicariously through you guys, just not in the comfort of 80 degree temps.


So glad we can entertain you.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Hey we're on the same page then lol
> Same thing as me, I told her I would take all the debt as long as I get to keep everything concerning my business and get the kids 50/50, I knew I would be able to erase the debt and it would just ruin her. And you know what it worked out, I have most of the debt gone already and she has her own place and supposedly is working on a boyfriend and I am doing great and am slowly working on dating.......


Slowly? Haha

Well mate, if anyone here can convince me to let out my inner demon of "complete playboy behaviour" I will be sure to encourage it in everyone. Cause quite frankly...

I am becoming more and more disillusioned with morality


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> The hell is a burn?


Haha. I think she meant BUM.

Well I don't ever want to be a bum but I can assure you, I do'nt want to get married.

I finally respondd to Social Media Guy. I told him I appreciated his thoughtful love letter to me and his apology and his asking me out (thoughtful in a stalker way) but told him, I can't. Not into it. He said he was having some problems in his life and I made a joke about how hopefully it nothing he has to leave the country for (remember when he invited me on an overseas vacation with him after I told him I didn't want to go on another date with him)?... to which he said something about us getting married and I said, "Marriage. Not to me. I am never getting married again."

For some reason these words seem to turn some men on more. 

:scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> You need to find yourself an independent woman. With her own cash money.


And you know how I was years ago?
I was a lowlife, earning scraps, working part-time. Now I'm on BD engaging with the key players in hospitality today after years of marriage. My motivation = my daughter (FK STBXW)

Independent woman eh? Yeah sure, money for the business from ex-husbands or parents. Had they ever had to walk the hard yards to earn the respect of their employers enough to let you take over the business like family? Had they ever had to walk the hard yards hard-selling your business to unknown investors willing to contribute thousands of dollars to your enterprise?

Sorry... but not once have I met my equal
Too much to ask for


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> For some reason these words seem to turn some men on more.
> 
> :scratchhead:


depends on your definition of "men"


----------



## Another Planet

I am going to put a pic of bleacher up in my profile. Not sure how long I will keep it up. But we are setup for Sunday lunch now 
I just can't drop this girl sorry, I have to give it a good chance!


----------



## RandomDude

Meh I just want a good ramming without strings attached


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Independent woman eh?* Yeah sure, money for the business from ex-husbands or parents*.


I am neither of those and have my own money. You just haven't found them yet.


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> And you know how I was years ago?
> I was a lowlife, earning scraps, working part-time. Now I'm on BD engaging with the key players in hospitality today after years of marriage. My motivation = my daughter (FK STBXW)
> 
> Independent woman eh? Yeah sure, money for the business from ex-husbands or parents. Had they ever had to walk the hard yards to earn the respect of their employers enough to let you take over the business like family? Had they ever had to walk the hard yards hard-selling your business to unknown investors willing to contribute thousands of dollars to your enterprise?
> 
> Sorry... but not once have I met my equal
> Too much to ask for


I feel like giving out a spanking today....

Sorry Sweetheart but you have never met me... no one has given me anything..... I earned it all for myself... My exh was useless, I was the one bringing home all the money.....I worked 2 to 3 jobs all throught school... then got into my career after college... I traveled and worked 60-80 hrs a week consistently for 7+ yrs.... At this point in my career I now manage multi-million dollar projects.... The only thing that slowed my career path down is once i had a child, because I also have my child every day but 4 days a month... so i decided that spending time with my child was more important than working 60-80 hrs a week. 

oh and im totally hot to boot


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> depends on your definition of "men"


You know, men, the opposite of women.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I am going to put a pic of bleacher up in my profile. Not sure how long I will keep it up. But we are setup for Sunday lunch now
> I just can't drop this girl sorry, I have to give it a good chance!


she is cute......buuuuuuutttt she is bleacher!!!!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha I saw her, too. Oh, AP. I think you like drama just as much as RD does. Hahahaha.


----------



## RandomDude

Well I haven't met ladies like you JB or Unsure currently

Maybe soon, but time will tell


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> You know, men, the opposite of women.


An _adult_ male worth his salt takes rejection with grace and aplomb.

There's millions of fish in the sea.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Well I haven't met ladies like you JB or Unsure currently


We are a very tough act to find/follow.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> An _adult_ male worth his salt takes rejection with grace and aplomb.


That's what I thought, too. 

I seriously seriously have never seen anything like it. Dis, I rejected him (after he flaked me twice) and he asked me out about thirty more times after that. Weird, right? Then he wrote me the long love letter. We only went on two dates. Why would a guy do that?


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Independent woman eh? Yeah sure, money for the business from ex-husbands or parents.


Well no wonder you don't respect women, you think they are leaches!




Jellybeans said:


> I am neither of those and have my own money. You just haven't found them yet.


Yup same here. My own money. Screw depending on another human being to be able to buy food or gas or pay my rent!



unsure78 said:


> I feel like giving out a spanking today....
> 
> Sorry Sweetheart but you have never met me... no one has given me anything..... I earned it all for myself... .....
> 
> *oh and im totally hot to boot *


I think RD would like that spanking too much LOL


----------



## Ikaika

Disenchanted said:


> An _adult_ male worth his salt takes rejection with grace and aplomb.
> 
> 
> 
> There's millions of fish in the sea.



Oh but there is only one Jelly.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Well no wonder you don't respect women, you think they are leaches!


Well yeah, you guys kinda s....

:rofl:

I'm kidding I'm kidding LOL
(I'm sorry, just can't resist >.<! )


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup same here. My own money. Screw depending on another human being to be able to buy food or gas or pay my rent!


Right?! :iagree: There is seriously nothing scarier to me. I can't imagine actively choosing that. 



drerio said:


> Oh but there is only one Jelly.


Thanks, Uncle D! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Right?! :iagree: There is seriously nothing scarier to me. I can't imagine actively choosing that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks, Uncle D! :smthumbup:



You got it! And hopefully social media guy will eventually catch the drift.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> oh and im totally hot to boot


I don't even care what you look like, with that attitude you are hot


----------



## RandomDude

Think I'm due for a spanking...


----------



## Jellybeans

Funny side note. Colleague bought a little jellybean machine and offered me jellybeans today. Made me stick a coin in it to retrieve the candy and everything.

It looks like this:


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Then he wrote me the long love letter. We only went on two dates. Why would a guy do that?


Cause he's emotionally developed all the way to a 12 year old.


----------



## Disenchanted

RandomDude said:


> Think I'm due for a spanking...


I'd let her spank me for $10.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Cause he's emotionally developed all the way to a 12 year old.


Which is really funny because on our dates he seemed to be even kind of distant! So the clinginess afterwards, and after he flaked totally threw me off. I was thinking, WHERE did this come from? Sheesh. I don't get it.

Oh and Unsure is totally hot. She speaketh the truth.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I don't even care what you look like, with that attitude you are hot


I take that compliment


----------



## RandomDude

Disenchanted said:


> I'd let her spank me for $10.


You charge too cheap, you need to build up your confidence, close her at $1000 and work your way down hehe (might end up with $250)


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Which is really funny because on our dates he seemed to be even kind of distant! So the clinginess afterwards, and after he flaked totally threw me off. I was thinking, WHERE did this come from? Sheesh. I don't get it.
> 
> Oh and Unsure is totally hot. She speaketh the truth.


Just stop wasting your time with men that have no confidence, they'll never get your juices flowing.

And yeah I've seen unsure's pic, she's okay.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> I take that compliment


Goes both ways, self esteem and confidence are the most attractive features on _anybody_.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> And yeah I've seen unsure's pic, she's okay.


HAHAHAHAH im just Ok....Ya know take it or leave it... LOVE IT


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> HAHAHAHAH im just Ok....Ya know take it or leave it... LOVE IT


It's the ass, sorry.


----------



## Disenchanted

OMG I've never seen your ass. Can't believe I stopped the thread with that corny joke.

Carry on people.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Just stop wasting your time with men that have no confidence, they'll never get your juices flowing.


I told him I was done eons ago.  He got hit with a Jelly hex. Not my fault. Sometimes it's too potent. 

DAT ASS is more than just ok. KWIM, Unsure? Hahahaha.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Well yeah, you guys kinda s....
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> I'm kidding I'm kidding LOL
> (I'm sorry, just can't resist >.<! )


Don't group me in with those types of women, thanks!


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> I am neither of those and have my own money. You just haven't found them yet.



Me either. I got my own money, my own house, my own car and frankly I make more money than most if not all of the men I have met. I may have taken a hit with my divorce but I'm bouncing back. There are independent women out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> I feel like giving out a spanking today....
> 
> Sorry Sweetheart but you have never met me... no one has given me anything..... I earned it all for myself... My exh was useless, I was the one bringing home all the money.....I worked 2 to 3 jobs all throught school... then got into my career after college... I traveled and worked 60-80 hrs a week consistently for 7+ yrs.... At this point in my career I now manage multi-million dollar projects.... The only thing that slowed my career path down is once i had a child, because I also have my child every day but 4 days a month... so i decided that spending time with my child was more important than working 60-80 hrs a week.
> 
> oh and im totally hot to boot


Haha. Your awesome 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Just stop wasting your time with men that have no confidence, they'll never get your juices flowing.


This is so true. And definitely one of my requirements to keep dating someone. I can smell insecurity from across the room so has been easy to cut my losses without a second thought so far.


----------



## Another Planet

Tough crowd


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Tough crowd


Have to be tough to put up with the b.s. of the dating world!! LOL


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> she is cute......buuuuuuutttt she is bleacher!!!!!!!!


She sure is 



Jellybeans said:


> Haha I saw her, too. Oh, AP. I think you like drama just as much as RD does. Hahahaha.


Could be because the plot thickens. She FB friend requested me yesterday, she is not involved with anyone. I think all the funny stuff comes from her divorce, it must have been a rough one because the walls were up big time. I don't know what light switch she hit but she turned it on and turned me on.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> She sure is
> 
> 
> 
> Could because the plot thickens. She FB friend requested me yesterday, she is not involved with anyone. I think all the funny stuff comes from her divorce, it must have been a rough one because the walls were up big time. I don't know what light switch she hit but she turned it on and turned me on.


Ok fill me in, who is bleacher??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> She sure is
> 
> 
> 
> Could be because the plot thickens. She FB friend requested me yesterday, she is not involved with anyone. I think all the funny stuff comes from her divorce, it must have been a rough one because the walls were up big time. I don't know what light switch she hit but she turned it on and turned me on.


doesn't mean anything my fb status always says "single" now... i dont change it even if im with someone, im not into the whole putting on fb thing, i kinda use fb for my kid pics for fam and stuff... I think i would only change it if i got married



and i actually am starting to form a theory about you Another... I think you may be a push/pull kinda guy, like Jellys social media guy..


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok fill me in, who is bleacher??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of the women I talk to and talk about here. We have been talking since around Christmas and haven't even met. Had a couple dates but they were cancelled. It's an odd relationship for sure.

The ladies here deemed her bleacher hat because one Friday night she told me she was stressed out from the week and was bleaching her bathrooms lol


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> One of the women I talk to and talk about here. We have been talking since around Christmas and haven't even met. Had a couple dates but they were cancelled. It's an odd relationship for sure.
> 
> The ladies here deemed her bleacher hat because one Friday night she told me she was stressed out from the week and was bleaching her bathrooms lol



How come you haven't met?? Thats a long time to chat with someone without meeting. Doesn't the interest die off after that long??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Well I haven't met ladies like you JB or Unsure currently
> 
> Maybe soon, but time will tell


These three fine specimens are but a delectable taste of the many very real and very attractive women out there all around you. But you cannot find what you do not seek.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> doesn't mean anything my fb status always says "single" now... i dont change it even if im with someone, im not into the whole putting on fb thing, i kinda use fb for my kid pics for fam and stuff... I think i would only change it if i got married
> 
> 
> 
> and i actually am starting to form a theory about you Another... I think you may be a push/pull kinda guy, like Jellys social media guy..


Am not  I am just reacting to her.
Since she cancelled Saturday I don't think I have talked to her at all. She is the one that contacted me, set up, Sunday and FB requested me.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> How come you haven't met?? Thats a long time to chat with someone without meeting. Doesn't the interest die off after that long??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Guess not. I still don't think she is ready to be honest.


It is an interesting situation that is for sure. I will not talk to her for a week then drop a text, she will go a couple days then drop a text...
If I was to describe it it is laid back, if the other TAM'ers were to explain it they would probably call it flaky LOL


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Guess not. I still don't think she is ready to be honest.
> 
> 
> It is an interesting situation that is for sure. I will not talk to her for a week then drop a text, she will go a couple days then drop a text...
> If I was to describe it it is laid back, if the other TAM'ers were to explain it they would probably call it flaky LOL


Ahh, well if she went thru a hard time, she may be intimidated to get back into all, I've been there. You're intrigued now but it could be totally different once you meet her, good or bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

No, not flaky, just not a priority to either of you.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> No, not flaky, just not a priority to either of you.


I have a guy like that in my life - frenchie - he kinda pops in and out and leisure, it's not a big deal, and I'm okay with it. Now if it was someone I was interested in and they just popped in and out or waited like a week to say hi, I'd have to tell him to go fvck himself cause that's disrespectful. 

If you're both on the same page tho, then that's cool.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

MF just reminded me...
Happy steak and bj day fellas!! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> MF just reminded me...
> Happy steak and bj day fellas!! Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Holy crap, no even on FB mentioned this today! I totally forgot, lol!


----------



## jpr

It's Pi Day, people. PI DAY!

...wouldn't you rather eat out the center of a nice, juicy, warm peach pie than have a steak and bj????


----------



## familyfirst09

jpr said:


> It's Pi Day, people. PI DAY!
> 
> ...wouldn't you rather eat out the center of a nice, juicy, warm peach pie than have a steak and bj????


Yeah...no...and im a woman lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> It's Pi Day, people. PI DAY!
> 
> ...wouldn't you rather eat out the center of a nice, juicy, warm peach pie than have a steak and bj????


I with you!
Have been wishing everyone happy Pi Day!~


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> No, not flaky, just not a priority to either of you.


So be it I guess. When we feel like making it a priority I guess we will. I am pretty sure she is not mad at me and I am definitely not mad at her.



familyfirst09 said:


> If you're both on the same page tho, then that's cool.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes I think this is where we confuse the rest. There is no cookie cutter relationship and this is just another strange version. To me we are just friends who talk and have talked about dating and have tried but haven't succeed. We will hook it up someday. We both have kids pretty much full time and we both have careers and other life stuff...
jeez once again this is strangely sounding like a relationship :scratchhead:



3Xnocharm said:


> Holy crap, no even on FB mentioned this today! I totally forgot, lol!


Yeah that's cause no one cares 
No not really I don't give a **** if no one cares


----------



## Lon

jpr said:


> It's Pi Day, people. PI DAY!
> 
> ...wouldn't you rather eat out the center of a nice, juicy, warm peach pie than have a steak and bj????


bj for appie, steak for dindin, pie for deezert, then another bj for nightcap.


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> Yeah...no...and im a woman lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


don't know what you're missing!


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> don't know what you're missing!


Oh I'm sure I do and I will stick with steak thanks! Lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> Oh I'm sure I do and I will stick with steak thanks! Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, no clams for me either! :rofl:


----------



## krismimo

Happy F Day everyone! Question what is tinder?


----------



## vi_bride04

krismimo said:


> Happy F Day everyone! Question what is tinder?


Dating app
Either you like a person or not
If they like you back you can message
But cannot message until they do and vise versa


----------



## ne9907

Wondering if I am still a romantic....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Wondering if I am still a romantic....


Do you want to be a romantic?


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Do you want to be a romantic?


I would love to... but I find cynisim in everything love related.

Yet, I do love to look at the stars .... I dont know. I am kinda bored at work!~


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> I would love to... but I find cynisim in everything love related.
> 
> Yet, I do love to look at the stars .... I dont know. I am kinda bored at work!~



I think I am a romantic at heart, but right now, I don't think I have a romance bone in my body. But I know it'll come back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I would love to... but I find cynisim in everything love related.
> 
> Yet, I do love to look at the stars .... I dont know. I am kinda bored at work!~


I feel the same way. 

Yet why do I like to watch BBC adaptations of Charlotte Bronte novels?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I would love to... I do love to look at the stars


Then yes you are.


----------



## Another Planet

I have never really understood a definition for a romantic. Do you guys have one? 

Is it someone that wisks a woman of her feet from a crisis situation?
Is it someone who holds a door for you and takes your coat off?
Is it someone who buys you a car or a house?
Is it someone who just thinks of you and lets you know?
Is it someone who proclaims his love for you from all the roof tops or flies a banner from a plane saying he loves you?
Is it someone who carries your groceries in and does the dishes for you and helps fold laundry?
Is it someone who lays and looks at the stars dreaming dreams with you?
Is it someone who brutishly sacrifices his life for you?
Is it someone who showers you with constant flattery?

Anyone know?


----------



## familyfirst09

Draw me a bubble bath and we will get along just fine 

How about an "xo" in the middle of the day just because...that's romantic to me. I think It means different things to different people. My ex thought it was a card signed "me". Not even close buddy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Draw me a bubble bath and we will get along just fine
> 
> How about an "xo" in the middle of the day just because...that's romantic to me. I think It means different things to different people. My ex thought it was a card signed "me". Not even close buddy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What about a bubble bath together? **** I haven't done that since my HS sweetheart lol


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I have never really understood a definition for a romantic. Do you guys have one?
> 
> Is it someone that wisks a woman of her feet from a crisis situation?
> Is it someone who holds a door for you and takes your coat off?
> Is it someone who buys you a car or a house?
> Is it someone who just thinks of you and lets you know?
> Is it someone who proclaims his love for you from all the roof tops or flies a banner from a plane saying he loves you?
> Is it someone who carries your groceries in and does the dishes for you and helps fold laundry?
> Is it someone who lays and looks at the stars dreaming dreams with you?
> Is it someone who brutishly sacrifices his life for you?
> Is it someone who showers you with constant flattery?
> 
> Anyone know?


to me a romantic person idealizes most situations in life, they feel deeply, and attach a lot of meaning to little things. 
For example, the first song that was playing when they kissed their SO. 

THey also want to make sure their SO knows they are LOVED... we are sometimes very stupid, because we do not see the flaws in others.

Did you see how I changed from THEY to WE? That is a romantic move... I associated myself with the topic I am discussing becuase I FEEL connected to it.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I have never really understood a definition for a romantic. Do you guys have one?
> 
> Is it someone that wisks a woman of her feet from a crisis situation?
> Is it someone who holds a door for you and takes your coat off?
> Is it someone who buys you a car or a house?
> Is it someone who just thinks of you and lets you know?
> Is it someone who proclaims his love for you from all the roof tops or flies a banner from a plane saying he loves you?
> Is it someone who carries your groceries in and does the dishes for you and helps fold laundry?
> Is it someone who lays and looks at the stars dreaming dreams with you?
> Is it someone who brutishly sacrifices his life for you?
> Is it someone who showers you with constant flattery?
> 
> Anyone know?


And does it depend on your love language what you consider "romantic"?


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> What about a bubble bath together? **** I haven't done that since my HS sweetheart lol


Oh you don't know what yer missing 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Hmm sounds interesting do you guys and gals like it sort of sounds like it is more direct and straight to the point.


----------



## jpr

I had bubble bath sex last weekend....and realized I need a bigger tub.


----------



## familyfirst09

jpr said:


> I had bubble bath sex last weekend....and realized I need a bigger tub.



Hot tub. Nuff said.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

familyfirst09 said:


> Hot tub. Nuff said.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you HEARD about the bacteria in those things?!?! to me they SCREAM "UTI"


----------



## familyfirst09

EnjoliWoman said:


> Have you HEARD about the bacteria in those things?!?! to me they SCREAM "UTI"



Pulic ones - gross. Personally owned ones - yesssss. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Errr... :scratchhead:
> 
> She is my cousin =/
> My cousin sister


In many parts of the world "cousin sister" is just another way of saying "cousin who is female" just as "cousin brother" means "cousin who is male"; in such places, the distinction is usually made in order to highlight that cousins are much like siblings in that they are close relatives but generally don't have authority over each other -- and, it encourages connection to extended families. That term/expression, to my knowledge, is not the same as "kissing cousins" or "cousins you make out with"; it is also not the same as "cousin-sibling" in the way that denotes the relationship is both that of cousin and of sibling. Additionally, brothers in faith or sisters in faith is another way of thinking about the larger Human Family that is society. So, if I understand RD correctly, he's referring to a cousin who is a woman and who he respects as a fellow social sibling, not a relative that is a product of an incestuous union.

However, I can see why the term is funny.


----------



## Another Planet

I am painting my living room and all of a sudden a drunk woman wants me to come over...I say no I have had a couple and if I get pulled over I lose my CDL...she says she will come to pick me up and take me home...but I say no because she is drunk and her friend is drunk, and honestly if she would have let me know sooner I would have made arrangements ...wonder where this will lead me on my next journey. It is literally like reading a chose your own adventure book.
I can already hear the "so sorrys" that are coming tomorrow...hmm she has a lot of growing to do.


----------



## bandit.45

Ah alcohol...the great aphrodisiac.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah she is texting me saying how much she wants to meet me "right now"...strangely a turnoff...I think I am just going to go back to painting my walls, the single life is awesome :/


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Errr... seen 'em mate, quite frankly they are better off, they have multiple women depended on them, one of them is even honest like me; and gets away with it - fking 2 women who know about each other.
> 
> I'm not "big fish" mate, I'm still young, not even 30 yet, so I have to learn. Still... I just hope these morals can withstand such impact of influence, my elders are telling me that my own morals are fked up
> 
> Funny really, being established at under 30
> 
> Meh... maybe I'm still naive... maybe I should be like them, hell I know I can do it, 5-10 women at once. Break hearts, who cares eh?
> *sigh* Every fking weekend I have my daughter who installs this "moral responsibility" crap on me (indirectly)


Being established doesn't really matter. Everything can be taken from you in an instant. What matters more is being with a person who has romantic goals similar to your own and living your own life with a purpose that has meaning for you.

Bed hopping is fun, but ultimately leaves you feeling hollow. It's not much of an ego boost in the end. It's great when you need it, though. Don't worry about how many chicks you're banging. Worry about whether life is going where you want it to go. And, if you need an FWB -- safe sex with no strings attached is great -- then choose appropriately.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Yeah she is texting me saying how much she wants to meet me "right now"...strangely a turnoff...I think I am just going to go back to painting my walls, the single life is awesome :/


Is it the drunkenness that's putting you off or the fact that she is pursuing you rather than being pursued? 

Not judging, just asking.


----------



## krismimo

I'm drinking a hot tottie!!


----------



## unsure78

Date tonight im excited... I kinda really like this one...we just laugh over nothing 

Hahaha omg slow hat started texting me yesterday asking if I was dating anyone...I avoided the question for a while... eventually I answered that im always dating... his response. .. have you shown anyone your boobs?

Whaaaaaaaat the f-ck? ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

The "show anyone your boobs" comment is a passive aggressive jealous comment if you ask me. Ugh. He should have got his sh!t together if he didn't want anyone else to see you boobies!

Date tonight for me as well. Very excited. No expectations about the date, just excited about where we are going. It's St. Pattys day weekend, so I'm sure the area will be hopping even more than it already is on a Sat night.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> The "show anyone your boobs" comment is a passive aggressive jealous comment if you ask me. Ugh. He should have got his sh!t together if he didn't want anyone else to see you boobies!
> 
> Date tonight for me as well. Very excited. No expectations about the date, just excited about where we are going. It's St. Pattys day weekend, so I'm sure the area will be hopping even more than it already is on a Sat night.


Is which guy is this? Shrinkhat4men or dicgolf
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Is which guy is this? Shrinkhat4men or dicgolf
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Disc golf. I don't think I'll date shrink again. I'm not plan B. And the behavior reminds me of character traits I'm trying to avoid. Haven't heard from him since last week anyways.


----------



## unsure78

Good dont be a plan B... whats disc golf like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

36, does robotic programming, loves disc golf, hiking/camping, cooking, no kids. Absolutely no sexual innuendos so far, seems respectful. Likes a lot of the same music. Up to date on the Fvkushima crises. I'll find out more tonight. Hope he's not an insecure nice guy, lol.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> 36, does robotic programming, loves disc golf, hiking/camping, cooking, no kids. Absolutely no sexual innuendos so far, seems respectful. Likes a lot of the same music. Up to date on the Fvkushima crises. I'll find out more tonight. Hope he's not an insecure nice guy, lol.


Nice...I hope he is fun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Date tonight im excited... I kinda really like this one...we just laugh over nothing
> 
> Hahaha omg slow hat started texting me yesterday asking if I was dating anyone...I avoided the question for a while... eventually I answered that im always dating... his response. .. have you shown anyone your boobs?
> 
> Whaaaaaaaat the f-ck? ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What a retard, why would he say that?!...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> I have never really understood a definition for a romantic. Do you guys have one?
> 
> Is it someone that wisks a woman of her feet from a crisis situation?
> Is it someone who holds a door for you and takes your coat off?
> Is it someone who buys you a car or a house?
> Is it someone who just thinks of you and lets you know?
> Is it someone who proclaims his love for you from all the roof tops or flies a banner from a plane saying he loves you?
> Is it someone who carries your groceries in and does the dishes for you and helps fold laundry?
> Is it someone who lays and looks at the stars dreaming dreams with you?
> Is it someone who brutishly sacrifices his life for you?
> Is it someone who showers you with constant flattery?
> 
> Anyone know?


It's different for all of us. I like the romance of little, every day things. Things like saving movies for us to watch together, consistently showing me that I am important to him, filling my car up for me, stocking his refrigerator with my favorite things. Stuff like that.

Ex was for the big, grandiose gestures that made him look good but meant nothing to me. He was an attention ***** with narcissistic tendencies. Much more show than substance.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> What a retard, why would he say that?!...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just assumed slow hat was asking (awkwardly) if unsure was sleeping with anyone...or if he still had a chance. The dating was a euphemism in his previous question and her answer didn't clear it up for him, so he moved on to the boob question (what? Is he 12?)


----------



## familyfirst09

Slow hat should be deemed ass hat but that has been reserved for Lanie's STBXH 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Date tonight im excited... I kinda really like this one...we just laugh over nothing
> 
> Hahaha omg slow hat started texting me yesterday asking if I was dating anyone...I avoided the question for a while... eventually I answered that im always dating... his response. .. *have you shown anyone your boobs?*
> Whaaaaaaaat the f-ck? ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Classy. 

Is he going to pick you up in his car or just swing by with his shopping cart?


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Classy.
> 
> Is he going to pick you up in his car or just swing by with his shopping cart?


Yea slow is a total goof... we have had this back and forth, push pull thing going on for 7 plus months now. .. we would hang out he would never make a move or take me on a date... nothing ever happened with him... Im not playing his weird game anymore... he can send me a funny pic or joke thats it... I shut him down last night
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I had a quasi date last night. 26 year old and I were suppose to go the lake, yet he got off work late, so instead we went to watch a movie.
DO not watch "Need for speed" rather lame.

There was not an immediate spark, but I did feel very at easy with him. I think I like him but more as a friend. He is very nice, good looking, funny, and a gentleman.

It was a good "beta" date, practice makes perfect. We are suppose to "hang out" later today again


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Yea slow is a total goof... we have had this back and forth, push pull thing going on for 7 plus months now. .. we would hang out he would never make a move or take me on a date... nothing ever happened with him... Im not playing his weird game anymore... he can send me a funny pic or joke thats it... I shut him down last night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good. You're too quality to be bandying nonsense with a scrub.


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> I'm living my life again without having to worry about pleasing someone else.
> 
> More sex wouldn't go amiss


I agree with both of these statements.

It's nice to let down one's guard and feel free. 

More sex without relationship drama can't be anything but a good thing. Candy without the calories.


----------



## vi_bride04

Candy without the calories!!! Love it!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Everyone must be busy, kind of quite around here today


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Everyone must be busy, kind of quite around here today


Its date night Another! And its kinda nice weather too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I was busy doing chores, just relaxing now. It is a beautiful day!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Its date night Another! And its kinda nice weather too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup it is!! Waiting on laundry to finish then time to get ready. I'm excited.

Oh and shrink4men hat texted me wanting to know what I was up to...hahahahaha


----------



## unsure78

Im currently evaporating.. .. bandito and jelly

lol VI 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I broke the rule to not invite her out again until she does...
But we talked on the phone for like an hour and half last night and my buddy canceled on meeting me at the bar so I just impromptu asked her to meet me uptown for drinks and/or dinner tonight cause I was going to be up there anyway


----------



## jpr

Whoa! You are actually going to meet The Bleacher??!!


----------



## Another Planet

Lol yep I guess...I'm going uptown right now to grab a table or seat at the bar depending how crazy it is.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I broke the rule to not invite her out again until she does...
> But we talked on the phone for like an hour and half last night and my buddy canceled on meeting me at the bar so I just impromptu asked her to meet me uptown for drinks and/or dinner tonight cause I was going to be up there anyway


yay! Let us know how it goes, good luck!!!


----------



## jpr

Twenty bucks says The Bleacher doesn't look anything like her profile picture.


Any takers?


----------



## Jellybeans

I spent all day at the St. Patrick's Day parade celebration, taking some nice pictures and later drinking apple wheat beer. It's been a great day. 

Cannot wait to see how the Bleacher date goes! AP, wear some nice cologne!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I spent all day at the St. Patrick's Day parade celebration, taking some nice pictures and later drinking appeal wheat beer. It's been a great day.
> 
> Cannot wait to see how the Bleacher date goes! AP, wear some nice cologne!



http://youtu.be/L6dzUOYTQtQ


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne9907... I am glad to hear you went on a proper date with the age range you were angling for. Woo hoo! Baby steps!



unsure78 said:


> Hahaha omg slow hat started texting me yesterday asking if I was dating anyone...I avoided the question for a while...* eventually I answered that im always dating.*.. his response. .. have you shown anyone your boobs?
> 
> Whaaaaaaaat the f-ck? ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all, I love your response to him that you are always dating. Good on ya! 

The boobies thing is ridiculous. 



vi_bride04 said:


> The "show anyone your boobs" comment is a passive aggressive jealous comment if you ask me. Ugh. He should have got his sh!t together if he didn't want anyone else to see you boobies!


I totally agree that it was a passive-agressive comment. It's like he was trying to be funny while jealous and it only came across as dim. 



Another Planet said:


> What a retard, why would he say that?!...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because he's a dumbass. 



unsure78 said:


> Yea slow is a total goof... we have had this back and forth, push pull thing going on for 7 plus months now. .. we would hang out he would never make a move or take me on a date... nothing ever happened with him...* Im not playing his weird game anymore*... he can send me a funny pic or joke thats it... I shut him down last night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


UGH. I seriously do not understand what Slow's problem is. It is so odd, the way he has behaved from then up until now. I do not get it at all. 

Have fun on your dates tonight Vi & Unsure!


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> (A Biologist's) St. Patrick's Day Song - YouTube


Thanks, Drerio. You know I love the nerds who talk science. Especially when they love beer. Hahahahaha.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Im currently evaporating.. .. bandito and jelly
> 
> lol VI
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pic please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Twenty bucks says The Bleacher doesn't look anything like her profile picture.
> 
> 
> Any takers?


I don't know how she could hide how she looks from me at this point. I have seen 100's of pics of her including a bunch from last night. That pic in my profile is what she looks like.

But alas I called it off...she was taking to long...and nothing was going on up town so I just came home. There were way to many cops around to sit up at the bar all night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I don't know how she could hide how she looks from me at this point. I have seen 100's of pics of her including a bunch from last night. That pic in my profile is what she looks like.
> 
> But alas I called it off...she was taking to long...and nothing was going on up town so I just came home. There were way to many cops around to sit up at the bar all night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are just not ready to date AP, you want to but are not truly there.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I didn't see Unsure's comment before, but it reminds me of when I was internet dating and talking with 4 or 5 women at once. I broke it off with nearly all of them because I was tired of their games. A couple of these girls would not stop sending me forwarded texts and funny pics. One even liked to send me pics of herself modeling new clothes. Of course whenever tried to text any of them they ignored me.
> 
> Turns out this is a fairly common game bad types play to hook you back into their type of relationship.... They can see anyone they want, but they want you single and waiting for their every beck and call. This type of text is called a "ping" and usually it's sent out from them just to you. Sometimes it's a mass texts, but the intention behind it is the same.... to see if you will still answer their contact.
> 
> The way you can tell it's another game is if they shut down and don't respond to you. You break the NC once, they give you a short almost business like text back, then NC from them. It's a power play thing for them. They get a rush out of having exes still in the bank for later.... Which it becomes like a game for them to see if they can do just enough to have sex with you again and then put you back on the shelf for later.


I cant multi paste, so I have to answer each post separately!

So, I thought date with 26 yo went well, but he hasnt texted me this morning. 
Anyway, he was supposed to meet me and some friends for drinks tonight. 
I texted him about 2 hours ago, asking if he was still up for tonight and haven't heard anything back.

I will not text again, this is the right thing to do right?


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Right, exactly!
> 
> There is probably a good reason he isn't the one for you.


I know he isn't the one for me, I was enjoying the attention too much haha. There wasn't an initial spark, but still wanted the attention!!

He just wasn't into me..... but seriously no way in hell he is not into me, I mean Have you seen me???

He probably died of a heart attack after realizing how beautiful and amazing I truly am


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> He just wasn't into me..... but seriously no way in hell he is not into me, I mean Have you seen me???
> 
> He probably died of a heart attack after realizing how beautiful and amazing I truly am


Now who's the narcissist.


----------



## Jellybeans

Do not text him again Ne. Essentially you want to mirror his actions. You sent a text now its his turn to respond. And Nsweet is right about how it's best to cut people off early in the game if they flake. So true. How did I miss Unsure's hot comment. Lol. Evaporator. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet what are you doing here on TAM on a Friday night? You should be out getting some.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Nsweet what are you doing here on TAM on a Friday night? You should be out getting some.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Isn't it Saturday? 0_o
You just put me in a time warp, I was very confused there for a second....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Isn't it Saturday? 0_o
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wait. Your right. I'm a fvcking day behind. 

So Nsweet, why are you on TAM on a Saturday night? Git out there and breed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Wait. Your right. I'm a fvcking day behind.
> 
> So Nsweet, why are you on TAM on a Saturday night? Git out there and breed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You had me very confused there lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

That heart surgery must have done sumpin to ma noggin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> So Nsweet, why are you on TAM on a Saturday night? Git out there and breed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Training. 









Patience Bandit, the time is not right yet.....


----------



## Nsweet

And dude, I'm going to be living and working in a hospital with about a BAZILLION nursing students and interns.... And not as any veteran with war wounds, special head case, drug addict, alcoholic, or sicky. It couldn't get any easier to meet ladies on break than that. 

BUT..... It's going to take time there to meet certain people, make connections, and have the staff get used to me. You can't just show up and start hitting on women left and right or they'll kick you out of the program as non-compliant... You may even get into some serious trouble. 

No, you have to make friends first. Build your investments and then work your magic on just a few... Why just a few? Because women talk about you when you're not around and let rumors make the call. It's the same game plan as pulling a stripper, only a hell of a lot cheaper and less chances of an STD.


----------



## ne9907

So I am at a bar b and guess who walks in? 26 year old haha, was funny, I am a but b tipsy. Anyway he said "I just got your text, I just said hey and continued to have fun and text another guy I meet on tinder. I am having fun... he was with two friends, a.woman and a man. Later, the woman took a picture of me and my girls. Do I want him to text me again? Yes. Will it happen? Very unlikely. But I am enjoying myself!

It was amusing to see him at the bar


----------



## ne9907

so I am not tipsy anymore, I have my five senses (having to deal with a very drunk niece does wonders to sobering up).
I still feel the same way, it was a cool date 26 yo and I had, but there was obviously no spark.

I loved the attention I got from him, that is why I was obsessing with not receiving a text from him.

I must say that I still have my cool detached persona from before I got married, I totally ignored him at the club (bar)
At one point, he and his friends looked back at us, said something and left the club.

I have a feeling he will come back knocking at my cell haha. Time will tell.

What I learned from this? I crave attention from a male source, I MUST learn to not crave this attention. 
I can let go easily, if a man does not like me I can jump and find another source of attention just as easily. BUT I MUST STOP THIS!!!!

I will NOT ever take my 25 year old niece to a club with me, she cant handle her alcohol. I am still up, making sure she does not have alcohol poisoning!!

I shall not feel that destiny plays any part in my life. Example 1... In a city with a population of roughly 500K people, what are the odds of finding the person you so wanted to hear from and never returned a text at the same bar that you are in?

THis city has about 50 clubs/bars... so no, it was not destiny, but I do wonder what it was...
Maybe the universe loves me


----------



## jpr

ne....I think we all crave attention from the opposite sex. You are not alone. 

It is flattering to be pursued by someone--even when we know we are not a good match with them. ...and it is upsetting to be rejected by someone--even when we know we are not a good match with them.

I think we see that with SlowHat and Unsure. Slowhat is sending out these little texts to her every once in a while...because he is wanting to see if she is still interested in him. He wants the attention.

We see it with AP and TheBleacher. Both TheBleacher and AP are serving each other's needs--giving each other attention...even if it is just through text. Knowing that you have peeked someone's interest is super flattering, and the attention can be addicting. ...and perhaps they are perfect for each other for right now??...because neither of them seem to really want to meet, but both of them need attention from the opposite sex.

I know, I sort of went through this a few months ago. The Firefighter I had dated for close to a year started texting me out of the blue. ...and I was responding. I told him that I was dating someone else....and I told him that I still didn't think that him(The Firefighter) and me were a good match. It was completely innocent--just getting caught up on our lives and our kids. But, I also knew he still had feelings for me....and I admit-- Even though I didn't want to be with him, the attention and the pursuit he was showing me was flattering. Just having someone else show interest in your life can fullfill a need for attention. I would have enjoyed having a friendship with him...but, in the end, I knew that wasn't fair to the firefighter. Conversing with him was giving him hope that I might change my mind. ...and it might have been preventing him from meeting someone who really did match up with him.

I don't think the answer is to stop CRAVING the attention....I don't think you can do that. But, perhaps the answer is to stop responding to the attention when we know it is unhealthy...or destructive.

I think you did that quite well tonight, Ne. You were cool and detached when you bumped into the 26-year old.


----------



## Fenix

What JPR said. There was a lot of wisdom in her post.


----------



## RandomDude

Darn it, don't you hate the feeling when you post a thread and get 100+ views but 0 replies and you wonder if there's something wrong with you? lol


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> so I am not tipsy anymore, I have my five senses (having to deal with a very drunk niece does wonders to sobering up).
> I still feel the same way, it was a cool date 26 yo and I had, but there was obviously no spark.
> 
> I loved the attention I got from him, that is why I was obsessing with not receiving a text from him.
> 
> I must say that I still have my cool detached persona from before I got married, I totally ignored him at the club (bar)
> At one point, he and his friends looked back at us, said something and left the club.
> 
> I have a feeling he will come back knocking at my cell haha. Time will tell.
> 
> What I learned from this? I crave attention from a male source, I MUST learn to not crave this attention.
> I can let go easily, if a man does not like me I can jump and find another source of attention just as easily. BUT I MUST STOP THIS!!!!
> 
> I will NOT ever take my 25 year old niece to a club with me, she cant handle her alcohol. I am still up, making sure she does not have alcohol poisoning!!
> 
> I shall not feel that destiny plays any part in my life. Example 1... In a city with a population of roughly 500K people, what are the odds of finding the person you so wanted to hear from and never returned a text at the same bar that you are in?
> 
> THis city has about 50 clubs/bars... so no, it was not destiny, but I do wonder what it was...
> Maybe the universe loves me


Your city of 500k has 50 clubs? My city of over half that size, but a average age under 30 has only 3 or 4 clubs that people want to go to and another 5 or 6 that they go to when they can't get in the first tier clubs. And most people don't stay at just one club all night. So on a Friday night if you go out to a club you are almost guaranteed to run into a young single person that you saw on a dating site.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> ne....I think we all crave attention from the opposite sex. You are not alone.
> 
> It is flattering to be pursued by someone--even when we know we are not a good match with them. ...and it is upsetting to be rejected by someone--even when we know we are not a good match with them.
> 
> I think we see that with SlowHat and Unsure. Slowhat is sending out these little texts to her every once in a while...because he is wanting to see if she is still interested in him. He wants the attention.
> 
> We see it with AP and TheBleacher. Both TheBleacher and AP are serving each other's needs--giving each other attention...even if it is just through text. Knowing that you have peeked someone's interest is super flattering, and the attention can be addicting. ...and perhaps they are perfect for each other for right now??...because neither of them seem to really want to meet, but both of them need attention from the opposite sex.
> 
> I know, I sort of went through this a few months ago. The Firefighter I had dated for close to a year started texting me out of the blue. ...and I was responding. I told him that I was dating someone else....and I told him that I still didn't think that him(The Firefighter) and me were a good match. It was completely innocent--just getting caught up on our lives and our kids. But, I also knew he still had feelings for me....and I admit-- Even though I didn't want to be with him, the attention and the pursuit he was showing me was flattering. Just having someone else show interest in your life can fullfill a need for attention. I would have enjoyed having a friendship with him...but, in the end, I knew that wasn't fair to the firefighter. Conversing with him was giving him hope that I might change my mind. ...and it might have been preventing him from meeting someone who really did match up with him.
> 
> I don't think the answer is to stop CRAVING the attention....I don't think you can do that. But, perhaps the answer is to stop responding to the attention when we know it is unhealthy...or destructive.
> 
> I think you did that quite well tonight, Ne. You were cool and detached when you bumped into the 26-year old.


Interesting...and I agree. 
Just like water or electricity following the easiest path so will relationships, we seem to gravitate towards what we need. I guess it's where there is confusion is when people get hurt, when people have different expectations.

For the record she sent me a before makeup and after makeup pictures this morning. She would have to pull off some elaborate scheme to not look like what I think she does 
Still a strange thing going on here I will admit, I am now at the point I wish she would just let me take her out but she must not be ready yet.


----------



## vi_bride04

Date went really well, had a great time, so much conversation, didn't get home till 6am.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Date went really well, had a great time, so much conversation, didn't get home till 6am.



6am eh? That sounds like a REALLY good time!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Darn it, don't you hate the feeling when you post a thread and get 100+ views but 0 replies and you wonder if there's something wrong with you? lol


Ok. Just so you're not left hanging...here's a response 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> 6am eh? That sounds like a REALLY good time!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh man, love his spontaneity, we headed to Detroit after the concert, tried to make it to my fave bar but they wouldn't let us in since it was already 1:30. So hit a really tasty Mexican place I've never been to. Hung out there for almost 2 hours then headed home. 

I did pay for tips and most(not all) of my top shelf drinks as I don't think anyone should pick up my Belvedere vodka tab cuz I'm too much of a snob to drink Absolute


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh man, love his spontaneity, we headed to Detroit after the concert, tried to make it to my fave bar but they wouldn't let us in since it was already 1:30. So hit a really tasty Mexican place I've never been to. Hung out there for almost 2 hours then headed home.
> 
> I did pay for tips and most(not all) of my top shelf drinks as I don't think anyone should pick up my Belvedere vodka tab cuz I'm too much of a snob to drink Absolute


Thats awesome VI glad you had a good time 

My date was really great too....yea I like this one a lot, hes prob going to be around a while 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hardtohandle

vi_bride04 said:


> Date went really well, had a great time, so much conversation, didn't get home till 6am.


6AM, you sure there wasn't pillow talk mixed in there, somewhere ? 

Glad it was good. We all need this sometime.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nope, none. 

2nd date in the process of being scheduled right now


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Nope, none.
> 
> 2nd date in the process of being scheduled right now


Nice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

...Bleacher better let me take her out before she falls for me anymore then she has jeez...:/


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> ...Bleacher better let me take her out before she falls for me anymore then she has jeez...:/


Whaaaaaaaat? Now whats going on? What happened yesterday with you guys meeting up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Whaaaaaaaat? Now whats going on? What happened yesterday with you guys meeting up?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, very intriguing post... do tell!


----------



## Another Planet

Well ever since she FB friend requested me she has been more and more attentive. Then we talked for like 1.5hrs the other night then we texted until like 12:30 last night. She makes comments now like involving both of us. She posts on my FB posts with a kind of edge that she knows something others don't like we are in on something together...like a relationship...
She started texting me at like noon today, she sent me those before and after makeup pics. She texts me from the store, she texts me from her car, she texts me from her moms lol.
She was texting until about 3 today then it stopped and I was like K done for a bit...then at 5 she shoots me a text that she fell asleep...then in a handful of texts from that she says "hey can I tell you something"....I go "yes of course"...she goes "you make me smile".....
Of course there is more but that just what I feel like posting lol

I don't think shes a clinger I think she just is digging me more then she should ATM


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Well ever since she FB friend requested me she has been more and more attentive. Then we talked for like 1.5hrs the other night then we texted until like 12:30 last night. She makes comments now like involving both of us. She posts on my FB posts with a kind of edge that she knows something others don't like we are in on something together...like a relationship...
> She started texting me at like noon today, she sent me those before and after makeup pics. She texts me from the store, she texts me from her car, she texts me from her moms lol.
> She was texting until about 3 today then it stopped and I was like K done for a bit...then at 5 she shoots me a text that she fell asleep...then in a handful of texts from that she says "hey can I tell you something"....I go "yes of course"...she goes "you make me smile".....
> Of course there is more but that just what I feel like posting lol


Wow... ok im actually dating someone, we like physically see each other and we dont text anywhere near that much... 

Another I think we should elevate bleacher to text gf status for you ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

lol might as well, I would honestly say that myself.
Just wish we could meet up this is stupid and feels childish to me...she says shes free Wednesday if I can get a sitter. 
I have no idea wtf happened last night, I just think she was recovering from the night before and wasn't fully into it.
I wasn't even going to talk to her today she started it lol


----------



## jpr

Okay. I'm going to say it, ap.


It is weird.

You guys haven't even met.


I am not quite sure what co dependent means....but I know that term is thrown around a lot on this board....but perhaps you were developing a co dependency with her? .., it seems to me like you are both exhibiting a very unhealthy attached for each other for having never even met.

It's strange...and seems somewhat dysfunctional.


----------



## Another Planet

Yep, not me though. I have no attachment like that. Not sure about her, I think it's more like a forecasted view of us for her.
I like her but that's what I am saying, she better stop moving forward in her mind cause we haven't even met yet.


----------



## jpr

And if I were really into a guy, and he asked me to meet him for drinks, I would get myself dolled up and do it.


What do you mean she was "recovering"? ...and not " into it last night"?


This makes no sense.


....and the bigger question is: why are you still giving her the time of day? This reluctance to meet up is a huge red flag.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> And if I were really into a guy, and he asked me to meet him for drinks, I would get myself dolled up and do it.
> 
> 
> What do you mean she was "recovering"? ...and not " into it last night"?
> 
> 
> This makes no sense.
> 
> 
> ....and the bigger question is: why are you still giving her the time of day? This reluctance to meet up is a huge red flag.


She was up late with her GF drinking beer. I talked to both of them for awhile that night. 

Like I said I have no major connection other then I am interested. If she stopped talking to me I would say darn but that's about it. She is running out of chances with me though. I don't think either of us is desperate or even really really wants a relationship we just kind of happened upon this :scratchhead:
Can that happen by accident kind of thing?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> And if I were really into a guy, and he asked me to meet him for drinks, I would get myself dolled up and do it.


Yup. Exactly. Same day if schedules match up. I mean drinks and an appetizer just to meet someone would only take a couple hours. 



jpr said:


> ....and the bigger question is: why are you still giving her the time of day? *This reluctance to meet up is a huge red flag.*


Agree with this too.


----------



## jpr

You are doing a pretty good job of rationalizing some pretty obsurd behavior in your head, ap.


----------



## Oldfaithful

Nsweet said:


> And dude, I'm going to be living and working in a hospital with about a BAZILLION nursing students and interns.... And not as any veteran with war wounds, special head case, drug addict, alcoholic, or sicky. It couldn't get any easier to meet ladies on break than that.
> 
> 
> 
> BUT..... It's going to take time there to meet certain people, make connections, and have the staff get used to me. You can't just show up and start hitting on women left and right or they'll kick you out of the program as non-compliant... You may even get into some serious trouble.
> 
> 
> 
> No, you have to make friends first. Build your investments and then work your magic on just a few... Why just a few? Because women talk about you when you're not around and let rumors make the call. It's the same game plan as pulling a stripper, only a hell of a lot cheaper and less chances of an STD.



Just lurking, how do you live and work in a hospital?


----------



## Nsweet

Oldfaithful said:


> Just lurking, how do you live and work in a hospital?


It's a psycho-social work rehabilitation program that takes place in a hospital which I'm doing to be taken part in in a few weeks. It's only for veterans, and it does incorporate drug and alcohol rehab, but those levels don't apply to me.


----------



## Oldfaithful

Nsweet said:


> It's a psycho-social work rehabilitation program that takes place in a hospital which I'm doing to be taken part in in a few weeks. It's only for veterans, and it does incorporate drug and alcohol rehab, but those levels don't apply to me.



That sounds good. I hope it works for people we need to do some thing to help vets out.


----------



## moxy

So, maybe hanging out with the hot neighbor later. Nothing serious. Just a bit of fun. And then I've got work to do that will probably keep me up all night. Honestly, though, I'm feeling a bit under the weather (hay fever) and would love to go to sleep, then call in sick tomorrow and sleep some more. However, they say fun is good for you, so there's that. And, I need to stop feeling guilty about getting attention from guys who aren't my ex; so, there's that. It's been a busy, stressful, and emotional week; needing a vacation from my vacation already.


----------



## jpr

I know, Moxy, when I first started.dating, I felt guilty too...even though Sasquatch had told me he was "in love" with his Tart. I still felt that guilt...it was a strange feeling.


And I get what you mean about forcing yourself to have fun. A friend of mine was commenting to me the other day about how she.didn't understand how I had the energy to work full time, raise a toddler, and make my home presentable enough to entertain. I told her that if I waited until I had energy, I would never have any fun.

I often have to force myself to be social....but I never regret it when I do. I always have fun.


----------



## Nsweet

Oldfaithful said:


> That sounds good. I hope it works for people we need to do some thing to help vets out.


The VA helps where it can, but you have to realize there are many moral and psychological problems that cannot be easily helped. These 20-somethings that enlist today will do 4 to 20 year enlistments and then come home with behavioral problems and addictions that require extensive drug and alcohol treatments to break. That is if they even come home. Others will stay in for as long as they can, build their entire lives around their military career, and then come home only to have troubles adjusting and end up as broken families and frequently have thoughts of suicide.


----------



## jpr

Thank you for your service, Nsweet.


I am glad you are taking advantage of this program....and I hope it is advantageous for you.

...but, I know there needs to be more done for our veterans who.sacrifice so much of their lives for our country....especially dealing with the pyschological side.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet, what kind of behavioral problems do some folks come back with?


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Nsweet, what kind of behavioral problems do some folks come back with?


Well from what I've seen in myself and others, there is a lot of anger issues and depression. Even more so with the combat veterans who killed plain clothed insurgents. That's sort of where the moral scars come into play.... Which is different than PTSD.

Even with the non-combat guys I've seen the difference in attitude from anticipation to enlist, to a change in the way they walked and talked after bootcamp... Just bursting with confidence. And then after serving for a while and getting screwed over pretty good by their chain of command or the government until all of their dreams were killed.... You look in their eyes and it's like they're dead inside. 

That last part is pretty hard to explain but the military does do this. A good example would be how they are notorious for making promises to get you to re-enlist, things like special schools or a change of command to a more desirable location... Then they pull that from you and force you to stay in even longer. Another example I've heard of is the higher ups covering up rapes to keep their favorites out of trouble while screwing the victims. 

There is a lot that goes on out of the books. A lot! Like the guys in charge of the military being pedophiles and closeted homosexual with whole beard families and grandchildren.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup. Exactly. Same day if schedules match up. I mean drinks and an appetizer just to meet someone would only take a couple hours.
> 
> Agree with this too.





jpr said:


> You are doing a pretty good job of rationalizing some pretty obsurd behavior in your head, ap.


Yeah I mean wtf couldn't we meet up last night why did she flake and then talk to me all day but why couldn't she just call me and we meet up today as she planned days before? 
I don't know I think I need a couple days no contact to sort this weekend out in my head, I'm now getting the OM vibe again! WTF maybe I should just be removed from the dating pool I don't really know anymore, if this **** keeps happening to me...not really happy about this feeling again


----------



## bandit.45

I didn't know you were a vet Nsweet.

Thanks for your service.

What branch were you in?


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> I didn't know you were a vet Nsweet.
> 
> Thanks for your service.
> 
> What branch were you in?


Yes I am.

Navy. Submarine Core! - Fast attack subs - Electronic Technician Navigation department, but mostly I worked on small electronics and stood a lot of watch.


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy St. Patrick's Day, all. I am snowed in. Office closed. Lectures cancelled.

I am sad because how am I going to get to the green beer later if I am snowed in? Lol.



Another Planet said:


> I like her but that's what I am saying, she better stop moving forward in her mind cause we haven't even met yet.


Then why don't you SAY that to her



Another Planet said:


> She was up late with her GF drinking beer.* I talked to both of them *for awhile that night.
> 
> Like I said I have no major connection other then I am interested. If she stopped talking to me I would say darn but that's about it. She is running out of chances with me though.


Is she though? Cause you keep saying you're not into this text relationship yet you have done nothing to let it go. Why are you talking to her friend? Weird.



Another Planet said:


> I don't think either of us is desperate or even really really wants a relationship we just kind of happened upon this :scratchhead:
> *Can that happen by accident kind of thing?*


It's not an accident at all. You are both actively choosing to be in this months-long-texting-relationship in which you haven't even seen eachothers' faces. 

Your out was the Facebook thing. When she friended you, you should have sent her a note saying, "I don't friend people I don't know in real life." Then you would have called out the situation you are in. So now you've got her creeping on your page and writing things like she all knows you and posting inside stuff and somehow you are reacting like it's too much/like she wants too much when you are playing as much as a part into this as she is. 

You said you are again (for the third+ time now) getting "Other Man" vibes from this situation. That is a red flag. Have you ever outright asked her if she is seeing otherh people?

Personally I would be annoyed if some guy only texted me and kept flaking on me everytime we were supposed to meet up. Eventually I would tell him "This is silly and not working for me. I actually want to see who I am talking to for three months now." Or you know, maybe you enjoy all this. I would find it a waste of time.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Darn it, don't you hate the feeling when you post a thread and get 100+ views but 0 replies and you wonder if there's something wrong with you? lol


Where? Link it.


----------



## Hoosier

AP: Just a bit: I had like three different women that I texted, talked with like crazy to then meet and never heard from again because once we met no chemistry. Her reluctance to meet is a HUGH red flag. To continue on without meeting could just be a total waste of time. My rule would be to meet by fourth time we connected, (text, email,phone). If not I would move on.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hoosier said:


> Her reluctance to meet is a HUGH red flag.


I so agree. Noto nly that but he has already mentioned getting "OM vibes" from her and and and the fact that she told him once that she was worried he may not like her in person, or something to that effect. It's fvcking weird.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> I so agree. Noto nly that but he has already mentioned getting "OM vibes" from her and and and the fact that she told him once that she was worried he may not like her in person, or something to that effect. It's fvcking weird.


Yep.

Snowed in here again too. I am so over winter.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I mean wtf couldn't we meet up last night why did she flake and then talk to me all day but why couldn't she just call me and we meet up today as she planned days before?
> I don't know I think I need a couple days no contact to sort this weekend out in my head, I'm now getting the OM vibe again! WTF maybe I should just be removed from the dating pool I don't really know anymore, if this **** keeps happening to me...not really happy about this feeling again



Hey AP . l dunno man l'm getting a plan b type thing from her , and you too.
Personally anyway , could be a blessing. If this [email protected] doesn't seem to want to happen with someone l reckon that's a sign to it's not even meant to anyway.

l still reckon you should be on the fence for while tbh .
Anyway , my next ones not much better , think l'll go back to turning monk .


----------



## whitehawk

Well , spent the day with pocket rocket yesterday.
She's gotta be one of the most special people l've ever met and as cute as all fk but . There's 2 ways at least you can really like someone isn't there and with PR , l've gotta admit guys , as much as l like her and admire her , it's in the wrong way. 

l could've stayed up at her place all wk if l wanted to . l ended up driving up to her town because there wasn't really anywhere decent to hang out for the day in between so l just text her on way way and said just stay put instead if you like , l'll come up to your place.

We hung out , went for coffee , tripped about the area and she showed me some sites because l haven't been there before.

We had a great day and got along really well , very very comfortable but l dunno l knew after an hour or so l wasn't felling the right stuff.

Ended up back home at her place later and it could've easily gone from there but l didn't feel like starting something by then l knew l'd only have to finish so , let it go. 
We had some tea and stuff , talked more , it was a really nice day but l decided to head back after tea. 2 1/2 hr drive .

Trouble is , if there's one thing l do know about my self - if l ain't feeling it then l'm not going too . Unfortunately that's just the way l roll.


----------



## Jellybeans

Make sure you tell her you don't feel you are a match, Whitehawk, so you don't lead her on/get her hopes up. The quicker you do it, the better.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks JB . So is that what we're suppose to do is it ? tbh l wasn't sure you know .
l thought that might seem a little presumptuous of me you know.


----------



## vi_bride04

Why wouldn't you, WH? I mean if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it, don't try to force something that isn't there. It will waste both you and hers time.


----------



## whitehawk

Ah vi , no l wouldn't bother but l was just sorta hoping l could just slip of into the sunset unnoticed you know :scratchhead:

l know , chicken [email protected] but , this stuff is getting rough , this is the third girl in 3wks l've had to do the deed with . 
l'm starting to feel like an ass/h , l need a holiday !


----------



## whitehawk

Do platonic friendships work out , l've never had much luck with them but ????


----------



## unsure78

Another... why are you allowing this [email protected] to go on? person flakes on you they are not worth your time, especially more than once!!!!! That's it..........


----------



## unsure78

On a side note....

I'm quite smitten <3... 


(trying to remember to stay grounded and realistic here)


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Thanks JB . So is that what we're suppose to do is it ? tbh l wasn't sure you know .
> l thought that might seem a little presumptuous of me you know.


I say do it now in case she thinks you may want more. I mean you could see if she reaches out and then say it or just tell her straight up that you had a nice time but like to be ho nest with people and you didnt feel a spark. I like to get my cards all out from the get go because I have been strung along before and wouldnt ever want to do that to someone. And yes platonic friends cam work as long a you both know and only want it to be platonic. Doesn't work when one person has feelings for the other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> On a side note....
> 
> I'm quite smitten <3...
> 
> 
> (trying to remember to stay grounded and realistic here)


Yay!  happy for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

AP, you and Bleacher are both playing the safe game. 

The texting relationship is safe, no one can really get hurt. I don't think you are the OM, I just think she is afraid of rejection. She is probably pretty insecure, no matter how many pics she sends you. She might of had some bad dating experiences, or perhaps her ex did a number on her self-esteem. 

I think you need to call her on the phone and say, look we either meet up this week or we have to let this go...UNLESS you LIKE the text relationship you have going on. If you do, fine, great, keep going. 

But I think this is on the both of you to an extent. Not in a bad way, just a way too cautious kind of way.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> AP, you and Bleacher are both playing the safe game.
> 
> The texting relationship is safe, no one can really get hurt. I don't think you are the OM, I just think she is afraid of rejection. She is probably pretty insecure, no matter how many pics she sends you. She might of had some bad dating experiences, or perhaps her ex did a number on her self-esteem.
> 
> I think you need to call her on the phone and say, look we either meet up this week or we have to let this go...UNLESS you LIKE the text relationship you have going on. If you do, fine, great, keep going.
> 
> But I think this is on the both of you to an extent. Not in a bad way, just a way too cautious kind of way.


I spent all morning laying in bed trying to figure it out and just the fact that I spend my morning thinking about it is absurd. Just the fact that I feel this way is absurd. 

This is of course not the first time I have been headspun because of a woman and I don't want to be anymore. I could confront her and be like you guys say and be like "listen we got to take this ridiculousness to the next level and meet or we have to knock it off it's ****in with my head"...but I have said that in other ways already and she has an excuse for why it doesn't work out and the excuse is honestly pretty valid almost to perfectly like it is setup to fail and be validated easily...it's stupid.

In my opinion I do like the texting, messaging, talking, sending pics relationship but I want that with an actual physical relationship also...
I wish she had someone to slap her upside of the head with the truth like I have you guys to me to say "no that's not normal you need to do something about that" :scratchhead:
Actually thank you guys very much because I could see myself easily getting completely lost in this **** if I didn't have someone telling me that.

My head is getting fcked with and I don't want my head fcked with anymore so I am just going to go back to focusing on myself.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> My head is getting fcked with and I don't want my head fcked with anymore so I am just going to go back to focusing on myself.


So quit being a conflict avoider and come out and tell her STRAIGHT UP to either meet up or say good bye.


----------



## Jellybeans

What Vi said. But it seem like even tho you say you aren't into this, you keep doing the same thing. Maybe all uou are meant to have with her is a technological banter. You could very well be the other man. Either way it seems she very much does not want you guys to meet in person. Which to me is telling. There is very much a reason for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> What Vi said. But it seem like even tho you say you aren't into this, you keep doing the same thing. Maybe all uou are meant to have with her is a technological banter. You could very well be the other man. Either way it seems she very much does not want you guys to meet in person. Which t ok me is telling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


agree, but if you are enjoying your virtual banter go for it. However, do not get too many deep feelings involved.

Have you ever watched the show "cat fish"?

I am brand new to the dating, but if I text someone as often as you are texting bleacer, I would want to meet them soon. Especially if we both live in the same city!

For now, enjoy the attention~


----------



## ne9907

On a side note, 26 yo friendzoned me, too bad it wont actually be a friendship as he is a nice person and likes many of the activities I enjoy.

Yesterday he texted me saying he had a nice evening on friday, that he was glad to made friends with me, and he doesnt usually get much free time. He also apologized for Saturday's encounter at the bar, saying his friends dragged him along and he lost track fo plans.

See guys? Even if his excuses were BS, at least I know i was friendzoned.

Not too bad for a 26 year old right? Or am I too naive? I was okay with his explanation.


----------



## lisab0105

At least he gave you an explanation...I am surprised for him being a guy in his mid-twenties. Not many like that.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> At least he gave you an explanation...I am surprised for him being a guy in his mid-twenties. Not many like that.


I was surprised as well. I am totally weird because even though there wasnt an initial spark, I wanted him to like me!!

Maybe I am just horny, I havent even kissed anyone in almost a year!! 

I replied with  good deal!


----------



## Jellybeans

Good on him, NE. It's better to know than wonder. Which is what I wss telling WhiteHawk. If no spark, better to state it early.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I say do it now in case she thinks you may want more. I mean you could see if she reaches out and then say it or just tell her straight up that you had a nice time but like to be ho nest with people and you didnt feel a spark. I like to get my cards all out from the get go because I have been strung along before and wouldnt ever want to do that to someone. And yes platonic friends cam work as long a you both know and only want it to be platonic. Doesn't work when one person has feelings for the other.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thanks for that JB , just the kinda detail l needed.


----------



## Jellybeans

Btw guys... even after I responded to Social Media Guys long love letter last week and told him for the second time now I do not want to date him...and he replied he understood. .. today he is texting me again. I give up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Btw guys... even after I responded to Social Media Guys long love letter last week and told him for the second time now I do not want to date him...and he replied he understood. .. today he is texting me again. I give up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I would say at this point he does not get the message and no reply back is needed. As long as you keep on answering back, he thinks he has a chance. Just don't answer back, ever.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Btw guys... even after I responded to Social Media Guys long love letter last week and told him for the second time now I do not want to date him...and he replied he understood. .. today he is texting me again. I give up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He wants some jelly on his toast , 
can you blame him? You are gorgeous!


----------



## moxy

The hottie neighbor is fun to hang out, with but I feel sleazy, today. There's a drastic difference between the intimacy one finds in the intense familiarity of marriage (even when it's dysfunctional) because of some shared sense of life-energy investment, perhaps, and that found the casual comfort of something devoid of a larger intimate context, one based on convenience of desire, perhaps. Maybe my expectations and desires have changed over the years. :/


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Btw guys... even after I responded to Social Media Guys long love letter last week and told him for the second time now I do not want to date him...and he replied he understood. .. today he is texting me again. I give up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm thinking that another "grand gesture" will be on it's way in the not too distant future. He's learning that "the price" of communicating with you is to reach out in some over the top way. As long as you feel like you have to make some response to his actions, he'll just keep doing them.

I think you are more than justified in de-friending and blocking this guy. The sooner the better, in fact.


----------



## moxy

COGypsy said:


> He's learning that "the price" of communicating with you is to reach out in some over the top way. As long as you feel like you have to make some response to his actions, he'll just keep doing them.


Interesting. That seems to make sense of why his communications would have escalated to the love letter phase. In a way, getting you to respond becomes a game.


----------



## Another Planet

Here"s a strange one to toss around. How do you guys feel about money and does it play a part in liking someone? I mean yeah there's obviously a huge difference between 6 figure CEO and fast food employee making maybe in the low teens.


----------



## Nsweet

For the right price, I'll be anyone's sugar baby.


----------



## moxy

AP, I think money disparities matter to some people, but not to all people. Some men can't handle being with a woman who has a bigger paycheck, better rank, or more degrees; other men just find another thing to be proud of in their partners. Some women are very concerned with equality of pay, but others take on more traditional roles of letting the imbalance stand. I think that similar values about money, how to spend it and invest it or whatever, are more important to relationship health than just comparisons of fiscal standing or economic status; it comes down to cultural context and compatibility of values.

Personally, I don't mind making more than someone I'm with -- nor do I mind making less -- but, I cannot abide a miserly attitude toward money. I find it very, very uncomfortable to be around people who are not generous with what they have; hospitality and generosity were cornerstones in my upbringing, so it gets to me.


----------



## Another Planet

Not exactly what I am talking about but I get you Moxy.


----------



## vi_bride04

Income plays no bearing how much I like someone. 

If they are hard working and able to hold a job, cool. The amount of $$ they make is irrelevant. There are way more important things than money and "things" in life.


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> For the right price, I'll be anyone's sugar baby.


All right. 

Here's $150. Get over here and clean my condo b!tch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> All right.
> 
> Here's $150. Get over here and clean my condo b!tch.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't have to do sexual stuff do I?


----------



## krismimo

Happy St Pattys day everyone and from the looks of it those that had dates they went well! Congrats!  I can't wait to go home...


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> I don't have to do sexual stuff do I?


Nope. Just work that mop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Nope. Just work that mop.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Alright, but I get to clean my way.... Blasting heavy metal and watching porn.:smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Here"s a strange one to toss around. How do you guys feel about money and does it play a part in liking someone? I mean yeah there's obviously a huge difference between 6 figure CEO and fast food employee making maybe in the low teens.



l'm in agony over this one with pocket rocket. Everything l haven't got , she's got and everything she hasn't got , l have got , PLUS , between us we'd have 4 properties, perfect money match 

lt gets worse , she downsized so now she has no mortgage and heaps in the bank. 43 and she never has to work again, she's no dummy this one . AND , she's like me , just loves her free time.
lF , we hooked up , sold everything cept one house , neither of us would ever have to work again.

OH THE PAIN 
PS , this was in humor by the way !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> l'm in agony over this one with pocket rocket. Everything l haven't got , she's got and everything she hasn't got , l have got , PLUS , between us we'd have 4 properties, perfect money match
> 
> lt gets worse , she downsized so now she has no mortgage and heaps in the bank. 43 and she never has to work again, she's no dummy this one . AND , she's like me , just loves her free time.
> lF , we hooked up , sold everything cept one house , neither of us would ever have to work again.
> 
> OH THE PAIN


Seriously, who's the woman in this relationship you or her? Because you sound like you're more in love with the idea of her than the actual woman herself.

It didn't workout, and you're complaining like you've been with her for half your life... You haven't. She was just another one of those Miss Right-at-the-time people. Grieve and move past this. There's probably a very good reason you're not right for each other.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Seriously, who's the woman in this relationship you or her? Because you sound like you're more in love with the idea of her than the actual woman herself.
> 
> It didn't workout, and you're complaining like you've been with her for half your life... You haven't. She was just another one of those Miss Right-at-the-time people. Grieve and move past this. There's probably a very good reason you're not right for each other.



BS , Of course there is , you just read it all wrong ns .
And what , l'm tossing and turning any worse than any one else round here , l don't think so !


----------



## muskrat

Hello everyone. Seems like there has been a lot of dating going on. Glad to see most of you have been getting out there and meeting new people.


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> BS , Of course there is , you just read it all wrong ns .
> And what , l'm tossing and turning any worse than any one else round here , l don't think so !


Nah, I think you're just disappointed that it didn't work out and you didn't feel something for her because if you did, it sounds like it would have been a match made in heaven!!

In regards to the money, I make good money and my ex was extremely jealous of that. But if I met someone and they had no issue with me making more money then I would certainly date them or have a relationship with them. Now, if they were careless with their money and didn't pay their own way, then they would get tossed to the curb, I don't have time or money for that BS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Hello everyone. Seems like there has been a lot of dating going on. Glad to see most of you have been getting out there and meeting new people.


Rat! How are you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Hmmm well with my exh I made a loot more money than him... I was ok with it as long as he brought something in... it bothered him more, even though he knew it going it to the marriage.... this time around I have on my "requirement list" that they have to at least be in the same ballpark with me or more... I dont know just seems to make things eaiser... no worry of emasuclation

Though I think moren importantly that they have the same money philosophy I do... parring a saver with a spender doesn't work so well in my past history. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> Nah, I think you're just disappointed that it didn't work out and you didn't feel something for her because if you did, it sounds like it would have been a match made in heaven!!
> 
> In regards to the money, I make good money and my ex was extremely jealous of that. But if I met someone and they had no issue with me making more money then I would certainly date them or have a relationship with them. Now, if they were careless with their money and didn't pay their own way, then they would get tossed to the curb, I don't have time or money for that BS.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




You kidding , l was really disappointed alright, no doubt about that and nothing to do with our finances either. They were just an ironic twist.We were even joking about yesterday to each other and how set we'd be.

But no , we've been talking a few wks, getting along so well, she came down last wk just blew me away. You would not even believe some of our ironically in common things, 
Then yesterday, l know we both had high hopes , l wish it could've been different.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Hmmm well with my exh I made a loot more money than him... I was ok with it as long as he brought something in... it bothered him more, even though he knew it going it to the marriage.... this time around I have on my "requirement list" that they have to at least be in the same ballpark with me or more... I dont know just seems to make things eaiser... no worry of emasuclation
> 
> Though I think moren importantly that they have the same money philosophy I do... parring a saver with a spender doesn't work so well in my past history. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Goes both ways to you know . How many middle aged women want their independence and much deeper back after being supported in a marriage , it's very common.


Me l don't care , l'd happily look after someone or couldn't care less if she had more, made more or was a check out chick.
l've achieved a lot in my life , well until my marriage blew up. l even self financed and built my first business at 23. Nothing to prove to anyone now except maybe myself.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> I would say at this point he does not get the message and no reply back is needed. As long as you keep on answering back, he thinks he has a chance. Just don't answer back, ever.





COGypsy said:


> I'm thinking that another "grand gesture" will be on it's way in the not too distant future. He's learning that "the price" of communicating with you is to reach out in some over the top way. As long as you feel like you have to make some response to his actions, he'll just keep doing them.
> 
> I think you are more than justified in de-friending and blocking this guy. The sooner the better, in fact.





moxy said:


> Interesting. That seems to make sense of why his communications would have escalated to the love letter phase. In a way, getting you to respond becomes a game.


Interesting about saying it becomes a "game." It is perplexing, for sure. When I told him, THE FIRST TIME, that I did not want to date him AT ALL, he started inviting me on overseas vacation with him. I told him NO and then he backed off a teensy bit and then started calling, texting, leaving voice messages and other things on social media asking me out. He must have asked me out about thirty times and I didn't respond. 

Then he wrote his thirteen-paragraph love letter to me (that's long!) and I did not respond for over a week and he kept texting me asking if I'd gotten it. Finally I responded and told him, "I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU, I know you can respect that" and he said "I understand. Thanks for responding." That was a few days ago and then yesterday he starts texting me saying how he hopes to see me soon and hopes we can converse over some Malbec.

Strange bird, for sure. 



ne9907 said:


> He wants some jelly on his toast ,
> can you blame him? You are gorgeous!



Aww. Thanks, Ne!


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Rat! How are you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hello Unsure, I am doing pretty well. It looks like I am finally getting somewhere with getting things finalized. :smthumbup:

I believe I read a few pages back that you are smitten over someone. I hope things work out for you and everything else in your life is going well. Whoever it is that has gotten your attention is one lucky sob.


----------



## Jellybeans

Money - I prefer someone who has some. Lol. And a job/career/ambition/life goals. I cannot at all be with a man who isn't into those things. It does not turn me on at all. It also does not match my life so I prefer some semblance of commonality in that area.

I dated, briefly, a guy who had no stable job and it seriously turned me off. First I thought it was a temporary thing, the way he made it sound, but noticed nothing was really changing. We recently chatted and he's still not doing anything. This isn't something I can get with.

I suppose in my history of men, the ones I've been with did for themselves and I like this in a man.


----------



## muskrat

Dang Jelly, some guys just don't give up. I have a friend who is dealing with this same thing. She had to resort to calling the police and threatening him with harassment charges. That saga isn't over yet. Why some people continue to chase after someone who is clearly not interested is beyond me.
Of course like NE said, you are gorgeous. You are also incredibly intelligent and charismatic. I can see why he is so interested.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Hello Unsure, I am doing pretty well. It looks like I am finally getting somewhere with getting things finalized. :smthumbup:
> 
> I believe I read a few pages back that you are smitten over someone. I hope things work out for you and everything else in your life is going well. Whoever it is that has gotten your attention is one lucky sob.


Thanks Rat! Hes in my pics if you want to check him out... the one in black tie.. but we will see, not getting to ahead of myself

Im glad you are finally getting stuff finalized. .. hows the ladies front? Got anyone special right now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Mmmm malbec...was it at least a good year Jelly? Lol

Money- as I have said before I expect independance. I do not want to have to worry about someone and take care of them. Why? Because j know myself and someone could latch on easily and suck me dry. Hell I still haven't recovered all the way from my marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> You kidding , l was really disappointed alright, no doubt about that and nothing to do with our finances either. They were just an ironic twist.We were even joking about yesterday to each other and how set we'd be.
> 
> But no , we've been talking a few wks, getting along so well, she came down last wk just blew me away. You would not even believe some of our ironically in common things,
> Then yesterday, l know we both had high hopes , l wish it could've been different.


Ok so what is missing then??

Ok...so what is missing then??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

vi_bride04 said:


> Income plays no bearing how much I like someone.
> 
> If they are hard working and able to hold a job, cool. The amount of $$ they make is irrelevant. There are way more important things than money and "things" in life.


Oh, it's relevant, but not drastically so. If someone is successful and *happy* in their career, that is more important than the $ figure.

Dating a guy with money is a lot easier than dating a guy without. But, it is not a reason to be with him. It is just one more piece in the package....and like I said, it is not the most important piece.


----------



## Another Planet

Oh on a side note I think my ex found a boyfriend!!!!!  I am so happy someone else gets to deal with that **** yay happy days for me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok so what is missing then??
> 
> Ok...so what is missing then??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



l can't say ff . lt just went flat .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting about saying it becomes a "game." It is perplexing, for sure. When I told him, THE FIRST TIME, that I did not want to date him AT ALL, he started inviting me on overseas vacation with him. I told him NO and then he backed off a teensy bit and then started calling, texting, leaving voice messages and other things on social media asking me out. He must have asked me out about thirty times and I didn't respond.
> 
> Then he wrote his thirteen-paragraph love letter to me (that's long!) and I did not respond for over a week and he kept texting me asking if I'd gotten it. Finally I responded and told him, "I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU, I know you can respect that" and he said "I understand. Thanks for responding." That was a few days ago and then yesterday he starts texting me saying how he hopes to see me soon and hopes we can converse over some Malbec.
> 
> Strange bird, for sure.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Aww. Thanks, Ne!





Some people believe in a sitch like this they might ware you down in the end . Maybe you'll even be impressed by how they didn't give up on you.

He might be one of those JB.


----------



## vi_bride04

Fenix said:


> Oh, it's relevant, but not drastically so. If someone is successful and *happy* in their career, that is more important than the $ figure.
> 
> Dating a guy with money is a lot easier than dating a guy without. But, it is not a reason to be with him. It is just one more piece in the package....and like I said, it is not the most important piece.


:iagree:

You explained it much better than I could, Fenix. Especially agree with the last line.


----------



## vi_bride04

whitehawk said:


> Some people believe in a sitch like this they might ware you down in the end . Maybe you'll even be impressed by how they didn't give up on you.
> 
> He might be one of those JB.


Or he might be someone who doesn't respect people or their boundaries. JB has told him numerous times she was not interested. He is not being respectful to her by continuing to ask her out.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> She had to resort to calling the police and threatening him with harassment charges. That saga isn't over yet.


Gosh that sucks. Did he start showing up places she was? That is very scary.



muskrat said:


> Of course like NE said, you are gorgeous. You are also incredibly intelligent and charismatic. I can see why he is so interested.


Thank you! 

I am happy to hear your D is getting closer to the end. Woo hoo! Partay!



Another Planet said:


> Money- as I have said before I expect independance. I do not want to have to worry about someone and take care of them.


Me, too. Not my jam.



Another Planet said:


> Oh on a side note I think my ex found a boyfriend!!!!!  I am so happy someone else gets to deal with that **** yay happy days for me!


:rofl:



whitehawk said:


> Some people believe in a sitch like this they might ware you down in the end . Maybe you'll even be impressed by how they didn't give up on you.
> 
> He might be one of those JB.


Yeah I think so. But it's a turn off to me. 



vi_bride04 said:


> Or he might be someone who doesn't respect people or their boundaries. JB has told him numerous times she was not interested. He is not being respectful to her by continuing to ask her out.


And I definitely agree with this. It is definitely a boundary issue. It's like he has none.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Here"s a strange one to toss around. How do you guys feel about money and does it play a part in liking someone? I mean yeah there's obviously a huge difference between 6 figure CEO and fast food employee making maybe in the low teens.


For me personally, I want to be with someone who makes more than I do. I struggle paycheck to paycheck, and would really rather be with someone who is doing better than I am. I am by no means a gold digger or wanting someone to buy me things all the time! When I am looking at online dating profiles, I have to admit I will pass up someone who makes the same wage as me, or lower, if that info is posted.


----------



## LanieB

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting about saying it becomes a "game." It is perplexing, for sure. When I told him, THE FIRST TIME, that I did not want to date him AT ALL, he started inviting me on overseas vacation with him. I told him NO and then he backed off a teensy bit and then started calling, texting, leaving voice messages and other things on social media asking me out. He must have asked me out about thirty times and I didn't respond.
> 
> Then he wrote his thirteen-paragraph love letter to me (that's long!) and I did not respond for over a week and he kept texting me asking if I'd gotten it. Finally I responded and told him, "I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU, I know you can respect that" and he said "I understand. Thanks for responding." That was a few days ago and then yesterday he starts texting me saying how he hopes to see me soon and hopes we can converse over some Malbec.
> 
> Strange bird, for sure.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Aww. Thanks, Ne!


Gotta chime in here, because I've had some experience with this. (had a stalker for 5-6 years!) You need to be very careful with this guy, JB. As Drerio said, do not respond to him in any way - other than possibly telling him you will contact the police if he continues. Block his number, return any letters unopened (or keep them for evidence, I suppose), etc, etc. You can't be nice to this kind of man. You can't even be polite. You have no idea how much this could escalate in the future. 

If you're like me, it's not your nature to be "mean", but you may have to conjure up some "b!tch" in order to get this guy to leave you alone! Also, if you know anyone in law enforcement, I would talk to him/her about this situation, if it continues. Maybe I'm overreacting, but what you've described sounds so much like what I went through in the beginning of my ordeal - I just think you need to be careful.


----------



## Jellybeans

LanieB said:


> Gotta chime in here, because I've had some experience with this. (had a stalker for 5-6 years!) You need to be very careful with this guy, JB.
> 
> If you're like me, it's not your nature to be "mean", but you may have to conjure up some "b!tch" in order to get this guy to leave you alone! Maybe I'm overreacting, but what you've described sounds so much like what I went through in the beginning of my ordeal - I just think you need to be careful.


Thanks for advising, Lanie. Do you mind sharing with me what happened? Did you go out with the guy? I only went on two dates with him. More than one friend of mine has told me to be careful. I think he is harmless but I do think he has major boundary issues. He does not know where I live. And I am not generally a mean person and am nice but I am very blunt. He is just the first guy who I've told point blank it wasn't going to happen who has kept persisting/insisting in this relentless manner.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> For me personally, I want to be with someone who makes more than I do. I struggle paycheck to paycheck, and would really rather be with someone who is doing better than I am. I am by no means a gold digger or wanting someone to buy me things all the time! When I am looking at online dating profiles, I have to admit I will pass up someone who makes the same wage as me, or lower, if that info is posted.


Exact reason why I put I make $35-50k on my profile.


----------



## LanieB

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks for advising, Lanie. Do you mind sharing with me what happened? Did you go out with the guy? I only went on two dates with him. More than one friend of mine has told me to be careful. I think he is harmless but I do think he has major boundary issues. He does not know where I live. And I am not generally a mean person and am nice but I am very blunt. He is just the first guy who I've told point blank it wasn't going to happen who has kept persisting/insisting in this relentless manner.


It was basically the same deal here. I'd thought he was a pretty nice guy.  Went out a couple of times, but I wasn't interested, so I ended it. (well, I *tried* to end it!) Apparently, I was the "love of his life"! WTF?! He knew my routine - where I worked and where I lived. I would see him in my rearview mirror constantly, following me through town or wherever I went. He constantly drove by my house, called my house, called me at work, mailed letters to my home, mailed letters to work, I would be at Walmart or the grocery store and happen to catch him hiding at the end of an aisle watching me - - and on and on and on. I kept every curtain closed in my house at all times. He even had a girlfriend he eventually married during this time! I was dating and eventually got married myself, and he still wouldn't leave me alone! He would stop for a few months, and then it would start again. I'd told him over and over to leave me alone. I hung up on him every time he called - had no idea why he kept doing it. It started and stopped so much, that every time, I kept thinking, "Maybe this time it has finally ended." - - I was like Charlie Brown thinking he was really going to kick that football! :rofl: 

I never thought he would actually hurt me, but it really messed with my head and caused me a lot of stress. I finally threatened to tell his wife and get a restraining order. I didn't want to actually have to do that, because by that time, I realized my husband was very jealous and would never believe that I didn't somehow encourage this behavior. (I had never told him about the stalking.  I always kept thinking it was over and done.) This guy was still calling my house all the time (blocking his number) and hanging up - and my husband was getting angry, and at one time even thought I might be having an affair because of all the hang-ups! 

I ran into this guy several years ago, and you know what he said???? He said, "I can't believe you were SO MEAN to me! You acted like such a b!tch there at the end!" OMG. He seriously said that. The sad/scary part is that he is remarried to a different woman now, but if I even looked twice at him, he would be all over me again. (He also made that clear when I ran into him a few years ago. )


----------



## Jellybeans

LanieB said:


> It was basically the same deal here. I'd thought he was a pretty nice guy.  Went out a couple of times, but I wasn't interested, so I ended it. (well, I *tried* to end it!) Apparently, I was the "love of his life"! WTF?! He knew my routine - where I worked and where I lived. I would see him in my rearview mirror constantly, following me through town or wherever I went. He constantly drove by my house, called my house, called me at work, mailed letters to my home, mailed letters to work, I would be at Walmart or the grocery store and happen to catch him hiding at the end of an aisle watching me - - and on and on and on. I kept every curtain closed in my house at all times.
> 
> I ran into this guy several years ago, and you know what he said???? He said, "I can't believe you were SO MEAN to me! You acted like such a b!tch there at the end!" OMG. He seriously said that.


Omg that is insane.  I am glad to hear he backed off and you are safe. That is nuts. He was a total stalker!!!! It reminds me of that show about the stalkers!

This guy doesn't know where I live or work. I am positive he would have showed up already if he did.

Thanks for sharing your story with me.


----------



## Hoosier

Ok, idiot alert! I see where Unsure said you could see her new boyfriend by looking at her pictures.... you can post pictures here? Did not know that...how is it done, where are they kept? 

Sorry for thread jack.


----------



## Another Planet

Wtf is wrong with some guys?! 
They need to get married and have their lives completely destroyed by a woman then they will learn lol
In all honesty how can someone be so infatuated with someone else that it seems to define who they are?


----------



## Another Planet

Hoosier said:


> Ok, idiot alert! I see where Unsure said you could see her new boyfriend by looking at her pictures.... you can post pictures here? Did not know that...how is it done, where are they kept?
> 
> Sorry for thread jack.


No hijack, that's kind of the whole point of this thread lol just banter really.

But yes, in our profiles we have albums but a lot of us have ours locked and you have to be friends with us.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Omg that is insane.  I am glad to hear he backed off and you are safe. That is nuts. He was a total stalker!!!! It reminds me of that show about the stalkers!
> 
> This guy doesn't know where I live or work. I am positive he would have showed up already if he did.
> 
> Thanks for sharing your story with me.


I agree with Lanie JB, the guy is way beyond not taking the hint or thinking maybe he just left the wrong first impression. With what you described I would be very surprised if he isn't stalking you. The fact that you haven't caught him doing it yet is the part that worries me, because it means he is too good at it. Maybe he just gets enough of his kicks from doing his stalking online, but he easily could fit into the sociopathic definition, which makes him dangerous.

I'm not trying to scare you but I am advising you to not brush him off as harmless, if there is just one more incident with him it will be time to get proactive about it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Wtf is wrong with some guys?!
> They need to get married and have their lives completely destroyed by a woman then they will learn lol


Haha, right? Last night I was hearing my friend tell me about how he's married now and how it ain't what he expected. I was like, Yep. Reason #352 I am not wanting to marry again in this lifetime. 

:rofl:



Lon said:


> I agree with Lanie JB, the guy is way beyond not taking the hint or thinking maybe he just left the wrong first impression. With what you described I would be very surprised if he isn't stalking you.
> 
> I'm not trying to scare you but I am advising you to not brush him off as harmless, if there is just one more incident with him it will be time to get proactive about it.


Have to say I totally agree. Please watch your back, LanieB. Not normal at all.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Haha, right? Last night I was hearing my friend tell me about how he's married now and how it ain't what he expected. I was like, Yep. Reason #352 I am not wanting to marry again in this lifetime.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> Have to say I totally agree. Please watch your back, LanieB. Not normal at all.


Jelly I think Lon is talking about you


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Haha, right? Last night I was hearing my friend tell me about how he's married now and how it ain't what he expected. I was like, Yep. Reason #352 I am not wanting to marry again in this lifetime.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> Have to say I totally agree. Please watch your back, LanieB. Not normal at all.


Wow JB you are even more of a stalker's dream fantasy than I even thought you could be 

(Deferreing to AP's comment above)


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Jelly I think Lon is talking about you





Lon said:


> Wow JB you are even more of a stalker's dream fantasy than I even thought you could be
> 
> (Deferreing to AP's comment above)


Oh I see. Yeah I am an idiot. I thought that was directed to Lanie, not me. 

Haha so you think my desire to not marry makes me even more stalker-material? Funny.

Yes I will watch my back, you guys. I appreciate your concern for me.


----------



## LanieB

Jellybeans said:


> Haha, right? Last night I was hearing my friend tell me about how he's married now and how it ain't what he expected. I was like, Yep. Reason #352 I am not wanting to marry again in this lifetime.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> Have to say I totally agree. Please watch your back, LanieB. Not normal at all.





Another Planet said:


> Jelly I think Lon is talking about you





Lon said:


> Wow JB you are even more of a stalker's dream fantasy than I even thought you could be
> 
> (Deferreing to AP's comment above)


:rofl::lol: JB, sweetie, you're just SO PRETTY!! :rofl: (That's what Annie always tells me when I have a blonde moment!) Do you have a good friend IRL we could talk to - and warn her that maybe SHE should watch your back for you?!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> For the right price, I'll be anyone's sugar baby.


I am with you on this one Nsweet.

I want a sugar daddy


----------



## ne9907

Disclaimer: yes, I am obsessing.

I put my wedding band on my keychain, it is very noticeable because I only have 1 key, my car keys, and my wedding band. 
Why? I like it there.

Earlier today a coworker asked for a cigarrette and gave him my car keys. He asked why I kept my wedding band on my key ring, he thought it was weird as he is also divorced.

This has me thinking and obsessing a bit. I let 26 year old drive my car the other night, I am sure he noticed my wedding band in key ring. He did not say anything, but guys (and women) If you went out with someone and noticed they had the wedding band on their key ring, what would you think of it?


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, as a woman, if I noticed a guy had his wedding ring on his key ring it would make me think he wasn't over his marriage/divorce.

And you let young buck drive your car? After one date? Girrrrl. 

Your avatar always cracks me up, Ne. It's adorable. It can be cousins with LanieB's avatar.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well, as a woman, if I noticed a guy had his wedding ring on his key ring it would make me think he wasn't over his marriage/divorce.
> 
> And you let young buck drive your car? After one date? Girrrrl.
> 
> Your avatar always cracks me up, Ne. It's adorable. It can be cousins with LanieB's avatar.


haha, yeah, i let him drive my car. I was with him the whole time. I know a lot of people feel as if their car is their baby but not me. I just have it because I need it. It is just a car 

A very reliable, and nice looking car (dont want to hurt its feelings  but still just not that important.

I am going overboard with the happy faces ****..... something is not right with me!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Well, as a woman, if I noticed a guy had his wedding ring on his key ring it would make me think he wasn't over his marriage/divorce.


:iagree: Yeah, that.


----------



## Ikaika

LanieB said:


> :rofl::lol: *JB, sweetie, you're just SO PRETTY!!* :rofl: (That's what Annie always tells me when I have a blonde moment!) Do you have a good friend IRL we could talk to - and warn her that maybe SHE should watch your back for you?!


And you know the bold statement how? I am probably the only one who has never seen my TAM niece, JB.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

drerio said:


> And you know the bold statement how? I am probably the only one who has never seen my TAM niece, JB.


Because she is too dang hot to post pics to her profile, she would never get any rest from the single dudes hitting on her!


----------



## Ikaika

Only because it is still morning here and I think in music. Enjoy, especially if you are in the cold still:

Jack Johnson: In the Morning - YouTube


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> Because she is too dang hot to post pics to her profile, she would never any rest from the single dudes hitting on her!


The lehua blossom of TAM  Beautiful but often hard to find. When picked the gods cry and cause it to rain. 

John Cruz Music Video Kawailehua - YouTube


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> And you know the bold statement how? I am probably the only one who has never seen my TAM niece, JB.





3Xnocharm said:


> Because she is too dang hot to post pics to her profile, she would never any rest from the single dudes hitting on her!


I haven't either, at least not that I remember. I do know I was caught off guard when she said she was my age, I had no idea :scratchhead:
I am pretty sure I have seen the rest of the single TAM ladies except the recent newbs  Never mind I can already think of quite a few others that I have no idea what they look like


----------



## ne9907

I love oranges.... and I am in a such great, happy mood, it is a bit scary!!


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> I love oranges.... and I am in a such great, happy mood, it is a bit scary!!



What is the point of having your wedding ring on your keychain? I would think that would be a red flag to any guy..and vice versa if it was a guy doing that...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> What is the point of having your wedding ring on your keychain? I would think that would be a red flag to any guy..and vice versa if it was a guy doing that...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It looks pretty haha! 
I shall remove it.


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> It looks pretty haha!
> I shall remove it.



If you are serious about trying to find someone to have a relationship with....no judging, just seems like someone that is not over their ex would do (been there)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jelly is super gorgeous. .. thats why she my designated gf... if im going to swing that way, got to be for a beautiful, smart, independent girl...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Yea Ne I would take off the ring..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> If you are serious about trying to find someone to have a relationship with....no judging, just seems like someone that is not over their ex would do (been there)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I originally left it in my keyring because I did not want to lose it and did nto want to accept it was over. The incident this morning got me thinking why do I even keep it?

Sometimes i forget things, so I am glad my co worker noticed, otherwise I would have forgotten the reason I placed wedding band there in the first place.

I no longer need a reminder.

Thanks


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Exact reason why I put I make $35-50k on my profile.


How many really do tell the truth? I just say I will tell you later. I do use education as a qualifier though. If you don't have at least a college degree, no contact. Yeah. That makes me a snob.


----------



## LanieB

ne9907 said:


> Yes, I originally left it in my keyring because I did not want to lose it and did nto want to accept it was over. The incident this morning got me thinking why do I even keep it?
> 
> Sometimes i forget things, so I am glad my co worker noticed, otherwise I would have forgotten the reason I placed wedding band there in the first place.
> 
> I no longer need a reminder.
> 
> Thanks


I say you should sell your ring.  I'm going to sell my rings at some point. (stuck them in a safe deposit box for now) I would like to say I'll take that money and go on a nice vacation - - but I know myself, and I'm too much of a money-hoarder!


----------



## ne9907

LanieB said:


> I say you should sell your ring.  I'm going to sell my rings at some point. (stuck them in a safe deposit box for now) I would like to say I'll take that money and go on a nice vacation - - but I know myself, and I'm too much of a money-hoarder!


Mine is not worth much, maybe 100 bucks if that.
I left engagement ring and other rings we had accumulate throughout our marriage with ex.

So yeah, i will sell ring and go on a nice mini vacation to McDonalds!!! Who wants in??


----------



## lisab0105

Fenix said:


> How many really do tell the truth? I just say I will tell you later. I do use education as a qualifier though. If you don't have at least a college degree, no contact. Yeah. That makes me a snob.


With how crazy expensive college is, even community college, I wouldn't dare hold school against someone. Interest rates on students loans and what not, people are up to their ears in student debt, I wouldn't blame someone for not wanting to touch that with a ten foot pole. It took me 17 years to go to college and only one year into it, I don't think the debt I will have by the end of it is worth it, not in the least.


----------



## LanieB

ne9907 said:


> Mine is not worth much, maybe 100 bucks if that.
> I left engagement ring and other rings we had accumulate throughout our marriage with ex.
> 
> So yeah, i will sell ring and go on a nice mini vacation to McDonalds!!! Who wants in??


Me me me!!! I'll take a double-cheeseburger and fries! I'll even buy! 

I nearly flushed my rings down the toilet - - SERIOUSLY!! :rofl: But common sense finally kicked in, and I reluctantly took them to the safe deposit box before I was tempted again.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I haven't either, at least not that I remember. I do know I was caught off guard when she said she was my age, I had no idea :scratchhead:


What is that supposed do mean? Did you think I was older or younger?



drerio said:


> And you know the bold statement how? I am probably the only one who has never seen my TAM niece, JB.


I thought you had seen a pic of me? Guess not.



3Xnocharm said:


> Because she is too dang hot to post pics to her profile, she would never get any rest from the single dudes hitting on her!





unsure78 said:


> Jelly is super gorgeous. .. thats why she my designated gf... if im going to swing that way, got to be for a beautiful, smart, independent girl...


Haha. I love you guys! 

And I ****** love you, Unsure! 

A few of you have seen me before. 

Oh I am so ready for a nap.

NE, definitely take that ring off your keychain. It sets the path for healing once you axe it from there. New beginnings.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> How many really do tell the truth? I just say I will tell you later. I do use education as a qualifier though. If you don't have at least a college degree, no contact. Yeah. That makes me a snob.


Not that it is a deal breaker for me, but I would actually prefer a woman that didn't have a degree... Not because I don't want her to be smarter or higher paid than I, but because I just admire and respect the Intellect that is acquired in the real world rather than academia, and so those four years wasted at college would put her further behind the curve. My gf actually does have a degree in nursing, however I still admire her because she used her time there to reflect on how broken the system is and how backwards society is.


----------



## Disenchanted

Whoever wasted the mods' time by complaining about me:

That was weak and petty and you should grow up.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> Whoever wasted the mods' time by complaining about me:
> 
> That was weak and petty and you should grow up.


Someone in this thread?? :scratchhead:


----------



## Disenchanted

yup


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Whoever wasted the mods' time by complaining about me:
> 
> That was weak and petty and you should grow up.


I eliminiate myself from the accusations because I think you are hot...

There, I have an excellent alibi.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> I eliminiate myself from the accusations because I think you are hot...
> 
> There, I have an excellent alibi.


Holy crap, was not expecting that response at all.

Thank you very much! Just made my day. Wow.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I eliminiate myself from the accusations because I think you are hot...
> 
> There, I have an excellent alibi.


Me too dis!


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> How many really do tell the truth? I just say I will tell you later. I do use education as a qualifier though. If you don't have at least a college degree, no contact. Yeah. That makes me a snob.



I am not necessarily lying, I don't make less then that. It is just hard to put a number down for someone like me cause I don't have a real job. I just said that because that is the kind of lifestyle I lead, someone who makes that kind of annual income.

It doesn't mean you are a snob just means you are narrowminded, which is fine cause we are talking about finding a significant other here I think we know what we are all after.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Seems like an awfully uptight thing to do for the folks in THIS thread!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am with you on this one Nsweet.
> 
> I want a sugar daddy


Well NE, with you I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no, just maybe. 

Maybe if we were both drunk, and it felt like the right idea at the time, and you were a little curious about men with tongue rings.

:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> Me too dis!


Lol thanks Lon, pretty sure I know who it was. It was just a dumb thing to do. I ain't never hurt no one and I don't want to have to come on here and spill my personal stuff to defend myself.

I DID NOTHING TO YOU. (not you Lon)


----------



## jpr

Lon said:


> Not that it is a deal breaker for me, but I would actually prefer a woman that didn't have a degree... Not because I don't want her to be smarter or higher paid than I, but because I just admire and respect the Intellect that is acquired in the real world rather than academia, and so those four years wasted at college would put her further behind the curve. My gf actually does have a degree in nursing, however I still admire her because she used her time there to reflect on how broken the system is and how backwards society is.


Hmmmm....:scratchhead:....I didn't think my college years were a waste of time. I learned a lot....and use it everyday. But, I am a teacher.

However, I was married to a college professor, and I know for some, college is indeed a waste of time. But, that might mostly be because they go to college without a plan---or don't have the maturity to handle college.

I think it is the individual, though. If you have a driven personality, then you will be awesome at whatever you choose to do--college, vocational school, whatever. 

I think that you might be missing out on some things if you simply judge someone by whether or not they went to college.

I dated someone who didn't finish high school. ...for a long time. He was very driven, and later got his associates degree. But, he is clearly embarrassed that he dropped out of high school, and was constantly trying to prove how smart he was. I understood that, and it didn't bother me that much. ...but, intellectually, we weren't a good match---but, it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't go to college or finish high school. He was just interested in different things--intellectually.

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss people based solely on their education level.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> What is that supposed do mean? Did you think I was older or younger?
> 
> 
> 
> I thought you had seen a pic of me? Guess not.
> 
> Haha. I love you guys!
> 
> And I ****** love you, Unsure!
> 
> A few of you have seen me before.
> 
> Oh I am so ready for a nap.
> 
> NE, definitely take that ring off your keychain. It sets the path for healing once you axe it from there. New beginnings.


 (**** AP tries to feverishly figure out how to step out of the hot water)......

You are the one with the guy deemed old hat right and I swear you said multiple times you were looking for the 40 or + range. I just was not expecting you to be my age is all


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Whoever wasted the mods' time by complaining about me:
> 
> That was weak and petty and you should grow up.





ne9907 said:


> I eliminiate myself from the accusations because I think you are hot...
> 
> There, I have an excellent alibi.


We have *A LOT* of lurkers here Dis. I don't think any of the ones who post have beef with anyone else who posts. We might have a tiff here and there but for the most part it all comes back together. 

Lol NE


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> (**** AP tries to feverishly figure out how to step out of the hot water)......
> 
> You are the one with the guy deemed old hat right and I swear you said multiple times you were looking for the 40 or + range. I just was not expecting you to be my age is all


Yep she likes em old, gives us men a big blast of hope that as we age we may attract beautiful young women sexually and not just for our gold!

And I have only seen one pic of her (I think, assuming it was her but it was awfully blurry!)


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Whoever wasted the mods' time by complaining about me:
> 
> That was weak and petty and you should grow up.


Totally wasnt me... you are kinda fun Dis...I would prefer to keep you around
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> What is that supposed do mean? Did you think I was older or younger?
> 
> 
> 
> *I thought you had seen a pic of me? Guess not.*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. I love you guys!
> 
> And I ****** love you, Unsure!
> 
> A few of you have seen me before.
> 
> Oh I am so ready for a nap.
> 
> NE, definitely take that ring off your keychain. It sets the path for healing once you axe it from there. New beginnings.



I'm old so I suffer from CRS.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Totally wasnt me... you are kinda fun Dis...I would prefer to keep you around
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks! 

You forgot hot.

wink wink at NE


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Hmmmm....:scratchhead:....I didn't think my college years were a waste of time. I learned a lot....and use it everyday. But, I am a teacher.
> 
> However, I was married to a college professor, and I know for some, college is indeed a waste of time. But, that might mostly be because they go to college without a plan---or don't have the maturity to handle college.
> 
> I think it is the individual, though. If you have a driven personality, then you will be awesome at whatever you choose to do--college, vocational school, whatever.
> 
> I think that you might be missing out on some things if you simply judge someone by whether or not they went to college.
> 
> I dated someone who didn't finish high school. ...for a long time. He was very driven, and later got his associates degree. But, he is clearly embarrassed that he dropped out of high school, and was constantly trying to prove how smart he was. I understood that, and it didn't bother me that much. ...but, intellectually, we weren't a good match---but, it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't go to college or finish high school. He was just interested in different things--intellectually.
> 
> I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss people based solely on their education level.


What is the saying, those who can, do, those who can't, teach? 

I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING, I respect teachers a ton and I suspect you are a wonderful teacher JPR

You do sum it up perfectly, if you go to college because that is the career path you choose, then it is by no means a waste of time. What is a waste is enrolling in college in order to declare your socio-economic status.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> You guys can keep your Jellybeans, she's a little to much like my family for me. I just want Dolly....
> 
> But a woman like that has to be romanced and have her heart go a flutter. Not an easy task by any means, but worthy of the challenge.


amongst all of JB's qualities, one nice thing about her is that she also may come bundled with Unsure. I would l like to see Dolly try one-upping that


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Thanks!
> 
> You forgot hot.
> 
> wink wink at NE


Hmmm well I kinda have a bf now...so it time for me to be a good girl again... except for jelly, cause what guys doesnt love girl on girl...

(For the record I belive in the past I said you were cute Dis when I saw your pic before..lol)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> amongst all of JB's qualities, one nice thing about her is that she also may come bundled with Unsure. I would l like to see Dolly try one-upping that


Hahahah love it Lon!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hoosier

Wow! still intrigued by the photo thing....going to have to make some friends I guess in order to see them.......I hate that!


----------



## Another Planet

How long ago did I mention that we had 8500 replies and 150000 views? No way just us could do all those views and guess what we are now at over 10500 replies and almost 200,000 views 0_0!!! No way we can do all those views, like I said we have a large background of viewers that don't post...I really wouldn't put to much thought or worry into it Dis.


----------



## Another Planet

Hoosier said:


> Wow! still intrigued by the photo thing....going to have to make some friends I guess in order to see them.......I hate that!


Guess so


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Hahahah love it Lon!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course, Dolly has the accent and the voice going for her, and more importantly her British sense of humour... that goes long way


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Disclaimer: yes, I am obsessing.
> 
> I put my wedding band on my keychain, it is very noticeable because I only have 1 key, my car keys, and my wedding band.
> Why? I like it there.
> 
> Earlier today a coworker asked for a cigarrette and gave him my car keys. He asked why I kept my wedding band on my key ring, he thought it was weird as he is also divorced.
> 
> This has me thinking and obsessing a bit. I let 26 year old drive my car the other night, I am sure he noticed my wedding band in key ring. He did not say anything, but guys (and women) If you went out with someone and noticed they had the wedding band on their key ring, what would you think of it?



l'd think it was weird still on her key ring.
Maybe tucked away in the bottom of some dark draw somewhere but that'd be it.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> How long ago did I mention that we had 8500 replies and 150000 views? No way just us could do all those views and guess what we are now at over 10500 replies and almost 200,000 views 0_0!!! No way we can do all those views, like I said we have a large background of viewers that don't post...I really wouldn't put to much thought or worry into it Dis.


lol
you are silly AP


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> l'd think it was weird still on her key ring.
> Maybe tucked away in the bottom of some dark draw somewhere but that'd be it.


My wedding ring is sitting right in front of me under one of my monitors. I am looking at it right now. It's a reminder of how much I hate the biotch and how much I love being single now lol


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> ...I don't want to see her naked....Dolly is like a friend of the family you always called Auntie...


Young padawan needs to learn that sometimes you can get better results by smiling and nodding and keeping the inside voice on the inside


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> Young padawan needs to learn that sometimes you can get better results by smiling and nodding and keeping the inside voice on the inside


What and keep my compliment hole closed?

I'd rather say the wrong thing than and piss a few people off than be super nice and quiet.


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey I am actually here you know!


----------



## Nsweet

That's how you get Dolly here. You mention her name and sex and she's all over this thread.


----------



## Lon

Another Planet said:


> My wedding ring is sitting right in front of me under one of my monitors. I am looking at it right now. It's a reminder of how much I hate the biotch and how much I love being single now lol


I put my ring on the top of a shelf. Since moving it keeps popping up, I think I saw it in a box with a bunch of cleaning supplies last. I think I will take it to a jeweller and see if I can get anything for it, maybe use it for beer money and consume it so I no longer have to think of it.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> lol
> you are silly AP


What can I say I guess we are the cool kids on TAM, people like to read about us 

Seriously 50K views in less then a month?!! That's pretty good. I joked about if someone was writing a book about us all a couple months ago but maybe it's like MTV's realworld or something for some people lol


----------



## Lon

Another Planet said:


> What can I say I guess we are the cool kids on TAM, people like to read about us
> 
> Seriously 50K views in less then a month?!! That's pretty good. I joked about if someone was writing a book about us all a couple months ago but maybe it's like MTV's realworld or something for some people lol


we are like the train wreck that people can't avert their eyes from.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> What can I say I guess we are the cool kids on TAM, people like to read about us
> 
> Seriously 50K views in less then a month?!! That's pretty good. I joked about if someone was writing a book about us all a couple months ago but maybe it's like MTV's realworld or something for some people lol


Ohhh!! Which celebrity would I want to play as me in a movie??

Maybe Salma Hayek ... ( I am Mexican too but her accent gives me a headache...) so I will keep casting actors!


----------



## unsure78

Lon you are cracking me up today 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> Hey I am actually here you know!


Always watching O_O


----------



## unsure78

OMG lon my new guy has a sign that says "bacon makes everything better" it made me think of you when I saw it...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Haha, right? Last night I was hearing my friend tell me about how he's married now and how it ain't what he expected. I was like, Yep. Reason #352 I am not wanting to marry again in this lifetime.


Funny, I had the exact same convo with a friend yesterday. We hadn't spoken in a while (we live in different states), ans so I asked him how he liked married life. (He got married last summer. We're obviously not super close, but we were pretty tight when we worked together.) He says, well it's not what I expected it would be. I say, how so? He replies, I thought if we got married, she'd stop feeling so lonely.

*facepalm*

I wanted to tell him, you don't get married in order to fix pre-existing probs! I guess he's learning that now.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> we are like the train wreck that people can't avert their eyes from.


LOL ya for sure...



ne9907 said:


> Ohhh!! Which celebrity would I want to play as me in a movie??
> 
> Maybe Salma Hayek ... ( I am Mexican too but her accent gives me a headache...) so I will keep casting actors!


MMM love me some Salma Hayek!I just watched Grown Ups 2, I swear her boobs got exponentially bigger like woah bigger!


----------



## Nsweet

*<= This guy*

Tells women he will never get married again.....


Secretly doesn't mean it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, regarding the money question... I just want a man to be able to take care of/support himself. Someone who's good with managing their money, but isn't a tightwad. Because it's nice if a guy would like to treat me occasionally, for a special occasion.

But I'm a cheap date. Let's go to Noodles & Co or go get some FroYo. Or go to a museum, or whatever. Don't spend a lot of money unless it's really important.

Because I handle my money. I'm responsible, and I'd want someone who is also responsible - but who isn't going to give me sh!t when I go out and spend $500 on clothes. I'm careful with my money so I can do that when I want.


----------



## Lon

unsure78 said:


> OMG lon my new guy has a sign that says "bacon makes everything better" it made me think of you when I saw it...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My son made a craft at school for st. patricks day, a rainbow with a bunch of cut out 4 leaf clovers listing the things he is lucky for - #2 was "That I get to eat Bacon and Salami and Goldfish" (number one was "I have a lot of pets" but he has never actually had a single pet... does anyone know if bacon contains any hallucinogens?)


----------



## ne9907

I know! It will be Rosario Dawson! I love her!


----------



## Lon

Nsweet said:


> *<= This guy*
> 
> Tells women he will never get married again.....
> 
> 
> Secretly doesn't mean it.


for some reason I just Deja Vu'd really hard looking at this comment Nsweet... have you posted that before?


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> *<= This guy*
> 
> Tells women he will never get married again.....
> 
> 
> Secretly doesn't mean it.


My motto is this: I might never get married again. I'm perfectly happy with that. If I do get married again, he better be really damn special, because I had to go through hell to get my freedom, identity, and self-love back. I'm not going to tie myself down again for just anybody.

In other words, getting married is no longer my end goal.

He better make it worth my while.


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> My son made a craft at school for st. patricks day, a rainbow with a bunch of cut out 4 leaf clovers listing the things he is lucky for - #2 was "That I get to eat Bacon and Salami and Goldfish" (number one was "I have a lot of pets" but he has never actually had a single pet... does anyone know if bacon contains any hallucinogens?)


I love bacon, best thing ever.

I heard a joke about a 4 leaf clover.
Why did the leprechaun wanted to iron his 4 leaf clover??

He wanted to press his luck~


----------



## Lon

ne9907 said:


> I know! It will be Rosario Dawson! I love her!


I think I saw your pic once (a selfie where you had the camera above your head and you were looking up at it). Whenever I read your username I always envision Rosario Dawson in your place looking up for the high angle selfie.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I know! It will be Rosario Dawson! I love her!


I agree and I am totally not going to post another comparison pic with how great it went the last time I did that lol


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> My motto is this: I might never get married again. I'm perfectly happy with that. If I do get married again, he better be really damn special, because I had to go through hell to get my freedom, identity, and self-love back. I'm not going to tie myself down again for just anybody.
> 
> In other words, getting married is no longer my end goal.
> 
> He better make it worth my while.


Yep same thing here, she better frkn knock my socks off! Otherwise marriage just isn't happening for me again, and I could really care less. I tried and failed miserably...next lol


----------



## familyfirst09

I don't think ever even spoken to a moderator on here. I guess that makes me kind of unique in this crowd!! 

I would love to get married again, but I'm with you AP, if he doesn't blow my mind, it's not worth the time or effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

FeministInPink said:


> My motto is this: I might never get married again. I'm perfectly happy with that. If I do get married again, he better be really damn special, because I had to go through hell to get my freedom, identity, and self-love back. I'm not going to tie myself down again for just anybody.
> 
> In other words, getting married is no longer my end goal.
> 
> He better make it worth my while.


I might make vows to someone again, but no way would I ever invite the government into my marriage.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> My wedding ring is sitting right in front of me under one of my monitors. I am looking at it right now. It's a reminder of how much I hate the biotch and how much I love being single now lol



Mine was on the window sill this whole 18mths but just recently traveled across the room and into that dark draw . 
l haven't decided what to do with it yet. 
What do you do with something representing 18yrs of your life that ended so badly , don't know !
Well 12 of those 18 anyway .


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> for some reason I just Deja Vu'd really hard looking at this comment Nsweet... have you posted that before?


Not exactly, but something close to it.


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Mine was on the window sill this whole 18mths but just recently traveled across the room and into that dark draw .
> l haven't decided what to do with it yet.
> What do you do with something representing 18yrs of your life that ended so badly , don't know !
> Well 12 of those 18 anyway .



My ex stole mine (engagement ring) and sold it. And I couldn't even charge him or recoup the money for it. But now I guess I'm glad it's gone. I don't envy being in a position where you don't know what to do with it and it's a constant reminder 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Funny, I had the exact same convo with a friend yesterday. We hadn't spoken in a while (we live in different states), ans so I asked him how he liked married life. (He got married last summer. We're obviously not super close, but we were pretty tight when we worked together.) He says, well it's not what I expected it would be. I say, how so? He replies, I thought if we got married, she'd stop feeling so lonely.
> 
> *facepalm*
> 
> I wanted to tell him, you don't get married in order to fix pre-existing probs! I guess he's learning that now.




And the cycle begins , hope you wished him good luck


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> My ex stole mine (engagement ring) and sold it. And I couldn't even charge him or recoup the money for it. But now I guess I'm glad it's gone. I don't envy being in a position where you don't know what to do with it and it's a constant reminder
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah be glad l say . l was going to throw it into the ocean but still undecided . If l regret it l can't get it back but then , l don't wanna look at it again either so .


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Yeah be glad l say . l was going to throw it into the ocean but still undecided . If l regret it l can't get it back but then , l don't wanna look at it again either so .



My biggest regret was not being able to charge him for theft. But long over with now. 

What about a safety deposit box?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Mine was on the window sill this whole 18mths but just recently traveled across the room and into that dark draw .
> l haven't decided what to do with it yet.
> What do you do with something representing 18yrs of your life that ended so badly , don't know !
> Well 12 of those 18 anyway .


Keep it as a reminder man!



familyfirst09 said:


> My ex stole mine (engagement ring) and sold it. And I couldn't even charge him or recoup the money for it. But now I guess I'm glad it's gone. I don't envy being in a position where you don't know what to do with it and it's a constant reminder
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My exGF a way long time ago in one of our on again off again times told me that you should never take jewelry back from women because even though it represents pain and stuff that women just view it differently then men...so I never asked for anything back, any of the jewelry I bought my wife even wedding and engagement set. I don't want that **** back it was only like $4000 after fitting and interest and stuff anyway. 



whitehawk said:


> Yeah be glad l say . l was going to throw it into the ocean but still undecided . If l regret it l can't get it back but then , l don't wanna look at it again either so.


My ring is a plain white gold band, in a monetary sense it might be worth $100. In a reminder of how ****ty **** can be it is an absolute priceless memento. I will keep it forever


----------



## familyfirst09

Yeah my ex never thought that way. It was about the money and he made some money from it. I had a crappy lawyer so he was able to get away from it. 

AP - I'm not that familiar with your back story but (don't take this the wrong way) you seem still very bitter about what happened. Care to share?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Yeah be glad l say . l was going to throw it into the ocean but still undecided . If l regret it l can't get it back but then , l don't wanna look at it again either so .


I let my ex keep mine. He reset the center stone and gave it to the [email protected] he remarried.


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok that's just gross and wrong!! What self-respecting woman would want that ring!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Yeah my ex never thought that way. It was about the money and he made some money from it. I had a crappy lawyer so he was able to get away from it.
> 
> AP - I'm not that familiar with your back story but (don't take this the wrong way) you seem still very bitter about what happened. Care to share?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well if my ex would have had a lot of jewelry I certainly would have claimed it as community property. Her wedding ring/band was worth just under $2k, I decided I wanted nothing to do with it, however if I was sure she wanted to keep it as a memento it could have saved me a grand in my equalization payment.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Whoever wasted the mods' time by complaining about me:
> 
> That was weak and petty and you should grow up.


And it wasn't me either, mister Dis  

It takes a lot to offend me and you have never even come close


----------



## familyfirst09

I have no jewelry, have never been a big fan. I have a necklace with a locket (which ex bought right after my daughter came alone and I still wear it) and my ring. That was it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I let my ex keep mine. He reset the center stone and gave it to the [email protected] he remarried.


wow and she accepted it?

I would never in a million years accept an engagement (wedding) ring If i knew it belonged to a previous ex wife!!


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I let my ex keep mine. He reset the center stone and gave it to the [email protected] he remarried.


Wow what a jacka$$
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> With how crazy expensive college is, even community college, I wouldn't dare hold school against someone. Interest rates on students loans and what not, people are up to their ears in student debt, I wouldn't blame someone for not wanting to touch that with a ten foot pole. It took me 17 years to go to college and only one year into it, I don't think the debt I will have by the end of it is worth it, not in the least.


And I'm in IT...not that it's stupid to go to college for that but it is. By the time 2nd semester rolls around everything you have learned previously will already be replaced by newer technology. IT certs are the way to go.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I let my ex keep mine. He reset the center stone and gave it to the [email protected] he remarried.


My gfs husband actually did this. Took the stone from his ex finances ring and reset it vs trading it in towards a brand new ring. Or maybe it was even the same exact ring. I can't remember, but, yeah.







familyfirst09 said:


> Ok that's just gross and wrong!! What self-respecting woman would want that ring!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> My gfs husband actually did this. Took the stone from his ex finances ring and reset it vs trading it in towards a brand new ring. Or maybe it was even the same exact ring. I can't remember, but, yeah.



What does your girlfriend think about that??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

She was extremely upset by it but shoved her wants/needs to the side for him. Like she always does. For everything he wants


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> She was extremely upset by it but shoved her wants/needs to the side for him. Like she always does. For everything he wants



Oh that's not good. No one, man or woman should put aside their own needs for another person (children excluded). Its a hard lesson to learn!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Oh that's not good. No one, man or woman should put aside their own needs for another person (children excluded). Its a hard lesson to learn!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes but she looks down on divorce even though he is emotionally abusive. She even looks down on me and thinks I'm "one of THOSE divorced people".

She has been a gf since 8th grade but I have cut her and her husband out for the most part due to the toxic nature of them and their relationship.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes but she looks down on divorce even though he is emotionally abusive. She even looks down on me and thinks I'm "one of THOSE divorced people".
> 
> She has been a gf since 8th grade but I have cut her and her husband out for the most part due to the toxic nature of them and their relationship.


That's good that you recognize toxic people. I have a very hard time doing that and by the time I realize they are toxic they have pretty much drained me or have made a fool of me. I hope to get better with my choices of both friends and men in the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Yeah my ex never thought that way. It was about the money and he made some money from it. I had a crappy lawyer so he was able to get away from it.
> 
> AP - I'm not that familiar with your back story but (don't take this the wrong way) you seem still very bitter about what happened. Care to share?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually pretty sure no one knows my story entirely. 

Hmmmm I guess the short version would be...
My exwife and I had a husband wife couple that were good friends. Our kids are best friends and everything. Well my exwife and other wife were really close, they talked and were together like all the time, like ALLL the time. My exwife even had helped deliver two of their babies. 
So anyway to shorten the story...you know that show a few years ago on HBO called Big Love about plural marriages? Or multiple wives stuff. Well lets just say my exwife and exwifes GF decided that would be awesome. Exwifes GF was preggo at the time and was sick of her husband wanting attention so pawned him off to my exwife, just for conversation company and stuff . Well of course it escalated and they got pregnant on purpose so his wife would have to allow my wife into their family, well when it actually happened he told my exwife to get an abortion...and ditched her.
Of course all the while here's me knowing something F'd up is going on but was in such a mindFck and couldn't put anything together being treated like dog**** and massively abused mentally/emotionally but still trying to be the good husband and father I was suppose to be.....
Anyway I gave up and divorced her, then found out about everything else a couple months after I filed.

Yes that's the short version lol


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Keep it as a reminder man!
> 
> 
> 
> My exGF a way long time ago in one of our on again off again times told me that you should never take jewelry back from women because even though it represents pain and stuff that women just view it differently then men...so I never asked for anything back, any of the jewelry I bought my wife even wedding and engagement set. I don't want that **** back it was only like $4000 after fitting and interest and stuff anyway.
> 
> 
> 
> My ring is a plain white gold band, in a monetary sense it might be worth $100. In a reminder of how ****ty **** can be it is an absolute priceless memento. I will keep it forever



So your keeping it , what even with the marriage being what it ended up being ?

Mine isn't worth much but it would last a 1,000 yrs , it's very thick and unusual .
l just can't decide so it's just sitting in that draw. l love this ring.
Hers was a thick chunky white gold thing we had made . lt's very plain with just one simple little diamond in the middle , one of the most beautiful rings l've ever seen.
l always wonder now where it is and what she's done with it . lt's not worth that much .
But seems l just got the divorce papers 4wks ago now, this damn rings been on my mind.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Actually pretty sure no one knows my story entirely.
> 
> Hmmmm I guess the short version would be...
> My exwife and I had a husband wife couple that were good friends. Our kids are best friends and everything. Well my exwife and other wife were really close, they talked and were together like all the time, like ALLL the time. My exwife even had helped deliver two of their babies.
> So anyway to shorten the story...you know that show a few years ago on HBO called Big Love about plural marriages? Or multiple wives stuff. Well lets just say my exwife and exwifes GF decided that would be awesome. Exwifes GF was preggo at the time and was sick of her husband wanting attention so pawned him off to my exwife, just for conversation company and stuff . Well of course it escalated and they got pregnant on purpose so his wife would have to allow my wife into their family, well when it actually happened he told my exwife to get an abortion...and ditched her.
> Of course all the while here's me knowing something F'd up is going on but was in such a mindFck and couldn't put anything together being treated like dog**** and massively abused mentally/emotionally but still trying to be the good husband and father I was suppose to be.....
> Anyway I gave up and divorced her, then found out about everything else a couple months after I filed.
> 
> Yes that's the short version lol


Ugh, I knew your ex had boundary issues but that is all messed up. Sorry you had to go through that AP but I'm glad for you that you are out of that mess (for the most part).


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Actually pretty sure no one knows my story entirely.
> 
> Hmmmm I guess the short version would be...
> My exwife and I had a husband wife couple that were good friends. Our kids are best friends and everything. Well my exwife and other wife were really close, they talked and were together like all the time, like ALLL the time. My exwife even had helped deliver two of their babies.
> So anyway to shorten the story...you know that show a few years ago on HBO called Big Love about plural marriages? Or multiple wives stuff. Well lets just say my exwife and exwifes GF decided that would be awesome. Exwifes GF was preggo at the time and was sick of her husband wanting attention so pawned him off to my exwife, just for conversation company and stuff . Well of course it escalated and they got pregnant on purpose so his wife would have to allow my wife into their family, well when it actually happened he told my exwife to get an abortion...and ditched her.
> Of course all the while here's me knowing something F'd up is going on but was in such a mindFck and couldn't put anything together being treated like dog**** and massively abused mentally/emotionally but still trying to be the good husband and father I was suppose to be.....
> Anyway I gave up and divorced her, then found out about everything else a couple months after I filed.
> 
> Yes that's the short version lol



All I can say is oh. My. Goodness. That is good you got away from all of that!! I doubt it's the "weirdest" story I've heard on tam but it's definitely up there!!

I don't know how long ago it happened but if you are still bitter then try to let it go. I suck at giving advice but I've been bitter for a long time and it did nothing for me. You seem like a good guy. Better days and more hot women ahead right!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l thought dis was mr popular , what happened dis ? You'll have to do a private group pm to us all , fill us in :scratchhead:


----------



## vi_bride04

AP your story now makes me understand why you are all over the place with women.

You need a break, man. It has only been a couple months since you put up boundaries for your ex. You still need to heal. Do you still communicate with her frequently OTHER than kid stuff?


----------



## muskrat

I am going to back track a little. I saw earlier today someone said they would never date someone who hasn't gone to college. I think she is selling herself short and maybe missing out on some great guys.
I myself did not go to college. I started my own business instead. I am very successful by the way. I did graduate in the top 10 of my class, national honor society, all advanced placement classes and was offered a full scholarship to a major university for engineering. I turned down the scholarship and started of on my own. I am sure there are plenty of other good guys like me that did not go to college.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> AP your story now makes me understand why you are all over the place with women.
> 
> You need a break, man. It has only been a couple months since you put up boundaries for your ex. You still need to heal. Do you still communicate with her frequently OTHER than kid stuff?


Not really anymore...I have bleacher and she has some dude so it's only a couple times per week we have to interact. It's been like 2yrs since we have actually been together and when the **** really started to get weird for me. 
I started my detachment process 2 Halloweens ago so I think I am not brand new to this whole process.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> AP your story now makes me understand why you are all over the place with women.
> 
> You need a break, man. It has only been a couple months since you put up boundaries for your ex. You still need to heal. Do you still communicate with her frequently OTHER than kid stuff?


See, and that's what I keep telling him. But all he does is complain and look for a way around not dating to keep chasing women. Ughh, it's like trying to tell an alcoholic to get treatment and stop sneaking beer into work. 

Maybe you can do a better job with him. He likes to pick apart my plans to do whatever he wants and inevitably keep hurting himself.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> See, and that's what I keep telling him. But all he does is complain and look for a way around not dating to keep chasing women. Ughh, it's like trying to tell an alcoholic to get treatment and stop sneaking beer into work.
> 
> Maybe you can do a better job with him. He likes to pick apart my plans to do whatever he wants and inevitably keep hurting himself.


Sigh... we have all tried...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Mwah! Love you guys! For the weird internet friendships that it is


----------



## familyfirst09

Just saw the pic of bleacher, she's cute!! You're pretty good lookin' too!! Now just lose that bitterness and you'll be all set!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Hahaha FF is relatively new to the thread and even senses your bitterness, AP


----------



## Disenchanted

whitehawk said:


> l thought dis was mr popular , what happened dis ? You'll have to do a private group pm to us all , fill us in :scratchhead:


I dunno, someone didn't like some stuff I posted. I'm not Mr. Popular, this is my home.


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> I am going to back track a little. I saw earlier today someone said they would never date someone who hasn't gone to college. I think she is selling herself short and maybe missing out on some great guys.
> I myself did not go to college. I started my own business instead. I am very successful by the way. I did graduate in the top 10 of my class, national honor society, all advanced placement classes and was offered a full scholarship to a major university for engineering. I turned down the scholarship and started of on my own. I am sure there are plenty of other good guys like me that did not go to college.




I agree, Muskrat. I think we do ourselves a disservice by saying "I will absolutely not date _________________" Fill in the blank.

Now is the time in your life to try new things---even if it isn't what you *think* you want. Go have a beer with someone. Go learn their story. Go make a connection. Try. Try new things. Have some fun.

This is not a time to make so many rules for ourselves.


----------



## jpr

Okay...and AP.

I am going to be brutally honest here...I just sneaked a peek of The Bleacher. ...with everything I have heard about her crazy behavior, and after seeing the photo--I just don't get it. 

...really.

What is the appeal?


----------



## hope4family

Disenchanted said:


> I dunno, someone didn't like some stuff I posted. I'm not Mr. Popular, this is my home.


Well look who just flew in and boy are his arms tired.


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> Just saw the pic of bleacher, she's cute!! You're pretty good lookin' too!! Now just lose that bitterness and you'll be all set!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hu , just took a look . She actually looks quite a bit like Pocket Rocket , bit younger but gee , very similar . 
Anyway she's a cutie , good luck with whatever you decide AP .


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> I dunno, someone didn't like some stuff I posted. I'm not Mr. Popular, this is my home.



Haha , pretty close to mine to brother.
l'm actually surprised l haven't been booted off being an expert foot in mouther .
Just one of my many talents :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

I hate to do this, but from what I read it is needed.
As the creator of this thread, there is no flagging permitted in this thread! If you do not like what some have to say kindly go read another thread. Thank you.


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah! And there needs to be more talk about sex and less whiny bullsh!t. 

How can I enjoy your sex lives by proxy if you guys aren't talking about sex all the time. You're killing my celibacy over here!


----------



## Disenchanted

Okay Nsweet here goes.

Was just sitting out on my deck, The frogs are going crazy around here. My daughter has some water tables (toys and an old fashioned brass sink) that she uses to grow frogs and salamanders and so forth in. Well anyway, there's been this female frog out there making all kinds of noise for a few days. We keep going out with flashlights and checking her out. She's primed to lay some eggs.

So tonight I hear her making her racket and then I hear another sound, A MALE FROG!

So this suave mother*cker comes up and does his thing. What an alpha. She lays her eggs and he bails, like a good man. And you know what heppens next? The b*tch keeps making her noises and ANOTHER male comes up and does his thing. What a hoar!

Women.


----------



## bandit.45

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Slvtty frogs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

That male bullfrog must have had a niner. He got her worked up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Amphibian wh*re.:rofl:

Reptiles are just as bad, only the males have two penises. They turn orange/red and their sex is more about biting and forcing the female down so they can get her from either side..... I kept huge green iguanas for years. 

Still not as weird as snails and that whole love dart thing filled with semen they push out like a tranq dart.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Okay...and AP.
> 
> I am going to be brutally honest here...I just sneaked a peek of The Bleacher. ...with everything I have heard about her crazy behavior, and after seeing the photo--I just don't get it.
> 
> ...really.
> 
> What is the appeal?


Awwww you say I could do better? Thank you very much, I don't know she touches my nerves the ones that need to be touched(not my penis). Its been a weird ride, and I don't know where it will take me but shes really cool. I really like her so.....


----------



## whitehawk

My last 6 wks of jumping back into that big fishing pond out there at after 18mths separation .

l joined a date site 6wks ago.
Got kicked in the head and treated like dirt for the first 2wks.
Then , a few emails started coming in from people saying hello and asking if l'd like to chat so hmm , maybe this stuffs not so bad after all.
Then l spot AF - we talk , call , nothing there for me and l leave it.
2 days later my divorce papers arrive which was very upsetting but at least my love life was looking up.

Meanwhile l got a hello from C , she's a real sweetheart , probably way to sweet for me and she's 7hrs away. But we call and chat for a few wks anyway, talk.

Meanwhile l spot T and l spot Pocket Rocket. 
l didn't hear back from PR but l wound up on the phone and emailing with T. ST is super cool, we hit it off straight away and talked for days basically, it became majorly intense but she'd also had a crazy ex and she was extremely paranoid . So two wks and we're still calling and emailing , which we called it our private little bubble.

Meanwhile , l get a few emails from AF a wk, l'm still talking to C every day and then l finally hear back from Pocket Rocket . PR and l also hit it off instantly and l began struggling out of T and PR , and feeling very guilty.

Meanwhile email chat with C every day , AF 2-3 x each wk , this intense thing going on with T but we hadn't actually met and now PR .
Next minute PR's turned up as we'd been talking a lot and l invited her down with her interest in antiques, to see some stuff stored at my place.

T is more intense than ever , C's just a little gorgeous , didn't know what to do with AF and PR and l end up having the best day at my place and that was blowing me away.

5 wks and l felt l just have to get some focus here , crazy about PR , this crazy intense thing with T , the others coming and going , gotta sort this out. l felt guilty with T , getting keen as on PR and seeing her. The rest weren't even in the same hemisphere so l had to stop those and l decided l just had to know PR .
AND , l eff up so big time with a realy close but young friend of mine because l was 1/2 drunk .

Well the rest weren't too bad , C was such a cutie though l really hated doing the deed.
T , in true T intensity , took two days , hrs on the phone, piles of emails , it really really hurt her and it effing messed me up too .and l'm still not sure and l miss the hell out of her.

But , there was PR now . Cute as , gutsy, great sense of humor , virtually impossible for us to actually get off the phone once we start talking .
So , l go spend the day with PR up in her town. Great day , gorgeous lady but guess what , l'm flat . The vibes, desire, everything, had left the building, l just didn't feel it .

So now l have an effd up friend thing going on , l've hurt T , l've hurt C , and l'm flat on PR . 
l go onto my site though , and there's no more chat , emails , T , nothin .
Until , this morning .
And , as regular as clockwork in comes a new email from AF .

The 6 wk full circle guys and a wake of mess behind me.

Then , 1/2 10am , l get a call from PR. l did text her last night to thank her for the great day but l didn't hear back so l figured she got my vibe and was snubbing me .
Here she is , happy as ever , 2hrs on the phone while - l was heading out finally to start work . 

And now ,,,,, oh fk is all l can say !

So there ya go if you made it to the bottom , careful what you wish for .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> My last 6 wks of jumping back into that big fishing pond out there at after 18mths separation .
> 
> l joined a date site 6wks ago.
> Got kicked in the head and treated like dirt for the first 2wks.
> Then , a few emails started coming in from people saying hello and asking if l'd like to chat so hmm , maybe this stuffs not so bad after all.
> Then l spot AF - we talk , call , nothing there for me and l leave it.
> 2 days later my divorce papers arrive which was very upsetting but at least my love life was looking up.
> 
> Meanwhile l got a hello from C , she's a real sweetheart , probably way to sweet for me and she's 7hrs away. But we call and chat for a few wks anyway, talk.
> 
> Meanwhile l spot T and l spot Pocket Rocket.
> l didn't hear back from PR but l wound up on the phone and emailing with T. ST is super cool, we hit it off straight away and talked for days basically, it became majorly intense but she'd also had a crazy ex and she was extremely paranoid . So two wks and we're still calling and emailing , which we called it our private little bubble.
> 
> Meanwhile , l get a few emails from AF a wk, l'm still talking to C every day and then l finally hear back from Pocket Rocket . PR and l also hit it off instantly and l began struggling out of T and PR , and feeling very guilty.
> 
> Meanwhile email chat with C every day , AF 2-3 x each wk , this intense thing going on with T but we hadn't actually met and now PR .
> Next minute PR's turned up as we'd been talking a lot and l invited her down with her interest in antiques, to see some stuff stored at my place.
> 
> T is more intense than ever , C's just a little gorgeous , didn't know what to do with AF and PR and l end up having the best day at my place and that was blowing me away.
> 
> 5 wks and l felt l just have to get some focus here , crazy about PR , this crazy intense thing with T , the others coming and going , gotta sort this out. l felt guilty with T , getting keen as on PR and seeing her. The rest weren't even in the same hemisphere so l had to stop those and l decided l just had to know PR .
> AND , l eff up so big time with a realy close but young friend of mine because l was 1/2 drunk .
> 
> Well the rest weren't too bad , C was such a cutie though l really hated doing the deed.
> T , in true T intensity , took two days , hrs on the phone, piles of emails , it really really hurt her and it effing messed me up too .and l'm still not sure and l miss the hell out of her.
> 
> But , there was PR now . Cute as , gutsy, great sense of humor , virtually impossible for us to actually get off the phone once we start talking .
> So , l go spend the day with PR up in her town. Great day , gorgeous lady but guess what , l'm flat . The vibes, desire, everything, had left the building, l just didn't feel it .
> 
> So now l have an effd up friend thing going on , l've hurt T , l've hurt C , and l'm flat on PR .
> l go onto my site though , and there's no more chat , emails , T , nothin .
> Until , this morning .
> And , as regular as clockwork in comes a new email from AF .
> 
> The 6 wk full circle guys and a wake of mess behind me.
> 
> Then , 1/10 , l get a call from PR. l did text her last night to thank her for the great day but l didn't hear back so l figured she got my vibe and was snubbing me .
> Here she is , happy as ever , 2hrs on the phone while - l was heading out finally to start work .
> 
> And now ,,,,, oh fk is all l can say !
> 
> So there ya go if you made it to the bottom , careful what you wish for .


WH buddy all I have to say is you got what you wished for lol :smthumbup:
Good luck with all those women man lol


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Awwww you say I could do better? Thank you very much, I don't know she touches my nerves the ones that need to be touched(not my penis). Its been a weird ride, and I don't know where it will take me but shes really cool. I really like her so.....


She's a bleach blonde with some touches of plastic srgery.... Freakin dime-a-dozen man.

Something about her eyes just says she's got a lot of crazy just waiting to come out. Like she's going to put on that picture perfect front and then try to cut your penis off in your sleep, or tie to to the bed and break your ankles like in Misery. 

Be honest man.... Are you chasing after hot booty? Because looks can be really deceiving, and there's a reason these hot moms in their 30s and 40s can't keep a relationship. If they weren't really f*cked with and cheated on by an ex husband, its probably because they're really crazy and they drive away all men after a while. And I don't count the women on this thread as being crazy... Because if they were they wouldn't be here, they would be on facebook working on creating a fake life and enticing their next victims or wrangling their orbiters. .


----------



## ne9907

Haha frog sex anecdote was hilarious!

I am afraid Ive gotten obsessive over 26 yo. I can't stop thinking about him!! 
He friendzoned me.... so obviously I want him bad.

I have some serious issues... I need JPR to analize this craziness! And to offer some brutal insight.

JPR, where are thou??


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Haha frog sex anecdote was hilarious!
> 
> I am afraid Ive gotten obsessive over 26 yo. I can't stop thinking about him!!
> He friendzoned me.... so obviously I want him bad.
> 
> I have some serious issues... I need JPR to analize this craziness! And to offer some brutal insight.
> 
> JPR, where are thou??


Stop! You had me at BRUTAL! 

JPR may not be here, shes ot an insomniac, but I am and I'm pretty good with helping people and offering really good insight. 

But you know girl, the best way to get over a guy.... It to get under another one, or a girl. Hey, Chef don't judge!:rofl:

Seriously though, what you're feeling now has a lot to do with the ego. This guy hurt more than your feelings by snubbing you without any sort of closure and you want him to get that closure and feed your ego though.... Most likely another romp in the bedroom and some really hot breakup sex. 

Unfortunately you're not going t get that and instead you're feeling a lot of compound confusion and left over feelings you pushed aside from your divorce. That's why this guy that doesn't really mater hurt you more than he would other wise. He ripped open wounds that had not yet healed.

How is that for counseling?


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah I took a look at Bleacher - beware the eyeliner dude, it tells you more about a person than you can imagine

NE, it's just an ego bruise. Why doesn't he want me? He likes me as a friend so why doesn't he want a piece of this hot ass? What the hell's wrong with him? Actually what's wrong with me? Etc. etc.

Don't sweat it, get stuck into someone else


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Yeah I took a look at Bleacher - beware the eyeliner dude, it tells you more about a person than you can imagine.


Did you see those three pink hoop earrings on the right side. Those are way worse than the eyeliner!

If a woman has like a bunch of earrings it's always a bad sign. Anymore than like 2 per ear and it's almost a guarantee she's crazy.


----------



## Dollystanford

Also the head c*cked to one side - that's the look she'll give you right before she cuts your penis off


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Also the head c*cked to one side - that's the look she'll give you right before she cuts your penis off


Yeah I didn't want to say it, but that's the look my ex wife gave in all her pics as if to say "Aren't I cute?". 

I bet yo anything this Bleacher chick has a facebook profile with lots of selfie do-over pics and no reoccurring real friends older than a few months and never really hanging out. 

Those two things are like the calling cards for online crazy chicks. For one because a profile filled with selfie pics is her way of creating her picture of perfection on her profile and spin doctoring it t make her look perfect. And they usually have like 4 or 5 pics of themselves taken at the same time with a bunch of different expressions. That's not cute, that's lonely. Second, if she's really really ridiculously crazy she's going to have a ton of "friends" and no real friends in any of her pics. Because anyone that knows her fr long enough to see through her image will not be able to stand being with her.

Oh, another good one. She's going to have lots and lots of male "fanboys" always flirting with her that are either her orbiters or her exes she can't seem to let go of. Chances are if she has these she's going to tell you lots of stories about her guys that are just designed by nature to make you jealous and make you want her.


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> I hate to do this, but from what I read it is needed.
> As the creator of this thread, there is no flagging permitted in this thread! If you do not like what some have to say kindly go read another thread. Thank you.


What is flagging?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> What is flagging?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's when you report someone using that little exclamation mark in the triangle, usually a flag on other sites, located under your screen name and avatar next to the little cloud with the sun behind it.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> It's when you report someone using that little exclamation mark in the triangle, usually a flag on other sites, located under your screen name and avatar next to the little cloud with the sun behind it.



Ahh..see I don't see any of those things being the blackberry queen lol. Regardless I've never "flagged" any post ever on tam. If I have an opinion I usually just state it or keep it to myself. I guess I'm the newbie on this thread so just feel the need to point that out 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Haha frog sex anecdote was hilarious!
> 
> I am afraid Ive gotten obsessive over 26 yo. I can't stop thinking about him!!
> He friendzoned me.... so obviously I want him bad.
> 
> I have some serious issues... I need JPR to analize this craziness! And to offer some brutal insight.
> 
> JPR, where are thou??


Ne, are you "lonely" IRL? I know this was my problem with one guy, I didn't want to let it go because I was lonely. Even after he did some stupid sh*t and I knew he was no where near the guy for me, I still hung on. Kinda that same mentality when we "chase" our exes after they cheat on us. Now I have since come to my senses and have had the "what the hell was I thinking?!?!" moment thankfully and am enjoying a "friendship" with someone . If you don't let go of the wrong one, the right one won't come along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Sorry AP but with all the neg' l had to sneak another look.
Just what you need hey, more opinions 

l think it's about behavior patterns with her, without those, personally l reckon bit harsh guys.

Now l'm going to login to my date site but l fear another email from AF is awaiting me


----------



## familyfirst09

The comment from nsweet about she must be "nuts" if she's got more than one set of earrings in. That was a hoot!! (and I assume a joke...hopefully).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Yeah...NE. Dolly and Nsweet are correct.


You are just obsessing because he friendzoned you, and yes...it is a blow to your ego. We all want to be wanted.

What helps me is this: Anytime a thought of the 26-year old pops in your head, just say to yourself "He is not an option"...and move on with your thoughts.

He is not an option. That's it. ...move on.


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> The comment from nsweet about she must be "nuts" if she's got more than one set of earrings in. That was a hoot!! (and I assume a joke...hopefully).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes and no. There is a limit to the number of piercings, just like there is for tattoos. And having lots of loops just makes you look like a Shanghaied hooker on board a pirate ship.


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> What helps me is this: Anytime a thought of the 26-year old pops in your head, just say to yourself "He is not an option"...and move on with your thoughts.
> 
> He is not an option. That's it. ...move on.


Yeah, like there's no any other 26yo men that can take his place?

What has 2 thumbs and is also 26? *THIS GUY!
*:smthumbup:

:rofl:


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Yes and no. There is a limit to the number of piercings, just like there is for tattoos. And having lots of loops just makes you look like a Shanghaied hooker on board a pirate ship.


But that's just your personal opinion. Some guys (and gals) like a lot of tattoos and earrings. 

For the record I rarely wear any earrings and only have one tattoo 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> But that's just your personal opinion. Some guys (and gals) like a lot of tattoos and earrings.
> 
> For the record I rarely wear any earrings and only have one tattoo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, that's what I know from a lot of personal experience and reading people in congruences... not just one thing as superficial as a few earrings. 

I grew up on an open market selling earrings and other jewelry with my mom, in an area where tattoos and scarification were pretty common. I know how to read tattoos and personality traits.

Obviously if you don't have lots of tattoos and piercings, then I'm not talking about you.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> No, that's what I know from a lot of personal experience and reading people in congruences... not just one thing as superficial as a few earrings.
> 
> I grew up on an open market selling earrings and other jewelry with my mom, in an area where tattoos and scarification were pretty common. I know how to read tattoos and personality traits.
> 
> Obviously if you don't have lots of tattoos and piercings, then I'm not talking about you.


Well I wasn't implying you were, lol, just seems like a very broad statement to make based on one picture that's all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

​


familyfirst09 said:


> Well I wasn't implying you were, lol, just seems like a very broad statement to make based on one picture that's all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When you decide to turn lesbian and date enough crazy chicks, if not marry one like that, you'll know what I'm talking about. You really have to to know the signs of a abusive crazy woman in order to see the red flags so easily. Only a few others here like Dolly and Unsure know what those signs look like.


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok then..Dolly and/or Unsure, can you explain to me what nsweet is talking about then? Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

See also: long hair shaved up one side, visible tattoos (face, neck, hands) or even worse, MEN'S NAMES, shaved off and re-pencilled in eyebrows, tongue piercings


----------



## familyfirst09

I dunno...I guess I don't judge people by their appearance. these things to me don't make for "crazy". Everyone has a unique personality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Gotta argue with the tongue piercings Dolly, simply because I have one. You know that... I got it for the ladies, and I kept for the speech problems it solved. But that not something you want to see people playing with. You stick it out of your mouth and you just look like a child. And you really do have to control your speech with it so you're not flashing it off.


----------



## Nsweet

I just thought of another one. White women getting corn rows or dread locks. Just ewww.


----------



## familyfirst09

So because you have one, it's no longer considered a "crazy" sign?? See, that is just a personal opinion and not fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> I just thought of another one. White women getting corn rows or dread locks. Just ewww.



Wow....just...wow...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Did you see those three pink hoop earrings on the right side. Those are way worse than the eyeliner!
> 
> If a woman has like a bunch of earrings it's always a bad sign. Anymore than like 2 per ear and it's almost a guarantee she's crazy.


Hey now!! I have over 30 pairs of earrings, they are to me like shoes are to some women....

But then I noticed you mentioned having more than 2 per ear...nope, only 2 holes in each ear but I only wear one pair at a time. 

Yay I'm not crazy! I just love earrings


----------



## Hoosier

Ok, how do I see the photo of bleacher?


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> So because you have one, it's no longer considered a "crazy" sign?? See, that is just a personal opinion and not fact.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No I'm still crazy. It's just that the drugs are working now.

What's with picking apart all my comments on here and subjecting them to harsh criticism. That's kinda rude.


----------



## Dollystanford

Slightly tongue in cheek FF09, I have a preference for men without hair but lots of women dig the luxurious locks look

I think it's more about women who have the unconventional look also having a tendency to an unconventional personality (not necessarily a bad one) and therefore not conforming to societal standards on what a woman should 'be'


----------



## Nsweet

Hoosier said:


> Ok, how do I see the photo of bleacher?


Friend request Another Planet and once accepted look at his private albums. She's the first pic in his new album.


----------



## Dollystanford

Also, working in mental health as I do I can recognise real crazy a mile off and it's all about a look in the eye


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> No I'm still crazy. It's just that the drugs are working now.
> 
> What's with picking apart all my comments on here and subjecting them to harsh criticism. That's kinda rude.


Drugs are good 

No that's not what I'm doing. I'm just trying to understand what you are saying. Some comments I simply don't agree with which is fine, I just like to understand other peeps opinions. How is that rude?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hoosier

Sorry to be a pest, been on here almost three years never friended anyone. (Except ing). Not sure how all this works. Went to Jellys profile no place to friend request her....why?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I think it's more about women who have the unconventional look also having a tendency to an unconventional personality (not necessarily a bad one) and therefore not conforming to societal standards on what a woman should 'be'


That's sort of what I was talking about. 

From my experience it's more like women who are in their 30s who dress like they're 16 and do a bunch of weird things with their body like you'd expect from a 16yo.... They are generally crazy as all hell.

See there's a difference between a single hardworking mom with some tattoos from her party days, who has a genuine good appearance about her even though she may have an odd taste in clothing still; and then there's a woman who just never seemed to grow up and keeps getting tattoos and piercings and doing things to attract negative attention who has kids at home she abandons every night to go partying. 

The big difference between the good and the not so good women I've seen is that the not so good, possibly personality disordered, women still act a lot like children and do things to get attention and act up.


----------



## Nsweet

Hoosier said:


> Sorry to be a pest, been on here almost three years never friended anyone. (Except ing). Not sure how all this works. Went to Jellys profile no place to friend request her....why?


Click on their name over to the left of their posts on here. That page will take yu to a screen where it asks you if you also want to send them a friend request. You say yes and you'll be redirected to your user cp(I believe). That's pretty much it. You have to wait for them to accept, but he should accept you.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> That's sort of what I was talking about.
> 
> From my experience it's more like women who are in their 30s who dress like they're 16 and do a bunch of weird things with their body like you'd expect from a 16yo.... They are generally crazy as all hell.
> 
> See there's a difference between a single hardworking mom with some tattoos from her party days, who has a genuine good appearance about her even though she may have an odd taste in clothing still; and then there's a woman who just never seemed to grow up and keeps getting tattoos and piercings and doing things to attract negative attention who has kids at home she abandons every night to go partying.
> 
> The big difference between the good and the not so good women I've seen is that the not so good, possibly personality disordered, women still act a lot like children and do things to get attention and act up.


Ok now that I agree with and understand! Thank you!! This makes perfect sense!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> Drugs are good
> 
> No that's not what I'm doing. I'm just trying to understand what you are saying. Some comments I simply don't agree with which is fine, I just like to understand other peeps opinions. How is that rude?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's pretty much what Dolly said. She works with crazies, I like with them and read a lot about PDs. You have to live and experience them in order to get the signs we're talking about. 

As easy as I can explain it, there is something behind the eyes and the way crazy people carry themselves... It's like a child in an adult's body and just this level of conceit and delusion that adult people don't have. I could sit here and explain everything about my BPD ex wife and her NPD sister and you would still need to seed it yourself over enough time for that shell to crack and for you to feel like you're going crazy being around them.


----------



## Nsweet

I could name a couple of ex TAM members like this who were childish attention seekers, and everyone would be agreeing. 

I'm not talking about the members here with PDs who work really hard on them and go to counseling, because those women are good people. And they do work really hard to not upset anyone.


----------



## familyfirst09

Dollystanford said:


> Slightly tongue in cheek FF09, I have a preference for men without hair but lots of women dig the luxurious locks look
> 
> I think it's more about women who have the unconventional look also having a tendency to an unconventional personality (not necessarily a bad one) and therefore not conforming to societal standards on what a woman should 'be'



I get this. How boring would it be if we all conformed to how we "should" be eh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Happy hump day!:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh my. This thread is moving hella fast. Hard to keep up.

Dis, who reported you and why? 



Another Planet said:


> (**** AP tries to feverishly figure out how to step out of the hot water)......
> 
> You are the one with the guy deemed old hat right and I swear you said multiple times you were looking for the 40 or + range. I just was not expecting you to be my age is all


Yes, that is me. Lol. Funny that you thought I was older. I have been going through an older man phase is all.  First time in my life. 



Lon;7704657ha said:


> *Yep she likes em old*, gives us men a big blast of hope that as we age we may attract beautiful young women sexually and not just for our gold!


Hehe. Old and nerdy! I always said that I wanted to date older some day and now I have the opportunity to cause I am single. Idk why all of a sudden I am all into older. Though I have never really been into younger. I tended to almost always date my own age range before.



Nsweet said:


> You guys can keep your Jellybeans, she's a little to much like my family for me.


Neato. You are like my little bro, too, Nsweet.  



Lon said:


> amongst all of JB's qualities, one nice thing about her is that she also may come bundled with Unsure. I would l like to see Dolly try one-upping that


:rofl: Unsure and I are a two-fer. 



Nsweet said:


> Dolly is like a friend of the family *you always called Auntie, and now that you're grown up you have those weird feelings about*.:rofl: Never gonna happen, but she's hot.


:lol:



Nsweet said:


> *<= This guy*
> 
> Tells women he will never get married again.....
> 
> 
> Secretly doesn't mean it.


Hehe.

<---- This chick tells men she will never get married again

And means it.




Lon said:


> I might make vows to someone again, but no way would I ever invite the government into my marriage.


Word. I agree. 

Hoosier, maybe you didn't get through because of privacy settings. I have been having a flurry of newbies trying to friend me lately which is creeping me out so I believe I changed some of my settings. I think it's really bizarre when someone so new to the board tries friending so fast. It's weird to me (not meaning you, of course, but new folks in general). There has been an influx of trolling on TAM lately so I am being cautious.

Wow, AnotherPlanet, the story with your ex-wife is nuts!!! CRAZY! It's very Lifetime movie. Eek. 

My saga continues. Last night I hear "buzz" and it's my phone alerting me to a text from Social Media Guy. He said how "OMG" he was so busy that if I tried to contact him to meet up for dinner this week, he wouldn't answer. 

Um, what the fvck? So I did not respond and later I posted on social media a song lyric about love and he emailed me saying "Your last post is so tempting."

No response again.

I am not changing my # just because of him but at this point I guess I am just gonna have to do no contact. I had not been responding to him for weeks before he sent the love letter and evenstill didn't respond to him til over a week later when I finally did telling him, for the second time I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU. And he wrote back "I understand." I guess he doesn't understand!


----------



## Disenchanted

Visible tattoos and piercings anywhere other then ears = not eligible to date me.

Just sayin'.

And I know some super hot white chicks with dreads. Would be fun but not LTR material.

I'm attracted to someone who takes pride in their looks, not someone who tries to look like something they aren't.


----------



## Dollystanford

Jelly, he's a disrespectful tw*t and he's dressing it up as something else. No contact, not ever. Not even to tell his sorry arse to f*ck off


----------



## Another Planet

Woah...lots happened last night here...
She's got 3 piercings per ear. I really don't know how you can judge someone by that but OK. One of my good buddies owns a tattoo shop here, its upscale and very adult friendly. I don't see moderate body art being a sign of crazy...yeah if you get a frickin tattoo across your forehead or plugs and even plugs now are pretty normal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Dis, who reported you and why?


I dunno who it was, and I dunno why they did. I think it was from this thread but maybe could have been another one. Anyway it's no biggie, I didn't break any forum rules. I just don't need someone holding some grudge against me and not willing to talk to me about it.




Jellybeans said:


> I am not changing my # just because of him but at this point I guess I am just gonna have to do no contact.


If you use an iPhone you can just block his number, DO IT! If you don't use an iPhone most carriers give you a way to block a number. It makes no contact a lot easier


----------



## Hoosier

So I am figuring out how this works (about time) and I have posted some photos in an album... can you see them?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Visible tattoos and piercings anywhere other then ears = not eligible to date me.
> 
> Just sayin'.
> 
> And I know some super hot white chicks with dreads. Would be fun but not LTR material.
> 
> I'm attracted to someone who takes pride in their looks, not someone who tries to look like something they aren't.


I don't like tats or piercings either bro. Big turnoff. I like a woman who takes pride in the skin God gave her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Hoosier said:


> So I am figuring out how this works (about time) and I have posted some photos in an album... can you see them?


Yes although you might want to make them private so only friends can see, otherwise they are publicly available


----------



## Hoosier

I will do that...although nothing there to really hide. Except maybe someone I know figuring it out who I am, but heck my life is an open book anyway.


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know guys...honestly I have been so detached from that way of thinking for so long and surround myself with such a diverse group of people I know for a fact you can't judge a book by its cover. Kind of sucks you guys are so uptight about stuff like this. Its the reason you do things that puts the meaning behind something not the something that puts reason behind you...:/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Well then meet up with her already and find out what she's about!!! 

Everyone making comments about her could be right. But you don't even know b/c you have never met in person.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> I don't know guys...honestly I have been so detached from that way of thinking for so long and surround myself with such a diverse group of people I know for a fact you can't judge a book by its cover. Kind of sucks you guys are so uptight about stuff like this. Its the reason you do things that puts the meaning behind something not the something that puts reason behind you...:/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Whole heartedly agree with your last statement. 
I just have one small tattoo, just got it very recently. Its a tattoo that means a lot to me and is visible unless I cover it up. If someone changes their opinion of me because of it, meh, who cares.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Ummmmm....

I am judging her by her actions.

I was just surprised that she wasnt super hot ....I thought that you were putting up with the flakiness because she was smokin'.


....but, yes. I agree with Dolly. Not a,fan of caked on black eyeliner in general. I wish more women realized that they looked so much better without that black crud lining the rim of their eyeballs.


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> I don't know guys...honestly I have been so detached from that way of thinking for so long and surround myself with such a diverse group of people I know for a fact you can't judge a book by its cover. Kind of sucks you guys are so uptight about stuff like this. Its the reason you do things that puts the meaning behind something not the something that puts reason behind you...:/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't like *ANY* indication of low self esteem. Chicks with low self esteem cheat.


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> Ummmmm....
> 
> I am judging her by her actions.
> 
> I was just surprised that she wasnt super hot ....I thought that you were putting up with the flakiness because she was smokin'.
> 
> 
> ....but, yes. I agree with Dolly. Not a,fan of caked on black eyeliner in general.* I wish more women realized that they looked so much better without that black crud lining the rim of their eyeballs.*


Not a fan of alot of makeup either. All my gf's that wear it heavily had some major craziness. 

MAJOR. CRAZINESS. 

I actually don't wear any makeup. Maybe eye stuff once in awhile if its a special occasion but thats it. Even my profile pic on TAM is me, no makeup. I didn't wear it on my date Sat either. 

Are some guys turned off by women who don't wear any makeup?


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Are some guys turned off by women who don't wear any makeup?


Natural is my favorite look, but I also like a girl who can dress up real nice, do some makeup and hair for good arm candy.

It's all about me, I gotta look good, and having something pretty on my arm helps .


----------



## Another Planet

Why is a tattoo or piercing an indication of low self esteem? But I do agree with the low self esteem cheating but its also not all the time...
Its like you guys can judge a person by the type of dog they have. I know we have to be judgemental to not get hurt and to find the right person but there isnt some cookie cutter out there creating her for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Why is a tattoo or piercing an indication of low self esteem? But I do agree with the low self esteem cheating but its also not all the time...
> Its like you guys can judge a person by the type of dog they have. I know we have to be judgemental to not get hurt and to find the right person but there isnt some cookie cutter out there creating her for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been with lots of women with tattoos and piercings, and lots of women without.

Experience counts.

Shiny things on the outside are an attempt to make up for a lack of shiny things on the inside, IMO.

This chick would be drop dead gorgeous if not for the abomination that she's made of her face. She's very messed up IMO:


----------



## unsure78

Morning Everybody!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Well then meet up with her already and find out what she's about!!!


It's like they both have an aversion to meeting up. It is so weird.



jpr said:


> Ummmmm....
> 
> I am judging her by her actions.


Yeah it's weird. Like Twilight Zone weird. Or you are the OM, AP. Or something else. Something is of about the entire situation.

I like makeup but a natural looking makeup.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I'm usually too busy checking out her a$$ to notice her makeup....


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> Jelly, he's a disrespectful tw*t and he's dressing it up as something else. No contact, not ever. Not even to tell his sorry arse to f*ck off


I agree. It is direspectful that he does not respect my boundaries. Especially after saying he understood. 



Disenchanted said:


> I dunno who it was, and I dunno why they did. I think it was from this thread but maybe could have been another one. Anyway it's no biggie, I didn't break any forum rules. I just don't need someone holding some grudge against me and not willing to talk to me about it.


I hear ya. I mean I have never seen you to be offensive on here at all.

And I agree with Dis about insecure people--they are a turn off when it's all they are about. In the case of Bleacher, her "You may not like you if you meet me" and/or the whole "let's meet. wait, no let's no meet I can't.." then texting you later drunk... yeah. No.


----------



## Dollystanford

I have three tattoos and more self-esteem than everyone on this thread put together


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I hear ya. I mean I have never seen you to be offensive on here at all.


Well I guess I'm not trying hard enough then.

Hey JB, ya wanna come over and watch some porn on my new 60" flat screen mirror?

Offend yet?


----------



## Lon

We can't judge a entire book by its cover. However what is on the cover is what the publisher choose to put there to attract a certain audience. I can almost always tell what the book is generally about with one glance, as can most readers, and in those cases where the book cover is wrong it usually has to be corrected before attracting the intended audience.

My ex was insecure, and got more so by the end of the marriage. She also started making lots of changes to her appearance, purple/pink hair, the shaved undercut, dreads (well no, actually the tight braids) new piercings in her nose and ears, more slvtty clothes. Her young 20 something friends were trying to talk her into getting tats. That's where we parted ways (not because I was uncomfortable with her appearance though, just because she chose the attention of other guys instead.)


----------



## Disenchanted

Dollystanford said:


> I have three tattoos and more self-esteem than everyone on this thread put together


straight out


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh no I work at board level, I could never look like that. Tattoos all coverable, dresses and skirts and heels only


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Morning Everybody!!!!!!!!!!!


Happy hump day Unsure!


----------



## familyfirst09

Everyone (imo) on tam has had low self esteem when they showed up here, depending on why they came here. Self esteem goes up and down. Mine was crap for a long time and I still struggle. But I know I'm a catch for someone and know and love my good qualities and abilities 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Everyone (imo) on tam has had low self esteem when they showed up here, depending on why they came here. Self esteem goes up and down. Mine was crap for a long time and I still struggle. But I know I'm a catch for someone and know and love my good qualities and abilities
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right on! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Happy hump day Unsure!


heheheh I plan to be humping this weekend.... Yea! im getting some again!

Sex Please!


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> heheheh I plan to be humping this weekend.... Yea! im getting some again!


pics?


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> pics?


Pics or it didn't happen!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Pics or it didn't happen!


With the bacon.


----------



## ne9907

I love how fast this thread moves!

Yes, i want some sex too! sign me up!


----------



## vi_bride04

I got a tat on my sternum when I was 18 and had low self esteem at the time. 

Posted a pic in my album for everyone to go take a look - I love the tat, don't regret it. Give me your honest opinion of what kind of book I look like


----------



## Disenchanted

I can't see the tat, something keeps distracting me


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> With the bacon.


OMG Lon... im going to try take a pic of that just for you.. me next to the bacon sign...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> heheheh I plan to be humping this weekend.... Yea! im getting some again!
> 
> Sex Please!


Lucky. I feel like you've gotten way more in the last six months than I have in the past two years. 

I really hope I have sex this year, guys. It's really pitiful.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I got a tat on my sternum when I was 18 and had low self esteem at the time.
> 
> Posted a pic in my album for everyone to go take a look - I love the tat, don't regret it. Give me your honest opinion of what kind of book I look like


Uhhh i see bobbies...hehehehehehehehehe

You have a sweet rack VI!


----------



## Hoosier

Ok, would you mind looking at my album I just posted. Give me some feed back.... like how cute my granddaughter is....lol


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Lucky. I feel like you've gotten way more in the last six months than I have in the past two years.
> 
> I really hope I have sex this year, guys. It's really pitiful.


Get out there Jelly! Go date a ton of guys... you will find one you like (enough) eventually...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Uhhh i see bobbies...hehehehehehehehehe


Right?! That's all I see. 

Your bewbs are kewl. LOL.

LOVE your profile pic, Vi.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Right?! That's all I see.
> 
> Your bewbs are kewl. LOL.
> 
> LOVE your profile pic, Vi.


OMG the women here on the singles thread (myself included) are worse than the guys I swear...


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. We are just fun!


----------



## familyfirst09

Oh geez now I gotta go check out your rack Vi 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> I got a tat on my sternum when I was 18 and had low self esteem at the time.
> 
> Posted a pic in my album for everyone to go take a look - I love the tat, don't regret it. Give me your honest opinion of what kind of book I look like


I can't look at your pic, it is NSFW


----------



## vi_bride04

Yes, that was the point of the tat....

Talk about low self esteem when I got it, huh?

One thing I do hate about it though, is I really can't wear necklaces anymore going out as it just clashes with it. And I love jewelry. My renfest piece sort of frames it which is ok, but still looks a little cluttered, IMO.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Get out there Jelly! Go date a ton of guys... you will find one you like (enough) eventually...


Yeah it's just I don't seem to be having that great of luck lately. I either get stalkers or dudes who disappear on me after some really fun times out. 

I have considered dating a woman but they talk too much. 

LOL. 

Plus, you are my only. You know?


----------



## ne9907

Vi is hot!!! thanks for add!

My mission this weekend is to have sex with someone.

I am talking to yet someone else from Tinder but it is just not fun.

No more thoughts of the 26 yo!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> OMG the women here on the singles thread (myself included) are worse than the guys I swear...


It's cause most guys here cept for nsweet know when to nod and smile. Not because you ladies are naughtier.


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> My saga continues. Last night I hear "buzz" and it's my phone alerting me to a text from Social Media Guy. He said how "OMG" he was so busy that if I tried to contact him to meet up for dinner this week, he wouldn't answer.
> 
> Um, what the fvck? So I did not respond and later I posted on social media a song lyric about love and he emailed me saying "Your last post is so tempting."
> 
> No response again.
> 
> I am not changing my # just because of him but at this point I guess I am just gonna have to do no contact. I had not been responding to him for weeks before he sent the love letter and evenstill didn't respond to him til over a week later when I finally did telling him, for the second time I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU. And he wrote back "I understand." I guess he doesn't understand!


The fact that he can follow you on social media and apparently feels like he's conversing with you about what he sees is more than a little creepy, JB. It is clearly not going to be enough to just not reply to his constant contact because he seems to feel like you ARE communicating with him through social media. That whole thing about dinner too--much more familiar than your relationship warrants. It reads like a conversation I'd have with my boyfriend about our schedules for the week. 

Have you done any reading on stalkers? I can't recommend The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker enough. Park Dietz has done some good stuff too in that area.

I get that as a woman, we tend to put a higher value on being perceived as "nice" and definitely not "mean", but this is a guy whose attempts at contact are escalating. He needs to be blocked from your profiles, blocked from your phone and if it were me, I'd set up rules on my email to have his emails go straight to a folder where they can be saved (evidence) and read at your convenience, if at all.

Here's a few of the suggestions by Dietz and deBecker about how to deal with stalking--obviously most don't apply to the stage that Social Media Guy seems to be operating at, but it's worth a little consideration, I think. From what you've posted, I'm concerned for you about this situation



> Dr. Park Dietz, a psychiatric consultant to the FBI and head of California's Threat Assessment Group, notes that an expressed desire for contact is more likely to lead to real contact. He notes that a stalker who threatens someone using specific dates or spells out a method of approach is more likely to carry out his threat than if the stalker left things vague. An enduring correspondence filled with threats was also something to take seriously, yet all predictions are based on probability, and a single threatening call or note is not to be ruled out.
> 
> It's difficult to protect yourself against a stalker, since the most casual encounter on the street may trigger the aggressor. It may be something you wear or the color of your hair, or just the fact that you were in a specific place on a specific date. One stalker told a woman that the fact that she was in the same bookstore as him on the anniversary of a European battle that captured his fancy meant that God had ordained their entwined destiny.
> 
> If a stalker comes into your life, there are certain safety precautions to take:
> 
> Do not personally respond to the stalker's attention, not even to tell him (or her) to get lost. (People erroneously believe that a rational conversation will dissuade such people.)
> Beef up your home security and in the event of a threatening letter or call, alert your local police so they have it on record. (The local police will often give a free home security consultation.)
> Remove landscaping behind which someone can hide or keep surveillance.
> Keep detailed documentation of all actual contacts.
> If others witnessed an encounter, talk to them about testifying in court.
> Learn self-protection techniques, such as pepper sprays and self-defense skills.
> Keep a cell phone and an emergency number with you, and tell family and friends about any threat.
> Keep a pen and paper in your car to write down license numbers of cars following you.
> Alternate your routes.
> �Research the legal remedies available in your state.
> �If letters or calls persist, have an attorney send a registered cease-and-desist letter.
> Keep travel plans to a trusted few.
> In the event of actual trespass, get a restraining order.
> Inform security staff where you work about the problem.
> If you know what the stalker drives, give the description to friends and family.
> Keep a camera handy for photographic documentation.
> If you can afford it, install a surveillance camera.
> Install activity lights around your house that light up at night when someone walks close.
> Don't accept unexpected packages
> Identify people before opening a door.
> Seek therapy if you experience the symptoms of extreme anxiety.
> Avoid blaming yourself for the situation.
> Refrain from retaliation or counter-threats; the stalker is seeking {any} form of contact.
> Be sure that someone knows where you are going and when you are coming home.
> Try to go places with a friend or associate, especially health clubs and parking lots.
> Don't let the stalker rule your life.
> Prepare a safety kit with overnight items in the event you feel you need to leave your home and go to a hotel.
> Use caller ID and possibly get a second line with an unlisted number; then use the line on which he calls to record his harassment without him realizing that you're not using that phone.
> If it works for you, get a dog with a protective temperament.
> If you don't want to or know how to use a gun, assess your living space for possible defensive weapons and have them ready.
> Locate support groups, threat management groups, or hotlines that can offer specific strategies.
> Use a gender-neutral and non-provocative email address.
> Don't give out your Internet password and change it regularly.
> Use a chat network where harassment is not permitted.
> For Internet chats, use a different screen name than your email address.
> Don't give a lot of personal details to strangers.
> Be aware that stalkers can employ others to get information about you.


.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Vi is hot!!! thanks for add!
> 
> My mission this weekend is to have sex with someone.
> 
> I am talking to yet someone else from Tinder but it is just not fun.
> 
> No more thoughts of the 26 yo!


Hey ne I need to ask you one question before I get your number.....


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah it's just I don't seem to be having that great of luck lately. I either get stalkers or dudes who disappear on me after some really fun times out.
> 
> I have considered dating a woman but they talk too much.
> 
> LOL.
> 
> Plus, you are my only. You know?


xoxoxoxoxo Jelly... Im a one woman kind of girl too..

Yea social media guy is creepy...i do think you may want to give the online dating a real go... it does take a bit of time, but there are good people on it


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Hey ne I need to ask you one question before I get your number.....


spoon........ahahahahahahahahahahahah


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I got a tat on my sternum when I was 18 and had low self esteem at the time.
> 
> Posted a pic in my album for everyone to go take a look - I love the tat, don't regret it. Give me your honest opinion of what kind of book I look like


I like it!  Small and simple...I dont like those huge chest pieces that women are getting lately!


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> It's cause most guys here cept for nsweet know when to nod and smile. Not because you ladies are naughtier.


LOL :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Hey ne I need to ask you one question before I get your number.....


Hm, who is saying you will get my number?


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Hm, who is saying you will get my number?


You don't play this game very well.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> You don't play this game very well.


And that is why I havent gotten laid in a million years!


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> The fact that he can follow you on social media and apparently feels like he's conversing with you about what he sees is more than a little creepy, JB. It is clearly not going to be enough to just not reply to his constant contact because he seems to feel like you ARE communicating with him through social media. That whole thing about dinner too--much more familiar than your relationship warrants. It reads like a conversation I'd have with my boyfriend about our schedules for the week.
> 
> Have you done any reading on stalkers? I can't recommend The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker enough. Park Dietz has done some good stuff too in that area.
> 
> I get that as a woman, we tend to put a higher value on being perceived as "nice" and definitely not "mean", but this is a guy whose attempts at contact are escalating.
> From what you've posted, I'm concerned for you about this situation


Thanks for the post and the list of things. I honestly do not want to think of him in that light because then I am going to start getting creeped out if I do.  Right now I see him as more annoying than anything else. I am going to look into that book. I have seen stuff about stalkers before but on television.



unsure78 said:


> xoxoxoxoxo Jelly... Im a one woman kind of girl too..
> 
> Yea social media guy is creepy...i do think you may want to give the online dating a real go... it does take a bit of time, but there are good people on it


Well I did try that one dating app for four days before I deleted it. I never responded to any of the dudes. Haha. Baby steps. Online dating seems so odd to me. I prefer to meet people in real life/organically but hey maybe some day I will try it.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> And that is why I havent gotten laid in a million years!


Hey NE I got one question for you before I get your number.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> You don't play this game very well.


LOL I do though


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> LOL I do though


Unsure are you a Koala?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Hm, who is saying you will get my number?


LOL I would love to see a really good psychologist come in here and do profiles on all of us...I think some of us would be very surprised


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Unsure are you a Koala?


ohh ive never heard this one....

No....

Make me laugh DIS....


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> ohh ive never heard this one....
> 
> No....


Oh that's too bad, cause it's looks like you are fully Koala-fied to (insert slimeball sh!t here)


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> LOL I would love to see a really good psychologist come in here and do profiles on all of us...I think some of us would be very surprised


Sweetheart Ive been going to therapy for like 2+ years on and off...

I know what kinda crazy I am


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Hey NE I got one question for you before I get your number.


haha
was that a joke!!??

See? My guard is so up all the time, I need to relax and go with the flow~


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> LOL I would love to see a really good psychologist come in here and do profiles on all of us...I think some of us would be very surprised


Hehe.

Ok, I'll start us off... Feel free to add to this list with your own ideas and also list more Singles of TAMers. Hahaha.

Jelly: Needs to get laid before she goes mad
Ne: Needs to stop wearing her wedding ring on keychain and sleep with a young man in order to begin healing process.
AP: needs to finally go out with Bleacher. Using putting off dates as a defense mechanism.
Unsure: Does dating the best
Nsweet: longs for a relationship with Dolly because has a secret fetish of an older woman ruling his world


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> haha
> was that a joke!!??
> 
> See? My guard is so up all the time, I need to relax and go with the flow~


Hey NE I got one question for you before I get your number.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Oh that's too bad, cause it's looks like you are fully Koala-fied to (insert slimeball sh!t here)


hahahahah...love it

good job... you made me laugh


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet wants to be chewed up and spat out again


----------



## Dollystanford

But in a good way


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe.
> 
> Ok, I'll start us off... Feel free to add to this list with your own ideas and also list more Singles of TAMers. Hahaha.
> 
> Jelly: Needs to get laid before she goes mad
> *Ne: Needs to stop wearing her wedding ring on keychain and sleep with a young man in order to begin healing process.*
> AP: needs to finally go out with Bleacher. Using putting off dates as a defense mechanism.
> Unsure: Does dating the best
> Nsweet: longs for a relationship with Dolly because has a secret fetish of an older woman ruling his world


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Hey NE I got one question for you before I get your number.


Whats the question?


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Whats the question?


What's your number?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe.
> 
> Ok, I'll start us off... Feel free to add to this list with your own ideas and also list more Singles of TAMers. Hahaha.
> 
> Jelly: Needs to get laid before she goes mad
> Ne: Needs to stop wearing her wedding ring on keychain and sleep with a young man in order to begin healing process.
> AP: needs to finally go out with Bleacher. Using putting off dates as a defense mechanism.
> Unsure: Does dating the best
> Nsweet: longs for a relationship with Dolly because has a secret fetish of an older woman ruling his world


LOL omg right on!


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> But in a good way


Im not sure about that. He does hang a kettle bell from his wang


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks for the post and the list of things. I honestly do not want to think of him in that light because then I am going to start getting creeped out if I do.  Right now I see him as more annoying than anything else. I am going to look into that book. I have seen stuff about stalkers before but on television.


Honestly, I think that just about everyone, but particularly every woman should read The Gift of Fear. It's a really great book mainly about trusting that gut instinct and reinforcing that it's okay to act to keep yourself safe and secure.

And maybe it's time to get a little creeped out, because apparently the conversations you're having with this guy aren't the same as the conversations he's having with you. I don't remember if you posted what he was specifically saying earlier on, but it sounds to me like the tone of his communication is changing. Could it be nothing? Sure. But what if it isn't? Plus it's been going on a long time, despite being told clearly and directly that his attention is not welcome.

At the very least, I would encourage you to block him from being able to follow you on social media, including through other people's profiles.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> What's your number?


haha
that is cute, I was apprehensive about the question.

I silently laughed out loud because I am at work


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> haha
> that is cute, I was apprehensive about the question.
> 
> I silently laughed out loud because I am at work


If you were a skittle you'd be a red one.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Honestly, I think that just about everyone, but particularly every woman should read The Gift of Fear. It's a really great book mainly about trusting that gut instinct and reinforcing that it's okay to act to keep yourself safe and secure.
> 
> And maybe it's time to get a little creeped out, because apparently the conversations you're having with this guy aren't the same as the conversations he's having with you. I don't remember if you posted what he was specifically saying earlier on, but it sounds to me like the tone of his communication is changing. Could it be nothing? Sure. But what if it isn't? Plus it's been going on a long time, despite being told clearly and directly that his attention is not welcome.


Well in the beginning, he wasn't as in my face. When we went on first date, I felt like I got a little distant/trying to be cool vibe from him so all of this is totally different. 

The tone has changed in that he seems presumptuous. ike one time he said "Dinner today or tomorrow?" and I was like, "Neither." Cause I'd already told him I didn't want to date. In the love letter he said how he knew it wasn't "normal" when he saw me :scratchhead: and then the recent message he sent said how he may not respond to me if I want to go out for dinner w/ him because he's so busy. I have made zero mention of dinner w/ him, in fact I told him I don't want to date him. Again.

I will def look into that book. Always good to read up on stuff.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> If you were a skittle you'd be a red one.


Another cute one! haha

Have you been getting these from your kids? They are just so adorable!! lol


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Another cute one! haha
> 
> Have you been getting these from your kids? They are just so adorable!! lol


OMG girl you need to brush up!

NE says "why a red one?"

Dis says "cause they're my favorite".

I'm a really creative guy but I can't do this WHOLE thing alone, lol.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well in the beginning, he wasn't as in my face. When we went on first date, I felt like I got a little distant/trying to be cool vibe from him so all of this is totally different.
> 
> The tone has changed in that he seems presumptuous. ike one time he said "Dinner today or tomorrow?" and I was like, "Neither." Cause I'd already told him I didn't want to date. In the love letter he said how he knew it wasn't "normal" when he saw me :scratchhead: and then the recent message he sent said how he may not respond to me if I want to go out for dinner w/ him because he's so busy. I have made zero mention of dinner w/ him, in fact I told him I don't want to date him. Again.
> 
> I will def look into that book. Always good to read up on stuff.


save all the communication you get from him.
Sounds creepy, maybe a restraining order will be needed in the future.


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> save all the communication you get from him.
> Sounds creepy, maybe a restraining order will be needed in the future.




My stalker dude was like this. After I told him no thanks and don't contact me again he was like "I'll see you soon, call me later". Yeah. No. 

Unfortunately I still have to see him once in a while cause he goes to my gym but I just stay clear away. Be careful, he sounds like a mental case for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> OMG
> 
> I'm a really creative girl guy but I can't do this WHOLE thing alone, lol.



That is what she said...


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Lucky. I feel like you've gotten way more in the last six months than I have in the past two years.
> 
> I really hope I have sex this year, guys. It's really pitiful.


Hey Jellybeans you remind me of my big toe.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> OMG girl you need to brush up!
> 
> NE says "why a red one?"
> 
> Dis says "cause they're my favorite".
> 
> I'm a really creative guy but I can't do this WHOLE thing alone, lol.


Dis I 'm going to steal that one...I suck at pickup lines...I'll probably fck that one up lol


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Well in the beginning, he wasn't as in my face. When we went on first date, I felt like I got a little distant/trying to be cool vibe from him so all of this is totally different.
> 
> The tone has changed in that he seems presumptuous. ike one time he said "Dinner today or tomorrow?" and I was like, "Neither." Cause I'd already told him I didn't want to date. In the love letter he said how he knew it wasn't "normal" when he saw me :scratchhead: and then the recent message he sent said how he may not respond to me if I want to go out for dinner w/ him because he's so busy. I have made zero mention of dinner w/ him, in fact I told him I don't want to date him. Again.
> 
> I will def look into that book. Always good to read up on stuff.


I'm also guessing that you aren't sending him messages by posting song lyrics on FB, but he doesn't seem to see it that way.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Well in the beginning, he wasn't as in my face. When we went on first date, I felt like I got a little distant/trying to be cool vibe from him so all of this is totally different.
> 
> The tone has changed in that he seems presumptuous. ike one time he said "Dinner today or tomorrow?" and I was like, "Neither." Cause I'd already told him I didn't want to date. In the love letter he said how he knew it wasn't "normal" when he saw me :scratchhead: and then the recent message he sent said how he may not respond to me if I want to go out for dinner w/ him because he's so busy. I have made zero mention of dinner w/ him, in fact I told him I don't want to date him. Again.
> 
> I will def look into that book. Always good to read up on stuff.


Jelly, this is really odd behavior. I know you are cautious and you say he does not know where you live, work, etc. but I say be extra vigilant. Just be careful.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> save all the communication you get from him.
> Sounds creepy, maybe a restraining order will be needed in the future.


 



familyfirst09 said:


> My stalker dude was like this. After I told him no thanks and don't contact me again he was like "I'll see you soon, call me later". Yeah. No.


Oh gosh. Spunds like this guy. That is AWFUL you have to see that guy at the gym, Family! 



COGypsy said:


> I'm also guessing that you aren't sending him messages by posting song lyrics on FB, but he doesn't seem to see it that way.


True.



Disenchanted said:


> Hey Jellybeans you remind me of my big toe.


I don't understand what you mean this. Big toe?


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> LOL I do though


See if you know this one...

Hey unsure, are you an archeologist?


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I don't understand what you mean this. Big toe?


Cause sooner or later I'm gonna bang you on my couch.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hahaha. Well then that means I'd actually be having sex for once. Goodness, it has been TOO long.

And speaking of toes, I recently sprained one of mine.


----------



## Another Planet

All these stalker guy stories are just weird... don't they know women rip your head off and pull your balls out of throat? And that's only if they like you!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> don't they know women rip your head off and pull your balls out of throat? And that's only if they like you!


Isn't marriage grand? :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Yes and no. There is a limit to the number of piercings, just like there is for tattoos. And having lots of loops just makes you look like a Shanghaied hooker on board a pirate ship.


So, are you saying I should NOT get a third piercing in my right ear? Cause I was thinking about it.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> So, are you saying I should NOT get a third piercing in my right ear? Cause I was thinking about it.


Be careful you might be labeled crazy and no one will love you!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

FeministInPink said:


> So, are you saying I should NOT get a third piercing in my right ear? Cause I was thinking about it.


apparently no.

But the tongue? Go for it!


----------



## Dollystanford

It only means you'll miss out on a date with Nsweet but he's very specific about his requirements anyway


----------



## FeministInPink

Dollystanford said:


> It only means you'll miss out on a date with Nsweet but he's very specific about his requirements anyway


I'm too young for Nsweet, apparently, so that doesn't really matter.

What if the piercing is ONLY on my right ear? I have two on my right and a single on the left, and thinking of going for a third on the right, upper cartilage. But that might hurt.

I'm a wuss. I get kidney stones, and yet I am a total wuss about pain.


----------



## ne9907

I used to have a tongue piercing, now only four tattoos remain from my youth! I love them all!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Be careful you might be labeled crazy and no one will love you!


Well, according to my XH, that already applies.

(J/k, kids. I don't really think that about myself.)


----------



## FeministInPink

ThreeStrikes said:


> apparently no.
> 
> But the tongue? Go for it!


NOT doing that. My teeth are already too messed up as it is.


----------



## Dollystanford

Well I always thought I was too white for him but who can say with these young pups, they change their minds all the time!


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> I used to have a tongue piercing, now only four tattoos remain from my youth! I love them all!!



That apparently makes you "crazy" and "unloveable" as well  (I don't believe that, I saw your pic, your beautiful and also seem funny as hell!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I'm too young for Nsweet, apparently, so that doesn't really matter.
> 
> What if the piercing is ONLY on my right ear? I have two on my right and a single on the left, and thinking of going for a third on the right, upper cartilage. But that might hurt.
> 
> I'm a wuss. I get kidney stones, and yet I am a total wuss about pain.


Do what you want to do in my opinion. You'll just have to put up with guys like me who don't give a **** what you do with your body they just care about your insides.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> See if you know this one...
> 
> Hey unsure, are you an archeologist?


No....






(sorry had to do like real work for a while)


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> That apparently makes you "crazy" and "unloveable" as well  (I don't believe that, I saw your pic, your beautiful and also seem funny as hell!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


aw thank you!


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Do what you want to do in my opinion. You'll just have to put up with guys like me who don't give a **** what you do with your body they just care about your insides.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Awww...see that's a cool attitude. ok, maybe you're not as bitter as I think 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> aw thank you!



Welcome!! What are your tattoos if you don't mind me asking? Being a newbie in the "tat" realm, I am now fascinated with it (altho doubt I will be getting anymore)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> No....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (sorry had to do like real work for a while)


Well that's too bad cause I got a large bone that I need examined.


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> Welcome!! What are your tattoos if you don't mind me asking? Being a newbie in the "tat" realm, I am now fascinated with it (altho doubt I will be getting anymore)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They are in the most cliche places ever haha!!

tiny blue dragon on L ankle, black dragon on middle of back, black sun on lower left belly, and Native american ring on left soulder.


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> I used to have a tongue piercing, now only four tattoos remain from my youth! I love them all!!


I pierced my tongue when I was 22...worst 6 day diet I ever had. Couldn't eat anything solid. I got dumped by email one day and decided the best medicine was to let a guy put a spike through my tongue. I fainted when the pin dropped, he was in heaven though because he got to rub rubbing alcohol all over my exposed skin. (I guess it helps with shock?)


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Well that's too bad cause I got a large bone that I need examined.


hahahah...

You would win me over with funny Dis....... funny is my favorite...guys got to be able to make me laugh, if he wants in my pants


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> I pierced my tongue when I was 22...worst 6 day diet I ever had. Couldn't eat anything solid. I got dumped by email one day and decided the best medicine was to let a guy put a spike through my tongue. I fainted when the pin dropped, he was in heaven though because he got to rub rubbing alcohol all over my exposed skin. (I guess it helps with shock?)


I got mine done right before getting my wisdown teeth pulled out!

I was in the Army at the time, so right before I got my wisdom teeth pulled out, i had to take it off ... and put it back in less than 24 hours later!! haha funny though, I dont remember any pain


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Hey guys.....

Hope all is well. I did something I really never thought I would do. I was offered a huge promotion to move back to the area where my ex and I are from. Ex would have moved the kids and everything. Turned it down. Can't believe I did that. 

I guess this relationship I have is pretty dang serious........


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Hey guys.....
> 
> Hope all is well. I did something I really never thought I would do. I was offered a huge promotion to move back to the area where my ex and I are from. Ex would have moved the kids and everything. Turned it down. Can't believe I did that.
> 
> I guess this relationship I have is pretty dang serious........


D2H! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII......

Wow you are getting serious then......what did you gf think of that? that you were willing to stay for her


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Hey guys.....


Oh goody. You're back. 

Sounds like things ARE getting serious. She is lucky to have your, D2H


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Well that's too bad cause I got a large bone that I need examined.


Although funny I'm not going to steal that one lol


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Although funny I'm not going to steal that one lol


Another you need to STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN for a while...... no dating, no text relationships, and when i say a while i dont mean like a week........................... and i say this with love


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Although funny I'm not going to steal that one lol


That one's a real groaner, but if you've got the right attitude you could pull it off.

The 60" mirror is my current favorite.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Another you need to STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN for a while...... no dating, no text relationships, and when i say a while i dont mean like a week........................... *and i say this with love*


:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another you need to STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN for a while...... no dating, no text relationships, and when i say a while i dont mean like a week........................... and i say this with love


no fun 

I haven't been on match in like a week does that count?


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> That one's a real groaner, but if you've got the right attitude you could pull it off.
> 
> The 60" mirror is my current favorite.


LOL I actually didn't realize that was a joke until just right now :rofl:

When you first posted it I was like wtf is this guy talking about, I get it NOW!!! 
Ohhhh I am so lame


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> no fun
> 
> I haven't been on match in like a week does that count?


hahahaha that is clearly why i prefaced it with "when i say a while i dont mean like a week"


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> no fun
> 
> I haven't been on match in like a week does that count?


:banghead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. It's progress, AP.

Though I say it may be good for you to at least GO on a date instead of talking to people in text / online (haha ourselves, not included). Get it out of your system.


----------



## Another Planet

Man rules...
I would just post the pic but it's huge...
Men Friendship Rules... - quickmeme


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> funny is my favorite...guys got to be able to make me laugh, if he wants in my pants


As long as I have a face you'll have a place to sit darlin'


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Man rules...
> I would just post the pic but it's huge...
> Men Friendship Rules... - quickmeme


OMG the grammar makes me want to fling myself out a window! :slap:


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> OMG the grammar makes me want to fling myself out a window! :slap:


I know right, plus half the **** is kind of dumb. It's more for entertainment value. 
I read some of them and I was just like "glad I don't have any guy BFF's", fck that **** sounds like to much work.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> OMG the grammar makes me want to fling myself out a window! :slap:


Rule 18: WTF is grammer


----------



## vi_bride04

Haven't had a chance to go through these yet, but what do you guys think?

Dating 'rules' you need to break - MSN Living


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> I know right, plus half the **** is kind of dumb. It's more for entertainment value.
> I read some of them and I was just like "glad I don't have any guy BFF's", fck that **** sounds like to much work.


One of them says not to act like a little girl. He'll that list sounds and reads like it was written by a little girl!! Barney on HIMYM is the king of the bro code!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

familyfirst09 said:


> One of them says not to act like a little girl. He'll that list sounds and reads like it was written by a little girl!*! Barney on HIMYM is the king of the bro code!! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Man I miss that show!!! One thing I hate about not having "live" tv, its hard to find CBS shows on the streaming apps. That and Criminal Minds and BBT are my favorite shows!


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> One of them says not to act like a little girl. He'll that list sounds and reads like it was written by a little girl!! Barney on HIMYM is the king of the bro code!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea Im with ff09....


----------



## familyfirst09

I haven't watched TV in about 2 years but I do remember that showed and loved watching it!!

Mmm...Shemar...my dream man...can't believe he's single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> As long as I have a face you'll have a place to sit darlin'


Oooooo! I should add that activity to my growing list....im soo excited im going get laid a lot... hope he can keep up with me..heheheheheheheheheheheheheheeh


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> Oooooo! I should add that activity to my growing list....im soo excited im going get laid a lot... hope he can keep up with me..heheheheheheheheheheheheheheeh


I prefer quality over quantity...altho getting both is definitely preferred 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Oooooo! I should add that activity to my growing list....im soo excited im going get laid a lot... hope he can keep up with me..heheheheheheheheheheheheheheeh


I am so jealous 

but the good kind of jealousy!


----------



## unsure78

oh who knows what will happen with him, ive been around the dating block a time or two now, peoples feeling often change quickly, and boys love to say wonderful things to you they really dont mean or only mean at that moment... I like him very very much but im such a cynic now..he may only last a few weeks, we will see what happens...


as always ladies and gentleman of the single thread, actions not words


----------



## Another Planet

lol


----------



## jpr

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Another you need to STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN for a while...... no dating, no text relationships, and when i say a while i dont mean like a week........................... and i say this with love


I don't know....is AP actually dating? Would you classify not actually going out on a physical date as "dating"??


Sort of like the question, "If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound if no one is around to hear it?"


----------



## muskrat

Is it just me or does AP look like Jimmie Johnson?


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> Is it just me or does AP look like Jimmie Johnson?


I dunno who jimmie Johnson is but if he's cute then he sure does!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> I dunno who jimmie Johnson is but if he's cute then he sure does!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dont either, but AP is HOT!!


----------



## muskrat

I have found dating to be a real headache. The woman I am attracted to aren't attracted to me and vice versus. That is before I even have to sort out the crazies. lol


----------



## Another Planet

lol :woohoo:


----------



## jpr

Congrats, Dedicated....on the non-move. 

I think that really says a lot about how you feel about this girl.

...i'm on similar situation. Last year, I would have done anything to be able to move closer to my family. But, now.....well.....I'm attached, and I have plans for a future.


----------



## muskrat

familyfirst09 said:


> I dunno who jimmie Johnson is but if he's cute then he sure does!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is a race car driver. He is the guy in all the Lowe's commercials.
As a guy, I have no idea if he is hot. I just see a resemblance.


----------



## Another Planet

I'm not that good looking but thank you lol


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> He is a race car driver. He is the guy in all the Lowe's commercials.
> As a guy, I have no idea if he is hot. I just see a resemblance.



Ok yeah I don't watch TV or race car driving lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Dang it AP, that pic blew up the page.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> I'm not that good looking but thank you lol


Yeah, I think you are. He also reminds me of someone I know IRL as well. Funny.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Is it just me or does AP look like Jimmie Johnson?


I think AP looks like my next ex boyfriend


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> I think AP looks like my next ex boyfriend


Oh you are good...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I think AP looks like my next ex boyfriend


:smthumbup::iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I think AP looks like my next ex boyfriend


I'll arm wrestle ya for him!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> D2H! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII......
> 
> Wow you are getting serious then......what did you gf think of that? that you were willing to stay for her


She talked through everything with me before I made a decision, and she was a little upset because it looked like I was leaving. I came back the next day and said I couldn't do it.

She was happy, but also a little disappointed that I didn't get the promo. However, I do have a hunch I'll get the same spot soon here. (within a year)


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I'll arm wrestle ya for him!


Leg wrestle and put the video up here


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> Leg wrestle and put the video up here


I was thinking this calls for an all out bikini jello wrestling match. :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> I have three tattoos and more self-esteem than everyone on this thread put together


Draw down on the locations of those for me would you hon?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I really like where all of this is going


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I'll arm wrestle ya for him!


mud wrestling, jello wrestling, or baby oil wrestling?

haha, i didnt read the ARM part, see?? my mind is on the gutter shm


----------



## bandit.45

Hey Disenchanted , a friend of mine wants to hire me as bassist for his 80's rock cover band. Should I go for it? A gig every Friday and Saturday. They are a well known band.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> She talked through everything with me before I made a decision, and she was a little upset because it looked like I was leaving. I came back the next day and said I couldn't do it.
> 
> She was happy, but also a little disappointed that I didn't get the promo. However, I do have a hunch I'll get the same spot soon here. (within a year)


Im happy for you D2H... she really sounds like a great girl to be that understanding 


Btw I got myself a new engineer...my favorite, I like him a loooooooot... hes got the trifecta smart, good looking, life together and been divorced for a few years
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> mud wrestling, jello wrestling, or baby oil wrestling?
> 
> haha, i didnt read the ARM part, see?? my mind is on the gutter shm


All of the above. Can't go wrong with any of these. I'll even volunteer to Ref the match.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Hey Disenchanted , a friend of mine wants to hire me as bassist for his 80's rock cover band. Should I go for it? A gig every Friday and Saturday. They are a well known band.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hell yes! Why are you even asking? Are they any good? That'd be mad crazy fun. My best buddy's a bassist too, he does a Nugent cover band thing, they pack the clubs, tons of fun.

Sh!t Bandito, you should be doing any and every thing possible to have some fun! DO IT!!


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> All of the above. Can't go wrong with any of these. I'll even volunteer to Ref the match.


Hey Rat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

I've gone into this topic before, Jellybeans will only wrestle in jelly beans. 

Just sayin'.


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> All of the above. Can't go wrong with any of these. I'll even volunteer to Ref the match.


I'm taking on the winner. I may be small but I'm scrappy!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Isn't jello just liquid Jellybeans?

Hmmmm.......


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Im happy for you D2H... she really sounds like a great girl to be that understanding
> 
> 
> Btw I got myself a new engineer...my favorite, I like him a loooooooot... hes got the trifecta smart, good looking, life together and been divorced for a few years
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Good. How long have you been seeing him? (you know me----devil's advocate)


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Hell yes! Why are you even asking? Are they any good? That'd be mad crazy fun. My best buddy's a bassist too, he does a Nugent cover band thing, they pack the clubs, tons of fun.
> 
> Sh!t Bandito, you should be doing any and every thing possible to have some fun! DO IT!!


I gotta get my chops in order. We'll be playing mostly Cult, AC/DC 80's boogie rock. I gotta get my Fender Jazz Bass restrung and my amp re-tubed. But yeah I'm digging the idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Oh goody. You're back.
> 
> Sounds like things ARE getting serious. She is lucky to have your, D2H


Ha! Just back for a few minutes.......


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Good. How long have you been seeing him? (you know me----devil's advocate)


About a month now...

Been going out about 2 dates a week
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

I have a question for the single parents. Do you have your kids the majority of the time (ie ex only has them every second weekend such ismy case). How does this affect your dating and opinion of people you meet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> About a month now...
> 
> Been going out about 2 dates a week
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, so it seems that "hes got the trifecta smart, good looking, life together and been divorced for a few years"........

LOL. Good luck. I'm happy you get to have some fun. It's all about consistency when it comes to truly winning your heart, though. The truth always comes out over time.

In the meantime, maybe he will have the "goods". Is he in shape?


----------



## ne9907

I just got a text from 26 year old, saying he got reassigned to OK (where I came from), 
he is an engineer for some oil company and he travels a lot....

My first instict was "BS you are lying to me, but why? I havent texted him at all!"

I read too much into crap lol


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Ok, so it seems that "hes got the trifecta smart, good looking, life together and been divorced for a few years"........
> 
> LOL. Good luck. I'm happy you get to have some fun. It's all about consistency when it comes to truly winning your heart, though. The truth always comes out over time.
> 
> In the meantime, maybe he will have the "goods". Is he in shape?


I am about consistency too... none of this up and down

Yes he works out couple times a week with a personal trainer and eats fairly well... I think he will be ok in that dept 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I am about consistency too... none of this up and down
> 
> Yes he works out couple times a week with a personal trainer and eats fairly well... I think he will be ok in that dept
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good. The "core" strength is particularly important......


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn, I try to get some work done for an hour and come back and have 3 pages to catch up on!!!

Oh, and I think the wrestling should be done in Jello shots.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> I have a question for the single parents. Do you have your kids the majority of the time (ie ex only has them every second weekend such ismy case). How does this affect your dating and opinion of people you meet?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have my son 50% of the time, and absolutely it affects my social life, and my current relationship. Aside from the time considerations (my partner has to have a lot of patience and understanding) there is also the financial aspect. By the time I provide a standard of living I want my son to have, and pay child support I really don't have any disposable income to go out and do many fun things. So I need a partner that is ok with doing free/inexpensive things and sticking close to home.


----------



## jpr

I have my son 75% of the time. When I was dating, it slowed things down. I would only go on 1 date every 1-2 weeks.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> I have a question for the single parents. Do you have your kids the majority of the time (ie ex only has them every second weekend such ismy case). How does this affect your dating and opinion of people you meet?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had my daughter about 60% of the time. It was pretty much a non issue when it came to dating, since she would be with her dad for 4 days every other week, then one night the other week. I didnt actually date much when she was younger, I was married to her stepdad through her youngest years, but when he and I were in the dating stage, he would come over and hang out at home with us quite a bit, so it really wasnt an issue. She is 17 now, so I hardly ever see her even on my weekends!


----------



## familyfirst09

Thanks for the input. Something I do wonder about when I "officially" enter the dating world (like getting past my fear of online dating). I really don't get a lot of free time so I wonder just how hard it's actually going to be. I also would like to keep my independence and if I only am free like 3 days in a 2 week period, I don't want some guy to expect that entire time would be dedicated to them. Or maybe it should be with such limited time?? I dunno...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

I think kids or not, you're putting the cart before the horse. I don't have any kids around ever and if you wanted to get together with me, I'd be hard pressed to find more than a few chunks of time here and there to meet. That's just life. It's also quite likely that a guy you meet would have kids and custody time too, on top of all the other parts of life.

Usually it just works out. Scheduling is probably the least of your worries once you start dating again!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> I think kids or not, you're putting the cart before the horse. I don't have any kids around ever and if you wanted to get together with me, I'd be hard pressed to find more than a few chunks of time here and there to meet. That's just life. It's also quite likely that a guy you meet would have kids and custody time too, on top of all the other parts of life.
> 
> Usually it just works out. Scheduling is probably the least of your worries once you start dating again!


I found that it added to the "aloof" quality about some guys that sparks women to pursue more, and it drives that part of the attraction. Two women I dated kept messaging me why I haven't asked them out again or why I have been so uncommunicative, they thought I was not into them as much so they sought an answer. It did help me in coming across less needy, and also made me realize I value my free time more than before I had a child. When I read from some of the singles on this thread who don't have kids I can't even fathom how they can go on 2-3 dates a week.


----------



## jpr

My kid is also 3 years old...and he goes to bed at 7:30pm. My divorced was finalized before he turned 2 years old....so, even though I have custody of him most of the time, once I started dating someone for a while, I could invite them over to watch a movie (....or something...) after my son went to sleep.


----------



## familyfirst09

Yeah. Its probably about time in general really but the factor for me is my child. She has to be my priority and some guys I've been told don't like that. My D is 7 so I don't think I have the option of "something" while she's in bed unless I was prepared to introduce them and won't do that until I know it's serious. I'm sure it's going to be an interesting adventure for sure 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

familyfirst09 said:


> One of them says not to act like a little girl. He'll that list sounds and reads like it was written by a little girl!! Barney on HIMYM is the king of the bro code!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK, y'all should check out this: 

Bro Tips


----------



## jpr

Don't think too much about it.

If someone isn't respectful of your time with your child, then you are probably not a good match anyway.

I dated divorced dads until I met my current bf. Most of them have very little time too--and they understand that kids come first.

You just sort of make it work....and you get creative.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lon said:


> I found that it added to the "aloof" quality about some guys that sparks women to pursue more, and it drives that part of the attraction. Two women I dated kept messaging me why I haven't asked them out again or why I have been so uncommunicative, they thought I was not into them as much so they sought an answer. It did help me in coming across less needy, and also made me realize I value my free time more than before I had a child. When I read from some of the singles on this thread who don't have kids I can't even fathom how they can go on 2-3 dates a week.


Heck, *I* don't have kids and I don't know where they find the time. Then again, I work a pretty demanding job, am taking an Italian language class, and try to make sure I have enough time for my creative pursuits. And I also want to squeeze in some time for exercise. I may never date again!


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I found that it added to the "aloof" quality about some guys that sparks women to pursue more, and it drives that part of the attraction. Two women I dated kept messaging me why I haven't asked them out again or why I have been so uncommunicative, they thought I was not into them as much so they sought an answer. It did help me in coming across less needy, and also made me realize I value my free time more than before I had a child. When I read from some of the singles on this thread who don't have kids I can't even fathom how they can go on 2-3 dates a week.



If I did two or three dates a week they were packed back to back on my kid free weekend or some were lunch dates
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

After tonight I have 1 free evening over the course of the next 2 weeks. If I found someone I really wanted to date, I wouldn't have much time to date them.


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> After tonight I have 1 free evening over the course of the next 2 weeks. If I found someone I really wanted to date, I wouldn't have much time to date them.



So would you even bother then??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

FeministInPink said:


> Heck, *I* don't have kids and I don't know where they find the time. Then again, I work a pretty demanding job, am taking an Italian language class, and try to make sure I have enough time for my creative pursuits. And I also want to squeeze in some time for exercise. I may never date again!


Lol I hear you!! as said my priority is D, I think I'd be able or willing to shuffle other things around for someone special but I really enjoy being a workaholic, my time with my friends and family and also my gym time. They'd have to be pretty damn special to give up that stuff sometimes!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

familyfirst09 said:


> So would you even bother then??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely!!!
My schedule is not always this crazy. I usually have at least 1 free night a week. If you find the right person it is amazing how you can "make time" for them. 
Here is how I look at it. When I was married and we were considering having a child, we were told if you wait for the perfect time it will never happen. Well I think dating is the same way. If you keep waiting for that perfect time to start, one day you will wake up 80 years old, alone and wondering why you waited so long.


----------



## vi_bride04

Me and disc golf hat don't have kids and our next date is scheduled almost 2 weeks from now cuz both of us are too busy before then! Lol. Dating takes a lot of work....


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> Absolutely!!!
> My schedule is not always this crazy. I usually have at least 1 free night a week. If you find the right person it is amazing how you can "make time" for them.
> Here is how I look at it. When I was married and we were considering having a child, we were told if you wait for the perfect time it will never happen. Well I think dating is the same way. If you keep waiting for that perfect time to start, one day you will wake up 80 years old, alone and wondering why you waited so long.



Good point...I guess I'm not sure what is holding me back now. just don't feel "ready"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

familyfirst09 said:


> Good point...I guess I'm not sure what is holding me back now. just don't feel "ready"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We all heal from the trauma of divorce in our own way. You may not be completely ready to move on yet. That's ok. Just don't wait forever.
In general dating is not all it's cracked up to be. You will meet a ton of frogs before you find your prince. This gets very frustrating when you give up what little free time you have to meet the frog. The alternative is going through life alone. Some people enjoy that. As for me I am a relationship oriented person, so I would really enjoy having someone to share this journey with.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> I have three tattoos and more self-esteem than everyone on this thread put together


Well DUH!:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I got a tat on my sternum when I was 18 and had low self esteem at the time.
> 
> Posted a pic in my album for everyone to go take a look - I love the tat, don't regret it. Give me your honest opinion of what kind of book I look like


Holy Crap! 

It's a motor boat target.:rofl:

Put forehead on tattoo and start your engines.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I have considered dating a woman but they talk too much.


Yeah, somehow I doubt that's what's stopping you. 

You would have to be a lesbian to put up with dating women.... Because women are annoying and they play f*cked up little head games.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> And that is why I havent gotten laid in a million years!


Hey I just met you. And this is crazy. But here's my number. So call me maybe. And all the other boys. Try to chase me. But here's my number. So call me maybe.:smthumbup:


----------



## krismimo

Another Planet said:


> I'm not that good looking but thank you lol


This folks is Stock Car Driver Jimmy Johnson. He is pretty awesome! 6x champion and that is just for Nascar if I'm correct. He drives a SS Chevy. Not bad for a chevy. And not a bad looker either.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Nsweet: longs for a relationship with Dolly because has a secret fetish of an older woman ruling his world


You know me well! 

Don't forget the thing I do with the 35lb kettlebell either.



Dollystanford said:


> Nsweet wants to be chewed up and spat out again.
> 
> But in a good way.


Well, I wouldn't mind being smothered by you. Little queening from the queen.


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> So, are you saying I should NOT get a third piercing in my right ear? Cause I was thinking about it.


Well, you are a feminist.... So does it even matter what I think?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> It only means you'll miss out on a date with Nsweet but he's very specific about his requirements anyway


You must be THIS crazy or reheaded to ride.


----------



## krismimo

Now where is my prize? Oh cmon that was awesome!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I got mine done right before getting my wisdown teeth pulled out!
> 
> I was in the Army at the time, so right before I got my wisdom teeth pulled out, i had to take it off ... and put it back in less than 24 hours later!! haha funny though, I dont remember any pain


I got mine done twice while in the Navy. And the very day I had it done I went to the NEX and some loudmouth mom called me out. She saw the cup of ice and the bottles of mouthwash I had bought. I was way too anal about rinsing and spitting with the first one, second one was put in wrong and painful, third one was put in just right and felt kinda nice after a few days. I love having a tongue ring and it helps me talk slower.


----------



## Fenix

jpr said:


> I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss people based solely on their education level.


That's nice.

I don't agree that college is a waste of time and I do think that the mindsets that go are a better match for me. On an online dating site, you need qualifiers. This is one of mine. If I met someone irl and was attracted, I probably would not disqualify him on the lack of a degree.

I have other qualifiers. I also disqualify if they are a republican.

And if they don't like animals.
And if they talk about their mothers or the breast sizes of their 'perfect' woman.




eta: OMG, this must mean I'm a liberal elitist!!


----------



## krismimo

Nsweet you have had three tongue rings? Oh my...


----------



## Nsweet

krismimo said:


> Nsweet you have had three tongue rings? Oh my...


Not all at the same time.


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmm 3 tongue rings all at the same time


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmm 3 tongue rings all at the same time


No. One VIBRATING tongue ring.:smthumbup:

15 minutes of OMG for you, annoying tooth rattling for me.


----------



## Another Planet

krismimo said:


> Now where is my prize? Oh cmon that was awesome!


For what knowing about my doppelganger...that is better looking and makes more money lol...bravo I did not know who he was!

I would have to say I am defiantly not insulted to be compared to him in looks. But the real question, is he as charming as I? 
:smthumbup:


----------



## krismimo

Of course not Nsweet of course not...


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> For what knowing about my doppelganger...that is better looking and makes more money lol...bravo I did not know who he was!
> 
> I would have to say I am defiantly not insulted to be compared to him in looks. But the real question, is he as charming as I?
> :smthumbup:



Well just for asking the way you asked, the answer has to be no! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Oh I thought you knew lol! I must have missed the picture memo because I have no clue what you look like. But if you look anything sorta close to that picture than you are not doing half bad!  






Another Planet said:


> For what knowing about my doppelganger...that is better looking and makes more money lol...bravo I did not know who he was!
> 
> I would have to say I am defiantly not insulted to be compared to him in looks. But the real question, is he as charming as I?
> :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> I've gone into this topic before, Jellybeans will only wrestle in jelly beans.
> 
> Just sayin'.


And you know thisss, maaaan (say in Chris Tucker voice).






Nsweet said:


> Yeah, somehow I doubt that's what's stopping you.
> 
> You would have to be a lesbian to put up with dating women.... *Because women are annoying and they play f*cked up little head games*.


Haha. As if men don't!

And I have dabbled in women before. As the kids say, Yolo! Hahahaha. 



Nsweet said:


> Hey I just met you. And this is crazy. But here's my number. So call me maybe. And all the other boys. Try to chase me. But here's my number. So call me maybe.:smthumbup:


:rofl:

Good one, Nsweet!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. As if men don't!
> 
> And I have dabbled in women before. As the kids say, Yolo! Hahahaha.


Somehow I'm not surprised.

It's not that women are terrible people, it's just you have to really be into them and try to compromise as much as possible in order to have a long term relationship with one. That head strong alpha-female attitude and the need to be "right" is something you have to learn to put up with to make her happy. And that is not easy!

Notice how many "bisexual" women have only played with girls and end up with guys. That's because women know each other's games they play and do not get along if they're too much alike. If you can't hang with your female friends without competing, you're never going to have a girlfriend for very long.


----------



## ne9907

26 yo and I are FB friends... so I guess things are getting pretty serious!! Haha... I am so totally joking
But yeah we are fb friends. 
I know what I found attractive, he looks like ex when.he was that age... 
Damn brain!


----------



## Nsweet

Defriend him for your own good.


----------



## Another Planet

Guess what I just did guys!!!
I just got home...kinda of intoxicated but had a ton of fun lol
I didn't want to tell anyone about it in case she flaked again


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Defriend him for your own good.


Oh I am good! But thank you for the concern. I love you Nsweet, you are awesome

Disclaimer for the ladies: do not take the word "love" seriously


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Oh I am good! But thank you for the concern. I love you Nsweet, you are awesome
> 
> Disclaimer for the ladies: do not take the word "love" seriously


Awww, I like you two NE.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Guess what I just did guys!!!
> I just got home...kinda of intoxicated but had a ton of fun lol
> I didn't want to tell anyone about it in case she flaked again


Yay!! Do tell!

Was it everything you expected and more?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Yay!! Do tell!
> 
> Was it everything you expected and more?


Yeah it was really fun, she is totally cool! We were laughing the entire time. I went up to grab a table just before 8 and she showed up just a little after and they closed the place down on us at 11 otherwise we just would have kept going


----------



## ne9907

I am off to get a drink with a man.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL my oldest son just posted this on FB :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

So this guy is 25 and in the navy


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm up way too late for a worknight


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> So this guy is 25 and in the navy


Oh dear.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Oh dear.


Haha why ?
I amn heading back to my place. He is a bit ****y


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Haha why ?
> I amn heading back to my place. He is a bit ****y


Navy guys are good for a short fling, but as far as a mutually exclusive relationship between branches.... Good luck! 

I know Navy guys. I worked and served with them. Even the good ones are horn dogs.


----------



## whitehawk

Think l might've finally got rid of AF's emailing.
l couldn't really tell her l don't wanna be friends as there's been no drama at all she's actually quite nice . Just no way my type not even as friends.
But she's been on the site 9yrs yet emails me 2-3 times a wk in one mth , asking if l'm doing any good. 
Umm , 9yrs - 1mth , oh sure l just got hitched .
Got sick of being polite and just answered her fkg honestly last time. 4 days ago and - not one email since.

l said well , tbh AF l'm very close to a few people here right now so l haven't really been doing anything else 
[as in emailing YOU and asking you for fkg dates] 
no l didn't say that bit but that's what it meant.

And guess what , 4 days and no email , that's 2 days over, l may be free :smthumbup:
Not that l even minded to start anyway but lately !


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Navy guys are good for a short fling, but as far as a mutually exclusive relationship between branches.... Good luck!
> 
> I know Navy guys. I worked and served with them. Even the good ones are horn dogs.


Haha and that is what I THOUGHT I wanted. So after my last post, I decided that I should just have casual sex with this guy. He is hot, young, smoking hot body and a stranger. Everything required for a ONS.

But, as soon as we began kissing I knew I had to leave. I was very horny going in but once the kissing began, I lost my desire!!

I told him I wasnt feeling it and left. I cant do casual sex. I talk a lot of **** butI cant walk the line.

But I am happy with my decision, navy guy wasnt but.he will get over it

Of cours


----------



## Nsweet

Soooooo.....

Bad kisser or not drunk enough?


Navy guy lacked game.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Seriously, if I start with a hot young buff guy wild horses aren't going to drag me in the other direction ha ha. You must have excellent self control NE


----------



## Nsweet

Spoken like a true cougar.:rofl:


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Not a fan of alot of makeup either. All my gf's that wear it heavily had some major craziness.
> 
> MAJOR. CRAZINESS.
> 
> Are some guys turned off by women who don't wear any makeup?


I wear a lot of makeup, but I don't think I'm majorly crazy. I like aesthetic drama and I am not conservative in my sartorial expression. If lipstick and eyeliner is a turn-off for a man, he probably would not be into me. Then again, I prefer a generally unconventional look; if I didn't work the kind of job I work, I'd like to look like a "suicide girl"; I think that most of y'all on this board would not find that attractive, but taste varies.


----------



## Nsweet

You had me at "Suicide Girl".:rofl:

To answer your question. I do, and I would.... which I try not to. 

I'm really trying hard to.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I just got a text from 26 year old, saying he got reassigned to OK (where I came from),
> he is an engineer for some oil company and he travels a lot....


Do you live in TX, ne?


----------



## familyfirst09

moxy said:


> I wear a lot of makeup, but I don't think I'm majorly crazy. I like aesthetic drama and I am not conservative in my sartorial expression. If lipstick and eyeliner is a turn-off for a man, he probably would not be into me. Then again, I prefer a generally unconventional look; if I didn't work the kind of job I work, I'd like to look like a "suicide girl"; I think that most of y'all on this board would not find that attractive, but taste varies.


I love make up and wouldn't go without it. I wouldn't even go to a corner store without at least putting a bit of lip gloss on. I don't think I'm over the top or anything and choose my make up depending on the event (work, party) but if it's something that makes you feel good then I say do it!! Agree that If some men don't like it, they aren't for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I wear a lot of makeup, but I don't think I'm majorly crazy. I like aesthetic drama and I am not conservative in my sartorial expression. If lipstick and eyeliner is a turn-off for a man, he probably would not be into me. Then again, I prefer a generally unconventional look; if I didn't work the kind of job I work, I'd like to look like a "suicide girl"; I think that most of y'all on this board would not find that attractive, but taste varies.



l would :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> So after my last post, I decided that I should just have casual sex with this guy. He is hot, young, smoking hot body and a stranger. Everything required for a ONS.


:smthumbup:

I've known some great Navy guys. Get it, Ne9907!


----------



## RandomDude

=/

My potential FWB who I met last week turned out rather interesting tonight, sweet, charming, seductive eyes with a solid head on her. I like her

Didn't pop my intentions, might keep dating this one just to see
So much for FWB! Bah! But maybe 2nd date she'll give me enough reason to FWB-zone her


----------



## jpr

I like my navy guy....a lot


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> My potential FWB who I met last week turned out rather interesting tonight, sweet, charming, seductive eyes with a solid head on her. I like her
> 
> Didn't pop my intentions, might keep dating this one just to see
> So much for FWB! Bah! But maybe 2nd date she'll give me enough reason to FWB-zone her


Don't fight it, RD. If you like her, it's ok. You may think you only want a FWB but if someone is knowing your socks off, it's ok to just go with it.

Are you divorced yet? Feel like you separated a thousand years ago.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I wear a lot of makeup, but I don't think I'm majorly crazy. I like aesthetic drama and I am not conservative in my sartorial expression. If lipstick and eyeliner is a turn-off for a man, he probably would not be into me. Then again, I prefer a generally unconventional look; if I didn't work the kind of job I work, I'd like to look like a "suicide girl"; I think that most of y'all on this board would not find that attractive, but taste varies.










familyfirst09 said:


> I love make up and wouldn't go without it. I wouldn't even go to a corner store without at least putting a bit of lip gloss on. I don't think I'm over the top or anything and choose my make up depending on the event (work, party) but if it's something that makes you feel good then I say do it!! Agree that If some men don't like it, they aren't for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


By a lot of makeup I'm meaning so much you can see the border line of foundation around their face/neck or that its rubbing off on their clothes...blush that looks painted on....think of Mimi from drew Carey minus the crazy eyeshadow.

Do you guys wear that much makeup?


----------



## Jellybeans

Way too much here:


----------



## Jellybeans

This is definitely more my makeup style:








and


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> By a lot of makeup I'm meaning so much you can see the border line of foundation around their face/neck or that its rubbing off on their clothes...blush that looks painted on....think of Mimi from drew Carey minus the crazy eyeshadow.
> 
> Do you guys wear that much makeup?



Yeah no lol, not me anyway. I hate those lines around the jaw line, gross. I only wear eye shadow on special occasions. If you see my pics in my albums, that's me on a regular basis. I believe less is more and making sure you have the right colors for your skintone is very important.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Totally agree JB.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## EnjoliWoman

I put a little bare mineral foundation on because I have rosacea so it evens out my red cheeks/nose. A little eyeliner (top lid only) and mascara and a lip stain - I like the stain because it colors in a sheer way and doesn't rub off. Then I apply bilstex moisture melt on top. I hate dry lips so I reapply a lip balm often.

Sometimes eyeshadow but not daily. My look is pretty similar to the photo you posted.

For evening or evening attire events, I like a dramatic red lip and the more smokey eye but that's not my every day look.


----------



## Jellybeans

YES finally SPRING! Now if only it would FEEL like it! Hahaha.


----------



## unsure78

what spring? its snowing here


----------



## Jellybeans

DANG girl. There is still snow on the ground here from Monday but it's melting, thank God. I seriously am SO over it! 

We did have two days where it got up to 60s but then we got hit with six inches of snow. ICK.

AnotherPlanet: I want details of the date with Bleacher!

3x--What's up with No Chem?


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Well, you are a feminist.... So does it even matter what I think?


no, not really 

EDIT: But I do like to hear other people's opinions. It introduces me to perspectives that I may not have understood/seen otherwise.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> AnotherPlanet: I want details of the date with Bleacher!
> 
> 3x--What's up with No Chem?


YEA Jelly is right DETAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both of you


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> We all heal from the trauma of divorce in our own way. You may not be completely ready to move on yet. That's ok. Just don't wait forever.
> In general dating is not all it's cracked up to be. You will meet a ton of frogs before you find your prince. This gets very frustrating when you give up what little free time you have to meet the frog. *The alternative is going through life alone. Some people enjoy that.* As for me I am a relationship oriented person, so I would really enjoy having someone to share this journey with.


I'm finding that I fall into that camp. I'm really enjoying my life alone. It might not always be that way, but for the foreseeable future, I'm going to enjoy it.


----------



## Jellybeans

I wouldn't mind having a steady lover on the side who I see sometimes while I live life for me. As for the child-thing and free time, I am child-free and seriously hardly have any free time. My schedule is completely nuts. That's why if I could find someone I liked and wanted to sleep with every so often, that would be so nice. Then he'd go home or I'd go home and it'd be that way til the next time we saw eachother. Ok, maybe some cuddling and a night spent over but yeah. That would be ideal, in my opinion.

But it seems hard trying to find this person who would be ok with that arrangement and who I like enough to do it with.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I put a little bare mineral foundation on because I have rosacea so it evens out my red cheeks/nose. A little eyeliner (top lid only) and mascara and a lip stain - I like the stain because it colors in a sheer way and doesn't rub off. Then I apply bilstex moisture melt on top. I hate dry lips so I reapply a lip balm often.
> 
> Sometimes eyeshadow but not daily. My look is pretty similar to the photo you posted.
> 
> For evening or evening attire events, I like a dramatic red lip and the more smokey eye but that's not my every day look.


I LOVE Bare Minerals. Only makeup I use.

I also go for the "less is more" look. My whole makeup routine is <5 min, and I don't wear makeup all the time. I'm wearing it much more regularly these days (it's a good confidence booster), but I'm still not an every day kind of gal.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> I'm finding that I fall into that camp. I'm really enjoying my life alone. It might not always be that way, but for the foreseeable future, I'm going to enjoy it.


Nothing wrong with that..... one aspect of being single i really enjoy is not having to answer to anyone about anything...

If i want to lay in bed all day when i dont have my kid, i can... If i want to buy something girlie for the house, i can....


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Nothing wrong with that..... one aspect of being single i really enjoy is not having to answer to anyone about anything...


It is great. Also, I don't have to tell my dude to stop leaving his shoes around the house or getting annoyed the toilet seat is up again and other things.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> It is great. Also, I don't have to tell my dude to stop leaving his shoes around the house or getting annoyed the toilet seat is up again and other things.


I know right? or waiting on them to get something done in the house, then feeling like a nag...

if i want something done now, i just make it happen... its nice


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Somehow I'm not surprised.
> 
> *It's not that women are terrible people, it's just you have to really be into them and try to compromise as much as possible in order to have a long term relationship with one. That head strong alpha-female attitude and the need to be "right" is something you have to learn to put up with to make her happy. And that is not easy!*
> 
> Notice how many "bisexual" women have only played with girls and end up with guys. That's because women know each other's games they play and do not get along if they're too much alike. If you can't hang with your female friends without competing, you're never going to have a girlfriend for very long.


It sounds like you have a very narrow sample pool, Nsweet. Not all women are like this. 

I'm alpha, totally. (Which makes the whole concept of me ending up in an emotionally abusive marriage baffling, but whatever.) I don't want a guy to placate me all the time, because he thinks me being right = me being happy. That's what my XH did, and it clearly didn't work for either of us.

What I need, in a partner, is a guy who's going to push back on me when I get like that. I'm looking for equal, not me steamrolling another person.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Soooooo.....
> 
> Bad kisser or not drunk enough?
> 
> 
> Navy guy lacked game.:rofl:


Probably so, I must accept I am just not attracted to the hot smoking body type.... haha


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Do you live in TX, ne?


No, i live in Cali


----------



## whitehawk

l don't know what to do about Pocket Rocket - why did l go flat on it all of a sudden after it being so strong ? 

Dunno how but we've still wound up talking a few hours at least everyday at all hours since, plus texts and really enjoy it . Scratching head !


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> YEA Jelly is right DETAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both of you


I don't know what to say. It was a ton of fun, like 3hrs of laughing with drinks and dinner. Like I said we would have kept going if it wasn't for the place shutting down lol! And if it was the weekend and neither of us had to work I am sure it would have ended back at one of our places 
She's pretty much exactly the way I thought. She is kind of dorky and she has quite the repertuare of facial expressions, its funny and refreshing lol
She is a city girl though, its hard to explain them and I don't know how I keep finding them. And I'm a yuppie burb boy so it makes for an interesting interaction. 
I don't know...I already asked her back out for asap and she invited me over to her place Friday for drinks with friends 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Haha good for you AP , enjoy man you've earnt it :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l don't know what to do about Pocket Rocket - why did l go flat on it all of a sudden after it being so strong ?
> 
> Dunno how but we've still wound up talking a few hours at least everyday at all hours since, plus texts and really enjoy it . Scratching head !


I am confused at your confusion. I don't get it. What do you mean you don't know what to do? About what?

If you like her, keep going for it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> She is a city girl though, its hard to explain them and I don't know how I keep finding them. And I'm a yuppie burb boy so it makes for an interesting interaction.


:rofl:

Glad to hear you finally went out with her. Cause damn. Months of talking w/o meeting were... insane. Cool beans that you hung out and had a good time!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Glad to hear you finally went out with her. Cause damn. Months of talking w/o meeting were... insane. Cool beans that you hung out and had a good time!


I relate to this

While i have been meeting some men on Tinder, I have been talking to a strange 33 year old man. 
I say strange but he does nto want to meet, but does want be open about sex.

I have been conversing with him since day 1 of Tinder. He is polite, texts me out of the blue and always responds in a timely manner when I text him. He was overly aggressive with "sexting" at first, but I put a stop to that.

In any event, we are sort of like friends who texts. I told him about my experience last night.
His respones was that he knows I am not ready for anything serious and that is the reason he has been holding off on meeting me.

I am buying it, paid the .5 cents and buying it! 

I might have to return it at a later date, but I will let you all know!


----------



## Nsweet

I know isn't being single great? I don't have to nobody nowhere or answer any stupid questions like "what are you thinking about?" or be nice to anyone that asks me "do I look fat in this?".

I LOVE IT!:smthumbup: 

I can be as big a d!ck as I want to be and women find it attractive. Which for me being a d!ck is like not really talking ot paying attention to you. In the back of my mind I'm like "Hell no I don't want to hear about your feelings" but on the surface I'm quiet and hard to impress, which somehow makes them talk more.... Damn, I need to figure how that one backfired!:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> no, not really
> 
> EDIT: But I do like to hear other people's opinions. It introduces me to perspectives that I may not have understood/seen otherwise.


In that case. I say I don't like women who have multiple tattoos and piercings and wear a lot of makeup, but that's because those women are my kryptonite. I love em to death, but I have to stay away from my drug of choice. 

Alright, I'll say it.... I love crazy b!tches!:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I know isn't being single great? I don't have to nobody nowhere or answer any stupid questions like "what are you thinking about?" or be nice to anyone that asks me "do I look fat in this?".
> 
> I LOVE IT!:smthumbup:


Hey Nsweet... Do I look Fat in this?

ahhahahahahahahahahaha


----------



## unsure78

Hey Nsweet what are you thinking about????


I think we need to "talk"... I think we need to clarify this realtionship..


hahahahahahahahahbahahahahaqhahah


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Hey Nsweet... Do I look Fat in this?
> 
> ahhahahahahahahahahaha


Oh HELL NO! I am not playing this game again.

Yes you do look fat. And your sister would look prettier in that.:rofl:



unsure78 said:


> Hey Nsweet what are you thinking about????
> 
> 
> I think we need to "talk"... I think we need to clarify this realtionship..
> 
> 
> hahahahahahahahahbahahahahaqhahah


What am I thinking about? I'm thinking it's time we brought another woman into this relationship, because your cooking sucks and I'm tired of cuddling after sex.

That's just what I was thinking. Get out!

Ha! See. Doesn't feel good hearing the honest truth does it.:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Hahahahhahahahahah.....


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet buddy you are going to fall hard when you finally meet her and you're going to be all kinds of messed up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> I wouldn't mind having a steady lover on the side who I see sometimes while I live life for me. As for the child-thing and free time, I am child-free and seriously hardly have any free time. My schedule is completely nuts. That's why if I could find someone I liked and wanted to sleep with every so often, that would be so nice. Then he'd go home or I'd go home and it'd be that way til the next time we saw eachother. Ok, maybe some cuddling and a night spent over but yeah. That would be ideal, in my opinion.
> 
> But it seems hard trying to find this person who would be ok with that arrangement and who I like enough to do it with.



This is where I am right now. It works. But its not long term. Do I want long term eventually - yes, I do know this. I just don't know when.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Nsweet buddy you are going to fall hard when you finally meet her and you're going to be all kinds of messed up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



And she's going to put the CRAZE on CRAZY. 

Just how he likes his women. Hahahaha.


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> This is where I am right now. It works.


Lucky!


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> Lucky!



I think so...best sex I've had in 15 years. and I know it's not going any further and I'm 100 percent okay with that. He's hot too, looks like Luke Bryan lol, yum 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

SUPER lucky! I am happy for ya!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> AnotherPlanet: I want details of the date with Bleacher!
> 
> 3x--What's up with No Chem?





unsure78 said:


> YEA Jelly is right DETAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both of you


Well, we have spent 7 of the last 10 days together. Him going exclusive with P has been taken off the table, he isnt seeing her now. Since he got back in town from a long weekend out of state with the reserves, he has been weirdly attached to me. I havent had this much sex since my early 20s! He has been amazing, I can tell that his feelings have grown. He gushes all the time about how great I am about different things, how I'm the only one who has ever done this for him, or makes him feel that, etc, and has been pretty much a great boyfriend... but not my boyfriend. He still wont commit to being with just me. I was hoping once P was out of the picture, that he would either commit or at least just not date, but I found out last night that he is talking to a new chick from Match, they are texting. 

I know I should have ended this a long time ago, and I know I have said it before, but this needs to end soon. I cant keep doing this. He keeps stating that a big part of it is that he wants someone who will go to church with him and share the same beliefs, and I really dont, I am pretty much agnostic. Our religious and political views are not the same and he has been making kind of a big deal out of it. (my view is that politics has no place in a relationship, and I hate discussing with anyone, because it turns people into a$$holes) Ugh. We have so much fun together, we connect really well, everything seems to be there.. bleh.


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> I think so...best sex I've had in 15 years. and I know it's not going any further and I'm 100 percent okay with that. He's hot too, looks like Luke Bryan lol, yum
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh Gosh,
Luke Bryan is so sexy....


----------



## vi_bride04

Wow plan b hat (new name) keeps texting. I guess I'm the one who keeps responding so why wouldn't he? lol 

I def. think I like disc golf hat better  I'm feeling impatient for our 2nd date!


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Oh Gosh,
> Luke Bryan is so sexy....


I know...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> It sounds like you have a very narrow sample pool, Nsweet. Not all women are like this.
> 
> I'm alpha, totally. (Which makes the whole concept of me ending up in an emotionally abusive marriage baffling, but whatever.) I don't want a guy to placate me all the time, because he thinks me being right = me being happy. That's what my XH did, and it clearly didn't work for either of us.
> 
> What I need, in a partner, is a guy who's going to push back on me when I get like that. I'm looking for equal, not me steamrolling another person.


Stick around and read more of my posts. You'll get a better picture of me.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I havent had this much sex since my early 20s!


LUCKY!

Damn, everyone is having sex! 

3x, I think it is kind of funny how after everything, the thing that is making you rethink things with NoChem is politics/religion. I agree that it does turn folks into a$$holes when they get heated discussing it.

I am glad to hear you are getting laid though. Seems like you already know. 

Vi--you are rounding them up, huh?  They always come back! Have you plans to meet up with Plan B?


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, we have spent 7 of the last 10 days together. Him going exclusive with P has been taken off the table, he isnt seeing her now. Since he got back in town from a long weekend out of state with the reserves, he has been weirdly attached to me. I havent had this much sex since my early 20s! He has been amazing, I can tell that his feelings have grown. He gushes all the time about how great I am about different things, how I'm the only one who has ever done this for him, or makes him feel that, etc, and has been pretty much a great boyfriend... but not my boyfriend. He still wont commit to being with just me. I was hoping once P was out of the picture, that he would either commit or at least just not date, but I found out last night that he is talking to a new chick from Match, they are texting.
> 
> I know I should have ended this a long time ago, and I know I have said it before, but this needs to end soon. I cant keep doing this. He keeps stating that a big part of it is that he wants someone who will go to church with him and share the same beliefs, and I really dont, I am pretty much agnostic. Our religious and political views are not the same and he has been making kind of a big deal out of it. (my view is that politics has no place in a relationship, and I hate discussing with anyone, because it turns people into a$$holes) Ugh. We have so much fun together, we connect really well, everything seems to be there.. bleh.


Disclaimer: I say this because I care....

WTF are you thinking? You are letting yourself be a placeholder until he finds his perfect person. You are letting him use you. You are his ego boost. Yes, you tell yourself you are getting something out of it...but that is :bsflag:. 

He is a f'cking @sshole to the millionth degree. He knows how you feel about him and what you want from him and yet he continues to rope you in...and you are letting him. :slap:

He will NEVER be your friend, boyfriend, husband...anything that actually means something genuine. This guy is a user. Period. 

You are too smart and too beautiful to be wasting your time with this guy. 

They NEVER come around, 3X. Never.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Nsweet buddy you are going to fall hard when you finally meet her and you're going to be all kinds of messed up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. I have a feeling I will some degree of control over myself. 



Jellybeans said:


> And she's going to put the CRAZE on CRAZY.
> 
> Just how he likes his women. Hahahaha.


I know my type. She is going to piss me off and challenge me around every turn. She's going to be magical!:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> No. I have a feeling I will some degree of control over myself.


Nobody ever has control over that stupid love bug drug.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> LUCKY!
> 
> 
> Vi--you are rounding them up, huh?  They always come back! Have you plans to meet up with Plan B?


LOL someone has to take over for me since im only seeing the one now...

someones got to give us good date stories


----------



## Dollystanford

lisab0105 said:


> Disclaimer: I say this because I care....
> 
> WTF are thinking? You are letting yourself be a placeholder until he finds his perfect person. You are letting him use you. You are his ego boost. Yes, you tell yourself you are getting something out of it...but that is :bsflag:.
> 
> He is a f'cking @sshole to the millionth degree. He knows how you feel about him and what you want from him and yet he continues to rope you in...and you are letting him. :slap:
> 
> He will NEVER be your friend, boyfriend, husband...anything that actually means something genuine. This guy is a user. Period.
> 
> You are too smart and too beautiful to be wasting your time with this guy.
> 
> They NEVER come around, 3X. Never.



Word sister. 

3x I don't have any more to add to the above except that this guy is a massive douchebro


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Disclaimer: I say this because I care....
> 
> WTF are you thinking? You are letting yourself be a placeholder until he finds his perfect person. You are letting him use you. You are his ego boost. Yes, you tell yourself you are getting something out of it...but that is :bsflag:.
> 
> He is a f'cking @sshole to the millionth degree. He knows how you feel about him and what you want from him and yet he continues to rope you in...and you are letting him. :slap:
> 
> He will NEVER be your friend, boyfriend, husband...anything that actually means something genuine. This guy is a user. Period.
> 
> You are too smart and too beautiful to be wasting your time with this guy.
> 
> They NEVER come around, 3X. Never.


I unfortunately agree, sorry 3X


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Nobody ever has control over that stupid love bug drug.


Love isn't a drug, it's a morphine drip. You have to want to stay under the influence and believe that the person your with is some perfect soul mate in order to live in that fantasy, that fallacy, that lie. 

Better check your self before you wreck yourself.


----------



## Dollystanford

Also check your spelling of fallacy xx


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> Also check your spelling of fallacy xx


Lol I was going to make some smug comment about it too 

Couldn't think of anything funny though :scratchhead: lol


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Also check your spelling of fallacy xx


Yeah Ok spelling troll. I'll get right on that... 

Just as soon as England regains control over the states and we're all forced to speak the Queens English with perfect dialect and spelling.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Better check your self before you wreck yourself.


:rofl:



Dollystanford said:


> Word sister.
> 
> 3x I don't have any more to add to the above except that this guy is a massive douchebro


:rofl: I am trying to imagine "douchebro" being said with a British accent. Hahaha. "Douchey" slang is so very American. Who knew?!


----------



## Ikaika

Nsweet said:


> Yeah Ok spelling troll. I'll get right on that...
> 
> 
> 
> Just as soon as England regains control over the states and we're all forced to speak the Queens English with perfect dialect and spelling.



You do realise, that you need realize the spelling of realise and the pronunciation of aluminum.


----------



## Nsweet

If you liked that one Jelly I got a whole list of gansta rap lyrics that can be turned into life lessons very easily. Everything from "Gangster's Paradise" to "99 Problems (but a b!tch ain't one)".


----------



## Jellybeans

_If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son.

I got 99 problems but a b!tch ain't one._


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Disclaimer: I say this because I care....
> 
> WTF are you thinking? You are letting yourself be a placeholder until he finds his perfect person. You are letting him use you. You are his ego boost. Yes, you tell yourself you are getting something out of it...but that is :bsflag:.
> 
> He is a f'cking @sshole to the millionth degree. He knows how you feel about him and what you want from him and yet he continues to rope you in...and you are letting him. :slap:
> 
> He will NEVER be your friend, boyfriend, husband...anything that actually means something genuine. This guy is a user. Period.
> 
> You are too smart and too beautiful to be wasting your time with this guy.
> 
> They NEVER come around, 3X. Never.


Thanks for this Lisa, this is why I dont post about it, because I know how fvcked up it is and I am ashamed of myself.


----------



## Another Planet

Oh **** I forgot rofl
I texted her yesterday to ask how many earrings she does have for certain when you all were discussing it...
Last night she asked me why I asked her.....OH SHIAT 0_o lol
LUCKILY I'm smooth like that and completely transitioned out of that conversation with out a hitch lol I just told her that I was wondering because some friends and I were talking about ear rings and I thought they were cool and that I liked them, then she does that hair ear tuck with finger thing you girls do and I noticed she has a tattoo on her wrist so I diverted the conversation towards that lol

You guys almost got me in trouble!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Vi--you are rounding them up, huh?  They always come back! Have you plans to meet up with Plan B?


I've been debating...probably will. He just asked to hang out Sat as I was typing this....actually to be more accurate "would you want to spend some time together on Saturday"

Doesn't sound like a date to me. So sure, I'll hang out for some conversation during meal time. Ha!


----------



## Jellybeans

3x, it sounds like you alrady know that it isn't good for you. You said so yourself, eons ago. 

If you could totally separate feelings from sex it would be amazing and the perfect situation. 

I am not going to lecture you cause you're a grown woman. We all do stuff that is dumb and not good for us. 

I only wish you well and tell you to use protection.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I've been debating...probably will. He just asked to hang out Sat as I was typing this....actually to be more accurate "would you want to spend some time together on Saturday"
> 
> Doesn't sound like a date to me. So sure, I'll hang out for some conversation during meal time. Ha!


GO FOR IT. Is he hot??? 

Conversation... haha if that one guy pops up who I *almost* did go to Candyland with, I am going to be having a conversation with him all right... a conversation with my panties. 

:rofl: :smthumbup:

Take one for the team, Vi! I beg you!


----------



## Jellybeans

Marriage... it really is romantic, ain't it?


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks for this Lisa, this is why I dont post about it, because I know how fvcked up it is and I am ashamed of myself.


Don't feel ashamed, just love yourself more!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> Don't feel ashamed, just love yourself more!!!


:iagree: 

I know I've been in a similar spot like you, 3x. Don't beat yourself up, just know you deserve so much better. I don't think that guy will commit to ANYONE..ever...


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> GO FOR IT. Is he hot???


He's ok. I'm not as attracted to him physically as I am disc golf hat.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ooh la la!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> 3x, I think it is kind of funny how after everything, the thing that is making you rethink things with NoChem is politics/religion. I agree that it does turn folks into a$$holes when they get heated discussing it.


These are HIS issues, not mine!  To each their own, I say.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Marriage... it really is romantic, ain't it?


As I was driving to work, i thought about marriage, I do not want it.


----------



## Dollystanford

There's nothing to feel ashamed about 3x, we've all accepted crumbs from someone not worthy of our general all round awesomeness

We say it with love because we don't want the f*ckwit to break your heart


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks for this Lisa, this is why I dont post about it, because I know how fvcked up it is and I am ashamed of myself.


WE love you no matter what! So don't stop posting. We won't be TOO hard on you and when we do it's because we often see so much more in you! 

I love your advice and I know it's much easier to give good advice than live by it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I know I've been in a similar spot like you, 3x. Don't beat yourself up, just know you deserve so much better. I don't think that guy will commit to ANYONE..ever...





Dollystanford said:


> There's nothing to feel ashamed about 3x, we've all accepted crumbs from someone not worthy of our general all round awesomeness
> 
> We say it with love because we don't want the f*ckwit to break your heart





Jellybeans said:


> 3x, it sounds like you alrady know that it isn't good for you. You said so yourself, eons ago.
> 
> If you could totally separate feelings from sex it would be amazing and the perfect situation.
> 
> I am not going to lecture you cause you're a grown woman. We all do stuff that is dumb and not good for us.
> 
> I only wish you well and tell you to use protection.





EnjoliWoman said:


> WE love you no matter what! So don't stop posting. We won't be TOO hard on you and when we do it's because we often see so much more in you!
> 
> I love your advice and I know it's much easier to give good advice than live by it.


Thanks ladies! I know you're just looking out for me!  I try to do the same!


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> There's nothing to feel ashamed about 3x, we've all accepted crumbs from someone not worthy of our general all round awesomeness
> 
> We say it with love because we don't want the f*ckwit to break your heart





EnjoliWoman said:


> WE love you no matter what! So don't stop posting. We won't be TOO hard on you and when we do it's because we often see so much more in you!
> 
> I love your advice and I know it's much easier to give good advice than live by it.


Wisdom. There are many very wise folks here. :iagree:


----------



## unsure78

Hey guys you know whats fun... making out in a car on a lunch date...hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe


----------



## Jellybeans

You are so bad, Unsure. Hee hee. It's like high school!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> You are so bad, Unsure. Hee hee. It's like high school!


OMG its so much fun...love it!


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Hey guys you know whats fun... making out in a car on a lunch date...hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe


You know what's more fun? Getting kicked out of a fancy resort parking lot for car sex after a 5 star dinner.

Frikin' horn kept getting blown, wish the horn wouldn't work with the key off.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> You know what's more fun? Getting kicked out of a fancy resort parking lot for car sex after a 5 star dinner.
> 
> Frikin' horn kept getting blown, wish the horn wouldn't work with the key off.


Oh we will sooooo be doing it in his car at some point..... totally awesome car


----------



## familyfirst09

I just noticed what one of the tags on this thread are: the coolest people on tam. Haha 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Hey guys you know whats fun... making out in a car on a lunch date...hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe


Haha, I recently had sex in my truck!


----------



## familyfirst09

I wonder if it should say the horniest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

familyfirst09 said:


> I just noticed what one of the tags on this thread are: the coolest people on tam. Haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh oh, time for me to exit.


----------



## Jellybeans

You are one of the coolest, Dre. You stay! We need your Hawaiian wisdom.


----------



## unsure78

the other is hats...hahahahahahahahahahahahahah


----------



## Ikaika

familyfirst09 said:


> I wonder if it should say the horniest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whew, I can stay


----------



## Disenchanted

I actually managed to have sex on a ski slope this winter, woot woot


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> the other is hats...hahahahahahahahahahahahahah



Yes! Ummm...why?? I do notice vi tags her men with "hat" but not sure what it means....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

On a ski slope?

I did not have sex this winter, or fall, or before that... :/

I am going to have a funeral for my lady bits. I swear. It seems like I am never going to have sex. Awful.


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Yes! Ummm...why?? I do notice vi tags her men with "hat" but not sure what it means....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a Singles of TAM thing.


----------



## Ikaika

Disenchanted said:


> I actually managed to have sex on a ski slope this winter, woot woot


I can tell you from lots and lots of experience, sex on the beach is not sexy or all that good. Sand has a way of finding its way into every crack and crevice, OUCH.


----------



## Disenchanted

drerio said:


> I can tell you from lots and lots of experience, sex on the beach is not sexy or all that good. Sand has a way of finding its way into every crack and crevice, OUCH.


I disagree, I actually still have the blanket I used with my first GF. It was HER first time ever. We were on a beach, behind a sand dune. I think I might frame it.

We had sex ONLY on the beach for a couple years, nowhere else to go!


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> I wonder if it should say the horniest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> On a ski slope?
> 
> I did not have sex this winter, or fall, or before that... :/
> 
> I am going to have a funeral for my lady bits. I swear. It seems like I am never going to have sex. Awful.


haha

You do not need to do that! Just make sure the guy you pick gets your rockets going!

Man, last night was dissapointing... sometimes good looking studs do not know how to kiss....


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> It's a Singles of TAM thing.


Well can you explain it please? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I am going to have a funeral for my lady bits.


Will it be an open casket?


----------



## Ikaika

Disenchanted said:


> I disagree, I actually still have the blanket I used with my first GF. It was HER first time ever. We were on a beach, behind a sand dune. I think I might frame it.
> 
> We had sex ONLY on the beach for a couple years, nowhere else to go!


Sand may be different where you were at than in Hawai'i. Plus I don't think there is a blanket large enough for the fun and games of my preference


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> Well can you explain it please?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There was reference at some point to dating being like trying on different hats.


----------



## Disenchanted

drerio said:


> Sand may be different where you were at than in Hawai'i. Plus I don't think there is a blanket large enough for the fun and games of my preference


Oh that sounds good! And yes, where I come from the sand is super soft and fine.

Hawaii is much grainier from my experience. I've only had sex on the beach a few times in Hawaii, we always ended up in the surf.

Here's my home (in fact the _exact_ beach described above):


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I am going to have a funeral for my lady bits. I swear. It seems like I am never going to have sex. Awful.


Don't do that until you see a grey hair or two down there.

Then its time for a funeral....


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't do that until you see a grey hair or two down there.(


----------



## Ikaika

Disenchanted said:


> Oh that sounds good! And yes, where I come from the sand is super soft and fine.
> 
> Hawaii is much grainier from my experience. I've only had sex on the beach a few times in Hawaii, we always ended up in the surf.
> 
> Here's my home (in fact the _exact_ beach described above):


Actual beach location where I grew up. One of those in the video is my nephew. I actually posted a video (back a long time ago) of friends and myself when I was much much younger surfing these same spots. 

Surf's Up Kauai - YouTube


----------



## Disenchanted

drerio said:


> Actual beach location where I grew up.


Gorgeous.

Hard to imagine you don't like sex on the beach, I love it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Will it be an open casket?


For shame! She will go with dignity. Closed casket.

LOL. 



vi_bride04 said:


> Don't do that until you see a grey hair or two down there.
> 
> Then its time for a funeral....


:rofl:


----------



## familyfirst09

3Xnocharm said:


> There was reference at some point to dating being like trying on different hats.


Ahhh, ok thanks. Some hats are for safety reasons.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Hey guys you know whats fun... making out in a car on a lunch date...hehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe





Disenchanted said:


> You know what's more fun? Getting kicked out of a fancy resort parking lot for car sex after a 5 star dinner.
> 
> Frikin' horn kept getting blown, wish the horn wouldn't work with the key off.


lol You know whats not fun...having a police baton tap on the window when shes..ahem...assisting you in public parking 
He's like "how old are you two" ROFLOLOLOLOL he was fresh out of the academy, maybe 23-24


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> For shame! She will go with dignity. Close casket.
> 
> LOL.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


Need any pall bearers?


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> lol You know whats not fun...having a police baton tap on the window when shes..ahem...assisting you in pulic parking
> He's like "how old are you two" ROFLOLOLOLOL he was fresh out of the academy, maybe 23-24


Yeah but the look on his face was priceless.

We laughed all the way home.


----------



## Disenchanted

Hey Jellybeans, did you know that my couch pulls out?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> On a ski slope?
> 
> I did not have sex this winter, or fall, or before that... :/
> 
> I am going to have a funeral for my lady bits. I swear. It seems like I am never going to have sex. Awful.


You need to go skiing more then.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> On a ski slope?
> 
> I did not have sex this winter, or fall, or before that... :/
> 
> I am going to have a funeral for my lady bits. I swear. It seems like I am never going to have sex. Awful.


I know what you mean, Jellybean! A few weeks back, my sister actually suggested that I look into hiring a male escort! It must be evident that I am in dire straights, because my sister and I have never had the type of relationship where we talk about sex. Ever.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> I can tell you from lots and lots of experience, sex on the beach is not sexy or all that good. Sand has a way of finding its way into every crack and crevice, OUCH.


Hint: find a beach that has fine, smooth gravel (the size of rice grains) instead of very fine sand. It feels amazing and even adds to the sensations


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Need any pall bearers?


More like "pole barers"


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> I know what you mean, Jellybean! A few weeks back, my sister actually suggested that I look into hiring a male escort! It must be evident that I am in dire straights, because my sister and I have never had the type of relationship where we talk about sex. Ever.


Any woman in the world need never pay for sex. Atleast not directly, just the expense of a sexy pair of boots and maybe a coif.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lon said:


> Any woman in the world need never pay for sex. Atleast not directly, just the expense of a sexy pair of boots and maybe a coif.


I know she meant it as a joke, but the implication stung a little bit, esp since I'm still working on rebuilding my self-esteem. She doesn't know much of the details re: the breakdown of my marriage, so she didn't realize what she was saying.


----------



## Disenchanted

FeministInPink said:


> I know she meant it as a joke, but the implication stung a little bit, esp since I'm still working on rebuilding my self-esteem. She doesn't know much of the details re: the breakdown of my marriage, so she didn't realize what she was saying.


Maybe she was just implying that you deserve some fun without the bullsh!t emotional entanglement. It's a great idea!


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> You need to go skiing more then.


I have aversion to the cold. Anytime I have "gone skiing" I spent most of my time at the bar drinking baileys. Haha



Lon said:


> More like "pole barers"


Good one!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> I know she meant it as a joke, but the implication stung a little bit, esp since I'm still working on rebuilding my self-esteem. She doesn't know much of the details re: the breakdown of my marriage, so she didn't realize what she was saying.


The topic of escorts brings up no triggers for me personally, but believe me I do know how much the implications of not getting sexual attention/affection can hurt the self esteem deeply. It is only ever those who have validation that tout the freedom of not needing validation.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> Hey Jellybeans, did you know that my couch pulls out?


Is that so they dont make baby couches??


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Is that so they dont make baby couches??


ROFL  oh thats a good one!!!!


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> Is that so they dont make baby couches??


Cause I don't.

Fine XXX you beat me on that one.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lon said:


> The topic of escorts brings up no triggers for me personally, but believe me I do know how much the implications of not getting sexual attention/affection can hurt the self esteem deeply. It is only ever those who have validation that tout the freedom of not needing validation.


It isn't the escort thing, really. My XH wasn't going to hookers or anything like that. He just refused me any type of emotional intimacy for most of our marriage. So to say that I should just pay for it is a little hurtful; it implies that's I'm not good enough to get it for free


----------



## ne9907

ne9907 said:


> I relate to this
> 
> While i have been meeting some men on Tinder, I have been talking to a strange 33 year old man.
> I say strange but he does nto want to meet, but does want to be open about sex.
> 
> I have been conversing with him since day 1 of Tinder. He is polite, texts me out of the blue and always responds in a timely manner when I text him. He was overly aggressive with "sexting" at first, but I put a stop to that.
> 
> In any event, we are sort of like friends who texts. I told him about my experience last night.
> His respones was that he knows I am not ready for anything serious and that is the reason he has been holding off on meeting me.
> 
> I am buying it, paid the .5 cents and buying it!
> 
> I might have to return it at a later date, but I will let you all know!


Ok, 
So monday I invited the 33 year old to go hiking with me this weekend. He told me that he would check and see what he had planned.

I texted today to confirm and he told me he wont make it.
He said he is SURE we will have sex when we meet, and he wants to wait until I am ready.
( I told him about last night).

I joked about how he must be so confident that he knows he will have sex, he said yes, we will. 

So opinions? What is he doing??


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I am confused at your confusion. I don't get it. What do you mean you don't know what to do? About what?
> 
> If you like her, keep going for it.



Don't worry , that makes two of us.
Well , if we keep being in touch and having the fun we have like this , she's gonna be asking all the same questions you girls are always asking - why isn't he going for it . what's he thinking , all that stuff ? lt's coming !
l'm still loving that side of it now though, l just don't feel the urge anymore to go for it with her though.

Well l wanted to before , l was effn crazy about her, l dumped 3 other girls to be with her. But then l just went flat on it, wtf !


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> It isn't the escort thing, really. My XH wasn't going to hookers or anything like that. He just refused me any type of emotional intimacy for most of our marriage. So to say that I should just pay for it is a little hurtful; it implies that's I'm not good enough to get it for free


Yep that is what I thought you meant. I refused my ex too. Not that I was fully aware, just that there was so much resentment for the ways she was neglecting my needs too. (And I'm not trying to imply you were a neglectful wife or anything, I won't presume your ex's reasons for refusing intimacy were anything like my own). 

But anyways, like I said, no need for a woman to ever have to pay for sex, and not that it would ever apply to you but there is no such thing as a woman not good enough to get sex for free. Just like there is no man that can't find a woman to talk about emotions with! It is all supply and demand, the macro economics of sex. If your man won't supply your demand for sex there is always another plentiful source out there.


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> It isn't the escort thing, really. My XH wasn't going to hookers or anything like that. He just refused me any type of emotional intimacy for most of our marriage. So to say that I should just pay for it is a little hurtful; it implies that's I'm not good enough to get it for free


Are you telling me women would be willing to pay for platonic dates with surrogate husbands? That's actually not a bad idea. 

And I am in no way speaking in jest or making fun of you here. 

I have always thought that divorce would be a little easier if you could hire a person for the "wife/husband experience" without the sex. Sort of a counseling practice, only they sorta wean you off of the married state and help give you the closure you were looking for.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Oh **** I forgot rofl
> I texted her yesterday to ask how many earrings she does have for certain when you all were discussing it...
> Last night she asked me why I asked her.....OH SHIAT 0_o lol
> LUCKILY I'm smooth like that and completely transitioned out of that conversation with out a hitch lol I just told her that I was wondering because some friends and I were talking about ear rings and I thought they were cool and that I liked them, then she does that hair ear tuck with finger thing you girls do and I noticed she has a tattoo on her wrist so I diverted the conversation towards that lol
> 
> You guys almost got me in trouble!!!




So did she actually tell you though after all that , how many she has?
l couldn't imagine someone asking you back - why you ask ! 
Anyway , l love earrings , millions of em :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Ok,
> So monday I invited the 33 year old to go hiking with me this weekend. He told me that he would check and see what he had planned.
> 
> I texted today to confirm and he told me he wont make it.
> He said he is SURE we will have sex when we meet, and he wants to wait until I am ready.
> ( I told him about last night).
> 
> I joked about how he must be so confident that he knows he will have sex, he said yes, we will.
> 
> So opinions? What is he doing??


He's playing PUA games with you.

But what did you expect? He wouldn't take the hint to stop sexting you, and he's only playing nice until he can drop the act.

What do you want to bet that this guy is going to turn into a creeper? I can tell he's going to get really aggressive and not take no for an answer.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Are you telling me women would be willing to pay for platonic dates with surrogate husbands? That's actually not a bad idea.
> 
> 
> Just on this point , hell you bet they would , it happening 24/7, they're just more discrete about it.
> Could be your calling ns :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Ok,
> So monday I invited the 33 year old to go hiking with me this weekend. He told me that he would check and see what he had planned.
> 
> I texted today to confirm and he told me he wont make it.
> He said he is SURE we will have sex when we meet, and he wants to wait until I am ready.
> ( I told him about last night).
> 
> I joked about how he must be so confident that he knows he will have sex, he said yes, we will.
> 
> So opinions? What is he doing??




Sorry ne, your just a back up for him. Stop texting, inviting, forget about him.


----------



## vi_bride04

Ne, he just wants sex. Hiking is not sex, that's why he declined.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Ne, he just wants sex. Hiking is not sex, that's why he declined.


Lol, hiking is what you tell a woman you do when you want to have sex with her.


----------



## Dollystanford

Vi is correct, he wants sex and he wants you to think that it's your choice and decision when actually it's all he's interested in anyway

Ditch him


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> Lol, hiking is what you tell a woman you do when you want to have sex with her.


Don't forget poetry, rock climbing, and NOT playing video games or watching porn.:rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Don't forget poetry, rock climbing, and NOT playing video games or watching porn.:rofl:


"I love to cook" is another dating profile misnomer, what it means is "I love to eat" + "you should have sex with me because I wrote that"


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Are you telling me women would be willing to pay for platonic dates with surrogate husbands? That's actually not a bad idea.
> 
> And I am in no way speaking in jest or making fun of you here.
> 
> I have always thought that divorce would be a little easier if you could hire a person for the "wife/husband experience" without the sex. Sort of a counseling practice, only they sorta wean you off of the married state and help give you the closure you were looking for.


Totally misread that and imagined sex in the conversation. Ugh. Head. In. Gutter.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> "I love to cook" is another dating profile misnomer, what it means is "I love to eat" + "you should have sex with me because I wrote that"


And of course "Want's kids: Yes". That means you should have sex with me and not make me wear a condom. 

Another good one is anything you can slip in there about looking to "settle down". Yeah! Settle down for a easy lay.

What's another good one. Oh I got it! "I won't do anything we're both not completely comfortable with." I have stories where that line has worked so good. Like you believe what I got from saying that.:rofl: 

I can't forget any you can mention about massaging. Like you needed a better excuse to get women naked and relaxed.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> "I love to cook" is another dating profile misnomer, what it means is "I love to eat" + "you should have sex with me because I wrote that"


Not always dude!!!!!!! I seem to be an exception to a lot of rules.
Actually If I were to go in depth about what that means on my profile it would be that "you better not be boring because I like to cook and entertain and throw some crazy ass parties, if your uptight about throwing parties and gatherings and EVERYTHING that goes with that including the financing planning determination organization and drive that it takes to pull off 50-100+ people gatherings either get with it or move on" :smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

I particularly get a giggle when they write something like "I am done playing games"

hahahahaha, no they are not, they never are!

If you believe her, you just defaulted.


----------



## Lon

Another Planet said:


> Not always dude!!!!!!! I seem to be an exception to a lot of rules.
> Actually If I were to go in depth about what that means on my profile it would be that "you better not be boring because I like to cook and entertain and throw some crazy ass parties, if your uptight about throwing parties and gatherings and EVERYTHING that goes with that including the financing planning determination organization and drive that it takes to pull off 50-100+ people gatherings either get with it or move on" :smthumbup:


I like to cook meals for myself.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Don't fight it, RD. If you like her, it's ok. You may think you only want a FWB but if someone is knowing your socks off, it's ok to just go with it.
> 
> Are you divorced yet? Feel like you separated a thousand years ago.


She'll hit a dealbreaker sooner or later I'm sure (I have plenty!  Even if not I'll make up a few - just for her! Hehe)

Divorcing soon, life has just been going on - emotions are now cold


----------



## Nsweet

My favorite is when a woman writes in her dating profile something about "not being into all that drama". 

That only means one thing... She's a drama queen!

Anytime you read some weird out of place blanket statement on a dating profile, it usually means he or she is obsessed with that topic. Like "Don't judge me" or "Men are all jerks" or "I'm not like those other guys". Lies, lies, and damn lies.


----------



## lisab0105

Dollystanford said:


> Vi is correct, he wants sex and he wants you to think that it's your choice and decision when actually it's all he's interested in anyway
> 
> Ditch him


Exactly. He doesn't want to date you or get to know you. He wants to f'ck you and probably never call you again unless he can't find someone else to have sex with later. Any interaction that doesn't involve you putting out by the middle of the date is a waste of his time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I am so glad I found you guys!!

The single life would totally be a cluster fvck of humiliation with out you.

You all totally rock


----------



## Nsweet

Here's a good example of what I'm talking about, paraphrased of course. 

*"I really don't like playing games"...

"if there is a problem talk about it and lets work it out"....

"I'm not into all that drama stuff."

"My kids are my entire life"*

Why is this such a bad thing? Because someone who doesn't play games doesn't have to make such bold statements and muddle up their dating profile with pessimism. Usually people make this mistake and end up turning the best of intentions into red flag comments. If you need to tell people you're calm and willing to talk about problems, then put that. 

The kids being your whole world comment is a fairly average red flag. It's said with good intentions, but it reads as someone who has no life outside of their kids. As true a statement as that may be sometimes, it's not something you want to advertise on your dating profile. Especially not being a divorced parent looking for someone to date who may not have kids themselves. At least embellish a little and tell people you read instead of watching TV.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> H
> The kids being your whole world comment is a fairly average red flag. It's said with good intentions, but it reads as someone who has no life outside of their kids. As true a statement as that may be sometimes, it's not something you want to advertise on your dating profile. Especially not being a divorced parent looking for someone to date who may not have kids themselves. At least embellish a little and tell people you read instead of watching TV.


This one bothers me when I come across profiles that say this, because this is like telling me up front that they are not going to have time for me. Why bother dating? Also, if you are a parent, it should go without saying that the kids are your priority, thats just how its supposed to be. Throwing that out in your profile, to me, just isnt necessary.


----------



## familyfirst09

**taking notes for potential future online dating profile** 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

This thread is starting to get depressing. I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!! I am so jealous of all of you who are enjoying the dating world.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> This thread is starting to get depressing. I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!! I am so jealous of all of you who are enjoying the dating world.


Dont feel too bad, did you read MY pathetic story??


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Dont feel too bad, did you read MY pathetic story??



Yep, your story makes me feel worse. How does a douche like that get a great woman like you wrapped around his finger? 
I'd like to think I am a descent guy, but all I seem to find are very mentally unstable women.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> This thread is starting to get depressing. I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!! I am so jealous of all of you who are enjoying the dating world.


I'm not having sex boss! And I literally feel grrrrrreeeeaaaat with out.
It use to bother me but then I realized what comes with that, mainly risking connecting yet ANOTHER woman to my life for the rest of my life...I have barely had anytime to be myself yet why the FCK would I want another cray to worry about?!
Sometimes I even thank my marriage for keeping me out of BIG BIG trouble during my 20's lol


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> This thread is starting to get depressing. I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!! I am so jealous of all of you who are enjoying the dating world.


I am with 3x on this one, it seems all the guys that like me are younger and only want to fvck me.... cant say I blame them. I am so deliciously hot haha...

Except for one, he friendzoned, oh and since we are fb friends I found out he is bisexual... yeah totally over him. Not my cup of tea


----------



## Nsweet

Another red flag that bugs me is hearing any talk about sex or how good they think they are in a dating profile. Now I can talk about sex and think about it professionally, separating the erotic from the mechanical, but anytime a woman uses any talk how good she is in bed... Just turns me off. Don't spoil the fantasy for me and brag or downright lie about what you can do, let me get to know you and work for that. Surprise me!

And I'm sorry but naked pics don't do it for me, I've been spoiled by internet porn. I know what your naked parts are supposed to look like and if I can see it before meeting in person what's the point? It's like if you want my respect then tell me who you are let me like you for your intelligence and personality, not what you look like naked and bent over.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Yep, your story makes me feel worse. How does a douche like that get a great woman like you wrapped around his finger?
> I'd like to think I am a descent guy, but all I seem to find are very mentally unstable women.


Springs here mang, there will be more tail to distract you soon enough then you want to deal with. 

I just finally decided on my parts list for one of my trucks I have sitting I'm going to custom to keep me occupied until I get my car to work on, hoping for my bday on the car. Plus for my Bday I'm suppose to go to Holland for a couple weeks  winter is on it's way out and my leash is almost cut all the way


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Yep, your story makes me feel worse. How does a douche like that get a great woman like you wrapped around his finger?
> I'd like to think I am a descent guy, but all I seem to find are very mentally unstable women.


Man, now I feel worse too! Hell, maybe I am mentally unstable to keep putting up with this. Rat, you're adorable, and I enjoy your posts, I have no doubt you could get me wrapped around YOUR finger!


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> This thread is starting to get depressing. I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!! I am so jealous of all of you who are enjoying the dating world.


Dude, I haven't had sex in over 21 months. It would be over 3 years if it weren't for a horny blonde cougar who unbeknownst to me used me to get back at her big black angry boyfriend. Not everyone here is having sex, and not everyone is having as much fun as they claim. Some of us are still reeling. 

Dolly and Unsure kinda rub it in, but they're geeky girls who finally blossomed into beautiful bombshells. You can let them have that one.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Man, now I feel worse too! Hell, maybe I am mentally unstable to keep putting up with this. Rat, you're adorable, and I enjoy your posts, I have no doubt you could get me wrapped around YOUR finger!


I'm sorry 3X, I didn't mean to make you feel worse. You are not mentally unstable. You just want what we all want, to be loved. You found a guy you really like, he is using you, you know it. It is still hard to walk away because you really like him.
As for your last sentence, if you lived a little closer I would try.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I'm sorry 3X, I didn't mean to make you feel worse. You are not mentally unstable. You just want what we all want, to be loved. You found a guy you really like, he is using you, you know it. It is still hard to walk away because you really like him.
> As for your last sentence, if you lived a little closer I would try.


No need to apologize! I didnt take it as directed at me being unstable!  I just felt bad that my situation would make someone else feel bad too...


----------



## Another Planet

Got my first wedding invitation for the summer today


----------



## Another Planet

Sooooo... I was talking to bleacher all night and I was finally like ok I got to do some paperwork to do...shes like oh so you're ditchin me for paperwork"...and im just like "remember for me to be me I have to do my thing"...I get just an "ok" back......:/
I care but I don't....she knows what I have on my plate...is this where the **** comes in cause I only see where im going...if she wants to come along shes welcome but nothings stopping me sooo and shes more then welcome to come with me ...you all yelled at me for this perspective in the past but that's where its at for me...ehh i'll do it alone fine with that


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> I am so deliciously hot haha...


tru dat


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I am with 3x on this one, it seems all the guys that like me are younger and only want to fvck me....


Currently in the same situation, ne. The attention I seem to be getting is more about "hey I wanna do you" rather than "hey, I wanna know you and maybe more". And, it' from younger guys, which is odd.

With you, it's probably just that you're hot or something. In my case, I think I'm giving off too much of a freaky vibe, at the moment. Not untrue, but, maybe not the signals I wanna be projecting.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Sooooo... I was talking to bleacher all night and I was finally like ok I got to do some paperwork to do...shes like oh so you're ditchin me for paperwork"...and im just like "remember for me to be me I have to do my thing"...I get just an "ok" back......:/
> I care but I don't....she knows what I have on my plate...is this where the **** comes in cause I only see where im going...if she wants to come along shes welcome but nothings stopping me sooo and shes more then welcome to come with me ...you all yelled at me for this perspective in the past but that's where its at for me...ehh i'll do it alone fine with that


You can't just stop being yourself because you're involved with someone. You have to have your own life. If she's a person worth your time, she will respect you for keeping your commitments and getting your stuff done and not resent you for being an unavailable plaything.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Currently in the same situation, ne. The attention I seem to be getting is more about "hey I wanna do you" rather than "hey, I wanna know you and maybe more". And, it' from younger guys, which is odd.
> 
> With you, it's probably just that you're hot or something. In my case, I think I'm giving off too much of a freaky vibe, at the moment. Not untrue, but, maybe not the signals I wanna be projecting.


Thanks Moxi, I was sort of being sarcastic with the hot comment, I am pretty though.
Anyway... I think that because I am using Tinder too meet people, most 20 somethings just want to get off. They see an older woman and they assume "easy lay"
I am not offended, I know exactly what tinder it's for, the ego boost its great, but I am getting tired of it.

I just want attention and someone to talk to, text to, whatever.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> I am pretty


tru dat


----------



## ne9907

What the hell am I still doing up??


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> tru dat


Oh Disenchanted, you had me at tru

Thank you


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> I think that because I am using Tinder too meet people, most 20 somethings just want to get off.


You can filter for ages, just sayin'.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Oh Disenchanted, you had me at tru
> 
> Thank you


If I found you on Tinder I would totally try to (scratch that, I _would_) get in your pants. And I am definitely _not_ a 20 something.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> If I found you on Tinder I would totally try to (scratch that, I _would_) get in your pants. And I am definitely _not_ a 20 something.


Haha
Damn app with distance requirements!! I am just soooo unlucky.... sooo totally not fair


 anyway back to reality. Need to sleep. Must fall asleep. Night all


----------



## RandomDude

Being dragged out tonight with my date... >.<

Bah!


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Haha
> Damn app with distance requirements!! I am just soooo unlucky.... sooo totally not fair
> 
> 
> anyway back to reality. Need to sleep. Must fall asleep. Night all




sweet dreams


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> This thread is starting to get depressing. I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!! I am so jealous of all of you who are enjoying the dating world.



But Rat l thought you were all tied up with a new lady - no ?

Anyway , on the fun point. Well l been busy let me tell ya but l dunno how much of it's been fun and how much of it's been more cluster fk than my separation tbh.
l need a holiday already :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I am with 3x on this one, it seems all the guys that like me are younger and only want to fvck me.... cant say I blame them. I am so deliciously hot haha...
> 
> Except for one, he friendzoned, oh and since we are fb friends I found out he is bisexual... yeah totally over him. Not my cup of tea




Well after reading this one what else could l do but take a peak, l's need some verificatiooonnn .
Your ok l spose :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

l can't believe the way they all insist on telling the whole world how much they love their children . Why do they all feel the need to state so out load something sooooo obvious ?

And the other one that drives me nuts is - my family and friends mean everything to me - just like every other girl on the site.

And yep , there's another one - l love to enjoy every day to the max , life is for living bla fkg bla !
l mean yeah right , even expecting to enjoy 2 outa 3 to the max is pointing to la la land not reality .
Reality is if on average we get to really enjoy a day or two now and then then we are doing very well , because the rest of them are called life .

And that one is usually started or ended with something like it's time to start living . Um no , when you were 16 was the time to start living, l know l made damn sure l did cause the next 30 are the absolute max prime of our whole lives. So if you haven't managed it through those so what, you think the skies gonna be painted in roses and butterflies from here? 
And suddenly, miraculously, your gonna just take your pick of the men out there and , start living life to the max. ? Umm, mirror anyone !


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> There was reference at some point to dating being like trying on different hats.


Ahhh, thanks for that. I had wondered.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Another red flag that bugs me is hearing any talk about sex or how good they think they are in a dating profile.


Anyone who advertises that on a dating profile would NOT get a date with me.



RandomDude said:


> She'll hit a dealbreaker sooner or later I'm sure (I have plenty!  Even if not I'll make up a few - just for her! Hehe)


You are a defeatist, darling. It's like you want them to fail. Or you yourself to fail. Stop that.



muskrat said:


> I think I am the only one here not having fun dating. That and I am also one of the few not having sex. Ugggh!!!


You are not alone. I am not dating and haven't gotten laid since the last census was taken. 



ne9907 said:


> I texted today to confirm and he told me he wont make it.
> He said he is SURE we will have sex when we meet, and he wants to wait until I am ready.
> ( I told him about last night).
> 
> I joked about how he must be so confident that he knows he will have sex, he said yes, we will.
> 
> So opinions? What is he doing??


This would turn me off. He can't bother to even meet you yet tells you he is SURE he is going to sleep with you "when" you do meet? Wow. I would have told him "I am certain that won't happen because we're not meeting up at all." End text.

Wow. What a transparent and completely presumptuous guy.

He only wants to bang you and damn, he's barely even making an effort.



Lon said:


> "I love to cook" is another dating profile misnomer, what it means is "I love to eat" + "you should have sex with me because I wrote that"


Hehehe. But I do love to cook and eat and, well, somebody should have sex with me cause it's been a long while. :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

So I found out some interesting information about my ex last night.

His daughter turned 18, so he has been hot to trot to get child support lowered. Guess he convinced his 1st xW to have it re-evaluated. Turned in paystubs, tax returns, all of that. He now is paying almost double for just his son what he was for both kids. 

Oh an of course he is spewing that its my fault he is in his financial situation. I ruined his life, I forced him out of the house...really, I sound like such a horrible person. That blows my mind. I barely think about him and he is still holding this grudge like this. He is remarried for gosh sakes!! Oh and I also learned she doesn't work. So he is supporting her and her son. 

I guess when I take him to court for contempt due to abandoning the house I will be even more evil :FIREdevil:

The whole thing gave me a chuckle last night. I just shake my head wondering when the delusion ends with these people...?


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't remember the backstory of you guys, Vi or why you guys split, but it sounds like he is still very angry and is taking his current problem out on you.

Do not engage.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> You are a defeatist, darling. It's like you want them to fail. Or you yourself to fail. Stop that.


:scratchhead:

No, I'm just a realist 

Optimism is great until you fall off a cliff in excitement!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I don't remember the backstory of you guys, Vi or why you guys split, but it sounds like he is still very angry and is taking his current problem out on you.
> 
> Do not engage.


LOL I haven't heard his voice or seen him in person since Aug of 2012. Last correspondence was through email last July when he told me he was moving out of the house he was awarded in the divorce and I was free to do whatever I wanted with it. We are both still on the mortgage as well as the deed. He was supposed to make his best attempt to refinance to get my name off of it by 2015. He didn't, he abandoned it, so I've got a great case of contempt against him. 

Anyways, quick backstory - he cheated with a co-worker, was in the middle of the affair when we bought said house above, told me he wanted a divorce, I stepped out with a ONS, we tried to "R" (pre-TAM)...thought we were good. 5yrs later he starts up an EA with another coworker. I left. He was re-married to wife #3 less than 2 weeks after the divorce was final, less than 6 months from when I moved out. 

Oh he cheated on his first wife with me so not sure why I was expecting the relationship to work. Yes, I am an OW/WS/BS.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

vi_bride04 said:


> I guess when I take him to court for contempt due to abandoning the house I will be even more evil :FIREdevil:
> 
> The whole thing gave me a chuckle last night. I just shake my head wondering when the delusion ends with these people...?


Ride your broomstick to court. That will be hilarious!


----------



## Another Planet

I am never getting married ever again. Nope nope nope nope nope


----------



## Oldfaithful

I just wish you all a lot of luck, dating sucks. I got so tired of all the generic profiles, maybe eharmony is really better because you don't have to go through all of that? 
It's just funny what people think is in an indicator of low self esteem. All these rules we create for ourselves, I could have missed out on meeting someone wonderful.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh, wow, Vi. What a backstory! Yeah man, he is still sounding upset and oh well, too bad/so sad for him. You are lucky to be freeeeeeeeeee.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I am never getting married ever again. Nope nope nope nope nope


This is like music to my ears. :smthumbup:


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Anyone who advertises that on a dating profile would NOT get a date with me.





Jellybeans said:


> I am not dating and haven't gotten laid since the last census was taken.





Jellybeans said:


> He only wants to bang you and damn, he's barely even making an effort.





Jellybeans said:


> well, somebody should have sex with me cause it's been a long while. :rofl:



Women are so congruent.


----------



## Jellybeans

You can take apart my posts but it doesn't mean anything.

I don't use online dating nor do I really want to date. If I were to online date I surely would not be attracted to a guy saying how good he fvcks. Nope. 

What I want is a steady lover, on the side, to sleep with. 

Everyone agreed about Ne and the guy only wanting to bang her. Maybe you disagree.


----------



## vi_bride04

I don't know Jelly....maybe you should start actively looking for that NSA sex thing. 

Nothing wrong with it if both people are on the same page. 

I know you aren't a casual sex type of person, but there is something about just f*cking the sh!t out of a guy and never calling him again...LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

You are making a good point, Vi. 

I realize what I want is an anomaly, really, a lover who I am attracted to but who can be discreet and not all in my face and not seeing me everyday (I don't have time for that) but who we can steadily boff. It can't be just a random though. Like, I can't pick up a dude in a bar and go home. It's not my style. Hence, the steadiness. Hehehe. If only... lol

You are making a good point. Hahaha.


----------



## Disenchanted

Oldfaithful said:


> It's just funny what people think is in an indicator of low self esteem.


Well my opinion is influenced by my cheating stealing lying wh0ring ex wife. Prior to her I didn't have these biases.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Everyone agreed about Ne and the guy only wanting to bang her. Maybe you disagree.


No I definitely agree. I give the guy props for just telling the truth and saying what he wants. I see no problem with casual sex if both people want it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> No I definitely agree. I give the guy props for just telling the truth and saying what he wants.


Agreed. 

I think it's better to be honest from the get-go. I have always said that I would respect a man 10x more who told me STRAIGHT OUT from the gate (say, if we're on a date) that "Hey, I am not looking for real dating. I just want to bang" versus the one who strings me along! 

Because that way everyone knows from the get-go what is on the table and can see the situation out as best suited to them.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> You can take apart my posts but it doesn't mean anything.


Happy F day Jelly. I was just trying to be light hearted and joke around with you. That's all.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry I was prickly.

I wish it were a *real* F day, Dis. Hehehehe


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed.
> 
> I think it's better to be honest from the get-go. I have always said that I would respect a man 10x more who told me STRAIGHT OUT from the gate (say, if we're on a date) that "Hey, I am not looking for real dating. I just want to bang" versus the one who strings me along!
> 
> Because that way everyone knows from the get-go what is on the table and can see the situation out as best suited to them.


EXACTLY!!!

I met a girl, really cute. After talking a bit she mentioned that she would never date a smoker. Uh oh. I said "Well I can quit smoking for a night" hahahahha

She said she was looking for something more substantial then that but wished me good luck in finding what I wanted. She was great! I told her I'd call her once I quit completely. She thought that was great and said "you've got my number".

I've had enough games, just be fvcking straight up.


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> You can take apart my posts but it doesn't mean anything.
> 
> I don't use online dating nor do I really want to date. If I were to online date I surely would not be attracted to a guy saying how good he fvcks. Nope.
> 
> What I want is a steady lover, on the side, to sleep with.
> 
> Everyone agreed about Ne and the guy only wanting to bang her. Maybe you disagree.



I am not a casual sex person either and my current situation I just kind of stumbled in to and it's great for me right now. 

Men who brag period about how good they are is a total turn off to me. People who have to brag that much really actually suck in bed and aren't getting any. This guy is probably just trying to boost his own ego and it's a total turn off. Guys like that are just gross, especially once they hit a certain age. 

If you can find a fwb then go for it. But you gotta make sure you follow the "rules" lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> EXACTLY!!!
> 
> I met a girl, really cute. After talking a bit she mentioned that she would never date a smoker. Uh oh. I said "Well I can quit smoking for a night" hahahahha


Hahaha! Perfect response! Yeah man, if people wer ejust honest with eachother, the world would be so much better.

That's why I don't get Social Media Gy. I told him in layman's terms a zillion times I don't want to date him. You'd think he'd respect that? Lol. For me, I love when a guy just says what the deal is.



familyfirst09 said:


> I am not a casual sex person either and my current situation I just kind of stumbled in to and it's great for me right now.


Lucky!



familyfirst09 said:


> If you can find a fwb then go for it. But you gotta make sure you follow the "rules" lol.


Hehehe. I thought I was well on my way to an older lover who I was digging but then he sort of disappeared on me after going out a couple of times. I was sure the next time was going to be THE TIME. If we cross paths again, I think he's going to be the one. He got my lady bits excited in a way no other guy had that I've been out with recently.


----------



## Oldfaithful

Disenchanted said:


> Well my opinion is influenced by my cheating stealing lying wh0ring ex wife. Prior to her I didn't have these biases.



But if you want someone who is natural, can they dye their hair, have implants, get their teeth whitened, wear make up, work out, or do they have to be Amish? It seems capricious. 

I do think there is one rule that holds, which is if someone won't meet you within two weeks of starting to chat just cut them off.


----------



## Oldfaithful

familyfirst09 said:


> I am not a casual sex person either and my current situation I just kind of stumbled in to and it's great for me right now.
> 
> 
> 
> Men who brag period about how good they are is a total turn off to me. People who have to brag that much really actually suck in bed and aren't getting any. This guy is probably just trying to boost his own ego and it's a total turn off. Guys like that are just gross, especially once they hit a certain age.
> 
> 
> 
> If you can find a fwb then go for it. But you gotta make sure you follow the "rules" lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FWB can be very fun, 

Just be careful because if it's a really good friend, if you ever get into a relationship with someone else you probably aren't going to be able to stay friends. Something I'm dealing with now and it sucks.


----------



## Disenchanted

Oldfaithful said:


> But if you want someone who is natural, can they dye their hair,


sure, I do that myself! it grows out.



Oldfaithful said:


> have implants,


not in a milliondy billiondy years



Oldfaithful said:


> get their teeth whitened, wear make up, work out, or do they have to be Amish? It seems capricious.


Permanently altering appearance is a lack of judgement in my opinion and a cry for attention. Particularly in an outlandish or "stand apart" kind of way. Everyone is capricious at times, doesn't mean they should act on impulse and make permanent changes. 

There are going to be lots of 80 year old women in nursing homes wishing they never got that tramp stamp, lol.



Oldfaithful said:


> I do think there is one rule that holds, which is if someone won't meet you within two weeks of starting to chat just cut them off.


Texts and phone calls and emails are for setting up dates IMO, nothing more.


----------



## Disenchanted

Mmmm pretty


----------



## Jellybeans

Oldfaithful said:


> I do think there is one rule that holds, which is if someone won't meet you within two weeks of starting to chat just cut them off.


Haha. You hear that, AnotherPlanet?

By the way, one of my colleagues is hot. Every time he walks by I totally cop a glimpse of his a$$. I love when he has to help me with something. It's the little things.


----------



## Disenchanted

A couple was celebrating 50 years together. 

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a
Sunday dinner in their honour.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number
one. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a
patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important
thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom
look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and
didn't have time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you
were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy
anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was
really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said,
"There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long
time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each
of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we
loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get
married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean
we're bastards?"

"Yep," said the father, 
"And cheap ones too."


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl:

Omg, good one, Dis!


----------



## Oldfaithful

There are going to be a lot of 80 year olds in the nursing home comparing their tattoos and asking "what was that supposed to be? What did that say?" 
I hope all I have to worry about at 80 is my friends' tramp stamps.

Oh and the younger old people with their torn apart hanging ear lobes. Blech.


----------



## Disenchanted

Oldfaithful said:


> There are going to be a lot of 80 year olds in the nursing home comparing their tattoos and asking "what was that supposed to be? What did that say?"
> I hope all I have to worry about at 80 is my friends' tramp stamps.


Hey I have no problem with people making holes in weird places and expanding them to astronomical proportions, or coloring themselves permanently with meaningless stuff. As I said originally, I would not date a woman with piercings other then her ears or _visible_ tattoos. That's okay though, there are millions of guys who are into it and do it to themselves. Great!

It's just a personal preference.


----------



## Another Planet

Dis- ROFLOLOLOLOL


----------



## Jellybeans

This earring hole does nothing for me:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. You hear that, *AnotherPlanet*?
> 
> By the way, one of my colleagues is hot. Every time he walks by I totally cop a glimpse of his a$$. I love when he has to help me with something. It's the little things.


 eehhh what can I say


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I laughed so hard at this, I cried...:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Dis- ROFLOLOLOLOL


Happy F day AP!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> This earring hole does nothing for me:


It does something for me. It ruins the appearance of what would otherwise be a total hottie.

Daddy issues.


----------



## lisab0105

Disenchanted said:


> It does something for me. It ruins the appearance of what would otherwise be a total hottie.
> 
> Daddy issues.


Her eyeliner alone makes me want to punch something not to mention those ears :slap:.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Her eyeliner alone makes me want to punch something not to mention those ears :slap:.


My daughter does her eyeliner like that all the time, its quite a skill, actually! Of course, she is 17, too! She also gauges her ears, but nothing like this chick! Mom has a limit, LOL!


----------



## Jellybeans

I actually think the cat-eye eyeliner is kind of cute. It's dramatic and fun. but the ear hole---egads! I am scurred.


----------



## Disenchanted

Well if their gonna do it they might as go all the way and get a lip disk, so HAWT!!!


----------



## Oldfaithful

They better start saving up for corrective ear lobe surgery if my kids ever try that ****.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


>


Omg!  

WHY would anyone do that? How can they eat?


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Omg!
> 
> WHY would anyone do that?


They hate themself.



Jellybeans said:


> How can they eat?


It's plexiglass


----------



## Disenchanted

I can just imagine taking that to a fancy restaurant, sitting across from it and watching it's chew it food through it's hole. That'd get me so fvcking hard.


----------



## familyfirst09

Oldfaithful said:


> But if you want someone who is natural, can they dye their hair, have implants, get their teeth whitened, wear make up, work out, or do they have to be Amish? It seems capricious.
> 
> I do think there is one rule that holds, which is if someone won't meet you within two weeks of starting to chat just cut them off.


Honestly some people are just hypocrites and liars and say things to make themselves look good or impress other people. OR they genuinely fall for the person even tho they have qualities or traits they never thought they would like. 

My ex for example hates cats, would never live in a duplex and made fun of my vegetarian friends. He is now living in a duplex with a vegetarian and a cat lol. Whether it's genuine or not, I dunno but he's doing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Honestly some people are just hypocrites and liars and say things to make themselves look good or impress other people. OR they genuinely fall for the person even tho they have qualities or traits they never thought they would like.
> 
> My ex for example hates cats, would never live in a duplex and made fun of my vegetarian friends. He is now living in a duplex with a vegetarian and a cat lol. Whether it's genuine or not, I dunno but he's doing it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe he pretended hating those things cause secretly he loved them and couldn't admit it. I have seen that a lot with gay people and then coming out years later. 
You know, insecurities that people have with themselves that they see in others...same concept with bullies.
It honestly must be one of the scariest things in the world to have to pretend to be someone you aren't.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> I can just imagine taking that to a fancy restaurant, sitting across from it and watching it's chew it food through it's hole. That'd get me so fvcking hard.


:rofl:


----------



## Oldfaithful

familyfirst09 said:


> Honestly some people are just hypocrites and liars and say things to make themselves look good or impress other people. OR they genuinely fall for the person even tho they have qualities or traits they never thought they would like.
> 
> 
> 
> My ex for example hates cats, would never live in a duplex and made fun of my vegetarian friends. He is now living in a duplex with a vegetarian and a cat lol. Whether it's genuine or not, I dunno but he's doing it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



My ex used to make fun of the woman he's been with for six years now. I guess some people just put up with anything when there's free kitty involved.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Maybe he pretended hating those things cause secretly he loved them and couldn't admit it. I have seen that a lot with gay people and then coming out years later.
> You know, insecurities that people have with themselves that they see in others...same concept with bullies.
> It honestly must be one of the scariest things in the world to have to pretend to be someone you aren't.


Yeah I can understand those situations but not him. But I honestly don't care anymore now either lol. I think he's a hypocrite personally but then again most of the guys I have met are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oldfaithful

familyfirst09 said:


> Yeah I can understand those situations but not him. But I honestly don't care anymore now either lol. I think he's a hypocrite personally but then again most of the guys I have met are.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Most people are. Honesty is such a lonely word...you just need to find that rare gem among the coal.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Yeah I can understand those situations but not him. But I honestly don't care anymore now either lol. I think he's a hypocrite personally but then again most of the guys I have met are.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't care but you are bitter enough to call him a hypocrite for actually liking things he must like? You are such a hypocrite lol


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I do love to cook and eat and, well, somebody should have sex with me cause it's been a long while. :rofl:


That ladies and gents, will be the headline for my dating profile...


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> You don't care but you are bitter enough to call him a hypocrite for actually liking things he must like? You are such a hypocrite lol



Lol, I'm not bitter at all (anymore, trust me I was for a very loooooooong time). Its just my opinion. I could be wrong. He could like the cat and the duplex now, I dunno (and don't care lol). It was just something he would never ever do when we were together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

not bitter lol


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed.
> 
> I think it's better to be honest from the get-go. I have always said that I would respect a man 10x more who told me STRAIGHT OUT from the gate (say, if we're on a date) that "Hey, I am not looking for real dating. I just want to bang" versus the one who strings me along!
> 
> Because that way everyone knows from the get-go what is on the table and can see the situation out as best suited to them.


I found one just like this!!

We were texting last night, he outright said "I am not looking for a relationship, just a friend with some benefits. i was cheated on, if this isnt your thing, i understand."

I am not looking to date, I want sex.
Our schedules do not match at all, we will see how this one goes.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I found one just like this!!
> 
> We were texting last night, he outright said "I am not looking for a relationship, just a friend with some benefits. i was cheated on, if this isnt your thing, i understand."


:smthumbup: See? It's so much better when people tell you what they want instead of what they think you want in order to string you along and whatnot.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Lol, I'm not bitter at all (anymore, trust me I was for a very loooooooong time). Its just my opinion. I could be wrong. He could like the cat and the duplex now, I dunno (and don't care lol). It was just something he would never ever do when we were together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol I'm just teasing. 
We all hate our exes for whatever reason or another it's not a big deal. I hate my ex and it makes me sick to my stomach my kids have to have her as a mother, she is literally the worst person I have ever met and is all around a disgusting human being and the world would definitely be a better place without her.
Embrace the hatred and understand it for what it is


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> lol I'm just teasing.
> We all hate our exes for whatever reason or another it's not a big deal. I hate my ex and it makes me sick to my stomach my kids have to have her as a mother, she is literally the worst person I have ever met and is all around a disgusting human being and the world would definitely be a better place without her.
> Embrace the hatred and understand it for what it is



Well let's be bitter together!! Lol. I actually feel sorry for my ex now because he has ruined his relationship wwith his daughter. Its sad really. I will never understand why he did what he did but I gave up trying to understand a long time ago. He still pisses me off from time to time, which is normal, but I no longer feel the need to run him over 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> We all hate our exes for whatever reason or another it's not a big deal.
> 
> Embrace the hatred and understand it for what it is


I don't hate my ex. In fact, I went out for drinks with Mr. Ex Jelly last week. He was a huge part of my life for a long time and eventhough we parted ways, he is a very special man and I only wish him the best. 

I think holding onto the hatred long-term is a sign of negativity and not conducive to moving on.

It is really hard to get past the point where you feel indifferent though. Especially after a divorce.


----------



## Boottothehead

Speaking of hypocrites, I found out my husband's ex is having weight loss surgery. She's been posting on some forums and is really biotchy about people who have lost weight through diet and exercise. I get that some people just can't do it on their own, but shouldn't you be supportive of other formerly fat people? Especially when your surgery is going to fail due to your self esteem issues and laziness?


----------



## Oldfaithful

Boottothehead said:


> Speaking of hypocrites, I found out my husband's ex is having weight loss surgery. She's been posting on some forums and is really biotchy about people who have lost weight through diet and exercise. I get that some people just can't do it on their own, but shouldn't you be supportive of other formerly fat people? Especially when your surgery is going to fail due to your self esteem issues and laziness?



She sounds like a great person.


----------



## Jellybeans

Boottothehead said:


> Speaking of hypocrites, I found out my husband's ex is having weight loss surgery. *She's been posting on some forums and is really biotchy about people who have lost weight through diet and exercise.* I get that some people just can't do it on their own, *but shouldn't you be supportive of other formerly fat people? *


:rofl: So funny, your post. 

And the HORROR of people losing weight through diet and exercise. Hahaha.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Well let's be bitter together!! Lol. I actually feel sorry for my ex now because he has ruined his relationship wwith his daughter. Its sad really. I will never understand why he did what he did but I gave up trying to understand a long time ago. He still pisses me off from time to time, which is normal, but I no longer feel the need to run him over
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds good! 
I don't feel sorry for her, she can keep fckn shiat up. I feel sorry for the people in her life because she ruins everything...on purpose too, she sucks really bad! If you have not ever met a BPD person you are lucky and just hope you never do.


----------



## Boottothehead

I guess she's run through all the guys who are into bbw on craigslist Tulsa and needs to find some fresh meat. It sucks, because when this fails, she'll get extra biotchier towards us and start coming up with reasons to deny visitation again.


----------



## Another Planet

Boottothehead said:


> I guess she's run through all the guys who are into bbw on craigslist Tulsa and needs to find some fresh meat. It sucks, because when this fails, she'll get extra biotchier towards us and start coming up with reasons to deny visitation again.


Uggh I hate those cycles they have. It's good for a little while and the kids are doing good and then they get pissed about something and have to start **** again...WHY do they have to do that? Can't they just be like mildly normal?

I can't wait to see what kind of ****storm my ex is going to drum up when she scares off this new guy


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Hehehe. But I do love to cook and eat and, well, somebody should have sex with me cause it's been a long while. :rofl:


Well, ok. But only if you like hiking and camping...


----------



## Jellybeans

Hahaha, Lon! 

I don't hike or camp. Outdoors to me is the Caribbean beach.
With a Corona. With several Coronas, actually.

:toast:


----------



## unsure78

:/ stuff 



(though for once not boy stuff)


----------



## Jellybeans

What's wrong, Unsure? 

Do I need to hug you into my bosom?


----------



## Another Planet

:iagree:


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> It isn't the escort thing, really. My XH wasn't going to hookers or anything like that. He just refused me any type of emotional intimacy for most of our marriage. So to say that I should just pay for it is a little hurtful; it implies that's I'm not good enough to get it for free


D'oh! I wrote emotional intimacy, when I meant to write physical intimacy. (He denied me emotional intimacy, too, but that's a slightly separate topic.)

I didn't totally understand some of the responses I got, and now I see why...


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Totally misread that and imagined sex in the conversation. Ugh. Head. In. Gutter.


no, you didn't misread it, I mis-wrote it. I'm right there in the gutter with you.


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> I don't hate my ex. In fact, I went out for drinks with Mr. Ex Jelly last week. He was a huge part of my life for a long time and eventhough we parted ways, he is a very special man and I only wish him the best.
> 
> I think holding onto the hatred long-term is a sign of negativity and not conducive to moving on.
> 
> It is really hard to get past the point where you feel indifferent though. Especially after a divorce.


I definitely have not reached indifference. Maybe about him, yes but but his idiot behaviour towards my daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oldfaithful

Boottothehead said:


> I guess she's run through all the guys who are into bbw on craigslist Tulsa and needs to find some fresh meat. It sucks, because when this fails, she'll get extra biotchier towards us and start coming up with reasons to deny visitation again.


What surgery is she having?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> D'oh! I wrote emotional intimacy, when I meant to write physical intimacy. (He denied me emotional intimacy, too, but that's a slightly separate topic.)
> 
> I didn't totally understand some of the responses I got, and now I see why...


I was confused about what you wrote too. But I replied as if you were talking about the deed.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> What's wrong, Unsure?
> 
> Do I need to hug you into my bosom?


YESSSSSS  

ooo sexy jelly-unsure hug






life is sad sometimes, bad things happen to good people


----------



## Jellybeans

Aww I sorry, Unsure. I hope your day gets better.


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Dude, I haven't had sex in over 21 months. It would be over 3 years if it weren't for a horny blonde cougar who unbeknownst to me used me to get back at her big black angry boyfriend. Not everyone here is having sex, and not everyone is having as much fun as they claim. Some of us are still reeling.
> 
> Dolly and Unsure kinda rub it in, but they're geeky girls who finally blossomed into beautiful bombshells. You can let them have that one.


You're not alone, muskrat - I'm rounding out month 22 of celibacy, but it might as well be month 32, considering how infrequently my XH would touch me.

Don't let it get you down, it will happen eventually, and when it does, it will be AWESOME!


----------



## Boottothehead

Oldfaithful said:


> What surgery is she having?


Gastric bypass. I don't think she has it scheduled yet -we haven't been graciously given any extra time with skiddo out of the goodness of her heart. I do feel badly for her though. She really has a lot of unresolved issues, including anger towards my husband, and I can see her self-sabotaging in a number of ways.


----------



## Oldfaithful

Boottothehead said:


> Gastric bypass. I don't think she has it scheduled yet -we haven't been graciously given any extra time with skiddo out of the goodness of her heart. I do feel badly for her though. She really has a lot of unresolved issues, including anger towards my husband, and I can see her self-sabotaging in a number of ways.



She will have to get a psych eval and go through a LOT of assessments and sometimes they have to do a six month diet first.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I don't hate my ex. In fact, I went out for drinks with Mr. Ex Jelly last week. He was a huge part of my life for a long time and eventhough we parted ways, he is a very special man and I only wish him the best.
> 
> I think holding onto the hatred long-term is a sign of negativity and not conducive to moving on.
> 
> It is really hard to get past the point where you feel indifferent though. Especially after a divorce.


:iagree:

When he is going through rough times, real or imaginary, i feel great compassion for me.

Yes, that is the co dependent in me.
He is dating, he is doing fine, he is great! No more Mrs. Nice Ne!


----------



## Boottothehead

Oldfaithful said:


> She will have to get a psych eval and go through a LOT of assessments and sometimes they have to do a six month diet first.


Not my problem or concern. My loyalty is to my husband and his daughter. The only reason I know or care that she's doing this is that when she fails, she'll take it out on them. I'd like for her to succeed, to be happy like we are, but I don't think this will fix what's wrong with her internally.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> LOL I haven't heard his voice or seen him in person since Aug of 2012. Last correspondence was through email last July when he told me he was moving out of the house he was awarded in the divorce and I was free to do whatever I wanted with it. We are both still on the mortgage as well as the deed. He was supposed to make his best attempt to refinance to get my name off of it by 2015. He didn't, he abandoned it, so I've got a great case of contempt against him.
> 
> Anyways, quick backstory - he cheated with a co-worker, was in the middle of the affair when we bought said house above, told me he wanted a divorce, I stepped out with a ONS, we tried to "R" (pre-TAM)...thought we were good. 5yrs later he starts up an EA with another coworker. I left. He was re-married to wife #3 less than 2 weeks after the divorce was final, less than 6 months from when I moved out.
> 
> Oh he cheated on his first wife with me so not sure why I was expecting the relationship to work. Yes, I am an OW/WS/BS.


Sounds like a narcissist. 

Narcissists put people on pedestals and then get bored with them very quickly and start to devalue them or and turn on them while they look for another play thing. To them you're like a cheap Mcdonalds toy they only play with for a little while, and they never do much of anything to show anyone love... That's too much work. 

These men and women tend to have lots and lots of affairs and marriages and just a wake of broken hearts along the way.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Sounds like a narcissist.
> 
> Narcissists put people on pedestals and then get bored with them very quickly and start to devalue them or and turn on them while they look for another play thing. To them you're like a cheap Mcdonalds toy they only play with for a little while, and they never do much of anything to show anyone love... That's too much work.
> 
> These men and women tend to have lots and lots of affairs and marriages and just a wake of broken hearts along the way.


Oh he is a total narcissist, and I think very well full NPD. 

Its funny, b/c those people seem to be the most insecure.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> That ladies and gents, will be the headline for my dating profile...


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I just have one question.
> 
> *Can I f*ck it?:smthumbup:*
> 
> Can I do freaky things with her ear holes? What's that???? Oh she said yes.... Well, this is going to be a fun night.:rofl:


I am obviously not a guy, but that was my first thought.... am I a lesbian? :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am obviously not a guy, but that was my first thought.... am I a lesbian? :scratchhead:


Maybe after 5 drinks and someone like Unsure puts you up to it.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Sounds like a narcissist.
> 
> Narcissists put people on pedestals and then get bored with them very quickly and start to devalue them or and turn on them while they look for another play thing. To them you're like a cheap Mcdonalds toy they only play with for a little while, and they never do much of anything to show anyone love... That's too much work.
> 
> These men and women tend to have lots and lots of affairs and marriages and just a wake of broken hearts along the way.



That's probably one of the best descriptions I've heard yet. Sorry you have to put up with that Vi. Glad you are over that ass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh he is a total narcissist, and I think very well full NPD.
> 
> Its funny, b/c those people seem to be the most insecure.


That's all those people are. Narcissists and borderlines are just super insecure people protected by a superficial delusional shell. 

Now that we're talking about how bad our exes are. Mine was a BPD waif who really liked to use the victim act to lure in new men by telling them how much better they were that her meanie exes. She got married to the OM as soon as she could and put a lot of weight in just a short time. This after I tried for years to get her active and eating right with me. She had GERD so she couldn't eat certain foods, but she did because she's a child. 

Anyways she ended up driving him away with her crazy and now all she wrights about on FB is bullsh!t feminist blanket statements about how women should be treated, virtues about being kind that she doesn't even follow herself, and flagrant BS about how she's super excited for marathons and bike rides. She's still fat and stuffing herself into painted on jeans and acting like an arrogant teenager. Except when she's single she diets so she can lure in the next guy and start eating again.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> That's all those people are. Narcissists and borderlines are just super insecure people protected by a superficial delusional shell.
> 
> Now that we're talking about how bad our exes are. Mine was a BPD waif who really liked to use the victim act to lure in new men by telling them how much better they were that her meanie exes. She got married to the OM as soon as she could and put a lot of weight in just a short time. This after I tried for years to get her active and eating right with me. She had GERD so she couldn't eat certain foods, but she did because she's a child.
> 
> Anyways she ended up driving him away with her crazy and now all she wrights about on FB is bullsh!t feminist blanket statements about how women should be treated, virtues about being kind that she doesn't even follow herself, and flagrant BS about how she's super excited for marathons and bike rides. She's still fat and stuffing herself into painted on jeans and acting like an arrogant teenager. Except when she's single she diets so she can lure in the next guy and start eating again.:rofl:


Mine was perfect... haha jk.

He was not perfect, but I loved him very much. All in all, i am happy for the times we were together. I am happy he gets to live his life the way he always wanted (without me).

I am healing, I hold no ill feelings towards him.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> That's all those people are. Narcissists and borderlines are just super insecure people protected by a superficial delusional shell.
> 
> Now that we're talking about how bad our exes are. Mine was a BPD waif who really liked to use the victim act to lure in new men by telling them how much better they were that her meanie exes. She got married to the OM as soon as she could and put a lot of weight in just a short time. This after I tried for years to get her active and eating right with me. She had GERD so she couldn't eat certain foods, but she did because she's a child.
> 
> Anyways she ended up driving him away with her crazy and now all she wrights about on FB is bullsh!t feminist blanket statements about how women should be treated, virtues about being kind that she doesn't even follow herself, and flagrant BS about how she's super excited for marathons and bike rides. She's still fat and stuffing herself into painted on jeans and acting like an arrogant teenager. Except when she's single she diets so she can lure in the next guy and start eating again.:rofl:


:iagree: that's my exwife to. 

Oh yeah nothing is ever her fault, she has this special way of being helpless so you are forced to make a decision or take care of whatever and then when she sabotages the whole thing she blames it all on you because well I was the one taking care of it so it is obviously my fault...oh yeah and because I am forced to take care of everything I am now considered controlling and abusive.

Think about it like this...your going to laugh at this one...it's really funny lol
Say you go to a restaurant and my exwife can't make up her mind between a few different meals and asks your opinion. It turns out it's not a very good meal. Guess who's fault it is and how much you ruined the night because your such an ******* and controlling, always telling her what to do...
"I never would have ordered that ****ty meal if you didn't recommend it, look at what you did you ruined a perfectly good evening"...

Doesn't that just sound absolutely insane?! :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> What I'm completely honest with a woman and tell her I'm not planning on having with her, but I'm down with cunnilingus.
> 
> Is that being too honest?


That is perfect!

Some guy i have been texting invited me to his home for lunch??
:scratchhead::scratchhead:??

Seriously?
I so need to get off tinder... or dont expect much. Just fun!!


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> That is perfect!
> 
> Some guy i have been texting invited me to his home for lunch??
> :scratchhead::scratchhead:??
> 
> Seriously?
> I so need to get off tinder... or dont expect much. Just fun!!


If your left leg was lunch and your right leg was dinner, would you mind if I ate between meals?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Mine was perfect... haha jk.
> 
> He was not perfect, but I loved him very much. All in all, i am happy for the times we were together. I am happy he gets to live his life the way he always wanted (*without me*).
> 
> I am healing, I hold no ill feelings towards him.


Awww 

I gotta say there is only a handful of people in the world that I can not be happy for... my exwife is one of them. She could trip and fall on her face all day long and I wouldn't give a ****.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> If your left leg was lunch and your right leg was dinner, would you mind if I ate between meals?


:rofl: 
Is that what he wanted? I love food, my mind is in the fridge... I am a sucker for a free meal


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> I just have one question.
> 
> Can I f*ck it?:smthumbup:
> 
> Can I do freaky things with her ear holes? What's that???? Oh she said yes.... Well, this is going to be a fun night.:rofl:


Because it's just necessary to state the obvious....


----------



## Boottothehead

Another Planet said:


> :
> 
> Oh yeah nothing is ever her fault, she has this special way of being helpless so you are forced to make a decision or take care of whatever and then when she sabotages the whole thing she blames it all on you because well I was the one taking care of it so it is obviously my fault...oh yeah and because I am forced to take care of everything I am now considered controlling and abusive
> 
> Doesn't that just sound absolutely insane?! :scratchhead:


That's my husband's ex too!
Quick show of hands- how many people has this psycho been married to?:rofl:


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Awww
> 
> I gotta say there is only a handful of people in the world that I can not be happy for... my exwife is one of them. She could trip and fall on her face all day long and I wouldn't give a ****.



I hear ya...I try not to think that way and it's painful when I have to say to my daughter "don't talk about your father that way" but in my head I'm like "oh yeah I agree". he just gets stupider and stupider every day. The last weekend she was with him he threatened to put her thru a wall...but "he didn't mean it that way"...shes only 6 for craps sake. when sh*t like that happens I cannot do anything but hate him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> That is perfect!
> 
> Some guy i have been texting invited me to his home for lunch??
> :scratchhead::scratchhead:??
> 
> Seriously?
> I so need to get off tinder... or dont expect much. Just fun!!


You are too good for this Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am bullsh*t Ne...and to be honest just from what I have read here...I don't think you're built for it. Don't waste your golden p*ssy on @ssbags looking for one thing only. I am afraid that no matter what you tell yourself going into it, you will leave feeling like crap once the ego boost runs it's course.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> I hear ya...I try not to think that way and it's painful when I have to say to my daughter "don't talk about your father that way" but in my head I'm like "oh yeah I agree". he just gets stupider and stupider every day. The last weekend she was with him he threatened to put her thru a wall...but "he didn't mean it that way"...shes only 6 for craps sake. when sh*t like that happens I cannot do anything but hate him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I used to bite my tongue too about my daughter's dad, but it didnt matter, she figured him out a few years ago and spouts off to me about him!


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> I hear ya...I try not to think that way and it's painful when I have to say to my daughter "don't talk about your father that way" but in my head I'm like "oh yeah I agree". he just gets stupider and stupider every day. The last weekend she was with him he threatened to put her thru a wall...but "he didn't mean it that way"...shes only 6 for craps sake. when sh*t like that happens I cannot do anything but hate him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WHAT!?! what! just what! wtf threatening physical abuse! 

Yesterday I pick my kids up from school and it's like 30deg out. My son is wearing shorts and a light jacket?! He also has a cold, cough and runny nose... So of course I ask my son why he was wearing shorts and a light jacket and kind of scold him, my kids tell me they don't have any clean clothes at the moment so shorts is all he had?! So I ask why they don't have clothes and they tell me because mom is very busy atm with everything and that new guy keeps her really busy..... are you kidding me?! Children first!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! I'm sure CPS would be really interested to know this.
> 
> Take as many pics, video, and everything you can there AP.


See I don't want to but it's honestly like moving in that direction, it sucks.
I keep track on my calendar of everything, even down to when they bathe because supposedly they don't very often at their moms because the water is contaminated?! wtf is that about? We live in the burbs, she even deeper then I do what is it contaminated with, fertilizers and pesticides maybe?


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> WHAT!?! what! just what! wtf threatening physical abuse!
> 
> Yesterday I pick my kids up from school and it's like 30deg out. My son is wearing shorts and a light jacket?! He also has a cold, cough and runny nose... So of course I ask my son why he was wearing shorts and a light jacket and kind of scold him, my kids tell me they don't have any clean clothes at the moment so shorts is all he had?! So I ask why they don't have clothes and they tell me because mom is very busy atm with everything and that new guy keeps her really busy..... are you kidding me?! Children first!



I know, like I said he doesn't see it that way. "She pushed me first". Seriously??

And that's really sad about your kids that they actually SEE mum is too busy for them because of bf. That's really sad 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> You are too good for this Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am bullsh*t Ne...and to be honest just from what I have read here...I don't think you're built for it. Don't waste your golden p*ssy on @ssbags looking for one thing only. I am afraid that no matter what you tell yourself going into it, you will leave feeling like crap once the ego boost runs it's course.


Agree
You get me, sometimes I get tired of being a prune... but I do know myself. I would hate my self in the morning. I definitely would not go to someone's house alone. I am too cautious, they could be a freaking serial killer!


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Agree
> You get me, sometimes I get tired of being a prune... but I do know myself. I would hate my self in the morning. I definitely would not go to someone's house alone. I am too cautious, they could be a freaking serial killer!


Agree!! I let a complete stranger into my house once...won't happen again. he didn't turn out to be a serial killer (obviously lol) but he did turn out to be a dou*he. 

Do you have a lot of girlfriends NE?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Happy Friday everyone!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> :iagree: that's my exwife to.
> 
> Oh yeah nothing is ever her fault, she has this special way of being helpless so you are forced to make a decision or take care of whatever and then when she sabotages the whole thing she blames it all on you because well I was the one taking care of it so it is obviously my fault...oh yeah and because I am forced to take care of everything I am now considered controlling and abusive.
> 
> Think about it like this...your going to laugh at this one...it's really funny lol
> Say you go to a restaurant and my exwife can't make up her mind between a few different meals and asks your opinion. It turns out it's not a very good meal. Guess who's fault it is and how much you ruined the night because your such an ******* and controlling, always telling her what to do...
> "I never would have ordered that ****ty meal if you didn't recommend it, look at what you did you ruined a perfectly good evening"...
> 
> Doesn't that just sound absolutely insane?! :scratchhead:


That kinda sounds like my ex too. He could never apologize or take responsibility. Towards the end of our marriage, I thought everything was my fault. I would literally cry when he was unhappy....

I thank God, I got the courage to leave. We are both happier now. 
Even with all that, I have no ill feelings towards him... residual love? residual stupidity because I was conditioned to believed I ruined his life when we got married?

Now, I do not want to go back. He can have all his little girlfriends, he can have all the EAs he wants. 
I wish him no harm because of Karma haha....


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> Agree!! I let a complete stranger into my house once...won't happen again. he didn't turn out to be a serial killer (obviously lol) but he did turn out to be a dou*he.
> 
> Do you have a lot of girlfriends NE?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Long distance girlfriends. I have a job, but am sort of homeless atm. 
But I can always pick up the phone and call them, always there for me.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> That kinda sounds like my ex too. He could never apologize or take responsibility. Towards the end of our marriage, I thought everything was my fault. I would literally cry when he was unhappy....
> 
> I thank God, I got the courage to leave. We are both happier now.
> Even with all that, I have no ill feelings towards him... residual love? residual stupidity because I was conditioned to believed I ruined his life when we got married?
> 
> Now, I do not want to go back. He can have all his little girlfriends, he can have all the EAs he wants.
> I wish him no harm because of Karma haha....


Sounds exactly like my marriage, NE. I don't necessarily wish him ill will, but I know he'll bring it on himself... and I think he totally deserves the misery. But I don't actively WISH it on him


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Sounds more like mom is late on the water bill, or reading too much into some hippie BS and scarring her children away from bathing due to fluoride contamination.
> 
> How old are they? Maybe you can lie and convince them soap kills water contamination in from the faucet.


No shes just ***in lazy...she makes excuses for everything and she really doesn't care for anyone but herself. 
The only reason why she even fought me for any custody is because she doesn't want to look like her own mother, her and her siblings were removed by CPS and went through the system.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> I know, like I said he doesn't see it that way. *"She pushed me first"*. Seriously??
> 
> And that's really sad about your kids that they actually SEE mum is too busy for them because of bf. That's really sad
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope that's just like a bad joke or something and even at that :/

Yeah I don't need much help in making her look bad she does a fine job of it herself unfortunately. Her "poor me" mentality is backfiring, like I give a ship...like I said she can keep fckn her life up cause it just makes her look worse and worse. Just wish my kids weren't involved


----------



## Another Planet

For the other grammar Nazis...although whoever wrote it still sounds like a retard but the point comes across


----------



## Nsweet

Oh an AP, if she's as bad as you say she's probably going to fight you tooth and nail in court for child support. But once she's lost that right she will most likely forget about her children and move onto starting up a new family with her next target. 

Remember what I said about narcissists acting like children with new toys? They do the same with their very own children as they do with exes. They get bored and cold-heartedly drop them for some other new shiny thing that interests them at the moment... Like a toy dog or a pregnancy she can boast about on facebook. 

With borderlines this doesn't happen as much, even though they have a narcissistic side. There is still a care-taking side and they do have a mothering instinct, just it's not as well rounded as they would like you to believe. Borderline women are more likely to dote on others.


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> Lol, I'm not bitter at all (anymore, trust me I was for a very loooooooong time). Its just my opinion. I could be wrong. He could like the cat and the duplex now, I dunno (and don't care lol). It was just something he would never ever do when we were together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah my ex iiis the same . Everything she's done and doing is everything she said she'd never do. Even the om is the total opposite to what she's always liked.

l mean call it whatever we like who cares but the thing is , you build your lives, your choices, what you have , do, feelings , everything for each other going on what you both are or aren't , say we do or we don't.
So it's like it was all a lie .


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Long distance girlfriends. I have a job, but am sort of homeless atm.
> But I can always pick up the phone and call them, always there for me.



Not the same as friends that are close by, could help you. I don't have a lot of friends either and recently had to let a few go because they were too linked with ex. Perhaps if you had girlfriends you could hang out with you wouldn't need the attention from men so much?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Awww
> 
> I gotta say there is only a handful of people in the world that I can not be happy for... my exwife is one of them. She could trip and fall on her face all day long and I wouldn't give a ****.


Hey AP, I am right there with you. I haven't even reached the stage of indifference. I'd be damn delighted to have seen the trip.


----------



## whitehawk

Don't worry hell of a lot of hypocritical women out there too , l'm gobsmacked.
But with our ex's l don't think it's about what they truly like or never did like before.
lt's about forgetting their so called standards and the haze and fog they're in. Because they've decided we're not for them anymore so they don't wanna know the rest . lt becomes denial and just about whatever can get them through for now l reckon.


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> Not the same as friends that are close by, could help you. I don't have a lot of friends either and recently had to let a few go because they were too linked with ex. Perhaps if you had girlfriends you could hang out with you wouldn't need the attention from men so much?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are right
It is difficult for me to make friends, either male or female. I sort of like being by myself. At 36, most women I can relate to are already married and raising children.

Like i mentioned before, i am sort of homeless, looking to get a place close to where I work by next month. 

You are right in one aspect, I have been "hanging" out with my nieces and their friends for the last couple of months, when I am around them, the desire to get attention is not present. Problem is, they live about two hours away from me. As does the rest of my family.
This is my daily schedule:
Wake up, go to work, exercise for an hour, get off work, watch tv/lounge on bed/text/look at tinder, to to sleep......


----------



## Another Planet

Ok I am going to be completely honest.
 I am not to sure whats going on but...I think she really really likes me...like really really :scratchhead: 
I couldn't make it to her place tonight because of no sitter but I will have one tomorrow and we are talking about hanging out tomorrow and now planning for next weekend. 

This makes me feel really weird but I am also totally cool with it cause I have set my boundaries and shared my goals and let her know how it is...and yet she is ok with it all...


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Ok I am going to be completely honest.
> I am not to sure whats going on but...I think she really really likes me...like really really :scratchhead:
> I couldn't make it to her place tonight because of no sitter but I will have one tomorrow and we are talking about hanging out tomorrow and now planning for next weekend.
> 
> This makes me feel really weird but I am also totally cool with it cause I have set my boundaries and shared my goals and let her know how it is...and yet she is ok with it all...


Let her take care of her own feelings, as long as you were honest.

And have fun.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Let her take care of her own feelings, as long as you were honest.
> 
> And have fun.


"Let her take care of her own feelings".....hmm I get it.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Ok I am going to be completely honest.
> I am not to sure whats going on but...I think she really really likes me...like really really :scratchhead:
> I couldn't make it to her place tonight because of no sitter but I will have one tomorrow and we are talking about hanging out tomorrow and now planning for next weekend.
> 
> This makes me feel really weird but I am also totally cool with it cause I have set my boundaries and shared my goals and let her know how it is...and yet she is ok with it all...


awww, AP your behavior is so cute!


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> ...I think she really really likes me...like really really :scratchhead:
> ...
> This makes me feel really weird but I am also totally cool with it cause I have set my boundaries and shared my goals and let her know how it is...and yet she is ok with it all...


Why does it make you feel weird? Do you think she cares more about you than you want her to? Or, are you worried that you will somehow hurt or disappoint her?

If you've been clear about what you want, what you expect, and what you're willing to give, then there's nothing to worry about. It took you guys a while to meet because the timing hasn't been good earlier, right? So, she will probably be likely to do what she's comfortable with and express what she isn't okay with. As long as you aren't taking advantage of her stronger feelings, you're being a good guy.


----------



## moxy

Tonight was about going to the gym, grading some papers, and just enjoying a bit of solitude and music on the balcony. I considered visiting my family, but needed a bit of time alone. Sometimes, it feels good to not have to worry about anyone else, to let go and relax.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Tonight was about going to the gym, grading some papers, and just enjoying a bit of solitude and music on the balcony. I considered visiting my family, but needed a bit of time alone. Sometimes, it feels good to not have to worry about anyone else, to let go and relax.


Tonight is about drinking a cold LandShark beer and watching Lost... I love it!
Oh and posting here too!


----------



## Nsweet

Candygram. 

Candygram!

LANDSHARK!:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Candygram.
> 
> Candygram!
> 
> LANDSHARK!:rofl:


I am smiling like a fool because I don't get it


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am smiling like a fool because I don't get it


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Land_Shark_(Saturday_Night_Live)

Land Shark | Free Video Clips | SPIKE


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Tonight is about drinking a cold LandShark beer and watching Lost... I love it!
> Oh and posting here too!


That sounds fun, too. I don't generally drink beer, though. I would drink something fizzy and sugary.


----------



## ne9907

ugh... I promise a good friend of mine I would play candy crush sage so I can send her lives.....

The things I do

I played for a bit and yeah, CandyCrush is not fun!


----------



## ne9907

Very quiet here

I am done with Tinder btw, If I see another d!ck picture, I will scream....
they start very nice, conversation is entertaining and boom.... d!ck alert. 
I deleted Tinder.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Why does it make you feel weird? Do you think she cares more about you than you want her to? Or, are you worried that you will somehow hurt or disappoint her?
> 
> If you've been clear about what you want, what you expect, and what you're willing to give, then there's nothing to worry about. It took you guys a while to meet because the timing hasn't been good earlier, right? So, she will probably be likely to do what she's comfortable with and express what she isn't okay with. As long as you aren't taking advantage of her stronger feelings, you're being a good guy.


I don't know...she likes me, like actually likes me it's kind of a weird feeling. I am use to having women have a quick infatuation with me and nothing should come of it but this isn't like that, shes soft with it and understanding it's just different...I'm not use to it.
I definitely don't want to hurt her and I do have intentions of being more and going further with her.

Yeah it took us forever to meet and she told me the whole thing surprised her in the end. Yesterday she told me she actually respects that we took so long and that even when we finally met and we had a great time I walked her out to her car and was all gentlemanly said good night and she gave me a big hug then parted ways.
It's all cool


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Very quiet here
> 
> I am done with Tinder btw, If I see another d!ck picture, I will scream....
> they start very nice, conversation is entertaining and boom.... d!ck alert.
> I deleted Tinder.


That's what happens when you talk to immature guys.

Little boys show their penises to girls in the hopes of impressing them. 

Grown men know you have to at least fake a conversation and take her on a few dates first. 

Experienced men with game.... Well, lets just say there's a way to make you want to see his penis without ever whipping it out or talking about it.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> awww, AP your behavior is so cute!


Lol why cute


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> That's what happens when you talk to immature guys.
> 
> Little boys show their penises to girls in the hopes of impressing them.
> 
> Grown men know you have to at least fake a conversation and take her on a few dates first.
> 
> Experienced men with game.... Well, lets just say there's a way to make you want to see his penis without ever whipping it out or talking about it.


:rofl:

that was actually very funny!

EDIT: Has anyone a Match account I can borrow? I don't want to show my real pictures and I definitely do not want to pay haha.... I am a cheapskate


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Lol why cute


because you are acting like a high schooler with a crush


----------



## bandit.45

I got drawn for elk! Hell fvckin' yeah! Who hoo!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> because you are acting like a high schooler with a crush


Lol...I guess...shes being worse then me and it's hard for me to hold her back. I personally would rather see it slower cause it doesn't make sense to go so fast right away.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I got drawn for elk! Hell fvckin' yeah! Who hoo!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


landshark must be slowing my thought process..... I don't get it. Could you please explain?


----------



## Nsweet

I think he's talking about an elk lodge. It's a men's club.


----------



## Another Planet

I figured out today my project truck might as well go all the way, it costs about the same anyway so I guess I'll just slam it bag it and drag some frame...sounds fun


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> landshark must be slowing my thought process..... I don't get it. Could you please explain?


I'm an elk hunter. Here in AZ we put in for a "draw", a lottery, to get a tag to legally hunt elk. 

If all goes according to plan, and I don't miss, I will have about 600 pounds of elk meat in my freezer come this November. 

Sorry. Back to your dating talk... Just needed to tell someone. Muskrat would appreciate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I figured out today my project truck might as well go all the way, it costs about the same anyway so I guess I'll just slam it bag it and drag some frame...sounds fun


My project will be to write again. I must remember to download MSword this weekend.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I'm an elk hunter. Here in AZ we put in for a "draw", a lottery, to get a tag to legally hunt elk.
> 
> If all goes according to plan, and I don't miss, I will have about 600 pounds of elk meat in my freezer come this November.
> 
> Sorry. Back to your dating talk... Just needed to tell someone. Muskrat would appreciate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup:

That is pretty awesome!
I once went deer hunting and would like to do it again!
Hunting is fun!


----------



## Nsweet

So...... This is what the divorced non-sex-having people talk about on Friday nights. God, it's like we're virgins again. 

Hey everybody lets play Dungeons & Dragons and leaf through teen people while we eat pizza and drink sodas.:rofl:

Oh that's right, we're adults now. 

In that case we can play WOW and do vodka and red bull or jello shots all night. Maybe spark a bowl and watch celebrity sex tapes.:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I figured out today my project truck might as well go all the way, it costs about the same anyway so I guess I'll just slam it bag it and drag some frame...sounds fun


What year and model?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> I'm an elk hunter. Here in AZ we put in for a "draw", a lottery, to get a tag to legally hunt elk.
> 
> If all goes according to plan, and I don't miss, I will have about 600 pounds of elk meat in my freezer come this November.
> 
> Sorry. Back to your dating talk... Just needed to tell someone. Muskrat would appreciate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In that case you better post some pics of any elk dishes you make for the dinner thread.

Seriously, it would be really cool to see how many ways you can prepare elk meat.:smthumbup:

Does anyone remember the wooly mammoth episode of Northern Exposure?


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> So...... This is what the divorced non-sex-having people talk about on Friday nights. God, it's like we're virgins again.
> 
> Hey everybody lets play Dungeons & Dragons and leaf through teen people while we eat pizza and drink sodas.:rofl:
> 
> Oh that's right, we're adults now.
> 
> In that case we can play WOW and do vodka and red bull or jello shots all night. Maybe spark a bowl and watch celebrity sex tapes.:smthumbup:


I am out of landsharks, so drinking coronas, watching lost and sharing my joy with you all!

"Your momma is so dumb, she brought a spoon to the superbowl" lol


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am out of landsharks, so drinking coronas, watching lost and sharing my joy with you all!
> 
> "Your momma is so dumb, she brought a spoon to the superbowl" lol


You should have gotten some Arrogant Bastards.
ArrogantBastard.com

Oh that's right, you quit Tinder.:rofl:

"Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!"


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> In that case you better post some pics of any elk dishes you make for the dinner thread.
> 
> Seriously, it would be really cool to see how many ways you can prepare elk meat.:smthumbup:
> 
> Does anyone remember the wooly mammoth episode of Northern Exposure?


Yes I remember that episode! LOL! God that was a great show! Anything you can make with beef you can substitute with elk. It's leaner, has no steroids or additives, tastes incredible and is harvested from a happy bull who just spent a season banging a harem of cows. 

I'll send you some sage and black pepper elk jerky Nsweet. You'll want to eat a pound of it at a sitting its so good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Yes I remember that episode! LOL! God that was a great show! Anything you can make with beef you can substitute with elk. It's leaner, has no steroids or additives, tastes incredible and is harvested from a happy bull who just spent a season banging a harem of cows.
> 
> *I'll send you some sage and black pepper elk jerky Nsweet. You'll want to eat a pound of it at a sitting its so good.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


REALLY!?

Oh god I would love that. 

I love all these weird foods and I will eat anything if it's seasoned and tasty. Bugs included.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> "Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!"


:rofl: brilliant! 



bandit.45 said:


> Yes I remember that episode! LOL! God that was a great show! Anything you can make with beef you can substitute with elk. It's leaner, has no steroids or additives, tastes incredible and is harvested from a happy bull who just spent a season banging a harem of cows.
> 
> I'll send you some sage and black pepper elk jerky Nsweet. You'll want to eat a pound of it at a sitting its so good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh I want some elk jerky!! Please?


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> What year and model?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


2002 GMC sonoma. It's been in my hands for awhile as a work truck and I wanted to sell it but no one wants to pay anymore then a couple grand so I figured I might as well do it up as a fun project. 
Going to cut it up notch the frame and lay it out.


----------



## Nsweet

NE are you British now?


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> 2002 GMC sonoma. It's been in my hands for awhile as a work truck and I wanted to sell it but no one wants to pay anymore then a couple grand so I figured I might as well do it up as a fun project.
> Going to cut it up notch the frame and lay it out.


Is it a 4x4?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> NE are you British now?


wannabe, love.

btw
I cant get the liquid arrogance in Cali! bollocks!


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Is it a 4x4?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


God no...I would never lower a 4x4....it's either up in the air for 4wheel or down low for the 2wheel


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> God no...I would never lower a 4x4....it's either up in the air for 4wheel or down low for the 2wheel


Oh you're lowering it! I see. Are you gonna put hydraulics on it. Make it dance?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> wannabe, love.
> 
> btw
> I cant get the liquid arrogance in Cali! bollocks!


After the thing's Dolly has done to me. I'm a little British now too. 

Must be a regional beer. 

I'll bet you can get a hold of miracle berry tablets and go wine tasting or sampling chocolates.


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Very quiet here
> 
> I am done with Tinder btw, If I see another d!ck picture, I will scream....
> they start very nice, conversation is entertaining and boom.... d!ck alert.
> I deleted Tinder.


Good for you. I am sure that took a lot of guts!! I have 2 friends who met their husbands on e-harmony and they are terrific guys. You deserve and can do a lot better than what you have been getting on Tinder. It seriously sounds like a place for sleezebags!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

lf the girls are getting that does the mean the guys get flooded with [email protected] pics l wonder ?
Not that l want any l like to know who owns mine , just wondering :scratchhead:
Been wondering about Tinder .

For a genuine relationship stuff though yep l'd join one of the better date sites too . Mines been very good so far, really surprised me .


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Very quiet here
> 
> I am done with Tinder btw, If I see another d!ck picture, I will scream....
> they start very nice, conversation is entertaining and boom.... d!ck alert.
> I deleted Tinder.


Why do you give them your number so soon before finding out what they are about?

You can't send pics through Tinder....and guys that ask for your number immediately usually only want to send d!ck pics or to hook up....

I talked with disc golf hat through the app for about 2 weeks before giving him my number.


----------



## whitehawk

Doesn't Tinder work through Face Book or something. From what l could understand it sounded like a bit of a worry to me , especially for girls.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Doesn't Tinder work through Face Book or something. From what l could understand it sounded like a bit of a worry to me , especially for girls.


No, it uses information from your FB profile and that's it. It doesn't post to FB, doesn't do anything to your FB besides pull your age, sex, profile pics, about me section, friends and interests/likes. It's a quick chat program that doesn't allow pics to be sent through it. 

You see if you have any common friends with the person, how many likes you have in common and how many profile pics they have. Either you click yes you like their profile or no you don't. Can't message until someone you liked likes you back. No notifications that someone has liked your profile, only when there is a match.


----------



## familyfirst09

Oh its linked to your fb account??? That doesn't sound safe...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Really people, what is safe now adays with all the spying the NSA does?? Being on FB period is a huge security risk.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> No, it uses information from your FB profile and that's it. It doesn't post to FB, doesn't do anything to your FB besides pull your age, sex, profile pics, about me section, friends and interests/likes. It's a quick chat program that doesn't allow pics to be sent through it.
> 
> You see if you have any common friends with the person, how many likes you have in common and how many profile pics they have. Either you click yes you like their profile or no you don't. Can't message until someone you liked likes you back. No notifications that someone has liked your profile, only when there is a match.



So someone can see friends and where you work if that is in the "about me" section???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Really people, what is safe now adays with all the spying the NSA does?? Being on FB period is a huge security risk.



For me it's about sharing too much information with strangers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Why do you give them your number so soon before finding out what they are about?
> 
> You can't send pics through Tinder....and guys that ask for your number immediately usually only want to send d!ck pics or to hook up....
> 
> I talked with disc golf hat through the app for about 2 weeks before giving him my number.


You might consider PMing NE with this. 

I 100% fully agree with you and I know I've said it before on here. You don't give out your number until you're sure for sure. 

With internet dating you can act quick and try to meet up before the infatuation fades, but that's only with NSA flings. The guys that want you for your personality who are serious about settling down will be more than happy to get to know you before they invest in a trip to meet you in person. 

It also wouldn't be a bad idea to just use skype. It may be a little laggy at times but it's free and crazy people can't harass you as easily.


----------



## vi_bride04

Arg!! I can't even explain it, no one can see any of that stuff at all.

They only see friends that are common between you two (if there are any) They can't see where you work...it pulls in the "about me" description blurb from FB...nothing else.

Pics, and the about me can be changed in Tinder.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Arg!! I can't even explain it, no one can see any of that stuff at all.
> 
> They only see friends that are common between you two (if there are any) They can't see where you work...it pulls in the "about me" description blurb from FB...nothing else.
> 
> Pics, and the about me can be changed in Tinder.



Ahh...lol...ok that sounds better. I have no idea what is in my "about me" section, now I need to go look! Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Ahh...lol...ok that sounds better. I have no idea what is in my "about me" section, now I need to go look! Haha.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha ha ha when I signed up and saw what was in Tinder I was like "huh? Where and when did I write that!?" Ha ha ha, I did change mine as what I have is specific to my friends on FB.

I am pretty private with my FB and didn't find Tinder intrusive at all.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Oh you're lowering it! I see. Are you gonna put hydraulics on it. Make it dance?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol no hydraulics it is actually pneumatics, it's all air. But yes in a sense I could make it "dance" but that's not what I'm after.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Why do you give them your number so soon before finding out what they are about?
> 
> *You can't send pics through Tinder....and guys that ask for your number immediately usually only want to send d!ck pics or to hook up....*
> I talked with disc golf hat through the app for about 2 weeks before giving him my number.


Learning one mistake at a time 

I am rushing into this, I instantly give out my number to whoever asks, it is very needy!! 
One day, I will graduate from the dating 101 class and become a pro!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Learning one mistake at a time
> 
> I am rushing into this, I instantly give out my number to whoever asks, it is very needy!!
> One day, I will graduate from the dating 101 class and become a pro!!


Can I have your number?


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Learning one mistake at a time
> 
> I am rushing into this, I instantly give out my number to whoever asks, it is very needy!!
> One day, I will graduate from the dating 101 class and become a pro!!


Ne you need to come to the Unsure school of dating... I never get d1ck pics from match guys.... never have sex till I want to usually 4 to 6 dates in and never pay for dates...lol

You need to make them work a bit....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Can I have your number?


haha
you are definitely too nice and cute to having to deal with yet another crazy, needy woman.

Because people, have no doubt, I am very NEEDY!!!, I am working on this issue.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Ne you need to come to the Unsure school of dating... I never get d1ck pics from match guys.... never have sex till I want to usually 4 to 6 dates in and never pay for dates...lol
> 
> You need to make them work a bit....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Word!
Taking notes


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> you are definitely too nice and cute to having to deal with yet another crazy, needy woman.
> 
> Because people, have no doubt, I am very NEEDY!!!, I am working on this issue.


Wait did I just get friendzoned? 
I did didn't I! ROFL


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> you are definitely too nice and cute to having to deal with yet another crazy, needy woman.
> 
> Because people, have no doubt, I am very NEEDY!!!, I am working on this issue.


And just like that I'm not interested in the least. 

I like you NE, but I would never ever EVER want to date you romantically. 

I think we should just stay friends for now.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> You might consider PMing NE with this.
> 
> I 100% fully agree with you and I know I've said it before on here. You don't give out your number until you're sure for sure.
> 
> With internet dating you can act quick and try to meet up before the infatuation fades, but that's only with NSA flings. The guys that want you for your personality who are serious about settling down will be more than happy to get to know you before they invest in a trip to meet you in person.
> 
> It also wouldn't be a bad idea to just use skype. It may be a little laggy at times but it's free and crazy people can't harass you as easily.



Yeah absolutely spot on ns . This is why when people say oh you should be meeting you should be meeting well. 
lt costed me 200bucks to go up and spend the day with Pocket Rocket and a day of work because l have my d on the wkends .
Not that l minded , we had a ball and l loved the drive but the point is , 99% of the time you can suss it all out with some talking and emailing first , save yourself a whole lot of trouble and costs . Not to mention a maybe uncomfortable few hrs if you don't like each other.

Personally l like the idea of talking a bit first but then it does work vise verse to l spose . You could waste all that time and effort talking for awhile yet the second you meet - nothin !

Still , l go with talking plenty first myself. And the ones that do just wanna race of and meet up too soon , l dunno , l'm suss of them and their judgment tbh. comes across pretty desperate too. Not a good vibe.


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Yeah absolutely spot on ns . This is why when people say oh you should be meeting you should be meeting well.
> lt costed me 200bucks to go up and spend the day with Pocket Rocket and a day of work because l have my d on the wkends .
> Not that l minded , we had a ball and l loved the drive but the point is , 99% of the time you can suss it all out with some talking and emailing first , save yourself a whole lot of trouble and costs . Not to mention a maybe uncomfortable few hrs if you don't like each other.
> 
> Personally l like the idea of talking a bit first but then it does work vise verse to l spose . You could waste all that time and effort talking for awhile yet the second you meet - nothin !
> 
> Still , l go with talking plenty first myself. And the ones that do just wanna race of and meet up too soon , l dunno , l'm suss of them and their judgment tbh. comes across pretty desperate too. Not a good vibe.



So are you saying that if a woman asks you out that is a turn off?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l know how it sounds but yep it is a bit , can't help it , for me it's just not a good look.
AF was like that , this other one. Very first email she said oh we should call , ok. But when we did straight away she was straight into it , questions , sussing , and then she wanted to meet.
l'm thinking hold your horses girl we haven't even really talked yet . lt did really turn me off to be honest .


----------



## LanieB

familyfirst09 said:


> So are you saying that if a woman asks you out that is a turn off?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FF, would you actually ask a man out on a date?! If you would, then you've got giant girl-balls! :rofl: No way would I ever do that!


----------



## familyfirst09

LanieB said:


> FF, would you actually ask a man out on a date?! If you would, then you've got giant girl-balls! :rofl: No way would I ever do that!



No lol I don't think I could so that is why I was asking. However nowadays you hear about men being attracted to women who are assertive, etc, wouldn't this be considered assertive?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LanieB

familyfirst09 said:


> No lol I don't think I could so that is why I was asking. However nowadays you hear about men being attracted to women who are assertive, etc, wouldn't this be considered assertive?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would say that is VERY assertive!


----------



## whitehawk

l dunno , there's a big thing in her lack of judgement for me to if she is too anxious and l like a girl with judgement.
Only fools rush in and all that stuff !

She should want to suss it out first, feel what's happening if anything between you first , it's just stoopid not to. And she should have enough common sense and sensitivity to know l'm not just rushing off on just anything and l need to suss it out first too.
Girls with poor senses and judgement just really turn me off and usually just seem to ware themselves out with a whole bunch of very [email protected] waste every bodies time dates and quickie dead end relationships .

l'm really surprised at how pushy so soon some of them are .


----------



## ne9907

I had an awesome day!
The other day, someone I know mentioned in passing about a place about two hours from where I am called Fossil falls.
She mentioned it was beautiful and easy climbing.

Today, I got in my car, drove two hours and did a bit of rock climbing! It was awesome!!! I had so much fun!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Wait did I just get friendzoned?
> I did didn't I! ROFL


haha AP


----------



## ne9907

I actually made it all the way to the bottom!


----------



## whitehawk

So are they ne feet there ? :rofl:

l feel sick looking down , not big on heights.

l'm really surprised at some of the women on TAM , hanging round in singles threads and coming outa screw around marriages and stuff. Lots of the guys to actually.

Just goes to show don't it , this [email protected] can happen to anyone .


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I actually made it all the way to the bottom!


That's what he said.


I know it's stupid, but I had to go for it anyways. Big penis joke, in case you missed it.:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I had an awesome day!
> The other day, someone I know mentioned in passing about a place about two hours from where I am called Fossil falls.
> She mentioned it was beautiful and easy climbing.
> 
> Today, I got in my car, drove two hours and did a bit of rock climbing! It was awesome!!! I had so much fun!


NE, that sounds like a lot of fun! Now that it's FINALLY warming up here in the mid-Atlantic (I hope so, anyway, I don't want to jinx it!), I'm hoping to make some more day trips over the weekends.

And guess who just booked a week in Cancun for this time next month? This girl!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> That's what he said.
> 
> 
> I know it's stupid, but I had to go for it anyways. Big penis joke, in case you missed it.:smthumbup:


I have a penis joke too, but some men may take offense ....


----------



## muskrat

The weather today was awesome. Like NE, I had a fantastic day!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have a penis joke too, but some men may take offense ....


Not this guy.


----------



## lisab0105

I've asked out guys before. I approached one who was a customer while I was waitressing, introduced myself, paid him a compliment and asked him if he'd like to go out with me. 

I would seriously laugh in any guys face if he turned me down because that turned him off...Then I would thank him because clearly he can't handle a woman being on top 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

lisab0105 said:


> I've asked out guys before. I approached one who was a customer while I was waitressing, introduced myself, paid him a compliment and asked him if he'd like to go out with me.
> 
> I would seriously laugh in any guys face if he turned me down because that turned him off...Then I would thank him because clearly he can't handle a woman being on top
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been the asker in nearly every single relationship I've had.

If a guy couldn't handle that, he surely wouldn't be able to handle ME


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I have a penis joke too, but some men may take offense ....


ps , meant that as in cute feet to btw 

Don't worry , l got lots of vagina jokes to that l'm pretty sure would have a few women cringing and get me booted offa Tam within a second or two.


----------



## ne9907

What is the world's shortest joke?


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> I've been the asker in nearly every single relationship I've had.
> 
> If a guy couldn't handle that, he surely wouldn't be able to handle ME



But see it's nothing to do with handling "her" or her asking , guys don't care she can ask what she wants that's not it.

lt's all about what l tried to explain earlier and you just confirmed. that in what you said here .

Anyway , see there in lies another problem , if he really wants to go out with her he'll ask don't worry about that unless he's only 12. So 9 times outa 10 she's wasting her time if he doesn't .


----------



## muskrat

I don't agree WH. I would have no issue with a woman asking me out. I can be a little bashful in person, so having her make the first move would be refreshing.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> I would seriously laugh in any guys face
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Has nothing to do with asking someone out, but it does with laughing...

So about the other night with Navy guy.... I laughed when he was kissing me, because the situation seemed very ridiculous to me. Looking back, it was very funny!


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> What is the world's shortest joke?




What does a cup full of cement and a needle and thread have in common ? 

Second thoughts l'm regretting it already l better not get started :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> I've asked out guys before. I approached one who was a customer while I was waitressing, introduced myself, paid him a compliment and asked him if he'd like to go out with me.
> 
> I would seriously laugh in any guys face if he turned me down because that turned him off...Then I would thank him because clearly he can't handle a woman being on top
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



See but you wouldn't even know , you missed the point entirely, l rest my case !


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I don't agree WH. I would have no issue with a woman asking me out. I can be a little bashful in person, so having her make the first move would be refreshing.



Fair enough Rat , there'll be plenty of girls happy about that :smthumbup:
But if you were head over heels mad about her none the less , you would find a way wouldn't you ! For a so so no probably not for for head over heals , tell me you wouldn't do it !
l wasn't trying to speak for everyone but what l was trying to say is very common but anyway , no biggie .


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> haha AP


I think it's funny to be friendzoned 
Any woman can friendzone me all day long, I have a ton of fun with my women friends! Finally we can do something other then worrying about sexing each other up! :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I think it's funny to be friendzoned
> Any woman can friendzone me all day long, I have a ton of fun with my women friends! Finally we can do something other then worrying about sexing each other up! :smthumbup:


Agree
Then you can really find out everything about a person!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Agree
> Then you can really find out everything about a person!


Right on! No pressure just have fun! And IF you do like each other it finds a way no matter, it always does


----------



## Another Planet

Oh and by the way bleacher is fckn awesome...I hope she can rock my world when the time comes, shes got me if that happens!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Right on! No pressure just have fun! And IF you do like each other it finds a way no matter, it always does


ah, I was actually going the total opposite way. The more I find out about someone, the less attractive they seem. For example, if I am friends with someone and they post stupid **** on FB or any other social media, the infatuation goes away!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> ah, I was actually going the total opposite way. The more I find out about someone, the less attractive they seem. For example, if I am friends with someone and they post stupid **** on FB or any other social media, the infatuation goes away!


Whats wrong with that? You learned you don't like them and no commitment no pressure, easy peasy! Ton of fish out there!


----------



## ne9907

So, for my next 4 day weekend, I want to travel to Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. I have a slight problem, google maps will not let me search the distance!! 

I get the following message "Sorry, your search appears to be outside our current coverage area for driving." ??


----------



## Nsweet

Why would anyone want to go to Utah? 


Is it for the sister wives and the prohibition?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> So, for my next 4 day weekend, I want to travel to Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. I have a slight problem, google maps will not let me search the distance!!
> 
> I get the following message "Sorry, your search appears to be outside our current coverage area for driving." ??


My solution would be...just drive, fck it!
Best trip I've had in the last 10 yrs was with my exGF last summer. Went to buy a new puppy for her on the east coast of Michigan, we got the puppy and drove up and down the coast all weekend with the pup stopping wherever we wanted to staying in hotels and eating out...ugggh best time I've had in forever! Soooo much fun


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Why would anyone want to go to Utah?
> 
> 
> Is it for the sister wives and the prohibition?


haha no.. the scenery is breathtaking, salt flats, I just want to go. But I think I will wait until the winter when the salt flats becomes a crystal lake and just camp out, watch the stars, get drunk, and sing country songs


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Why would anyone want to go to Utah?
> 
> 
> Is it for the sister wives and the prohibition?


Scenery and experience. I was talking to bleacher about Iowa and how I go out there to vaca and she was like "to see all the corn"... I'll blow your mind!


----------



## Nsweet

Seriously, come to Texas. We have this weird pseudo California culture in Austin, beautiful scenery (in some parts), and immigrants as far as the eye can see.

And the women down here have curves in all the right places and are just as sweet as can be. Like picture the nicest woman you know and magnify it times ten but wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a big soft booty.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Scenery and experience. I was talking to bleacher about Iowa and how I go out there to vaca and she was like "to see all the corn"... I'll blow your mind!


Iowa is another place I would love to go! I have been to Des Moines but did not get the chance to see much of it.

I will go to Riverside Iowa. Whoever knows the importance of Riverside gets brownie points! Do NOT google it!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Seriously, come to Texas. We have this weird pseudo California culture in Austin, beautiful scenery (in some parts), and immigrants as far as the eye can see.
> 
> And the women down here have curves in all the right places and are just as sweet as can be. Like picture the nicest woman you know and magnify it times ten but wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a big soft booty.


Yum!

K so i'll fly out to pick up NE in Cali and we'll come out to Austin and paint the town for a week or two, I'm down


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> haha no.. the scenery is breathtaking, salt flats, I just want to go. But I think I will wait until the winter when the salt flats becomes a crystal lake and just camp out, watch the stars, get drunk, and sing country songs


If you like the salt flats, you should watch the film "Obselidia".


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Yum!
> 
> K so i'll fly out to pick up NE in Cali and we'll come out to Austin and paint the town for a week or two, I'm down


:iagree:
Only if we go to San Antonio
Oh and I want my girl to be petite and hot!! jk


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Seriously, come to Texas. We have this weird pseudo California culture in Austin, beautiful scenery (in some parts), and immigrants as far as the eye can see.
> 
> And the women down here have curves in all the right places and are just as sweet as can be. Like picture the nicest woman you know and magnify it times ten but wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a big soft booty.


1) Austin is the best place I've lived in or visited in this country. It is just awesome. No question about it. NE, if you haven't been to Austin, I'll second Nsweet's sentiment and say that it's worth visiting.

2) Yes, we Texan women are seriously hot.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Iowa is another place I would love to go! I have been to Des Moines but did not get the chance to see much of it.
> 
> I will go to Riverside Iowa. Whoever knows the importance of Riverside gets brownie points! Do NOT google it!


Please?! I had to drive through it. That's where I'm talking about! Absolutely gorgeous!!! Crazy mountains and then the Mississippi boom awesome. I've been to two weddings in Iowa, Dubuque and De Moines...both awesome!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Please?! I had to drive through it. That's where I'm talking about! Absolutely gorgeous!!! Crazy mountains and then the Mississippi boom awesome. I've been to two weddings in Iowa, Dubuque and De Moines...both awesome!


I did not know about the mountains or the Mississippi river! Wow, an extra pleasant plus!

That is not what I was talking about, but yes. Riverside is on my list.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> Only if we go to San Antonio
> Oh and I want my girl to be petite and hot!!


Wait I'm bringing a girl for you...this makes everything so much more interesting lol
Bleachers slim and like 5/8 is that cool?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> 1) Austin is the best place I've lived in or visited in this country. It is just awesome. No question about it. NE, if you haven't been to Austin, I'll second Nsweet's sentiment and say that it's worth visiting.
> 
> 2) Yes, we Texan women are seriously hot.


If you are still in Texas, we will pick you up! Roadtrip!

I love roadtrips lol


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> If you are still in Texas, we will pick you up! Roadtrip!
> 
> I love roadtrips lol


I live in TX. Sometimes, I party in Austin or Houston or San Antonio.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Wait I'm bringing a girl for you...this makes everything so much more interesting lol
> Bleachers slim and like 5/8 is that cool?


:rofl::rofl:

I don't share


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> I don't share


OHHH you'd like her! Didn't you friendzone me? lol


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> OHHH you'd like her! Didn't you friendzone me? lol


lol, well it seems as if I have backed myself into a corner!

I am NOT into white girls, white guys are different. But you are taken! and yes, I have friendzoned you, wanna be FB friends?

edit! meant to say, NOT into white girls


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> lol, well it seems as if I have backed myself into a corner!
> 
> I am into white girls, white guys are different. But you are taken! and yes, I have friendzoned you, *wanna be FB friends*?


Hardly 

She's white as can be on another note! But she's from the D so it's a different type of white girl.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> Only if we go to San Antonio
> Oh and I want my girl to be petite and hot!! jk


Knew it! I knew you were bisexual. 

My gaydar is spot on!... And the needle points to you being a 5 margarita lesbian. 



ne9907 said:


> lol, well it seems as if I have backed myself into a corner!
> 
> I am into white girls, white guys are different. But you are taken! and yes, I have friendzoned you, wanna be FB friends?


Keep your white girls. Hell, I'll pass em all your way. 

I'm down with the round and brown, slowly making that transition from a Latin ex wife into sistas.:smthumbup: Or backtracking into Asians, I would love that too.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Knew it! I knew you were bisexual.
> 
> My gaydar is spot on!... And the needle points to you being a 5 margarita lesbian.
> 
> 
> Keep your white girls. Hell, I'll pass em all your way.
> 
> I'm down with the round and brown, slowly making that transition from a Latin ex wife into sistas.:smthumbup: Or backtracking into Asians, I would love that too.


haha
I am not a full blown bisexual. Actually, I have never been with a girl. 
Sort of want to experiment. BUT!! I meant to say NOT into white girls.

I honestly find them unattractive....


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Hardly
> 
> She's white as can be on another note! *But she's from the D* so it's a different type of white girl.


What is that?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> I am not a full blown bisexual. Actually, I have never been with a girl.
> Sort of want to experiment. BUT!! I meant to say NOT into white girls.
> 
> I honestly find them unattractive....


Well we will still pick you up and have a good time...for the record shes really charming , she might get you


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> What is that?


The D, Detroit!!!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> The D, Detroit!!!


ohhh 
I bet it would be really fun!
Yeah, pick me up Scotty!~ hint....

Fine I give up!!! 
Riverside Iowa is the birthplace of Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

That is the reason I will go to Riverside Iowa!!!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> I am not a full blown bisexual. Actually, I have never been with a girl.
> Sort of want to experiment. BUT!! I meant to say NOT into white girls.
> 
> I honestly find them unattractive....


But still.... I WAS RIGHT!:smthumbup:


I have you pegged for one of those women who will date a bunch of jerks and then publicly announce that you're through with men, end up dating a few crazy b!tches and "experimenting" with the whole lesbian scene, and then end up meeting a good guy eventually. 

And I say that not to be rude but because I have that seen that happen so many times. Dozens of times from the time I was in high school, to when I lived on the gay street, to as old as I am now. Every time I hear the infamous line "I'm done with guys" I'm like "Yeah, ok. We'll see." 

Odds are if you have a lot of trouble with jerks, you're not going to like the women you pick out. Just saying.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> ohhh
> I bet it would be really fun!
> Yeah, pick me up Scotty!~ hint....
> 
> Fine I give up!!!
> Riverside Iowa is the birthplace of Captain James Tiberius Kirk.
> 
> That is the reason I will go to Riverside Iowa!!!


Oh was I suppose to say that? No when you drive through they make it very APPARENT it's where cap Kirk was born...you can't miss it lol
"Loook here look here!!!", they even have parade an ****!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> But still.... I WAS RIGHT!:smthumbup:
> 
> 
> I have you pegged for one of those women who will date a bunch of jerks and then publicly announce that you're through with men, end up dating a few crazy b!tches and "experimenting" with the whole lesbian scene, and then end up meeting a good guy eventually.
> 
> And I say that not to be rude but because I have that seen that happen so many times. Dozens of times from the time I was in high school, to when I lived on the gay street, to as old as I am now. Every time I hear the infamous line "I'm done with guys" I'm like "Yeah, ok. We'll see."
> 
> Odds are if you have a lot of trouble with jerks, you're not going to like the women you pick out. Just saying.


Well to be frank
I cannot imagine eating a girl out... sounds disgusting, 
BUT I would not mind a woman doing that to me .
I would so totally make out with a woman though.

But I do like penis too much. I love its shape, its texture, everything... and I need to stop imagining IT... haha


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Oh was I suppose to say that? No when you drive through they make it very APPARENT it's where cap Kirk was born...you can't miss it lol
> "Loook here look here!!!", they even have parade an ****!


Captain Kirk is pretty fvcking awesome, just saying


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> But still.... I WAS RIGHT!:smthumbup:
> 
> 
> I have you pegged for one of those women who will date a bunch of jerks and then publicly announce that you're through with men, end up dating a few crazy b!tches and "experimenting" with the whole lesbian scene, and then end up meeting a good guy eventually.
> 
> And I say that not to be rude but because I have that seen that happen so many times. Dozens of times from the time I was in high school, to when I lived on the gay street, to as old as I am now. Every time I hear the infamous line "I'm done with guys" I'm like "Yeah, ok. We'll see."
> 
> Odds are if you have a lot of trouble with jerks, you're not going to like the women you pick out. Just saying.


And that's why I figured we would all have a good time! As long as Nsweet would lighten the fck up! It's all cool boss!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Captain Kirk is pretty fvcking awesome, just saying


Just wait until you see his place it's epic!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Well to be frank
> I cannot imagine eating a girl out... sounds disgusting,
> BUT I would not mind a woman doing that to me .
> I would so totally make out with a woman though.
> 
> But I do like penis too much. I love its shape, its texture, everything... and I need to stop imagining IT... haha


^Said every straight woman ever.

You wanna hear something funny? Dolly has said this exact same thing before. No sh!t, for real.:rofl: 

To be honest with you.... Eating women out is an acquired taste and it's really messy if you do it right. Like your whole nose, mouth, and chin will be sticky. And it's a bit like french kissing and a hot pocket.... Like ridiculously hot compared to what you're used to and narrow, and it can pinch at the right time. And pubes do get in your mouth and stuck in your teeth. FYI and TMI. 

Not so bi-curious now are ya?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Just wait until you see his place it's epic!


I honestly cannot wait!

It is 1826 miles haha... 26 hours drive... or a 4 hour plane ride..


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> ^Said every straight woman ever.
> 
> You wanna hear something funny? Dolly has said this exact same thing before. No sh!t, for real.:rofl:
> 
> To be honest with you.... Eating women out is an acquired taste and it's really messy if you do it right. Like your whole nose, mouth, and chin will be sticky. And it's a bit like french kissing and a hot pocket.... Like ridiculously hot compared to what you're used to and narrow, and it can pinch at the right time. And pubes do get in your mouth and stuck in your teeth. FYI and TMI.
> 
> Not so bi-curious now are ya?


So what you are saying is that I should hire an escort to do all the nasty to me, and I would not have to do anything, right? haha


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> So what you are saying is that I should hire an escort to do all the nasty to me, and I would not have to do anything, right? haha


Or come to Texas. 

You know I have long hair and girlishly good looks. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference between me and a woman in the dark. 

Seriously though, even though an escort, stripper for hire, or professional sounds like a good idea... It never is. Just trust me on this one. It's going to be really awkward and unemotional. That's not exactly going to make you feel any better about you decision.... And it's even worse with a lot of strippers when they kinda regress.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I honestly cannot wait!
> 
> It is 1826 miles haha... 26 hours drive... or a 4 hour plane ride..


It's like literally half the town...don't blink though


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> So what you are saying is that I should hire an escort to do all the nasty to me, and I would not have to do anything, right? haha





Nsweet said:


> Or come to Texas.
> 
> You know I have long hair and girlishly good looks. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference between me and a woman in the dark.
> 
> Seriously though, even though an escort, stripper for hire, or professional sounds like a good idea... It never is. Just trust me on this one. It's going to be really awkward and unemotional. That's not exactly going to make you feel any better about you decision.... And it's even worse with a lot of strippers when they kinda regress.


You two! lolololololol
Lets do it up! Nsweet is already the DD cause he doesn't drink so no worries! I'm sure i'll find someone along the way to keep me company!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Or come to Texas.
> 
> You know I have long hair and girlishly good looks. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference between me and a woman in the dark.
> 
> Seriously though, even though an escort, stripper for hire, or professional sounds like a good idea... It never is. Just trust me on this one. It's going to be really awkward and unemotional. That's not exactly going to make you feel any better about you decision.... And it's even worse with a lot of strippers when they kinda regress.


But Nsweet, I do like boobies.... you have none.

Damn, then I need to find a submissive woman!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> But Nsweet, I do like boobies.... you have none.
> 
> Damn, then I need to find a submissive woman!


No worries they find me!  what type do you want? If you can take it from intro were all good!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> You two! lolololololol
> Lets do it up! Nsweet is already the DD cause he doesn't drink so no worries! I'm sure i'll find someone along the way to keep me company!


Remember guys
I talk a lot of ****, but I cannot go through with a lot of the **** I say... 

BUt I would totally get drunk with you two! And Moxi!! She is coming along!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> But Nsweet, I do like boobies.... you have none.
> 
> Damn, then I need to find a submissive woman!


I thought you liked penises.


Maybe you should have a FFM threeway instead. Be greedy!:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> No worries they find me!  what type do you want? If you can take it from intro were all good!


Not taller than 5'5", (I am short), pretty face, body can be average (not overweight please), no make up (I hate make up), nice full lips, brown/black hair, clean, nice tits... what else??


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Remember guys
> I talk a lot of ****, but I cannot go through with a lot of the **** I say...
> 
> BUt I would totally get drunk with you two! And Moxi!! She is coming along!


That's what we are here for...showing you the experience...or giving you the chance to take it anyway


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I thought you liked penises.
> 
> 
> Maybe you should have a FFM threeway instead. Be greedy!:smthumbup:


That is an interesting idea... But I want all the pleasure focus on me. Kinda selfish?? Damn straight!!

I have been deprived for way too long. And I am not just talking about the end of my marriage, but for about 10+ years.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Not taller than 5'5", (I am short), pretty face, body can be average (not overweight please), no make up (I hate make up), nice full lips, brown/black hair, clean, nice tits... what else??


OHHHHH sounds hot! We might have to share!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> OHHHHH sounds hot! We might have to share!


:rofl::rofl:

Omg, I am blushing here.... seriously.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> That is an interesting idea... But I want all the pleasure focus on me. Kinda selfish?? Damn straight!!
> 
> I have been deprived for way too long. And I am not just talking about the end of my marriage, but for about 10+ years.


That's how most threeways with swingers are. They work hard to impress you at first.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> Omg, I am blushing here.... seriously.


 Let's do it up, Ill be in Cali sometime this summer

 This is the best thread on TAM! Hands down we need sponsors! BEST OF THE BEST! We just put down like what 5-6 pages of ****ty stuff...toooo much! We are awesome!


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Maybe you should have a FFM threeway instead. Be greedy!:smthumbup:


Those are way fun.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Let's do it up, Ill be in Cali sometime this summer
> 
> This is the best thread on TAM! Hands down we need sponsors! BEST OF THE BEST! We just put down like what 5-6 pages of ****ty stuff...toooo much! We are awesome!


It's nice to let off steam once in a while. This thread is lively and playful, that's for sure.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Let's do it up, Ill be in Cali sometime this summer
> 
> This is the best thread on TAM! Hands down we need sponsors! BEST OF THE BEST! We just put down like what 5-6 pages of ****ty stuff...toooo much! We are awesome!


haha
I was just thinking that we are kind of lame
I mean, look at us, we are single talking silly stuff on a Saturday night, instead of going out on a date!

But I do love us <3
tonight is fun!

Bottoms up, y'all!


----------



## ne9907

This is my kinda of guy, for when we go to Texas (start looking for him Nsweet)


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> haha
> I was just thinking that we are kind of lame
> I mean, look at us, we are single talking silly stuff on a Saturday night, instead of going out on a date!
> 
> But I do love us <3
> tonight is fun!
> 
> Bottoms up, y'all!


I don't think it's lame to be social on a forum. Besides, I already went to two parties and dinner with a friend tonight and text-flirted for a while before chiming in to TAM for the night. 

:toast:


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> This is my kinda of guy, for when we go to Texas (start looking for him Nsweet)


The Doctor is everybody's kinda guy.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> The Doctor is everybody's kinda guy.


He is mine... oh god, he is super hot!

The new Doctor is not, I stopped watching the show when Mr. Tennant left.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> He is mine... oh god, he is super hot!
> 
> The new Doctor is not, I stopped watching the show when Mr. Tennant left.


It takes a couple of episodes to get used to Matt Smith after being used to Tennant, but it's worth it. I resisted Matt Smith's Doctor for a long time, but when I got into it, I was really pleased. The storylines alone are marvelous. River Song is my favorite character from the screen and she has a big part in the rest of the series for a while. Tennant makes a come back in the anniversary episode. And, of course, now Matt Smith has left so Peter Capaldi will pick up as The Doctor. I urge you to give Matt Smith's Doctor another try.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> It takes a couple of episodes to get used to Matt Smith after being used to Tennant, but it's worth the try. I resisted Matt Smith's Doctor for a long time, but when I got into it, I was really pleased. The storylines alone are marvelous. River Song is my favorite character from the screen and she has a big part in the rest of the series for a while. Tennant makes a come back in the anniversary episode. And, of course, now Matt Smith has left so Peter Capaldi will pick up as The Doctor. I urge you to give Matt Smith's Doctor another try.


You convinced me. I will give him a try, I do miss the love story between Rose and the Doctor...

It was so beautiful and the ending so sad.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> You convinced me. I will give him a try, I do miss the love story between Rose and the Doctor...
> 
> It was so beautiful and the ending so sad.


River + The Doctor will break your heart and haunt you. 

Rose makes a comeback in the Anniversary Special, too.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> River + The Doctor will break your heart and haunt you.
> 
> Rose makes a comeback in the Anniversary Special, too.



I am a sucker for tragic love stories and yet still not a fan of Romeo and Juliet...


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ne9907 said:


> I am a sucker for tragic love stories and yet still not a fan of Romeo and Juliet...


Then you will love the Amy/Rory story-line throughout Matt Smith's episodes.


----------



## Fenix

Nsweet said:


> Well yeah! Obviously
> 
> If she's not absolutely naked and holding a beer in one hand and a plate of hot wings in the other when she asks you out, then it's a total turn off.:rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> That is like the douchiest thing I could say.:rofl:


maybe, but it was also kind of funny.


----------



## Jellybeans

Last night I dreamt I had a threesome with my real-life friend couple. It was good. Oo. But how strange. The good news is I finally got laid. Even if only in a dream. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I was in bed by 11 last night...lol

Plan b hat still didn't have any plans made by 4pm yesterday so I just said forget it. Had an impromtu dinner date for wings with a friend - completely got stood up. FB and text messages go unanswered. The wings were delicious though. Went home, started passing out on the couch. Went to bed. Got a text from disc golf hat - if my friend at least let me know what was going on I could have met up with him as his scheduled plans ended early. 

So whether dating or friends or whatever - just tell the person whats up, ok people? COMMUNICATION!! 

Midly irritated today with horrible cramps. Bleck.


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## Jellybeans

Vi, I commiserate in the annoyance. It's so flipping annoying when people do that. So rude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> So are they ne feet there ? :rofl:
> 
> 
> l'm really surprised at some of the women on TAM , hanging round in singles threads and coming outa screw around marriages and stuff. Lots of the guys to actually.
> 
> Just goes to show don't it , this [email protected] can happen to anyone .





So, not enough to feel single and actively working on being single, just stuck in the mandatory wait?

I "hang around'' here to see what is on the other side, to get some pointers on what is waiting for me.


----------



## ne9907

Today, I have to wash my car.

I smell spring! This town smells soo delicious!


----------



## ne9907

I heard this song yesterday, and I felt in love with it

Jeanette - Frente a frente - YouTube


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> ^Said every straight woman ever.
> 
> You wanna hear something funny? Dolly has said this exact same thing before. No sh!t, for real.:rofl:


Slow your roll baby bro, what same thing?


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Slow your roll baby bro, what same thing?


That you love men to much to ever switch teams.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> This is my kinda of guy, for when we go to Texas (start looking for him Nsweet)


That's me. Nerd glasses and all.:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> That's me. Nerd glasses and all.:rofl:


Really?


----------



## Dollystanford

OK right you are then, I thought you were referring to eating p*ssy which I'd be fine with if I were a lesbian. Which I'm not


----------



## WhiteRaven

Dollystanford said:


> OK right you are then, I thought you were referring to *eating p*ssy* which I'd be fine with if I were a lesbian. Which I'm not


Animal cruelty. Where's PETA??


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> OK right you are then, I thought you were referring to eating p*ssy which I'd be fine with if I were a lesbian. Which I'm not


I had a feeling that post would be confusing. 

That second part about tonguing a hot pocket was my general description of what cunnilingus is like. If you're any good at it that is. And that's not something most straight women want to do to another woman.


----------



## Jellybeans

And social media guy messaging me second time this weekend. Now asking how my family is. Funny how this sh!t happens. Maybe I'm just not built for dating. I misread people. Sometimes I think its right with someone and they disappear. And sometimes I barely know a guy and call him out of silly shenanigans and he turns into a five stage clinger. Seems I can't get it right. Cue the violin. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> And social media guy messaging me second time this weekend. Now asking how my family is. Funny how this sh!t happens. Maybe I'm just not built for dating. I misread people. Sometimes I think its right with someone and they disappear. And sometimes I barely know a guy and call him out of silly shenanigans and he turns into a five stage clinger. Seems I can't get it right. Cue the violin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No worries, I made a Match account, without the subscription part, then I deactivated it. All of this within the spam of 24 hours!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> And social media guy messaging me second time this weekend. Now asking how my family is. Funny how this sh!t happens. Maybe I'm just not built for dating. I misread people. Sometimes I think its right with someone and they disappear. And sometimes I barely know a guy and call him out of silly shenanigans and he turns into a five stage clinger. Seems I can't get it right. Cue the violin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just had to, watching too much basketball and trying out my new voice recording software. I hate my voice but thought I would give you some encouragement. 

Chirbit - To Jelly - drerio - share audio easily


----------



## ne9907

Things I miss about a relationship:

Talking about trivial stuff, telling someone what i had for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc, telling someone the dreams I had the night before, sharing silly stuff....


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Things I miss about a relationship:
> 
> Talking about trivial stuff, telling someone what i had for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc, telling someone the dreams I had the night before, sharing silly stuff....


Don't forget the sex that just keeps getting better and better.:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> Just had to, watching too much basketball and trying out my new voice recording software. I hate my voice but thought I would give you some encouragement.
> 
> Chirbit - To Jelly - drerio - share audio easily


lol that's great!


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Just had to, watching too much basketball and trying out my new voice recording software. I hate my voice but thought I would give you some encouragement.
> 
> Chirbit - To Jelly - drerio - share audio easily


Haha. Thanks, Uncle Dre.  I will definitely keep my head up and take your sage words into account.

Thata was really kind. Thank you.


----------



## ne9907

drerio said:


> Just had to, watching too much basketball and trying out my new voice recording software. I hate my voice but thought I would give you some encouragement.
> 
> Chirbit - To Jelly - drerio - share audio easily


You are so thoughtful!! Nic tone of your voice


----------



## Another Planet

What was that boundaries and rules thing someone said they told their teenage daughter a way long time ago?


----------



## ne9907

Question

A guy friend told me I am too build up and emotional. Does this translates to "crazy" in men talk?

I like myself being this way btw


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Question
> 
> A guy friend told me I am too build up and emotional. *Does this translates to "crazy" in men talk?*
> 
> I like myself being this way btw


Yep.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Question
> 
> A guy friend told me I am too build up and emotional. Does this translates to "crazy" in men talk?
> 
> I like myself being this way btw


Yep he's mirroring...drop him


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Yep he's mirroring...drop him


Really? I didn't see any mirroring in that statement. 

But NE really does have bad tastes in men. So who knows.


----------



## ne9907

Haha, I will not deny it but I dont call it crazy, I am passionate!!

Seriously though, getting my crazy out of the way for when the real deal comes along


----------



## moxy

What do you guys mean by "mirroring" in this context?


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Haha, I will not deny it but I dont call it crazy, I am passionate!!
> 
> Seriously though, getting my crazy out of the way for when the real deal comes along


No, I'd say you're making up for lost time and sewing your wild outs (sl*tting it up) while you still can. 

Most likely you grew up for your marriage, unlike your ex husband, and now that you're divorced you can really appreciate the adult single life and have all the ex you want until you're sick of it all and ready to settle down again. 

You'll know your ready for marriage when you have a clear goal in mind and are done with all the craziness of dating. If your like me it will hit you like a ton of bricks and really bring you down.


----------



## ne9907

Wish I had better connection.... going to sleep. Night all. I will dream of riverside iowa and cpt kirk, maybe salt flats too


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> What do you guys mean by "mirroring" in this context?


I'm not sure if he's referring to this or a past example. But "mirroring" is a brainwashing trick deceitful men and women use to make you think that they are just like you. 

It's used a lot in body language not even meaning to, and in speech it's usually that person taking your phrases and accent on as their own. The most deceitful people use it as a way of lowering your guard during the infatuation phase of a relationship and then start subtly cracking that image and really appearing a someone you don't recognize. 

I could go one, but you should get the gist of it. 
_"You like [blank]? No way. I love [blank] too. Let's get together and talk about [blank]."_:rofl:


----------



## moxy

Insidious. Clever, too.


----------



## Nsweet

One thing I've noticed dating crazy b!tches, which you all know is my kryptonite. I've noticed that they try on different personalities when they first meet you like most people try on masks, until they can mirror you exactly and settle on just one. 

That bubbly and cheerful girl you met at online will first try on a friendly mask, then try to be silly, seductive, motherly.... any number of things. All the while she's testing like a carnival gypsy reading your fortune by reading your facial expressions and tonality to see which mask you like best. As soon as you start having sex.... Viola! That's who she's going to become until she's sick of faking it and some of the craziness comes out.

They do this using a lot of mirroring, telling you stories about how awesome they are... which you really need to pay attention to and remember because those stories will hang them later, sad stories and pity tactics seem to be really popular, they often tell you secrets to gather intel about your past, and porn star sex... Just to name a few. There are more games they play.

The only way you can tell it's all a game is to document everything and wait for the cracks to appear. That is when you'll see them turn into their real self (someone you don't recognize and would never date) and then just as quickly put that mask you like back on.... Most likely with a lot of crying and more pity tactics to get you to excuse their actions before and take them back. And then that's pretty much how your whole relationship will be from there on. 

And these examples are unisex. I can just as easily give examples of how the bad guys get you into relationship with them by pretending to be Mr. Perfect, before they transform and make your life a living hell.


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> But see it's nothing to do with handling "her" or her asking , guys don't care she can ask what she wants that's not it.
> 
> lt's all about what l tried to explain earlier and you just confirmed. that in what you said here .
> 
> Anyway , see there in lies another problem , if he really wants to go out with her he'll ask don't worry about that unless he's only 12. So 9 times outa 10 she's wasting her time if he doesn't .


What, exactly, has my post "confirmed," Whitehawk?

If a man can't find an assertive woman attractive, then he's not man enough for me.


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> What, exactly, has my post "confirmed," Whitehawk?
> 
> If a man can't find an assertive woman attractive, then he's not man enough for me.


Try not to take it too personally. 

The common thing around TAM is the betrayed spouses still reeling from their divorce will pick up on some of the signs their exes displayed in other members, strong women in this example, and that will trigger them. 

I could just as easily say something really douchy and misogynistic in Men's Clubhouse and I would have all these NMMNG cronies backing me up, while triggering women who have been the victims of emotional domestic abuse from narcissistic men. Such is TAM.

I've just noticed around TAM that when you post strong comments about men or women, feminism or male equality, no matter what you're going to piss off somebody and that's ok. This place is all about healing, not saying the perfect thing to make everyone like you.

Preach on sister.:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974

Think I might get another cat, this will keep me entertained for hours


----------



## Nsweet

I thought of a couple more things. And this is really going to help you NE and Jelly. 

With manipulative people they do come on hard and strong, make themselves seem absolutely perfect... As I'm sure you're already away of. But you may not be aware that they have a hard time being consistent with other people. The mask they wear will only be worn around you.

For example while he's (yes, I'll use a man for an example this time) while he's telling you how pretty and perfect you are over dinner the waitress forgets to refill his water on her second pass and he unleashes on her telling her how stupid she is. Or maybe you introduce him to your friends and while you're not around he turns into a jerk and pits them against you over him. When that sweet and perfect man is going around kicking puppies, you know he's no good. 

Manipulators have a hard time keeping up the act with everyone, unless they are the best of actors.... In which case look for subtle signs you are being lied to. None of those text book examples like looking up and to the left. That's way off! No, the best liars enjoy getting away with their lie. They love getting one over on you. Look for the little smile after the delivery. They can never hide what brings them genuine pleasure.... Manipulating, deceiving, hurting others. 

You'll see that look on a lot of court shows and real murder trials. 

Another really good one I've noticed is how manipulators are not comfortable taking things slow, as I've already made my point. They will immediately try to win over every one in your support group with their handful of stories designed to make you like them. The heroes will tell you how they saved a life that one time, the victims will tell you how everyone is against them, and the seducers will brag about their conquests. Pay attention to how quickly they tell everyone everything about themselves. They usually mirror everyone they can to become someone they would like and try to pit everyone that sees through their act against you. 

As to what they tell you (and others) pay very little attention to the event in the stories and focus on their delivery. I find liars that don't believe their own stories will work themselves up emotionally and start acting out the parts to steal the show. Rather than say someone reliving a memory fondly who dives more into their head to tell you as much a they can INCLUDING how their people felt. I almost forgot that one. Liars are really bad about telling you everything THEY felt, but when it comes to others they tell you circumstantial events and leave out the important emotions of others. Remember that time someone else's feelings mattered? Fabricated stories often revolve around the story teller with one dimensional actors.

So there you have it. I've taught you how to spot a manipulator before it's too late, or just how to lie better. I could go on and one, but this will pretty much cover the basics.


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> What, exactly, has my post "confirmed," Whitehawk?
> 
> If a man can't find an assertive woman attractive, then he's not man enough for me.



Your completely missing my POINT and l'm sorry ns but your a mile off too.
lt's "nothing" to do with strong women l come from stock that'd make you look ike a weltering daisy so don't flatter yourself . Your strong , l'm strong , Willy Wonkers strong , who gives a flying fk l sure don't.

Point you proved was nothing to do with how strong you are who gives a damn. Point is You said you've asked all, your dates out right. WHY ?
Not because your what ever you are , because they didn't like you enough to ask you out .
Your not being strong your chasing because they can't be fkd chasing you , very very simple !


----------



## Nsweet

That is incredibly sexist of you to assume that men should ask women out and never have it the other way around. Haven't you ever heard of a Sadie Hawkins dance?

And dude, I have a hard time understanding your posts. I don't know where you come from but your syntax is not anything close to English.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Try not to take it too personally.
> 
> The common thing around TAM is the betrayed spouses still reeling from their divorce will pick up on some of the signs their exes displayed in other members, strong women in this example, and that will trigger them.
> 
> I could just as easily say something really douchy and misogynistic in Men's Clubhouse and I would have all these NMMNG cronies backing me up, while triggering women who have been the victims of emotional domestic abuse from narcissistic men. Such is TAM.
> 
> I've just noticed around TAM that when you post strong comments about men or women, feminism or male equality, no matter what you're going to piss off somebody and that's ok. This place is all about healing, not saying the perfect thing to make everyone like you.
> 
> Preach on sister.:smthumbup:




Sorry ns, absolutely nothing to do with it . Yeons away as a matter of fact.

But no surprises , the only surprise is that whatever the fk it was l was talking about which l'm sure no body gives a rats anyway - seems to be so hard to understand .
Yet , only a few mths ago in this very thread somewhere in here , l'm sure guys were talking about asking out and most agreed then too, they prefered to do the asking .

lt's simple , if she's chasing you then your not chasing her right , reason being is you probably don't like her enough to chase her .
Well that's how it works for me anyway.
lf l don't chase it's because l'
m not interested enough .

l couldn't give a damn about strong women and l have no so called triggers on strong women . lt was nothing to do with strong women.

Pretty simple post l thought , very basic but did expect a few to jump on it none the less .


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> That is incredibly sexist of you to assume that men should ask women out and never have it the other way around. Haven't you ever heard of a Sadie Hawkins dance?
> 
> And dude, I have a hard time understanding your posts. I don't know where you come from but your syntax is not anything close to English.



Sexist gee l wouldn't think so and hey as l mentioned in the previous post it was talked about a few times already , right here l think. May've been in the mens clubhouse.

And yes l am often way too busy unfortunately true , to take the time forums need and often rushed.

Now what's your excuse ns , some of the lines you string out round here are way out - often whole paragraphs , often whole posts . But hey l'm no grammar police , we all get off days and moments , very simple !

PS , l wasn't really saying they should or have to , they can do what they want l have enough to deal with.
ln a nut shell though ok , even if we forget the rest ok , for me personally- lf l don't do the chasing then she'd be wasting her time chasing me .
l think that's probably the best way l can think of to sorta sum it up.
And just incidentally though , if strong women, my ex was probably the most "truly" strongest women l've ever known and even she's always teaching our girls not to chase guys or do the asking.
Just sayin . 
No time or interest to even bother arguing in forums though , this is probably my first little after plug and last .


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Sexist gee l wouldn't think so and hey as l mentioned in the previous post it was talked about a few times already , right here l think. May've been in the mens clubhouse.
> 
> And yes l am often way too busy unfortunately true , to take the time forums need and often rushed.
> 
> Now what's your excuse ns , some of the lines you string out round here are way out - often whole paragraphs , often whole posts . But hey l'm no grammar police , we all get off days and moments , very simple !
> 
> PS , l wasn't really saying they should or have to , they can do what they want l have enough to deal with.
> ln a nut shell though ok , even if we forget the rest ok , for me personally- lf l don't do the chasing then she'd be wasting her time chasing me .
> l think that's probably the best way l can think of to sorta sum it up.
> And just incidentally though , talking strong women which as l said l come from a long line of and it has nothing to do with anything but.
> My ex was probably the most "truly" strongest women l've ever known and even she's always teaching our girls not to chase guys or do the asking.
> Just sayin .
> No time or interest to even bother arguing in forums though , this is probably my first little after plug and last .


I am not going to get involved in the argument happening but I will say Whitehawk, I do agree with you and I think you raise an excellent point. I think im a pretty "strong" women, hard headed and stubborn. But I don't and won't ask a guy out (for the first or second time). He wants to take me out, then ask, I'm not chasing (done that and failed). If he hasn't asked me then there is a reason. Now if it's because he's just shy well then I wouldn't be into him and he sure wouldn't be able to handle me. So I agree and I think it's a good point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks ff and yep that's basically all l tried to say. 
But hey , that was just my opinion you know , l was just sayin. l've never been one to force my views onto anyone or where .
But of course it hit a nerve with a few though, no biggie.

But anyway , you know the old saying .
Do what you always do then you'll get what you always got !


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> I am not going to get involved in the argument happening but I will say Whitehawk, I do agree with you and I think you raise an excellent point. I think im a pretty "strong" women, hard headed and stubborn. But I don't and won't ask a guy out (for the first or second time). He wants to take me out, then ask, I'm not chasing (done that and failed). If he hasn't asked me then there is a reason. Now if it's because he's just shy well then I wouldn't be into him and he sure wouldn't be able to handle me. So I agree and I think it's a good point.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*shrug*

Life's too short for these games. Ask and find out. Why waste time with waiting for a guy? I would rather know up front.

Shyness does not translate into not being able to handle someone. In addition, people move at their own pace, and at different times in their lives, at different paces. Sometimes, a guy who would be interested just is not focused on you in that moment due to work or life events etc. A jump start may be just what he needs.

Finally, I would not be interested in anyone who *has* to do the chasing. I do like to be chased but I also don't mind a bit of chasing. Just depends. Someone who has to chase...well, it doesn't give me a lot of confidence on their sticking around once they have caught me.


----------



## familyfirst09

Not everyone will agree with what everyone says - like the convo a bit back about what are turns off for men, that's not true for everyone. How boring would we be if we all liked the same things and had the same opinion? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> Not everyone will agree with what everyone says - like the convo a bit back about what are turns off for men, that's not true for everyone. How boring would we be if we all liked the same things and had the same opinion?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely!

And just because I disagree with someone on something doesn't mean I don't 'like' them or don't respect them. Sometimes, this gets lost on message boards.


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> *shrug*
> 
> Life's too short for these games. Ask and find out. Why waste time with waiting for a guy? I would rather know up front.
> 
> Shyness does not translate into not being able to handle someone. In addition, people move at their own pace, and at different times in their lives, at different paces. Sometimes, a guy who would be interested just is not focused on you in that moment due to work or life events etc. A jump start may be just what he needs.
> 
> Finally, I would not be interested in anyone who *has* to do the chasing. I do like to be chased but I also don't mind a bit of chasing. Just depends. Someone who has to chase...well, it doesn't give me a lot of confidence on their sticking around once they have caught me.



I don't think it's a game at all - game is for children and egotistical jerks (sorry just my opinion and not directed at anyone, just my view of "game"). 

I think it's just the type of guy I like - one that takes the lead/control. And if he can't ask me out well then....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> Absolutely!
> 
> And just because I disagree with someone on something doesn't mean I don't 'like' them or don't respect them. Sometimes, this gets lost on message boards.



I totally agree Fenix and that's when you see the personal attacks coming out and people getting banned!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Eh. I see two sides of the coin here. If a woman likes a man and wants to ask him out, she should go for it. Life is too short. If a man prefers to ask a woman out, then so be it.

Basically what I get from this is that Whitehawk and FeministinPink are probably not a good match.

I say do what you like/prefer--to each their own.



Nsweet said:


> But "mirroring" is a brainwashing trick deceitful men and women use to make you think that they are just like you.


Not always. Mirroring doesn't have to be manipulative at all. I use it in my professional life all the time. If a client is pissed, I sort of gauge their feelings and respond off that. In a dating example: If a guy texts me, I text back, etc.



Nsweet said:


> And this is really going to help you NE and Jelly.
> 
> For example while he's (yes, I'll use a man for an example this time) while he's telling you how pretty and perfect you are over dinner the waitress forgets to refill his water on her second pass and he unleashes on her telling her how stupid she is.


I am sure you mean well, but why are you calling me out here in this example? Just looking out for me? I will say that the example you gave...about calling the waitress stupid--that guy would not get a second date with me. I'm not into folks who treat people rudely. Especially when it's my first time out with a guy. I think it speaks volumes if someone does that.


----------



## stillhoping

I might not chase but I won't be a wallflower waiting for a man's attention anymore either. I settled for so little in my marriage. But no guessing either, be open and up front. If a guy seems interested, at least "open the door" for him. Respond quickly, be a bit flirtatious. I practiced on a guy at the bar while waiting for my Chinese takeout last week. Nice guy, came in alone. Struck up a convo about my new phone, the food, etc. he was quite receptive. After I left, I realized I had the perfect opening to leave him my business card ( I teach where his kids go to college!). But I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. He never asked for my name, so I figured he wasn't interested in that way, but what would it have hurt for me to try! Next time!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Nsweet said:


> I'm not sure if he's referring to this or a past example. But "mirroring" is a brainwashing trick deceitful men and women use to make you think that they are just like you.
> 
> It's used a lot in body language not even meaning to, and in speech it's usually that person taking your phrases and accent on as their own. The most deceitful people use it as a way of lowering your guard during the infatuation phase of a relationship and then start subtly cracking that image and really appearing a someone you don't recognize.
> 
> I could go one, but you should get the gist of it.
> _"You like [blank]? No way. I love [blank] too. Let's get together and talk about [blank]."_:rofl:


*Everybody mirrors*, especially when forming a new relationship...whether it's a friendship, SO, etc.

It's a way for you to find common areas of interest with another person.

When a disordered-type mirrors, they go overboard with it...to the extent that one might think they have found their soulmate on date #1. I don't think that the disordered person does this intentionally. It's just the way they are.

But mirroring is normal, and not a bad thing unless taken to disingenuous extremes.


----------



## Nsweet

The thing I see wrong with that statement about how men should always ask women out and if he doesn't then it's because he is not attracted to you.... Let me just sum it up by saying...

Men are really good at expressing themselves and always telling you what's on their mind - Said no woman ever.


----------



## Jellybeans

Meaning what, exactly, Nsweet?

Are you saying men won't tell you in they are interested? I am confused. :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

Alright, I know I kinda went overboard with describing the negative uses of mirroring. But the purpose of that was to warn of tricksters and manipulators, which I kinda went too in depth with. 

I use mirroring from time to time, but more so with body language and breathing... Because I can come off as very intimidating if I don't try to show emotions and connect with people in public. 

Also a lot of these observations come from experience with people watching. Without meaning to I pick up of certain patterns people use and what they tell me about themselves. There's always a pattern and certain body language signals people just can't hide.


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> Your completely missing my POINT and l'm sorry ns but your a mile off too.
> lt's "nothing" to do with strong women l come from stock that'd make you look ike a weltering daisy so don't flatter yourself . Your strong , l'm strong , Willy Wonkers strong , who gives a flying fk l sure don't.
> 
> Point you proved was nothing to do with how strong you are who gives a damn. Point is You said you've asked all, your dates out right. WHY ?
> Not because your what ever you are , because they didn't like you enough to ask you out .
> Your not being strong your chasing because they can't be fkd chasing you , very very simple !


No offense WH, but I think that is a load of horsesh*t.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Meaning what, exactly, Nsweet?
> 
> Are you saying men won't tell you in they are interested? I am confused. :scratchhead:


I don't know. Have you ever met a "nice guy"? Ever had a stalker announce that he likes you? Did you have a secret admirer in school? See my point.

Not everyone is going to tell you what's on their mind. You could put masculinity under a microscope and define those men as beta, probably tell me how you would never want to date them. But every guy does this and has done this. 

It's like if I stare at a woman's ass in public does that mean I should tell her I like her? If I have a hot coworker should I try to bang her and risk losing my job? If I have a crush on a friend would it be wise to push for a relationship, or should I wait and see how that goes without being so forward?

See where I'm going with this? Life is too short to expect men to make all the moves. Meet us half way and make some yourself, and you might be surprised to get who you're after. 

And if I may be so honest here.... Men are not as complicated as you'd like to believe. It takes a woman a few tries with "the stare" in order to catch his attention. And how many times with your ex did you try to get him to tell you what he wanted. Those complicated mind games don't work on us because we're not that complicated. You could just say what you want and be very direct and short with it and we'll understand.


----------



## lisab0105

A woman seeing an attractive man and asking him out is NOT chasing. That is her simply asking him out, same as it is for him. Period. Chalking it up to desperate (which is a word you previously used WH to describe asking a woman asking if you want to meet before you ask) is totally off base and to be honest pretty f'cking offensive. Women should NEVER have to wait on a guys cue to do anything and that includes dating.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Nsweet said:


> Men are not as complicated as you'd like to believe.


Bah. Neither are women.

Way too much paralysis-by-analysis going on here lately.

Go out and date, folks!


----------



## Another Planet

For the record WH said at one point he is from downunder...not sure if that meant he is literally from Australia or not but that might be a language/cultural barrier for the most of us. He's cool in my book, just have to reread what he types sometimes 

It's strange sometimes we have to remember we aren't static entities. On these message boards it's like people expect you to always be that same consistent "avatar" but we are all just people and we have good and bad days that can change our attitudes that can even be experienced online through type


----------



## FeministInPink

Everybody! I really was just looking for clarification on what whitehawk was implying. I occasionally have difficulties understanding what he's saying in some of his posts.

He was saying exactly what I thought he was saying, and he is entitled to his opinion. I had no intention of starting up a huge debate here.

However, I will say this: Whitehawk, you don't know me. You don't know anything about me. This is supposed to be a safe, supportive place, and we are all in various stages of healing. Your implication that I am desperate and undesireable as a partner simply because I have the chutzpah to ask out a man is ignorant, unnecessary, potentially harmful, and downright MEAN. It is insensitive and incredibly insulting. 

You want to know why I usually do the asking? Because I choose to date nerds, most of the time. Nerds are shy when It comes to women; they will admire a woman for months, but never ask her out. So, I do the asking. Simple as that. I've been asked out, too. I've been chased. And I say "no" a lot. Because I'm choosy about who I date. From my perspective, that's pretty damn far from desperate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

ThreeStrikes said:


> Bah. Neither are women.
> 
> Way too much paralysis-by-analysis going on here lately.
> 
> Go out and date, folks!


You mean go outside?


----------



## ne9907

I would ask a guy out, it really is not a big deal.

However, if I am very deeply maddly attracted to such man, I will not even speak to him. I turn into a shy idiot!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I never had any problem asking men out. I had to, even men that were very much interested in me just NEVER seemed to bring themselves to ask me out. The problem is that I have a broken man picker, so I am now trying NOT to be the one to initiate stuff. If it werent for online dating, my date count at this point since my divorce would be ZERO.


----------



## Jellybeans

I admit, I don't do much asking out. But I hardly date. I don't see anything wrong with it though. With one dude, I saw him at an event (he was totally super duper checking me out at event), sent him a chat on Facebook because we both had posted pics at the event. I sent him a "Hi, I saw you at X" and he was like, "Thanks for reaching out... we should go out to dinner." And that's how that happened. We ended up going out several (five/six) times. And then I never heard from him again. Still I don't regret saying hi. It led to some fun dates. I do however not feel good that he ghosted me. WHY do people do that? Fvck, it is so annoying and mean!

On a lighter note: hot colleague just came to me to tell me something he saw on television that he thought would interest me. He was standing in my doorway and I was imagining running my pretty little hands through his hair. I was like, "Oh, that IS interesting." Hehehehe. If only he knew what I was thinking.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I've made an effort to get out and date. 
Had a date last Saturday evening.
Total disappointment. Disliked the guy from the first. 
Another great eHarmony match. Not. 
Good thing it was just a free trial.

I'm looking forward to a social outing coming up, entertaining a woman who did the same for me in Iceland. Spending the day in Boston. Big relief, can check out the men and even talk to them but no pressure. That's the way I like it. 

Maybe I'll set some goal, like giving out my number to at least two people. Ha Ha. In my experience, they will call and text until they realize they're not getting porno photos or phone sex and then they disappear.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> On a lighter note: hot colleague just came to me to tell me something he saw on television that he thought would interest me. He was standing in my doorway and I was imagining running my pretty little hands through his hair. I was like, "Oh, that IS interesting." Hehehehe. If only he knew what I was thinking.


Damn, those hot colleagues are a curse, aren't they??

There is someone on my team like that...I swear you can cut the sexual tension with a knife between us...bah...


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. The thing is, I don't know if this guy knows I find him attractive. But it sure is nice to see him walk by. 

Can men tell when a woman is attracted to them? 

I make it a point to keep lines completely separate at work. Most of the people I work with are old so when he came it was like, Ohhhhh hiiiii. He has the best bum/physique ever.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I admit, I don't do much asking out. But I hardly date. I don't see anything wrong with it though. With one dude, I saw him at an event (he was totally super duper checking me out at event), sent him a chat on Facebook because we both had posted pics at the event. I sent him a "Hi, I saw you at X" and he was like, "Thanks for reaching out... we should go out to dinner." And that's how that happened. We ended up going out several (five/six) times. And then I never heard from him again. Still I don't regret saying hi. It led to some fun dates.* I do however not feel good that he ghosted me. WHY do people do that?* Fvck, it is so annoying and mean!
> 
> On a lighter note: hot colleague just came to me to tell me something he saw on television that he thought would interest me. He was standing in my doorway and I was imagining running my pretty little hands through his hair. I was like, "Oh, that IS interesting." Hehehehe. If only he knew what I was thinking.


I think men ghost women because they are just not interested and they do not care about what we think.
We are a non important factor in their lives. Sort of like a fly that landed on their soup, once gone, they forget it! 
Maybe a bit rash, but that is how I feel.

I have been ghosted once in my life. Still trying to get closure haha!!! But waiting a year to try and engage again, maybe by then I will not care.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I have been ghosted once in my life. Still trying to get closure haha!!! But waiting a year to try and engage again, maybe by then I will not care.


You are better than me, Ne. After a year, I would not want to contact them at all. Why are you waiting a year? Do you want to see if his feelings have changed?

I guess it's because I am so straight up with people--like Social Media Guy--I told him STRAIGHT up that I did not see us as a match/did not want to date him. It's because I would want someone to be honest with me, too. So it's really upsetting when someone does it. I know we don't all act/react the same but it's just common courtesy in my opinion. Nothing worse than feeling like you've been let hanging.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I think men ghost women because they are just not interested and they do not care about what we think.
> We are a non important factor in their lives. Sort of like a fly that landed on their soup, once gone, they forget it!
> Maybe a bit rash, but that is how I feel.
> 
> I have been ghosted once in my life. Still trying to get closure haha!!! But waiting a year to try and engage again, maybe by then I will not care.


Nope. It's not even that they don't care. He was just bored. That's all.


----------



## Jellybeans

You know how to make a lady feel really good, Nsweet.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You are better than me, Ne. After a year, I would not want to contact them at all. Why are you waiting a year? Do you want to see if his feelings have changed?
> 
> I guess it's because I am so straight up with people--like Social Media Guy--I told him STRAIGHT up that I did not see us as a match/did not want to date him. It's because I would want someone to be honest with me, too. So it's really upsetting when someone does it. I know we don't all act/react the same but it's just common courtesy in my opinion. Nothing worse than feeling like you've been let hanging.


I spoke about this guys a few months back. Ex boyfriend, currently in the Army, I contacted him. Thinrgs got too extreme too soon, mainly my doing.

Not to know if his feelings have changed, but hopefully mine will completely dissapear in a year. His birthday was last week; i Send him a happy birthday text and he did not reply.

I do care a little less each day. I do have a feeling, he will be coming back into my life.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> His birthday was last week; i Send him a happy birthday text and he did not reply.


UGH. Please do not text him again. At all. 

If he does come back, do him like he did you: don't respond to his text.

Easier said than done, I KNOW.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> You know how to make a lady feel really good, Nsweet.


Find her clitoris. Duh.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> UGH. Please do not text him again. At all.
> 
> If he does come back, do him like he did you: don't respond to his text.
> 
> Easier said than done, I KNOW.


Easier said than done, especially when I feel as if he was the one who got away and kinda like my soulmate haha! Soooo ridiculous yet I feel like that


Edit---logging off for a while, Cannot wait to come back to 10+ pages!! Make it happen!


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Find her clitoris. Duh.


Heh. It was about the boredom comment you made.


----------



## Nsweet

You know NE and Jelly a thought occurs to me. 

If these men are slowly losing interest and not calling you back it's probably because they are not into you. And if they are not into you it's more than likely because they don't have much of anything in common with you. And if they don't have anything in common with you you're probably talking to the wrong guys anyways. 

If you're going after a certain type that doesn't want you, maybe you should rethink that type altogether. Just a thought.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> And if they don't have anything in common with you you're probably talking to the wrong guys anyways.


True dat.

With that said, I am anything but boring. :rofl:

Stalker Guy thinks I'm the most interesting person that has ever lived!


----------



## lisab0105

Guy and Woman typically ghost someone because it is just less hassle and awkward to not call anymore. Hoping that the message will come across loud and clear and zero further effort will have to be made. It's just about laziness. Simple as that. They will probably feel bad at first...but it goes away as soon as they are getting ready for their next night on the town.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> It's just about laziness.


And rudeness. And disrespect. And cowardliness.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> And rudeness. And disrespect. And cowardliness.


Of coarse, they are just too lazy to consider all of those things though because they are @sshats. 

They play it off in their minds like "He/she'll get over it quickly, no big deal."


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

The guy I went on a date with texted me. I have nothing to say. I think he has some kind of memory and personality disorder. I know, I accept that, but I'm not going to text back. I hope it will send a strong enough signal that he won't bother again. I don't want to have anything to do with this guy, again, ever.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The guy I went on a date with texted me. I have nothing to say. I think he has some kind of memory and personality disorder. I know, I accept that, but I'm not going to text back. I hope it will send a strong enough signal that he won't bother again. I don't want to have anything to do with this guy, again, ever.


Text him back and say something like "It was nice meeting you, but you're not my type. Good luck in your search!"

And then go no-contact.

What you are proposing is the "ghosting" everyone is referring to, which apparently is rude:scratchhead:


----------



## familyfirst09

Ahh so that's what ghosting is, lol, I was wondering. I once had a guy tell me he didn't contact me for over a month because "he cared too much for me" ha!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The guy I went on a date with texted me. I have nothing to say. I think he has some kind of memory and personality disorder. I know, I accept that, but I'm not going to text back. I hope it will send a strong enough signal that he won't bother again. I don't want to have anything to do with this guy, again, ever.


"I don't think we are a match so I do not want to go out again. Thanks." 

End game.

Leaving hanging is the WORST. Granted, it was only one date but still. It's fcked up.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> Of coarse, they are just too lazy to consider all of those things though because they are @sshats.
> 
> They play it off in their minds like "He/she'll get over it quickly, no big deal."


Exactly. See, it kinda makes sense MORE after the first date (eventhough I am still not down with that)--but after you've been out with someone five or SIX times, GEEZUS. Just say something.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> "I don't think we are a match so I do not want to go out again. Thanks."
> 
> End game.
> 
> Leaving hanging is the WORST. Granted, it was only one date but still. It's fcked up.


"I would like for us both to start having sex with other people. I'll start first and just not tell you."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> "I don't think we are a match so I do not want to go out again. Thanks."
> 
> End game.
> 
> Leaving hanging is the WORST. Granted, it was only one date but still. It's fcked up.


I admit it, I do this after first dates that I am not interested in.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Thanks. I won't ghost. But I have a feeling when I tell him that I think our lifestyles are incompatible I have a feeling he is going to try to offer up all those "contingencies" and "wanting a chance." I guess I can always say, well, I might be wrong, but I'm more willing to take a chance on being wrong than I am to take a chance on him being right. lol. It's my call, can't be forced to go out again at any rate.

I'm a little bummed because one guy I did like and hoped to see some more, did not contact me after I got back from my vacation. I have made the move before, and I figured if I'm not worth him making the move this time, then he's just not willing to pursue me and that's that. Whatever reasons he has he can own them, including insecurity. I thought he was a nice guy and wanted to get to know him some more. 

No biggie. I have kids and work and stuff I like to do in my downtime, although for the right person I would make time to date and pursue a serious relationship if it looked like it would head in that direction...


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Thanks. I won't ghost.
> 
> It's my call, can't be forced to go out again at any rate.


Exactly. You should only have to say it once. If he reaches out again, then you can not respond since you already said your piece. 

If he comes back with some rebuttal, you can just say "I have already told you I do no wish to see you again. Thank you for respecting that." End.

I guess I could understand "ghosting" after the first date IF nobody reaches out to the other again. However, if one person does and the other isn't interested, just say so. Easy peasy. 

After a couple of dates out (5ish+) definitely say something instead of disappearing into thin air. Like a magic trick.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm a little bummed because one guy I did like and hoped to see some more, did not contact me after I got back from my vacation. I have made the move before, and I figured if I'm not worth him making the move this time, then he's just not willing to pursue me and that's that. Whatever reasons he has he can own them, including insecurity. I thought he was a nice guy and wanted to get to know him some more.


It always happens this way. It's like a sick cruel joke. 

Least this has been my experience lately.


----------



## moxy

If I'm following your logic Whitehall, you're saying that the one who does the asking is the one who is chasing or pursuing. The one who is chasing/pursuing is more emotionally invested. If one person is always chasing and the other just responding, then there shouldn't be a surprise that the person being pursued isn't always going to respond in the same way because that person isn't as interested. 

Are you saying that, if one person is always initiating and the other person doesn't reciprocate, then there is a power imbalance or at least an imbalance of interest? Are you saying that people should be mindful of levels of interest to avoid getting hurt by repeating the same patterns? 

Are you also saying that the point you were making has nothing to do with strength if character but actually has to do with how emotionally invested people are in a relationship? 

Just asking for the sake of clarity.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

OK, done. Ugh. Most people I have no problem being honest, or even following up. Because they are likeable although not a good match. But this guy just smells like trouble. However, I have done my duty and hope that this small good deed will go unpunished.

As for the guy who hasn't contacted me, he is likeable but I did not know him well enough outside of the dinner/lunch table to say if we were compatible. But I knew him well enough to say he was likeable. I figure most of my life is spent at a table. Eating breakfast, eating lunch, eating dinner. Lots of time spent working, sleeping and personal hygiene. So I tend to limit my first dates to meals. If someone isn't tolerable at a meal, it's not gonna fly.

Update - he texted back saying we could do drinks as friends if I found myself alone one night wanting to go out. Argh. 

I told him the truth, except for one friend I get together with in pubs because he likes pubs adn beer, I don't really like pubs and bars and don't drink much, so I wouldn't find that relaxing however thank you for the offer. (I only find it relaxing with one or two guy friends I have, and they are friends, not people I met on dates and decided I wasn't compatible with.)


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Are you saying that, *if one person is always initiating and the other person doesn't reciprocate, *then there is a power imbalance or at least an imbalance of interest?


I think if there is a set pattern where one person does all the pursuing, then yeah, that's not good. Nor is it anything I'd want to be a part of. 

There should be give and take. Both should make an effort.

My 2 cents.

And in reading this thread and all this sh!t and the games and the ghosting, and the "what is so/so thinking" and the meets ups and the crazies, and the etc, I seriously sit here wondering why I even want to date again. It seems like such a hassle. I mean, sh!t, I never want to get married again. Just seems like more trouble than it's actually worth.

Must find steady lover and call it a day.

Retiring.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Thanks. I won't ghost. But I have a feeling when I tell him that I think our lifestyles are incompatible I have a feeling he is going to try to offer up all those "contingencies" and "wanting a chance." I guess I can always say, well, I might be wrong, but I'm more willing to take a chance on being wrong than I am to take a chance on him being right. lol. It's my call, can't be forced to go out again at any rate.


THIS is why I tend to just disappear. I have been through this and its hard enough for me to come forward to begin with, with telling them that I am not interested, that I cannot deal with this kind of follow up confrontation.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Jellybeans said:


> I think if there is a set pattern where one person does all the pursuing, then yeah, that's not good. Nor is it anything I'd want to be a part of.
> 
> There should be give and take. Both should make an effort.
> 
> My 2 cents.
> 
> *And in reading this thread and all this sh!t and the games and the ghosting, and the "what is so/so thinking" and the meets ups and the crazies, and the etc, I seriously sit here wondering why I even want to date again. It seems like such a hassle. I mean, sh!t, I never want to get married again. Just seems like more trouble than it's actually worth.*
> 
> Must find steady lover and call it a day.
> 
> Retiring.


I wouldn't use this small TAM crew as an example of the pitfalls of dating.

Most people who are dating successfully aren't on TAM. In fact, it seems that many of the members posting here aren't dating much either, yet they seem to have plenty of advice for those who are

I had a lot of fun dating, before I settled in with my current exclusive SO.

Jelly, you sound like a fun chick. You just have to get out there, and go through some numbers until you find someone with similar relationship 'wants and desires' as you. And, enjoy the process.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I admit it, I do this after first dates that I am not interested in.


I have done this too - but now I definitely let them know I am not interested. 

Unless it was a ONS type situation. Then yes, I still ghost. And yes, I know it is being rude.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I think if there is a set pattern where one person does all the pursuing, then yeah, that's not good. Nor is it anything I'd want to be a part of.
> 
> 
> 
> There should be give and take. Both should make an effort.
> 
> 
> 
> My 2 cents.
> 
> 
> 
> And in reading this thread and all this sh!t and the games and the ghosting, and the "what is so/so thinking" and the meets ups and the crazies, and the etc, I seriously sit here wondering why I even want to date again. It seems like such a hassle. I mean, sh!t, I never want to get married again. Just seems like more trouble than it's actually worth.
> 
> 
> 
> Must find steady lover and call it a day.
> 
> 
> 
> Retiring.



Don't make me load up another voice coaching file. We (I'm an assistant coach on my youngest sons flag football team) lost our final game of the winter season yesterday and I'm fired up


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. Sorry to hear about the loss, Dre. I hope you guys celebrated anyway--the end of a fun season. 

To be honest, I don't date much. And the madness/stories are another reason not to. Lol.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> THIS is why I tend to just disappear. I have been through this and its hard enough for me to come forward to begin with, with telling them that I am not interested, that I cannot deal with this kind of follow up confrontation.


The ultimate confirmation that you were right in ghosting in the first place.


----------



## unsure78

ThreeStrikes said:


> I wouldn't use this small TAM crew as an example of the pitfalls of dating.
> 
> Most people who are dating successfully aren't on TAM. In fact, it seems that many of the members posting here aren't dating much either, yet they seem to have plenty of advice for those who are
> 
> I had a lot of fun dating, before I settled in with my current exclusive SO.
> 
> Jelly, you sound like a fun chick. You just have to get out there, and go through some numbers until you find someone with similar relationship 'wants and desires' as you. And, enjoy the process.


Im dating and I date a lot


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I wouldn't care if I got "ghosted", because I can take a hint.

Other people have a hard time with rejection, though, and need an explanation, I guess.


----------



## unsure78

what a good weekend... i like him a looooooooooooooooot.....


----------



## Jellybeans

I suppose we are all built differently.

The second a man tells me he is not interested in seeing me again, I fall way back. In fact, I fall back so far he never hears from me again. 

One guy I dated (the one who wouldn't shut up about his ex-girlfriend--this was eons ago) told me he didn't think we should pursue it any further. I thanked him for being up front with me and wished him well. 

A few months later, he contacted me and I did not respond.

No, thanks.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

unsure78 said:


> Im dating and I date a lot


Yes. I noticed.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Sorry to hear about the loss, Dre. I hope you guys celebrated anyway--the end of a fun season.
> 
> To be honest, I don't date much. And the madness/stories are another reason not to. Lol.



That's cool on the loss. It was a very close game and the main thing the kids have fun. But, at 11 and 12 they are almost as competitive as I am. 

I would say relax (as I tell the boys on the team), take the opportunities presented but don't try too hard to make everything happen on every (play) date. One turnover, one interception, one loss of down etc does not determine the whole game. When you least suspect, "the play", the one that turns the tide of the game will happen, just be sure to seize upon the opportunity but, still don't force it. 

You are too young and the season (of your life) is still too early to give in. You are still in the latter half of the first quarter.


----------



## Jellybeans

ThreeStrikes said:


> I wouldn't care if I got "ghosted", because I can take a hint.
> 
> Other people have a hard time with rejection, though, and need an explanation, I guess.


Again, different scenarios. After the first time, I don't hear from a guy, ok, no worries. I don't reach out to him either. Or I may once, if no response, _"Goodbye."_

But I am talking about scenarios when you hare been out with someone five/six/seven times and they suddenly are gone. I don't care who you are, that stings a bit. I personally have a LOT of hair and it takes a long time to do, get dressed, etc. If I am spending that much time primping on one dude repeatedly only for him ghost me, yeah it sucks.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> You are still in the latter half of the first quarter.


:rofl: Love this.

But yea. I am gonna take a hiatus. It seems more annoying than fun to me. But then again I've never been a really big dater. It's funny cause when I think of Mr. Ex Jelly-there were no games. We just were. We liked eachother and told eachother and it was so easy, the dating part. Seems so different now.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Jellybeans said:


> Again, different scenarios. After the first time, I don't hear from a guy, ok, no worries. I don't reach out to him either. Or I may once, if no response, _"Goodbye."_
> 
> But I am talking about scenarios when you hare been out with someone five/six/seven times and they suddenly are gone. I don't care who you are, that stings a bit. I personally have a LOT of hair and it takes a long time to do, get dressed, etc. If I am spending that much time primping on one dude repeatedly only for him ghost me, yeah it sucks.


I agree that it would suck. You deserved an explanation. Hopefully he paid for your dinners, given the amount of hair-prep time you put in


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> And in reading this thread and all this sh!t and the games and the ghosting, and the "what is so/so thinking" and the meets ups and the crazies, and the etc, I seriously sit here wondering why I even want to date again. It seems like such a hassle. I mean, sh!t, I never want to get married again. Just seems like more trouble than it's actually worth.
> 
> Must find steady lover and call it a day.
> 
> Retiring.


I want that! But my problem is that I KNOW i will get invested emotionally even if it is only sex. I cannot separate the two. I want sex so badly.... yet also want a connection. I want to feel wanted, I want the giddiness of liking each other, the looks, everything.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Love this.
> 
> when I think of Mr. Ex Jely-there were no games. We just were. We liked eachother and told eachother and it was so easy, the dating part. .


what im learning is that's how it is when its right..... all the other [email protected] happens when its wrong....


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehehe. You may be onto something, Unsure. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Love this.
> 
> But yea. I am gonna take a hiatus. It seems more annoying than fun to me. But then again I've never been a really big dater. It's funny cause when I think of Mr. Ex Jelly-there were no games. We just were. We liked eachother and told eachother and it was so easy, the dating part. Seems so different now.



A time out is good. And, choosing the right play is critical at times. 

I guess you can see I have fun coaching a bunch of 11 & 12 year olds


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Hehehe. You may be onto something, Unsure. :rofl:


hahahah.... I talk all big, like i know what im doing.... but im sure ill be back on this thread with my heart all broken again in the future

though i dont know i like this one quite a bit... i think i will make him Mr. Unsure  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> A time out is good. And, choosing the right play is critical at times.
> 
> I guess you can see I have fun coaching a bunch of 11 & 12 year olds


I bet that is a lot of fun.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> hahahah.... I talk all big, like i know what im doing.... but im sure ill be back on this thread with my heart all broken again in the future
> 
> though i dont know i like this one quite a bit... i think i will make him Mr. Unsure  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


Uh oh. Sounds like you really like him if you are elevating him to your-own-name-status. :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Uh oh. Sounds like you really like him if you are elevating him to your-own-name-status. :smthumbup:


I like him very much.... but still being cautious... my heart is no longer quite as easy to win over as it once was...

but im having a lot of fun with him and i hope it lasts a while


----------



## vi_bride04

Have you tried any meetup groups, yet JB? Maybe meeting potential dates would be better done in person for you vs. online?

Find your people - Meetup


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> what im learning is that's how it is when its right..... all the other [email protected] happens when its wrong....


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

ThreeStrikes said:


> I agree that it would suck. You deserved an explanation. Hopefully he paid for your dinners, given the amount of hair-prep time you put in


Oh, he did. And my hair did look very nice. Hahahaha.



ne9907 said:


> I want that! But my problem is that I KNOW i will get invested emotionally even if it is only sex. I cannot separate the two. I want sex so badly.... yet also want a connection. I want to feel wanted, I want the giddiness of liking each other, the looks, everything.


It's good to be self-aware. That is a big deal, knowing who you are/what you want.

And I see you couldn't make it to ten pages before coming back. HAHA Messin' with ya, Ne!



vi_bride04 said:


> Have you tried any meetup groups, yet JB? Maybe meeting potential dates would be better done in person for you vs. online?


Not yet. Will consider it. And I definitely am better with in person vs. online. But again, I don't feel like dating. I am tired of the bullsh*t.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> vi_bride04 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Have you tried any meetup groups, yet JB? Maybe meeting potential dates would be better done in person for you vs. online?
> 
> Find your people - Meetup
> 
> 
> 
> Not yet. Will consider it. And I definitely am better with in person vs. online. But again, I don't feel like dating. I am tired of the bullsh*t.
Click to expand...

JB, you should totally do it. It's a lot of fun. I belong to a whole bunch of meetups. It's a great way to be social, make new friends, and sometimes try new things. It really helped me get out of the house and keep my spirits up in the last years of my marriage and while I was going through my divorce.

EDIT: and it doesn't have to be about dating. It's just about having fun and being social.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, he did. And my hair did look very nice. Hahahaha.
> 
> 
> 
> It's good to be self-aware. That is a big deal, knowing who you are/what you want.
> 
> And I see you couldn't make it to ten pages before coming back. HAHA Messin' with ya, Ne!
> 
> p


I am addicted to you all.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> JB, you should totally do it. It's a lot of fun. I belong to a whole bunch of meetups. It's a great way to be social, make new friends, and sometimes try new things. It really helped me get out of the house and keep my spirits up in the last years of my marriage and while I was going through my divorce.
> 
> EDIT: and it doesn't have to be about dating. It's just about having fun and being social.


Im with feminist on this.. i joined a group and only went to stuff that worked with my schedule... but i made two good friends from it... i just made sure when i met guys there that upfront i would say im not interested in dating, just making friends..


----------



## Another Planet

So whats the rules on sex? How long do I have to wait? Be completely honest with me because I am not sure I am in control of this very well and I personally see it happening sooner then later.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> So whats the rules on sex? How long do I have to wait? Be completely honest with me because I am not sure I am in control of this very well and I personally see it happening sooner then later.


there are no rules.... what do you want, what does she want?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So whats the rules on sex? How long do I have to wait? Be completely honest with me because I am not sure I am in control of this very well and I personally see it happening sooner then later.


That totally depends on what YOU want and what SHE wants.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Again, different scenarios. After the first time, I don't hear from a guy, ok, no worries. I don't reach out to him either. Or I may once, if no response, _"Goodbye."_
> 
> *But I am talking about scenarios when you hare been out with someone five/six/seven times and they suddenly are gone.* I don't care who you are, that stings a bit. I personally have a LOT of hair and it takes a long time to do, get dressed, etc. If I am spending that much time primping on one dude repeatedly only for him ghost me, yeah it sucks.


Yes I agree that its different if you have been together several times. In that scenario, I would not just drop out of sight, thats a whole different level than a single date.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> So whats the rules on sex? How long do I have to wait? Be completely honest with me because I am not sure I am in control of this very well and I personally see it happening sooner then later.


If it was me, I would be like, OK, we're having sex right now.

But that's me :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Ok yes I have to remember to be completely honest with her...
Thats one of the problems though I have been completely honest and straight forward and it just keeps advancing! It's crazy, never would I have thought I would be this comfortable this quickly.

Point is I am suppose to be going to her house tonight with no intentions of staying over night but if it starts to go in that direction I am not sure if I can say no.

I think I have lost all control of the situation lol it's on now


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Ok yes I have to remember to be completely honest with her...
> Thats one of the problems though I have been completely honest and straight forward and it just keeps advancing! It's crazy, never would I have thought I would be this comfortable this quickly.
> 
> Point is I am suppose to be going to her house tonight with no intentions of staying over night but if it starts to go in that direction I am not sure if I can say no.


If you don't feel comfortable with it progressing so fast, and you don't know if you can stop yourself if it gets to that point, then maybe you shouldn't put yourself in that position. 

(AKA having a date at her house might not be a good idea, because dinner/date at home usually = expectation/anticipation of sex... or so I've been told.)


----------



## Jellybeans

Are you talking about Bleacher, AP?


----------



## Another Planet

Yes
You guys would know if there was a new one


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> If you don't feel comfortable with it progressing so fast, and you don't know if you can stop yourself if it gets to that point, then maybe you shouldn't put yourself in that position.
> 
> (AKA having a date at her house might not be a good idea, because dinner/date at home usually = expectation/anticipation of sex... or so I've been told.)


I agree, wont this only be the second time you have actually seen each other?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> So whats the rules on sex? How long do I have to wait? Be completely honest with me because I am not sure I am in control of this very well and I personally see it happening sooner then later.


As long as you both are into it, go for it!

Some women do like to wait until the 5th date, but if you and Bleacher have been communication for months, I dont see a problem getting it on~

Whatever makes her comfortable, though


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Point is I am suppose to be going to her house tonight with no intentions of staying over night but if it starts to go in that direction I am not sure if I can say no.
> 
> I think I have lost all control of the situation lol it's on now


Just wear a condom


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree, wont this only be the second time you have actually seen each other?


Yes, that is why I am even wondering. I personally have no expectations. I am not exactly interested in sex, it's not the only thing I am after. But if I am completely honest with her and her as well with me and it progresses further...


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Just wear a condom


Ya for sure, not even a question. I am clean and don't trust anyone especially with everything I have experienced.


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> As long as you both are into it, go for it!
> 
> Some women do like to wait until the 5th date, but if you and Bleacher have been communication for months, I dont see a problem getting it on~
> 
> Whatever makes her comfortable, though


The 5th date?? Holy guacamole!! I'm not sure I'd put that much time into someone if I didn't know if they were _entirely_ compatible with me...if you know what I mean.


----------



## Another Planet

Ok I think I got this, I just needed to talk about it for a sec.

I just am trying to keep it in my head about the Fvck Yes! If it's not a definite yes for me I don't want it. Same goes for her, this is the part that scares the **** out of me.


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> The 5th date?? Holy guacamole!! I'm not sure I'd put that much time into someone if I didn't know if they were _entirely_ compatible with me...if you know what I mean.


haha... that is just me


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Yes
> You guys would know if there was a new one


:rofl:




ne9907 said:


> Just wear a condom


Pretty much the only rule.



3Xnocharm said:


> I agree, wont this only be the second time you have actually seen each other?


Yes but you have to remember... they have been in this bizarre phone relationship for about 3 months now. Lol.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Yes, that is why I am even wondering. I personally have no expectations. I am not exactly interested in sex, it's not the only thing I am after. But if I am completely honest with her and her as well with me and it progresses further...


I put this out there because personally I would not be having a man to my home who I just met one time.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> The 5th date?? Holy guacamole!! I'm not sure I'd put that much time into someone if I didn't know if they were _entirely_ compatible with me...if you know what I mean.


Meaning what exactly? Sex? 
If so, how soon do you prefer to knock boots? I personally like to get to know someone a little before I drop panties.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I put this out there because personally I would not be having a man to my home who I just met one time.


What Jelly just said...
You might as well call us GF BF, I must admit this is very strange.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Who ordered those granny panties??


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: They are cuter from the front, I swear!


----------



## unsure78

COGypsy said:


> The 5th date?? Holy guacamole!! I'm not sure I'd put that much time into someone if I didn't know if they were _entirely_ compatible with me...if you know what I mean.


Really? thats like my average number, actually it may even be more...

Got to work a bit for me.....


----------



## Shooboomafoo

I'm sure one could purchase the gummy type jelly beans, and lick only one side, and stick them to you... in the shape of a pair of drawalls. 
Might be fun.


----------



## unsure78

Shooboomafoo said:


> I'm sure one could purchase the gummy type jelly beans, and lick only one side, and stick them to you... in the shape of a pair of drawalls.
> Might be fun.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

well done Shoo


----------



## Another Planet

shooboomafoo said:


> i'm sure one could purchase the gummy type jelly beans, and lick only one side, and stick them to you... In the shape of a pair of drawalls.
> Might be fun.


roflol


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Really? thats like my average number, actually it may even be more...
> 
> Got to work a bit for me.....


Damn straight!!!! and you best recognize, yo!!!

I am in a silly mood today


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Meaning what exactly? Sex?
> If so, how soon do you prefer to knock boots? I personally like to get to know someone a little before I drop panties.


I don't have any particular hard and fast timeline. I'm sure that because my marriage was virtually sexless, I place an absolute premium on physical chemistry. I find it really easy to find people that I like to spend time and do things with. It's finding someone that I like to spend time and do naked things with that is harder, so I'd rather establish the chemistry and build from there.

And knowing my schedule, if I were going to wait five dates before determining whether a guy was going to be a keeper, we'd be dating for MONTHS. As it stands now, I have a handful of weeknights with no particular plans open between now and mid-May. Most nights and weekends already have plans made. Granted, a lot of those nights are plans with the BF, but even if I weren't dating him, I'd still be planning to do a lot of the stuff on our schedule. So if I were available and met some fantastic guy today, it would likely be the end of June before 5 actual dates happened. I just don't have that kind of attention span, lol.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> JB, you should totally do it. It's a lot of fun. I belong to a whole bunch of meetups. It's a great way to be social, make new friends, and sometimes try new things. It really helped me get out of the house and keep my spirits up in the last years of my marriage and while I was going through my divorce.
> 
> EDIT: and it doesn't have to be about dating. It's just about having fun and being social.


Same here! I have met some of the coolest women on it too. Fun guys, as well.


----------



## lisab0105

ThreeStrikes said:


> Who ordered those granny panties??


Those aren't grannies, those are hipsters and totally hot.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

lisab0105 said:


> Those aren't grannies, those are hipsters and totally hot.


Or as my kiddo calls - "boy shorts" - and half the butt cheek hangs out of them.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Not yet. Will consider it. And I definitely am better with in person vs. online. *But again, I don't feel like dating. I am tired of the bullsh*t. *





FeministInPink said:


> JB, you should totally do it. It's a lot of fun. I belong to a whole bunch of meetups. It's a great way to be social, make new friends, and sometimes try new things. It really helped me get out of the house and keep my spirits up in the last years of my marriage and while I was going through my divorce.
> 
> EDIT:* and it doesn't have to be about dating. It's just about having fun and being social.*





unsure78 said:


> Im with feminist on this.. i joined a group and only went to stuff that worked with my schedule... but i made two good friends from it...* i just made sure when i met guys there that upfront i would say im not interested in dating, just making friends..*


Its not about dating. Its about making social connections and who knows, maybe you will meet someone you click with. 

There are specifically dating groups out there, but I have found the funnest ones to be a hobby or interest or just strictly social. The dating/single ones seem to have "expectation" vibes vs people just looking to go have a fun time.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah I'm with CO here - 2nd date fine (just to pretend I'm not slvtty) although obviously have to fancy then


----------



## vi_bride04

I also rock the hipsters/boy shorts


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> I also rock the hipsters/boy shorts


yep my favorite! I do like how my tiny ass looks ( I dont have a nice ass... sad face


----------



## badcompany

ne9907 said:


> yep my favorite! I do like how my tiny ass looks ( I dont have a nice ass... sad face


That is easy enough to fix....ice cream, bacon, steak, bacon.....


----------



## Another Planet

badcompany said:


> That is easy enough to fix....ice cream, bacon, steak, bacon.....


And squats!! Yum I love a firm ass


----------



## ne9907

badcompany said:


> That is easy enough to fix....ice cream, bacon, steak, bacon.....


:rofl::rofl:

I love bacon and steak!!


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> I'm sure that because my marriage was virtually sexless, I place an absolute premium on physical chemistry. I find it really easy to find people that I like to spend time and do things with. *It's finding someone that I like to spend time and do naked things with that is harder*, so I'd rather establish the chemistry and build from there.


Well, I agree with the bolded. I came from a very sexually fulfilling marriage so maybe that is also part of why I can't just boff some random. I just.. it doesn't work for me. It's just rare that I find someone I want to knock boots with. Rarities. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> Or as my kiddo calls - "boy shorts" - and half the butt cheek hangs out of them.


Actually, they were listed as "boy pants" on Topshop. Hipsters/boy pants/hot pants.



vi_bride04 said:


> Its not about dating. Its about making social connections and who knows, maybe you will meet someone you click with.


I hear ya. Solely for social connections. With that said, I simply don't feel like I want to date even in a non-meet up setting. Just seems exhausting.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> And squats!! Yum I love a firm ass


not to brag or anything, but my ass is pretty firm. Have always been a runner (except for the past eight months) but getting back to it!

OH!!! Which reminds me.. .Have you all heard of the Tough Mudder races?? I am doing one!!

and also thinking about doing a Color Run!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I hear ya. Solely for social connections. With that said, I simply don't feel like I want to date even in a non-meet up setting. Just seems exhausting.


So how you plan on meeting your goal of getting laid this year since you don't do the casual thing?

Almost 4 months into 2014 already


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> not to brag or anything, but my ass is pretty firm. Have always been a runner (except for the past eight months) but getting back to it!
> 
> OH!!! Which reminds me.. .Have you all heard of the Tough Mudder races?? I am doing one!!
> 
> and also thinking about doing a Color Run!


Bleacher was training for a color run in May until she broke her toe on a coffee table 
I was suppose to run a 10k in Iowa called the leprechaun chase which was of course the weekend before St Patties...but it snowed 

I hate running anyway, I would waste away from the extra cardio. Already too skinny as it is.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> So how you plan on meeting your goal of getting laid this year since you don't do the casual thing?
> 
> 
> Almost 4 months into 2014 already


Thanks for the reminder. 



At this point, I am going to start looking into a convent to check into.

Oh and I do love how you are all supporting me on my _Get Laid in 2014 Mission._ 

You guys are the best friend a gal could have. :smthumbup:


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> not to brag or anything, but my ass is pretty firm. Have always been a runner (except for the past eight months) but getting back to it!
> 
> OH!!! Which reminds me.. .Have you all heard of the Tough Mudder races?? I am doing one!!
> 
> and also thinking about doing a Color Run!


Oorah!
What is Tough Mudder? - YouTube

Me! Me!


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> Oorah!
> What is Tough Mudder? - YouTube
> 
> Me! Me!


In the Army, we had an obstacle course kinda like that, minus the mud. I need to train for it!!

I am super excited! I have until October, so I will be gravy (I think!)
Out team is called "Suck it!"

So yeah, marriage suck it!, divorce suck it! bad ugly dates suck it!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

My sis is really into those Tough Mudders, Ne. Go for it!


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Well, I agree with the bolded. I came from a very sexually fulfilling marriage so maybe that is also part of why I can't just boff some random. I just.. it doesn't work for me. It's just rare that I find someone I want to knock boots with. Rarities.


To thine own self be true, I always say. I also get the impression that you have a much more romantic soul than I do. My soul seems to be deeply rooted in pragmatism, lol. It takes A LOT for me to get emotional about just about anything except maybe my family and dogs. I honestly can't even identify when people talk about being "swept off their feet" or "falling head over heels". That makes it much more sensible to me to just go on a couple of dates, assess for social attraction, physical attraction and if one or the other isn't there, cross them off the list and move along.


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> not to brag or anything, but my ass is pretty firm. Have always been a runner (except for the past eight months) but getting back to it!
> 
> OH!!! Which reminds me.. .Have you all heard of the Tough Mudder races?? I am doing one!!
> 
> and also thinking about doing a Color Run!


I've done a couple of mud runs. They're super fun. Especially if you get to do costumes and stuff! Never the Tough Mudder though. Partly because I hate going up in the mountains and that always seems to be where they're at and partly because I'm afraid of the electric obstacle at the end. That freaks the hell out of me!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Jeez, my idea of what a mud-run is was waaaaay off.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> To thine own self be true, I always say. I also get the impression that you have a much more romantic soul than I do.


Really? Maybe I am a romantic? Most of the time I feel devoid of emotion. :rofl: :smthumbup:

And hey, my only request is to get some for me, Cog. Take one for the team!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



badcompany said:


> That is easy enough to fix....ice cream, bacon, steak, bacon.....


I have a friend who makes home made bacon ice cream.

Not my thing, but his recipe has many adorers. I prefer my ice cream and bacon in separate sittings.


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> Really? Maybe I am a romantic? Most of the time I feel devoid of emotion. :rofl: :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> And hey, my only request is to get some for me, Cog. Take one for the team!



Lol---sorry doll, you're at bat! I'm getting sidelined, so I'm designating you as my pinch hitter . I have lost the medical lotto and have officially experienced every non-fatal adverse event since my surgery last spring and will be going in for another day surgery at the end of April. With all the ultrasounds and pre-op exams between now and then, it's not looking good on the nookie front for me for the next month and a half. Mr. Mantastic will have to become Mr. Handtastic, lol!


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> I have a friend who makes home made bacon ice cream.
> 
> Not my thing, but his recipe has many adorers. I prefer my ice cream and bacon in separate sittings.


I dont normally eat ice cream, But I bet it would be delicious with bacon bits in it!

I love the way bacon tastes with syrup on it!

An awkward moment just happened ot me. I received a text from someone who knew my name and several of the things I do/like.

I ended up asking who this was! It was a friend from way back, I never bothered inpuiting his number on my new phone haha


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> So whats the rules on sex? How long do I have to wait? Be completely honest with me because I am not sure I am in control of this very well and I personally see it happening sooner then later.


Why wait at all?


----------



## whitehawk

ls anybody else finding baggage a big issue with new people , dates ?

A lot of you guys are going for younger so maybe not , don't know .
But for me it's the late 30's to anywhere 40s and everyone so far bar one , has serious head stuff going on.

Such a shame because with us being here , we've hopefully worked through our stuff here at TAM and learn how to deal with it. But there seems to be so many people out there l'm finding , that haven't gotten the right help. And so now , in some cases even 10yrs later they've really gotten nowhere, yet aren't even aware of how their crap , is still interfering with their head and things with someone new .

l just want a clear headed, free and ready to live women , no bs . Seeming like a challenge to find it though.
Plenty out there but on one hand they're all insisting on no baggage, yet they're still carrying around their own . Weird !


----------



## muskrat

We all have baggage. It is how we deal with it that matters. Finding someone that has their baggage under control is a real problem.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> We all have baggage. It is how we deal with it that matters. Finding someone that has their baggage under control is a real problem.


Wise words and very true about trying to date...lol


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I dont normally eat ice cream, But I bet it would be delicious with bacon bits in it!
> 
> I love the way bacon tastes with syrup on it!
> 
> An awkward moment just happened ot me. I received a text from someone who knew my name and several of the things I do/like.
> 
> I ended up asking who this was! It was a friend from way back, I never bothered inpuiting his number on my new phone haha


Standard response:
"Sorry, just got a new phone and don't have my numbers programmed yet. Who's this?"

If it's someone you talk to all the time, they'll know you're telling the truth, so no biggie.

If it's someone you haven't talked to in a while, they realize, "Sh!t, I'm a crappy friend, it's been son long since I called her that she deleted me." They're too ashamed of themselves to call you on it. They platonically ghosted you, and you rightfully took them out of your phone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Got it.
lf we're on an online thing , there should be a "good to go box".
You can only tick that box if you have been certified " good to go " - with certificate :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Got it.
> lf we're on an online thing , there should be a "good to go box".
> You can only tick that box if you have been certified " good to go " - with certificate :rofl:


I believe that's already part of the contract for Tinder.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Standard response:
> "Sorry, just got a new phone and don't have my numbers programmed yet. Who's this?"
> 
> If it's someone you talk to all the time, they'll know you're telling the truth, so no biggie.
> 
> If it's someone you haven't talked to in a while, they realize, "Sh!t, I'm a crappy friend, it's been son long since I called her that she deleted me." They're too ashamed of themselves to call you on it. They platonically ghosted you, and you rightfully took them out of your phone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So true. He kept apologizing.


----------



## lisab0105

whitehawk said:


> ls anybody else finding baggage a big issue with new people , dates ?
> 
> A lot of you guys are going for younger so maybe not , don't know .
> But for me it's the late 30's to anywhere 40s and everyone so far bar one , has serious head stuff going on.
> 
> Such a shame because with us being here , we've hopefully worked through our stuff here at TAM and learn how to deal with it. But there seems to be so many people out there l'm finding , that haven't gotten the right help. And so now , in some cases even 10yrs later they've really gotten nowhere, yet aren't even aware of how their crap , is still interfering with their head and things with someone new .
> 
> l just want a clear headed, free and ready to live women , no bs . Seeming like a challenge to find it though.
> Plenty out there but on one hand they're all insisting on no baggage, yet they're still carrying around their own . Weird !


Everyone has baggage, it's called life experiences. I don't care how together you think you have it...you still have "baggage." 

I am surprised anyone on TAM would even use the word baggage with a negative connotation. We, more than anyone, should know sometimes the scars just run deep.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Everyone has baggage, it's called life experiences. I don't care how together you think you have it...you still have "baggage."
> 
> I am surprised anyone on TAM would even use the word baggage with a negative connotation. We, more than anyone, should know sometimes the scars just run deep.


I agree Lisa. Especially for people my age, the 40+ folks, you cannot get to this point in life with no baggage, it just isnt possible. The trick is finding someone who is willing to help you carry that baggage and eventually unpack it and put it away.


----------



## ne9907

Train has a beautiful song that reminds me to not be ashamed of my baggage, itscalled BRUISES....


----------



## nice777guy

lisab0105 said:


> Everyone has baggage, it's called life experiences. I don't care how together you think you have it...you still have "baggage."
> 
> 
> 
> I am surprised anyone on TAM would even use the word baggage with a negative connotation. We, more than anyone, should know sometimes the scars just run deep.



Amen. If you are my age (40+) and don't have baggage, then I'd wonder what you've been doing with your life...


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> ls anybody else finding baggage a big issue with new people , dates ?
> 
> A lot of you guys are going for younger so maybe not , don't know .
> 
> Plenty out there but on one hand they're all insisting on no baggage, yet they're still carrying around their own . Weird !


I've got way more baggage than I know how to handle, so, I'm not worrying about who else does right now. I tend to be spending free time with younger men who aren't looking for anything serious, so any baggage on either side is not much of an issue. We're all damaged in one way or another and...no matter how self aware we feel, others can see the damage that we can't.


----------



## vi_bride04

Uh oh I think we like each other 

FOREIGN TERRITORY!!! Ahhhhhh


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> We all have baggage. It is how we deal with it that matters. Finding someone that has their baggage under control is a real problem.



Exactly Rat .


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> Everyone has baggage, it's called life experiences. I don't care how together you think you have it...you still have "baggage."
> 
> I am surprised anyone on TAM would even use the word baggage with a negative connotation. We, more than anyone, should know sometimes the scars just run deep.



l know lisa . And you read that word all the time on Tam btw but in date sites very often.
l'm not sure where the line is but l can deal with mine lf they can deal with there's you know, l'll even help :smthumbup:

People have to be aware of the self sabotage effect though if they wanna move on and be happy , don't they ?


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Train has a beautiful song that reminds me to not be ashamed of my baggage, itscalled BRUISES....




No never be ashamed of your baggage ne , we all cop [email protected] in life and any good man should be happy to help .
We've just gotta be careful where we keep it you know !


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I've got way more baggage than I know how to handle, so, I'm not worrying about who else does right now. I tend to be spending free time with younger men who aren't looking for anything serious, so any baggage on either side is not much of an issue. We're all damaged in one way or another and...no matter how self aware we feel, others can see the damage that we can't.


Go younger ya reckon. Funny thing though in vise versa , young chicks love me l could be fkg my brains out every night but l know it'll get complicated because they also then fall in love and wanna make babies .


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Train has a beautiful song that reminds me to not be ashamed of my baggage, itscalled BRUISES....



That's a great song!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> Go younger ya reckon. Funny thing though in vise versa , young chicks love me l could be fkg my brains out every night but l know it'll get complicated because they also then fall in love and wanna make babies .


So are you looking for something more substantial then? Cause if you're not....well then have at it. 

But anyone 40 plus who doesn't have "baggage" I would question as well. There's a guy I met a while back - 44, single, never married and no kids. Nice guy (lives in my hood) but I put up a wall right away. Those are all just red flags to me. Why hasn't he at least been married?? I'd rather find someone with baggage and help them thru.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Oh and maybe the ones that are weirdos and still effed in the head you include the tam website address in your "thanks but no thanks" reply lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Lol---sorry doll, you're at bat! I'm getting sidelined, so I'm designating you as my pinch hitter


Hehe. Noted. Hope you recover soon.



whitehawk said:


> ls anybody else finding baggage a big issue with new people , dates ?
> 
> A lot of you guys are going for younger so maybe not , don't know .
> But for me it's the late 30's to anywhere 40s and everyone so far bar one , has serious head stuff going on.
> 
> Such a shame because with us being here , we've hopefully worked through our stuff here at TAM and learn how to deal with it. But there seems to be so many people out there l'm finding , that haven't gotten the right help. And so now , in some cases even 10yrs later they've really gotten nowhere, yet aren't even aware of how their crap , is still interfering with their head and things with someone new .
> 
> l just want a clear headed, free and ready to live women , no bs . Seeming like a challenge to find it though.
> Plenty out there but on one hand they're all insisting on no baggage, yet they're still carrying around their own . Weird !


The irony is that these women you are going on dates with probably think YOU have baggage. Seriously. Oh Whitehawk, you can't be so naive to think you have zero baggage, especially after a divorce. 

I personally haven't been going "younger," as you say, and find that older folks (older than me) have some baggage just like I do. It's called LIFE. Sh!t happens. If you think you're going to find someone without a past or that has a clean slate who nothing from their previous years has affected them in any way, then you are in for a rude awakening. Truly.



whitehawk said:


> Go younger ya reckon. Funny thing though in vice versa , young chicks love me l could be fkg my brains out every night but l know it'll get complicated because they also then fall in love and wanna make babies .


God forbid someone actually fall in love. (Sarcasm).
I do hope you are telling these ladies straight up that you only want to sleep with them and don't do feeling/love/marriage/babies. Because if not, then you aren't being honest with them about what you want. Leading people on is the worst.



familyfirst09 said:


> But anyone 40 plus who doesn't have "baggage" I would question as well. There's a guy I met a while back - 44, single, never married and no kids. Nice guy (lives in my hood) but I put up a wall right away. Those are all just red flags to me. Why hasn't he at least been married??


What if he's just not into marriage or hasn't met anyone he has wanted to marry? I personally don't think it's weird in every case. For instance: For me personally, I don't want to marry again. Granted, I've been married but to me it doesn't seem so nutty that someone simply hasn't wanted to be married. It's not for everyone. Self-awareness goes a long way. Now if the guy has never had a relationship, then yeah that may be odd by his mid-40s.


----------



## familyfirst09

Well if he has never been married cause he doesn't want to then he would not have been for me anyways then cause I'm one of the crazy ones who actually wants to get married again!!! Just next time around it will be with the RIGHT one!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Well if he has never been married cause he doesn't want to then he would not have been for me anyways then c*ause I'm one of the crazy ones who actually wants to get married again!*!!


:rofl:

"Just with the right person" is what i said the first time which is why I am wary and my eyes are open WIDE. Or I have just taken the marital thing off the table. Seems better. Seriously. For me, one marriage/divorce was enough.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nah, not me. I didn't get it right the first time so I will try again, lol. I'm no where near ready, still figuring out what I want and don't want, and working thru my own issues so I will be ready when he comes along 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Seriously! No exes, no kids, AND 40's? That would be the Holy Grail in my book. Especially if he was happy to keep it that way!


----------



## familyfirst09

COGypsy said:


> Seriously! No exes, no kids, AND 40's? That would be the Holy Grail in my book. Especially if he was happy to keep it that way!



Oh he had exes - a lot of them....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. So were any of his relationships long term?


----------



## familyfirst09

Doesn't sound like it. I think there was one that lasted around 6 or 7 months - she and her child moved in with him almost immediately...stooopid
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh my. Lol.


----------



## Fenix

Baggage is a funny thing. I still don't know how I am dealing with mine.... Sometimes, I wonder how I will handle (and if I will recognize) the LT ramifications.

meh. I will worry about it tomorrow!


----------



## muskrat

We all have a past, that is life. I personally feel that if you are dating the right person a lot of your "baggage" should be a none issue. For me, after going through the whole adultery thing, I need to find someone who is very open and honest. I know I have some trust issues, but how my partner lives their life will go a long way for me feeling secure in a relationship. I also like to think I have learned how to deal with my issues better than I ever did before.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Uh oh I think we like each other
> 
> FOREIGN TERRITORY!!! Ahhhhhh


That's awesome!


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> We all have a past, that is life. I personally feel that if you are dating the right person a lot of your "baggage" should be a none issue. For me, after going through the whole adultery thing, I need to find someone who is very open and honest. I know I have some trust issues, but how my partner lives their life will go a long way for me feeling secure in a relationship. I also like to think I have learned how to deal with my issues better than I ever did before.


muskrat, I think that those are some astute observations on compatibility. If people have a willingness to be open and vulnerable with each other, the integrity to be honest, the self-awareness to examine their own problems when they arise, and a realistic awareness of the aims of themselves and their partners in a relationship everything else becomes back-story. I think that what we call baggage is probably just a set of unresolved issues that don't fit into a situation; people often try being in situations that they know won't be accommodating of all that stuff and that's when it becomes dramatic.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Uh oh I think we like each other
> 
> FOREIGN TERRITORY!!! Ahhhhhh


Very cool VI...

take your time, remember to observe dont get swept up until he earns you


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Baggage is a funny thing. I still don't know how I am dealing with mine.... Sometimes, I wonder how I will handle (and if I will recognize) the LT ramifications.
> 
> meh. I will worry about it tomorrow!


I know what you mean! Almost every day, there is something else that I learn, that I process, that I realize. It has occurred that this may be a life-long thing, getting "over" my marriage.

Today/this morning, for instance:

This morning, I read this blog post. While Voldemort and I weren't married for 28 years or had children, there were still some things about this post that resonated with me, but I couldn't put a finger on it, exactly.

And then it hit me.

Over the course of our marriage counseling session, his only real complaint about me was that I didn't keep the house clean enough. For years, I had wracked my brain to figure out why he treated me the way he did, and I blamed myself. I thought if only I loved him more, or if I was more supportive, if I was thinner, if I was prettier... I thought there was something wrong with me. But... he pushed me away, stonewalled me, refused me physical intimacy, all _because I didn't keep the house clean enough_.

Because I didn't keep the house clean enough.

Because I wasn't a good enough MAID.

Funny, I don't recall that being part of our wedding vows. Now, I don't claim to be a tidy person. I'm a fair bit of a slob, actually, but I do my best. I take out the trash, I clean the little box every day, I like to have the bed made, I keep the dishes washed and there's no rotting food in the fridge; but there's clutter. It's the way I've always been. In my apartment, books are piled everywhere, and I have clothes and purses all over the place. I've always been like this. I was like this before we got married, and he knew it. I was like this when I lived alone and we were dating, and I was like this for the five years we lived together before we got married. He knew I was like this, I've ALWAYS been like this, and he decided he was going to punish me for BEING MYSELF.

That's fvcked up, y'all.

But that's Voldemort being fvcked up, that's not me being fvcked up. And when I have those little realizations, another little part of me heals.

I don't need someone else to fix me, I'm doing it myself, one little piece at a time.


----------



## Jellybeans

Great article, Feminist. Oh man, I think a lot of that article will resonate with many people.

This particularly stood out to me: _During that time, her husband had repeatedly talked about divorce._

I have read similar things in other divorce articles. One said that the minute one person starts talking the D all the time, that it's the beginning of the end. How horrible. It seems like this guy was never committed in the first place.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I know what you mean! Almost every day, there is something else that I learn, that I process, that I realize. It has occurred that this may be a life-long thing, getting "over" my marriage.
> 
> Today/this morning, for instance:
> 
> This morning, I read this blog post. While Voldemort and I weren't married for 28 years or had children, there were still some things about this post that resonated with me, but I couldn't put a finger on it, exactly.
> 
> And then it hit me.
> 
> Over the course of our marriage counseling session, his only real complaint about me was that I didn't keep the house clean enough. For years, I had wracked my brain to figure out why he treated me the way he did, and I blamed myself. * I thought if only I loved him more, or if I was more supportive, if I was thinner, if I was prettier... I thought there was something wrong with me. But... he pushed me away, stonewalled me, refused me physical intimacy,* all _because I didn't keep the house clean enough_.
> 
> Because I didn't keep the house clean enough.
> 
> Because I wasn't a good enough MAID.
> 
> Funny, I don't recall that being part of our wedding vows. Now, I don't claim to be a tidy person. I'm a fair bit of a slob, actually, but I do my best. I take out the trash, I clean the little box every day, I like to have the bed made, I keep the dishes washed and there's no rotting food in the fridge; but there's clutter. It's the way I've always been. In my apartment, books are piled everywhere, and I have clothes and purses all over the place. I've always been like this. I was like this before we got married, and he knew it. I was like this when I lived alone and we were dating, and I was like this for the five years we lived together before we got married. He knew I was like this, I've ALWAYS been like this, and he decided he was going to punish me for BEING MYSELF.
> 
> That's fvcked up, y'all.
> 
> But that's Voldemort being fvcked up, that's not me being fvcked up. And when I have those little realizations, another little part of me heals.
> 
> *I don't need someone else to fix me, I'm doing it myself, one little piece at a time*.


Ouch, ouch, ouch....

Maybe I am too emotional because of shark week, but the bolded part hit me hard...

I am not over my marriage, I might never be over it, I am learning to live my life with the knowledge that my marriage ended.

I dont need someone to fix me either, because I am not broken. I may be a bit over sensitive, crazy, emotional, but I am me.


----------



## unsure78

I need some amusement today please... someone tell me something funny


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> I need some amusement today please... someone tell me something funny


I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere


----------



## unsure78

HAHAHAHAH Jelly ansd NE!


----------



## COGypsy

unsure78 said:


> I need some amusement today please... someone tell me something funny


Ok, here you go: Something funny.





:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## vi_bride04

When JB finally gets laid


----------



## Jellybeans

For you online daters


----------



## unsure78

COGypsy said:


> Ok, here you go: Something funny.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


hahahah


----------



## unsure78

thank you guys for making me laugh


----------



## unsure78

VI are you going to dish about your date?


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> When JB finally gets laid


Hahaha. It's gonna be awesome. I'm gonna be like 

:woohoo:


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> VI are you going to dish about your date?


Oh, and I wonder how AP's sleepover went


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Oh, and I wonder how AP's sleepover went


Ooo thats right hes been quiet......... 



wtf all the men disappeared from this thread... we need more testosterone around here


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> *Maybe I am too emotional because of shark week, *but the bolded part hit me hard...


Wait, it's Shark Week? I thought that wasn't til the summer. Oh no! I need to set my DVR!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Oh, and I wonder how AP's sleepover went


I hope she didn't bleach him to death...


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I hope she didn't bleach him to death...


:lol:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

Ok now THAT was funny!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> :lol:
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> Ok now THAT was funny!


I watch way too much Investigation Discovery. Lol. 



vi_bride04 said:


>


:rofl: Those are good, vi!


----------



## Disenchanted

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond but by the end you wish u had a club and a spade.


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond but by the end you wish u had a club and a spade.


Alls I thought of when I read this was "Man, that is a HORRIBLE euchre hand!" 

LOL


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I watch way too much Investigation Discovery. Lol.


Jelly I totally watch the ID channel all the time too........ 

Deadly Women is my jam... you know the next man that pisses me off is totally in trouble ...hahahahah


----------



## arbitrator

Disenchanted said:


> *Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond but by the end you wish u had a club and a spade.*


*And then you end up at your local County Court House holding Court before and finding yourself largely trusting both your own as well as your families future to some self-righteous, holier-than-thou, uncaring, over-educated, couldn't begin to hack it as a lawyer in the Court Room, campaign contribution seeking, and politically-minded*


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Ooo thats right hes been quiet.........
> 
> 
> 
> wtf all the men disappeared from this thread... we need more testosterone around here


A room full of beautiful, single women looking for a man. I'm on my way!!:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> A room full of beautiful, single women looking for a man. I'm on my way!!:rofl:


LOL Rat.... (just DONT wear the leather chaps) heheheheeh


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> LOL Rat.... (just DONT wear the leather chaps) heheheheeh


Deal!!! Damn, you ladies don't forget anything! :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

So it turns out I will be staying in a convent for the next 3 nights. That should be interesting. :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Jelly I totally watch the ID channel all the time too........
> 
> Deadly Women is my jam... you know the next man that pisses me off is totally in trouble ...hahahahah


I love those shows too. 

As a man they just go to show you 1. Be careful who you have sex with. And 2. Don't cheat on women..... EVER!

That second one I cannot stress enough. A lot of women will go after the OW, but some are equally parts smart and crazy and will just kill their cheating husband/boyfriend.

I don't care how smart you think you are and if you think you can get away with it, do not trust that your wife or girlfriend will let you get away with it even one time.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> Deal!!! Damn, you ladies don't forget anything! :rofl:


Did you learn nothing from marriage?


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> So it turns out I will be staying in a convent for the next 3 nights. That should be interesting. :scratchhead:


What's up with that?



Nsweet said:


> As a man they just go to show you 1. Be careful who you have sex with. And 2. Don't cheat on women..... EVER!
> 
> That second one I cannot stress enough. A lot of women will go after the OW, *but some are equally parts smart and crazy and will just kill their cheating husband/boyfriend.*


Equal parts smart and crazy. Molotov c0cktail. HAHAHAHA :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I know what you mean! Almost every day, there is something else that I learn, that I process, that I realize. It has occurred that this may be a life-long thing, getting "over" my marriage.
> 
> Today/this morning, for instance:
> 
> This morning, I read this blog post. While Voldemort and I weren't married for 28 years or had children, there were still some things about this post that resonated with me, but I couldn't put a finger on it, exactly.
> 
> And then it hit me.
> 
> Over the course of our marriage counseling session, his only real complaint about me was that I didn't keep the house clean enough. For years, I had wracked my brain to figure out why he treated me the way he did, and I blamed myself. I thought if only I loved him more, or if I was more supportive, if I was thinner, if I was prettier... I thought there was something wrong with me. But... he pushed me away, stonewalled me, refused me physical intimacy, all _because I didn't keep the house clean enough_.
> 
> Because I didn't keep the house clean enough.
> 
> Because I wasn't a good enough MAID.
> 
> Funny, I don't recall that being part of our wedding vows. Now, I don't claim to be a tidy person. I'm a fair bit of a slob, actually, but I do my best. I take out the trash, I clean the little box every day, I like to have the bed made, I keep the dishes washed and there's no rotting food in the fridge; but there's clutter. It's the way I've always been. In my apartment, books are piled everywhere, and I have clothes and purses all over the place. I've always been like this. I was like this before we got married, and he knew it. I was like this when I lived alone and we were dating, and I was like this for the five years we lived together before we got married. He knew I was like this, I've ALWAYS been like this, and he decided he was going to punish me for BEING MYSELF.
> 
> That's fvcked up, y'all.
> 
> But that's Voldemort being fvcked up, that's not me being fvcked up. And when I have those little realizations, another little part of me heals.
> 
> I don't need someone else to fix me, I'm doing it myself, one little piece at a time.


And that is exactly how a lot of marriages end because of resentment over not meeting others expectations and then working harder in the areas we are naturally good at thinking that will overpower the SO's want for you to meet those needs you are failing at then you get massive resentment because you are working harder but they still aren't happy so you feel rejected because you were working very hard....but you were doing it in the wrong way so the SO was never happy.

Some people just don't work period...which book was that kind of stuff in...the "5 love languages" or one of those?


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> What's up with that?


I am going to Staten Island on a missions trip with my church. We are going to help rebuild from Hurricane Sandy. All the men get to stay on the first floor and the ladies on the third. I guess they don't trust a group of adults to co mingle. :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> And that is exactly how a lot of marriages end because of resentment over not meeting others expectations


I think resentment is pretty much the death knell to any relationship. 



muskrat said:


> . All the men get to stay on the first floor and the ladies on the third. I guess they don't trust a group of adults to co mingle. :scratchhead:


Aw. It's going to be like back in school days! Have fun


----------



## Ikaika

muskrat said:


> I am going to Staten Island on a missions trip with my church. We are going to help rebuild from Hurricane Sandy. All the men get to stay on the first floor and the ladies on the third. I guess they don't trust a group of adults to co mingle. :scratchhead:



Catholic school, oh boy... The memories. I even have evidence I should post in my album. Sister Mary Arthur, the name makes me shutter, reminds me of

http://youtu.be/ujxDA9VsQG4


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Oh, and I wonder how AP's sleepover went


lol...I went home...I was over late like 12:30. We just hung out and I fixed her PC and talked a lot, she acts like a teenager in love though it's kind of funny. We have a lot of fun...SOOOOO not my exWife but oddly similar to my exGF.

I kind of made the decision I wasn't letting anything happen before I went over. Now tonight might be a different story


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> And that is exactly how a lot of marriages end because of resentment over not meeting others expectations and then working harder in the areas we are naturally good at thinking that will overpower the SO's want for you to meet those needs you are failing at then you get massive resentment because you are working harder but they still aren't happy so you feel rejected because you were working very hard....but you were doing it in the wrong way so the SO was never happy.
> 
> Some people just don't work period...which book was that kind of stuff in...the "5 love languages" or one of those?


Actually it has more to do with that SO telling you what they think will make you happy, without telling you any of their feelings or the real reasons that they are upset.

I know I got it too. My ex wife told me I needed to make more money, be nicer, and go back to school. Pretty much everything I had to work on and nothing she wanted to work on. But really she was a very childish woman and the real reason she cheated and left wasn't because she was unhappy, it was because she wanted to push me around and completely take over the marriage and I wouldn't let her. I did not let my ex wife bully me and my family around.

And the only reason why she game me such BS superficial thing she wanted me to work on was because she was lying. At that point she was bored with me and already triangulating an affair with the pos pothead man-child OM. He must have been smarter than I thought because he left her.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

You all remember the Tinder guy who said to me he did not want to come see yet because he knew we would have sex, but he also knew I wasnt ready for that?

Well, i quit talkign to him, this was like last week. 

Today, i received a text from him, he told me that one of his good friends passed away yesterday. I told him I was very sorry for his loss, he shared some of his feelings towards the fragility of life etc.

converstation ended with him texting he needed to notify all of his friends, and make more phone calls.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> You all remember the Tinder guy who said to me he did not want to come see yet because he knew we would have sex, but he also knew I wasnt ready for that?
> 
> Well, i quit talkign to him, this was like last week.
> 
> Today, i received a text from him, he told me that one of his good friends passed away yesterday. I told him I was very sorry for his loss, he shared some of his feelings towards the fragility of life etc.
> 
> converstation ended with him texting he needed to notify all of his friends, and make more phone calls.


SOOOOO he thought you would pity fvck him?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> SOOOOO he thought you would pity fvck him?


haha
you are such a cynic lol.... I hope not.


I dont know, I think he was just sharing.


----------



## unsure78

another planet said:


> sooooo he thought you would pity fvck him?


bingo!


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> bingo!


omg, really??

I am so naive .... a pity fvck was not even on my radar....


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> omg, really??
> 
> I am so naive .... a pity fvck was not even on my radar....


Yea, Really.....


----------



## Another Planet

lol yeah that is what he was doing...."maybe if I make her feel sorry for me she will sleep with me "


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> omg, really??
> 
> I am so naive .... a pity fvck was not even on my radar....


Really NE? You can't see what is going on?

He NE. I don't respect you enough to call you back.... But apparently I can't find anyone to have sex with. So can I make up a bunch of crap about a dead friend, quote some poetry by Robert Frost, pretend to be really hurt and emotional, and then squeeze a pity date out at the end?

My friend died. So will you f*ck me?


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Yea, Really.....





Another Planet said:


> lol yeah that is what he was doing...."maybe if I make her feel sorry for me she will sleep with me "





Nsweet said:


> Really NE? You can't see what is going on?
> 
> He NE. I don't respect you enough to call you back.... But apparently I can't find anyone to have sex with. So can I make up a bunch of crap about a dead friend, quote some poetry by Robert Frost, pretend to be really hurt and emotional, and then squeeze a pity date out at the end?
> 
> My friend died. So will you f*ck me?


Wow...
Talk about cruel cold world!!

I am at work, giggling like a freaking idiot because your explanations ring sooo true! The sort of laughter filled with disbelief but understanding!


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> My friend died. So will you f*ck me?


That needs to be a t-shirt at a funeral home.

Funeral crashers!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> That needs to be a t-shirt at a funeral home.
> 
> Funeral crashers!


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Wow...
> Talk about cruel cold world!!


Get used to it.... a lot of men ( and im sure from the other end women)

LIE!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> *he shared some of his feelings towards the fragility of life etc.
> 
> converstation ended with him texting he needed to notify all of his friends, and make more phone calls*.


I really hate these games some times...they just suck, some people just really suck.

He made you feel sorry for him to lure you in, then shared some tender moments to get you to nibble, then he told you how important he was he set the hook, then he left you hanging to reel you in.....


----------



## Nsweet

Ne, let me just put it to you like this. If I've used those lines on 20-somethings, then you shouldn't be falling for them.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I really hate these games some times...they just suck, some people just really suck.
> 
> He made you feel sorry for him to lure you in, then shared some tender moments to get you to nibble, then he told you how important he was he set the hook, then he left you hanging to reel you in.....


somehow I feel like I have been ****ed... and he didnt even smacked my ass nor called me pretty.

I know this is very small, and probably not a big deal for some of you but I really believe people 

I know there are bad devious people in the world, but it is strange to actually be part of their plans.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Ne, let me just put it to you like this. If I've used those lines on 20-somethings, then you shouldn't be falling for them.


yeah, thing is. I almost feel as if I am emotionally at 22 (Age I got married).

I was married for 14 years... I do not know much about the dating world...


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Ne, let me just put it to you like this. If I've used those lines on 20-somethings, then you shouldn't be falling for them.


This gives me a chuckle. Being that you are 20-something yourself.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> yeah, thing is. I almost feel as if I am emotionally at 22 (Age I got married).
> 
> I was married for 14 years... I do not know much about the dating world...


Oh gosh. There is a sliver in what you are saying that I can expand to my own situation. I met my husband when I was 22ish and we divorced when I turned 30. That's a good amount of time in my adult years. Dating is so weird to me now.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> somehow I feel like I have been ****ed... and he didnt even smacked my ass nor called me pretty.
> 
> I know this is very small, and probably not a big deal for some of you but I really believe people
> 
> I know there are bad devious people in the world, but it is strange to actually be part of their plans.


NE repeat after me..... ACTIONS NOT WORDS...

dont just believe what people are telling you, look at their actions to make your judgements.... they need to earn your trust especially in dating, they should not be just given implicit trust


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> This gives me a chuckle. Being that you are 20-something yourself.


So I take it you don't want to come back to my place for some pot and poetry? We can watch celebrity porn too. 

Oh that's right. You're not a stupid 20-something. 

In that case, I have a box of wine, a chocolate stash, and a bunch of romantic comedies. Don't worry about your kids. Here's money for a sitter.

That's how you do it.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> In that case, I have a box of wine, a chocolate stash, and a bunch of romantic comedies*. Don't worry about your kids. Here's money for a sitter.*


Ah, you almost had me. I don't have children, though. 

Plus, you're like my little bro. I am sure that works fine on some older ladies though. 

And pot and poetry? Really? Hahaha. Come to think of it, I would have been all over that in college. Hahahahaha.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> And that is exactly how a lot of marriages end because of resentment over not meeting others expectations and then working harder in the areas we are naturally good at thinking that will overpower the SO's want for you to meet those needs you are failing at then you get massive resentment because you are working harder but they still aren't happy so you feel rejected because you were working very hard....but you were doing it in the wrong way so the SO was never happy.
> 
> Some people just don't work period...which book was that kind of stuff in...the "5 love languages" or one of those?


That might be the case for some, but not _exactly _what I was getting at. Part of it was love languages, and part of it was major dysfunction. I would tell him what I needed and wasn't getting; he would placate me and say, "we'll do better" and then intentionally do the exact opposite. I would ask him how I could be a better partner to him, and he would say "Nothing, I'm perfectly happy." He never told me about the "tidiness issue" - ten years, and he never communicated that to me, even when I explicitly asked what I could do better in our relationship. He would make an occasional joke about it in mixed company (red flag! me being the butt of his jokes!), but that was it.

The love languages thing makes total sense to me, but it only works if both people are actually engaged in the health of the relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Actually it has more to do with that SO telling you what they think will make you happy, without telling you any of their feelings or the real reasons that they are upset.
> 
> I know I got it too. My ex wife told me I needed to make more money, be nicer, and go back to school. Pretty much everything I had to work on and nothing she wanted to work on. But really she was a very childish woman and the real reason she cheated and left wasn't because she was unhappy, it was because she wanted to push me around and completely take over the marriage and I wouldn't let her. I did not let my ex wife bully me and my family around.
> 
> And the only reason why she game me such BS superficial thing she wanted me to work on was because she was lying. At that point she was bored with me and already triangulating an affair with the pos pothead man-child OM. He must have been smarter than I thought because he left her.:rofl:


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Exactly what my XH did. Said just enough to placate me and keep me from walking out the door.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> That might be the case for some, but not _exactly _what I was getting at. Part of it was love languages, and part of it was major dysfunction. I would tell him what I needed and wasn't getting; he would placate me and say, "we'll do better" and then intentionally do the exact opposite. I would ask him how I could be a better partner to him, and he would say "Nothing, I'm perfectly happy." He never told me about the "tidiness issue" - ten years, and he never communicated that to me, even when I explicitly asked what I could do better in our relationship. He would make an occasional joke about it in mixed company (red flag! me being the butt of his jokes!), but that was it.
> 
> The love languages thing makes total sense to me, but it only works if both people are actually engaged in the health of the relationship.


Wow, passive aggressive much? Man that sucks, here you are asking straight out, and getting stonewalled. Just, wow.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> yeah, thing is. I almost feel as if I am emotionally at 22 (Age I got married).
> 
> I was married for 14 years... I do not know much about the dating world...


Ne, I totally feel you on this! I met Voldemort when I was 22, and we were attached at the hip almost immediately. We were together for over 10 years.

It's so strange, because on one hand I do feel like, emotionally, I'm back at 22 again; on the other hand, I have all of this knowledge that I gained from this whole experience, and that makes me feel old and wizened. I feel like I know a lot more about myself and people in general, but still very little about relationships. Weird.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Ne, I totally feel you on this! I met Voldemort when I was 22, and we were attached at the hip almost immediately. We were together for over 10 years.
> 
> It's so strange, because on one hand I do feel like, emotionally, I'm back at 22 again; on the other hand, I have all of this knowledge that I gained from this whole experience, and that makes me feel old and wizened. I feel like I know a lot more about myself and people in general, but still very little about relationships. Weird.


I hear you. Or rather, you feel like you know a lot about only ONE relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Oh gosh. There is a sliver in what you are saying that I can expand to my own situation. I met my husband when I was 23 and we divorced when I turned 30. That's a good amount of time in my adult years. Dating is so weird to me now.


Bingo. I spent, essentially, my ENTIRE adult life, from 22 up until a little over a year ago, with my XH. A FULL THIRD of my life!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, passive aggressive much? Man that sucks, here you are asking straight out, and getting stonewalled. Just, wow.


OMG, totally passive aggressive. TOTALLY. I had to get out of it to recognize what was going on.

He's a textbook PA narcissist.


----------



## Jellybeans

Angel, Feminist, Ne, and Vi (I think you don't have kids?), you should chime in here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/178434-choice-not-have-kids.html


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you. Or rather, you feel like you know a lot about only ONE relationship.


But I have to say, I think the learning about myself has been the most important part of it. By far. I think that's the key to having healthy relationships moving forward.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Angel, Feminist, Ne, and Vi (I think you don't have kids?), you should chime in here:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/178434-choice-not-have-kids.html


Interesting. Definitely will.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> yeah, thing is. I almost feel as if I am emotionally at 22 (Age I got married).
> 
> I was married for 14 years... I do not know much about the dating world...


Then let me make it painfully clear for you. 

Men and women lie! Women are better at it, but men still lie just as much women do.

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Both lie about feelings to get what they want. And yes, women will lie to get sex just like men. 

*Don't f*ck anybody you don't trust!* I don't care if you think he's the one for you, if you just met you don't know him and you don't want to take those risks. Trust takes time, not booze and promises. 

*Don't f*ck anybody you pity!* There are lots of crazy assh*les who use the pity tactic to get you to overlook a lot of f*cked up sh!t they do and to have sex with you. Don't even try to rescue a man. If he is a man he will not want your help because he won't want to bring you down. 

*Don't think you're in love because the sex is good.* Some of the worst people are the best in bed that first night. And that's only because they are trying so hard to impress you. A Hitachi can do all the same things and you don't have to marry it.

If you don't know what you want, if you're blindly dating for "love" then you should not be dating. You need at least some idea of what you want and what are deal breakers for you, or else you're going to fall in love with whoever makes you feel good and you may pass over a good man thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side. 

*Generally don't be stupid.* If you hear some crazy sh!t that makes you go "Hmmm" then don't over look it. Don't be one of these women that thinks you can change a cheater into Mr. Perfect, get an alcoholic to stop drinking, clean up a drug addict, or reform an ex convict. Just don't do it! You help a shy guy find his confidence, but you can't turn a bad boy into a gentlemen anymore than you can a coke sl*t into a house wife. 

*DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT! And do your homework!* A lot of times the red flags you see will be exactly the same as some one else's story about an ex. And they will most definitely repeat. Do your homework on the guy and check his accounts online, search for his arrest records, and see for yourself if he's genuine or if he's stringing along you and a bunch of other women, or if he's still married and making you the OW.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> *Generally don't be stupid.*


You sound like my Dad. That is something he would say.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> somehow I feel like I have been ****ed... and he didnt even smacked my ass nor called me pretty.
> 
> I know this is very small, and probably not a big deal for some of you but I really believe people
> 
> I know there are bad devious people in the world, but it is strange to actually be part of their plans.


You know, a part of me would want to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he just needed someone to talk to and he has no close friends. But the fact he said he should tell his friends after talking with you (before people that actually know him) combined with him avoiding meeting because he would just want to fvck you but he respects you too much to do that (yeah sure that is why he is so noble for refraining lol) is pretty obvious that he is game playing (and honestly doing a really poor job of it)


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> OMG, totally passive aggressive. TOTALLY. I had to get out of it to recognize what was going on.
> 
> He's a textbook PA narcissist.


My ex was too and did the same exact crap. I would bring up concerns, he would passify me with words, but then do the complete opposite of what I asked. When I would call him out on it he always made me think I was crazy and making stuff up as he "would never think of deliberately doing the opposite of what I need/want". 

One example - in the middle of the night if he had to use the restroom he wouldn't turn on the light. P!ssed all over the floor and seat. I got up to use the restroom and stepped in a huge puddle. Gross....had a talk with him to please turn on the light to make sure he hit the toilet. It seemed from that point on he missed the toilet on purpose, even in the daytime...oh and then he always b!tched that I never cleaned the bathrooms - that was one of his biggest complaints. I probably would have if he learned how to aim better!


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, you almost had me. I don't have children, though.
> 
> Plus, you're like my little bro. I am sure that works fine on some older ladies though.
> 
> And pot and poetry? Really? Hahaha. Come to think of it, I would have been all over that in college. Hahahahaha.


In that case. I have a room filled with adorable babies and small puppies. See for yourself.:smthumbup:

While you're in there I'm going to be in the kitchen baking brownies. You can have as many as you like, but for every one you take I'm going to giving you a compliment.


----------



## Hoosier

You think you have it bad.... I started dating my xw my senior year in high school, dated all 4 years of college, got married 2 weeks after I graduated. Married 30 years until I found out about her affair, (2nd one I guess). There I was, 52 years old and never really dated! been with her over half my life.....talk about not knowing what was going on in the dating world!


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> My ex was too and did the same exact crap. I would bring up concerns, he would passify me with words, but then do the complete opposite of what I asked. When I would call him out on it he always made me think I was crazy and making stuff up as he "would never think of deliberately doing the opposite of what I need/want".
> 
> *Gaslighting.*
> 
> One example - in the middle of the night if he had to use the restroom he wouldn't turn on the light. P!ssed all over the floor and seat. I got up to use the restroom and stepped in a huge puddle. Gross....had a talk with him to please turn on the light to make sure he hit the toilet. It seemed from that point on he missed the toilet on purpose, even in the daytime...oh and then he always b!tched that I never cleaned the bathrooms - that was one of his biggest complaints. I probably would have if he learned how to aim better!
> 
> *D!ck move.*


One thing I learned in my short marriage was that you can't have a sit down discussion about issues if you're married to a child. It doesn't matter how slight your complaint is, if they take any criticism whatsoever very strongly then nothing is ever going to be their fault. 

As an adult would say "honey, I hear your complaint and I will try to work on it."

As child would say "It's your fault for not cleaning up" Screw you for having healthy rules and boundaries! I'm going to piss on the floor like a douch bag.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> While you're in there I'm going to be in the kitchen baking brownies. *You can have as many as you like, but for every one you take I'm going to giving you a compliment.*


Something like this? 

The Big Bang Theory - Sheldon Trains Penny - YouTube


----------



## Nsweet

Hoosier said:


> You think you have it bad.... I started dating my xw my senior year in high school, dated all 4 years of college, got married 2 weeks after I graduated. Married 30 years until I found out about her affair, (2nd one I guess). There I was, 52 years old and never really dated! been with her over half my life.....talk about not knowing what was going on in the dating world!


At least you got a college degree and 30 years of marriage out of it. That's better than most on this site. 

I got... 3 years of marriage, 1.5 years of which were separation and her screwing with me while she cheated. Honorable discharge from the Navy (not too bad), and dropped out of college three times (2 of which were do to complications with divorce. Oh, and those job related skills from the Navy are complete crap in the real world! At least I don't have kids and I dropped all the weight.


----------



## ne9907

So much knowledge today. This is the best thread, hands down...


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Something like this?
> 
> The Big Bang Theory - Sheldon Trains Penny - YouTube


Exactly!:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> My ex was too and did the same exact crap. I would bring up concerns, he would passify me with words, but then do the complete opposite of what I asked. When I would call him out on it he always made me think I was crazy and making stuff up as he "would never think of deliberately doing the opposite of what I need/want".
> 
> One example - in the middle of the night if he had to use the restroom he wouldn't turn on the light. P!ssed all over the floor and seat. I got up to use the restroom and stepped in a huge puddle. Gross....had a talk with him to please turn on the light to make sure he hit the toilet. It seemed from that point on he missed the toilet on purpose, even in the daytime...oh and then he always b!tched that I never cleaned the bathrooms - that was one of his biggest complaints. I probably would have if he learned how to aim better!


Voldemort did both of those, too -- I swear to god, they have a freaking playbook or something, don't they???

:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Voldemort did both of those, too -- I swear to god, they have a freaking playbook or something, don't they???
> 
> :rofl:


I have to :rofl: at the nicknames some of you give your ex's! Isnt Vi's ex Chinless??


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> I have to :rofl: at the nicknames some of you give your ex's! Isnt Vi's ex Chinless??


You're thinking of AngelPixie's ex.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I have to :rofl: at the nicknames some of you give your ex's! Isnt Vi's ex Chinless??


I need to give mine a nickname.


----------



## Nsweet

I called mine "Expensive" while I was with her. But "Fat, Hairy, BPD waif, Cheater" fits her better.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Voldemort did both of those, too -- I swear to god, they have a freaking playbook or something, don't they???
> 
> :rofl:


SERIOUSLY!!?? I don't care how NPD or PA you are, pissing all over the place is just so disgusting!!!! ugh...



3Xnocharm said:


> I have to :rofl: at the nicknames some of you give your ex's! Isnt Vi's ex Chinless??


LOL, no, thats Angel's ex. I actually don't have one for mine. Never thought he deserved one 

ETA - maybe he should be named Pissy Pants


----------



## Nsweet

No wait. "Kiwi" fits her better. She was hairy, brown, green with envy on the inside, never ready in time, spoiled rotten, and expensive as hell. 

OMG, that sounds like a great stand up joke.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

It has been snowing all day here. And I really don't want to go out in it. But man, does it look pretty. Like little marshmellows falling out of the sk.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> It has been snowing all day here. And I really don't want to go out in it. But man, does it look pretty. Like little marshmallows falling out of the sky.


----------



## vi_bride04

And I am nicknaming my ex "pissy pants"

His lack of bathroom skills as well as his constant b!tching and being angry about how everyone "wrongs him and screws him over"


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> And I am nicknaming my ex "pissy pants"
> 
> His lack of bathroom skills as well as his constant b!tching and being angry about how everyone "wrongs him and screws him over"


I don't know about that. Do you really want to imply that he's man enough for pants?

I have a few suggestions. 

*Wee-man*

*Mr. Pee-body*

*Pee-gina*


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> And I am nicknaming my ex "pissy pants"
> 
> His lack of bathroom skills as well as his constant b!tching and being angry about how everyone "wrongs him and screws him over"


Ugggghh some dudes are frkn sick...
Why do you ladies put up with that **** for any length of time? It's like a chimp throwing feces. I guess I put up with some really stupid **** too 
First time it happened he should have been out of there or if it's his place and expects you to clean it up just pack your **** up and get the hell out of there.


----------



## FeministInPink

I love this thread 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Ugggghh some dudes are frkn sick...
> Why do you ladies put up with that **** for any length of time? It's like a chimp throwing feces. I guess I put up with some really stupid **** too
> First time it happened he should have been out of there or if it's his place and expects you to clean it up just pack your **** up and get the hell out of there.


It didn't start to happen until we were married a couple years. 

But yeah, I can see divorcing someone over such disgusting habits LOL


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Ugggghh some dudes are frkn sick...
> Why do you ladies put up with that **** for any length of time? It's like a chimp throwing feces. I guess I put up with some really stupid **** too
> First time it happened he should have been out of there or if it's his place and expects you to clean it up just pack your **** up and get the hell out of there.


Same reason men put up with b!tchy cheating wives. You think you're in love and you're so brain washed at that point that you're willing to believe you can turn them back into the person you married. 

Eventually you get sick of masturbating and dealing with all their bullsh!t.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> It didn't start to happen until we were married a couple years.
> 
> But yeah, I can see divorcing someone over such disgusting habits LOL


There are plenty of guys who do not do things like that myself included. If he yelled at you for not keeping the bathroom clean that's also massively degrading...another reason why I do not support cohabiting, why be stuck with that behavior or even be forced to tolerate it.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Same reason men put up with b!tchy cheating wives. You think you're in love and you're so brain washed at that point that you're willing to believe you can turn them back into the person you married.
> 
> Eventually you get sick of masturbating and dealing with all their bullsh!t.


Uugghh don't remind me...


----------



## unsure78

OMG....mr pissy pants made me laugh so hard!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## krismimo

Hello everyone Happy Fat Tuesday!


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> And I am nicknaming my ex "pissy pants"
> 
> His lack of bathroom skills as well as his constant b!tching and being angry about how everyone "wrongs him and screws him over"


I am nicknaming mine "the fool"


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> There are plenty of guys who do not do things like that myself included. If he yelled at you for not keeping the bathroom clean that's also massively degrading...another reason why I do not support cohabiting, why be stuck with that behavior or even be forced to tolerate it.


Everytime he would bring up me not cleaning the bathroom enough, I would reply with "Well if you didn't piss all over the floor and toilet and make a huge mess I would clean it" His retort was "when you pee it gets all over the bottom of the seat and I have to look at it when I lift it up!!" Ya know the whole blame shifting crap. 

Ugh I hate being able to recall some of our arguments so clearly still sometimes. I have forgotten almost everything about that man but sometimes I just trigger and a bunch of things come flooding back to me. I just sit here shaking my head at myself - there is NO WAY I would put up with any behavior like that anymore.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Everytime he would bring up me not cleaning the bathroom enough, I would reply with "Well if you didn't piss all over the floor and toilet and make a huge mess I would clean it" His retort was "when you pee it gets all over the bottom of the seat and I have to look at it when I lift it up!!" Ya know the whole blame shifting crap.
> 
> Ugh I hate being able to recall some of our arguments so clearly still sometimes. I have forgotten almost everything about that man but sometimes I just trigger and a bunch of things come flooding back to me. I just sit here shaking my head at myself - there is NO WAY I would put up with any behavior like that anymore.


I'm reading this like WTF!? What man pisses all over the toilet seat and isn't in constant fear if he leaves it there? Momma must nt have raised him right.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Ugggghh some dudes are frkn sick...
> Why do you ladies put up with that **** for any length of time? It's like a chimp throwing feces. I guess I put up with some really stupid **** too
> First time it happened he should have been out of there or if it's his place and expects you to clean it up just pack your **** up and get the hell out of there.


AP, have you ever heard the boiling frog metaphor?

Pretty much the same thing. It gets progressively worse in such small increments, you don't notice sometimes.

Voldemort denied it, and blamed it on the cat. Funny how after he moved out, the cat stopped p!ssing on the bathroom floor.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> I'm reading this like WTF!? What man pisses all over the toilet seat and isn't in constant fear if he leaves it there? Momma must nt have raised him right.


He had very deep seated hate for his mother. He wasn't breast fed and brought that up all the time as to why he was so much smaller than his brothers "My mom never breast fed me but did my brothers and look at how much taller they all are." I mean he really HATED her for it. 

FIP - did yours hate his mother too?


----------



## Nsweet

I get angry at my mom too, but damn. It's like do you want to walk around on pissy floors too? That's just gross. You can let it slide a little as a bachelor, but when your married.... It's just common courtesy. 

And owning a penis is a responsibility, not a right. If you can't aim for sh!t then you sit down to pee. When you're too tired, drunk, or you just got through having sex. Sit yo ass down!


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> AP, have you ever heard the boiling frog metaphor?
> 
> Pretty much the same thing. It gets progressively worse in such small increments, you don't notice sometimes.
> 
> Voldemort denied it, and blamed it on the cat. Funny how after he moved out, the cat stopped p!ssing on the bathroom floor.


No I have not heard the boiling frog metaphor...but that is just yet another reason for me to not support cohabitation, sometimes you just plain old need a break for a couple days straight to be able to reflect on some of the things maybe you shouldn't be OK with and don't even realise you have been tolerating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> He had very deep seated hate for his mother. He wasn't breast fed and brought that up all the time as to why he was so much smaller than his brothers "My mom never breast fed me but did my brothers and look at how much taller they all are." I mean he really HATED her for it.
> 
> FIP - did yours hate his mother too?


Oh, yeah, totally. He pretended like he didn't hate her and that he was this super-devoted son when we first met, but it became apparent that he can't stand her. But then he would get p!ssed at me if I criticized her in any way.

Funny thing... he learned his PA behaviors from her. She's incredibly PA/manipulative. 

He hates both of his parents, and yet... calls them every Sunday like clockwork and spends several hours on the phone with them. And he could never be bothered to go on vacation with me, but spent all his vacation time every year visiting his family. I used to go with him, when we first got together, but after a few times, I was like, "This is ridiculous. I'm not wasting my vacation time to visit your parents and be miserable for an entire week, and neither should you." From then on out he visited them without me, and I got to go on my vacations alone because he used up all his time to see them. And he would call me and whine about how miserable he was, and it would be so much better if I was there, trying to make me feel guilty for...

Hey! Is that a boundary? Was I trying to draw a boundary, and he totally p!ssed on it? It was, wasn't it???

That's my little "fix me" moment for the day, peeps. Thanks


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> No I have not heard the boiling frog metaphor...but that is just yet another reason for me to not support cohabitation, sometimes you just plain old need a break for a couple days straight to be able to reflect on some of the things maybe you shouldn't be OK with and don't even realise you have been tolerating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK, so I posted it on someone else's thread, and I was going to link to it, but he deleted his thread, so I can't link back to it. So, here goes:

If you want to cook a live frog, you can't boil the water and then put the frog in it, because he would jump right out. He knows it's going to kill him, because he's a frog. He's smart like that.

What you have to do is put the frog in a pot of nice, ambient, room-temperature water. It's nice and comfy for the frog, and he's swimming around and having a great time. And then you heat the water, slowly. Because the temperature is changing so slowly, the frog doesn't realize what's going on, he keeps swimming and enjoying it. It isn't until it starts to boil that the frog even realizes that he needs to get out, but it's too late, because the frog's goose is already cooked.

That's the frog metaphor, and it's pretty much the perfect metaphor for a relationship with a passive-agressive narcisist/emotional abuser.


----------



## Another Planet

I see...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

FIP is going to sleep so good tonight, after getting all of this off her chest.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> Oh, yeah, totally. He pretended like he didn't hate her and that he was this super-devoted son when we first met, but it became apparent that he can't stand her. But then he would get p!ssed at me if I criticized her in any way.
> 
> Funny thing... he learned his PA behaviors from her. She's incredibly PA/manipulative.
> 
> He hates both of his parents, and yet... calls them every Sunday like clockwork and spends several hours on the phone with them. And he could never be bothered to go on vacation with me, but spent all his vacation time every year visiting his family. I used to go with him, when we first got together, but after a few times, I was like, "This is ridiculous. I'm not wasting my vacation time to visit your parents and be miserable for an entire week, and neither should you." From then on out he visited them without me, and I got to go on my vacations alone because he used up all his time to see them. And he would call me and whine about how miserable he was, and it would be so much better if I was there, trying to make me feel guilty for...
> 
> Hey! Is that a boundary? Was I trying to draw a boundary, and he totally p!ssed on it? It was, wasn't it???
> 
> That's my little "fix me" moment for the day, peeps. Thanks


Omg did we marry the same guy?!?! Seriously, the similarities are eerily scary....especially about learning the PA from her and "acting" the perfect son to her face part. 

Gah!

So ladies, red flags - any guy who overly loves or hates his mother...STAY AWAY!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> He had very deep seated hate for his mother. He wasn't breast fed and brought that up all the time as to why he was so much smaller than his brothers "My mom never breast fed me but did my brothers and look at how much taller they all are." I mean he really HATED her for it.
> 
> FIP - did yours hate his mother too?


Wow, what a pu$$y.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, what a pu$$y.


Little man syndrome? Vi was he really short?
My brother in law is like 5'6" and all he does is whine, no idea how my sis puts up with him but she says she loves him...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Little man syndrome? Vi was he really short?
> My brother in law is like 5'6" and all he does is whine, no idea how my sis puts up with him but she says she loves him...


5'7", 140ish. In great shape and muscular but he def overcompensated in many areas including working out.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> 5'7", 140ish. In great shape and muscular but he def overcompensated in many areas including working out.


Hmmm I see. 

Well have a good night everyone...might be back might not


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Hmmm I see.
> 
> Well have a good night everyone...might be back might not


Get some for JB!!!! Lol


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> lol yeah that is what he was doing...."maybe if I make her feel sorry for me she will sleep with me "


Is that really a thing?

Edit: I read further on the thread. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more often than I ought to; I'd have believed that this was an honest attempt to connect to a person and not realized that it was a ploy for a pity-fck -- and, I probably would have given in to it out of a desire to comfort someone in grief.  I have zero skills in the world of dating.


----------



## struggle

vi_bride04 said:


> Everytime he would bring up me not cleaning the bathroom enough, I would reply with "Well if you didn't piss all over the floor and toilet and make a huge mess I would clean it" His retort was "when you pee it gets all over the bottom of the seat and I have to look at it when I lift it up!!" Ya know the whole blame shifting crap.
> 
> Ugh I hate being able to recall some of our arguments so clearly still sometimes. I have forgotten almost everything about that man but sometimes I just trigger and a bunch of things come flooding back to me. I just sit here shaking my head at myself - there is NO WAY I would put up with any behavior like that anymore.


Ugh you're triggering my memories with that argument too!! :/
I still can't believe I put up with that stuff either...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

OMG how many of our exes pissed in the bathroom like they were marking territory??


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG how many of our exes pissed in the bathroom like they were marking territory??


How many of our exes used pissing as a way to demonstrate some aspect of control? My ex is a clean-freak, but he would deliberately (figuratively) "piss on" my boundaries or demands to show that he had power and I didn't.


----------



## Nsweet

Are you referring to "pissing on territory" as an expression for taking control over your boundaries and possessions. I dealt with that too. Ex wife "Kiwi" changed my clothes, took my ipod so I couldn't listen to my music, broke into my computer and deleted and online friend who were prettier than her, and hid stuff from me to where I couldn't leave her without getting everything back from her hiding spots. 

I wish she was just pissing on bathroom floors.


----------



## vi_bride04

So you'd rahter have this?


----------



## moxy

Nsweet, that sucks!

When people do the things they know will upset you, especially after you've expressly talked about them as a problem, it seems like they mean to say, "Hey, this matters to you? Let me destroy it just so you realize who is in charge . I'll also make you regret bringing up any complaints; so, don't." It's like pissing on something out of spite.


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## moxy

So tired and emo tonight that I could really do with a hug (or something more); it's too bad that certain people are not in town at the moment. Might be going to bed early tonight.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Nsweet, that sucks!
> 
> When people do the things they know will upset you, especially after you've expressly talked about them as a problem, it seems like they mean to say, "Hey, this matters to you? Let me destroy it just so you realize who is in charge . I'll also make you regret bringing up any complaints; so, don't." It's like pissing on something out of spite.


I think in her case it was a lot more childish reasoning. She was basically saying "You love me, so I can do whatever I want with your stuff. 

Remember she was BPD crazy, and not the self-hating type. At least not for very long.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet, at least you don't have to worry about that troubled logic now. Do you recognize it more in others now than you did with your ex?


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Nsweet, at least you don't have to worry about that troubled logic now. Do you recognize it more in others now than you did with your ex?


Yes. My mother is another BPD waif, although not at bad as my ex wife she still never takes responsibility for her problems. It is infuriating! Nothing is ever her fault and I'm made to believe I need to make her happy and be her caretaker. 

Next week I'm finally free.... Even though I will have almost all of my freedom taken away from me.:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Next week I'm finally free.... Even though I will have almost all of my freedom taken away from me.:smthumbup:


What happens next week? Obviously I have missed something, not that that is a surprise...


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> What happens next week? Obviously I have missed something, not that that is a surprise...


Psycho-social work rehabilitation in the VA hospital. The lady called me today to confirm and I made the check in appointment for next Thursday.

It's part drug and alcohol rehab, so they don't let you have much of anything and always go through your sh!t looking for paraphernalia. They also piss test you an awful lot.


----------



## Another Planet

Woah... I have never had someone be able to calm my mind before... 
This is a strange feeling for me. I have no background noise. I am blown away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Woah... I have never had someone be able to calm my mind before...
> This is a strange feeling for me. I have no background noise. I am blown away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well that just sounds incredible. Tell us more!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so I posted it on someone else's thread, and I was going to link to it, but he deleted his thread, so I can't link back to it. So, here goes:
> 
> If you want to cook a live frog, you can't boil the water and then put the frog in it, because he would jump right out. He knows it's going to kill him, because he's a frog. He's smart like that.
> 
> What you have to do is put the frog in a pot of nice, ambient, room-temperature water. It's nice and comfy for the frog, and he's swimming around and having a great time. And then you heat the water, slowly. Because the temperature is changing so slowly, the frog doesn't realize what's going on, he keeps swimming and enjoying it. It isn't until it starts to boil that the frog even realizes that he needs to get out, but it's too late, because the frog's goose is already cooked.
> 
> That's the frog metaphor, and it's pretty much the perfect metaphor for a relationship with a passive-agressive narcisist/emotional abuser.


Exactly.


----------



## Nsweet

I think I found my new actress crush.

Deneen Melody

Here she is butt naked.:smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

Nsweet....

It is nice to see a man have a crush on a woman who is not pencil thin.


----------



## moxy

Curves are good.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Nsweet....
> 
> It is nice to see a man have a crush on a woman who is not pencil thin.





moxy said:


> Curves are good.


Bleacher has curves, or more curves then I am use to anyway


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I got hit on while I was walking to fhe metro this morning. I declined the offer, but it was a nice ego boost during what has been a challenging week. (Not having to do with emotional whatever, just have been really busy and work has been a challenge.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Red line or Orange line?  

Nice ego boost is always fun.

I like to read the Missed Connections:
_
"You were reading a real book on the train."_


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Red line or Orange line?
> 
> Nice ego boost is always fun.
> 
> I like to read the Missed Connections:
> _
> "You were reading a real book on the train."_


That's a good one! I wrote a Missed Connection once, to a driver who nearly plowed into my car not once, but twice.

It was walking from my house to the Orange line.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Morning everyone....

glad to hear Bleacher is good for you Another... but just remember to not get caught up in the tide just yet..


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> That's a good one! I wrote a Missed Connection once, to a driver who nearly plowed into my car not once, but twice.
> 
> It was walking from my house to the Orange line.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha. Nice! 

And the guy who wrote that MC has been looking for the "real book" girl for awhile now. I hope she reaches out to them. He keeps posting it. It's romantic!


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Well that just sounds incredible. Tell us more!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We watched a movie, had a couple drinks, just kind of played around, talked about everything, and had some good laughs. Ended up cuddling half the night cause her couch is like a giant bed and we just kind of ended up together. 

It is actually kind of sad because I am not sure if I have ever felt this way before. It was so comfortable and fun, like 5hrs just poof gone. I want to see her again but we have to take a couple days off just cause we both have stuff to do.


----------



## familyfirst09

A couple days will be good I'd say, bring you down to earth?? But everyone knows about those first steps in a relationship and/or dating, feels fantastic (the fog I guess). Enjoy it!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Morning everyone....
> 
> glad to hear Bleacher is good for you Another... but just remember to not get caught up in the tide just yet..


I know. 
This morning she texted early and after a few back and fourths she asks me why I didn't kiss her last night. I didn't know what to tell her other then the truth which was that I wanted to but I held back, and I knew she wanted me to. I just am not sure about the speed, like I said the other night is that I kind of made my mind up what I was willing to do.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I know.
> This morning she texted early and after a few back and fourths she asks me why I didn't kiss her last night. I didn't know what to tell her other then the truth which was that I wanted to but I held back, and I knew she wanted me to. I just am not sure about the speed, like I said the other night is that I kind of made my mind up what I was willing to do.


thats ok...take you time with that part of it nooooo rush...sex always complicated things...enjoy this part


----------



## familyfirst09

Boundaries. You obviously know yours and if she's right for you (whether right NOW or not), she will respect that. Good for you, not too many guys I've heard of like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Well the same thing could be said, why didn't she kiss you? lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Morning everyone....
> 
> glad to hear Bleacher is good for you Another...* but just remember to not get caught up in the tide just yet..*


I say let him enjoy it! Its so hard to find someone that you get these feeling for, we are all entitles to enjoy the fall!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> thats ok...take you time with that part of it nooooo rush...sex always complicated things...enjoy this part


Yeah that is part of it...I know what happens to me when kissing starts up. I am a very sexual and passionate person so especially since all the fun we were having I could see it easily not stopping at just making out...plus I am already seeing that look in her eyes...I am NOT a heartbreaker!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well the same thing could be said, why didn't she kiss you? lol


I know right! That's what I told her LOL! She has already put me in the lead in the relationship, I know she has I see it and feel it.


----------



## ne9907

Yay AP! It is so good to see you enjoying this relationship!

How can you hold back not kissing! Wow... I couldnt.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Nice!
> 
> And the guy who wrote that MC has been looking for the "real book" girl for awhile now. I hope she reaches out to them. He keeps posting it. It's romantic!


Is he always posting about the same girl? The next time he sees her, he needs to just talk to her, already.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah, he's been writing to her for awhile now. Poor thing. Hopefully he sees her again soon so he can do that.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> So tired and emo tonight that I could really do with a hug (or something more); it's too bad that certain people are not in town at the moment. Might be going to bed early tonight.


I kinda felt like this too last night, I even declined an invitation to go out. I couldnt make myself get off of bed.

I ended up waking up at around 1 am, was soooo hungry and craving coffee (???)... haha.

Today... I am still dragging. Need/want some coffee.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Yay AP! It is so good to see you enjoying this relationship!
> 
> How can you hold back not kissing! Wow... I couldnt.


Lol I'm telling ya it was going down if it moved any more forward from where it was...she was touching me just perfectly, she placed herself perfectly. Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. 
You guys are not helping lol
I really look forward to the future


----------



## Jellybeans

How many dates have you been on now?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> How many dates have you been on now?


3, and we are spending the weekend together.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh my.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> 3, and we are spending the weekend together.


You are not going to introduce the kids are you?


----------



## struggle

I just had to share with singles here. I just got the pectoral dance flirt this morning..... 0.o (think 50 first dates, but with a shirt on)
I had to stop talking and say....."really??"


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh my.


Whats that for?



unsure78 said:


> You are not going to introduce the kids are you?


No. We have the same every others so this weekend is an off for both of us. Sooner or later I am sure, I personally think the whole dating thing should stay separate from the kids until it's serious.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Whats that for?
> 
> 
> 
> No. We have the same every others so this weekend is an off for both of us. Sooner or later I am sure, I personally think the whole dating thing should stay separate from the kids until it's serious.



Agreed. Child therapists (I've spoken to) recommend a year. I don't know if that seems too long or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Whats that for?


It's because I didn't realize you'd already been on three (I thought the first was just last week?) and are doing a weekend together this weekend.

Time flies.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Agreed. Child therapists (I've spoken to) recommend a year. I don't know if that seems too long or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I am not sure a year of dating before letting them meet but definitely a year of being separated from the marriage/family life isn't out of question.
My kids have been going to therapy with their Mom since like September if I remember correctly...actually they are tired of it and complain when they have to go now. I do think it has helped.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> Agreed. Child therapists (I've spoken to) recommend a year. I don't know if that seems too long or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A year seems ridiculously long to me.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> A year seems ridiculously long to me.


Yeah honestly as a parent how do you know if you actually are in to someone if you don't know how they interact with your kids. What if dating for a year then they meet and you find out they absolutely suck with your kids?! That's a deal breaker for me!


----------



## familyfirst09

Yeah like I said I'm not sure, it's just what 3 therapists told me. It would be a total deal breaker for me too if a guy didn't get along with my child. I haven't been with anyone long enough (or really at all) to even contemplate it. One guy I had thoughts about it but he turned out to be a douche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I am giving Tinder another shot, I am wiser now. No more giving out my number.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I am giving Tinder another shot, I am wiser now. No more giving out my number.


Hmm, Ne, I hate to say it but I think you are too emotional and trusting of a person to keep using Tinder.  But I hope it works out better for you this time.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Hmm, Ne, I hate to say it but I think you are too emotional and trusting of a person to keep using Tinder.  But I hope it works out better for you this time.


haha

What dating website shall I use?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> haha
> 
> What dating website shall I use?


I've had decent dates from both POF and Match. POF is free, which I like!


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> haha
> 
> What dating website shall I use?


If you are serious about dating, if I was you I would pay for a site to use like eharmony or something.

I did not like POF.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> If you are serious about dating, if I was you I would pay for a site to use like eharmony or something.
> 
> I did not like POF.


I am not serious about dating, that is why I dont want to pay to use a website.

I opened a Match account last weekend, without any of the subscribers benefits. I did not see anyone remotely attractive. Perhaps, when I do find someone that I find attractive, i will pay up!


----------



## RandomDude

All those sites are useless money grabs, I don't mind spending if there are results. So far I have much more success on face-to-face meetups from meetup.com (not a dating site) and very recently on random encounters - the train!

Speaking of which, the lady I met recently on the train has been 'promoted' from FWB-material to Date-material and now to GF-material. Have to see!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> All those sites are useless money grabs, I don't mind spending if there are results. So far I have much more success on face-to-face meetups from meetup.com (not a dating site) and very recently on random encounters - the train!
> 
> Speaking of which, the lady I met recently on the train has been 'promoted' from FWB-material to Date-material and now to GF-material. Have to see!


haha
you always make me giggle with your "lady" observations. She is one lucky woman!


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Heh well nothing has happened as we're not official yet 

She's just a 'potential'  that I decided to date instead of just ramming against the wall - which I haven't, yet!


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Heh well nothing has happened as we're not official yet
> 
> She's just a 'potential'  that I decided to date instead of just ramming against the wall - which I haven't, yet!




Your charm never ceases to amaze me, RD.


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> I am not serious about dating, that is why I dont want to pay to use a website.
> 
> I opened a Match account last weekend, without any of the subscribers benefits. I did not see anyone remotely attractive. Perhaps, when I do find someone that I find attractive, i will pay up!


Oh, I think you totally want to date...hell I think you want to be swept off your damned feet, just minus the getting your heart stomped on in a million different microscopic particles. 

The wanting just sex is a total front...your brave face. 

Of coarse, I could be totally wrong. But I don't think I am.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Oh, I think you totally want to date...hell I think you want to be swept off your damned feet, just minus the getting your heart stomped on in a million different microscopic particles.
> 
> The wanting just sex is a total front...your brave face.
> 
> Of coarse, I could be totally wrong. But I don't think I am.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## lisab0105

ne9907 said:


> haha
> 
> What dating website shall I use?


You can join mine when it's live...the first 500 members get three months free :ezpi_wink1:

Sorry, had to throw that plug in


----------



## moxy

I would love to be swept up off my feet -- just as long as no talk of "the future" or commitment came up. It is easier to get sex without feelings, though it sometimes feels sleazier.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> You can join mine when it's live...the first 500 members get three months free :ezpi_wink1:
> 
> Sorry, had to throw that plug in


Yeah
I think you are right, but it is extremely scary I do not even want to think about falling for someone again. 

Ok so get ready the (is it 2x4?)

I had known ex was dating someone new (he has dated like 3 women since we split) and was happy that he is moving on BUT!!!, What I didnt know is that she moved into "my" house!!!

Of course the house is not longer mine. She is sitting down on the couch i picked out, she is using my dishes, she is sleeping on what used to be my bed.... she is screwing my ex yet this doesnt hurt as much because well sex wasnt great (once every month or two months), as knowning the fool let her in what was my sanctuary.

I am finally starting to get angry and catching glimpses of the true face of ex....

On the bright side, so glad I havent found anyone meaningful on Tinder.... .Can you imagine having to deal with my mind which is like a basket full of hungry kittens!! 

Emotionally not ready, horny as hell, but I cant separate the two so I will continue to be horny....


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> I am not serious about dating, that is why I dont want to pay to use a website.
> 
> I opened a Match account last weekend, without any of the subscribers benefits. I did not see anyone remotely attractive. Perhaps, when I do find someone that I find attractive, i will pay up!


If you aren't serious about dating, then it wouldn't have been as strange and hurtful when you figured out that the Tinder guys were just looking for hookups. Because well....that's what Tinder is.

I think you might need to slow down a bit and figure out what you're really looking for. Is it company/people to chat with? Then maybe checkout some meetups or something a bit less sexually oriented than Tinder. 

Do you want to date casually and see where it goes? Then I'd try the free sites or free weekends on dating sites. Just because it's not a hookup site doesn't mean it's a get hitched quick site either. 

Do you just want to get laid? Then it's back to Tinder or AFF.

I think the answers about what to do and where to go will come more easily if you have a particular goal in mind....


----------



## familyfirst09

lisab0105 said:


> Oh, I think you totally want to date...hell I think you want to be swept off your damned feet, just minus the getting your heart stomped on in a million different microscopic particles.
> 
> The wanting just sex is a total front...your brave face.
> 
> Of coarse, I could be totally wrong. But I don't think I am.



Yeah have to say I agree as well and I haven't even been around as long! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> Your charm never ceases to amaze me, RD.


----------



## jpr

ne9907 said:


> I am not serious about dating, that is why I dont want to pay to use a website.
> 
> I opened a Match account last weekend, without any of the subscribers benefits. I did not see anyone remotely attractive. Perhaps, when I do find someone that I find attractive, i will pay up!


I dated a little online...and I only paid for one full month of Match...ever. Everything else has been free.

I would sign up for a free week, then get a few potential dating partners lined up and cancel before the end of my free trial.


----------



## Another Planet

Cheapskates


----------



## vi_bride04

COGypsy said:


> If you aren't serious about dating, then it wouldn't have been as strange and hurtful when you figured out that the Tinder guys were just looking for hookups. Because well....that's what Tinder is.
> 
> I think you might need to slow down a bit and figure out what you're really looking for. Is it company/people to chat with? Then maybe checkout some meetups or something a bit less sexually oriented than Tinder.


:iagree:


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> I dated a little online...and I only paid for one full month of Match...ever. Everything else has been free.
> 
> I would sign up for a free week, then get a few potential dating partners lined up and cancel before the end of my free trial.


:rofl: that made lol so hard! I like that idea!


----------



## jpr

I would actually sign up with the intention of paying for a subscription...but, by the end of the week I was always talking to 4-6 people anyway....so, why continue? Just see what happens with them, and try another free trial if/when those fizzle.


----------



## vi_bride04

It is hump day.

Been a fun day texting with disc golf hat - most flirting so far. Let the sexual tension begin


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm not quite to the point I want to invest in dating again. So I'll live vicariously through you guys until several months go by and I get the 'bug' again. 

Flirt away, JB!


----------



## Nsweet

jpr said:


> Nsweet....
> 
> It is nice to see a man have a crush on a woman who is not pencil thin.


I don't like skinny chicks. 



moxy said:


> Curves are good.


Real women have curves.:smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm not quite to the point I want to invest in dating again. So I'll live vicariously through you guys until several months go by and I get the 'bug' again.
> 
> Flirt away, JB!



But wait, I recall there are some fireman along the path you walk your dog.


----------



## ne9907

All right

I declare today the day that I, proclaim to the TAM world, am beginning to date.


----------



## vi_bride04

....looks like parole hat got a new number as he tried calling and texting me today. Bah, ain't got time for that!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> ....looks like parole hat got a new number as he tried calling and texting me today. Bah, ain't got time for that!


Ain't nobody got time for that!

Sweet Brown - Ain't Nobody Got Time for That (Autotune Remix) - YouTube


----------



## EnjoliWoman

drerio said:


> But wait, I recall there are some fireman along the path you walk your dog.


Yeah - I'm not in a position to flirt with them.  I'll just wave, say Hi and smile at them as they pass. If someone wants to slow to a fast walk to chat, they can.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> *Yeah - I'm not in a position to flirt with them*.  I'll just wave, say Hi and smile at them as they pass. If someone wants to slow to a fast walk to chat, they can.


you will be, you will be "yoda" drerio says so


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> ....looks like parole hat got a new number as he tried calling and texting me today. Bah, ain't got time for that!


Ain't nobody got time fo dat!

Sweet Brown - Original Report - YouTube


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Ain't nobody got time fo dat!
> 
> Sweet Brown - Original Report - YouTube


WTF copycat :/ lol


----------



## unsure78

How about you two boys duke it out... I could use some good entertainment right about now. ..

Winner can claim the phrase
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> How about you two boys duke it out... I could use some good entertainment right about now. ..
> 
> Winner can claim the phrase
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I concede because I actually don't want the phrase attached to me lol


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Well I concede because I actually don't want the phrase attached to me lol


Hahahahahah.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Well I concede because I actually don't want the phrase attached to me lol


In that case....

Sweet victory, b!tch.:smthumbup:

That's my new meme catch phrase... all of it including the 
"b!tch".


----------



## Another Planet

"Ein't nobudah got time fo dat"..... It's all yours man


----------



## 3Xnocharm

drerio said:


> But wait, I recall there are some fireman along the path you walk your dog.


Mmmmm...firemen....


----------



## Nsweet

Nsweet said:


> I think I found my new actress crush.
> 
> Deneen Melody
> 
> Here she is butt naked.:smthumbup:


I just had to go back and look at this while playing this: 

Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls (Official Video) - YouTube


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Mmmmm...firemen....


Yum!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Just had a nephew born!  9lbs 12oz big boy!!!
Think I might take off Sunday and for a road tip to go meet him!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Just had a nephew born!  9lbs 12oz big boy!!!
> Think I might take off Sunday and for a road tip to go meet him!


Congrats!!


----------



## vi_bride04

3x....that pic....damn...and with the flirting today with disc golf hat....

Hmmm starting to get frustrated lol


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Congrats!!


Thanks! My best buddy little bro and wonderful wife, everyone healthy and happy! So wonderful! Can't wait to meet him


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Thanks! My best buddy little bro and wonderful wife, everyone healthy and happy! So wonderful! Can't wait to meet him


Gratz uncle AP!


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Just had a nephew born!  9lbs 12oz big boy!!!
> Think I might take off Sunday and for a road tip to go meet him!


Congratulations!!


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> 3x....that pic....damn...and with the flirting today with disc golf hat....
> 
> Hmmm starting to get frustrated lol


Echoing that sentiment. So. Very. Much.


----------



## Nsweet

I saw a news report this morning about how women in Crimea and Ukraine are denying sex to Russian men to stop conflict. And then it went on to give examples about how women denying sex in other countries have stopped wars and made male leaders reconcile their differences. 

After seeing this I'm like "They're denying their men sex for world peace.... *What are your excuses, ladies?*":rofl:


----------



## moxy

There's an ancient Greek play with that premise -- "Lysistrata" by Aristophanes. It's hilarious. I'm so pleased to see the strategy at work in life.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet--be careful about posting sexy/naked pics up because some of us are on servers that can firewall them and block TAM. 

A link is better (for naked people).


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Nsweet--be careful about posting sexy/naked pics up because some of us are on servers that can firewall them and block TAM.
> 
> A link is better (for naked people).


It wasn't a porn site or anything. It was an article talking about an actress from a film studio. 

Anyways, sorry about that. When I post any pics that might be risky, I try to go to extreme lengths to make sure that no nipples or genitals are on display. That pic was all side butt and a hint of side boob. 

I did not know about the servers blocking though. Sounds like TAM needs a proxy server like piratebay and facebook use for other countries that block them.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> There's an ancient Greek play with that premise -- "Lysistrata" by Aristophanes. It's hilarious. I'm so pleased to see the strategy at work in life.


Yes. They referenced that very play as inspiration. 

It's genius!:smthumbup:

You don't get sex until you stop fighting. 

I wonder if there's an equivalent for men to use on women....:scratchhead:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> 3x....that pic....damn...and with the flirting today with disc golf hat....
> 
> Hmmm starting to get frustrated lol


Alright team, looks like we need to start a battery collection for Vi. Send your AAA-D cell battery contribution in today.


----------



## Jellybeans

I had a vibrator once. And threw it away. We were spending way too much time together.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> There's an ancient Greek play with that premise -- "Lysistrata" by Aristophanes. It's hilarious. I'm so pleased to see the strategy at work in life.


Love that one. Had to read it for an ancient history course in college, and it obviously made an impression.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I had a vibrator once. And threw it away. We were spending way too much time together.


Really?! I didn't know that was possible


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I had a vibrator once. And threw it away. We were spending way too much time together.


My Fleshlight said I was too clingy and left me for a wild vibrator.


----------



## lisab0105

I actually had the firemen at my house last week...stupid oven caught fire. I think they were bummed it wasn't actually bigger. 

Adrenaline junkies


----------



## Jellybeans

Were they HOT, Lisa?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Really?! I didn't know that was possible


Oh it is definitely possible. I was not hanging with friends or leaving my house much. It was during my separation when it was the first time I did not have a steady sex partner in YEARS. Eventually I had to break up with it. So I threw it in the trash and said "NO MORE! I need to be alone for awhile!"




Then I discovered my fingers. 

Lol.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh it is definitely possible. I was not hanging with friends or leaving my house much. It was during my separation when it was the first time I did not have a steady sex partner in YEARS. Eventually I had to break up with it. So I threw it in the trash and said "NO MORE! I need to be alone for awhile!"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Then I discovered my fingers.
> 
> Lol.


You stole that from Sex In The City. The episode where Charlotte bought herself a rabbit and had to have a friend-tervention to get her out of the house and talking to real men. 

Yeah I watch SITC. DON'T JUDGE ME!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nothing like the real thing. *sigh*


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Yeah I watch SITC. DON'T JUDGE ME!


I did not steal that from anything. That did happen to me. The vibrator had to go. LOL

And there is nothing wrong with watching SATC. That show was great. I loved Mr. Big.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I did not steal that from anything. That did happen to me. The vibrator had to go. LOL
> 
> And there is nothing wrong with watching SATC. That show was great. I loved Mr. Big.


I was mad crushin on Miranda back in the day.:smthumbup:

Now I'm in love with Mayim Bialik (Amy) from Big Bang Theory.

I would do everything to hot nerdy Jewish woman.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Natalie Portman is a HOT Jewish girl.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Natalie Portman is a HOT Jewish girl.


Especially in V For Vendetta. Before and after she cut her hair.


----------



## Nsweet

For you Jellybeans.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Good one, Nsweet!


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Were they HOT, Lisa?


Some yes, a few were older, so you would have liked them :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: Hot firemen make the world go round!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Hot firemen make the world go round!


HAHAHAH.. truer words were never spoken


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Ah yes and the jogging one had a nice build, a pleasant face, nice jawline and a nice bit of silver in his hair. Hubba. Not too bad to watch run past me and up the trail - rear view was fine as well.


----------



## vi_bride04

Is it Saturday yet? I really want to go on my date.


----------



## Jellybeans

Golf hat?

You never wrote me back Vi!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> There's an ancient Greek play with that premise -- "Lysistrata" by Aristophanes. It's hilarious. I'm so pleased to see the strategy at work in life.


I really enjoyed Lysistrata!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Golf hat?
> 
> You never wrote me back Vi!


I'm sorry JB, I was going to get to that today. It has been non stop at work and after work the past couple of days. I couldn't imagine having kids to take care of...I barely have time to eat dinner!

And yes, golf hat. There are no other guys I am even talking to at the moment. 

Well, PlanB guy hasn't texted since I declined going out with him again and parole hat texted and called yesterday from a new number but I never responded. Screw that, they both suck.


----------



## ne9907

Day 2 of dating:

I received multiple "winks" on Match, to include a 66 year old that is in a wheelchair and uses oxygen... Can you say score!!!!!!!!!??

I am messaging 2 all right looking men on tinder, one already asked for my number. I denied, he did not messaged back, too bad because he is a total hottie (38 yo).

Both of said men live by the beach!!

My number, if any of you should feel the need to date me is
919-867-5309.

Happy Trails!~


----------



## unsure78

NE.... I hope that's not your real number.... what was rule #1? dont give your phone number out.....


----------



## Nsweet

Are you sure you want to put your private information out there like that NE? You never know who is going to be stalking you, who's going to be dangerous, who might try to rape or kill you. 

Think about your actions because this page is public and people do copy TAM pages and put them on other forums all the time. I've caught them making fun of stories of CWI on a rap forum, and I had one of my forum linked by someone else on their private blog. Found everything through google search in under a minute.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> NE.... I hope that's not your real number.... what was rule #1? dont give your phone number out.....


haha it is not~~

It is from an old 80s song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axLRUszuu9I

Cant believe you guys didnt catch it!? Maybe I am too old to remember this song lol


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> NE.... I hope that's not your real number.... what was rule #1? dont give your phone number out.....


Either way... It's not even noon and already I got a hot chicks phone number. Whoo hoo!:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha it is not~~
> 
> It is from an old 80s song...


Damn you Tommy Two Tone!:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> Day 2 of dating:
> 
> I received multiple "winks" on Match, to include a 66 year old that is in a wheelchair and uses oxygen... Can you say score!!!!!!!!!??


Woooohooooo! Score if he's a millionaire! 



(But really - what are these guys thinking? Are they playing a numbers game hoping for someone desperate?)


----------



## lisab0105

LMAO~~ Ne got scolded for giving out Jenny's digits 

:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> LMAO~~ Ne got scolded for giving out Jenny's digits
> 
> :rofl:


:iagree:

that b!tch is gonna hate me lol


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ne9907 said:


> haha it is not~~
> 
> It is from an old 80s song...
> 
> 867-5309/Jenny, LIVE - YouTube
> 
> Cant believe you guys didnt catch it!? Maybe I am too old to remember this song lol


Caught it right away. But then, I grew up in the 80's....


----------



## Nsweet

You know what's really weird about online dating? 

As a guy, I get more winks and hits when I post a pic where I don't even try to smile. That is when I do post a pic... I've got two free profiles up just for fun and I get more matches on the one where I don't post a pic. Most of the messages when I paid for the damn thing were women asking those little weird question about me, and then of course asking for a pic. 

Internet dating is incredibly easy. It's real life dating that's the hard part. 


I'd be happy to give you pointer NE if you need them.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I'd be happy to give you pointer NE if you need them.



Id be happy to receive any pointers you have!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet - I've read studies that say exactly what you experienced about non-smiling pics.

Weird. I'm the opposite. I won't touch the ones without a photo - the one time I did I found out he was "separated" and didn't want his picture out there yet. Can we say CHEATER? If someone looks interesting but they just joined I may check later to see if they added a picture but I won't contact them. I assume men want a photo and I'm sure to have several up.

I also don't like photos without a smile. To me it looks like they are trying to look 'tough' and badass. I don't like it. Or they have bad teeth. I'm hung up on teeth. I need to see that smile before I go out. I'm not going to get stuck with someone with bad oral hygiene. I've seen too many men around here with stained, cavity ridden or missing teeth. No way, no how. I need a smile to be sure. 

Maybe the not-smiling thing is baggage/hangup from having a tough, angry, Alpha, abusive ex.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm hung up on teeth. .


Me too!! I absolutely love beautiful, pearly white teeth!

oh and kind eyes!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Day 2 of dating:
> 
> I received multiple "winks" on Match, to include a 66 year old that is in a wheelchair and uses oxygen... Can you say score!!!!!!!!!??
> 
> I am messaging 2 all right looking men on tinder, one already asked for my number. I denied, he did not messaged back, too bad because he is a total hottie (38 yo).
> 
> Both of said men live by the beach!!
> 
> My number, if any of you should feel the need to date me is
> ***********.
> 
> Happy Trails!~


And by beach they actually mean a Van down by the river LOL

And you're crazy hide your number!!!, there's to many people that stalk us here 
Seriously look at the thread views now, it is insanely huge for what like 20 peeps that actually post to amass that amount.

Nevermind...I scrolled down lol


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Day 2 of dating:
> 
> I received multiple "winks" on Match, to include a 66 year old that is in a wheelchair and uses oxygen... Can you say score!!!!!!!!!??


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

That is epic!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> And by beach they actually mean a Van down by the river LOL


:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Id be happy to receive any pointers you have!


Ok, as simple as I can put it remember your ABCs.....Always Be Correcting.

With dating profiles you're going to want to keep making little tweaks to your about me and all of that until you start getting the matches that are closest to being what you want. How you word everything down to the finest detail can mean the difference between getting a hunky sports guy and a ******* who like hunting, or someone just like you.

Without going into too great of detail try to keep your profile as non sexual as you can, because you don't want to seem like a desperate sl*t and repel the gentlemen. You can show a little cleavage in your pics but nothing that you wouldn't want your friends to see on there. Don't use sex or anything like a pity story or a victim act a date-bait. It will work, but it will only attract the wrong type of guys.

And do your very best to tell as much a you can about yourself in as little words as possible. That can be hard for a lot of people, so what I tell others to do is make a list of things about themselves and then cross off 2 or 3 things they would like to keep a mystery and not tell a man or woman on the first date. Make one of those an interesting hobby and keep some private emotions about your divorce to yourself.... Things you wouldn't tell anyone until after a few months of dating. Like how you want to trust but you don't want to be hurt... Stuff like that. 

The best advice I can give you or anyone else is to always be "ON" when you're using that site. Be happy and bubbly when you talk to others on there, or through skype, email, texting, phone calls. It will really make a difference and in just a few minutes you'll have people forget their troubles and really enjoy talking to you. They will want to talk to you forever... Don't let that happen! When a minute of silence has passed an you and whoever is on the line has nothing left to say... Make up an excuse to get off the phone quick. 

*I PROMISE YOU this will make them want to call you back and talk to you again.* It's a little power play move that leaves them wanting more. But it only works when you actually get off the phone, off of chat, stop texting, and leave on a high note. For texting, chat, and email, you always want to let them send the last message and go NC for the rest of the day or until the next chat.


----------



## Jellybeans

Social Media Guy texted me inviting me to his upcoming birthday. 

Did not respond.

Then I posted something up on my social media and sure enough, he messages me there saying "Hey I just sent you a text message!"

Winky face.

Dis boy got da Jelly virus baaaad! 

Goshdamn. I really need to keep my feminine wiles in check when I am out with guys. It's like I hit him over the head w/ a cupid w/o even realizing what I was doing.


----------



## unsure78

another planet said:


> and by beach they actually mean a van down by the river lol
> 
> a


i live in a van down by the river!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Social Media Guy texted me inviting me to his upcoming birthday.
> 
> Did not respond.
> 
> Then I posted something up on my social media and sure enough, he messages me there saying "Hey I just sent you a text message!"
> 
> Winky face.
> 
> Dis boy got da Jelly virus baaaad!
> 
> Goshdamn. I really need to keep my feminine wiles in check when I am out with guys. It's like I hit him over the head w/ a cupid w/o even realizing what I was doing.


THis reminds me of a Beyonce song, it goes something like this 

" don't think you're ready for this jelly
I don't think you're ready for this jelly
I don't think you're ready for this
'Cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe"


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Ok, as simple as I can put it remember your ABCs.....Always Be Correcting.
> 
> With dating profiles you're going to want to keep making little tweaks to your about me and all of that until you start getting the matches that are closest to being what you want. How you word everything down to the finest detail can mean the difference between getting a hunky sports guy and a ******* who like hunting, or someone just like you.
> 
> Without going into too great of detail try to keep your profile as non sexual as you can, because you don't want to seem like a desperate sl*t and repel the gentlemen. You can show a little cleavage in your pics but nothing that you wouldn't want your friends to see on there. Don't use sex or anything like a pity story or a victim act a date-bait. It will work, but it will only attract the wrong type of guys.
> 
> And do your very best to tell as much a you can about yourself in as little words as possible. That can be hard for a lot of people, so what I tell others to do is make a list of things about themselves and then cross off 2 or 3 things they would like to keep a mystery and not tell a man or woman on the first date. Make one of those an interesting hobby and keep some private emotions about your divorce to yourself.... Things you wouldn't tell anyone until after a few months of dating. Like how you want to trust but you don't want to be hurt... Stuff like that.
> 
> The best advice I can give you or anyone else is to always be "ON" when you're using that site. Be happy and bubbly when you talk to others on there, or through skype, email, texting, phone calls. It will really make a difference and in just a few minutes you'll have people forget their troubles and really enjoy talking to you. They will want to talk to you forever... Don't let that happen! When a minute of silence has passed an you and whoever is on the line has nothing left to say... Make up an excuse to get off the phone quick.
> 
> *I PROMISE YOU this will make them want to call you back and talk to you again.* It's a little power play move that leaves them wanting more. But it only works when you actually get off the phone, off of chat, stop texting, and leave on a high note. For texting, chat, and email, you always want to let them send the last message and go NC for the rest of the day or until the next chat.


Ok so on Tinder, i changed my about me section and just put

"Nothing on but the radio" It is a country song i happent to like a lot.
What do you think of it?


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> You know what's really weird about online dating?
> 
> As a guy, I get more winks and hits when I post a pic where I don't even try to smile. That is when I do post a pic... I've got two free profiles up just for fun and I get more matches on the one where I don't post a pic. Most of the messages when I paid for the damn thing were women asking those little weird question about me, and then of course asking for a pic.
> 
> Internet dating is incredibly easy. It's real life dating that's the hard part.
> 
> 
> I'd be happy to give you pointer NE if you need them.


Isn't that weird how that works? After like almost 8-9months I have definitely learned how to snag attention online dating now.

I just deactivated my Match account this morning. No not completely because of Bleacher, I'm not throwing all the chips in on her already  I just decided even if it doesn't continue with her I want to focus on myself and get some things done in my life...AND actually listen to you guys and not date for awhile.....even if that "awhile" is like only a month I'm gonna take a break and catch up on somethings.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> THis reminds me of a Beyonce song, it goes something like this
> 
> " don't think you're ready for this jelly
> I don't think you're ready for this jelly
> I don't think you're ready for this
> 'Cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe"


:rofl::rofl::rofl: Love this!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Social Media Guy texted me inviting me to his upcoming birthday.
> 
> Did not respond.
> 
> Then I posted something up on my social media and sure enough, he messages me there saying "Hey I just sent you a text message!"
> 
> Winky face.
> 
> Dis boy got da Jelly virus baaaad!
> 
> Goshdamn. I really need to keep my feminine wiles in check when I am out with guys. It's like I hit him over the head w/ a cupid w/o even realizing what I was doing.


Seriously, JB. You need to block him already.

But it seems like you like the attention... is that why you haven't done it already?


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Ok so on Tinder, i changed my about me section and just put
> 
> "Nothing on but the radio" It is a country song i happent to like a lot.
> What do you think of it?


I don't know. I would have to see your Tinder profile to get what you mean. 

Or, see your tender.

No, but all I really need to see is your about me, the what you're looking for, first date scenario type question, and anything you wrote about yourself besides your basic description (height and weight) and any books or movies you like. Those aren't as important so long as you're not one of those uppity tv hating women. 

Just PM that stuff to me and I'll take a look at it when I come back from the VA later. And I probably won't need to change anything but a few words and then I'll let you take a look at it with some notes from a guy perspective.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> THis reminds me of a Beyonce song, it goes something like this
> 
> " don't think you're ready for this jelly
> I don't think you're ready for this jelly
> I don't think you're ready for this
> 'Cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe"


I was just thinking that.

This should be Jelly's new avatar.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I don't know. I would have to see your Tinder profile to get what you mean.
> 
> Or, see your tender.
> 
> No, but all I really need to see is your about me, the what you're looking for, first date scenario type question, and anything you wrote about yourself besides your basic description (height and weight) and any books or movies you like. Those aren't as important so long as you're not one of those uppity tv hating women.
> 
> Just PM that stuff to me and I'll take a look at it when I come back from the VA later. And I probably won't need to change anything but a few words and then I'll let you take a look at it with some notes from a guy perspective.


It seems we hit a brickwall as I have nothing else at all. Not even on Match. 
Tinder "nothing on but the radio " is all I have.
Match=nothing! Just basic description. I will get around to it.

Good luck with VA!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't want to block him because I think he is harmless. If he were showing up at my house that would be one thing. But I think it'd be weird to go to such an extreme when he really hasn't done anything offside to me. He's just hardcore crushing. I find him more annoying than anything else.


----------



## Jellybeans

nsweet said:


> this should be jelly's new avatar.:d


i love this!!!


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Nsweet - I've read studies that say exactly what you experienced about non-smiling pics.
> 
> Weird. I'm the opposite. I won't touch the ones without a photo - the one time I did I found out he was "separated" and didn't want his picture out there yet. Can we say CHEATER? If someone looks interesting but they just joined I may check later to see if they added a picture but I won't contact them. I assume men want a photo and I'm sure to have several up.
> 
> I also don't like photos without a smile. To me it looks like they are trying to look 'tough' and badass. I don't like it. Or they have bad teeth. I'm hung up on teeth. I need to see that smile before I go out. I'm not going to get stuck with someone with bad oral hygiene. I've seen too many men around here with stained, cavity ridden or missing teeth. No way, no how. I need a smile to be sure.
> 
> *Maybe the not-smiling thing is baggage/hangup from having a tough, angry, Alpha, abusive ex*.


That's me baby. I'm like a broke ass Batman.

But for real, women love trying to figure me out in person. I'm mysterious and brooding when it comes to strangers. I have this way of looking right into your eyes and seeing into you that stops women in their tracks. And I don't talk a whole lot, but I will listen to whatever you tell me and say very little. 

So naturally I end up looking like a very strong and quiet alpha. Half of the women want to figure me out, the other half want start talking way too much and hope I'll join them. It's just awesome! It really is. All I have to do is say one or two words, a simple "hey", or NOTHING and they do all the talking for me. 

Why so serious? You tell me.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



EnjoliWoman said:


> Nsweet - I've read studies that say exactly what you experienced about non-smiling pics.
> 
> Weird. I'm the opposite. I won't touch the ones without a photo - the one time I did I found out he was "separated" and didn't want his picture out there yet. Can we say CHEATER? If someone looks interesting but they just joined I may check later to see if they added a picture but I won't contact them. I assume men want a photo and I'm sure to have several up.
> 
> I also don't like photos without a smile. To me it looks like they are trying to look 'tough' and badass. I don't like it. Or they have bad teeth. I'm hung up on teeth. I need to see that smile before I go out. I'm not going to get stuck with someone with bad oral hygiene. I've seen too many men around here with stained, cavity ridden or missing teeth. No way, no how. I need a smile to be sure.
> 
> Maybe the not-smiling thing is baggage/hangup from having a tough, angry, Alpha, abusive ex.


That is why I posted a link to a study while ago that demonstrates women are most attractive to men when they are smiling, and men are most attractive to women when they wear a look of victory.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I don't want to block him because I think he is harmless. If he were showing up at my house that would be one thing. But I think it'd be weird to go to such an extreme when he really hasn't done anything offside to me. He's just hardcore crushing. I find him more annoying than anything else.


Social media guy? With all due respect JB, I think you are being naive about his intentions and capabilities.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> That is why I posted a link to a study while ago that demonstrates women are most attractive to men when they are smiling, and men are most attractive to women when they wear a look of victory.


So basically women love depressed guys, and men love narcissists. 

Sort of a chicken and the egg thing isn't it?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Social media guy? With all due respect JB, I think you are being naive about his intentions and capabilities.


Naive how? Do you mean that you think he has bad/scary intentions or he's just thinking he will wear me done?


----------



## unsure78

Jelly he would be creeping me out by now and i have a high creep tolerance.....


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> So basically women love depressed guys, and men love narcissists.
> 
> Sort of a chicken and the egg thing isn't it?


So it seems right? It shouldn't make sense but all you have to do is pay attention to daily life.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> That's me baby. I'm like a broke ass Batman.
> 
> Why so serious? You tell me.


Women can be so gullible. Maybe it's my age but I'd be asking questions to find out about the guy. If he spoke minimally, I'd think it would be difficult to communicate and have a good conversation long term and move on.



Lon said:


> That is why I posted a link to a study while ago that demonstrates women are most attractive to men when they are smiling, and men are most attractive to women when they wear a look of victory.


I remember that. For ever study/results, there's one somewhere to contradict it! I think it makes men look pleasant, at ease/confident/comfortable with himself and friendly.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> If he spoke minimally, I'd think it would be difficult to communicate and have a good conversation long term and move on.


:iagree:

It's not fun feeling like you have to extricate conversation from someone.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So basically women love depressed guys, and men love narcissists.
> 
> Sort of a chicken and the egg thing isn't it?


Actually, just the opposite of that


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Naive how? Do you mean that you think he has bad/scary intentions or he's just thinking he will wear me done?


I think he has scary potential, and may believe he IS wearing you down.


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> I think he has scary potential, and may believe he IS wearing you down.



Jelly, he a stage five clinger

http://youtu.be/14ZO1b3T6jo


----------



## Jellybeans

That video is so funny! Great movie.

I mean I do think he is a stage 5 clinger. But I was wondering in Lon meant something more sinnister by his comment.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I think he has scary potential, and may believe he IS wearing you down.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> That video is so funny! Great movie.
> 
> I mean I do think he is a stage 5 clinger. But I was wondering in Lon meant something more sinnister by his comment.



Just don't respond anymore and be careful with your information that he does not find out where you work or live. The hope is that he will get discouraged by the silence.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Just don't respond anymore and be careful with your information that he does not find out where you work or live. The hope is that he will get discouraged by the silence.


That's what I have been doing. The only time I did respond was a week after he sent the love letter and I told him again I didn't want to date him. He replied back that he "understood." Then a few days later said he wanted to have wine with me. Heh.

Thanks for looking out


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> That's what I have been doing. The only time I did respond was a week after he sent the love letter and I told him again I didn't want to date him. He replied back that he "understood." Then a few days later said he wanted to have wine with me. Heh.



You said your piece, he really didn't understand and yea let silence be the final nail in this chapter. I am kind of with Lon, this guy could be scary. But hopefully the no contact will tamp down any crazy thoughts he might want conjure up in his head.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Women can be so gullible. Maybe it's my age but I'd be asking questions to find out about the guy. If he spoke minimally, I'd think it would be difficult to communicate and have a good conversation long term and move on.
> 
> 
> 
> I remember that. For ever study/results, there's one somewhere to contradict it! I think it makes men look pleasant, at ease/confident/comfortable with himself and friendly.


:iagree:

I need a man to engage me in conversation, I am big on eye contact, they must look at me when talking, smile once in a while, keep conversation flowing...

Which reminds me, the 26 yo who friendzoned me did all of that, he was so easy going, I totally have a crush on him still.

Now, the Navy dude, he did nothing of the above.... no wonder I felt nothing when we kissed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Social Media Guy texted me inviting me to his upcoming birthday.
> 
> Did not respond.
> 
> Then I posted something up on my social media and sure enough, he messages me there saying "Hey I just sent you a text message!"
> 
> Winky face.
> 
> Dis boy got da Jelly virus baaaad!
> 
> Goshdamn. I really need to keep my feminine wiles in check when I am out with guys. It's like I hit him over the head w/ a cupid w/o even realizing what I was doing.


Since you know that he sees all your posts, why not put one out there about him?

"Hey! Crazy creeper guy who keeps texting me and cant take a hint when I NEVER respond... LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!"


----------



## vi_bride04

If I was you, JB, I would change your privacy settings for him and put him in your "restricted" group so he doesn't see any of your posts. 

Or remove and block him


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Since you know that he sees all your posts, why not put one out there about him?
> 
> "Hey! Crazy creeper guy who keeps texting me and cant take a hint when I NEVER respond... LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!"


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Can you IMAGINE?!


----------



## Another Planet

Jelly just think of all the mental energy you will have available after you expel him from your life. No worrying when the next time he is going to try to contact you or what new crazy thing he will do next. 

Sometimes even the most minimal thing can tug on your psyche all day and fill up a good portion of your BS cup.
Ditch him so you can put your focus elsewhere


----------



## Disenchanted

When you meet someone that you like and they treat you the way you want to be treated it is the greatest thing ever.

Don't settle for less. 

This is advice to creeper Media Guy.


----------



## Another Planet

Is it the weekend yet?


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Is it the weekend yet?


Oh man...I wish. Specifically Sunday afternoon.


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Women can be so gullible. Maybe it's my age but I'd be asking questions to find out about the guy. If he spoke minimally, I'd think it would be difficult to communicate and have a good conversation long term and move on.


No offense Jelly, but I don't think you count as a regular woman. You've been well trained.... You have all these post divorce superpowers of keen observation and bullsh!t detection. I can't just tell you that you're pretty and special. No no, you're too smart for that. A woman of your caliber takes finesse and enough time to get to know you first. You're not at all what I'm looking for.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Oh man...I wish. Specifically Sunday afternoon.


Whats Sunday afternoon?


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Love that one. Had to read it for an ancient history course in college, and it obviously made an impression.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I taught it in a class this year and most of the students thought it was funny. It really is quite a text!


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> Nothing like the real thing. *sigh*


So true. Vibrators are great (and sometimes really valuable), but limited in the pleasure they provide; good sex involves the entire body and an exchange of energies which is truly revitalizing. I wish I were having more of the real thing and less of the substitute.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> That's me baby. I'm like a broke ass Batman.
> 
> But for real, women love trying to figure me out in person. I'm mysterious and brooding when it comes to strangers. I have this way of looking right into your eyes and seeing into you that stops women in their tracks. And I don't talk a whole lot, but I will listen to whatever you tell me and say very little.
> 
> So naturally I end up looking like a very strong and quiet alpha. Half of the women want to figure me out, the other half want start talking way too much and hope I'll join them. It's just awesome! It really is. All I have to do is say one or two words, a simple "hey", or NOTHING and they do all the talking for me.
> 
> Why so serious? You tell me.


I can see the appeal. A mystery is a thing that seeks the solving.


----------



## RandomDude

So horny... why why why did I choose to date this woman instead of just making her a FWB, bah! Now I have to wait a while >.<

... or do I? Hmmm


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> So horny... why why why did I choose to date this woman instead of just making her a FWB, bah! Now I have to wait a while >.<
> 
> ... or do I? Hmmm


What's your problem man? If you made a mistake correct it, if you made the choice you believe is right then live by it.

(Rub one out if you have to!)


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Is it the weekend yet?


Dude I want Saturday to get here so fricken bad I can't stand it!!!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Problem with rubbing one out while wooing the gatekeeper is that once the gate is open, the desire to pass through isn't as strong! Bah!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> That's what I have been doing. The only time I did respond was a week after he sent the love letter and I told him again I didn't want to date him. He replied back that he "understood." Then a few days later said he wanted to have wine with me. Heh.


Ah yes..One of those. Do you actually KNOW this dude? I've had that happen with friends who want to be more than friends. I just play dumb. I just ignore their texts and when I see them and they ask why I am ignoring them I say "Texts? What texts? I guess my cell service was out." 

They get the hint after awhile. 

If I don't know them then they are Blocked and Locked Out. I don't deal with people I don't know personally. Online Dating is something I sit back and watch others do. Sometimes I make popcorn. It's highly amusing.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

moxy said:


> So true. Vibrators are great (and sometimes really valuable), but limited in the pleasure they provide; good sex involves the entire body and an exchange of energies which is truly revitalizing. I wish I were having more of the real thing and less of the substitute.


Damn..I'm bad. I prefer the substitute. Far less messy and once I've had my fun I can just roll over and go to sleep. Or go downstairs and watch _Star Trek_ reruns. I love being single. :smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Problem with rubbing one out while wooing the gatekeeper is that once the gate is open, the desire to pass through isn't as strong! Bah!


You don't take care of your own needs while courting someone?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Problem with rubbing one out while wooing the gatekeeper is that once the gate is open, the desire to pass through isn't as strong! Bah!


Really? Hmm it's all or nuthin then. So I change my advice, don't rub one out.


----------



## whitehawk

Date sites l think :scratchhead: , l am starting to wonder .
The thing is , you go anywhere and actually see someone in the flesh then everything else goes from there.
That's how it was intended to be. First we see, then we like or we don't like and then we might meet , talk and from there which ever goes !.
But you know in a second , before bs and wks of crap, well l do anyway .

Whereas date site it can easily be wks and you have if your lucky a few very selected pics , often face only and a bit of writing .
Then emails , phone, then meet maybe , then oh - [email protected] , l wouldn't go for you at all , after all that soooo - l don't know .
lt is a really weird time wasting way to meet someone really , do you think ? But , if you don't really have much of a social life or friend of friends of friends circle then , you can at least meet new people so , damned if l know.

My progress , Pocket Rocket fizzled, weird, just wasn't happening for me and she also had some serious undertone baggage stuff goin on , talking heavy duty here.
AF , she's a really nice looking lady and l've got no doubt she's a very decent one at that. But , l just feel flat on her and l know from phone and email we're from different planets . So really , there's just not a whole lot there for me.

T . For anyone that read anything a few wks back , she's really something. Incredible likenesses in thoughts , tastes ,talk , music but we are also different to which is nice.
She's the one with long mousey blonde hair, it's fkg beautiful :smthumbup:
Thing is , apart from the hair which would for sure just make a pure mess of me if l was to see her out somewhere - normally l wouldn't sorta go for her lf l was to see her out somewhere .

So really , l'd be the first one to admit l have met some really nice girls in 5wks and any of these things, l guess you'd be finding with whom ever you met out in the real world anyway l guess really.
As Pocket Rocket said to me one day well, you know you can have a good time with someone at a party or bar but yet still , the minute you walk out the door together it's suddenly just nothin / And really , that happens doesn't it ?
Thing is , outa the 5 girls l started meeting, had of it been just an out somewhere thing thing where you see each other or meet somehow , really l wouldn't have gone for then in a typical setting .
T for the hair haha big maybe and Pocket Rocket well , a maybe to. She wasn't a beauty queen but she is a cutie .

l don't know but l suppose in such a short time frame you meet even one, or a couple of people as in this case that even interest you then really that's not bad at all is it really ? 

Vent over haha , any thoughts appreciated.


----------



## familyfirst09

To me whitehawk sounds like you are doing good. 5 women in a short span? Thats pretty good!! You can't expect them all to have the "wow" factor you may be looking for. Takes time. Sometimes I think the online dating thing is a waste of time, again another reason I haven't tried it yet, all that build up and wasted time to only meet face to face and there is no chemistry. Chemistry has to exist and that can only happen face to face! Might be better to just get out and meet new people, like thru meet ups.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks ff.
Yeah l never expected anything like this it's been really weird and very confusing. l'm more the type that just bides my time until that someone special does pop up so l'm not sure how l managed this tbh :rofl:

lt's not my way at all normally . Yeah l would def' prefer out and about though too , just wish l had a social life :rofl:


----------



## familyfirst09

Well then you need to make a social life!! Any meetup groups in your area? What about your friends?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> Well then you need to make a social life!! Any meetup groups in your area? What about your friends?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah , tell me about it been working on that one 15mths or so but strange, it just won't happen. Need it that's why , when you need something it rarely happens for you l reckon. Nothin much meet up either unfortunately .

Damn date sites had me busy at least, that's somem :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I don't want to block him because I think he is harmless. If he were showing up at my house that would be one thing. But I think it'd be weird to go to such an extreme when he really hasn't done anything offside to me. He's just hardcore crushing. I find him more annoying than anything else.



Yeah l hear you jb. AF has been doing a little bit similar . She just sort quietly keeps emailing me , wk after wk.
l thought l'd fixed it telly her a wk or two back that l was pretty involved with someone on the site .
But , so then she kept emailing but asking me how it was going , and again , and again.
But she's quite a nice girl like she's not offensive or pushy really just asks how it's going really in a hello type sense so l don't wanna block her as such.

But have a guess what she said the other night - maybe you should check me out !
As in l - check her out . 

Oh man l was embarrassed


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Isn't that weird how that works? After like almost 8-9months I have definitely learned how to snag attention online dating now.
> 
> I just deactivated my Match account this morning. No not completely because of Bleacher, I'm not throwing all the chips in on her already  I just decided even if it doesn't continue with her I want to focus on myself and get some things done in my life...AND actually listen to you guys and not date for awhile.....even if that "awhile" is like only a month I'm gonna take a break and catch up on somethings.




Yeah you bet, it is weird isn't it. l'm still running the same 5 liner straight of the top of my head very rough copy that took me all of about 3mins . 
lf it ain't broke while bother trying to fix it eh .
Can't believe it, think l'm gonna publish and sell this puppy :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

>.<!!! Well Lon, looks like I'll be rubbing one out after all! :banghead:

I'm going to need tomorrow night free if I'm going to score with my date as she's too tired to go out tonight... but bah! Fk it, I'll try next week, as my time with my daughter remains priority over the weekends.

Life as a single daddy -.-


----------



## Jellybeans

You like to create your own drama, RD.



whitehawk said:


> First we see, then we like or we don't like and then we might meet , talk and from there which ever goes !.
> But you know in a second , before bs and wks of crap, well l do anyway.


I am the same.



whitehawk said:


> you know you can have a good time with someone at a party or bar but yet still , the minute you walk out the door together it's suddenly just nothin / And really , that happens doesn't it ?


Yep. Sometimes you can enjoy time w/ someone but there va-va-voom that keeps you wanting more isn't there.



familyfirst09 said:


> Chemistry has to exist and that can only happen face to face!


:iagree:

It's either there or it isn't.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> So basically women love depressed guys, and men love narcissists.
> 
> Sort of a chicken and the egg thing isn't it?



Yeah l didn't have a smiling pic. Matter of fact l put a smiling one in finally just a day or 2 back . l've got a good smile but l reckon l look damn stupid in a pic so l ripped it out again.
Fk it l'm leaving the original in which l look kinda angry and miserable in tbh , that ones been working beautifully so to hell with it :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Wanting to get laid is creating my own drama? :scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

Hey all............im joining the freiking horny club.... want to get laid soooo bad but its not going to happen till like next week..... Im kinda either on or off in that regard... now ive been turned on, but life gets in the way......


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Hey all............im joining the freiking horny club.... want to get laid soooo bad but its not going to happen till like next week..... Im kinda either on or off in that regard... now ive been turned on, but life gets in the way......


That damn life, always getting in the way and ****


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Wanting to get laid is creating my own drama? :scratchhead:


No, it's not that at all. It's the back and forth you do. You say you want one thing and then get it and suddenly don't want it; it's like you are constantly struggling with yourself. 

You may draw a line somewhere then you move it or something is wrong with it so it's like you can't be satisfied. That's why I said you can be defeatist. You have to learn how to chill out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Why aren't you having sex for a week, Unsure?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Why aren't you having sex for a week, Unsure?


Well MR.Unsure (lol) is on a trip now and has had some big family issues to attend to this week..... and you know I like always have my munchkin, and i am very conservative about guys meeting my kid so that not happening anytime soon.... so the first I can see him is sometime next week.

single parent dating sucks!


----------



## Another Planet

Well maybe after this weekend I'll have some new drama myself to post for everyone's entertainment. Party at her place tonight, I'll see how I mesh with her friends.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Hey all............im joining the freiking horny club.... want to get laid soooo bad but its not going to happen till like next week..... Im kinda either on or off in that regard... now ive been turned on, but life gets in the way......


Maybe if you and RD lived closer   hehe


----------



## Jellybeans

Have fun, AP!

LOL, Lon! I think Unsure is on a different level than the women RD is used to playing with.  She may be too "direct/cuts through the bullsh*t" fast for him.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Maybe if you and RD lived closer   hehe


UMMMMMM Mr. Playa / change his mind every ten seconds...no thank you...if I want one of those I can easily find that close to me....

Lon when I choose to do a FWB I do it right.... hence Killer, built like GI Joe,and his niner...  If im going just for sex, its going to have to be amazing


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> UMMMMMM Mr. Playa / change his mind every ten seconds...no thank you...if I want one of those I can easily find that close to me....
> 
> Lon when I choose to do a FWB I do it right.... hence Killer, built like GI Joe,and his niner...  If im going just for sex, its going to have to be amazing


Didn't you end up with feelings? That wouldn't be FWB. I know you gracefully came out of it but you were hurt anyway right?


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> No, it's not that at all. It's the back and forth you do. You say you want one thing and then get it and suddenly don't want it; it's like you are constantly struggling with yourself.
> 
> You may draw a line somewhere then you move it or something is wrong with it so it's like you can't be satisfied. That's why I said you can be defeatist. You have to learn how to chill out.


Say what? I didn't change my mind - I'm still dating her 
I just decided to 'accelerate' the physical bonding process hehe

Only reason I decided to 'promote' my date from potential-FWB to potential-GF status is because well... she's a cut above the rest so far!



> UMMMMMM Mr. Playa / change his mind every ten seconds...no thank you...if I want one of those I can easily find that close to me....
> 
> Lon when I choose to do a FWB I do it right.... hence Killer...


Playa? Me? :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Didn't you end up with feelings? That wouldn't be FWB. I know you gracefully came out of it but you were hurt anyway right?


 killer....no real feelings..... (girls (almost) always have some sort of feelings for a guy they are sleeping with)

Ive only had real feelings for one since divorce, the engy,.... though Mr.Unsure is well on his way


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Have fun, AP!
> 
> LOL, Lon! I think Unsure is on a different level than the women RD is used to playing with.  She may be too "direct/cuts through the bullsh*t" fast for him.


Yes I suspect they are completely incompatible but I thought it was funny they are complaining about the exact sane thing so I had to make a joke!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I just decided to 'accelerate' the physical bonding process hehe


Is that what they are calling it now? Haha, by the way I love this terminology and am going to start using it from now on. "Would you like to accelerate the physical bonding process with me?" It sounds so scientific/flirty. 



unsure78 said:


> Lon when I choose to do a FWB I do it right.... If im going just for sex, its going to have to be amazing


And THIS is how you do a FWB.  Love it!


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Yes I suspect they are completely incompatible but I thought it was funny they are complaining about the exact sane thing so I had to make a joke!


That's because it IS funny! I have a feeling Unsure would eat the women for dinner that RD deals with. And only leave their bones while she sashays off while texting her next conquest. Not even in the same universe (unsure and RD's women).

But with that thought, RD, maybe you should go for an older woman who only wants a play thing and can actually DO FWB. You need a Mrs. Robinson.

Unsure, did you have any feelings for Slow?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Unsure, did you have any feelings for Slow?


Thats right I did actually like him... but it kept stopping it never really developed into anything...



I like Mr Unsure a lot...I could love him if things continue to progress..


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Thats right I did actually like him... but it kept stopping it never really developed into anything...
> 
> 
> 
> *I like Mr Unsure a lot...I could love him if things continue to progress*..


 Did you just say that!!!
:smthumbup: So much awesome!


----------



## ne9907

The schedule for tonight is;

Comedy hour by the beach, followed by dinner and finishing with a documentary on the Dalai Lama. 

From a meetup, hope to meet new people!!~


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Did you just say that!!!
> :smthumbup: So much awesome!


Its true.... but im trying not to get ahead of myself....Ive seen men go from hot to cold several times now... 

im letting him lead this...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Its true.... but im trying not to get ahead of myself....Ive seen men go from hot to cold several times now...


:iagree:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> And THIS is how you do a FWB.  Love it!


But therein lies the problem, how do you get you the point of knowing whether it is going to be amazing or not without investing too much emotion?


----------



## Jellybeans

You don't invest emotions, Lon.

That's the entire point of FWB. No feelings.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> You don't invest emotions, Lon.
> 
> That's the entire point of FWB. No feelings.


Well it seems to me it would be more the point of ONS, which are pretty much random hookups based on inadequate information to determine if the sex will be amazing or not. I suppose if you do a ONS and it turns out amazing you could accelerate that person into a FB. But even then you have begun investing emotions. That is just how we are all wired, there is no escaping the reality of how our minds work. I postulate that nobody can ever have amazing sex without having any "feelings".


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> But therein lies the problem, how do you get you the point of knowing whether it is going to be amazing or not without investing too much emotion?


Hmmm well in my case it was kinda logical..

I picked a man who was extremely physically fit... Due to his job I knew he was very familiar with the human body, so it was a good assumption he would prob be good at pleasuring, I also had found out one of the earlier dates that his last gf was a former adult actress, and they were together for as while... once again, that would logically conclude that most likely he is good in bed. Also the man was an expert dater, which again, led me to conclude he knows what hes doing 


I went on enough dates with him before we slept together to realize that we would not be a potential love match... his lifestyle and intellect were just not a good match for me... but i did still enjoy his company. 

Therefore FWB material... and he was fantastic..  (oh though we were FWB he still took me on dates..just no real feelings involved)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

My weekend is going to consist of planting 3 more lariope in my front flower bed, weed the flower bed under kiddo's bedroom window and plant another bleeding heart (one died) and spread about 8 bags of mulch. If it doesn't rain too much.

And knowing it will rain some, figure out if I can fit four pieces of lumber 10x10x2 through my little hatch/pass-through between the trunk and backseat. I also need 10x1x3 top grade lumber, crown molding, baseboard, screws and L brackets.

I'm doing a built-in bookcase surround around my fireplace. Great to know that all of the men there will only think I'm there fishing.  That's why my friend always told me to "look up from my list" and to ask for help. And I would always say that I was there to actually get stuff and didn't need any help. And she would roll her eyes and sigh in frustration. 

Someone do something kinky/fun/wild/sexual this weekend so I can live vicariously through you guys.


----------



## Dollystanford

Apologies, I will be wiping plaster dust off every surface in my house this weekend


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> Apologies, I will be wiping plaster dust off every surface in my house this weekend


Explosion or meteor?


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> My weekend is going to consist of planting 3 more *lariope* in my front flower bed, weed the flower bed under kiddo's bedroom window and plant another bleeding heart (one died) and spread about 8 bags of mulch. If it doesn't rain too much.
> 
> And knowing it will rain some, figure out if I can fit four pieces of lumber 10x10x2 through my little hatch/pass-through between the trunk and backseat. I also need 10x1x3 top grade lumber, crown molding, baseboard, screws and L brackets.
> 
> I'm doing a built-in bookcase surround around my fireplace. Great to know that all of the men there will only think I'm there fishing.  That's why my friend always told me to "look up from my list" and to ask for help. And I would always say that I was there to actually get stuff and didn't need any help. And she would roll her eyes and sigh in frustration.
> 
> Someone do something kinky/fun/wild/sexual this weekend so I can live vicariously through you guys.


Not to be a plant snob or anything but it's liriope lol people pronounce it improperly AAALLLL the time that's why I knew what you meant lol
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liriope_(genus)


----------



## Lon

unsure78 said:


> Hmmm well in my case it was kinda logical..
> 
> I picked a man who was extremely physically fit... Due to his job I knew he was very familiar with the human body, so it was a good assumption he would prob be good at pleasuring, I also had found out one of the earlier dates that his last gf was a former adult actress, and they were together for as while... once again, that would logically conclude that most likely he is good in bed. Also the man was an expert dater, which again, led me to conclude he knows what hes doing
> 
> 
> I went on enough dates with him before we slept together to realize that we would not be a potential love match... his lifestyle and intellect were just not a good match for me... but i did still enjoy his company.
> 
> Therefore FWB material... and he was fantastic..  (oh though we were FWB he still took me on dates..just no real feelings involved)


But you aren't really friends though, are you? More like FB's? (I know I know, I'm getting too hung up on technicalities here... I just can't really relate at all so my analysis really isn't even worth much anyway as long as what you decide to do is what you think is right then it is!)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Not to be a plant snob or anything but it's liriope lol people pronounce it improperly AAALLLL the time that's why I knew what you meant lol
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liriope_(genus)


Ah, misspelled. I do pronounce it correctly, though - my parents are both Master Gardeners. I did not inherit the green thumb, however. I joke that's the only way people can tell I'm adopted. I have what I refer to as the "Darwin Yard". Only the fittest survive.  And you can't kill monkey grass! (It borders the yard side of front walk so I'm putting it on the other side as well.)


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> But you aren't really friends though, are you? More like FB's? (I know I know, I'm getting too hung up on technicalities here... I just can't really relate at all so my analysis really isn't even worth much anyway as long as what you decide to do is what you think is right then it is!)


Oh im waaaaay done with him it only lasted a couple months...

thats a good point Lon...actually I dont think I would ever have sex with one whos is just a friend...if you have really been friend zoned with me im not attracted to you


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm doing a built-in bookcase surround around my fireplace.


This sounds so cool.



Another Planet said:


> Not to be *a plant snob*


Oh I do love this term!



Lon said:


> But you aren't really friends though, are you? More like FB's? (I know I know, I'm getting too hung up on technicalities here...


It is all about technicalities.

See, to me, the idea of FWB is just two people who hook up. The "friend" is just a word used in this hooking up vernacular. I think LisaB sees it how you do, too, Lon.

I had a FWB in college. (We were actually friends.) Zero emotions and neither of wanted to have a"real" relationship with eachother. We were on the same page and it worked extremely well. We stopped and both began dating other people who were well-suited to us. I always remember him fondly and have nothing but kind words to say about him. That situation, I believe, is an anomaly, and just does not happen often. Generally, someone ends up catching feelings. We never did. I think it takes a certain kind of understanding for it to happen without emotions and to both see eye-to-eye. It has to be completely transparent: both of the people involved. If one wants more then it can't be FWB anymore.

I do think they are rarities (the ones that actually function as they are supposed to).


----------



## Lon

JB the description of your relationship with your college friend is my precise understanding of what FWB means, and I do think it is somewhat rare but that doesn't mean people can get fast and loose with the vernacular


----------



## Another Planet

I know some marriages that are basically glorified FWB except the benefits aren't sex 

"hey Sam" "hey Ralph"......


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I know some marriages that are basically glorified FWB except the benefits aren't sex


Hehe. But that would just be FRIEND relationship. The "benefits" in "FWB" are always sexual. Least that's how I take it to mean.


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> JB the description of your relationship with your college friend is my precise understanding of what FWB means, and I do think it is somewhat rare but that doesn't mean people can get fast and loose with the vernacular


LOL I believe FWB can only be used when you were actually friends prior to sleeping together. Don't call someone your friend if you don't actually want to be their friend. 

Just screwing someone without any sort of emotional investment (even just friendly) is not a FWB...jmo


----------



## Jellybeans

I know we all define it diferently.. and in my case I actually WAS friends with my FWB... but when I hear FWBs, my mind never thinks "they're friends." My mind thinks: they are two people who have an understanding of hooking up only. That's how I define FWB.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> LOL I believe FWB can only be used when you were actually friends prior to sleeping together. Don't call someone your friend if you don't actually want to be their friend.
> 
> Just screwing someone without any sort of emotional investment (even just friendly) is not a FWB...jmo


Hey Lisa what was the vid intro thing you wanted for your site?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> ... but when I hear FWBs, my mind never thinks "they're friends." My mind thinks: they are two people who have an understanding of hooking up only. That's how I define FWB.


To me that is the exact definition of FBs


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> It is all about technicalities.
> 
> See, to me, the idea of FWB is just two people who hook up. The "friend" is just a word used in this hooking up vernacular. I think LisaB sees it how you do, too, Lon.
> 
> I had a FWB in college. (We were actually friends.) Zero emotions and neither of wanted to have a"real" relationship with eachother. We were on the same page and it worked extremely well. We stopped and both began dating other people who were well-suited to us. I always remember him fondly and have nothing but kind words to say about him. That situation, I believe, is an anomaly, and just does not happen often. Generally, someone ends up catching feelings. We never did. I think it takes a certain kind of understanding for it to happen without emotions and to both see eye-to-eye. It has to be completely transparent: both of the people involved. If one wants more then it can't be FWB anymore.
> 
> I do think they are rarities (the ones that actually function as they are supposed to).


I had a FWB situation in college, and it worked out really well, but it's not your typical FWB sitch, either. We started out as a relationship at the beginning of sophomore year, but broke up around Thanksgiving. When we broke up, his friends decided that they wanted to keep me in the social circle, because we all got along so well, and they told him he was just going to have to deal with it. But he and I had a hard time keeping our hands off each other, so over the next 3 years, we had an agreement. When we were both single, we were FWB; if I started dating someone or he started dating someone, we had a hands-off policy. Over that time, we actually did become good friends.

It worked out pretty well for both of us, though he did break up with a girlfriend who felt threatened by me, and said that he had to choose her or me. And we're still friends. We live in the same city, but we don't get to see each other much anymore because of work and other commitments. Even so, he's one of the few people in my life who would do anything for me, all I have to do is ask.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> But he and I had a hard time keeping our hands off each other.


----------



## Nsweet

Um.... Unsure. I would be really careful about calling this new guy Mr. Unsure. You don't want to seed the idea that he's going to marry you, only to set yourself up for disappointment if everything doesn't work out. 

This is the reason why people who tend to fall in love too quickly get hurt. When you over qualify that person a "perfect" before they have a chance to prove themselves to you, it almost always ends in disappointment and heartbreak.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> But he and I had a hard time keeping our hands off each other.
Click to expand...

What can I say? We were 19 and horny


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet you must realize that these are why I have some fairly strict rules in place... not meeting my family, not meeting my child for a super extended period of time... not actually spending a ton of time together...

all of my rules are designed to actually allow myself to feel/fall but at the end of the day make smart decisions...without being overruled by those feelings


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Oh nsweet lighten up.... i dont expect hes going to marry me...
> 
> hell im not sure we will actually make it past the 3 month mark... he hasn't had a post D realtionship last more than 3 months, nor has he "loved" post D ...(some questions i asked him)... oh and i have a ton of fun with him
> 
> best predictor of future behavior is past behavior... im not counting on anything.... but i like him very much


Yeah, I'm not really sure about all of that. 

So long as you don't chase him into a breakup with you or rush things along too fast... You can probably make it longer than 3 months. 

I have a feeling with this guy he's going to shut down for a while or friend-zone you while he grieves his divorce and some other events. That's ok. That's just when you disappear or lay low for a while. Go on a few dates yourself and call him up in about 3 months.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Nsweet you must realize that these are why I have some fairly strict rules in place... not meeting my family, not meeting my child for a super extended period of time... not actually spending a ton of time together...
> 
> all of my rules are designed to actually allow myself to feel/fall but at the end of the day make smart decisions...without being overruled by those feelings


Ok then. Why not put the breaks on the relationship yourself. You like this guy, he likes you, so for the time being you hold off on sex and get to know him and spend time with him just being comfortable and resume things when he's recovered from his losses.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Hes been divorced for 3 yrs... thats a non-issue


How sure are you about that? Some people still carry scars long after they've been broken up or divorced.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> How sure are you about that? Some people still carry scars long after they've been broken up or divorced.


Yea.. ive been on dates with plenty that bear those scars... easy spot because they talk a bunch about their ex still or HOW the ex made them feel... they dont talk about it in a factual manner

for instance exh blues, i can talk about what happened in our marriage in a factual matter without delving into details or how a particular action made me feel...i for the most part feel neutral about our marriage..

the engy on the other hand... stirs up emotions, and i say things like "i hope i never see him again", I still bear those scars


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> Ok then. Why not put the breaks on the relationship yourself. You like this guy, he likes you, so for the time being you hold off on sex and get to know him and spend time with him just being comfortable and resume things when he's recovered from his losses.


if it's not broke, don't fix it. I don't think she needs to stop anything before he does. Her heads is in the right place, it seems like they are into each other. I don't see what the problem is...they are dating. Why pull back on dating? Because she likes him? I think you are anticipating negativity without any real cause, nsweet.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Ok then. Why not put the breaks on the relationship yourself. You like this guy, he likes you, so for the time being you hold off on sex and get to know him and spend time with him just being comfortable and resume things when he's recovered from his losses.


Why?? She is happy and enjoying this, why be such a downer?? :scratchhead:


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> if it's not broke, don't fix it. I don't think she needs to stop anything before he does. Her heads is in the right place, it seems like they are into each other. I don't see what the problem is...they are dating. Why pull back on dating? Because she likes him? I think you are anticipating negativity without any real cause, nsweet.


Nsweet is just a little concerned because he has been privy to a bit more information than I put up on the thread... (ya know public and all)...

I am still a girl and sometimes have my freakouts of like... OMG hes texting me less..he must not be interested anymore... when there is other stuff going on... most women I know are like this, sometimes Nsweet you still have somethings to learn about women


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> if it's not broke, don't fix it. I don't think she needs to stop anything before he does. Her heads is in the right place, it seems like they are into each other. I don't see what the problem is...they are dating. Why pull back on dating? Because she likes him? I think you are anticipating negativity without any real cause, nsweet.


He may not be in the right mind to date Unsure for a while. Hence the slowing down and spending time together without any pressure. 



unsure78 said:


> Oh and im allowing him to lead this not me...he has forwarded it not me, I just follow suit (and we dont always have sex, sometimes just lunch dates and all)
> 
> I may be hurt at the end of the day Nsweet... but at least I have not tucked tail and run scared... I have had almost a year in between last real realtionship and this one... im not in a bad spot


You mean BOTH of you have not tucked your tail between your legs and run scared. If he's not had a relationship that lasted longer than 3 months before this.... You just know he's going to be getting anxious around the 3 month mark with you. That's when you keep going at that slow and steady pace or pull back just a little until he feels safe with you. 

Think about this like an intensive therapy session for the both of you. You're both opening up to each other and talking about your feelings, and when things get too serious and make you want to freak out you let the other one know and you go back a few steps. You don't quit, you just go back a few steps. And one of you can help the other or visa versa until eventually you're no longer afraid and feel comfortable.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Nsweet is just a little concerned because he has been privy to a bit more information than I put up on the thread... (ya know public and all)...
> 
> I am still a girl and sometimes have my freakouts of like... OMG hes texting me less..he must not be interested anymore... when there is other stuff going on... most women I know are like this, sometimes Nsweet you still have somethings to learn about women


Yeah guys, we're close platonic friends. We share some details about our lives that we don't openly say around here. Unsure is like a cousin to me. 

Some things to learn about women? Uhh... I've been telling you exactly what you put in that second paragraph. Things like "don't get worked up until you know the facts", "follow the 180 with your dates too", and "keep your dating options open in case Mr. Perfect doesn't work out.... So at least that way you'll have someone to talk to when you're lonely."


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Nsweet is just a little concerned because he has been privy to a bit more information than I put up on the thread... (ya know public and all)...
> 
> 
> 
> I am still a girl and sometimes have my freakouts of like... OMG hes texting me less..he must not be interested anymore... when there is other stuff going on... most women I know are like this, sometimes Nsweet you still have *somethings to learn about women*



You will have to excuse me if you have heard me tell this joke before. 

Man cleaning out his attic comes across the proverbial lamp. He dusts and shines it up and poof, out comes a male genie. 

Genie: I grant thee one wish, economy being what it is nowadays, one is all I can grant. 

Man: I would like to have a bridge built between here (CA) and HI so I can go on vacation there anytime I like. 

Genie: I grant thee one wish and you ask for this? Not a million dollars or a beautiful wife?

The man (who is not married) thinks about it. 

Man: wait, I want to change my wish. Tell me everything I need to know about women. That is my wish.

Genie: so would like that bridge built out of concrete or steel?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Unsure is doing just fine, to the point of her username needing a change. Not everything can be manipulated or predicted, let the cards fall where they may and act accordingly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Thanks Up.... and sometimes girls just freak out about stuff no matter what... its part of being a girl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Thanks Up.... *and sometimes girls just freak out about stuff no matter what... its part of being a girl*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ain't that the truth.:rofl: 

I'm beginning to think those marriage vows need an update. Right before "Until death do you part" they need a little something along the lines of "And do you [groom] promise to keep a level head when she's freaking out, and to pacify her anxiety about stuff that really doesn't matter as best as you can?"


----------



## Ikaika

Cheer up everyone it is almost summer 

Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime ORIGINAL 1970 - YouTube


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> Cheer up everyone it is almost summer
> 
> Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime ORIGINAL 1970 - YouTube


Can it be spring first?


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> Can it be spring first?


I thought you guys had two seasons, winter and three months of construction? Maybe that was Alaska.


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> I thought you guys had two seasons, winter and three months of construction? Maybe that was Alaska.


No that's Michigan, unfortunately for people like Vi and me.


----------



## Nsweet

video_1.swf - YouTube


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> I thought you guys had two seasons, winter and three months of construction? Maybe that was Alaska.


No, that is us. You got it right. Spring is simply the one week of above freezing where the snow all melts leaving the equipment to all get stuck in the mud.


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> You don't invest emotions, Lon.
> 
> That's the entire point of FWB. No feelings.


But you want to be FRIENDS. Otherwise it's a casual "fling". To me, a FWB is the scenario where you meet your bud for pizza and beer, maybe take in a football game. Have some sex and then he goes off to do his thing and you do yours. No ties, no guilt trips. Just fun. 

I'd love one of those but finding a friend that I want to sleep with, who I have an attraction for is a problem. :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> I had a FWB in college. (We were actually friends.) Zero emotions and neither of wanted to have a"real" relationship with eachother. We were on the same page and it worked extremely well. We stopped and both began dating other people who were well-suited to us. I always remember him fondly and have nothing but kind words to say about him. That situation, I believe, is an anomaly, and just does not happen often. Generally, someone ends up catching feelings. We never did. I think it takes a certain kind of understanding for it to happen without emotions and to both see eye-to-eye. It has to be completely transparent: both of the people involved. If one wants more then it can't be FWB anymore.
> 
> I do think they are rarities (the ones that actually function as they are supposed to).


:iagree: It's rare. I had that too. Years ago. A long time friend and I just "hooked up" and had some great sex. We'd always been attracted to each other but both knew we could never work as a couple. But we were both single and horny so it worked. 

Then he started dating someone and broke it off and I began dating my ex husband awhile later. So we just reverted and went back to friends. Once in awhile we would joke about the sex we had but it was just a fun secret between us. It was cool. 

Turns out right after I got divorced he separated from his wife after she filed for divorce. So I figured "what the heck?". His wife hadn't had sex with him for a year and he was rarin' to go and so was I. So we had a one day fling. It was fun and it was nice to have someone in my bed besides the memory of my ex. 

But he had turned flakey in his middle age. He actually looked and performed well but he was still obsessed about his STBX wife, not much fun and nonexistent as a friend, plus he kept texting me about meeting up and hooking up. 

Once he texted me at 2 am that he was on his way home from a business meeting and asked if he could "drop by?" I was starting to feel like a call girl, not a friend. So after he went on one of is rants about how much he hated his wife, I told him I'd had enough of his drama and that we were done and I haven't heard from him since. 

It seems a good FWB is harder to find then a relationship.


----------



## ne9907

Ive never had a friends with benefits. Thinking about the possibilities


----------



## Freak On a Leash

ne9907 said:


> Ive never had a friends with benefits. Thinking about the possibilities


It's a double edged sword. If you are in "relationship mode" then it's death. If you want to have fun with a friend with a bit of sex thrown in to spice things up then it's golden. It's tough to find though.


----------



## vi_bride04

Bar hopping with a fellow single gf. Having a blast. Oh and its finally Saturday!!!!!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Last week I went skiing with my daughter and partied with my buddies. Spent a lot of money. I've run around doing chores, taking my son and myself to the doctor for the past two days. 

Tonight I'm just hanging out, playing some WoW and chilling. Plan to do the same tomorrow as well as do laundry. 

It's supposed to pour rain tomorrow night and I'm debating if I want to go out. Might just hang at home since I got a birthday brunch on Sunday. 

Sometimes it's nice to just chillax at home.


----------



## whitehawk

Nothing going on here just a nice wkend with my d.

T and me are still on but , l'm afraid it's in sliding mode and l don't really care tbh.
l need a women rest already so got a feeling l might have one pretty soon.

She went down to the city last night to see a play she booked mths ago . l've had too bigger wk to be fkd with 6hrs of driving but l must admit , l was kinda looking forward to some space.

Me and d are hanging outside to shoot sunsets in time lapse tonight , gonna be cool .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Went on a date today at lunch. It was fantastic. She's a really cool chick who I met at a volunteer event. And her eyes.......
Ok I'm back. I'm brooding tonight. She's quite a bit younger than me (I'm 33, she's not quite 26). She's never been married, no kids, and certainly not experienced with "life" as I unfortunately am. I'd love to date her for a while just to see if we could have some fun, but alas I think the differences are too much. I let myself get excited about the date and now I'm feeling disappointed that it will probably not work. Boo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Freak On a Leash

TheGoodGuy said:


> She's quite a bit younger than me (I'm 33, she's not quite 26). She's never been married, no kids, and certainly not experienced with "life" as I unfortunately am. I'd love to date her for a while just to see if we could have some fun, but alas I think the differences are too much.


I don't think 26 is all that much younger. Never married, no kids..Does she want all that? Do you?


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Lon when I choose to do a FWB I do it right.... hence Killer, built like GI Joe,and his niner...  If im going just for sex, its going to have to be amazing


I agree! When I want someone to just have fun with, it's all about the physical lust. The amount of drama I'll tolerate is proportional to how hot I think my lover is and how good I think the sex is. Unfortunately, I'm turned on by that which challenges my expectations.

However, I think that feelings are important: Infatuation, flirtation, anticipation, lust, affection, longing....all the stuff of romance. In my opinion, the difference is t a lack of feelings, but a lack of commitment. For instance, my current paramour is not the sort if person with whom I see a long term future, simply because of the various differences in our motivations, goals, and ideals (plus, he's younger than me). There's plenty I don't like about things between us, things that are sexy but sleazy; at the same time, I can't get the feeling of our physical interaction out of my head and feel very much frustrated because I have to wait to have it again. It may happen (that's the plan), but it's possible that it was just ephemeral and fleeting. I'd be sad if there were no repeat, but I won't be trying to secure it or anything like that. Part of the fun is the mystery, I guess. Things started out a bit more like dating, but quickly took a more indulgent tone. I feel plenty for him, both physically and emotionally -- including affection and longing -- but, not much of a willingness to exert big energy in a commitment way and I'm not asking for it, either. So, IMO, feelings good, commitment bad -- when it comes to fun without strings attached, anyway.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Freak On a Leash said:


> I don't think 26 is all that much younger. Never married, no kids..Does she want all that? Do you?


I don't know what she wants to be honest. Only so much "deep" conversation one can stuff into a 1 hour lunch.. ;-) I have been married twice, lost a child from 1st marriage, and have custody of an 8 yo girl. I imagine that's bound to scare some off that have not experienced what I have. I've not yet shared all my past either (didn't feel that was date 1 material..). My ideal mate? At the moment would be someone with some "life" under their belt, with 1 kid as well, who is done having natural children (I am snipped) and ready to finish raising kids and have some fun now that we're "older" and actually have money to do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I heard this song on the radio on one of my drives.. absolutely priceless, kinda fits for the dating world

"I've got some ocean front property in Arizona
From my front porch you can see the sea
I've got some ocean front property in Arizona
And if you'll buy that I'll throw the Golden Gate in free"


----------



## RandomDude

It's not rare to find a FWB as long as you understand that almost all of the time it can never be long term. My last two FWBs were just that, but both wanted more - one of them with me and the other wanted to start dating again.

So the correct statement would be: It's NOT rare to FIND a FWB, but it's rare to KEEP a FWB 

I find the turnover rate higher amongst women however, many of us men can be rather content with loveless sex it seems.


----------



## Nsweet

I think people put too much emphasis in the sexual part of the FWB relationship. Give me a female that is worthy of friendship and the sex will work itself out.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

TheGoodGuy said:


> At the moment would be someone with some "life" under their belt, with 1 kid as well, who is done having natural children (I am snipped) and ready to finish raising kids and have some fun now that we're "older" and actually have money to do so.


Why would you want someone with a kid and have to deal with that scenario? The ex husband/father, etc? I would think someone who doesn't have kids would be good, except she would probably want to have them with you. :scratchhead: Hmmm...

Finding someone who is single, never been married, doesn't have kids and would want to raise yours while not wanting to have some as well...Yeah, that's a tall order to fill. 

A woman who doesn't want kids at all might not want to deal with your child, but you never know. As a person who didn't like the baby/toddler stage at all an 8 year old sounds pretty good to me. They start turning human then but aren't into that whole teenage stage. 

Glad I'm past all that! I won't date a guy who has young kids and wants me involved but by the time you get to be my age most have kids who are pretty independent so you don't get that situation, but when you are in your 30s it's a factor for sure. 

I always say to go with your gut. If you aren't feeling good about someone then that's all you need to know. A date isn't a commitment, it's a test drive.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> I think people put too much emphasis in the sexual part of the FWB relationship. Give me a female that is worthy of friendship and the sex will work itself out.


I agree with this to some extent, although there has to be some sexual attraction going on for a friend to become one with benefits. I have a lot of male friends but don't feel any attraction to them sexually. 

One problem is that lately it seems a lot of the men who I become friends want it to become more right off and start to bombard me with texts and try to get physical right off, which pretty much ends it. I just start avoiding them completely so out goes the friendship and anything else that might develop. 

With me, the constant attention and smothering does NOT work. Quite the opposite. It's a turn off. I need breathing room. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone. One guy who I actually was getting friendly with and had a few make out sessions began bombarding me with texts EVERY DAY. 

It got to the point where I just ignored his texts. He finally got the hint. But if he'd been patient and given me time to warm up to him first it might've gone someplace. Now I don't want any part of him except to see him socially, in a group situation. 

I think men think that's what a woman wants and perhaps they do, but not this woman.


----------



## Another Planet

ugh boring.....
Was hanging with Bleacher, her GF, and a "guy" friend of theirs. We were touchy feely all night. Made out, she's a sloppy kisser so ehh. Other dude took off cause pretty sure we made him uncomfortable.
So it was just me and 2 girls. I was chatting with her GF then next thing we know bleachers passed the fck out on her couch. So GF and I chatted for awhile longer then she said she had to go to bed...So now I am left sitting there scratching my head, so I just went home lol
I get a text this morning wondering where I went?! wtf


----------



## vi_bride04

Wow sounds like a good time, AP 

Is bleacher still a f*ck yes?


----------



## Dollystanford

sloppy kisser AND passing out on the couch? score!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Wow sounds like a good time, AP
> 
> Is bleacher still a f*ck yes?


Yes and no lol. She is definitely interesting enough for my messed up personality and we oooze physical spark for sure. Honestly we don't even need to try which is really nice. It's weird though, it's like we are 2 completely different classes of people. I've had suspicions already but I don't think she is intelligent enough for me, if I can say that with out sounding arrogant. BUT she has caught me off guard a couple times which makes me think she is very bright she just doesn't appreciate herself. 
I don't know, I'm going back over tonight at some point so we will see.



Dollystanford said:


> sloppy kisser AND passing out on the couch? score!


lol It wasn't bad just kinda drunk so maybe it gets better minus the alchohol


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yes and no lol. She is definitely interesting enough for my messed up personality and we oooze physical spark for sure. Honestly we don't even need to try which is really nice. It's weird though, it's like we are 2 completely different classes of people. I've had suspicions already but I don't think she is intelligent enough for me, if I can say that with out sounding arrogant. BUT she has caught me off guard a couple times which makes me think she is very bright she just doesn't appreciate herself.
> I don't know, I'm going back over tonight at some point so we will see.
> 
> 
> 
> lol It wasn't bad just kinda drunk so maybe it gets better minus the alchohol


Don't under estimate the importance of intellectual compatibility. EVER.


----------



## Dollystanford

Amen

AMEN


----------



## jpr

Agree....intellect is everything.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Agree....intellect is everything.


Not everything, but for an ongoing relationship definitely the top thing!


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> Not everything, but for an ongoing relationship definitely the top thing!



Unless you are like me and confuse and obfuscate your SO.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't under estimate the importance of intellectual compatibility. EVER.


Agreed, I consider it "finding someone of a similar 'wavelength'" 

Also why my recent date has elevated herself from potential-FWB to date-material. It's whether I want to get to know someone or ram someone - but sometimes it's both!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Agreed, I consider it "finding someone of a similar 'wavelength'"
> 
> Also why my recent date has elevated herself from potential-FWB to date-material. It's whether I want to get to know someone or ram someone - but sometimes it's both!


Yes!!! Same wavelength is a great way to put it.

And I know that's why I'm attracted to disc golf hat.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> Unless you are like me and confuse and obfuscate your SO.


I think you are less intellectually diverse from your wife than you insinuate


----------



## Another Planet

Yes similar wavelength is a GREAT way to put it because everyone is smart in their own way, it's just if you are smart about the same things which means generally you are interested in the same things.


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> I think you are less intellectually diverse from your wife than you insinuate



Intellectual simplicity suits me well.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> Intellectual simplicity suits me well.


Sure it does


----------



## ne9907

Sloppy kisser?

Either dump her, or teach her how to kiss. I am sure we already had a discussion about sloppy kissers. 

Kissing is so very important.


On another news, I just had a very strange "dating" experience.

Last night, I had a redbull and could not for the life of me, fall asleep. So I am back on Tinder, looking at hot men etc, I liked a few. A few liked me back, one of them is a 40 year old very man. 

He messaged me as soon as I liked him, on his profile, he says he loves stories to tell him one. So I made up a story and sent it. This was at like 3am.

He sent me another one but I was asleep, I wake up and another story. Intriguing stories about change, growth as an individual, and hope.

Then he asked me out! No chit-chat, no BS, no drama, just asked me out on a date for Monday....

Very fast, lighting fast, in my opinion. But I am bored so I said yes, our date is for Monday at 5ish..


----------



## Jellybeans

Lightning fast is better than the slow.... to....ask...you....out.

I say KUDOS. I like a man who is straightforward.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> YHonestly we don't even need to try which is really nice. It's weird though, it's like we are 2 completely different classes of people. I've had suspicions already but I don't think she is intelligent enough for me, if I can say that with out sounding arrogant.


Not having to 'try' is the best. What do you mean by when you say she isn't intelligent enough for you? Expand.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

ne9907 said:


> Sloppy kisser?
> 
> Either dump her, or teach her how to kiss. I am sure we already had a discussion about sloppy kissers.
> 
> Kissing is so very important.


:iagree:

I've been with sloppy kissers and the one who make NOISES are the worse. :slap: One dude is a great kisser and I enjoyed it for that but feel nothing more. He keeps wanting more so once again I've had to be the bad person and just ignore the constant texting, etc, etc.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> Lightning fast is better than the slow.... to....ask...you....out.
> 
> I say KUDOS. I like a man who is straightforward.


True..and best of luck. :smthumbup: I gotta say I could never go out and spend time with someone I haven't met in person. No way. I would only date someone like that if I actually knew them. 

But I guess this is today's dating scene and quite normal. I find it fascinating.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah I prefer to meet people in person, to Freak. It is a sign of the times,t his online dating thing, but what I find really odd is those that jut keep the online stuff w/o really setting up to meet. Isn't the point to meet in person? Meet in person! Cause until that happens, you are having Wifi communication. Doesn't mean anything til you can sort out the connection/chemistry in person. I guess I am old-fashioned.


----------



## familyfirst09

Face to face is key and the faster that can happen the better. I am heading out on an impromptu date myself. Guy I work with (not same dept), was chatting getting our video conf equipment set up, he added me on facebook, started chatting and he asked me to go for a hike and supper. So I said screw it and said yes!! Why the hell not. Nice guy, cute, tall, 30 (lol I'm 40). Its just a hike and it's a great day for it. Off I go! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Have fun, chick.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

I guess I'm really old fashioned but mostly it has to do with my nature. I can be very sociable and outgoing but it has to be on my terms and I always want an escape route. 

To get together with a total stranger that I've only met online and actually spend a day with him on a date isn't something that I'm temperamentally suited for in any way, shape or form. That in itself is too much of a commitment of my time and effort right off. I have to work my way up to that point. 

I guess it's because I don't like many people right off. I have to warm up to them gradually. So I'd need to meet them in a social setting first, hang out with them and then decide if I actually want to date them. 

Which is why I've gone on exactly ONE date with a person in the past 3.5 years I've been separated/divorced. :rofl: Even then the guy started to annoy me and we only lasted 2 dates before I called it quits. 

My friends all say I'm never going to find a guy the way I am and I respond "That's fine because I don't care much anyway." I guess at some point I'll meet someone with whom I have chemistry with, or maybe not. I certainly don't like awake worrying about it. 

And we haven't even discussed sex..I'm even worse in that situation.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> what I find really odd is those that jut keep the online stuff w/o really setting up to meet. Isn't the point to meet in person? Meet in person! Cause until that happens, you are having Wifi communication..


I can actually understand this because sometimes, fantasy is better than reality. Actually it is most times.


----------



## ne9907

I want my first kiss with someone new to be so ****ing amazing it will leave me breathless. If not, then no nookie.

Road trip to the beach!!!! Catch you all later!~


----------



## Freak On a Leash

What if the kiss is good but the rest of the person isn't? I mean, yeah...the kisses are GREAT but everything else leaves me totally cold. No physical attraction and no nookie. How many times can you just kiss? 

Plus he seems to expect EVERY time I see him. Sometimes I just want to say "Hi" and just keep it friendly. I hate expectations. Also, the guy is too old and obviously needy. 

Wouldn't it be great to be able to mix and match things on people?


----------



## vi_bride04

I plan on making out tonight


----------



## Jellybeans

Freak On a Leash said:


> What if the kiss is good but the rest of the person isn't? I mean, yeah...the kisses are GREAT but everything else leaves me totally cold. No physical attraction and no nookie.


Then no dice. Don't waste your time. Zero physical attraction to me translates to "Do Not Pass Go" in my book. I wouldn't keep going out with someone if I didn't want to get naked with them. I have friends already.



Freak On a Leash said:


> Also, the guy is too old and obviously needy.


Haha. How old is he, Freak? Who is this guy?



Freak On a Leash said:


> PWouldn't it be great to be able to mix and match things on people?


Oh you mean like building a man? Yeah, that would be dope. He'd have the face of Jason Momoa, the swagger of Michael Fassbender, the charisma of George Clooney, the intelligence/intellect of a nerd, and the bedroom skills of my best lover. Then he would go to his house afterward and I'd stay at mine. Until the next time, darling.


----------



## Another Planet

By for the night folks 
Maybe I'll check in later if I'm bored


----------



## Jellybeans

Have a blast. Seems like quite a few of you are going to be getting some sexy time on


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Have a blast. Seems like quite a few of you are going to be getting some sexy time on


You should join tinder


----------



## Nsweet

Has anyone else seen this horrible new Butterfinger peanut butter cup commercial?

It's a MC session with a peanut butter husband and the chocolate wife and this dumbass MC that brings in the butterfinger (OM) to please the wife. It's a commercial for candy that promotes cheating. 

Just in poor taste and triggers me every time.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Has anyone else seen this horrible new Butterfinger peanut butter cut commercial?
> 
> It's a MC session with a peanut butter husband and the chocolate wife and this dumbass MC that brings in the butterfinger (OM) to please the wife. It's a commercial for candy that promotes cheating.
> 
> Just in poor taste and triggers me every time.


Yes, its horrible


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Has anyone else seen this horrible new Butterfinger peanut butter cup commercial?
> 
> It's a MC session with a peanut butter husband and the chocolate wife and this dumbass MC that brings in the butterfinger (OM) to please the wife. It's a commercial for candy that promotes cheating.
> 
> Just in poor taste and triggers me every time.


That's one reason why I don't watch TV, just full of stupid mindless BS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Yo peeps.... ooo not cool bleacher is a sloppy kisser... so was SA and he was terrible in bed.... the future mr unsure is a very good kisser and tongue talented! Yea...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Yo peeps.... ooo not cool bleacher is a sloppy kisser... so was SA and he was terrible in bed.... the future mr unsure is a very good kisser and tongue talented! Yea...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It wasn't bad just not great but like I said might be cause of drinking. Maybe I'll find out again tonight...actually watching the Redwings game for once.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Well have fun Another!! Im kinda bored at home tonight with my kid... we are watching tangled..its not bad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l've also had a realization in this last few wks.
l still just have no real interest !

l know now l basically blocked Pocket Rocket , subconsciously told myself it's just gone flat and l don't know why but suddenly l'm just not into her anymore.
Because she had the works and more , she was everything l could hope to find after all this and normally l'd jump 20ft fences to get to her .
But l've realized l still just can't be fkd with women right now . It's happening with all of them .
l've been incredibly lucky with the type and quality of girls that have basically just been handed to me on a silver platter for the taking . You should see some of these girls , just honest , fun , great looking girls with so much to offer, more , BUT , l still just don't care , YET !

And now l'm seeing T , same . What a gift from the Gods , same as Pocket Rocket - totally different but just such a rare gem .
She's right into me , so fkg smart it's scary , she only wants it slow and part time'ish for the first for awhile first exactly the same as me and for all the same reasons . She's really cute and man she has this hair going on, mousey blonde down to her arse that would normally drive me insane . She's really down to earth , funny , l love the way she talks but - l just can't be fkd :scratchhead:

When she text or calls , Just like PR , l have to force myself to reply or answer. Often l just leave it or ring it out . Put it off or don't even bother getting back until the next day - sometime !

lt's like all the others , just great girls , anything l could hope for , but l just can't be fkd after a wk or two with any of them.

l'm starting to wonder if it will ever come back or , maybe it's still just too damn soon . Subconscious ex stuff, everything that's happened .
l need a Shrink , or maybe l just need more time .
But l do know l am sooooo lucky to have been just handed such rarities that would normally take years of limbo to find and only then if you got really really lucky , yet l have no interest .

l hope it comes back or l might be alone for a looonnnggg time !


----------



## 06Daddio08

You need IC.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Well have fun Another!! Im kinda bored at home tonight with my kid... we are watching tangled..its not bad
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you find that movie makes you think about sex too?

It's riddled with the S.E.X over and over like Disney always does. It' even on the cover written in hair wrapped around the guy.


----------



## whitehawk

And they all start saying things like -

How come you didn't get back to me ?
You don't seem to give a fk what happens ?
Am l bothering you ?
Do you wanna do this or that , how come you don't ?
l rang last night and you said you'd be home but you didn't answer , how come , do you want me to stop ringing or give you some space ?
Left you a string of text , what happened is your phone out?
Are you avoiding me ?

And it's all true , l really just don't care less right now . lt's fun for a few days or wks and then l just lose it .

Maybe it's just too soon , you think ?


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Do you find that movie makes you think about sex too?
> 
> It's riddled with the S.E.X over and over like Disney always does. It' even on the cover written in hair wrapped around the guy.


Uhh... no... just enjoying the movie. .. once you have kids nsweet not everything is about sex
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> You need IC.



You think huh ! Maybe l should . l mean l feel pretty together especially considering what l've been through , just no interest !


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Uhh... no... just enjoying the movie. .. once you have kids nsweet not everything is about sex
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yep, so true.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> And they all start saying things like -
> 
> How come you didn't get back to me ?
> You don't seem to give a fk what happens ?
> Am l bothering you ?
> Do you wanna do this or that , how come you don't ?
> l rang last night and you said you'd be home but you didn't answer , how come , do you want me to stop ringing or give you some space ?
> Left you a string of text , what happened is your phone out?
> Are you avoiding me ?
> 
> And it's all true , l really just don't care less right now .


So why not tell them? You are essentially fading them out which is RUDE. If you aren't feeling them, just tell them you do not want to date. Stop wasting their time.

I will put it to you this way: Say you are dating and into someone. And she starts with the hot/cold stuff with you. How does it make you feel/ Do you like when people treat you that way? If not, then don't treat others that way. Do unto others. They will respect you a LOT more plus you leave the door open to friendship or perhaps a sexy tryst down the line. The "silence/fade out" will just earn a "he's a d!ckhead" reputation for you. 

I will never understand why people lead others on. It's mean.

You haven't met anyone who's held your interest yet, which is fine. But stringing them along, while knowing full-well you aren't into it is not cool, Whitehawk.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> Then no dice. Don't waste your time. Zero physical attraction to me translates to "Do Not Pass Go" in my book. I wouldn't keep going out with someone if I didn't want to get naked with them. I have friends already.


:iagree: I don't mind having friends but that's all it will be and when they are continually bugging me to be more than I don't even want the friendship. It's annoying. 





> Haha. How old is he, Freak? Who is this guy?


A guy from one of the Meetup groups I frequent. Let's just say I'm the same age as his daughter.  He's actually in great shape but he's OLD and not my physical type. 




> Oh you mean like building a man? Yeah, that would be dope. He'd have the face of Jason Momoa, the swagger of Michael Fassbender, the charisma of George Clooney, the intelligence/intellect of a nerd, and the bedroom skills of my best lover. Then he would go to his house afterward and I'd stay at mine. Until the next time, darling.


:lol: :iagree: :smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Another Planet said:


> That's one reason why I don't watch TV, just full of stupid mindless BS.


I don't even have cable. I never watch TV. If I need to see something I go online.


----------



## Jellybeans

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: I don't mind having friends but that's all it will be and when they are continually bugging me to be more than I don't even want the friendship. It's annoying.


Right?! So true. It's like, hello, you are ruining your chances of me even wanting to break bread with you. Needy = very unattractive. 



Freak On a Leash said:


> A guy from one of the Meetup groups I frequent. Let's just say I'm the same age as his daughter.  He's actually in great shape but he's OLD and not my physical type.


:rofl: You have to say something to him. I have been on an older man kick, btw, Freak.  And it's really funny cause it seems a lot of you Single in TAM ladies are going younger. Ah well. 

Maybe you can join a meet up group with some young, handsome strapping men and find your next lovah.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Uhh... no... just enjoying the movie. .. once you have kids nsweet not everything is about sex
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's not even what I'm talking about. 

Disney and Pixar uses the world "SEX" in all of their animated movies through different mediums from smoke, fire, water, grass, even dust and hair. They also put adult subject material in places where it doesn't need to be.... Like the wh*res with jiggling breasts in Beauty And The Beast, and sexual hints in Aladdin, Tangled, and pretty much every movie. 



















They got in big trouble for putting a naked woman in The Rescuers.









This scene was said to be an accident leaving her underwear off in the four frames where Jessica Rabbit fell. Animator later had to go back and give her panties. 

Disney has been doing this for a long time too. I didn't think much of it until I had a cousin go freaking crazy and write sex in crayon all over her walls after watching nothing but Disney movies for weeks on end.


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## Ikaika

My opinion - as long as Disney is not being demeaning, I have less of an issue with sexual content than I do with violent content.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> Right?! So true. It's like, hello, you are ruining your chances of me even wanting to break bread with you. Needy = very unattractive.


:iagree: EXACTLY!! It doesn't happen right away. It takes time and I need to feel it for someone as a friend. But they always rush it and then I don't even want to be their bud. It's like a fly or mosquito buzzing around your head and you just want to swat it away..or kill it. 

I can't stand needy. If you want to lose my respect and look completely unattractive then start whining and begging at me. It's pathetic. 



> :rofl: You have to say something to him. I have been on an older man kick, btw, Freak.  And it's really funny cause it seems a lot of you Single in TAM ladies are going younger. Ah well.
> 
> Maybe you can join a meet up group with some young, handsome strapping men and find your next lovah.


I've said something to him. I've explained how I feel and how I operate. But then I do something stupid and make out with him after an event because, well..he kisses good! 

But then he starts again so now I just cut out contact. I ignored his last two texts and I think he got it because I haven't heard from him in a few days. When I see him I'll just play dumb if he says something. "Texts, what texts?". I was straight with him and he knows what I'm about so it's on him now. 

I don't go for guys who I feel the need to call "Grandpa". Unfortunately they seem to like me. Maybe I make them feel young. I also don't relate well to "older". My tastes in things I do, what I like, the way I dress and relate is "younger". I'm about the here and now and don't like living in the past. So I don't see what these guys see in me. Maybe they are more confident or have less to fear than someone my age or younger. :scratchhead:

Problem with younger dudes is that they usually have kids and baggage and I don't want THAT. I have to get into where my daughter is at (and she'd KILL me for sure! :rofl or just keeping on as I've been going on, which is fine. 

I'm thinking in a few years, when I move to a different area and undertake a different lifestyle thing may change. Right now I'm pretty much hanging with the same people, doing the same things so the odds of meeting someone without putting forth great effort or doing OLD are pretty slim. 

I comment but I don't complain. It's all good and I live vicariously through my crazy girlfriends.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> So why not tell them? You are essentially fading them out which is RUDE. If you aren't feeling them, just tell them you do not want to date. Stop wasting their time.
> 
> I will put it to you this way: Say you are dating and into someone. And she starts with the hot/cold stuff with you. How does it make you feel/ Do you like when people treat you that way? If not, then don't treat others that way. Do unto others. They will respect you a LOT more plus you leave the door open to friendship or perhaps a sexy tryst down the line. The "silence/fade out" will just earn a "he's a d!ckhead" reputation for you.
> 
> I will never understand why people lead others on. It's mean.
> 
> You haven't met anyone who's held your interest yet, which is fine. But stringing them along, while knowing full-well you aren't into it is not cool, Whitehawk.



Thanks JB yep , l need a 2x4.
I'm only seeing T now though , have ended the others once l knew.

Now l've gone flat on T , thinking l must be mad especially after passing up PR. T is just everything you could ever hope for, more.
But , if it doesn't come back soon yeah , l'll have to do the deed there to l guess 

Jump back on the fence for awhile maybe! .


----------



## Nsweet

And that's how they get to you. Disney not only trick little children into thinking about sex and messes up their child stars for life. They also own several hard core rap and metal record, the bought the rights to Danzig a while back, a few rights to soft core porn companies, and let's not forget about how they their downplay child abductions and rapes that happen on the property of their amusement parks and cruises. 

Oh yes, they pretty much are their own city and make is you wave all your rights by buying a ticket and entering the park. Fun place to be, but you do not want to go to their little park jail or let your children escape from you.... Or your wife for that matter. You can even check the child predator and sex offender maps and see how they freakin surround that place. You'd think with all the security cameras and secret staff that they would catch theses guys. I mean there is a freakin camera watching people leave the park, but almost no one is prosecuted publicly.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

What about Mulan? She kicked butt! :smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Jellybeans said:


> So why not tell them? You are essentially fading them out which is RUDE. If you aren't feeling them, just tell them you do not want to date. Stop wasting their time.
> 
> I will put it to you this way: Say you are dating and into someone. And she starts with the hot/cold stuff with you. How does it make you feel/ Do you like when people treat you that way? If not, then don't treat others that way. Do unto others. They will respect you a LOT more plus you leave the door open to friendship or perhaps a sexy tryst down the line. The "silence/fade out" will just earn a "he's a d!ckhead" reputation for you.
> 
> I will never understand why people lead others on. It's mean.
> 
> You haven't met anyone who's held your interest yet, which is fine. But stringing them along, while knowing full-well you aren't into it is not cool, Whitehawk.


:iagree: I agree with this. When I figured out after 2 dates that I wasn't at all interested in this dude I told him so right off. Told him that he was a nice guy and thanked him for a good time and his being a gentleman but we didn't have anything in common and I didn't want to lead him on. 

That's how I like to be..straightforward and honest. That's how I want it done for me. I've had to "Friend Zone" quite a few and I just do it. If they don't get it through their thick skulls AFTER I tell them then it's on them.


----------



## Nsweet

Freak On a Leash said:


> What about Mulan? She kicked butt! :smthumbup:


Mulan tried to cutsie up the real story (Mulan dies in battle), but they didn't exactly show what she went through. It's more of that Disney girl power crap and less about being an oppressed sexual servant all your life or die in battle. 

Oh and....:rofl:
Mulan - I'll Make A Man Out Of You - YouTube

I can make you a man - YouTube


----------



## whitehawk

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: I don't mind having friends but that's all it will be and when they are continually bugging me to be more than I don't even want the friendship. It's annoying.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah l know this is a similar part of my problem too.
> They all seem to want answers and to rev things up before you even know what you have.
> lt's very fkg irritating , drives me nuts in fact . And the thing is , answers take time , you've gotta just see what it's got first but no one at my end seem to get that right now and the pressure starts .
> One thing l do know is as soon as any pressure starts l'm turned right off .


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Wow, you really don't like Disney, eh? I've never been into those Disney Princess Stories myself. It was always about catching/depending on/being saved by a man. My daughter loved all that as a little girl and I let her dress up in the costumes at Halloween and watch all the movies but would often discuss that aspect with her as she got older. 

She also liked "Barney" but grew out of that as well. 

Fortunately she got into cool stuff like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and is totally into Game of Thrones and no one would look at her and think she needs to be saved. She's a chip off the ol' block if I do say so myself! :smthumbup:

My son plays video games where he kills things and writes violent fantasy/war stories but you'll never find a kinder, gentler soul. I think in the end what the kids are exposed to means little. It's how you raise them and the values that are instilled in them as they grow that counts.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I prefer to meet people in person, to Freak. It is a sign of the times,t his online dating thing, but what I find really odd is those that jut keep the online stuff w/o really setting up to meet. Isn't the point to meet in person? Meet in person! Cause until that happens, you are having Wifi communication. Doesn't mean anything til you can sort out the connection/chemistry in person. I guess I am old-fashioned.


I've had purely online relationships in the past. They're more like interactive fantasy than like actual relationships. The motivation to give in to them is usually based in escapism rather than a genuine desire for companionship. It's intense, like an affair (an EA), but doesn't have the same risks or consequences because you don't expose yourself to actual disease or cheating, because you have to make very few changes to your life (since you're only importing an object or experience for a limited part of your life), and you get an overload of intimacy which is heightened by your own imagination and desire (it fills in the blanks). Nothing like the real thing, but I can understand its appeal. It feeds the craving that is directly antithetical to the ONS. Nowadays, I want the physical satisfaction and not much of the intimacy or romance, so I'm seeking a different kind of escapist connection. A real relationship is a mixture of those things, in my opinion; it's a bond in which both people are open to change and growth, in which both people expect to integrate that bond into some kind of life, in which people are motivated by a desire for companionship, as well as sex and intimacy.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Has anyone else seen this horrible new Butterfinger peanut butter cup commercial?
> 
> It's a MC session with a peanut butter husband and the chocolate wife and this dumbass MC that brings in the butterfinger (OM) to please the wife. It's a commercial for candy that promotes cheating.
> 
> Just in poor taste and triggers me every time.


Yes. It annoys me, too!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l know this is a similar part of my problem too.
> They all seem to want answers and to rev things up before you even know what you have.
> lt's very fkg irritating , drives me nuts in fact . And the thing is , answers take time , you've gotta just see what it's got first but no one at my end seem to get that right now and the pressure starts .
> One thing l do know is as soon as any pressure starts l'm turned right off .


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: I am so down with this!! Totally. If they would just sit back and give it time and you space then it would work out. 

And there is anything LESS attractive then to have someone bothering, begging and bugging you? You are supposed to be turned on by this? :wtf: :scratchhead:


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> And they all start saying things like -
> 
> How come you didn't get back to me ?
> You don't seem to give a fk what happens ?
> Am l bothering you ?
> Do you wanna do this or that , how come you don't ?
> l rang last night and you said you'd be home but you didn't answer , how come , do you want me to stop ringing or give you some space ?
> Left you a string of text , what happened is your phone out?
> Are you avoiding me ?
> 
> And it's all true , l really just don't care less right now . lt's fun for a few days or wks and then l just lose it .
> 
> Maybe it's just too soon , you think ?


Maybe, deep down inside, you're averse to the risk of making an effort and having it fail to deliver anything. 

I think that you should push past the "can't be bothered" attitude and just try to make an effort with whoever really catches your attention. If you aren't open to the possibility of a good experience, you won't have one. That apathy can easily lead you toward depression, by the way. I let that happen for years.

Even if you can't be bothered, be bothered....emotional stamina needs time to build up, too, just like physical stamina.


----------



## Nsweet

Freak On a Leash said:


> Wow, you really don't like Disney, eh? I've never been into those Disney Princess Stories myself. It was always about catching/depending on/being saved by a man. My daughter loved all that as a little girl and I let her dress up in the costumes at Halloween and watch all the movies but would often discuss that aspect with her as she got older.
> 
> She also liked "Barney" but grew out of that as well.
> 
> Fortunately she got into cool stuff like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and is totally into Game of Thrones and no one would look at her and think she needs to be saved. She's a chip off the ol' block if I do say so myself! :smthumbup:
> 
> My son plays video games where he kills things and writes violent fantasy/war stories but you'll never find a kinder, gentler soul. I think in the end what the kids are exposed to means little. It's how you raise them and the values that are instilled in them as they grow that counts.


I like Disney, the original works and much of what Pixar has come out with. I don't like what Disney has become or the Disney channel at all.... It sells sex to kids and teaches them to disrespect parental figures and authority with their teen "comedy" shows. 

Oddly enough I love their kiddie movies with inappropriate sexual innuendo and all. It's like an Easter egg hunt in every movie with a couple jokes that only older children and adults will get. And their supporting of gay rights was a big plus for me in my book. But when it comes to letting young children watch these movies I feel like every one needs to have some explanation.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet, I think all cultural experience is more meaningful with analysis and discussion. We should discuss things, more, as a society and not be so put off by analysis. Of course, I value deep thought and reelection -- even over trivial matters -- and, I know that not everyone does.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> I like Disney, the original works and much of what Pixar has come out with. I don't like what Disney has become or the Disney channel at all.... It sells sex to kids and teaches them to disrespect parental figures and authority with their teen "comedy" shows.
> 
> Oddly enough I love their kiddie movies with inappropriate sexual innuendo and all. It's like an Easter egg hunt in every movie with a couple jokes that only older children and adults will get. And their supporting of gay rights was a big plus for me in my book. But when it comes to letting young children watch these movies I feel like every one needs to have some explanation.


When my kids were younger the Disney Channel was pretty good and I used to watch all the shows with them. I was big on watching TV with the kids and often made use of the opportunity to introduce and discuss social issues with them as a result of what we saw on TV. 

Things like homosexuality, prejudice, feminism, political viewpoints were all discussed while watching something that was brought up on TV. You wouldn't think you could find something to discuss while watching _Wife Swap_ but you'd be surprised. 

I don't tend to lecture my kids and have formalized discussions. I wait for an opportunity in a setting that I find appropriate, fun and/or meaningful and bring it up sideways. It's worked very well. 

The newer movies aren't bad, especially the Pixar stuff. Now that the kids are older we've moved beyond Disney. Geesh, the kids watch _Game of Thrones_ and _The Walking Dead_ now!


----------



## Nsweet

I'm waiting for a walking dead episode where the dead get represented by a lawyer for zombie rights and they're allowed to go to our schools and bite people so long as it's practiced as religious freedom and not cannibalism or murder. 

I was actually thinking about this stuff last night. Can you imagine a half dead zombie lawyer? Anytime anyone mentions a law suit... a zombie hand and arm poke through a door sealed with chain and a pad lock as he shouts "Money money money!" instead of "Brains!".


----------



## whitehawk

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: I am so down with this!! Totally. If they would just sit back and give it time and you space then it would work out.
> 
> And there is anything LESS attractive then to have someone bothering, begging and bugging you? You are supposed to be turned on by this? :wtf: :scratchhead:





Yeah exactly Freak , hearing my own head here .
Weird thing is , l've specifically steered clear of anyone that seems like they'll wanna move too fast and anyone l've been seeing have all stressed themselves they just wanna take things slow.
I think a wk must be considered slow these days :scratchhead: 

l'm sure that's what's pushing me away before it even has a chance.


----------



## whitehawk

T said to me , twice last wk , l sooo wanna just jump in boots and all with you , it's getting hard . But look if l'm not what your looking for just tell me , don't pull any punches l just wanna know soon .

Fk me it's only been 2wks , she's exactly what l'm looking for so far but how the fk can l know any more than that for sure in just wks ?


----------



## vi_bride04

Bathroom break...yup def gonna make out tonight  we are going dancing so I know he won't be able to resist


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Bathroom break...yup def gonna make out tonight  we are going dancing so I know he won't be able to resist


Look him in the eyes and the lips slowly and repeatedly. It never fails to make them kiss you, but you have to use it at the right time. Sometime after you've broken the ice and their defenses, touched them and danced a little, and right around the time when your outside talking to each other and running out of things to say. 

- Your welcome.


Oh, you can also get a kiss very easily on the dance floor but it just seems kinda trashy to do so. It's better to take it outside just in case your Mr. Perfect is also there that night.

Also when in doubt just hug. It may seem a little old fashioned but often times it's all it takes is a drunken hug in the middle of the night to lead into a make out session and some really great sex.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sex on the second date is the last thing she should do.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Look him in the eyes and the lips slowly and repeatedly. It never fails to make them kiss you, but you have to use it at the right time. Sometime after you've broken the ice and their defenses, touched them and danced a little, and right around the time when your outside talking to each other and running out of things to say.
> 
> - Your welcome.
> 
> 
> Oh, you can also get a kiss very easily on the dance floor but it just seems kinda trashy to do so. It's better to take it outside just in case your Mr. Perfect is also there that night.
> 
> Also when in doubt just hug. It may seem a little old fashioned but often times it's all it takes is a drunken hug in the middle of the night to lead into a make out session and some really great sex.


Nsweet, you don't have to tell me how to get a guy, I know all too well 







06Daddio08 said:


> Sex on the second date is the last thing she should do.


I do agree, I like this one, completely different from past dating experiences


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Nsweet, you don't have to tell me how to get a guy, I know all too well


Then go on girl. Go get you some.:smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> I do agree, I like this one, completely different from past dating experiences


Exactly. There is no need to gain your self worth by sleeping with him so soon. No validation required. No reason to "please" him with sex.

Sex comes easy for you, nothing wrong with that. It's the other areas that you're trying to get in touch with and expand on.

Have a great time, but remember WWCD.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

whitehawk said:


> Yeah exactly Freak , hearing my own head here .
> Weird thing is , l've specifically steered clear of anyone that seems like they'll wanna move too fast and anyone l've been seeing have all stressed themselves they just wanna take things slow.
> I think a wk must be considered slow these days :scratchhead:
> 
> l'm sure that's what's pushing me away before it even has a chance.


I know..it seems the rest of the world is on a different timetable then I am too. Things have changed a LOT in 30 years. :rofl:

But I don't worry about other people. I have my own timetable and ideas about what is comfortable and good for ME. I set the rules and lay it out. If someone can't deal with that then it's fine. 

So if you come on too strong, too soon then I cut it off. End of story. I have no problems with that. I'm not looking to be with anyone so it's not a problem for me. It's all good.


----------



## RandomDude

drerio said:


> My opinion - as long as Disney is not being demeaning, I have less of an issue with sexual content than I do with violent content.


:scratchhead:

My little girl is exposed to alot of violence in media, just not the ones that would give her nightmares and keep me up all bloody night :banghead:

Yet she's the sweetest child 
And quite frankly I would prefer if she beat up little boys rather than kissing them -.- Bah!


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Have a great time, but remember WWCD.


What would who do? What does the C stand for?


----------



## Freak On a Leash

whitehawk said:


> T said to me , twice last wk , l sooo wanna just jump in boots and all with you , it's getting hard . But look if l'm not what your looking for just tell me , don't pull any punches l just wanna know soon .
> 
> Fk me it's only been 2wks , she's exactly what l'm looking for so far but how the fk can l know any more than that for sure in just wks ?


2 weeks...:slap: That kind of talk would have me running for the hills. Even if I liked the person I'd be thinking "Uh oh.."

How much in those 2 weeks did you even see this person?

I had a guy go on ONE date with me and tell me he was having " *Insert my name here* withdrawal". I showed it to my daughter and we fell on the floor laughing. :rofl: You text that to someone after ONE date? He was saying things like "We're going to get along fine" and making all sorts of plans..On the FIRST DATE? 

He proceeded to text me at least once EVERY DAY until our second date. Even after I told him that I was working, too busy to answer, etc and ignored some of the texts. 

I gave him another shot because I really wanted to do what we planned to do for the second date and I figured "What the heck"..but it got worse, not better. By the end of the 2nd date I made up my mind there wouldn't be a 3rd. So when he asked me out again I texted him and basically said "Nice knowin' ya but we got nothing in common". Fortunately he took it well and I never heard from him again.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> I'm waiting for a walking dead episode where the dead get represented by a lawyer for zombie rights and they're allowed to go to our schools and bite people so long as it's practiced as religious freedom and not cannibalism or murder.
> 
> I was actually thinking about this stuff last night. Can you imagine a half dead zombie lawyer? Anytime anyone mentions a law suit... a zombie hand and arm poke through a door sealed with chain and a pad lock as he shouts "Money money money!" instead of "Brains!".


:lol: :rofl: That's good! Speaking of the Undead, I'm playing one right now in World of Warcraft. Undead Mage. Fun! :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

Freak On a Leash said:


> :lol: :rofl: That's good! Speaking of the Undead, I'm playing one right now in World of Warcraft. Undead Mage. Fun! :smthumbup:


Speaking of zombie games. Have you ever played Left 4 Dead or Left 4 Dead 2? 

Super fun games. Not at all scary, but sorta cartoonie and creepy and very much like The Walking Dead. It's you and three other players fighting off the cell shaded zombies as you make your way to 3 safe house and a final arena where you're rescued. 

The best part is you get these pipe bomb that attract the zombies and then explode in a green mist. And if you play online or against a friend you can play as the zombies and attack the humans. The second one also has all these cool melee weapons that let you wail on zombies with everything from frying pans, to an electric guitar, to baseball bats, and even a chainsaw and a katana.


----------



## Ikaika

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> 
> My little girl is exposed to alot of violence in media, just not the ones that would give her nightmares and keep me up all bloody night :banghead:
> 
> 
> 
> Yet she's the sweetest child
> 
> And quite frankly I would prefer if she beat up little boys rather than kissing them -.- Bah!



Each to his own, we all have our own issues in life. For me personally I think we have become to accepting of violence. I just have a harder time explaining violence and cringe at what I see in movies but have no issue explaining what sex is to my sons. Granted I don't want them fathering a child before they can afford to emotionally and financially support the child. 

I would not have an issue with my sons defending themselves but don't want them beating someone up. I guess it is just me. Too bad they don't portray death accurately in movies, maybe we have more sensitivity to it. Again, just my opinion.


----------



## RandomDude

You don't have a daughter, for me I'm very protective and I was rather annoyed a while back when I found out she was kissing boys - which thankfully she's stopped. The youth culture is all about sex and drugs in the modern era and violence is to a much lesser degree unless one is anti-social.

So yeah, I still want her to beat up little boys instead of kissing them! Will save me beating them up myself! She's still very young but I don't want her to grow up to be as insatiable as her mother.


----------



## Ikaika

RandomDude said:


> You don't have a daughter, for me I'm very protective and I was rather annoyed a while back when I found out she was kissing boys - which thankfully she's stopped. The youth culture is all about sex and drugs in the modern era and violence is to a much lesser degree unless one is anti-social.
> 
> 
> 
> So yeah, I still want her to beat up little boys instead of kissing them! Will save me beating them up myself! She's still very young but I don't want her to grow up to be as insatiable as her mother.



Each to his own, you don't have a mentally disabled son who cannot decipher the voices in his head from those he hears with his ears. I can respect and appreciate your opinion, I just don't share it.


----------



## ne9907

**** yeah to my by new life!!!

This was suppose to show a pic.. 

Trying again


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> Speaking of zombie games. Have you ever played Left 4 Dead or Left 4 Dead 2?


Nope, but my son has. He plays them all. I just play WoW. It's what I know and like and I don't have time for much else.



Nsweet said:


> The best part is you get these pipe bomb that attract the zombies and then explode in a green mist. And if you play online or against a friend you can play as the zombies and attack the humans. The second one also has all these cool melee weapons that let you wail on zombies with everything from frying pans, to an electric guitar, to baseball bats, and even a chainsaw and a katana.


That reminds me of a quest I just did in WoW. I gathered the parts and was turned into an Abomination (basically a huge, ugly zombie) and then I went to this village and attracted all these giants called Vrykul and detonated myself. Blew 'em all up. Quite satisfying.  

I'm the Zombie, killing the Humans. When I play my Human I get to do it to them. I liked it when there was the plague going on and I got to run around on my Paladin and "de zombify" all the zombies.


----------



## RandomDude

drerio said:


> Each to his own, you don't have a mentally disabled son who cannot decipher the voices in his head from those he hears with his ears. I can respect and appreciate your opinion, I just don't share it.


Fair enough



Freak On a Leash said:


> Nope, but my son has. He plays them all. I just play WoW. It's what I know and like and I don't have time for much else.


You play WoW yet not much time for much else? WoW eats up tons of time as a MMORPG no? lol

Hence why I like single player RPGs, especially Bioware
I can play, save, forget, play at any time I want, no responsibilities, no obligations


----------



## Nsweet

I'm watching a zombie file right now.... Flight of the Living Dead

It's terrible and I would much rather be having sex.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

RandomDude said:


> You play WoW yet not much time for much else? WoW eats up tons of time as a MMORPG no? lol
> 
> Hence why I like single player RPGs, especially Bioware
> I can play, save, forget, play at any time I want, no responsibilities, no obligations


I basically play WoW has a single player these days. I solo play and do just questing, so no..it doesn't take up much time at all. A few hours here and there to relax and unwind and I enjoy it. You aren't required to play it a lot.

Blizzard has figured out that many of their players want to be "casual" players so they've tailored the game quite nicely for those of us who actually have a "life".  You can take out of it what you want and ignore the rest and still have fun. 

I really like the storyline. I've read all the books and I find it interesting. I've been playing since January, 2006 so I've been doing it for a long while. My kids and ex husband got me into it. Once we all played as a family but now I'm the only one left who plays regularly, and that's maybe 2-3 nights/week. Once the nice weather comes it will be less. 

I used to belong to a guild and do raiding and all that but I stopped doing that years ago. I remember when me, my ex husband and my daughter would get up at 7am on Sundays to go raiding with our guild and we would raid during the week too. It can get obsessive and eat up tons of time if you let it. At one time, it did affect my life in a negative way so I dialed it back. 

It was one of the things my ex and I shared and then he got "bored" (as he did with everything we did together) and quit and expected me to do the same. Ironically, WoW is still here and he's not. :rofl:

My son plays Bioware and all the single player stuff. He's told me I should try playing a single player. A lot of them seem awfully "dark". I like Warcraft because it's got a good story and reminds me of Tolkien. I'm a real Tolkien nut too. 

I'm doing it a lot this weekend because last weekend I was skiing and busy and it's raining this weekend and I need to stop spending so much money going out. Next expansion for WoW looks really cool so I'm keepin' on with it. At $16/month it's one of my cheaper hobbies.


----------



## vi_bride04

Omg he's such a good kisser....omg


----------



## Nsweet

Did I tell you guys about the saddest thing I saw on the train the other day?

I saw this hot black chick wearing this cute outfit... And she had on these nerd glasses with no damn frames. I looked at her like WTF? They have special ed students in fashion school now? Not the saddest thing I saw that day.

Then I saw this girl on the sit down clutching a teddy bear for dear life. Looked like she was 14 or 15...... RAZOR BLADE MARKS ALL OVER HER LEFT ARM. So right away I knew she was right handed. Still not the saddest thing I saw that day. She was real cute and curvy, but HUH UH!

The saddest thing I ever saw was this 40 guy in a Hawaiian shirt trying to hit on this 20yo very narcissistic woman. I mean he had the whole loser goatee and mustache combo complete with the beer belly. And this girl.... Pink and purple eye shadow, there with her aunt, both of them touching themselves and sorta preening like birds. And they were both talking like smart parrots that someone taught how to speak, but every time they would talk to him they would say the same things that sounded like questions. "Like I know", "Yeah, umm.....", "pretty girl, pretty girl":rofl: 

In case you didn't picture it, they both kinda looked like Snookie but without the orange tan or big hair... Makeup was about that bad or worse. Maybe more like J-wow without the implants. 

Guy had no game either, so it was kinda painful to watch and just funny as all hell. Like I'm pretty sure this young woman doesn't wasn't to hear about your do nothing military career or your ambulance driver horror stories, and everybody these days has a smart phone so there's nothing special there. I was trying my hardest not to laugh at him, and when he followed them off the train and still kept trying I damn near lost it. 

This kinda stuff I see all the time just people watching in bars and clubs. You can always tell who's going to get lucky and who's going to get frustrated. And with very very narcissistic and full of themself girls you can't go hit on them like every other jerk. You actually do better talking to them like you're not even interested. You don't have to make fun of them or put them down, you just have to care less about how pretty they are more than anyone else. Talk to them like you would every other woman. Every other woman that's not an issue, they don't need to hear you compliments but that doesn't mean they wouldn't like it. I mean she did spend forever picking that outfit out and getting ready.


----------



## RandomDude

Freak On a Leash said:


> My son plays Bioware and all the single player stuff. He's told me I should try playing a single player. A lot of them seem awfully "dark". I like Warcraft because it's got a good story and reminds me of Tolkien. I'm a real Tolkien nut too.


!!! Bioware is the king of stories !!! It beats Warcraft IMO

Try these:

Jade Empire
Mass Effect Series
KOTOR 1

Dragon Age is a darker story but is still full of light-hearted moments (as with all of Bioware's games), tons of humor too! Besides isn't Tolkien's stories dark too?  

If you like immersion and free-roaming however, try Bethesda: there's always Skyrim / Oblivion / FO3/NV series - which are like MMORPGs in a way as they have unlimited content - mods

I got my ex into these games back in the day, she was really good at Dragon Age for some reason - even taught me how to play/build super characters. She liked her little toons.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

:lol: You and my son would get along great. I recognize some of those titles from stuff he's suggested to me. I'll have to run it by him. Maybe in the fall I'll figure it out. 

Now it's getting nice out so I'm hardly home.


----------



## moxy

Is ******* basically the same thing as Tindr? A friend of mine was talking about it, but I didn't feel like asking, then.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Did I tell you guys about the saddest thing I saw on the train the other day?
> 
> You don't have to make fun of them or put them down, you just have to care less about how pretty they are more than anyone else. Talk to them like you would every other woman. Every other woman that's not an issue, they don't need to hear you compliments but that doesn't mean they wouldn't like it. I mean she did spend forever picking that outfit out and getting ready.



So you do care and show it about how pretty they are more than anyone else and what they're waring and compliment them , but you treat them just like anyone else at the same time ?
ls that what your saying ?

Just wondering :scratchhead: And nope l don't ride trains and just shaved my goatee yesterday , hmm, only the 3 day growth style


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Omg he's such a good kisser....omg




Don't tell me your typing TAM- kissing :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Lol VI give us the rest of the date update!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Omg! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## struggle

RandomDude said:


> !!! Bioware is the king of stories !!! It beats Warcraft IMO
> 
> Try these:
> 
> Jade Empire
> Mass Effect Series
> KOTOR 1
> 
> Dragon Age is a darker story but is still full of light-hearted moments (as with all of Bioware's games), tons of humor too! Besides isn't Tolkien's stories dark too?
> 
> If you like immersion and free-roaming however, try Bethesda: there's always Skyrim / Oblivion / FO3/NV series - which are like MMORPGs in a way as they have unlimited content - mods
> 
> I got my ex into these games back in the day, she was really good at Dragon Age for some reason - even taught me how to play/build super characters. She liked her little toons.


I am slightly obsessed with Dragon Age lol. My favorite character build so far has been a rogue. Practically no one could hit her towards the end...she was tough in the beginning.

I like MMORPGs but they take up a LOT of time. So I just try and stay away lol. My parents are top level PvPs in Star Wars. It looks fun but I'm just like noooooo....don't start 

I was told by a fellow rpg-er that Mass Effect is awesome, I haven't started it yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Update Another..wtf? Dont just leave us hanging with OMG
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Update Another..wtf? Dont just leave us hanging with OMG
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well...kissing is now x4000% better, knocks it out of the park. Really really awesome 
BUT no joke that was probably the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life ROFL, and the weird thing is I am so totally cool with it lol. Shes pretty awesome
That was a fun night


----------



## unsure78

Ummm ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

what the....?
good kissing but bad sex and you're ok with it? 
did she put something in your drink?


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Well...kissing is now x4000% better, knocks it out of the park. Really really awesome
> BUT no joke that was probably the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life ROFL, and the weird thing is I am so totally cool with it lol. Shes pretty awesome
> That was a fun night


It's not unusual for the first couple of sexual experiences between new partners to be awkward and awful. The improved kissing us an indicator that sex will improve, too. And, you seem to like her, which gives you a framework in which to evaluate the romantic stuff. Next time will be better because it's not as new. And then, again. Well, hopefully, anyway.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Well...kissing is now x4000% better, knocks it out of the park. Really really awesome
> BUT no joke that was probably the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life ROFL, and the weird thing is I am so totally cool with it lol. Shes pretty awesome
> That was a fun night


Sounds like someone is ...dare I say the word??.... in love!!


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Sounds like someone is ...dare I say the word??.... in love!!


I hope he is not in love... what has it been like a week for them... shouldn't give your heart to someone till you know them better...you only see the real person over time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> I hope he is not in love... what has it been like a week for them... shouldn't give your heart to someone till you know them better...you only see the real person over time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope I'm not. That's crazy!...
I don't know though, everything has been so easy it's really weird.


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> what the....?
> good kissing but bad sex and you're ok with it?
> did she put something in your drink?


Yeah I think she did 



moxy said:


> It's not unusual for the first couple of sexual experiences between new partners to be awkward and awful. The improved kissing us an indicator that sex will improve, too. And, you *seem to like her*, which gives you a framework in which to evaluate the romantic stuff. Next time will be better because it's not as new. And then, again. Well, hopefully, anyway.


Yeah I like her.
I really don't know how to explain it. Maybe just cause it wasn't mind blowing but honestly we were pretty partied out.
Strangely sex honestly isn't a big deal to me now. It is more funny to me then anything. Definitely not a deal breaker 



ne9907 said:


> Sounds like someone is ...dare I say the word??.... in love!!


Again that's just weird to think about. 
BUT yes if we had just started talking like 2 weeks ago it would be totally different but that's not the case we've been talking forever as you guys already know...we already know each other for the most part.


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> So you do care and show it about how pretty they are more than anyone else and what they're waring and compliment them , but you treat them just like anyone else at the same time ?
> ls that what your saying ?
> 
> Just wondering :scratchhead: And nope l don't ride trains and just shaved my goatee yesterday , hmm, only the 3 day growth style


I don't really care for looks, I mean just look at my ex wife. 

I'm saying you treat her like a person, then a friend, then a princess for a while, and then a friend again. Don't start off thinking about sex with her, just get to know her first.


----------



## Nsweet

struggle said:


> I am slightly obsessed with Dragon Age lol. My favorite character build so far has been a rogue. Practically no one could hit her towards the end...she was tough in the beginning.
> 
> I like MMORPGs but they take up a LOT of time. So I just try and stay away lol. My parents are top level PvPs in Star Wars. It looks fun but I'm just like noooooo....don't start
> 
> I was told by a fellow rpg-er that Mass Effect is awesome, I haven't started it yet
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dragon Age was an awesome game!:smthumbup:

The first one I beat in like a couple weeks playing as a rogue with a big ass enchanted sword with ice and electricity runes.

I had a warrior for close combat, I used my rogue tricks to sneak up on enemies and take out the strongest ones first, a dwarf with a cross bow for range attacks, and I had very powerful witch perform walking bomb and heal any of us. But the witch was the weakest character so I always had to keep an eye on her and heal her more often. 

Sometimes would switch out the dwarf and the warrior for an elf with a bow and arrows and a viscous dog, but after the elf betrayed me and left so I started using the dwarf more. And I started using the dog less and a female warrior more for her defensive fight skills. 

Dragon Age 2 on the other hand plain out sucked! You can't use as many weapons for other classes, and the story goes no where for so long that through a lot of it it's just really boring. There are also a lot of place that will have you stuck between the autosave and the story. You might have no choice but to fight you way out of a room with a lot of tough guys where they kill all your players but you and 2 of them can knock you out. Then if you start over you're screwed because the game won't let you go back to another city to upgrade your weapons and armor.


----------



## joe kidd

DAo was awesome. The second one was crap.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Update Another..wtf? Dont just leave us hanging with OMG
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well l'm glad it wasn't only me then , l thought it must've been in AP/NS code or something :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Watching the movie hurculeas on the disney channel with the munchkin...nothing else really going on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

That is a good movie. I like the training montage with pan.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> That is a good movie. I like the training montage with pan.


I was waiting for you to tell me the sex in it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

After the beach yesterday, I have been on recovery mode but cant sleep. Now, anxiously waiting for the Walking Dead season finale...

Yesterday was sooooo much fun!!!!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

struggle said:


> I am slightly obsessed with Dragon Age lol. My favorite character build so far has been a rogue. Practically no one could hit her towards the end...she was tough in the beginning.
> 
> I like MMORPGs but they take up a LOT of time. So I just try and stay away lol. My parents are top level PvPs in Star Wars. It looks fun but I'm just like noooooo....don't start
> 
> I was told by a fellow rpg-er that Mass Effect is awesome, I haven't started it yet


I KNOW my son has played all these games..definitely Mass Effect, Left for Dead, etc. All the Call of Duty stuff, StarCraft...If there's a game out there, he's played it. I'm going to have to pick his brains more because he's ALWAYS trying to get me to play a new single-player game so I should be more open minded. 

I think my ex played Dragon Age and of course, like everything else, he picked it apart and said he didn't like it and quit. But he does that with everything so I take it with a grain of salt. 

It's funny how you get attached to toons. I'm love my toons in WoW. One even looks like me.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I was waiting for you to tell me the sex in it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No thanks. I prefer my Disney subliminal ex messages to involve women with shaved underarms and curvy figures. Like that bootilicious Pocahontas, the gypsy from Hunchback, that hour glass shaped Jasmine, or top heavy Jessica Rabbit. 

Wait a minute. 2 out of 3 of those singers on the jug from the beginning of that movie are pretty hot. Ok, yeah!:smthumbup: 
And I guess Megara isn't too bad. Too skinny for me though.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> After the beach yesterday, I have been on recovery mode but cant sleep. Now, anxiously waiting for the Walking Dead season finale...
> 
> Yesterday was sooooo much fun!!!!


Fun drunk or fun sex?

Or fun drunken sex?


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Ok I gotta rant: :rant:

I went out with a bunch of friends today for a birthday brunch. It was ok. The food could've been better but I'm not big on buffets anyway. Point is, my friends are OBSESSED with their cameras. Every 2 seconds they are pulling out their phones and cameras and taking pics. If they aren't taking pics they are looking at them, discussing them, going on Facebook and looking at MORE pics. It's hard to even have a conversation in the HERE and NOW. :slap: 

I can't even eat my food without someone taking a picture of me doing it or finish a conversation (or start one) or swallow what I'm eating without someone holding up a camera to snap a picture or ordering everyone to get together and take a picture. It's friggin' annoying! 

Ok..rant over. :rant:

Anyone else feel this way or is it just me? :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

And that's why I don't facebook or talk to people obsessed with facebook. It's no longer a social media site, it's a cult full of self obsessed idiots looking for their narcissistic supply and 15 seconds of fame with people they will never meet in person. 

What's that sound? Oh, it's the sound of no one caring about your ugly baby pics or whatever useless crap you keep taking pictures of a shoving in our faces.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Fun drunk or fun sex?
> 
> Or fun drunken sex?


No sex involved, no drunkenness. 
Just fun! I posted a picture.

I felt free.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> And that's why I don't facebook or talk to people obsessed with facebook. It's no longer a social media site, it's a cult full of self obsessed idiots looking for their narcissistic supply and 15 seconds of fame with people they will never meet in person.
> 
> What's that sound? Oh, it's the sound of no one caring about your ugly baby pics or whatever useless crap you keep taking pictures of a shoving in our faces.



:iagree: :lol: :rofl: That pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. :smthumbup:

I never had Facebook. My friends said "We're on Facebook, come on and join us." So I did. Waste of time! Plus the drama and all the crap. I have better things to do with my time. I never friended people who weren't my friends but I found it hurt our friendship in the end. I prefer not to get that "personal" with people I socialize with in any case. 

I think it's fine if you have actual friends and family that you want to keep in touch with, especially long distance. It serves a great purpose there. But to sit and obsess over it? No thanks. And really, when you out with your actual friends, IN PERSON, WHY are you getting on FACEBOOK? :wtf: 

But the picture taking is so irritating. What's ironic is that I tell my college aged daughter this stuff and she laughs and says that she rarely goes on Facebook and don't take a lot of pictures. My 16 year old son doesn't even have a Facebook account.

Everyone thinks the younger crowd is obsessed with this crap but it's actually the older folks. But of course I think my friends are stuck in the high school mentality with their cliques and mindset. It's totally bizarre.


----------



## struggle

Freak On a Leash said:


> I can't even eat my food without someone taking a picture of me doing it or finish a conversation (or start one) or swallow what I'm eating without someone holding up a camera to snap a picture or ordering everyone to get together and take a picture. It's friggin' annoying!
> 
> Ok..rant over. :rant:
> 
> Anyone else feel this way or is it just me? :scratchhead:


"Selfie" by The Chainsmokers anyone?? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I find FB very informative, said no one ever but me. Seriously, I found so much useful information on FB regarding ex. THis information helped me tremendously in the healing process.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> No thanks. I prefer my Disney subliminal ex messages to involve women with shaved underarms and curvy figures. Like that bootilicious Pocahontas, the gypsy from Hunchback, that hour glass shaped Jasmine, or top heavy Jessica Rabbit.
> 
> Wait a minute. 2 out of 3 of those singers on the jug from the beginning of that movie are pretty hot. Ok, yeah!:smthumbup:
> And I guess Megara isn't too bad. Too skinny for me though.


How about the curves on Nani from Lilo & Stitch? Hey?


----------



## Nsweet

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: :lol: :rofl: That pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. :smthumbup:
> 
> I never had Facebook. My friends said "We're on Facebook, come on and join us." So I did. Waste of time! Plus the drama and all the crap. I have better things to do with my time. I never friended people who weren't my friends but I found it hurt our friendship in the end. I prefer not to get that "personal" with people I socialize with in any case.
> 
> I think it's fine if you have actual friends and family that you want to keep in touch with, especially long distance. It serves a great purpose there. But to sit and obsess over it? No thanks. And really, when you out with your actual friends, IN PERSON, WHY are you getting on FACEBOOK? :wtf:
> 
> But the picture taking is so irritating. What's ironic is that I tell my college aged daughter this stuff and she laughs and says that she rarely goes on Facebook and don't take a lot of pictures. My 16 year old son doesn't even have a Facebook account.
> 
> Everyone thinks the younger crowd is obsessed with this crap but it's actually the older folks. But of course I think my friends are stuck in the high school mentality with their cliques and mindset. It's totally bizarre.


That's exactly why I stopped using facebook myself. I cannot stand the online drama or any of the constant pleas for attention. It just has a way of bringing out the worst in people and making them think they have to compete for attention, or even make them think they have to keep earning "likes" to feel good about themselves. 

Facebook is the downfall of generation and something we're all going to be ashamed of years from now. It started out as a great idea, but the jerks and the cheaters just ruined it. Oh and don't get me started on those crappy games and all the NSA spying.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

ne9907 said:


> I find FB very informative, said no one ever but me. Seriously, I found so much useful information on FB regarding ex. THis information helped me tremendously in the healing process.


:scratchhead:Really? I blocked my ex and all our "mutual" friends from our marriage from Facebook right away. The last thing I want is to see what he's doing and I certainly don't want him snooping on me. I would think having your ex on Facebook would be a bad thing...but that's me. 

I don't even have my daughter on my Facebook nor am on hers. She's entitled to her own life. She's 19. And I don't really need her seeing what I'm doing either. 

It's not like I'm on it much anymore. It's more like a place to store photos at this point.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> That's exactly why I stopped using facebook myself. I cannot stand the online drama or any of the constant pleas for attention. It just has a way of bringing out the worst in people and making them think they have to compete for attention, or even make them think they have to keep earning "likes" to feel good about themselves.
> 
> Facebook is the downfall of generation and something we're all going to be ashamed of years from now. It started out as a great idea, but the jerks and the cheaters just ruined it. Oh and don't get me started on those crappy games and all the NSA spying.


:iagree: Oh yeah. Think of all the online cheating and/or affairs that started on Facebook.  Seriously...It's a horror show. 

And now it's a way for employers and teachers and even the law to poke around your personal life.  It's practically evil. 

Not to mention that it brings out the worst in people. Sorry, but lurking inside every 50 year old on Facebook is a 13 year old bully waiting to come out. Sad to say. 

It's great if you want to keep in touch and show photos of your kids to great aunt Tillie in California or say "hi" to your friends in Denmark but otherwise I'll pass. I didn't have it for years and I tried it and it's epic fail as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> How about the curves on Nani from Lilo & Stitch? Hey?


It's Tia Carrere in cartoon form. Of course she's still freakin hot.:smthumbup:


----------



## Freak On a Leash

struggle said:


> "Selfie" by The Chainsmokers anyone??


:lol: :lol: NOW that is exactly what I'm talking about. 

Except they also take pictures of ME and each other..constantly. :slap:

#SELFIE (Official Music Video) - The Chainsmokers - YouTube


----------



## vi_bride04

Date went awesome. I think I'm in trouble, I could have spent all fricken weekend with him.


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> Dragon Age was an awesome game!:smthumbup:
> 
> The first one I beat in like a couple weeks playing as a rogue with a big ass enchanted sword with ice and electricity runes.


Hehe, enchantment...?





> I had a warrior for close combat, I used my rogue tricks to sneak up on enemies and take out the strongest ones first, a dwarf with a cross bow for range attacks, and I had very powerful witch perform walking bomb and heal any of us. But the witch was the weakest character so I always had to keep an eye on her and heal her more often.


M: "We now have a dog, yet Alistair is still the dumbest one in the party"

Heh the characters are a riot!

Z: "Have some faith my dear Qunari, I am a master Assassin"
S: "I would hate to see a novice then"

S: "Interesting strategy, tell me, do you intend to keep going north until it becomes south and attack the Archdemon from the rear?"

:rofl:
So many other lines I can't list in DAO



> Dragon Age 2 on the other hand plain out sucked! You can't use as many weapons for other classes, and the story goes no where for so long that through a lot of it it's just really boring. There are also a lot of place that will have you stuck between the autosave and the story. You might have no choice but to fight you way out of a room with a lot of tough guys where they kill all your players but you and 2 of them can knock you out. Then if you start over you're screwed because the game won't let you go back to another city to upgrade your weapons and armor.





joe kidd said:


> DAo was awesome. The second one was crap.


Yeah DA2 was rushed, it had its moments but pales so much in comparison with the original. I hope when DA3 comes out it will be of DAO quality. And the music! Need more of THIS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWFEVbfCcOY



Freak On a Leash said:


> It's funny how you get attached to toons. I'm love my toons in WoW. One even looks like me.


With Bioware you get attached to more than your toons, your toon's toons! lol
The character development is awesome which is why I love it


----------



## Nsweet

Did you have sex with any of your characters in DAO yet?


----------



## ne9907

Freak On a Leash said:


> :scratchhead:Really? I blocked my ex and all our "mutual" friends from our marriage from Facebook right away. The last thing I want is to see what he's doing and I certainly don't want him snooping on me. I would think having your ex on Facebook would be a bad thing...but that's me.
> 
> I don't even have my daughter on my Facebook nor am on hers. She's entitled to her own life. She's 19. And I don't really need her seeing what I'm doing either.
> 
> It's not like I'm on it much anymore. It's more like a place to store photos at this point.


Yes, because ex would say something to me and I believed it but they were lies.


----------



## struggle

Nsweet said:


> Did you have sex with any of your characters in DAO yet?


My human rogue was hooking up with Alistair.

My dps + cc elf mage is all over Zevran like white on rice  she has a bad boy complex lol

I haven't played DA2 yet. Still messing with Origins 

With my rogue I had Alistair sword & board, Wynn as a healer and Morrigan as DPS + CC
Zevran also betrayed me because I ignored him...she was focus on Alistair

With my mage I have Alistair sword & board, Wynn as healer and Leliana as a ranged archer. So far so good.

Dog is pretty good it's just I never pick him over Alistair. Zevran, the dwarf, and Sten and Shale have not proven really useful to me yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I hooked up with Morrigan on the first one, the pirate chick who betrayed me on the second one. 

Struggle, have you gone into the caves yet? Between the caves and a couple castle adventures you'll get all the runes and weapons you need for DAO. You may need a couple big back packs though.

The second one, don't even bother with it. It's really boring and more constricting with it's rules. You can't even give your mages a bow and arrow or use warrior swords if you're a rogue. It really sucks.


----------



## struggle

Nsweet said:


> I hooked up with Morrigan on the first one, the pirate chick who betrayed me on the second one.
> 
> Struggle, have you gone into the caves yet? Between the caves and a couple castle adventures you'll get all the runes and weapons you need for DAO. You may need a couple big back packs though.
> 
> The second one, don't even bother with it. It's really boring and more constricting with it's rules. You can't even give your mages a bow and arrow or use warrior swords if you're a rogue. It really sucks.


With my rogue I already beat the game. With my mage I'm actually working my way through the caves now. And I have some pretty good armor/weapons because I made a bunch of $$$ on herbalism  although a lot of the best stuff you have to do quests for. 

I do seem to recall there being a ton of great things in the caves!
I'm a little nervous getting to the boss there...my rogue totally survived pretty much solo on pure luck lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

struggle said:


> With my rogue I already beat the game. With my mage I'm actually working my way through the caves now. And I have some pretty good armor/weapons because I made a bunch of $$$ on herbalism  although a lot of the best stuff you have to do quests for.
> 
> I do seem to recall there being a ton of great things in the caves!
> I'm a little nervous getting to the boss there...my rogue totally survived pretty much solo on pure luck lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How good are your teem mates? It's not a solo game.... If you structure your team well enough and level them up you won't have any problem. And give your mages lots of health potion and have the rogue near by. Rogues can ghost in and out and assassinate anyone who's messing with your mages or your archers. 

You're going to want to structure your team so that you have a good offense, a good defense, a range attacker, and a specialist. And that can be a rogue and a warrior, an archer and a mage or even 2 mages. You know how to get the blood mage in DAO don't you?

It's like that for tons of games too. Even if you're paying a shooting game. You have one guy run out hit as many targets as possible while setting off all the traps, a defense with strong short range weapons lay down suppressive fire, a range attacker either taking aim or sniping from a tactical advantage, and a safe shooter who can hide and come out in time to heal others.


----------



## struggle

Nsweet said:


> How good are your teem mates? It's not a solo game.... If you structure your team well enough and level them up you won't have any problem. And give your mages lots of health potion and have the rogue near by. Rogues can ghost in and out and assassinate anyone who's messing with your mages or your archers.
> 
> You're going to want to structure your team so that you have a good offense, a good defense, a range attacker, and a specialist. And that can be a rogue and a warrior, an archer and a mage or even 2 mages. You know how to get the blood mage in DAO don't you?
> 
> It's like that for tons of games too. Even if you're paying a shooting game. You have one guy run out hit as many targets as possible while setting off all the traps, a defense with strong short range weapons lay down suppressive fire, a range attacker either taking aim or sniping from a tactical advantage, and a safe shooter who can hide and come out in time to heal others.


Well my rogue ended up solo on that boss because the rest of my party bit the dust lol..and the golems were too big to fit into a space I found myself in so I pulled the boss and my dex was good enough that she barely hit me. Luck of small spaces haha

I know about blood mage but I haven't focused on those talents yet. I specialize for the points but haven't invested yet. I was hoping to do a healer/BM but I heard they made it more difficult to be one because you had to switch modes or something to be one or the other, since mages are OP in the game anyways  but I haven't made morrigan or wynne BMs....that might be interesting too

I do need to work on some party tactics stuff. Might make my gameplay even better
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

struggle said:


> Well my rogue ended up solo on that boss because the rest of my party bit the dust lol..and the golems were too big to fit into a space I found myself in so I pulled the boss and my dex was good enough that she barely hit me. Luck of small spaces haha
> 
> I know about blood mage but I haven't focused on those talents yet. I specialize for the points but haven't invested yet. I was hoping to do a healer/BM but I heard they made it more difficult to be one because you had to switch modes or something to be one or the other, since mages are OP in the game anyways  but I haven't made morrigan or wynne BMs....that might be interesting too
> 
> I do need to work on some party tactics stuff. Might make my gameplay even better
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For DAO you get the option to go blood mage later on in the game... Although you don't really need a blood mage. You can do it with just about any mage. 

For rogues you'll need that invisibility skill and the one where you feign death. That feign death comes in handy to make the bad guys lose interest while you let your health recover and think of a plan. There's also the one where you pop up behind the guy and stick a knife in his back. 

That game is all about team skills in the end. It's tough, but you have to really keep flipping through your players and moving them around. And you do better when you assign them AI skills to use, when they can heal or use mana potion, and if they are aggressive or defensive.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol ever since the Fox News crap about Mass Effect 1's sex scene, Bioware's sex scenes have become HILARIOUS :rofl: (sex with underwear!)

Quite frankly Mass Effect 1's scene is the best from Bioware thus far:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbi4S59ECfU

Anyways you guys should get the "Advanced Tactics" mod, it allows you to fully customise the DAO AI to the finest details. It was so much fun too, trying out different tactics and seeing what works.

As for team strategy you have to be flexible and learn different combinations, when I started I sucked, ex really showed me how to use tactics better in that game. 

Just get a warrior with taunt charging in and pulling in all the aggro then using forcefield and a DPS rogue to cut them down while they are wasting time trying to kill the warrior heh. Or for large battles and with 2 mages... AOE the hell outta the place with fireballs, blizzards and lightning storms once forcefield is cast on the tank (most of the time Alistair! Or Shale) lol

Shale: "Give me a command, come on it would be fun!"
Warden: "Ok, attack Alistair!"
Alistair: "Hey!"

Or, you can just charge in with your shield tank, then use two handed sweep to save him once his health is low, gives you some time to then split-tank and heal. Rogues shouldn't have to use much to lose aggro (considering they do high DPS on only 1 target at a time) Or you can just go in with 3 mages and massacre everything hehe. You should be flexible, though without a tank sometimes you'll be having your party running around the place lol

I never use blood mage myself, though heh I made it Wynne's second specialisation just for the health bonus! (only to hear her complain about the evils of blood magic  )

Remember: Victory in DAO considering you are 4 against many is always about good crowd control


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I'm giving Tinder a try. EVERY SINGLE GUY I LIKED WAS A MATCH. What's up with that? The seems completely improbable to me. Granted, I downloaded the app and set up my profile like a week ago, but was only actually able to get on it tonight (I realized I needed to have my GPS enabled for it to work), so it's been out in the ether for a little while, but EVERY SINGLE GUY?

I only messaged two of them though... I don't know if I'll message any of the others. I didn't hear back from either of those two, but one of the other guys that I liked messaged me, and we chatted for a little bit tonight.

I could see how this could get a little addictive.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

ne9907 said:


> Yes, because ex would say something to me and I believed it but they were lies.


I'm amazed he hasn't blocked you from his Facebook. :scratchhead:


----------



## Nsweet

Freak On a Leash said:


> I'm amazed he hasn't blocked you from his Facebook. :scratchhead:


Mine did. Soon as I called out out publicly for cheating and all her friends and family knew. She was pissed.


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> !!! Bioware is the king of stories !!! It beats Warcraft IMO
> 
> Try these:
> 
> Jade Empire
> Mass Effect Series
> KOTOR 1
> 
> Dragon Age is a darker story but is still full of light-hearted moments (as with all of Bioware's games), tons of humor too! Besides isn't Tolkien's stories dark too?
> 
> If you like immersion and free-roaming however, try Bethesda: there's always Skyrim / Oblivion / FO3/NV series - which are like MMORPGs in a way as they have unlimited content - mods
> 
> I got my ex into these games back in the day, she was really good at Dragon Age for some reason - even taught me how to play/build super characters. She liked her little toons.


Dark Souls rocks. 'Nuff said.


----------



## whitehawk

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: :lol: :rofl: That pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. :smthumbup:
> 
> I never had Facebook. My friends said "We're on Facebook, come on and join us." So I did. Waste of time! Plus the drama and all the crap. I have better things to do with my time. I never friended people who weren't my friends but I found it hurt our friendship in the end. I prefer not to get that "personal" with people I socialize with in any case.
> 
> I think it's fine if you have actual friends and family that you want to keep in touch with, especially long distance. It serves a great purpose there. But to sit and obsess over it? No thanks. And really, when you out with your actual friends, IN PERSON, WHY are you getting on FACEBOOK? :wtf:
> 
> But the picture taking is so irritating. What's ironic is that I tell my college aged daughter this stuff and she laughs and says that she rarely goes on Facebook and don't take a lot of pictures. My 16 year old son doesn't even have a Facebook account.
> 
> Everyone thinks the younger crowd is obsessed with this crap but it's actually the older folks. But of course I think my friends are stuck in the high school mentality with their cliques and mindset. It's totally bizarre.




Yeah l agree. l can't believe how many big people have FB accounts and play whatever the stupid game is on that. Totally gob smacked by the whole thing, it's downright scary.
l opened an acc few wks back as an extra way to talk to my daughter. l had no idea how creepy that thing is and how seriously they all take it.

So l have one friend on it , my daughter. But from just her l could not believe what l found out. Through her friends and their friends and their friends and through to my whole district of thousands of people, photos,talk, who's up who, l found out more in a few hrs than the 6yrs l've lived here .
Then l saw one that moved 2 yrs ago in there to and the whole chain started again . l saw EVERYTHING , about where they're living 3hrs away , their friends , all this talk , photos and suddenly amongst it all is a photo of me.
And , they can all see you and your stuff through even one friend, even my 12 yr old daughter. l was horrified to see just what was on her page .

But anyway , Sat night we shot the sunset in time lapse. And for some odd reason l logged into face book while D was on her ipad like 10mins after we got back. Here's the sunset movie we just made. ln a few mins she'd put it on fb and sent it to friends. l'm like wtf ! So l follow it through to her page and here's probly 50 comments on the movie in like the 5mins it'd been on there. Some from from people l hadn't seen in 3 yrs , my inlaws , adults l'd never heard of so l followed their pages and holy hell . Plus dozens of my d's friends . Al these people had seen the movie within 10mins of us getting home with it . All talking to my daughter , by now it must be 1,000s.
Seeing all these photos l didn't know she had on it , all her talk with her friends and theirs and there's .
l'm still freaking out !

l first opened my acc awhile back just to try looking some old friends up . Again , l could not believe what l found out and who within just a few hrs of an old life l've lived hrs away from for 15yrs now . lt was that damn spooky l closed the acc. Just reopened it for my d .


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Date went awesome. I think I'm in trouble, I could have spent all fricken weekend with him.


Why didn't you?


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Why didn't you?


Another there is something to be said for taking time to get to know someone in person, not rushing things, continuing to look for red flags, and not sleeping with them asap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l closed my acc again and spent 1/2 of last night reading up about privacy settings on that thing to.
And apparently once you have even one friend , through their friends and down the chain , basically forget privacy.
And the second you think yours is private FB change settings again so you have to keep tabs on it 2 or 3 times a yr.
And you should see some of the literally bs methods you have to go through to make even one picture private and some people have 1000s .

Apparently FB have made the lack of privacy worse and worse every time they fiddle with something . And that's or 3times a yr .


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another there is something to be said for taking time to get to know someone in person, not rushing things, continuing to look for red flags, and not sleeping with them asap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh you mean exactly what I did NOT do? lol

She asked me back over yesterday and I spent the night, we spent the entire weekend together other then a few hours here and there just like I figured was going to happen.

It's ok we are both on the same page, we understand it might not workout and it doesn't really bother either of us. We really really enjoy each others company.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Oh you mean exactly what I did NOT do? lol
> 
> She asked me back over yesterday and I spent the night, we spent the entire weekend together other then a few hours here and there just like I figured was going to happen.
> 
> It's ok we are both on the same page, we understand it might not workout and it doesn't really bother either of us. We really really enjoy each others company.



Lol Another... I hope it all works out for you and no one gets hurt in the process. ..

Now the important question.. did the sex get better? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Another there is something to be said for taking time to get to know someone in person, not rushing things, continuing to look for red flags, and not sleeping with them asap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Sooo true unsure.
l've been amazed at what's come out with every girl l've met so far.
Not necessarily like bad things in like any dangerous sense but just things , stuff . 
Hidden hang ups or past [email protected] or both and more, haunting them . And you see they'll just never ever shake it and you'd be dealing with forever .

l'm amazed at how even the most down to earth seemingly happy girl is seriously messed up underneath . Usually from their past crap.

l really hope l can leave mine where it belongs but the trouble is l'm finding , it takes two.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Lol Another... I hope it all works out for you and no one gets hurt in the process. ..
> 
> Now the important question.. did the sex get better? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah me too . I don't expect to be going anywhere anytime soon, shes right on the money for me for the most part.
And yes sex got better, not intoxicated makes it a lot easier to get to know someone "personally".



whitehawk said:


> Sooo true unsure.
> l've been amazed at what's come out with every girl l've met so far.
> Not necessarily like bad things in like any dangerous sense but just things , stuff .
> Hidden hang ups or past [email protected] or both and more, haunting them . And you see they'll just never ever shake it and you'd be dealing with forever .
> 
> l'm amazed at how even the most down to earth seemingly happy girl is seriously messed up underneath . Usually from their past crap.
> 
> l really hope l can leave mine where it belongs but the trouble is l'm finding , it takes two.


Well we talk about baggage here all the time and as we all agree everyone has some it's just up to you what amount or kind of baggage the other person has that YOU can deal with, it really has nothing to do with the other person it's all on you.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Another there is something to be said for taking time to get to know someone in person, not rushing things, continuing to look for red flags, and not sleeping with them asap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Sooo true unsure.
l've been amazed at what's come out with every girl l've met so far.
Not necessarily like bad things in like any dangerous sense but just things , stuff . 
Hidden hang ups or past [email protected] or both and more, haunting them . And you see they'll just never ever shake it and you'd be dealing with forever .

l'm amazed at how even the most down to earth seemingly happy girl is seriously messed up underneath . Usually from their past crap.

ps , Nothing to do with your sitch either btw Ap , if there isn't a problem why make one l say . 
But more with just what Unsure was saying . l'm really really thankful right now l've kept things slow with everyone let me tell ya. But then l've felt l've had to to l spose and that's the stuff we gotta listen to l guess . l spose when l feel l can just go for it l will but who knows !


----------



## jpr

I have been guilty of being infatuated and rushing things too much.

I don't recommend it. Even though it feels so good and so exciting to spend an entire weekend with someone you just hooked up with, it really isn't wise.

It isn't a wise way to start a relationship. What's the rush? ...you've got time. If it is the right match, you pontentially have the rest of your life. 

Sometimes it is good to take a breather...and observe....and reflect. ....and try to control the infatuation. Otherwise, you run the risk of burning out fast and bright. 

Unless you dont really see long term potential with the Bleacher, ap. If you see her as a fun diversion, then enjoy the burn.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes burnouts are bad, and sometimes trying to fight the infactuation just makes it worse lol 

However, it does help to remind yourself of this, while acknowledging your infactuation, keeping yourself busy, and knowing that the ladies want a challenge too


----------



## whitehawk

Not feeling too positive about T .

Once again , she has this deep deep trust thing goin on. l had a gf with big trust issues once. Never ever went away and the more you tried to work with it and sorta help , the worst it seemed to get . Went on for 5 yrs till l dumped her in the end , just couldn't handle it anymore.


Well , T has a very similar thing going on. And already every time l've thought we've made some huge step with it in some way , it only comes out again a few days later proving that meant nothing.
That stuff means a lot to me because l need to feel we have safe unspoken trust and it's reminding me of that old gf already . Which was an fkg nightmare.

l know one thing , l sure couldn't go there again .


----------



## RandomDude

Sounds like "T's" not ready, dump her

Both men and women need a backbone for a relationship (also what I like about my current squeeze)


----------



## Another Planet

I see long term potential. But I more see her getting hurt, I'm not to sure if she believes me about my intentions with my life. I've tried my hardest to be very straight forward with everything. How much I work sometimes, which she has experienced first hand :/ How much I travel in the warm months, how I have friends and family spread across the country and I will take off for like a week. Even my plans for this summer, how I have multiple long term vacations planned already and how the first one starts in 2 weeks. She's pretty cool with it though, not exactly happy the first one is happening so soon but it is.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I see long term potential. But I more see her getting hurt, I'm not to sure if she believes me about my intentions with my life. I've tried my hardest to be very straight forward with everything. How much I work sometimes, which she has experienced first hand :/ How much I travel in the warm months, how I have friends and family spread across the country and I will take off for like a week. Even my plans for this summer, how I have multiple long term vacations planned already and how the first one starts in 2 weeks. She's pretty cool with it though, not exactly happy the first one is happening so soon but it is.


She probably thinking that you will change for her... women often think that. .. been guilty of it myself in the past....

If she already is unhappy with it now and what you have been together like a week, how do you think its going to be when she loves you? Just things to keep in mind
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## struggle

Nsweet said:


> For DAO you get the option to go blood mage later on in the game... Although you don't really need a blood mage. You can do it with just about any mage.
> 
> For rogues you'll need that invisibility skill and the one where you feign death. That feign death comes in handy to make the bad guys lose interest while you let your health recover and think of a plan. There's also the one where you pop up behind the guy and stick a knife in his back.
> 
> That game is all about team skills in the end. It's tough, but you have to really keep flipping through your players and moving them around. And you do better when you assign them AI skills to use, when they can heal or use mana potion, and if they are aggressive or defensive.


The invisibility skill was so much fun with the rogue. I had a blast sneaking up behind people with poisoned daggers and giving them the 'ol one-two backstab. And then I was like a phantom, they couldn't even hit me  Never used feign death, I guess Alistair had enough armor that my rogue wasn't pulling aggro very often

I will need to work on my team skills. And stacking potions so they automatically use them. 

Next time I'll build Leliana as a duel-weilding rogue and try out some tactics too. 

Lol...this is why I HAVEN'T moved on from DAO yet lol.....


----------



## struggle

whitehawk said:


> Sooo true unsure.
> l've been amazed at what's come out with every girl l've met so far.
> Not necessarily like bad things in like any dangerous sense but just things , stuff .
> Hidden hang ups or past [email protected] or both and more, haunting them . And you see they'll just never ever shake it and you'd be dealing with forever .
> 
> l'm amazed at how even the most down to earth seemingly happy girl is seriously messed up underneath . Usually from their past crap.
> 
> l really hope l can leave mine where it belongs but the trouble is l'm finding , it takes two.


^^^^ I'm so afraid of this. I do not want to bring baggage from one relationship to the next. Hence another reason why I'm going to IC


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> She probably thinking that you will change for her... women often think that. .. been guilty of it myself in the past....
> 
> If she already is unhappy with it now and what you have been together like a week, how do you think its going to be when she loves you? Just things to keep in mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know and I hope not, cause that is not an option for me and I have tried to make it pretty clear that this is whats up just so she knows. 
Again why change me cause there is nothing wrong with me? If she likes me right now then this is what it takes for me to be me and I have even told her those exact words.

It's not that she is upset at me just kind of bummed that I am taking off.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> *She probably thinking that you will change for her... women often think that.* .. been guilty of it myself in the past....
> 
> If she already is unhappy with it now and what you have been together like a week, how do you think its going to be when she loves you? Just things to keep in mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: 

Yup. See it all the time and I was guilty of the same in a few of my relationships. 



Another Planet said:


> I know and I hope not, cause that is not an option for me and* I have tried to make it pretty clear that this is whats up just so she knows*.
> Again why change me cause there is nothing wrong with me? If she likes me right now then this is what it takes for me to be me and I have even told her those exact words.
> 
> *It's not that she is upset at me just kind of bummed that I am taking off.*


So you have tried to make it pretty clear - does she still seem to not really get the message?

Hmmmm at this stage in the game she shouldn't really be bummed about anything you do to take time for yourself. ESPECIALLY since you have repeated to her of what you need for you and how your life is several, several times. (I think unsure may be right about her thinking she can change you)


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I know and I hope not, cause that is not an option for me and I have tried to make it pretty clear that this is whats up just so she knows.
> Again why change me cause there is nothing wrong with me? If she likes me right now then this is what it takes for me to be me and I have even told her those exact words.
> 
> It's not that she is upset at me just kind of bummed that I am taking off.


Another women often say one thing but are thinking another...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Why didn't you?





unsure78 said:


> Another there is something to be said for taking time to get to know someone in person, not rushing things, continuing to look for red flags, and not sleeping with them asap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I was a bad girl and did. Rush rush rush. bah.


----------



## lisab0105

AP, since it is new it should be fine with her that you had previous engagements and plan your life accordingly to your time table.

But you have to keep in mind that IF you are going to get seriously involved with her or anyone, in time, you will have to start making their wants, needs and time a priority as well. 

You mentioned previously that she(general) has to come along for your ride if she wants to be with you...I hope you don't maintain that attitude because it is not conducive to a long lasting relationship. 

You don't have to change for any one, but you do have to make considerable room. Just things to keep in mind for down the road.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> AP, since it is new it should be fine with her that you had previous engagements and plan your life accordingly to your time table.
> 
> But you have to keep in mind that IF you are going to get seriously involved with her or anyone, in time, you will have to start making their wants, needs and time a priority as well.
> 
> *You mentioned previously that she(general) has to come along for your ride if she wants to be with you...I hope you don't maintain that attitude because it is not conducive to a long lasting relationship.
> *
> You don't have to change for any one, but you do have to make considerable room. Just things to keep in mind for down the road.


I know you guys took that the wrong way when I initially said it and I tried to explain what I meant but gave up and it obviously still lingers lol And I understand how that sounds kind of self centered and arrogant but that wasn't what I meant.

It's not like I am just using her and then ditching her. I have already invited her to every single one of these travels, I am very open to whatever possibilities but I'm going to do this kind of stuff and I am not going to stop doing it for someone and I am not going to stay around and not do things and wait for her...ATM anyway, it might change in the future who knows? If she ends up blending into my life easily then so be it.


----------



## ne9907

Freak On a Leash said:


> I'm amazed he hasn't blocked you from his Facebook. :scratchhead:


Oh he blocked me all right, last year, but that hasnt stopped me from gaining useful informatiion.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I see long term potential. But I more see her getting hurt, I'm not to sure if she believes me about my intentions with my life. I've tried my hardest to be very straight forward with everything. How much I work sometimes, which she has experienced first hand :/ How much I travel in the warm months, how I have friends and family spread across the country and I will take off for like a week. Even my plans for this summer, how I have multiple long term vacations planned already and how the first one starts in 2 weeks. She's pretty cool with it though, not exactly happy the first one is happening so soon but it is.


Dont forget a Cali-For-Nia trip!


----------



## Another Planet

I see a possibly very nice future for us, you don't get many chances with connections like this in life and I know it is different. Even my marriage was NEVER any where like this at ANY fricken point...even courting and stuff was never like this.
Lat night we finished up what we were doing at her place, she was folding her laundry and I had brought some work over with me. Then we just laid in bed for the next 4hrs just chatting and cuddling and kissing and laughing...then the lights went out  
But it's just like our first actual date it just kept going we didn't stop until they turned the lights off on us. That's like just the way it has been ever since and it's not forced at all, it's really cool. Like I said you don't get a lot of connections like this in your lifetime, or at least I don't stumble across them very often. I like it


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I know you guys took that the wrong way when I initially said it and I tried to explain what I meant but gave up and it obviously still lingers lol And I understand how that sounds kind of self centered and arrogant but that wasn't what I meant.
> 
> It's not like I am just using her and then ditching her. I have already invited her to every single one of these travels, I am very open to whatever possibilities but I'm going to do this kind of stuff and I am not going to stop doing it for someone and I am not going to stay around and not do things and wait for her...ATM anyway, it might change in the future who knows? If she ends up blending into my life easily then so be it.


My point is...I hope you let yourself be open to blending into HER LIFE as well.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> My point is...I hope you let yourself be open to blending into HER LIFE as well.


See there you guys go again with the assumptions, automatically jumping to the worst case scenario about me.

I have met her best friend and another half dozen more friends this last weekend. Been to a party she was throwing, I even have met her brother there. I am suppose to go to her daughters Bday party next weekend where I figure I will have to meet more family. I'm not really sure if this is what you guys consider blending but I am not to sure how much more then stuff like this I can do...other then moving in together and building a life, getting married and stuff like that :scratchhead:


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> See there you guys go again with the assumptions, automatically jumping to the worst case scenario about me.
> 
> I have met her best friend and another half dozen more friends this last weekend. Been to a party she was throwing, I even have met her brother there. I am suppose to go to her daughters Bday party next weekend where I figure I will have to meet more family. I'm not really sure if this is what you guys consider blending but I am not to sure how much more then stuff like this I can do...other then moving in together and building a life, getting married and stuff like that :scratchhead:


Chillaaaaax man, I wasn't criticizing you and I am the only one talking, so the "guys" doesn't need to be plural. 

I am referencing this line _"I'm going to do this kind of stuff and I am not going to stop doing it for someone and I am not going to stay around and not do things and wait for her"_

When you are in a serious relationship with someone, you should _want_ to wait for her and vice versa. You just sound a little too "my way or the highway". At least that is how it is coming across. Your life, AP...Do you and the rest will works itself out.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Another women often say one thing but are thinking another...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah like "Fine!" when she really means "You better figure it out dummy" and "Maybe" when she really means "Hell no".

So the next time you piss a woman off and hear "Fine!" don't ask for sex any time soon, unless you want to hear "Maybe.":rofl:


----------



## jpr

Sooooooo....

Inquiring minds want to know...

What was her house like? Did it reak of cleaning chemicals?


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Sooooooo....
> 
> Inquiring minds want to know...
> 
> What was her house like? Did it reak of cleaning chemicals?


Bwahahahaahahaha

WAIT Another did you just say you are going going to her daughters bday party? Uhhhh so you are going to meet her kids? Really?

Another, one thing I have learned in the past year of a ton of dating is that connections happen all the time...there are billions of people on this planet... also connections come and go...

I see a hot mess coming....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Yeah.

The kid thing.

:nono:

...the most impulsive guy I dated still protected his kids for at least a few months after dating. This guy moved his girlfriend in after three weeks of dating...but, at least he had the presence of mind to not involve his kids for a few more months.

Frankly, you seem a little immature and impulsive.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Sooooooo....
> 
> Inquiring minds want to know...
> 
> What was her house like? Did it reak of cleaning chemicals?


Yes, literally once a week on Thursday or Friday she cleans her two bathrooms with bleach and water solution. Her therapist has set her up with a psychologist to figure out the degree of OCD she has, which in my opinion is not bad. Her apartment is not immaculate and a matter a fact the bathrooms are not perfect by any means. 



unsure78 said:


> Bwahahahaahahaha
> 
> WAIT Another did you just say you are going going to her daughters bday party? Uhhhh so you are going to meet her kids? Really?
> 
> Another, one thing I have learned in the past year of a ton of dating is that connections happen all the time...there are billions of people on this planet... also connections come and go...
> 
> I see a hot mess coming....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep I did say that. Honestly it is still up in the air though, I am not sure if I can swing it this weekend anyway.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Yeah.
> 
> The kid thing.
> 
> :nono:
> 
> ...the most impulsive guy I dated still protected his kids for at least a few months after dating. This guy moved his girlfriend in after three weeks of dating...but, at least he had the presence of mind to not involve his kids for a few more months.
> 
> Frankly, you seem a little immature and impulsive.


Going to a little girls Bday party is impulsive and immature? So be it I guess, their mom asked me if I would like to go to meet some more friends and family. It is not like I am being introduced as BF.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Going to a little girls Bday party is impulsive and immature? So be it I guess, their mom asked me if I would like to go to meet some more friends and family. It is not like I am being introduced as BF.


What are you going to be introduced as then?


----------



## jpr

Sometimes you have to be the adult---and think of this from a kids point of view.

Even though the mom asked you, do you think it is the wisest thing for this woman to be introducing her boyfriend to her kid....on her kid's birthday???

Think about it.

It is fair to the kid---even if you are not officially introduced as her boyfriend.

It is sort of a floozy thing to do.

...she is putting her needs above the well-being of her daughter. 

Why doesn't she hold off a bit? What is the rush?

Poor kid.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Going to a little girls Bday party is impulsive and immature? So be it I guess, their mom asked me if I would like to go to meet some more friends and family. It is not like I am being introduced as BF.


No jpr I think meant that meeting the kids after dating for like a week is impulsive. . Weren't you just saying a few days ago you wouldn't do that for a long while....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

What would you think if your ex-wife exhibited the same behavior with someone who she just recently started "hanging out" with???

...I mean, really. What if you ran into her 'special friend' at your kid's birthday party?

And, what does her family think?


----------



## unsure78

Another do you know why I make my rules and deal breakers up while im not dating anyone? Its cause I have a clear head then. All of us want to jump in and experience love but if we do without following a few guidelines that we have set for ourselves. We then exponentially increase the chances of getting hurt or hurting another because once infatuated we are more likely to overlook the bad things about them. ... make your rules and stick to them
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

So let me see here. I talk to someone for 3 months and learn like everything about her. You guys aren't happy, tell me there's no in person spark yet so stop it.
But I still know there's something there.

Then we meet on a couple dates, after being very conservative and safe for a very long time. AND now there just so happens to be a major spark from the first time we meet in person. We then end up spending the equivalent of like 30-40+ dates together in the course of 3-4 days. 

I don't know. You guys are never happy. Pick it apart all you want. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out, BOTH of us have said these exact words to each other with absolute understanding of the circumstances. We also hope it does work out because we like each other a lot and we also understand that at any point in time there could be a deal breaker that pops up.

Kind of funny how you guys think you are so perfect.


----------



## Nsweet

Unsure raises a good point. There is a natural time like in relationships from when you say "I love you" to when you meet each others kids and parents. And meeting the kids after just one week..... That just raises huge red flags. People who push relationships that fast are usually doing so to drop their act as fast as possible and regress into their horrible selves.

From my experience, the men and women who are way too concerned with inviting themselves into your world and not at all cautious about getting to know you and earn your trust first, they're usually damaged goods. They shouldn't want to meet your kids until they're absolutely sure your relationship will last longer than a few months at least. And even then they are stranger in your house.... They get to meet your kids, not be their parents until they've earned that right.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Going to a little girls Bday party is impulsive and immature? So be it I guess, their mom asked me if I would like to go to meet some more friends and family. It is not like I am being introduced as BF.


Man, if a guy I was dating wanted me to meet all those people and be involved with more family/domestic stuff after only a couple dates it would really make me think he was insecure and had poor boundaries. Especially involving the kids. Even if we talked for a couple months before meeting. And slept together. 

AP, if the shoe was on the other foot would you invite her to your daughter's bday party after this short of knowing her?


----------



## Dollystanford

Got to be honest, I'm more concerned that she spends a day a week cleaning her bathrooms and they still aren't perfect


----------



## Lon

The only problem from the kids point of view, is that should the relationship not last, which is always a very possible reality, and if this is the kind of boundaries she has regarding this issue, then in the kids eyes you will be one of a string of male figures that comes and goes.

I think it is ok for kids to see how their single parents live their lives, including having relationships, but there is a real possibility of harming this kid's perception of healthy courtship and the feeling of security that young kids need to feel.

But really, it is Bleacher's call.


----------



## Another Planet

Theres those assumptions again. She puts her girls to sleep at 7:30-8pm then starts cleaning, usually done in an hour which is plenty. And do you have kids Dolly I can't remember? Anyway they can absolutely destroy a house in a matter of 30 minutes, she is a full time mommy.


----------



## Dollystanford

oh god I'm teasing you, I was trying to lighten the conversation with my usual insouciance

yes I have a 17 year old who can destroy a bathroom in 10 seconds flat and I couldn't give a toss about housework


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> oh god I'm teasing you, I was trying to lighten the conversation with my usual insouciance
> 
> yes I have a 17 year old who can destroy a bathroom in 10 seconds flat and I couldn't give a toss about housework


Damn, you mess with my head. You have a 17 year old and when I see your pic, I think who is this young teenager posting on a marriage web site


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> So let me see here. *I talk to someone for 3 months and learn like everything about her.* You guys aren't happy, tell me there's no in person spark yet so stop it.
> But I still know there's something there.
> 
> Then we meet on a couple dates, after being very conservative and safe for a very long time. AND now there just so happens to be a major spark from the first time we meet in person. We then end up spending the equivalent of like *30-40+ dates together in the course of 3-4 days.*
> 
> I don't know. You guys are never happy. Pick it apart all you want. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out, BOTH of us have said these exact words to each other with absolute understanding of the circumstances. We also hope it does work out because we like each other a lot and we also understand that at any point in time there could be a deal breaker that pops up.
> 
> Kind of funny how you guys think you are so perfect.


Are you just completely delusional or what?

Three months is no where near enough time to learn *EVERYTHING* about anyone. That's only enough time for you to have sex and learn enough of what *THEY WANT TO TELL YOU.*

And have you not been reading the horror stories on this site or listening to anyone by your own advice? Because let me tell a little something about women with personality disorders and major problems. Would you like to hear it? Ok, great.

They come on way too strong and way too fast for a normal relationship. It may seem like you've found the one but it's all part of the act to get you. They actually a lot of mirroring, gift giving from the start, sex, and these convoluted stories designed to make you the try harder to prove your love. Now this would be all fine and dandy if you understood them and had boundaries yourself, but you can't even take time off to figure yourself out after your divorce without thinking you have to date. So have fun. 

If you don't listen up and follow the words of caution here this woman will destroy you.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> So let me see here. I talk to someone for 3 months and learn like everything about her. You guys aren't happy, tell me there's no in person spark yet so stop it.
> But I still know there's something there.
> 
> Then we meet on a couple dates, after being very conservative and safe for a very long time. AND now there just so happens to be a major spark from the first time we meet in person. We then end up spending the equivalent of like 30-40+ dates together in the course of 3-4 days.
> 
> I don't know. You guys are never happy. Pick it apart all you want. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out, BOTH of us have said these exact words to each other with absolute understanding of the circumstances. We also hope it does work out because we like each other a lot and we also understand that at any point in time there could be a deal breaker that pops up.
> 
> Kind of funny how you guys think you are so perfect.


God lord Another what are you like 2? 

Do you know why the rest of us come here... it so that the others can point out things that we may not be seeing, get a different perspective, that is the true purpose of this thread, to gain insight from others past experiences ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Oh,ap...


You have such a talent for rationalizing the absurd.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You state that you will keep the woman at arms length and have plans to continue on with your life as is.

She's expressed some concern over it and is now inviting you to her daughter's birthday, where you will meet some of her family.

Writing is on the wall for both of you.


----------



## jpr

Change of subject.

I have had sex everyday for the past 34 days.


....yes, I am bragging.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Another do you know why I make my rules and deal breakers up while im not dating anyone? Its cause I have a clear head then. All of us want to jump in and experience love but if we do without following a few guidelines that we have set for ourselves. We then exponentially increase the chances of getting hurt or hurting another because once infatuated we are more likely to overlook the bad things about them. ... make your rules and stick to them
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:agree:

I had rules and broke them Sat....and it sucks b/c I really like this guy. Got physical way too fast. Spent alot more time together than we probably should have as well, especially for a 2nd date. Rules are important if you want something serious and meaningful and not to get stuck with crazy. Liking someone and being attracted to someone makes it really hard to abide by the rules....ugh

We are just looking out for you AP. She was even being wishy washy and giving you a hard time over text for 3 months. Just be careful and observe her actions/boundaries. If you are getting a weird vibe its for a reason. If this is just a casual, short term thing for you, tell her that b/c she seems to be jumping on the "bf/gf" train pretty quick. She may say otherwise. But its not about words - you should know that.


----------



## Nsweet

You know AP, a normal woman with a good amount of self esteem and no hidden agendas will want to get to know you but be very cautious in doing so. She may have some trust issues or be raising kids as a single mother herself, maybe she's recently divorced also. 

Either way she's not going to be pressuring you into any commitment and will most likely want to spend time with you in the present and not make any future plans on where your relationship is going. If you barely met 3 months ago you would still be getting to know each other anyways. And when you're not having sex you're still building trust.

And the biggest thing here with the normal relationships whether they be friends or lovers, is that normal healthy people are going to be cautiously optimistic with new partners. Neither one of you want to be hurt, but you also want to see where this relationship is going. So you take it slow and spend your time learning about each other and learning to trust the other person. That usually takes a few years to fully develop, because you want to see how they are at their worst when you're not completely infatuated and blinded by sex. 

How well can you even know a person and say that you love them, until you've seen them at their worst and just how much they can piss you off and still want to be with them? You know, that whole thing where even when you hate her you still love her.


----------



## jpr

I have been guilty of that VI.

It is better to hold off....I eventually learned that lesson.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> :agree:
> 
> I had rules and broke them Sat....and it sucks b/c I really like this guy. *Got physical way too fast.* Spent alot more time together than we probably should have as well, especially for a 2nd date. Rules are important if you want something serious and meaningful and not to get stuck with crazy. Liking someone and being attracted to someone makes it really hard to abide by the rules....ugh


So then.... Two sex forward, one step back.

If you really like this guy you can go back to the friendship and trust building stage and get to know him some more. Think of it like a do over but with all the sexual frustration out of the way. The "Hey I really like you, I want to get to know a little more before we do it again."

It's not necessarily a rule, more like you skipped a few steps and are now going back to appreciate everything about this great new guy and take your time doing so.


----------



## ne9907

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I have a blonde moment to share....


I apologize to all the blondies of TAM!!!

Here is my story
So this morning I am driving down the interstate and I see a very pretty and colorful car decal (sticker), reading 
CALI
FOR
NIA

I was rackign my brains for like a whole minute wondering who NIA was and why was CALI for her....????
Until it hit me!!
It read CALIFORNIA!!!!

I almost died laughing at myself!


----------



## unsure78

Ok VI so maybe you moved a little to fast but you recognize it, so its good..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> ooooooooooooooooo, i have a blonde moment to share....
> 
> 
> I apologize to all the blondies of tam!!!
> 
> Here is my story
> so this morning i am driving down the interstate and i see a very pretty and colorful car decal (sticker), reading
> cali
> for
> nia
> 
> i was rackign my brains for like a whole minute wondering who nia was and why was cali for her....????
> Until it hit me!!
> It read california!!!!
> 
> I almost died laughing at myself!


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> You state that you will keep the *woman at arms length* and have plans to continue on with your life as is.
> 
> She's expressed some concern over it and is now inviting you to her daughter's birthday, where you will meet some of her family.
> 
> Writing is on the wall for both of you.


I guess I was wrong, tough guy stuff talk you know. I didn't expect to meet someone like this. I want her to go everywhere with me that I go. I know no one knows the look in her eyes when she looks at me but me or the feelings when we touch each other, no way I could reproduce that for you. 
I don't know I guess all I can do is still play conservatively and one day at a time?

I have to be honest. I am flattered you all even care about me and what I am doing. Really you all are good friends in my opinion 

Kind of feel like this...
Dumb and Dumber - Oh! well,Pardon me, Mr. Perfect ! [HD] - YouTube


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Yeah me too . I don't expect to be going anywhere anytime soon, shes right on the money for me for the most part.
> And yes sex got better, not intoxicated makes it a lot easier to get to know someone "personally".
> 
> 
> 
> Well we talk about baggage here all the time and as we all agree everyone has some it's just up to you what amount or kind of baggage the other person has that YOU can deal with, it really has nothing to do with the other person it's all on you.




Sorry , don't get this. We can look after our own especially learning to deal with it here at tam
But we can't help theirs and if they let it interfere with everything , on and on,you can only be supportive and keep trying for so long.

l don't know how people here don't seem to know what l'm saying here . Maybe you've all been lucky and never had to live through their baggage destroying your relationships or it's chances before it begins .
l have !

ps . RD summed up exactly the " their" baggage thing - it takes two , you both gotta have a backbone to move on in this stuff . lf she hasn't you could only carry it for so long and you shouldn't have to do it alone anyway.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Sounds like "T's" not ready, dump her
> 
> Both men and women need a backbone for a relationship (also what I like about my current squeeze)




Jesus RD . For a fairly young man you spoke real wisdom there. So true , you do both have to have that backbone if it's not gonna just frustrate the hell out of you for yrs on end, won't work with just one will it !Thanks .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Jesus RD . For a fairly young man you spoke real wisdom there. So true , you do both have to have that backbone if it's not gonna just frustrate the hell out of you for yrs on end, won't work with just one will it !Thanks .


Confidence and integrity Boss. Know what you want follow it and do the right thing that you feel inside for yourself.


----------



## jpr

Another Planet said:


> I guess I was wrong, tough guy stuff talk you know. I didn't expect to meet someone like this. I want her to go everywhere with me that I go. I know no one knows the look in her eyes when she looks at me but me or the feelings when we touch each other, no way I could reproduce that for you.
> I don't know I guess all I can do is still play conservatively and one day at a time?
> 
> I have to be honest. I am flattered you all even care about me and what I am doing. Really you all are good friends in my opinion
> 
> Kind of feel like this...
> Dumb and Dumber - Oh! well,Pardon me, Mr. Perfect ! [HD] - YouTube


It is called infatuation.


I bet most of us have experienced it in our dating adventures. I know I have. ..."If it feels this right, it can't be wrong". Right? Even when your wise mind tells you otherwise....the infatuation takes over. It is addicting and exciting, but not authentic or withstanding.

Burning fast and bright. ...just try not to get involved with the kiddos....please.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> ...just try not to get involved with the kiddos....please.


Double please


----------



## FeministInPink

OMG, you guys! I have a (first) date on Thursday. With this crazy hot guy from Tinder. Who is six years younger than me. I'm kind of not sure what's going on here.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> OMG, you guys! I have a (first) date on Thursday. With this crazy hot guy from Tinder. Who is six years younger than me. I'm kind of not sure what's going on here.


You're meeting new people and enjoying life


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> You're meeting new people and enjoying life


I've been meeting new people for the last year and enjoying life for the last few months. But he's 28 and... totally sponge worthy. I got on Tinder not expecting anything to happen at all...


----------



## bandit.45

Sponge worthy....

:scratchhead:

Sponge worthy?


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Sponge worthy....
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> Sponge worthy?


It was Elaine's bit from am episode of Seinfeld where Elaine bought a bunch of discontinued sponges.

Elaine coined the phrase "sponge worthy" to describe the guys she would let have sex with her without using condoms. 

The comedy bit there was that she put her boyfriend through the wringer with tests in order to see which if he was "sponge worthy."

That's right. I remember every episode of every show I ever say from the mid to late 90's until now.

*"Who does not want to wear the ribbon? YOU do not want to wear the ribbon!?"*


----------



## bandit.45

I hated Elaine. I wanted to pull all that mop of her hair out. She was a clueless b!tch.


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> I hated Elaine. I wanted to pull all that mop of her hair out. She was a clueless b!tch.


You must not have gotten the whole joke behind Seinfeld.

Seinfeld followed a 50yo comedy plot where you have one straight lace protagonist character that everybody identifies with, and all these friends and enemies that cause problems for him. 

But Seinfeld was different because Jerry Seinfeld was *NEVER funny.* The show was only funny because Kramer, Elaine, George, Newman, and the the side characters carried it. The awkward thing about that show was that they were friends, but they kinda hated each other.

It was a "show about nothing" that every pothead just seemed to love.


----------



## whitehawk

lsn't it odd when l of the couple is a stunner yet the other could be downright unattractive .
How does that work ?

Like today , this stunning girl from head to toe yet the bf was about 1/2 a foot shorter , way over weight and he really just wasn't an easy guy to look at .
And , you could see they had zero connection to boot .

Weird how you get those couples sometimes !


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> It was Elaine's bit from am episode of Seinfeld where Elaine bought a bunch of discontinued sponges.


Sex and the City, Seinfeld, Disney sexual innuendos. I have to say, you know your pop culture very well, Nsweet. :smthumbup:

Kramer was my favorite on Seinfeld. His character was so damn funny. I would totally date that character.

Feminist, YAAAY! Go get you some young gun!


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> lsn't it odd when l of the couple is a stunner yet the other could be downright unattractive .


It happens often. 

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder so where you may think one is unattractive, their partner may think they are the hottest thing since Brad Pitt. And they may treat them like a queen/king.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Sex and the City, Seinfeld, Disney sexual innuendos. I have to say, you know your pop culture very well, Nsweet. :smthumbup:
> 
> Kramer was my favorite on Seinfeld. His character was so damn funny. I would totally date that character.
> 
> Feminist, YAAAY! Go get you some young gun!


 George was my favorite. 


Feminist, time to have some fun. 


AP, please think about what people are saying re your new flame. It makes so much sense. Texting for 3 months does not a relationship make. To introduce family and children to you now? It is a huge red flag.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> lsn't it odd when l of the couple is a stunner yet the other could be downright unattractive .
> How does that work ?
> 
> Like today , this stunning girl from head to toe yet the bf was about 1/2 a foot shorter , way over weight and he really just wasn't an easy guy to look at .
> And , you could see they had zero connection to boot .
> 
> Weird how you get those couples sometimes !


Isn't it possible that they like each other for reasons other than physical appearance? Or, maybe, that they've been together long enough that appearances have changed? Not all people are concerned only with image. And, not all people are always in a state of bliss. It's possible that they were just having a bad day.

I don't mean to be rude, but, I don't understand why the appearances on the outside should really matter. Of course, you get couples like David Bowie and Iman or Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt that match each othe's beauty, but you also get Hugh Jackman and his non-Hollywood wife or Rosario Dawson and Danny Boyle. I think that people are attracted to each other for reasons that aren't always apparent. Doesn't mean those unexpected couples are less likely to work or that those outwardly harmonious couples are more likely to work. I don't understand why the visual discrepancy matters; we're not all solely objects.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> I've been meeting new people for the last year and enjoying life for the last few months. But he's 28 and... totally sponge worthy. I got on Tinder not expecting anything to happen at all...


How do you like it so far? Do you feel it cuts through a lot of bull**** in regard to endless messaging before meeting? Are you finding some quality guys or just mainly the booty call type? 

I love the app. But now that I sit & think about it I haven't really been on it at all since my first date with disc golf .... Haven't even thought about getting on


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Isn't it possible that they like each other for reasons other than physical appearance? Or, maybe, that they've been together long enough that appearances have changed? Not all people are concerned only with image. And, not all people are always in a state of bliss. It's possible that they were just having a bad day.


:iagree:

Tinder links through Facebook, right? So does it pull your stuff from FB? (pics/profile/wall) or how does that work? Can you cancel it?


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Sex and the City, Seinfeld, Disney sexual innuendos. I have to say, you know your pop culture very well, Nsweet. :smthumbup:


What can I say? I was a latchkey TV binging kid and teen. I've seen every episode of every prime time sitcom from the 90s until a few years ago. From "Monty Python", to "In Living Color", to "The Critic", to some stuff not many people remember. Lot of children's cartoons and movies too. And like every stand up comedy set that was any good. I remember it all.

ZERO CHILDHOOD FRIENDS, mind full of useless crap, somehow I got good grades and a sense of humor out of all of that.

Oh and if you liked the original "I Dream Of Genie", you gotta check out the Bollywood version. It's all in subtitles but it's funny as hell and the jokes are better.


----------



## Jellybeans

In Living Color was sooo good!

I liked I Dream of Genie but was more of a Bewitched girl!


----------



## Nsweet

You should still check it out Jellybeans. It's called "Jeannie aur Juju" and it's so terrible, it's actually good. Like it's a real WTF type show... Like watching the Scottish version of "Shameless".

For real, the original version of "Shameless" is a word for word Scottish show. I flipped through the first season online a while back and all the episodes are the same, but the actor who plays the father doesn't sell dirtbag as well as William H. Macy.


----------



## Jellybeans

I will look into it.  I love "so terrible that it's awesome" movies. It's how I feel about "Dude, Where's My Car?"


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Double please


Triple Please..........


Its called infatuation Another, we all experience it, the majority of the time it fades....

Another I think the future Mr. Unsure is the greatest thing ever right now, we have sooo much fun together, just laugh our asses off over nothing, 6 hrs seems like nothing, i love it when he touches me, we actually are often practically finishing each others sentences when together, i connect with him like no other... sound familiar? 

guess what? its just infatuation... odds are it most likely it wont work out between the two of us.... I still enjoy it but, Im being smart about it and neither of us are INVOLVING THE KIDS... real love takes time to develop, compatibility takes time to test.....


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I will look into it.  I love "so terrible that it's awesome" movies. It's how I feel about "Dude, Where's My Car?"


Then do you by any chance like bad horror movies? I love em. And I'm not talking about human torture flicks like "Saw" or the newer slasher/pain flicks. Those are just disgusting and terrible. The bad horror flicks I like are stuff that is more odd and creepy than scary, and with plenty of stereotypes and horror jokes. Like guess what I saw the other night.... "Curse of Chucky". 

That movie was bad, but it wasn't as bad as "Gingerclown" a movie about a couple of kids going into an abandoned amusement park inhabited by foulmouthed wise cracking demons (puppets), or "Blood Car" a movie about this wimpy vegan kid that invents a car that runs on blood in a future where gas is $30, and he ends up feeding people to his car to get some ass from the sl*t. Oh, and there is a special place in my heart for "Killer Clowns From Outer Space".

If I don't have anything going on today I'm going to check out the scary movie about... And get this.... The "tickle monster".:rofl: And I still need to see that one about the girl with teeth in her vagina.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Then do you by any chance like bad horror movies?


No. That is one of my least favorite film genres.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> guess what? its just infatuation... odds are it most likely it wont work out between the two of us.... I still enjoy it but, Im being smart about it and neither of us are INVOLVING THE KIDS... real love takes time to develop, compatibility takes time to test.....


You are so self-aware, Unsure. I love itl :smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> You are so self-aware, Unsure. I love itl :smthumbup:


Smart too.


----------



## Nsweet

She's hot too. :smthumbup:


Why do I always have to say it?


----------



## Jellybeans

And she has a great rack.


----------



## unsure78

Fenix said:


> Smart too.


HAHAHAHAH I have had my share of doing really stupid things that involve men and love....

I just *try* to learn something along the way..... and believe me next time a guy crushes my heart and soul again I will be back on crying 24/7 ( ask VI or JPR or Dolly or even Nsweet how bad I was last summer when the engy broke my heart...that was bad)


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> She's hot too. :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> Why do I always have to say it?


Thats your job Nsweet to tell the MILFs how hot we are...


----------



## unsure78

oh and I like campy horror movies Nsweet....


----------



## Another Planet

Alright, I think I got this.
So set up a date right away and rush into meeting a perfect stranger to see if there is even a spark so you don't waste time on useless banter.
Then if there is a spark take forever and then add a few months on countless dates getting to know them before you take it to the next level which is involving them in your life. Which even then always keep tirelessly searching for those redflags and question everything they do. 

I agree, absolutely 100%. That is the perfect plan if you are looking for that one special someone to get married to and build that awesome unbreakable lifetime relationship where the two of you are intertwined in fairy tale like symphony.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Alright, I think I got this.
> So set up a date right away and rush into meeting a perfect stranger to see if there is even a spark so you don't waste time on useless banter.
> Then if there is a spark take forever and then add a few months on countless dates getting to know them before you take it to the next level which is involving them in your life. Which even then always keep tirelessly searching for those redflags and question everything they do.
> 
> I agree, absolutely 100%. That is the perfect plan if you are looking for that one special someone to get married to and build that awesome unbreakable lifetime relationship where the two of you are intertwined in fairy tale like symphony.


If you don't feel its long term, don't involve the kids. Can you at least do that, AP?? Involve her in your life as much as you want, just don't involve her in your kids lives. 

And I wouldn't be surprised if bleacher feels you are her knight in shining armor and wants that fairy tale symphony.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> If you don't feel its long term, don't involve the kids. Can you at least do that, AP?? Involve her in your life as much as you want, just don't involve her in your kids lives.
> 
> And I wouldn't be surprised if bleacher feels you are her knight in shining armor and wants that fairy tale symphony.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Another all we are suggesting is not to involve the kids yet... that's it... the rest of it we dont give a [email protected] about... jump into crazy all you want


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> And she has a great rack.


Don't forget about her ass. She's a little thing but she cuts a nice figure. 



unsure78 said:


> Thats your job Nsweet to tell the MILFs how hot we are...


So long as you're cool with it. Let me know if I ever step out of line... Of have Dolly do it. She loves to bust my balls. 

I just gotta say you're like the coolest MILF ever. You're smart as hell, very down to earth, and you get along well with everybody because you're really sweet.

Why the hell aren't you married yet? Damn it Unsure. What's wrong with these guys!?:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Why the hell aren't you married yet? Damn it Unsure. :rofl:


Hahahahah you sound like my parents...

Im working on it..... but im picky Nsweet, takes a lot of man to handle me :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## jpr

Unsure is indeed hot....and is a great catch.


I can attest.


----------



## ne9907

I had my Tinder date last night. It went all right, he thinks he is more intelligent than I am, so there will not be a second date. I do not like condesending people who flaunt their knowledge at me.

I also began messaging someone else, I am unsure about the situation.
It started very well, he is very nice, charming, polite, and good looking. He looks like Charlie Hunnam (at least his pictures do).

Yet.... He kept flattering me.... not used to that. He kept saying how hecould not stop looking at my pictures, and how glad he was i swiped right. He said there is something so very captivating about my look, so beautiful.... He did not ask to meet, he did not ask for my number. 
I over think situations, I will just go wiht the flow and enjoy the praises...


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> If you don't feel its long term, don't involve the kids. Can you at least do that, AP?? Involve her in your life as much as you want, just don't involve her in your kids lives.
> 
> And I wouldn't be surprised if bleacher feels you are her knight in shining armor and wants that fairy tale symphony.


I do feel it can be long term. I think I have a different definition of what i am after then what you all are after. 

Actually she gets defensive when I mention any thing relating to being taken care of. She is/wants to be strong and independent.
No knight here, I am not saving anyone and she knows that.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I had my Tinder date last night. It went all right, he thinks he is more intelligent than I am, so there will not be a second date. I do not like condesending people who flaunt their knowledge at me.


Next!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> Another all we are suggesting is not to involve the kids yet... that's it... the rest of it we dont give a [email protected] about... jump into crazy all you want


Ok I'm not arguing the kids thing cause I agree for the most part. I will NOT go to the Bday party.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I do feel it can be long term. I think I have a different definition of what i am after then what you all are after.


Yeah, you are after crazytown. Def not what I'm after!! LOL


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> oh and I like campy horror movies Nsweet....


I'll give you a list of my favs later if you're interested.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Hahahahah you sound like my parents...
> 
> Im working on it..... but im picky Nsweet, takes a lot of man to handle me :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


That's what I keep saying for myself. 

I need a strong woman that won't let me get away with nothing. She had better be willing to stand up to me check me when I get full of myself. 

See, I told y'all. I love b!tches.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Another Planet said:


> Actually she gets defensive when I mention any thing relating to being taken care of. She is/wants to be strong and independent.
> No knight here, I am not saving anyone and she knows that.


Yeah everyone says that though

Personally I'm far more relaxed about it than everyone else, I have a tendency to be impatient and impulsive when it comes to relationships. I moved in with the ex after we'd been dating a few weeks and it lasted 13 years. 

Just be aware that she may be telling you what you want to hear as we all do a bit of that in the initial stages


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah, you are after crazytown. Def not what I'm after!! LOL


I guess so :circle:


----------



## Nsweet

Damn I did not see that, but I agree with Dolly. 

You know my ex wife told me she didn't want my help and told me up and down how she was a hard worker and she wanted to do everything herself. Guess how long that lasted? 

Care to guess how long until she quit her job and started calling me crying and begging for money, money which I would have give her anyways... I guess she like to perform drama for it.

3 months!

Yeah, and she didn't start off asking nicely. She demanded and cried before I even gave her a yes or no. She's not the only one to act like that either. I've have some damaged ex girlfriends who lured me in thinking I was getting with a really awesome hard working independent person, only later to be put in no-win white knight situations and drop everything for them.

Don't trust everything you hear from a new relationship, but you should definitely remember it, document it, and tell your friend so they'll remind you later on.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Damn I did not see that, but I agree with Dolly.
> 
> You know my ex wife told me she didn't want my help and told me up and down how she was a hard worker and she wanted to do everything herself. Guess how long that lasted?
> 
> Care to guess how long until she quit her job and started calling me crying and begging for money, money which I would have give her anyways... I guess she like to perform drama for it.
> 
> 3 months!
> 
> Yeah, and she didn't start off asking nicely. She demanded and cried before I even gave her a yes or no. She's not the only one to act like that either. I've have some damaged ex girlfriends who lured me in thinking I was getting with a really awesome hard working independent person, only later to be put in no-win white knight situations and drop everything for them.
> 
> Don't trust everything you hear from a new relationship, but you should definitely remember it, *document it, and tell your friend so they'll remind you later on.*


I told you guys


----------



## Nsweet

If unsure becomes even more beautiful, jealous old hags are going to give her poisoned apples.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> If unsure becomes even more beautiful, jealous old hags are going to give her poisoned apples.


LOL Nsweet... im not that beautiful... I have my faults, weakness, and demons like many others here... 

people usually dont stick around TAM too long unless they have demons to work on..


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> LOL Nsweet... im not that beautiful... I have my faults, weakness, and demons like many others here...
> 
> people usually dont stick around TAM too long unless they have demons to work on..


Unless they're just really "Unsure".:rofl:


There's also people like me still here even after their marriages are over. People who don't fit in anywhere and don't necessarily need TAM, but they still like this forum and the people here.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Unless they're just really "Unsure".:rofl:
> 
> 
> There's also people like me still here even after their marriages are over. People who don't fit in anywhere and don't necessarily need TAM, but they still like this forum and the people here.


LOL you know I picked that name like in the middle of the night while like crying about my exh threatening to leave me after I got the ILYBNILWY speech... before i found about the affair... it was just how I felt at the time...no real thought went into it at all....

And I still remember jelly was like one of the first to respond to me (though she doesn't remember it) I was like ILYBNILWY... jellys like hes having a affair... I was so Whaat? my husband, never, its not that..ahahahahahah she was sooooooooooo right...


I still learn things here...its like taking the red pill, you just never knew... I also like that people will call you out on bull [email protected] and you learn what it takes to make a realtionship work...

this place can be amazing if you use it correctly.... oh yea and i kinda like some of the people here too..lol


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> LOL Nsweet... im not that beautiful... I have my faults, weakness, and demons like many others here...
> 
> people usually dont stick around TAM too long unless they have demons to work on..


Speak for yourself, I'm perfect and I'm still here on TAM (please don't interfere with my delusional self-aggrandizing fantasy, thank you very much)


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Speak for yourself, I'm perfect and I'm still here on TAM (please don't interfere with my delusional self-aggrandizing fantasy, thank you very much)


I love you and your bacon Lon


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I love you and your bacon Lon


My perfectly cooked bacon.

And I love you and your hat collection


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> My perfectly cooked bacon.
> 
> And I love you and your hat collection


Do you like you bacon extra crispy?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> LOL you know I picked that name like in the middle of the night while like crying about my exh threatening to leave me after I got the ILYBNILWY speech... before i found about the affair... it was just how I felt at the time...no real thought went into it at all....
> 
> And I still remember jelly was like one of the first to respond to me (though she doesn't remember it) I was like ILYBNILWY... jellys like hes having a affair... I was so Whaat? my husband, never, its not that..ahahahahahah she was sooooooooooo right...
> 
> I still learn things here...its like taking the red pill, you just never knew... I also like that people will call you out on bull [email protected] and you learn what it takes to make a realtionship work...


I got that same speech, but it was Dolly playing bad cop and AngelPixie playing good cop. I didn't meet Jellybeans until later after I talked to you. Oh and Bandit. Bandit was the straight shooter "suck it up!" guy.

Now that we're telling our stories, I came here after I tried DivorceBusters and Marriage Builders and was fed up with not getting a straight answer. My wife was already gone and playing game with my head, and I had just put together that she was cheating on me with her "just a friend" after I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech.

That was a rough time for me being completely alone here at the house and trying to go to school when I felt horrible. The one thing that helped me pull it together was this adorable little kitten that my cat had, and all she wanted to do was hang out with me and cuddle up to me when she slept. 

I'm still learning things here as well. A lot of what I have to say about dating in general is stuff I have learned myself and stuff I have noticed from others. I don't write anything I don't feel confident in saying, and a lot of this advice is the no brainer stuff I had to come to terms with myself. It's like "I know this person makes you feel good right now, but what is your gut telling you?" Things like that.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Do you like you bacon extra crispy?


Extra crispy is for novices, I like normal crispy with just a hint of chew left in it. Ie perfect.


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Do you like you bacon extra crispy?



Don't eat bacon


----------



## Nsweet

For you Lon.









It's a bacon vagina.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Lon said:


> Speak for yourself, I'm perfect and I'm still here on TAM (please don't interfere with my delusional self-aggrandizing fantasy, thank you very much)


I resemble that remark!

I stay because I like the people and even though what brought me here originally was a dating situation, I have learned a lot and since I had my own odd set of divorce circumstances I feel I can help a little, too.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> ...And I still remember jelly was like one of the first to respond to me (though she doesn't remember it) I was like ILYBNILWY... jellys like hes having a affair... I was so Whaat? my husband, never, its not that..ahahahahahah she was sooooooooooo right...


JB was there since my very first thread on TAM too, and she has a knack to write exactly when I needed to hear what she had to say to me. She has never once even lectured or professed to me or had to pull out a 2x4, just offered acknowledgement and support.

I don't know if I have ever thanked her individually for her kind words, so if you are reading this JB thank you for being on TAM and your kind heart, to me you are the backbone of TAM.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> For you Lon.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's a bacon vagina.


I prefer the real thing.


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok, I have a situation I am hoping you guys and gals can give me some advice on...

So went out with cute IT guy on Saturday - a hike turned into 6 hours of hiking, supper, drinks at a beautiful wine bar, an AMAZING kiss at the end of the night and talk about a second date. WOW, have not felt chemistry like that in years!!!

So now I don't have a clue what to do, I feel totally stupid about it. I feel like a 19 year old with a crush big time. He seems to be on the same page as me based on the convos we have had since Saturday.

But like others, I am having trust insecurities and wonder if this is all "real"...he says the sweetest things and our values seem to match up quite nicely.

I just don't want to rush anything and also do not want to come off as needy or pushy but also don't want to be aloof or come off as a b#tch because, well, im not.

Second date was supposed to be tonight but had to be postponed because of the stupid weather. We both knew it was a possibility and talked about "plan b" which he asked me this morning about when we figured out the weather was too sh*tty to drive in (we live about an hour apart). I told him my two options for the week.

His response was "I will let you know". Ugh. Now I am all paranoid.

Can someone please help me not be an idiot about this. Maybe I am just not ready to date and should just stick with my FWB.

I just really like this guy...but don't want to screw it up. BUT, I also don't want to give a sh*t if it doesn't work out in the end...

Need advice please!!!!


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> I prefer the real thing.


That is just disgusting.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> And I still remember jelly was like one of the first to respond to me (though she doesn't remember it) I was like ILYBNILWY... jellys like hes having a affair... I was so Whaat? my husband, never, its not that..ahahahahahah she was sooooooooooo right...


I hate being right about that stuff! And I *still* don't remember that thread, Unsure! It would be so funny to go back and read it now that we are friends cause my POV was completely objective. Omg so crazy. And you are definitely way better off, chick!




Lon said:


> JB was there since my very first thread on TAM too, and she has a knack to write exactly when I needed to hear what she had to say to me. She has never once even lectured or professed to me or had to pull out a 2x4, just offered acknowledgement and support.
> 
> I don't know if I have ever thanked her individually for her kind words, so if you are reading this JB thank you for being on TAM and your kind heart, to me you are the backbone of TAM.


Awwwwwwwwwww. Thank you! That really means a lot to me. I am glad that I was able to offer you support in your time of need. Lol about not needing 2x4s and double LOL on my "knack to write exactly" what you neededt o hear. Hehehe. I don't remember your thread either though.

So glad you guys are thriving and doing well!


----------



## Jellybeans

That bacon looks like a vagina! 

Family--just go with it. Tread carefully. He said he'd let you know so wait for him to contact you next about it. Oh and I prob wouldn't e happy over a "will let you know" either because it's not a definite.

Go slow. Slow is good instead of lightning quick fast.


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok, I have a situation I am hoping you guys and gals can give me some advice on...
> 
> So went out with cute IT guy on Saturday - a hike turned into 6 hours of hiking, supper, drinks at a beautiful wine bar, an AMAZING kiss at the end of the night and talk about a second date. WOW, have not felt chemistry like that in years!!!
> 
> So now I don't have a clue what to do, I feel totally stupid about it. I feel like a 19 year old with a crush big time. He seems to be on the same page as me based on the convos we have had since Saturday.
> 
> But like others, I am having trust insecurities and wonder if this is all "real"...he says the sweetest things and our values seem to match up quite nicely.
> 
> I just don't want to rush anything and also do not want to come off as needy or pushy but also don't want to be aloof or come off as a b#tch because, well, im not.
> 
> Second date was supposed to be tonight but had to be postponed because of the stupid weather. We both knew it was a possibility and talked about "plan b" which he asked me this morning about when we figured out the weather was too sh*tty to drive in (we live about an hour apart). I told him my two options for the week.
> 
> His response was "I will let you know". Ugh. Now I am all paranoid.
> 
> Can someone please help me not be an idiot about this. Maybe I am just not ready to date and should just stick with my FWB.
> 
> I just really like this guy...but don't want to screw it up. BUT, I also don't want to give a sh*t if it doesn't work out in the end...
> 
> Need advice please!!!!


Your good, you're good. Please calm down. 

Everything is fine with this guy and he wants to see you too. 

Chill out and go find a hobby until he calls you. 

You remember the 180 rules, right? You don't call him until he calls you and you find something to do with yourself so you're not jumping for his attention or chasing him to death.


----------



## unsure78

My threads were all deleted long ago. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> How do you like it so far? Do you feel it cuts through a lot of bull**** in regard to endless messaging before meeting? Are you finding some quality guys or just mainly the booty call type?
> 
> I love the app. But now that I sit & think about it I haven't really been on it at all since my first date with disc golf .... Haven't even thought about getting on


Vi, I don't really know. I've only been active on Tinder since Sunday evening, and I have very little to compare it to. My one and only foray into online dating (*******, late last fall) was an abysmal failure, so I can't really use that for comparison.

I'm also going into this assuming that everyone on Tinder is looking for sex. Which I am totally OK with. I'm not looking for a life partner right now. I'm not just going to jump into bed with every guy I meet on Tinder, and if that's what a guy expects, well, NEXT! I expect the guy to put in some time/effort, and recognize that I'm a person; if he just sees me as a sperm receptacle, I'm not interested. I'm sure there are some quality guys on Tinder. Someone can be looking for sex AND be a quality person. After all, I'm on Tinder, right?

I'm not really looking for a relationship, but if I meet a really great guy, it would be worth exploring. Even so, most of the guys on Tinder are YOUNG. 20s. I don't think I could do a relationship with a guy in his 20s. An extended fling, maybe, but a relationship? Probably not.

There are some men my age and older on Tinder; they either look a LOT older than their listed age, or they look like they would have been on the cast of Jersey Shore 20 years ago. And for the young ones, there are definitely some Dude Bros. Staying away from those. And then, there are a few where I'm like, Oh, you are so adorable, I could just pinch your cheeks, you look like a puppy!

So, we'll see how it goes. Maybe in a week, I'll hate Tinder.


----------



## FeministInPink

Dollystanford said:


> Yeah everyone says that though
> 
> Personally I'm far more relaxed about it than everyone else, *I have a tendency to be impatient and impulsive when it comes to relationships. I moved in with the ex after we'd been dating a few weeks and it lasted 13 years. *
> 
> Just be aware that she may be telling you what you want to hear as we all do a bit of that in the initial stages


This is what I did. Definitely want to avoid that this time around.


----------



## familyfirst09

Nsweet said:


> Your good, you're good. Please calm down.
> 
> Everything is fine with this guy and he wants to see you too.
> 
> Chill out and go find a hobby until he calls you.
> 
> You remember the 180 rules, right? You don't call him until he calls you and you find something to do with yourself so you're not jumping for his attention or chasing him to death.


yes I remember the 180s. But you don't think that would just come across as aloof?? I never really understood some of it tbh. I've got lots to do that is for sure, he just seems to be occupying more of brain space than I wish he was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I was going to post a pic of a bacon penis. But then I found this....

Bacon cinnamon roll!:smthumbup:










I want it. I don't care if it is bad for me, I've gotta try this!


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Unless they're just really "Unsure".:rofl:
> 
> 
> There's also people like me still here even after their marriages are over. People who don't fit in anywhere and don't necessarily need TAM, but they still like this forum and the people here.


I am still on TAM exclusively for this thread. I occasionally post on other threads, but THIS THREAD. Yeah, I still have some issues, but I'm working through them pretty well.


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> That is just disgusting.


I'd still eat it though.


----------



## Nsweet

familyfirst09 said:


> yes I remember the 180s. But you don't think that would just come across as aloof?? I never really understood some of it tbh. I've got lots to do that is for sure, he just seems to be occupying more of brain space than I wish he was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The only thing you need to be thinking about is what you're going to do with your weekend without him. He may be the man of your dreams and sweep you off you feet, or he may blw you off. It's doesn't matter.... If you don't hear from him then you carry on and do other things with your life. 

Don't put everything on hold for him or play those mental games with yourself to make him call you. Just shut up and stay away from your phone. It's like the polar opposite on the NC for divorce where you're staying away from your ex to recover. It's NC for dating where you're staying away to keep from chasing him off. 

Let me put it to you like this... If he enjoyed kissing you he'll be back for more.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> There are some men my age and older on Tinder; they either look a LOT older than their listed age, or they look like they would have been on the cast of Jersey Shore 20 years ago. And for the young ones, there are definitely some Dude Bros.


:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Lon said:


> I'd still eat it though.


Me, too. :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



EnjoliWoman said:


> Me, too. :rofl:


We can share, you nibble on the bacon strips on the left whilst I savour the ones on the right.


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Me, too. :rofl:


Meat lesbian.


----------



## FeministInPink

I love bacon.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> That is just disgusting.


Yeah! 
I like bacon and I like vaginas but I guess I don't like bacon vaginas lol


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I am still on TAM exclusively for this thread. I occasionally post on *other threads*, but THIS THREAD. Yeah, I still have some issues, but I'm working through them pretty well.


There's other threads?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yeah!
> I like bacon and I like vaginas but I guess I don't like bacon vaginas lol


I just said I'd eat it, wouldn't do any other things to it


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok, I have a situation I am hoping you guys and gals can give me some advice on...
> 
> So went out with cute IT guy on Saturday - a hike turned into 6 hours of hiking, supper, drinks at a beautiful wine bar, an AMAZING kiss at the end of the night and talk about a second date. WOW, have not felt chemistry like that in years!!!
> 
> So now I don't have a clue what to do, I feel totally stupid about it. I feel like a 19 year old with a crush big time. He seems to be on the same page as me based on the convos we have had since Saturday.
> 
> But like others, I am having trust insecurities and wonder if this is all "real"...he says the sweetest things and our values seem to match up quite nicely.
> 
> I just don't want to rush anything and also do not want to come off as needy or pushy but also don't want to be aloof or come off as a b#tch because, well, im not.
> 
> Second date was supposed to be tonight but had to be postponed because of the stupid weather. We both knew it was a possibility and talked about "plan b" which he asked me this morning about when we figured out the weather was too sh*tty to drive in (we live about an hour apart). I told him my two options for the week.
> 
> His response was "I will let you know". Ugh. Now I am all paranoid.
> 
> Can someone please help me not be an idiot about this. Maybe I am just not ready to date and should just stick with my FWB.
> 
> I just really like this guy...but don't want to screw it up. BUT, I also don't want to give a sh*t if it doesn't work out in the end...
> 
> Need advice please!!!!


I am clueless about dating. But stay cool, do not send him one too many text messages. Always wait for a response from him before sending anohter text

I admit, "I will let you know" sounds sort of bad but give him the benefit of the doubt. DO NOT take his actions as an answer to dating. If it doesnt work out with him, say NEXT!

What do you like about him so much?


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> I am clueless about dating. But stay cool, do not send him one too many text messages. Always wait for a response from him before sending anohter text
> 
> I admit, "I will let you know" sounds sort of bad but give him the benefit of the doubt. DO NOT take his actions as an answer to dating. If it doesnt work out with him, say NEXT!
> 
> What do you like about him so much?



We seemed to just have the same values anf goals in life. He's funny as hell and I feel very relaxed around him. And he's very sweet as well. But my mind always goes to "is he legit??"

I think I need to re-visit the 180 rules lol. Are there specific ones for dating??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

familyfirst09 said:


> We seemed to just have the same values anf goals in life. He's funny as hell and I feel very relaxed around him. And he's very sweet as well. But my mind always goes to "is he legit??"
> 
> I think I need to re-visit the 180 rules lol. Are there specific ones for dating??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know if you need to go all out with a 180 on some poor guy that's taken you out all of once. That seems a bit extreme. However, you do probably need to set some boundaries for yourself. Maybe looking at one of those old-school dating guides like "The Rules" or something. 

I'd really just make simple rules for myself in your situation. Easy things like agree to one date a week, think about what your comfort level is with sex and affection--now, when you're not making out like teenagers in the car  -- things like that. Just to keep yourself on pace rather than walling up and blowing him off, since it seems like you did really like him.


----------



## familyfirst09

No I really don't want to "180" him. Maybe I'm just too nice, everyone says that and to some guys that's a turn off. But I'm not going to change who I am and be a b*tch just so a guy will like me. I already have my boundaries - no interfering with my daughter's time, no texting while working and no sex until at least a few dates and I know he is not sleeping with anyone else. I'd really like to believe he is legit before taking it further than just simple dates. Affection I'm okay with, love it - we were holding hands and playing footies during supper and it was cute, just soooooooo not what I'm used to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

And see, my approach is typically to believe that people are legit and let them prove otherwise. So just take your time with him. Your biggest risk is probably wanting to move too fast. I've noticed that often people that are just out of long term relationships tend to seek stasis by trying to get back to that feeling of relationship. They rush right through the dating and getting to know someone so that they can try to get back to those comfortable "couple" things they did when they were partnered. So really, take the time to enjoy getting to know him and just see where it goes. Maybe it will work out, maybe not but at least you can enjoy the journey!


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> We seemed to just have the same values anf goals in life. He's funny as hell and I feel very relaxed around him. And he's very sweet as well. But my mind always goes to "is he legit??"
> 
> I think I need to re-visit the 180 rules lol. Are there specific ones for dating??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will call it first date infatuation .

That actually happened to me a few weeks ago with a guy from Tinder. He was so nice, so sweet, a perfect gentleman, we went out for a movie and I became gaga for him.

But there was no spark, he friendzoned me and I actually wanted him more...
I had time to look at the reasons why I became so infatuated with him and it was because no man had been so nice and sweet to me in a long time!

But I also made rude remarks about his age (he is 26, i am 36), i compared him to my younger brother. I also said that some event was way before his lifetime..... So yeah, looking back, that is probably why he friendzoned me.

Just take it easy and enjoy the ride


----------



## Another Planet

Well since you guys got me all riled up that she is being crazy with meeting the kids thing I talked to her today about it and told her I don't think we should meet kids yet. 
She goes, "I never suggested you meet my kids other then in a public place for their party, which happens to be at the same time as open swim"

Then she told me how she can't do that again to them, and how the last guy she was seeing met her girls and they really liked him then he dropped off the face of the planet and how bothered they were about that.

So how crazy is she now?


----------



## COGypsy

So now she's saying that she wasn't actually inviting you to the party, just to hang out at a swimming pool where there would be a party? That just happened to be for her kid?

Sounds like she's mirroring like crazy. Tailoring how she comes across to be what she thinks you want to see.

Just seems like a lot of contradictions. How old is she? Something like 23 or so, right? She might just be really young.


----------



## familyfirst09

I think I need to do what CO suggested and give him the benefit of the doubt. He hasn't given me a reason yet to think he's a douche. And damn he just played a friggin hilarious April fools joke on me lol. And he wants to facetime tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Well since you guys got me all riled up that she is being crazy with meeting the kids thing I talked to her today about it and told her I don't think we should meet kids yet.
> She goes, "I never suggested you meet my kids other then in a public place for their party, which happens to be at the same time as open swim"
> 
> Then she told me how she can't do that again to them, and how the last guy she was seeing met her girls and they really liked him then he dropped off the face of the planet and how bothered they were about that.
> 
> So how crazy is she now?


How is that NOT meeting her kid?? :scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

Shes 34. 
Maybe she wasn't exactly thinking with her brain at the moment also.

Alright you guys got me.....I don't have a fckn clue what I am doing.


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> Shes 34.
> Maybe she wasn't exactly thinking with her brain at the moment also.
> 
> Alright you guys got me.....I don't have a fckn clue what I am doing.



If it's a public swim, wouldn't you be just another person there? You wouldn't even need to be introduced would you??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> If it's a public swim, wouldn't you be just another person there? You wouldn't even need to be introduced would you??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that's her point, to kind of slyly meet and interact but not in like a relationship way in front of the kids.


----------



## COGypsy

But why even mention it, then?

"Hey AP, I'm going to have a party for my kid in a public place. You should totally come and not talk to us there!"

And she's really 34? That was definitely not the impression I was getting. But I'm an old lady (almost), so I could be way off on that part.


----------



## familyfirst09

Who are you supposed to be meeting and interacting with?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Shes 34.
> Maybe she wasn't exactly thinking with her brain at the moment also.
> 
> Alright you guys got me.....I don't have a fckn clue what I am doing.


Another you have a collective wisdom here to draw from, some of the veteran TAMers pointing things out to you. .. but you choose to get upset and deflect everytime... 

You really should stop and give some pause when everyone in the thread suggests the exact same thing...

But you aren't going to listen to anyone anyway. .. you have everything figured out right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

the fact that she wants to 'slyly meet and interact' at her kid's party is a little weird, can't she even do without you for a few hours 

FF I think he's interested - he's not going to want to facetime if he's not. Sometimes there's a legitimate excuse not to be able to go out, as you say he's not shown you anything to suggest he's not sincere yet. Enjoy but just be on your guard slightly is all

And if you need to come here and shout 'OMGZ WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE MEEEEEEEEE?' then that's what we're here for! You can do that with us so you don't look utterly insane to them


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Another you have a collective wisdom here to draw from, some of the veteran TAMers pointing things out to you. .. but you choose to get upset and deflect everytime...
> 
> You really should stop and give some pause when everyone in the thread suggests the exact same thing...
> 
> But you aren't going to listen to anyone anyway. .. you have everything figured out right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No that is what I am saying. I am being truthful not sarcastic at all. I have no idea what I am doing.

I'm not going to go to the party. And I told her today kids shouldn't meet yet.


----------



## familyfirst09

Dollystanford said:


> the fact that she wants to 'slyly meet and interact' at her kid's party is a little weird, can't she even do without you for a few hours
> 
> FF I think he's interested - he's not going to want to facetime if he's not. Sometimes there's a legitimate excuse not to be able to go out, as you say he's not shown you anything to suggest he's not sincere yet. Enjoy but just be on your guard slightly is all
> 
> And if you need to come here and shout 'OMGZ WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE MEEEEEEEEE?' then that's what we're here for! You can do that with us so you don't look utterly insane to them



Oh that's exactly what I'm doing lol, to him I've been "cool and calm". He just told me what day he wants to go out based on the options I gave him so that's good. But my stupid effin brain!!!!!!! I think im too much of a romantic. Plus he's younger than me and even tho he seems very mature, he probably still thinks differently than I do - what he thinks is no big deal, I could think otherwise. I guess that is also a gal/guy thing too. I'm just sweating this way to effin much and need to smarten the hell up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Nah, a new prospect is always exciting - it's very easy to say 'be cool' but we never are inside


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> Nah, a new prospect is always exciting - it's very easy to say 'be cool' but we never are inside


Soooo true!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

So how do I "pretend" to be cool on the outside? I'm scared to ask the wrong questions or say something that will "scare" him off. Does that make sense?

The April fools joke he played on me - told me it was okay our date got cancelled tonight because he had another date, wanted to know if that was okay. Told me it was nothing serious, just a first date. He would probably kiss her but not like he kissed me and he would bring protection just in case...it was friggin hilarious. but have to say, a big lump formed in my throat for a minute and I did not like that reaction I had. We joked around with it and he told me that if I had done that to him he would of hacked my computer and sent messages out saying I was unavailable. It was cute and I thought it was cool he's that comfortable with me to pull a joke. But it still made me feel like **** for a second thinking he was "dating" someone else and who's business is that of mine?? Its not!! But I'm not a multiple dater, can't do it. Maybe I should be, I dunno. 

See I'm just making too much out of this too too too soon!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> So how do I "pretend" to be cool on the outside? I'm scared to ask the wrong questions or say something that will "scare" him off. Does that make sense?
> 
> The April fools joke he played on me - told me it was okay our date got cancelled tonight because he had another date, wanted to know if that was okay. Told me it was nothing serious, just a first date. He would probably kiss her but not like he kissed me and he would bring protection just in case...it was friggin hilarious. but have to say, a big lump formed in my throat for a minute and I did not like that reaction I had. We joked around with it and he told me that if I had done that to him he would of hacked my computer and sent messages out saying I was unavailable. It was cute and I thought it was cool he's that comfortable with me to pull a joke. But it still made me feel like **** for a second thinking he was "dating" someone else and who's business is that of mine?? Its not!! But I'm not a multiple dater, can't do it. Maybe I should be, I dunno.
> 
> See I'm just making too much out of this too too too soon!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would never pull an April fool's stunt like that to someone I was interested in pursuing romantically.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Shes 34.
> Maybe she wasn't exactly thinking with her brain at the moment also.
> 
> Alright you guys got me.....I don't have a fckn clue what I am doing.


AP, relax. Don't be so sensitive to conflicting opinions. Not everything is a sign of insanity. And, you don't need universal approval from TAM to do what is right for you. You also don't need to get any seal of approval to be sure she's not crazy. Remember that people on TAM are giving you opinions and advice about what they see and that what they see is just what you've presented here without other interpersonal context that you have. So, keep that in mind.

You've presented the "going slow and talking" part as a prelude to meeting, not as a phase of your courtship. Many people think that not meeting sooner is weird. Some don't think it's weird. However, look at all that talking you did. You got to know each other slowly without lust taking over your conversations or dates. That was probably a good idea. Just remember that this is the other side now; the pendulum has swung to the other side and lust/limerence rules while logic takes a backseat. Give things time to settle between you two and recognize that the excitement and novelty of finally connecting will make you both feel impulsive for a while. Take it easy.

If you're meeting the kids as " a friend" and in a big group, you're doing something different from meeting them solo as "Mom's new boyfriend". That 's casual. As long as you keep it casual and distant and cordial, that's not a huge deal. Just talk to your girlfriend (calling her Bleacher just makes her sound nutty; maybe time for a new nickname?) about how you guys want to present the situation to others. Maybe when she suggested that you attend, she wasn't thinking things through. Maybe she felt like her kids wouldn't see you as a potential daddy because the context was not intimate. Instead of assuming that all these behaviors are patterns of craziness, use the opportunity to create real discourse about what you both want and call each other out on the impulsive stuff to keep yourselves in check. 

People here respond based on their ideas of life and boundaries. Each person's boundaries vary from the other's. Just know what yours are. The idea is that it might be too soon to swoop in as Potential Daddy, but, maybe Mom's Friend is more palatable -- if you avoid PDA and mixed signals presented to impressionable kids. Maybe your gf didn't think about it that way; maybe she wanted a taste of how things fit together in her world; maybe she is more emotionally invested than you; maybe she is immature; maybe she is more equipped to understand how her kids will interpret it than we are : any of those, or other reasons, could be the case. Take those suggestions you find on TAM as advice rather than rules. You don't need your decisions vetted. People here have your best interests at heart and want you to think about things; they're not interested in tearing you and your gf apart or making her fit in to their expectations. 

Speak freely. Behave honorably. Listen openly. Be respectful enough to hear others, but respect yourself enough to dissent if, upon reflection, your difference of opinion still has your conviction.


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> I would never pull an April fool's stunt like that to someone I was interested in pursuing romantically.


Nah...honestly I would have pulled the same prank if I would have thought of it sooner. I thought it was a hoot! But it made me realize that I care more than I should atm. And not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

familyfirst09 said:


> Oh that's exactly what I'm doing lol, to him I've been "cool and calm". He just told me what day he wants to go out based on the options I gave him so that's good. But my stupid effin brain!!!!!!! I think im too much of a romantic. Plus he's younger than me and even tho he seems very mature, he probably still thinks differently than I do - what he thinks is no big deal, I could think otherwise. I guess that is also a gal/guy thing too. I'm just sweating this way to effin much and need to smarten the hell up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FF I'm right there with ya. OMG. I have been overthinking today regarding disc golf hat in a conversation with my sister. Mentioned not really talking to him as much as we were. She of course is like "why not? Uh oh" stuff like that. Got the wheels a turning....bah

About 5min after that conversation I got a text from him and things seem just fine/normal. 

The infatuation monster can go to hell!!!!


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> I would never pull an April fool's stunt like that to someone I was interested in pursuing romantically.


Do you think he was testing her to see if she was into him or seeing anyone else? A bit awkward, if so, but, some people might find that funny...a way to test the waters with levity.

I'm not into pranks and I'd have been annoyed, but, then, I'm a bit uptight about certain things that trigger my insecurities (ex cheated, lied, and manipulated).


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP, relax. Not everything is a sign of insanity. And, you don't need universal approval from TAM to do what is right for you. You also don't need to get any seal of approval to be sure she's not crazy. Remember that people on TAM are giving you opinions and advice about what they see and that what they see us just what you've presented here without other interpersonal context.
> 
> You've presented the going slow and talking part as a prelude to meeting. Many people think that not meeting sooner is weird. However, look at all that talking you did. You got to know each other slowly without lust taking over your conversations. That was probably a good idea. Just remember that this is the other side now; the pendulum swing to the other side. Give things time to settle and recognize that the excitement will make you both feel impulsive for a moment. Take it easy.
> 
> If you're meeting the kids as " a friend" and in a big group, you're doing something different from meeting them solo as "Mom's new boyfriend". That 's casual. As long as you keep it casual and distant and cordial, that's not a huge deal. Just talk to your girlfriend (calling her Bleacher just makes her sound nutty; maybe time for a new nickname?) about how you guys want to present the situation to others. Maybe when she suggested that you attend, she wasn't thinking things through. Maybe she felt like her kids wouldn't see you as a potential daddy because the context was different. Instead of assuming that all these behaviors are patterns of craziness, use the opportunity to create real discourse about what you both want and call each other out on the impulsive stuff to keep in check.
> 
> People here respond based on their ideas of life and boundaries. Each person's boundaries vary from the other's. Just know what yours are. The idea is that it might be too soon to swoop in as Potential Daddy, but, maybe Mom's Friend us more palatable -- if you avoid PDA and mixed signals. Take those suggestions as advice rather than rules. You don't need your decisions vetted. People have your best interests at heart and want you to think about things; they're not interested in tearing you and your gf apart or making her fit in to their expectations.
> 
> Speak freely. Behave honorably. Listen openly. Be respectful enough to hear others, but respect yourself enough to dissent if, upon reflection, your difference of opinion still has your conviction.


Thank you for that Moxy


----------



## familyfirst09

moxy said:


> Do you think he was testing her to see if she was into him or seeing anyone else? A bit awkward, if so, but, some people might find that funny...a way to test the waters with levity.
> 
> I'm not into pranks and I'd have been annoyed, but, then, I'm a bit uptight about certain things that trigger my insecurities (ex cheated, lied, and manipulated).



I never thought of that, I always think negatively, and probably because of my past. At first my reaction after I found out it was a joke was maybe he was testing to see how I would react - like to see if I was gonna be a jealous fly off the handle b*tch. Which I didn't. It was "oh ok. Then I told him he was full of sh*t after the condom comment lol. And then told him even if he wasn't full of ****, honestly it wasn't my business. He is free to do as he chooses just as I am at this time. And that when he admitted he was joking, April fools. So I think I handled it well even tho I freaked out on the inside.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

What is everyone's opinions about a guy dating a woman six or seven years older? Ok? Weird? I think it has a little squick factor, myself....


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> What is everyone's opinions about a guy dating a woman six or seven years older? Ok? Weird? I think it has a little squick factor, myself....


2 of my closest friends are 8 yrs apart and getting married this summer. It's not weird...he is the older one though

I personally couldn't date anyone that much younger than me though unless it was casual only.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> What is everyone's opinions about a guy dating a woman six or seven years older? Ok? Weird? I think it has a little squick factor, myself....


In college I had a friend the exact same age as me who was dating a woman 20 years his senior. She was 45 at the time, and while she was slim and had a nicely shaped body her wrinkles and liver spots made her look 55. They moved in together and got engaged, I don't know if they married but they did break up eventually. We were all skeeved out a little.


----------



## COGypsy

I don't think that in and of itself an age difference like that is weird. That was about the age difference between my ex and I, although he was the older one between us. I think the big thing with an age difference is what stage of life the two people are at. For example, there is a pretty big difference in life, the universe and everything between a 20 year old and a 28 year old, regardless of who is older or younger. If you're talking about people in their 30's and on, then the gap doesn't lend itself to the same kind of disparities in point of view as long as there are common interests and goals.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> 2 of my closest friends are 8 yrs apart and getting married this summer. It's not weird...he is the older one though
> 
> I personally couldn't date anyone that much younger than me though unless it was casual only.


See I dont have the same issue when its the man that's older, hell, my X2 was WAY older than me. There is just something about the woman being more than like, 2-3years older that gives me a icky vibe. Like a mommy-little boy thing. >shudder<


----------



## Lon

Also, I had a serious crush on a woman the summer before last who was about 5 years older than I. I kind of like em older I think.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> What is everyone's opinions about a guy dating a woman six or seven years older? Ok? Weird? I think it has a little squick factor, myself....


That is so freakin HOT!:smthumbup:

I would love to date a 33yo. Ohh, maybe with that curvy to slightly voluptuous figure and a mom butt. Yeah, I'd make her feel young again.

It would be even better if she was 43.:FIREdevil:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> That is so freakin HOT!:smthumbup:
> 
> I would love to date a 33yo. Ohh, maybe with that curvy to slightly voluptuous figure and a mom butt. Yeah, I'd make her feel young again.
> 
> It would be even better if she was 43.:FIREdevil:


I'm 43, quit skeevin' me out!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm 43, quit skeevin' me out!


What are you going to do, spank me?


Alright I'm done.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> What is everyone's opinions about a guy dating a woman six or seven years older? Ok? Weird? I think it has a little squick factor, myself....


Why is there a a squick factor? Men get together with younger women often; does this also seem icky?


----------



## COGypsy

Actually, I would imagine that if I hadn't lucked into meeting Mr. Mantastic, I'd probably date younger guys rather than older, just given my tastes and interests. I am definitely not the homebody type and I don't date people with kids. The guys most likely to have anything in common with me are probably in their early to mid 30's (no kids) or their late 40's early 50's (kids gone). I'm saving the older guys for Jelly though!


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> See I dont have the same issue when its the man that's older, hell, my X2 was WAY older than me. There is just something about the woman being more than like, 2-3years older that gives me a icky vibe. Like a mommy-little boy thing. >shudder<


Wait a sec. Sometimes, there's no maternal vibe going on at all. Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher? 

Is there a paternal daddy-little girl thing going on with the reversed genders? 

I'm not sure I understand why women can be objectified but men can't be? Women can be powerful, dominant, and object-oriented, too. Also, not all younger men want to be taken care of or bossed around; sometimes, power balances out. 

What about same-sex couples. How do you feel about older men dating younger men? Older women dating younger ones?

I will admit that I find 10 years a less troubling age difference than 20 years, no matter the genders.


----------



## familyfirst09

My IT guy is 10 years younger...I dunno..ive dated older and can't say I see any difference. it's all about maturity level and life experience I think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> I'm saving the older guys for Jelly though!


HA!!!!!!!


----------



## Nsweet

You know why older women rock? They don't play stupid games and they are not hesitant to tell you what they want sexually. They can also be a little meaner, but you take the good with the bad and they're still pretty awesome. 

I'll take a smart b!tchy 30-smething who knows what she wants over a ditsy 20-something party girl who has no idea and no realist plan of what she wants out of life. 

And I seem to notice older women are so much easier to talk to. You don't have to bullsh!t and pretend to understand a bunch of stupid tv shows and bands. You can just talk about the best parts of the last few decades and handle your booze together.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> That is so freakin HOT!:smthumbup:
> ...
> Yeah, I'd make her feel young again.
> ...
> It would be even better if she was 43.:FIREdevil:


Yay for those answers! 

Women in their mid-30s without kids and with careers can sometimes find more in common with mid-20s men or mid-40s than with men more in Their 30s. Men in their 20s seem co(cksure and men in their 40s seem a bit more secure; men in their 30s seem more volatile from what I've seen, as they're governed by different motivations. Of course, I may be a wee bit biased.


----------



## Another Planet

What I have found in my people experience is that no matter what the age they are basically the same person inside just older age means more experiences then younger..usually, not always example bleacher is older then I and she hasn't done anything.


----------



## moxy

Age is less important than maturity, IMO.


----------



## Oldfaithful

familyfirst09 said:


> My IT guy is 10 years younger...I dunno..ive dated older and can't say I see any difference. it's all about maturity level and life experience I think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I don't think you should stop looking for people to date until you have been out on three good dates, and you feel a really good connection. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. 
At the same time I wouldn't tell men that, but why limit yourself to one person after only one date? It's just going to make you feel crazy when your relationship hasn't even come close to a level of monogamy yet.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I married 12 years older but no way would I do that now. Of course at almost 46 that would put the guy at 58. I just don't see myself having anything in common with someone that age at this point. Nor am I interested in anyone significantly younger but I seem to get hit up on dating sites by younger guys all of the time. I assume they have watched too many episodes of Desperate Housewives.


----------



## familyfirst09

Oldfaithful said:


> I don't think you should stop looking for people to date until you have been out on three good dates, and you feel a really good connection. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
> At the same time I wouldn't tell men that, but why limit yourself to one person after only one date? It's just going to make you feel crazy when your relationship hasn't even come close to a level of monogamy yet.



Oh this I am well aware of. I'm just not a serial dater. I can't date multiple people at once. I'd like to see where this goes and then if it doesn't, well then someone else will come along. If someone I am "dating" is dating others, well I cannot do anything about that but my choice is to not to. I will also not date someone who is sleeping with multiple people. I do have some boundaries, learning as I go 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

My guy is a little over three years younger than me. I dated someone 6 years older than me prior....i think I prefer younger.


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> I assume they have watched too many episodes of Desperate Housewives.


LOL. I like that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> I *married 12 years older but no way would I do that now. * Of course at almost 46 that would put the guy at 58. I just don't see myself having anything in common with someone that age at this point. Nor am I interested in anyone significantly younger but I seem to get hit up on dating sites by younger guys all of the time. I assume they have watched too many episodes of Desperate Housewives.


My ex will be turning 60 this year! That freaks me out now! He was 45 when we met. I could not do that now either, Enjoli. No way.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

How can they seem so wordly, sophisticated and interesting in their 30s and now turn into Mr. Smithers 20-30 years later? :rofl:

I want someone around my age who is willing to like music that is from this century, doesn't whine about their aches and feeling old (WTF? This is NOT old!) and doesn't need a S/M/T/W/T/F/S pill box to keep up with their medication.


----------



## ne9907

I admit it, I don't know what I want.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> My ex will be turning 60 this year! That freaks me out now! He was 45 when we met. I could not do that now either, Enjoli. No way.





EnjoliWoman said:


> How can they seem so wordly, sophisticated and interesting in their 30s and now turn into Mr. Smithers 20-30 years later? :rofl:
> 
> I want someone around my age who is willing to like music that is from this century, doesn't whine about their aches and feeling old (WTF? This is NOT old!) and doesn't need a S/M/T/W/T/F/S pill box to keep up with their medication.





ne9907 said:


> I admit it, I don't know what I want.


That's terrifying 0_0


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> That's terrifying 0_0


Which one?? :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I admit it, I don't know what I want.


Good God! We need to alert the media. 

*"Extra extra! Woman can't make up mind."*

Shocking!

Quick, is there anything else you would like to add? Are you often cold no matter what the weather? Are you temperamental and moody? Do you find it hard to stop thinking about appearance?

Damn is NE, inquiring minds need to know!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> How can they seem so wordly, sophisticated and interesting in their 30s and now turn into Mr. Smithers 20-30 years later? :rofl:
> 
> I want someone around my age who is willing to like music that is from this century, doesn't whine about their aches and feeling old (WTF? This is NOT old!) and doesn't need a S/M/T/W/T/F/S pill box to keep up with their medication.


My XH is 6 yrs older than me, but when we met he seemed like he was on my wavelength, but he got older exponentially while we were married while regressing emotionally. So right now, I'm more interested in someone who can keep up with me, in more ways than one. So I'm totally digging the younger men at the moment.

Speaking of which, I've lined up another first date! Drinks and dinner on Friday night with a 29-yr old PhD student.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Just got off a 3 hour skype call with IT guy. Having a breakfast date on Thursday. And he was totally testing to see where I stood after date 1. I'm quite sure we are on the same page 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

This dating stuff you all speak of sounds WAY to complicated!! I think I will just stay single and become a crazy old cat guy. lol
But if I were to date I would prefer someone with in a couple years of my age.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Good God! We need to alert the media.
> 
> *"Extra extra! Woman can't make up mind."*
> 
> Shocking!
> 
> Quick, is there anything else you would like to add? Are you often cold no matter what the weather? Are you temperamental and moody? Do you find it hard to stop thinking about appearance?
> 
> Damn is NE, inquiring minds need to know!
> 
> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


Smart ass!


----------



## RandomDude

If you find a woman who doesn't know what she wants the best course of action is just to give her space and withdraw emotionally. Sometimes that makes her decide she wants you! lol but regardless it's something she has to find out for herself.

There's plenty of them, and it's an unattractive quality. Not to mention continuing to date her while she is still confsued may just end up burning you.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> If you find a woman who doesn't know what she wants the best course of action is just to give her space and withdraw emotionally. Sometimes that makes her decide she wants you! lol but regardless it's something she has to find out for herself.
> 
> There's plenty of them, and it's an unattractive quality. Not to mention continuing to date her while she is still confsued may just end up burning you.


Totally agree. 
Btw I cancelled a date I had for Sunday because he is 6'4", I dont go for guys taker taller than 6 feet.
How is that for capricious?


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> If you find a woman who doesn't know what she wants the best course of action is just to give her space and withdraw emotionally. Sometimes that makes her decide she wants you! lol but regardless it's something she has to find out for herself.
> 
> There's plenty of them, and it's an unattractive quality. Not to mention continuing to date her while she is still confsued may just end up burning you.


OMG yes!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Totally agree.
> Btw I cancelled a date I had for Sunday because he is 6'4", I dont go for guys taker taller than 6 feet.
> How is that for capricious?


Really?!?! That's new to me.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> If you find a woman who doesn't know what she wants the best course of action is just to give her space and withdraw emotionally. Sometimes that makes her decide she wants you! lol but regardless it's something she has to find out for herself.
> 
> There's plenty of them, and it's an unattractive quality. Not to mention continuing to date her while she is still confsued may just end up burning you.





Another Planet said:


> OMG yes!


It's like an ...."ok...you don't want me, fine I don't want you"...and then you go do your own thing scenario.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Really?!?! That's new to me.


Haha
Are you being a smart ass too?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Haha
> Are you being a smart ass too?


No not at all! You cancelled a date because hes over 6 ft? What if he has a good personality! 
6'4" what if he has a big shlong?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> No not at all! You cancelled a date because hes over 6 ft? What if he has a good personality!
> 6'4" what if he has a big shlong?


Haha big shlong???
He does have a nice personality. My preference. I may not know what I want emotionally but physically is a different matter.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Haha big shlong???
> He does have a nice personality. My preference. I may not know what I want emotionally but physically is a different matter.


:whip: rawr go get em!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Haha big shlong???
> He does have a nice personality. My preference. I may not know what I want emotionally but physically is a different matter.


So are you a personality queen or a size queen?


----------



## RandomDude

Lady: Are you married?
Me: Not now
Lady: You must be a player then...


:slap:

WTF?
I swear I have to find out what's causing this vibe! 
Hell I'm even only dating one woman at the moment!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Lady: Are you married?
> Me: Not now
> Lady: You must be a player then...
> 
> 
> :slap:
> 
> WTF?
> I swear I have to find out what's causing this vibe!
> Hell I'm even only dating one woman at the moment!


You missed the perfect opportunity for an awesome comeback.

Lady says, _"you must be a player then"_.....

You say, _"Sure fooled you!..." _and then you put on your imaginary wedding ring and walk away. 


You gotta have fun with these b!tchy women or they will kill the fun of dating for you. Be ready for any insult and know how to counteract those mind game. You know what I'm saying? When you get a chance to confront one that was rude to you, you can tell her in your gayest lispy voice "not even if I was straight girlfriend".:rofl:

Btw, she accused you of being a player because she's either a payette herself or a real b!tch.


----------



## RandomDude

She was just a friend of one my mates whom I had dinner with in the group - not dating

Still, this isn't the first time I got accused =/
But this IS the first time I got accused of it simply because I'm no longer married 

She was corrected, but prevention is better than cure, I have to work on my vibe somehow so I don't give off such a poor first impression


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Lady: Are you married?
> Me: Not now
> Lady: You must be a player then...
> 
> 
> :slap:
> 
> WTF?
> I swear I have to find out what's causing this vibe!
> Hell I'm even only dating one woman at the moment!



Nah...I get this...I know in my neck of the woods a "older" guy who has been married and then gets a divorce are deemed a "playa" well because most of them are. So she was probably just feeling you out. We all have heard that once you are out of a LTR, people should or need to take time to "sow their oats". Guys have this rep (and women too). So she probably wanted to know if you are still in that stage or are ready for a relationship again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> See I dont have the same issue when its the man that's older, hell, my X2 was WAY older than me. There is just something about the woman being more than like, 2-3years older that gives me a icky vibe. Like a mommy-little boy thing. >shudder<



l don't like it when she's older myself . lt never looks right and it very rarely lasts. Not for just a few yrs but 20yrs or forever. Big issues there long term .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Shes 34.
> Maybe she wasn't exactly thinking with her brain at the moment also.
> 
> Alright you guys got me.....I don't have a fckn clue what I am doing.



How old did you think she was AP ?
ls this the one you were talking to a few mths ? How did you meet , how long was it before you saw pics ?

Only reason l ask is one l haven't had much time here lately but 2 , it sounds a lot like this situation with one l've been talking to for a while now but we haven't actually met. l've had my hands full :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> This dating stuff you all speak of sounds WAY to complicated!! I think I will just stay single and become a crazy old cat guy.


Preach!



Another Planet said:


> It's like an ...."ok...you don't want me, fine I don't want you"...and then you go do your own thing scenario.


Games. So annoying.



COGypsy said:


> The guys most likely to have anything in common with me are probably in their early to mid 30's (no kids) or their late 40's early 50's (kids gone). *I'm saving the older guys for Jelly though!*





vi_bride04 said:


> HA!!!!!!!


Aww. Thanks for thinking of/saving the older ones for me, guys!  

Idk. I have never been attracted to that much older til now. What is going on? I generally am into dudes my own age or a few yrs older (Mr Ex Jelly is 4 yrs my senior).



moxy said:


> Women in their mid-30s without kids and with careers can sometimes find more in common with mid-20s men or mid-40s than with men more in Their 30s. Men in their 20s seem co(cksure and men in their 40s seem a bit more secure


Interesting view. I am in my early 30s and the last dude I was jonesing for is in his late 40s.

Mini vent: one of my long-time girlfriends always posts pics of her friends up on her FB (we live hours away). I've noticed anytime I make a comment about one of them being hot (she has some hot male friends) she automatically comes at me with "Oh he's gay." or "Oh he's married. With two kids. " or "And he met his wife overseas while they were doing charity work." Ok, but so. I wasn't asking for life stories nor was I saying I wanted to hook up with them. Just appreciating beauty. Maybe she doesn't mean anything by it but I find it off-putting for some reason. I hardly ever date nor would I date someone that far away anyway AND plus...the bigger issue: i am NOT looking to hook up with her friends. WTH? I didn't even respond the last time she told me the story of how the dude met his wife. Like, really, I don't care. And if you know me at all, you know I have an aversion to marriage anyway. What gives?


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l don't like it when she's older myself . *lt never looks right and it very rarely lasts*. Big issues there long term .


Maybe for you. But that's not true for everyone. I know you have mentioned various times that you pretty much only date younger and from your posts it seems you place a lot of weight on the superficial, looks, physicality, etc. So maybe you are more into how good you "look" with someone versus substance?

Maybe I am wrong. It kinda seems to read that way, though.

There are tons of couples where the woman is older and it lasts til death do them part. (Or however long, etc). One size doesn't fit all.


----------



## lisab0105

Quick Question: Instant chatting on a dating site, yay or nay? 

Keep in mind, this is NOT a hook-up site. People on it will be looking for serious, monogamous relationships.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> Quick Question: Instant chatting on a dating site, yay or nay?
> 
> Keep in mind, this is NOT a hook-up site. People on it will be looking for serious, monogamous relationships.


Definite Yay.:smthumbup:

Instant chatting bridges the gap between PMs and texting.


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> Quick Question: Instant chatting on a dating site, yay or nay?
> 
> Keep in mind, this is NOT a hook-up site. People on it will be looking for serious, monogamous relationships.


Are you doing chat rooms? I like a chat room feature. Just can sit and observe interaction then decide who you want to talk to.


----------



## lisab0105

vi_bride04 said:


> Are you doing chat rooms? I like a chat room feature. Just can sit and observe interaction then decide who you want to talk to.


No chat rooms, there is a forum though...much like this one. 

Right now, regular email message, instant chat and a forum. There will be in person discussion/meet-up groups forming though, also as time goes on. 

I just wasn't sure if the instant chat was a good idea.


----------



## vi_bride04

Instant chat is good - if the feature can be turned on/off


----------



## Jellybeans

I say yay to the chatrooms, Lisab.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> Quick Question: Instant chatting on a dating site, yay or nay?
> 
> Keep in mind, this is NOT a hook-up site. People on it will be looking for serious, monogamous relationships.


yay!


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> How old did you think she was AP ?
> ls this the one you were talking to a few mths ? How did you meet , how long was it before you saw pics ?
> 
> Only reason l ask is one l haven't had much time here lately but 2 , it sounds a lot like this situation with one l've been talking to for a while now but we haven't actually met. l've had my hands full :rofl:


I knew how old she was the whole time. I saw pics from the start, I knew what she looked like. Honestly she kind of looks younger then 34 and actually hotter now then when she was younger...so that's a plus


----------



## unsure78

eh i never use the instant chat on match... but i like the forums thing


----------



## Another Planet

I woke up this morning and realized that I've had sex recently, not once but twice and a whole bunch of other stuff...and I'll probably be doing it again tonight lol


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I woke up this morning and realized that I've had sex recently, not once but twice and a whole bunch of other stuff...and I'll probably be doing it again tonight lol


this makes me sad..... i just want to kiss...
But good for you!


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> eh i never use the instant chat on match... but i like the forums thing


No offense Unsure, but you're really attractive. You don't have to use chat on dating sites. There's a lot of stuff you don't have to do.

The rest of us have to be funny and charming.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Instant chat yes, chatroom no.


----------



## Nsweet

Maybe she should create two options for chat rooms. One for adults looking to talk to other adults..... And another one for super sexy naked high drunk fun on camera masturbation time.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> No offense Unsure, but you're really attractive. You don't have to use chat on dating sites. There's a lot of stuff you don't have to do.
> 
> The rest of us have to be funny and charming.


Actually to some degree I find being attractive is not necessarily a help in the dating game...

I will say it makes it very easy to get dates... but one of my main concerns when dating someone is are they dating me because of who I am or is it just because of what I look like? I actually dont really post really good body shots of myself on online dating... I do this in order to try to not just get the guys looking for a hot girl... I have had a LOT of guys comment how much better I look in person than I do on my profile, that they didn't realize I was umm let us say so well proportioned....

There are always positive and negatives to things...


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> Maybe she should create two options for chat rooms. *One for adults looking to talk to other adults..... And another one for super sexy naked high drunk fun on camera masturbation time.*


lol NOT going to happen on my site NSweet, there are plenty of places for that stuff.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Actually to some degree I find being attractive is not necessarily a help in the dating game...
> 
> I will say it makes it very easy to get dates... but one of my main concerns when dating someone is are they dating me because of who I am or is it just because of what I look like? I actually dont really post really good body shots of myself on online dating... I do this in order to try to not just get the guys looking for a hot girl... I have had a LOT of guys comment how much better I look in person than I do on my profile, that they didn't realize I was umm let us say so well proportioned....
> 
> There are always positive and negatives to things...


Actually, I was just teasing you for being attractive. I didn't realize it was that difficult for you though. 

Maybe you should not post any pics to see if you can find a man who like you for what you have to say online, and who will fall in love with your personality before seeing what you look like. 

You know, like a reverse Catfish but instead of being some homely girl (or guy) you'll be a knockout. 

Wait a minute! Use a pic of how you dress for work.


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Actually to some degree I find being attractive is not necessarily a help in the dating game...
> 
> I will say it makes it very easy to get dates... but one of my main concerns when dating someone is are they dating me because of who I am or is it just because of what I look like?


:iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

*3Xnocharm
*
Have you had that avatar up for awhile? Cause I just posted that pic in another thread today! Funny!!! :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Actually, I was just teasing you for being attractive. I didn't realize it was that difficult for you though.
> 
> Maybe you should not post any pics to see if you can find a man who like you for what you have to say online, and who will fall in love with your personality before seeing what you look like.
> 
> You know, like a reverse Catfish but instead of being some homely girl (or guy) you'll be a knockout.
> 
> Wait a minute! Use a pic of how you dress for work.


I know you were teasing...

I actually have a pic of me up with not a stitch of makeup on... but part of the dating game is having some attraction both ways, so seeing what i look like is part of it...

and it doesn't really matter right now anymore... my profile is down 

Im pretty sure the future Mr Unsure (LOL) likes me for my smarts and being funny...looks dont last forever you know


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Quick Question: Instant chatting on a dating site, yay or nay?
> 
> Keep in mind, this is NOT a hook-up site. People on it will be looking for serious, monogamous relationships.


In my experience, nay. Nothing good ever came of chat, it was simply a way of needy people to get instant gratification and be heard NOW at all costs. Back when I was online dating I attempted to chat to a few women and they basically said upfront that they have no desire to IM, and promptly blocked me. Then in time I got a few IMs from ladies that I wasn't interested in at all and I didn't plan on spending my time on there writing polite messages knowing the other person is expecting some reply right away. I found the feature annoying to the point where I didn't even want to log in sometimes.


----------



## Nsweet

lisab0105 said:


> lol NOT going to happen on my site NSweet, there are plenty of places for that stuff.


You know I was only joking, right? Half joking.....

I've everything from guys and girls doing lines of blow and smoking weed online when they left their cameras on. A couple of really hot sl*ts that couldn't get a relationships to last... Big shocker. And like every Friday night you'd see a bunch of people sitting at their computers on this dating site drinking beers and looking really depressed. 

Hey there's an idea. You know these lonely single people are going to be online late at night over the weekends. They're depressed, they wish they had something going on, they're bored. You could find people to post in those threads late at night and keep everyone entertained and feeling good. 

I'm telling you I've been on several dating sites with the public chat rooms, and back then late Friday and Saturday nights we used to keep each other entertained.... Get this... We would post funny youtube videos back and forth. That's ll we would do when we weren't b!tching about anything else. And all of those members kept resubscribing every month and waiting through the dating pool.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> I know you were teasing...
> 
> I actually have a pic of me up with not a stitch of makeup on... but part of the dating game is having some attraction both ways, so seeing what i look like is part of it...
> 
> and it doesn't really matter right now anymore... my profile is down
> 
> Im pretty sure the future Mr Unsure (LOL) likes me for my smarts and being funny...looks dont last forever you know


I know he sounds awesome. I can't wait to hear what your DS thinks of him.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> . I can't wait to hear what your DS thinks of him.


HELL TO THE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... (LOL)

believe it not I attempt to practice what I preach... especially on that... 6 months to a year of dating for it to even be brought up to the table and both parties must be in agreement... I usually establish that rule on the first or second date...


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> In my experience, nay. Nothing good ever came of chat, it was simply a way of needy people to get instant gratification and be heard NOW at all costs. Back when I was online dating I attempted to chat to a few women and they basically said upfront that they have no desire to IM, and promptly blocked me. Then in time I got a few IMs from ladies that I wasn't interested in at all and I didn't plan on spending my time on there writing polite messages knowing the other person is expecting some reply right away. I found the feature annoying to the point where I didn't even want to log in sometimes.


That is kind of what I am afraid of, that people are going to be bombarded with unwanted IM's popping up. Not to mention, it does alleviate the perv's in disguise that want instant gratification chatting, if you catch my drift. 

I don't know, I am not sure the right answer to this.


----------



## lisab0105

Nsweet said:


> You know I was only joking, right? Half joking.....
> 
> I've everything from guys and girls doing lines of blow and smoking weed online when they left their cameras on. A couple of really hot sl*ts that couldn't get a relationships to last... Big shocker. And like every Friday night you'd see a bunch of people sitting at their computers on this dating site drinking beers and looking really depressed.
> 
> Hey there's an idea. You know these lonely single people are going to be online late at night over the weekends. They're depressed, they wish they had something going on, they're bored. You could find people to post in those threads late at night and keep everyone entertained and feeling good.
> 
> I'm telling you I've been on several dating sites with the public chat rooms, and back then late Friday and Saturday nights we used to keep each other entertained.... Get this... We would post funny youtube videos back and forth. That's ll we would do when we weren't b!tching about anything else. And all of those members kept resubscribing every month and waiting through the dating pool.


I know you were joking. 

And they can use the forum to entertain each other, you guys do a bang up job of doing that here


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> HELL TO THE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... (LOL)
> 
> believe it not I attempt to practice what I preach... especially on that... 6 months to a year of dating for it to even be brought up to the table and both parties must be in agreement... I usually establish that rule on the first or second date...


What? Oh you thought I meant now? Oh no, I was thinking more like in a year or so. 

Chill out super mom.


----------



## Lon

lisab0105 said:


> That is kind of what I am afraid of, that people are going to be bombarded with unwanted IM's popping up. Not to mention, it does alleviate the perv's in disguise that want instant gratification chatting, if you catch my drift.
> 
> I don't know, I am not sure the right answer to this.


The way I looked at it, is once I knew someone well enough to message, if they wanted to take it to the next level and instant message then we could exchange numbers and take it to text.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Actually to some degree I find being attractive is not necessarily a help in the dating game...
> 
> I will say it makes it very easy to get dates... but one of my main concerns when dating someone is are they dating me because of who I am or is it just because of what I look like? I actually dont really post really good body shots of myself on online dating... I do this in order to try to not just get the guys looking for a hot girl... I have had a LOT of guys comment how much better I look in person than I do on my profile, that they didn't realize I was umm let us say so well proportioned....
> 
> There are always positive and negatives to things...


I'll add this. (yes, i'm off work today and breezing the forums ) I found getting dates as a 35 year old with all his crap together was rather easy. Sifting through the manipulative B.S. from women that see you as a good catch........brutal. Guys do the same thing to people like unsure. It's rather stupid when you think about it and so [email protected] codependent or even shallow.

The whole thing made me very strict about sticking to my dealbreakers and asking questions before giving too much about myself. There is the trap of introducing the kids to quick when you are in about month 4 of dating because you really think you are getting to know someone, but that 6 month mark really is a big deal. 6 months of getting to see someone through life starts to really show their true colors.


----------



## unsure78

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii d2h


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii d2h



Hey! Glad to hear things are going well!


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Hey! Glad to hear things are going well!


Yea they are for now... still keeping my eyes open but hes a really good guy and im enjoying him  we will see how it all goes


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Yea they are for now... still keeping my eyes open but hes a really good guy and im enjoying him  we will see how it all goes


I like it. I'm 15-16 months into my relationship and still have that outlook! Just enjoying life for what it is.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> *3Xnocharm
> *
> Have you had that avatar up for awhile? Cause I just posted that pic in another thread today! Funny!!! :rofl:


I stole it from your post!


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha I saw it after I posted that.

It is so funny, right.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Haha I saw it after I posted that.
> 
> It is so funny, right.


Funny yet sad, because that is exactly me!


----------



## jpr

I never used the chat feature on online dating....but then...i have never really had a profile up for more than a week at a time.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Funny yet sad, because that is exactly me!


Me too!!


----------



## RandomDude

Waking up to my cat kissing me wanting food... *groan*


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Geez. I have seen TWO threads today here that mirror my stupid situation with NoChem. Nice to know I am not the only one, but still. Meh.


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> Actually to some degree I find being attractive is not necessarily a help in the dating game...
> 
> I will say it makes it very easy to get dates... but one of my main concerns when dating someone is are they dating me because of who I am or is it just because of what I look like? I actually dont really post really good body shots of myself on online dating... I do this in order to try to not just get the guys looking for a hot girl... I have had a LOT of guys comment how much better I look in person than I do on my profile, that they didn't realize I was umm let us say so well proportioned....
> 
> There are always positive and negatives to things...


I totally get this - one of the main reasons why I get uncomfortable with compliments. I want someone to want me for what's inside, not on the outside. I've never considered myself pretty or sexy but am told I am all the time. I'd rather be beautiful on the inside to someone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Hahahaha....
Hot people problem #117: "I get told too much how hot I am."




You have no sympathy for you 'hot people'. ....I'd love to have that problem.


----------



## Dollystanford

I want them to like both


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Maybe for you. But that's not true for everyone. I know you have mentioned various times that you pretty much only date younger and from your posts it seems you place a lot of weight on the superficial, looks, physicality, etc. So maybe you are more into how good you "look" with someone versus substance?
> 
> Maybe I am wrong. It kinda seems to read that way, though.
> 
> There are tons of couples where the woman is older and it lasts til death do them part. (Or however long, etc). One size doesn't fit all.



Nah l'm nothing like that , things just get twisted, blown out of proportion and misunderstood like most thinks internet.
l don't mean that refering to you or anything JB , it's just standard everyday internet interpretations.
Besides , everyone here are always going on about looks or bla bla .


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> This dating stuff you all speak of sounds WAY to complicated!! I think I will just stay single and become a crazy old cat guy. lol
> But if I were to date I would prefer someone with in a couple years of my age.



Yeah it's a bit of a crack up isn't it Rat . Think l was better off on the fence myself.

PS , l thought you were pretty busy yourself anyway Rat earlier on ?


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> Hahahaha....
> Hot people problem #117: "I get told too much how hot I am."
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You have no sympathy for you 'hot people'. ....I'd love to have that problem.


Ummm missy you fall in this category too... even though you say you dont 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I knew how old she was the whole time. I saw pics from the start, I knew what she looked like. Honestly she kind of looks younger then 34 and actually hotter now then when she was younger...so that's a plus



Ah right.
Yeah there's one l've just sorta been friends with since l opened my date site account.
lt's apart from T or Pocket Rocket , we've just kept chatting away on the side as friends really l've never asked her out or anything.
But she's really weird about a pic , still haven't seen her and she's very weird about her privacy or answering anything personal . 
But at the same time we've just had this funny sorta friendship going on. Been 6wks.
She still won't put in a pic but instead she reckons she's rather meet for coffee so that l see the real her [ whatever that means } , rather than some crap pic through a phone text .

She's a weird one with major security fears but she's great to talk to.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> eh i never use the instant chat on match... but i like the forums thing



Mines got instant chat and l thought it must've meant real chat but it's just more damn typing in this stupid tiny popup box.
You can hardly see it it's that small and it's jammed way down in the bottom corner it's BS.
And while your supposedly chatting these popups are popping up all over the fkg place - with a ding that goes of at the same time - drives you mad..
l didn't know what the hell these things were but apparently they're other people asking you if you wanna chat.
And you can't turn them off because when you chat all that's on auto it's bs,
Email or phone is 10x more relaxing .

The forum parts good though.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Funny yet sad, because that is exactly me!



How do you mean3x ? If that's not too personal a question 

PS , just saw your prof piccy trying to figure out what you meant and
you look like that really special person btw that sorta comes across in your posts - God l hope that sounded right !


----------



## FeministInPink

familyfirst09 said:


> I totally get this - one of the main reasons why I get uncomfortable with compliments. I want someone to want me for what's inside, not on the outside. I've never considered myself pretty or sexy but am told I am all the time. I'd rather be beautiful on the inside to someone.


Digging into my own issues here, but I never know what to say/do if someone tells me I'm beautiful or pretty. My mother conditioned me from a young age to think that I'm unattractive, so if someone says I'm pretty or beautiful, I immediately get suspicious and throw up walls, assuming they want something. But I WANT my partner to find me attractive and tell me so, because no one ever said that to me as a child.

It's kind of fvcked up, I know. I'm working on it


----------



## familyfirst09

FeministInPink said:


> Digging into my own issues here, but I never know what to say/do if someone tells me I'm beautiful or pretty. My mother conditioned me from a young age to think that I'm unattractive, so if someone says I'm pretty or beautiful, I immediately get suspicious and throw up walls, assuming they want something. But I WANT my partner to find me attractive and tell me so, because no one ever said that to me as a child.
> 
> It's kind of fvcked up, I know. I'm working on it


Yeah...this is what I mean...I automatically assume someone wants something. not everyone is a jerk lol. Its hard to re-train your brain tho eh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

I love it when people tell me I'm attractive (especially in the bedroom). Maybe they want something and are just flattering me (you can often tell when this is the case, based on the nature and quality and apparent sincerity of the compliments given), but, if so, there's something they want from me enough to flatter me -- in itself, that's kind of a compliment, or a subtly implied statement acknowledging one's power, both of which speak to similar needs for approval as comments about beauty. 

If I'm having a self-conscious day or don't like something about my appearance that day, I'm less likely to believe the words and might deflect the conversation. Otherwise, isn't it nice to be appreciated, now and again? I'm not vain, but I value diversity in aesthetic appreciation, as well as its expression.


----------



## Another Planet

Try being an attractive guy, it's terrible! :banghead:

No not really  Some times it sucks because I get treated like a party favor but whatever. 
Or people act like you get **** just handed to you...I'm not Brad Pitt or something jeez

No you know what actually happens? People get infatuated with you then after a couple months or so they lose interest and drop you...just about the time you start to build up some feelings.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Try being an attractive guy, it's terrible! :banghead:
> 
> No you know what actually happens? People get infatuated with you then after a couple months or so they lose interest and drop you...just about the time you start to build up some feelings.


Yeah, that sucks. When people see other people as objects, not recognizing that they have feelings and fears, hopes and desires, when all they see is the image of the self that is projected and it becomes apparent through their actions, it can be disheartening. One feels kind of invisible.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Digging into my own issues here, but I never know what to say/do if someone tells me I'm beautiful or pretty. My mother conditioned me from a young age to think that I'm unattractive, so if someone says I'm pretty or beautiful, I immediately get suspicious and throw up walls, assuming they want something. But I WANT my partner to find me attractive and tell me so, because no one ever said that to me as a child.
> 
> It's kind of fvcked up, I know. I'm working on it


OMG!!! I totally get this! I feel the same way!

I dont really believe when they tell me I am attractive, or beautiful, or pretty.... cute (maybe).

I normally just say "thank you"...

I have been chatting with one guy for a bit, even thoug he lives kinda far, he is always complimenting my looks....

I feel safer when i talk to men who are far away from me... why??
This guy is about 120 miles away.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> OMG!!! I totally get this! I feel the same way!
> 
> I dont really believe when they tell me I am attractive, or beautiful, or pretty.... cute (maybe).
> 
> I normally just say "thank you"...
> 
> I have been chatting with one guy for a bit, even thoug he lives kinda far, he is always complimenting my looks....
> 
> I feel safer when i talk to men who are far away from me... why??
> This guy is about 120 miles away.


Because most likey you are not actually ready to date so either you are picking emotionally unavailable men or ones that have some kinda physical barrier ie lives far away...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I love to be complimented while naked in the bedroom.

I don't care whether or not it is sincere. It is hot, and a total turn on.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I feel safer when i talk to men who are far away from me... why??
> This guy is about 120 miles away.


There's less pressure to rush things. Intimacy develops over time and isn't clouded by lust.

In a way this is what I saw happening between AP and his gf; they took it super slow.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> There's less pressure to rush things. Intimacy develops over time and isn't clouded by lust.
> 
> In a way this is what I saw happening between AP and his gf; they took it super slow.


But then there is a lot of fantasy involved, kinda almost like an EA... you build up what you think this person is like but they may not be that way irl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> But then there is a lot of fantasy involved, kinda almost like an EA... you build up what you think this person is like but they may not be that way irl
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


----------



## familyfirst09

jpr said:


> I love to be complimented while naked in the bedroom.
> 
> I don't care whether or not it is sincere. It is hot, and a total turn on.


This I will agree with. Totally different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> But then there is a lot of fantasy involved, kinda almost like an EA... you build up what you think this person is like but they may not be that way irl
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bah...been there done that


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> We seemed to just have the same values anf goals in life. He's funny as hell and I feel very relaxed around him. And he's very sweet as well. But my mind always goes to "is he legit??"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Omigod, how did I miss this one?? I was/am in the same exact situation. Freaky, really. My advice is to hold strictly to YOU. Do what makes you happy. Don't play games, don't second guess. Do what you want to do. He will either play...or he won't.

That's what I did. He played.

And wowza.

So, totally,not my type either.


----------



## jpr

I dated someone for close to a year....we hardly saw each other because of his crazy work schedule, and our crazy custody schedules. In text, he was great...and we meshed. We bantered all day long via text. We got to know.each other via text.....sort of in the abstract.

...but in real life, we hardly ever talked like that...so candidly . We didnt have a much fun in real life. I kept holding out...thinking that if I gave it more time, then we would eventually click in reality....as we did in the abstract.

It didn't happen. In a way, I wasted my time and his. ....because I was just waiting.

That is why I think it is good to meet sooner than later. That way you don't get so invested emotionally....and you are able to make a wiser and more rational judgement about your compatibilty.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> How do you mean3x ? If that's not too personal a question
> 
> PS , just saw your prof piccy trying to figure out what you meant and
> you look like that really special person btw that sorta comes across in your posts - God l hope that sounded right !


Aw, Whitehawk, that's about the sweetest thing someone has said to me in a while! 

Its me because my heart always rules. My heart does the stupidest things, it does not listen to my brain. Once my heart gets focused on what it wants, all bets are off, and my brain is always running after it, going "what the fvck are you doing??"


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> What is everyone's opinions about a guy dating a woman six or seven years older? Ok? Weird? I think it has a little squick factor, myself....


6 or 7 years is nothing! No problem with that. Now, 15 years yes...


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> Omigod, how did I miss this one?? I was/am in the same exact situation. Freaky, really. My advice is to hold strictly to YOU. Do what makes you happy. Don't play games, don't second guess. Do what you want to do. He will either play...or he won't.
> 
> That's what I did. He played.
> 
> And wowza.
> 
> So, totally,not my type either.



Well this guy seems like my type - we just spent another hour and a half on skype tonight and are having breakfast in the morning. He's very playful which I like and he has a few quirks which he shared which I like as well because I have quirks too (don't we all). I'm not going to give up "me" tho. I won't do that again. Balance is key.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

FF your post made me squeeeeel!!! 

 

So happy to see your progression in moving on and being happy.


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> Well this guy seems like my type - we just spent another hour and a half on skype tonight and are having breakfast in the morning. He's very playful which I like and he has a few quirks which he shared which I like as well because I have quirks too (don't we all). I'm not going to give up "me" tho. I won't do that again. Balance is key.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



excellent.


----------



## RandomDude

Cutie at lunch... got her number, looks like I've found my "option number 2" hehe, this one 5 yrs older than me though =/

But so yummy can't resist >.<


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Try being an attractive guy, it's terrible! :banghead:
> 
> No not really  Some times it sucks because I get treated like a party favor but whatever.
> Or people act like you get **** just handed to you...I'm not Brad Pitt or something jeez
> 
> No you know what actually happens? People get infatuated with you then after a couple months or so they lose interest and drop you...just about the time you start to build up some feelings.




Haha , you know what l also get - this voice/personality thing over the phone.
Women have always loved my voice and l think this personality thing on the phone .
lt's surreal , l feel like saying l could be Jack the fkg ripper yet your treating me like this on the phone when you don't even know me - it's very weird .

l still have no clue why, because l can't sing so my voice is not one of those silky smooth numbers or some extremely well spoken type .
And , on a recording to me it sounds terrible , l use to ask people l don't sound like that do l ? hate leaving a voice message, hate it.

But there ya go , who can figure em out. But l can pretty well get whatever l want over the phone as long as it's female - it's very weird, funny but weird.

Handy for date sites though, as soon as we phone they're in love. :smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

Those of you who are comfortable with hooking up with people: how often can one reasonably expect to get together with a FWB/FB? You see, I'm the sort of person that might want company every day, but I also don't want to get attached and such frequency implies a romantic attachment beyond the bedroom. Neither do I want to seem needy. This is new terrain for me, the casual thing, I mean. Easiest way for me so far has been to not act on my impulses and let my partner take the lead in initiating, so it's not an every day situation, but once in a while. However, I'm curious to hear what others think is conventional or typical. 

Lately, I'm exhausted all the time (too much work, I suppose), so I'm not actively seeking to complicate anything, just feeling a bit curious.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Those of you who are comfortable with hooking up with people: how often can one reasonably expect to get together with a FWB/FB? You see, I'm the sort of person that might want company every day, but I also don't want to get attached and such frequency implies a romantic attachment beyond the bedroom. Neither do I want to seem needy. This is new terrain for me, the casual thing, I mean. Easiest way for me so far has been to not act on my impulses and let my partner take the lead in initiating, so it's not an every day situation, but once in a while. However, I'm curious to hear what others think is conventional or typical.
> 
> Lately, I'm exhausted all the time (too much work, I suppose), so I'm not actively seeking to complicate anything, just feeling a bit curious.


Sex with a FWB everyday?

That's not a FWB, that's a relationship.


----------



## Oldfaithful

moxy said:


> Those of you who are comfortable with hooking up with people: how often can one reasonably expect to get together with a FWB/FB? You see, I'm the sort of person that might want company every day, but I also don't want to get attached and such frequency implies a romantic attachment beyond the bedroom. Neither do I want to seem needy. This is new terrain for me, the casual thing, I mean. Easiest way for me so far has been to not act on my impulses and let my partner take the lead in initiating, so it's not an every day situation, but once in a while. However, I'm curious to hear what others think is conventional or typical.
> 
> Lately, I'm exhausted all the time (too much work, I suppose), so I'm not actively seeking to complicate anything, just feeling a bit curious.



I wouldn't expect a male FWB to want to see each other more than once or twice a month. More than that and they feel like they have a girlfriend.


----------



## ne9907

Just got back from a bona fide date. It was great!! Hee is very open, nice, looks better than his tinder photos!
He already texted me haha, before I even got home! I mentioned I love tge beach and stars etc, he sent me a photo of the beach!
I like him.

And he asked me out to spend an evening at the beach for this weekend!


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Sex with a FWB everyday?
> 
> That's not a FWB, that's a relationship.





Oldfaithful said:


> I wouldn't expect a male FWB to want to see each other more than once or twice a month. More than that and they feel like they have a girlfriend.


Yikes. OK. I'll amend my impulses because I'm not looking for a GF situation (although, that's something to think about). Plenty of ways of managing one's own desire. Good to know the conventions.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Just got back from a bona fide date. It was great!! Hee is very open, nice, looks better than his tinder photos!
> He already texted me haha, before I even got home! I mentioned I love tge beach and stars etc, he sent me a photo of the beach!
> I like him.
> 
> And he asked me out to spend an evening at the beach for this weekend!


I'm glad that you had a good date.  I hope your next one also rocks.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Aw, Whitehawk, that's about the sweetest thing someone has said to me in a while!
> 
> Its me because my heart always rules. My heart does the stupidest things, it does not listen to my brain. Once my heart gets focused on what it wants, all bets are off, and my brain is always running after it, going "what the fvck are you doing??"




Oh yeah , l'm a real sweetheart :rofl:

Haha kinda obvious now that you put it that way 
But hey we pay the price at times l know it , same problem. But on the bright side the best people l've ever known personally and some of the best times ever had have been heart rulers :smthumbup:
They're passionate , alive , real, l love that !


----------



## RandomDude

> No not really  Some times it sucks because I get treated like a party favor but whatever.
> Or people act like you get **** just handed to you...I'm not Brad Pitt or something jeez
> 
> No you know what actually happens? People get infatuated with you then after a couple months or so they lose interest and drop you...just about the time you start to build up some feelings.


We're used as ego-boosts it seems, then left behind. And yup, they always assume we're spoiled by women at our feet :scratchhead:

It's interesting how attractiveness for men doesn't equate the same advantages as it does for women


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> We're used as ego-boosts it seems, then left behind. And yup, they always assume we're spoiled by women at our feet :scratchhead:
> 
> It's interesting how attractiveness for men doesn't equate the same advantages as it does for women


Yep! Just when you think someone is not doing it to you it shows up and you're just like really!?! It's like they are literally telling you that they can't be serious about you cause you are attractive 
I'm not just a pretty face  j/k

I am not really complaining, it sure makes for a lot of good times. I wouldn't mind not feeling like a party favor but I just don't put myself in those situations anymore I guess and I spend a lot of time alone now.
This ladies is how baby George Cloony's are born


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Yep! Just when you think someone is not doing it to you it shows up and you're just like really!?! It's like they are literally telling you that they can't be serious about you cause you are attractive
> I'm not just a pretty face  j/k
> 
> I am not really complaining, it sure makes for a lot of good times. I wouldn't mind not feeling like a party favor but I just don't put myself in those situations anymore I guess and I spend a lot of time alone now.
> This ladies is how baby George Cloony's are born


You and Random dude are too funny.  It's the whole schtick ''don't hate me because I am beautiful'' 

However, to be honest, I steer clear of guys I consider very good looking. Always have. I don't need the party favor aspect or the trophy aspect, and I may just have the feeling that they are more apt to be players. Plus, they just make me nervous...

You know what? I need to rethink this. I married a guy who I didn't consider that good looking (but I thought was super nice and had a ton of integrity) He turned out to be a major player who was also a narcissist.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> You and Random dude are too funny.  It's the whole schtick ''don't hate me because I am beautiful''
> 
> *However, to be honest, I steer clear of guys I consider very good looking. Always have. I don't need the party favor aspect or the trophy aspect, and I may just have the feeling that they are more apt to be players. Plus, they just make me nervous...*
> 
> You know what? I need to rethink this. I married a guy who I didn't consider that good looking (but I thought was super nice and had a ton of integrity) He turned out to be a major player who was also a narcissist.


SEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
It is literally not a joke! 

I know there's someone out there for me.
I had a great time again last night by the way. I can't believe the chemistry.


----------



## unsure78

Fenix said:


> You and Random dude are too funny.  It's the whole schtick ''don't hate me because I am beautiful''
> 
> However, to be honest, I steer clear of guys I consider very good looking. Always have. I don't need the party favor aspect or the trophy aspect, and I may just have the feeling that they are more apt to be players. Plus, they just make me nervous...
> 
> You know what? I need to rethink this. I married a guy who I didn't consider that good looking (but I thought was super nice and had a ton of integrity) He turned out to be a major player who was also a narcissist.


Unfortunately Fenix my experience of really hot guys has been "player" 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Unfortunately Fenix my experience of really hot guys has been "player"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This has pretty much been my experience of all guys. Realizing that made me aware that I have troubling decision-making skills when it comes to romance.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> This has pretty much been my experience of all guys. Realizing that made me aware that I have troubling decision-making skills when it comes to romance.


Actually im with you on that moxy... I have not had one truly postive experiance with a guy that ive went beyond just a couple dates with .

The current has been good but its still early. .. lol I have a damaged picker
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Unfortunately Fenix my experience of really hot guys has been "player"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





moxy said:


> This has pretty much been my experience of all guys. Realizing that made me aware that I have troubling decision-making skills when it comes to romance.





unsure78 said:


> Actually im with you on that moxy... I have not had one truly postive experiance with a guy that ive went beyond just a couple dates with .
> 
> The current has been good but its still early. .. lol I have a damaged picker
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Is there no hope?!
I'm not a player!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Is there no hope?!
> I'm not a player!


Lol Another... at least what im saying about my situation that not all hot guys are players but the ones that I pick are... the guys im attracted too, hot or not quite as hot, tend to end up being selfish a$$es... I pick them because Im broken due to my childhood experiences. .. this is why I try to institute guidlines or red flag rules while dating
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Was thinking that as much as I post in this thread, I really don't do any dating. Or that much dating. 

Let's see. I briefly dated one dude who was best friends with his ex and she was part of our dating experience (he never shut up about her/always hung out with her), so no. There was long distance guy who was kind but I wasn't ever going to move there (though I think he would have move here) and I decided long-distance isn't for me. Then there was Social Media Guy. Then there was Grandpa (who we also went out this year).

I guess that sounds like I've at least dipped my toesl but it's really not when you think that long distance guy I only saw once last yr (though we Skyped forever); only went out with Stalker twice and he to this day is still in love with me; and Grandpa and I went out way more and then he's Houdini now. 

I am maybe not good at this dating thing. Or maybe it's just not my time. It's been 3 yrs since my divorce and I have not had a relationship (a bona fide one) since. 

I would like to have sex. I am getting discouraged and sort of wondering what my lot in life is...or rather, thinking mayve relationships just aren't for me. Maybe my marriage was my one big relationship and it may not happen again. This doesn't necessarily make me feel happy but it makes me feel strange. It feels like a struggle. I don't know what I am saying here just that well, I think these things only happen for me every blue moon anyway. Maybe it's just not my time. I want to meet someone again some day who I have a lot of beautiful sex with and who likes me as much as I like them. No someone who stalks me after only two dates or makes me think they are super into me only to fade out. I guess I am just confused and feeling like what am I doing?


----------



## unsure78

Jelly I think you just need to put yourself out there more...even if it means the dreaded online dating lol..... 

So I totally get discouraged sometimes thinking that I will never find anyone... my therapist said to me, no I know you will find someone. .. asked her why she thought that.... she said cause you keep putting yourself out there.... 

I mean I went on a million first dates in the last year, only 3 guys made it past the third date, and only one have I been in a real "relationship" with....I could very easily get discouraged with that but I instead try again (though i take dating breaks too)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Jelly I think you just need to put yourself out there more...even if it means the dreaded online dating lol.....
> 
> So I totally get discouraged sometimes thinking that I will never find anyone... my therapist said to me, no I know you will find someone. .. asked her why she thought that.... she said cause you keep putting yourself out there....
> 
> I mean I went on a million first dates in the last year, only 3 guys made it past the third date, and only one have I been in a real "relationship" with....I could very easily get discouraged with that but I instead try again (though i take dating breaks too)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What don't you now like about new guy?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> However, to be honest, I steer clear of guys I consider very good looking. Always have. I don't need the party favor aspect or the trophy aspect, and I may just have the feeling that they are more apt to be players. Plus, they just make me nervous...


Ditto... and I realize this is MY problem, but I'm suspicious as to why a "10" would be interested in me, a "6". I'm suspicious that they are just players looking for another notch in their bedpost and think someone who doesn't get hit on as much will be desperate and appreciative. When I drop this weight I'll probably feel a lot better about that as I'll be closer to an 8 but I'm still suspicious.



Fenix said:


> You know what? I need to rethink this. I married a guy who I didn't consider that good looking (but I thought was super nice and had a ton of integrity) He turned out to be a major player who was also a narcissist.


Ex was kind of good looking but not in a typical way - I would say he just had very strong, masculine features and I do love a strong jaw line. (weird, I know) And he was still pretty muscular with a bit of a tum but not much. In his head he was still a ripped 20-something. 

Point is, I think NPDs can be any level of attractiveness since it's usually the result of a lack of bonding in formative years or cultural/doting behaviors of parents.


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## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> What don't you now like about new guy?


Oh I still like him very much. .. he is the only one I would consider as being in a relationship with in the last year... actually I have been very impressed with him thus far... heheheh hes my boyfriend 

That conversation I had with my therapist was like two months ago before I met the future mr unsure. ....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

Hahahaha...RD and AP.

You guys certainly have a healthy ego.

I think I may have stated this before, but I have found that my compability with someone is inversely proportional to thr amount of time/money they spend on how they look.

I am turned off by fancy cars....fancy watches...hair gel....designer jeans.....guys who obsessly talk about working out.

Sure. Looks matter. But those guys that exude that attitude, "Look at me! I am so hot and so buff. I am so handsome. Worship me."....it just doesnt do it for me.

I am mostly attracted to realness and goodness. A humble personality in a guy is super attractive to me.

My guy is an attractive guy. But he is not obsessed with working out...or appearances. He is a gueninely good person....he is becoming a partner to me. ....fitting into my lifestyle.

To me, the ideal partner is someone you cant wait to come home to each night. For me, it is someone who will sit outside with me in the evenings drinking a beer and venting about our days at work. ....playing with my son and dog outside as the sun goes down...with the baseball game on the radio in the background. ...being goofy and laughing all evening long. 
Simple things. Nothing is high maintainence. 


I have found that person...And while integrating someone into your world can be a little challenging at tinges, it is worth it. It is wonderful....ultimately.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> Hahahaha...RD and AP.
> 
> You guys certainly have a healthy ego.
> 
> I think I may have stated this before, but I have found that my compability with someone is inversely proportional to thr amount of time/money they spend on how they look.
> 
> *I am turned off by fancy cars....fancy watches...hair gel....designer jeans.....guys who obsessly talk about working out.
> 
> Sure. Looks matter. But those guys that exude that attitude, "Look at me! I am so hot and so buff. I am so handsome. Worship me."....it just doesnt do it for me.
> 
> I am mostly attracted to realness and goodness. A humble personality in a guy is super attractive to me.
> *
> My guy is an attractive guy. But he is not obsessed with working out...or appearances. He is a gueninely good person....he is becoming a partner to me. ....fitting into my lifestyle.
> 
> *To me, the ideal partner is someone you cant wait to come home to each night. For me, it is someone who will sit outside with me in the evenings drinking a beer and venting about our days at work. ....playing with my son and dog outside as the sun goes down...with the baseball game on the radio in the background. ...being goofy and laughing all evening long.
> Simple things. Nothing is high maintainence*.
> 
> 
> I have found that person...And while integrating someone into your world can be a little challenging at tinges, it is worth it. It is wonderful....ultimately.


We look for the same things, JPR, this is exactly what I want.


----------



## lisab0105

Fenix said:


> You and Random dude are too funny.  It's the whole schtick ''don't hate me because I am beautiful''
> 
> However, to be honest, I steer clear of guys I consider very good looking. Always have. I don't need the party favor aspect or the trophy aspect, and I may just have the feeling that they are more apt to be players. Plus, they just make me nervous...
> 
> You know what? I need to rethink this. I married a guy who I didn't consider that good looking (but I thought was super nice and had a ton of integrity) He turned out to be a major player who was also a narcissist.


I trained myself along time ago to NOT be attracted to the super good looking guys because 1. The ones I have met are incredibly stuck up. 2. They wouldn't be into me anyway. I am pretty, but I have never been looked at twice by a super beautiful guy. Not trying to be down on myself, it's just the facts.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> We're used as ego-boosts it seems, then left behind. And yup, they always assume we're spoiled by women at our feet :scratchhead:
> 
> It's interesting how attractiveness for men doesn't equate the same advantages as it does for women


Ex husband was and still is very attractive...nm... not touching this pandora's box.

Anyway, before marriage, i always dated good looking men. Not all were players.

My date last night was hot, he has the prettiest blue eyes I have seen in a very long time, plus really white teeth!


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## unsure78

I do agree with jpr, the few that ive dated that are like superhero body quality all they talk about is working out and eating restrictions.... which is kinda boring
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

I never saw Mr. Ex Jelly as a player and he is very very good looking. Can dress his ass off, too. Yes, we had our issues and we both did dumb things but player isn't a word I would have used for him when we were together.


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## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ditto... and I realize this is MY problem, *but I'm suspicious as to why a "10" would be interested in me, a "6". *I'm suspicious that they are just players looking for another notch in their bedpost and think someone who doesn't get hit on as much will be desperate and appreciative. When I drop this weight I'll probably feel a lot better about that as I'll be closer to an 8 but I'm still suspicious.
> 
> 
> 
> Ex was kind of good looking but not in a typical way - I would say he just had very strong, masculine features and I do love a strong jaw line. (weird, I know) And he was still pretty muscular with a bit of a tum but not much. In his head he was still a ripped 20-something.
> 
> Point is, I think NPDs can be any level of attractiveness since it's usually the result of a lack of bonding in formative years or cultural/doting behaviors of parents.


Bolded part made me sad because I too, have felt this way. But Enjoli, if they are truly a 10 why would they bother with a 6?? as you put it!!

They must see something they like in you! Also remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

AP, dont get offended Ok, but I am going to use you and Bleacher as an example. You (by your own admission) feel as if you are a 10..... In my opinion Bleacher is a solid 7, could possibly be a 8.... Why are you with her??

My point is, looks do not mean everything.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> I trained myself along time ago to NOT be attracted to the super good looking guys because 1. The ones I have met are incredibly stuck up. 2. They wouldn't be into me anyway. I am pretty, but I have never been looked at twice by a super beautiful guy. Not trying to be down on myself, it's just the facts.


I hate stuck up guys! But I have lucky I guess, a lot of super hot guys are into me. I think it is because I am Mexican and i look exotic....


----------



## Jellybeans

I didn't know you were a latina, Ne! For some reason I thought you were black or asian or mixed black and asian.  Exotic is fun.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Bolded part made me sad because I too, have felt this way. But Enjoli, if they are truly a 10 why would they bother with a 6?? as you put it!!
> 
> They must see something they like in you! Also remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> AP, dont get offended Ok, but I am going to use you and Bleacher as an example. You (by your own admission) feel as if you are a 10..... In my opinion Bleacher is a solid 7, could possibly be a 8.... Why are you with her??
> 
> My point is, looks do not mean everything.


I am not a 10, just because women are attracted to me and I am aware of it does not mean I'm a 10. I don't know what number I am that is up to women to decide.
I would have to say we are pretty evenly matched her and I.
Looks do not mean everything. Although it is a new twist for me to be with a big boobed and butt woman.
As long as I am physically attracted to you and we have chemistry is all that matters to me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> guys who obsessly talk about working out.
> 
> But he is not obsessed with working out


C'mon.....being obsessed with making sure your body is completely healthy and performing is not bad.

I am totally obsessed with working out and talking about it, but it has nothing to do with looks...... A whole person is made up of three parts: mind, body, and soul. So, I am obsessed with making sure that each 33.3333% of me is on it. 

I think it comes back to balance. If you don't have balance in your life, eventually there will be corrosion whether that be in the form of corrosion in your relationships, career, or health.

Of course, I could be jaded. Many people who don't really spend time on their body and taking care of it make jokes about people who do or have some kind of negative judgemental attitude about people who are passionate about it. It isn't about the outward appearance......it's about putting up 25 more pounds on the 1 rep squat max than you did six weeks ago. It takes discipline, and the rewards are far more spiritual to yourself than you can ever imagine. Crap, I received at least 10 hugs/hanshakes/etc. from people at crossfit last night because of it. It felt good. There was a feeling of achievement. 

I believe the people who are obsessive about working out would tell you it's more about the overcoming of mental and physical obstacles than it is about looks. Sure, it's nice to look good, but that is just a side bonus. Vain people are vain. Period.......working out or not.

I spend about 300 dollars per month on membership, work out clothes, supplements, and gear in my garage. It is not about looks..........it's about the fact I am the only male in my dad's family not to be on high blood pressure meds, (I was 5 years ago), it's about the fact I don't project work stress onto my gf like I did my x wife because it get's released in the gym, it's about the fact I can be a better partner in life because I have more confidence and more security in who I am as a man, (which translates crazy well into the bedroom btw).......

Anyway, sorry for the rant. But, it just sounded like you were making the connection of "obsessed about working out= vanity"


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## Lon

D2H, the mind body and soul ratio is all out of whack when most of what the mind and soul are doing is centered around the body. Most gym rats eat sleep and breathe fitness and exercise. Which to me is obsessive and no healthier than any other obsession.


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## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> D2H, the mind body and soul ratio is all out of whack when most of what the mind and soul are doing is centered around the body. Most gym rats eat sleep and breathe fitness and exercise. Which to me is obsessive and no healthier than any other obsession.


It's all a matter of perception. Your definition of eat, sleep, and breathe fitness and exercise is more than likely much different than mine. I'm in the gym 5 times a week plus usually a trail run mixed in there. It is vitally important to every other part of me that I get those in............

I know people that eat sleep and breathe fitness.......try two a days 3 out of the 6 days they are in the gym per week. 

One thing I learned in IC, you must do an activity for each every day......mind, body, soul. So, I also get in reading among some other things. However, the first order of business with almost every man (99.9%) I work with in marriage problems or post divorce is there severe lack of exercise. It is central to a man.

I would say it is less than 20 pct of people I see that I would considered over the top to what they should be to remain balanced. Truth is, as a man, you have to work out 4-5 times per week to truly have equilibrium in regards to hormones/health/ self confidence. If society deems that as unbalanced, we need to do a better job of educating society. OR...society is lazy as frick.


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## RandomDude

Fenix said:


> However, to be honest, I steer clear of guys I consider very good looking. Always have. I don't need the party favor aspect or the trophy aspect, and I may just have the feeling that they are more apt to be players. Plus, they just make me nervous...





unsure78 said:


> Unfortunately Fenix my experience of really hot guys has been "player"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And this is another reason why I've been forced throughout my life to settle with FWBs... BAH! Not to mention I wasn't very established when I was younger without a degree.

So hey, as I wasn't LTR material - RIDE AND RUN! *sigh*
Times like this makes me look back at my ex sometimes...

Just hope my current date won't end up being another number... *touchwood*
Or maybe she does see me as LTR because unlike in the past, I actually have $$$ now... PFFFT! 

-.-


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## unsure78

Yea one guy was 7 days a week with the workout. .. but he owned his own gym so that made it a little easier he would work out at work...lol though I found it amusing that even though he owned his own gym he would work out at a diffrent gym... but he had no kids so he had plenty of free time...

Another one would work out 3 times a day... and had kids.. all he did was workout, no free time

To each their own, everyone has their own needs and balance
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Yea one guy was 7 days a week with the workout. .. but he owned his own gym so that made it a little easier he would work out at work...lol though I found it amusing that even though he owned his own gym he would work out at a diffrent gym... but he had no kids so he had plenty of free time...
> 
> Another one would work out 3 times a day... and had kids.. all he did was workout, no free time
> 
> To each their own, everyone has their own needs and balance
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Funny thing is that it doesn't take that much time to achieve the "vanity" side of things from a body perspective. I have an extremely strict diet.....but it isn't due to vanity. It's due to being able to compete against myself in the gym. If I don't eat right, I won't be able to beat my time/weight lifted from before. 

Men are extremely physical creatures....if we don't do 4-5 times a week of good workload, we lose ourselves. (become codependent, lower testosterone, more emotional) Basically, over time........unfreakingattractive.


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## unsure78

Lol I do need the fit enough for some good stamina though..and maybe toss me around a bit....hehehhehe 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

jpr said:


> Hahahaha...RD and AP.
> 
> You guys certainly have a healthy ego.
> 
> I think I may have stated this before, but I have found that my compability with someone is inversely proportional to thr amount of time/money they spend on how they look.
> 
> *I am turned off by fancy cars....fancy watches...hair gel....designer jeans.....guys who obsessly talk about working out.*
> 
> Sure. Looks matter. But those guys that exude that attitude, "Look at me! I am so hot and so buff. I am so handsome. Worship me."....it just doesnt do it for me.
> 
> I am mostly attracted to realness and goodness. A humble personality in a guy is super attractive to me.
> 
> My guy is an attractive guy. But he is not obsessed with working out...or appearances. He is a gueninely good person....he is becoming a partner to me. ....fitting into my lifestyle.
> 
> To me, the ideal partner is someone you cant wait to come home to each night. For me, it is someone who will sit outside with me in the evenings drinking a beer and venting about our days at work. ....playing with my son and dog outside as the sun goes down...with the baseball game on the radio in the background. ...being goofy and laughing all evening long.
> Simple things. Nothing is high maintainence.
> 
> 
> I have found that person...And while integrating someone into your world can be a little challenging at tinges, it is worth it. It is wonderful....ultimately.


This type of guy also says to me, "I'm materialistic and superficial. I'm more interested in appearance than substance. I waste my money on over-priced stuff because I'm insecure, and this is how I try to fill the empty space inside, and I care way too much about what other people think of me."

Yeah, that's somebody that I would enjoy spending time with; a complete pea**** 

Yeah, I want a guy who takes a little bit of pride in his appearance. It's a reflection of how a person feels about himself/herself. I make an effort to look good, and I know that I look a certain way because that's how I perceive myself; I would expect the same of a partner. I want someone who is confident and secure in himself, and that kind of man will be put together, because 1) he respects himself not to walk out of the house in a stained or ripped shirt, and 2) if we're together, he respects me enough to want to look good for me.

It's actually super important to me. Voldemort would intentionally not brush his teeth or shower, and dress in ripped/stained/filthy/smelly clothing whenever he went anywhere in public with me. Don't even get me started on his facial hair choices. It was completely humiliating, and I'm sure that's why he did it. I'm not going to put up with that sh!t again.

So, not only was my ex an NPD, he was also a disgusting pig. Go figure.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, I want a guy who takes a little bit of pride in his appearance. It's a reflection of how a person feels about himself/herself. I make an effort to look good, and I know that I look a certain way because that's how I perceive myself; I would expect the same of a partner. I want someone who is confident and secure in himself, and that kind of man will be put together, because 1) he respects himself not to walk out of the house in a stained or ripped shirt, and 2) if we're together, he respects me enough to want to look good for me.
> 
> It's actually super important to me. Voldemort would intentionally not brush his teeth or shower, and dress in ripped/stained/filthy/smelly clothing whenever he went anywhere in public with me. Don't even get me started on his facial hair choices. It was completely humiliating, and I'm sure that's why he did it. I'm not going to put up with that sh!t again.
> 
> So, not only was my ex an NPD, he was also a disgusting pig. Go figure.


Craziness. I couldn't imagine going out in public looking like a bum.


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## EnjoliWoman

I don't know about material things filling a void.

Sometimes it's a quality thing. A BMW is a better quality vehicle than a Kia. Even just riding in one you can feel it. Good quality shoes made of real leather can be resoled and last for years but cost several hundred dollars versus a loafer bought at Famous Footwear. Just like a Wolf range and sub zero fridge are higher quality than the GE version. I think there is a grey area there. 

I really enjoyed dating the one guy who had a new 7-series BMW, wore blazers with sports shirts and nice leather shoes and we went to higher end restaurants - and in a high end restaurant the food is amazing (read: quality) and the portions are smaller because that's really what is appropriate. 

For him it was quality. He liked nice stuff because he enjoyed it. There is usually a point where you don't get much more quality for your money and I think that is where it gets ridiculous and is more for ego stroking.


----------



## Jellybeans

I agree with your post, Enjo.



FeministInPink said:


> Voldemort would intentionally not brush his teeth or shower, and dress in ripped/stained/filthy/smelly clothing whenever he went anywhere in public with me.


This is totally disgusting.  I hope you meet a man who is super into hygiene and showering, feminist! Lol.

I admit, I am a sucker for a well-dressed man. I love it. I love a man who knows what looks good on him and wears it. A man who takes pride in his appearance is great.


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## jpr

D2h...you and I would not be a good match. 

I think that lifestyle is boring and self serving. 

I couldn't be with someone with such a rigid schedule and diet. I am sure it works for you....

But I would want to be with someone who would be willing to skip the gym and go volunteer with me at the spca.... Or skip the gym and go help a friend move,and be willing to celebrate with pizza and beer. 

It is cool that working out,and competing with yourself makes you happy. ...but that life is not for me.


I am athlectic....i can run 5-6 miles a few times a week with no problems. I love to socialize and play sports. But, I think spending 7 days a week in the gym is boring....and strict diets are no fun.

I prefer to use my free time in other ways...ways that are more meaningful to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am one of those people who enjoys the gym, a good work out and eating right. Bleieve, me, I like eating bad too but that is why I exercise consistently--cause I am a foodie! It doesn't take over my life though, it's just a steady party of my life, weekly. I admit, I would not be into a man who was obsese/grossly overweight. I have never been. It would not turn me on.


----------



## Another Planet

Mix what enjoli and jpr said together and that's me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Mix what enjoli and jpr said together and that's me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How YOU doin'?


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> How YOU doin'?


Lol 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> I think that lifestyle is boring and self serving.


LOL. Let's see. Today's schedule--- 6 am wake up. 7 am make 6 eggs with andouille sausage/spinach/red bell peppers for me and the gf. 745 leave for work. 12:00pm lunch meeting with a guy I am helping with his marriage. 4:00pm leave work head to gym. 5:00-6:15 workout. 6:15-6:30 head to soccer practice for my kids and eat on the way 6:30-7:30 coach my kids soccer team 7:30 until ???? Head to gf's neighborhood for backyard gathering full of drinks and fun. 

yep. sounds boring and self serving.


----------



## jpr

Sorry if I offended you, dedicated. 

...it sounds like you lead a very busy and fullfilling life. 


That wasnt exactly how you described your lifestyle in your post directed at unsure. 

You said you had a super strict diet and were obsessed with the gym.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

And, I'm saying this to show you that you can't judge. It is very possible to be balanced, take care of yourself, eat well, look and feel great, and be a fun and cool person.

Just because working out is such a big part of a person's life, doesn't mean other things aren't. Next weekend I'm going camping. (I'll do a trail run with pushups, burpees, etc on Saturday) Next week, a braves game....(I'll just workout in the morning that day). I just don't make excuses to not getting it done. 

And, the reason I eat strict, is that the food in America is absolutely ABYSMAL in terms of nutrition.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> Sorry if I offended you, dedicated.
> 
> ...it sounds like you lead a very busy and fullfilling life.
> 
> 
> That wasnt exactly how you described your lifestyle in your post directed at unsure.
> 
> You said you had a super strict diet and were obsessed with the gym.


I AM obsessed with the gym. I talk about it ALL THE TIME. But, it is used in a way to inspire others to be better and educate them. My diet is obscenely strict, with the exception of beer. AND, I can indulge in that tonight, specifically if I have hit the gym hard.....which I will. Crazy thing is.... I just don't think a lot of the crap I used to eat taste good anymore. I eat so clean that my preferences have changed. 

It is such a huge part of my life.....as most people I spend a lot of time with are the same way. But, we are a LOT of fun.....just gym rats at the same time.


----------



## jpr

I guess my philisophy is that life is too short to be obsessed with anything. 


I plan on thoroughly enjoying an order of fried pickles and a few draft beers tomorrow night. ....and I am thankful that my boyfriend will not be pointing out how abysmal the food I am stuffing in my mouth is. ...he will be enjoying it with me. 



All I am saying is that I enjoy a more relaxed lifestyle. That is what I am attracted to. 

....I know a lot of people are attracted to hard bodies....or extremely driven personalities. 

I am not. I find enjoyment in a much different lifestyle.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> I AM obsessed with the gym. I talk about it ALL THE TIME.


Yeah this would drive me batty. No offense.


----------



## jpr

Yeah....i have a friend like that. She thinks it is her duty in life to inspire others to be healthy. All her Facebook posts are about how to cook brussel sprouts or how to do a proper plank. 

I know she is into that stuff...and that is cool. But, what she is doing isnt exactly inspiring...it is preaching. And it is sort of annoying. 

I like her, and understand her obsession....but most people are put off by that attitude of perfection.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> Yeah....i have a friend like that. She thinks it is her duty in life to inspire others to be healthy. All her Facebook posts are about how to cook brussel sprouts or how to do a proper plank.
> 
> I know she is into that stuff...and that is cool. * But, what she is doing isnt exactly inspiring...it is preaching. And it is sort of annoying. *
> 
> I like her, and understand her obsession....but most people are put off by that attitude of perfection.


OMG yes! My ex bf is like this, PREACHY!! The worst part is that he barely practices what he preaches!  We work together so I hear him all the time telling other people what they should be doing. Makes me want to slap him.


----------



## unsure78

* As Unsure eats her third piece of choclate éclair cake this morning while reading about everyone going to the gym*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> OMG yes! My ex bf is like this, PREACHY!! The worst part is that he barely practices what he preaches!  We work together so I hear him all the time telling other people what they should be doing. Makes me want to slap him.


Ha! A lot like my ex. In his younger days he was a fitness fanatic, was very muscular and a personal trainer for nautilus. Loved loved loved his all natural protein shakes and "nutritional supplements" (don't ever use the generic term "vitamins"!). But when WE met, he was in his 30s, had softened up a bit but still preached it. Telling me all about the women he used to train, how they get more and more beautiful as they train, then coming up behind me and grabbing my hips and shaking it pointing out how much it jiggled and weighing me, measuring my arms and telling me he didn't marry a fat woman and wouldn't have a fat wife... all while his round belly protruded. From his words alone you'd think he was still a hard body.

I swear that's half the reason I haven't cared about putting on weight. To shield me from people like him and to reassure me that anyone who loves me at a size 16 will love me at a size 8 whereas he loved me (as much as an NPD can) at a size 8 but not above a size 12.:scratchhead:

But now I refuse to hide behind it any more and I actually have a container of protein powder on my counter!  But I have no desire to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about food or exercise besides a little chatting with the girls about recipes or other tips.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> I AM obsessed with the gym. I talk about it ALL THE TIME. But, it is used in a way to inspire others to be better and educate them. My diet is obscenely strict, with the exception of beer. AND, I can indulge in that tonight, specifically if I have hit the gym hard.....which I will. Crazy thing is.... I just don't think a lot of the crap I used to eat taste good anymore. I eat so clean that my preferences have changed.
> 
> It is such a huge part of my life.....as most people I spend a lot of time with are the same way. But, we are a LOT of fun.....just gym rats at the same time.


I get up at 5:15 am, crack 3 whole eggs and 3 egg whites. 12 oz of skim milk and add whey. Every.Morning.

First snack is spinach, half a grapefruit, half and orange and some almonds.

Lunch is a chicken breast, sweet potato and the rest of the grapefruit / orange.

Second snack is carrots, cucumbers, apple and some almonds.

At about 3 pm I eat 2 tablespoons of spoons of peanut butter with half a cup of oats.

20 minutes before I get to the gym I take my pre workout.

Do the gym 4 to 5:15 when I have my kids, take my isolate. Get the kids and feed them dinner. I'll have a can of tuna, 1/3 cup Greek yogurt and a cup of skim milk.

I don't eat past 8 pm and if I get hungry, I'll have cottage cheese.

30 minutes before bed, casein shake. Try to get 7 hours of sleep.

When I'm at the gym I don't record anything, but I remember what I lift. Once I can do 3 sets at 8 reps I'll move the weight up and repeat.

I absolutely love the gym, while I don't pose in the mirror or discuss how "huge" I'm getting, it's nice to talk with other guys who share the same interest.

Even after listing all of that I still consider myself a bit lazy with it all. In the fact that I don't really study or look up what to eat or the exact science.

Took my mother out for lunch with the kids yesterday to a place she wanted to go. I destroyed the buffet; chicken, fish, ribs and potatoes. Went for seconds, lol.

When I grab 80 lbs dumbbells in each hand for shoulder press I don't think "look at me everyone, I'm lifting huge!", I look at myself and say "you did it before, do it again". I get a rush and I enjoy it tremendously.


----------



## jpr

Even if he still had a hard body, that is NOWAY to treat someone! Geez! Jingling to see how much flab???

Ugh. So horrible. 


How awful!


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ha! A lot like my ex. In his younger days he was a fitness fanatic, was very muscular and a personal trainer for nautilus. Loved loved loved his all natural protein shakes and "nutritional supplements" (don't ever use the generic term "vitamins"!). But when WE met, he was in his 30s, had softened up a bit but still preached it. Telling me all about the women he used to train, how they get more and more beautiful as they train, then coming up behind me and *grabbing my hips and shaking it pointing out how much it jiggled and weighing me, measuring my arms and telling me he didn't marry a fat woman and wouldn't have a fat wife... all while his round belly protruded*. From his words alone you'd think he was still a hard body.


Ugh... my wife tells me she is fat and I grab her and tell her she is sexy. And, no she is not fat, but neither of us are the sight of perfection. The fact that she takes care of herself is great by me. It shows me she respects and honors herself enough to at least care. Thus cares about me and our boys as well as herself. We are both realistic with what can be expected out of living five decades. 

Enjoli, you are doing great and forget the past (and I know you have, just like to give you a reminder). I am sure that if you keep doing what you need to do to just feel better about living healthier and you find someone very different from the ex. Someone who loves you for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

I have another date tonight with another guy from tinder. 

I still like last night's guy a lot better. I almost feel bad for accepting this date, the stupid girl in me wants to NOT date anyone but last night's guy, but I am going out and I am going to have fun!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

drerio said:


> Enjoli, you are doing great and forget the past (and I know you have, just like to give you a reminder). I am sure that if you keep doing what you need to do to just feel better about living healthier and you find someone very different from the ex. Someone who loves you for you. :smthumbup:


I know - I try to really emphasize to my kiddo that the old "sticks and stones" saying is NOT true and that words CAN hurt and resonate for a very long time. 

I don't mind a spouse wanting me to be healthier and making suggestions - but I would have preferred joining a gym together or taking brisk walks every night - some way of helping me stay fit without direct criticism. Something like "I can tell we've both put on weight over the years - let's start doing XYZ together every day.

Next guy will be active in ways we can do stuff together!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I get up at 5:15 am, crack 3 whole eggs and 3 egg whites. 12 oz of skim milk and add whey. Every.Morning.
> 
> First snack is spinach, half a grapefruit, half and orange and some almonds.
> 
> Lunch is a chicken breast, sweet potato and the rest of the grapefruit / orange.
> 
> Second snack is carrots, cucumbers, apple and some almonds.
> 
> At about 3 pm I eat 2 tablespoons of spoons of peanut butter with half a cup of oats.
> 
> 20 minutes before I get to the gym I take my pre workout.
> 
> Do the gym 4 to 5:15 when I have my kids, take my isolate. Get the kids and feed them dinner. I'll have a can of tuna, 1/3 cup Greek yogurt and a cup of skim milk.
> 
> I don't eat past 8 pm and if I get hungry, I'll have cottage cheese.
> 
> 30 minutes before bed, casein shake. Try to get 7 hours of sleep.
> 
> When I'm at the gym I don't record anything, but I remember what I lift. Once I can do 3 sets at 8 reps I'll move the weight up and repeat.
> 
> I absolutely love the gym, while I don't pose in the mirror or discuss how "huge" I'm getting, it's nice to talk with other guys who share the same interest.
> 
> Even after listing all of that I still consider myself a bit lazy with it all. In the fact that I don't really study or look up what to eat or the exact science.
> 
> Took my mother out for lunch with the kids yesterday to a place she wanted to go. I destroyed the buffet; chicken, fish, ribs and potatoes. Went for seconds, lol.
> 
> When I grab 80 lbs dumbbells in each hand for shoulder press I don't think "look at me everyone, I'm lifting huge!", I look at myself and say "you did it before, do it again". I get a rush and I enjoy it tremendously.


Gah! You really do eat boring food


----------



## Dedicated2Her

jpr said:


> I plan on thoroughly enjoying an order of fried pickles and a few draft beers tomorrow night. ....and I am thankful that my boyfriend will not be pointing out how abysmal the food I am stuffing in my mouth is. ...he will be enjoying it with me.


I don't say a word to my gf when she eats bad. Nothing, or anyone else. That's their call, and not my deal. I live by example.

However, when I talk about the gym, it's because people will typically ask about it. Literally, everyone asks about it. It could be that I used to be 255 lbs 4 years ago. I'm always happy and full of energy. That is what attracts people. So, when people see a man who was totally screwed over by his ex, come out a completely different person, immensely happy all the time..............they ask..........constantly. I even have lawyer clients (family law) send men to me to help them cope. It's fairly remarkable, and I love helping men.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> I know - I try to really emphasize to my kiddo that the old "sticks and stones" saying is NOT true and that words CAN hurt and resonate for a very long time.
> 
> I don't mind a spouse wanting me to be healthier and making suggestions - but I would have preferred joining a gym together or taking brisk walks every night - some way of helping me stay fit without direct criticism. Something like "I can tell we've both put on weight over the years - let's start doing XYZ together every day.
> 
> Next guy will be active in ways we can do stuff together!


Love it, this is the attitude. :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Triggering....

My ex was a really good looking guy and in really good shape. 

Enjoli's post about her ex treating her that way was similar to how my ex treated me

I want to be healthy but also want to be supported in my weightloss goals and lifestyle choices. Not criticized or poked or jiggled or knocked down b/c I'm not doing P90x 4 times a day and choose to walk instead. 

I could never date a buff/hot/10 guy ever again due to how he treated me. I have no doubt I could get a guy like that, especially once I'm at a healthy weight, BUT the abusive behavior I was put through just really left a bad taste in my mouth regarding those "10s". I have also seen friends be treated similarly by the better looking & fit guys.

Oh and I think the whole ego my ex had about his looks made him not even try. He thought I should be grateful to be with him based on his looks and body alone. 

I hate when I trigger. All that abusive behavior he dished out just comes flooding back at times.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Triggering....
> 
> My ex was a really good looking guy and in really good shape.
> 
> Enjoli's post about her ex treating her that way was similar to how my ex treated me
> 
> I want to be healthy but also want to be supported in my weightloss goals and lifestyle choices. Not criticized or poked or jiggled or knocked down b/c I'm not doing P90x 4 times a day and choose to walk instead.
> 
> I could never date a buff/hot/10 guy ever again due to how he treated me. I have no doubt I could get a guy like that, especially once I'm at a healthy weight, BUT the abusive behavior I was put through just really left a bad taste in my mouth regarding those "10s". I have also seen friends be treated similarly by the better looking & fit guys.
> 
> Oh and I think the whole ego my ex had about his looks made him not even try. He thought I should be grateful to be with him based on his looks and body alone.
> 
> I hate when I trigger. All that abusive behavior he dished out just comes flooding back at times.


Sorry to hear. 

There is a guy out there who will care about you for just you.


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm a gym rat now but on Sunday I ate a McDonalds, a chicken shish kebab and some Reece's peanut butter cups nom nom

I enjoy it but I don't preach about it - if someone wants to ask me I'm happy to help them but people can do what they want


----------



## Ikaika

And, don't worry Enjoli and vi, I know all about triggers. When I think about my life growing up and the way my father treated me. It puts me into a funk. It starts me down a path of thinking how inadequate I am as a person and especially as a father. We have to fight against the lies. They are lies, damn lies.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I don't know about material things filling a void.
> 
> *Sometimes it's a quality thing. A BMW is a better quality vehicle than a Kia. Even just riding in one you can feel it. Good quality shoes made of real leather can be resoled and last for years but cost several hundred dollars versus a loafer bought at Famous Footwear. Just like a Wolf range and sub zero fridge are higher quality than the GE version. I think there is a grey area there. *
> 
> I really enjoyed dating the one guy who had a new 7-series BMW, wore blazers with sports shirts and nice leather shoes and we went to higher end restaurants - and in a high end restaurant the food is amazing (read: quality) and the portions are smaller because that's really what is appropriate.
> 
> For him it was quality. He liked nice stuff because he enjoyed it. *There is usually a point where you don't get much more quality for your money and I think that is where it gets ridiculous and is more for ego stroking.*


Oh, Enj, I agree with you. And I am all about a good investment for quality.

There's a difference between a man with good taste/eye for quality, and a materialistic guy.


----------



## Fenix

unsure78 said:


> Unfortunately Fenix my experience of really hot guys has been "player"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My gut says that the more average looking guys try harder! And are probably much better in bed due to that.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Is there no hope?!
> I'm not a player!


Maybe you're not as hot as you think you are? I think you should post a pic and let us be the judge!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> Triggering....
> 
> My ex was a really good looking guy and in really good shape.
> 
> Enjoli's post about her ex treating her that way was similar to how my ex treated me
> 
> I want to be healthy but also want to be supported in my weightloss goals and lifestyle choices. Not criticized or poked or jiggled or knocked down b/c I'm not doing P90x 4 times a day and choose to walk instead.
> 
> I could never date a buff/hot/10 guy ever again due to how he treated me. I have no doubt I could get a guy like that, especially once I'm at a healthy weight, BUT the abusive behavior I was put through just really left a bad taste in my mouth regarding those "10s". I have also seen friends be treated similarly by the better looking & fit guys.
> 
> Oh and I think the whole ego my ex had about his looks made him not even try. He thought I should be grateful to be with him based on his looks and body alone.
> 
> I hate when I trigger. All that abusive behavior he dished out just comes flooding back at times.


Sorry.  Bottom line is we have our baggage. We will make future choices that are influenced by our past experiences. We all will. It's not to bash any of the guys here who are hot and have a heart or any of the men who are very much into diet and exercise. I'm sure their past experiences with women have influenced their current choices and triggers/red flags.


----------



## Fenix

EnjoliWoman said:


> Sorry.  Bottom line is we have our baggage. We will make future choices that are influenced by our past experiences. We all will. It's not to bash any of the guys here who are hot and have a heart or any of the men who are very much into diet and exercise. I'm sure their past experiences with women have influenced their current choices and triggers/red flags.


Yep. A lot of what you posted resonated with me too.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Gah! You really do eat boring food


I much prefer "boring" food that fuels me over the fast good that had me hating myself after. Lol.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Maybe you're not as hot as you think you are? I think you should post a pic and let us be the judge!


I have pics up...I'll friend you, look through my albums. You be the judge, it never really mattered to me.

There I even added a few of her and I...not great pics but pics nonetheless.


----------



## familyfirst09

Vi, thanks for the nod a few pages back, lol I'm just catching up!! I am glad to see you are doing great as well, thru all our ups and downs eh? 
Sorry about the trigger tho  you know you can get past them now tho right? Douche is gone and you're in a better place!!

My ex had the opposite problem when it came to looks. He was hot, no doubt - was the football star in high-school, blah blah blah. BUT he had no confidence which he pushed on to me. And I always had bad self esteem and when it started to improve when I started to lose weight when we were married, he hated it and took it out on me. And then he left for me tramp who is apparently extremely homely and not all that attractive at all. Meh, such is life, his problem not mine anymore. I'm not a 10, not even close lol but I don't care. If I can't get to feeling like a 10 on the inside, them I'm good. 

Had my breakfast date with IT guy this morning, holy hell what a great kisser he is. He was holding my hand while we were driving, it was very cute. Laughed and talked the entire time. Set up third date for tuesday night 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Vi, thanks for the nod a few pages back, lol I'm just catching up!! I am glad to see you are doing great as well, thru all our ups and downs eh?
> Sorry about the trigger tho  you know you can get past them now tho right? Douche is gone and you're in a better place!!
> 
> My ex had the opposite problem when it came to looks. He was hot, no doubt - was the football star in high-school, blah blah blah. BUT he had no confidence which he pushed on to me. And I always had bad self esteem and when it started to improve when I started to lose weight when we were married, he hated it and took it out on me. And then he left for me tramp who is apparently extremely homely and not all that attractive at all. Meh, such is life, his problem not mine anymore. *I'm not a 10, not even close lol but I don't care. If I can't get to feeling like a 10 on the inside, them I'm good. *
> 
> Had my breakfast date with IT guy this morning, holy hell what a great kisser he is. He was holding my hand while we were driving, it was very cute. Laughed and talked the entire time. Set up third date for tuesday night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your man should always make you feel like a 10


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I much prefer "boring" food that fuels me over the fast good that had me hating myself after. Lol.


True, but you gotta throw some taco's in there sometime :ezpi_wink1:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> True, but you gotta throw some taco's in there sometime :ezpi_wink1:


I do like tacos ...


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I have pics up...I'll friend you, look through my albums. You be the judge, it never really mattered to me.
> 
> There I even added a few of her and I...not great pics but pics nonetheless.


Awww how cute...already taking selfie's together


----------



## familyfirst09

Agree AP!! Ratings are stupid and based on another person's opinion. I've seen your pics, yep you're hot. But seriously if you were a douche (which you are not), you wouldn't be a 10 in my books. A real 10 is beautiful on the inside. 

I have a friend - she is 43 now. Her husband dumped her for his bowflex machine and his female running partner. My friend is beautiful and the greatest personality. Sure she put on a few pounds after having his two kids but always took care of herself. 

A few months after her divorce, she hooked up with a 54 year old! Honestly it's the oddest match in the world - he is not what one would say "attractive" at all plus the age difference. But he respects her and she said it was the first man who ever was interested in her brain and not her chest size. Its not always about looks. Almost 3 years later they are still together and are as happy as can be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Awww how cute...already taking selfie's together


Ya terrible drunk selfies...whatev


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> I do like tacos ...


Hey oooooh!!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I got stood up tonight! I knew it would happen at some point, but I didn't think it would be on my first first date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> So, I got stood up tonight! I knew it would happen at some point, but I didn't think it would be on my first first date.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did he give you a reason? Or a total no show?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Did he give you a reason? Or a total no show?


Total no show, but I had a feeling. I messaged him this morning to confirm, and I got no response. I showed up anyway, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and he never showed. I waited at the bar for an hour.

I was meeting him after work, in my work neighborhood, so it wasn't a huge inconvenience, but it's still a d!ck move.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Total no show, but I had a feeling. I messaged him this morning to confirm, and I got no response. I showed up anyway, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and he never showed. I waited at the bar for an hour.
> 
> I was meeting him after work, in my work neighborhood, so it wasn't a huge inconvenience, but it's still a d!ck move.


Yea not cool....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

FeministInPink said:


> Total no show, but I had a feeling. I messaged him this morning to confirm, and I got no response. I showed up anyway, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and he never showed. I waited at the bar for an hour.
> 
> I was meeting him after work, in my work neighborhood, so it wasn't a huge inconvenience, but it's still a d!ck move.


What a craptastic move. Total @ssbag.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Yea not cool....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





lisab0105 said:


> What a craptastic move. Total @ssbag.


Yeah at the least he could have sent a ****ty text letting you know he's not showing. Jerk :/


----------



## familyfirst09

That is totally sh*tty. Do women ever do that? I only ever hear of men doing that!! (no offense guys!!)

One of my pet peeves is a dropped text convo. So annoying. I know that text is a pretty normal method of communication now but seriously if you were talking on the phone, you wouldn't just hang up or if you were talking face to face you wouldn't just walk away, can you imagine! But yet people think it's okay to just not respond to a text. Its annoying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> That is totally sh*tty. Do women ever do that? I only ever hear of men doing that!! (no offense guys!!)
> 
> One of my pet peeves is a dropped text convo. So annoying. I know that text is a pretty normal method of communication now but seriously if you were talking on the phone, you wouldn't just hang up or if you were talking face to face you wouldn't just walk away, can you imagine! But yet people think it's okay to just not respond to a text. Its annoying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep women do that all the time, not necessarily the no show, but never replying back to the confirmation call or text the day of the date after arranging a time.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Yep women do that all the time, not necessarily the no show, but never replying back to the confirmation call or text the day of the date after arranging a time.


Hmmm I never got confirmation of a date I was supposed to have yesterday. I did tell plan b hat I would hang out with him again. That was a week ago. This is the 2nd reschedule or so. I don't contact him. If he wants to see me he can arrange something. But still haven't heard from him I may have been ghosted, lol. 

And as I sit here typing this while waiting for my wings at a local bar, a guy just ordered me a beer..."this is from the guy over there"...huh? Lol


----------



## jpr

Awesome, VI...free beer.


It is funny...reading the posts from today. We are all totally avoiding things that "trigger " us from an awful experience from the past.

VI and others are avoiding super-hotties. Up and D2h are avoiding fatty foods and they are exercising all the time. I tend to avoid people who live a rigid lifestyle and people who are super critical if everything. (Sasquatch was/is obsessed with schedules...won't ever miss a workout....protective of his personal time...and he is super critical and inflexible). 

Maybe the sign of true growth is when we realize we don't need to necessarily avoid all these things ...:scratchhead:...maybe true growth is when you can see these triggers not as triggers....just something to be aware of. Just because we were burned by them once, doesn't necessarily mean there can't be a place for similar things in our lives again. ...without experiencing guilt/shame/sadness.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Your man should always make you feel like a 10


If only more men believed this and less men thought that verbal abuse based on lack of physical ideals and slimness was a reasonable way to treat their women, many people would be happier.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Eating fatty foods doesn't trigger anything in me. It's about recognizing and taking accountability for what I put in my body. When I eat too much processed foods, too much sugar, intake too much caffeine and so on, I get inflammation, joint pain and upset stomachs.

Without exercise for an extended period of time I don't sleep well, I can get restless without the physical activity. It doesn't have to be at the gym either, I'm looking forward to it warming up and dry out so I can start jogging (for the first time ever) outdoors. I'm going to start rallying some friends to hit the park and play Ultimate Frisbee and when I have my kids get out there with them. Jog beside them while they bike, play keep away with the soccer ball and so forth.

I still go out and eat burgers (last Saturday), I drink beers with my buddies (on the weekends when I don't have the kids), I went out for wings twice in the last week to catch up with old friends. The difference between now and the past is that I hit the treadmill for the extra 30 minutes to burn 500 calories to make room for it. I can stop myself at just 1 beer and drink water the rest of the time.

What I eat now, the things I listed above are my new default foods. If I don't keep a plan, even if it's a little loose on some days I will no doubt end up buying the expensive fries and gravy in the cafeteria at work. If I don't bring my 20 oz water bottle, I will no doubt start buying Pepsi and Coke's again.

I do it this way, so I CAN go out and enjoy myself. What others put into their body is up to them, I don't scoff or judge. The only time I open my mouth is when they b!tch afterwards about feeling like crap. I point out what they're eating, show them the label and tell them to consider it.

Today I bought Girl Scout Cookies from a guy at work to help support his daughters fundraiser. I've never bought them before. I looked on the back ... 170 calories for TWO (2)!!! cookies! Not to mention the fats etc. I couldn't even get myself to open the box to look at them, I ended up giving them to another guy for free. Haha.

It's about awareness. While my body can put on fat rather quickly when I let myself go, it can also build muscle and become athletic just as fast. So, I make the choice to live this way. To appease the healthier traits I have and keep the unhealthy ones at bay, so anyone I do end up with will have to be okay with me going to the gym a hour and a half 4-5 days a week. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be aware of the time I take for my personal needs and apply myself in other ways, without becoming co-dependent or a "Mr. Nice Guy".


----------



## jpr

It sounds like you have found a balance, Up....and that is good and admirable. You are changing your life without going to the extreme of completely cutting things out. You have learned to live and manage.


----------



## jpr

I think what I was trying to say is that perhaps true growth is when you can see things for what they really are.... And throw away the prejudices that we developed from things/people who have burned us in the past. 

I admit...I judge academics very harshly nowadays. (No offense, drerio. . )

I know it is irrational, and I try to control my judgments. I actually have a few professor friends still....and I know they are good people.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> I think what I was trying to say is that perhaps true growth is when you can see things for what they really are.... And throw away the prejudices that we developed from things/people who have burned us in the past.
> 
> I admit...I judge academics very harshly nowadays. (No offense, drerio. . )
> 
> I know it is irrational, and I try to control my judgments. I actually have a few professor friends still....and I know they are good people.


I have never had a girl with curves but I like this one, I llike her a lot


----------



## muskrat

Fenix said:


> My gut says that the more average looking guys try harder! And are probably much better in bed due to that.


If only more women would realize this. :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Just got back from my date, it was okay, I did not feel at ease. I could sense an aggressive behavior underneath his smile.

Maybe I am learning something


----------



## Another Planet

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL'ZZ, hey you guy's?...I just wanted to let you know...I guess we are the coolest peep's on TAM......check the Tags YO lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZgZVl-V-Bk&list=PL1cin08tyci6-qgKnBkwSK1BNagTh2ktc


----------



## ne9907

Blue eyes (date from last night) texted me to find out.how my day was... he works pretty late most days!!

I like him


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL'ZZ, hey you guy's?...I just wanted to let you know...I guess we are the coolest peep's on TAM......check the Tags YO lol
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZgZVl-V-Bk&list=PL1cin08tyci6-qgKnBkwSK1BNagTh2ktc


My phone sucks, I can't like any statuses


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> My phone sucks, I can't like any statuses


It literally says the "coolest people of TAM"  that's us!


----------



## Another Planet

I want her so bad right now...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHS8LAqHyHs&list=PL1cin08tyci4xTnFxl_bGgHqlCHViUY1s


----------



## Another Planet

Or https://www.youtube.com/watch?featu..._Sy_M&list=PL1cin08tyci4xTnFxl_bGgHqlCHViUY1s


----------



## RandomDude

Date tonight, yay! Might try my luck


----------



## muskrat

Damn AP, you got it bad. Lol
I don't know if I should cheer you on or tell you to slow your roll. Anyhow I am glad you are happy. Just don't get lost in the fog and end up getting burnt.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Damn AP, you got it bad. Lol
> I don't know if I should cheer you on or tell you to slow your roll. Anyhow I am glad you are happy. Just don't get lost in the fog and end up getting burnt.


lol If you havnt noticed Im always in the fog :smthumbup: wait that is not a good thing,,,0_0


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Damn AP, you got it bad. Lol
> I don't know if I should cheer you on or tell you to slow your roll. Anyhow I am glad you are happy. Just don't get lost in the fog and end up getting burnt.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> If only more women would realize this. :smthumbup:



Same goes for below average chicks . lf you wanna really be looked after go for lower looks.
Not all of course but hell any l've had have had great personality, really look after you and hey great in the sack


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> lol If you havnt noticed Im always in the fog :smthumbup: wait that is not a good thing,,,0_0


In the fog when neither of you is committing adultery is awesome. 
-----


I had some enjoyable flirtation with my (whatever you wanna call him; I need to come up with a nickname) on text. I'm overly lustful tonight, but we just had some fun a few nights ago, so I'm not going to reach out now though I'd like to hook up.

So, question: if you're spending all your time in the bedroom, you can assume you're just FBs rather than FWBs, I suppose; what if your FB/FWB tells you about his life and goals and things, mentions future events or hookups as if you'll both be involved, seeks affirmations of longing and exclusivity, and uses affectionate terms? FWB? FB? Does it matter? I just don't want to do anything to hurt him or screw up my chances of fun times.

We started out talking as if we were dating. I turned things X rated. Now that's all we do, instead of going out (I'm fine with this, because it suits my needs). But, he has started expressing some emotions; it's usually in a pillow talk capacity. I'm fine with this, too; actually, I kinda like it. I think I have a crush on him; of course, I never assume a future beyond the moment.


----------



## Dollystanford

Sounds to me like you're falling for each other


----------



## moxy

dollystanford said:


> sounds to me like you're falling for each other


😳


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> I have pics up...I'll friend you, look through my albums. You be the judge, it never really mattered to me.
> 
> There I even added a few of her and I...not great pics but pics nonetheless.


You guys look cute together! 


eta: Oh man...after listening to your songs, now I am worried. Easy, man...
but enjoy!


----------



## Fenix

jpr said:


> Awesome, VI...free beer.
> Maybe the sign of true growth is when we realize we don't need to necessarily avoid all these things ...:scratchhead:...maybe true growth is when you can see these triggers not as triggers....just something to be aware of. Just because we were burned by them once, doesn't necessarily mean there can't be a place for similar things in our lives again. ...without experiencing guilt/shame/sadness.


Triggers diminish with time and healing.  It can't be rushed. I think they are the last things to go really.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> In the fog when neither of you is committing adultery is awesome.
> -----
> 
> 
> I had some enjoyable flirtation with my (whatever you wanna call him; I need to come up with a nickname) on text. I'm overly lustful tonight, but we just had some fun a few nights ago, so I'm not going to reach out now though I'd like to hook up.
> 
> So, question: if you're spending all your time in the bedroom, you can assume you're just FBs rather than FWBs, I suppose; what if your FB/FWB tells you about his life and goals and things, mentions future events or hookups as if you'll both be involved, seeks affirmations of longing and exclusivity, and uses affectionate terms? FWB? FB? Does it matter? I just don't want to do anything to hurt him or screw up my chances of fun times.
> 
> We started out talking as if we were dating. I turned things X rated. Now that's all we do, instead of going out (I'm fine with this, because it suits my needs). But, he has started expressing some emotions; it's usually in a pillow talk capacity. I'm fine with this, too; actually, I kinda like it. I think I have a crush on him; of course, I never assume a future beyond the moment.


Agree with Dolly. Have fun. Don't assume anything and live in the moment.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Same goes for below average chicks . lf you wanna really be looked after go for lower looks.
> Not all of course but hell any l've had have had great personality, really look after you and hey great in the sack


Oy. And you were just saying how you didn't understand how people got with unattractive/lower looks people, etc the other day.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

Well this sucks

My date doesn't feel comfortable with intimacy while I'm still officially married even though we're finished. I was planning to wait out my ex's refusal to sign her half of the papers to reduce drama but looks like it's not happening if I want to get laid with this one.

Meh, might just ram option number 2, but then she might think the same thing... *sigh* maybe I should have just stuck to FWBs!

Oh well, rubbing time! Going to have to deal with ex this weekend over a multitude of crap anyway


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I have never had a girl with curves but I like this one, I llike her a lot


:smthumbup:



familyfirst09 said:


> A few months after her divorce, she hooked up with a 54 year old! Honestly it's the oddest match in the world - he is not what one would say "attractive" at all plus the age difference. But he respects her and she said it was the first man who ever was interested in her brain and not her chest size.


:smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> Total no show, but I had a feeling. I messaged him this morning to confirm, and I got no response. I showed up anyway, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and he never showed. I waited at the bar for an hour.


Ugggggh. But girlllllllllllll you know I am going to tell you -- if he didn't respond to your text about meeting up... that is a red flag. I wouldn't have gone to meet him. If he reaches out to you again, do not respond.



familyfirst09 said:


> One of my pet peeves is a dropped text convo. So annoying. But yet people think it's okay to just not respond to a text. Its annoying.


:iagree:


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> Triggers diminish with time and healing.  It can't be rushed. I think they are the last things to go really.


I think you're right. Vi, you're awesome and you deserve good thing. Hang in there.


----------



## unsure78

I agree with jpr, I think she is right on the money with triggers and overcompensating for them...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

JB - have you tried any meetup groups yet just to get yourself out there a little more? 

I think you are going to have to put some effort into dating in order to find Mr. Sex Jelly. So maybe jump on tinder/match/ok cupid or whatever and start chatting with potentials  

Not gonna get anywhere by just hoping someone will come along. And its already April! You got 8 months to get laid. You don't do ONS or random casual sex, so figure it will take you at least a month or two to find someone worth going on a date with. Then probably another month to see if you like them. So potentially could get laid by July if you start looking now.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Ugggggh. But girlllllllllllll you know I am going to tell you -- if he didn't respond to your text about meeting up... that is a red flag. I wouldn't have gone to meet him. If he reaches out to you again, do not respond.


I know. I was being generous. But it was a bar in a bookstore, I'd always wanted to go there anyway, my drink was DELICIOUS and I got to read for an hour. 

And it looks like I've been stood up for tonight, again, different guy. No reply to my confirmation message, and it looks like he deleted his account. Wtf???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Hey Vi how is disk golf?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> I know. I was being generous. But it was a bar in a bookstore, I'd always wanted to go there anyway, my drink was DELICIOUS and I got to read for an hour.
> 
> And it looks like I've been stood up for tonight, again, different guy. No reply to my confirmation message, and it looks like he deleted his account. Wtf???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea... there are a lot of flakes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I know. I was being generous. But it was a bar in a bookstore, I'd always wanted to go there anyway, my drink was DELICIOUS and I got to read for an hour.
> 
> And it looks like I've been stood up for tonight, again, different guy. No reply to my confirmation message, and it looks like he deleted his account. Wtf???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like people on that site have incredibly short attention spans. Or, not a whole lot of interest in following through with their plans!

I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself anyway by going to a place that was interesting to you.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> You guys look cute together!
> 
> 
> eta: Oh man...after listening to your songs, now I am worried. Easy, man...
> but enjoy!


lol This whole thing is definitely a learning process for me. I worry for her, I know she is starting to fall for me and once I have feelings I have this defense mechanism where I click and check the Fck out and you never hear from me again


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> lol This whole thing is definitely a learning process for me. I worry for her, I know she is starting to fall for me and *once I have feelings I have this defense mechanism where I click and check the Fck out and you never hear from me again*


Is this something you have done your whole life or only since you have been dating since your divorce?


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> lol This whole thing is definitely a learning process for me. I worry for her, I know she is starting to fall for me and once I have feelings I have this defense mechanism where I click and check the Fck out and you never hear from me again


Hey but you are not a player right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Is this something you have done your whole life or only since you have been dating since your divorce?


Whole life, or at least 7-8th grade lol


----------



## ne9907

I am supposed to have a date tomorrow evening with blue eyes, is it ok to.send him a text saying that I cant wait for tomorrow? Would it sound too needy?
He did text me right after our date on wednesday, and again yeaterda.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Hey but you are not a player right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh....hmmm....

I was going to ask what the definition of player was. If I see something that is painful emotionally to me that is when I check out. Does that make me a player?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I am supposed to have a date tomorrow evening with blue eyes, is it ok to.send him a text saying that I cant wait for tomorrow? *Would it sound too needy?*
> He did text me right after our date on wednesday, and again yeaterda.


YES


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> lol This whole thing is definitely a learning process for me. I worry for her, I know she is starting to fall for me and once I have feelings I have this defense mechanism where I click and check the Fck out and you never hear from me again


Damn AP, that's how I was when I was 19 yo... I let a good one go because of it. Dont do it!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Whole life, or at least 7-8th grade lol


Well......you need to be honest with bleacher and tell her you are not ready for a long term relationship. b/c it sounds like you are on your way to hurting her. 

Oh and women that take selfies with a guy like that REALLY REALLY REALLY like the guy usually. So your intuition about her falling for you is probably right. 



ne9907 said:


> I am supposed to have a date tomorrow evening with blue eyes, *is it ok to.send him a text saying that I cant wait for tomorrow? Would it sound too needy?*
> He did text me right after our date on wednesday, and again yeaterda.


Yes, it would slightly. Don't do that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Oh....hmmm....
> 
> I was going to ask what the definition of player was. If I see something that is painful emotionally to me that is when I check out. Does that make me a player?


So what are you seeing about bleacher that screams "painful emotionally"??


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So what are you seeing about bleacher that screams "painful emotionally"??


Nothing I am just worried, I have some long term trips planned that take up what limited time we have to see each other. If history repeats itself this is usually a major test in the relationship.



Jellybeans said:


> I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.


lol


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.


Hahahahahaa

A$$ is fat. Frame is little. Tattoo on your chest with his name in the middle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Nothing I am just worried, I have some long term trips planned that take up what limited time we have to see each other. If history repeats itself this is usually a major test in the relationship.


Well...

#1 - not like she doesn't know about the trips
#2 - you said you weren't going to compromise for anyone regarding your life
#3 - if a new bf/gf relationship cannot survive a little bit of time apart..well....probably shouldn't be in it anyways

So why are you worried? About hurting her?


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Oh....hmmm....
> 
> I was going to ask what the definition of player was. If I see something that is painful emotionally to me that is when I check out. Does that make me a player?


The way you described it the first post, yes. Women will consider you a player when you come across as really into them, and then-for no apparent reason-turn off the switch, disappear, cut off the interaction with no explanation at all. It doesn't matter whether you're an actual cold-hearted, manipulative actual player, or if you have some clear emotional wounds/baggage that are the driving force. From the woman's perspective, if it looks like a player, talks like a player, acts like a player... all of which sound true in the scenario that you describe.


----------



## unsure78

One word for you Another. ....

Therapy....


If you have been like this since 7th grade it stems from childhood issue... you are not going to get better anytime soon
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> The way you described it the first post, yes. Women will consider you a player when you come across as really into them, and then-for no apparent reason-turn off the switch, disappear, cut off the interaction with no explanation at all. It doesn't matter whether you're an actual cold-hearted, manipulative actual player, or if you have some clear emotional wounds/baggage that are the driving force. From the woman's perspective, if it looks like a player, talks like a player, acts like a player... all of which sound true in the scenario that you describe.


WORD
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> One word for you Another. ....
> 
> *Therapy....
> *
> 
> If you have been like this since 7th grade it stems from childhood issue... you are not going to get better anytime soon
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## vi_bride04

Hey JB - Did you see my post a couple pages back????


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well......you need to be honest with bleacher and tell her you are not ready for a long term relationship. b/c it sounds like you are on your way to hurting her.
> 
> Oh and women that take selfies with a guy like that REALLY REALLY REALLY like the guy usually. So your intuition about her falling for you is probably right.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, it would slightly. Don't do that.


It's not intuition it's blatant now. I know she likes me a lot now lets see if we can play the cards right.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> It's not intuition it's blatant now. I know she likes me a lot now lets see if we can play the cards right.


Don't play anything. Just be upfront and tell her you are not ready to open up yet like she may be.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> The way you described it the first post, yes. Women will consider you a player when you come across as really into them, and then-for no apparent reason-turn off the switch, disappear, cut off the interaction with no explanation at all. It doesn't matter whether you're an actual cold-hearted, manipulative actual player, or if you have some clear emotional wounds/baggage that are the driving force. From the woman's perspective, if it looks like a player, talks like a player, acts like a player... all of which sound true in the scenario that you describe.


Dammit NOOOOOO....I guess I'm a player. I haven't done it to anyone that didn't deserve it though like if they cheated on me lol
Well except this one GF, she couldn't keep a job for the life of her and it was heading towards her only hope was to move in with me and I wasn't having any of that shiat!


----------



## Another Planet

Ugh this is so complicated...you guys are basically telling me I should put up with being treated badly in a relationship. I really don't understand sometimes.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Ugh this is so complicated...you guys are basically telling me I should put up with being treated badly in a relationship. I really don't understand sometimes.


No you said once you have feelings you dissappear. .. that is what we are responding too...

And I said get into therapy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Women will consider you a player when you come across as really into them,* and then-for no apparent reason-turn off the switch, disappear, cut off the interaction with no explanation at all. * It doesn't matter whether you're an actual cold-hearted, manipulative actual player, or if you have some clear emotional wounds/baggage that are the driving force. From the woman's perspective, if it looks like a player, talks like a player, acts like a player... all of which sound true in the scenario that you describe.


And not to mention, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. To me there is nothing crueller and more of an A$$hole thing to do to something than cutting strings w/o any damn word/explanation. Going cold on someone, especially when you've spent a chunk of time together and even MORESO when you have done things to seem like you are feeling them, is the BIGGEST JERK FVCKED UP thing you can do to someone.

I always say this: *Would you like if someone did it to you?*

Why can't people just have a conversation? "I am not into you." or "I don't see this working" or my personal Jelly lines "I do not think we are a good match" and/or "I do not think we are compatible." It's not hard. It takes FIVE seconds. It is respectful. 

But blanking someone you've been seeing completely out of nowhere is totally disrespectful. It's selfish and it's cowardly. It leaves the other person confused, wondering when/if you are going to call and if they have done something horrible. 

D!CK MOVE! 



vi_bride04 said:


> Hey JB - Did you see my post a couple pages back????


No, I did not. What was it about? This thread moves so fast!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Ugh this is so complicated...you guys are basically telling me I should put up with being treated badly in a relationship. I really don't understand sometimes.


:scratchhead:

You are all over the place. First you said you check out when someone starts having feelings for someone. Now you are saying you are getting treated badly. Which is it? Is Bleacher treating you horribly? I thought you said you guys have been spending weekends together and you are really into eachother? But maybe I missed the post where she was evil to you.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Sounds like people on that site have incredibly short attention spans. Or, not a whole lot of interest in following through with their plans!
> 
> I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself anyway by going to a place that was interesting to you.


Twice in a row makes me feel like all the effort (going into a dating site or app) really isn't worth it... I could have made other plans with someone else last night. It's not too late for tonight, but I'm tired and working late tonight, but I really liked the second guy.










I'm not impressed with post-divorce dating. Loving the rest of my post-divorce life, but dating... I know one of you (whitehawk, maybe?) said women don't have to pay for sex, that we can get it anytime we want, but I'm having a hard time buying that right now. It doesn't help that there are far fewer single men than single women in DC, so the odds are working against me.


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> lol This whole thing is definitely a learning process for me. I worry for her, I know she is starting to fall for me and once *I have feelings I have this defense mechanism where I click and check the Fck* out and you never hear from me again





unsure78 said:


> No you said once you *have feelings you dissappea*r. .. that is what we are responding too...
> 
> And I said get into therapy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Jellybeans said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> You are all over the place. First you said you check out when *someone starts having feelings* for someone. Now you are saying you are getting treated badly. Which is it? Is Bleacher treating you horribly? I thought you said you guys have been spending weekends together and you are really into eachother? But maybe I missed the post where she was evil to you.


Let me be more clear because you guys always jump to conclusions with me. I am fine with stuff until I get feelings but then say you spend more time talking to your GF's BF then me I will check out or if you sleep with some random dude at a party I will check out or if you ask for $50 over and over I will check out...
And if you guys are telling me those kind of actions are excusable then Fck women because they are *******s.

I am not talking about just leaving for no reason


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Ugh this is so complicated...you guys are basically telling me I should put up with being treated badly in a relationship. I really don't understand sometimes.


:scratchhead: Huh?? Who said that? I'm so confused, AP. I think things said have been the opposite of that. At least, what I'm saying is don't play evasive games with bleacher, if you are going to run away b/c of emotional hurdles/hangups you personally have like you always do, change that. When you feel the need to flee (as it sounds like that is what will be happening in a few months) you need to tell her its not going to work out vs just disappearing/ghosting her. 

If you have been up front with her about how you are not "feeling things" as intense as she is, then there really is nothing to worry about. 



unsure78 said:


> No you said once you have feelings you dissappear. .. that is what we are responding too...
> 
> And I said get into therapy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See now I'm confused. So are you developing feelings for this girl or not and is that what is making you want to run for the hills?

I have been reading that she is alot more smitten of you than you are with her and you are worried about hurting her b/c you feel yourself getting ready to run away.


----------



## Jellybeans

So she has been talking to her GF's boyfriend more than you? And she is hitting you up for $50? Or are those hypotheticals? 

If someone is doing that stuff, then I don't see what "feelings" has to do with it. Nobody should stick around if they are in a relationship where the person gives more attention to other people and mooches money off them.

It's just that your post read as if the moment someone gets feelings for you, you bounce. That is what we are discussing.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> :At least, what I'm saying is don't play evasive games with bleacher, if you are going to run away b/c of emotional hurdles/hangups you personally have like you always do, change that. When you feel the need to flee (as it sounds like that is what will be happening in a few months) you need to tell her its not going to work out vs just disappearing/ghosting her.
> 
> If you have been up front with her about how you are not "feeling things" as intense as she is, then there really is nothing to worry about.
> 
> 
> 
> *See now I'm confused. So are you developing feelings for this girl or not and is that what is making you want to run for the hills?
> *
> 
> I have been reading that she is alot more smitten of you than you are with her and you are worried about hurting her b/c you feel yourself getting ready to run away.


:iagree: with this entire post.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Let me be more clear because you guys always jump to conclusions with me. I am fine with stuff until I get feelings *but then say you spend more time talking to your GF's BF then me I will check out or if you sleep with some random dude at a party I will check out or if you ask for $50 over and over I will check out...*
> And if you guys are telling me those kind of actions are excusable then Fck women because they are *******s.
> 
> I am not talking about just leaving for no reason


So pretty much you still are dealing with stuff with bad breakups in the past and cheating GFs/wife and are scared once you get feelings for bleacher she will just do the same sort of stuff??

Or is bleacher doing the stuff above?


----------



## vi_bride04

*jb your post*



vi_bride04 said:


> jb - have you tried any meetup groups yet just to get yourself out there a little more?
> 
> I think you are going to have to put some effort into dating in order to find mr. Sex jelly. So maybe jump on tinder/match/ok cupid or whatever and start chatting with potentials
> 
> not gonna get anywhere by just hoping someone will come along. And its already april! You got 8 months to get laid. You don't do ons or random casual sex, so figure it will take you at least a month or two to find someone worth going on a date with. Then probably another month to see if you like them. So potentially could get laid by july if you start looking now.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So pretty much you still are dealing with stuff with bad breakups in the past and cheating GFs/wife and are scared once you get feelings for bleacher she will just do the same sort of stuff??
> 
> Or is bleacher doing the stuff above?


She is NOT doing these things, I am afraid of them happening because yes those are all hypothetical situations that have happened to me in the past.


----------



## Another Planet

And I like her a lot and she likes me a lot. I am just casually sitting here enjoying the whole thing. Nothing is wrong.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> She is NOT doing these things, I am afraid of them happening because yes those are all hypothetical situations that have happened to me in the past.


You are worrying for no reason and haven't really healed from that hurt. As long as you watch people's actions and recognize behavior that may lead someone to do those sort of things you will be ok - as long as you end the relationship instead of sticking around to put up with it. 

Don't just "check out" and deal with it. "Check out and end it"


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> She is NOT doing these things, I am afraid of them happening because yes those are all hypothetical situations that have happened to me in the past.


Once again I will repeat... therapy

And with that I think im done commenting on Another for a while... you live in a state of constant confusion, ping ponging back and forth from one extreme to the other. .. nor do you make any real steps to remedy your state of confusion...

I wish you best of luck with yourself and your girlfriend. .. I hope it works out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

ViBride--what was your post about? The one you were talking about?


----------



## ne9907

My Saturday date was cancelled because I am staying in the field with my unit this weekend!!
Absolutely lovely! Glad I didn't send him the text!


----------



## vi_bride04

See above JB...


----------



## ne9907

My Saturday date was cancelled because I am staying in the field with my unit this weekend!!
Absolutely lovely! Glad I didn't send him the text!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Once again I will repeat... therapy
> 
> And with that I think im done commenting on Another for a while... you live in a state of constant confusion, ping ponging back and forth from one extreme to the other. .. nor do you make any real steps to remedy your state of confusion...
> 
> I wish you best of luck with yourself and your girlfriend. .. I hope it works out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: I get confused about the conclusions you all jump to also. They always seem to be the extreme negative. Example from just earlier, I am now considered a player for leaving women that abuse me?! Makes no sense to me but so be it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Let me be more clear because *you guys always jump to conclusions with me*. I am fine with stuff until I get feelings but then say you spend more time talking to your GF's BF then me I will check out or if you sleep with some random dude at a party I will check out or if you ask for $50 over and over I will check out...
> And if you guys are telling me those kind of actions are excusable then Fck women because they are *******s.
> 
> I am not talking about just leaving for no reason


AP, we jump to conclusions because you ask for advice, but your posts never contain the pertinent information! We give you advice/respond based on the information you give us.

First, you write:



Another Planet said:


> lol This whole thing is definitely a learning process for me. I worry for her, I know she is starting to fall for me and once I have feelings I have this defense mechanism where I click and check the Fck out and you never hear from me again



You're saying that you have a tendency to check out of a budding relationship with no warning and no reason. And the next post, you say that you've been doing this since 7th or 8th grade, which indicates it's a habitual, recurring thing.

But then later you write:



Another Planet said:


> Dammit NOOOOOO....I guess I'm a player. *I haven't done it to anyone that didn't deserve it though like if they cheated on me lol*
> Well except this one GF, she couldn't keep a job for the life of her and it was heading towards her only hope was to move in with me and I wasn't having any of that shiat!





Another Planet said:


> Ugh this is so complicated...you guys are basically *telling me I should put up with being treated badly in a relationship*. I really don't understand sometimes.



In the former post, you're saying that you only do it when the woman is treating you badly. This is crucial information that you should have included in your initial message, but didn't - your initial post made it sound like you do this with every relationship, when in reality you only do it when the woman is treating you poorly.

In the latter post... if you thought we were telling you to stay in a bad relationship, that should have told you wires got crossed. We would NEVER tell you to stay in a bad relationship. Because we want you to be happy 

And then, finally, you wrote this:



Another Planet said:


> She is NOT doing these things, I am afraid of them happening because yes those are all hypothetical situations that have happened to me in the past.



THIS THIS THIS is really what you wanted advice about. You're worried that she's gonna pull some crazy-ass sh!t on you, and you're worried about how you'll handle it. 

My advice? Don't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. You're having fun and good sex, so ENJOY IT! 

And... when you pose a question to the thread, make sure you're including all the pertinent info. If you do, you might find that you really want the answer to a different question, or perhaps that you already KNOW the answer to your own question.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> And... when you pose a question to the thread, *make sure you're including all the pertinent info. * If you do, you might find that you really want the answer to a different question, or perhaps that you already KNOW the answer to your own question.


Yeah, that would be helpful geez


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> :iagree: I get confused about the conclusions you all jump to also. They always seem to be the extreme negative. Example from just earlier, I am now considered a player for leaving women that abuse me?! Makes no sense to me but so be it.


It was your initial post-referenced in my above post-that implied this "love em and leave em" behavior was habitual and without reason. That behavior would make you a player. Later on, you say that you only do it when your partner in engaging in unhealthy or abusive behavior, and not to ALL partners. That does NOT make you a player.


----------



## Another Planet

Ok it's cleared up. You all should talk about something else now  lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Ok it's cleared up. You all should talk about something else now  lol


Yeah like JB responding to my post I've posted twice already.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You never know who someone is when you first meet. The only way to reduce the amount of incompatible people you spend longer periods of time with is by having good boundaries and a sense of self.

The way you articulate yourself is very open ended. I can see in your posts the little stray "stands" left in the open that everyone starts to tug on. After they pull on it and show you, the story seems to change.

It's a strong sign of insecurity. While you are afraid of being hurt, you're also afraid of being alone. How would that not create internal dilemmas?

Furthermore, you seek advise on a thread FULL of members in various stages of life. Instead of personally seeking counseling or therapy to get to the bottom of obvious issues you struggle with.

All your external worries are straight up internal issues. Projection. There's nothing wrong with that, all it means is that you have work to do.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah like JB responding to my post I've posted twice already.


:iagree:

Thank you for the response Daddio.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> AP, we jump to conclusions because you ask for advice, but your posts never contain the pertinent information! We give you advice/respond based on the information you give us.


Agreed. It seems that AP says something, we respond, and then backtracks and says "that's not what I meant! You guys are overreacting/telling me the wrong thing" and tells us we don't understand him and whatnot. Reminds me RandomDude. 



vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah like JB responding to my post I've posted twice already.


Sorry! You know I didn't see your posts at all if not I wouldn't have asked again. You know, I am really an old woman trapped inside this young body! I can't remember a damn thing ever. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> The way you articulate yourself is very open ended. I can see in your posts the little stray "stands" left in the open that everyone starts to tug on. *After they pull on it and show you, the story seems to change*.


This is what I was saying.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> JB - have you tried any meetup groups yet just to get yourself out there a little more?
> 
> *I think you are going to have to put some effort into dating in order to find Mr. Sex Jelly.* So maybe jump on tinder/match/ok cupid or whatever and start chatting with potentials
> 
> Not gonna get anywhere by just hoping someone will come along.* And its already April!* Y*ou got 8 months to get laid.* Y*ou don't do ONS or random casual sex, so figure it will take you at least a month or two to find someone worth going on a date with. Then probably another month to see if you like them. So potentially could get laid by July* if you start looking now.


Haha! Love this! And I LOVE how you broke down a timeline for me!!! 


:rofl: So awesome, Vi! Idk how to put myself out there at all. I seriously almost have zero free time between work/lectures. Lately the only time I am resting is when I am asleep. It's literally one thing and then off to another. My brain feels like it's going to fall out of my head. Am generally a busy person but lately it's even worse! 

Yeah I wish I could met some hot dude... a Mr. SEX Jelly but alas........... it ian't happening it seems. I hear you though and I appreciate your concern and advice.

And by the way guys...today is three years exactly since my divorce. 
Mr. ExJelly texted me yesterday. Funny. I am not sure I thought we'd still be in touch at this point and am not sure most folks are w/o anything tying them like kids post-divorce, but at the same time, I am not surprised. I guess I make a great ex wife. :scratchhead


----------



## lisab0105

AP, being with someone is ALWAYS going to be a risk, regardless of what we have all been through before. 

Don't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. It could, but what if it doesn't and she is the real deal...how great will that be for you both?? 

Just ask yourself this...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> She is NOT doing these things, I am afraid of them happening because yes those are all hypothetical situations that have happened to me in the past.


Then stop worrying and be glad that you will know what to do if those kinds of things happen. And there is no need to invest too much, just enjoy the relationship for what it is at this time and if it keeps going well then enjoy it for what it becomes, all the while treating her respectfully and lovingly and making decisions you know are right for you.


----------



## Another Planet

Ok guys. I am very happy at the moment with life in general. 
I never even asked for advice this morning. I stated that I was happy and just that basically I hope it doesn't get messed up and included a way I react to being mistreated and then it snowballed into everything else which I had absolutely no intention of...yes I guess I was kind of vague I apologize and I am not saying I am not insecure but that is not the reason why I don't include every single detail of my life. Again it is hard to explain everything AND as I have said before I don't know why anyone would actually be interested so I don't want to cram my entire life story down your guy's throats.

In the future I will try not to say things that are open ended because it obviously just never ends well. Now Unsure won't talk to me


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed. It seems that AP says something, we respond, and then backtracks and says "that's not what I meant! You guys are overreacting/telling me the wrong thing" and tells us we don't understand him and whatnot. Reminds me RandomDude.


There was never a story to change or back track on? I never said anything other then how I react to something, you guys filled in the blanks with your own story. Which is understandable because I was so vague, I mean what else can you do but make assumptions when I don't tell all right?


----------



## Lon

Another Planet said:


> Ok guys. I am very happy at the moment with life in general.
> I never even asked for advice this morning. I stated that I was happy and just that basically I hope it doesn't get messed up...


I just think that most of us picked up on the negative vibe that this message intends (ie that there is a probability of it getting messed up). Really, at this point in your relationship with her, you shouldn't really be invested so much with that fear because if something gets messed up, so what? Better to find out about possible dealbreakers early on so you can go on to the next. And if it doesn't mess up, then great! That is what we all want in life - a partner who we work well with that does it for us and vice versa. But until you make an explicit commitment, all relationships are optional, and it is awesme that you have found an option that makes you happy!


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> I just think that most of us picked up on the negative vibe that this message intends (ie that there is a probability of it getting messed up). Really, at this point in your relationship with her, you shouldn't really be invested so much with that fear because if something gets messed up, so what? Better to find out about possible dealbreakers early on so you can go on to the next. And if it doesn't mess up, then great! That is what we all want in life - a partner who we work well with that does it for us and vice versa. But until you make an explicit commitment, all relationships are optional, and *it is awesme that you have found an option that makes you happy*!


Thank you much 
I did not intend on a negative vibe, it was really just a general comment. I am very aware that at any point it could go south, actually both of us understand that because we try to be very straight forward with each other. 
Thank you all!  Internet high fives :smthumbup:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Not to be a party pooper, but AP I don't think you are ready for dating..........just an observation. It really isn't fair to the person you are seeing.


----------



## Another Planet

Yes I know, like no one here does. I guess I am also a player. 
I also have done everything else wrong. I am aware of all of that and I will make sure she knows.

I don't understand why there is a huge target on me. Vi was just saying yesterday about how she was triggering about the fitness talk stuff, that would mean she is not over her ex right so why do you guys support her dating? I personally don't care if she is, a matter of fact I think it is awesome that she is and am very happy for her.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> There was never a story to change or back track on? I never said anything other then how I react to something, you guys filled in the blanks with your own story. Which is understandable because I was so vague, I mean what else can you do but make assumptions when I don't tell all right?


No, it's a general observation, the pattern of your posting. Many times when we say things in response to things you have posted, you seem to get prickly, tell us we are wrong and we are making something out of nothing, that your post meant something different and then the narrative changes.

If you are happy, great.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Yes I know, like no one here does. I guess I am also a player.
> I also have done everything else wrong. I am aware of all of that and I will make sure she knows.
> 
> I don't understand why there is a huge target on me. Vi was just saying yesterday about how she was triggering about the fitness talk stuff, that would mean she is not over her ex right so why do you guys support her dating? I personally don't care if she is, a matter of fact I think it is awesome that she is and am very happy for her.


Nobody is targeting you. You seem to think we're out to get you. We're not. We're your friends. You post things and we respond, much like everyone does here. I have been told things I didn't want to hear on occasion to. But sometimes the outside looking in challenges what you think you know. Like Vi telling me I should prob put myself out there more if I want to get laid this year. I personally hadn't really even thought that was an issue, but she's right. I should prob put myself out there more. I find a lot of times when people get upset, it's because a nerve has been struck..that may be onto something. So they start deflecting.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> No, it's a general observation, the pattern of your posting. Many times when we say things in response to things you have posted, you seem to get prickly, tell us we are wrong and we are making something out of nothing, that your post meant something different and then the narrative changes.
> 
> If you are happy, great.


He DOES seem to get picked on an awful lot here. He seems to be happy with how things are going, so maybe folks can give him some breathing room to either fail or succeed with what he is doing.


----------



## vi_bride04

Now I'M getting picked on...

wtf guys 

hahahaha


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Now I'M getting picked on...
> 
> wtf guys
> 
> hahahaha


Haha, if anyone deserves to be picked on, its MY stupid ass!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Now I'M getting picked on...
> 
> wtf guys
> 
> hahahaha


We all jumped in with parole hat... told you that was a bad idea

I was jumped on for killer...oh and for slow hat...

Sometimes you guys point stuff out that you dont see when you are in the weeds
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Let me be more clear because you guys always jump to conclusions with me. I am fine with stuff until I get feelings but then say you spend more time talking to your GF's BF then me I will check out or if you sleep with some random dude at a party I will check out or if you ask for $50 over and over I will check out...
> And if you guys are telling me those kind of actions are excusable then Fck women because they are *******s.
> 
> I am not talking about just leaving for no reason


Those are extremely good reasons to check out of a relationship. They are not a reason to do so without explanation, though. You could simply say, "Hey, I think xyz thing is a problem for me and it indicates that we're not really compatible. I've enjoyed our time together, but I think we should stop seeing each other. Good Luck." Firm, direct, reasonable.

You should not put up with women who flirt with other men instead of you, treat you like a personal banker, or cheat. That's uncool behavior. Of course, if you disappear without giving a reason? That's a separate sort of uncool behavior. Leaving in that case? Good; indicative of self-respect. Doing so without a word? cowardly and immature. Giving a reason and stating the problem gives you both closure and you can both move on to find people whose values are more aligned with yours.

IMO, your previous post made it seem like you disappear as soon as you develop feelings, not as soon as you notice transgression.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> Yes I know, like no one here does. I guess I am also a player.
> I also have done everything else wrong. I am aware of all of that and I will make sure she knows.
> 
> I don't understand why there is a huge target on me. Vi was just saying yesterday about how she was triggering about the fitness talk stuff, that would mean she is not over her ex right so why do you guys support her dating? I personally don't care if she is, a matter of fact I think it is awesome that she is and am very happy for her.


Please stop with the victim mentality. Please. It's just an observation.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Now I'M getting picked on...
> 
> wtf guys
> 
> hahahaha


LOL I wasn't picking on you. I was pointing out that you pointed out (lol) that I should put myself out more and that it is good you said that cause you were offering me a different POV/objective opinion.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yep and I got jumped on about needing to tell my stalker to BACK DA F off!

It's all meant for the greater good.


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, if anyone deserves to be picked on, its MY stupid ass!


Well, that depends...are you _still_ being a stupid ass? No fibbing!!! :nono:

_*Please say no, please say no, please say no!*_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> It's all meant for the greater good.


Yesssssssss!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Please stop with the victim mentality. Please. It's just an observation.


Uggggh victim really? How in what way? That is insane :scratchhead:
I don't want ANYONE to feel sorry for me wtf would I want any of you to feel sorry for me, I am very happy right now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Well, that depends...are you _still_ being a stupid ass? No fibbing!!! :nono:
> 
> _*Please say no, please say no, please say no!*_


I wish I could honestly say no.  Hopefully pulling myself out of it. I am not doing well.


----------



## moxy

AP, you may not intend your posts to be negative, but somehow, there is a lot of negativity and sensitivity in your posts. Relax. No one means you harm. If you're getting upset, stop and ask yourself if the tension might be caused by miscommunication. Clarify first, react second. You are probably not seeing the negativity and sensitivity others are seeing because we are on the outside looking in and we only see what you tell us by way of your observations. You're guarded. We see that as distance, not the reason for the distance, because we're outside your experience.


----------



## Another Planet

D2H Here I'll break it down for you then please tell me how I am trying to be a victim.

"Yes I know, like no one here does. I guess I am also a player."
"I also have done everything else wrong. I am aware of all of that and I will make sure she knows."
---I was totally being a sarcastic eyes rolling arsehole---I was pointing out that I don't exactly listen to everything you guys say, then showing that you all tend to jump to conclusions before you even know the facts and fill in the blanks with your own false facts.

"I don't understand why there is a huge target on me. Vi was just saying yesterday about how she was triggering about the fitness talk stuff, that would mean she is not over her ex right so why do you guys support her dating? I personally don't care if she is, a matter of fact I think it is awesome that she is and am very happy for her."
---This IS the absolute truth---You guys just spent the entire day talking about me! What more sign of a target do you need LOL! There is countless pages of conversation just concerning me here in this thread, which I am very grateful for the help and guidance but I am just pointing that out.

Again I thank you all for the help and guidance it is much appreciated...<---not sarcastic lol


----------



## Lon

You can't finish "not sarcastic" with a 'lol" that is impossible in the rules of the universe. 😉


----------



## jpr

sooooo, Lon.

How is the weather?

Whatcha having for dinner tonight? ...bacon?


----------



## Lon

Weather is finally above freezing. No bacon tonight, but vagina is on the menu.


----------



## Lon

Oops is that TMI?


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok, is this cheesy or cute - "you make me feel like an excited kid at an amusement park when I am with you"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> Oops is that TMI?



Not for this thread - someone was talking about "rubbing one off" earlier lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Hows the sexy sex with the bf jpr? What's the record up to know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

AP - my opinion, just cause 

You've been burned in the past. Dear lord haven't we all. Those things stick to you eh? Fvck be nice if they didn't. But they do. Stick to you like g*d damn gum on your shoe. Gross. 
So now you find yourself in this new thing with someone you like, have some chemistry with, have good vibes with, etc. She is also displaying good vibes towards you. 

But...you've been burned so much that in your head you are just waiting for it to happen again. that is what I am reading in your posts because I am the same way. 

So instead of waiting to get burned, you bolt when you start having major feelings for someone. You have to work thru those anxieties or you're going to lose someone great. 

Bleacher hasn't given you any reason to think she is a beotch so try not to think she is one in hiding. She has never given you a reason not to trust her or not believe her...so trust her and believe her. 

Sounds simple eh? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> Not for this thread - someone was talking about "rubbing one off" earlier lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


that was inspired by my earlier advice.


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok, is this cheesy or cute - "you make me feel like an excited kid at an amusement park when I am with you"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Going with cheesy on that one lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok, is this cheesy or cute - "you make me feel like an excited kid at an amusement park when I am with you"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


cheezerama.

unless it was followed up by "I want to race my log down your wet flume"


----------



## unsure78

I dont think im going to do to much this weekend... dinner with friends tomorrow night.... seeing the future mr unsure on sunday, so at least ill be getting laid 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> cheezerama.
> 
> unless it was followed up by "I want to race my log down your wet flume"


Then it would be cheesy and skeevy.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Then it would be cheesy and skeevy.


Cheevy.


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> cheezerama.
> 
> unless it was followed up by "I want to race my log down your wet flume"


Lol, no not quite but....
I was venting about an awful meeting I was sitting in so he said it to make me laugh, which I thought was cute. He's making it to date number 3...I don't think that has happened before...feels odd.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Skeesy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> I dont think im going to do to much this weekend... dinner with friends tomorrow night.... seeing the future mr unsure on sunday, so at least ill be getting laid
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sounds like a pretty damn good weekend to me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> Sounds like a pretty damn good weekend to me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea it will be nice.... and if things go according to plan the getting laid part will occur in a huge double shower all surrounded by glass.... heheheh my boobs will totally be put up against the glass  such fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> Yea it will be nice.... and if things go according to plan the getting laid part will occur in a huge double shower all surrounded by glass.... heheheh my boobs will totally be put up against the glass  such fun!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Haha!! Now that is an image!! 

So question - do you think crazy "kinky" sex can go along with "love"? My ex would never equate the two...it sucked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> I dont think im going to do to much this weekend... dinner with friends tomorrow night.... seeing the future mr unsure on sunday, so at least ill be getting laid
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I invited disc golf hat out, we'll see. He works 2nd and works Saturday mornings so finding a time to get together takes some planning. Hope he's up for a spontaneous couple hour get together. I like him. My sister wants to hang out after her shift too so I know I'll be doing something tonight regardless.

My gf was supposed to come over tomorrow for some baking and dinner and wine....looks like she might bail. Hope to find out soon so maybe I can make other plans.


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> Haha!! Now that is an image!!
> 
> So question - do you think crazy "kinky" sex can go along with "love"? My ex would never equate the two...it sucked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sure... I think there is room for both 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

familyfirst09 said:


> Haha!! Now that is an image!!
> 
> So question - do you think crazy "kinky" sex can go along with "love"? My ex would never equate the two...it sucked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound like someone who enjoys sex, FF 

I think sexual compatibility is important in love, so if you are kinky, your partner should be too. I do not see why you can't be kinky when in love.


----------



## unsure78

Ever notice that all the women on this thread really like sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> Haha!! Now that is an image!!
> 
> So question - do you think crazy "kinky" sex can go along with "love"? My ex would never equate the two...it sucked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course it can!


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Ever notice that all the women on this thread really like sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And hot, kinky, raw sex


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> And hot, kinky, raw sex


Damn straight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Hell ya!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> You sound like someone who enjoys sex, FF
> 
> I think sexual compatibility is important in love, so if you are kinky, your partner should be too. I do not see why you can't be kinky when in love.



Truth be told, I do. Alot!!! Huge huge issue in my marriage cause ex didn't like it, he never even "rubbed" and I'm not joking. We went to counselling near the end where I finally broke down and told him "seriously spank my ass or I'm done!" lol so he tried for a bit but it just wasn't in him so he stopped trying. He never talked, barely moaned and was done in less than a minute. It sucked. I enjoy everything about sex and the good sex I have had recently (Fwb guy not it guy) has only proved how much I need that kinda gooooooood sex in a relationship. Gotta have it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> And hot, kinky, raw sex



Fvck ya!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Lon, with Lent underway and all, it probably good you were foregoing the bacon. 

....oh, come to think of it-the vagina thing is probably a no no too.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Lon, with Lent underway and all, it probably good you were foregoing the bacon.
> 
> ....oh, come to think of it-the vagina thing is probably a no no too.


I'm not Catholic... So it's all good.


----------



## unsure78

Arrrgggggggggg... my exh is an a$$ who once again blew off CS, how many behind is that now 3 or 5... oh plus the year he paid nothing.... oh but you know hes going to move into an apartment next week (first time in 3 yrs not bumming a couch or renting a bedroom from a friend) so hes "has to pay for that"... cause you know clearly CS is frieking optional... its not like your exw doesn't have a mortgage and daycare to pay all for your son who I have all the time but 4 days a month ...

Douche canoe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> Arrrgggggggggg... my exh is an a$$ who once again blew off CS, how many behind is that now 3 or 5... oh plus the year he paid nothing.... oh but you know hes going to move into an apartment next week (first time in 3 yrs not bumming a couch or renting a bedroom from a friend) so hes "has to pay for that"... cause you know clearly CS is frieking optional... its not like your exw doesn't have a mortgage and daycare to pay all for your son who I have all the time but 4 days a month ...
> 
> Douche canoe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh what a scumbag!!! Do you have any type of maintenance enforcement program you can go to to get the money from him so you don't have to deal with it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Lol we never got it set up because he didnt have a job when we divorced... when I brought up going to court about a year ago when he finally got a job, he threatened to quit the job and move to thousands of miles away to live with his mom... so he would never see the kid... 

And I dont doubt for a second he would do it... he cut out all his family already that didn't agree with him cheating on me... plus it will cost me more money to take him to court, I paid for all the the divorce. ..

Yes I am aware that I am letting him get away with it by not enforcing consequences and taking him to court... Unfortunately he is the one person who threats still have an impact on me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> D2H Here I'll break it down for you then please tell me how I am trying to be a victim.
> 
> "Yes I know, like no one here does. I guess I am also a player."
> "I also have done everything else wrong. I am aware of all of that and I will make sure she knows."
> ---I was totally being a sarcastic eyes rolling arsehole---I was pointing out that I don't exactly listen to everything you guys say, then showing that you all tend to jump to conclusions before you even know the facts and fill in the blanks with your own false facts.
> 
> "I don't understand why there is a huge target on me. Vi was just saying yesterday about how she was triggering about the fitness talk stuff, that would mean she is not over her ex right so why do you guys support her dating? I personally don't care if she is, a matter of fact I think it is awesome that she is and am very happy for her."
> ---This IS the absolute truth---You guys just spent the entire day talking about me! What more sign of a target do you need LOL! There is countless pages of conversation just concerning me here in this thread, which I am very grateful for the help and guidance but I am just pointing that out.
> 
> Again I thank you all for the help and guidance it is much appreciated...<---not sarcastic lol


You don't have to explain. Victim mentality isn't about getting someone to feel sorry for you. It's blaming people on a message board for painting you as a target because you have shown, up to this point, to have massive emotional issues.

Fact is, you aren't a player, I sure as hell believe that. You come off as a lacking boundries, no self confidence, coward. You are scared about hurting a girl because you can't nut up and be a man? "Oh she was abusive and deserved me going dark so that validates my actions"...Victim, victim, victim. 

Sorry to be harsh, but dang dude. Go find your balls.....

And I say all this with the upmost respect, because I see it all the time. Sometimes the truth hurts.

And, I apologize for being harsh, but GOOD GRIEF.


----------



## muskrat

Sorry Unsure, he must be a real loser. My feelings on CS may differ than most however. I am a little bitter about how that all worked out for me.

Since I have no dating life to speak of, this is a topic I can join.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Sorry Unsure, he must be a real loser. My feelings on CS may differ than most however. I am a little bitter about how that all worked out for me.
> 
> Since I have no dating life to speak of, this is a topic I can join.


Oh Rat thanks... its ok I was just venting. . Got to get it out somewhere... and like I said part of this is my fault, I still allow him to treat me that way because I do not enforce consequences... but I have come a long way if you remember 

No dating for you lately? Why not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> Sorry Unsure, he must be a real loser. My feelings on CS may differ than most however. I am a little bitter about how that all worked out for me.
> 
> Since I have no dating life to speak of, this is a topic I can join.


Rat, I hear you. My CS is a little high, and I get venom from the ex on everything. It's quite laughable. Oh well, I'm making more money now so it is working out. 

Unsure, very unfortunate. But mostly, for your son.


----------



## muskrat

I have joint custody and was giving my ex $400 a month. She decided that wasn't enough and took me to court for more. It didn't go well for me. I am surprised how many people, women included, that don't realize that even though the kids live with me half the time that I still have to pay cs.

As far as dating goes, if I wanted women either 10 years older than me or that weigh more than me, I would have all the dates I want. Seriously, is it to much to ask for a woman that is within a couple years of my age and weighs under 220? I am 6'2", 220 isn't so bad on my frame. But at 5'4" 220 is a bit much.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Rat, I hear you. My CS is a little high, and I get venom from the ex on everything. It's quite laughable. Oh well, I'm making more money now so it is working out.
> 
> Unsure, very unfortunate. But mostly, for your son.


Yes. .. I work extremely hard to counterbalance the negativity, poor role model of a man, and general chaioticness of my ex all without putting my ex down to my son... in truth at this point I primarily parent with no real help.

Though I think ive been doing a good job, my son kindergarten teacher remarked how well adjusted he is and to keep doing whatever i was doing knowing his family situation... also I happend to bring DS to my therapist this week cause he was on spring break... and she remarked also how well adjusted and what a good kid he was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> I have joint custody and was giving my ex $400 a month. She decided that wasn't enough and took me to court for more. It didn't go well for me. I am surprised how many people, women included, that don't realize that even though the kids live with me half the time that I still have to pay cs.
> 
> As far as dating goes, if I wanted women either 10 years older than me or that weigh more than me, I would have all the dates I want. Seriously, is it to much to ask for a woman that is within a couple years of my age and weighs under 220? I am 6'2", 220 isn't so bad on my frame. But at 5'4" 220 is a bit much.


Yeah. I know. I pay a lot. But, I have more money than I ever had being married. She was a total spender, so I'm fine giving her the $$$ in order to be rid of her. lol 

EWWW on the dating. Sounds like slim pickings over there!



> Though I think ive been doing a good job, my son kindergarten teacher remarked how well adjusted he is and to keep doing whatever i was doing knowing his family situation... also I happend to bring DS to my therapist this week cause he was on spring break... and she remarked also how well adjusted and what a good kid he was.


Good for him....keep it up. Don't go all "instant family" with the future mr unsure.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I have joint custody and was giving my ex $400 a month. She decided that wasn't enough and took me to court for more. It didn't go well for me. I am surprised how many people, women included, that don't realize that even though the kids live with me half the time that I still have to pay cs.
> 
> As far as dating goes, if I wanted women either 10 years older than me or that weigh more than me, I would have all the dates I want. Seriously, is it to much to ask for a woman that is within a couple years of my age and weighs under 220? I am 6'2", 220 isn't so bad on my frame. But at 5'4" 220 is a bit much.


Hmmm Rat... what happened to all thoes college age girls a year back? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Yeah. I know. I pay a lot. But, I have more money than I ever had being married. She was a total spender, so I'm fine giving her the $$$ in order to be rid of her. lol
> 
> EWWW on the dating. Sounds like slim pickings over there!
> 
> 
> 
> Good for him....keep it up. Don't go all "instant family" with the future mr unsure.


Oh hell no... I have a min 6 month to 1 yr wait before introductions are even considered. .. very protective of my guys emotional well being.... saddest day of my life was not the day my ex left me but the day he told my son. My 3 yr old cried his eyes out saying "daddy I dont want you leave, I want you to live here" broke my heart.. no, no one plays family with my son unless its serious. ..

Ive been single now for two years no one has met my son, other than the engy and that was once in passing for 10 mins while he helped me fix something. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Hmmm Rat... what happened to all thoes college age girls a year back? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That was just a faze. I just want to find someone in their 30's and in reasonable physical condition. Seems that is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Not to mention online dating is a total waste of time and money.
On the bright side I have gotten more involved in my community, mainly my church. I am a member of the men's fraternity, I will be coaching the softball team and just last week I went on my first missions trip. Through these activities I have made some great friends. So other than dating my life has been going really well. I will also be participating in a fathers rights assembly at the state capital in June.

I am really sorry that your ex refuses to be a father to your son. He doesn't realize the person he is hurting the most is your son!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Oh hell no... I have a min 6 to 1 yr wait before introductions are even considered. .. very protective of my guys emotional well being.... saddest day of my life was not the day my ex left me but the day he told my son. My 3 yr old cried his eyes out saying "daddy I dont want you leave, I want you to live here" broke my heart.. no, no one plays family with my son unless its serious. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You know I'm just messing with you. You and I are similar with the dating boundries and kids.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> You know I'm just messing with you. You and I are similar with the dating boundries and kids.


Sorry im off my game tonight, im far to serious today.. 

We can go back to talking about my boobs on glass in the future mr unsure huge shower this weekend... that was non serious 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think a bit of projection is natural for this crowd. AP there is only concern for your heart being broken. But really we all wish you the best because the more of us that find what it is we're looking for, the more optimistic we ALL can be! 

I hope all of your positive feelings pan out and whether she's around for 6 months or the rest of your life, enjoy! They don't all have to be forever. We can all date people who simply make us happy, enjoy the here and now, and move on if it becomes obvious it's not a "forever" relationship.


----------



## ne9907

I am making too much of this, i know

But...
So I had a date with blue eyes for this saturday, i have my national guard drill and we are spending friday, and saturday in the field.

I texted him this morning with the information but he hasnt gotten back to me yet.....

Should I follow up with a call? Or just let it go, and assume he read the message, thinks I am not interested, and making all of this up?
He knows I am in the guard, he also knows I have drill this weekend, btu he didnt know I would be staying in the field


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am making too much of this, i know
> 
> But...
> So I had a date with blue eyes for this saturday, i have my national guard drill and we are spending friday, and saturday in the field.
> 
> I texted him this morning with the information but he hasnt gotten back to me yet.....
> 
> Should I follow up with a call? Or just let it go, and assume he read the message, thinks I am not interested, and making all of this up?
> He knows I am in the guard, he also knows I have drill this weekend, btu he didnt know I would be staying in the field


In the message, did you offer an alternate (specific) rain date to make up for it? I might think if a specific make-up date wasn't suggested, that the person cancelling wasn't actually interested and might be trying to ghost.


----------



## FeministInPink

But I also SUCK at dating, so you probably shouldn't listen to me.


----------



## ne9907

Yes, I suggested an alternate date.


----------



## FeministInPink

familyfirst09 said:


> Truth be told, I do. Alot!!! Huge huge issue in my marriage cause ex didn't like it, he never even "rubbed" and I'm not joking. We went to counselling near the end where I finally broke down and told him "seriously spank my ass or I'm done!" lol so he tried for a bit but it just wasn't in him so he stopped trying. He never talked, barely moaned and was done in less than a minute. It sucked. I enjoy everything about sex and the good sex I have had recently (Fwb guy not it guy) has only proved how much I need that kinda gooooooood sex in a relationship. Gotta have it.


Me, too! Though my XH definitely rubbed and was all about the porn, just wouldn't do it to me. Ah, the lovely manipulative, controlling behaviors of my NPD XH. Gotta love it. <note sarcasm>


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Yes, I suggested an alternate date.


I would call, just to make sure. If he's ghosting you, then so what? It calls him on his bullsh!t. If he actually missed the message, then he'll appreciate it.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I know we were talking about working out the other day.....

divine knowledge from Elliott.....I love this guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIPF14Dk17E


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure, sorry to hear about the dummy you have to deal with. That royally sucks. Can you take him to court for negligence and not holding up to his CS? What a bonehead!



muskrat said:


> That was just a faze. I just want to find someone in their 30's and in reasonable physical condition. Seems that is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Not to mention online dating is a total waste of time and money.


Hey now! I am one of those needles! We do exist!

Muskrat--how old are you? I always forget... 30s or 40s? 30s, right? I am so terrible at remembering things. 

Today I was dialing my sister's #, which I have dialed a million times before and was almost done when I thought...oh wait, what is her #? I felt so STOOPID. And yes, I could have clicked on her name and dialed but sometimes I like to do it manually (cause I'm old school like that). Hehehe.



ne9907 said:


> So I had a date with blue eyes for this saturday, i have my national guard drill and we are spending friday, and saturday in the field.
> 
> I texted him this morning with the information but he hasnt gotten back to me yet.....
> 
> Should I follow up with a call?


NOPE. You alrelady reached out to him with the info and even offered him an alternate date. Wait for him to respond. 

See, this reminds me of Feminist. Feminist had plans to meet that one dude and texted him in the morning. He never responded to her. She showed up and guess what...he was nowhere to be found.

Do not contact him again.

I actually got kinda stood up today, sort. I say sort of because someone invited me out for drinks earlier this week and I said sure. This morning he texted me saying good morning! And I texted back pleasantries. Then he simply never wrote me all day long. I did not go meet up to where we were supposed to for drinks. What's the point. And before I hit the gym this evening he texted me saying he had to cancel because he got so busy at work. I had already been home for awhile and was getting to walk out to get my fitness on. I didn't respond to him for another two hours and said "Yeah I figured as much when you never tesponded to my text." Boom! 

I hate when people do sh*t like that. 

Oh and I did see the hot guy at the gym tonight. I think he lives there. But if he lives there then that means he may think I live there, too. We are on teh same schedule it seems. It doesn't matter if I go late or early, we run into eachother. 

Oh and Stalker reached out to me again asking how I am. And one guy I met via colleagues asked me out to a bar tonight (not the one who bailed on drinks, a different one) but I declined because I am spent. I think he likes me. I don't find him that attractive but he is funny as hell. Just a weirdo which is cool. 



FeministInPink said:


> But I also SUCK at dating, so you probably shouldn't listen to me.


:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> See, this reminds me of Feminist. Feminist had plans to meet that one dude and texted him in the morning. He never responded to her. She showed up and guess what...he was nowhere to be found.


I did tell you I suck at dating 

And I may be just a little too hopeful.


----------



## ne9907

He finally texted me and agree to resvhedule. I called him after I received his text to apologize for my poor planning, he sounded understanding. So it's back on! Maybe for Sunday!!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I did tell you I suck at dating
> 
> And I may be just a little too hopeful.


No. You don't suck at dating. That guy sucks at dating. Making plans and then bailing. What a fckin loser! 


Ne--sweet!


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> You don't have to explain. Victim mentality isn't about getting someone to feel sorry for you. It's blaming people on a message board for painting you as a target because you have shown, up to this point, to have massive emotional issues.
> 
> Fact is, you aren't a player, I sure as hell believe that. You come off as a lacking boundries, no self confidence, coward. You are scared about hurting a girl because you can't nut up and be a man? "Oh she was abusive and deserved me going dark so that validates my actions"...Victim, victim, victim.
> 
> Sorry to be harsh, but dang dude. Go find your balls.....
> 
> And I say all this with the upmost respect, because I see it all the time. Sometimes the truth hurts.
> 
> And, I apologize for being harsh, but GOOD GRIEF.


Show me the light please, take me under your wing!(<not sarcastic) I obviously don't understand. Take it to Pm's though.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Hey now! I am one of those needles! We do exist!
> 
> Muskrat--how old are you? I always forget... 30s or 40s? 30s, right? I am so terrible at remembering things.



I am 35. So I figured looking for a woman between 30 and 40 should be sufficient.
I know there are some needles in the haystack, I must be in the wrong field though. :rofl: If you know where to find these needles like you please let me know. You seem to even have similar morals as me. That is a rare thing I find these days.


----------



## ne9907

Ugh... I hate acting this way.... but
after i apologized for my poor planning, blue eyes began texting me. What ensued next was a three hour flirty text messages. I am not used to these type of messages.
It went well, our date is set for Sunday. 
I definitely will need to "rub one in" (?) before our date.

I am enjoying the courting proccess too much and I dont want to ruin it with premature sex.
Plus, he is going on vacation on the 10th.... So I will hold off on sex.


----------



## whitehawk

Just deleted a string of new posts by yours truly because l couldn't be fkd explaining them.
So if ya see em and now ya don't that's all it was .
That is all


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I am 35. So I figured looking for a woman between 30 and 40 should be sufficient.
> I know there are some needles in the haystack, I must be in the wrong field though. :rofl: If you know where to find these needles like you please let me know. You seem to even have similar morals as me. That is a rare thing I find these days.



There's plenty around , more , abundant. Hell l was worried but since l've been getting out there a bit l'm more worried now about stumbling into something too serious too soon. Just cruise Rat and one day - walla - she will appear mate . Enjoy the you time :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Ex still won't sign the form, says her hands are clean... right -.-

So either I wait it out until she finds someone and finds herself in the situation I'm in... or I lodge it and come what may with the dramas.

Current date won't move forward with me while I'm still "married"... bah! Maybe should have just made her a FWB after all


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> Ex still won't sign the form, says her hands are clean... right -.-
> 
> So either I wait it out until she finds someone and finds herself in the situation I'm in... or I lodge it and come what may with the dramas.
> 
> Current date won't move forward with me while I'm still "married"... bah! Maybe should have just made her a FWB after all


You actually met someone with integrity up to their ears, what makes you think she would have just screwed you endlessly without strings? Don't burn the bridge RD, try to keep her in your life in some platonic way until you are divorced. She sounds like a good woman to me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

whitehawk said:


> There's plenty around , more , abundant. Hell l was worried but since l've been getting out there a bit l'm more worried now about stumbling into something too serious too soon. Just cruise Rat and one day - walla - she will appear mate . Enjoy the you time :smthumbup:


I'm in no hurry WH. I'm not sure I have time for a serious relationship anyhow. Of course if I met the right person that could change, where there's a will, there's a way. It would just be nice to go on a few decent dates.


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> Lol, no not quite but....
> I was venting about an awful meeting I was sitting in so he said it to make me laugh, which I thought was cute. He's making it to date number 3...I don't think that has happened before...feels odd.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Well, I thought it was kind of cute.


----------



## ne9907

I think blue eyes is a player. 
We have been commucating through mesages/text for about two weeks.
Had first date wednesday.
Next date planned for tomorrow.
He texted me this morning to say that "thinking.about tomorrow gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling"

I am like... dude we just met!! But I didnt say that, I just made a lame joke and that was it. He is working today, so not stressing over him not replying


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I think blue eyes is a player.
> We have been commucating through mesages/text for about two weeks.
> Had first date wednesday.
> Next date planned for tomorrow.
> He texted me this morning to say that "thinking.about tomorrow gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling"
> 
> I am like... dude we just met!! But I didnt say that, I just made a lame joke and that was it. He is working today, so not stressing over him not replying


His statement might be a little sappy and a little fuzzy, but that just means he's into you. Why would a statement in which he claims to be interested indicate that he's a player? Wouldn't a player be doing the opposite, like not really showing an interest? And, weren't you thinking about texting him in a similar way just the other day?

Don't worry about it or project your worries so much. Soon, you'll have another date. It might rock. It might suck. In the meantime, just do things that make you happy and/or productive in the direction of your goals.


----------



## jpr

I ate bacon today, Lon.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I ate bacon today, Lon.


How was it?

I couldn't eat bacon right now, my tummy is not doing good, and I'm gonna be at the Steve Miller band concert in about an hour. Looking forward to the show but I hope I'm not in the washroom the whole time.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am at home cooking dinner, drinking red wine and listening to John Coltrane. Good evening. 



RandomDude said:


> Ex still won't sign the form, says her hands are clean... right -.-


UGH. How annoying! Can the judge sign for her? Is there anything you can do? 



muskrat said:


> I am 35. So I figured looking for a woman between 30 and 40 should be sufficient.
> I know there are some needles in the haystack, I must be in the wrong field though. :rofl: If you know where to find these needles like you please let me know. You seem to even have similar morals as me. That is a rare thing I find these days.


Hehe. Morals and mayhem. I will tell ya, Musk. Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur. I truly feel like an old woman trapped in this body. Hahaha. And I agree some of our thinking may be "rare/old/weird." Ah well. Takes all kinds, right?


----------



## jpr

Lon said:


> How was it?
> 
> I couldn't eat bacon right now, my tummy is not doing good, and I'm gonna be at the Steve Miller band concert in about an hour. Looking forward to the show but I hope I'm not in the washroom the whole time.


Uh oh.




Tummy problems are the worst.


I hope you are able to make it through the show, Space Cowboy.


Maurice.


----------



## Another Planet

All this bacon and vagina talk jeez


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I'm in no hurry WH. I'm not sure I have time for a serious relationship anyhow. Of course if I met the right person that could change, where there's a will, there's a way. It would just be nice to go on a few decent dates.



Yeah , one thing l'm really bleeding about is Pocket Rocket not going anywhere.
We just had soooo much going for us and got along so well.
But on that time thing , having our kids p/t and my work hours , stuff she was doing and her spare time , it would've just been so perfect .
She even lives up the coast from me too so we both would've loved cruising up and down to each others places. Woulda been a great share life right now .

Such a shame , strange how it just wasn't there for me with her. l'll never stumble across all that again .


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> UGH. How annoying! Can the judge sign for her? Is there anything you can do?


Been trying to avoid court hence the waiting out - looks like there's no other choice =/



lisab0105 said:


> You actually met someone with integrity up to their ears, what makes you think she would have just screwed you endlessly without strings? Don't burn the bridge RD, try to keep her in your life in some platonic way until you are divorced. She sounds like a good woman to me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll be keeping her on the side, but looks like I'll be spending more time with option number 2, and may get option number 3 this week as another spare.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> I'll be keeping her on the side, but looks like I'll be spending more time with option number 2, and may get option number 3 this week as another spare.


On the side? As another spare?

You do realize you're talking about human beings and not just tires for a car or something, right?

Probably, you're just being cavalier and comical, but this kind of dehumanizing is kinda unpleasant.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm just annoyed, don't mind me 

I'd rather just date this one and not have to settle with other options! But, she doesn't want sex unless its exclusive and she doesn't want to be exclusive until I'm divorced -.-

BAH! And ex forcing my hand to have the courts involved in something we can just get over and done with (as if there's chance of reconciliation now - we've been seperated so long)

Tis just frustrating


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> I'm just annoyed, don't mind me
> 
> I'd rather just date this one and not have to settle with other options! But, she doesn't want sex unless its exclusive and she doesn't want to be exclusive until I'm divorced -.-
> 
> BAH! And ex forcing my hand to have the courts involved in something we can just get over and done with (as if there's chance of reconciliation now - we've been seperated so long)
> 
> Tis just frustrating



Well she has integrity for not wanting to sleep with you before your divorce is final. But can't say I would go for committing to an exclusive relationship without knowing how the sex is first! What if it sucks?? Sounds like your values don't match. Move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> Well, I thought it was kind of cute.



Lol Fenix, I thought so too! He's not all cheese, we were joking around yesterday about "sexting" and wow, some of the things he said, hehe. I refused to return any "sexts" as its too soon and that is a boundary for me. I'm actually doing this dating thing right this time!!

I made a comment that I liked him and found it intimidating to trust someone - he knows about my past and understands, he's been cheated on too. His response "well you should like me I hope..thats usually the first step towards a relationship". And then he promptly told me to stop with all the bullsh*t "dating rules" like not texting him until I hear from him. Ha! He totally called me out. He's probably the most perceptive guy I have met. 

Going for tai food Tuesday night 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> Lol Fenix, I thought so too! He's not all cheese, we were joking around yesterday about "sexting" and wow, some of the things he said, hehe. I refused to return any "sexts" as its too soon and that is a boundary for me. I'm actually doing this dating thing right this time!!
> 
> I made a comment that I liked him and found it intimidating to trust someone - he knows about my past and understands, he's been cheated on too. His response "well you should like me I hope..thats usually the first step towards a relationship". And then he promptly told me to stop with all the bullsh*t "dating rules" like not texting him until I hear from him. Ha! He totally called me out. He's probably the most perceptive guy I have met.
> 
> Going for tai food Tuesday night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hes sounds very interesting actually. .. what does he do for a living?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Honestly, rd....talking about females as "Option 2"...."Option 3"...."keeping her on the side"....That kind of talk does sound playa-ish. 

Just sayin'


----------



## unsure78

Jpr... turkey pants and it happens made me laugh so hard I cried last night
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

unsure78 said:


> Hes sounds very interesting actually. .. what does he do for a living?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hes a network admin guy so an IT geek like me 

He definitely is interesting indeed...hes 30 but seems very "wise" when it comes to understanding women (sorry fellas). Hes intriguing and seems to have that combination of sensitivity and kink which is what I need :smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

unsure78 said:


> Jpr... turkey pants and it happens made me laugh so hard I cried last night
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahahahahahahahahaaha.

Turkey Pants.

It happens, okay???!!!??


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> Been trying to avoid court hence the waiting out - looks like there's no other choice =/
> 
> 
> 
> I'll be keeping her on the side, but looks like I'll be spending more time with option number 2, and may get option number 3 this week as another spare.


I am going to be honest, RD...the way you talk about women as spares/options makes me ill. I wonder how they would feel about you if they knew how you referred to them. Seriously, you on are a forum full of women, please have some tact.


----------



## Dollystanford

yeah no kidding


----------



## familyfirst09

And that's why I won't sleep with "random dudes" ha!!

I am not going to be an "option" for anyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Morals and mayhem. I will tell ya, Musk. Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur. I truly feel like an old woman trapped in this body. Hahaha. And I agree some of our thinking may be "rare/old/weird." Ah well. Takes all kinds, right?


Someone told me I have an old soul. My views, values and morals are just so different than the norm now a days. I don't multi date (heck lately I don't date at all), I don't prescribe to the whole fwb thing (I believe sex is something special that should be saved for someone you really care about). I am also a relationship oriented person (I function best as part of a relationship). I could keep going, but I think you all get the point. It just seems there are so few who share these views anymore.


----------



## familyfirst09

muskrat said:


> Someone told me I have an old soul. My views, values and morals are just so different than the norm now a days. I don't multi date (heck lately I don't date at all), I don't prescribe to the whole fwb thing (I believe sex is something special that should be saved for someone you really care about). I am also a relationship oriented person (I function best as part of a relationship). I could keep going, but I think you all get the point. It just seems there are so few who share these views anymore.



I'd say you're a catch just based on that hun . Those values are few and far between nowadays. I'm the same way..even tho I have/had a FWB..well..girl still has needs yanno 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> I'm just annoyed, don't mind me
> 
> I'd rather just date this one and not have to settle with other options! But, she doesn't want sex unless its exclusive and she doesn't want to be exclusive until I'm divorced -.-
> 
> BAH! And ex forcing my hand to have the courts involved in something we can just get over and done with (as if there's chance of reconciliation now - we've been seperated so long)
> 
> Tis just frustrating


So really, you can't live without sex for a bit, huh? Even when you find a girl you like?


----------



## muskrat

RD, my ex was the same way. Like you I was going to just wait her out. I got to a point where I wanted my life back. I no longer wanted to be held hostage by her. I filed for the courts to take over and resolve it. I may end up with a worse deal, but I will gain my freedom and that is worth the price to me.

As for your dating strategy. It sounds to me that all you are trying to do is the ever popular multi dating. You just have an off putting way of stating that.

Once again I prefer the 1 at a time approach. If I am giving someone my undivided attention, I expect the same in return.


----------



## Ikaika

Geez RD women are not Call and Put Options stocks.


----------



## RandomDude

lisab0105 said:


> I am going to be honest, RD...the way you talk about women as spares/options makes me ill. I wonder how they would feel about you if they knew how you referred to them. Seriously, you on are a forum full of women, please have some tact.


I have to take the piss outta the game somehow!

Besides its not like I even enjoy all this multi-dating crap, I was married for years and this lifestyle doesn't really agree with me.

I have to vent somewhere! This forum was where I spout my vomit so my ex didn't have to hear, now it's where my dates won't have to hear! Don't mind me, try to understand



> RD, my ex was the same way. Like you I was going to just wait her out. I got to a point where I wanted my life back. I no longer wanted to be held hostage by her. I filed for the courts to take over and resolve it. I may end up with a worse deal, but I will gain my freedom and that is worth the price to me.


Looks like I've reached that point too... *sigh*



> As for your dating strategy. It sounds to me that all you are trying to do is the ever popular multi dating. You just have an off putting way of stating that.
> 
> Once again I prefer the 1 at a time approach. If I am giving someone my undivided attention, I expect the same in return.


Of course it's off putting, it's off putting to me too. Sure, I can go with the 1 at a time approach which I have but considering my date doesn't want to go further with me I don't really have a choice.


----------



## ne9907

It's Sunday!!!!!    

Going to the beach with blue eyes. Date is hours away and I am very nervous...


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> It's Sunday!!!!!
> 
> Going to the beach with blue eyes. Date is hours away and I am very nervous...


Don't be nervous! Just be yourself!! Sounds like he's into you from what you describe. Have fun!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

No one said you were required to date anyone RD, the only one who makes that choice is you. The reason why you do it is evident, you're not a fan of being alone.


----------



## RandomDude

Not a fan of plucking my twanger, so no -> besides it gives me ED, so I ram instead! I wasn't going to date this one, I made a bad choice, she was just... interesting, though I guess should have stuck to my FWB plan.


----------



## familyfirst09

RandomDude said:


> Not a fan of plucking my twanger, so no -> besides it gives me ED, so I ram instead! I wasn't going to date this one, I made a bad choice, she was just... interesting, though I guess should have stuck to my FWB plan.


Ahem..."I am not a fan of masterbation, I would rather have sex with a woman instead. I would have really liked to date the woman I am currently talking to but it doesn't seem to be working out that way. I had originally thought of her as a FWB possibility but then it evolved into more than that but now it doesn't seem to be going anywhere."

There, I fixed it for you 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

We were dating and it was going well until she decided suddenly she can't let go of the fact that I'm still married. Now it's understandable sure, still, it is abit of a disappointment which could have been avoided if I knew from the start, but such is life.

Now I'm pressured to instigate the inevitable drama of finally pushing the D button that I had formerly hoped ex and I would push together civilly as co-parents and past best-friends. Meh

Not mad at my date, more mad at my circumstances + ex (who also isn't very co-operative when it comes to my views about my daughter's religious indoctrination in her church either)... BAH!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hello all you randy people. Gotta say I'm kind of enjoy NOT looking to date at the moment! Another month or two. 

This board is a mixture of all of the people that are out there so it makes sense that some of us have a common approach and others don't. 

Back to the yard. Ug. If I just plant the rest I'll be done except for some annuals and a couple things to replace stuff that died. You guys were my work break. It was amusing as always!


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hello all you randy people. Gotta say I'm kind of enjoy NOT looking to date at the moment! Another month or two.
> 
> This board is a mixture of all of the people that are out there so it makes sense that some of us have a common approach and others don't.
> 
> Back to the yard. Ug. If I just plant the rest I'll be done except for some annuals and a couple things to replace stuff that died. You guys were my work break. It was amusing as always!



Pics or I don't believe you


----------



## EnjoliWoman

RandomDude said:


> We were dating and it was going well until she decided suddenly she can't let go of the fact that I'm still married. Now it's understandable sure, still, it is abit of a disappointment which could have been avoided if I knew from the start, but such is life.
> 
> Now I'm pressured to instigate the inevitable drama of finally pushing the D button that I had formerly hoped ex and I would push together civilly as co-parents and past best-friends. Meh
> 
> Not mad at my date, more mad at my circumstances + ex (who also isn't very co-operative when it comes to my views about my daughter's religious indoctrination in her church either)... BAH!


Did it not come up? I mean, the first thing I clarify with a guy is his marital status. I won't date a guy who's separated only because I've found they aren't ready emotionally for a LTR. Tried it twice, both times fail. But both times I KNEW because that's just first date getting-to-know-you stuff, isn't it? 

So yeah, the situation could have been avoided - I'm just surprised she didn't confirm. :scratchhead:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

drerio said:


> Pics or I don't believe you


OK, I'll take pics when I'm done. Better go so I don't run out of daylight!


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Someone told me I have an old soul. My views, values and morals are just so different than the norm now a days. I don't multi date (heck lately I don't date at all), I don't prescribe to the whole fwb thing (I believe sex is something special that should be saved for someone you really care about). I am also a relationship oriented person (I function best as part of a relationship). I could keep going, but I think you all get the point. It just seems there are so few who share these views anymore.


I hear you loud and clear. The only thing is I wouldn't say I function better in a relationship. Differently, sure. But I don't have to be in a relationship to be better. But I HEAR you.


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> Don't be nervous! Just be yourself!! Sounds like he's into you from what you describe. Have fun!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yeah, a bit nervous still. I dont remember a point in my past where I have been this nervous before. 
I have always dislike the tone of my voice and my accent, he thinks it is sexy....

I am like a school girl, thinking about the things he said to me, remembering our conversations, etc etc.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> OK, I'll take pics when I'm done. Better go so I don't run out of daylight!



I may not be familiar with all the plants so please give a short description of each


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> yeah, a bit nervous still. I dont remember a point in my past where I have been this nervous before.
> I have always dislike the tone of my voice and my accent, he thinks it is sexy....
> 
> I am like a school girl, thinking about the things he said to me, remembering our conversations, etc etc.


I'm pretty sure that is all normal..at least I hope cause I do the same thing lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> I have to vent somewhere! This forum was where I spout my vomit


Glad we're all here for you.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you loud and clear. The only thing is I wouldn't say I function better in a relationship. Differently, sure. But I don't have to be in a relationship to be better. But I HEAR you.


I concur, and feel the same way. :iagree:


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> Honestly, rd....talking about females as "Option 2"...."Option 3"...."keeping her on the side"....That kind of talk does sound playa-ish.
> 
> Just sayin'



Read through all of this though and you see the girls basically mostly talk and think in all the same language , they just say it differently .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> We were dating and it was going well until she decided suddenly she can't let go of the fact that I'm still married. Now it's understandable sure, still, it is abit of a disappointment which could have been avoided if I knew from the start, but such is life.
> 
> Now I'm pressured to instigate the inevitable drama of finally pushing the D button that I had formerly hoped ex and I would push together civilly as co-parents and past best-friends. Meh
> 
> Not mad at my date, more mad at my circumstances + ex (who also isn't very co-operative when it comes to my views about my daughter's religious indoctrination in her church either)... BAH!



RD , l wouldn't be pushed , if she can't wait then she's not worth it anyway hell it's only been a few wks , what does that say.

Handle your d the way you intended to l say and to hell with just more pushy crap. Mate it's too soon for you to be pushed in or out of anything , you've only just coming out of all that .
lf she can't handle that then tough l say.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Someone told me I have an old soul. My views, values and morals are just so different than the norm now a days. I don't multi date (heck lately I don't date at all), I don't prescribe to the whole fwb thing (I believe sex is something special that should be saved for someone you really care about). I am also a relationship oriented person (I function best as part of a relationship). I could keep going, but I think you all get the point. It just seems there are so few who share these views anymore.



Yep l hear you to Rat and man l'd be proud of it , l am . lf someone was in my head they'd say the same about me . l'm often pretty damn surprised at the lack of this type of sentiment these days especially among the women. l always thought they'd be the ones sprouting this stuff but it seems much more common among guys . Been the wake up call of my life let me tell ya.
l often think to myself that the day l meet a new girl that talks like that to, will be the day l hook up again . Starting to wonder if there's even one out there though tbh .


----------



## moxy

RD, it looks like circumstances aren't right with the woman you had become interested in dating. You can always find other partners for casual sex, if you don't like fulfilling your own needs solo. 

I don't think anyone's saying that you have to date or questioning what you're doing. However, referring to women in such dehumanizing and degrading ways is awful. Even if it is just emotional vomit, you could express those feeling of frustration (about the dating situation) and your anger (about your wife's crummy behavior), without making an entire gender of people seem like nothing but objects. Just thinking that way, even if it is cavalier rather than sincere, is going to poison your approach toward others. It might feel cool, but it comes across as scummy. If you express your frustration and anger and whatever else sincerely, you might feel more relieved of the burden of it -- and, because you won't antagonize so many people, you may get helpful replies.

You have good reason to be frustrated. Hang in there, though. Your divorce will eventually go through. Keep looking for a partner who wants what you want and is willing to accept your circumstances as they are.


----------



## moxy

I've been traveling and working all weekend and just got home. 

I'm exhausted and I could use a day alone at home to just deal with my apartment chores and catch up on the rest of my work. Unfortunately, I have more to do than I can finish before tomorrow. 

Even so, I hope I get to spend some time with Guy today.


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> Did it not come up? I mean, the first thing I clarify with a guy is his marital status.


Clarified it the first time I spoke to her and that was even before I got her darn number so I assumed she didn't have a problem with it. Turned out she did as we spent some time together.



whitehawk said:


> Read through all of this though and you see the girls basically mostly talk and think in all the same language , they just say it differently .


Heh, not what you say it's how you say it isn't it?



whitehawk said:


> RD , l wouldn't be pushed , if she can't wait then she's not worth it anyway hell it's only been a few wks , what does that say.
> 
> Handle your d the way you intended to l say and to hell with just more pushy crap. Mate it's too soon for you to be pushed in or out of anything , you've only just coming out of all that .
> lf she can't handle that then tough l say.


True, but I don't know, maybe it's time, maybe we just need that 'push'... meh



> RD, it looks like circumstances aren't right with the woman you had become interested in dating. You can always find other partners for casual sex, if you don't like fulfilling your own needs solo.


That seems to be the plan 



> I don't think anyone's saying that you have to date or questioning what you're doing. However, referring to women in such dehumanizing and degrading ways is awful. Even if it is just emotional vomit, you could express those feeling of frustration (about the dating situation) and your anger (about your wife's crummy behavior), without making an entire gender of people seem like nothing but objects. Just thinking that way, even if it is cavalier rather than sincere, is going to poison your approach toward others. It might feel cool, but it comes across as scummy. If you express your frustration and anger and whatever else sincerely, you might feel more relieved of the burden of it -- and, because you won't antagonize so many people, you may get helpful replies.


Ok, I shall use the words "potential" "date" instead of "option" "spare tire" etc



> You have good reason to be frustrated. Hang in there, though. Your divorce will eventually go through. Keep looking for a partner who wants what you want and is willing to accept your circumstances as they are.


Still looking...


----------



## unsure78

And slow hat returns again...lol I will give this guy that his timing is always amazing....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Clarified it the first time I spoke to her and that was even before I got her darn number so I assumed she didn't have a problem with it. Turned out she did as we spent some time together.


A male friend told me that the amount of crazy a guy will put up with is proportional to how attractive he finds her.

For her, she may be looking at your marital status the same way; she was willing to give it a shot, to see how much she liked you. If she was really, really into you, the marital status might not have been a big deal.

Or, maybe she initially didn't think it would be a big deal, but maybe she's realizing it is a big deal for her. If she's never dated a separated man before, that could be the case; or it could be the opposite. You can never really know the reasons behind someone's thoughts/ideas. People change their minds ALL THE TIME, and you haven't really known her long enough to hold her to anything.

After all, you were initially just looking at her as a potential FWB thing, and now you're not. Maybe she was looking at you as a possible FWB thing before, and that was why the marital status didn't matter, but now she's thinking otherwise, and as a result, marital status now matters. If she's going to invest a significant amount of time and emotion into a serious thing, she wants to know you're not going to bail at the drop of a hat, which does happen with guys who are just separated and not yet divorced. They say their marriage is over, that reconciliation is no longer an option, and then the wife has a change of heart and the guy drops the new girlfriend like a hot potato. Doesn't happen with everyone, but it happens, and the girlfriend is collateral damage. Maybe this has happened before, and that's why she's wary. 

Just as much as all of us here are looking for the red flags and warning signs telling us to cut loose, the people we date are also looking for those same red flags. For a lot of women, "I'm separated, but it's really over" is a red flag. It's a red flag for me, because when I hear that, I sympathize with his estranged wife more than I sympathize with him, and I think, "Does she know he's dating? Is it really over, or are they supposed to be working on things, and he's taking advantage of this situation to screw around on a wife who's still faithful?"


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> And slow hat returns again...lol I will give this guy that his timing is always amazing....


What a piece of work. Seriously!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude... about your divorce: Just file the paperwork already if she isn't giving an inch and refusing to sign. I can only imagine how damn frustrating that is I think once you get the ball rolling with that, you are going to feel better. The state of limbo youare in re: your divorce from your wife is not conducive to your moving on with your life. If she won't be pro-active, then start filing yourself and get on with it. I would be pissed. Can totally understand your frustration on that.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you loud and clear. The only thing is I wouldn't say I function better in a relationship. Differently, sure. But I don't have to be in a relationship to be better. But I HEAR you.


Better was probably a poor word choice on my part. I just enjoy having someone in my life more than being single. That is what I was trying to say.


----------



## muskrat

I understand people being reluctant to date someone who is separated. In my case I am almost at 4 years of being in the divorce process. I am ready to move on. 
On the plus side according to my lawyer my divorce should be final sometime this fall. It took me pushing it through the courts to make that happen. The strange part is my ex is the one that left, filed and is now dragging her feet. For someone that wanted out so bad she sure has made it difficult finalizing things.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ok guys, talk me off the ledge, here, I am RAGING and I want revenge! Here is the soap opera for those who enjoy drama and gossip.
We spent 3 nights together last week, (me and NoChem) Thur Fri and Sat. Well, Sat afternoon after he got off work he met this woman he met on Match for the first time in person. Didnt tell me, just said he was going to the mall. For 3 hours. With no contact. So thats what tipped me off, that and he had changed out of work clothes to go. (said he was going the sporting goods store there) So I asked if he had a date, and since I asked, he admitted he did. After we argued some, I ended up staying over anyway. We went to my friend's wedding together on Sunday. 
So between that Saturday and this Sat, they saw each other FIVE times. So he also told me after their second date that we cant be having sex now because of her. He wont admit that he has already slept with her, but he isnt arguing with me about it, so that says that yes, he did. This whole time he has been trying to downplay things with me, you know, calm down, we are just getting to know each other, etc. He even went so far as to tell me that it would be at least another week that they wont be having sex because of her kids coming home, then he goes and sleeps with her! Seriously??

He told me after that first date that if things dont work out with this woman that he would most likely be exclusive with me...WHAT?? Then tells me that I cannot take myself out of his life, or he will lose that connection with me. We need to keep talking and flirting and stuff, that way, we are still sharing that connection if this doesnt work out! Again...WHAT?? I told him that if he is trying to start a relationship that YOU CANT DO THAT! Seriously?? So clearly this man has no integrity, which yes I had already figured, but THIS was just too much and it has finally hit home with me. 

I asked how he can do this after how close we have gotten over these last several weeks. Here is what he told me:
"I think we had some good times and spent a lot of time together and I really enjoyed that too. You feel that you got a lot closer to me than I did to you. My feelings havent changed, they have not increased and I still get just a huge friend vibe with a little bit of extra emotion."
So after he said this, I asked why he said we could be exclusive if this doesnt work out, he said:
"Oh because if this doesnt work out, I have been getting tired of the dating scene just like you have, and will probably be willing to be exclusive with you for a bit and have no outside connections or distractions and just work on us for a little bit. I'm just trying to settle my curiosity a little bit more." 
This was all I had been asking for all along, but man, what a demeaning way to put things. 

So my raging need for revenge...I have this woman's cell number and have been fighting myself all weekend NOT to text her and blow this sh!t up like I did before! He deserves to have this blow up in his face! I have it all written out and everything, all I have to do is hit SEND. My girlfriends are telling me to let it go, to be the bigger person but I am just SO ANGRY and I want him to hurt. I feel like he is getting something good with all his dishonesty, and its killing me! At least I finally dont want him any more! 

So either talk me down, or tell me to DO IT!!! Please dont lecture me about how stupid I have been, because I already know...I have known all along, I just kept going on hope. (and getting sex!)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Someone told me I have an old soul. My views, values and morals are just so different than the norm now a days. I don't multi date (heck lately I don't date at all), I don't prescribe to the whole fwb thing (I believe sex is something special that should be saved for someone you really care about). I am also a relationship oriented person (I function best as part of a relationship). I could keep going, but I think you all get the point. It just seems there are so few who share these views anymore.


You are what I am looking for! Dammit!


----------



## muskrat

I'm sorry 3x but I may be missing something here. Didn't he tell you from the beginning that he felt "no chem"? All you have been to him is a fwb. He wants you around so he can "get some" in between his other dates. As for being exclusive if the new girl doesn't work out, that is called being plan b. He was honest with you about how he felt, but you kept chasing him thinking you could "change" him. 
I think you are a great woman, but you brought this on yourself. Many here told you to walk away as soon as he said he felt no chemistry. You kept after him and got hurt.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> You are what I am looking for! Dammit!


Head east young lady!

I can't be the only guy that thinks like me. There has to be some in the mid west. Of course if your to busy chasing guys that are just using you for sex, you may let a nice guy slip right past you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I'm sorry 3x but I may be missing something here. Didn't he tell you from the beginning that he felt "no chem"? All you have been to him is a fwb. He wants you around so he can "get some" in between his other dates. As for being exclusive if the new girl doesn't work out, that is called being plan b. He was honest with you about how he felt, but you kept chasing him thinking you could "change" him.
> I think you are a great woman, but you brought this on yourself. Many here told you to walk away as soon as he said he felt no chemistry. You kept after him and got hurt.


Yes, I know all this. You know how everyone tells you to pay attention to people's actions, not their words? Well his actions in this case were telling me there was more to things than the words were saying, so I was stupidly keeping my hopes up.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I understand people being reluctant to date someone who is separated. In my case I am almost at 4 years of being in the divorce process. I am ready to move on.
> On the plus side according to my lawyer my divorce should be final sometime this fall. It took me pushing it through the courts to make that happen. The strange part is my ex is the one that left, filed and is now dragging her feet. For someone that wanted out so bad she sure has made it difficult finalizing things.


4 frckn years!! Holy shiat man! Sorry


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, I know all this. You know how everyone tells you to pay attention to people's actions, not their words? Well his actions in this case were telling me there was more to things than the words were saying, so I was stupidly keeping my hopes up.


Don't beat yourself up, just move on and get rid of him for good. Chalk it up as a lesson learned. If someone says they don't feel for you, believe it.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> 4 frckn years!! Holy shiat man! Sorry


Yep, this august will be 4 years. I guess she is to busy boning my now former best friend to bother with the divorce.


----------



## Another Planet

3X no way, hit send whatever but just get him out of your life. He doesn't respect you now it is only going to get worse. You deserve more then that seriously.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Yep, this august will be 4 years. I guess she is to busy boning my now former best friend to bother with the divorce.


Jeez, and to think it takes a little while to settle back down even after the divorce is final! That's rough man sorry.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> 3X no way, hit send whatever but just get him out of your life. He doesn't respect you now it is only going to get worse. You deserve more then that seriously.


Thanks AP. Not to worry, I am moving him out of my life. Everyone can pick on me for a while now and give you a break!

So you think I should send it?


----------



## muskrat

I wouldn't send it 3x. That just be inviting more drama into your life. Let it go and move on. We all make mistakes, live and learn and let it go.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks AP. Not to worry, I am moving him out of my life. Everyone can pick on me for a while now and give you a break!
> 
> So you think I should send it?


No!!!! 

Just walk away from the drama.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks AP. Not to worry, I am moving him out of my life. Everyone can pick on me for a while now and give you a break!
> 
> So you think I should send it?





muskrat said:


> I wouldn't send it 3x. That just be inviting more drama into your life. Let it go and move on. We all make mistakes, live and learn and let it go.





vi_bride04 said:


> No!!!!
> 
> Just walk away from the drama.


Yah, the only way I would send it is if you can hit send and walk away. Delete their numbers and forget them.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Yah, the only way I would send it is if you can hit send and walk away. Delete their numbers and forget them.


That was my plan, drop the bomb and walk off.


----------



## Another Planet

If you think you are going to have nagging feelings like you should have after you drop it I would send that **** but then seriously get the F out...delete delete delete....from phone from life from everything...just walk away with your chin up saying mother Fckers aint got this!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> He told me after that first date that if things dont work out with this woman that he would most likely be exclusive with me...WHAT??
> 
> We need to keep talking and flirting and stuff, that way, we are still sharing that connection if this doesnt work out! Again...WHAT??
> 
> Here is what he told me:
> "I think we had some good times and spent a lot of time together and I really enjoyed that too. You feel that you got a lot closer to me than I did to you. *My feelings havent changed, they have not increased and I still get just a huge friend vibe with a little bit of extra emotion."*



You are his consolation prize, is essentially what he his telling you. 

So, nothing has changed. 

I can imagine you are reeling, but my personal POV is to just let this guy go. I wouldn't call her, I wouldn't call him. You need to cut him off once and forever. He has been pretty consistent in telling you that he doesn't want more than just a roll in the hay and keeps dangling the "maybe we can be exclusive..." IF things do not work out with someone else. His story has not changed one bit. 

I wish I could make you see it from my POV. The fact that you have kept sleeping with him, despite what he told youmonths ago, has probably only made your feelings grow for him more. It's just how some of us are wired. 

Said it before and will again: you can't do casual with someone you really have big feelings for you. There is nothing wrong with that. It is what it is. But it is not healthy for you to keep in this like how it is. How manymonths has it been now? Five? Six? Seven? More? 

3x, the reason I am saying to leave it and her alone is because he has told you straight up he's always keeping the door open. So to me, it, as much as it sucks, isn't some new thing where he has betrayed you in an exclusive relationship. I remember the last time when he did it and you called the one woman or was it two? and told them the story. That was the beginning. This is like the third or fourth chick. He has always been looking to keep the door open while he gets sex from you. This is not about the new chick at all. She could be anyone, hell she's one of many at this point. So I would seriously not even go there. You are wanting to do it out of a place of anger, maybe to try to keep him for yourself. The problem is that he's never really been yours in the first place. And you deserve so much more. SO much more than the crumbs he flicks at you.

This will not end until you stop it. And because it's late and I am feeling very zen/Yoda-like, I say, let him go w/o a fight. Time for you to ghost him.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I wouldn't send it 3x. That just be inviting more drama into your life. Let it go and move on. We all make mistakes, live and learn and let it go.





vi_bride04 said:


> No!!!!
> 
> Just walk away from the drama.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Don't send it.

Don't call him. Don't call her. Don't do anything except for be rid of him completely and forever.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I'm sorry 3x but I may be missing something here. Didn't he tell you from the beginning that he felt "no chem"? All you have been to him is a fwb. He wants you around so he can "get some" in between his other dates. As for being exclusive if the new girl doesn't work out, that is called being plan b. He was honest with you about how he felt, but you kept chasing him thinking you could "change" him.
> I think you are a great woman, but you brought this on yourself. Many here told you to walk away as soon as he said he felt no chemistry. You kept after him and got hurt.


:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> So I would seriously not even go there.* You are wanting to do it out of a place of anger, maybe to try to keep him for yourself. *The problem is that he's never really been yours in the first place. And you deserve so much more. SO much more than the crumbs he flicks at you.


Yes, it IS out of anger, but NO, its not to keep him for myself. I DONT WANT HIM. I just want to blow up the smug little a$$hole's world.


----------



## Jellybeans

3x. Just say no. 

Just leave it alone.

You've already responded the same way before and look where it has gotten you. Back to the same thing.

The definition of insanity is...


----------



## Lon

3x, gotta side with muskrat and jelly, let it go without a fight. Onto better things!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> You've already responded the same way before and look where it has gotten you.* Back to the same thing.*
> 
> The definition of insanity is...


Nope, not this time.


----------



## Jellybeans

Atta girl.



That is how it's done.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Atta girl.
> 
> 
> 
> That is how it's done.


That was meaning, whether I drop that bomb or not, I'm DONE. The same thing WILL NOT be happening this time.


----------



## moxy

How on earth is it sexy to have the woman who is doing you know what gag on your you know what? Trying to wrap my mind around why GI Joe (found a nickname) finds this hot when I can't get over how embarrassing it is. Is it a domination thing? A fetish thing? A normal thing? I've seen it in porn, but this is my first such encounter in person.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> That was meaning, whether I drop that bomb or not, I'm DONE. The same thing WILL NOT be happening this time.


Well the resounding opinion here has been not to reach out to her (how do you have her # anyway?) and to just move on. It's not about her. She is on of several women he's dated outside of sleeping with you, which he has told you about since he said he wasn't exclusive with you. It's about him. Dude isn't worth your time. Or your bed. Truly.



moxy said:


> How on earth is it sexy to have the woman who is doing you know what gag on your you know what? Trying to wrap my mind around why GI Joe (found a nickname) finds this hot when I can't get over how embarrassing it is. Is it a domination thing? A fetish thing? A normal thing? I've seen it in porn, but this is my first such encounter in person.


I am confused. What gag? Do you mean vomit or something? Or are you talking about deep th roating?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, it IS out of anger, but NO, its not to keep him for myself. I DONT WANT HIM. I just want to blow up the smug little a$$hole's world.


But why? He has been upfront with you this whole time. He never wanted to be exclusive with you. 

He will blow up his world himself.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> But why? *He has been upfront with you this whole time. He never wanted to be exclusive with you. *


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

3x, my aunt once told me: the longer you choose to spend with the wrong guy, the longer it will take til you meet the right guy.

Food for thought.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> I am confused. What gag? Do you mean vomit or something? Or are you talking about deep th roating?


Yes, DT is what I mean, but he's well-endowed and I'm a few years out of practice and I find that gag reflex to be really unsexy. I'm afraid I'll puke; he says that wouldn't bother him and that he likes the gagging on it. I don't understand the appeal; it makes me feel self-conscious and kinda foolish and I don't see what he likes about it or finds appealing. What's not gross about that?


----------



## Jellybeans

If you don't like doing it, tell him. If something makes you feel gross, you shouldn't force yourself through it.


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, I know all this. You know how everyone tells you to pay attention to people's actions, not their words? Well his actions in this case were telling me there was more to things than the words were saying, so I was stupidly keeping my hopes up.


Can't do that. Believe people when they tell you OR show you who they are the first time.

Sorry you're hurting. *hugs*


----------



## moxy

3x, don't contact this woman.

He's not cheating on you. He just isn't committing to you. Exposure and revenge are different things. I know you feel rejected, but just let this guy go. You care about him, but he doesn't care about you and just spends time with you bc you make yourself available. You want more, but he has been clear with you that he doesn't. 

Don't email this woman. Do dump this guy and look for someone who wants what you want. Staying with the guy will just cause more pain for you.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> If you don't like doing it, tell him. If something makes you feel gross, you shouldn't force yourself through it.


I said I wasn't into it after we tried that out and he looked disappointed. So, I'm just trying to see it from his POV in an attempt to be open-minded.


----------



## Fenix

*sigh*

What a great weekend. 

Life is good. It's my birthday week this week and my guy and I started celebrating last week. 

Even better than good, life is FUN. It's been a long time since it has been this fun.


----------



## AFPhoenix

Fenix: That sounds great...you're right, life is fun. Happy early Birthday! 

I'm leaving for a trip on Fri and will return on 20 Apr. When I get back we need to plan another TAM/DMV meet-up.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I said I wasn't into it after we tried that out and he looked disappointed. So, I'm just trying to see it from his POV in an attempt to be open-minded.


I always thought it was a dominance/control type fetish.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> 3x, don't contact this woman.
> 
> *He's not cheating on you. He just isn't committing to you. *Exposure and revenge are different things. I know you feel rejected, but just let this guy go. *You care about him, but he doesn't care about you and just spends time with you bc you make yourself available. *You want more, but he has been clear with you that he doesn't.


SPOT ON. 



moxy said:


> I said I wasn't into it after we tried that out and he looked disappointed. So, I'm just trying to see it from his POV in an attempt to be open-minded.


That sucks.  It may be a fetish/dominiation thing he has. He should be willing to acknowledge that it makes you feel uncomfy.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moxy said:


> I said I wasn't into it after we tried that out and he looked disappointed. So, I'm just trying to see it from his POV in an attempt to be open-minded.


Maybe it makes him feel huge. An ego thing. I agree don't force it - if it kills the mood for you then that doesn't do him any good!

Try this - do you know you can actually drink without swallowing? Take a sip of water in your mouth, relax your throat and let it trickle down your esophagus without swallowing. Once you have that mastered, try it in bed. It helps.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

As to 3x, I think aside from ignoring the whole thing would be a simple reply of "I'm no one's second choice. 'Bye" and delete everything.


----------



## Jellybeans

I like that, Enjo.

No drama, just GOODBYE and bounce, never to be heard of again. (That is something I would totally do). It will leave him completely perplexed. GOOD. At this point he is expecting you to go off the rails as you have in the past. Prove him wrong and prove yourself DIGNIFIED. Let this dude go.


----------



## muskrat

Please let it go 3x. If you send something trying to "blow" up his world, all you are doing is making yourself look like a crazy stalker. He was honest with you. You wanted/felt more and let him use you. That is not his fault and most certainly not this new ladies fault.
Stop wasting time and energy on this guy. You have a lot to offer and there is some guy out there who will love and treat you the way you deserve.


----------



## muskrat

I think the whole DT thing is an ego thing. Sex should be a pleasurable experience for both partners, not degrading for one and an ego boost for the other.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> As to 3x, I think aside from ignoring the whole thing would be a simple reply of "I'm no one's second choice. 'Bye" and delete everything.


I just feel like after the way he's used me and other women, he doesnt deserve to have this, you know? He slept with me on Saturday then turned around and had sex with her that Friday. Sickens me to think he gets away with this crap, and this woman is none the wiser, she thinks he's this great guy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Yes, DT is what I mean, but he's well-endowed and I'm a few years out of practice and I find that gag reflex to be really unsexy. I'm afraid I'll puke; he says that wouldn't bother him and that he likes the gagging on it. I don't understand the appeal; it makes me feel self-conscious and kinda foolish and I don't see what he likes about it or finds appealing. What's not gross about that?


So, is he actually saying that it would be cool with him if you puked on him?? :scratchhead: Ew!


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh 3x please don't give this loser any more sweets from your sweetshop! You are accepting crumbs from someone who is half-hearted about you (and has admitted so!). Cut the cord darling, CUT IT NOW


----------



## unsure78

3x just walk away...sometimes its better that way..


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I just feel like after the way he's used me and other women, he doesnt deserve to have this, you know?


You are correct--he doesn't DESERVE to have any part of you being that he only wants you for sex. 

I wouldn't go as far as to say he's used you, though. He has been completely upfront about the fact that he has never wanted more with you other than what you are (a casual relationship). The problem is that you have idealized him and your relationship, 3x. You have always wanted it to be more than what it is. You have clung to him in the hopes that he will one day change his mind. After the latest episode, he again told you that he only sees you as a friend (that he sleeps with). You want something that he doesn't. He has been steadfast in his opinion. Therein lies the major problem.

And I agree with Musk--at this point you are going to come a cross as a crazy stalker if you start reaching to every single woman he is involved with. He is technically a free agent. He is single. Just happens to sleep with you sometimes. Because you let him.


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> I just feel like after the way he's used me and other women, he doesnt deserve to have this, you know? He slept with me on Saturday then turned around and had sex with her that Friday. Sickens me to think he gets away with this crap, and this woman is none the wiser, she thinks he's this great guy.


Honey, he doesn't care what you think about him and this girl will probably not care what you tell you her anyway. You can't hurt him, because you mean very little to him. He will screw up in his own way in his own time. 

The best statement you can make is by silently telling him to fvck off. Disappear from his life for good.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> You are correct--he doesn't DESERVE to have any part of you being that he only wants you for sex.
> 
> I wouldn't go as far as to say he's used you, though. He has been completely upfront about the fact that he has never wanted more with you other than what you are (a casual relationship). The problem is that you have idealized him and your relationship, 3x. You have always wanted it to be more than what it is. You have clung to him in the hopes that he will one day change his mind. After the latest episode, he again told you that he only sees you as a friend (that he sleeps with). You want something that he doesn't. He has been steadfast in his opinion. Therein lies the major problem.
> 
> And I agree with Musk--at this point you are going to come a cross as a crazy stalker if you start reaching to every single woman he is involved with. He is technically a free agent. He is single. Just happens to sleep with you sometimes. Because you let him.


Oh he used her, totally...3x was just willing to take what she could get in the hopes of more. But he knew this, he knew her feelings were more than his and I totally believed he played on that.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> Oh he used her, totally...3x was just willing to take what she could get in the hopes of more. But he knew this, he knew her feelings were more than his and I totally believed he played on that.


I don't completely agree. I do think he probably played on her because of the fact that he knows she has feelings for him but it's more about easy/available sex. And she has allowed it from the beginning. He has been completely up front for months now that he does NOT want a relationship w/ her outside of casual sex. Not once has he told her he wants her to be his girlfriend.

3x, I feel for you. Cause we have all been in a situation where we stupidly cling to the notion that maybe someday someone who doesn't like us will. But it never happens that way. Not when they've let you know from the onset it ain't gonna happen. 

Cut strings. Easier said than done. Cut strings.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I just feel like after the way he's used me and other women, he doesnt deserve to have this, you know? He slept with me on Saturday then turned around and had sex with her that Friday.* Sickens me to think he gets away with this crap, *and this woman is none the wiser, she thinks he's this great guy.


But you let him use you. And he gets away with this stuff b/c you keep taking him back. He has told you from the beginning how he felt. You thought maybe you could change his mind and now your ego/pride is hurt b/c he STILL doesn't like you that way. 

I honestly don't think hes going to commit ot anyone, ever, 3x. His behavior from what you have described shows he is a cheater and will never be happy with just one girl.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> But you let him use you. And he gets away with this stuff b/c you keep taking him back. He has told you from the beginning how he felt. You thought maybe you could change his mind and now your ego/pride is hurt b/c he STILL doesn't like you that way.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> But you let him use you. And he gets away with this stuff b/c you keep taking him back. He has told you from the beginning how he felt. You thought maybe you could change his mind and now your ego/pride is hurt b/c he STILL doesn't like you that way.
> *
> I honestly don't think hes going to commit ot anyone, ever, 3x. His behavior from what you have described shows he is a cheater and will never be happy with just one girl.*


Well, he plans to commit to this one. I really dont see him being faithful, EVER. He cheated on both of his wives previously. And did you read that part in my post where he was trying to keep me lined up as backup?? Ugh. That did it for me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Some Bey inspiration for you, 3x:










Walk away and never look back.


----------



## Dollystanford

How can he know that, he met her last week?!!! This guy has no business anywhere but a bloody monastery if you ask me. He will treat women the way they let him treat them. Don't be one of those women (well any more anyway  )


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, he plans to commit to this one.


He only met her a week ago! Do you honestly believe that? If he told you that, it's probably so you leave him alone and get off his back.



3Xnocharm said:


> I really dont see him being faithful, EVER. He cheated on both of his wives previously. And did you read that part in my post where he was trying to keep me lined up as backup?? Ugh. That did it for me.


More reason for you to tell him to GTFO of your life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dollystanford said:


> *How can he know that, he met her last week?!!! *This guy has no business anywhere but a bloody monastery if you ask me. He will treat women the way they let him treat them. Don't be one of those women (well any more anyway  )


Oh yeah, he's already told me that they will be going exclusive by the time he leaves for two weeks for the reserves later this month. 
(and here everyone picks on poor AP for moving too fast! )


----------



## Dollystanford

What I would quite like is for him to meet a woman who totally f*cks him and dumps his sorry ass


----------



## Jellybeans

I honestly think he told you that so that you will leave him alone. Also since he is prob feeling weirded out that you told him you are going to call her and sound off (again, like with the last chick).

Don't be this chick, 3x.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> What I would quite like is for him to meet a woman who totally f*cks him and dumps his sorry ass


It WILL happen and then he will remember his shenanigans w/ 3x. But by then she will be so far removed from his stupid a$$. Thank God.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I honestly think he told you that so that you will leave him alone. Also since he is prob feeling weirded out that you told him you are going to call her and sound off (again, like with the last chick).
> 
> Don't be this chick, 3x.


He doesnt know. JB, I am loving the GIFs and pics!


----------



## Jellybeans

Anything to make you smile, my dahling.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Well, he plans to commit to this one. I really dont see him being faithful, EVER. He cheated on both of his wives previously. And did you read that part in my post where he was trying to keep me lined up as backup?? Ugh. That did it for me.


The best part of all this 3x, is that it isn't your problem, unless you continue to want to.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Is this the guy who told you that he wanted to see the other woman, then a few weeks go by and he's back at your door? Or am I thinking of someone else?


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Is this the guy who told you that he wanted to see the other woman, then a few weeks go by and he's back at your door? Or am I thinking of someone else?


Yup, same douchecanoe.


----------



## lisab0105

3x, It is time to put your Dwight Schrute panties on!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'll admit I haven't read up on what's currently going on but from the little I have (in the last few posts) I'm not too sure why it's not a cut free and move on decision.

When things like this start to drag out, it's more important to look inwards rather than outwards.


----------



## lisab0105

And if you hook back up with him, I will find you and b*tch slap you like only a good friend would!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, he plans to commit to this one. I really dont see him being faithful, EVER. He cheated on both of his wives previously. And did you read that part in my post where he was trying to keep me lined up as backup?? Ugh. That did it for me.


Good, let him commit to her then just end up cheating on her.

Why are you so upset by this, 3x? He has showed you who he really is about 5 times now. 

Please please please please just go dark on him. He is not worth you putting any more energy into, even for "revenge"


----------



## ne9907

Had fun at my date!
Not the fireworks i was expecting, but I have had worse dates.
We are suppose to get together tonight for a movie.

Will give him another chance.... I am attracted to him, yet... no sparks punched me in the face when we kissed.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> *Why are you so upset by this, 3x?* He has showed you who he really is about 5 times now.


Because she still hopes. Sometimes we don' want to believe the truth because we have created another idea in our head which doesn't fit reality. 

Hope.. is so annoying. 

YES. GO DARK.

Ne--maybe the next kiss will be better.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Because she still hopes. Sometimes we don' want to believe the truth because we have created another idea in our head which doesn't fit reality.
> 
> Hope.. is so annoying.
> 
> YES. GO DARK.
> 
> Ne--maybe the next kiss will be better.


Right, but that isn't his fault. She is directing the anger she feels towards herself onto him and the new girl.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Because she still hopes. Sometimes we don' want to believe the truth because we have created another idea in our head which doesn't fit reality.
> 
> Hope.. is so annoying.
> 
> YES. GO DARK.
> 
> .


Yes, erase him from your mind. My ex comes to mind 3x

He moved in a woman to my old home, she has been there for over two months!!! 
He wants me to believe they are just platonic friends!

Do not wasten your time or love on him 3x. Seriously, forget him


----------



## 06Daddio08

There is nothing wrong with "hoping" but when you attach expectations that rival those of daydreams, you can get into trouble.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> There is nothing wrong with "hoping" but when you attach expectations that rival those of daydreams, you can get into trouble.


Yes - so very very very true.

I would not be so harsh with you, 3x if I haven't lived it myself.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Right, but that isn't his fault. She is directing the anger she feels towards herself onto him and the new girl.


Oh I totally 100% agree, Vi.



ne9907 said:


> He moved in a woman to my old home, she has been there for over two months!!!
> He wants me to believe they are just platonic friends!


It's even funnier that he thinks you believe she is his "friend." What a dumba$$ he is.



06Daddio08 said:


> There is nothing wrong with "hoping" but when you attach expectations that rival those of daydreams, you can get into trouble.


Amen!



vi_bride04 said:


> I would not be so harsh with you, 3x if I haven't lived it myself.


Me, too, 3x. Meeeeeeeeeeee, toooooooooooooooo! It sucks so bad! But eventually you just have to be like FVCK THIS SH!T!

And as a reminder: This hasn't been a FVCK Yes since the beginning. And you know about the FVCK YES rule!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Right, but that isn't his fault. She is directing the anger she feels towards herself onto him and the new girl.


You know, I would have had an easier time had he just been up front about how things were going, like just TELL me, HEY, I think this girl could be the one! Instead, he was sending me messages about how they are just getting to know each other, its not serious, and, dont worry, she gets her kids back so we wont be having sex, (WTF??) if it lasts that long...that kind of stupid sh!t. Why bother telling me this bullsh!t? Want me gone, I'm gone. (I was anyway)


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> I just feel like after the way he's used me and other women, he doesnt deserve to have this, you know? He slept with me on Saturday then turned around and had sex with her that Friday. Sickens me to think he gets away with this crap, and this woman is none the wiser, she thinks he's this great guy.


Being a womanizer is his prerogative.

You don't get to be the judge of what he deserves in his life, just the judge of what you're willing to give him.

You don't like what he's doing. You can't force him to change his actions to suit what you think they should be. You can do the following: a) accept that you are just a convenient fun buddy for him when he wants it, b) choose to walk away from something that doesn't serve your interest, or c) muck up your life and his just because you can't control his actions or the outcome of your relationship. I think that (b) is the choice that would probably most serve your best interests.

I know it sucks, but, let him go.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> You know, I would have had an easier time had he just been up front about how things were going, like just TELL me, HEY, I think this girl could be the one! Instead, he was sending me messages about how they are just getting to know each other, its not serious, and, dont worry, she gets her kids back so we wont be having sex, (WTF??) if it lasts that long...that kind of stupid sh!t. Why bother telling me this bullsh!t? Want me gone, I'm gone. (I was anyway)


Ummm b/c he is a cake eater and can't stand the thought of being alone. He wants to keep you around hanging by a string as long as he can just to rope you back in when he doesn't have any other potential options.

Cheater script, 101.


----------



## ne9907

Dollystanford said:


> What I would quite like is for him to meet a woman who totally f*cks him and dumps his sorry ass


Send him my way... I am getting very good at it.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> You know, I would have had an easier time had he just been up front about how things were going, like just TELL me, HEY, I think this girl could be the one! Instead, he was sending me messages about how they are just getting to know each other, its not serious, and, dont worry, she gets her kids back so we wont be having sex, (WTF??)


And in all of that there is still no you and him. Get it? It's never been about just the two of you. So none of what he said matters because he isn't yours/your boyfriend.



3Xnocharm said:


> Want me gone, I'm gone.


Eh. The only reason he is still around is because...

You keep leaving the door wide open for him, 3x. The only reason you aren't "gone" yet is because you keep making yourself available to him. All the time.

Time to try something new.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. The only reason he is still around is because...
> 
> You keep leaving the door wide open for him, 3x. The only reason you aren't "gone" yet is because you keep making yourself available to him. All the time.
> 
> Time to try something new.


Yes, I know.


----------



## muskrat

No matter what happens 3x, he will never respect you. I have had women that kept throwing themselves at me even though I told them I wasn't interested in a relationship with them. I lost some respect for them and even if my feelings would have changed down the road, their actions were imbedded in my mind and I would always view them differently. The difference here is I didn't use their desire to my advantage and sleep with them, I walked away.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> No matter what happens 3x, he will never respect you. I have had women that kept throwing themselves at me even though I told them I wasn't interested in a relationship with them. I lost some respect for them and even if my feelings would have changed down the road, their actions were imbedded in my mind


Exactly. And for the record, this is how I feel about Social Media Guy. Had he backed off when I told him I wasn't interested in dating him, maybe I'd started to wonder about him at some point, but his relentlessness and trying to force a relationship with me has done nothing but turn me off.

This is exactly why I disappear when a dude starts giving me off vibes or essentially showing a change of heart.

The one guy I was dating who I liked - told me he couldn't get together because he was out of town one time & didn't make follow up plans. So I reached out one more time to him and he didn't respond to me. I have never reached out to him again since. 

And believe me, I have wanted to but also, I know that if he wanted to be in touch with me, he would be. So even if it bruises some, it's better to let go w/ dignity. He can never say I have been hounding him. I prefer an air of mystery anyway.

To the men: what would you think of me if you were in his position and I did that?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> E
> The one guy I was dating who I liked - told me he couldn't get together because he was out of town one time & didn't make follow up plans. So I reached out one more time to him and he didn't respond to me. I have never reached out to him again since.
> 
> And believe me, I have wanted to but also, I know that if he wanted to be in touch with me, he would be. So even if it bruises some, it's better to let go w/ dignity. He can never say I have been hounding him. I prefer an air of mystery anyway.
> 
> To the men: what would you think of me if you were in his position and I did that?


I just went through this same thing a couple of weeks ago. A guy set up a second date with me then had to cancel, I sent two messages after that, and he never replied, so that's that. Shame too, I so rarely am interested in a second date!


----------



## muskrat

I would think you were being respectful of my feelings. That you are not a stage 5 clinger or potential stalker. That reaction would also impress me and show you are not needy. If circumstances were to change in the future, and you were interested, I would be willing to date you again.

The constant desperation stuff just screams please use me. There is no need to respect me, I do not respect MYSELF. It is a complete turnoff and burns that bridge.


----------



## Fenix

AFPhoenix said:


> Fenix: That sounds great...you're right, life is fun. Happy early Birthday!
> 
> I'm leaving for a trip on Fri and will return on 20 Apr. When I get back we need to plan another TAM/DMV meet-up.


Sounds good, AFP! Glad to see you on this side of the divorce talk. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I would think you were being respectful of my feelings. That you are not a stage 5 clinger or potential stalker. That reaction would also impress me and show you are not needy. If circumstances were to change in the future, and you were interested, I would be willing to date you again.
> 
> The constant desperation stuff just screams please use me. There is no need to respect me, I do not respect MYSELF. It is a complete turnoff and burns that bridge.


WORD. 

I tend to be the antithesis to a clinger. Sometimes I wonder if I am almost TOO good at going completely dark.

But yeah, I do it as self-protection and because, well, I don't want to be a clinger. I think a woman needs to have her dignity.

The burning bridges is true. I think that is what Social Media Guy doesn't get. The neediness turns me off.


----------



## Another Planet

3X I would fck his world up then go bye bye and I don't think that's stalker crazy at all. 
The other woman is another person and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I see it the same as if say an old person falls and no one helps them up they just keep walking around them pretending like they don't see that ****, you know who helps them up? Me I'm that guy.

Fck his world up then take the other woman out for coffee, maybe you'll make a new friend. Obviously you already have something in common.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Shame too, I so rarely am interested in a second date!


I know, right? It seems such a hurdle to get past the first one sometimes. Second dates can be rarities.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> WORD.
> 
> I tend to be the antithesis to a clinger. Sometimes I wonder if I am almost TOO good at going completely dark.
> 
> But yeah, I do it as self-protection and because, well, I don't want to be a clinger. I think a woman needs to have her dignity.
> 
> The burning bridges is true. I think that is what Social Media Guy doesn't get. The neediness turns me off.


I have become this way recently
granted, i have only been on three real dates, but I withdraw and enjoy solitute. Some men like it.
For example last night at the beach, I would simply enjoy myself being just looking at the stars or fire or beach.

Blue eyes mentioned how he noticed I am independent and a bit of a loner. He jokingly said I am a bit selfish because I do not give people the pleasure of my company.

But this is me.


----------



## Jellybeans

But you gave him the pleasure of your company! 

By the way, a beach date sounds amazing.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> 3X I would fck his world up then go bye bye and I don't think that's stalker crazy at all.
> The other woman is another person and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I see it the same as if say an old person falls and no one helps them up they just keep walking around them pretending like they don't see that ****, you know who helps them up? Me I'm that guy.
> 
> Fck his world up then take the other woman out for coffee, maybe you'll make a new friend. Obviously you already have something in common.


Thanks AP, you are following my thought process.


----------



## Jellybeans

OH OH OH, 3x. I almost forgot. Anytime you are waffling/feeling weird/on edge, just look at your avatar and HEED it. LOL.

You are a hot mama. You don't need to be dealing with any of this bullsh*t!!!

No Chem sounds like a loose cannon. Think a bout it - even if you GOT together with him, you'd always remember his back and forth and whatnot. You'd resent him. Better to cut it off now.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks AP, you are following my thought process.


I KNOW RIGHT!!!  but you gotta be able to completely severe the ties, all of them I mean everything. Leave no chance even in your mind. You gotta do that otherwise you are going to be hurt again and you don't deserve that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> No Chem sounds like a loose cannon. Think a bout it - even if you GOT together with him, you'd always remember his back and forth and whatnot. You'd resent him. Better to cut it off now.


Yes, this has been in my mind too, I could never trust him 100%.


----------



## ne9907

I would let her know as well 3x, even if you knew that he wasnt into you for the long run, even if he told you from the beginning, it still hurts because you had hopes.

Cannot blame you for not listening to him. You are a passionate person who believes in love, I get like that sometimes. 
Sometimes, we need to hide away the lady and bring out the crazy. BUT do not go back to him. It serves to purpose. He does not want you. REMEMBER THAT!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> But you gave him the pleasure of your company!
> 
> By the way, a beach date sounds amazing.


it was very nice. We watched the sunset, made a fire, watched the stars and it was great.

I guess if I hadnt been so tired I would have enjoyed it a lot more. For the past three days, i had been surviving on red bull and nasty MREs alone...
I think I only had like 10 hours of sleep in a three day period.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> 3X I would fck his world up then go bye bye and I don't think that's stalker crazy at all.
> The other woman is another person and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I see it the same as if say an old person falls and no one helps them up they just keep walking around them pretending like they don't see that ****, you know who helps them up? Me I'm that guy.
> 
> Fck his world up then take the other woman out for coffee, maybe you'll make a new friend. Obviously you already have something in common.


Un-needed drama. Even if she blows this up with this girl, he is just going to move on to the next...then the next and next and next and next....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, this has been in my mind too, I could never trust him 100%.


3x , you must have it real bad for him if you are still thinking this. You can't trust him 0%, but more importantly, why the fvck do you even care at this point? How much emotional pain are you willing to tolerate over this douche canoe? Yes there was potential at one point but it has been revealed beyond all doubts that there is nothing good left in it for you with him. So why are you having such a hard time letting go of this? Or, and I don't mean this in a condescending way, do you just like the attention you get from us and other friends in your life by rehashing this drama over and over?


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Sometimes, we need to hide away the lady and bring out the crazy.


Quote of the day. So funny, Ne! :rofl:

3x, if you are sold on doing this (and to be honest, it sounds like you are because a bunch of have told you know and I notice you are responding positively to those who are like-minded, advocating for it, like AP)... so if you are going to do it my advice is to just keep it clean:

"X, it has recently come to my attention that No Chem has been dating/seeing you. I am reacing out to you so that you are aware, he has also been sleeping with me. I do not want anything to do with him anymore after this recent development, of which has unfortunately been a pattern with him as long as I've been involved with him, but thought you should know since you deserve the truth. I apologize to reach out to you like this but as a woman who knows how frustrating dating can be, I just wanted to make you aware."

Then do no say anything again.

if she asks for clarification, just be succinct/keep your emotions out of it - "I have been involved wit hhim for 8 months now and he a pattern of doing this." But don't go further (cause you can't say you are the girlfriend cause you aren't).

If he calls you, do not answer. Or yell in the phone "I AM DONE." and hang up.

Then, sashay off like Beyonce.

Do not speak to him again. 

Or I will personally throw jellybeans at your forehead until you GET IT. (And my jellybeans hurt when used as a weapon).


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Un-needed drama. Even if she blows this up with this girl, he is just going to move on to the next...then the next and next and next and next....


I personally would do THIS, Vi --that is, NOTHING. I would just let it go and never speak to him again, not reach out to the other woman (women). It's old news at this point.

But she seems like she really wants to do it and well I know full well folks are going to do whatever they want...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Quote of the day. So funny, Ne! :rofl:
> 
> 3x, if you are sold on doing this (and to be honest, it sounds like you are because a bunch of have told you know and I notice you are responding positively to those who are like-minded, advocating for it, like AP)... so if you are going to do it my advice is to just keep it clean:
> 
> "X, it has recently come to my attention that No Chem has been dating/seeing you. I am reacing out to you so that you are aware, he has also been sleeping with me. I do not want anything to do with him anymore after this recent development, of which has unfortunately been a pattern with him as long as I've been involved with him, but thought you should know since you deserve the truth. I apologize to reach out to you like this but as a woman who knows how frustrating dating can be, I just wanted to make you aware."
> 
> Then do no say anything again.
> 
> if she asks for clarification, just be succinct/keep your emotions out of it - "I have been involved wit hhim for 8 months now and he a pattern of doing this." But don't go further (cause you can't say you are the girlfriend cause you aren't).
> 
> If he calls you, do not answer. Or yell in the phone "I AM DONE." and hang up.
> 
> Then, sashay off like Beyonce.
> 
> Do not speak to him again.
> 
> *Or I will personally throw jellybeans at your forehead until you GET IT. (And my jellybeans hurt when used as a weapon).*


I bet you can ping them fvckers pretty hard, JB!  And this would be the approach I would take should I go down that road.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. I can!

I have a pistol and everything.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> 3x , you must have it real bad for him if you are still thinking this. You can't trust him 0%, but more importantly, why the fvck do you even care at this point? How much emotional pain are you willing to tolerate over this douche canoe? Yes there was potential at one point but it has been revealed beyond all doubts that there is nothing good left in it for you with him. So why are you having such a hard time letting go of this? Or, and I don't mean this in a condescending way, do you just like the attention you get from us and other friends in your life by rehashing this drama over and over?


Lon, my comment didnt mean that I am still thinking of trying to be with him. And I HATE attention, to be honest, especially when its negative! I'm just looking for support and/or a kick in my ass. It feels freeing to share, even if its a humiliating circumstance for me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Or, and I don't mean this in a condescending way, do you just like the attention you get from us and other friends in your life by rehashing this drama over and over?


I don't think it's that. Because she has been quite mum on the story front lately. Cause she probably knew we are all going to tell her NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hehe.

And because yes, she's got it bad.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I just went through this same thing a couple of weeks ago. A guy set up a second date with me then had to cancel, I sent two messages after that, and he never replied, so that's that. Shame too, I so rarely am interested in a second date!



Does anyone else see the irony in this? She wants to blow up his world and drag the other woman in to it. She was doing the same thing he was. He just found someone he likes first and she is pissed.

Dang it 3x, you are a fantastic woman and have a lot to offer. Forget sending messages and just cut him out of your life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Does anyone else see the irony in this? She wants to blow up his world and drag the other woman in to it. She was doing the same thing he was. He just found someone he likes first and she is pissed.
> 
> Dang it 3x, you are a fantastic woman and have a lot to offer. Forget sending messages and just cut him out of your life.


I have been trying to find someone to move forward with since I was getting no commitment from him. Is that wrong?? I really didnt want to but pretty much felt like I had to.


----------



## vi_bride04

3x, one question - why do you feel the NEED to "blow up his world"?

ETA: to hurt him as much as he has hurt you?


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been trying to find someone to move forward with since I was getting no commitment from him. Is that wrong?? I really didnt want to but pretty much felt like I had to.


Nope, there is nothing wrong with that. All he was doing was trying to find someone to move forward with since he didn't want to commit to you.

My point is all you had was a fwb. You were both dating others. He found someone he likes. There is no reason to be the bitter ex since you were never a couple.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I personally would do THIS, Vi --that is, NOTHING. I would just let it go and never speak to him again, not reach out to the other woman (women). It's old news at this point.
> 
> But she seems like she really wants to do it and well I know full well folks are going to do whatever they want...


Exactly what I was thinking. And if 3x had gotten a letter from some random chick warning of how much of a douche he was when she started seeing nochem, would it have had any credibility (ie would sound more like a crazy stalker obsessed about him)


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Exactly what I was thinking. And if 3x had gotten a letter from some random chick warning of how much of a douche he was when she started seeing nochem, would it have had any credibility (*ie would sound more like a crazy stalker obsessed about him*)


Who cares what the OW thinks about her if 3X no contacts him. It's not like she is telling her to clear the field so she could have him all to herself.

All she has to do is say "hey listen he's screwing both of us, not sure if you care but I'm out so he's all yours"...and then move on. You guys are over complicating a situation where someone can help another human being out. 
So what if he's going to keep going from woman to woman to woman. It doesn't concern 3X anymore if she no contacts but she is being given an opportunity to do something good in this ****ty world...I say take the chance.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I have been trying to find someone to move forward with since I was getting no commitment from him. Is that wrong?? I really didnt want to but pretty much felt like I had to.


Captain Obvious here reporting for duty--you won't find someone to move forward with at all as long as you are dealing with/sleeping with No Chem.

The reason you CAN'T really latch onto someone else is because your heart strings are still with No Chem. And until that is DONE, you will not be able to have a proper dating relationship. 

It simply won't work. 

You are going to need some time to heal and the sooner you cut him off, the better. But the longer you stay in this mess...the longer the healing process takes, the longer before you can actually be emotionally available for dating. 

GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL.

You already know!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Lon, my comment didnt mean that I am still thinking of trying to be with him. And I HATE attention, to be honest, especially when its negative! I'm just looking for support and/or a kick in my ass. It feels freeing to share, even if its a humiliating circumstance for me.


Well the past several pages of this thread have been mainly about supporting you and kicking your ass, so consider your ass kicked and your decision to move forward supported! 

I think sending a letter to the OW will only bring about negative attention to you, that is why I advised not bothering (nothing to gain by it except enemies).


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> so if you are going to do it my advice is to just keep it clean:
> 
> "X, it has recently come to my attention that No Chem has been dating/seeing you. I am reacing out to you so that you are aware, he has also been sleeping with me. I do not want anything to do with him anymore after this recent development, of which has unfortunately been a pattern with him as long as I've been involved with him, but thought you should know since you deserve the truth. I apologize to reach out to you like this but as a woman who knows how frustrating dating can be, I just wanted to make you aware that you might want to get an STD test because mine came back inconclusive."


Fixed.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Who cares what the OW thinks about her if 3X no contacts him. It's not like she is telling her to clear the field so she could have him all to herself.
> 
> All she has to do is say "hey listen he's screwing both of us, not sure if you care but I'm out so he's all yours"...and then move on. *You guys are over complicating a situation where someone can help another human being out. *
> So what if he's going to keep going from woman to woman to woman. It doesn't concern 3X anymore if she no contacts but she is being given an opportunity to do something good in this ****ty world...I say take the chance.


Over complicating would be saying anything to begin with. Even if she "warns" the OW to help her out, it won't be seen as that and NoChem will just twist everything to make 3x look like a psycho. 

He will be the demise of himself, 3x doesn't need to interfere. Interfering out of emotional response is over complicating it.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Fixed.


Haha. Good one! 



vi_bride04 said:


> Even if she "warns" the OW to help her out, it won't be seen as that and *NoChem will just twist everything to make 3x look like a psycho.*


You can BET on this! 



vi_bride04 said:


> He will be the demise of himself, 3x doesn't need to interfere.


:iagree:


----------



## unsure78

sometimes its just best to walk away.... 

if shes a smart girl she will figure it out quickly herself....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> sometimes its just best to walk away....
> 
> if shes a smart girl she will figure it out quickly herself....


And if she doesn't figure it out quickly she will learn a valuable lesson, why would you deny someone such a valuable opportunity?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow. So, I just got even more info on NoChem. Just when I thought he couldnt be any sleazier. Just... wow.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow. So, I just got even more info on NoChem. Just when I thought he couldnt be any sleazier. Just... wow.


3x, you REALLY have to believe someone when they are telling you they are a sleeze!!!



Live n Learn. I hope you cut ties. How much more of your time/life are you going to waste on this guy?

Get on Tinder already and start having some fun


----------



## jpr

I don't get it, 3X....:scratchhead:

Are you still texting with NoChem?...how are you getting more info on him?

:scratchhead:

...and why do you even care?



Everyone here (but AP) has told you they think you should drop it on move on.

Life is too short.

Let it go.

Move on.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow. So, I just got even more info on NoChem. Just when I thought he couldnt be any sleazier. Just... wow.


I hope it was sleazy enough to shock you into seeing the light the TAMers here have been shining. Walk away. Just walk away.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> I don't get it, 3X....:scratchhead:
> 
> Are you still texting with NoChem?...how are you getting more info on him?
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> ...and why do you even care?


I got a text from P, the woman I contacted before. 

He has been trying to text me and I have been ignoring him.


----------



## Another Planet

I told her to move on.
I just support her empathy for the other woman. As long as she does what she said she will and drops him and won't perpetuate the cycle.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I told her to move on.
> I just support her empathy for the other woman. As long as she does what she said she will and drops him and won't perpetuate the cycle.


Ahhh, but young Jedi, getting involved is perpetuating the cycle.


----------



## jpr

Just leave it.

Train your brain to not even think about him.

No energy should be spent on this guy....it is not healthy.

Let go of the drama.


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Ahhh, but young Jedi, getting involved is perpetuating the cycle.


This ^^^^^

Plus at no point was it ever about protecting the other woman. It was always about revenge and trying to hurt no chem. So I ask, in what way is that of any benefit to 3x? All it does is keep her in the drama.


----------



## jpr

Hey Muskrat..

What ever happened to that lady you were dating?


Are you guys not seeing each other anymore?


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> Hey Muskrat..
> 
> What ever happened to that lady you were dating?
> 
> 
> Are you guys not seeing each other anymore?


I ended that around valentines day. The distance was to far and even if we were closer I was seeing to many things in her that I couldn't live with. At least I got 2 mini out of state vacations out of it.

Also, she was 10 years older than me. The more I thought about it the more that bugged me. I prefer someone within 5 years of my age.

Now that I think about it, it is depressing. I haven't been on a "date" in 3 months (last time I went to see her, I took her out to dinner). Dang my dating life sucks.


----------



## jpr

Yeah, I get that, Muskrat.

You are figuring out what you can live with and what you can't.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Ahhh, but young Jedi, getting involved is perpetuating the cycle.


Exactly


Well put VI
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I pretty well know what I can and can't live with. The more I talked to her the more cant's I noticed.

Sooner or later I'll stumble into someone. I have been getting out and about a little more. Besides doing the girl scout stuff, I have been getting way more involved in my church. I am now a player/coach on the softball team, a member of the men's fraternity, worship workshop teacher, I have been attending family nights and I recently went on a missions trip.


----------



## Ikaika

Thought this might be appropriate right now on this thread. Plus, this from my favorite movie of all time 

The Blues Brothers(1980) You Better Think - Arertha Franklin - YouTube


----------



## FeministInPink

I thought y'all would appreciate this:


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. I always thought it was Oprah who said that! 'The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.'

INSPIRATIONAL and SPOT ON, no matter where it came from! 

So true (and so hard to follow, especially if you develop feelings for someone).


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. I always thought it was Oprah who said that! 'The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.'
> 
> INSPIRATIONAL and SPOT ON, no matter where it came from!
> 
> So true (and so hard to follow, especially if you develop feelings for someone).


It is spot on... but yessssss so hard to do when you have feelings...you always want to give the benefit of the doubt


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> It is spot on... but yessssss so hard to do when you have feelings...you always want to give the benefit of the doubt


Stupid benefit of the doubt 
Usually I know the truth just won't admit it and then just wait it out until blatantly obvious then I am just like "I KNEW IT!!!"


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Stupid benefit of the doubt
> Usually I know the truth just won't admit it and then just wait it out until blatantly obvious then I am just like "I KNEW IT!!!"


Exactly! We are our own worst enemies!


----------



## muskrat

Sometimes I am amazed that anyone manages to find and keep a good relationship. Dating really is a needle in the haystack proposition.

3x, if your reading this, I hope you are doing alright. I hope we weren't to hard on you. It was all just some tough love.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Sometimes I am amazed that anyone manages *to find and keep a good relationship. *Dating really is a needle in the haystack proposition.


Um yeah same here. 

My gf and her bf of 7 months are having issues. My sister and her bf of 9 months are having issues. Just makes me so glad I am not in a relationship. Yeah, it would have its nice times of course, but just thinking about the stress of dealing with conflict in the relationship context makes me squirm. Guess its just another sign I'm not ready for anything serious still. 

I am so thankful I am single and not even really dating after listening to their woes. lol


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Sometimes I am amazed that anyone manages to find and keep a good relationship.


:iagree: It's not easy. Or rather, dating isn't so hard, it's finding someone to date consistently that is hard. 

It seems odd most of us make it out w/ the same person several times. Has this been true for you guys? How many dates is your standard beore you axet he person/get axed and realize it's not a match? By how many before you start thinking no way? And in contrast, by how many dates do you know you want to pursue more? By how many dates do you think is leading to something?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Okay, so NoChem is no longer an issue! 

When P contacted me yesterday, it came to light that she had recently slept with him again, on one of the same days that he came and spent the night with me. There was SO much that we were both lied to about, I cant even begin to say. 

So, me and P met up last night, had a couple drinks, compared notes and stories, texted the new woman, and went and knocked on NoChem's door. He was the world's biggest ass sitting there defending what he has done, and making excuses. Then he left to go meet up with the new woman. Well he was waiting for me when I got home, and got the few things he had at my house, and stomped and pouted and argued with me. Blames everything on me. No apology for either of us. I dont know what happened with him and the new girl, he said she was mad that we contacted her but that was all. Whatever, I do hope she dumped his ass, but its neither here nor there for me. We had a good girls' night out! 

So that was my evening, boys and girls.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree: It's not easy. Or rather, dating isn't so hard, it's finding someone to date consistently that is hard.
> 
> It seems odd most of us make it out w/ the same person several times. Has this been true for you guys? How many dates is your standard beore you axet he person/get axed and realize it's not a match? By how many before you start thinking no way? And in contrast, by how many dates do you know you want to pursue more? By how many dates do you think is leading to something?


Well im usually by end of one date to determine Not a match.... 

By three dates I know if we are going to be getting to the sexy sex eventually / and usually if we connect enough ( from my end) to potentially make it to realtionship status ( if that's what they want to, of course)

I agree with you Jelly, dating itself is easy.... it consistently dating someone that's hard


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree: It's not easy. Or rather, dating isn't so hard, it's finding someone to date consistently that is hard.
> 
> It seems odd most of us make it out w/ the same person several times. Has this been true for you guys?  How many dates is your standard beore you axet he person/get axed and realize it's not a match? By how many before you start thinking no way? And in contrast, by how many dates do you know you want to pursue more? By how many dates do you think is leading to something?


I am pretty fussy, so I date very few. I usually know after 1 or 2 dates if I wish pursuing them. On the other hand, I have been told (and this seems plausible) that my personality and looks are much better in person or once getting to know me. So my issue is usually getting the date. Once given a chance I seem to shine.

With all that said, if a relationship lasts more than a month with me, there is a good chance of something long term. Only 2 women have ever made it past a month. The first lasted over 4years, the second was my ex wife.

Oh, there was the ldr that lasted 3 months. I only met her in person twice though, so that was a little different.


----------



## bandit.45

I may be rethinking my celibacy vow. 

I think its time to get back out in the dating world. I'm ready. 

I benched 320 last week for the first time since I was in college! Three reps only but I'm stoked. 

Gotta go to Chicago again next week. How's the weather there Unsure?


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I am pretty fussy, so I date very few. I usually know after 1 or 2 dates if I wish pursuing them. On the other hand, I have been told (and this seems plausible) that my personality and looks are much better in person or once getting to know me. So my issue is usually getting the date. Once given a chance I seem to shine.
> 
> With all that said, if a relationship lasts more than a month with me, there is a good chance of something long term. Only 2 women have ever made it past a month. The first lasted over 4years, the second was my ex wife.


Rat do you feel better now that you are divorced? I never asked, but did you ever find out if she was cheating on you?


----------



## ne9907

That sounds so emotionally draining and miserable... wow.
Don't you go back to him!!!

My evening was pleasant. Watched a movie with blue eyes
When we meet, I went for a hug and he went for a kiss...bit awkward lol
I enjoyed it!
While watching the previews,we were saying "yes" or "no" to movies we would like to watch. A preview for a new movie coming out in June ended, he said yes I said no. 
He said to me, I just won't bring you

Making plans for the future? 

I don't like it, I have had bad experiences with this type of future planning.

Oh and I dream he was smiling at me and giving me a piece of Apple pie haha!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> I may be rethinking my celibacy vow.
> 
> I think its time to get back out in the dating world. I'm ready.
> 
> I benched 320 last week for the first time since I was in college! Three reps only but I'm stoked.
> 
> Gotta go to Chicago again next week. How's the weather there Unsure?


Getting better.... you heading to Chicago or the burbs?


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Rat do you feel better now that you are divorced? I never asked, but did you ever find out if she was cheating on you?


I'm sadly still not divorced. According to my lawyer it should be done by fall. I am at peace with it all. I am gonna get screwed and I know it. At least it will be over.

Yep, she was and is still banging the guy. So much for being best friends for 30 years. I have removed that whole group of friends from my life. I have met some new friends through my church activities. Life is pretty good. There are 3 of us that have a weekly comparison on whose ex is worst. The winner varies from week to week. We are all going to the state capital in June to protest for father's rights. I have by far the best custody deal (50/50) and oddly enough, I pay the most CS. :scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Sometimes I am amazed that anyone manages to find and keep a good relationship. Dating really is a needle in the haystack proposition.
> 
> 3x, if your reading this, I hope you are doing alright. I hope we weren't to hard on you. It was all just some tough love.





vi_bride04 said:


> Um yeah same here.
> 
> My gf and her bf of 7 months are having issues. My sister and her bf of 9 months are having issues. Just makes me so glad I am not in a relationship. Yeah, it would have its nice times of course, but just thinking about the stress of dealing with conflict in the relationship context makes me squirm. Guess its just another sign I'm not ready for anything serious still.
> 
> I am so thankful I am single and not even really dating after listening to their woes. lol


NO KIDDING!!!
So here's a little story about how things are going for me.....

Everything has been real fun, just great times. Late last week she admits she thinks she is starting to get some real feels! Cool whatev is all I think, luckily our lives make it so we can't rush into anything more so we always have breaks to think. 
So over the weekend she was kind of non existent and when I did talk to her it was just not normal so I knew something was going on. So Sunday she tells me her ex called and they talked a bunch and that this and that whatever crap...I was kind of pissed and basically was like "why didn't you tie up these loose ends so there's nothing to worry about".....
So last night we already had plans to go out for dinner...and we talk a little more...found out some more **** that at one point if we didn't drive in the same vehicle I literally would have left her there...
But we get back to her place and talk it out some more and shes like "I'm sorry I always do this, I fck **** up when feelings start. I will understand if you want to leave" 
So we hash it out enough and I end up staying the night. This morning I had already accepted the fact that this was probably the last time I would be around. For whatever reason either she doesn't like me or she likes me to much and is scared and she is trying to drive me away, so be it...
So later this morning we were messaging and I was just like "so did you even tell him about me?' and she was like "ok listen, he wasn't trying to get back with me, I was just trying to get my spare key back"..... and so I just like ohhh wtf I see now, you are trickle truthing me to test me in every scenario to see how far I will bend...

What ever. This weekend I am taking off out of town, I need a break anyway. A healthy break from this stuff.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Getting better.... you heading to Chicago or the burbs?


Oakbrook Terrace. I have to do a presentation. Wish I could stay but its fly in and fly out one day. 10 hours on a plane and three at the office. Yay.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm sadly still not divorced. According to my lawyer it should be done by fall. I am at peace with it all. I am gonna get screwed and I know it. At least it will be over.
> 
> Yep, she was and is still banging the guy. So much for being best friends for 30 years. I have removed that whole group of friends from my life. I have met some new friends through my church activities. Life is pretty good. There are 3 of us that have a weekly comparison on whose ex is worst. The winner varies from week to week. We are all going to the state capital in June to protest for father's rights. I have by far the best custody deal (50/50) and oddly enough, I pay the most CS. :scratchhead:


She was banging your best friend?


----------



## muskrat

Sorry about that AP. That testing crap is for the birds. The woman I was in a ldr with was doing that crap and I checked out. She now is saying how much she wants to be with me, but the damage was done. 

I DON'T PLAY GAMES!!!!


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> She was banging your best friend?



Yep, He was the best man in our wedding. I have pics of us 2 in diapers playing together. 30 year friendship. So much for bros before ho's. :rofl:


So I lost my wife, family as I knew it and the circle of friends I have had my whole life. It looks like I will also lose my cabin that has been in my family for 3 generations also.

On the other hand, I am a better man than I ever was before. My kids adore me. I am about to buy a house (it's a complicated deal with my parents help) and take my business and partner it with another business. ( this can actually really help me with CS in the future)


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> NO KIDDING!!!
> So here's a little story about how things are going for me.....
> 
> Everything has been real fun, just great times. Late last week she admits she thinks she is starting to get some real feels! Cool whatev is all I think, luckily our lives make it so we can't rush into anything more so we always have breaks to think.
> So over the weekend she was kind of non existent and when I did talk to her it was just not normal so I knew something was going on. So Sunday she tells me her ex called and they talked a bunch and that this and that whatever crap...I was kind of pissed and basically was like "why didn't you tie up these loose ends so there's nothing to worry about".....
> So last night we already had plans to go out for dinner...and we talk a little more...found out some more **** that at one point if we didn't drive in the same vehicle I literally would have left her there...
> But we get back to her place and talk it out some more and shes like "I'm sorry I always do this, I fck **** up when feelings start. I will understand if you want to leave"
> So we hash it out enough and I end up staying the night. This morning I had already accepted the fact that this was probably the last time I would be around. For whatever reason either she doesn't like me or she likes me to much and is scared and she is trying to drive me away, so be it...
> So later this morning we were messaging and I was just like "so did you even tell him about me?' and she was like "ok listen, he wasn't trying to get back with me, I was just trying to get my spare key back"..... and so I just like ohhh wtf I see now, you are trickle truthing me to test me in every scenario to see how far I will bend...
> 
> What ever. This weekend I am taking off out of town, I need a break anyway. A healthy break from this stuff.


I am sorry AP
She sounds like an attention wh0re......


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> NO KIDDING!!!
> So here's a little story about how things are going for me.....
> 
> Everything has been real fun, just great times. Late last week she admits she thinks she is starting to get some real feels! Cool whatev is all I think, luckily our lives make it so we can't rush into anything more so we always have breaks to think.
> So over the weekend she was kind of non existent and when I did talk to her it was just not normal so I knew something was going on. So Sunday she tells me her ex called and they talked a bunch and that this and that whatever crap...I was kind of pissed and basically was like "why didn't you tie up these loose ends so there's nothing to worry about".....
> So last night we already had plans to go out for dinner...and we talk a little more...found out some more **** that at one point if we didn't drive in the same vehicle I literally would have left her there...
> But we get back to her place and talk it out some more and shes like "I'm sorry I always do this, I fck **** up when feelings start. I will understand if you want to leave"
> So we hash it out enough and I end up staying the night. This morning I had already accepted the fact that this was probably the last time I would be around. For whatever reason either she doesn't like me or she likes me to much and is scared and she is trying to drive me away, so be it...
> So later this morning we were messaging and I was just like "so did you even tell him about me?' and she was like "ok listen, he wasn't trying to get back with me, I was just trying to get my spare key back"..... and so I just like ohhh wtf I see now, you are trickle truthing me to test me in every scenario to see how far I will bend...
> 
> What ever. This weekend I am taking off out of town, I need a break anyway. A healthy break from this stuff.


I am sorry AP
She sounds like an attention wh0re......


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Yep, He was the best man in our wedding. I have pics of us 2 in diapers playing together. 30 year friendship. So much for bros before ho's. :rofl:


Wow.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Okay, so NoChem is no longer an issue!
> 
> When P contacted me yesterday, it came to light that she had recently slept with him again, on one of the same days that he came and spent the night with me. There was SO much that we were both lied to about, I cant even begin to say.
> 
> So, me and P met up last night, had a couple drinks, compared notes and stories, texted the new woman, and went and knocked on NoChem's door. He was the world's biggest ass sitting there defending what he has done, and making excuses. Then he left to go meet up with the new woman. Well he was waiting for me when I got home, and got the few things he had at my house, and stomped and pouted and argued with me. Blames everything on me. No apology for either of us.


Good. Now wash your hands of him completely.

NO CONTACT.



unsure78 said:


> Well im usually by end of one date to determine Not a match....
> 
> By three dates I know if we are going to be getting to the sexy sex eventually / and usually if we connect enough ( from my end) to potentially make it to realtionship status ( if that's what they want to, of course)





muskrat said:


> I am pretty fussy, so I date very few. I usually know after 1 or 2 dates if I wish pursuing them.


I suppose I am like this, too.


----------



## Another Planet

No sorries I'm fine. I have never met a woman who does not test plus you guys all warned me.
I still like her, just I am taking a break(she is well aware of it) and where ever it goes after that is where it goes.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Sorry about that AP.* That testing crap is for the birds. *The woman I was in a ldr with was doing that crap and I checked out. She now is saying how much she wants to be with me, but the damage was done.
> 
> I DON'T PLAY GAMES!!!!


:iagree:


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Oakbrook Terrace. I have to do a presentation. Wish I could stay but its fly in and fly out one day. 10 hours on a plane and three at the office. Yay.


Ha I'm about 10 minutes away from there.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Oakbrook Terrace. I have to do a presentation. Wish I could stay but its fly in and fly out one day. 10 hours on a plane and three at the office. Yay.


Bandito i work 10 mins from there...


----------



## Ikaika

Last night I passed some of the time picking through items in a box that I brought home after my mom died, two years ago. In there were handwritten letters from my grandmother (I have a pic of her in my album when she was young) to my mom. My grandma had since divorced my grandfather (he was an alcoholic) and she was writing to my mom about men and dating and marriage. I looked at those letters and read a little on this thread, damn some of the wisdom I hear from women here giving salient advice to each other, it is spooky. Some of you sound just like my late grandmother. She was tough and feisty and pretty sure if she were around, she would be here on TAM on this thread. 

I miss her, but pretty sure she would also be making sure I was doing right by my family. "Yes, grandma, I will do the right thing, Malama pono".


----------



## unsure78

tom67 said:


> Ha I'm about 10 minutes away from there.


OOOO TOM 67.... now im curious where you at?


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> My grandma had since divorced my grandfather (he was an alcoholic) and she was writing to my mom about men and dating and marriage. I looked at those letters and read a little on this thread, damn some of the wisdom I hear from women here giving salient advice to each other, it is spooky. Some of you sound just like my late grandmother. She was tough and feisty and pretty sure if she were around, she would be here on TAM on this thread.
> 
> I miss her, but pretty sure she would also be making sure I was doing right by my family. "Yes, grandma, I will do the right thing, Malama pono".


Sorry about your loss.  

Aww! It must have been so interesting and enlightening to read those letters! Keep them forever--they are your family heirlooms.

What "silent advice" did you think was similar? I honesty think that there is a sort of wisdom or "veil-lift" that comes with divorce. your experience changes you afterward. I mean some people don't learn much (hehe) but it really does change the way we view things and our life experience.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> NO KIDDING!!!
> So here's a little story about how things are going for me.....
> 
> Everything has been real fun, just great times. Late last week she admits she thinks she is starting to get some real feels! Cool whatev is all I think, luckily our lives make it so we can't rush into anything more so we always have breaks to think.
> So over the weekend she was kind of non existent and when I did talk to her it was just not normal so I knew something was going on. So Sunday she tells me her ex called and they talked a bunch and that this and that whatever crap...I was kind of pissed and basically was like "why didn't you tie up these loose ends so there's nothing to worry about".....
> So last night we already had plans to go out for dinner...and we talk a little more...found out some more **** that at one point if we didn't drive in the same vehicle I literally would have left her there...
> But we get back to her place and talk it out some more and shes like "I'm sorry I always do this, I fck **** up when feelings start. I will understand if you want to leave"
> So we hash it out enough and I end up staying the night. This morning I had already accepted the fact that this was probably the last time I would be around. For whatever reason either she doesn't like me or she likes me to much and is scared and she is trying to drive me away, so be it...
> So later this morning we were messaging and I was just like "so did you even tell him about me?' and she was like "ok listen, he wasn't trying to get back with me, I was just trying to get my spare key back"..... and so I just like ohhh wtf I see now, you are trickle truthing me to test me in every scenario to see how far I will bend...
> 
> What ever. This weekend I am taking off out of town, I need a break anyway. A healthy break from this stuff.


THIS is what I meant in the "are you glad you divorced" thread. SOOOOO many emotionally unhealthy people out there!  Sounds like she gets scared then creates drama/tension/sh*t tests to use as escape/scape goats to get out of the vulnerable position. And she KNOWS it. 

Gah. Makes me annoyed and frustrated just reading it LOL


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Aww! It must have been so interesting and enlightening to read those letters! Keep them forever--they are your family heirlooms.
> 
> What "silent advice" did you think was similar? I honesty think that there is a sort of wisdom or "veil-lift" that comes with divorce. your experience changes you afterward. I mean some people don't learn much (hehe) but it really does change the way we view things and our life experience.



Hard to nail down what specific advice, it is just a collection of so much of what I hear


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> OOOO TOM 67.... now im curious where you at?


He's 10 minutes away from Oakbrook Terrace.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> He's 10 minutes away from Oakbrook Terrace.


hahahah LON.....


Maybe we should have a TAM lunch with Banditio?


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> THIS is what I meant in the "are you glad you divorced" thread. SOOOOO many emotionally unhealthy people out there!  Sounds like she gets scared then creates drama/tension/sh*t tests to use as escape/scape goats to get out of the vulnerable position. And she KNOWS it.
> 
> Gah. Makes me annoyed and frustrated just reading it LOL


Yeah it does suck cause we did have something but oh well. Personalities meshed really well, physical was great, kissing turns out to be amazing, sex is getting a lot better...just she had to pull this ****.


----------



## Jellybeans

Better to find out now than later, AP.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Yeah it does suck cause we did have something but oh well. Personalities meshed really well, physical was great, kissing turns out to be amazing, sex is getting a lot better...just she had to pull this ****.


What kind of issues was she having with the ex? Were they just too close for your comfort?


----------



## Jellybeans

This could explain the whole thing where you felt like you were the OM...


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> What kind of issues was she having with the ex? Were they just too close for your comfort?


It's almost laughable IMO. When she finally told me about the keys this morning after making a big deal about stuff Sunday and Monday she was like "no matter what I tell you you just get mad" and that's when I really realized she was totally testing me. 

She was with this guy for 2 months and then he pulled a disappearing act lol that's not a real boyfriend


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> This could explain the whole thing where you felt like you were the OM...


I WAS!!! He went Houdini like a week before our first date!!! Isn't that fckn funny! I knew it, I just couldn't put my finger on it! She said that before it happened she kind of knew he was going to.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't know if it's funny but it means your gut was probably spot on. And that you may be the back up plan til he comes back into the picture.

I did think it was super weird how she kept putting off meeting you.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> It's almost laughable IMO. When she finally told me about the keys this morning after making a big deal about stuff Sunday and Monday she was like "no matter what I tell you you just get mad" and that's when I really realized she was totally testing me.


UGH. Yeah. Tests. Are so annoying and immature and not worth your time.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Yep, He was the best man in our wedding. I have pics of us 2 in diapers playing together. 30 year friendship. So much for bros before ho's. :rofl:
> 
> 
> So I lost my wife, family as I knew it and the circle of friends I have had my whole life. It looks like I will also lose my cabin that has been in my family for 3 generations also.
> 
> On the other hand, I am a better man than I ever was before. My kids adore me. I am about to buy a house (it's a complicated deal with my parents help) and take my business and partner it with another business. ( this can actually really help me with CS in the future)


Lying conniving witch. I bet everyone knew but you. How cold can someone be? 

Rat I'm so sorry man. But I'm glad to hear you are putting it behind you. Sounds like you did not need those people anyways. You know, its good sometimes to purge yuour life of the people bringing you down. 

Your ex will pay dearly for her adultery. You will grow in stature in your children's eyes, and when they get old enough to understand what she did.........flush goes any respect for her.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah so much makes sense now...like when I met the best friend and she was like "so where did you come from?" And I told her that we met from Match and that we had been talking since like XMAS and her eyes got big and gave me this look and just said "really"...lol

No hurt really from this side of the fence, I just hate adding numbers to my list if you know what I mean. To much risk involved in my opinion 0_o


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Bandito i work 10 mins from there...


Yeah you me and Tom ought to gather for coffee.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> It's almost laughable IMO. When she finally told me about the keys this morning after making a big deal about stuff Sunday and Monday she was like "no matter what I tell you you just get mad" and that's when I really realized she was totally testing me.
> 
> She was with this guy for 2 months and then he pulled a disappearing act lol that's not a real boyfriend


Aww that really sucks. I am sorry AP


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Yeah you me and Tom ought to gather for coffee.


No TAM talk of laying naked all together under the ceiling fan though, ok? (i don't care if you go ahead and do, just don't want to have to read bout it) .


----------



## vi_bride04

Sounds like quite the potential cake eater, AP.


----------



## unsure78

lon said:


> no tam talk of laying naked all together under the ceiling fan though, ok? (i don't care if you go ahead and do, just don't want to have to read bout it) .


evaporating.......


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> evaporating.......


Methinks its still too cold in Chi for that. 

Although watching Unsure evaporate would be worth the 6 hour plane flight alone.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> It's almost laughable IMO. When she finally told me about the keys this morning after making a big deal about stuff Sunday and Monday she was like "no matter what I tell you you just get mad" and that's when I really realized she was totally testing me.
> 
> She was with this guy for 2 months and then he pulled a disappearing act lol that's not a real boyfriend


Wait - red flag on personal judgement... she gave a guy a KEY after dating him TWO MONTHS? Did I get that right?

Heck I never had a toothbrush at anyone's place (or vice versa for that matter) and the longest I've dated any one was 10 months.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wait - red flag on personal judgement... she gave a guy a KEY after dating him TWO MONTHS? Did I get that right?
> 
> Heck I never had a toothbrush at anyone's place (or vice versa for that matter) and the longest I've dated any one was 10 months.


Totally agree with this one!!

I am freaking out because blue eyes said something innocuous regarding a movie coming out in two months and making plans for US....


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wait - red flag on personal judgement... she gave a guy a KEY after dating him TWO MONTHS? Did I get that right?
> 
> Heck I never had a toothbrush at anyone's place (or vice versa for that matter) and the longest I've dated any one was 10 months.


I know, trust me. If she tried to give me a key I wouldn't accept it and probably make a few negative judgments.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> Totally agree with this one!!
> 
> I am freaking out because blue eyes said something innocuous regarding a movie coming out in two months and making plans for US....


I'm fine with future plans, especially if they are casual like that... although the guy who asked if I would move my TV to over the fireplace skeeved me out a bit as it was our 3rd date. Don't be mentally moving in and rearranging my stuff that soon! LOL

I think it can be natural if you enjoy someone to make a non-committal comment about a future event. And it doesn't have to be preceded with a "if we are still seeing each other..." because that is sort of implied.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I know, trust me. If she tried to give me a key I wouldn't accept it and probably make a few negative judgments.


Well......that should just show you right there the amount of crazy that is pent up in that woman. 2 months and giving someone a key?? You've been talking since xmas - she will probably be waiting for the marriage proposal by June!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> It's almost laughable IMO. When she finally told me about the keys this morning after making a big deal about stuff Sunday and Monday she was like "no matter what I tell you you just get mad" and that's when I really realized she was totally testing me.
> 
> She was with this guy for 2 months and then he pulled a disappearing act lol that's not a real boyfriend


Wow, a 2 month bf?? Here I am thinking ex HUSBAND, and those kinds of issues!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well......that should just show you right there the amount of crazy that is pent up in that woman. 2 months and giving someone a key?? You've been talking since xmas - she will probably be waiting for the marriage proposal by June!





3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, a 2 month bf?? Here I am thinking ex HUSBAND, and those kinds of issues!


I know right! **** we are at the month mark of dating and I see the 2 month mark as a stones throw away and wouldn't really consider me BF then just still dating especially since I don't really see us spending to much time together in the month of April...
I don't know I think she knows she made some mistakes with the ex and me and has it all pent up inside trying to figure it out. 
I'm fine as long as I have the truth and as long as there isn't some pieces of the puzzle that are obviously not right.


----------



## moxy

AP, it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. It's a good thing you're taking a step back to evaluate things. If she turns out to be a decent person, then, yay. If not, you've tried your luck and know more for your next relationship. Either way, you're being mindful and observant and that's a good idea.


----------



## Dollystanford

AP she sounds crazy


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP, it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. It's a good thing you're taking a step back to evaluate things. If she turns out to be a decent person, then, yay. If not, you've tried your luck and know more for your next relationship. Either way, you're being mindful and observant and that's a good idea.





Dollystanford said:


> AP she sounds crazy


Yep, I'm still going on my trip and she hasn't said anything but that she will miss me but that is it. Which is new to me cause my wife was a total stage 5 clinger from day 1(one of her reasons for cheating, I did stuff without her ) so me doing things alone but being with someone is different and I do like it.


----------



## jpr

I am surprised, frankly, that you are still considering Bleacher to be an option.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Yep, I'm still going on my trip and she hasn't said anything but that she will miss me but that is it. Which is new to me cause my wife was a total stage 5 clinger from day 1(one of her reasons for cheating, I did stuff without her ) so me doing things alone but being with someone is different and I do like it.


Hmm.... I am fixing to break your bubble.... 
She sounds crazy AP, she is probably hiding it because 
A. She is not comfortable enough to bring tge crazy out
B. She sees you as a back up plan.

But I do hope it works out.

Btw!!!'what are some of the "test" men do on women?


----------



## Another Planet

We all have baggage right? I'm not connecting her to my life other then dating for a while...and I'm satisfied with that.

Honestly she is the least crazy girl I have EVER been involved with and I apply the most boundaries I have ever had. We cleared up the kids thing and it turned out to be a source of stress for her also, I made it clear I didn't even want to be over while the kids were in bed in case of a mishap...AND she agrees with me and has since voiced how much she appreciates it. Same as the space issue, we both have our own **** to do and need to do it so it hasn't even been an issue not even a drop.


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok what I miss? Bleacher is crazy?? Can I have coles notes!!!

And am I allowed to get my freak on finally at date number 4? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok what I miss? Bleacher is crazy?? Can I have *coles* notes!!!
> 
> And am I allowed to get my freak on finally at date number 4?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What did you just say?


----------



## familyfirst09

Coles notes!! Isn't that the way to say it? Yanno, the short version of the last 10 pages. What did bleacher do??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

That's about the creepiest thing you could have done lol
Must be a Canadian thing eh? It's Cliff's notes here in the states is what I am assuming you are referring to...meaning the short version.


----------



## familyfirst09

Why is that creepy??? Ok, nevermind then...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

That's my real name...and it's not a common name lol


----------



## familyfirst09

Another Planet said:


> That's my real name...and it's not a common name lol


Omfg, that's hilarious!! I had no idea!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oldfaithful

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok what I miss? Bleacher is crazy?? Can I have coles notes!!!
> 
> 
> 
> And am I allowed to get my freak on finally at date number 4?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you knee deep in penis?


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmm penis


----------



## Another Planet

Oldfaithful said:


> Are you knee deep in penis?


Lololol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Oldfaithful said:


> Are you knee deep in penis?



Lolololololol. Have I ever told you how much I love you? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

And no, no I am not. Just enjoying the actual dating process and getting to know someone. No need to be knee deep in anything. I value myself more than that 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmm penis


Lololol Vi!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Better question is Vi knee deep in penis?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

And ff 4 is fully acceptable if thats what you want. . If nsweet were here I think he would say 6 to 8 dates
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

I think it is...still debating...so far he has not done anything whatsoever to say he's a douche or a jerk and has shown nothing but respect and care for me. What a new concept!! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oldfaithful

I think four is a good number!
Just be careful he doesn't end up knee deep in *****.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Better question is Vi knee deep in penis?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha ha ha ha 

No, I wish...!!!


----------



## Oldfaithful

That would be a long one.


----------



## familyfirst09

Oldfaithful said:


> I think four is a good number!
> Just be careful he doesn't end up knee deep in *****.


Well he can be...as long as it's just mine bahahahaha  (that was crude!!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Ha ha ha ha
> 
> No, I wish...!!!


Wait what about disc golf?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Wait what about disc golf?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah, we still text daily and getting to know each other. Just hasn't been anymore sex. 

I asked him out spur of the moment last Friday after he got out of work(2nd shifter) but he had an appointment for his car in the morning and worked at noon. Then I had plans Sat. And we were both busy doing our own thing Sunday. So nothing has really been setup for another date, but nothing is telling me he isn't interested anymore. Just leaving the ball in his court. 2nd shift is lame - but its temporary.


----------



## Nsweet

Hello.


----------



## Another Planet

Hey look who it is...stranger 
Hey I have a fckn picture for you...lets see if I can get it loaded lol


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Hey look who it is...stranger
> Hey I have a fckn picture for you...lets see if I can get it loaded lol


You better PM me and let me get back to you. I have to run and get back on the train to the VA now.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Hey I have a fckn picture for you...lets see if I can get it loaded lol


YIKES!!! 

Didn't think you were that close with NSweet to share such pics


----------



## Another Planet

ok


----------



## Another Planet

LOL no it's hilarious...wish i could get it loaded....:/


----------



## RandomDude

Managed to split with my date, turns out she has too much of a hangup now over my ex and I, problems just kept getting worse. Whatever... like I give a sh-t as I've been dating another hottie this week, and may just get lucky on Friday! 

Unless of course, she sings the same song "You're still married!" -.-
Then I would be annoyed!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

familyfirst09 said:


> Well he can be...as long as it's just mine bahahahaha  (that was crude!!)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And deep!


----------



## ne9907

We are too quiet today, blue eyes is going on vacation today will be back on Monday after Easter.

That's good, not sure if I dig him as much anymore....


----------



## EnjoliWoman

It's OK to have a little space and time to gain perspective.


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn, everyone must be busy getting action in real life cuz this thread has none today!!


----------



## unsure78

Been buried at work... and trying to learn to be more sensitive to emotional coworkers

Currently drinking my life away (an unusual move for me, im not a drinker)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Not action I want to be doing ATM...chick a bow chick a bow wow... I have a ton of paper work and loose ends to tie up before Friday morning so I can take off early so I've been busy.


----------



## unsure78

Oooo im going to start drunk posting now...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Someone please amuse me.... pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

Its been a bad day 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Be glad you are at the bar instead of sitting at the Sec of State like I am....this place makes me want to drink!!! I just need to renew my plates and its so nice out...ugh want to go for a walk....the wait is stupid.

Anyways, this might be amusing, plan b hat wanted to take me out today. Sent a text at 4pm....and I haven't had any contact with him for over a week. Ok buddy, I may be a spontaneous person but get real!


----------



## COGypsy

Are you doing evaluations too, Unsure? I hate this time of year, I have a couple of people that I absolutely dread doing evals with!


----------



## unsure78

Wow 4..geeze thats crap.. cant be at a bar, got my son, drinking at home.... I rarely drink
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I can't you won't talk to me 

The pic I wanted to post for Nsweet is the signage for a local gym that I drive by every day. The sign is of a giant blue kettle bell lol So every time I drive by this place I have to think of Nsweets penis....it's the funniest **** lol
Wish I could load the pic up


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I can't you won't talk to me
> 
> The pic I wanted to post for Nsweet is the signage for a local gym that I drive by every day. The sign is of a giant blue kettle bell lol So every time I drive by this place I have to think of Nsweets penis....it's the funniest **** lol
> Wish I could load the pic up


Hes in that program now... I dont think he has a lot of Internet access

Im just not talking about bleacher situation... totally not going to say I warned you lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

I have spent hours of my personal therapy trying to figure out how to better work with these two individuals to no avail. . No matter what I try they seem to be offeneded
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

No ones got anything funny today?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I WISH I was getting some action. I was busy conducting my research study. Was neat! Does any on us the TAM phone app? Not aure I like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I WISH I was getting some action. I was busy conducting my research study. Was neat! Does any on us the TAM phone app? Not aure I like it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ive never tried the app...

Whats your research on jelly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Gender/age & attitudes/intentions re: organ/tissue donation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Gender/age & attitudes/intentions re: organ/tissue donation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Interesting topic, would enjoy reading it. But, I'm a nerd for such topics.


----------



## moxy

I'm tired from getting action and grading papers. This is going to be some kind of week. I am in dire need of more caffeine. I did, however, catch up on plenty of sleep.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I WISH I was getting some action. I was busy conducting my research study. Was neat! Does any on us the TAM phone app? Not aure I like it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love Taptalk. So much better than a mobile browser or the mobile site. 
Funny....hmmmm can't think of anything right now. Going to go treat myself to a nice dinner since its my birthday


----------



## ne9907

Happy Birthday, Vi!!!!!!


----------



## Ikaika

Happy birthday.


----------



## Another Planet

Happy Bday Vi!!!


----------



## muskrat

Looks like I'm not the only one feeling like crap tonight. Come on ya'll let's cheer this place up. 
I could post a naked pic, that should give everyone a good laugh!:rofl:


----------



## muskrat

Happy birthday Vi!!!!!


----------



## Fenix

Happy birthday, Vi!!


----------



## Jellybeans

I hope you enjoy your dinner, birthday lady! 

Topify is the app I downloaded..I may try Tapatalk.


----------



## COGypsy

Happy birthday, Vi! Go Aries!!


----------



## Another Planet

Soooo I know you guys think she is crazy but she must touch some things for me that my personality needs that isn't exactly dangerous infatuation because I have feelings even after say days of being apart or more when the fog is gone. 
So next thing is how exactly do you find someone that can touch those things you need touched with out them being "crazy"? 
Anyone want to talk about that? Is everyone crazy in their own ways and we are just looking for another person that meets their own crazy that fits together?...


----------



## Jellybeans

There's no way to control if someone else is "crazy" or not. You may only be feeling this way, or feeling it heightened, because of the fact that she is being wishy-washy again. Wanting what you can't have and whatnot. I say let her go if she is still fckin around. No point in extending the madness if she can't decide what she wants.


----------



## ne9907

I say ride the infatuation/like/love until it's gone but be prepared for the pain that may follow.


----------



## ne9907

On different news, I need some help.
About a week ago I received a pm from a member (he had pm me once before asking if I had the rights to my avatar picture) asking to know my story.
I have learned to be very cautious and will not share that information with just anyone.
I asked him why he was interested, he responded that he wasnt sure.whether I was the BS or WS. 
He asked a couple more personal questions but I did not answer.
I am still a bit naive so I explained my reasoning
Well today I finally opened my PM and he sent me one the other.day
Saying
"You.have too many wounds, I would only sprinkle salt on them. I should not keep in touch with you. Good bye"

Wtf? Am I over reacting thinking.this could be someone I personally know??

I wanted to post something that happened yeaterday and today but I am apprehensive.
Any ideas?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> On different news, I need some help.
> About a week ago I received a pm from a member (he had pm me once before asking if I had the rights to my avatar picture) asking to know my story.
> I have learned to be very cautious and will not share that information with just anyone.
> I asked him why he was interested, he responded that he wasnt sure.whether I was the BS or WS.
> He asked a couple more personal questions but I did not answer.
> I am still a bit naive so I explained my reasoning
> Well today I finally opened my PM and he sent me one the other.day
> Saying
> "You.have too many wounds, I would only sprinkle salt on them. I should not keep in touch with you. Good bye"
> 
> Wtf? Am I over reacting thinking.this could be someone I personally know??
> 
> I wanted to post something that happened yeaterday and today but I am apprehensive.
> Any ideas?


What?!?! That right there is crah crah crazy in my opinion! 
Let me get this straight, someone from here on TAM is crushing on you?
Give him your # "867-5309" lololololol


----------



## ne9907

Not crushing on me. I am thinking it could be ex.or someone that knows me.
The last message.unnerved me.
Sprinkle salt on my wounds???

Who the hell says that?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Not crushing on me. I am thinking it could be ex.or someone that knows me.
> The last message.unnerved me.
> Sprinkle salt on my wounds???
> 
> Who the hell days that?


Who says that? Who doesn't know you or even does know you is pretty crah! That's not normal, it's like along the lines of "I'm a bad boy if you want"...
"You.have too many wounds, I would only sprinkle salt on them. I should not keep in touch with you. Good bye"
That's like passive aggressive weird **** :/


----------



## vi_bride04

So I didn't get a chance to treat myself 

Feeling lonely. And now my sister is dealing with an OS coworker of her bf crossing some boundaries. Well, actually I should say dealing with her bf not having boundaries. She wanted me to go to the bar where they all went after work. F that, I'm not getting involved with that drama. I may be feeling lonely but I'm not stupid.


----------



## Lon

What is going on in my Facebook, my "people you may know" section is filled up with a bunch of playboy bunnies that have no mutual friends. So why is it saying I may know them and why the sudden influx?


----------



## vi_bride04

And thank you everyone for the wishes, so much appreciated !!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> What is going on in my Facebook, my "people you may know" section is filled up with a bunch of playboy bunnies that have no mutual friends. So why is it saying I may know them and why the sudden influx?


Happens to me every once in a while...usually when I have malware or some other bloatware that needs to be taken care of. Run a deepscan and reset passwords.


----------



## ne9907

I really hope I am over reacting yet his last PM was ****ty and unnecessary.
If you think you "should not" talk to me, DO NOT... I certainly dont need to know


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I really hope I am over reacting yet his last PM was ****ty and unnecessary.
> If you think you "should not" talk to me, DO NOT... I certainly dont need to know


NE TAM is not a dating site


----------



## Oldfaithful

NE I would report to the mods.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I love Taptalk. So much better than a mobile browser or the mobile site.
> Funny....hmmmm can't think of anything right now. Going to go treat myself to a nice dinner since its my birthday


Happy Birthday!!! Have some cake.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Soooo I know you guys think she is crazy but she must touch some things for me that my personality needs that isn't exactly dangerous infatuation because I have feelings even after say days of being apart or more when the fog is gone.
> So next thing is how exactly do you find someone that can touch those things you need touched with out them being "crazy"?
> Anyone want to talk about that? Is everyone crazy in their own ways and we are just looking for another person that meets their own crazy that fits together?...


I think that everyone is crazy. Or, everyone has baggage. Or, everyone has something or another that can spiral outward into drama. However, there is a level of dysfunction that goes beyond normal. That line is your boundary. Only you can determine how much you can put up with and how much you won't. At a certain point, if you compromise yourself too much, you're not respecting yourself, but you should expect to compromise a bit -- and, to tolerate some weirdness.

Here's the key to it: when someone else's crazy demonstrates that that person wants different things in life than you do, it is likely to create drama and discord that interferes with a good relationship in the future, or there is something like a deeply troubling personality problem to contend with, you should notice it. Those things are red flags that indicate possible problems with stability in a relationship. They're not all bad and not always bad. They are determined by things that you want and need. 

When others hear us talk about what we want and then hear us falling in with people who might complicate what we want -- because, let's face it, we all compromise when we are in love, lust, or limerence, as we aren't thinking clearly in those states -- they notice those red flags from the outside. They warn the people who matter to them that caution and reflection might be a good idea. Sometimes, those issues can be addressed and a relationship can thrive. Sometimes, they can't. Ignoring them makes them worse, usually.

Personally, I know I need a certain amount of drama and dysfunction of a certain kind in a relationship. Other kinds won't work with my life. If I feel unsafe, emotionally or physically, there's a problem; there's also a problem if I feel bored or extinguished in a relationship or it devolves into routine and obligation. For me, the balance of crazy and stability ties in to how my partner interacts with the world and how he treats me. Red flags I should look for would be overly reckless, violent, and disrespectful behavior, which I'm sometimes attracted to and which I appreciate being called out on, even as I regret the missed opportunity of that fun.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> So I didn't get a chance to treat myself
> 
> Feeling lonely. And now my sister is dealing with an OS coworker of her bf crossing some boundaries. Well, actually I should say dealing with her bf not having boundaries. She wanted me to go to the bar where they all went after work. F that, I'm not getting involved with that drama. I may be feeling lonely but I'm not stupid.


Boo. That's no bueno. Hopefully you can celebrate yourself tomorrow instead?


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I think that everyone is crazy. Or, everyone has baggage. Or, everyone has something or another that can spiral outward into drama. However, there is a level of dysfunction that goes beyond normal. That line is your boundary. Only you can determine how much you can put up with and how much you won't. At a certain point, if you compromise yourself too much, you're not respecting yourself, but you should expect to compromise a bit -- and, to tolerate some weirdness.
> 
> Here's the key to it: when someone else's crazy demonstrates that that person wants different things in life than you do, it is likely to create drama and discord that interferes with a good relationship in the future, or there is something like a deeply troubling personality problem to contend with, you should notice it. Those things are red flags that indicate possible problems with stability in a relationship. They're not all bad and not always bad. They are determined by things that you want and need.
> 
> When others hear us talk about what we want and then hear us falling in with people who might complicate what we want -- because, let's face it, we all compromise when we are in love, lust, or limerence, as we aren't thinking clearly in those states -- they notice those red flags from the outside. They warn the people who matter to them that caution and reflection might be a good idea. Sometimes, those issues can be addressed and a relationship can thrive. Sometimes, they can't. Ignoring them makes them worse, usually.
> 
> Personally, I know I need a certain amount of drama and dysfunction of a certain kind in a relationship. Other kinds won't work with my life. If I feel unsafe, emotionally or physically, there's a problem; there's also a problem if I feel bored or extinguished in a relationship or it devolves into routine and obligation. For me, the balance of crazy and stability ties in to how my partner interacts with the world and how he treats me. Red flags I should look for would be overly reckless, violent, and disrespectful behavior, which I'm sometimes attracted to and which I appreciate being called out on, even as I regret the missed opportunity of that fun.


Nice. Very good job :smthumbup:
Things aren't ever perfect, you can't expect it or want it. But sitting around waiting on bad stuff to change...that's a no go there.


----------



## Another Planet

So just a thought I have been been stirring on but everyone has so much energy in a day to use whether it be physical or emotional. If you use to much of either especially emotional on something else then their significant other that is where problems come in. So if you are working to much and you are to physically tired or you talk to to many friends you end up tasked or overloaded and you don't have enough left for your significant other...that's where the real problems lie :/
I am talking from an introverts stand point ATM


----------



## moxy

Introverts like their alone time. They need it in order to recharge. As an introvert, I understand what you're saying. If I've used up my energy quota and still have to be social, I will not do well. However, I tend to feel that time with an intimate partner recharges me just as much as solitude does, when that time is harmonious (or orgasmic). Writing or painting or listening to music or dancing do, too. In a way, I can tune out during those times and gather life energy while still being active. 

I think that when one is in a committed relationship, balancing work, life, family, and love must be a priority. When we fail to do this, we suffer -- and, those who count on us suffer, too.


----------



## RandomDude

New date working fast... scary =/
Almost too easy, must be a catch!

Hmmm


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> On different news, I need some help.
> About a week ago I received a pm from a member (he had pm me once before asking if I had the rights to my avatar picture) asking to know my story.
> I have learned to be very cautious and will not share that information with just anyone.
> I asked him why he was interested, he responded that he wasnt sure.whether I was the BS or WS.
> He asked a couple more personal questions but I did not answer.
> I am still a bit naive so I explained my reasoning
> Well today I finally opened my PM and he sent me one the other.day
> Saying
> "You.have too many wounds, I would only sprinkle salt on them. I should not keep in touch with you. Good bye"
> 
> Wtf? Am I over reacting thinking.this could be someone I personally know??
> 
> I wanted to post something that happened yeaterday and today but I am apprehensive.
> Any ideas?


 That is creepy.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> New date working fast... scary =/
> Almost too easy, must be a catch!
> 
> Hmmm


Lol, too slow, too fast.....picky picky picky


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> Introverts like their alone time. They need it in order to recharge. As an introvert, I understand what you're saying. If I've used up my energy quota and still have to be social, I will not do well. However, I tend to feel that time with an intimate partner recharges me just as much as solitude does, when that time is harmonious (or orgasmic). Writing or painting or listening to music or dancing do, too. In a way, I can tune out during those times and gather life energy while still being active.


This is me, too. People are often surprised when they find out I consider myself an introvert. I was in a social profession (bus dev) and enjoy going out...but on my terms. I need my down time. Spending quiet time (literally, quiet) with certain people helps in recharging. So does exercise and reading or listening to music.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> About a week ago I received a pm from a member (he had pm me once before asking if I had the rights to my avatar picture) asking to know my story.
> I have learned to be very cautious and will not share that information with just anyone.
> I asked him why he was interested, he responded that he wasnt sure.whether I was the BS or WS.
> He asked a couple more personal questions but I did not answer.
> I am still a bit naive so I explained my reasoning
> Well today I finally opened my PM and he sent me one the other.day
> Saying
> "You.have too many wounds, I would only sprinkle salt on them. I should not keep in touch with you. Good bye"
> 
> Wtf? Am I over reacting thinking.this could be someone I personally know??
> 
> I wanted to post something that happened yeaterday and today but I am apprehensive.
> Any ideas?


What happened yesterday? It sounds like a trol.. I would report him AND I would tell us what the poster's name is so we can be on the look out. There is an influx of trolls on TAM lately. 

I was getting PM'ed by one recently all up in my business asking questions saying he wanted to start close relationship w/ someone of TAM because he and his wife were having problems and blah blah blah.Newbie. I responded "I don't use TAM for that and that's not what the forum is for." He wrote back and I never respond. DELETE.



Lon said:


> What is going on in my Facebook, my "people you may know" section is filled up with a bunch of playboy bunnies that have no mutual friends. So why is it saying I m
> 
> They're bots.
> 
> ay know them and why the sudden influx?





vi_bride04 said:


> . F that, I'm not getting involved with that drama. I may be feeling lonely but I'm not stupid.


:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> On different news, I need some help.
> About a week ago I received a pm from a member (he had pm me once before asking if I had the rights to my avatar picture) asking to know my story.
> I have learned to be very cautious and will not share that information with just anyone.
> I asked him why he was interested, he responded that he wasnt sure.whether I was the BS or WS.
> He asked a couple more personal questions but I did not answer.
> I am still a bit naive so I explained my reasoning
> Well today I finally opened my PM and he sent me one the other.day
> Saying
> "You.have too many wounds, I would only sprinkle salt on them. I should not keep in touch with you. Good bye"
> 
> Wtf? Am I over reacting thinking.this could be someone I personally know??
> 
> I wanted to post something that happened yeaterday and today but I am apprehensive.
> Any ideas?


Eh, some people don't understand the need for privacy. I'm kind of a TMI person. Aside from stalkers (who should be warned I own a gun and know how to use it), I'm pretty much an open book. But others may have a career or family that requires more discretion. I'm sure there are people on here who are prominent in their community, or a doctor of politician or big business owner who prefer the world not know their personal business. 

My ex might not like it but I haven't put his name or mine out here and we've been divorced for nearly 10 years so it's unlikely anyone from my area is on here, knows us both and reports back but if the did - eh. I doubt it would have any impact on his business. But I've been very discreet about that because he's so paranoid.

Or it could be a troll. Either way, you sent boundaries and he interpreted them as being defensive. Doesn't really matter.


----------



## Another Planet

Men stalkers are easy just shoot them.....now women stalkers are absolutely terrifying and I'm glad I haven't had one in a while, they don't mess with you physically it's all mentally.....

door bell rings "oh hey I was driving by and it looks like someone ran over your dog 4 times but it's ok I bought you a new one and whenever you need I can come over and take care of it for you and heres some dog food too and I hope you don't mind but I brought my cat with me"

I must have made progress in my boundaries because I will have to say it has been months with out any crazy happening and I was getting **** almost daily going on...


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> door bell rings "oh hey I was driving by and it looks like someone ran over your dog 4 times but it's ok I bought you a new one and whenever you need I can come over and take care of it for you and heres some dog food too and I hope you don't mind but I brought my cat with me"


You date/know so very strange women, AP.


----------



## FeministInPink

Ne, I think Enjoli has it right. He doesn't have much concept of privacy and just got defensive when you asserted your boundary. From the little info we have to go on, he also sounds like the kind of guy who thinks he has everyone pegged.

If he actually leaves you alone (as he is threatening to do), I don't think you need to do anything more, but if he continues to contact you, then I would suggest that you block him or report him.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> door bell rings "oh hey I was driving by and it looks like someone ran over your dog 4 times but it's ok I bought you a new one and whenever you need I can come over and take care of it for you and heres some dog food too and I hope you don't mind but I brought my cat with me".


So freaking hillarious!!!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> So just a thought I have been been stirring on but everyone has so much energy in a day to use whether it be physical or emotional. If you use to much of either especially emotional on something else then their significant other that is where problems come in. So if you are working to much and you are to physically tired or you talk to to many friends you end up tasked or overloaded and you don't have enough left for your significant other...that's where the real problems lie :/
> I am talking from an introverts stand point ATM


True, but not just applicable to introverts. It's about balance and the "mind, body, soul" thing. Too much of one or the other creates imbalance and a lacking of being the right person in the relationship.


----------



## ne9907

The following is what I was afraid to share, but I agre with you regarding the unnerving PM, he does not know ne.
I had sex with blue eyes, it wasnt great but it wasnt bad either. I am undecided if I will continue to see him, so glad he is on vacation.

So yesterday, I am texting a good friend of mine all the dirty details. I told her I wasnt sure if I would see him again, she asked why and....
I sent a response to blue eyes instead of her!!!!!

How???? I have no idea!! It was so strange! 
The response was something like
"Plus he.got upset when I no longer wanted to cuddle after sex, plus he was weird in the morning when I did not make time to drink coffee. He told me he wanted to be in a monogamous relationship but not feel.tied down. All I want is a rebound. I told him I want nothing serious."

I felt bad for sending him a text not meant for him, so obviously I apologized.
He replied with 
Was that about me? I said yes... then after a while he said 
"Its all good, I am.glad you got your rebound in"
(Now its kinda funny, but believe me, it wasnt yesterday!
I told him that it wasnt good, that I liked him, and that my human interaction is not.the best (true)

He then proceeded to explain how he wasnt upset about the cuddling because he.could care less about that, and that he was just being polite in the morning with the coffee.
I simply.responded with ok.

So after a while, he sends me two pictures of him.
I had asked him for a photo with him smiling but he hadnt sent.me anything. I like his smile. In one of the photos he is smiling

So.that is my week so far! I may or may not see him again, I want to see him againas I do.enjoy his company
But either way, I am good


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> This is me, too. People are often surprised when they find out I consider myself an introvert. I was in a social profession (bus dev) and enjoy going out...but on my terms. I need my down time. Spending quiet time (literally, quiet) with certain people helps in recharging. So does exercise and reading or listening to music.


Fenix, I find this really applies to me, as well. I can be very social, very outgoing, very engaging, so people assume I am an extrovert. I need a lot of alone/down time.

But I think moxy is right, that quite time with an intimate partner can be just as recharging as quite time alone.

I had a very long day yesterday. At the college where I work, I manage our Open House, which - aside from graduation - is the biggest, most important event of the year. It is a gargantuan task. I usually have two staff members assisting me, but due to recent staffing changes and a hiring freeze, I had no help this year, so I've been doing the whole thing solo. I have lots of help day-of, but I've been working a lot of 12-15 hr days recently to keep up with it. Anyway, the day-of is a marathon, starting at 7:30 am; I am running the entire day, answering questions, putting out fires, directing volunteers, etc. When I finally got done, I was relieved to go home and have some peace and quiet, but I was also thinking, "This is one of those days where I really with that I had someone to come home to." Someone to just BE with, and to share with.

Speaking of sharing... I never liked sharing. I was always a selfish kid; I didn't want to share with the other kids or my sister. I hate going out with a group of people, and one person is like, "Let's order a whole bunch of stuff and just share it all." I hate that. (Partly because I have some allergies/food sensitivities that mean I can't always partake in food other people want to order, partly because I'm money conscious and I don't want to subsidize someone else ordering the most expensive thing on the menu when all I want is a salad. Anyway.) I live in a densely populated, expensive city, with good mass transit, and I've voluntarily taken on a new car payment/insurance because I don't want to do the car-sharing thing (e.g. ZipCar). I don't like sharing. Period. 

So, I continually surprised myself when it came to my now former husband and sharing. In my relationship with him, it was the first time that I ever found myself actually wanting to share with another person. The kind of sharing where whenever I have a cookie, and I always give the other person half so can both enjoy the cookie. 

Hopefully, sometime in the future, I'll meet someone with whom I want to share my cookies again. And who wants to share his cookies with me


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Awkward! Glad he took it well. Yikes! Yet funny.  Sounds like sending the photo was an olive branch sort of thing - being nice about the faux pas.


----------



## moxy

NE, I'm so sorry to hear about your wayward text! You must have been mortified! At least you had a chance to discuss those things, though. It may influence how things go in your relationship, but, it may not. At the very least, the concept of honesty and sincerity has been introduced. It's so important to know what you think/feel before you express it; maybe you will both be more open in communication from here on out.


----------



## moxy

I'm drowning in work today, but making swift progress for a funny reason. My libido is distractingly in overdrive today. I feel like I'm possessed by the demonic ghost of an adolescent boy. Ugh. I don't know if I have a crush on GI Joe or just want his body; it varies daily. Today is so frustrating! Perhaps this is just what happens when one breaks out of a very long isolation. Well, the motivation to avoid my thoughts is, at least, making me very productive in my tasks!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> So yesterday, I am texting a good friend of mine all the dirty details. I told her I wasnt sure if I would see him again, she asked why and....
> I sent a response to blue eyes instead of her!!!!!


OH MAN! :slap: I think we have all done that at one point, but wow, what a bad subject to do it with! Glad it went as well as it did.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I'm drowning in work today, but making swift progress for a funny reason. My libido is distractingly in overdrive today. I feel like I'm possessed by the demonic ghost of an adolescent boy. Ugh.


Me every day. 



Take one for the team, Moxy.


----------



## Lon

This is so weird, I'm allowing my ex's new H to spend some time with my son during my custody.

I'm torn on whether this is good for my son or not... he hasn't seen his stepson in a couple weeks because he's been working out of town, and will be again when my ex has custody. It will only be a couple hours, but it seems messed up that I was asked this, and am even agreeing to it. But I can't think of any good reason why I should deny this, he is a part of my son's life too.

Perhaps I should just require my ex to make this request next time.


----------



## Lon

I just wrote a message to my ex, asking her to personally make this kind of request next time. Co-parenting is technically the job of just me and her.


----------



## Another Planet

My exwife and her "friend" that is a guy hangs out with the kids all the time...she says they aren't anything they just hang out and as long as she doesn't call him BF or screw him it's ok 
That's not the reason why you don't involve kids, kids can get attached to anyone it just so happens that a person you are dating can abruptly leave your life at any moment and if the kids are attached they can be hurt. Plus who knows who is a creeper or abusive until it's too late so might as well screen them as long as you can and not risk involving your kids until you are pretty damn sure.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> On different news, I need some help
> 
> Any ideas?


Just my 2 cents.

REPORT HIM IMMEDIATELY.

Anybody (especially of the opposite sex) who pries for personal information here is WAY WAY WAY out of line.

Especially if they try to do it under the radar.

Now I have one question for you before you give me your phone number.....










what's your phone number?

 oh and hi NE!

(not kidding about reporting him)


----------



## Lon

Well this guy has been around a couple years, they got married in January, and I just found out yesterday from my son that "mommy has a baby in her tummy" (which isn't much of a surprise to me, kinda knew what was going on - ex had surgery in Dec and I suspected reversed her tubal, then she sold her business and took a job, presumably to accumulate maternity benefits).


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Just my 2 cents.
> 
> REPORT HIM IMMEDIATELY.
> 
> Anybody (especially of the opposite sex) who pries for personal information here is WAY WAY WAY out of line.
> 
> Especially if they try to do it under the radar.
> 
> Now I have one question for you before you give me your phone number.....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> what's your phone number?
> 
> oh and hi NE!
> 
> (not kidding about reporting him)


Hi DisenchAnted so nice of you to stop by!!
I am so tired... went hiking, had awesome sushi and now ready yo crash but have to go back to work


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Hi Disenchanted. So nice of you to stop by!!


Last time I checked a phone number was made up of numbers not letters.

HAHhahahaha ok ok hi ne, thanks!

Grats on baggin' ole blue eyes!!!

Careful with the texts though, that can get sticky 

Love sushi!!!


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Last time I checked a phone number was made up of numbers not letters.
> 
> HAHhahahaha ok ok hi ne, thanks!
> 
> Grats on baggin' ole blue eyes!!!
> 
> Careful with the texts though, that can get sticky
> 
> Love sushi!!!


Lol, fine!! You had me at whats your.number..
It is 805 867 5309.

Thank you but congratulations are not.needed, he was easy and practically beggin for it ....


----------



## Disenchanted

Why am I so good at getting bad numbers? hmph.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Why am I so good at getting bad numbers? hmph.


Personally, I think that it is because you would not know what to do with my number.


----------



## COGypsy

Disenchanted said:


> Why am I so good at getting bad numbers? hmph.


It's not a bad number...it's a classic!


----------



## lisab0105

Lon, since he is her husband, I don't think you should be opposed to having a cordial relationship with him. I know it is weird, but if I was in your position, I would just focus on the fact that my son has another person in his life that really cares about him and wants to spend time with him when he can. 
There is nothing wrong with a lot of people caring about your son 

I just watched this today and while I think she is a little nutso, I do appreciate her view about the kids. 

https://screen.yahoo.com/popular/friends-ex-202809872.html


----------



## lisab0105

If I could have some more opinions please, I got a an idea for the site that I would like to try out when the membership is rather considerate. 

I will be doing podcasts and during the show I want to pick a member randomly every week or two weeks and pull a "Love Connection" on them. We'll choose three members that we think would be a good match for her and she picks the one she wants to go out with (all three would give their approval a head of time). I will choose what they do on some of the date, like appetizers and a dance lesson at Arthur Murray...something like that and I will pay for it. The next podcast, I call them both up and they tell us about their date, good or bad 

Clearly, I am trying to break the mold of your typical dating sites and I am trying to make it worth their monthly subscription. 

What do you guys think?


----------



## bandit.45

lisab0105 said:


> If I could have some more opinions please, I got a an idea for the site that I would like to try out when the membership is rather considerate.
> 
> I will be doing podcasts and during the show I want to pick a member randomly every week or two weeks and pull a "Love Connection" on them. We'll choose three members that we think would be a good match for her and she picks the one she wants to go out with (all three would give their approval a head of time). I will choose what they do on some of the date, like appetizers and a dance lesson at Arthur Murray...something like that and I will pay for it. The next podcast, I call them both up and they tell us about their date, good or bad
> 
> Clearly, I am trying to break the mold of your typical dating sites and I am trying to make it worth their monthly subscription.
> 
> What do you guys think?


Are you up for it timewise? Seems like something that will require alot of late night....


----------



## bandit.45

I have a question for you all. I have forsaken my oath of celibacy for the sake of hotness.

There is a woman who works for a subcontracting company that does alot of work for me. Im 46 and she is 28. We flirt every time I have been to her office and today I sent her an e-mail asking her if she wanted to go out this weekend. 

I had not even grabbed my mouse after typing when I got a reply "Yes!"

Am I too old for her? I was defensive captain of my high school football team the year she was born. 

Please say "No, of course not! Go for it B!" 

She is sooooooo freakin' hot.


----------



## lisab0105

bandit.45 said:


> Are you up for it timewise? Seems like something that will require alot of late night....


Oh yeah, definitely up for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

bandit.45 said:


> I have a question for you all. I have forsaken my oath of celibacy for the sake of hotness.
> 
> There is a woman who works for a subcontracting company that does alot of work for me. Im 46 and she is 28. We flirt every time I have been to her office and today I sent her an e-mail asking her if she wanted to go out this weekend.
> 
> I had not even grabbed my mouse after typing when I got a reply "Yes!"
> 
> Am I too old for her? I was defensive captain of my high school football team the year she was born.
> 
> Please say "No, of course not! Go for it B!"
> 
> She is sooooooo freakin' hot.


Yes, you are too old for her...but who cares 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Lon, since he is her husband, I don't think you should be opposed to having a cordial relationship with him. I know it is weird, but if I was in your position, I would just focus on the fact that my son has another person in his life that really cares about him and wants to spend time with him when he can.
> There is nothing wrong with a lot of people caring about your son
> 
> I just watched this today and while I think she is a little nutso, I do appreciate her view about the kids.
> 
> https://screen.yahoo.com/popular/friends-ex-202809872.html


I know, but I'm trying to be protective of the parental boundaries, and my separation agreement is with her not him. It just felt wrong that another man is asking to spend time with my child, but I know he is being an involved step parent and showing my son care and love. Or so I hope anyway because that is all I can do. Either way I'm going to leave it up to my childs mother to have to take responsibility and vouch for the guy.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Yes, you are too old for her...but who cares
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


46/2+7=30. Too old bandit, but atleast she is not so young it's cradle robbing. I say go for it, worst case people might think she is your daughter. Best case... You can find out for yourself! Report back ok?


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I have a question for you all. I have forsaken my oath of celibacy for the sake of hotness.
> 
> There is a woman who works for a subcontracting company that does alot of work for me. Im 46 and she is 28. We flirt every time I have been to her office and today I sent her an e-mail asking her if she wanted to go out this weekend.
> 
> I had not even grabbed my mouse after typing when I got a reply "Yes!"
> 
> Am I too old for her? I was defensive captain of my high school football team the year she was born.
> 
> Please say "No, of course not! Go for it B!"
> 
> She is sooooooo freakin' hot.


Maybe I'm just a horny sex crazed 32 year old but I can't believe there is a question lol
NOTHING increases testosterone in a man like knowing a woman is in to you and you are into her and then if there is something magical that happens 0_o just woah...at the least you will have an experience to remember


----------



## coffee4me

My age math works like this. If the man is closer in age to my son than me. No way- I view him as a kid. Total turn off. 

But I think the age thing is totally different for men.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I have a question for you all. I have forsaken my oath of celibacy for the sake of hotness.
> 
> There is a woman who works for a subcontracting company that does alot of work for me. Im 46 and she is 28. We flirt every time I have been to her office and today I sent her an e-mail asking her if she wanted to go out this weekend.
> 
> I had not even grabbed my mouse after typing when I got a reply "Yes!"
> 
> Am I too old for her? I was defensive captain of my high school football team the year she was born.
> 
> Please say "No, of course not! Go for it B!"
> 
> She is sooooooo freakin' hot.


You are not too old for her. Go out with her and have an awesome time!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> You are not too old for her. Go out with her and have an awesome time!


I agree ... If anyone deserves some fun its you, bandit!


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I agree ... If anyone deserves some fun its you, bandit!


By the way, if she agreed to go out with you, she doesn't think you're too old for her. So, don't worry about it just now.


----------



## Another Planet

To many minds Bandit! You are thinking to much, let it flow


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I have a question for you all.


If you don't do this I will personally drive to wherever you are, get out of my car, swing a very large 2x4 at your head, hit you, get back in my car and drive home.


----------



## Disenchanted

Just beware the band of angry Moms here at TAM, they should be here in the thread at any second. They come out of the woodwork, it's weird.


----------



## Lon

I am 100% sure that Jelly would approve of the age gap.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> If you don't do this I will personally drive to wherever you are, get out of my car, swing a very large 2x4 at your head, hit you, get back in my car and drive home.


Thanks man! 

Thank you everyone. I feel better now. We are going out to this Paradise Valley restaurant this Saturday night. It's a club and restaurant owned by... get this.... a monestary of Catholic monks. 

The monks don't work there but I believe the monestery owns it. Anyways, you bring your own steaks and they provide you with a private patio, a grille, a table and all the side dishes and trimmings. You cook your own steak and get the rest from them. Ive heard its really cool and I want to do it before the weather gets too warm. 

This woman dresses to the nines, is 5'09", brunette, about 135 pounds, has a slim waist, nice child bearing hips, plump butt and great ... er...um...better stop.  ... sigh.... Oh and best of all, she has a smile that could knock out orbiting satellites. 

She even smells amazing.


----------



## Lon

And best of all, if it doesn't work out with her romantically she probably has lots of attractive young friends that want to find out what your special talents are. Don't be getting oneitis now!


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> We are going out to this Paradise Valley restaurant this Saturday night.


----------



## bandit.45

Are you trying to jynx me Dis?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Lon, since he is her husband, I don't think you should be opposed to having a cordial relationship with him. I know it is weird, but if I was in your position, I would just focus on the fact that my son has another person in his life that really cares about him and wants to spend time with him when he can.
> There is nothing wrong with a lot of people caring about your son
> 
> I just watched this today and while I think she is a little nutso, I do appreciate her view about the kids.
> 
> https://screen.yahoo.com/popular/friends-ex-202809872.html


Yeah I watched that video, and that kind of relationship with my ex is not something I ever have nor ever will strive for with her. I do not hate her, we know what each is good at, it is a practical working coparenting situation. I just have indifference for her and the truth is she is a user that can't really be reasoned with fairness because she will just take and the only civil protection I have from that is distance. I do see myself possibly having a closer more practical working parenting role with her new H than her in time, but I will delay that until I see what their approach will be after this new baby that is on the way into their lives is born.


----------



## vi_bride04

My evening consisted of wine, smores and a nice fire  loving this weather


----------



## RandomDude

My new date has now proceeded to give me a pet name already, "boytoy" 

Not amused -.-


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol the irony of that is pretty funny RD.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Lol the irony of that is pretty funny RD.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> My new date has now proceeded to give me a pet name already, "boytoy"
> 
> Not amused -.-


How would you feel if she called you a "spare" or "an option"? Sucks to be objectified to this extent, right? Now you know better.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> How would you feel if she called you a "spare" or "an option"? Sucks to be objectified to this extent, right? Now you know better.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I am 100% sure that Jelly would approve of the age gap.


Haha. You know me so well, Lon! 



bandit.45 said:


> Am I too old for her?
> 
> Oh and best of all, she has a smile that could knock out orbiting satellites.


:smthumbup: Go out with her! Who knows what this human experience is all about. Maybe you'll go out and think you are too old for her or vice versa. Maybe you'll have fun. Maybe she'll be your lover. Or wife. Or babymama. Or future stalker. The point is, you wont know until you go out. You already asked her out so it would be bad form to rescind your offer.

Go, have fun.

It's like with Grandpa when I was like, "It's not my fault I was born after you."  He thought I was even younger than my age when he guessed! (I thought he was younger, too). But when I saw him I was like, HELLOOOOO Daddio! Older and HOT as hell.


----------



## familyfirst09

moxy said:


> How would you feel if she called you a "spare" or "an option"? Sucks to be objectified to this extent, right? Now you know better.



Ha!!! So funny....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> How would you feel if she called you a "spare" or "an option"? Sucks to be objectified to this extent, right? Now you know better.


Tis different! I didn't exactly call them all walking TnA did I?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

RandomDude said:


> Tis different! I didn't exactly call them all walking TnA did I?


Well, kind of. Being a 'spare' really just indicates they are unimportant except for TnA.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> My new date has now proceeded to give me a pet name already, "boytoy"
> 
> Not amused -.-


So you can objectify women and use them the same way but when a women does it to you, you get offended? 

Talk about double standards. To be honest, this one sounds like a perfect match for you.


----------



## Dollystanford

Personally I like the sound of her


----------



## Jellybeans

Me, too!


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> So you can objectify women and use them the same way but when a women does it to you, you get offended?
> 
> Talk about double standards. To be honest, this one sounds like a perfect match for you.


Just to teach me a lesson? lol


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Just to teach me a lesson? lol


No. 

She just wants sex, you just want sex. Perfect match.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> She just wants sex, you just want sex. Perfect match.


Rd--you have been saying forever now that you just want someone for sex. So now you've got her and you seem...offended. Which is hilarious.

Be careful what you wish you? 

RD, this is what I was saying about how you say you want one thing, get it and then your narrative changes. All of a sudden it's wrong/bad and you are unsatisfied again. Wash, rinse, repeat.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> If I could have some more opinions please, I got a an idea for the site that I would like to try out when the membership is rather considerate.
> 
> I will be doing podcasts and during the show I want to pick a member randomly every week or two weeks and pull a "Love Connection" on them. We'll choose three members that we think would be a good match for her and she picks the one she wants to go out with (all three would give their approval a head of time). I will choose what they do on some of the date, like appetizers and a dance lesson at Arthur Murray...something like that and I will pay for it. The next podcast, I call them both up and they tell us about their date, good or bad
> 
> Clearly, I am trying to break the mold of your typical dating sites and I am trying to make it worth their monthly subscription.
> 
> What do you guys think?


I like the "love connection" idea.


----------



## Disenchanted

God it was a shock recently when I had installed restraints on the bed and she tricked me when I wasn't looking! Those things are freaking strong! 

Feels a lot different from the other side.


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> My new date has now proceeded to give me a pet name already, "boytoy"
> 
> Not amused -.-


HAHA!! Considering what you usually refer to them as...I say it is fitting.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Note to self..... do not get drunk and have sex on carpet. I do believe all the skin is removed from my knees. Holy crap.


----------



## Disenchanted

Hey! Happy f day singles!


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Note to self..... do not get drunk and have sex on carpet. I do believe all the skin is removed from my knees. Holy crap.


HAHAHHAHAHA... that happened to me with killer... he had rug burns on hes knees, me on my elbows... took a while to heal too


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Note to self..... do not get drunk and have sex on carpet. I do believe all the skin is removed from my knees. Holy crap.


That is HAWT.


----------



## unsure78

RD.... yea sweetheart... tables turned....doesn't feel so nice does it? Don't dish it out if you cant take it baby


and wtf is the problem? you only want sex and she wants a boy toy your problems are solved


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> That is HAWT.


My thoughts EXACTLY.


----------



## unsure78

Bandit if shes cool with the age whats the problem?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> HAHAHHAHAHA... that happened to me with killer... he had rug burns on hes knees, me on my elbows... took a while to heal too



Yes, I could hardly take a shower this morning because of the burning sensation covering my knees. Not saying it wasn't worth it, though. 

But, kind of bad....it's a non kid weekend. Going to have to suck it up. lol


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. You know me so well, Lon!
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup: Go out with her! Who knows what this human experience is all about. Maybe you'll go out and think you are too old for her or vice versa. Maybe you'll have fun. Maybe she'll be your lover. Or wife. Or babymama. Or *future stalker*. The point is, you wont know until you go out. You already asked her out so it would be bad form to rescind your offer.
> 
> Go, have fun.
> 
> It's like with Grandpa when I was like, "It's not my fault I was born after you."  He thought I was even younger than my age when he guessed! (I thought he was younger, too). But when I saw him I was like, HELLOOOOO Daddio! Older and HOT as hell.


Hmmmm. I've never been stalked! That could be an adventure.


----------



## Jellybeans

It's not as fun as it sounds. Lol.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Bandit if shes cool with the age whats the problem?


I don't think there is a problem. She just texted me asking me what color and type of dress I want her to wear. She says she wants to look really good for me. 

 Whoaa! Never been asked that! What does that mean? Does it mean anything?

I need to calm the fvck down.


----------



## lisab0105

Wha? 

Really?

I changed my mind...don't. go. there!


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I don't think there is a problem. She just texted me asking me what color and type of dress I want her to wear. She says she wants to look really good for me.
> 
> Whoaa! Never been asked that! What does that mean? Does it mean anything?
> 
> I need to calm the fvck down.


Woah my spidey senses tingling...got my arm hair to stand up just reading that...that's hot as hell to hear...oh it means something but I don't know :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I don't think there is a problem. She just texted me asking me what color and type of dress I want her to wear. She says she wants to look really good for me.
> 
> Whoaa! Never been asked that! What does that mean? Does it mean anything?
> 
> I need to calm the fvck down.


Ok her response is a BIT over the top. I mean did you tell her you were taking her somewhere fancy? It means she wants to know what you want her to wear and she sounds a bit eager. 

Asking down to the color is whack though. 

When Grandpa asked me out for our first date he told me to pick which restaurant of two downtown and I showed up looking really hawt. But I didn't ask him what to wear/what color because I wanted to surprise him. Sheesh. A woman should know.

But on a base level: her saying she wants to look good for you means -- you are probably going to get it.  Which was you said the entire point of you asking her out--cause you want some SEXXXXXX. Sounds like this one's in the bag. :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I don't think there is a problem. She just texted me asking me what color and type of dress I want her to wear. She says she wants to look really good for me.
> 
> Whoaa! Never been asked that! What does that mean? Does it mean anything?
> 
> I need to calm the fvck down.


whoa! Houston, we got a problem here......


----------



## Jellybeans

Aren't you, in fact, in Houston, Ne? Cause that would make the comment so funny!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Aren't you, in fact, in Houston, Ne? Cause that would make the comment so funny!


No that's Nsweet is in Texas, Ne is in Cali somewhere right?


----------



## Dollystanford

yeah that's weird
did she ask you to pick out her knickers and jewellery too?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Ok her response is a BIT over the top. I mean did you tell her you were taking her somewhere fancy? It means she wants to know what you want her to wear and she sounds a bit eager.
> 
> Asking down to the color is whack though.
> 
> When Grandpa asked me out for our first date he told me to pick which restaurant of two downtown and I showed up looking really hawt. But I didn't ask him what to wear/what color because I wanted to surprise him. Sheesh. A woman should know.
> 
> (sidenote: I showed up with my hair blown out in this: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=45432115)
> 
> But on a base level: her saying she wants to look good for you means -- you are probably going to get it.  Which was you said the entire point of you asking her out--cause you want some SEXXXXXX. Sounds like this one's in the bag. :smthumbup:


Holy hot Jelly 0_0 !!!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> But on a base level: her saying she wants to look good for you means -- you are probably going to get it.  Which was you said the entire point of you asking her out--cause you want some SEXXXXXX. Sounds like this one's in the bag. :smthumbup:


Yes. Bandit, you are getting laid. However, get it in your head right now that you are a beast. Own it, use it, throw it around........don't work out today (in my world) because you are going to work out in other ways. Don't stop until you both are dripping with sweat.

There, I said my piece.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Aren't you, in fact, in Houston, Ne? Cause that would make the comment so funny!


lol
No, I am a Cali girl now, living by the beach, not shaving at all, just becoming a peace loving, sex addict, free spirit~


BTW: Bandit, not every relationship is meant to last, Just have fun with it!! Enjoy it!


----------



## Jellybeans

:smthumbup: Yesssssssssssssss to everything Dedicated said!!



ne9907 said:


> lol
> No, I am a Cali girl now, living by the beach, not shaving at all, just becoming a peace loving, sex addict, free spirit~


Hahaha. Awesome!


----------



## bandit.45

Ha ha. She just texted back and said I would have to wait to see what she is wearing, but she is sure I will like it. 

I haven't told her where we are going. I want to make it a habit of taking the lead on dates regardless of who I go out with. I don't want to be a wishy washy guy who makes the gal make the decisions. 

I texted her that I will like anything she wears and not to worry... we will have fun. 

I think this will be a good date. Haven't enjoyed sitting down with a woman and just talking and flirting for almost a year now.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yaaaay!


----------



## lisab0105

I don't know Bandit...I don't think sex is worth the very probable issues I think you are going to have with her.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> Yes. Bandit, you are getting laid. However, get it in your head right now that you are a beast. Own it, use it, throw it around........don't work out today (in my world) because you are going to work out in other ways. Don't stop until you both are dripping with sweat.
> 
> There, I said my piece.


That is what I want!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Dedicated2Her said:


> Yes. Bandit, you are getting laid. However, get it in your head right now that you are a beast. Own it, use it, throw it around........don't work out today (in my world) because you are going to work out in other ways. Don't stop until you both are dripping with sweat.
> 
> There, I said my piece.


Beast I can do.  I am indeed horny as hell, and I have some plans formulating if it goes that direction. 

I've been eating only veggies for the last two weeks, but tonight I'm going to make spaghetti and carbo load. 

Should I take her back to my condo or should I have a room reserved at the Camelback Inn? (5 star resort)


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Beast I can do.  I am indeed horny as hell, and I have some plans formulating if it goes that direction.
> 
> I've been eating only veggies for the last two weeks, but tonight I'm going to make spaghetti and carbo load.
> 
> Should I take her back to my condo or should I have a room reserved at the Camelback Inn? (5 star resort)


I would say stop obsessing! Go with the flow, do not make reservations for a room you may not use.
Besides, I would feel cheap if you take me back to a hotel room, regardless of how expensive it is...


----------



## Jellybeans

Damn. There is a resort involved and everything? LOL. That is too much for the first date.

Don't get too ahead of yourself, bandit. Just go, enjoy the time and have fun!


----------



## bandit.45

lisab0105 said:


> I don't know Bandit...I don't think sex is worth the very probable issues I think you are going to have with her.


Thanks Lisa. Don't worry, I will be careful. Believe me I've been down that road before. If I see any warning signs that she might be batty I'll take her home, give her a peck on the cheek and segue pronto.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> Beast I can do.  I am indeed horny as hell, and I have some plans formulating if it goes that direction.
> 
> I've been eating only veggies for the last two weeks, but tonight I'm going to make spaghetti and carbo load.
> 
> Should I take her back to my condo or should I have a room reserved at the Camelback Inn? (5 star resort)


Let it flow. Your ultimate goal.......go to her place. Not your's. SO, if she is bat sh!t crazy, she hasn't been to your place.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Damn. Tehre is a resort involved and everything? LOL.
> 
> Don't get too ahead of yourself, bandit. Just go, enjoy the time and have fun!


I have a corporate account there. I can get off-season pricing all year so it would not be a huge expense. Normally those rooms are $300 a night during season, about $100 off season. 

Its a killer resort....oldest one in the Phoenix area still operating. Romantic as hell and they have a great dessert bar.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> I have a corporate account there. I can get off-season pricing all year so it would not be a huge expense. Normally those rooms are $300 a night during season, about $100 off season.
> 
> Its a killer resort....oldest one in the Phoenix area still operating. Romantic as hell and they have a great dessert bar.


1st date, bro. 1st date.


----------



## bandit.45

The resort is also just a mile or so down the street from the restaurant, so we won't have far to go if she is wanting my body. 

But I do like the idea of going to her place too.


----------



## bandit.45

Dedicated2Her said:


> 1st date, bro. 1st date.


True. I don't want to make a habit of it huh. 

Naw, you guys are right. I'll keep it simple.


----------



## lisab0105

CI is super nice...been there a few times myself for work functions. 

PHX was added to my relocation list with CO and Idaho. I grew up there and wouldn't mind going back again.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> True. I don't want to make a habit of it huh.
> 
> Naw, you guys are right. I'll keep it simple.


your behavior is too cute, it am sort of smiling! It is refreshing to see that men obsess over a simple date as much as WE do


----------



## EnjoliWoman

lisab0105 said:


> I don't know Bandit...I don't think sex is worth the very probable issues I think you are going to have with her.


Well, it might be worth it. But my first thought (and maybe this is too much TAM) was "Wow, that's codependent and over-eager-to-please... she sould wear what makes HER feel good and that will translate to her feeling confident and sexy which would be more of a turn-on to him."

It's one thing to want to look good or to ask what his favorite color is and play to that, or make sure of the venue so she knows what is appropriate. But her question seems to swing the indicator just a tiny bit to clingy. Let's hope she's not a stage 5 crazy clinger.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

The reason I say try to go to her place is:

I have a friend that would take them back to his house. Well, then one nutso shows up at his front door unannounced. She drives past his home still looking to see if other cars are there. I got a new vehicle, and she texted him asking if my car was a girls. 

You don't want any of that. However, if you have to, bring her back. He says the sex was good enough that he's ok dealing with the shenanigans. lol


----------



## unsure78

no hotel on a first date...booo

and its just a first date...

I have actually had guys ask me, Do you want me to shave or be scruffy? I want to impress you so tell me what you like me to look like on a first date....lol needless to say that level of attempting to please in not attractive

and D2H is right.. dont go back to your place so to hers


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, it might be worth it. But my first thought (and maybe this is too much TAM) was "Wow, that's codependent and over-eager-to-please... she sould wear what makes HER feel good and that will translate to her feeling confident and sexy which would be more of a turn-on to him."
> 
> It's one thing to want to look good or to ask what his favorite color is and play to that, or make sure of the venue so she knows what is appropriate. But her question seems to swing the indicator just a tiny bit to clingy. Let's hope she's not a stage 5 crazy clinger.


Thanks EW. 

I just don't get that vibe from her. She just sounds like a gal who likes to have fun and knows what she wants. She and I have been talking for a long while now. If I suspected there was somthing wrong about her my gut would have told me. I'm just not feeling any danger.

But I've been wrong before!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I have actually had guys ask me, Do you want me to shave or be scruffy? I want to impress you so tell me what you like me to look like on a first date....


Where the hell do you find these ppl?


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> no hotel on a first date...booo
> 
> and its just a first date...
> 
> I have actually had guys ask me, Do you want me to shave or be scruffy? I want to impress you so tell me what you like me to look like on a first date....lol needless to say that level of attempting to please in not attractive
> 
> and D2H is right.. dont go back to your place so to hers


Gotcha. Good advice. Thanks Unsure.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> Where the hell do you find these ppl?


lets say he didn't get past a first date.... one of my many uhhhh No......


see from a woman's perspective for me going on a first date is much less risky than for a man....and i know this wont be popular here but its the truth or at least my truth.... i dont pay for a first date, so what my risk? other than losing 1-3 hrs of my time...

so im more willing to give a guy a first date opportunity, as long as they meet a minimum criteria, (which i have my "list") and aren't like creeping me out ....


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Well I hope you have fun! Be sure to take condoms just in case!! But I agree no hotel.


----------



## Lon

Or just tell her to wear pink.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> lets say he didn't get past a first date.... one of my many uhhhh No......
> 
> 
> see from a woman's perspective for me going on a first date is much less risky than for a man....and i know this wont be popular here but its the truth or at least my truth.... i dont pay for a first date, so what my risk? other than losing 1-3 hrs of my time...
> 
> so im more willing to give a guy a first date opportunity, as long as they meet a minimum criteria, (which i have my "list") and aren't like creeping me out ....


See, that's my my first dates are very "social". If I don't like you, I'm not wasting much. AND, if I really think you are weird, I'm going to hang with you for a little bit in order to get funny stories to tell my friends. I have some awesome stories. I ask some pretty hilarious things once I realize I'm not moving forward.


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> See, that's my my first dates are very "social". If I don't like you, I'm not wasting much. AND, if I really think you are weird, I'm going to hang with you for a little bit in order to get funny stories to tell my friends. I have some awesome stories. I ask some pretty hilarious things once I realize I'm not moving forward.


Once you don't give a **** about impressing anymore lol


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> See, that's my my first dates are very "social". If I don't like you, I'm not wasting much. AND, if I really think you are weird, I'm going to hang with you for a little bit in order to get funny stories to tell my friends. I have some awesome stories. I ask some pretty hilarious things once I realize I'm not moving forward.


OMG me too... my dating stories are totally popular at work  And I ask the craziest things too....I have so much fun with it

It comedy gold....


----------



## COGypsy

I don't think this is as big a deal as it's getting wound up to be. If you've already been flirting at work for ages, then there's a whole different rapport built than with someone you've talked to once or twice. I do think that telling your date where you're going is a good thing though, if only to be able to dress appropriately. Even with steakhouses, it's very different to go to one downtown vs one out in the 'burbs as far as outfits go. And yes, bag the hotel. Assuming that you're getting laid on the first date is exceedingly NOT sexy. Even if everyone knows that's going to happen, assuming it is a d!ck move.


----------



## ne9907

Dedicated2Her said:


> See, that's my my first dates are very "social". If I don't like you, I'm not wasting much. AND, if I really think you are weird, I'm going to hang with you for a little bit in order to get funny stories to tell my friends. I have some awesome stories. I ask some pretty hilarious things once I realize I'm not moving forward.


I like to make memories... like about his smile, but I am a hopeless romantic...

EDIT: yeah, i had a date last week that I knew wasnt going anywhere, So i just drank a beer and went with it.... he was sooo aggressive!


----------



## unsure78

LOL one of my favorite questions on a first date is... have you ever killed anyone? love it the answers I get... and these are professional people, you would be surprised


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> LOL one of my favorite questions on a first date is... have you ever killed anyone? love it the answers I get... and these are professional people, you would be surprised


That's funny. Even though its a joke their answers give you a good look into their heads.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> LOL one of my favorite questions on a first date is... have you ever killed anyone? love it the answers I get... and these are professional people, you would be surprised


I also go semi that route: "Have you ever thought about killing yourself?"

And, yes, I had a few answer very seriously. LOL


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I also go semi that route: "Have you ever thought about killing yourself?"


lol D2h we seem to date in a very similar style....

I think im going to steal that, thats pretty good


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> I don't think this is as big a deal as it's getting wound up to be. If you've already been flirting at work for ages, then there's a whole different rapport built than with someone you've talked to once or twice. I do think that telling your date where you're going is a good thing though, if only to be able to dress appropriately. Even with steakhouses, it's very different to go to one downtown vs one out in the 'burbs as far as outfits go. And yes, bag the hotel. Assuming that you're getting laid on the first date is exceedingly NOT sexy. Even if everyone knows that's going to happen, assuming it is a d!ck move.


This is exactly it. I've known her for a while and I see her every two weeks or so when I drop paperwork off at her office. We have been chatting, talking and flirting with each other for probably the past four months. So the comfort factor is already there.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> lol D2h we seem to date in a very similar style....
> 
> I think im going to steal that, thats pretty good


I went out with a girl. She was literally, phsically perfect. A 10 in anyone's book. She worked out hard, ate well, seemed like a nice girl. So, I busted that question out. I watched her sit back, take a deep breath, and tell me a 20 minute story about her wanting to drown herself in the ocean when she was married, all while she was tearing up.

How I managed to place her in the friendzone and excommunicate her out of my life was pure art because she really liked me. But, her story is a legendary story when I'm drinking with the guys.


----------



## unsure78

oh so I will give you guys an update on my dating life since I haven't in a while...

so right i dont know if the future mr. unsure and i are still together.... he broke two dates with me in the last week, which he set up btw, and has become extremely distant, almost no communication....

so NORMALLY i would be im done, clearly hes just not into me... however he has a had very close family member loss in the last few weeks... things with that are being wrapped up with that this weekend.... he has already apologized multiple times and indicated he still wants to be with me, just a very difficult time for him...

so im giving him basically a week to get his [email protected] together or im out... ( unless hes ghosting me) I want to be understanding but relationships, especially new ones cant be built of of nothing... 

so thats my update, im a little sad if it ends cause i like him a lot but then ill get back to one million first dates..lol...


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I watched her sit back, take a deep breath, and tell me a 20 minute story about her wanting to drown herself in the ocean when she was married, all while she was tearing up.


Dear God. 



unsure78 said:


> so right i dont know if the future mr. unsure and i are still together.... he broke two dates with me in the last week, which he set up btw, and has become extremely distant, almost no communication....


Giving you a big hug. Don't chase him too hard. If he comes around, great. If he doesn't, then like you said, a million other first dates to be had. You are a hot m momma and never forget it.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I went out with a girl. She was literally, phsically perfect. A 10 in anyone's book. She worked out hard, ate well, seemed like a nice girl. So, I busted that question out. I watched her sit back, take a deep breath, and tell me a 20 minute story about her wanting to drown herself in the ocean when she was married, all while she was tearing up.
> 
> How I managed to place her in the friendzone and excommunicate her out of my life was pure art because she really liked me. But, her story is a legendary story when I'm drinking with the guys.


LOL WOW just WOW...

Lets see I had they guy who lost his job with he police when he on duty snapped a guys neck and he died in a choke hold.... that one was prob the best answer yet..


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> however he has a had very close family member loss in the last few weeks... things with that are being wrapped up with that this weekend.... he has already apologized multiple times and indicated he still wants to be with me, just a very difficult time for him...


how close?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Dedicated2Her said:
> 
> 
> 
> I watched her sit back, take a deep breath, and tell me a 20 minute story about her wanting to drown herself in the ocean when she was married, all while she was tearing up./QUOTE]
> 
> Dear God.
> 
> 
> 
> Giving you a big hug. Don't chase him too hard. If he comes around, great. If he doesn't, then like you said, a million other first dates to be had. You are a hot m momma and never forget it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks Jelly... you know what though im really doing ok with it... normally i would be a lot more anxiety about all of it... but im pretty cool ( only a little sad).... I think all the work Ive done on myself to get to a better place with dating/relationships is really helping.... I will be ok with him or without him...
Click to expand...


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Thanks Jelly... you know what though im really doing ok with it... normally i would be a lot more anxiety about all of it... but im pretty cool


That's because you're the best. :smthumbup:

Plus, you always have me. To tell you to stay on track if you ever get off.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Jellybeans said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks Jelly... you know what though im really doing ok with it... normally i would be a lot more anxiety about all of it... but im pretty cool ( only a little sad).... I think all the work Ive done on myself to get to a better place with dating/relationships is really helping.... I will be ok with him or without him...
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> blue eyes is texting me from the airport, just chit chatting because his plane is delayed.
> I realized this morning, i am making a big deal out of the entire event. But I aint tripping about anything anymore.
> 
> Next week, I am going horse back riding on the beach!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> lol D2h we seem to date in a very similar style....
> 
> I think im going to steal that, thats pretty good


Mood killer for sure.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Mood killer for sure.


but if you already know the date is not going anywhere why not have fun...


and yes guys i have asked the killed anyone question have absolutely asked me out on a second date


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> but if you already know the date is not going anywhere why not have fun...


I'm sure the chick was having great time after that!


----------



## lisab0105

I have had someone ask me the _Have I killed anyone before _question on a date...a long time ago. I said in the best Martin Blank voice that I could "Well, yeah. Kinda goes with the the job." 

"What job?" 

"Professional killer." 

It took him a beat or two...but he got it. I have a really good poker face


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> I have had someone ask me the _Have I killed anyone before _question on a date...a long time ago. I said in the best Martin Blank voice that I could "Well, yeah. Kinda goes with the the job."
> 
> "What job?"
> 
> "Professional killer."
> 
> It took him a beat or two...but he got it. I have a really good poker face


If anyone ever asks me if I tried to kill myself I'd tell them yes and I succeeded.


----------



## lisab0105

Speaking of....

Love :corkysm60:


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I'm sure the chick was having great time after that!


I didnt say they have a good time... but I do based off their answers


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I didnt say they have a good time... but I do based off their answers


I know but I am still naive enough to live by the golden rule.


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> Speaking of....
> 
> Love :corkysm60:


OMG!!

I love that movie~~~~~~~~


----------



## vi_bride04

It's Friday and gorgeous! And its going to be even better tomorrow!!!

Heading to Detroit for some birthday shenanigans. Got a room booked at a casino for the evening, about 10 people heading out. Dinner, drinks, dancing. I think I'm going to head down early and enjoy Belle Isle. 

And it looks like cooking dinner and watching movies next Sat with disc golf


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I don't think there is a problem. She just texted me asking me what color and type of dress I want her to wear. She says she wants to look really good for me.
> 
> Whoaa! Never been asked that! What does that mean? Does it mean anything?
> 
> I need to calm the fvck down.


I nearly texted GI Joe the other day to ask which color of sleazy lingerie he'd prefer, mainly because I was feeling open minded to the idea of giving pleasure and wanting appreciation (neither of us wears much when we hang out, so this isn't out of the ordinary). Based on my own thought patterns, I'd guess that your date wants to be adored and complimented a little, that she is looking forward to the date, that she wants you to like her, and that she's trying to get a sense of your expectations for the evening. For instance, if you said that you wanted her to wear something casual and comfy, she'd imagine a relaxed date, but if you suggested something elegant or dramatic, she might imagine romance. This is purely conjecture based on my thought patterns and those are (lately) not so delicate; so, take them with a grain of salt.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Beast I can do.  I am indeed horny as hell, and I have some plans formulating if it goes that direction.
> 
> I've been eating only veggies for the last two weeks, but tonight I'm going to make spaghetti and carbo load.
> 
> Should I take her back to my condo or should I have a room reserved at the Camelback Inn? (5 star resort)


Condo. A room on a first date would be more likely to make her feel cheap and ****ty. Even when we are choosing to be ****ty, we don't want it to be expected.


----------



## moxy

Dedicated2Her said:


> I also go semi that route: "Have you ever thought about killing yourself?"
> 
> And, yes, I had a few answer very seriously. LOL


!!! I'd never think of asking something so intimate on a first date!


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> I know but I am still naive enough to live by the golden rule.


Me, too. Unless there's a very good reason to be otherwise, I try to remain polite, hospitable, and civil.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> !!! I'd never think of asking something so intimate on a first date!


You might be surprised moxy... some people enjoy being asked intimate questions.... most people like to talk about themselves and they take it as your interested in them... if you can get people to feel comfortable around you as though they can tell you ANYTHING, asking a question like that isn't out of bounds...

(note i cant do this with women, but men I can)


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> texted GI Joe .




Why the nickname GI Joe?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

moxy said:


> !!! I'd never think of asking something so intimate on a first date!


Moxy. There is a method to the madness. My time is very valuable to me. I need to find out if you are crazy quickly, and there are lots of things to say and ask to check for this. Asking a question like this and watching their response, tells a whole lot about someone.


----------



## bandit.45

I bought a new shirt and new pants last night for the date. I had the truck detailed...

I haven't gone out with her yet and I've already unloaded $200. :rofl:







But I'm not manscaping. :nono: If she wants, she gets to explore the forest on my chest at her liesure.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Why the nickname GI Joe?


He's in the military.


----------



## moxy

Dedicated2Her said:


> Moxy. There is a method to the madness. My time is very valuable to me. I need to find out if you are crazy quickly, and there are lots of things to say and ask to check for this. Asking a question like this and watching their response, tells a whole lot about someone.


I've never considered it in this way. Of course, I have not been single in many years. Perhaps it is something that I should think about.


----------



## familyfirst09

I am not sure why making someone cry by reliving what sounds to be a painful experience funny?? That sounds pretty cruel to me especially if you then ghost them afterwards.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> I bought a new shirt and new pants last night for the date. I had the truck detailed...
> 
> I haven't gone out with her yet and I've already unloaded $200. :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But I'm not manscaping. :nono: If she wants, she gets to explore the forest on my chest at her liesure.



oh banditio lol


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I bought a new shirt and new pants last night for the date. I had the truck detailed...
> 
> I haven't gone out with her yet and I've already unloaded $200. :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But I'm not manscaping. :nono: If she wants, she gets to explore the forest on my chest at her liesure.


Lol @ the term "manscaping".

You can use the new outfit again sometime, of course, and detailing is always a good thing; so, it's awesome that you were able to squeeze in some well-deserved self-indulgence in the name of dating.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I bought a new shirt and new pants last night for the date. I had the truck detailed...



:rofl:



bandit.45 said:


> But I'm not manscaping. :nono: If she wants, she gets to explore the forest on my chest at her liesure.


Thank God. I hate all this manscaping business!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

familyfirst09 said:


> I am not sure why making someone cry by reliving what sounds to be a painful experience funny?? That sounds pretty cruel to me especially if you then ghost them afterwards.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Making someone? Really? So, you think it is absolutely reasonable on a first date to seriously answer this question to someone you have spoken to maybe twice? All they have to do is laugh. Because, it is funny. And, if they answer that truthfully on a first date with some sort of crazy answer.......yeah, they have massive emotional issues and boundry problems. So......bye, bye. 

And, for the record, I typically ask this after I start to figure out they are crazy, and I just want to see how crazy they are. AND, I haven't "ghosted" anyone since I was 19.

However, my circle of guy friends are divorced, therefore, we have all sorts of crazy stories we tell around beers. And, yes, they are funny.


----------



## bravenewworld

Back from vacation - had a superb time! Was freaking out over my anniversary date then realized it had already passed. Yes - I FORGOT when the hell I got married. I'll take that as a good sign actually.

Also reconnected with a guy I was dating a while back. We stopped seeing each other, because frankly, I think we were getting on each others nerves. It happens.

I hadn't thought of him in months, then one day I couldn't stop thinking about him. He texted me the next morning saying he was thinking of me….kind of weird, no?


----------



## ne9907

I dont have any crazy stories, but I have been messaging some guy for like a month.
It moved to texting and he asked me what I prefered, beard no beard, long or short hair, because he was thinking of changing his look.
I told him to do what he was comfortable with, because he is the one living with himself not me, but i also said that it was I preferred a clean face, short hair.

Well, he went ahead and shaved, cut his hair etc..... not as appealing anymore. 

That is my craziest story so far. I rarely attract crazies, maybe I am emotionally healthy!!!!!!!! haha


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> I bought a new shirt and new pants last night for the date. I had the truck detailed...
> 
> I haven't gone out with her yet and I've already unloaded $200. :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But I'm not manscaping. :nono: If she wants, she gets to explore the forest on my chest at her liesure.


Always something fun about buying a new date outfit. I like getting my hair professionally done too. 

I like hair on men! Well, as long as they have more than one eyebrow.


----------



## familyfirst09

Dedicated2Her said:


> Making someone? Really? So, you think it is absolutely reasonable on a first date to seriously answer this question to someone you have spoken to maybe twice? All they have to do is laugh. Because, it is funny. And, if they answer that truthfully on a first date with some sort of crazy answer.......yeah, they have massive emotional issues and boundry problems. So......bye, bye.
> 
> And, for the record, I typically ask this after I start to figure out they are crazy, and I just want to see how crazy they are. AND, I haven't "ghosted" anyone since I was 19.
> 
> However, my circle of guy friends are divorced, therefore, we have all sorts of crazy stories we tell around beers. And, yes, they are funny.



I would not think it would be appropriate to ask or answer it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Making someone? Really? So, you think it is absolutely reasonable on a first date to seriously answer this question to someone you have spoken to maybe twice? All they have to do is laugh. Because, it is funny. And, if they answer that truthfully on a first date with some sort of crazy answer.......yeah, they have massive emotional issues and boundry problems. So......bye, bye.
> 
> And, for the record, I typically ask this after I start to figure out they are crazy, and I just want to see how crazy they are. AND, I haven't "ghosted" anyone since I was 19.
> 
> However, my circle of guy friends are divorced, therefore, we have all sorts of crazy stories we tell around beers. And, yes, they are funny.


As a guy I personally don't think it's funny to ask a woman that has taken a chance to meet you on a date if she had ever been suicidal and then find it hilarious when she gives you an honest and painful answer.

The problem is not that she opened up to someone she barely knows, it's that you were a disrespectful jerk that didn't deserve to be in her company.


----------



## Lon

Nor would I find humor in you retelling the event.


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> As a guy I personally don't think it's funny to ask a woman that has taken a chance to meet you on a date if she had ever been suicidal and then find it hilarious when she gives you an honest and painful answer.
> 
> The problem is not that she opened up to someone she barely knows, it's that you were a disrespectful jerk that didn't deserve to be in her company.


Thank you...especially if you have already determined she's crazy and not for you..anything you do ask or say after that is for your own personal and selfish amusement for you and your drinking buddies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Lon said:


> As a guy I personally don't think it's funny to ask a woman that has taken a chance to meet you on a date if she had ever been suicidal and then find it hilarious when she gives you an honest and painful answer.
> 
> The problem is not that she opened up to someone she barely knows, it's that you were a disrespectful jerk that didn't deserve to be in her company.


I gotta agree. Just seems odd and not very kind. Just because something is funny in a movie like "The Hangover" doesn't apply to real life. 

Not sure I understand the purpose of asking a question like that. If someone asked me that on a date I'd be like, "Uh, check please!"


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Back from vacation - had a superb time! Was freaking out over my anniversary date then realized it had already passed. Yes - I FORGOT when the hell I got married. I'll take that as a good sign actually.
> 
> Also reconnected with a guy I was dating a while back. We stopped seeing each other, because frankly, I think we were getting on each others nerves. It happens.
> 
> I hadn't thought of him in months, then one day I couldn't stop thinking about him. He texted me the next morning saying he was thinking of me….kind of weird, no?


Serendipity!!! Or am i using the term wrong?

That is so freaking cool!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Was freaking out over my anniversary date then realized it had already passed. *Yes - I FORGOT when the hell I got married.* I'll take that as a good sign actually.


Oh I love this so much! :rofl: :smthumbup:



bravenewworld said:


> I hadn't thought of him in months, then one day I couldn't stop thinking about him. He texted me the next morning saying he was thinking of me….kind of weird, no?


Sometimes timing is just weird like that. I say call him!  

Welcome back, Brave. Hope vacation was fun!


----------



## COGypsy

To me, if it's presented in a lighthearted manner it would be a pretty funny play on all the tedious "getting to know you" interview questions on a first date. I would probably glance sideways at my steak knife and say "no, not since the appetizer arrived!"

I would be more suspicious of someone willing to open up to the point of tears with a near-stranger than I would be of someone asking a flip question.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Serendipity!!! Or am i using the term wrong?
> 
> That is so freaking cool!!!!!


Serendipity for sure! I wonder if that means when you are thinking of someone - they can feel it? I'd like to think he was thinking of me first. 

He took me on a very nice date (sports event, dinner, massage) then we went back to his place and ripped each other's clothes off. So that was how I spent my old anniversary. Perfect! 

Single life is good.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Serendipity for sure! I wonder if that means when you are thinking of someone - they can feel it? I'd like to think he was thinking of me first.


It has happened to me before and it's AWESOME!

Ripping off clothes is also awesome.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> *Serendipity for sure! I wonder if that means when you are thinking of someone - they can feel it? I'd like to think he was thinking of me first. *
> 
> He took me on a very nice date (sports event, dinner, massage) then we went back to his place and ripped each other's clothes off. So that was how I spent my old anniversary. Perfect!
> 
> Single life is good.


I wish it was like that! 
I have thought about one single person for a while, the one old flame I scared away!

I think about him pretty often.... if what is in bolded were true, he would be knocking at my door!! haha.

Sounds like an amazing way to spend an anniversary~ So glad you enjoyed it


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I love this so much! :rofl: :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Sometimes timing is just weird like that. I say call him!
> 
> Welcome back, Brave. Hope vacation was fun!


Thanks JB! Having fun catching up on the TAM single adventures. Vacation was awesome and just what I needed! Ate like a pig and drank like a fish but walked 4 hours or so a day so I only gained half a pound. :smthumbup:

I've actually called him and we've gotten together once. He even brought presents to the date. Must say - I love being spoiled! Take notes men, hehe.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> To me, if it's presented in a lighthearted manner it would be a pretty funny play on all the tedious "getting to know you" interview questions on a first date. I would probably glance sideways at my steak knife and say "no, not since the appetizer arrived!"
> 
> I would be more suspicious of someone willing to open up to the point of tears with a near-stranger than I would be of someone asking a flip question.


To someone that hasn't experienced such events personally, those questions may be pretty lighthearted. But if you don't have a shred of empathy for one that may have, then don't ask questions you don't want an affirmative answer to. Finding humor in someone else's pain means that you don't have the emotional strength to deal with the issue yourself, so why open a can of worms you are not capable of handling. That is a destructive way of going through life.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> As a guy I personally don't think it's funny to ask a woman that has taken a chance to meet you on a date if she had ever been suicidal and then find it hilarious when she gives you an honest and painful answer.
> 
> The problem is not that she opened up to someone she barely knows, it's that you were a disrespectful jerk that didn't deserve to be in her company.



Well, you aren't there to hear the tone of the question nor the lead up so.....................it's a stretch to call it disrespectful.

Life isn't that serious, and people who take is that seriously typically have higher stress levels.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> To someone that hasn't experienced such events personally, those questions may be pretty lighthearted. But if you don't have a shred of empathy for one that may have, then don't ask questions you don't want an affirmative answer to. Finding humor in someone else's pain means that you don't have the emotional strength to deal with the issue yourself, so why open a can of worms you are not capable of handling. That is a destructive way of going through life.


I'm perfectly capable of handling it. I handled it. She started seeing my therapist that I suggested. (not sure if she still does) And, yes, if someone answers that question in that way to a stranger..... I'm not involving myself with you. 

AND, yes, I will absolutely tell my friends about it over beers because IT IS CRAZY.

Also turned out she was living with someone........LOL


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Life isn't that serious, and people who take is that seriously typically have higher stress levels.


Maybe it's not that serious to you, but it is obviously serious enough to someone who wanted to take their own life.

And you recommended a therapist for her which she followed up with and you still poke fun at her about it with your buddies? No wonder people carry stress and pain.


----------



## familyfirst09

But why put her thru that if you already know you're not interested?? Is your self esteem that low that you have to drum up stories to tell your friends? I'm sorry but it's cruel and selfish. And yes I do realize the way you ask the question can lend to whether you are joking with her or not but you aren't explaining that here. Its a big joke to you and your friends that a woman actually thought about suicide while she was married. Do you know how many women, and men, on this site have thought that way while going thru an abusive marriage or divorce? Its offensive to make fun of it and laugh about it afterwards with your buddies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Lon said:


> To someone that hasn't experienced such events personally, those questions may be pretty lighthearted. But if you don't have a shred of empathy for one that may have, then don't ask questions you don't want an affirmative answer to. Finding humor in someone else's pain means that you don't have the emotional strength to deal with the issue yourself, so why open a can of worms you are not capable of handling. That is a destructive way of going through life.


Honestly, if the person I'm on a date with (not dat-_ing_, on a date with) sees me as some sort of receptacle for their deepest emotions, then I'd rather clear that whole expectation out right away. If someone sees casual conversation as an opportunity for therapy or every question as an intent to harm, I want to know that too. Preferably before we order an entree and are stuck for another hour.

If it was an intimate conversation with someone I've known for years and have some kind of history with, that's a whole different ballgame. But I can't even fathom that being an serious question from a stranger. Asking it or answering it.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Honestly, if the person I'm on a date with (not dat-_ing_, on a date with) sees me as some sort of receptacle for their deepest emotions, then I'd rather clear that whole expectation out right away. If someone sees casual conversation as an opportunity for therapy or every question as an intent to harm, I want to know that too. Preferably before we order an entree and are stuck for another hour.
> 
> If it was an intimate conversation with someone I've known for years and have some kind of history with, that's a whole different ballgame. But I can't even fathom that being an serious question from a stranger. Asking it or answering it.


I'm not suggesting you should sit there and take it, but atleast have the common decency to acknowledge it is painful for them then move along gracefully. Poking fun at it afterwards is a d!ck move.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

familyfirst09 said:


> But why put her thru that if you already know you're not interested?? *Is your self esteem that low that you have to drum up stories to tell your friends? *I'm sorry but it's cruel and selfish. And yes I do realize the way you ask the question can lend to whether you are joking with her or not but you aren't explaining that here. Its a big joke to you and your friends that a woman actually thought about suicide while she was married. Do you know how many women, and men, on this site have thought that way while going thru an abusive marriage or divorce? Its offensive to make fun of it and laugh about it afterwards with your buddies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ummm. Drum up stories? When you are fresh from a divorce and with divorced guys....you have similar stories. It's called sharing. I know, novel concept.

My self esteem? LOL. That's hilarious. I think I'm remembering why I stopped posting here.


----------



## familyfirst09

Dedicated2Her said:


> Ummm. Drum up stories? When you are fresh from a divorce and with divorced guys....you have similar stories. It's called sharing. I know, novel concept.
> 
> My self esteem? LOL. That's hilarious. I think I'm remembering why I stopped posting here.



Sorry but guys I know like that just try to "one up" each other. Like lon said to joke around about someone's pain after the fact is a d*ck move and not something I would brag about personally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Lon said:


> I'm not suggesting you should sit there and take it, but atleast have the common decency to acknowledge it is painful for them then move along gracefully. Poking fun at it afterwards is a d!ck move.


I wasn't poking fun at it when I first told it to two buddies. It was more like, "Listen to this crazy sh!t." And, now, well as new people come around I am begged to recant the story. Her name, picture, and identity is never revealed. So disrespectful.........a tragic thing I tell you.

Let's not forget the chick was trying to cheat with her live in boyfriend.


----------



## familyfirst09

Cmon now, when you first told the story you did not mention the boyfriend. Why even ask the question?? You knew you weren't interested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

familyfirst09 said:


> Sorry but *guys I know like that just try to "one up" each other.* Like lon said to joke around about someone's pain after the fact is a d*ck move and not something I would brag about personally.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



AND, you don't know me, so.........


----------



## Dedicated2Her

familyfirst09 said:


> Cmon now, when you first told the story you did not mention the boyfriend. Why even ask the question?? You knew you weren't interested.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BECAUSE it had gotten so ridiculous! I seriously thought she was just acting and telling me bs until the CRYING started!


----------



## bravenewworld

Dedicated2Her said:


> I wasn't poking fun at it when I first told it to two buddies. It was more like, "Listen to this crazy sh!t." And, now, well as new people come around I am begged to recant the story. Her name, picture, and identity is never revealed. So disrespectful.........a tragic thing I tell you.
> 
> Let's not forget the chick was trying to cheat with her live in boyfriend.


I mean what if you said - "hey are your parents dead yet?" and she said yes and teared up? Those questions are pretty much on par. Would it be some funny crazy story to tell your friends? 

Look I totally understand humor is subjective but in my peer group we'd be giving each other the WTF side-eye not hilariously laughing and begging the story retold. 

And the fact she was allegedly cheating has nothing to do with the initial story.


----------



## familyfirst09

But you triggered her!!! You brought it on and then joked about it afterwards. There are people here 1-2-3-4 years later who still trigger and that's normal. 

And no offense but you wouldn't be someone I would want to know if this is how you treat women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

I'm pretty sure it's in the Code somewhere that crying in public anytime during the first 3 months of dating where there isn't a death in the family or visible bleeding, automatically makes you eligible for Social Legend and the commensurate rehashing.


----------



## bravenewworld

COGypsy said:


> I'm pretty sure it's in the Code somewhere that crying in public anytime during the first 3 months of dating where there isn't a death in the family or visible bleeding, automatically makes you eligible for Social Legend and the commensurate rehashing.


But it did involve death. Anything involving suicide, death, race, religion, etc. is in my opinion out of bounds first date conversation. If you choose to bring up those topics, you should expect to deal with the (usually unpleasant) consequences. 

Unless you are like Chris Rock funny or something. Which most of us aren't.


----------



## vi_bride04




----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I wish it was like that!
> I have thought about one single person for a while, the one old flame I scared away!
> 
> *I think about him pretty often.... if what is in bolded were true, he would be knocking at my door!! haha.*
> 
> Sounds like an amazing way to spend an anniversary~ So glad you enjoyed it


You never know! I thought I'd never really hang out with this guy again and here he is sweeping me off my feet. 

Oh, and he lost like 20lbs of fat and gained 20lb of muscle. When he took off his shirt I was a very happy Brave!


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


>



Did you know chuck Norris invented black?? Yeah that's right he invented black. Not pink tho, tom Cruise invented pink.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> I'm pretty sure it's in the Code somewhere that crying in public anytime during the first 3 months of dating where there isn't a death in the family or visible bleeding, automatically makes you eligible for Social Legend and the commensurate rehashing.


Well if that were to happen to me it certainly wouldn't be my style to talk about it with people that would see humor in the situation. Life can be painful enough without negative attention being piled on like that. I guess that is why I come across as too boring and serious sometimes.


----------



## COGypsy

Lon said:


> Well if that were to happen to me it certainly wouldn't be my style to talk about it with people that would see humor in the situation. Life can be painful enough without negative attention being piled on like that. I guess that is why I come across as too boring and serious sometimes.


Actually, you strike me as extremely introverted and highly, highly sensitive. My sister is a lot like that. I honestly sometimes wonder if we actually grew up in the same house from the same parents because our world view is so incredibly different.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Actually, you strike me as extremely introverted and highly, highly sensitive. My sister is a lot like that. I honestly sometimes wonder if we actually grew up in the same house from the same parents because our world view is so incredibly different.


 I'm laughing... I'm definitely an introvert but in social settings most people wouldn't guess it. If I'm not chatting it up (with topics I've been very picky about joining in the conversation about) I'm making myself scarce. I am sensitive for sure, I'm very aware of people's energy around me and quite empathetic that way, but I am not emotionally unstable in the least. I do think this is probably a matter of people cast into differing viewpoints, but I definitely feel like those who aren't aware of the pain they are reinforcing in others could be exercising a little more awareness, and I will take steps to push them towards it whenever I can.


----------



## COGypsy

Lon said:


> I'm laughing... I'm definitely an introvert but in social settings most people wouldn't guess it. If I'm not chatting it up (with topics I've been very picky about joining in the conversation about) I'm making myself scarce. I am sensitive for sure, I'm very aware of people's energy around me and quite empathetic that way, but I am not emotionally unstable in the least. I do think this is probably a matter of people cast into differing viewpoints, but I definitely feel like those who aren't aware of the pain they are reinforcing in others could be exercising a little more awareness, and I will take steps to push them towards it whenever I can.


I didn't say anything about emotionally unstable. What it seems to me is that there are people in the world that spend a lot more time analyzing and searching for deeper meaning and motivation in everything and then to hold tightly to whatever they find and kind of fold it into their larger identity. 

For example, in one of your posts above, it really struck me that you said "life is painful enough..." I've never really understood that point of view. To me, sure--bad things happen. You deal with it, mitigate it happening again and move on. By the same token, good things happen. You deal with it, reinforce it happening again and move on. They're just events, they aren't a quality that describes one's whole existence. Plus it seems like no one over says "life is joyous enough..." So to me, when people talk about empathy and emotions and feelings, it's almost always in a negative context. I'm not sure why that would be preferable to dealing with private emotions in private space and then moving on with life.

Probably just my musings since I just wrapped up nearly a week of very rare face time with my sister.


----------



## FeministInPink

As I teeter on the edge of falling back into the dating pool, I found this article today, which I thought was interesting, considering my TAM handle:

This Is What It's Like To Date While Feminist

I wonder how many of them will happen to me? Some of them definitely happened while I was in college.


----------



## bandit.45

So about my date tomorrow....

She is half Syrian. 

If we have sex will she taste like schwarma? :scratchhead:


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> As I teeter on the edge of falling back into the dating pool, I found this article today, which I thought was interesting, considering my TAM handle:
> 
> This Is What It's Like To Date While Feminist
> 
> I wonder how many of them will happen to me? Some of them definitely happened while I was in college.


I dona understanda....:scratchhead:


Why can't feminists date? There are plenty of pus... er... I mean enlightened men out there...


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> So about my date tomorrow....
> 
> She is half Syrian.
> 
> If we have sex will she taste like schwarma? :scratchhead:


Maybe she's a vegetarian and will taste like falafel! :smthumbup:

Only one way to find out, Bandito.....only one way to find out!


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Maybe she's a vegetarian and will taste like falafel! :smthumbup:
> 
> Only one way to find out, Bandito.....only one way to find out!


Mmmm. Love falafel... especially curried.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> So about my date tomorrow....
> 
> She is half Syrian.
> 
> If we have sex will she taste like schwarma? :scratchhead:


Not unless you happen to be eating it off of her.


----------



## FrenchFry

All of them. All of them will happen to you FeministInPink. 

But it's a good barometer. If you like dudes who like feminists, weed out the ones who don't! You don't even have to go full bore on your dating profile, like put a quote in by bell hooks and bam--instant "oh hell no" filter.

Kind of. Sort of, cause there are the dudes who want to tell you how wrong you are in person. But I mean, that happens fairly quickly. :rofl: 

I actually think it might be worse in the 5 years I've been gone. tumblr is EVERYWHERE.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> ...For example, in one of your posts above, it really struck me that you said "life is painful enough..." I've never really understood that point of view. To me, sure--bad things happen. You deal with it, mitigate it happening again and move on. By the same token, good things happen. You deal with it, reinforce it happening again and move on. They're just events, they aren't a quality that describes one's whole existence. Plus it seems like no one over says "life is joyous enough..." So to me, when people talk about empathy and emotions and feelings, it's almost always in a negative context. I'm not sure why that would be preferable to dealing with private emotions in private space and then moving on with life.


So if someone you were on a date with (whom you may not even realize had decided there was no date #2 to come) asked you if some specific tragic event has happened to you, and it has, what is the appropriate response?

I'm just saying that asking if someone has ever tried to kill themself may not exactly be a good question to ask on a first date.


----------



## COGypsy

Lon said:


> So if someone you were on a date with (whom you may not even realize had decided there was no date #2 to come) asked you if some specific tragic event has happened to you, and it has, what is the appropriate response?
> 
> I'm just saying that asking if someone has ever tried to kill themself may not exactly be a good question to ask on a first date.


My response would be humor. Whether it happened to me or not. If it's a first date, I really can't imagine anything substantive that I would share. I hardly tell them my last name or where specifically I work, why would I tell anybody anything personal? I wouldn't expect that to be shared with me.

I would see it as grossly inappropriate if my first date sat down and solemnly said with his chin in his hand, "so...have you ever tried to end your life?" I'd leave some cash and walk away. 

On the other hand if your doing the usual volley of chatter on a first date, are you from here, what kind of work do you do, what school did you go to, what do you do on weekends, have you been to such and such a spot and then a zinger like that is thrown in there amongst the blah blah blahs, then I would crack up and give a wise ass reply.

Ultimately, is it in the best taste? No. Is it worth gnashing our teeth and rending our robes over? Not even close. Would a wildly inappropriate and over the top reaction whether positive or negative be memorable and join the pile of dating war stories? Absolutely.


----------



## ne9907

I am an introvert, highly sensitive person that dolphins make me cry --- if a future date were to ask if I had ever attempted suicide, as a purpose to weed out the crazy in me, I would be charming, sensual, deliciously irresistible, would make him fall madly in love with me then..... BAM!!!! Break his tiny.humurous heart.
Yeah, because I can do that.

How's that for crazy?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> So about my date tomorrow....
> 
> She is half Syrian.
> 
> If we have sex will she taste like schwarma? :scratchhead:


 doe she have a sexy accent? 

Some people say sound Armenian or Syrian and its pretty damn sexy


----------



## FeministInPink

FrenchFry said:


> All of them. All of them will happen to you FeministInPink.
> 
> But it's a good barometer. If you like dudes who like feminists, weed out the ones who don't! You don't even have to go full bore on your dating profile, like put a quote in by bell hooks and bam--instant "oh hell no" filter.
> 
> Kind of. Sort of, cause there are the dudes who want to tell you how wrong you are in person. But I mean, that happens fairly quickly. :rofl:
> 
> I actually think it might be worse in the 5 years I've been gone. tumblr is EVERYWHERE.


I'm generally only interested in men whose politics intersect with mine, so it's not too difficult for me to weed out the anti-feminists 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Hey guys. I got my computer back.


----------



## coffee4me

Nsweet said:


> Hey guys. I got my computer back.


Hi Sweet  nice to see you


----------



## Jellybeans

I was wondering where you were Nsweet. 

Have any of you seen that show Sirens on USA? It's really funny. I just caught up with all the episodes today.


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> Hi Sweet  nice to see you


I'm here. Internet is spotty and my battery is slowly dying more and more each day. But I'm here. 

There's also a very likely possibility that everything I type and look at while online is being monitored. I would be suspicious if it weren't for these great anxiety pills they got me on.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I was wondering where you were Nsweet.
> 
> Have any of you seen that show Sirens on USA? It's really funny. I just caught up with all the episodes today.


No. Haven't seen much tv while I've been in here. The reception is really grainy too.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Hey guys. I got my computer back.


Oh Nsweet, I missed you!


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Hey guys. I got my computer back.


Welcome back! We missed you.


----------



## ne9907

My number one reason for wanting a boyfriend:

1. Too tired to drive to the store and buy some beer.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> My number one reason for wanting a boyfriend:
> 
> 1. Too tired to drive to the store and buy some beer.


Beer run, tampons at the last possible minute, someone to b!tch at. That's what us men are good for.

*Edit:* I guess sex and humor would be on there somewhere. You've got to have something to tell your girlfriends.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Beer run, tampons at the last possible minute, someone to b!tch at. That's what us men are good for.
> 
> *Edit:* I guess sex and humor would be on there somewhere. You've got to have something to tell your girlfriends.


Damn straight~


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Damn straight~


What does your vibrator do that a man can't during sex?

*-Stay quiet.*

Did you hear about the town with only one men? They kept him alive purely for utility purposes. *Gotta have someone to open pickle jars.
*
How many women does it take to start a fight? *ONE.* How many of her friends will have to hear about it the next day? *Everyone on facebook.*

How many last minute trips to the grocery store for chocolate ice cream and crap at the last minute does it take a to make a wife/girlfriend happy? *Trick question.* They'll never tell you.:rofl:

Than you. I'll be here all week.:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Beer run, tampons at the last possible minute, someone to b!tch at. That's what us men are good for.
> 
> *Edit:* I guess sex and humor would be on there somewhere. You've got to have something to tell your girlfriends.


I've never asked a man to do any of those things except sex. It seems like it would be an imposition to ask someone to do something for me that I can do just by exerting a tiny bit of willpower. In my world, guys aren't lackeys but lovers, aren't servers but companions. Of course, my sisters and friends are 100% the opposite and I'm the only one who is divorced, so I've clearly missed the memo.


----------



## RandomDude

Man this is getting out of hand, met another one, this time with my daughter going out for lunch. Lady kept staring, then smiling at me, then smiling at my daughter, and my daughter being the rather annoying "I-wanna-meet-everybody" type of girl... Bah!

Nice pair on her however, I wonder if she was staring as she saw me eyeing her legs (her dress so short! not my fault >.<!)... still I thought I was being discreet. She suggested a coffee sometime, so whatever...

Now I have three =/
Never thought my daughter would be my winglady -.-


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> So about my date tomorrow....
> 
> She is half Syrian.
> 
> If we have sex will she taste like schwarma? :scratchhead:


Ooooo middle eastern babes are HAWT!

Just make sure she ain't muslim, lest her brothers may come after ya if you p-ss her off!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> How many women does it take to start a fight? *ONE.* How many of her friends will have to hear about it the next day? *Everyone on facebook.*
> 
> :


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Ooooo middle eastern babes are HAWT!
> 
> Just make sure she ain't muslim, lest her brothers may come after ya if you p-ss her off!


This type of vindictive behavior can be found in many cultures; it's got nothing to do with religion.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> This type of vindictive behavior can be found in many cultures; it's got nothing to do with religion.


Sure, but when a ONS is considered "defilement" and is punishable by death in their home country - hence the justification of thuggery... tis a little out of hand. But my opinion


----------



## Nsweet

Moxy's right. Muslim family's will just stone their daughter to death for dating you. 

See it's Asian families you have to worry about. They tend to have in-laws that will never be impressed and relatives that with multiple degrees. Plus they live for freaking ever and speak several languages.


----------



## whitehawk

Dumb question .

Does a girl just give you her phone number sometimes or, would it be more often than not "giving YOU" her phone number , as in ring me - please  ?

That's one out of the way, next question on it's way :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

A lady just gave you her number, why so much reading into it?


----------



## whitehawk

l dunno how to explain this without coming off as in total lala land after my last round of l think somehow 5 women in 5wks - all l can say is hmmm, it's a smorgasbord out there fellas and l'm fussy . And to think l was worried about the pickings :scratchhead:

Anyway , aside from juggling my way through a few newies from my date site , yesterday l met someone out in the real world.
And l can tell you, soooo refreshing to just meet someone naturally again , no comparison to all the date site complications .

Anyway , l think it was Bandits sitch , but she's only 32, l'm 48. l bs a lot with age because people always think l'm much younger so it's fun seein what they say or react but reality , 48. 
Anyway l was just having coffee waiting for my car and she was over from me , ended up talking , a lot , 2 1/2 hours.
She is reallllyyy nice , extreme cuteness :smthumbup: causing major mojo return. How l kept out of her pants even right there on the sidewalk tables , l'll never know :rofl:
Anyway she guessed 36 and l teased her a bit leaving it and said well, you know l gotta call you don't ya and she gave me her number, little chuckle .

But l'm worrying about the age if it went anywhere which would be highly likely, what do ya think ?


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> A lady just gave you her number, why so much reading into it?



l dunno , just thinking ages l guess , maybe she was just thinking friends !

l usually attract much younger than me but in reality they think l'm much younger too !


----------



## whitehawk

PS .

One more thing and l hope this doesn't come of shallow but l did go through a lot of shyt so, l'm not all keen on becoming buried in it again if it's too much that's all but !

ls Epilepsy a real nightmare to be around or does anyone know much about it.

She does have it but she did say it's a fairly mild form , whatever that is . She doesn't drive though saying it's too risky !


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> l dunno , just thinking ages l guess , maybe she was just thinking friends !
> 
> l usually attract much younger than me but in reality they think l'm much younger too !


A woman gives you her number... and you think you've been friendzoned lol? :scratchhead:
Trust your instincts mate -> whether you've been FZed or not - listen to your gut, its usually right especially in this instance



> l dunno how to explain this without coming off as in total lala land after my last round of l think somehow 5 women in 5wks - all l can say is hmmm, it's a smorgasbord out there fellas and l'm fussy . And to think l was worried about the pickings


You still in contact with all 5?
I'm texting 3 women at the same time now... too much female energy!

One the good girl who won't go forward till I'm divorced
One the naughty girl who calls me boytoy and flirts alot
One the starer who I just met today who thinks my daughter is cute

Bah! I'm already getting confused with their details/likes/preferences, and I've also forgotten what good girl likes >.<


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks RD , coming from the ph number king himself , l feel goooooddd :smthumbup:
Spose it was a dumb question but hey , been outa the old loop for awhile so l'm pretty rusty .

Oh sh!t yeah it gets confusing alright .
But mate , those 5 are old news now l'm afraid. There were 2 special out of those but they never went anywhere and now umm, there's 3 new ones - don't ask me how , they just keep popping up  
Well with this girl makes 3 anyway but she's way up there hands down all alone this one . So nice to talk to and cute - hooley dooley


----------



## RandomDude

Number king? Me? :rofl: I only have 3 atm! And it's already making my head juggle.

As for dating, hell yeah, you are never forgiven for forgetting the details >.<! Take a date out only to look at the menu and forget exactly what she likes... give her one of her favourites only to get it wrong (oops wrong girl!)... and too ashamed to ask again!


----------



## whitehawk

Only 3 this wk , your slippin RD 
Haha , yeah l could imagine but nah , l couldn't date 4 or 5 at once l'd be getting everything wrong all over the place :rofl:

7 of those have just been actually only on the date site thank fk, only talking emails and phone calls. l've only actually met up and spent the day with 2 . 
No real vibes with the rest so l haven't bothered.
Mind you though, 1 of the new ones - hooo l'd meet her in a heartbeat but she is interstate, asked her if she happens to own a chopper but no joy there l'm afraid 
But, this little one from yesterday though, now she is stuck in my head and in a league all her own . 
l'm actually sh!t scared to spend more time with her - dunno if l'm ready to seriously fall for someone yet especially with 18yrs age dif ' but she's the one that'd do it , big time .

She's got black hair , isn't that weird , well for me. Every girl l've ever been out with have all been blonde or mousey or streaky browny blondes.
Black hair and this gorgeous and so lickable white, white skin .


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Sure, but when a ONS is considered "defilement" and is punishable by death in their home country - hence the justification of thuggery... tis a little out of hand. But my opinion


Well, if the date were in a country other than this one, your statement might hold up a little better. You said nothing about a ONS in your original post, just that her potential bros might beat up someone who pissed her off. I'm pretty sure that this new statement diverges from that one. And vindictive behavior such as what you described exists outside of religion, too.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Moxy's right. Muslim family's will just stone their daughter to death for dating you.
> 
> See it's Asian families you have to worry about. They tend to have in-laws that will never be impressed and relatives that with multiple degrees. Plus they live for freaking ever and speak several languages.


Not all Muslim families are crazy. It's just the crazy ones that make the headlines. People getting stoned in America are probably smoking, rather than enacting medieval notions of revenge.

LOL on the notion of living up to various intimidating standards.


----------



## whitehawk

Dunno how much Muslim we're talking here but we have a Muslim friend married to a non Muslim white guy . No dramas at all .
Mind you her and her family aren't the veiled kind , dunno if that makes any difference.
She's basically just like any other chick in her dress and she's a photographer, did a large nude exhibition and all .
l couldn't say how full on she is but they've been together 15yrs or so.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Only 3 this wk , your slippin RD
> Haha , yeah l could imagine but nah , l couldn't date 4 or 5 at once l'd be getting everything wrong all over the place :rofl:


2 this week, the other 1 was from last time - and I haven't banged ANY of them yet lol (the 2nd one is open to it but I'm a little suss of her!) And it's been weeks since I lost my previous 2 FWBs! So hey, I ain't THAT good considering I'm on a dry spell!



> 7 of those have just been actually only on the date site thank fk, only talking emails and phone calls. l've only actually met up and spent the day with 2 .
> No real vibes with the rest so l haven't bothered.
> Mind you though, 1 of the new ones - hooo l'd meet her in a heartbeat but she is interstate, asked her if she happens to own a chopper but no joy there l'm afraid
> But, this little one from yesterday though, now she is stuck in my head and in a league all her own .
> l'm actually sh!t scared to spend more time with her - dunno if l'm ready to seriously fall for someone yet especially with 18yrs age dif ' but she's the one that'd do it , big time .
> 
> She's got black hair , isn't that weird , well for me. Every girl l've ever been out with have all been blonde or mousey or streaky browny blondes.
> Black hair and this gorgeous and so lickable white, white skin .


You know what's the good thing about dating sites? You can scroll up and "remember" what she was telling you about herself! 

As for black hair - its my fav! 2/3 of my dates have black hair


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> A woman gives you her number... and you think you've been friendzoned lol? :scratchhead:
> Trust your instincts mate -> whether you've been FZed or not - listen to your gut, its usually right especially in this instance
> 
> 
> 
> You still in contact with all 5?
> I'm texting 3 women at the same time now... too much female energy!
> 
> One the good girl who won't go forward till I'm divorced
> One the naughty girl who calls me boytoy and flirts alot
> One the starer who I just met today who thinks my daughter is cute
> 
> Bah! I'm already getting confused with their details/likes/preferences, and I've also forgotten what good girl likes >.<



Hands full eh :lol:. I'm a bit worried about the won't move forward one myself.
Seems l dunno , way to early for her to be hassling you with that stuff !


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> 2 this week, the other 1 was from last time - and I haven't banged ANY of them yet lol (the 2nd one is open to it but I'm a little suss of her!) And it's been weeks since I lost my previous 2 FWBs! So hey, I ain't THAT good considering I'm on a dry spell!
> 
> 
> 
> You know what's the good thing about dating sites? You can scroll up and "remember" what she was telling you about herself!
> 
> As for black hair - its my fav! 2/3 of my dates have black hair



Haha , l have to be reaaallllyyy careful with any banging . Once l start enjoying that stuff my brain pretty well fly's out the window l'm afraid . 

Yeah date sites - true / And you can keep it to emailing while your sorting out other business haha , very handy !

You love black hair yea , it is beautiful l must admit after watching hers.
My bro loves black hair to that's all he'll date .


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> doe she have a sexy accent?
> 
> Some people say sound Armenian or Syrian and its pretty damn sexy


Ha ha! No sexy accent. She grew up in New Jersey and moved to AZ when she was in college. Her dad is white bread and her mom is first generation Syrian American. 

She is VERY sexy though. She oozes sexuality without even trying. I dig women like that. 

There is a huge difference between being pretty and being sexy. The two are not mutually inclusive.


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Ooooo middle eastern babes are HAWT!
> 
> Just make sure she ain't muslim, lest her brothers may come after ya if you p-ss her off!


LOL! No she's not Muslim. Her mom is some sort of Orthodox Christian, hence her family's move to the US. Her dad is atheist. 

She and I have texted back and forth about each other for the last two weeks....that's how I know all this. What sucks is I'm afraid we wont have anything to talk about tonight. :scratchhead:


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> l dunno how to explain this without coming off as in total lala land after my last round of l think somehow 5 women in 5wks - all l can say is hmmm, it's a smorgasbord out there fellas and l'm fussy . And to think l was worried about the pickings :scratchhead:
> 
> Anyway , aside from juggling my way through a few newies from my date site , yesterday l met someone out in the real world.
> And l can tell you, soooo refreshing to just meet someone naturally again , no comparison to all the date site complications .
> 
> Anyway , l think it was Bandits sitch , but she's only 32, l'm 48. l bs a lot with age because people always think l'm much younger so it's fun seein what they say or react but reality , 48.
> Anyway l was just having coffee waiting for my car and she was over from me , ended up talking , a lot , 2 1/2 hours.
> She is reallllyyy nice , extreme cuteness :smthumbup: causing major mojo return. How l kept out of her pants even right there on the sidewalk tables , l'll never know :rofl:
> Anyway she guessed 36 and l teased her a bit leaving it and said well, you know l gotta call you don't ya and she gave me her number, little chuckle .
> 
> But l'm worrying about the age if it went anywhere which would be highly likely, what do ya think ?


Go for it bro. GO FOR IT! Geronimooooooooooooooooo.........


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> There is a huge difference between being pretty and being sexy. The two are not mutually inclusive.


Interesting


----------



## unsure78

Argeed thats interesting... gentleman please expand..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> There is a huge difference between being pretty and being sexy. The two are not mutually inclusive.


:iagree:

I am not sexy.... parts of me are, but don't have the whole package.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am not sexy.... parts of me are, but don't have the whole package.


Oh I beg to differ! Have you seen YOU in my eyes?


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am not sexy.... parts of me are, but don't have the whole package.


From my perspective, I have noticed that sexy has a lot to do with confidence and the way you carry yourself. . Walk in the room like you own it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

ugh, I am so lazy today. Was planning a hiking trip, but I don't have it on me....
Plus I am doing on a midnight hike to watch the lunar eclipse on Mon/Tue....

But I am growling restless...... it may be time for a nap


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> ugh, I am so lazy today. Was planning a hiking trip, but I don't have it on me....
> Plus I am doing on a midnight hike to watch the lunar eclipse on Mon/Tue....
> 
> But I am growling restless...... it may be time for a nap


How much sleep are you getting? Are you exercising other than this and how often? How much caffeine or stimulants are you taking?


----------



## bandit.45

Confident women are sexy women. They don't have to be beauty queens.


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Confident women are sexy women. They don't have to be beauty queens.


I feel the same way about guys. If they aren't confident in the bedroom or squeamish it's a real turn off. I'll take a 6 with legit confidence over a 10 with false bravado.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hm. I don't have the sexy. Never did, even when I'm feeling confident. I have a friend who does seem to ooz it. And she isn't particularly attractive. Cute, but below average looks/body. I don't know what it is, just that I don't have it. Believe me, I've analyzed.


----------



## bravenewworld

Also question - what do you look for in a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm making a list, here's what I have so far:

1) Kind/Empathetic/Good communicator 
2) Funny
3) Supportive of my career
4) Sexy (to me!) 
5) Independant yet respects boundaries 
6) Responsible/Trustworthy
7) Old-fashioned manners (Holds open doors, etc.) 
8) Likes to travel (near and far) 
9) Likes animals
10) Prioritizes working out but isn't consumed by it


----------



## Nsweet

Darling, you don't have to be confident to be sexy. You just have to have enough narcissism to be your own #1 fan, or enough pessimism to not give a sh!t. And then of course surround yourself with less attractive women so you look like a real catch.... Like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardasnhian, and Lindsay Lohan all seem to be doing and it works for them.


----------



## coffee4me

I was thinking.. Is it better to be dating a man who thinks you are sexy or pretty? Does it make a difference?


----------



## bravenewworld

coffee4me said:


> I was thinking.. Is it better to be dating a man who thinks you are sexy or pretty? Does it make a difference?


Sexy 100% because then he brings it to the bedroom. I mean, a flower is pretty doesn't mean you want to get busy with it.


----------



## Nsweet

bravenewworld said:


> Also question - what do you look for in a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm making a list, here's what I have so far:
> 
> 1) Kind/Empathetic/Good communicator
> 2) Funny
> 3) Supportive of my career
> 4) Sexy (to me!)
> 5) Independant yet respects boundaries
> 6) Responsible/Trustworthy
> 7) Old-fashioned manners (Holds open doors, etc.)
> 8) Likes to travel (near and far)
> 9) Likes animals
> 10) Prioritizes working out but isn't consumed by it


You rationalizing this way too much into being one of those horrible women's magazine tests for the perfect man with very general wants/needs. It's much simpler than that!

Here's all you need to remember.

Does he seem way too perfect and remind you of your mother/father (who was horrible to you)? If so run like hell because he's going to treat you the same.

Can you talk to him about anything upsetting and argue with him without either of you saying or doing something you might regret later? Marry him. He's already been trained.

Does he express than he wants to have a more intimate relationship with you, but is not aggressive or manipulative about speeding up the relationship? He's a keeper! Go ahead and do it.

I generally believe the old adage "seek and ye shall find" works in this case. If you go out looking for a man/woman just to fit into this list you're going to pass up a lot of good men with potential who may be slightly less than picture perfect. But if you can just get a good idea of what you want you'll be happy with your next match. Do you want a man who will respect you and treat you right who doesn't have a list for you as well?


----------



## Nsweet

coffee4me said:


> I was thinking.. Is it better to be dating a man who thinks you are sexy or pretty? Does it make a difference?


What do you mean?



bravenewworld said:


> Sexy 100% because then he brings it to the bedroom. I mean, a flower is pretty doesn't mean you want to get busy with it.


I believe she was asking for a man's opinion.... But you kinda nailed it. I don't know about that f*cking flowers example though. 

Let me just say this. 

Little girls are pretty. Women can sometimes be sexy. What makes the biggest difference is that it takes personality to make a woman sexy, and pretty women aren't always a joy to be around.... Dumb pretty girls are s freaking annoying!

Now what makes real sex appeal? You gotta check men sometimes. Stand up to them and challenge them and not let them get away with everything just because they're bigger, taller, or stronger. Bust some balls if you have to and sh!t test just for fun.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Darling, you don't have to be confident to be sexy. You just have to have enough narcissism to be your own #1 fan, or enough pessimism to not give a sh!t. And then of course surround yourself with less attractive women so you look like a real catch.... Like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardasnhian, and Lindsay Lohan all seem to be doing and it works for them.


So which one am I then( narcissist or pessimist) ? Lol.... recently told that I was incredibly sexy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> l dunno how to explain this without coming off as in total lala land after my last round of l think somehow 5 women in 5wks - all l can say is hmmm, it's a smorgasbord out there fellas and l'm fussy . And to think l was worried about the pickings :scratchhead:
> 
> Anyway , aside from juggling my way through a few newies from my date site , yesterday l met someone out in the real world.
> And l can tell you, soooo refreshing to just meet someone naturally again , no comparison to all the date site complications .
> 
> Anyway , l think it was Bandits sitch , but she's only 32, l'm 48. l bs a lot with age because people always think l'm much younger so it's fun seein what they say or react but reality , 48.
> Anyway l was just having coffee waiting for my car and she was over from me , ended up talking , a lot , 2 1/2 hours.
> She is reallllyyy nice , extreme cuteness :smthumbup: causing major mojo return. How l kept out of her pants even right there on the sidewalk tables , l'll never know :rofl:
> Anyway she guessed 36 and l teased her a bit leaving it and said well, you know l gotta call you don't ya and she gave me her number, little chuckle .
> 
> But l'm worrying about the age if it went anywhere which would be highly likely, what do ya think ?


48/2+7=31. She is doable WH


----------



## RandomDude

Huh? Pretty is sexy to me, unless she be fat  Then tis "if only she lost weight, she would be hot!" Heh


----------



## bandit.45

She just texted me a hot pic of her self and told me to bring a toothbrush.


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> What do you mean?
> 
> 
> I believe she was asking for a man's opinion.... But you kinda nailed it. I don't know about that f*cking flowers example though.
> 
> Let me just say this.
> 
> Little girls are pretty. Women can sometimes be sexy. What makes the biggest difference is that it takes personality to make a woman sexy, and pretty women aren't always a joy to be around.... Dumb pretty girls are s freaking annoying!
> 
> Now what makes real sex appeal? You gotta check men sometimes. Stand up to them and challenge them and not let them get away with everything just because they're bigger, taller, or stronger. Bust some balls if you have to and sh!t test just for fun.


Can I borrow that squirrel in your head once in a while?


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> So which one am I then( narcissist or pessimist) ? Lol.... recently told that I was incredibly sexy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh dear god. Not this question again.... The "Am I pretty?" question. 

Yes you're very pretty and not at all b!tchy, narcissistic, prudish, or anything like that. And I can't believe you look like like that and you're not hung up on yourself. My mind = blown.


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Can I borrow that squirrel in your head once in a while?


If you can get it out of there he's yours. I put him in there get all the nuts out and he never left.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Oh dear god. Not this question again.... The "Am I pretty?" question.
> 
> Yes you're very pretty and not at all b!tchy, narcissistic, prudish, or anything like that. And I can't believe you look like like that and you're not hung up on yourself. My mind = blown.


Hahahaahahaha sweetheart you know im just giving you [email protected]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Hahahaahahaha sweetheart you know im just giving you [email protected]
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know how trained I am at this? I see your sh!t test and raise you with sarcasm.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> You know how trained I am at this? I see your sh!t test and raise you with sarcasm.


Hahahahah thought you might be doing that  thread is not quite the same without you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Why did the Asian man run outside with chop sticks and soy sauce? Because he heard it was raining cats and dogs. 

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

Too much? Wanna hear some sexual jokes or something else?


----------



## unsure78

Lol that did make me laugh a little...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Did I tell you about what I brought in here? I brought this penis extender that works alright if I don't have to move around, but it either pinches or starts slipping. Damn thing fell off right in the middle of a physical exam and I had to tuck it into my sock before the doctor saw.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Did I tell you about what I brought in here? I brought this penis extender that works alright if I don't have to move around, but it either pinches or starts slipping. Damn thing fell off right in the middle of a physical exam and I had to tuck it into my sock before the doctor saw.


Lol nsweet.. thats amusing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> You rationalizing this way too much into being one of those horrible women's magazine tests for the perfect man with very general wants/needs. It's much simpler than that!
> 
> Here's all you need to remember.
> 
> Does he seem way too perfect and remind you of your mother/father (who was horrible to you)? If so run like hell because he's going to treat you the same.
> 
> *Can you talk to him about anything upsetting and argue with him without either of you saying or doing something you might regret later? Marry him. He's already been trained.*
> 
> *Does he express than he wants to have a more intimate relationship with you, but is not aggressive or manipulative about speeding up the relationship? He's a keeper! Go ahead and do it.*
> 
> I generally believe the old adage "seek and ye shall find" works in this case. If you go out looking for a man/woman just to fit into this list you're going to pass up a lot of good men with potential who may be slightly less than picture perfect. But if you can just get a good idea of what you want you'll be happy with your next match. Do you want a man who will respect you and treat you right who doesn't have a list for you as well?


Nsweet
I am sort of seeing someone like that. We have already established what we want out of this liaison as we are both divorced. He wants a monogamous relationship but not feel tied down, I just want a friend with benefits yet... he is doing the bolded parts!
This is his third day on Vacation to a beautiful location, and yet he is texting to see how my day is going....
For more information, read my previous post, but long story short. I had sex with him, I sent him a mortifying text message intended for my girl friend (pretty embarrassing) for me, I apologized, instead of pulling away he wants me to be more open and receptive to his "playfulness"



Nsweet said:


> How much sleep are you getting? Are you exercising other than this and how often? How much caffeine or stimulants are you taking?


No caffeine for a while, no stimulants.
I had a redbull yesterday, am only sleeping like 6 hours a night, which is not my standard. 
I am running at least twice a week, but that is all. My physical fitness suck....


----------



## Nsweet

NE, do you think you might be depressed?

That all sounds like he's a good guy.... but then again how long have you known each other? The most terrible people can be really sweet and pull all your heart strings in the beginning.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> NE, do you think you might be depressed?
> 
> That all sounds like he's a good guy.... but then again how long have you known each other? The most terrible people can be really sweet and pull all your heart strings in the beginning.


I am definitely not depressed, I have been pretty happy for about three months now lol. 

Yeah, he may be a good guy, and I am over thinking it. Maybe he just likes me 

I over analyze everything!!
I like him because he reminds me of an old boyfriend, the resemblance is uncanny! 

I missed you Nsweet!

EDIT: We have been talking/seeing each other for less than a month, it is just infatuation. I had forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of it.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Go for it bro. GO FOR IT! Geronimooooooooooooooooo.........



You think hu ! hmmm , she could really make a mess of me :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am definitely not depressed, I have been pretty happy for about three months now lol.
> 
> Yeah, he may be a good guy, and I am over thinking it. Maybe he just likes me
> 
> I over analyze everything!!
> *I like him because he reminds me of an old boyfriend, the resemblance is uncanny! *
> 
> I missed you Nsweet!
> 
> EDIT: We have been talking/seeing each other for less than a month, it is just infatuation. I had forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end of it.


Dump him. Dump him now!

You're not dating him for him, you're reliving an old relationship with an ex boyfriend you're clearly not over. 

You know how I can tell? Because if you were really truly over your ex boyfriend you would dismiss those similarities to get to know him.... And you probably wouldn't have started sleeping with him so soon. 

Sounds to me like this relationship is another one of those need to needed ones you're going for lately. You not ready yet, but I guess you need to find that out for yourself.

Really, you're falling head over heals for every guy who tells you what you want to hear and sleeping with the ones who don't want you as much as you want them. If you had your self esteem or ANY self esteem you wouldn't need that love to make you feel better.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Ha ha! No sexy accent. She grew up in New Jersey and moved to AZ when she was in college. Her dad is white bread and her mom is first generation Syrian American.
> 
> She is VERY sexy though. She oozes sexuality without even trying. I dig women like that.
> 
> There is a huge difference between being pretty and being sexy. The two are not mutually inclusive.



Yeah exactly :iagree:
Mine's by no means model looks or anything . As a matter of fact most guys probably wouldn't even go for her if they're big into looks.
l more like unique , different and she oozes different , love that in a cute package .


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Dump him. Dump him now!
> 
> You're not dating him for him, you're reliving an old relationship with an ex boyfriend you're clearly not over.
> 
> You know how I can tell? Because if you were really truly over your ex boyfriend you would dismiss those similarities to get to know him.... And you probably wouldn't have started sleeping with him so soon.
> 
> Sounds to me like this relationship is another one of those need to needed ones you're going for lately. You not ready yet, but I guess you need to find that out for yourself.
> 
> Really, you're falling head over heals for every guy who tells you what you want to hear and sleeping with the ones who don't want you as much as you want them. If you had your self esteem or ANY self esteem you wouldn't need that love to make you feel better.


And this is exactly why I missed you!!!

But I am not head over heels for him. I wanted to get the sex part out of my system.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hm. I don't have the sexy. Never did, even when I'm feeling confident. I have a friend who does seem to ooz it. And she isn't particularly attractive. Cute, but below average looks/body. I don't know what it is, just that I don't have it. Believe me, I've analyzed.



Yeah you might think Enjoli but you'd be wrong for sure don't worry.
lt can even be the person or some feature. Hair , voice , eyes , anything. lt's all just about the eyes of the beholder :smthumbup:
For me l wouldn't even think about confidence myself . Some of the quietest people , even shy , just make a mess of me . Sometimes l actually reckon confidence is pretty off putting personally in some strange way , unsexy .


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> And this is exactly why I missed you!!!
> 
> But I am not head over heels for him. I wanted to get the sex part out of my system.


So if all you want is sex from him...... Keep dating other guys. 

At least get your rocks off with him while you go on a few not so terrible first dates. Later you can cut him loose if you decide you want to have sex with someone better. 

What I would do if I were a woman. F*ck every guy who lasted a month with me at least once, weed out all the losers and men who are bad in bed, and keep a wide FWB circle going on. Not too long though.... Some of them fall in love and get clingy. 

What I have done in the past.... Hang out with the "just friends" with a back full of scratch marks and hickeys every damn where and don't say sh!t. Drives some women crazy to know other women want you and have left their mark.:FIREdevil:


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Also question - what do you look for in a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm making a list, here's what I have so far:
> 
> 1) Kind/Empathetic/Good communicator
> 2) Funny
> 3) Supportive of my career
> 4) Sexy (to me!)
> 5) Independant yet respects boundaries
> 6) Responsible/Trustworthy
> 7) Old-fashioned manners (Holds open doors, etc.)
> 8) Likes to travel (near and far)
> 9) Likes animals
> 10) Prioritizes working out but isn't consumed by it



l really couldn't even think in some list term myself , it's more a whatever thing for me because everyone's different, anything can happen , any mix , anything.

But good to talk to is way up there with me . No pretense , real , ease . Personally l don't care how confident or not , everyone feels good around the right person.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> 48/2+7=31. She is doable WH



Thanks Lonno , you think hu .
like she's a keeper though , so spesh . Umm is that still a doable ?

She has got a daughter but can't have any more kids to so l guess that ones outa the way at least .


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> You rationalizing this way too much into being one of those horrible women's magazine tests for the perfect man with very general wants/needs. It's much simpler than that!
> 
> Here's all you need to remember.
> 
> *Does he seem way too perfect and remind you of your mother/father (who was horrible to you)? If so run like hell because he's going to treat you the same*.
> 
> *Can you talk to him about anything upsetting and argue with him without either of you saying or doing something you might regret later?* Marry him. He's already been trained.
> 
> *Does he express than he wants to have a more intimate relationship with you, but is not aggressive or manipulative about speeding up the relationship? He's a keeper! Go ahead and do it.*
> 
> I generally believe the old adage "seek and ye shall find" works in this case. If you go out looking for a man/woman just to fit into this list you're going to pass up a lot of good men with potential who may be slightly less than picture perfect. But if you can just get a good idea of what you want you'll be happy with your next match. Do you want a man who will respect you and treat you right who doesn't have a list for you as well?


To me one of those women's magazine lists would be super specific, e.g. "Must be taller than 5'9" or "Must be a fireman" or "Must make over xxx amount per year." 

My list is more general deal-breakers - things I know 100% from personal experience will not work in my life. Letting doors slam in my face? Nope. Hate my pets? Nope. Complain 24/7 everytime you leave your neighborhood? Nope. 

For me putting pen to paper is cathartic. Perhaps for others it works better to go on gut intuition. I've always been a list maker and a ballbuster. There's no greater joy in life for me than crossing off that last item. 

I think the bolded is good advice but for me it's not enough to hitch my horse to one post. I definitely don't expect anyone to be picture perfect but I make no apologies for having high standards. I'd rather be alone than settle for someone I know will not make me happy in the long run. My divorce taught me a lot about myself and what I need. Also, what I *don't* want. 

Definitely not looking to get married again - not in a bitter way but personally I no longer believe in situations modeled after business contracts to prove my love to someone. I have several friends in great marriages and I know it works for others. For my bad-ass lady lifestyle, though, the concept seems confining and outdated.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> There is a huge difference between being pretty and being sexy. The two are not mutually inclusive.


I agree with this, big time. Pretty and/or handsome is not always coincident with sexiness or attraction. There are many people (men and women) who I find objectively attractive but to whom I am not at all attracted in an amorous manner. It's something I've heard from a lot of folks; one can appreciate something without desiring it.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I agree with this, big time. Pretty and/or handsome is not always coincident with sexiness or attraction. There are many people (men and women) who I find objectively attractive but to whom I am not at all attracted in an amorous manner. It's something I've heard from a lot of folks; one can appreciate something without desiring it.


And some of the sexist women I've known haven't always been the prettiest either.


----------



## moxy

In my opinion (though surely not in everyone's) a person who is sexy has a lust for life, a passion for something worth the struggle, an understanding of shadow and and appreciation of luminescence. Desire is all about risk in the hopes of some reward; it requires a bit of depth, a willingness to acknowledge that which is animal in us, that which isn't always civilized, but also to strive for that which is transcendent in our humanity, too. As I said, maybe not how others would define it, but that's how I are it.

Prettiness and handsomeness have more to do with symmetry, convention, social nod and standards of beauty, the stylized image of the polite being in civilized society. Refinement can be objectively quite attractive, but that doesn't mean it's magnetic or compelling. 

Heathcliffe vs. Linton in "Wuthering Heights" encompasses that distinction for me.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> In my opinion (though surely not in everyone's) a person who is sexy has a lust for life, a passion for something worth the struggle, an understanding of shadow and and appreciation of luminescence. Desire is all about risk in the hopes of some reward; it requires a bit of depth, a willingness to acknowledge that which is animal in us, that which isn't always civilized, but also to strive for that which is transcendent in our humanity, too. As I said, maybe not how others would define it, but that's how I are it.
> 
> Prettiness and handsomeness have more to do with symmetry, convention, social nod and standards of beauty, the stylized image of the polite being in civilized society. Refinement can be objectively quite attractive, but that doesn't mean it's magnetic or compelling.
> 
> Heathcliffe vs. Linton in "Wuthering Heights" encompasses that distinction for me.


Uh, to me I find a women sexy when she wants what I got.


----------



## whitehawk

Touching when you meet someone ?

lf she touches you with hand brushes and stuff a fair bit , that could easily be avoided if she wanted to - she wouldn't do it with just friend thoughts or just anyone , right ? 
Like that'd be a pretty big thing don't you think ?

Well, unless she's one of the real flirty types anyway, try it on anyone l know but that's different . Or 1/2 drunk night out girls .


----------



## whitehawk

Actually , ex brushes me all the time yet she's just sent the D papers , now l'm confused again


----------



## tracyishere

whitehawk said:


> Touching when you meet someone ?
> 
> lf she touches you with hand brushes and stuff a fair bit , that could easily be avoided if she wanted to - she wouldn't do it with just friend thoughts or just anyone , right ? Like it'd be a pretty big thing you right ?
> 
> Well, unless she's one of the real flirty types anyway, try it on anyone l know but that's different . Or 1/2 drunk night out girls .



Some people don't know what personal space is. My brother in-law is always hugging me and pinching me and placing his hand on me. It's very uncomfortable. But he does that to everyone. :dunno:


----------



## Nsweet

bravenewworld said:


> To me one of those women's magazine lists would be super specific, e.g. "Must be taller than 5'9" or "Must be a fireman" or "Must make over xxx amount per year."
> 
> My list is more general deal-breakers - things I know 100% from personal experience will not work in my life. Letting doors slam in my face? Nope. Hate my pets? Nope. Complain 24/7 everytime you leave your neighborhood? Nope.
> 
> For me putting pen to paper is cathartic. Perhaps for others it works better to go on gut intuition. I've always been a list maker and a ballbuster. There's no greater joy in life for me than crossing off that last item.
> 
> I think the bolded is good advice but for me it's not enough to hitch my horse to one post. I definitely don't expect anyone to be picture perfect but I make no apologies for having high standards. I'd rather be alone than settle for someone I know will not make me happy in the long run. My divorce taught me a lot about myself and what I need. Also, what I *don't* want.
> 
> Definitely not looking to get married again - not in a bitter way but personally I no longer believe in situations modeled after business contracts to prove my love to someone. I have several friends in great marriages and I know it works for others. For my bad-ass lady lifestyle, though, the concept seems confining and outdated.


You're also recently divorced and still recovering, so any decision you make about relationships is going to irrational or very self protective. You know you want someone eventually, but you don't want to marry someone like your ex husband or to let yourself be hurt again. 

These things can't really be planned on either. It's like recovering from a bad childhood or years of being shamed and having to rebuild your self esteem. There's a reason divorced people get that sad look in their eye that never seems to go away for up to a decade later.


----------



## whitehawk

I more mean say with someone you've just met and it's looking like your into each other. Just those beautiful subtle little finger tip or hand touches as she passes you something for example.

PS , l'd actually love to watch your BIL around a few people and you at the same time . Can be big differences in that stuff between the lines that tell the real story .


----------



## tracyishere

whitehawk said:


> I more mean say with someone you've just met and it's looking like your into each other. Just those beautiful subtle little finger tip or hand touches as she passes you something for example.
> 
> PS , l'd actually love to watch your BIL around a few people and you at the same time . Can be big differences in that stuff between the lines that tell the real story .



I guess If I was interested in someone I might touch them subtlety. I'm so far removed from that scene I actually have no idea what I would do. 

My BIL is creepy. Gives me the heebie jeebies.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> I more mean say with someone you've just met and it's looking like your into each other. Just those beautiful subtle little finger tip or hand touches as she passes you something for example.


Thats the best part of a new flirtation, IMO.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> You're also recently divorced and still recovering, so any decision you make about relationships is going to irrational or very self protective. You know you want someone eventually, but you don't want to marry someone like your ex husband or to let yourself be hurt again.
> 
> These things can't really be planned on either. It's like recovering from a bad childhood or years of being shamed and having to rebuild your self esteem. There's a reason divorced people get that sad look in their eye that never seems to go away for up to a decade later.


Agree that I'm still recovering/healing but I'm not feeling irrational at all. Self protective, yes, but in a good way. 

I agree life is what happens when you are making plans, but I'd like to send my intent into the universe of what I'm looking for and see what happens. 

If I don't find it, that's ok too. I seem to find enough to keep me busy in the meantime!


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> Thats the best part of a new flirtation, IMO.


I agree! Also the moment before you actually kiss but you can just tell they want to kiss you. I love that!


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead: Good girl not letting me go
 Naughty girl sent me 7 texts today
 Starer girl giving me space for my kid at least

Hmmm... maybe I should drop the first 2 and reset my dating options


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Actually , ex brushes me all the time yet she's just sent the D papers , now l'm confused again


You arent divorced? Totally didnt know that... I thought you were ...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Epic night. Now time for a nap.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Epic night. Now time for a nap.


:smthumbup: Hope you had an awesome time! Get some rest.


----------



## lisab0105

Wasn't your date last night, Bandit? How'd it go?


----------



## bandit.45

lisab0105 said:


> Wasn't your date last night, Bandit? How'd it go?


She looked amazing, dinner was excellent due to my superior barbecuing skills , the atmosphere and weather were perfect...

Then we went to a hookah bar and laughed and talked over tea and hookah smoke...tons of fun if you have never tried it. 

Then we went up to a high point overlooking the Phoenix valley and talked and kissed and talked and kissed...

And then we went to her house and I spent the night.  She made me coffee and breakfast and I got home around 9:00 a.m. this morning. 

It was fantastic and she was all I thought she would be. She wants to go out again next weekend.


----------



## bandit.45

tracyishere said:


> I guess If I was interested in someone I might touch them subtlety. I'm so far removed from that scene I actually have no idea what I would do.
> 
> My BIL is creepy. Gives me the heebie jeebies.


When I'm around people I am comfortable with I am very touchy. I don't think that makes me creepy.

Touch may not be your love language.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> She looked amazing, dinner was excellent due to my superior barbecuing skills , the atmosphere and weather were perfect...
> 
> Then we went to a hookah bar and laughed and talked over tea and hookah smoke...tons of fun if you have never tried it.
> 
> Then we went up to a high point overlooking the Phoenix valley and talked and kissed and talked and kissed...
> 
> And then we went to her house and I spent the night.  She made me coffee and breakfast and I got home around 9:00 a.m. this morning.
> 
> It was fantastic and she was all I thought she would be. She wants to go out again next weekend.


Sounds amazing!!! Yay!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Sounds like bandit may need a nap to unwind from last night too :thumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Sounds like bandit may need a nap to unwind from last night too :thumbup:


Oh Mary sweet mother of Jesus she wore me out.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> You arent divorced? Totally didnt know that... I thought you were ...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Nah , only been 18mths all up . The papers are here now.


----------



## whitehawk

tracyishere said:


> I guess If I was interested in someone I might touch them subtlety. I'm so far removed from that scene I actually have no idea what I would do.
> 
> My BIL is creepy. Gives me the heebie jeebies.



But still, it might be nothing to or even just a trying too hard or touchy touchy thing .
My SIL is so cuddly touchy to it embarrasses me. But l do see she is like that with other people she likes to. l'm pretty sure it's nothing .


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> She looked amazing, dinner was excellent due to my superior barbecuing skills , the atmosphere and weather were perfect...
> 
> Then we went to a hookah bar and laughed and talked over tea and hookah smoke...tons of fun if you have never tried it.
> 
> Then we went up to a high point overlooking the Phoenix valley and talked and kissed and talked and kissed...
> 
> And then we went to her house and I spent the night.  She made me coffee and breakfast and I got home around 9:00 a.m. this morning.
> 
> It was fantastic and she was all I thought she would be. She wants to go out again next weekend.


:smthumbup:  awesome!
There ya go man! See who knows what is around the corner.


----------



## tracyishere

whitehawk said:


> But still, it might be nothing to or even just a trying too hard or touchy touchy thing .
> 
> My SIL is so cuddly touchy to it embarrasses me. But l do see she is like that with other people she likes to. l'm pretty sure it's nothing .



Who knows. All I know is it makes me uncomfortable. I have to restrain myself from ripping his hand off me. Smile and nod, smile and nod


----------



## whitehawk

Dunno if l can make this sound right or not but - l can't decide whether to open that door or not to my new one.
She's so everything l'd go for, it was just an in your face bang with us, instant . She's so stuck in my head , that all adds up to serious with me, real serious . We met up again last night , it's already like we've known each other all our lives , just at one , auto .

The thing is , 16yrs difference , l dunno if l wanna open that can of worms or just turn my back and walk away.
Because there'd most likely be no turning back if l let it start .

l mean she could start midlifing in 10 yrs time or wake up any day and start the bs of what 1,000s of other women have done right through Tam. l mean have you read some of that stuff. Anyone else l've been meeting just for my sorta age bracket l mean, it'd be different if we were both her ageish. But anyway l've sorta made sure it's around 40ish and upwards so we've hopefully at least "both" been there already enough to be a bit smarter this time round you know .

Although she has been divorced already , it was an abuse thing.

ps , l mean yeah it could just fizzle in a mth anyway , never can tell l spose but if it didn't !


----------



## RandomDude

Open the door just don't open your heart as of yet

Have some fun!


----------



## whitehawk

Trouble is l dunno if that's possible with her it's already full on.


----------



## RandomDude

Ah, so you've already open your heart and now want to close the door heh... well that's a problem... now the more you fight it the more you'll either:

1) Fall harder in infactuation
2) Regret more even if you do close the door

Too late, might as well finish the race!


----------



## Jellybeans

Bandit, I am so glad to hear you had fun!  



whitehawk said:


> *l mean she could start midlifing in 10 yrs time* or wake up any day and start the bs of what 1,000s of other women have done right through Tam.


:banghead:

Oh dear God.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Bandit, I am so glad to hear you had fun!
> 
> 
> 
> :banghead:
> 
> Oh dear God.



Does that mean l'm worrying too much 
ps , so don't you girls think in reverse about what all the guys have done jb , your ex stuff , when you look at something new ?


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Ah, so you've already open your heart and now want to close the door heh... well that's a problem... now the more you fight it the more you'll either:
> 
> 1) Fall harder in infactuation
> 2) Regret more even if you do close the door
> 
> Too late, might as well finish the race!



Haha , least l can blame her for that she opened it single handedly :rofl: 

Fkg weird isn't it . When you just want fun you meet heavy but if you wanted heavy you'd just meet fun .


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Open the door just don't open your heart as of yet
> 
> Have some fun!


This.

Whitehawk you can have fun and still guard your heart.

Sounds like this woman wants to jump your bones bad. Let her!


----------



## bandit.45

tracyishere said:


> Who knows. All I know is it makes me uncomfortable. I have to restrain myself from ripping his hand off me. Smile and nod, smile and nod



Nothing wrong with this Tracy. Some people just don't like to be touched for whatever reason. Establish your boundaries and don't be ashamed of them.


----------



## moxy

So, Mr. Casual found a girlfriend in the two days since we last got together, which brings an end to fun times for us. I figured it would happen eventually, but I'm sad about it anyway. He was hot as hell. 

Post-mortem analyses of interpersonal relationships are not generally objective enough to yield meaningful answers, but the impulse remains. The temptation to seek fault in oneself is a trait of mine. Maybe I should've stayed the night once in a while. Maybe he didn't mean it as a compliment when he said that I should do porn because I'm freaky like a porn star. Maybe it's irrelevant anyway. Even though things were casual, a few months is enough time that a sudden end will make a person feel the loss; I guess I liked him more than I had admitted to myself. 

Ahh well. Life goes on.


----------



## bandit.45

Sorry to hear that Moxy. Don't blame yourself.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Even though things were casual, a few months is enough time that a sudden end will make a person feel the loss; I guess I liked him more than I had admitted to myself.
> Ahh well. Life goes on.


I can relate here, Moxy.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Sorry to hear that Moxy. Don't blame yourself.


Thanks, Bandit. I always do blame myself; I haven't been able to break that habit in my life, but I need to learn how to do so. Also, the way I'm feeling right now is the reason I generally do not date or do much other than throw myself into my work.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> I can relate here, Moxy.


I didn't expect things to last forever, but, I'm bummed about it anyway. I'm sorry that you can relate!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I didn't expect things to last forever, but, I'm bummed about it anyway. I'm sorry that you can relate!


Don't worry. If you're as attractive as I think you may be, you will have no problems finding yourself another munchable love-muffin.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> So, Mr. Casual found a girlfriend in the two days since we last got together, which brings an end to fun times for us. I figured it would happen eventually, but I'm sad about it anyway. He was hot as hell.
> 
> Post-mortem analyses of interpersonal relationships are not generally objective enough to yield meaningful answers, but the impulse remains. The temptation to seek fault in oneself is a trait of mine. Maybe I should've stayed the night once in a while. Maybe he didn't mean it as a compliment when he said that I should do porn because I'm freaky like a porn star. Maybe it's irrelevant anyway. Even though things were casual, a few months is enough time that a sudden end will make a person feel the loss; I guess I liked him more than I had admitted to myself.
> 
> Ahh well. Life goes on.


Aw that blows. I am sorry.Moxy


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> This.
> 
> Whitehawk you can have fun and still guard your heart.
> 
> Sounds like this woman wants to jump your bones bad. Let her!


Ha ha . l'm afraid bones have been jumped, l'm doomed :rofl: 
And very nice bones they were too .
Our phone last night lead to frustration, which lead to me jumping in my car, which lead to her lounge room floor till 5am . Um , then l quickly went home :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

And want her more , and l want more bones :scratchhead:

PS - Hence the panic attack ! Lucky for me my daughters here all wk from now . This will keep me thinking with the right parts , for awhile, l hope .


----------



## RandomDude

I'm in a dilemma, I should be happy I got an available booty call, but she turns me off now =/ She seems... too easy, even my past FWBs weren't like her

Considering my other two dates... cept both sound like keepers! Bah! Oh well may look for a fourth


----------



## whitehawk

Hmm , hope mine didn't sound that way, it was her first so fast. My frustration was in l just wanted to see her again bad but things just accidentally found their way Sth, so to speak 

But l hear you normally on too easy , it could effect me the same.


----------



## RandomDude

I need an excuse so I can text these ladies to leave me alone tonight, I'm spending too much time on the phone. What haven't I used...

Tired after work - used, calling daughter - used, cleaning house - used... -.-


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> So, Mr. Casual found a girlfriend in the two days since we last got together, which brings an end to fun times for us. I figured it would happen eventually, but I'm sad about it anyway. He was hot as hell.
> 
> Post-mortem analyses of interpersonal relationships are not generally objective enough to yield meaningful answers, but the impulse remains. The temptation to seek fault in oneself is a trait of mine. Maybe I should've stayed the night once in a while. Maybe he didn't mean it as a compliment when he said that I should do porn because I'm freaky like a porn star. Maybe it's irrelevant anyway. Even though things were casual, a few months is enough time that a sudden end will make a person feel the loss; I guess I liked him more than I had admitted to myself.
> 
> Ahh well. Life goes on.


Sorry to hear that :/
2 days, are you sure he didn't already have a GF?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> I need an excuse so I can text these ladies to leave me alone tonight, I'm spending too much time on the phone. What haven't I used...
> 
> Tired after work - used, calling daughter - used, cleaning house - used... -.-


Why use excuses? Tell them straight up you don't feel like talking and need some time to yourself.


----------



## RandomDude

Then they think I'm not interested, ladies think too much! (no offense  ) But nah -> they are all just very young (so am I... sorta heh)

But its ok now, cept its 2 hrs to midnight and I didn't get to watch my movie


----------



## vi_bride04

RD, you cause your own problems, lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> RD, you cause your own problems, lol


I couldn't imagine living a life so full of self induced drama.

Well ... anymore. I recall what it was like. Lol.


----------



## RandomDude

Do not! 

But tis ok, I'll just watch it and go to work late, besides I don't have any appointments tomorrow!

And what I do wrong this time?  Just being tactful with my dates! (And complaining about them on a forum in the meantime!)


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> I need an excuse so I can text these ladies to leave me alone tonight, I'm spending too much time on the phone. What haven't I used...
> 
> Tired after work - used, calling daughter - used, cleaning house - used... -.-


My daughters my bestie , no one ever argues with that one


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Do not!
> 
> But tis ok, I'll just watch it and go to work late, besides I don't have any appointments tomorrow!
> 
> And what I do wrong this time?  Just being tactful with my dates! (And complaining about them on a forum in the meantime!)


You're compromising what YOU want to do in order to keep these girls you barely know and only going out with to screw, happy.

Booty ain't worth that much nonsense.


----------



## RandomDude

Only one is a booty call that I'm just keeping in case I get too horny, the other two are potentials lol



whitehawk said:


> My daughters my bestie , no one ever argues with that one


Overused in my case haha


----------



## EnjoliWoman

RandomDude said:


> Do not!
> 
> But tis ok, I'll just watch it and go to work late, besides I don't have any appointments tomorrow!
> 
> And what I do wrong this time?  Just being tactful with my dates! (And complaining about them on a forum in the meantime!)


You aren't being honest and you aren't setting honest boundaries. There is nothing wrong with saying "talk to you later - I need some 'me' time."

If they read too much into it, then they really need to get a grip and grow up. No loss there if they bail over THAT.

That is a boundary you need to set and you aren't really - you are making up reasons/excuses instead of honest boundaries.


----------



## RandomDude

Ah kk I'll try that tomorrow if it gets outta hand again


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Only one is a booty call that I'm just keeping in case I get too horny, the other two are potentials lol
> 
> 
> 
> Overused in my case haha




Well , seems l'm not much better RD.
l just logged into my date site. l haven't been back since l met 32 and l haven't read anything yet but l did catch one headline hitting me right between the eyes . "Where are you "my name ", what's going on ".

You know l so had any love life from here if even any at all, all so simply mapped out .
Yet l've made a mess already , a few times . 
And now l feel so guilty even talking to anyone else because of 32 , yet l don't even know what to do about 32.

Well , l'm going in. Check the damage ! l know exactly which one that headlines from .


----------



## Jellybeans

This morning I woke up really wishing I had a man in bed with me who was wanting to bang my brains out. It has been too devastatingly long.

Happy Monday, all.


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> I'm in a dilemma, I should be happy I got an available booty call, but she turns me off now =/ She seems... too easy, even my past FWBs weren't like her
> 
> Considering my other two dates... cept both sound like keepers! Bah!* Oh well may look for a fourth*


Really? I mean...Really? You are turned off by a girl that wants to give you exactly what you want and she has the audacity to be "easy" (not that YOU have any room to call anyone easy) and you are turned off that she refers to you as a boy toy. 

*YET*, here you are, always referring to these women as numbers, options, spare parts and now saying maybe you need a fourth???!!! You are a walking, talking hypocrite and the kind of energy you are putting out in the dating world is exactly what you are going to get in return. 

Stop thinking with your d*ck for I don't know, like 2 seconds, and start to consider these women as actual human beings, not objects for you to run down your skanky check list with.


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm more surprised that anyone's surprised at RD's wishy-washyness. It is par for the course.

It's clear he isn't looking to lock anything down. In fact, he wants the opposite.


----------



## Another Planet

(AP snickers)


----------



## unsure78

So the future mr unsure has continued to be distant at best, finally asked him straight up if he still wanted to be with me, and he said yes, blah blah going thru a lot blah blah... lol patience is clearly not my strong suit

However in a amusing twist slow hat has taken to texting me like everyday, initiating conversation with me...


----------



## lisab0105

When was the last time he actually took time out to see you?

I don't know, no matter what a guy is going through, if he wants to see you, he sees you. Especially when they are going through a hard time, what better way to feel better than with your hot girlfriend?


----------



## unsure78

lisab0105 said:


> When was the last time he actually took time out to see you?
> 
> I don't know, no matter what a guy is going through, if he wants to see you, he sees you. Especially when they are going through a hard time, what better way to feel better than with your hot girlfriend?


last i saw him was about two weeks ago... 

when under stress he seems to just kinda disappear, and i know hes doing it to more than just me.... not everyone when stressed want to confide in others and i understand that, to a point... but a realtionship is not made of nothing either....


----------



## lisab0105

unsure78 said:


> last i saw him was about two weeks ago...
> 
> when under stress he seems to just kinda disappear, and i know hes doing it to more than just me.... not everyone when stressed want to confide in others and i understand that, to a point... but a realtionship is not made of nothing either....


No it isn't and if he said he wants to be with you, he has the a responsibility to treat you as such. You are not an after thought, or someone to get to when he can. I hope he gets his head in the game before it is too late.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> (AP snickers)



What's goin on with Bleecher AP ?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> last i saw him was about two weeks ago...
> 
> when under stress he seems to just kinda disappear, and i know hes doing it to more than just me.... not everyone when stressed want to confide in others and i understand that, to a point... but a realtionship is not made of nothing either....


I'm sort of like this, in that I'm not just introverted but I retreat into my shell when life starts throwing grenades at me. And there is room to invite one other into my shell but would feel guilty doing so and keeping her away from her own reality. I have become more aware of this and make an effort with my gf to not pull away from her but then she gets to see the unpleasant stressed out and high strung side of me, and I'm not sure which is worse for her.


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> I'm sort of like this, in that I'm not just introverted but I retreat into my shell when life starts throwing grenades at me. And there is room to invite one other into my shell but would feel guilty doing so and keeping her away from her own reality. I have become more aware of this and make an effort with my gf to not pull away from her but then she gets to see the unpleasant stressed out and high strung side of me, and I'm not sure which is worse for her.


IMO, we would rather see the unpleasant side of our guy when he is going through a hard time, than see and hear nothing and than are forced to ask if they even want to be with us. Women are nurturers and we can take seeing the not so great side of people.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> last i saw him was about two weeks ago...
> 
> when under stress he seems to just kinda disappear, and i know hes doing it to more than just me.... not everyone when stressed want to confide in others and i understand that, to a point... but a realtionship is not made of nothing either....


All I have to say is if this is a chronic thing for him to check out like this under stress are you going to want to put up with it during a relationship? Life is stressful so what's he going to do just not be available when crunch time happens? 

If this is how he acts when dealing with his stuff how is he going to treat you when you are under stress? "Hey give me a call when you are over this ok?".....just something to think about :/


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Sorry to hear that :/
> 2 days, are you sure he didn't already have a GF?


I'm not sure. People lie, sometimes.


----------



## whitehawk

Well , there's 3 emails in there and l feel like l'm cheating on 32 already so l haven't answered them yet .
One thinks we should have our first date.
The other one is just sooo gorgeous , as in person and looks , spesh , she works with disadvantaged kids which says one hell of a lot in my book but she's interstate.

l have to think . Thank God l have the wk off this wk


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> What's goin on with Bleecher AP ?


No complaints, just seems to get better every day


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> No complaints, just seems to get better every day




Ahh that's great AP , nice to hear .


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I'm sort of like this, in that I'm not just introverted but I retreat into my shell when life starts throwing grenades at me. And there is room to invite one other into my shell but would feel guilty doing so and keeping her away from her own reality. I have become more aware of this and make an effort with my gf to not pull away from her but then she gets to see the unpleasant stressed out and high strung side of me, and I'm not sure which is worse for her.


Thanks Lon... its good to hear its not just him


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> last i saw him was about two weeks ago...
> 
> when under stress he seems to just kinda disappear, and i know hes doing it to more than just me.... not everyone when stressed want to confide in others and i understand that, to a point... but a realtionship is not made of nothing either....



But it mustn't even be a relationship yet if Slow's still on the scene , or not a very long or serious one has it or ?

Personally l wouldn't lay anything on anyone so soon unless we are a "thing" , apart from a few skimming details maybe !


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> But it mustn't even be a relationship yet if Slow's still on the scene , or not a very long or serious one has it or ?
> 
> Personally l wouldn't lay anything on anyone so soon unless we are a "thing" , apart from a few skimming details maybe !


Oh slow never goes away.. hes been friend zoned by me... 

The future mr unsure and I are gf/bf.. that was confirmed right before stuff happened
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Uh hu. Well l wouldn't be discouraged then at all actually. He'll probably loosen up much much more over time .


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Oh slow never goes away..


Lol. Is he still trying to get at you, Unsure?


----------



## vi_bride04

Parole hat keeps trying to reach out to me, he got a new number I guess. Ignored the first attempt of contact 3 weeks ago, he tried calling again on Sunday. Looks like its time to block him. Oh and planB hat keeps wanting to try to get me to go out last min. Ya know, like "hey what are you doing tonight, feel like doing xyz?" at 4:30pm on a work night. After not hearing from him for over a week. 

Where is respect now adays? Geez.


----------



## Jellybeans

UGH, Vi. Yeah, block Parole hat. As for Plan B, text him back saying "I like advance warning if we are going to ask out. You have to give me about a week or a couple of days to plan accordingly."


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> UGH, Vi. Yeah, block Parole hat. As for Plan B, text him back saying "I like advance warning if we are going to ask out. You have to give me about a week or a couple of days to plan accordingly."


To be honest, I need to just tell him I'm over it. I really like disc golf and the flakiness of PlanB has turned me off more than anything since he came back wanting to date me. If you want to date me, date me! Don't be wishy washy for over a month, barely making plans and when you do, always seem to have an escape route ready - nothing ever concrete. "Well maybe we can do this or that" or "We'll figure it out later" or "I think this day may be good for me let me get back with you". UGH!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> the flakiness of PlanB has turned me off more than anything since he came back wanting to date me. If you want to date me, date me! Don't be wishy washy for over a month, barely making plans and when you do, always seem to have an escape route ready - nothing ever concrete.


:iagree: It's a total turn off. May serve you best just to tell him straight up.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Lol. Is he still trying to get at you, Unsure?


I have absolutely no idea..its slow hat the most confusing guy in the world..lol

Don't really care either right now...


----------



## bandit.45

My back is sore.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bandit.45 said:


> My back is sore.


From your date?


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> From your date?


Yep.

Shhhhhhheeeeeewwwwwww.......... hurts. Bandito doesn't bounce back like he used to.


----------



## Disenchanted

How did you hurt your back Bandit?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> How did you hurt your back Bandit?


Not all of us are athletic studmuffins like you pal. Big dudes like me have alot to carry around on their spines. 

But it was worth the pain. I need to take up Tai Chi or something.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Bandito doesn't bounce back like he used to.


:rofl: The young woman wore you out, huh? 

I told you you were going to get it.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: The young woman wore you out, huh?
> 
> I told you you were going to get it.


Yeah. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew. 

Well, no...I didn't bite her....too much...


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Not all of us are athletic studmuffins like you pal. Big dudes like me have alot to carry around on their spines.
> 
> But it was worth the pain. I need to take up Tai Chi or something.


Oh come on! DETAILS!

Anyway I get the gist, good for you, I'm super glad for you. At least for me, that first time was super therapeutic, best thing that happened to me after dday.

Congratulations. So you gonna see her again?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Oh come on! DETAILS!
> 
> Anyway I get the gist, good for you, I'm super glad for you. At least for me, that first time was super therapeutic, best thing that happened to me after dday.
> 
> Congratulations. So you gonna see her again?


Gentlemen don't tell tales.....

Yeah I'm going to see her again. She invited me over to her house this Friday for dinner. But I don't think its really for dinner.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> She invited me over to her house this Friday for dinner. But I don't think its really for dinner.


:rofl:

I don't think it's for dinner either, Bandit.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bandit.45 said:


> Gentlemen don't tell tales.....
> 
> Yeah I'm going to see her again. She invited me over to her house this Friday for dinner. But I don't think its really for dinner.


Maybe you should take some Aleve before you meet up with her. Try to head the pain off at the pass!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I don't think it's for dinner either, Bandit.


Oh, I don't know - seems like they are going to need some nourishment and energy for the 'desert'!


----------



## bandit.45

I was running low on fluids before the date was over. I need to bring some Smartwater with me next time.


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> Maybe you should take some Aleve before you meet up with her. Try to head the pain off at the pass!


LOL! Yep! 

I have some Valium left over from my surgery. Maybe I'll pop one along with my blue pill....:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

So funny, Bandit!

So what is your assessment now/how do you feel about the age difference now, after that date?


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> i have some valium left over from my surgery. Maybe i'll pop one


nnoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> So funny, Bandit!
> 
> So what is your assessment now/how do you feel about the age difference now, after that date?



It's scary. I have to admit. She is charming and wickedly smart and we have a lot in common. But the age difference does weigh on my mind. 

If...and that's a big IF.... this relationship goes anywhere, getting over the age difference would be a huge challenge. I came from a whole different generation....music, clothing, slang, politics.... than her, and that could be a problem. 

So for now I'm just going to guard my heart and enjoy the ride.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> nnoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yeah, knowing me I'd fall asleep right in the middle of it...


----------



## Jellybeans

Double nooooooooooooooooooooo!


----------



## bandit.45

Does valium destroy erections? 

Seriously I don't know... tell me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Anything that will put you asleep during sexy time is a HELL NO. 

Do not do it. If you want to "do it." LOL.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Does valium destroy erections?
> 
> Seriously I don't know... tell me.


No idea but they gave it to me during my V. I didn't pop a wood for that.

It does, however, kill your enthusiasm. Not a good recipe I don't think.


----------



## COGypsy

Valium is a central nervous system depressant. It doesn't treat pain, it is used for anxiety and insomnia. I would put it at the very very bottom of a list of sex-compatible pharma products.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I'm more surprised that anyone's surprised at RD's wishy-washyness. It is par for the course.
> 
> It's clear he isn't looking to lock anything down. In fact, he wants the opposite.


Actually, last year I was only dating one at a time, and I only started multi-dating this year. And as for this year, my 2 FWBs were decent, until one developed feelings and the other wanted to date again.

As for my next date, she was great, then she decided she can't continue while I'm still undivorced. So I started looking again, and found two more dates, one sounding rather desperate for sex (hence my hesitation), and the other I just met.

So to put it on simpler terms:
#1: Broke it off cause of my marital 'status'
#2: Desperate and rather clingy - even if she became a FWB she may develop emotions like one of the last FWBs
#3: Just met

In the end, I only really have #3 with mutual interest, so I'll go find #4, and reset my options back to 2!  I'm already getting confused juggling all of them at once! Just trying to make it simpler!


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> I have absolutely no idea..its slow hat the most confusing guy in the world..lol
> 
> Don't really care either right now...


But you'll have to get rid of him now though or it'll start messing with bf.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> To be honest, I need to just tell him I'm over it. I really like disc golf and the flakiness of PlanB has turned me off more than anything since he came back wanting to date me. If you want to date me, date me! Don't be wishy washy for over a month, barely making plans and when you do, always seem to have an escape route ready - nothing ever concrete. "Well maybe we can do this or that" or "We'll figure it out later" or "I think this day may be good for me let me get back with you". UGH!!!!!



Give him the boots my vote. You know like wooshy washy just translates to l'm not sure about you . l guess it does depend on what a persons looking for but if it's a relationship then - l'm not sure about you is bs, no way good enough !


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Gentlemen don't tell tales.....
> 
> Yeah I'm going to see her again. She invited me over to her house this Friday for dinner. But I don't think its really for dinner.



Desert :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> So funny, Bandit!
> 
> So what is your assessment now/how do you feel about the age difference now, after that date?




Exactly . We need pages and pages on age difference so l can study up :scratchhead:


----------



## caladan

What a thread....!


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> What a thread....!


LOL sure is 
Welcome to the single TAMers crowd!


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> It's scary. I have to admit. She is charming and wickedly smart and we have a lot in common. But the age difference does weigh on my mind.
> 
> If...and that's a big IF.... this relationship goes anywhere, getting over the age difference would be a huge challenge. I came from a whole different generation....music, clothing, slang, politics.... than her, and that could be a problem.
> 
> So for now I'm just going to guard my heart and enjoy the ride.



Haha keep talkin Bandit :scratchhead: See this is the thing , right now l just wanna go back to 32 soooo bad . Thank God l have my daughter this wk so l'm house bound on things love life 
Because l don't get the guard our heart thing , like l dunno how to do that when it just takes on a life of it's own.
Me and 32 are just the same in most ways so there's not really an age gap thing but on the other hand there are numbers so l spose that is a gap . 

So on the logical side , if l get into anything new l just wanna be comfortable in it you know, like l don't wanna go through life feeling any sh!t . But the numbers themselves are really bugging me . 
There's nothing else to think about but those fkg numbers , they do bug me.

Funny thing l had an interstate sale last wk and delivery . Nicest people , wish all customers were like them.
Such a classic couple . been together 35yrs , he was 80 now and she was 61. He was that damn jump about and agile , happy , lively . But geez they were so close , you just felt it , saw it , they just beamed around each other. She'd know she's gonna lose him first though of course but hey , these guys had had a great life , all their stories and stuff they'd done . They owned vine yards and motels .

l dunno !


----------



## whitehawk

Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all , isn't that the saying


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Actually, last year I was only dating one at a time, and I only started multi-dating this year. And as for this year, my 2 FWBs were decent, until one developed feelings and the other wanted to date again.
> 
> As for my next date, she was great, then she decided she can't continue while I'm still undivorced. So I started looking again, and found two more dates, one sounding rather desperate for sex (hence my hesitation), and the other I just met.
> 
> So to put it on simpler terms:
> #1: Broke it off cause of my marital 'status'
> #2: Desperate and rather clingy - even if she became a FWB she may develop emotions like one of the last FWBs
> #3: Just met
> 
> In the end, I only really have #3 with mutual interest, so I'll go find #4, and reset my options back to 2!  I'm already getting confused juggling all of them at once! Just trying to make it simpler!



Me , l just wanna get rid of all this 2 and 3 stuff , it's fkg with my head too much.
lt's not even my thing anyway l dunno how l got myself into it . l'm not a player never have been . l think it's date sites .

l dunno , one minute you have no one , then you find one you like , or maybe 2 or 3 because you think most of them won't even answer anyway but sometimes they do all answer or meanwhile one or two email you.
So next minute when you were hoping for one , you've wound up with 3 or 4. Texting, calls, meeting and somehow it's all gotten complicated.

l think l better stay of the fkg thing and stick to the real world maybe .


----------



## bandit.45

My back can't handle more than one gal at a time. Ooooooh.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Haha keep talkin Bandit :scratchhead: See this is the thing , right now l just wanna go back to 32 soooo bad . Thank God l have my daughter this wk so l'm house bound on things love life
> Because l don't get the guard our heart thing , like l dunno how to do that when it just takes on a life of it's own.
> Me and 32 are just the same in most ways so there's not really an age gap thing but on the other hand there are numbers so l spose that is a gap .
> 
> So on the logical side , if l get into anything new l just wanna be comfortable in it you know, like l don't wanna go through life feeling any sh!t . But the numbers themselves are really bugging me .
> There's nothing else to think about but those fkg numbers , they do bug me.
> 
> Funny thing l had an interstate sale last wk and delivery . Nicest people , wish all customers were like them.
> Such a classic couple . been together 35yrs , he was 80 now and she was 61. He was that damn jump about and agile , happy , lively . But geez they were so close , you just felt it , saw it , they just beamed around each other. She'd know she's gonna lose him first though of course but hey , these guys had had a great life , all their stories and stuff they'd done . They owned vine yards and motels .
> 
> l dunno !


I dwell on the same thoughts. 

But then those thoughts are intruded upon by the memory of looking down at her beautiful hips and flawless back and.....


Oh. Sorry. Got carried away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I dwell on the same thoughts.
> 
> But then those thoughts are intruded upon by the memory of looking down at her beautiful hips and flawless back and.....
> 
> 
> Oh. Sorry. Got carried away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Happens to the best of us, darn women with their trance they put us in lol


----------



## bandit.45

900 pages!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Happens to the best of us, darn women with their trance they put us in lol


You got that right. Women are like crack, heroin and pistachios all rolled into one addictive brew.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Having read quite a few strange dating stories in this thread - I now think I have y'all beat. 

Got a call from someone I dated quite a while back (this has been happening to me A LOT lately - starting to freak me out!) We chatted, and he was was being very flirtatious. Then he drops this bomb:

"My only regret I never received the privilege of having sex with you." 

And I remind him we DID have sex. Several times. Long pause. "I apologize - I've had a few drinks tonight after abstaining for quite some time. I remember now. I'm sorry."

WTF?! Half of me thinks he is crazy, and the other half is like, "Wow, I must be terrible in bed." Guess I'll have to find somebody slightly more/less terrible and we can have many sessions of practice! :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Ouch


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> "My only regret I never received the privilege of having sex with you."
> 
> And I remind him we DID have sex. Several times. Long pause. "I apologize - I've had a few drinks tonight after abstaining for quite some time. I remember now. I'm sorry."
> 
> WTF?!



Omg. WHAT A NUT! It wasn't that yo uwere bad in bed, it's that he's an idiot. But yes, next time date a guy who remembers SEX! LOL. Goodness, be glad you're not dating that guy anymore. How odd!

And see...what I was telling Vi....they ALWAYS come back! SHEESH!






bandit.45 said:


> I dwell on the same thoughts.
> 
> But then those thoughts are intruded upon by the memory of looking down at her beautiful hips and flawless back and.....
> 
> 
> Oh. Sorry. Got carried away.


:smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

I met someone at a wedding who gave me a big hug and said 'Hiiiiiiii' and I said to my friend 'who the hell was that?' and she said 'It's xxx, you've had sex with him more than once'


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl:

I remember sex with every lover I've had. (Eventhough sometimes I wish I could forget it.) :slap:


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I remember sex with every lover I've had. (Eventhough sometimes I wish I could forget it.) :slap:


I only think fondly of the good ones, I try not to think about the bad ones. Makes me bleh =/ Still I remember >.<
As for bravenewworld, I think the case with her ex is just alcohol! It does make you say stupid and senseless things you know!

Heh would be funny if I said something like that to my ex, would have given her a priceless WTF face back in the day


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I remember sex with every lover I've had. (Eventhough sometimes I wish I could forget it.) :slap:


Me, too. I forget dates sometimes, but not lovers.


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> Me, too. I forget dates sometimes, but not lovers.


I think I need to forget some dates. There are some lovers too that I wish I didn't remember.


----------



## Another Planet

I have been having sex since I was like 14-15yrs old and I have never gone more then 1yr without since but I can count the women on one hand, granted that hand is full but still I prefer it that way. Quality over quantity, having a lot of partners is just to risky now a days and being on Match proved that in spades to me. The women I talked to that after some time informed me what diseases they had...no thanks! :/ sorry but sex is not worth the rest of my life...
OH and babies 0_o no more babies coming out of this guy!!! No more baby mommas!!!!


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> I have been having sex since I was like 14-15yrs old and I have never gone more then 1yr without since but I can count the women on one hand, granted that hand is full but still I prefer it that way. Quality over quantity, having a lot of partners is just to risky now a days and being on Match proved that in spades to me. The women I talked to that after some time informed me what diseases they had...no thanks! :/ sorry but sex is not worth the rest of my life...
> OH and babies 0_o no more babies coming out of this guy!!! No more baby mommas!!!!


You might want to consider getting snipped. Double-bagging isn't fail-safe.

I'm more of an ******* person myself, but I met the ex on match, a long time ago in a galazy far, far away...


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> You might want to consider getting snipped. Double-bagging isn't fail-safe.
> 
> I'm more of an ******* person myself, but I met the ex on match, a long time ago in a galazy far, far away...


I am going to sometime this spring. I met my current GF or whatever she is from Match. She has the IUD but I still wrap it up.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I have been having sex since I was like 14-15yrs old and I have never gone more then 1yr without since but I can count the women on one hand, granted that hand is full but still I prefer it that way. Quality over quantity, having a lot of partners is just to risky now a days and being on Match proved that in spades to me. The women I talked to that after some time informed me what diseases they had...no thanks! :/ sorry but sex is not worth the rest of my life...
> OH and babies 0_o no more babies coming out of this guy!!! No more baby mommas!!!!



How did you meet Bleacher AP ?


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> How did you meet Bleacher AP ?


Match.


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> But you'll have to get rid of him now though or it'll start messing with bf.


Thanks for the concern whitehawk i promise ill be ok...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Match.



Of all times to ask when it pops up right above there , l asked it while still on the previous page :scratchhead:.

But anyway , l thought she was through a friend that's all .
So have you closed your membership now or ?
Don't want any pretty surprises in the old inbox tempting you


----------



## ne9907

Went on a date last night to watch the lunar eclipse, it was very fun!


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Of all times to ask when it's right above there but l actually asked it while still on the previous page :scratchhead:.
> 
> But anyway , l thought she was through a friend that's all .
> So have you closed your membership now or ?
> Don't want any pretty surprises in the old inbox tempting you


Ehh no big deal buddy 

Nope she was from Match. Yes I turned off my profile a couple weeks ago and turned off auto renew. Not just because of her though, I think I was done with it anyway. 
No surprises or temptations, anyone I was talking to I told them I was getting involved with someone a little more serious and was turning off my profile. Some asked "but why?!? " and others just thanked me for letting them know.


----------



## unsure78

.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I have been having sex since I was like 14-15yrs old and I have never gone more then 1yr without since but I can count the women on one hand, granted that hand is full but still I prefer it that way. Quality over quantity, having a lot of partners is just to risky now a days and being on Match proved that in spades to me. The women I talked to that after some time informed me what diseases they had...no thanks! :/ sorry but sex is not worth the rest of my life...
> OH and babies 0_o no more babies coming out of this guy!!! No more baby mommas!!!!


I could lose 6 fingers and still count all of mine. I could even remember all of their names so long as it wasn't the fingers I had their names tattooed on. (I kid)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

OK. So weekend got a little crazy......started out on a rooftop bar for happy hour across the street from the office. Did not make it home. Had to sleep at a friend's......naked....on a couch. ([email protected] you tequila)

BUT, craziest thing. I ended up with one of those herbal viagras in my pocket. (I have no idea how, and yes the night was insane) So, me and the gf decide to live on the edge and see what would happen............HOLY CRAP.........

I have never in this life experience crazy, insane, just pure exhausting sex like that. I'm talking massive orgasms and absolutely not having to stop. I swear gf is going to have to replace her mattress. It was soaked. Woke up in the morning, did it again. She is looking at me different. Texting me that she is cranky today because she needs more. lol

First time for everything....Here's to doing new things! ....:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

Dedicated2Her said:


> OK. So weekend got a little crazy......started out on a rooftop bar for happy hour across the street from the office. Did not make it home. Had to sleep at a friend's......naked....on a couch. ([email protected] you tequila)
> 
> BUT, craziest thing. I ended up with one of those herbal viagras in my pocket. (I have no idea how, and yes the night was insane) So, me and the gf decide to live on the edge and see what would happen............HOLY CRAP.........
> 
> I have never in this life experience crazy, insane, just pure exhausting sex like that. I'm talking massive orgasms and absolutely not having to stop. I swear gf is going to have to replace her mattress. It was soaked. Woke up in the morning, did it again. She is looking at me different. Texting me that she is cranky today because she needs more. lol
> 
> First time for everything....Here's to doing new things! ....:smthumbup:



Okay, are you gonna share the brand and make of that stuff with the rest of us guys?


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> Okay, are you gonna share the brand and make of that stuff with the rest of us guys?


Didn't you have heart surgery not too long ago, Bandit? I'd stay far, far away from unregulated stimulants if I were you....far, far away. Most performance enhancing herbals that you buy next to the cash register at the gas station are just herbal stimulants. They have all kinds of "proprietary blends" that just mean they don't have to tell anybody what's in it or how much or how long it might last. And since herbal supplements aren't regulated by anybody, there's no standardization for strength or purity. 

They aren't the smartest option for anybody, but if you have any kind of a heart condition, they're a really, really poor option.


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> OK. So weekend got a little crazy......started out on a rooftop bar for happy hour across the street from the office. Did not make it home. Had to sleep at a friend's......naked....on a couch. ([email protected] you tequila)
> 
> BUT, craziest thing. I ended up with one of those herbal viagras in my pocket. (I have no idea how, and yes the night was insane) So, me and the gf decide to live on the edge and see what would happen............HOLY CRAP.........
> 
> I have never in this life experience crazy, insane, just pure exhausting sex like that. I'm talking massive orgasms and absolutely not having to stop. I swear gf is going to have to replace her mattress. It was soaked. Woke up in the morning, did it again. She is looking at me different. Texting me that she is cranky today because she needs more. lol
> 
> First time for everything....Here's to doing new things! ....:smthumbup:


That sounds like one of those cookie cutter testimonials you read in the back of porno mags LOL


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> That sounds like one of those cookie cutter testimonials you read in the back of porno mags LOL


I know, man. AND, as "natural" as I about my diet, etc., I normally would steer totally clear. I just thought it would be fun just to "try". Well, I think I created something.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

COGypsy said:


> Didn't you have heart surgery not too long ago, Bandit? I'd stay far, far away from unregulated stimulants if I were you....far, far away. Most performance enhancing herbals that you buy next to the cash register at the gas station are just herbal stimulants. They have all kinds of "proprietary blends" that just mean they don't have to tell anybody what's in it or how much or how long it might last. And since herbal supplements aren't regulated by anybody, there's no standardization for strength or purity.
> 
> They aren't the smartest option for anybody, but if you have any kind of a heart condition, they're a really, really poor option.


And, I agree with this. It was a weekend of "living dangerously". AND, I did it right.


----------



## bandit.45

Buzzkills.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> Buzzkills.


LOL. It isn't good for you. BUT, it was freaking fun.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> LOL. It isn't good for you. BUT, it was freaking fun.


Sometimes its good to be bad.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I cant believe that stuff actually WORKED! Do share what it was, Dis!


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> I cant believe that stuff actually WORKED! Do share what it was, Dis!


Spill it D2H.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> I cant believe that stuff actually WORKED! Do share what it was, Dis!


It was called "Real Skill". I have a friend who has a online sex store (I know, we tease him but he makes 3k in profit from it per month in addition to his other ventures), and he said to try it. It was so dang weird. I took it, then about an hour later we were kissing in the kitchen. (just flirtations pecks and such) And, oh my goodness. Let's just put it this way....my abs are still sore. (and I do tons of core work athletically)

They say it is supposed to keep that effect for 36 hours. Not sure about that. I was done by 18 hours. Maybe I overdid it.


----------



## Disenchanted

Dedicated2Her said:


> my abs are still sore


Lol I work the ab machine HARD at the gym, crunching 180 lbs, 2 sets of 25. But that has nothing on my "supplemental" workout regimen. My four pack has recently transformed into a six pack, woot woot.

Never will this guy be in a sexless relationship again. hehehe


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> How does pride influence your relationships? Is pride a good enough reason to walk away from the love of your life?
> How about stubborness?
> 
> I am in a semi happy state. I am moving on with my life, I do want to try again with ex husband, do I miss him? sure. But the thought of trying again scares me to death, do I feel he is the love of my life? Yes.
> 
> Do I feel that I will find someone to share the rest of my life with? no.
> 
> ex sent me an email that spined my carefully walled world. It seems he is always reaching out to me, when I am finding happiness in my life as a person.
> I know you have told me plenty of times to block him, but I cannot do it.
> In my heart of hearts, I believe him to be a good person. Just makes me terribly sad that we had to end our marriage, I could not drive myself crazy anymore by being ignored and disrespected in our marriage. I could not do it before, and I do not wish to put myself in that position anymore.
> Here is what he sent me:
> 
> 
> "I wish we both were not so stubborn and strong willed. I wish you could see how much I love you and forget about the past or let go of it and move forward in the present. I dont know if we are meant to reunite or what. I have to think what we had was special. A once in a lifetime love, a soul mate. I wish for my friend. You have had a while now to figure out, yes or no. Do you see yourself happier with me or without?
> 
> Dont answer just think it through.
> 
> I wish I didnt feel betrayed by you telling me love wasnt good enough for you anymore. I wish you hadnt vent everything about us to people, i felt betrayed by you. I wish I didnt hurt you. I wish we both could be sorry and work towards a common ground.
> 
> I wish I knew if we let each other in again, you wouldnt run off when things got hard."


Ne, you cannot go there. When he does stuff like this, just step away. Its nothing but words. Has he not sucked away enough of your energy and your light?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> Spill it D2H.


Oops wrong D! Sorry!


----------



## Lon

ne, you alone are responsible for making your own choices and protecting your heart and your will. When someone shows they are capable of abusing your trust in them and you realize that they just won't or can't overcome not being what you need in a partner, what else can you do but distance yourself and put them in a more suitable compartment? It is called "irreconcilable differences" for just that reason.


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> Oops wrong D! Sorry!


Nice to know what's on your mind there 3X! wink wink wink


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> How does pride influence your relationships? Is pride a good enough reason to walk away from the love of your life?
> How about stubborness?
> 
> I am in a semi happy state. I am moving on with my life, I do want to try again with ex husband, do I miss him? sure. But the thought of trying again scares me to death, do I feel he is the love of my life? Yes.
> 
> Do I feel that I will find someone to share the rest of my life with? no.
> 
> ex sent me an email that spined my carefully walled world. It seems he is always reaching out to me, when I am finding happiness in my life as a person.
> I know you have told me plenty of times to block him, but I cannot do it.
> In my heart of hearts, I believe him to be a good person. Just makes me terribly sad that we had to end our marriage, I could not drive myself crazy anymore by being ignored and disrespected in our marriage. I could not do it before, and I do not wish to put myself in that position anymore.
> Here is what he sent me:
> 
> 
> "I wish we both were not so stubborn and strong willed. I wish you could see how much I love you and forget about the past or let go of it and move forward in the present. I dont know if we are meant to reunite or what. I have to think what we had was special. A once in a lifetime love, a soul mate. I wish for my friend. You have had a while now to figure out, yes or no. Do you see yourself happier with me or without?
> 
> Dont answer just think it through.
> 
> I wish I didnt feel betrayed by you telling me love wasnt good enough for you anymore. I wish you hadnt vent everything about us to people, i felt betrayed by you. I wish I didnt hurt you. I wish we both could be sorry and work towards a common ground.
> 
> I wish I knew if we let each other in again, you wouldnt run off when things got hard."



Ne there are many people who come and go thru out our lives... we learn something them move on

learn from the rest of our mistakes..... if an email from him still sends you into a tail spin... then you need to go NC or you will never get over him

nothing is worse than the hell of limbo


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> "I wish we both were not so stubborn and strong willed. I wish you could see how much I love you and *forget about the past *or let go of it and move forward in the present. I dont know if we are meant to reunite or what. I have to think what we had was special. A once in a lifetime love, a soul mate. I wish for my friend. You have had a while now to figure out, yes or no. Do you see yourself happier with me or without?
> 
> Dont answer just think it through.
> 
> I wish I didnt feel betrayed by you telling me love wasnt good enough for you anymore. I wish *you hadnt vent everything about us to people*, i felt betrayed by you. I wish I didnt hurt you. I wish we both could be sorry and work towards a common ground.
> 
> I wish I knew if we let each other in again, *you wouldnt run off *when things got hard."


I would have a hard time considering reconciliation with someone that was trying to convince me to come back by blaming me for leaving in the first place. Not really an attractive position to start from.


----------



## vi_bride04

COGypsy said:


> I would have a hard time considering reconciliation with someone that was trying to convince me to come back by blaming me for leaving in the first place. Not really an attractive position to start from.


Ne, COGypsy is so dead on with this post.

Re-read his message again. He is blaming you for the failure of the marriage, your inability to "get over things" and also how you "betrayed him"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!

Screw that guy. He wants to rugsweep and not accept responsibility. Why do you want someone like that?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Ne, COGypsy is so dead on with this post.
> 
> Re-read his message again. He is blaming you for the failure of the marriage, your inability to "get over things" and also how you "betrayed him"
> 
> ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!
> 
> Screw that guy. He wants to rugsweep and not accept responsibility. Why do you want someone like that?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> I would have a hard time considering reconciliation with someone that was trying to convince me to come back by blaming me for leaving in the first place. Not really an attractive position to start from.


it is just so very sad that sometimes we hurt people and do not mean to. He really is a wonderful person, so sad we ended. 
But One day, we both will be much happier.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> How does pride influence your relationships? Is pride a good enough reason to walk away from the love of your life?
> How about stubborness?
> 
> I am in a semi happy state. I am moving on with my life, I do want to try again with ex husband, do I miss him? sure. But the thought of trying again scares me to death, do I feel he is the love of my life? Yes.
> 
> Do I feel that I will find someone to share the rest of my life with? no.
> 
> ex sent me an email that spined my carefully walled world. It seems he is always reaching out to me, when I am finding happiness in my life as a person.
> I know you have told me plenty of times to block him, but I cannot do it.
> In my heart of hearts, I believe him to be a good person. Just makes me terribly sad that we had to end our marriage, I could not drive myself crazy anymore by being ignored and disrespected in our marriage. I could not do it before, and I do not wish to put myself in that position anymore.
> Here is what he sent me:
> 
> 
> "I wish we both were not so stubborn and strong willed. I wish you could see how much I love you *VICTIM * and forget about the past or let go of it and move forward in the present. *VICTIM* I dont know if we are meant to reunite or what. I have to think what we had was special. A once in a lifetime love, a soul mate. I wish for my friend. *VICTIM*You have had a while now to figure out, yes or no. Do you see yourself happier with me or without?
> 
> Dont answer just think it through. *Passive aggressive manipulation*
> 
> I wish I didnt feel betrayed by you telling me love wasnt good enough for you anymore. *VICTIM* I wish you hadnt vent everything about us to people *VICTIM*, i felt betrayed by you. *VICTIM* I wish I didnt hurt you. *REGRET, BUT NO HUMBLENESS* I wish we both could be sorry and work towards a common ground. *ADMISSION OF NO REMORSE*
> 
> I wish I knew if we let each other in again, you wouldnt run off when things got hard. *VICTIM*"





> In my heart of hearts, I believe him to be a good person.


Your heart is a liar. You want to believe that, but it simply isn't true. You love the person you want him to be......not who he is.

Trust me on this. I've been there.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

ne9907 said:


> But One day, we both will be much happier.


I'm going to be very frank with you right here ne............

This is your decision. Be happy................today. Do the actions, the emotion will follow.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne9907 - Babygirl, I wish I could hug you. Respond from your heart, whenever you want to (or don't respond if you don't want to).

All I know is divorce is fvcked up and this lingering feeling you both have is normal. 



ne9907 said:


> it is just so very sad that sometimes we hurt people and do not mean to.




Reminds me of this: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWDUvECO7Do


----------



## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> I'm going to be very frank with you right here ne............
> 
> This is your decision. Be happy................today. Do the actions, the emotion will follow.


Absolute truth.


----------



## caladan

I have no words.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> Your heart is a liar. You want to believe that, but it simply isn't true. You love the person you want him to be......not who he is.
> 
> Trust me on this. I've been there.


:iagree: He is NOT a wonderful person, if he was, then you would not have gone through the divorce.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne9907 - Babygirl, I wish I could hug you. Respond from your heart, whenever you want to (or don't respond if you don't want to).
> 
> All I know is divorce is fvcked up and this lingering feeling you both have is normal.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Reminds me of this:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWDUvECO7Do



I am not responding. Not now anyway, I need to think logically.

And yes, Do happy.. emotions will follow. 
Thank you all.


----------



## vi_bride04

I feel very agitated today. And I seem to be spitting lava towards anything having to do with relationships.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> "I wish we both were not so stubborn and strong willed. I wish you could see how much I love you and forget about the past or let go of it and move forward in the present. I dont know if we are meant to reunite or what. I have to think what we had was special. A once in a lifetime love, a soul mate. I wish for my friend. You have had a while now to figure out, yes or no. Do you see yourself happier with me or without?
> 
> *Dont answer just think it through.*
> 
> I wish I didnt feel betrayed by you telling me love wasnt good enough for you anymore. I wish you hadnt vent everything about us to people, i felt betrayed by you. I wish I didnt hurt you. I wish we both could be sorry and work towards a common ground.
> 
> I wish I knew if we let each other in again, you wouldnt run off when things got hard."


Ne - can't imagine getting a note like this. My ex likes to pretend he was never married and I don't exist at all, which hurts in a different (and I suspect, easier to move on) way.

Obviously whatever decision you make is yours and yours alone but as an impartial observer I'd like to point out two things that really stood out to me:

1) The "I wish I didn't feel this way" seems like hardcore blameshifting. He is the only person who has the power to control how he feels. When healthy people don't like the way they feel, they see a therapist - not blame others. 

2) The line I bolded seems extremely manipulative - like he knows he is losing you and trying to get some "footing" and control. A person truly interested in building a different partnership dynamic would not attempt to control how you process the above information. 

Hugs and as others have said - do you gurl! :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> I feel very agitated today. And I seem to be spitting lava towards anything having to do with relationships.


I am feeling the same, something in the air for sure. Feeling especially agitated at these guys coming out of the woodwork trying to contact me. 

Common sense says it's flattering but it's almost like I feel the opposite - as though no one likes the "real me." Or maybe I just don't like the real them and I'm projecting.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> Omg. WHAT A NUT! It wasn't that yo uwere bad in bed, it's that he's an idiot. But yes, next time date a guy who remembers SEX! LOL. Goodness, be glad you're not dating that guy anymore. How odd!
> 
> And see...what I was telling Vi....they ALWAYS come back! SHEESH!
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup:


Thanks JB that made me laugh! He did sound sloshed but um have a little self respect guy. Getting drunk and calling/saying stuff like that to people you haven't seen in months reeks of desperation. 

Not going to lie - it stung. Wondered if he was trying to "neg" me pickup artist style. Thank God I'm going through a selfish phase and my second thought was, hey at least I had fun. 

I'm starting to think there's very few kind, sane, and fun people out there. 97% seem to be nut jobs OR take themselves way too seriously.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Ne - can't imagine getting a note like this. My ex likes to pretend he was never married and I don't exist at all, which hurts in a different (and I suspect, easier to move on) way.
> 
> Your ex to eh , it's not very nice is it
> l'm pretty sure mines taken some mind crap and the last 18yrs didn't even happen.
> Apparently our huge life is just some new acquaintance that's just appeared since now and l somehow just happen to be my daughters dad. Like a new neighbour when you've moved - that's our 18yrs .


----------



## Another Planet

You guys almost make me feel bad about separating myself from my exwife and ignoring her as much as possible considering the situation...but then I remember she's a lying cheating ***** who even to this day still lives to ruin my life and then I don't give a **** again and would love to see her burn in hell


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> You guys almost make me feel bad about separating myself from my exwife and ignoring her as much as possible considering the situation...but then I remember she's a lying cheating ***** who even to this day still lives to ruin my life and then I don't give a **** again and would love to see her burn in hell


Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine? 

I understand and think it's healthy for some to cut communication/move on but in my case after I told my ex I was leaving (over Skype no less, he was visiting his gf out of the country when I found the affair evidence) he completed ignored me - would not take my phone calls, texts, and ignored any email of a personal nature. 

There was absolutely no closure. My last memory of "us" is me blowing kisses and pretending to chase the cab as he pulled away for his "business" trip. 

I have not laid eyes on nor heard from him since.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I heard someone say this at work a while back and it's true...

"Life is like an elevator.. on your way up, sometimes you have to stop and let some people off."


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I feel very agitated today. And I seem to be spitting lava towards anything having to do with relationships.


I am with you on that as well today VI...I have wisely chosen to vent to my bff gf today and not the target of me being pissy... I have remained silent on that front...

All I can say is that my crappy marriage and subsequent realtionships have turned me, who was the most tolerant individual putting up with crap and being all about my partners happiness, into a very impatient girl. Who if my needs arent being satisfied im immediately thinking of bailing. ... hmmm I think my pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. .. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I am with you on that as well today VI...I have wisely chosen to vent to my bff gf today and not the target of my pissy... I have remained silent on that front...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Must just be one of those days. Got a date Friday with disc golf (he was very upfront and direct with scheduling it - love that!!!) which is nice but isn't making me feel any better. I blew up at a chat friend today taking some nasty mean jabs cutting them down pretty hard and have been feeling crappy ever since. 

I feel like I never want to get close to anyone ever again. Don't feel like playing stupid games, don't feel like being vulnerable or opening myself up. Just feel I do better at casual, fun friendships and not anything meaningful and really letting someone get to know me. *shurgs* I don't know, feeling apathetic again.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Must just be one of those days. Got a date Friday with disc golf (he was very upfront and direct with scheduling it - love that!!!) which is nice but isn't making me feel any better. I blew up at a chat friend today taking some nasty mean jabs cutting them down pretty hard and have been feeling crappy ever since.
> 
> I feel like I never want to get close to anyone ever again. Don't feel like playing stupid games, don't feel like being vulnerable or opening myself up. Just feel I do better at casual, fun friendships and not anything meaningful and really letting someone get to know me. *shurgs* I don't know, feeling apathetic again.


It may just take some time VI...if you really like him stick it though for a bit
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> It may just take some time VI...if you really like him stick it though for a bit
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do like him. I am just scared to fvck it up or get hurt. The fear is enough to make me stay away from any meaningful relationships for life. No matter how "lonely" I feel. I am getting used to being by myself and very comfortable with it. Don't want to fvck that up and make life more complicated by trying to get close to someone again. I don't know where this fear is coming from today. I honestly just want to run away from everything.


----------



## vi_bride04

And as I sit here typing this I realize I really don't have anyone to confide in like this but you guys.

And now I'm balling my eyes out.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> And as I sit here typing this I realize I really don't have anyone to confide in like this but you guys.
> 
> And now I'm balling my eyes out.


 That's what we're here for Vi  The best crew on TAM!


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm blaming PMS and my new birth control schedule....f'in hormones


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> You guys almost make me feel bad about separating myself from my exwife and ignoring her as much as possible .
> 
> 
> Nah , totally different sitch AP , who could blame ya.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> And as I sit here typing this I realize I really don't have anyone to confide in like this but you guys.
> 
> And now I'm balling my eyes out.



Yeah pretty well the same here but hey , that's what we're here for Vi right . We can all stumble through this crap together right here on the Rat's monster :rofl:

Actually l think the Eclipse is messing with the girls round here too . Never know , all this planet stuff , could be :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

l soooo need to get some 32 stuff outa my head . Don't be surprised if you rock up to a 3 pager any second now , by yours truly guys :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Must be something in the air today, ladies. Prickly here too.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Vi, it's not that you don't have anyone in your life to listen. It's just that we have all had the same struggles or a version of it.

It's OK to bawl your eyes out - it's a necessary release.  I'd get you a tissue and joke about your mascara making raccoon eyes if I were there.  OK maybe 3 tissues. And hormones are nasty things. Guys have NO idea. Mine have always been pretty stable but all of a sudden they are out of whack and I'm teary over a facebook post about animal rescue. 

Scary is good. It means you are finally opening up a little. We all shut down for a bit and this means you are finally REALLY on the upswing.  You are human, not a robot. Pressing outward on your self-imposed limits is scary but also liberating. it's like a new chick being exposed to air for the first time - cold and wet but exhilarating all at the same time. 

You won't fall apart. You are stronger than you ever thought.


----------



## unsure78

Enjoli is right....you are stronger than you ever thought. ... and its ok to vent here, the group of people that I have become friends with on tam are now my main support group (not just this thread)...geography doesn't limit friendships, this way you are picking the best people from all over for support 

I trully have several people from here that are my rocks...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

EnjoliWoman said:


> You are human, not a robot. Pressing outward on your self-imposed limits is scary but also liberating. it's like a new chick being exposed to air for the first time - cold and wet but exhilarating all at the same time.
> 
> You won't fall apart. You are stronger than you ever thought.


I needed to hear this today too, so thank you. And thanks to the TAM crew for being a safe space to vent coupled with a few whacks of a "clue by four" when necessary. 

Vi - I'm in such a similar space. My close friends, though wonderful, haven't gone through divorce and can't relate. Plus I have a sneaky suspicion they are sick of hearing it.

I cried last night too for the first time in ages. I have a feeling we are harder on ourselves than necessary.....


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride, it's nice being vulnerable, it allows you to feel alive... it hurts though sometimes

Personally I miss being vulnerable, it seems after a year of disappointment with dating I've become more and more desensitised to the point I've kinda lost the ability to feel much. Women have become numbers to me now... things don't work with one I just move on to the other one! 

Tis good... but also not good apparently, considering the whacking I'm recieving on TAM it seems for refering to my dates as numbers/options/spare tires >.<


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> And as I sit here typing this I realize I really don't have anyone to confide in like this but you guys.
> 
> And now I'm balling my eyes out.


We are here for each other.
I have been crying all day, even at work... ugh I hate it


----------



## RandomDude

So much crying today, what's up ladies?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Must be something in the air today, ladies. Prickly here too.


The day after a blood moon, of course there is.


----------



## COGypsy

Anybody up for happy news? I had a pre-op exam for my procedure next week. I had another abnormal Pap a few weeks ago so we did a biopsy at the same time in case they needed to excise tissue while they're in there. Good news is, no pre-cancer cells and no cancer cells! I still have to have my IUD changed in the OR, but no other procedures! Yay!!


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I am with you on that as well today VI...I have wisely chosen to vent to my bff gf today and not the target of me being pissy... I have remained silent on that front...
> 
> All I can say is that my crappy marriage and subsequent realtionships have turned me, who was the most tolerant individual putting up with crap and being all about my partners happiness, into a very impatient girl. Who if my needs arent being satisfied im immediately thinking of bailing. ... hmmm I think my pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nah. You just need a nice back rub.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> So much crying today, what's up ladies?



Damn planets


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Anybody up for happy news? I had a pre-op exam for my procedure next week. I had another abnormal Pap a few weeks ago so we did a biopsy at the same time in case they needed to excise tissue while they're in there. Good news is, no pre-cancer cells and no cancer cells! I still have to have my IUD changed in the OR, but no other procedures! Yay!!


That is great news. Glad to hear you're okay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> vi_bride, it's nice being vulnerable, it allows you to feel alive... it hurts though sometimes
> 
> Personally I miss being vulnerable, it seems after a year of disappointment with dating I've become more and more desensitised to the point I've kinda lost the ability to feel much. Women have become numbers to me now... things don't work with one I just move on to the other one!
> 
> Tis good... but also not good apparently, considering the whacking I'm recieving on TAM it seems for refering to my dates as numbers/options/spare tires >.<


I was where you are, RD a few months ago. Guys were nothing but objects to use for my enjoyment then I would never talk to them again. I really felt nothing. I do have to say, stopping the meaningless sex did help me refocus on myself. Maybe you should try it for a month? Never know, might start to figure out what you want in regards to the OS.

Maybe I am feeling vulnerable. But I'm by myself, with just my dog, its ok. I can't imagine acting like this in front of someone though. Having someone hug me to make me feel better and actually mean it? Huh? I really still can't compute that right now. The only hugs I have gotten in the past year have been from meaningless sex partners. I feel pretty lame for letting myself get to that point with guys and physical touch.


----------



## bandit.45

I want meaningless sex now. Never did before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I want meaningless sex now. Never did before.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah but you enjoy her company, find her attractive, etc etc etc

Mine was ONS, don't give a f* material....ugh gross


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> I was where you are, RD a few months ago. Guys were nothing but objects to use for my enjoyment then I would never talk to them again. I really felt nothing. I do have to say, stopping the meaningless sex did help me refocus on myself. Maybe you should try it for a month? Never know, might start to figure out what you want in regards to the OS.
> 
> Maybe I am feeling vulnerable. But I'm by myself, with just my dog, its ok. I can't imagine acting like this in front of someone though. Having someone hug me to make me feel better and actually mean it? Huh? I really still can't compute that right now. The only hugs I have gotten in the past year have been from meaningless sex partners. I feel pretty lame for letting myself get to that point with guys and physical touch.


Don't feel lame, everything we do define our uniqueness. We are human. Ican't link on my phone but Google a song "beneath you are beautiful"
It may make you cry but it's beautiful. I identify myself with this song, maybe ode day I will find someone that I can feel comfortable enough to let my walls down.
It's not an easy thing


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> How does pride influence your relationships? Is pride a good enough reason to walk away from the love of your life?
> How about stubborness?
> 
> I am in a semi happy state. I am moving on with my life, I do want to try again with ex husband, do I miss him? sure. But the thought of trying again scares me to death, do I feel he is the love of my life? Yes.
> 
> Do I feel that I will find someone to share the rest of my life with? no.
> 
> ex sent me an email that spined my carefully walled world. It seems he is always reaching out to me, when I am finding happiness in my life as a person.
> I know you have told me plenty of times to block him, but I cannot do it.
> In my heart of hearts, I believe him to be a good person. Just makes me terribly sad that we had to end our marriage, I could not drive myself crazy anymore by being ignored and disrespected in our marriage. I could not do it before, and I do not wish to put myself in that position anymore.
> Here is what he sent me:
> 
> 
> "I wish we both were not so stubborn and strong willed. I wish you could see how much I love you and forget about the past or let go of it and move forward in the present. I dont know if we are meant to reunite or what. I have to think what we had was special. A once in a lifetime love, a soul mate. I wish for my friend. You have had a while now to figure out, yes or no. Do you see yourself happier with me or without?
> 
> Dont answer just think it through.
> 
> I wish I didnt feel betrayed by you telling me love wasnt good enough for you anymore. I wish you hadnt vent everything about us to people, i felt betrayed by you. I wish I didnt hurt you. I wish we both could be sorry and work towards a common ground.
> 
> I wish I knew if we let each other in again, you wouldnt run off when things got hard."


You could be reading my own mind. I cried after reading your post. Be good to yourself, NE, whatever that means for you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Let's stop crying and giggle at this pic for a second. Then continue crying


----------



## bandit.45

Too much estrogen flooding through tonight. 

Goodnight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I am not responding. Not now anyway, I need to think logically.
> 
> And yes, Do happy.. emotions will follow.
> Thank you all.


Don't respond. He is wishing for a new outcome after rugsweeping. The stuff that happened would happen again. I understand your situation, but I think you have to be strong. You have a big heart, but don't let yourself forgive so easily that you are hurt again.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I feel very agitated today. And I seem to be spitting lava towards anything having to do with relationships.


Hang in there, vi!!


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I want meaningless sex now. Never did before.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I always want meaningless sex. I always want meaningful sex, too. Alas, can't seem to find a man I desire that can keep up with me!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> We are here for each other.
> I have been crying all day, even at work... ugh I hate it


Oh, I have a HUGE cry coming soon!  After all this crap I just went through in this last week with No Chem (there was more that I didnt talk about, more heartbreaking) I have barely cried, which is crazy out of character for me. I think the anger has been in control of me. But that cry is coming, it has tried a few times and I have managed to stop it. I am afraid that once it really starts, I wont be able to stop.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> The day after a blood moon, of course there is.


You may be right! I 100% believe the moon affects people. I work in pharmacy and see first hand what the full moon does to folks, so the blood moon theory would not surprise me!


----------



## Another Planet

It's like 3:30am here and just got back home...my abs are sore 
Ugh love spending time with her, still even now we can sit for hours and hours and just talk and hang out just us. It's to good, to easy I don't understand how this happens  ...it's so good but yet I feel there is a crucial piece of her puzzle I don't have yet that would let me be serious...something I feel I am missing :/...what is it?


----------



## RandomDude

Looks like #3 didn't pass the materialism test heh, now to find #4!

Maybe I should stay away from certain ethnicities from now on, the 80/20 compared to 20/80 ratio for gold diggers is too pronounced due to their culture.


----------



## whitehawk

But maybe not a bad thing though AP , it might be just time. A time for trust it thing before you can let go, give into it .
So good gets really scary , it can make us subconsciously worry the rugs pulled out. 

Unless it's instincts nagging inside something big's not right , that's what l get if it's a not right thing !


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Looks like #3 didn't pass the materialism test heh, now to find #4!
> 
> Maybe I should stay away from certain ethnicities from now on, the 80/20 compared to 20/80 ratio for gold diggers is too pronounced due to their culture.



Haha you got yourself some test sheets now RD . :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

I do, and they are BRUTAL lol

Surprisingly many dates so far passed, but over a year it seems a certain ethnicity consistently fail! I hate to stereotype but it's just too imbedded in their culture it seems! Oh well


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I want meaningful sex. 

A roll in the hay would be nice but I really am not into wham bam goodbye. I'd just end up feeling icky afterward and hating myself if that happened.

Need steady lover who I am attracted to over time who goes home afterward. I realize that sounds disconnected but in my mind, this lover and I have a zing! connection.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Well I want meaningful sex.
> 
> A roll in the hay would be nice but I really am not into wham bam goodbye. I'd just end up feeling icky afterward and hating myself if that happened.
> 
> Need steady lover who I am attracted to over time who goes home afterward. I realize that sounds disconnected but in my mind, this lover and I have a zing! connection.


How do you plan on meeting said lover if you are not putting yourself out there? It is now mid April. You have roughly 8 months to find a suitable partner, seven if you want something formed before Thanksgiving


----------



## whitehawk

Haha , why not RD. So materialism or ?
Don't flaunt it man or tell them anything much about what you own or earn. Tellem you work for your company not own it :rofl:
Me it's not an issue , that stuff turns me right off so it's just not the sort l even look at anyway .

l'm lucky in my tastes really , all the usual stuff is out the window. She'll be an original , different , not everyone's cup of tea . So it's all a bit of a bonus really .


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> How do you plan on meeting said lover if you are not putting yourself out there? It is now mid April. You have roughly 8 months to find a suitable partner, seven if you want something formed before Thanksgiving


I am fully aware of this and thank you for reminding me, personal calendar lady. LOL. 

I suppose I am not going to meet anyone at this rate. It's really disconcerting. Unless I start calling up past lovers. Which I am not sure is the best idea.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I am fully aware of this and thank you for reminding me, personal calendar lady. LOL.
> 
> I suppose I am not going to meet anyone at this rate. It's really disconcerting. Unless I start calling up past lovers. Which I am not sure is the best idea.


Well and what you are looking for is extremely hard to find. Sounds like you want an exclusive FWB situation? I mean it's not impossible to find but with how the dating scene works now adays I think you are going to have a hard time finding a guy not dating others unless it is more of a bf/gf situation and it sounds like you don't want that either.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Well and what you are looking for is extremely hard to find. Sounds like you want an exclusive FWB situation? I mean it's not impossible to find but with how the dating scene works now adays I think you are going to have a hard time finding a guy not dating others unless it is more of a bf/gf situation and it sounds like you don't want that either.



I don't think it is that far of a stretch, VI. Many guys are ok being exclusive bf/gf and going home afterwards. Not all of us are looking to get married.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't think it is that far of a stretch, VI. Many guys are ok being exclusive bf/gf and going home afterwards. Not all of us are looking to get married.


Oh I know, but it doesn't sound like JB wants a bf/gf relationship just a booty call...? But that's what she is describing seems more bf/gf type of a relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Sounds like you want an exclusive FWB situation?


Yeah..................When you say it like that...



Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't think it is that far of a stretch, VI. Many guys are ok being exclusive bf/gf and going home afterwards. Not all of us are looking to get married.


I WISH it were easy to find. And the "wants to go home afterward" is my ideal man. I don't want anyone around 24/7. I am very busy and simply don't have the time.



vi_bride04 said:


> Oh I know, but it doesn't sound like JB wants a bf/gf relationship just a booty call...? But that's what she is describing seems more bf/gf type of a relationship.


I like to call it a "lover" situation.

Ya know, I would make a great lover. Too bad I am not into married guys. Because a steady on the side between my hectic life is IDEAL. Just got to find him unmarried/unpartnered.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

It just has to be the right circumstances, JB. For me, coming out of a 13 year marriage where I spent 2 years trying to save it exhausted me. I like my alone time, but, I also enjoy my gf. Most of our time is spent when we both don't have kids. Basically, once/twice a week, and every other weekend. So, so, so, so....nice.

I do notice that a lot of guys want either a 'booty call' or a full fledged working towards marriage relationship. 15 months into my relationship, if my gf mentioned marriage, I would still run away. Just not doing it. NO.

I know a few guys like this. So, they are out there.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> It just has to be the right circumstances, JB.
> 
> I do notice that a lot of guys want either a 'booty call' or a full fledged working towards marriage relationship. 15 months into my relationship, if my gf mentioned marriage, I would still run away. Just not doing it. NO.
> 
> I know a few guys like this. So, they are out there.


Of the ones I've been on dates with since my divorce, only one of them did not think I was lying or weird for saying I did not want to get married again. And he was the only one who said he never wanted to marry. So I was a little disappointed when he Houdini'ed me. Because it seems I met someone like-minded in that sense.

Well, there was one guy who didn't really react to it, but I think it was only cause he was really into me. We were long-distance though and it wouldn't have gone anywhere w/o either of us moving, which I would not have done.

Sounds like you and the girlfriend have a perfect set-up.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Sounds like you and the girlfriend have a perfect set-up.


It isn't without it's quirks.....that's for sure. I have my times where I just want to back away completely. It's far from perfect. She is very attached, and she would probably spend every day with me she could. WHICH, is nice to have that kind of affection, but I have to over communicate where I am. All in all.  It works for us. For now.


----------



## vi_bride04

How many guys have you dated since your divorce, JB?


----------



## Jellybeans

Four. Five if you count the one who thought we were dating but I told him "we are not dating"--I was not over my marriage at all.
Of those, one was obsessed with his ex girlfriend, one was super sweet but lived too far, one was my stalker and the older one I really liked felt the most zing for has pulled a disappearing act which has left me perplexed.

I was never much of a dater. I guess some things don't really change.


----------



## unsure78

Hey all... yea looks like i will actually be getting laid this weekend!!!!!!!!!!! OMG need it so very bad, again and again....

(I hope it happens and he doesn't cancel- fingers crossed)


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> It just has to be the right circumstances, JB. For me, coming out of a 13 year marriage where I spent 2 years trying to save it exhausted me. I like my alone time, but, I also enjoy my gf. Most of our time is spent when we both don't have kids. Basically, once/twice a week, and every other weekend. So, so, so, so....nice.
> 
> I do notice that a lot of guys want either a 'booty call' or a full fledged working towards marriage relationship. 15 months into my relationship, if my gf mentioned marriage, I would still run away. Just not doing it. NO.
> 
> I know a few guys like this. So, they are out there.





Dedicated2Her said:


> It isn't without it's quirks.....that's for sure. I have my times where I just want to back away completely. It's far from perfect. She is very attached, and she would probably spend every day with me she could. WHICH, is nice to have that kind of affection, but I have to over communicate where I am. All in all. It works for us. For now.


Yep yep yep. That is funny, it's about exactly my situation also. And that's the only way to do it in my opinion when you get out of a nasty marriage.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Hey all... yea looks like i will actually be getting laid this weekend!!!!!!!!!!! OMG need it so very bad, again and again....
> 
> (I hope it happens and he doesn't cancel- fingers crossed)


Cross your fingers to wish for good luck. Uncross your legs if you really want to get lucky.


----------



## whitehawk

l hate to talk about a thing between 2 people like this but l only want some part time thing.
l don't mean no feelings , can't go there , l just mean a few days a wk.
The trouble is l tend to meet full on and l do love full on but not many women are happy keeping lots of time to ourselves for long l find.
l mean l'm happy to see what eventuates , maybe l meet full on and by then l want full on to but right now l'd love 3-4 days a wk to myself.


----------



## unsure78

nsweet said:


> cross your fingers to wish for good luck. Uncross your legs if you really want to get lucky.:d


hahahahhahahahahhahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Yeah..................When you say it like that...
> 
> 
> 
> I WISH it were easy to find. And the "wants to go home afterward" is my ideal man. I don't want anyone around 24/7. I am very busy and simply don't have the time.
> 
> 
> 
> I like to call it a "lover" situation.
> 
> Ya know, I would make a great lover. Too bad I am not into married guys. Because a steady on the side between my hectic life is IDEAL. Just got to find him unmarried/unpartnered.


Divorced dads are where it is at for you. Though the ones who are looking for the same thing as you are probably all mid-thirties, much too young


----------



## caladan

RandomDude said:


> I do, and they are BRUTAL lol
> 
> Surprisingly many dates so far passed, but over a year it seems a certain ethnicity consistently fail! I hate to stereotype but it's just too imbedded in their culture it seems! Oh well


This is a slippery, slippery slope.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> Divorced dads are where it is at for you. Though the ones who are looking for the same thing as you are probably all mid-thirties, much too young


I'm going to have to agree with this.

You need to get your butt onto a dating site, JB and start looking. The thing is, even with booty calls, you have to put effort in to find what you want. It won't just happen 

Well, it will but you aren't looking for those types of sexual escapades


----------



## Disenchanted

Was out on a date last night and the gay bartender/waiter at the martini bar we were at apparently was hitting on me. Both of the ladies I was with agreed about it separately. I didn't even notice, or mind for that matter, but how weird. The girls were put off that it didn't bother me though.

F my life.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Well I want meaningful sex.


Ey? What's that? I've forgotten what that is :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> It's like 3:30am here and just got back home...my abs are sore
> Ugh love spending time with her, still even now we can sit for hours and hours and just talk and hang out just us. It's to good, to easy I don't understand how this happens  ...it's so good but yet I feel there is a crucial piece of her puzzle I don't have yet that would let me be serious...something I feel I am missing :/...what is it?


Maybe you are protecting your heart and unwillilng to fully accept her, so are trying to find something wrong to avoid getting serious?


----------



## RandomDude

caladan said:


> This is a slippery, slippery slope.


How so? 

What am I slipping into exactly?


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Was out on a date last night and the gay bartender/waiter at the martini bar we were at apparently was hitting on me. Both of the ladies I was with agreed about it separately. I didn't even notice, or mind for that matter, but how weird. *The girls were put off that it didn't bother me though.*
> 
> F my life.


So, they were put off that you didn't get upset about it? Would they rather you embrace getting hit on by a dude and notice it? I mean, would they rather you were bi/gay? 

:scratchhead:

Really, can't win in that situation. If you were upset they would have called you a homophobe, if you noticed/acknowledged you would be gay yourself.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> So, they were put off that you didn't get upset about it? Would they rather you embrace getting hit on by a dude and notice it? I mean, would they rather you were bi/gay?
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> Really, can't win in that situation. If you were upset they would have called you a homophobe, if you noticed/acknowledged you would be gay yourself.


Good points vi. They were probably upset that it didn't bother me in the least when they told me. I actually thought it was flattering. Hehe, didn't ruin the night for me though so no biggie.


----------



## caladan

RandomDude said:


> How so?
> 
> What am I slipping into exactly?


You're pretty much openly profiling your dating pool based on ethnic background. I see where you're coming from mind you, but... I'm extremely uncomfortable with that sort of thing.

I guess we all do it in one form or another, I certainly know that my dating preferences tends to favor some ethnicities over others. But our dating preferences has an impact on other preferences and behaviour towards and around people.

It's a slippery slope. It doesn't hurt to be aware of it.


----------



## RandomDude

Not really, I just acknowledge and respect their materialistic culture and expectations, while deciding it's just not for me! Saves me time + money!

Also, since my disappointment in them has only made other ethnicities more attractive, I'm not exactly out of options either 

Besides I'm over my little 'fetish' now, in the end I click better with certain ethnicities over others, considering I married one in the past.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> You need to get your butt onto a dating site, JB and start looking. The thing is, even with booty calls, you have to put effort in to find what you want. It won't just happen
> 
> Well, it will but you aren't looking for those types of sexual escapades


Yeah I could be more proactive. dating sites scare me though. Seems so hard to just meet people. Even harder to meet someone you mesh with or feel a connection with. Anomalies. I don't really get out much between work and lectures. So it's hard. 



Disenchanted said:


> *The girls were put off that it didn't bother me though.*
> 
> F my life.


Fck that. They'd rather you be a homophobe then? Ew on them. I tell you, one thing that greatly vexes me is a homophobic man. He loses a million points with me immediately. I hate that sh!t.


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I could be more proactive. dating sites scare me though. Seems so hard to just meet people. Even harder to meet someone you mesh with or feel a connection with. Anomalies. I don't really get out much between work and lectures. So it's hard.


Do you like to play squash? You should join a beginners league, the men are very gentlemanly but tend to appreciate athleticism, plus we also go googoo for ladies that wear pretty, well fitting outfits while swinging your squash racquet around.


----------



## RandomDude

> Yeah I could be more proactive. dating sites scare me though. Seems so hard to just meet people. Even harder to meet someone you mesh with or feel a connection with. Anomalies. I don't really get out much between work and lectures. So it's hard.


Meetup.com!
Or start taking the train and mistake a hottie for someone else, and start a conversation! I'm shocked at the results recently lol!

Though the quantity has increased, quality has decreased though - no filtering unlike in dating sites  Recent potential ran as soon as I told her I don't have a degree nor 'career' lol!

Heh if only she knew who she was talking to, but she doesn't, and epicly failed the materialism test


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Good points vi. They were probably upset that it didn't bother me in the least when they told me. I actually thought it was flattering. Hehe, didn't ruin the night for me though so no biggie.


It probably really didn't put them off because they could easily tell you were straight. They were just sh!t testing you to see how you would react if accused of being something you are not, and you most likely passed the test, based on what you said your reaction was.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Meetup.com!
> Or start taking the train and mistake a hottie for someone else, and start a conversation! I'm shocked at the results recently lol!


Luckily, I do see a lot of hot men in this area.



Lon said:


> It probably really didn't put them off because they could easily tell you were straight. *They were just sh!t testing you to see how you would react if accused of being something you are not, and you most likely passed the test*, based on what you said your reaction was.


Haha. See and if I were Dis and someone sh!t tested me like that just for sh*ts and giggles, I'd be breaking it off with them. 

Sh!t testing is for the birds. Oh, you want to make me jump through hoops just to prove a point to you?

No, thanks.

Next. 

Ain't nobody got time for that.

I feel the same way about "negging." Anyone who does that is an automatic d0uchebag in my book.

People are so fcking annoying.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> People are so fcking annoying.


:iagree::rofl:

This made me laugh! I totally agree!!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Luckily, I do see a lot of hot men in this area.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. See and if I were Dis and someone sh!t tested me like that just for sh*ts and giggles, I'd be breaking it off with them.
> 
> Sh!t testing is for the birds. Oh, you want to make me jump through hoops just to prove a point to you?
> 
> No, thanks.
> 
> Next.
> 
> Ain't nobody got time for that.
> 
> I feel the same way about "negging." Anyone who does that is an automatic d0uchebag in my book.
> 
> People are so fcking annoying.


You, and everyone else for that matter, do it all the time though, just not always consciously.


----------



## Jellybeans

No, I don't believe in putting a man down in order to try to make him like me. To me, that is the antithesis to romance/love/attraction. It's straight up being a d!ck.


----------



## vi_bride04

Online dating is just one avenue where you KNOW others are looking for some sort of romantic partnership of some kind. Thats why I suggested it. If you have never really tried it, you should. Its a good experience and helps with strengthening your b.s. detector 

Co-ed softball, meetup groups, running club, cooking class....there are many many ways to meet people, JB. Its all about priorities. People make time for what they want to do.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm really really trying to help you get laid, JB if you haven't noticed


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Online dating is just one avenue where you KNOW others are looking for some sort of romantic partnership of some kind. Thats why I suggested it. If you have never really tried it, you should. Its a good experience and helps with strengthening your b.s. detector
> 
> Co-ed softball, meetup groups, running club, cooking class....there are many many ways to meet people, JB. Its all about priorities. People make time for what they want to do.


Try online dating JB, I have a feeling you will like it.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> If you have never really tried it, you should. Its a good experience *and helps with strengthening your b.s. detector*


:rofl: I did join that one dating app (phone) but deleted it after 3 days. I never responded to any of the guys. Just felt weird.



vi_bride04 said:


> Co-ed softball, meetup groups, running club, cooking class....there are many many ways to meet people, JB. Its all about priorities. People make time for what they want to do.


Well, I do like cooking... 



vi_bride04 said:


> I'm really really trying to help you get laid, JB if you haven't noticed


I know. And I love you for it. You are a great friend. Thank you, Vi.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> It probably really didn't put them off because they could easily tell you were straight. They were just sh!t testing you to see how you would react if accused of being something you are not, and you most likely passed the test, based on what you said your reaction was.


Why do I never realize these things until after the fact. I'm sure you're right, and luckily I passed!!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> No, I don't believe in putting a man down in order to try to make him like me. To me, that is the antithesis to romance/love/attraction. It's straight up being a d!ck.


Unless Dis clarifies otherwise, I dont think they were putting him down, I think they feigned dislike in a subject to test his actual values, and since he didn't express anger nor homophobia nor insecurity, they achieved the result they were looking for, knowing that he is not hung up about his own sexuality. In this case it was much more effective and reliable than asking him and seeing what kind of words he could come up with.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Luckily, I do see a lot of hot men in this area.


Then grace them with your divine presence!

Should be a no-brainer!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Then grace them with your divine presence!
> 
> Should be a no-brainer!


Your charming behavior confuses me .....

I am kidding


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> Unless Dis clarifies otherwise, I dont think they were putting him down, I think they feigned dislike in a subject to test his actual values, and since he didn't express anger nor homophobia nor insecurity, they achieved the result they were looking for, knowing that he is not hung up about his own sexuality. In this case it was much more effective and reliable than asking him and seeing what kind of words he could come up with.


They put me down later, after the bar.

hehehehe


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Meetup.com!
> Or start taking the train and mistake a hottie for someone else, and start a conversation! I'm shocked at the results recently lol!
> 
> Though the quantity has increased, quality has decreased though - no filtering unlike in dating sites  Recent potential ran as soon as I told her I don't have a degree nor 'career' lol!
> 
> Heh if only she knew who she was talking to, but she doesn't, and epicly failed the materialism test


I would totally fail your test to then...I was married to a guy who didn't have a degree or a career... and it ended up being that I supported his a$$ while he sat around and played video games all day and night...

though its not the not having a degree so much, i just use it as a general filter, exceptions can always be made.....

but I do require a man to make at least roughly what I do, Im not carrying someone else weight again...


----------



## RandomDude

I don't even have a high school certificate, nor have I ever been employed for years. What I do have is... my very own bloody business!  (I just don't tell them that hehe) 

As for my recent potential, she knows I am working, she just doesn't know I'm an employer, and she met me while seeing me and my daughter together, so I can't imagine how I could have given her the impression of being lazy :scratchhead: !

I never lied to her, I just never told her the full truth 
And it seems a 'simple working man' isn't enough haha


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I don't even have a high school certificate, nor have I ever been employed for years. What I do have is... my very own bloody business!  (I just don't tell them that hehe)
> 
> As for my recent potential, she knows I am working, she just doesn't know I'm an employer, and she met me while seeing me and my daughter together, so I can't imagine how I could have given her the impression of being lazy :scratchhead: !
> 
> I never lied to her, I just never told her the full truth
> And it seems a 'simple working man' isn't enough haha


Don't bother with those women, they wouldn't last a minute in your life. They will just build up resentment because you don't have a 9-5 so you are less predictable which in turn harder to control. Fck em, let the other dudes have them. 
Plus you don't need to tell them what you do, just present yourself as quality. Get a nice watch and shoes and take care of them and make sure you smell nice...they will realize you are more then most without you uttering a word.


----------



## RandomDude

I don't bother, if anything I can't stop laughing lol

Besides, as brutal as the test is, enough has passed it to be considered 'fair'

Though sometimes I wonder if even those who have passed it still have lingering thoughts about it; like #1, who dumped me bc she can't get over the fact that I'm still not divorced. A part of me wonders if I had revealed to her the extent of my personal income her decision would have been altered.

But still... I know that my ex married me when I had nothing, and despite her issues it's a standard I can't ignore. Hence I have to stick to the tests.


----------



## 06Daddio08

After going on a few dates and trying out the online dating scene it's a bit mind boggling how much drama seems to come out of it.

In regards to what's mentioned here.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Don't bother with those women, they wouldn't last a minute in your life. They will just build up resentment because you don't have a 9-5 so you are less predictable which in turn harder to control. Fck em, let the other dudes have them.
> Plus you don't need to tell them what you do, just present yourself as quality. Get a nice watch and shoes and take care of them and make sure you smell nice...they will realize you are more then most without you uttering a word.


The future mr unsure owns his own business...

Really? not telling a date what you do for a living, for me that a total topic of conversation for me, I enjoy hearing about people do for a living...


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: I did join that one dating app (phone) but deleted it after 3 days. I never responded to any of the guys. Just felt weird.


What felt weird about it? Only 3 days? That is not enough time to even attempt to put yourself out there. 

Pick one, do it for at least a month at go on at least 3 dates. 

Disc golf is the 5th "official" guy I have met off of a dating site/app. I have been online dating since mid/end Dec. So it has taken me almost 5 months to find someone that I *think* I do like. 

Its going to take time and its going to take effort. Its very rare to have that happy, romantical, sparks flying initial meetup you are looking for. 

I did feel a spark with disc golf but we were chatting over a month almost daily before our first date. And he had exhibited no red flag behavior prior to meeting. First guy I met with NO SEXUAL FLIRTING WHAT SO EVER. hmm maybe that is a red flag? LOL


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> After going on a few dates and trying out the online dating scene it's a bit mind boggling how much drama seems to come out of it.
> 
> In regards to what's mentioned here.


LOL Up im sure you have your own checklist and requirements


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> What felt weird about it? Only 3 days? That is not enough time to even attempt to put yourself out there.
> 
> Pick one, do it for at least a month at go on at least 3 dates.
> 
> Disc golf is the 5th "official" guy I have met off of a dating site/app. I have been online dating since mid/end Dec. So it has taken me almost 5 months to find someone that I *think* I do like.
> 
> Its going to take time and its going to take effort. Its very rare to have that happy, romantical, sparks flying initial meetup you are looking for.
> 
> I did feel a spark with disc golf but we were chatting over a month almost daily before our first date. And he had exhibited no red flag behavior prior to meeting. First guy I met with NO SEXUAL FLIRTING WHAT SO EVER. hmm maybe that is a red flag? LOL


I agree with VI, jelly... it takes some time...

LOL I believe I remember telling VI that not to long ago...... and im sure someone reminded me of that not to long ago either


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> The future mr unsure owns his own business...
> 
> Really? not telling a date what you do for a living, for me that a total topic of conversation for me, I enjoy hearing about people do for a living...


Same here, it's unfortunate so many women are so judgmental and materialistic so basic communication becomes sharp harsh reality. Which in turn has lead me to do less talking and more asking and listening. But honestly it's not only their fault, they only think that way because some man or multiple men have burned them at one point in time so they are left with a bad taste in their mouths...

If asked I say I own and run businesses, that is all they need to know. Hell bleacher is still baffled by some of the things I do.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Same here, it's unfortunate so many women are so judgmental and materialistic so basic communication becomes sharp harsh reality. Which in turn has lead me to do less talking and more asking and listening. But honestly it's not only their fault, they only think that way because some man or multiple men have burned them at one point in time so they are left with a bad taste in their mouths...


agreed


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Same here, it's unfortunate so many women are so judgmental and materialistic so basic communication becomes sharp harsh reality. Which in turn has lead me to do less talking and more asking and listening. But honestly it's not only their fault, they only think that way because some man or multiple men have burned them at one point in time so they are left with a bad taste in their mouths...


For women of a certain ethnic it seems so, few actually give a sh-t from my experience as long as he's not a bludger. By comparison another ethnic, it's expectated of them to 'marry up' it seems. I tried to ignore stereotypes but results are hard to ignore!



> If asked I say I own and run businesses, that is all they need to know. Hell bleacher is still baffled by some of the things I do.


Ha! I don't even tell them that, I shroud everything from my role to my finances. I shroud many responsibilities and only reveal the responsibilities that 'fit' the role that I omit to them. I can have an entire conversation about work and they wouldn't even have a clue :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> LOL Up im sure you have your own checklist and requirements


Checklist and requirements? I know what personality I'm looking for and the traits that go along with it. I'm able to detect it and that's the only time I become interested in a woman.

I know what I want, although I might not know how to get there yet, entirely. At the same time I also don't hold it against someone if they aren't interested in me nor do I take it personally. Sure, for a day or so I'll reflect and go through the motions but after that I move on.

In the last couple months I've been able to see the way I react and interact with women I'm interested in and ones I'm not. I then ask myself why I did or said certain things.

A few weeks ago my buddies girlfriend (who has also become a good friend) called me the most uninterested guy she knows. When I questioned her about the title she explained that I know what I want and that I'm not interested in wasting my time or anyone else's. She then went on to describe what kind of woman I'm looking for, just from the last couple months with going to parties. I'd get women pointed out, asked questions about this or that and I'd pretty much give a stone cold no. Haha.

The thing is, when she described my ideal woman (just from what she's observed of me) she was spot on. Both physically and mentality. Which speaks volumes to me, seeing how the internal changes I've made over the years are now visibly noticeable. Rather than feeling one thing internally and acting completely different.

So my thought on the drama remains, I find it mind boggling how much happens to others. Lol


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. See and if I were Dis and someone sh!t tested me like that just for sh*ts and giggles, I'd be breaking it off with them.


After thinking about this a little more, I dunno if it was a sh!t test really. In retrospect, if you were sitting down on a date with a man and your waitress openly hit on him in your company, would you be offended? Maybe there was something like that going on in their heads, I dunno. How would you feel if your date was basically oblivious to her advances and just acted friendly to the waitress rather then making it clear that he was on a date/with someone.


----------



## Lon

Disenchanted said:


> After thinking about this a little more, I dunno if it was a sh!t test really. In retrospect, if you were sitting down on a date with a man and your waitress openly hit on him in your company, would you be offended? Maybe there was something like that going on in their heads, I dunno. How would you feel if your date was basically oblivious to her advances and just acted friendly to the waitress rather then making it clear that he was on a date/with someone.


The test didn't begin when you were hit on by your server. The test began after they asked you if you realized you were being hit on at the very precise moment they acted put off when you weren't offended. The test was to see how you would react to their (calculated) reaction. The gay bartender hitting on you was just the opportunity they used to administer this test. We all do this all the time, so maybe me calling it a "sh1t" test was distracting from the point I was trying to make.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> The test didn't begin when you were hit on by your server. The test began after they asked you if you realized you were being hit on at the very precise moment they acted put off when you weren't offended. The test was to see how you would react to their (calculated) reaction. The gay bartender hitting on you was just the opportunity they used to administer this test. We all do this all the time, so maybe me calling it a "sh1t" test was distracting from the point I was trying to make.


Right. But...... This wasn't necessarily a sh!t test about my feelings towards homosexuality, rather a sh!t test about the fact that I was being hit on in their company?

I would be flattered to be hit on by anyone for the most part, but would it be appropriate to act offended when in the company of a date when it happens?


----------



## COGypsy

I think "offended" is a bit of a strong reaction. To me it's like any other compliment. I wouldn't be offended if someone complimented my hair or my bag. Even if it were done in some kind of awkward way, I'd say "thank you" and be on my way. Would they expect you to pitch a fit and be all offended if it were a waitress that flirted a bit with you?


----------



## Disenchanted

COGypsy said:


> Would they expect you to pitch a fit and be all offended if it were a waitress that flirted a bit with you?


That's exactly what I am asking. I don't think this incident last night detracted from my desirability or attractiveness in any way, and nobody was upset about it or anything. I just think it's weird to flirt or hit on someone who is in the company of a date (or member of the opposite sex).

Nobody has ever hit on or flirted with any woman while she was with me, in my presence, so I don't really have a frame of reference on this.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> That's exactly what I am asking. I don't think this incident last night detracted from my desirability or attractiveness in any way, and nobody was upset about it or anything. I just think it's weird to flirt or hit on someone who is in the company of a date (or member of the opposite sex).
> 
> Nobody has ever hit on or flirted with any woman while she was with me, in my presence, so I don't really have a frame of reference on this.


You are over thinking this way to much man.


----------



## Lon

I think it was a (subtle, naturally freeflowing) test on two fronts: 1) are you opinionated about things 2) are you being genuine.

Since you were not offended, nor acted offended or squeamish the results were thus: on the first part - inconclusive; on the second likely. The test had nothing to do with how you react with being hit on.

You may expect another test like this but in a different (controversial) subject, such as gun control, but since they know you are likely genuine they will probably just ask you what you think about gun control. The way to pass the test is to not be black/white, or atleast not extremely passionate about it (unless they too are passionate the same way you are, in which case you may want to head them off and ask them their thoughts about everything controversial before they are ready to initiate this test).

And I keep saying "they" because I think we are still talking about two women at the same time, are we not? (awesome!)

And yes, AP is right, you are overthinking this way too much, stop thinking and let me and all of the rest of us on TAM do all the thinking for you


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Geez. Now you guys have me afraid to do anything. If I ask about his job because it tells me what interests you, helps me imagine what you do every day, the stress level, travel required, the hours required (both length and schedule) and to a degree intelligence and/or abilities (not always), now I'll be viewed as materialistic - all for just being curious and wanting to imagine what his days are like.

I'd be put off by a guy who couldn't answer a question directly so that I understood what his day is like or what he does. I would keep asking questions likely until I pissed him off, all for want of understanding.

And now I have to be nervous that anything that happens or is commented on could be perceived as a sh*t test. Really, isn't everything to a degree? If by a test we mean finding out where a guy draws the line on a number of things? Could that have been a test to see if he's a homophone because her brother is gay? Or maybe she just found it curious he's oblivious to overtures. I have been tested before if that's what we call questions designed to pinpoint areas of compatibility or not. A guy said he wasn't going to talk to his girls about sex until they were 15. Mine was quite young at the time and I said "Really? I have already talked to my daughter and she's 9. 15 might be too late - you never know." The date STALLED right there. Was that a sh*t test on my views of female sexuality? 

I'm so confused.

It seems like we single people can read too much into nearly everything - even guys - not just a female trait.


----------



## Disenchanted

EnjoliWoman said:


> And now I have to be nervous that anything that happens or is commented on could be perceived as a sh*t test. Really, isn't everything to a degree?


To me the definition of a sh!t test is one where the apparently obvious correct answer is actually the wrong one.

Like "Why weren't you offended by being hit on a gay man" when the correct answer would be "because I'm not a homophobe", when it sounds like I should have been offended, by the tone of the question.

While that isn't exactly what happened to me, it would be a good example of a sh!t test.


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Geez. Now you guys have me afraid to do anything.
> 
> *It seems like we single people can read too much into nearly everything - even guys - not just a female trait*.


LOL yeah so it seems 

On the tests thing if asked about my occupation I test right back, I trickle info them to see how they react to each bit of information. If I get a hint of more then average materialistic views I will cut it short and brush off from there. They might be able to try again, it's just up to them how they react to how I react like a game of chess...your move


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Geez. Now you guys have me afraid to do anything. If I ask about his job because it tells me what interests you, helps me imagine what you do every day, the stress level, travel required, the hours required (both length and schedule) and to a degree intelligence and/or abilities (not always), now I'll be viewed as materialistic - all for just being curious and wanting to imagine what his days are like.
> 
> I'd be put off by a guy who couldn't answer a question directly so that I understood what his day is like or what he does. I would keep asking questions likely until I pissed him off, all for want of understanding.
> 
> And now I have to be nervous that anything that happens or is commented on could be perceived as a sh*t test. Really, isn't everything to a degree? If by a test we mean finding out where a guy draws the line on a number of things? Could that have been a test to see if he's a homophone because her brother is gay? Or maybe she just found it curious he's oblivious to overtures. I have been tested before if that's what we call questions designed to pinpoint areas of compatibility or not. A guy said he wasn't going to talk to his girls about sex until they were 15. Mine was quite young at the time and I said "Really? I have already talked to my daughter and she's 9. 15 might be too late - you never know." The date STALLED right there. Was that a sh*t test on my views of female sexuality?
> 
> I'm so confused.
> 
> It seems like we single people can read too much into nearly everything - even guys - not just a female trait.


Dont overthink things, go with your gut, go with it~

I am a firm believer that if a man likes you, he wont mind if you ask about his job or whatever.... 
But then again, I am not an expert in dating.


----------



## COGypsy

Disenchanted said:


> That's exactly what I am asking. I don't think this incident last night detracted from my desirability or attractiveness in any way, and nobody was upset about it or anything. I just think it's weird to flirt or hit on someone who is in the company of a date (or member of the opposite sex).
> 
> Nobody has ever hit on or flirted with any woman while she was with me, in my presence, so I don't really have a frame of reference on this.


I would probably keep in mind that it was the bartender/waiter that was flirting. You know--someone who works for tips. Probably flirty/complimentary to a lot of people with absolutely zero meaning involved other than to make you feel flattered enough to leave a bigger tip. Not exactly someone making cow eyes from across the room, sending drinks, making flashcards with their phone number out of c0cktail napkins and generally doing a full-court press to get your attention. THAT would be offensive. I'd also point out that you were there with two women, correct? So more like a friendly gathering than horning in on date night, from the outside looking in anyway.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> And I keep saying "they" because I think we are still talking about two women at the same time, are we not? (awesome!)


we are


----------



## Disenchanted

COGypsy said:


> Probably flirty/complimentary to a lot of people with absolutely zero meaning involved other than to make you feel flattered enough to leave a bigger tip.


Exactly what I said at the time. So I told them to leave a big tip. LOL


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yeah, I caught that. no way would I go out with a guy and another girl. If he can't decide that he likes me enough to spend just one evening getting to know me better, forget it. I thought they were just there at the bar except then the term "date" was used.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I am a firm believer that if a man likes you, he wont mind if you ask about his job or whatever....
> But then again, I am not an expert in dating.


Wrong  
Ask ok but don't be pushy...
Being pushy about anything especially money will rub a man the wrong way, probably even change his perspective of you from GF material to throw a little more money at this and I'll get some tail out of it.


----------



## Lon

BTW, my "analysis" was meant to be taken completely lightheartedly.

Enjoli said:
"I have been tested before if that's what we call questions designed to pinpoint areas of compatibility or not. A guy said he wasn't going to talk to his girls about sex until they were 15. Mine was quite young at the time and I said "Really? I have already talked to my daughter and she's 9. 15 might be too late - you never know." The date STALLED right there. Was that a sh*t test on my views of female sexuality?"

this is exactly what I was trying to say, but her paragraph was written much better. Just questions construed to determine compatibility, the reason I labelled them a "sh1t" test is not because they are meant to entrap you into answering incorrectly, but rather because they are meant to read your body language and non-verbal reaction more than your your ability to answer "appropriately".


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I could deal with cautiously doling information out. I know some women go straight for the wallet. I undersell my earnings, personally.


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> Geez. Now you guys have me afraid to do anything. If I ask about his job because it tells me what interests you, helps me imagine what you do every day, the stress level, travel required, the hours required (both length and schedule) and to a degree intelligence and/or abilities (not always), now I'll be viewed as materialistic - all for just being curious and wanting to imagine what his days are like.


Ey? I don't automatically believe that a lady would be materialistic asking about what I do

You see, I simply put forward the non-financial sides of me, and let the lady decide if she would be satisfied with love or does she require a paycheck



> I'd be put off by a guy who couldn't answer a question directly so that I understood what his day is like or what he does. I would keep asking questions likely until I pissed him off, all for want of understanding.


What I do is very simple, magicians do it too, it's called:
Misdirection 

Hehe

You see, I talk about my role as if I'm an employee. I refer to my staff in operations as 'workmates' (which they are - I have a flat management structure and a team-focused environment with an open door policy), and some are good friends - those were with me since the beginning. 

I can talk about work, joke about work, tell stories about my minions... erhm... "workmates"  ! And all the while they don't even know I own the whole damn place.  As for talking about pay -> NO! I just say "I don't like talking about pay"

Which to gold diggers mean: "He's poor! Run!" :rofl:

Of course some measures do have to be taken to maintain the secret (no work visits! I also keep my personal details in my business discreet obviously), but I've been getting away with it thus far and it's quite fun, and I ain't lying! Just misdirecting! 

Besides, I lost all my savings to my ex just to keep her hands off my business, I can't survive another woman taking away my fortune. For my ex I hold nothing against her in that, as the money she promised will be for our daughter anyway. In AUS de facto relationships after 6 months are eligible for payouts since 2009

So I'd like to know who I'm dealing with before getting involved with any woman. Not to mention too that my ex married me while I was merely working part-time in a dead-end job years ago. I only attained success during marriage after difficult years working 84 hrs a week with 2 jobs at one time

If I am to fall in love with someone, she has to show the same non-materialism as my ex. Hate to say it, but that's one quality of my ex that I truly do miss.


----------



## ne9907

I would not ask a man I am on a date with how much he makes, it is disrespecful in my opinion. However, i would ask if he enjoys what he does.


----------



## coffee4me

RD would it make a difference if you knew what she did for a living? If you knew the lady you took out ran a successful business herself would you be so elusive about your occupation?


----------



## RandomDude

> I would not ask a man I am on a date with how much he makes, it is disrespecful in my opinion. However, i would ask if he enjoys what he does.


That is acceptable 



> RD would it make a difference if you knew what she did for a living? If you knew the lady you took out ran a successful business herself would you be so elusive about your occupation?


It does depend on her stage in life. I'm still very young in my late 20s, hence very few women in my age group have established themselves as of yet. Also not that I would actually be interested due to their time restraints. 

I don't go out specifically looking for successful ladies, I look for hotties  Also you see, I am very relaxed, and my days are very flexible unlike the days when I was struggling to even breakeven. Now...

As the saying goes, entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t. I'm already on the latter stage in my life. However if I was to meet someone who's in the same stage, well, I dunno.

Introduce me so we can see!


----------



## bandit.45

I just got a text from Syrian gal. 

Guys.....this chick has a dirty mind! Holy carrumba!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Well, what are you waiting for?


----------



## unsure78

So now I am curious RD... what kinda business are you in? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I'm in the business of chewing bubblegum and kicking ass!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> So now I am curious RD... what kinda business are you in? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The pimping business, LOL!!!


----------



## RandomDude

I was SOOO tempted to say that lol


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> The pimping business, LOL!!!


I think you mean bid'ness.


----------



## Nsweet

Don't You Want a New Lunchbox? - Video Clips - South Park Studios


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Need steady lover who I am attracted to over time who goes home afterward. I realize that sounds disconnected but in my mind, this lover and I have a zing! connection.


Also my ideal situation (though, I compromise on my ideals fairly often). It's what I thought I had, but, I guess it didn't quite work out. Wishing you luck, Jellybeans.


----------



## vi_bride04

Is it Friday yet???????


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Is it Friday yet???????


No kidding, I came down with a nasty head cold today and by Friday it should be gone!


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Is it Friday yet???????


Bite your tongue! I have salary tables, staff evaluations and half a house to pack between now and then. Oh, and I think tickets to the playoff game tomorrow.....I want the clock to ssslllooowww down! Either that or I'd like a clone.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I just got a text from Syrian gal.
> 
> Guys.....this chick has a dirty mind! Holy carrumba!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lucky you! Go have fun! It's nice to see a man appreciating a progressive woman's romantic gestures.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Bite your tongue! I have salary tables, staff evaluations and half a house to pack between now and then. Oh, and I think tickets to the playoff game tomorrow.....I want the clock to ssslllooowww down! Either that or I'd like a clone.


I just want to go on my date. I'm so swamped at work. Working tonight from home after my walk. Need to unwind before I jump back into it, I just got home!! Also have a ton to do before Friday....ugh! Like deep clean the house in case the landlord stops by. And wash my dog and bedding. And pick up dog poop. And wash windows....and probably work from home tomorrow night too...need just one more day this week. Lol

Hectic hectic hectic it feels like.


----------



## RandomDude

Dirty texts are considered romantic gestures now? :scratchhead:


----------



## moxy

I've been at work for twelve hours. I'm exhausted, but avoiding going home. My office building is as empty as it might be after an apocalypse at the moment, so I should probably leave...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> No kidding, I came down with a nasty head cold today and by Friday it should be gone!


Do you have allergies? Lol 

I read something about a "pollen vortex" and how its going to really affect allergies this year?? Is that really a thing?? Has to be a joke, right?


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I just want to go on my date. I'm so swamped at work. Working tonight from home after my walk. Need to unwind before I jump back into it, I just got home!! Also have a ton to do before Friday....ugh! Like deep clean the house in case the landlord stops by. And wash my dog and bedding. And pick up dog poop. And wash windows....and probably work from home tomorrow night too...need just one more day this week. Lol
> 
> Hectic hectic hectic it feels like.


Yikes! Make some time to breathe!



RandomDude said:


> Dirty texts are considered romantic gestures now? :scratchhead:


Yes, when they're welcome.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> I just want to go on my date. I'm so swamped at work. Working tonight from home after my walk. Need to unwind before I jump back into it, I just got home!! Also have a ton to do before Friday....ugh! Like deep clean the house in case the landlord stops by. And wash my dog and bedding. And pick up dog poop. And wash windows....and probably work from home tomorrow night too...need just one more day this week. Lol
> 
> Hectic hectic hectic it feels like.


I feel ya. I just want May to be here already. I had my sister here for a week, had my birthday bash, every end of fiscal year deadline at work, moving this weekend, surgery Monday.... I just want to stop and take a breath!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> I don't even have a high school certificate, nor have I ever been employed for years. What I do have is... my very own bloody business!  (I just don't tell them that hehe)
> 
> As for my recent potential, she knows I am working, she just doesn't know I'm an employer, and she met me while seeing me and my daughter together, so I can't imagine how I could have given her the impression of being lazy :scratchhead: !
> 
> I never lied to her, I just never told her the full truth
> And it seems a 'simple working man' isn't enough haha



Not a very nice girl RD , hope you kept walking .
Hey , the ultimate test - when l tellem l only work 2wks a mth and often don't start till 10 or 11am at that.
One girl was so gobsmacked l could literally feel the brain cells popping :rofl:
l didn't add the good bits though but even if l did most people think you should still be slaving away - why , what for ?

l work to live and l use the wittle brain l was given. That's why l can be sitting on the beach while everyone else is slaving it for the man and bills . Or wondering shopping centers on good mths with 1,000s in my pocket, or own other properties or stay up all night , because l can . Well since l've gotten on top on things again now after my marriage going to crap anyway. PS , through 14mths there l couldn't make bills from wk to wk though , it's been a slog and a half to get back to this point so l did earn it .

My women won't look down at me for living how l work to live , hell she'll know exactly and wanna join me .

Dunno if that all makes sense but fk me , people don't make sense .


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Geez. Now you guys have me afraid to do anything. If I ask about his job because it tells me what interests you, helps me imagine what you do every day, the stress level, travel required, the hours required (both length and schedule) and to a degree intelligence and/or abilities (not always), now I'll be viewed as materialistic - all for just being curious and wanting to imagine what his days are like.
> 
> I'd be put off by a guy who couldn't answer a question directly so that I understood what his day is like or what he does. I would keep asking questions likely until I pissed him off, all for want of understanding.
> 
> And now I have to be nervous that anything that happens or is commented on could be perceived as a sh*t test. Really, isn't everything to a degree? If by a test we mean finding out where a guy draws the line on a number of things? Could that have been a test to see if he's a homophone because her brother is gay? Or maybe she just found it curious he's oblivious to overtures. I have been tested before if that's what we call questions designed to pinpoint areas of compatibility or not. A guy said he wasn't going to talk to his girls about sex until they were 15. Mine was quite young at the time and I said "Really? I have already talked to my daughter and she's 9. 15 might be too late - you never know." The date STALLED right there. Was that a sh*t test on my views of female sexuality?
> 
> I'm so confused.
> 
> It seems like we single people can read too much into nearly everything - even guys - not just a female trait.



Nahh don't be Enjoli , not at all. Don't forget this is the internet and broken marriage club at that and we've mostly all been fkd over badly to boot so , it's all a little extreme.
Sometimes l mention things like all this to girls and they've never heard of any of our theories round here . Mind you in reverse , met a few to that would be much better of if they had heard of a lot of it .

Just relax , go with the flow . lt's perfectly natural to be talking about any of this crap even within minutes . Me and mine do allllll the time.
l remember somewhere we were all sayin oh , a mth , 6 wks , to even ask about marriage or d's - kidden right 
Hell anyone l meet we're into that [email protected] within mins along with millions of other things , you name it , anything, it just happens .
lf you get along you just talk , that's how it's spose to go , it's just takes off on a life of it's own , no biggie.

l am a little bit weird with someone at first about my work , hours , money and [email protected] as l was just sayin in the other post but mostly hell , it all just takes care of itself.
l mean your gonna hear something , see things , maybe you don't like. lt's just automatic . There's no need to worry about a thing , it just takes care of itself.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Lucky you! Go have fun! It's nice to see a man appreciating a progressive woman's romantic gestures.


She wants to do things to me. Very naughty things. 

Bandit like.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Welcome to the club Bandit, glad you're here. 

Feelsgoodman


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> She wants to do things to me. Very naughty things.
> 
> Bandit like.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


UGH, I am so jealous of all of you who are getting sex! I just gave up the best sex I've ever had and its been way harder than I could have imagined!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> UGH, I am so jealous of all of you who are getting sex! I just gave up the best sex I've ever had and its been way harder than I could have imagined!


Don't worry dear, good sex will find you, just enjoy your alone time as much as you can and fill it with things you enjoy doing.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> UGH, I am so jealous of all of you who are getting sex! I just gave up the best sex I've ever had and its been way harder than I could have imagined!


THAT'S why you couldn't end it with him!!!! Lol 

Ugh the draw of a good penis.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> THAT'S why you couldn't end it with him!!!! Lol
> 
> Ugh the draw of a good penis.


Well, YEAH!  DAMN!!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> THAT'S why you couldn't end it with him!!!! Lol
> 
> Ugh the draw of a good penis.





3Xnocharm said:


> Well, YEAH!  DAMN!!


Emotion, sex, and money...damn them all  
Makes the world go round...hard enough to find someone that has 1 of those qualities that you can get along with let alone all 3 :/


----------



## RandomDude

@Whitehawk



> Not a very nice girl RD , hope you kept walking .


Which girl? I've already forgotten 



> Hey , the ultimate test - when l tellem l only work 2wks a mth and often don't start till 10 or 11am at that.
> One girl was so gobsmacked l could literally feel the brain cells popping
> l didn't add the good bits though but even if l did most people think you should still be slaving away - why , what for ?


That's because the majority of the world are minions who do not understand the world of the overlords! lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Emotion, sex, and money...damn them all
> Makes the world go round...hard enough to find someone that has 1 of those qualities that you can get along with let alone all 3 :/


Very true! When we weren't having amazing sex, we had so much fun hanging out together, it was always very comfortable between us. But evidently "something" was missing for him.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> That's because the majority of the world are minions who do not understand the world of the overlords! lol


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Emotion, sex, and money...damn them all
> Makes the world go round...hard enough to find someone that has 1 of those qualities that you can get along with let alone all 3 :/


That funny another I use the same sort of statement but diffrent qualities.....you can find a person who is intellgent, or attractive, or has their life together. ..But finding the trfecta of all three is very difficult
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Very true! When we weren't having amazing sex, we had so much fun hanging out together, it was always very comfortable between us. But evidently "something" was missing for him.


Funny thing is these are my most most important qualities in a SO...confidence=sex, integrity=emotion, independence=money


----------



## RandomDude

I don't think I would mind being a sole provider again really, I just want someone who I can trust would love me for me - like ex did once upon a time

I also find it intriguing how my success rate has dropped since I implemented the anti-materialism-tests, as sandfly had warned. Still I find the results more amusing then heartbreaking.


----------



## coffee4me

RandomDude said:


> I don't go out specifically looking for successful ladies, I look for hotties


Your answer makes a lot of sense given your age. Maybe one day you will meet a woman who is both successful and a hottie


----------



## bandit.45

Ended up not going to Chicago. Sucks.  I wanted a filet at Gibsons, and to sit at the lemonade stand and stare at the hotties in Viagara Square.


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> Your answer makes a lot of sense given your age. Maybe one day you will meet a woman who is both successful and a hottie


Hotties or go home......


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> Hotties or go home......


That would be my cue to go home


----------



## Another Planet

GF/BF status has been invoked tonight...guess I am now off the horderves plate...time for main course...on to dessert


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> GF/BF status has been invoked tonight...guess I am now off the horderves plate...time for main course


Good for you. Nothing like a steady....


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Good for you. Nothing like a steady....


So strange...no idea how it happens...just does sometimes I guess


----------



## whitehawk

Congrats AP , nice one.


----------



## whitehawk

What did this girl mean by this ?

" l've spent the last 15 yrs being a handbag , no thanks " .

She was referring to photos and looks somehow and being judged by photos / looks , instead of the person !
Was she meaning because of good looks or what exactly ?


----------



## RandomDude

She means that she was treated as an accessory/trophy


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> GF/BF status has been invoked tonight...guess I am now off the horderves plate...time for main course...on to dessert


But have you facebooked it yet? Kidding.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> But have you facebooked it yet? Kidding.


Heh.

Ewww.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> Very true! When we weren't having amazing sex, we had so much fun hanging out together, it was always very comfortable between us. But evidently "something" was missing for him.


One thing I learned through my adventures in the past couple of years......you give it to a woman right in the bed, a large portion of your sins are forgiven. It makes up for A LOT!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> But have you facebooked it yet? Kidding.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> One thing I learned through my adventures in the past couple of years......you give it to a woman right in the bed, a large portion of your sins are forgiven. It makes up for A LOT!


Sad but true.... I will give Conrad that one(it one of his theories isnt it?), women do not like to give up fantastic sex...

(unfortunately the future mr unsure has NOT achieved that status yet (though he is the best with going down I have ever had, I will give him that)... so im having a hard time being forgiving right now for not receiving enough attention...


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> One thing I learned through my adventures in the past couple of years......you give it to a woman right in the bed, a large portion of your sins are forgiven. It makes up for A LOT!


The damn truth.

Sadly. (or not so sadly for the lady bits).


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> One thing I learned through my adventures in the past couple of years......you give it to a woman right in the bed, a large portion of your sins are forgiven. It makes up for A LOT!





unsure78 said:


> Sad but true.... I will give Conrad that one(it one of his theories isnt it?), women do not like to give up fantastic sex...


No, we sure dont like to give up the good stuff!  Its like trying to give up a drug...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Sad but true.... I will give Conrad that one(it one of his theories isnt it?), women do not like to give up fantastic sex...
> 
> (unfortunately the future mr unsure has NOT achieved that status yet (though he is the best with going down I have ever had, I will give him that)... so im having a hard time being forgiving right now for not receiving enough attention...


It's been a very long time since I had mediocre/bad sex. I actually think it was back 4 years ago in my marriage. I did all this research about what percentage of women couldn't orgasm with intercourse and made all these rationalizations in my head about that it wasn't about that I was bad.....it was just that she had issues. 

Well, crap. Every woman I've been with since her........no issues. LOL. I needed to get my alpha on....big time. Quite frankly, I do believe the guy has to take the lead on that. He can determine how good the sex is going to be by the emotional connection he fosters along with messed up hands (weights/working outside) and a sexy body, added with a confident demeanor........"fireworks".

AND, unsure, while you are feeling like you aren't getting enough attention....a full day of good "playtime" will cure that.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> No, we sure dont like to give up the good stuff!  Its like trying to give up a drug...


Oxytocin and dopamine are natural drugs. 

VERY hard to give that up.

It's why when you see someone you are attracted to you get all tingly and whatnot.

Same way you may see someone from your past, after a long time, and still feel that "zing." 

It's beautiful.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> AND, unsure, while you are feeling like you aren't getting enough attention....a full day of good "playtime" will cure that.


You are 100% correct... it will

(as long as he doesn't cancel on me this weekend)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> (as long as he doesn't cancel on me this weekend)



True. But, then, you will know how to progress from here. You've done it before.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Dedicated2Her said:


> It's been a very long time since I had mediocre/bad sex. I actually think it was back 4 years ago in my marriage. I did all this research about what percentage of women couldn't orgasm with intercourse and made all these rationalizations in my head about that it wasn't about that I was bad.....it was just that she had issues.
> 
> Well, crap. Every woman I've been with since her........no issues. LOL. I needed to get my alpha on....big time. Quite frankly, I do believe the guy has to take the lead on that. He can determine how good the sex is going to be by the emotional connection he fosters along with messed up hands (weights/working outside) and a sexy body, added with a confident demeanor........"fireworks".
> 
> AND, unsure, while you are feeling like you aren't getting enough attention....a full day of good "playtime" will cure that.


Uh, most women can't - not by that alone. A little suspicious that all of these new women can unless you were adding in some other stimulation.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> True. But, then, you will know how to progress from here. You've done it before.


Im trying to be patient because of his situation....

but I dont like feeling like im waiting on him, reminds me of my marriage... 

lol i already have backup plans for the weekend if I get canceled on (not a date)... I want to go out, look beautiful, and have a fun time... I am not sitting around waiting this weekend

its actually weird... i really really like him but have no qualms breaking up with him either.... this is a more recent experience for me not being codependent....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

EnjoliWoman said:


> Uh, most women can't - not by that alone. A little suspicious that all of these new women can unless you were adding in some other stimulation.


Well, enjoli, unless the pulsating, the quick change in body heat, fast increase in sweat, is any indication.....hard to fake. I do know that all 4 could orgasm from gspot stimulation so.......

maybe I'm just lucky.  Better to be lucky than good sometimes.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> She means that she was treated as an accessory/trophy



ah hu , thanks RD , that fits .


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> I want to go out, look beautiful, and have a fun time...


This will no be hard to do because you ARE beautiful.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> GF/BF status has been invoked tonight...guess I am now off the horderves plate...time for main course...on to dessert




AP , how long was it before you saw pics , wasn't it a few wks or more or am l thinking of someone else ?

Just asking because of a situation my end :scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> AP , how long was it before you saw pics , wasn't it a few wks or more or am l thinking of someone else ?
> 
> Just asking because of a situation my end :scratchhead:


Well since we met on Match I already had seen pics but she was sending pics to me within a month...I think...that was a while ago now so hard to remember exact dates.


----------



## vi_bride04

I really think the sex is why I married my ex. B/c outside of getting off, we really didn't agree on anything. He mirrored my likes and interests until the ring was on my finger. 

Ugh. Orgasms are evil, evil things.


----------



## unsure78

Hey VI its almost friday


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Ugh. Orgasms are evil, evil things.


:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks AP . Think impatience may've cut of my nose to spite my face with someone.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I am taking myself off the market.
> I am going to continue to work on myself, if a simply email from ex sends me into melancholy island, i am obviously not ready yet. Not that I care, as I wasnt looking for anything serious anyway, yet, I feel as if I am cheating on ex.
> He sent me a text, when i finally got around to replying, he said how he had been very worried about me because he hasnt heard from me.
> This morning, another email, asking what I wanted. I said I did not want to try again, because I do not want to drive myelf crazy again.
> And yes, I stalked his FB again..... He disbanded a lot of friends like 40+, some of this are his ex girlfriends. When we were together, I had asked him to please consider disbanding them, he would accused me of being controlling and jealous. I never knew some of the relationship he had with these women.
> In any event,
> How long will this last? Not sure, for now I just want to be alone.
> 
> I have a couple of people I comminicate with regularly, every day actually. Yesterday, I did not answer any of their texts, until I remember the "ghosting" conversations we had.
> 
> Thus, I sent them messages saying I needed alone time.
> Was this wrong?
> 
> Who know,
> maybe I will be back in the dating pool next week, maybe not.
> I need strengh to finally let go of my old life. I am happy.


Nah not wrong at all ne , too soon for you. l went through so much of that stuff myself to , l think a lot do , it takes time.
Sometimes l wonder if l could even handle something yet . lt feels as weird as all hell when l'm with a girl still , everything spins .


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Im trying to be patient because of his situation....
> 
> but I dont like feeling like im waiting on him, reminds me of my marriage...
> 
> lol i already have backup plans for the weekend if I get canceled on (not a date)... I want to go out, look beautiful, and have a fun time... I am not sitting around waiting this weekend
> 
> *its actually weird... i really really like him but have no qualms breaking up with him either.... this is a more recent experience for me not being codependent*....


Same here, it is a weird feeling that is for sure. I am not sure if it's good or bad, especially after you all were yelling at me about my view on me doing my own thing and not waiting around for someone now while in a relationship and telling me how wrong I am for feeling this way.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Hey VI its almost friday


:smthumbup:

Ha, I sent a text to disc golf yesterday mocking that camel hump day commercial

"What day is it?! What day is it?! Guess what day it is!!!??"

He texted back "Definitely not Friday"


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Thus, I sent them messages saying I needed alone time.
> Was this wrong?


Not wrong at all. It's respectable. You told them you need time. It's a good thing.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Same here, it is a weird feeling that is for sure. I am not sure if it's good or bad, especially after you all were yelling at me about my view on me doing my own thing and not waiting around for someone now while in a relationship and telling me how wrong I am for feeling this way.


Its good...

we were yelling at you for other stuff Another..


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Its good...
> 
> *we were yelling at you for other stuff Another..*


Yup. Had nothing to do with you wanting to keep your individual self.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sounds like a good plan ne.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

All the sex talk has me happy it's "no kids night"!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> All the sex talk has me happy it's "no kids night"!!!!


Have fun!
I'm not getting any for a while, it's going to be forever... like 3 days I think


----------



## unsure78

yea the poor guy is going to get jumped pretty much as soon as i see him.....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> Have fun!
> I'm not getting any for a while, it's going to be forever... like 3 days I think


Well..... last night was no kids night too, AND this morning was "wake up and no kid morning shower time" SO....... I should theoretically be tired. 


NAH.:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

You guys are killing me...


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh 3x, it's not so bad. You were recently getting steady sex. I haven't had sex since a million years ago. So really, you aren't faring too badly.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Oh 3x, it's not so bad. You were recently getting steady sex. I haven't had sex since a million years ago. So really, you aren't faring too badly.


Jelly get online. .. I think VI is right you need to put yourself out there more...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Jelly get online. .. I think VI is right you need to put yourself out there more...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup times have changed. Hard to meet people the old fashioned way anymore. If you want to get laid, get out there!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup
> 
> * times have changed. Hard to meet people the old fashioned way anymore*.
> 
> *If you want to get laid, get out there!*


:rofl:

This need to be a dating website's slogan!


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> Ugh.....
> 
> I am raining on the sex parade it seems. Latest from ex, he sent me a heartfelt message.
> 
> "As I have needed my space to sort through everything; i am going to give you yours at your request. I wish you the best in your quest in finding happiness. May you find all the things in life you seek to find yourself. Know I am sorry for my part in hurting you, and send you my deepest apologies to you and have found forgiveness in the hurt I have caused and hurt I have received.
> 
> We may never be together as we once were. I have asked you in my email for you to call me when you feel , if ever, up to it and if you come to reconsider your position. May God Bless You to the fullest, he give you strengh and you find peace within yourself and in life. With the deepest and Sincere Love,
> I wish you happiness."
> 
> Here I go feeling guilty, mainly for sleeping with blue eyes, and for not wanting to try again. I will call him today after work. He knows I do not want to reconsider anything. I do not want to, and yet, I feel awful and guilty.
> 
> A thought just came into my mind... he is probably arquing with the woman who lives with him, or she is not as great as he thought she was...


Well he clearly has some time on his hands to be feeling you out again....just sayin'. Why even call? You don't want to get back with him. I'm going to guess you don't care to be his relationship therapist for whatever woman has left the building. I'm going to also guess that you don't want to be the side piece to scratch whatever itch the live-in isn't taking care of either. All you'll accomplish by calling is keeping yourself mired in his pity party. Whatever his motivation is, he's blatantly, blatantly trying to manipulate you in to something. Why feed his power trip?


----------



## Lon

I agree with Gypsy Ne, there is nothing wrong with simply ignoring his message.


----------



## Disenchanted

block him

save yourself the distress


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> I agree with Gypsy Ne, there is nothing wrong with simply ignoring his message.










Disenchanted said:


> block him
> 
> save yourself the distress


All of this plus find an IC.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Yes
> I am beginning to see how an emotionally healthy person has boundaries. Whereas the text seems innocent, heartfelt, and a bit romantic, most of you see the reality behind it.
> I cannot yet see it.
> I will get myself into IC, I need it.


Ne none of that text was innocent, heartfelt, and it definitely was not romantic! It was however chock full of BS. It was like he wrote you a manipulitive poem :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

manipulation through self pity

block him


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Ne none of that text was innocent, heartfelt, and it definitely was not romantic! It was however chock full of BS. It was like he wrote you a manipulitive poem :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: You have no children with this man, WHY are you continuing to have contact? Why put yourself through this, time and time again? :scratchhead: Block him and move on with your life.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> :iagree: You have no children with this man, WHY are you continuing to have contact? Why put yourself through this, time and time again? :scratchhead: Block him and move on with your life.


co-pedendency.


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> manipulation through self pity
> 
> block him


:iagree:

I hate that sh!t!!!!!!!!

Whats funny, is if you don't' give in to the self pity manipulation b.s. they fall off the face of the planet. So its actually ironic that they claim all these lovey dovey you are awesome I miss you so much blah blah blah pity pity pity cry cry cry victim victim victim, but the second you don't fall for it, you usually don't hear from them again.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I hate that sh!t!!!!!!!!
> 
> Whats funny, is if you don't' give in to the self pity manipulation b.s. *they fall off the face of the planet.* So its actually ironic that they claim all these lovey dovey you are awesome I miss you so much blah blah blah pity pity pity cry cry cry victim victim victim, but the second you don't fall for it, you usually don't hear from them again.


I HOPE this happens with ne's ex! I really do.


----------



## RandomDude

Tempted to just ram #2 and get it out of my system for now, despite her rather strange behaviour


----------



## Dollystanford

you silver-tongued devil


----------



## coffee4me

RandomDude said:


> Tempted to just ram #2 and get it out of my system for now, despite her rather strange behaviour


Gosh that's so romantic


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> you silver-tongued devil





coffee4me said:


> Gosh that's so romantic


lol :rofl:


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> Tempted to just ram #2 and get it out of my system for now, despite her rather strange behaviour


----------



## lisab0105

I need some eyes!!!

Check it out guys and let me know if I should add any other categories.. 

Launch is May 1st!

http://lovefoolsingles.com/forum/


----------



## coffee4me

lisab0105 said:


> I need some eyes!!!
> 
> Check it out guys and let me know if I should add any other categories..
> 
> Launch is May 1st!
> 
> http://lovefoolsingles.com/forum/


The topic selection is great! There really seems to be something there for everyone.


----------



## lisab0105

coffee4me said:


> The topic selection is great! There really seems to be something there for everyone.


Thanks C4M! Muskrat thought of some of them for me. :smthumbup: and I was inspired by LAD for some!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Looks great Lisa!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Tempted to just ram #2 and get it out of my system for now, despite her rather strange behaviour


l say go for it.

Wish it worked like that for me but once l start it only fuels the fire doesn't put it out.
l'm housebound love life wise this wk because l've got my d , God love her  
But after cracking on 32's lounge floor last wk all night , l can't think. l hope she has some crotches or somem in the cupboard at home though because come next wk - haha , she's gonna need assistance in walking for awhile :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Im trying to be patient because of his situation....
> 
> but I dont like feeling like im waiting on him, reminds me of my marriage...
> 
> lol i already have backup plans for the weekend if I get canceled on (not a date)... I want to go out, look beautiful, and have a fun time... I am not sitting around waiting this weekend
> 
> its actually weird... i really really like him but have no qualms breaking up with him either.... this is a more recent experience for me not being codependent....



Makes me feel so guilty. Everyone's waited on me so far and now 32 is waiting on me. l've felt really bad about it and l've blown some good things holding off too long or- at the same time not giving something a chance - work out that contradiction in terms . l dunno , l just can't jump at anything right now , it doesn't seem to matter what the package is .
Well apart from 32's bones anyway


----------



## Nsweet

Hello everyone.


----------



## whitehawk

Hey ns , how're you keeping .


----------



## Fenix

lisab0105 said:


> I need some eyes!!!
> 
> Check it out guys and let me know if I should add any other categories..
> 
> Launch is May 1st!
> 
> â€¢ Index page


Looks good, but get rid of the apostrophe on Dating Ideas. 

Also in the following: Find The Best Person 
To *Compliment* --> complement 
Your Life


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> I need some eyes!!!
> 
> Check it out guys and let me know if I should add any other categories..
> 
> Launch is May 1st!
> 
> • Index page


Lisa the whole site looks amazing! :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

What the hell does it mean "I want to twerk your face?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> What the hell does it mean "I want to twerk your face?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ROFLOLOLOLOLing!!! It means she wants to ride your face lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> What the hell does it mean "I want to twerk your face?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like this girl. She's a keeper.


----------



## Another Planet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDWxkp2DfDM


----------



## bandit.45

Oh ........




Guys, I don't know if I can handle this chick.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

Fenix said:


> Looks good, but get rid of the apostrophe on Dating Ideas.
> 
> Also in the following: Find The Best Person
> To *Compliment* --> complement
> Your Life


Thanks!! I look at it so much I don't see the typos anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Lisa the whole site looks amazing! :smthumbup:


Thank you!!!!!!! Glad you think so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Oh ........
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Guys, I don't know if I can handle this chick.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol: :rofl: omg I am laughing so hard I am crying


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I like this girl. She's a keeper.


Lmao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I mean.....fvck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Hey ns , how're you keeping .


I'm holding it together. How about yourself?


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> What the hell does it mean "I want to twerk your face?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know what I want it to mean.:smthumbup:

"So long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit my dear."


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> What the hell does it mean "I want to twerk your face?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wants to ride your face like a cowgirl


----------



## bandit.45

This chick is a freak. Man......I just don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

And bandit, you are doing something right for her to keep coming onto you like this. 

Did you read the comments earlier about good penis? Well you must have one according to your girl


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Kind of an unsexy way to say it, though...maybe its just me!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Kind of an unsexy way to say it, though...maybe its just me!


Hmmmm I would say something similar just more in terms with my generation with a guy that made me all hot and bothered


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> And bandit, you are doing something right for her to keep coming onto you like this.
> 
> Did you read the comments earlier about good penis? Well you must have one according to your girl


No. I give good oral . I have a rather run of the mill penis. 

But I want be thought of as more than just a playground for females. I want to be appreciated for my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> No. I give good oral . I have a rather run of the mill penis.
> 
> But I want be thought of as more than just a playground for females. I want to be appreciated for my mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Riiiiggghhht....


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Kind of an unsexy way to say it, though...maybe its just me!



She's only what 28? It's a completely different mindset than we have. 

She is trying to make herself indispensable to Bandit, so he keeps her around. Maybe hoping if she can make him fall in love with her p*ssy, he will fall for her too. Chicks in their twenties full on believe the way to a guys heart is to talk dirty and f*ck his brains out. And in some cases, it works. In other's, not so much.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> No. I give good oral . I have a rather run of the mill penis.
> 
> But I want be thought of as more than just a playground for females. I want to be appreciated for my mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit buddy, that is a great talent to have. I met a guy like that, if he wasn't crazy I would still be seeing him, lol!!!!! 

Anyways, intelligence turns a woman on too. You're doing just fine, don't over analyze things


----------



## bandit.45

True. I have a first rate brain. She ignores that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> This chick is a freak. Man......I just don't know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you still want to fvck her WHY?

If the woman is more than a little off and throwing sex at you like it's going out of style.... Chances are she's bat sh!t crazy and giving it to you so you'll put up with her b!tchy bat sh!t crazy side a few months later. 

Learn from your ex wife man. Get in there, get it over with, and leave stealthily like a Navy seal. Just for the love of God don't fall in love with her because the sex is good.


----------



## bandit.45

lisab0105 said:


> She's only what 28? It's a completely different mindset than we have.
> 
> She is trying to make herself indispensable to Bandit, so he keeps her around. Maybe hoping if she can make him fall in love with her p*ssy, he will fall for her too. Chicks in their twenties full on believe the way to a guys heart is to talk dirty and f*ck his brains out. And in some cases, it works. In other's, not so much.


Ohhhhhhhh.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> She wants to ride your face like a cowgirl


Or a reverse cowgirl.

That's that's way I like it.:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> And you still want to fvck her WHY?
> 
> If the woman is more than a little off and throwing sex at you like it's going out of style.... Chances are she's bat sh!t crazy and giving it to you so you'll put up with her b!tchy bat sh!t crazy side a few months later.
> 
> Learn from your ex wife man. Get in there, get it over with, and leave stealthily like a Navy seal. Just for the love of God don't fall in love with her because the sex is good.


Yeah......


But you should see her naked. Momma.!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah......
> 
> 
> But you should see her naked. Momma.!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^^Things I have actually said about strippers I used to bang. And they turned out to be decent women with a lot of class - NOT!

Mind you I used to go after gothic chicks and emo slvts, and they tended to be ridiculously hot, have tongue and genital or nipple piercings, and do anything you wanted.... If you made them cry and feel like sh!t first. Didn't even have to be mean, just started getting them thinking about daddy.

Trust me man, crazy women are fun and exciting at first, and they're really really hot in bed. Porn star hot. But after they think they have you they start bleeding out some crazy until they're unleashing it all on you and you're miserable. And do you really want another woman like your ex wife?

That's why I will never marry a woman who would want me forever after the first month.


----------



## coffee4me

Nsweet said:


> That's why I will never marry a woman who would want me forever after the first month.


Good thinking. I would be leery of anyone who wanted me forever too


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> What the hell does it mean "I want to twerk your face?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did she really say that to you? Oo



Nsweet said:


> Get in there, get it over with, *and leave stealthily like a Navy seal*.


:rofl: I love the stealthy comment, Nsweet!


----------



## RandomDude

coffee4me said:


> Gosh that's so romantic


What?
It's not like I give a sh-t about her lol



whitehawk said:


> l say go for it.
> 
> Wish it worked like that for me but once l start it only fuels the fire doesn't put it out.
> l'm housebound love life wise this wk because l've got my d , God love her
> But after cracking on 32's lounge floor last wk all night , l can't think. l hope she has some crotches or somem in the cupboard at home though because come next wk - haha , she's gonna need assistance in walking for awhile :rofl:


Sure, already organised for tonight and hope she keeps her mouth shut as to not turn me off like last time... worse comes to worse might gag her - gentlemanly of course 

Besides she might even like it 

Bah I'm such an ass


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> What?
> It's not like I give a sh-t about her lol
> 
> Sure, already organised for tonight and hope she keeps her mouth shut as to not turn me off like last time... worse comes to worse might gag her - gentlemanly of course
> 
> Besides she might even like it
> 
> Bah I'm such an ass


What a disgusting post...


----------



## RandomDude

Yup I'm a douche


----------



## Nsweet

If you're going to tie a woman up and put a gag in her mouth......

The least you can do is let her twerk your face off first.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> What a disgusting post...


Aww, it made me laugh out loud.... I need laughter, lots and lots of laughter.
Keep being an ass RD, well at least until my sadness goes away.


----------



## coffee4me

RandomDude said:


> Bah I'm such an ass


Agree!


----------



## Nsweet

Nah man, the key to getting lots of woman is to just enough of an ass without being just a complete douche bag. 

That and you have to show her and only her a softer side and that potential that you might be an incredible partner, if she could nag you in the right direction and "change you".:rofl:

I like to think of it like pretending you were never married and somehow she was special enough to trap you.


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> What?
> It's not like I give a sh-t about her lol
> 
> 
> 
> Sure, already organised for tonight and hope she keeps her mouth shut as to not turn me off like last time... worse comes to worse might gag her - gentlemanly of course
> 
> Besides she might even like it
> 
> Bah I'm such an ass


You make me want to punch my computer screen and send you the bill for a new one.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Yup I'm a douche


The way you speak of women isn't "being a douche". It's sad and disrespectful.


----------



## Another Planet

The strange thing I have noticed about so called "alpha" maleness is that they act like they don't give a **** about women by abusing them but their whole life revolves around getting ***** like they have something to prove. So inadvertently they are actually controlled by women because without the ***** they would be nothing. Or at least men who act like they are alpha.
Me on the other hand I could really give a ****, I have other interests on my mind and getting some fun time with a girl I dig is just like icing on the cake.


----------



## 06Daddio08

There's a difference between being alpha and being a narcissist.


----------



## Sandfly

RandomDude, that was pretty cruddy, 

You're not helping yourself by thinking so cynically and user-y.

After all, wasn't it your impression that women are out to use you, to size you up? 

If you really feel that being a user is wrong, you have to not be doing the same thing yourself. When we delight in things we feel are wrong, we rot inside... sure it may take a while for the emptiness to surface in your conscious mind, but once it's there, the regret is forever.

For all you know, re-incarnation might be real, and it could turn out that all the sh*t you've experienced, has been _you _ doing it to _you_ 

Maybe you're not ready to see women again, till you sort your head out.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> The strange thing I have noticed about so called "alpha" maleness is that they act like they don't give a **** about women by abusing them but their whole life revolves around getting ***** like they have something to prove. So inadvertently they are actually controlled by women because without the ***** they would be nothing. Or at least men who act like they are alpha.
> Me on the other hand I could really give a ****, I have other interests on my mind and getting some fun time with a girl I dig is just like icing on the cake.


You don't eve have to be an "alpha male" to do this and have women fighting for you. You just have to spend so much time around women that you get sick of them. That's it! 

You spend enough time around women to get sick of them and stop putting up with anything that you don't like, and you don't let any flirting or pretty looks change your mind, you'll get any woman you want. 

Her sexual powers, feigning tears, and mind games won't work on you... Then you'll be that special guy that is hard to get. 

And just so I'm super clear here. You don't have to be a d!ck. Ignoring a woman and delaying your responses to her texts and phone calls works just as well.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> What?
> It's not like I give a sh-t about her lol
> 
> 
> 
> Sure, already organised for tonight and hope she keeps her mouth shut as to not turn me off like last time... worse comes to worse might gag her - gentlemanly of course
> 
> Besides she might even like it
> 
> Bah I'm such an ass





3Xnocharm said:


> What a disgusting post...





Nsweet said:


> You don't eve have to be an "alpha male" to do this and have women fighting for you. You just have to spend so much time around women that you get sick of them. That's it!
> 
> You spend enough time around women to get sick of them and stop putting up with anything that you don't like, and you don't let any flirting or pretty looks change your mind, you'll get any woman you want.
> 
> Her sexual powers, feigning tears, and mind games won't work on you... Then you'll be that special guy that is hard to get.
> 
> And just so I'm super clear here. You don't have to be a d!ck. Ignoring a woman and *delaying your responses to her texts and phone calls works just as well*.


Why? :scratchhead:
I want an accent to my life not a play thing but an equal. I have nothing to prove and I don't need anyone, I can take care of myself. If I need something from someone I just hire them to do the job. 
Some of you are like trying all these weird games to get a mate but I'm just me and will continue being me and if someone comes along that fits into my life then that is awesome...AND I have found that someone for the time being 
Crazy thing I didn't have to abuse her to get her interest in me.


----------



## Nsweet

You call it playing games. I call it not putting some woman I just met on top of my priorities list and chasing her away before I get to know her. I don't always ignore women intentionally or play games, but it happens and I don't always get to the phone on time or feel like talking. 

Got it?

If it was a game it would be fun. It's not. It's just putting yourself first and not acting like a *stupid teenager waiting by the phone and playing games to get someone to like you when you're 35-40yrs old and have kids.* Get the hint?


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> You call it playing games. I call it not putting some woman I just met on top of my priorities list and chasing her away before I get to know her. I don't always ignore women intentionally or play games, but it happens and I don't always get to the phone on time or feel like talking.
> 
> Got it?
> 
> If it was a game it would be fun. It's not. It's just putting yourself first and not acting like a *stupid teenager waiting by the phone and playing games to get someone to like you when you're 35-40yrs old and have kids.* Get the hint?


That's what I'm saying...tail is not on my top list of priorities so my phone goes unanswered sometimes and I do what I want...like take off on my adventures for days at a time with out her with no remorse, it's not my fault she doesn't fit in to every crevice of my life.


----------



## Another Planet

For the record RD I could care less about what you are doing, honestly if the women you are involved with didn't want it they wouldn't take it :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

Because someone would eventually post this video after today's discussions. 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Because someone would eventually post this video after today's discussions.
> 
> Show Me Your Genitals - YouTube


No I don't think anyone would have posted that lol. I have been to the deepest depths of Youtube and have never seen that vid rofl


----------



## Another Planet

So this one time at band camp...
Nsweet why are we the last ones left on here a lot of times lol


----------



## Nsweet

My life's goal before I leave this place it to make it with at least one nurse. 

That's right, I said it. 

These nurses here are ridiculously hot. My psychologist.... My god she's got a big ol booty and she knows every man looks at her. There are a few hot chicks going through rehab too... All smokers, and you know what that means. 

The other day I saw this Asian nurse that looked like she was tired and upset. Cute as a button too wearing her doctors coat and a stripped shirt... at least from far away. Damn stripes created an illusion.... She was like 9 months pregnant with a beach ball. 

And what is up with these women Pakistani doctors? They're all like 4 ft and some change and wear way too much jewelry. So when you run into them because you can't see them.... you can still hear them jingle.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> I'm holding it together. How about yourself?


In all honesty , about the same .


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> She wants to ride your face like a cowgirl



Hmm, this is interesting , my handbag calls herself cowgirl*** , funny really


----------



## whitehawk

lisab0105 said:


> She's only what 28? It's a completely different mindset than we have.
> 
> She is trying to make herself indispensable to Bandit, so he keeps her around. Maybe hoping if she can make him fall in love with her p*ssy, he will fall for her too. Chicks in their twenties full on believe the way to a guys heart is to talk dirty and f*ck his brains out. And in some cases, it works. In other's, not so much.



Works for me :rofl:


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I mean.....fvck!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Count your blessings and eff her senseless for a while.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> This chick is a freak. Man......I just don't know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't mean to be weird or cavalier, but...is that a bad thing? If so, why? Is it that she wants too much sex? Is it that she's too assertive in expressing what she wants? I don't understand the negative....

Nsweet also commented on the freaky sex being a sign of bad things or insanity. Do men really stop seeing women because they're too freaky? I guess it's possible, but it surprises me that openness about sexuality translates to crazy. 

Why am I asking? The guy I was hanging out with did, at one point, say that he thought I was all innocent and didn't expect me to be such a freak; he also said that I would probably enjoy porn and should do it because I was like a porn star. Does that secretly mean "I don't trust you because you like sex a lot and that means you're crazy, I'm going to quit seeing you."? I honestly don't see the negative. Too eager might mean something's off, but it doesn't have to mean that...right? Of course, I may well be crazy, but I don't think I am.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Why? :scratchhead:
> I want an accent to my life not a play thing but an equal. I have nothing to prove and I don't need anyone, I can take care of myself. If I need something from someone I just hire them to do the job.
> Some of you are like trying all these weird games to get a mate but I'm just me and will continue being me and if someone comes along that fits into my life then that is awesome...AND I have found that someone for the time being
> Crazy thing I didn't have to abuse her to get her interest in me.



Yeah pretty well my thing to AP . l have nothing , no ideas, game plans, l'm just me and if they don't like that then so be it . Does me just fine :smthumbup: , actually too well lately ! :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> This chick is a freak. Man......I just don't know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Stuff has actually been crossing my mind a bit with her tbh to B.


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> ^^Things I have actually said about strippers I used to bang. And they turned out to be decent women with a lot of class - NOT!
> 
> Mind you I used to go after gothic chicks and emo slvts, and they tended to be ridiculously hot, have tongue and genital or nipple piercings, and do anything you wanted.... If you made them cry and feel like sh!t first. Didn't even have to be mean, just started getting them thinking about daddy.
> 
> Trust me man, crazy women are fun and exciting at first, and they're really really hot in bed. Porn star hot. But after they think they have you they start bleeding out some crazy until they're unleashing it all on you and you're miserable. And do you really want another woman like your ex wife?
> 
> That's why I will never marry a woman who would want me forever after the first month.



Man you're just Mr. Cheermeup. 


Thanks pup, but I've been around the block a few times. I won't stick my neck out.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I don't mean to be weird or cavalier, but...is that a bad thing? If so, why? Is it that she wants too much sex? Is it that she's too assertive in expressing what she wants? I don't understand the negative....
> 
> Nsweet also commented on the freaky sex being a sign of bad things or insanity. Do men really stop seeing women because they're too freaky? I guess it's possible, but it surprises me that openness about sexuality translates to crazy.
> 
> Why am I asking? The guy I was hanging out with did, at one point, say that he thought I was all innocent and didn't expect me to be such a freak; he also said that I would probably enjoy porn and should do it because I was like a porn star. Does that secretly mean "I don't trust you because you like sex a lot and that means you're crazy, I'm going to quit seeing you."? I honestly don't see the negative. Too eager might mean something's off, but it doesn't have to mean that...right? Of course, I may well be crazy, but I don't think I am.



lt's hard to explain Mox but there's so many things in this stuff , it'd be a mile long reply .
But yeah , if that's all she can think about for me anyway , yep it is a bad thing . And it'll become a real turn off , sorry B .


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I don't mean to be weird or cavalier, but...is that a bad thing? If so, why? Is it that she wants too much sex? Is it that she's too assertive in expressing what she wants? I don't understand the negative....
> 
> Nsweet also commented on the freaky sex being a sign of bad things or insanity. Do men really stop seeing women because they're too freaky? I guess it's possible, but it surprises me that openness about sexuality translates to crazy.
> 
> Why am I asking? The guy I was hanging out with did, at one point, say that he thought I was all innocent and didn't expect me to be such a freak; he also said that I would probably enjoy porn and should do it because I was like a porn star. Does that secretly mean "I don't trust you because you like sex a lot and that means you're crazy, I'm going to quit seeing you."? I honestly don't see the negative. Too eager might mean something's off, but it doesn't have to mean that...right? Of course, I may well be crazy, but I don't think I am.


I'm mostly just playin.... Actually I really like her. She's a hell of alot of fun, but she'll just text me out of the blue with wild stuff like that. Catches me off guard. 

Personally I like agressive women, who know what they want and have no problem telling you. 

If you had told me what you told him it would turn me on big time.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Count your blessings and eff her senseless for a while.


Oh I plan too. Up until last weekend I went without sex for close to a year and I need to make up for lost time.


----------



## whitehawk

l had this 18yr old and l can tell you all this 30s prime bs , at 18 she's just like a guy , it's all she thinks about.
Well l use to think as l was laying there getting mauled day after day, among lots and lots of other goodies , l must be the luckiest guy alive . But l tell ya , 6wks later she was making me sick and l was literally telling her to just fkg leave it alone for awhile . lt really began turning me off and l gave her the flick in the end .
Probably sounds weird coming from a guy but eh , we need more to in the end.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Oh I plan too. Up until last weekend I went without sex for close to a year and I need to make up for lost time.



Haha , perfect plan B :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

We're having a barbie on Sat for Easter and after that l'm a free agent for the whole of Easter.

l'm thinking of forgetting women , forgetting 32 , and just taking of for a few days on my own .


----------



## bandit.45

Hop in the car and go on a vision quest. Don't plan it...just go.


----------



## whitehawk

B , that is your best idea today :smthumbup: , actually 2nd best.
l won't think of anything l'll just pack after the barbie and drive out the gate, l like it


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmmmm Friday date was rescheduled to sat. I have to say I like this guy and was hurt thinking no plans with him this weekend. Makes me want to say **** it to dating in general. Not sure how I feel right now other than not being good enough for anyone. :thumbdown:

I feel very fragile and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate this feeling. It makes me want to be solitary the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone completely then get hurt again.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmmm Friday date was rescheduled to sat. I have to say I like this guy and was hurt thinking no plans with him this weekend. Makes me want to say **** it to dating in general. Not sure how I feel right now other than not being good enough for anyone. :thumbdown:
> 
> I feel very fragile and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate this feeling. It makes me want to be solitary the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone completely then get hurt again.


Are you upset that it was rescheduled or afraid that he's stringing you along with a reschedule as an excuse?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Are you upset that it was rescheduled or afraid that he's stringing you along with a reschedule as an excuse?


Thinking the latter. But it shouldn't matter, right? I should be able just to say "whatever" and move on. Ugh I hate what my marriage did to me in regards to trust and confidence. I hate how my LDR ended. That caused more trust issues. Bah, maybe I should just go to bed


----------



## RandomDude

Sandfly said:


> RandomDude, that was pretty cruddy,
> 
> You're not helping yourself by thinking so cynically and user-y.
> 
> After all, wasn't it your impression that women are out to use you, to size you up?


She knows she pissed me off by calling me a boytoy the other day, she thinks of me as a c--k on a stick. So why am I bothering seeing her tonight?

Cause the women who I WAS dating / being a gentleman with, #1 decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still not divorced (and possibly because I haven't revealed to her my finances yet), #3 decided she wants someone with a degree and career-minded (I'm neither  I'm just established with my business lol - but she didn't know that  )



> If you really feel that being a user is wrong, you have to not be doing the same thing yourself. When we delight in things we feel are wrong, we rot inside... sure it may take a while for the emptiness to surface in your conscious mind, but once it's there, the regret is forever.
> 
> For all you know, re-incarnation might be real, and it could turn out that all the sh*t you've experienced, has been _you _ doing it to _you_
> 
> Maybe you're not ready to see women again, till you sort your head out.


I'm going to be honest with my intentions as I've always been. I'm not leading her on, if she decides she wants more then my body then she can bite the dust like the other two.

Regardless she's coming over soon.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> These nurses here are ridiculously hot. My psychologist.... My god she's got a big ol booty and she knows every man looks at her. .


:rofl:



moxy said:


> Why am I asking? The guy I was hanging out with did, at one point, say that he thought I was all innocent and didn't expect me to be such a freak; h*e also said that I would probably enjoy porn and should do it because I was like a porn star.*


That last comment would have pissed me off. You shoul do porn cause you like sex? Um, maybe he should to. That is a jerk comment, if you ask me. Some men like to use women's sexuality against them. And I think that wrong.



bandit.45 said:


> Oh I plan too. Up until last weekend I went without sex for close to a year and I need to make up for lost time.


:smthumbup:



whitehawk said:


> l had this 18yr old and l can tell you all this 30s prime bs , at 18 she's just like a guy , it's all she thinks about.
> Well l use to think as l was laying there getting mauled day after day, among lots and lots of other goodies , l must be the luckiest guy alive . But l tell ya , 6wks later she was making me sick and l was literally telling her to just fkg leave it alone for awhile . lt really began turning me off and l gave her the flick in the end .


Be careful what you wish for? 



vi_bride04 said:


> I feel very fragile and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate this feeling. It makes me want to be solitary the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone completely then get hurt again.


Oh I know that feeling, dear. If there's one thing my divorce has made me is even quicker to tell people to fck off. I am no one to chase. If someone isn't reciprocating I'm all GOODBYE and not looking back. Cheer up, though. You know we have to sift through a lot of ick before we get to something good.


----------



## unsure78

Morning all.. I now have two sets of potential backup plans for tonight...so im all good
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmm I would say something similar just more in terms with my generation with a guy that made me all hot and bothered


Yeah. I recently asked a guy to keep his beard as I wanted to feel it other places*. He loved that.


*In the interest of full disclosure, I had never dated a guy with a beard before and I really was very, very curious.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Why? :scratchhead:
> I want an accent to my life not a play thing but an equal. I have nothing to prove and I don't need anyone, I can take care of myself. If I need something from someone I just hire them to do the job.
> Some of you are like trying all these weird games to get a mate but I'm just me and will continue being me and if someone comes along that fits into my life then that is awesome...AND I have found that someone for the time being
> Crazy thing I didn't have to abuse her to get her interest in me.


Yes.

But some of you, go ahead and play your games. Then, see what you catch. I find that those who respond to the types of games being discussed are pretty much not worth having.


----------



## Jellybeans

And I find the ones who play games are not worth being with.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Crazy thing I didn't have to abuse her to get her interest in me.


Why would you think you have to abuse a woman in order to get her interested in you?


----------



## jpr

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Why would you think you have to abuse a woman in order to get her interested in you?


I think he is referring to the tendency for some men to deliberately act uninterested, not return texts for days, and break plans.....and make references about hoping a woman doesnt open her mouth too much on a date so he still feels up to sexing her at the end of the night. 

Maybe I am wrong about what exactly he is referring to.....but, one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone doesnt answer a text or a straight forward question because they are playing some sort of self centered dating game.

It is cruel. ....it is messes with people's emotions. Somewhere along the way in this dating game, you need to remember that you are dating a human being. ....with thoughts and feelings. There is not need to torture their heart by ignoring attempts at communication...whether it is deliberate or not.


I wish people in the dating game would just be kinder.


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> She knows she pissed me off by calling me a boytoy the other day, she thinks of me as a c--k on a stick. So why am I bothering seeing her tonight?
> 
> Cause the women who I WAS dating / being a gentleman with, #1 decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still not divorced (and possibly because I haven't revealed to her my finances yet), #3 decided she wants someone with a degree and career-minded (I'm neither  I'm just established with my business lol - but she didn't know that  )
> 
> 
> 
> I'm going to be honest with my intentions as I've always been. I'm not leading her on, if she decides she wants more then my body then she can bite the dust like the other two.
> 
> Regardless she's coming over soon.


But you _are_ a boy toy. You are a male blowup doll. You use women and you managed to find one to use you right back and you don't like it. You actually have the nerve to be offended despite the idiotic things you post about women here. You use them, you degrade them and you put them down behind their back. This chick just has the balls to use you to your face. You put her down for being too easy and yet you just said if she wants more than your body she can hit the road like the rest. 

You, sir...have zero class.


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone doesnt answer a text or a straight forward question because they are playing some sort of self centered dating game.
> 
> It is cruel. ....it is messes with people's emotions.
> 
> I wish people in the dating game would just be kinder.


Yeah I hate that too and also wish people were more straightforward.


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I hate that too and also wish people were more straightforward.


Unfortunately, many people (men & women) believe the _play hard to get_ shenanigans is the best way to reel them in.


----------



## whitehawk

But to , to be fair on yourselves , not everyone that doesn't answer is playing games.
l usually take hours at least or next day.
l don't carry my phone with me and l often get sick of it to so it's usually round the house somewhere or switched down.
Most people know my habits by now and know l'll get back to them when l either have time or bother to check it.

So it's nothing personal.


----------



## whitehawk

Just on another angel with stuff up there .
Well one , a lot of women are ego maniacs to, it's true . So if you hold back on them they will come chasing you to test themselves on you and find out why or , alternatively it does also attract them . So in many ways they're just as much to blame because they'll play all sorts of games too.
But on another side of the coin , a lot of guys do just naturally need to get a little bit to give a little bit , it'll be a step by step thing. Give get , give a bit more get a bit more . Lots of us do like some indication and often tackle it like that. But you wouldn't call that a game it's just part of the ritual and self preservation on both parts.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> But I want be thought of as more than just a playground for females. I want to be appreciated for my mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmmm Friday date was rescheduled to sat. I have to say I like this guy and was hurt thinking no plans with him this weekend. Makes me want to say **** it to dating in general. Not sure how I feel right now other than not being good enough for anyone. :thumbdown:
> 
> I feel very fragile and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate this feeling. It makes me want to be solitary the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone completely then get hurt again.


So sorry Vi, I know that feeling and I hate that feeling


----------



## Dedicated2Her

This is exactly what I imagine goes through some of the girls' heads when it looks like they have a good "date" or "prospect" or "have been dating for a couple of weeks" and it doesn't work out......


----------



## Jellybeans

Can't see the pic. What is it?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Can't see the pic. What is it?


Dang it JB. You can never see gifs.....


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait, I looked it up on my phone. That is funny, D2H.

But for me, it's more like this


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> This chick is a freak. Man......I just don't know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Speaking of being objectified, I got this text this morning "Hey my man candy, I'm hopping in the shower. My breasts are just filthy, you haven't washed them for me in days!"

When we shower I always scold her for letting her breasts get so filthy dirty, then I wash them for her.

Hey B, when I dated a younger woman for a while, I pretty much assumed it wouldn't last, and I was right. But those 2 months were awesome for us both. We had so much fun and it ended very well, a super clean breakup. I have zero regrets.

Just enjoy what you got while you have it and don't future trip man! Get your rocks off, you deserve it if anyone does! And if she's having a good time then there should be absolutely no guilty feelings.

Now get in there!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Why would you think you have to abuse a woman in order to get her interested in you?





jpr said:


> I think he is referring to the tendency for some men to deliberately act uninterested, not return texts for days, and break plans.....and make references about hoping a woman doesnt open her mouth too much on a date so he still feels up to sexing her at the end of the night.
> 
> Maybe I am wrong about what exactly he is referring to.....but, one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone doesnt answer a text or a straight forward question because they are playing some sort of self centered dating game.
> 
> It is cruel. ....it is messes with people's emotions. Somewhere along the way in this dating game, you need to remember that you are dating a human being. ....with thoughts and feelings. There is not need to torture their heart by ignoring attempts at communication...whether it is deliberate or not.
> 
> 
> I wish people in the dating game would just be kinder.


Yes that is what I am referring to. I do consider it abuse, it is leading a woman's emotions on and keeping her in a mental limbo tricking her into thinking that she is lesser then you so for some stupid fkn reason she chases you. In the end all you end up with is another shallow ****ty relationship...boy that sounds like a ton of fun 
It doesn't really matter to me anyway I wouldn't want to be with a weak minded woman who falls for that crap anyway. My kind of women kick a man in the balls and walk away for pulling that kind of **** 
I just sit back grab a drink and watch the circus.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

It's a girl at a baseball game and someone is throwing her a game ball. Her expression is one of excitement until at the very last moment some kid snatches it right before it hits her hands.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> My kind of women kick a man in the balls and walk away for pulling that kind of ****


:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

The gym is a great place to work off some frustration. I think I'll spend some time there after my teaching day is done and before my grading marathon. 

I wasn't offended by Guy's porn comment because I don't take things said in bed as seriously as those said in moments of equanimity. I did, however, find it logically suspect. Perhaps there was something to it that I should have been more aware of or offended by, but...I just want to be myself without the "who do you want me to be for you? business" and the worry about judgment, so, whatever; c'est la vie. Of course, now I can't help thinking about it all and wondering about modifying my behavior.

Campus is quiet and serene this morning. I'm having a coffee on the bench by the quad and thinking about this afternoon's lecture. Some days, I love my life.


----------



## Jellybeans

Moxy, your story kind of reminds me of a guy I was dating. I felt like he came on really strong and then when we finally became intimate, he held it against me. He was all "You want to have sex...again?" And essentially made little comments about me wanting sex. Like it wasn't allowed or something. 

This was after my ex, who used to want to bang me if the wind blew just slightly, 24/7. So it was weird fo rme. And I decided, I am never ever going to be with a man who makes me feel bad for wanting to HAVE SEX. What in the FCK is that about? I mean, it's not like I'm an easy lay anyway. LOL. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). So when I go there with a guy I want to go there over and over and over again. Because WHY NOT?



moxy said:


> Campus is quiet and serene this morning. I'm having a coffee on the bench by the quad and thinking about this afternoon's lecture. Some days, I love my life.


Sounds delightful.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmmm Friday date was rescheduled to sat. I have to say I like this guy and was hurt thinking no plans with him this weekend. Makes me want to say **** it to dating in general. Not sure how I feel right now other than not being good enough for anyone. :thumbdown:
> 
> I feel very fragile and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate this feeling. It makes me want to be solitary the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone completely then get hurt again.


Oh Vi.... I am so sorry, about all this. 
It will be okay, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon.
You are better than good enough. You are amazing, dont give up on you..


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> So when I go there with a guy I want to go there over and over and over again. Because WHY NOT?


Agreed.......However, sometimes guys need to recharge. This morning............I'm done. I got nothing left. I need a day or two. LOL.


----------



## Pluto2

vi_bride04 said:


> Hmmmmm Friday date was rescheduled to sat. I have to say I like this guy and was hurt thinking no plans with him this weekend. Makes me want to say **** it to dating in general. Not sure how I feel right now other than not being good enough for anyone. :thumbdown:
> 
> I feel very fragile and I absolutely hate hate hate hate hate this feeling. It makes me want to be solitary the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone completely then get hurt again.


Hugs VI
I can relate. My kids want me to date, but there are still days I barely feel like I can stand without crumbling. Guess it will change with time. I am going out with friends tonight and tomorrow afternoon. Nothing but friends though.


----------



## Disenchanted

Dedicated2Her said:


> Agreed.......However, sometimes guys need to recharge. This morning............I'm done. I got nothing left. I need a day or two. LOL.


Agreed D2H. There definitely is such a thing as over sexed. This is the joy of living alone, you can always have your alone time.


----------



## Jellybeans

That man was not oversexed. He didn't even get to have a taste of that because I realized if someone was going to be that way with just a small amount of sex, what would happen once I released the jelly on them? 

He would not have survived. And I would not want him as a lover.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> That man was not oversexed. He didn't even get to have a taste of that because I realized if someone was going to be that way with just a small amount of sex, *what would happen once I released the jelly on them?
> 
> He would not have survived.* And I would not want him as a lover.


:rofl: They cant all take it when we unleash the beast!


----------



## Disenchanted

Happy eff day all!


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha love that, Dis.


----------



## Disenchanted

Sorry all, Easter is cancelled this year.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

My kind of woman.....


----------



## hope4family

Haven't been oversexed yet....meh.


----------



## Disenchanted

WWASSUUPPPP H4F!! Good ta see ya!


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans, thank you for your words of solidarity and compassion. I see the similarity in the two situations. I did feel a bit like he resented that I not only gave him what he asked for but also wanted it in my own way; it seems like things may have gone better if I'd been more submissive, but...that's not my default setting in an intimate emotional exchange. I am, however, very agreeable; perhaps that was a problem, but I'm honest and forthright about things and I don't think that's a bad thing.

Vi, I'm sorry that you're feeling so bummed out. Disappointment is awful, isn't it? Try and take your mind off of things, if you can. I know what you mean about seeing solitude as preferable to risk, though. Maybe it's okay for a little while. Go have a spa day or something indulgent to offset the blues; sometimes, that's what I do, maybe you'll find it helpful.


----------



## hope4family

Disenchanted said:


> WWASSUUPPPP H4F!! Good ta see ya!


You too. I'm glad you have kept the place warm in my absence.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Speaking of being objectified, I got this text this morning "Hey my man candy, I'm hopping in the shower. My breasts are just filthy, you haven't washed them for me in days!"
> 
> When we shower I always scold her for letting her breasts get so filthy dirty, then I wash them for her.
> 
> Hey B, when I dated a younger woman for a while, I pretty much assumed it wouldn't last, and I was right. But those 2 months were awesome for us both. We had so much fun and it ended very well, a super clean breakup. I have zero regrets.
> 
> Just enjoy what you got while you have it and don't future trip man! Get your rocks off, you deserve it if anyone does! And if she's having a good time then there should be absolutely no guilty feelings.
> 
> Now get in there!!!


It is fun. 

I'm supposed to be at her house at 7:00 tonight. I'm going home early beforehand so I can do some stretching.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Make sure you stretch out real good, Bandit.


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah. Can't afford to get a charlie horse at a critical moment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. Can't afford to get a charlie horse at a critical moment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make sure you are hydrated too......


----------



## bandit.45

Dedicated2Her said:


> Make sure you are hydrated too......


Roger wilco
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Hey Bandit, aren't you in AZ somewhere? I'll be attending NAU graduation in a couple weeks!


----------



## RandomDude

I should be happy... why do I feel so rotten, didn't feel this way with the other 2 FWBs :/ 

For some reason I keep thinking of number one... I think I've been soldiering on from woman to woman too fast, is that even possible?

Wat am I going to say to number 2 when she wakes? if I drop her now she'll think she's bad in bed... *sigh*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> I should be happy... why do I feel so rotten
> 
> . I think I've been soldiering on from woman to woman too fast, is that even possible?


Yes, it is possible, even likely.


----------



## lisab0105

moxy said:


> Jellybeans, thank you for your words of solidarity and compassion. I see the similarity in the two situations. I did feel a bit like he resented that I not only gave him what he asked for but also wanted it in my own way; it seems like things may have gone better if I'd been more submissive, but...that's not my default setting in an intimate emotional exchange. I am, however, very agreeable; perhaps that was a problem, but I'm honest and forthright about things and I don't think that's a bad thing.
> 
> Vi, I'm sorry that you're feeling so bummed out. Disappointment is awful, isn't it? Try and take your mind off of things, if you can. I know what you mean about seeing solitude as preferable to risk, though. Maybe it's okay for a little while. Go have a spa day or something indulgent to offset the blues; sometimes, that's what I do, maybe you'll find it helpful.


moxy, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but reading your posts always makes me feel like an illiterate assclown. 
You're so eloquent even when talking about having sex like a porn star.


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> I should be happy... why do I feel so rotten, didn't feel this way with the other 2 FWBs :/
> 
> For some reason I keep thinking of number one... I think I've been soldiering on from woman to woman too fast, is that even possible?
> 
> Wat am I going to say to number 2 when she wakes? if I drop her now she'll think she's bad in bed... *sigh*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's easy, because you are a user that doesn't like to be used.


----------



## moxy

lisab0105 said:


> moxy, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but reading your posts always makes me feel like an illiterate assclown.
> You're so eloquent even when talking about having sex like a porn star.


LOL. You're very kind, lisab. Thank you for the compliment.


----------



## moxy

RD, you know perfectly well that you're not treating your sex partners well. You might big it up with humor and machismo, but because you have a daughter (if I remember correctly) that you care about, there has to be a part of you that hopes no one will treat her the way you're treating your "spares" and numerals; that part of you realizes that your behavior is gross and un-satisfying. 

You actually know better than to behave this way. However, masking your vulnerability behind obnoxious bravado has a kind of appeal; you can sit here and say that no one really knows you, knows what you're going through, and feel justified in your isolation and feeling of misunderstood angst. You kinda wanna not feel miserable, but you don't really want to embrace the vulnerability of risk (many of us are in the exact same boat as you, on that sea of uncertainty), so you're ebbing and flowing and getting all upset because misery, complicated misery, contains some seed of delight that you can hold beneath your tongue. 

Stop it. The drama won't satisfy you. The objectification of so many women won't satisfy you -- it's not even womanizing because it fails to adore the women in your usage of them. What might make you feel better is taking a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and realizing that your mask isn't getting you where you want to go.

All of those are just opinions of course; they may be incorrect, but they are warranted and grounded in observation. You asked why you feel rotten; people will give you their honest answers based on what they see and you may not like it, but, remember that you invited it.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Hey Bandit, aren't you in AZ somewhere? I'll be attending NAU graduation in a couple weeks!


Cool. That's up in Flagstaff about a 100 miles north of Phoenix. Really nice old frontier town. Great old town area with shops and good restaurants and bars. Plenty of cute tree hugger hippie college girls too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Cool. That's up in Flagstaff about a 100 miles north of Phoenix. Really nice old frontier town. Great old town area with shops and good restaurants and bars. Plenty of cute tree hugger hippie college girls too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Glad I don't have to fulfill my threat about the 2x4 etc.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Glad I don't have to fulfill my threat about the 2x4 etc.


No you will like it. It's up on the rim, so it's in the pines at about 8,500 feet. Much cooler than Phoenix. Phoenicians go up there when it gets too hot in the valley. 

I'll be hunting bull elk up there in November.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Yes, it is possible, even likely.


Guess so, since the recent dry spell for weeks it seems all I thought of was finding a replacement for my past FWBs. 

Then I met someone I actually liked n decided to date her instead, but I guess I was more vulnerable to her then I thought, considering I was thinking of her last night.

Guess I need a break after all, but wat to say to #2 in the meantime without making her feel like she was bad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Morning all.. I now have two sets of potential backup plans for tonight...so im all good
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unward and upwards hon. Onwards and upwards...


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Unward and upwards hon. Onwards and upwards...


well he hasn't broken the date yet... a few hours to go.. said he was looking forward to seeing me.....we will see

I can tell you one thing i will look stunning tonight... which ever one i end up out with (even if its just a friend) ill make him feel like a million bucks tonight.... im just in that kinda mood
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> well he hasn't broken the date yet... a few hours to go.. said he was looking forward to seeing me.....we will see
> 
> I can tell you one thing i will look stunning tonight... which ever one i end up out with (even if its just a friend) ill make him feel like a million bucks tonight.... im just in that kinda mood
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course you will.

You would be hot on Pluto.


----------



## ne9907

I am in the mood to kick some ass.... or at least punch someone in the face!


----------



## lisab0105

bandit.45 said:


> No you will like it. It's up on the rim, so it's in the pines at about 8,500 feet. Much cooler than Phoenix. Phoenicians go up there when it gets too hot in the valley.
> 
> I'll be hunting bull elk up there in November.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice place to visit, suck @ss place to go to high school. 

I spent my dreadful freshman year there. Thinking about it still makes me grumpy.


----------



## bandit.45

lisab0105 said:


> Nice place to visit, suck @ss place to go to high school.
> 
> I spent my dreadful freshman year there. Thinking about it still makes me grumpy.


Aw....

It's probably alot hipper now than when you were there. 

But I know what it's like to grow up in a small town. Not much to do in Flag unless you ski or mountain bike. I could see where it would be a boring place to grow up. I grew up in an little old town, and we had to make our own entertainment.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I am in the mood to kick some ass.... or at least punch someone in the face!


What's the matter?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> What's the matter?


haha
nothing really, I just feel like that.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> haha
> nothing really, I just feel like that.



Sexual energy. You need to get laid.


----------



## Another Planet

OMG your SO having a sense of humor is so awesome...I can fck around with GF and she doesn't get offended! It is such a breath of fresh air. My exWife was so uptight about everything it sucked sooo bad.


----------



## bandit.45

Well, you all have a great Friday. Be happy. Get laid. 

I'm going home to prepare myself for tonight's mauling.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> OMG your SO having a sense of humor is so awesome...I can fck around with GF and she doesn't get offended! It is such a breath of fresh air. My exWife was so uptight about everything it sucked sooo bad.


That's awesome. Did you play a joke on your gf or something? Want to tell us about it? Or, are you speaking more generally about being jovial and playful about things and being appreciated for it?


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> That's awesome. Did you play a joke on your gf or something? Want to tell us about it? Or, are you speaking more generally about being jovial and playful about things and being appreciated for it?


Well generally yes it is just awesome and laid back but what spurred the comment was she jokingly said she was addicted to sunchips, then I told her that I don't mind there is worse things. I said I am addicted to music then blah blah blah blah and I told her I feel sorry for her because she likes country and how that is one of the worst addictions.....and it rolled off her back like water on a duck and she just frckn went with it, didn't even phase her. She doesn't give a **** that I don't like country and I don't give a **** she likes country it's perfect.

My exWife would have blown up and told me how much I hate everything and how controlling and abusive I am.

Point is she has a sense of humor, I can tease her and she is completely comfortable with herself it doesn't bother her. AND she will even take a stab or two at me for fun! I don't care a little razzing is fun and makes us smile


----------



## Lon

AP, I know what that is like, my gf never takes offense to any of my sarcastic or perverse comments, her mind is just as whacked as mine, it's awesome to experience isn't it?!


----------



## bandit.45

I'm at Walgreens buying condoms. I forgot mine at home. Can you guys believe that?

I'm scared. From her texts I think she's got some diabolical plans. If I don't report in tomorrow send in the Marines.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I'm at Walgreens buying condoms. I forgot mine at home. Can you guys believe that?
> 
> I'm scared. From her texts I think she's got some diabolical plans. If I don't report in tomorrow send in the Marines.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: lol have fun buddy!


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> AP, I know what that is like, my gf never takes offense to any of my sarcastic or perverse comments, her mind is just as whacked as mine, it's awesome to experience isn't it?!


Yes it is


----------



## Another Planet

Holy ****! 0_o I was bored so I ventured out of this thread for a few for the first time in a loooong time.....I now never want to be in a real relationship again.....I want to crawl back in my bubble.....fck that **** :/
Glad my new GF is just as weird as me, so glad for the boundaries I have put up 0_o


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Holy ****! 0_o I was bored so I ventured out of this thread for a few for the first time in a loooong time.....I now never want to be in a real relationship again.....I want to crawl back in my bubble.....fck that **** :/
> Glad my new GF is just as weird as me, so glad for the boundaries I have put up 0_o


Yeah, some scary sh!t out there in the rest of the forum! Especially when your own heartache and hurt is still fresh and raw.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hope everyone had a good Friday. Its gorgeous here today. I have no confirmation on my plans with disc hat today/tonight. I am going to go for a nice walk, borrow my sisters dog and take him and my girl to the dog park while she uses my SUV to move some things to her new apt. 

I'm so excited for her. She is with a big d*bag and needs to just not be. They are so toxic together. Glad she is taking this step to move out. Instead of being hard on her for staying with him, I have just been saying - watch his actions, ignore his words. I think it has sunk in finally.


----------



## Another Planet

:smthumbup:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CPlF-IEkXQ#t=11


----------



## Another Planet

LOL does anyone else get the emails containing the latest post on this thread? Just wondering if anyone else saw what Bandit said in his recent post that doesn't seem to exist anymore. Well he's alive anyway OMG ROFLololololing


----------



## vi_bride04

I saw it....hahahahaha


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Holy ****! 0_o I was bored so I ventured out of this thread for a few for the first time in a loooong time.....I now never want to be in a real relationship again....


Omg. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

This needs to be my signature!!! So funny, AP. Your post made me laugh so hard!

'Singles' is a safe haven from all the foolery.

A woman posted a thread this week about how she told her husband she was sick and he told her he was sick all the time and she wanted advice on communicating with him and I wrote something like, 

_When I read stuff like this, sometimes I'm glad I'm not married anymore._

And then I felt bad cause I didn't even offer advice. But her thread just banged further into my head the reminder that I never want to marry again. :rofl: She helped me without realizing it.


----------



## Jellybeans

All right, so. Last evening I get to the gym and a good-looking gym dude rolls up the same time I do. I've seen him in there before. It's funny cause we left at almost the same time, too, he held the door open for me.

So today I see signs for a blood drive and stop in cause I like to do that sometimes. I am rolling up my sleeves, getting vital sign'ed and look up and who is there taking the blood? The gym guy. He's quiet and happens to be drawing platelets from a friend I randomly run into (randomness everywhere). Anyway my friend and I start talking about gyms and I am still in my workout gear (yoga pants, you know how I do  ) and I look toward the guy and say, "Hey. In fact he goes to my gym." And he looks up ad I tell him, "Yeah you go to my gym and now you're here. Stop following me." I made him laugh, it was funny. And then he was extra sweet taking care of my arm and asking me what color bandages I wanted. I was making jokes the entire time. Sometimes I forget I'm a comedian. It just reminded me that I have "it" sometimes and I have a light air about me that people find friendly and I was definitely putting smiles on his face. He even gave me a sticker and cookies.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> All right, so. Last evening I get to the gym and a good-looking gym dude rolls up the same time I do. I've seen him in there before. It's funny cause we left at almost the same time, too, he held the door open for me.
> 
> So today I see signs for a blood drive and stop in cause I like to do that sometimes. I am rolling up my sleeves, getting vital sign'ed and look up and who is there taking the blood? The gym guy. He's quiet and happens to be drawing platelets from a friend I randomly run into (randomness everywhere). Anyway my friend and I start talking about gyms and I am still in my workout gear (yoga pants, you know how I do  ) and I look toward the guy and say, "Hey. In fact he goes to my gym." And he looks up ad I tell him, "Yeah you go to my gym and now you're here. Stop following me." I made him laugh, it was funny. And then he was extra sweet taking care of my arm and asking me what color bandages I wanted. I was making jokes the entire time. S Sometimes I forget I'm a comedian. It just reminded me that I have "it" sometimes and I have a light air about me that people find friendly and I was definitely was putting smiles on his face. He even gave me a sticker and cookies.



Makes me


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> All right, so. Last evening I get to the gym and a good-looking gym dude rolls up the same time I do. I've seen him in there before. It's funny cause we left at almost the same time, too, he held the door open for me.
> 
> So today I see signs for a blood drive and stop in cause I like to do that sometimes. I am rolling up my sleeves, getting vital sign'ed and look up and who is there taking the blood? The gym guy. He's quiet and happens to be drawing platelets from a friend I randomly run into (randomness everywhere). Anyway my friend and I start talking about gyms and I am still in my workout gear (yoga pants, you know how I do  ) and I look toward the guy and say, "Hey. In fact he goes to my gym." And he looks up ad I tell him, "Yeah you go to my gym and now you're here. Stop following me." I made him laugh, it was funny. And then he was extra sweet taking care of my arm and asking me what color bandages I wanted. I was making jokes the entire time. Sometimes I forget I'm a comedian. It just reminded me that I have "it" sometimes and I have a light air about me that people find friendly and I was definitely was putting smiles on his face. He even gave me a sticker and cookies.


This is good. This is really good. 

Love is in the air....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> LOL does anyone else get the emails containing the latest post on this thread? Just wondering if anyone else saw what Bandit said in his recent post that doesn't seem to exist anymore. Well he's alive anyway OMG ROFLololololing


I thought maybe it was too offensive. 

But yeah I went down and stayed down. She wouldn't let me up for air. 

I have a speech impediment now.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't know if love is the air but sometimes I surprise myself at how I an flirt by default (cause I am really a nerd w/ nearly no flirting skills). Hee. 

He did look nice in his white lab coat. I always love to see people from the gym in regular clothes. It makes you see them totally differently.


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> Makes me





bandit.45 said:


> This is good. This is really good.
> 
> Love is in the air....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep it's spring time  Go Jelly!



bandit.45 said:


> I thought maybe it was too offensive.
> 
> But yeah I went down and stayed down. She wouldn't let me up for air.
> 
> I have a speech impediment now.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL :lol:


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I thought maybe it was too offensive.
> 
> But yeah I went down and stayed down. She wouldn't let me up for air.
> 
> I have a speech impediment now.....


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Omg. Love it! :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

But she gave as good as she got. It was a helluva date. We are supposed to go out for a dinner and a movie tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> But she gave as good as she got. It was a helluva date. We are supposed to go out for a dinner and a movie tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And so it begins 
Aren't you glad you posted asking about her? And we all told you go for it and then D2H hit you with that 2x4 lol


----------



## Jellybeans

You're gonna need an IV drip when the weekend is over. LOL.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> I thought maybe it was too offensive.
> 
> But yeah I went down and stayed down. She wouldn't let me up for air.
> 
> I have a speech impediment now.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When you go down there and her legs are quivering.........that's when you bring the thunder, bro. Relentless........and she will love you for it. Thrusters.................


----------



## Jellybeans

Da leg quiver is da bessssst!

That is so nice when it happens. It has to super duper turn guys on, right? (Question for you dudes).


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> And so it begins
> Aren't you glad you posted asking about her? And we all told you go for it and then D2H hit you with that 2x4 lol


Yeah I am. She's a helluva lotta fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> You're gonna need an IV drip when the weekend is over. LOL.


I'm eating lots of fruit and drinking smartwater. Broke out the old bottles of Maca and zinc pills too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans, long live that flirtationship!!


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Da leg quiver is da bessssst!
> 
> That is so nice when it happens. It has to super duper turn guys on, right? (Question for you dudes).


Yeah. The quiver and when she starts to arch her back and push up towards you. Sexy as hell. That's when you bear down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. The quiver and when she starts to arch her back and push up towards you. Sexy as hell. That's when you bear down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So when I'm doing my pre-business down there it is the grabbing my hair that is tough


----------



## bandit.45

A sore scalp is the price you have to pay sometimes. I like it. It brings out the Bam Bam Flintstone in me, and I get more aggressive. Come to think of it she did scratch me up pretty good last night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

I actually have an aversion to going down on a girl until we are more serious. Isn't that kind of weird? I love doing it and am great at it but I just won't do it to any random girl, shes got to be special


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think it's weird. For a lot of people, they feel oral sex is more intimate than sex.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I actually have an aversion to going down on a girl until we are more serious. Isn't that kind of weird? I love doing it and am great at it but I just won't do it to any random girl, shes got to be special


To each his own. I will do it first time as long as she is clean and there are is no smelly bacterial stuff going on.


----------



## bandit.45

And unless her vag looks like some multi-armed toothed sea monster


----------



## Jellybeans

What in the HELL? I don't even want to know, Bandit... lol


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> What in the HELL? I don't even want to know, Bandit... lol


Years and years ago, sometime around the end of high school, I had sex with a girl who labias that looked like batwings. 

Needless to say she got no oral lovin' from me that night. 

Yaaaaahhhhh.....


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Years and years ago, sometime around the end of high school, I had sex with a girl who labias that looked like batwings.


O. M. G.


----------



## bandit.45

I'm being summoned....gotta go. 

Have a great Saturday night all!


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> And unless her vag looks like some multi-armed toothed sea monster


:rofl::lol: OMG


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think it's weird. For a lot of people, they feel oral sex is more intimate than sex.


Yeah that's like what goes on in my head about it. 
But I am not a kid anymore so I do worry more about STD's alot. 
Hell my last GF we were messing around for like 3 months and I never once went downtown...


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I'm being summoned....gotta go.


Don't forget to take your vitamins, old man.


----------



## tracyishere

You guys make me laugh so hard.  good stuff!


----------



## Another Planet

tracyishere said:


> You guys make me laugh so hard.  good stuff!


Hi Tracy


----------



## tracyishere

Hi.


----------



## RandomDude

number 2 doesn't like me very much no more, funny how they take it personally after being dumped after 1st rump no more how much I tried to reassure her, now I have rude texts to deal with while spending time with my kid... like hell, better she knows now n find herself a rumper that actually wants to ram her... meh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Why try and reassure her if you didn't want to 'ram' her again? 

Please love, stop it with the knuckle-dragging locker room bravado -it's fooling no one


----------



## RandomDude

so while she feels inadequate I should just do nothing?, n wat bravado? I'm just venting
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

What the fvck is a rumper?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

You say you f*cked her and dumped her, so why do you care that she doesn't like it? Why should you care she's sending you rude texts? Just block her right? Why even post about it at all?

The way you talk about women makes me sick and I have to tell myself it's bravado because if it's real and you ever met my daughter and treated her this way I'd have to chop your f*cking c*ck off


----------



## Lon

It's 3:30am and I'm wide awake lmao, haha.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

bandit.45 said:


> Years and years ago, sometime around the end of high school, I had sex with a girl who labias that looked like batwings.
> 
> Needless to say she got no oral lovin' from me that night.
> 
> Yaaaaahhhhh.....


"Release the Kraken" suddenly has new meaning....


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> But she gave as good as she got. It was a helluva date. We are supposed to go out for a dinner and a movie tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Love this!


----------



## bandit.45

Happy Easter all!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Dollystanford said:


> You say you f*cked her and dumped her, so why do you care that she doesn't like it? Why should you care she's sending you rude texts? Just block her right? Why even post about it at all?
> 
> The way you talk about women makes me sick and I have to tell myself it's bravado because if it's real and you ever met my daughter and treated her this way I'd have to chop your f*cking c*ck off


True, I shouldn't care... but I guess I have been rather mean lately, even if it's just this one girl. Regardless what's done is done, and she's stopped, also I think she beat me to the chase and blocked me first too

Think if anything else I do need a break like moxy suggested, I've been taking it out on women since my preferred date (#1) ended things due to my marital status - which annoyed me really

Regardless, I'm tired of being mean for now


----------



## moxy

I have been channeling my renewed sexual frustration into efforts at the gym -- nothing intense, just an hour a day of mostly cardio, done with whatever intensity makes me feel like I've physically spent myself -- and, this morning, I've woken up feeling utterly hungover. If I keep it up, I'm sure my body will look better after some more weeks of this, so I intend to keep at it, but at the moment, I feel sore and zombied. I never wake up hungry (except for sex; usually that's the first thing on my mind) and generally just have coffee, but today I'm craving breakfast.

This question has been bothering me a lot; objectively speaking, does my tendency to not stay the night (I assume that people want their own space, afterwards) make me seem heartless and callous? That's only expected on a date, not a hook up, right? Or am I way off base? I really don't know the etiquette on this; so, it's a sincere question.


----------



## moxy

RD, taking your disappointment out on others is abusive. You should look into healthier ways of venting your negativity. And, you definitely need to take a break from dating if this is how you are handling your disappointment because you haven't processed your emotions, yet. 

Venting is good, but when you do it in such a misogynistic way, you are reinforcing hateful views about women in your psyche and setting yourself up for failure. Before you post your emotions, pause for a moment and remember that the object about which you are speaking is a person. You're bothered by your feelings, so expel them sincerely instead of hurling them at whatever p***y has become the target of your pissy mood; that way, things might change for you for the better.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> This question has been bothering me a lot; objectively speaking, does my tendency to not stay the night (I assume that people want their own space, afterwards) make me seem heartless and callous? That's only expected on a date, not a hook up, right? Or am I way off base? I really don't know the etiquette on this; so, it's a sincere question.


I don't see it as callous. If it's simply a hook-up then why would you stay? If it's a date, you could stay or leave. Maybe you have things you have to do and can't stay the night.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I have been channeling my renewed sexual frustration into efforts at the gym -- nothing intense, just an hour a day of mostly cardio, done with whatever intensity makes me feel like I've physically spent myself -- and, this morning, I've woken up feeling utterly hungover. If I keep it up, I'm sure my body will look better after some more weeks of this, so I intend to keep at it, but at the moment, I feel sore and zombied. I never wake up hungry (except for sex; usually that's the first thing on my mind) and generally just have coffee, but today I'm craving breakfast.
> 
> This question has been bothering me a lot; objectively speaking, does my tendency to not stay the night (I assume that people want their own space, afterwards) make me seem heartless and callous? That's only expected on a date, not a hook up, right? Or am I way off base? I really don't know the etiquette on this; so, it's a sincere question.


I don't think there is any rule. If you and your date like each other and click then you stay over. If it was just a sex session then leave. 

I did not stay with Syrian gal overnight because she had to get up early and take her m to a sunrise service, AND she started her period. She was embarrassed and apologetic. I told her no big deal. It was actually nice to go out on a dinner /movie date without the sex. I don't like it when a woman makes me feel obliged to sleep with her, and I'm sure it's the same way round. Of course I'm a mature old dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I have been channeling my renewed sexual frustration into efforts at the gym -- nothing intense, just an hour a day of mostly cardio, done with whatever intensity makes me feel like I've physically spent myself -- and, this morning, I've woken up feeling utterly hungover. If I keep it up, I'm sure my body will look better after some more weeks of this, so I intend to keep at it, but at the moment, I feel sore and zombied. I never wake up hungry (except for sex; usually that's the first thing on my mind) and generally just have coffee, but today I'm craving breakfast.
> 
> This question has been bothering me a lot; objectively speaking, does my tendency to not stay the night (I assume that people want their own space, afterwards) make me seem heartless and callous? That's only expected on a date, not a hook up, right? Or am I way off base? I really don't know the etiquette on this; so, it's a sincere question.


My only advice...do what feels right 
That way you are not only true to yourself but if what you do is not received positively you know you are not with the right person :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> My only advice...do what feels right
> That way you are not only true to yourself but if what you do is not received positively you know you are not with the right person :smthumbup:


:iagree: Great advice, AP.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD, taking your disappointment out on others is abusive. You should look into healthier ways of venting your negativity. And, you definitely need to take a break from dating if this is how you are handling your disappointment because you haven't processed your emotions, yet.
> 
> Venting is good, but when you do it in such a misogynistic way, you are reinforcing hateful views about women in your psyche and setting yourself up for failure. Before you post your emotions, pause for a moment and remember that the object about which you are speaking is a person. You're bothered by your feelings, so expel them sincerely instead of hurling them at whatever p***y has become the target of your pissy mood; that way, things might change for you for the better.


just going to take a month off methinks, n start driving to work again, keep myself away from meeting women... besides as I broke the dry spell think I should be fine for some time alone. don't think things will change for the better, since seperation n seeing wat else is out there, been making reconciliation impossible yet the more I date the more I realise...

maybe I've lost something good that I will never find again. meh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> just going to take a month off methinks, n start driving to work again, keep myself away from meeting women... besides as I broke the dry spell think I should be fine for some time alone. don't think things will change for the better, since seperation n seeing wat else is out there, been making reconciliation impossible yet the more I date the more I realise...
> 
> maybe I've lost something good that I will never find again. meh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's bollocks. You act the way you want to act brother. I agree, you need to take some time off and get refocused. It will do you good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> just going to take a month off methinks, n start driving to work again, keep myself away from meeting women... besides as I broke the dry spell think I should be fine for some time alone. don't think things will change for the better, since seperation n seeing wat else is out there, been making reconciliation impossible yet the more I date the more I realise...
> 
> maybe I've lost something good that I will never find again. meh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well then I think you have just given us a much bigger piece of the RD puzzle here.


----------



## vi_bride04

RD, using sex to fill an emotional void doesn't work. At all. It just makes you jaded, cynical and apathetic. 

Step away from the p*ssy until you can ground yourself a little more.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, sex does turn me off from the opposite sex for a while! and wat RD puzzle? am I THAT puzzling? :scratchhead:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

lol go to youtube and make sure you have your sound on, type in "do the harlem shake" in the search bar then hit enter


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> *Step away from the p*ssy* until you can ground yourself a little more.


Hahaha. I love you, Vi! :rofl:


----------



## moxy

Today has been great. Coffee on my balcony. Major progress on my task list. A really good workout at the gym. Very little moping about the absence of sex in my weekend. A lot of writing.  Plenty of dancing around my apartment during breaks from tedious tasks. There was also a fair bit of flirting in my day, which I'm finding is really kinda enjoyable.

I'm proud of myself for working out several days in a row and honestly working on my body; I need to rebuild the self esteem that dissolved with my marriage and this is actually helping.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> Today has been great. Coffee on my balcony. Major progress on my task list. A really good workout at the gym. Very little moping about the absence of sex in my weekend. A lot of writing.  Plenty of dancing around my apartment during breaks from tedious tasks. There was also a fair bit of flirting in my day, which I'm finding is really kinda enjoyable.
> 
> I'm proud of myself for working out several days in a row and honestly working on my body; I need to rebuild the self esteem that dissolved with my marriage and this is actually helping.


Bravo, Moxy!!! Dancing, working out and flirting = all good ways to expend some energy and build the self esteem.


----------



## Jellybeans

So who is the lady that was hitting on you, Moxy? Friend? Or random?

Good for you for taking care of your body. It really does make you feel so much better.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> So who is the lady that was hitting on you, Moxy? Friend? Or random?
> 
> Good for you for taking care of your body. It really does make you feel so much better.


Jellybeans, I edited out that paragraph because I was afraid it was too graphic. No, the woman was not someone I know, just a stranger. Same for the man; though, lately I seem to have a type and he fits it.

I'm hoping that more gym time and more sensible choices will continue to boost my sense of self. However, having just woken up, all I can think is that I hate how much everything hurts and how tired I am because I have too much work to do today and not enough energy.


----------



## Jellybeans

No, you weren't too graphic. But you had me wondering if it was some random coming at you all strong like that. That would make me feel weird if it were a stranger coming at me like that. Hehe.

I say enjoy the flirting and getting your body healthy! I am one of those who does not feel right at all if I am not consistently working out. I sleep way worse when I don't exercise. Seems to turn me into a mean person, too. Lol.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I'm hoping that more gym time and more sensible choices will continue to boost my sense of self. However, having just woken up, all I can think is that I hate how much everything hurts and how tired I am because I have too much work to do today and not enough energy.


It will become easier once your mind and body get used to it, the key is to maintain but not over due it. Make sure you give yourself a rest day here and there.

Eventually you will get to the point where you end up going to the gym exhausted and leave feeling more alive.


----------



## muskrat

You all make me sick. :lol: You are having way to much fun dating. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> It will become easier once your mind and body get used to it, the key is to maintain but not over due it. Make sure you give yourself a rest day here and there.
> 
> Eventually you will get to the point where you end up going to the gym exhausted and leave feeling more alive.


:iagree:

Yep. If you are feeling sore today, take a day off. It's your body adjusting.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Yep. If you are feeling sore today, take a day off. It's your body adjusting.


2 different types of sore. One good and one bad. If your muscles are sore that is good, that is just all those little fissures in your muscle fibers rebuilding faster and stronger. Pain like throbbing or sharp equals bad.
My elbows, shoulders, hips, and knees are fck'ed up because I over trained when I was younger and didn't listen to all those joints just grinding away or working through the throbbing pain of torn muscle because I was always told no pain no gain right...as a young man I took that to seriously :/
Luckily my back survived and to this day it's still my strongest feature, deadlift till I die!!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

I love me some deadlifts.


----------



## Dollystanford

I did an 11k run today so tomorrow I will be doing upper body workout and resting my aching thighs


----------



## Dedicated2Her

My workout today:

500 m row warmup

45 air squats
45 situps
45 pushups

stretch

Bench Press (3 sets of 5 at 195) lower weight due to just starting periodization
Back Squat (3 sets of 5 at 255) lower weight due to just starting periodization

On Fire (Time)
7 Rounds
5 Deadlifts 225 lbs
6 Burpees
7 Pullups

then:

1k meter row

50 GHD situps with 20 lb medball


Its on like donkey kong


----------



## 06Daddio08

Oooo! I'll post the shoulder workout I managed to squeeze in after the ex picked up the kids and before the gym closed last night;

Dumbbell Shoulder Press - 3 sets @ 75 lbs, 6-8 reps

Upright Bar Row - 3 sets @ 110 lbs, 8-10 reps

Dumbbell Front Raises - 3 sets @ 45 lbs, 6-8 reps

Cable Side Raises - 3 sets @ 32.5 lbs, 6-8 reps

Dumbbell Rotator Cuff Raises - 3 sets @ 30 lbs, 10 reps

Dumbbell Shrugs - 4 sets @ 120 lbs, 10-12 reps

It was a solid workout for the time I had.


----------



## vi_bride04

Is this the workout thread now?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> Is this the workout thread now?


It's been two days...vi. I'm having issues containing my excitement.

That and the deadlift/burpee/pullup combo for 7 rounds is giving me a hard on.


----------



## Jellybeans

There is actually an entire thread dedicated to work outs over in Social.

So did anyone date this weekend? Anyone get laid? Anyone meet any potential psycho/stalkers?

Do tell.


----------



## Another Planet

Nope but today is my Bday and I am going over to GF's


----------



## bandit.45

Dated Syrian gal Friday and Saturday. Yesterday I spent the day with family. What did you do Jelly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> There is actually an entire thread dedicated to work outs over in Social.
> 
> So did anyone date this weekend? Anyone get laid? Anyone meet any potential psycho/stalkers?
> 
> Do tell.



I've heard it's disrespectful to get stories of psychos and talk about them with others, but........


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> There is actually an entire thread dedicated to work outs over in Social.
> 
> So did anyone date this weekend? Anyone get laid? Anyone meet any potential psycho/stalkers?
> 
> Do tell.



Actually we have a Healthy Living Group. If interested, send me a PM for an invite.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Nope but today is my Bday and I am going over to GF's


Happy bday AP


----------



## bandit.45

Happy Birthday AP!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy birthday, Another! 



drerio said:


> Actually we have a Healthy Living Group. If interested, send me a PM for an invite.


Yep! That's the one I meant! Drerio is the chairperson!


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> I've heard it's disrespectful to get stories of psychos and talk about them with others, but........


Touché.
Perhaps I should have said, did anyone meet any potential stage-5 clingers?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> So did anyone date this weekend? Anyone get laid? Anyone meet any potential psycho/stalkers?
> 
> Do tell.


Nothing to tell... entire date weekend was broken due to his work emergency.....


----------



## muskrat

Holy S#^*, I may actually have a date this coming weekend with a woman I find attractive and is my age. :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Nothing to tell... entire date weekend was broken due to his work emergency.....


Did you play Easter Bunny yesterday?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Nope but today is my Bday and I am going over to GF's


Happy birthday AP!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Did you play Easter Bunny yesterday?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had my little guy for part of the day...


----------



## unsure78

Happy BDay AP!


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Nope but today is my Bday and I am going over to GF's


Happy B-day AP. I guess we all what you'll be doing tonight. :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I had my little guy for part of the day...


That's good. Hope you had fun with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Thank you all for the Bday wishes!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> So did anyone date this weekend? Anyone get laid? Anyone meet any potential psycho/stalkers?
> 
> Do tell.


Nope. Plans were cancelled Friday and Saturday for the great excuse of him being selfish and lazy. At least he called it himself I guess. The weather was gorgeous - I couldn't imagine being inside both days that excessively. Unless his video game habit is alot more than he has let on. 

I did however have a great time with my friends and drank waaaay too much Thursday, Saturday and yesterday. Easter dinner at my gf's house with ham, cheesy potatoes, baked beans, sweet potatoes and an apple pie. ALL MADE FROM SCRATCH!!!! :corkysm60:


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Nope. Plans were cancelled Friday and Saturday for the great excuse of him being selfish and lazy. At least he called it himself I guess. The weather was gorgeous - I couldn't imagine being inside both days that excessively. Unless his video game habit is alot more than he has let on.
> 
> I did however have a great time with my friends and drank waaaay too much Thursday, Saturday and yesterday. Easter dinner at my gf's house with ham, cheesy potatoes, baked beans, sweet potatoes and an apple pie. ALL MADE FROM SCRATCH!!!! :corkysm60:


He would rather game than be with you? 

What a fvcking idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> That's good. Hope you had fun with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did...


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> He would rather game than be with you?
> 
> What a fvcking idiot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats what I'm assessing at the moment and it looks like it. 

Or he was on dates with other women Friday night and Saturday night. But if he was, he was texting me both evenings until bedtime sooooooo I was assuming he was at home vegging out doing nothing. Especially since he sent a pic of his cat and dinner he made on Sat. 

Yeah sucks. Haven't seen him in 3 weeks. I mentioned a bowling fundraiser I am going to on Saturday and invited him. He said he would go. I am not mentioning it again. Wonder if he will make an attempt to see me. 

This is the only guy I'm talking to. I'm really done with the dating game. Sick of this bullcrap. I grow cold and apathetic when I have casual sex and then just feel like a tool when I do find someone I like. 

I'm so over it.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Nothing to tell... entire date weekend was broken due to his work emergency.....


Sorry to hear that. Has he been more communicative or same?



muskrat said:


> Holy S#^*, I may actually have a date this coming weekend with a woman I find attractive and is my age. :smthumbup:


Woohoo!



vi_bride04 said:


> This is the only guy I'm talking to. I'm really done with the dating game. Sick of this bullcrap. I grow cold and apathetic when I have casual sex and then just feel like a tool when I do find someone I like.
> 
> I'm so over it.


Sending you a big hug. This is how I feel a lot of the time. Lots of misses and then the one I do like... goes nowhere. Yeah... So many frogs.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats what I'm assessing at the moment and it looks like it.
> 
> Or he was on dates with other women Friday night and Saturday night. But if he was, he was texting me both evenings until bedtime sooooooo I was assuming he was at home vegging out doing nothing. Especially since he sent a pic of his cat and dinner he made on Sat.
> 
> Yeah sucks. Haven't seen him in 3 weeks. I mentioned a bowling fundraiser I am going to on Saturday and invited him. He said he would go. I am not mentioning it again. Wonder if he will make an attempt to see me.
> 
> This is the only guy I'm talking to. I'm really done with the dating game. Sick of this bullcrap. I grow cold and apathetic when I have casual sex and then just feel like a tool when I do find someone I like.
> 
> I'm so over it.


I know what it feels like. Believe me. 

I would say stop contacting him. If he is not really interested in you as more than just an occasional romp, then he's not worth keeping around. 

Instead of stopping dating forever, why not just take a break? I did for about a year and when I was ready to get back into it I did. I'm glad I did that too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Holy S#^*, I may actually have a date this coming weekend with a woman I find attractive and is my age. :smthumbup:


Cool! Who is she Rat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> I know what it feels like. Believe me.
> 
> I would say stop contacting him. If he is not really interested in you as more than just an occasional romp, then he's not worth keeping around.
> 
> Instead of stopping dating forever, why not just take a break? I did for about a year and when I was ready to get back into it I did. I'm glad I did that too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I'm not reaching out to him again from this point on. I sent him some texts yesterday with absolutely no response so far. 

And it doesn't seem like he even wants me around for an occasional romp. That hurts my feelings alot to be honest. 

Yup, going to take a break from dating. I guess. Its really hard for me to give up sex.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry to hear that. Has he been more communicative or same?


same... 

im just, upset/whatever right now,... im pretty sure at this point hes a workaholic, wanting and saying hes ready for a realtionship but not ready to actually do what it takes to have one....how much you all wanna bet this is the reason his marriage tanked? he would be a fool to f*ck it up with me... ones like me dont come around very often (which he knows)

Its in his hands now..im stepping back


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> same...
> 
> Its in his hands now..im stepping back


:iagree:

What crazy is how easy it is for me to step back now. I used to chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase - even my LDR with Mexico hat I chased. ugh. 

No more chasing. At all. Even if I like them


----------



## Jellybeans

That is wonderful, Vi!!!!!!! It's progress! Yessssss.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> he would be a fool to f*ck it up with me...


Agreed. And if that is the case, he's not worthy and you are better off.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> No more chasing. At all. *Even if I like them*


Me, too, Vi. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me--my ability to cut strings and walk without ever pushing is almost superhuman. 

But I figure, if you have to chase, it's not yours in the first place. It should be given freely and personally I don't like to be the one who does all the chasing. Both should seek eachother out.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> What crazy is how easy it is for me to step back now. I used to chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase - even my LDR with Mexico hat I chased. ugh.
> 
> No more chasing. At all. Even if I like them


Well I was trying to be fair... i was giving him space as i understand his family stuff was going on, but still being supportive/present... then this weekend happened.. I did pursue a little this weekend, not heavy... but nope no more...


though I do hate when I choose one and give them a shot... and they f*ck it up..... im startling to see why people never take their profiles down.... sigh, I did like this one, could see a future with him...its a shame


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah, I'm not reaching out to him again from this point on. I sent him some texts yesterday with absolutely no response so far.
> 
> And it doesn't seem like he even wants me around for an occasional romp. That hurts my feelings alot to be honest.
> 
> Yup, going to take a break from dating. I guess. Its really hard for me to give up sex.



Yeah I know. It was easier for me because I was going through all that crap with my heart valve operation. The meds to had to go on killed my libido. I was a eunuch for about six months. It wasn't until a month or so ago that I really started to get the burning back in my loins. 

Just be patient. I'm sure you are an attractive woman. There is a guy out there ready and willing to rock your world. Just be patient.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

lol... this one even knew this... he made some comment along the way last time we saw each other... thanking me for giving him a chance and going on a second date with him


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> lol... this one even knew this... he made some comment along the way last time we saw each other... thanking me for giving him a chance and going on a second date with him


Don't let yourself fall for a workaholic. They are unchangeable. You can not make them change their nature, which is to work at the expense of everything else in their lives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Don't let yourself fall for a workaholic. They are unchangeable. You can not make them change their nature, which is to work at the expense of everything else in their lives.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not totally true.. i used to be one but changed my ways when I had the kid...

Wow I actually have guys thanking me for allowing them the privilege of going on a second date with me...holy [email protected] never really thought about that before


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Not totally true.. i used to be one but changed my ways when I had the kid...
> 
> Wow I actually have guys thanking me for allowing them the privilege of going on a second date with me...holy [email protected] never really thought about that before


Just don't ever settle. You're a class act and deserve a superman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah I know. It was easier for me because I was going through all that crap with my heart valve operation. The meds to had to go on killed my libido. I was a eunuch for about six months. It wasn't until a month or so ago that I really started to get the burning back in my loins.
> 
> Just be patient. I'm sure you are an attractive woman. There is a guy out there ready and willing to rock your world. Just be patient.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks, bandito 

My birth control kills my sex drive (I have endometriosis so take it to control my extremely painful cramps) but I still get a bug up my butt wanting to screw uncontrollably every now and then. At least I'm in a way better place mentally to not do the ONS stuff anymore. 

I know I'm attractive, fun and intelligent. I'm not worried about never finding anyone or anything like that, just bummed I found someone on the same intellectual and physical wavelength as me and it just fizzled out.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> lol... this one even knew this... he made some comment along the way last time we saw each other... thanking me for giving him a chance and going on a second date with him


Yeah and that's because he knows he probably didn't even deserve a second chance (or third, fourth, fifth) after being so dismissive. He knows. That's why he made that comment. I dated a guy lie that once. He was so late meeting m one time and said he was just glad I still wanted to do anything with him at all. Then he flaked on me after that. Reflecting back on that I read that as "Why do you still even want to be with me when I can't even put forth minimal effort to show you deserve more."

Next. 

it's like when someone says "You deserve better than me." It's usually because, well, you do. Cause they're sh!ts.

It's a passive-aggressive way of telling you they're not into you but not being upfront enough to just say it and play on your feelings. Fckin cowardly.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah and that's because he knows he probably didn't even deserve a second chance (or third, fourth, fifth) after being so dismissive. He knows. That's why he made that comment. I dated a guy lie that once. He was so late meeting m one time and said he was just glad I still wanted to do anything with him at all. Then he flaked on me after that. Reflecting back on that I read that as "Why do you still even want to be with me when I can't even put forth minimal effort to show you deserve more."
> 
> Next.
> 
> it's like when someone says "You deserve better than me." It's usually because, well, you do. Cause they're sh!ts.
> 
> It's a passive-aggressive way of telling you they're not into you but not being upfront enough to just say it and play on your feelings. Fckin cowardly.


Hes said it more in regards that I dont go on second dates very often, my choice, as you all know .... I think thats what he was referring too .. but I could be wrong
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Are there seriously that many dumb asses in the world? Jeez any guy would be lucky to be able to call one of the lovely TAM woman his own.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Cool! Who is she Rat?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A few weeks ago I was at a friends house. His fiancé came home and got the bright idea to create a profile for me on eharmony. 2 weeks ago I finally broke down and paid for a 1 month membership. Most the woman I have messaged with on there have gone no where. Either I lost interest or she would lose interest. Except for this one. We have been talking and texting a lot. Judging by her texts she is interested. So I plan on asking her out. I have no clue how it will end up going. I am just happy to have a date with someone who actually intrigues me.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Are there seriously that many dumb asses in the world? Jeez any guy would be lucky to be able to call one of the lovely TAM woman his own.


Yeah 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> What crazy is how easy it is for me to step back now. I* used to chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase chase - even my LDR with Mexico hat I chased.* ugh.
> 
> No more chasing. At all. Even if I like them


Clearly I have this issue still. Ugh.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Clearly I have this issue still. Ugh.


Please tell me your not chasing no chem.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Please tell me your not chasing no chem.


I am not, but did for way too long.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I am not, but did for way too long.


Yes you did! But you learned a valuable lesson, if someone really wants to be with you, you do not need to chase them.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I am not, but did for way too long.


We've all been there in one form or another.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah, I'm not reaching out to him again from this point on. I sent him some texts yesterday with absolutely no response so far.
> 
> And it doesn't seem like he even wants me around for an occasional romp. That hurts my feelings alot to be honest.
> 
> Yup, going to take a break from dating. I guess. Its really hard for me to give up sex.


This sucks Vi.
I can feel your pain.... ugh why are some people so insensitive?

Just detach from the situation. 

I sent a text to blue eyes yesterday (I hadnt texted him at all since he was on vacation. He stopped texting me on like day 3 of it)
Anyway, I sent him a text wishing him happy Easter, his response was "Ah, u too"
Then I remember he does not believe in God.

But the good news is I saved a bunch on my car insurance! Oh and I made an appointment for IC!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> We've all been there in one form or another.


True story


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Well I was trying to be fair... i was giving him space as i understand his family stuff was going on, but still being supportive/present... then this weekend happened.. I did pursue a little this weekend, not heavy... but nope no more...
> 
> 
> though I do hate when I choose one and give them a shot... and they f*ck it up..... im startling to see why people never take their profiles down.... sigh, I did like this one, could see a future with him...its a shame


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> We've all been there in one form or another.


Yep...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Happy Birthday, AP!


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Me, too, Vi. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me--my ability to cut strings and walk without ever pushing is almost superhuman.
> 
> But I figure, if you have to chase, it's not yours in the first place. It should be given freely and personally I don't like to be the one who does all the chasing. Both should seek eachother out.


Chasing is messed up, I feel you.

And I'm male. I put myself out there, send the first message. I'm happy to maintain and respond to mutual and polite conversation. If it breaks down, I might send one inquiring message, then I walk away. 

For me - the main measure of my potential interest in a romantic hopeful is their potential interest in me. If you're not showing the sort of attention/desire/interest in me that I recognize, you may as well be winking in the dark (you know what you're doing, but nobody else does)


----------



## bandit.45

Fvcking 95 degrees today and I'm sitting here in my hot ass truck watching earth movers. 

I gotta get out of Arizona. I can't handle another summer here. 115 degree summers are just not fun anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Happy Birthday AP!!

Hopefully your girl will deliver your present a la "Varsity Blues" style....
Whipped Cream bikini


----------



## unsure78

Im lonely today.... this sucks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Im lonely today.... this sucks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keep your chin up. This too shall pass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> Im lonely today.... this sucks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aren't you at work?


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Im lonely today.... this sucks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One time, i met john Stamos on a plane and he told me I was pretty.....


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> lol... this one even knew this... he made some comment along the way last time we saw each other... thanking me for giving him a chance and going on a second date with him





unsure78 said:


> Not totally true.. i used to be one but changed my ways when I had the kid...
> 
> Wow I actually have guys thanking me for allowing them the privilege of going on a second date with me...holy [email protected] never really thought about that before





ne9907 said:


> Happy Birthday AP!!
> 
> Hopefully your girl will deliver your present a la "Varsity Blues" style....
> Whipped Cream bikini


I don't know, guess I'l find out lol


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Clearly I have this issue still. Ugh.


Just remember: next time you have to chase, just walk away. It really is mind over matter.



muskrat said:


> Yes you did! But you learned a valuable lesson, if someone really wants to be with you, you do not need to chase them.


THE GOLDEN RULE.

Otherwise known as *If it's not a fck yes, then it's a FCK NO*



ne9907 said:


> Anyway, I sent him a text wishing him happy Easter, his response was "Ah, u too"
> Then I remember he does not believe in God.
> 
> *But the good news is I saved a bunch on my car insurance*!


Made me laugh :rofl:



caladan said:


> And I'm male. I put myself out there, send the first message. I'm happy to maintain and respond to mutual and polite conversation. If it breaks down, I might send one inquiring message, then I walk away.


You are basically the male version of me. :smthumbup:

Great minds!

Have fun celebrating, AP.


----------



## ne9907

Oh! I am trying to act very happy today, that John Stamos quote is actually from Mean Girls, the movie.
That movie always makes me laugh.

I broke down last friday and called ex, he FINALLY admitted to having an affair (he is still tricked truthing me!)
He also admitted to living with another girl recently. He said some BS that went like this
" It wasnt fair for her, because everytime I was in bed with her, I was dreaming of you"

Total BS!!!! 
BUt I am happy because I made an appoinment with a psychologist for IC. 

I am rambling, i want to show Vi and Unsure that sometimes It is better... WAY better to be alone. 

Smile ladies!~


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> I will go first. I am still legally married. My stbxw moved out 13 months ago after an 18 month in house separation. The divorce is going very slowly (mainly due to her unwillingness to discuss anything). I recently filed for custody of our 2 kids, dd age 7 and ds age 4.
> So my question is when is the right time to start dating? I am not looking for a serious relationship right now, but it would be nice to go on some casual dates.
> Where is the best place to meet new people? I work alone and live in a small town.
> What is the best way to approach someone of interest? There is a lady from my church who I know is single and I find attractive. How do I approach her to get to know her better? I know her kids and they are very friendly and outgoing (they are in a class I teach). I want to talk to her, but I am not sure where to start or what to say.


Dear Muskrat,
As I am probably close to my divorce, my first and the only one I hope I've asked a good friend of mine who went through a horrible divorce (he is a major in the military and basically his wife exposed some photos they took while intimately, while she was having an affair in order to get him scared and got money out of him). So I've asked him what are the stages of recovery and why do I feel empty. He told me it is part of the process however he also told me something I did not like, that in order to forget you have to get yourself back in the game.
It did not feel right with me however he seems well so I think he might be onto something As they say one fire drives out another, just don't get burned
Good luck! In the end think about it like this - maybe you might not find great love but you might find great friendship that will motivate you to feel better and be yourself more. 
I hope it makes sense..


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne--wait, so did his girlfriend move out or is he still with her?

Wow. And all that was happening while he was writing you sappy letters about how he missed you and wanted to try again yet he had someone living with him? 

Just...wow.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne--wait, so did his girlfriend move out or is he still with her?
> 
> Wow. And all that was happening while he was writing you sappy letters about how he missed you and wanted to try again yet he had someone living with him?
> 
> Just...wow.


Hmmm
As far as he told me, she moved out first week of April. He send me those texts, messages, last week. 
So less than two weeks.

I think she dumped him.... but I seriously doubt it. She isnt the brightest tool in the shed, nor does she have a lot going on in her life at the current time. 
Yes, I know a lot more about her and their activities together, than I should. 

EDIT: But as usual, it helps me. Because I have been SERIOSLY thinking about reconciliation. I need all the facts, the nitty gritty details. I need everything. 
But I will not make any rash decisions until I ve had IC for at least five months.


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> Aren't you at work?


I was earlier. ..but im not lonely for work/friend company... im lonely for a SO...someone to touch me, someone to ask how my day was, and tell me about their day

Im not usually so blah... but I really liked this one... first guy I really really liked in almost a year
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm
> As far as he told me, she moved out first week of April. He send me those texts, messages, last week.
> So less than two weeks.
> 
> I think she dumped him.... but I seriously doubt it. She isnt the brightest tool in the shed, nor does she have a lot going on in her life at the current time.
> Yes, I know a lot more about her and their activities together, than I should.
> 
> EDIT: But as usual, it helps me. Because I have been SERIOSLY thinking about reconciliation. I need all the facts, the nitty gritty details. I need everything.
> But I will not make any rash decisions until I ve had IC for at least five months.


Well seriously don't consider reconciliation!!! Are you serious?!
Ne it gets better hun, I promise


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I was earlier. ..but im not lonely for work/friend company... im lonely for a SO...someone to touch me, someone to ask how my day was, and tell me about their day
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dating and sex only go so far.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Well seriously don't consider reconciliation!!! Are you serious?!
> Ne it gets better hun, I promise


Gosh, some days I am serious, some days i am not!

I know it gets better, he has a hold of me I cannot shake unless I get some IC to clear my head and heart.

I did tell him not to text, message, call, email, nothing... so far he hasnt.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Dating and sex only go so far.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IMO they leave you feeling more empty if there is no emotional connection. *sigh* 

I should just adopt another dog and forget about it lol.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Dating and sex only go so far.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ill be ok... and who knows maybe he will surprise me and reach out... 

Its ok that im a bit hurt and sad... its normal, nothing wrong with it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> IMO they leave you feeling more empty if there is no emotional connection. *sigh*
> 
> I should just adopt another dog and forget about it lol.


Yep. It makes me feel not good. This is why I am really not good at or into casual sex.


----------



## jpr

I got laid this weekend. 




I just got back from a week long vacation with my hat and son.


----------



## angstire

Hi all, I've been intentionally gone for a while (couple months). 

Just checking in, read the last couple pages. Hope all are well as can be. 

Summer!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Gosh, some days I am serious, some days i am not!
> 
> I know it gets better, *he has a hold of me I cannot shake *unless I get some IC to clear my head and heart.
> 
> I did tell him not to text, message, call, email, nothing... so far he hasnt.


Ne...NO.NO-NO-NO-NO-NO. STEP AWAY FROM THE TOXIC EX!! The man is a sleazeball! You deserve SO much better than he ever was! You are a gem! 

Good for you for telling him to back off.


----------



## moxy

AP, Happy Birthday!

Muskrat, Congrats! Have fun!

Vi, I'm sorry this guy is such a tool; I hope he starts being less weird or that you find someone else to connect with. I understand how you feel. My experiences in casual sex land left me far more vulnerable than I've been in years and I'm nowhere near ready for something more serious. I can see how quickly it becomes exhausting; so, I hope you're doing things to make yourself happy and not just waiting on this dude.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup, going to take a break from dating. I guess. Its really hard for me to give up sex.


Seriously in agreement with you!!

I'd gotten used to not getting laid. Then I was getting it regularly. Now I feel like I'm going to explode from frustration without it and a tiny bit afraid of making really poor choices just to get rid of the feeling. Giving up sex is like torture. Hang in there, vi!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Seriously in agreement with you!!
> 
> I'd gotten used to not getting laid. Then I was getting it regularly. Now I feel like I'm going to explode from frustration without it and a tiny bit afraid of making really poor choices just to get rid of the feeling. Giving up sex is like torture. Hang in there, vi!


:iagree: YEP. THAT.


----------



## vi_bride04

Guys just pretty much disgust me right now. Small chit chat, sure but getting to know one or having sex with them, I'll pass.

Sick of the whole idea of dating and the process to go through trying to find someone.


----------



## ne9907

Blue eyes is back from vacation, we were on the phone for about two hours. 
Had a fun, happy, interesting conversation. No awkward or silent moments. 

Now, I think and I will drive 20 min to the nearest store and get some Oreos and milk!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Guys just pretty much disgust me right now. Small chit chat, sure but getting to know one or having sex with them, I'll pass.
> 
> Sick of the whole idea of dating and the process to go through trying to find someone.


----------



## vi_bride04

Ha ha ha ha that's great


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian girl just texted that she wants me to come over tonight and just sleep with her.... No sex. Never had anyone ask me to do that before. What does this mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian girl just texted that she wants me to come over tonight and just sleep with her.... No sex. Never had anyone ask me to do that before. What does this mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's awesome. I tend to want that when I like someone and find their presence comforting; perhaps she likes you and is trying to show you that she likes you for you in addition to the orgasms you provide.  in my opinion, this is more intimate than just hitting it.


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah I think so. I'll wear my new Batman pjs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> That's awesome. I tend to want that when I like someone and find their presence comforting; perhaps she likes you and is trying to show you that she likes you for you in addition to the orgasms you provide.  in my opinion, this is more intimate than just hitting it.


Agree with this.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP, Happy Birthday!


Thank you 
It was amazing especially compared to last year. 
I had a great New York strip steak and potato, some beer, and got the **** F'd out of me 
It was GREEAAAAATTTTT :smthumbup:


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> That's awesome. I tend to want that when I like someone and find their presence comforting; perhaps she likes you and is trying to show you that she likes you for you in addition to the orgasms you provide.  in my opinion, this is more intimate than just hitting it.


Don't do it, unless you also want it is my opinion. I certainly wouldn't

Sure - some ladies are going to disagree with me, and that's ok. I like sex. I also like physical contact, but only when there's the promise of sex somewhere within the immediate scope. 

Going to sleep with a woman without sex is (for me) a waste of time. Unless of course we get along exceedingly well so that we enjoy ourselves regardless.

I disagree with the idea that sleeping with and not having sex is 
"more intimate". Maybe it is for women, for men it isn't. Personally, if this happens to me, I feel a bit like a tit, a dodo. A beta man. It's a highway into the friendzone. It's an "I like you and enjoy your company, but I don't want to shag you".

I can bet you now - even the ladies here saying it's nice and intimate (and I respect them and their opinions a great deal) know that they would never EVER offer that sort of one-way deal to a guy they're really, really super into. Why only one when you can have both?

I await your comments and your emails, lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Syrian girl just texted that she wants me to come over tonight and just sleep with her.... No sex. Never had anyone ask me to do that before. What does this mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It means she likes you more than a f* buddy. And is comforted with your presence.

I do not "sleep" with the guys I casually have sex with. It's too intimate and vulnerable for me to expose myself like that in my mind. Kinda strange considering I just got naked with them, huh? 

Sleeping with someone means I care about them and want to be vulnerable with them.


----------



## moxy

Caladan, I think there's a big difference between sleeping next to someone that you are sometimes having sex with and sleeping next to someone with whom you've never had sex, instead of sex. The former means the guy is not in the friendzone and, if he's a confident guy, he won't need constant reassurance of that sexual desirability and may be able to offer his lover other things than orgasms that she wants from him, too. In some cases, there are reasons why sex wouldn't feel great, but the company of one's lover would feel great. In this case, we're discussing a supplement to regular sex not a replacement of it. Just out of curiosity, do you think your only worth is in how well you can screw your woman? Or, would you feel good that she wanted sex AND connection with you?


----------



## muskrat

I think your over thinking this Caladan. Bandit has already had sex with this lady. If memory serves me correct she is also experiencing her monthly visitor right now. I would guess that would be why she said no sex tonight, but wants to be close to him. I do agree that he shouldn't do it unless he wants to. But from my point of view that is because she is taking the next to building a relationship, not putting him in the friend zone. So the question Bandit has to answer is does he want her as a gf or was she fun for a few dates and nothing more.


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> Caladan, I think there's a big difference between sleeping next to someone that you are sometimes having sex with and sleeping next to someone with whom you've never had sex, instead of sex. The former means the guy is not in the friendzone and, if he's a confident guy, he won't need constant reassurance of that sexual desirability and may be able to offer his lover other things than orgasms that she wants from him, too. In some cases, there are reasons why sex wouldn't feel great, but the company of one's lover would feel great. In this case, we're discussing a supplement to regular sex not a replacement of it. Just out of curiosity, do you think your only worth is in how well you can screw your woman? Or, would you feel good that she wanted sex AND connection with you?


Moxy hi.

For starters, you're going about this the wrong way with your "out of curiosity" question. I hear all you guys are saying about intimacy and all that, but really? You make it seem like guys only want sex and women only want intimacy, which in my opinion is quite an archaic notion. and not necessarily factual. We both want sex. We both want intimacy as well as sex. So why then would anyone invite you for a sleep in without sex? And at the very beginning of a relationship? Something smells wrong to me. The beginning of a relationship is all about the joys of discovery and exploration. It's about chemistry and spontaneity. Why would anyone give that up? 

I've been in this position before - I've spent evenings and nights with people I had strong feelings for and for some reason or the other there was no sex. These things happen all the time. But - when they do happen, some sort of explanation is expected. Said explanation is missing from this post, this discussion.

I stand on my position. If there's absolutely no chance of sex, then invite me to your house to hang out. Let's have fun, play games, drink, whatever. And then I'll go home. Asking for an implicit sleepover with absolutely no possibility of sex is in my opinion somewhat unfair, especially in a new relationship. It's a "meet my needs, but nothing for you" scenario. How would you like it if I popped over to yours and had a quick "hi, bye, thank you mam" and then left? I mean, if she's a self confident woman, she shouldn't be bothered that he just wanted quick sex either no?

The OP can do it if he wants. I personally wouldn't. I'm unsure of what is going on here, it feels like there's information missing.
My gut feeling is that there may be some STD (or concerns in that department) at play here. I could well be wrong.


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> I think your over thinking this Caladan. Bandit has already had sex with this lady. If memory serves me correct she is also experiencing her monthly visitor right now. I would guess that would be why she said no sex tonight, but wants to be close to him. I do agree that he shouldn't do it unless he wants to. But from my point of view that is because she is taking the next to building a relationship, not putting him in the friend zone. So the question Bandit has to answer is does he want her as a gf or was she fun for a few dates and nothing more.


Ah. See, I didn't know this. All I knew was that a new flame wanted a sleepover and nothing more. Carry on.


----------



## Fenix

caladan said:


> Don't do it, unless you also want it is my opinion. I certainly wouldn't
> 
> Sure - some ladies are going to disagree with me, and that's ok. I like sex. I also like physical contact, but only when there's the promise of sex somewhere within the immediate scope.
> 
> Going to sleep with a woman without sex is (for me) a waste of time. Unless of course we get along exceedingly well so that we enjoy ourselves regardless.
> 
> I disagree with the idea that sleeping with and not having sex is
> "more intimate". Maybe it is for women, for men it isn't. Personally, if this happens to me, I feel a bit like a tit, a dodo. A beta man. It's a highway into the friendzone. It's an "I like you and enjoy your company, but I don't want to shag you".
> 
> I can bet you now - even the ladies here saying it's nice and intimate (and I respect them and their opinions a great deal) know that they would never EVER offer that sort of one-way deal to a guy they're really, really super into. Why only one when you can have both?
> 
> I await your comments and your emails, lol.


I would make that* offer *only to someone I am super into. I have to really like you and want you around to have you around in the morning. Now, if I made that offer and it was refused (and I was made to believe refused for the reasons above), you would probably get your walking papers. But...I am not Syrian Girl.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian girl just texted that she wants me to come over tonight and just sleep with her.... No sex. Never had anyone ask me to do that before. What does this mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It means she wants to sleep with you. Literally. It's sweet.



Another Planet said:


> I had a great New York strip steak and potato


Yuuum.



caladan said:


> The OP can do it if he wants. I personally wouldn't. I'm unsure of what is going on here, it feels like there's information missing.
> *My gut feeling is that there may be some STD (or concerns in that department) at play here.* I could well be wrong.


Not sure where at all you are getting that from. Just because someone says they want to sleep next to someone doesn't spell out syphillis or some other STD. I tend to take what she said at face-value. It's sweet to want to sleep next to someone. Could also be that she doesn't want Bandit thinking she is just using him for sex. Or that that is all she wants from him. Plus, a nice warm body is nice to sleep with. Especially when it's someone who's company you enjoy.



vi_bride04 said:


> I do not "sleep" with the guys I casually have sex with. It's too intimate and vulnerable for me to expose myself like that in my mind.


Lol that is how I feel about sex. 

I do agree that there is an intimacy to "just" sleeping with someone, side by side. It's chaste. But joining body parts is pretty intimate, too. 

I guess I would just rather have sex have a super oomph to it than if it's done with someone I don't much care for or they don't much care for me. Seems kind of a waste.

I don't know. Sometimes I think I put sex on too much of a pedastal but at the same time, I don't really care. I just don't want to sleep with random men. Does nothing for me. In the end I just end up feeling let down.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Ah. See, I didn't know this. All I knew was that a new flame wanted a sleepover and nothing more. Carry on.


She did not have intercourse with me tis true, but we had some fun in other ways. It wasn't just sleeping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Reminds me of my old love. We had a really nice night/evening and he asked me to stay over. I told him to hold me and he did. We kissed a lot and fell asleep that way. It was so intimate. The fact that he didn't try to fck me and just held me was so sweet. When we finally had sex, it was amaaaaaaaazing. In fact, I get giddy thinking about how good it was.


----------



## caladan

Fenix said:


> I would make that* offer *only to someone I am super into. I have to really like you and want you around to have you around in the morning. Now, if I made that offer and it was refused (and I was made to believe refused for the reasons above), you would probably get your walking papers. But...I am not Syrian Girl.


Fair enough. 

If you were "super into me" and didn't want to sleep with me, I'd take the papers and my chances in the open. It's not enough for you to be into me, though I do appreciate the feeling and the sentiment. You've got to be into me in a way that I find acceptable and pleasant, otherwise we're just talking past each other.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> If you were "super into me" and didn't want to sleep with me, I'd take the papers and my chances in the open.


She has already slept with him. Several times.



caladan said:


> It's not okay for you to be into me, *you've got to be into me in a way that I find acceptable. *.


.... 

My way or the highway? That works out well in relationships.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> She has already slept with him. Several times.
> 
> 
> 
> ....
> 
> My way or the highway? That works out well in relationships.


I edited it. It's not "enough". I agree that it needs to go both ways, but this whole "come over, let's go to bed and have no sex", who does that serve? Mostly the woman no? 

Her way or the highway = sweet
My way or a conversation/debate = "That works out well in relationships". Interesting.


----------



## bandit.45

Wow. A lot of angst here this morning. 

Actually even though we slept like logs, I got up at 4:30 a.m. for work. So she did not have to wake up to me or have me around to bother her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Wow. A lot of angst here this morning.
> 
> Actually even though we slept like logs, I got up at 4:30 a.m. for work. So she did not have to wake up to me or have me around to bother her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right. It's done. Can we all please let it go now?


----------



## muskrat

Relationships are a 2 way street. Sometimes it is just about meeting her needs, sometimes it is just about meeting your needs. The important part is that in the end both have there needs met. But there is a give and take.
Caladan, your comments are coming across as, if you want me to spend time with you and be close to you, there better be sex coming my way. If that is really your attitude, good luck finding a lasting relationship. Not every interaction should have to be about sex. If that is all you want just go pay a hooker.


Edit. I didn't see your last comment. I'm done with this topic. Also I am sorry if I took your comments the wrong way.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> Right. It's done. Can we all please let it go now?


We're just talking. That is what we do in this thread. And all over the board.





muskrat said:


> Caladan, your comments are coming across as, if you want me to spend time with you and be close to you, there better be sex coming my way. If that is really your attitude, good luck finding a lasting relationship. Not every interaction should have to be about sex. If that is all you want just go pay a hooker.


That is how I read it, too.

Get out of my head, Muskrat!


----------



## bandit.45

One of the reasons she wanted to see me last night is she will be out of town today through Friday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I think it's all fine and good, Bandit. And sleeping like a log is FUN.  

Nothing beats good sleep.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> That is how I read it, too.
> 
> Get out of my head, Muskrat!


You scare me sometimes with how much you think like me. 

I also agree with you that sex is really intimate. I don't share my bed with just anyone and I have no interest in building a relationship with a woman that does. There just aren't to many people that think like we do anymore. Most of society is more interested in instant gratification than in building something deeper.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> One of the reasons she wanted to see me last night is she will be out of town today through Friday.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have the makings of a committed relationship on your hands buddy. Are you ready for that? :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> You scare me sometimes with how much you think like me.


:rofl::iagree:


----------



## bandit.45

No. I need to have a talk with her about that. It was the elephant in the bedroom last night. I'm definitely not ready to date her exclusively.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Just let her know. Better you do it early on then later on.

Do you just want a light dating situation?


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> Relationships are a 2 way street. Sometimes it is just about meeting her needs, sometimes it is just about meeting your needs. The important part is that in the end both have there needs met. But there is a give and take.
> Caladan, your comments are coming across as, if you want me to spend time with you and be close to you, there better be sex coming my way. If that is really your attitude, good luck finding a lasting relationship. Not every interaction should have to be about sex. If that is all you want just go pay a hooker.



I deliberately ignored your edit. You don't tell a person to go pay a hooker and dismiss it that easily.

I've attached my comments below. I'd be interested in anyone pointing out how this translates into going into relationships just for sex.

There are many complex parameters for getting into relationships. For me at this time, sex rates quite highly on my parameter list. As does intellect, moral values, among other things. The fact that I'm aware of my sexual desires doesn't mean that's all I'm looking for. Any and all of these parameters could be a total deal breaker. I couldn't date a person without some intellectual curiousity, or without a healthy sexual desire towards me, or without a similar moral code, among other things.

In the end though, for me it boils down to communication. I want to know why this seems like a good idea. And no, it can't just be because it's "sweet", I'd rather buy flowers for that.



caladan said:


> Don't do it, unless you also want it is my opinion. I certainly wouldn't
> 
> Sure - some ladies are going to disagree with me, and that's ok. I like sex. I also like physical contact, but only when there's the promise of sex somewhere within the immediate scope.
> 
> Going to sleep with a woman without sex is (for me) a waste of time. Unless of course we get along exceedingly well so that we enjoy ourselves regardless.
> 
> I disagree with the idea that sleeping with and not having sex is
> "more intimate". Maybe it is for women, for men it isn't. Personally, if this happens to me, I feel a bit like a tit, a dodo. A beta man. It's a highway into the friendzone. It's an "I like you and enjoy your company, but I don't want to shag you".
> 
> I can bet you now - even the ladies here saying it's nice and intimate (and I respect them and their opinions a great deal) know that they would never EVER offer that sort of one-way deal to a guy they're really, really super into. Why only one when you can have both?
> 
> I await your comments and your emails, lol.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> We're just talking. That is what we do in this thread. And all over the board.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That is how I read it, too.
> 
> Get out of my head, Muskrat!


You were both wrong.

Just saying.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Just let her know. Better you do it early on then later on.
> 
> Do you just want a light dating situation?


Exactly. I want to take it very slow. And then there is the age spread. Can't pretend it's not there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I hear ya. Just be honest from the get!


----------



## muskrat

caladan said:


> You were both wrong.
> 
> Just saying.


I already said I was sorry if I misunderstood your comments. 
On that note I am done with that discussion.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I hear ya. Just be honest from the get!


Yes my friend, honesty is key...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I hear ya. Just be honest from the get!


And do her a favor and let her go if she is wanting more out of this than you do, dont continue the physical relationship. Speaking from experience, as you all know...


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Exactly. I want to take it very slow. And then there is the age spread. Can't pretend it's not there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It sounds like it is time for the 2 of you to have a serious discussion on what you both want.

I always hate those discussions, but they are a necessary evil.


----------



## ne9907

So do you all remember how not long ago we were discussing occupations. It was the concensus not to ask a person how much they make.

I have a question. What if the person (blue eyes) shared that information? He also shared his big plans for future business enterprises in great detail. 
He is sort of making plans for "our" future, as far as Christmas!!!!! Yeah, maybe I am taking it too seriously.
It is beginning to put me on guard, I hope he is not a clinger. I have a tendency to attract clingers.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I already said I was sorry if I misunderstood your comments.
> On that note I am done with that discussion.


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> I already said I was sorry if I misunderstood your comments.
> On that note I am done with that discussion.


Apology accepted.

Hope you're well


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> And do her a favor and let her go if she is wanting more out of this than you do, dont continue the physical relationship. Speaking from experience, as you all know...


:iagree:

This is huge. Don't string her along.


----------



## Another Planet

So we should talk more about sex!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Lol that is how I feel about sex.
> 
> I do agree that there is an intimacy to "just" sleeping with someone, side by side. It's chaste. But joining body parts is pretty intimate, too.
> 
> I guess I would just rather have sex have a super oomph to it than if it's done with someone I don't much care for or they don't much care for me. Seems kind of a waste.
> 
> I don't know. *Sometimes I think I put sex on too much of a pedastal *but at the same time, I don't really care. I just don't want to sleep with random men. Does nothing for me. In the end I just end up feeling let down.


And sometimes I don't think I put it enough on one.

My sex/love gauge is pretty broken I think. Like I say, I can fvck like its no big deal, but sleeping (zzzzz) or hugging or cuddling I can't do with someone I don't have an emotional connection with.Pretty ass backwards if you ask me.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I've only had one that I kind of regret. But more of a "remember it in embarrassment" thing than beat myself up over it and it was very mediocre sex.

I've had a few men that ended up in bed quickly but we did see each other again. I guess they could have been ONS if they didn't enjoy the first one.  

But the best sex was always with someone I was dating. And since I haven't been dating I swear I don't even mind not having sex. Not exactly the titillating commentary AP was hoping for LOL 

I think about sex (and desire it) a lot more when I'm spending time with someone who I enjoy being with outside the bed. Otherwise it just fades away and doesn't preoccupy my mind. I miss the other aspects of a relationship more than sex but look forward to the chance to have both!


----------



## bandit.45

I really like this girl. She's so damn sexy and hellfire in bed. But then I think, if she and I were to hook up she will be turning 42 around the time I'm eligible for social security. I was a senior in HS the year she was born. 

Sh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> she will be turning 42 around the time I'm eligible for social security


so what



bandit.45 said:


> I was a senior in HS the year she was born.


Which is relevant to what exactly?

Why are you trying to talk yourself out of this. Don't be a retard.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I really like this girl. She's so damn sexy and hellfire in bed. But then I think, if she and I were to hook up she will be turning 42 around the time I'm eligible for social security. I was a senior in HS the year she was born.
> 
> Sh!t.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: lol

I don't know? I don't think it is that big of deal Bandit...but it is something the two of you will have to address. Talk to her, sooner the better. What if you tell her you aren't sure about the age thing and getting serious and she is right on the same page as you and you are worrying about nothing?


----------



## bandit.45

Because D, I don't want to be dottering around while she's out banging frat boys behind my back. That's why. 

I know I'm being paranoid but that's on my mind. I'm too fvcking jaded.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah I think I 'll call her tonight and discuss it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Because D, I don't want to be dottering around while she's out banging frat boys behind my back. That's why.
> 
> I know I'm being paranoid but that's on my mind. I'm to fvcking jaded.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude you can always replace her with a younger one again if her being 42 really bothers you that much at that point in time.

I get it man.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> And sometimes I don't think I put it enough on one..


:rofl: 

We need to switch bodies for a weekend, Vi. Lol.



bandit.45 said:


> But then I think, if she and I were to hook up she will be turning 42 around the time I'm eligible for social security.


Aww. Reminds me of the Grandpa I dated. But his age didn't bother me at all. I always wondered if my age was a problem for him. And that makes me sad. To think he may have not wanted to date me because I was born after him. BecaUse the one thing you can't change is your age.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Because D, I don't want to be dottering around while she's out banging frat boys behind my back. That's why.
> 
> I know I'm being paranoid but that's on my mind. I'm too fvcking jaded.


Oh is that what it is? Then this is about your insecurity, not about her. 

Nonetheless, you have to do what is right for you.


----------



## Jumpnrun

Bandit,
I hear ya brother...I hear ya :iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Because D, I don't want to be dottering around while she's out banging frat boys behind my back. That's why.
> 
> I know I'm being paranoid but that's on my mind. I'm too fvcking jaded.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My second husband was 16 years older than me. Our age difference was never an issue when we were together, but he turns 60 this year, and I have to admit that I am pretty freaked out by that at this point in time now! I mean, holy crap, that's pretty damn old when I am not even 45 yet! So Bandit, I totally get where you are coming from, even if I am on the other end of the age thing.


----------



## muskrat

Love has no boundaries. Age, distance, race, none of that matters if you both feel the same for each other. 
Having said that, I prefer to date close to my age.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> but he turns 60 this year, and I have to admit that I am pretty freaked out by that at this point in time now! I have to admit that I am pretty freaked out by that at this point in time now! I mean, holy crap, that's pretty damn old when I am not even 45 yet!


This made me laugh. And maybe that is what Gramps was thinking? That when he's 50 I will be in my 30s. Still. It makes my heart sad to think that could have been a factor. Because age aside, you truly can't help who you fall for. But it makes me wish I were older.


----------



## Disenchanted

All I can say to you B is that women are fickle. You might work yourself all up into a frenzy about the future and future trippin' with this girl, meanwhile the entire thing could fizzle out tomorrow. 

Just enjoy it while it lasts and try not to sabotage it. I sorta sabotaged mine, I worried about the age gap etc etc. In the end the age gap had absolutely nothing to do with why we didn't stay together. Not one thing. 

With that said, if you are falling in love, truly and really falling in love with this girl, then yes you have reason to be worried. And at the same time reason to rejoice.

I think there are a lot of things for you to concentrate on, age difference not being one of them.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh is that what it is? Then this is about your insecurity, not about her.
> 
> Nonetheless, you have to do what is right for you.


Yep if it's going to bug you and create resentment from paranoia you better nip in the bud right now.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Because D, I don't want to be dottering around while she's out banging frat boys behind my back. That's why.
> 
> I know I'm being paranoid but that's on my mind. I'm too fvcking jaded.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Age has nothing to do with cheating and you know it Bandit. A persons morals are what lets them do or not do frat boys.

I understand some of your concerns about age, but this is just an excuse because you are scared to get hurt again.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> All I can say to you B is that women are fickle. You might work yourself all up into a frenzy about the future and future trippin' with this girl, meanwhile the entire thing could fizzle out tomorrow.
> 
> Just enjoy it while it lasts and try not to sabotage it. I sorta sabotaged mine, I worried about the age gap etc etc. In the end the age gap had absolutely nothing to do with why we didn't stay together. Not one thing.
> 
> With that said, if you are falling in love, truly and really falling in love with this girl, then yes you have reason to be worried. And at the same time reason to rejoice.
> 
> I think there are a lot of things for you to concentrate on, age difference not being one of them.



That's true. Maybe I should just kick back and enjoy it and not worry. 

It's not just the age thing. She drinks socially and I'm a strict teetotaler. She does the GNO stuff which I don't care for. There are a lot of other things than just the age issue that would prevent us from getting too serious. So I'm jus going to chill, be honest with her about what I'm looking for, and see where it goes. 

Truth is she gives great BJs. 

I know. I'm a pig.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Age has nothing to do with cheating and you know it Bandit. A persons morals are what lets them do or not do frat boys.
> 
> I understand some of your concerns about age, but this is just an excuse because you are scared to get hurt again.


Get outta my head!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> *Truth is she gives great BJs*.
> 
> I know. I'm a pig.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Finally some sex talk jesus!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

You know I would absolutely be talking about sex if I were having it at all.


----------



## Another Planet

I have a sex question but I don't know if I want to ask it yet or not, I think it might be to graphic for public forum lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Spill.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I have a sex question but I don't know if I want to ask it yet or not, I think it might be to graphic for public forum lol


Go for it. Use metaphors.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

No I can't.....
Let me think about how I can say it 

I will say that I have now experienced something new and VERY interesting


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Finally some sex talk jesus!!!


I would talk about sex, but the last time I expressed an opinion on here I was somewhat blindsided...


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> No I can't.....
> Let me think about how I can say it
> 
> I will say that I have now experienced something new and VERY interesting


Go on..

I have a weird feeling I may know what it is. But go on.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian girl just texted that she wants me to come over tonight and just sleep with her.... No sex. Never had anyone ask me to do that before. What does this mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could mean so many things: from I need you as a friend to I am lonely and I know you like me and you will do it; I need you as a friend now however I want to know you; it could also mean anything from getting more than sleep latter to delayed gratification - depends on her behavior towards you until now, her character and what she wants from you or from men in general. The best way to find or what I would do if I would be a man and in your place, would just go over and ask her - tell her the old story that men like to be told things directly instead of innuendos and ask her what it means - right now or on the long term. However ask her face to face as through phone or email things got distorted. 
But this is just my opinion...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> No I can't.....
> Let me think about how I can say it
> 
> I will say that I have now experienced something new and VERY interesting












Yes, do tell.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> Yes, do tell.


Good ole' Leon Phelps !

In da butt, AP? LMAO :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> I would talk about sex, but the last time I expressed an opinion on here I was somewhat blindsided...


Dude. Really. It wasn't that big of a deal.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Dude. Really. It wasn't that big of a deal.


Heh. I've let it go.

Can I expect you to add an approving smiley to this as well in the spirit of "not that big a deal"-ness?


----------



## Jellybeans

No.


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> No I can't.....
> Let me think about how I can say it
> 
> I will say that I have now experienced something new and VERY interesting


I'm guessing anilingus.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> No.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> In da butt, AP? LMAO :rofl:


lol no, I have never really been that interested honestly. I have never been closed to the idea I have just always been satisfied every where else.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> lol no, I have never really been that interested honestly. I have never been closed to the idea I have just always been satisfied every where else.


Did you both cum at the same time? 

You can't just say "oh i got this hot sex question but not sure if I can ask it" and then drop it...!!!!! 

geez!


----------



## muskrat

AP, you can't keep everyone in suspense like this. You need to ask the question already.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> lol no, I have never really been that interested honestly. I have never been closed to the idea I have just always been satisfied every where else.


Are you gonna keep making us guess?

Sex in public? Bondage? Cosplay? 

Is it even something sexual?


----------



## Lon

Oh, I know, fisting!?


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> Good ole' Leon Phelps !
> 
> In da butt, AP? LMAO :rofl:


What, what??


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> Are you gonna keep making us guess?
> 
> Sex in public? Bondage? Cosplay?
> 
> Is it even something sexual?



Squirting?

Damn it AP, spill it!


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Oh, I know, fisting!?


Good heavens! And I thought I was the wild, kinky one.

I bet it's more of a group activity of some sort though....


----------



## unsure78

Inquiring minds want to know, Another....


----------



## moxy

Caladan, I think you're missing some info. The OP and his partner have a sexual relationship; she asked him to sleep over and she also indicated that it was the time of the month for her that didn't feel particularly sexy. No need to turn that into something sketchy.

And I do not believe that all men want sex and all women want intimacy. I'm a woman with progressive ideals about gender equality and sexual expression; I believe that casual sex can be good for some men and some women and that slvt-shaming and stud-praising are equally troubling. However, I do think that intimacy varies by degree and by context.

Long live the hookup. And long live romance, too.


----------



## Another Planet

lol no fisting lol

OMG ok fine, uhhhhh.....

OK So let's say I have a "friend" that just hooked up with a new GF and tells me that he doesn't understand how that much fluid can come out of someone during sex...lol


----------



## Disenchanted

Does your "friend" like it?

http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Size-SureGuard-Mattress-Protector/dp/B00EJOYNBA


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> My second husband was 16 years older than me. Our age difference was never an issue when we were together, but he turns 60 this year, and I have to admit that I am pretty freaked out by that at this point in time now! I mean, holy crap, that's pretty damn old when I am not even 45 yet! So Bandit, I totally get where you are coming from, even if I am on the other end of the age thing.


Yup. My ex is only a few years from that. He is 12 years old than I. Didn't bother me when he was 32 and I was 20 but holy cow I see him at exchanges now with kiddo and he looks like a beefier version of Mr. Smithers from the Simpsons.  Big nose, bald (cuts it really short- gone on top) and has some sun damage/age spots on his head that make me go ew.

Looking for someone closer to my age now. Then again, had he not been an abusive, arrogant *******, I probably wouldn't have cared. Or made him get laser treatment for the age spots.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> lol no fisting lol
> 
> OMG ok fine, uhhhhh.....
> 
> OK So let's say I have a "friend" that just hooked up with a new GF and tells me that he doesn't understand how that much fluid can come out of someone during sex...lol


It got awfully quiet in here after this post. :rofl:


Oh, do I get a prize for guessing correctly?


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> It got awfully quiet in hear after this post. :rofl:
> 
> 
> Oh, do I get a prize for guessing correctly?


oooo you are good rat...


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> lol no fisting lol
> 
> OMG ok fine, uhhhhh.....
> 
> OK So let's say I have a "friend" that just hooked up with a new GF and tells me that he doesn't understand how that much fluid can come out of someone during sex...lol


I've never had a woman squirt, but I have had ex-GFs who lubricated like crazy when they came. Never bothered me. That's what towels are for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> It got awfully quiet in hear after this post. :rofl:
> 
> 
> Oh, do I get a prize for guessing correctly?




I like good sex! I am glad I am having it again!...I mean my friend is having it again....


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> lol no fisting lol
> 
> OMG ok fine, uhhhhh.....
> 
> OK So let's say I have a "friend" that just hooked up with a new GF and tells me that he doesn't understand how that much fluid can come out of someone during sex...lol


Oooh, that's it???

I.thought it was something more kinky.

As a female who has the same "issue" I can't wait until I get older to dry out a bit. Sometimes too wet makes me lose sensation.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I've never had a woman squirt, but I have had ex-GFs who lubricated like crazy when they came. Never bothered me. That's what towels are for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've got one like that, luckily she has a mattress protector. I always have to "be careful" when she's at my house. 

She doesn't squirt, she gushes. It's crazy. I hear this is more common as women get a little older.


----------



## bandit.45

The only time it can be a problem is when the guy is doing oral. I had a GF long ago cum really hard one time and I got a mouthful , all over my face. Had to hit the bathroom and wash off. It was fun though. We laughed about it and it made the rest of the sex hotter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I've never had a woman squirt, but I have had ex-GFs who lubricated like crazy when they came. Never bothered me. That's what towels are for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I have heard of the mythical squirters and have even met some but never had sex with them. 
Really wet like dripping wet and a huge wet spot on the bed sure that is common in my sex life but not ummm in this capacity that my "friend" has now experienced..."he" says it is a very interesting experience.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> The only time it can be a problem is when the guy is doing oral...


I think that's super hot, what a turn on. I aim for it


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> Caladan, I think you're missing some info. The OP and his partner have a sexual relationship; she asked him to sleep over and she also indicated that it was the time of the month for her that didn't feel particularly sexy. No need to turn that into something sketchy.
> 
> And I do not believe that all men want sex and all women want intimacy. I'm a woman with progressive ideals about gender equality and sexual expression; I believe that casual sex can be good for some men and some women and that slvt-shaming and stud-praising are equally troubling. However, I do think that intimacy varies by degree and by context.
> 
> Long live the hookup. And long live romance, too.


It's cool Moxy. In the end, a little more information would probably have straightened things out eh? Heh.

Hope you're well


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I've never had a woman squirt, but I have had ex-GFs who lubricated like crazy when they came. Never bothered me. That's what towels are for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had an ex who did that. She also had some serious muscle movement "down there" when that happened. I sometimes question why I moved to the US....


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> oooo you are good rat...


Those are the words I like to hear.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Those are the words I like to hear.


hahahahahahahahah


----------



## caladan

Are we still talking about prizes for guessing correctly?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Oooh, that's it???
> 
> I.thought it was something more kinky.
> 
> As a female who has the same "issue" I can't wait until I get older to dry out a bit. Sometimes too wet makes me lose sensation.


I don't see it as an issue 

My last exGF had a habit of humping my leg while we made out and she and my leg would just be soaked. Through clothing and everything.

My exwife was pretty normal lubrication wise, wet when suppose to be and nothing out of the ordinary.

But this is different, different timing and more of it...first time it happened I was like wow that is really really wet. Then this time I was just like woah now I know what's going on.....I mean my "friend" says that stuff...

Last night she goes "how do you do that, it's just a penis!!!"
roflololing I still don't know exactly what that means but it sounds good I guess


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Last night she goes "how do you do that, it's just a penis!!!"
> roflololing I still don't know exactly what that means but it sounds good I guess


So this is new to HER too?


----------



## Jumpnrun

bandit.45 said:


> I've never had a woman squirt, but I have had ex-GFs who lubricated like crazy when they came. Never bothered me. That's what towels are for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had an x-gf that was like that as well and towels are ok but I just purchase a mattress protector that had a plastic cover over it. Putting a towel down all the time got to be a pain.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> So this is new to HER too?


I don't know, I haven't asked her. By the second time we had sex she told me that it was really good but when I hear that from a girl I usually just brush it off as trying to inflate a mans ego or whatever, I mean I know when sex is really good so you don't have to tell me. But after a couple times of seeing her getting all doe eyed I started to wonder if she has ever had consistent good sex or even good sex period. 

Last night we got up to get some water and cleanup and I come out of the bathroom and she is just sitting on her couch staring off into space with a silly grin on her face and I am just like "are you ok" lololol


----------



## bandit.45

Silly grin and staring into space is good. She was drunk off dopamine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

I " have a friend" too   whose gf gushes and occasionally squirts, and I think he is a lucky man, and "his" gf is a lucky lady to have someone so enthusiastic about pleasing


----------



## bandit.45

So where are the TAM ladies? They always chicken out when the guys start talking sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

sorry im still busy being cranky...


----------



## Dollystanford

I was busy being sexted throughout my meeting and now I'm making videos


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm trying to scarf down lunch and get 3 Infopath forms updated by 3pm. gah!


----------



## bandit.45

Excuses
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> So where are the TAM ladies? They always chicken out when the guys start talking sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





bandit.45 said:


> Excuses
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ehhh guy talk about sex is totally different then girl talk about sex I've noticed.


----------



## caladan

Maybe we should try talking about snuggling (all night) without sex, that may help

:rofl:

Sometimes I amaze myself...


----------



## vi_bride04

sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex

18 min before my meeting so figured I'd talk about sex for a bit


----------



## bandit.45

Okay. Let's talk about pre-ejaculate. Any takers ladies?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

Dollystanford said:


> I was busy being sexted throughout my meeting and now I'm making videos


Am I the only one who's curious about the genre of the videos being made?


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> Am I the only one who's curious about the genre of the videos being made?


the rest of us know dolly well enough to know what kinda viedos shes making...

believe it or not caladan, the women in this thread are highly sex charged, you just haven't been hanging around in here long enough to see....

all of us here appreciate a good banging.... its on my realtionship requirement list


----------



## bandit.45

If it's Dolly I want a copy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Okay. Let's talk about pre-ejaculate. Any takers ladies?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk about it like how? Like or dislike?? It gets a LIKE from me, the more that comes out, the hotter for me! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Talk about it like how? Like or dislike?? It gets a LIKE from me, the more that comes out, the hotter for me! :smthumbup:


Im going with like as well... it makes hand jobs go a lot better...


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Talk about it like how? Like or dislike?? It gets a LIKE from me, the more that comes out, the hotter for me! :smthumbup:


I'm always embarrassed. As a guy gets older it happens more often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> I'm always embarrassed. As a guy gets older it happens more often.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dont be! Whether its true or not, I feel like the more I can get out, the more turned on the man is, lol!


----------



## Disenchanted

pretty much true


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Okay. Let's talk about pre-ejaculate. Any takers ladies?


Oh I LOOOOVE IT. Especially if it's just from my hands. It makes me feel like I am sooooooo super turning him on and that is A-okay in my bag


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Talk about it like how? Like or dislike?? It gets a LIKE from me, the more that comes out, the hotter for me! :smthumbup:


Yep! :smthumbup:


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> the rest of us know dolly well enough to know what kinda viedos shes making...
> 
> believe it or not caladan, the women in this thread are highly sex charged, you just haven't been hanging around in here long enough to see....
> 
> all of us here appreciate a good banging.... its on my realtionship requirement list


Oh I certainly believe it. Why wouldn't I?

It's just - one minute we're talking about sex, and the next someone is making videos. It's quite a natural thought progression.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jellybeans said:


> oh i loooove it. Especially if it's just from my hands. It makes me feel like i am sooooooo super turning him on and that is a-okay in my bag


exactly!


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> Oh I certainly believe it. Why wouldn't I?
> 
> It's just - one minute we're talking about sex, and the next someone is making videos. It's quite a natural thought progression.


well we do bounce around a lot here..lol


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> So where are the TAM ladies? They always chicken out when the guys start talking sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I am sitting here with my legs crossed, looking forward to my date tonight.


----------



## bandit.45

So I was just texting Syrian and we were getting naughty, then she said "I need to stop. I don't want to sext while I'm on my period. I feel gross and dirty. "

Ladies do you feel gross and undesirable when your time of month comes round?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

No


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I really like this girl. She's so damn sexy and hellfire in bed. But then I think, if she and I were to hook up she will be turning 42 around the time I'm eligible for social security. I was a senior in HS the year she was born.
> 
> Sh!t.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


None of that really matters. It does matter if you have similar goals. 

Why don't you want to date her exclusively and see how it goes for a while?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> So I was just texting Syrian and we were getting naughty, then she said "I need to stop. I don't want to sext while I'm on my period. I feel gross and dirty. "
> 
> Ladies do you feel gross and undesirable when your time of month comes round?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My ex w and my HSS both were like that, my current GF is horniest this time of month. YMMV.


----------



## Jellybeans

I tend to be more turned on when I'm on my period. Its science, actually. I think she was making a joke, Bandit. PMS sucks though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> So where are the TAM ladies? They always chicken out when the guys start talking sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm silently pouting because I'm not get any at the moment. Kinda kidding; I'm at work, which is why I'm quiet. But it certainly is nice to remember what the hot neighbor and I got up to. Sigh. And, yeah, I totally wanna do a frat boy and squirt like nobody's business abd then stare off into space on a dopamine high because sometimes those horny 20-somethings know how to what...

I may have another date soon. Or two. But, both of them have expressed an interest in something other than casual, so I have to not be a ho right now. :/


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> So I was just texting Syrian and we were getting naughty, then she said "I need to stop. I don't want to sext while I'm on my period. I feel gross and dirty. "
> 
> Ladies do you feel gross and undesirable when your time of month comes round?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. I get horny. Raunchy sex is fun. Then, you can follow it up with shower sex.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> No. I get horny. Raunchy sex is fun. Then, you can follow it up with shower sex.


Bloody sex can be the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Bloody sex can be the best.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know about the best but at least you never have to worry about lube.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Ladies do you feel gross and undesirable when your time of month comes round?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes absolutely 100%. At least during the first 3 days. 

But I get horrible horrible cramps that leave me bed ridden as well as bleed out clots which are just entirely disgusting to me.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Bloody sex can be the best.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*puke*

I just threw up in my mouth a little. But my ex really turned me off to this. He always wanted to do it on my nastiest, heaviest days even though it grossed me out to no end. I never wanted to do it but gave in anyways. 

*shudders*


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> *puke*
> 
> I just threw up in my mouth a little. But my ex really turned me off to this. He always wanted to do it on my nastiest, heaviest days even though it grossed me out to no end. I never wanted to do it but gave in anyways.
> 
> *shudders*


See that is one thing I see now after a ****ty marriage/divorce is you don't have to put up with that ****. If you are with someone who is making you do things you really don't want to or treating you in ways you don't want to be treated just be adults shake hands and part ways cause it obviously doesn't work and life is way to short to fck with that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Well looks like thats the end of talking about period sex LOL

Anyone here get their red wings?

:scratchhead:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well looks like thats the end of talking about period sex LOL
> 
> Anyone here get their red wings?
> 
> :scratchhead:


GOD NOOOOOO...sorry I am kind of in your camp with the topic...I can wait a couple days or at least do it in the shower but no frkn way am I going down town!


----------



## Disenchanted

Yuck that is disgusting! I have made a solemn vow to myself to never turn down sex after being in a sexless marriage for 10+ years. 

But I gotta say, I don't care much for menstrual sex. I've done it quite a bit lately with a smile on my face and everything, but the buildup of crust, the big mess on me, not my favorite thing ever.


----------



## Lon

Period sex = gritty sex


----------



## bandit.45

Menstrual sex doesn't bother me. 

Heck when I'm done field dressing a 1,200 pound elk, I'm covered head to toe in the smelliest, nastiest blood and offal God ever created. A little vag blood is nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Change of subject: do you ladies feel "safer" when a man is sleeping with you? By sleep I mean sleep, not sex. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Change of subject: do you ladies feel "safer" when a man is sleeping with you? By sleep I mean sleep, not sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Only if I feel emotionally safe with him. Otherwise I feel violated


----------



## jpr

No, I don't feel safer.

I can take care of my own darn self, dangit! I don't need no stinkin' man to protect me.

I have a wicked spinkick...and a dog. I am protected.


Actually...I sort of like my own space when I sleep. I have to get up super early for work, and I have to take care of a toddler when I get home. I need my sleep. I have a king-sized bed. I can reach over and touch my bf when I want to ...just to know he is there. But, otherwise, we both sort of like our own space.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Only if I feel emotionally safe with him. Otherwise I feel violated


That is odd. Why do you think that is?


----------



## jpr

I had angry "GRRR!" sex last night, by the way.

issed::FIREdevil:issed:


My boyfriend's sports team was playing my sports team...so, we were rooting for opposite teams. 

We totally took out our frustrations in bed.

GRRRR!!!!

:FIREdevil:


----------



## jpr

I feel violated, too, VI.

...because if there is some man in my bed (who I am not emotionally invested in) I feel 'used'........or something like that.

...and I start to feel guilty for having slept with someone who I didn't really care that much about emotionally.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Change of subject: do you ladies feel "safer" when a man is sleeping with you? By sleep I mean sleep, not sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When my dad was away working, my mom used to keep my baseball bat under her bed just in case.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> That is odd. Why do you think that is?






jpr said:


> I feel violated, too, VI.
> 
> ...because if there is some man in my bed (who I am not emotionally invested in) I feel 'used'........or something like that.
> 
> ...and I start to feel guilty for having slept with someone who I didn't really care that much about emotionally.


Jpr summed it up nicely.


----------



## jpr

I added pics to my album of my vacation with my hat.




I'll probably take them down soon.

...but, I sort of love him. a lot.


----------



## Lon

jpr said:


> I added pics to my album of my vacation with my hat.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'll probably take them down soon.
> 
> ...but, I sort of love him. a lot.


He's like a mature (in looks only?) version of Jake Gyllenhaal.


----------



## jpr

Hahaha. He used to look a lot like Jake G. before he got grey. He is actually 3 years younger than me.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> I added pics to my album of my vacation with my hat.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'll probably take them down soon.
> 
> ...but, I sort of love him. a lot.


Enough of the giddy happiness. This thread is for complaining about the pitfalls with dating. 

j/k I'm happy you are so happy JPR. I wish you a long loving relationship.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Change of subject: do you ladies feel "safer" when a man is sleeping with you? By sleep I mean sleep, not sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I love him or really really feel free with him, yes. For me, it's about emotional well being, not physical security because any object can become a weapon if you need it to be one, but feeling intimately valued when you're just being your most essential self is rare. "Safe" is an interesting word.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Change of subject: do you ladies feel "safer" when a man is sleeping with you? By sleep I mean sleep, not sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not just safer, is a little of everything. I can have a nightmare and know somebody will wake me up and hug me. Or that somebody will make me coffee in the morning and if I have feelings for him there is nothing more comfortable except sleeping in sateen sheets and having your man arms around you. 
Is not just safe, I feel like finally I can let go of everything But this is just me


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> If I love him or really really feel free with him, yes. For me, it's about emotional well being, not physical security because any object can become a weapon if you need it to be one, but feeling intimately valued when you're just being your most essential self is rare. "Safe" is an interesting word.


Oh man I'm in trouble. She's falling fast isn't she?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

edgya1234 said:


> if I have feelings for him there is nothing more comfortable except sleeping...and having your man arms around you.
> ...I feel like finally I can let go of everything


YES. I agree with these things.


----------



## unsure78

Still crabby :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Oh man I'm in trouble. She's falling fast isn't she?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's possible that she just really likes you. Extreme like can do this.

I never stayed the night with my neighbor, but being in his arms after being effed senseless was divine. And, I did feel safe, when I was held. If I'd stayed a few more hours, that might have been too much vulnerability for me. Your situation is different; y'all actually go out and hang out and stuff. She may not be falling fast, but she probably likes you. This is a very good thing, in my opinion; enjoy it! Savor that feeling that you make her feel so good that she's willing to tell you!


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> Enough of the giddy happiness. This thread is for complaining about the pitfalls with dating.
> 
> j/k I'm happy you are so happy JPR. I wish you a long loving relationship.


Ohhhhhh, it is not all roses and rainbows, Muskrat.

I am still navigating the details of sharing my space and my life with someone else.


It is sometimes tough...because sometimes he gets on my nerves, and sometimes I get on his.

But, I honestly believe he loves me. (Something I never thought I would ever allow myself to believe before)...and I honestly believe he will be there for me. Even though I *believe* these things, I also *KNOW* that I will be okay if the rug is swept out from under me again.

For me, the risk is worth it. ...and the work involved in making it work is worth it.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> He's like a mature (in looks only?) version of *Jake Gyllenhaal*.


I was going to say the exact same thing! lol


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> I added pics to my album of my vacation with my hat.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'll probably take them down soon.
> 
> ...but, I sort of love him. a lot.


You all look wonderful together!!

I love your superman tshirt!!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Still crabby :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's going on? Still flakiness from your bf? 

Any more insight as to why he is disconnecting? Or is he just that much of a workaholic?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> Ohhhhhh, it is not all roses and rainbows, Muskrat.
> 
> I am still navigating the details of sharing my space and my life with someone else.
> 
> 
> It is sometimes tough...because sometimes he gets on my nerves, and sometimes I get on his.
> 
> But, I honestly believe he loves me. (Something I never thought I would ever allow myself to believe before)...and I honestly believe he will be there for me. Even though I *believe* these things, I also *KNOW* that I will be okay if the rug is swept out from under me again.
> 
> For me, the risk is worth it. ...and the work involved in making it work is worth it.


I hope one day I'm healthy enough to feel this way too.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Oh man I'm in trouble. She's falling fast isn't she?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will be happy to find that women do tend to get more infatuated however they fall out of infatuation very fast 
So I guess you are not really in trouble. She will tell you if she wants more from you She seems to be in a good place.


----------



## moxy

edgya1234 said:


> You will be happy to find that women do tend to get more infatuated however they fall out of infatuation very fast
> So I guess you are not really in trouble. She will tell you if she wants more from you She seems to be in a good place.


Oh, yes. I agree!! After a while, the lust and novelty wears off and either a person wants more depth or a different partner. Infatuation is really great, sometimes, though; plenty of intense fun!


----------



## bandit.45

Phew. I need to have that talk with her tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, how long have you guys been involved now?


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Phew. I need to have that talk with her tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Please correct me if I am wrong: you sound excited about her under all this complaining and "fear" of her becoming too clingy?...
Otherwise why lose your time discussing her?
So I would say good for you. Enjoy it and stop thinking. Life is so easy and we love to make it so complicate..


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Phew. I need to have that talk with her tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit, I would suggest you just go with the flow for a bit! You two are enjoying each other, so why mess with it so early?


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Bandit, I would suggest you just go with the flow for a bit! You two are enjoying each other, so why mess with it so early?


That's what I'd say, too. Sometimes, emotions and experiences just need time to play out and develop.


----------



## Jellybeans

Bandit, are you self-sabotaging this thing with the Syrian?

I say enjoy it but do tell her where your head is at. Good to be honest. Golden rules and all that.

Do I feel safer with a man sleeping next to me? I feel cuddlier. Warm bodies are fun.


----------



## vi_bride04

Bandit - are you excited yet that makes you scared?

I mean betrayal is a killer when it comes to trusting someone in a romantic situation. People don't want to get their hopes up just to be let down again. You mentioned earlier about her and some frat boys, so obviously that is on your mind. You may just not be in a place to reciprocate feelings with this girl right now and thats ok. You are ready to be upfront and discuss the situation with her which is great. And ya know what else, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready and thats ok. 

Everyone heals at their own pace. Enjoy the booty in the meantime.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Bandit - are you excited yet that makes you scared?
> 
> I mean betrayal is a killer when it comes to trusting someone in a romantic situation. People don't want to get their hopes up just to be let down again. You mentioned earlier about her and some frat boys, so obviously that is on your mind. You may just not be in a place to reciprocate feelings with this girl right now and thats ok. You are ready to be upfront and discuss the situation with her which is great. And ya know what else, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready and thats ok.
> 
> Everyone heals at their own pace. Enjoy the booty in the meantime.


Thanks for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Well we had a good long phone call. My fears were unfounded. She feels the same way I do and is not looking to jump into a serious relationship. I also asked her about the age difference and told her my fears. She said she understood where I was coming from, but said she couldn't help it if she found me desirable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, how long have you guys been involved now?


We met two years or more ago. Began flirting about four months ago. Dating for the last two weekends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> We met two years or more ago. Began flirting about four months ago. Dating for the last two weekends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm, makes me wonder if I should date the women I've already met over the years (which I did once last year)... Only problem is that many of them know my wife + I can't play the anti-materialism test on them.

Still, they are all decent women, better than dating total strangers. Meh


----------



## moxy

Bandit -- great outcome! Does it make you happy to have discussed this with her?

RD -- quit with skeezy tests and just try something real without being dramatic. You might enjoy it.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit -- great outcome! Does it make you happy to have discussed this with her?
> 
> RD -- quit with skeezy tests and just try something real without being dramatic. You might enjoy it.


Yes very relieved. Very.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

wats so sleezy about my tests?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> wats so sleezy about my tests?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, they're not legit. You play these games to keep yourself from really risking anything real to have fun. Just date someone without assuming that she is a gold digger or a "spare" object. You're making it more complicated than you want it to be.


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> wats so sleezy about my tests?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You English dudes are too complex. That's your problem. You overthink the fvck out of everything. 

I do that sometimes, like I did today, but then I go back to embracing my inner Yank and become shallow and superficial again. 

Mmmmmm hmmmmm......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> You English dudes are too complex. That's your problem. You overthink the fvck out of everything.
> 
> I do that sometimes, like I did today, but then I go back to embracing my inner Yank and become shallow and superficial again.
> 
> Mmmmmm hmmmmm......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's a difference between over thinking and requiring women to pass ridiculous "tests" just so they qualify to be "rammed". 

Lol ...


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> There's a difference between over thinking and requiring women to pass ridiculous "tests" just so they qualify to be "rammed".
> 
> Lol ...


I would go back and re-read those post but I just don't have the energy. 

I need to make a blueberry/kale smoothie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I would go back and re-read those post but I just don't have the energy.
> 
> I need to make a blueberry/kale smoothie.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL, wore out huh?

I'm about to chow down on a Vanilla PB swirl Haagen-Dazs ice cream bar. Mmmmmmm


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, makes me wonder if I should date the women I've already met over the years (which I did once last year)... Only problem is that many of them know my wife + I can't play the anti-materialism test on them.
> 
> Still, they are all decent women, better than dating total strangers. Meh


Not that I really can relate to much of what you say RD, but on this token, my gf, which I've been seeing exclusively for over a year now, I originally met back in 1999. She was my roommate's cousin, I thought she was totally cute, and absolutely hot. I was shy, and did not pick up what she says was laying down. Either way it didn't work out back then, and she had a 7 year old daughter (and 23 year old me was a little unsure of that) and we stayed casually acquainted and went about our lives. It so happens we found each other again, both out of LTRs, and even though she wasn't actively looking to date there was no way would let the chance slip by again.

Anyways, tonight she is out of town, with her daughter who is in labour as I write this! Life takes interesting turns sometimes, and I think it is really wonderful when it does. I'm so excited for her and her daughter, and I'm really glad I pursued her the second chance I had. But you gotta have respect and know what you are willing to risk by going this route.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Well, they're not legit. You play these games to keep yourself from really risking anything real to have fun. Just date someone without assuming that she is a gold digger or a "spare" object. You're making it more complicated than you want it to be.


Ex had a quality I can't move on from; she loved me at a time when I had nothing! So since I'm not planning to commit financial suicide anytime soon; I have to 'simulate' having nothing! Otherwise I can't trust them.

Now sure, last year I didn't hide anything, and sure the dates were better than this year, but in the end I just couldn't trust them!



bandit.45 said:


> You English dudes are too complex. That's your problem. You overthink the fvck out of everything.
> 
> I do that sometimes, like I did today, but then I go back to embracing my inner Yank and become shallow and superficial again.
> 
> Mmmmmm hmmmmm......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol I aint from England



06Daddio08 said:


> There's a difference between over thinking and requiring women to pass ridiculous "tests" just so they qualify to be "rammed".
> 
> Lol ...


They don't have to pass anything to be just rammed, either than physical attraction!


----------



## RandomDude

Lon said:


> Not that I really can relate to much of what you say RD, but on this token, my gf, which I've been seeing exclusively for over a year now, I originally met back in 1999. She was my roommate's cousin, I thought she was totally cute, and absolutely hot. I was shy, and did not pick up what she says was laying down. Either way it didn't work out back then, and she had a 7 year old daughter (and 23 year old me was a little unsure of that) and we stayed casually acquainted and went about our lives. It so happens we found each other again, both out of LTRs, and even though she wasn't actively looking to date there was no way would let the chance slip by again.
> 
> Anyways, tonight she is out of town, with her daughter who is in labour as I write this! Life takes interesting turns sometimes, and I think it is really wonderful when it does. I'm so excited for her and her daughter, and I'm really glad I pursued her the second chance I had.


Wow... 

Hmmmm... O.-


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Wow...
> 
> Hmmmm... O.-


Like I said, I cant relate to you, nor can you probably relate to me. My point was 1) if you want to pursue people you already know, then don't play games with them, and 2) I just wanted to announce somewhere that after tomorrow I'll be dating a GILF, and surprisingly I like it


----------



## RandomDude

That's 15 years... that's all =/

As for folks who already know me, of course I can't play my little materialist-test, hence it's a barrier really as I can't trust them the same way I trusted my ex

Still, I dunno, I do know them to be decent women. I did date one of my ex's past friends however although we had quite some fun I wasn't ready and she felt it was wrong to come in between my ex and I so early in our seperation. But that was last year, I haven't talked to her for a long time.

Regardless I've known her long enough to know she's not a digger, so no need for the test... hmmmm...


----------



## vi_bride04

What is your "test"? Just not mentioning that you're successful?

As long as you date a woman who has a solid job/career I don't understand why you would need such a test to be #1 priority.

Are there any other character traits you look for in a woman?


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> What is your "test"? Just not mentioning that you're successful?
> 
> As long as you date a woman who has a solid job/career I don't understand why you would need such a test to be #1 priority.
> 
> Are there any other character traits you look for in a woman?



If I were single, she would have to be able to carry on fairly intelligent conversation. Hands down, brains are sexy.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> What is your "test"? Just not mentioning that you're successful?
> 
> As long as you date a woman who has a solid job/career I don't understand why you would need such a test to be #1 priority.


Yup, it's fairly simple really, I just use misdirection to come across as 'working class'. So far the most recent woman I met already jumped ship as I don't have a degree nor "career" hehe

And the test isn't #1 priority, but it is a major dealbreaker. Besides if anything it just gets me rejected, and doesn't hurt the ladies! They get to walk away thinking I'm not financially secure, I get to have a good laugh and avoid women after money! Win win!



> Are there any other character traits you look for in a woman?


Drerio pretty much nailed it with this:


drerio said:


> If I were single, she would have to be able to carry on fairly intelligent conversation. Hands down, brains are sexy.


However for me it isn't just intelligence, it's chemistry and whether we are on the same 'wavelength'. It's her experiences, her stories, her views, her thought processes... finding a match is rather difficult to find. Many times I found quite a few ladies rather errr... too "normal" for me... nothing interesting about them.

They all love to travel, they all want to stay fit, they all love movies, some don't like horror, some like spicy food, but either than those little quirks of individuality... few stand out as a woman who's one of a kind.

But even then there's always issues, and based on the most recent date where I actually dated a woman worthy of interest; my marital status is a problem. But hell I have my reasons why I'm not divorced yet.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> Yup, it's fairly simple really, I just use misdirection to come across as 'working class'. So far the most recent woman I met already jumped ship as I don't have a degree nor "career" hehe
> 
> And the test isn't #1 priority, but it is a major dealbreaker. Besides if anything it just gets me rejected, and doesn't hurt the ladies! They get to walk away thinking I'm not financially secure, I get to have a good laugh and avoid women after money! Win win!


Or, you could be missing out on a woman who is emotionally secure and has her own dealbreakers....... My gf would be one. She isn't after money (she has her own), but she has certain things she needs in a relationship. 



> my marital status is a problem


 As is should be. Any woman worth keeping would have an issue with it.


----------



## bandit.45

Why did I think RD was English? I must be out of me fvcking head.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Yup, it's fairly simple really, I just use misdirection to come across as 'working class'. So far the most recent woman I met already jumped ship as I don't have a degree nor "career" hehe
> 
> And the test isn't #1 priority, but it is a major dealbreaker. Besides if anything it just gets me rejected, and doesn't hurt the ladies! They get to walk away thinking I'm not financially secure, I get to have a good laugh and avoid women after money! Win win!
> 
> 
> 
> Drerio pretty much nailed it with this:
> 
> 
> However for me it isn't just intelligence, it's chemistry and whether we are on the same 'wavelength'. It's her experiences, her stories, her views, her thought processes... finding a match is rather difficult to find. Many times I found quite a few ladies rather errr... too "normal" for me... nothing interesting about them.
> 
> They all love to travel, they all want to stay fit, they all love movies, some don't like horror, some like spicy food, but either than those little quirks of individuality... few stand out as a woman who's one of a kind.
> 
> But even then there's always issues, and based on the most recent date where I actually dated a woman worthy of interest; my marital status is a problem. But hell I have my reasons why I'm not divorced yet.


Wow...you must think yourself quite the catch. 

What makes you so special?

Misdirection? Nice. Another word for that is lying.

Your success is part of your package, just like looks on a woman...which you seem to be really keen on. Success doesn't have to equal material wealth in my world, but a successful guy is much more attractive than someone not successful, simply because it translates into confidence. Regardless of whether they are "working class". 

Personally, RD, I think you should be in IC, not the dating world.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Why did I think RD was English? I must be out of me fvcking head.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's Australian.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Why did I think RD was English? I must be out of me fvcking head.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cause he talks strangely sometimes, kind of like Whitehawk. They say things like flogging and sht like that! lol


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Well we had a good long phone call. My fears were unfounded. She feels the same way I do and is not looking to jump into a serious relationship. I also asked her about the age difference and told her my fears. * She said she understood where I was coming from, but said she couldn't help it if she found me desirable.*


:smthumbup:

I can so relate to that. That is how I felt about the grandpa I was dating. Imagine how excited I was when he told me he never wanted to marry. I was like, Meee, toooo!!!! Lol. I don't believe in soulmates but I was thinking, this guy is kind of special. Haha.



RandomDude said:


> Yup, it's fairly simple really, I just use misdirection to come across as 'working class'. So far the most recent woman I met already jumped ship as I don't have a degree nor "career" hehe
> 
> And the test isn't #1 priority, but it is a major dealbreaker. Besides if anything it just gets me rejected, and doesn't hurt the ladies! They get to walk away thinking I'm not financially secure, I get to have a good laugh and avoid women after money! Win win!


Actually, the ones having the last laugh are the women. When they find out you have lied to them and presented yourself as not what you are in order to get them to jump through a hoop or go to the next level, they will be totally turned off and feel as if they dodged a bullet. I know I would. Nothing worse than dating someone who is straight up lying to you. You play a lot of games, RD. I feel sorry for the women you date. You can't be honest with them to save your life. And if you start relationships based on lies, you won't ever find a good one.


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> *You will be happy to find that women do tend to get more infatuated however they fall out of infatuation very fast*
> So I guess you are not really in trouble. She will tell you if she wants more from you She seems to be in a good place.


Yeah that right there scares the shiat out of me. They should make a statue of me and put this on the plaque 

I'm tired of being treated like a piece, being the OM or the infatuation. I want the real thing!


----------



## moxy

AP, just because it's not lasting doesn't mean it's not real. Infatuation is a real connection, just not the same kind of connection as commitment is.


----------



## 06Daddio08

That's not misdirection, that's manipulation. Sleight of hand magicians use misdirection ... you surely aren't one of those.

Your premise for a relationship is so externally focused, if you actually put the time into working on yourself emotionally you wouldn't need "tests".

I personally think you need the attention and these tests give you a sense of control.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP, just because it's not lasting doesn't mean it's not real. Infatuation is a real connection, just not the same kind of connection as commitment is.


That doesn't make me feel any better 

J/K I don't really care


----------



## Dollystanford

He uses 'tests' so that he can make excuses for pushing people away and/or them walking away from him. They can't handle the truth! Thank god I didn't caught in the net!

Bottom line: you don't know what you want and you're not ready for whatever it is. Can't you be on your own for five minutes?


----------



## Another Planet

So how do you if you are falling in love? I don't remember? It's been a loooooong time..... if ever honestly!


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> You English dudes are too complex. That's your problem. You overthink the fvck out of everything.
> 
> I do that sometimes, like I did today, but then I go back to embracing my inner Yank and become shallow and superficial again.
> 
> Mmmmmm hmmmmm......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well excuuuuuuse me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> So how do you if you are falling in love? I don't remember? It's been a loooooong time..... if ever honestly!


Love means different things to different people.


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> She looked amazing, dinner was excellent due to my superior barbecuing skills , the atmosphere and weather were perfect...
> 
> Then we went to a hookah bar and laughed and talked over tea and hookah smoke...tons of fun if you have never tried it.
> 
> Then we went up to a high point overlooking the Phoenix valley and talked and kissed and talked and kissed...
> 
> And then we went to her house and I spent the night.  She made me coffee and breakfast and I got home around 9:00 a.m. this morning.
> 
> It was fantastic and she was all I thought she would be. She wants to go out again next weekend.


Well hot damn. Glad to hear it Bandit.


----------



## Deejo

Holy ... just realized I responded to a post over a hundred pages ago.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So how do you if you are falling in love? I don't remember? It's been a loooooong time..... if ever honestly!


You just know.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> Love means different things to different people.


Yep. Depends on your definition of "love".


----------



## unsure78

Deejo said:


> Holy ... just realized I responded to a post over a hundred pages ago.


LOL keep up man... we are fast in here


----------



## vi_bride04

Deejo said:


> Holy ... just realized I responded to a post over a hundred pages ago.


I'm on this thread several times a day. If I dare to take a day or two off from checking it, all bets are off. Some days, after just a day of work, I have 10+ pages to try to catch up on.

What a happenin' place this singles thread is


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> LOL keep up man... we are fast in here


No kidding. We go from "I'm going to take a month off from dating" to "I think I'll ram #2 or #9 tonight. Let me see how they did on the test first" in a heartbeat!


----------



## caladan

Fenix said:


> He's Australian.


Oh dear.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> So how do you if you are falling in love? I don't remember? It's been a loooooong time..... if ever honestly!


When you start wondering/asking how it feels to fall in love


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Yep. Depends on your definition of "love".


I went on a date a few weeks ago, during the conversation she said something along the lines of "you'll always love your ex in some way". I told her that I do not love my ex in anyway. She then mentioned how I must at least still care for her to a point and I agreed. I wish her no harm, for the sake of my kids but that's not love.

I had a conversation about love once, it was explained to me that love is universal and you love everyone the same. I disagreed.

Love has many levels and variations; I love my mother differently than I love my brother or the way I once loved my ex. My love in regards to family comes with a bigger tolerance, but it's not infinite. It's not an endless well that one can tap into to justify crappy behaviour. Once that emotional level is reached, it's either cultivated or it slowly dies.

/end rant


----------



## caladan

06Daddio08 said:


> No kidding. We go from "I'm going to take a month off from dating" to "I think I'll ram #2 or #9 tonight. Let me see how they did on the test first" in a heartbeat!


Wait - were those two posts by the same person?


----------



## Fenix

caladan said:


> Well excuuuuuuse me.





I thought you weren't English.






Huge difference btw the Scottish and the English.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> I went on a date a few weeks ago, during the conversation she said something along the lines of "*you'll always love your ex in some way*". I told her that I do not love my ex in anyway. She then mentioned how I must at least still care for her to a point and I agreed. I wish her no harm, for the sake of my kids but that's not love.
> 
> I had a conversation about love once, it was explained to me that love is universal and you love everyone the same. I disagreed.
> 
> Love has many levels and variations; I love my mother differently than I love my brother or the way I once loved my ex. My love in regards to family comes with a bigger tolerance, but it's not infinite. It's not an endless well that one can tap into to justify crappy behaviour. Once that emotional level is reached, it's either cultivated or it slowly dies.
> 
> /end rant


Ummmm. Run from that. Lol

I pretty much agree.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah I got told (by my ex no less) that he would 'always love me as he can't just turn his feelings off'

I can. Thank god. I have no feelings of anything for him


----------



## Jellybeans

I still care about the exes I had deep feelings for. In the sense that I wish them happiness.


----------



## unsure78

Im a mixed bag... exh feel nothing for him

exbf yea still have feelings... but it prob has to do more with that it ended at the height not when things were on a low...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Ummmm. Run from that. Lol
> 
> I pretty much agree.


We didn't contact each other after the date.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Im a mixed bag... exh feel nothing for him
> 
> exbf yea still have feelings... but it prob has to do more with that it ended at the height not when things were on a low...


Yeah. When that happens it's like everything gets crystallized and suspended in time. Things that happen in a vacuum and such. Especially if for you it was blissful.


----------



## caladan

Fenix said:


> I thought you're weren't English.
> 
> 
> 
> Huge difference btw the Scottish and the English.


Heh, really? How so?

In the UK, I wouldn't claim to be English. There's a weird thing where you've got to be white and of English descent to be English. Over here, who cares really?


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> I just wanted to announce somewhere that after tomorrow I'll be dating a GILF, and surprisingly I like it


Congratulations Lon! That's awesome! And better anyone other then me is having a baby, I'm so over those days, lol.


----------



## ne9907

I still love my ex, not as a husband or lover, but more like a friend. I wish him happiness in everything he does. 

Besides my ex, I have only loved another man. I no longer love him, but I could easily fall in love with him.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I still care about the exes I had deep feelings for. In the sense that I wish them happiness.


I still love every woman I have ever loved. I believe that love never dies.

I just wouldn't want to touch any of them.


----------



## ne9907

Question for the savvy daters.

blue eyes has been back from vacation. We had a date last night, and I stayed over. 
He has no qualms about letting me stay at his place.
He cuddles a lot.
In the middle of the night, he would reach out to me and hold me, cuddle me, etc.
After cuddling, he kissed my forehead!! or the back of my head (??)

This morning, when we woke up, he held me very close in bed, kissed me....
It is all so very strange for me.

Is this normal behavior?


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I still love every woman I have ever loved. I believe that love never dies.
> 
> I just wouldn't want to touch any of them.


HAHAH that actually made me laugh... thanks Dis for some amusement


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Question for the savvy daters.
> 
> blue eyes has been back from vacation. We had a date last night, and I stayed over.
> He has no qualms about letting me stay at his place.
> He cuddles a lot.
> In the middle of the night, he would reach out to me and hold me, cuddle me, etc.
> After cuddling, he kissed my forehead!! or the back of my head (??)
> 
> This morning, when we woke up, he held me very close in bed, kissed me....
> It is all so very strange for me.
> 
> Is this normal behavior?


It is for me, as long as I get what I want as much as I want every time I want whenever I want.

But then I'm probably not what you would call a savvy dater.

Snuggles only end one way for me. Just sayin'.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> HAHAH that actually made me laugh... thanks Dis for some amusement


It's amazing really. My very first crush, who I was infatuated with and totally in love with throughout my entire teen years turns out to be a total trainwreck.

Bi-polar, drug addiction, tattoos, overweight, unhappy etc etc. I still have this romantic image of her as this unbelievably beautiful older girl who called me cute before I had entered puberty, but damn I'm glad I never ended up with her!

First real GF? She blew up like a balloon and drinks too much.

Second real GF? In and out of prison, no thanks.

Wife, well y'all know that story.

I'm still in contact with them all, still wish them all the best, but have no romantic interest at all in any of them.


----------



## Another Planet

There is definitely different types of love. My oldest sons mom I love as a friend or even family, we have been in each others lives for more then half of our lives. 
My exwife I think I hate her to much to even try to sift through the feelings to figure out if I have any form of love for her. As I said in a previous post, I could watch her fall on her face all day long and not give a sht.
Most recent exGF, I don't know? There's something there but I think only because we have so much history together. Maybe it is more like an extreme version of FWB or some crazy whirlwind affair.

But now there is current GF...this is new  I have never felt like this before, but I have also never been treated like this before either.....ever


----------



## bandit.45

I still have love for all the women I've loved. I doubt they feel the same towards me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

No offense B but we're the dipsh!ts that chose to marry cheaters.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> First real GF? She blew up like a balloon and drinks too much.
> 
> Second real GF? *In and out of prison, no thanks.*


:rofl:



ne9907 said:


> Is this normal behavior?


I don't see how it's abnormal? :scratchhead:

Enjoy it, Ne. You deserve some cuddle time with a hot guy.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Question for the savvy daters.
> 
> blue eyes has been back from vacation. We had a date last night, and I stayed over.
> He has no qualms about letting me stay at his place.
> He cuddles a lot.
> In the middle of the night, he would reach out to me and hold me, cuddle me, etc.
> After cuddling, he kissed my forehead!! or the back of my head (??)
> 
> This morning, when we woke up, he held me very close in bed, kissed me....
> It is all so very strange for me.
> 
> Is this normal behavior?


Yes, that's normal behaviour.


----------



## muskrat

The word LOVE is a verb. It is an action not a feeling. When you love someone it will show in your actions towards that person.

These next words of wisdom is for all of those who would marry again. "A perfect marriage is 2 imperfect people who never gave up on each other". 
There you have folks, the secret to a perfect marriage.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ain't no such thing as perfect, Muskrat.

But I do agree that when you love someone, it shows through your actions.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Ain't no such thing as perfect, Muskrat.
> 
> But I do agree that when you love someone, it shows through your actions.


You're missing the point of that quote JB.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh all right. Let me channel my inner Hallmark (hard to do with this black heart of mine).

I see that it is a sweet sentiment, Muskrat.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Love is very much a feeling and that feeling is expressed through actions. It's also expressed through words, which to me are still a very strong way of communicating. Of course the verbal must be backed up with actions.

As for a perfect marriage? I dislike the word perfect. Lol.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Question for the savvy daters.
> 
> blue eyes has been back from vacation. We had a date last night, and I stayed over.
> He has no qualms about letting me stay at his place.
> He cuddles a lot.
> In the middle of the night, he would reach out to me and hold me, cuddle me, etc.
> After cuddling, he kissed my forehead!! or the back of my head (??)
> 
> This morning, when we woke up, he held me very close in bed, kissed me....
> It is all so very strange for me.
> 
> Is this normal behavior?


If it's normal to stay overnight and cuddle in a man's bed it is completely normal for him to show this kind of protective affection. It isn't a doctor's visit.


----------



## Disenchanted

Love to me means I would step in between that person and a bullet.


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks, Dis. 

I knew you were a chivalrous guy.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Love to me means I would step in between that person and a bullet.


I dunno ... I have kids to worry about. Lol.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> I still love every woman I have ever loved. I believe that love never dies.
> 
> I just wouldn't want to touch any of them.


I'm kind of the opposite, the love is gone, in some instances the fondness remains, but in most cases if they showed up at my door naked and wanting sex and I were single and horny, and had protection, I'd ram them and then send them along


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> if they showed up at my door naked and wanting sex and I were single and horny, and had protection, I'd ram them and then send them along


This has happened to me more then once. I skipped the ramming part. 

BTW that is about the most tasteless description of that act that I have heard. Sounds like a 6 year old talking.

I smash them.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> This has happened to me more then once. I skipped the ramming part.
> 
> BTW that is about the most tasteless description of that act that I have heard. Sounds like a 6 year old talking.
> 
> I smash them.


In reality, I am confident there wouldn't be ramming for me either. I was talking out my ass. There would still be the sending along part tho.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> In reality, I am confident there wouldn't be ramming for me either. I was talking out my ass. There would still be the sending along part tho.


Ok ok so in really real reality here, this did happen to me not long ago. She said "please will you smash me" and I said "I'll let you **** my ****" and she said "OKAY!!!".

Then came the sending along part.

Sh!t, I am a man after all.

And no I am most certainly not talking about my ex wife.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Love to me means I would step in between that person and a bullet.


Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.

Real love is to not let the other person step in between you and a bullet. Real and healthy love is to not let the other person sacrifice themselves for you. 
Haven't you learned anything from your marriage? NEVER sacrifice yourself.

IF they actually loved YOU they wouldn't let you take a bullet for them! So why the fck would you take a bullet for someone who doesn't value your life?!?!?!

Sacrifice does not equal love! That is crazy talk! I thought we were sane rational people here?


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
> 
> Real love is to not let the other person step in between you and a bullet. Real and healthy love is to not let the other person sacrifice themselves for you.
> Haven't you learned anything from your marriage? NEVER sacrifice yourself.
> 
> IF they actually loved YOU they wouldn't let you take a bullet for them! So why the fck would you take a bullet for someone who doesn't value your life?!?!?!
> 
> Sacrifice does not equal love! That is crazy talk! I thought we were sane rational people here?


So you wouldn't go into a burning building to save your child?

Hmmmm


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to save a loved one, AP. 

In fact, I would absolutely take a bullet for the ones I love most.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
> 
> Real love is to not let the other person step in between you and a bullet. Real and healthy love is to not let the other person sacrifice themselves for you.
> Haven't you learned anything from your marriage? NEVER sacrifice yourself.
> 
> IF they actually loved YOU they wouldn't let you take a bullet for them! So why the fck would you take a bullet for someone who doesn't value your life?!?!?!
> 
> Sacrifice does not equal love! That is crazy talk! I thought we were sane rational people here?


Holy [email protected] Another... you actually said something philosophical that I actually agree with.....

Except my kid... I would die for my kid...


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Ok ok so in really real reality here, this did happen to me not long ago. She said "please will you smash me" and I said "I'll let you **** my ****" and she said "OKAY!!!".
> 
> Then came the sending along part.
> 
> Sh!t, I am a man after all.
> 
> And no I am most certainly not talking about my ex wife.


:rofl:


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
> 
> Real love is to not let the other person step in between you and a bullet. Real and healthy love is to not let the other person sacrifice themselves for you.
> Haven't you learned anything from your marriage? NEVER sacrifice yourself.
> 
> IF they actually loved YOU they wouldn't let you take a bullet for them! So why the fck would you take a bullet for someone who doesn't value your life?!?!?!
> 
> Sacrifice does not equal love! That is crazy talk! I thought we were sane rational people here?


Everyone has their own definition, their own ways of expressing how they feel no? Play it as you feel it should be played. If you're lucky and try hard, you might meet someone who shares most of your definition. I don't think there's any overall definition.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> So you wouldn't go into a burning building to save your child?
> 
> Hmmmm


Give me a break! Of course I would, two completely different things.

Saying "taking a bullet" means knowing you are dead. Sure sounds all romantic and sht but that is temporary, she would let you take a bullet for her, let you die, then fck your best friend who she was probably already fcking before you took the bullet...cause she doesn't care enough about you to not let you take a bullet for her.


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Saying "taking a bullet" means knowing you are dead.


No that is not what I meant at all. It means I would put my life at risk if I felt their life was at risk.

In fact, I would probably do that for a complete stranger.

Why Do People Risk Their Lives To Help Others During Emergencies Such as the Boston Marathon Bombing? - US News

But then I have emergency situation training, and that may be part of why I feel that way.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Holy [email protected] Another... you actually said something philosophical that I actually agree with.....
> 
> Except my kid... I would die for my kid...


Rofl 
Internet high five!


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> No that is not what I meant at all. It means I would put my life at risk if I felt their life was at risk.
> 
> In fact, I would probably do that for a complete stranger.


Good for you. 
Fine, to me taking a bullet for someone means absolute death. So we are on different pages, lets agree to disagree now cause I really don't want 10 pages of arguing lol


----------



## Disenchanted

Obviously you've never been shot, lol.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> You're missing the point of that quote JB.


Action.....then emotion.


----------



## Jellybeans

Whoop. There it is.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm not putting my life on the line for anyone. Ever. B/c I'm selfish like that. 

I can be compassionate, caring, & sacrifice/compromise in other ways.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Ok ok so in really real reality here, this did happen to me not long ago. She said "please will you smash me" and I said "I'll let you **** my ****" and she said "OKAY!!!".
> 
> Then came the sending along part.
> 
> Sh!t, I am a man after all.
> 
> And no I am most certainly not talking about my ex wife.


You did what I was fantasizing about and talking out my ass about. I was mostly trying to understand what that would be like, so your comment is possibly helpful


----------



## ne9907

I am pretty selfish because If I could go back in time, I totally would be the first person to "discover" the pyramids of Egypt. 
Since I am from the 21st century, I would probably kill off half of Egypt with my modern germs...
Yeah, i am selfish.


----------



## Another Planet

If you think choosing to not die for someone else is selfish then so be it I am selfish. But sacrifice does not equal love.

Things like compassion, compromise, effort, empathy, giving, thoughtfulness etc...those mean love. To me anyway.


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> I am pretty selfish because If I could go back in time, I totally would be the first person to "discover" the pyramids of Egypt.
> Since I am from the 21st century, I would probably kill off half of Egypt with my modern germs...
> Yeah, i am selfish.


Discover? That happened last century. What modern diseases? And - you'd be at risk of polio and maybe small pox too....


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> But sacrifice does not equal love.


One could say that agape by definition _is_ sacrifice. But I do agree with you when talking about eros.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> If you think choosing to not die for someone else is selfish then so be it I am selfish. But sacrifice does not equal love.
> 
> Things like compassion, compromise, effort, empathy, giving, thoughtfulness etc...those mean love. To me anyway.


So someone breaks into your home, he has a gun to your gf/wife and he pulls the trigger, you don't throw yourself in front of her? You don't throw yourself at the guy holding the gun? If it were me in that situation...there isn't a bullet fast enough that would be beat me to my guy. Protecting the person I choose to spend my life with is as important to me as protecting my kids. 

As far as love goes...when you accept that that person has a 50/50 chance of hurting the ever living crap out of you; but you take the risk anyway because not being with them feels worse than the possibility of having your heart broken, that is love. 

You love her when you are ready to take the risk, AP.


----------



## moxy

Disenchanted said:


> I still love every woman I have ever loved. I believe that love never dies.
> 
> I just wouldn't want to touch any of them.


I still love my ex, probably always will -- and, not as a friend; the failure of our marriage had zero to do with lack of love and everything to do with other factors like commitment, respect, integrity, and honesty. That's why the only companionships I seek out, at this time, are casual.

There are different kinds of love; Eros is not Agape is not Philia. In other languages, there are way more words for the various kinds of love. They are worth thinking about.

Edit: one can feel love for a person, but still move on. One can love more than a single person, too. Actions do matter. And I just realized that talking about love makes me feel kinda sick.


----------



## Another Planet

Uggh you guys...come on :/
Protecting and sacrificing just to prove love are two different things. That mthrfckr better pull the trigger fast cause that's the only chance he has to survive. I will shoot first, it is that simple. Again protecting someone and killing yourself on purpose are completely different things.

I sacrificed, OHH did I sacrifice for my exwife. I sacrificed everything dear to me, family, friends, money, even began destroying my life piece by piece just to make her happy. 
BS, people who require you to sacrifice yourself to prove that you love them ARE the most selfish people. 
Two people that better each others lives more often then not, that is a loving relationship. Two people together where one of them ultimately is the sole benefactor of the relationship is not love...that is abuse.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Uggh you guys...come on :/
> Protecting and sacrificing just to prove love are two different things. That mthrfckr better pull the trigger fast cause that's the only chance he has to survive. I will shoot first, it is that simple. Again protecting someone and killing yourself on purpose are completely different things.
> 
> I sacrificed, OHH did I sacrifice for my exwife. I sacrificed everything dear to me, family, friends, money, even began destroying my life piece by piece just to make her happy.
> BS, people who require you to sacrifice yourself to prove that you love them ARE the most selfish people.
> Two people that better each others lives more often then not, that is a loving relationship. Two people together where one of them ultimately is the sole benefactor of the relationship is not love...that is abuse.


Okay, well Dis was talking about a completely different kind of sacrifice when he said he would take a bullet for the woman he loved; not the break your back to show the person you are with how worthy you are. No one should be with someone that needs that kind of sacrifice.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I want to sacrifice my workout progress for a delicious burger.


----------



## Jellybeans

I want to sacrifice my non-getting-laid status for a WHOLE LOTTA SEX


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'll take the burger. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

And I'll take The Sex for $200, Alex.

:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Ya know, sometimes on this thread my neck hurts from all of the bouncing around.


----------



## ne9907

I will take chili beans


----------



## angstire

Cheeseburgers and sex? Whoop, there it is. The best things in life, plus some really old whiskey


----------



## unsure78

angstire said:


> Cheeseburgers and sex? Whoop, there it is. The best things in life, plus some really old whiskey


ooo you have got it right... i want all of them


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I still love my ex, probably always will -- and, not as a friend; the failure of our marriage had zero to do with lack of love and everything to do with other factors like commitment, respect, integrity, and honesty. That's why the only companionships I seek out, at this time, are casual.
> 
> There are different kinds of love; Eros is not Agape is not Philia. In other languages, there are way more words for the various kinds of love. They are worth thinking about.
> 
> Edit: one can feel love for a person, but still move on. One can love more than a single person, too. Actions do matter. And I just realized that talking about love makes me feel kinda sick.


I'm going to be provocative here, and I'm not trying to be an ass Moxy because is think the world of you. 

I do believe you still love your ex, but one day down the road when you do open up and let yourself fall in love with another person, any residual love for your ex will disappear. It will be as if those years with him never even occurred. 

I personally do not believe, through my experiences, that a woman can love more than one man at a time. Once she detaches from man 1 and attaches herself to man 2, any feelings for man 1 are gone with the wind. 

I hate it when I have broken up with girlfriends, and they give me that "I'll always love you" line. I hate that. Because it's simply not true. I don't believe any woman in my past who had claimed to love me even gives me a second thought now that they have attached themselves to a new man. 

So ladies just be honest when you break up with a lover or D a husband. Don't tell them you will always love them. Tell them "I will love you until I start loving someone else. I may remember you fondly but it won't be love."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> That's not misdirection, that's manipulation. Sleight of hand magicians use misdirection ... you surely aren't one of those.


How is simply not proclaiming my success manipulation at all? It's not like I portray myself as a bum. I portray myself as a simple, working man - the man that I was years ago before I married my ex. Ex still fell, even though she could never have seen my potential.

How is it wrong to desire the same?



Jellybeans said:


> Actually, the ones having the last laugh are the women. When they find out you have lied to them and presented yourself as not what you are in order to get them to jump through a hoop or go to the next level, they will be totally turned off and feel as if they dodged a bullet. I know I would. Nothing worse than dating someone who is straight up lying to you. You play a lot of games, RD. I feel sorry for the women you date. You can't be honest with them to save your life. And if you start relationships based on lies, you won't ever find a good one.





Fenix said:


> Your success is part of your package, just like looks on a woman...which you seem to be really keen on. Success doesn't have to equal material wealth in my world, but a successful guy is much more attractive than someone not successful, simply because it translates into confidence. Regardless of whether they are "working class".
> 
> Personally, RD, I think you should be in IC, not the dating world.





Dedicated2Her said:


> Or, you could be missing out on a woman who is emotionally secure and has her own dealbreakers....... My gf would be one. She isn't after money (she has her own), but she has certain things she needs in a relationship.


I ain't even straight up lying!

As I mentioned I don't portray myself as a bum, just a simple working man without financial ambitions. I don't portray myself as a man who would need a woman's money, but nor do I proclaim my assets. 

Besides stability is an achievement of its own, I struggled with that in my earlier years especially when I first got married and even after I began ownership, working 84 hours a day. There's a thin line between financially stability and materialism but I'm trying to ensure the women I invest in wish for the former not the latter.

I have an issue with money coming into a relationship mostly due to witnessing my mother re-marrying for money and also due to having married a woman who didn't give a flying fk - hence despite her issues setting a standard I can't live without.

I don't want to get involved in another relationship and then have my ex around as a ghost knowing that she's still the only one who actually loved me for me and not my wealth.



> As is should be. Any woman worth keeping would have an issue with it.


I haven't exactly said anything bad about the date I actually cared about did I? I respect her decision not to get involved with a seperated man, just disappointed, especially when she only decided that over time instead of straight up; "I thought I could handle that but I can't"

She didn't want to invest as she couldn't trust that it's safe, it's fair enough. But not going to let her rush me into divorce, I'm still hoping to wait out ex's refusal to sign her side of the form to avoid court.


----------



## angstire

bandit.45 said:


> I hate it when I have broken up with girlfriends, and they give me that "I'll always love you" line. I hate that. Because it's simply not true. I don't believe any woman in my past who had claimed to love me even gives me a second thought now that they have attached themselves to a new man.


Agree with this part, I heard _I will always love you_ from a woman that was doing the most unloving things. Much more accurate to say _I will always care about you_. 

(Although in my case, _I will always care about you_ is not even true. _I will always love you _was said to make it easier for her to sneak away, rather than just be honest. The lies went SO, SO deep.)

Oh and this is my $.02. If Moxy loves her ex, she loves her ex. But similar to Bandit, I have my doubts when anyone says _I will always love you_. Not possible, IMO.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Besides stability is an achievement of its own, *I struggled with that in my earlier years especially when I first got married and even after I began ownership, working 84 hours a day. *There's a thin line between financially stability and materialism but I'm trying to ensure the women I invest in wish for the former not the latter.
> 
> *I have an issue with money coming into a relationship mostly due to witnessing my mother re-marrying for money and also due to having married a woman who didn't give a flying fk - hence despite her issues setting a standard I can't live without.*
> 
> I don't want to get involved in another relationship and then have my ex around as a ghost knowing that she's still the only one who actually loved me for me and not my wealth.


This is why you should go to IC.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> * Ex still fell, even though she could never have seen my potential.
> *
> I have an issue with money coming into a relationship mostly due to witnessing my mother re-marrying for money and also *due to having married a woman who didn't give a flying fk - hence despite her issues setting a standard I can't live without.*
> 
> I don't want to get involved in another relationship and then have my ex around as a ghost knowing that *she's still the only one who actually loved me for me and not my wealth.
> *


RD...do you see the ridiculous pedestal that you have put your STBX on here?? You are acting as if this is some kind of divine gift on her part, but its not. There are countless women out there who are like this, who have been with a man in the beginnings of his career or business, and they are everywhere. Instead of going through these ridiculous games to cover up who you really are, which is lying, and manipulation, trust that you have the good sense to weed out any materialistic gold diggers as they present themselves. I would think they are pretty obvious to spot. Stop idolizing your ex, she was just a normal woman in that regard.


----------



## jpr

Bottom line. RandomDude...you sound like you are sort of a jackhole.

Well....the *sort of* part is sort of debatable. 


I am not sure if your attitude towards women and behavior makes you very deserving of a woman who is fit to pass your little 'tests'... anyway.


I can't imagine any woman actually wanting to be with a man with your sort of attitude.


----------



## bandit.45

angstire said:


> Agree with this part, I heard _I will always love you_ from a woman that was doing the most unloving things. Much more accurate to say _I will always care about you_.
> 
> (Although in my case, _I will always care about you_ is not even true. _I will always love you _was said to make it easier for her to sneak away, rather than just be honest. The lies went SO, SO deep.)
> 
> Oh and this is my $.02. If Moxy loves her ex, she loves her ex. But similar to Bandit, I have my doubts when anyone says _I will always love you_. Not possible, IMO.


I think this is one of the fundemental differences between men and women. I think men can continue to love women from their past, even while having the priority love of the woman or wife they are with currently. 

Would I jump in front of my high school sweetheart, who I have had no contact with in over 28 years? 

In a New York second. 

Would she bend down, hold my head and cry and mourn my passing as the blood drains down the gutter?

No. Because she gave her love to another man decades ago.


----------



## 06Daddio08

RD, didn't your ex cheat on you?


----------



## unsure78

I dont know bandito... I still have feelings for the engy, the feelings are strong enough that I still think of him every single day and I havent seen him in a year. ..the feeling are strong enough that I hope I never see him again as it would be a world of pain for me... I haven't been in full love since but have very very much liked and been hurt. .. I would be with the engy again in a min, if I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but the truth is he would...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

On another train of thought today I have realized that im really really good at just dating. .. but I suck it at relationships. ... need to fix this issue..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> On another train of thought today I have realized that im really really good at just dating. .. but I suck it at relationships. ... need to fix this issue..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Interesting revelation


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I dont know bandito... I still have feelings for the engy, the feelings are strong enough that I still think of him every single day and I havent seen him in a year. ..the feeling are strong enough that I hope I never see him again as it would be a world of pain for me... I haven't been in full love since but have very very much liked and been hurt. .. I would be with the engy again in a min, if I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but the truth is he would...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But you still have feeling for him because you have not yet given your heart to a new man. When you do, it will be like "Engy who? Oh yeah I seem to remember him. What about him ?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> On another train of thought today I have realized that im really really good at just dating. .. but I suck it at relationships. ... need to fix this issue..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's bunk. 

You just haven't found a compatible guy yet. When you do it will click like Sammy Davis Jr's tap shoes and you'll do fine. Engy was not compatible. He was a rebound from your ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> That's bunk.
> 
> You just haven't found a compatible guy yet. When you do it will click like Sammy Davis Jr's tap shoes and you'll do fine. Engy was not compatible. He was a rebound from your ex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have had the click... then it goes haywire once in relationship status... just dating im frieking awesome. .. they all want to see me again... its when I start feeling something things go south...so I wonder what im doing wrong once I get in that relationship

Im always the one who gets hurt... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I have had the click... then it goes haywire once in relationship status... just dating im frieking awesome. .. they all want to see me again... its when I start feeling something things go south...so I wonder what im doing wrong once I get in that relationship
> 
> Im always the one who gets hurt...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But see I don't think that's the click. I think you are shortchanging yourself. At some point there is going to be a stellar guy who reciprocates your feelings... that's when it really clicks, then its more than just chemistry... it's the real deal and YOU WILL KNOW from your gut whan that happens.

You gotta be patient. 

But I see where you are coming from: with each potential relationship you get more and more gunshy, more jaded, and then your wall goes up higher, and then the guy picks up on that and he gets scared off... because you have built a bit of a wall there. 

And it gets worse for you with each new guy. Its a vicious cycle. 

Am I wrong?


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> RD, didn't your ex cheat on you?


What? :scratchhead:
She has never cheated on me



3Xnocharm said:


> RD...do you see the ridiculous pedestal that you have put your STBX on here?? You are acting as if this is some kind of divine gift on her part, but its not. There are countless women out there who are like this, who have been with a man in the beginnings of his career or business, and they are everywhere.


Actually there aren't unless I import - which alot of men in my city have resorted to doing, or moving someplace else. Personally I don't see why I should import as I've found a needle in a stack of needles already - there should be another one in this city - and I can't move either, my daughter and business keeps me locked down in this city.

The whole "game" you guys call is so simple - I'm just coming across as the man I used to be before all the greens. If they determine that man isn't suitable then whatever! I have to protect my assets not just for myself but I have a daughter to support.

Why should I allow myself to be robbed?



> Instead of going through these ridiculous games to cover up who you really are, which is lying, and manipulation, trust that you have the good sense to weed out any materialistic gold diggers as they present themselves. I would think they are pretty obvious to spot. Stop idolizing your ex, she was just a normal woman in that regard.


Normal for let's say, a country girl, but not where I live where money is everything. Heck, most people just come here to make money and move somewhere else due to the culture.



vi_bride04 said:


> This is why you should go to IC.


I've already been seeing an IC
Hell she even agrees with me in terms of the culture here where I live

I don't idolise my ex, but I do respect her, and despite having many issues she's a good woman. I wish the best for her even though she's pissing me off by not signing her half of the forms



> Bottom line. RandomDude...you sound like you are sort of a jackhole.


You're entitled to your opinions and name-calling, like I give a sh-t


----------



## edgya1234

RandomDude said:


> What? :scratchhead:
> She has never cheated on me
> 
> 
> 
> Actually there aren't unless I import - which alot of men in my city have resorted to doing, or moving someplace else. Personally I don't see why I should import as I've found a needle in a stack of needles already - there should be another one in this city - and I can't move either, my daughter and business keeps me locked down in this city.
> 
> The whole "game" you guys call is so simple - I'm just coming across as the man I used to be before all the greens. If they determine that man isn't suitable then whatever! I have to protect my assets not just for myself but I have a daughter to support.
> 
> Why should I allow myself to be robbed?
> 
> 
> 
> Normal for let's say, a country girl, but not where I live where money is everything. Heck, most people just come here to make money and move somewhere else due to the culture.
> 
> 
> 
> I've already been seeing an IC
> Hell she even agrees with me in terms of the culture here where I live
> 
> I don't idolise my ex, but I do respect her, and despite having many issues she's a good woman. I wish the best for her even though she's pissing me off by not signing her half of the forms
> 
> 
> 
> You're entitled to your opinions and name-calling, like I give a sh-t


RD you can't import women You do have however the right to defend your properties and well I don't think in any country in the world somebody will ask you , at the first date how much do you make or what is your value in terms of $$$
So I guess what the ante writers were trying to say is that you could extend the courtesy of saying who you are to your dates - not all of them are gold diggers, some of them might have more money than you
Hope you do not mind my comments, trying to lighten up the discussion


----------



## RandomDude

Guess import is a bad term, more "dating outside the city and getting the ladies to move to your location" - which isn't my thing!

I still don't see what's wrong with my little "game" - I don't even lie - I just change words for example from "my staff" to "my workmates", "my business" to "my job" and then let them assume! I also didn't lie when I said I have no degree!

Now I don't portray myself as a bum either, if they aren't impressed by some man who has a steady job without finishing high school - then I doubt they can handle a man who owns several outlets in his business without finishing high school! That's all I portray myself as; a normal working guy!

I don't like to think of my success as an advantage when it comes to dating as I had NONE the last time I was single before marriage. Besides I can reveal my finances at anytime and if the lady in question gets pissed I didn't give her a portfolio of my finances before getting to know her then whatever!

Only thing she would be pissed about aren't even any straight up lies but allowing her to assume that I'm the average joe financially. Besides I do enforce a team environment (hence workmates) and I do have a job keeping things running!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> But see I don't think that's the click. I think you are shortchanging yourself. At some point there is going to be a stellar guy who reciprocates your feelings... that's when it really clicks, then its more than just chemistry... it's the real deal and YOU WILL KNOW from your gut whan that happens.
> 
> You gotta be patient.
> 
> But I see where you are coming from: with each potential relationship you get more and more gunshy, more jaded, and then your wall goes up higher, and then the guy picks up on that and he gets scared off... because you have built a bit of a wall there.
> 
> And it gets worse for you with each new guy. Its a vicious cycle.
> 
> Am I wrong?



This one fooled me I thought he was the real deal, and I let myself like him...I let myself belive him as the actions were backing the words initially. .. the other ones even if I dated them for 2 months I knew they were temporary or had issues so I didnt have feelings for them... this one I did... and now im hurt again (though not that deeply as I didnt love him)...

Bandit I dont know what I do that turns off guys at a relationship stage. .. just dating guys love me, trip over themselves for me... once my feelings start they back off..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

> just dating guys love me, trip over themselves for me... once my feelings start they back off..


Commitment issues and a sense of unwanted responsibility


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Commitment issues and a sense of unwanted responsibility


These are the same guys that are switching around their kids schedule to be with me and telling me they want a relationship with me or talk future.....

Oh and they dont tell me this [email protected] just to get laid... this is after that still
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, you may be right. I know that when I'm truly done with someone, that person is completely removed from my life. I can be very cold. I don't feel like I could ever do that with my ex. Maybe I'm not over him but will be one day. Maybe I will fall in love with someone else (doubtful, though I am hoping for a whole hell of a lot of lust and limerence!). Today, I'm just feeling reckless enough to say that maybe you're right. If loving a partner means giving that partner primacy in your heart, it may well be true that love is utterly replaceable. The romantic in me doesn't like that idea. The realist in me recognizes your logic as sound.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> These are the same guys that are switching around their kids schedule to be with me and telling me they want a relationship with me or talk future.....
> 
> Oh and they dont tell me this [email protected] just to get laid... this is after that still
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope still to get laid...sorry Unsure...:/

You guys say it all the time, actions actions actions. 
I've never tried to date you so all I know is what you say here buuuuuut...if it is an obvious habitual problem it is you not them. Just like me ending up OM often, it is actually my problem not the other persons.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> This one fooled me I thought he was the real deal, and I let myself like him...I let myself belive him as the actions were backing the words initially. .. the other ones even if I dated them for 2 months I knew they were temporary or had issues so I didnt have feelings for them... this one I did... and now im hurt again (though not that deeply as I didnt love him)...
> 
> Bandit I dont know what I do that turns off guys at a relationship stage. .. just dating guys love me, trip over themselves for me... once my feelings start they back off..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Want me to be honest? 

They want you for the fun and the sex. But when you start latching on, making overtures that you want to take the relationship farther, they look down and see that little boy by your side. They don't want to be stepdads to another man's child. 

That's just the cold hard truth of it. I'm sorry, but men are chicken sh!t cowards that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, you may be right. I know that when I'm truly done with someone, that person is completely removed from my life. I can be very cold. I don't feel like I could ever do that with my ex. Maybe I'm not over him but will be one day. Maybe I will fall in love with someone else (doubtful, though I am hoping for a whole hell of a lot of lust and limerence!). Today, I'm just feeling reckless enough to say that maybe you're right. If loving a partner means giving that partner primacy in your heart, it may well be true that love is utterly replaceable. The romantic in me doesn't like that idea. The realist in me recognizes your logic as sound.


I had a girlfriend last year who loved the hell out of me, but we broke up because I could not move to be with her. I got the Ill always love you line. I bet it wasn't a month before she had hooked up with a new man. I don't even register in her memory anymore. 

Yep. Been down this road with women before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I think this is one of the fundemental differences between men and women. I think men can continue to love women from their past, even while having the priority love of the woman or wife they are with currently.


I don't agree that this is a gender-based difference. If men can have emotional harems, women also ought to be able to. To some extent, this has to do with progressive ideals about love and sexuality.

Now, that being said, I've never loved anyone before my exh, so I can't say I'd do anything for any of my other exes. In fact, I'd walk right past them without a word or feeling; not so with ex-h -- and, also not so with hot neighbor (I'd still bang him if he found himself single again).


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Nope still to get laid...sorry Unsure...:/
> 
> You guys say it all the time, actions actions actions.
> I've never tried to date you so all I know is what you say here buuuuuut...if it is an obvious habitual problem it is you not them. Just like me ending up OM often, it is actually my problem not the other persons.


Its why its been ended with him his actions no longer followed his words

And im not afraid to look at my own actions... hence why im asking the question up here of what am I doing in a relationship that ends up wanting them to fade off...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Want me to be honest?
> 
> They want you for the fun and the sex. But when you start latching on, making overtures that you want to take the relationship farther, they look down and see that little boy by your side. They don't want to be stepdads to another man's child.
> 
> That's just the cold hard truth of it. I'm sorry, but men are chicken sh!t cowards that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course my dear always be honset here... it part of the reason I come...

It may be true but I tend to pick guys who have kids already so they know what they are getting into... and as I stated before and to everyone of them... no involving kids till at least 6months to a year
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Of course my dear always be honset here... it part of the reason I come...
> 
> It may be true but I tend to pick guys who have kids already so they know what they are getting into... and as I stated before and to everyone of them... no involving kids till at least 6months to a year
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But they know you have a boy up front. They still use you until you start to push and ask to take it higher. Then they bail. 

I dunno. I don't think it's you. I just think it's male instinct not to want to raise another mans kid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> But they know you have a boy up front. They still use you until you start to push and ask to take it higher. Then they bail.
> 
> I dunno. I don't think it's you. I just think it's male instinct not to want to raise another mans kid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you are right...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> But they know you have a boy up front. They still use you until you start to push and ask to take it higher. Then they bail.
> 
> I dunno. I don't think it's you. I just think it's male instinct not to want to raise another mans kid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not always! That was/is one of my requirements, that they have their own kids. I want more kids but not of my own. GF was completely blindsided by that.


----------



## bandit.45

Unsure you're a beautiful woman. They want to get you in bed. They'll tell you what you want to hear, but when you start talking commitment? Buhbye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Unsure you're a beautiful woman. They want to get you in bed. They'll tell you what you want to hear, but when you start talking commitment? Buhbye.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's kinda sad. Some commitment is good. Commitment doesn't have to equal marriage.


----------



## unsure78

Actbandit.45;8378841]Unsure you're a beautiful woman. They want to get you in bed. They'll tell you what you want to hear, but when you start talking commitment? Buhbye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]

Yea ive gotten fairly good at picking that out.. this one I belived, it was the little things we clicked on... thought he was actually a "nice guy" for once. .. 

Just kinda makes it hard to belive any of them anymore. .. at least killer I knew what he was and SA I was pretty sure of his issues so no getting hurt there...

The a$$es or plays I can deal with, I understand what im dealing with up front.... it the "nice guys" that I give a chance to that end up hurting me... hes only the second guy since my D was finalized 2 yrs ago that ive been legit hurt by... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Love sucks. I hate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I don't agree that this is a gender-based difference. If men can have emotional harems, women also ought to be able to. To some extent, this has to do with progressive ideals about love and sexuality.
> 
> Now, that being said, I've never loved anyone before my exh, so I can't say I'd do anything for any of my other exes. In fact, I'd walk right past them without a word or feeling; not so with ex-h -- and, also not so with hot neighbor (I'd still bang him if he found himself single again).


I guess I was generalizing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

> Yea ive gotten fairly good at picking that out.. this one I belived, it was the little things we clicked on... thought he was actually a "nice guy" for once. ..
> 
> Just kinda makes it hard to belive any of them anymore. .. at least killer I knew what he was and SA I was pretty sure of his issues so no getting hurt there...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wait until the 3rd or 4th date before taking it physical. If a guy will wait for you that long, then he might be a keeper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I guess I was generalizing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough. You might be right. I might be wrong. Or the other way around. I just don't see it as split evenly across gendered lines, but I'm no expert.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Wait until the 3rd or 4th date before taking it physical. If a guy will wait for you that long, then he might be a keeper.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good to know!


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Wait until the 3rd or 4th date before taking it physical. If a guy will wait for you that long, then he might be a keeper.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I already do... this one was on the 6th date I think...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Man, there are some seriously weird people in the world of online dating. The things people say sometimes make me go, "WTF!?".


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I already do... this one was on the 6th date I think...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow. I'm sorry Unsure. 

Damns that sucks. I don't know what to tell you. 

Maybe you should start looking at guys who are outside your usual target zone in terms of looks, interests, social status.... guys who aren't as hip or hot as you are used to? 

******** like me and Muskrat?


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Man, there are some seriously weird people in the world of online dating. The things people say sometimes make me go, "WTF!?".


That's why I will never go there. No of that online sh!t for me. I would end up with Sybil.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Yea ive gotten fairly good at picking that out.. this one I belived, it was the little things we clicked on... thought he was actually a "nice guy" for once. ..
> 
> Just kinda makes it hard to belive any of them anymore. .. at least killer I knew what he was and SA I was pretty sure of his issues so no getting hurt there...
> 
> The a$$es or plays I can deal with, I understand what im dealing with up front.... it the "nice guys" that I give a chance to that end up hurting me... hes only the second guy since my D was finalized 2 yrs ago that ive been legit hurt by...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I totally feel you Unsure, and I am sorry you keep getting hurt. 

The last three men that I was involved with all picked other women over me. Ex BF didnt leave me for another woman, but he refused to let go of an ex no matter how much I fought, objected, threatened....XH divorced me to remarry his first wife ( who DOES that??)...NoChem picked a woman he knew for two weeks over being with me. So, WHAT the hell is the matter with my picker that I CHOOSE these men? Or is it something I am doing once we get involved? Is it possible to treat men TOO good??


----------



## angstire

bandit.45 said:


> Wait until the 3rd or 4th date before taking it physical. If a guy will wait for you that long, then he might be a keeper.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally accurate. From a guy's perspective, which I happen to be, any woman I've had sex with on first or second date, I've tried not to let it influence, but I don't take them as seriously. Somewhere under the thoughts of biking my subconscious wonders if they do that with me, how many other guys.

Women who give up sex right away are usually trying to use it as a trap, enticement, etc.

Women that have been down for hair messing up on date 4 or 5 have been taken more seriously as relationship prospects. 

I can say as a man, if we have to work for that a little harder, we respect the woman (or, if we weren't that interested to begin with, walk away sooner).


----------



## angstire

I don't know where else to share this and it's too awesome not to. 

Warning it's graphic and sexy and silly in a totally dubstep way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPslvBVqJp8


----------



## jpr

bandit.45 said:


> Want me to be honest?
> 
> But when you start latching on, making overtures that you want to take the relationship farther, they look down and see that little boy by your side. They don't want to be stepdads to another man's child.
> 
> That's just the cold hard truth of it. I'm sorry, but men are chicken sh!t cowards that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am not sure if this is true.
...at least I haven't run across it.

The firefighter I dated for several months always said that he would love my son as his own...and I believe him. He pushed a bit to spend time with my son, but I never really felt comfortable with that.

My bf right now loves my son....and is in many ways more of a father figure than his own father. He spends more time with my son than his own father does. 

Maybe it is because my son is so young. :scratchhead: He was only 9 months old when my ex and I separated. ...so, maybe it is easier for a man to bond with a child when they are that young and open. 

But, honestly, when I first started thinking about dating, I was worried. I wondered, "Who would even want to be a part of my life? I have a baby/toddler. No one would ever want to involve themselves in my mess. " ...........but, I slowly realized that I have a pretty sweet life. My son is awesome, my dog is super cool, I own a house, I've got great friends...I get to come home from work each afternoon, drink a beer, and play and dance all night long with my kid and dog. It is a pretty sweet life. There were a few people out there who wouldn't mind being a part of my world. 

My bf really enjoys being a part of my son's life. He is proud of his role, and he actually WANTS to spend time with him. 

I know I would have no problems if roles were reversed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

angstire said:


> I don't know where else to share this and it's too awesome not to.
> 
> Warning it's graphic and sexy and silly in a totally dubstep way.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPslvBVqJp8


My daughter has been listening to this like, forever! lol!


----------



## vi_bride04

So sleep with a guy too soon and they don't want a relationship with you. Take your time, get into a relationship then they flake anyways??

Dating is stupid.


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> So sleep with a guy too soon and they don't want a relationship with you. Take your time, get into a relationship then they flake anyways??
> 
> Dating is stupid.


Agreed, but it's the route we gotta go to have a relationship. Stuffs looks crazy from the dude side for what women do during dating, but maybe that makes more sense from the side of the ladies.


----------



## angstire

Another ridiculous music video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6N_PXN4EGeE


----------



## jpr

Yeah....dating is stupid if you think about it too much.

I think that it is b.s. for a man to think less of a woman who sleeps with him on the first or second date.

...I mean, really. It takes two to tango. It is hypocritical.

Generally speaking, it is probably best to hold out for a little while for BOTH parties.


But, frankly, I would think less of a man for thinking less of me for having slept with him on the first date. ......does that make sense? ....Because, it would make him seem hypocritical and double-standardish <--those are two things I can't stand. I don't know...it sort of has a sexist vibe to it.

...and I don't think that I would ultimately want to be with someone like that.


----------



## angstire

And another odd video, with a bit more musical redemption.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E0fVfectDo


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> That's why I will never go there. No of that online sh!t for me. I would end up with Sybil.


Sybil? Oh goodness. I laughed at that.

Not sure what made me want to try it, but after a week, I think I've decided that it was a bad idea.


----------



## angstire

Every woman that there has been sex on the first or second date has not ended up being more than a few dates. Even with the ones I wanted to continue with. 

For some, I think my subconscious thought it was too easy and took them less seriously.

For some that walked from me, I think they felt bad that they got their hair messed up too soon.

I can tell the truth (or my truth anyway) or I can cover it up and pretend it's not true, but I ain't doing it. I've learned too much in the last year, not to be honest with TAM-folk. 

Bottom line is, sex too soon spoils things, even though it does indeed take two to tango.

Ladies, if you want something to go far with a dude, don't have sex until date 3, 4, 5. 

If you want to have fun with someone and you already know that it's not going to go far; well TAM-peeps who know me, know that I am an advocate for sex. It's free, it's fun and it's good exercise; why not?


----------



## moxy

angstire said:


> Totally accurate. From a guy's perspective, which I happen to be, any woman I've had sex with on first or second date, I've tried not to let it influence, but I don't take them as seriously. Somewhere under the thoughts of biking my subconscious wonders if they do that with me, how many other guys.
> 
> Women who give up sex right away are usually trying to use it as a trap, enticement, etc.
> 
> Women that have been down for hair messing up on date 4 or 5 have been taken more seriously as relationship prospects.
> 
> I can say as a man, if we have to work for that a little harder, we respect the woman (or, if we weren't that interested to begin with, walk away sooner).


So, if a woman is likely to have sex on a second date, she's trampy? What if it's someone you've known for a while just as an acquaintance before a couple of dates? And what if you know for a fact that she's not promiscuous? Or...is the issue just that it's too easy and doesn't involve enough of a chase? I'm not judging, honestly asking.


----------



## vi_bride04

So I did fvck it up with disc golf by doing it on date #2. 

I need to learn to keep it in my pants


----------



## angstire

moxy said:


> So, if a woman is likely to have sex on a second date, she's trampy? What if it's someone you've known for a while just as an acquaintance before a couple of dates? And what if you know for a fact that she's not promiscuous? Or...is the issue just that it's too easy and doesn't involve enough of a chase? I'm not judging, honestly asking.


I think there's too much here to tie up into a succinct paragraph, but I'll try.

For me:
Sex too soon has almost always been from a woman who was trying to use sex to snare me. I didn't see the red flags on the first/second date (aside from sex, obviously), but I did soon after. 

I think acquaintances are different, because there's already a relationship there and that's put at risk (good and bad) when sex enters the equation. So, it's different than online dating. Also, if you meet a date through a friend, also different because the reports back to friends of "bad" behavior. People tend to be on extra special good behavior.

Knowing that she isn't promiscuous could only come from knowing her, so again, not the same boat as sex on date 2. 

In general:
It takes two to tango, so the man could equally be called trampy for having sex too early, but based on the biology of our species, men want to have sex with as many women as they can, so they will, more often than not. And women want to be more selective, from a biological perspective. This is obviously generalized, I've made decisions not based on biology and many people do with much more rigor and principles than I do. So, generalizations and not universally applied, but that doesn't make them wrong.

My main point was to say, ladies (and gentlemen), if you want a relationship, hold off on the banging until date 4. If you want to have fun, bang away and enjoy your singlehood. 

It's been impossible for me to turn really fun sex on date 1, into anything more than a couple more dates. Maybe that's just me (but I doubt it).


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> So I did fvck it up with disc golf by doing it on date #2.
> 
> I need to learn to keep it in my pants


This is also my problem, but...I like sex. And, I hadn't had it in so long. I guess I just don't see it as a bad thing if both adults are consenting. I don't see it as something that should cause a loss of respect, but, then I am not a dude.


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> So I did fvck it up with disc golf by doing it on date #2.
> 
> I need to learn to keep it in my pants


I can go back and re-read and offer my advice....but who knows, if he's gone, let him go. Dating is like mini-versions of our failed marriages. Timing could be off, chemistry could be bad, something could happen in their lives that chills a relationship, they could see something in you and overreact, etc. It could be so much, just let him go. He's not the one who got away. If you had fun, groovy.

You're not perfect and don't hold up your actions with a particular guy as though there is a formula you didn't get just right with him. 

As long as you're true to what you want, set boundaries, avoid your deal-breakers and red flags, you'll be fine.

Since he walked, he wasn't the boy for you. There are hundreds of boys that will be just right for you at a specific moment when the timing for you both works out.

I do this too sometimes, but don't overthink why it failed, unless there is something you know you did and then fix it. (I tried to hold hands on one of my first, first dates! Creeper...I know better now about rushing emotional intimacy).

Hope this helps, but I know you enough to know you have your stuff together, so don't worry about disc golf guy. He wasn't one of the Ones for you.


----------



## angstire

moxy said:


> This is also my problem, but...I like sex. And, I hadn't had it in so long. I guess I just don't see it as a bad thing if both adults are consenting. I don't see it as something that should cause a loss of respect, but, then I am not a dude.


I don't think we think that way on purpose.

I also have had women bail on me after early sex because I think they wake up the next day and feel remorse and I'm associated with that remorse and so they need to get rid of me. I had fun, they had fun and I don't see the problem, but they do.


----------



## jpr

I had sex within a week of meeting my current boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year now.


I had sex on the first date with the last guy I dated. We dated for close to a year after that.

With that.said, I think it is best to wait. But, I also dont think it is a dealbreaker for consenting adults. I have found that most of the men I am interested in dont have that sort of.mindset....that mindset where they judge the woman as a floozy for sleeping with him too soon.

I enjoy sex,and sometimes I get carried away. It happens.
.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I prefer to wait to have sex, I feel like, if you do it too soon, what is there to look forward to? You miss all that buildup as the two of you are connecting and getting closer.


----------



## angstire

jpr said:


> I enjoy sex,and sometimes I get carried away. It happens.
> .


And both your BFs are thankful for that. 

Maybe I just meet crazies that will have sex early on and I need to meet a mentally stable lass like you....that lives in this tundraesque place that I live.


----------



## angstire

Ok, last video because I love Mad Men, Christina Hendricks and Broken Bells. Need to hit the bike in the AM, g'night all. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVxTsXRjNTw


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> I had sex within a week of meeting my current boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year now.
> 
> 
> I had sex on the first date with the last guy I dated. We dated for close to a year after that.
> 
> With that.said, I think it is best to wait. But, I also dont think it is a dealbreaker for consenting adults. I have found that most of the men I am interested in dont have that sort of.mindset....that mindset where they judge the woman as a floozy for sleeping with him too soon.
> 
> I enjoy sex,and sometimes I get carried away. It happens.
> .


Why are you comfortable having current boyfriend as a father figure to your son and not firefighter?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Are there any guys that don't want to waste time and find out if you are sexually compatible with a woman?

I mean that is a huge part of a relationship, some more than others (of both sexes)


----------



## jpr

I didnt really see a future with the ff.

We were missing something...it might have been partially me. I was emotionally constipated at the time....but, also, we didnt really have an intellectual connection. ....we were on different wavelengths a lot. It became difficult to talk to him. ...and other things...he was no open to having more kids...he was not respectful of my religious beliefs....he never introduced me to his friends or family. There was no future, and I knew it. After close to a year of dating, I could never muster the words, "I love you."...& neither could he.


I see a future with my current bf. I want to spend my future with him. There is a connection. ....and we want the same future.


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian gal and I had sex on the first date, but that was following months of flirting. We were already comfortable with each other. 

If I like a gal I'll wait for her to feel okay with me of she needs to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm going to go out on a limb and say Vi's situation with sex early in a relationship differs from many here.


----------



## bandit.45

Man it's slow tonight. Hitting the sack. Night all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Are there any guys that don't want to waste time and find out if you are sexually compatible with a woman?
> 
> I mean that is a huge part of a relationship, some more than others (of both sexes)


The problem is that if we rush it, especially with more conservative cultures; we will most likely crash and burn.

Depends on the woman / upbringing / values!


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Not always! That was/is one of my requirements, that they have their own kids. I want more kids but not of my own. GF was completely blindsided by that.


This is cool.


----------



## RandomDude

Admirable, personally I don't know if I can handle a kid who isn't my own

I've always hated kids except for family


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Its why its been ended with him his actions no longer followed his words
> 
> And im not afraid to look at my own actions... hence why im asking the question up here of what am I doing in a relationship that ends up wanting them to fade off...



Don't get too down on yourself, Unsure. It is almost like finding a needle in a haystack--someone compatible who wants a relationship that you also want. It simply isn't easy to encounter. You have to go through a lot of uncomatibles before finding someone who is compatible. 

I mean, it could be they didn't like something about you or anything really. Just as when you don't feel a spark with someone or something about them throws you off.

I say don't badger yourself up too much.

It's better to find out sooner than later in every case. So if this Mr. Unsure isn't responding to you anymore, then FCK HIM. You'are a HOT woman who will find plenty of other men to date. If he can't even give you the courtesy of responding to you after saying he wanted you to be his girlfriend, that that is a reflection on HIM, not you, darling.


bandit.45 said:


> Wait until the 3rd or 4th
> 
> date before taking it physical. If a guy will wait for you that long, then he might be a keeper.


Yeah? So is waiting for like the fifth or sixth date too long? I mean I really don't want to fck a guy I just met, you know? 



bandit.45 said:


> Want me to be honest?
> 
> They want you for the fun and the sex. But when you start latching on, making overtures that you want to take the relationship farther, they look down and see that little boy by your side. They don't want to be stepdads to another man's child.


Eh, I will offer a different POV, Unsure. I am childfree and I run into the same sh*t you do. Someone who seems to be into me and then fades out. So while Bandit may be right about some men and your child, just know on the other side of the coin is someone who doesn't have kids (me) and experiences the same. So I think ti's just really that these guys don't want a relationship when they bounce. And t hat's fine. cause that frees up time to find other guys we're more compatible with anyway.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> So I did fvck it up with disc golf by doing it on date #2.
> 
> I need to learn to keep it in my pants


Vi, I am personally going to show up at your door with a chastity belt. If I need to chaperone your dates, I will.

I think you should set a goal: Next guy you date, no sex for a couple of dates. Get to know him.

And only time will tell if having sex so soon fcked up things or not.



3Xnocharm said:


> I prefer to wait to have sex, I feel like, if you do it too soon, what is there to look forward to? You miss all that buildup as the two of you are connecting and getting closer.


This. Vi, you need to get in the mentality of how much more EXCITING it is when you keep going out but not doing it because the build up is freakin FANTASTIC to the point you are going to want to pee yourself from excitement when you finally do!!!

When Grandpa finally got me in my knickers I was like, YAAAAAYYYYYYYY! I wanted him to rip all of my clothes of and quickly. I was like, "Enough of all this TALK sh*t. I don't really care about how your projects are going. Undress me." Hee.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So sleep with a guy too soon and they don't want a relationship with you. Take your time, get into a relationship then they flake anyways??
> 
> Dating is stupid.


It is. You want to talk about how complicated girls are lol sorry guys can be worse...and every guy is different 
We want you to be a little ****ty but only for us, if you tease us we need you to sleep with us and if you don't you are leading us on and we dump you. If you don't sleep with us soon enough we dump you...but if you sleep with us to soon we assume you do this with everyone so we don't take you seriously and we dump you for being ****ty...viscous viscious cycle


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> You want to talk about how complicated girls are lol
> 
> We want you to be a little ****ty but only for us, if you tease us we need you to sleep with us and if you don't you are leading us on and we dump you. If you don't sleep with us soon enough we dump you...but if you sleep with us to soon we assume you do this with everyone so we don't take you seriously and we dump you for being ****ty...viscous viscious cycle


Thank you for saying this. So much for men being "easy" to understand.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> So I did fvck it up with disc golf by doing it on date #2.
> 
> I need to learn to keep it in my pants





vi_bride04 said:


> Are there any guys that don't want to waste time and find out if you are sexually compatible with a woman?
> 
> I mean that is a huge part of a relationship, some more than others (of both sexes)


Vi there is really just to many types of people in the world to try to lump people together with the rest.
Personally I am in the sleep first ask questions later crowd BBUUUUUTTTTT I only do long term relationships so wtf?

Sexual compatibility is very important to me, if we are already throwing major vibes around your wet and I am hard and this goes on for more then a couple dates I am checking out. If we get it on and have fireworks there is a good chance I am yours afterwards and it doesn't matter if it is first date or not.

Whatever, different strokes for different folks(pun intended) 
I'm just saying I am not waiting a month or two to go on 15 dates and spend $500-$1000 on charming you if I am not getting any tail.....I am impatient and probably pretty wreckless :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Sexual compatibility is very important to me, if we are already throwing major vibes around your wet and I am hard and this goes on for more then a couple dates I am checking out.


Sometimes people prefer to get to know one another first before knocking boots. I get that we're all different and respect that but a guy who would "cut me loose" just cause I didn't fck him on the first or second or third date wouldn't be someone I'd care to carry on with anyway. Because prioritizing getting into my panties over getting to know me really says it all.

Next. 

And I'm not saying sex is bad but just that if that is all a guy cares about, then he should find someone who just wants to fck and not date.


----------



## Dollystanford

Whereas I like to find out if we're sexually compatible early on. No point in wasting everyone's time with six dates if we're not going to create fireworks in the sack


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> So sleep with a guy too soon and they don't want a relationship with you. Take your time, get into a relationship then they flake anyways??
> 
> Dating is stupid.







vi_bride04 said:


> Are there any guys that don't want to waste time and find out if you are sexually compatible with a woman?
> 
> I mean that is a huge part of a relationship, some more than others (of both sexes)


As it's been said, there are far too many different types of people to be so generalized. The reasons for "flaking" can be due to personal boundaries or issues not even related to you, sex or no sex.

I make it no secret, I haven't had sex in over 2 years and while some will gawk at the fact I've also turned down ons or fwb. Letting that little tidbit out is usually followed by "What, you don't like sex?" and that's far from the truth. 

My thoughts are simple; I'd much rather get to know someone first before sleeping with them within the first couple dates. If I feel they're of open mind, able to communicate and level headed the sexual stuff will be that much more enjoyable. The "compatibility" can be discussed, even in bed we all have our boundaries and to some those are the most vulnerable and intimate.


----------



## Jellybeans

I feel the same, Daddio. The build up and anticipation is one of the funnest parts about it.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Sometimes people prefer to get to know one another first before knocking boots. I get that we're all different and respect that but a guy who would "cut me loose" just cause I didn't fck him on the first or second or third date wouldn't be someone I'd care to carry on with anyway. Because prioritizing getting into my panties over getting to know me really says it all.
> 
> Next.
> 
> And I'm not saying sex is bad but just that if that is all a guy cares about, then he should find someone who just wants to fck and not date.


I would friendzone you before we even dated so no worries, we wouldn't even have to bother figuring that stuff out


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> This is cool.


It is cool for me too because as another single parent that way I feel more assured they understand why I can't make them my number 1 priority. It provides a valid reason to keep it casual and avoid foolish or premature commitment.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I would friendzone you before we even dated so no worries, we wouldn't even have to bother figuring that stuff out


We would not be compatible for dating anyway. 

Better to stay friends.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> We would not be compatible for dating anyway.
> 
> Better to stay friends.


Agreed lol 
Hey now that we are just friends want to go to an art show with me next month In Ann Arbor?


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah man, let's go. I love a good art show. Maybe I can use my transporter to get there since it's a million miles away from me.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah man, let's go. I love a good art show. Maybe I can use my transporter to get there since it's a million miles away from me.


Hey maybe that's what you need instead of a good lay you need a new friend with out benefits? :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

A friend is always nice but I do still need to get laid. 

:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> A friend is always nice but I do still need to get laid.
> 
> :rofl:


Yeah but sometimes a hot guy friend that you aren't fckn gets your confidence up and your juices flowing so you can get out there and get you some...I'm just saying :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

That's what friends are foooooooooooooooooor.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I feel the same, Daddio. The build up and anticipation is one of the funnest parts about it.


I have felt this way flirting with a guy I am already in a relationship with - getting all hot and bothered, building up anticipation to have hot sex later. But only after being serious/exclusive for awhile. BF/GF if you will. 

I don't get excited or build anticipation like that with anyone until I make up my mind to commit to them. 

:scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah man, let's go. I love a good art show. *Maybe I can use my transporter* to get there since it's a million miles away from me.


OMG can I borrow it sometime??

You are so funny


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Hey maybe that's what you need instead of a good lay you need a new friend with out benefits? :scratchhead:


And no, JB needs the benefits. One week until May and she still hasn't got laid this year yet! She has to meet her goals.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I have felt this way flirting with a guy I am already in a relationship with - getting all hot and bothered, building up anticipation to have hot sex later. But only after being serious/exclusive for awhile. BF/GF if you will.
> 
> I don't get excited or build anticipation like that with anyone until I make up my mind to commit to them.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Interesting.

See I think the flirting and banter and the dates out without getting naked fast makes it so much more OMG WOW when the moment finally arrives.

There was a line on Sex and the City once, where Samantha said "The only ting sexier than having sex is not having sex." Because you start imagining how it's going to be and getting excite between dates and then when you finally kiss/touch/make out/strip, etc, it is sooo fun.



ne9907 said:


> OMG can I borrow it sometime??


Fo' sho'. My transporter looks like this.


----------



## ne9907

On another news, I was strangely upset last night that even the green monster popped in my head a couple of times. Why?
Because I asked blue eyes if he wanted to do something in the evening and he said he would like to but could not (we had seen each other on tuesday night). His reasoning? He got back from vacation and needed to catch up on things, he wanted to reschedule for today. 
BUT... I leave today for a mini vacation-festival and wont be back until next next tuesday.

It upset me!! good thing I hide my crazy from him really well....


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting.
> 
> See I think the flirting and banter and the dates out without getting naked fast makes it so much more OMG WOW when the moment finally arrives.


Yes, but you don't have sex with people you aren't going to commit to, correct? So in a way you are very similar other than you don't get physical needs met unless you have decided to commit to someone. 

Where I will totally take an "O" if I am physically attracted to someone.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I have felt this way flirting with a guy I am already in a relationship with - getting all hot and bothered, building up anticipation to have hot sex later. But only after being serious/exclusive for awhile. BF/GF if you will.
> 
> I don't get excited or build anticipation like that with anyone until I make up my mind to commit to them.
> 
> :scratchhead:


I know exactly what you are saying.



vi_bride04 said:


> And no, JB needs the benefits. One week until May and she still hasn't got laid this year yet! She has to meet her goals.


But like she has already said it takes her 3million steps before it even starts for her so she better start to stepping! Sounds like she has to mix it up and do something a little different to get the ball rolling.



Jellybeans said:


> Interesting.
> 
> *See I think the flirting and banter and the dates out without getting naked fast makes it so much more OMG WOW when the moment finally arrives.*
> 
> There was a line on Sex and the City once, where Samantha said "The only ting sexier than having sex is not having sex." Because you start imagining how it's going to be and getting excite between dates and then when you finally kiss/touch/make out/strip, etc, it is sooo fun.
> 
> Fo' sho'. My transporter looks like this.


You are such an Aquarius!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes, but you don't have sex with people you aren't going to commit to, correct? So in a way you are very similar other than you don't get physical needs met unless you have decided to commit to someone.


Not necessarily. Remember, I never want to get married again so that is never the end goal for me. It's not so much about "committment" in a bonafide relationship sense to me than it is about an understanding. Do I feel comfortable enough to go there with him? Are we on the same page as far as what we want?



vi_bride04 said:


> And no, JB needs the benefits. One week until May and she still hasn't got laid this year yet! She has to meet her goals.


:iagree:

I'm going to start getting my vagina's coffin ready if another year goes by...



ne9907 said:


> It upset me!! good thing I hide my crazy from him really well....


Haha. Just reschedule for when you get back from vacation. 



Another Planet said:


> You are such an Aquarius!


Yes, I am!


----------



## angstire

All this talk of sex points to the awesomeness and the suckiness of dating. Because it's not just sex, but relationships that run that spectrum.

Awesome sex on date 1 that indicates there will be a good relationship, that then falls apart when more is discovered about each other.

Unsatisfying sex on date 5 with someone you like in so many other ways.

But how can we find these things out unless we take the risk either way? Who wants to be with a crazy where the sex is great? Who wants to be with someone who has their stuff together, but the sex is mediocre. 

If you don't care about sex, then the latter works fine. But most of the folks on this thread really like sex, so....how to try that out at the appropriate time and get that knowledge without developing a bad dynamic for physical too soon?

Dating: awesome and sucky, but mostly confusing.


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> Who wants to be with a crazy where the sex is great?


:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Not necessarily. Remember, I never want to get married again so that is never the end goal for me. It's not so much about "committment" in a bonafide relationship sense to me than it is about an understanding. Do I feel comfortable enough to go there with him? Are we on the same page as far as what we want?


Why does commitment equal marriage??? I don't understand. You can be committed with someone and not even live in the same house. 

You wouldn't sleep with someone sleeping with other women, right? You would want them exclusively boinking you AND you want that emotional connection. 

Can't have a FWB b/c once emotions are involved, its no longer FWB. Can't do the ONS/NSA thing as they are probably going to do other women. Just sounds like you are looking for a BF. 

ETA: I know you aren't specifically, but just seems thats what would give you what you are looking for.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't have time for a boyfriend. 

I'm fcked basically. But not literally.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I don't have time for a boyfriend.
> 
> I'm fcked basically. But not literally.


Everyone has time for whatever their priorities are 

Hang in there, JB. You'll get laid this year. 

I would say I will stay celibate until you get laid...but...I don't think I have that much self control


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Everyone has time for whatever their priorities are
> 
> Hang in there, JB. You'll get laid this year.
> 
> I would say I will stay celibate until you get laid...but...I don't think I have that much self control


At least you're honest aboot it.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Hang in there, JB. You'll get laid this year.


Oh I am truly believing this. I am going to say it enough to where I will it to happen.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> I don't have time for a boyfriend.
> 
> I'm fcked basically. But not literally.


You need the ACME Closet Stud. 

The robotic, lifelike macho stud android who stores conveniently in a closet or nook, has a body modeled from a casting of Michael Fassbender, powered by rechargeable lithium batteries, is hung like a chandelier, never gets tired, never gets soft and is programmed in over 1000 sexual techniques...

And he washes dishes.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Everyone has time for whatever their priorities are
> 
> 
> 
> Hang in there, JB. You'll get laid this year.
> 
> 
> 
> I would say I will stay *celibate* until you get laid...but...I don't think I have that much self control



That single word was the reason I did not become a priest.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> At least you're honest aboot it.


Just acknowledging my POS tendencies


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> You need the ACME Closet Stud.
> 
> The robotic, lifelike macho stud android who stores conveniently in a closet or nook, has a body modeled from a casting of Michael Fassbender, powered by rechargeable lithium batteries, is hung like a chandelier, never gets tired, never gets soft and is programmed in over 1000 sexual techniques...
> 
> And he washes dishes.


Oh man. Michael Fassbender is totally sexy to me. I would with him in every way, eight times. He's my Hollywood boyfriend.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Oh man. Michael Fassbender is totally sexy to me. I would with him in every way, eight times. He's my Hollywood boyfriend.


Every chick likes him.

Gets fvcking old....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> But like she has already said it takes her 3million steps before it even starts for her so she better start to stepping! Sounds like she has to mix it up and do something a little different to get the ball rolling.


Waiting past date #2 and making a connection is NOT 3 million steps! Thats not fair to say that. Some of us want something more meaningful than having sex right out of the gate. I think you texting bleacher for over two months without meeting is closer to 3 million steps than what JB is trying to find!


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw, Bandit. Cheer up.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, Bandit. Cheer up.


Fassbender is a Porsche Carrerra.

I'm a '58 Cadilliac De Ville. I'll get a woman to the same destination... just slower and with more comfort.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Oh man. Michael Fassbender is totally sexy to me. I would with him in every way, eight times. He's my Hollywood boyfriend.


Makes me feel old, who is this Michael Fassenbender?


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Waiting past date #2 and making a connection is NOT 3 million steps! Thats not fair to say that. Some of us want something more meaningful than having sex right out of the gate. I think you texting bleacher for over two months without meeting is closer to 3 million steps than what JB is trying to find!


I never said I didn't take 3million steps...fine if you want to say it like that I guess you peeps that screw after 4th 5th or even 6th date are ****tier then me 
Plus I meant to even want to go out on a date just to get laid ATM she sounds like she needs to prep herself to be in a different frame of mind.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Makes me feel old, who is this Michael Fassenbender?


He is an Irish actor.

Michael Fassbender - IMDb


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I never said I didn't take 3million steps...fine if you want to say it like that I guess you peeps that screw after 4th 5th or even 6th date are ****tier then me
> Plus I meant to even want to go out on a date just to get laid ATM she sounds like she needs to prep herself to be in a different frame of mind.


What does ATM mean? 

You are coming across as a little harsh. There is nothing wrong with going on a date with someone. I don't get why you're saying I'm sl-tty if I don't want to sleep with someone on a first date. Also I don't go on dates" "to get laid." I am not apologizing for not wanting to fck a guy on a first date.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> He is an Irish actor.
> 
> Michael Fassbender - IMDb


Yep, I am old


----------



## Jellybeans

But I bet you've heard of his movies before, Dre. He's been in everything lately. And got nominated for an Oscar this year!


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> I don't have time for a boyfriend.
> 
> I'm fcked basically. But not literally.


Wrong time to offer to help out?


----------



## angstire

bandit.45 said:


> Every chick likes him.
> 
> Gets fvcking old....


It's like Ryan babyduck Gosling, I hate him because so many of the ladies love him.


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> Wrong time to offer to help out?


Aw, thanks for thinking of me.


----------



## bandit.45

angstire said:


> Wrong time to offer to help out?


Wh0re.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

No, no. The proper term is SLVT.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> No, no. The proper term is SLVT.


Yer so confusing jelly, you want a bf but you don't want a bf... you want to get laid but you don't want to get laid... You want a commitment but you don't want a commitment


----------



## Jellybeans

I have never said I didn't want to get laid or that I want a boyfriend. 

But I am a woman and confusion is our middle name.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> Yer so confusing jelly, you want a bf but you don't want a bf... you want to get laid but you don't want to get laid... You want a commitment but you don't want a commitment


:iagree: :iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

You love me.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> What does ATM mean?
> 
> You are coming across as a little harsh. There is nothing wrong with going on a date with someone. I don't get why you're saying I'm sl-tty if I don't want to sleep with someone on a first date. Also I don't go on dates" "to get laid." I am not apologizing for not wanting to fck a guy on a first date.


ATM= automatic teller machine...duh

j/k  ATM=at the moment

Interesting what some people get insulted by hmmm :scratchhead:
I never said you are ****ty, especially ****ty for waiting?! And LOL no not harsh at all  I could care less if someone screws on the first, second, or 20th date, it makes no difference to me and how I live my life. Plus all that was just an across the board general joke.
For your information if you want to look at my past record of time before screw I am quite the **** so whatever


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I have never said I didn't want to get laid or that I want a boyfriend.
> 
> *But I am a woman and confusion is our middle name. *


No, mine is "easy slvt"

:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

I stand corrected.


----------



## Jellybeans

And I don't think you are a slvt, Vi. You just are quicker to sleep with someone. If it works for you, then great. But you have been saying you wish you were not so quick to hop to it so I would suggest not doing it as soon with the next guy you date and seeing if you feel any different.

Maybe we should switch. I could try a ONS and you could try dating a guy for a little bit before sex.

It'll be like Freaky Friday the movie but with sex styles. LOL


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> But I bet you've heard of his movies before, Dre. He's been in everything lately. And got nominated for an Oscar this year!



I have, but I was just thinking it was not long ago when women swooned about Paul Newman


----------



## Jellybeans

Paul Newman was SO hot.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> No, mine is "easy slvt"
> 
> :rofl:


Cool!
I'm an unactuated manwh0re.


----------



## ne9907

Robert Redford when he was young.

My favorite is Garrett Hedlund. I would so totally jump him.


----------



## Jellybeans

You have good taste, Ne.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> And I don't think you are a slvt, Vi. You just are quicker to sleep with someone. *If it works for you, then great. But you have been saying you wish you were not so quick to hop to it so I would suggest not doing it as soon with the next guy you date and seeing if you feel any different.*
> 
> Maybe we should switch. I could try a ONS and you could try dating a guy for a little bit before sex.
> 
> It'll be like Freaky Friday the movie but with sex styles. LOL


I have been thinking about this subject for awhile. Months to be honest. I realize I have NEVER gotten to really know anyone prior to sleeping with them. I mean all my relationships have been pretty quick in the sack occurrences. Well besides my first love/virginity taker. We were bf/gf for over 3 months before getting physical. Everyone else were acquaintances or friends I've known for a bit. So I think I really have no idea how to get to know strangers properly before sleeping with them.

I also realized this stems from something that happened in my childhood where my boundaries are skewed a bit and feel as long as I am friends with a guy it is ok to sleep with them without romantic/love feelings. Plus, I just really enjoy sex. lol

So I do know a bit of the "why" as to why I act the way I do. I realized it before disc golf and was trying to actually change the dynamics of how I date and failed by sleeping with him on the 2nd date. That is why I'm beating myself up so much for it b/c I was really trying to commit to changing something deep in my core. 

BIG FAT FAIL.


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's okay Vi, next time listen to me and your problems will be solved.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You have good taste, Ne.


Thank you!

I am going to a festival full of cowboys this weekend! Hoping to find me a look alike 

Mr. Hedlund looked mighty fine in Country Strong~


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> It's okay Vi, next time listen to me and your problems will be solved.


But I don't want to go 2 years w/out having sex. Six months-ish was enough. lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> But I don't want to go 2 years w/out having sex. Six months-ish was enough. lol


Oh you b1tch.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> But I don't want to go 2 years w/out having sex. Six months-ish was enough. lol


Lets all meet in Vegas and have a big TAM Singles orgy. Get it out of our systems.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Robert Redford when he was young.
> 
> My favorite is Garrett Hedlund. I would so totally jump him.


I crushed on him big time in Friday Night Lights! Felt like a pedophile, lol!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Lets all meet in Vegas and have a big TAM Singles orgy. Get it out of our systems.


Do you have soft hands?


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> Do you have soft hands?


Nooooope...

Calloused and rough. I'm a construction guy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> Do you have soft hands?


Weird question of the day, LOL!


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Weird question of the day, LOL!


As if 06Daddio08 would ever feel my hands.... 

I don't play for the other team.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Lets all meet in Vegas and have a big TAM Singles orgy. Get it out of our systems.


I approve of this suggestion.


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> Robert Redford when he was young.
> 
> My favorite is Garrett Hedlund. I would so totally jump him.


Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid - YouTube


----------



## angstire

vi_bride04 said:


> So I do know a bit of the "why" as to why I act the way I do. I realized it before disc golf and was trying to actually change the dynamics of how I date and failed by sleeping with him on the 2nd date. That is why I'm beating myself up so much for it b/c I was really trying to commit to changing something deep in my core.
> 
> BIG FAT FAIL.


Don't beat yourself up, you tried something new, that's what counts. Do better next time. Everyone fails at some point, or even often. Trying is what matters, you'll succeed eventually.


----------



## Ikaika

Best scene from a movie (includes Paul Newman)

Car Wash scene from Cool Hand Luke - YouTube


----------



## angstire

on the topic of celebs that do it for us, Charlize Theron.


----------



## bandit.45

Monica Bellucci.


----------



## Ikaika

angstire said:


> on the topic of celebs that do it for us, Charlize Theron.


More my type 

Ziyi Zhang. ( After You ) Music By Noel Quinlan. - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

Bandit and Angst - Well both of you have great taste. Charlize to me is a class act. Monica exudes sexy.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Bandit and Angst - Well both of you have great taste. Charlize to me is a class act. Monica exudes sexy.


You didn't comment on the Vegas orgy. whaddya think?


----------



## Jellybeans

I will go to Vegas but I am not having an orgy.

God. You guys make me feel like such a prude. 

If I happen to run into Michael Fassbender though at Circus Circus or Ceasar's Palace, you will never hear from me again.

Just saying.


----------



## Another Planet

angstire said:


> on the topic of celebs that do it for us, Charlize Theron.


----------



## Jellybeans

If I meet Fassbender, the only thing I am abusing is his body.

I'll be like, "CHECK, please" and be disappear like a ghost.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


>


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Bandit and Angst - Well both of you have great taste. Charlize to me is a class act. Monica exudes sexy.


Yea but, can your actress sweethearts do this? 

Coca Cola "Fight" 2003 - YouTube

Ziyi Zhang vs Tony Leung - The Grandmaster - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Yea but, can your actress sweethearts do this?
> 
> Coca Cola "Fight" 2003 - YouTube
> 
> Ziyi Zhang vs Tony Leung - The Grandmaster - YouTube


She's a boy.

Monica Bellucci likes to take honey baths. Will your little 80 pound Chinese girl do this?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I will go to Vegas but I am not having an orgy.
> 
> God. You guys make me feel like such a prude.


Its b/c you are and old fart at heart 

Got those old fashioned "proper" rules


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Its b/c you are and old fart at heart
> 
> Got those old fashioned "proper" rules


I was just trying to help Jelly and you out with your sexual needs. You could tie up all of us TAM guys in a closet and take us out one by one and debauch us at your leisure.

(As long as I get a 2 hour break around midnight to go downstairs and play blackjack)


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Its b/c you are and old fart at heart


I really am. My mother tells me all the time that I am like an old person.

Old soul! Hahahaha. 

By the way, I think Monica Belluci's soon to be ex husband Vincent Cassel is HOT as hell.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> She's a boy.
> 
> Monica Bellucci likes to take honey baths. Will your little 80 pound Chinese girl do this?


No but she can fly 

Zhang Ziyi (ShowCase)HD - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> No but she can fly
> 
> Zhang Ziyi (ShowCase)HD - YouTube


She starting to show her age though. She is going the way of Li Gong. 

Now Li Gong was a hottie.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> She starting to show her age though. She is going the way of Li Gong.
> 
> *Now Li Gong was a hottie*.


I agree. But then again, my wife is hotter than both of them


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> She starting to show her age though.


Oh no! She's 35! Hurry up, someone get her a wheelchair and an AARP membership!


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Oh no! She's 35! Hurry up, someone get her a wheelchair and an AARP membership!


She lives under a communist regime remember? No AARP needed.


----------



## Ikaika

Not under the communist regime but still part of my family... she is still my hottie


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Not under the communist regime but still part of my family... she is still my hottie


She's a beaut!


----------



## Jellybeans

So.... two of my colleagues have been stuck in our elevator for about forty minutes now with the fire department trying to get them out of there. 

I know this is serious and everything but I laughed when I found out. 

They take smoke breaks every fifteen minutes like it's going out of style and the elevator is probably feeling a little abused and going on strike. Maybe its elevator is punishing them?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> So.... two of my colleagues have been stuck in our elevator for about forty minutes now with the fire department trying to get them out of there.
> 
> I know this is serious and everything but I laughed when I found out.
> 
> They take smoke breaks every fifteen minutes like it's going out of style and the elevator is probably feeling a little abused and going on strike. Maybe its elevator is punishing them?


Ouch... although a good reason to quit.


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


>


I agree, she's a good actress. And a stone cold hottie.


----------



## Ikaika

Some local hotties  I guess I am just a bit biased 

Models of Hawaii - Bikini and Beach Edition - YouTube


----------



## lisab0105

Hmmmm

If I could build a guy...


----------



## Dollystanford

My requirements can be summed up thus:


----------



## Another Planet

Lisa did you just build Jason Statham


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Lisa did you just build Jason Statham


HA I think so :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm thinking Jason Statham doesn't have the wit of Louis CK. Just a hunch


----------



## angstire

Dollystanford said:


> My requirements can be summed up thus:


It would be best if we did not (or did) meet then.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. I hear a loooove connection up in here!


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I hear a loooove connection up in here!


You JB are my first TAM love, but that Dolly, well, brownchickenbrowncow.


----------



## caladan

Wait - who's a cow again?


----------



## angstire

caladan said:


> Wait - who's a cow again?


say it fast Cal, brownchickenbrowncow. Think thick stashes and pizza delivery in the 70s


----------



## caladan

angstire said:


> say it fast Cal, brownchickenbrowncow. Think thick stashes and pizza delivery in the 70s


I lived in a different country in the 70s. I didn't even know pizza existed back then.


----------



## angstire

caladan said:


> I lived in a different country in the 70s. I didn't even know pizza existed back then.


oh dude, you missed out on full bush porn. I can send you a link if you want to expand your horizons. Your call.


----------



## Another Planet

angstire said:


> say it fast Cal, brownchickenbrowncow. Think thick stashes and pizza delivery in the 70s


That's funny 

Ron Jeremy - Spiderpussy (Slight Return). - YouTube


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> You need the ACME Closet Stud.
> 
> The robotic, lifelike macho stud android who stores conveniently in a closet or nook, has a body modeled from a casting of Michael Fassbender, powered by rechargeable lithium batteries, is hung like a chandelier, never gets tired, never gets soft and is programmed in over 1000 sexual techniques...
> 
> And he washes dishes.


OMG yes. Robot boyfriend? I'd totally do that.


----------



## angstire

moxy said:


> OMG yes. Robot boyfriend? I'd totally do that.


yes, I do have a video for every topic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4gPZPKJc0s


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Nooooope...
> 
> Calloused and rough. I'm a construction guy.


That's hot. And so is Monica Belucci, a thought I can sit with for a while.

And, angstire, great links, both robot and Facebook block song.


----------



## Another Planet

angstire said:


> yes, I do have a video for every topic.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4gPZPKJc0s


That is very interesting, and so are her eyebrows. That skip at 1:00ish tripped me out lol

Cool song! Do they have any other good songs?


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


> That is very interesting, and so are her eyebrows. That skip at 1:00ish tripped me out lol
> 
> Cool song! Do they have any other good songs?


Here's another one from Amanda Palmer (strange eyebrows), NSFW very much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EsmFrOzqfw

She has this burlesque element to her music. I think Coin Operated Boy is one of their most radio friendly songs and also true for when she went solo a few years ago. 

Fun trivia, she's married to author Neil Gaiman (Coraline and other spooky stories) and they have a fairly untraditional marriage (that seems to work really well for them).


----------



## Another Planet

Did anyone use to listen to Type O Negative?
If you did did you know Peter Steele died a couple years ago? Wasn't aware until a buddy told me like a month ago.


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


> Did anyone use to listen to Type O Negative?
> If you did did you know Peter Steele died a couple years ago? Wasn't aware until a buddy told me like a month ago.


I did listen to them and no, I didn't know that.


----------



## Another Planet

angstire said:


> I did listen to them and no, I didn't know that.


Yeah it surprised me too! I haven't listened to them in a LOOONG time cause my exWife is a biatch but this song got me through some rough times lolol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZGlq3rl7NU


----------



## ne9907

I am overthinking again. This is my fault, when I feel someone is pulling away from me, I tend to overdo things and want to do ANYTHING to keep them close.

I am not even dating blue eyes, just an easy hanging out, so texted to see how my day was going and asked about the festival i am attending this weekend.

He said something that at first I thought funny, but not so now.

We were talking about country music which I like, de doesnt, so I said he has abysmal taste in country music. 
me: haha that is because you have abysmal taste in music.

so he jokingly said that it hurts because he likes his music.
I joked that it was just a tiny sting, that it wasnt too bad.

So he went on to say that he doesnt have many feelings, so he needs to be careful with them. But that it was okay, because i had already killed that feeling, so I could have it (with a smiley face at the end)

He is back at work, so I cant ask him what he meant. I think it was just harmless fun.


----------



## unsure78

Ne you are waaaaaaaaay over thinking things... that is called banter...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Ne yes you are way over thinking. Cool your jets and chill out for a day. I bet you $100 when you wake up tomorrow you are going to think totally differently and you will be glad you didn't send him some crazy text freakin out or something like that.


----------



## ne9907

Damn, i am learning so many new things.... banter, cuddling, massages, 
Where have I been the past 15 years???

Oh yeah, married to someone who never did these things for me.... I am in shock!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> That's hot. And so is Monica Belucci, a thought I can sit with for a while.
> 
> And, angstire, great links, both robot and Facebook block song.


You're a rough hands liker huh?

Yeah, I remember when I first saw Bellucci in Bram Stoker's Dracula where she was sucking blood out of Keanu Reeve's nipple.... 

I thought, if I was attacked by a vampire I would want it to be her, and that would be a great spot to have her suck...

I think she may be just about the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Damn, i am learning so many new things.... banter, cuddling, massages,
> Where have I been the past 15 years???
> 
> Oh yeah, married to someone who never did these things for me.... I am in shock!


NOOOOO KIDDDDDDING OMG IKR!!!! 
I liked and unliked over and over just so I could like a bunch of times!!!


----------



## edgya1234

ne9907 said:


> I am overthinking again. This is my fault, when I feel someone is pulling away from me, I tend to overdo things and want to do ANYTHING to keep them close.
> 
> I am not even dating blue eyes, just an easy hanging out, so texted to see how my day was going and asked about the festival i am attending this weekend.
> 
> He said something that at first I thought funny, but not so now.
> 
> We were talking about country music which I like, de doesnt, so I said he has abysmal taste in country music.
> me: haha that is because you have abysmal taste in music.
> 
> so he jokingly said that it hurts because he likes his music.
> I joked that it was just a tiny sting, that it wasnt too bad.
> 
> So he went on to say that he doesnt have many feelings, so he needs to be careful with them. But that it was okay, because i had already killed that feeling, so I could have it (with a smiley face at the end)
> 
> He is back at work, so I cant ask him what he meant. I think it was just harmless fun.


In my experience if you allow me women and men tend to chase what they can't have. Why: certainly in the beginning the contact started with some wooing and we do not chase the real person, we actually chase that initial feeling of bliss. 

The idea behind it is that although we do value ourselves we need confirmation from others, what we perceived as validation.

What I am going to tell you is that only you can change that by deciding that 1. you love yourself enough not to put yourself in uncomfortable positions. 2. Although is may same strange he or she does not look for you because in reality you are not attracted to that person, we are just attracted to the idea of attraction itself . So it seems our real feeling transcend our cortex and through nonverbal language or little things we comment we convince the other person - also at the subconscient level that we do not like him/her. 
3. You will realize that if you are really bold and write on a paper what you really want from a man , things are a must have in a relationship you focus will change to men that you will actually really like.
4. When you think that you like somebody that is wrong for you do a list with Pros & Cons - what will happen if you pursue that relationship and be honest with yourself. 

Have fun! Don't be afraid to go for what you want, presuming you chose a person that you really want not a person you could settle with.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> You're a rough hands liker huh?
> 
> Yeah, I remember when I first saw Bellucci in Bram Stoker's Dracula where she was sucking blood out of Keanu Reeve's nipple....
> 
> I thought, if I was attacked by a vampire I would want it to be her, and that would be a great spot to have her suck...
> 
> I think she may be just about the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well if any time Keanu turns into a vampire he is very welcome to my blood


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Did anyone use to listen to Type O Negative?
> If you did did you know Peter Steele died a couple years ago? Wasn't aware until a buddy told me like a month ago.


Type O was my very first concert at St. Andrews hall. Coal Chamber opened up for them.


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> I will go to Vegas but I am not having an orgy.
> 
> God. You guys make me feel like such a prude.
> 
> If I happen to run into Michael Fassbender though at Circus Circus or Ceasar's Palace, you will never hear from me again.
> 
> Just saying.


What about Colin Farrell ?


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Type O was my very first concert at St. Andrews hall. Coal Chamber opened up for them.


I saw them wayyyy back around 1990. They opened for Nine Inch Nails in Tucson. 

That lead singer was a big mutha.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> What about Colin Farrell ?


Too short. He's like 5 nothing....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Type O was my very first concert at St. Andrews hall. Coal Chamber opened up for them.


I saw Static X there...I think.
I saw Clutch at Clutch Cargos though!



bandit.45 said:


> I saw them wayyyy back around 1990. They opened for Nine Inch Nails in Tucson.
> 
> That lead singer was a big mutha.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He was in Playgirl, I guess he was big in other ways too LOL
I wish I could catch a NIN concert.


----------



## Lon

Short guys are hawt


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Too short. He's like 5 nothing....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really?? Buhh 
And you had to kill my infatuation, right


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Short guys are hawt


Oops I meant to post that from my fake female profile I use in order to preselect my actual real qualities to trick the TAM girls into thinking I'm really sexy.


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Really?? Buhh
> And you had to kill my infatuation, right


Good actor. Did you see him in Onedine?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Short guys are hawt


Not for me really. Although Coling looks like the ultimate bad boy
but I love my high hills and at 5'6''.....


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Good actor. Did you see him in Onedine?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is a good actor. I didn't see the movie but I've seen some posters and with long hair wow However Keanu wins, is he taller? 
I saw him in Ronin 47 and well..I didn't like the beard but the rest...


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Oops I meant to post that from my fake female profile I use in order to preselect my actual real qualities to trick the TAM girls into thinking I'm really sexy.


So you don't look like Colin Farrell? What a disappointment


----------



## bandit.45

Keanu is like 6'3". He's a tall dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Keanu is like 6'3". He's a tall dude.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not only that he is part Hawaiian (Kanaka maoli), yea!


----------



## edgya1234

drerio said:


> Not only that he is part Hawaiian (Kanaka maoli), yea!


I knew he is a mixed breed LOL This is more fun


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Not only that he is part Hawaiian (Kanaka maoli), yea!


I've heard that. His first name is Hawaiian isn't it? He's a big time surfer too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

edgya1234 said:


> I knew he is a mixed breed LOL This is more fun


Yes, mixed breeds (especially part Hawaiian) are always better


----------



## bandit.45

HOLY SH!T!!!!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I've heard that. His first name is Hawaiian isn't it? He's a big time surfer too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keanu is Hawaiian, but I don't know if he is a big time surfer coming originally from Canada. 

I on the other hand


----------



## edgya1234

drerio said:


> Yes, mixed breeds (especially part Hawaiian) are always better


Aha and you know this from...experience? 
There are no ladies here...? 

What about this guy although the role makes him hotter 
Ian Somerhalder :: Sexiest actors of 2011 :: Celebrity :: Entertainment :: MakeFive


----------



## Ikaika

edgya1234 said:


> Aha and you know this from...*experience*?
> There are no ladies here...?
> 
> What about this guy although the role makes him hotter
> Ian Somerhalder :: Sexiest actors of 2011 :: Celebrity :: Entertainment :: MakeFive


Oh, yes, it is I... Oh and I have shared this before. The lady doing the hula in this video, my cousin:

"Hi'ilawe" @SlackKeyShow George Kahumoku Jr featuring Hula by Kanani Enos - YouTube


----------



## edgya1234

drerio said:


> Oh, yes, it is I... Oh and I have shared this before. The lady doing the hula in this video, my cousin:
> 
> "Hi'ilawe" @SlackKeyShow George Kahumoku Jr featuring Hula by Kanani Enos - YouTube



Congratulation for the cousin, she is very graceful although I like more fun, sexy dances such as tavern flamenco, belly dance...


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Keanu is Hawaiian, but I don't know if he is a big time surfer coming originally from Canada.
> 
> I on the other hand


No he surfs all the time. He and Jack Johnson are good buddies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian just texted me a selfie of a part of her anatomy that shall not be named. 

Damn I didn't know a Droid could get in that close!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> No he surfs all the time. He and Jack Johnson are good buddies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They probably do, I don't keep up too much with the surf scene these days. I have taken to open ocean swimming.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian just texted me a selfie of a part of her anatomy that shall not be named.
> 
> Damn I didn't know a Droid could get in that close!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bragging, bragging - is her name syrian or is she from syria? Are you upset that she sent you that message ups booty call


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Bragging, bragging - is her name syrian or is she from syria? Are you upset that she sent you that message ups booty call


Hell yeah I'm bragging. 

She is Syrian American. Her mom is Syrian and her dad is white bread American boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Hell yeah I'm bragging.
> 
> She is Syrian American. Her mom is Syrian and her dad is white bread American boy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you call her Syrian and let me guess she is calling you yankee? Very sexy and very politically correct

Anyhow ask her to do a dance for you, a belly dance, the one with the ceremonial sword - wow better than any picture with body parts

PS Did not mean any offence hope you understand I am trying to be funny .. the degree of success though varies


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> So you don't look like Colin Farrell? What a disappointment


I'm short like him


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> I'm short like him


And this is a great resemblance how...?


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> And you call her Syrian and let me guess she is calling you yankee? Very sexy and very politically correct
> 
> Anyhow ask her to do a dance for you, a belly dance, the one with the ceremonial sword - wow better than any picture with body parts
> 
> PS Did not mean any offence hope you understand I am trying to be funny .. the degree of success though varies


It's very hard to offend me. No worries. 

She doesn't belly dance but we did go to a hookah bar and watch some gals belly dancing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

I am really trying to be funny you guys The fact is does not go out as I think it, is proof that I am a "comedian" I mean from the brain to the mouth or in this case to the hands the direct connection is somehow interrupted.. 

Hope it does not get me banned LOL


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> What about Colin Farrell ?


Noooo my exh looks a looot like him....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Noooo my exh looks a looot like him....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah but Colin has a bigger schwanschtukka. 



I've heard....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but Colin has a bigger schwanschtukka.
> 
> 
> 
> I've heard....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahaahah very very true.... ive had both extremes now tiny exh and killers niner...  though what made the niner so good was the man behind it....sigh...hot sex
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Hahaahah very very true.... ive had both extremes now tiny exh and killers niner...  though what made the niner so good was the man behind it....sigh...hot sex
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh rub it in why don't you !

Gnar gnar ....hehe heh.....




Okay that was creepy ......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Dang, I'm gone for a day and now I'm completely lost. This thread moves to fast. lol


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Noooo my exh looks a looot like him....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No way? Really? Cool


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> Dang, I'm gone for a day and now I'm completely lost. This thread moves to fast. lol


Hot guys, hot girls - famous actually


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Oh rub it in why don't you !
> 
> Gnar gnar ....hehe heh.....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Okay that was creepy ......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well you still have your Syrian....


----------



## Ikaika

Anyway, this is to my Honey Baby 

Honey Baby- Three Plus - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

I can't takes eyes off this selfie. Holy crap it's mesmerizing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Dang, I'm gone for a day and now I'm completely lost. This thread moves to fast. lol


I feel the same way and I've been checking it frequently today. Lol!


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> No way? Really? Cool


It would be cool except hes my exh who cheated on me with a 24 yr old....hes a douche canoe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> I feel the same way and I've been checking it frequently today. Lol!


That's ok, I crashed the party. I don't really belong.


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> It would be cool except hes my exh who cheated on me with a 24 yr old....hes a douche canoe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry. I was just trying to lighten up the atmosphere
This is totally not cool! Cheating makes him insecure not hot, ha


----------



## unsure78

Thats ok bandito at least you are getting some .. im back to none and the last one only got mediocre at best.. didnt go long enough to be awesome. ..

Lol as I was driving home today thought about texting killer... then thought better of it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

drerio said:


> That's ok, I crashed the party. I don't really belong.


Except for the part you so graciously supplied some inside scoop about your surfer buddy Keanu


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> I am sorry. I was just trying to lighten up the atmosphere
> This is totally not cool! Cheating makes him insecure not hot, ha


No worries you havent been around the thread long enough to know everyones back story...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> That's ok, I crashed the party. I don't really belong.


LOL Actually at the Las Vegas orgy discussion today I realized I don't belong here anymore either 
BUT it's just been a couple weeks official yet so who knows whats in the future. But it's literally like I am watching this path be cleared wide open for this to be really serious...ehh we will see what happens.


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> No worries you havent been around the thread long enough to know everyones back story...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know I am just trying to be supportive ...speaking about intruders


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> No worries you havent been around the thread long enough to know everyones back story...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





edgya1234 said:


> I know I am just trying to be supportive ...speaking about intruders


Come on in the waters fine, join the party


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Come on in the waters fine, join the party


Oh thank you kind sir, so gracious of you I already feel like an old TAM-er although nobody is answering my posts


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Oh thank you kind sir, so gracious of you I already feel like an old TAM-er although nobody is answering my posts


There's another thread for that, it's called the ignored thread lol. I haven't been there in ages but it's just like this one now just a bunch of banter


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> Oh thank you kind sir, so gracious of you I already feel like an old TAM-er although nobody is answering my posts


A fair number of us in this thread really don't wander out of it much anymore...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Heres Edgya's story...
You can elaborate more for us here if you want but like Unsure said we don't really go out of here much lol

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...appening-my-marriage-if-i-still-have-one.html


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> A fair number of us in this thread really don't wander out of it much anymore...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Except me. I'm still all over the place.


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Heres Edgya's story...
> You can elaborate more for us here if you want but like Unsure said we don't really go out of here much lol
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...appening-my-marriage-if-i-still-have-one.html


This is old luv' I had myself posted a new one

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...e-meant-simple-why-did-get-so-complicate.html


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Except me. I'm still all over the place.


But you love us the most!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> This is old luv' I had myself posted a new one
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...e-meant-simple-why-did-get-so-complicate.html


So are you divorcing now?


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> But you love us the most!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yessa maam


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> So are you divorcing now?


I have no idea. I am not tormenting my pretty head with this right now. I will find out in few months when I am going to MBA.
I am just getting to a better place with or without my husband


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> I have no idea. I am not tormenting my pretty head with this right now. I will find out in few months when I am going to MBA.
> I am just getting to a better place with or without my husband


Simplify your life.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Simplify your life.


In a way yes I realized that I will never be the woman that grieves after a man that does not want her. It would be silly of me 
This is the way of the universe saying me that I should actually be with Keanu LOL


----------



## bandit.45

Keanu is my age, maybe older. He's getting old. 

I wanted to see him in that _47 Ronin _movie but it only opned for like a week and then it was gone. I think that was the first leading role he had since that last _Matrix_ movie tanked so bad.


----------



## unsure78

1234 yes you are best to make yourself... with or without the husband... easy to say though hard to do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> 1234 yes you are best to make yourself... with or without the husband... easy to say though hard to do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Call up killer and order a double....


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Oh thank you kind sir, so gracious of you I already feel like an old TAM-er although nobody is answering my posts


You are Romanian edgya?


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> 1234 yes you are best to make yourself... with or without the husband... easy to say though hard to do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First few days were horrible. However I am better and better. And I stop caring about what he wants. I chose if I suffer or not and I decided to love myself enough to get through this. Better than before It helps that my family educated me in this way.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> You are Romanian edgya?


Yes, how did you guess? Ah wait I put it in my profile right?  

Beautiful country, pitty we have politicians


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Keanu is my age, maybe older. He's getting old.
> 
> I wanted to see him in that _47 Ronin _movie but it only opned for like a week and then it was gone. I think that was the first leading role he had since that last _Matrix_ movie tanked so bad.


 I can give you the link to download it. Is Keanu that old? How old is he? Damm Hollywood


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Yes, how did you guess? Ah wait I put it in my profile right?
> 
> Beautiful country, pitty we have politicians


The problem is, the revolutionaries should not have stopped with Nicolae Ceaușescu and that vile creature he was married to. They should have driven out all the communists or put them up against a wall. All your leaders and industry heads are his old allies. Very unfortunate. 

Romania is indeed a beautiful country. I'm going there one day.

I have a very close friend who is from Romania. Why he moved to the desert here in Arizona is a mystery to me. Guess this is where he just ended up. He is the best carpenter I have ever seen.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> The problem is, the revolutionaries should not have stopped with Nicolae Ceaușescu and that vile creature he was married to. They should have driven out all the communists or put them up against a wall. All your leaders and industry heads are his old allies. Very unfortunate.
> 
> Romania is indeed a beautiful country. I'm going there one day.
> 
> I have a very close friend who is from Romania. Why he moved to the desert here in Arizona is a mystery to me. Guess this is where he just ended up. He is the best carpenter I have ever seen.


We have a temperate climate. Though heavy winters. So some people might move away for warmer climates. I like nordic countries but I will never live there. I also love Brussels but it rains too much Spain & Italy have warmer climates though the number of Romanian that are living there. 
Our politicians a cute They are really funny 
And speaking about it let me tell you a really funny story about yours 
So I loved volunteering for certain things - as I believe in globalization I was working for NATO integration with a very famous association. We are going to the US Ambassador for a lunch with US congressmen and their stuff. This guy (older) comes to our table and sits next to me and literally the first sentence coming out of his mouth is : " Romanian women are so beautiful, from the airport until here I've seen more beautiful women than in Hollywood". And he goes on and on and we were so embarrassed, the colonel that was the head of the association was almost red 
I am not involved in politics I love business so I am involved in something more lucrative , for me And Ceausescu well I was too young when it happened I almost don't remember


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Call up killer and order a double....


No sweetheart he was a dog though... me and another younger. .. I was the side girl. .. ended it as soon as I saw confirmation. ..

Sigh im drowing my pain in the muscles of slow tonight. ..lol nothing will happen it never does with him... but he does cheer me up, lol he stuck around longer than any other guy since the engy...

His body is at least nice to look at 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

22 pages till the big 1000 
We'll be there by Saturday morning I bet!


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> We are going to the US Ambassador for a lunch with US congressmen and their stuff. This guy (older) comes to our table and sits next to me and literally the first sentence coming out of his mouth is : " Romanian women are so beautiful, from the airport until here I've seen more beautiful women than in Hollywood".


He is right about that. Romania puts out exceptionally lovely women. Must be something in the water...


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> He is right about that. Romania puts out exceptionally lovely women. Must be something in the water...


Yap for sure the water  Not even in the mountains Is the variety of colors - hair, eyes, skin , heights and we are all slim or very slim. Gym and beauty salons are the norm, brands everywhere - we are kind of snobs. 
Well Anastasia that works the brows of Hollywood beauties is Romanian


----------



## Another Planet

From my cousin OMG ROFLOLOLOLOLOLOL'ing


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Yap for sure the water  Not even in the mountains Is the variety of colors - hair, eyes, skin , heights and we are all slim or very slim. Gym and beauty salons are the norm, brands everywhere - we are kind of snobs.
> Well Anastasia that works the brows of Hollywood beauties is Romanian


Well you all eat well too. You have better diets than Americans. That's the biggest factor. 

My friend Gavril eats very "plain" food, from my perspective. No junk food at all. He won't go to any American restaurant. 

He has got maybe 10% body fat and he doesn't even work out.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Did anyone use to listen to Type O Negative?
> If you did did you know Peter Steele died a couple years ago? Wasn't aware until a buddy told me like a month ago.


Yes. I was a fan of the band and was sad to hear of Peter Steele's death when it happened.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> You're a rough hands liker huh?
> 
> Yeah, I remember when I first saw Bellucci in Bram Stoker's Dracula where she was sucking blood out of Keanu Reeve's nipple....
> 
> I thought, if I was attacked by a vampire I would want it to be her, and that would be a great spot to have her suck...
> 
> I think she may be just about the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My dream threesome would be Keanu Reeves and Monica Belucci. There is very little I wouldn't give to have that. 

And, yeah, hands are one of the things I like.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> 22 pages till the big 1000
> We'll be there by Saturday morning I bet!


Depends on how many posts per page you have set!  I am currently on page 489!


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Depends on how many posts per page you have set!  I am currently on page 489!


Well whatever big 500 for 3x


----------



## moxy

So, hot neighbor came back around. Definitely a booty call. 

I really want to say yes because...I really like f***ing him. But, I asked him what happened to his girlfriend because that was why he said he couldn't hook up when I wanted to a couple of weeks ago and he said they were "just dating", which I guess means not hooking up. It doesn't sound too serious. At the same time, I don't want to put myself at more risk for disease or to be the OW if his thing is like serious. You know? 

So I said, I wanted to think about it and he seemed offended and said "never mind". I told him that mainly I just wanted to know if he were having sex with other people or not and if he and his girlfriend were in love or just hanging out, but he did not answer. I really do wanna have sex --and I'm tempted to just show up at his door mostly naked, like he invited me to do, anyway--, but, if he can't be bothered to try and convince me, he probably doesn't want me that much. And, I'm not so sure how I feel about things. If they (he and mystery girl) are only casual and not serious, I'd bang him, but, he's kinda gotta be willing to talk about things (or at least answer my pretty basic two Qs) right? Or it means he has zero respect for me (not that the number is much higher, as is). 

Note that I've seen no women come to his place, nor have I seen him go out at all after work; and, I've notice him check me out from across the way, still. I also mentioned (bc i didn't want him to feel rejected) that my issue wasn't the sex because it was awesome, but that I had reservations about being an OW. 

I don't know what to think about this. If he'd simply lied and said they broke up, I'd have said yes to that booty call without hesitation. 

Advice, please? I'm avoiding returning to my apartment right now because I don't want my libido to decide for me.


----------



## bandit.45

Damn that's tough.  

Why hasn't he brought the GF to his apartment? If they were serious you would have seen her. 

I say get in there and ride him like a mechanical bull.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> So, hot neighbor came back around. Definitely a booty call.
> 
> I really want to say yes because...I really like f***ing him. But, I asked him what happened to his girlfriend because that was why he said he couldn't hook up when I wanted to a couple of weeks ago and he said they were "just dating", which I guess means not hooking up. It doesn't sound too serious. At the same time, I don't want to put myself at more risk for disease or to be the OW if his thing is like serious. You know?
> 
> So I said, I wanted to think about it and he seemed offended and said "never mind". I told him that mainly I just wanted to know if he were having sex with other people or not and if he and his girlfriend were in love or just hanging out, but he did not answer. I really do wanna have sex --and I'm tempted to just show up at his door mostly naked, like he invited me to do, anyway--, but, if he can't be bothered to try and convince me, he probably doesn't want me that much. And, I'm not so sure how I feel about things. If they (he and mystery girl) are only casual and not serious, I'd bang him, but, he's kinda gotta be willing to talk about things (or at least answer my pretty basic two Qs) right? Or it means he has zero respect for me (not that the number is much higher, as is).
> 
> Note that I've seen no women come to his place, nor have I seen him go out at all after work; and, I've notice him check me out from across the way, still. I also mentioned (bc i didn't want him to feel rejected) that my issue wasn't the sex because it was awesome, but that I had reservations about being an OW.
> 
> I don't know what to think about this. If he'd simply lied and said they broke up, I'd have said yes to that booty call without hesitation.
> 
> Advice, please? I'm avoiding returning to my apartment right now because I don't want my libido to decide for me.


 Moxy I feels for you  no being the other you aren't theirs they are just using you for their rocks ALWAYS! they never care about you their feelings are never true. If you are the OW you aren't theirs you are their thoughts that gets them off with the others that they actually care about  you're not the GF your the fck on the side that they throw away for what they actually care about. Run hun!


----------



## moxy

Bandit, you say go for it; I want to. But, he literally left me hanging by not replying to my Qs over text. Wouldn't I look like a terrible fool if I just went over there now and he was mad that I didn't jump on it immediately and was weird about it? I desire him (so very much), but I don't want to be embarrassed or rejected. 

AP, your perspective makes sense, but I know that I'm not looking for a relationship with this guy, just sex. At the same time, I wanna know that he wants me enough to like try to convince me or to flatter me with a lustful compliment, at the least.

 not really thinking straight.


----------



## moxy

Bandit, also...I'm not sure he even has another girlfriend. It's possible that he said that because he saw me hanging out with a guy at my place that day (a guy who is in the friendzone and who was having a bad day and needed to talk about it, not a date!). He seems short tempered, reactionary, and impulsive, at times.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, also...I'm not sure he even has another girlfriend. It's possible that he said that because he saw me hanging out with a guy at my place that day (a guy who is in the friendzone and who was having a bad day and needed to talk about it, not a date!). He seems short tempered, reactionary, and impulsive, at times.


Who cares? You aren't marrying him. Jump his bones!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah sure, it's always "just sex" 
But for some reason the rest "just" happens and gets in the way and fcks **** up right?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Keanu is like 6'3". He's a tall dude.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I cant sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My ex looks like Keanu, and/or Jim Caviezel
meh... don't care


----------



## Another Planet

Guys of TAM lol your balls can be appreciated don't listen to the haters 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzDUbUQ-qjg#t=123


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I cant sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> My ex looks like Keanu, and/or Jim Caviezel
> meh... don't care


Ne I cant sleep either because of my brain but forget about your ex seriously there is way better out there...way bigger better fish


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Ne I cant sleep either because of my brain but forget about your ex seriously there is way better out there...way bigger better fish


I know 

But I think it was Unsure who mentioned her ex looked like Colin Farrell, and you all were talking about Keanu... so...

But I also dated a guy who in his youth looked a lot like Leonardo DiCaprio!

Oh and another one who kinda sorta maybe looked like Kevin Costner, except this guy was like 5'6"


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> Bandit, you say go for it; I want to. But, he literally left me hanging by not replying to my Qs over text. Wouldn't I look like a terrible fool if I just went over there now and he was mad that I didn't jump on it immediately and was weird about it? I desire him (so very much), but *I don't want to be embarrassed or rejected.*
> 
> AP, your perspective makes sense, but I know that I'm not looking for a relationship with this guy, just sex. At the same time, *I wanna know that he wants me enough to like try to convince me or to flatter me with a lustful compliment, at the least.*
> 
> not really thinking straight.


The only way you'd be rejected is if he's a game player. Which you don't need anyway, even in a booty call. It's just a headache! 

Also - you deserve flirty convincing and lusty compliments! But sometimes guys can be thick and you have to tell them what you want. Also - were you putting out the flirty energy or feeling defensive? I know when I get defensive I something * think* I'm being flirty, but really, I am being more wet 
blanket.

If you feel like you're not thinking straight - might be time to take a break so you can dial back on the emotions. For some reason I don't like hearing about my booty calls being with other people, even though they are just booty calls. :scratch head:

I actually had an agreement with my last booty call we would not mention other people at all and always practice safe sex. Just seems more gentlemanly. I don't want to hear about who my booty call is dating - I'm not their damn therapist!


----------



## bravenewworld

You know, the more time goes by, the weirder I think it is that I was in a sexually incompatible marriage for so long. Life is too damn short!


----------



## Dollystanford

Is this the same guy you were starting to have feelings for? If so avoid, the only person that's going to get hurt in this scenario is you. He was pissed off you didn't jump when he wanted - so what, does he think you're sitting around waiting for him to grace you with his penis?


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> You know, the more time goes by, the weirder I think it is that I was in a sexually incompatible marriage for so long. Life is too damn short!


:iagree:

Today, I had a 24 year old man-child messaging me on Tinder and begging for my number so that he would PROVE to me, that he had a 9in ****.


I said, no thank you. It was hilarious!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

If you guys just want a hot piece fine do that but don't connect emotions to it is all I have to say. Fck and get out, don't snuggle or make breakfast and coffee, you are going in there for a release that is it. Otherwise you need to work on your selves cause you are just going to get hurt.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> You know, the more time goes by, the weirder I think it is that I was in a sexually incompatible marriage for so long. Life is too damn short!


Hardly 
Meet the right guy and you will roll over


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> If you guys just want a hot piece fine do that but don't connect emotions to it is all I have to say. Fck and get out, don't snuggle or make breakfast and coffee, you are going in there for a release that is it. Otherwise you need to work on your selves cause you are just going to get hurt.


I think your new girlfriend has been a good addition to your life. You have been a bag full of great insight lately.... :smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> Is this the same guy you were starting to have feelings for? If so avoid, the only person that's going to get hurt in this scenario is you. He was pissed off you didn't jump when he wanted - so what, does he think you're sitting around waiting for him to grace you with his penis?


Yeah, same guy. Except any romantic feelings I had faded and I realized that, in all honesty, what I liked was the sex. 

I suspect that he was offended or mad or whatever that I didn't just drop everything to hop in his bed the moment he wanted it. Not cool. After all, he didn't do the same when I wanted it.

Trouble is, now that I've reminded myself of what I liked, I feel frustrated and grouchy.


----------



## Dollystanford

Just make sure you're not feeling that way because you're worried you may have burned your bridges with him. Sometimes we tell ourselves that all we care about is the sex but actually there are other things at work


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> Just make sure you're not feeling that way because you're worried you may have burned your bridges with him. Sometimes we tell ourselves that all we care about is the sex but actually there are other things at work


This is good advice. I hadn't considered it from this angle.


----------



## RandomDude

About to head out for dinner with old friends... and they told me to look my best cause of who I'll meet... hmmm... right 

Oh well, might as well pick up a new FWB, it's been a week now since the last one, and I'm feeling better.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> About to head out for dinner with old friends... and they told me to look my best cause of who I'll meet... hmmm... right
> 
> Oh well, might as well pick up a new FWB, it's been a week now since the last one, and I'm feeling better.


As long as your vocabulary consists of "meh", "oh well" and "whatever" you're not feeling anything but indecision. Rofl.


----------



## lisab0105

moxy said:


> This is good advice. I hadn't considered it from this angle.


Moxy, he's a player. He is backtracking because he thinks you're easy and he wants some on the side. I'm sure his girl doesn't know he is trying to screw his neighbor. Getting laid isn't worth her hurt feelings. Anyway, why would anyone want to screw someone that is getting it from someone else at the same time? Think about it, he f*cks her at 9am and by 5pm he's horny so he comes knocking at your door. Ew.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg this thread moves so fast.

I think Keanu is so hot.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Oh well, might as well pick up a new FWB, it's been a week now since the last one, and I'm feeling better.


Make sure you bring your little survey to see if she passes all your tests.


----------



## moxy

UGH. Well, that's unflattering. I don't know.

I just went to sleep, instead. Today's a busy day, anyway. I wish I could sleep in a little longer.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Sigh im drowing my pain in the muscles of slow tonight. ..lol nothing will happen it never does with him... but he does cheer me up, lol he stuck around longer than any other guy since the engy...


Lol. So how'd it go with Slow?



bandit.45 said:


> Well you all eat well too. You have better diets than Americans.


EVERYONE has better diets than Americans. :rofl:



moxy said:


> So I said, I wanted to think about it and he seemed offended and said "never mind".


Ah, the petulant child approach.



moxy said:


> Bandit, you say go for it; I want to. But, he literally left me hanging by not replying to my Qs over text. Wouldn't I look like a terrible fool if I just went over there now and he was mad that I didn't jump on it immediately and was weird about it? I desire him (so very much), but I don't want to be embarrassed or rejected.


If he can't even bother responding to your texts, he doesn't deserve to be in your vagina.

I mean, what is that? And yes, you would be the OW. He told you he was involved with her and then did a pvssy move of blanking you when you asked him other questions about.

I hope you didn't go over there. He sounds like a d0uchebag.


----------



## 06Daddio08

All this talk about lookalikes. A couple days ago I was walking past a group of co-workers when one pointed at me and said "he could be mistaken for a Viking". 

I'll take that as a compliment!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> All this talk about lookalikes. A couple days ago I was walking past a group of co-workers when one pointed at me and said "he could be mistaken for a Viking".
> 
> I'll take that as a compliment!


But you don't have any hair!! Don't Vikings have a bunch of hair and beards and stuff??  

(My only reference is the show "Vikings" at the moment)


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> As long as your vocabulary consists of "meh", "oh well" and "whatever" you're not feeling anything but indecision. Rofl.


Meh, oh well, whatever... I just don't really give a sh-t lol



Jellybeans said:


> Make sure you bring your little survey to see if she passes all your tests.


I can only do the tests on total strangers unfortunately 
Friends of friends are spared my evil strategem!  
Bah!

Anyway, was a nice dinner tonight but none caught my eye, mates reckon I'm too picky. Meh, oh well, whatever


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> But you don't have any hair!! Don't Vikings have a bunch of hair and beards and stuff??
> 
> (My only reference is the show "Vikings" at the moment)


I questioned that as well, they based it on my physical presence. I'm okay with that.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Meh, oh well, whatever... I just don't really give a sh-t lol
> 
> 
> 
> I can only do the tests on total strangers unfortunately
> Friends of friends are spared my evil strategem!
> Bah!
> 
> Anyway, was a nice dinner tonight but none caught my eye, mates reckon I'm too picky. Meh, oh well, whatever


I see what you did there.


----------



## RandomDude

What?

<--- My avatar IS Meh

Heh


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> All this talk about lookalikes. A couple days ago I was walking past a group of co-workers when one pointed at me and said "he could be mistaken for a Viking".
> 
> I'll take that as a compliment!


I can see it


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> What?
> 
> <--- My avatar IS Meh
> 
> Heh


If I drank every time you started a post with "Meh" I would be on that show Intervention with a drinking problem.


----------



## lisab0105

moxy said:


> UGH. Well, that's unflattering. I don't know.
> 
> I just went to sleep, instead. Today's a busy day, anyway. I wish I could sleep in a little longer.


Sorry, Moxy...I didn't mean to make you feel cruddy.


----------



## vi_bride04

Screw work!!! I want to play on this thread all day....

Ugh work has been kicking my ass lately. Glad Fridays are work from home days.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> Moxy, he's a player. He is backtracking because he thinks you're easy and he wants some on the side. I'm sure his girl doesn't know he is trying to screw his neighbor. Getting laid isn't worth her hurt feelings. Anyway, why would anyone want to screw someone that is getting it from someone else at the same time? Think about it, he f*cks her at 9am and by 5pm he's horny so he comes knocking at your door. Ew.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gee, who does this sound like??


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> Screw work!!! I want to play on this thread all day....
> 
> Ugh work has been kicking my ass lately. Glad Fridays are work from home days.


That still happens? Working from home?

I use multiple screens at work. I feel bound and restricted when I try to work from home.


----------



## caladan

3Xnocharm said:


> Gee, who does this sound like??


Polyamoury?

I tried it for a while. It was wildly freeing and empowering. I simply have neither the time nor the resources for that sort of thing.


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Gee, who does this sound like??


Exaaaactly! I thought of you immediately.


----------



## caladan

lisab0105 said:


> Exaaaactly! I thought of you immediately.


Umm.. does she have multiple partners? Not that there's anything to do with it of course.


----------



## lisab0105

I have a lunch date the advertisers of the tri-state talk radio show NJ 101.5 next week for the website. woot woot

Launch of May 1st, can't believe it is almost finished! 

Sorry, I work completely alone in a 400,000sq foot building...I have no one else share this with right now HAHA, so you guys are it!


----------



## lisab0105

caladan said:


> Umm.. does she have multiple partners? Not that there's anything to do with it of course.


No she doesn't. It relates to a _*past*_ (better still be past) experience of hers.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Gee, who does this sound like??


Have you heard from him at all?


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> I have a lunch date the advertisers of the tri-state talk radio show NJ 101.5 next week for the website. woot woot
> 
> Launch of May 1st, can't believe it is almost finished!
> 
> Sorry, I work completely alone in a 400,000sq foot building...I have no one else share this with right now HAHA, so you guys are it!


Congrats Lisa


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Have you heard from him at all?


His "girlfriend" has forbidden him to talk to me!  He isnt supposed to talk to P either, but he sent her a pic of himself last night! (he is out of town with the reserves) Trying to resist the urge to snitch on him.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Congrats Lisa


Thanks, AP!


----------



## bandit.45

Have fun hobnobbing with the big boys Lisa.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> His "girlfriend" has forbidden him to talk to me!  He isnt supposed to talk to P either, but he sent her a pic of himself last night! (he is out of town with the reserves) Trying to resist the urge to snitch on him.


What a ****!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> What a ****!


Right?? And she thinks that getting ME out of his life is going to make him faithful! :scratchhead: HA!!


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Right?? And she thinks that getting ME out of his life is going to make him faithful! :scratchhead: HA!!


Sigh 3X...why do you know so much? Weren't you suppose to walk away? Or do you not understand what no contact means? Everything gone, EVERYTHING! All ties cut. 

I say this with the utmost respect for our friendship but women like you are the reason why there is even men like that. Stop it or you are just supporting his behavior.


----------



## lisab0105

P probably told her he did that. 

I don't think she is talking to him, just one of the OW.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> His "girlfriend" has forbidden him to talk to me!  He isnt supposed to talk to P either, but he sent her a pic of himself last night! (he is out of town with the reserves) Trying to resist the urge to snitch on him.


That is a riot. But I wouldn't worry about him at all. Stop checking up on him, his girlfriend, etc. Delete him from your phone and life, girl!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lisab0105 said:


> P probably told her he did that.
> 
> I don't think she is talking to him, just one of the OW.


She and I were texting when she texted him, she forwarded me the pics, lol! 

And AP, I think I had posted a while back that more went down after P and I confronted him, he and I were talking, nothing more. But I will say that you are correct, sir.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> She and I were texting when she texted him, she forwarded me the pics, lol!


NoChem is a total dumba$$. Truly. If only he knew what comedy he serves as. :rofl: I will say that I do love how you and P both called him out on his sh*t and ganged up on him. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


----------



## Dollystanford

Sorry did someone kill AP and take over his body


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> Sorry did someone kill AP and take over his body


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> P probably told her he did that.
> 
> I don't think she is talking to him, just one of the OW.





Jellybeans said:


> That is a riot. But I wouldn't worry about him at all. Stop checking up on him, his girlfriend, etc. Delete him from your phone and life, girl!


:iagree: yes that.



3Xnocharm said:


> She and I were texting when she texted him, she forwarded me the pics, lol!
> 
> And AP, I think I had posted a while back that more went down after P and I confronted him, he and I were talking, nothing more. But I will say that you are correct, sir.


Stop wasting your thoughts and emotional energy on him. I had faith in you that you could do that when I agreed to you confronting the other woman. This is the drama everyone said that would happen if you contacted her. I still know that you can do it so don't prove me wrong


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> NoChem is a total dumba$$. Truly. If only he knew what comedy he serves as. :rofl: I will say that I do love how you and P both called him out on his sh*t and ganged up on him. HAHAHAHAHAHA.


I know, right?? He is such a freaking narcissist! He sent her pics after she exchanged two texts with him, for like, no reason, I mean who DOES that?? ...did he think she was DYING to see him?? He's so hot he just HAS to share himself! :rofl: I'm sure gf would be impressed that he shared the same pics he sent her with someone else! (I am assuming, because thats what he does...) What a dolt!


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> Sorry did someone kill AP and take over his body


lol what do you mean? Am I acting strange?


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I know, right?? He is such a freaking narcissist! He sent her pics after she exchanged two texts with him, for like, no reason, I mean who DOES that?? ...did he think she was DYING to see him?? He's so hot he just HAS to share himself! :rofl:t!


You know what would be funny? If both you and she took a selfie together and she texted it back to him the next time he reaches out to her. One where you are both sticking your middle finger up. 

Not that I'd recommend that but the idea is funny.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> You know what would be funny? If both you and she took a selfie together and she texted it back to him the next time he reaches out to her. One where you are both sticking your middle finger up.
> 
> Not that I'd recommend that but the idea is funny.


Do it!

Share the pics...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> You know what would be funny? If both you and she took a selfie together and she texted it back to him the next time he reaches out to her. One where you are both sticking your middle finger up.
> 
> Not that I'd recommend that but the idea is funny.


We DID send him a selfie of the two of us with a hot young guy that we met when we were out a bar!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> His "girlfriend" has forbidden him to talk to me!  He isnt supposed to talk to P either, but he sent her a pic of himself last night! (he is out of town with the reserves) *Trying to resist the urge to snitch on him.*


Stop the drama. Do not snitch.

Obviously his gf has trust issues with him if she is already "forbidding" him from talking to other girls. What have they been bf/gf less than a month? 

:rofl:

Sounds like quite the romance to me. 

He will be his own demise. Don't be vindictive. If he is a true narcissist he will never change his behavior and you just have to accept him for who he is. I know its hard to not take it personally but really, he is treating all the other girls the same way he treated you. 

It hurts more to be ignored for an N. Stirring the pot also inflates his ego so don't give him that satisfaction and don't get involved


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg LOL

What'd he respond with?


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Stop the drama. Do not snitch.
> 
> Obviously his gf has trust issues with him if she is already "forbidding" him from talking to other girls. What have they been bf/gf less than a month?
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> Sounds like quite the romance to me.
> 
> *He will be his own demise.*
> 
> It hurts more to be ignored for an N.


:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow, the timing on this popping up in my FB feed! 

Narcissism: When Loving Yourself Gets Out Of Control | YourTango


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Omg LOL
> 
> What'd he respond with?


He didnt respond to the text, but he fell all over himself within a day asking me to be his girlfriend.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> We DID send him a selfie of the two of us with a hot young guy that we met when we were out a bar!


Ugh you know what is going on through his head because of that? Now he wants to bed you both at the same time and he thinks you guys are in to it because you sent the pic of you together.....you are digging your own grave.
You are still playing HIS game!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Ugh you know what is going on through his head because of that? Now he wants to bed you both at the same time and he thinks you guys are in to it because you sent the pic of you together.....you are digging your own grave.
> You are still playing HIS game!


We did this the same night we confronted him a couple weeks ago, this wasnt recent.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> We did this the same night we confronted him a couple weeks ago, this wasnt recent.


Good. 
Don't talk to him don't talk about him don't think about him. No contact.
Did you give the hot young guy at the bar your number? Focus on him.


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Good.
> Don't talk to him don't talk about him don't think about him. No contact.
> Did you give the hot young guy at the bar your number? Focus on him.


Stop. It's enough.

Unless of course you have a personal agenda in all this..?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Did you give the hot young guy at the bar your number? Focus on him.


No, I didnt. Young is fun to look at and flirt with, but I dont care for it to go further. Thats just me. However, I am going out with a guy tonight, and meeting another one on Monday!  And P and I are going out tomorrow night to listen to a band.


----------



## Jellybeans

Wear your sexy underwear, 3x.


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> Stop. It's enough.
> 
> Unless of course you have a personal agenda in all this..?


 stick around bud, all of us have a story


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> stick around bud, all of us have a story


Heh. 

I know, it's like a family here (and guess who's the outsider ).


----------



## unsure78

where did everyone go?


----------



## Jellybeans

Present! ::raises hand::


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Present also! Went to lunch!


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> where did everyone go?


Too much drama today. I lost interest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Happy eff day mother effers


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Happy eff day mother effers


Gonna get laid tonight?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Gonna get laid tonight?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm...


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Too much drama today. I lost interest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

What you are referring to is even weirder than you think. I am not really buying it but find it very entertaining.


----------



## unsure78

Im drama free currently.....

and not getting laid either


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Hmm...


You? Gonna get some?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Im drama free currently.....
> 
> and not getting laid either


Welcome to my world, doll!


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Gonna get laid tonight?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Got laid when I woke up and yes I will get more tonight.

I fell asleep at midnight after 2 hours of romping, awoke at 4:30 AM and romped for 45 minutes, happy eff day mother effer.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Im drama free currently.....
> 
> and not getting laid either


Call Killer. Just do it. Who gives a **** about all the emotional, relationship crap? Use him. Get some.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Im drama free currently.....
> 
> and not getting laid either


I too and currently drama free, and... no comment


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Welcome to my world, doll!


Ive been in and out of it for the last year....


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> You? Gonna get some?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah! I see the gf every other weekend. This is that weekend.

And yourself?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Got laid when I woke up and yes I will get more tonight.
> 
> I fell asleep at midnight after 2 hours of romping, awoke at 4:30 AM and romped for 45 minutes, happy eff day mother effer.


Rock on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Call Killer. Just do it. Who gives a **** about all the emotional, relationship crap? *Use him. * Get some.


:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Call Killer. Just do it. Who gives a **** about all the emotional, relationship crap? Use him. Get some.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think hes back with his former porn star exgf.... so ummm no...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Im drama free currently.....
> 
> and not getting laid either


Drama -> spicy sex.


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> I think hes back with his former porn star exgf.... so ummm no...


So what? I'm sure you're hotter than her. Being the player he probably thinks he is he would be at your door on a heartbeat. Use a condom.... If you can find one that fits him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Drama -> spicy sex.


It sucks when you get the spicy, but not the sex though eh?


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Drama -> spicy sex.


lol its true... a little tension can make things spicy

im working on my slow burn again.. we have the tension but hes slow so nothing ever happens


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I think hes back with his former porn star exgf.... so ummm no...


But [email protected] sex -> spicy genitals.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Gonna get laid tonight?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How bout you stud? Gonna see your little hottie?


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> lol its true... a little tension can make things spicy
> 
> im working on my slow burn again.. we have the tension but hes slow so nothing ever happens


Heh! Pin him down and ravish him. It's empowering. I like empowered women.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> But [email protected] sex -> spicy genitals.


yikes


----------



## caladan

We should all try ethical non-monogamy. More sex and less drama.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> So what? I'm sure you're hotter than her. Being the player he probably thinks he is he would be at your door on a heartbeat. Use a condom.... If you can find one that fits him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


shes pretty hot bandito...... im a pretty sexy girl and all but she is one that just oozes sex, men will do anything for her... oh and she bad girl, killer likes the bad girls and well at heart im just not... i have a few naughty sides but im not a bad girl


----------



## muskrat

I have an off topic question, I hope you all don't mind me disrupting the flow of the thread.
I am going to a potluck kind of thing tonight. The theme is anything chicken. Does anyone have any creative ideas on what I should take?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> How bout you stud? Gonna see your little hottie?


Yeah. Tonight. Man I need to get laid after the monotonous week I've had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Look at this crazy sh!t. It's a woman, can you see her?


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> Heh! Pin him down and ravish him. It's empowering. I like empowered women.


Unfortunately this one doesn't work like that....


----------



## Disenchanted

muskrat said:


> I have an off topic question, I hope you all don't mind me disrupting the flow of the thread.
> I am going to a potluck kind of thing tonight. The theme is anything chicken. Does anyone have any creative ideas on what I should take?


hamburgers


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> shes pretty hot bandito...... im a pretty sexy girl and all but she is one that just oozes sex, men will do anything for her... oh and she bad girl, killer likes the bad girls and well at heart im just not... i have a few naughty sides but im not a bad girl



You're badder than most of the women I've been involved with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> hamburgers


Ha ha! Yeah! BEEF!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

hahahahahahaha............. OMG we are all talking about getting laid and muskrat brings up pot luck chicken thats my dear rat made me laugh soooo hard


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> shes pretty hot bandito...... im a pretty sexy girl and all but she is one that just oozes sex, men will do anything for her... oh and she bad girl, killer likes the bad girls and well at heart im just not... i have a few naughty sides but im not a bad girl


Everyone likes the bad girls. I think.
I know I'm attracted to the lady outdoors, and the nympho between the sheets.

And for some reason, many people think I'm a bad boy. No idea why. Maybe it's the piercings. And the hair.


----------



## Disenchanted

Here's a clue about the woman in the above photo


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> You're badder than most of the women I've been involved with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How am I bad Banditio? 

Im a dork at heart, just a very hot one....


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> I have an off topic question, I hope you all don't mind me disrupting the flow of the thread.
> I am going to a potluck kind of thing tonight. The theme is anything chicken. Does anyone have any creative ideas on what I should take?


I guess you aren't getting laid tonight then?


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> hahahahahahaha............. OMG we are all talking about getting laid and muskrat brings up pot luck chicken thats my dear rat made me laugh soooo hard


I'm in my own world, sorry. 
Besides I haven't gotten laid in a very lonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time. 

I am actually proud of myself for going. This will be my second time attending. I am the only single in the crowd, everyone else will be with their spouse. Maybe I'll get lucky and one day have a date to take along.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> I guess you aren't getting laid tonight then?


Best way to get a woman in the sack is to lure her in with casserole huh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> How am I bad Banditio?
> 
> Im a dork at heart, just a very hot one....


Beautiful IS bad sweetie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I have an off topic question, I hope you all don't mind me disrupting the flow of the thread.
> I am going to a potluck kind of thing tonight. The theme is anything chicken. Does anyone have any creative ideas on what I should take?


You could do a baked chicken. Chicken pasta. Chicken burgers. Chicken shish kabobs. Chickan salad tea sandwiches. 

Oh and LOL at "disrupting" the thread---it's YOUR thread. You can do whatever you want! 

So is it a meet and greet type thing? What kind of potluck/what's the occasion?



unsure78 said:


> Im a dork at heart, just a very hot one....


If you are a dork, you are the hottest one that ever lived. 

:smthumbup:

Oh and if Killer is dealing with his ex--don't go there. Maybe invite the slow burn over again and try to get something started. Better to not add third and fourth and fifth parties.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Beautiful IS bad sweetie.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How is beautiful bad?


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Best way to get a woman in the sack is to lure her in with casserole huh?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It works for me. I'm a foodie. 

I have to say - most of my exes have been some awesome cooks.


----------



## muskrat

An ex from high school did text me last night and offer to stop over on her way home from work for a little stress relief. Even though it has been a long time, that is just not my sort of thing.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> We should all try ethical non-monogamy. More sex and less drama.


I'm liking the monogamous debauchery angle, a little sex a little drama, and the quality is exceeding the quantity which I don't mind a bit.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm in my own world, sorry.
> Besides I haven't gotten laid in a very lonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time.
> 
> I am actually proud of myself for going. This will be my second time attending. I am the only single in the crowd, everyone else will be with their spouse. Maybe I'll get lucky and one day have a date to take along.


As long as you cook the chicken well and dump enough cheese in it people won't care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Chicken fried steak


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> How am I bad Banditio?
> 
> Im a dork at heart, just a very hot one....


2014 honey. Big bang theory is one of the top TV shows. Dorks rule. Well, geeks do. I mean, even I am doing alright.


----------



## Disenchanted

peeps!


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> An ex from high school did text me last night and offer to stop over on her way home from work for a little stress relief. Even though it has been a long time, that is just not my sort of thing.


Wait. So is the ex having the potluck?

Is that where you're going? Maybe a little making out won't hurt, Muskrat.You're due.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Unfortunately this one doesn't work like that....


Please elaborate in great detail, and with photos or illustrations, exactly what you have tried and experimented with, so that we may analyze and offer our advice on other moves and tactics that may yield more successful coitus and pleasure inducing sensations.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> You could do a baked chicken. Chicken pasta. Chicken burgers. Chicken shish kabobs. Chickan salad tea sandwiches.
> 
> Oh and LOL at "disrupting" the thread---it's YOUR thread. You can do whatever you want!
> 
> So is it a meet and greet type thing? What kind of potluck/what's the occasion?


It is "we are family" night at my church. It is all couples and kids. They have been bugging me to come for months and I finally broke down and went. Tonight after we eat we are going to play kick ball. lol

Maybe I'll just take the easy way out and bake some brownies for desert.:scratchhead:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> hamburgers


Or better yet, chicken burgers.


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> 2014 honey. Big bang theory is one of the top TV shows. Dorks rule. Well, geeks do. I mean, even I am doing alright.


Boys still like bad girls... 

Correct me if im wrong boys, but bad girls are fun....


----------



## Disenchanted

Cadbury cream eggs


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Boys still like bad girls...
> 
> Correct me if im wrong boys, but bad girls are fun....


BHs don't.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> Or better yet, chicken burgers.


hamburgers = alpha 

chicken burger = going with the flow (beta)

lol


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Wait. So is the ex having the potluck?
> 
> Is that where you're going? Maybe a little making out won't hurt, Muskrat.You're due.


She works until 11. I'll be back from my dinner by then.
I am afraid to let her in. She took it really hard when I broke up with her 20 years ago and everytime I do talk to her she talks about how she still loves me and we should be together. I know I was her first and all, but dang she needs to move on. I fear if I give her a little Muskrat lovin she'll never leave.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> How is beautiful bad?


Bad for the geeky, unhundsome guys who fall for her knowing full well they would never have a shot at even crossing her threshold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Cadbury cream eggs


:rofl:



Lon said:


> Or better yet, chicken burgers.


I said that!



Lon said:


> Please elaborate in great detail, and with photos or illustrations, exactly what you have tried and experimented with, so that we may analyze and offer our advice on other moves and tactics that may yield more successful coitus and pleasure inducing sensations.


Haha. I see what you are doing there. 



muskrat said:


> It is "we are family" night at my church. It is all couples and kids. They have been bugging me to come for months and I finally broke down and went.


Wait so are you the only childless and uncoupled one going?

And brownies are always a good option, too.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I have an off topic question, I hope you all don't mind me disrupting the flow of the thread.
> I am going to a potluck kind of thing tonight. The theme is anything chicken. Does anyone have any creative ideas on what I should take?


Buffalo chicken dip.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> hamburgers = alpha
> 
> chicken burger = going with the flow (beta)
> 
> lol


I thought it was just actually way too obvious to take chicken burgers. Either everyone shows up with the same or none at all

Like wearing a toga to a toga party. They asked for chicken, so let there be ridiculous amounts of it.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> She works until 11. I'll be back from my dinner by then.
> I am afraid to let her in. She took it really hard when I broke up with her 20 years ago and everytime I do talk to her she talks about how she still loves me and we should be together. I know I was her first and all, but dang she needs to move on. I fear if I give her a little Muskrat lovin she'll never leave.


Play Misty For Me. That's scary. Grab your rifle and head to the woods.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Please elaborate in great detail, and with photos or illustrations, exactly what you have tried and experimented with, so that we may analyze and offer our advice on other moves and tactics that may yield more successful coitus and pleasure inducing sensations.


lol Lon I already told this to Jelly in PM earlier but I was straddled on his lap last night... with my very nice rack in his face.... for a while...

pretty much nothing happened.. well a little.. but pretty much nothing.... 

its slow... par for the course... i got what i needed from him last night some cuddles and laughs


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> She works until 11. I'll be back from my dinner by then.
> I am afraid to let her in. She took it really hard when I broke up with her 20 years ago and everytime I do talk to her she talks about how she still loves me and we should be together. I know I was her first and all, but dang she needs to move on. I fear if I give her a little Muskrat lovin she'll never leave.


Stage 5, In the clinging category.


----------



## muskrat

Yes, I am the only childless, single going. 
It's Friday night and I'm going to a church social. My social life is very dull at the moment.


----------



## unsure78

bandit.45 said:


> Bad for the geeky, unhundsome guys who fall for her knowing full well they would never have a shot at even crossing her threshold.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ok thats true... i do have my stalkers as you all know....


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> lol Lon I already told this to Jelly in PM earlier but I was straddled on his lap last night... with my very nice rack in his face.... for a while...
> 
> pretty much nothing happened.. well a little.. but pretty much nothing....
> 
> its slow... par for the course... i got what i needed from him last night some cuddles and laughs


I thought we were talking about your ex, whatever* HER *name is.


----------



## Disenchanted

muskrat said:


> Yes, I am the only childless, single going.
> It's Friday night and I'm going to a church social. My social life is very dull at the moment.


Dude seriously, bring desert, peeps and cream eggs. You'll be a hit.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Stage 5, In the clinging category.


yea Lon is right run from her Rat


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> ok thats true... i do have my stalkers as you all know....


So what kind of panties are you wearing right now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> lol Lon I already told this to Jelly in PM earlier but I was straddled on his lap last night... with my very nice rack in his face.... for a while...
> 
> pretty much nothing happened.. well a little.. but pretty much nothing....
> 
> its slow... par for the course... i got what i needed from him last night some cuddles and laughs


Did you tweak or suck on his nipples? When all else fails that trick usually works on me.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Bad for the geeky, unhundsome guys who fall for her knowing full well they would never have a shot at even crossing her threshold.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is unsure on film:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLSpj7q6_mM


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Yes, I am the only childless, single going.
> It's Friday night and I'm going to a church social. My social life is very dull at the moment.


Pffff.....bwa hahahaha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> Boys still like bad girls...
> 
> Correct me if im wrong boys, but bad girls are fun....


Honestly, I like a mix. I can't survive a relationship without a good amount of intellectual conversation. And I also need the freak under the sheets.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I thought we were talking about your ex, whatever* HER *name is.


No slow is not my ex... I went on one official date with him...but he would never actually date me.. we text on and off and we occasionally hang out... he is a friend but not friend zoned...

he was quite hotly debated in this thread for a while on wtf is wrong with him....

(he is in my album if you want to look)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I fear if I give her a little Muskrat lovin she'll never leave.


:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Here is unsure on film:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLSpj7q6_mM


hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im pretty sure god would call it a sin not to glorify that hot a$$


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Boys still like bad girls...
> 
> Correct me if im wrong boys, but bad girls are fun....


After being married to a good girl gone bad and surviving the hell she put me through. I'll take a nice sweet good girl any day over a bad girl.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> No slow is not my ex... I went on one official date with him...but he would never actually date me.. we text on and off and we occasionally hang out... he is a friend but not friend zoned...
> 
> he was quite hotly debated in this thread for a while on wtf is wrong with him....
> 
> (he is in my album if you want to look)


I got all confused, the thread is moving so fast.

I know about slow and saw his picks long ago. My bad.

In fact you once said I looked kinda like slow.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> hamburgers = alpha
> 
> chicken burger = going with the flow (beta)
> 
> lol


So true. Beef is the tastiest thing I've ever, EVER eaten.

Edit: Apart from bacon of course.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I got all confused, the thread is moving so fast.
> 
> I know about slow and saw his picks long ago. My bad.
> 
> In fact you once said I looked kinda like slow.


Yea you do a little...


----------



## muskrat

Supposedly I cook the best steaks in this town. Maybe I'll just have to take a bunch of beef. lol


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> lol Lon I already told this to Jelly in PM earlier but I was straddled on his lap last night... with my very nice rack in his face.... for a while...
> 
> pretty much nothing happened.. well a little.. but pretty much nothing....
> 
> its slow... par for the course... i got what i needed from him last night some cuddles and laughs


Maybe you didn't do it well. There's an art to it see. 


I could show you...


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I fear if I give her a little Muskrat lovin she'll never leave.


Haha. That is what I've always said about Social Media Guy. If I would have slept with him, I know with certainty he would have gone full crazy. 

I say just see her and say hi. You've known eachother 20 yrs right? If she was full bunny boiler she would have already tried some whack sh*t by now. Sounds like she just really likes/loves you. 



muskrat said:


> Yes, I am the only childless, single going.


Haha. We have more in common than I thought!


----------



## Jellybeans

I wanna know what Slow looks like!


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> So true. Beef is the tastiest thing I've ever, EVER eaten.
> 
> Edit: Apart from bacon of course.


I like to put bacon on my steak, lol

not kidding either


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I wanna know what Slow looks like!


go look in my album your one of my friends.. you have seen him before... they are all labeled

the only one not in there is the Engy ( he broke my heart and all i never want to see a pic of him again)


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I wanna know what Slow looks like!


you know what I look like right?


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> go look in my album your one of my friends.. you have seen him before... they are all labeled
> 
> the only one not in there is the Engy ( he broke my heart and all i never want to see a pic of him again)


Ah I see. I hadn't noticed him before. And... you're hotter than all those guys.

Albino stalker totally makes me laugh each time I see a pic of him. 

He is prob the one I find most intriguing, too.

Something is wrong with me. :rofl: 




Disenchanted said:


> you know what I look like right?


I don't actually.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> So true. Beef is the tastiest thing I've ever, EVER eaten.
> 
> Edit: Apart from bacon of course.


You've never tried elk. Once you go rack you never go back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> After being married to a good girl gone bad and surviving the hell she put me through. I'll take a nice sweet good girl any day over a bad girl.


Your wife was never good. You only thought she was. 

She's headed for a hell of her own making. Wait and see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> After being married to a good girl gone bad and surviving the hell she put me through. I'll take a nice sweet good girl any day over a bad girl.


I couldn't handle an all through, clean, straight backed, good girl. I need a bit of filth, some fire to stir my loins. But I know where you're coming from. There must be some sort of middle ground, surely.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Ah I see. I hadn't noticed him before. And... you're hotter than all those guys.
> 
> Albino stalker totally makes me laugh each time I see a pic of him.
> 
> He is prob the one I find most intriguing, too.
> 
> Something is wrong with me. :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't actually.




Its not all about the looks though.. i need a base attraction the rest i can work with.... one that makes me laugh, that wins me over more than anything else...

actually SA was very attractive in person..he didn't pic well


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I don't actually.


Funny, it dawns on me that I have no idea what you look like either.

But for some reason or another I know you are smoking hawt.

Weird.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Its not all about the looks though.. i need a base attraction the rest i can work with.... one that makes me laugh, that wins me over more than anything else...


Oh I know. Looks aren't everything, dear. But I was just stating the obvious. You are a hot mama. Those guys are all idiots with maybe the exception of Slow who may have hang ups but seems to be harmless. 



Disenchanted said:


> Funny, it dawns on me that I have no idea what you look like either.
> 
> But for some reason or another I know you are smoking hawt.
> 
> Weird.


Haha. And that just earned you some more cool points!


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Funny, it dawns on me that I have no idea what you look like either.
> 
> But for some reason or another I know you are smoking hawt.
> 
> Weird.


It prob cause Ive said she is a lot of times... if i ever switch teams she my lovar...


----------



## vi_bride04

How I feel about the thread today


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I know. Looks aren't everything, dear. But I was just stating the obvious. You are a hot mama. Those guys are all idiots with maybe the exception of Slow who may have hang ups but seems to be harmless.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha. And that just earned you some more cool points!


Well I've permanently deleted my FB so I don't have any pics online to show you, but there are a gaggle of TAM ladies with screen dumps of me.

You could ask one if you are friends with any of them, lol.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/social-spot/124074-new-avatar-contest-14.html#post4632841


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> It prob cause Ive said she is a lot of times... if i ever switch teams she my lovar...


pics?

lol, oh it hasn't even happened yet


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> It prob cause Ive said she is a lot of times... if i ever switch teams she my lovar...


Aw, thanks. Unsure. You know you are my only. 



vi_bride04 said:


> How I feel about the thread today


Haha. What is so confusing to you, Vi?

Dis--I'm not much of a FB'er anyway. I guess I'll just keep imaging you as the snowboarder in your avie.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Those guys are all idiots with maybe the exception of Slow who may have hang ups but seems to be harmless.


Slow is harmless... either way he is my friend at this point... I really dont have any expectations of him and enjoy the banter...lol and he outlasted all the other guys..


----------



## Disenchanted

jellybeans said:


> Dis--i'm not much of a fb'er anyway. I guess i'll just keep imaging you as the snowboarder in your avie.


massive point loss for you.

*i ski*


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> How I feel about the thread today


Weird - I feel almost in control today. It's friday, work's a bit slow, and I'm not falling 5 pages behind the conversation. Not yet at least.


----------



## vi_bride04

It just moves so fast. I read, come back in an hour and there are 5 more pages....the conversation was left at drama and now I just read something about a female lover and then there was some beef talk thrown in there. LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> massive point loss for you.
> 
> *i ski*


Doh! 



vi_bride04 said:


> I just read something about a female lover and then there was some beef talk thrown in there. LOL


:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Supposedly I cook the best steaks in this town. Maybe I'll just have to take a bunch of beef. lol












Any excuse to post a pic of Sam! :FIREdevil:

Dear lawd baby jesus.....


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> It just moves so fast. I read, come back in an hour and there are 5 more pages....the conversation was left at drama and now I just read something about a female lover and then there was some beef talk thrown in there. LOL


I blame Muskie for the beef talk. 

Beef is quite delicious though. We spoke about getting laid, ethical non-monogamy, ladies on here hooking up in the near future, as well as swapping pics. Pretty much the usual friday conversation.


----------



## unsure78

I want a hot beef injection...hehehhehehehe


----------



## vi_bride04

....aaaaand back to the sex


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> It just moves so fast. I read, come back in an hour and there are 5 more pages....the conversation was left at drama and now I just read something about a female lover and then there was some beef talk thrown in there. LOL


I subscribe to this From yesterday to today the conversation is in another "world" 
Yesterday we covered past lovers, possible future ones and Hollywood stars What is in stars for today?

By the way, did anybody slept?


----------



## caladan

I look just like this. Just a bit darker and longer hair, amongst a few minor modifications.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> ....aaaaand back to the sex


always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> I subscribe to this From yesterday to today the conversation is in another "world"
> Yesterday we covered past lovers, possible future ones and Hollywood stars What is in stars for today?
> 
> By the way, did anybody slept?


Hello there.


----------



## vi_bride04

caladan said:


> I look just like this. Just a bit darker and longer hair, amongst a few minor modifications.


Ron Swanson is sexy just with how much of a man's man he is

:smthumbup:


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> Ron Swanson is sexy just with how much of a man's man he is
> 
> :smthumbup:


As a consistent person I stick to my taste Keanu without too much facial hair
But this is a cool picture of RS Although I will lose the moustache and shorten the hair


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Hello there.


Well thank you kind sir for welcoming me As I am a newbie


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Well thank you kind sir for welcoming me As I am a newbie


Heh, welcome. 

May I advise you (from bitter experience) to stay far away from controversial posts until people get to know you well. Stick with sex and good looking men for now. Cooking/Beef/getting laid tonight are also conversations that keep you on solid ground...


----------



## Another Planet

Christ I'm gone for a couple hours and there's 10 pages 0_o


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> lol Lon I already told this to Jelly in PM earlier but I was straddled on his lap last night... with my very nice rack in his face.... for a while...
> 
> pretty much nothing happened.. well a little.. but pretty much nothing....
> 
> its slow... par for the course... i got what i needed from him last night some cuddles and laughs


What the hell is wrong with this dude?!? :scratchhead:


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Heh, welcome.
> 
> May I advise you (from bitter experience) to stay far away from controversial posts until people get to know you well. Stick with sex and good looking men for now. Cooking/Beef/getting laid tonight are also conversations that keep you on solid ground...


Thanks. I already did everything I should not do Fortunately people were nice to me. 
Let's see:
Cooking - I have some amazing recipes I invented myself 
Beef - LOL I don't have any "beef" with anybody 
Getting laid tonight?? - I do not have the energy 

What else? ...


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Christ I'm gone for a couple hours and there's 10 pages 0_o


Isn't it? I felt so out of context I was wondering if anybody slept


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Isn't it? I felt so out of context I was wondering if anybody slept


You're in europe aren't you? Most of us here are in US timezone. Still relatively early in the day - late afternoon. Or early.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Christ I'm gone for a couple hours and there's 10 pages 0_o


Trying to make it to 1000 baby...............


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> Trying to make it to 1000 baby...............


Yes we can!


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> I look just like this. Just a bit darker and longer hair, amongst a few minor modifications.


I guess the ladies here on TAM said I look like this guy


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> You're in europe aren't you? Most of us here are in US timezone. Still relatively early in the day - late afternoon. Or early.


Yes I am in Europe Or EU as we are under "one single big mind" 
They will soon rename the continent

Maybe they will call it Merker or Zapatero who knows


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> Heh, welcome.
> 
> May I advise you (from bitter experience) to stay far away from controversial posts until people get to know you well. Stick with sex and good looking men for now. Cooking/Beef/getting laid tonight are also conversations that keep you on solid ground...


It's called building up your street cred.


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> I guess the ladies here on TAM said I look like this guy


Hmmm I don't remember it like this but I guess my blond hair does not help I asked how about him? He is cute with his bad boy look and somebody , you or bandit said "I kind of look like him"


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I guess the ladies here on TAM said I look like this guy


Ok... But who is THAT guy?


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> It's called building up your street cred.


Aha so I should get my CV updated with some recommendation from senior "executive" TAM members?


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Yes I am in Europe Or EU as we are under "one single big mind"
> They will soon rename the continent
> 
> Maybe they will call it Merker or Zapatero who knows


I miss the old country sometimes. I moved here from the UK. The ladies here (in the US) are nice, but the country is a bit big. None of that causal cross-national romantic interests here.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I miss the old country sometimes. I moved here from the UK. The ladies here (in the US) are nice, but the country is a bit big. None of that causal cross-national romantic interests here.


Depends on the state At least what I saw when I was in US And UK , really, do you miss the rain?


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> It's called building up your street cred.


Heh. It's a matriarchal set up here. Wait until you build up enough "likes". We don't attack our own, most of the time.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> Aha so I should get my CV updated with some recommendation from senior "executive" TAM members?


No, just do like caladan suggested, make dirty jokes and talk about bacon and other forms of cooked animal flesh


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> WAs I am a newbie


Hi! Welcome! Nice to have you!


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Depends on the state At least what I saw when I was in US And UK , really, do you miss the rain?


I live in NJ, the rain is only a bit less. Heh.

But the roads are bigger, the grass is a little greener, and the trains don't run at all, so one must drive. But my accent opens doors I never realized were locked. I got a bargain.

I'm rather perplexed though - the winters are colder, and the summers are hotter.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> Heh. It's a matriarchal set up here. Wait until you build up enough "likes". We don't attack our own, most of the time.


Isn't that how all social settings work?


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Heh. It's a matriarchal set up here. Wait until you build up enough "likes". We don't attack our own, most of the time.


Really? Do you think putting up some photos in bathing suit can bring me enough likes?


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Hmmm I don't remember it like this but I guess my blond hair does not help I asked how about him? He is cute with his bad boy look and somebody , you or bandit said "I kind of look like him"


?huh lol



Lon said:


> Ok... But who is THAT guy?


Jimmie Johnson, a Nascar driver. I can't remember who said it...hmmm I feel we are missing someone?


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Really? Do you think putting up some photos in bathing suit can bring me enough likes?


Hmm. That's a fantastic scientific experiment, I like how your mind works. I assume you'll be supplying the pics while I provide the underlying data analysis then?

Go on Edygal, post them.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I live in NJ, the rain is only a bit less. Heh.
> 
> But the roads are bigger, the grass is a little greener, and the trains don't run at all, so one must drive. But my accent opens doors I never realized were locked. I got a bargain.
> 
> I'm rather perplexed though - the winters are colder, and the summers are hotter.


England is green, with the exception of the cities is one big green country It is true I do not remember seeing maple trees in UK...but those are kind of red


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Isn't that how all social settings work?


Have you been to the political forum? It's a somewhat different dynamic there.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> Really? Do you think putting up some photos in bathing suit can bring me enough likes?


It will garner some (many) clicks on the like button by guys who have no other way to control their lustful thoughts. But that is entirely different from street cred.


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> Heh, welcome.
> 
> May I advise you (from bitter experience) to stay far away from controversial posts until people get to know you well. Stick with sex and good looking men for now. Cooking/Beef/getting laid tonight are also conversations that keep you on solid ground...


LOL Don't worry you will grow thick skin


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> I live in NJ, the rain is only a bit less. Heh.
> 
> But the roads are bigger, the grass is a little greener, and the trains don't run at all, so one must drive. But my accent opens doors I never realized were locked. I got a bargain.
> 
> I'm rather perplexed though - the winters are colder, and the summers are hotter.


No Orinoco flow keeping the climate moderated like you are used to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> Heh. It's a matriarchal set up here. Wait until you build up enough "likes". We don't attack our own, most of the time.


HAHAHaha talking like you own this thread...ahahahahhaha love it


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> England is green, with the exception of the cities is one big green country It is true I do not remember seeing maple trees in UK...but those are kind of red


I grew up further north. It was mostly grey and damp back then. We learnt how to throw instant 30 minute parties. I remember once in primary school - the sun came out and everyone ran outside. Even the teachers. Heh.


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Really? Do you think putting up some photos in bathing suit can bring me enough likes?


You can put photos in your album on your profile and set it to private so only your friends can see them. That is how the majority of us here have photos up that we can all see...you just have to be friends with them.


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> It will garner some (many) clicks on the like button by guys who have no other way to control their lustful thoughts. But that is entirely different from street cred.


Why would you do a thing like this? Did someone hurt you while growing up?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> Have you been to the political forum? It's a somewhat different dynamic there.


Just the name of that section is a turn off.. but are there pics of side boob there? Maybe I cab be enticed


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> You can put photos in your album on your profile and set it to private so only your friends can see them. That is how the majority of us here have photos up that we can all see...you just have to be friends with them.


Et tu AP?

_dies_


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> ?huh lol
> 
> 
> 
> Jimmie Johnson, a Nascar driver. I can't remember who said it...hmmm I feel we are missing someone?


I thought it was a photo of Colin Farrell, I swear I'm telling you I'm blonde I think is affecting my sense of sight 
As I am the last breed that never watches car races go figure  
Sorry AP


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Just the name of the thread is a turn off.. but are there pics of side boob there? Maybe I cab be enticed


Umm... are we allowed to discuss interesting parts of the female anatomy?


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> You can put photos in your album on your profile and set it to private so only your friends can see them. That is how the majority of us here have photos up that we can all see...you just have to be friends with them.


Right so as you are in my friends list... Are you?


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> HAHAHaha talking like you own this thread...ahahahahhaha love it


LOL I know right! The majority of us have been on this thread for well over 6 months. It's not actually that old of a thread. I think I first posted on this particular thread in like November maybe :scratchhead:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> Why would you do a thing like this? Did someone hurt you while growing up?


Whatchoo taking bout Willis?


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> Umm... are we allowed to discuss interesting parts of the female anatomy?


Yes....


we frequently talk here about both mine and VI sweet racks...

and penis size...that too


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Yes....
> 
> 
> we frequently talk here about both mine and VI sweet racks...
> 
> and penis size...that too


Yes, must not forget about penis size!


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Right so as you are in my friends list... Are you?


Yes you accepted my friend request


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> LOL I know right! The majority of us have been on this thread for well over 6 months. It's not actually that old of a thread. I think I first posted on this particular thread in like November maybe :scratchhead:


Actually I think its almost a year old... and a bunch of us had other threads that were the same amount of fun before this one..we just migrated over here


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Yes, must not forget about penis size!


Sure, go ahead. Not quite my cup of tea though.

Do you also discuss the intricacies thereof? Girth, appearance, headgear?


----------



## Lon

I'm still doubtful killer "actually" had a niner, probably more like 7 and three quarters but with his physique it probably all just looked like so much more.


----------



## unsure78

lol i just went and looked 5/23/13 by Muskrat... im a dork and was the second post...cause i love me some Rat!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Actually I think its almost a year old... and a bunch of us had other threads that were the same amount of fun before this one..we just migrated over here


Oh yeah first post was from Muskrat was in May last year.

JINX


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Why would you do a thing like this? Did someone hurt you while growing up?


Speaking to me or Lon? 
Me - I was doing the hurting :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I'm still doubtful killer "actually" had a niner, probably more like 7 and three quarters but with his physique it probably all just looked like so much more.


Lon.. no really, he had a niner.... really...


it wasnt just how it looked...


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> I'm still doubtful killer "actually" had a niner, probably more like 7 and three quarters but with his physique it probably all just looked like so much more.


:lol:


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> Lon.. no really, he had a niner.... really...


There you go then


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## unsure78

unsure78 said:


> Lon.. no really, he had a niner.... really...
> 
> 
> it wasnt just how it looked...


Lon if you would like me to PM you the details of another man penis I totally will ...hahHhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


>


now thats Yummy right there....ya


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> Lon if you would like me to PM you the details of another man penis I totally will ...hahHhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah


From a totally scientific perspective, did he have a ruler beside his... member in his pic? Was it at rest or... not at rest?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Lon.. no really, he had a niner.... really...
> 
> 
> it wasnt just how it looked...


My entire forearm, from the inside of my elbow to the start of my wrist is 8-3/4.


----------



## edgya1234

Guys please do not let my presence inconvenience you;
God forbid I get between you and your "bestie"


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> now thats Yummy right there....ya


Wow, talking about women and pain they endure for beauty... those tattoos must of hurt ...


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> My entire forearm, from the inside of my elbow to the start of my wrist is 8-3/4.


Ah, you have short forearms then? Mine's almost 10", and I'm not tall. Hell, I wasn't even tall in the UK, which is a country with a lower average height.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Wow, talking about women and pain they endure for beauty... those tattoos must of hurt ...


Do you have any tattoos? How much do they actually hurt - everyone talks about the pain.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Lon if you would like me to PM you the details of another man penis I totally will ...hahHhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah


When you put it that way... Ok. I don't really care about some dudes's c0cksicle, but I'm more interested to see just how accurate you, and people in general, are at estimating the size of objects.


----------



## moxy

I have many pages to catch up on! See what happens when you spend all day in meetings?

I'm flattered and pleased that my neighbor wants to hook up again, but it bothers me that he would want to do so when he has a girlfriend; of course, I understand that if he isn't seeing someone else exclusively, this isn't such a big deal. What really bothers me is that he has chosen to shut down entirely when I say "hang on a moment, let's discuss this first". Did he really think I'd immediately say yes without any questions? I know that the statement around here is generally, "if it's not a hell yes, then it's a hell no", but...isn't there a space for a "yes, but later"? 

Why am I bothered by this? I feel like I am over complicating things. I want sex; he's offering: isn't that a clear yes? Should it be?


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Do you have any tattoos? How much do they actually hurt - everyone talks about the pain.


Me tattoos? Yes maybe in the summer with henna I am afraid of needles So here you go: no piercing, no tats 
But hey I know they hurt, my brother has one on his back.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Me tattoos? Yes maybe in the summer with henna I am afraid of needles So here you go: no piercing, no tats
> But hey I know they hurt, my brother has one on his back.


Yeah - I've got some piercings. If that's how much they hurt, then it's no biggie for me.


----------



## edgya1234

moxy said:


> I have many pages to catch up on! See what happens when you spend all day in meetings?
> 
> I'm flattered and pleased that my neighbor wants to hook up again, but it bothers me that he would want to do so when he has a girlfriend; of course, I understand that if he isn't seeing someone else exclusively, this isn't such a big deal. What really bothers me is that he has chosen to shut down entirely when I say "hang on a moment, let's discuss this first". Did he really think I'd immediately say yes without any questions? I know that the statement around here is generally, "if it's not a hell yes, then it's a hell no", but...isn't there a space for a "yes, but later"?
> 
> Why am I bothered by this? I feel like I am over complicating things. I want sex; he's offering: isn't that a clear yes? Should it be?


Of course you should be bothered You are a lady He has to "work" in order to get some
Honney my advice drag him along, sorry gentlemen He will come around Flirt mercilessly until he sees nobody but you, even in his sleep


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Yeah - I've got some piercings. If that's how much they hurt, then it's no biggie for me.


Piercing does not hurt. Tattoos do hurt, depending on the spot - back do hurts, ankles, arms not really.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> Ah, you have short forearms then? Mine's almost 10", and I'm not tall. Hell, I wasn't even tall in the UK, which is a country with a lower average height.


Maybe. I'm 5'-8 1/2" size 8.5 shoe. The measurement I took probably varies greatly depending on the angle of the wrist.


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


>


Dolly, I have no idea who that guy is, but he's incredibly hot.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Why am I bothered by this? I feel like I am over complicating things. I want sex; he's offering: isn't that a clear yes? Should it be?


Read and learn:

If it's not a 

http://markmanson.net/****-yes

I say NO to the neighbor. Not only is he dealing with someone else but he can't even bother to respond to you.

Why would you want to share your vagina with him? He can't even send a proper text and he wants inside your panties? No.

Plus, it's your neighbor. So it will be awkward when you have to see him and the girlfriend he's involved with again and again and again.


----------



## Jellybeans

DAMN, Dolly. Is that your hat?!


----------



## edgya1234

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=22193&stc=1&d=1398455511

What about him? Ladies?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Why am I bothered by this? I feel like I am over complicating things. I want sex; he's offering: isn't that a clear yes? Should it be?


Because you dont want to be some dude's OTHER WOMAN.  Simple.


----------



## lisab0105

moxy said:


> I have many pages to catch up on! See what happens when you spend all day in meetings?
> 
> I'm flattered and pleased that my neighbor wants to hook up again, but it bothers me that he would want to do so when he has a girlfriend; of course, I understand that if he isn't seeing someone else exclusively, this isn't such a big deal. What really bothers me is that he has chosen to shut down entirely when I say "hang on a moment, let's discuss this first". Did he really think I'd immediately say yes without any questions? I know that the statement around here is generally, "if it's not a hell yes, then it's a hell no", but...isn't there a space for a "yes, but later"?
> 
> Why am I bothered by this? I feel like I am over complicating things. I want sex; he's offering: isn't that a clear yes? Should it be?


No, because you shouldn't believe him when he says "it's not serious". I'm sure he is telling his girlfriend something very different.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yep!


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> My entire forearm, from the inside of my elbow to the start of my wrist is 8-3/4.





caladan said:


> Ah, you have short forearms then? Mine's almost 10", and I'm not tall. Hell, I wasn't even tall in the UK, which is a country with a lower average height.





Lon said:


> Maybe. I'm 5'-8 1/2" size 8.5 shoe. The measurement I took probably varies greatly depending on the angle of the wrist.


Yeah mine is just under 12" but I am 6' tall. 

Is this how we make our selves feel better about our penis's by comparing forearm length when the women are talking about a 9'er ROFL


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Maybe. I'm 5'-8 1/2" size 8.5 shoe. The measurement I took probably varies greatly depending on the angle of the wrist.


Naah. Same height. And I think I see where you're coming from.

Of course my shoes are bigger


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Maybe. I'm 5'-8 1/2" size 8.5 shoe. The measurement I took probably varies greatly depending on the angle of the wrist.












Heh


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Naah. Same height. And I think I see where you're coming from.
> 
> Of course my shoes are bigger


Right, ladies I see we have two groups Those interested in sex or not and those really interested in their aaa particular body part or should I keep calling it bestie ?


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Yeah mine is just under 12" but I am 6' tall.
> 
> Is this how we make our selves feel better about our penis's by comparing forearm length when the women are talking about a 9'er ROFL


Don't feel superior just because the first digit of your height is 6 not 5.


----------



## caladan

How does this friend request thing work anyway?


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> Don't feel superior just because the first digit of your height is 6 not 5.


lol don't worry I don't


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> How does this friend request thing work anyway?


Click on someones screen name and there is a drop down menu. Send friend request then it will go to a different screen to confirm and select also add to friends list or something like that


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Click on someones screen name and there is a drop down menu. Send friend request then it will go to a different screen to confirm and select also add to friends list or something like that


Thanks mate. I figured it out in the end. I was expecting some sort of notification when people accepted my request. Doesn't seem to work that way. Cheers.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Right, ladies I see we have two groups Those interested in sex or not and those really interested in their aaa particular body part or should I keep calling it bestie ?


And - which do you fall into, dearest Edge?


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Click on someones screen name and there is a drop down menu. Send friend request then it will go to a different screen to confirm and select also add to friends list or something like that


Yes and until you figure that please feel free to keep talking about body parts and mostly among yourselves


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> And - which do you fall into, dearest Edge?


Nowhere Everybody ignores the newbie
And Edgya is a name I invented in a creative outburst as my parents took the liberty of naming me without my contsent


----------



## jpr

My hat has a niner. ...I think. Not sure. When he lies down it reaches up to his belly button.


He is not tall. He is 5 feet 8...wears size 11 shoes.


----------



## unsure78

So lon ... he told me I didnt belive him... so the width of my palm is appox 3 inches... so I did a quick rough estimatr while my hand was in umm action... yes he was...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Sheezus Christ.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

LOL no it's not my hat, I just thought all the ladies not getting laid might like to look at something pretty


----------



## Jellybeans

Thank you, ma'am. I quite enjoyed that.


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Yes and until you figure that please feel free to keep talking about body parts and mostly among yourselves


I would but I don't think my GF would appreciate that, I have to behave now...I got's to get used to that.
I'm sure she wouldn't mind you ogling pictures of me though. I just added another pic from my hike today...and I am even smiling big because Unsure told me I had too smile more in my pics


----------



## ne9907

Just want.to announce that stage coach is amazing!!! 
So many hot cowboys.
That is all


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> I would but I don't think my GF would appreciate that, I have to behave now...I got's to get used to that.
> I'm sure she wouldn't mind you ogling pictures of me though. I just added another pic from my hike today...and I am even smiling big because Unsure told me I had too smile more in my pics


Right and you remembered you have to behave after how many posts Hmmm Too many?
I learned how to smile in photos the hard way My VP in a big telecom company she saw me having my photo taken at an event and she was like "You should smile!" - bam - work task


----------



## edgya1234

@AP 
your girlfriend is very cute, you still don't smile and hey you really do love winter, brrr


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @AP
> your girlfriend is very cute, you still don't smile and hey you really do love winter, brrr


I fled when I saw those winter pics. Winter here has been much, much too long this year I think.

I used to looove winter.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I fled when I saw those winter pics. Winter here has been much, much too long this year I think.
> 
> I used to looove winter.


I loved winter when I was a kid. That was it 
Now I just want sun, sea and sand.


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Right and you remembered you have to behave after how many posts Hmmm Too many?
> I learned how to smile in photos the hard way My VP in a big telecom company she saw me having my photo taken at an event and she was like "You should smile!" - bam - work task


No I just am not going to discuss my body parts with women online. That I don't think she would much appreciate. I'll talk about other peoples I don't care about that lol



edgya1234 said:


> @AP
> your girlfriend is very cute, you still don't smile and hey you really do love winter, brrr


Thank you, I like her. 



caladan said:


> I fled when I saw those winter pics. Winter here has been much, much too long this year I think.
> 
> I used to looove winter.


Yea we broke major records here in Michigan, frickin wild man. Those pics were from the beginning of winter, by the end of it I was sick of it.


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> I would but I don't think my GF would appreciate that, I have to behave now...I got's to get used to that.
> I'm sure she wouldn't mind you ogling pictures of me though. I just added another pic from my hike today...and I am even smiling big because Unsure told me I had too smile more in my pics


I'll put up some pics when I get home. I should take new pics actually - I've firmed up a bit recently. It's the downfall of people who own cameras - we take loads of pics and never show up in them.


----------



## caladan

Time for more sex talk. Everyone talks about beach sex. I assumed it would be some amazing experience. It really didn't work for me though - sand got everywhere. Everywhere!


----------



## edgya1234

@AP - aha complain about winter, you winter lover 
@caladan - by the way are you part Irish?


----------



## jpr

You need a big blanket...and you place weighted objects at each of the corners.


Mmmmmmm...ocean breeze against bare skin.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @AP - aha complain about winter, you winter lover
> @caladan - by the way are you part Irish?


Umm... no. Why do you ask? Do you also have some sort of fetish for the wee Irish folk?


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Time for more sex talk. Everyone talks about beach sex. I assumed it would be some amazing experience. It really didn't work for me though - sand got everywhere. Everywhere!


I wanted to say the same thing. Mediterranean sand is so sticky...it gets everywhere with your clothes on, so ... the Atlantic is cold like , well like AP's favourite season, and than you could get in jail in some countries. Not Spain though
However, there are luxury hotels with beds that have some kind of curtains


----------



## caladan

jpr said:


> You need a big blanket...and you place weighted objects at each of the corners.
> 
> 
> Mmmmmmm...ocean breeze against bare skin.


Depending on your -ahem - positioning, it's sand getting into places that sand shouldn't get into. At least for me it was.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Umm... no. Why do you ask? Do you also have some sort of fetish for the wee Irish folk?


Ha, ha...good one No I was wondering how did you came up with your nick name I have a thing for the little green devil , the leprechaun, maybe I can catch him and find his gold pot LOL


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Depending on your -ahem - positioning, it's sand getting into places that sand shouldn't get into. At least for me it was.


Try the beaches in Spain Trust me


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Ha, ha...good one No I was wondering how did you came up with your nick name I have a thing for the little green devil , the leprechaun, maybe I can catch him and find his gold pot LOL


Heh. The first girl I ever kissed (actually she kissed me) was irish. I was a tiny geeky kid with little or no social skills, she the new girl, bigger than me, and all the guys liked her. When she walked up to me, I thought she was going to bully me and knock my books down, so I held my books out for her to knock over. Instead she kissed me.

I don't think I was able to eat for weeks afterwards. Puppy love.

I also think I peed my pants just a little bit out of fear. I didn't realize she had kissed me for maybe 5 minutes after she left. I just stood there speechless.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

500!! :woohoo:


----------



## ne9907

Stagecoach ticket: 250 dls
Gas: 50 dls
Soaking up the sun in my bra and shorts: priceless!!!

Loving this


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Try the beaches in Spain Trust me


Heh. I've been to the ones in Cape Town. Amazing beaches. Furious rip tide. Mad. That was when I realized there was a huge difference between being able to swim and being able to actually _swim_.


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> Stagecoach ticket: 250 dls
> Gas: 50 dls
> Soaking up the sun in my bra and shorts: priceless!!!
> 
> Loving this


POIDH Ne.


----------



## muskrat

Dang, I have to go get some work done, I come back 3 hours later and I am 10 pages behind.


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> Stagecoach ticket: 250 dls
> Gas: 50 dls
> Soaking up the sun in my bra and shorts: priceless!!!
> 
> Loving this


dls - is that dollars or some other currency?


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> Dang, I have to go get some work done, I come back 3 hours later and I am 10 pages behind.


Hey Muskie


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Heh. The first girl I ever kissed (actually she kissed me) was irish. I was a tiny geeky kid with little or no social skills, she the new girl, bigger than me, and all the guys liked her. When she walked up to me, I thought she was going to bully me and knock my books down, so I held my books out for her to knock over. Instead she kissed me.
> 
> I don't think I was able to eat for weeks afterwards. Puppy love.
> 
> I also think I peed my pants just a little bit out of fear. I didn't realize she had kissed me for maybe 5 minutes after she left. I just stood there speechless.


So you are a geek also? Welcome to the club buddy I - major geek
I worked in a project for EU with some guys and girls from Ireland and they were hilarious I love their accent. But can I love the leprechaun also?


----------



## caladan

3Xnocharm said:


> 500!! :woohoo:


Umm - 500 what? Lbs?


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> So you are a geek also? Welcome to the club buddy I - major geek
> I worked in a project for EU with some guys and girls from Ireland and they were hilarious I love their accent. But can I love the leprechaun also?


Absolutely. They're good fun, I agree. And here in the US, everyone is part Irish, heh.

I did get jumped in dublin once, apparently in the wrong part of town, with a schoolboy london accent. I had to explain really quickly how I wasn't really English per se.


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> Dang, I have to go get some work done, I come back 3 hours later and I am 10 pages behind.


This is the second time today you are falling behind Musk


----------



## caladan

Dollystanford said:


> LOL no it's not my hat, I just thought all the ladies not getting laid might like to look at something pretty


Really?

I tried staring at a picture of food once when I was starving. It didn't really work for me. Then again, the dynamic of getting laid isn't quite the same as that of eating.

Oh look - it's the great 1000! Bow before me kiddos.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Absolutely. They're good fun, I agree. And here in the US, everyone is part Irish, heh.
> 
> I did get jumped in dublin once, apparently in the wrong part of town, with a schoolboy london accent. I had to explain really quickly how I wasn't really English per se.


Well I am still a blonde, don't get confused So in most European countries, excluding UK, I can use this to the max They do not even try to rob me


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> dls - is that dollars or some other currency?


Dollars, shes in the states



caladan said:


> Umm - 500 what? Lbs?


Pages, she has hers load up double the normal post so her page count is half of what it normally shows.



caladan said:


> Absolutely. They're good fun, I agree. And here in the US, everyone is part Irish, heh.
> 
> I did get jumped in dublin once, apparently in the wrong part of town, with a schoolboy london accent. I had to explain really quickly how I wasn't really English per se.


I'm not Irish


----------



## Jellybeans

*1000!!!!*


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Holy smokes! 1000 pages?!? This thread is legendary!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

*1000* :smthumbup:


----------



## edgya1234

@AP you need to find some Irish blood in your line of ancestors Or do you want to get jumped in Dublin?


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> This is the second time today you are falling behind Musk


I about to fall way behind now. My brownies are almost done, then I'm off to the shower and my function for the night.
After that, if I feel adventurous, I could let an old gf come over.


----------



## unsure78

Yea 1000!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Spritz some some cologne on, Muskrat before you walk out the door.

A good-scented man with brownies?

Don't hurt anybody!


----------



## muskrat

TheGoodGuy said:


> Holy smokes! 1000 pages?!? This thread is legendary!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When I started this thread, my plan was to leave behind a legacy. :rofl:


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Dollars, shes in the states
> 
> 
> 
> Pages, she has hers load up double the normal post so her page count is half of what it normally shows.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not Irish


You look more latin, less Germanic. Italian? Hispanic/latino? Spanish? I refer of course to your ancestry, not nationality


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> I about to fall way behind now. My brownies are almost done, then I'm off to the shower and my function for the night.
> After that, if I feel adventurous, I could let an old gf come over.


Wow Musk , that's the spirit buddy Go for it and meanwhile send some of those brownies this way


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @AP you need to find some Irish blood in your line of ancestors Or do you want to get jumped in Dublin?


If he's american, he'll simply get honorary irish ethnicity. Like Obama did.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Spritz some some cologne on, Muskrat before you walk out the door.
> 
> A good-scented man with brownies?
> 
> Don't hurt anybody!


I got the brownies, I have the cologne, if only I didn't look like a muskrat!:rofl:


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> When I started this thread, my plan was to leave behind a legacy. :rofl:


Cheers matey, good job.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> If he's american, he'll simply get honorary irish ethnicity. Like Obama did.


Obama is still president and I think he has some bodyguards. I don't think somebody will question his ethnicity. I think even Putin could claim he is from Asia at their level

On the other hand, this is your advice for us if we want to go to Dublin meet some of the famous gangs they have?


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Obama is still president and I think he has some bodyguards. I don't think somebody will question his ethnicity. I think even Putin could claim he is from Asia at their level
> 
> On the other hand, this is your advice for us if we want to go to Dublin meet some of the famous gangs they have?


I have no idea whatsoever. Being asked for my wallet while talking behind the bar is far from my ideal way of meeting people. 

Are there gangs in dublin? What sort of gangs if I may ask?


----------



## bandit.45

I just rented a Harley Road King for my date tonight with Syrian. Taking her out to the Superstition wilderness for a sunset picnic. 

She's never ridden on the back of a hog and she's excited as hell. 

Nothing like a Harley, twisty roads, desert landscape and a hot babe....


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> I have no idea whatsoever. Being asked for my wallet while talking behind the bar is far from my ideal way of meeting people.
> 
> Are there gangs in dublin? What sort of gangs if I may ask?


red haired gangs.


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Obama is still president and I think he has some bodyguards. I don't think somebody will question his ethnicity. I think even Putin could claim he is from Asia at their level
> 
> On the other hand, this is your advice for us if we want to go to Dublin meet some of the famous gangs they have?


Rule 1: no talking about Obama on this thread. 

Or something bad will happen.....


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I just rented a Harley Road King for my date tonight with Syrian. Taking her out to the Superstition wilderness for a sunset picnic.
> 
> She's never ridden on the back of a hog and she's excited as hell.
> 
> Nothing like a Harley, twisty roads, desert landscape and a hot babe....


Keep the shiny side up brother.


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> You look more latin, less Germanic. Italian? Hispanic/latino? Spanish? I refer of course to your ancestry, not nationality


From my understanding I am a whole lot of French Canadian and then a whole lot of Hungarian. There is some other European drops of blood in there but I don't think any Irish.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Keep the shiny side up brother.


Dude this thing is badass. Dark magenta with ghost flames....


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> From my understanding I am a whole lot of French Canadian and then a whole lot of Hungarian. There is some other European drops of blood in there but I don't think any Irish.


Mutt.


----------



## edgya1234

@caladan - Dublin is in top of one of the most dangerous cities in the world. Wow somebody never watches history

@bandit - I totally love Harley's -I know the guys from the local club here - they helped us out at an event. I even mentioned the brand in an introduction I've done for a book LOL booring me babbling not the Harley


----------



## bandit.45

Have a great Friday all!

Get laid.


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> From my understanding I am a whole lot of French Canadian and then a whole lot of Hungarian. There is some other European drops of blood in there but I don't think any Irish.


I was going to ask about the Slavic angle too. Hungarian eh? Nice.


----------



## edgya1234

@AP buddy trust me you do not want to be Hungarian or you do if you go to Hungary. You know that the fascists parties are very big there, do you? Hungary is the only country openly breaking EU legislation concerning human rights


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Have a great Friday all!
> 
> Get laid.


Right Have fun B We expect a detailed story tomorrow Don't do anything I wouldn't do


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @caladan - Dublin is in top of one of the most dangerous cities in the world. Wow somebody never watches history


Tell me more about this. Dublin is a tiny city compared to London or NY, and it's safe when compared to some deep dark corners I've been to. Most dangerous? That's news to me.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> red haired gangs.


I think red hair is more prevalent in scotland.

And - the rudeboys in Glasgow don't try to take advantage of you just because you sound English.


----------



## edgya1234

@caladan I'm telling you what the reporters say. Dublin is one of the few capitals in Europe I haven't been to so I'm not speaking from experience. However History or National Geographic did a story about it. I'll look for it and send you a link. 
And please change the topic , I don't want to get banned for boring people to death I know I am a geek but dam


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I think red hair is more prevalent in scotland.
> 
> And - the rudeboys in Glasgow don't try to take advantage of you just because you sound English.


Through C, I can vouch for that Nobody tries to take advantage of you in fact They just speak funny


----------



## Another Planet

Jeesh you newb's are chatty lol
It's funny


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Jeesh you newb's are chatty lol
> It's funny


I can see your Hungarian side AP Not politically correct calling me newbie


----------



## Dollystanford

The only dangerous thing about Dublin is the Guinness factory


----------



## edgya1234

Dollystanford said:


> The only dangerous thing about Dublin is the Guinness factory


That too


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> Have a great Friday all!
> 
> Get laid.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Jeesh you newb's are chatty lol
> It's funny


Ooo this is like the third time this week ive agreed with you lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Jeesh you newb's are chatty lol
> It's funny


It's a european thing. You lot won't understand


----------



## RandomDude

What? AP is a Hun? 









Guess this is theme song too?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PKiVF22YZ0


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> It's a european thing. You lot won't understand


Thanks C We geeks have to stick together


----------



## jpr

Sometimes, when I check this thread, the first page pops up.

Muskrat's introductory post: "I thought it would be neat if..."

"Neat." 

Hahahaha. 

It makes me chuckle to myself every time I read that sentence. 


I thought I was the only person over the age of 11 who still used the word "Neat" to describe things. 

.....

Muskrat, you are such a neat guy.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> What? AP is a Hun?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Guess this is theme song too?
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PKiVF22YZ0


Yes I am, except isn't there like European and Asian Hungarians or something like that? I am on the Transylvania side of the the spectrum so I think that means more European instead of Asian or some stuff like that. Or that is what I have been told over the years anyway.
All I know is I am incredibly hairy and have dark hair and olive skin lol

PS that song is badass lol


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Yes I am, except isn't there like European and Asian Hungarians or something like that? I am on the Transylvania side of the the spectrum so I think that means more European instead of Asian or some stuff like that. Or that is what I have been told over the years anyway.
> All I know is I am incredibly hairy and have dark hair and olive skin lol
> 
> PS that song is badass lol


LOL buddy with all the respect Transilvania is Romanian territory 
Hungary is trying to get a part of Romania since forever 
Please, please don't go there 
It is like the US with terrorism Sorry is a very sensitive issue in the region.
And the descendants of huns are mongolian you can find them in ex USSR - former Soviet Union countries


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> LOL buddy with all the respect Transilvania is Romanian territory
> Hungary is trying to get a part of Romania since forever
> Please, please don't go there
> It is like the US with terrorism Sorry is a very sensitive issue in the region.


I know that it is now, but Transylvania was under Hungary rule or something like that at one point and that is where my ancestors are from or something like that. I don't know exactly, my mom and Aunts tracked all this stuff down so I am just going by what I have been told over the years. 

And I have no intentions to go there lol


----------



## edgya1234

Me being chatty drove everybody to sleep 
:scratchhead:


----------



## jpr




----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> I know that it is now, but Transylvania was under Hungary rule or something like that at one point and that is where my ancestors are from or something like that. I don't know exactly, my mom and Aunts tracked all this stuff down so I am just going by what I have been told over the years.
> 
> And I have no intentions to go there lol


Ah don't hold it against me AP I support you with your love for winter
The Austro-Hungarian Empire occupied Transilvania as the Ottoman empire occupied several countries But this is history

Gentlemen please go back to what you were talking , body parts sizes, dates etc. because I will dislike myself for turning this thread from a funny one in a boring one


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Me being chatty drove everybody to sleep
> :scratchhead:


No it's Friday night everyone is going on dates 
I am jumping in the shower then going over to GF's to hang for the night with her and her bestfriend and drink some crappy beer...maybe I will pickup some good IPA on the way over there hmmm


----------



## edgya1234

@AP what is IPA this is part of the slang I do not recognize
What time is now where you live? Is night already??


----------



## RandomDude

Bah who cares about who occupied what - Attila + The Huns + The song is awesome 

Besides I might go to Hungary one day when I have the time, and meet this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOpOqgotJZc

Tough skill to master, you have to release the arrow just as the hoofs are off the ground otherwise your shot will go all over the darn place >.<! Timing and instinct!

@AP

Haha thought you would like the song! I play it while driving, probably why I'm always in constant road rage!


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> @AP what is IPA this is part of the slang I do not recognize
> What time is now where you live? Is night already??


IPA=India Pale Ale, it's just a better beer then ****ty cheap lager which is what they will be drinking.


----------



## Piggy

Hi 
I new here 
Otw to divorce route....


----------



## bandit.45

Piggy said:


> Hi
> I new here
> Otw to divorce route....


Wllllcmmmmm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Sorry. I meant 'Welcome! I had something in my mouth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Piggy

:smthumbup:
Hi hi 
How everyone doing


----------



## bandit.45

Piggy everyone is out on dates. I'm on one but she fell asleep. He he. Fridays are slow on TAM if you are home and bored. 

But Welcome all the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Piggy

it been 2 yr since I last date 

I with my kid
But she sleeping now. So checking out the thread.


----------



## bandit.45

How long have you been married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Had a spur of the moment date with a gf. She brought her Doberman over, it was nice. Went out, had some beers, came back to my house, drank some more wine 

Was a good night


----------



## bandit.45

Good to hear that vi. Glad you got out to do something. I'm eating a sandwich. Syrian is crashed out asleep and dead to the world. Guess I did my due diligence. For some strange reason I cannot sleep. 

I've been up since 4 this morning. Weird.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I think I need food....lol


----------



## bandit.45

Eat. Eat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit -- eat something or have some tea, maybe? Are you stressed out about something?

Vi -- go eat something!

Pi -- welcome to the thread.

Hmm, I'm apparently hungry; so I will go to the gym. I am actively trying to avoid initiating a "date" because I'm at the mercy of a very stupid libido, lately. So I'm on an anti-date with my iPod and my homework!


----------



## bandit.45

No I'm very unstressed Moxy. Date is going fabulous. She's really tired do
I'm letting Syrian sleep. She likes my king bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> No I'm very unstressed Moxy. Date is going fabulous. She's really tired do
> I'm letting Syrian sleep. She likes my king bed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's awesome!  

Maybe you're just energized from happiness?


----------



## moxy

I posted a couple of pix in my album; anyone want to give me an opinion on whether or not they (first two) are appropriate for an online dating sort of site? I was talking to a friend about this earlier today, and the thought crossed my mind.


----------



## muskrat

I would look for you 
moxy, but you would have to friend me so I could see.


----------



## Piggy

bandit.45 said:


> How long have you been married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


1.5 yrs... 
But it a sad marriage


----------



## Piggy

moxy said:


> Bandit -- eat something or have some tea, maybe? Are you stressed out about something?
> 
> Vi -- go eat something!
> 
> Pi -- welcome to the thread.
> 
> Hmm, I'm apparently hungry; so I will go to the gym. I am actively trying to avoid initiating a "date" because I'm at the mercy of a very stupid libido, lately. So I'm on an anti-date with my iPod and my homework!


Hihi moxy


----------



## Ikaika

Piggy, I crash this party from time to time. I am tolerated by my friends here and welcome you to this small corner of TAM. I'm uncle Dre.


----------



## Piggy

drerio said:


> Piggy, I crash this party from time to time. I am tolerated by my friends here and welcome you to this small corner of TAM. I'm uncle Dre.


Hihi uncle dre


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I posted a couple of pix in my album; anyone want to give me an opinion on whether or not they (first two) are appropriate for an online dating sort of site? I was talking to a friend about this earlier today, and the thought crossed my mind.


I don't think I can check out peoples profiles on this site from my phone but when I get home I will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Piggy said:


> :smthumbup:
> Hi hi
> How everyone doing


Hello Piggy! Welcome to the thread 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Piggy

Another Planet said:


> Hello Piggy! Welcome to the thread
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hihi AP


----------



## unsure78

My kid is sick... so all my plans are now canceled. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I posted a couple of pix in my album; anyone want to give me an opinion on whether or not they (first two) are appropriate for an online dating sort of site? I was talking to a friend about this earlier today, and the thought crossed my mind.


3, 7, and 9. I would use either 3 or 9 as your profile pic. Very pretty by the way


----------



## Piggy

unsure78 said:


> My kid is sick... so all my plans are now canceled. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get well soon


----------



## moxy

Thank you, AP. I had used the first two. I'll go back and look at the others. I don't want to come across as a diva or a ho, nor do I want to seem frumpy and passive. It's hard to admit, but the issues in my marriage led me to a place of real insecurity; the idea that I'm visible, criticize-able, makes me feel vulnerable and nervous. I don't put any faith in these sites, but I do think that being aware of how we represent ourselves helps highlight aspects of the self which are in need of both encouragement and improvement.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Thank you, AP. I had used the first two. I'll go back and look at the others. I don't want to come across as a diva or a ho, nor do I want to seem frumpy and passive. It's hard to admit, but the issues in my marriage led me to a place of real insecurity; the idea that I'm visible, criticize-able, makes me feel vulnerable and nervous. I don't put any faith in these sites, but I do think that being aware of how we represent ourselves helps highlight aspects of the self which are in need of both encouragement and improvement.


No prob 
There's of course nothing wrong with the other pics just those are the ones that would make me stop and take a closer look. Those 3 make you look fun, classy, and approachable and show some of your personality :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> 3, 7, and 9. I would use either 3 or 9 as your profile pic. Very pretty by the way


I went and looked also and I agree with AP. I would also add in 6.
You may notice the one thing the pics we picked have in common is that you are smiling. A warm pretty smile also draws attention.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I went and looked also and I agree with AP. I would also add in 6.
> You may notice the one thing the pics we picked have in common is that you are smiling. A warm pretty smile also draws attention.


Thank you, muskrat.  I actually smile a lot in person, so it wouldn't be a misrepresentation of me to choose a photo featuring a grin. I'll have a look at that one.

Funny: my favorite photos are the ones where I am not smiling; this is why hearing the instincts of others is helpful!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I posted a couple of pix in my album; anyone want to give me an opinion on whether or not they (first two) are appropriate for an online dating sort of site? I was talking to a friend about this earlier today, and the thought crossed my mind.


You look yummy. Yum yum good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> You look yummy. Yum yum good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why, thank you! That's what I want my next date to think.  

I need to stop lusting after my neighbor who is being douchey, but, he is just so damn attractive that I can't help it.


----------



## bandit.45

Giving that Harley back was tough... I want one.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Giving that Harley back was tough... I want one.


Hey Bandit, how was your date? Better than riding the harley hmm?
Why don't you get one Harley I mean


----------



## EasyBakeOven

I know she is out there... peekaboo where are you ??? lolol


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Hey Bandit, how was your date? Better than riding the harley hmm?
> Why don't you get one Harley I mean


The date went great. We rode out to a lake way outside the city in the Superstition Wilderness that is dammed up in a picturesque canyon, and had a little wine and cheese picnic.

Then we rode to my house and took a shower together, made love and then she fell asleep. I stayed up and played on TAM and sent off some e-mails, then she got up around 11:00 p.m. and we watched a Netflix movie together and went back to bed around 2:00 a.m. Got up, made love again, and then I took her home around 9:00 a.m. 

She has a wedding to attend today and I have laundry to do...bleh


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> The date went great. We rode out to a lake way outside the city in the Superstition Wilderness that is dammed up in a picturesque canyon, and had a little wine and cheese picnic.
> 
> Then we rode to my house and took a shower together, made love and then she fell asleep. I stayed up and played on TAM and sent off some e-mails, then she got up around 11:00 p.m. and we watched a Netflix movie together and went back to bed around 2:00 a.m. Got up, made love again, and then I took her home around 9:00 a.m.
> 
> She has a wedding to attend today and I have laundry to do...bleh


See big guy I told you yo go for it and shut down the brain. It didn't hurt did it? 
You have nothing to worry about her
So are you going to buy one? A harley not a girl


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> The date went great. We rode out to a lake way outside the city in the Superstition Wilderness that is dammed up in a picturesque canyon, and had a little wine and cheese picnic.
> 
> Then we rode to my house and took a shower together, made love and then she fell asleep. I stayed up and played on TAM and sent off some e-mails, then she got up around 11:00 p.m. and we watched a Netflix movie together and went back to bed around 2:00 a.m. Got up, made love again, and then I took her home around 9:00 a.m.
> 
> She has a wedding to attend today and I have laundry to do...bleh


What an awesome date!!


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> See big guy I told you yo go for it and shut down the brain. It didn't hurt did it?
> You have nothing to worry about her
> So are you going to buy one? A harley not a girl


I almost bought one last year. Can't really afford it right now. I'm getting ready to trade in my tired old truck for a new one and then I'll be in debt for $500 a month. I'm also socking as much away as I can for my retirement. 

So... alas... no hog for Bandito. 

By the way edgya, my friend is from Hateg, Transylvania. Do you know it?


----------



## bandit.45

Here is a pic of the lake I took Syrian to.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I almost bought one last year. Can't really afford it right now. I'm getting ready to trade in my tired old truck for a new one and then I'll be in debt for $500 a month. I'm also socking as much away as I can for my retirement.
> 
> So... alas... no hog for Bandito.
> 
> By the way edgya, my friend is from Hateg, Transylvania. Do you know it?


Yes I know where it is. Is a small city in a county called Hunedoara. The population is under 10,000 inhabitants. Is not a touristic spot per se however the county is beautiful. 
The touristic spots are Sinaia, Brasov, Poiana Brasov And what might be your favorite spot the Bran Castle where all the visitors come thinking of it as Dracula Castle although the king Vlad (depicted in the legend) has never set foot in there 
So no Harley for you hmm? However the most expensive is supposed to be around 40,000 Euro here and I know in US will be less expensive.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Here is a pic of the lake I took Syrian to.


Wow how beautiful Do you want to see some pictures of our mountains Where the temperature is 14 C degrees in the hot summer which is around 33 C degrees in Bucharest. 
Quite a picnic you had there guys


----------



## edgya1234

So Bandit we are only missing AP to make fun of me and call me a "chatty newbie"


----------



## edgya1234

@moxy How are you? How's your sexy neighbour? Still not kicking the supposed girlfriend to the curb for you? His loss
How was your hmmm ...day? I do not know the time difference. Here is 11 pm


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> So Bandit we are only missing AP to make fun of me and call me a "chatty newbie"


Nothing wrong with chatty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Wow how beautiful Do you want to see some pictures of our mountains Where the temperature is 14 C degrees in the hot summer which is around 33 C degrees in Bucharest.
> Quite a picnic you had there guys


Sure. If like to see some pics. 

I'm a hunter. I want to go to Romania soon and hunt brown bear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Sure. If like to see some pics.
> 
> I'm a hunter. I want to go to Romania soon and hunt brown bear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No way B, those are protected animals.. Lucky for them There are friendly little bears that come and eat things that tourists gave them Those are not like grizzly


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> So Bandit we are only missing AP to make fun of me and call me a "chatty newbie"


Dont take it personal we enjoy banter in here. ..

Got nothing interesting. . My little guy is sick still. .. we are watching scooby doo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Dont take it personal we enjoy banter in here. ..
> 
> Got nothing interesting. . My little guy is sick still. .. we are watching scooby doo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was trying to make a joke It does not transcends writing 
I am sorry about your girl, what happened to her?


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> I was trying to make a joke It does not transcends writing
> I am sorry about your girl, what happened to her?


He is just sick with a fever... he will be ok in a day or two...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Slow afternoon. 

Sorry the little guy is sick Unsure. Good thing he's got his momma there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> No way B, those are protected animals.. Lucky for them There are friendly little bears that come and eat things that tourists gave them Those are not like grizzly


If you have the cash, and can pay for the privelege , you can hunt any animal on the planet. 

Actually I would not hunt bear. Wild boar more likely. Romania has some monster boars.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

At a bowling fundraiser. Might meet up with disc golf later


----------



## moxy

Unsure -- hope your little guy is better soon. Yay scooby doo!

Edgya -- I don't mind that the guy is seeing others, just that he's being a bit shady instead of honest

Bandit -- what a cool place! Must've been an amazing date.

Vi -- have fun!! 

I'm playing with my nephews and nieces at the park. Lots of running around! I'll see my folks and my siblings for dinner and then I've got a long drive back to my place in the morning.


----------



## edgya1234

@bandit please don't kill little bears
@moxi - tell me something more about this guy, if you really like him maybe we can cook a plan
@unsure - sorry for the confusion - he will get better.


----------



## Another Planet

Maybe I will check in later but for the most part I have been with GF since yesterday and will probably be with her until Monday morning...honestly probably more like Wednesday morning lol 
Some of the guys want to go up to the bar for a late Bday drink with me tonight though so we will see, maybe I'll take a break for a few and hang with the guys for a couple hours.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> If you have the cash, and can pay for the privelege , you can hunt any animal on the planet.
> 
> Actually I would not hunt bear. Wild boar more likely. Romania has some monster boars.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok with the wild boars, those are pests. For those you just need an EU approved permit. I think the peasants might pay you to kill them They are however very dangerous and they got smart. As they live on hills they see you and smell you before you even spot them and they attack


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Maybe I will check in later but for the most part I have been with GF since yesterday and will probably be with her until Monday morning...honestly probably more like Wednesday morning lol
> Some of the guys want to go up to the bar for a late Bday drink with me tonight though so we will see, maybe I'll take a break for a few and hang with the guys for a couple hours.


Can't you take her with you?


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Ok with the wild boars, those are pests. For those you just need an EU approved permit. I think the peasants might pay you to kill them They are however very dangerous and they got smart. As they live on hills they see you and smell you before you even spot them and they attack


Sounds like fun.....


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Sounds like fun.....


Well B I guess I speak for all of us when I say: I want to be a fly to see you chased by wild boars


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Pandora set to Christopher Cross radio...check.

Corona light w/ lime....check.


Ahhhhh. Life is good.


----------



## unsure78

ThreeStrikes said:


> Pandora set to Christopher Cross radio...check.
> 
> Corona light w/ lime....check.
> 
> 
> Ahhhhh. Life is good.


Nice 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

Hey Bandit--are boars very different than javelina? I've never hunted for javelina, just shot at ones that got too close, but I hear they're pretty wily.


----------



## edgya1234

This is the read wild boar. Some of them are bigger.


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Well B I guess I speak for all of us when I say: I want to be a fly to see you chased by wild boars


I'll have some hounds with me of course. And I'm a good shot.


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> View attachment 22378
> 
> 
> This is the read wild boar. Some of them are bigger.


Yes these are the ones I'm talking about. We have them here in the US . Texas is having a horrible problem with them.


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Hey Bandit--are boars very different than javelina? I've never hunted for javelina, just shot at ones that got too close, but I hear they're pretty wily.


Red or "Russian" boar are much bigger. Russian boars can get up to around 200 pounds. 

Javelina only get to about 80 pounds at most, and are not really all that aggressive unless you corner them or if a momma javelina thinks you are trying to hurt her piglets.


----------



## muskrat

I have always wanted to go hog hunting with my bow.


----------



## moxy

I'm not much of a huntress, myself. However, I can attest to the fact that TX is indeed having a problem with the wild boar population.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I have always wanted to go hog hunting with my bow.


Let's do it bro! Last year I bought a pristine 2001 Oneida 55# bow. I've never hunted with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Piggy

Hihi everybody
How Sunday? 
Are you all taking about pig?


----------



## ne9907

How would you respond to someone whip says to you
"Don't put words in my mouth, that's the quickest way for me not to care"

I was thinking of " nice fighting words, but I don't care either way"

Background? 
I am at stage coach, having a lot of fun so wanted to share with blue eyes which I.did
His response was a simple "I am glad you are having fun"
I responded with something like this "'that translates to I don't care what you are doing"
Hmm, it is very silly and stupid.


----------



## Dollystanford

Why did you respond like that? He's right, you did put words in his mouth - I'm not sure how you got what you got from what he said?


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Let's do it bro! Last year I bought a pristine 2001 Oneida 55# bow. I've never hunted with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As I was saying b imagine this:
a subcarpathian hill (those are taller and more abrupt) - the boar natural habitat, lots of grass (tall grass that you can't see anything), you with a bow, ok few dogs (if you want hounds for a boar I guess you have to train few rottweilers) and from nowhere a pack of those boars appear (they lately travel in groups of 8-10 animals) so...you tell me, unless you get a machine gun (which is forbidden) to decimate them all ...I don't know 

@muskrat - really, a bow? with a pack of boars?


----------



## edgya1234

ne9907 said:


> How would you respond to someone whip says to you
> "Don't put words in my mouth, that's the quickest way for me not to care"
> 
> I was thinking of " nice fighting words, but I don't care either way"
> 
> Background?
> I am at stage coach, having a lot of fun so wanted to share with blue eyes which I.did
> His response was a simple "I am glad you are having fun"
> I responded with something like this "'that translates to I don't care what you are doing"
> Hmm, it is very silly and stupid.


I think he really meant what he initially said He meant he was glad you are enjoying yourself Men are more direct and simpler (no offence guys) they do not stand for our subtleties 
I would say something like " sorry it seems things get lost in translation can we please start from the beginning"


----------



## unsure78

Lets talk about things other than killing stuff.... anyone get laid?

Put my match back up last night got 30 emails and over 30 likes overnight...lol amused
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I just found out that my bf's mom and his stepdad are coming to visit at the end of the month.

They are staying with me....well it's 'us'. 



well......not really. Generally speaking, I love when visitors come to visit.

I am not that nervous about it. ....just a little stressed out.

I have a lot I want to do to my house, and the end of the this month is one of the most stressful times of the year for me at work.

I wish it were a couple of weeks later. 


I am a bit overwhelmed thinking of all that


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> I just found out that my bf's mom and his stepdad are coming to visit at the end of the month.
> 
> They are staying with me....well it's 'us'.
> 
> 
> 
> well......not really. Generally speaking, I love when visitors come to visit.
> 
> I am not that nervous about it. ....just a little stressed out.
> 
> I have a lot I want to do to my house, and the end of the this month is one of the most stressful times of the year for me at work.
> 
> I wish it were a couple of weeks later.
> 
> 
> I am a bit overwhelmed thinking of all that


Ooo yea that would stress me out a bit too... is this the first time you will be spending significant time with them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I spent a significant amount of time with her a couple of months ago...a few days.
But, this is different.

I was staying in her home...now, she will be in my home.


And this will be the first time she meets my son.


----------



## Piggy

jpr said:


> I just found out that my bf's mom and his stepdad are coming to visit at the end of the month.
> 
> They are staying with me....well it's 'us'.
> 
> 
> 
> well......not really. Generally speaking, I love when visitors come to visit.
> 
> I am not that nervous about it. ....just a little stressed out.
> 
> I have a lot I want to do to my house, and the end of the this month is one of the most stressful times of the year for me at work.
> 
> I wish it were a couple of weeks later.
> 
> 
> I am a bit overwhelmed thinking of all that


I will definitely freak out...


----------



## jpr

I am not really freaking out....I am just stressing a bit.

I want my house to look a certain way when visitors come to visit...and i have been swamped at work and life, and haven't gotten a chance to really get things in order.

I just have a lot of work to do to prepare.


His mom likes me a lot....I know that. I am excited for her visit, actually. I just wish it were at a different time.


----------



## Piggy

jpr said:


> I am not really freaking out....I am just stressing a bit.
> 
> I want my house to look a certain way when visitors come to visit...and i have been swamped at work and life, and haven't gotten a chance to really get things in order.
> 
> I just have a lot of work to do to prepare.
> 
> 
> His mom likes me a lot....I know that. I am excited for her visit, actually. I just wish it were at a different time.


Can you take a day leave or two?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> How would you respond to someone whip says to you
> "Don't put words in my mouth, that's the quickest way for me not to care"
> 
> I was thinking of " nice fighting words, but I don't care either way"
> 
> Background?
> I am at stage coach, having a lot of fun so wanted to share with blue eyes which I.did
> His response was a simple "I am glad you are having fun"
> I responded with something like this "'that translates to I don't care what you are doing"
> Hmm, it is very silly and stupid.


I hope you got a good retort back, personally I probably would have just left you standing there Ne :/


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Lets talk about things other than killing stuff.... anyone get laid?
> 
> Put my match back up last night got 30 emails and over 30 likes overnight...lol amused
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remember to keep working on your long term relationship plan! We all know you can snag them but you got to be able to take it to the next level to keep them :smthumbup:


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> How would you respond to someone whip says to you
> 
> "Don't put words in my mouth, that's the quickest way for me not to care"
> 
> 
> 
> I was thinking of " nice fighting words, but I don't care either way"
> 
> 
> 
> Background?
> 
> I am at stage coach, having a lot of fun so wanted to share with blue eyes which I.did
> 
> His response was a simple "I am glad you are having fun"
> 
> I responded with something like this "'that translates to I don't care what you are doing"
> 
> Hmm, it is very silly and stupid.



Is there seriously a response that you wouldn't have interpreted as being jerkish? You seem to be working really, really hard to find the absolute worst meaning in everything this guy says or does. First off, I'd stop texting with him. That just gives you way too much leeway to invent your own meaning to every word and letter. You're going to make the both of you nuts at the rate you're going.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Remember to keep working on your long term relationship plan! We all know you can snag them but you got to be able to take it to the next level to keep them :smthumbup:


Lol I have no plan Another... I do learn with each one... and he was clearly not going to meet my needs... money is great and all but I need some time and attention to make it work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Ne, stop reading double meanings into everything. Saying "I'm glad you're having fun" means just that. Not every statement has to be a test to gauge his interest in you. You're being reactionary and making things dramatic. Why would his statement put you in a fighting mood? 

Are you going to IC? If so, bring up the conversation about making assumptions too quickly. 

Sure, you don't want to get hurt, but you can't hold Blue responsible for other people's behavior in your past, which us kinda what you're doing by not trusting in his sincerity of expression and by being combative and reactionary about everything that could be seen as ambiguous. 

When you think you know someone's intentions and you think in this reactionary way, stop and ask yourself to list five other possible reasons for this behavior. It will help you break the habit of jumping to conclusions.


----------



## ne9907

I didn't text anything back.
Great info from everyone. Good thing I have all of you.
I do feel like an idiot, but this feeling will pass


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I am not really freaking out....I am just stressing a bit.
> 
> I want my house to look a certain way when visitors come to visit...and i have been swamped at work and life, and haven't gotten a chance to really get things in order.
> 
> I just have a lot of work to do to prepare.
> 
> 
> His mom likes me a lot....I know that. I am excited for her visit, actually. I just wish it were at a different time.


I would do minimal housework and deliberately try to not impress or else you are setting her up to have unrealistic expectations of you.


----------



## bandit.45

What is the difference in hunting for a husband and hunting for a game animal?

Either way it means death for the prey.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

yes greet her in your knickers with unplucked eyebrows


----------



## unsure78

Lol dolly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> yes greet her in your knickers with unplucked eyebrows


Well that may set up low expectations, and no reason to ever disappoint the future MIL after that. No anxiety, let her see jpr at her worst and it will only get better. Great idea Dolly, I agree!


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh Lon you're such a boy


----------



## Another Planet

Speaking of expectations my GF finally came over to my place yesterday for the first time lol
I spent a ton of effort trying to make sure her expectations were not inflated of me because for some reason that just seems to happen to me and it drives me crazy.
After the tour we sat down for lunch and she is like "omg you are normal".....  yeah no kidding I have been telling you that lol


----------



## ThreeStrikes

bandit.45 said:


> What is the difference in hunting for a husband and hunting for a game animal?
> 
> Either way it means death for the prey.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Echo..echo...echo...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

How are you, today, unsure?


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> How are you, today, unsure?


Im ok... my munckin is still sick... just been quiet in here today... anything else exciting moxy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> His response was a simple "I am glad you are having fun"
> I responded with something like this "'that translates to I don't care what you are doing"
> Hmm, it is very silly and stupid.


Yeowch. Total overreaction on your part. Just imagine if some guy said that to you. Has he reached out again? Ne, you gotta learn to come across as happier in your texts.



unsure78 said:


> Lets talk about things other than killing stuff.... anyone get laid?
> 
> Put my match back up last night got 30 emails and over 30 likes overnight...lol amused


Of course you did. You're hot. 

And no, nobody getting laid here (meaning, me).



bandit.45 said:


> What is the difference in hunting for a husband and hunting for a game animal?
> 
> Either way it means death for the prey.


Meh. I prefer my men alive. And I am definitely not hunting for a husband. Ewwww. :rofl:

I seem to have a rotating mix of dudes flirting with me via text this weekend. I like this. I'm not even dating but I dig the flirts. Oh and the ex invited me over for drink. I declined as I am working on projects. He seems to want in my pants (can't say I blame him). I think "come over for a drink" is probably code for "Want to have sex?"


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Yeowch. Total overreaction on your part. Just imagine if some guy said that to you. Has he reached out again? Ne, you gotta learn to come across as happier in your texts.
> 
> 
> 
> Of course you did. You're hot.
> 
> And no, nobody getting laid here (meaning, me).
> 
> 
> 
> Meh. I prefer my men alive. And I am definitely not hunting for a husband. Ewwww. :rofl:
> 
> I seem to have a rotating mix of dudes flirting with me via text this weekend. I like this. I'm not even dating but I dig the flirts. Oh and the ex invited me over for drink. I declined as I am working on projects. He seems to want in my pants (can't say I blame him). I think "come over for a drink" is probably code for "Want to have sex?"


Lol ive had that happen before with the ex too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Got a date for wed... and will prob have another two set up for this coming weekend....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Nice, Unsure. I hope your son feels better soon.

Have you heard from Doofus at all?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Nice, Unsure. I hope your son feels better soon.
> 
> Have you heard from Doofus at all?


Nope (but I give him that hes not back on online dating yet)... still texting with slow though. ..

Tell us about your text flirts jelly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Well one guy called me "beautiful" and one guy (my ex) invited me over for drinks so he could show me his new furniture (which I think is code for his penis). Ha. 

Ok now that I typed that I guess it's really not that scandalous but it is nice to be thought about it and I quite like it. 

Oh and I did some errand-running and saw some attractive men and noticed the ones who caught my eye were all older. Apparently the older man thing was not just a quick/passing phase and is drawn out.

Lol, Freakin' Slow! That guys cracks me up, Unsure. But in a way I find him totally endearing.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Well one guy called me "beautiful" and one guy (my ex) invited me over for drinks so he could show me his new furniture (which I think is code for his penis). Ha.
> 
> Ok now that I typed that I guess it's really not that scandalous but it is nice to be thought about it and I quite like it.
> 
> Oh and I did some errand-running and saw some attractive men and noticed the ones who caught my eye were all older. Apparently the older man thing was not just a quick/passing phase and is drawn out.
> 
> Lol, Freakin' Slow! That guys cracks me up, Unsure. But in a way I find him totally endearing.


Yea ive already figured that ill end up marrying him in the end cause he at snails pace out lasts them all... (lol before anyone freaks im kidding)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> What is the difference in hunting for a husband and hunting for a game animal?
> 
> Either way it means death for the prey.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


B is this your way of telling us you are hunting for a husband LOL I thought you already catched a "girlfriend"?


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Well one guy called me "beautiful" and one guy (my ex) invited me over for drinks so he could show me his new furniture (which I think is code for his penis). Ha.
> 
> Ok now that I typed that I guess it's really not that scandalous but it is nice to be thought about it and I quite like it.
> 
> Oh and I did some errand-running and saw some attractive men and noticed the ones who caught my eye were all older. Apparently the older man thing was not just a quick/passing phase and is drawn out.
> 
> Lol, Freakin' Slow! That guys cracks me up, Unsure. But in a way I find him totally endearing.


Well you deserve to be noticed and you deserve attention and if somebody calls you beautiful is because you are. 
Sometimes I am amazed that you guys are single because most of you are beautiful inside and outside. 
My opinion


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Got a date for wed... and will prob have another two set up for this coming weekend....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is it, girls we have to enjoy life and learn to love ourselves! I am really glad for you. I hope everything will be well. 
I also hope your baby is better. Did his fever dropped?


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Remember to keep working on your long term relationship plan! We all know you can snag them but you got to be able to take it to the next level to keep them :smthumbup:


Well AP you have the nice girlfriend that dots on you, you tell us


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Yea ive already figured that ill end up marrying him in the end cause he at snails pace out lasts them all...


:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

Oooo who was calling you beautiful? 

Most amusing match email so far... "hey babe you going to email me or just stare"


Lol ummmm nooo thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. But you have to love that guy's confidence. He's all, So how YOU doin.... Haha. totally cheesy.

You should have said "I am just going to stare. You are so hot I cannot stop staring. Seriously. Cannot look away." Just to fck with him. Hahaha.


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> This is it, girls we have to enjoy life and learn to love ourselves! I am really glad for you. I hope everything will be well.
> I also hope your baby is better. Did his fever dropped?


Lol you havent been hanging here long enough to know... im go on a looooooooooot of dates.... dates are easy, relationships are hard....

My little guy is getting there.. thanks for the thoughts. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. But you have to love that guy's confidence. He's all, So how YOU doin.... Haha. totally cheesy.
> 
> You should have said "I am just going to stare. You are so hot I cannot stop staring. Seriously. Cannot look away." Just to fck with him. Hahaha.


I almost replied in sassy unsure style just cause it was so amusing but he wasnt quite up to my standards...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Oooo who was calling you beautiful?
> 
> Most amusing match email so far... "hey babe you going to email me or just stare"
> 
> 
> Lol ummmm nooo thanks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This sounds like a lot of fun kind of more fun than dating, a lot of "interesting characters" hmm


----------



## Jellybeans

Unsure, you shoulda been like "Send me a d!ck pic." And see if he actually does it. You may scare him off though which would be good cause he'll be like, Omg she's aggressive.

I am telling you, you could have even more fun with stuff. Hahahaha.


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> This sounds like a lot of fun kind of more fun than dating, a lot of "interesting characters" hmm


Yes it is amusing. .. but im already talking to more than I can handle at this time...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Lol you havent been hanging here long enough to know... im go on a looooooooooot of dates.... dates are easy, relationships are hard....
> 
> My little guy is getting there.. thanks for the thoughts. .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My grandfather used to say that each plant has its shadow I mean a time will come when a real man will see you for the fabulous woman and mother that you are and will sweep you off your feet This things happen when you expect them the least. 

I love children, they are the joy of the world


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Yes it is amusing. .. but im already talking to more than I can handle at this time...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Chose whom you like best and loose the rest LOL just kidding. 
Just set standards for them darling because you deserve to be happy and you deserve to get what you want not what somebody wants to give you.


----------



## muskrat

It must be nice to be a hot chick.
I can't even fathom going on that many dates. How is that even possible.


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> It must be nice to be a hot chick.
> I can't even fathom going on that many dates. How is that even possible.


Musky is even more possible for men than it is for women Trust me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Musk, I don't go on that many dates. Were your brownies a hit? Did you see the ex? Did you wear the cologne?


----------



## edgya1234

It is really hard to be a woman sometimes. 
Different from you I had a nice day with my sister , my brother in law and my nephews followed by a hard three hours conversation with my husband and my mother in law. 

Can a man who loves a woman can be so sick and rapt in himself that wants to hurt the woman he "supposedly" loves??
I suffered for one month like a dog and for what? To find out from my mother in law that my husband still loves me however he passes through a tough period. Poor him he just wants to lash out at me and I should be supportive! 
This would be hilarious if it would not be sick 

But enough with sad things let's speak about happy ones or funy of joyful


----------



## jpr

I am not a hot chick...but, I never had a problem finding a date....but, I also have no standards. I never quite figure out the art of pre-screening. I was pretty open to whatever....and whoever asked me out for a beer.

Oh well. 

...thanks for the advice about trying to keep the expectations low. ...but, that is not how I roll. I think it is a sign of respect to welcome your guests properly. To me, that means a clean house, a clean guest room, nice towels, and food and drink in the fridge that my guests enjoy. I want his mom and stepdad to feel welcome...and wanted. 

It's okay. I am feeling more in control of my life right now. 

I got this.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Musk, I don't go on that many dates. Were your brownies a hit? Did you see the ex? Did you wear the cologne?


The Brownies got devoured, I blew off the ex and yes I wore the cologne. I was looking and smelling good for family night. 

Now I need to soak in a tub of ice. We had our first softball practice today. Judging by how sore I am, I was/am more out of shape than I thought.

I have seen your pics Jelly, if you don't date much that has to be your choice because you are smokin' hot!!


----------



## edgya1234

jpr said:


> I am not a hot chick...but, I never had a problem finding a date....but, I also have no standards. I never quite figure out the art of pre-screening. I was pretty open to whatever....and whoever asked me out for a beer.
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> ...thanks for the advice about trying to keep the expectations low. ...but, that is not how I roll. I think it is a sign of respect to welcome your guests properly. To me, that means a clean house, a clean guest room, nice towels, and in the fridge that my guests enjoy. I want his mom and stepdad to feel welcome...and wanted.
> 
> It's okay. I am feeling more in control of my life right now.
> 
> I got this.


You should do whatever makes you comfortable. If you are comfortable with offering the best to your guests, it will make you feel better when you do it. 
As for standards what worked for me was a list with what do I want from a man, things I could accept and things that will be a deal breaker. 
Prescreening - you do say how you see your life and listen to what they answer. If the answer is in "dealbreaker" category have a friend call you for an emergency meeting


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> It must be nice to be a hot chick.
> I can't even fathom going on that many dates. How is that even possible.


Lol but I enjoy just dating itself so for me thats the fun/easy part... I pre screen and usually have a basic set of standards, though exceptions are made...but I actually enjoy meeting a new guy for a nice meal and drinks... even if I dont have "it" with them 95% of the time I enjoy the experience. ... so im more than willing to just go for it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I still can't fathom dating that much. I know I am fussy on who I spend my time and money on, but you go on more dates in a week than I get in a year.

It is very different for guys. I don't know any men that could set up a profile on match and get 30 messages in a day. I also live in a less populated area than you, so I am sure that limits the options.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't see anything wrong with having standards, Unsure. I mean, sh*t. I personally I am not going to date a drug addict. No, thanks Does not work for me. 

It is good to meet all kinds of people though. And from t here you can weed them out.

I have never been much of a dater, I guess. I have never had problems "getting" dates and would say I am attractive, but I guess i'm just not a Master Dater, like, Unsure. LOL.

To add to that, I'd say it's very rare I meet a human I really like. Especially enough to want to keep dating.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I don't see anything wrong with having standards, Unsure. I mean, sh*t. I personally I am not going to date a drug addict. No, thanks Does not work for me.
> 
> It is good to meet all kinds of people though. And from t here you can weed them out.
> 
> I have never been much of a dater, I guess. I have never had problems "getting" dates and would say I am attractive, but I guess i'm just not a Master Dater, like, Unsure. LOL.


Heheh you said master dater heheheeh

Im fairly picky but I also have a lot of options because of where I live...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I guess I am reluctant to date unless I feel there is a possible connection. It seems most women I take out get very infatuated with me once they really get to know me. I am also better looking in person than any of my pics (or at least that is what I'm told). I just really hate rejecting people so I don't bother dating unless I think there is a possibility of things developing.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I still can't fathom dating uch. I know I am fussy on who I spend my time and money on, but you go on more dates in a week than I get in a year.
> 
> It is very different for guys. I don't know any men that could set up a profile on match and get 30 messages in a day. I also live in a less populated area than you, so I am sure that limits the options.


Lol 30 was just over night....lets see im at the 24 hr mark now and Im at 63 messages. .. though a few of thoes are me returning messages. ..

And as you know Rat I dont pay for first dates, so that makes a difference. .

But because my stuff is mostly online I don't know if im really intersted until I meet them... chemistry is a like a wild card... never know when it will really be there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> I guess I am reluctant to date unless I feel there is a possible connection. It seems most women I take out get very infatuated with me once they really get to know me. I am also better looking in person than any of my pics (or at least that is what I'm told). I just really hate rejecting people so I don't bother dating unless I think there is a possibility of things developing.



You can go out for having fun or knowing people. A date could lead to a great friendship don't you think?
Most women get infatuated with you So your brownies should be so good as in out of this world good


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Heheh you said master dater heheheeh


I thought you'd like that. 

I like your style of dating, Unsure. It works perfectly for you and it's good you put yourself out there a lot.



muskrat said:


> I guess I am reluctant to date unless I feel there is a possible connection. It seems most women I take out get very infatuated with me once they really get to know me. I am also better looking in person than any of my pics (or at least that is what I'm told). I just really hate rejecting people so I don't bother dating unless I think there is a possibility of things developing.


We are so alike, Muskrat. So much.


----------



## Jellybeans

edgya1234 said:


> Can a man who loves a woman can be so sick and rapt in himself that wants to hurt the woman he "supposedly" loves??


Are you going through a divorce?


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Lol 30 was just over night....lets see im at the 24 hr mark now and Im at 63 messages. .. though a few of thoes are me returning messages. ..
> 
> And as you know Rat I dont pay for first dates, so that makes a difference. .
> 
> But because my stuff is mostly online I don't know if im really intersted until I meet them... chemistry is a like a wild card... never know when it will really be there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now you're just bragging. :smthumbup:

Most of my contacts are also online. I weed them out through messages. Not many make it to where I ask for a date.


----------



## jpr

I always had a hard time allowing my dates to pay for me...because I know how it is for them. If you are a guy, you shell out a lot of money on dating.

It is not so bad if you are a girl. Sure, you pay for a new outfit or a bikini wax or something...but, it is not quite the same. 

I didn't date all that much, but when I did, I rarely got everything paid for.

It is sort of a fault of mine...I have a really really really hard time letting someone pay my way for anything. I never feel quite comfortable with it.


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> You can go out for having fun or knowing people. A date could lead to a great friendship don't you think?
> Most women get infatuated with you So your brownies should be so good as in out of this world good


There is nothing wrong with making new friends and meeting new people. I have a pretty busy schedule, so if I am going to make time for someone I want her to be worth it.


----------



## Jellybeans

That is interesting, jpr.

I find that most of the men who I have gone on dates with will not let me pay. I mean, I always offer to split (especially on a first date and if I did the inviting) but 99.9% of the time, my dates have told me no, they they would get it.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I have a pretty busy schedule, so if I am going to make time for someone I want her to be worth it.


Ding!


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Are you going through a divorce?


Actually I am not going through anything. I was however going through almost two months of hell, when my husband out of the blue told me he does not love me and wants a divorce - after 7 years I thought I knew him. 
It seems that, in his own sick, twisted way just wanted to test me and apparently to hurt me . He still loves me and did never wanted a divorce. "He said things he didn't mean". I just found the truth from my mother in law. 

I am however mad as hell and I will never forgive him. I hope he gets the hell that expects people like him.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> I always had a hard time allowing my dates to pay for me...because I know how it is for them. If you are a guy, you shell out a lot of money on dating.
> 
> It is not so bad if you are a girl. Sure, you pay for a new outfit or a bikini wax or something...but, it is not quite the same.
> 
> I didn't date all that much, but when I did, I rarely got everything paid for.
> 
> It is sort of a fault of mine...I have a really really really hard time letting someone pay my way for anything. I never feel quite comfortable with it.


I am pretty old fashioned. If I ask you out for dinner or drinks or whatever, I'm buying. Now if a woman absolutely insisted on paying her own way I could compromise, but I would never expect it and don't really feel comfortable not paying.


----------



## Jellybeans

edgya1234 said:


> It seems that, in his own sick, twisted way just wanted to test me and apparently to hurt me . He still loves me and did never wanted a divorce. "He said things he didn't mean". I just found the truth from my mother in law.


Ugh that sucks and that was not nice what he did. I am sure you have told him that. Threatening to divorce is NOT cool.


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> There is nothing wrong with making new friends and meeting new people. I have a pretty busy schedule, so if I am going to make time for someone I want her to be worth it.


I get it. However in order to find out if a woman is worth it I guess I would set up what I am expecting from her in terms of looks, wits etc. and then the "bad news" is I would still have to go on dates in order to get to know her 
This if I would be a man


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> Actually I am not going through anything. I was however going through almost two months of hell, when my husband out of the blue told me he does not love me and wants a divorce - after 7 years I thought I knew him.
> It seems that, in his own sick, twisted way just wanted to test me and apparently to hurt me . He still loves me and did never wanted a divorce. "He said things he didn't mean". I just found the truth from my mother in law.
> 
> I am however mad as hell and I will never forgive him. I hope he gets the hell that expects people like him.


What would ever possess a man to do this? I take it that you are still together though, right?


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> I get it. However in order to find out if a woman is worth it I guess I would set up what I am expecting from her in terms of looks, wits etc. and then the "bad news" is I would still have to go on dates in order to get to know her
> This if I would be a man


This is correct. And through the process very few make it to the "date". To be fair, it takes two to tango. Most the women that interest me, I don't interest and vice versus.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Lol 30 was just over night....lets see im at the 24 hr mark now and Im at 63 messages. .. though a few of thoes are me returning messages. ..
> 
> And as you know Rat I dont pay for first dates, so that makes a difference. .
> 
> But because my stuff is mostly online I don't know if im really intersted until I meet them... chemistry is a like a wild card... never know when it will really be there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Holy crap Unsure, are you naked in your profile pics or something?? I dont even get a single message a day! Geez!


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh that sucks and that was not nice what he did. I am sure you have told him that. Threatening to divorce is NOT cool.


He did not even threaten me. He just told me he wants a divorce, he does not love me, he does not want me bla, bla. This for 1 month and a half. 
What I did not know is that behind my back things were discussed and he was just mad at me, for many small things he kept misunderstanding and next to love harbored a deep resentment and wanted to actually make me suffer. 
Today when I told him ok for my enlightenment tell me what I did so I know for the next time things got uncovered. 

I will stay married until I get better and I solve some things I need to solve. Than he should go to his own little hell and stay there. One does not hurt the people he/she loves. Not so bad anyhow.


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> What would ever possess a man to do this? I take it that you are still together though, right?


Musky beats me. I swear it surpasses my level of understanding. However does not surpass my level of self preserving 
I'll get what I want from this marriage and then get out. He and his punishments can live a very happy life together without me. Let's see how much fun it will be for him when I really live him. 
He lives in his own movie ....


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Holy crap Unsure, are you naked in your profile pics or something?? I dont even get a single message a day! Geez!


Yes!





No lol but my profile was hidden for the last two months... so im all new and exciting again, added a few new pics, updated the profile a little. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Yes!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> No lol but my profile was hidden for the last two months... so im all new and exciting again, added a few new pics, updated the profile a little. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I need to get you to write me a profile. 
The pics are a whole other problem though. :scratchhead:


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> Musky beats me. I swear it surpasses my level of understanding. However does not surpass my level of self preserving
> I'll get what I want from this marriage and then get out. He and his punishments can live a very happy life together without me. Let's see how much fun it will be for him when I really live him.
> He lives in his own movie ....


It sounds like your marriage was lacking in honest communication. If things were bothering him he should have talked to you instead of building up resentment.

If you are determined to leave him, why are you waiting?


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Ugh that sucks and that was not nice what he did. I am sure you have told him that. Threatening to divorce is NOT cool.


Honey you know what I am going to do. Go with what he says until I get what I want. And then I will give him a dose of his own medicine. A real one. 
It sounds mean but is nice compared to what he put me through. Because he made me think I am mean, I do not deserve to be loved, I am selfish and you name it..

But enough with bad things for one evening. Let's think happy thoughts


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> It sounds like your marriage was lacking in honest communication. If things were bothering him he should have talked to you instead of building up resentment.
> 
> If you are determined to leave him, why are you waiting?


I need some things to get resolved and I need to stay married in order to get them. The issue is I trusted him to be my best friend and I communicated too damn much. He took everything and turn it against me. As I said he deserves his own little hell. 
Would you ever trust a person who would do this to you? I would not? Can you imagine if we would have had a child? Thanks God we planned for next year.


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> Honey you know what I am going to do. Go with what he says until I get what I want. And then I will give him a dose of his own medicine. A real one.
> It sounds mean but is nice compared to what he put me through. Because he made me think I am mean, I do not deserve to be loved, I am selfish and you name it..
> 
> But enough with bad things for one evening. Let's think happy thoughts


He treated you poorly. That does not make you playing him and being vindictive right. If you do this you are no better than him!!
You should either sit down and discuss your issues and see is there is a way to repair your marriage or if you are unwilling to do that, you should just leave and file the papers.


----------



## moxy

Not much going on here. Plenty if online flirting with really hot guys. I may have a few dates, soon. That's weird for me because I don't usually date more than one person at a time, but, these would be first dates, which is less weird, I guess.

My standards seem to be dependent on whether or not my libido outdoes my logic, these days. Ha. That's probably questionable.

Edgya, if your husband is treating you badly, you are right to call him out on it instead of tolerating it. His mom will understandably try to be his advocate; who is yours?

Muskrat, yay on a successful party!

I am sooo tired today, but I don't know why. :/


----------



## muskrat

edgya1234 said:


> I need some things to get resolved and I need to stay married in order to get them. The issue is I trusted him to be my best friend and I communicated too damn much. He took everything and turn it against me. As I said he deserves his own little hell.
> Would you ever trust a person who would do this to you? I would not? Can you imagine if we would have had a child? Thanks God we planned for next year.


I'm sorry, but this is so wrong. You plan on playing nice and using him to get what you want and then leaving? Unless he is in agreement with waiting until whatever needs resolved is resolved you should get on with it now.


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> He treated you poorly. That does not make you playing him and being vindictive right. If you do this you are no better than him!!
> You should either sit down and discuss your issues and see is there is a way to repair your marriage or if you are unwilling to do that, you should just leave and file the papers.


I expressed myself poorly. I will not hurt him. I will just live him. For real. This means giving him a dose of his own medicine. I am not able to trust him any longer. You are right and words are sometimes lacking. I am a very good person. I am a giver and a helper. I help people in any way I can: with money, with my time, my advice, my connections. As I said I need to solve some things for which I need to stay married a little more. I will however never lie to him telling him that everything is will be peachy and I will get over all the pain he caused me.


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> Not much going on here. Plenty if online flirting with really hot guys. I may have a few dates, soon. That's weird for me because I don't usually date more than one person at a time, but, these would be first dates, which is less weird, I guess.


Am I the only person here not flirting with hot guys today?:rofl:
Or I should say hot women in my case.


----------



## edgya1234

moxy said:


> Not much going on here. Plenty if online flirting with really hot guys. I may have a few dates, soon. That's weird for me because I don't usually date more than one person at a time, but, these would be first dates, which is less weird, I guess.
> 
> My standards seem to be dependent on whether or not my libido outdoes my logic, these days. Ha. That's probably questionable.
> 
> Edgya, if your husband is treating you badly, you are right to call him out on it instead of tolerating it. His mom will understandably try to be his advocate; who is yours?
> 
> Muskrat, yay on a successful party!
> 
> I am sooo tired today, but I don't know why. :/


Moxy my mother in law is for the first time 100% on my side. She pleaded me to go over it and try to be understanding. She was the one who told me the truth. She said that he told her and that he is just hurt (not because of me but because of his financial situation) and that will regret everything latter on. 

I am really happy for you. Flirting does wonder for self esteem


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> My standards seem to be dependent on whether or not my libido outdoes my logic, these days. Ha. That's probably questionable.


Eh! Get yourself right, Moxy!


----------



## moxy

It's a fine night for relaxing on my balcony with a sweet breeze and a cup of tea, the sounds of the train rolling and whistling past in the background. I just wanna stay here a while and not worry about work or grading papers or anything substantial. 

I visited my family for a day and had fun, but found myself exhausted; I need some energy. Not sure if chilling out is getting me that, but here's to hoping!


----------



## bandit.45

To all the male members on this thread....

Next time I get the bright idea to date a 20 something woman, please feel free to fly to Phoenix and smack me between the eyes with a ball peen hammer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> To all the male members on this thread....
> 
> Next time I get the bright idea to date a 20 something woman, please feel free to fly to Phoenix and smack me between the eyes with a ball peen hammer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, no. What happened? 20-something's are a wee bit fickle, sometimes.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> To all the male members on this thread....
> 
> Next time I get the bright idea to date a 20 something woman, please feel free to fly to Phoenix and smack me between the eyes with a ball peen hammer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Drama?

Who was it on here that suggested get in then get out again? +1 for them.


----------



## Lon

I spent the weekend dealing with drama too, also stemming from the behavior of 20 somethings.


----------



## moxy

I, too, find myself frustrated by the fickleness of 20-somethings. the 30s are better.


----------



## bandit.45

Oh, it's a cute story. Fill ya in tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I spent the weekend dealing with drama too, also stemming from the behavior of 20 somethings.


Care to expand?



edgya1234 said:


> I expressed myself poorly. I will not hurt him. I will just live him. For real. This means giving him a dose of his own medicine. I am not able to trust him any longer. You are right and words are sometimes lacking.


Edgya, you may want to start a thread in another section on TAM about this so you can get replies or talk about marriage. This thread is specifically for the Singles of TAM. Wishing you all the best.


----------



## lisab0105

bandit.45 said:


> Oh, it's a cute story. Fill ya in tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do believe I told you to run 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Care to expand?
> 
> 
> 
> Edgya, you may want to start a thread in another section on TAM about this so you can get replies or talk about marriage. This thread is specifically for the Singles of TAM. Wishing you all the best.


She has a couple threads, no one is paying her much attention :scratchhead:

Whats up Bandit!? I wanna hear lol


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Care to expand?
> 
> 
> 
> Edgya, you may want to start a thread in another section on TAM about this so you can get replies or talk about marriage. This thread is specifically for the Singles of TAM. Wishing you all the best.


Sorry, umm newbie Didn't want to monopolize the thread. I just answered some question. I don't want to talk about this either doesn't do me any good to dwell in my past.
And hmm I consider myself single


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> She has a couple threads, no one is paying her much attention :scratchhead:
> 
> Whats up Bandit!? I wanna hear lol


THank you for the lack of smartassedness.

Anyway, so me and Syrian have a great date on Friday and she spends the night at my place. I take her home Saturday morning around 9:00 so she can get ready to go to a girlfriend's wedding. She kisses me goodbye and says she'll call me later on in the evening when she's at the reception.

Around 10:30 p.m. she calls. Slurring badly and obviously drunk off her azz. She's like "Hey....blah blah blurrrrrba bluh blah blah...." 

I',m like "Oh.... I see someones having fun. Do you need me to come give you a ride home?" All the while I hear laughing and yelling and music and some loud obnoxious voice of some guy who is obviously sitting close to her. Cant really make outy what he's saying.

"Nah... I dom need a ride hmmmm. Theres a guy here who says he'll take me hmmmm....."



So I say "Okay..... be careful." Then she doesn't hang up. I keep hearing her laughing and the guy laughing and talking incoherently and other people yelling and laughing for about another minute. She's so drunk she forgot I was still on the line. So I hung up. 

Sunday Morning around 11:00 a.m. I text her: "Did you make it home okay last night?"

Silience....

And she has not responded by text or called since. And I have never tried to call or send her another text. And I won't answer if she calls me or texts me today or the next few days. 

One down... onwards and upwards.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> To all the male members on this thread....
> 
> Next time I get the bright idea to date a 20 something woman, please feel free to fly to Phoenix and smack me between the eyes with a ball peen hammer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, why the change of heart B? It seems that things were going great. You were content last time you were here Syrian giving you a hard time?
We can always send a wild boar to "smack" you


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> "Nah... I dom need a ride hmmmm. Theres a guy here who says he'll take me hmmmm....."
> 
> Sunday Morning around 11:00 a.m. I text her: "Did you make it home okay last night?"
> 
> Silience....
> 
> And she has not responded by text or called since.


Uh oh. 

Yeah. That is ... odd. 



edgya1234 said:


> Sorry, umm newbie Didn't want to monopolize the thread. I just answered some question. I don't want to talk about this either doesn't do me any good to dwell in my past.
> And hmm I consider myself single


Yes, I know you are a newbie. That is why I was explaining this Singles thread to you. Lol. And you are not single, you are married. I do hope you get things resolved though it's just that this place is our Singles safe haven.  We discuss our singles journey and not marriage.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> THank you for the lack of smartassedness.
> 
> Anyway, so me and Syrian have a great date on Friday and she spends the night at my place. I take her home Saturday morning around 9:00 so she can get ready to go to a girlfriend's wedding. She kisses me goodbye and says she'll call me later on in the evening when she's at the reception.
> 
> Around 10:30 p.m. she calls. Slurring badly and obviously drunk off her azz. She's like "Hey....blah blah blurrrrrba bluh blah blah...."
> 
> I',m like "Oh.... I see someones having fun. Do you need me to come give you a ride home?" All the while I hear laughing and yelling and music and some loud obnoxious voice of some guy who is obviously sitting close to her. Cant really make outy what he's saying.
> 
> "Nah... I dom need a ride hmmmm. Theres a guy here who says he'll take me hmmmm....."
> 
> 
> 
> So I say "Okay..... be careful." Then she doesn't hang up. I keep hearing her laughing and the guy laughing and talking incoherently and other people yelling and laughing for about another minute. She's so drunk she forgot I was still on the line. So I hung up.
> 
> Sunday Morning around 11:00 a.m. I text her: "Did you make it home okay last night?"
> 
> Silience....
> 
> And she has not responded by text or called since. And I have never tried to call or send her another text. And I won't answer if she calls me or texts me today or the next few days.
> 
> One down... onwards and upwards.


Wow? Maybe she is embarrassed you caught her drunk...or not. 
I don't want to say it but maybe she took home the guy she met at the wedding?


----------



## bandit.45

You're being very Turnera- like today Jelly. Kicking my azz about Jennifer Aniston and such.... What's up with you ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Uh oh.
> 
> Yeah. That is ... odd.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I know you are a newbie. That is why I was explaining this Singles thread to you. Lol. And you are not single, you are married. I do hope you get things resolved though it's just that this place is our Singles safe haven.  We discuss our singles journey and not marriage.


Yes mam I won't do it again, scout's honor. I am forgiven? Can I still hang out here with you guys? I'll be single soon


----------



## Another Planet

You had your fun Bandit, broke your seal too so now you can confidently move on 
It's not your responsibility to make sure she is mature. Only problem is don't you have to work with her or something like that?


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Wow? Maybe she is embarrassed you caught her drunk...or not.
> I don't want to say it but maybe she took home the guy she met at the wedding?


Yes I'm pretty sure she did. It was just kind of rude for her to tell me about it, and then ignore my text.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> You're being very Turnera- like today Jelly. Kicking my azz about Jennifer Aniston and such.... What's up with you ?


Oh please do not compare me to anyone else. I was not "kicking your azz" either. I was just wondering why that is in the other thread. Because I want to know and it's a common thing that I seriously question. You know I love you.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> You had your fun Bandit, broke your seal too so now you can confidently move on
> It's not your responsibility to make sure she is mature. Only problem is don't you have to work with her or something like that?


That's right. 

No I don't work with her directly. Instead of dropping off paperwork up her office I will just have it courriered over. 

I have no regrets. It was fun while it lasted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> It was just kind of rude for her to tell me about it, and then ignore my text.


Agreed, that would upset me, too, Bandit. It also doesn't look good on her. Could be she had a massive hangover and was feeling bad about it. Either way, you're a hot old (I kid) man and I am sure you will keep on with the keep on.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Oh please do not compare me to anyone else. I was not "kicking your azz" either. I was just wondering why that is in the other thread. Because I want to know and it's a common thing that I seriously question. You know I love you.


I know. Sorry for the T comparison.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Yes I'm pretty sure she did. It was just kind of rude for her to tell me about it, and then ignore my text.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Rude is a nice word B As AP said. You had fan and you are a great guy. There is definitely someone better for you. 
And you find how she is sooner rather than latter. 
Wow and you were totally right about not really wanting to get involved with her...I don't think is an age thing ...I think is kind of "her" thing...


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and I wouldn't text her back right away either when she finally resurfaces...


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Agreed, that would upset me, too, Bandit. It also doesn't look good on her. Could be she had a massive hangover and was feeling bad about it. Either way, you're a hot old (I kid) man and I am sure you will keep on with the keep on.


I'm not all that upset. The age difference thing would have made any LTR impossible really. I was just milking it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> The age difference thing would have made any LTR impossible really.


Don't say that. Sniff. I am still trying to bag an old(er) man. 

But good on you for not being that upset. We just have to dating this dating journey one step at a time.


----------



## bandit.45

I really don't care if she slept with another guy. We weren't exclusive. 

However , I won't be treated rudely or with disrespect. I don't care if she was drunk or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I really don't care if she slept with another guy. We weren't exclusive.
> 
> However , I won't be treated rudely or with disrespect. I don't care if she was drunk or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True B. She has no excuse. You showed concern for her safety and she showed...well nothing...


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> True B. She has no excuse. You showed concern for her safety and she showed...well nothing...


Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Thank you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're very welcome. As I said you are a great guy and deserve much better than somebody who acts like a 15 y.o. 
Let's send her a wild boar LOL


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> You're very welcome. As I said you are a great guy and deserve much better than somebody who acts like a 15 y.o.
> Let's send her a wild boar LOL


Sounds like a good plan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

@AP you've got lost in translation Some manly support here for your buddy B...?
@B I swear I wish I could be a man sometimes. You were too nice to her. Time to turn a page Let's speak about happy things. Next one?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Sorry she turned out to be a bit flaky - she's only doing what 20-somethings do.  Interesting she was drunk and phoned you  and it was nice you offered a ride.

But I'm glad you see the benefits of the 40-somethings.


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> @AP you've got lost in translation Some manly support here for your buddy B...?
> @B I swear I wish I could be a man sometimes. You were too nice to her. Time to turn a page Let's speak about happy things. Next one?


You're too pretty to be man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> Sorry she turned out to be a bit flaky - she's only doing what 20-somethings do.  Interesting she was drunk and phoned you  and it was nice you offered a ride.
> 
> But I'm glad you see the benefits of the 40-somethings.


Yeah. But I won't pass up an opportunity with another young woman if one presents itself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> @AP you've got lost in translation Some manly support here for your buddy B...?
> @B I swear I wish I could be a man sometimes. You were too nice to her. Time to turn a page Let's speak about happy things. Next one?


Ok how about don't bother chasing little girls. But he knows that.
He said it himself even what early last week he knew there was not a good chance of any long term thing.
To nice? Again he is not responsible for her so what is he suppose to be a **** or something, go all Alpha and do some chest beating? Maybe go find the other guy and go beat him up? lol that would be just as childish as what she did.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. But I won't pass up an opportunity with another young woman if one presents itself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


@B that's the spirit buddy! Love them and leave them LOL
@AP nope, age is no excuse for rudeness. And you are really "very old" by the way You look no more than 30's


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. But I won't pass up an opportunity with another young woman if one presents itself.


Giddy up.


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian was hellfire in the sack I have to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Bandit you may have explained why I am having trouble finding 30 somethings I want to date and that want to date me. 
I am just to young for them!:rofl:

Oh and 20 somethings don't interest me. Mainly because most of them are still in the bar and party phase and/or looking to start a family. I am past both those phases.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian was hellfire on the sack I have to say.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can still enjoy her Just make sure you send her home after that


----------



## bandit.45

How old are you Rat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> Bandit you may have explained why I am having trouble finding 30 somethings I want to date and that want to date me.
> I am just to young for them!:rofl:


Hmm I thought you had very high standards So which is it?


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> How old are you Rat?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm the ripe old age of 35


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> You can still enjoy her Just make sure you send her home after that


Ha ha! We shall see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm the ripe old age of 35


Oh to be 35 again....

I used to stay as hard as a Trig exam and fvck like a champion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

How old are you Bandit?

Oh - and hello all.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> How old are you Bandit?
> 
> Oh - and hello all.


46.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Bandit you may have explained why I am having trouble finding 30 somethings I want to date and that want to date me.
> I am just to young for them!:rofl:
> 
> Oh and 20 somethings don't interest me. Mainly because most of them are still in the bar and party phase and/or looking to start a family. I am past both those phases.


Not true. I know people my age and older who are going through their MLCs and are partying harder than college freshmen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> 46.


Ooh like music to my ears.

I am kidding. (Or not).

But seriously, that is a good age.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bandit.45 said:


> 46.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ditto, this month.

I must admit that your interest in the 20-somethings has me discouraged. Not with you personally. But it makes me think about men my age. So should I just give it up and look for 50+?

I just have zero interest in 20-something men and most women my age feel the same way (who I know). They're pretty and all... but they aren't INTERESTING to me. No war stories (figuratively), haven't learned their life lessons yet... Is it the typical ailment of most women that I have to be interested in what's between their ears before I focus on what's in their pants? 

I'd much rather have a leisurely roll in the hay one time in a night with a patient, sensuous lover after a lovely evening of good conversation than a 20-something who, even if good in bed, wants to go at it 5 times but hasn't really been of much interest to me the previous 4 hours.


----------



## Ikaika

Bunch of young bucks and does on this thread


----------



## vi_bride04

Well I had an extremely good weekend.

And I am so f*ing tired. And sore. 

Bandit - sorry to hear about Syrian. But at least you see the crazy now and had some fun while you could


----------



## Disenchanted

Hey Enjoli, what's your situation with kids?

Happy Monday morning all, Zzzzzzzz.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Disenchanted said:


> Hey Enjoli, what's your situation with kids?
> 
> Happy Monday morning all, Zzzzzzzz.


One 15 y/o daughter. Why?

ZZzzzz is right - she had to be at school at 6:15am for an hour of math tutoring before school starts at 7:15am. Ug.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> THank you for the lack of smartassedness.
> 
> Anyway, so me and Syrian have a great date on Friday and she spends the night at my place. I take her home Saturday morning around 9:00 so she can get ready to go to a girlfriend's wedding.  She kisses me goodbye and says she'll call me later on in the evening when she's at the reception.
> 
> Around 10:30 p.m. she calls. Slurring badly and obviously drunk off her azz. She's like "Hey....blah blah blurrrrrba bluh blah blah...."
> 
> I',m like "Oh.... I see someones having fun. Do you need me to come give you a ride home?" All the while I hear laughing and yelling and music and some loud obnoxious voice of some guy who is obviously sitting close to her. Cant really make outy what he's saying.
> 
> "Nah... I dom need a ride hmmmm. Theres a guy here who says he'll take me hmmmm....."
> 
> 
> 
> So I say "Okay..... be careful." Then she doesn't hang up. I keep hearing her laughing and the guy laughing and talking incoherently and other people yelling and laughing for about another minute. She's so drunk she forgot I was still on the line. So I hung up.
> 
> Sunday Morning around 11:00 a.m. I text her: "Did you make it home okay last night?"
> 
> Silience....
> 
> And she has not responded by text or called since. And I have never tried to call or send her another text. And I won't answer if she calls me or texts me today or the next few days.
> 
> One down... onwards and upwards.



Well. I haven't responded to any texts or anything since saturday night..... Not because I didn't want to but because my phone got bashed by me trying to piggy back a girl at a beer festival. I didn't realize how hard I hit the concrete until my buddy showed me the video. So...she might have phone problems.... LOL

Oh the fun.


----------



## Disenchanted

EnjoliWoman said:


> One 15 y/o daughter. Why?
> 
> ZZzzzz is right - she had to be at school at 6:15am for an hour of math tutoring before school starts at 7:15am. Ug.


Well just your talk about the age of guys you might date.

I'm 42, and after dating women of wildly different ages I have to say that one in particular is starting to really get my attention. She's slightly older then I am, by just a couple years, and her kids are older too. Her youngest is 17, Junior in high school and you know what? I find it very nice that she is in this part of her life.

Not to make women with younger children feel bad in any way at all here, but I REALLY LIKE dating a woman who isn't consumed 24/7 with raising her kids and as has been said on this thread before, I'm not all that excited about raising another man's children.

So I'd just say keep your chin up, chances are great that you'll find a guy in your age range that will be excited to be with you, you don't need to look for an older guy at all.

You see, most of the divorced dads our age don't have primary custody, and most of the moms do, so it's difficult for a guy in his early/mid 40s to find a woman who has time for him.

Just my 2 cents.


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ditto, this month.
> 
> I must admit that your interest in the 20-somethings has me discouraged. Not with you personally. But it makes me think about men my age. So should I just give it up and look for 50+?
> 
> I just have zero interest in 20-something men and most women my age feel the same way (who I know). They're pretty and all... but they aren't INTERESTING to me. No war stories (figuratively), haven't learned their life lessons yet... Is it the typical ailment of most women that I have to be interested in what's between their ears before I focus on what's in their pants?
> 
> I'd much rather have a leisurely roll in the hay one time in a night with a patient, sensuous lover after a lovely evening of good conversation than a 20-something who, even if good in bed, wants to go at it 5 times but hasn't really been of much interest to me the previous 4 hours.


I don't troll for young women. My preference is women in my own age group. They are easier to talk to, and just as good -- if not better --in bed, than young women.

Syrian was young and beautiful and she liked me. That was a huge ego boost for me. I was dating her as much for that as anything else. It was nice while it lasted.

It's no different than these 40-50 y.o. cougars you see running around dating college boys. Its all about validation. I wish I could say I was above that kind of pettyness but I guess I'm not.


----------



## Disenchanted

Bandit don't get discouraged!

Remember that you and Syrian were (and perhaps still are) having fun!

Gotta keep the expectations down. My 22 year old wanted to go out partying with her friends, and I didn't like it so that was what ended us.

I wasn't married to her, but giving up that mindset was something I practiced and failed at with her.


----------



## Dollystanford

Whereas I like a sensuous lover who's charmed me all evening and is quite happy to go at it several times a night. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. And I found one a year younger than me


----------



## bandit.45

EnjoliWoman said:


> One 15 y/o daughter. Why?
> 
> ZZzzzz is right - she had to be at school at 6:15am for an hour of math tutoring before school starts at 7:15am. Ug.


Whoah!

Did you just change your avatar?

I like the hair color.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Bandit don't get discouraged!
> 
> Remember that you and Syrian were (and perhaps still are) having fun!
> 
> Gotta keep the expectations down. My 22 year old wanted to go out partying with her friends, and I didn't like it so that was what ended us.
> 
> I wasn't married to her, but giving up that mindset was something I practiced and failed at with her.


I hear you. 

If Syrian ever contacts me again it will be interesting to hear what she has to say. 

Its just whacked: up until last Friday night she was texting me 30 to 40 times a day. Now? Crickets.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I hear you.
> 
> If Syrian ever contacts me again it will be interesting to hear what she has to say.
> 
> Its just whacked: up until last Friday night she was texting me 30 to 40 times a day. Now? Crickets.


My best advice, be aloof. Do the 180.

I find it interesting that she drunk dialed you while she was doing whatever it is that she was doing. The not calling thing would make me crazy suspicious, which means 180 time.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> My best advice, be aloof. Do the 180.
> 
> I find it interesting that she drunk dialed you while she was doing whatever it is that she was doing. The not calling thing would make me crazy suspicious, which means 180 time.


Oh yeah. I have not texted her since Sunday morning when I asked her if she got home safe, and I have no desire to in the future. 

If she texts me I'll ignore her, but I'll wait to see what she has to say... if anything it will be for the entertainment value of it.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Not true. I know people my age and older who are going through their MLCs and are partying harder than college freshmen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, but it's also the schedules, not just the partying. I can potentially party as hard as any 20 year old, but due to family and career responsibilities, I'd only be able to do so every other weekend. 

The difference in time constraints would probably get me in the end


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> If she texts me I'll ignore her, but I'll wait to see what she has to say... if anything it will be for the entertainment value of it.


I wouldn't be a jerk, I would just do my best to not care too much.

Aloof, calm, in control and got the "I'm fine with or without you" attitude.

She might have some valid excuse and she might have slept with another guy, who knows.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I don't troll for young women. My preference is women in my own age group. They are easier to talk to, and just as good -- if not better --in bed, than young women.
> 
> Syrian was young and beautiful and she liked me. That was a huge ego boost for me. I was dating her as much for that as anything else. It was nice while it lasted.
> 
> It's no different than these 40-50 y.o. cougars you see running around dating college boys. Its all about validation. I wish I could say I was above that kind of pettyness but I guess I'm not.


I like you bandit. And I'm young and beautiful.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Yeah, but it's also the schedules, not just the partying. I can potentially party as hard as any 20 year old, but due to family and career responsibilities, I'd only be able to do so every other weekend.
> 
> The difference in time constraints would probably get me in the end


Another reason it would not have worked out with me and Syrian is, as a recovering alcoholic, it would have prevented me from going out and partying with her and getting loose at social functions.

My sobriety is my number one priority these days, and unfortunately it limits the type of activities I can allow myself to participate in. Nightclubs and bars are off limits to me.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> I like you bandit. And I'm young and beautiful.


Masculine beautiful or metro beautiful?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> Well just your talk about the age of guys you might date.
> 
> I'm 42, and after dating women of wildly different ages I have to say that one in particular is starting to really get my attention. She's slightly older then I am, by just a couple years, and her kids are older too. *Her youngest is 17, Junior in high school and you know what? I find it very nice that she is in this part of her life.
> 
> Not to make women with younger children feel bad in any way at all here, but I REALLY LIKE dating a woman who isn't consumed 24/7 with raising her kids and as has been said on this thread before, I'm not all that excited about raising another man's children.*


This is pretty much where I am at with things. I prefer to date men with older kids. Mine is 17, so I am free to do pretty much whatever I want, and prefer to date someone in the same place. Having to deal with young kids again is just not something I care to take on at this stage in my life. I hate how selfish that sounds, but its where I'm at.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Its just whacked: up until last Friday night she was texting me 30 to 40 times a day. Now? Crickets.
> Today 10:55 AM
> 
> If she texts me I'll ignore her, but I'll wait to see what she has to say... if anything it will be for the entertainment value of it.


Even I am curious to see what Syrian has to say!

I would just let her do all the talking...


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Another reason it would not have worked out with me and Syrian is, as a recovering alcoholic, it would have prevented me from going out and partying with her and getting loose at social functions.
> 
> My sobriety is my number one priority these days, and unfortunately it limits the type of activities I can allow myself to participate in. Nightclubs and bars are off limits to me.


I feel you dude. The girlfriend is also a recovering alcoholic, 20+ years now - she stopped before uni, apparently it ran in the family or so. I drink though, and she's able to hang out with me without drinking. We've not yet had to discuss who the designated driver is


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Masculine beautiful or metro beautiful?


Heh.


----------



## Jellybeans

Give her enough rope to hang herself (that's why I said let her do the talking).


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> I feel you dude. The girlfriend is also a recovering alcoholic, 20+ years now - she stopped before uni, apparently it ran in the family or so. I drink though, and she's able to hang out with me without drinking. We've not yet had to discuss who the designated driver is


I can hang fine at private parties, dinners and things like that where its only wine and beer that is flowing. But when I go into a pub or nightclub, and I smell all that hard liquor and c0cktails? Ohhhhhh man...its hard. 

I'm a whiskey drinker. Wine and beer have no sway over me. But hard liquor lights me up just by smelling it.


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> This is pretty much where I am at with things. I prefer to date men with older kids. Mine is 17, so I am free to do pretty much whatever I want, and prefer to date someone in the same place. Having to deal with young kids again is just not something I care to take on at this stage in my life. I hate how selfish that sounds, but its where I'm at.


Yeah this one girl I'm dating (almost exclusively) and I like to joke around about how my ex and her bff lawyer (who is having her first baby at age 40) get to be miserable stuck at home with little kids while we get to go do all kinds of fun grown up stuff, like travel etc. 

I cherish the time I have with my children, and I wish I had more then I do, but the freedom I have when not with them is liberating and I like that I've got a lady who is available all the time.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Heh.


----------



## caladan

3Xnocharm said:


> This is pretty much where I am at with things. I prefer to date men with older kids. Mine is 17, so I am free to do pretty much whatever I want, and prefer to date someone in the same place. Having to deal with young kids again is just not something I care to take on at this stage in my life. I hate how selfish that sounds, but its where I'm at.


Raising kids is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, and I have an M.Sc in engineering. The total loss of my time and freedom was something I simply wasn't prepared for, so I understand you. My kids are still less than 10 - their mom and I rotate weekends as well as splitting weekdays. I tend to look for women with similar schedules so we can work on harmonizing our "duty" weekends.

Bottom line - I totally understand where you're coming from.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Yeah this one girl I'm dating (almost exclusively) and I like to joke around about *how my ex and her bff lawyer (who is having her first baby at age 40) get to be miserable stuck at home with little kids while we get to go do all kinds of fun grown up stuff, like travel etc. *
> I cherish the time I have with my children, and I wish I had more then I do, but the freedom I have when not with them is liberating and I like that I've got a lady who is available all the time.


Yeah... just one more negative result of her skank-azz cheating huh?


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I can hang fine at private parties, dinners and things like that where its only wine and beer that is flowing. But when I go into a pub or nightclub, and I smell all that hard liquor and c0cktails? Ohhhhhh man...its hard.
> 
> I'm a whiskey drinker. Wine and beer have no sway over me. But hard liquor lights me up just by smelling it.


Are you by any chance of Irish descent Bandit?


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Give her enough rope to hang herself (that's why I said let her do the talking).


Honestly it sounds like this party is over.

Give her gratitude (even if not outwardly) for the fun times and move on to something else!

I still have feelings of gratitude towards mine (younger lover), we had so much fun! Weirdest thing is that she told me that only one guy had ever broken her heart and how he dumped her etc etc.

Well guess what, that was her BF before we met and they're now living together.

I hate thinking about this but sometimes wonder if I was an affair.

Banish the thought.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Are you by any chance of Irish descent Bandit?


Aye.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Honestly it sounds like this party is over.
> 
> Give her gratitude (even if not outwardly) for the fun times and move on to something else!
> 
> I still have feelings of gratitude towards mine (younger lover), we had so much fun! Weirdest thing is that she told me that only one guy had ever broken her heart and how he dumped her etc etc.
> 
> Well guess what, that was her BF before we met and they're now living together.
> 
> I hate thinking about this but sometimes wonder if I was an affair.
> 
> Banish the thought.



You might have been. But look at it this way... you will forever be a thorn in the side of that boyfriend... knowing you banged his GF silly.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Honestly it sounds like this party is over.
> 
> Give her gratitude (even if not outwardly) for the fun times and move on to something else!
> 
> I still have feelings of gratitude towards mine (younger lover), we had so much fun! Weirdest thing is that she told me that only one guy had ever broken her heart and how he dumped her etc etc.
> 
> Well guess what, that was her BF before we met and they're now living together.
> 
> I hate thinking about this but sometimes wonder if I was an affair.
> 
> Banish the thought.


Is that a problem?

After my last relationship I hooked up with a married woman in an open relationship. It didn't last long - 2 or 3 months and it was over. I honestly didn't care, it was great sex, awesome company, with more than an average kinky angle.

There was the barest feeling of rejection when it came to an end, but all in all, I'm of the opinion that it "bridged" me over that last break up.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Aye.


'Twas the whiskey reference.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> Is that a problem?
> 
> After my last relationship I hooked up with a married woman in an open relationship. It didn't last long - 2 or 3 months and it was over. I honestly didn't care, it was great sex, awesome company, with more than an average kinky angle.


Yeah, it's a problem. Cheating sucks. Especially when most in this thread have been affected by infidelity in their own marriages.


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> Is that a problem?


No I just hate the thought of being an OM.



caladan said:


> I'm of the opinion that it "bridged" me over that last break up.


EXACTLY! This girl pulled my ego out of the dumps in 1 second flat.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> 'Twas the whiskey reference.


Yep... there must be something to it. I'm sure its genetic. 

I never met a whiskey or bourbon I didn't like....except Southern Comfort. Ick.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Is that a problem?
> 
> After my last relationship I hooked up with a married woman in an open relationship. It didn't last long - 2 or 3 months and it was over. I honestly didn't care, it was great sex, awesome company, with more than an average kinky angle.
> 
> There was the barest feeling of rejection when it came to an end, but all in all, I'm of the opinion that it "bridged" me over that last break up.


See I don't buy that open marriage crap. I think its usually a lopsided arrangement, with one spouse wanting it and the other coerced into it through threats of divorce or worse.

You may have had fun with the guy's wife, but I doubt he wholehaertedly endorsed her banging you. Ya got to be careful with that sh!t.


----------



## Lon

Disenchanted said:


> Yeah this one girl I'm dating (almost exclusively) and I like to joke around about how my ex and her bff lawyer (who is having her first baby at age 40) get to be miserable stuck at home with little kids while we get to go do all kinds of fun grown up stuff, like travel etc.
> 
> I cherish the time I have with my children, and I wish I had more then I do, but the freedom I have when not with them is liberating and I like that I've got a lady who is available all the time.


Until you have to start facing the kind of drama that comes with your partner becoming a grandparent (which as I found out comes sooner rather than later!). It's like seeing all the BS that most of us have finally just managed to outgrow but it all starts happening again, only this time we are looking down on the battlefield from our position of air superiority of experience (or in my case, the desperate clinging onto of pure logic). We know most of the answers at this point, but the ones who could use them are usually too proud to be able to accept them or listen. So much fricken drama.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> See I don't buy that open marriage crap. I think its usually a lopsided arrangement, with one spouse wanting it and the other coerced into it through threats of divorce or worse.
> 
> You may have had fun with the guy's wife, but I doubt he wholehaertedly endorsed her banging you. Ya got to be careful with that sh!t.


Just for the record, I would *NEVER EVER* (knowingly) touch another man's woman, (whether wife, GF, whatever)


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> Until you have to start facing the kind of drama that comes with your partner becoming a grandparent.......


God I hope I get at least 5 years before anything like that lol.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Yep... there must be something to it. I'm sure its genetic.
> 
> I never met a whiskey or bourbon I didn't like....except Southern Comfort. Ick.


@B wow I am sorry about the issue with liquor this is no fun. 
I must consider myself lucky than, I can't for the life of me drink more of a glass of whatever. The second glass makes me really, really sick. So I used to envy anybody who could get drunk 

@Caladan how are you mate?


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Until you have to start facing the kind of drama that comes with your partner becoming a grandparent (which as I found out comes sooner rather than later!). It's like seeing all the BS that most of us have finally just managed to outgrow but it all starts happening again, only this time we are looking down on the battlefield from our position of air superiority of experience (or in my case, the desperate clinging onto of pure logic). We know most of the answers at this point, but the ones who could use them are usually too proud to be able to accept them or listen. So much fricken drama.


I've seen some grandmothers of around 40 from Beverly Hills - they look like really, really hot


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> See I don't buy that open marriage crap. I think its usually a lopsided arrangement, with one spouse wanting it and the other coerced into it through threats of divorce or worse.
> 
> You may have had fun with the guy's wife, but I doubt he wholehaertedly endorsed her banging you. Ya got to be careful with that sh!t.


Me neither Although I never know how it is However I would like it to be open just for me LOL


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Me neither Although I never know how it is However I would like it to be open just for me LOL


Wait until you are divorced. Then you can date with a clear conscience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Wait until you are divorced. Then you can date with a clear conscience.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


B we should put an add on the net like "male, 40 something, lost sense of humor...." 
It was a joke Trying to lighten up the atmosphere


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Well guess what, that was her BF before we met and they're now living together.
> 
> I hate thinking about this but sometimes wonder if I was an affair.
> 
> Banish the thought.





Disenchanted said:


> No I just hate the thought of being an OM.


Tis a bad feeling. 
The more I thought about it the worse it feels to be the OM...you not only are being disrespected, used and tossed away like a worthless piece of meat but you are also left being one of the most massive Ahole's around. No one likes the OM/OW not even the betraying spouse cause it's not like they respect you or anything.


----------



## vi_bride04

At least I got a smile on my face!


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, it's a problem. Cheating sucks. Especially when most in this thread have been affected by infidelity in their own marriages.


Cheating?

I thought he mentioned that they weren't exclusive? You can't cheat if there's no underlying agreement signifying fidelity, surely?


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> See I don't buy that open marriage crap. I think its usually a lopsided arrangement, with one spouse wanting it and the other coerced into it through threats of divorce or worse.
> 
> You may have had fun with the guy's wife, but I doubt he wholehaertedly endorsed her banging you. Ya got to be careful with that sh!t.


Speculation. Not good.

We once went on a trip. Me, the lady, her husband and his girlfriend.

Trust me on this one - I do my research. he was aware and fully in acceptance of me.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Speculation. Not good.
> 
> We once went on a trip. Me, the lady, her husband and his girlfriend.
> 
> Trust me on this one - I do my research. he was aware and fully in acceptance of me.


And you were comfortable with him being there? It really helped you to go from the separation to a better place?


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> B we should put an add on the net like "male, 40 something, lost sense of humor...."
> It was a joke Trying to lighten up the atmosphere


I know you were saying it in jest. But naughty deeds start with naughty thoughts.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> And you were comfortable with him being there? It really helped you to go from the separation to a better place?


As you may have noticed on here, I tend to be more open-minded and kinkier than most.

I had done my homework. I'd met him a few times, with and without her. I got comfortable before we ever got intimate or any such thing.

This wasn't after my separation - that's ancient history. This was after a recent relationship broke down.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bandit.45 said:


> Whoah!
> 
> Did you just change your avatar?
> 
> I like the hair color.


Changed my avatar - that was last summer so hair was lighter. It will get lighter this summer, too. But hair is a lot longer so thought it was time to update.


----------



## edgya1234

I think I mentioned this before. I have a friend and he went through a very bad divorce. What he told me and he said I wouldn't like it is that I have to get back in the game in order to heal. He is in a very good spot right now so he might be on to something


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> As you may have noticed on here, I tend to be more open-minded and kinkier than most.
> 
> I had done my homework. I'd met him a few times, with and without her. I got comfortable before we ever got intimate or any such thing.
> 
> This wasn't after my separation - that's ancient history. This was after a recent relationship broke down.


Well C, I am new here and the only thing I've noticed as that you are originally from UK Sorry. 
It is not a bad thing. I was not judging really, scout's honor. 
I wanted to know if it help when your relationship broke down.


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Speculation. Not good.
> 
> We once went on a trip. Me, the lady, her husband and his girlfriend.
> 
> Trust me on this one - I do my research. he was aware and fully in acceptance of me.


If that is the case, then whatever floats your boat. But I think yours was an exception. 

I would venture to guess most so called "open " marriages consist of one partner wanting to go out and play while the other spouse gives in for the sake of saving the marriage. 

I'm not criticizing you Caladan. I believe what you are saying. I just don't but that what you experienced is the norm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> I think I mentioned this before. I have a friend and he went through a very bad divorce. What he told me and he said I wouldn't like it is that I have to get back in the game in order to heal. He is in a very good spot right now so he might be on to something


Honestly, there's a good place for that sort of thing. It can help your sense of self-worth if you're able to get into a place where someone finds you desirable. For us guys who tend to be quite ego-centric, it's soothing.
There tend to be other issues however, so it only glosses over stuff, one still needs to have a proper post-mortem and rebuilding of oneself. In my opinion at least.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> God I hope I get at least 5 years before anything like that lol.


I am thinking getting it out of the system now might be more painless. Though who knows, could be doing this again as pseudo step-great-grandparent in 20 years at this rate 

Honestly though, it is seriously no big deal to me, like wrapping a video game and getting to do it all over again from the beginning except you get to keep all the experience and weapons you already accumulated.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I know you were saying it in jest. But naughty deeds start with naughty thoughts.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right B, you know better Speaking from experience?


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Right B, you know better Speaking from experience?


I never cheated , but yes I've done some naughty stupid things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> If that is the case, then whatever floats your boat. But I think yours was an exception.
> 
> I would venture to guess most so called "open " marriages consist of one partner wanting to go out and play while the other spouse gives in for the dale of trying to save the marriage.
> 
> I'm not criticizing you Caladan. I believe what you are saying. I just don't but that what you experienced is the norm.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get what you're saying. I'm still close to this couple, so I do know that the wife - my girlfriend - was the one who actually raised the idea of an open marriage. Her husband wasn't too keen on it initially. It's not straightforward by any way of means - women tend to find the whole thing easier than men do. "Tend to".

I think it was what I needed at the point and time where I was. At the moment I wouldn't engage in it, but it's certainly something I would consider the not so near future.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> I've seen some grandmothers of around 40 from Beverly Hills - they look like really, really hot


My gf is 38, and looks 28 and has a hard time convincing anyone she is a grandma. They think she is the aunt.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Honestly, there's a good place for that sort of thing. It can help your sense of self-worth if you're able to get into a place where someone finds you desirable. For us guys who tend to be quite ego-centric, it's soothing.
> There tend to be other issues however, so it only glosses over stuff, one still needs to have a proper post-mortem and rebuilding of oneself. In my opinion at least.


C I have no issue with my self worth If anything I have too much of this I was never even dumped in my life so my ego is bruised. This could happen to anybody but me...you know 
I just want to move on and forget. I'm not hurt just strangely empty.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> This is pretty much where I am at with things. I prefer to date men with older kids. Mine is 17, so I am free to do pretty much whatever I want, and prefer to date someone in the same place. Having to deal with young kids again is just not something I care to take on at this stage in my life. I hate how selfish that sounds, but its where I'm at.





Disenchanted said:


> Yeah this one girl I'm dating (almost exclusively) and I like to joke around about how my ex and her bff lawyer (who is having her first baby at age 40) get to be miserable stuck at home with little kids while we get to go do all kinds of fun grown up stuff, like travel etc.
> 
> I cherish the time I have with my children, and I wish I had more then I do, but the freedom I have when not with them is liberating and I like that I've got a lady who is available all the time.


That has been an issue for sure - my three semi-serious relationships were oddly all men who had been married but never had kids and I think they liked having one around on occasion but not the neediness of little kids. 

But since I didn't have mine until I was nearly 31 and it seemed I encountered men who had theirs in their mid-20s, theirs were much older and more independent than mine. I could only date alternate weekends and they had a lot more flexibility and/or were done with the majority of their child-rearing. And then I don't know that I want someone with grandchildren!  Although it doesn't change his age or mine, it seems odd.

A man who had kids when he was older wouldn't turn me off at all. I would be fine with younger kids/more kids in my life but it is kind of nice to have the freedom. 

That's one reason dating hasn't been a big priority - the guy has to be patient enough to date alternate weekends only which means the relationship moves at a snail's pace. Not until I think there is LTR potential would he meet kiddo and even then overnights would only happen when she's not at home. Most men want a little more than that.


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> My gf is 38, and looks 28 and has a hard time convincing anyone she is a grandma. They think she is the aunt.


So this is cool right? I loved the show. I guess the reality is even better


----------



## Jellybeans

Enjo, I am digging your new hair color.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

edgya1234 said:


> I think I mentioned this before. I have a friend and he went through a very bad divorce. What he told me and he said I wouldn't like it is that I have to get back in the game in order to heal. He is in a very good spot right now so he might be on to something


You should probably be SINGLE first!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> You should probably be SINGLE first!


Yes, like the Singles of TAM.


----------



## edgya1234

3Xnocharm said:


> You should probably be SINGLE first!


I really do not want a "anything" right now I am just talking with you guys. It does not mean I will act on anything


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Yes, like the Singles of TAM.


Yes m'am! I've got it I promised to be good and behave didn't I?


----------



## In_The_Wind

Hey just passing through single life has been great so far keeping me busy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I like you edgya. Stick around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I like you edgya. Stick around.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you B the feeling is mutual You are a great guy like most of the people around here. I was very lucky to find you guys seriously.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I like you edgya. Stick around.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too.


----------



## edgya1234

In_The_Wind said:


> Hey just passing through single life has been great so far keeping me busy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi, glad to hear that A little bit of happiness


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Me too.


@Cladan I know you men all like B but hey I'm prettier
Besides B promised to eradicate the wild boar pests in my country


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @Cladan I know you men all like B but hey I'm prettier
> Besides B promised to eradicate the wild boar pests in my country


Hah! B's chin is a bit too hairy for my taste. He's the right age though, and he's Irish. If only he wasn't a "he".


----------



## bandit.45

I can't help it if both sexes find me appealing. But I don't do the gay thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Hah! B's chin is a bit too hairy for my taste. He's the right age though, and he's Irish. If only he wasn't a "he".


How do you know he is harry?? Hmmm?: Ah you said his chin is harry, sorry, my bad


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I can't help it if both sexes find me appealing. But I don't do the gay thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know B. don't mind me I am just jealous You get all the attention Even from the pretty little beast you want to shot like wild boars


----------



## edgya1234

@ Now we know something about Caladan though 
His partners had to be Irish, kind of hairless (this means bold) age around 40 and ... what else C fill us in


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @ Now we know something about Caladan though
> His partners had to be Irish, kind of hairless (this means bold) age around 40 and ... what else C fill us in


I did idolize the irish a lot when I was younger. It was all those irish mythology stories and what not. Now, not so much. It's more of a "nice to have". Tribe and ethnicity don't come into play much when I choose my partners.

Hair - alas, my paternal line appears to be filled with men with limited facial hair. My maternal line have hairy men, but I'm somewhat less hairy that the average male. I don't mind hair on my partner, though stubble around the chin isn't the most welcome hair.


----------



## FeministInPink

edgya1234 said:


> I think I mentioned this before. I have a friend and he went through a very bad divorce. What he told me and he said I wouldn't like it is that I have to get back in the game in order to heal. He is in a very good spot right now so he might be on to something


I don't think this is necessarily true. Some people who subscribe to this idea get back in the game too soon, without having made the effort to really examine their lives and work on themselves. They initially feel happy, because they find someone whose attention boosts their ego, and they think that means they are "healed," but the truth is that they're only distracting themselves, and they will continue to make the same mistakes in their new relationships that they made in the past.

I'm not saying this applies to your friend. Maybe he's done that work on himself, and maybe he really is in a better place. I don't know him or his situation, so I'm in no position to judge. But I'm always skeptical of people who preach, "You've got to get under someone new in order to get over someone." In my experience/from what I've seen, people who say this tend to have lower self-esteem, and draw their sense of self-worth and identity from having a partner, rather than from within.

Instead, I would suggest: "Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely."


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> How do you know he is harry?? Hmmm?: Ah you said his chin is harry, sorry, my bad


It was a good guess. My arms and legs aren't hairy, but my chest is a shag carpet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I did idolize the irish a lot when I was younger. It was all those irish mythology stories and what not. Now, not so much. It's more of a "nice to have". Tribe and ethnicity don't come into play much when I choose my partners.
> 
> Hair - alas, my paternal line appears to be filled with men with limited facial hair. My maternal line have hairy men, but I'm somewhat less hairy that the average male. I don't mind hair on my partner, though stubble around the chin isn't the most welcome hair.


So you are one of the lucky men that did not have to pill off chest hair 
You don't mind hairy?? LOL In my humble opinion women should only have hair on their head, on their eyebrows and and eye lashes and this is all But hey what do I know, right
@B what do you say?


----------



## edgya1234

FeministInPink said:


> I don't think this is necessarily true. Some people who subscribe to this idea get back in the game too soon, without having made the effort to really examine their lives and work on themselves. They initially feel happy, because they find someone whose attention boosts their ego, and they think that means they are "healed," but the truth is that they're only distracting themselves, and they will continue to make the same mistakes in their new relationships that they made in the past.
> 
> I'm not saying this applies to your friend. Maybe he's done that work on himself, and maybe he really is in a better place. I don't know him or his situation, so I'm in no position to judge. But I'm always skeptical of people who preach, "You've got to get under someone new in order to get over someone." In my experience/from what I've seen, people who say this tend to have lower self-esteem, and draw their sense of self-worth and identity from having a partner, rather than from within.
> 
> Instead, I would suggest: "Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely."


I totally agree with you but as I never went through separation I ask him for some advice. For him it seems this worked


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> It was a good guess. My arms and legs aren't hairy, but my chest is a shag carpet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are really funny you know That Siberian, Sumerian, ah Syrian is at a loss..


----------



## vi_bride04

So I learned some more things about disc. 

1. last serious relationship was 2006
2. His last "relationship" he was the OM with a childhood friend. I will be asking more in depth questions about this whole situation next time. I was an OW, I can't and won't judge him on this without more information first. 
3. His sex rank is very comparable to mine. One of the first guys that has been more on my level in that regard. 
4. He IS a gamer. Quite a bit. Way more than I thought. Not sure how I feel about that as I did say I wouldn't date one but now it appears I am. And I know we have our rules for a reason...

I still enjoy hanging out with him and actually enjoy sleeping with him (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz). Just feel very comfortable. Just going to continue as is, I enjoy our dates and somewhat regular sex. lol


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> It was a good guess. My arms and legs aren't hairy, but my chest is a shag carpet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My 5 year old son already has more body hair than I do.


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> So I learned some more things about disc.
> 
> 1. last serious relationship was 2006
> 2. His last "relationship" he was the OM with a childhood friend. I will be asking more in depth questions about this whole situation next time. I was an OW, I can't and won't judge him on this without more information first.
> 3. His sex rank is very comparable to mine. One of the first guys that has been more on my level in that regard.
> 4. He IS a gamer. Quite a bit. Way more than I thought. Not sure how I feel about that as I did say I wouldn't date one but now it appears I am. And I know we have our rules for a reason...
> 
> I still enjoy hanging out with him and actually enjoy sleeping with him (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz). Just feel very comfortable. Just going to continue as is, I enjoy our dates and somewhat regular sex. lol


How does one determine one's sex rank? Is there a test to take? A measurement of stamina and virility perhaps? Or does it all simply boil down to measurement?


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi, it's always nice to get a background on someone, to learn more about them. 
Lol about the SLEEPING. Zzzzz indeed. )


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> How does one determine one's sex rank? Is there a test to take? A measurement of stamina and virility perhaps? Or does it all simply boil down to measurement?


Let me enlighten you C as we are both Europeans Through trial and error Just kidding.


----------



## bandit.45

I've never understood sex rank. You're either compatible or you're not. Does it have to do with how many partners you've had? Just because a person is promiscuous, doesn't mean he or she is necessarily good at sex. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I've never understood sex rank. You're either compatible or you're not. Does it have to do with how many partners you've had? Just because a person is promiscuous, doesn't mean he or she is necessarily good at sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am a little lost here How sex rank works? Be a pal B and shed some light.


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> So I learned some more things about disc.
> 
> 1. last serious relationship was 2006
> 2. His last "relationship" he was the OM with a childhood friend. I will be asking more in depth questions about this whole situation next time. I was an OW, I can't and won't judge him on this without more information first.
> 3. His sex rank is very comparable to mine. One of the first guys that has been more on my level in that regard.
> 4. He IS a gamer. Quite a bit. Way more than I thought. Not sure how I feel about that as I did say I wouldn't date one but now it appears I am. And I know we have our rules for a reason...
> 
> I still enjoy hanging out with him and actually enjoy sleeping with him (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz). Just feel very comfortable. Just going to continue as is, I enjoy our dates and somewhat regular sex. lol


Good for you. If you are happy and he makes you feel good about yourself and you enjoy spending time with him I'd say keep your eyes open but just go with the flow. Life is to short really...


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> I've never understood sex rank. You're either compatible or you're not. Does it have to do with how many partners you've had? Just because a person is promiscuous, doesn't mean he or she is necessarily good at sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it has to do with attractiveness to the OS. He has had many partners, and all the guys I have previously been involved with only had 1-2 partners before me. So knowing he has no problem getting laid, I have to say he has a higher sex rank than other guys I have been with.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> I think it has to do with attractiveness to the OS. He has had many partners, and all the guys I have previously been involved with only had 1-2 partners before me. So knowing he has no problem getting laid, I have to say he has a higher sex rank than other guys I have been with.


Man I must be in the basement then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Off to my final lecture week of the semester, The Reproductive System


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Man I must be in the basement then.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


B just yesterday or the day before you were with a pretty 20 something girl. What are we talking about?


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> I think it has to do with attractiveness to the OS. He has had many partners, and all the guys I have previously been involved with only had 1-2 partners before me. So knowing he has no problem getting laid, I have to say he has a higher sex rank than other guys I have been with.


This is interesting. Thanks Vi. I will look up this info on the net.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> B just yesterday or the day before you were with a pretty 20 something girl. What are we talking about?


Well, everyone gets lucky from time to time, so one 20 year old may not be an accurate measure.

Fact is - the average fella finds it somewhat tricky to get laid. Those of us who "do alright" and aren't players aren't that common apparently.


----------



## vi_bride04

Married Man Sex Life Primer is the book that describes sex rank. And actually, a book every guy needs to read, especially the beta types.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Off to my final lecture week of the semester, The Reproductive System


Hehe. You can use that poster you once posted on TAM for me.


----------



## vi_bride04

edgya1234 said:


> C I have no issue with my self worth If anything I have too much of this I was never even dumped in my life so my ego is bruised. This could happen to anybody but me...you know
> I just want to move on and forget. I'm not hurt just strangely empty.





3Xnocharm said:


> You should probably be SINGLE first!


So I'm confused. 

Edgya - are you actively married or are you going to be going through a divorce? 

I thought you were going through a divorce or at least separated? Just curious. You are quite the flirt with Bandit btw


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> So I'm confused.
> 
> Edgya - are you actively married or are you going to be going through a divorce?
> 
> I thought you were going through a divorce or at least separated? Just curious. You are quite the flirt with Bandit btw


Ok just short because this is a forum for singles. I am married, my husband decided to divorce me almost 2 months ago. During those two months he made it his life mission to hurt me. I made up all the stories in my mind to find out from my mother in law that I have to be patient, that he loves me but he is in a bad place because of money. I however think living me because I am not rich any longer and he was in the position to provide for me is very low and pathetic and this is it. 

Ah is not really flirting, is an European thing. 
@ Cladan help me here please


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Well, everyone gets lucky from time to time, so one 20 year old may not be an accurate measure.
> 
> Fact is - the average fella finds it somewhat tricky to get laid. Those of us who "do alright" and aren't players aren't that common apparently.


So you are telling us you are among the lucky ones, the "doing alright" or the other bunch I bet your accent does wonders for you


----------



## unsure78

edgya1234 said:


> Ah is not really flirting, is an European thing.
> @ Cladan help me here please


Yes its flirting..


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> Yes its flirting..


Okay - I see why it is regarded as flirting. I however don't think either of Edgy or Bandit consider it to be the sort of flirting that's meant to go anywhere. 

There's nothing wrong with good clean flirting. The sort of flirting that we maybe would disapprove off wouldn't be happening right now in plain sight, I don't think. There's also something that may be getting mistranslated.

Edgy is simply being friendly IMO.


----------



## edgya1234

unsure78 said:


> Yes its flirting..


Not for me but you can call it how you like Sorry if I offended anybody.


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## 3Xnocharm

caladan said:


> Edgy is simply being friendly IMO.


Um, way TOO friendly for someone still married, and poking around a singles thread. Making me, for one, extremely uncomfortable, I am finding it rather inappropriate.


----------



## vi_bride04

edgya1234 said:


> Ok just short because this is a forum for singles. I am married, my husband decided to divorce me almost 2 months ago. During those two months he made it his life mission to hurt me. I made up all the stories in my mind to find out from my mother in law that I have to be patient, that he loves me but he is in a bad place because of money. I however think living me because I am not rich any longer and he was in the position to provide for me is very low and pathetic and this is it.
> 
> Ah is not really flirting, is an European thing.
> @ Cladan help me here please



Sorry to hear that. So there is no hope for R? I mean have you guys tried any counseling together? Are you still living together? Any cheating involved? Has anyone filed yet or is it just talk so far?

2 months out isn't very far along at all. I'm sure you are still in shock and hurt and feeling lots of fresh, raw emotions. Would you salvage or marriage if you could?


----------



## bandit.45

Oh no.... 

No one ever flirts on this thread ....

Uh huh.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

caladan said:


> Okay - I see why it is regarded as flirting. I however don't think either of Edgy or Bandit consider it to be the sort of flirting that's meant to go anywhere.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with good clean flirting. The sort of flirting that we maybe would disapprove off wouldn't be happening right now in plain sight, I don't think. There's also something that may be getting mistranslated.
> 
> Edgy is simply being friendly IMO.


Its hard for people who have been through serious infidelity to condone any type of people flirting from someone who is still married. Even "innocently" online. 

Myself included and why I called it out.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Oh no....
> 
> No one ever flirts on this thread ....
> 
> Uh huh.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing wrong with flirting. 

Just makes sure you are single/divorced flirting with other single/divorced people before crossing boundaries


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Nothing wrong with flirting.
> 
> Just makes sure you are single/divorced flirting with other single/divorced people before crossing boundaries


I probably am the only schmo who didn't realise I was being flirted with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I probably am the only schmo who didn't realise I was being flirted with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't see it either to be honest, not until it got called out.


----------



## vi_bride04

Let's lighten the mood


----------



## bandit.45

I'll duck out for now before I get myself in hot water. 

Have a good day y'all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> Its hard for people who have been through serious infidelity to condone any type of people flirting from someone who is still married. Even "innocently" online.
> 
> Myself included and why I called it out.


Vi my husband kiked me to the curb out of the blue. There is no going back for us I am just trying to be friendly and forget the hell I've been through. 
Sorry if my behavior made you uncomfortable


----------



## Lon

I find it funny how all the ladies on this thread got their feathers all ruffled when a new woman comes here and starts talking nice to Bandit!

I get the whole crossing boundaries thing - this particular thread is really meant as a place with boundaries that are mostly outside that of a monogamous relationship. I understand that when someone is not yet divorced that some believe it is not acceptable to act outside marital boundaries - I have even gotten my own feather ruffled in the past when I have seen this (but it was in the CWI section which I believe has a different set of boundaries than here).

I also tread on this thread with a little caution because I find myself in a relationship that is becoming long-term and to which boundaries have been becoming established.

But this is one place where I can be myself and choose what level and type of banter I want to have, just like each of all of you folk. For myself, if people are coming on here behaving outside of what common sense boundaries for committed relationships are supposed to be I will speak (write) up, but if there is deliberate and explicit detachment from their ex partner and folks truly are single then as long as there is respect for other people on here, anything goes!


----------



## edgya1234

vi_bride04 said:


> Sorry to hear that. So there is no hope for R? I mean have you guys tried any counseling together? Are you still living together? Any cheating involved? Has anyone filed yet or is it just talk so far?
> 
> 2 months out isn't very far along at all. I'm sure you are still in shock and hurt and feeling lots of fresh, raw emotions. Would you salvage or marriage if you could?


There is no way. He loved my money more than he loved me. He hurt me too bad. I can't trust him anymore. 
I would never cheat on him or anybody for that matter. 
I am from Romania and we are orthodox (the older christian branch). Cheating is a total no-no. Him I do not know. 
This innocent talk that you guys call flirting is helping me put my mind on blank.


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> Let's lighten the mood


I like boobies (raises hand)


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> I find it funny how all the ladies on this thread got their feathers all ruffled when a new woman comes here and starts talking nice to Bandit!


I "talk nice" to Bandit all the time. Also, I think the issue was more of that this is a singles thread and it seems newbie marrieds are posting in here like it wasn't a singles thread...


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> I like boobies (raises hand)


me too


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> I "talk nice" to Bandit all the time. Also, I think the issue was more of that this is a singles thread and it seems newbie marrieds are posting in here like it wasn't a singles thread...


Honestly, I'm glad that the community feels a need to protect the institution of marriage. If people didn't want others to interfere in their relationship status, then they shouldn't make public vows.

However, we need a little understanding before telling people what they can or can't do. Which married person on this thread was acting outside the boundaries of their current relationship?


----------



## Lon

great, now I can't post on this thread at work until it gets to the next page, lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> However, we need a little understanding before telling people what they can or can't do. Which married person on this thread was acting outside the boundaries of their current relationship?


This is the entire point I think that others were trying to make. 

This isn't a married thread. It's a singles thread. Married folks can post their issues elsewhere because we try to avoid all things married in here. The entire TAM site is full of places to talk about marriage. This is our little corner away from all that. Lol. 

I personally love it because it's NOT about marriage. And you guys know I feel about marriage. :rofl:

And hopefully this post bumps you to the next page so you can type.


----------



## Jellybeans

Let me try again


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> I "talk nice" to Bandit all the time. Also, I think the issue was more of that this is a singles thread and it seems newbie marrieds are posting in here like it wasn't a singles thread...


@ Jellybeans , my marriage is over. So in all do respects except the papers finishing I am single. My husband left me when I had no money. Do you think it gets any worse than this?


----------



## Disenchanted

the overt flattery was a little off putting, but then I did get into an EA with a supposedly married woman on TAM.

oops, just barfed on my keyboard


----------



## vi_bride04

edgya1234 said:


> @ Jellybeans , my marriage is over. So in all do respects except the papers finishing I am single. My husband left me when I had no money. Do you think it gets any worse than this?


Obviously you have never been cheated on, go through a false R only to end up divorced anyways.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dis - I wonder if said married woman is who I am thinking about... Who seems to troll the men of TAM.

Edgy - I guess I am confused. Cause I thought you said a few pages back that you are married and staying with your husband? If you are going through a divorce, you may wish to start a thread in "Going through a divorce." They give some solid advice over there.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> @ Jellybeans , my marriage is over. So in all do respects except the papers finishing I am single. My husband left me when I had no money. Do you think it gets any worse than this?


You have no idea how much work went in to the title "divorced" and then "single". Not trying to beat you up here, but my marriage was over 2 years ago. I was single only a few months ago.

And as I said before, but I think you missed, welcome Edgy A, it's nice to have you here.

"except the papers finishing" is HUGE


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> This is the entire point I think that others were trying to make.
> 
> This isn't a married thread. It's a singles thread. Married folks can post their issues elsewhere because we try to avoid all things married in here. The entire TAM site is full of places to talk about marriage. This is our little corner away from all that. Lol.
> 
> I personally love it because it's NOT about marriage. And you guys know I feel about marriage. :rofl:
> 
> And hopefully this post bumps you to the next page so you can type.


so let me ask again... who is on this thread to talk about their marriage?


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Honestly, I'm glad that the community feels a need to protect the institution of marriage. If people didn't want others to interfere in their relationship status, then they shouldn't make public vows.
> 
> However, we need a little understanding before telling people what they can or can't do. Which married person on this thread was acting outside the boundaries of their current relationship?


I guess the ladies refer to me. My marriage as I said is over. My husband dumped me. I should wait for my papers to be finished in order to be in this thread?
There is something a famous person said once" Let who is without sin to cast the first stone" 
I came here to find kindness and understanding.... and friendship.


----------



## vi_bride04

DIS - !!!! That is totally not work appropriate pics. I have to wait for another page before I can post or look at my phone only until I no long er pass by those really sexy looking bouncing breasts you posted.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Dis - I wonder if said married woman is who I am thinking about... Who seems to troll the men of TAM.


Well the one I am talking about will never return to TAM, I'd bet my life savings on it.

It did progress well outside of TAM and she had never been married.

Boy that is an amazing story that I won't be sharing here out of respect.

Rosie.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> DIS - !!!! That is totally not work appropriate pics. I have to wait for another page before I can post or look at my phone only until I no long er pass by those really sexy looking bouncing breasts you posted.


Oh sorry, I guess I shouldn't have put those up there. I have a privacy screen on my secondary monitor, I suppose you all don't.

Well we're on the next page now. 

Sorry


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Well the one I am talking about will never return to TAM, I'd bet my life savings on it.
> 
> It did progress well outside of TAM and she had never been married.
> 
> Boy that is an amazing story that I won't be sharing here out of respect.
> 
> Rosie.


Then it's not who I am thinking. The lady I am talking about is definitely married.

And now you've got me all curious. Damn. Some sh*t must have gone down for you to say she will never be back. LOL.


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> Dis - I wonder if said married woman is who I am thinking about... Who seems to troll the men of TAM.
> 
> Edgy - I guess I am confused. Cause I thought you said a few pages back that you are married and staying with your husband? If you are going through a divorce, you may wish to start a thread in "Going through a divorce." They give some solid advice over there.


I am in a country and my husband left to Spain. I do not want to talk about this. I have a councilor for this. He went to Spain under a false pretext and then kiked me to the curb. He does not want me and I got to a point I am ok with this. 
I am sorry you think I am a troller. It is kind of harsh because I am just looking for friends. This is all. 
You want me to get off this thread just tell me so. I don't like upseting people. But it is sad though....


----------



## Lon

edgya1234 said:


> I guess the ladies refer to me. My marriage as I said is over. My husband dumped me. I should wait for my papers to be finished in order to be in this thread?
> There is something a famous person said once" Let who is without sin to cast the first stone"
> I came here to find kindness and understanding.... and friendship.


I know that it is you they were referring... I was trying to get at the precise reason of why they threatened, or uncomfortable, with you here?

For myself, I am leary when new members come on here guns blaring, at the edge of boundaries, because it usually puts up my troll red flags. But assuming you are entirely genuine, which I do, and based on the way I can relate to your certainty that your marriage is over, I fully endorse your right to come here and joke, flirt, act single etc. But of course that hinges on believing that you are completely checked out of your marriage and looking for a way to move forward.

yes this is too heavy of a subject for this thread, but I just felt like speaking up so that everyone who identifies themself as single, or has something to offer, feels welcome to add to the singles thread.


----------



## vi_bride04

edgya1234 said:


> I guess the ladies refer to me. My marriage as I said is over. My husband dumped me. *I should wait for my papers to be finished in order to be in this thread?*
> There is something a famous person said once" Let who is without sin to cast the first stone"
> I came here to find kindness and understanding.... and friendship.


No not saying that at all. But you are only 2 months out. Alot can change, you may not even end up divorced. So being a married woman flirting with men on a singles forum just doesn't sit well with people who have experienced the betrayal of infidelity. 

It may help to start a thread about your situation just to have somewhere to vent and get advice. 

Anyways, back to the boobies!


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Well the one I am talking about will never return to TAM, I'd bet my life savings on it.
> 
> It did progress well outside of TAM and she had never been married.
> 
> Boy that is an amazing story that I won't be sharing here out of respect.
> 
> Rosie.


Mesage me discreetely Dis.


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> I know that it is you they were referring... I was trying to get at the precise reason of why they threatened, or uncomfortable, with you here?
> 
> For myself, I am leary when new members come on here guns blaring, at the edge of boundaries, because it usually puts up my troll red flags. But assuming you are entirely genuine, which I do, and based on the way I can relate to your certainty that your marriage is over, I fully endorse your right to come here and joke, flirt, act single etc. But of course that hinges on believing that you are completely checked out of your marriage and looking for a way to move forward.
> 
> yes this is too heavy of a subject for this thread, but I just felt like speaking up so that everyone who identifies themself as single, or has something to offer, feels welcome to add to the singles thread.


We can always verify my story with a moderator. Can't we. So if you guys feel is needed I am ready to give all my details to a moderator including my soon to be ex husband email so he/she can verify my story. Unfortunately for me I am genuine


----------



## unsure78

Boobies.... that was a nice picture DIS


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Boobies.... that was a nice picture DIS


I actually got a little jealous. And I have absolutely fantastic boobies!


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> Mesage me discreetely Dis.


Haha I could get banned just for speaking her moniker, lol. Not really. But she created an amazing thread, which grew to epic proportions in record time. She moved it into the private section (in reality because she started to feel guilty about how much attention she was getting) so something like 100 people paid to become forum supporters just to follow her story. Her moniker was Rosie, she posted a bunch of pics of herself, was super duper crazy hot.

Well she called me to come "play" with her in her thread while she and her husband were initiating their divorce. It went way out of control and the next thing I know I'm having ***** *** with this woman from Europe who has the most sexy accent I've ever heard.

Then someone enlightens me as to what "catfish" means and so I do some detective work and realize that she is a catfish. So I call her out in her own thread and she deletes the thread. Then I start another thread to explain what had happened and the hordes of people who were enthralled in her amazingly well written fictional story of betrayal and infidelity come to my new thread to find out what happens. It grows to about 100 pages in about 10 hours when the mods shut it down, so I ask them to delete it.

The story does not end there but I will tell you this, she can not come back, the mods really really do not like her at all.

And I know for sure that she won't come back here, she actually suffered terrible guilt over what she had done.


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Boobies.... that was a nice picture DIS


You are a great sport Unsure!


----------



## unsure78

Im allowed to have my own opinion if it was flirting....and that was all I stated that I thought it was flirting.. I said nothing else

Personally I could care less who flirts with bandito or anyone else here on that matter... though yes I know the sensitivity of those of us who have gone though the pain of EAs


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> We can always verify my story with a moderator. Can't we. So if you guys feel is needed I am ready to give all my details to a moderator including my soon to be ex husband email so he/she can verify my story. Unfortunately for me I am genuine


No need, we are all simply here by choice. We are all free to take or leave whatever we read here. You are not breaking any forum rules. Continue being sweet and good luck to you making the new post marriage life you want 

ps. I remember what it was like to be discarded by the one I loved and trusted... it was this forum, including this thread, that was part or my recovery in learning to appreciate and enjoy people again.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> I have absolutely fantastic boobies!


pics

and that is not a question


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> You are a great sport Unsure!


Well it was a really nice set... hey I appreciate beauty as well


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Haha I could get banned just for speaking her moniker, lol.
> 
> Well she called me to come "play" with her in her thread while she and her husband were initiating their divorce.
> 
> Then someone enlightens me as to what "catfish" means and so I do some detective work and realize that she is a catfish.


Oh that was YOU? I had only heard the stories about that in the hallways of TAM. LOL.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

edgya1234 said:


> He did not even threaten me. He just told me he wants a divorce, he does not love me, he does not want me bla, bla. This for 1 month and a half.
> What I did not know is that behind my back things were discussed and he was just mad at me, for many small things he kept misunderstanding and next to love harbored a deep resentment and wanted to actually make me suffer.
> Today when I told him ok for my enlightenment tell me what I did so I know for the next time things got uncovered.
> *
> I will stay married until I get better and I solve some things I need to solve*. Than he should go to his own little hell and stay there. One does not hurt the people he/she loves. Not so bad anyhow.





edgya1234 said:


> *I need some things to get resolved and I need to stay married in order to get them. *The issue is I trusted him to be my best friend and I communicated too damn much. He took everything and turn it against me. As I said he deserves his own little hell.
> Would you ever trust a person who would do this to you? I would not? Can you imagine if we would have had a child? Thanks God we planned for next year.


These posts do not sound like a divorce in progress to me. Just sayin.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Haha I could get banned just for speaking her moniker, lol. Not really. But she created an amazing thread, which grew to epic proportions in record time. She moved it into the private section (in reality because she started to feel guilty about how much attention she was getting) so something like 100 people paid to become forum supporters just to follow her story. Her moniker was Rosie, she posted a bunch of pics of herself, was super duper crazy hot.
> 
> Well she called me to come "play" with her in her thread while she and her husband were initiating their divorce. It went way out of control and the next thing I know I'm having ***** *** with this woman from Europe who has the most sexy accent I've ever heard.
> 
> Then someone enlightens me as to what "catfish" means and so I do some detective work and realize that she is a catfish. So I call her out in her own thread and she deletes the thread. Then I start another thread to explain what had happened and the hordes of people who were enthralled in her amazingly well written fictional story of betrayal and infidelity come to my new thread to find out what happens. It grows to about 100 pages in about 10 hours when the mods shut it down, so I ask them to delete it.
> 
> The story does not end there but I will tell you this, she can not come back, the mods really really do not like her at all.
> 
> And I know for sure that she won't come back here, she actually suffered terrible guilt over what she had done.


The executive summary is all that I wanted, thanks.

I would also appreciate an explanation of the term "catfish" though. At the moment all that comes to my mind is a certain fish that grows throughout it's life, can survive without water for an unexpectedly long period for a fish, and can be cooked and spiced in a manner that would shiver a grown man's innards, by my mother. I assume that said creature isn't what you allude to.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Oh that was YOU? I had only heard the stories about that in the hallways of TAM. LOL.


yes that was me.

It was amazing how some really talented authorship garnered so much attention. I don't think there had ever been a thread likie that on TAM previously.

People literally came in droves and paid to become members. It was bizarre.


----------



## lisab0105

Disenchanted said:


> Haha I could get banned just for speaking her moniker, lol. Not really. But she created an amazing thread, which grew to epic proportions in record time. She moved it into the private section (in reality because she started to feel guilty about how much attention she was getting) so something like 100 people paid to become forum supporters just to follow her story. Her moniker was Rosie, she posted a bunch of pics of herself, was super duper crazy hot.
> 
> Well she called me to come "play" with her in her thread while she and her husband were initiating their divorce. It went way out of control and the next thing I know I'm having ***** *** with this woman from Europe who has the most sexy accent I've ever heard.
> 
> Then someone enlightens me as to what "catfish" means and so I do some detective work and realize that she is a catfish. So I call her out in her own thread and she deletes the thread. Then I start another thread to explain what had happened and the hordes of people who were enthralled in her amazingly well written fictional story of betrayal and infidelity come to my new thread to find out what happens. It grows to about 100 pages in about 10 hours when the mods shut it down, so I ask them to delete it.
> 
> The story does not end there but I will tell you this, she can not come back, the mods really really do not like her at all.
> 
> And I know for sure that she won't come back here, she actually suffered terrible guilt over what she had done.


And here I thought everyone not new to TAM heard about your dance with the dark side. _What a gal_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dis, I don't think you were the only guy who got played.


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> The executive summary is all that I wanted, thanks.
> 
> I would also appreciate an explanation of the term "catfish" though. At the moment all that comes to my mind is a certain fish that grows throughout it's life, can survive without water for an unexpectedly long period for a fish, and can be cooked and spiced in a manner that would shiver a grown man's innards, by my mother. I assume that said creature isn't what you allude to.


A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.
Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego!

or

I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=catfish


----------



## edgya1234

3Xnocharm said:


> These posts do not sound like a divorce in progress to me. Just sayin.


As I said I am willing to share all my real details with a moderator so he/she can verify my story. 
Yes I am all over the map but this happens with any person giving right? 
I am joking and saying silly things in order to not think about the hard ones and keep me sane.


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> I would also appreciate an explanation of the term "catfish"


Urban Dictionary: catfish


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> As I said I am willing to share all my real details with a moderator so he/she can verify my story.
> Yes I am all over the map but this happens with any person giving right?
> I am joking and saying silly things in order to not think about the hard ones and keep me sane.


Nothing to worry about edgya, plenty of people flirt around these parts while on the separation rollercoaster.


----------



## edgya1234

06Daddio08 said:


> Nothing to worry about edgya, plenty of people flirt around these parts while on the separation rollercoaster.


Thank you I am just messed up. I just want to hang out and talk about silly things.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Dis, I don't think you were the only guy who got played.


I'm sure you are right. But, at the risk of being disrespectful or getting into trouble, I know that I did not get played with this one. In fact, I sorta played her. I know every detail about her in real life. I know here parents' names, hers and their careers, her address, what size dress she wears, her favorite foods, her favorite drinks.

And she looks absolutely nothing like the pictures of herself that she threw up on TAM.

She was attracted to my writing style and actually sought me out after having read my original thread (which I deleted mostly because it devolved into a terrible flirt fest).


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> As I said I am willing to share all my real details with a moderator so he/she can verify my story.
> Yes I am all over the map but this happens with any person giving right?
> I am joking and saying silly things in order to not think about the hard ones and keep me sane.


Just post a profile picture of yourself holding a spoon and I'll believe you.


----------



## Ikaika

It is funny I could lecture all day about the interesting aspects of cancer biology or the digestive system or cardiovascular system and students just sit there taking notes without a peep. Suddenly I start in on the reproductive system and the questions fly and sudden inquiry about this and that...


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> pics
> 
> and that is not a question


You're being bad, mister Dis


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.
> Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego!
> 
> or
> 
> I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish.
> Urban Dictionary: catfish


This is the first time I hear about something like this. Wow, this is really sick.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> You're being bad, mister Dis


you wouldn't want me any other way



and pics don't have letters, just images


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> You're being bad, mister Dis


Oh did you call me mister? Oh I love that. I'm going to the bathroom to clean myself up now....


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Just post a profile picture of yourself holding a spoon and I'll believe you.


Can I just post a profile picture with me holding a book? What's up with the spoon?


----------



## Jellybeans

Do men like being called "Mister?"

I realize I use this when I am flirting with a man (not you Dis, no offense, but you are spoken for anyway-right?)

Like, "Hello, Mr. Reeves." Does it turn the dude on if you MISTER him?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> Can I just post a profile picture with me holding a book? What's up with the spoon?


Anyone can post a pic of someone holding some random item, lol.


----------



## Lon

Maybe a pic standing on one leg thumbing nose at camera wearing a blue shirt


----------



## edgya1234

drerio said:


> It is funny I could lecture all day about the interesting aspects of cancer biology or the digestive system or cardiovascular system and students just sit there taking notes without a peep. Suddenly I start in on the reproductive system and the questions fly and sudden inquiry about this and that...


Medicine? University? Is a very lucrative part of medicine next to cosmetic surgery.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Can I just post a profile picture with me holding a book? What's up with the spoon?


Thank you for responding to me for the first time after I have addressed you at least 4-5 times. Was getting terribly jealous of Bandit.

A spoon or a whisk works, maybe a fork, whatever.

It's easy to do cause everyone has one, and unlikely to find a picture of someone else doing it so it's hard to fake.

You could also just hold up a piece of paper that says something like "Disenchanted is the sexiest b!tch I have ever seen"


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Oh did you call me mister? Oh I love that. I'm going to the bathroom to clean myself up now....


Hilarious and creepy. Awesome!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Do men like being called "Mister?"
> 
> I realize I use this when I am flirting with a man (not you Dis, no offense, but you are spoken for anyway-right?)
> 
> Like, "Hello, Mr. Reeves." Does it turn the dude on if you MISTER him?


No I am not spoken for. 2Galsmom, God love her, started calling me Mr. Dis in the middle of the raucous and I really liked that a lot. Then my fan club started adopting it.

MUAAHAAHHAHAHA

And yes it turns me on to no end, I like being respected.


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Maybe a pic standing on one leg thumbing nose at camera wearing a blue shirt


Really blue?? I don't wear blue. And what kind of blue? There are so many shades. Nope is too difficult. My avatar is a photo of me. At the office actually. I have nothing to hide.


----------



## Ikaika

edgya1234 said:


> Medicine? University? Is a very lucrative part of medicine next to cosmetic surgery.


No, sadly I am simply a dorky University prof. (lowest of the low) 

I teach a lot of wanna be nurses and wanna be doctors. My area of research and expertise, developmental biology.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> No, sadly I am simply a dorky University prof. (lowest of the low)



You're the coolest professor I know. And on TAM, the coolest evar! :smthumbup:


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Thank you for responding to me for the first time after I have addressed you at least 4-5 times. Was getting terribly jealous of Bandit.
> 
> A spoon or a whisk works, maybe a fork, whatever.
> 
> It's easy to do cause everyone has one, and unlikely to find a picture of someone else doing it so it's hard to fake.
> 
> You could also just hold up a piece of paper that says something like "Disenchanted is the sexiest b!tch I have ever seen"


Sorry I was busy feeling sorry for myself 
Ok I will put a picture of me holding something funny. A spoon whatever. Than everybody will make fun of me. But I'll do it. It is for a good cause


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> And yes it turns me on to no end, I like being respected.


Hehe. See, that's what I go for when I pull my "Hello Mister XYZ." There is a level of respect and seduction within the confines of those formalities.

It's hot!


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Do men like being called "Mister?"
> 
> I realize I use this when I am flirting with a man (not you Dis, no offense, but you are spoken for anyway-right?)
> 
> Like, "Hello, Mr. Reeves." Does it turn the dude on if you MISTER him?


Dis just likes being called "mister" from one of his older threads and I've joined the bandwagon. 

I bet he would REALLY like to hear "oh mister, oh mister OH MISTER" while giving it doggy style


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. See, that's what I go for when I pull my "Hello Mister XYZ." There is a level of respect and seduction within the confines of those formalities.
> 
> It's hot!


I always think of Marylin singing to JFK when 2GM or Vi say it to me. God it turns me on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH3oOVKt0WI


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Dis just likes being called "mister" from one of his older threads and I've joined the bandwagon.
> 
> I bet he would REALLY like to hear "oh mister, oh mister OH MISTER" while giving it doggy style


damned straight


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> Really blue?? I don't wear blue. And what kind of blue? There are so many shades. Nope is too difficult. My avatar is a photo of me. At the office actually. I have nothing to hide.


You missed the point. Lol, the idea is for random men on the internet to remotely control you and have photographic evidence of the things they can make you do under the guise of checking you authenticity.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> There is a level of respect and seduction


I like my women small, young, and submissive.

Well, submissive is the most important aspect if I'm being honest.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> You missed the point. Lol, the idea is for random men on the internet to remotely control you and have photographic evidence of the things they can make you do under the guise of checking you authenticity.


what a crock of sh!t

Urban Dictionary: Spoon Pic


----------



## bandit.45

I think some of you are acting sh!tty. 

I think edgya is for real. But the mob rules. Do what the fvck you want to.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I think some of you are acting sh!tty.
> 
> I think edgya is for real. But the mob rules. Do what the fvck you want to.


I think you are a fake. Post a pic of yourself with a spoon in your cleavage.

Oh wait a minute, what the fvck.

nevermind


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> Thank you I am just messed up. I just want to hang out and talk about silly things.


The ladies I flirt with usually end up trying to reconcile with their exes. So if you're looking to reconcile, we should chat. 

Hahaha.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> I think you are a fake. Post a pic of yourself with a spoon in your cleavage.
> 
> Oh wait a minute, what the fvck.
> 
> nevermind



LOL!

Pig.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

06Daddio08 said:


> The ladies I flirt with usually end up trying to reconcile with their exes. So if you're looking to reconcile, we should chat.
> 
> Hahaha.


And the ladies I flirt with usually end up having cleavage like Bandit. Hairy and mostly flat.

Oh wait, I flirt with everyone.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> I like my women small, young, and submissive.
> 
> Well, submissive is the most important aspect if I'm being honest.



Duuuuude....


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> And the ladies I flirt with usually end up having cleavage like Bandit. Hairy and mostly flat.
> 
> Oh wait, I flirt with everyone.


Stay away from me ...


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> I think you are a fake. Post a pic of yourself with a spoon in your cleavage.
> 
> Oh wait a minute, what the fvck.
> 
> nevermind


Wait -what? Bandit has moobies?


----------



## edgya1234

06Daddio08 said:


> The ladies I flirt with usually end up trying to reconcile with their exes. So if you're looking to reconcile, we should chat.
> 
> Hahaha.


I apologized for not following the unwritten rules because I did not know them. I will put up a photo with a spoon tomorrow because I hate taking photos of myself with puffy eyes. 
No I am not looking for anything other than distracting me from real life.


----------



## Lon

Disenchanted said:


> what a crock of sh!t
> 
> Urban Dictionary: Spoon Pic


I know the meme, I was just being weird and goofy. 

I also love submissive women, especially ones that take the lead in submitting (harhar)


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> I apologized for not following the unwritten rules because I did not know them. I will put up a photo with a spoon tomorrow because I hate taking photos of myself with puffy eyes.
> No I am not looking for anything other than distracting me from real life.


Take one with a cat and a fish instead. You do own a cat, don't you?


----------



## Disenchanted

I like girls that call me Mister while I spank them, those girls rock


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> Duuuuude....


Was just trying to describe JB from imgination, she has given me absolutely nothing to work with outside of submissive.

But no really, submissive is the most important trait in a woman that I look for.

I'm big and strong and I like to use it.


----------



## Lon

edgya1234 said:


> I apologized for not following the unwritten rules because I did not know them. I will put up a photo with a spoon tomorrow because I hate taking photos of myself with puffy eyes.
> No I am not looking for anything other than distracting me from real life.


No, don't do it! Just tell anyone that questions your authenticity to eff off. Or don't, I don't care.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon you're so decisive!


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> You missed the point. Lol, the idea is for random men on the internet to remotely control you and have photographic evidence of the things they can make you do under the guise of checking you authenticity.


I was trying to make a joke. Sometime it does not gets through. I understand what you were saying. As I said my avatar tomorrow will be a photo with a spoon or with a page with my nick here. I will keep it up only for few days. So everybody can have a good laugh


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> I like girls that call me Mister while I spank them, those girls rock


A new level of respect for you, I have.

That said - "Mister"? Really? Don't you mean Master or Daddy?


----------



## Lon

Disenchanted said:


> Was just trying to describe JB from imgination, she has given me absolutely nothing to work with outside of submissive.
> 
> But no really, submissive is the most important trait in a woman that I look for.
> 
> I'm big and strong and I like to use it.


If you are big and strong, why do you need submissiveness?


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> No, don't do it! Just tell anyone that questions your authenticity to eff off. Or don't, I don't care.


But - we just want spoonboobie pics. We accept and love Edgy for who she is, this shouldn't stop us from wanting to see her spoonboobies.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Take one with a cat and a fish instead. You do own a cat, don't you?


2 actually But it will be very hard to hold the cat and take a selfie. I will try though.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> I was trying to make a joke. Sometime it does not gets through. I understand what you were saying. As I said my avatar tomorrow will be a photo with a spoon or with a page with my nick here. I will keep it up only for few days. So everybody can have a good laugh


In all seriousness, what you look like has no importance to anything. I was just saying that you could post a spoon pic and it would convince me that you are real. But who cares if I believe you or not. I'm not the one calling you out or accusing you of breaking rules.

I am accusing you of ignoring me though. Nobody ignores me. They call me mister.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> what a crock of sh!t
> 
> Urban Dictionary: Spoon Pic


LOL your tactic is famous!


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> A new level of respect for you, I have.
> 
> That said - "Mister"? Really? Don't you mean Master or Daddy?


Nope, actually I think mister is the sexiest title of respect that any woman can bestow upon me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Was just trying to describe JB from imgination, she has given me absolutely nothing to work with outside of submissive.
> 
> But no really, submissive is the most important trait in a woman that I look for.


I come across as submissive to you? 

:rofl: 

I would love to know what else you think about me. 

Thanks for the LOLs, Dis.

But I am happy I've given you hardly anything to work with. (evil laugh). Mystery!


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> I was trying to make a joke. Sometime it does not gets through. I understand what you were saying. As I said my avatar tomorrow will be a photo with a spoon or with a page with my nick here. I will keep it up only for few days. So everybody can have a good laugh


cleavage too please.

Oh snap, did I say that.

I need these girls to get me back in line.

sorry


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Nope, actually I think mister is the sexiest title of respect that any woman can bestow upon me.


So - not really the Sub/Dom type then. Fair enough.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> That said - "Mister"? Really? Don't you mean Master or Daddy?


Ew


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I come across as submissive to you?
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> I would love to know what else you think about me.
> 
> Thanks for the LOLs, Dis.


Tell me you aren't. Tell me I am wrong. Tell me you don't like a big strong man to pick you up, throw you down, take what he wants from you and fills your entire body with pleasure as he controls you completely.

Tell me.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> So - not really the Sub/Dom type then. Fair enough.


These types of posts the other bullsh*t on TAM is pretty interesting. I see it. Transparent. 

Dear gawd. Are we being trolled?


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Nope, actually I think mister is the sexiest title of respect that any woman can bestow upon me.


Actually, thinking about calling someone Mister while in a compromising position is turning me on.

Master, Daddy - ewww. Those words creep me out. I'm not going to be anyone's slave and saying daddy while doing sexual things is just so fricken WRONG imo


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> I come across as submissive to you?
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> I would love to know what else you think about me.
> 
> Thanks for the LOLs, Dis.
> 
> But I am happy I've given you hardly anything to work with. (evil laugh). Mystery!


I could be with someone who was somewhat submissive in the sack. I couldn't however handle a total submissive.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Tell me you aren't. Tell me I am wrong. Tell me you don't like a big strong man to pick you up, throw you down, take what he wants from you and fills your entire body with pleasure as he controls you completely.
> 
> Tell me.


You're going weird on me.

Idk how my Mister comment turned into this submissive/dom/sub/master/slave sh!t.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Master, Daddy - ewww. Those words creep me out. I'm not going to be anyone's slave and saying daddy while doing sexual things is just so fricken WRONG imo


I agree. And on that note, something is in the water, folks.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> You're going weird on me.
> 
> Idk how my Mister comment turned into this submissive/dom/sub/master/slave sh!t.


I'll take that as a "no Dis I don't like that".

fair enough.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah I think it's vomit


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> These types of posts the other bullsh*t on TAM is pretty interesting. I see it. Transparent.
> 
> Dear gawd. Are we being trolled?


Seriously, this is the second time today you've gone on this trip. I'm not having it.

Look at my post count and my join date.

FFS.


----------



## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> I agree. And on that note, something is in the water, folks.


or... the same amount of stuff is in the water as normal, just that there is a lot more water.


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Tell me you aren't. Tell me I am wrong. Tell me you don't like a big strong man to pick you up, throw you down, take what he wants from you and fills your entire body with pleasure as he controls you completely.
> 
> Tell me.





Disenchanted said:


> I'll take that as a "no Dis I don't like that".
> 
> fair enough.


Who WOULDN'T WANT THAT?!

I have been deprived my whole adult life. I need sex like this.


----------



## Jellybeans

There is a lot of strange sh*t happening on this board lately so I am starting to question a lot of sh!t.

Sounds like some folks need to be properly vetted. 

And thanks, Dis. Respect and decorum. I dig them.


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> Actually, thinking about calling someone Mister while in a compromising position is turning me on.
> 
> Master, Daddy - ewww. Those words creep me out. I'm not going to be anyone's slave and saying daddy while doing sexual things is just so fricken WRONG imo


Yeah, it doesn't work for me at all. I do have some friends in that scene though. If it floats their boat, who am I to complain about what goes on between consenting adults?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> or... the same amount of stuff is in the water as normal, just that there is a lot more water.


No. There is some WEIRD sh*t going on lately. And I am making connections all over the place.


----------



## Lon

caladan said:


> Seriously, this is the second time today you've gone on this trip. I'm not having it.
> 
> Look at my post count and my join date.
> 
> FFS.


you've been trolling long time Cal.


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> you've been trolling long time Cal.


As have you Lon.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> Seriously, this is the second time today you've gone on this trip. I'm not having it.
> 
> FFS.


Oh are you following me? Do I have a fan?

I wasn't talking about you. But feel free to think that I was.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> There is a lot of strange sh*t happening on this board lately so I am starting to question a lot of sh!t.
> 
> Sounds like some folks need to be properly vetted.
> 
> And thanks, Dis. Respect and decorum. I dig them.


I just keep seeign the same threads popping up.

"first time poster. want to have an affair"

or "first time poster am sleeping around on my husband/wife"

that kind of stuff. They all see so similar that I think it's all the same person, lol.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Oh are you following me? Do I have a fan?
> 
> I wasn't talking about you. But feel free to think that I was.


Right. You weren't.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> And thanks, Dis. Respect and decorum. I dig them.


anytime you put the words "mister" and "seduction" in the same sentence, you're likely to get a hormonal response out of me.


----------



## vi_bride04

Well, Yellowstone is going crazy today and there was a huge solar flare on the 24th. Maybe that has something to do with it, JB?

Seismographs at Yellowstone:
Yellowstone Seismogram Thumbnails - 4/28/2014


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> anytime you put the words "mister" and "seduction" in the same sentence, you're likely to get a hormonal response out of me.




That's the angle I go for with the flirts when I do them. Hahahaha.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Well, Yellowstone is going crazy today and there was a huge solar flare on the 24th. Maybe that has something to do with it, JB?
> 
> Seismographs at Yellowstone:
> Yellowstone Seismogram Thumbnails - 4/28/2014


Maybe


----------



## Jellybeans

I just need to be more mindful of those I consider my internet friends. 

Long live the Singles.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> maybe you need to up your meds?


No, she just needs to get laid



Even Mister Dis can't crack her today with his sexual flirting healing magic powers.


----------



## Jellybeans

And Vi...for the win!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> That's the angle I go for with the flirts when I do them. Hahahaha.


Well then don't be surprised when I have an epileptic seizure of the fingers on the keyboard!

Honestly, I have a strong feeling that you like your man to be in charge in bed, but it's nothing to do with the mister comment or anything else that was said today. It's just what I imagine after having had exchanges with your for what a year now?

But I could be way off! You turn me on more then any other woman that I know absolutely nothing at all about and I can only guess that this is why.

Otherwise I'm just at a loss.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> No, she just needs to get laid
> 
> 
> 
> Even Mister Dis can't crack her today with his sexual flirting healing magic powers.


I ain't done yet.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Well then don't be surprised when I have an epileptic seizure of the fingers on the keyboard!
> 
> But I could be way off! You turn me on more then any other woman that I know absolutely nothing at all about and I can only guess that this is why.


:rofl:

That is very kind, all of it, Dis.


----------



## Lon

caladan said:


> As have you Lon.


Trollin' Trollin' Trollin' 

Keep movin', movin', movin', 
Though they're disapprovin', 
Keep them doggies movin' Rawhide! 
Don't try to understand 'em, 
Just rope and throw and grab 'em, 
Soon we'll be living high and wide. 
Boy my heart's calculatin' 
My true love will be waitin', be waiting at the end of my ride. 

Move 'em on, head 'em up, 
Head 'em up, move 'em out, 
Move 'em on, head 'em out Rawhide! 
Set 'em out, ride 'em in 
Ride 'em in, let 'em out, 
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Rawhide. 

Trollin' Trollin' Trollin'


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Even Mister Dis ......


Okay you need to stop this fahchrissakes. I'm wearing tight jeans in the office today.


----------



## bandit.45

So....

Are we going to start a big TAM witch hunt now? 

Cause if we are, I'm off this board for good. And I mean it. It's one thing to dislike someone because they come across as fake or over-exuberant, its another to get fvcking paranoid and start slinging sh!t about everyone who doesn't fit into your box.

And if you don't like my opinion, you know where you can stick your replies....


----------



## Another Planet

Jeesh it's only Monday and everyone needs a good lay! lol
I'll get mine tonight  but it's up to you guys to find your own


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Jeesh it's only Monday and everyone needs a good lay! lol
> I'll get mine tonight  but it's up to you guys to find your own


Na, I got a smile on my face this Monday morning


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> So....
> 
> Are we going to start a big TAM witch hunt now?
> 
> Cause if we are, I'm off this board for good. And I mean it. It's one thing to dislike someone because they come across as fake or over-exuberant, its another to get fvcking paranoid and start slinging sh!t about everyone who doesn't fit into your box.
> 
> And if you don't like my opinion, you know where you can stick your replies....


pic?


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Trollin' Trollin' Trollin'
> 
> Keep movin', movin', movin',
> Though they're disapprovin',
> Keep them doggies movin' Rawhide!
> Don't try to understand 'em,
> Just rope and throw and grab 'em,
> Soon we'll be living high and wide.
> Boy my heart's calculatin'
> My true love will be waitin', be waiting at the end of my ride.
> 
> Move 'em on, head 'em up,
> Head 'em up, move 'em out,
> Move 'em on, head 'em out Rawhide!
> Set 'em out, ride 'em in
> Ride 'em in, let 'em out,
> Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Rawhide.
> 
> Trollin' Trollin' Trollin'


What's this then?

What's it with some of you here and all this aggression to newcomers anyway?

I'm not going to be long here, never mind. Too much work and borderline hostility is enough to keep me away.


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> What's this then?
> 
> What's it with some of you here and all this aggression to newcomers anyway?
> 
> I'm not going to be long here, never mind. Too much work and borderline hostility is enough to keep me away.


pic?


----------



## Lon

bandit.45 said:


> So....
> 
> Are we going to start a big TAM witch hunt now?
> 
> Cause if we are, I'm off this board for good. And I mean it. It's one thing to dislike someone because they come across as fake or over-exuberant, its another to get fvcking paranoid and start slinging sh!t about everyone who doesn't fit into your box.
> 
> And if you don't like my opinion, you know where you can stick your replies....


I posted those lyrics because that song is going through my head over and over - and I don't even think that is applicable or relevant to anything I've read or written today. i just want you all to suffer with me and that song.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> So....
> 
> Are we going to start a big TAM witch hunt now?
> 
> Cause if we are, I'm off this board for good. And I mean it. It's one thing to dislike someone because they come across as fake or over-exuberant, its another to get fvcking paranoid and start slinging sh!t about everyone who doesn't fit into your box.
> 
> And if you don't like my opinion, you know where you can stick your replies....


It's ridiculous. Always the same set of people, all the time. I've only been on here for two weeks, and it feels like I'm on the defensive the entire time. To hell with that.


----------



## Lon

caladan said:


> What's this then?
> 
> What's it with some of you here and all this aggression to newcomers anyway?
> 
> I'm not going to be long here, never mind. Too much work and borderline hostility is enough to keep me away.


dude, chill (nobody is getting my ridiculously sarcastic humor at all today).

maybe I should go for a walk and keep enjoying my dumb jokes all by myself.


----------



## Disenchanted

Here's a little something, my mommy sent me this piece of paper. She has this thing where you rip off a piece of paper every day and you get a new daily bit of advice. So she sends them to me once in a while, and this is the one I am sharing with you all today:

"Take charge of your attitude, don't let someone else decide it for you".

You all are a bunch of cranky ass punk phucks.

Cheer the phuck up and send me a pic.

And Edgy A, there's one thing I'd like to share with you that a lot of us are told when we come here during hard times and suffering: "here at TAM you gotta take what you can use and leave the rest".

If someone says something to you that you don't like, just phucking ignore them. And I ask everyone for pics, in case you didn't notice.

Now let's all take our clothes off and dance around the fire.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> So....
> 
> Are we going to start a big TAM witch hunt now?
> 
> Cause if we are, I'm off this board for good. And I mean it. It's one thing to dislike someone because they come across as fake or over-exuberant, its another to get fvcking paranoid and start slinging sh!t about everyone who doesn't fit into your box.
> 
> And if you don't like my opinion, you know where you can stick your replies....


Don't get your panties in a bunch 

I know I aired my uncomfortable-ness with the flirting and am done with it. I do the same with any married person who posts on the singles thread, especially if they seem to be crossing boundaries. This is my issue with infidelity I need to deal with as I do lash out at suspect cheaters...not just online. 

Anyways I'm cleared up with everything. I never thought anyone was a troll or witch though.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> pic?


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't get your panties in a bunch......


be quiet and show me a pic of that thing you were describing before


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Here's a little something, my mommy sent me this piece of paper. She has this thing where you rip off a piece of paper every day and you get a new daily bit of advice. So she sends them to me once in a while, and this is the one I am sharing with you all today:
> 
> "Take charge of your attitude, don't let someone else decide it for you".
> 
> You all are a bunch of cranky ass punk phucks.
> 
> Cheer the phuck up and send me a pic.
> 
> And Edgy A, there's one thing I'd like to share with you that a lot of us are told when we come here during hard times and suffering: "here at TAM you gotta take what you can use and leave the rest".
> 
> If someone says something to you that you don't like, just phucking ignore them. And I ask everyone for pics, in case you didn't notice.
> 
> Now let's all take our clothes off and dance around the fire.


Life is short. Enjoy it. I mean Yellowstone could blow any second now. DIDN'T YOU SEE THE CHARTS???!! 

Not to mention ***ushima is ongoing as well as WIPP leaking and the Ukraine war. 

And here we all are fighting anonymously over the internet.


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Here's a little something, my mommy sent me this piece of paper. She has this thing where you rip off a piece of paper every day and you get a new daily bit of advice. So she sends them to me once in a while, and this is the one I am sharing with you all today:
> 
> "Take charge of your attitude, don't let someone else decide it for you".
> 
> You all are a bunch of cranky ass punk phucks.
> 
> Cheer the phuck up and send me a pic.
> 
> And Edgy A, there's one thing I'd like to share with you that a lot of us are told when we come here during hard times and suffering: "here at TAM you gotta take what you can use and leave the rest".
> 
> If someone says something to you that you don't like, just phucking ignore them. And I ask everyone for pics, in case you didn't notice.
> 
> Now let's all take our clothes off and dance around the fire.


Thank you for the advice and nice word but I will pass dancing around the fire In my country we usually sing around the fire. Or better said someone that has artistic talent and a guitar sings with a bunch of us listening. I didn't do this since I was a student though


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


>


that's better


----------



## bandit.45

You think I ought to post this to my profile page?


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> I will pass dancing around the fire


sh!t


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> You think I ought to post this to my profile page?


Abso-fckin-lutely. :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


>


If that is you, you look like a buddy of mine from the Navy. Although he was from CT originally. Awesome pic


----------



## Disenchanted

drerio said:


> If that is you, you look like a buddy of mine from the Navy. Although he was from CT originally. Awesome pic


See that? Pics make everything better.


----------



## Ikaika

Disenchanted said:


> See that? Pics make everything better.


That is only if you are under the age of 50. Anyone over that age and one cannot be responsible for broken monitors, iPhone or iPad screens, etc


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Abso-fckin-lutely. :smthumbup:


I second, hear hear


----------



## coffee4me

Bravo.. I have really enjoyed reading this thread this afternoon . It's been quite entertaining. 
Drama - and a happy ending .


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> Bravo.. I have really enjoyed reading this thread this afternoon . It's been quite entertaining.
> Drama - and a happy ending .


Which kind of happy ending? Cause I didn't feel anything.


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> Bravo.. I have really enjoyed reading this thread this afternoon . It's been quite entertaining.
> Drama - and a happy ending .


Speaking of internet crushes! HI C4M!!

I MISS YOU!!!! Haven't seen you in forever! How are you beautiful lady? 

SMOOCHHH hubba hubba hubba


----------



## COGypsy

Lon said:


> I posted those lyrics because that song is going through my head over and over - and I don't even think that is applicable or relevant to anything I've read or written today. i just want you all to suffer with me and that song.


I'm just glad I'm not the only one making up silly songs in their head today. Although I'm pretty sure mine are coming from the Percoset....


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> Speaking of internet crushes! HI C4M!!
> 
> I MISS YOU!!!! Haven't seen you in forever! How are you beautiful lady?
> 
> SMOOCHHH hubba hubba hubba


I'm well Dis. although I admit I want to call you buster instead of mister  

You know like - listen buster 

I've been here , just lurk on this thread you know gathering info for the day when I have to face the dating game . 

Big SMOOCH back at ya !


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> I'm well Dis. although I admit I want to call you buster instead of mister
> 
> You know like - listen buster


Thank you for that! Now I can get up from my desk again. You have fixed that which Vi broke. Was getting uncomfortable.

Buster does not "do it" for me.


----------



## muskrat

What the heck is going on in this thread today, so much volatility.

Geez, lets all just be happy! And would someone please call me Mister already!!:smthumbup: 
Just don't ever call me master or worse yet Daddy, I'm not your freakin father for pete's sake. The idea of someone calling me daddy in a seductive way just creeps me out. It would make me feel like a pedophile and that is disgusting.


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> What the heck is going on in this thread today, so much volatility.
> 
> Geez, lets all just be happy! And would someone please call me Mister already!!:smthumbup:
> Just don't ever call me master or worse yet Daddy, I'm not your freakin father for pete's sake. The idea of someone calling me daddy in a seductive way just creeps me out. It would make me feel like a pedophile and that is disgusting.


I still call my father Daddy. And I'm over 40.

But yeah, it doesn't work for me at all.


----------



## coffee4me

I actually did have a question for bandit: 

I don't drink and when I put myself on a dating site (was merely a test run a few years ago) I got a few men who were recovering alcoholics. I suppose the fact that I don't drink appealed to them. 

Would it be easier for you to date someone who didnt drink? 

I'm still not sure if I could be compatible with someone that had a previous addiction to anything because I have no experience with addiction.


----------



## caladan

coffee4me said:


> I actually did have a question for bandit:
> 
> I don't drink and when I put myself on a dating site (was merely a test run a few years ago) I got a few men who were recovering alcoholics. I suppose the fact that I don't drink appealed to them.
> 
> Would it be easier for you to date someone who didnt drink?
> 
> I'm still not sure if I could be compatible with someone that had a previous addiction to anything because I have no experience with addiction.


Hmm. I know the GF dated almost exclusively within the AA circles for a long time. She even met her ex-husband there.


----------



## Disenchanted

Good lord I have been completely neglecting my thread. I just went to it though and read the first few pages. So weird. At least half of the posts from a huge assortment of different people have been deleted, so weird. I don't get it. It's not like one person went in there and deleted their posts, a bunch of people did! It looks like one big thread of me just talking to myself, WTF?!?!??!

I feel so discarded!


----------



## coffee4me

If they deleted their posts aren't they discarding themselves not you?


----------



## Disenchanted

OMFG even FrenchFry deleted her posts from my thread! It's gone! WTF?!??!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/144057-disenchanted-says-goodbye-13.html#post5901970


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> I actually did have a question for bandit:
> 
> I don't drink and when I put myself on a dating site (was merely a test run a few years ago) I got a few men who were recovering alcoholics. I suppose the fact that I don't drink appealed to them.
> 
> Would it be easier for you to date someone who didnt drink?
> 
> I'm still not sure if I could be compatible with someone that had a previous addiction to anything because I have no experience with addiction.


My alcoholism is mine to own. I'm respobsible for my sobriety. When I'm with someone who is drinking, I do a kind of self monitoring. If I see myself start to act out, I have strategies standing by to guide myself through it. If that doesn't work I just walk away and go be by myself for a few moments. If I'm triggering really badly I call one of my sponsors and they talk me through it. That's how I do it. Dinners and small parties don't really get to me, but bars are a no no. If you were my date I would have no problem with you drinking. 

As for staying away from alcoholics and addicts? You're smart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

Thank you for answering bandit. It gives me some insight. 

But it does make me think it would be easier for someone monitoring themselves to date someone like myself. Because I never go to bars or drink and many times it makes me uncomfortable to be around people that do. I'm socially retarded in situations where people are drinking.


----------



## Disenchanted

I could quit drinking for a night...


Just sayin'


----------



## unsure78

Post more boobs.....please

Nice looking boobs make us all happy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> I could quit drinking for a night...
> 
> 
> Just sayin'


I'm more concerned with your smoking than drinking.


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> I'm more concerned with your smoking than drinking.


I QUIT!!! I REALLY REALLY QUIT C4M!

I am now a non smoker, thank GOD!!!

So, I got one question before you give me your number......




what's your number?


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Post more boobs.....please
> 
> Nice looking boobs make us all happy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know how to take orders!


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> Thank you for answering bandit. It gives me some insight.
> 
> But it does make me think it would be easier for someone monitoring themselves to date someone like myself. Because I never go to bars or drink and many times it makes me uncomfortable to be around people that do. I'm socially retarded in situations where people are drinking.


I would date you in a heartbeat, because you are safe and would I would not be tempted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> I QUIT!!! I REALLY REALLY QUIT C4M!
> 
> I am now a non smoker, thank GOD!!!
> 
> So, I got one question before you give me your number......
> 
> 
> 
> 
> what's your number?


YAY!!! That made me SMILE . Good for you!!!


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I would date you in a heartbeat, because you are safe and would I would not be tempted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She tempts me to do all kinds of naug....

oh wait you were talking about drinking


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> dude, chill (nobody is getting my ridiculously sarcastic humor at all today).
> 
> maybe I should go for a walk and keep enjoying my dumb jokes all by myself.


This made me laugh because NOBODY finds my jokes amusing!

But that is all and dandy since I Enjoy my funny side tremendously.

Btw, I just woke up from a delightful dream....


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> That made me SMILE .


I couldn't hope for more then that!

Now it doesn't taste like a gross yucky ashtray when I give you one of these:

SMOOOOCHHHHHH


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> This made me laugh because NOBODY finds my jokes amusing!
> 
> But that is all and dandy since I Enjoy my funny side tremendously.


Hey NE is here! NOW IT"S A PARTY!!!!




ne9907 said:


> Btw, I just woke up from a delightful dream....


OH? Do tell!


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> I couldn't hope for more then that!
> 
> Now it doesn't taste like a gross yucky asshtray when I give you one of these:
> 
> SMOOOOCHHHHHH


Awwww... Kisses now they will taste sweet 

I never kissed anyone who smoked - thanks for that image. Yuck


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Hey NE is here! NOW IT"S A PARTY!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OH? Do tell!


The kid looks like his auditioning for home alone


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> I would date you in a heartbeat, because you are safe and would I would not be tempted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm too old for you lol! 
I'm starting to think of dating age for me like dog years. I'm 47 + 7 years and only a man around 54 would really be interested in dating me. .


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Hey NE is here! NOW IT"S A PARTY!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OH? Do tell!


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I missed all the fun!!! Again

I dreamt I was superman-like hero, saved a kid from committing suicide, dismantled a mind-controlling cult, went on a run (but people were annoying me), and had ate watermelon with blue eyes at a Honduran's lady home.

I really do enjoy my dreams 

Oh STAGECOACH was pretty ****ing awesome! Cant wait to do it next year


----------



## edgya1234

ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> I missed all the fun!!! Again
> 
> I dreamt I was superman-like hero, saved a kid from committing suicide, dismantled a mind-controlling cult, went on a run (but people were annoying me), and had ate watermelon with blue eyes at a Honduran's lady home.
> 
> I really do enjoy my dreams
> 
> Oh STAGECOACH was pretty ****ing awesome! Cant wait to do it next year


You sure you've slept through all the above? Was not some new movie?


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> I missed all the fun!!! Again
> 
> I dreamt I was superman-like hero, saved a kid from committing suicide, dismantled a mind-controlling cult, went on a run (but people were annoying me), and had ate watermelon with blue eyes at a Honduran's lady home.
> 
> I really do enjoy my dreams
> 
> Oh STAGECOACH was pretty ****ing awesome! Cant wait to do it next year


Were you wearing a like a WonderWoman outfit in your dream? Hmm?


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> I'm too old for you lol!
> I'm starting to think of dating age for me like dog years. I'm 47 + 7 years and only a man around 54 would really be interested in dating me. .


If you're hot you're hot. Age is meaningless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

edgya1234 said:


> You sure you've slept through all the above? Was not some new movie?


:lol:

It was a dream, I absolutely love my dreams, they feel so realistic, in color and make me happy~


----------



## coffee4me

Wonder Woman was awesome


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Were you wearing a like a WonderWoman outfit in your dream? Hmm?


Oh yes I was Mister (read somewhere you like being called that)
leather whip completed the ensemble.
JK. I was wearing cut off shorts, Merrell hiking shoes, and a tank top. silly superhero outfit.... Dream department had to implement costume costs, you know...


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Were you wearing a like a WonderWoman outfit in your dream? Hmm?


I thought the dream was about you wearing that outfit, dam those language barriers are tough


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> If you're hot you're hot. Age is meaningless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BTW Bandit, you have very beautiful eyes!

I always thought you were Mexican American, boy was I wrong!


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Oh yes I was Mister (read somewhere you like being called that)
> leather whip completed the ensemble.
> JK. I was wearing cut off shorts, Merrell hiking shoes, and a tank top. silly superhero outfit.... Dream department had to implement costume costs, you know...


No no no

When you call me just "Mister" it sounds like a little girl asking for directions, but when you call me "Mister Dis" or something like that it sounds like you are a phucking angel sent from heaven.


----------



## edgya1234

ne9907 said:


> Oh yes I was Mister (read somewhere you like being called that)
> leather whip completed the ensemble.
> JK. I was wearing cut off shorts, Merrell hiking shoes, and a tank top. silly superhero outfit.... Dream department had to implement costume costs, you know...


We totally understand, with the economy recovering so slowly I am amazed you still dream in colors though, with all the cost cut it should be black and white


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> If you're hot you're hot. Age is meaningless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one. 

I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> No no no
> 
> When you call me just "Mister" it sounds like a little girl asking for directions, but when you call me "Mister Dis" or something like that it sounds like you are a phucking angel sent from heaven.


However an angel being several millennia old will call you Son not Mister


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one.
> 
> I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM


Yeah but you might have missed the most important part of sex ranking for a woman.

If you put out it automatically increases your sex rank exponentially.

I quit smoking wink wink.


----------



## edgya1234

coffee4me said:


> Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one.
> 
> I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM


This with the career I did not know. However Hollywood is showing us some very hot women in their +40 +50 like Demi Moore and so on So I am with B on this if you are beautiful you just are And from what you write it seems you are.


----------



## unsure78

All nice boob pics....

Lol oh wait I have my own nice ones too look at 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> However an angel being several millennia old will call you Son not Mister


Not this kind of angel:


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> All nice boob pics....
> 
> Lol oh wait I have my own nice ones too look at
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know I have to say this, I have no choice in the matter.

PICS?


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Not this kind of angel:


 I rest my case You right


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one.
> 
> I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM


No, at your age the sex rank of your demographic may go down for those in the age groups underneath you. But individually your sex rank is entirely under your own control. No excuses, so work it beautiful. If you are gonna read sh!t on TAM atleast get it right!

edit, actually no, it has nothing to do with your demographic even - if people have low sex rank its only because they don't care about it. Sexy people come in all ages, there are even sexy 80 year olds out there (though coming from a guy with a totally hot GILF I may be biased) beyond 80 they probably are out there too, but I don't see it as much because I don't live in a seniors complex (yet).


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> You know I have to say this, I have no choice in the matter.
> 
> PICS?


Ummm you can see my pics dis... I have at least one that shows I have nice boobs...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> All nice boob pics....
> 
> Lol oh wait I have my own nice ones too look at
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Speaking of boobs... mine looked awesome this weekend.

Some drunken frat boy even said to me "I love your boobs"

Oh, and I saw a woman pee in front of everyone, but the weird thing was that her tampon just slid out of her vagina while she was peeing.... weirder still she left it there....:scratchhead:

EDIT: She left the tampon on the ground, not her vagina


----------



## Jellybeans

I liked your story til I got to the end, Ne. LOL

Boobs make the world go round!


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Ummm you can see my pics dis... I have at least one that shows I have nice boobs...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just because I can see that you have nice boobs doesn't mean that I can see your boobs!

And yes you have pretty nice boobs, they're alright I guess.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> though coming from a guy with a totally hot GILF


Dude you really wanna do that to your grandmother?


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> speaking of boobs... Mine looked awesome this weekend.


omfg pics?!??!?!



ne9907 said:


> her tampon just slid out of her vagina while she was peeing


omfg no pics!!!


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Just because I can see that you have nice boobs doesn't mean that I can see your boobs!
> 
> And yes you have pretty nice boobs, they're alright I guess.


Lol as I was told once... your boobs are big enough, they fill my hand and I have big hands. ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Lol as I was told once... your boobs are big enough, they fill my hand and I have big hands. ...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really like the direction this convo is going, do go on


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> Yeah but you might have missed the most important part of sex ranking for a woman.
> 
> If you put out it automatically increases your sex rank exponentially.
> 
> I quit smoking wink wink.


Really! I can still increase my sex rank ?!! All I have to do is.... 

Wait I'm not falling for that


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, shoot. I am feeling a little left out here.

I have nice boobs, too. Someone asked if my girls were real not too long ago.

And that, my friends, is Victoria's secret. 

LOL

And DIS' posts are coming across as a teenager who has never seen boobs before. LOL


----------



## Ikaika

coffee4me said:


> Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one.
> 
> I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM



Sex rankings to me always sounded a bit like Dante's inferno in reverse. Just watch where you land and don't get burned


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Well, shoot. I am feeling a little left out here.
> 
> I have nice boobs, too. Someone asked if my girls were real not too long ago.
> 
> And that, my friends, is Victoria's Secret.
> 
> LOL
> 
> And DIS post are coming across as a teenager who has never seen boobs before. LOL


If being a teenager who has never seen boobs before works in getting pics then all I have to say is.....


PICS?!?!?!?!?


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> I really like the direction this convo is going, do go on


Then he told me I have the cutest little a$$ ever.... After he saw it in all my glory...

I will continue with the best body compliments I have recived if you like...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Then he told me I have the cutest little a$$ ever.... After he saw it in all my glory...
> 
> I will continue with the best body compliments I have recived if you like...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, and perhaps you could provide some visual aids to go with the story.......

I thought for sure that when I insulted your ass a few months back you'd put up an ass pick, no luck!

Anyway, do go on.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Well, shoot. I am feeling a little left out here.
> 
> I have nice boobs, too. Someone asked if my girls were real not too long ago.
> 
> And that, my friends, is Victoria's Secret.
> 
> LOL
> 
> And DIS post are coming across as a teenager who has never seen boobs before. LOL


Jelly you know I think you are gorgeous with a total hot bod!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> If being a teenager who has never seen boobs before works in getting pics then all I have to say is.....
> 
> 
> PICS?!?!?!?!?


Buddy what's happening to the angel, remember the dream you had about an angel You are having the same one about women' breast? LOL


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Buddy what's happening to the angel, remember the dream you had about an angel You are having the same one about women' breast? LOL


This is what happens when my testosterone therapy goes into overdrive because it's been catalyzed by a room full of hotties all calling me mister.


----------



## ne9907

Just posted my very own Stagecoach selfie~

I am loving my tan! My boobs got darker after that picture so $$$$!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> If being a teenager who has never seen boobs before works in getting pics then all I have to say is.....
> 
> 
> PICS?!?!?!?!?


Haha. Was just thinking if me, Unsure, Ne9907, Vi_Bride, 3x, and Dolly all put our chi-chis together and sent Dis an album of our goods, he would seriously have a heart attack. 

No, this does not mean it's happening. 

But the thought is cracking me up. He'd go into a damn TAM seizure.



unsure78 said:


> Jelly you know I think you are gorgeous with a total hot bod!


Thanks, buddy.  You aren't too shabby yourself!


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Just posted my very own Stagecoach selfie~
> 
> I am loving my tan! My boobs got darker after that picture so $$$$!!!


Cheese and rice I need a leather strap to clench my teeth down on.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Was just thinking if me, Unsure, Ne9907, Vi_Bride, 3x, Dolly all put our chi-chis together and sent Dis an album of our goods, he would seriously have a heart attack.
> 
> No, this does snot mean it's happening.
> 
> But the thought is cracking me up. He'd go into a damn TAM seizure.
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks, buddy.  You aren't too shabby yourself!


You are an absolute genius.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> And DIS' posts are coming across as a teenager who has never seen boobs before. LOL


Dis is cute, sure makes me feel good


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Oh, and I saw a woman pee in front of everyone, but the weird thing was that her tampon just slid out of her vagina while she was peeing.... weirder still she left it there....:scratchhead:
> 
> EDIT: She left the tampon on the ground, not her vagina


Whoa....loosy goosy??! 

Just fell out?! Geez....never heard of that!!!


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one.
> 
> I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM


That's bunk. I've met alot of women your age I would jump in the sack with in a nanosecond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> You are an absolute genius.


That's my name. Don't wear it out.

:rofl:

Oh and I saw Ne's pics of her chi-chis and they are epic.


----------



## unsure78

Disenchanted said:


> Yes, and perhaps you could provide some visual aids to go with the story.......
> 
> I thought for sure that when I insulted your ass a few months back you'd put up an ass pick, no luck!
> 
> Anyway, do go on.


Hahahahah... sorry not that naive. ..

Hmm have been asked if my boobs were real..

Gotten the "you have the best body ive ever been with" several times...

Lingerie model...

A$$ million times better than ive ever dated...

Its funny actually for a long time (post D) I though it was guys just lying, and telling me what they thought I wanted to hear... then I started asking some gfs if they get told these same kinda things. .. they are all uhhhhhh nooooooo....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

unsure78 said:


> Hahahahah... sorry not that naive. ..
> 
> Hmm have been asked if my boobs were real..
> 
> Gotten the "you have the best body ive ever been with" several times...
> 
> Lingerie model...
> 
> A$$ million times better than ive ever dated...
> 
> Its funny actually for a long time (post D) I though it was guys just lying, and telling me what they thought I wanted to hear... then I started asking some gfs if they get told these same kinda things. .. they are all uhhhhhh nooooooo....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I'm more then happy to vet the sincerity of these comments for you. I can assure you that you have the TAM member guarantee of authenticity in my opinions of the nudies you are about to send to me. I only offer this as I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to TAM for all it has done for me. So go ahead and send 360 degree nudies and I will tell you if these guys were being honest or not.


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> This is what happens when my testosterone therapy goes into overdrive because it's been catalyzed by a room full of hotties all calling me mister.


Except the angel that calls you son She is millennia older than you
Who's calling you Mister? Somebody? Anybody? 
Ah right Somebody called you Mr. this morning, than you realized that you are just not anybody but when you looked up there was nobody there
And I am ugly by the way


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Dis is cute, sure makes me feel good


I bet you feel good. Holy sh!t I bet you do.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> I bet you feel good. Holy sh!t I bet you do.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

First thought was "WTF does that even mean??""

hahahaha, you are freaking adorable!

Disclaimer: Not flirting!

Edit: I do feel good.


----------



## Disenchanted

Well thanks for all of the fluffing ladies! My date for tonight will be thanking you too.

A lot.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Except the angel that calls you son She is millennia older than you
> Who's calling you Mister? Somebody? Anybody?
> Ah right Somebody called you Mr. this morning, than you realized that you are just not anybody but when you looked up there was nobody there
> And I am ugly by the way


I'm a little lost by this, so I guess there's only one thing for me to say....

PIC!?!?!?


----------



## coffee4me

Lon said:


> edit, actually no, it has nothing to do with your demographic even - if people have low sex rank its only because they don't care about it.


I read that the 40 ish year old mom is never going to be a 9 she cannot be based on her age. She can be a 9 relative to other 40 ish women but she can never be a 9 when compared to women as a whole because her 20 year old daughter will bury her with her hotness. That's what I read and just like the thread where it says older men like younger women it is true for many men. Not all but many men. 

I can compete just fine with women my age but not with women half my age (unless the guy is a little off  ). But what I see widely in the online dating world especially where I live is that men want a women 10 years younger. I even had men tell me they made an exception when they contacted me because they usually only search for younger women. These were men my age. 

My view of what I've read is just a dose of reality for me. It has nothing to do with the way I take care of myself and how I look at myself. I'm ok and when I decide to date 
I'll be almost 50 and I'll still be ok. I'm sure there will be a guy who thinks I'm ok too.


----------



## ne9907

coffee4me said:


> I read that the 40 ish year old mom is never going to be a 9 she cannot be based on her age. She can be a 9 relative to other 40 ish women but she can never be a 9 when compared to women as a whole because her 20 year old daughter will bury her with her hotness. That's what I read and just like the thread where it says older men like younger women it is true for many men. Not all but many men.
> 
> I can compete just fine with women my age but not with women half my age (unless the guy is a little off  ). But what I see widely in the online dating world especially where I live is that men want a women 10 years younger. I even had men tell me they made an exception when they contacted me because they usually only search for younger women. These were men my age.
> 
> My view of what I've read is just a dose of reality for me. It has nothing to do with the way I take care of myself and how I look at myself. I'm ok and when I decide to date
> I'll be almost 50 and I'll still be ok. I'm sure there will be a guy who thinks I'm ok too.


I have not experience this yet, but I am sure it exists.

One day a guy will not only think you are OK, but will think you are Pretty ****ing Amazing!


----------



## Jellybeans

Coffee, please don't buy into that whole sex ranking scale and how just because you are XYZ, it means you are a certain number.

When you are dating again, go out and enjoy it. You may meet some people who want to date you precisely for the same reason someone may not want to date someone else.

You just never know until you try.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> I read that the 40 ish year old mom is never going to be a 9 she cannot be based on her age. She can be a 9 relative to other 40 ish women but she can never be a 9 when compared to women as a whole because her 20 year old daughter will bury her with her hotness. That's what I read and just like the thread where it says older men like younger women it is true for many men. Not all but many men.
> 
> I can compete just fine with women my age but not with women half my age (unless the guy is a little off  ). But what I see widely in the online dating world especially where I live is that men want a women 10 years younger. I even had men tell me they made an exception when they contacted me because they usually only search for younger women. These were men my age.
> 
> My view of what I've read is just a dose of reality for me. It has nothing to do with the way I take care of myself and how I look at myself. I'm ok and when I decide to date
> I'll be almost 50 and I'll still be ok. I'm sure there will be a guy who thinks I'm ok too.


You are wearing the filters that blind you to what real guys on here have actually said.


----------



## coffee4me

No expectations Jelly. dating will be fun I'm sure. 

I don't have any self esteem issues. Well.. If I could just lose those 10 lbs.  

The sex rank stuff I learned by reading links here was valuable info. I honestly can see where it played out in my online dating experience. I see it here sometimes. I don't take any of it too seriously but there is some truth there.


----------



## coffee4me

Lon said:


> You are wearing the filters that blind you to what real guys on here have actually said.


Well maybe I'm blind to what they said but real guys on here have gone after much younger women. So... Maybe I'm not blind to their actions.


----------



## Jellybeans

coffee4me said:


> *No expectations *Jelly. dating will be fun I'm sure.


"No expectations" is the only way to deal with this dating jungle.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> Well maybe I'm blind to what they said but real guys on here have gone after much younger women. So... Maybe I'm not blind to their actions.


If guys are going for young girls it's because those girls are being sexy. Guys don't care about age, they care about sexy. Yes some guys prefer real young (because society is in fact screwed up a lot), but most prefer closer to their own age. If you act asexual you will not attract men that want a sexual relationship, and way too many older women I see put out a strong asexual vibe.


----------



## bandit.45

Hate to break up this mutual azz kissing party, but Syrian just texted me... :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Don't respond (yet)!


----------



## coffee4me

Lon said:


> If guys are going for young girls it's because those girls are being sexy. Guys don't care about age, they care about sexy. Yes some guys prefer real young (because society is in fact screwed up a lot), but most prefer closer to their own age. If you act asexual you will not attract men that want a sexual relationship, and way too many older women I see put out a strong asexual vibe.


Interesting... I will have to ask some of my male friends what kinda vibe I put out.  

On second thought most have them have told me they want to have sex with me so maybe that answers my question.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not all that upset. The age difference thing would have made any LTR impossible really. I was just milking it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fun while it last! I hear you. She'll come back around and if you want fun you can decide then. Otherwise, you rock and you'll get more and better!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> Interesting... I will have to ask some of my male friends what kinda vibe I put out.
> 
> On second thought most have them have told me they want to have sex with me so maybe that answers my question.


Exactly, your age is not harming your sex rank.


----------



## coffee4me

Lon said:


> Exactly, your age is not harming your sex rank.


We are going to have to agree to disagree Lon . If those same male friends had a choice between sleeping with me or at 28 year old hottie- they would choose the hottie. It's just reality and I'm a realist.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> We are going to have to agree to disagree Lon . If those same male friends had a choice between sleeping with me or at 28 year old hottie- they would choose the hottie. It's just reality and I'm a realist.


To be honest though, there are likely a few other factors, namely whom is being sexier. 28 year old hottie also has a biological agenda that most older guys would be wary of, and at 28 if she has children her sex rank goes down a lot.


----------



## moxy

drerio said:


> Off to my final lecture week of the semester, The Reproductive System


Yay!! 

And, then, the grading marathon....:/


----------



## coffee4me

Lon said:


> To be honest though, there are likely a few other factors, namely whom is being sexier. 28 year old hottie also has a biological agenda that most older guys would be wary of, and at 28 if she has children her sex rank goes down a lot.


I hear ya. I know a few men who got caught up in the 2nd marriage younger wife, second set of kids scenario. They look tired lol


----------



## moxy

Disenchanted said:


> You could also just hold up a piece of paper that says something like "Disenchanted is the sexiest b!tch I have ever seen"


That is awesome!


----------



## moxy

Disenchanted said:


> Tell me you aren't. Tell me I am wrong. Tell me you don't like a big strong man to pick you up, throw you down, take what he wants from you and fills your entire body with pleasure as he controls you completely.
> 
> Tell me.


Oh, hell. That sounds fun.


----------



## whitehawk

Been busy by the looks hey people :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Run down and if it's confusing , sow hat's new :rofl:
l really miss the clear headed love life thinking head l use to carry round.

32 , l try to stay away because we just get along too well and l just don't wanna let it go anywhere you know. ls that mad ?
lt ain't easy though like Sat for example , l went to the supe and here she was outside, we start talking and of it goes. Then there's those jeans she wares. Ripped and her cute little belly and milky white skins just always poking out at the waist , soooo close to her yummy bits , htf am l suppose to walk away from that.

AF from my date site and l still chat , she's the one that's always stayed in touch , we've never anything though , just talked. But now she wants to come over to talk more about something we've been talking about. She knows l've been seeing someone , she has to , we just talk , no clue what it is. 

T , she's Guns and Roses , mousey long hair. Such a cool girl , 41 , we click big time. But she has real secrecy issues. lt drove me nuts so l never let it go anywhere but we do still phone and talk.
She says she just needs time , to feel secure , to open up . That's the only thing about her that l just found too much and that's why l sorta stopped it but , it has gone on still just in the still talk a lot thing.
AP's thing made me think a lot about this with T bc they talked for a mth or two or something like that first.
Maybe l shoulda given her more time.
Old issues for me though bc ex was always like getting blood out of a stone for info . You always had to ask her , and think of asking her , it basically costed us our marriage indirectly in the end . So l don't have much time for chasing and asking none stop anymore.
T feeds tiny bits as she goes along , she has real trust and self preservation stuff going on , she admits it . She works a lot to , she's got 3 jobs. Another thing hat in directly effd up my marriage.
My ex was always working yet younger but always tired and in bed . Ha, she was always saying l needed someone younger.

Meanwhile , here's my cute little 32 , who just talks about anything very straight forwardly , a spades a spade , laughs and just goes with life and us, no baggage , l love that. Tells it like it is and then it's gone and onto the good stuff .
She's had so much sh!t in her life and she has health things going on , but she just believes in keeping it all where it belongs ad enjoying whatever she can.
She is soooo hard to walk away from. Heaps in common , talk none stop , laugh .
But true to form , she does to just want to know just what the fk we are ?
We've talked a lot about what l've been thinking to though and why l'm holding back with it , she thinks that's all BS - true to form she says who gives a fk , we are what we are and that's pretty damn cool . What do l say to that , she's right !

And l thought married life was getting complicated


----------



## moxy

Work, workout, shower, online flirting, and more work. I am tempted to just go to sleep because I'm tired.


----------



## ne9907

I have a date with blue eyes tomorrow, he wanted to do today but I am simply too tired. So is tomorrow.
I am going to share the dream I had in which we were eating watermelon in a Honduran household


----------



## whitehawk

You know , l never get this online flirting thing !

Even if you do you have no real idea in hell who your really messing with anyway and you can't touch , feel , see, pics could be anyone, it's just a keyboard. Personally me needs a lot more than that .
l never get the point - not to mention satisfaction


----------



## whitehawk

Spose if you were doing real time cam stuff, that could be a bit better story.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Hate to break up this mutual azz kissing party, but Syrian just texted me... :rofl:


Well what did she say?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Worst type of heart to break... a friend's

Ain't my type... hell I suspected her interest - but didn't want to think it, pretended it was all my delusion, would have given her gave clear messages to ensure what happened wouldn't happen.

Not happy... *sigh* Yet what could I have done? I didn't want to presume nor was I even interested. Oh well, guess she learnt the hard way, and I doubt she'll ever be that brazen again. Interesting and scary at the same time, not used to women being so forward.

Yeah I joked around with her but I can't see how my jokes were considered flirts or gave her the wrong signals (she didn't say that)... but hell she should have picked up the hints no? Why invest in someone who you know doesn't share the same feelings?

They say attraction isn't a choice, sure, but emotional attachment - meh
Funny, I take a break from the game and the game throws this joke in my face!


----------



## whitehawk

Mutual azz kissing party , l like it :rofl: 

l've sorta got real life visions here , big party , everyone's runnin round bending over and kissin butts .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Worst type of heart to break... a friend's
> 
> Ain't my type... hell I suspected her interest - but didn't want to think it, pretended it was all my delusion, would have given her gave clear messages to ensure what happened wouldn't happen.
> 
> Not happy... *sigh* Yet what could I have done? I didn't want to presume nor was I even interested. Oh well, guess she learnt the hard way, and I doubt she'll ever be that brazen again. Interesting and scary at the same time, not used to women being so forward.
> 
> Yeah I joked around with her but I can't see how my jokes were considered flirts or gave her the wrong signals (she didn't say that)... but hell she should have picked up the hints no? Why invest in someone who you know doesn't share the same feelings?
> 
> They say attraction isn't a choice, sure, but emotional attachment - meh
> Funny, I take a break from the game and the game throws this joke in my face!



Yeah l know about this one RD and everything you describe . l hate it .
l'm not sure what the answer ever is anyway bc if we do say something it could be presuming like you say.
That also hurts pride and feelings and probably won't get a truthful answer anyway .


----------



## Fenix

coffee4me said:


> I read that the 40 ish year old mom is never going to be a 9 she cannot be based on her age. She can be a 9 relative to other 40 ish women but she can never be a 9 when compared to women as a whole because her 20 year old daughter will bury her with her hotness. That's what I read and just like the thread where it says older men like younger women it is true for many men. Not all but many men.
> 
> I can compete just fine with women my age but not with women half my age (unless the guy is a little off  ). But what I see widely in the online dating world especially where I live is that men want a women 10 years younger. I even had men tell me they made an exception when they contacted me because they usually only search for younger women. These were men my age.
> 
> My view of what I've read is just a dose of reality for me. It has nothing to do with the way I take care of myself and how I look at myself. I'm ok and when I decide to date
> I'll be almost 50 and I'll still be ok. I'm sure there will be a guy who thinks I'm ok too.


Welp, I just turned 51 and started dating back in October. It has been very interesting and the online world is a bit screwed up with the age ranges and guys. The good news is that I have no interest in a guy (around my age) who is interested in someone 20 years younger. I have already had to deal with that with my ex!  Nope...it is not a competition. I will go up 5 years and down 5 years, and I really prefer a guy with the same types of preferences.

I am pretty damn happy with the way I look and even happier with the way I feel. I have no idea on sex rankings but to compare me to a 30 year old? No way. :rofl: There is NO comparison...And you know what? That's good because our 'targets' are going to be (and should be) completely different.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> You know , l never get this online flirting thing !
> 
> Even if you do you have no real idea in hell who your really messing with anyway and you can't touch , feel , see, pics could be anyone, it's just a keyboard. Personally me needs a lot more than that .
> l never get the point - not to mention satisfaction


I do actually know who I'm flirting with. It would have been better to say "text flirting". 

The point is to enjoy the playfully ambiguous banter while you get to know someone better. That is, it's fun.

Men in their mid-30s, by virtue of being more knowledgable and mature, seem to be more intellectually stimulating than men in their mid-20s; sometimes, having real things to talk about is way more erotic than just bodypix and sexchat about what's hot. I just read a sentence about nature and society that took my breath for a moment. 

Off to work now. Ugh. So tired.


----------



## Fenix

coffee4me said:


> We are going to have to agree to disagree Lon . If those same male friends had a choice between sleeping with me or at 28 year old hottie- they would choose the hottie. It's just reality and I'm a realist.




:nono:

Well, maybe if it was a ONS but otherwise no. If you are active, outwardly engaged and positive, the world is your oyster. Seriously, CF4, dating at 'our' age is way less complicated and more fun.

At least that is what I am finding...


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Worst type of heart to break... a friend's
> 
> Ain't my type... hell I suspected her interest - but didn't want to think it, pretended it was all my delusion, would have given her gave clear messages to ensure what happened wouldn't happen.
> 
> Not happy... *sigh* Yet what could I have done? I didn't want to presume nor was I even interested. Oh well, guess she learnt the hard way, and I doubt she'll ever be that brazen again. Interesting and scary at the same time, not used to women being so forward.
> 
> Yeah I joked around with her but I can't see how my jokes were considered flirts or gave her the wrong signals (she didn't say that)... but hell she should have picked up the hints no? Why invest in someone who you know doesn't share the same feelings?
> 
> They say attraction isn't a choice, sure, but emotional attachment - meh
> Funny, I take a break from the game and the game throws this joke in my face!


You're not responsible for her feelings. As long as you were respectful and kind, that is all that is required.


----------



## edgya1234

RandomDude said:


> Worst type of heart to break... a friend's
> 
> Ain't my type... hell I suspected her interest - but didn't want to think it, pretended it was all my delusion, would have given her gave clear messages to ensure what happened wouldn't happen.
> 
> Not happy... *sigh* Yet what could I have done? I didn't want to presume nor was I even interested. Oh well, guess she learnt the hard way, and I doubt she'll ever be that brazen again. Interesting and scary at the same time, not used to women being so forward.
> 
> Yeah I joked around with her but I can't see how my jokes were considered flirts or gave her the wrong signals (she didn't say that)... but hell she should have picked up the hints no? Why invest in someone who you know doesn't share the same feelings?
> 
> They say attraction isn't a choice, sure, but emotional attachment - meh
> Funny, I take a break from the game and the game throws this joke in my face!


As I feel that is not correct to accuse me so forward of having ulterior motives of being here I will go along and contact a moderator and well they can verify all my story and my identity.
I will also provide prove of how we talk to each other in Europe and that those are considered jokes. So if I am guilty of something I am guilty of not knowing any unwritten rules, I already apologized for that and corrected my behavior as well as will provide the avatar photo the people requested. 
Really I wanted to flirt with you? This is too much. So I think I will let this for moderators to decide.


----------



## caladan

coffee4me said:


> Nope! Not according to the "sex rank" theory at my age my sex rank is plummeting  And it matters not that I had a successful career (that also lowers my sex rank) a man would rather a hot younger woman than a professional self sufficient older one.
> 
> I have learned the best sh!t reading TAM


Really? I've never had my man(liness? hood? ship?) quite so slyly put to the question.

I prefer the middle-aged, self-sufficient one, personally.


----------



## Dollystanford

I think Random Dude is talking about one of the many women of his acquaintance who appear to enjoy throwing themselves at his penis only to be rejected when they don't cut the mustard

I don't think he was talking about you Edgya


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Well what did she say?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All the right things I guess. 

I crawled out if her bed at 4:00 am. I'm the weakest fvcking moron on the planet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> All the right things I guess.
> 
> I crawled out if her bed at 4:00 am. I'm the weakest fvcking moron on the planet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL oh no...


----------



## edgya1234

Dollystanford said:


> I think Random Dude is talking about one of the many women of his acquaintance who appear to enjoy throwing themselves at his penis only to be rejected when they don't cut the mustard
> 
> I don't think he was talking about you Edgya


Thank you Dolly. However I was the only one who was presumed flirting in the last post here. I already apologized for not following unwritten rules. I explained my situation and our customs. I altered my posts and I stopped what was called "flirting. I already contacted the moderators and well as I said I will provide them all the details about myself. 
However as there is a time difference between US and my country right now I am supposed to work and this including the silly photo of me with a spoon will be done latter. 
Thanks again for your vote of confidence!


----------



## Jellybeans

Bandit... hope it was...good? LOL


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Hate to break up this mutual azz kissing party, but Syrian just texted me... :rofl:


Just so you know, this is the most sought after thread for me on here today. It even exceeds the raw appeal of Jelly's sexy approach., which says a lot.


----------



## caladan

coffee4me said:


> Interesting... I will have to ask some of my male friends what kinda vibe I put out.
> 
> On second thought most have them have told me they want to have sex with me so maybe that answers my question.


One more thing Coffee - nowadays the "market" is rammed with women in their 40's hooking up with men 10 years or more younger. It goes both ways I guess.

It sucks when a woman you have some interest in turns out to prefer the younger lads though.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Bandit... hope it was...good? LOL


Of course it was good. That woman's azz should be enshrined.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> Of course it was good. That woman's azz should be enshrined.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There you go then. You're happy, she's happy, we're all happy.


Did she tell you what happened the other day? Do you care?


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> All the right things I guess.
> 
> I crawled out if her bed at 4:00 am. I'm the weakest fvcking moron on the planet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That is so funny B. l'm not laughing at you mate , just you know the way this stuff can happen .


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> That woman's azz should be enshrined.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Edgya, there is no unwritten rule about flirting here.


----------



## whitehawk

AF just said to me "hey baby" in a text earlier.
Do you think that could've been an accident , like maybe she was talking to her bf to or somem ?

As far as l know l'm just friend not baby


----------



## coffee4me

caladan said:


> One more thing Coffee - nowadays the "market" is rammed with women in their 40's hooking up with men 10 years or more younger. It goes both ways I guess.
> 
> It sucks when a woman you have some interest in turns out to prefer the younger lads though.


There's a lot if this going on where I live too. Breaking down age barriers is supposed to be a good thing


----------



## moxy

Edgya, chill out. You don't have to post a photo of yourself with a spoon in some kind of hazing ritual. You don't need the approval of people in the thread. However, if you're feeling like you don't fit in yet, just watch and observe a little to see what might be rubbing some people the wrong way. "Proving yourself" to a moderator will not exonerate you in the way that you seem to hope it will. Just chill out a bit; this thread is supposed to be fun; leave off the topic of your stbxh and you'll have an easier time.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> It even exceeds the raw appeal of Jelly's sexy approach., which says a lot.


What approach are you referring to? 



whitehawk said:


> AF just said to me "hey baby" in a text earlier.
> Do you think that could've been an accident , like maybe she was talking to her bf to or somem ?


Maybe she meant it for you. Maybe she meant it for one of her other lovers but texted you by mistake. You could ask. Or you could write "Hey Baby" back to her.


----------



## moxy

I think you should totally "Hey Baby" her back.


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> Edgya, chill out. You don't have to post a photo of yourself with a spoon in some kind of hazing ritual. You don't need the approval of people in the thread. However, if you're feeling like you don't fit in yet, just watch and observe a little to see what might be rubbing some people the wrong way. "Proving yourself" to a moderator will not exonerate you in the way that you seem to hope it will. Just chill out a bit; this thread is supposed to be fun; leave off the topic of your stbxh and you'll have an easier time.


Hi Mox!


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> What approach are you referring to?


You know, _that_ one


----------



## Jellybeans

No, I don't. That is why I asked.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm going to throw this thread right off track and ask if anyone wants some cake! Lol.


----------



## whitehawk

l have soooo much personal sh!t going on in my text and on my kik to right now and my phone is that fkg sensitive - l'm sh!tting myself 24/7 lately that if someone, like family for instance , or my daughter , or my ex, was to get someone else's message - oh jesus 

l've started deleting um , good stuff lately l'm just to scared l'l slip up.


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> Hi Mox!


Hi, caladan.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm going to throw this thread right off track and ask if anyone wants some cake! Lol.


F'ck Yes!!! I am so in the mood for cake! I love cake, especially birthday cake.


----------



## moxy

Hell, yeah, Daddio.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm going to throw this thread right off track and ask if anyone wants some cake! Lol.


Hell yes , l have nothing nice in the house , nothing


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey daddio that cake looks a bit splatted. Like it fell on the floor or something


----------



## Jellybeans

YUM! What kind of cake is that, Daddio?


----------



## lisab0105

edgya1234 said:


> As I feel that is not correct to accuse me so forward of having ulterior motives of being here I will go along and contact a moderator and well they can verify all my story and my identity.
> I will also provide prove of how we talk to each other in Europe and that those are considered jokes. So if I am guilty of something I am guilty of not knowing any unwritten rules, I already apologized for that and corrected my behavior as well as will provide the avatar photo the people requested.
> Really I wanted to flirt with you? This is too much. So I think I will let this for moderators to decide.


Edya, unless you are having private conversations with RD (which is none of our business), he was not talking about you. RD has throngs of woman he communicates with on a daily basis and tells us all about it. You have done nothing wrong, separated people come into LAD all the time flirting left and right. Don't worry about it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> Hey daddio that cake looks a bit splatted. Like it fell on the floor or something


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Maybe he dropped it then tried to put the frosting back on. Thats not really chocolate pieces on top, its dirt


----------



## lisab0105

I am sure one of the little ones roped him into baking again


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> No, I don't. That is why I asked.


It's hard to describe really. Warm and somewhat... thorough.


----------



## Jellybeans

It looks like an Oreo cake.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I think you should totally "Hey Baby" her back.


:rofl:


----------



## caladan

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm going to throw this thread right off track and ask if anyone wants some cake! Lol.




The calories are beginning to kick in. My ankle has been banjaxed for a week or two now, and I've kinda been living life on the edge, cuisine wise. I'm wearing my slim-fit pants today. They're unusually snug. More running, less cake in the near future, I'm afraid.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

JB - same traits that probably make you a good BFF.  It's a multi-gender appeal.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

coffee4me said:


> Interesting... I will have to ask some of my male friends what kinda vibe I put out.
> 
> On second thought most have them have told me they want to have sex with me so maybe that answers my question.


In your same shoes, have had the same experiences. But I already know what kind of vibe I put out - maybe that's why I have better luck on line vs. in person. I've been told I'm not "approachable". I'm not sure how to fix that. I mean, I don't go through life with my arms crossed so I don't think it's body language. I think my flirter is broken. Or at least the part that flirts with strangers. I can flirt with someone once I've met them.


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> F'ck Yes!!! I am so in the mood for cake! I love cake, especially birthday cake.


My sons birthday is mid
May, already have plans to make him a purple minion cake. My daughter wants uni-kitty thing from the Lego movie. Lol






Dollystanford said:


> Hey daddio that cake looks a bit splatted. Like it fell on the floor or something



I remade it! For those of you who don't know, I slaved away making this cake (first try at something like this) for a few hours Friday night. Saturday ... I dropped the dang thing, lol!




Jellybeans said:


> YUM! What kind of cake is that, Daddio?


The cake itself is eggs whites, unsweetened chocolate, a little bit of flour and
sugar, some cocoa, touch of salt and baking powder and soda, skim milk

The mousse is white chocolate, light cream cheese, skim milk, light dairy whip and that's topped with semi sweet drizzle.




vi_bride04 said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> Maybe he dropped it then tried to put the frosting back on. Thats not really chocolate pieces on top, its dirt


Shut your face. 





lisab0105 said:


> I am sure one of the little ones roped him into baking again


Actually this was my contribution to the dance wind-up we had on Saturday. Which I ended up dropping.

I'm thinking of making 2 more this weekend, stacking them and putting a black cherry mousse in the middle.


----------



## Dollystanford

Such a domestic goddess


----------



## Disenchanted

whitehawk said:


> You know , l never get this online flirting thing !


It can be _very_ arousing for a sapiosexual like me. 

But you have to be able to play. 

I like words.


----------



## lisab0105

> I'm thinking of making 2 more this weekend, stacking them and putting a black cherry mousse in the middle.


Stop flirting with the board you freaking harlot!!


----------



## Another Planet

Mmmmm black cherry mousse in the middle


----------



## edgya1234

@lisab well maybe I am a little jumpy from work, being tired and from the fact that some of the ladies here have been "very nicely" implying that I am anything from flirt to troll...so my bad. 

@RandomDude - I apologize for my error of jumping to conclusion. In my defense because I am new, and somehow I've broken some unwritten rules, I have been the punching bag of some ladies on this forum.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Mmmmm black cherry mousse in the middle


That sounds divine.


----------



## caladan

EnjoliWoman said:


> In your same shoes, have had the same experiences. But I already know what kind of vibe I put out - maybe that's why I have better luck on line vs. in person. I've been told I'm not "approachable". I'm not sure how to fix that. I mean, I don't go through life with my arms crossed so I don't think it's body language. I think my flirter is broken. Or at least the part that flirts with strangers. I can flirt with someone once I've met them.


I wonder what they mean. 
I happen to believe I belong to that class of men who are naturally skittish and easily "panic-able" within romantic circles. For me, the main groups I tend to find least approachable are:

1 - Tall women. This is partly my own issue - I spent most of my formative years being a runt, and even full grown, 5'8" isn't exactly tall. I admit this is mostly my problem - I've dated one or two taller women - but the fact is, based strictly on preferences expressed on dating sites - it does seem that women prefer taller dudes. Asking a taller woman out is battling the odds, your chances of success are quite limited. Nothing I can do can remedy this I don't think. Almost all the tall(er than me) women I've dated have had to express a strong interest before I've engaged.

2 - Women who give out a "taken or otherwise uninterested" vibe. This latter is an issue since it's difficult to distinguish between the two. For me, what makes women approachable is warmth and friendliness. A smile that touches the eyes, that sort of thing. It makes that nervy approach just so much less borderline-traumatic.

No doubt there are other classes that I might have missed..


----------



## Disenchanted

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm going to throw this thread right off track and ask if anyone wants some cake! Lol.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PErJIU9AG4o


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Such a domestic goddess


Hey now, I didn't forget to hit that gym beforehand and kill it on legs.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> In your same shoes, have had the same experiences. But I already know what kind of vibe I put out - maybe that's why I have better luck on line vs. in person. I've been told I'm not "approachable". I'm not sure how to fix that. I mean, I don't go through life with my arms crossed so I don't think it's body language. I think my flirter is broken. Or at least the part that flirts with strangers. I can flirt with someone once I've met them.



Doesn't matter Enjoli. lt's around that right person that counts and we go all tingly anyway so stuff just happens.
A guy doesn't want a pro flirter , he knows damn well she'll be flirting with anything on legs but what he does love is his own personal flirter and to feel it's because your into him- all good :smthumbup:


----------



## coffee4me

EnjoliWoman said:


> In your same shoes, have had the same experiences. But I already know what kind of vibe I put out - maybe that's why I have better luck on line vs. in person. I've been told I'm not "approachable". I'm not sure how to fix that. I mean, I don't go through life with my arms crossed so I don't think it's body language. I think my flirter is broken. Or at least the part that flirts with strangers. I can flirt with someone once I've met them.


EW the more I read your posts I think we are twins . Those are male friends mostly that I met online. A stranger never approaches me. I'm invisible in my day to day life. The few times I recognized some guy was maybe flirting was after the fact because my son reacted. 

My flirter is broken - I love that.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> The calories are beginning to kick in. My ankle has been banjaxed for a week or two now, and I've kinda been living life on the edge, cuisine wise. I'm wearing my slim-fit pants today. They're unusually snug. More running, less cake in the near future, I'm afraid.


Once you're good to go your body will kick in again. Sometimes the rest will do you some good.

I actually bought my first pair of straight slim pants last week... with a 36" waist. To think 2+ years ago I was in the 50" plus category.


----------



## Disenchanted

Good morning party people.

Bandit, glad to hear the party goes on. I thought there musta been a reason why she drunk dialed you


----------



## lisab0105

Now I really want cake....fvckity f'ck f'ck! 

Thanks


----------



## caladan

06Daddio08 said:


> Once you're good to go your body will kick in again. Sometimes the rest will do you some good.
> 
> I actually bought my first pair of straight slim pants last week... with a 36" waist. To think 2+ years ago I was in the 50" plus category.


How tall are you?

I'm down to 34, was headed to 32 before the ankle went to peices.

Frankly, I'm no longer sure about this ankle - it gets tetchy when the weather changes, it also gets tetchy when I get dehydrated for long periods of time (yes, it's been known to go all pear shaped after an extreme run without enough re-hydration).

I was 36/38 a few years ago myself...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> EW the more I read your posts I think we are twins . Those are male friends mostly that I met online. A stranger never approaches me. I'm invisible in my day to day life. The few times I recognized some guy was maybe flirting was after the fact because my son reacted.
> 
> My flirter is broken - I love that.


I'm the male equivalent coffee. Pretty much invisible. But it's not that I have no, or low sex rank, I just don't even register on many people's evaluation form, but when I do then they see my high value.

So I just go with that, trees with less foliage make for larger fruit.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Good morning party people.
> 
> Bandit, glad to hear the party goes on. I thought there musta been a reason why she drunk dialed you


She claims she did not have the guy drive her home. She claims her girlfriends drive her home. She claims she felt I was disgusted in her and that is why she never texted it called me back Sunday. We had a long talk about expectations and respect. She apologized profusely. I claimed I was a fvcking weak moron for believing her. Then she invited me to her place to talk more and we ended up having monkey sex. 

I'm a moron.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

caladan said:


> I wonder what they mean.
> I happen to believe I belong to that class of men who are naturally skittish and easily "panic-able" within romantic circles. For me, the main groups I tend to find least approachable are:
> 
> 1 - Tall women. This is partly my own issue - I spent most of my formative years being a runt, and even full grown, 5'8" isn't exactly tall. I admit this is mostly my problem - I've dated one or two taller women - but the fact is, based strictly on preferences expressed on dating sites - it does seem that women prefer taller dudes. Asking a taller woman out is battling the odds, your chances of success are quite limited. Nothing I can do can remedy this I don't think. Almost all the tall(er than me) women I've dated have had to express a strong interest before I've engaged.
> 
> 2 - Women who give out a "taken or otherwise uninterested" vibe. This latter is an issue since it's difficult to distinguish between the two. For me, what makes women approachable is warmth and friendliness. A smile that touches the eyes, that sort of thing. It makes that nervy approach just so much less borderline-traumatic.
> 
> No doubt there are other classes that I might have missed..


But C why even bother with taller women then , all good mate !
The taken or uninterested vibe the same , who cares .
lt's only that bottom bit that ever matters to me and l agree , l love those vibes from someone l'm interested in .


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> She claims she did not have the guy drive her home. She claims her girlfriends drive her home. She claims she felt I was disgusted in her and that is why she never texted it called me back Sunday. We had a long talk about expectations and respect. She apologized profusely. I claimed I was a fvcking weak moron for believing her. Then she invited me to her place to talk more and we ended up having monkey sex.
> 
> I'm a moron.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cut that sh!t out dude. Just don't get too attached or clingy. If you find yourself doing that then back off a bit.

You should maybe practice _not_ texting her for a day every now and then.

Sheesh nothing wrong with having a little fun!


----------



## Disenchanted

I have to get in on this convo guys, cause I'm kinda proud of myself about it.

My 31" waisted pants are feeling loose on me. Two years ago I was 38". I'm 6'3".

Paleo. No cake for this guy, just meat and fire.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am a carnivore. I would prefer steak to cake any day, every day.

LOL

(But I will say that cake did look good).


----------



## 3Xnocharm

coffee4me said:


> EW the more I read your posts I think we are twins . Those are male friends mostly that I met online. A stranger never approaches me. I'm invisible in my day to day life. The few times I recognized some guy was maybe flirting was after the fact because my son reacted.
> 
> My flirter is broken - I love that.


I am in that invisible club too, Coffee. I can go out, feeling like I am looking pretty good, and not a single man notices me all night. WTF. :scratchhead:



bandit.45 said:


> She claims she did not have the guy drive her home. She claims her girlfriends drive her home. She claims she felt I was disgusted in her and that is why she never texted it called me back Sunday. We had a long talk about expectations and respect. She apologized profusely. I claimed I was a fvcking weak moron for believing her. Then she invited me to her place to talk more and we ended up having monkey sex.
> 
> I'm a moron.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are NOT a moron! You are not in, or interested in being in, a relationship with Syrian, so you are fine getting back to the monkey sex. If this was a "real" relationship you two were in, then her behavior would have been much more questionable/red flag.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> I am a carnivore. I would prefer steak to cake any day, every day.
> 
> LOL
> 
> (But I will say that cake did look good).


Really JB? You're gonna start e-seducing me already?


----------



## Jellybeans

What can I say? I'm a natural.

Some women like shoes. Some prefer steak.


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> I am in that invisible club too, Coffee. I can go out, feeling like I am looking pretty good, and not a single man notices me all night. WTF. :scratchhead:


You are both completely full of sh!t.

I would hop in the sack with either of you in half of a split second.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> How tall are you?
> 
> I'm down to 34, was headed to 32 before the ankle went to peices.
> 
> Frankly, I'm no longer sure about this ankle - it gets tetchy when the weather changes, it also gets tetchy when I get dehydrated for long periods of time (yes, it's been known to go all pear shaped after an extreme run without enough re-hydration).
> 
> I was 36/38 a few years ago myself...


5'8“ and as of this morning 218 lbs. I notice a huge difference when I'm dehydrated but man is it annoying having to hit the urinal every 45 minutes.

Have you seen a doctor for the ankle?


----------



## caladan

whitehawk said:


> But C why even bother with taller women then , all good mate !
> The taken or uninterested vibe the same , who cares .
> lt's only that bottom bit that ever matters to me and l agree , l love those vibes from someone l'm interested in .


They fascinate me - taller women.

I think it comes from a time in my life when I wished my father had married a taller woman (thereby drastically increasing my height prospects. My father is 5'4, my mom is 4'11. 

You're right though - I don't worry about it too much anymore. I was simply sharing with Enjoli what my view as an "approaching man" was.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> Cut that sh!t out dude. Just don't get too attached or clingy. If you find yourself doing that then back off a bit.
> 
> You should maybe practice _not_ texting her for a day every now and then.
> 
> Sheesh nothing wrong with having a little fun!


No I guess not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Am I bad? I took my date last night to the same Nordstrom changing room that I took Mermaid to.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> She claims she did not have the guy drive her home. She claims her girlfriends drive her home. She claims she felt I was disgusted in her and that is why she never texted it called me back Sunday. We had a long talk about expectations and respect. She apologized profusely. I claimed I was a fvcking weak moron for believing her. Then she invited me to her place to talk more and we ended up having monkey sex.
> 
> I'm a moron.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


YOU. GOT. LAID.

Now stop talking.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Now I really want cake....fvckity f'ck f'ck!
> 
> Thanks


I could make sugar cookies with butter cream icing, would that help?


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> It can be _very_ arousing for a sapiosexual like me.
> 
> But you have to be able to play.
> 
> I like words.



Yeah right .
l do love words but l like them in my ear haha , l'd make a lousy onliner :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I am in that invisible club too, Coffee. I can go out, feeling like I am looking pretty good, and not a single man notices me all night. WTF. :scratchhead:


Do you guys smile at strangers? Make eye contact? Keep looking in their direction? Thats all it takes for people to feel you are approachable, IMO. 



3Xnocharm said:


> You are NOT a moron! You are not in, or interested in being in, a relationship with Syrian, so you are fine getting back to the monkey sex. *If this was a "real" relationship you two were in, then her behavior would have been much more questionable/red flag.*


I would say her red flags are way questionable and a good indication as to why NOT to get involved with her seriously. 

Keep up the monkey sex. But put those pesky emotions and feelings away in a box somewhere.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> I am a carnivore. I would prefer steak to cake any day, every day.
> 
> LOL
> 
> (But I will say that cake did look good).


Here you go Jelly


----------



## Jellybeans

But seriously though--in real life, I'm not much of a flirt. So I can relate to Enjo a lot (and the others). I find that I am best a flirting when it is done is a very stupid way to where I don't even realize I am trying to be funny. Like, off the cuff.

Enjo, I remember you saying before how folks have told you you seem unapproachable and that always stuck with me. Someone once told me t hat I have a "Don't fvck with me" look to me. LOL. 

I am also notorious for NOT knowing when someone is flirting w/ me. So I am jumping on the "flirter is broken" bandwagon. Also, I don't give out my flirts too much when I actually attempt flirting. For me to "Hey Mister" somebody, he's got to get me excited in my lady regions. It's fun.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> You are both completely full of sh!t.
> 
> I would hop in the sack with either of you in half of a split second.


This may not exactly be high praise


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I would say her red flags are way questionable and a good indication as to why NOT to get involved with her seriously.
> 
> Keep up the monkey sex. But put those pesky emotions and feelings away in a box somewhere.


Listen to this wise woman, Bandit.


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> This may not exactly be high praise


Maybe not but I'm super fvcking hot.


----------



## caladan

06Daddio08 said:


> 5'8“ and as of this morning 218 lbs. I notice a huge difference when I'm dehydrated but man is it annoying having to hit the urinal every 45 minutes.
> 
> Have you seen a doctor for the ankle?


I should. It's so annoying - this ankle has bugged me on and off for almost 5 years, since I lived back in the UK. It appears that now that I have to pay for healthcare, now I'm going to have to get it checked.

I've got insurance and all, but it still hits one's bottom line. It's not a major issue yet - it's an issue 3-4 times a year, and it lasts a week or two, so it's time I can use to sit back and catch a breath. I intend to prioritize it next year. Bonus period, heh. Along with some dental work I've wanted for a while now...


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Maybe not but I'm super fvcking hot.


Heh, no doubt you are.

I however referred to your rather flexible tastes, and not your looks.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I could make sugar cookies with butter cream icing, would that help?


YES! Buttercream sucks. :smthumbup:


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> Heh, no doubt you are.
> 
> I however referred to your rather flexible tastes, and not your looks.


Actually they aren't that flexible. I only like soft curvy warm things.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Bandit has gone and grabbed some feelings for the Syrian......uh oh.

Can't say I didn't expect that. Any time you start getting physical there will be emotional ties created.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> YES! Buttercream sucks. :smthumbup:


Woah! I so did not read that the way you wrote it...my mind is somewhere else lol

"Butt cream sex"?
Sounded kinda weird and kinky


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Woah! I so did not read that the way you wrote it...my mind is somewhere else lol
> 
> "Butt cream sex"?
> Sounded kinda weird and kinky


Oh sweet baby jesus :slap: 

:rofl: talk about brain in the gutter


----------



## Disenchanted

Nice, getting Depend ads on the right side of the window.


----------



## bandit.45

Dedicated2Her said:


> Bandit has gone and grabbed some feelings for the Syrian......uh oh.
> 
> Can't say I didn't expect that. Any time you start getting physical there will be emotional ties created.


I have not!

I'm just pissed at myself for being weak and giving into the vag. 

We men spend nine months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. I'm no exception. I hate not being able to say no. I'm a slvt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> an't say I didn't expect that.


Really? I actually didn't expect that but I do agree with this



Dedicated2Her said:


> Any time you start getting physical there will be emotional ties created.


Sex. The game changer.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Actually they aren't that flexible. I only like soft curvy warm things.


Ah. Now that's an extremely restrictive character that not many women possess. You are indeed extremely choosy and inflexible, esteemed Dis.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I have not!
> 
> I'm just pissed at myself for being weak and giving into the vag.


Vagina is a very powerful thing. You got to be careful with that stuff. It's pretty potent.


----------



## vi_bride04

God damn, Ron Swanson is just such a manly man and I find him irresistible. Not my type physically at all but geez. What a man.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I have not!
> 
> I'm just pissed at myself for being weak and giving into the vag.
> 
> We men spend nine months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. I'm no exception. I hate not being able to say no. I'm a slvt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude just don't forget that it's your job to set the tone and take the lead. You obviously followed her lead and tone when you panicked that she didn't text you all day. Chill with the texts a little.

Just detach a little, softly. Do the 120, lol.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> I have not!
> 
> I'm just pissed at myself for being weak and giving into the vag.
> 
> We men spend nine months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. I'm no exception. I hate not being able to say no. I'm a slvt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In your particular situation.....why say no? Sounds like torturing yourself for no reason.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Vagina is a very powerful thing. You got to be careful with that stuff. It's pretty potent.


In other words....don't put it on a pedestal. lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Just detach a little, softly. Do the 120, lol.


I spit out my coffee - fricken hilarious...do the 120

:rofl: :rofl:


----------



## caladan

I know a lot of people may not agree with my perspective, me being more open minded and kinky and all that sh*t, but Bandit - why do you have to engage or disengage? Why can't you just have fun and be fun? Why does every pleasant feeling and amorous desire have to get labelled, classified and shelved? You like her. She likes you. The two of you turn the sheets over quite well together. Can't you just simply enjoy it for what it is?


----------



## coffee4me

Disenchanted said:


> You are both completely full of sh!t.
> 
> I would hop in the sack with either of you in half of a split second.


Of course you would , we met online  . The point is would you strike up a conversation when I'm sitting at coffee bean. I think not.


----------



## caladan

Dedicated2Her said:


> Can't say I didn't expect that. Any time you start getting physical there will be emotional ties created.


Is this a fact? I know I have learnt to take and give pleasure simply for pleasure's sake.


----------



## bandit.45

Dedicated2Her said:


> In your particular situation.....why say no? Sounds like torturing yourself for no reason.


I go in intending to take the lead and then I get to her house and she shows up at the door and she's wearing a dark form fitting nightgown. And then there are her big eyes and pupils black like obsidian, and her long brown hair flowing down past her little waist and beautiful womanly hips. And then her olive skin is so smooth and she smells like heaven and I'm fvcking toast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I go in intending to take the lead and then I get to her house and she shows up at the door and she's wearing a dark form fitting nightgown. And then there are her big eyes and pupils black like obsidian, and her long brown hair flowing down past her little waist and beautiful womanly hips. And then her olive skin is so smooth and she smells like heaven and I'm fvcking toast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think that's the lead they were referring to, heh.


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> es you. The two of you turn the sheets over quite well together. Can't you just simply enjoy it for what it is?


The answer to this is, no he can't. Not if he is more emotionally invested then she is and her not calling or texting for a day spins him into a frenzy. that is not enjoying it. (not saying he was spun into a frenzy but you get the point).

Unfortunately it is all push and pull and you've got to navigate carefully.

It's mostly about B not getting too emotionally invested and then heartbroken.

If he's not at risk of that then yes, just enjoy the fun.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I go in intending to take the lead and then I get to her house and she shows up at the door and she's wearing a dark form fitting nightgown. And then there are her big eyes and pupils black like obsidian, and her long brown hair flowing down past her little waist and beautiful womanly hips. And then her olive skin is so smooth and she smells like heaven and I'm fvcking toast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

Here is a little something for levity B. Ladies don't read this.

Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.

The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.


----------



## lisab0105

For no reason other than I think it's funny...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

caladan said:


> Is this a fact? I know I have learnt to take and give pleasure simply for pleasure's sake.


Pretty much. Unless, you have learned to place emotional walls up. Which, is tough because it hurts your ability to truly connect.


----------



## bandit.45

Blase distance. Got it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> I go in intending to take the lead and then I get to her house and she shows up at the door and she's wearing a dark form fitting nightgown. And then there are her big eyes and pupils black like obsidian, and her long brown hair flowing down past her little waist and beautiful womanly hips. And then her olive skin is so smooth and she smells like heaven and I'm fvcking toast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She had you at Hello?


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Here is a little something for levity B. Ladies don't read this.
> 
> Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.
> 
> The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.


Heh.

This is correct. But - this is correct in almost every aspect of one's life. The best players treat life as a game of poker, constantly bluffing and dissembling. It's a dark art, if you play it wrongly, you might run into psychopath territory.


----------



## Disenchanted

coffee4me said:


> Of course you would , we met online  . The point is would you strike up a conversation when I'm sitting at coffee bean. I think not.


Probably not, I'm shy and you'd intimidate me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> In other words....don't put it on a pedestal. lol


It's not so much that. But when attached with feelings, that is where it becomes a Problem.

:rofl:

The same can be said of penis.



Disenchanted said:


> Women respond viscerally in their vagina


I love this intro. So much. It sounds like a science lecture.



Disenchanted said:


> The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.


I hear what you are saying. I do. But if a dude keeps this up, after awhile, the lady may just run away forever and ever. Hot and cold can get annoying.


----------



## lisab0105

Disenchanted said:


> Here is a little something for levity B. Ladies don't read this.
> 
> Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.
> 
> The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.












That's just cold...and only works on the women that love love love hard to get, pain in the ass bad boys. Sensible women can see that game from a mile away and will tell you (general) to f'ck off.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> Here is a little something for levity B. Ladies don't read this.
> 
> Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.
> 
> The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.


I just puked on my shoes reading this...


----------



## caladan

Dedicated2Her said:


> Pretty much. Unless, you have learned to place emotional walls up. Which, is tough because it hurts your ability to truly connect.


Define connect.

I connect with everyone I get involved with, regardless of the intensity of said connection.

I fear what you refer to as connection may be crossing the line into some level of dependency.

Are you guys looking for another marriage type relationship?


----------



## bandit.45

coffee4me said:


> She had you at Hello?


I guess. 

It was wild sex. Really pissed off angry sex. She said it was the best we've had do far. Weird huh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

You damned women don't do as you're told. You must have somehow missed the part where I said "Don't read this ladies".

Bandit, when you and Syrian decide to become exclusive (and don't do it sooner then 3 months) then you can build comfort and throw that advice out the window.

Buy flowers and all that sappy sh!t the women here will tell you to do.


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> I guess.
> 
> It was wild sex. Really pissed off angry sex. She said it was the best we've had do far. Weird huh?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No not weird, I love love love grudge phucking.


----------



## Lon

coffee4me said:


> Of course you would , we met online  . The point is would you strike up a conversation when I'm sitting at coffee bean. I think not.


Speaking for myself, I absolutely would strike up a conversation with you if you looked like you wanted to strike up a conversation. That means 1) looking up from your iPhone and making some sort of eye contact 2) looking like you are not angry about making eye contact with me 3) have an open body language.

Now, I'm pretty timid and would be fearful of offending you so would likely keep to myself unless you gave #4) the tiniest tibdit to go on - something like a) maintaining that eye contact for a second longer than normal b) holding up your coffee to your mouth without drinking it c) blowing on your coffee like its too hot d) anything that gives me any reason to think the risk of breaching contact may be worth the reward of knowing you, or even just saying hello.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> Are you guys looking for another marriage type relationship?


That would be a resounding FVCK NO from me.


----------



## Disenchanted

:iagree:with Lon


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> You damned women don't do as you're told. You must have somehow missed the part where I said "Don't read this ladies"


That's ok. We're back in the kitchen making you a sandwich laced with poison. Bon apetit, sir.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Disenchanted said:


> You damned women don't do as you're told.


DUH!


----------



## coffee4me

lisab0105 said:


> That's just cold...and only works on the women that love love love hard to get, pain in the ass bad boys. Sensible women can see that game from a mile away and will tell you (general) to f'ck off.


Where was this advice when I was young stupid -- and married him


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> That's ok. We're back in the kitchen making you a sandwich laced with poison. Bon apetit, sir.


Rufies?


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> You damned women don't do as you're told. You must have somehow missed the part where I said "Don't read this ladies".
> 
> Bandit, when you and Syrian decide to become exclusive (and don't do it sooner then 3 months) then you can build comfort and throw that advice out the window.
> 
> Buy flowers and all that sappy sh!t the women here will tell you to do.


Shes not into flowers. She likes it when I play guitar and sing to her. 

Yeah yeah I know......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

coffee4me said:


> Where was this advice when I was young stupid -- *and married him*


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Rufies?


You wish.


----------



## bandit.45

Disenchanted said:


> No not weird, I love love love grudge phucking.


So that's what it was. 

I felt bad. Her neck was sore the next day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Since some of the ladies are asking if us men would approach them, what is the best way to approach? You never know who is in a relationship and who is single. Rejection sucks and that can make some guys shy about making a move. That and I am in the broken flirter club. I have no clue if someone is just being polite or if she is flirting. Add it all together and I very rarely if ever approach any woman.


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Speaking for myself, I absolutely would strike up a conversation with you if you looked like you wanted to strike up a conversation. That means 1) looking up from your iPhone and making some sort of eye contact 2) looking like you are not angry about making eye contact with me 3) have an open body language.
> 
> Now, I'm pretty timid and would be fearful of offending you so would likely keep to myself unless you gave #4) the tiniest tibdit to go on - something like a) maintaining that eye contact for a second longer than normal b) holding up your coffee to your mouth without drinking it c) blowing on your coffee like its too hot d) anything that gives me any reason to think the risk of breaching contact may be worth the reward of knowing you, or even just saying hello.


The force is strong with this one.


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> I guess.
> 
> It was wild sex. Really pissed off angry sex. She said it was the best we've had do far. Weird huh?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She likes drama. Good luck with that.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> :iagree:with Lon


What Dis said.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Shes not into flowers. She likes it when I play guitar and sing to her.
> 
> Yeah yeah I know......


:rofl: This is very tree-hugger of you, Bandit.

Dear God. This may be worse than I thought.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> You wish.


A boy can dream!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: This is very tree-hugger of you, Bandit.
> 
> Dear God. This may be worse than I thought.


Why does this pop into my mind?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zz0UgKnz84


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> That's ok. We're back in the kitchen making you a sandwich laced with poison. Bon apetit, sir.


How about a beef sandwich with some bacon? Whole wheat of course. 

I prefer making my own snacks quite frankly. 

Now I could make you (or anyone else) one...


----------



## Jellybeans

Dis, what came up in my mind was that scene in Bedazzled with Brendan Fraser on the beach, the guy with the guitar.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Here is a little something for levity B. Ladies don't read this.
> 
> Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.
> 
> The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.


Funny thing - there's actually one person on here who I think plays like this, with some modifications. I'm not mentioning any names. I'm yet to find anyone - gender regardless - who approves of his methods.


----------



## muskrat

caladan said:


> Funny thing - there's actually one person on here who I think plays like this, with some modifications. I'm not mentioning any names. I'm yet to find anyone - gender regardless - who approves of his methods.


We may not agree with his methods, but if what he says is true, he has throngs of women lined up and wanting him.

As sad as it is, there is some truth to what Dis wrote.


----------



## vi_bride04

That description Mister Dis gave on how to keep a woman "in line" with impending doom sounds like an abuser. 

And you guys need to slow down. I work for 30min come back and there are 6 more pages to go through!!!

And Bandit - no pedestals. She is drama, like 3x says. Be careful. (if she wasn't about drama, she wouldn't have called you wasted from the wedding with another dude around and then ignore your texts for almost 2 days)

DRAMA!

Bang the f* out of her but don't get your heart involved


----------



## Another Planet

Speaking of flirting, I have heard I can be oblivious to flirting BUT what I have found is you can flirt with me until you are blue in the face but if I am not interested I will probably just casually raise my eyebrow and go "hmmm that's funny".....
My GF says I have daggers that shoot out of my eyes when I am not amused lol
I have also killed small animals with just a gaze.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I'm going to share something my gf told me two days ago in regards to how not playing games and being a genuine, confident, male will get you.

"I have never had a lover and a best friend in the same person. It is rather surprising to me. I love how I can ask you questions about my career, and I know that you are going to give me an answer that looks out purely for my benefit. I love how we can do our own thing with other friends on a Friday night and there is no miscommunication, upset feelings, or neediness. We just meet up late in the night!  I love how when you have a problem with something you just come out and say it, and then it's over. I love how I look forward to being with you because I know that you are always pleasant regardless of what is going on around you. It makes me feel so safe. I really look forward to being with you again. Have a great day!"

I received this last night as she is out of town on business. Let me tell you guys. Treat a girl right. Be confident in yourself. Work on your security as a man, and cover yourself mind/body/soul everyday. It works. Also, be a beast in the sack. That helps.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> The force is strong with this one.


The problem is this is SO easy for me to see with people around me. I can watch a room and within a minute or two have it completely sized up as to who thinks what about whom. I know which guys will break ice to which girls, I can see plainly which girls are flirting back, I know which ones will hook up.

Where my vision is clouded by the dark side is how exactly those people reconnect after they leave the place, I never have seen anyone trading numbers, never heard people arranging dates. I have overheard "you want to go out sometime" and I've heard many replies in the affirmative, but how they make that happen is a big mystery to me. 

The other big problem for me is that in my visions it is never me in the first person role. I've never been able to be aware of any of this when I am personally involved, it is simply just a big immemorable awkward fumbling of social peristalsis.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> That description Mister Dis gave on how to keep a woman "in line" with impending doom sounds like an abuser.
> 
> And you guys need to slow down. I work for 30min come back and there are 6 more pages to go through!!!
> 
> And Bandit - no pedestals. She is drama, like 3x says. Be careful. (if she wasn't about drama, she wouldn't have called you wasted from the wedding with another dude around and then ignore your texts for almost 2 days)
> 
> DRAMA!
> 
> Bang the f* out of her but don't get your heart involved


So you are saying that Dis is being bad, then you advise Bandit to do exactly as Dis suggests.

Got it, go by how women react, not what they say!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> Since some of the ladies are asking if us men would approach them, what is the best way to approach? You never know who is in a relationship and who is single. Rejection sucks and that can make some guys shy about making a move. That and I am in the broken flirter club. I have no clue if someone is just being polite or if she is flirting. Add it all together and I very rarely if ever approach any woman.


Rejection? Walk up, shake their hand, and say "Hello, I'm ****." Easy. You shouldn't be walking up to girls with the soul purpose of dating them/getting their number. You should be expanding your social circle. It's fairly easy to make friends, right?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> My GF says I have daggers that shoot out of my eyes when I am not amused lol
> I have also killed small animals with just a gaze.


So, like a baby Chuck Norris?


----------



## Disenchanted

All I can say is that nothing any woman has ever told me about how to get a woman has ever gotten me a woman.

And I have no shortage of women.

What I posted is true, but should be applied judiciously. It is not abusive, but is the antidote a man needs to clingy neediness that dries a vagina up faster then you can say "you are so beautiful to me"!


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> The problem is this is SO easy for me to see with people around me. I can watch a room and within a minute or two have it completely sized up as to who thinks what about whom. I know which guys will break ice to which girls, I can see plainly which girls are flirting back, I know which ones will hook up.
> 
> Where my vision is clouded by the dark side is how exactly those people reconnect after they leave the place, I never have seen anyone trading numbers, never heard people arranging dates. I have overheard "you want to go out sometime" and I've heard many replies in the affirmative, but how they make that happen is a big mystery to me.
> 
> The other big problem for me is that in my visions it is never me in the first person role. I've never been able to be aware of any of this when I am personally involved, it is simply just a big immemorable awkward fumbling of social peristalsis.


Thanks Lon, you just described me to a T.
It is so easy to see it all unfold for others, but if I am involved, I am clueless. :scratchhead:


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> So you are saying that Dis is being bad, then you advise Bandit to do exactly as Dis suggests.
> 
> Got it, go by how women react, not what they say!


Dis reference was a relationship context from what I could gather, bandit should not get into a relationship with that girl. There is a difference.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> Dis reference was a relationship context from what I could gather, bandit should not get into a relationship with that girl. There is a difference.


It's the attraction building phase of a relationship. Once you have absolute attraction built then you move onto comfort.

All you women think you want comfort off the bat but you're wrong.

ETA a man wants to build as much attraction in his woman as he can while he decides what he wants to do with her long term.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Disenchanted said:


> All I can say is that nothing any woman has ever told me about how to get a woman has ever gotten me a woman.
> 
> And I have no shortage of women.
> 
> What I posted is true, but should be applied judiciously. It is not abusive, but is the antidote a man needs to clingy neediness that dries a vagina up faster then you can say "you are so beautiful to me"!


Yeah. I had no shortage of women either before the current. However, the quality was a big lacking factor. And, you are right....clingy, needy, is awful.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: This is very tree-hugger of you, Bandit.
> 
> Dear God. This may be worse than I thought.


It's no big thing. I've been playing since high school. Name a song and I can play it. 

Don't tell me you wouldn't like having a guy play guitar and sing to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Disenchanted said:


> It's the attraction building phase of a relationship. Once you have absolute attraction built then you move onto comfort.
> 
> All you women think you want comfort off the bat but you're wrong.


This is truth. One thing my gf said to me about 6 months in was how at the start she felt so insecure around me. And, that girl is not an insecure person.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> I have not!
> 
> I'm just pissed at myself for being weak and giving into the vag.
> 
> We men spend nine months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. I'm no exception. I hate not being able to say no. I'm a slvt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


B I'm with Cladan right here. Depends what you want. If you give in anytime she calls she will have you rapped on her little finger. If you don't ...well..what I can tell you since I was 20 something I was "head over hills" with a guy (my age then) who would do anything for me except sex. My mind was completely warped up in him until he became my boyfriend and I learned he was a hot guy with a lot of issues....This is another story


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> We may not agree with his methods, but if what he says is true, he has throngs of women lined up and wanting him.
> 
> As sad as it is, there is some truth to what Dis wrote.


Throngs of women. in my experience, the only way a man attracts a "throng" is through looks and not game. Game/methodology only comes into play after your looks have been vetted and approved. 

I'm curious as to which of the two (game/looks) he has used to attract his throngs.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Dis reference was a relationship context from what I could gather, bandit should not get into a relationship with that girl. There is a difference.


But then you advised him to keep having a sexual relationship with her.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> But then you advised him to keep having a sexual relationship with her.


yes sex, not emotions. There is a difference between getting needs met and then getting involved and putting the p*ssy on a pedestal.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> ETA a man wants to build as much attraction in his woman as he can while he decides what he wants to do with her long term.


And while he's busy "deciding what he wants to do with her" she may "decide" she is done with him. 



Another Planet said:


> what I have found is you can flirt with me until you are blue in the face but if I am not interested I will probably just casually raise my eyebrow and go "hmmm that's funny".....


Me, too. If it's simply not there for me, I can't be bothered.


----------



## edgya1234

For my friends in here: I am in the clouds. They love me at my favorite business school. I've just finished the interview with the coordinator and she is fabulous. O.M.G. I can't wait for the next month


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> yes sex, not emotions. There is a difference between getting needs met and then getting involved and putting the p*ssy on a pedestal.


So, like what Dis said then: get in there but keep her at a distance if he wants to keep the good thing going.


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> All I can say is that nothing any woman has ever told me about how to get a woman has ever gotten me a woman.
> 
> And I have no shortage of women.
> 
> What I posted is true, but should be applied judiciously. It is not abusive, but is the antidote a man needs to clingy neediness that dries a vagina up faster then you can say "you are so beautiful to me"!


You are the guy with the angel right? My suggestion: create a FUN club And make them pay a fee...ha, ha


----------



## Fenix

edgya1234 said:


> @lisab well maybe I am a little jumpy from work, being tired and from the fact that some of the ladies here have been "very nicely" implying that I am anything from flirt to troll...so my bad.
> 
> @RandomDude - I apologize for my error of jumping to conclusion. In my defense because I am new, and somehow I've broken some unwritten rules, I have been the punching bag of some ladies on this forum.


edgya, you are Romanian, Blonde and in Spain. 'Nuff said on what those ladies' issues are.  eta: to be clear, I thought you meant you were having some issues with people at work and that has bled over to sensitivity here. Not that the women here had those issues.

FWIW, I haven't seen you be much of a punching bag. Maybe you just need a thicker skin as message boards can be a bit rowdy. It is hard breaking into a new scene, esp. on with such an established inner circle as this one. It takes time but no worries on that. I am new too.  Also, not everyone will like you. Just remember...that is ok. So, chin up and keep participating!! Ignore any perceived pot shots and have fun with those you get on well with.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> So, like what Dis said then: get in there but keep her at a distance if he wants to keep the good thing going.


You and Vi are coming at this from different directions.

Dis was essentially saying that you should "game" a woman to keep her interested. And Vi is saying that is bunk and kind of mean.

You mention "keep a good thing going" but Vi is talking about just sex, not a relationship. Two different things.

Also, I will say, any guy who feels he has to make me feel "insecure" to keep my interest (aka "negging") is automatically off the list. I don't have time to waste w/ someone who gets off on making me feel bad. He will certainly not be getting me off. Attraction killer.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> So, like what Dis said then: get in there but keep her at a distance if he wants to keep the good thing going.


I guess so, but I was more referring to Bandit keeping his distance for his own emotional safety. Why play the attraction game like Dis is suggesting if she has super bad red flags? 

I don't see how just keeping her around to f* is the same as what Dis is saying.

ETA - Thanks JB, that is where I'm coming from.


----------



## jpr

Sniff. Sniff.

What's that smell???.......Oh! I know! Soomeone's pants are on fire.

Fantastical stories of exploits and romps..bragging about how the opposite sex finds you absolutely irresistable.......I smell pants on fire. 

Authenticity people.

Let's get real.


----------



## bandit.45

I'm not letting myself slip into a deep relationship with her. She was there , we were horny and we had sex. She's got a rockin body that's hard to resist. I'm in shape and feeling good and I had the urge to merge. 

I just get ticked off when I can't control the urge. I made it clear to her that we aren't exclusive, but that I demand respectful treatment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> You and Vi are coming at this from different directions.
> 
> Dis was essentially saying that you should "game" a woman to keep her interested. And Vi is saying that is bunk and kind of mean.
> 
> You mention "keep a good thing going" but Vi is talking about just sex, not a relationship. Two different things.
> 
> Also, I will say, any guy who feels he has to make me feel "insecure" to keep my interest (aka "negging") is automatically off the list. I don't have time to waste w/ someone who gets off on making me feel bad. He will certainly not be getting me off. Attraction killer.


I was coming at it from the direction Dis was coming at it. Vi is coming at it from the angle of "this should be automatically ingrained into guys without the need to actually describe the behavior using actual words, because it sounds scary and abusive when you do"

And I have no idea how you ladies can so faithfully compartmentalize sex from relationships... To me they are completely interdependent.


----------



## Ikaika

If I were here as anything but a party crasher, my motivation in any relationship would start with, sanity. Maybe it is an age thing or maybe a been there done that kind of thing. But, sanity rules for me.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Sniff. Sniff.
> 
> What's that smell???.......Oh! I know! Soomeone's pants are on fire.
> 
> Fantastical stories of exploits and romps..bragging about how the opposite sex finds you absolutely irresistable.......I smell pants on fire.
> 
> Authenticity people.
> 
> Let's get real.


My pants are on fire but it's only because of the bedroom gymnastics I've been getting in every night and morning since Friday


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Also, I will say, any guy who feels he has to make me feel "insecure" to keep my interest (aka "negging") is automatically off the list. I don't have time to waste w/ someone who gets off on making me feel bad. He will certainly not be getting me off. Attraction killer.


Quite honestly, I didn't know I made her insecure. I was very communicative on where I was. You can't "make" someone insecure. They do that on their own.


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> Sniff. Sniff.
> 
> What's that smell???.......Oh! I know! Soomeone's pants are on fire.
> 
> Fantastical stories of exploits and romps..bragging about how the opposite sex finds you absolutely irresistable.......I smell pants on fire.
> 
> Authenticity people.
> 
> Let's get real.


Sniff sniff....

I smell a jpr!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not letting myself slip into a deep relationship with her. She was there , we were horny and we had sex. She's got a rockin body that's hard to resist. I'm in shape and feeling good and I had the urge to merge.


Word. 



Lon said:


> I was coming at it from the direction Dis was coming at it.


I was just explaining the differences between what you guys were saying. It's cool. We can all agree to disagree. 



Lon said:


> And I have no idea how you ladies can so faithfully compartmentalize sex from relationships... To me they are completely interdependent.


Eh, don't put all people in the same box. I personally am not built for random sex. I can appreciate others who do and whatnot, but it's not for me.


----------



## jpr

Hmmmmm.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Sniff sniff....
> 
> I smell a jpr!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is that what that pleasant aroma is?


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> Is that what that pleasant aroma is?


Cracker jacks and lemons.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Dedicated2Her said:


> Quite honestly, I didn't know I made her insecure. I was very communicative on where I was. You can't "make" someone insecure. They do that on their own.


Oh I wasn't referring to you, Dedicated. You sound like a solid guy, one who treats his woman with respect and I find that really admirable. Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you. 

I was referring to the idea that a man should keep a woman in a constant state of confusion and negging and guessing in order to get her to more attracted to them. I find this to be "games."



vi_bride04 said:


> B/c I'm broken and am able to separate my emotions in that fashion.
> 
> Like I've said in previous posts, I can have sex with strangers. But get freaked out if they want to cuddle/hug/sleep (zzz) together. That type of intamacy = emotional connection to me. Where as sex is sex is sex and just getting needs met.
> 
> I'M BROKEN!!!! Thats all it comes down to really.


I wouldn't say you are "broken." I would just say we all have different ways of going about things. But I still think you should try dating someone a few times and then sleeping with them to see if the experience is different, since you have wanted to try something new for awhile. Likewise, maybe I should try something new. I am telling you. We need to Freaky Friday our approaches, Vi. LOL.


----------



## unsure78

currently too many gentleman to handle.... double booked already just to talk on the phone.... should take profile down.. two dates scheduled... talking to another two... at least one other real potential emailing...

lol jelly can i pass you some to field for me?


----------



## Jellybeans

Send them my way, Unsure. I'll weed out the ones that are HELL NO right away for you.

Only the best for my lady.


----------



## edgya1234

Fenix said:


> edgya, you are Romanian, Blonde and in Spain. 'Nuff said on what those ladies' issues are.
> 
> FWIW, I haven't seen you be much of a punching bag. Maybe you just need a thicker skin as message boards can be a bit rowdy. It is hard breaking into a new scene, esp. on with such an established inner circle as this one. It takes time but no worries on that. I am new too.  Also, not everyone will like you. Just remember...that is ok. So, chin up and keep participating!! Ignore any perceived pot shots and have fun with those you get on well with.


Yes this is true although I died my hair a little darker two weeks ago Although now I am in Romania selling the cars, renting the house and my all time favorite apostilling all my credentials for MBA. 
Thanks Fenix.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> currently too many gentleman to handle.... double booked already just to talk on the phone.... should take profile down.. two dates scheduled... talking to another two... at least one other real potential emailing...
> 
> lol jelly can i pass you some to field for me?


So still nothing from your bf? Did you break up with him officially? 

Sucks you have to get back out there but looks like you have some potentials!


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> You and Vi are coming at this from different directions.
> 
> Dis was essentially saying that you should "game" a woman to keep her interested. And Vi is saying that is bunk and kind of mean.
> 
> You mention "keep a good thing going" but Vi is talking about just sex, not a relationship. Two different things.
> 
> Also, I will say, any guy who feels he has to make me feel "insecure" to keep my interest (aka "negging") is automatically off the list. I don't have time to waste w/ someone who gets off on making me feel bad. He will certainly not be getting me off. Attraction killer.


I agree. I hate feeling insecure. In fact, I almost always remove myself from circumstances where I feel insecure. Unless of course I'm getting laid, in which case I would remain physically attached, but would detach emotionally. I don't handle insecurity very well - I think too much.


----------



## caladan

jpr said:


> Sniff. Sniff.
> 
> What's that smell???.......Oh! I know! Soomeone's pants are on fire.
> 
> Fantastical stories of exploits and romps..bragging about how the opposite sex finds you absolutely irresistable.......I smell pants on fire.
> 
> Authenticity people.
> 
> Let's get real.


How's being single working out for you JPR? 

Heh


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> And while he's busy "deciding what he wants to do with her" she may "decide" she is done with him.


That is true captain obvious.


----------



## bandit.45

Holy crap. They're sending me to run a job in Denver in two weeks. 

Guess that will solve my Syrian dilemma. I'll be out of town for six weeks. I wonder what the women in Denver are like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> I guess so, but I was more referring to Bandit keeping his distance for his own emotional safety. Why play the attraction game like Dis is suggesting if she has super bad red flags?
> 
> I don't see how just keeping her around to f* is the same as what Dis is saying.
> 
> ETA - Thanks JB, that is where I'm coming from.


At the bottom of it, what I am saying is keep your (the guy) distance emotionally. Same thing yo uare saying.

It's too tempting for a guy to pedestalize a woman, there has to be balance. I know my advice sounds harsh to you women, but it is how a man keeps himself at a distance and in control.


----------



## Disenchanted

jpr said:


> Sniff. Sniff.
> 
> What's that smell???.......Oh! I know! Soomeone's pants are on fire.
> 
> Fantastical stories of exploits and romps..bragging about how the opposite sex finds you absolutely irresistable.......I smell pants on fire.
> 
> Authenticity people.
> 
> Let's get real.


I am authentic.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> So still nothing from your bf? Did you break up with him officially?
> 
> Sucks you have to get back out there but looks like you have some potentials!


Nope... he was deleted after no response in 24 hrs.... though he has not gotten back online, either he found someone else, is just that big of an a$$, or is just that busy... really doesn't matter at this point... actions not words
..truly he did not make enough time in his life for a realtionship....and im guessing why he has had nothing substantial post D...

I got back online end of this weekend, since i was stuck at home with a sick kid.... you know me though dates are always easy to get for me  we will see if any make it past first date.... best potential I see is a hs chem teacher, we will most likely hit it off...


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Eh, don't put all people in the same box. I personally am not built for random sex. I can appreciate others who do and whatnot, but it's not for me.



Random sex. Random. Not a pleasant word. 

For me, there's daylight between a deep relationship and random sex. There's a possibility for casual relationships for example - exclusive (or not) without being too serious. I tend to angle towards FWB situations, with a strong emphasis on the F part.


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> Holy crap. They're sending me to run a job in Denver in two weeks.
> 
> Guess that will solve my Syrian dilemma. I'll be out of town for six weeks. I wonder what the women in Denver are like?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Awesome.

I mean, except for the crazy ones....

And the tree-huggy granola hippy dippy ones....

But most are pretty dang cool.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I wouldn't say you are "broken." I would just say we all have different ways of going about things.


No, I am. I don't see how healthy people can completely seperate sex and emotion the way I do. I never used to be like this...well this bad at least. 

Like Lon said - its baffling since they should be interdependent. 

Yes they should be and I really feel ashamed that I can't seem to think or feel that same way. Just absolutely ashamed. Would I feel this way if I was a guy? I don't know. Just seems way more acceptable for men to be emotionless sex gods than women.

I don't like crying at work so I have to stop talking about this. Don't feel like diving into my demons today. I have no idea why I am so upset at the moment. I just feel worthless.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> No, I am. I don't see how healthy people can completely seperate sex and emotion the way I do. I never used to be like this...well this bad at least.
> 
> Like Lon said - its baffling since they should be interdependent.
> 
> Yes they should be and I really feel ashamed that I can't seem to think or feel that same way. Just absolutely ashamed. Would I feel this way if I was a guy? I don't know. Just seems way more acceptable for men to be emotionless sex gods than women.
> 
> I don't like crying at work so I have to stop talking about this. Don't feel like diving into my demons today. I have no idea why I am so upset at the moment. I just feel worthless.


cause you are hitting your core issue right now....

hugs..


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> No, I am. I don't see how healthy people can completely seperate sex and emotion the way I do. I never used to be like this...well this bad at least.
> 
> Like Lon said - its baffling since they should be interdependent.
> 
> Yes they should be and I really feel ashamed that I can't seem to think or feel that same way. Just absolutely ashamed. Would I feel this way if I was a guy? I don't know. Just seems way more acceptable for men to be emotionless sex gods than women.
> 
> I don't like crying at work so I have to stop talking about this. Don't feel like diving into my demons today. I have no idea why I am so upset at the moment. I just feel worthless.


Weirdly, I've almost always done this, though somewhat differently. I've had people in my life I was sexually intimate with that we both knew was a temporary thing for whatever reason. I've also had that other experience - the random girl who decides you're the one she wants to leave the bar/party/club with, but that was a while ago. And then of course there's the other side - people who think a kiss implies that you both have a deep connection and are meant to bond for life.

It's complicated. We're wired differently and handle our pleasures differently. I honestly don't consider you broken in any manner, just maybe different from many/most perhaps.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> No, I am. I don't see how healthy people can completely seperate sex and emotion the way I do. I never used to be like this...well this bad at least.


Sounds like you are having sex with the wrong person/people.



vi_bride04 said:


> Like Lon said - its baffling since they should be interdependent.
> 
> Yes they should be and I really feel ashamed that I can't seem to think or feel that same way. Just absolutely ashamed. Would I feel this way if I was a guy? I don't know. Just seems way more acceptable for men to be emotionless sex gods than women.


I consider myself a sex god, I am man, but I do not separate sex from emotion. I tend to become clingy,needy, even possesive, and need to fight that urge when I have really good sex with someone I really really like. It's a lot of work actually.

But I have had sex with the wrong person before and there was no connection even after sex.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> At the bottom of it, what I am saying is keep your (the guy) distance emotionally. Same thing yo uare saying.


That's not what I was saying. Maybe my articulation is just off today.



Disenchanted said:


> It's too tempting for a guy to pedestalize a woman, there has to be balance. I know my advice sounds harsh to you women, but it is how a man keeps himself at a distance and in control.


See, this exact approach is what I think Social Media Guy was doing to me... keeping his distance, hot and colding me with me and when he came around again while he was "deciding" as you say, I told him I wasn't interested, that I did not think we were compatible, that I had no desire to go out with him again.

He seemed utterly confused and upset.

What's that saying? Be careful with what games you play...someone else might just play them better? (Or do what I do and just walk). My time is precious and I really seriously do not have time to entertain that sh*t.



unsure78 said:


> Nope... he was deleted after no response in 24 hrs.... though he has not gotten back online, either he found someone else, is just that big of an a$$, or is just that busy... really doesn't matter at this point... actions not words
> ..truly he did not make enough time in his life for a realtionship....and im guessing why he has had nothing substantial post D...


:smthumbup:

As I say, NEXT.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> That's not what I was saying. Maybe my articulation is just off today.


was taking to Vi.





Jellybeans said:


> See, this exact approach is what I think Social Media Guy was doing to me... keeping his distance, hot and colding me with me and when he came around again while he was "deciding" as you say, I told him I wasn't interested, that I did not find we were compatible, that I had no desire to go out with him again.


I don't think social media guy was doing that at all to be honest. I think he was being socially retarded.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> was taking to Vi.
> 
> I don't think social media guy was doing that at all to be honest. * I think he was being socially retarded*.


Ha. Touché.

Then he started blowing up my phone. 

Went straight to voicemail. Delete.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> That's not what I was saying. Maybe my articulation is just off today.
> 
> 
> 
> See, this exact approach is what I think Social Media Guy was doing to me... keeping his distance, hot and colding me with me and when he came around again while he was "deciding" as you say, I told him I wasn't interested, that I did not think we were compatible, that I had no desire to go out with him again.
> 
> He seemed utterly confused and upset.
> 
> What's that saying: be careful with what games you play...someone else might just play them better? (Or do what I do and just walk). My time is precious and I really seriously do not have time to entertain that sh*t.
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> As I say, NEXT.


You know - women play these games too. I've seen the other side where women have a sliding scale of different blokes being evaluated by whatever metric they're interested in.

I think I would have a clear game plan from day one - any lady would know exactly what I felt about her. In reality, it's always a risk. There's a chance that you would have walked away from your SMG regardless, so for some of us, it's better when you get dumped before committing to anything. 

I do feel that every connection needs to be judged on it's own merit however, one size/method/gameplan doesn't fit all.


----------



## Another Planet

Work out question for the guys, and take it to pm's if you want. 
But after this long work winter I have developed really bad tennis elbow in my left arm. I cannot seem to be able to do any bicep curls of any form or tricep work, even pushups kill me. I just had to take off another 3 weeks from working out and I don't want to have to do that anymore. 
I seem to be able to do bench just fine which hits my triceps enough and do a lot of back work ie db rows, tbar rows, pulldowns which hit my bi's pretty good. 
I'm just wondering if any one knows of some other indirect work outs I can do to hit the bi's and tri's that might not bug my tennis elbow until it heals up more?


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Ha. Touché.
> 
> Then he started blowing up my phone.
> 
> Went straight to voicemail. Delete.


Oh dear. Poor guy. Poor you.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> What's that saying? Be careful with what games you play...someone else might just play them better? (Or do what I do and just walk). My time is precious and I really seriously do not have time to entertain that sh*t.
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> As I say, NEXT.


I recently dated a smoking hot woman, self made successful business owner. She had everything going for her. I stopped seeing her because she didn't know how to have fun, or didn't have time for fun, or whatever. I told her "I don't have time to waste with someone who doesn't know how to have fun".

It's all good though, cause she "didn't have time to entertain that sh*t" so we weren't compatible. No harm done.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> You know - women play these games too. I've seen the other side where women have a sliding scale of different blokes being evaluated by whatever metric they're interested in.


True, people of both genders play games. I personally think it's a waste of time, trying to "game" someone in order to get them interested in you. 

I like to be straight up with people. If I am not into a guy I tell him. Why? Because it's the decent, human thing to do. Same with if I don't want to keep seeing someone--I just lay it out on the line.

There is nothing worse to me than stringing someone along or fading someone out. Why? Because I wouldn't want it done to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> I recently dated a smoking hot woman, self made successful business owner. She had everything going for her. I stopped seeing her because she didn't know how to have fun, or didn't have time for fun, or whatever.


I wouldn't want to date someone either who doesn't know how to have fun.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> True, people of both genders play games. I personally think it's a waste of time, trying to "game" someone in order to get them interested in you.
> 
> I like to be straight up with people. If I am not into a guy I tell him. Why? Because it's the decent, human thing to do. Same with if I don't want to keep seeing someone--I just lay it out on the line.
> 
> There is nothing worse to me than stringing someone along or fading someone out. Why? Because I wouldn't want it done to me.


Get out of my mind!!! 

Dang it, now I have an urge to eat some Jelly beans. :rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Work out question.....


I use the H.I.T. workout regimen, it works great. I hear it's really good for weak joints but have never had them so am not sure.

Here are the 5 main exercises that should be done:


Leg Press
Bench Press
Pull down
Overhead Press
Seated Row

High Intensity Training at Ideal Exercise of Seattle - Critical MAS

The theory goes that compound exercises are at the core of a good workout, single joint exercises don't even really need to be done. I do however do curl and tri pull downs too, but try to focus mainly on the compound movements.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> True, people of both genders play games. I personally think it's a waste of time, trying to "game" someone in order to get them interested in you.
> 
> I like to be straight up with people. If I am not into a guy I tell him. Why? Because it's the decent, human thing to do. Same with if I don't want to keep seeing someone--I just lay it out on the line.
> 
> There is nothing worse to me than stringing someone along or fading someone out. Why? Because I wouldn't want it done to me.


Ah, I see what you mean. Gaming people to keep them interested? No. But staying cool so as not to appear needy is also really close isn't it? If you know that women are turned off by needy guys, then appearing "not needy" is a means of endearing oneself to said women.

I'm not disagreeing with you or anything, just - sometimes one person's attempt to seem relevant and nice may be misinterpreted as negging. I think.


----------



## Jellybeans

Just for you, Musk.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Work out question for the guys, and take it to pm's if you want.
> But after this long work winter I have developed really bad tennis elbow in my left arm. I cannot seem to be able to do any bicep curls of any form or tricep work, even pushups kill me. I just had to take off another 3 weeks from working out and I don't want to have to do that anymore.
> I seem to be able to do bench just fine which hits my triceps enough and do a lot of back work ie db rows, tbar rows, pulldowns which hit my bi's pretty good.
> I'm just wondering if any one knows of some other indirect work outs I can do to hit the bi's and tri's that might not bug my tennis elbow until it heals up more?


Firstly I'll suggest seeing a physician if you haven't because regardless of what anyone tells you, there could be several things at play.

I've actually had this problem (a year ago it as bad) primarily in my left arm and eventually it went to my right as well. I couldn't lift a damn thing when it came to biceps.

Eventually I started talking to one of the fellow gym rats and he made the comment that he didn't really see me working out my forearms. He suggested I start out light (as it did hurt from being so sore) and see how it went.

At the time I couldn't do reverse bicep curls so I stuck to behind the back barbell wrist curls and seated wrist curls. I also grabbed 2 stacks of 5 lbs plates (4 in each stack) and held them for a total of 1 minute, 4 sets. If I couldn't hold for the full minute I'd set them down for a couple seconds and then pick them back up. Eventually I graduated to 3 10 lbs plates.

This may or may not help you but it's what did it for me, at times I still get a bit of forearm pain and I'll wrap it up at work for a few hours to give it support.

I've also adopted the use of lifting straps for deadlifts, shrugs and other exercises as I'm working out my forearms weekly on their own.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> I'm not disagreeing with you or anything, just - sometimes one person's attempt to seem relevant and nice may be misinterpreted as negging.


There is nothing nice about negging. Negging is purposely putting someone down.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> There is nothing nice about negging. Negging is purposely putting someone down.


How about teasing? Do you think teasing is totally inappropriate?


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Just for you, Musk.


You're such a tease.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> How about teasing? Do you think teasing is totally inappropriate?


I think it depends on the person "reading" the game no?

If it's seen as teasing, it'll be acceptable. If on the other hand it's seen as negging....


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> I think it depends on the person "reading" the game no?
> 
> If it's seen as teasing, it'll be acceptable. If on the other hand it's seen as negging....


The word "negging" is just a misogynistic way of saying teasing.

And of course everyone likes a little light hearted teasing when accompanied by friendly intentions.

It's all about setting the frame, and if you "neg" in a fun way it is not a bad thing. There is a lot of confusion on the part of the ladies in this thread on this.

When you are being properly negged it will make you laugh and enjoy yourself, you will be attracted to the guy doing it because it will be fun.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> The word "negging" is just a misogynistic way of saying teasing.
> 
> And of course everyone likes a little light hearted teasing when accompanied by friendly intentions.
> 
> It's all about setting the frame, and if you "neg" in a fun way it is not a bad thing. There is a lot of confusion on the part of the ladies in this thread on this.
> 
> When you are being properly negged it will make you laugh and enjoy yourself, you will be attracted to the guy doing it because it will be fun.


Umm Dis, why misogynistic? I thought negging wasn't gender specific?


----------



## Disenchanted

caladan said:


> Umm Dis, why misogynistic? I thought negging wasn't gender specific?


I've never really heard it used as a method that women employ.

It's misogynistic because we guys have to fight like hell over the fact that women pretty much control everything so we stick together and make up anti women sh!t so that we have a fighting chance to get what we want and only they can give us.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Lon said:


> Speaking for myself, I absolutely would strike up a conversation with you if you looked like you wanted to strike up a conversation. That means 1) looking up from your iPhone and making some sort of eye contact 2) looking like you are not angry about making eye contact with me 3) have an open body language.
> 
> Now, I'm pretty timid and would be fearful of offending you so would likely keep to myself unless you gave #4) the tiniest tibdit to go on - something like a) maintaining that eye contact for a second longer than normal b) holding up your coffee to your mouth without drinking it c) blowing on your coffee like its too hot d) anything that gives me any reason to think the risk of breaching contact may be worth the reward of knowing you, or even just saying hello.


Thanks! I know that was for coffee, but still... you are the type of guy I would be trying to attract so your advice is particularly helpful. Unfortunately that you a) live in another country, b) are taken. But I'm glad you met someone.


----------



## Disenchanted

Disenchanted said:


> Am I bad? I took my date last night to the same Nordstrom changing room that I took Mermaid to.





Jellybeans said:


> Some women like shoes. Some prefer steak.


Some like both. Check these cute sandals out. Got these for my date last night, to go with the little dress we picked out for her.

Clothes shopping is my number one favorite date.


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> I've never really heard it used as a method that women employ.
> 
> It's misogynistic because we guys have to fight like hell over the fact that women pretty much control everything so we stick together and make up anti women sh!t so that we have a fighting chance to get what we want and only they can give us.


Men do stick together, women don't. And women do employ that method and very well
Ah women stick together to hurt another woman, a man that dumped one of the group etc. 
You all know the saying" hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> No, I am. I don't see how healthy people can completely seperate sex and emotion the way I do. I never used to be like this...well this bad at least.
> 
> Like Lon said - its baffling since they should be interdependent.
> 
> Yes they should be and I really feel ashamed that I can't seem to think or feel that same way. Just absolutely ashamed. Would I feel this way if I was a guy? I don't know. Just seems way more acceptable for men to be emotionless sex gods than women.
> 
> I don't like crying at work so I have to stop talking about this. Don't feel like diving into my demons today. I have no idea why I am so upset at the moment. I just feel worthless.


Vi, whoa you are looking at it way too deeply. If that is how you feel, like you can separate the two so easily, well don't feel ashamed for anything, it is what it is. If you don't like it than change what you can but never see yourself as broken because we are all just doing the best we know how even at times when we are unmotivated and do nothing.

As for my judgements, they are mine, abd I am equally as baffled as to how any guy can separate the sex from emotions too, certainly no gender bias for me on this subject.

Just do what you think is right, and if something feels wrong then realize that for you maybe it is wrong, but no point in ever beating yourself up about it. And if something feels right and someone tells you it's wrong then ignore them, do what is right for you always. If you feel like you have demons, get help and work them out, but I can tell you for a fact you worth more than your weight in gold, and have never nor ever will be worthless.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> It's the attraction building phase of a relationship. Once you have absolute attraction built then you move onto comfort.
> 
> All you women think you want comfort off the bat but you're wrong.
> 
> ETA a man wants to build as much attraction in his woman as he can while he decides what he wants to do with her long term.


This is how I think I am, except that I over analyze everything, maybe that is why I was freaking out with blue eyes, too much comfort on his part way too soon.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Some like both. Check these cute sandals out. Got these for my date last night, to go with the little dress we picked out for her.
> 
> Clothes shopping is my number one favorite date.


That's funny, I love clothes shopping with my partner. I always thought I was weird. Something about buying her the sexy ass outfit that I am going to tear off of her later...well maybe leave the shoes on


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> This is how I think I am, except that I over analyze everything, maybe that is why I was freaking out with blue eyes, too much comfort on his part way too soon.


They say that very beautiful women really like to chase a man, I guess it's true.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

edgya1234 said:


> Men do stick together, women don't. And women do employ that method and very well
> Ah women stick together to hurt another woman, a man that dumped one of the group etc.
> You all know the saying" hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"


I disagree. Well, to an extent. I see this more in very young women and insecure and/or bitter older women. I have to say I have been very fortunate to not have to deal with this beyond high school. 

Now at my age, I don't want to hurt anyone. Male or female. I want to focus more on positive, productive feelings and actions. Women who are mean don't matter to me. I'm not mean back and if they feel mean, there is probably a reason and it's internal - not something I did or didn't do. The women I work with and are friends with are all pretty well balanced and we are the kind of group that props each other up, not that tears anyone down.


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> That's funny, I love clothes shopping with my partner. I always thought I was weird. Something about buying her the sexy ass outfit that I am going to tear off of her later...well maybe leave the shoes on


EXACTLY! I love it!

Last night was super funny. We picked out about 12-15 dresses for her to try on. I knew which one _I_ wanted so I put it on her last. And of course it was the best one by far and she loved it too.

I love the customer service at Nordstrom, they gave us the handicapped dressing room, just like a year ago.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Some like both. Check these cute sandals out. Got these for my date last night, to go with the little dress we picked out for her.
> 
> Clothes shopping is my number one favorite date.


Umm.. they'd look fabulous on you Dis. Heh.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> Some like both. Check these cute sandals out. Got these for my date last night, to go with the little dress we picked out for her.
> 
> Clothes shopping is my number one favorite date.


WTF??
You buy shoes for your dates? Maybe we should go on a date, I have been eyeing a nice pair of Ariat cowboy boots


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> WTF??
> You buy shoes for your dates? Maybe we should go on a date, I have been eyeing a nice pair of Ariat cowboy boots


Well if you had read my original thread a year ago you would know that I have a thing for lady's shoes. I got a super crazy awesome punker kind of wedge for the girl I was seeing back then, and I was super pleased that she didn't take them off all night.

So if you want shoes on a date with me, well, ahem, there are certain expectations.


----------



## edgya1234

EnjoliWoman said:


> I disagree. Well, to an extent. I see this more in very young women and insecure and/or bitter older women. I have to say I have been very fortunate to not have to deal with this beyond high school.
> 
> Now at my age, I don't want to hurt anyone. Male or female. I want to focus more on positive, productive feelings and actions. Women who are mean don't matter to me. I'm not mean back and if they feel mean, there is probably a reason and it's internal - not something I did or didn't do. The women I work with and are friends with are all pretty well balanced and we are the kind of group that props each other up, not that tears anyone down.


To an extent That saying has to come from somewhere Older women are great. They are full of wisdom. Younger women - maybe in terms of high school which I assume we all passed


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Vi, whoa you are looking at it way too deeply. If that is how you feel, like you can separate the two so easily, well don't feel ashamed for anything, it is what it is. If you don't like it than change what you can but never see yourself as broken because we are all just doing the best we know how even at times when we are unmotivated and do nothing.
> 
> As for my judgements, they are mine, abd I am equally as baffled as to how any guy can separate the sex from emotions too, certainly no gender bias for me on this subject.
> 
> Just do what you think is right, and if something feels wrong then realize that for you maybe it is wrong, but no point in ever beating yourself up about it. And if something feels right and someone tells you it's wrong then ignore them, do what is right for you always. If you feel like you have demons, get help and work them out, but I can tell you for a fact you worth more than your weight in gold, and have never nor ever will be worthless.


In a way is true. Because love & lust both come from "the so called primordial brain" the amygdala which is responsible for primordial response. The cortex does not always respond the way we want although there is part of cortex responsible for metabolizing dopamine. 
What I am trying to say is that sometimes our primordial brain is responsible for our action and that part runs reproduction in both men and women. 
@vi so although things seem really bad from time to time they are normal human physiology


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> True, people of both genders play games. I personally think it's a waste of time, trying to "game" someone in order to get them interested in you.
> 
> I like to be straight up with people. If I am not into a guy I tell him. Why? Because it's the decent, human thing to do. Same with if I don't want to keep seeing someone--I just lay it out on the line.
> 
> There is nothing worse to me than stringing someone along or fading someone out. Why? Because I wouldn't want it done to me.


Bingo!

And now we've come full circle. For me, the controlling factor is that the other party shows some interest in me, in a manner that I understand. I'm of the opinion that most women _know_ in the first 5-10 minutes of a conversation whether or not they want to shag you. I believe there are redeeming things that can move you from total "random guy in the corner" into friendzone, but not into "I could bang his brains out" territory, that's pretty much hard wired. That said, it's very possible to be chucked out of the "I could bang him" zone. One way traffic, heh.

So I guess the challenge some of you ladies would face is to be able to convey that "you're in the shag zone" message to blokes.

This doesn't necessarily hold for blokes because the average bloke (I can only speak for myself of course) would bang almost anything human and interested...


----------



## ne9907

caladan said:


> Bingo!
> 
> And now we've come full circle. For me, the controlling factor is that the other party shows some interest in me, in a manner that I understand. *I'm of the opinion that most women know in the first 5-10 minutes of a conversation whether or not they want to shag you*. I believe there are redeeming things that can move you from total "random guy in the corner" into friendzone, but not into "I could bang his brains out" territory, that's pretty much hard wired. That said, it's very possible to be chucked out of the "I could bang him" zone. One way traffic, heh.
> 
> So I guess the challenge some of you ladies would face is to be able to convey that "you're in the shag zone" message to blokes.
> 
> This doesn't necessarily hold for blokes because the average bloke (I can only speak for myself of course) would bang almost anything human and interested...


Perhaps most women. I usually change my mind. Sometimes if I see someone super attractive and think "damn, I would totally hit that" but the person is an idiot or ****y, that thought quickly changes.
Blue eyes, i did not inmediately think I would want him, but he has magical hands.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> The theory goes that compound exercises are at the core of a good workout, single joint exercises don't even really need to be done. I do however do curl and tri pull downs too, but try to focus mainly on the compound movements.


Compound exercises shouldn't be excluded, that's for sure but single joint exercises are still beneficial. Along with being aware of what muscle groups are lagging behind compared to others. That can lead to an imbalance and injuries.


----------



## lisab0105

Do you guys believe monogamy goes against human nature? That we are really just lead by our primal instinct to screw and are not really at fault? We have to train our brains to be faithful?

I ask because I have a line in my mission statement on the website and I am getting pushback from a friend that thinks it is wrong to say *While some claim that monogamy goes against human nature, I believe otherwise. Everyone has a choice when they are in a relationship; to remain faithful and loving to your partner or to dishonor and hurt them in the worst possible way. *

He believes I should stick to scientific facts (that says it DOES goes against human nature) even though I don't believe it to be true.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I think that answer cannot be defined. It's personal and based on perspective.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I think that answer cannot be defined. It's personal and based on perspective.


That's what I thought, and since I built it and run it, I am basing the site off of that belief and if anyone agrees they are more than welcome to join and if they don't, well, bye. 

For sake of not alienating anyone, he thinks I need to make it as non-judgemental as possible. 

Any way, back to shoes and Dis banging his chick in the dressing room


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Compound exercises shouldn't be excluded, that's for sure but single joint exercises are still beneficial. Along with being aware of what muscle groups are lagging behind compared to others. That can lead to an imbalance and injuries.


This is from an injury. It is from shoveling snow for 8+ hrs over and over again this winter plus catching the lip on sidewalks and shocking my elbow and twisting improperly when unloading bags of salt or snowblowers.


----------



## Another Planet

ROFLOLOLOLing


----------



## jpr

You would have to really choke her bandit to make marks. I have done the choking thing several times....i cant imagine being choked hard enough to make marks. That would be dangerously abusive.


----------



## bandit.45

I'm just reporting what she tells me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> ROFLOLOLOLing


:rofl::rofl:

OMG!!! This was made for me


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Syrian just texted me. She is at work and a coworker asked her why she has hand-shaped grip bruises on and around her neck.....
> 
> Hehehehe.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Playing with fire man! I had a crazy little persian Lady for awhile that I have been very reminiscent of while reading your comments. Sex was fantastic but I was somewhat leary of what she was capable of. She liked it rough but I was careful to not leave any misconstruable marks, also bring your own condoms and take em with you after tying them. When she begs you to tie her up use some soft restraints instead of coarse rope


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> PlWhen she begs you to tie her up use some soft restraints instead of coarse rope


I bought these recently, they're really cheap and work wonderfully.

Amazon.com: Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System: Health & Personal Care


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> Omg!!! This was made for me


hehehehe

I know if i hear one more time... you an amazing woman, such a catch...

rolling my eyes....


----------



## muskrat

Bondage tape doesn't leave any marks.......from what I have been told.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> No no tying up. She's not into that. Just my overexhuberence.
> 
> Great.....now everyone thinks I'm a psycho abuser. .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't. My "Whoa Nelly" comes from personal experience of having marks like that on my collar bone one time.

Can't say I didn't enjoy it


----------



## Disenchanted

bandit.45 said:


> No no tying up. She's not into that. Just my overexhuberence.


I bet you're wrong



bandit.45 said:


> Great.....now everyone thinks I'm a psycho abuser. .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't. Women love it when I choke them.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> I bought these recently, they're really cheap and work wonderfully.
> 
> Amazon.com: Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System: Health & Personal Care


My gf and I quip about these often. Any time now one of us will be springing it on the other. Maybe this weekend even.


----------



## Disenchanted

Lon said:


> My gf and I quip about these often. Any time now one of us will be springing it on the other. Maybe this weekend even.


Just be aware that they don't fit a King bed. Luckily my cal king has great big sturdy posts on all four corners baby.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> No no tying up. She's not into that. Just my overexhuberence.
> 
> Great.....now everyone thinks I'm a psycho abuser. .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dont! I think you sound fun! :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lon said:


> My gf and I quip about these often. Any time now one of us will be springing it on the other. Maybe this weekend even.


One of the (many) reasons my marriage broke up. I wanted him to do this sort of stuff with me, and he refused. He made me feel like a freak for wanting it.

Thanks to everybody for making me feel normal


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont! I think you sound fun! :smthumbup:


I agree!


----------



## ne9907

Once, i told ex "I want you to f** so hard, i will feel you in the morning"

He freaked out..... I do like it rough, wonder how it is actually. Havent had it in a long long time.


----------



## muskrat

Here is my funny story about this stuff for those that don't remember hearing it before.
My exw was not into any of these things. Our love life was very vanilla. So fast forward to the dating world. I set up a first date with a lady from a dating site. She lives in another town so I drive there to meet her. We meet and I suggest she takes the lead on our evening activities since I am not familiar with her town. She proceeds to take me to an adult store to do a little shopping. Probably the most unusual first date I ever had. It sure did break the ice though.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> Once, i told .....



which boots did you want?


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Here is my funny story about this stuff for those that don't remember hearing it before.
> My exw was not into any of these things. Our love life was very vanilla. So fast forward to the dating world. I set up a first date with a lady from a dating site. She lives in another town so I drive there to meet her. We meet and I suggest she takes the lead on our evening activities since I am not familiar with her town. She proceeds to talk me to an adult store to do a little shopping. Probably the most unusual first date I ever had. It sure did break the ice though.


That's fun. I've done that with a date before. It's fun to watch them blush when you hold up the Mandingo Warrior dildo to inspect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> One of the (many) reasons my marriage broke up. I wanted him to do this sort of stuff with me, and he refused. He made me feel like a freak for wanting it.
> 
> Thanks to everybody for making me feel normal


For most of my previous relationships I wanted to all this kind of stuff too, but was so ashamed to instigate it even in my marriage despite her being open about any kind of kink, and so I never adventured far and even feigned bashfulness (a little too successfully).

If there is one thing I learned about myself when I discovered my ex was secretly being a pincussion that was getting picked up and used by young well hung hip-hop studs, is that if I'm not indulging in as much hot kinky sex with my partner as I want, then someone else may intercede.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> That's fun. I've done that with a date before. It's fun to watch them blush when you hold up the Mandingo Warrior dildo to inspect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This was a first date and I was the one blushing. I received an education in sex toys that night. :rofl:
I still have some items I bought that night (at her insistence), they have yet to be used.


----------



## Another Planet

Chalk another one up for rough, GF too 
Only problem is she isn't rough enough with me :/ You best be able to hold me down and fck my brains out, hair pulling, nail scratching, neck biting ...ehh maybe she will learn.


----------



## Disenchanted

muskrat said:


> Here is my funny story.......


Did she have an Adam's apple? Just sayin'.


----------



## Disenchanted

Any guys here ever get a tailor made suit? Thinking I should have one and am considering it but don't know a whole lot about it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Disenchanted said:


> Any guys here ever get a tailor made suit? Thinking I should have one and am considering it but don't know a whole lot about it.


I got a new suit in November, we picked one out and they took measurements. Took a day or so to get it back ... is that tailored?

Which now has me thinking, I'm going to a Wine Festival on Saturday and decided to suit up for it. I've lost 10+ lbs since I originally got it, hopefully that doesn't make a huge difference in how it fits.


----------



## Disenchanted

06Daddio08 said:


> I got a new suit in November, we picked one out and they took measurements. Took a day or so to get it back ... is that tailored?
> 
> Which now has me thinking, I'm going to a Wine Festival on Saturday and decided to suit up for it. I've lost 10+ lbs since I originally got it, hopefully that doesn't make a huge difference in how it fits.


That's a tailored suit, not a tailor made suit.

A tailor made suit is made by the tailor and apparently can be more economical then a brand name suit that you have tailored, but I am not sure. When it's tailor made you have a wide range of fabrics which apparently can make it cheap or very expensive.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lon said:


> For most of my previous relationships I wanted to all this kind of stuff too, but was so ashamed to instigate it even in my marriage despite her being open about any kind of kink, and so I never adventured far and even feigned bashfulness (a little too successfully).
> 
> If there is one thing I learned about myself when I discovered my ex was secretly being a pincussion that was getting picked up and used by young well hung hip-hop studs, is that if I'm not indulging in as much hot kinky sex with my partner as I want, then someone else may intercede.


I asked for it. I begged for it. I pleaded for it. He decided that he would just stop fvcking me altogether. What I learned about myself is this: if I'm not getting what I need to be happy in bed, I'm walking away. Nobody is worth this sh!t.

I haven't had sex in almost two years - kinky, vanilla, or otherwise - but at least I don't have to put up with my loser XH anymore, and at least I'm happy. Before, when I was still married, I wasn't getting sex AND I was miserable. I thought I was miserable because I wasn't getting sex, but it turns out they were two separate things.

I miss having sex, but I'm much, much happier now. If only I got laid, I would be fvcking delirious. Literally


----------



## familyfirst09

06Daddio08 said:


> I got a new suit in November, we picked one out and they took measurements. Took a day or so to get it back ... is that tailored?
> 
> Which now has me thinking, I'm going to a Wine Festival on Saturday and decided to suit up for it. I've lost 10+ lbs since I originally got it, hopefully that doesn't make a huge difference in how it fits.



Hey daddy . I've been off for a bit and haven't seen you post in a while and then saw this. Hope all is good in yer neck of the Canadian woods. 10 lbs awesome. Congrats! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Disenchanted said:


> That's a tailored suit, not a tailor made suit.
> 
> A tailor made suit is made by the tailor and apparently can be more economical then a brand name suit that you have tailored, but I am not sure. When it's tailor made you have a wide range of fabrics which apparently can make it cheap or very expensive.


Supposedly, if you travel to southeast Asia, you can get AMAZING tailor made suits for a song.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Hey daddy . I've been off for a bit and haven't seen you post in a while and then saw this. Hope all is good in yer neck of the Canadian woods. 10 lbs awesome. Congrats!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey FF09! I've actually lost 90 lbs so far (yes, I'm bragging haha) and thank you! 

Things in central Canada are going well, joined a few rec league sports and waiting for the weather to warm up so I can go from pasty white to rock lobster. Lol.

How are you?


----------



## Lyris

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian just texted me. She is at work and a coworker asked her why she has hand-shaped grip bruises on and around her neck.....
> 
> Hehehehe.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't belong on this thread, but I heard about all the choking crap that's being lauded to the skies here. If I believed this happened, I'd think it was revolting. But I don't. Because I think you're making the whole thing up.


----------



## Disenchanted

true to your signature


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I have not!
> 
> I'm just pissed at myself for being weak and giving into the vag.
> 
> We men spend nine months trying to get out of a woman and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. I'm no exception. I hate not being able to say no. I'm a slvt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But, at least you're having fun.


----------



## Lyris

That's the hilarious point of my signature Captain Obvious


----------



## Disenchanted

Thanks for stopping in!


----------



## familyfirst09

06Daddio08 said:


> Hey FF09! I've actually lost 90 lbs so far (yes, I'm bragging haha) and thank you!
> 
> Things in central Canada are going well, joined a few rec league sports and waiting for the weather to warm up so I can go from pasty white to rock lobster. Lol.
> 
> How are you?


Oh I hear ya, still waiting for spring here, we had snow last week!! Things are slowly returning to "normal". My mum passed away 2 weeks ago so been rough few weeks. Now just settling back in and helping my dad adjust - they were married 47 years and barely spent a day apart. I miss my mum and will always but not like my dad will. 

90 lbs, you rock!! I'm still battling up and down but I'm relatively happy with where I am, at least I'm not disgusted anyway lol. My sister in vancouver says it's going to be 27 degrees on thursday, maybe they will share some with us eh?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Disenchanted

familyfirst09 said:


> My mum passed away 2 weeks ago so been rough few weeks. Now just settling back in and helping my dad adjust - they were married 47 years and barely spent a day apart. I miss my mum and will always but not like my dad will.


OMFG I am so sorry FF09, that is terrible. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My heart is sinking.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm sorry for your loss FF09, I lost my father when I was 21. Hang in there, the days do get better in time.


----------



## familyfirst09

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm sorry for your loss FF09, I lost my father when I was 21. Hang in there, the days do get better in time.



Thanks big daddy, I really appreciate that. And yes I am sure they will, they always do eventually. As my mum would say "suck it up!!"  and yeah she actually has said that to me lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

familyfirst09 said:


> Oh I hear ya, still waiting for spring here, we had snow last week!! Things are slowly returning to "normal". My mum passed away 2 weeks ago so been rough few weeks. Now just settling back in and helping my dad adjust - they were married 47 years and barely spent a day apart. I miss my mum and will always but not like my dad will.
> 
> 90 lbs, you rock!! I'm still battling up and down but I'm relatively happy with where I am, at least I'm not disgusted anyway lol. My sister in vancouver says it's going to be 27 degrees on thursday, maybe they will share some with us eh?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh so, so sorry. I have been through this and I know what it means. My mother passed away out of the blue in two weeks. I was devastated. All the kind words in the world have no meaning right now. It will be hurt, missing her, denial than hurt and later on you will get to a day when you will be able to look back and cherish all the moments with her without pain. Hang in there


----------



## familyfirst09

edgya1234 said:


> Oh so, so sorry. I have been through this and I know what it means. My mother passed away out of the blue in two weeks. I was devastated. All the kind words in the world have no meaning right now. It will be hurt, missing her, denial than hurt and later on you will get to a day when you will be able to look back and cherish all the moments with her without pain. Hang in there


Thank you I appreciate that very much. I don't know you but welcome and also sorry you are here. Hang in there yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

familyfirst09 said:


> Thank you I appreciate that very much. I don't know you but welcome and also sorry you are here. Hang in there yourself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am good now but thank you. Now we should be here for you. I had people who loved me helping me through everything. 
As I said I am here for you.


----------



## whitehawk

caladan said:


> Throngs of women. in my experience, the only way a man attracts a "throng" is through looks and not game. Game/methodology only comes into play after your looks have been vetted and approved.
> 
> I'm curious as to which of the two (game/looks) he has used to attract his throngs.



l must be a simpleton :rofl:
l don't get games , or tactics or like them in life myself. lf l like someone l just do what comes naturally and , if she's interested l'd just go for it.
Seems to work just fine for me.


----------



## familyfirst09

edgya1234 said:


> I am good now but thank you. Now we should be here for you. I had people who loved me helping me through everything.
> As I said I am here for you.


Aw thank you that is very sweet of you. I try to keep up with this thread but sometimes it gets polluted with egotistical sh*t that I just can't stand so I have to depart for a while. There are a lot of great great people on here tho, enjoy the ride.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

familyfirst09 said:


> Aw thank you that is very sweet of you. I try to keep up with this thread but sometimes it gets polluted with egotistical sh*t that I just can't stand so I have to depart for a while. There are a lot of great great people on here tho, enjoy the ride.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know dear, I totally agree with you. I will enjoy the ride if you promise to work on getting better.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> which boots did you want?


Oh Mister Dis, you can buy me any type of cowboy boots you want. As long as they are tanned, distressed leather, size 5.5, plain, no fancy crap, and above 1000 dls. Anything really, I am not picky~


----------



## ne9907

Family First
I am so very sorry for your loss


----------



## familyfirst09

edgya1234 said:


> I know dear, I totally agree with you. I will enjoy the ride if you promise to work on getting better.



I've been on tam for a year and a half...trust me I am much better now and you will be too. my mum kicked my ass tons of times over my ex, that will stick with me now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

ne9907 said:


> Family First
> I am so very sorry for your loss



Thanks NE, I appreciate that. I hope all is going well with you and you're not letting any skanky men take advantage of you (here on tam or irl!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Oh I hear ya, still waiting for spring here, we had snow last week!! Things are slowly returning to "normal". My mum passed away 2 weeks ago so been rough few weeks. Now just settling back in and helping my dad adjust - they were married 47 years and barely spent a day apart. I miss my mum and will always but not like my dad will.
> 
> 90 lbs, you rock!! I'm still battling up and down but I'm relatively happy with where I am, at least I'm not disgusted anyway lol. My sister in vancouver says it's going to be 27 degrees on thursday, maybe they will share some with us eh?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FF, my deepest condolences.


----------



## coffee4me

FF09 sorry about your mom losing a parent is so hard . My sympathies


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Oh Mister Dis, you can buy me any type of cowboy boots you want. As long as they are tanned, distressed leather, size 5.5, plain, no fancy crap, and above 1000 dls. Anything really, I am not picky~


Sounds like it's on. Take pics, or even better, video.


----------



## edgya1234

@dis








For your inspiration


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> Any guys here ever get a tailor made suit? Thinking I should have one and am considering it but don't know a whole lot about it.



l'm not that into suits but l have noticed most tailored stuff seems to be too fitting to me , l don't like the look myself.
PS , my brother spent a fortune on tailor made suits and never really wore any of them .


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> FF, my deepest condolences.



Thank you Lon. How are you keeping up with all the women? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

coffee4me said:


> FF09 sorry about your mom losing a parent is so hard . My sympathies



Thanks Coffee, was it you that had the awesome shower romp? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

familyfirst09 said:


> Thanks Coffee, was it you that had the awesome shower romp?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uhhhh no


----------



## familyfirst09

coffee4me said:


> Uhhhh no


Oh frig, sorry. Well me either so hey, may one be in both our futures lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

familyfirst09 said:


> Oh I hear ya, still waiting for spring here, we had snow last week!! Things are slowly returning to "normal". My mum passed away 2 weeks ago so been rough few weeks. Now just settling back in and helping my dad adjust - they were married 47 years and barely spent a day apart. I miss my mum and will always but not like my dad will.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dang I'm sorry to hear that ff09. I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## familyfirst09

coffee4me said:


> Now there's something to look forward to when I start dating



Only with the right guy my dear 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Oh Mister Dis, you can buy me any type of cowboy boots you want. As long as they are tanned, distressed leather, size 5.5, plain, no fancy crap, and above 1000 dls. Anything really, I am not picky~


Lucchese Boot company makes the best cowboy boots in the world. They make nice standard shoes too. 

Here's the link https://www.lucchese.com/shop/mens/boots/western/


----------



## familyfirst09

bandit.45 said:


> Dang I'm sorry to hear that ff09. I'm so sorry for your loss.



Thanks Bandit, much luv for ya 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I have a very old and beloved durango pair!! Love them


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Thank you Lon. How are you keeping up with all the women?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just one, and she keeps up with me


----------



## familyfirst09

Lon said:


> Just one, and she keeps up with me


Niiiiiice....im still waiting for a guy to be able to keep up with me, haven't met one yet since my divorce...not that there's been many, ha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Quality over quantity is my way


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Lucchese Boot company makes the best cowboy boots in the world. They make nice standard shoes too.
> 
> Here's the link https://www.lucchese.com/shop/mens/boots/western/


My Lobutin's are sexier and way prettier


----------



## ne9907

edgya1234 said:


> My Lobutin's are sexier and way prettier


Hmmm.... I don't know, cowboy boots are pretty damn sexy!!
I am turning myself on.... yeah lol


----------



## Lon

Nothing like rawhide boots and nicely tanned woman flesh


----------



## edgya1234

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm.... I don't know, cowboy boots are pretty damn sexy!!
> I am turning myself on.... yeah lol



I love, love shoes I feel like a girl can never have too many 
I get you The world famous Marlboro man


----------



## RandomDude

edgya1234 said:


> As I feel that is not correct to accuse me so forward of having ulterior motives of being here I will go along and contact a moderator and well they can verify all my story and my identity.


WTF?! Oh no no no no no! =/
I wasn't refering to anyone on TAM let alone online!!!

Besides I'm not an e-romancer, it was just one of my friends in RL



Dollystanford said:


> I think Random Dude is talking about one of the many women of his acquaintance who appear to enjoy throwing themselves at his penis only to be rejected when they don't cut the mustard
> 
> I don't think he was talking about you Edgya


Yes

But errr it's not THAT many =/
And they aren't throwing themselves at me, only the last one did feet-first who I wasn't interested in. I'm just not happy it had to be a friend.

Besides I get rejected as well - recently too; like that lady I met on the train who I actually quite liked and dated but she decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still married. And that potential date who assumed the worst which I found amusing.

So what if I break hearts? Better than lead them on - especially the last one who's a friend... awkward now though


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Nothing like rawhide boots and nicely tanned woman flesh


Really, more beautiful than this:?


----------



## edgya1234

RandomDude said:


> WTF?! Oh no no no no no! =/
> I wasn't refering to anyone on TAM let alone online!!!
> 
> Besides I'm not an e-romancer, it was just one of my friends in RL
> 
> 
> 
> Yes
> 
> But errr it's not THAT many =/
> And they aren't throwing themselves at me, only the last one did feet-first who I wasn't interested in. I'm just not happy it had to be a friend.
> 
> Besides I get rejected as well - recently too; like that lady I met on the train who I actually quite liked and dated but she decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still married. And that potential date who assumed the worst which I found amusing.
> 
> So what if I break hearts? Better than lead them on - especially the last one who's a friend... awkward now though


Ah please, please I apologize for this Sorry it was just one of this silly coincidences? Am I forgiven?


----------



## RandomDude

Sure... just wondering how you managed to come up with that conclusion :scratchhead:

lol


----------



## edgya1234

RandomDude said:


> Sure... just wondering how you managed to come up with that conclusion :scratchhead:
> 
> lol


Sorry the girls in here were calling me a flirt, fake, troll, they said that I am trolling TAM men and some people did't read the whole discussion and lashed at me so I guess your post came at a wrong time for me. 
As everybody and his/her dog was making fun of this and well they confirmed they were talking about me when I've asked I just jumped to conclusions 
Can we please, please move on? Pretty please


----------



## edgya1234

So back to high hills Lobutin's are they sexier than boots:?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



edgya1234 said:


> So back to high hills Lobutin's are they sexier than boots:?


How about something a little more practical, like these:


----------



## Lon

Or maybe these:


----------



## Lon

Or:


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Or maybe these:


Right and I am color blind I saw this and we comment it every where. Lady Gaga had something like this I am not her


----------



## coffee4me

Those look painful unless you are a ballet dancer


----------



## edgya1234

coffee4me said:


> Those look painful unless you are a ballet dancer


I think those were never used unless on catwalks...


----------



## coffee4me

My daughter is going on pointe in ballet later this year. I'm focused on the angle of that woman's foot and the pain. Lol


----------



## coffee4me

I meant to tell you e1234; at 2 months the pain is still so fresh I wish you well dealing with everything


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Really, more beautiful than this:?
> View attachment 22633


Me like


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



coffee4me said:


> My daughter is going on pointe in ballet later this year. I'm focused on the angle of that woman's foot and the pain. Lol


I would like to see a lady try to stand on one foot in those!


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Lucchese Boot company makes the best cowboy boots in the world. They make nice standard shoes too.
> 
> Here's the link https://www.lucchese.com/shop/mens/boots/western/


I agree. They are seriously amazing.


----------



## whitehawk

edgya1234 said:


> Really, more beautiful than this:?
> View attachment 22633




Hmm, they are nicey , l think l wanna put those heals in places and lick them.


----------



## whitehawk

Damn , where was l .


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> I would like to see a lady try to stand on one foot in those!


Actually there was an article on these theme and the designer said they were made specifically because women destroy their feet staying on high hills, those the reasons they have a 2nd high hill in front. Not the first though


----------



## edgya1234

whitehawk said:


> Damn , where was l .


In the moment you wanted to buy yourself your Loboutine's


----------



## edgya1234

coffee4me said:


> I meant to tell you e1234; at 2 months the pain is still so fresh I wish you well dealing with everything


Thanks, you are a very very sweet lady I've been beating myself up for two months. I accepted the things for what they are and I'm determined to move on. I figured out that I can chose to hurt like hell or not I chose to love myself enough to chose the "not" route


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Me like


Keep in mind for your next date


----------



## Fenix

Sorry for your losses, Edgya and FF09. 



On another note, I really want a pair of those Lucchese boots.


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> Sorry for your losses, Edgya and FF09.
> 
> 
> 
> On another note, I really want a pair of those Lucchese boots.



Thanks Fenix. I wouldn't mind a pair of those boots either!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

FF sorry for your loss. Sending you a big hug. I hope your good memories of her comfort you.


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> FF sorry for your loss. Sending you a big hug. I hope your good memories of her comfort you.



Thanks JB, hugs in return 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I decided to walk down to a tanning "salon" last night. I've never been to one before and didn't expect to have a go at it at that time ... but I did.

My back has such an uneven redness this morning. Lol.


----------



## familyfirst09

Was it stand up or lay down one? I always use the stand up ones. I've burned a few times but nothing major.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

It was the lay down one, she suggested doing that first seeing how I'm pretty fair skin. Maybe I'll give the standing one a go.


----------



## familyfirst09

Good idea. The lay down ones scare me lol. I'm too claustrophobic for them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I decided to walk down to a tanning "salon" last night. I've never been to one before and didn't expect to have a go at it at that time ... but I did.
> 
> My back has such an uneven redness this morning. Lol.


Did you not have a technician? If you are a UV newbie they really should have started you off at the most 50%


----------



## RandomDude

Anyone else like solitude sometimes? Funny really, tonight it's nice and quiet, silenced my phone... with just me and my cat in the middle of the week...

Sometimes I wonder if all these introvert/extrovert personality profiles even make any sense at all, considering I can be both depending on my mood. I mean... hell, I can't be the only one who likes to be alone sometimes right? Are labels truly accurate?


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Anyone else like solitude sometimes? Funny really, tonight it's nice and quiet, silenced my phone... with just me and my cat in the middle of the week...
> 
> Sometimes I wonder if all these introvert/extrovert personality profiles even make any sense at all, considering I can be both depending on my mood. I mean... hell, I can't be the only one who likes to be alone sometimes right? Are labels truly accurate?


I just do what I want and if someone questions it I kindly tell them to **** off.


----------



## moxy

Why does like everyone on this online dating app want to go straight from "hi, my name is..." to "send me some naked pictures"? The world of dating has changed since the last time I was single. Or, I'm just putting out a really [email protected] vibe or something. :/


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Anyone else like solitude sometimes? Funny really, tonight it's nice and quiet, silenced my phone... with just me and my cat in the middle of the week...
> 
> Sometimes I wonder if all these introvert/extrovert personality profiles even make any sense at all, considering I can be both depending on my mood. I mean... hell, I can't be the only one who likes to be alone sometimes right? Are labels truly accurate?




Yeah l always wonder about the way people describe themselves to and the dead cert in some things- l am this , l like that . Fk me it all depends on the day for me with most things.

Yep l love a bit of solitude , certainly had my share of it to in this last 18mths living on an ac , od'd. But l do still love it when l'm on that mood .
Apparently l'm not too polite about it either if someone pops up when l don't feel like it . Gotta work on that bit !


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Why does like everyone on this online dating app want to go straight from "hi, my name is..." to "send me some naked pictures"? The world of dating has changed since the last time I was single. Or, I'm just putting out a really [email protected] vibe or something. :/



Ahhh yes , damn women , beggin me for a looky straight out the gate , gotta get me a bat :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

06Daddio08 said:


> I decided to walk down to a tanning "salon" last night. I've never been to one before and didn't expect to have a go at it at that time ... but I did.
> 
> My back has such an uneven redness this morning. Lol.


Spray tan, spray tan! Not sunbeds, nooooooo! Think of your young peachy skin


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Why does like everyone on this online dating app want to go straight from "hi, my name is..." to "send me some naked pictures"? The world of dating has changed since the last time I was single.


D!ck pics are the new "Hello."


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, no one is questioning it 

It just makes me think really, whether I'm intro or extro sometimes, and if all these 'personality studies' and profiles really make any sense into categorising people. We have other social constructs, labels; age group, trends, starsigns, arguably race, gender, etc etc... meh

Sometimes we forget to see people as individuals, though honestly it can be hard when they act 'typical'... meh, but always a story within a story eh? 

I dunno, just reflecting and talking nonsense


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Why does like everyone on this online dating app want to go straight from "hi, my name is..." to "send me some naked pictures"? The world of dating has changed since the last time I was single. Or, I'm just putting out a really [email protected] vibe or something. :/


Nah its quite normal these days, would have thought women would be used to it by now lol


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Why does like everyone on this online dating app want to go straight from "hi, my name is..." to "send me some naked pictures"? The world of dating has changed since the last time I was single. Or, I'm just putting out a really [email protected] vibe or something. :/


I have never other then with my exwife. Call me crazy but I would rather be in person when that kind of stuff is shared. Plus have some dignity and self worth people christ! 
Yeah that is exactly what I want to surface if I get into politics in 10-20yrs an old dik pic from some random girl I was screwing :scratchhead:
Plus I am not interested in women that would respond to that kind of behavior anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Plus I am not interested in women that would respond to that kind of behavior anyway.


I'm quite curious if any even do actually


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> Spray tan, spray tan! Not sunbeds, nooooooo! Think of your young peachy skin


I worked in a tanning salon yeeeaarrss ago. Stand up UV beds and a mystic spray booth. We were all sold the lies that tanning is safe as long as you use one of these new fancy lotions and how it's the radiation that came from space that does the majority of the damage anyway. 
One of my GF's around that time tanned since she was probably 18 or so. This happens to be the same exGF that I hooked up with about a year ago. So she still tanned our entire hiatus, like 12-13yrs worth of tanning. Well lets just say she looked great BUT touch her body and it was like touching a leather couch


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I'm quite curious if any even do actually


Of course some are interested, I have been asked before. It wouldn't happen if at least some women didn't respond positively.


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> Why does like everyone on this online dating app want to go straight from "hi, my name is..." to "send me some naked pictures"? The world of dating has changed since the last time I was single. Or, I'm just putting out a really [email protected] vibe or something. :/


I have never done this, but I know it is quite common. I would have no interest in a woman that would send those kind of pics to a stranger anyhow. By the way I have never sent anyone a dic pic either. If someone wants to see me naked they have to meet me and undress me themselves.


----------



## muskrat

I have never used a tanning bed. I don't see the appeal. Then again I work outside and spend way more time outdoors than in. So I have a natural tan for most the year. except in winter, then I am camouflaged to match the snow.


----------



## Disenchanted

RandomDude said:


> Anyone else.......


Labels about guys with cats are usually accurate, lol.

:rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

moxy said:


> Why does like everyone on this online dating app ....


Are you using Tinder? It's not a dating app, it's a hook up app.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I have never other then with my exwife. Call me crazy but I would rather be in person when that kind of stuff is shared. Plus have some dignity and self worth people christ!
> Yeah that is exactly what I want to surface if I get into politics in 10-20yrs an old dik pic from some random girl I was screwing :scratchhead:
> Plus I am not interested in women that would respond to that kind of behavior anyway.



Yep exactly my thoughts AP . l hate the way the electronic age has done this , where it's headed. lt's so fkg desensitized now it's downright scary.
It's even common in primary schools now since a lot of schools a forcing 5yrs and upward kids onto ipads , l . That's like sending them to paradise. Reallll clever.
Spose the older ones have all had their smartphones for yrs now.
My d's 12 and there's been nudes and all sorts of shots floating through the school all over the place now from some of the kids as young as 7 - 8.
Teachers are that out there no clue , the kids just run rings around them.
The parents only get to catch one or 2 now and then.

l fkg dread the thought of where it's all going , for old and young , all of us .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I
> 
> Plus I am not interested in women that would respond to that kind of behavior anyway.


Me either . For me if she even mentions anything sexual in her profile and a lot of them do even in the best dating sites, l'm onto the next one.
One chick started making jokes about her vibrator on the phone 2mins into our very first convo , goodnight from me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I have never other then with my exwife. Call me crazy but I would rather be in person when that kind of stuff is shared. Plus have some dignity and self worth people christ!


Agreed. I don't get why anyone would want to shove their genitals in a strangers face. One who they supposedly want to get to know. Um, that's not exactly romantic. Randy, yes, romantic, no. 



muskrat said:


> I have never done this, but I know it is quite common. I would have no interest in a woman that would send those kind of pics to a stranger anyhow.


I hear you. I wouldn't be into a dude who I barely know sending me pics of his ding-a-ling. Keep that in your pants. Goodness, can we go out for a meal first? I told you guys that story about the guy who would text me (mutual friends) and one day he just randomly sent me a pic of himself naked, holding his little friend, actually, he sent me two pictures and I wrote back, "UM WTF was that for? I seriously cannot believe you sent me that." Then he tried to backtrack saying it was a "joke" and how "I look small in that picture anyway." We've not spoken much since. I think I embarrassed him. But I was embarrassed FOR HIM. 



muskrat said:


> If someone wants to see me naked they have to meet me and undress me themselves.


Hehe. Me, too.



muskrat said:


> I have never used a tanning bed. I don't see the appeal.


Same here. Artificial tanning grosses me out. Plus those tanning beds seem claustrophobic. Plus, I am terrified of the sun/sunburn. Melanoma is very real.


----------



## Another Planet

What! My man Clooney what are you doing?!?!

George Clooney & Amal Alamuddin Are Engaged (REPORT)


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. The end is near, AP. The old fool has fallen in love.


----------



## whitehawk

One thing about this stuff is that most of the girls l've met so far have felt just as strongly or stronger about where things are going and how off it is.

That's been sooo cool to hear stuff like that from them because when l first hit the net single, it was looking like the whole world had gone mad .


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> What! My man Clooney what are you doing?!?!
> 
> George Clooney & Amal Alamuddin Are Engaged (REPORT)


She's hot but I would never ever in a milliondy billiondy years marry a lawyer.


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> What! My man Clooney what are you doing?!?!
> 
> George Clooney & Amal Alamuddin Are Engaged (REPORT)


Wow she is pretty and she looks incredibly Spanish


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I have never used a tanning bed. I don't see the appeal. Then again I work outside and spend way more time outdoors than in. So I have a natural tan for most the year. except in winter, then I am camouflaged to match the snow.



Haha , lucky your not female Rat , l's just lovvveees milky white skin :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> She's hot but I would never ever in a milliondy billiondy years marry a lawyer.



Fk no me either


----------



## ne9907

I am in trouble
Catching feelings for ol blue eyes, I was so damn happy last night with him. I was so damn happy this morning..... 

And I picked him for a reason!! I thought I would not develop any feelings towards him.... damn sex, damn me!


----------



## Disenchanted

does he like boots?


----------



## Jellybeans

Just go with it, Ne. Don't overanalyze and enjoy.

And use protection.


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> does he like boots?


no 

I wore mine yesterday, and he said "they are just boots".......

No mother****er, they are not just boots!!!

But anyway, I do like him a lot. It sucks. It may be time to pull away.


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> no


180


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah, I love a good pair of boots. All this shoe talk.

These are my jam. I think I own about ten of this same style of shoes. 










LOL - already telling Ne to do a 180? It's too early for that unless you are calling him every five seconds of the day. Just have fun with it, Ne!


----------



## ne9907

Disenchanted said:


> 180


haha
maybe 120?

admit it Dis, you just want me for yourself :rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> haha
> maybe 120?
> 
> admit it Dis, you just want me for yourself :rofl:


You had me at "I want you to **** me so hard I can feel you in the morning".


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha! 120 it is then!  Just don't over-cling and over-text.


----------



## angstire

Jeez, I was gone for less than a week, and I missed like 80 pages. Holy hell this thread moves fast!


----------



## Disenchanted

Can I copyright that? I think the 120 is the new thing!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> LOL - already telling Ne to do a 180? It's too early for that unless you are calling him every five seconds of the day. Just have fun with it, Ne!


He said he doesn't like her boots.

180


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, I love a good pair of boots. All this shoe talk.
> 
> These are my jam. I think I own about ten of this same style of shoes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh JB , that was really , really cruel . l've already had to drag myself away from those once , now l'll never sleep :iagree:


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> She's hot but I would never ever in a milliondy billiondy years marry a lawyer.





whitehawk said:


> Fk no me either


I have a strange feeling she doesn't need his coin. Just his presence makes people more money. Being at that level of elitist money isn't really an issue.


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> Jeez, I was gone for less than a week, and I missed like 80 pages. Holy hell this thread moves fast!


It is impossible to keep up. Seriously.


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Can I copyright that? I think the 120 is the new thing!


120 is for the dating singles

180 is after you are in a relationship LOL


----------



## ne9907

This is a picture of my lovely boots!~ 
And he just said, they are just boots pft!!!


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, I love a good pair of boots


Don't get me started. I have such a thing for women's shoes. 

I la la la love these women's work boots:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Oh JB , that was really , really cruel . l've already had to drag myself away from those once , now l'll never sleep :iagree:


Ha! 

They don't call them killer pumps for nothing.

Dis, those boots are horrible. Lol.


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> I have a strange feeling she doesn't need his coin. Just his presence makes people more money. Being at that level of elitist money isn't really an issue.


NO it means she's a femkunt feminist.

Sorry for bad language.

Lawyers aren't submissive.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> This is a picture of my lovely boots!~
> And he just said, they are just boots pft!!!


If his first thought wasn't about what you would look like just wearing those boots and the hat he's ghey :/


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> This is a picture of my lovely boots!~


Super cute! I love them.

Don't hold it against it if he wasn't understanding of your love for them. Unless he's gay or has a super duper fashion sense, don't take it personally.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Dis, those boots are horrible. Lol.


how bout these?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> If his first thought wasn't about what you would look like just wearing those boots and the hat he's ghey :/


haha
I love you guys!
You all are giving me more reasons to do the 120 haha!!!

EDIT: Ok now I must go to work.... ugh


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> 120 is for the dating singles
> 
> 180 is after you are in a relationship LOL


You don't have to do the 180 if you already live your life for yourself and just let your lives mesh naturally instead of trying to compromise right of the bat.


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Are you using Tinder? It's not a dating app, it's a hook up app.


This is true. But I have met my current hat I'm dating through Tinder and its def more than just a hookup. 

Moxy - what is your criteria before messaging someone? I mean do you only like people who have a certain number of interests in common with you? Or are you using something other than Tinder?


----------



## Disenchanted

ne9907 said:


> This is a picture of my lovely boots!~
> And he just said, they are just boots pft!!!


I would **** you so hard in those that you would feel me in the morning.


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> how bout these?


I can't decide which are worse. :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> I would **** you so hard in those that you would feel me in the morning.


----------



## Jellybeans

I love that guy, Vi.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> You don't have to do the 180 if you already live your life for yourself and just let your lives mesh naturally instead of trying to compromise right of the bat.


I was making a joke


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Don't get me started. I have such a thing for women's shoes.
> 
> I la la la love these women's work boots:



Do you have any idea how they look on a woman's foot? I prefer my Louboutin's I told you you should by those for your next date. They are not much , just 1000 Euro , they might be more in US


----------



## edgya1234

whitehawk said:


> Jellybeans said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ah, I love a good pair of boots. All this shoe talk.
> 
> These are my jam. I think I own about ten of this same style of shoes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh JB , that was really , really cruel . l've already had to drag myself away from those once , now l'll never sleep :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> No actually this are mine in reality
Click to expand...


----------



## Jellybeans

3x, where are you?


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Do you have any idea how they look on a woman's foot? I prefer my Louboutin's I told you you should by those for your next date. They are not much , just 1000 Euro , they might be more in US


There a very cute girl in my office sporting something like this today.

*Dis is bitin' his lip hard*


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> how bout these?


The plataform went out of fashion Dis you want your dates to run away from you?


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> The plataform went out of fashion Dis you want your dates to run away from you?


Currently I'm all about platform wedges. Sandals are great.

Love these:










PS they can't run in platforms.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dis, you have not posted a single shoe I would even remotely consider wearing out in public. 

Lol.

Maybe I need to take YOU shoe shopping with me. It'll be like those movie scenes where you keep picking out stuff and I say NO until you find the right one.

Fashion Guru Jelly to the rescue.


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> There a very cute girl in my office sporting something like this today.
> 
> *Dis is bitin' his lip hard*


Yes the famous sport shoes with high hills For some unknown reason they are the must have item of last fall Not for me though 

But if the girl looks like this she can wear anything


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> 3x, where are you?


I are here! Admiring ne's boots!


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> how bout these?




Holy fk , wearing those she could have two heads and l'd stil be a goner :smthumbup:


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Dis, you have not posted a single shoe I would even remotely consider wearing out in public.
> 
> Lol.
> 
> Maybe I need to take YOU shoe shopping with me. It'll be like those movie scenes where you keep picking out stuff and I say NO until you find the right one.
> 
> Fashion Guru Jelly to the rescue.


Who said anything about "out in public"?


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Currently I'm all about platform wedges. Sandals are great.
> 
> Love these:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PS they can't run in platforms.


Dis doesn't matter what you want you don't wear them, your girls do So give them something decent....
Wait they run from you? Ha, ha...this is incredible


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Shoes the Full Version - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Who said anything about "out in public"?


You need a crash course, mah dear. 

Because I wouldn't wear those in the privacy of my home or to seduce anyone either. Lol.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Dis doesn't matter what you want you don't wear them, your girls do So give them something decent....
> Wait they run from you? Ha, ha...this is incredible


Sometimes I let them help pick something out, lol.

My favorite part is making them walk around the store in all the different stuff.

You can tell which ones are right by the expression on her face.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> You need a crash course, mah dear.
> 
> Because I wouldn't wear those in the privacy of my home or to seduce anyone either. Lol.


Well JB I like ALL KINDS of shoes so you could help pick something out. But a 4" rise is good for a 4" rise. Lol


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Sometimes I let them help pick something out, lol.
> 
> My favorite part is making them walk around the store in all the different stuff.
> 
> You can tell which ones are right by the expression on her face.


Go with brands I guess a girl could be persuaded to walk around the shop once for 1500 E shoes You will have a monstrous success They won't run I promisse:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Well JB I like ALL KINDS of shoes so you could help pick something out. *But a 4" rise is good for a 4" rise. Lol*


Is that a good or bad thing?


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> Is that a good or bad thing?


Well I was bragging and it might be a slight exaggeration


----------



## Disenchanted

Oh just found these, love them!


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Is that a good or bad thing?


AP 4 inch is about 12 cm so is a very, very high hill. Dis likes the plataform because it gives a push to the 4 inch towards 6 so ...makes the legs longer and slimmer And he said he does not want them to run


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Oh just found these, love them!


I can't realize if you are making fun or really believe it They are ...no comment


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> AP 4 inch is about 12 cm so is a very, very high hill. Dis likes the plataform because it gives a push to the 4 inch towards 6 so ...makes the legs longer and slimmer And he said he does not want them to run


I'm 6'3", and stooping over gets tiring on the neck and back. I really like short girls so tall heels are just a matter of practicality.

I also really like tall girls. And I am particularly fond of average height girls.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> I can't realize if you are making fun or really believe it They are ...no comment


Dead serious.

I like playful and it's 82 degrees (28 Celsius) here so sandals work great.


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> She's hot but I would never ever in a milliondy billiondy years marry a lawyer.


Hmm. My girlfriend is a lawyer. I doubt I'll ever marry again, but if I were to, she's certainly right in scope.

She's not a divorce lawyer though.


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> AP 4 inch is about 12 cm so is a very, very high hill. Dis likes the plataform because it gives a push to the 4 inch towards 6 so ...makes the legs longer and slimmer And he said he does not want them to run


So is that like measuring from the taint?
I think this might all be going over your head edgya 

Sorry my head is totally in the gutter today


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> I'm 6'3", and stooping over gets tiring on the neck and back. I really like short girls so tall heels are just a matter of practicality.
> 
> I also really like tall girls. And I am particularly fond of average height girls.


So you basically like all female population from US with the exception of really old of minors Dis you are really something:rofl:
I can't believe I am laughing by myself, even the cat looks at me funny


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> So you basically like all female population from US with the exception of really old of minors Dis you are really something:rofl:
> I can't believe I am laughing by myself, even the cat looks at me funny


US?

From PLANET EARTH


----------



## whitehawk

Disenchanted said:


> I'm 6'3", and stooping over gets tiring on the neck and back. I really like short girls so tall heels are just a matter of practicality.
> 
> I also really like tall girls. And I am particularly fond of average height girls.



In other words your a slvt :rofl:


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> So is that like measuring from the taint?
> I think this might all be going over your head edgya
> 
> Sorry my head is totally in the gutter today











Ok pretend those are the shoes - the hill of the shoe is measured from the point to where it ends, where the hill of the foot actually starts.
I'm lost in translation Over my head...:?


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> View attachment 22697
> 
> 
> Ok pretend those are the shoes - the hill of the shoe is measured from the point to where it ends, where the hill of the foot actually starts.


lol edgya you are going to have to be more perverted to hang with this crowd


----------



## Jellybeans

Disenchanted said:


> Well JB I like ALL KINDS of shoes so you could help pick something out. But a 4" rise is good for a 4" rise. Lol


Noted. We are only shopping for pumps.



Disenchanted said:


> I also really like tall girls. And I am particularly fond of average height girls.


What is "average" height for a woman?


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> US?
> 
> From PLANET EARTH


United States smart ass


----------



## Disenchanted

Another Planet said:


> lol edgya you are going to have to be more perverted to hang with this crowd


Which one of us is going to explain this to her?


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> United States smart ass


My preferences are not limited to the United States Edgy.


----------



## Disenchanted

Jellybeans said:


> Noted. We are only shopping for pumps.
> 
> 
> 
> What is "average" height for a woman?


I don't know, don't care. I like girls of ALL HEIGHTS.


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> lol edgya you are going to have to be more perverted to hang with this crowd


AP did you say something really, really bad?


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Which one of us is going to explain this to her?


I will lol

Edgya it turned into a penis size reference/joke somewhere last page. 
Dis said a 4" rise gets a "4 rise...get it? A 4" rise out of him. And then it just kept going from there lol

We do this around here...ALOT lol


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> My preferences are not limited to the United States Edgy.


Well I presumed you don't fly each week-end to another continent to pick girls and buy them shoes My bad, carry on


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> I will lol
> 
> Edgya it turned into a penis size reference/joke somewhere last page.
> Dis said a 4" rise gets a "4 rise...get it? A 4" rise out of him. And then it just kept going from there lol
> 
> we do this...ALOT lol


K I really, really don't want to know Forget I've asked


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> Well I presumed you don't fly each week-end to another continent to pick girls and buy them shoes My bad, carry on


bad presumption


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> K I really, really don't want to know Forget I've asked


Uhhh you're going to have to get used to it. Just wait until the 9"er's start getting talked about, And that is talk from the ladies here ROFL :rofl:


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> bad presumption


So you buy shoes to a lot of girls, you are tall, you don't owe a private jet don't you? I have some girlfriends in Spain that might be interested


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> so you buy shoes to a lot of girls, you are tall, you don't owe a private jet don't you? i have some girlfriends in spain that might be interested


pics?!?!?!


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Uhhh you're going to have to get used to it. Just wait until the 9"er's start getting talked about, And that is talk from the ladies here ROFL :rofl:


Guys and ladies, word to the wise, if you ever want me gone from this thread start talking about AP's thing or whatever


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> pics?!?!?!


There is one whom you may really like. She is is the ex girlfriend of a FC Barcelona football player ( a famous one ). So she is really hot and funny and nice. She is really unlucky with men though


----------



## Another Planet

edgya1234 said:


> Guys and ladies, word to the wise, if you ever want me gone from this thread start talking about AP's thing or whatever


We are not very prude around here.
You've been warned


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> There is one whom you may really like. She is is the ex girlfriend of a FC Barcelona football player ( a famous one ). So she is really hot and funny and nice. She is really unlucky with men though


PIC?


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> PIC?


I can do more than that I can put you in contact with her She loves to travel however I know a pair of Lobutin's with my name on it you know for doing the mach-making:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Dis - you crack me up. Definitely bring some comedic relief with your non stop teenage hormones


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> I can do more than that I can put you in contact with her She loves to travel however I know a pair of Lobutin's with my name on it you know for doing the mach-making:rofl:


No putting in contact without a pic.


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> We are not very prude around here.
> You've been warned


Right  Maybe I'll start doing what Dis does say the same thing all over


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Yeah, promises promises by some. I know whats pushing ME out of this thread...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Uhhh you're going to have to get used to it. Just wait until the 9"er's start getting talked about, And that is talk from the ladies here ROFL :rofl:


Oh no, not the niners! Just like 4" becomes 12cm, so too does 7" become 24cm (a niner)


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, promises promises by some. I know whats pushing ME out of this thread...


:rofl:


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> No putting in contact without a pic.


She is really, really beautiful Blonde, long hair, beautiful smile, long legs, slim and has everything a woman wants 
She is so so sweet that everybody loves her 
LOL I can't give you her photo without her consent


----------



## edgya1234

Lon said:


> Oh no, not the niners! Just like 4" becomes 12cm, so too does 7" become 24cm (a niner)


Let me guess the "translation" in cm is for my benefit 
Quoting Dis "PICS"":rofl:


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, promises promises by some. I know whats pushing ME out of this thread...


I know what would like to be pushing you.....

Oh snap nevermind


----------



## vi_bride04

So anyone got any plans this weekend? Any hot dates lined up? 

It is hump day after all. No better day to talk about sex. lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> So anyone got any plans this weekend? Any hot dates lined up?
> 
> It is hump day after all. No better day to talk about sex. lol


No hot date but I'll be looking smooth in a suit this weekend! As long as this cold doesn't get any worse.


----------



## Disenchanted

vi_bride04 said:


> So anyone got any plans this weekend? Any hot dates lined up?
> 
> It is hump day after all. No better day to talk about sex. lol


Oh yeah! HAPPY HUMP DAY!!

I don't wanna talk about sex, it's been FOREVER since I had any. Like, yesterday morning.

Got the kids this weekend! Woot woot!!!!!


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Right  Maybe I'll start doing what Dis does say the same thing all over


You live in spain and you're eastern european Edgy.

We all know you lot just loooove your kink.


----------



## Another Planet

Disenchanted said:


> Oh yeah! HAPPY HUMP DAY!!
> 
> I don't wanna talk about sex, it's been FOREVER since I had any. Like, yesterday morning.
> 
> Got the kids this weekend! Woot woot!!!!!


Uggh same here. Last night was a good session but I have my kids from this evening until through the weekend so no more for me for a while


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> No hot date but I'll be looking smooth in a suit this weekend! As long as this cold doesn't get any worse.


Looking smooth in a suit may get you a date for next weekend.

Seriously, you better be flirting it up while dressed to the nines!!!

Show off that weightloss and muscle mass increase

hubba hubba 

Oh and you better post a pic or two or at least send me some privately


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> You live in spain and you're eastern european Edgy.
> 
> We all know you lot just loooove your kink.


And what kind of kink might that be, pray tell? I am living in the dark here, not even aware of my own preferences


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Uggh same here. Last night was a good session but I have my kids from this evening until through the weekend so no more for me for a while


I'm lucky - apart from the "every other weekend" arrangement, we also get to see most wednesdays - her kids are with their dad, mine are with their mom.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> And what kind of kink might that be, pray tell? I am living in the dark here, not even aware of my own preferences


Go on Edgy, we know you love the leather kit, the masks, and the thigh high boots with heels


----------



## vi_bride04

Disenchanted said:


> Oh yeah! HAPPY HUMP DAY!!
> 
> I don't wanna talk about sex, it's been FOREVER since I had any. Like, yesterday morning.
> 
> Got the kids this weekend! Woot woot!!!!!





Another Planet said:


> Uggh same here. Last night was a good session but I have my kids from this evening until through the weekend so no more for me for a while


So lets see, you two will be going a whole 4 days maybe without getting laid? 

The horror! 

I don't have kids so def am trying to line things up for magic to happen this weekend


----------



## edgya1234

It breaks my heart whenever I hear about kids from separated families
But I guess you guys are as involved as you can in their life. 
I adore kids, my nephews are so much fun They tear the house apart...well maybe not so much fun for their parents


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Looking smooth in a suit may get you a date for next weekend.
> 
> Seriously, you better be flirting it up while dressed to the nines!!!
> 
> Show off that weightloss and muscle mass increase
> 
> hubba hubba
> 
> Oh and you better post a pic or two or at least send me some privately


Lol, if I want to "show off" it would be better to keep the suit jacket at home.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Go on Edgy, we know you love the leather kit, the masks, and the thigh high boots with heels


oh be still my heart Frankly I just liked the book I don't know about reality


----------



## Disenchanted

06Daddio08 said:


> Lol, if I want to "show off" it would be better to keep the suit jacket at home.


I'd think so too but man I get more looks in a sport coat/blazer then any other top. 

So I've been wearing a tight T under a sport coat lately, best of both worlds lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Lol, if I want to "show off" it would be better to keep the suit jacket at home.


I don't know, just something about a guy dressed up in a nice suit. :smthumbup:

Wear some nice cologne too. Really, you will have women coming out of the woodwork to talk to you. This is that wine tasting thing, right? 

Yeah, cute guy dressed in a nice suit with wine flowing? You'll have a date next weekend if you ask for a number or two.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> So anyone got any plans this weekend? Any hot dates lined up?
> 
> It is hump day after all. No better day to talk about sex. lol


I do have a date this evening and one on Friday, neither one can be considered "hot" yet though!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> I don't know, just something about a guy dressed up in a nice suit. :smthumbup:
> 
> Wear some nice cologne too. Really, you will have women coming out of the woodwork to talk to you. This is that wine tasting thing, right?
> 
> Yeah, cute guy dressed in a nice suit with wine flowing? You'll have a date next weekend if you ask for a number or two.


I don't own cologne and I can't stand the stuff. Lol.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> oh be still my heart Frankly I just liked the book I don't know about reality


Wait - there was a book?

My ex (she was polish) always begged to whip me. Or to have me whip her. I was more than happy to indulge in a limited "sexy paddling" with my bare hands, but whip? That went a bit far for me.

She did however introduce me to the dark underground of cosplay, steampunk and other sorts of stuff. 

May I categorically say that - in my opinion, the US has nothing on europe in this respect. At least not that I've experienced.


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> I'm lucky - apart from the "every other weekend" arrangement, we also get to see most wednesdays - her kids are with their dad, mine are with their mom.


Yeah about same here. I have the kids during the week but also every other weekend but her and I are on the same schedule for the weekends so it works out great 



vi_bride04 said:


> So lets see, you two will be going a whole 4 days maybe without getting laid?
> 
> The horror!
> 
> I don't have kids so def am trying to line things up for magic to happen this weekend


I am going to be having withdrawals for sure


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't know, just something about a guy dressed up in a nice suit. :smthumbup:
> 
> Wear some nice cologne too. Really, you will have women coming out of the woodwork to talk to you. This is that wine tasting thing, right?
> 
> Yeah, cute guy dressed in a nice suit with wine flowing? You'll have a date next weekend if you ask for a number or two.


Business casual. Shirt and pants. European cut of course, not the flowing, oversized shapeless stuff that counts as clothing on this continent.

Bright shirts, striped or checkered. Power shoes. No tie however. One has no intention of looking like a banker


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> I am going to be having withdrawals for sure


AP will soon be running low on moisturizer.


----------



## edgya1234

We are in holiday starting tomorrow  So I have a date with the pool and my girlfriends at my dad's 
I think this is the only holiday that we have and Spain hasn't but I am not that sure


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> So I have a date with the pool and my girlfriends


pics


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Nah its quite normal these days, would have thought women would be used to it by now lol


Seems like every other guy wants a personal porn star, but gets all weird and judgey about it if she really is freaky in bed. I get that nude photos seem normal on the internet where people are often anonymous, but doesn't sexting seem weird before even meeting for a date? Out of order in some ways?



Another Planet said:


> I have never other then with my exwife. Call me crazy but I would rather be in person when that kind of stuff is shared. Plus have some dignity and self worth people christ!
> Yeah that is exactly what I want to surface if I get into politics in 10-20yrs an old dik pic from some random girl I was screwing :scratchhead:
> Plus I am not interested in women that would respond to that kind of behavior anyway.


I have no theoretical issue with racy pics or video or sexting -- IF it is within the context of a relationship of some sort (committed or casual) with some framework of trust in place; however, the idea of baring it all to a complete stranger is a little weird to me. And, I do worry what will happen to those hypothetical photos if things go wrong.



RandomDude said:


> I'm quite curious if any even do actually





Another Planet said:


> Of course some are interested, I have been asked before. It wouldn't happen if at least some women didn't respond positively.





Jellybeans said:


> D!ck pics are the new "Hello."


Jellybeans, your statement is hilarious.

AP and RD, I think that a lot of people do. My hot neighbor sent me a dck pic early on in our flirtationship before we started hooking up; I asked him to send me something that was less naked. Before we had hooked up, I refused to send him anything naked. I wouldn't want that to come back to haunt me.

If I really want to be involved with someone, I might compromise by sending a photo that shows a lot of cleavage. If I'll wear it to a club, I'll send it in a photo. However, it seems rather short sighted. I am put off by the requests.




muskrat said:


> I have never done this, but I know it is quite common. I would have no interest in a woman that would send those kind of pics to a stranger anyhow. By the way I have never sent anyone a dic pic either. If someone wants to see me naked they have to meet me and undress me themselves.


I prefer the in person exchange, myself. 


There's a guy I've been talking to that I like. He seems really nice, happens to be interesting, employed professionally in a field that he cares about (I dig scientists), and is really talented in the arts. Yesterday, we ended up on the topic of these photos. Somewhere along the way, in a reply to his question or request, I said I would not feel comfortable sending him those because I didn't really know him well enough. He seemed bothered by my reluctance. I said I wasn't trying to offend him, just didn't want to do that yet. He said he wasn't offended and wasn't trying to make a comment on my character with his request and that wasn't overly invested in the request because he's hot and not desperate, just showing interest. I said I wasn't implying that he was desperate, but that I'm new to this online dating thing and this request seemed weird. He said some people are insecure, but shouldn't be. I said that I'm not insecure, just that this was fast. He started to explain that he was impatient and would lose interest if I weren't giving him something he wanted. I am not sure of something was lost in translation (English is his second language, he said) because when I asked him point blank if he was saying that he didn't want to talk to me if I wasn't visually giving it up, he said no. 

I can't tell if he was trying to let me know that he was interested in me romantically or just trying to get me undressed. Like, are we just having an awkward mis-communication or is he simply telling me that if I'm not easy he's not interested? I am confused. And, am I supposed to text him to be like, "hey, how's it going?" or is that ball now in his court? I kinda wish we had just agreed to go on a date and not texted until after it because now I'm lacking context for this interaction. Until that moment, things were fun. I think I'm realizing that I prefer to take the lead in life.


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> pics


I can't provide you photos of something that will happen tomorrow Can I ? I can however send you a sandwich


----------



## edgya1234

moxy said:


> Seems like every other guy wants a personal porn star, but gets all weird and judgey about it if she really is freaky in bed. I get that nude photos seem normal on the internet where people are often anonymous, but doesn't sexting seem weird before even meeting for a date? Out of order in some ways?
> 
> 
> 
> I have no theoretical issue with racy pics or video or sexting -- IF it is within the context of a relationship of some sort (committed or casual) with some framework of trust in place; however, the idea of baring it all to a complete stranger is a little weird to me. And, I do worry what will happen to those hypothetical photos if things go wrong.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jellybeans, your statement is hilarious.
> 
> I think that a lot of people do. My hot neighbor sent me a dck pic early on in our flirtationship before we started hooking up; I asked him to send me something that was less naked. Before we had hooked up, I refused to send him anything naked. I wouldn't want that to come back to haunt me.
> 
> If I really want to be involved with someone, I might compromise by sending a photo that shows a lot of cleavage. If I'll wear it to a club, I'll send it in a photo. However, it seems rather short sighted. I am put off by the requests.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I prefer the in person exchange, myself.
> 
> 
> There's a guy I've been talking to that I like. He seems really nice, happens to be interesting, employed professionally in a field that he cares about (I dig scientists), and is really talented in the arts. Yesterday, we ended up on the topic of these photos. Somewhere along the way, in a reply to his question or request, I said I would not feel comfortable sending him those because I didn't really know him well enough. He seemed bothered by my reluctance. I said I wasn't trying to offend him, just didn't want to do that yet. He said he wasn't offended and wasn't trying to make a comment on my character with his request and that wasn't overly invested in the request because he's hot and not desperate, just showing interest. I said I wasn't implying that he was desperate, but that I'm new to this online dating thing and this request seemed weird. He said some people are insecure, but shouldn't be. I said that I'm not insecure, just that this was fast. He started to explain that he was impatient and would lose interest if I weren't giving him something he wanted. I am not sure of something was lost in translation (English is his second language, he said) because when I asked him point blank if he was saying that he didn't want to talk to me if I wasn't visually giving it up, he said no.
> 
> I can't tell if he was trying to let me know that he was interested in me romantically or just trying to get me undressed. Like, are we just having an awkward mis-communication or is he simply telling me that if I'm not easy he's not interested. I am confused. I kinda wish we had just agreed to go on a date and not texted until after it because now I'm lacking context for this interaction. Until that moment, things were fun.


So online dating is really like venturing in unknown territory hmm? Wow.


----------



## Disenchanted

edgya1234 said:


> I can't provide you photos of something that will happen tomorrow Can I ? I can however send you a sandwich


Was a request for the future, so I'll have that sandwich while I wait


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> He said some people are insecure, but shouldn't be. I said that I'm not insecure, just that this was fast. *He started to explain that he was impatient and would lose interest if I weren't giving him something he wanted.* I am not sure of something was lost in translation (English is his second language, he said) because when I asked him point blank if he was saying that he didn't want to talk to me if I wasn't visually giving it up, he said no.
> 
> I can't tell if he was trying to let me know that he was interested in me romantically or just trying to get me undressed.


Say GOODBYE to this dude!  He is showing you that he is a jerk!


----------



## edgya1234

Disenchanted said:


> Was a request for the future, so I'll have that sandwich while I wait


You are really something else you know that I'll have some of your sense of humor in exchange for the sandwich please


----------



## Disenchanted

3Xnocharm said:


> Say GOODBYE to this dude!  He is showing you that he is a jerk!


Maybe he's just being up front that he's not interested if she has like 3 boobs or something, and wants to know.


----------



## ne9907

So you all need to tone it down a bit.... The latest page has been blocked by my organization (too much hanky panky talk)!!


----------



## caladan

Disenchanted said:


> Was a request for the future, so I'll have that sandwich while I wait


I want to be like this guy when I grow up.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> So you all need to tone it down a bit.... The latest page has been blocked by my organization (too much hanky panky talk)!!


Uh oh, got in trouble by DA MAN! lol!


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> So you all need to tone it down a bit.... The latest page has been blocked by my organization (too much hanky panky talk)!!


***Scrolls back to previous page to read all the hanky panky***


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh what did I miss?

*Why did Dis get banned?*


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Oh what did I miss?
> Why did Dis get banned?


Wait, what? When? I didn't know he got banned.


----------



## Lon

What? It was certainly for nothing he posted publicly on here?? Don't see him being the kind of guy that would be harassing people privately either...


----------



## FeministInPink

caladan said:


> Wait, what? When? I didn't know he got banned.


It looks like it happened in the last 45 mins or so.

WTF?


----------



## Another Planet

WTF?! One of the mods must have not liked his taste in shoes?
In all seriousness nothing here today was out of the ordinary? wth? Anyone have mod connections?


----------



## caladan

Looking at his history, he may have posted those bouncing umm... "twins" on another thread as well. Might have caused some people some discomfort.


----------



## edgya1234

It is kind of unfair if I can say so, he is a nice guy and harmless, he was just making jokes....


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> WTF?! One of the mods must have not liked his taste in shoes?
> In all seriousness nothing here today was out of the ordinary? wth? Anyone have mod connections?


I suspect it was the sandwiches that did him in.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



caladan said:


> Looking at his history, he may have posted those bouncing umm... "twins" on another thread as well. Might have caused some people some discomfort.


Yeah probably the animated gif of juggies. Possibly acceptable on this thread, not likely on certain other forum sections... Too bad hope he is allowed back soon


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Yeah probably the animated gif of juggies. Possibly acceptable on this thread, not likely on certain other forum sections... Too bad hope he is allowed back soon


Hmmm I'm sure it depends on how many warnings he has already


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Seems like every other guy wants a personal porn star, but gets all weird and judgey about it if she really is freaky in bed. I get that nude photos seem normal on the internet where people are often anonymous, but doesn't sexting seem weird before even meeting for a date? Out of order in some ways?


Apparently not 
But I guess they don't really care as I suspect it's a numbers game and they may only be interested to see who would be interested in their 'advertised goods' so to speak. But I don't know...

Hmmm, gives me an idea for a thread


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Hmmm I'm sure it depends on how many warnings he has already


There was a throng of animated gifs as well...


----------



## muskrat

He must have posted something in another thread that offended someone. It couldn't have been here since I already started that there is no flagging in my thread. This thread is a free for all!


----------



## COGypsy

caladan said:


> Looking at his history, he may have posted those bouncing umm... "twins" on another thread as well. Might have caused some people some discomfort.


I'm guessing that's what it was. I added him to my Ignore list because I skim the boards at work and just can't have that kind of content bouncing around my office. I can imagine that I'm not the only one with concerns like that.


----------



## unsure78

ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?

(discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?
> 
> (discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)


Sadly, according to our double-standard society, a slvt 

To me? My hero!


----------



## RandomDude

caladan said:


> Looking at his history, he may have posted those bouncing umm... "twins" on another thread as well. Might have caused some people some discomfort.


Sometimes I struggle to understand how animated bouncing "twins" could cause anyone discomfort. Human body is the human body.

But tis just me =/


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?
> 
> (discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)


:scratchhead:

Player is rather out-of-date, nowadays those are called:
"man-slvts"


----------



## EnjoliWoman

In the US it's still primarily "player" for men.

Teenagers are quick to label sl** or wh*re (I hear awful stuff at my kiddo's school, fortunately not directed at or by her.)

It seems the 20-30-40 career folk are more "eh, use protection" and don't think about it much. The ones that are 'judged' are the ones who play games by jerking the guys around and not being honest that they don't want to settle down or the ones who flirt with married men - those are still called sl*ts by that age group but not the ones who are honestly just having fun and playing the field.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?
> 
> (discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)


I see no separation between the sexes for descriptive terms. If you are promiscuous you are promiscuous it has nothing to do with your gender. I am personally not going to be highfiving anyone that sleeps with a different person every night and uses people emotionally.


----------



## coffee4me

I can't figure any of today's labels out. For a week I've been trying to understand this comment made by my son: 

In reference to his many girl friends (not girlfriends) 

Me: oh! So you are a game player

Him: no! I'm the game changer (huge smile) 

WTH does that mean?


----------



## caladan

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?
> 
> (discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)


I use the same term for both genders.


----------



## unsure78

coffee4me said:


> I can't figure any of today's labels out. For a week I've been trying to understand this comment made by my son:
> 
> In reference to his many girl friends (not girlfriends)
> 
> Me: oh! So you are a game player
> 
> Him: no! I'm the game changer (huge smile)
> 
> WTH does that mean?


I dont know but that's kinda cute actually...lol


----------



## moxy

Disenchanted said:


> Maybe he's just being up front that he's not interested if she has like 3 boobs or something, and wants to know.


I guess that's what I was hoping to figure out. He may just be trying to see if I'm the kind of person he could be attracted to or not. It seems like that would be easier in person, though.

For the record, I only have two boobs, and they are awesome.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Say GOODBYE to this dude!  He is showing you that he is a jerk!


It did seem like a kind of selfish comment. It was honest, though. I have to say that it did not go un-noted.


----------



## vi_bride04

I can't believe Dis got banned again. I do not think it is from this thread, as Muskrat said, he already called a "no flagging" rule. And I feel more ridiculous things are talked about than what Dis says in here anyways. 

Dis! You have to stop posting obscene stuff if its not in this thread


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?
> 
> (discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)





FeministInPink said:


> Sadly, *according to our double-standard society, a slvt *
> 
> To me? My hero!


I do agree with FIP, and I think thats why I'm so hard on myself regarding my dating style the past year. 

Maybe times are changing for the younger generation since more and more women are embracing their sexuality than ever before.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?
> 
> (discussion at work today..curious to see what they thoughts are here)


Heartbreaker
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> ok question for the masses.... a guy that gets a lot of women is considered a player... what is the equivalent for a woman?


Playerette?



FeministInPink said:


> Sadly, according to our double-standard society, a slvt
> 
> To me? My hero!


The whole stud vs **** stuff bugs me a lot these days. There is no social discrimination between a man who takes charge of his sexual pleasure and a man who is promiscuous and exploitative in his desire to get it; both are praised as studs. However, the idea that a woman progressive enough to take charge of her sexual pleasure is a positive thing is seen as suspect at nearly every angle: a woman who is sexually assertive or dominant is chastised for her aggression, which is typified as masculine; a woman who enjoys casual sex without the marriage is seen as offensively promiscuous, as it is some kind of statement about the purity she should be demonstrating, and is called a ****. At the same time, women are also given a lot of censure for their clothing or demeanor. We chide women for being asexual, again for being too sexual; the real problem is that when women are in charge of defining their own sexualities (rather than authorizing men to be in control of their bodies), they are socially shamed back into some sort of normative, traditionalist behavior that does not take into account the idea that there really should be ideological equality between the two genders. I think it's all crap.



EnjoliWoman said:


> Teenagers are quick to label sl** or wh*re (I hear awful stuff at my kiddo's school, fortunately not directed at or by her.)
> 
> It seems the 20-30-40 career folk are more "eh, use protection" and don't think about it much. The ones that are 'judged' are the ones who play games by jerking the guys around and not being honest that they don't want to settle down or the ones who flirt with married men - those are still called sl*ts by that age group but not the ones who are honestly just having fun and playing the field.


This is awesome!! And, I think this is a much more mature and reasonable response to the dynamic. It's one thing to feel contempt for those that exploit others, but something else entirely to employ a double standard about access to joy.



caladan said:


> I use the same term for both genders.


Very equitable!



vi_bride04 said:


> I can't believe Dis got banned again. I do not think it is from this thread, as Muskrat said, he already called a "no flagging" rule. And I feel more ridiculous things are talked about than what Dis says in here anyways.


Oh, no! Forever, or for a short while?


----------



## ne9907

I will miss you Dis... shedding a tear for you


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Heartbreaker
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Heartbreaker goes for men as well as women. 

Man-eater?


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm guessing somebody reported Dis. But who? maybe they didn't like his sandwiches
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

I have to give a presentation soon and I'm nervous
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> I have to give a presentation soon and I'm nervous
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you prepared for it? Why are you nervous? You'll do well. Just imagine that you're giving it to the TAM bunch.


----------



## coffee4me

Jellybeans said:


> I have to give a presentation soon and I'm nervous
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good Luck. It's ok to be nervous just don't act nervous


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> I guess that's what I was hoping to figure out. He may just be trying to see if I'm the kind of person he could be attracted to or not. It seems like that would be easier in person, though.
> 
> For the record, I only have two boobs, and they are awesome.





Disenchanted said:


> PIC?


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks guys. I will just imagine everyone naked haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

FeministInPink said:


> Sadly, according to our double-standard society, a slvt
> 
> To me? My hero!


Well, hello there


----------



## Jellybeans

Man-eater is a good word. nervous because I hate public speaking. Key is just remember all the naked people hahahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Naked people may be too distracting for you JB


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks guys. I will just imagine everyone naked haha.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No need to be nervous. I am sure you will knock your presentation out of the park. If all else fails take your own advice ^^^^^^.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> I have to give a presentation soon and I'm nervous
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Meh. I've been told to hand over two of my projects to some new guys at work and focus on some new stuff. It's a mare. I have to train these guys up, and trainings are just horrible - it takes 6 hours of prep to present for an hour. 


I'm not at all whelmed, quite frankly.


----------



## FeministInPink

caladan said:


> Well, hello there


How you doing?


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Naked people may be too distracting for you JB


This is true. You better only picture the ladies naked. You don't want to go picturing a nice penis and have the wrong thought come out of your mouth.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I have to give a presentation soon and I'm nervous
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you will be fine. Just be sure to drink water at appropriate breaks in your talk. Also don't forget people tend to talk faster (and they don't realize it) when they are giving their presentation than they may have during any rehearsal. Just pace yourself and be conscious of that pace for everyone to fully digest your ideas. Consider your audience and be sure you are making your point and your point is convincing. 

Taken from someone who does this sort of thing for a living.


----------



## caladan

FeministInPink said:


> How you doing?


Very well, thanks.

You know, I once got referred to as a feminist in pink as well. I'm sure the "referrer" assumed that I would take offence. I didn't.

I was later on informed by one of my more colour aware friends however that my shirt was actually watermelon, and not pink.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> The whole stud vs **** stuff bugs me a lot these days. There is no social discrimination between a man who takes charge of his sexual pleasure and a man who is promiscuous and exploitative in his desire to get it; both are praised as studs. However, the idea that a woman progressive enough to take charge of her sexual pleasure is a positive thing is seen as suspect at nearly every angle: a woman who is sexually assertive or dominant is chastised for her aggression, which is typified as masculine; a woman who enjoys casual sex without the marriage is seen as offensively promiscuous, as it is some kind of statement about the purity she should be demonstrating, and is called a ****. At the same time, women are also given a lot of censure for their clothing or demeanor. We chide women for being asexual, again for being too sexual; the real problem is that when women are in charge of defining their own sexualities (rather than authorizing men to be in control of their bodies), they are socially shamed back into some sort of normative, traditionalist behavior that does not take into account the idea that there really should be ideological equality between the two genders. I think it's all crap.


I agree completely. Then again, I think you already knew that. It is completely pervasive in our cultural, both overtly and subliminally.










OK, done being political. Back to shamelessly flirting.


----------



## caladan

FeministInPink said:


> I agree completely. Then again, I think you already knew that. It is completely pervasive in our cultural, both overtly and subliminally.
> 
> OK, done being political. Back to shamelessly flirting.


If I may opine, I believe most of this double standards tend to be pushed at least as much by other women as they are by men.


----------



## FeministInPink

caladan said:


> Very well, thanks.
> 
> You know, I once got referred to as a feminist in pink as well. I'm sure the "referrer" assumed that I would take offence. I didn't.
> 
> I was later on informed by one of my more colour aware friends however that my shirt was actually watermelon, and not pink.


That was my apparently rather limpid attempt at TAM flirting, by quoting Joey Tribbiani.

I like a man who can wear pink. You must be very secure in your masculinity. 

My username is a shout-out to my ongoing struggle to balance my femininity (and my love of "girly" things) and my political/social feminist views; embracing my sexuality and figuring that in makes it twice as complicated. Not to mention all the emotional and psychological self-discoveries I've made over the last (gasp!)almost two years on TAM. My username is a testament to my fvcked-up-edness. But it's mine, and I own it.


----------



## FeministInPink

caladan said:


> If I may opine, I believe most of this double standards tend to be pushed at least as much by other women as they are by men.


Oh, you're absolutely right. Note that the comic doesn't show WHO (reader: gender of the speaker) is criticizing the woman.

In my experience, when I've ever been the direct object of any of these criticisms, it's always been a female voice.

I've only been called a slvt by a man once or twice, and it was always during sex, and when I said I didn't like it, it didn't happen again. (I like it rough and dirty, just don't call me a slvt. That's where I draw the line.)


----------



## caladan

FeministInPink said:


> That was my apparently rather limpid attempt at TAM flirting, by quoting Joey Tribbiani.
> 
> I like a man who can wear pink. You must be very secure in your masculinity.
> 
> My username is a shout-out to my ongoing struggle to balance my femininity (and my love of "girly" things) and my political/social feminist views; embracing my sexuality and figuring that in makes it twice as complicated. Not to mention all the emotional and psychological self-discoveries I've made over the last (gasp!)almost two years on TAM. My username is a testament to my fvcked-up-edness. But it's mine, and I own it.


I never did understand the whole femininity of colors thing. I mean - I would never wear say - a pink t-shirt with flowers and frills, or a pink pair of jeans, but I'll totally rock a pink checkered shirt. It helps that I work in NYC too - men in pink shirts aren't exactly a strange sight. It's when I go home (I live in NJ) that I sometimes get the smirking looks. 

Sexuality and fvcked-up ness. music to my ears (or in this case, eyes).


----------



## FeministInPink

caladan said:


> I never did understand the whole femininity of colors thing. I mean - I would never wear say - a pink t-shirt with flowers and frills, or a pink pair of jeans, but I'll totally rock a pink checkered shirt. It helps that I work in NYC too - men in pink shirts aren't exactly a strange sight. It's when I go home (I live in NJ) that I sometimes get the smirking looks.
> 
> Sexuality and fvcked-up ness. music to my ears (or in this case, eyes).


Did you know that, prior to ~1900, pink was actually a boy's color? And blue was for baby girls? I'm not sure why that changed, but it was around the turn of the century.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Very well, thanks.
> 
> You know, I once got referred to as a feminist in pink as well. I'm sure the "referrer" assumed that I would take offence. I didn't.
> 
> I was later on informed by one of my more colour aware friends however that my shirt was actually watermelon, and not pink.


You know what wearing pink as a man will do to you in Spain, right? Especially in Barcelona


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> If I may opine, I believe most of this double standards tend to be pushed at least as much by other women as they are by men.


Oh, yes, they most certainly are.

I get way more grief from other women than I do from men. The only grief I get about this kind of thing from men (lately, anyway) is in bed.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I never did understand the whole femininity of colors thing. I mean - I would never wear say - a pink t-shirt with flowers and frills, or a pink pair of jeans, but I'll totally rock a pink checkered shirt. It helps that I work in NYC too - men in pink shirts aren't exactly a strange sight. It's when I go home (I live in NJ) that I sometimes get the smirking looks.
> 
> Sexuality and fvcked-up ness. music to my ears (or in this case, eyes).


You and SJP from Sex in the City I am kind of jealous now True though, they are also not a strange sight in cities with a lot of students, such as Boston.


----------



## edgya1234

FeministInPink said:


> Did you know that, prior to ~1900, pink was actually a boy's color? And blue was for baby girls? I'm not sure why that changed, but it was around the turn of the century.


Interesting this change of colors. 
I love pink and girly stuff Unfortunately business world does not appreciate them


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> You know what wearing pink as a man will do to you in Spain, right? Especially in Barcelona


No. What? Italians rock pink all the time. With mad thin pants too.


----------



## caladan

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, you're absolutely right. Note that the comic doesn't show WHO (reader: gender of the speaker) is criticizing the woman.
> 
> In my experience, when I've ever been the direct object of any of these criticisms, it's always been a female voice.
> 
> I've only been called a slvt by a man once or twice, and it was always during sex, and when I said I didn't like it, it didn't happen again. (I like it rough and dirty, just don't call me a slvt. That's where I draw the line.)


Ah that. I once dated a girl who begged me to call her a ****. She also wanted to call me names, but I wasn't that keen, heh.

And then she begged me to be more.... dominant. In the end it was a bit too much. She out-kinked me. We're still in touch though, she's a dear, dear friend.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Interesting this change of colors.
> I love pink and girly stuff Unfortunately business world does not appreciate them


I work in "finance". The most popular designer is called "Thomas Pink".


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> I work in "finance". The most popular designer is called "Thomas Pink".


Ha, ha right You are a man so is easier. We are talking about conservative Europe....yes

@FeministInPink - what do you think about business world in term of the more conservatory approach to colors, shapes and cuts.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Ha, ha right You are a man so is easier. We are talking about conservative Europe....yes
> 
> @FeministInPink - what do you think about business world in term of the more conservatory approach to colors, shapes and cuts.


Finance is multinational. The financial sector pretty much drove fashion in the UK. It was more normal to find guys in pink stripes having a pint in London than it is here in NY.

But - I used to work in finance. It was all drab, grey, washed out colours. So I guess I see your point.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> No. What? Italians rock pink all the time. With mad thin pants too.


Italy has Milan A huge fashion statement. And France is France and Germany has Berlin. Spain has...well Zara :rofl:

Think hard C In Barcelona you will attract a sort of unwanted attention if wearing pink/ light colors (like blue, lilac, very light yellow etc) , especially in the center and some old parts of town.


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> Italy has Milan A huge fashion statement. And France is France and Germany has Berlin. Spain has...well Zara :rofl:
> 
> Think hard C In Barcelona you will attract a sort of unwanted attention if wearing pink/ light colors (like blue, lilac, very light yellow etc) , especially in the center and some old parts of town.


Ah, unwanted attention. It doesn't disturb me at all. So long as nobody is violent towards me, I really don't care.

I thought all those spanish matadors wore bright and tight shirts? I always thought the current fashion trend in the western world originated in latin europe.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Ah, unwanted attention. It doesn't disturb me at all. So long as nobody is violent towards me, I really don't care.
> 
> I thought all those spanish matadors wore bright and tight shirts? I always thought the current fashion trend in the western world originated in latin europe.


There is no bull fight in Catalunia. It was banned by the Parliament. Is considered cruel and inhumane. They did a shopping mall where the arena used to be


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Naked people may be too distracting for you JB


:rofl:

I did fine and I made everyone laugh. I wasn't even trying to be funny. I was just making some off the cuff remark about something and two of the most important people in there literally bowled over the desk laughing. It made me feel good. :smthumbup:


----------



## caladan

It's gone just the littlest bit quiet here...


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Yeah probably the animated gif of juggies. Possibly acceptable on this thread, not likely on certain other forum sections... Too bad hope he is allowed back soon



Oh no , not again :rofl:
Ahwell , if anybody knows how to get back in it's dis  , he'll be back soon .
Some of those shoes were pretty bad :rofl:


----------



## edgya1234

whitehawk said:


> Oh no , not again :rofl:
> Ahwell , if anybody knows how to get back in it's dis  , he'll be back soon .
> Some of those shoes were pretty bad :rofl:


Wait he's done this before? That man defies the laws of "physics"
But I'll be sorry to see him go, he made me laugh really hard for the first time in days


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I'm guessing somebody reported Dis. But who? maybe they didn't like his sandwiches
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



l'm going with the shoes :scratchhead:


----------



## edgya1234

whitehawk said:


> l'm going with the shoes :scratchhead:


Jelly might be on to something. After Caladan mentioned the photo going through threads I found a post criticizing men'club and their new photo of.... but the girl was wearing a bathing suit so ...
He was nice and funny with everybody.


----------



## edgya1234

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I did fine and I made everyone laugh. I wasn't even trying to be funny. I was just making some off the cuff remark about something and two of the most important people in there literally bowled over the desk laughing. It made me feel good. :smthumbup:


By the way congratulations! Does it brings a new project/ new responsibility followed by a promotion? maybe?


----------



## edgya1234

whitehawk said:


> l'm going with the shoes :scratchhead:


Nope I think sandwiches And I think Lon if I am not mistaken bit him at the shoes chapter


----------



## familyfirst09

Such a shame....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

familyfirst09 said:


> Such a shame....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I understand they will let him back. But he has horrible tastes in shoes


----------



## whitehawk

edgya1234 said:


> Jelly might be on to something. After Caladan mentioned the photo going through threads I found a post criticizing men'club and their new photo of.... but the girl was wearing a bathing suit so ...
> He was nice and funny with everybody.



Yeah l know , only messin with the shoes 
But nah really , no clue , l missed it


----------



## edgya1234

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l know , only messin with the shoes
> But nah really , no clue , l missed it


Same here buddy. He was funny, nice and harmless Hey we can sign a petition if they don't lift the ban ?


----------



## FrenchFry

Some people are really hell-bent on squandering all the goodwill they accumulate in a place.

Sometimes they figure it out and get it together. Sometimes they don't. *shrug*


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I have to give a presentation soon and I'm nervous
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just be yourself, and know that it's only the first sentence that's the hardest. Also, speak slower - I used to have that problem during presentations, I wanted to get it over and done with too fast and was more of an old school fish market salesman then a professional! Heh, good times


----------



## Another Planet

FrenchFry said:


> Some people are really hell-bent on squandering all the goodwill they accumulate in a place.
> 
> Sometimes they figure it out and get it together. Sometimes they don't. *shrug*


Well there we have it. Thanks for the update FrenchFry


----------



## Another Planet

Strange question but have you guys belonged to other forums in a major way? 
For the record I have been involved in forums for over a decade. My first one was a forum called extremeathlete.com when I was like 18yrs oldish...don't go there though, last I knew it was a straight up virus after it was bought out. Owners name was like BigJ I think, he was out of California, his GF was Erika something or other...strange thinking about that hmmm


----------



## FrenchFry

No problem.

Also, he will be back. The mod who did it was way nicer than I would have been.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Strange question but have you guys belonged to other forums in a major way?
> For the record I have been involved in forums for over a decade. My first one was a forum called extremeathlete.com when I was like 18yrs oldish...don't go there though, last I knew it was a straight up virus after it was bought out. Owners name was like BigJ I think, he was out of California, his GF was Erika something or other...strange thinking about that hmmm



Sorta , and sorta way too much of it to. But on the other hand we had a pretty big life so some computer time was more just a place to escape to for awhile but that did a lot of damage too.
Been a few good forums though but the best usually seem to get blown up somehow. Can't figure out how we've still got our wittle single world here :rofl: Just going on past record with any good ones l have found l mean , something always seems to happen to them normally .

Mostly [email protected] ones though, silly lala land internet people/world .
l've been stayin outa the damn things these days , trying to get real life happening. This ones really about the only one l still use at all now.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Strange question but have you guys belonged to other forums in a major way?
> For the record I have been involved in forums for over a decade. My first one was a forum called extremeathlete.com when I was like 18yrs oldish...don't go there though, last I knew it was a straight up virus after it was bought out. Owners name was like BigJ I think, he was out of California, his GF was Erika something or other...strange thinking about that hmmm


Saturn redline forum, a wedding planning forum, BMW forums, Doberman rescue forum...and others lol

I find it a great way to learn about things


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Strange question but have you guys belonged to other forums in a major way?
> For the record I have been involved in forums for over a decade. My first one was a forum called extremeathlete.com when I was like 18yrs oldish...don't go there though, last I knew it was a straight up virus after it was bought out. Owners name was like BigJ I think, he was out of California, his GF was Erika something or other...strange thinking about that hmmm


Geeky hobby forum!


----------



## Nsweet

The only other forums I frequent are penis enlargement forums.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> The only other forums I frequent are penis enlargement forums.


Weirdo!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Weirdo!


Hey! Don't label me. 

You'll have to wait for the psych testing first.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Hey! Don't label me.
> 
> You'll have to wait for the psych testing first.


----------



## Nsweet

I've got so much to tell you guys once I have a chance to sit down at my computer with a good internet connection. The wifi here is really bad.

Real quick.....

My psychologist is this talk freakin hot mixed (Asian?) woman with a gigantic ass (It's magnificent) and big Disney princess eyes that give her crazy Jedi mind trick powers. 

I'm awaiting testing next week which I'm excited about. Next Friday is also the anniversary of my divorce and I don't know what to think of it. I've got a therapy session scheduled for that day just in case. 

I'm working out every day and I'm really muscular. I was getting fat as a side effect from the medication and all this food here but my appetite leveled out and my pullups started climbing back up there. I've got a closet full of goodies too, but it's more of a stock pile than it is a secret binge stash.

They don't allow us to have anything that may interfere with meds or make some conditions worse. So I've gotten used to instant coffee and diet coke to help push me through my workouts. 

For the most part most of the patients here are really nice. There's a few crazies and a few d!cks, and there's a lot of AA and NA and ex cons. Some guys are just covered in prison tats and very institutionalized. But the ex cons and a lot of the guys in the other program going through immediate rehab are pretty cool.

Oh and I'm trying my best to stay away from the crazy chicks but it ain't easy.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet, I'm glad to see you back. And, I'm so glad to hear that things are mostly going well! Yay!


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Nsweet, I'm glad to see you back. And, I'm so glad to hear that things are mostly going well! Yay!


Well I'm going to be here for another 5 or 6 months.... So I kinda have to deal with it. 

Nothing here is that stressful or all that bad. It's just that they make you go to a whole bunch of BS classes just to get you used to being accountable and where you're supposed to be. 

I'm also cleaning this large bathroom for like $15 a week. I really like it and put everything into that job just to give me something to do. You get so bored here. I've made so many wallets and leather crap. I've got a crochet kit I've yet to start on and a pair of moccasins I need to finish. 

Oh, there also this awesome kindergarten arts and crafts class. I'm working on a leather wallet with a *zombie pinup stripper*. It's taking forever but it's going to be f*cking awesome. No real reason behind it. And I kinda wanted to make something really f*cked up and see how far I could push it before they sent me to the psychologist again and wrote a special little note in my file. Like I don't have enough of those already.:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

> My psychologist is this talk freakin hot mixed (Asian?) woman with a gigantic ass (It's magnificent) and big Disney princess eyes that give her crazy Jedi mind trick powers.


Hmmm, sex with your shrink...


----------



## bandit.45

That's hot. 

But unethical.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Unethical? How so? He he he


----------



## Ikaika

Another Planet said:


> Strange question but have you guys belonged to other forums in a major way?
> For the record I have been involved in forums for over a decade. My first one was a forum called extremeathlete.com when I was like 18yrs oldish...don't go there though, last I knew it was a straight up virus after it was bought out. Owners name was like BigJ I think, he was out of California, his GF was Erika something or other...strange thinking about that hmmm



I was for a short while active on a forum TalkBass. Yes, it is a a bunch of bass players talking about the equipment and all other aspects of playing the bass. I still log on from time to time.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, sex with your shrink...


That would be sweet. 

Though I haven't even told you guys about her friend. Little Latin woman puts porn stars to shame. 


Matter of fact there's a ton of hot women here. Lot of single women who look just beautiful but kinda stressed like they want to cry and then take a nap. I may have to go to the doctor for a neck brace from all the rubbernecking I have to do.:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Ahhhh the thread cleaned up a little and my baby bro back - all is right with the world


----------



## whitehawk

l want woman , but l'm on a self imposed woman holiday .

That is all


----------



## moxy

I had forgotten how sexy phone calls could get. Today, I was reminded.


----------



## jpr

Hey, Nsweet!

I was just thinking of you and wondering how you were doing.

...and I was also wondering if you had made it with a nurse yet. 


Glad to hear from you!


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I had forgotten how sexy phone calls could get. Today, I was reminded.


I feel like nobody talks on the phone anymore. Good on ya!

Nsweet--that sounds like bad news--the shrink you lust over. Nope!

AP-yes I have dabbled on other forums, too.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Strange question but have you guys belonged to other forums in a major way?
> For the record I have been involved in forums for over a decade. My first one was a forum called extremeathlete.com when I was like 18yrs oldish...don't go there though, last I knew it was a straight up virus after it was bought out. Owners name was like BigJ  I think, he was out of California, his GF was Erika something or other...strange thinking about that hmmm


Yes. I belong to a running forum and have been active with them since 2002. I have met several of them IRL and consider many of them true friends.


----------



## moxy

I'm at work, feeling overwhelmed and behind on everything. Politics can be tricky. I would love to pause time and spend a day catching up on everything.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet, you have the strangest stories. 
Are you sure you aren't commited and they are just telling you that you are in nursing school? Hope you're doing good buddy!


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet!!

So glad to see your avatar here! 
Miss you


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hm, I am stuck on a page in this thread, posting to see if I can move pages....


----------



## bandit.45

Me to. This thread has become molasses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

here I go!!! I shall help you Ms. 3X!~

I am in love with the idea of love. I want to be deeply, madly, truly in love!!

I want to sing love songs by a fire, I want him to wink when an inside joke happens, there are a million reasons why i want to be in love!!!


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> I was for a short while active on a forum TalkBass. Yes, it is a a bunch of bass players talking about the equipment and all other aspects of playing the bass. I still log on from time to time.


I started up playing bass again last year. I squeezed my wallet and purchased a Modulus, but I don't have the amp to match it. I have an old Ampeg but it just doesn't have the juice to really bring out this bass's low end. Any suggestions for a small powerful combo?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I started up playing bass again last year. I squeezed my wallet and purchased a Modulus, but I don't have the amp to match it. I have an old Ampeg but it just doesn't have the juice to really bring out this bass's low end. Any suggestions for a small powerful combo?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dont have any suggestions, but I am going to learn how to play guitar, I think playing a guitar will come in handy when I am hitch hiking all over the USA. I am tone deaf so I will not torture anyone with my singing....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> here I go!!! I shall help you Ms. 3X!~
> 
> *I am in love with the idea of love. I want to be deeply, madly, truly in love!!*I want to sing love songs by a fire, I want him to wink when an inside joke happens, there are a million reasons why i want to be in love!!!


Me too ne! 

I switched over from Firefox to IE (yuck!!) and can get to this last page.WTF.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Dont have any suggestions, but I am going to learn how to play guitar, I think playing a guitar will come in handy when I am hitch hiking all over the USA. I am tone deaf so I will not torture anyone with my singing....


Play guitar and sing?

I love guitar music. Singing, not nearly as much unless you have very talented vocal cords. One of my pet peeves is when someone offers to "play guitar" for you but then just strums a chord while proceeding to wail some gawdawful lyrics.


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Play guitar and sing?
> 
> I love guitar music. Singing, not nearly as much unless you have very talented vocal cords. One of my pet peeves is when someone offers to "play guitar" for you but then just strums a chord while proceeding to wail some gawdawful lyrics.


Just play guitar, I know I cannot sing. 
Hmmm.... maybe if I whisper a song, i can pull it off!!


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I started up playing bass again last year. I squeezed my wallet and purchased a Modulus, but I don't have the amp to match it. I have an old Ampeg but it just doesn't have the juice to really bring out this bass's low end. Any suggestions for a small powerful combo?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If you are looking for a combo rather and bass head and separate speaker cabinet I would check out Gallien-Krueger. They make several different combo set ups and I have never been disappointed with their rigs. If you jam with others and output through a mixing board the Gallien-Krueger modes allow you to expand on that level. These are reasonably priced for the power you get. 

Playing for 38 years . Welcome to the low down club where our woods are longer and we go deeper


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Me too ne!
> 
> I switched over from Firefox to IE (yuck!!) and can get to this last page.WTF.


3X the NSA issued a warning not to use IE anymore because of major security risks. Even Microsoft is on the bandwagon with it. 
Switch to Google Chrome it's a way better browser once you get use to it.


----------



## ne9907

I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


Is there anything called "Country Mingle" like the whole "Christian Mingle" site?? 

How is everyone today. I'm exhausted. I need to quit staying up so damn late my body is not liking it.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> here I go!!! I shall help you Ms. 3X!~
> 
> I am in love with the idea of love. I want to be deeply, madly, truly in love!!
> 
> I want to sing love songs by a fire, I want him to wink when an inside joke happens, there are a million reasons why i want to be in love!!!


Me too, I'm tired of being alone honestly. I know I have a girlfriend blah blah whatever, she is just a GF and I am not sure about long term seriousness with her. She gets kind of weird when talking about it, says one thing but kind of pushes away at the same time. Whatever no big deal just if shes not interested honestly I think I am going to have to move on.

Last night I took the kids on a bike ride to a playground and while we were there I just had this overwhelming thought/feeling that I don't want to do this alone anymore. It's like my mind and heart just put their foot down and said "listen this is the way it's going to be this is what we want get it?".....lol

I don't want that nagging thought in the back of my head wondering if I ever get to not be alone. Not that I mind being alone it's just not what I want right now. I either want serious or nothing at all and I need a clear cut definition with no questions about if I am with someone long term or not.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Dont have any suggestions, but I am going to learn how to play guitar, I think playing a guitar will come in handy when I am hitch hiking all over the USA. I am tone deaf so I will not torture anyone with my singing....


I play guitar... it's very soul satisfying....


----------



## vi_bride04

AP, just my opinion, but I do not think bleecher was ever long term potential.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


There has to be. They've got one for everything else.

Search, woman!

Hell, I keep getting dating site adverts for "Our Time." Turns out it's a senior citizen dating website. Maybe my next boyfriend is on there. :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> If you are looking for a combo rather and bass head and separate speaker cabinet I would check out Gallien-Krueger. They make several different combo set ups and I have never been disappointed with their rigs. If you jam with others and output through a mixing board the Gallien-Krueger modes allow you to expand on that level. These are reasonably priced for the power you get.
> 
> Playing for 38 years . Welcome to the low down club where our woods are longer and we go deeper


Thanks bro.

I play guitar mostly. I learned bass in h.s. played for a while, and then just sord of faded out of it. Now that I'm in my 40s my fingers are getting stiff and its harder to play guitar. 

I bought my bass on a whim last year. Was at a Guitar Center, saw it, fell in love with the carbon graphite neck , and it sounded awesome... in the store anyway. But then I went and bought an old Ampeg from a guy on Craigslist. It's okay but not great. I'll check out the Gallien Krueger. Thanks for the tip.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> 3X the NSA issued a warning not to use IE anymore because of major security risks.


Oooh I had not heard this. Thanks for the info.



Another Planet said:


> She gets kind of weird when talking about it, says one thing but kind of pushes away at the same time.


Talk to her about it. If you just want casual, go for it but don't get super involved if you see she pushes back a lot.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


I was a cowboy growing up, but I sort of left it behind after high school. My cousins are all ranchers. 

Yeah I think there are dating sites for horsey types...


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Is there anything called "Country Mingle" like the whole "Christian Mingle" site??
> 
> How is everyone today. I'm exhausted. I need to quit staying up so damn late my body is not liking it.


There's one for Farmers Only or something like that. Not sure if that's more Mr. GreenJeans or guys that wear Wranglers though. 

Staying up late is the best. I mean worst. I was home all last week after my surgery and have been having a terrible time getting my days and nights back in the right order. To say I've been dragging a$$ this week is an understatement!


----------



## Another Planet

Concerning IE it looks like they are finding ways to work around it over the last week or so. Still I have had Chrome for all my stuff for over a year now and I couldn't be happier.

Microsoft issues workaround for Internet Explorer bug


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


Come to Saskatchewan, lots of ranchers and cowboy bars here.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


Hey... you know. There is a male poster on TAM named Stallion. 

He's a cowboy and horse trainer who is on the verge of divorcing his WAW. 

Not saying you should jump on that, but......


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> Come to Saskatchewan, lots of ranchers and cowboy bars here.


And they are really, really nice cowboys....


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Hell, I keep getting dating site adverts for "Our Time." Turns out it's a senior citizen dating website. Maybe my next boyfriend is on there. :rofl:


JB - you MUST have an old person fetish for the ads to point to those types of dating sites!!!

Holy cow, that's just hilarious.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks bro.
> 
> I play guitar mostly. I learned bass in h.s. played for a while, and then just sord of faded out of it. Now that I'm in my 40s my fingers are getting stiff and its harder to play guitar.
> 
> I bought my bass on a whim last year. Was at a Guitar Center, saw it, fell in love with the carbon graphite neck , and it sounded awesome... in the store anyway. But then I went and bought an old Ampeg from a guy on Craigslist. It's okay but not great. I'll check out the Gallien Krueger. Thanks for the tip.


Oh to any of the ladies who never thought about learning the bass, just saying:

Divinity Roxx - Bass Improvisation & Freestyle Rap - YouTube

Rhonda Smith Plays Mesa Boogie - YouTube

Esperanza Spalding "She Got To You" on Jimmy Kimmel Live - YouTube


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Oooh I had not heard this. Thanks for the info.
> 
> 
> 
> Talk to her about it. If you just want casual, go for it but don't get super involved if you see she pushes back a lot.


And just in case you still want to use IE:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> And they are really, really nice cowboys....


And it's really cold 8 months of the year so they need warm women that can make beef stew or borscht and get nekkid in front of the woodstove, and know how to saddle their horse.


----------



## edgya1234

So how are you today or tonight, I am really out of converting the time difference 
Instead of the pool I had a full day working except was next to the pool. This MBA asked me for so many things I love writing but today I am fed up 
Tank God for parents and siblings for bringing me coffee, water, juices during my non-stop 10 hour work


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> And it's really cold 8 months of the year so they need warm women that can make beef stew or borscht and get nekkid in front of the woodstove, and know how to saddle their horse.


And they wear woolly chaps....


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Me too, I'm tired of being alone honestly. I know I have a girlfriend blah blah whatever, she is just a GF and I am not sure about long term seriousness with her. She gets kind of weird when talking about it, says one thing but kind of pushes away at the same time. Whatever no big deal just if shes not interested honestly I think I am going to have to move on.
> 
> Last night I took the kids on a bike ride to a playground and while we were there I just had this overwhelming thought/feeling that I don't want to do this alone anymore. It's like my mind and heart just put their foot down and said "listen this is the way it's going to be this is what we want get it?".....lol
> 
> I don't want that nagging thought in the back of my head wondering if I ever get to not be alone. Not that I mind being alone it's just not what I want right now. I either want serious or nothing at all and I need a clear cut definition with no questions about if I am with someone long term or not.


This is how I feel, which is so strange, because until recently I did not want anything serious at all.

Blue eyes is not my cowboy, he is nothing I want in a serious relationship. I should definitely cut him lose, before loneliness makes me fall for him and settle!


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Come to Saskatchewan, lots of ranchers and cowboy bars here.


Hmmm, do y'all have internet up North? 
I am thinking of cyber dating me a Canadian rancher.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I want a cowboy. Is there a dating website for dating country boys?


OMG me too! I am a cowgirl at heart still, even though I dont have a horse any more.


----------



## edgya1234

Another Planet said:


> Me too, I'm tired of being alone honestly. I know I have a girlfriend blah blah whatever, she is just a GF and I am not sure about long term seriousness with her. She gets kind of weird when talking about it, says one thing but kind of pushes away at the same time. Whatever no big deal just if shes not interested honestly I think I am going to have to move on.
> 
> Last night I took the kids on a bike ride to a playground and while we were there I just had this overwhelming thought/feeling that I don't want to do this alone anymore. It's like my mind and heart just put their foot down and said "listen this is the way it's going to be this is what we want get it?".....lol
> 
> I don't want that nagging thought in the back of my head wondering if I ever get to not be alone. Not that I mind being alone it's just not what I want right now. I either want serious or nothing at all and I need a clear cut definition with no questions about if I am with someone long term or not.


Uff I am so sorry to hear this AP. You seemed a very happy couple. Anyhow in my opinion one day, when you will stop thinking on it and you will be happy with your life as it is your "happiness" might come along in form of a hot girl in a sports car
Anyhow you are a nice guy, your GF will come along or well ...another one will come along


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Hmmm, do y'all have internet up North?
> I am thinking of cyber dating me a Canadian rancher.


If you live in the city you can get fibre right to your house.

But if he lives too far off of the TransCanada highway he will be paying hundreds a month for satellite internet and 5gb capped data.


----------



## muskrat

WTH, where are all the women that want a farm boy in my neck of the woods?


----------



## muskrat

I added a pic for NE and 3X. It will only be up for a limited time.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I added a pic for NE and 3X. It will only be up for a limited time.


OMG you're adorable!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I added a pic for NE and 3X. It will only be up for a limited time.



OMG you are young and sexy! 
I thought you were like in your 60s

EDIT: where is your neck of the woods ?? lol


----------



## muskrat

I am 35. :rofl:

I am east of the Mississippi


----------



## bandit.45

See Rat.... You have got fans now.. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I am 35. :rofl:
> 
> I am east of the Mississippi


Well that narrows THAT down, lol! Evidently ne is in Narnia, so I guess I win! LOL!!


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> See Rat.... You have got fans now..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


B this is your pet name for musk It shows a lot of love


----------



## muskrat

For actual state and location please pm. 

I think I may be the only farmer in this thread. :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Well that narrows THAT down, lol! Evidently ne is in Narnia, so I guess I win! LOL!!


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I am older Rat, I am 36, but defnitely your groupie~

But first do you know this "NOthing on but the radio"

Second, yep I am in Narnia


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> See Rat.... You have got fans now..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Were you checking me out B? :rofl:
Oh and I prefer Nacona boots. My senior year in HS my mom gave me money to buy school clothes. I got a nice pair of cowboy boots and had just enough left to buy 1 pair of wranglers. :rofl: Momma was not happy. I still have those boots. I did have to have them resoled 3 times now though.


----------



## bandit.45

I see a TAM hookup happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

muskrat said:


> Were you checking me out B? :rofl:
> Oh and I prefer Nacona boots. My senior year in HS my mom gave me money to buy school clothes. I got a nice pair of cowboy boots and had just enough left to buy 1 pair of wranglers. :rofl: Momma was not happy. I still have those boots. I did have to have them resoled 3 times now though.


I just wanted to say that I bet you still have the boots Ha, ha


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Were you checking me out B? :rofl:
> Oh and I prefer Nacona boots. My senior year in HS my mom gave me money to buy school clothes. I got a nice pair of cowboy boots and had just enough left to buy 1 pair of wranglers. :rofl: Momma was not happy. I still have those boots. I did have to have them resoled 3 times now though.


Um... No Rat. I wasn't checking you out. Doosh. 

Naconas are good boots. I've owned a few pairs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> And they wear woolly chaps....


The last time I posted a pic of me wearing chaps JPR and Unsure made me take it down. It did give the forum a good laugh though. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Me too, I'm tired of being alone honestly. I know I have a girlfriend blah blah whatever, she is just a GF and I am not sure about long term seriousness with her. She gets kind of weird when talking about it, says one thing but kind of pushes away at the same time. Whatever no big deal just if shes not interested honestly I think I am going to have to move on.
> 
> Last night I took the kids on a bike ride to a playground and while we were there I just had this overwhelming thought/feeling that I don't want to do this alone anymore. It's like my mind and heart just put their foot down and said "listen this is the way it's going to be this is what we want get it?".....lol
> 
> I don't want that nagging thought in the back of my head wondering if I ever get to not be alone. Not that I mind being alone it's just not what I want right now. I either want serious or nothing at all and I need a clear cut definition with no questions about if I am with someone long term or not.


Very well stated AP! I feel the same way. I am sick of playing the games people play. You're either all in or I'm out.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> For actual state and location please pm.
> 
> I think I may be the only farmer in this thread. :smthumbup:


Organic or Monsanto based?


----------



## muskrat

So I spent my morning with an appraiser having all the properties appraised. Going off her estimates it looks like I may be able to keep my cabin.:smthumbup: I'll know more soon. Our final hearing is July 3 and then I just have to wait for the final ruling. It has been 4 years of divorce hell, but the end is finally in sight. :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Organic or Monsanto based?


I have a feeling I may not want to answer this. I could see a lively debate coming from this question.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> So I spent my morning with an appraiser having all the properties appraised. Going off her estimates it looks like I may be able to keep my cabin.:smthumbup: I'll know more soon. Our final hearing is July 3 and then I just have to wait for the final ruling. It has been 4 years of divorce hell, but the end is finally in sight. :smthumbup:


And you will no longer be hooked to a cheating skank.  

Must be fun handing off the kids to her and not wanting to throttle her into unconsciousness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

How is this for opposites. I have been talking to a lady who is 5'11", my ex was 5'0". That is a drastic height difference. I think I like it. I am 6'2", so all that bending down got old.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> And you will no longer be hooked to a cheating skank.
> 
> Must be fun handing off the kids to her and not wanting to throttle her into unconsciousness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At this point I am more pissed off about sending in a CS check every month. We have 50/50 custody. I pay for the kids when they are with me (50% of the week) and I pay her to spend time with our kids. That crap is ridiculous! I am actually paying more than most men I know that only see their kids every other weekend.


----------



## bandit.45

Get back to court and fight it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> At this point I am more pissed off about sending in a CS check every month. We have 50/50 custody. I pay for the kids when they are with me (50% of the week) and I pay her to spend time with our kids. That crap is ridiculous! I am actually paying more than most men I know that only see their kids every other weekend.


I am in the same fckn boat man. It's sick some weeks I have my kids every single day, but I still pay child support! What's up with that?
Honestly I see it as a payment to keep her away from me, I hate you so much I will pay you to get the hell out of my life lol


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> I have a feeling I may not want to answer this. I could see a lively debate coming from this question.


Makes me sad, rat, makes me sad, I think I know the answer

Hope you can go to more sustainable practices and away from the corporate control of our food system sometime 

Anyways, so glad you will be finally rid of your ex soon. I can't believe its been 4 yrs!!! Geez. I agree with bandit about fighting the CS. But is there anything that can be done? I know in MI it can't be re-evaluated for 3 yrs after an amount is set unless there is some sort of circumstance like a job loss.


----------



## ne9907

I dont ghost people, I am also very straight forward. So, i have decided to let blue eyes ghost because he is not what I want, I am developing feelings for him, and I am afraid I will totally fall head over heels and settle (because he has none of the traits I want!)

In any event, I sent him a text earlier, asking if he wanted to get grab a bite.
His response was that he couldnt do it tonight because he made other plans, maybe tomorrow.

Call me crazy, but sounds like he feels the same way i do. It is time to end this hook up.


----------



## muskrat

I'm not a big fan of chemicals, but if every farmer was forced to grow crops organically, we would starve as a country. The yields are significantly reduced and the cost of the extra labor is outrageous. 
If people want cheap food and plenty of it, there is no avoiding the Monsanto's of the world.


----------



## bandit.45

It just doesn't pay for a guy to get married and have kids. Not these days. I see fewer and fewer young men marrying in this country, to the point where we will begin to have negative population growth...like they are having in Italy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm not a big fan of chemicals, but if every farmer was forced to grow crops organically, we would starve as a country. The yields are significantly reduced and the cost of the extra labor is outrageous.
> If people want cheap food and plenty of it, there is no avoiding the Monsanto's of the world.


I say we just kill and eat Canadians.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I just found a clothing store that I really like; types of clothing I dig and decently priced.

The most ironic thing? After being a big guy for so long it was great to finally get out of those 2xl - 3xl shirts etc. Now that I'm in shape ... I don't fit into large "dress" clothes because my arms and chest are too big.

I have to settle for xl - 2xl! Bahaha. 

First.World.Problems.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> At this point I am more pissed off about sending in a CS check every month. We have 50/50 custody. I pay for the kids when they are with me (50% of the week) and I pay her to spend time with our kids. That crap is ridiculous! I am actually paying more than most men I know that only see their kids every other weekend.


I'm in the same boat. Fortunately it's only $250 but I'm on a tight budget and still house poor for the next two weeks when new owners take possession of my house and I take possession of their cash. It is a pita when she starts threatening me over not being able to afford all best things for my son, but i suspect she is now earning more than I so I will be pretty happy when I ask for a recalculation in the near future and she will be paying me instead.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> It just doesn't pay for a guy to get married and have kids. Not these days. I see fewer and fewer young men marrying in this country, to the point where we will begin to have negative population growth...like they are having in Italy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It would have cost me much less to just go visit a hooker. :rofl:
By my calculations the cost for 7 years of marriage will be a little over a 1/4 of a million for me. NOT WORTH IT!! But I do have my kids and they are worth every penny. It is all very conflicting.




NE, I love your stage coach pic. You are freaking HOT! :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> I'm in the same boat. Fortunately it's only $250 but I'm on a tight budget and still house poor for the next two weeks when new owners take possession of my house and I take possession of their cash. It is a pita when she starts threatening me over not being able to afford all best things for my son, but i suspect she is now earning more than I so I will be pretty happy when I ask for a recalculation in the near future and she will be paying me instead.


I would dance for joy over $250. Right now I am paying $600.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I say we just kill and eat Canadians.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We are grain fed, but also a lot more wild and violent than our polite demeanor would suggest. If you tried it would turn out like last time (1812) and our meal would come to us. Since we have so much food already we would just preserve you in jars for after you create a nuclear world war.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> I'm not a big fan of chemicals, but if every farmer was forced to grow crops organically, we would starve as a country. The yields are significantly reduced and the cost of the extra labor is outrageous.
> *If people want cheap food and plenty of it, there is no avoiding the Monsanto's of the world.*


Exactly - people need to demand better. 

Its only "cheap" due to the large gov. subsidizing that is done. If it wasn't for that, it wouldn't be "cheap".

I don't think anyone should be "forced" to do anything - yet we are "forced" to eat Monsanto's crap as GMO labeling laws are non existent in this country. And Monsanto fights tooth and nail to defeat any type of labeling proposal. 

Not sure if you are into the USDA and FDA proposals that are on the books to change rules for what is considered organic and whats not, the whole Trans Pacific Partnership and how it governs our food - but really Monsanto rules the world and until people stop supporting them, we will continuously be poisoned, superweeds and superbugs will continue to run rampant and the world will starved from malnutrition. I mean they hold what, 90% of the seed market in the world? 

I would love to move to a country where GMOs and most of the harmful chemicals we use in this country are banned.


----------



## bandit.45

Blame Canada.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Canada rocks!!!
Sorry, just had to get props in for my country 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Exactly - people need to demand better.
> 
> Its only "cheap" due to the large gov. subsidizing that is done. If it wasn't for that, it wouldn't be "cheap".
> 
> I don't think anyone should be "forced" to do anything - yet we are "forced" to eat Monsanto's crap as GMO labeling laws are non existent in this country. And Monsanto fights tooth and nail to defeat any type of labeling proposal.
> 
> Not sure if you are into the USDA and FDA proposals that are on the books to change rules for what is considered organic and whats not, the whole Trans Pacific Partnership and how it governs our food - but really Monsanto rules the world and until people stop supporting them, we will continuously be poisoned, superweeds and superbugs will continue to run rampant and the world will starved from malnutrition. I mean they hold what, 90% of the seed market in the world?
> 
> I would love to move to a country where GMOs and most of the harmful chemicals we use in this country are banned.


You are not forced to eat Monsanto's crap. I have a garden and I grow all my own veggies organically. I also raise my own livestock and do my own butchering. I also tend to eat a lot of wild game. I could so live without a grocery store.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I say we just kill and eat Canadians.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl:




Lon said:


> We are grain fed, but also a lot more wild and violent than our polite demeanor would suggest. If you tried it would turn out like last time (1812) and our meal would come to us. Since we have so much food already we would just preserve you in jars for after you create a nuclear world war.


:rofl::rofl:

great comeback!! 
I would have said "Your mom"


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> You are not forced to eat Monsanto's crap. I have a garden and I grow all my own veggies organically. I also raise my own livestock and do my own butchering. I also tend to eat a lot of wild game. I could so live without a grocery store.


Monsanto or heirloom seeds?


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Monsanto or heirloom seeds?


Crops I sell, Mosanto. Crops I eat, Heirloom.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> NE, I love your stage coach pic. You are freaking HOT! :smthumbup:


Thank you


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> Thank you


You're welcome.

Now where the heck is that wardrobe that leads to Narnia?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> great comeback!!
> I would have said "Your mom"


Well to be fair, if it were any of you ladies that had said "eat Canadians" I'd have been much more agreeable. Bandit doesn't have the right physical attributes to make a convincing diplomat.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Thank you


Yes I would agree with that assessment. You are on the higher end of the mercury.


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> Well to be fair, if it were any of you ladies that had said "eat Canadians" I'd have been much more agreeable. Bandit doesn't have the right physical attributes to make a convincing diplomat.


To be fair, I don't think you possess what Bandit wants to eat. I know you don't have what I like to eat.


----------



## Dollystanford

I've found Canadians to be rather delicious


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> Well to be fair, if it were any of you ladies that had said "eat Canadians" I'd have been much more agreeable. Bandit doesn't have the right physical attributes to make a convincing diplomat.


Hey I listen to Rush....


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> I've found Canadians to be rather delicious


Which parts?


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> To be fair, I don't think you possess what Bandit wants to eat. I know you don't have what I like to eat.


Their bacon is tasty.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Crops I sell, Mosanto. Crops I eat, Heirloom.


It is just a real shame that farmers can't really be farmers in order to make profit in this country. They have to conform to the industrial food system to make a living. Things are so ass backwards.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I've found Canadians to be rather delicious


Psst Don't tell the Americans (or at least not the male ones)


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> It is just a real shame that farmers can't really be farmers in order to make profit in this country. They have to conform to the industrial food system to make a living. Things are so ass backwards.


I'm sorry we will have to continue this discussion another time. My mind is now fixated on tasting a Canadian.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> It is just a real shame that farmers can't really be farmers in order to make profit in this country. They have to conform to the industrial food system to make a living. Things are so ass backwards.


There is a documentary on Netflix I want to watch, but it is about farmers in Europe... they are killing themselves. 

They are committing suicide in droves because they cannot plant and grow things the way they were raised to, because the governments control and subsidize everything. 

Spanish and French farmers have the highest rate of suicide of any economic group in Euorope.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Canada rocks!!!
> Sorry, just had to get props in for my country
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love how you say sorry for being proud of your country.

I'm sorry that I pointed that out.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> It is just a real shame that farmers can't really be farmers in order to make profit in this country. They have to conform to the industrial food system to make a living. Things are so ass backwards.


Conforming to authority is the same institutionalization as with doctors, teachers, even artists.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm sorry we will have to continue this discussion another time. My mind is now fixated on tasting a Canadian.


Laura Prepon (The '70s Show) is Canadian...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Laura Prepon (The '70s Show) is Canadian...


She is my cousin.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I'm sorry we will have to continue this discussion another time. My mind is now fixated on tasting a Canadian.


Mine too, I must have me some Canadian.


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> She is my cousin.


Uh huh....


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> There is a documentary on Netflix I want to watch, but it is about farmers in Europe... they are killing themselves.
> 
> They are committing suicide in droves because they cannot plant and grow things the way they were raised to, because the governments control and subsidize everything.
> 
> Spanish and French farmers have the highest rate of suicide of any economic group in Euorope.


Just wait - the same will come to the entire world once the TPP passes


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Mine too, I must have me some Canadian.


I'm Canadian!!


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> She is my cousin.


Dude, do another TAMer a solid and hook me up! :rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Dude, do another TAMer a solid and hook me up! :rofl:


Ok I'll get right in it!
edit: on it.


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> Ok I'll get right in it!
> edit: on it.


In it?

On it....on it......


Ay......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> She is my cousin.


Do you know Ryan Goseling??????


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> Do you know Ryan Goseling??????


mmmmm yeah, Canadians are tasty


----------



## ne9907

I blame country music for my high expectations on love and relationships....

Check this out
Luke Bryan - Crash My Party (with Lyrics) - YouTube


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I blame country music for my high expectations on love and relationships....
> 
> Check this out
> Luke Bryan - Crash My Party (with Lyrics) - YouTube


OMG kill me! I would die happy if I never had to hear another Luke Bryan or Eric Church song ever again.
That's all my GF listens to :moon:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> OMG kill me! I would die happy if I never had to hear another Luke Bryan or Eric Church song ever again.
> That's all my GF listens to :moon:


Thats my kind of girl 

Are you saying you dont like country???


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Do you know Ryan Goseling??????


I actually used to work at a car rental place in Coquitlam that provided vehicles for the movie productions. I was on the set of Breaker High a couple times, one of which they were filming and Goseling was at work. He was just a wee lad (and i was not that much less wee back then)


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Thats my kind of girl
> 
> Are you saying you dont like country???


It's not that I don't like it, it's just there is sooo much better music out there to listen to. For the record you don't listen to country music you listen to pop music for hillbillies


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> For the record you don't listen to country music you listen to pop music for hillbillies


Lol this is exactly how i see it all the time too. They call it country because there is a slide guitar and they have twang.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> It's not that I don't like it, it's just there is sooo much better music out there to listen to. For the record you don't listen to country music you listen to pop music for hillbillies


totally agree

Please shoot me if I ever start liking "Florida-Georgia country line"

They bring shame to country!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> totally agree
> 
> Please shoot me if I ever start liking "Florida-Georgia country line"
> 
> They bring shame to country!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh you mean like this!!! This seriously makes me want to hang myself. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PvebsWcpto


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> I've found Canadians to be rather delicious



When capt James Cook came to the islands my ancestors found him delicious


----------



## COGypsy

I'm tired of working. I'm tired of unpacking boxes. I want the weather to actually be as warm as it looks so I can get my pasty white butt to the driving range! I am officially ready to go play outside. Now just to get the weather and my crazy life to cooperate....


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Oh you mean like this!!! This seriously makes me want to hang myself.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PvebsWcpto


They were at stage coach, I hated it!!!!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Co - I am SO SICK OF THE WEATHER.

What is going on. The trees are not even budding yet. Its 70 then its 40 then its 60 and sunny then its storming and windy. No forcast for rain today and guess what - looks like a thunderstorm is rolling in. Oh and its only in the mid 40s due to the fricken windchill.

Its May. Where are the constant 60s at least?!


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> When capt James Cook came to the islands my ancestors found him delicious


Hawaii has cowboys. What do you call them there? Paniolos?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

vi_bride04 said:


> Co - I am SO SICK OF THE WEATHER.
> 
> What is going on. The trees are not even budding yet. Its 70 then its 40 then its 60 and sunny then its storming and windy. No forcast for rain today and guess what - looks like a thunderstorm is rolling in. Oh and its only in the mid 40s due to the fricken windchill.
> 
> Its May. Where are the constant 60s at least?!


Global warming.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Me too, I'm tired of being alone honestly. I know I have a girlfriend blah blah whatever, she is just a GF and I am not sure about long term seriousness with her. She gets kind of weird when talking about it, says one thing but kind of pushes away at the same time. Whatever no big deal just if shes not interested honestly I think I am going to have to move on.
> 
> Last night I took the kids on a bike ride to a playground and while we were there I just had this overwhelming thought/feeling that I don't want to do this alone anymore. It's like my mind and heart just put their foot down and said "listen this is the way it's going to be this is what we want get it?".....lol
> 
> I don't want that nagging thought in the back of my head wondering if I ever get to not be alone. Not that I mind being alone it's just not what I want right now. I either want serious or nothing at all and I need a clear cut definition with no questions about if I am with someone long term or not.



Yep l hear you AP.
For all my last few mths of juggling women , l know none of them were going to be the real deal and it's a weird feeling for me. Because l never usually wasted time with dead ends before.
l suppose it takes time sometimes to work through things with some people. And now l realize that even 32 can go no where because l'm just not comfortable about it as cool as she is.

So l stay at my sisters a few nights last wk while down town for work . l don't particulary like them as a couple or people , they're filthy rich and have a lot of stuff that goes with rich. But to be in their home , around their family , made me sad and reflective. At least they're together and whole .

l miss that .


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Global warming.


No. You farted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> I'm tired of working. I'm tired of unpacking boxes. I want the weather to actually be as warm as it looks so I can get my pasty white butt to the driving range! I am officially ready to go play outside. Now just to get the weather and my crazy life to cooperate....


I'll trade with you. It's almost 100 here in Phoenix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Global warming.


I never understand this argument.

The earth is changing. It always changes all the time. It goes through periods of hot and cold during its life cycle.

I do believe the pollution mankind causes has finally tipped the scale in terms of weather patterns and the ecosystem (Fvkushima for example) and I also believe the earth regulates itsself. I guess if it is "global warming" she is doing her best right now to cool things down. 

I have very nature based/shamanistic views and 100000% believe the balance of nature. If it goes off kilter too much, the earth will restore balance. Whether mankind survives the restoration, well, guess time will tell.


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> I'll trade with you. It's almost 100 here in Phoenix.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Done and done! With the moving and some other complications I didn't even get to book my spring time escape to the sunshine this year! It's 55 degrees with 30 mph winds here. And sadly, it's the most temperate day so far this week. Spring is the stupidest idea for a season that anybody ever, ever, ever had!

And why yes, I AM stomping my virtual foot and pouting with every word! :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> How is this for opposites. I have been talking to a lady who is 5'11", my ex was 5'0". That is a drastic height difference. I think I like it. I am 6'2", so all that bending down got old.



l know the feeling Rat. Mine was 5'2 , l'm 6' but l've never been with a taller girl.
So sometimes l've found someone on my date site that sounds good , reading away , next minute l see - 5'9 or something like that, hu ,, :scratchhead:

Really throws me !


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> It just doesn't pay for a guy to get married and have kids. Not these days. I see fewer and fewer young men marrying in this country, to the point where we will begin to have negative population growth...like they are having in Italy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well here , guys get this sh!t thrown at them all the time like - oh your scared of commitment , you should grow up , ra ra rah.
But hey , look at the divorce rate , look at those same women mlc'ing 20yrs later , talking about being free again , the girl friends, the clubbing again , suddenly they were held back all those years in their marriage.

Just sayin , not trying to open a can of worms round here or anything but that's the long term outlook in many cases you know and he usually ends up taken to the cleaners and living some part time heart breaking dad thing.

lt's so fkg common now . Sow if we weren't too keen on taking the plunge back when l got married , l hate to think now . 
lt's a really bad way to see it but when l see couples getting married now l'm usually thinking of the other end in 10 or 20yrs time, not what a cute couple they make.

Sad ain't it .


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I never understand this argument.
> 
> The earth is changing. It always changes all the time. It goes through periods of hot and cold during its life cycle.
> 
> I do believe the pollution mankind causes has finally tipped the scale in terms of weather patterns and the ecosystem (Fvkushima for example) and I also believe the earth regulates itsself. I guess if it is "global warming" she is doing her best right now to cool things down.
> 
> I have very nature based/shamanistic views and 100000% believe the balance of nature. If it goes off kilter too much, the earth will restore balance. Whether mankind survives the restoration, well, guess time will tell.


OMG Vi we have to hang out sometime lol! I gave up even talking to people about global warming. My thought has always been "do you actually think such an insignificant little ant like us on this planet would make that much of an impact?"...even if we do the world will just stomp us out and start again. It's so egotistical to think we can permanently change the planet. We have only been here for the blink of an eye in the scheme of things.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Hawaii has cowboys. What do you call them there? Paniolos?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hawaiian word for Spaniards, since the original cowboys were from Spain.  And, yes we still have active cowboys here. I remember a girl from HS whose father was a cowboy. And she rode horses


----------



## ne9907

Save a horse, ride a cowboy


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> Do you know Ryan Goseling??????


Never could figure the attraction, always thought he looks like a dork. Just me, guy here saying, please no tomatoes.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Save a horse, ride a cowboy


I always thought those Marlboro men were kinda sexy in a rugged, er... 

Nevermind....

Sorry... I had a homoerotic moment there.....


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> OMG Vi we have to hang out sometime lol! I gave up even talking to people about global warming. My thought has always been "do you actually think such an insignificant little ant like us on this planet would make that much of an impact?"...even if we do the world will just stomp us out and start again. It's so egotistical to think we can permanently change the planet. We have only been here for the blink of an eye in the scheme of things.


Hey, I tried during the autoshow  

I'm sure we could have some interesting discussion, especially if you aren't a sheeple and familiar with the letters glp


----------



## 06Daddio08

People act as if climate change around the would is something new ... the arctic used to be green for crying out loud.


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Hawaiian word for Spaniards, since the original cowboys were from Spain.  And, yes we still have active cowboys here. I remember a girl from HS whose father was a cowboy. And she rode horses


The Spanish cowboys were the ones who introduced the guitar and alternate tunings to the islands, from whence Slack Key was born....

One of the biggest ranches in the US, area-wise, used to be on the big island if I remember right.


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> People act as if climate change around the would is something new ... the arctic used to be green for crying out loud.


Remember that the earth's magnetic field is re-polarizing too... and that affects the climate in whacky ways, plus solar flares, plus Muskrat's nasty farts.....


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> The Spanish cowboys were the ones who introduced the guitar and alternate tunings to the islands, from whence Slack Key was born....
> 
> One of the biggest ranches in the US, area-wise, used to be on the big island if I remember right.


They also introduced the Ukulele (essentially). The only true native instruments are the nose flute and various percussion instruments. 

Parker Ranch (still operated under the name) is the largest ranch however there are other smaller ranches on Big Island as well as on Maui, Kauai and even down the road from where we live Kualoa Ranch, here on O'ahu.


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> They also introduced the Ukulele (essentially). The only true native instruments are the nose flute and various percussion instruments.
> 
> Parker Ranch (still operated under the name) is the largest ranch however there are other smaller ranches on Big Island as well as on Maui, Kauai and even down the road from where we live Kualoa Ranch, here on O'ahu.


I've had Hawaiian grown beef several times. Nothing holds a candle to it. Best beef I've ever eaten.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I've had Hawaiian grown beef several times. Nothing holds a candle to it. Best beef I've ever eaten.


We only eat the grass-fed beef from Kualoa Ranch. Never ever buy it from the store. I just don't trust where they bring it in from and I would also rather support my local "cowboys"


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Nothing holds a candle to it.


hahahaha.....

WOW after all this time, i still get triggers.....

ex once told me one of his EAs did not hold a candle to me....


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> hahahaha.....
> 
> WOW after all this time, i still get triggers.....
> 
> ex once told me one of his EAs did not hold a candle to me....


Your ex had EA's with grass-fed beef?

That's the risk of dating cowboys, I guess!!


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> We only eat the grass-fed beef from Kualoa Ranch. Never ever buy it from the store. I just don't trust where they bring it in from and I would also rather support my local "cowboys"


It's gotta be that volcanic soil....


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> It's gotta be that volcanic soil....


True, but I still like our local O'ahu beef. 

A cousin of mine is a part owner of a ranch on Kauai (island me and most of my family is from). They also grow coffee (on the ranch) there as well.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Your ex had EA's with grass-fed beef?
> 
> That's the risk of dating cowboys, I guess!!


Ha ha ha ha ha smrt ass


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Save a horse, ride a cowboy


Hell, yeah.


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> True, but I still like our local O'ahu beef.
> 
> A cousin of mine is a part owner of a ranch on Kauai (island me and most of my family is from). They also grow coffee (on the ranch) there as well.


Hey what is that stuff made from pounded tarot leaves and octopus and coconut milk? It looks like spinach dip but holy sh!t is that stuff good!!!


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Hey what is that stuff made from pounded tarot leaves and octopus and coconut milk? It looks like spinach dip but holy sh!t is that stuff good!!!


Earthen baked Kalo leaves, coconut milk and squid, "squid luau". 

I hope I don't get banned for the pic


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Earthen baked Kalo leaves, coconut milk and squid, "squid luau".
> 
> I hope I don't get banned for the pic
> 
> View attachment 22786


Yep. Thats it!!! It looks like barf but it tastes divine....:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

ive got me a stage 5 clinger we havent even met and he wants to talk/text all the time.... liked him till he went stage 5.... so this is what its like being on the other side
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> ive got me a stage 5 clinger we havent even met and he wants to talk/text all the time.... liked him till he went stage 5.... so this is what its like being on the other side
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stage Five Clinger - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> ive got me a stage 5 clinger we havent even met and he wants to talk/text all the time.... liked him till he went stage 5.... so this is what its like being on the other side
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have sex with him, then a month down the road call him up and tell him you're pregnant. 

That will get rid of him pronto.


----------



## Ikaika

Something more appetizing for the singles audience... who doesn't like Banana Pancakes 

Jack Johnson - 'Banana Pancakes' | Live From The Studio #1 - YouTube


----------



## moxy

unsure, maybe he's just excited about getting to know you?

Bandit, that's funny.

I had a phone call that was way too much fun with Mr. New Guy yesterday, but I don't want to be the one to connect first because I don't want to seem clingy. However, I wish he'd text me today because I totally wanna do him. Instead, I just spent an hour at the gym; I'm glad that I've been redirecting my frustration lately because my clothes are a wee but looser nowadays.  I need to keep this up.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Have sex with him, then a month down the road call him up and tell him you're pregnant.
> 
> That will get rid of him pronto.


Or he'll propose right then and there....!


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Or he'll propose right then and there....!


That would be awkward....


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> unsure, maybe he's just excited about getting to know you?
> 
> Bandit, that's funny.
> 
> I had a phone call that was way too much fun with Mr. New Guy yesterday, but I don't want to be the one to connect first because I don't want to seem clingy. However, I wish he'd text me today because I totally wanna do him. Instead, I just spent an hour at the gym; I'm glad that I've been redirecting my frustration lately because my clothes are a wee but looser nowadays.  I need to keep this up.


Hmm im sure he is excited. .. but when yesterday you say I dont want to get married again. .. and then change your tune the next day because my answer disagreed with yours... yea kinda wierd... we havent met in person yet...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I got Syrian a $100 VS gift card. It's her birthday tomorrow. 

Too forward? 

Maybe I should have bought her a smoothie blender.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I got Syrian a $100 VS gift card. It's her birthday tomorrow.
> 
> Too forward?
> 
> Maybe I should have bought her a smoothie blender.


I have found gift cards depend on the person. Some really love it and others don't care for them.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I got Syrian a $100 VS gift card. It's her birthday tomorrow.
> 
> Too forward?
> 
> Maybe I should have bought her a smoothie blender.


I would have just made her banana pancakes that you could eat together in bed 

You know some Hot Cooking


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I got Syrian a $100 VS gift card. It's her birthday tomorrow.
> 
> Too forward?
> 
> Maybe I should have bought her a smoothie blender.


Could always TAKE her shopping and pick out something you'd like to see her in.

Flirt like crazy in the store, go home and enjoy your purchase.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> I have found gift cards depend on the person. Some really love it and others don't care for them.


I for one LOVE them! My bday is later this month, feel free to indulge me!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I for one LOVE them! My bday is later this month, feel free to indulge me!


Mine too! The 17th. You?


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I got Syrian a $100 VS gift card. It's her birthday tomorrow.
> 
> 
> 
> Too forward?
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe I should have bought her a smoothie blender.



I was never big on buying things (bd) as much as spending some special event or time together.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> Mine too! The 17th. You?


The 28th.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> Mine too! The 17th. You?


Me, also. The 18th!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> The 28th.


Boo, sh!tty day (is my ex's too)

Mines the 28th too, but of June


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> Me, also. The 18th!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm going to be so hungover on your birthday. Dirty Thirty!


----------



## ne9907

Mine is also in June, the 7th 

Off to catch a.movie with blue eyes
I really need to stop


----------



## Another Planet

WTH you guys need a club or something. That is strange :scratchhead:


----------



## Piggy

Rant
I sms My stbxh to check my girl bed over at his side because she has rashes. 
His replied: I always kept her bed very clean. Thanks for informing. 

Wtf


----------



## moxy

What I find most frustrating about dating in an era of camera phones is sexting. How the hell does one manage to take an aesthetically pleasing photo of one's own a$$? There are a whole bunch of blogs dedicated to the topic and none of them are useful. I'm plenty bendy, but I've decided that it just isn't in my repertoire. Well, not at this point, anyway. Seriously, isn't in person sex better? And using the imagination while waiting for it?


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> What I find most frustrating about dating in an era of camera phones is sexting. How the hell does one manage to take an aesthetically pleasing photo of one's own a$$? There are a whole bunch of blogs dedicated to the topic and none of them are useful. I'm plenty bendy, but I've decided that it just isn't in my repertoire. Well, not at this point, anyway. Seriously, isn't in person sex better? And using the imagination while waiting for it?


Uggh so tired of that to. 
Uggh just go through motions and do the real thing come on people seriously you really just want to jerk off and be done...I think we are a dying breed :/


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well my TAM single friends, we've all been through the gutter and back again in the last year or three. I'm sure of it. My what time can do (and getting our heads out of our arses).

Went to drop the kids off at their mothers and we began to discuss some upcoming events for the kids. At one point she told me that they might not make it to one as they could be going across the border to see her boyfriend. She didn't actually use his name, said where they'd be going.

I expected it to come up but wasn't sure, her face didn't flinch one bit and neither did mine. At times I can wear my emotions just below the surface, as I get flush rather quickly. Nothing, not a darn thing.

At times it's still odd to feel nothing or barely anything at all.

Anyways, I'm feeling good right now and posted a few pictures in my private album. An old before picture, a few others and one from today.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Well my TAM single friends, we've all been through the gutter and back again in the last year or three. I'm sure of it. My what time can do (and getting our heads out of our arses).
> 
> Went to drop the kids off at their mothers and we began to discuss some upcoming events for the kids. At one point she told me that they might not make it to one as they could be going across the border to see her boyfriend. She didn't actually use his name, said where they'd be going.
> 
> I expected it to come up but wasn't sure, her face didn't flinch one bit and neither did mine. At times I can wear my emotions just below the surface, as I get flush rather quickly. Nothing, not a darn thing.
> 
> At times it's still odd to feel nothing or barely anything at all.
> 
> Anyways, I'm feeling good right now and posted a few pictures in my private album. An old before picture, a few others and one from today.


Will you believe me if I say it only gets better with time? 
Nice to finally put a face to the name brother! Wish you the best :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

It gets better daddio. Pretty soon she will be a vague distant memory of a feeling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> I feel like nobody talks on the phone anymore. Good on ya!
> 
> Nsweet--that sounds like bad news--the shrink you lust over. Nope!
> 
> AP-yes I have dabbled on other forums, too.


No it's totally cool. I only lust after women until I get to know them and how crazy they are. Because all women are crazy on some level.... They pretty much have to be keep men in check. 

Now it's like "Wow look at that ass... NOOO! Turn away before she sees you and uses her Jedi mind tricks to make you admit to embarrassing events and then you have to go to their form of detention. 

No sh!t, they have detention here. You guy don't even know how ridiculous the rules are here. I cut myself shaving last week and just said "F*ck it. I'll let the bleeding stop on it's own. I had this pencil thin soul patch goatee of blood I had completely forgotten about. It just kept coming. 

*They sent me to the nurse and she made me go away and read a pamphlet on hair removal before I cam back.* Then get this... She told me if I did it again she would see about getting me the funds to buy a better razor at the hospital. So of course I had to be a jackass and ask her something stupid. I said _"So if I cut myself even worse tomorrow I'll get a free razor?"_:rofl:

I also have to say something about the women here. Not the patients or the immediate staff in the area. And not anything you've heard before. Man, if I had my head my head on straight I could clean up here. I can't count how many women have said "good morning." or "how are you?" just passing me in the hallways.... Everyone here is just so nice. But when you say it back with sincerity.... It's like "OMG! No one has paid me any attention today, except to scream at me or tell me to do stuff." And these were the nurses!


----------



## Nsweet

And if anyone is interested I am working really hard here just to ease anxiety and take up about an hour a day. Sometimes 2 if I have to miss a day for an appointment or something else. I'm doing pullups all the time just to make them easier. I'm up to 69 so far in sets of 3, not counting Monday's workout, and on everything from overhead beams in a gazebo to tree branches and bathroom stalls (but you have to use a towel on top or you'll slice your hand open). It's a lot of fun. Oh, and people do stop and tell me stupid things.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> Mine too! The 17th. You?


Awww Dirty Thirty!!! You'll be a grown-up


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm going to be so hungover on your birthday. Dirty Thirty!


HAHA! I didn't see this before I replied...I thought I came up with Dirty Thirty all on my own unless it's made it's way up to Canada already


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Will you believe me if I say it only gets better with time?
> Nice to finally put a face to the name brother! Wish you the best :smthumbup:





bandit.45 said:


> It gets better daddio. Pretty soon she will be a vague distant memory of a feeling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm the best I've ever been, there is only one last step and it's not in my control. But will happen when it happens.


----------



## 06Daddio08

lisab0105 said:


> Awww Dirty Thirty!!! You'll be a grown-up





lisab0105 said:


> HAHA! I didn't see this before I replied...I thought I came up with Dirty Thirty all on my own unless it's made it's way up to Canada already


This is the picture I put up for my Facebook event ... a month ago


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> And if anyone is interested I am working really hard here just to anxiety and take up about an hour a day. Sometimes 2 if I have to miss a day for an appointment or something else. I'm doing pullups all the time just to make them easier. I'm up to 69 so far in sets of 3, not counting Monday's workout, and on everything from overhead beams in a gazebo to tree branches and bathroom stalls (but you have to use a towel on top or you'll slice your hand open). It's a lot of fun. Oh, and people do stop and tell me stupid things.


Hey nsweets... glad to hear you are surviving.... im actually sick... I had 4 dates set up for 4 days... and had to cancel 3 of them...

One guy is becoming a stage 5 clinger... wants to talk on the phone hours a day I r text.... I haven't even met him yet... First time we talked he was joking about how people want to be exclusive after like 2 dates, second time we talk he said to me well i figure if it goes well will go on 2 or 3 dates then talk about being exclusive.....ummmmmm oooookkk
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I have a small miracle to report. It appears that for the first time in almost a year I have a date with someone who A, is within 5 years of my age and B, lives within 30 minutes of me.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I have a small miracle to report. It appears that for the first time in almost a year I have a date with someone who A, is within 5 years of my age and B, lives within 30 minutes of me.


That is awesome


----------



## bandit.45

Way to go Rat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Cheers to a new day and new outlook! I think the kids are getting eggs benidict for breakfast
Back to square one.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Cheers to a new day and new outlook! I think the kids are getting eggs benidict for breakfast
> Back to square one.


What do you mean back to square one?

Eggs Benedict sounds like a fine breakfast.


----------



## Another Planet

Microsoft issues Internet Explorer security fix | Detroit Free Press | freep.com


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> What do you mean back to square one?
> 
> Eggs Benedict sounds like a fine breakfast.


Not looking good for GF/BF status. I want to say the cards are in her hands but they aren't, she doesn't have the hand to keep the game going. It happens.


----------



## moxy

I'm in danger of liking Mr. New Guy based on just phone calls and photos and flirting over text. For the short term, of course, but as a potential boyfriend rather than a FWB. Our conversations are sometimes about things other than sex. It's too soon for me to have feelings, I think, because we've only been talking a couple of weeks, but I guess I'm just receptive to it at this time for some reason. I see behavior traits that I'm not sure how I feel about (moodiness, petulance when he doesn't get his way), but otherwise there's an open-ness and an easy unguarded quality to him that pulls me in. He's affectionate. He's demanding, but, nothing he's asked for has seemed out of line in context, just inconvenient; ultimately, it's like a game of what will you do for me and what will you ask me to do for you?And that previous wtf moment was a misunderstanding of sorts. He wants to get together sooner, but I'm putting it off because of a work deadline -- and, possibly also because it slows things down so that I might actually get to know him before jumping his bones. Seriously, this sort of behavior is uncharacteristic of pre-D me. I'm a hell of a lot less controlled and more impulsive these days. All of this makes me nervous. Also, I'm not sure how I will feel when I run across my hot neighbor (with whom things are now amicable) again. :/


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I'm in danger of liking Mr. New Guy based on just phone calls and photos and flirting over text. For the short term, of course, but as a potential boyfriend rather than a FWB. Our conversations are sometimes about things other than sex. It's too soon for me to have feelings, I think, because we've only been talking a couple of weeks, but I guess I'm just receptive to it at this time for some reason. I see behavior traits that I'm not sure how I feel about (moodiness, petulance when he doesn't get his way), but otherwise there's an open-ness and an easy unguarded quality to him that pulls me in. He's affectionate. He's demanding, but, nothing he's asked for has seemed out of line in context, just inconvenient; ultimately, it's like a game of what will you do for me and what will you ask me to do for you?And that previous wtf moment was a misunderstanding of sorts. He wants to get together sooner, but I'm putting it off because of a work deadline -- and, possibly also because it slows things down so that I might actually get to know him before jumping his bones. Seriously, this sort of behavior is uncharacteristic of pre-D me. I'm a hell of a lot less controlled and more impulsive these days. All of this makes me nervous. Also, I'm not sure how I will feel when I run across my hot neighbor (with whom things are now amicable) again. :/


Go on a date! Wheres the question? To many minds.


----------



## Dollystanford

moxy said:


> What I find most frustrating about dating in an era of camera phones is sexting. How the hell does one manage to take an aesthetically pleasing photo of one's own a$$?


Just a lot of practice


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> Just a lot of practice


Good advice, Dolly. 

I think I mastered a technique earlier this evening, though it took a fair bit of time to get reasonable results. I managed to elicit some seriously endearing words out of New Guy.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Go on a date! Wheres the question? To many minds.


He's not in town or rather I'm not in the same town right now, so it would be a long drive. Plus, I have a ton of work right now which hinges on a deadline. I think I might go visit next week, though, if things go well the next few days.


----------



## RandomDude

Tis Friday... hmmm... decisions decisions...
To ram or not to ram...


----------



## 06Daddio08

TGIF errbody! Down another 12lbs since Jan 1st! :smthumbup:

Only 18lbs to go!!


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> TGIF errbody! Down another 12lbs since Jan 1st! :smthumbup:
> 
> Only 18lbs to go!!


That's awesome! Congrats!!!


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Not looking good for GF/BF status. I want to say the cards are in her hands but they aren't, she doesn't have the hand to keep the game going. It happens.


Last week it was getting better and better, this week not so much?


----------



## lisab0105

RandomDude said:


> Tis Friday... hmmm... decisions decisions...
> To ram or not to ram...


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Not looking good for GF/BF status. I want to say the cards are in her hands but they aren't, she doesn't have the hand to keep the game going. It happens.


See, isn't it good the kids aren't really involved? 

Whats going on?


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Last week it was getting better and better, this week not so much?


No not at all. I think it is a high tension relationship and I don't need another one of those. I'm kind of shaking the fog away still.



vi_bride04 said:


> See, isn't it good the kids aren't really involved?
> 
> Whats going on?


I don't know if this is her character or what but the more serious it has become the more she pushes but pulls hard at the same time. I do not want to deal with that. I can deal with a lot but I can't deal with push pull.

If she is another BPD I might just hang up my penis for the rest of my life.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> Mr. Ex Jelly has been contacting me more than usual lately. He told me he was watching our wedding video and invited me over the other day.


Hey Jelly. Is this a good thing?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Mr. Ex Jelly has been contacting me more than usual lately. He told me he was watching our wedding video and invited me over the other day.


I know you are closer to your ex than most, but I don't think its a good idea to keep hanging out with him. Sounds like he wants to possibly rekindle something? Or at least maybe try for a piece 

Why did you guys divorce again?


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Why did you guys divorce again?


Because marriage.


----------



## vi_bride04

Who wanted the divorce? Did he leave? 

Just don't be a plan b


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Because marriage.


ROFLOLOLOLing


----------



## Jellybeans

I left.

Has anyone heard from Angel?


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Hey Jelly, 




....naked twister?


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah Angel is well


----------



## Jellybeans

Tell her I said HIII


----------



## jpr

Sooooo happy that today is Friday. I need a break.....from everything.

My boyfriend is officially moved in. He moved out of his apartment this week.

....and I am having an internal freak out. 

Everything has sort of just hit me. Suddenly, it has occured.to be how much of my life is entwined with his....if he left, my heart would be broken.

...and it is causing me to doubt...everything. I keep recalling how Sasquatch used to tell me he loved me ....and wanted to spend his life with me....forever.

Eight years later, Sasquatch tells me that he never loved,me..and that he was in love with someone else when we got married. He only married me because I was the "practical choice".



So, now, I am experiencing all this anxiety all of the sudden. What if my bf is just withe because his ex-fiance is now in a relationship with someone else? What if he really loves her, and I am his second.choice?....then I start to wonder "How many other girls has he said he loved and wanted to be with forever?....amI special to him?....will he eventually change his.mind and find someone better?"

Jgh. 




I am torturing myself with these thoughts.

The scars of broken promises never go away.

...I have been running from those scars for a while now. They have finally caught up with me.


----------



## jpr

Maybe I.will just have a lot of sex.this weekend to snap me out of this funk.


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> Eight years later, Sasquatch tells me that he never loved,me..and that he was in love with someone else when we got married.


UGH! That is awful.

Love is a leap of faith as you know, JPR. You seem to be pretty excited/happy about boyfriend so if he has moved in with you, I am sure you really thought about the decision first a lot before it happened, right?

It's ok to feel all over the place and question past relationships. But don't live your past in your current relationship. 

It may work out with this boyfriend and it may not. 

The point is, you never know.

But don't let not knowing squander the present.

How long have you been divorced now? How long with the boyfriend? Did he sell his home?

Sidenote: I must be slow on my journey. I cannot imagine living with someone else at all. I dig having my own space too much.


----------



## Dollystanford

He isn't Sasquatch. I mean I bet he doesn't even have a onesie!

But all of us are stronger now than we were before. You love him and have fun with him and you're a little family unit. If it didn't work out again then you could survive. You'd be hurt but you'd survive. 

But as someone wiser than me said 'what if it does work out?'


----------



## jpr

He lived in an apartment. He rented. His roommate was moving, so he had to move. He has pretty much been living with me since Thanksgiving. So, it isnt any different.

Separated since August 2011.
Divorced since December 2012.....paperwork was all signed in August 2012.

First date with bf was May 2013.

....maybe it is fast. But, I was with Sasquatch for 9 years before we got married....and look how that turned out.  ...he fell in love with somone whileI was nine,months pregnant.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Has anyone heard from Angel?



I was wondering the same thing... On another note, just received notice that one of my HS classmates died last night. He had been battling cancer for six months. He will suffer no more


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> H
> But all of us are stronger now than we were before. You love him and have fun with him and you're a little family unit. If it didn't work out again then you could survive. You'd be hurt but you'd survive.
> 
> But as someone wiser than me said 'what if it does work out?'


Great advice.

Sasquatch sounds like a dumba$$. 

So you've known him for a year which is a good amount of time of knowing. If you said like two months then I'd think, WAIT. Lol.

Wishing you all the best, JPR


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> On another note, just received notice that one of my HS classmates died last night. He had been battling cancer for six months. He will suffer no more


Sorry for your loss.  That is sad. Glad to hear he is not suffering any longer though.


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> UGH! That is awful.
> 
> Love is a leap of faith as you know, JPR. You seem to be pretty excited/happy about boyfriend so if he has moved in with you, I am sure you really thought about the decision first a lot before it happened, right?
> 
> It's ok to feel all over the place and question past relationships. But don't live your past in your current relationship.
> 
> It may work out with this boyfriend and it may not.
> 
> The point is, you never know.
> 
> But don't let not knowing squander the present.
> 
> How long have you been divorced now? How long with the boyfriend? Did he sell his home?
> 
> Sidenote: I must be slow on my journey. I cannot imagine living with someone else at all. I dig having my own space too much.


Me neither. I'm not ready for that, not sure I'll ever be


----------



## caladan

drerio said:


> I was wondering the same thing... On another note, just received notice that one of my HS classmates died last night. He had been battling cancer for six months. He will suffer no more



Sorry for your loss brother. My deep and sincere condolences.


----------



## FeministInPink

jpr: I have to agree with what both JB and Dolly have said.

I understand your trepidation. And it IS a risk. I think all of us here know that you can't ever really fully know someone, inside and out. We're all recovering from marriages, where our partner turned out not to be what we expected, and I think all of us, on some level, are afraid of that happening to us again. 

But we can't let that hold us back from taking risks in the future. Often the biggest risks offer the biggest reward. Moving in together is a risk, but it could also be the best decision you've ever made. And you'll never know unless you do it. And if it doesn't work out in the end, you will survive it. You've already survived the worst thing that you ever thought could happen to you.

Let yourself be happy right now. Don't let fear take that away from you. You deserve happiness


----------



## FeministInPink

drerio said:


> I was wondering the same thing... On another note, just received notice that one of my HS classmates died last night. He had been battling cancer for six months. He will suffer no more


I'm sorry, drerio. Were you close? Not that it matters, it's always sad when someone goes before their time.


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I'm sorry, drerio. Were you close? Not that it matters, it's always sad when someone goes before their time.



We were in a HS band together, had not seen him in years. However it brings the perspective of importance in life, Family and Friends are important. 

Malama pono (treat others right).


----------



## EnjoliWoman

drerio said:


> I was wondering the same thing... On another note, just received notice that one of my HS classmates died last night. He had been battling cancer for six months. He will suffer no more


Sorry to hear about the classmate. It's always a shock to hear about a peer dying, isn't it? Hopefully there wasn't a lot of suffering. Sometimes fast is good.

Mortality sux.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I got Syrian a $100 VS gift card. It's her birthday tomorrow.
> 
> Too forward?
> 
> Maybe I should have bought her a smoothie blender.



If you still really care , too impersonal . Keep it yourself and sneak out in the morning and get her something decent.
But if your on the way out anyway , fk it just give her the gift card


----------



## jpr

I am sorry to hear this, drerio


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Not looking good for GF/BF status. I want to say the cards are in her hands but they aren't, she doesn't have the hand to keep the game going. It happens.


Well, at least there's one good thing. l was getting soooo jealous 
Nah l'm sorry to hear that AP but eh , l get the feeling you won't be too fussed anyway .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> No not at all. I think it is a high tension relationship and I don't need another one of those. I'm kind of shaking the fog away still.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know if this is her character or what but the more serious it has become the more she pushes but pulls hard at the same time. I do not want to deal with that. I can deal with a lot but I can't deal with push pull.
> 
> 
> 
> She has seemed a bit flakey on the whole thing really, woooshy washy.


----------



## Ikaika

Thank you for kind words and thoughts

http://youtu.be/TgaMsXpQk2g


----------



## whitehawk

And one from me to Drerio , it must be a shock.


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> Sooooo happy that today is Friday. I need a break.....from everything.
> 
> My boyfriend is officially moved in. He moved out of his apartment this week.
> 
> ....and I am having an internal freak out.
> 
> Everything has sort of just hit me. Suddenly, it has occured.to be how much of my life is entwined with his....if he left, my heart would be broken.
> 
> ...and it is causing me to doubt...everything. I keep recalling how Sasquatch used to tell me he loved me ....and wanted to spend his life with me....forever.
> 
> Eight years later, Sasquatch tells me that he never loved,me..and that he was in love with someone else when we got married. He only married me because I was the "practical choice".
> 
> 
> 
> So, now, I am experiencing all this anxiety all of the sudden. What if my bf is just withe because his ex-fiance is now in a relationship with someone else? What if he really loves her, and I am his second.choice?....then I start to wonder "How many other girls has he said he loved and wanted to be with forever?....amI special to him?....will he eventually change his.mind and find someone better?"
> 
> Jgh.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am torturing myself with these thoughts.
> 
> The scars of broken promises never go away.
> 
> ...I have been running from those scars for a while now. They have finally caught up with me.


I know you have a lot of fears. Put them aside. What's the worst that can happen? He will break your heart, you have been there before. You survived.
Life is about happiness, be happy. Love each other

Congratulations!!! Yay!! New.beginnings!!!


----------



## coffee4me

drerio said:


> I was wondering the same thing... On another note, just received notice that one of my HS classmates died last night. He had been battling cancer for six months. He will suffer no more


Sorry to hear D. 

I think it sux to get older and know so many that have passed , never to see their light again. I wish I could go back to the times before 25 when I knew few that passed. 

Then I think of my kids death had touched their young lives again and again. Really is sh!tty. 

Mortality is sort of right in your face everyday when you live with a 99 year old no matter how healthy she seems .


----------



## jpr

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> He isn't Sasquatch. I mean I bet he doesn't even have a onesie!
> 
> But all of us are stronger now than we were before. You love him and have fun with him and you're a little family unit. If it didn't work out again then you could survive. You'd be hurt but you'd survive.
> 
> But as someone wiser than me said 'what if it does work out?'


Oh, but Dolly....onesies are soooo sexy. Ziiiiipppppp!






Seriously, though...great advice. (as always).


Thank you. 


What if it does work out?


....I put a note in my pocket that says, "He loves you, and wants to be with you. "....it is there to remind me when my mind spirals. 


I did something similar to get over Sasquatch. The note read "He loves someone else. He is no longer an option. "


....this note is much happier.


----------



## ne9907

JPR

Your post about having scars of broken promises made see some light.
I went to see blue eyes with the intention of never seeing him again because Iam.scared of ddeveloping any more feelings.
Your situation is very different than mine because you are in a committed and loving union, whereas blue eyes and I are just spending time together.
Ive decided to let this thing we have ride until it crashes.
He makes me happy.

He seems very impersonal and rude in texts, but very different in person. I feel safe and wanted when I am with him. He holds me all.night long, little things like that.

Who knows, maybe I will sing a diferent tune tomorrow


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> JPR
> 
> Your post about having scars of broken promises made see some light.
> I went to see blue eyes with the intention of never seeing him again because Iam.scared of ddeveloping any more feelings.
> Your situation is very different than mine because you are in a committed and loving union, whereas blue eyes and I are just spending time together.
> Ive decided to let this thing we have ride until it crashes.
> He makes me happy.
> 
> *He seems very impersonal and rude in texts, but very different in person.* I feel safe and wanted when I am with him. He holds me all.night long, little things like that.
> 
> Who knows, maybe I will sing a diferent tune tomorrow


Some people view texts as telegrams; a way to get information across, full stop. Nothing else. They don't like to have drawn out conversations via text, because they feel it's impersonal, which can come across as rude. Everyone has different communication styles. I wouldn't read too much into his texting style.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> No not at all. I think it is a high tension relationship and I don't need another one of those. I'm kind of shaking the fog away still.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know if this is her character or what but the more serious it has become the more she pushes but pulls hard at the same time. I do not want to deal with that. I can deal with a lot but I can't deal with push pull.
> 
> If she is another BPD I might just hang up my penis for the rest of my life.


Don't hang up your penis for the rest of your life. Things may get better with her. If not, there will be someone else who suits you better!


----------



## moxy

jpr said:


> Maybe I.will just have a lot of sex.this weekend to snap me out of this funk.


That's a fine plan. I encourage it. In fact, I hope to do the same next weekend.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Don't hang up your penis for the rest of your life.


:rofl:

So I should stop making funeral preparations for my vagina?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I'm in danger of liking Mr. New Guy based on just phone calls and photos and flirting over text. For the short term, of course, but as a potential boyfriend rather than a FWB. Our conversations are sometimes about things other than sex. It's too soon for me to have feelings, I think, because we've only been talking a couple of weeks, but I guess I'm just receptive to it at this time for some reason. I see behavior traits that I'm not sure how I feel about (moodiness, petulance when he doesn't get his way), but otherwise there's an open-ness and an easy unguarded quality to him that pulls me in. He's affectionate. He's demanding, but, nothing he's asked for has seemed out of line in context, just inconvenient; ultimately, it's like a game of what will you do for me and what will you ask me to do for you?And that previous wtf moment was a misunderstanding of sorts. He wants to get together sooner, but I'm putting it off because of a work deadline -- and, possibly also because it slows things down so that I might actually get to know him before jumping his bones. Seriously, this sort of behavior is uncharacteristic of pre-D me. I'm a hell of a lot less controlled and more impulsive these days. All of this makes me nervous. Also, I'm not sure how I will feel when I run across my hot neighbor (with whom things are now amicable) again. :/


At the risk of being a downer, Mox, I have a bad feeling about New Guy.  My gut is talking to me.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> So I should stop making funeral preparations for my vagina?


Resurrect her from the grave.


----------



## Dollystanford

Just blow the cobwebs off Jelly, she'll be fine


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol Dolly. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> That's a fine plan. I encourage it. In fact, I hope to do the same next weekend.


I approve of this statement.


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> Resurrect her from the grave.


Why can't it be a "he"?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

caladan said:


> Why can't it be a "he"?


:scratchhead: :scratchhead:


----------



## jpr

caladan said:


> Why can't it be a "he"?


Here is a little anatomy lesson for you, Caladan...

Boys have penises. Girls have vaginas.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Don't hang up your penis for the rest of your life. Things may get better with her. If not, there will be someone else who suits you better!


No if she is a borderline personality disorder person I'm going to hang it up. If the only women that get me going are ones with major personality disorders I am done.....who am I kidding! I probably won't quit until one of them kills me


----------



## caladan

jpr said:


> Here is a little anatomy lesson for you, Caladan...
> 
> Boys have penises. Girls have vaginas.


Dearest JPR.

For your explanation to make scientific sense, then you'd be explaining what makes a vagina female. It necessarily doesn't follow that the organ must inherit the gender of it's bearer.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

caladan said:


> Dearest JPR.
> 
> For your explanation to make scientific sense, then you'd be explaining what makes a vagina female. It necessarily doesn't follow that the organ must inherit the gender of it's bearer.


Trying to picture dirty talk while all hot and bothered, referring to my lady parts as "Steve"! :rofl: "Oh baby, Steve is sooooo wet for you!"


----------



## Dollystanford

Or imagine a man referring to his dong as 'Emily'


----------



## caladan

3Xnocharm said:


> Trying to picture dirty talk while all hot and bothered, referring to my lady parts as "Steve"! :rofl: "Oh baby, Steve is sooooo wet for you!"


Heh.

In truth it was merely a rhetorical question, asked more to elicit laughter and humor, than an actual answer.

Some of you lot really need to (get laid) relax


----------



## Another Planet

caladan said:


> Heh.
> 
> In truth it was merely a rhetorical question, asked more to elicit laughter and humor, than an actual answer.
> 
> Some of you lot really need to (get laid) relax


Tell me about, I have been so cranky today :/


----------



## caladan

Dollystanford said:


> Or imagine a man referring to his dong as 'Emily'


I refer to my wang as Brittney.

And yes, I did once, in the middle of a rather bone-jarring umm.. felatio (is that term allowed here?) session, ask the offending partner, in quite a quivery, weepy voice, to "Leave Brittney alone!!"


----------



## Another Planet

:lol::rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Side note - did you guys watch Pitch Perfect? One of the characters calls her lady bits "he".


----------



## caladan

Test


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> So I should stop making funeral preparations for my vagina?


Correct. Find someone skilled in mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Sorry, was that too crude?  Really, though, in general, go find a dude you wanna bang!


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Side note - did you guys watch Pitch Perfect? One of the characters calls her lady bits "he".
> 
> http://media.giphy.com/media/kYWSRR6l7phQs/giphy.gif
> 
> ETA - I give up. How do you make an animated .gif play on here?


I forgot about that part! I might have to download/watch that movie tonight.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> No if she is a borderline personality disorder person I'm going to hang it up. If the only women that get me going are ones with major personality disorders I am done.....who am I kidding! I probably won't quit until one of them kills me


Naa, you just need to get better at spotting red flags.

How many were telling you to watch out for bleacher ?

So don't hang it up, just get better at ditching the ones with red flags.


----------



## Ikaika

Technically, we were all hermaphrodites at one time, post fertilization. A few of our parts are from the same stock of tissue, homology - penis and clitoris; labia majora and scrotum; testes and ovaries however most of the internal plumbing is unique in embryological origin. So if one wanted to name things you really need to use unisex terms for some parts and be gender specific for others 

Unisex name: Pat = Patrick or Patricia


----------



## unsure78

Yep what VI said Another... thats what we work on getting rid of the red flag ones quicker... like my stage 5... hes got to go... tooooo clingy havent even met yet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> At the risk of being a downer, Mox, I have a bad feeling about New Guy.  My gut is talking to me.


I have a bad feeling about it, too. I seriously doubt that something so intense has any lasting potential. However, I really want his body, unequivocally and almost desperately. He's so damn hot that I really feel like I can't breathe sometimes when we're talking (or when I look at him). And the things he says...I realize I'm risking heartbreak, but...I wanna play. I know it's not emotionally safe, but my long-repressed impulsivity is making some un-ignorable noise. Perhaps that's why I'm drawing out the getting together ( but, also, work is intense and full of imminent deadlines, so that's a big factor). 

What's your gut saying? I'd like to hear more.


----------



## caladan

drerio said:


> Technically, we were all hermaphrodites at one time, post fertilization. A few of our parts are from the same stock of tissue, homology - penis and clitoris; labia majora and scrotum; testes and ovaries however most of the internal plumbing is unique in embryological origin. So if one wanted to name things you really need to use unisex terms for some parts and be gender specific for others
> 
> Unisex name: Pat = Patrick or Patricia


Funny fact - I already went on a self-righteous, "I know the bloody biology" rant. Then I remembered that you were on this thread and umm... biologically inclined, so I changed my post to something more humorous.


----------



## unsure78

What happened exactly Another?


You two are the only biologyish peoples here you know...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> Dearest JPR.
> 
> For your explanation to make scientific sense, then you'd be explaining what makes a vagina female. It necessarily doesn't follow that the organ must inherit the gender of it's bearer.


I LOVE the lack of heteronormativity here!! I wanna "hey baby" that statement!


----------



## Another Planet

ROFL Nsweet made me think of you buddy :rofl:


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> No if she is a borderline personality disorder person I'm going to hang it up. If the only women that get me going are ones with major personality disorders I am done.....who am I kidding! I probably won't quit until one of them kills me


Oooh. I know right? The straight and narrow types bore me to death. I almost always opt for the dark, twisted, tortured partners. From time to time they put my emotions through the meatgrinder, but when things are great, they're mind-blowingly awesome.

I wouldn't have it any other way.


----------



## FeministInPink

drerio said:


> Technically, we were all hermaphrodites at one time, post fertilization. A few of our parts are from the same stock of tissue, homology - penis and clitoris; labia majora and scrotum; testes and ovaries however most of the internal plumbing is unique in embryological origin. So if one wanted to name things you really need to use unisex terms for some parts and be gender specific for others
> 
> Unisex name: Pat = Patrick or Patricia


See, now that just makes me think of Pat from SNL. Total mood killer right there.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> What happened exactly Another?
> 
> 
> You two are the only biologyish peoples here you know...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have no idea what "biologyish" means and apparently neither does the internet lol

It's kind of cumulative. 
It actually started 2 nights ago. I was already kind of like irritated because I was feeling lonely in life, and then it gets late and we message back and forth and it is getting frisky and fun then___________she just disappears right in the middle...I figured she fell asleep but no about 2hrs later she messages me says she is busy facetiming so message her yahoo :/ wtf. OK I do and get minimal response so I am just like whatever and tell her I am going to bed.
So the next day honestly I am a little peeved at her for starting up and then totally ditching me and she must have sensed it cause shes finally like "ok whats wrong?"...I just told her that I would talk to her later...and I did, literally within the first sentence she mentions her exBF and I tell her that I don't want to hear about her exBF and then she goes all "you're jealous" blah blah and it just snowballs from there...I am like one of the least jealous people you can meet, I just didn't feel like hearing about her exBF...honestly whyTF would I anyway :/

There's more I just don't feel like getting into it all


----------



## Dollystanford

Sorry to be blunt AP - ditch her


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## Another Planet

Oh the facetiming the night before and the mentioning exBF have no correlation at all just to clear that up. She just had a 27yr old sister all of a sudden appear in her life that she didn't know about so they facetime and I have even talked to her.
I don't know why she even was bringing up her exBF because I stopped her before it went further...I think it's a defense mechanism to push my buttons if she knows I am already not happy with her.


----------



## vi_bride04

AP - you're initial feeling about you being the OM might be right.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dolly - that is the hottest guy I have seen in my life. Why must you tease all the horny ladies like that?


----------



## unsure78

Its not a real word, I made it up... drererio and caladan were talking about developmental biology so I said biology-ish...

Hmmm sounds like drama city Another...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian was over the moon about the VS card and the dozen roses I got her for her birthday. 

She wants me to go with her to pick out something tomorrow. 

I'm not a fan of frilly, lacy garters and hose and things like that. I like those silky things that look like tank tops but longer and hang off the shoulders with spaghetti straps. I don't know what they are called. 

I'd like her to pick out something she can use or sleep in even when she's not with me. 

Or do I just keep my piehole shut?


----------



## moxy

AP "biologyish" = "biology-ish" as in "somewhat related to something within the sphere of the field of biology"'. The "-ish" functions as a slang suffix. 

I think your gf's behavior was inconsiderate. I think you might give her a chance to respond to it, for your own sake, though, before just cutting her loose out of disappointment. You were feeling really sad and disconnected, and in your longing for emotional connection, you reached out to her for solace and comfort in the form of flirty conversation; instead of seeing it through and remaining in that moment, she abandoned you to your feeling when she got distracted by something else. You were upset, but you didn't explain why you felt neglected, abandoned, and insulted (rightfully so) when she asked and she floundered with her flighty response. You were already bothered by her allowing outside factors to get in the way of your connection and felt that it was compounded when she brought up her ex. Because she did not understand that you were upset about her behavior and its connection to your feelings, she incorrectly designated your response as "jealousy".

1) either you two are not communicating about what you both need, or, she is ignoring your needs in favor of her own and at the expense of yours (taking you got granted)
2) her distract-able demeanor and her behavior during this intimacy is immature, at best, and dismissive, at worst; it was inconsiderate enough to conclude that either she isn't valuing the moment or understanding what it means for you (clueless about the issue) or that she is behaving like a bit of a jerk (ignoring the value of prioritizing your intimacy)
3) you have emotional needs that you want her to help you meet; you must express this wish and desire, if you expect a positive outcome because she is clearly not getting the subtle hints; if she is unwilling or unable to meet those needs and if those needs are also important to you, then you would be better off with a more compatible partner; you should give her the chance to meet those needs before kicking her to the curb, if you like her well enough to hope for something more substantial than what you have together right now
4) the disconnect between you two has to do with emotional intimacy; if she is seeing other people, that will be a problem; if she's pushing you away because of other factors, then talking now might clear the air; it's time to figure out whether you want to deepen or sever the connection


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> AP - you're initial feeling about you being the OM might be right.


It is possible that she is seeing someone else. It might explain her lack of attentiveness. There might, however, be other reasons why she is behaving this way.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian was over the moon about the VS card and the dozen roses I got her for her birthday.
> 
> She wants me to go with her to pick out something tomorrow.
> 
> I'm not a fan of frilly, lacy garters and hose and things like that. I like those silky things that look like tank tops but longer and hang off the shoulders with spaghetti straps. I don't know what they are called.
> 
> I'd like her to pick out something she can use or sleep in even when she's not with me.
> 
> Or do I just keep my piehole shut?


My ex always called them nighties?! 
I agree hot as FCK


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> AP "biologyish" = "biology-ish" as in "somewhat related to something within the sphere of the field of biology"'. The "-ish" functions as a slang suffix.
> 
> I think your gf's behavior was inconsiderate. I think you might give her a chance to respond to it, for your own sake, though, before just cutting her loose out of disappointment. You were feeling really sad and disconnected, and in your longing for emotional connection, you reached out to her for solace and comfort in the form of flirty conversation; instead of seeing it through and remaining in that moment, she abandoned you to your feeling when she got distracted by something else. You were upset, but you didn't explain why you felt neglected, abandoned, and insulted (rightfully so) when she asked and she floundered with her flighty response. You were already bothered by her allowing outside factors to get in the way of your connection and felt that it was compounded when she brought up her ex. Because she did not understand that you were upset about her behavior and its connection to your feelings, she incorrectly designated your response as "jealousy".
> 
> 1) either you two are not communicating about what you both need, or, she is ignoring your needs in favor of her own and at the expense of yours (taking you got granted)
> 2) her distract-able demeanor and her behavior during this intimacy is immature, at best, and dismissive, at worst; it was inconsiderate enough to conclude that either she isn't valuing the moment or understanding what it means for you (clueless about the issue) or that she is behaving like a bit of a jerk (ignoring the value of prioritizing your intimacy)
> 3) you have emotional needs that you want her to help you meet; you must express this wish and desire, if you expect a positive outcome because she is clearly not getting the subtle hints; if she is unwilling or unable to meet those needs and if those needs are also important to you, then you would be better off with a more compatible partner; you should give her the chance to meet those needs before kicking her to the curb, if you like her well enough to hope for something more substantial than what you have together right now
> 4) the disconnect between you two has to do with emotional intimacy; if she is seeing other people, that will be a problem; if she's pushing you away because of other factors, then talking now might clear the air; it's time to figure out whether you want to deepen or sever the connection


Wow. Profound.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian was over the moon about the VS card and the dozen roses I got her for her birthday.
> 
> She wants me to go with her to pick out something tomorrow.
> 
> I'm not a fan of frilly, lacy garters and hose and things like that. I like those silky things that look like tank tops but longer and hang off the shoulders with spaghetti straps. I don't know what they are called.
> 
> I'd like her to pick out something she can use or sleep in even when she's not with me.
> 
> Or do I just keep my piehole shut?


If she wants you to go with her to buy something, then she wants you to pick something you'll go gaga over when you see it on her. Pick something that she likes and that you can be enthusiastic about appreciating. And when she wears it, spend plenty of time complimenting her body and all the ways the outfit accentuates her hotness. Think of this particular gift of lingerie not as a practical item that she can enjoy on her own (if that mattered, she'd not have invited you along for the shared experience, just picked something and worn it for you later), but as an opportunity to compliment and adore her (inviting you to choose something means that she wants to please you but also feel like she is driving you wild; it's foreplay). When she asks for your opinion, choose the thing that would drive you wild if you saw it on her (and, if it highlights any insecurities she might have about her body, you now have a chance to assuage those away with touch and romantic word).

By the way, your current scenario is seriously hot.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> It is possible that she is seeing someone else. It might explain her lack of attentiveness. There might, however, be other reasons why she is behaving this way.


We literally spent from Friday night to Wednesday morning together with only work and some odds and ends in the way. No signs the whole time, she was into me the entire time. 
I do know the illegitimate sister popping up has put some mental stress on her oh and one of her twins was just diagnosed as autistic and needs to go to special education kindergarten next year. Just life stuff, I understand that's why i am still around.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> If she wants you to go with her to buy something, then she wants you to pick something you'll go gaga over in her. Pick something that she likes and that you can be enthusiastic about appreciating. And when she wears it, spend plenty of time complimenting her body and all the ways the outfit accentuates her hotness. Think of this particular gift of lingerie not as a practical item that she can enjoy on her own (if that mattered, she'd not have invited you along for the shared experience, just picked something and worn it for you later), but as an opportunity to compliment and adore her (inviting you to choose something means that she wants to please you but also feel like she is driving you wild; it's foreplay). When she asks for your opinion, choose the thing that would drive you wild if you saw it on her (and, if it highlights any insecurities she might have about her body, you now have a chance to assuage those away with touch and romantic word).
> 
> By the way, your current scenario is seriously hot.


You're getting me a little riled up Moxy....


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> We literally spent from Friday night to Wednesday morning together with only work and some odds and ends in the way. No signs the whole time, she was into me the entire time.
> I do know the illegitimate sister popping up has put some mental stress on her oh and one of her twins was just diagnosed as autistic and needs to go to special education kindergarten next year. Just life stuff, I understand that's why i am still around.


Dude, back off. Stop texting and trying to contact her for a while. 

Giver her some space. If she doesn't want to talk then she doesn't want to talk. 

Women go through moods and issues like Madonna goes through wardrobe changes. Doesn't mean she's got another guy on the side. Like you say ..... it may be that she is having problems with her family. It could be a million other possibilities. 

You know the signs of cheating. You've been around here long enough. Be on the lookout for them, but don't let the search consume you.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian was over the moon about the VS card and the dozen roses I got her for her birthday.
> 
> She wants me to go with her to pick out something tomorrow.
> 
> I'm not a fan of frilly, lacy garters and hose and things like that. I like those silky things that look like tank tops but longer and hang off the shoulders with spaghetti straps. I don't know what they are called.
> 
> I'd like her to pick out something she can use or sleep in even when she's not with me.
> 
> Or do I just keep my piehole shut?


The word you are looking for is "chemise" - the silky thing that looks like a tank top is called a chemise.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Dude, back off. Stop texting and trying to contact her for a while.
> 
> Giver her some space. If she doesn't want to talk then she doesn't want to talk.
> 
> Women go through moods and issues like Madonna goes through wardrobe changes. Doesn't mean she's got another guy on the side. Like you say ..... it may be that she is having problems with her family. It could be a million other possibilities.
> 
> You know the signs of cheating. You've been around here long enough. Be on the lookout for them, but don't let the search consume you.


LOL trust me I know. No we are both kind of clingy and needy, that is how she knew something was wrong because I probably texted her twice yesterday during the day compared to the umpteenmillion we usually do...and she texts me twice as much as I do her.
We actually do the space thing VERY well. We can literally say I need to do this for this long and that's it, her or I are just like OK get a hold of me later.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> I do know the illegitimate sister popping up has put some mental stress on her oh and one of her twins was just diagnosed as autistic and needs to go to special education kindergarten next year. Just life stuff, I understand that's why i am still around.


This is a very important bit of information. She just found out her kids are autistic? Family and biology are probably on her mind and she may need comfort for that worry which you can't or aren't currently providing. She just discovered a new sister? That's a fragile, currently-forming new bond; it's far less stable than the intimacy if your bond with her (because she's unaware that your desires have deepened). If the sister called her on FaceTime in that moment, she may have thoughtlessly and inconsiderately just accepted the call to deal with the less stable thing first, especially if the autism and family concern is weighing on her mind; maybe that gave her the comfort she needed in that moment. Still, she should've said, "Hey, AP, something came up with my sis; can we pause our sexy time and resume later?" instead if behaving like you could mind read it. Like you, she may have other thoughts on her mind. If you talk to her about your feelings, maybe she will be considerate about them and maybe she will open up to you, too; if she dismisses the issue, then it might be time to create some protective space between the two of you, for the sake of your emotional well-being. You don't have to be reactionary.

The ex-bf talk may be an attempt to push buttons, but more likely, it's a symptom of her misunderstanding about what you rep are disconnecting on; she's missing part of the puzzle and you can fill it in by communicating rather than reacting.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> You're getting me a little riled up Moxy....


That's always a good thing!

Join the club. New guy has been sexting me all morning and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind if I don't take care of things or go visit him very soon. But, oh so many dratted deadlines right now!!


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> The word you are looking for is "chemise" - the silky thing that looks like a tank top is called a chemise.


Thank you.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> That's always a good thing!
> 
> Join the club. New guy has been sexting me all morning and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind if I don't take care of things or go visit him very soon. But, oh so many dratted deadlines right now!!


I know deadlines. I'll be working tomorrow morning to get profit projections done for Monday. 

You need to drop by his place tonight and drag him in the bedroom. Just lay it on him...


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I know deadlines. I'll be working tomorrow morning to get profit projections done for Monday.
> 
> You need to drop by his place tonight and drag him in the bedroom. Just lay it on him...


He lives two hours away. And, my deadlines this week are insane. It may have to be another week. However, I'm getting pretty good at the photos he likes and he's got the kind of voice (and body) and command over the dynamic between us that makes me so glad for phones and for a lack of inhibition with words. 

My incredible lust for New Guy has totally eclipsed my distracting desire for Hot Neighbor. I felt this kind of lust for ex-h; now, it's amplified by this recent casting off of my previously repressive choice to be a "good girl". The intensity of my feelings makes me nervous.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> He lives two hours away. And, my deadlines this week are insane. It may have to be another week.
> 
> My incredible lust for New Guy has totally eclipsed my distracting desire for Hot Neighbor.


Oh, that blows...

Have some Skype sex with him tonight....


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nothing like being sick the day before an event you've been waiting for ..


----------



## moxy

Bandit, that's the plan. However, suffering through the next 3 hours before I get home is going to be a heck of a challenge.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Nothing like being sick the day before an event you've been waiting for ..


Echinacea and Vitamins?

I hope you feel better soon and that you're still able to enjoy your event.


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> Nothing like being sick the day before an event you've been waiting for ..


Vitamin C .... take a ton of it and hit the sack early....


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, that's the plan. However, suffering through the next 3 hours before I get home is going to be a heck of a challenge.


That's hot. 

As for the next three hours, you'll survive. Just don't be trying to relieve the tension on the drive home. You could wreck doing that. 

Syrian wants to have Facetime sex with me while I'm in Colorado.... but I'm too bashful.


----------



## ne9907

It has ended with blue eyes. I feel glee, happy, wiser, better, and I am relieved that he was honest.

I am out of town for the weekend. I sent him an innocent text this morning with "Ok, I am going to miss you"
His response was "uh oh"
To which I said, "yeah, not good"
then he pretty much ended it, saying he doesnt do feelings or emotions, and it was better to end it before feelings and emotions got involved.
I said "yep, totally agree"

That was it! I learning so much actually, it was a great learning experience! I am shallow, I never actually wanted a long term relationship with him, and it feels great admitting the truth to myself. I am not going to lie, i will miss the attention and maybe the sex, but I will not miss developing feelings for someone I did not fully want.
Not sure if you all understand, but this is all brand new to me!!


----------



## bandit.45

Good job ending it like that. I have a hard time doing that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> That's hot.
> 
> As for the next three hours, you'll survive. Just don't be trying to relieve the tension on the drive home. You could wreck doing that.
> 
> Syrian wants to have Facetime sex with me while I'm in Colorado.... but I'm too bashful.


Then do phone sex instead, no camera to worry about. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Correct. Find someone skilled in mouth to mouth resuscitation.
> 
> Sorry, was that too crude?


No, that's not too crude. In fact, that's the only kind of guy I deal with. If he does not resuscitate, I am not interested.



moxy said:


> Really, though, in general, go find a dude you wanna bang!


This is harder than it seems. The only guy in recent time I did want to sleep with disappeared after our last date. I was really disappointed and in some ways still miffed because I felt a genuine spark with him. That is a rarity for me.

I wish I could just do random sex. Why can't I just do casual sex like most people? Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. This actually really irritates me.



unsure78 said:


> Yep what VI said Another... thats what we work on getting rid of the red flag ones quicker... like my stage 5... hes got to go... tooooo clingy havent even met yet


Dear God. What happened? You only started talking to him right?



Another Planet said:


> I don't know why she even was bringing up her exBF because I stopped her before it went further...I think it's a defense mechanism to push my buttons if she knows I am already not happy with her.


Isn't she always bringing up the ex boyfriend? hasn't that been her thing the entire time? She will randomly start talking about him and bring him up? I would find that hella annoying. "Ain't nobody wanna talk about your exes," I'd say.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> To which I said, "yeah, not good"
> then he pretty much ended it, saying he doesnt do feelings or emotions, and it was better to end it before feelings and emotions got involved.
> I said "yep, totally agree"
> 
> That was it!


Good for you! Clean ending and you didn't go clingy on him. You are learning and growing. It's better to end it now especially if you aren't super into him instead of just staying in it and going through the motions because maybe he likes you or something, you know? You have to really evaluate what you also want and if he's not it, then cut strings. Proud of you, Ne!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> loI wish I could just do random sex. Why can't I just do casual sex like most people? Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. This actually really irritates me .


There is nothing wrong with you Jelly
I began to have feelings for someone who does not.have everything I want, because I began to have sex with him.

I now know what I want
I want a relationship, I want feelings, I want love, I want a cowboy, I want love, I want a good lover with at least an average size ****. 

That's it for now


----------



## muskrat

Is it me on has been a slow day in singles land? I know it's Friday, but I can't be the only one not out on the town.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Isn't she always bringing up the ex boyfriend? hasn't that been her thing the entire time? She will randomly start talking about him and bring him up? I would find that hella annoying. "Ain't nobody wanna talk about your exes," I'd say.


Unfortunately yes. Honestly I would not mind if it wasn't for the timing of when she does it.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> That's hot.
> 
> 
> Syrian wants to have Facetime sex with me while I'm in Colorado.... but I'm too bashful.


She has already seen you naked in person. There is no more need to be bashful.
When in doubt whip it out! :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Is it me on has been a slow day in singles land? I know it's Friday, but I can't be the only one not out on the town.


You are not alone. I am at home, drinking a glass of red wine and listening to Moby.

It has been a little quiet around these parts today.

AP-Tell her you do not want to hear about her ex. Seriously, say something.


----------



## muskrat

We really are kindred spirits JB. One day one of us will find someone to either resuscitate/ resuscitate you. :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Is it me on has been a slow day in singles land? I know it's Friday, but I can't be the only one not out on the town.


I had an exciting night of going to get starbucks, pick up a pizza and getting some really great craft beer. 

I should have went grocery shopping so I didn't buy a pizza and beer...oh well

Texting with disc golf, watching tv, doing dishes...wooo 

Mmmmm beer


----------



## Ikaika

muskrat said:


> Is it me on has been a slow day in singles land? I know it's Friday, but I can't be the only one not out on the town.


BNO, well not really. My wife is at a professional meeting tonight so I am taking my sons out to dinner after I workout. 

Going to Zia's Caffe, local eatery that specializes in southern Italian cuisine. my sons are looking forward most of all to eating their famous tiger brownie:


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> Is it me on has been a slow day in singles land? I know it's Friday, but I can't be the only one not out on the town.


I can't do anything tonight. I did bench press, backsquat, hanging snatch, power snatch, and dead lifts for strength lifts. Followed that up with 54 pullups, 54 sit ups, 54 thrusters.....then flipped a 450 lb tire 50 times. I can't move. Thank you God for advil.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> You are not alone. I am at home, drinking a glass of red wine and listening to Moby.
> 
> It has been a little quiet around these parts today.
> 
> AP-Tell her you do not want to hear about her ex. Seriously, say something.


I did, so now she thinks I have some jealously thing. Whatever I don't think it is out of line, actually I think it is pretty disrespectful to talk a lot about exes. We talk about our divorces together but that is different.


----------



## muskrat

Dedicated2Her said:


> I can't do anything tonight. I did bench press, backsquat, hanging snatch, power snatch, and dead lifts for strength lifts. Followed that up with 54 pullups, 54 sit ups, 54 thrusters.....then flipped a 450 lb tire 50 times. I can't move. Thank you God for advil.


Dang man, that sounds to much like work. I never got into the gym thing. My workouts consist of throwing hay bales and wrestling steers. I also play in a couple softball leagues. Played a double header last night, first games of the year. I needed some advil after that.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian wants to have Facetime sex with me while I'm in Colorado.... but I'm too bashful.


I just did that. So awkward. Not a fan. I prefer the real thing because then I'm not worried about all my physical flaws. New Guy seemed to like it, but I'm going to feel self-conscious for days. I think I'm headed to the gym, now. :/


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> I did, so now she thinks I have some jealously thing. Whatever I don't think it is out of line, actually I think it is pretty disrespectful to talk a lot about exes. We talk about our divorces together but that is different.


It is disrespectful. Especially if the ex she is talking about is not the father of her children.


----------



## SoVeryLost

muskrat said:


> Is it me on has been a slow day in singles land? I know it's Friday, but I can't be the only one not out on the town.


I'm at home conditioning my hair. I have mayo, coconut oil, and avocado doused on top of my head. Up said it sounds like I'm making a sandwich...I even smell like a sandwich at the moment. No wonder I'm single and home on a Friday night.


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> I can't do anything tonight. I did bench press, backsquat, hanging snatch, power snatch, and dead lifts for strength lifts. Followed that up with 54 pullups, 54 sit ups, 54 thrusters.....then flipped a 450 lb tire 50 times. I can't move. Thank you God for advil.


Do you do weighted situps? Or just concentrate on each rep?
I do 200-400reps of different types, my favorite is the combined bicycle knee touch. I do about 200 in a set then I usually do sets of SLOOOOOW concentrated reps of whatever like leg lifts or knee raises. Abs are fast twitch and can be worked out every day and really fast also.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> She has already seen you naked in person. There is no more need to be bashful.
> When in doubt whip it out! :rofl:


Yes, if you've already hooked up in person, then webcam isn't a big deal. If it's in reverse order, it's less awesome.


----------



## muskrat

SoVeryLost said:


> I'm at home conditioning my hair. I have mayo, coconut oil, and avocado doused on top of my head. Up said it sounds like I'm making a sandwich...I even smell like a sandwich at the moment. No wonder I'm single and home on a Friday night.


Are you saying you are edible?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> Do you do weighted situps? Or just concentrate on each rep?
> I do 200-400reps of different types, my favorite is the combined bicycle knee touch. I do about 200 in a set then I usually do sets of SLOOOOOW concentrated reps of whatever like leg lifts or knee raises. Abs are fast twitch and can be worked out every day and really fast also.


Well, if you count the warm up I did about 50 bicycle knee touches, 30 v ups and some other stuff. It's crossfit. So it is high intensity. I did the 54 rep workout in 7 minutes 22 seconds and the tire flips in 6 minutes 51 seconds.

I mean, heck, I also rowed 1k meters and some other stuff before I started the heavy weightlifting.


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well, if you count the warm up I did about 50 bicycle knee touches, 30 v ups and some other stuff. It's crossfit. So it is high intensity. I did the 54 rep workout in 7 minutes 22 seconds and the tire flips in 6 minutes 51 seconds.


Damn I can workout like a mad man but that might be a lot in under 15 minutes for me!


----------



## Another Planet

I think the singles of TAM are...


----------



## Another Planet

Hmm I have forgotten what it is like to not be the OM or be cheated on, that is kind of disturbing to me :/
Actually what is more disturbing is I am at the whatever point...no one should be here EVER!


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Hmm I have forgotten what it is like to not be the OM or be cheated on, that is kind of disturbing to me :/
> Actually what is more disturbing is I am at the whatever point...no one should be here EVER!



Things will get better, AP. You're recognizing the things you need and noticing what doesn't fit, reconciling that shift takes time.


----------



## unsure78

Ive been sick since wed... so not a lot of posting and all dates have been canceled. .. hope someone is having a good time this weekend
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Ive been sick since wed... so not a lot of posting and all dates have been canceled. .. hope someone is having a good time this weekend
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Feel better soon, unsure.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Things will get better, AP. You're recognizing the things you need and noticing what doesn't fit, reconciling that shift takes time.


Yeah I know. I meant it more like that I wouldn't know what to even do in a normal relationship. 
Honestly, I have not been in a serious relationship where I was actually the one and only :scratchhead:
...I just kind of realized that or maybe just admitted it to myself I guess.

Going backwards in time...
Current GF- I was OM
ExGF- I was OM at least 3 times in our whirlwind of off and on. The last time I was sleeping with her in her house while he was still living there...christ I am such a **** :/
Marriage- Her affair was so long and she was so in to it I don't even know, it was an EA long before. Plus the whole relationship started while she was fckn my best friend
My oldest sons mother- That was so long ago I can barely remember but it ended because she started fckn this desert storm vet she met at a club and moved in with him

There's another semi serious GF in there but I knew it wasn't lasting so how do you consider that serious? Plus she does porn now so ehh


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Hmm I have forgotten what it is like to not be the OM or be cheated on, that is kind of disturbing to me :/
> Actually what is more disturbing is I am at the whatever point...no one should be here EVER!


The feeling will pass.
Never stop dreaming!!


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Ive been sick since wed... so not a lot of posting and all dates have been canceled. .. hope someone is having a good time this weekend
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope you feel better real soon.

I have my once yearly date/meet at 6 tonight. This woman seems to fit what I'm looking for, but something seems off. Maybe she is just a cautious person and prefers to actually meet in person before getting too invested.:scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I know. I meant it more like that I wouldn't know what to even do in a normal relationship.
> Honestly, I have not been in a serious relationship where I was actually the one and only :scratchhead:
> ...I just kind of realized that or maybe just admitted it to myself I guess.
> 
> Going backwards in time...
> Current GF- I was OM
> ExGF- I was OM at least 3 times in our whirlwind of off and on. The last time I was sleeping with her in her house while he was still living there...christ I am such a **** :/
> Marriage- Her affair was so long and she was so in to it I don't even know, it was an EA long before. Plus the whole relationship started while she was fckn my best friend
> My oldest sons mother- That was so long ago I can barely remember but it ended because she started fckn this desert storm vet she met at a club and moved in with him
> 
> There's another semi serious GF in there but I knew it wasn't lasting so how do you consider that serious? Plus she does porn now so ehh


Good God.....
And I am like, I live in my own snow.globe where the chaos is caused by me.

Maybe you move too fast AP, a good friend gave me and advise that Iiintend to follow, she said:
Do not become physical with a man until you get to know if he has the attributes you want.
But we are all different.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I know. I meant it more like that I wouldn't know what to even do in a normal relationship.
> Honestly, I have not been in a serious relationship where I was actually the one and only :scratchhead:
> ...I just kind of realized that or maybe just admitted it to myself I guess.
> 
> Going backwards in time...
> Current GF- I was OM
> ExGF- I was OM at least 3 times in our whirlwind of off and on. The last time I was sleeping with her in her house while he was still living there...christ I am such a **** :/
> Marriage- Her affair was so long and she was so in to it I don't even know, it was an EA long before. Plus the whole relationship started while she was fckn my best friend
> My oldest sons mother- That was so long ago I can barely remember but it ended because she started fckn this desert storm vet she met at a club and moved in with him
> 
> There's another semi serious GF in there but I knew it wasn't lasting so how do you consider that serious? Plus she does porn now so ehh


Dang AP! You seem like one heck of a great guy, but you need to find a way to find woman that are actually single and available.


----------



## Another Planet

I think they are when I meet them. 
Then I just get sucked in and figure out the rest later when it's to late...
Well I guess minus the married women, I obviously knew they were with someone. Those were not physical though, well for the most part, well no sex anyway.
A couple weeks ago I was reflecting and I realized that I had been involved in 5 different affairs in less then 365 days


----------



## muskrat

If she was banging your friend when you started dating her....she was not single. If you are sleeping with her while her bf sleeps on the couch....she was not single!

I understand that no matter how hard we try we could get tricked into a love triangle. But in these 2 instances you absolutely knew that they were not completely available.
I know some people feel the need to have someone new before they will leave their current relationship. AVOID those people. Find someone who has her love life in order.
If you live your life with questionable morals, you can not expect to find someone with impeccable morals. We attract the kind of people we are. If you want a higher class partner, you must first start living your life the way you expect your partner to live theirs.

I'm not trying to be mean to you AP. You obviously have had some bad luck and made some poor choices when choosing a partner. But you have also knowingly put yourself in that situation a few times.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I think they are when I meet them.
> Then I just get sucked in and figure out the rest later when it's to later...
> Well I guess minus the married women, I obviously knew they were with someone. Those were not physical though, well for the most part, well no sex anyway.
> A couple weeks ago I was reflecting and I realized that I had been involved in 5 different affairs in less then 365 days


So.... you turn them crazy??

From my experience, if I am super into a man (and I feel he is not) I become obsessive. I begin pushing and pulling, testing everything! In essence I turn crazy.
Could it be that they are super into you and feel you are not reciprocating their feelings?


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> If she was banging your friend when you started dating her....she was not single. If you are sleeping with her while her bf sleeps on the couch....she was not single!
> 
> I understand that no matter how hard we try we could get tricked into a love triangle. But in these 2 instances you absolutely knew that they were not completely available.
> I know some people feel the need to have someone new before they will leave their current relationship. AVOID those people. Find someone who has her love life in order.
> If you live your life with questionable morals, you can not expect to find someone with impeccable morals. We attract the kind of people we are. If you want a higher class partner, you must first start living your life the way you expect your partner to live theirs.
> 
> I'm not trying to be mean to you AP. You obviously have had some bad luck and made some poor choices when choosing a partner. But you have also knowingly put yourself in that situation a few times.


Wise, you are.
The force is strong with this one


----------



## 06Daddio08

Okay peoples! My son wants bbq ribs for his birthday (I've only ever done them in the oven), anyone have a good recipe they can pm me? Or some tips / techniques.

Spanks!


----------



## Another Planet

I know, I am not making excuses for myself. Trust me I know. It's why I almost called off all dating for myself. I wanted the chance at something real for myself finally, I was tired of not being important enough to someone to be their one.
I am reformed. 

Can you believe that I have never cheated?! I have always been completely faithful.

Ne that's actually not very funny...the me turn them crazy thing.
That is one of my exwifes favorite lines..."Look at you, everyone always cheats on you? What's wrong with you?! I never would have cheated on you if (fill in the blank)..."


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Okay peoples! My son wants bbq ribs for his birthday (I've only ever done them in the oven), anyone have a good recipe they can pm me? Or some tips / techniques.
> 
> Spanks!


Spice rub! Wrap in tinfoil low and slow for 3-4hrs then move to the grill to tighten the meat back up and give that bite back to the texture then sauce them up! Probably 4-5hrs total prep/cook time


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I know, I am not making excuses for myself. Trust me I know. It's why I almost called off all dating for myself. I wanted the chance at something real for myself finally, I was tired of not being important enough to someone to be their one.
> I am reformed.
> 
> Can you believe that I have never cheated?! I have always been completely faithful.
> 
> Ne that's actually not very funny...the me turn them crazy thing.
> That is one of my exwifes favorite lines..."Look at you, everyone always cheats on you? What's wrong with you?! I never would have cheated on you if (fill in the blank)..."


It wasnt meant to be funny. You, as an individual, cannot turn simeone crazy. 
Thats the reason I posted my experiences.
Nobody "turns" me into anything. Thats my own doing. I am responsible for my own actions.
Just like the women you date. You said they seem normal when you meet them, but then something shifts. 
They are not emotionally stable when you meet them. Know them better before commiting to a relationship.
I do apologize if I hurt your feelings AP, you are one of my favorites


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> It wasnt meant to be funny. You, as an individual, cannot turn simeone crazy.
> Thats the reason I posted my experiences.
> Nobody "turns" me into anything. Thats my own doing. I am responsible for my own actions.
> Just like the women you date. You said they seem normal when you meet them, but then something shifts.
> They are not emotionally stable when you meet them. Know them better before commiting to a relationship.
> I do apologize if I hurt your feelings AP, you are one of my favorites


It's ok no hurt feelings  :cat:


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> So.... you turn them crazy??
> 
> From my experience, if I am super into a man (and I feel he is not) I become obsessive. I begin pushing and pulling, testing everything! In essence I turn crazy.
> Could it be that they are super into you and feel you are not reciprocating their feelings?


See I would drop you like a hot frying pan if you acted that way with me. 

I want a partner, not a proctor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Lol.. if finally see what its like to be a guy on the other side with a clingy chick.... yea never ever chasing again wow he needs to just go away
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

ne9907 said:


> So.... you turn them crazy??
> 
> From my experience, if I am super into a man (and I feel he is not) I become obsessive. I begin pushing and pulling, testing everything! In essence I turn crazy.
> Could it be that they are super into you and feel you are not reciprocating their feelings?


Totally the opposite. If someone's not into me I lose interest very quickly. Why waste all that energy?


----------



## moxy

AP, it looks like you're putting your hope in people who aren't worthy of it. Five affairs is a lot; I'm only pointing that out so that you see that it's a symptom of something else that isn't right in your world. In even your most vulnerable moments in this forum here, even those in which you felt like you were being overly scrutinized, you came across as sincere and congenial. Those are great traits; they demonstrate your willingness to compromise in order to make things work, your desire to be considerate. However, when you trust women that are demonstrating weak morality to begin with, those qualities become easily exploited. I bet that you must feel hard done by these women, and it must feel unpleasant. You need to meet women who are more stable, women who are actually and properly single at the time that you get together, and not still hung up on zombie exes that are still lurking around. You've indicated that you feel lonely and it's possible that you're choosing the wrong kind of women because they meet that immediate need but can't adapt when you want something deeper and more stable. It might do you some good to move very slowly when you start a new relationship. It might do you good to talk to an IC or a support group about other ways to break this habit so that you feel better about your partners.

Please don't take any of this statement as disdain or judgement. We all have patterns of behavior that get in the way of our paths to happiness. Trying to figure out the core part of the pattern is painful and difficult, sometimes, but you must be willing to confront it if you want to change the course of your life.

My pattern? I commit too quickly to the men I date. I get attached and stay loyal -- even when I don't truly have feelings for someone, even when I know it goes against my better judgement. I don't go out there and explore; I pick a path (a person) and stay the course without evaluating whether or not it's heading in my preferred direction. It took me three years to understand this and I'm trying new (and scary; yes dating is scary -- especially the idea of dating more than one person at a time!) things now in the hopes of testing my ability to resist that impulse. It's very difficult because I'm having to face myself, even parts of me that I want to hide from. I have to hope it will pay off; I'm not hiding behind fat or isolation (I was doing this!), but working on being social and improving my body; I'm seeing change. 

I'm giving you my example just to show you that you're not alone in your struggle. You just have to be willing to face your demons and recognize them instead of justifying your bad habits.

You're a good guy. You may have made some poor decisions that didn't fulfill you anyway, but, you can change how things in your life are going to go if you try. Focus your generosity of spirit in the right ways; choose better women -- and, if you don't know how, then take this time to learn about how. 

Hang in there, bro.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> See I would drop you like a hot frying pan if you acted that way with me.
> 
> I want a partner, not a proctor.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes
I am learning quite a bit, I am moving away from my POS tendencies.
The entire blue eyes experience taught me some important lessons. Old me would have been devastated, and begging him, but I am fine.
Why am I fine? I am learning my worth, and knowing what I want. I am not exactly 100% but working on it.
I am a white man's perfect catch (i only date white men), latina, young, pretty, smart, no kids, plus funny


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I am a white man's perfect catch (i only date white men), latina, young, pretty, smart, no kids, plus funny



Why do you only date white men?

What is your idea of a perfect catch for you?


----------



## unsure78

Dude go away....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> Wise, you are.
> The force is strong with this one


And I'm a cowboy.


----------



## muskrat

Alright, to the best of my knowledge I have never been an OM. I have also never cheated. I don't know the playbook very well. With that said I have a question.
I have been talking to a 34 year old single mom. We are supposed to meet tonight for the first time. This all sounds great. My concern is we always text and message while she is at work. We talk on the phone while she is driving home. Her daughter is in the car with her so she isn't hiding me from her daughter at least. Anyhow once she gets home she goes silent until she is at work the next day. I find this kind of odd. I am just going with she doesn't want to invest to much until we meet and spends her evenings taking care of her home and child. She also lives with a disabled elderly friend that she takes care of.
So am I over thinking this or is something wrong with this scenario?


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Dude go away....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell him to cool his jets, or have you already?


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Dude go away....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WTH? What did I ever do to you?


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Yes
> I am learning quite a bit, I am moving away from my POS tendencies.
> The entire blue eyes experience taught me some important lessons. Old me would have been devastated, and begging him, but I am fine.
> Why am I fine? I am learning my worth, and knowing what I want. I am not exactly 100% but working on it.
> I am a white man's perfect catch (i only date white men), latina, young, pretty, smart, no kids, plus funny


I think women put men through sh!t tests because they are in a hurry to go exclusive. Instead of calming down and taking time to just chill and hang with a guy and get to know him inside and out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Alright, to the best of my knowledge I have never been an OM. I have also never cheated. I don't know the playbook very well. With that said I have a question.
> I have been talking to a 34 year old single mom. We are supposed to meet tonight for the first time. This all sounds great. My concern is we always text and message while she is at work. We talk on the phone while she is driving home. Her daughter is in the car with her so she isn't hiding me from her daughter at least. Anyhow once she gets home she goes silent until she is at work the next day. I find this kind of odd. I am just going with she doesn't want to invest to much until we meet and spends her evenings taking care of her home and child. She also lives with a disabled elderly friend that she takes care of.
> So am I over thinking this or is something wrong with this scenario?


You are not overthinkng it. If she seriously doesn't talk to you while at home then she most likely has something to hide. 
Disabled elderly friend is probably code for her husband who she despises now.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> WTH? What did I ever do to you?


She wasn't talking to you Rat. Probably reacting to a text from her stalker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> You are not overthinkng it. If she seriously doesn't talk to you while at home then she most likely has something to hide.
> Disabled elderly friend is probably code for her husband who she despises now.


That was sort of my train of thought. I figured I would just keep things casual tonight and see what happens after we actually meet.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Alright, to the best of my knowledge I have never been an OM. I have also never cheated. I don't know the playbook very well. With that said I have a question.
> I have been talking to a 34 year old single mom. We are supposed to meet tonight for the first time. This all sounds great. My concern is we always text and message while she is at work. We talk on the phone while she is driving home. Her daughter is in the car with her so she isn't hiding me from her daughter at least. Anyhow once she gets home she goes silent until she is at work the next day. I find this kind of odd. I am just going with she doesn't want to invest to much until we meet and spends her evenings taking care of her home and child. She also lives with a disabled elderly friend that she takes care of.
> So am I over thinking this or is something wrong with this scenario?


No you're not overthinking. She's probably got a loving hubby waiting for her at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Of course, she might actually be taking care of disabled elderly friend too

Don't overthink too much!


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> She wasn't talking to you Rat. Probably reacting to a text from her stalker.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was trying to be funny B. That is why I added the emoticon with the tongue sticking out.
I just wanted to make her smile. Poor Unsure is sick and has more men chasing her then she could shake a stick at.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I was trying to be funny B. That is why I added the emoticon with the tongue sticking out.
> I just wanted to make her smile. Poor Unsure is sick and has more men chasing her then she could shake a stick at.


My POS phone doesn't show smilies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Dollystanford said:


> Of course, she might actually be taking care of disabled elderly friend too
> 
> Don't overthink too much!



Dolly, you are the perfect person for this. She was born and raised in Germany. She moved here when she was 20. Is dating different in Europe compared to the US? Just another thought I had. Could this just be some cultural difference?


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> That was sort of my train of thought. I figured I would just keep things casual tonight and see what happens after we actually meet.


Look her up on FB. I can't even remember now how many women from Match I looked up and they had pics with their BF's or husband or has in relationship status.


----------



## vi_bride04

Can you look up court records for a divorce judgement?


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Look her up on FB. I can't even remember now how many women from Match I looked up and they had pics with their BF's or husband or has in relationship status.


This would be great, but I don't know her last name. We have only been chatting for a week or so. We are planning to meet at Applebee's for dinner. I figured that is safe enough for a first date.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Why do you only date white men?
> 
> What is your idea of a perfect catch for you?


I did say I was funny :

I have only dated white men, I don't like Hispanic men because I grew up observing the way most of them act. I am not attracted to them. I will not go into details but I have my reasons.

The perfect catch will be someone who is single, has a plan for retirement, a solid job, a life, and is pretty happy with his current life. 
That's just the beginning.


----------



## Dollystanford

It's only different in that I think in Europe we tend to go with the flow a little more. You haven't even been out with her yet and already you're concerned about this or that or seeing red flags or reading things in to whether she texts you at certain times or not

I would chill your boots, meet her, see if you are even interested in thinking about pursuing something before you start analysing


----------



## unsure78

Ok got the text am I mad at him or just so weak from being sick? Because I didnr answer a text within 2 mins... he is now on block. ..

Never mad at you Rat... 

Holy moly this is the only the second guy I have put on block in two years
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I did say I was funny :
> 
> I have only dated white men, I don't like Hispanic men because I grew up observing the way most of them act. I am not attracted to them. I will not go into details but I have my reasons.
> 
> The perfect catch will be someone who is single, has a plan for retirement, a solid job, a life, and is pretty happy with his current life.
> That's just the beginning.


Well,

Get over here. I'm ready.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

She's married Rat. 

Run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP, it looks like you're putting your hope in people who aren't worthy of it. Five affairs is a lot; I'm only pointing that out so that you see that it's a symptom of something else that isn't right in your world. In even your most vulnerable moments in this forum here, even those in which you felt like you were being overly scrutinized, you came across as sincere and congenial. Those are great traits; they demonstrate your willingness to compromise in order to make things work, your desire to be considerate. However, when you trust women that are demonstrating weak morality to begin with, those qualities become easily exploited. I bet that you must feel hard done by these women, and it must feel unpleasant. You need to meet women who are more stable, women who are actually and properly single at the time that you get together, and not still hung up on zombie exes that are still lurking around. You've indicated that you feel lonely and it's possible that you're choosing the wrong kind of women because they meet that immediate need but can't adapt when you want something deeper and more stable. It might do you some good to move very slowly when you start a new relationship. It might do you good to talk to an IC or a support group about other ways to break this habit so that you feel better about your partners.
> 
> Please don't take any of this statement as disdain or judgement. We all have patterns of behavior that get in the way of our paths to happiness. Trying to figure out the core part of the pattern is painful and difficult, sometimes, but you must be willing to confront it if you want to change the course of your life.
> 
> My pattern? I commit too quickly to the men I date. I get attached and stay loyal -- even when I don't truly have feelings for someone, even when I know it goes against my better judgement. I don't go out there and explore; I pick a path (a person) and stay the course without evaluating whether or not it's heading in my preferred direction. It took me three years to understand this and I'm trying new (and scary; yes dating is scary -- especially the idea of dating more than one person at a time!) things now in the hopes of testing my ability to resist that impulse. It's very difficult because I'm having to face myself, even parts of me that I want to hide from. I have to hope it will pay off; I'm not hiding behind fat or isolation (I was doing this!), but working on being social and improving my body; I'm seeing change.
> 
> I'm giving you my example just to show you that you're not alone in your struggle. You just have to be willing to face your demons and recognize them instead of justifying your bad habits.
> 
> You're a good guy. You may have made some poor decisions that didn't fulfill you anyway, but, you can change how things in your life are going to go if you try. Focus your generosity of spirit in the right ways; choose better women -- and, if you don't know how, then take this time to learn about how.
> 
> Hang in there, bro.


Thank you Moxy that does mean a lot 
And I know you all mean well so it is hard pressed for me to be insulted by what you guys tell me now. I kind of know the truth too, it's just admitting it is the hard part.

This time last year I was not in a good place, I had recently filed for divorce. My exwife was fckn her best friends husband, I was fckn my exGF who was still with her BF of 10yrs who she had 2 kids with and lived with him. Then shortly after I started another EA with a married woman.
I remember when I called it quits talking to the married women. It wasn't actually that long ago when I look back. It was only the end of January.

I'm not that person anymore.
Actually I'm kind of ashamed of that person.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> This would be great, but I don't know her last name. We have only been chatting for a week or so. We are planning to meet at Applebee's for dinner. I figured that is safe enough for a first date.


Do you not know how to internet stalk? lol
You have her cell# right? Google the number, her name, if she isn't on th efirst page or 2 I would be surprised. FB friend search her cell#, if she has FB linked to her phone which a lot of people do you got her. Then go from there. Literally with in 5 minutes you can find out at least something on someone if you have their cell and first name.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I have only dated white men, I don't like Hispanic men because I grew up observing the way most of them act. I am not attracted to them. I will not go into details but I have my reasons.


I know exactly what you mean, ne.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I'm not that person anymore.
> Actually I'm kind of ashamed of that person.


This may be harsh...but you should be.

You may not have "cheated" on any of your relationships but you still have played a part of infidelity in every one.

Get your crap together, AP. Don't settle anymore for crumbs from someone.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Do you not know how to internet stalk? lol
> You have her cell# right? Google the number, her name, if she isn't on th efirst page or 2 I would be surprised. FB friend search her cell#, if she has FB linked to her phone which a lot of people do you got her. Then go from there. Literally with in 5 minutes you can find out at least something on someone if you have their cell and first name.


Damn, that all just seems so wrong. :scratchhead: I did however follow your suggestions.  I now know her last name. Her profile is mostly set to private. I can only see 2 pics and they are of her and her daughter.:scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Damn, that all just seems so wrong. :scratchhead: I did however follow your suggestions.  I now know her last name. Her profile is mostly set to private. I can only see 2 pics and they are of her and her daughter.:scratchhead:


lol
Dont you feel dirty doing that?? I did at the beginning, but now I am pro. 
I have found so much useful information thanks to my fake FB account!
Another thing you can do, is find out who liked her pictures on FB. Then go through their profiles and gather more data. 
If the person who share the last name liked any of her pictures, go to their profiles first and follow the last name trail


----------



## muskrat

Is this what the dating world has really come too? Can we not trust anyone to be who they say they are anymore? Ugggh, this is frustrating! If I could just find a single lady in her 30's that wants a white cowboy!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> My pattern? I commit too quickly to the men I date. I get attached and stay loyal -- even when I don't truly have feelings for someone, even when I know it goes against my better judgement. I don't go out there and explore; I pick a path (a person) and stay the course without evaluating whether or not it's heading in my preferred direction. It took me three years to understand this and I'm trying new (and scary; yes dating is scary -- especially the idea of dating more than one person at a time!) things now in the hopes of testing my ability to resist that impulse. It's very difficult because I'm having to face myself, even parts of me that I want to hide from. I'm seeing change.
> .


This is me all the way Moxy.
I am seeing change, my main problem is that I need to work on my self esteem. I do not feel myself worthy of being someone's lilfe long partner. 
I do talk a lot of ****, I say to mysel that I am pretty and smart, and funny, and caring, but it is an exercise to help me believe that I am worthy and a remarkable woman.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Is this what the dating world has really come too? Can we not trust anyone to be who they say they are anymore? Ugggh, this is frustrating! If I could just find a single lady in her 30's that wants a white cowboy!


Unfortunately, yes, rat


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Is this what the dating world has really come too? Can we not trust anyone to be who they say they are anymore? Ugggh, this is frustrating! If I could just find a single lady in her 30's that wants a white cowboy!


Yep 
Dating is oh sooooooo restless....

btw, you had me at cowboy 

but we live too far away and I want a white picket fence, a garden, a horse, a vegetable garden, a weeping willow tree, and a nearby river.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> Yep
> Dating is oh sooooooo restless....
> 
> btw, you had me at cowboy
> 
> but we live too far away and I want a white picket fence, a garden, a horse, a vegetable garden, a weeping willow tree, and a nearby river.


Umm, I have all those things. But you are right Narnia is still a world away. :rofl: That won't stop me from e flirting with you though.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Unfortunately, yes, rat


Sorry Rat take what we all have learned trust but verify.... actions not words,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I did say I was funny :
> 
> 
> 
> I have only dated white men, I don't like Hispanic men because I grew up observing the way most of them act. I am not attracted to them. I will not go into details but I have my reasons.
> 
> 
> 
> The perfect catch will be someone who is single, has a plan for retirement, a solid job, a life, and is pretty happy with his current life.
> 
> That's just the beginning.



I can understand that. Our experiences shape our desires and wishes.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> Is this what the dating world has really come too? Can we not trust anyone to be who they say they are anymore? Ugggh, this is frustrating! If I could just find a single lady in her 30's that wants a white cowboy!



Yep. And sexting.


----------



## COGypsy

Trust but verify is good. IF you know the person from a hole in the ground. Seriously, do you know what a random from match had from me after a week of communicating? Certainly NOT my last name, where I live, where I work, or my time and attention 24/7. Not giving any of that up until I can get a feel for them face to face and see if I even want to see them or hear from them again. If I'd discovered that they were "investigating" me, the goose would be cooked right there. Done. Finito. Hasta la bye bye. Got no time for convincing someone I haven't ever seen than I'm not a crazy cheating stalker... Musk--it's a date. Go, have fun and see if she's even worth the paranoia before you get all crazy that she's not on call for every communique.


----------



## ne9907

Hmm match.com


----------



## muskrat

To be fair I sometimes take hours to respond to a text. I also do not send repeated texts. If I send one I don't send another until I get a response. I wasn't really all that concerned. I was just asking a general question. The responses have me a little nervous though. I honestly think she is on the up and up but time will tell. I'll report back later tonight on the evenings events.

I think as people who have been put through hell, we sometimes look for trouble where there is none. I plan on sitting back, enjoying the evening and going from there.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> To be fair I sometimes take hours to respond to a text. I also do not send repeated texts. If I send one I don't send another until I get a response. I wasn't really all that concerned. I was just asking a general question. The responses have me a little nervous though. I honestly think she is on the up and up but time will tell. I'll report back later tonight on the evenings events.
> 
> I think as people who have been put through hell, we sometimes look for trouble where there is none. I plan on sitting back, enjoying the evening and going from there.


Right. Just hang out and have a good time, don't get paranoid but do keep your eyes open.


----------



## unsure78

COGypsy said:


> Trust but verify is good. IF you know the person from a hole in the ground. Seriously, do you know what a random from match had from me after a week of communicating? Certainly NOT my last name, where I live, where I work, or my time and attention 24/7. Not giving any of that up until I can get a feel for them face to face and see if I even want to see them or hear from them again. If I'd discovered that they were "investigating" me, the goose would be cooked right there. Done. Finito. Hasta la bye bye. Got no time for convincing someone I haven't ever seen than I'm not a crazy cheating stalker... Musk--it's a date. Go, have fun and see if she's even worth the paranoia before you get all crazy that she's not on call for every communique.


I dont know CO.. I was able to figure out my two guys last names that ive rescheduled dates with pretty easily...one from his job, he told me where he worked, the other was in hisnprofile name... I always take a quick look at fb and look up court records to 1) confirm divorced 2) make sure they havent been in trouble with the law.. only takes a few mins time and you gain valuable insight before the date... people lie a loooooooot

And its all public record...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hope everyone is doing good tonight! Managed to baby myself back to good health (no gym in 3 days blows) but it's time to suit up and taste some wine!


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Hope everyone is doing good tonight! Managed to baby myself back to good health (no gym in 3 days blows) but it's time to suit up and taste some wine!


Have fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Have fun, up.

I got drunk last night...so, I have not felt well today. 

...but, I really enjoyed my evening. It was worth it...I just should not have had that last shot.


----------



## ne9907

At the beach and going to get drunk!!


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> At the beach and going to get drunk!!



Have fun, just be safe

Uncle D

For me, I can't drink any longer. Sober now 2 years


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Have fun, just be safe
> 
> Uncle D
> 
> For me, I can't drink any longer. Sober now 2 years


Good for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

COGypsy said:


> Trust but verify is good. IF you know the person from a hole in the ground. Seriously, do you know what a random from match had from me after a week of communicating? Certainly NOT my last name, where I live, where I work, or my time and attention 24/7. Not giving any of that up until I can get a feel for them face to face and see if I even want to see them or hear from them again. If I'd discovered that they were "investigating" me, the goose would be cooked right there. Done. Finito. Hasta la bye bye. Got no time for convincing someone I haven't ever seen than I'm not a crazy cheating stalker... Musk--it's a date. Go, have fun and see if she's even worth the paranoia before you get all crazy that she's not on call for every communique.



Yep, sometimes l get this thing , vibe , coming across through internet world when l've say emailed someone and said hello.
lt's like a well , are you gonns convince me your worth my while type vibe.
But , umm no , l'm not gonna convince you of anything , or pass any of your stupid tests .
l don't even know if your real or worth my while yet , or 20 stone heavier and 15yrs older than that pic you have up.
Or what sort of a person you are.
lf l get that vibe l give her the flick on the spot , it disgusts me and attitude llike that and if she was that fkg Royal - then whats she doing on a date site anyway you know,

But you guys seem to have to worry about crazies there much more so thasn we do , l'm thankful for that. Although RD might disagree .
And apart from a few high and mighty attituded types , it's been pretty hassle free. Most have been very nice girls just simply trying to find an honest new thing , like me.
So it's mostly been just real, casual , comfortable . And although l wouldn't give anything that could nail me in some way , away too soon. lt's been normal to just talk about anything and everything pretty well straight off , just happens.
lt's been nice too , comforting to l know , to most of us l think. To just share , be upfront - yes l fkd up , yep l'm back on this silly treadmill too , yep l can't get out much either or do the club thing , yep l got my guts ripped out too .
lt's been weird but l've found this stuff just really , l dunno , sorta nice for everyone l've met so far - the real ones anyway.
And even if it's gone nowhere l've noticed we've usually both felt a real relief to just be up front , admitting , meeting others in the same boat at least .


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> I dont know CO.. I was able to figure out my two guys last names that ive rescheduled dates with pretty easily...one from his job, he told me where he worked, the other was in hisnprofile name... I always take a quick look at fb and look up court records to 1) confirm divorced 2) make sure they havent been in trouble with the law.. only takes a few mins time and you gain valuable insight before the date... people lie a loooooooot
> 
> And its all public record...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Seems os crazy extreme to me . On one hand l think l'd tell her to Eff off if she did that [email protected] . But on the other , l dunno . Females do have to watch this stuff l guess.
Spose we all should , l dunno , couldn't be bothered myself. l see what l need to just on auto anyway - umm , l hope. :scratchhead:


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Good for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is in part why I came to TAM in the first place. Addictions can ruin a family as much as infidelity (which I understand is probably the number one issue on TAM given the traffic to that forum). But, I am clean and I have an intact family


----------



## muskrat

I'm back. I kept things short seeing how this was our first time meeting and all. We were together for 2 1/2 hours. I thought that was good. We had a wonderful dinner and then played a round of mini golf. We were both laughing the whole time.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I did say I was funny :
> 
> I have only dated white men, I don't like Hispanic men because I grew up observing the way most of them act. I am not attracted to them. I will not go into details but I have my reasons.
> 
> The perfect catch will be someone who is single, has a plan for retirement, a solid job, a life, and is pretty happy with his current life.
> That's just the beginning.


Sorry but if that's just the beginning , good luck ne .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> We really are kindred spirits JB. One day one of us will find someone to either resuscitate/ resuscitate you. :smthumbup:


Can THREE of us be kindred spirits?? 



Another Planet said:


> I did, so now she thinks I have some jealously thing. Whatever I don't think it is out of line, actually I think it is pretty disrespectful to talk a lot about exes. We talk about our divorces together but that is different.


Having some jealousy is okay, really. It shows that you are invested in that person. She needs to stop sh!t testing you with this. 



muskrat said:


> And I'm a cowboy.


STOP IT you tease! 

So I went out for an ever elusive second date with a guy I met on Match. He is pretty much PERFECT for me! He is exactly the kind of guy I am looking for! The problem? ZERO SPARK for me. NONE. He kissed me last night, and I felt a whole lot of NOTHING. NADA.  There is just no attraction there, and I am extremely frustrated by this, I dont want to be THAT woman who passes up a great guy cause he doesnt rev my engine! Everyone talks about women like that! But I cant help it, I want to be with someone who I want to reach out and touch, that I want to kiss, and be close to. So what do I do now? Do I TRY a third date to be sure? I feel like maybe I should, but how unfair is that to him??


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Can THREE of us be kindred spirits??
> 
> 
> 
> Having some jealousy is okay, really. It shows that you are invested in that person. She needs to stop sh!t testing you with this.
> 
> 
> 
> STOP IT you tease!
> 
> So I went out for an ever elusive second date with a guy I met on Match. He is pretty much PERFECT for me! He is exactly the kind of guy I am looking for! The problem? ZERO SPARK for me. NONE. He kissed me last night, and I felt a whole lot of NOTHING. NADA.  There is just no attraction there, and I am extremely frustrated by this, I dont want to be THAT woman who passes up a great guy cause he doesnt rev my engine! Everyone talks about women like that! But I cant help it, I want to be with someone who I want to reach out and touch, that I want to kiss, and be close to. So what do I do now? Do I TRY a third date to be sure? I feel like maybe I should, but how unfair is that to him??



Yeah know the feeling 3x . l've been lucky enough to meet 2 or 3 girls so far that are as perfect for me as l could ever ask for . l think l must be mad.
But there's been nothing happening for me . At first l though l may have been blocking through fear , trust and stuff. 
But deep down l must admit , l sorta did know that wasn't really it , it just wasn't there .
Personally l know for my self , l can't put it there , make it happen if it's not. l'm like that with people and l've always been like that in love.

l don't think there's much you can do.
But go on another date , really , can't hurt , never know you could be blocking to so . Good luck .


----------



## ne9907

I am a bit drunk and high on summer time!!

I want to share that I am happy!!
I am at a co workers house celebrating her birthday and I am happy!!!    

I am not on a date and I am so happy!!!!

Edit: ok maybe I am very drunk but oh sohappy...and not a single hot guy in sight!!


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Can THREE of us be kindred spirits??
> 
> 
> 
> 
> STOP IT you tease!



Join our club! There is always room for more. :smthumbup:

Who said I'm teasing? I'm right here and single. Of course my date tonight went really well so that may change soon, but how do you know if someone is really into you for sure?

Sorry you didn't have the spark you need on your date. Don't settle!! You won't be happy in the long run. You'll find a guy that gets you revved up.


----------



## muskrat

whitehawk said:


> Hey Rat . Gee sorry about your marriage buso , sounds damn rough man , good luck with it all.
> You going for custody , God it's all sad [email protected] no matter how we cut it isn't it.
> 
> But you know , you see this girl at church you like , and you wanna meet her. Big congrats good for you man. That tells you all you need to know, you wanna , so it's just time :smthumbup:
> 
> But she'd be feeling you Rat, she probably knows already . So you just wait for an op your comfortable with, like maybe when she's alone or whatever and go up and say hello mate. The rest will look after itself.
> 
> l was sorta asking similar myself round here mths ago because although l often see someone or get something really nice from a girl out and about, l haven't actually been there in a long time.but man l've been so pleasantly surprised.
> 
> l've met quite a few on my date sites just being myself but , l've also met 2 out and about and that's all l've done. Just gone up and said hello.
> One of them was 32 and we ended up having coffee then and there and been seeing each other since.
> 
> Just relax , if she gives you the cold shoulder tough . No biggie. But l doubt at all she would Rat.
> l've found they really appreciate us just taking the lead and getting on with it myself. They've mostly been warm and really nice about it .


WH, you quoted something I wrote like a year ago. A lot has changed since then.


----------



## moxy

Ne, it's great that you're having fun and thinking about something else for a while.


----------



## muskrat

Ok, so I need the ladies opinions here. What are some clues if a woman is really into you?
Tonight when I walked her to her car I gave her a hug goodbye. She wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close and kind of nuzzled my check. We then proceeded to have like a 15 min make out session in the parking lot. I assumed that this is all positive, but after 3x saying how she kissed her date and yet is not interested, I am confused. :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> WH, you quoted something I wrote like a year ago. A lot has changed since then.



did l , [email protected] that'd be right . Ah wel , it's popped up again on a page or two back from the look unless l messed up - which would be nothing new :rofl:

Funny , somehow l knew that post was a waste of fkg time , hate that .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Ok, so I need the ladies opinions here. What are some clues if a woman is really into you?
> Tonight when I walked her to her car I gave her a hug goodbye. She wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close and kind of nuzzled my check. We then proceeded to have like a 15 min make out session in the parking lot. I assumed that this is all positive, but after 3x saying how she kissed her date and yet is not interested, I am confused. :scratchhead:


Mine was just that, a kiss. No makeout session. If I make out with someone, then I am into him.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> Ok, so I need the ladies opinions here. What are some clues if a woman is really into you?
> 
> Tonight when I walked her to her car I gave her a hug goodbye. She wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close and kind of nuzzled my check. We then proceeded to have like a 15 min make out session in the parking lot. I assumed that this is all positive, but after 3x saying how she kissed her date and yet is not interested, I am confused. :scratchhead:



You don't make out for fifteen minutes if there's no chemistry. Who pulled away first and under what circumstances? What was the apparent mood of the other person?


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> You don't make out for fifteen minutes if there's no chemistry. Who pulled away first and under what circumstances? What was the apparent mood of the other person?


I think we both kind of pulled away simultaneously. We were both smiling. She then looked at me and said "a penny for your thoughts". I didn't know what to say so I kissed her again. She said "good answer". We both said we would like to see each other again then it started pouring and we went our separate ways.
By the way she did text me tonight when she got home and thanked me for a wonderful time.


----------



## jpr

I think she likes you, Muskrat.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I think we both kind of pulled away simultaneously. We were both smiling. She then looked at me and said "a penny for your thoughts". I didn't know what to say so I kissed her again. She said "good answer". We both said we would like to see each other again then it started pouring and we went our separate ways.
> 
> By the way she did text me tonight when she got home and thanked me for a wonderful time.



Oh, she likes you! Definitely.


----------



## bandit.45

Great job muskrat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Thank you Victoria's Secret.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

The more women I meet it seems the more I miss my ex. Not that I'll ever let her know that... *sigh*


----------



## muskrat

I have gotten a few texts this morning. It appears the concerns about her not texting while at home were unfounded.
I think she does like me. That is good because I thought she was pretty awesome. The only problem now is I will need to think up a name for her for on here.


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> The more women I meet it seems the more I miss my ex. Not that I'll ever let her know that... *sigh*


aaaaaannnd you've finally come full circle.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Wine hangovers ...


----------



## unsure78

Yea Rat... happy you had a good date!... just take things one step at a time ok? Dont let that heart jump in too fast 

And im still sick wtf :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Wine hangovers ...


Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> aaaaaannnd you've finally come full circle.


True, only took a year and a half... then again I've been going in circles since seperation anyway.

Although I have met a few decent women out of the many I've dated, the ones that had potential - still fell short of the bar my ex set in her golden years before all the madness.

Yet it's just too late for us as our relationship is dead either than hi/bye and co-parenting discussions - business. I don't know who she's been dating either.

Meh


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> True, only took a year and a half... then again I've been going in circles since seperation anyway.
> 
> Although I have met a few decent women out of the many I've dated, the ones that had potential - still fell short of the bar my ex set in her golden years before all the madness.
> 
> Yet it's just too late for us as our relationship is dead either than hi/bye and co-parenting discussions - business. I don't know who she's been dating either.
> 
> Meh


Golden years? Is that the banner hung over her pedestal?


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> The more women I meet it seems the more I miss my ex. Not that I'll ever let her know that... *sigh*




Do you know l'm finding the same thing. See unlike a lot of ex couples , we were usually a great couple , we just got fkd up.

l see this girl or meet that one now , she might be this or that or better this or that. it doesn't seem to make any difference though it just makes me want to go back lately .


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> aaaaaannnd you've finally come full circle.




So what do you do then ?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> So what do you do then ?


What do you mean?


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> The more women I meet it seems the more I miss my ex. Not that I'll ever let her know that... *sigh*



Why won't you let her know? Is there still a chance she'd take you back?

At least you're admitting it. Maybe you can work through those feelings now that you're acknowledging them.


----------



## moxy

You know what's even better than middle of the night phonesex? Early morning, sleepily uninhibited sexting. Not quite the real thing, but, fun anyway.

I don't wanna get out of bed, but I have so much work to do!


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> What do you mean?



Well , you realize you've come full circle , what do you do then ?

Or to put it into my case , basically l never was out of love with my ex so l'm realizing no one else no matter how good or better , really interest me !


----------



## whitehawk

lt's so weird. l've had the most incredible girls basically offered to me on a silver platter . But it's like there's just no one home.


----------



## ne9907

I dont like sexting
I dont like mornings

I want to be a whiny b!tch, I have a hangover


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Well , you realize you've come full circle , what do you do then ?
> 
> Or to put it into my case , basically l never was out of love with my ex so l'm realizing no one else no matter how good or better , really interest me !





whitehawk said:


> lt's so weird. l've had the most incredible girls basically offered to me on a silver platter . But it's like there's just no one home.


It takes two to tango and the only one you can control is yourself. If you decide to sit idle because you can't get over your ex ... well ... that's on you.


----------



## moxy

NE -- go have a lot of water and some vitamins! Maybe some fresh air? 

I hate being hungover; I so seldom drink, but when I do, I really feel it the next day!


----------



## moxy

Sometimes, sitting idly without a new partner can be good, though. It's an opportunity to figure things out about who you are and what you want in your life.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Sometimes, sitting idly without a new partner can be good, though. It's an opportunity to figure things out about who you are and what you want in your life.


I have no problem being single.


----------



## Another Planet

OMG RD Whitehawk, get over your exes. Screw them!! . 
RD first step finish getting divorced man! Seriously even that lingering thread of attachment is enough to fck your head up. 
And both of you need to be able to be happy by yourselves before you can be happy with another. 
Talk about setting bars and golden years?, set your own bar and make your own Golden Years with yourself!
Go hang gliding, swim with the sharks, go bungee jumping, buy a sports car, take up drag racing, start a new business.....anything!
Christ buy a new album from your favorite band and listen to it while reading a romance novel in a bubble bath!...I don't care just do something for yourself to make you happy.
Do that stuff and if someone decides she wants to come join let her in be happy and then it's for real


----------



## muskrat

RD and WH, I can relate. My ex and I were that couple that everyone wanted to be. We had a fantastic marriage, that is until it all fell apart. I don't know if I'll ever meet someone that seems to fit me like she did. But that is all irrelevant!! She is not that person anymore. I also have changed. I sometimes miss what we had, but you cannot go back!! It is time to move forward, meet new people and just flat out enjoy life. If you keep wanting to go back, you'll never move forward. Our marriages were a phase of our lives, that phase has past.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Do you know l'm finding the same thing. See unlike a lot of ex couples , we were usually a great couple , we just got fkd up.
> 
> l see this girl or meet that one now , she might be this or that or better this or that. it doesn't seem to make any difference though it just makes me want to go back lately .


Aye, not that easy to find a match worth dazing over, makes you look back and wonder what you had...



moxy said:


> Why won't you let her know? Is there still a chance she'd take you back?
> 
> At least you're admitting it. Maybe you can work through those feelings now that you're acknowledging them.


Feelings? They're dead, if anything we'll have to start over, and we've had 1.5 years break. I'm over her, but... just disappointed at the other options.

@AP & Muskrat

There's only so much fun one can have by one's self. It's been 1.5 years, and although I've been meeting new people and enjoying single life, changing women every month or so...

I've forgotten how it feels like to actually give a sh-t about someone. Ex maybe many things but the one thing she's kept is my respect for her. 

Not only is she someone I know isn't materialistic at the slightest, but... we were on the same 'wavelength' when it came to who we were. Sure we had differences, different ways to cope, different ways to adapt to our situations, but we've been there.

Regardless I still see her every weekend and she's civil, the only thing she's pissing me off over is her refusal to sign her half of the papers which means that we will have to face court. She says she doesn't want the responsibility of filing. Been waiting it out, but no change.

Meh... maybe I'm just screwed


----------



## Another Planet

You know what helped me not only get over my ex but have also applied it to many other things that I had to just let go? I just had to tell myself that she plain old didn't like, she wasn't in to me. I had to just accept it, she didn't like me anymore it's time to move on. It wasn't right, we tried and we failed. Why try more for something as broken as that? 
If you guys were so perfect why aren't you together then? Things happen for a reason so stop fighting it. What is it some conquest to figure out what went wrong? Will figuring it out actually make you happy? Will you finally be satisfied?..... 
Probably not. You will not be whole again like that EVER. It was a situation that can't be reproduced so just appreciate it for what it was. 
But you know what? You might not be able to ever have that again but what you can have is something new, something better but in it's own ways and you have to learn to appreciate those new ways. To get that though you have to move on, you have to let go. Just...let...goooooo.........liberate yourself.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> So I went out for an ever elusive second date with a guy I met on Match. He is pretty much PERFECT for me! He is exactly the kind of guy I am looking for! The problem? ZERO SPARK for me. NONE. He kissed me last night, and I felt a whole lot of NOTHING. NADA.  There is just no attraction there, and I am extremely frustrated by this, I dont want to be THAT woman who passes up a great guy cause he doesnt rev my engine!


He is NOT the perfect man for you if you have zero chemistry. I do not think chemistry or a spark is something that can be created. It's either there or it isn't. 

You could go out with him again to determine "if" you have developed something but if not, do not string him along and be honest with him.

There is a guy who would be the perfect boyfriend on paper for me. And I have tried, for years now to see if we spark and nothing has happened. I simply do not have that ZING for him. On the contrary, there was one guy I met where I just felt it. I didn't even have to try. It's like my brain just turned on. 

So...you could go out again but don't lead him on if nothing happens. Maybe it will though? I don't know. For me, it's ever gone from zero to something.

Muskrat--seems she liked you enough to make out with you. That date sounds fun. Ask her again and see what happens.

RD--there are couples who have rekindled after a long separation and even divorce. If you still love her, tell her.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> I've forgotten how it feels like to actually give a sh-t about someone. Ex maybe many things but the one thing she's kept is my respect for her.


I've been at this place before. What helped me was stopping the meaningless, casual sex. It's hard to even open yourself to feelings if all you are doing is trying to use sex to make yourself feel better without building some sort of foundation first. Hell, even just making sure you at least respect the people you are "plowing" is a start. You don't even seem to respect the women you date, RD.

Really, I think you need to step away from women and sex at least a couple months to try to get grounded a little better with yourself.


----------



## RandomDude

It's been over a year, our feelings are diminished despite seeing each other every weekend. We've both moved on and there's nothing to rekindle. I just respect her.

And after seeing what else is out there, well, let's just say they've fallen short of what I had. She still looks good though, better than a few of the women I've been with recently. Still has those legs too. But meh... it's done.

Just wish I can meet someone like her but without the BS that's all, but I doubt it's going to happen considering how high she set the bar despite her flaws. There will always be certain aspects that I can't let go (such as her non-materialism) - nor can I tolerate (her silent treatments)

So in other words... I'm fked, cause now I want a perfect woman when there's no such thing as a perfect human being


----------



## Jellybeans

I knew you would come back with a response like that. 

Shoulda bet on it.

You are the architect of your own misery, RD.

Why not take a stab at being single w/o trying to date/find an FWB/replacement wifey/the ones you test only so you can cross them off the list anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> I've been at this place before. What helped me was stopping the meaningless, casual sex. It's hard to even open yourself to feelings if all you are doing is trying to use sex to make yourself feel better without building some sort of foundation first. Hell, even just making sure you at least respect the people you are "plowing" is a start. You don't even seem to respect the women you date, RD.
> 
> Really, I think you need to step away from women and sex at least a couple months to try to get grounded a little better with yourself.


Respect isn't given, it's earned

And what you mean I don't respect the women I date? I don't necessarily respect the women I plow sure, but the last woman I dated - I respected her decision not to get involved with a seperated man.

Chemistry has always been low to mid range for 1.5 years, never met someone who blows my mind away. I tried however, tried to let go, make myself feel again, doesn't work - I need that spark... need to be able to relate to each other in the right 'wavelength'

Still, I don't see where I've done wrong by the ladies I've met. The last one was rude so I'm rude back, I'm no gentleman, nor do I claim to be (unless I'm joking). I'm eye for an eye


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Why not take a stab at being single w/o trying to date/find an FWB/replacement wifey/the ones you test only so you can cross them off the list anyway.


I am taking a break now, hence my mood - no one worth dating recently so no tests, no desire for a FWB, and no desire for marriage

Now I'm just a daddy dealing with a daughter and all her girly antics... *sigh* she wants to be Elsa, and doesn't want to be Sofia... let alone Mulan or Xena anymore 

My little warrior has gone soft, probably I've gone too considering I've given up the dating game


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Respect isn't given, it's earned
> 
> And what you mean I don't respect the women I date? I don't necessarily respect the women I plow sure, but the last woman I dated - I respected her decision not to get involved with a seperated man.
> 
> Chemistry has always been low to mid range for 1.5 years, never met someone who blows my mind away. I tried however, tried to let go, make myself feel again, doesn't work - I need that spark... need to be able to relate to each other in the right 'wavelength'
> 
> Still, I don't see where I've done wrong by the ladies I've met. The last one was rude so I'm rude back, I'm no gentleman, nor do I claim to be (unless I'm joking). I'm eye for an eye


So why don't you wait until the respect is earned before you plow them??

And you didn't respect the last girl you dated, you honestly were pissed she had a problem with your situation. If you respected her, you wouldnt have threw such a fit about how she felt. 

You may not be doing the ladies wrong, but you are doing yourself wrong by not at least respecting the people you have sex with even a little bit. Trust me on this, when you start going down the path of "meh, who cares" it makes a person cold and even more unwilling to open up. If you eventually want someone special, you have to change the way you do things.


----------



## familyfirst09

vi_bride04 said:


> So why don't you wait until the respect is earned before you plow them??
> 
> And you didn't respect the last girl you dated, you honestly were pissed she had a problem with your situation. If you respected her, you wouldnt have threw such a fit about how she felt.
> 
> You may not be doing the ladies wrong, but you are doing yourself wrong by not at least respecting the people you have sex with even a little bit. Trust me on this, when you start going down the path of "meh, who cares" it makes a person cold and even more unwilling to open up. If you eventually want someone special, you have to change the way you do things.


Well spoken Vi.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Sometimes, sitting idly without a new partner can be good, though. It's an opportunity to figure things out about who you are and what you want in your life.



Thanks Mox and D. l think l need a bit more idle yet.
l was idle , then l decided to get back into it but it was more a self push thing , maybe too soon still.
Spose your right d , it does take two doesn't it . Maybe one day the other side of my brain will get that through it's head :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> He is NOT the perfect man for you if you have zero chemistry. I do not think chemistry or a spark is something that can be created. It's either there or it isn't.
> 
> You could go out with him again to determine "if" you have developed something but if not, do not string him along and be honest with him.


Thanks JB. The whole thing just frustrates me. It just feels like further proof that I am only attracted to men who are wrong for me. I have hit a point now that I dont even really want to try. I have lost interest on both dating sites I am on, I dont respond to anyone, and I have stopped searching. I want to feel that click, that spark, that instant connection again, and I think maybe I need to just give fate a chance for a little bit, because I am not making it happen on my own for sure. Maybe not giving a damn will work, lol!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> OMG RD Whitehawk, get over your exes. Screw them!! .
> RD first step finish getting divorced man! Seriously even that lingering thread of attachment is enough to fck your head up.
> And both of you need to be able to be happy by yourselves before you can be happy with another.
> Talk about setting bars and golden years?, set your own bar and make your own Golden Years with yourself!
> Go hang gliding, swim with the sharks, go bungee jumping, buy a sports car, take up drag racing, start a new business.....anything!
> Christ buy a new album from your favorite band and listen to it while reading a romance novel in a bubble bath!...I don't care just do something for yourself to make you happy.
> Do that stuff and if someone decides she wants to come join let her in be happy and then it's for real


I was hungover this morning feeling crabby, so after drill, I drove to a vety quiet coastal town. I blasted the music, rolled my windows and sang, oh and broke the speed limit a LOT!!

Also found a place that offers horse back riding along yhe vineyards and hills!!
Calling tomorrow and hooking.myself up!!

I guess that while I wait for my cowboy, I will ride a horse


----------



## ne9907

Oh there is hope for us singles of TAM!!!
Watching 60minutes. They interviewed a couple, both of them are 93 years old!!! Dating for 3 years and still have sex!!!


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> So why don't you wait until the respect is earned before you plow them??


I did with the last date - not my last screw.



> And you didn't respect the last girl you dated, you honestly were pissed she had a problem with your situation. If you respected her, you wouldnt have threw such a fit about how she felt.


Can't I vent my frustrations? I didn't take it out on her, I just vented on this forum. Better out then in I say. And once it's out then my sane mind can take over, and my sane mind respected her decision.



> You may not be doing the ladies wrong, but you are doing yourself wrong by not at least respecting the people you have sex with even a little bit. Trust me on this, when you start going down the path of "meh, who cares" it makes a person cold and even more unwilling to open up. If you eventually want someone special, you have to change the way you do things.


If I go along this route I wouldn't be having casuals for sex. FWB is the ideal however it's hard to establish, most accurately my recent experiences are more of 'fkbuddies'. The last screw annoyed me but I liked her body, the previous fkbuddies I had before her were better, but one grew emotions and the other wanted to date again to find lovey dovey.

I respected both their decisions, but as with my date - I need to vent too!


----------



## Jellybeans

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, I've done it once again. Went on a date with a guy (a couple by now) who joked about marrying me but kept mentioning it. I seem to meet guys who either disappear on me or want to marry me. There is hardly ever an in betweeen. What gives? They say we attract who we are but I am the antithesis to marriage so it's not that. I felt nothing when he kissed me. Or granted a little like ooh lala but not sustainable. The whole time I kept thinking, I would have rather been kissing Grandpa. :/ 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Watching a recap of the Merry Monarch Festival from this year... a little Hawaiian Culture 

Miss Aloha Hula 2014 - Ke'alohilani Tara Eliga Serrao - YouTube


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Well, I've done it once again. Went on a date with a guy (a couple by now) who joked about marrying me but kept mentioning it. I seem to meet guys who either disappear on me or want to marry me. There is hardly ever an in betweeen. They say we attract who we are I am the me antithesis to marriage so it's not that. I felt nothing when he kissed me. Or granted a little like ooh lala but not sustainable. I kept thinking *I would have rather been kissing Grandpa*. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch


----------



## LaQueso

drerio said:


> Watching a recap of the Merry Monarch Festival from this year... a little Hawaiian Culture
> 
> Miss Aloha Hula 2014 - Ke'alohilani Tara Eliga Serrao - YouTube


It was wonderful, my girls and I enjoyed watching! I missed the second night. One of these years I hope to see it live.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Ouch


It's a compliment. He is the last person I felt a spark with
. This guy: The zing wasn't there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

http://youtu.be/Z7dLU6fk9QY


----------



## RandomDude

Ever regret dumping someone? 

Thinking of 'laundry lady' last year, definitely one of the more decent women I've been with.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Ever regret dumping someone?
> 
> Thinking of 'laundry lady' last year, definitely one of the more decent women I've been with.



Yep 2 in the last 2mths.
like you , 3x l think it is too, l dunno , l worry l'm blocking it . lt shoulda happened for me with either of these 2 , l still can't really work out why it didn't.
l'm blaming the ex factor . 

But lf l was to decide and try again with one of them , l risk having to hurt her again and l don't want to do that.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> OMG RD Whitehawk, get over your exes. Screw them!! .
> RD first step finish getting divorced man! Seriously even that lingering thread of attachment is enough to fck your head up.
> And both of you need to be able to be happy by yourselves before you can be happy with another.
> Talk about setting bars and golden years?, set your own bar and make your own Golden Years with yourself!
> Go hang gliding, swim with the sharks, go bungee jumping, buy a sports car, take up drag racing, start a new business.....anything!
> Christ buy a new album from your favorite band and listen to it while reading a romance novel in a bubble bath!...I don't care just do something for yourself to make you happy.
> Do that stuff and if someone decides she wants to come join let her in be happy and then it's for real



Thanks for the 2x4 AP . All sounds so logical and l know it is .


----------



## muskrat

Where is everyone? It is Monday morning, this thread should be overflowing with everyone's weekend stories.


----------



## muskrat

To readdress the concerns over my dates lack of communication in the evenings. Since our date I have gotten regular texts from her all weekend and this morning before work. So I guess the concerns of her only texting while at work were unfounded. She also asked me if I was on facebook. I told her I was, a friend request was sent. So far it doesn't appear that she is hiding anything.
I have a feeling our collective past experiences have made a lot of us a little paranoid. Sometimes we look for flaws were none exist. With that said, I am choosing to trust her until she gives me a reason not too.


----------



## moxy

Muskrat, I worked all weekend, so: no stories from me. The thread is surprisingly quiet this morning, though.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Aye, not that easy to find a match worth dazing over, makes you look back and wonder what you had...
> 
> There's only so much fun one can have by one's self. It's been 1.5 years, and although I've been meeting new people and enjoying single life, changing women every month or so...
> 
> I've forgotten how it feels like to actually give a sh-t about someone. Ex maybe many things but the one thing she's kept is my respect for her.
> 
> Not only is she someone I know isn't materialistic at the slightest, but... we were on the same 'wavelength' when it came to who we were. Sure we had differences, different ways to cope, different ways to adapt to our situations, but we've been there.
> 
> Regardless I still see her every weekend and she's civil, the only thing she's pissing me off over is her refusal to sign her half of the papers which means that we will have to face court. She says she doesn't want the responsibility of filing. Been waiting it out, but no change.
> 
> Meh... maybe I'm just screwed





Hasn't been very long though in the signing , she might be trying to come to terms with it first , l'm a bit that way. Keep away from the courts if things are ok between you l reckon, she'll probably sign soon.

l know that respect problem to. There was one thing in mine that always meant the world to me. And if can insist on one thing in a new women this would be it but tell you what , pretty rare quality l'm finding out.


----------



## Pbartender

muskrat said:


> Where is everyone? It is Monday morning, this thread should be overflowing with everyone's weekend stories.


My Ex finally refinanced the mortgage.


----------



## whitehawk

Turns out the " hey baby " text from AF the other night was for me l reckon .

l've had since , hey gorgeous , hey sweetie , darlin and a few other goodies.

Maybe she hopes our friendship is becoming more .


----------



## whitehawk

Pbartender said:


> My Ex finally refinanced the mortgage.




Wow , that's big isn't it , final . How long have you been split for again PB ?

Wish mine wanted this place , l can't be bothered with anything to do with it like this .


----------



## whitehawk

Had my d all wk/end so beautiful but quiet - in love anyway which is probably a good thing for me right now ..
We went to a market , Sat night we drove up to get Kentucky for tea- 30mins away. 
Poured rain all wkend , she was in heaven , she loves the rain .


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Turns out the " hey baby " text from AF the other night was for me l reckon .
> 
> l've had since , hey gorgeous , hey sweetie , darlin and a few other goodies.
> 
> Maybe she hopes our friendship is becoming more .



Those are awesome. I love the "hey baby" ones best, but "hey gorgeous" and "hey sexy" and "hey beautiful" are also nice. Once in a while, they tend to be followed by "what are you doing?" And "when are you gonna get over here and jump on it?" which make me laugh, but which also make me wanna. There's something incredibly delightful about such brazen flirtation; it's shameless, mirthful, bold, mildly ironic. Enjoy! And, now I'm going to have Pitbull's song "hey baby" in my head all day.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

It seemed like all I did this weekend was tons of yard work (yet never mowed) and being counselor to BFF (that title is debateable) and her Hubby and their kid. And errands and taking kiddo around. And it didn't help that ex was late. When I added an extra day I said I wanted her home between noon and 2. So at 11:15 I texted to find out what time we were meeting. I was trying to plan my day out a bit with the errands and planting stuff I needed to do. When I heard back at 12:30 he said she was still asleep (and he lives an hour away) and asked if 3 was OK. Heck, to be on time he'd have to wake her up and rush out the door in 30 minutes. NOooooo it never occurred to him to get her up at a reasonable time, say 10 or 10:30 so they would have time for breakfast AND an hour drive. I reminded him about the agreement but that 3 would have to be fine this time. 

He has to have her home by 9am on Mother's Day - how is he going to accomplish THAT? And you bet he'll be calling and asking with the "poor me I get so little time" and when that doesn't work "think of kiddo - that's so early" and make me look like I'm unreasonable wanting to stick to the order and actually see her at 9am on Mother's Day.

Rant done.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Those are awesome. I love the "hey baby" ones best, but "hey gorgeous" and "hey sexy" and "hey beautiful" are also nice. Once in a while, they tend to be followed by "what are you doing?" And "when are you gonna get over here and jump on it?" which make me laugh, but which also make me wanna. There's something incredibly delightful about such brazen flirtation; it's shameless, mirthful, bold, mildly ironic. Enjoy! And, now I'm going to have Pitbull's song "hey baby" in my head all day.



Haha , moxo your a lost cause :rofl:

But , l'm afraid if that's where she's headed the cupboard is bare for AF.
And again l think l must be mad. She's a great lady , so thoughtful , really nice looking , really supportive , very gentle in her way , loyal .
Any guy would be damn lucky to have her but again- nothin , nada , zilcho


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> It seemed like all I did this weekend was tons of yard work (yet never mowed) and being counselor to BFF (that title is debateable) and her Hubby and their kid. And errands and taking kiddo around. And it didn't help that ex was late. When I added an extra day I said I wanted her home between noon and 2. So at 11:15 I texted to find out what time we were meeting. I was trying to plan my day out a bit with the errands and planting stuff I needed to do. When I heard back at 12:30 he said she was still asleep (and he lives an hour away) and asked if 3 was OK. Heck, to be on time he'd have to wake her up and rush out the door in 30 minutes. NOooooo it never occurred to him to get her up at a reasonable time, say 10 or 10:30 so they would have time for breakfast AND an hour drive. I reminded him about the agreement but that 3 would have to be fine this time.
> 
> He has to have her home by 9am on Mother's Day - how is he going to accomplish THAT? And you bet he'll be calling and asking with the "poor me I get so little time" and when that doesn't work "think of kiddo - that's so early" and make me look like I'm unreasonable wanting to stick to the order and actually see her at 9am on Mother's Day.
> 
> Rant done.



But in all honesty Enjoli , doesn't sound like any biggies . Mothers day yeah but you know 9, she'd have to get up pretty early to get home by then and then, on a Sunday .
He is her dad and the more casual it all is the better for her , both . l mean you live with her don't you ?

Ours is really kick back and it helps my d soooo much, me, us, some kind of normal.
One of us is always late , or early , hours, or can we make it tomorrow , you name it.
Admittedly if it's late on my time, not crazy about it but eh, l'm only with her 1/3 of what ex so that's fair enough l reckon .


----------



## Pbartender

whitehawk said:


> Wow , that's big isn't it , final . How long have you been split for again PB ?


The divorce was final about 9 months ago.

It's very big. The last time I checked, she was 3 months late and $6,500 in hole with the mortgage. I'm quite honestly surprised she managed to qualify for a refinance, given the circumstances. The only thing I can figure is that she suckered someone into co-signing it with her.

It also means that I can now constructively work toward eliminating my debt, without having to worry about her torpedoing my efforts.


----------



## vi_bride04

I went on a date and had an amazing time. It was not disc golf hat though. I think he was too busy playing video games to want to hang out.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> Where is everyone? It is Monday morning, this thread should be overflowing with everyone's weekend stories.


I got laid. Three times. It was a productive weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> But in all honesty Enjoli , doesn't sound like any biggies . Mothers day yeah but you know 9, she'd have to get up pretty early to get home by then and then, on a Sunday .
> He is her dad and the more casual it all is the better for her , both . l mean you live with her don't you ?
> 
> Ours is really kick back and it helps my d soooo much, me, us, some kind of normal.
> One of us is always late , or early , hours, or can we make it tomorrow , you name it.
> Admittedly if it's late on my time, not crazy about it but eh, l'm only with her 1/3 of what ex so that's fair enough l reckon .


It IS a big deal considering he took her from me and kept her away for a month and tried to turn her against me. So he has limited contact with her for a reason. It took one month to get her to believe I was the devil reincarnate and THREE YEARS to get our relationship back on track after severely limiting his time and influence. He only gets the extra day because I let him so the least he can do is be on time. We started off 50/50 - he was the one who screwed that up.

I have stuff to do and I plan my day accordingly and I want some of my weekend to be with her. I make an effort to be on time everywhere I go. Being on time DOES matter. I have to stop what I'm doing, clean up, drive 10 minutes to pick her up and sit there and wait for another 10 or 15 because he is usually late. HE choose to move an hour away to live with his mother. 

He gets her every other weekend AND every other Friday night now. He makes NO effort to keep her on a schedule - she has to get up at 5:30am on school days so letting her sleep past noon on a weekend only makes it hard for her to go to sleep when she needs to. Therefore getting up on Sunday morning would, in fact, help her adjust to having to be up at 5:30 the following morning.

Being late is NOT fair. It's not fair to the parent who has to adjust their schedule. There is a schedule for a reason - so everyone knows what to expect.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks JB. The whole thing just frustrates me. It just feels like further proof that I am only attracted to men who are wrong for me. I have hit a point now that I dont even really want to try.


Have you done any individual counseling? Do you really think you are only attracted to people who are "bad" for you or are they good to you in the beginning and then change over? Or do you ignore red flags? Get to the meat of it.

I am not one to sacrifice a spark, though. Because I truly think one needs that spark that sets that one person apart from everyone else. I can have male friends but if I feel zero romantic notion toward them, w hat is the point of even being in a relationship with them? I want to desire kiss someone, not recoil or try to get away from them. I've heard the saying before that one should marry someone who they aren't necessarily ga-ga for but treats them well but they aren't crazy about. To me, that is settling. You know, Mr. Ex Jelly and I were together many years and eventhough we divorced, there is no one else that I would have wanted to take a stab at marriage with. Why? Because we were crazy about eachother. Sure, it ended, but there was a magic that set our relationship apart from any other that I'd had/have. I think you need to feel some passion for your partner.

Go out with the guy again, 3x and see how you feel. Maybe you will change your mind. Maybe you won't.

All I know is last night (adding on to my dating story from the last page), when the guy went to kiss me, I felt myself backing off. I did not want to kiss or make out with him or anything. I wanted to talk. Like, he pulled this smooth move where if it were someone else, my head probably would have been in a cloud but I just felt...nothing. I just wanted to stop it. That's not good, right?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I am not one to sacrifice a spark, though. Because I truly think one needs that spark that sets that one person apart from everyone else. I can have male friends but if I feel zero romantic notion toward them, w hat is the point of even being in a relationship with them? I want to desire kiss someone, not recoil or try to get away from them.* I've heard the saying before that one should marry someone who they aren't necessarily ga-ga for but treats them well but they aren't crazy about. To me, that is settling. * You know, Mr. Ex Jelly and I were together many years and eventhough we divorced, there is no one else that I would have wanted to take a stab at marriage with. Why? Because we were crazy about eachother. Sure, it ended, but there was a magic that set our relationship apart from any other that I'd had/have. I think you need to feel some passion for your partner.


I did this with my ex. I never felt a "spark" with him. Nothing. Everyone (including himself) thought he was the bees knees. 

Anyways, I remember he would ask me why I married him and I always answered "B/c you can fix things" I honestly couldn't bring myself to be enthusiastic about what other qualities he had that attracted me to him. 

I don't know, but spark is huge. If you don't feel it dont' try to force it. At all. It's not worth it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Have you done any individual counseling? Do you really think you are only attracted to people who are "bad" for you or are they good to you in the beginning and then change over? Or do you ignore red flags? Get to the meat of it.
> 
> I am not one to sacrifice a spark, though. Because I truly think one needs that spark that sets that one person apart from everyone else. I can have male friends but if I feel zero romantic notion toward them, w hat is the point of even being in a relationship with them? I want to desire kiss someone, not recoil or try to get away from them. I've heard the saying before that one should marry someone who they aren't necessarily ga-ga for but treats them well but they aren't crazy about. To me, that is settling. You know, Mr. Ex Jelly and I were together many years and eventhough we divorced, there is no one else that I would have wanted to take a stab at marriage with. Why? Because we were crazy about eachother. Sure, it ended, but there was a magic that set our relationship apart from any other that I'd had/have. I think you need to feel some passion for your partner.
> 
> Go out with the guy again, 3x and see how you feel. Maybe you will change your mind. Maybe you won't.
> 
> All I know is last night (adding on to my dating story from the last page), *when the guy went to kiss me, I felt myself backing off. I did not want to kiss or make out with him or anything. I wanted to talk. Like, he pulled this smooth move where if it were someone else, my head probably would have been in a cloud but I just felt...nothing. I just wanted to stop it. That's not good, right? *


Thank you for this!  My previous relationships have been both, red flags ignored, and the other person changing on me. My second XH pulled a bait and switch on me big time. 

The part I bolded...that is exactly how I felt with this guy! I kissed him back, but didnt want to, and just wanted it to be over with!


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Haha , moxo your a lost cause :rofl:



I don't think I'm lost, just exploring. 

It's too bad that you're not into this woman. Of course, she may just be a generally affectionate person and not trying to get frisky. Some people are just that way. My sister is a total extrovert and might even call strangers "honey"; I, on the other hand, am a bit more icy and reserve bedroom words for people who I associate with bedroom things. Anyway, just see how it goes with your lady friend. Maybe she is nice and that's all it is.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> Have you done any individual counseling? Do you really think you are only attracted to people who are "bad" for you or are they good to you in the beginning and then change over? Or do you ignore red flags? Get to the meat of it.
> 
> I am not one to sacrifice a spark, though. Because I truly think one needs that spark that sets that one person apart from everyone else. I can have male friends but if I feel zero romantic notion toward them, w hat is the point of even being in a relationship with them? I want to desire kiss someone, not recoil or try to get away from them. I've heard the saying before that one should marry someone who they aren't necessarily ga-ga for but treats them well but they aren't crazy about. To me, that is settling. You know, Mr. Ex Jelly and I were together many years and eventhough we divorced, there is no one else that I would have wanted to take a stab at marriage with. Why? Because we were crazy about eachother. Sure, it ended, but there was a magic that set our relationship apart from any other that I'd had/have. I think you need to feel some passion for your partner.
> 
> Go out with the guy again, 3x and see how you feel. Maybe you will change your mind. Maybe you won't.
> 
> All I know is last night (adding on to my dating story from the last page), when the guy went to kiss me, I felt myself backing off. I did not want to kiss or make out with him or anything. I wanted to talk. Like, he pulled this smooth move where if it were someone else, my head probably would have been in a cloud but I just felt...nothing. I just wanted to stop it. That's not good, right?


JB. I hear what you are saying. However, many relationships take different routes. My gf, for example, I really was kind of "meh" from a spark perspective when we first met. She was super fun, though, and just so easy to be with in addition to being fantastic at socializing. It really wasn't until about 2 months into it when I kept noticing how she handled situations, other people, and her maturity through some things. It was her heart that was so fantastic. It started to grow from there. Now, I just want to grab her every time I see her. Literally, I can't keep my hands off of her.

There is a fondness there, a sweetness between us that I really don't remember having with my ex. On the other hand, my ex and I had fireworks popping like CRAZY from the first second. 

It's not saying one way is right or wrong.......just different.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Thank you for this!  My previous relationships have been both, red flags ignored, and the other person changing on me. My second XH pulled a bait and switch on me big time.
> 
> The part I bolded...that is exactly how I felt with this guy! I kissed him back, but didnt want to, and just wanted it to be over with!



Obligatory make outs are no fun for the polite person and insulting to the one who wants it more. How would you feel if you kissed a guy you liked and found out that he just kissed you to make you go away; kinda mortifying. If you're not feeling it, kiss his cheek instead and don't give him mixed signals.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Thank you for this!  My previous relationships have been both, red flags ignored, and the other person changing on me. *My second XH pulled a bait and switch on me big time. *
> 
> The part I bolded...that is exactly how I felt with this guy! I kissed him back, but didnt want to, and just wanted it to be over with!


Me too!!! He pretended to be the guy I wanted, to get me to fall in love with him and marry him, and then after we got married, he let the mask fall and it turned out he wasn't anything like what he claimed to be.


----------



## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> JB. I hear what you are saying. However, many relationships take different routes. My gf, for example, I really was kind of "meh" from a spark perspective when we first met. She was super fun, though, and just so easy to be with in addition to being fantastic at socializing. It really wasn't until about 2 months into it when I kept noticing how she handled situations, other people, and her maturity through some things. It was her heart that was so fantastic. It started to grow from there. Now, I just want to grab her every time I see her. Literally, I can't keep my hands off of her.
> 
> There is a fondness there, a sweetness between us that I really don't remember having with my ex. On the other hand, my ex and I had fireworks popping like CRAZY from the first second.
> 
> It's not saying one way is right or wrong.......just different.


I think this is a really good point. I find that a man can either become more (or less) attractive as I get to know him better as a person.


----------



## jpr

I find that intense chemistry is not all that difficult to find...but it is hard to sustain.

Infatuation isnt all that rare or special.


For me, a love that starts off small and builds over time seems to burn the brightest and longest.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I think this is a really good point. I find that a man can either become more (or less) attractive as I get to know him better as a person.


I have found that to be true as well, but usually you find this happening with someone who you initially were not intending as a romantic partner. Does that make sense?? I have had this happen with a casual acquaintance before.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I did this with my ex. I never felt a "spark" with him. Nothing. Everyone (including himself) thought he was the bees knees.
> 
> I don't know, but spark is huge. If you don't feel it dont' try to force it. At all. It's not worth it.


Eek. See, I can't even imagine MARRYING someone you don't feel it for so I feel for ya, Vi. 



3Xnocharm said:


> The part I bolded...that is exactly how I felt with this guy! I kissed him back, but didnt want to, and just wanted it to be over with!


I hear you. 



Dedicated2Her said:


> My gf, for example, I really was kind of "meh" from a spark perspective when we first met. It really wasn't until about 2 months into it when I kept noticing how she handled situations, other people, and her maturity through some things. It was her heart that was so fantastic. It started to grow from there. Now, I just want to grab her every time I see her. Literally, I can't keep my hands off of her.
> 
> There is a fondness there, a sweetness between us that I really don't remember having with my ex.


I think this is great for you, Dedicated. And I am glad to see it has worked out for you and you are enjoying her and the relationship.

For me,t his has never happened. If it's not there, it just isn't and I have found that it's not something I can create or that grows for me. There was a guy I dated for about a yer and a half that I never felt it with. Never. Then there is a guy who has liked me forever (years) and I always attempt to spend time with him to see if something will be felt on my end (he is great) but, years-in, still nothing.

I guess I am just not built that way.

With all my big loves, it just felt different. There was a different element in the air.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Whenever I hear the word "spark" I throw up a little in my mouth.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> With all my big loves, it just felt different. There was a different element in the air.


:iagree:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Have you done any individual counseling? Do you really think you are only attracted to people who are "bad" for you or are they good to you in the beginning and then change over? Or do you ignore red flags? Get to the meat of it.
> 
> I am not one to sacrifice a spark, though. Because I truly think one needs that spark that sets that one person apart from everyone else. I can have male friends but if I feel zero romantic notion toward them, w hat is the point of even being in a relationship with them? I want to desire kiss someone, not recoil or try to get away from them. I've heard the saying before that one should marry someone who they aren't necessarily ga-ga for but treats them well but they aren't crazy about. To me, that is settling. You know, Mr. Ex Jelly and I were together many years and eventhough we divorced, there is no one else that I would have wanted to take a stab at marriage with. Why? Because we were crazy about eachother. Sure, it ended, but there was a magic that set our relationship apart from any other that I'd had/have. I think you need to feel some passion for your partner.
> 
> *Go out with the guy again, 3x and see how you feel. Maybe you will change your mind. Maybe you won't.*
> 
> All I know is last night (adding on to my dating story from the last page), when the guy went to kiss me, I felt myself backing off. I did not want to kiss or make out with him or anything. I wanted to talk. Like, he pulled this smooth move where if it were someone else, my head probably would have been in a cloud but I just felt...nothing. I just wanted to stop it. That's not good, right?


Yes, go out with him again.

I need a spark too. I need to feel wanted, desired, and I need to want them. 

Oh btw, last night, I got on tinder with a fake profile and it was so freaking hillarious!!

I was acting like a gold digger with one guy, he offered to pay my car and "take care of me"
With another guy, i was plain stupid, calling ugly people stupid, really mean and rude, he wanted me to come over and have dinner wiht him.
Third guy was hillarious!!! I acted dumb..
It was so funny!!

And before you all bash me for toying with these men's emotions, let me tell you!! Any intelligent man would have known I was ****ing around. Not being serious, unless of course, there are many women out there who really act the way I acted?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Well, I've done it once again. Went on a date with a guy (a couple by now) who joked about marrying me but kept mentioning it. I seem to meet guys who either disappear on me or want to marry me. There is hardly ever an in betweeen. What gives? They say we attract who we are but I am the antithesis to marriage so it's not that. I felt nothing when he kissed me. Or granted a little like ooh lala but not sustainable. The whole time I kept thinking, I would have rather been kissing Grandpa. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That is so strange. There has to be men out there that don't want to get married. 
And of course there is not going to be spark after the date if he's telling you all the wrong things the entire time.

Why don't you put straight up in your profile that you don't want to get married, you want a fck buddy but you don't want just a fck buddy because they have to be monogamous, and date every once in awhile but go home to his place afterwards(for the most part).....
Oh and they have to be rich and attractive of course 

Seriously...I'm not joking, put exactly what you want in your profile cause you just keep striking out anyway with what is going on now.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Where is everyone? It is Monday morning, this thread should be overflowing with everyone's weekend stories.





moxy said:


> Muskrat, I worked all weekend, so: no stories from me. The thread is surprisingly quiet this morning, though.


I was up until 3am getting some  So she went to work this morning and I came home and fell asleep on my couch.....whoops cause I have work to do lol


----------



## Jellybeans

And dude just texted me telling me how relaxing my kisses were. How can they be relaxing for him and I felt nothing? Eek.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Why don't you put straight up in your profile that you don't want to get married, you want a fck buddy but you don't want just a fck buddy because they have to be monogamous, and date every once in awhile but go home to his place afterwards(for the most part).....
> Oh and they have to be rich and attractive of course
> 
> .


I want that for now, but no emotions or feelings.

My mind changes a lot though, so who knows....


EDIT!!! I lie,
I do want a fck buddy, but i want some sort of emotions there. I want him to be committed to me, I do not want to get married, but I want to be able to call him at 3am because I had a nightmare and I want him to answer his phone and sooth my fears. I do not want to move in with him. I do not want to "take care of him"
But I would like to see him every day and crash at his place whenever I feel like it. 

Is this a relationship?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> That is so strange. There has to be men out there that don't want to get married.


It is the story of my life. This guy was even joking about me moving in with him! 

I am telling you: I either get the ones who think I am their The One or the ones who I think are into me and then disappear w/o nary a word. There is NO in between. It's fcking weird.

One year I got proposed to twice!
And of course there is not going to be spark after the date if he's telling you all the wrong things the entire time.



Another Planet said:


> Why don't you put straight up in your profile that you don't want to get married, you want a fck buddy but you don't want just a fck buddy because they have to be monogamous, and date every once in awhile but go home to his place afterwards(for the most part).....
> Oh and they have to be rich and attractive of course


Omg this is epic. Can you imagine. But I am not on dating sites. THis is all from people I've met in real life. Oh and you know how you said that I sounded confusing with what a I wante--that you couldn't figure it out? Well you just summed it up - No marriage, but a lover who I date sometimes & goes home afterwards. Bye!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

06Daddio08 said:


> Whenever I hear the word "spark" I throw up a little in my mouth.


Chemistry? Tingle? That thing that makes you feel you aren't kissing a relative?


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I was up until 3am getting some  So she went to work this morning and I came home and fell asleep on my couch.....whoops cause I have work to do lol


Good going sir
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Chemistry? Tingle? That thing that makes you feel you aren't kissing a relative?


:rofl:

Exactly. I do not want to feel like I am kissing a relative. I want to feel like I am kissing someone who is FAR from a relative.


----------



## Dollystanford

I don't want someone to find my kisses relaxing! I want them to have the opposite effect ha ha

And I'm the same Jelly, sorry to make you throw up in your mouth Daddio but if I don't feel it when I first meet you it's unlikely to grow.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



EnjoliWoman said:


> Chemistry? Tingle? That thing that makes you feel you aren't kissing a relative?


Haha. It's been so long (even while I was married) that those feelings are foreign to me.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I was up until 3am getting some  So she went to work this morning and I came home and fell asleep on my couch.....whoops cause I have work to do lol


I'm wearing my weekend clothes at work.


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> I find that intense chemistry is not all that difficult to find...but it is hard to sustain.


Just goes to show how different we all are. It is extremely rare for me to find a chemistry or spark with someone. Like seriously, needle in a haystack. It almost never happens.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha. It's been so long (even while I was married) that those feelings are foreign to me.


It's easy. Just follow Sebastian's advice:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> It's easy. Just follow Sebastian's advice.


That made me laugh.


----------



## Another Planet

Personally if I am not ready for chemistry to happen it wouldn't happen even with the perfect match.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Personally if I am not ready for chemistry to happen it wouldn't happen even with the perfect match.


Haha yeah exactly and finding a match is like a needle in a haystack.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Personally if I am not ready for chemistry to happen it wouldn't happen even with the perfect match.


That just means they aren't the perfect match. It *always *happens when I least expect it. It's like, ZING!


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> I was up until 3am getting some  So she went to work this morning and I came home and fell asleep on my couch.....whoops cause I have work to do lol


I am confused. :scratchhead: Didn't you say you were/are the OM to your GF? If so why the heck are you still seeing her? Maybe I just got all mixed up and have mistaken your current relationship for a different one. If so I will apologize in advance.


----------



## muskrat

If by spark you mean I can tell after a few hours together if she is someone I could see myself in a relationship with, then I also need that. I can usually tell pretty fast if I have a future or not with someone.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> I don't want someone to find my kisses relaxing! I want them to have the opposite effect ha ha
> 
> And I'm the same Jelly, sorry to make you throw up in your mouth Daddio but if I don't feel it when I first meet you it's unlikely to grow.


Haha. I think he meant it in the way that he was ablet o relax so much after our date ended because of my kisses...

And this is how I feel Dolly - if it ain't there, that feeling, it's just to going to happen.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> If by spark you mean I can tell after a few hours together if she is someone I could see myself in a relationship with, then I also need that. I can usually tell pretty fast if I have a future or not with someone.


See, I guess some of us are just built a different way. I know pretty early on. It just feels totally different. And because it is so rare, that is how I know it's special/different/not run-of-the-mill. It's what makes it stand apart.


----------



## muskrat

The hard part is finding someone who you share a mutual interest with.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> The hard part is finding someone who you share a mutual interest with.


My biggest thing is enough mutual interest but with the ability to do things alone.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> My biggest thing is enough mutual interest but with the ability to do things alone.


This is the [email protected] truth.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I am confused. :scratchhead: Didn't you say you were/are the OM to your GF? If so why the heck are you still seeing her? Maybe I just got all mixed up and have mistaken your current relationship for a different one. If so I will apologize in advance.


Hmmm I guess lets say her communication skills are lacking and she was making some stupid assumptions about me and not listening to what I was telling her. I gave up even talking to her Saturday cause it was just pointless and she freaked out and called her friend so yesterday her friend got a hold of me after she smacked my GF with a 2x4 for being dumb about things and cleaned everything up.

I was OM at first, like the entire time we talked before our first date and into our first and even second date.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I know. I meant it more like that I wouldn't know what to even do in a normal relationship.
> Honestly, I have not been in a serious relationship where I was actually the one and only :scratchhead:
> ...I just kind of realized that or maybe just admitted it to myself I guess.
> 
> Going backwards in time...
> Current GF- I was OM


This is the post I was referencing. If you were/are the OM you should have dropped her like a hot potato!!
How can you ever trust her to be faithful to you?


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> This is the post I was referencing. If you were/are the OM you should have dropped her like a hot potato!!
> How can you ever trust her to be faithful to you?


If I am ever again I am gone, I am not ever going to be plan B or second again. I will rather be alone.


----------



## muskrat

I'm sorry, but if I know someone has no moral qualms with cheating, I'm gone. I trusted someone who was unfaithful in their past. She said it was a mistake and she wasn't really like that. Well 10 years and 2 kids later, guess what, she was like that. NEVER AGAIN!!! Once a cheater always a cheater. I just couldn't trust a person with a history of cheating.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> This is the [email protected] truth.


I of course have no idea how to achieve this. Lol.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> The hard part is finding someone who you share a mutual interest with.





06Daddio08 said:


> My biggest thing is enough mutual interest but with the ability to do things alone.





Dedicated2Her said:


> This is the [email protected] truth.





06Daddio08 said:


> I of course have no idea how to achieve this. Lol.


I have no idea how it happens either.
How do you luck out and find someone with all the personality qualities you need AND actually be physically attracted to them? It is seriously like 1 out of a million.

I think some people do have unrealistic expectations though. Like having everything in common but then wanting space but not realizing that you need different interests so you and the other person actually have other things they can do. 
I mean think about it, how can you have everything in common but not end up doing everything together? 
I personally think men do better when they have there own **** separate from the woman. For one it keeps the woman interested because of the mystery aspect and for another having everything in common is what her BFF is for not her man.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Hmmm I guess *lets say her communication skills are lacking and she was making some stupid assumptions about me and not listening to what I was telling her.* I gave up even talking to her Saturday cause it was just pointless and *she freaked out and called her friend so yesterday her friend got a hold of me after she smacked my GF with a 2x4 for being dumb about things and cleaned everything up.*
> 
> *I was OM at first, like the entire time we talked before our first date and into our first and even second date.*


All bolded parts are big red flags and why you should not get involved long term with bleacher. 

#1. Communication issues
#2. Having her friend resolve the conflict between you 2 (what is this, high school?)
#3. You being the OM and her not being truly single before her first date with you. 

You are setting yourself up for alot of heartache if you do eventually get feelings for this one AP. She shows all the signs of being a betrayer.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't know if she is showing signs of being a betrayer but I do think it's messed up about the OM thing and her constantly bring up the ex boyfriend. It is unattractive.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Another Planet said:


> I have no idea how it happens either.
> How do you luck out and find someone with all the personality qualities you need AND actually be physically attracted to them? It is seriously like 1 out of a million.
> 
> I think some people do have unrealistic expectations though. Like having everything in common but then wanting space but not realizing that you need different interests so you and the other person actually have other things they can do.
> I mean think about it, how can you have everything in common but not end up doing everything together?
> I personally think men do better when they have there own **** separate from the woman. For one it keeps the woman interested because of the mystery aspect and for another having everything in common is what her BFF is for not her man.



Well, I ran through girls like crazy in the beginning of my dating because all of them wanted my attention. Undivided attention. It was INSANE. It wasn't until I met my gf that I really was able to see what a self confident, secure, happy, and complete individual woman was like. It's very nice. We see each other about 3 times a week. We do spend non kid weekends together, but we have our own activities. For instance, this weekend I have a partner crossfit competition with another girl from our gym. I am going to do that, then go to lunch with another team from our gym. All while, she goes and plays in her tennis playoffs. Then, we will meet up in the afternoon, grab the boat, and get on the lake........ 

This was never an option with my ex or any other dating partner......I don't get why. I just don't. SO, I found this treasure........not letting this one get away. lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I don't know if she is showing signs of being a betrayer but I do think it's messed up about the OM thing and her constantly bring up the ex boyfriend. It is unattractive.


Without proper communication skills, needs will not be met eventually and if she has already used AP as the OM type person she really has no boundaries when it comes to the OS.

Communication issues + Needs not met + questionable boundaries = a greater chance of cheating


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I have no idea how it happens either.
> How do you luck out and find someone with all the personality qualities you need AND actually be physically attracted to them? It is seriously like 1 out of a million.


Want, not need.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I don't know if she is showing signs of being a betrayer but I do think it's messed up about the OM thing and her constantly bring up the ex boyfriend. It is unattractive.


I am going one step further and say I dont like your girlfriend.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol, NE.

Good summation, Vi. I do think that poor communication is not good.

The ex boyfriend thing is annoying as fck. I dated a guy who would not stfu about his ex girlfriend and that is why we stopped dating. It's just...weird.


----------



## bandit.45

So I don't understand AP. Is your GF married or not?

Has the divorce petition been filed? I guess what I'm asking is: where is she along in her D process?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

OK so check it out!!

I want to text blue eyes, but then I ask myself why??

Because I am lonely.
Because I want to get laid. 
Because I feel I was rejected.

In true honesty, if I wasnt rejected, or if I was super into him, i would have found a way to **** it up. I am definitely not ready for a commited relationship. 

Gosh!!! Honestly cannot wait for my IC appointment! I am kinda excited haha


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yep 2 in the last 2mths.
> like you , 3x l think it is too, l dunno , l worry l'm blocking it . lt shoulda happened for me with either of these 2 , l still can't really work out why it didn't.
> l'm blaming the ex factor .
> 
> But lf l was to decide and try again with one of them , l risk having to hurt her again and l don't want to do that.


Well, the ex factor was the reason last year...

She's definitely one of the hotter dates; tall, smooth long legs with silky black hair. Her along with my ex's past friend, I have fond memories of their company... especially compared to who I've been seeing recently.

Bah!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I want to text blue eyes, but then I ask myself why??


Don't. He already told he he wasn't into you and you said yourself you weren't feeling him. 

Just remember that.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well, I hold in my hands the affidavit that gives my lawyer the go ahead with getting the divorce done. Sign it and mail it out tomorrow.

This would've tossed me for a loop a year ago.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> OK so check it out!!
> 
> I want to text blue eyes, but then I ask myself why??
> 
> Because I am lonely.
> Because I want to get laid.
> Because I feel I was rejected.
> 
> In true honesty, if I wasnt rejected, or if I was super into him, i would have found a way to **** it up. I am definitely not ready for a commited relationship.
> 
> Gosh!!! Honestly cannot wait for my IC appointment! I am kinda excited haha


Are you a chaser or a chasee? I think the third reason is the right one. I'm a chaser too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> And dude just texted me telling me how relaxing my kisses were. How can they be relaxing for him and I felt nothing? Eek.


Is relaxing good? :sleeping:

I want my kisses to fire someone up!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Are you a chaser or a chasee? I think the third reason is the right one. I'm a chaser too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am a chaser! I would find Waldo in a second, Carmen SanDiego in like 10 seconds!!!

Yeah, i am definitely a chaser, I have been communicating with someone for about two months now, he is kinda needy, clingy, texts me all the time, and I am not into him at all!!


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Without proper communication skills, needs will not be met eventually and if she has already used AP as the OM type person she really has no boundaries when it comes to the OS.
> 
> Communication issues + Needs not met + questionable boundaries = a greater chance of cheating


Not that I am trying to defend her I am just clarifying. I laugh when she calls him her BF cause they really weren't an item of any quality, he lived an hour away and they saw each other in person rarely and I mean like they actually saw each other a hand full of times during their so called relationship. Having the title of relationship but not actually having the relationship does not a relationship make. 
BUT she seems to think so and that is actually all that matters, because she was involved in her mind with someone and she was initiating with me.

She meets my needs VERY well, she just made some assumptions that weren't true and wasn't listening to me. Plus like I said she has a ton of stuff going on right now. Just because I wanted attention doesn't mean I get it ALL the time, but I am allowed to be irritated about it.



Jellybeans said:


> Lol, NE.
> 
> Good summation, Vi. I do think that poor communication is not good.
> 
> The ex boyfriend thing is annoying as fck. I dated a guy who would not stfu about his ex girlfriend and that is why we stopped dating. It's just...weird.


It's cleared for now anyway. I think she got the point that I don't want to hear it.



bandit.45 said:


> So I don't understand AP. Is your GF married or not?
> 
> Has the divorce petition been filed? I guess what I'm asking is: where is she along in her D process?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not married anymore, she was divorced well over a year ago. Like I said above this was a so called boyfriend she had...honestly probably just a guy she had an infatuation with and he saw it as just a fck buddy. The naivety of women sometimes baffles me.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I am a chaser! I would find Waldo in a second, Carmen SanDiego in like 10 seconds!!!
> 
> Yeah, i am definitely a chaser, I have been communicating with someone for about two months now, he is kinda needy, clingy, texts me all the time, and I am not into him at all!!


Yep. You and I are peas in a pod. That's me. 

Problem with Syrian is I chased her for a month, she reciprocated fatster than I anticipated, and now that I have her and she's acting like she wants to go exclusive, I'm suddenly not as excited about being with her for the long run.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Not married anymore, she was divorced well over a year ago. Like I said above this was a so called boyfriend she had...honestly probably just a guy she had an infatuation with and he saw it as just a fck buddy. The naivety of women sometimes baffles me.


:iagree:

Thats me!!!

holding me all night long, holding my hand during the movies, caressing my legs, hands, face, etc...

but no emotions and feelings. So yeah, I see life very black and white but am beginning to see the gray side


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Thats me!!!
> *
> holding me all night long, holding my hand during the movies, caressing my legs, hands, face, etc...
> 
> but no emotions and feelings*. So yeah, I see life very black and white but am beginning to see the gray side


Ne, you seriously need to figure out what it is you want or need. This is the kind of crap I went through with NoChem....do you really want to be like him??


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, you seriously need to figure out what it is you want or need. This is the kind of crap I went through with NoChem....do you really want to be like him??


Maybe I am not understanding

*He* would hold me all night long, would kiss all over my face, my eyes, nose, top of my forehead etc. 
Would reach out for me in the middle of the night, just to hold me.
At the movies, he would hold my hand, caress my face, etc

Oh and a few days before he ended it, he wanted me to rush from out of town to come see him.

But *HE said*, he doesnt do feelings, and it was better to end it before too many feeling and emotions got involved.

I agreed to end it because I am not begging anyone. Plus, he doesnt do emotions, and I was already having some feelings for him.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Maybe I am not understanding
> 
> *He* would hold me all night long, would kiss all over my face, my eyes, nose, top of my forehead etc.
> Would reach out for me in the middle of the night, just to hold me.
> At the movies, he would hold my hand, caress my face, etc
> 
> Oh and a few days before he ended it, he wanted me to rush from out of town to come see him.
> 
> But *HE said*, he doesnt do feelings, and it was better to end it before too many feeling and emotions got involved.
> 
> I agreed to end it because I am not begging anyone. Plus, he doesnt do emotions, and I was already having some feelings for him.


Ok I thought you were referring to YOURSELF in that other post. Its good that you ended it then, I wish he had done that for me.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Maybe I am not understanding
> 
> *He* would hold me all night long, would kiss all over my face, my eyes, nose, top of my forehead etc.
> Would reach out for me in the middle of the night, just to hold me.
> At the movies, he would hold my hand, caress my face, etc
> 
> Oh and a few days before he ended it, he wanted me to rush from out of town to come see him.
> 
> But *HE said*, he doesnt do feelings, and it was better to end it before too many feeling and emotions got involved.
> 
> I agreed to end it because I am not begging anyone. Plus, he doesnt do emotions, and I was already having some feelings for him.


Well, that's just weird. You do all those things when you have feelings. Otherwise, you get up and go home...you generally don't stay the night, cuddling.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> Well, that's just weird. You do all those things when you have feelings. Otherwise, you get up and go home...you generally don't stay the night, cuddling.


YES. THANK YOU!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Maybe I am not understanding
> 
> *He* would hold me all night long, would kiss all over my face, my eyes, nose, top of my forehead etc.
> Would reach out for me in the middle of the night, just to hold me.
> At the movies, he would hold my hand, caress my face, etc
> 
> Oh and a few days before he ended it, he wanted me to rush from out of town to come see him.
> 
> But *HE said*, he doesnt do feelings, and it was better to end it before too many feeling and emotions got involved.
> 
> I agreed to end it because I am not begging anyone. Plus, he doesnt do emotions, and I was already having some feelings for him.


What a dyckhead! Leading someone on is just so mean.
"I don't do feelings"...that's a crock of ****, he is just being a ***** about it. Honestly makes him sound weak, he's isn't strong enough to handle emotions is what it sounds like to me.



3Xnocharm said:


> Ok I thought you were referring to YOURSELF in that other post. Its good that you ended it then, I wish he had done that for me.


Yeah, I was confused too.


----------



## lisab0105

Wait, AP...not to beat a dead horse or anything...but didn't you meet her on Match? So, she had a profile on Match, talks to you endlessly for months, all the while she has a guy she calls "boyfriend" right up until your second date; and you don't have a problem still seeing her? 

AP, she is a cheater. I don't care if the guy lived an hour away or on f*cking Jupiter...she cheated on her boyfriend. What on earth makes her trustworthy? What makes her desirable aside from being good in the sack? She is a liar. Why aren't you running for the hills like your @ss is on fire?


----------



## vi_bride04

lisab0105 said:


> Wait, AP...not to beat a dead horse or anything...but didn't you meet her on Match? So, she had a profile on Match, talks to you endlessly for months, all the while she has a guy she calls "boyfriend" right up until your second date; and you don't have a problem still seeing her?
> 
> AP, she is a cheater. I don't care if the guy lived an hour away or on f*cking Jupiter...she cheated on her boyfriend. What on earth makes her trustworthy? What makes her desirable aside from being good in the sack? She is a liar. Why aren't you running for the hills like your @ss is on fire?


:iagree: 

If they agreed they were boyfriend/girlfriend, no matter the frequency of seeing each other, no matter the distance, she made a commitment to him and was breaking it by trolling Match and meeting you!


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> Well, that's just weird. You do all those things when you have feelings. Otherwise, you get up and go home...you generally don't stay the night, cuddling.


Yeah, it confused the hell out of me too. He seemed really into me, and all that good stuff. He laughed at my jokes, was attentive, gave me that stare (you all know), but in the end it doesnt even matter because it ended. 
Once again, i am overanalyzing because I am bored. I need to get a hold of my boredom 



Another Planet said:


> What a dyckhead! Leading someone on is just so mean.
> "I don't do feelings"...that's a crock of ****, he is just being a ***** about it. Honestly makes him sound weak, he's isn't strong enough to handle emotions is what it sounds like to me.
> 
> .


He is divorced, told me from the get go, he felt trapped in a relationship,
I am just kind of confused with his behavior. But I am fine without him.

EDIT: THat is why I think I am naive, or he is a player, and or both.
More than likely he is a player and was done with me.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> He laughed at my jokes, was attentive, gave me that stare *(you all know)*



Haha. Made me laugh. Yes, I do know exactly. 



Fenix said:


> Well, that's just weird. You do all those things when you have feelings. Otherwise, you get up and go home...you generally don't stay the night, cuddling.


One would certainly think so. I've been through the same damn thing. Guy coming off as if it's he into me, cuddling, kissing, spending long dates with me and kisses that lasted forever (so yum) only to have him disappear with nary a word and me left wondering if I said or did something wrong. I don't understand people. It hurts.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> One would certainly think so. I've been through the same damn thing. Guy coming off as if it's he into me, cuddling, kissing, spending long dates with me and kisses that lasted forever (so yum) only to have him disappear with nary a word and me left wondering if I said or did something wrong. I don't understand people. It hurts.


I got my explanation lol, HE doesnt do feelings, I was catching them!~


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I got my explanation lol, HE doesnt do feelings, I was catching them!~


 huh I don't get this :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I am confused. Cause Ne you said a few pages back that you were not that into him so it was fine when he cut it off...?

Sadly, I never got an explanation. I was just and am still to this day utterly perplexed and what went wrong. Also I got blue-balled. I was really hoping I would get to sleep with that guy and nope, he disappeared like a Jem hologram into thin air. I do not understand to this day.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> huh I don't get this :scratchhead:


lol
it all started last friday, I was going out of town and he was too.
So I sent him a text "Ok, I am going to miss you"

He replied with "uh oh"

to which I said "yeah, not good"
(Because I really did not want to have feelings for him!)

then he texts me with 
"I guess it is time to say goodbye before too many feelings and emotions get involved. I dont do feelings sorry  it was fun"

I said "yep totally agree"

that was the end.
Meaning, I was having feelings to him and he doesnt want that, he doesnt want to deal with feelings and that is why things ended.

I dont care to know why he doesnt want to have feelings, those are his opinions on life and I do not have the desire to investigate further. Maybe in the future I will want to know why he doesnt want to have feelings for me, but now, i am good.

It is just confusing!!!!! *And I am a chaser, he rejected me, so now I want him.*


----------



## Jellybeans

Well whenever we are rejected, it is normal to feel a sting and wonder why. In this case, he told you why (no spark for him) which is good I think. It's much worse when you don't know what the hell happened and they disappear w/o a trace.

But for the love of God, do not chase him, Ne. DO NOT.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well whenever we are rejected, it is normal to feel a sting and wonder why. In this case, he told you why (no spark for him) which is good I think. It's much worse when you don't know what the hell happened and they disappear w/o a trace.
> 
> But for the love of God, do not chase him, Ne. DO NOT.


I wont chase him.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> lol
> it all started last friday, I was going out of town and he was too.
> So I sent him a text "Ok, I am going to miss you"
> 
> He replied with "uh oh"
> 
> to which I said "yeah, not good"
> (Because I really did not want to have feelings for him!)
> 
> then he texts me with
> "I guess it is time to say goodbye before too many feelings and emotions get involved. I dont do feelings sorry  it was fun"
> 
> I said "yep totally agree"
> 
> that was the end.
> *Meaning, I was having feelings to him and he doesnt want that, he doesnt want to deal with feelings and that is why things ended.*
> 
> I dont care to know why he doesnt want to have feelings, those are his opinions on life and I do not have the desire to investigate further. Maybe in the future I will want to know why he doesnt want to have feelings for me, but now, i am good.
> 
> It is just confusing!!!!! *And I am a chaser, he rejected me, so now I want him.*


But YOU are the one who keeps insisting that there be no feelings, so whats up?


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> But YOU are the one who keeps insisting that there be no feelings, so whats up?


Let me try to explain, as it is confusing even for me.

My rational and emotional mind are at war. I keep insisting I do not want feelings because I do not want to settle down again, I do not want to be attached to someone the way it was with ex. I do not want to get hurt.

Yet, I cannot help it. This is how I am built. If I have sex with someone, eventually I will develop feelings. I have said this before, but I do need to find myself, make myself happy, love myself more, so I can fully invest my own feelings on someone else.


----------



## Jellybeans

So you know what the solution is, right? Stop having sex so soon if you know that is what puts you over the edge...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Let me try to explain, as it is confusing even for me.
> 
> My rational and emotional mind are at war. I keep insisting I do not want feelings because I do not want to settle down again, I do not want to be attached to someone the way it was with ex. I do not want to get hurt.
> 
> Yet, I cannot help it. *This is how I am built. If I have sex with someone, eventually I will develop feelings.* I have said this before, but I do need to find myself, make myself happy, love myself more, so I can fully invest my own feelings on someone else.


THIS is me too. 

Maybe you should just keep men OUT of your life for while, since this is how you are feeling. You are either going to be unfair to someone, or make things hard on yourself.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Let me try to explain, as it is confusing even for me.
> 
> My rational and emotional mind are at war. I keep insisting I do not want feelings because I do not want to settle down again, I do not want to be attached to someone the way it was with ex. I do not want to get hurt.
> 
> Yet, I cannot help it. This is how I am built. If I have sex with someone, eventually I will develop feelings. I have said this before, but I do need to find myself, make myself happy, love myself more, so I can fully invest my own feelings on someone else.


Sounds like a good and challenging IC could help.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> So you know what the solution is, right? Stop having sex so soon if you know that is what puts you over the edge...


yep
I need to keep my legs crossed


----------



## coffee4me

If you read this : keep up the good work with the smoking. I'll miss you . Kisses


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Wait, AP...not to beat a dead horse or anything...but didn't you meet her on Match? So, she had a profile on Match, talks to you endlessly for months, all the while she has a guy she calls "boyfriend" right up until your second date; and you don't have a problem still seeing her?
> 
> AP, she is a cheater. I don't care if the guy lived an hour away or on f*cking Jupiter...she cheated on her boyfriend. What on earth makes her trustworthy? What makes her desirable aside from being good in the sack? She is a liar. Why aren't you running for the hills like your @ss is on fire?





vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If they agreed they were boyfriend/girlfriend, no matter the frequency of seeing each other, no matter the distance, she made a commitment to him and was breaking it by trolling Match and meeting you!


Honestly I don't know. I don't really have anything to say about it. I have no idea how and why it doesn't bother me more. 
She is not just good in the sack, we have a connection I have never felt before. I can't describe it.

Last night the hello kiss turned into 5min of passionate kiss. Then we hung out and drank a few beers and talked for like 4hrs about everything and nothing. Then went to her bedroom and had sex until we both passed out from exhaustion.

I don't really care about her past, look at how ****ty my past is and what I have done and yet here I am. I don't know, I'm stupid maybe :scratchhead:


----------



## bandit.45

AP, she cheated on her exclusive boyfriend with you. Dude that's all you need to know. 

Enjoy the sex, but don't let yourself fall for this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> yep
> I need to keep my legs crossed


Eh....

We're all a bunch of slvts!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Eh....
> 
> We're all a bunch of slvts!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You said it not me LOL
But I am kind of slvtty


----------



## ne9907

Wish I was a slvt. seriously. I would be having the hottest sex with the hottest yummies men!

Will miss you, and yes, you must quit smoking!


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> It IS a big deal considering he took her from me and kept her away for a month and tried to turn her against me. So he has limited contact with her for a reason. It took one month to get her to believe I was the devil reincarnate and THREE YEARS to get our relationship back on track after severely limiting his time and influence. He only gets the extra day because I let him so the least he can do is be on time. We started off 50/50 - he was the one who screwed that up.
> 
> I have stuff to do and I plan my day accordingly and I want some of my weekend to be with her. I make an effort to be on time everywhere I go. Being on time DOES matter. I have to stop what I'm doing, clean up, drive 10 minutes to pick her up and sit there and wait for another 10 or 15 because he is usually late. HE choose to move an hour away to live with his mother.
> 
> He gets her every other weekend AND every other Friday night now. He makes NO effort to keep her on a schedule - she has to get up at 5:30am on school days so letting her sleep past noon on a weekend only makes it hard for her to go to sleep when she needs to. Therefore getting up on Sunday morning would, in fact, help her adjust to having to be up at 5:30 the following morning.
> 
> Being late is NOT fair. It's not fair to the parent who has to adjust their schedule. There is a schedule for a reason - so everyone knows what to expect.



When l say fair enough l mean she is late with me too , we both are, we keep it pretty loose and it works for us and especially helps my d cope in all this. we ring each other to and double check it's not gonna matter . She can come over to dads any time or go home early to mums to so they can go shopping on the wkend for once or something .
lt's also very hard for her to have to leave me sometimes so if she wants to stay a bit longer we're all good with that and it really picks her up
There's no games or hanky panky , l'm not having my d in a tug of war and we keep it very give and take. 
Sorry it's involved all that past stuff , it is hard to say anything about someones sitch without knowing the full story l know. So much comes into it with two people.

Anyway , l hope things are coming better with you and ex . That's they key to me .
Some other stuff l'd agree with some l still wouldn't but anyway.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I don't think I'm lost, just exploring.
> 
> It's too bad that you're not into this woman. Of course, she may just be a generally affectionate person and not trying to get frisky. Some people are just that way. My sister is a total extrovert and might even call strangers "honey"; I, on the other hand, am a bit more icy and reserve bedroom words for people who I associate with bedroom things. Anyway, just see how it goes with your lady friend. Maybe she is nice and that's all it is.



Nah that's not literally , it just means your a classic, all good


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Personally if I am not ready for chemistry to happen it wouldn't happen even with the perfect match.


Yeah , think this is goin on with me right now.


----------



## Another Planet

coffee4me said:


> If you read this : keep up the good work with the smoking. I'll miss you . Kisses





ne9907 said:


> Wish I was a slvt. seriously. I would be having the hottest sex with the hottest yummies men!
> 
> Will miss you, and yes, you must quit smoking!


Wth are you two talking about? Did I miss something?

OHHH are you guys talking about Conrad? I see he is recently banned. They are dropping like flies :/


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I have no idea how it happens either.
> How do you luck out and find someone with all the personality qualities you need AND actually be physically attracted to them? It is seriously like 1 out of a million.
> 
> I think some people do have unrealistic expectations though. Like having everything in common but then wanting space but not realizing that you need different interests so you and the other person actually have other things they can do.
> I mean think about it, how can you have everything in common but not end up doing everything together?
> I personally think men do better when they have there own **** separate from the woman. For one it keeps the woman interested because of the mystery aspect and for another having everything in common is what her BFF is for not her man.





Yep it's a tough call alright .

l do see heaps of women on date sites with a list right there a mile long. l always feel like emailing them and saying good luck in your new life alone.
l dunno what the guys write , every time l check a few out the next minute they're emailing me asking me out.
Hell of a lot of guys out there swinging boith ways it seems :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

coffee4me said:


> If you read this : keep up the good work with the smoking. I'll miss you . Kisses


What does this mean?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Wth are you two talking about? Did I miss something?


I missed it too.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I missed it too.


Check your pm's 
He was permabanned like last week and came back to say good bye.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> You said it not me LOL
> But I am kind of slvtty


Conan - Your All ****s - YouTube


----------



## bandit.45

My company is sending me to Denver for a small six week construction job starting this coming Monday. 7 days a week, no stops. Drop dead deadline. I fly out this Friday. 

I will be managing and superintending, so I have to write all the contracts, do all the contract change orders, all the while running the day to day operations of the job. 

Yay boy.....

So, I get to leave behind my hot little Syrian with no one to keep her company. So I guess she will find a replacement. 

Goddamm life aint fair.


----------



## muskrat

So much for her not texting me at night.  Today I also learned that she thinks I am a good kisser. :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> So much for her not texting me at night.  Today I also learned that she thinks I am a good kisser. :smthumbup:


So she broke her pattern and texted you this evening? I think you may be on to something here dear Rat.


----------



## muskrat

She has been texting me at all hours morning noon and night since we actually met. I think she was just holding back until we actually met in person. She also asked me to friend request her on FB. 
From what I can tell she is liking the rat. lol


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Yeah, it confused the hell out of me too. He seemed really into me, and all that good stuff. He laughed at my jokes, was attentive, gave me that stare (you all know), but in the end it doesnt even matter because it ended.
> Once again, i am overanalyzing because I am bored. I need to get a hold of my boredom
> 
> 
> 
> He is divorced, told me from the get go, he felt trapped in a relationship,
> I am just kind of confused with his behavior. But I am fine without him.
> 
> EDIT: THat is why I think I am naive, or he is a player, and or both.
> More than likely he is a player and was done with me.



No it's not confusing at all . See people like this , they do have a game. Maybe he was faking it or maybe he felt it but [email protected] himself and so cut and ran.
But the girls and guys both , can do this thing to get what they want , it's their performance , their game , it's auto feelings or not .
But he doesn't want that if it was real , he wants to stay free . 
So we may never know if it was real or if it was his game - unless he comes grovelling back and swearing his undying love .


----------



## whitehawk

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well, I ran through girls like crazy in the beginning of my dating because all of them wanted my attention. Undivided attention. It was INSANE. It wasn't until I met my gf that I really was able to see what a self confident, secure, happy, and complete individual woman was like. It's very nice. We see each other about 3 times a week. We do spend non kid weekends together, but we have our own activities. For instance, this weekend I have a partner crossfit competition with another girl from our gym. I am going to do that, then go to lunch with another team from our gym. All while, she goes and plays in her tennis playoffs. Then, we will meet up in the afternoon, grab the boat, and get on the lake........
> 
> This was never an option with my ex or any other dating partner......I don't get why. I just don't. SO, I found this treasure........not letting this one get away. lol




l was doing that to when l met my wife. 
This is why in a way l'm not worried about not feeling much right now.
Because back then l felt sweet FA for any of them , nothin, until l met my ex but then wammo , big time.

So , maybe l feel nothing because l just haven't met her yet , maybe it's as simple as that.
That wouldn't be surprising hell it's only been 18mths and l only hit the scene 2 mths ago and l haven't even resolved feelings for ex yet .

Hopefully for me and the others here with no fire in our belly about anyone , it's just as simple as that :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> My company is sending me to Denver for a small six week construction job starting this coming Monday. 7 days a week, no stops. Drop dead deadline. I fly out this Friday.
> 
> I will be managing and superintending, so I have to write all the contracts, do all the contract change orders, all the while running the day to day operations of the job.
> 
> Yay boy.....
> 
> So, I get to leave behind my hot little Syrian with no one to keep her company. So I guess she will find a replacement.
> 
> Goddamm life aint fair.


Damn, they had better make it worth it


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> So much for her not texting me at night.  Today I also learned that she thinks I am a good kisser.


I got the same text last night. Only I did not feel anything with the kiss and did not want to prolong it; I wanted to go home. And the guy told he wanted to see me this week which I told him I can't and then he gave an alternate date to which I didn't immediately respond and hew rote a sadface and texted "I will miss you until then." Made some more jokes about the future. He mentioned me meeting his mother on the date (we are a few dates in by now).

Yep. There is seriously *NO* in between with guys I date. Either they are super duper into me or seemingly into me and disappear into thin damn air. What am I doing in this life?


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> So, I get to leave behind my hot little Syrian with no one to keep her company. So I guess she will find a replacement.


Why do you think she will replace you? Insecurity on your part?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I got the same text last night. Only I did not feel anything with the kiss and did not want to prolong it; I wanted to go home. And the guy told he wanted to see me this week which I told him I can't and then he gave an alternate date to which I didn't immediately respond and hew rote a sadface and texted "I will miss you until then." Made some more jokes about the future. He mentioned me meeting his mother on the date (we are a few dates in by now).
> 
> Yep. There is seriously *NO* in between with guys I date. Either they are super duper into me or seemingly into me and disappear into thin damn air. What am I doing in this life?


:scratchhead: 
Seriously Jelly are you a 10 or something? How in the world do men fall so hard so fast? Wanting you to meet his mother wtf is up with that lol
Plus that is just weird anyway. What kind of guy makes marriage comments so soon? Has he never been married before? Fckn crazy man yikes, wtf are some of these guys thinking?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol, AP. I first read that as "Are you 10" (as in 10 yrs old). I was like, Huh? 

It is the mystery of my life: trying to figure out why there simply seems to be no in between... it's like they are either balls to the wall crazy about me or SEEM like they like me and then POOF.

Mr. Ex Jelly said the day he met me he knew he was going to marry me and he did.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh

You ladies and your first kisses, can't say I've ever felt anything on the first kiss with any woman in all my life - except for ex but that was due to a year of sexual tension - so it doesn't count!


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> I got the same text last night. Only I did not feel anything with the kiss and did not want to prolong it; I wanted to go home. And the guy told he wanted to see me this week which I told him I can't and then he gave an alternate date to which I didn't immediately respond and hew rote a sadface and texted "I will miss you until then." Made some more jokes about the future. He mentioned me meeting his mother on the date (we are a few dates in by now).
> 
> Yep. There is seriously *NO* in between with guys I date. Either they are super duper into me or seemingly into me and disappear into thin damn air. What am I doing in this life?


Are you telling these guys up front what you want? If you want a more casual relationship you need to let them know.

AP, if JB is not a 10 she is at least a 9. She is extremely beautiful. Between that and her awesome personality, those poor guys don't stand a chance.


----------



## Jellybeans

Aww, thanks Muskrat. That is so sweet.

But ya know, even in cases where I tell a guy I am not feeling it or do not want to date further or don't want a relationship, the ones who are SUPER into me seem to only cling harder! The ones who disappear just make me sad. Lol.


----------



## Another Planet

Jelly what you need to do is get the most physically attractive guy you can to date you. Drug his wine at dinner take him back to your place, tie him up to a chair, ball gag him, and put him in your closet and pull him out for your "amusement" as needed. 

Do you guys remember that one story a couple years back where a guy tried to rob this German ladies store and ended up getting taken over by her and was held hostage as a sex slave for weeks! lol 
That's what you need to do Jelly


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Aww, thanks Muskrat. That is so sweet.
> 
> But ya know, even in cases where I tell a guy I am not feeling it or do not want to date further or don't want a relationship, the ones who are SUPER into me seem to only cling harder! The ones who disappear just make me sad. Lol.


If I am reading this all correctly, you do want a traditional relationship (even if you won't admit it). The problem is finding a guy that you have the right chemistry with and is willing to move at your pace. 

I have no clue why some people cling on for dear life when told your not interested. I am sort of dealing with that. It is very frustrating.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Aww, thanks Muskrat. That is so sweet.
> 
> But ya know, even in cases where I tell a guy I am not feeling it or do not want to date further or don't want a relationship, the ones who are SUPER into me seem to only cling harder! The ones who disappear just make me sad. Lol.


Sounds like you have to lay out solid boundaries of no contact on the ones you no longer like. Block their numbers of they contact you afterwards.


----------



## whitehawk

JB that happens to me to , this is why l have to be so careful about even seeing a girl even just a few times. lf they like me then they will fall full on. l can never just fkg play , it just doesn't work because l'm responsible for hurting them.

Don't get me wrong , l don't get a long with every girl no way , a lot of them aren't into me at all but l mean if she is then it usually goes that way.

But l do know what it is with you though JB , very easy . Some chicks just have that keeper thing about them , a quality. They're just the type guys will want to marry .
This last ones a bit scary though , mum , already , maybe you better run JB , that is very weird. Just a thought


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So the guy has asked me out for Saturday...how do I decline and tell him that I dont want to keep seeing him? I suck at this stuff.


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> So the guy has asked me out for Saturday...how do I decline and tell him that I dont want to keep seeing him? I suck at this stuff.


Just tell him that you don't think you're compatible, simple. 

You can also tell him you're just not ready for a relationship - though if he likes you / is beta, then he'll wait around lol

Straight up is always good - and well respected.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Just tell him that you don't think you're compatible, simple.
> 
> *You can also tell him you're just not ready for a relationship* - though if he likes you / is beta, then he'll wait around lol
> 
> Straight up is always good - and well respected.


Yeah, I had thought about going that route, but wont for the reason you stated! I am hating this because he has done everything right. Thanks for the reply.


----------



## Another Planet

ugh never win with them...
Just got a text wondering if GF can hang out with just her BFF Friday. 
I respond that yeah I was taking off out of town anyway this weekend so I'll just leave earlier no big deal...
She texts back with an "oh ".....wth she should know better by now that I don't wait around.


----------



## RandomDude

@3X

So he's beta? lol
Well he can't have done everything right, otherwise he wouldn't be getting dumped would he? hehe

The hard truth will help him move on faster


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Jelly what you need to do is get the most physically attractive guy you can to date you. Drug his wine at dinner take him back to your place, tie him up to a chair, ball gag him, and put him in your closet and pull him out for your "amusement" as needed.
> 
> Do you guys remember that one story a couple years back where a guy tried to rob this German ladies store and ended up getting taken over by her and was held hostage as a sex slave for weeks! lol
> That's what you need to do Jelly


Hehe. I like the way you think, AP.



muskrat said:


> If I am reading this all correctly, you do want a traditional relationship (even if you won't admit it). The problem is finding a guy that you have the right chemistry with and is willing to move at your pace.


Yeah. And not only that, it's hard to meet someone that I like for more. 



muskrat said:


> I have no clue why some people cling on for dear life when told your not interested.


Because they're nuts. Or rather, rejection inherently makes you long for something you don't have but see I think it's more perplexing in cases where someone clings after being told directly by the other person that they are NOT interested versus, say, the cases where someone just never says anything and pulls a fade out. That is more confusing to deal with.



06Daddio08 said:


> Sounds like you have to lay out solid boundaries of no contact on the ones you no longer like.


True. No dates.



whitehawk said:


> But l do know what it is with you though JB , very easy . Some chicks just have that keeper thing about them , a quality. They're just the type guys will want to marry .


I wonder if maybe that's it. Or rather, I know that I don't come across as someone who is going to wham-bam-it-up. 



3Xnocharm said:


> So the guy has asked me out for Saturday...how do I decline and tell him that I dont want to keep seeing him? (


"I am flattered but did not feel a connection so I do not want to go out again. I wish you well."

Is this the guy you said you had no chemistry with?/Did not feel a connection?


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Because they're nuts. Or rather, rejection inherently makes you long for something you don't have but see I think it's more perplexing in cases where someone clings after being told directly by the other person that they are NOT interested versus, say, the cases where someone just never says anything and pulls a fade out. That is more confusing to deal with.


You mean those guys who disappeared on you?

IMO I reckon they're just not interested, it's actually the lowest of ways to dump someone. However, it is very common. It's even expected.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah!

I thought I put 1 minute on warming up my pizza and realised I put 10 >.<

*munches on biscuit pizza*


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> So the guy has asked me out for Saturday...how do I decline and tell him that I dont want to keep seeing him? I suck at this stuff.


I went on two dates with a woman before Christmas, she was nice and I enjoyed myself but I didn't want to continue. A day or so after the second date she said she wanted to take me out for the third.

It was hard saying no, it played against my old nice guy knee jerk reactions. I gave myself a bit of time to reply (about thirty minutes) and then I thanked her for the kind offer but I didn't feel it would go beyond the second date. I wished the best and told her to take care.

A month or so later I was contacted by someone on pof. We chatted a bit and then I realized through some searching that she was actually related to my ex. I had never heard of her but knew the side of the family was from. We were getting along great and planned to chat on the phone the following day. The morning of I disclosed what I had discovered and we had a small discussion about it. We both agreed it was for the best not to pursue anything.

I started chatting with another about two months ago. We text and talked on the phone a few times, finally meeting after about two weeks. We had dinner and talked, she initiated the "I'll give you a call tomorrow" and I didn't hear from her. So, I moved on.

There was a comment made yesterday about the rational mind at war with the emotional mind. In my opinion, until ones rational mind can comfort the emotional, they aren't ready for anything. In the moment the emotion is allowed to take the forefront, that's the "leap of faith" or "risk" we hear about. Without rational strength (which is forged through self worth, therapy, patience, etc) the emotional side takes you for a spin. Gets you second guessing, stressed and so on.

So ... with all of that being said, you decline by rationally expressing yourself.


----------



## Dollystanford

I do feel that 'I'm not ready for a relationship' is a little lame. To me it means 'I'm ready for a relationship with someone but not you'

There's nothing wrong with not feeling the love in the room and expressing that


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Damn, they had better make it worth it


I get battle pay so yeah, financially it will be worth it. 

Oh well , that's life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> So the guy has asked me out for Saturday...how do I decline and tell him that I dont want to keep seeing him? I suck at this stuff.


"Sorry, I don't think this is going to work out, you aren't what I'm looking for."

Don't waste his time if you aren't feeling it. You would be pulling a NoChem


----------



## bandit.45

I'm gonna grow my hair long and grow a beard while I'm in Colorado. I want to come back looking like a mountain man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> ugh never win with them...
> Just got a text wondering if GF can hang out with just her BFF Friday.
> I respond that yeah I was taking off out of town anyway this weekend so I'll just leave earlier no big deal...
> She texts back with an "oh "....*.wth she should know better by now that I don't wait around.*


Not if she doesn't really listen to you or respect you.


----------



## Jellybeans

AP--she wants you to hang out with "just her BFF Friday?"

That is weird, IMO. And strange.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Not if she doesn't really listen to you or respect you.


More sh!t testing. She's a cheat and a flake. He needs to give her the heave ho.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jumpnrun

3x- Like others have said "He must not of done everything right" if there no spark. So do not play games and just be upfront and honest, but also be honest with yourself on why there no spark if you think he has done everything right.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ok so the deed has been done, and he was super nice about it, which in all honesty, makes me feel worse.  But I am glad its done, thanks for the advice guys.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe.
> 
> 
> I wonder if maybe that's it. Or rather, I know that I don't come across as someone who is going to wham-bam-it-up.
> 
> 
> Yep , that's it alright and the wham bam types , they aren't the ones guys wanna marry.
> Yous got yourself quality women :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> AP--she wants you to hang out with "just her BFF Friday?"
> 
> That is weird, IMO. And strange.


No her GF asked her if the 2 of them could get some girl time in Friday. 
I said I don't care cause I am taking off anyway...well if work lets me. Plus I wouldn't care anyway. 

But I would hang out with her BFF also, shes really cool


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> So the guy has asked me out for Saturday...how do I decline and tell him that I dont want to keep seeing him? I suck at this stuff.


tell him you want to marry him and have his babies, but first he must buy you an engagement ring, preferably valued more than 15K 

I am kidding, just tell him, you are not interested.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> More sh!t testing. She's a cheat and a flake. He needs to give her the heave ho.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree, but AP will have to learn the hard way since he ignores all the red flags


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> ugh never win with them...
> Just got a text wondering if GF can hang out with just her BFF Friday.
> I respond that yeah I was taking off out of town anyway this weekend so I'll just leave earlier no big deal...
> She texts back with an "oh ".....*wth she should know better by now that I don't wait around*.


Train that woman!!!! haha
I am afraid not many of you will get my humor~

I am in a happy mood this morning 

But all joking aside, it does sound like a test to see if you would get upset because she will be spending time with her BFF and not you. 
Why is she asking you permission to hang out with her BFF??


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Ok so the deed has been done, and he was super nice about it, which in all honesty, makes me feel worse.  But I am glad its done, thanks for the advice guys.


Don't ever ever EVER feel bad about sticking up for yourself and what you really want based on how others feel. Their reaction is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is being true to your inner self.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> tell him you want to marry him and have his babies, but first he must buy you an engagement ring, preferably valued more than 15K


Hehe. Sounds like some of my first dates (with the guys saying that stuff to me).


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok so the deed has been done, and he was super nice about it, which in all honesty, makes me feel worse.  But I am glad its done, thanks for the advice guys.


hmm
why did it make you feel bad?
3x, I was under the impression that I was a really nice, good girl. Sometimes, this is a bad thing because I let people run all over me. I could not say no. 

Then about a month a ago, i was smoking a cigarrete and a random guy came up to me asked me for one. I almost said yes, BUT i thought, hell no! Cigarettes are expensive, so I said no.
It was a small no, but it gave me so much freedom!

Ever since then, I have been saying NO more often, and on many instances which i would normally say YES.

Another exercise that is helping me overcome my "I am too good" attitude is that I created a fake profile and flirted with guys on her. 
I need to let go of the image I have of myself and accept me for who I really am.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Sounds like some of my first dates (with the guys saying that stuff to me).


See how crazy it sounds?

Men who proffess their love so soon are strange!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Ok so the deed has been done, and he was super nice about it, which in all honesty, makes me feel worse.  But I am glad its done, thanks for the advice guys.


Compassion and empathy are important, but when it begins to get in the way of your self worth ... problems start.

Focus more on the fact that you looked out for yourself, internal > external.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> See how crazy it sounds?
> 
> Men who proffess their love so soon are strange!


They sound needy.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok so the deed has been done, and *he was super nice about it, which in all honesty, makes me feel worse.*  But I am glad its done, thanks for the advice guys.


Do NOT feel bad or guilty!!! Never feel guilty for prioritizing your happiness and putting yourself first, because no one else is going to do that for you. You are responsible for yourself, and no one else.

So he was super nice about it? GREAT! That means that he understands that it wasn't a fit, and he is going to move on like a healthy, rational human being.

You should never continue to see someone you don't click with out of a sense of obligation or guilt. You only get one life, and it's too short to waste it with people who aren't amazing and fun. Don't waste time on people or things that don't bring you joy.

I'm so proud of you that you did it, and you should be proud of yourself, too. You are taking ownership of your happiness. That's awesome!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> See how crazy it sounds?
> 
> Men who proffess their love so soon are strange!


Women do it too. An ex girlfriend I was dating up until last February did that. Said she had fallen in love with me early on. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Never again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol Bandit. You were like, "HUH? I just ordered a salad and you are in LOVE with me?"

:rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Lol Bandit. You were like, "HUH? I just ordered a salad and you are in LOVE with me?"
> 
> :rofl:


Yep. Señor Bandito was a schmuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

That awkward moment when the song I LOVE today, is sung my One Direction..... someone shoot me please.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I'm wondering... since we're all discussing the time frame for professing love, when do y'all think is an appropriate length of time at which to say, "I love you"?

I've only ever been in love once, and so have only said it once. (There was one other relationship where I was definitely on my way, but we broke up before it got to that point.) So I have no good point of reference.

What say you, Singles of TAM?


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think there is a timeframe for that type of thing but definitely not before the salad has arrived on the first date.



But that DOES bring me to another question:

How many times have you guys been IN LOVE?


----------



## FeministInPink

Once, and I made the poor choice of marrying him. No one ever told me that you shouldn't necessarily marry the first guy you fall in love with. 

(My mother made it pretty clear that I'd be lucky if I could even find a man to fall in love with me. Thanks, Mom.)


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> So, I'm wondering... since we're all discussing the time frame for professing love, when do y'all think is an appropriate length of time at which to say, "I love you"?
> 
> I've only ever been in love once, and so have only said it once. (There was one other relationship where I was definitely on my way, but we broke up before it got to that point.) So I have no good point of reference.
> 
> What say you, Singles of TAM?


Five years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think there is a timeframe for that type of thing but definitely not before the salad has arrived on the first date.
> 
> 
> 
> But that DOES bring me to another question:
> 
> How many times have you guys been IN LOVE?


:iagree:

But even if for some weird reason, I would fall in love at first sight, I would wait at least for two months before saying I love you.

I have been in love twice. Have said "I love you" TWICE. Different men. Ex and old flame.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok so the deed has been done, and he was super nice about it, which in all honesty, makes me feel worse.  But I am glad its done, thanks for the advice guys.



l hate having to do the deed , l just hate it.
Come to think of it l don't like it done to me either , huh , can't win 

Anyway , well done 3x


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I don't think there is a timeframe for that type of thing but definitely not before the salad has arrived on the first date.
> 
> 
> 
> But that DOES bring me to another question:
> 
> How many times have you guys been IN LOVE?


How many times have I been in love? Once.

How many times have I been in love the rational and realistic way? None.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> (My mother made it pretty clear that I'd be lucky if I could even find a man to fall in love with me. Thanks, Mom.)


AWWWWWWWWWWW 
our mothers and their stupidity.
Mine told me I was a piece of ****, and would amount to nothing.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> That awkward moment when the song I LOVE today, is sung my One Direction..... someone shoot me please.



Bang :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> How many times have I been in love? Once.
> 
> How many times have I been in love the rational and realistic way? None.


Love is not rational. It's completely illogical and stupid.





FeministInPink said:


> (My mother made it pretty clear that I'd be lucky if I could even find a man to fall in love with me. Thanks, Mom.)


Your Mom isn't winning any Mother of the Year awards, that's for sure.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l don't think you can put a time frame on it but lf no ones coming out with it in a mth or two , could be things are a bit on the sluggish side l reckon . Because you know when your fallen , big time.
PS , then again though , people can be very cautious with this stuff , could take heaps longer to l guess.

l've been full on , totally screwed mad in love , twice . But one was when l was 16 so although it was in love , even by my now idea , dunno if you'd count it though .

l wonder lately sometimes though , if l could even expect to ever feel in love again .


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Love is not rational. It's completely illogical and stupid.


I thought I was in love for maybe a year. After that it was nothing but doubts, stress and uncertainty. I don't consider that love at all and for me it pretty much voids the original year.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> *I was in actual love *for maybe a year, after that it was nothing but doubts, stress and uncertainty. *I don't consider that love at all* and for me *it pretty much voids* the original year.


You just contradicted yourself.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> You just contradicted yourself.


Fixed it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being hard on myself or even feeling down expressing this. It's just the facts. I really liked my ex and had really wanted it to work out but it wasn't meant to be.

Not with who we were at the time.

Truth is, it's the one thing I had really wanted us to find. Actual love. But that takes getting over yourself and neither of us could do it. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah but what I am saying is you either loved her or you didn't.

I mean, only you know your truth but for me, just because it didn't work out with someone doesn't negate the fact that I loved or was in love with them at some point. 

Love is so silly. It's completely hard to explain or understand.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I was in love with the idea of love and clung onto it for self worth.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah but what I am saying is you either loved her or you didn't.
> 
> I mean, only you know your truth but for me, just because it didn't work out with someone doesn't negate the fact that I loved or was in love with them at some point.
> 
> Love is so silly. It's completely hard to explain or understand.


I can see Daddio's reasoning behind this. I have found myself wondering if I ever loved my ex. I do not want to negate our history together, but every day that passes the love lessens and soon it will be null. As if it never existed.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think there is a timeframe for that type of thing but definitely not before the salad has arrived on the first date.
> 
> 
> 
> But that DOES bring me to another question:
> 
> How many times have you guys been IN LOVE?


I honestly am not sure I have. 

I have felt intense love feelings for 2 people in my life, but was no where close to romantic relationships. 

Those feelings/experiences laid the groundwork with the type of emotional connection I need to be in love with someone, and sadly, have never been with anyone that has made me feel totally emotionally safe in that regard. I am hoping my next relationship changes that.

I honestly cannot say I was ever in love with my ex-h. *shakes head* biggest lesson I learned - STICK UP FOR MYSELF, BE MYSELF and if someone doesn't like it, they can f*off. Don't conform your inner self for love of any kind. Thats not love. Thats manipulation.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Yeah but what I am saying is you either loved her or you didn't.
> 
> I mean, only you know your truth but for me, just because it didn't work out with someone doesn't negate the fact that I loved or was in love with them at some point.
> 
> Love is so silly. It's completely hard to explain or understand.


Being in love is qualified by the presence of, or proclivity for the presence of Cowper's fluid when we get together.

Loving someone is qualified by the presence of, or proclivity for the presence of lacrimal fluid when you think of them.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> AWWWWWWWWWWW
> our mothers and their stupidity.
> Mine told me I was a piece of ****, and would amount to nothing.





Jellybeans said:


> Your Mom isn't winning any Mother of the Year awards, that's for sure.


Finally, thanks in large part to TAM, I'm realizing just how fvcked up my mother is, and how incredibly dysfunctional our relationship is, and just how much she fvcked me up with this ridiculous kind of bullsh!t. And now I'm working through it. I used to joke that my mother's parenting style was "benign neglect," and it's only in the last year or so that I've realized how true this is, and how damaging it was to me.

But the most important thing I'm learning is _*it's not my fault*_. It's not my fault that my mother is an unhappy person. It's not my fault that my mother hates her life, and hates herself. It's not my fault that she never loved me or nurtured me the way that I needed.

I'm also learning that I can easily replace "my mother" with my XH's name in the above paragraph.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> I was in love with the idea of love and clung onto it for self worth.


I think I did that, too... I was in love at the beginning, with my XH. But when he flipped the switch, and started making me feel so sh!tty about myself, I blamed myself, and kept trying to get us back to what we used to be, because he was the only man who had ever loved me, and I thought that meant I was worth something. And if I had lost his love, it meant that I wasn't worth anything. So I clung onto that for dear life, and it took everything from me, it sucked my soul dry. It almost killed me.

Thank god I'm not in that place anymore. Thank god I'm not that person anymore. I'm never going back there, ever again.


----------



## Jellybeans

Feminist, so sorry you have had to deal with someone like that all your life. But good on you for recognizing it's her issue, not yours. 

Toxic people suck. Especially when they are your own relatives.



ne9907 said:


> I can see Daddio's reasoning behind this. I have found myself wondering if I ever loved my ex. I do not want to negate our history together, but every day that passes the love lessens and soon it will be null. As if it never existed.


Interesting. 

Idk. I have never questioned whether I loved my ex. Because I unequivocally did. There is simply no way for me to deny it. It was very real.



Lon said:


> Being in love is qualified by the presence of, or proclivity for the presence of Cowper's fluid when we get together.
> 
> Loving someone is qualified by the presence of, or proclivity for the presence of lacrimal fluid when you think of them.


Love this.

Vi-you said you never felt a spark with your ex, right? Why did you marry him? Were you guys just young/going through motions?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Feminist, so sorry you have had to deal with someone like that all your life. But good on you for recognizing it's her issue, not yours.
> 
> Toxic people suck. Especially when they are your own relatives.


Yes, they totally suck. And just b/c they are relatives doesn't mean they should be kept in your lives. I only talk to my brother and sister - all other communication with my immediate and extended family has been non existent since 2007. Oh besides a few cousins I am close to who also cut themselves out. My life has been so much less of a drama/emotional roller coaster ride since. I love it. I see the stress my sister gets under dealing with my mom and I am SO GLAD to be out. 



Jellybeans said:


> Vi-you said you never felt a spark with your ex, right? Why did you marry him? Were you guys just young/going through motions?


I am going to be brutally honest here. He was good looking, in great shape, had a great job and could fix things. He was a far cry from my ex bf, and I thought he was a safe bet. Also, I was the OW, he left his family and wouldn't have if I was not involved. I never asked him to, he just used it as an exit affair. I felt so entirely guilty that I helped destroy his kids lives as well as wanting to prove to everyone that we would work and they were "wrong" about our relationship that I kept going against my gut instinct over and over and over and over again. I even tried to end my relationship with him several times but failed miserably. 

I remember one email, still to this day, I said "If you would spend as much time and energy putting into your marriage and fixing things with your wife as you do to me, you guys wouldn't be having these problems"

I was 22 when I wrote that. After everything I have been through I look back at that very point in time, that email and realize how much I compromised MY values and integrity to be with someone who really wasn't worth a damn. All for the sake of "saving face" and not letting the nay-sayers "win".


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks, JB & Vi. I'm not going to cut her out of my life, because that would mean jeopardizing many of the GOOD familial relationships in my life. She's such a force of nature that no one can say no to her; a lot of my extended family doesn't get it, they just see the outer persona. I deal with her when I have to, and I try to support my dad and sis in dealing with her when I can. I'm learning ways to better deal with her; it's an ongoing process.

EDIT: The lucky thing for me is that we established an unspoken rule that my parents never call me (it's kind of messed up, but just go with it); if I need to, I call them. So I very rarely speak to my parents, more often than not, I speak with my dad rather than my mom. And I only see them a couple times a year, usually at larger family gatherings, so it's easy enough to avoid my mother most of the time. Maybe I can't totally cut her out, but I can avoid her as much as possible.


----------



## jpr

I currently in love.


...i was in love only once before....it was with Sasquatch. He admits that he never loved me, apparently. But, I certainly loved him...with all of my being.

But, I no longer love him. It doesnt negate the fact that I was once intensely and authentically and deeply in love with him.


----------



## FeministInPink

jpr said:


> I currently in love.
> 
> 
> ...i was in love only once before....it was with Sasquatch. He admits that he never loved me, apparently. But, I certainly loved him...with all of my being.
> 
> But, I no longer love him. It doesnt negate the fact that I was once intensely and authentically and deeply in love with him.


I'm not currently in love, but replace "Sasquatch" with "Voldemort" and I could have easily written this, word for word.


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi - thanks for sharing and your candid response. Glad to hear you realized it wasn't for you.



jpr said:


> I currently in love.


I love this.  Happy for you.

My colleague has the BEST a$$. Seriously. He just came to help with something and I was like, OH HIIII.


----------



## muskrat

I have been in love twice. I compromised myself and my boundaries in the name of love both times.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> I have been in love twice. I compromised myself and my boundaries in the name of love both times.


Yup. Me too.

So brings up another question - was it really "love" if we didn't love ourselves enough to NOT compromise?? 

Is it possible to really be in love if you don't truly love yourself? 

:scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

I've forgotten what love is... memories are just flashes and images, but no feeling :scratchhead:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUYGzZ0tQpA

Either I just haven't found someone for too long or I'm just emotionally dead


----------



## bandit.45

Romantic love comes and goes. You're not dead. You're just existing like the rest of us. Nothing wrong with that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I've forgotten what love is... memories are just flashes and images, but no feeling :scratchhead:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUYGzZ0tQpA
> 
> Either I just haven't found someone for too long *or I'm just emotionally dead*


Stopping the meaningless casual sex helps open yourself up to feelings.

Trust me on this. The more unconnected you are during the deed the colder you become. Doesn't happen right away, but after seeing people more as sex objects then, well, people, you start to get jaded. 

Stop for a month. See how you feel.


----------



## Ikaika

So glad TAM was not around when I was in my 20s.  I am sure I would have been at the other end of rants. Not that I was a complete scoundrel given that I always informed anyone I dated, that I was attachment phobic. However, I fully admit that I did on a few occasions tell a lady I would call her back and never did. I was young and very immature. I also knew at that time, I was not fit for anything but to be single, care-free and a bit reckless at times. Never to do again. 

I did get grow up and not until my early 30s did I actually fall in love (twice). First time, a woman from Australia, originally of Burmese ancestry (her family had escaped the then dictator regime of Burma, now known as Myanmar). She was not willing to move to America and I did not have a desire to move to W. Australia. We moved on with our lives. Second time around, I married the woman and she continues to be the love of my life and mother to my two sons.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> I always informed anyone I dated, that I was attachment phobic.


:rofl:


----------



## jpr

I am a bit attachment phobic, too. ...mostly because once I have attached, then that is it. I am attached. There is no pulling away. I am stuck like white on rice. 

....but it takes a lot for me to get there. 

Sasquatch courted me for two years before I ever agreed to date him. 

This is new territory for me with my current bf. ....and very much out of my character to have gotten attached.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Is it possible to really be in love if you don't truly love yourself?
> 
> :scratchhead:


I say no, we believe we are truly in love, but I believe that in order to fully love someone we must love ourselves first.

Yet, I have been in love twice and each time I loved deeply.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I have been in love several times, I seem to be the odd one here. I have always been a serial monogamist, my relationships are always exclusive and long term. 

As far as WHEN to say those three words, I dont see how you can set a time frame on that. Say it when you feel it, as long as you are pretty sure that the other person is in the same place. I have both said it, and had it said to me first, in less than a month's time before.


----------



## Jellybeans

Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?

(I never have).


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?
> 
> (I never have).


Me neither. And even when I do fall in love you have to squeeze it out of me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Why does it have to be squeezed out? You afraid of falling IN LOVE, Bandito?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?
> 
> (I never have).


Nope.


----------



## Jellybeans

3x, that avatar still cracks me up.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> But all joking aside, it does sound like a test to see if you would get upset because she will be spending time with her BFF and not you.
> 
> Why is she asking you permission to hang out with her BFF??


 
Is that what a sh!t test is? And do people really do this kind of thing, test to see how much someone cares? It would explain some if the strange questions I've gotten recently from dudes I'm chatting with. I usually err on the side of honesty and detachment. "Oh, you may be going away for a while and want to know what I think? Well, it sounds like you'll be happy, so I wish you luck! Maybe when you're back we could catch up sometime. Enjoy!" is the kind of response 
I'd give, even if my heart were whining "noo, I'm going to be so sad; I wish you'd stay."


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Why does it have to be squeezed out? You afraid of falling IN LOVE, Bandito?


No no. It's telling the person I've fallen in love with that I love them that has to be squeezed out. Don't know why. I think I have waited for them to say it first before I do so I wouldn't look like a schmo if the feeling wasn't mutual. "Keep 'em guessing " was my thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> *Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?*
> 
> (I never have).


Nope, never did that, so see I am not a scoundrel.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Is that what a sh!t test is? And do people really do this kind of thing, test to see how much someone cares? It would explain some if the strange questions I've gotten recently from dudes I'm chatting with. I usually err on the side of honesty and detachment. "Oh, you may be going away for a while and want to know what I think? Well, it sounds like you'll be happy, so I wish you luck! Maybe when you're back we could catch up sometime. Enjoy!" is the kind of response
> I'd give, even if my heart were whining "noo, I'm going to be so sad; I wish you'd stay."


There are women who sh !t test their partners daily, and are completely unaware they are doing it. It is in some women's DNA. 

I've never noticed men doing it to any great degree. We are not that complex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?
> 
> (I never have).


Never. I feel to many people say I love you when they don't mean it. I take those words seriously. However if I love you I am not afraid to tell you everyday.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> No no. It's telling the person I've fallen in love with that I love them that has to be squeezed out. Don't know why. I think I have waited for them to say it first before I do so I wouldn't look like a schmo if the feeling wasn't mutual. "Keep 'em guessing " was my thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like a defense mechanism to me.


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> Never. I feel to many people say I love you when they don't mean it. I take those words seriously. However if I love you I am not afraid to tell you everyday.


:iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Is that what a sh!t test is? And do people really do this kind of thing, test to see how much someone cares?


People STOOPID. I think SH*T tests are dumb, personally.



bandit.45 said:


> There are women who sh !t test their partners daily, and are completely unaware they are doing it. It is in some women's DNA.
> 
> I've never noticed men doing it to any great degree. We are not that complex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eh, there are men that do it, too. I think it's manipulation, no matter who is doing it (male/female) and a waste of TIME.

If you have to "test" people to make yourself feel better/create drama, then really you don't deserve them..


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Sounds like a defense mechanism to me.


G- damn right.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Never. I feel to many people say I love you when they don't mean it. I take those words seriously. However if I love you I am not afraid to tell you everyday.


Me. You. Same head sometimes. 

Great minds.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> 3x, that avatar still cracks me up.


Dude, its sooo me!


----------



## bandit.45

Jelly if you truly loved me you wouldn't disagree with my posts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Me. You. Same head sometimes.
> 
> Great minds.


You two....

Get a room.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

I guess my question is what do you mean by "in love"? I figure if I'm invested enough to hang around, I must love them. I'm not particularly prone to being swept off my feet by much of anything. Love to me has a lot more to do with actions that convey commitment, loyalty and interest than it has to do with feelings that come and go.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?
> 
> (I never have).


Yes, my ex-h. 

Sometimes I wonder if I did ever love him. He was always telling me how great he was, how could I NOT love him! I mean, he was so spectacular, so why didn't I feel it?? :scratchhead:

But when I said "I love you" and realized I didn't, we were about 4-4.5 yrs into "R". I found TAM shortly there after. And I never said those words again to him. 

Another lesson of not sticking up for myself. I told him what he wanted to hear vs. how I really felt.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Jelly if you truly loved me you wouldn't disagree with my posts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you wouldn't naysay everything I write.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> You two....
> 
> Get a room.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

You two are both old farts at heart and would be a great match


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Have you ever told someone that you love them when you did not, in fact, love them?
> 
> (I never have).


I am ashamed to say I have, my ex, he told me he loved me after two weeks of dating. I did not know what to say, so I said it back.


----------



## muskrat

:scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> She couldn't handle my oral skills. I swear my tongue is magic. :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That was my attempt at sarcasm. Never know how this stuff will come across in text.


bah I had already liked your post, but I had to unlike it.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> And you wouldn't naysay everything I write.


Well of course I would. Sh!t tests only go one way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

sorry, I'm in a stupid mood. I realized how bad that last post was and edited it out. You all are just to fast and quoted me.


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes, my ex-h.
> 
> 
> 
> Sometimes I wonder if I did ever love him. *He was always telling me how great he was*, how could I NOT love him! I mean, he was so spectacular, so why didn't I feel it?? :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> 
> But when I said "I love you" and realized I didn't, we were about 4-4.5 yrs into "R". I found TAM shortly there after. And I never said those words again to him.
> 
> 
> 
> Another lesson of not sticking up for myself. I told him what he wanted to hear vs. how I really felt.



Whoa! Tener cojones.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> sorry, I'm in a stupid mood. I realized how bad that last post was and edited it out. You all are just to fast and quoted me.


I thought it was cute and funny, but I am not easily offended


----------



## whitehawk

l reckon there's different levels of love and in love that can still work forever. Grown in love too .

You see all the variations in different couples all the time .
Often in old couples and you might be able to tell that although it wasn't the actual mad in love thing with them but they do still truly love each other . lt was an earned love and respect love over years . Grown love over time , but they stuck it our and now can't do without each other .

You see that in younger couples to .

l think they can both work it just comes down to the courage and staying power of the individuals .

l'd be happy with either in the future because l know and seen pretty amazing couples in any of it .


----------



## bandit.45

It's those middle years of long term marriages that are the worst it seems. It seems like the 10 to 30 years span is where most of the bad stuff happens and where the roller coaster of love takes its biggest climbs and dives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah agree 100% b. That happened to us.
life seems to take 15 or 20 yrs to build , then there's the stress of the kids growing at different stages . The old 17yr itch which l reckon is for real. Thing might go a bit stale for a faze .
lots and lots of crap to deal with in those sorta time frames .


----------



## moxy

In love? Once. Exh. Totally undid me. I said it about a month into the relationship, after he did.

Have I said I love you when I didn't mean it? Yeah. I was younger and didn't know anything about love, then. I wouldn't do so now.


----------



## bandit.45

Well it's all about escapism. Getting away from the kids and the job and mortgage and the drudge of every day marital existence. I think escapism is 50% of the cause of most infidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, I think you're right. The desire for novelty (or freedom) drives people to strange lengths!


----------



## moxy

I'm so exhausted from work obligations (stress will be intense and constant this week and next) that I am not all distracted by sex for the first time in a long time. Today, I kinda want to cuddle. Saying that aloud nauseates me; what the heck is wrong with me today? Ugh. 

New Guy was blowing up my phone last week, but seems quiet this week; we're supposed to go out this weekend, so it kinda weirds me out to hear less from him, but, maybe it's just that we've reached a threshold with text flirting and real life needs to be involved now. Why am I nervous? I have a million other more pressing and important things to think about right now (work!!!), so this malaise has no business in my evening headspace. :|


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, I think you're right. The desire for novelty (or freedom) drives people to strange lengths!


Affairs are 90% fantasy. 

That's why when affair partners leave their betrayed spouses and marry each other it almost never lasts more than a few years, because the real world eventually intrudes upon their precious fantasy romance. The same bills , same job stresses, new mortgage, new life hassles.... All those things they hated about their old marriages are still there and still driving them crazy. Only difference is that each of them is now married to a proven cheater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I'm so exhausted from work obligations (stress will be intense and constant this week and next) that I am not all distracted by sex for the first time in a long time. Today, I kinda want to cuddle. Saying that aloud nauseates me; what the heck is wrong with me today? Ugh.
> 
> New Guy was blowing up my phone last week, but seems quiet this week; we're supposed to go out this weekend, so it kinda weirds me out to hear less from him, but, maybe it's just that we've reached a threshold with text flirting and real life needs to be involved now. Why am I nervous? I have a million other more pressing and important things to think about right now (work!!!), so this malaise has no business in my evening headspace. :|


You're burned out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> You're burned out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I think so.  

What wouldn't I give for a hot stone massage and a night of sleep in a real bed?


----------



## bandit.45

Real bed? What? Do sleep on a cot or something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> I'm so exhausted from work obligations (stress will be intense and constant this week and next) that I am not all distracted by sex for the first time in a long time. Today, I kinda want to cuddle. Saying that aloud nauseates me; what the heck is wrong with me today? Ugh.
> 
> New Guy was blowing up my phone last week, but seems quiet this week; we're supposed to go out this weekend, so it kinda weirds me out to hear less from him, but, maybe it's just that we've reached a threshold with text flirting and real life needs to be involved now. Why am I nervous? I have a million other more pressing and important things to think about right now (work!!!), so this malaise has no business in my evening headspace. :|


Yea lessening of communication always sucks it.... hate to say but more times than not it means lessening interest (at least in my experience)... but you never know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Real bed? What? Do sleep on a cot or something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Futon. Not comfy. I bought a mattress recently, but it hasn't yet been delivered. I'm not fully moved in to my place yet.


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Yea lessening of communication always sucks it.... hate to say but more times than not it means lessening interest (at least in my experience)... but you never know
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I think you're probably right, unsure. I'm just going to hang back and not initiate contact for a bit. I'm probably not the only woman this guy is seeing. And, I don't want to force it if it doesn't flow naturally.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Futon. Not comfy. I bought a mattress recently, but it hasn't yet been delivered. I'm not fully moved in to my place yet.


That sucks. Life for me isn't worth living without my big old Dux California king.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

My grandpa told me there are three things in life you should never skimp on : good shoes, a good bed, and a thin fingered proctologist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> I think you're probably right, unsure. I'm just going to hang back and not initiate contact for a bit. I'm probably not the only woman this guy is seeing. And, I don't want to force it if it doesn't flow naturally.


Yes you dont want to come off like a clinger.... let him lead
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> *You two are both old farts at heart *and would be a great match


LOL. You are NOT the first person to say I am really an old person/old soul at heart.

Hehehehe.

Maybe Musk and I were born in the wrong generation. LOL. Though I do think Musk is older than me (late 30s?). Still, I definitely feel like a grandpa sometimes. Hahahaha. Even as a youngun and teenager everyone always told me how mature seemed for my age and how I always seemed like I had my sh*t together.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. You are NOT the first person to say I am really an old person/old soul at heart.
> 
> Hehehehe.
> 
> Maybe Musk and I were born in the wrong generation. LOL. Though I do think Musk is older than me (late 30s?). Still, I definitely feel like a grandpa sometimes. Hahahaha. Even as a youngun and teenager everyone always told me how mature seemed for my age and how I always seemed like I had my sh*t together.


Also known as an old soul...my daughter is one, I am too! I think its a GOOD way to be!


----------



## bandit.45

Musk Jelly. Sounds like a tasty aromatic combo to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> That sucks. Life for me isn't worth living without my big old Dux California king.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lucky you!! 



bandit.45 said:


> My grandpa told me there are three things in life you should never skimp on : good shoes, a good bed, and a thin fingered proctologist.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've never set down roots long enough to bother with buying a good bed; I'm a nomad, at heart. The good shoes thing is something I have discovered this year.

I don't need a proctologist, but I just turned down a booty call which was a request for anal. :/



unsure78 said:


> Yes you dont want to come off like a clinger.... let him lead
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly! Not only do I not want to be clingy, but I also don't really know how things will go with this guy. He seemed really into me, but he also happens to be impatient (said it himself); I think he had hoped that I'd drive up to see him and hook up in the middle of the week or earlier than next week. I couldn't do so because of work stuff and, well, if that makes him lose interest, then it was just meant to happen that way. I'm a very busy person and I will prioritize work deadlines over a date -- unless I'm in an established relationship, in which case relationship stuff comes first for me (I'm surprised to have discovered this about myself). And, I don't know him well enough to determine whether this is a long term possibility; he's hot as hell and I wanna do him, though. I haven't heard anything from him all day, which is particularly notable because of how often he had been texting me before. Makes me wonder if I did something wrong. At the same time, I did tell him I was completely swamped and bogged down by work because I was hoping to get some time this weekend to get together. So, who knows. Still, I'm a bit disappointed about the no texts today, but I am not going to push it. Not taking the lead feels weird to me; I just realized that.

My hot neighbor did text me for a hook up, though. I said maybe. He's insanely attractive and I could get myself into the mood, but....I'm actually not in the mood because I have a dozen deadlines tonight. And, he's maybe a little drunk and trying to convince me to do stuff I don't wanna do, so I think I will decline. Strangely, because he's familiar and comfortable for me, now, I'm sitting here feeling guilty for denying him what he's asking for. That can't be healthy.

Is it terrible to actually want to work for a while to catch up and to not be in the mood? I wonder if I'm burnt out on sex as well as work, right now, or if I'm just stressed out.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Made these with my kids today (8 total). Correction, D7 and I started to make them but she began to feel not so great and laid down on the couch for "a bit". Ended up passing out. My son liked the whole idea but lost interest rather quickly.

Reason for the project? They're going to a Mothers Day dinner with their mother and her side of the family tomorrow night. I technically just crafted these for not only my ex, but the ex in-laws and such.

Life, you so funny! Bahaha.


----------



## bandit.45

Moxy....he actually requested anal? Wow. 

The guy is brazen I'll give him that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Moxy....he actually requested anal? Wow.
> 
> The guy is brazen I'll give him that!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. I said it didn't excite me. He said it would the way we would do it it. Haha. I said no to a couple more attempts at persuasion. So, then he said he wanted something else and described that. I'm going to attribute this to drunkenness.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Exactly! Not only do I not want to be clingy, but I also don't really know how things will go with this guy. He seemed really into me, but he also happens to be impatient (said it himself); I think he had hoped that I'd drive up to see him and hook up in the middle of the week or earlier than next week. I couldn't do so because of work stuff and, well, if that makes him lose interest, then it was just meant to happen that way. I'm a very busy person and I will prioritize work deadlines over a date -- unless I'm in an established relationship, in which case relationship stuff comes first for me (I'm surprised to have discovered this about myself). And, I don't know him well enough to determine whether this is a long term possibility; *he's hot as hell and I wanna do him, though. *I haven't heard anything from him all day, which is particularly notable because of how often he had been texting me before. Makes me wonder if I did something wrong. At the same time, I did tell him I was completely swamped and bogged down by work because I was hoping to get some time this weekend to get together. So, who knows. Still, I'm a bit disappointed about the no texts today, but I am not going to push it. Not taking the lead feels weird to me; I just realized that.


Moxy, you have not met this guy in the flesh yet, how do you know you actually will still want to do him once you meet?? What if he doesnt do it for you live and in person? He is clearly expecting sex from you. How would you deal? :scratchhead:


----------



## vi_bride04

Life is funny, who would know you love baking so much, Up??

I think it's absolutely wonderful you have finally found a hobby you are passionate aboot


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Moxy, you have not met this guy in the flesh yet, how do you know you actually will still want to do him once you meet?? What if he doesnt do it for you live and in person? He is clearly expecting sex from you. How would you deal? :scratchhead:


That's a good question, 3x. I suppose that if I really wasn't feeling it, I'd just tell him that I thought I'd want to but that I would rather wait and, if he was a jerk about it, I'd leave. Of course, he has a very insistent personality and if he pressed the issue, I am not so sure how I would respond. I have my own car and I could, ostensibly, just leave if I wanted to. We've done the texting, sexting, and webcam sex thing (and the talking about what is and isn't okay and about health/screening stuff), already, so unless he's really different in person, I don't think my feelings will change -- unless he's a jerk or something. I don't feel like I owe New Guy anything (unlike Neighbor with whom I have some connection, which is why I feel guilty turning him down tonight when I had initially said I wanted to; of course, he is still out for the night and will come home eventually, I think, and I may be asleep by then). But....you're right that any number of things could be different or uncomfortable in person and I didn't really factor that in. I think it's worth sitting down and thinking about this. Maybe I need to spell it out for New Guy that if I'm not feeling it, I'm not going to hook up with him. This brings up some issues for me that I thought I had resolved and which it seems I have not really dealt with. I need to give this some thought.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Is that what a sh!t test is? And do people really do this kind of thing, test to see how much someone cares?
> 
> Moxo , l'm not proud of this but l am a subconsciously [email protected] tester .
> l realized when l met my ex and l'm pretty sure l've been [email protected] testing T . Someone l met a few mths ago. l've talked about her here .
> l'm not a nice [email protected] tester either , even l'm amazed if they take it.
> l start fights , l letem have it, l show my temper , l get jealous.
> l'm not proud of it but l realized l do this stuff for a few mths.
> l also realized that l didn't realize l was doing it but , that's basically what l did.
> 
> But , whatever , on the upside really , if someone really loves you they will ride out the storm.
> So tbh , l know it's not right now that l realize it but l also realize l like to know what any women of mine is made of and what her feelings are made of.
> l'ce also realized l get girls doing this to me and l respect it because l now realize what it's about.
> And l respect the fact that if she's gonna lay herself on the line for me then she subconsciously needs to know what her man is made of.
> 
> Don't know if any of this makes sense but l can say any real gf l've ever had has ridden out the storm .


----------



## RandomDude

Same reason why I do the anti-material test, if they can't love me for me they ain't getting a cent of my assets 

I'm hearing arguments that I should accept it however, "that women are programmed to look for wealth in their partners just as men are programmed to look for 'fertility'" :scratchhead: That I should stop testing them for this cause "you won't find it" and that I'm going against nature =/

But I found it once 
Granted, she was a rich girl who always had money when she needed it, despite the money being from her family

Mum only married stepdad for $$$... I told myself I never want to be him! Yet according to the arguments; all women are like that and I should just accept it? Meh

If I was to accept that, then I'll have no chance but to enforce material standards of my own as to only date "financial equals" - making me a hypocrite... *sigh*


----------



## whitehawk

ll dunno rd . Anyone with some loot have to watch that stuff.
l've known plenty on non materialistic girls, l know what they're saying is bs. That's all l've known actually , l don't go for anyone interested in money , never have.
l mean to expect us to at least have a job or a future though is a totally different thing.

You just haven't met the right one yet like a lot of us , l think it's that simple. Your following an instinct worrying about that stuff and they're usually right.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I don't need a proctologist, but I just turned down a booty call which was a request for anal. :/


What in the hell? Someone you barely know is coming at you like that? 

Also, the neighbor--is he still dating the other chick?


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> What in the hell? Someone you barely know is coming at you like that?
> 
> Also, the neighbor--is he still dating the other chick?



That question/request was made by Neighbor. We've been casually getting together for like four months. Turns out there wasn't really another woman about whom he was serious because he came back around after a week and a half wanting to get together and then claiming there was nothing serious with anyone else, just talking. He also seemed to be miffed that I'd been hanging out with a buddy of mine (a guy, not anyone I'm interested in romantically, but a friend) and seemed to have gotten the wrong impression. So, his sudden girlfriend was a reaction to that. In all honesty, if he has another girlfriend, I don't know...he's not being particularly transparent about it.


----------



## Jellybeans

He sounds like a d0uche.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> He sounds like a d0uche.



A little bit, yeah. No long term potential, IMO. He's moving away soon, too. My feelings are gone, but my desire for meaningless sex is still there. Although....I wonder if that is something I'm not feeling satisfied by.


----------



## moxy

RD, date someone who you enjoy. If you're so worried about protecting your cash, just get a prenup one day. You're making it too complicated in order to avoid taking a risk or being vulnerable. Your tests and your drama won't make you happy.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> A little bit, yeah. No long term potential, IMO. He's moving away soon, too. My feelings are gone, but my desire for meaningless sex is still there. Although....I wonder if that is something I'm not feeling satisfied by.


Idk. To me he sounds skeevy. First he has a girlfriend, or doesn't, then it sounds like he only told you he did because he was jealous (which means he is a liar and a manipulator). And I'd consider any dude who I barely know who messaging me about doing anal sex to be tasteless and classless. Plus you said he got mad at you and/or weird when you even asked him about said girlfriend and wouldn't even text you back yet he wanted in your panties. 

I would feel like Taylor Swift when she saw her friend Selena kissing Justin Bieber:










Ick. Ick. Ick.

(Why I know these teeny bopper dramas, I don't know).


----------



## bandit.45

Well I think it's probably over between Syrian and I. She came over late last night and I made her a late dinner and we just talked about me going to Colorado Friday. I td her I would be gone six weeks straight and that she should go out and date and have fun and not concern herself with us. 

Well maybe I worded it wrong because she was not a happy camper. We tried having sex but she started crying so we just went to sleep. I left her sleeping in my bed at. 4:30 this morning. 

I hope I get to see her again after I come back. But I won't hold out hope. She seemed pretty pissed and sad. I think she invested more into this than I did. I feel like a doosh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> It's those middle years of long term marriages that are the worst it seems. It seems like the 10 to 30 years span is where most of the bad stuff happens and where the roller coaster of love takes its biggest climbs and dives.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, and that is when you find out what you are made of....and who your spouse really is.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think it's surprising she was upset after being invited over for dinner only to be told that she should look to date someone else. Especially after you just gifted her with a lovey VS gift recently. If I were her, I'd be confused/sad. Ah, men. 

At least you told her where you stand though so that way she can fall back.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> RD, date someone who you enjoy. If you're so worried about protecting your cash, just get a prenup one day. You're making it too complicated in order to avoid taking a risk or being vulnerable. Your tests and your drama won't make you happy.


Indeed. You are indulging in self sabotage.


And no one here has said that all women are materialistic. What they have said is that finances are part of the package...in the same way that looks or intelligence are. The way you look at this, so black and white, is really immature. Do what you enjoy doing, and open yourself up to friendship first.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think it's surprising she was upset after being invited over for dinner only to be told that she should look to date someone else. Especially after you just gifted her with a lovey VS gift recently. If I were her, I'd be confused/sad. Ah, men.
> 
> At least you told her where you stand though so that way she can fall back.


Well I didn't find out I was going to Denver until after I had bought her the gift card. She has known I would be leaving since the day I found out. We had been talking about this for the last few days. 

I just told her I had no expectations that she would not date other guys. She's hot, she likes to party, and she's always getting hit on. Two weekends ago I took her and her mom and two friends to a dinner club for Syrians birthday and I had to beat the men off of her with a stick. Seriously. Every time I would go to the restroom I would come out and some guy would be schmoozing her. 

Hot women are too damn much work. It takes all the fun out of dating them , because you are constantly on the lookout for competitors trying to weasel in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Well I think it's probably over between Syrian and I. She came over late last night and I made her a late dinner and we just talked about me going to Colorado Friday. I td her I would be gone six weeks straight and t*hat she should go out and date and have fun and not concern herself with us.
> *
> Well maybe I worded it wrong because she was not a happy camper. We tried having sex but she started crying so we just went to sleep. I left her sleeping in my bed at. 4:30 this morning.
> 
> I hope I get to see her again after I come back. But I won't hold out hope. She seemed pretty pissed and sad. I think she invested more into this than I did. I feel like a doosh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aw, Bandit, why did you tell her that?  I know you were hoping she WOULDNT do that, so why turn around and say that? Seems like something that should have been left unsaid, until circumstances demanded otherwise. I dont blame her for being upset!


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I just told her I had no expectations that she would not date other guys. She's hot, she likes to party, and she's always getting hit on.
> 
> Every time is go to the restroom if come out and some guy would be schmoozing her.
> 
> Hot women are too damn much work. It takes all the fun out of dating them , because you are constantly on the lookout for competitors trying to weasel in.


Again, this sounds like an insecurity on your part, Bandit. Yesterday you made a comment about how what if she finds a younger man, etc. Maybe you are self-sabotaging like Fenix said RD is. 

It's not her fault if she is pretty and men look at her. It's just funny. Men are said to want an attractive partner (this is driveled in our heads) and you are making a case against it. Lol. You seem upset she gets checked out. Which is about your feelings, not her.

But still -- if you are not feeling her for more than NSA, just better to lay it all out on the table.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Aw, Bandit, why did you tell her that?  I know you were hoping she WOULDNT do that, so why turn around and say that? Seems like something that should have been left unsaid, until circumstances demanded otherwise. I dont blame her for being upset!


Just my good old passive aggressiveness in all it's glory.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Work on that before you ruin something good in the future.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Yeah .... you questioned her morals and the type of person she is based on your insecurities. I can see why she'd cry. That's rough, for both of you.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Again, this sounds like an insecurity on your part, Bandit. Yesterday you made a comment about how what if she finds a younger man, etc. Maybe you are self-sabotaging like Fenix said RD is.
> 
> It's not her fault if she is pretty and men look at her. It's just funny. Men are said to want an attractive partner (this is driveled in our heads) and you are making a case against it. Lol. You seem upset she gets checked out. Which is about your feelings, not her.
> 
> But still -- if you are not feeling her for more than NSA, just better to lay it all out on the table.


Yeah, I think I just bit off more than I could chew with her. And I guess I'm trying to exit the stage without bumping into the scenery. My head tells me I should let her go and move on but my d!ck says. "No no no...you ain't going anywhere pal .... "
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> Yeah .... you questioned her morals and the type of person she is based on your insecurities. I can see why she'd cry. That's rough, for both of you.


No not her morals. If I saw her reciprocating with another guy I would. But she just has to sit there and guys will come up trying to get her number. 

I guess my feeling is ... I left all that dating, clubbing, socializing drama behind when I was in my twenties. I seriously don't have the energy for this crap anymore. She does. I don't drink, and therefore I cannot let loose to the extent I would like with her. 

Mutual attraction aside , there are just too many differences between us in terms of lifestyle to ever allow this to work out for the long haul.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> *Yeah, I think I just bit off more than I could chew with her. * And I guess I'm trying to exit the stage without bumping into the scenery. My head tells me I should let her go and move on but my d!ck says. "No no no...you ain't going anywhere pal .... "
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dont know why you think that, based on things you posted, she REALLY likes you.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont know why you think that, based on things you posted, she REALLY likes you.


She's too godamm young for me. Period. 

We were having sex this last Saturday, and she's there enjoying it... Meanwhile this old man is sweating and trying not to convulse in agony while the Charlie horses are wracking through my legs , trying to twist my thighs into pretzels.... Gah!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, it's possible that she might have just wanted a kind, caring, attentive, mature guy. You know how many women want that? More than will admit it. She seems to have really liked you. Maybe she would have waited for you. Six weeks is not a long time to wait for someone you like. Did you really not see things going anywhere? It seemed like you were happy with her. I wish you had liked her enough to not set her free. Is it really the case that you want to break up? Or are you just afraid she'll leave you or get together with someone else while you're away? My heart is sad for her. And also for you because this could have gone many other ways.


----------



## 06Daddio08

So if sex isn't going the way you like it, have you expressed that to her?


----------



## muskrat

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah, I think I just bit off more than I could chew with her. And I guess I'm trying to exit the stage without bumping into the scenery. My head tells me I should let her go and move on but my d!ck says. "No no no...you ain't going anywhere pal .... "


This is why I will never understand men. Here you are buying her lovely gifts, taking her and her MOM out to dinner, inviting her to dinner at your place, only to tell her to consider dating other people. 



bandit.45 said:


> She's too godamm young for me. Period.
> 
> We were having sex this last Saturday, and she's there enjoying it... Meanwhile this old man is sweating and trying not to convulse in agony while the Charlie horses are wracking through my legs , trying to twist my thighs into pretzels.... Gah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh so now you aren't enjoying it? You make it seem she was the only one who was into it when all this time you've been saying you are so into the sex w/ her. (Deep breath)... she is going to think you are a player and that is a fact.

Also, you are making me wonder if this is how Grandpa felt about me. It's really fcked up when you are younger and like an older man cause age is the one thing you cannot at all alter/change.

People! 

GRRR.


----------



## muskrat

Bandit, why in the world would you sabotage yourself like that? You were happy, she was happy. Just kick back and enjoy the ride.

Oh and for the record I am 35. Would you all stop making me older than I am! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I turn 30 in 2 weeks ... getting so old!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> This is why I will never understand men. Here you are buying her lovely gifts, taking her and her MOM out to dinner, inviting her to dinner at your place, only to tell her to consider dating other people.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh so now you aren't enjoying it? You make it seem she was the only one who was into it when all this time you've been saying you are so into the sex w/ her. (Deep breath)... she is going to think you are a player and that is a fact.
> 
> Also, you are making me wonder if this is how Grandpa felt about me. It's really fcked up when you are younger and like an older man cause age is the one thing you cannot at all alter/change.
> 
> People!
> 
> GRRR.


I have stopped trying to understand men. As humans, some of us, over analyze every thing.
We need to let loose and go with the flow.
This morning two of my co workers were talking (we sit very close by and I sometimes join in) about a hook up this 21 year old had last night.

He hooked up with a 21 year old girl, who will not get a second call. Apparently, she had too many miles on her. Meaning? Her body looks very old. As in sagging boobs etc.

Yes there is a big difference between a 21 year old boy and a 35 year old man, but the essence remains. 

Anyway, hi all!

Bandit, dont be afraid of love  but if she doesnt know what an A track is, she is too young for you bro


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> I turn 30 in 2 weeks ... getting so old!


I think you are another one of us old souls!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Yeah. I said it didn't excite me. He said it would the way we would do it it. Haha. I said no to a couple more attempts at persuasion. So, then he said he wanted something else and described that. I'm going to attribute this to drunkenness.


I would not want to meet him. 
Oh Moxy my dear, I wish you find a wonderful and amazing man to cuddle with you on cold night, and to hold your hand on hot nights


----------



## muskrat

We should start a club, old souls r us. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I don't know why you ladies are having such a hard time understanding men. I know I am very simple and easy to understand. Women on the other hand confuse the hell out of me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> I turn 30 in 2 weeks ... getting so old!


aww how cute, you think 30 is old 

I will be 37 in a month!!!!!!!! 
I want fuming a bit because I want to get laid!!!


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I turn 30 in 2 weeks ... getting so old!


Oh, go shut your front door


----------



## lisab0105

For the record, Bandit, I don't think you did anything wrong. 

It was not going anywhere. What do we always say, be honest, be upfront...right? 

Okay, so he could have been a bit more tactful in the "dating other people" remark. But, come on...she is too freaking young for him. She is going to want things he is in no position to give her eventually. Not to mention, being with someone that is still in the drinking, clubbing, being a twenty-something phase, really is a pain in the ass.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> aww how cute, you think 30 is old
> 
> I will be 37 in a month!!!!!!!!
> I want fuming a bit because I want to get laid!!!


Life is so much more less stressful and enjoyable when you're not so concerned with sex.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Oh, go shut your front door


Okay I did. Now what?


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I don't know why you ladies are having such a hard time understanding men. I know I am very simple and easy to understand. Women on the other hand confuse the hell out of me!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hmm
my recent experience with a man i called blue eyes
All signs pointed he was super into me. (btw, he texted me last night. Not sure how to respond so I havent)

We had great converstations as well, talked about his plans, my plans, his family, friends, etc.

Then one day I said I really lliked him. Next, I told him I would miss him. 
Then he breaks it off because he doesnt do feelings because according to his text last night "Feelings complicate everything"

Oh yeah, his text said

"I want to continue seeing you, I just dont do feelings, they get in the way of things. I told you from the beginning I didnt want anything like that, so when you say things like I like you and such its best not go down that road. I want to continue this, if you are okay with the way I am"

I havent responded because 
A. I want to get laid.
B. I cant even say I like him because it will scared him off!
C. I need to read on FWB so I know exactly what I will get myself into if I agree. I have never had a FWB relationship.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> C. I need to read on FWB so I know exactly what I will get myself into if I agree. I have never had a FWB relationship.


Based on the history of you two, I would caution AGAINST trying a FWB with him.


----------



## vi_bride04

So I had a weird night. Disc golf showed up at my house unannounced, unexpected, no warning TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES. 

Have not made any plans to hang out at all since the last time we saw each other (4/27). Just basic texting about trival sh!t. I feel violated. What if I would have had a guy over or something? I mean there has been NO TALK about exclusivity. In fact, I learned he went out with one of his friends who is a girl who he used to be the OM with twice over the weekend. And he wouldn't stop talking about her last night. Oh and did I mention he IS A VIDEO GAMER??

So the red flags that were in all their blazing glory last night:
1. He is still in contact with an ex that was a highly charged affair (no way I can compete with that nor do I want to)
2. Shows up unannounced showing lack of respect for me and my space
3. Not open to anything I want to watch/talk about. If I like something he counters it. Played those games before - NOPE!

I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, even after not seeing each other for 3 weeks and him cancelling plans a couple of times. But I had a suspicion there was something else going on and I was right. Another girl he is attached to. So yes, when people start to flake out on dates, there is more than likely another person involved. Or video games. Lots and lots of video games 

On another note, I went out with shrink4men hat on Sat. Actually really glad I did. I wasn't going to due to developing a liking to disc golf but figured what the hell. Had an amazing time, and he is really a gentleman. Was our 2nd date and I have known him since Dec. 

I have to say spending time with different guys is an eye opener. I have never "multi dated" like this and it really emphasizes things you have in common with one person and DON'T have in common with the other, even if you thought you did.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> i don't know why you ladies are having such a hard time understanding men. I know i am very simple and easy to understand. Women on the other hand confuse the hell out of me!
> _posted via mobile device_


*Because, THIS:*



ne9907 said:


> then he breaks it off because he doesnt do feelings because according to his text last night "feelings complicate everything"
> 
> oh yeah, his text said
> 
> "i want to continue seeing you, i just dont do feelings, they get in the way of things. I told you from the beginning i didnt want anything like that, so when you say things like i like you and such its best not go down that road. I want to continue this, if you are okay with the way i am"


*AND THIS:*



vi_bride04 said:


> so i had a weird night. Disc golf showed up at my house unannounced, unexpected, no warning to play video games.
> 
> Have not made any plans to hang out at all since the last time we saw each other (4/27). Just basic texting about trival sh!t. I feel violated. What if i would have had a guy over or something? I mean there has been no talk about exclusivity. In fact, i learned he went out with one of his friends who is a girl who he used to be the om with twice over the weekend. And he wouldn't stop talking about her last night. Oh and did i mention he is a video gamer??
> 
> So the red flags that were in all their blazing glory last night:
> 1. He is still in contact with an ex that was a highly charged affair (no way i can compete with that nor do i want to)
> 2. Shows up unannounced showing lack of respect for me and my space
> 3. Not open to anything i want to watch/talk about. If i like something he counters it. Played those games before - nope!
> 
> I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, even after not seeing each other for 3 weeks and him cancelling plans a couple of times. But i had a suspicion there was something else going on and i was right. Another girl he is attached to. So yes, when people start to flake out on dates, there is more than likely another person involved. Or video games. Lots and lots of video games


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I have stopped trying to understand men.


Me, too. Big a$$ mystery I will never understand.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I think I understand women a lot better now. Which may be why I can't really be bothered. Haha.


----------



## lisab0105

06Daddio08 said:


> I think I understand women a lot better now. Which may be why I can't really be bothered. Haha.


You are so ridiculously charming


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Me, too. Big a$$ mystery I will never understand.


Some of us are really not that hard to figure out, simpletons as a matter of fact.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> You are so ridiculously charming


I practice my charm after shutting the front door.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> For the record, Bandit, I don't think you did anything wrong.
> 
> It was not going anywhere. What do we always say, be honest, be upfront...right?
> 
> Okay, so he could have been a bit more tactful in the "dating other people" remark. But, come on...she is too freaking young for him. She is going to want things he is in no position to give her eventually. Not to mention, being with someone that is still in the drinking, clubbing, being a twenty-something phase, really is a pain in the ass.


I think he should have just told her ALL of this. Maybe she is looking for someone to instigate her settling down and give a direction to move on away from that lifestyle?
A lot of us would be surprised at the outcome if you just said what you thought.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I think he should have just told her ALL of this. Maybe she is looking for someone to instigate her settling down and give a direction to move on away from that lifestyle?
> A lot of us would be surprised at the outcome if you just said what you thought.


Hi AP!
Was wondering where you have been


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Bandit, dont be afraid of love  but if she doesnt know what an A track is, she is too young for you bro


I guess I'm not as old as I thought then... What's an A track? Is that the line the train which is the quickest way to Harlem rides on?


----------



## Another Planet

I had a busy day yesterday and a very long night, needed another nap when I got home this morning lol

You know how you ladies say it's hard to give up good D? I'm not sure if I could be satisfied with out this anymore? I THOUGHT I have had good in the past but man every time blows my socks off more then the last. Indescribable honestly, no frickn way am I going to find another sexually compatible woman as her.


----------



## muskrat

Ok ladies, men are not complicated. NE's guy just wants a FWB. Plain and simple! She expressed feelings, he backed off. Since NE recently expressed that she wants to be in love, she should cut him loose.
VI's guy, just wants a playmate. He views her as one of his gaming buddies except he wants to sleep with her.
Neither of these guys are complicated. They want to play their games and live their lives without the stresses of a relationship. They also want to get laid however. As long as you ladies "put out" they will keep coming in and out of your lives when they feel like it. This is why you must establish boundaries. Let them know what YOU want and need. If they are not able to meet your needs, send them packing. For some reason though you ladies will hang on to these men waiting for them to "change" then get mad when they don't.
Once again what is so complicated?


----------



## muskrat

Lon said:


> I guess I'm not as old as I thought then... What's an A track? Is that the line the train which is the quickest way to Harlem rides on?


I believe she meant eight track. She is just to young to know what she is talking about.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Ok ladies, men are not complicated. *NE's guy just wants a FWB. Plain and simple! She expressed feelings, he backed off. Since NE recently expressed that she wants to be in love, she should cut him loose.*
> VI's guy, just wants a playmate. He views her as one of his gaming buddies except he wants to sleep with her.
> Neither of these guys are complicated. They want to play their games and live their lives without the stresses of a relationship. They also want to get laid however. As long as you ladies "put out" they will keep coming in and out of your lives when they feel like it. This is why you must establish boundaries. Let them know what YOU want and need. If they are not able to meet your needs, send them packing. For some reason though you ladies will hang on to these men waiting for them to "change" then get mad when they don't.
> Once again what is so complicated?


yep. Maybe I can do that, but once I am having sex I need to have it daily, he is 39... before we used to see each other twice a week. That does not satisfy me.





muskrat said:


> I believe she meant eight track. She is just to young to know what she is talking about.


haha... yeah, i always thought it was A track, silly me


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> yep. Maybe I can do that, but once I am having sex I need to have it daily, he is 39... before we used to see each other twice a week. That does not satisfy me.


We all want regular sex, but why stay with a guy that you know can not meet your emotional needs. In the end you will just end up hurt again. (see 3x and no chem for an example).
Not to mention while you are wasting your time with blue eyes you may miss out on the guy of your dreams.
Now if all you want is sex, bang away. But just the other day you expressed your desire for love. He has told you plain and simple that you will not get that from him.

So once again I ask, how are men so complicated?


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> We all want regular sex, but why stay with a guy that you know can not meet your emotional needs. In the end you will just end up hurt again. (see 3x and no chem for an example).
> Not to mention while you are wasting your time with blue eyes you may miss out on the guy of your dreams.
> Now if all you want is sex, bang away. But just the other day you expressed your desire for love. He has told you plain and simple that you will not get that from him.
> 
> So once again I ask, how are men so complicated?


You are right, besides sex only twice a week??? I dont think so.

I will pay for a match subscription this weekend. 

BTW for the sake of argument, men are so complicated.....


----------



## lisab0105

Lon said:


> I guess I'm not as old as I thought then... What's an A track? Is that the line the train which is the quickest way to Harlem rides on?


She means 8-track LOL


----------



## muskrat

Nope, women are complicated. They say they want a nice, responsible, family man. But then they blow off the guys that fit that description to go chase after some womanizing player. The chase, chase, chase until he is done using them and then they chase some more. When they finally give up they decide all men are pigs and there are no descent men. Then start the cycle all over again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, but expecting a different result.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Nope, women are complicated. They say they want a nice, responsible, family man. But then they blow off the guys that fit that description to go chase after some womanizing player. The chase, chase, chase until he is done using them and then they chase some more. When they finally give up they decide all men are pigs and there are no descent men.


but but but..... wanna fight???



Another Planet said:


> I had a busy day yesterday and a very long night, needed another nap when I got home this morning lol
> 
> You know how you ladies say it's hard to give up good D? I'm not sure if I could be satisfied with out this anymore? I THOUGHT I have had good in the past but man every time blows my socks off more then the last. Indescribable honestly, no frickn way am I going to find another sexually compatible woman as her.


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Ok ladies, men are not complicated. NE's guy just wants a FWB. Plain and simple! She expressed feelings, he backed off. Since NE recently expressed that she wants to be in love, she should cut him loose.
> *VI's guy, just wants a playmate. He views her as one of his gaming buddies except he wants to sleep with her.
> Neither of these guys are complicated. They want to play their games and live their lives without the stresses of a relationship. They also want to get laid however. As long as you ladies "put out" they will keep coming in and out of your lives when they feel like it. *This is why you must establish boundaries. Let them know what YOU want and need. If they are not able to meet your needs, send them packing.* For some reason though you ladies will hang on to these men waiting for them to "change" then get mad when they don't.*
> Once again what is so complicated?


Nope, disc is gone. And to be honest, I had no problem with what we had going on until screaming red flags came to the surface. I mean don't friends even text to say "hey can I stop by after work?". Showing up unannounced like that makes me think he feels he has a right to stop by unannounced. And no such talk has been spoken other than we are friends that hang out. Yes we have had sex, but it hasn't even happened the past 3 times we've hung out. I think I was put in the "Friend with some benefits once a month" zone

I'm not waiting around for him to change, obviously there are other issues at hand. And I think I am in a way different place than he is when it comes to dating/relationships. Stopping by my house really threw me for a loop though.


----------



## COGypsy

muskrat said:


> I believe she meant eight track. She is just to young to know what she is talking about.


That must be it because I'm older than pretty much all ya'll and I have no clue what an A track is. 

For the record, my guess is it must either be the side of the record with the good songs or an 8 track tape/player.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> but but but..... wanna fight???


Sure, as long as we can have make up sex afterwards. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

muskrat said:


> Sure, as long as we can have make up sex afterwards. :rofl:


See men are simple. Food and sex is all they think about.


----------



## ne9907

My problem is that I dont want to have to go through the TROUBLE of finding someone else, I find dating so tedious!

ugh.... having to talk about myself, share my life, my likes, my passion, etc with a stranger is just ugh...

I have felt like this for about a month now. Maybe I will enjoy dating again soon.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

muskrat said:


> Nope, women are complicated. They say they want a nice, responsible, family man. But then they blow off the guys that fit that description to go chase after some womanizing player. The chase, chase, chase until he is done using them and then they chase some more. When they finally give up they decide all men are pigs and there are no descent men. Then start the cycle all over again.
> 
> The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, but expecting a different result.


Trust me - not ALL women. I had that, he was an ass, I don't want that again. I know better than all men are pigs and I want exactly what you describe. No interest in bad boys AT ALL.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Sure, as long as we can have make up sex afterwards. :rofl:


Narnia is the word.... or maybe is verb... or maybe it is A track!!

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

oh... i crack myself up.


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian and I have not broken up per se. In fact this morning we talked about me flying her to Denver yo spend a weekend with me. I have enough flyer miles to do it for no charge. Do I think I will. She wants to hook up when I get back. 

I just wanted to give her the option of seeing others. I want her to because I'm still not convinced I want to go steady with her. I like her immensely, lust after her constantly, but I'm not feeling those pangs of infatuation that I've had with other women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

I'm so glad I don't have to go to the trouble of having to find sex nightly, what a pain that would be. I'm glad I have a steady GF that likes it once a week or every other week with me. Gives me time for my favorite activity (which is to actually think about sex).


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Syrian and I have not broken up per se. In fact this morning we talked about me flying her to Denver yo spend a weekend with me. I have enough flyer miles to do it for no charge. Do I think I will. She wants to hook up when I get back.
> 
> I just wanted to give her the option of seeing others. I want her to because I'm still not convinced I want to go steady with her. I like her immensely, lust after her constantly, but I'm not feeling those pangs of infatuation that I've had with other women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My (completely spectator viewpoint) advice is to let her figure it out for herself if she wants to see others or not.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian and I have not broken up per se. In fact this morning we talked about me flying her to Denver yo spend a weekend with me. I have enough flyer miles to do it for no charge. Do I think I will. She wants to hook up when I get back.
> 
> I just wanted to give her the option of seeing others. I want her to because I'm still not convinced I want to go steady with her. I like her immensely, *lust after her constantly, but I'm not feeling those pangs of infatuation *that I've had with other women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is the difference between lust and infatuation?


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian and I have not broken up per se. In fact this morning we talked about me flying her to Denver yo spend a weekend with me. I have enough flyer miles to do it for no charge. Do I think I will. She wants to hook up when I get back.
> 
> I just wanted to give her the option of seeing others. I want her to because I'm still not convinced I want to go steady with her. I like her immensely, lust after her constantly, but I'm not feeling those pangs of infatuation that I've had with other women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's always good to clarify intentions, especially when distance will be a factor. That being said, there's a ton of skirt to chase in Denver. Granted, in that age range it's probably more granola hipster girls than exotic specimens, but you can hit any scene in town and walk away with numbers at least, if not companionship. You can both look at your options during this time.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> What is the difference between lust and infatuation?


I feel cheesy for saying it, but it's the intellectual stimulation I'm missing. She and I are on different wavelengths.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> It's always good to clarify intentions, especially when distance will be a factor. That being said, there's a ton of skirt to chase in Denver. Granted, in that age range it's probably more granola hipster girls than exotic specimens, but you can hit any scene in town and walk away with numbers at least, if not companionship. You can both look at your options during this time.


I won't be going out Gypsy. This is a fast build project. 7 days a week 12 hours a day. I'll have enough time to eat and go to bed at night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

bandit.45 said:


> I feel cheesy for saying it, but it's the intellectual stimulation I'm missing. She and I are on different wavelengths.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was waiting for this..........


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I feel cheesy for saying it, but it's the intellectual stimulation I'm missing. She and I are on different wavelengths.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand. I have been texting a 30 yo guy since early March. He is very nice, charming, but he acts like a big kid. He does not have a steady job either, pr plans for retirement!!!
He is always mentioning how beautiful I am and how he wishes he could take me out on a date. But he is not what I am looking for. He doesnt have his future together. 

He is into a lot of the things I am, but he is not quite a great conversationalist as I would like.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I feel cheesy for saying it, but it's the *intellectual stimulation* I'm missing. She and I are on different wavelengths.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think there is anything cheesy about this statement. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I could be seriously interested in someone based solely physical contact. I would need in addtition:


Sanity
Maturity
Independence (not interested in being someone's daddy or constant source of entertainment)
Conversational intellect (I don't need someone who is necessarily at the same educational level but can hold a conversation about everyday news or important issues of the day). Oh and not necessarily someone who always agrees with me, I like a challenge


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> I don't think there is anything cheesy about this statement. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I could be seriously interested in someone based solely physical contact. I would need in addtition:
> 
> 
> Sanity
> Maturity
> Independence (not interested in being someone's daddy or constant source of entertainment)
> Conversational intellect (I don't need someone who is necessarily at the same educational level but can hold a conversation about everyday news or important issues of the day). Oh and not necessarily someone who always agrees with me, I like a challenge


Maturity and conversational intellect are the two areas where she and I diverge. 

For a 28 year old she has it together. She's much more screwed on than I was at her age. But we just have nothing in common when it comes to politics, world view, spiritual views, etc . It's frustrating talking to her. I usually just sit there and listen to her prattle. And when she's with girlfriends? Oh Sheezus. I want to chew my tongue off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Maturity and conversational intellect are the two areas where she and I diverge.
> 
> For a 28 year old she has it together. She's much more screwed on than I was at her age. But we just have nothing in common when it comes to politics, world view, spiritual views, etc . It's frustrating talking to her. I usually just sit there and listen to her prattle. And when she's with girlfriends? Oh Sheezus. I want to chew my tongue off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry bandit but this is freaking hillarious!!!

I recently had an experience like this, after it was done, I told myself. NOPE. NEVER. AGAIN.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Maturity and conversational intellect are the two areas where she and I diverge.
> 
> For a 28 year old she has it together. She's much more screwed on than I was at her age. But we just have nothing in common when it comes to politics, world view, spiritual views, etc . *It's frustrating talking to her. I usually just sit there and listen to her prattle.* And when she's with girlfriends? Oh Sheezus. I want to chew my tongue off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HAHAHAHA!!!

I totally get this. Its like listening to disc ramble on about the latest vid game and downloadable content.


----------



## bandit.45

I sang her an old Simon and Garfunkle song once and she asked me which Bruno Mars album it was from. 

Seriously. 

I must have just sat there for a minute staring at her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> I sang her an old Simon and Garfunkle song once and she asked me which Bruno Mars album it was from.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> I must have just sat there for a minute staring at her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

Bruno Mars? That is wrong on so many levels.

Ok, Bandit, I get it.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> HAHAHAHA!!!
> 
> I totally get this. Its like listening to disc ramble on about the latest vid game and downloadable content.


Oh god....worse. I have never been with a woman who expends so many words saying absolutely nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

But oh my sweet lord in heaven, she has the most rocking face and body of any woman I've ever been with...bar none. Mm mm mm....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I sang her an old Simon and Garfunkle song once and she asked me which Bruno Mars album it was from.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> I must have just sat there for a minute staring at her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:




bandit.45 said:


> Oh god....worse. I have never been with a woman who expends so many words saying absolutely nothing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol::lol::lol:


and yet... you remain a slave to her plentiful bussom and very young lady parts!!

:rofl:


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I feel cheesy for saying it, but it's the intellectual stimulation I'm missing. She and I are on different wavelengths.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's a good reason to cool it. She wants more. You're not sure if you're compatible outside the bedroom.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :lol::lol::lol:
> 
> 
> and yet... you remain a slave to her plentiful bussom and very young lady parts!!
> 
> :rofl:


Like Rat said. Men are simple creatures.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> That's a good reason to cool it. She wants more. You're not sure if you're compatible outside the bedroom.


Moxy, you have stimulated me more in the very few TAM exchanges we've had. I'm not kidding. Outside the bedroom the conversations with her have been juvenile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> But oh my sweet lord in heaven, she has the most rocking face and body of any woman I've ever been with...bar none. Mm mm mm....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would like to see a picture of this Syrian. 

I am curious!


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I sang her an old *Simon* and Garfunkle song once and she asked me which Bruno Mars album it was from.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> I must have just sat there for a minute staring at her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My two favorite 

AMERICAN TUNE by Paul Simon/September 5, 1974 - YouTube

Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al - YouTube


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Oh god....worse. I have never been with a woman who expends so many words saying absolutely nothing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





bandit.45 said:


> Moxy, you have stimulated me more in the very few TAM exchanges we've had. I'm not kidding. Outside the bedroom the conversations with her have been juvenile.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hear this alot from the more intelligent guys I have gone out with. They seem to be shocked I don't watch reality TV and take tons of selfies. Seems like alot of the younger gen is just "dumb". 

Idiocracy if you will?

No offense to anyone here that is younger than 30ish. If you were one of these people you wouldn't be posting on TAM!


----------



## Ikaika

Bandit you can really throw Syrian off by telling her that there was this guy once named Cat Stevens (born Steven Demetre Georgiou) but now known as Yusuf Islam 

Yusuf Islam - Peace Train - OUTSTANDING! - YouTube


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I would like to see a picture of this Syrian.
> 
> I am curious!


Me too! In fact, I just checked Bandit's profile earlier today hoping he had one posted!


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Moxy, you have stimulated me more in the very few TAM exchanges we've had. I'm not kidding. Outside the bedroom the conversations with her have been juvenile.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I am kind of awesome.  Just teasing. Thank you for the kind words. Keep in mind that I'm a writer and words are my thing; they aren't everybody's thing. And, is there such a thing as an "outside the bedroom conversation"? I seem to be unable to find it. :slap: Again, just teasing.

Have you tried directing the conversation toward more intellectually rigorous topics? Do you think she'd enjoy going to a lecture or deconstructing a movie you've watched together? It might be something she is into, if you give her a chance. Of course, if you don't want to be in that sort of a role, I can see the drawback.

So, conversation really does matter when you're looking for a relationship that is more than just hooking up. I liked Hot Neighbor, but his interests (and values) are very different from mine. I can't look at him without getting all distracted, but our conversations have always been limited, unless we discussed our personal experiences and lives. Sometimes, I'd have to explain my bedroom compliments; but he's only 26, so it's not surprising (he is actually rather smart and ambitious, just young; I like the sweetness). Of course, I have no idea how this would jive with the rest of my world, if we ever moved towards a light-on kinda relationship. It might be an age thing. I met a 35 year old guy who was also hot, also from a similar ex-military and industry background, and we had lots and lots and lots of incredibly stimulating conversation; his words felt lyrical and all I wanted was for him to keep talking and also move us over to the bedroom already. Alas, all we do is talk, and it's okay by me for now (you can't bang everybody), but there is something really wonderful about intense conversation. In fact, one of the things I loved about exh (aside from his extreme underwear-model hotness) was the fact that we had such amazing conversations; I miss those more than the sex, sometimes.



vi_bride04 said:


> I hear this alot from the more intelligent guys I have gone out with. They seem to be shocked I don't watch reality TV and take tons of selfies. Seems like alot of the younger gen is just "dumb".
> 
> Idiocracy if you will?
> 
> No offense to anyone here that is younger than 30ish. If you were one of these people you wouldn't be posting on TAM!


I take tons of selfies -- sometimes, I do it ironically.  I don't care for reality TV though; I don't really understand its appeal.

vi, I think you're right that it has something to do with generational culture.



3Xnocharm said:


> Me too! In fact, I just checked Bandit's profile earlier today hoping he had one posted!


In my mind, she looks like a cross between Monica Belucci and Salma Hayek.


----------



## Another Planet

I freakin hate TV. I pay like $200 a month just so my son can watch some mentally challenged cartoon characters call each other stupid in various manors and my daughter can be told by some princess that shes not good enough with out a man or her besties.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Another Planet said:


> I freakin hate TV. I pay like $200 a month just so my son can watch some mentally challenged cartoon characters call each other stupid in various manors and my daughter can be told by some princess that shes not good enough with out a man or her besties.


Then why do you let them watch it or pay the money to keep the offensive channels? It's not like you are powerless to stop them. Tell them to go play outside or with their toys. I don't understand statements like this. You _hate_ something but you continue to willingly provide them with access to the content.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I would like to see a picture of this Syrian.
> 
> I am curious!


I'm mobile right now. I'll PM you a pic tonight when I have my laptop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> Bandit you can really throw Syrian off by telling her that there was this guy once named Cat Stevens (born Steven Demetre Georgiou) but now known as Yusuf Islam
> 
> Yusuf Islam - Peace Train - OUTSTANDING! - YouTube


I'll never forgive Islam for fvcking him up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I freakin hate TV. I pay like $200 a month just so my son can watch some mentally challenged cartoon characters call each other stupid in various manors and my daughter can be told by some princess that shes not good enough with out a man or her besties.


$30 a month for internet (wait, I think Comcast is pricier than Charter)
HD Antena from Best Buy/Radio Shack to get over their local channels
Roku box or whatever other device you can stream Hulu, Netflix, Amazon video from.

Done and done. 

I have not had TV service for almost 2 years now. Don't miss it at all. Nice detoxing from MSM for sure.


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> Bandit you can really throw Syrian off by telling her that there was this guy once named Cat Stevens (born Steven Demetre Georgiou) but now known as Yusuf Islam
> 
> Yusuf Islam - Peace Train - OUTSTANDING! - YouTube





BetrayedDad said:


> Then why do you let them watch it or pay the money to keep the offensive channels? It's not like you are powerless to stop them. Tell them to go play outside or with their toys. I don't understand statements like this. You _hate_ something but you continue to willingly provide them with access to the content.


As my daughter is singing this song while I listen to it while painting at her arts and crafts table that she shares in my office. 

My children are all advanced placement in school. I provide them with ALL avenues that they even show remote interest in. My son likes theatre, he likes acting and stars in every school play. 
I support all forms of culture. 
I am also not a dckhead and try to control my children. 
Tell me more about how to be a parent?


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> But oh my sweet lord in heaven, she has the most rocking face and body of any woman I've ever been with...bar none. Mm mm mm....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, to be blunt, you are starting to sound like a user.  Not an attractive trait.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> $30 a month for internet (wait, I think Comcast is pricier than Charter)
> HD Antena from Best Buy/Radio Shack to get over their local channels
> Roku box or whatever other device you can stream Hulu, Netflix, Amazon video from.
> 
> Done and done.
> 
> I have not had TV service for almost 2 years now. Don't miss it at all. Nice detoxing from MSM for sure.


I can only pick up one ota channel where I live, so I don't even bother. I go all Netflix and internet, plus torrents for hard to find stuff. Commercial free, plus I save a lot of money which I can use for the cinema.


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> Ok, to be blunt, you are starting to sound like a user.  Not an attractive trait.


Yeah. I won't argue with that , but I don't believe I use her maliciously. I give as much or more than I take. She hasn't lost anything being with me. Just her time. All I'm saying is that it's the physical attraction that keeps me locked in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix are you a dude or a chick?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Looking for someone to go watch the NBA play offs with me. OKC vs LA Clippers!!

I do not want to go watch this game alone!
SO i texted blue eyes, responding to his text, and he said 
"Sorry made plans for tonight"

Well, screw you Mr. Busy. I shall not text again.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL Ne you can't expect him to be waiting around for you. You wouldn't like him if he did that anyway. He responded politely, just respect that and next time let him know a little sooner.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> LOL Ne you can't expect him to be waiting around for you. You wouldn't like him if he did that anyway. He responded politely, just respect that and next time let him know a little sooner.


Et tu, Brute?

lol, I am kidding AP. I know, but I expect people, and by people, I mean men, to jump at the chance to be around me!
Yeah, very ilogical..... this happens when i am bored out of my ass and my stupid co worker flaked out on me! She was supposed to go watch the game with me!!!!!

I really wanna get out and watch it, I might just venture out by myself!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Et tu, Brute?
> 
> lol, I am kidding AP. I know, but I expect people, and by people, I mean men, to jump at the chance to be around me!
> Yeah, very ilogical..... this happens when i am bored out of my ass and my stupid co worker flaked out on me! She was supposed to go watch the game with me!!!!!
> 
> I really wanna get out and watch it, I might just venture out by myself!


LOL "Et tu, Brute"... I love wit in a woman 
Take a leap go by your self, what's the worst that could happen? You meet a couple hot guys that take you out for a drink after the game?


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> Ok, to be blunt, you are starting to sound like a user.  Not an attractive trait.



Fenix, I'm not trying to be rude or contrary, but can you explain the connection you're seeing between physical attraction and exploitation? Are you suggesting that one who responds to physical lust, even when one isn't invested in the love object's intellectual charms is exploiting that person? Or, are you suggesting that, in this case, it feels like someone is leading someone else on? Or, is it the casual and short term aspect that indicates being used? Or, something else? I am asking because I am interested in how people define terms and values. Not all people see "use" in the same way; so I was hoping you might clarify?

Background context: I've given up on the ideal if the pure, ever after fairy tale relationship and am now curious about all the other stuff out there and how people regard that stuff.


----------



## vi_bride04

Ne, how often do you do things by yourself and feel comfortable with? Movies? Dinner? Concerts? Anything like that?


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Ne, how often do you do things by yourself and feel comfortable with? Movies? Dinner? Concerts? Anything like that?


Hiking, running, or walking. Only things I feel comfortable doing by myself.
But I will go watch this game to a sports bar by myself tonight!

I must push my social limits.

I just dont want people approaching me and making small chit chat.... it is annoying. If you havent noticed, I am an introvert.


EDIT! Main reason why I am giving the blue eyes fiasco another chance, I DO NOT want to go through the trouble of finding another person to have sex with. 
And NO, I DO NOT LIKE this trait about myself. I am so settling for a FWB, WTF??


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Hiking, running, or walking. Only things I feel comfortable doing by myself.
> But I will go watch this game to a sports bar by myself tonight!
> 
> I must push my social limits.
> 
> I just dont want people approaching me and making small chit chat.... it is annoying. If you havent noticed, I am an introvert.
> 
> 
> EDIT! Main reason why I am giving the blue eyes fiasco another chance, I DO NOT want to go through the trouble of finding another person to have sex with.
> And NO, I DO NOT LIKE this trait about myself. I am so settling for a FWB, WTF??


FWB have to be friends first, which means investing emotions. Blue don't want that, he was never a friend, he was a FB.

If you don't want chit chat, don't go out to pub alone.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Hiking, running, or walking. Only things I feel comfortable doing by myself.
> But I will go watch this game to a sports bar by myself tonight!
> 
> I must push my social limits.
> 
> I just dont want people approaching me and making small chit chat.... it is annoying. If you havent noticed, I am an introvert.
> 
> 
> EDIT! Main reason why I am giving the blue eyes fiasco another chance, I DO NOT want to go through the trouble of finding another person to have sex with.
> And NO, I DO NOT LIKE this trait about myself. I am so settling for a FWB, WTF??


Introverted AND practical.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> LOL "Et tu, Brute"... I love wit in a woman
> Take a leap go by your self, what's the worst that could happen? You meet a couple hot guys that take you out for a drink after the game?


A couple of hot guys?! I don't think she's into MFM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> EDIT! Main reason why I am giving the blue eyes fiasco another chance, I DO NOT want to go through the trouble of finding another person to have sex with.
> And NO, I DO NOT LIKE this trait about myself. I am so settling for a FWB, WTF??


Hmmm, I am thinking this is a BAD idea....


----------



## ne9907

Why do you think is a bad idea 3X?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Why do you think is a bad idea 3X?


Because you were already feeling "feelings" for him, and he is clear that he does not/will not do feelings. Sex will just make you feel closer and closer over time. You are trying to take the easy way out and its going to end up costing you your heart and your dignity. Take it from someone who knows.


----------



## bandit.45

There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup: Holy ****! 0_0
Stamp of AP approval


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pretty, pretty!


----------



## moxy

I've got a stack of work to do the size of my head. I am so tired, though, that all I want is to sleep.


----------



## bandit.45

Moxy why do you work at night?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, I'm an English Professor and this is finals week. So many essays to grade. I've been in my office since 7am; I got home at 7pm and took a 2 hour break. I'm still not done, so...homework.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So pretty!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is very pretty! 
No wonder your are pvssy whipped 

Btw I came to the sports bar by myself and I had a good time!!

3x, I will keep your words into consideration, when I was single I was pretty good at detaching my feelings. I think I can do it again.


----------



## bandit.45

Pvssy whipped as they come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I missed it


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. I won't argue with that , but I don't believe I use her maliciously. I give as much or more than I take. She hasn't lost anything being with me. Just her time. All I'm saying is that it's the physical attraction that keeps me locked in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know. I just think she is starting to get attached and is going to get hurt. If you guys are on the same page, I would say go for it and have fun. Still, you meeting her mother? That doesn't just say play date...


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> Fenix, I'm not trying to be rude or contrary, but can you explain the connection you're seeing between physical attraction and exploitation? Are you suggesting that one who responds to physical lust, even when one isn't invested in the love object's intellectual charms is exploiting that person? Or, are you suggesting that, in this case, it feels like someone is leading someone else on? Or, is it the casual and short term aspect that indicates being used? Or, something else? I am asking because I am interested in how people define terms and values. Not all people see "use" in the same way; so I was hoping you might clarify?
> 
> Background context: I've given up on the ideal if the pure, ever after fairy tale relationship and am now curious about all the other stuff out there and how people regard that stuff.


It is not the physical attraction angle so much in that it is only the physical attraction and the lack of respect for much else that is coming through (to me) If I were her, I would feel very hurt about the comments on intelligence etc. I also think that she may not be on the same page, so perhaps Bandit's initial thoughts about her dating while he is gone and saying that are right on. Her reaction of being hurt points that this is more for her. Plus the whole mother thing. So, yeah, if they were on the same page, I don't see it as using. I don't think they are though (not anymore).

Casual is fine, short term is great. Physical attraction is fine though *at the expense of all else*??? For me, not so much, but ymmv, and I am cool with that.

I like Bandit's persona here, so I am not trying to be hurtful. The situation is just edging into new territory...


And Bandit, I am a chick.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> But I had a suspicion there was something else going on and I was right. Another girl he is attached to. So yes, when people start to flake out on dates, there is more than likely another person involved. *Or video games. Lots and lots of video games *






muskrat said:


> Ok ladies, men are not complicated.
> 
> As long as you ladies "put out" they will keep coming in and out of your lives when they feel like it.
> 
> Once again what is so complicated?


I hear what you are saying. I do. But it's the presentation. For instance, if a man SAYS one thing but then does something else, it IS confusing. And therein lies the puzzle of what we mean when we say some men are confusing. I like to look at actions. But it's hard to argue w/ the fact that when someone tells you they are going to do something after spending a great time together...and then they do the opposite--that is confusing. And it's bullsh*t, too. It is hypocrisy.

Also, the "putting out" thing isn't always it. I've had guys pull a weird move if even if we haven't slept together so that's not always it. 



drerio said:


> If I were in your shoes, I don't think I could be seriously interested in someone based solely physical contact. I would need in addtition:
> 
> 
> *Sanity*
> Maturity
> Independence
> Conversational intellect


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> his words felt lyrical and all I wanted was for him to keep talking and also move us over to the bedroom already


I love when this happens. 



bandit.45 said:


> There is a pic of Syrian on my profile under the albums.


Missed it. I don't see anything.



Fenix said:


> It is not the physical attraction angle so much in that it is only the physical attraction and the lack of respect for much else that is coming through (to me) If I were her, I would feel very hurt about the comments on intelligence etc.
> 
> Casual is fine, short term is great. Physical attraction is fine though *at the expense of all else*??? For me, not so much, but ymmv, and I am cool with that.


This is how I see it, too.

It's the old: good enough for sex but not enough for anything else. And that'd be fine as long as he weren't courting her and leading her to believe something else. It's the execution. If a man just comes out and says: "I only want a sexual relationship with you; I do not think we are compatible enough for dating or a relationship," that is one thing. I admire and respect anyone who puts those cards on the table-because they are being honest. Granted, now he's said his piece about how she should look into dating someone else (after taking her and her mom to that dinner and also gifting her with some VS stuff--signs that point to someone caring a little more than just for a FWB)--if I were her, I'd fall back, unless she only wants to sleep with him. But her reaction to what he said was telling. It's the whole "say one thing but do another." I am not a fan of that. It's hurtful to the other person.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I missed it


Kinda reminded me of Rashida Jones


----------



## Jellybeans

Rashida is hot. For sure.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> It is not the physical attraction angle so much in that it is only the physical attraction and the lack of respect for much else that is coming through (to me) If I were her, I would feel very hurt about the comments on intelligence etc. I also think that she may not be on the same page, so perhaps Bandit's initial thoughts about her dating while he is gone and saying that are right on. Her reaction of being hurt points that this is more for her. Plus the whole mother thing. So, yeah, if they were on the same page, I don't see it as using. I don't think they are though (not anymore).
> 
> Casual is fine, short term is great. Physical attraction is fine though *at the expense of all else*??? For me, not so much, but ymmv, and I am cool with that.
> 
> I like Bandit's persona here, so I am not trying to be hurtful. The situation is just edging into new territory...
> 
> 
> And Bandit, I am a chick.


I admit, tho I wasn't going to say anything, it was the word "prattle" that most made me feel as if there was no respect there. Not having similar interests doesn't mean she isn't intelligent. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. 

"Prattling on" seems to me she's talking about stuff that she finds interesting or important and you don't, Bandit. If you two don't value the same things or you don't care about whatever she's talking about, then it seems you don't really care much about what's in her head and this is a 'just sex' relationship. The question is, does SHE know that.

Her chatter is most likely stuff that you don't find important any longer due to differences in maturity, paired with dissimilar interests in general. If she's fine with being F buddies then great. But don't spend time trying to look like you're listening and hanging out with friends. Just screw her and go home, but don't DATE.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Rashida is hot. For sure.


Where can I order one of her? Hell, I'll take two!


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I admit, tho I wasn't going to say anything, it was the word "prattle" that most made me feel as if there was no respect there.
> 
> But don't spend time trying to look like you're listening and hanging out with friends. Just screw her and go home, but don't DATE.


I picked up on that too, quoted it, was going to make a comment about it, but then started talking about something else. 

Yeah that "prattling" comment stood out to me. It made it seem like Syrian was a nuissance to him. Which is why I agree with what you said about just telling her straight up it's a SEX situation and nothing else--way even bother with the courting/dating as a front when all he wants is to sleep with her? 



06Daddio08 said:


> Where can I order one of her? Hell, I'll take two!


Just for you, Daddio. She is hot and smart and so far I am liking your taste in women.


----------



## ne9907

Which begs the question.
If the sex is amazing, mind blowing, would most people date and eventually marry the object of their lust?


----------



## Jellybeans

I need more than good sex for a relationship.

As you know, marriage is not an option for me. Not on the menu/agenda/goal. LOL.


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> I missed it


Answer my friend request and it will let you see it on my profile.


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> Which begs the question.
> 
> If the sex is amazing, mind blowing, would most people date and eventually marry the object of their lust?



No! No doubt sex has to be good and is important (after all I did not become a priest) but I need sanity, mental stimulation, etc...


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> I need more than good sex for a relationship.
> 
> As you know, marriage is not an option for me. Not on the menu/agenda/goal. LOL.


It's not for me either. Syrian and I had a long talk late last night and she's obviously looking for more out of the relationship than I am. We agreed to cool it while I'm gone. 

She's going to continue dating and I'm going to do my traveling construction guy thing. 

As for the dinner with her mom., originally I was just going to take Syrian, then she asked if her mom could come, then it was a coupld more friends. By the end of the night I had laid down $700. Not what I was planning. I also spent until 2:30 a.m. being the DD and driving four drunk women home. I didn't complain, and even though I didn't have a good time, I kept a smile on my face.

So yeah, I guess I'm a user and it's all about the sex huh? 

And Jelly I don't know why you can't see the pic. We're TAM friends, you should be able to see it in the albums.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> It's not for me either. Syrian and I had a long talk late last night and she's obviously looking for more out of the relationship than I am. We agreed to cool it while I'm gone.
> 
> She's going to continue dating and I'm going to do my traveling construction guy thing.
> *
> As for the dinner with her mom., originally I was just going to take Syrian, then she asked if her mom could come, then it was a coupld more friends. By the end of the night I had laid down $700. Not what I was planning. I also spent until 2:30 a.m. being the DD and driving four drunk women home. I didn't complain, and even though I didn't have a good time, I kept a smile on my face.
> *
> So yeah, I guess I'm a user and it's all about the sex huh?
> 
> And Jelly I don't know why you can't see the pic. We're TAM friends, you should be able to see it in the albums.


WOW, that was TOTALLY out of line on her part!  Crazy!


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> As for the dinner with her mom., originally I was just going to take Syrian, then she asked if her mom could come, then it was a coupld more friends. By the end of the night I had laid down $700. Not what I was planning. I also spent unti l2:30 a.m. being the DD and driving four drun wiomen home. I didn't complain, and even though I didn't have a good time, I kept a smile on my face.
> 
> So yeah, I guess I'm a user and it's all about the sex huh?


Oh, come on, Bandit. We can only make inferences from what you post and you did not mention ANY of what you just posted previously. Just that her chatter was boring to you and you don't feel on the same level mentally with her and you want more in that respect and that you are worried she gets hit on a lot, etc. 

$700? You know, you didn't HAVE to pay. 



And now I sound like my mom. Lol. 

Re: the sex, you said yourself that it is the physical attraction holding you in there--so that is on you buddy. 

Nonetheless: good idea to pull it off. Seems you arne't on the same page; you want sex and seem resentful of her age/beauty/gaggle of friends coming along and she wants more from you than just a roll in the hay.

This is a fundamental difference.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 

Unless of course all she wants is just plain sex with you, too. 



bandit.45 said:


> And Jelly I don't know why you can't see the pic. We're TAM friends, you should be able to see it in the albums.


I do not understand that either. Weird.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> WOW, that was TOTALLY out of line on her part!  Crazy!


Idk, 3x. He didn't HAVE to do anything he did. He chose to.

I personally wouldn't have dealt with any of that and sure as hell wouldn't have picked up the bill for all those people. Phone call to cab is more my style.


----------



## coffee4me

Popping in to say Thank You!! to all of you sharing your stories. 

I'm not dating but you can see from the occasional likes that I read this thread. I'm learning a lot from your experiences. 

One day I might be date- or not based on some of these stories  

Back to the dating sagas


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ugh, I hate to do this, but I am going to have to block someone on here, only the second person I have ever done so. (the other was because they were SUPER ANNOYING!!) I know a couple of you have posted in ella1048's various threads, and I just cant take it. I get sucked into them even though I know exactly what it is about every single time. They seriously stress me out and affect me, I want to just shake her violently and tell her to snap the fvck out of it! I cant take women acting like the victim like that, and never doing a damn thing about it, and continuing to post about it. So I need to step away and the only way I can is to block her.  Do any of the rest of you get this affected by other posters?


----------



## COGypsy

Oh honey....my "ignore" list is half a screen big. And that's on my big work monitors....


----------



## Jellybeans

3x--interesting--I never noticed Ella before but just realized I posted in that thread. Haha. But you know there is someone else who annoys me.  HAHAHA

I don't generally block people but there are some posters I really don't care for or avoid their threads altogether because what they say does not interest me.

There is someone on TAM who is annoying & seems to occasionally follow me around from thread to thread. I think they love me.



coffee4me said:


> Popping in to say Thank You!! to all of you sharing your stories.
> 
> I'm not dating but you can see from the occasional likes that I read this thread. I'm learning a lot from your experiences.


Haha. So glad we can entertain you.W e do have some pretty epic stories in here.

Can't wait for you to join in and share some of yours when the time comes


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Oh honey....my "ignore" list is half a screen big. And that's on my big work monitors....


:rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Idk, 3x. He didn't HAVE to do anything he did. He chose to.
> 
> I personally wouldn't have dealt with any of that and sure as hell wouldn't have picked up the bill for all those people. Phone call to cab is more my style.


I'm a generous guy. I have the money and I didn't mind paying the tab. I just did not have that much fun being sober while they got drunk. Plus, when we went to the dancefloor I was having to bat the guys away from Syrian all night. She was the prettiest woman there, and single men in Scottsdale are like pumas.... 

But yeah, as much as I like her, there is nothing there for me emotionally or intellectually. So we have agreed to just back way off from the whole thing. I fly out tomorrow morning. 

She is upset, but she thanked me for being honest with her. So.... I dunno. 

I'm not good at this dating stuff.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Ugh, I hate to do this, but I am going to have to block someone on here, only the second person I have ever done so. (the other was because they were SUPER ANNOYING!!) I know a couple of you have posted in ella1048's various threads, and I just cant take it. I get sucked into them even though I know exactly what it is about every single time. They seriously stress me out and affect me, I want to just shake her violently and tell her to snap the fvck out of it! I cant take women acting like the victim like that, and never doing a damn thing about it, and continuing to post about it. So I need to step away and the only way I can is to block her.  Do any of the rest of you get this affected by other posters?


Yes there are a couple I just don't bother responding to. I don't have them on my ignore list, I just let my eyes breeze past what they wrote.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I'm a generous guy. I have the money and I didn't mind paying the tab.


I hear you. But you made a point of posting about it how much you spent which is why I said that.



bandit.45 said:


> But yeah, as much as I like her, there is nothing there for me emotionally or intellectually. So we have agreed to just back way off from the whole thing.


Good idea'r. (Lol).



bandit.45 said:


> I'm not good at this dating stuff.


You are not alone! Sometimes it seems I don't have a CLUE about dating.


----------



## KnottedStomach

coffee4me said:


> Popping in to say Thank You!! to all of you sharing your stories.
> 
> I'm not dating but you can see from the occasional likes that I read this thread. I'm learning a lot from your experiences.
> 
> One day I might be date- or not based on some of these stories
> 
> Back to the dating sagas


I want to second this, except for the likes since I hardly log in. But I do appreciate the stories .


----------



## bandit.45

I'm going to miss that sex though. Hoof!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I like the name Ella
I am going to legally change my name to:

Ella Encantada.


----------



## Jellybeans

I like that, Ne.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think I only have one person blocked. I do want to shake some people sometimes but generally I just give up on them and leave them to their pity party.


----------



## Ikaika

I am sure I am on plenty of members ignore list, I will try to keep it on the down low. Speaking of which, today is my last final to give, now comes the fun part, grading ugh. Do I have to read this stuff?  Watching students take an exam, it is like watching paint dry on the walls.


----------



## Jellybeans

HELL YES for almost being done with the semester, Uncle Dre!



drerio said:


> now comes the fun part, grading ugh. *Do I have to read this stuff? * Watching students take an exam, it is like watching paint dry on the walls.


:rofl: If only they knew you were thinking that. 
Do you ever read some of their papers/answers and think "Goodness, they are so dumb?"

Moxy, I am posing the same goes for you, too.

LOOOOL


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> HELL YES for almost being done with the semester, Uncle Dre!
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: If only they knew you were thinking that.
> Do you ever read some of their papers/answers and think "Goodness, they are so dumb?"
> 
> Moxy, I am posing the same goes for you, too.
> 
> LOOOOL


I never think "they are so dumb" as much as I think, did they not understand the concepts I was trying to convey to them? Or, me being me, I usually figure it was my fault for not making sure they understood what I was trying get across to them. 

Remember these are wanna be nurses and other medical professionals. The way I see it, they really should know this stuff. 

I present a lot of concepts in problem solving format. So as much as I think it is important to memorize "stuff", I really want them to be able to apply it. I know, I am a meanie.


----------



## coffee4me

drerio said:


> I present a lot of concepts in problem solving format. So as much as I think it is important to memorize "stuff", I really want them to be able to apply it. I know, I am a meanie.


I really agree with this method in college, I'm not so sure I agree with it in jr high and high school with the common core being forced on us. The focus seems to be its not important to memorize stuff as long as you learn to apply it. How can you apply things you don't remember?


----------



## lisab0105

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think I only have one person blocked. I do want to shake some people sometimes but generally I just give up on them and leave them to their pity party.


I probably should have made use the of the block feature a long time ago, would have saved me from a few bans.


----------



## Another Planet

Bandit it honestly sounds like you are trying to convince yourself out of Syrian. In my opinion if you have to convince your self in either direction in or out of a relationship it shouldn't be one to begin with.
If it's not a Fvck YES it's a heII NO!


----------



## Another Planet

You guys go elsewhere on TAM?! I feel betrayed  lol


----------



## lisab0105

Yes, some of us are equal opportunity TAM users, AP.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think I only have one person blocked. I do want to shake some people sometimes but generally I just give up on them and leave them to their pity party.


I dont know why it is, but I get sucked into her threads every freaking time.  So block I must!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I dont know why it is, but I get sucked into her threads every freaking time.  So block I must!


I used to get like that, I haven't blocked anyone although I've been (allegedly) blocked. They then went ahead and did themselves in about a year later.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Bandit it honestly sounds like you are trying to convince yourself out of Syrian. In my opinion if you have to convince your self in either direction in or out of a relationship it shouldn't be one to begin with.
> If it's not a Fvck YES it's a heII NO!


You're right AP. I don't belong in this one. It was nice to have a young woman's attentions, but I had nothing to offer her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> You're right AP. I don't belong in this one. It was nice to have a young woman's attentions, but I had nothing to offer her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was your Summer Lady


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg, Dre... love those guys' hair. LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> but I had nothing to offer her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes you do...money. don't think that hasn't played a part in her wanting "more" out of the relationship. What man her age drop the kind of money you have on her?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I dont know why it is, but I get sucked into her threads every freaking time.  So block I must!


Why? It's such dribble! Lol


----------



## Jellybeans

So now she's a golddigger?

Oy.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> So now she's a golddigger?
> 
> Oy.


I'm not saying that at all. But really, think about it. Money does play a part in relationships. 

And she is only 26. I'm sure she sees the financial aspect as more security vs guys her age.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Omg, Dre... love those guys' hair. LOL


70's look... and yes they were huge in Hawai'i when I was in HS. Henry Kapono still entertains the Waikiki scene. I actually know his two of his cousins, fellow surfers.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> It's not for me either. Syrian and I had a long talk late last night and she's obviously looking for more out of the relationship than I am. We agreed to cool it while I'm gone.
> 
> She's going to continue dating and I'm going to do my traveling construction guy thing.
> 
> As for the dinner with her mom., originally I was just going to take Syrian, then she asked if her mom could come, then it was a coupld more friends. *By the end of the night I had laid down $700. Not what I was planning.* I also spent until 2:30 a.m. being the DD and driving four drunk women home. I didn't complain, and even though I didn't have a good time, I kept a smile on my face.
> 
> So yeah, I guess I'm a user and it's all about the sex huh?
> 
> And Jelly I don't know why you can't see the pic. We're TAM friends, you should be able to see it in the albums.


Maybe a sucker? 



Seriously though, that is a crappy thing to do to you.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> You're right AP. I don't belong in this one. It was nice to have a young woman's attentions, but I had nothing to offer her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed other then the "nothing to offer her" part. Why would you say that? She felt like you had something to offer her because she was obviously interested in you.

It is starting to sound like the situation is intimidating you. Like you are afraid of her attractiveness and age. I can agree if that is the case. You spoke like it was a lot of work just to be with her...a lot of upkeep, feeling like you have to protect your turf with money and bravado. I wouldn't be into that either.



vi_bride04 said:


> I'm not saying that at all. But really, think about it. Money does play a part in relationships.
> 
> *And she is only 26*. I'm sure she sees the financial aspect as more security vs guys her age.


I thought she was 28 wasn't she Bandit?


----------



## muskrat

You can block people on TAM? Hmmm, interesting


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> So now she's a golddigger?
> 
> Oy.


Not a gold digger, but I'm guessing that at her age, it's probably pretty intoxicating to have a guy that springs for really nice dates and spoils her on her birthday. I know I was pretty swept off my feet when I went from guys that shared wings and pitchers with you at happy hour to guys that took you out to places with steaks and cloth napkins 

I think they both sincerely enjoyed their time together, but realistically--this wasn't ever going to be a long-term thing. Sounds like Denver was a fortuitous end for the foregone conclusion.


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> Maybe a sucker?
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously though, that is a crappy thing to do to you.


Quit mincing words and tell me what you really think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I thought she was 28 wasn't she Bandit?


26, 28 does it really make a difference when she sees someone spend $100 on a gift card and a $700 dinner in one week? lol


----------



## bandit.45

She's not a gold digger. I'm just enthusiastic. I like to spend money on the woman I'm with regardless of her age.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> She's not a gold digger. I'm just enthusiastic. I like to spend money on the woman I'm with regardless of her age.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are perfect sugar daddy material!!

Id like to find me one of those


----------



## 06Daddio08

Oh Christ. She's not a god damn gold digger.


----------



## vi_bride04

No one is calling her a gold digger!!!! omg

You guys are really frustrating today.


----------



## helolover

I'm here! I now qualify as a singles of TAM. 

Divorce is final.


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> No one is calling her a gold digger!!!! omg
> 
> You guys are really frustrating today.


It is just kind of like a giant game of Telephone some days, isn't it?? :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

helolover said:


> I'm here! I now qualify as a singles of TAM.
> 
> Divorce is final.


Welcome helo lover. You will love our entertaining space.


----------



## vi_bride04

COGypsy said:


> Not a gold digger, but I'm guessing that at her age, it's probably pretty intoxicating to have a guy that springs for really nice dates and spoils her on her birthday. I know I was pretty swept off my feet when I went from guys that shared wings and pitchers with you at happy hour to guys that took you out to places with steaks and cloth napkins
> 
> I think they both sincerely enjoyed their time together, but realistically--this wasn't ever going to be a long-term thing. Sounds like Denver was a fortuitous end for the foregone conclusion.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Co - I just think you said it more eloquently than I did. 

If I thought she was a gold digger I would have said GOLD DIGGER!!! ugh


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> 26, 28 does it really make a difference when she sees someone spend $100 on a gift card and a $700 dinner in one week? lol


LOL yeah I guess I wasn't really thinking that way. 
I would have to say younger then 30 is probably off my radar. I like experience and maturity...and some battle scars lol 

This girl I used to talk to from Match texted me a couple weeks ago, she is like 26-27yrs old so 5-6yrs younger then I. I told her I had a GF and she responds " I wish I had a chance at you"...wtf is that? I know she had a decent job but was still living with her Mom but I am not responsible for rescuing anyone.

Makes me laugh to think about if they knew how much money I have made and lost in my 20's and they are sitting waiting for someone to save them. I was never desperate that is for sure.


----------



## ne9907

You know what guys?

Sometimes, I think that if I was hotter, had a very sensual body, i would totally be a gold digger. Definitely.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> LOL yeah I guess I wasn't really thinking that way.
> I would have to say younger then 30 is probably off my radar. I like experience and maturity...and some battle scars lol
> 
> This girl I used to talk to from Match texted me a couple weeks ago, she is like 26-27yrs old so 5-6yrs younger then I*. I told her I had a GF and she responds " I wish I had a chance at you"...wtf is that? *I know she had a decent job but was still living with her Mom but I am not responsible for rescuing anyone.
> 
> Makes me laugh to think about if they knew how much money I have made and lost in my 20's and they are sitting waiting for someone to save them. I was never desperate that is for sure.


Why would you jump to the conclusion that this was about money and being rescued? :scratchhead: Maybe she just had a feeling you two would be a good match!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> No one is calling her a gold digger!!!! omg


:rofl:

Look at'cha gettin' all frustrated, Vi. I like it. It's funny.  Hehehe.



ne9907 said:


> You will love our entertaining space.


I have the beers!



Another Planet said:


> I know she had a decent job but was still living with her Mom but I am not responsible for rescuing anyone.
> 
> Makes me laugh to think about if they knew how much money I have made and lost in my 20's and they are sitting waiting for someone to save them. I was never desperate that is for sure.


Ok, playing devil's advocate again-there is no denying that perhaps someone older may be more financially secure than someone younger, but the idea that because someone is younger, they are looking to be "rescued" and/or are "desperate" and only seeing someone because of how much money that person has is a bit unfair. Can't someone just like someone else, regardless of age? Why does there have to be an ulterior motive?

It kind of reminds me of how RD does the "tests" to the women he sees--to make sure they aren't using him for his $. Thing is, (and this is only if he were actually serious about meeting someone, which he doesn't appear to be)--he could be missing out on some great people because he thinks they are only after his wallet.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Why would you jump to the conclusion that this was about money and being rescued? :scratchhead: Maybe she just had a feeling you two would be a good match!


:iagree:


----------



## bandit.45

If a guy doesn't spend money he's a cheapskate. If he does he's a sucker sugar daddy. 

Can't win.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> If a guy doesn't spend money he's a cheapskate. If he does he's a sucker sugar daddy.
> 
> Can't win.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was always more the former than the latter. After all how expensive is it to have a date at the beach. Ok, I would normally pack food, but really it is not that much. However, I think my third date with my wife, we went to the beach and I made lunch for us. That is right, I did not buy it, I made it.


----------



## Jellybeans

And if a woman happens to go out with a man who chooses to spend money on her, she is clearly only after one thing. 

Can't win, indeed.

Especially if she is younger.


----------



## vi_bride04

I think men and women just need to stay away from each other and there would be so much less drama and confusion in the world!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

But then we wouldn't have this awesome thread.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> If a guy doesn't spend money he's a cheapskate. If he does he's a sucker sugar daddy.
> 
> Can't win.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not exactly. But I have never had a sugar daddy. I have never had a FB, now I do. I have never done or have had many experiences single women have.

I am trying to have as many as I can.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I have never done or have had many experiences single women have.
> 
> *I am trying to have as many as I can*.


:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Not exactly. But I have never had a sugar daddy. I have never had a FB, now I do. I have never done or have had many experiences single women have.
> 
> I am trying to have as many as I can.


UGH, WHY? Save yourself!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> UGH, WHY? Save yourself!


I am also going skydiving sometime this summer, and plan to drive up to the Burning Man (to burn all my love letters, photos, and wedding gown).
Would like to hitch hike from one state to another (but I am iffy about this one)

And If I could, i would book a space flight.
EDIT: oh yeah, I am going to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend, but Vegas is hardly a place to brag about.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Why would you jump to the conclusion that this was about money and being rescued? :scratchhead: Maybe she just had a feeling you two would be a good match!





Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Look at'cha gettin' all frustrated, Vi. I like it. It's funny.  Hehehe.
> 
> I have the beers!
> 
> Ok, playing devil's advocate again-there is no denying that perhaps someone older may be more financially secure than someone younger, but the idea that because someone is younger, they are looking to be "rescued" and/or are "desperate" and only seeing someone because of how much money that person has is a bit unfair. Can't someone just like someone else, regardless of age? Why does there have to be an ulterior motive?
> 
> It kind of reminds me of how RD does the "tests" to the women he sees--to make sure they aren't using him for his $. Thing is, (and this is only if he were actually serious about meeting someone, which he doesn't appear to be)--he could be missing out on some great people because he thinks they are only after his wallet.


LOL Why do women always get defensive when it comes to the money talk  but you guys are funny. That's like saying men don't care about sex. Let's be real here, the amount of money a man has may not be everything to some women but the more a man has the more attractive he is. It is part of the package yes, like icing on the cake or to some women it is the cake and his yacht is the icing on the cake LOLOLOLOL 

They don't write music about women who don't like money for a reason.....

I'm just teasing you guys. 

I know this girl though, I am not jumping to any conclusions. I had spent many late nights talking to her including while she was at her current man's place 
She has flat out told me she would watch my kids, clean my house, and suck my **** everyday if she could live with me...I don't know how much more obvious it could get lol


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I am also going skydiving sometime this summer, and plan to drive up to the Burning Man (to burn all my love letters, photos, and wedding gown).
> Would like to hitch hike from one state to another (but I am iffy about this one)
> 
> And If I could, i would book a space flight.
> EDIT: oh yeah, I am going to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend, but Vegas is hardly a place to brag about.


I want to go to Burning man! Come pick me up!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I want to go to Burning man! Come pick me up!


will do!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I know this girl though, I am not jumping to any conclusions. I had spent many late nights talking to her including while she was at her current man's place
> She has flat out told me she would watch my kids, clean my house, and suck my **** everyday if she could live with me...I don't know how much more obvious it could get lol


Ok, makes sense now!


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Quit mincing words and tell me what you really think.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



 I was totally joking.


----------



## ne9907

Well my version of a sugar daddy is a bit different. I will not suck his d!ck, i will not do anything I do not want to do, and he will pleasure me whenever and however I want. Plus pay all my bills, give me nice things etc.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Well my version of a sugar daddy is a bit different. I will not suck his d!ck, i will not do anything I do not want to do, and he will pleasure me whenever and however I want. Plus pay all my bills, give me nice things etc.


Lol Me too! How does a guy get a sugar mama, I guess it would probably also have to be a sugar daddy :/ yikes! ROFL

I have had conversations with body builders that say the only way they can afford all the steroids and food is by doing "favors" for gay guys LOL


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> I was totally joking.


I know.


----------



## lisab0105

Whew! It's DONE! 5 months later, I have finally finished it and it will launch tonight. TAM mods gave me permission to post a link in LAD and put it in my signature. 

Just want to say thank you to everyone that gave me feedback. I truly appreciate it. 

Wish me luck :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Whew! It's DONE! 5 months later, I have finally finished it and it will launch tonight. TAM mods gave me permission to post a link in LAD and put it in my signature.
> 
> Just want to say thank you to everyone that gave me feedback. I truly appreciate it.
> 
> Wish me luck :smthumbup:


Yay so can I start promoting the hell out of it now 
Let me know seriously, just say the word


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> Yay so can I start promoting the hell out of it now


That would be insanely kind of you, sir!


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> That would be insanely kind of you, sir!


I have all the links already but is the FB page ready to go yet? That's where I'll get you the most attention. CAN I LIKE AND SHARE IT YET is what I want to know ;P lol

I signed up! Am I the first member! How long do I get to be a member?


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> I know.



Whew! Wait...I felt bad for the past two hours for nothing?!


----------



## Another Planet

So is that a yes I can like and share it now? lol


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I have all the links already but is the FB page ready to go yet? That's where I'll get you the most attention. CAN I LIKE AND SHARE IT YET is what I want to know ;P lol
> 
> I signed up! Am I the first member! How long do I get to be a member?


HAHA, You are a member until cancel. 

You ARE the first member


----------



## lisab0105

AP, facebook link is on the footer of the site.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> So is that a yes I can like and share it now? lol


Yes, you can share!


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> HAHA, You are a member until cancel.
> 
> You ARE the first member


Yessss!!!! 



lisab0105 said:


> AP, facebook link is on the footer of the site.


I know so you said launch is tonight. Should I wait for a few or do you have everything good to go?
Nevermind it has started whether you like it or not lol


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> Whew! Wait...I felt bad for the past two hours for nothing?!


Told you I was passive aggressive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Well , l think l could say l am officially womanless !

There's really nothing pushing my buttons out of anyone l've met , cept 32 but l just don't want that to go anywhere. As cool as she is l just don't wanna let anything l'm not 100% comfortable with get carried away . Been through too much [email protected] to go there again .

Mind you , l could log into my date site , few new kisses waiting for me maybe or get bored and send a few out , next minute l'm back in it , but me try not to l think.

l feel calm not having the bs going on in my head for once, it's nice .
Anyway my house has officially sold now and l have 60 days to figure out what next.
D and me have sorta chosen this block, if l can get the price and deal l want on it , gonna buy that but that'll mean building so l'd have to find a renter for awhile first.
Or plop a caravan on the new block and live in that while we build , dunno yet.

AF and l were still talking and texting but l'm donging that on the head , she's getting weird. Well actually it's donged :rofl:
T- guns and roses and l have also gone on talking but l just can't be bothered firing it up any further so why bother.

So , l'm a free agent . Think l'll just sort out my housing , money , and be free for awhile .

Although last time l said somem like that round here next minute l had 4 or 5 women on the scene.
l think the trick is to stay outa my date site and if l have coffee somewhere , next time go sit in a corner on my own :rofl:

l feel peaceful for once :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> Whew! It's DONE! 5 months later, I have finally finished it and it will launch tonight. TAM mods gave me permission to post a link in LAD and put it in my signature.
> 
> Just want to say thank you to everyone that gave me feedback. I truly appreciate it.
> 
> Wish me luck :smthumbup:


Congratulations!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Congratulations!!


First 200 members are free NE


----------



## unsure78

Wheres the link? Maybe I cant see it on my phone.. wannna look... someone pm it to me please

Hi everyone. ...

Super congrats lisab 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Wheres the link? Maybe I cant see it on my phone.. wannna look... someone pm it to me please
> 
> Hi everyone. ...
> 
> Super congrats lisab
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Home | LoveFoolSingles

www.lovefoolsingles.com
The mobile site was really good last i checked it out :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Congrats, Lisab. I see that Another is already a member. But why does your profile say "Single/Never Married?"


----------



## lisab0105

Thanks guys!!! I appreciate it. Unsure you will totally be able to see it on your phone.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Congrats, Lisab. I see that Another is already a member. But why does your profile say "Single/Never Married?"


I changed it. I was just trying to get in there to check it out for Lisa and help a friend out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehehehe.


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> I changed it. I was just trying to get in there to check it out for Lisa and help a friend out.


Do you want me to delete you now?


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> Do you want me to delete you now?


No, why would you do that? If there is a sleep mode you can do that for me lol
I am not actively dating but would love to keep an eye on things and how they are doing.
And for another thing you need as much attention as you can get on your site, every member counts...meaning $$$


----------



## lisab0105

Another Planet said:


> No, why would you do that? If there is a sleep mode you can do that for me lol
> I am not actively dating but would love to keep an eye on things and how they are doing.
> And for another thing you need as much attention as you can get on your site, every member counts...meaning $$$



So true! Thanks, AP


----------



## ne9907

My connection is so slow on my phone... 
I want to sign up


----------



## ne9907

My connection is so slow on my phone... 
I want to sign up


----------



## 06Daddio08

Congrats Lisa. I'm already on here.


----------



## ne9907

I.signed up! Gotta fix my pic though...


----------



## lisab0105

EEEEEEEE...I have members!!! You guys are awesome!


----------



## ne9907

Who is happy that manziel wasnt #1 pick, and he is still waiting???

This girl!!!!! Yay


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Kinda reminded me of Rashida Jones












And what's this? Bandit's leaving her behind for six weeks? :scratchhead:

Damn!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



lisab0105 said:


> Thanks guys!!! I appreciate it. Unsure you will totally be able to see it on your phone.


I checked it out, site looks awesome but I had to turn around and leave (thankfully this thread has less stringent participant requirements)


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> And what's this? Bandit's leaving her behind for six weeks? :scratchhead:
> 
> Damn!


Yep. It sucks. She just called and wants to spend the night tonight and drive me to the airport. 

I 'd say that's very kind of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> HELL YES for almost being done with the semester, Uncle Dre!
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: If only they knew you were thinking that.
> Do you ever read some of their papers/answers and think "Goodness, they are so dumb?"
> 
> Moxy, I am posing the same goes for you, too.
> 
> LOOOOL



My response is usually "Ugh. It is so apparent that you don't come to class often enough!" Or "I know you've been in this class all unit long; why don't you listen when I tell you stuff!!!?" I find myself frustrated when they refuse to follow rudimentary instructions -- or use text message language instead of academic diction. I get sad when I can tell that they chose to be lazy instead of thinking or carefully considering a topic. I sometimes cry over their submissions or walk away feeling dejected. Unfortunately, critical thought is already too sparse among them and so it's just one of the things I work toward improving. Grading sucks. So. Very. Hard.


----------



## HobbesTheTiger

Wow, congratulations for the site, it looks amazing! Since I'm from a non-English speaking part of Europe, it isn't as useful for me as for others, but if I were in the States, it would have been great! I wish you all the best, and may many positive love stories be born out of it!


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah what a nice site lisa , big congrats..
Ps , l zapped my first post as l use to be in advertising and l just noticed it was so clever technically to but hey , maybe who cares bout that side .


----------



## Fenix

HobbesTheTiger said:


> Wow, congratulations for the site, it looks amazing! Since I'm from a non-English speaking part of Europe, it isn't as useful for me as for others, but if I were in the States, it would have been great! I wish you all the best, and may many positive love stories be born out of it!


Hey Hobbes, where are you from? I have lived in 6 different EU countries in the past 15 years and am a dual national. Anyway, welcome!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I am not actively dating but would love to keep an eye on things and how they are doing.


Wait, so you're not dating Bleacher anymore?



lisab0105 said:


> EEEEEEEE...I have members!!! You guys are awesome!


Woo hoo! I peeped the site again and whoever that Arthur guy is, he's hot.



moxy said:


> I find myself frustrated when they refuse to follow rudimentary instructions -- or use text message language instead of academic diction..


:rofl: I can only imagine! "I meant 2 say u were meeting me after the final b4 tues-day" followed by a million smiley faces.

Joy!


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> Yep. It sucks. She just called and wants to spend the night tonight and drive me to the airport.
> 
> I 'd say that's very kind of her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just make sure you keep the bridge steady mate!

Tis only 6 weeks


----------



## lisab0105

Jellybeans said:


> Wait, so you're not dating Bleacher anymore?
> 
> 
> 
> Woo hoo! I peeped the site again and whoever that Arthur guy is, he's hot.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: I can only imagine! "I meant 2 say u were meeting me after the final b4 tues-day" followed by a million smiley faces.
> 
> Joy!


HAHA, JB is scouting 

I think AP means that he isn't available anymore so he isn't going to actually be using the site, he is just on loan for member count purposes


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Wait, so you're not dating Bleacher anymore?


 I meant I am off the market. I am not actively seeking someone because I have her already


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah, I see. 

I am sooooooooooooo glad it's Friday.


----------



## Another Planet

lisab0105 said:


> HAHA, JB is scouting
> 
> I think AP means that he isn't available anymore so he isn't going to actually be using the site, he is just on loan for member count purposes


Yes and to help draw women interested in me onto your site. It's all for show though.


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> HAHA, JB is scouting


----------



## bandit.45

So Syrian just dropped me off at the airport...

Explain this to me ladies. 

Last night she came over and slept with me. We got up at 5:00, I took her to an early breakfast, we had a nice talk and were joking and laughing...

Then on the final drive to the airport from the restaurant she got real quiet and withdrawn. She kissed me goodbye but she seemed really mad. I told her I would call her tonight but she didn't say anything... 

I tried texting her right now but she hasn't answered. Should I leave her alone?


----------



## coffee4me

Maybe she thought you were going to say something like, "I know what I said before about seeing others but I don't want you to". 

"Wait for me!" 

Women like that romantic sh!t and it always happens in the movies when the man is about to walk out the door. 

Give her some time. She's probably disappointed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> So Syrian just dropped me off at the airport...
> 
> Explain this to me ladies.
> 
> Last night she came over and slept with me. We got up at 5:00, I took her to an early breakfast, we had a nice talk and were joking and laughing...
> 
> Then on the final drive to the airport from the restaurant she got real quiet and withdrawn. She kissed me goodbye but she seemed really mad. I told her I would call her tonight but she didn't say anything...
> 
> I tried texting her right now but she hasn't answered. Should I leave her alone?


Hmm, what did your text say? I would let her be for a little bit, she seems conflicted so let her sort her thoughts out some.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> So Syrian just dropped me off at the airport...
> 
> Explain this to me ladies.
> 
> Last night she came over and slept with me. We got up at 5:00, I took her to an early breakfast, we had a nice talk and were joking and laughing...
> 
> Then on the final drive to the airport from the restaurant she got real quiet and withdrawn. She kissed me goodbye but she seemed really mad. I told her I would call her tonight but she didn't say anything...
> 
> I tried texting her right now but she hasn't answered. Should I leave her alone?


She likes you very much, she has obviously developed feelings for you and is hurt that you did not reciprocate this feelings. 
I would be very upset if I was in her shoes. She offered an olive branch to you by going to your appartment and driving to the airport.
Did you kiss her at the airport? How was the good bye?
What did the text say?

I honestly suggest you re-inforce your feelings with her. Damn, you have sort of put yourself in a hard place. I feel for you Bandit.

I see that you enjoy being with her, yet, no long term potential because she is not up to par with you intellectually. 
I honestly think you should just end it.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> So Syrian just dropped me off at the airport...
> 
> Explain this to me ladies.
> 
> Last night she came over and slept with me. We got up at 5:00, I took her to an early breakfast, we had a nice talk and were joking and laughing...
> 
> Then on the final drive to the airport from the restaurant she got real quiet and withdrawn. She kissed me goodbye but she seemed really mad. I told her I would call her tonight but she didn't say anything...
> 
> I tried texting her right now but she hasn't answered. Should I leave her alone?


She is a glutton for punishment. That's all it means. 

Prob hasn't responded because she realizes that going over to your house, sleeping with you, dropping you off after breakfast goes against everything you told her you do not want and she realizes she fcked up by doing that.

Eh, I wouldn't text her again since she hasn't responded.


----------



## bandit.45

Christ... am I really that fvcking dense? 

I know nothing about women...nothing....



Well gotta fly. Talk to you all later.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> She likes you very much, she has obviously developed feelings for you and is hurt that you did not reciprocate this feelings.
> I would be very upset if I was in her shoes. She offered an olive branch to you by going to your appartment and driving to the airport.
> Did you kiss her at the airport? How was the good bye?
> What did the text say?
> 
> I honestly suggest you re-inforce your feelings with her. Damn, you have sort of put yourself in a hard place. I feel for you Bandit.
> 
> I see that you enjoy being with her, yet, no long term potential because she is not up to par with you intellectually.
> I honestly think you should just end it.


:iagree:

Nailed it. 

So confusing. If someone doesn't want a relationship to date, why even do all the other stuff? Granted, she put herself in that position and should have just fallen back. But I can understand he confusion. She wants something to be that isn't.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Hello All, 

Sorry I have never posted here on this thread, but I am overcome with panic right now and I don't know where to write or what to do about it.

Basically, I have been separated for almost a year from my STBXH. We don't live together, and are eventually going to file for divorce, just financially right now can't. STBXH and I, have an okay relationship, despite everything that has happened. But this isn't about him really. 

I have dated in the time of the separation two people. The previous person I dated was for 3 months, I ended it because of the distance and other issues. Now, I am dating a new person. Things are going good, slow, but good. We have been dating for 3 weeks, so it's very new. 

This man is a completely different person from anyone I have ever dated. He is younger by 6 years, and has a troubled past. But things are good. We saw each other yesterday, went to the movies, and afterward, we walked, then he dropped me off. It was like every other date, great. But for whatever reason I am overcome with panic this morning, and I know it has to do with dating this man. I don't know what is wrong with me really. Why do I feel like this? I am on my menstrual cycle right now, which makes me quite emotional, but I am freaking out here. 

Anyways, I just had to write this somewhere.


----------



## Jellybeans

Only you know why you are panicked-search for the real reason. You said he has a troubled past but didn't elaborate. Is that why you feel this way? Are you afraid of him/his character? or is it that you are scared of the divorce? Or starting over again and it just hit you?


----------



## KnottedStomach

Jellybeans said:


> Only you know why you are panicked-search for the real reason. You said he has a troubled past but didn't elaborate. Is that why you feel this way? Are you afraid of him/his character? or is it that you are scared of the divorce? Or starting over again and it just hit you?


Thanks for responding jelly.

His troubled past, is that he is an ex-con. He told me before the first date, which I appreciate. I know what happened, the whole story. Poor choices, but not a dangerous man, so no I am not afraid of him, and everything I have seen about his character is a good person who made bad decisions and is now trying to make better ones.

Not afraid of the divorce. Came to terms with that a long time ago. My marriage ended much before the words were actually said.

I don't know if it's starting over. It is scary to me, dating someone new. Everyone I ever dated I knew for years before I actually dated. This is new territory for me (dating someone that I have no history with at all, not a friend, etc.) Maybe I am just scared of getting close to someone again.

I don't know. I am trying not to be an emotional irrational person, and do something stupid (text something dumb). So I figure writing here, is best than doing anything right now.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Christ... am I really that fvcking dense?
> 
> I know nothing about women...nothing....
> 
> 
> 
> Well gotta fly. Talk to you all later.


Nope, you are not dense.
I suspect that you are blinding yourself to the truth because regardless of how you claim Syrian is not long term material, and you two have nothing in common, you Mr. Bandit have developed feelings for her.

I think you care about her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I thought talking to her was like scraping pine cones across your face, this has more to do with you than her.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> I thought talking to her was like scraping pine cones across your face, this has more to do with you than her.


Meaning what? 



KnottedStomach said:


> Everyone I ever dated I knew for years before I actually dated. This is new territory for me (dating someone that I have no history with at all, not a friend, etc.) Maybe I am just scared of getting close to someone again.
> 
> I don't know. I am trying not to be an emotional irrational person, and do something stupid (text something dumb). So I figure writing here, is best than doing anything right now.


We all do dumb sh*t. Especially in dating. Maybe it is because you don't have history with him. I don't know. Only you can answer why you feel so panicked though.

When I started dating, post-divorce, I was VERY anxious to the point where it was consuming my thoughts. I figured out that I was probably still processing my divorce and was afraid--afraid of beginning anew with someone else; afraid of how to date; afraid of rejection; sad that I even was dating and just generally icky-feeling. It did pass with time.

You will get there


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Christ... am I really that fvcking dense?
> 
> I know nothing about women...nothing....
> 
> 
> 
> Well gotta fly. Talk to you all later.


Talk to her, tell her everything. What do you have to loose? She might not like you afterwards? Good then you get what you say you wanted anyway but at least you aren't leading her on anymore.

You are the one who is scared she is reaching out and I am sure doesn't want to get hurt by you and you are probably hurting her. You are going to mess this up!

Listen, seriously stop being a dumbass...you got a girls attention and she *actually likes you*. THAT is the hardest part man! The fckn hardest part is over for you! Now be yourself, be honest to her and let her decide. If you guys work out great, if not so be it it wasn't meant to be.


----------



## 06Daddio08

From what I've read, they have hardly anything in common and he's made mention of how hard it can be to talk with her about political things etc.

How he describes her, she does sound like a good soul and a really nice woman. He obviously cares about her in someway and clearly enjoys the sex. Even though at times he feels he can't keep up, due to the age difference.

If I was with someone and they gave me the "I'm going to be leaving on a business trip for a while, it's okay for you to see other people" I'd probably take that a bit personally. Then I'd associate it with that person having problems of their own.

Now, I'd be understanding of any jittery feelings and be open to discussing it but I wouldn't be happy about it at the beginning.

Hell, I'd probably walk out the door.


----------



## KnottedStomach

Jellybeans said:


> We all do dumb sh*t. Especially in dating. Maybe it is because you don't have history with him. I don't know. Only you can answer why you feel so panicked though.
> 
> When I started dating, post-divorce, I was VERY anxious to the point where it was consuming my thoughts. I figured out that I was probably still processing my divorce and was afraid--afraid of beginning anew with someone else; afraid of how to date; afraid of rejection; sad that I even was dating and just generally icky-feeling. It did pass with time.
> 
> You will get there


Well I don't have history with him. Just met him. Getting to know him as I go along this process. It is interesting, but terrifying for me. I guess I am use to knowing everyone in my life well, and I have been comfortable with that. The last person I let into my circle was 6 years ago. I am protective of myself in that way.

The anxious feelings you describe jelly remind me of the way I felt for the first person I dated post separation from STBXH. I don't feel like that anymore. I am afraid of things. We all are. But I like being around this man. I like the way things are going, slow. I like getting to know him. It's a nice feeling. I guess sometimes I just get a little anxious about the unknown, it is scary for me (control freak).

I am feeling a little better now. Like I said it is coming and going. I blame it on my period. It has a tendency to make me super emo.

Thanks again for responding jelly.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Periods can definitely make us "super emo."



Just feel your feelings and go with it. If you need time alone, then do that; if you wish to date, go for it.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> From what I've read, they have hardly anything in common and he's made mention of how hard it can be to talk with her about political things etc.
> 
> How he describes her, she does sound like a good soul and a really nice woman. He obviously cares about her in someway and clearly enjoys the sex. Even though at times he feels he can't keep up, due to the age difference.
> 
> If I was with someone and they gave me the "I'm going to be leaving on a business trip for a while, it's okay for you to see other people" I'd probably take that a bit personally. Then I'd associate it with that person having problems of their own.
> 
> Now, I'd be understanding of any jittery feelings and be open to discussing it but I wouldn't be happy about it at the beginning.
> 
> Hell, I'd probably walk out the door.


Personally I think he is all talk and making excuses. He is just insecure about her age and thinks she is going to continue being "immature".
How can you spend as much time together and enjoy each others company as much as he has expressed and not come down with a case of the feels? I noticed a change in his pattern after the first couple weeks after everything was going so well, he started to get scared and started making excuses to not like her and started nit picking at everything. Hmmm smells like feelings to me...

Bandit talk to her! What if she likes you that much more afterwards? She gave you the signs now it's your move.


----------



## Jellybeans

Idk, AP about your suggestion (though I think your theory about thing feeling insecure over her age is spot on). If he isn't sold on her, then he shouldn't yank her around and play with her feelings. That is cruel.


----------



## vi_bride04

I really think for bandit to deal effectively with this situation, he really needs to figure out what he wants. I don't think he has any idea. And its hard to date anyone when you don't know yourself what you are looking for.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You know ... it's okay to like someone but know it's not going to work out and break it off if you're not completely compatible.


----------



## Another Planet

He rented a motorcycle to take her on a ride through the mountains. He sings to her. 
LOL how much more proof do you guys need?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> He rented a motorcycle to take her on a ride through the mountains. He sings to her.
> LOL how much more proof do you guys need?


That he's over compensating? None.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> He sings to her.


:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> That he's over compensating? None.


I am not disagreeing there, he obviously has an insecurity about her age. He is a model older BF and playing the roles to the T. He got himself into this situation he either understands and accepts it for what it is and revels every moment of it or fcks it up cause he expects something other then what it is.

THAT is why I say talk to her, tell her how you feel Bandit!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Personally I think he is all talk and making excuses. He is just insecure about her age and thinks she is going to continue being "immature".
> How can you spend as much time together and enjoy each others company as much as he has expressed and not come down with a case of the feels? I noticed a change in his pattern after the first couple weeks after everything was going so well, he started to get scared and started making excuses to not like her and started nit picking at everything. *Hmmm smells like feelings to me...*
> Bandit talk to her! What if she likes you that much more afterwards? She gave you the signs now it's your move.


:iagree:
Dont be afraid of feelings what is the worst thing that can happen??
You will get your heart broken again... big fvcking deal!!!!
We are resilient


----------



## lisab0105

I don't think it really matters how much he might or might not like her, or want to bang her brains out...the fact is she IS going to want a future he can't/won't give her. 

I think messing with her to begin with was a bad idea and I told him that. Very few women want to just mess around; so while it was good for him, she was/is going to want more.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I see what you're saying AP, due the the age factor they might simply not have anything in common.


----------



## 06Daddio08

There are plenty of women who want to just mess around, likewise with men. She isn't one of them though.


----------



## Jellybeans

Stringing people along is bad


----------



## Another Planet

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ah, Tennyson.


----------



## ne9907

ah, and it is friday!!

AP is in love~ 
and I am like "**** this ****!! I think I will try rough sex for the first time in my life tonight.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> ah, and it is friday!!
> 
> *AP is in love*~
> and I am like "**** this ****!! I think I will try rough sex for the first time in my life tonight.


 You think so? Is it that obvious? LOL
I'm always in love with something


----------



## bandit.45

Sitting here waiting for the shuttle. You all have valid points. 

I am scared of letting myself feel for someone again. Seems like every time I give my heart to someone I get burned. 
I have been stringing her along for my own gratification. I do need to cut it off clean.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> From what I've read, they have hardly anything in common and he's made mention of how hard it can be to talk with her about political things etc.
> 
> How he describes her, she does sound like a good soul and a really nice woman. He obviously cares about her in someway and clearly enjoys the sex. Even though at times he feels he can't keep up, due to the age difference.
> 
> If I was with someone and they gave me the "I'm going to be leaving on a business trip for a while, it's okay for you to see other people" I'd probably take that a bit personally. Then I'd associate it with that person having problems of their own.
> 
> Now, I'd be understanding of any jittery feelings and be open to discussing it but I wouldn't be happy about it at the beginning.
> 
> Hell, I'd probably walk out the door.


I dated a nice lady for a few weeks, i liked everything about her, she was nice, pretty, funny, passionate, down to earth. She was also really into me it seemed (wasn't used to non jerks) and was a great kisser but there were a few differences and i didn't think she was over her ex yet. She ended up getting busy with life's wrenches for a bit and gave me the "if you want to date other people go ahead" so i ended it right at that moment.


----------



## ne9907

I have had a match.com account since February iirc. I dont have full priviledges because I havent subscribed yet.

I hide my profile, unhide it, blah, blah, blah...

Anyway. I received an email from a very nice looking 37 year old today. I may pay full member status! He is so dreamy~


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Houston is a desert when it comes to reasonable available women. Ive never met so many self involved snobs in all my life. EVen ones with obvious hideousy, roll around like they own the place. 99.5% are super-rotund. 99.9% know everyone else and at one time or another have slept together... Then just when you find a nice looking woman that seems right... she's BI, or already seeing someone, or some-many... 
Oh, you mean I get to be date number 3 of the week, and its only Tuesday?? Geee.... 

FK it I give up. I had accounts on all the sites..
OKStupid,,, PlentyofFlakes,,,, bleachmyeyes.com,,, ZOO-sk.com
.....

Lordy.. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do...

Perhaps a monastery is close by....


----------



## Lon

Sound flustered shoo


----------



## vi_bride04

Shooboomafoo said:


> Houston is a desert when it comes to reasonable available women. Ive never met so many self involved snobs in all my life. EVen ones with obvious hideousy, roll around like they own the place. 99.5% are super-rotund. 99.9% know everyone else and at one time or another have slept together... Then just when you find a nice looking woman that seems right... she's BI, or already seeing someone, or some-many...
> Oh, you mean I get to be date number 3 of the week, and its only Tuesday?? Geee....
> 
> FK it I give up. I had accounts on all the sites..
> OKStupid,,, PlentyofFlakes,,,, bleachmyeyes.com,,, ZOO-sk.com
> .....
> 
> Lordy.. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do...
> 
> Perhaps a monastery is close by....


:rofl: :rofl: OKStupid...PlentyofFlakes .....oh man that got me rollin' 

Yeah, this pretty much sums up how I feel about online dating too.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Lon said:


> Sound flustered shoo


Slightly....

Not even really throwing myself out there, just observing and seeing what kind of responses I get from the sites.. i.e.(none).

I think I may be Quasimodo, and just not have the observant fortitude to accept my fate.

I mean when I say flat out zero, I mean ZEE-RO... 

not liking the available options... time to move to another country...


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> She ended up getting busy with life's wrenches for a bit and gave me the "if you want to date other people go ahead" so i ended it right at that moment.


I would have done exactly the same thing.



Shooboomafoo said:


> Lordy.. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do...
> 
> Perhaps a monastery is close by....


Come on over to the monastery, Shoo. I'll grab you a beer. :beer:


----------



## ne9907

Shooboomafoo said:


> Perhaps a monastery is close by....


Eventually, I would like to join a convent or some sort of nature commune.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Could it be that my face,,,, my grimacing face just exudes this stern cold scrutinous demeanor? Unapproachable because I look like I would cynically pick apart the very way she blinks her eyes???

oh GAWD I see it now.. I am going to die old and angry.. Im going to be Bill Quinn all over again.. BILL!!! damn you bill...
You looked like Santa, but n'er a kind word to associate with life...


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Oh well.. There's always Walmart this weekend whilst grocery shopping.


----------



## Jellybeans

Shooboomafoo said:


> oh GAWD I see it now.. I am going to die old and angry.. Im going to be Bill Quinn all over again.. BILL!!! damn you bill...


I don't even care that I die alone anymore.

I just want to get laid before I die.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

I hear you there girl!!!!!!!!!
Its been so long for me, I think I may blow her wig off. 
(insert straw-whistle noise)


----------



## ne9907

Shooboomafoo said:


> Slightly....
> 
> Not even really throwing myself out there, just observing and seeing what kind of responses I get from the sites.. i.e.(none).
> 
> I think I may be Quasimodo, and just not have the observant fortitude to accept my fate.
> 
> I mean when I say flat out zero, I mean ZEE-RO...
> 
> not liking the available options... time to move to another country...


I doubt you are Quasimodo! Even if you are, have you seen people??? Surely you have! haha

Every single time I go out, I see couples who lift my spirits~

They are not the brightest, nor the most attractive people on earth and yet, they have someone to call babe.

I know if I end up alone, I will be fine!


----------



## Jellybeans

HAHA NE--I just noticed your avatar. It's hilarious!


----------



## Shooboomafoo

YEAH!!! I see couples all the time... young couples with lots of kids starting out on the great journey that is marriage....
I sometimes get the feeling that my time is up for all that. I am the last of my line, the last to carry the X chromosome from my fathers fathers... So thus, a cheating wife ended the blood line. 
Unless I want to DO IT ALL AGAIN:>>> yikes.....

but... maybe...


----------



## vi_bride04

Shooboomafoo said:


> Oh well.. There's always Walmart this weekend whilst grocery shopping.


Now THATS where the pickings are good! 

I mean, how can you not go wrong at Walmart? 

Photos - People Of Walmart


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Now THATS where the pickings are good!
> 
> I mean, how can you not go wrong at Walmart?
> 
> Photos - People Of Walmart


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

This hotel is NICE! Right in downtown Denver. I'm going to spend the weekend looking around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HobbesTheTiger

Fenix said:


> Hey Hobbes, where are you from? I have lived in 6 different EU countries in the past 15 years and am a dual national. Anyway, welcome!


Wow, awesome! I've lived in three/four different EU countries. I hope you won't be mad, but I'd rather not say just in case someone might recognize me  Not that I have much to hide, but still

Thanks for the welcome! Hope you win the next dart competition


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Now THATS where the pickings are good!
> 
> I mean, how can you not go wrong at Walmart?
> 
> Photos - People Of Walmart


I fckn thought of starting that exact website and did a quick search for it to make sure no one had done it first and it was literally on like page 5 and then blew up over night and then the guy from ebaumsworld or one of those other sites bought it a month later for millions...SMH a minute to late...


----------



## muskrat

Don't give up Shoo. I also tried many sites and you are correct, women do not write back. I stopped bothering and just went about my life. Then one day 2 women messaged me from the same site. The one flaked out, the other is on her way to my house as I type this.


----------



## moxy

Wow, so many pages to catch up on! I'll get to that in a few.

So, I am supposed to go on a date with this New Guy tomorrow. I'm really, really nervous about it. We haven't made specific plans other than to say that we will get together on Saturday. I know he is expecting to hook up. I'm okay with this, but only if it feels right. I think he wants me to just go to his place, but that sounds stupid if this is the first time we are getting together in person. We've done the text flirting and sexting and webcam sex nonsense already and that's been fun; however, he was practically blowing up my phone last week with flirty banter and comments and stuff all day long, whereas this week, he's been mostly busy at work and we've exchanged just a few random texts about how we're doing. He asked me a couple of times if I was looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, just throughout the week, and sounds like he has no other plans. But, I don't want to be just a hook up with no date or anything else; like I said, if we are on a date and things go well, I am okay with it, though. Anyway, I haven't heard much from him today. I think I should just text him and see if we can make plans about where to meet up, maybe talk on the phone, but I'm afraid of coming across as too aggressive. I am so out of the loop when it comes to dating that I have no idea what to do. Hot neighbor and I were just friends with benefits, so this is the first time I'll have been on a date since exh and I split (nearly three years now) and the first time I have been on a first date in something like 8+ years. I need some advice on how to handle this....


----------



## whitehawk

Shooboomafoo said:


> Houston is a desert when it comes to reasonable available women. Ive never met so many self involved snobs in all my life. EVen ones with obvious hideousy, roll around like they own the place. 99.5% are super-rotund. 99.9% know everyone else and at one time or another have slept together... Then just when you find a nice looking woman that seems right... she's BI, or already seeing someone, or some-many...
> Oh, you mean I get to be date number 3 of the week, and its only Tuesday?? Geee....
> 
> FK it I give up. I had accounts on all the sites..
> OKStupid,,, PlentyofFlakes,,,, bleachmyeyes.com,,, ZOO-sk.com
> .....
> 
> Lordy.. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do...
> 
> Perhaps a monastery is close by....



Don't blame ya , Christ l'd rather be well out of a fkd up scene like that to, people .
They have a very simple saying over on another marriage/D forum and l reckon it's damn wise advice.

" Be still ". 

Just chill for awhile , that's my next move .


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> I really think for bandit to deal effectively with this situation, he really needs to figure out what he wants. I don't think he has any idea. And its hard to date anyone when you don't know yourself what you are looking for.



Bandi's sitch is very straight forward l reckon.
He loves hanging out with her and having their fun but one , he's not comfortable about the age thing and two, she doesn't stimulate him .

So there's nowhere for it to go , cut and dry really . 
This stuffs like a robbing a bank , you gotta get in and out quick or your in trouble :rofl:


----------



## moxy

Shooboomafoo said:


> Houston is a desert when it comes to reasonable available women. Ive never met so many self involved snobs in all my life. EVen ones with obvious hideousy, roll around like they own the place. 99.5% are super-rotund. 99.9% know everyone else and at one time or another have slept together... Then just when you find a nice looking woman that seems right... she's BI, or already seeing someone, or some-many...
> 
> Oh, you mean I get to be date number 3 of the week, and its only Tuesday?? Geee....
> 
> 
> 
> FK it I give up. I had accounts on all the sites..
> 
> OKStupid,,, PlentyofFlakes,,,, bleachmyeyes.com,,, ZOO-sk.com
> 
> .....
> 
> 
> 
> Lordy.. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do...
> 
> 
> 
> Perhaps a monastery is close by....



I am sad to hear that this is the Houston scene because that's what I'm about to contend with; I wonder what the guys are like. Not all of us are awful in this town, but then I'm biased. Maybe you need a break from it, though. 

I love your re-imagined website names. I'm discovering one of those myself; total newbie at this, but, I was amused.

Anyway, I wish you luck! Maybe some downtime will be good for you? Or, maybe you can meet done people in Austin? It's not too far away and people there are interesting.


----------



## RandomDude

coffee4me said:


> Maybe she thought you were going to say something like, "I know what I said before about seeing others but I don't want you to".
> 
> "Wait for me!"
> 
> Women like that romantic sh!t and it always happens in the movies when the man is about to walk out the door.
> 
> Give her some time. She's probably disappointed.


Haha... the airport scene!


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Bandi's sitch is very straight forward l reckon.
> He loves hanging out with her and having their fun but one , he's not comfortable about the age thing and two, she doesn't stimulate him .
> 
> So there's nowhere for it to go , cut and dry really .
> This stuffs like a robbing a bank , you gotta get in and out quick or your in trouble :rofl:


Yeah. Let me tell you about my resolve.... 

Syrian just gave me a virtual lap dance and striptease on Skype. And we did....other things....

I have no self control when it comes to her. 

None. 

I know I need to break it off but I cannot. 

I'm going to go to hell for this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Having a good night with blue eyes, this is not just a fb, it's more but definitely less than a relationship. We both know it will end yet we enjoy it. Conversation is amazing!!!!


----------



## Satya

Catching up on this thread on a Saturday morning is very taxing on my brain.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. Let me tell you about my resolve....
> 
> Syrian just gave me a virtual lap dance and striptease on Skype. And we did....other things....
> 
> I have no self control when it comes to her.
> 
> None.
> 
> I know I need to break it off but I cannot.
> 
> I'm going to go to hell for this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok can I be blunt? 

You've had the talk with her, right? She knows where you stand on an LTR or a relationship more significant than sex and fun, right? If so, have at it. She is responsible for her own feelings. Your role is to be honest and straightforward.


But don't dis her here....cuz that's just bad form.


----------



## coffee4me

Fenix said:


> Ok can I be blunt?
> 
> You've had the talk with her, right? She knows where you stand on an LTR or a relationship more significant than sex and fun, right? If so, have at it. She is responsible for her own feelings. Your role is to be honest and straightforward.
> 
> 
> But don't dis her here....cuz that's just bad form.


Question so when does he break it off? When he gets tired of her? And she dreaming of walking down the aisle? 

That's ok right? Because he said no long term relationship and if she got caught up because she is young, he showered her with gifts and attention well... That's just her silly emotions and so what..... He had the talk with her so he's off the hook.


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> Ok can I be blunt?
> 
> You've had the talk with her, right? She knows where you stand on an LTR or a relationship more significant than sex and fun, right? If so, have at it. She is responsible for her own feelings. Your role is to be honest and straightforward.
> 
> 
> But don't dis her here....cuz that's just bad form.


Dis her? 

WTF are you talking about? I've never "dissed" her to her face or anybody.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

bandit.45 said:


> Dis her?
> 
> WTF are you talking about? I've never "dissed" her to her face or anybody.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit that line says dis her -- here
I believe that meant on the thread


----------



## 2galsmom

You are dissing her, you are F'ing her and online telling people you want to break it off with her. She is young? Young girls look at older men as their tickets for stability and the life they dream about, as part of that deal they offer lap dances and all the goodies you lap up. You tell the world she doesn't stimulate you and told another woman here she stimulated you more.

Should she ever read this she would be very very hurt.

If a woman reads, "there is nothing there for me intellectually or emotionally" THAT HURTS. End of story.

People brag about things to which they are unaccustomed, so you are enjoying sex with her and she is giving it to "bond" with you and solidify her relationship.

If you read this thread silently, you read posts like "I am fine with dating for dating, I don't need or want a LTR, friends with benefits are fine" but eventually you read comments that betray these comments and see most people here are looking for someone for a LTR and want to be loved and just put on the pretense to protect themselves or think it is just the thing to say.

You just don't want a LTR with her, you keep F-ing her and a young girl thinks "I have hope, he will change, he keeps F-ing me, I will try harder. He will see how much potential I have, how much potential we have. If he didn't want a relationship then he wouldn't do these things, his actions betray his words, he just doesn't want to get hurt! I won't hurt him."

The fact that you tell her you don't want an LTR will not spare her pain, it is your out so you feel better about what will happen to her and she can bear the blame.

How would you like it if she were posting "He doesn't stimulate me sexually, he is old and all, I have to do all of the work, hey guy, I have just seen one picture of you and you have stimulated me more than my current squeeze has in the five hour sex-a-thons he engages me in." A dis perhaps?

You describe her here as an object, a pretty one, but that will be of little solace when her heart is broken.


----------



## Another Planet

:iagree: Ouch, that 2x4 has gotta smurt Bandit but shes right quit leading her on.
It's always interesting to hear the womans perspective, they say things that no matter how hard I try I just can't figure out for myself.


----------



## Lon

I don't see bandits deliberation and hesitance but continuance as any different from most female posters on here. In fact he has had a lot of encouragement on this thread even, yet his situation hasn't changed. Is it a double standard going on?

How come it is ok for women to compartmentalize but not him?


----------



## coffee4me

My question wasnt at all to bash bandit. 

I have thought about myself in similar shoes. 

Because I never want to marry and I'm not even sure about how invested I want to be in another R. 

I know I would make myself clear about not wanting a LTR but when the other person becomes emotionally invested and you are not?? When do you end it? 

Sorry bandit if it seemed I was attacking you; your situation was just a good example of this scenario.


----------



## bandit.45

2galsmom said:


> You are dissing her, you are F'ing her and online telling people you want to break it off with her. She is young? Young girls look at older men as their tickets for stability and the life they dream about, as part of that deal they offer lap dances and all the goodies you lap up. You tell the world she doesn't stimulate you and told another woman here she stimulated you more.
> 
> Should she ever read this she would be very very hurt.
> 
> If a woman reads, "there is nothing there for me intellectually or emotionally" THAT HURTS. End of story.
> 
> People brag about things to which they are unaccustomed, so you are enjoying sex with her and she is giving it to "bond" with you and solidify her relationship.
> 
> If you read this thread silently, you read posts like "I am fine with dating for dating, I don't need or want a LTR, friends with benefits are fine" but eventually you read comments that betray these comments and see most people here are looking for someone for a LTR and want to be loved and just put on the pretense to protect themselves or think it is just the thing to say.
> 
> You just don't want a LTR with her, you keep F-ing her and a young girl thinks "I have hope, he will change, he keeps F-ing me, I will try harder. He will see how much potential I have, how much potential we have. If he didn't want a relationship then he wouldn't do these things, his actions betray his words, he just doesn't want to get hurt! I won't hurt him."
> 
> The fact that you tell her you don't want an LTR will not spare her pain, it is your out so you feel better about what will happen to her and she can bear the blame.
> 
> How would you like it if she were posting "He doesn't stimulate me sexually, he is old and all, I have to do all of the work, hey guy, I have just seen one picture of you and you have stimulated me more than my current squeeze has in the five hour sex-a-thons he engages me in." A dis perhaps?
> 
> You describe her here as an object, a pretty one, but that will be of little solace when her heart is broken.


The women on this thread are constantly bragging about their exploits with men. 

So I'm not allowed to talk about my experiences because OM an older guy dating a younger woman ?

Well... fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> :iagree: Ouch, that 2x4 has gotta smurt Bandit but shes right quit leading her on.
> It's always interesting to hear the womans perspective, they say things that no matter how hard I try I just can't figure out for myself.


That's white hot bvllsh!t! 

I have told her numerous times where I stand. I have never led her on. She's the pursuer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> I don't see bandits deliberation and hesitance but continuance as any different from most female posters on here. In fact he has had a lot of encouragement on this thread even, yet his situation hasn't changed. Is it a double standard going on?
> 
> How come it is ok for women to compartmentalize but not him?


Thank you Lon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

There are times, like last night, where we had fun and then late I tell myself I should lay the hammer down. 

But I'm too selfish. So I don't. But I'm not taking advantage of her. She had lost nothing being with me....only her time. She gets treated like a queen when we're together. I don't demand sex from her. Nine times out of ten she's the one seducing me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> There are times, like last night, where we had fun and then late I tell myself I should lay the hammer down.
> 
> But I'm too selfish. So I don't. But I'm not taking advantage of her. She had lost nothing being with me....only her time. She gets treated like a queen when we're together. I don't demand arc from her. Nine times out of ten she's the one seducing me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know, I think you have a right to be selfish for a bit. And you aren't lying to her promising her a future, you stated your concerns and she even agreed it is what it is, nothing more.

She is a consenting adult woman who knows the rules of the game.


----------



## ne9907

The Left hand of Darkness

I love this book. I am re reading it again. Just sharing.


----------



## COGypsy

Hey Bandit, if you're downtown, check out the bar at Prime Steakhouse for dinner..15th and Arapahoe. Their steaks are pretty darn good and the bar menu is less pricey with some better variation. It'll give you some sustenance for your next Skype date


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Hey Bandit, if you're downtown, check out the bar at Prime Steakhouse for dinner..15th and Arapahoe. Their steaks are pretty darn good and the bar menu is less pricey with some better variation. It'll give you some sustenance for your next Skype date


Thanks Gypsy. I'm at the Marriott Courtyard just for the weekend. I'm having fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> The Left hand of Darkness
> 
> I love this book. I am re reading it again. Just sharing.


Le Guin is a great writer


----------



## 2galsmom

ne9907 said:


> The Left hand of Darkness
> 
> I love this book. I am re reading it again. Just sharing.


Hey ne, you still make me laugh with your Latin inspired dreams and your wardrobe location. Watch out for the woman peddling the Turkish Delight in Narnia. Hang in there.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> That's white hot bvllsh!t!
> 
> I have told her numerous times where I stand. I have never led her on. She's the pursuer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I am usually in the camp of if you are completely honest with someone it's not your fault what they do. Like who was it that said you aren't responsible for her feelings? But yeah that. 

But that is where personal responsibility comes in and being a good person. You know she wants more, and you don't so you should really just say no next time she asks you to come over.


----------



## 2galsmom

You don't want responsibility for your actions. 

No one does, yet your actions have consequences.

You may not be responsible for her feelings but your actions influence her feelings and you know it.

Pure and simple you want the best of both worlds with an assurance that no damage will be done and so you gave the disclaimer.


The fact that you told her "you don't want a relationship" and then continue to act as if you are in a relationship does not stop that she will get hurt as a result of your actions.

We should say now, yeah, all her fault, all her fault!

But if she were a TAM member and YOU were not then au contraire, we would be seeing how you do not treat her like a queen and we would tell her that she deserves more.

Which is it? You feel guilty and have a conscience or you don't give a damn about her she can give you attention, nurse your pain and whatever comes her way is her own damn fault not yours?

It is not a bad thing to have a conscience. Are you a sociopath without one?

There is too much pressure now to put up pretenses in dating i.e. I can just have sex with you, I don't need ANYTHING from you, It is all cool, we are just going to have no strings attached, I swear I don't want anything from you! 


Then why date? 

Just fun, lots and lots of fun.

This thread does not exude fun, fun, fun. Then why do you feel so bad? I suspect it is because you do know that your actions affect her feelings and that beats being a sociopath.


----------



## Lon

2gals he does treat her well, just knows she is not compatible long term since outside of the bedroom there is not a whole lot of chemistry. He has expressed that to her, has made no commitments to her, they just remain attracted to each other. They are both consenting adults, bandit is not exactly hiding anything (are you bandit?) they are both single and free to choose to spend their time together or not.

Will feelings get hurt? Maybe, maybe not but it is for each of them to decide what to invest into it, her emotions are not bandits responsibility. All anyone can morally advise for him is to be honest and upfront and decide for himself what he wants to get out of the relationship and to respect her equivocal position.


----------



## moxy

From what I can tell, Bandit really likes this gal and is trying to figure out the parameters of that feeling. Is it just sex? Is that enough? Is there a possibility of more? What elements are deal breakers or things that could be met by means outside the relationship? Processing those feelings by way of banter and playfulness is what happens on this forum quite often. I don't think he is disrespecting her by exploring his thoughts. Is it unfortunate that she is more attached than he is? Yes. But, he's not lying to her and telling her what she wants to hear just to make her happy and, so, he's not leading her on.


----------



## whitehawk

coffee4me said:


> My question wasnt at all to bash bandit.
> 
> I have thought about myself in similar shoes.
> 
> Because I never want to marry and I'm not even sure about how invested I want to be in another R.
> 
> I know I would make myself clear about not wanting a LTR but when the other person becomes emotionally invested and you are not?? When do you end it?
> 
> 
> 
> It only takes anything from a few hours to a few wks for emotions and feelings to build.
> You can easily see this happening. So if you know from day one or very early on that your not into it long term , it's not fair to let it get to that point.
> So the sooner the better , before that point. Even a day or two is too long to let it go in some cases.


----------



## moxy

Oh, by the way, my date was a disaster. I asked him to meet me for a coffee before we went back to his place; he didn't like that I had changed the plans. I explained that I wanted to meet him in person in public before we went to his place because it was our first in person meeting, but he was not having it. It was going to be his way or the highway. I said that I hoped we'd find a middle ground, but chose the highway, essentially. I'm really disappointed and sad. And, now, frustrated, too.


----------



## coffee4me

whitehawk said:


> It only takes anything from a few hours to a few wks for emotions and feelings to build.
> You can easily see this happening. So if you know from day one or very early on that your not into it long term , it's not fair to let it get to that point.
> So the sooner the better , before that point. Even a day or two is too long to let it go in some cases.


Thanks for answering wh


----------



## whitehawk

l don't think we can just say , oh we were upfront so we aren't responsible for someone else's feelings, it's a bit of a cop out , pass the buck.

Because if we can see minute one that person is going to fall for us , then really it's only fair to be fair to them and not let it go any further . They're only gonna get hurt if you do.
That's why l haven't let any of mine go too far. Unfortunately l haven't really met anyone that will be just cool with light and fun but that's all if anything , l want myself right now.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Oh, by the way, my date was a disaster. I asked him to meet me for a coffee before we went back to his place; he didn't like that I had changed the plans. I explained that I wanted to meet him in person in public before we went to his place because it was our first in person meeting, but he was not having it. It was going to be his way or the highway. I said that I hoped we'd find a middle ground, but chose the highway, essentially. I'm really disappointed and sad. And, now, frustrated, too.


Man that sucks. Sorry to here that Moxy. I was rooting for you to get laid line asphalt. 

That's suspicious too. You think he's married and did not want to be seen with you in public?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Oh, by the way, my date was a disaster. I asked him to meet me for a coffee before we went back to his place; he didn't like that I had changed the plans. I explained that I wanted to meet him in person in public before we went to his place because it was our first in person meeting, but he was not having it. It was going to be his way or the highway. I said that I hoped we'd find a middle ground, but chose the highway, essentially. I'm really disappointed and sad. And, now, frustrated, too.


Moxy, I had a similar thing happen to me about two moths ago.
He just want to have sex, nothing else, no meeting, nothing.

Oh, do expect him to reach to you over and over and over again. 
He will do that.
He is probably going through a divorce or separation and just wants to prove he can have sex with another woman. Once, he realizes his approach is too aggressive, he will try to "win" you contacting you again.


----------



## ne9907

I had a nice time last night with blue eyes.
We talked a lot! I got kinda drunk.... and apparently I snore so horribly (when drunk), that he slept on the couch!

2gals, I do not see Bandit doing anything wrong, because I am doing the same. I do not see a future with blue eyes, he does not see a future with me. I am "dating" him because I am bored, I miss the physical connection, and I frankly do not want to find someone else (it is very tiring...)

He has his reasons for seeing me, he will be in my area for about three more months and he will move due to his job. He has already told me he doesn't do feelings, we have been upfront from the beginning. 

However, I do see where you are coming from. Our conversations (blue eyes and I) are very philosophical, deep, and realistic. We share our mutual likes/dislikes, our feelings about the world. 
Will I be hurt when things end? Not if I end it.
Right now he helps with my boredom and we are both enjoying sex. 


I do snore when I am drunk 

EDIT: he is aware that I am seeing him to suppress my boredom and because I simply detest the idea of finding another person to have sex with, just as I know he doesn't do feelings.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Oh, by the way, my date was a disaster. I asked him to meet me for a coffee before we went back to his place; he didn't like that I had changed the plans. I explained that I wanted to meet him in person in public before we went to his place because it was our first in person meeting, but he was not having it. It was going to be his way or the highway. I said that I hoped we'd find a middle ground, but chose the highway, essentially. I'm really disappointed and sad. And, now, frustrated, too.


No, you escaped carnage.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I had a nice time last night with blue eyes.
> We talked a lot! I got kinda drunk.... and apparently I snore so horribly (when drunk), that he slept on the couch!
> 
> 2gals, I do not see Bandit doing anything wrong, because I am doing the same. I do not see a future with blue eyes, he does not see a future with me. I am "dating" him because I am bored, I miss the physical connection, and I frankly do not want to find someone else (it is very tiring...)
> 
> He has his reasons for seeing me, he will be in my area for about three more months and he will move due to his job. He has already told me he doesn't do feelings, we have been upfront from the beginning.
> 
> However, I do see where you are coming from. Our conversations (blue eyes and I) are very philosophical, deep, and realistic. We share our mutual likes/dislikes, our feelings about the world.
> Will I be hurt when things end? Not if I end it.
> Right now he helps with my boredom and we are both enjoying sex.
> 
> 
> I do snore when I am drunk
> 
> EDIT: he is aware that I am seeing him to suppress my boredom and because I simply detest the idea of finding another person to have sex with, just as I know he doesn't do feelings.


Sounds like maybe you and blue achieved equilibrium in your casual fb relationship?


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Man that sucks. Sorry to here that Moxy. I was rooting for you to get laid line asphalt.
> 
> 
> 
> That's suspicious too. You think he's married and did not want to be seen with you in public?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



No, not married. Just controlling, maybe. Or, not interested in compromise, flexibility or patience. I noticed some red flags but ignored them. 

I think he just wanted everything in his terms and it didn't matter whether I was totally on board or not. 

Edit: I removed some text.


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Sounds like maybe you and blue achieved equilibrium in your casual fb relationship?


For now, I tend to push/pull a lot. Soon, I will figure out why I do things.

oh yeah, my IC is on Tuesday!!!! Yay


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Oh, by the way, my date was a disaster. I asked him to meet me for a coffee before we went back to his place; he didn't like that I had changed the plans. I explained that I wanted to meet him in person in public before we went to his place because it was our first in person meeting, but he was not having it. It was going to be his way or the highway. I said that I hoped we'd find a middle ground, but chose the highway, essentially. I'm really disappointed and sad. And, now, frustrated, too.



Moxo , hope you chose the hwy , somem wrong there.
Any half decent guy would expect you to need to meet in a public place first for crying out loud. And understand that you need to make sure it's a safe sitch for you.
Get rid of this tool Mox.


----------



## moxy

Thanks wh. I thought my request was reasonable. I feel guilty, though. I stood my ground, he said "see ya".


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't know, I think you have a right to be selfish for a bit. And you aren't lying to her promising her a future, you stated your concerns and she even agreed it is what it is, nothing more.
> 
> *She is a consenting adult woman who knows the rules of the game.*


Ok guys, am I the only one reading these posts (and triggering!) and thinking of my "relationship" with NoChem?? Vi, the opinion you stated above, was that your same opinion of my situation? 



Another Planet said:


> Yeah I am usually in the camp of if you are completely honest with someone it's not your fault what they do. Like who was it that said you aren't responsible for her feelings? But yeah that.
> 
> *But that is where personal responsibility comes in and being a good person. You know she wants more, and you don't so you should really just say no next time she asks you to come over.*





2galsmom said:


> You don't want responsibility for your actions.
> 
> No one does, yet your actions have consequences.
> 
> You may not be responsible for her feelings but your actions influence her feelings and you know it.
> 
> Pure and simple you want the best of both worlds with an assurance that no damage will be done and so you gave the disclaimer.
> *
> The fact that you told her "you don't want a relationship" and then continue to act as if you are in a relationship does not stop that she will get hurt as a result of your actions.*
> 
> We should say now, yeah, all her fault, all her fault!


THIS is exactly what he did to me.



moxy said:


> From what I can tell, Bandit really likes this gal and is trying to figure out the parameters of that feeling. Is it just sex? Is that enough? Is there a possibility of more? What elements are deal breakers or things that could be met by means outside the relationship? Processing those feelings by way of banter and playfulness is what happens on this forum quite often. I don't think he is disrespecting her by exploring his thoughts. *Is it unfortunate that she is more attached than he is? Yes. But, he's not lying to her and telling her what she wants to hear just to make her happy and, so, he's not leading her on.*


He said almost this same thing to me the night that P and I confronted him. He blamed me. He felt exonerated of any wrongdoing. I'm sorry, but I am the one who was in love with him, and he knew this, and instead of having integrity and ending things with me, he continued having sex with me and treating me like his girlfriend, KNOWING FULL WELL that he was going to crush my heart one day. He should have said NO when I was coming onto him all the time, and asking him to spend time together. I was the one in the weaker position who was holding out hope the whole time, because his words and his actions were not matching up. HIS ACTIONS told me he wanted to be with me. He initiated seeing me as well, it wasnt just me. He had feelings for me but they werent the same as what I was feeling.

Dont get me wrong, I am not saying I had no blame in my own destruction here. I kept hanging on when I should not have. But its interesting to see how people are reacting to Bandit's situation now. 

Bandit. Dont be him.



moxy said:


> Oh, by the way, my date was a disaster. I asked him to meet me for a coffee before we went back to his place; he didn't like that I had changed the plans. I explained that I wanted to meet him in person in public before we went to his place because it was our first in person meeting, but he was not having it. It was going to be his way or the highway. I said that I hoped we'd find a middle ground, but chose the highway, essentially. I'm really disappointed and sad. And, now, frustrated, too.


Dammit, Moxy, I am so sorry that happened! I had such a bad feeling about new d0uchebag guy!  Thank goodness you didnt get further tangled up with him, what a jerk!


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Thanks wh. I thought my request was reasonable. I feel guilty, though. I stood my ground, he said "see ya".




Cause it was and no way , you've got zilch to feel guilty about . Wouldn't surprise me actually if he rings up saying he realizes now and "he" feels guilty . But don't fall for that bs.

Basically he couldn't give a fk about you and only wanted some sex - or he's a fruitcake and maybe it gets ugly back at his place .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> No, not married. Just controlling, maybe. Or, not interested in compromise, flexibility or patience. I noticed some red flags but ignored them. He wanted naughty photos. I said no at first, but caved in. Then he wanted them in a specific way. I resisted at first, but eventually I complied. He wanted webcam sex, I didn't think it would be a good idea, but he convinced me otherwise and I caved in. I said we could meet on a particular date. He wanted to meet sooner. I realized I did, too, so I rearranged a very busy schedule, drove several hours to get back in town and and complied with that request. It would have been okay with me if it were sex only and no commitment, but I just wanted to feel safe and going to his house when we hadn't met just sounded stupid after a long exhausting drive; so a half hour to chat over coffee before going to his place seemed like a good step one. I have really poor boundaries in the face of temptation, so I avoid life; I'm trying to take more risks I liked this guy, so I conceded to his wishes. What I wanted was essentially a half hour detour to what he wanted. Of course, I have no idea if he had planned something and was upset because of that, but if that were the case, could he not just have told me? I think he just wanted everything in his terms and it didn't matter whether I was totally on board or not. I know, I should t be upset, except that I didn't mind his requests in the end...or, I liked the pleasure that conceding to them gave him, which made me feel special for a minute, until now when I don't.


Well, now you know what NOT to do in the future. Nothing good can come of something that starts out the way this did. He was out of line asking for pics like that when you didnt even know each other, and you should have listened to yourself when you were not comfortable doing that. Even a sex only relationship doesnt have to be this skeevy. 

Okay, switching out of MOM mode now.


----------



## ne9907

I have a question regarding match.com

Is it okay to initiate contact? Or just wink, like a photo, and wait for the men to email first?

Also, after the initial email and communication, does it look needy or clingy if I am logged all the time?

I might have a date with a very good looking 37 year old from match. We will just wait for his next email.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I have a question regarding match.com
> 
> Is it okay to initiate contact? Or just wink, like a photo, and wait for the men to email first?
> 
> Also, after the initial email and communication, does it look needy or clingy if I am logged all the time?
> 
> I might have a date with a very good looking 37 year old from match. We will just wait for his next email.


Of course its ok. As far as being logged in all the time, I dont think that comes across as clingy, but I think a lot of men would see it as a negative. I know thats how I see it when I notice a guy who is online every time I happen to log in. 

Good luck with your potential date!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> No, not married. Just controlling, maybe. Or, not interested in compromise, flexibility or patience. I noticed some red flags but ignored them. He wanted naughty photos. I said no at first, but caved in. Then he wanted them in a specific way. I resisted at first, but eventually I complied. He wanted webcam sex, I didn't think it would be a good idea, but he convinced me otherwise and I caved in. I said we could meet on a particular date. He wanted to meet sooner. I realized I did, too, so I rearranged a very busy schedule, drove several hours to get back in town and and complied with that request. It would have been okay with me if it were sex only and no commitment, but I just wanted to feel safe and going to his house when we hadn't met just sounded stupid after a long exhausting drive; so a half hour to chat over coffee before going to his place seemed like a good step one. I have really poor boundaries in the face of temptation, so I avoid life; I'm trying to take more risks I liked this guy, so I conceded to his wishes. What I wanted was essentially a half hour detour to what he wanted. Of course, I have no idea if he had planned something and was upset because of that, but if that were the case, could he not just have told me? I think he just wanted everything in his terms and it didn't matter whether I was totally on board or not. I know, I should t be upset, except that I didn't mind his requests in the end...or, I liked the pleasure that conceding to them gave him, which made me feel special for a minute, until now when I don't.


Is this typical behavior for you? Do you find yourself complying with requests from me?

Even in my craziest dating stories, I have not complied with nor accepted sexual requests. I am a prude. 
My best friend from Dallas would tell you to have some respect, a man to asks for this sort of things does not respect you nor does he want anything long lasting with you.
However, if you are open and enjoy this lifestyle, I see nothing wrong with following through with your life and what makes you happy.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Ok guys, am I the only one reading these posts (and triggering!) and thinking of my "relationship" with NoChem?? Vi, the opinion you stated above, was that your same opinion of my situation?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> THIS is exactly what he did to me.
> 
> 
> 
> He said almost this same thing to me the night that P and I confronted him. He blamed me. He felt exonerated of any wrongdoing. I'm sorry, but I am the one who was in love with him, and he knew this, and instead of having integrity and ending things with me, he continued having sex with me and treating me like his girlfriend, KNOWING FULL WELL that he was going to crush my heart one day. He should have said NO when I was coming onto him all the time, and asking him to spend time together. I was the one in the weaker position who was holding out hope the whole time, because his words and his actions were not matching up. HIS ACTIONS told me he wanted to be with me. He initiated seeing me as well, it wasnt just me. He had feelings for me but they werent the same as what I was feeling.
> 
> Dont get me wrong, I am not saying I had no blame in my own destruction here. I kept hanging on when I should not have. But its interesting to see how people are reacting to Bandit's situation now.
> 
> Bandit. Dont be him.


His actions told you he wanted to be with you because he did want to be with you... For sex. You were only in the weaker position because you were expecting him to want you for more than just sex. So does that mean if a guy only wants s woman for sex he is supposed to be a jerk about it? That if in the way of having a sex-centric relationship if he shows any kind of favorable treatment it means he is leading her on and is duping her into thinking he wants a full on relationship?

How else is gentleman who doesn't want serious commitment but casual sex supposed to behave? Or is that game reserved only for ass holes?


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Is this typical behavior for you? Do you find yourself complying with requests from me?
> 
> 
> 
> Even in my craziest dating stories, I have not complied with nor accepted sexual requests. I am a prude.
> 
> My best friend from Dallas would tell you to have some respect, a man to asks for this sort of things does not respect you nor does he want anything long lasting with you.
> 
> However, if you are open and enjoy this lifestyle, I see nothing wrong with following through with your life and what makes you happy.



Well, thanks for making me feel even more ashamed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> His actions told you he wanted to be with you because he did want to be with you... For sex. You were only in the weaker position because you were expecting him to want you for more than just sex. So does that mean if a guy only wants s woman for sex he is supposed to be a jerk about it? That if in the way of having a sex-centric relationship if he shows any kind of favorable treatment it means he is leading her on and is duping her into thinking he wants a full on relationship?
> 
> *How else is gentleman who doesn't want serious commitment but casual sex supposed to behave? * Or is that game reserved only for ass holes?


I think if the man knows that she has real feelings toward him and he doesnt feel the same, then he should step away.


----------



## Nsweet

Hello everyone.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Well, thanks for making me feel even more ashamed.


I am very sorry, that wasn't my intention. 
I am trying to let go of the "old" me, the person who is very sexually inhibited. 
I am doing many things I never thought I would do. I have put myself in a pedestal many times before, and acted accordingly.

I am trying to change, to be more open about my sexuality and what I want in life. 
I am really interested if that is normal behavior for you, because I would like to be able to behave in some ways you do.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I think if the man knows that she has real feelings toward him and he doesnt feel the same, then he should step away.


:iagree:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I think if the man knows that she has real feelings toward him and he doesnt feel the same, then he should step away.


I don't disagree, but i think it's even more crucial that if a woman is developing feelings for a man whom she knows doesn't feel the same, she should be the one to walk away.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> I don't disagree, but i think it's even more crucial that if a woman is developing feelings for a man whom she knows doesn't feel the same, she should be the one to walk away.


Well in a perfect world, BOTH would agree to end things.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Well in a perfect world, BOTH would agree to end things.


So i think maybe it is in Bandit's interest to determine whether or not she is in fact developing serious feelings for him, and then take the appropriate path?


----------



## 2galsmom

Nsweet what are you in rehab for? The drama here is eclipsing you today.

I am sorry you are triggering 3x but it could be nothing you did but the fact that people have double standards and I am just suggesting the Golden Rule. 

ne don't try to con me I know you. When are you coming to visit me and did you get your cat?


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I am very sorry, that wasn't my intention.
> 
> I am trying to let go of the "old" me, the person who is very sexually inhibited.
> 
> I am doing many things I never thought I would do. I have put myself in a pedestal many times before, and acted accordingly.
> 
> 
> 
> I am trying to change, to be more open about my sexuality and what I want in life.
> 
> I am really interested if that is normal behavior for you, because I would like to be able to behave in some ways you do.



No, this is not how I behave with all men who ask me out. I get asked out a lot. I seldom respond. I've been with three men in my life, one of whom was my husband and one of whom was a person I was involved with very recently after three years of celibacy. For a 36 yo, that's not a lot of getting around. But, my attitudes about sexuality are progressive rather than Puritan. I'm fvcked in the head trying to get over my exh.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> So i think maybe it is in Bandit's interest to determine whether or not she is in fact developing serious feelings for him, and then take the appropriate path?


Yes. She is doing the same kinds of things that I had been doing. Whenever he would try to put some distance between us, I knew how to keep him drawn into me with sex. It wasnt difficult. Her going to his place for one last night together is a pretty typical move, then the whole sex cam thing. She knows he cant resist her if she puts it out there.


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> I don't disagree, but i think it's even more crucial that if a woman is developing feelings for a man whom she knows doesn't feel the same, she should be the one to walk away.



I agree. If she chooses to ignore caution, she risks her heart. Some would take that risk.


----------



## 2galsmom

ne9907 said:


> I am very sorry, that wasn't my intention.
> I am trying to let go of the "old" me, the person who is very sexually inhibited.
> I am doing many things I never thought I would do. I have put myself in a pedestal many times before, and acted accordingly.
> 
> I am trying to change, to be more open about my sexuality and what I want in life.
> I am really interested if that is normal behavior for you, because I would like to be able to behave in some ways you do.


Be who you are and act accordingly, do not act how society tells you that you should, sexual liberation isn't all that is cracked up to be my friend! Find someone you can be intimate with, sex is EASY to come by and not always the path to happiness. Shocking as it may seem to TAM.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Nsweet what are you in rehab for? The drama here is eclipsing you today.


I'm not in an actual drug or alcohol rehab program. It's a program to help veterans find a place to live and a job while they go through in-treatment therapy and attend a bunch of classes. Most of them are just BS babysitting, but some of them are very important.

There are people here who are still in recovery from addictions though..... And get this! They're pressuring me to apply AA principles to caffeine addiction. Yeah, like what am I supposed to do there, go to AA or NA meetings and just not drink the coffee. 

I took two psych tests this week...... Is it good or bad when your doctor reaches over, picks up the DSM-5, and starts reading while you're talking. She kinda gave me this funny look too. So.... Yeah! Either it's nothing or my therapy sessions are going to get a whole lot more fun.

Oh, and I have to tell you guys and girls about what I was accused of this week. Me and this other guy, a bow-legged ex meth head and alcoholic with very little teeth, we were seen going to the same bathroom 3 times in 30 minutes in came late at night. We were watching movies and I was killing a gallon of water and he has prostate problems. So every smoke/pee break we got I had to go. The hot psychologist and a tech called us into the office to accuse us of doing something homosexual. My face was frozen mid WTF mouthing, he explained it pretty well, the tech wouldn't listen, and the psychologist just laughed her ass off. So from that point on we started calling each other baby, baby girl, sweetie, honey, and girlfriend etc. just to mess with the both of them and because it's really really funny. To be honest I was a little offended they couldn't have accused me of doing something with a better looking guy or the older black woman that's always hugging on me and getting a little too close and personal.


----------



## 2galsmom

I don't understand what the big deal is even if you were doing something homosexual. Did you say "Don't ask and I won't tell? Isn't the VA in enough trouble?" 

I hope next time they accuse you of sexual impropriety with someone hotter.

The "manual" story reminds me of my friend who was in Israel and looked out her window and the mechanic was working on their plane while reading the manual AKA How to fix a plane 101- NOT REASSURING. At least your evaluator was contentious and wanted to get the diagnosis and protocol correct.


----------



## bandit.45

Every woman I have loved has used me until I was no longer needed and then dumped me. 

Maybe I want to be a user? Anyways, I broke it off with her this afternoon. We won't be getting back together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Every woman I have loved has used me until I was no longer needed and then dumped me.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe I want to be a user? Anyways, I broke it off with her this afternoon. We won't be getting back together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'm sorry to hear that, Bandit.

I don't think you actually want to be a user; I think that maybe you want to put your pleasure on the forefront for a little while. There's a difference.


----------



## bandit.45

Well all the self righteous gals here can go on talking about fvcking all the men they can attract and come out smelling like moral roses. The cradle robbing old man here won't be sharing anymore. I'll keep my dating experiences to myself from now on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Every woman I have loved has used me until I was no longer needed and then dumped me.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe I want to be a user? Anyways, I broke it off with her this afternoon. We won't be getting back together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



When I was younger I never saw myself as a user, I was a free spirit, I never let on otherwise. This was my song in the day

This one is for you Bandit 

http://youtu.be/XXVa3ibi6i8


----------



## bandit.45

I'm not an idiot. I broke up with her because it was the right thing to do. Not because TAM td me to. 

And if you don't think there is a double standard here then you are fooling yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Wait, why did you break up bandit? It's only 6 weeks!

I jumped from woman to woman and I got the bad rap too, tis TAM!
Don't give a sh-t, only reason I stopped ramming for the time being is feeling sick after the last one.

The idealistic approach doesn't always occur, how nice it would be if we all can just love and respect easily. If we men don't have to protect ourselves and freely romance without looking like idiots. However, human relationships are a complex dynamic.

As long as you never led her on - nothing to feel bad about IMO.


----------



## 2galsmom

RandomDude said:


> Wait, why did you break up bandit? It's only 6 weeks!
> 
> I jumped from woman to woman and I got the bad rap too, tis TAM!
> Don't give a sh-t, only reason I stopped ramming for the time being is feeling sick after the last one.
> 
> The idealistic approach doesn't always occur, how nice it would be if we all can just love and respect easily. If we men don't have to protect ourselves and freely romance without looking like idiots. However, human relationships are a complex dynamic.
> 
> As long as you never led her on - nothing to feel bad about IMO.


Random Dude! You were on here everyday saying how bad you felt for ramming these women! You loved your wife, no one not even laundry lady could hold a candle to your wife. 

You want to rewrite history now? People were on your side!

Someone on here has a good avatar, Be the person that makes you happy.

And now I retire from the singles thread once more, Happy Mother's Day to everyone who is a mother or has a mother.


----------



## RandomDude

That was 2013, not 2014! And now I regret leaving laundry lady!

As for love, it's dead, I see ex every weekend including today and feel nothing.
As for comparing, only quality/standard of hers I compare all other women with is her non-materialism and that's it.

Everything else I let chemistry determine things


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> Well, thanks for making me feel even more ashamed.


Moxy  You compromised yourself for him. The situation could have been really ugly but ultimately, you held the line. Learn from it and move on.

The guy is a jerk, and possibly, worse.

Some of us want to jump through the screen and give you a shake. But that's ok...we also want you to be happy and want the best for you.

signed-
another mom


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Well all the self righteous gals here can go on talking about fvcking all the men they can attract and come out smelling like moral roses. The cradle robbing old man here won't be sharing anymore. I'll keep my dating experiences to myself from now on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh man. 


You're a good man, Bandit.


I am with Lon on the consenting adults. 2gals had some interesting things to say but I only agreed with about 30% of it. I have been doing a ton of thinking on this subject thanks to my personal situation. I decided to follow my gut and let the other party be responsible for his own feelings. I have striven (is that even a word?) to be honest and manage expectations. The difference was we are very compatible in all ways (that I have discovered so far).


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah it's not always easy for sure and it hasn't been very long since B actually started to see some cracks so you do have to think this stuff through first .
And 28 , not like she's 18 or something, she is a women with her own mind so .

Me , l do feel responsible but that's probably as much my good nature than need to as much as l do.
But it is for me as much as them to because l don't wanna get stuck in it or complications either if it's not for me.


----------



## Jellybeans

To all the mothers here: hope you have a beautiful day!


----------



## bandit.45

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coffee4me

There are so many threads here about the choice of being a SAHM or a working mom and how hard both jobs are. 

The single mom is in a class all by herself. No choice - just do what you gotta do. 

Happy Mother's Day to the Wonderful Single Moms!!!


----------



## Ikaika

Happy Mother's Day. Making homemade cinnamon rolls this morning. 

First batch... A few are missing, sons could not wait


----------



## 2galsmom

I don't see why you should feel an ounce of shame Moxy, is it because you are a woman and you did sexual things with him? A double standard indeed. If a woman does sexual things and the relationship happens to work out then hooray! She is a mature woman who knows the rules of the game. If the guy gets hurt because he was emotionally attached and you are not into him, too bad for him. His choice. But when she makes a choice and chose to engage in sexual whatever with someone who may be a jerk then SHAME ON HER!

Forget about it Moxy. Honestly. Big deal. It is over. You will meet other men and know you too know being sexually liberated or sex to cinch a relationship is not in fact all that is cracked up to be and you will as Fenix suggested a lesson.

If you want to take the responsibility for your feelings to a positive level know that shame is a choice, and much different from blame. You didn't kill, rape, slander, or maim ANYONE. You had a bad date and a guy did not get laid and you followed your gut and there is no shame in that.

I have caused enough ruckus here and I will leave, Random Dude I hope you are well. Don't regret laundry lady or any other woman you didn't choose because you were not over your wife. If they had been worth it or liked you enough they would have made the cut. You will find someone else if that is what you want and you will find someone great.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Ok guys, am I the only one reading these posts (and triggering!) and thinking of my "relationship" with NoChem?? Vi, the opinion you stated above, was that your same opinion of my situation?


Yes, he told you there was no chemistry from the beginning. And his actions didn't point to anything but wanting to have sex with you. I mean he was seeing other girls from the beginning too. 

What sucks is that casual relationships no longer are casual when one person develops feelings and wants more. It just gets really complicated at that point.


----------



## moxy

2gals, thx. I'm not ashamed about showing off my body; if I'd been wearing less than what might show in a skimpy bikini, that might be different. Everything I shared was tasteful, I guess. I suppose that what makes me feel ashamed is that I was willing to concede to his wishes so many times despite my initial reluctance and he couldnt even be bothered to grant a very reasonable request; it makes me feel like I've somehow been judged unworthy of effort. That's shameful; and also an emotional issue of mine.

Also, I didn't really feel ashamed until ne's "do you do this with all guys?" question which made me feel slvt-shamed, even though I'm not a slvt and don't think that casual consensual sex is a bad thing. I'm pretty sure I'll never marry again, but I do want romance and sex -- with dignity (according to progressive rather than puritanical definitions). I wasn't granting sex to get a relationship; I just wanted to bang him, but...I wanted to feel comfortable and safe about it.

Some people find love and happy ever after; I don't think I'm one of those for whom it would work.


----------



## moxy

Drerio -- I have the same saucers/plates as the ones in the photo.


----------



## vi_bride04

Moxy - it's quite all right to enjoy sex. 

But I feel it is hard not to feel ****ty about it, especially casual encounters. And I really think it's more to society standards than anything. My gf and I had a really long conversation about this very subject on Friday...very thought provoking to say the least.

If we were men sexting and meeting up it wouldn't be a big deal.

Do what you want. You are an adult with a very healthy sex drive


----------



## Dollystanford

In my opinion the only thing you should feel ashamed about is if you sent a bad picture


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> 2gals, thx. I'm not ashamed about showing off my body; if I'd been wearing less than what might show in a skimpy bikini, that might be different. Everything I shared was tasteful, I guess. I suppose that what makes me feel ashamed is that I was willing to concede to his wishes so many times despite my initial reluctance and he couldnt even be bothered to grant a very reasonable request; it makes me feel like I've somehow been judged unworthy of effort. That's shameful; and also an emotional issue of mine.
> 
> Also, I didn't really feel ashamed until ne's "do you do this with all guys?" question which made me feel slvt-shamed, even though I'm not a slvt and don't think that casual consensual sex is a bad thing. I'm pretty sure I'll never marry again, but I do want romance and sex -- with dignity (according to progressive rather than puritanical definitions). I wasn't granting sex to get a relationship; I just wanted to bang him, but...I wanted to feel comfortable and safe about it.
> 
> Some people find love and happy ever after; I don't think I'm one of those for whom it would work.


Once again I am sorry. I am tactless. I should have worded my question in a different manner.

Look at me, I am having a fb relationship with blue eyes. I am fine with it. I was able to kill any surfacing feelings. I saw him Friday, I haven't texted him at all, but I was pursuing him heavily last week (for sex). 
I have also been texting another man for about three months (who I feel has feelings for me, thus I have put him in the friendzone and he knows this).
Plus have a date next week with a new guy.
Meanwhile, I will continue to have sex with blue until I get tired because he is very busy most of the time. I want sex at least four times a week!!!!!!!!!! 
Is this too much to ask for?
Meanwhile, I cannot stop obsessing over an old boyfriend. He invades my dreams, my thoughts, everything!
It is of no surprise I had feelings for blue eyes as he looks like this old boyfriend.


EDIT: I bought a guitar today! It is very nice looking and has a great sound. 
Will be spending the afternoon trying to learn how to play it. Youtube!!!!!


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> In my opinion the only thing you should feel ashamed about is if you sent a bad picture


Yessssssss
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Learning how to play guitar is so exciting!!!!!!

I am trying to learn "More than Words" it is a bit difficult since I know not much yet. But it is so joyful!

Oh and I have a date tomorrow with a new guy.


----------



## ne9907

Question:

Have you ever accepted a date with someone who you believe is way out of your league? Someone who you think is just too handsome/beautiful?

I think this guy I am going out with tomorrow is just too attractive. 
I feel intimidated by his good looks. I will post a pic on private albums for a few hours. Then I will take it down.


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> In my opinion the only thing you should feel ashamed about is if you sent a bad picture



 thank you, dolly


----------



## 2galsmom

No to **** shaming! Sexual liberation is a liberty and with that comes responsibility and learning how to be be free, independent and not hurting yourself or other people with your power.

Feminism offers the doctrine of free love and that is as dangerous as believing there is a prince waiting to rescue you. Most of us have to learn the hard way, comme moi!

Let go of the shame, know there is karma and what you do will have consequences and move on!

ne, I hope you are reading about Narcissism

HAH HAH I came back, I love my ne

Given your history it would be empowering. I just read an article suggesting that due to personality disorders and whatnot, that people look for personality traits in companions as opposed to chemistry (which may be off due to issues in the past and responsible for gravitating towards the same people as before) or alas, looks.

Not saying you have to find a great guy who is ugly but it was an interesting read, I think it is in Psychology Today. 

On top of that ne you have the perspective of yourself that is altered by your ex, you are cute and hilarious! Is the new dude leading you to believe he is out of your league or is the voice of inadequacy and ghosts of relationships past haunting you? 

No one is out of your league ne.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Question:
> 
> *Have you ever accepted a date with someone who you believe is way out of your league? Someone who you think is just too handsome/beautiful?*
> 
> I think this guy I am going out with tomorrow is just too attractive.
> I feel intimidated by his good looks. I will post a pic on private albums for a few hours. Then I will take it down.


Yep! Hard hat was like that!  I still cant figure out why he asked me out in the first place! lol!


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> No to **** shaming! Sexual liberation is a liberty and with that comes responsibility and learning how to be be free, independent and not hurting yourself or other people with your power.
> 
> Feminism offers the doctrine of free love and that is as dangerous as believing there is a prince waiting to rescue you. Most of us have to learn the hard way, comme moi!
> 
> Let go of the shame, know there is karma and what you do will have consequences and move on!
> 
> ne, I hope you are reading about Narcissism
> 
> HAH HAH I came back, I love my ne
> 
> Given your history it would be empowering. I just read an article suggesting that due to personality disorders and whatnot, that people look for personality traits in companions as opposed to chemistry (which may be off due to issues in the past and responsible for gravitating towards the same people as before) or alas, looks.
> 
> Not saying you have to find a great guy who is ugly but it was an interesting read, I think it is in Psychology Today.
> 
> On top of that ne you have the perspective of yourself that is altered by your ex, you are cute and hilarious! Is the new dude leading you to believe he is out of your league or is the voice of inadequacy and ghosts of relationships past haunting you?
> 
> No one is out of your league ne.




We love you too btw
I am reading about everything under the psychology spectrum! From narcissism to passive aggressive behavior.
The other night blue eyes and I were talking about psychology, he study psychology and sociology for a while. 
Anyway, according to him, I say "I think" too much. I don't let people in because they have disappointed me too much in the past, and I should just give them a chance. Oh, and I am also a bit selfish because I do not let people in or do not give people a chance to show me they are inherently good, and that I should learn that everyone has something to offer. I listened and stored everything in my memory bank.

Which I knew all of that, it wasn't a big revelation. I like my people far away from me, thank you very much. However, I am looking on improving my social skills.

I also believe my feelings of inadequacy esteem from my marriage. I know I have a lot to offer to the world, yet my emotional and rational mind need to sync.

Thank you for saying that nobody is out of my league 

this guy is gorgeous.... perfect California surfer dude.
oh, he does like country, seems excited about our date, and as far as I can tell, is an all right person.




3Xnocharm said:


> Yep! Hard hat was like that!  I still cant figure out why he asked me out in the first place! lol!


Because you are freaking hot!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## muskrat

2galsmom said:


> A double standard indeed. If a woman does sexual things and the relationship happens to work out then hooray! She is a mature woman who knows the rules of the game. If the guy gets hurt because he was emotionally attached and you are not into him, too bad for him. His choice.


The only person I have seen here with a double standard is YOU. Just this morning you were railing against Bandit for this same thing, only he was responsible for her feelings according to you. So which is it, are we responsible for our partners feelings or not? From what I have seen you post, men are responsible for their own and their partners feelings, but women are not responsible for anyone's feelings.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Just spent the weekend juggling the kids activities and my new softball commitment (first time playing ever). We went 4-0! Crushed 3 teams with mercy and came from behind in the other.

I'm so sunburnt and tired but the kids were rather well behaved most of the time.

Have to admit, it's challenging at times doing this solo.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Because you are freaking hot!!!!!!!!!!!


Aw, thanks honey!


----------



## 2galsmom

muskrat said:


> The only person I have seen here with a double standard is YOU. Just this morning you were railing against Bandit for this same thing, only he was responsible for her feelings according to you. So which is it, are we responsible for our partners feelings or not? From what I have seen you post, men are responsible for their own and their partners feelings, but women are not responsible for anyone's feelings.


I was being facetious, women are in fact responsible for their actions when I was talking about a double standard. Get mad at me all you want. I don't disagree with the issue that people are responsible for their own feelings, I just said that people are also responsible for their actions.

When women shack up with a man she is liberated, when they tell a man he they don't want a relationship they can do as they please and it is on him to feel how he wants and do as they please but then when a woman on here shacks up with a man who treats her poorly she made mistake and she should not have slept with him! No way I was pointing out how this does not make sense. 

Often people are honest and say, I do not want a relationship. Sometimes they are not honest and say this as a defense mechanism or agree when someone else says it to buy time and see if they can be convinced, often through sex, to become more serious.

Get mad at me all you want. I think it is the same for both sexes. Women lie to men, I just want to have fun (secretly hoping for more) and men do it by accepting the friend zone (sure, sure She will have sex with me hah hah eventually).

All I said or meant to say was that Bandit's actions were being interpreted as more than no relationship and he knew it and that those actions would have consequences for the girl.

It was "railing" of me to point out what Bandit already knew right?

By his own words he broke it off not because of TAM or ME but by his own choice.

I will just sit back and watch everyone do what they do and learn from their consequences but don't blame shift to me because I know damn well that the sex sex sex whoo hoo having fun lifestyle doesn't equal happiness. As Winona Ryder said, you can be awfully unhappy while having a lot of fun. People feel shame because they buy into that and feel they fail at not being able to have sex without intimacy and that is ridiculous.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



2galsmom said:


> All I said or meant to say was that Bandit's actions were being interpreted as more than no relationship and he knew it and that those actions would have consequences for the girl.


Her own feelings brought about the consequences, because whether she believed him or not when they talked about it likely not working out due to age gap, and the not so subtle clues he was giving her to indicate that they weren't exclusive nor did he want it to be, he was nonetheless never mean to her, disrespectful or unkind. He did nothing wrong and did not lead her on, his actions were entirely sincere for what they were. And like he said, she was basically the pursuer, so really he doesn't own the consequences of HER actions one bit, though by being the one who saw the writing on the wall first he was the one that paid the tab by being the one to end it.


----------



## whitehawk

coffee4me said:


> There are so many threads here about the choice of being a SAHM or a working mom and how hard both jobs are.
> 
> The single mom is in a class all by herself. No choice - just do what you gotta do.
> 
> Happy Mother's Day to the Wonderful Single Moms!!!



That depends on why she is a single mum and does the child have a father because if it does then in most cases she isn't a single mum at all. She was usually just lucky enough to get the majority of custody . Thankfully those barbaric laws are changing more and more as we speak.
My ex now calls herself a single mum and the red carpet is laid out for her in whatever she needs.
Where as the reality is , no she is not a single mum at all. My daughter has a father , me , that looks after her and provides for her as best as he can under these circumstances. Those of so called single mum destroying her family to go fk about with an om , or because umm, her needs weren't being met or , she's layed out the bs to courts to get more custody , blocking her ex with every lie she can muster.
Meanwhile , single dad gets shafted and viewed as if he's "obviously" left his family , he screwed around , he deserved it , he must be a mutha fkr and doesn't get jack from anyone.

Question the term single mum first people , before you lay out those roses , l know l sure do after learning what l've learnt in this last few years. Thankfully the double standards on this one are now being more and more recognized .


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez... thankfully ex and I have been civil when it comes to finances/co-parenting

But she aint no angel don't get me wrong, I always find it funny the further I stay away from her, the more I forget about her demons. Still, when it comes to $$$, no argument.

Many women would want to suck their ex-husbands dry of whatever he had as they left, also why I'm cautious after realisng ex's rights when we seperated - which she had not acted upon (also maybe cause I 'bribed' her with everything BUT my cash machines)


----------



## Fenix

2galsmom said:


> People feel shame because they buy into that and feel they fail at not being able to have sex without intimacy and that is ridiculous.


Nope. People feel shame because they go against what their gut is telling them is the right thing for them to do. That is why Moxy felt shame. She caved to pressure. That is also why Bandit felt badly. His gut was telling him something that he wasn't listening to.

I don't see a double standard here.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> That depends on why she is a single mum and does the child have a father because if it does then in most cases she isn't a single mum at all. She was usually just lucky enough to get the majority of custody . Thankfully those barbaric laws are changing more and more as we speak.
> My ex now calls herself a single mum and the red carpet is laid out for her in whatever she needs.
> Where as the reality is , no she is not a single mum at all. My daughter has a father , me , that looks after her and provides for her as best as he can under these circumstances. Those of so called single mum destroying her family to go fk about with an om , or because umm, her needs weren't being met or , she's layed out the bs to courts to get more custody , blocking her ex with every lie she can muster.
> Meanwhile , single dad gets shafted and viewed as if he's "obviously" left his family , he screwed around , he deserved it , he must be a mutha fkr and doesn't get jack from anyone.
> 
> Question the term single mum first people , before you lay out those roses , l know l sure do after learning what l've learnt in this last few years. Thankfully the double standards on this one are now being more and more recognized .


Meh. The only thing more feted than a single mom is a single dad.

signed
- a single mom even while married.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah mine is very fair l must admit. Some of the horror stories l've heard though from others.
Although it does get my blood boiling when she calls herself a single mum. 
Yet just the other day as my d needs braces, 3.5k - ex looks at me and goes- ah we may as well just pay it in full hey, you could cover that in one job :smthumbup:
Oh thanks ex , what not a single mum this wk then .


----------



## Fenix

I guess you could hinge the status of single mom on income but I have always looked at it differently. I look at it as raising a child without the emotional support of a partner. 

It is all on a spectrum of difficulty. Those single parents without the emotional or financial or time support of a co-parent vs those without only one of those components would have it more difficult for sure. I receive a check each month that pays the majority of my expenses...does that mean I am not a single parent?

WH, I would consider you a single dad as well.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks F , yeah we're roughly 50/50 anyway and yeah l'm as much a single dad as ex is a s mum but it's not about hours. Most dads round here even can't get 1/4 of that and it's killing them. Mine does live with her more than me but l wanted it that way for my d.
lt's a complex one though , whole nother topic but many different sitch's out there.
But even in one type you were saying and you know , my first quest' is why is there no partner support first of all. l know your not only talking financially but you should see some deals some of the dads get to pay for .


----------



## Jellybeans

I had the best weekend ever. Road trip and mother's day spent with my my beautiful mother and family.

And I also made out with someone this weekend.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I received a phone call from one of my cousins on Friday while I was at the gym, apparently one of my other cousins (male) is getting separated; 3 kids. I don't really talk to that side of the family a whole lot, we aren't particularly close but at the same time I don't really hold anything against them. I was asked to speak with him, at request of his mother (my Aunt) and one of my Uncles. Basically because I've gone through all of this and they feel I turned it around.

Now I won't go into details out of respect for him, but I called him up that night and he thanked me but said he was busy. Last night he called me back and we chatted for a couple hours.

Talk about a trigger-fest. The situations are pretty similar and he's asking all the same out of focused questions I was. What I could advise him of I did (mostly about self worth and focusing inward not outward) and guided him to some aids plus certain things a lawyer would be better off to ask.

Been feeling rather down since then, I had some sh!tty dreams with the OM and ex ... something I haven't had in a good year. She's currently on a week long trip with internet boyfriend and gave the kids a call from somewhere yesterday. Visiting his family is my educated guess.

I dislike Mondays.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Question:
> 
> Have you ever accepted a date with someone who you believe is way out of your league? Someone who you think is just too handsome/beautiful?
> 
> I think this guy I am going out with tomorrow is just too attractive.
> I feel intimidated by his good looks. I will post a pic on private albums for a few hours. Then I will take it down.


Ne if it is the pic you posted yesterday physically he is not out of your league you are gorgeous.


----------



## Jellybeans

Um, sooooooooooooo....

checking Facebook this morning, I noticed Older Man posted a new picture of himself as a kid with three women (who I am assuming are his mother and some aunts/relatives) for mother's day. Pic is from the 70s or something. 

The last comment says, _"Happy mother's day to your mom and your wife!!!"_

He told me he has never been married or had children. I asked him point blank and he said he was not married. Wth? Maybe that was a joke or something-the comment?

He "liked" every comment but that one on his post. 

Oy.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I received a phone call from one of my cousins on Friday while I was at the gym, apparently one of my other cousins (male) is getting separated; 3 kids. I don't really talk to that side of the family a whole lot, we aren't particularly close but at the same time I don't really hold anything against them. I was asked to speak with him, at request of his mother (my Aunt) and one of my Uncles. Basically because I've gone through all of this and they feel I turned it around.
> 
> Now I won't go into details out of respect for him, but I called him up that night and he thanked me but said he was busy. Last night he called me back and we chatted for a couple hours.
> 
> Talk about a trigger-fest. The situations are pretty similar and he's asking all the same out of focused questions I was. What I could advise him of I did (mostly about self worth and focusing inward not outward) and guided him to some aids plus certain things a lawyer would be better off to ask.
> 
> Been feeling rather down since then, I had some sh!tty dreams with the OM and ex ... something I haven't had in a good year. She's currently on a week long trip with internet boyfriend and gave the kids a call from somewhere yesterday. Visiting his family is my educated guess.
> 
> I dislike Mondays.


I kind of had the same thing happen to me this weekend. One of the married women I was "talking with" last year got found out. **** hit the fan cops called and everything. 
Neighbor called me to apologize because they didn't believe me when I told them she was unfaithful. I told them "I know her better then you think I do and that she has been planning this for a long time so he needs to lawyer up immediately"...I guess she came home this morning after an all weekend bender in the city...she called the cops and accused him of beating her...
I am so glad nothing major physically happened with her and I.

Man am I soooo glad I am not married anymore, I can just walk the fck out when she goes crazy AND never have to talk to her ever again :smthumbup:


----------



## Shooboomafoo

I had my daughter this Sunday. The ex had made plans to go somewhere with her new husband. My girl tells me they do something every weekend. When we were together, we couldn't afford to go do things every weekend. And then I get into that mode of thinking..... which I despise.

My D had lost her phone again, so I offered mine for her to call and wish her mom a happy mothers day. No answer... 

Oh well I tried. 

I spent some time thinking about how easily and instantaneously I was jettisoned from that whole thing that was supposed to mean something. Knowledge of their marriage, pursuits, fun times, grates me to remember that towards the end of our marriage together, we didn't do stuff like that at all, but really, couldn't because we were more than 25K in combined b.s. debt. (cards, etc.) 

Then the later hours of the day evolved into a typical "get some chores done" day. 
It was no pressure, no hassle, watching Netflix all day in between bouts of Skyrim and Left for Dead 2. 
It was a nice Mother's Day with my kid. We did nothing. Chilled, and hung out...


----------



## Another Planet

Shooboomafoo said:


> I had my daughter this Sunday. The ex had made plans to go somewhere with her new husband. My girl tells me they do something every weekend. When we were together, we couldn't afford to go do things every weekend. And then I get into that mode of thinking..... which I despise.
> 
> My D had lost her phone again, so I offered mine for her to call and wish her mom a happy mothers day. No answer...
> 
> Oh well I tried.
> 
> I spent some time thinking about how easily and instantaneously I was jettisoned from that whole thing that was supposed to mean something. Knowledge of their marriage, pursuits, fun times, grates me to remember that towards the end of our marriage together, we didn't do stuff like that at all, but really, couldn't because we were more than 25K in combined b.s. debt. (cards, etc.)
> 
> Then the later hours of the day evolved into a typical "get some chores done" day.
> It was no pressure, no hassle, watching Netflix all day in between bouts of Skyrim and Left for Dead 2.
> It was a nice Mother's Day with my kid. We did nothing. Chilled, and hung out...


Wait she didn't want her kid on mother's day? That's weird?! It's even in my divorce paperwork that she gets the kids on mothers day and I on fathers day.


----------



## coffee4me

whitehawk said:


> Question the term single mum first people , before you lay out those roses , l know l sure do after learning what l've learnt in this last few years. Thankfully the double standards on this one are now being more and more recognized .


Well I'm single and I'm a mom , the circumstances of how I got to this point Don't make it any the less true. I stupidly assumed that other mothers on a singles thread would as well refer to themselves as single mothers. 

On Father's Day I'll remember not to use the term single fathers in reference to the men here. even thou you are single and fathers. I'll remember not to say you have a tough job doing it all on your own as opposed to a SAHD or a working married dad. You should not be praised for that. Happy?

Would you prefer the term coparenting father and mother? But then I'd need to know each persons story before wishing them well on a holiday.


----------



## whitehawk

Co parenting mother or father would be a a great idea actually , nice one :smthumbup:.
And imply a much much fairer society situation and attitudes toward both .

Wish l was in politics l'd bring that in :smthumbup:

ps , Actually , why can't it just be mum and dad , imagine how much nicer that would feel for everyone and most importantly the kids !


----------



## coffee4me

Well ok I'll try to remember that when referring to you wh  

But when referring to me please use the term single mom because I have my kids 100% of the time and I financially support them $100%.


----------



## Dollystanford

Me too
I ain't co-parenting anybody


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I kind of had the same thing happen to me this weekend. One of the married women I was "talking with" last year got found out. **** hit the fan cops called and everything.
> Neighbor called me to apologize because they didn't believe me when I told them she was unfaithful. I told them "I know her better then you think I do and that she has been planning this for a long time so he needs to lawyer up immediately"...I guess she came home this morning after an all weekend bender in the city...she called the cops and accused him of beating her...
> I am so glad nothing major physically happened with her and I.
> 
> Man am I soooo glad I am not married anymore, I can just walk the fck out when she goes crazy AND never have to talk to her ever again :smthumbup:



Yeah for sure it has got it's wittle benefits hasn't it 

l get a good laugh - to myself this is , when my brother comes over now . Moaning and gowning , his ladies a bit of a phyco , man it's funny to listen to. l know l shouldn't think like that but eh , at least l'm on the outside looking in now and then - l skip off into the sunset :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

coffee4me said:


> Well ok I'll try to remember that when referring to you wh
> 
> But when referring to me please use the term single mom because I have my kids 100% of the time and I financially support them $100%.


That's sad , where's their dad - or shouldn't l ask ?


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Um, sooooooooooooo....
> 
> checking Facebook this morning, I noticed Older Man posted a new picture of himself as a kid with three women (who I am assuming are his mother and some aunts/relatives) for mother's day. Pic is from the 70s or something.
> 
> The last comment says, _"Happy mother's day to your mom and your wife!!!"_
> 
> He told me he has never been married or had children. I asked him point blank and he said he was not married. Wth? Maybe that was a joke or something-the comment?
> 
> He "liked" every comment but that one on his post.
> 
> Oy.



Could be an explanation JB . Couldn't think of a reason to tell you his never married if he had, what would it matter.
ps , l was thinking this as in , "was " never married , not presently married - that would be a nasty but , here's hoping it was nothin anyway !


----------



## whitehawk

Ex and d had a nice mothers day . D came over Friday and then her and ex went out to a movie and lunch Sunday.
l gave d some money for a pressy a wk back so that she could just shop down the street after school with her friends and she was really exited about the stuff she'd found.
Yep l know , she woulda blown 1/2 of it on take away too :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dollystanford said:


> Me too
> I ain't co-parenting anybody


Yep. My daughter goes to her dad's every other weekend, but I am the only one who has done any actual parenting her whole life. Luckily for me, she is aware of this. :smthumbup:


----------



## coffee4me

whitehawk said:


> That's sad , where's their dad - or shouldn't l ask ?


It's not something I talk about. It's been 3 years since it ended, we were together 25 years. Through a series of events I'll just say he was not the man I married the last few years and I understand that I'm not bitter or hateful. 

He was emotionally damaging to our children and I was leaving because of it. I did not leave right away that was a big mistake on my part. There are things that have lasting damage on children. Things you can never take back and they never forgive. 

He raised his hands to me in anger pushed me hard and I fell. I have zero tolerance for physical violence. My son just turned 13 and he's not a man that does not defend his family. I was somehow able to stop it from escalating to a physical fight. And being my son is built like a mac truck and studied and competed in martial arts for 7 years it would have gotten really ugly. My 9 year old was crying and she to this day describes that as the worst day of her life. We packed and were gone in an hour. 

And that's all I have to say about that (Forrest gump )


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Ne if it is the pic you posted yesterday physically he is not out of your league you are gorgeous.


Thank you


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Um, sooooooooooooo....
> 
> checking Facebook this morning, I noticed Older Man posted a new picture of himself as a kid with three women (who I am assuming are his mother and some aunts/relatives) for mother's day. Pic is from the 70s or something.
> 
> The last comment says, _"Happy mother's day to your mom and your wife!!!"_
> 
> He told me he has never been married or had children. I asked him point blank and he said he was not married. Wth? Maybe that was a joke or something-the comment?
> 
> He "liked" every comment but that one on his post.
> 
> Oy.



i would also think he is married. have you checked his friends list?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> He told me he has never been married or had children. I asked him point blank and he said he was not married. Wth? *Maybe that was a joke or something-the comment?*


I think he just lied point blank to your face. As crappy as it is, people do that. 

Could be why he hasn't contacted you either - maybe he got busted and thats why he fell off the face of the earth.


----------



## whitehawk

coffee4me said:


> It's not something I talk about. It's been 3 years since it ended, we were together 25 years. Through a series of events I'll just say he was not the man I married the last few years and I understand that I'm not bitter or hateful.
> 
> He was emotionally damaging to our children and I was leaving because of it. I did not leave right away that was a big mistake on my part. There are things that have lasting damage on children. Things you can never take back and they never forgive.
> 
> He raised his hands to me in anger pushed me hard and I fell. I have zero tolerance for physical violence. My son just turned 13 and he's not a man that does not defend his family. I was somehow able to stop it from escalating to a physical fight. And being my son is built like a mac truck and studied and competed in martial arts for 7 years it would have gotten really ugly. My 9 year old was crying and she to this day describes that as the worst day of her life. We packed and were gone in an hour.
> 
> And that's all I have to say about that (Forrest gump )



Nah l don't wanna drag anything up that's for sure and that's not what l'm trying to do here or anything either, just a thought for you privately is how l mean this.
But if it was just that one off or one thing then he should be given the chance to be their dad again after all this time and make it up to them because they need a dad as much as they do a mum.
Everyone fks up and just read what some of the mums have done which l don't mean as any justification or comparison thing at all , just sayin. Yet they are mostly still seeing or even still have their kids.
l do realize there's probably much much more to it but , just sayin though .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Nah l don't wanna drag anything up that's for sure and that's not what l'm trying to do here or anything either, just a thought for you privately is how l mean this.
> But if it was just that one off or one thing then he should be given the chance to be their dad again after all this time and make it up to them because they need a dad as much as they do a mum.
> Everyone fks up and just read what some of the mums have done which l don't mean as any justification or comparison thing at all , just sayin. Yet they are mostly still seeing or even still have their kids.
> l do realize there's probably much much more to it but , just sayin though .


Pretty sure these kids probably dont want a damn thing to do with him. Just sayin.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Thanks F , yeah we're roughly 50/50 anyway and yeah l'm as much a single dad as ex is a s mum but it's not about hours. Most dads round here even can't get 1/4 of that and it's killing them. Mine does live with her more than me but l wanted it that way for my d.
> lt's a complex one though , whole nother topic but many different sitch's out there.
> But even in one type you were saying and you know , my first quest' is why is there no partner support first of all. l know your not only talking financially but you should see some deals some of the dads get to pay for .


Oh, I know. Some situations are really sucky. This is one area that there are no generalities. For every father who feels shafted, I can show a mother who also got shafted. 

There really are no winners in this game.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Um, sooooooooooooo....
> 
> checking Facebook this morning, I noticed Older Man posted a new picture of himself as a kid with three women (who I am assuming are his mother and some aunts/relatives) for mother's day. Pic is from the 70s or something.
> 
> The last comment says, _"Happy mother's day to your mom and your wife!!!"_
> 
> He told me he has never been married or had children. I asked him point blank and he said he was not married. Wth? Maybe that was a joke or something-the comment?
> 
> He "liked" every comment but that one on his post.
> 
> Oy.


Yikes. 

I agree with Vi. Sorry the guy was/is such an *******.
Are you FB friends? Because, if so, I'd be tempted to post something.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Could be an explanation JB . Couldn't think of a reason to tell you his never married if he had, what would it matter.


Precisely. Which is why I think, WHY would anyone lie about something so major, like being married? 



ne9907 said:


> i would also think he is married. have you checked his friends list?


Yes I have but there is no evidence of a woman who keeps posting to him or that he tags himself with. Just really and truly bizarre. No sign of a woman at ALL at his home. 



vi_bride04 said:


> I think he just lied point blank to your face. As crappy as it is, people do that.
> 
> Could be why he hasn't contacted you either - maybe he got busted and thats why he fell off the face of the earth.


You are probably so right, Vi. 



Fenix said:


> Yikes.
> 
> I agree with Vi. Sorry the guy was/is such an *******.
> Are you FB friends? Because, if so, I'd be tempted to post something.


Hehe. My colleague told me to "like" the comment about the wife. But I won't. It would be funny but I am more into the approach of "do not engage." I can disappear like a magician. I am very good at it- almost too good. "Now you see me"...and I am gone. 

I feel stupid now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I feel stupid now.


I am unclear on which guy this is...? :scratchhead:

Dont feel stupid, you only know what they tell you.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Wait she didn't want her kid on mother's day? That's weird?! It's even in my divorce paperwork that she gets the kids on mothers day and I on fathers day.


I had my son yesterday too, his mom never asked to visit him. I was planning in having him call her after breakfast, but as we were eating she called first. Atleast she got to talk to him for a bit. Strange... On fathers day i plan to do something with him no matter.

Though my ex lost her mom to cancer a decade ago and has had a difficult time with the occassion ever since.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Precisely. Which is why I think, WHY would anyone lie about something so major, like being married?


B/c cheaters have no integrity, and lying is easy peasy for them. They don't hold marriage in such a sacred place as some people. And people lie to get what they want. Like sex. 

Feel fortunate you have not dealt with cheating. You seem to have alot of trust in people's words still, which, I wish I still had. Now I question everything said to me as its just words. I miss that innocence sometimes.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Precisely. Which is why I think,
> 
> Yes I have but there is no evidence of a woman who keeps posting to him or that he tags himself with. Just really and truly bizarre. No sign of a woman at ALL at his home.


 That was my serial cheater ex's modus operandi. 




> I feel stupid now.


Don't. You asked and believed his answer. This is all on him.


----------



## coffee4me

whitehawk said:


> l do realize there's probably much much more to it but , just sayin though .


You are correct there is a lot more to the story. I am a huge believer that kids need a father. Unless, the father's presence is more destructive rather than constructive. 

I'm very fortunate that my son has male role models to learn from that he respects. My daughter has the same but since my son is the man she lives with he takes on a larger responsibility in her life. 

I appreciate your comment about second chances, I really do wish things were different but I'm playing the hand I was dealt.


----------



## Jellybeans

Fenix said:


> You asked and believed his answer. This is all on him.


True.


----------



## Lon

Fenix said:


> Yikes.
> 
> I agree with Vi. Sorry the guy was/is such an *******.
> Are you FB friends? Because, if so, I'd be tempted to post something.


JB, how far did things go with grandpa? Did he ever get on base? If so, I'd "report him" to the facebook police as Fenix suggests.

Otherwise leave him be. Crazy if its true though


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> B/c cheaters have no integrity, and lying is easy peasy for them. They don't hold marriage in such a sacred place as some people. And people lie to get what they want. Like sex.
> 
> Feel fortunate you have not dealt with cheating. You seem to have alot of trust in people's words still, which, I wish I still had. Now I question everything said to me as its just words. I miss that innocence sometimes.


Exactly

He might be going through a separation or divorce. Look out for that FB post to disapear, he may erase it.

I know than when ex and I were going through our separation, he blocked me and all my family from his FB feed. He also erased any trace of our past together. 
If anyone would mention my name in his FB, he would quickly delete the comment.
Oh, btw he did this before we even got separated.


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> Exactly
> 
> He might be going through a separation or divorce. Look out for that FB post to disapear, he may erase it.
> 
> I know than when ex and I were going through our separation, he blocked me and all my family from his FB feed. He also erased any trace of our past together.
> If anyone would mention my name in his FB, he would quickly delete the comment.
> Oh, btw he did this before we even got separated.


This is a long shot, but he may simply not be married, but people who know him may assume, because of his age or temperament or something along those lines, that he is.

I always assumed my teammate was married. He's extremely level headed, wears daddy clothes, and is somewhat soft spoken. Typical level-headed daddy type. And then I asked him about his family.

Turned out he's gay.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Wait she didn't want her kid on mother's day? That's weird?! It's even in my divorce paperwork that she gets the kids on mothers day and I on fathers day.


My thought, too! Especially if they do stuff all of the time. And ex and I have the same agreement.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> . Look out for that FB post to disapear, he may erase it.


Yeah, will be interesting to see what happens. I mean saying "never married/no children" is not at all in the same ballpark as going through a separation/divorce/being married, you know?



Lon said:


> If so, I'd "report him" to the facebook police as Fenix suggests.
> 
> Nah, I am not going to report him or talk to him.





caladan said:


> This is a long shot, but he may simply not be married, but people who know him may assume, because of his age or temperament or something along those lines, that he is.


This guy is definitely not gay. And I find it odd anyone would say "happy mother's day to your mom and *your wife*" if there wasn't something to base that off of. Truly weird.

Maybe he has a girlfriend that his friends refer to as "wife." Nonetheless, he essentially told me there was no marriage/wife and children.


----------



## COGypsy

Jellybeans said:


> This guy is definitely not gay. And I find it odd anyone would say "happy mother's day to your mom and *your wife*" if there wasn't something to base that off of. Truly weird.
> 
> Maybe he has a girlfriend that his friends refer to as "wife." Nonetheless, he essentially told me there was no marriage/wife and children.


Why does it matter? Have you heard any more from him? I thought he'd slipped off into the ether, so what does it matter what's posted on his Facebook or not?


----------



## muskrat

COGypsy said:


> Why does it matter? Have you heard any more from him? I thought he'd slipped off into the ether, so what does it matter what's posted on his Facebook or not?


:iagree:

The added bonus is that this will make it easy to forget about him and move on. You seem to still have had feelings for him and a desire for him to come back into your life. I would guess that this killed any feelings you may have had.


----------



## Jellybeans

COGypsy said:


> Why does it matter?


It matters to me. And in the spirit of the thread I like to post my dating stories.

People are strange.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> It matters to me. And in the spirit of the thread I like to post my dating stories.
> 
> People are strange.




Yep
sometimes, even if I am sure of what I will do next, i like to comment it to you all. 

Btw, is this grandpa??

For example, I have a date set with new guy for this afternoon at a small pub near the beach. I was debating whether I should wear a nice flowery dress and heels or blue jeans.

I am going with blue jeans, blouse, and cardigan.

I am not texting him to confirm our date, since we just made it last night. His last text to me was "I am looking forward to meeting you"

He is the one I think is too handsome. Maybe he is just very photogenic. I shall find out tonight and report tomorrow!!!

If I like him. I will be a freaking saint!!! (no sex until after about a month of getting to know him)


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Yep
> sometimes, even if I am sure of what I will do next, i like to comment it to you all.
> 
> Btw, is this grandpa??
> 
> For example, I have a date set with new guy for this afternoon at a small pub near the beach. I was debating whether I should wear a nice flowery dress and heels or blue jeans.
> 
> I am going with blue jeans, blouse, and cardigan.
> 
> I am not texting him to confirm our date, since we just made it last night. His last text to me was "I am looking forward to meeting you"
> 
> He is the one I think is too handsome. Maybe he is just very photogenic. I shall find out tonight and report tomorrow!!!
> 
> If I like him. I will be a freaking saint!!! (no sex until after about a month of getting to know him)


Woah woah woah settle down, don't be doing anything drastic now! One month? Don't you think that's a little extreme?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Woah woah woah settle down, don't be doing anything drastic now! One month? Don't you think that's a little extreme?


:rofl:
and I thought one month was reasonable!!!

Hmm, must reconsider. But yeah, a month sounds reasonable. But I am getting ahead of myself. We might not even click!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> For example, I have a date set with new guy for this afternoon at a small pub near the beach. I was debating whether I should wear a nice flowery dress and heels or blue jeans.
> 
> I am going with blue jeans, blouse, and cardigan.


Small pub near beach and it's your first time meeting? Jeans and a cute top are a perfect outfit for that. 

Hope it goes well!


----------



## Shooboomafoo

EnjoliWoman said:


> My thought, too! Especially if they do stuff all of the time. And ex and I have the same agreement.


Seems like for the first year, that was the situation, we would make concessions during custody for mothers day and fathers day. I guess she was too busy this year trying to spend her new husband how much she loves him..


----------



## Another Planet

:/ were getting pumled with tornadoes...third one today and this one is coming straight for me...siren just came on, should be here with in 5min.
Be safe Vi!


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> :/ were getting pumled with tornadoes...third one today and this one is coming straight for me...siren just came on, should be here with in 5min.
> Be safe Vi!


Thanks, but been getting nailed ALL DAY today. Flint has it bad, looks like another strong line of storms is coming in and probably be hitting just as I am walking out of work. 

BOOOOO! Love the warmer weather, but the severity of the storms is a little frightening. Its only May and I swear tornadoes could have come from every storm that has popped up the past couple of weeks.


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah out of the 3 warnings nothing has touched down yet fortunately but man I was on my way home earlier and it was raining so hard I could barely drive 20mph and even then I could only see the tail lights of the car in front of me.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Thanks, but been getting nailed ALL DAY today. Flint has it bad, looks like another strong line of storms is coming in and probably be hitting just as I am walking out of work.
> 
> BOOOOO! Love the warmer weather, but the severity of the storms is a little frightening. Its only May and I swear tornadoes could have come from every storm that has popped up the past couple of weeks.





Another Planet said:


> :/ were getting pumled with tornadoes...third one today and this one is coming straight for me...siren just came on, should be here with in 5min.
> Be safe Vi!


Be careful guys.

Call me crazy, but I miss my Oklahoma weather, which is exactly like you are describing. I would be so extremely happy each spring (April-May)....

I would even chase a few storms, I love smelling the thunderstorms approaching, the wind, the chill in the air, the raindrops plummeting down on me...

Gosh, i miss that so much... send me some rain water in a jar!!!! oh and dont forget to add the wind


----------



## caladan

Jellybeans said:


> This guy is definitely not gay. And I find it odd anyone would say "happy mother's day to your mom and *your wife*" if there wasn't something to base that off of. Truly weird.
> 
> Maybe he has a girlfriend that his friends refer to as "wife." Nonetheless, he essentially told me there was no marriage/wife and children.


Noo, heh. The reference to my gay colleague was to point out how easy it is for people to make assumptions. Did my message really come across as though I assumed your fella was gay?

Bottom line - he may be married. He may not. He's likely to be, but likely isn't 100%.


----------



## ne9907

Off for my date. He texted me something really cute

"Happy Monday afternoon! See you soon "

First ever pre date text.


----------



## ne9907

Omg haha you all gonna love this


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Omg haha you all gonna love this


Well??


----------



## vi_bride04

I know leave us hanging....wtf?? 

My dates have been lack luster, ne, I need to live vicariously thorough this thread


----------



## ne9907

Pictures sometimes lie.
So I was afraid that he was way out of my league. Boy. Haha. So first of, he changed plans on me and we meet at the pier. I pulled in, he is getting out of a beat up white minivan...
He looks as if he hasn't showered in days!! His teeth are very yellow, wearing a tshirt and corduroy pants.
My first instinct was to run away
But I pride myself in not being materialistic and giving people
A chance. 
He asked me if I wanted a drink. I said sure.
He goes into a nearby liquor store and gets two big cans of budlight....

Anyway, we head to the beach sit down and his hands are all over me. I tell him that we just met and it makes me uncomfortable. 
He asks why am I on a dating site? 
I tell him to.meet people.
He stops, offers no conversation and at this I want to leave.
He starts with.the touching again!! So I tell him to stop! He calls me uptight.
I start saying how he is nothing I expected, driving a beat.up minivan, looking like a bum, and he is 37 years old.
I said lets just end this and he agreed.
I feel bad. I apologized and he said I acted like a ***** so I left.

It was very comical. One for the dating.stories for sure.


----------



## ne9907

I gave you all the cliff notes because I am on my phone, but it was hillarious!!
I am so sad I wasted my gas on him....


----------



## vi_bride04

WHOA!!!! 

Ok, I'm done with dating after that story, ne. The next guy I go out with I'm connecting with in person first!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Pictures sometimes lie.
> So I was afraid that he was way out of my league. Boy. Haha. So first of, he changed plans on me and we meet at the pier. I pulled in, he is getting out of a beat up white minivan...
> He looks as if he hasn't showered in days!! His teeth are very yellow, wearing a tshirt and corduroy pants.
> My first instinct was to run away
> But I pride myself in not being materialistic and giving people
> A chance.
> He asked me if I wanted a drink. I said sure.
> He goes into a nearby liquor store and gets two big cans of budlight....
> 
> Anyway, we head to the beach sit down and his hands are all over me. I tell him that we just met and it makes me uncomfortable.
> He asks why am I on a dating site?
> I tell him to.meet people.
> He stops, offers no conversation and at this I want to leave.
> He starts with.the touching again!! So I tell him to stop! He calls me uptight.
> I start saying how he is nothing I expected, driving a beat.up minivan, looking like a bum, and he is 37 years old.
> I said lets just end this and he agreed.
> I feel bad. I apologized and he said I acted like a ***** so I left.
> 
> It was very comical. One for the dating.stories for sure.


WOW ne, what the hell?? Was that really him in those pics?? Unbelievable! Thank goodness you got away from him thats damn scary!


----------



## ne9907

Oh yeah it was him

But definitely very photogenic... I am small but I could have taken him. No question about it.
I do carry my gun in the trunk of my car....

All I can do is laugh


----------



## moxy

Yikes. What a disaster.

And what's with the "why are you on a dating site?" Question? It seems to mean, to these dudes, "why are you on a dating site when you're not willing to be the object I want in the way I want it?". I got that question, too; looking to meet someone you like does not equal desperate for attention without any gauge of chemistry or connection.


----------



## Ikaika

Wow, if nothing else just log the date down in detail along with others. It will make for a good book someday. 

Sorry to hear that it went the way it did.


----------



## ne9907

I am definitely.going to use that one. And blue eyes too.
Ladies never chase after a man.
I ended with blue eyes tonight, he was done with me anyway. 3x knows why it would have never worked out.... lol


----------



## Nsweet

So you girls are done with dating? Again.....

I'm done with women, period. 

I love women but I'm just not ready to deal with them yet.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Yikes. What a disaster.
> 
> And what's with the "why are you on a dating site?" Question? It seems to mean, to these dudes, "why are you on a dating site when you're not willing to be the object I want in the way I want it?". I got that question, too; looking to meet someone you like does not equal desperate for attention without any gauge of chemistry or connection.


Yeah, if people are "dtf" then they usually put that on their profile. Lol.

Good story though ne!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So you girls are done with dating? Again.....
> 
> I'm done with women, period.
> 
> I love women but I'm just not ready to deal with them yet.


"For tonight"


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> "For tonight"


took the words right out of my mouth.


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> Yeah, if people are "dtf" then they usually put that on their profile. Lol.
> 
> Good story though ne!



What is "dtf"?


----------



## ne9907

I am not done. I am just getting started!


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> So you girls are done with dating? Again.....
> 
> I'm done with women, period.
> 
> I love women but I'm just not ready to deal with them yet.



I'm not done. I've just gotta pause to brood over the wtf!? feeling for a few days.


----------



## Ikaika

ne, are you sure that guy was 37? The way you described him, he sounded older... or maybe he sounded like this guy:

a van down by the river - YouTube


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> What is "dtf"?


Down To F*ck!:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Ugh......seems my dog is scared of thunderstorms.....but only since I put my dobie down (who couldn't care less) 



I don't know what to do to comfort her. I know usually ignoring unwanted behavior is prefered. Makes me thinking getting another dog not scared of storms would be beneficial...hmmmm


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Ugh......seems my dog is scared of thunderstorms.....but only since I put my dobie down (who couldn't care less)
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know what to do to comfort her. I know usually ignoring unwanted behavior is prefered. Makes me thinking getting another dog not scared of storms would be beneficial...hmmmm


I got this. 


I used to have two big chows that whined and cried whenever there were thunder storms. Had to take them in and love on them until they felt safe. 

Sometimes even man's best friend need a little love and comfort to feel safe.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> I'm not done. I've just gotta pause to brood over the wtf!? feeling for a few days.


You want to know the best thing about not even caring? When you give up on dating or finding "the one", you become way less codependent and you can better focus on what they have to say vs what you want to hear. 

I swear to god not giving a sh!t about women and not proactively looking to date or hookup made it so much easier to do just that.It's like they can't figure out why you're not hitting on them like other guys, and when you actually listen to what they have to say they don't know what think at first. 

"I enjoy hanging out with you too"..... "I don't want to sleep with you either"..... "Go back to what you were saying about that woman at work you hate, what's her deal now?"

That's what you learn from marriage.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I gave you all the cliff notes because I am on my phone, but it was hillarious!!
> I am so sad I wasted my gas on him....


Oh man. What a loser.  Still, it is a good story. 

Vi, google thunder shirts. I have heard good things on them. The thing about getting another dog is you don't know if he/she is scared of storms too.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I pulled in, he is getting out of a beat up white minivan...
> He looks as if he hasn't showered in days!! His teeth are very yellow, wearing a tshirt and corduroy pants.
> My first instinct was to run away
> 
> He asked me if I wanted a drink. I said sure.
> He goes into a nearby liquor store and gets two big cans of budlight....
> 
> Anyway, we head to the beach sit down and his hands are all over me. I tell him that we just met and it makes me uncomfortable.
> He asks why am I on a dating site?
> I tell him to.meet people.
> He stops, offers no conversation and at this I want to leave.
> He starts with.the touching again!! So I tell him to stop! He calls me uptight.


Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! 

Glad you survived it. LOL. He's lucky he didn't get clocked for being so handsy. Gross! 

But it is kind of a funny story. Funny in a gross way. LOL.


----------



## muskrat

Are men really that stupid to think that because they met you on a dating site you are willing to let them in your pants 5 minutes after meeting?
Seriously if all you ladies wanted was a wham bam thank you ma'am, you wouldn't have to waste your time on a dating site. You all are obviously looking for something more substantial.

Oh well, I love these dating horror stories, makes me think I am one heck of a great guy. Well, at least compared to these bums.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Pictures sometimes lie.
> So I was afraid that he was way out of my league. Boy. Haha. So first of, he changed plans on me and we meet at the pier. I pulled in, he is getting out of a beat up white minivan...
> He looks as if he hasn't showered in days!! His teeth are very yellow, wearing a tshirt and corduroy pants.
> My first instinct was to run away
> But I pride myself in not being materialistic and giving people
> A chance.
> He asked me if I wanted a drink. I said sure.
> He goes into a nearby liquor store and gets two big cans of budlight....
> 
> Anyway, we head to the beach sit down and his hands are all over me. I tell him that we just met and it makes me uncomfortable.
> He asks why am I on a dating site?
> I tell him to.meet people.
> He stops, offers no conversation and at this I want to leave.
> He starts with.the touching again!! So I tell him to stop! He calls me uptight.
> I start saying how he is nothing I expected, driving a beat.up minivan, looking like a bum, and he is 37 years old.
> I said lets just end this and he agreed.
> I feel bad. I apologized and he said I acted like a ***** so I left.
> 
> It was very comical. One for the dating.stories for sure.



OH NE!

You always meet at a restaurant... and try to get there first so you are waiting inside... people sometimes look better than their pics, sometimes not....


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> Ugh......seems my dog is scared of thunderstorms.....but only since I put my dobie down (who couldn't care less)
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know what to do to comfort her. I know usually ignoring unwanted behavior is prefered. Makes me thinking getting another dog not scared of storms would be beneficial...hmmmm


They actually make these hugging body sleeves for dogs - same effect as swaddling a baby, but I bet any sort of doggie outfit that has some stretch to it but fits snugly would do the trick. Something snug around them feels secure. They also want a den during scary times. My aussie shepherd/border collie liked my closet so during storms I'd put a big blanket in there and make a 'nest' he could partially burrow in and shut the door all but a little bit (so he wasn't trapped). The snug feeling plus the safe cubby will help a lot.

ETA - oops - see up above 'thunder shirts' was already mentioned! GMTA!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Are men really that stupid to think that because they met you on a dating site you are willing to let them in your pants 5 minutes after meeting?
> Seriously if all you ladies wanted was a wham bam thank you ma'am, you wouldn't have to waste your time on a dating site. You all are obviously looking for something more substantial.
> 
> *Oh well, I love these dating horror stories, makes me think I am one heck of a great guy.* Well, at least compared to these bums.


Yes you are, you're freaking adorable inside and out!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> Pictures sometimes lie.
> So I was afraid that he was way out of my league. Boy. Haha. So first of, he changed plans on me and we meet at the pier. I pulled in, he is getting out of a beat up white minivan...
> He looks as if he hasn't showered in days!! His teeth are very yellow, wearing a tshirt and corduroy pants.
> My first instinct was to run away
> But I pride myself in not being materialistic and giving people
> A chance.
> He asked me if I wanted a drink. I said sure.
> He goes into a nearby liquor store and gets two big cans of budlight....
> 
> Anyway, we head to the beach sit down and his hands are all over me. I tell him that we just met and it makes me uncomfortable.
> He asks why am I on a dating site?
> I tell him to.meet people.
> He stops, offers no conversation and at this I want to leave.
> He starts with.the touching again!! So I tell him to stop! He calls me uptight.
> I start saying how he is nothing I expected, driving a beat.up minivan, looking like a bum, and he is 37 years old.
> I said lets just end this and he agreed.
> I feel bad. I apologized and he said I acted like a ***** so I left.
> 
> It was very comical. One for the dating.stories for sure.


AAaaahahahaha! Good for you for giving him a chance even though his appearance was sketchy Personally I think a guy could at least get a pair of khakis at Good will for $3.50 so they can clean up on a budget. There are several in my area and you can get good brands like Hilfiger and Dockers - no need to look scruffy. And going next door for a drink instead of a restaurant - hilarious.

I have some funny date stories, too and I guarantee this one will be mentioned on a regular basis when you gather with girlfriends! You weren't a b*tch - a 'dating site' is for DATING. It doesn't imply sex on the first date!


----------



## whitehawk

Few people done right now hu !

It's a weird business. l feel done, l feel wtf !
lt is sooo much drama and high maintenance being with a women , one way or another it always is. Youknow my ex was about the most low maintenance chick and personality l've ever know yet even with her. My life was still somehow forced many times over into all sorts of things and then after going through all that l just get this and now my life will still be forced into all kinds of things for years to come because of it..
And dating's no fkg different l realize , hell you only have to even just hang around here a few mths even to get a taste of that .
And if you really want a taste of it you can sign up on a date site or get yourself out there and start getting involved with a few but one way or another , more drama , maintenance and usually belly up at the end of it to boot anyway .
lt really is no wonder so many of the guys disappear after a few dates .

My women holiday , 2wks now is showing me one thing - no drama , just bliss .
l even stopped my date site emails coming through on my phone , more bliss. lt stops me getting curious and following one up. Now l just don't see em unless l go and log in , which l can't be fkd doing.
l can not believe just how hassle free life is even with the extra huge [email protected] l have going on , it is soooo much easier .

Downside . l realize though it is also lonely . Maybe that's why we must get back out there and throw ourselves into all that [email protected] again. A bit of [email protected] sex which is usually all you get from most of your [email protected] dates sure isn't worth it , but there is def' a companionship void .

l wonder if friends fill that void. Well in all honesty they never have for me and l don't have hardly any here to try that one out these days . 
l mean if you could find the right women again then yes it would be worth it for the companionship . But it's a pretty fugly road to where you may even find no end anyway isn't it .

Sratching head about it all right now :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Ne.
> 
> 
> 
> Who knows how old he was ne, drerio is right. The whole thing is fishy. Did he handle the Bid Light to you in a paper bag and look both ways for cops before he took a swig? Don't answer that . . .
> 
> 
> If the gut says run, run indeed, and faster than a beat up minivan. Someone else can "give him a chance." I hope you learn from this that no one is "out of your league" *perhaps that was the cosmic lesson*, that and men lie also post shopped or ancient photos just like women! Equality again.
> 
> Next time . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w4awaRFy84


totally love this! Cosmic lesson.
Yeah, indeed. 
I am still laughing this morning, my problem is that I think I am above others and am too nice. I wanted to run, but the "nice" person in me said "give him a chance" 
haha.

Not again 
Oh, and I had great plans for the bum and I (before I met him that is) :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Are men really that stupid to think that because they met you on a dating site you are willing to let them in your pants 5 minutes after meeting?
> Seriously if all you ladies wanted was a wham bam thank you ma'am, you wouldn't have to waste your time on a dating site. You all are obviously looking for something more substantial.
> 
> Oh well, I love these dating horror stories, makes me think *I am one heck of a great guy*. Well, at least compared to these bums.


I reckon you are!
One day, I will totally leave Narnia, get lost in the woods and stalk you until you decided I am too much of a chaser!


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> AAaaahahahaha! Good for you for giving him a chance even though his appearance was sketchy Personally I think a guy could at least get a pair of khakis at Good will for $3.50 so they can clean up on a budget. There are several in my area and you can get good brands like Hilfiger and Dockers - no need to look scruffy. And going next door for a drink instead of a restaurant - hilarious.
> 
> I have some funny date stories, too and I guarantee this one will be mentioned on a regular basis when you gather with girlfriends! You weren't a b*tch - a 'dating site' is for DATING. It doesn't imply sex on the first date!


And I found him on Match.com
Not sure how he can afford the subscription


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> And I found him on Match.com
> Not sure how he can afford the subscription


I was going to ask where you found this one!


----------



## whitehawk

When l went up to Pocket Rockets place for the day a few mths back, you know she didn't offer to pay for one thing , not one.

Her town had heaps of tourist things and we just wondered round for hours having coffees and bites to eat , then going into this place or checking out that - all tourist things that cost you.

lt was pretty funny really. Being really my first date in 18yrs and with a 41 year old where as it use to be 20 to 26 or 7 yr olds .
l'm chuckling to myself self all day and thinking hmm , is this normal now - just sit back and let him foot the bill all day long.
l thought there was all this equality [email protected] going on .

Anyway , it just had me chuckling every time it came time to pay for something or order something. With the diesel costs to get up there and back , that day costed me a packet !
And the funniest twist was , she was the one with 300k in the bank .


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> And I found him on Match.com
> Not sure how he can afford the subscription


Well clearly he's saving a lot of money on his "dates"! Couple of tall boys and sitting on dirt. So he was out what? Six bucks maybe? Leaves plenty of room in the budget for one of the discount subscriptions on match!:rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> And I found him on Match.com
> Not sure how he can afford the subscription


The last guy I dated, I was upset that I saw him active on match - I had met him on there and months later I popped in because I was showing someone a photo of him and saw he was active. I asked him about it, only looking to understand if we were exclusive and apparently if you meet certain criteria for being active (contacting so many people per month, etc.) and you still don't meet anyone, then you get your money back. Maybe he was doing that?


----------



## minimalME

whitehawk said:


> When l went up to Pocket Rockets place for the day a few mths back, you know she didn't offer to pay for one thing , not one.
> 
> Her town had heaps of tourist things and we just wondered round for hours having coffees and bites to eat , then going into this place or checking out that - all tourist things that cost you.
> 
> lt was pretty funny really. Being really my first date in 18yrs and with a 41 year old where as it use to be 20 to 26 or 7 yr olds .
> l'm chuckling to myself self all day and thinking hmm , is this normal now - just sit back and let him foot the bill all day long.
> l thought there was all this equality [email protected] going on .
> 
> Anyway , it just had me chuckling every time it came time to pay for something or order something. With the diesel costs to get up there and back , that day costed me a packet !
> And the funniest twist was , she was the one with 300k in the bank .


You know, there's no place where the rules of 'equality in dating' are written down for all to read, learn and observe.

If you have a standard, say so. Preferably before going out the first time.

People set themselves up for frustration and disappointment by just waiting to see what happens. It's all so arbitrary, it's ridiculous really.

I'm high strung as it is, and so to take some of the anxiety away, I ask men for their thoughts about paying, and, so far, no one has asked me to cover expenses.

Don't put your expectations off on someone else - or assume that everyone shares your thoughts about what's 'right'.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wow. That's very inconsiderate. Maybe it never occurred to her because $20 here and $20 there doesn't mean much to her due to her financial status. 

But I'm super careful/paranoid that I don't come across as a gold digger, that I would never ask to go into all of the places. Sure I'd let the guy buy coffee and a muffin and then lunch but at some point I would limit what I wanted him to spend. Or maybe since that was MY stomping grounds, I'd treat the guy to one of my favorite attractions. 

I hope she was just oblivious vs. rude and/or princess-y.


----------



## Another Planet

Ne I am sorry that happened but that is really pretty funny


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> The last guy I dated, I was upset that I saw him active on match - I had met him on there and months later I popped in because I was showing someone a photo of him and saw he was active. I asked him about it, only looking to understand if we were exclusive and apparently if you meet certain criteria for being active (contacting so many people per month, etc.) and you still don't meet anyone, then you get your money back. Maybe he was doing that?


Enjoli you never would have seen he was active if you weren't on Match also  Needed a picture really? Months of dating and you don't have a pic yet? If you were stalking just admit it 

And if he was honestly trying to get the refund by manipulating the circumstances why would you want to be with someone like that..."oh he's just trying to get his money back is all, that's the only reason why he is still checking out girls"...I don't think so 
Let see he is a cheap ass and he is a playa...NOPE don't even think twice!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Enjoli you never would have seen he was active if you weren't on Match also  Needed a picture really? Months of dating and you don't have a pic yet? If you were stalking just admit it


Nope, I never took a photo of him, nor he of I. The only photo I had to show her was on his profile. I hadn't been on in months and didn't care if I was charged for my membership. Keeping up with all of the requirements was a PITA.


----------



## jpr

I have stalked men I have dated to see how active they are on match.


Men lie....a lot. 

They will tell you they are not.dating anyone else....or looking to date anyone else....but, then you look at their profile and they are still active.


I think a lot of men fall into the trap of thinking there is something better out there. ....at least that has been my experience.


----------



## jpr

Maybe it is just people in general who fall into that trap. 

Online dating gives you a smorgasbord of options to choose from.

....a lot of people seem to have trouble stepping away from the buffet and just savoring what they have.


----------



## Jellybeans

jpr said:


> Men lie....a lot.
> 
> They will tell you they are not.dating anyone else....or looking to date anyone else...


Or not married.


----------



## Ikaika

(Repost from another thread). Not to change the subject too much. Sunday was awesome. So, I coach my son's flag football team. The rules vary a little, but it essentially is 5 on 5. There are no kick-offs or punts so you start back on your own 5 yard line. You have 4 plays to cross the halfway mark. And if you do, you get another 4 plays to score. Each touchdown still counts for six point and then you have the option of running a regular play from the seven yard line which equals a one point extra-point or from the 10 yard line which is a two point, extra-point. 



The coach can be on the field calling the offensive plays but on defense, coaches can only call out from the sidelines what defense to run. There are two halves, each 20 minutes long with a 10 minute halftime.



It was a cloudy day, not too hot (slight breeze a bit of a change from Saturday which was muggy and hot) and good weather for a game. At halftime we were up 13 - 6. Going into the second half they started with the ball and we just fell apart of defense and let time score within in three plays. Ugh. I told the guys it is time to strike back we did... not to go blow by blow but here it was six minutes left in the game and time to march down the field. The game was all knotted up at 19 a piece. We started on our five and the first play got us out to the 10 yard line. Very next play the ball was tipped and intercepted by the opposing team. We pulled the flag almost immediately. It took them 4 plays from that point to finally score but they were unsuccessful in converting the extra point. So now we were down 25 - 19. We had two minutes to march from our own five to get a score and I had two timeouts. So we ran though a series of our best short plays. Getting out of bounds to stop the clock and I used both timeouts. We marched all the way down to their two yard line, it was fourth down (we had to convert), no timeouts, only 20 seconds on the clock and the rain suddenly came down with a torrent. Like I told the boys at the beginning of this drive (you have to believe we are going to win this game, we will not hang our head or give up). We ran the play and scored a touchdown. With the clock stopped we had the opportunity to win with one extra point. We executed the extra-point to perfection and we were up 26-25. It gave them all of seven seconds to run a final play. They were totally unsuccessful as we had momentum and our defense played it tough. Go "Pounders" 

The main thing I wanted to teach these kids was to never give up. I wanted them to realize that it takes mental and sometimes physical toughness to battle through adversity to never give up and that alone they can take with them into life. Sometimes they will win others times not, but it makes no difference you don't quit.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Drerio - message received - we will never give up! 

I'm waiting to get my weight back down a bit more before I venture out. I've grown out my short hair and dropped 25 pounds so that's a good head start according to all of the men who observe sex rank.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I have stalked men I have dated to see how active they are on match.
> 
> 
> Men lie....a lot.
> 
> They will tell you they are not.dating anyone else....or looking to date anyone else....but, then you look at their profile and they are still active.
> 
> 
> I think a lot of men fall into the trap of thinking there is something better out there. ....at least that has been my experience.


A chick I dated got all p!ssy with me because after a date I logged on to my dating site to check a message I got a notification for.

I regret having to explain it away to her and apologizing, and taking my profile down.

What I should have said is: I told you I am only seeing you at the moment, and I have no intentions of planning a date with anyone else until I find out where you and I are headed. For you to assume I'm playing you would be an incorrect assumption on your part and if you feel the need to police my online activities that would be a dealbreaker, not because I'm a cheater but because of your hypocrisy and inability to put my integrity ahead of your insecurities.


----------



## coffee4me

Life lessons thru football D. You know I love that


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Drerio - message received - we will never give up!
> 
> I'm waiting to get my weight back down a bit more before I venture out. I've grown out my short hair and dropped 25 pounds so that's a good head start according to all of the men who observe sex rank.



Of course dating someone who observes sex ranking is well... No further comment 

That is right, never give up.


----------



## unsure78

sorry Lon but im a total online stalker too... it has served me well post D... men lie a lot... (im sure women do too i just dont know that side of it lol)


----------



## Another Planet

Online stalking is just like when you get pulled over by a cop, "if you have nothing to hide then can I just see your license and registration?"


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> sorry Lon but im a total online stalker too... it has served me well post D... men lie a lot... (im sure women do too i just dont know that side of it lol)


I believe that a lot of men lie a lot. I don't, so why should what a bunch of morons and d!cks do become my problem? I guess that is part of the reason I never really found many dates, my truth is just not grandiose enough, and my good qualities are just not believable by most women, especially if it can't be verified by a Google background check.

Lying seems like the only way people know how to get a lot of dates.

Also, I have no problem with online stalking, just don't make false allegations about me based on faulty assumptions.


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> I believe that a lot of men lie a lot. I don't, so why should what a bunch of morons and d!cks do become my problem? I guess that is part of the reason I never really found many dates, my truth is just not grandiose enough, and my good qualities are just not believable by most women, especially if it can't be verified by a Google background check.
> 
> Lying seems like the only way people know how to get a lot of dates.



Beautiful thing about getting old, you don't sh!t about what other people think and thus lying is futile.


----------



## Lon

drerio said:


> Beautiful thing about getting old, you don't sh!t about what other people think and thus lying is futile.


well, when you are not so old, and are alone and craving sexual attention, and tired of masturbating all the time, you do give a sh!t about what women think. Lying serves a good purpose for those without integrity.


----------



## RandomDude

With all these horror stories of online dating its no wonder that its rather easy to randomly sweep women off their feet via the traditional fashion of approaching her face to face and getting her number


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> With all these horror stories of online dating its no wonder that its rather easy to randomly sweep women off their feet via the traditional fashion of approaching her face to face and getting her number


That would require some guys to venture very far out of their comfort zone, especially if they are taking a huge risk because their glances and lears have not been met with any sort of eye contact, there are no return indications of interest and body language is specifically saying "get lost and don't think about it". But if you are clueless and persistent the numbers game may work, else if you are tall and handsome you will have a much more welcoming approach.

I guess it's easier to lie and misrepresent online.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> With all these horror stories of online dating its no wonder that its rather easy to randomly sweep women off their feet via the traditional fashion of approaching her face to face and getting her number


I would be blown away, no one has ever done that with me.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Not really, last few months I've just mistaking them for someone else ("Oops" hehe ) then introducing myself and starting a conversation :rofl:

Icebreaker and introduction in one go! Then over the course of the conversation while you charm her is where you 'qualify' her so to speak, is she interested/not/available (and if she is pretty up-close!), and if she is interested, 'close the sale'! lol

If not, then it is all a case of mistaken identity hehe 

So far I've had a near total success rate - probably because I don't 'close' unless I know she's going to bite!



3Xnocharm said:


> I would be blown away, no one has ever done that with me.


:scratchhead:
How can that be so?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I would be blown away, no one has ever done that with me.


I have attempted this a couple times in my life, but there was no sweeping off of feet, just a lot of bumbling through.


----------



## RandomDude

Just stop thinking with your brain and start thinking with your second brain, and let it do the work for you. It works for me anyway! Heh


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> Maybe it is just people in general who fall into that trap.
> 
> Online dating gives you a smorgasbord of options to choose from.
> 
> ....a lot of people seem to have trouble stepping away from the buffet and just savoring what they have.


This is EXACTLY what I have said about the dating sites! Because of this, they turn nice men into skeevy womanizing a$$holes.


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> This is EXACTLY what I have said about the dating sites! Because of this, they turn nice men into skeevy womanizing a$$holes.


It does work that way...sometimes. In those cases, i think the niceness was a veneer though.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Just stop thinking with your brain and start thinking with your second brain, and let it do the work for you. It works for me anyway! Heh


Yeah I'm kind of in a funk that way. I think I might be little brain dead.


----------



## Another Planet

“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel

The Blessing of a Broken Heart: How Pain Can Lead to Healing


----------



## caladan

3Xnocharm said:


> This is EXACTLY what I have said about the dating sites! Because of this, they turn nice men into skeevy womanizing a$$holes.


True. It also turns women into rather hostile entities, who pretty much condemn you at "hello".

And yet - for some reason, we all continue using said sites.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> This is EXACTLY what I have said about the dating sites! Because of this, they turn nice men into skeevy womanizing a$$holes.


Sadly this works both ways. 

I'm with Lon on this one, I have always just been honest. Doesn't get me much action, but if I do find someone at least it will be real. One lady I dated for a short time went so far with her stalking that she checked court records and lord knows what else. She told me she was shocked that every thing I ever told her checked out and matched my public record. I just laughed it off. I really never saw the point in lying. I am who I am. Love me or hate me, I am me.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> With all these horror stories of online dating its no wonder that its rather easy to randomly sweep women off their feet via the traditional fashion of approaching her face to face and getting her number


Totally the best way to be asked out!


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> True. It also turns women into rather hostile entities, who pretty much condemn you at "hello".
> 
> And yet - for some reason, we all continue using said sites.


I think that genuine, nice men don't behave like a$$holes just because the website culture makes it the norm.

I think that warm, inviting women don't condemn you at hello, regardless of the weird messages that the website sends their way.

Unfortunately, the pseudonymous nature of these websites makes people a little less accountable, a little less likely to act on their best behavior. However, it seems to serve as a way to weed out people who would have eventually demonstrated jerk-like or btch-like tendencies anyway. 

These sites do make for some interesting encounters, though!


----------



## moxy

Why are all the guys who ask me out on this website in their 20s? :/


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I think that genuine, nice men don't behave like a$$holes just because the website culture makes it the norm.
> 
> I think that warm, inviting women don't condemn you at hello, regardless of the weird messages that the website sends their way.
> 
> Unfortunately, the pseudonymous nature of these websites makes people a little less accountable, a little less likely to act on their best behavior. However, it seems to serve as a way to weed out people who would have eventually demonstrated jerk-like or btch-like tendencies anyway.
> 
> These sites do make for some interesting encounters, though!


I think the nature of online dating sites requires gentlemen to be a little more aggressive in their pursuits then the way they truly are in real life. I think this is how dating in general is, but the online effect amplifies it. So long as enough desirable women value men whom go after what they want and pursue it vigorously, there will always be a slew of overlooked gentlemen that are genuinely good and have their sh1t together, but that just aren't perceived as "hot" simply because they have little standapart social value.


----------



## Another Planet

A lot of it has to do with the instant gratification the online experience portrays. People think that just cause they have a profile on the massive online dating market that you will instantly find the "one".
That is not true, it is just as hard if not harder since the majority give a false representation of themselves for example Ne's latest experience. 

There are still good ones out there that are genuine. I have no idea how to find them though? Be yourself always is a good start. Lower your expectations maybe?! ROFL!!!
I also don't know how there are so many bad one's out there? Obviously you are not looking in the right direction if you can wade through piles of men and women and not find a good one.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I think the nature of online dating sites requires gentlemen to be a little more aggressive in their pursuits then the way they truly are in real life. I think this is how dating in general is, but the online effect amplifies it. So long as enough desirable women value men whom go after what they want and pursue it vigorously, there will always be a slew of overlooked gentlemen that are genuinely good and have their sh1t together, but that just aren't perceived as "hot" simply because they have little standapart social value.


I dont know... I often actually send the first email, I have no issue asking them out either... I dont respond to any guy who winks, tells me im hot, or anything like that... I actually will often give guys a shot who im physically "out of their league" and as long as I have had a base attraction I can work with it... the two ive had real feelings for since D were not the most attractive guys in the world, lol they still turned out to be a$$holes though in the end...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

Women on dating sites get like 100+ emails a day apparently, so have no time to browse, where as men end up having to play the numbers game as everyone else is doing the same! lol

Also when I was on those sites I found a woman emailing me first rather freaky  maybe because as I assume the above phenomenon to be true; I also assume the lady must be desperate! (No offense! Just my impression!)

But anyways... meh, meetup.com is as online as I go, otherwise I get dates from random encounters, if I like what I see I go for it! I only started doing this recently though, with better results then anticipated - hence recommended!


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Women on dating sites get like 100+ emails a day apparently, so have no time to browse, where as men end up having to play the numbers game as everyone else is doing the same! lol
> 
> Also when I was on those sites I found a woman emailing me first rather freaky  maybe because as I assume the above phenomenon to be true; I also assume the lady must be desperate! (No offense! Just my impression!)
> 
> But anyways... meh, meetup.com is as online as I go, otherwise I get dates from random encounters, if I like what I see I go for it! I only started doing this recently though, with better results then anticipated - hence recommended!


I do get the million emails a day but I still browse, I have my critera and start my filter by that... I do pretty well with responses when I email, usually get 2 out of 3 responding...

And Random you know im not desperate. . 4 dates lined up 2 weeks ago, 2 dates last week, and 3 dates this week... yea and these arent bottom of the barrel guys either... I reject most
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

How do you find the time to browse + respond to the gazillion emails? =O

And I know you're not desperate - I'm just saying that it would still be my first impression - due to the above phenomena! Just saying! I never responded to women who emailed me first, my loss I guess!


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> How do you find the time to browse + respond to the gazillion emails? =O
> 
> And I know you're not desperate - I'm just saying that it would still be my first impression - due to the above phenomena! Just saying! I never responded to women who emailed me first, my loss I guess!


Lol cause I dont respond to 95% of the emails sent to me... leaves time for browsing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I see... of course! 

Hence the numbers game... must be why online dating never really worked out for me, as I only showed interest to 1-2 profiles a week, when I should have been playing the numbers game spamming 100 women a week in the off chance that a few of them will actually manage to read my email/profile lol

Meh... not my style! Offline all the way!


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wow. That's very inconsiderate. Maybe it never occurred to her because $20 here and $20 there doesn't mean much to her due to her financial status.
> 
> But I'm super careful/paranoid that I don't come across as a gold digger, that I would never ask to go into all of the places. Sure I'd let the guy buy coffee and a muffin and then lunch but at some point I would limit what I wanted him to spend. Or maybe since that was MY stomping grounds, I'd treat the guy to one of my favorite attractions.
> 
> I hope she was just oblivious vs. rude and/or princess-y.



Yeah it was a funny thing. But nah def' no princess , just a gorgeous type of really down to earth person . She was the one that came down to my place the wk before to check out my old shed with all the old stuff in it.
Well that day later we were inside talking and having some lunch and she just automatically went and made coffees and toasted sandwiches and stuff - and then she cleaned up afterwards . That was all really funny to, l'm thinking hmm , l could get use to this . lt was really cute the way she just automatically slipped into a sorta wifey mode, really looked after me l tell ya .
l sorta got the impression it was more just some old fashion thing with her , like opening doors and stuff .


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> Maybe it is just people in general who fall into that trap.
> 
> Online dating gives you a smorgasbord of options to choose from.
> 
> ....a lot of people seem to have trouble stepping away from the buffet and just savoring what they have.


Yeah l must admit , mine was looking like a bit of a smorgasbord .
At any one time there was about 5 or 6 or so at once in the sorta person that would suit me . They just kept on joining and popping up.
lt sorta had you feeling like well whatever , subconsciously really who cares. lf ones a flop just meet the next one .
Maybe that was just a run though l'm not sure. Because the last time l was on there was nothing to choose from at all.

It's the weirdest thing though . like you can sit on your ass at home , have zero social life like me , yet be tramping it up all over the place with new women. lt's a very strange existence .


----------



## 06Daddio08

A pretty blah Monday has turned into a decent week so far. I signed up for a 3 day course (outside the plant) for grievance / leadership and I'm really enjoying it. It's me, a course teacher and 20 strangers from all different types of work (but within the same union). Forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone, it's funny how much it reminds me of high school and such. I was so frightened to speak in front of class or present something, now I'm diving in whenever I get the chance.

They supply lunch, something delivery and I'm the only one who brought his own lunch. Of course it's full of all the usual things I eat and I get comments. They're being civil and just ribbing, it's all in good fun.

Had set up a 1st date for tonight, I cancelled it and instead decided to pursue another 1st date on Friday evening. I've been texting back and forth for a couple days, really like how she responds and her personality (even if it's only through text).

I'm actually hoping there is a connection in person, which hasn't really happened in all of my online dating experience.

Yesterday at the gym I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while, he said I'm really starting to get trimmed up. Feelin good!


----------



## RandomDude

> I'm actually hoping there is a connection in person, which hasn't really happened in all of my online dating experience.


Ah yes... the 'connection'


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> A lot of it has to do with the instant gratification the online experience portrays. People think that just cause they have a profile on the massive online dating market that you will instantly find the "one".
> That is not true, it is just as hard if not harder
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah exactly . And that is the first in your face impression l first got when l joined .
> You could feel it and read it all through profiles everywhere.
> 
> But nope it ain't that easy at all.
> l've been very lucky though l must admit. l've met some great girls and l could've easily made a very nice gf with 2 or 3 of them so far . l'm just the sorta person though that if l bother at all l need it real, l can't do fill ins.
> 
> When l met 32 though , in real life , just in the natural out doorsy - out in the real world way , it reminded me right then of just how bizarre the online stuff is. Well to me anyway.
> You see someone out somewhere, in the flesh and you know in that split second things that take you weeks on a dating site.
> That stuff really struck me me big when l met her.
> And within minutes we're having coffee , messing round with her dog she had with her. Just sitting out in the real world , very very attracted to her her and just talking away .
> Following my first 6wks on a dating site and all the second guessing you go through , this was just sooooo nice.
> Must admit , l'd take the old fashion way any day - if only l had a life and ways of getting out there better :rofl:
> 
> But then so on the upside of dating sites , at least you can be getting out there . You can make a start even if you don't have many friends or parties on offer 3nights a wk.
> So in that way they are really good l think . Although it's probably a lot healthier and more realistic to actually work on getting out selves a real life out in the real world instead. But eh , that is a hell of a lot easier said than done so you know .


----------



## RandomDude

> Must admit , l'd take the old fashion way any day - if only l had a life and ways of getting out there better


:scratchhead:

You're single so I guess you must do shopping? How about laundry? 

You don't really have to 'be out there' during your standard 'nights out' to find yourself a hottie, you should see them everyday. As soon as you see what you like then go for it cause otherwise it's just an opportunity lost.

Not that you'll find the "one" so easily either, but, sometimes I don't know why people don't use this approach more often. Also there's meetup.com!


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Ah yes... the 'connection'


I have enough self awareness to know that I am much more comfortable relating through text / e-mail than I am in person. Something I've been working on and it's why I try to reduce the amount of personal information shared (history / stories) through the written communication.

I mean, I can articulate myself to the moon when it comes to writing. Not always when it comes to being in person, I'm a lot more reserved and enjoy to observe mostly.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> You're single so I guess you must do shopping? How about laundry?
> 
> You don't really have to 'be out there' during your standard 'nights out' to find yourself a hottie, you should see them everyday. As soon as you see what you like then go for it cause otherwise it's just an opportunity lost.
> 
> Not that you'll find the "one" so easily either, but, sometimes I don't know why people don't use this approach more often. Also there's meetup.com!



Yep true enough rd. Don't worry , l do all that stuff and all in our best areas too, it is really really nice.
l met 32 while l was having coffee waiting for my car.
We were talking about all that stuff here a few mths back , you might've had your hands full elsewhere at the time :rofl:

Like 32 just happened but as a rule l usually wouldn't feel that confident in just walking up to someone as such , or trying to strike something up as your shopping or something unless it just happens,
But eh , l could manage it but really l haven't really come across anyone l'd actually bother with yet tbh.
like lots of hotties but no one l could just say to myself point blank , she really hits the spot.
Or she walks out to a waiting hubby or something . Pays to have a little watch first doesn't it :scratchhead:

Funny , mates and l use to go out clubbing all the time , never really met anyone worthwhile , strange that.

What l do love is parties . We use to party it up a lot , heaps of new people, girls everywhere, fun, they were the days :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

I had a great day today! Super busy at work, loved it!!
Rushed from work to my ic, learned quite a bit about myself. Some of it I didn't like, but I am at peace.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yep true enough rd. Don't worry , l do all that stuff and all in our best areas too, it is really really nice.
> l met 32 while l was having coffee waiting for my car.
> We were talking about all that stuff here a few mths back , you might've had your hands full elsewhere at the time :rofl:
> 
> Like 32 just happened but as a rule l usually wouldn't feel that confident in just walking up to someone as such , or trying to strike something up as your shopping or something unless it just happens,
> But eh , l could manage it but really l haven't really come across anyone l'd actually bother with yet tbh.
> like lots of hotties but no one l could just say to myself point blank , she really hits the spot.
> Or she walks out to a waiting hubby or something . Pays to have a little watch first doesn't it :scratchhead:
> 
> Funny , mates and l use to go out clubbing all the time , never really met anyone worthwhile , strange that.
> 
> What l do love is parties . We use to party it up a lot , heaps of new people, girls everywhere, fun, they were the days :smthumbup:


Aye, it's best when it feels, keyword: natural

Like fate, destiny/whatever, ladies also seem to buy alot of that stuff (  ). Also why my approach avoids awkwardness - I give a reason (excuse) to talk to her, either mistaking her for someone else or hotspotting (observation/icebreaking) to strike up an innocent conversation.

It's pretty much the whole 'bumping into you' thing but without all the spilled coffee/books/cliche stuff  It also uses the same techniques I learnt years ago in sales. You have to structure your approach but make it natural and time your close.

Besides I was getting credit card numbers in a matter of minutes so no difference getting ladies' numbers haha! But yeah, clubs/pubs suck unless you want a drunken ONS from time to time. Parties ARE the best - I agree!


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> This is EXACTLY what I have said about the dating sites! Because of this, they turn nice men into skeevy womanizing a$$holes.



Guys , you know what l find works incredibly , just be yourself.
At first l read all this online advice, l tried it , it was fkg bs and just wasn't me.
l thought fk this if these girls think they're such an in demand princess here in lala land then l'm not interested anyway.
So , l just went back to me.
l just say something like hi , loved your page, say hello if you'd like.
That's it , or somem like that. 
l'm not wasting time trying to impress someone when l know nothing about them .
And you know what l get say 3 out of 4 write back .
They know l'm not trying to be anything , l just liked them so l'm saying hello and it works just fine .
And if we do start talking l'm just myself, l can see most of them haven't even read my page properly anyway .
l'm sorta lucky though in my area to because it's a sorta no mess or pretence about ruralish type thing and they seem to appreciate the no bs approach .


----------



## whitehawk

l've noticed to the chicks the email me first and there's been a fair few of them , they do the same anyway.
Some have even just written some little joke line, took me awhile to figure out that was actually a saying hi - wanna say hello to me.
But most just say somem like hi , l loved your profile , that's it .
Some haven't even said that but just - wanna chat ?

l'm cool with this stuff . To me if you approach someone or they do you , then yep you like her or she does you obviously so just take it from there. 
Well that's worked on my site anyway and l actually need a rest so there ya go.

ps . Actually l was in this other site before this one for a few wks though and in that one no one replied , cept 1 . l emailed quite a few to , couldn't even get a look in. 
So they do seem to vary a lot and the type of peope each one seems to attract seems to vary a lot to .
l'd say if your copping a kicking in one then give it the boot and try something new , you might be pleasantly surprised and fit into that crowd much better .


----------



## familyfirst09

Hi all: been offline a few days after being severely "bruised" by the last guy I was seeing. Omg what a socipath he turned out to be..and he's still stalking me, ugh. 

Anyway...been reading all your posts about online dating and am thinking of trying it out...scary thought!!

What are some of the better sites? Are the free ones the same as the ones you pay for? I'm also in Canada so there may be some in the states that we don't have. I think I will do some research tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Family first, are you ok? Was the bruising literal? 

I have had a different experience on the online sites. I did join one but was hesitant. I didn't put it all out there, and I only put up three pictures. I definitely did not have an all in approach. I also think I undersold myself. But, whatever I did, I would do it again.

My thought process was 1) pay for a site, hopefully to weed out some of the jokers 2) filter a lot - I used education, politics, travel oriented, kids, age, tight geographic range (ie within 10 miles) 3) respond to those who were interesting but don't spend a lot of time texting etc. A couple of emails and then, a meeting over drinks or coffee was it. 

I am really happy with the results. I didn't get millions of contacts but the ones I chose to pursue all ended up in really fun dates. The vast majority were friendzoned but I do not regret meeting any of them. I have no horror stories. Maybe it's different for the late 40s, early 50s crowd? 

So, count me a fan.  I am working on month 4 with one and we are continuing to have a blast. We are both off of the sites. I have no doubt that he is one of the good ones.


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Hi all: been offline a few days after being severely "bruised" by the last guy I was seeing. Omg what a socipath he turned out to be..and he's still stalking me, ugh.


Yikes! That's not cool. Make sure you are being careful and call the authorities if you need to.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> I have enough self awareness to know that I am much more comfortable relating through text / e-mail than I am in person.


Gotta love the 21st century.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Gotta love the 21st century.


Yeah, but it is really dangerous. It is far too easy to let yourself get insulated by the technology and ultimately, isolated.

Call me old fashioned, but I think this is a scary slope we are on...


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l know a lot of people here don't like too much texting but l reckon it's great stuff , Nice easy hassle free way of weeding out the old garden to l find and often saves you early on going to too much trouble.


----------



## Jellybeans

I text way more than I talk on the phone. 

In fact I've never been a big phone talker.

Just a sign of the times.

I still think though that two people should meet in real life and see if there is a connection. cause you can text and type your fingers off but that is just a medium. In person is the real thing.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l know a lot of people here don't like too much texting but l reckon it's great stuff , Nice easy hassle free way of weeding out the old garden to l find and often saves you early on going to too much trouble.


I love texting! Once I know the guy. Love it. 

My text usage has gone from about 150/month to over 2000/month. Who knew it could be so fun?! But I also think it is far too easy to misinterpret things, so for me, it is an excellent tool to just touch base in an intimate way sporadically throughout the day and in the morning and before bed and...

:lol:
Oh god, i sound like a besotted nut!!


And jelly, I hate the phone. Just hate it.


----------



## moxy

I text more than I talk on the phone, but I prefer the phone calls when I have time. Being with someone in person is the best, except that things tends to turn to sex too quickly in person, whereas talking on the phone seems to build intimacy beyond the sexual.

familyfirst, I'm assuming that the bruising was emotional, given your use of quotation marks around the word. What happened? Why do you say the guy was a sociopath? Were there any red flags? Are you okay?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> I have enough self awareness to know that I am much more comfortable relating through text / e-mail than I am in person. Something I've been working on and it's why I try to reduce the amount of personal information shared (history / stories) through the written communication.
> 
> I mean, I can articulate myself to the moon when it comes to writing. Not always when it comes to being in person, I'm a lot more reserved and enjoy to observe mostly.


Me too! :iagree:


----------



## whitehawk

l get very nervous when it's time to meet.
l just know it can be an oh no , the second you lay eyes on each other and l really hate that feeling.
lt's one thing l really dislike about any online stuff.

And if it is an oh no , my heads going oh God , that's who l've been talking to. And then l just start worrying about how lm gonna get outa there .
One reason l refuse to go anything sex until l know exactly who l'm talking to.

And if it isn't an oh no it does still feel very weird to have met that way . l don't think when nature first dished us up with all our natural senses for this stuff , it foresaw the internet coming haha.


----------



## ne9907

I too prefer to text, but if I am really into someone, I like to talk (on phone) with them.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l get very nervous when it's time to meet.
> l just know it can be an oh no , the second you lay eyes on each other and l really hate that feeling


Better to figure that out sooner than later.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> l get very nervous when it's time to meet.
> *l just know it can be an oh no , the second you lay eyes on each other and l really hate that feeling.*
> lt's one thing l really dislike about any online stuff.
> 
> And if it is an oh no , my heads going oh God , that's who l've been talking to. And then l just start worrying about how lm gonna get outa there .
> One reason l refuse to go anything sex until l know exactly who l'm talking to.
> 
> And if it isn't an oh no it does still feel very weird to have met that way . l don't think when nature first dished us up with all our natural senses for this stuff , it foresaw the internet coming haha.


Yep, this. I am tired of being disappointed.


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> Family first, are you ok? Was the bruising literal?
> 
> I have had a different experience on the online sites. I did join one but was hesitant. I didn't put it all out there, and I only put up three pictures. I definitely did not have an all in approach. I also think I undersold myself. But, whatever I did, I would do it again.
> 
> My thought process was 1) pay for a site, hopefully to weed out some of the jokers 2) filter a lot - I used education, politics, travel oriented, kids, age, tight geographic range (ie within 10 miles) 3) respond to those who were interesting but don't spend a lot of time texting etc. A couple of emails and then, a meeting over drinks or coffee was it.
> 
> I am really happy with the results. I didn't get millions of contacts but the ones I chose to pursue all ended up in really fun dates. The vast majority were friendzoned but I do not regret meeting any of them. I have no horror stories. Maybe it's different for the late 40s, early 50s crowd?
> 
> So, count me a fan.  I am working on month 4 with one and we are continuing to have a blast. We are both off of the sites. I have no doubt that he is one of the good ones.


No no, sorry, nothing physical, hence putting "bruised" in quotes. He just turned out to be "that" guy who just belittles you so much it started to affect me. And yes I said GFY. Just very depressing cause he seemed so genuine and sweet - we made out in the rain, he was always really nice and kind...and then I don't know he "changed"...

he started getting mean - even told me once when we were skype to turn the camera off because I looked like sh*t and then made a nasty comment about my hair (my hair is "my thing" and he knows it). Hes just a bully and obviously has issues of his own to treat someone that way. He stood me up and humiliated me in front of my friends. So anyway, that jackass is gone!! And the experience definitely help me learn some more of the "red flags" that I don't know that much about yet since I am really still new to the dating world.

Your story about online dating sounds great! Very hopeful, I like that alot. What are some recommended sites? Around here, we have tinder (which I found out guy above was on while we were dating), POF (free), Match.com (pay), Lavalife (pay), and e-Harmony (pay). I don't mind paying as long as its not alot but if its all the same people on all sites, does it make a difference??


----------



## 3Xnocharm

familyfirst09 said:


> No no, sorry, nothing physical, hence putting "bruised" in quotes. He just turned out to be "that" guy who just belittles you so much it started to affect me. And yes I said GFY. Just very depressing cause he seemed so genuine and sweet - we made out in the rain, he was always really nice and kind...and then I don't know he "changed"...
> 
> he started getting mean - even told me once when we were skype to turn the camera off because I looked like sh*t and then made a nasty comment about my hair (my hair is "my thing" and he knows it). Hes just a bully and obviously has issues of his own to treat someone that way. He stood me up and humiliated me in front of my friends. So anyway, that jackass is gone!! And the experience definitely help me learn some more of the "red flags" that I don't know that much about yet since I am really still new to the dating world.




I'm so sorry!


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah it was a funny thing. But nah def' no princess , just a gorgeous type of really down to earth person . She was the one that came down to my place the wk before to check out my old shed with all the old stuff in it.
> Well that day later we were inside talking and having some lunch and she just automatically went and made coffees and toasted sandwiches and stuff - and then she cleaned up afterwards . That was all really funny to, l'm thinking hmm , l could get use to this . lt was really cute the way she just automatically slipped into a sorta wifey mode, really looked after me l tell ya .
> l sorta got the impression it was more just some old fashion thing with her , like opening doors and stuff .


:smthumbup:
Not trying to sound sexist or anything but that would turn my interest on hard core, not a lot of those type around anymore.
Taking care of your man has become such a stigma now.


----------



## familyfirst09

Thanks 3X. Its okay now. I've cried in my cornflakes long enough and now back on the wagon. 

AP - I think you are correct. I am definitely one of those woman who like to "take care". I think it's just the way I was raised. Altho I do find cooking together rather sexy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Yeah, but it is really dangerous. It is far too easy to let yourself get insulated by the technology and ultimately, isolated.
> 
> Call me old fashioned, but I think this is a scary slope we are on...


That is just a perception, look at it from a different view. With good boundaries it is all just another form of communication. Know what you want and stand up for it and you will be just fine no matter how you do life.


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## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I too prefer to text, but if I am really into someone, I like to talk (on phone) with them.


I text, call, message, FB, vid chat, email...etc LOL
Again they are all just forms of communicating. If you are true to yourself all the time then no matter how you interact with someone it is genuine and you won't be isolating yourself.
You have to be open and honest for anyone to actually know you so they can be who they need to be when interacting with you.


----------



## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> Thanks 3X. Its okay now. I've cried in my cornflakes long enough and now back on the wagon.
> 
> AP - I think you are correct. I am definitely one of those woman who like to "take care". I think it's just the way I was raised. Altho I do find cooking together rather sexy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love cooking with someone, I need a cooking buddy! GF doesn't really like to cook much but she cleans with OCD precision.


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## 06Daddio08

Facebook is one I don't do. Not unless the relationship becomes something.


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## Ikaika

familyfirst09 said:


> No no, sorry, nothing physical, hence putting "bruised" in quotes. He just turned out to be "that" guy who just belittles you so much it started to affect me. And yes I said GFY. Just very depressing cause he seemed so genuine and sweet - we made out in the rain, he was always really nice and kind...and then I don't know he "changed"...
> 
> 
> 
> he started getting mean - even told me once when we were skype to turn the camera off because I looked like sh*t and then made a nasty comment about my hair (my hair is "my thing" and he knows it). Hes just a bully and obviously has issues of his own to treat someone that way. He stood me up and humiliated me in front of my friends. So anyway, that jackass is gone!! And the experience definitely help me learn some more of the "red flags" that I don't know that much about yet since I am really still new to the dating world.



Sorry excuse for a man. And sorry to hear FF09.


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## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> He just turned out to be "that" guy who just belittles you so much it started to affect me.
> 
> he started getting mean - even told me once when we were skype to turn the camera off because I looked like sh*t and then made a nasty comment about my hair (my hair is "my thing" and he knows it). Hes just a bully and obviously has issues of his own to treat someone that way. He stood me up and humiliated me in front of my friends.


 What a total jerk! So glad you cut him off. He sounds AWFUL!


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## Another Planet

familyfirst09 said:


> No no, sorry, nothing physical, hence putting "bruised" in quotes. He just turned out to be "that" guy who just belittles you so much it started to affect me. And yes I said GFY. Just very depressing cause he seemed so genuine and sweet - we made out in the rain, he was always really nice and kind...and then I don't know he "changed"...
> 
> he started getting mean - even told me once when we were skype to turn the camera off because I looked like sh*t and then made a nasty comment about my hair (my hair is "my thing" and he knows it). Hes just a bully and obviously has issues of his own to treat someone that way. He stood me up and humiliated me in front of my friends. So anyway, that jackass is gone!! And the experience definitely help me learn some more of the "red flags" that I don't know that much about yet since I am really still new to the dating world.


Gezuus how did I read over this and not realize what you were saying! 
Never ever put up with abuse! Ever! And if you ever have the slightest inclination that you are being abused but are not sure come here and ask us...
You don't ever need anyone enough to "put up" with being treated badly.


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## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> :smthumbup:
> Not trying to sound sexist or anything but that would turn my interest on hard core, not a lot of those type around anymore.
> Taking care of your man has become such a stigma now.


I am waaaayyy too self conscious to go and help myself to someone else's kitchen like that!


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## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> l get very nervous when it's time to meet.
> l just know it can be an oh no , the second you lay eyes on each other and l really hate that feeling.
> lt's one thing l really dislike about any online stuff.
> 
> And if it is an oh no , my heads going oh God , that's who l've been talking to. And then l just start worrying about how lm gonna get outa there .
> One reason l refuse to go anything sex until l know exactly who l'm talking to.
> 
> And if it isn't an oh no it does still feel very weird to have met that way . l don't think when nature first dished us up with all our natural senses for this stuff , it foresaw the internet coming haha.


I prefer meeting early so that I don't waste time texting with someone that I won't end up being interested in. It can be nerve-racking, but I also think it is fun. I do agree with you on the sex talk/play without knowing who is on the other side.


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## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> No no, sorry, nothing physical, hence putting "bruised" in quotes. He just turned out to be "that" guy who just belittles you so much it started to affect me. And yes I said GFY. Just very depressing cause he seemed so genuine and sweet - we made out in the rain, he was always really nice and kind...and then I don't know he "changed"...
> 
> he started getting mean - even told me once when we were skype to turn the camera off because I looked like sh*t and then made a nasty comment about my hair (my hair is "my thing" and he knows it). Hes just a bully and obviously has issues of his own to treat someone that way. He stood me up and humiliated me in front of my friends. So anyway, that jackass is gone!! And the experience definitely help me learn some more of the "red flags" that I don't know that much about yet since I am really still new to the dating world.
> 
> Your story about online dating sounds great! Very hopeful, I like that alot. What are some recommended sites? Around here, we have tinder (which I found out guy above was on while we were dating), POF (free), Match.com (pay), Lavalife (pay), and e-Harmony (pay). I don't mind paying as long as its not alot but if its all the same people on all sites, does it make a difference??


OMg I am so sorry 

Some jerks! I have always gave people the benefit of the doubt, maybe they dont mean what they say, but not any longer. THey mean what they say, they mean to hurt, they mean to belittle.
You do not need anyone in your life who makes you feel inferior or bad about yourself.


Speaking of that, I found out that I am really not as saintly as I tought I was. I am okay with it. I say **** some people.


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## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> That is just a perception, look at it from a different view. With good boundaries it is all just another form of communication. Know what you want and stand up for it and you will be just fine no matter how you do life.


The thing is that too many people can't turn it off. I am savvy with it. I feel the tug of sites like this and communicating behind the safety and anonymity of the keyboard, but it is not real. Sure, it can turn into real friendships but generally, it is not real. It is not a substitute for RL interactions. Some people forget that.


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## familyfirst09

Thanks all, I definitely don't blame myself for his behaviour but sure did bring me down. 

I will definitely be coming here for some advice on the ins and out of online dating!! I am sure I will have a ton of questions!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy

Fenix said:


> The thing is that too many people can't turn it off. I am savvy with it. I feel the tug of sites like this and communicating behind the safety and anonymity of the keyboard, but it is not real. Sure, it can turn into real friendships but generally, it is not real. It is not a substitute for RL interactions. Some people forget that.


It's like virtual Breakfast Club! I mean how many people on a forum like this would have found each other AND been even casual friends if it weren't for constructs like this?


_Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed._


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## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> It's like virtual Breakfast Club! I mean how many people on a forum like this would have found each other AND been even casual friends if it weren't for constructs like this?
> 
> 
> _Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed._



Great movie. That was MY generation.


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## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> Great movie. That was MY generation.


Me too! I swear I went to see that a dozen times! Back when it was in the theaters and everything!

By the way--did you bring this crappy weather here with you or what?? I can't help but notice some rather suspicious timing between your arrival and a rather inconvenient spring snowstorm....


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## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> The thing is that too many people can't turn it off. I am savvy with it. I feel the tug of sites like this and communicating behind the safety and anonymity of the keyboard, but it is not real. Sure, it can turn into real friendships but generally, it is not real. It is not a substitute for RL interactions. Some people forget that.


It is real to me, and I bet you if you thought about it hard enough it might even be real to you too. Saying it is not real is like you are trying to say you have nothing vested in any of these interactions. You have a place here just like the rest of us regulars.
Honestly why would you want to apply your time here if you didn't have a connection of some form(which means this is real). Just like anything else in life you wouldn't do it if you really didn't want to 
Appreciate it for what it is and don't let it be a crutch or addiction. Let it be positive for you.


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Me too! I swear I went to see that a dozen times! Back when it was in the theaters and everything!
> 
> By the way--did you bring this crappy weather here with you or what?? I can't help but notice some rather suspicious timing between your arrival and a rather inconvenient spring snowstorm....


This is great weather! I'm loving it. It was 100 in Phoenix when I left last week.


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## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Great movie. That was MY generation.


Mine too, but its one of my kid's favorite movies ever! :smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

When I was married, I was if the mindset that I had to make it work at any cost. I wanted things to work with my exh, even at the expense of my happiness in the moment, because I believed that it would ultimately make me happy.

Dating isn't like that. The goals and objectives are not the same. It's a series of sprints or a relay race or a scavenger hunt or a stretch or even a cartwheel on the beach, but it's not a marathon. Unfortunately, my mindset hasn't shifted enough. So, when things don't last with an FWB (for reasons as simple as he's moving away now and it was not a forever thing anyway, not because we weren't having fun), or when things like my last non-date go wrong, my instinct isn't to walk away but to repair. I want to spend once really nice evening with my FWB as a way to honor what was special (he was my rebound after my exh, first man in three years that I consorted with) and say goodbye. That's not so bad. But, with my date that imploded over text before it happened, it's different. He reminds me of my ex; my lust is out of control with him and my emotions are skittish and volatile. So, my instinct is pushing me toward damage control. He texted me again, said he really wanted me, etc. There was longing in his words, some attempt at concession, but it didn't really resolve itself; I told him he was being too aggressive and inflexible and not taking my feelings into account and asked him to address it, but he claimed that he just has an alpha sort if personality and that he didn't want me to feel anxious or nervous, that things would be fine if I have him a chance. I noticed, though, that he was still pressing for me to go to his place, rather than offering to meet me somewhere. I don't see any possibility of long term potential given this power struggle (obviously), but I find that I still wanna bang the guy; this is very perplexing to me! I did not give in to his request; he asked if we could still talk about it and revisit things later and I said okay. Is it just that I want so badly to be desired? Is it that I'm still in "don't upset the apple cart" mode? Is it that I haven't learned how to switch gears between marriage mind and dating mind?

Somehow, I need to understand that dating is not about settling down but about exploring options; I just don't know how to switch mental gears yet....


----------



## moxy

Oh, and I find TAM deeply valuable. It is very much a part of my real life. I can't imagine the mess I would have been if I hadn't stumbled onto it while trying to figure out how to navigate a suspicion of betrayal more than three years ago. Has it been that long? I think so.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> When I was married, I was if the mindset that I had to make it work at any cost. I wanted things to work with my exh, even at the expense of my happiness in the moment, because I believed that it would ultimately make me happy.
> 
> Dating isn't like that. The goals and objectives are not the same. It's a series of sprints or a relay race or a scavenger hunt or a stretch or even a cartwheel on the beach, but it's not a marathon. Unfortunately, my mindset hasn't shifted enough. So, when things don't last with an FWB (for reasons as simple as he's moving away now and it was not a forever thing anyway, not because we weren't having fun), or when things like my last non-date go wrong, my instinct isn't to walk away but to repair. I want to spend once really nice evening with my FWB as a way to honor what was special (he was my rebound after my exh, first man in three years that I consorted with) and say goodbye. That's not so bad. But, with my date that imploded over text before it happened, it's different. He reminds me of my ex; my lust is out of control with him and my emotions are skittish and volatile. So, my instinct is pushing me toward damage control. He texted me again, said he really wanted me, etc. There was longing in his words, some attempt at concession, but it didn't really resolve itself; I told him he was being too aggressive and inflexible and not taking my feelings into account and asked him to address it, but he claimed that he just has an alpha sort if personality and that he didn't want me to feel anxious or nervous, that things would be fine if I have him a chance. I noticed, though, that he was still pressing for me to go to his place, rather than offering to meet me somewhere. I don't see any possibility of long term potential given this power struggle (obviously), but I find that I still wanna bang the guy; this is very perplexing to me! I did not give in to his request; he asked if we could still talk about it and revisit things later and I said okay. Is it just that I want so badly to be desired?* Is it that I'm still in "don't upset the apple cart" mode? Is it that I haven't learned how to switch gears between marriage mind and dating mind?
> *
> Somehow, I need to understand that dating is not about settling down but about exploring options; I just don't know how to switch mental gears yet....


YES. This man is NOT someone that you need to have in your life....PERIOD. You need to tell him to get lost for good. He is extremely manipulative, and with you still having a this kind of tendency to not rock the boat, you may likely end up in a very bad situation. 

Its good that you are examining your actions and your thoughts about all of this. Getting rid of this man is a good start.


----------



## COGypsy

moxy said:


> When I was married, I was if the mindset that I had to make it work at any cost. I wanted things to work with my exh, even at the expense of my happiness in the moment, because I believed that it would ultimately make me happy.
> 
> Dating isn't like that. The goals and objectives are not the same. It's a series of sprints or a relay race or a scavenger hunt or a stretch or even a cartwheel on the beach, but it's not a marathon. Unfortunately, my mindset hasn't shifted enough. So, when things don't last with an FWB (for reasons as simple as he's moving away now and it was not a forever thing anyway, not because we weren't having fun), or when things like my last non-date go wrong, my instinct isn't to walk away but to repair. I want to spend once really nice evening with my FWB as a way to honor what was special (he was my rebound after my exh, first man in three years that I consorted with) and say goodbye. That's not so bad. But, with my date that imploded over text before it happened, it's different. He reminds me of my ex; my lust is out of control with him and my emotions are skittish and volatile. So, my instinct is pushing me toward damage control. He texted me again, said he really wanted me, etc. There was longing in his words, some attempt at concession, but it didn't really resolve itself; I told him he was being too aggressive and inflexible and not taking my feelings into account and asked him to address it, but he claimed that he just has an alpha sort if personality and that he didn't want me to feel anxious or nervous, that things would be fine if I have him a chance. I noticed, though, that he was still pressing for me to go to his place, rather than offering to meet me somewhere. I don't see any possibility of long term potential given this power struggle (obviously), but I find that I still wanna bang the guy; this is very perplexing to me! I did not give in to his request; he asked if we could still talk about it and revisit things later and I said okay. Is it just that I want so badly to be desired? Is it that I'm still in "don't upset the apple cart" mode? Is it that I haven't learned how to switch gears between marriage mind and dating mind?
> 
> Somehow, I need to understand that dating is not about settling down but about exploring options; I just don't know how to switch mental gears yet....


I don't think its unusual at all that you're still responding to this guy. You said he reminds you of your ex. Well, you've said that you're still in love with your ex, right? So this guy is exactly what you're primed to respond to. And you're primed both in a sense of base-level attraction as well as in the habit of responding to this type of person via your marriage.

Dating is indeed a very different mindset. I am always floored when people talk about "working things out" when they're talking about someone they've been dating for less than a year or two. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dating is like shopping for jeans. You have to try on a lot of pairs of jeans before you find the ones that look good on you. And when you find a good pair, you get one and see how they wash up, if they fade. Then after a bit you go buy every damn pair they have on the shelf, but that's after you've broken the pair you have in a good bit.

One thing I would definitely advise though: don't meet this guy again. It sounds like he has no problem disrespecting your feelings and boundaries and like you would have no problem sliding back into the habits you developed with your ex and letting this guy ride roughshod all over you (heh, heh...take that last bit however you like  ). I think he's pretty much the opposite of fun and healthy for you....I'm actually a bit worried about you being with him, frankly.


----------



## Another Planet

Moxy if a man tells you he is Alpha he is not Alpha he is a dyck head! lol

Are these his exact words?..."he didn't want me to feel anxious or nervous, that things would be fine if I have him a chance"...

If he is being pushy even after you told him you aren't comfortable I would have to say you should move on. And just because someone wants you does not mean you need to want them.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

COGypsy said:


> I think he's pretty much the opposite of fun and healthy for you....I'm actually a bit worried about you being with him, frankly.


Good, its NOT JUST ME!


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> Moxy if a man tells you he is Alpha he is not Alpha he is a dyck head! lol
> 
> Are these his exact words?..."*he didn't want me to feel anxious or nervous, that things would be fine if I have him a chance*"...
> 
> If he is being pushy even after you told him you aren't comfortable I would have to say you should move on. And just because someone wants you does not mean you need to want them.


Yeah, that's like him saying "I don't want you to get wet in this storm, babe, so just try to run faster when you bring the car around, okay?"

Seriously. You owe this guy nothing. After an exchange like that, not even another text, frankly. I honestly think that if you went to his house, things would get out of control really quickly and that a hell of a lot more than your feelings would be hurt. I'm not sure it even sounds wise to meet him in public.


----------



## Another Planet

COGypsy said:


> Yeah, that's like him saying "I don't want you to get wet in this storm, babe, so just try to run faster when you bring the car around, okay?"
> 
> Seriously. You owe this guy nothing. After an exchange like that, not even another text, frankly. I honestly think that if you went to his house, things would get out of control really quickly and that a hell of a lot more than your feelings would be hurt. I'm not sure it even sounds wise to meet him in public.


Good point, not exactly what I meant but yes that is true too.

I meant he is trying to convince you to have sex with him Moxy.
You don't convince a woman to have sex with you, they have sex with you because they want to. You get their juices flowing because you are either a sexy beast and they want your bone or you are intellectually stimulating or you have lots of money and they want some or for what ever other reason they want to have sex with you but you don't convince a woman to have sex with you. That is what sleezeballs do.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> It is real to me, and I bet you if you thought about it hard enough it might even be real to you too. Saying it is not real is like you are trying to say you have nothing vested in any of these interactions. You have a place here just like the rest of us regulars.
> Honestly why would you want to apply your time here if you didn't have a connection of some form(which means this is real). Just like anything else in life you wouldn't do it if you really didn't want to
> Appreciate it for what it is and don't let it be a crutch or addiction. Let it be positive for you.


Oh, I am very aware of the dynamics of forums. I have been involved on a running forum since 2002 and have seen the deaths, the births etc. I have also met some of the members in RL and have developed IRL friendships with them. I understand the value of these interactions and the exposure to new ideas and constructive feedback. However, it is not a substitute for real life interaction, and some of us risk giving up time out in the world for time in front of a keyboard. There is a balance and I suspect that the balance is getting out of whack on a massive scale.


----------



## caladan

Another Planet said:


> Good point, not exactly what I meant but yes that is true too.
> 
> I meant he is trying to convince you to have sex with him Moxy.
> You don't convince a woman to have sex with you, they have sex with you because they want to. You get their juices flowing because you are either a sexy beast and they want your bone or you are intellectually stimulating or you have lots of money and they want some or for what ever other reason they want to have sex with you but you don't convince a woman to have sex with you. That is what sleezeballs do.


Woah. 

While I totally agree about Moxy's particular scenario, there's definitely something off there, I feel your conclusion is too much of a sweeping generalization.


----------



## bandit.45

We got another "why did she do sexual things with the OM that she refused to do with me " thread over at CWI. 

I'll never understand prudish, vanilla wives who become porn wh0res for their OMs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

bandit.45 said:


> We got another "why did she do sexual things with the OM that she refused to do with me " thread over at CWI.
> 
> I'll never understand prudish, vanilla wives who become porn wh0res for their OMs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because a lot of women put it on the man to be responsible for leading the marriage and setting the tone of the relationship. So for some of those wives, if their H did not push for monkey sex, like the AP likely is, he won't get it.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> We got another "why did she do sexual things with the OM that she refused to do with me " thread over at CWI.
> 
> I'll never understand prudish, vanilla wives who become porn wh0res for their OMs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? I think it is totally understandable. It is all part of the fantasy. She feels free and whatever she does is without consequences, she is caught up in the fog and is playing the role to the hilt.

Kind of sick and sad though.


----------



## caladan

There's also possibly a growth aspect to it. People grow older, become less inhibited. People get to know themselves better.


----------



## bandit.45

I think it's a combination of all those things. They feel they need to play the role of "good wife" with their husbands and refuse the kink in order to maintain equal footing in the marriage. They won't allow their husbands to dominate them in any way as that would be a sign of political capitulation on the relationship. With the OM no such rules apply. She can indeed allow her inner slvt to run wild, as she has nothing to lose with the OM. 

Such a stupid , wasteful mentality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## edgya1234

@bandit 
@caladan

Guys you forget something essential: in a relationship, when it comes to intimacy, the women have all the power


----------



## bandit.45

No I know that very well Edgya. Women are the gatekeepers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

edgya1234 said:


> @bandit
> @caladan
> 
> Guys you forget something essential: in a relationship, when it comes to intimacy, the women have all the power


Oh really? 



bandit.45 said:


> Women are the gatekeepers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And I'm the keymaster!


----------



## edgya1234

RandomDude said:


> Oh really?
> 
> 
> 
> And I'm the keymaster!


Right RD Keep hopping

On another note, more serious, a couple intimacy is not to be judged by general standard. If they like each other , are attracted to one another or they love each other. Maybe in each of those woman is an Ana who has not discover her sexuality, yet..


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Oh really?
> 
> 
> 
> And I'm the keymaster!



....or a tool.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

edgya1234 said:


> Right RD Keep hopping
> 
> On another note, more serious, a couple intimacy is not to be judged by general standard. If they like each other , are attracted to one another or they love each other. Maybe in each of those woman is an Ana who has not discover her sexuality, yet..


Yes but isn't marriage about opening yourself up to your spouse completely, in every way? Isn't it about going on the journey together? And
that means experimenting sexually together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

edgya1234 said:


> @bandit
> @caladan
> 
> Guys you forget something essential: in a relationship, when it comes to intimacy, the women have all the power


Noooo. 

How do you figure this out? Will she deny me sex/intimacy?

This are the benefits of post-marriage relationships and online dating (which some earlier found somewhat underwhelming) - if it doesn't suit me, I can keep walking. And yes, so can she.


----------



## edgya1234

caladan said:


> Noooo.
> 
> How do you figure this out? Will she deny me sex/intimacy?
> 
> This are the benefits of post-marriage relationships and online dating (which some earlier found somewhat underwhelming) - if it doesn't suit me, I can keep walking. And yes, so can she.



A woman does not need to deny you anything. She just has to get you hooked and this is it. 
I agree with you though, it goes both ways.


----------



## edgya1234

bandit.45 said:


> Yes but isn't marriage about opening yourself up to your spouse completely, in every way? Isn't it about going on the journey together? And
> that means experimenting sexually together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course B, totally agree with you. However what I saw here is that several couples suffer from what they say is a LD partner. 
So they might need to wait in some cases and see if they are compatible...


----------



## Shoto1984

So I just want to slip in a post as this is the first day that I am single after eleven years of marriage (1 yr of which was suffering through the divorce) There is still much clean up to do but I feel a thousand pounds lighter.


----------



## edgya1234

Shoto1984 said:


> So I just want to slip in a post as this is the first day that I am single after eleven years of marriage (1 yr of which was suffering through the divorce) There is still much clean up to do but I feel a thousand pounds lighter.



I am so sorry for what you went through but there is a saying that goes like this " Better alone than in bad company."
Things will keep getting better and better. Any change you can do in this way will help. This is "you" time Where you will get to focus on the most important person in your life: yourself.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Shoto1984 said:


> So I just want to slip in a post as this is the first day that I am single after eleven years of marriage (1 yr of which was suffering through the divorce) There is still much clean up to do but I feel a thousand pounds lighter.


Welcome to post divorce life Shoto


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> :smthumbup:
> Not trying to sound sexist or anything but that would turn my interest on hard core, not a lot of those type around anymore.
> Taking care of your man has become such a stigma now.


Yeah l agree full on . lt was gorgeous the way she just did that.
My ex was like that, we both just had our stuff . 
l think it's really cool looking after each other .


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> Yes but isn't marriage about opening yourself up to your spouse completely, in every way? Isn't it about going on the journey together? And
> 
> that means experimenting sexually together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah, I'm not sure that "Sexual Experimentation in the Marital Relationship" is one of the chapters in the Nice Girl/ Good Wife/ Supernanny Handbook most of us are given. 

I think sexual experimentation comes after we toss that manual and take on the world on out own terms. Not everyone does that though.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> I am waaaayyy too self conscious to go and help myself to someone else's kitchen like that!




Are ya , that's a shame. l thought it was so cool . And in the middle of that she says - have we got any music ? :smthumbup: Double cool . 
And , she could work my stereo straight off , no on can work my stereo straight off :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

Too bad. Sex should be the one area where husbands and wives get to "use" each other for gratification and fun without it being a sin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

You'd think, huh? I think there is a very real difference in the way guys are socialized and the way girls are. But if a woman spends her whole single life not "giving it up" so that she'll be virtuous enough to marry, it's a bit of a challenge to throw off the mantle of all that repression and suspicion and all of a sudden be a freak in the sheets.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Too bad. Sex should be the one area where husbands and wives get to "use" each other for gratification and fun without it being a sin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh man I couldn't agree with this more.

My ex was so reserved the lights were always off and this is prob too much TMI but I couldn't even "assist" the situation - he found it insulting as well as "wrong" 

I tell you what - the hot physical spark where I can totally feel at ease to express my desires is definitely a requirement for my next LTR..


----------



## bandit.45

You got a point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> You'd think, huh? I think there is a very real difference in the way guys are socialized and the way girls are. But if a woman spends her whole single life not "giving it up" so that she'll be virtuous enough to marry, it's a bit of a challenge to throw off the mantle of all that repression and suspicion and all of a sudden be a freak in the sheets.


This is spot on too.

I love sex. I have been a pervert my entire life as far back as I can remember. My friends all know about my openess with sex, but still, there is that stigma that I am just a big slvt. If I was a guy.....I wouldn't even be worried about it. It just feels like women can't publically think about sex as much as men do.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> No I know that very well Edgya. Women are the gatekeepers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So open the fkg gates baby :rofl::rofl:


----------



## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> This is spot on too.
> 
> I love sex. I have been a pervert my entire life as far back as I can remember. My friends all know about my openess with sex, but still, there is that stigma that I am just a big slvt. If I was a guy.....I wouldn't even be worried about it. It just feels like women can't publically think about sex as much as men do.



Exactly! And if when we're single, X Y or Z makes us a slvt, why would we do those things with our husband who we want to think only the best things of us?


----------



## Lon

Well just packed the last of my stuff from the house, new owners take possession tomorrow. This is a little more emotional than I thought, but not sadness. My son is with me here now but not really showing anything one way or the other.


----------



## coffee4me

Me and the kids took video on our phones - a last walk through of the house with the odd story mixed in. Was very sad.


----------



## jpr

Oh. Wow, Lon.

I can only imagine the mix of emotions.


My thoughts are with you. 


....to new beginnings and exciting adventures.


----------



## RandomDude

edgya1234 said:


> Right RD Keep hopping
> 
> On another note, more serious, a couple intimacy is not to be judged by general standard. If they like each other , are attracted to one another or they love each other. Maybe in each of those woman is an Ana who has not discover her sexuality, yet..


Lol

Well I was kidding sure, but on a semi-serious note what I meant by 'keymaster' / 'gatekeeper' is that each woman still has her own buttons that can be pushed  

Hence I mentioned 'keymaster' 

You ladies don't always have all the power 



> So open the fkg gates baby


Lottel's Key - YouTube


----------



## vi_bride04

OMG I love Men in Tights! Lol hahahaha

I needed a laugh tonight


----------



## RandomDude

Marian: And it's just the right size!!!
Sheriff: It's not the size that counts, it's how you use it!!!

lol

Aye, tis too one of my fav movies of all time, watched it while growing up!


----------



## vi_bride04

I just watched it last weekend! Lol!!!

And the uncut, unedited version....fricken hilarious


----------



## RandomDude

Robin Hood: Men In Tights - YouTube

Gauntlet > Glove lol


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Well just packed the last of my stuff from the house, new owners take possession tomorrow. This is a little more emotional than I thought, but not sadness. My son is with me here now but not really showing anything one way or the other.



Oh God are you doing that to Lonno. My place sold 3 mths ago but conditional which at least gave me and d time to adjust . But l get the call last Monday saying the sale is def'. This was gonna our home and the place my d grew up in . We were gonna renovate it all up , it would have been a stunner and a haven for us all.
So l've got 5wks now to sort a new place and move out.
But it's one ac and being a male , l have lots of crap and all our crap to bc my ex hardly took anything .
lt's sinking in this week and feeling very sad and very weird and l'm worried about that hitting my daughter now too. To leave this place now it's as if the final piece. 
We moved and traveled a lot so this is even stranger alone as we were always a team in it together . 
She was sooo good at all the organizing , the new place and swapping , paper work, money stuff. While l basically played laborer and did all the lifting and crap.
Decisions about where to and what alone to , well apart from my beautiful d and her input.

lt is becoming far more emotional than l realized .


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Yes but isn't marriage about opening yourself up to your spouse completely, in every way? Isn't it about going on the journey together? And
> that means experimenting sexually together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It should be. But some people are repressed, don't trust (for good and bad reasons) or any other number of reasons. I think husbands are just as guilty in this regard as the wives.


----------



## familyfirst09

My ex was extremely "vanilla" when it came to sex. We even went to marriage counselling and discussed it there. But he just never put the effort in. I'm like Vi, I am definitely making sure the next right one has as the right sexual compatibility.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

It's so interesting to hear about all the vanilla and sexlessness in marriages. I had the exact opposite experience of that. Ex was a freak in bed and our sex life never tapered off. 

Got asked out for this weekend but am a "No" for now. Guy seems a little pushy about hanging out which I don't like. Told him I'd let him know when we could hang & then he messaged me asking me out for other dates immediately after that which I found odd. Then when I said no he messaged me his entire week's schedule of what he'll be doing. Weird. I have some downtime and am hardly ever home so I want to take advantage of that. I feel like I never get to just relax or even be home.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> He texted me again, said he really wanted me, etc. There was longing in his words, some attempt at concession, but it didn't really resolve itself; I told him he was being too aggressive and inflexible and not taking my feelings into account and asked him to address it, but he claimed that he just has an alpha sort if personality and that he didn't want me to feel anxious or nervous, that things would be fine if I have him a chance. I noticed, though, that he was still pressing for me to go to his place, rather than offering to meet me somewhere. I did not give in to his request; he asked if we could still talk about it and revisit things later and I said okay.


You pleaded your case and told him how you feel and he asked if you can discuss it later. So discuss it later. But definitely stick to your boundaries if you feel like he's not hearing you out. Cause nobody wants to be involved with someone when they feel that person does not respect them/what they are saying.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> It's so interesting to hear about all the vanilla and sexlessness in marriages. I had the exact opposite experience of that. Ex was a freak in bed and our sex life never tapered off.
> 
> Got asked out for this weekend but am a "No" for now. Guy seems a little pushy about hanging out which I don't like. Told him I'd let him know when we could hang & then he messaged me asking me out for other dates immediately after that which I found out. Then when I said no he messaged me his entire week's schedule of what he'll be doing. Weird. I have some downtime and am hardly ever home so I want to take advantage of that. I feel like I never get to just relax or even be home.


That guy sounds like an absolute NO. He has stage 5 written all over him!!


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> This is spot on too.
> 
> I love sex. I have been a pervert my entire life as far back as I can remember. My friends all know about my openess with sex, but still, there is that stigma that I am just a big slvt. If I was a guy.....I wouldn't even be worried about it. It just feels like women can't publically think about sex as much as men do.


You know, even before I got married, I was so over the double standard thing.

I like someone who can expertly switch between being a lady, being a ****, and whatever else suits her fancy. Life is too short. I no longer even bother with people who stick to the traditional "women are meant to be proper" routine.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> That guy sounds like an absolute NO. He has stage 5 written all over him!!


Like I said: I either get the types that want to marry me/rush into a relationship or the ones who seem into me and disappear.

There is NEVER an in between. WTF.


----------



## RandomDude

Looks like one of my recent ex-FWBs maybe returning to the fold after some failed dating attempts.

After hearing her stories I think she's being a bit too... picky. Her last date was apparently a gentleman, didn't do anything wrong but she considered him not 'manly' enough :scratchhead: 

The friendly side of me wants to tell her "WTF is wrong with you", the horny side of me is telling me to take advantage of this and convert her back to the fold of casual sex! Besides she was great until she went bust telling me she wanted to try dating again.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Like I said: I either get the types that want to marry me/rush into a relationship or the ones who seem into me and disappear.
> 
> There is NEVER an in between. WTF.


My problem is the ones that are super into me are the ones I have no interest in. The ones I like never seem to like me back.


----------



## RandomDude

My problem is that I have too many problems!


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, I agree with that, RD.


----------



## RandomDude

Doesn't stop me from being a lean mean ramming machine though hehe 

Though loveless 
Meh, oh well


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> My problem is that I have too many problems!


Got 99 problems?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Got 99 problems?


but an azzhole aint one!


----------



## moxy

I did something that I never do: stayed the night. I realized why I avoid it: feelings. :/ 

It's extremely nice to cuddle, sometimes, though. And, now, I'm in a good mood today. Maybe there is a place for tenderness, even in casual fun.

FWB is moving away next week, so I'm taking advantage of what time there is.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> but an azzhole aint one!


Preach, sista!


----------



## ne9907

I opened my match account last saturday, been on my disastrous date on monday. Have been communication with 3 men. 
One of them, almost daily.
The emailed back and forth all week, sends me a "sweet dreams email at night"
and this morning, I received a "good morning email"
He is totally not my type, but he is good looking.

Here is my location situation, he lives about two hours away (I go there every weekend after work).

He is Irish! or has irish ancestry


----------



## EnjoliWoman

RandomDude said:


> Doesn't stop me from being a lean mean ramming machine though hehe
> 
> Though loveless
> Meh, oh well


But remember - you don't want love.  You want FWBs. Right?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> I opened my match account last saturday, been on my disastrous date on monday. Have been communication with 3 men.
> One of them, almost daily.
> The emailed back and forth all week, sends me a "sweet dreams email at night"
> and this morning, I received a "good morning email"
> He is totally not my type, but he is good looking.
> 
> Here is my location situation, he lives about two hours away (I go there every weekend after work).
> 
> He is Irish! or has irish ancestry


It's fine to email daily but not ALL day. It's easy to really like someone in email, get a bit invested, agree to meet after weeks go by only to find out they don't do it for you. That's why I say meet right away for a drink or coffee or a casual lunch - whatever is natural to you.


----------



## ne9907

Should I ask him out? 

After my horse back riding this saturday, I may go back to where my family is (he is there as well).


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Should I ask him out?
> 
> After my horse back riding this saturday, I may go back to where my family is (he is there as well).


Yeah. Ask him out. Why not?


----------



## bandit.45

I've got a date this Friday with a real estate agent.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm heading to Marquette with a single gf for the weekend. Gonna be a good time. Maybe I'll meet a lumberjack I like, lol


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm heading to Marquette with a single gf for the weekend. Gonna be a good time. Maybe I'll meet a lumberjack I like, lol


Lumberjacks have big tools.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Lumberjacks have big tools.


They also wear women's dresses


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> They also wear women's dresses


And crampons.....

Crampons are hot.


----------



## caladan

RandomDude said:


> After hearing her stories I think she's being a bit too... picky. Her last date was apparently a gentleman, didn't do anything wrong but she considered him not 'manly' enough :scratchhead:
> ....
> The friendly side of me wants to tell her "WTF is wrong with you",


Really? Heh.


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I've got a date this Friday with a real estate agent.


Is this a viewing or a.... viewing?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

This thread has been weirdly quiet this week....:sleeping:


----------



## unsure78

too busy working and dating to post much... nothing to write home about


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> But remember - you don't want love.  You want FWBs. Right?


I do want someone to actually give a sh-t about! FWBs is just to pass the time in the meantime!



caladan said:


> Really? Heh.


Aye! No wonder chivalry is dead! And it's no wonder why I don't see her as more then FWB-material, if she can't respect that guy who actually likes her what if I start liking her in that way?

Deep down inside, when I start giving a sh-t about someone, I am a nice guy! Sort of... ex might disagree - but only cause I don't take her sh-t! Bah!

Meh, oh well, getting laid tonight so yay


----------



## Another Planet

How To Marry The Right Girl: A Mathematical Solution : Krulwich Wonders... : NPR


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> This thread has been weirdly quiet this week....:sleeping:


Sorry I have been trying to keep my non single ass drama off the single thread lol 
Actually I don't have any drama to report anyway.


----------



## Lon

No drama here either. Except I dropped my phone on the road getting out of my car this morning and cracked the glass... Boo


----------



## bandit.45

caladan said:


> Is this a viewing or a.... viewing?


Well maybe. LOL!

She's the gal who rented my house to me here in Denver. She's 41 and divorced with a teenage daughter. Were just going to grab a bite to eat and then she's going to show me around the town.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> No drama here either. Except I dropped my phone on the road getting out of my car this morning and cracked the glass... Boo


What phone do you have? 
I have a droid razor, it has gorilla glass and a ****ty $4 case from amazon and I have dropped my phone 100 times and not broke it. Hell my exwife chucked it across the house into the fridge door and it survived lol


----------



## ne9907

No drama
except a co worker left his car on neutral or whatever, rolled backwards, hit my car, and left a very huge dent on my rear bumper....
I feel bad because I really like this kid (he is 21), and still called his insurance to report a claim. Now his insurance rates will go up.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> What phone do you have?
> I have a droid razor, it has gorilla glass and a ****ty $4 case from amazon and I have dropped my phone 100 times and not broke it. Hell my exwife chucked it across the house into the fridge door and it survived lol


HTC one (m7). I just have a slim case and screen protector on it, and have dropped it a number of times, but it just landed face down completely flat on the concrete so there was no bounce or roll, just a thud, I knew it would be cracked before I picked it up, no case would have likely helped


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> No drama
> except a co worker left his car on neutral or whatever, rolled backwards, hit my car, and left a very huge dent on my rear bumper....
> I feel bad because I really like this kid (he is 21), and still called his insurance to report a claim. Now his insurance rates will go up.


So he drives a stick and didn't leave the parking brake on? 

I didn't think anyone, especially that young, could drive a manual now a days lol 

Sorry about your car, ne, that stinks!


----------



## ne9907

Dane Cook - Why Women Win Fights - YouTube

this is hillarious!!!

"my cd's are in his trunk"


----------



## bandit.45

Let's talk about anal sex. 

Who here has tried it?

Who here likes or liked it?

Who only did it once but wants to try again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> This thread has been weirdly quiet this week....:sleeping:


I have been really busy working. Besides I have no drama to report. I have also decided not to discuss my dating life here any longer. I felt Bandit was attacked to a degree by a certain poster and I don't need that crap in my life.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I have been really busy working. Besides I have no drama to report. I have also decided not to discuss my dating life here any longer. I felt Bandit was attacked to a degree by a certain poster and I don't need that crap in my life.


that is all right, I would not want you to discuss OUR intimate details anyway....


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I have been really busy working. Besides I have no drama to report. I have also decided not to discuss my dating life here any longer. I felt Bandit was attacked to a degree by a certain poster and I don't need that crap in my life.


Thanks Rat. You have a bunk waiting for you if you want to join me for elk hunting this year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Let's talk about anal sex.
> 
> Who here has tried it?
> 
> Who here likes or liked it?
> 
> Who only did it once but wants to try again?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Leave to Bandit to add some comic relief.
Personally, I have never got bored or tired enough of vagina to bother with butt love. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks Rat. You have a bunk waiting for you if you want to join me for elk hunting this year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not sure how to respond to this since your most recent post before this one was about anal. :rofl:
Elk hunting, hell yes. Broke back mountain, hell no. :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

No. No male butt love Rat. You would have your own cabin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> Let's talk about anal sex.
> 
> Who here has tried it?
> 
> Who here likes or liked it?
> 
> Who only did it once but wants to try again?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blech! =/


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Blech! =/


I take that as a "no"....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

No dating stories????





....and then the thread died.


----------



## jpr

This is the internet.

...people are going to judge you ( often openly) from behind their computer screen. That is what we do. 


So what??

In real life, people judge you everyday....they mostly just judge your silently.


It is a part of life. ....get over it.

I want to know how things are going with Ms. Applebee, Muskrat.


----------



## bandit.45

Okay.... How about A2M? Anyone tried it?

I just learned what that one a few days ago from a really upstanding carpenter working for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> This is the internet.
> 
> ...people are going to judge you ( often openly) from behind their computer screen. That is what we do.
> 
> 
> So what??
> 
> In real life, people judge you everyday....they mostly just judge your silently.
> 
> 
> It is a part of life. ....get over it.
> 
> I want to know how things are going with Ms. Applebee, Muskrat.


Okay I'll bite.

Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Okay I'll bite.
> 
> Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you get with her she will try to put you in her rear entry to win your lust. (I'm assuming this plays a little part in your reason to bringbup anal). That was a trick my Persian kitty tried on me, and which I let her think I fell for... Fun stuff!


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Okay I'll bite.
> 
> Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you have told her how you feel, what your expectations are, then I really don't see the problem with talking to her. If she wants to be your personal play toy, that is HER choice.


----------



## bandit.45

No Syrian and did that. A couple times. I just don't want to string her along since we have no future. She didn't take kindly to me breaking it off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> If you have told her how you feel, what your expectations are, then I really don't see the problem with talking to her. If she wants to be your personal play toy, that is HER choice.


No. It's just not right. I can't do that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> I want to know how things are going with Ms. Applebee, Muskrat.


Ugggh, fine. I have had dinner with her 3 times. She is really liking the rat. :rofl: Anyhow, she is not physically what I would normally go for, but personality wise we click really well. She is also down with my self sufficient hillbilly lifestyle. She didn't even blink an eye at all the mounted animals hanging on my living room walls.
So in summary, I like her. I'm just not sure on what level yet. Are time together is really limited right now due to our children's schedules. She has her daughter 100% of the time. She was born and raised in Germany, so she doesn't have any family in the area. So our time together is relegated to when one of her friends can watch her daughter and when my children are with their mother.


----------



## bandit.45

Rat, if you have a taxidermy friendly girlfriend, stick with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> No. It's just not right. I can't do that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And that is your choice. I will add the morally correct one also. I was just saying, as long as you are honest with her, she is contacting you at her own risk.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Rat, if you have a taxidermy friendly girlfriend, stick with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She apparently has a love of hunting wild boars also.:smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Okay.... How about A2M? Anyone tried it?
> 
> I just learned what that one a few days ago from a really upstanding carpenter working for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 And yes, I was stupid enough to google it.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Okay I'll bite.
> 
> 
> 
> Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That makes me sad. I kinda wish you guys could still have a thing. Of course, if you're not feeling it, then it makes sense not to reply. However, it sounded like y'all were having fun.

Anyhow, I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted or having to deal with awkwardness. I suppose that happens :/


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> And that is your choice. I will add the morally correct one also. I was just saying, as long as you are honest with her, she is contacting you at her own risk.


She was wanting more than I could give her. She had me in her scope for possible hubby material. No way I'll risk marrying a woman that young.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> That makes me sad. I kinda wish you guys could still have a thing. Of course, if you're not feeling it, then it makes sense not to reply. However, it sounded like y'all were having fun.
> 
> Anyhow, I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted or having to deal with awkwardness. I suppose that happens :/


If I was ten years younger it would have been game on. I like her a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Fenix, I was about to ask what A2M was and then I realized it would probably be just what it sounds like...


----------



## muskrat

I'm still getting used to her height. I have never dated a woman who is almost as tall as me. I'm trying to think this whole thing through. I have always been with the 10's, that has also always ended poorly for me. So maybe giving an 8 a try isn't such a bad idea. I just need to kill the shallow male swine that lives inside me.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Fenix, I was about to ask what A2M was and then I realized it would probably be just what it sounds like...


LOL! I about died when the guy told me what it was. I don't watch porn so I had no idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I'm still getting used to her height. I have never dated a woman who is almost as tall as me. I'm trying to think this whole thing through. I have always been with the 10's, that has also always ended poorly for me. So maybe giving an 8 a try isn't such a bad idea. I just need to kill the shallow male swine that lives inside me.



So, she's an 8 rather than a 10 because she is tall?

Sorry if that's a weird question; I don't do the rating thing because my tastes are quirky and eclectic and weird.

I think that you would probably find her physically more attractive once you guys get to know each other better and your feelings for each other intensify.

Good to hear that things are going well for y'all.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm still getting used to her height. I have never dated a woman who is almost as tall as me. I'm trying to think this whole thing through. I have always been with the 10's, that has also always ended poorly for me. So maybe giving an 8 a try isn't such a bad idea. I just need to kill the shallow male swine that lives inside me.


Can she pack a deer? If so , that's all you need to know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I like tall women. I like big girls as long as they are proportionate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> So, she's an 8 rather than a 10 because she is tall?
> 
> Sorry if that's a weird question; I don't do the rating thing because my tastes are quirky and eclectic and weird.
> 
> I think that you would probably find her physically more attractive once you guys get to know each other better and your feelings for each other intensify.
> 
> Good to hear that things are going well for y'all.


Height has nothing to do with sex rank. At least on my scale. 

For the record, she is 5'11", I am 6'2"


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Can she pack a deer? If so , that's all you need to know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She has never gone hunting in America. She has shot boar and red deer in Germany however.


----------



## bandit.45

Women who hunt are hot. Next woman I get serious with is going hunting with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Women who hunt are hot. Next woman I get serious with is going hunting with me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My exw used to go hunting with me. I videotaped her taking a couple of buck over the years. Anyhow, it's not always as great as you think it will be.


----------



## bandit.45

Never been hunting with a woman. 

But your memory of your wife is skewed by the knowledge that she's a cheating tramp.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> Okay I'll bite.
> 
> Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





bandit.45 said:


> No Syrian and did that. A couple times. I just don't want to string her along since we have no future. She didn't take kindly to me breaking it off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why no future? =/

She doesn't seem like the FWB types I've been ramming! What's holding you back? Her age?


----------



## RandomDude

muskrat said:


> I'm still getting used to her height. I have never dated a woman who is almost as tall as me. I'm trying to think this whole thing through. I have always been with the 10's, that has also always ended poorly for me. So maybe giving an 8 a try isn't such a bad idea. I just need to kill the shallow male swine that lives inside me.


The taller they are, the longer the legs


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> Height has nothing to do with sex rank. At least on my scale.
> 
> 
> 
> For the record, she is 5'11", I am 6'2"



Wow. Y'all would tower over me. I'm five feet even.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Wow. Y'all would tower over me. I'm five feet even.


Perfect height, my gf is 5' even also. We line up nicely together.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Okay I'll bite.
> 
> Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. *Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





bandit.45 said:


> No. It's just not right. I can't do that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No sweetie, you are doing 100% the right thing. It probably feels mean, but in reality it isnt. I wish the same had been done for me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well ladies and gentlemen I believe I've come across a woman who I'm finally willing to let down my walls and go for it with. She reached out to me last week through online dating and so far I'm pleasantly surprised. Text back and forth for a few days and then last night we decided to chat on the phone (her idea) ... for 5 hours, until 3am.

She's independent, so god damn witty, intellectual (talks all the lingo I talk) and for the first time I've met someone who I honestly don't feel like I 'need' to impress. Just be myself with. She's aware of her faults, can make light of them but at the same time holds herself to a moral code. She's opinionated, but open to discussion and someone I feel would fit in with my friends / group.

We have a date tomorrow night and both agree that it will determine where things go, if we like each other in person.

If things do go well, I will most likely be taking more time off from here so I can focus on myself and work through whatever awaits down this road. Of course I'll be applying everything that I've learned in the last 2 years and I can honestly say if it doesn't turn out the way I'm anticipating, I will be disappointing.

Either way, don't know unless you try!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Oh and I made D6's birthday cake!!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Height has nothing to do with sex rank. At least on my scale.
> 
> For the record, she is 5'11", I am 6'2"


Her sex rank is an 8.

So how is sex rank rated? By face, body, both?

I am terribly insecure btw, so my ex.said I was a 6. Could somebody else think I am higher?

Also someone PM me what A2M (?) Means... did I get it right??


----------



## moxy

Daddio, that minion cake is awesome. And, good luck on your date!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Her sex rank is an 8.
> 
> So how is sex rank rated? By face, body, both?
> 
> I am terribly insecure btw, so my ex.said I was a 6. Could somebody else think I am higher?
> 
> Also someone PM me what A2M (?) Means... did I get it right??


I just Googled it, ne, its disgusting and unsanitary! 

I think the whole sex rank thing is crap. Who are we to go assigning numbers to people?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I just Googled it, ne, its disgusting and unsanitary!
> 
> I think the whole sex rank thing is crap. Who are we to go assigning numbers to people?


I've felt the same way, never bothered to even look into it simply because I feel it's bullsticks.


----------



## RandomDude

Preferences are determined by the individual
A 5 could be a 10 for someone else and vice versa

For me it's just a general measure of overall physical attractiveness of the lady in question determined by my own tastes.

You shouldn't let anyone's numbering get you down, if someone rates you low then you're just not his type - move on and find someone else. Simple.


----------



## muskrat

I've never put numbers on people before it just seemed to be the best way to articulate physical appearance on a message board. And yes all numbers are completely in the eye of the beholder.

Also, this for moxy, there is nothing wrong with being short. I have had 2 very long term relationships in my life. One was 5'1" the other was 5' even. As previously stated, I'm 6'2". Dating someone almost my height is a new experience for me. I think the tallest lady I have ever dated was maybe 5'6" before now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I've never put numbers on people before it just seemed to be the best way to articulate physical appearance on a message board. And yes all numbers are completely in the eye of the beholder.
> 
> Also, this for moxy, there is nothing wrong with being short. I have had 2 very long term relationships in my life. One was 5'1" the other was 5' even. As previously stated, I'm 6'2". Dating someone almost my height is a new experience for me. I think the tallest lady I have ever dated was maybe 5'6" before now.


I love tall men. I am 5'4", so I guess I am average for a female? I have kind of a petite build though. I had an LTR with a guy who was 6'4" and my last H was 6'5". Hard hat was the shortest guy I ever dated, he was 5"6 or 7". Maybe I should try going for shorter guys since the tall ones have never worked out for me.  
And Rat, please keep sharing your dating experiences, I think its important that we all share so we can all learn from and help each other. I feel like we are family in this thread.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> I love tall men. I am 5'4", so I guess I am average for a female? I have kind of a petite build though. I had an LTR with a guy who was 6'4" and my last H was 6'5". Hard hat was the shortest guy I ever dated, he was 5"6 or 7". Maybe I should try going for shorter guys since the tall ones have never worked out for me.
> And Rat, please keep sharing your dating experiences, I think its important that we all share so we can all learn from and help each other. I feel like we are family in this thread.


Yes, short guys are where it's at.


----------



## moxy

Don't worry, muskrat, I'm fine with my petite stature -- unless I have to reach for things on the top shelves -- but, I'm always fascinated by how different the world must seem to taller people.

Oddly, most of the people I've dated have been above 6ft. My exh is 5'7". Anything over 5'4" seems really tall to me.


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> Don't worry, muskrat, I'm fine with my petite stature -- unless I have to reach for things on the top shelves -- but, I'm always fascinated by how different the world must seem to taller people.
> 
> Oddly, most of the people I've dated have been above 6ft. My exh is 5'7". Anything over 5'4" seems really tall to me.



Wow, my sister was 5'8"


----------



## bandit.45

Petite women spin easier when they're on top.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Petite women spin easier when they're on top.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



My sister hated being tall.


----------



## bandit.45

Petite women are fun because you can throw them around on the bed easier. Tall women are fun because they can wrap those long legs around you and pull you in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Petite women are fun because you can throw them around on the bed easier. Tall women are fun because they can wrap those long legs around you and pull you in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



My late sister is in one of my albums. I miss her


----------



## bandit.45

drerio said:


> My late sister is in one of my albums. I miss her


Sorry man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

drerio said:


> My late sister is in one of my albums. I miss her



I'm sorry drerio. Maybe you can watch old videos or look at some photos for comfort? I find that something like that can lessen the immediacy of grief by simulating real time connection.


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> Tall women are fun because they can wrap those long legs around you and pull you in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aye, ex was 5'9


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm in da U.P., eh!? Made it for last call, having a good time, please send good vibes for my gfs interview tomorrow she really needs this job!!!  hope everyone is planning a good weekend.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> Yes, short guys are where it's at.


I love small guys. Being 5'3" everyone is usually taller than me lol


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> I'm still getting used to her height. I have never dated a woman who is almost as tall as me. I'm trying to think this whole thing through. I have always been with the 10's, that has also always ended poorly for me. So maybe giving an 8 a try isn't such a bad idea. I just need to kill the shallow male swine that lives inside me.


I've always preferred taller women. i'm 5'8". Around where I grew up, the average height was about 6'. So yeah, I've always identified as short.

... and then I moved to NYC.


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> my tastes are quirky and eclectic and weird.


This is just bizarre. Whereabouts do you live again Mox?


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian keeps trying to text and call me and I'm ignoring her. Because I'm a selfish heartless bastard.


Well at least you acknowledge it. 

I don't get why you can't just respond to her and tell her nothing is going to happen between you two after she kindly dropped you off at the airport for your trip. 

That whole night/morning before may have had her thinking something different since your actions didn't match your words... 

Silent treatment is the worst, IMO.


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> This is just bizarre. Whereabouts do you live again Mox?



TX. How about you? Why is that bizarre?


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> TX. How about you? Why is that bizarre?


Bizarre in a good way. Quirky and eclectic are major attributes in my dating preferences.

Texas unfortunately is somewhat out of scope . NJ.


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> Bizarre in a good way. Quirky and eclectic are major attributes in my dating preferences.



Yeah, I'm kind of an odd bird.

I was drawn to my FWB because he seemed to fit this image of this place I'm in these days: truck, boots, jeans, drawl, swagger; he's got this cowboy thing going on just outside the frame of what he does (he isn't a cowboy). I'm in TX and his Texan-ness was somehow attractive. Helps that he's hot. However, I have never been into cowboys before; it's not like...a thing for me, just happens to be a thing that works in this context. Anyhow, if he suddenly started demonstrating changes from that image, I don't know how my attraction would fare. I'm not sure I'd have been so attracted to him in a different part of the world; I'm very influenced by place. 

My exh was totally different; a very urban product of his city. Strangely, I seem to like accents these days, which is a thing that's probably left over from my feelings for my ex. I don't know.


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> Yeah, I'm kind of an odd bird.
> 
> I was drawn to my FWB because he seemed to fit this image of this place I'm in these days: truck, boots, jeans, drawl, swagger; he's got this cowboy thing going on just outside the scope of what he does (he isn't a cowboy). I'm in TX and his Texan-ness was somehow attractive. Helps that he's hot. However, I have never been into cowboys before; it's not like...a thing for me, just happens to be a thing that works in this context. Anyhow, if he suddenly started demonstrating changes from that, I don't know how my attraction would fare. I'm not sure I'd have been so attracted to him in a different part of the world; I'm very influenced by place.
> 
> My exh was totally different; a very urban product of his city. Strangely, I seem to like accents these days, which is a thing that's probably left over from my feelings for my ex. I don't know.


I have an accent. You'd probably like me. Not a cowboy though. 

I should put up a pic...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I was drawn to my FWB because he seemed to fit this image of this place I'm in these days: truck, boots, jeans, drawl, swagger; he's got this cowboy thing going on just outside the frame of what he does (he isn't a cowboy). I'm in TX and his Texan-ness was somehow attractive. Helps that he's hot.


Soooo jealous!!


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> I have an accent.
> 
> 
> 
> I should put up a pic...



This thread always needs more pics!

What sort of accent do you have? Not NJ, right? I'm thinking of Jersey Shore, now. I think you mentioned being in/from Europe or the UK.

I don't have any sort of discernible accent; but I am fond of my lexical whimsy, which sometimes feels like an accent.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Soooo jealous!!



Aww. Can I make you more jealous? He's a bit of a young buck with all the energy you might imagine.  I couldn't resist. 

Alas, he's moving away in a few days. Driving distance, but far enough away that it's not as convenient as what we've been getting up to. I fully expect him to acquire a real girlfriend at some point. So, I'm making my peace with the likely loss of after hours fun.

:/ I need to switch mental gears and drag myself to the office.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Hmm I wonder if our surroundings influence our tastes. You're in TX and attracted to what might be seen as a "typical" Texan. I'm in the city and prefer a sharp luxury sedan and a man who dresses and behaves like he is in charge professionally and personally while still being kind and tactful when he has to be assertive. 

On a side note, I saw a nice looking older man at the gym last night and as I scanned him over I got to his calves and saw that dreaded mid-calf sock tan line and almost chuckled out loud. Never looked at him again. I might be mid-forties but I know that ankle socks are the way to go right now. Staying relatively current is still important to me.


----------



## coffee4me

Ankle socks? Not around here unless you are a gym rat


----------



## moxy

Enjoli, my environment very definitely influences my tastes and predilections. What caught my interest in New York was different from what I liked in Los Angeles and that was different from what I liked in Dublin. And, now I sound like a cheesy pitbull song. However, I definitely think that environment shapes attraction --and also that sock tans are hilarious.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

coffee4me said:


> Ankle socks? Not around here unless you are a gym rat


Huh - I NEVER see men in anything but. With pressed khaki shorts and leather laced shoes/golf look or with casual shorts and sneakers or athletic shorts doing yard work.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am wearing ankle socks today  (And always wear them at the gym).

Environment affecting taste? Interesting. 

There is a type of man/dress I am definitely drawn to and it doesn't matter where I am in the world--that kind of man, will always make me do a double-take.


----------



## coffee4me

I live in a casual place and on second thought lots of sandals where I live.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Eh, my tastes swing wildly, too. Although out of all of the types I've dated, that was the best. However he exhibited a low tolerance for things but always kept his cool. I also like the smart blue-collar man - a man who can DO stuff (and wants to! - hate unfinished projects) is a huge turn on. But clean your car/truck and dress for the occasion. I hopped into a truck once - outside nice a clean, guy in jeans and golf shirt and then he had to move piles of crap to make room for me. Uh - no make-outs happening in THERE.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Well at least you acknowledge it.
> 
> I don't get why you can't just respond to her and tell her nothing is going to happen between you two after she kindly dropped you off at the airport for your trip.
> 
> That whole night/morning before may have had her thinking something different since your actions didn't match your words...
> 
> Silent treatment is the worst, IMO.


I've talked to her twice since. She's starting to ease off. She's never acted mad at me. She just cries. But I've been with enough women to know that the anger is on it's way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Don't look now, hold my hopes in, but this red head that I have been trying to match schedules for what seems like forever (1-2 months) are finally going to hang out...alone. 

The con, it's next FRIGGIN week! Going to hit on as many women as I can between now and then to occupy my mind and not build this into something it isn't.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> There is a type of man/dress I am definitely drawn to and it doesn't matter where I am in the world--that kind of man, will always make me do a double-take.


Me, too. But my taste is also unpredictable. I could go for a (liberal) cowboy.  I also like the suit and tie guy. However, now, I am with a jeans and button down shirt guy who is in IT. Maybe the commonality is that the guy cannot seem uptight, regardless of what he is wearing. And he must look at home in his clothes.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I've talked to her twice since. She's starting to ease off. She's never acted mad at me. She just cries. But I've been with enough women to know that the anger is on it's way.


Hopefully you told her you're not interested at all instead of stringing her a long and feeding her hope.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> Don't look now, hold my hopes in, but this red head that I have been trying to match schedules for what seems like forever (1-2 months) are finally going to hang out...alone.


:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> Huh - I NEVER see men in anything but. *With pressed khaki shorts and leather laced shoes/golf look* or with casual shorts and sneakers or athletic shorts doing yard work.


UGH, I cant stand this type!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> Me, too. But my taste is also unpredictable. I could go for a (liberal) cowboy.  I also like the suit and tie guy. However, now, I am with a jeans and button down shirt guy who is in IT. Maybe the commonality is that the guy cannot seem uptight, regardless of what he is wearing. And he must look at home in his clothes.


I like a tie because I want to take it off.  A man in a suit makes me want to undress him. NOW. 

(Agree on not uptight in that suit.)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> UGH, I cant stand this type!


Eh, it depends on how he wears it and where he is. If it's the bar at the country club it's fine. If it's in a casual environment it looks uptight.


----------



## Lon

EnjoliWoman said:


> On a side note, I saw a nice looking older man at the gym last night and as I scanned him over I got to his calves and saw that dreaded mid-calf sock tan line and almost chuckled out loud. Never looked at him again. I might be mid-forties but I know that ankle socks are the way to go right now. Staying relatively current is still important to me.



Enjoli, I never suspected you were so superficial


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Lon said:


> Enjoli, I never suspected you were so superficial


Yeah... well. In this instance i realize a good woman could dress him. But on the other hand it signaled a bit of fuddy-duddy-ness. Unless you're mowing or doing something where your lower legs should be covered for safety, a more casual shoe is appropriate. this just makes me picture grandpa in his bermuda shorts and calf-socks sipping a drink with an umbrella. I'd prefer a leather flip-flop and scotch guy.


----------



## Another Planet

So last night I was at my GF's, her sister is in town and staying with her. We were hanging out drinking a couple beers and she was complaining her neck hurt, my GF said I have big strong hands and offered me to her assistance. So I was rubbing her back and neck for her for 10-15 minutes I realized what was happening...I have no meaning behind it but she has a boyfriend and I can't be doing this **** again. This is how it happens, I am not saying it will for sure but this exact type of situation is how it starts for me. It is a building block like a stepping stone and a pretty major one. It's an ice breaker...it sets up the wheels to start moving in a certain direction. Something might happen or it won't whatever it's not like I want it to. 
To me it should really be meaningless and just nothing come of it, I rubbed her back that's it...but it is going to be like a random text from her 3 weeks or even months from now when she is arguing with her boyfriend or I am used as an example of how he should be. My GF will probably even joke about it.


I need to make a major life decision and start focusing on changing myself because I do not want to be a man *****, an object of admiration but with no real substance. How can a person be liked so much but there not be actual deep meaning for them?

Or am I suppose to be a man *****? Because sometimes I feel like I am fighting it and just letting it flow is the way it is suppose to be. Not a man ***** like RD  with all his "ramming" but a different kind of slvtty...I don't know how to explain it...hmmm


----------



## coffee4me

AP were you always like this?


----------



## Another Planet

Like what? Get myself in situations like what I just said?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So last night I was at my GF's, her sister is in town and staying with her. We were hanging out drinking a couple beers and she was complaining her neck hurt, my GF said I have big strong hands and offered me to her assistance. So I was rubbing her back and neck for her for 10-15 minutes I realized what was happening...I have no meaning behind it but she has a boyfriend and I can't be doing this **** again.


Very strange she would be offering her boyfriend up for massages. Didn't she ask you to hang out with her friend one day also when she wasn't around? 

Just tell her straight out: I am not comfortable with that since. A. You are my girlfriend and B. She has a boyfriend.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Preferences are determined by the individual
> A 5 could be a 10 for someone else and vice versa
> 
> For me it's just a general measure of overall physical attractiveness of the lady in question determined by my own tastes.
> 
> You shouldn't let anyone's numbering get you down, if someone rates you low then you're just not his type - move on and find someone else. Simple.


I have always known you have a heart, and are actually a neat person behind that wall of ice.


----------



## coffee4me

Another Planet said:


> I need to make a major life decision and start focusing on changing myself because I do not want to be a man *****, an object of admiration but with no real substance. How can a person be liked so much but there not be actual deep meaning for them?


Like this


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Petite women spin easier when they're on top.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol:

Bandit, you are a freak!! Where can I find me one like you close to me?


----------



## coffee4me

ne9907 said:


> I have always known you have a heart, and are actually a neat person behind that wall of ice.


I agree


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> If it's the bar at the country club it's fine.


I rather like the bar at the country club. Of course, I prefer to see people dressed up for Sunday Brunch or in tennis gear. I also like the jeans with the tweed jacket thing in the art museum or the university library. Anything that seems like it belongs in the world of literary nerds or art snobs or S&M clubs generally does it for me. Lately, though, I like the local culture: jeans and boots, military garb, cargo pants, muscled arms and the toxic scent of oilfields -- basically, all the stuff that might cause my liberal logic to raise some ideological questions seems to be physically appealing to me; maybe I'm changing, or maybe it's a symptom of my desire to play rather than settle down, or maybe it's a sign that I've been watching too much "Supernatural", but I'm having a nice time. I don't know. Lately, I just like anything that seems very masculine, which is itself a strange thing for a woman like me who has usually tended to prefer androgyny and art. I think my failed marriage sort of un-womaned me and I just wanna feel like a chick for a minute. And, maybe I'm in the mood to not be in charge all the time. OK, that took a serious turn. 

For the record, I don't generally fetishize or objectify the people I'm with to the point of ignoring individuality or personhood; I think this attitude is some kind of defense mechanism to prevent me from getting attached to anybody.



EnjoliWoman said:


> it signaled a bit of fuddy-duddy-ness.
> 
> this just makes me picture grandpa in his bermuda shorts and calf-socks sipping a drink with an umbrella.


The image combined with the word "fuddy-duddy-ness" made me laugh.



Another Planet said:


> So last night I was at my GF's, her sister is in town and staying with her. We were hanging out drinking a couple beers and she was complaining her neck hurt, my GF said I have big strong hands and offered me to her assistance. So I was rubbing her back and neck for her for 10-15 minutes I realized what was happening...I have no meaning behind it but she has a boyfriend and I can't be doing this **** again.


Yikes. I know that some people don't read anything into that sort of gesture -- and, it seemed like your GF was basically just trying to show you off (itself, a little troubling) -- but, I think the fact that you felt uncomfortable demonstrates that this is an issue for you that you shouldn't ignore. 



Another Planet said:


> This is how it happens, I am not saying it will for sure but this exact type of situation is how it starts for me. It is a building block like a stepping stone and a pretty major one. It's an ice breaker...it sets up the wheels to start moving in a certain direction. Something might happen or it won't whatever it's not like I want it to.
> To me it should really be meaningless and just nothing come of it, I rubbed her back that's it...but it is going to be like a random text from her 3 weeks or even months from now when she is arguing with her boyfriend or I am used as an example of how he should be. My GF will probably even joke about it.


Those ill-defined boundaries are problematic, but you seem to be navigating them in order to figure out what you want. I think you're right to stay away from that kind of stuff, even if it seems innocent.



Another Planet said:


> I need to make a major life decision and start focusing on changing myself because I do not want to be a man *****, an object of admiration but with no real substance. How can a person be liked so much but there not be actual deep meaning for them?
> 
> Or am I suppose to be a man *****? Because sometimes I feel like I am fighting it and just letting it flow is the way it is suppose to be. Not a man ***** like RD  with all his "ramming" but a different kind of slvtty...I don't know how to explain it...hmmm


You are not just a piece of meat. Sure, it can feel great to be the object of desire, to feel utterly objectified for a moment, but...you shouldn't allow that to make you feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't remain in that object position if you don't want to and no one should make you feel that it's your place to be objectified if you don't want to be. 

I think you're saying that you want to be wanted for who you are as well as for being hot -- and, that's a good thing to want. In a romantic relationship, most people want to feel special, not generically objectified. The key words there are "substance" and "depth". You want something real and meaningful. Negotiating blurry boundaries is making you feel cheap or used or less authentically connected to your relationship in some way; it seems you've just learned that you don't want to feel that way. That's kind of a breakthrough moment because you're aware of how your old patterns are giving way to what you actually want. Think about it for a while. Figure out what you don't want. Tell your GF that you don't want to be a man-puppet and that your romantic skills should only be reserved for her because you want your relationship to have meaning.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> :lol:
> 
> Bandit, you are a freak!! Where can I find me one like you close to me?


Move to Scottsdale!


----------



## bandit.45

Sh!t! I didn't realise that today is Friday! I've been head down, ass up all week and I'm a day behind! 

I have no shirt or slacks ironed for my date tonight. Fvck me! I'll have maybe an hour between getting to my rental house and picking her up!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Sh!t! I didn't realise that today is Friday! I've been head down, ass up all week and I'm a day behind!
> 
> I have no shirt or slacks ironed for my date tonight. Fvck me! I'll have maybe an hour between getting to my rental house and picking her up!


Time for sh1t shower shave, and go casual. You have reservations somewhere fancy again?


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I have always known you have a heart, and are actually a neat person behind that wall of ice.


Ey? Actually I dont  I'm a cold heartless bastard! To everyone but my little girl!

Don't let it get around that I've grown soft! I was only stating the truth


----------



## bandit.45

No just some pizza joint she says is really good. Then she's going to take me on a walking tour of old town.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I also like the jeans with the tweed jacket thing in the art museum or the university library.


Me, too! :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Very strange she would be offering her boyfriend up for massages. Didn't she ask you to hang out with her friend one day also when she wasn't around?
> 
> Just tell her straight out: I am not comfortable with that since. A. You are my girlfriend and B. She has a boyfriend.


See it isn't strange to me at all, this kind of stuff just happens to me allllll the time through out my whole life. It has got to be something wrong with me, like my boundaries problems.

Remember forever ago when I was *****in and I said that sometimes I just want to lock myself in my house because I am tired of the crazy **** that happens to me. And then I think it was JPR called me out saying all my stories sound to fantastic to be true? 

The more I think about it the more uncomfortable I get, I'm like I can't believe I did that! Ugggh
I could just tell her I am not comfortable with that but in the past they just tend to blow it off cause they will say it doesn't mean anything and stuff like that which I always wish is true but I know the possibilities first hand. So to me at this point in my life and my experience I know it really is up to me and my boundaries that will keep things from happening not what I say to other people.
I mean I could have said no.



coffee4me said:


> Like this


I guess now that I can look back and analyze my past and what has happened to me yes. It didn't really hit me until I was involved in multiple affairs and short term relationships AND my ****ty marriage and everything else I reflected on why all of these things happened.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Yeah, I'm kind of an odd bird.
> 
> I was drawn to my FWB because he seemed to fit this image of this place I'm in these days: truck, boots, jeans, drawl, swagger; he's got this cowboy thing going on just outside the frame of what he does (he isn't a cowboy). I'm in TX and his Texan-ness was somehow attractive. Helps that he's hot. However, I have never been into cowboys before; it's not like...a thing for me, just happens to be a thing that works in this context. Anyhow, if he suddenly started demonstrating changes from that image, I don't know how my attraction would fare. I'm not sure I'd have been so attracted to him in a different part of the world; I'm very influenced by place.
> 
> My exh was totally different; a very urban product of his city. Strangely, I seem to like accents these days, which is a thing that's probably left over from my feelings for my ex. I don't know.


OMG Moxy!!! I am so freaking jealous!
I want a good, thrown in the hay, rough, hot, wild, romp with a sexy cowboy!!!

Kudos to you!! Enjoy it you lucky woman!!!!!!!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I've talked to her twice since. She's starting to ease off. She's never acted mad at me. She just cries. But I've been with enough women to know that the anger is on it's way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oh wow
Either she fell head over heels for you or is trying to manipulate you by using the pity card.

I have never let a man see me cry (except ex). I think that if I let a man see me cry, it is a sign of weakness. 
I have only cried with someone I am extremely comfortable with and love (ex).


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Hopefully you told her you're not interested at all instead of stringing her a long and feeding her hope.


C'mon JB... cut me some slack. Of course I told her its over. Finito. And I asked her to stop calling me. 

I'm not that big of a d!ck.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> oh wow
> *Either she fell head over heels for you or is trying to manipulate you by using the pity card.*
> I have never let a man see me cry (except ex). I think that if I let a man see me cry, it is a sign of weakness.
> I have only cried with someone I am extremely comfortable with and love (ex).


Quien sabe?


----------



## coffee4me

AP, the way you describe yourself sounds just like my son, even the other day the comment that you made about not convincing a woman to sleep with you because if you're a sexy beast they come to you, sounded like my son. 

Your last few posts I see tons of similarities. I was wondering what effects this will have on him in relationships. He's just 16 now. 

What do you think you could have done or need to do change your boundaries?


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> C'mon JB... cut me some slack. Of course I told her its over. Finito. And I asked her to stop calling me.
> 
> 
> 
> *I'm not that big of a d!ck.*



Ok, I read thar statement all wrong


----------



## Another Planet

coffee4me said:


> AP, the way you describe yourself sounds just like my son, even the other day the comment that you made about not convincing a woman to sleep with you because if you're a sexy beast they come to you, sounded like my son.
> 
> Your last few posts I see tons of similarities. I was wondering what effects this will have on him in relationships. He's just 16 now.
> 
> What do you think you could have done or need to do change your boundaries?


Own my actions. Recognize the patterns and be confident in what I want and how I want to achieve it. 
The only problem with that is it took me a lot of pain and hurting others to realize that what I was doing was wrong and that I never wanted to be the person I had been. Hopefully for him to understand that he doesn't need to experience what I have.
I'm just glad I didn't do any worse then what I have already done.

At 16 I had my oldest son. Probably the best thing that happened to me honestly. 
But I would have to say I had waaaaaay to much sexual experience before I was of legal age. Probably doesn't help my image of the way the world is and my perception. I just shake my head now at some of the things that happened to me when I was younger.


----------



## 06Daddio08

moxy said:


> Daddio, that minion cake is awesome. And, good luck on your date!!


Thanks moxy!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> OMG Moxy!!! I am so freaking jealous!
> I want a good, thrown in the hay, rough, hot, wild, romp with a sexy cowboy!!!
> 
> Kudos to you!! Enjoy it you lucky woman!!!!!!!


You see why I couldn't resist? 

It has definitely been fun. I am really going to miss Hot Neighbor/Sexy Cowboy/GI Joe (never could settle on a nickname because he is a lot of different things at once) after he moves away. I know he has been a little douchey sometimes, but it's probably just because he's a bit young; usually, he's really sweet to me -- and we have a hell of a lot of fun when we hang out. Of course, I did the ill-advised staying the night business the other day for the first time ever and now I'm feeling overly romantical about it all, but trying to keep it in check. Nope, not going to dwell on sadness or feelings; I knew this was a short term thing -- and, I am a grown woman who knows better than to dwell.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Thanks moxy!


One step at a time my friend...its just a date, a first date at that... dont put to much into anything yet...

1) you never really know a person until some time goes by, she could be putting up a false front

2) ive hit it off via text, email, even phone conversation but in person it was not there

But I wish you good luck and to have fun


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> One step at a time my friend...its just a date, a first date at that... dont put to much into anything yet...
> 
> 1) you never really know a person until some time goes by, she could be putting up a false front
> 
> *2) ive hit it off via text, email, even phone conversation but in person it was not there*
> 
> But I wish you good luck and to have fun


:iagree: YEP!


----------



## coffee4me

Another Planet said:


> Own my actions. Recognize the patterns and be confident in what I want and how I want to achieve it.
> The only problem with that is it took me a lot of pain and hurting others to realize that what I was doing was wrong and that I never wanted to be the person I had been. Hopefully for him to understand that he doesn't need to experience what I have.
> I'm just glad I didn't do any worse then what I have already done.
> 
> At 16 I had my oldest son. Probably the best thing that happened to me honestly.
> But I would have to say I had waaaaaay to much sexual experience before I was of legal age. Probably doesn't help my image of the way the world is and my perception. I just shake my head now at some of the things that happened to me when I was younger.


Thank you for sharing AP I appreciate it. Some things you said here give me food for thought.


----------



## ne9907

ugh
I hate feeling sad.
I am pensive, nostalgic, and oh so very sad...

I feel as if the love I had with ex at our beginning will never be replicated or even come close to be emulated.

I am lonely too.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> ugh
> I hate feeling sad.
> I am pensive, nostalgic, and oh so very sad...
> 
> I feel as if the love I had with ex at our beginning will never be replicated or even come close to be emulated.
> 
> I am lonely too.


Fridays are always the lonliest days for me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> One step at a time my friend...its just a date, a first date at that... dont put to much into anything yet...
> 
> 1) you never really know a person until some time goes by, she could be putting up a false front
> 
> 2) ive hit it off via text, email, even phone conversation but in person it was not there
> 
> But I wish you good luck and to have fun


I'm putting trust into myself on this one.


----------



## coffee4me

ne9907 said:


> ugh
> I hate feeling sad.
> I am pensive, nostalgic, and oh so very sad...
> 
> I feel as if the love I had with ex at our beginning will never be replicated or even come close to be emulated.
> 
> I am lonely too.


. 

I know the love I had in the beginning with X will never be replicated either because I will never be 18 again, I will never be that trusting again and I'm not the same person I was once upon a time. 

I do believe that when we grow and learn from our experiences that will bring a more mature balanced love into our lives and it can be better and more fulfilling than the old love.


----------



## COGypsy

moxy said:


> Yeah, I'm kind of an odd bird.
> 
> I was drawn to my FWB because he seemed to fit this image of this place I'm in these days: truck, boots, jeans, drawl, swagger; he's got this cowboy thing going on just outside the frame of what he does (he isn't a cowboy). I'm in TX and his Texan-ness was somehow attractive. Helps that he's hot. However, I have never been into cowboys before; it's not like...a thing for me, just happens to be a thing that works in this context. Anyhow, if he suddenly started demonstrating changes from that image, I don't know how my attraction would fare. I'm not sure I'd have been so attracted to him in a different part of the world; I'm very influenced by place.
> 
> My exh was totally different; a very urban product of his city. Strangely, I seem to like accents these days, which is a thing that's probably left over from my feelings for my ex. I don't know.


I didn't know you were in Texas, Moxy! I graduated from Tech, grew up at the main campus and at the med school in El Paso where my dad was on faculty. Where do you teach?

And we don't call the oilfield aroma "toxic". We refer to that particular smell, and the smell of feedlots and cotton gins as the "smell of money". Apparently that makes it more palatable when it hangs in the air for half the year. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

coffee4me said:


> I know the love I had in the beginning with X will never be replicated either because I will never be 18 again, I will never be that trusting again and I'm not the same person I was once upon a time.


Thank God, right? Time for something new


----------



## coffee4me

Jellybeans said:


> Thank God, right? Time for something new


Absolutely!!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> ugh
> I hate feeling sad.
> I am pensive, nostalgic, and oh so very sad...
> 
> I feel as if the love I had with ex at our beginning will never be replicated or even come close to be emulated.
> 
> I am lonely too.


I'm sorry you feel like this, ne. I understand it very well. How long ago did you and your ex split up? Nearly three years for me and, though I try not to admit it or talk about it, I miss him every day. I suggest that you find a way to distract yourself when you feel this way, simply because it takes so very long for the sadness to go away. Go see a movie or read a book. Go get a massage. Go visit a friend. Basically, do something that helps alleviate the emptiness.



bandit.45 said:


> Fridays are always the lonliest days for me.


Why Fridays? 

My grief is not orbital or periodical in any predictable way, it seems; I wish it were, so that I could plan to diffuse it, but it chooses stealth attacks, instead. I never know what day it will hit me. I still cry over the past every now and again. 



coffee4me said:


> .
> 
> I know the love I had in the beginning with X will never be replicated either because I will never be 18 again, I will never be that trusting again and I'm not the same person I was once upon a time.
> 
> I do believe that when we grow and learn from our experiences that will bring a more mature balanced love into our lives and it can be better and more fulfilling than the old love.


It's like a fall from grace or a loss of innocence, in a way, isn't it? After infidelity or failure, it's so hard to every fully believe in anything again. Well, it feels that way to me right now, anyway.

I don't think I believe in "love" as a pure concept anymore. I think one can enjoy another's company and feel strongly for another person, that it can be with or without commitment, but...the word love is pretty much synonymous with fantasy for me, now.  Ugh. I don't like that thought.



COGypsy said:


> I didn't know you were in Texas, Moxy! I graduated from Tech, grew up at the main campus and at the med school in El Paso where my dad was on faculty. Where do you teach?


I'll PM you.



COGypsy said:


> And we don't call the oilfield aroma "toxic". We refer to that particular smell, and the smell of feedlots and cotton gins as the "smell of money". Apparently that makes it more palatable when it hangs in the air for half the year. :rofl:


That is hilarious! I have learned to be at home in it, but every now and again, I think "wtf!?"


----------



## jpr

Ap.....i wasnt accusing you of making fantastical stories up.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm sorry you feel like this, ne. I understand it very well. How long ago did you and your ex split up? Nearly three years for me and, though I try not to admit it or talk about it, I miss him every day. I suggest that you find a way to distract yourself when you feel this way, simply because it takes so very long for the sadness to go away. Go see a movie or read a book. Go get a massage. Go visit a friend. Basically, do something that helps alleviate the emptiness.
> 
> 
> 
> It's like a fall from grace or a loss of innocence, in a way, isn't it? After infidelity or failure, it's so hard to every fully believe in anything again. Well, it feels that way to me right now, anyway.


It has only been a year for me. It sure is a long healing proccess, not only do I feel sad now, but I am starting to feel apprehensive about the future. I am panicky too.

Hmmm, maybe I am having a mini panic attack. But now that I recognize it, i will be able to stop it.

I agree with the loss of innocence. I would love to go back to being 20 and falling in love all over again, then 21 falling in love with ex, feeling that passionate desire for him, but....

*I don't think I believe in "love" as a pure concept anymore. I think one can enjoy another's company and feel strongly for another person, that it can be with or without commitment, but...the word love is pretty much synonymous with fantasy for me, now.  Ugh. I don't like that thought.*

I feel like this. I am such a debbie downer today, man!!!!!!

I just absolutely positive know I will never love again..... bah... feeling so stupidly sorry for myself.... what the hell is wrong with me??? Maybe I am getting my period earlier than normal....


----------



## Another Planet

I hate my ex with a passion ROFL everyday that goes by I want her further and further away! Didn't the majority of us here get betrayed?
Off the top of my head if I remember correctly only Nsweet, Vi, and I absolutely hate our exes lol
You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I hate my ex with a passion ROFL everyday that goes by I want her further and further away! Didn't the majority of us here get betrayed?
> Off the top of my head if I remember correctly only Nsweet, Vi, and I absolutely hate our exes lol
> You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


Now AP, as I recall it was not long ago at all that the two of you were AWFULLY buddy-buddy!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I hate my ex with a passion ROFL everyday that goes by I want her further and further away! Didn't the majority of us here get betrayed?
> Off the top of my head if I remember correctly only Nsweet, Vi, and I absolutely hate our exes lol
> You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


yep he betrayed me and lied on numerous occasions. Sad thing is, he is now becoming a better person, now that I do not want to be with him.

So instead of being sad, i am going to be freaking awesome!!!!!!!!

I am going horse back riding tomorrow! THen if I feel like it, going to stop at a friend's winery for a wine festival!! Lots of food, lots of wine!!!

I stayed over last night and let me tell you guys.... that place is so beautifully enchanting!

for disclosure purposes, she is a girl friend who is house sitting the main house at the winery!


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> I hate my ex with a passion ROFL everyday that goes by I want her further and further away! Didn't the majority of us here get betrayed?
> Off the top of my head if I remember correctly only Nsweet, Vi, and I absolutely hate our exes lol
> You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


Ex was always loyal, we seperated due to our frequent fights and irreconcilable differences. Now even though she may be a spoiled manipulative guilt-tripping evangelical nymphomaniac demanding princess but, she hasn't done enough to warrant my hatred.

If anything we're very civil now and she still has my respect as the mother of my child. Anyways the only problem I have with her right now is that she still refuses to assume responsibility of her part in the divorce and won't sign her half of the form.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Now AP, as I recall it was not long ago at all that the two of you were AWFULLY buddy-buddy!


I know, it was a huge mistake. Like I said every day that goes by.....



jpr said:


> Ap.....i wasnt accusing you of making fantastical stories up.


Not fantastic in a good way. I hate some of the things I have done.


----------



## coffee4me

Another Planet said:


> You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


I could hate him but it would only damage me further. To hate someone you spent 25 years with is to hate yourself for making that choice to stay with that person.


----------



## COGypsy

Could this afternoon GO any more slowly? I think that every clock around me must be broken....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Could this afternoon GO any more slowly? I think that every clock around me must be broken....


Spot on. My coworker and I just had (what seemed like a long conversation but in actually wasnt very long at all) conversation about this very subject.

Gawd, hurry up day.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I hate my ex with a passion ROFL everyday that goes by I want her further and further away! Didn't the majority of us here get betrayed?
> Off the top of my head if I remember correctly only Nsweet, Vi, and I absolutely hate our exes lol
> You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


The opposite of love isnt hate... its indifference. .. if you hate her is means residual feelings are left
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> The opposite of love isnt hate... its indifference. .. if you hate her is means residual feelings are left
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nicely said lady!


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Nicely said lady!


Thanks lon 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

I agree! I suppose it's different if you're stuck with someone because you had kids, but really the only time I think about my ex is when comments like these pop up. It's only been a couple of years but it all seems so long ago. Granted he was pretty useless as a husband, so it's not like having him around was too much different than not having him around, but it's just a chapter well and truly closed. It would suck to be all emotional about something so dead and gone.


----------



## Lon

argh, there is a new member on TAM with the same name as I but with a numerical suffix. And there are some eerie similarities to my own situation (though some major different ones too).

Hope he is ok, I think I'm going to stay off his thread to 1) avoid confusion 2) avoid weird triggers of seeing my name being used like that!


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> argh, there is a new member on TAM with the same name as I but with a numerical suffix. And there are some eerie similarities to my own situation (though some major different ones too).
> 
> Hope he is ok, I think I'm going to stay off his thread to 1) avoid confusion 2) avoid weird triggers of seeing my name being used like that!


Its is always weird when that happens and I see another Unsure... I wasnt thinking when I picked my name it was just they way I felt at the one moment in time....now im stuck with it...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> The opposite of love isnt hate... its indifference. .. if you hate her is means residual feelings are left
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really have no idea how not to hate her, she is a terrible person and just rotten to the core. The other day in front of the kids she told me she is taking our case back to the FOC and that she only cares about the money not our kids and how she has bills to pay.
She is really just a terrible person.


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> argh, there is a new member on TAM with the same name as I but with a numerical suffix. And there are some eerie similarities to my own situation (though some major different ones too).
> 
> Hope he is ok, I think I'm going to stay off his thread to 1) avoid confusion 2) avoid weird triggers of seeing my name being used like that!



That is wacky.


----------



## bandit.45

Two more hours to date with Real Estate lady!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

the match guy just casually asked me out, we are still emailing back and forth on match. He hasnt asked for my number.

I am a huge nerd, I love xmen, spiderman, superman, (except Batman!), any kind of superhero flick, anything sci fi, well... yeah
So anyway I mentioned i cannot wait to watch Xmen: the last stand.

and well, he asked when I was coming to town, and "maybe we can go watch Xmen".

I am a bit dissapointed, yes I do love Xmen, but I was hoping for something more mature. lol

I will ask him for coffee for sometime this weekend if he is available.

He has a 14 year old son who lives full time with him.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Its is always weird when that happens and I see another Unsure... I wasnt thinking when I picked my name it was just they way I felt at the one moment in time....now im stuck with it...lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is even weirder because the title of his thread is "unsure what to do" lol.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I really have no idea how not to hate her, she is a terrible person and just rotten to the core. The other day in front of the kids she told me she is taking our case back to the FOC and that she only cares about the money not our kids and how she has bills to pay.
> She is really just a terrible person.


Time makes it go away and accepting that you cannot control their actions, they make their choices... I call it being zen about it now... I used to get all bent everytime blues didnt pay child support or blew off his kid... now its not even worth my emotional energy to get upset about it most of the time (dont get me wrong once an in a while he gets under my skin)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> It is even weirder because the title of his thread is "unsure what to do" lol.


Hahahah... oooo now ill have to go read it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Like right now... blues was supposed to pick up my son at 330... its now 545 and he hasnt even left his place yet... used to get all bent, its intruding on my plans and my son is asking where daddy is... nothing I can do about it, so I just go zen and enjoy the extra time with my son
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> the match guy just casually asked me out, we are still emailing back and forth on match. He hasnt asked for my number.
> 
> 
> 
> I am a huge nerd, I love xmen, spiderman, superman, (except Batman!), any kind of superhero flick, anything sci fi, well... yeah
> 
> So anyway I mentioned i cannot wait to watch Xmen: the last stand.
> 
> 
> 
> and well, he asked when I was coming to town, and "maybe we can go watch Xmen".
> 
> 
> 
> I am a bit dissapointed, yes I do love Xmen, but I was hoping for something more mature. lol
> 
> 
> 
> I will ask him for coffee for sometime this weekend if he is available.
> 
> 
> 
> He has a 14 year old son who lives full time with him.



Why is that disappointing? You're setting yourself up to fail if you expect it all to be big and romantic, no? You wanna see the movie; so does he, so...why not see it together?


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Like right now... blues was supposed to pick up my son at 330... its now 545 and he hasnt even left his place yet... used to get all bent, its intruding on my plans and my son is asking where daddy is... nothing I can do about it, so I just go zen and enjoy the extra time with my son
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Great attitude to have!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Time makes it go away and accepting that you cannot control their actions, they make their choices... I call it being zen about it now... I used to get all bent everytime blues didnt pay child support or blew off his kid... now its not even worth my emotional energy to get upset about it most of the time (dont get me wrong once an in a while he gets under my skin)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





unsure78 said:


> Like right now... blues was supposed to pick up my son at 330... its now 545 and he hasnt even left his place yet... used to get all bent, its intruding on my plans and my son is asking where daddy is... nothing I can do about it, so I just go zen and enjoy the extra time with my son
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry about your ex.
I would honestly keep paying her to stay out of my kids lives. They are already with me 5-7 days a week. I pick them up from school every single day, do homework, feed them, bathe them then their mom shows up at 6:30-7:30 to pick them up Mon-Wed and every other weekend so they can spend the night with her(because that's all the FOC cares about).
I would take them full time in a heart beat. My house is their rock and their safe place, they will always be welcome 100% of the time here.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> and well, he asked when I was coming to town, and "maybe we can go watch Xmen".
> 
> I am a bit dissapointed, yes I do love Xmen, but I was hoping for something more mature. lol


:scratchhead:

What's so immature about xmen?

Heck, I'm more looking forward to THIS:
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 - Official Trailer - YouTube

And going to watch my daughter go into a new craze - one that I can approve - as I'm sick of her Frozen craze!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I'm sorry about your ex.
> I would honestly keep paying her to stay out of my kids lives. They are already with me 5-7 days a week. I pick them up from school every single day, do homework, feed them, bathe them then their mom shows up at 6:30-7:30 to pick them up Mon-Wed and every other weekend so they can spend the night with her(because that's all the FOC cares about).
> I would take them full time in a heart beat. My house is their rock and their safe place, they will always be welcome 100% of the time here.


Its ok.. thanks though Another... you sound like you are doing a good job with your kids, someone being the stable reliable parent is important. ... you will get there with the zen, it just takes time..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Why is that disappointing? You're setting yourself up to fail if you expect it all to be big and romantic, no? You wanna see the movie; so does he, so...why not see it together?


Yea totally agree with moxy on this... if you both want to see it why not?

Its not what you do its who you are with that counts 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

According to Match, "I am getting too many emails from people who do not match me" ..... lol
Maybe I should listen to match.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> According to Match, "I am getting too many emails from people who do not match me" ..... lol
> Maybe I should listen to match.


That's really weird. Do you need to fill out some kind of survey to help your compatibility scores (or whatever it is they use to determine match-worthiness)? Or, are they going by the way you rate people? I don't use Match.com (I decided to try out OKStupid, as shooboomafoo calls it), so I'm not sure what that feedback means. However, based on your last match-up (Mr. Down by the River; you deserve soooo much better than that kind of a date), you might want to give less people a chance.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> That's really weird. Do you need to fill out some kind of survey to help your compatibility scores (or whatever it is they use to determine match-worthiness)? Or, are they going by the way you rate people? I don't use Match.com (I decided to try out OKStupid, as shooboomafoo calls it), so I'm not sure what that feedback means. However, based on your last match-up (Mr. Down by the River; you deserve soooo much better than that kind of a date), you might want to give less people a chance.


haha Mr. down by the river lol, 

Not sure really. Every rate I get, I decline to be honest. Once I begin talking to someone I sort of follow it through, and have been talking to this one guy since last sunday.

We will see if he is worthy of a nickname. 
Oh yeah, we are going for drinks tomorrow night as I am coming to town in the afternoon.

He has Irish ancestry, but it is too early to name him.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> haha Mr. down by the river lol,
> 
> Not sure really. Every rate I get, I decline to be honest. Once I begin talking to someone I sort of follow it through, and have been talking to this one guy since last sunday.
> 
> We will see if he is worthy of a nickname.
> Oh yeah, we are going for drinks tomorrow night as I am coming to town in the afternoon.
> 
> He has Irish ancestry, but it is too early to name him.


So, do you talk to more than one guy at the same time or just one guy at a time? 

I have been talking two 3 different people on my website: one was the date that didn't work out recently, one is a guy that really wanted to meet me but who is now going to be out of town a whole lot on the days that I am actually in town, and one is a guy who lives nearby me and who talks to me a lot but who hasn't asked me to get together. I'm seeing no long term potential in any of these; of course, that might be because I seem to be enjoying my time (time which is running out) with FWB, when we have it, but it might not be that reason. I can't say I have had much luck with the online thing, either. I've had more luck in person. 

Good luck on your date with Irish! Have you guys arranged a place to meet already? I hope this one is a good one!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> So, do you talk to more than one guy at the same time or just one guy at a time?
> 
> I have been talking two 3 different people on my website: one was the date that didn't work out recently, one is a guy that really wanted to meet me but who is now going to be out of town a whole lot on the days that I am actually in town, and one is a guy who lives nearby me and who talks to me a lot but who hasn't asked me to get together. I'm seeing no long term potential in any of these; of course, that might be because I seem to be enjoying my time (time which is running out) with FWB, when we have it, but it might not be that reason. I can't say I have had much luck with the online thing, either. I've had more luck in person.
> 
> Good luck on your date with Irish! Have you guys arranged a place to meet already? I hope this one is a good one!


At the moment, I am talking with this one guy every day. 
I still talk to another guy I friendzoned a while ago. 

I haven't been very lucky on match, I am not physically attracted to most of the people who email me.
I have liked a few, but they never initiate contact.

Yes, hopefully the date goes well. Physically, he is not what I normally would go for, but I am trying something new


----------



## RandomDude

That's the blessing and curse with FWBs; it robs you of the interest to meet others. After having my FWB back I'm quite happy to take a break. Until at least of course she finds the heart to try dating again.



> At the moment, I am talking with this one guy every day.
> I still talk to another guy I friendzoned a while ago.


Lol! Poor thing!


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Thank God, right? Time for something new


Amen! Something better, more grounded and more team like. Oh, and a hell of a lot more trust.
:smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> I hate my ex with a passion ROFL everyday that goes by I want her further and further away! Didn't the majority of us here get betrayed?
> Off the top of my head if I remember correctly only Nsweet, Vi, and I absolutely hate our exes lol
> You all seem to still have a place for them that you keep intact. I don't miss anything about her. If it wasn't for my 2 wonderful children with her I would want to never have met her, but it also disgusts me that my kids have to have her as a mother.


Add me to your list, my friend. I work every day to diffuse it. Not for him, for me. Hate is destructive. I am working toward apathy. If I never see the ****er again, that would be just wonderful. As long as the checks continue to roll in...


----------



## Fenix

unsure78 said:


> The opposite of love isnt hate... its indifference. .. if you hate her is means residual feelings are left
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


People say that but I don't buy it. Those are two different continuums.




And I really need to learn to multiquote...


----------



## movealong

Today I join this list, lol!

The paperwork is filed and waiting to be finalized, and she is moving out this morning. I have some mixed emotions, but the overriding feeling is relief.

It is time to movealong.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Went out on the date last night, it went well and then this morning she told me that she felt I was keeping my options open.

So I let her know if that's the way she felt, I wished her the best.

And that's the end of that.


----------



## Dollystanford

Well of course you're keeping your options open, it was the first date

What did she want, a ring and a proposal?


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Add me to your list, my friend. I work every day to diffuse it. Not for him, for me. Hate is destructive. I am working toward apathy. If I never see the ****er again, that would be just wonderful. As long as the checks continue to roll in...


Well it isn't like I sit and dwell on my hatred for her so it doesn't consume me or anything. I just can't stand her tangible and mental presence in my life. She just fcks **** up, like everything she is involved in. 
I could ignore her and be apathetic and pretend like she doesn't exist but that would be ignorant, I literally have to always be aware of her because if not she will purposely destroy my life. 
She is one of those exes that lives to see me squirm. When you talk about all the different languages of love she feels love from making others hurt and suffer. 



Fenix said:


> People say that but I don't buy it. Those are two different continuums.
> 
> And I really need to learn to multiquote...


Just hit multi on every post you want to quote then on the last post hit multi and quote and you will have all the posts in one


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> Well of course you're keeping your options open, it was the first date
> 
> What did she want, a ring and a proposal?


Not sure, she's allowed her opinion and I'm not going to debate it (nor over think it). 

This birthday boy fvcking killed it at the gym all week and got recognized for my dedication. So I'm going to take that and enjoy life, plus get wrecked tonight!


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Not sure, she's allowed her opinion and I'm not going to debate it (nor over think it).
> 
> She seems to be following a pace that differs from yours. I know you were looking forward to your date; I'm sorry that it didn't quite go the way you had hoped. However, you seem pretty clear-headed about it, which is great!
> 
> 
> 
> 06Daddio08 said:
> 
> 
> 
> This birthday boy fvcking killed it at the gym all week and got recognized for my dedication. So I'm going to take that and enjoy life, plus get wrecked tonight!
> 
> 
> 
> That's awesome. And, Happy Birthday!
Click to expand...


----------



## Dollystanford

I hate my ex. I don't think it's unhealthy at all - my hatred fuels and inspires my desire to get stuff done


----------



## 06Daddio08

I was really looking forward to the date, she's the first woman I clicked with personality wise since I started to get out there more.

I have nothing negative to say about her and if it didn't feel right for her that's within her right. No over analyzing or stressing out on my end, deleted her number and all our communications.


----------



## jpr

I hate my ex when I think about what he did.


...but, then sometimes I feel sorry for him too...because he is a miserable and selfish human being.

His grad student-turned affair partner-turned girlfriend recently moved back here for the summer. She is living with him.

I usually don't think much about them...but, knowing that she will be spending time with my son every other weekend stirs up a lot of hatred in me.

Knowing that she exists reminds me that there are people in this world capable of what she did. ...and I don't want to me reminded of that. I hate that she is a part of my son's life...which, in a way, makes her a part of mine.

I wish she would just go away.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> No over analyzing or stressing out on my end, deleted her number and all our communications.


Really? That was quick! I guess that once you know your own mind about something, it's easy to follow through quickly. As a relatively indecisive (when it comes to social concerns) person, I find that I am amazed by this.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I hate my ex. I don't think it's unhealthy at all - my hatred fuels and inspires my desire to get stuff done


I'm not sure if I hate my ex anymore. Over the last few months I've come to realize that I needed to find a balance of indifference while still protecting my interests and the kids as well.

I found that by treating her like a stranger but with anger really messed up my internal balance. I'm much more "let it go" and internally happy so I act that way now.

S6 had a birthday party with the ex and her family on Thursday. I went there with the birthday cake and dressed my casual self (tank top).

Last week I felt a bit anxious about going into her place after she just got back from a week long trip with internet boyfriend, to her credit she didn't talk much about the trip while I was around. When I did come into the room she killed the conversation and I can respect that.

While outside I was talking with ex fil and there were a bunch of kids running around (she lives in assisted living). He said "it might not be the best area but it's better than nothing." I didn't even reply, it's not my concern where she lives.

I took in all the compliments on not only the cake but my physical appearance and went home content.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Went out on the date last night, it went well and then this morning she told me that she felt I was keeping my options open.
> 
> So I let her know if that's the way she felt, I wished her the best.
> 
> And that's the end of that.





06Daddio08 said:


> Not sure, she's allowed her opinion and I'm not going to debate it (nor over think it).
> 
> This birthday boy fvcking killed it at the gym all week and got recognized for my dedication. So I'm going to take that and enjoy life, plus get wrecked tonight!





06Daddio08 said:


> I was really looking forward to the date, she's the first woman I clicked with personality wise since I started to get out there more.
> 
> I have nothing negative to say about her and if it didn't feel right for her that's within her right. No over analyzing or stressing out on my end, deleted her number and all our communications.


That's pretty hard core! lol
BUT I totally understand because I am a deletist also. I have to just erase you and move on, I don't leave anything. It is the only way I have found to not be bothered anymore by something.

Honestly she is probably just tired of being played by dudes who just want a lay...but that's not your problem.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Really? That was quick! I guess that once you know your own mind about something, it's easy to follow through quickly. As a relatively indecisive (when it comes to social concerns) person, I find that I am amazed by this.


She made the decision, I'm not going to argue her over it and I'm not "reaching out" a week from now if I happen to get a bit lonely. 

A couple months ago I went on a date and she didn't contact me when she said she would. After 2 days I deleted her info.

I don't remember phone numbers, online usernames, emails or anything (I make a point of this) and if it doesn't turn into anything I delete it all.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Honestly she is probably just tired of being played by dudes who just want a lay...but that's not your problem.


Even that's assuming and I didn't even consider it.


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> I wish she would just go away.


I have a shovel.


But in all honesty, yes I would hate her too. Whenever I see a photo of ex's AP, I want to vomit....


----------



## jpr

She was probably trying to open up a conversation about how you feel about her, Up.

I understand that you might not want to play those sorts of "games"....where you beat around the bush. But, most people, in the beginning of a dating relationship have feelings of insecurity. It might have been her way of guaging your feelings for her. She might have been looking for some feedback from you.


It wasn't the most assertive way of going about it. But, I feel for her, because I sort of know where she is coming from.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> She was probably trying to open up a conversation about how you feel about her, Up.
> 
> I understand that you might not want to play those sorts of "games"....where you beat around the bush. But, most people, in the beginning of a dating relationship have feelings of insecurity. It might have been her way of guaging your feelings for her. She might have been looking for some feedback from you.
> 
> 
> It wasn't the most assertive way of going about it. But, I feel for her, because I sort of know where she is coming from.


I'm aware of that, I let her know how I felt yesterday and I'm not the type to shower praises. But yes, I'm not into trying to convince women that I do indeed like them.

If I end up being single for another 2 years so be it.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Well it isn't like I sit and dwell on my hatred for her so it doesn't consume me or anything. I just can't stand her tangible and mental presence in my life. She just fcks **** up, like everything she is involved in.
> I could ignore her and be apathetic and pretend like she doesn't exist but that would be ignorant, I literally have to always be aware of her because if not she will purposely destroy my life.
> She is one of those exes that lives to see me squirm. When you talk about all the different languages of love she feels love from making others hurt and suffer.
> 
> 
> 
> Just hit multi on every post you want to quote then on the last post hit multi and quote and you will have all the posts in one


Thank you!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I have a shovel.
> 
> But in all honesty, yes I would hate her too. Whenever I see a photo of ex's AP, I want to vomit....


I never understood being mad at the affair partner, they weren't the ones committed to you. 
A matter of fact they would have made a perfect couple and they should have ran away together like they said they were going to, all of us especially the kids would have been so much better off.

For the most part I am not upset at my exwifes affair partner. Actually I would like to shake his hand for helping me out of that sham of a marriage, I would like to laugh in his face for falling for her pile off bullship, but I would throat chop him because of what he did to my kids and his. Disgusting sad excuse of a man.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Oh my ex wife's affair partner is a pos and it's in his best interest to treat my kids like royalty. Especially if he ends up moving into my city.


----------



## jpr

Yeah....i have a history with my ex. I don't like him, but sometimes I still care about his welfare. I worked through my hatred for him. I had to, because of my kid.

I never bothered to work through that with his pos Tart. She ruthlessly pursued a married man with a pregnant wife at home. She is disgusting.

It bothers me that this disgusting and ugly human being will be tucking my son in at night.


I just wish Sasquatch would find someone else. 

But, he is no prize. I'm sure she is probably the best he can get.


----------



## jpr

Wow ...i do sound hateful....don't I??

I guess there is still a lot of hate and malice there.


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> I hate my ex. I don't think it's unhealthy at all - my hatred fuels and inspires my desire to get stuff done


There are actually a lot of women in my past who I despise more than my ex. She was who she was. I knew who she was when I married her and I accept that responsibility. 

I've had many ex girlfriends misrepresent who they were. They were good actresses, and used me and threw me away when they were done with me. Those are the ones that make my bile rise when I think of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> Wow ...i do sound hateful....don't I??
> 
> I guess there is still a lot of hate and malice there.


Go kick something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Had a nice friendly date last night. A good meal and good talk and good female company. No sex and that was a good thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Yeah....i have a history with my ex. I don't like him, but sometimes I still care about his welfare. I worked through my hatred for him. I had to, because of my kid.
> 
> I never bothered to work through that with his pos Tart. *She ruthlessly pursued a married man with a pregnant wife at home. She is disgusting.*
> 
> It bothers me that this disgusting and ugly human being will be tucking my son in at night.
> .


That's my exwife! She not only pursued another womans husband while the other woman was pregnant but it was her best friends husband ROFL and my exwife even got prego at the same time!!! 

You know what's really fcked up? If she didn't go to the clinic for an abortion in Michigan when she had that child it legally would have been mine because we were married. Isn't that just awesome? 



bandit.45 said:


> Go kick something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL violence is not the answer...but maybe if you want to kick the last pile of dirt on her grave that would be alright


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Had a nice friendly date last night. A good meal and good talk and good female company. No sex and that was a good thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That sounds joyful. Every now and again, we need things other than sex in our lives.


----------



## ne9907

I have drinks with new guy tonight, I am not nervous or overly excited... weird!


----------



## moxy

I don't hate my exh, though I feel a lot of anger toward him, the APs, though, the thought of them raises in me a sadistic ferocity and fury I'd like to pretend I don't possess.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I have drinks with new guy tonight, I am not nervous or overly excited... weird!



Good Luck with Mr. Irish.


----------



## Fenix

I dislike the AP(s) but the hatred is reserved for the X. Still, having said that, I would blow up if I discovered one was going to be in my children's lives. The one I know the most about is a pretty useless human being; weak, stupid and immoral, all covered up in pretty frosting. blech.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I don't hate my exh, though I feel a lot of anger toward him, the APs, though, the thought of them raises in me a sadistic ferocity and fury I'd like to pretend I don't possess.


:iagree:


----------



## muskrat

I try not to think about my ex or my now former best friend. They both betrayed me. One was a 30 year friendship and the other promised to stand by me for better or worse. I have developed a zen like mindset towards them.
This song sums it up pretty well. Sometimes you have to just let it go.

Edit: since I seem to be having issues posting a link, the song is Let it go by the Zac Brown Band.


----------



## coffee4me

Let It Go By The Zac Brown Band With Lyrics - YouTube


----------



## unsure78

exh zen mindset mostly, but i see him all the time, if i kept the anger i would only be hurting myself in the end...

OW that i have some anger on, she new she was playing with a married man with a small child... and i havent had to deal with her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I really don't hate my ex. It's like that song..."somebody I used to know" whenever I think about him.

Anyways, having a great time, pretty sure my gf nailed the interview. Watching a live band which is amazing, lots of hot hot HOT guys up here, if it wasn't that time of the month I def would be getting laid this weekend, lol


----------



## moxy

...


----------



## Another Planet

....


----------



## jpr

I can't tell you how nice it is to know that other people feel the same way that I do about the "other woman/man".

I know it has been 2 years, and some people tell me that I should just forgive her and be at peace with the fact that she is going to be in my son's life for the foresee-able future.

...but, well, ...If I am honest with myself, I hate that fact.  

But, also, I have no control over it. So, I mostly just try not to obsess about it.

If I didn't have to deal with her and or my ex, then I would completely delete them from my brain. ....in fact, I don't care that my ex and her are still together. I just wish I didn't have to listen to my son say her name in his goodnight prayers. ...it is a little pain in my heart every time he mentions The Tart's name. 

I am not at peace with that...not totally. ...and I don't really think I ever will be. However, I don't let it consume me, either. 

I know Sasquatch wants us all to be one happy family...me, my boyfriend, his Tart, and him.  He wants 'all to be forgiven'. That is not going to happen. All is not forgiven...and I am at peace with the fact that it doesn't have to all be forgiven.

I am allowed to not like certain people...and I am allowed to try to limit their presence in my life as much as possible.


----------



## Another Planet

A lot of it for me is about the kids and the selfishness by her and OM. I have emails where they discuss all of our kids and suing her best friend and I for full custody to get max child support so neither of them have to work ever again. Using all the kids as paychecks, there would have been 7 kids total.

It is not just that it's a direct stab at me but they were attacking their children's parents with out taking into consideration how that effects the kids long term mental health. All the kids were best friends for quite a few years they almost grew up together and they don't understand why they don't get to play together anymore, it hurts me to see their confusion and it hurts me more to know how they are going to feel when they grow up and figure everything out for themselves of why they are in broken families and why their childhood friendships were severed.
And it just infuriates me that my kids have to have her as an example, how my daughter is now exposed to this and might play the same roles out as her mother and how my son might look for someone like her...ohhh man just thinking about that makes my blood boil!

But I also have emails of them discussing the two of them just dumping the families and running away to Florida or somewhere else...which would have honestly been the best case scenario. Better then my ex and I staying together and way better then their other plan of just annihilating their spouses.

The premeditated destruction they had planned for his wife and I was just so very very disturbing, the details of everything and how they were going to pull it off is just out of this world. They had malicious purpose with a passion like a psychopath does, like a serial murder SMH

So in conclusion no I will probably never be able to not hate her. She is the most evil person I have ever met.


----------



## bandit.45

Man that sucks AP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Yeah AP, that is brutal how conniving she is. In both of their plans the best interests of the kids were never important at all to them... So completely irresponsible.

In my case, my ex had her affairs, lived the single life hard for a few months and decided what she was truly attracted to (because to her that is the utmost important factor which trumps every other decision and need and which guides her). Now less than 3 years from separating she is remarried to a guy whom apart from choosing a sh! Tty woman is by all means a great and responsible guy. But whom I just don't want to respect all that much even though he treats my son well and shows a lot of respect for me. And I kind of hate her for that, am anticipating the day she loses attraction for him and dumps his sorry ass, and I feel terrible that my son will lose yet another major part of his world.


----------



## ne9907

My date went well last night, he looked just like his pictures which was a plus. No spark.

I had a good dream that I am trying very hard to remember.
This dream made me very happy! and now a bit sad because it isn't real.


----------



## Pbartender

Pbartender said:


> My Ex finally refinanced the mortgage.


I spoke too soon.



Letter I Got In The Mail Yesterday said:


> Dear PBARTENDER and WICKED WITCH OF THE MIDWEST:
> 
> Printed above is the name of your Dedicated Loan Specialist. This person will serve as your single point of contact to help explore available options that could help you avoid foreclosure...
> 
> ...yadda, yadda, yadda...
> 
> Sincerely, Loss Mitigation Department
> Mortgage Company LLC


----------



## ne9907

Pbartender said:


> I spoke too soon.


I am so sorry


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> My date went well last night, he looked just like his pictures which was a plus. No spark.
> 
> 
> 
> I had a good dream that I am trying very hard to remember.
> 
> This dream made me very happy! and now a bit sad because it isn't real.



It's a good thing that it went well. Why no spark? What were your impressions of the guy? Do you think you'll go out again or did your interest just fall flat in your opinion? 

Do you keep a dream journal? It becomes easier to recall dreams if you're in the habit of jotting them down.


----------



## moxy

AP, it's awful to hear what your ex and her affair partner were plotting. Thank goodness things didn't go in a way that would've harmed the kids and you (further, that is).

PBartender, that sucks! Good luck with getting it resolved, soon.

I'm a little blue because I think fun times with my guy have reached their endpoint. We had an amazing night earlier in the week and that was that. No goodbyes or anything. And, it seems that he's more or less moved now. I kinda wish he'd said goodbye, but he also knows that we're both in the city often, so maybe his "see you later" meant just that; more likely, things have run their course. I expected it and we both knew what we were doing, but I'm a little sad anyway. My weekends will be a lot less sexy for a while. I guess that just gives me more time for working out and more time for writing -- both of which I need to spend time on. No one else on my online site has really caught my attention beyond the guy I'm supposed to see in a couple of weeks (I'm guessing that won't really pan out) and the guy with whom things totally didn't work (who still texts me sometimes; so who knows? I might just want the sex enough to ignore the rest; I might just step back and let it go). I have to say that I liked FWB more than the others, though, and because of my foolish feelings I'm inclined to force my recent nymphomania into hiatus for a while and just work on other things.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Oh Moxy, please please please dont hook up with that one jerk! You shouldnt even be talking to him, I think he is dangerous!  (and NOT in a good way!)


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> It's a good thing that it went well. Why no spark? What were your impressions of the guy? Do you think you'll go out again or did your interest just fall flat in your opinion?
> 
> Do you keep a dream journal? It becomes easier to recall dreams if you're in the habit of jotting them down.


I will keep a journal of my dreams, I used to have one a long time ago, but ex had the habit of reading my journals and diary so I stopped.

WEll, no spark because of my own desires in a mate. I got over my rebound sex with blue eyes so now am looking for something that has long term potential. He does not have it.
He has been married three times, he has multiple health problems (I could overlook that), he had 1 DUI (I could over look that), he loves online video games too much, he smokes and has to intention of quitting, and he mentioned several exes of his on at least three occasions.
On the plus side, he is very polite, has a good job, has plans for the future, is a veteran (yay).
I could possibly go out on a date with him again, but definitely no long term potential.
My dream last night, was about an old boyfriend who I had been stuck on since ex and I split up. We were walking uphill on a cobblestone road, he was smiling at me and holding my hand. I could feel the love between us. There were so many people walking up and down this road, big tall buildings on the right side and a cliff on the left. 
After we walked for a while, smiled at me, walked away and disappeared. 
I could not find him. But it really didn't matter because I could still feel the love he has for me.



moxy said:


> .
> 
> I'm a little blue because I think fun times with my guy have reached their endpoint. We had an amazing night earlier in the week and that was that. No goodbyes or anything. And, it seems that he's more or less moved now. I kinda wish he'd said goodbye, but he also knows that we're both in the city often, so maybe his "see you later" meant just that; more likely, things have run their course. *I expected it and we both knew what we were doing, but I'm a little sad anyway*. My weekends will be a lot less sexy for a while. I guess that just gives me more time for working out and more time for writing -- both of which I need to spend time on. No one else on my online site has really caught my attention beyond the guy I'm supposed to see in a couple of weeks (I'm guessing that won't really pan out) and the guy with whom things totally didn't work (who still texts me sometimes; so who knows? I might just want the sex enough to ignore the rest; I might just step back and let it go). I have to say that I liked FWB more than the others, though, and because of my foolish feelings I'm inclined to force my recent nymphomania into hiatus for a while and just work on other things.


This is what sucks about FWB, they end too quickly, and feelings always surface. That really is bad because your cowboy sounded sexy as hell!!! I would have fallen head over heels for him 

What website is this you talk about?


----------



## RandomDude

> and feelings always surface


Ey?

For ladies maybe


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Ey?
> 
> 
> 
> For ladies maybe



Sometimes for men, too. I've been on the flip side before, where someone else wanted more and Zi wanted things casual. It's not gender specific thing. Guys are humans, too. Humans have feelings, and sometimes they don't choose what those feelings are.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Sometimes for men, too. *I've been on the flip side before, where someone else wanted more and Zi wanted things casual. *It's not gender specific thing. Guys are humans, too. Humans have feelings, and sometimes they don't choose what those feelings are.


Yup, same here.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> Yup, same here.


That's cuz FWB is not natural, at least not as ongoing situation.


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> That's cuz FWB is not natural, at least not as ongoing situation.



I suppose it's not. People get involved after a time; their paths entwine and their perspectives shift in accordance with those adjustments. Repeated connections just amplify changes...and feelings of attachment.


----------



## whitehawk

Oh God , wish l didn't read the last few pages , so sorry about some of the ex situations with some of you guys.

Makes me think l almost should b grateful for for the respect my ex's treats me with and her fairness on - well everything really but especially wanting d and l to have as stronger relationship as poss and doing everything she can to encourage that.
l often think hell yeah , l should be grateful even if l keep it to myself.

But then , she blew up her family and 18yrs didn't she and - she started seeing om. Which is a joke and even she admitted that was just a support thing it was about us and nothing to do with him.
They're a joke anyway , not only is he the strangest looking fk l've ever seen and she's sold herself sooooo short- but l only have to walk into the room and ex and l would still talk ex and their thing , under the table without even getting warmed up and even under these circumstances .

So , maybe should be grateful when l read some of the other crap going on .
Rant over , back to single business :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Actually there ain't no single business because l'm happily on holidays , or l was .
But check this out :scratchhead:
l set my date site for noooo emails through to my phone right , because l want a holiday. l never use their app so l can in theory just click no emails from within the site and l shouldn't get emails through to my phone right - WRONG.

lt's like the fkg site thought , no emails , wtf , we'll fix you - and their app is now on my phone , somehow 

So when l check my normal email my date site emails come through to and - guess what . There's two new girls contacted me - which , l shouldn't even know about anyway because l supposedly stopped their emails.

But that's not the real problem , the biggie is that one of them looks really nice .
l'm on holiday but , how am l to resist going in and well , getting myself all hot and bothered and messed up again with her in there waiting for me ?

Been thinking it over for 3 days now !


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> But that's not the real problem , the biggie is that one of them looks really nice .
> l'm on holiday but , how am l to resist going in and well , getting myself all hot and bothered and messed up again with her in there waiting for me ?
> 
> Been thinking it over for 3 days now !


Oh, for heaven's sakes! Three days? Just do it.


----------



## unsure78

2galsmom said:


> Don't worry about "sparks."
> You had "sparks" with a narcissist.
> 
> It takes a long time and a lot of self-introspection to break a pattern of attraction which may be seated deep in your childhood.
> 
> Looked like picture - check
> Date went well - check
> 
> Stay healthy ne! I hope things are going better for you.


I agree with 2gals on this... the instant spark doesn't always go so well for ones like us... attraction can be built over time ans getting to know someone...

though reading your description of him... D 3 times and DUI yea I would say pass...


----------



## Jellybeans

The problem is when the "spark" never comes. 

I am a firm believer in that there should at least be a little "zing." Otherwise, that's what friends are for.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> That's my exwife! She not only pursued another womans husband while the other woman was pregnant but it was her best friends husband ROFL and my exwife even got prego at the same time!!!


I thought your wife had an open type relationship with that couple and you? :scratchhead:


----------



## 06Daddio08

"spark"

/puke


----------



## Dollystanford

Spark = I would really like to have sex with you. On the table preferably


----------



## 06Daddio08

In my opinion, the whole "spark" thing is just another way to cultivate the growing acceptance of short attention spans (it's everywhere socially now). I'm not discrediting that attraction is important but damn.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> Spark = I would really like to have sex with you. On the table preferably


No spark at all = I do not want to have sex with you. At all.


----------



## unsure78

Yeah you do need something there.. just for me spark can sometimes come on a second or third date... 

but i know if nothing is there at all right away and that = no sex


----------



## Jellybeans

Exactly. 

And the thing for me is if it's dead in the water the first time we hang, etc, it rarely ever happens in the future.

Unsure, have you heard from Slow at all?

The guy I kissed who I felt nothing with invited me out this weekend but I said no, as I had plans. Ran into Mr. Ex Jelly yesterday while out at dinner.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> In my opinion, the whole "spark" thing is just another way to cultivate the growing acceptance of short attention spans (it's everywhere socially now). I'm not discrediting that attraction is important but damn.



Your right it is. The thing is , talk about stating the fkg obvious , l just don't get why they insist on blurting it out all over their profiles . Umm , no brainer l would've thought.

Besides , l often think the ones that do blurt it out like that all through their profiles have never had a spark in their lives anyway . 
A lot of them sound like it's just something they read about in a mag.
l dunno


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Exactly.
> 
> And the thing for me is if it's dead in the water the first time we hang, etc, it rarely ever happens in the future.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah l've always found exactly that myself.
> lf it ain't pretty well immediate with me then it's pretty well a done deal.
> 
> Although , lately l have scratched my head about that stuff a bit because you know what . 90% of the marriages around me that have survived are actually about the tamest couples you could find , even the oddest couples l've noticed.
> Where as they all thought we were about the only ones that would survive yet here we are , kaput .
> 
> Maybe slow low key stuff has something. The brightest flame burns quickest and all that stuff .


----------



## 06Daddio08

At times I forget where I'm posting, everything refers to getting laid and how dire it is.


----------



## whitehawk

One things for sure.

l've really been wondering lately if it's even possible for me to find someone that would knock my socks of these days.
People , women , probably guys to to the women , they change so much with age .
There's so many factors . Baggage , looks , bodies , fkd up mislaid defensiveness is huge in the women . Then there's kids and ex's and whatever setups they have going on with all that to work around .

Lately l'm thinking people seem just too life fkd up by the time they get to the 40s and onward that it's basically trying to find a needle in a hey stack .

Still , l spose it does happen every day doesn't it so , hopefully not .


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> At times I forget where I'm posting, everything refers to getting laid and how dire it is.




Yep l find the same thing. l'm amazed at how shallow people are now compared to what everyone was when l was single last time 19yrs ago . Yet all my crowd were 20-30yrs younger than any now.


----------



## ne9907

2galsmom said:


> Don't worry about "sparks."
> You had "sparks" with a narcissist.
> 
> It takes a long time and a lot of self-introspection to break a pattern of attraction which may be seated deep in your childhood.
> 
> Looked like picture - check
> Date went well - check
> 
> Stay healthy ne! I hope things are going better for you.


Yes, ma'am!

Once I come out of this, I will be poster child for healthy divorcees.

BTW Daddi0, sex is amazing! I want some!!


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I thought your wife had an open type relationship with that couple and you? :scratchhead:


God no!
I am pretty open but no I do not share. Mine!
No it started because my exwife is crazy and because of the show Big Love thought that would be a good idea. She told her friend I wasn't paying enough attention to her(because I am an adult and go to work), so her friend told her to talk to her husband plus she was annoyed by him or some crap, then she laid the good ole pity party down on him about how terrible I am and how much she hates me and he fell for it and they started an affair behind our backs. 
So I guess it started as an EA and they bonded because they both felt like they were being treated badly(his wife made him go to work )


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> God no!
> I am pretty open but no I do not share. Mine!
> No it started because my exwife is crazy and because of the show Big Love thought that would be a good idea. She told her friend I wasn't paying enough attention to her(because I am an adult and go to work), so her friend told her to talk to her husband plus she was annoyed by him or some crap, then she laid the good ole pity party down on him about how terrible I am and how much she hates me and he fell for it and they started an affair behind our backs.
> So I guess it started as an EA and they bonded because they both felt like they were being treated badly(his wife made him go to work )


I finally see your light AP, 
I do not like your ex either........

Damn!! and sometimes I think I am an awful person for thinking too much about an ex boyfriend and not my ex husband while I am trying to recover from my divorce.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Yeah you do need something there.. just for me spark can sometimes come on a second or third date...
> 
> but i know if nothing is there at all right away and that = no sex


People rarely feel a spark with me until they get to know me, but I am slow at getting comfortable enough to be myself, takes a lot more than three dates. Their loss.


----------



## Another Planet

Of course there is more to the story it's just so complicated it is hard still for me to piece it all together sometimes. 
Her best friend is partially at fault for instigating it all, at one time I guess she was tired of her husband wanting sex while she was pregnant so she thought it would be a good idea to bring him up to my exwifes work so he could profess his love to her...in the back room while her firend watched the counter 
OMG I hate even thinking about this crazy **** anymore...


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> People rarely feel a spark with me until they get to know me, but I am slow at getting comfortable enough to be myself, takes a lot more than three dates. Their loss.


Hmmm
I am beginning to think that I have the opposite effect. Every date I have been on, the men are pretty much all over me and want to go on a second date. Of all the men I have gone on a first date with (seven), only blue eyes got a second date.
Blue eyes seemed to get tired of me after a 1.5 month in, so if I were to examine this data from a scientific point, it seems that I attract them at first sight but after a while they lose interest.

Of course, I only have 1 subject to base this experiment on, and he disclosed from the very beginning that he was not into feelings. If feelings got involved he would be out.


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> People rarely feel a spark with me until they get to know me, but I am slow at getting comfortable enough to be myself, takes a lot more than three dates. Their loss.



I don't look for sparks. One can make em happen over time, IMO. Plus, good things are worth waiting for.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I don't look for sparks. *One can make em happen over time, IMO*.


Eh. I don't agree.

There is this one guy who liked me forever and no matter how I tried to make myself feel something for him, get excited about him, something, anything, it just never happened. To this day, nada.

Granted, I think that in some cases, if you have some kind of attraction (conversationally, physically, mentally)--then that baseline may pop up later, but generally if there is zero anything, then that is a hard thing to come by. Least that has been my experience.


----------



## moxy

I don't know if people feel a spark with me or not, but I tend to end up with guys that wanna do me but not really date me, lately. Or, the other way around. :/


----------



## vi_bride04

When I think of "spark" I think of at least not being grossed out when we kiss/make out, lol

If the kissing isn't there, the rest of the physical stuff won't be either, IMO.

I have been thinking and reflecting lately about some of my past "sparks" in terms of "OH MY GOSH I LIKE THIS GUY SO MUCH WE REALLY CLICK!!"

Yeah....not so much. Seems the ones that "spark" me are the ones that are not good for me emotionally. Like someone said earlier about being attracted to unhealthy partners. 

So now, for me, if I feel an instant spark I am going to be more cautious about the guy.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Of course there is more to the story it's just so complicated it is hard still for me to piece it all together sometimes.
> Her best friend is partially at fault for instigating it all, at one time I guess she was tired of her husband wanting sex while she was pregnant so she thought it would be a good idea to bring him up to my exwifes work so he could profess his love to her...in the back room while her firend watched the counter
> OMG I hate even thinking about this crazy **** anymore...


That's fvcked up beyond average fvcked up....

I would have shot the b!tch. If I were you I'd be posting from the prison library right now.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> When I think of "spark" I think of at least not being grossed out when we kiss/make out, lol
> 
> If the kissing isn't there, the rest of the physical stuff won't be either, IMO.
> 
> I have been thinking and reflecting lately about some of my past "sparks" in terms of "OH MY GOSH I LIKE THIS GUY SO MUCH WE REALLY CLICK!!"
> 
> Yeah....not so much. Seems the ones that "spark" me are the ones that are not good for me emotionally. Like someone said earlier about being attracted to unhealthy partners.
> 
> So now, for me, if I feel an instant spark I am going to be more cautious about the guy.


The best spark for me is when I get to put my hands on a woman's breasts.... zzzzzzzzzinggggg


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> So now, for me, if I feel an instant spark I am going to be more cautious with myself.


Fixed it for you.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> When I think of "spark" I think of at least not being grossed out when we kiss/make out, lol


:rofl:



moxy said:


> I don't know if people feel a spark with me or not, but I tend to end up with guys that wanna do me but not really date me, lately. Or, the other way around. :/


Keep on dating, Moxy. Eventually you will be on the same page with someone. Fact is, it's not going to work out with most of them which is what will make it so fun when we do meet the cool guy.


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm
> I am beginning to think that I have the opposite effect. Every date I have been on, the men are pretty much all over me and want to go on a second date. Of all the men I have gone on a first date with (seven), only blue eyes got a second date.
> Blue eyes seemed to get tired of me after a 1.5 month in, so if I were to examine this data from a scientific point, it seems that I attract them at first sight but after a while they lose interest.
> 
> Of course, I only have 1 subject to base this experiment on, and he disclosed from the very beginning that he was not into feelings. If feelings got involved he would be out.


Umm... maybe one of the other six who you didn't give a second date was "the one"?


----------



## caladan

vi_bride04 said:


> When I think of "spark" I think of at least not being grossed out when we kiss/make out, lol
> 
> If the kissing isn't there, the rest of the physical stuff won't be either, IMO.
> 
> I have been thinking and reflecting lately about some of my past "sparks" in terms of "OH MY GOSH I LIKE THIS GUY SO MUCH WE REALLY CLICK!!"
> 
> Yeah....not so much. Seems the ones that "spark" me are the ones that are not good for me emotionally. Like someone said earlier about being attracted to unhealthy partners.
> 
> So now, for me, if I feel an instant spark I am going to be more cautious about the guy.


I get this. One of my totally most epic-ally awesomeest connections ever was a lady who was bipolar. In the end she kicked me out of her life because I was too connected to my "baggage", but while it lasted, it was mind blowing. 

I like bad girls. I like people who don't go overly gaga for me. And I like people who have their own thing going outside whatever we share. I simply can't stand peace and quiet. So yeah, I've come to accept it. I'm drawn to the tortured and the disturbed. I'm not even complaining about it anymore, I accept and embrace it.


----------



## Jellybeans

caladan said:


> Umm... maybe one of the other six who you didn't give a second date was "the one"?


Nah. If he was "the one" they would have made it to a second date.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I don't look for sparks. One can make em happen over time, IMO. Plus, good things are worth waiting for.


If someone is good then be around them. If you see who they are, and you are attracted to that and it is mutual, then sparks will fly. The sparks you may feel at the outset may be genuinely real, however they are only superficial.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm
> I am beginning to think that I have the opposite effect. Every date I have been on, the men are pretty much all over me and want to go on a second date. Of all the men I have gone on a first date with (seven), only blue eyes got a second date.
> Blue eyes seemed to get tired of me after a 1.5 month in, so if I were to examine this data from a scientific point, it seems that I attract them at first sight but after a while they lose interest.
> 
> Of course, I only have 1 subject to base this experiment on, and he disclosed from the very beginning that he was not into feelings. If feelings got involved he would be out.


Welcome to my club NE... just about every guy wants to take me on a second date... then 1.5 - 2 months in lose interest... from what I understand there are several different reasons for lost of interest... sometimes they just want the chase and once they have you they lose interest quickly....though I dont have a problem with ones that just want to F*ck me , they always want to date me too. 

However, Ive started to correlate some of them that its seems to happen when "I" start getting feelings for them. I think my personality changes a little, I become a bit more wifey, a bit more attached, I think im not as "fun"... so thats my challenge staying more detached longer...we will see if it works.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Nah. If he was "the one" they would have made it to a second date.





caladan said:


> Umm... maybe one of the other six who you didn't give a second date was "the one"?


Negative, ghost rider. I believe in the Universe, if the universe wishes me to be with someone he will happen! However, I will help the universe along by going on dates 



Jellybeans said:


> Nah. If he was "the one" they would have made it to a second date.


:iagree:




unsure78 said:


> Welcome to my club NE... just about every guy wants to take me on a second date... then 1.5 - 2 months in lose interest... from what I understand there are several different reasons for lost of interest... sometimes they just want the chase and once they have you they lose interest quickly....though I dont have a problem with ones that just want to F*ck me , they always want to date me too.
> 
> However, Ive started to correlate some of them that its seems to happen when *"I" start getting feelings for them. I think my personality changes a little, I become a bit more wifey, a bit more attached, I think im not as "fun"... *so thats my challenge staying more detached longer...we will see if it works.


Once this happens, I guard my feelings. It is very strange dynamics, I have feelings but I pretend like I could care less... to protect myself.

Oh and on the occasion that they are not interested, I obssess over them!!! Even if I did not find them attractive. I also chase .


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Negative, ghost rider. I believe in the Universe, if the universe wishes me to be with someone he will happen! H*owever, I will help the universe along by going on dates*


Hehe. I like this!


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> Negative, ghost rider. I believe in the Universe, if the universe wishes me to be with someone he will happen! However, I will help the universe along by going on dates


Wait - who pulled the plug on the second date? I assumed that was you.


----------



## ne9907

caladan said:


> Wait - who pulled the plug on the second date? I assumed that was you.


OMG! am i c0ckblocking myself?? or the universe??

What is going on?? I am so confused lol


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Welcome to my club NE... just about every guy wants to take me on a second date... then 1.5 - 2 months in lose interest... from what I understand there are several different reasons for lost of interest... sometimes they just want the chase and once they have you they lose interest quickly....though I dont have a problem with ones that just want to F*ck me , they always want to date me too.
> 
> However, Ive started to correlate some of them that its seems to happen when *"I" start getting feelings for them. I think my personality changes a little, I become a bit more wifey, a bit more attached, I think im not as "fun"*... so thats my challenge staying more detached longer...we will see if it works.


Interesting.....
The only problem with that is do YOU want to be wanted because you are fun or because you are being yourself?

And that is really weird because isn't that ultimately what we date for? To find someone to maybe settle down with? 
I don't know Unsure, I am still in the camp of always be yourself or when the right person comes along they will just pass you by because you aren't being you.
What if you start dating a the one but he doesn't like you because you are being too "fun"...weird to think about it that way but that's how I see it anyway.



ne9907 said:


> Negative, ghost rider. I believe in the Universe, if the universe wishes me to be with someone he will happen! However, I will help the universe along by going on dates
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Once this happens, *I guard my feelings. It is very strange dynamics, I have feelings but I pretend like I could care less... to protect myself.*
> 
> Oh and on the occasion that they are not interested, I obssess over them!!! Even if I did not find them attractive. I also chase .


My GF does this if she thinks I am mad at her, she shuts down and starts to like fade out like she is trying to disconnect. I am pretty sure she has some abandonment issues. 
I know it is something you guys can't control BUT what I have learned is first always talk about how you feel and second don't ever be afraid of being alone...IMO if you do these things and they stick around there has to be something more then the norm there.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> *And that is really weird because isn't that ultimately what we date for? To find someone to maybe settle down with? *
> 
> 
> My GF does this if she thinks I am mad at her, she shuts down and starts to like fade out like she is trying to disconnect. I am pretty sure she has some abandonment issues.
> I know it is something you guys can't control BUT what I have learned is first always talk about how you feel and second don't ever be afraid of being alone...IMO if you do these things and they stick around there has to be something more then the norm there.


Yes, however I starting to believe that some people just like to date, and have sex with as many individuals as they can, especially if these people still harbor feelings for an ex.

AP, I dont have abandonment issues. I do know that people dissapoint me all the time. I rather not invest my feelings if I am going to end up dissapointed again and again and again. 

hmmmm, Just now I realize that I want to NOT be alone!! I always believed that I did not mind being alone, but just now, this thought came to me:

I guard my feelings becasue I am afraid if I show how I care and am capable of love, they will conciously hurt me and leave me!"

I am a bit messed up I know, I cant find another therapist!!! The one I saw last week was strange.... and can only see me once every 3 weeks!!!!


----------



## muskrat

If I am really into a woman and she starts acting all "wifey" after a few months I like it. The fun new thing wears off eventually, seeing her being herself, the her I will see if the relationship lasts is a turn on for me. If however I view her as a fun date but don't see a long term future and she starts acting all "wifey" I would with draw.

In the end my suggestion is don't change a thing. If you meet the guy you are going to spend years with, he will not disappear when you reach a comfort zone.


----------



## COGypsy

unsure78 said:


> I think my personality changes a little,* I become a bit more wifey,* a bit more attached, I think im not as "fun"... so thats my challenge staying more detached longer...we will see if it works.


What does being "wifey" look like? 

I think one of the big factors leading to the end of my marriage is that my ex was always expecting that getting married would make me into some sort of suburban Stepford wife and when it didn't happen, we just couldn't get back to a place where we were really interested in each other any more. I'm not sure what I could have done to give him the impression that I would get all domestic if I had a wedding ring, but I would definitely want to avoid that kind of miscommunication again. Most expensive mistake of my life!


----------



## caladan

COGypsy said:


> What does being "wifey" look like?


Exactly, what does this mean?

If she starts wearing hairnets, face cream and rollers, I'm off.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Sometimes for men, too. I've been on the flip side before, where someone else wanted more and Zi wanted things casual. It's not gender specific thing. Guys are humans, too. Humans have feelings, and sometimes they don't choose what those feelings are.


Was just teasing 



Jellybeans said:


> The problem is when the "spark" never comes.
> 
> I am a firm believer in that there should at least be a little "zing." Otherwise, that's what friends are for.


Agreed, normally the mind is made within the first 7 seconds no? Heh


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Interesting.....
> The only problem with that is do YOU want to be wanted because you are fun or because you are being yourself?
> 
> And that is really weird because isn't that ultimately what we date for? To find someone to maybe settle down with?
> I don't know Unsure, I am still in the camp of always be yourself or when the right person comes along they will just pass you by because you aren't being you.
> What if you start dating a the one but he doesn't like you because you are being too "fun"...weird to think about it that way but that's how I see it anyway.
> 
> 
> 
> My GF does this if she thinks I am mad at her, she shuts down and starts to like fade out like she is trying to disconnect. I am pretty sure she has some abandonment issues.
> I know it is something you guys can't control BUT what I have learned is first always talk about how you feel and second don't ever be afraid of being alone...IMO if you do these things and they stick around there has to be something more then the norm there.


I agree that I want someone who likes me as I am.... but im not a person that you get know easily... im complicated, many layers. .. so im usually very fun, outgoing, talkative, a bit sassie when I first meet a guy... it takes time for them to get to know the other side of me, the much more damaged side, more sensitive side of me ( we all know we have it here), this comes out in the form of me being more attached and wifey ( cooking them food, wanting to caretake)... which is ok but im for my own best interest, I need to remain detached longer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

4.6 mile hike today, and boy is my dog tired. I got some nice sun too. If I keep this up I will have a great tan for summer. 70 degrees today, it was awesome!!!


----------



## moxy

caladan said:


> Exactly, what does this mean?
> 
> 
> 
> If she starts wearing hairnets, face cream and rollers, I'm off.



This amuses me.


----------



## moxy

Summer, Texas roads, a car with a malfunctioning air conditioning unit: prelude to hell. 

I don't trust the idea of sparks. I'm generally immediately attracted to dangerous things and people. And, then, I'm inclined to stay to see things through. However, I can develop affection for nice people once I get to know them. That seems like a more sensible option.

I tend to only agree to a date if I think I might wanna get somewhere with someone, not necessarily when I wanna get to know someone. But, there are other reasons to date, too, I suppose. I don't have to screw every guy I agree to go on a date with. Maybe I will date more, if I remember that.

When I start feeling the desire to give a guy a massage without getting dirty about it, when I develop an urge to make the guy pancakes, that is a good time to find the panties and then the door -- not to stay the effing night for the first time. 

The gym across the parking lot is a wonderful way to burn up frustration; I think that place is about to become my new hangout.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> People rarely feel a spark with me until they get to know me, but I am slow at getting comfortable enough to be myself, takes a lot more than three dates. Their loss.



l think that's a really cool thing Lon. And l often notice with people similar to what you describe it can become a real pleasure as you slowly get to know them.
l've got no probelmo at all if l was to meet someone like that ,l think l'd actually trust it more .


----------



## Another Planet

COGypsy said:


> What does being "wifey" look like?
> 
> I think one of the big factors leading to the end of my marriage is that my ex was always expecting that getting married would make me into some sort of suburban Stepford wife and when it didn't happen, we just couldn't get back to a place where we were really interested in each other any more. I'm not sure what I could have done to give him the impression that I would get all domestic if I had a wedding ring, but I would definitely want to avoid that kind of miscommunication again. Most expensive mistake of my life!


You should marry the person that they are not the person you think they should become. It sounds like you continued to be you and he became someone else...so no more marriage. Not your fault it's his, you were true to him and he lied to you about his expectations.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. I don't agree.
> 
> There is this one guy who liked me forever and no matter how I tried to make myself feel something for him, get excited about him, something, anything, it just never happened. To this day, nada.
> 
> Granted, I think that in some cases, if you have some kind of attraction (conversationally, physically, mentally)--then that baseline may pop up later, but generally if there is zero anything, then that is a hard thing to come by. Least that has been my experience.



Yeah l know what you mean JB and for me if it's that dead then there's no way it's gonna get anywhere.

The thing is it can start of slow or fast but you gotta at least have some infatuation with whatever there is there to wanna keep going.
You've gotta have at least a few tingles about it .
.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm going to entertain the crowd with a conversation I had with two of my closest friends on Saturday evening (they're bf / gf, I've known my buddy since 96).

After I received the text and replied to the date on Friday I text buddy to share the story. That night I went over there (they live down the hall, lol) to pre drink for my birthday.

Gf was filled in before I got there and I explained further. What she pretty much told me is that from her perspective and observations I'm one of the least desperate guys she's known (hilarious if you knew me when I joined TAM). I'm no bullsh1t, straight to the point and have my priorities in order; kids, health, bills etc.

She feels that it can send mixed signals but buddy quickly pointed out that this isn't my problem. I just need to be aware of it and in the end anyone who likes me enough will take the time to get to know me.

I found it interesting, I didn't even regret canceling Tuesday's date nor did I even care that Friday's ended after one. Yeah I was excited for the first time to go on a date but once I saw the fishing text I lost all interest. Instantly.

It's given me a bit to think about on my down time.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> That's fvcked up beyond average fvcked up....
> 
> I would have shot the b!tch. If I were you I'd be posting from the prison library right now.


Yeah she is lucky you weren't a more aggressive person that's for sure AP. Thank fk you divorced her self centered ass is all l can say.


----------



## whitehawk

The more you guys talk about being a slow burner  , l call it in my head. The more l know l completely miss read T.

T was the long mousey blonde Guns and Roses. Out of everyone l've met , she is the only one l still talk with .
But she was so tight , slow to reveal , very slow , extremely cautious .
Basically with her l just got that annoyed at having to drag anything out of her it just felt ridiculous .
But she kept telling me it's just the way she is , she needs time to trust , and then more time.
l took it all wrong and read it as her just being one cagey [email protected] that l just couldn't be fkd with anymore.
But as we still talk , l see more and more in her little by little more and more things starting to come out and it is really really cool. l'm starting to think it is so much nicer than that instant bang that l'm use to and it's totally changed my views and perspective as to just how it should be or start off.

She says she's never met anyone like me and l'm the only one she shares the sort of thing we have with. But this has only just come out as we've kept in touch.

lt really has been a wake up call and l def have a new found respect for slow burners :scratchhead: . The more we slowly get to know each other the more special a person l realize she is and what a fool l was just getting impatient and scrapping it so soon just because it wasn't the way it normally happened for me.

l really regret not giving it more time and rushing of to the next one and the nest one, which all went no where anyway because there was just either nothing or just "stuff " , with them anyway .
Yet here's T , still slowly burning away , heating up in her own way and time .
Big lesson for me there or as we say round here a good old 2x4 .


----------



## moxy

I wonder if my instincts are broken.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> The more you guys talk about being a slow burner  , l call it in my head. The more l know l completely miss read T.
> 
> T was the long mousey blonde Guns and Roses. Out of everyone l've met , she is the only one l still talk with .
> But she was so tight , slow to reveal , very slow , extremely cautious .
> Basically with her l just got that annoyed at having to drag anything out of her it just felt ridiculous .
> But she kept telling me it's just the way she is , she needs time to trust , and then more time.
> l took it all wrong and read it as her just being one cagey [email protected] that l just couldn't be fkd with anymore.
> But as we still talk , l see more and more in her little by little more and more things starting to come out and it is really really cool. l'm starting to think it is so much nicer than that instant bang that l'm use to and it's totally changed my views and perspective as to just how it should be or start off.
> 
> She says she's never met anyone like me and l'm the only one she shares the sort of thing we have with. But this has only just come out as we've kept in touch.
> 
> lt really has been a wake up call and l def have a new found respect for slow burners :scratchhead: . The more we slowly get to know each other the more special a person l realize she is and what a fool l was just getting impatient and scrapping it so soon just because it wasn't the way it normally happened for me.
> 
> l really regret not giving it more time and rushing of to the next one and the nest one, which all went no where anyway because there was just either nothing or just "stuff " , with them anyway .
> Yet here's T , still slowly burning away , heating up in her own way and time .
> Big lesson for me there or as we say round here a good old 2x4 .


Slow burn method is risky too, because by the time you connect you've sunk the hook in pretty deep and it makes ending things a lot more complicated, hard to extricate yourself out of a mess cleanly, should the need arise.


----------



## whitehawk

The strange thing is though , it doesn't feel like it coulld get any further now.
lt sorta feels like because l didn't seize the day , and the fact that l did give it the chop so fast , l did damage and it's like l snuffed out that side of us if that makes sense. And l hurt her a lot by cutting it off so quickly. Miss slow to trust as if that's what she got anyway so there's no way she's risking more now.
And l couldn't blame her either .

So although we still talk it's like the gates have closed , or maybe it just was never meant to be anyway . Time will tell l spose.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> The strange thing is though , it doesn't feel like it coulld get any further now.
> lt sorta feels like because l didn't seize the day , and the fact that l did give it the chop so fast , l did damage and it's like l snuffed out that side of us if that makes sense. And l hurt her a lot by cutting it off so quickly. Miss slow to trust as if that's what she got anyway so there's no way she's risking more now.
> And l couldn't blame her either .
> 
> So although we still talk it's like the gates have closed , or maybe it just was never meant to be anyway . Time will tell l spose.


Well as always, the best way to find out if friendzone is the only place together is with a bottle of tequila.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Slow burn method is risky too, because by the time you connect you've sunk the hook in pretty deep and it makes ending things a lot more complicated, hard to extricate yourself out of a mess cleanly, should the need arise.



You know what you nailed it right there Lon. That was the exact feeling and fears l had with her and it scared the hell out of me after everything else.
l subconsciously felt that l just couldn't know what l was falling for with her being as hold back and cagey as she was, yet if it went on l would fall . 

l didn't want to risk not knowing exactly who it was l was falling for , well the sot of things l needed to at least know at that stage anyway, l needed more.


----------



## whitehawk

Lon said:


> Well as always, the best way to find out if friendzone is the only place together is with a bottle of tequila.



You could be right there Lon , that's not a bad idea .


----------



## 06Daddio08

Or you can simply be open about it.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I wonder if my instincts are broken.



Mox , now don't take this to heart ok , lots of us here have the same problem right now , we just need time.
But your instincts have flown the coop . You just need to be still for awhile, get your bearings .


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Mox , now don't take this to heart ok , lots of us here have the same problem right now , we just need time.
> 
> But your instincts have flown the coop . You just need to be still for awhile, get your bearings .



This is probably true. I was mostly jesting, but there's a core of reality in it.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Or you can simply be open about it.



The thing is , l feel like by even asking her , l'm asking her to lay herself on the line again for me and l really hurt her by dumping it so soon last time.
Because l can't guarantee anything .


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> The thing is , l feel like by even asking her , l'm asking her to lay herself on the line again for me and l really hurt her by dumping it so soon last time.
> Because l can't guarantee anything .


You can't guarantee anything?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hey, TAM fam! 

What a timely discussion, the whole sparks thing. So, I contacted that last guy I had told you all about, the one who I felt was so perfect for me, but no sparks. We went out again on Friday, and guess what? Still no sparks.  I really like him, I enjoyed my time with him. But after wine at dinner, then a few beers while we watched a band, I was just NOT feeling flirty or anything toward him! Usually, a few drinks will lower any inhibitions I've got when I am with someone I like, and make me flirty and touchy. Didnt happen.  I really just dont know what to think. I am well aware that when you feel those big fireworks with someone right off the bat, that usually there is a crash and burn coming later, but I really feel like I have to have SOMETHING. I need to feel a pull toward someone, there needs to be some kind of urge to be close. This guy is doing everything right. Ugh.


----------



## vi_bride04

Are you sure you dont still have lingering feelings for NoChem?

Its hard to like someone new if feelings linger for someone else.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> You can't guarantee anything?[/QUO
> 
> 
> l just don.t wanna hurt her again !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey, TAM fam!
> 
> What a timely discussion, the whole sparks thing. So, I contacted that last guy I had told you all about, the one who I felt was so perfect for me, but no sparks. We went out again on Friday, and guess what? Still no sparks.  I really like him, I enjoyed my time with him. But after wine at dinner, then a few beers while we watched a band, I was just NOT feeling flirty or anything toward him! Usually, a few drinks will lower any inhibitions I've got when I am with someone I like, and make me flirty and touchy. Didnt happen.  I really just dont know what to think. I am well aware that when you feel those big fireworks with someone right off the bat, that usually there is a crash and burn coming later, but I really feel like I have to have SOMETHING. I need to feel a pull toward someone, there needs to be some kind of urge to be close. This guy is doing everything right. Ugh.


If your sure your not just blocking them , sounds like it just ain.t there for him.
l.ve had a few like that.
The difference is it could come in the form of fireworks or something slower and creeping up on you, at least drawing you i
into it but there should be something .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Are you sure you dont still have lingering feelings for NoChem?
> 
> Its hard to like someone new if feelings linger for someone else.


I would be lying if I said I dont. 

While I am not comparing this guy to him, I AM finding myself wanting to feel the attraction to someone that I had with him. I remember feeling giddy after our first date, then again after our first kiss. I thought he was attractive right off the bat. THAT is what I am looking for, only with someone who would be a HEALTHY addition to my life.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> We went out again on Friday, and guess what? Still no sparks.  I really like him, I enjoyed my time with him. But after wine at dinner, then a few beers while we watched a band, I was just NOT feeling flirty or anything toward him! Usually, a few drinks will lower any inhibitions I've got when I am with someone I like, and make me flirty and touchy. Didnt happen.  I really just dont know what to think.


You're just not that into him. And you don't have to feel bad/guilty about that. It happens.


----------



## bandit.45

I miss Syrian. Not just her body and the sex. I really miss her. 

I'm such a fvcked up idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I think this time next year I'll be a certified personal trainer.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I miss Syrian. Not just her body and the sex. I really miss her.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm such a fvcked up idiot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I figured that would happen. 

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, Bandit. Life is complicated, sometimes, and distance yields perspective.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> I think this time next year I'll be a certified personal trainer.



That's awesome!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> I miss Syrian. Not just her body and the sex. I really miss her.
> 
> I'm such a fvcked up idiot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No you're not.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> That's awesome!!


Maybe, we'll see. I'm going to be participating in a friends practicum (he's going to be "training" me in front of a teacher) and I might take the course next year.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I miss Syrian. Not just her body and the sex. I really miss her.
> 
> I'm such a fvcked up idiot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



l was wondering how you were going when you said you had a new date, that was quick.
Don't beat yourself u b , it's tricky [email protected]

l stayed away from 32 now and l don't really feel anything so l did the right thing before it got complicated.
Now she's gotten back with her ex Anyway.
She reckons he just popped up again and started hounding her so she eventually just thought fk it if we aren't happening , why not.
That's fair enough l reckon.


----------



## bandit.45

For some reason I was just really missing her today. Don't know what triggered it. I've had to fight the urge not to call her. 

The real estate lady is a very nice gal. But there was no romantic spark. I kissed her goodnight .... Nothing. She hasn't called or texted me so I know she felt the same. Nice lady, just not for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Could it be that my opinion of Syrian was skewed because I was not allowing myself to open up to her? Was I looking for reasons to not want to be with her....because the age difference freaked me out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l think a bit of both.
Logic and self preservation .


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I miss Syrian. Not just her body and the sex. I really miss her.
> 
> I'm such a fvcked up idiot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 how do you know if you can miss someone unless you take some time off? You feel the way you do cause you do who knows how it all works right 
Talk to her 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Could it be that my opinion of Syrian was skewed because I was not allowing myself to open up to her? Was I looking for reasons to not want to be with her....because the age difference freaked me out?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Bingo.

You got freaked out and distorted your fears. I think you liked her and you let your worries get in the way. You didn't give it a chance.

However, your worries indicate a couple of things: 1) you have to work on the issues of yours you've now uncovered, and 2) you should try to figure out if there is a real possibility of something serious with her or not before you think of trying to reconnect again.

That's just my opinion...


----------



## whitehawk

Well , decided not to bother with the two new ones from my site.
One , l'm enjoying my holiday and besides, T is on my mind.

But two , l took a serious look at their pages and really , neither one did much for me anyway so why bother , got enough on my plate .


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I would be lying if I said I dont.
> 
> While *I am not comparing this guy to him*, I AM finding myself wanting to feel the attraction to someone that I had with him. I remember feeling giddy after our first date, then again after our first kiss. *I thought he was attractive right off the bat. THAT is what I am looking for*, only with someone who would be a HEALTHY addition to my life.


You are soooo comparing him to nochem! :rofl:

I don't think there is anything wrong with comparing, but there is something wrong with not being able to open your heart up to someone because of lingering feelings. Some people just can't shake enough emotions out of the way to fire up something new with someone new.


----------



## Another Planet

In the last 5min I have received 6 blocks from my malware software coming from this site...just so you guys know.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Bandit, there's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable about the age gap and not liking it.

Not accepting it and dragging your head through the mud won't do you any good.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> In the last 5min I have received 6 blocks from my malware software coming from this site...just so you guys know.


Weird. May just be your computer? It may have a virus.
Try using a different web service. Or computer.


----------



## RandomDude

Methinks my FWB who has returned is a little too vulnerable being physical with me straight after dating disappointments... I'm questioning the amount of contact she's trying to initiate with me recently =/

Would be a shame to let her go (again), thought I can take a break from looking too! Bah!

Tis frustrating!


----------



## Jellybeans

Tell her "I don't want to see you anymore."


----------



## RandomDude

But I DO like our little arrangement!


----------



## Jellybeans

You are so confusing.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> You are so confusing.


Imagine actually BEING him ....


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> For some reason I was just really missing her today. Don't know what triggered it. I've had to fight the urge not to call her.
> 
> The real estate lady is a very nice gal. But there was no romantic spark. I kissed her goodnight .... Nothing. She hasn't called or texted me so I know she felt the same. Nice lady, just not for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is human nature to miss people we have had a connection with. Dont beat yourself up, if you want to call her go ahead. 
I missed blue eyes last night, I am very glad I deleted his contact information from my phone. I have no way of contacting him ever.



bandit.45 said:


> Could it be that my opinion of Syrian was skewed because I was not allowing myself to open up to her? Was I looking for reasons to not want to be with her....because the age difference freaked me out?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> It is human nature to miss people we have had a connection with. Dont beat yourself up, if you want to call her go ahead.
> I missed blue eyes last night, I am very glad I deleted his contact information from my phone. I have no way of contacting him ever.


While I feel it's natural to miss someone you've had a more in-depth / long relationship with. I feel it becomes more of a reflection of yourself when you start missing someone you knew only for a short time.

What you're missing isn't necessarily them but in fact what you're missing within yourself.

If that makes any sense. Haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

In these situations, the person missing the other has essentially idealized the other person. Romanticized them. Because of the short amount of time they knew each other, there wasn't time to see them at their "all"/the "real them" especially if time spent together was limited. Kind of like affairs--they only see the best of each other so the relationships are experienced as way more intense.

Same as when you remember some past memory as perfect, like something in your teenage years, a crush. It's the nostalgia of your memories.

Psychological analsysis. Free of charge. Thank you.


----------



## Lon

I drank my coffee too fast and now I can't stop sweating :/


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> I drank my coffee too fast and now I can't stop sweating :/



Eat a slice of dry toast. You will feel less poisoned.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> It is human nature to miss people we have had a connection with. Dont beat yourself up, if you want to call her go ahead.
> I missed blue eyes last night, I am very glad I deleted his contact information from my phone. I have no way of contacting him ever.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes


Ummm.... How would that be fair to Syrian? Talk about confusing.

Are you missing the connection you felt after/ during sex? Different from just missing the sex.

I think you need to do some thinking. You know which page she is on. You didn't respect her intellectually. You were defensive and scared about the age difference. However, you think she is drop dead gorgeous, you enjoyed her company (at least when you were knocking boots) and you thought she was nice. Can you see a relationship with her or is this just some romanticizing of the past and what you had (plus missing the perks of eye candy on your arm and in your bed)?

I would say, do not call her unless you see something approximating a longer term relationship being possible. Because that is where she is.


----------



## whitehawk

Rerun. The first one was done on my phone where l couldn't tell it replied to 3x.

Anyway. right when l'd just proudly announced right here today l'd cleaned things up with the 2 new girls and l'm happily continuing in my holiday.
2 more new ones have just come through into my phones email.
l swear , the best way to get something you want in life must be to just sit back and not want it.
lf l wanted some woman they'd all be telling me to eff off :rofl:
They're nice these 2 too. fk 

Tellin you people , if you really want a holiday you better shut down your profile to remove temptations properly .


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> You should marry the person that they are not the person you think they should become. It sounds like you continued to be you and he became someone else...so no more marriage. Not your fault it's his, you were true to him and he lied to you about his expectations.


Oh I'd say our marriage was nothing more than a cascading series of mistakes and poor choices. But I honestly think that Useless shaped his ideas of marriage and family based on 50's television reruns he watched growing up. He was raised in a house where his mom kept cars longer than she kept any of her 5 husbands and it was a punishment to sit and eat together. I guess I'm just lucky that he wanted a Leave it to Beaver life more than marrying a girl just like dear old mom....

But thankfully its a chapter that is dead and buried in my life.


----------



## Lon

moxy said:


> Eat a slice of dry toast. You will feel less poisoned.


I didn't feel poisoned, I felt medicated. And fortunately the A/C has kicked in in the office just after I wrote that comment, it was getting a little muggy in here... now I am impervious to the chill that everyone else is complaining about at the moment


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> While I feel it's natural to miss someone you've had a more in-depth / long relationship with. I feel it becomes more of a reflection of yourself when you start missing someone you knew only for a short time.
> 
> What you're missing isn't necessarily them but in fact what you're missing within yourself.
> 
> If that makes any sense. Haha.


Damn. You're like Yoda.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> In these situations, the person missing the other has essentially idealized the other person. Romanticized them. Because of the short amount of time they knew each other, there wasn't time to see them at their "all"/the "real them" especially if time spent together was limited. Kind of like affairs--they only see the best of each other so the relationships are experienced as way more intense.
> 
> Same as when you remember some past memory as perfect, like something in your teenage years, a crush. It's the nostalgia of your memories.
> 
> Psychological analsysis. Free of charge. Thank you.


And you're like Master Po.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I'm not calling her. It was a passing fever. It's gone now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Damn. You're like Yoda.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_







bandit.45 said:


> And you're like Master Po.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We're going to start our own podcast.


----------



## Jellybeans

We're gonna be famous, Daddio!


----------



## whitehawk

l would have personally witnessed the actual birth of fame :smthumbup:
l knew there was a reason l'm still here !


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> We're gonna be famous, Daddio!


And richer than astronauts!!


----------



## Jellybeans

I bet dating in space would be way cooler than this Earth thing.


----------



## unsure78

LOL you guys are cracking me up today


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> I bet dating in space would be way cooler than this Earth thing.


I dunno. Sex without gravity would be really difficult!


----------



## Jellybeans

Not when you're as light as a jellybean!


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> While I feel it's natural to miss someone you've had a more in-depth / long relationship with. I feel it becomes more of a reflection of yourself when you start missing someone you knew only for a short time.
> 
> *What you're missing isn't necessarily them but in fact what you're missing within yourself.*
> 
> If that makes any sense. Haha.


This, made me reflect on what it is I am missing within myself.

I feel like being a whiny b!tch, attention seeking drama ho, and just ask the world to help find myself!!!!

Ugh....

I am regressing peeps, I am missing ex BUT i know this time, it is not rational. It is not he who I miss, It is the idea of being in love. I am romantic.
I want to be in love.


----------



## wtf2012

Fenix said:


> I dunno. Sex without gravity would be really difficult!


Sex without gravity would be awesome! All of a sudden i am wondering if I am too old to start training at NASA...


----------



## caladan

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not calling her. It was a passing fever. It's gone now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So later at night then?


----------



## familyfirst09

So I signed up to POF. Heard mixed reviews about it but I am not paying until I know the online thing is something I actually want to invest in. Well Omg the first 3 days I was bombarded with hundreds of emails lol. Quite flattering I have to say but most were not what I am looking for. Starting chatting to a few and then one stood out and we have a date set up tomorrow night  we will see how it goes. The guy I was seeing briefly (who I found out was on tinder while I was seeing him) is still harassing me and when I told him again yesterday to leave me alone and I was talking to others, he actually called me a cheater lol. Guy has a couple loose stones I believe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Hi viking!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> So I signed up to POF. Heard mixed reviews about it but I am not paying until I know the online thing is something I actually want to invest in. Well Omg the first 3 days I was bombarded with hundreds of emails lol. Quite flattering I have to say but most were not what I am looking for. Starting chatting to a few and then one stood out and we have a date set up tomorrow night  we will see how it goes. The guy I was seeing briefly (who I found out was on tinder while I was seeing him) is still harassing me and when I told him again yesterday to leave me alone and I was talking to others, he actually called me a cheater lol. Guy has a couple loose stones I believe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Umm yea ff that guy is crazy. .. block him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

I've got him blocked on skype and my facebook. I don't know how to block on facetime (but I just don't answer).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> I've got him blocked on skype and my facebook. I don't know how to block on facetime (but I just don't answer).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow persistent isnt he...that's a bit scary actually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I kinda want to sign up for another site, since Match is not giving me the result I had hoped for.

I get emails from men who I am not attracted to at all! 
I have been on Tinder and now Match. I feel that if I sign up for another dating website, my picture will be all over the internet!!!!!!

Yeah, ilogical.....

Irish guy (thanks Moxy) has been messaging me quite a bit. We had a date saturday night, long term potential is nill but what is a girl gotta do to get some sex?? (and some emotions, plus my birthday is next month!!)

I am kidding. I obviously dig him a little bit, otherwise I would not have answered his emails.


----------



## familyfirst09

I honestly don't know what his deal is. He did everything to push me away and so when I finally did, he won't leave me alone. I gave him the benefit of the doubt a few times but after the tinder thing, no more. I'm just looking forward to my date tomorrow night now. This guy is cute and sweet...and has abs for days...lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> You are so confusing.


Ey? I do like our little arrangement, I just don't want her to go all lovey dovey on me like the other one!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



randomdude said:


> ey? I do like our little arrangement, i just don't want her to go all lovey dovey on me like the other one!


the horror!


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> I kinda want to sign up for another site, since Match is not giving me the result I had hoped for.
> 
> I get emails from men who I am not attracted to at all!
> I have been on Tinder and now Match. I feel that if I sign up for another dating website, my picture will be all over the internet!!!!!!
> 
> Yeah, ilogical.....
> 
> Irish guy (thanks Moxy) has been messaging me quite a bit. We had a date saturday night, long term potential is nill but what is a girl gotta do to get some sex?? (and some emotions, plus my birthday is next month!!)
> 
> I am kidding. I obviously dig him a little bit, otherwise I would not have answered his emails.


NE things take time...ive been on match for like 7 months now (second time on) and ive had what like one guy I have had real feelings for? It takes time, persistence, and a bit of luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> I honestly don't know what his deal is. He did everything to push me away and so when I finally did, he won't leave me alone. I gave him the benefit of the doubt a few times but after the tinder thing, no more. I'm just looking forward to my date tomorrow night now. This guy is cute and sweet...and has abs for days...lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mmmm sounds yummy......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> So I signed up to POF. Heard mixed reviews about it but I am not paying until I know the online thing is something I actually want to invest in. Well Omg the first 3 days I was bombarded with hundreds of emails lol. Quite flattering I have to say but most were not what I am looking for. Starting chatting to a few and then one stood out and we have a date set up tomorrow night
> 
> l don't know how girls cope with so many emails.
> I wonder if they all get that many l never actually even ask any of mine what sort of action they get ?
> Anyway that's one way l'm glad l'm male , if we get one or two a time we're doing well .
> Have a nice date FF , that was quick .


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> The guy I was seeing briefly (who I found out was on tinder while I was seeing him) is still harassing me and when I told him again yesterday to leave me alone and I was talking to others, he actually called me a cheater lol. Guy has a couple loose stones I believe.





familyfirst09 said:


> I honestly don't know what his deal is. He did everything to push me away and so when I finally did, he won't leave me alone.


He sounds like a weirdo. I am glad you didn't go out with him again. Sounds very pushy. Ick.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Socials on Friday and Saturday night. Oi.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Socials on Friday and Saturday night. Oi.


Nice!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

First run of the year, 2.3 miles, I'm under a 13 min mile. Wooo

Now to get under 10 min

All the work I've been doing the past 3 months is paying off. 

Oh and I kept pace with a hot guy with a husky. As he was leaving I made sure I was standing by my car giving my dog water so I could smile and say hi as he drove by. He smiled and waved. I've seen him before on the trail too.  

Looks like I will have to take khloe to the dog park next time he is there


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> First run of the year, 2.3 miles, I'm under a 13 min mile. Wooo
> 
> Now to get under 10 min
> 
> All the work I've been doing the past 3 months is paying off.
> 
> Oh and I kept pace with a hot guy with a husky. As he was leaving I made sure I was standing by my car giving my dog water so I could smile and say hi as he drove by. He smiled and waved. I've seen him before on the trail too.
> 
> Looks like I will have to take khloe to the dog park next time he is there


Stalker


----------



## RandomDude

Lon said:


> the horror!


Tis a horror! Not only do I have to break a heart but I'll have to lose my booty call!

Anyway if she keeps this up I may have to follow my instincts and confront her to let her know where she stands - then hopefully the FWB-arrangement can still be maintained.

Besides I'm quite happy with her body and she is quite pleasant company


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Tis a horror! Not only do I have to break a heart but I'll have to lose my booty call!
> 
> Anyway if she keeps this up I may have to follow my instincts and confront her to let her know where she stands - then hopefully the FWB-arrangement can still be maintained.
> 
> Besides I'm quite happy with her body and she is quite pleasant company


Either you're a troll or simply someone I'd advise any female friend of mine to avoid.


----------



## RandomDude

Right... because having a FWB is so wrong


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Stalker


Yup. Some nice looking guys in my area. Glad I've kept up with getting in shape. Having a dog is a great way to meet people too


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup. Some nice looking guys in my area. Glad I've kept up with getting in shape. Having a dog is a great way to meet people too


That's the spirit! 

RL encounters > Online


----------



## whitehawk

So are 100s of emails typical for the girls or?

ps , That'd freak me out . Wonder how come so many of them have been single for yrs with options like that . Or how they get time to find and email some of us guys .


----------



## moxy

I don't get hundreds of emails in a day. I probably get 35. I respond to maybe 1 or 2 of those in 2 days. You'd be surprised many emails are just requests for anonymous sex. It's kinda gross. 

I had a fun time with friends today. All of them are conservative and family oriented though. And I'm in a strange sad mood tonight, missing the romantic connection that I have come to associate with being unguarded. Only when I'm having sex do I let my guards all the way down. Nothing a bit of sleep won't cure, but...it's something that a good hook up would cure more satisfactorily. Of course, I realize an issue is developing, here.


----------



## RandomDude

Do you always have the romantic connection when having sex? I haven't felt that for over a year, no matter how good it is, or if we cuddle, or whatever.

Only thing I miss when a casual partner moves on is her warmth and that's it - which I get over within a day, especially when I have/find another one. No other attachment. I have distant memories of a time when sex meant something, but now tis just a way to satisfy 'urges' and continue with life.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> I don't get hundreds of emails in a day. I probably get 35. I respond to maybe 1 or 2 of those in 2 days. You'd be surprised many emails are just requests for anonymous sex. It's kinda gross.
> 
> I had a fun time with friends today. All of them are conservative and family oriented though. And I'm in a strange sad mood tonight, missing the romantic connection that I have come to associate with being unguarded. Only when I'm having sex do I let my guards all the way down. Nothing a bit of sleep won't cure, but...it's something that a good hook up would cure more satisfactorily. Of course, I realize an issue is developing, here.


When I was on, I used to get maybe 8/day. But I am old.  I also didn't have a ton of pics or a very long intro. It was manageable and fun without being overwhelming.

Letting down my guard 100% is tough...and it definitely doesn't happen with sex until I feel very, very safe and comfortable.



RandomDude said:


> Do you always have the romantic connection when having sex? I haven't felt that for over a year, no matter how good it is, or if we cuddle, or whatever.
> 
> Only thing I miss when a casual partner moves on is her warmth and that's it - which I get over within a day, especially when I have/find another one. No other attachment. I have distant memories of a time when sex meant something, but now tis just a way to satisfy 'urges' and continue with life.


Oh man. This tells me that you need to stop what you are doing and take a step back. You are gorging on crappy Hershey's which takes away the enjoyment of a Godiva.


----------



## familyfirst09

whitehawk said:


> So are 100s of emails typical for the girls or?
> 
> ps , That'd freak me out . Wonder how come so many of them have been single for yrs with options like that . Or how they get time to find and email some of us guys .



Ok..so your question peaked my curiosity so just counted my emails from yesterday - 58 different guys emailed me and 13 added me to thier favs/meet me feature. Out of all of that I responded to 2, one just to tell him he was an idiot (ha) and the other I ended up having a 2 hour convo with and we are going to chat some more today 

So I don't know if that's a lot or normal or what. I also have very restrict settings on my email so unless you are between a certain again, not looking for "casual" and have profile pictures,you can't contact me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

One thing l'm always pleased about on my site is the type of women that have contacted me .
Mostly people very close to the mark, basically just what l'm contacting myself but l've been very on offish 1/2 hearted so far to though tbh.
l tried to word my page at a pretty select type and that's worked pretty good , really surprised actually .

When l first opened it though l got all sorts and it was a waste of time, l left it in 2 wks.
Then l did a payed membership a few wks later and redid my page and it's been much better since.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> One thing l'm always pleased about on my site is the type of women that have contacted me .
> Mostly people very close to the mark, basically just what l'd be contacting myself if l was that into it all which l've only been very on offish with so far .
> l tried to word my page at a pretty select few and type and that's worked pretty good , really surprised actually .
> 
> When l first opened it though l got all sorts and it was a waste of time, l left it in 2 wks.
> Then l did a payed membership a few wks later and redid my page and it's been much better since.


Fewer, high quality contacts is far better.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Fewer, high quality contacts is far better.



Yeah exactly how l feel to .


----------



## familyfirst09

I think I have restricted a lot of the people I don't want to come in contact with - specifically those who are looking for random encounters just by setting my email settings. So I have to say I'm still skeptical but it's not as bad as I was thinking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## caladan

RandomDude said:


> Right... because having a FWB is so wrong


A one-sided FWB with a borderline personality isssue? Totally.

You need to re-read your posts. Unpleasant. Either you don't know how to express yourself in words, or you're deliberately being annoying.

Based on the absence of grammar errors, I think it's the latter. 

But - I respect your right to post here, so go ahead. I've decided to do something about your posts however. I simply don't want to read them anymore. They add absolutely nothing remotely positive to my enjoyment of this thread.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Although I said I respond to most people, I should clarify that based on Fenix/Moxy/etc....

I ignore the "hey baby, ur hot", the "ur beautiful", the "what's your email/IM?" or "do you have any private pictures?"

The random compliments piss me off. It tells me they didn't read my profile, don't know anything about ME and think I'm a simpering idiot who will fall for empty compliments. I am looking for SUBSTANCE and therefore the men I would be interested in would be looking for the same and after determining my photo indicated I'm attractive enough for them, they would actually read my profile to see if they liked the inside.

And the ones that say "I need a discreet partner" I usually tell them that they need to work on their relationship or get out of it. And once I have been propositioned to join a couple.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I've had a few "u're cute" messages sent ... it's never a mutual feeling and I continue on.


----------



## RandomDude

caladan said:


> A one-sided FWB with a borderline personality isssue? Totally.


How is it one-sided? I'm not leading her on

I posted my SUSPICION that she maybe developing an emotional attachment due to her behaviour being rather 'different' compared to the last time we were FWBs (before she decided to go back to dating to find a proper relationship)

I could even be wrong - then what? I'll ditch her for no reason!
I'll get to the bottom of it by the end of the week



caladan said:


> You need to re-read your posts. Unpleasant. Either you don't know how to express yourself in words, or you're deliberately being annoying.
> 
> Based on the absence of grammar errors, I think it's the latter.


You need to read my posts carefully rather then assume.



> But - I respect your right to post here, so go ahead. I've decided to do something about your posts however. I simply don't want to read them anymore. They add absolutely nothing remotely positive to my enjoyment of this thread.


:rofl:
Whatever mate!



Fenix said:


> Oh man. This tells me that you need to stop what you are doing and take a step back. You are gorging on crappy Hershey's which takes away the enjoyment of a Godiva.


Lol

But what else can I do? I can't find a Godiva, haven't found one for 1.5 years now since seperation.

I've taken breaks in between dates/FWBs, doesn't help, just wastes time being idle I found


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Either you're a troll or simply someone I'd advise any female friend of mine to avoid.


RD is definitely NOT a troll. He may be hilariously confusing unto himself but a troll he ain't.

He is our resident Mr. All Over the Place. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> I ignore the "hey baby, ur hot", the "ur beautiful", the "what's your email/IM?" or *"do you have any private pictures?"*


Lol. I would delete those dudes right away. 

And the whole "I'm looking for a discreet partner" -- I'd be like "I'm looking for a discreet hand to your face."


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> RD is definitely NOT a troll. He may be hilariously confusing unto himself but a troll he ain't.
> 
> He is our resident Mr. All Over the Place.


Awww, thanks JB

As for being all over the place - I blame the ladies 
As they drive me up the wall and over the ceiling!!!


----------



## muskrat

RandomDude said:


> Awww, thanks JB
> 
> As for being all over the place - I blame the ladies
> As they drive me up the wall and over the ceiling!!!


When YOU figure out exactly what it is you want and focus on finding that instead of "ramming" any woman who meets your physical likes, then maybe you will find the women that don't drive you up the wall. 
It wouldn't hurt to talk about these women in a respectful manner either. Maybe you are a nice guy irl, but on here you come across as a pompous a$$.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Awww, thanks JB


No problem. Sometimes I may want to shake some sense into you but you're not evil. LOL.


----------



## RandomDude

muskrat said:


> When YOU figure out exactly what it is you want and focus on finding that instead of "ramming" any woman who meets your physical likes, then maybe you will find the women that don't drive you up the wall.
> It wouldn't hurt to talk about these women in a respectful manner either. Maybe you are a nice guy irl, but on here you come across as a pompous a$$.


I don't see how I'm being disrespectful to my FWB :scratchhead:
Is the term "ramming" that bad? lol I like the term! 

But if you're refering to that one ONS I had previously - sure I was an a$$, but I don't give out respect unless individuals earn it. I don't give freebies 

And as for knowing what I want - I know exactly what I want and can't find it, so I'm just settling for the next best thing until the right one comes along - I have taken breaks from FWBs to go dating myself ya know!

The last date was decent but she didn't like the fact that I'm not yet divorced and I shouldn't be pushed - I'm trying to wait out ex's decision not to sign so we can avoid court.



Jellybeans said:


> No problem. Sometimes I may want to shake some sense into you but you're not evil. LOL.


Or am I :FIREdevil:

Hehe


----------



## 06Daddio08

In all honesty I should've kept my opinion to myself but the way you articulate yourself in regards to women is disgusting and has been for quite sometime.

I find no humor in it. I'll leave it at that.


----------



## Lon

RandomDude said:


> But what else can I do? I can't find a Godiva, haven't found one for 1.5 years now since seperation.
> 
> I've taken breaks in between dates/FWBs, doesn't help, just wastes time being idle I found


This is the point I think some are trying to get across to you RD - you won't find a Godiva because you are too busy wasting your time and filling it with the effort of guarding yourself from any kind of attachment to one of your completely interchangeable/disposable/replaceable FWBs. And I think the more appropriate term for them would be FBs since you certainly are not after friendship with them - which is why some people pile on you here about your attitude towards women and other people.

It is hard not to judge someone for the way we see them treat others, because we too are others and nobody likes to be made to feel inferior or used.


----------



## Deejo

This thread is bigger than the biggest, big penis thread ever!

Congrats to my single peeps, getting out there and making the magic happen! Or are about to make the magic happen at any moment ... *looks at Jellybeans*


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I don't get hundreds of emails in a day. I probably get 35. I respond to maybe 1 or 2 of those in 2 days. You'd be surprised many emails are just requests for anonymous sex. It's kinda gross.
> 
> I had a fun time with friends today. All of them are conservative and family oriented though. And I'm in a strange sad mood tonight, missing the romantic connection that I have come to associate with being unguarded. Only when I'm having sex do I let my guards all the way down. Nothing a bit of sleep won't cure, but...it's something that a good hook up would cure more satisfactorily. Of course, I realize an issue is developing, here.


Damn! You girls are rocking the online dating world!!

I got maybe like 10 emails the first day I was on match, then after a week, NOT a single one!!!

But on the bright side 
I had a wonderful converstation last night with a man I have been corresponding with on Match. It is a strange story as he lives on the east coast and as you all know I am in Narnia (west coast)
We were on the phone for about two hours. Very nice


----------



## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> Congrats to my single peeps, getting out there and making the magic happen! Or are about to make the magic happen at any moment ... *looks at Jellybeans*


I have new underwear and I'd really like to share it with someone.


----------



## Deejo

Jellybeans said:


> I have new underwear and I'd really like to share it with someone.


You REALLY need to make that your online dating profile headline.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> I have new underwear and I'd really like to share it with someone.


TAM is not good enough to share with?


----------



## unsure78

deejo said:


> you really need to make that your online dating profile headline.


hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah


----------



## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> You REALLY need to make that your online dating profile headline.


Haha if I ever make an online dating profile, now I know what to use for the headline.



Lon said:


> TAM is not good enough to share with?


:rofl:


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> Damn! You girls are rocking the online dating world!!
> 
> I got maybe like 10 emails the first day I was on match, then after a week, NOT a single one!!!
> 
> But on the bright side
> I had a wonderful converstation last night with a man I have been corresponding with on Match. It is a strange story as he lives on the east coast and as you all know I am in Narnia (west coast)
> We were on the phone for about two hours. Very nice


Dang it NE, you promised not to tell anyone about our phone call.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> And as for knowing what I want - I know exactly what I want and *can't find it, so I'm just settling for the next best thing* until the right one comes along


And the bolded is exactly why you are having such problems with the women.

Why settle for anything? It only hurts your inner self in the long run.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Dang it NE, you promised not to tell anyone about our phone call.


ooopss, but I havent said anything our hawt phone sex, or your amazing voice, or the way you call me baby.....


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Do you always have the romantic connection when having sex? I haven't felt that for over a year, no matter how good it is, or if we cuddle, or whatever.
> 
> 
> 
> Only thing I miss when a casual partner moves on is her warmth and that's it - which I get over within a day, especially when I have/find another one. No other attachment. I have distant memories of a time when sex meant something, but now tis just a way to satisfy 'urges' and continue with life.



I won't have sex with a guy unless something about him intrigues (or frustrates, confuses, perplexes, vexes) me -- or unless something about him draws forth my possessive feelings; in any case, I do feel a distinctly emotional connection, but that doesn't mean I want to spend forever with him (different question and different emotional paradigm, altogether). Sex is a way for me to feel alive, like my"soul" or "psyche" is connected to something bigger than myself or other individuals; it's spiritual for me. When I'm not craving that kind of experience, I just take care of my own desire for orgasm on my own. Emotional connection is important to me, even in a casual connection. I don't like ONSs.


----------



## ne9907

Time to bump, bump, bump this to the top!!!

I have friday off!!! yay 4 day weekend for moi!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Lon said:


> This is the point I think some are trying to get across to you RD - you won't find a Godiva because you are too busy wasting your time and filling it with the effort of guarding yourself from any kind of attachment to one of your completely interchangeable/disposable/replaceable FWBs. And I think the more appropriate term for them would be FBs since you certainly are not after friendship with them - which is why some people pile on you here about your attitude towards women and other people.
> 
> It is hard not to judge someone for the way we see them treat others, because we too are others and nobody likes to be made to feel inferior or used.


You see, that's the thing - I have to be cold towards them. I've had alot of experience with this prior to marriage and in the past I've encountered alot of problems - problems that even the singles here admit to having; emotional attachments.

Now my attitude towards them being f--kbuddies and nothing more - it's based on the rules that I developed over time to minimise attachment. My FB (I agree - FB is a better term) did leave and I didn't chase her - she came back on her own. I respect their space and their own decisions. If they don't like the arrangement then whatever, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

The other one that I had at the same time I had to ditch, so sure, sometimes this ruleset doesn't work, and the reason why it didn't work with THAT one is because I allowed myself to be nicer/more respectful to the point she stopped seeing me as the ice cold bastard who's only good for one thing.

I maybe going through the same thing with my current FB but I'm not so sure - I'll have to confront next time I see her. So you see, there's a reason I'm a bastard to them.

Now I don't treat ALL women like that, only those who I don't consider anything more then FBs, and I make my intentions known that they are NOTHING else to me. Some others however earn my respect and I start seeing them as "potentials" instead of FB-material; like the last date.

The last date I was fond of her, and treated her as a man should. However she decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still married so hey, I respected her decision. I didn't even ram her! Because unlike the rest, I wanted it to be right. I'm multi-dimensional depending on the type of woman I meet.

So I don't see how I'm wasting my time - I do date too!


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> And the bolded is exactly why you are having such problems with the women.
> 
> Why settle for anything? It only hurts your inner self in the long run.


Cause I can't find someone who blows me mind away and I guess part of me has given up looking for it!

Despite her issues ex did set the damn bar too high >.<
Now I can't live without her pluses NOR with her negatives and I want someone with her pluses minus the negatives and it just ain't going to happen methinks! Cause then - I would have the PERFECT woman!

Meh

But in truth, standards aside, I need the spark and it's not easy to find someone with the same 'insane' wavelength! Yup - I'm nuts, and I need a bit of nuts too! But sane enough to function!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> You see, that's the thing - I have to be cold towards them. I've had alot of experience with this prior to marriage and in the past I've encountered alot of problems - problems that even the singles here admit to having; emotional attachments.
> 
> Now my attitude towards them being f--kbuddies and nothing more - it's based on the rules that I developed over time to minimise attachment. My FB (I agree - FB is a better term) did leave and I didn't chase her - she came back on her own. I respect their space and their own decisions. If they don't like the arrangement then whatever, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
> 
> The other one that I had at the same time I had to ditch, so sure, sometimes this ruleset doesn't work, and the reason why it didn't work with THAT one is because I allowed myself to be nicer/more respectful to the point she stopped seeing me as the ice cold bastard who's only good for one thing.
> 
> I maybe going through the same thing with my current FB but I'm not so sure - I'll have to confront next time I see her. So you see, there's a reason I'm a bastard to them.
> 
> Now I don't treat ALL women like that, only those who I don't consider anything more then FBs, and I make my intentions known that they are NOTHING else to me. Some others however earn my respect and I start seeing them as "potentials" instead of FB-material; like the last date.
> 
> The last date I was fond of her, and treated her as a man should. However she decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still married so hey, I respected her decision. I didn't even ram her! Because unlike the rest, I wanted it to be right. I'm multi-dimensional depending on the type of woman I meet.
> 
> So I don't see how I'm wasting my time - I do date too!


The old me would want to take you as a challenge. There are plenty of women with this mentality. They see you, you tell them how it is, and they think they will be able to change you.


----------



## ne9907

I dont know how to play the guitar yet... but i take a pretty selfie


----------



## Lon

RandomDude said:


> You see, that's the thing - *I have to be cold towards them*. I've had alot of experience with this prior to marriage and in the past I've encountered alot of problems - problems that even the singles here admit to having; emotional attachments.
> 
> Now my attitude towards them being f--kbuddies and nothing more - *it's based on the rules that I developed over time to minimise attachment*. My FB (I agree - FB is a better term) did leave and I didn't chase her - she came back on her own. I respect their space and their own decisions. If they don't like the arrangement then whatever, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
> 
> The other one that I had at the same time I had to ditch, so sure, sometimes this ruleset doesn't work, and the reason why it didn't work with THAT one is because I allowed myself to be nicer/more respectful to the point she stopped seeing me as the ice cold bastard who's only good for one thing.
> 
> I maybe going through the same thing with my current FB but I'm not so sure - I'll have to confront next time I see her. So you see, there's a reason I'm a bastard to them.
> 
> Now I don't treat ALL women like that, *only those who I don't consider anything more then FBs*, and I make my intentions known that they are NOTHING else to me. Some others however earn my respect and I start seeing them as "potentials" instead of FB-material; like the last date.
> 
> The last date I was fond of her, and treated her as a man should. However she decided she can't get over the fact that I'm still married so hey, I respected her decision. I didn't even ram her! Because unlike the rest, I wanted it to be right. I'm multi-dimensional depending on the type of woman I meet.
> 
> So I don't see how I'm wasting my time - I do date too!


You yourself were the one to suggest your time was being wasted when these FB's of yours started seeing YOU as their potentials. But what I'm not sure really hits home for you is that is is all about your choices.

If you want to continue having FB's to ram, and have your set of rules as to how that works for you, then great have at it. Just don't complain about when things go off track because things are going exactly how your rules have been setup to deal with that.

The other thing I am reminded of in your last comment, is to how you don't want to just ram potentials you want to do it right - reminds me of a thread (may have been a fake one) where a female poster was multi-dating and putting out for the badboy, but being a good-girl for the niceguy, and years later when the niceguy who she married found out he was heartbroken and rejected.

It just all seems so disengenuous. Why can't you just be yourself and appreciate women for all they have to offer, not just categorize as "potential" and "FB only"? That way your "rules" would no longer prevent you from being able to find something of quality, a woman who is a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets?

But I suspect your rules are not setup to filter out the bad women in this world, I think they are setup to maximize the drama that drives you


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? The rules are setup to prevent emo attachment, and are for FBs only - dating is another thing.

And I don't ram my FBs on the side while dating someone.

As for categorisation; there will always be women I that have qualities that I look for in a relationship and always those who don't - I just have a use for the latter!

I don't see how I'm closing myself off from dating as I do still date!



> The old me would want to take you as a challenge. There are plenty of women with this mentality. They see you, you tell them how it is, and they think they will be able to change you.


I know, tis cute! 
But no! Not going to happen!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I dont know how to play the guitar yet... but i take a pretty selfie



Yes, definitely a pretty picture. You should learn how to play, too.


----------



## moxy

So, I know this is a can of worms, but...can men and women just be friends? 

I had a very confusing phone conversation with a guy friend of mine earlier today that left me feeling incredibly frustrated and puzzled. 

Maybe I am putting out the wrong kind of vibe these days. How can I tell?

Oh, hell, I really wish my hot neighbor was still my neighbor, today. I'm being a little glib because I actually kinda have a crush on him again and it's too bad he moved away. I'm not heartbroken, just pouty. I could meet someone else, but...


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> So, I know this is a can of worms, but...can men and women just be friends?


Sure

Sometimes I don't get why people keep asking tis question!


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> I dont know how to play the guitar yet... but i take a pretty selfie


Love it...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> So, I know this is a can of worms, but...can men and women just be friends?


Not if there is any sexual attraction, IMO. It will never remain "just friends"


----------



## Jellybeans

Yes, they can be friends. 

In a lot of cases though that isn't what goes down because one side may feel something for the other. Once that happens, the dynamic changes.

Moxy, this topic (is one of my favorites) and there have been several threads done on it. When yo have some time, read through them because it is really interesting how different people view it. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I had a very confusing phone conversation with a guy friend of mine earlier today that left me feeling incredibly frustrated and puzzled.
> 
> Maybe I am putting out the wrong kind of vibe these days. How can I tell?


Expand, please.


----------



## bandit.45

I had a good female friend through high school and my twenties. We ceased to be friends when I beat the sh!t out of her boyfriend when I caught him stealing from me. She didn't talk to me for ten years or so. We've mended fences since but it is still awkward being around her on the rare occasions when I see her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Yes, they can be friends.
> 
> In a lot of cases though that isn't what goes down because one side may feel something for the other. Once that happens, the dynamic changes.


And tis can be awkward =/


----------



## familyfirst09

Had date with online guy last night...we met in a park and went for a walk, chatted...wow the sexual chemistry was over the top I must say...but..he left way before I thought he was going to, with a pretty lame excuse and I have not heard from him. altho he did ask when I was free again before he left. in the end, it kinda felt like I was an apppitizer before the main course lol. So perhaps he had another date lined up after me. 

It was fun tho, holy frig he was hot I have to say, haven't seen a body like that in ages...but I don't think there would be anymore to it than just casual which I'm not looking for. but wowzers...lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

And what are the "rules" around contact after a first date?? I am not planning on contacting him figured if he wanted something more he would reach out. Is that a good way to think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Well since he left early with a lame excuse, I'd let him contact you again first... 

Did he mention going out again?

I do like to do a little "I had a really nice time" sometimes. If he responds, great, if he doesn't or doesn't elude to having a nice time/wanting to go out again, then I forget him.


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> And what are the "rules" around contact after a first date?? I am not planning on contacting him figured if he wanted something more he would reach out. Is that a good way to think?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now after the first date I always let them contact me....but im not sitting around waiting for a text either..lol


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> So, I know this is a can of worms, but...can men and women just be friends?
> 
> I had a very confusing phone conversation with a guy friend of mine earlier today that left me feeling incredibly frustrated and puzzled.
> 
> Maybe I am putting out the wrong kind of vibe these days. How can I tell?
> 
> Oh, hell, I really wish my hot neighbor was still my neighbor, today. I'm being a little glib because I actually kinda have a crush on him again and it's too bad he moved away. I'm not heartbroken, just pouty. I could meet someone else, but...


Hmmm
I would like to think so, but experience has shown me otherwise. THe one that still hurts goes is from 17 years ago, I had an amazing guy friend. We were confidants, did things together, etc. He moved away, we eventually lost touch. I found him on FB and he totally cold shouldered me. 

However, I think I am developing a pen pal friendship with someone. He is a neat person and I enjoy our small converstations.


----------



## unsure78

ok guys..so i just received a small gift (less than $20) from one of the guys im seeing.. two passes to go somewhere for me and my DS.....

Is this normal? Like my exh never gave gifts, the engy I got one small one and we dated a year...im mean i get flowers sometimes from some of the guys im seeing but thats it.. Im used to giving the gifts not getting them, so I actually feel kinda uncomfortable with it...is this just my issues coming thru?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> So, I know this is a can of worms, but...can men and women just be friends?
> 
> I had a very confusing phone conversation with a guy friend of mine earlier today that left me feeling incredibly frustrated and puzzled.
> 
> Maybe I am putting out the wrong kind of vibe these days. How can I tell?
> 
> Oh, hell, I really wish my hot neighbor was still my neighbor, today. I'm being a little glib because I actually kinda have a crush on him again and it's too bad he moved away. I'm not heartbroken, just pouty. I could meet someone else, but...





familyfirst09 said:


> And what are the "rules" around contact after a first date?? I am not planning on contacting him figured if he wanted something more he would reach out. Is that a good way to think?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is a great way to think. DOnt let them see you sweat. Enjoy their company, but dont need it. 

However, a simple text with "I enjoyed our walk last night, thank you" is easy and noncommittal.

Oh I have a date for tomorrow night, yeah, it is with Mr Irsh who has been divorced 3x!
Also, he said his son would be at his mothers from Thursday to Monday. No sex for him yet. If ever. Am I wrong for using him until I find someone better?


----------



## 06Daddio08

"Am I wrong for using him until I find someone better".

If that's the way you put it, yup.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Is this normal? Like my exh never gave gifts, the engy I got one small one and we dated a year...im mean i get flowers sometimes from some of the guys im seeing but thats it.. Im used to giving the gifts not getting them, so I actually feel kinda uncomfortable with it...is this just my issues coming thru?


It's not abnormal... lol. I think you should thank him for the thoughtfulness. And yes, when people care, sometimes they give gifts. It's sad your ex never did that for you. I think it's always weird to experience something new but in this case, it's a good something new.



ne9907 said:


> Am I wrong for using him until I find someone better?


Eh, well when you word it that way...

I mean I prob wouldn't want some guy saying that about me...

If it's just to pass the time together let him know you aren't feeling him and want to be friends. or that you just want to go on dates casually. 

I mean I prob wouldn't want some guy saying that about me...



06Daddio08 said:


> "Am I wrong for using him until I find someone better".
> 
> If that's the way you put it, yup.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lol. What's the big grin for?


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> "Am I wrong for using him until I find someone better".
> 
> If that's the way you put it, yup.


Ugh, I am turning into the female version of RD except I dont want to do any ramming...... For once in my life, I do not want sex. I tried to pleasure myself last night, but I just could not do it.... was sad.



Jellybeans said:


> If it's just to pass the time together let him know you aren't feeling him and want to be friends. or that you just want to go on dates casually.


Yep, I will hold off on any decision until tomorrow evening. Then I will tell him. Yes, I am wrong for using him to soothe my restless time.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Ugh, *I am turning into the female version of RD* except I dont want to do any ramming...... For once in my life, I do not want sex. I tried to pleasure myself last night, but I just could not do it.... was sad.


I noticed...actually a few of you here. Just slightly different versions, like different characters but playing the same role but your way.
It is like it's contagious. Very interesting to watch to say the least.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Lol. What's the big grin for?


Because we said basically the same thing.

Get outta my head, man!


----------



## Lon

moxy said:


> Yes, definitely a pretty picture. You should learn how to play, too.


speaking of playing guitar, I have a date tonight with my GF who surprised me with tickets to Tommy Emmanuel... When I saw he was coming to town she noticed I got super excited, the guy is one of the most amazing players I've watched, and now I get to live in person. I was going to see the show no matter, but that she got the tickets before I did was pretty awesome, makes me feel pretty lucky!


----------



## Ikaika

Ugh, strummy strummy guitar players. Doesn't anyone recognize the most important instrument in the band?


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> Well since he left early with a lame excuse, I'd let him contact you again first...
> 
> Did he mention going out again?
> 
> I do like to do a little "I had a really nice time" sometimes. If he responds, great, if he doesn't or doesn't elude to having a nice time/wanting to go out again, then I forget him.



Yes he did mention it. Said he was glad he finally got to meet me and we kissed as well...it was pretty hot...but nothing over the top. Asked when I was free again. I told him a bit this weekend he said he has his son but could get a babysitter. 

But again, it was just how he left so soon, it was odd but it could just be the way I think, trust issues and all. 

For the past few mornings since we started chatting he would text me in the morning around a certain time to say good morning. But he didn't today. So my gut is saying I won't hear from him. But I'm also not sitting and waiting either, having a nice chat with another guy on line who seems pretty decent. Its a bit odd for me because i don't consider myself a "serial" dater but I guess I have to try.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

drerio said:


> Ugh, strummy strummy guitar players. Doesn't anyone recognize the most important instrument in the band?


If it were a band, I agree bass lays down the soul of the music. Tommy Emmanuel is all solo. One man and his acoustic guitar(s).


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Because we said basically the same thing.
> 
> Get outta my head, man!


I'm pretty much no bullsh1t all the time, so I guess whenever you go no bullsh1t we synchronize!


----------



## Jellybeans

We can call ours the "No Bullsh1t Podcast!" Hosted by Daddio & Jelly.


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> If it were a band, I agree bass lays down the soul of the music. Tommy Emmanuel is all solo. One man and his acoustic guitar(s).



And, sometime bass players can do solo 

http://youtu.be/PA-ZKDOoBnk


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



drerio said:


> And, sometime bass players can do solo
> 
> http://youtu.be/PA-ZKDOoBnk


Wooten is fantastic bassist… back in my high school band days I used to get to watch Brian Bromberg up close teaching a couple bass clinics, that was cool.


----------



## Lon

I learned a new word today... for your entertainment ladies and gentlemen:

Gurning

(edit: depending on where you work, someone out there somewhere may consider this NSFW, but there is no nudity or anything like that)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Well that was awkward!

I went out on a date and the guy said to choose the location. I did some research and found a place, it has a set menu - 2 different choices of entrees - with different seating times for lunch. The menu is posted clearly online. He was nothing but enthusiastic and made reservations and met me there.
He sat without eating his soup. I thought he'd forgotten about it, nope doesn't eat broccoli, doesn't like Gouda cheese that's on it. Next the salad. Ate half of it, doesn't like so much greens, guess he's an iceberg lettuce guy. Then came the entrees, the waitress had described them both, he said why not get one of each then. I let it slide that I usually eat vegan, the other entree was two different kinds of meat, in peppers (to which I'm allergic.) He just picked at it and then let it sit. I dug in, just left the peppers behind. Dessert was the same - he did not eat his. Not once did he complain about anything, but it was so awkward. I did not want the food going back to the kitchen like that and being wasted, honestly it was so good I would have eaten the soup and the rest of the salad. 

Why would someone agree to go to a restaurant knowing that they weren't going to eat anything? Did he not realize how awkward it would be for me to be eating while he just sat there with his food in front of him.

So then, he tells me during the meal that he only eats pasta and salad, or steak and potatoes and that's pretty much it, he has no use for food otherwise and is not into dining. 

He happily paid the bill. No passive aggressiveness, nothing.

Of course I won't continue to date him, it would just be too weird, meal after meal of eating separately, cooking separately, shopping separately. He has a bread business, I couldn't believe the homemade garlic bread sticks he did not eat at all.

He did however, eat some packaged crackers. Too funny.

He was likeable. And I'd known him for a few weeks, and he could have easily suggested a different place or negotiated for a place that would suit us both, as I asked straight out if it was his kind of place (it wasn't, after all...)
It was just awkward. I realize he was trying to make me happy, but instead the waitstaff were really confused and it was just weird.

Next month when the menu changes, I'm going back on my own. It's a place that's way out in nowhere, but the food is amazing, and the atmosphere is really beautiful, the service and seating area very comfortable, warm, welcoming.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker I have a friend who is like that. He eats to live, to survive. His entire diet is plain ham and cheese or baloney and cheese sandwiches. Plain. No lettuce, veggies or condiments. He eats these every weeknight. Breakfast is Cheerios , every frickin day. On Saturday evenings he will spring for a cheap steak, baked potato (plain) and corn or peas from a can. He hates sauces of any kind. He will not eat out , will not try anything new or rotely exotic. Hates pizza, hates wings, hates spaghetti , hates chicken of any kind. 

I am constantly telling him there is something seriously mentally wrong with him but he just smiles and gnaws on his dry sandwich.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

There is so much joy in discovering the tastes of unusual and interesting foods. Your friend is missing out.

Lon, the word reminds me of Scotland. Why is the link not safe for work?


----------



## 06Daddio08

And people think I eat ridiculously..


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> There is so much joy in discovering the tastes of unusual and interesting foods. Your friend is missing out.
> ?


He's a social moron. I honestly don't know why I've stayed friends with him for 40 years. Think Forest Gump with a high IQ. He has no sense of style, no taste in food , no taste in cars or clothes. He still watches a tube TV. He's been married twice. Neither marriage lasted more than three years. His wives left him because they literally got sick of him within that time. He makes $200k a year but lives in a 1300 square foot track home and drives a little Ford mini truck. 

He designs and builds computers from scratch, yet I have to help him put together IKEA furniture. He's a good guy but a pain in the freakin ass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> He's a social moron. I honestly don't know why I've stayed friends with him for 40 years. Think Forest Gump with a high IQ. He has no sense of style, no taste in food , no taste in cars or clothes. He still watches a tube TV. He's been married twice. Neither marriage lasted more than three years. His wives left him because they literally got sick of him within that time. He makes $200k a year but lives in a 1300 square foot track home and drives a little Ford mini truck.
> 
> He designs and builds computers from scratch, yet I have to help him put together IKEA furniture. He's a good guy but a pain in the freakin ass.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is he a capricorn lol?


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> I learned a new word today... for your entertainment ladies and gentlemen:
> 
> Gurning
> 
> (edit: depending on where you work, someone out there somewhere may consider this NSFW, but there is no nudity or anything like that)


I invented a word "seeable" haha, but then I realized it is a real word...... shame on me!!!

I was talking to Irish earlier, I came to town earlier because I have a 4 day weekend yay!!! 
Anyway, he is pretty tired and did not want to watch Xmen at midnight, but he said that doesn't mean he did not want to see me
So I said Yeah, I am very seeable..... wtf??? haha...

On another news, maybe this is pretty lame and generic but this is my "about me" on match (critize away)

“I am a wannabe nerd. Looking for an outdoor type man, quiet, nerd, intelligent, and compassionate towards our fellow human beings. 
Doesn't take himself too seriously, likes to read, preferably sci fi genre, but also enjoys a campfire and to drink a few beers."

On pets: I wrote that I want a Hogwarts owl and an unicorn. Location, I should have put Narnia, but did not give me that option!

Maybe men think I am just a goof!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well that was awkward!
> 
> I went out on a date and the guy said to choose the location. I did some research and found a place, it has a set menu - 2 different choices of entrees - with different seating times for lunch. The menu is posted clearly online. He was nothing but enthusiastic and made reservations and met me there.
> He sat without eating his soup. I thought he'd forgotten about it, nope doesn't eat broccoli, doesn't like Gouda cheese that's on it. Next the salad. Ate half of it, doesn't like so much greens, guess he's an iceberg lettuce guy. Then came the entrees, the waitress had described them both, he said why not get one of each then. I let it slide that I usually eat vegan, the other entree was two different kinds of meat, in peppers (to which I'm allergic.) He just picked at it and then let it sit. I dug in, just left the peppers behind. Dessert was the same - he did not eat his. Not once did he complain about anything, but it was so awkward. I did not want the food going back to the kitchen like that and being wasted, honestly it was so good I would have eaten the soup and the rest of the salad.
> 
> Why would someone agree to go to a restaurant knowing that they weren't going to eat anything? Did he not realize how awkward it would be for me to be eating while he just sat there with his food in front of him.
> 
> So then, he tells me during the meal that he only eats pasta and salad, or steak and potatoes and that's pretty much it, he has no use for food otherwise and is not into dining.
> 
> He happily paid the bill. No passive aggressiveness, nothing.
> 
> Of course I won't continue to date him, it would just be too weird, meal after meal of eating separately, cooking separately, shopping separately. He has a bread business, I couldn't believe the homemade garlic bread sticks he did not eat at all.
> 
> He did however, eat some packaged crackers. Too funny.
> 
> He was likeable. And I'd known him for a few weeks, and he could have easily suggested a different place or negotiated for a place that would suit us both, as I asked straight out if it was his kind of place (it wasn't, after all...)
> It was just awkward. I realize he was trying to make me happy, but instead the waitstaff were really confused and it was just weird.
> 
> Next month when the menu changes, I'm going back on my own. It's a place that's way out in nowhere, but the food is amazing, and the atmosphere is really beautiful, the service and seating area very comfortable, warm, welcoming.


Ulitmate nice guy? Not sure. But very awkward, I agree.

Just take it as he was someone who showed you a fantastic new place for you and your friends to enjoy WITHOUT HIM LOL

I absolutely love fine dining...and now am craving gouda after reading your description of the menu


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I invented a word "seeable" haha, but then I realized it is a real word...... shame on me!!!
> 
> 
> 
> I was talking to Irish earlier, I came to town earlier because I have a 4 day weekend yay!!!
> 
> Anyway, he is pretty tired and did not want to watch Xmen at midnight, but he said that doesn't mean he did not want to see me
> 
> So I said Yeah, I am very seeable..... wtf??? haha...
> 
> 
> 
> On another news, maybe this is pretty lame and generic but this is my "about me" on match (critize away)
> 
> 
> 
> “I am a wannabe nerd. Looking for an outdoor type man, quiet, nerd, intelligent, and compassionate towards our fellow human beings.
> 
> Doesn't take himself too seriously, likes to read, preferably sci fi genre, but also enjoys a campfire and to drink a few beers."
> 
> 
> 
> On pets: I wrote that I want a Hogwarts owl and an unicorn. Location, I should have put Narnia, but did not give me that option!
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe men think I am just a goof!



Ne, you wrote a lot about the kind of guy you want, but what about you? Wouldn't you like to include some more stuff about yourself? I don't know much about match.com, so if that's the convention on the website, never mind my suggestion...


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Ne, you wrote a lot about the kind of guy you want, but what about you? Wouldn't you like to include some more stuff about yourself? I don't know much about match.com, so if that's the convention on the website, never mind my suggestion...


It is not the norm to write much about the match we want.

I probably should put some thought into describing myself, as I am paying for the subscription!!

Is it okay to continue browsing match if I am talking to someone?

FYI: I found old boyfriend on match, my heart skipped a beat. No, I will not contact him, as I burned that bridge sometime last year. Right after my separation, I chased that man like a hound does a fox..... I was a virtual nightmare!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

I've totally been focusing on myself and Khloe the past month. Really picking up my exercise routines and since the weather has been nicer going hiking now as much as I can. Started running this week. Really enjoying it. Taking my dog out into the woods is just so relaxing for me. 

Not doing online dating anymore. Its summertime. I want to meet someone in person. Someone active. Someone who loves to hike and maybe has a dog. 

Still in contact with disc golf and the previous guy but I don't reach out, I don't setup plans. Haven't seen disc golf in 3 weeks, plan b haven't heard from in over a week. 

Eh, whatever. I ain't got time for that. I'm tan, getting in shape and got my beemer ready for driving. I'm ready for an exciting summer.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> *Not doing online dating anymore. Its summertime. I want to meet someone in person.* Someone active. Someone who loves to hike and maybe has a dog.


Same here. Not because it summertime, but yeah, I want to meet someone in person. I want that moment again. I feel like looking online so much, I kind of blocked out men around me. I am trying to pay more attention now, lol.


----------



## RandomDude

When I tried online dating I just put in the "about me" section something like:

- Classified -
Contact me for clearance

lol

I thought it would be lame but I was lazy and found it strange to describe myself in a few paragraphs, interesting I got quite a few replies


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> speaking of playing guitar, I have a date tonight with my GF who surprised me with tickets to Tommy Emmanuel... When I saw he was coming to town she noticed I got super excited, the guy is one of the most amazing players I've watched, and now I get to live in person. I was going to see the show no matter, but that she got the tickets before I did was pretty awesome, makes me feel pretty lucky!


Wow, that was unbelievable, I am in awe of Tommy Emmanuel, I don't think I will ever hear anything that compares. If any of you ever get the chance to hear the most fantastic acoustic guitar player ever, don't miss it!


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Is he a capricorn lol?


Oy! I'm a capricorn


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of starsigns, lets see if they really match...



> Like most other things in his life, the Capricorn man treats love seriously... He is not a flirt, nor a player. He believes in true love and will wait patiently for it, and when finding it, will work hard to keep it... The Capricorn man does not waste time with mind games.


... WTF :rofl:



> He is a closet romantic, deep, deep down underneath that thick hide.


Ey? Depends on the mood!



> The Capricorn man may surprise you in the bedroom, turning from tame goat to wild satyr in the space of time it takes you to turn the lights down low. In between the sheets, he will apply the same attention to detail he demonstrates in the boardroom to lovemaking and can be surprisingly passionate if and when he loses his inhibitions.


Since when was I ever tame? lol



> He's not a fan of role-plays, massage or fantasies


WTF! :rofl:



> He has high standards and will admire from afar before making his move.


Tis true, as I like to 'snipe' rather than 'machine gun'

Meh, I wonder if people really take starsigns seriously!


----------



## familyfirst09

So I never heard from online guy from the other night. And he dropped me from his favorites on the dating site. Did I get "ghosted"? Lol. 

Why do guys do that. Isn't it easy to say "hey had a nice time but I don't think we are a match" or something like that. Lol. So funny.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> So I never heard from online guy from the other night. And he dropped me from his favorites on the dating site. Did I get "ghosted"? Lol.
> 
> Why do guys do that. Isn't it easy to say "hey had a nice time but I don't think we are a match" or something like that. Lol. So funny.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because they are cowards. They don't want to deal with the hassle of a 'confrontation', even though it isn't really one.


----------



## familyfirst09

Coward was the word that came to my mind as well. Just don't understand the big production when he left - the kiss, asking me when I was free, saying he would get a sitter. Lol so odd. I wonder how many frogs I gotta go thru? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



familyfirst09 said:


> Coward was the word that came to my mind as well. Just don't understand the big production when he left - the kiss, asking me when I was free, saying he would get a sitter. Lol so odd. I wonder how many frogs I gotta go thru? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will go through a few, the key is to not make it into more than it really is.


----------



## familyfirst09

I'm not. One of my girlfriends did online dating for a while and she has a bunch of hilarious stories. So we're looking forward to sharing our funny stories.  he's not the right if he doesn't think he's the right one for me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> So I never heard from online guy from the other night. And he dropped me from his favorites on the dating site. Did I get "ghosted"? Lol.
> 
> Why do guys do that. Isn't it easy to say "hey had a nice time but I don't think we are a match" or something like that. Lol. So funny.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's less hurtful after a FIRST date than it is after SEVERAL times out but damn, it still sucks. Is this the same guy you said you felt wasn't very into you? The one who left early with a lame excuse and you weren't feeling like he liked you? if so, then I'm not surprised.

People are dumba$$es. I am from the school of "I don't think we're a match" instead of "I'd love to see you again/let's plan something/see you soon?" It is respectful of both peoples' time/feelings to just be up front.



Fenix said:


> Because they are cowards. They don't want to deal with the hassle of a 'confrontation', even though it isn't really one.


True.


----------



## caladan

ne9907 said:


> I invented a word "seeable" haha, but then I realized it is a real word...... shame on me!!!
> 
> I was talking to Irish earlier, I came to town earlier because I have a 4 day weekend yay!!!
> Anyway, he is pretty tired and did not want to watch Xmen at midnight, but he said that doesn't mean he did not want to see me
> So I said Yeah, I am very seeable..... wtf??? haha...
> 
> On another news, maybe this is pretty lame and generic but this is my "about me" on match (critize away)
> 
> “I am a wannabe nerd. Looking for an outdoor type man, quiet, nerd, intelligent, and compassionate towards our fellow human beings.
> Doesn't take himself too seriously, likes to read, preferably sci fi genre, but also enjoys a campfire and to drink a few beers."
> 
> On pets: I wrote that I want a Hogwarts owl and an unicorn. Location, I should have put Narnia, but did not give me that option!
> 
> Maybe men think I am just a goof!


Nothing wrong with your profile. I also have some scifi and fantasy references in my dating profiles. If I'm not getting hits based on them, I'm okay with that. I'm pretty sure I don't want to be with anyone who is unable to at least appreciate where those references come from.

PS - My dragon beats (and eats) both your owl and unicorn.


----------



## RandomDude

familyfirst09 said:


> So I never heard from online guy from the other night. And he dropped me from his favorites on the dating site. Did I get "ghosted"? Lol.
> 
> Why do guys do that. Isn't it easy to say "hey had a nice time but I don't think we are a match" or something like that. Lol. So funny.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Fenix said:


> Because they are cowards. They don't want to deal with the hassle of a 'confrontation', even though it isn't really one.


:scratchhead:

And I thought tis a woman thing! Personally I consider it the lamest way to let someone go, but it happens alot - and it's even to be expected nowadays.

So don't let it bother you



Jellybeans said:


> I think it's less hurtful after a FIRST date than it is after SEVERAL times out but damn, it still sucks. Is this the same guy you said you felt wasn't very into you? The one who left early with a lame excuse and you weren't feeling like he liked you? if so, then I'm not surprised.
> 
> People are dumba$$es. I am from the school of "I don't think we're a match" instead of "I'd love to see you again/let's plan something/see you soon?" It is respectful of both peoples' time/feelings to just be up front.


=/

Why not just consider it 'unspoken communication', shake your head at how pathetic they are then move on.

Personally I don't even allow myself to be annoyed by such people


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Oy! I'm a capricorn


Ehh I can see it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> Ulitmate nice guy? Not sure. But very awkward, I agree.
> 
> Just take it as he was someone who showed you a fantastic new place for you and your friends to enjoy WITHOUT HIM LOL
> 
> I absolutely love fine dining...and now am craving gouda after reading your description of the menu


Far too codependent for me. Nothing to do with nice, has to do with he thinks he needs to be overly agreeable to be desirable. And obviously it backfired. Nobody likes to eat alone and have their date sit not eating and sending food untouched back to the kitchen in a place like that.

I picked the place, I asked him if it was okay for him, as there is a set menu, and pointed that out to him. If he had picked it then it would have been even more weird.

He'll make someone a nice catch, just not me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Beautiful weekend coming up, 2 parties, today and tomorrow will make it 6, 7 days at the gym and I scored a sweet deal on new tires. Time to spend a while at the park me thinks!


----------



## Jellybeans

Pretty much perfect, Daddio.



RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> And I thought tis a woman thing!


Surely you jest. Men do this sh!t all the time!

HOmemaker--I only skimmed your post about the guy bu tI don't see it has such a huge offense? He asked you to pick a place you liked and you did and he went there with you. Sure, it's odd if he only had a soup but maybe he's a picky eater? Was he rude/disrespectful to you? Only talked about himself? Invited you out and expected you to pay for everything? I guess if he were those things or a jacka$$ I could understand why you're upset but if i'ts just cause he only had a soup and eats some things you may not, I don't really see why it's such a bad thing? :scratchhead: Nonetheless, if it's a dealbreaker for you what he did, then just let him know you're not interested.


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> He's a social moron. I honestly don't know why I've stayed friends with him for 40 years. Think Forest Gump with a high IQ. He has no sense of style, no taste in food , no taste in cars or clothes.


Yeowch. And you call him your friend? Doesn't even sound like you like him.


----------



## unsure78

familyfirst09 said:


> So I never heard from online guy from the other night. And he dropped me from his favorites on the dating site. Did I get "ghosted"? Lol.
> 
> Why do guys do that. Isn't it easy to say "hey had a nice time but I don't think we are a match" or something like that. Lol. So funny.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If he dropped you from his favorites and never contacted hes not interested...Its pretty common with online dating after only one date that's the way people show they are not interested...and it goes both ways actually 

I think getting "ghosted" is really if you have been out with someone more than a few times then they drop off....


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Ehh I can see it.


:scratchhead:

Ey? What makes me so capricorn then?



Jellybeans said:


> Surely you jest. Men do this sh!t all the time!


Well - I've never been on the receiving end of MEN doing that to me so... lol

Hence I thought tis a woman thing! But it's cross-gender it seems, so henceforth I now find those men rather womanly! (No offense  )


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> You will go through a few, the key is to not make it into more than it really is.


LOL glad you are listening to this piece of advice


----------



## vi_bride04

Lots of plans this weekend, all for me - hiking, hair did, washing my car, more hiking, yardwork and there is a March against Monsanto rally I am going to tomorrow.  

Looking forward to recharging myself.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Lots of plans this weekend, all for me - hiking, hair did, washing my car, more hiking, yardwork and there is a March against Monsanto rally I am going to tomorrow.
> 
> Looking forward to recharging myself.


that sounds like a good weekend


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> Well - I've never been on the receiving end of MEN doing that to me so... lol
> 
> Hence I thought tis a woman thing! But it's cross-gender it seems, so henceforth I now find those men rather womanly! (No offense  )


LOL you have been amusing lately Random


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> If he dropped you from his favorites and never contacted hes not interested...


Agreed.



unsure78 said:


> I think getting "ghosted" is really if you have been out with someone more than a few times then they drop off....


Also agree.



RandomDude said:


> :
> Well - I've never been on the receiving end of MEN doing that to me so... lol


Ha! True.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> LOL glad you are listening to this piece of advice


I've been on 4 dates with different women and you don't see me dissecting their every move (or lack of).


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> LOL you have been amusing lately Random


I have my FB back for now so I'm no longer Mr. Grumpy pants!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o

"Having sex can make a nice man out the meanest!"


----------



## moxy

Having sex makes most people something other than grumpy, RD.

So, I think I have a date this weekend. We'll see how it goes. The guy is smart and hot and he doesn't seem like a jerk, so far. I'm also giving a reading this weekend. So I'll be on the road a lot over the next few days.


----------



## Jellybeans

Smart + Hot = Winning



Have fun, Moxy! What will you be reading?


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Smart + Hot = Winning
> 
> 
> 
> Have fun, Moxy! What will you be reading?



Plus, tattoos and a sorta Mohawk: things that make me smile. /swoon.

I'll be reading poems from my collection with a couple of other folks from my press at a gallery.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I've been on 4 dates with different women and you don't see me dissecting their every move (or lack of).


HAHAHAH.. you know i love you UP and agree after the date you dont but before the date you get your expectations going....

(analyzing dates is kinda a woman thing anyway...)


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I'll be reading poems from my collection with a couple of other folks from my press at a gallery.


Sweet!  That sounds like sooo much fun!


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> (analyzing dates is kinda a woman thing anyway...)


:rofl::iagree:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Pretty much perfect, Daddio.
> 
> 
> 
> Surely you jest. Men do this sh!t all the time!
> 
> HOmemaker--I only skimmed your post about the guy bu tI don't see it has such a huge offense? He asked you to pick a place you liked and you did and he went there with you. Sure, it's odd if he only had a soup but maybe he's a picky eater? Was he rude/disrespectful to you? Only talked about himself? Invited you out and expected you to pay for everything? I guess if he were those things or a jacka$$ I could understand why you're upset but if i'ts just cause he only had a soup and eats some things you may not, I don't really see why it's such a bad thing? :scratchhead: Nonetheless, if it's a dealbreaker for you what he did, then just let him know you're not interested.


Maybe you don't understand "set menu" and seating times in small places. There aren't that many restaurants that do this.
You look at the menu before. And, the food is prepared for the people who are coming (less waste) by reservation only, there were about 8 people dining when we were there. 

To go to a place where you have seen what's being served on the set menu, and then not to eat anything, and just sit there acting like nothing is wrong and cheerfully and without any apology send plate after plate back to the kitchen is ridiculously rude, both to your date as well as to the owner-chef of the establishment. This is probably one of the strangest things I've ever seen anyone do. 

If you have never sat and eaten a meal under these circumstances, where your date sent plate after plate back virtually untouched, without explanation or apology, and had to sit there and eat, while date watched you, then there's no way you could know how awkward and wrong it was. Rude and disrespecful, yes. Nowhere in the world I have traveled and eaten would this occur. 

He was also seemingly blissfully unaware of how odd and troubling it was to everyone: me, the waitstaff, the chef, the hostess, the other couple sitting at another table in our room.

It's not cool to go to a place like this and do that. And to go to a place like this without the intention of enjoying the meal together with your date. The menu was clearly explained online and he did look at the place, I pointed out it was a set menu when I picked it, to make sure he liked the food. The food is the whole point of this place, along with the setting. It's a place that grows a lot of their own stuff, and the menu changes each month. 

His boundaries were also off a bit. 
We went to a movie after and I was already so full, he insisted on buying popcorn and would not let me rest until I had some, then he kept telling me where it was. I ended up forgetting about it during the movie. He did not eat any of it. There were only 4 people in the movie theatre, I took my drink container and napkins to throw them away, he left behind a huge mess, tickets, napkins, drink, straw wrapper, popcorn... Most people I know carry their own trash out of the theatre and put it in the bins. Just a small thing, but he could not take my word for it that I did not want any popcorn. I thought he got it because he was hungry...after not eating lunch...


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Maybe you don't understand "set menu" and seating times in small places.


Um...Did my comment upset you or something? That reads kind of prickly...

Either way, it's your date/life so you know best what works for you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> His boundaries were also off a bit.
> We went to a movie after and I was already so full,* he insisted on buying popcorn and would not let me rest until I had some,* then he kept telling me where it was. I ended up forgetting about it during the movie. He did not eat any of it. There were only 4 people in the movie theatre, I took my drink container and napkins to throw them away,* he left behind a huge mess, tickets, napkins, drink, straw wrapper, popcorn... *Most people I know carry their own trash out of the theatre and put it in the bins. Just a small thing, *but he could not take my word for it that I did not want any popcorn. * I thought he got it because he was hungry...after not eating lunch...


He sounds like my ex so much. 

And the dinner thing - geeeesh! Who does that at a place like that?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Um...Did my comment upset you or something? That reads kind of prickly...
> 
> Either way, it's your date/life so you know best what works for you.


I wanted to explain the place and how small and boutique it was, with the sittings and the set menu, to highlight the odd behavior. I did go out of my way to explain the set menu to him, and asked directly if it was okay with his tastes in food. I felt ambushed, to be honest, as if he knew he was going to do this? 

My guy friend from Australia said date was a real douche. And even he is very laid back, casual, and likes to 'rough it'.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> HAHAHAH.. you know i love you UP and agree after the date you dont but before the date you get your expectations going....
> 
> (analyzing dates is kinda a woman thing anyway...)


Of course I allow myself to get excited and even a little hopeful (gasp, lol). I take my time and don't rush into dates, I know things will be okay if it doesn't work out.


----------



## Jellybeans

Then you made a good choice axing him since you didn't like him.

I am not a fan of folks who leave all their trash everywhere at the movies/and elsewhere either.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Of course I allow myself to get excited and even a little hopeful (gasp, lol). I take my time and don't rush into dates, I know things will be okay if it doesn't work out.


The GOLDEN damn rule. And one of the biggest lessons that divorce tuaght me. 

Err'y ' ting will be ok, mon! ( Said in Jamaican accent).


----------



## Lon

Until I was in my early 20s I was an extremely picky eater. I wouldn't touch gouda, or most anything at most restaurants. I was perfectly content to not eat, but I didn't want my pickiness to prevent people around me from enjoying the things they like. I learned that it was better to pick what I wanted off my plate than try to force it down and not enjoy myself at all, or worse vomit it up. I was often aware my pickiness would make others uncomfortable so I would be as nonchalant about it as possible and try to minimize the awkwardness… however there was no way I was putting something in my mouth that I didn't want to eat or I thought would taste gross. 

As for the movie theater, I make a point to leave my garbage behind on the floor, because it is the only thing productive for those kids to do at that job… one of my good friends used to work at the cinema and he is the one that convinced me it was better for everyone if I left my garbage behind, it also ensures that the floors get cleaned properly and it helped prevent the managers from understaffing. 

The only thing I find unusual or disrespectful HNU, is that he was pressuring you to eat popcorn when you clearly didn't want to.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> The only thing I find unusual or disrespectful HNU, is that he was pressuring you to eat popcorn when you clearly didn't want to.


He could have said, "we can go but I don't want to eat anything there." Then at least the restaurant wouldn't have wasted the ingredients to make the food. Especially if he knew the type of place it was to begin with.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> He could have said, "we can go but I don't want to eat anything there." Then at least the restaurant wouldn't have wasted the ingredients to make the food. Especially if he knew the type of place it was to begin with.


And that would have been a lot less awkward? Like HNU would have felt better about it knowing he wasn't even going to consider anything there at all? To me that is slightly more rude to the restaurant. If you are in the food business you surely realize that some people will avoid certain foods, and a few will avoid a lot of foods. It was never anything personal against the restaurant or the staff and if they are professional they will completely understand.


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> So I never heard from online guy from the other night. And he dropped me from his favorites on the dating site. Did I get "ghosted"? Lol.
> 
> Why do guys do that. Isn't it easy to say "hey had a nice time but I don't think we are a match" or something like that. Lol. So funny.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you text him? What if he is waiting for your text? It has only been two days. 

Have any of you heard of Deep Inner Game??

Google it. Men follow rules as well. He may be doing this.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> I've been on 4 dates with different women and you don't see me dissecting their every move (or lack of).


That is because you are a man.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lon said:


> Until I was in my early 20s I was an extremely picky eater. I wouldn't touch gouda, or most anything at most restaurants. I was perfectly content to not eat, but I didn't want my pickiness to prevent people around me from enjoying the things they like. I learned that it was better to pick what I wanted off my plate than try to force it down and not enjoy myself at all, or worse vomit it up. I was often aware my pickiness would make others uncomfortable so I would be as nonchalant about it as possible and try to minimize the awkwardness… however there was no way I was putting something in my mouth that I didn't want to eat or I thought would taste gross.
> 
> As for the movie theater, I make a point to leave my garbage behind on the floor, because it is the only thing productive for those kids to do at that job… one of my good friends used to work at the cinema and he is the one that convinced me it was better for everyone if I left my garbage behind, it also ensures that the floors get cleaned properly and it helped prevent the managers from understaffing.
> 
> The only thing I find unusual or disrespectful HNU, is that he was pressuring you to eat popcorn when you clearly didn't want to.


Lon, I have a feeling you might have suggested a different restaurant, given the facts and the flexibility beforehand.

I didn't mention that instead of going to a movie, after the meal (or rather, my meal) he wanted to go to my apartment, which was a good hour in the opposite direction of where he needed to go back to. The date was arranged by *both of us* to be at a halfway point. There was no way I was letting a guy come to my apartment on a first date, to "see where I lived." He was also asking for my short stories, seemed obsessed about getting them to read them, although I assured him I was still in editing mode and not distributing them. He also wanted to keep touching my hair, and touch me while I was eating (and he wasn't...may have been the point of him not eating, to be free for touching and creating a distraction for me? Or some kind of BS test that if I passed he could count on pretty much just controlling me the rest of the time? No idea, I was happy to 'fail'. There was also a large amount of cash displayed, which didn't impress me much.)


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> There was also a large amount of cash displayed, which didn't impress me much.)


:iagree:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> He could have said, "we can go but I don't want to eat anything there." Then at least the restaurant wouldn't have wasted the ingredients to make the food. Especially if he knew the type of place it was to begin with.


That would have been the best solution!
If he phrased it like that and didn't specifically say, how about this other place (and suggest something, or a few others) because I don't care for what's on their menu, then at least I would have known that time spent with him/communicating with him would be awkward and would have just cancelled and told him I didn't think we'd be happy dating.

The other thing he did, was he got a work call right as the food was brought. So I sat waiting while my soup got cold also not eating and he said he needed to listen to the voicemail because it was work related. He left and I assumed he was going outside. Instead I heard him dialing and listening to the voice mail and then returning the call and making another to handle the work situation, in the next dining room which had other customers in it sitting eating their meals! 

When he got back, I listened while he explained to me everything I'd just heard, while he explained he did not eat, so I didn't either. Where I come from everyone starts eating at the same time, I picked up my spoon a couple times and held it poised, but he kept talking, so I put my spoon back down. After some minutes (where the wait staff kept checking on us, and mind you set meal with sittings, so there is a schedule for getting the food out onto the table hot, etc.) I pointed out his soup and he said, oh, I don't like broccoli, you go ahead and eat!

The meal was so delayed by the call and the waiting to eat my soup that we were served off-schedule the whole meal and left alone in the dining room...at which point he said I'd better hurry up because he thought the staff might want to turn over, etc.

Sigh.

Just a really weird and strange date.
He seemed so normal before this.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> That is because you are a man.


Men have the ability to do it as well, heck I made woman look sane 2 years ago. 

I'm an emotional man, it's my primary driving force and I'm not ashamed of it.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Lon, I have a feeling you might have suggested a different restaurant, given the facts and the flexibility beforehand.
> 
> I didn't mention that instead of going to a movie, after the meal (or rather, my meal) he wanted to go to my apartment, which was a good hour in the opposite direction of where he needed to go back to. The date was arranged by *both of us* to be at a halfway point. There was no way I was letting a guy come to my apartment on a first date, to "see where I lived." He was also asking for my short stories, seemed obsessed about getting them to read them, although I assured him I was still in editing mode and not distributing them. He also wanted to keep touching my hair, and touch me while I was eating (and he wasn't...may have been the point of him not eating, to be free for touching and creating a distraction for me? Or some kind of BS test that if I passed he could count on pretty much just controlling me the rest of the time? No idea, I was happy to 'fail'. There was also a large amount of cash displayed, which didn't impress me much.)


He was definitely playing some sort of game… by the sounds of it then… certainly no straight shooter


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wow HNU. That is rude and weird and I see how you felt very uncomfortable.

The food wasn't the issue - he saw the menu ahead of time and it was selected together. If he had a dietary limitation or simply didn't like the menu, he should have suggested a different place. And why would he even order just to send it all back? Rude AND weird. 

The whole touchy thing - ug. I'm afraid I would have been a bit *****y about that and smiled and said "You aren't a fan of personal space, are you? I AM." I wouldn't have even gone to the movies after that. 

My ex used to leave stuff at the theater and would joke that he did it to save the cleaning crew's job. I just thought he was being an ass. Now my daughter says that. But I make her pick up everything because that's just what we do - pick up after ourselves. The fact it's a theater doesn't make any difference. 

If the theater isn't cleaned well after hours because the patrons are too neat, eventually people will go to a different theater.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I much preferred the date I had back in the winter, who talked about how his gf stiffed him on sex after a romantic evening when he was all ready for her in bed, and then said she thought she belonged with her other boyfriend. 

We were skiing, he bragged about his brand new skis and then didn't want to go on the moguls or the more challenging slopes, guess he didn't want to hurt his brand new knees... he went down exactly the same slope making exactly the same turn, over and over again. (Wonder if like this in bed, didn't even try to find out.)

Anyhow with the theatre it was mid-day/late afternoon, there were only 4 people watching the movie and not very many staff. So leaving behind a mess made some work for someone, when it could have been avoided altogether. I might not have thought so much about it had it been packed and going to be messes to pick up anyhow for the staff.

The chances of having someone you know have to pick up after your mess is fairly high here, so people tend to be respectful and there is a degree of discomfort at having someone wait on you/pick up after you in the first place. The exception is being helped to your car with your groceries, if parked a few blocks away, you do the people a favor when you say yes to the offer. They love getting out.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lon said:


> He was definitely playing some sort of game… by the sounds of it then… certainly no straight shooter


I couldn't figure it out, he's either a real dufus and doesn't know better, or has a game where he plays the dufus. He seemed to also have some sort of scheme in his head of what I was supposed to do, i.e. roll my window down to tell him goodbye after he opened my door for me (i.e. "didn't you know you are supposed to roll your window down now and kiss me?") and wanted to kiss in the parking lot where everyone could see, as well as stroll off the grounds of the restaurant (which had gardens) and wanted to kiss me on some secluded residential high-end street...ummmm no, thank you.

Just weird. Weird weird weird. I'll take my Aussie friend's word for it and classify as douche though.

It seems he has gone to great lengths and expense to take a lot of dance lessons. I'm almost thinking he is the Ted Bundy type...scoping out prey?


----------



## Fenix

Well, I just have to say that a picky eater is a deal killer for me. Yes, I am judgey that way!


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Maybe you don't understand "set menu" and seating times in small places. There aren't that many restaurants that do this.
> You look at the menu before. And, the food is prepared for the people who are coming (less waste) by reservation only, there were about 8 people dining when we were there.
> 
> To go to a place where you have seen what's being served on the set menu, and then not to eat anything, and just sit there acting like nothing is wrong and cheerfully and without any apology send plate after plate back to the kitchen is ridiculously rude, both to your date as well as to the owner-chef of the establishment. This is probably one of the strangest things I've ever seen anyone do.
> 
> If you have never sat and eaten a meal under these circumstances, where your date sent plate after plate back virtually untouched, without explanation or apology, and had to sit there and eat, while date watched you, then there's no way you could know how awkward and wrong it was. Rude and disrespecful, yes. Nowhere in the world I have traveled and eaten would this occur.
> 
> He was also seemingly blissfully unaware of how odd and troubling it was to everyone: me, the waitstaff, the chef, the hostess, the other couple sitting at another table in our room.
> 
> It's not cool to go to a place like this and do that. And to go to a place like this without the intention of enjoying the meal together with your date. The menu was clearly explained online and he did look at the place, I pointed out it was a set menu when I picked it, to make sure he liked the food. The food is the whole point of this place, along with the setting. It's a place that grows a lot of their own stuff, and the menu changes each month.
> 
> His boundaries were also off a bit.
> We went to a movie after and I was already so full, he insisted on buying popcorn and would not let me rest until I had some, then he kept telling me where it was. I ended up forgetting about it during the movie. He did not eat any of it. There were only 4 people in the movie theatre, I took my drink container and napkins to throw them away, he left behind a huge mess, tickets, napkins, drink, straw wrapper, popcorn... Most people I know carry their own trash out of the theatre and put it in the bins. Just a small thing, but he could not take my word for it that I did not want any popcorn. I thought he got it because he was hungry...after not eating lunch...


Wow sounds like a no class loser.


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That would have been the best solution!
> If he phrased it like that and didn't specifically say, how about this other place (and suggest something, or a few others) because I don't care for what's on their menu, then at least I would have known that time spent with him/communicating with him would be awkward and would have just cancelled and told him I didn't think we'd be happy dating.
> 
> The other thing he did, was he got a work call right as the food was brought. So I sat waiting while my soup got cold also not eating and he said he needed to listen to the voicemail because it was work related. He left and I assumed he was going outside. Instead I heard him dialing and listening to the voice mail and then returning the call and making another to handle the work situation, in the next dining room which had other customers in it sitting eating their meals!
> 
> When he got back, I listened while he explained to me everything I'd just heard, while he explained he did not eat, so I didn't either. Where I come from everyone starts eating at the same time, I picked up my spoon a couple times and held it poised, but he kept talking, so I put my spoon back down. After some minutes (where the wait staff kept checking on us, and mind you set meal with sittings, so there is a schedule for getting the food out onto the table hot, etc.) I pointed out his soup and he said, oh, I don't like broccoli, you go ahead and eat!
> 
> The meal was so delayed by the call and the waiting to eat my soup that we were served off-schedule the whole meal and left alone in the dining room...at which point he said I'd better hurry up because he thought the staff might want to turn over, etc.
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> Just a really weird and strange date.
> He seemed so normal before this.


WTF?! There are people like this in the world? He is a douche for sure.


----------



## Another Planet

Concerning the leaving a mess at the theatre no ***n way!!! If I was there myself I might have *****ed him out for leaving a mess! That is rude and disrespectful, borderline narcissistic behavior honestly.
Just think what kind of mess he is going to leave for you when he thinks you need something to do? :/


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> WTF?! There are people like this in the world? He is a douche for sure.


Apparently enough to have it considered to be normal, on a first date... 

I'm sure in a big city people would not even think it was weird, but around here talking on a cell in a dining room at a boutique restaurant is quite the disturbance 

Leaving one's trash is neither here nor there, in a theatre. But it doesn't make a very good impression.

He told me three or four or even five times he had the carpets at his place cleaned ;-) so he must be very neat at home. Or maybe getting the carpets cleaned was that big a deal. 
Sexy talk on a first date, hey I got my carpets cleaned. :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Apparently enough to have it considered to be normal, on a first date...
> 
> I'm sure in a big city people would not even think it was weird, but around here talking on a cell in a dining room at a boutique restaurant is quite the disturbance
> 
> Leaving one's trash is neither here nor there, in a theatre. But it doesn't make a very good impression.
> 
> He told me three or four or even five times he had the carpets at his place cleaned ;-) so he must be very neat at home. Or maybe getting the carpets cleaned was that big a deal.
> Sexy talk on a first date, hey I got my carpets cleaned. :rofl:


If a woman did any of those things around me I would I have to tell her it's not happening.

The trash is NOT a here nor there thing. His reasoning for it was totally out of line, why does he get to decide what someone else needs to do? Are those people lesser then he so he gets to use them? I don't think so! He is a bad apple.


----------



## bandit.45

Everyone have a great holiday weekend! Get laid.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> If a woman did any of those things around me I would I have to tell her it's not happening.
> 
> The trash is NOT a here nor there thing. His reasoning for it was totally out of line, why does he get to decide what someone else needs to do? Are those people lesser then he so he gets to use them? I don't think so! He is a bad apple.


I thought you were yanking my chain, but apparently you have the same radar tuning as I do.

To be fair, I have spent entire days with people and they have done absolutely nothing to tee me off, and I was relaxed, did not have to be on my guard for the next offense. Trying to partner up with that one, is a long term undertaking unless the universe suddenly decides to do me a big favor.

I forgot, not sure if I mentioned here but told my friend, the date also used the term "The Bastards!" any number of times, and when I called him out on it politely, he said, oh, don't worry, I'll soon come up with something else. 

I met him at a social dance, and he was really very polite, glad I didn't go to another dance with him and decided to put him somewhere he could sink or swim. Kind of disappointed but not enough to cut corners.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Everyone have a great holiday weekend! Get laid.


For once, I do not want to get laid!!

I had another great conversation last night with a man I met on match, this is our second phone conversation. We spent two hours on the phone again, we talk about his dates, my dates, everything!

I may have a healthy crush on him (he is on the east coast).


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> For once, I do not want to get laid!!
> 
> I had another great conversation last night with a man I met on match, this is our second phone conversation. We spent two hours on the phone again, we talk about his dates, my dates, everything!
> 
> I may have a healthy crush on him (he is on the east coast).


Careful now, you don't wanna burn out!


----------



## ne9907

You all MUST watch Xmen: Days of Future Past!!

Soooo great!!!! I LOVED IT!!!!!!! 

I really enjoyed the following line

"I don't know Karate, but I know crazy"

I may make it my headline on match haha.

Oh yeah, I went to watch the movie with Irish guy. He is very handsome, cut his hair, looks very good, but no spark and I view him more like a friend. He is very cool. I do want to hang out with him again, but no romantic interest at all.

I love XMEN!


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Am I wrong for using him until I find someone better?


Not as long as you are comfortable with the possibility that he's doing the same. 

I mean c'mon, that's pretty much what dating is.


----------



## ne9907

Off to Vegas!!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Apparently enough to have it considered to be normal, on a first date...
> 
> I'm sure in a big city people would not even think it was weird, but around here talking on a cell in a dining room at a boutique restaurant is quite the disturbance
> 
> Leaving one's trash is neither here nor there, in a theatre. But it doesn't make a very good impression.
> 
> He told me three or four or even five times he had the carpets at his place cleaned ;-) so he must be very neat at home. Or maybe getting the carpets cleaned was that big a deal.
> Sexy talk on a first date, hey I got my carpets cleaned. :rofl:


No, that's not OK in big cities.  It's merely the habit of disrespectful people who weren't raised well enough to know to clean up after themselves.

As to carpets, maybe he was pointing that out in case you wanted to go back and get busy on the floor in front of a fire?:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Heading to March against Monsanto and couldn't ask for better weather! Such a gorgeous day.


----------



## Nsweet

Anybody know where I can kill some time talking about "sex" and "hats"?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Anybody know where I can kill some time talking about "sex" and "hats"?


Not on a Saturday.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Saw a sign on the side of the road today and initially misread it, with many apologies to the religious, I read it as 

"Alone is my refuge."

Too funny, and true.
Going to the movies ALONE tomorrow.
No worries, no hassle, no chitchat about how clean anyone's carpets are.


----------



## Nsweet

I recommend "Transcendence".


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet said:


> I recommend "Transcendence".


It looks good. But I need to escape from work, not watch horror films about slimy government contractors...

Going to see Fading Gigolo, that theatre has wine and really good popcorn, and since I used to volunwork there, it's a nice comfy place where I can blend in and relax in the dark, alone, nobody wanting to TOUCH MY HAIR or HOLD MY HAND or FORCE FEED ME average POPCORN.

I think I just peeved a guy off by not wanting to get together. He thought it would be good if I took a break from work and the honest truth is yes I am taking a break from work but I want to be alone because then it's truly relaxing. Being on a date with someone you don't know too well is not exactly relaxing.


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It looks good. But I need to escape from work, not watch horror films about slimy government contractors...
> 
> Going to see Fading Gigolo, that theatre has wine and really good popcorn, and since I used to volunwork there, it's a nice comfy place where I can blend in and relax in the dark, alone, nobody wanting to TOUCH MY HAIR or HOLD MY HAND or FORCE FEED ME average POPCORN.
> 
> I think I just peeved a guy off by not wanting to get together. He thought it would be good if I took a break from work and the honest truth is yes I am taking a break from work but I want to be alone because then it's truly relaxing. Being on a date with someone you don't know too well is not exactly relaxing.


Believe it or not, "Transcendence" isn't even about a corrupt government or anything you'd expect. Johnny Depp's character gets shot by a member of an anti-technology rebellion and contracts radiation poison from the bullet. He puts his own mind in the computer using technology he invented to preserve his dying body. Now where as most movies would focus on man vs machine and a computer that grows more dominant over time, this movie takes a completely different spin. Think plot twists and some cool CGI with lots of nanobots. 

Damn HMNU, are you even sure you're ready to be dating again?


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

muskrat said:


> That guy sounds like an absolute NO. He has stage 5 written all over him!!


Have to ask ... what is "stage 5"?


----------



## RandomDude

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Have to ask ... what is "stage 5"?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ZO1b3T6jo


----------



## poppyseed

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think I just peeved a guy off by not wanting to get together. He thought it would be good if I took a break from work and the honest truth is yes I am taking a break from work but I want to be alone because then it's truly relaxing. Being on a date with someone you don't know too well is not exactly relaxing.


You obviously got a feeling he's not worth it and he's most probably after what you have. Being selective is important in our recovery stage. Not point of rushing is there?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet said:


> Believe it or not, "Transcendence" isn't even about a corrupt government or anything you'd expect. Johnny Depp's character gets shot by a member of an anti-technology rebellion and contracts radiation poison from the bullet. He puts his own mind in the computer using technology he invented to preserve his dying body. Now where as most movies would focus on man vs machine and a computer that grows more dominant over time, this movie takes a completely different spin. Think plot twists and some cool CGI with lots of nanobots.
> 
> Damn HMNU, are you even sure you're ready to be dating again?


It sounds like a good movie but it's too close to what I do for work. Encapsulating emotions into code and the reverse, eliciting them from computerized information (text of all sorts.) I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. I don't want to be thinking too hard in the movies today with plot twists and all that. Have also worked with nanotechnology and the creep factor of nanobots is too much atm. Johnny Depp sounds like a big draw though, if I have another movie opportunity during the week, I'll bite.

I don't think it's a question of being ready for dating. I have a thing going with a guy from overseas for about a year now, decided to date around and see if anyone else caught my fancy, just to be sure, answer is no, it's a waste of time. As a Coffee Date organizer told my friend, women know what they want. This guy fills many needs and is a great fit, long term it will work out fine. Short term is okay now, but one of us will be getting on a plane within the year.

I don't really feel like dating, it's too much of a hassle making plans, etc. Easier to just go and if there is good company great if not, doing something I like to be doing anyhow. 

Even though I was clear about wanting to be non-committed, and pointed out I was simul-dating for the long term, men seem to take this as I'm perfectly willing to sleep around, which is not the case though I suppose if a fantastic opportunity came up I would go for it. I do have a friend in DC who I suspect would be really satisfying and totally cool with no commitment and keeping it as friends. But I don't know if I want to sleep with a 25 year old, I have a kid almost that old? We get along great, but again, I think he thinks I'm cougar material, which I'm not and he might be disappointed and he's a nice guy so would not want to disappoint, hahaha.


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I have a thing going with a guy from overseas for about a year now, decided to date around and see if anyone else caught my fancy, just to be sure, answer is no, it's a waste of time.
> ...
> but one of us will be getting on a plane within the year.
> ...
> I don't really feel like dating
> ...
> We get along great, but again, I think he thinks I'm cougar material, which I'm not and he might be disappointed and he's a nice guy so would not want to disappoint, hahaha.



Sounds like your really into Mr. International. 

I know that feeling. Might as well just hasten your travel plans instead of going on half-hearted dates.

What exactly *is* cougar material? The younger guys seem to be good about not getting attached.


----------



## Nsweet

I'm cougar material.

I'm cougar chow. 

I'm often mistaken for gay candy, but I'm cougar chow.:rofl:


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> I'm cougar material.
> 
> I'm cougar chow.
> 
> I'm often mistaken for gay candy, but I'm cougar chow.:rofl:



Lol. That, you are.


----------



## Nsweet

I guess you could say I had a coffee date yesterday. Nothing serious, but it was a lot of fun! First time I've done anything like that and *NOT* felt like I should be missing my ex wife. 

I think I might be ready to start dating again once I get back on my feet in the next few months.


----------



## Dollystanford

God help us all


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> God help us all


Why, has hell started to freeze over?


----------



## Dollystanford

Glad you're back in the game baby bro - those poor unsuspecting cougars


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Glad you're back in the game baby bro - those poor unsuspecting cougars


Believe it or not I respect this woman. I'm not out to play games anymore or go after "unsuspecting cougars".


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ZO1b3T6jo


I love Isla Fisher in that movie, something about her kind of crazy gets me going lol


----------



## Another Planet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_Z4KrmZ1Oc

I'm ***d up in the head :/


----------



## unsure78

Drunk posting... hope everyone is having a good weekend
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Nice, Unsure  I was BBQ'ing with some friends. The pollen is kicking my assssss.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Drunk posting... hope everyone is having a good weekend
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same here! Out and about with another single gf. Drunk on soft parade (best beer in the world) and scoping out the scenery.


----------



## Jellybeans

I have never heard of Soft Parade beer but want to try it!

Hehe. I had myself a Corona today.  Enjooooy, friends!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Avoiding pollen by staying inside working. The weather is cooperating, next town over is without power and there was hail on the interstate, glad I went to a matinee earlier (had 'lunch' of wine and popcorn, the movie was okay, Fading Gigolo next time I'll go to see Transcendence, if another movie opp comes up.)

I'll have a nice vacation after, when the pollen season has ended, we are going to head even further north, to where it will most certainly have ended. 

And then, in Iceland next winter, no pollen


----------



## whitehawk

l'm starting to think date sites are just a waste of time.
l'm still on holiday but the apps installed itself on my phone so all these so called picks and matches or anyone emailing me keep coming through in my email.
l mean though l'm starting to think yeah sure, if you want nothing dead end dates go for it . But if you want something real , just forget about it.

lt's like 90% of the time all you get is a face pic, then a page full of crap , then emails and phone calls and maybe meet up and then an instant oh - fk , no thanks .
lt's like all this miles and miles of crap with someone in particular, eventually , plus scanning 100s before for maybe mths really because no one hits the spot or don't reply anyway - and then only to feel that , the second you meet someone , after all that.

Yet you can go out to any bar or party or supermarket and spot someone straight away that you would actually go for .
Now l know it going any further is a whole nother story but hell , at least the most important first step is done within seconds . Which can take mths through a date site to even find or think you have , someone you even wanna meet .

l dunno , l'm starting to thing they're a waste of fkg time for anything realistic .

Strangely enough though , would you believe l accidentally met my ex in this newspaper singles club thing . Just an earlier version of the now online thing really .


----------



## whitehawk

Mind you , amongst it all l have spotted a few that just like in real life , l know straight away l would go for them. Ha but yeah , maybe they're all emailing you everywhere or your getting great responses from contacting others but you can bet that one , won't even reply or just blow you off in that very first contact .

l think a big part of that to is that we all look different on our page , we sound different because you try to write the sh!t they ask you to and that ain't easy.
l know for fact that someone maybe knocks you back but if it was in real life you'd be eyeing each other off.
This has even actually happened with one knock back l got where l saw her pics but she hadn't seen mine as yet.
Some Gov' department l had to go into and there she was , and she flirted and everything . Just goes to show.
Yet she wouldn't even talk to me when l contacted her.
l felt like saying , oh hi @@@@@, you know who it is your flirting with don't ya ?

Wish l actually had a life l think l'd dump the whole idea.
Although don't get me wrong , have met some great girls. It's just that 99% of it has really been a waste of time because as soon as we've met after all that , l've known in seconds. So if it was out in the real world none of it would even have happened.


----------



## Hoosier

If you don't read this link everyday....Man! Can you get behind. ....

Wanted to comment about earlier post concerning leaving a mess at the theatre helps people have a job... Get real! Just went tonight (XMen...loved it). Happen to look around on my way out, with popcorn bucket and drink cup in hand....some people are totally pigs. If I were to go on a date with someone who did that it would be a Hugh red flag, feeling entitled/superior? I try to keep my mess to a minimum, but with popcorn being popcorn I still left something to be cleaned...in about 30 seconds. No matter what the theatre is going to need policed, why not have the manners your momma taught you and try to make someone job a little easier.....geez.


----------



## moxy

Officially annoyed. This is the third guy that has stood me up for a date and then booty called me, afterwards. Is this a game that men play or do I just look that slvtty? I would welcome a booty call from hot ex-neighbor/FWB, but I haven't heard from him in a while. Ugh. I think I will go watch X-Men, now, if there are any shows left tonight.

At least, my Saturday was a lot of fun.


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> Officially annoyed. This is the third guy that has stood me up for a date and then booty called me, afterwards. Is this a game that men play or do I just look that slvtty? I would welcome a booty call from hot ex-neighbor/FWB, but I haven't heard from him in a while. Ugh. I think I will go watch X-Men, now, if there are any shows left tonight.
> 
> At least, my Saturday was a lot of fun.



Sorry to hear, nope you don't look slvtty just loser men. And that is not a judgement about you. 

On the upside our team (I coach my son's flag football team) pulled out another victory.


----------



## moxy

drerio said:


> On the upside our team (I coach my son's flag football team) pulled out another victory.



That's awesome!! Congrats!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> l'm still on holiday...


Best place to find someone you get along with at the core, without all the BS of day to day life. Unless you are vacationing at Disney or some resort.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Officially annoyed. This is the third guy that has stood me up for a date and then booty called me, afterwards. Is this a game that men play or do I just look that slvtty? I would welcome a booty call from hot ex-neighbor/FWB, but I haven't heard from him in a while. Ugh. I think I will go watch X-Men, now, if there are any shows left tonight.
> 
> At least, my Saturday was a lot of fun.


You are not slvtty, moxy. You're just going after douche bags. 

Real men don't stand women up or turn into creepers after putting on a nice guy act. That's only something socially inept idiots who think that they're god's gift to women do. 

And it's not so much that he's "just not that into you".... I'd say it's more like he just not that into your personality or interests, but he thinks he can still sweet talk you into letting you have sex with him. 

IDK maybe it's an issue of not clearly expressing your boundaries up front. You know the famous line that goes like "This doesn't mean I'm going sleep wit you tonight". But then again it could be the type of guy you're chasing has a need to break your boundaries and see what he can get away with. The infamous player act.


----------



## moxy

Thanks for the encouraging words NSweet. If I think about it... every dude I've gotten involved with has been a boundary pusher. And, I suspect that my being drawn to it has entirely too much to do with how little freedom I've had in my upbringing.  That's definitely something to add to the list of things to discuss with a therapist.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Thanks for the encouraging words NSweet. If I think about it... every dude I've gotten involved with has been a boundary pusher. And, I suspect that my being drawn to it has entirely too much to do with how little freedom I've had in my upbringing.  That's definitely something to add to the list of things to discuss with a therapist.


It's a common issue with codependent people. You let people push past your boundaries because you want them to like you and you don't ever stand your ground and reset them until it's too late. 

You have to be a little selfish and only let people through the boundaries you're comfortable with when they've earned your trust. To put it another way, you wouldn't immediately jump into bed with the first guy to make you laugh would you? 

And the thing about people who get pushy like that is that they use a lot of guilt and shaming tactics to really hit you where it hurts to get what they want. These people know how to intimidate and guilt trip you into getting their way and they have no problems with using your past hurts in doing so. 

I would be willing to discuss this further if you're still interested.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> I love Isla Fisher in that movie, something about her kind of crazy gets me going lol





Another Planet said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_Z4KrmZ1Oc
> 
> I'm ***d up in the head :/


Lol

It could be just because Isla Fisher is fking HOT!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Hoosier said:


> If you don't read this link everyday....Man! Can you get behind. ....
> 
> Wanted to comment about earlier post concerning leaving a mess at the theatre helps people have a job... Get real! Just went tonight (XMen...loved it). Happen to look around on my way out, with popcorn bucket and drink cup in hand....some people are totally pigs. If I were to go on a date with someone who did that it would be a Hugh red flag, feeling entitled/superior? I try to keep my mess to a minimum, but with popcorn being popcorn I still left something to be cleaned...in about 30 seconds. No matter what the theatre is going to need policed, why not have the manners your momma taught you and try to make someone job a little easier.....geez.


I am always meticulous about cleaning up behind myself, at restaurants I stack everything neatly on my plate when I'm finished, at fast food places I pack out my trash, whenever I have left rental apartments I spend an entire day scrubbing and cleaning what stays with the apt. Same with when I just sold my home last month. And whenever I borrow a a vehicle I return it cleaner than I picked it up and with more gas. 

When I was younger I used to always diligently pack out my garbage, but about 15 years ago my movie buddy, the one I mentioned above, who was an usher for years and eventually manager said something profound that convinced me to leave my trash and I've been doing it eve since. I don't make a mess, just an empty popcorn bag, sometimes with a candy wrapper inside and an empty cup… if there is ever any soda left I take my cup myself so that it doesn't inadvertently spill

I don't remember exactly what the profound thing he said was but I know giving the ushers jobs was one, and I think the other was from a patron who fell and injured herself trying to gather up her trash. IIRC I think his theater even had a clip before the movies requesting to leave your trash behind for a while until that got a little out of hand and they just kept it as as unnannounced policy.


----------



## EleGirl

moxy said:


> Officially annoyed. This is the third guy that has stood me up for a date and then booty called me, afterwards. Is this a game that men play or do I just look that slvtty? I would welcome a booty call from hot ex-neighbor/FWB, but I haven't heard from him in a while. Ugh. I think I will go watch X-Men, now, if there are any shows left tonight.
> 
> At least, my Saturday was a lot of fun.


Well, cannot answer if you look ****ty....

But I think it's a game with some men. I guess they buy into the stupid idea that women like men who don't treat them right.


----------



## EleGirl

Nsweet said:


> Believe it or not I respect this woman. I'm not out to play games anymore or go after "unsuspecting cougars".


How old are these cougars you are going after?


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Best place to find someone you get along with at the core, without all the BS of day to day life. Unless you are vacationing at Disney or some resort.




Problem is l only meant a holiday from women. Wish l was on a real holiday though now that l could really use :smthumbup:

But , haha , check out my next post and there ya go it happens when we're on a women holiday too . That should make more sense after you check it out :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Your not gonna believe it after my earlier ramblings and holidays and all..
l've gotta b out in a mth so l'm gonna rent while l buy or build and went over to check out rentals.
Well , some might remember beach house chick from oh fk ,14mths back. Very early , too early . But we spent 6wks together up in her beach house . lt was soooo special , she was sooo special. Cooking pizza , talking, music and getting stoned , watching the sun come up and all sorts of other stuff l'm not gonna talk about haha. l would go her in a heartbeat speaking of that stuff l was saying earlier . The prob was that she was still a little crazy and bent up from her own marriage and everything that happened there .
lt really hurt to stay away but when we had a bit of a fight on the phone and she went of her nut , l even talked about it here . Oh man , it was just too much at the time and l knew she wasn't ready either.

But , l've missed her so much , staying away wasn't an easy thing believe me. Well today l drove past her house going to check out a place , and l cracked.
Next minute l'm knocking on her door. 
Next minute she's standing there , right in front of me .
Next minute we've just fallen into a cuddle , squeezing , breathing .
Next minute we're both in tears and damn near smothering each other .
l've missed her sooo much , l knew it was the same for her , knew it.
After a few minutes we went in, up stairs , we could feel us both jumping out of our skin and we talked and talked for 6hrs. We kept falling into each other, she was all touchy, l was all touchy and when she was on my knee - she's tiny, l just couldn't stop drawing her into a snuggle and kissing her hair and head, face and when l wasn't she was . 
This was really , really , freaky . And you could see neither of us had ever mentally left the other in that 14mths. Even with my date site stuff , out there trying to nudge it.

l have no idea on one hand because she was a bit of a mess earlier but she looked and sounded soooo much better, so much more together. And so much more aware of us and what was there. She knew before but this marriage [email protected] fks with your head so bad . But she's had no one else , she said she knew with me and she's been waiting , l know she did and l was sure she would be. 
My mind is blown . l know , l can't know yet if she is on the mend and l don't really know how to handle it encase she turns out not to be still .


----------



## whitehawk

Thank God she had to work tonight and l'd left my place all open , stuff on , l do that :rofl: . But l was only gonna be an hour .

But anyway , l need to think


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Thank God she had to work tonight and l'd left my place all open , stuff on , l do that :rofl: . But l was only gonna be an hour .
> 
> But anyway , l need to think


Day at a time, relax and go with the flow. Do not overthink it. 

 But it sounds really good.


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok so ghosting is after a few dates and not just the first one? Lol. Geez I have a lot ot learn. 

No I never heard back from first online guy and I have not texted him and have no plans to. I get that guys do the "wait 3 days" thing as well but dropping from the favs shows he's not interested which I'm okay with. I was too busy this weekend with parties and baseball to even think about dating, altho have one or two nice chats going on, that is about it. Maybe I'm too picky. But I'm not going to settle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok so ghosting is after a few dates and not just the first one? Lol. Geez I have a lot ot learn.
> 
> No I never heard back from first online guy and I have not texted him and have no plans to. I get that guys do the "wait 3 days" thing as well but dropping from the favs shows he's not interested which I'm okay with. I was too busy this weekend with parties and baseball to even think about dating, altho have one or two nice chats going on, that is about it. Maybe I'm too picky. But I'm not going to settle.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Nah , l don't believe too picky is being too picky . Don't worry when someones hitting the spot as they should then bingo - no more picky :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Day at a time, relax and go with the flow. Do not overthink it.
> 
> But it sounds really good.


Damn fine plan thanks F , l'll give it a shot .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Nah , l don't believe too picky is being too picky . Don't worry *when someones hitting the spot as they should* then bingo - no more picky :smthumbup:


And if they don't?


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Damn fine plan thanks F , l'll give it a shot .


Sounds really nice man! Yeah take it one day at a time 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> And if they don't?



That just means he or she hasn't turned up yet


----------



## RandomDude

Or it could just mean the standards are too high that you let her slip right past you


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Officially annoyed. This is the third guy that has stood me up for a date and then booty called me, afterwards. Is this a game that men play or do I just look that slvtty? I would welcome a booty call from hot ex-neighbor/FWB, but I haven't heard from him in a while. Ugh. I think I will go watch X-Men, now, if there are any shows left tonight.
> 
> At least, my Saturday was a lot of fun.


Ugh! Did you respond? My general MO is if a guy is only contacting me late, I do not respond. The next day I may reply back saying "I was sleeping when you phoned/texted" because it sets a precedecent of "do not contact that me that late." The fact that guy stood you up and messaged you so late means he is a flake. I would probably call him out on it. 

Was going to meet up with a guy yesterday--and he was slow in responding all day and in the end, did not even reply to me. This morning he messages me saying he totally forgot, "next time" -- I thought, "Oh really?" I haven't responded yet and not sure I am going to. I was thinking of saying. "Oh I thought you just blew me off" but not sure I should even say something. What do you guys think? 

Women's intuition: my feeling was he was prob meeting with someone else because of how iffy he was and how he said he did end up going to the place we would have gone to... the fck? He is generally very consistent so this time seems weird. Yet I do not buy he "totally forgot." 

Happy memorial day, all 



familyfirst09 said:


> No I never heard back from first online guy and I have not texted him and have no plans to. I get that guys do the "wait 3 days" thing as well but dropping from the favs shows he's not interested which I'm okay with.


Good idea to note wait around. Onto the next one!


----------



## Nsweet

EleGirl said:


> How old are these cougars you are going after?


Who says I'm going after them?


----------



## moxy

Jelly, I should probably give more detail. So Guy and I have been texting and talking for a week and a half; we seemed to really click and he'd been texting me throughout the day every day, being really sweet and telling me all the things he likes about me and that we connect about. The other day, he asked me if I wanted to get together for dinner or coffee on Sunday; I said yes to coffee, but we didn't decide on a time or place. He'd been pretty openly affectionate (not in a sleazy way, but a sweet way), pretty consistently until like an hour before we were supposed to meet. All day Sunday, we were texting and throughout the day he kept inviting me to cuddle in bed with him; I said that it did sound nice, but we didn't know each other yet. He said he wanted to talk on the phone; I said okay, but he didn't call, just kept texting. Later, we decided on coffee and and chose a time and place. Just a little while before that time, he kinda suggested that it would be nice if we had coffee at his place instead of at a cafe, but I said it was too soon for that. Things seemed okay, but then he just never showed up and never texted to say why or anything. My immediate thought is that he just wanted to hook up and blew me off because I didn't, but...his personality and the kinds of conversations we've been having don't resonate with that. I know he's got anxiety problems and it's possible that he just got nervous and blew things off. It's also possible that he showed up and didn't like me in person and never approached me (but it was a quiet night with only 5 other patrons and I would've noticed someone coming in and leaving), that he's talking to someone else and just flaked, that something came up, that he felt like it was too much pressure. Who knows? It could be any number of things. It bummed me out because I thought we were having a fine time before he just disappeared.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Jelly, I should probably give more detail. So Guy and I have been texting and talking for a week and a half; we seemed to really click and he'd been texting me throughout the day every day, being really sweet and telling me all the things he likes about me and that we connect about. The other day, he asked me if I wanted to get together for dinner or coffee on Sunday; I said yes to coffee, but we didn't decide on a time or place. He'd been pretty openly affectionate (not in a sleazy way, but a sweet way), pretty consistently until like an hour before we were supposed to meet. All day Sunday, we were texting and throughout the day he kept inviting me to cuddle in bed with him; I said that it did sound nice, but we didn't know each other yet. He said he wanted to talk on the phone; I said okay, but he didn't call, just kept texting. Later, we decided on coffee and and chose a time and place. Just a little while before that time, he kinda suggested that it would be nice if we had coffee at his place instead of at a cafe, but I said it was too soon for that. Things seemed okay, but then he just never showed up and never texted to say why or anything. My immediate thought is that he just wanted to hook up and blew me off because I didn't, but...his personality and the kinds of conversations we've been having don't resonate with that. I know he's got anxiety problems and it's possible that he just got nervous and blew things off. It's also possible that he showed up and didn't like me in person and never approached me (but it was a quiet night with only 5 other patrons and I would've noticed someone coming in and leaving), that he's talking to someone else and just flaked, that something came up, that he felt like it was too much pressure. Who knows? It could be any number of things. It bummed me out because I thought we were having a fine time before he just disappeared.



Sounds to me he was just looking for a piece moxy. He was hinting at getting physical and gauging your responses. I doubt he even showed up at the place as he knew you probably wouldn't put out.


----------



## Jellybeans

I agree with Vi
Sounds like he just wanted the booty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

A week and a half of text only is far too soon to make comments like cuddling in his bed etc.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> A week and a half of text only is far too soon to make comments like cuddling in his bed etc.


yep agree with Up on this...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Jelly, I should probably give more detail. So Guy and I have been texting and talking for a week and a half; we seemed to really click and he'd been texting me throughout the day every day, being really sweet and telling me all the things he likes about me and that we connect about. The other day, he asked me if I wanted to get together for dinner or coffee on Sunday; I said yes to coffee, but we didn't decide on a time or place. He'd been pretty openly affectionate (not in a sleazy way, but a sweet way), pretty consistently until like an hour before we were supposed to meet. All day Sunday, we were texting and throughout the day he kept inviting me to cuddle in bed with him; I said that it did sound nice, but we didn't know each other yet. He said he wanted to talk on the phone; I said okay, but he didn't call, just kept texting. Later, we decided on coffee and and chose a time and place. Just a little while before that time, he kinda suggested that it would be nice if we had coffee at his place instead of at a cafe, but I said it was too soon for that. Things seemed okay, but then he just never showed up and never texted to say why or anything. My immediate thought is that he just wanted to hook up and blew me off because I didn't, but...his personality and the kinds of conversations we've been having don't resonate with that.


Doesn't this just sound like a huge red flag to you? I mean I could tell you how pretty and sweet you are in dozens of texts a day, fluffing you up with a lot of crap about how you're the most special woman in the world (who I barely know), and it still wouldn't mean a thing if I didn't follow up calling you or taking you out. 

You know who does this kinda stuff? High school boys. Little boys who think they can sweet talk you into bed and pull all the stings to get what they want. You want to talk about boundaries? You're letting him and other men like him do this because you're lonely and you're willing to settle for the first man who makes you feel really good. 

I could school you in every way men bullsh!t their way into a woman's pants and you'd probably think I was making it up. Man or woman, anyone who comes on hard and strong and seems too perfect is always pulling some kind of game. "Beware the stranger baring gifts" as they say, for they are always looking to get something in return. 



moxy said:


> I know he's got anxiety problems and it's possible that he just got nervous and blew things off. It's also possible that he showed up and didn't like me in person and never approached me (but it was a quiet night with only 5 other patrons and I would've noticed someone coming in and leaving), that he's talking to someone else and just flaked, that something came up, that he felt like it was too much pressure. Who knows? It could be any number of things. It bummed me out because I thought we were having a fine time before he just disappeared.


Stop it. Stop defending this and other guys who treat you wrong. You know what he was up to and you don't want to admit it.

In general, just stop making excuses for other people. If they want to meet you they will. If they don't, they won't. It's not you honey, it's them not wanting to meet you or give you any reason or closure. 

And the thing about people who flake is it's all about comfort. If he or she doesn't feel comfortable about meeting you, like it's too soon and they don't know you well enough, they will get skittish. It happens to everyone at least once or twice. Use the 180 here.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Jelly, I should probably give more detail. So Guy and I have been texting and talking for a week and a half; we seemed to really click and he'd been texting me throughout the day every day, being really sweet and telling me all the things he likes about me and that we connect about. The other day, he asked me if I wanted to get together for dinner or coffee on Sunday; I said yes to coffee, but we didn't decide on a time or place. He'd been pretty openly affectionate (not in a sleazy way, but a sweet way), pretty consistently until like an hour before we were supposed to meet. All day Sunday, we were texting and throughout the day *he kept inviting me to cuddle in bed with him;* I said that it did sound nice, but we didn't know each other yet. He said he wanted to talk on the phone; I said okay, *but he didn't call*, just kept texting. Later, we decided on coffee and and chose a time and place. Just a little while before that time, he kinda suggested that *it would be nice if we had coffee at his place *instead of at a cafe, but I said it was too soon for that. Things seemed okay, but then he just never showed up and never texted to say why or anything. My immediate thought is that he* just wanted to hook up and blew me off because I didn't*, but...his personality and the kinds of conversations we've been having don't resonate with that. I know he's got anxiety problems and it's possible that he just got nervous and blew things off. It's also possible that he showed up and didn't like me in person and never approached me (but it was a quiet night with only 5 other patrons and I would've noticed someone coming in and leaving), that he's talking to someone else and just flaked, that something came up, that he felt like it was too much pressure. Who knows? It could be any number of things. It bummed me out because I thought we were having a fine time before he just disappeared.


I am sorry Moxy

Your immediate thought was that he wanted to hook up, yes, that is my thought as well.


----------



## moxy

I need to pause on this dating thing because I am just not seeing things clearly. :/


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> I need to pause on this dating thing because I am just not seeing things clearly. :/



I say you work on you, don't forget to come back to the Healthy Living group.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> yep agree with Up on this...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're going far in life kid.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I need to pause on this dating thing because I am just not seeing things clearly. :/


Nothing wrong with going on dates or chatting with men to get back into the groove. Re-read what you wrote, you weren't okay going over there so early on.

Smells like good boundaries to me.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I need to pause on this dating thing because I am just not seeing things clearly. :/


You are doing fine, you will be okay.

Just remember:
If a man showers you with compliments (without meeting you first) he is probably looking for sex only.


On another news
Vegas was amazing!! Gosh I had so much fun!! I pissed people off at the crabs table by betting on Big Red and having a 7 actually come on the roll 

My love life?? It is going well.

I met two nice men about two weeks ago, I have gone out on two dates with Irish guy. Not much into him. But he is very respectful, polite, good looking, hard working, attentive, but his health issues keep me at bay. We still text pretty much daily. He also alluded that he would like to spend at weekend at the beach with me and a weekend in Vegas. I only said maybe. 

The other man (haven't named him) I have a* huge crush *on him!! He is military, has a really interesting MOS (job), is handsome, considerate, polite, honest, hard working, I could go on and on on. I REALLY LIKE HIM, oh he is American but was born in Mexico and speaks perfect Spanish, as well as English 
Downside? He is on the other side of the country. I have told the funny story here of how we connected.
We have spoken on the phone several times. We act more like friends than anything. 
I do think he is playing some games with me because we both like many of the same things. 
He too said he wants to meet up in Vegas, funny.

Oh, I get the occasional wink, like, email from match. I am over match. WIsh I could cancel subscription and get my money back!!!


----------



## EleGirl

Nsweet said:


> Who says I'm going after them?


Ok so I did not pick the exact right wording.

I'm just trying to get a picture of the diff in age as you seem to be saying that you like women older than you.


----------



## Nsweet

EleGirl said:


> Ok so I did not pick the exact right wording.
> 
> I'm just trying to get a picture of the diff in age as you seem to be saying that you like women older than you.


I do love older women. 

But I used the expression "cougar chow" because I seem to get hit on by mature women a lot more than women around my own age. 

It's got to have something to do with how I look and the way I carry myself.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> I do love older women.
> 
> But I used the expression "cougar chow" because I seem to get hit on by mature women a lot more than women around my own age.
> 
> It's got to have something to do with how I look and the way I carry myself.


My money is on you continuously going to cougar bars!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Your not gonna believe it after my earlier ramblings and holidays and all..


Hah, you are so f*cked, sounds like you in looooooove.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> My money is on you continuously going to cougar bars!


I haven't been to a bar since the start of this year! I haven't even had a drink since around May or so of last year. I just don't tolerate alcohol well, and I'm not feeling the dating scene yet.

And I was getting hit on by gay guys and cougars way before now. Like right after I slimmed down in high school and grew my hair out they were going after me. I had to lose another 20lbs before the younger girls would touch me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I was hit on by a flamboyant guy at the clothing store I go to now. He asked me if I was a bodybuilder...


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> I was hit on by a flamboyant guy at the clothing store I go to now. He asked me if I was a bodybuilder...


Did it make you feel good and creep you out at the same time?

I don't know about you, but I kinda like (and hate) getting hit on by guys. It's like they wouldn't be hitting on you unless you looked good, and *it gives you an idea of what women feel every time you hit on them.* 

It's like if you feel creeped out having some strange guy comment on your body, imagine what she feels.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Or it could just mean the standards are too high that you let her slip right past you



Yeah ,come to think of it l've even wondered that about myself. We can push away and do stupid things to self sabotage when we're scared.
l do like to think you just know when you know though, l have in the past.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I agree with Vi
> Sounds like he just wanted the booty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yep definitely .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I need to pause on this dating thing because I am just not seeing things clearly. :/


Yep you need a holiday mox , shut all your stuff down to remove temptation and step away for awhile's my vote .


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Hah, you are so f*cked, sounds like you in looooooove.




:rofl: . Yeah , as soon as l saw her again yesterday, watching her, holding her, l think that's been it with beach house since day one .
She might be small but she's pretty effing complicated though


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> I was hit on by a flamboyant guy at the clothing store I go to now. He asked me if I was a bodybuilder...




l guess we should look at it in a flattering way like we would a women but it creeps me out


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> :rofl: . Yeah , as soon as l saw her again yesterday, watching her, holding her, l think that's been it with beach house since day one .
> She might be small but she's pretty effing complicated though


Argh. Complicated is not good.
Be careful, if she is the over-thinking type she will resent you for giving her tunnel vision and focusing on that 'one thing'. 
Be sure to give her choices and leave her in charge of a lot of the when and where.
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Give her a lot to think about ;-)
Sooner or later she will arrive at the simple conclusion, the big L.
:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah ,come to think of it l've even wondered that about myself. We can push away and do stupid things to self sabotage when we're scared.
> l do like to think you just know when you know though, l have in the past.


Aye but it is past, if I look back my standards weren't nearly as high as today

But tis just me


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Did it make you feel good and creep you out at the same time?
> 
> I don't know about you, but I kinda like (and hate) getting hit on by guys. It's like they wouldn't be hitting on you unless you looked good, and *it gives you an idea of what women feel every time you hit on them.*
> 
> It's like if you feel creeped out having some strange guy comment on your body, imagine what she feels.


It was a little creepy but I went in there with a really good mood and went with it. Let him talk and tell his stories, he showed me some of his modeling pictures.

Eventually I dropped the "my kids would love that" to set the tone, haha. In the end he actually recommended a shirt that was out of my usual and I put it on for the social on Saturday.

My friends liked it. Lol.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> It was a little creepy but I went in there with a really good mood and went with it. Let him talk and tell his stories, he showed me some of his modeling pictures.
> 
> Eventually I dropped the "my kids would love that" to set the tone, haha. In the end he actually recommended a shirt that was out of my usual and I put it on for the social on Saturday.
> 
> My friends liked it. Lol.


At least he had good taste.

Both in you and in the shirt.:rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> At least he had good taste.
> 
> Both in you and in the shirt.:rofl:


.......


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Did it make you feel good and creep you out at the same time?
> 
> I don't know about you, but I kinda like (and hate) getting hit on by guys. It's like they wouldn't be hitting on you unless you looked good, and *it gives you an idea of what women feel every time you hit on them.*
> 
> It's like if you feel creeped out having some strange guy comment on your body, imagine what she feels.


I've never been bothered by it. I'm confident I like women, they can hit on me all they want. I have had way to many gay friends to let it actually bother me in any manner.


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> I've never been bothered by it. I'm confident I like women, they can hit on me all they want. I have had way to many gay friends to let it actually bother me in any manner.


You've never been creeped on by a guy?


----------



## ne9907

okay, my crush on this guy has increased a thousand fold!
he called me just to let me know that he wont be able to call me later in the night because he has plans. He is actively dating btw. But I still have a crush on him


----------



## ne9907

Just got off the phone with Irish guy, he invited me to his house to "watch" movies next weekend.

I met him two weeks ago, gone out on two dates with him. No kiss. No holding hands, just a hug. No sexual texts, no overly signs of affection. 
We do have great conversations. As I have mentioned before, he is attractive but I have not felt a spark with him. I do not see a long term potential either.
Original question is, he asked me if I would be comfortable meeting his 14 year old son. 
I said I would think about it. 

It is kind of early to meet his son, right? Or does his age (14 year old) make a difference? 

Please keep in mind that I want no long term relationship with him. I also feel I am not overly attracted to him because I have a huge crush on military guy. Military guy is 2500 miles away though


----------



## 06Daddio08

I know this will obviously sound vague and such (it's meant to be as I do like to keep certain aspects of my life private) but it's crazy how the universe hands you signs sometimes.

I've had things on my mind here and there, tonight while remaining calm and indifferent ... I was given some peace.

Not only that, a small personal challenge was placed in front of me. One that I would've jumped at years earlier but now I'm aware of the temptation and also it's possible determinant to my self worth.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Please keep in mind that I want no long term relationship with him. I also feel I am not overly attracted to him because I have a huge crush on military guy. Military guy is 2500 miles away though


2 things...

1. If that's how you feel about Irish, it's time to set down the boundaries. If you're seeking validation through his kindness but want nothing long term, tell him.

2. You should figure out if military guy is reality or delusion.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> You've never been creeped on by a guy?


Sure but just like any other boundary you have to be confident in it for it to work. I'm sure I am straight and it reflects in the way i converse with anyone, even if I get hit on with in moments they know I'm not interested so no big deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Nothing wrong with going on dates or chatting with men to get back into the groove. Re-read what you wrote, you weren't okay going over there so early on.
> 
> Smells like good boundaries to me.



Thank you, Daddio. I appreciate the encouragement.

I'm surprised at how volatile I feel when I date. Most of my experiences have just zoomed into relationships, so this way of connecting to people is really weird and new for me. Ex-h and I split up nearly three years ago; this has been my attempt to move on, but I'm still figuring so many things out.

I guess that I'm hurt and troubled that someone I thought I felt a real connection with could just vanish like this in such a strange way. Was it really about just hooking up when it seemed so different? FWB was forthright in asking for sex right away and so was Mr. Alpha; Tattoo Guy seemed...sweet and friendly and more interested in me as a person than obsessed with photos of my body parts or what freaky stuff I'd be willing to do (he didn't even ask for nude photos or make the conversation sexually explicit; that's new for me) and so I thought he actually liked me. We talked a bit online before things moved to text, but I'm surprised I feel so strongly about someone I've known for such a short time. I'm still stinging from the disappointment. I'm trying to be clear about boundaries, but...feelings are a whole different thing altogether. :/


----------



## moxy

Ne, there's nothing wrong with hanging out with Irish or his kid (who isn't a kid, but a teen and therefore less impressionable) as long as there aren't tons of mixed signals or leading each other on. If you guys gave just been friendly, that's cool. If you don't want it to get too romantic, or if he starts making it that way, you may want to let him know that you're not really in the market for anything serious or hot and heavy, just friendly. No harm in hanging out, just as long as you're not leading him on or letting him introduce you to his kid as a serious romantic partner.

Keep in mind, I have no kids and so my opinion isn't based on personal experience. Also, I can't guarantee that my more emotionally risky choices are what you want for yourself, but they do inform my understanding of context.


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Argh. Complicated is not good.
> Be careful, if she is the over-thinking type she will resent you for giving her tunnel vision and focusing on that 'one thing'.
> Be sure to give her choices and leave her in charge of a lot of the when and where.
> Communicate, communicate, communicate.
> Give her a lot to think about ;-)
> Sooner or later she will arrive at the simple conclusion, the big L.
> :rofl:




Thanks HM , appreciate the insight . Now l've gotta read this a few hundred times first :scratchhead: , but l know your on the right track .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Aye but it is past, if I look back my standards weren't nearly as high as today
> 
> But tis just me


Yeah but , we're all older and wiser now so you know , it's just more a realistic thing really .

ps , or if we just do what we did , then we'll just get what we got !


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> okay, my crush on this guy has increased a thousand fold!
> he called me just to let me know that he wont be able to call me later in the night because he has plans. He is actively dating btw. But I still have a crush on him


So was it his extra call that increased it or ?


----------



## lisab0105

Ne, Irish is not interested in you as a friend. If you tell him you feel nothing but friendship for him, I can mostly guarantee you won't hear much from him any more. He sounds like a good guy, but for whatever reason you are not into him...probably because there isn't any drama attached to him at all ( not a diss at you) but you are more enamored by the long distance guy you can't really have that you KNOW is dating other people. 

Don't meet his son. In fact, don't see Irish again. Good guys shouldn't be used to kill time with while crushing on the unattainable. JMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> I agree with Vi
> Sounds like he just wanted the booty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep.

Which is what the other guy did to you too.  Maybe stop with the sexytalk on text until after you have already met him and gotten to know him?


----------



## Fenix

lisab0105 said:


> Ne, Irish is not interested in you as a friend. If you tell him you feel nothing but friendship for him, I can mostly guarantee you won't hear much from him any more. He sounds like a good guy, but for whatever reason you are not into him...probably because there isn't any drama attached to him at all ( not a diss at you) but you are more enamored by the long distance guy you can't really have that you KNOW is dating other people.
> 
> Don't meet his son. In fact, don't see Irish again. Good guys shouldn't be used to kill time with while crushing on the unattainable. JMO.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

And yes, regardless, it is too early to meet his 14 yo son.


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> Yep.
> 
> 
> 
> Which is what the other guy did to you too.  Maybe stop with the sexytalk on text until after you have already met him and gotten to know him?



I did not do any of that with this guy. I wasn't even flirtatious.


----------



## Jellybeans

I never did respond to the guy who "totally forgot" about meeting up. Is that wrong? I had such a lovely weekend though.


----------



## whitehawk

So getting back to her sooner rather than later , usually seems to be a real tick with you girls , is that right ?

Like how soon after would you like him to get back to you or to show some more interest , or even to say he had a great time , l dunno , anything ?


----------



## Jellybeans

Pretty soon, White. Cause my thinking is he if goes too long w/o showing interest, all he shows is that he is not very interested and that does not turn me on. It's a turn off.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Mailed my affidavit on Friday ... so close!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I never did respond to the guy who "totally forgot" about meeting up. Is that wrong? I had such a lovely weekend though.


l dunno JB , totally forgot , wtf. l spose it's possible but if l'm meeting someone , l'd be wanting her too exited to forget , like me .
l don't think you should . l mean you could hear him out if he comes crawling back and see what he's got to say but you know - if it was someone else or some piss poor excuse, like forgot , unless he's in the middle of running an empire , def take a hike Jacko !


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> if it was someone else or some piss poor excuse, like forgot , *unless he's in the middle of running an empire *, def take a hike Jacko !


Haha. I want to date that guy. The guy running an empire.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I want to date that guy. The guy running an empire.


LOL the last one I dated was running a mini-empire... NO good, they dont have enough time for you.... the empire always comes first


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. Moderation is the key, Unsure. 

I admit I do have a thing for men in command. It's sexy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Moderation is the key, Unsure.
> 
> I admit I do have a thing for men in command. It's sexy.


Ugh, my last husband was director of operations at his job and it SUCKED. It totally consumed him.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I want to date that guy. The guy running an empire.



Sounds interesting. I just want to date someone who is really hot for me and has time to pay attention to me. But, having a career about which one is passionate is definitely attractive.


----------



## unsure78

Oh I agree its hot and sexy a man in command... just they need to make time for other things..


----------



## whitehawk

l wanna give things with beach house another chance .
l know she's done a few back flips but l feel as if l can understand them now especially after reading all you guys for mths and knowing what she's been through with ex.
For instance , after 6wks together day and night l disappear for 8days. l just had to step back a minute it was so soon but she was hurt and flew off when l finally did call , said weird stuff, hurt, defenses. But hey anyone would be pissed yeah , it's just that some really let it fly !. like l know that ones pretty obvious but there was some other weirder [email protected] but , similar.
l dunno , after yesterday , so much is making more sense .
l'm thinking if she could drop all her guards and fears long enough for us to get our thing back - and l didn't disappear again  , l'd see the girl from yesterday and our 6wks settle in. l think l'm getting right to go now .


----------



## ne9907

lisab0105 said:


> Ne, Irish is not interested in you as a friend. If you tell him you feel nothing but friendship for him, I can mostly guarantee you won't hear much from him any more. *He sounds like a good guy, but for whatever reason you are not into him*...probably because there isn't any drama attached to him at all ( not a diss at you) but you are more enamored by the long distance guy you can't really have that you KNOW is dating other people.
> 
> Don't meet his son. In fact, don't see Irish again. Good guys shouldn't be used to kill time with while crushing on the unattainable. JMO.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is a good guy, I will tell him. I actually thought he really wasnt into me because we have gone out twice, we have been talking for two weeks, and I never sensed he was into me. I mean, he didnt try anything.

But you are, good guys shouldnt be used to kill time.

THings are moving way too fast with military guy. I woke up this morning, and well military guy texted me and would like to meet me. He is putting in leave, wants us to meet in Vegas in July. Fast, fast, fast....But I want to do it.


----------



## whitehawk

Does politics matter ?
l don't like politics but beach house is on the other side of the fence none the less , dunno if it matters or what .

Does Christian matter ?
She is Christian , she goes to church. But she's also more fun than just about anyone l've ever known , smokes a lot of dope and swears , a lot.
But l'm not into any religion .

Apart from that we're very very alike , weird alike. Even the hours we keep .


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> THings are moving way too fast with military guy. I woke up this morning, and well military guy texted me and would like to meet me. He is putting in leave, wants us to meet in Vegas in July. Fast, fast, fast....But I want to do it.


NE... two thoughts

1) if you are are like me,3X, and VI, which im guessing you are, if you have a really strong attraction to someone its most likely unhealthy... i dont know about your childhood (and i dont know about 3Xs) but I know that both VI and I had a kinda crappy upbringing... your family of origin is often the biggest determination of what you are attracted too... as im finding out if you have that burning fire for someone, they are prob F*cked up.... 

2) Military guy isnt real yet...its a fantasy, its like almost an EA..and you most likely like him because he lives so far away and know that it wont be able to work out....that shouts commitment issue


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> NE... two thoughts
> 
> 1) if you are are like me,3X, and VI, which im guessing you are, if you have a really strong attraction to someone its most likely unhealthy... i dont know about your childhood (and i dont know about 3Xs) but I know that both VI and I had a kinda crappy upbringing... your family of origin is often the biggest determination of what you are attracted too... as im finding out if you have that burning fire for someone, they are prob F*cked up....
> 
> 2) Military guy isnt real yet...its a fantasy, its like almost an EA..and you most likely like him because he lives so far away and know that it wont be able to work out....that shouts commitment issue


Yeah, I had a strange upbringing. 
I would have never, in a million years, agreed that I have commitment issues.
I do. I do not want to be attached to anyone, nor do I want to give myself completely and blindy like I did with ex.
Yet, I do not wish to string people along either. As usual, i feel I am making a big deal out of nothing.
It has only been two weeks with both Irish guy and militaty guy. I am walking away from Irish guy.
As far as military guy goes, I am going to enjoy talking with him. Heck! Even if Vegas happens, I will meet him.
But as soon as something "real" beging to happen, I will probably walk away.
As I mentioned before, he is actively dating, and he is so far away. I am safe.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> I did not do any of that with this guy. I wasn't even flirtatious.


What was with all of the cuddling talk then?  Was it just him? If so, that is a huge red flag.

Moxy, I hope I am not coming across as judge-y. That is not my intention. From your posts, it just seems that you are getting with characters that are users (and yes, I think the neighbor falls into that category too). Maybe change your practices up? You deserve so much better.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Yeah, I had a strange upbringing.
> I would have never, in a million years, agreed that I have commitment issues.
> I do. I do not want to be attached to anyone, nor do I want to give myself completely and blindy like I did with ex.
> Yet, I do not wish to string people along either. As usual, i feel I am making a big deal out of nothing.
> It has only been two weeks with both Irish guy and militaty guy. I am walking away from Irish guy.
> As far as military guy goes, I am going to enjoy talking with him. Heck! Even if Vegas happens, I will meet him.
> But as soon as something "real" beging to happen, I will probably walk away.
> As I mentioned before, he is actively dating, and he is so far away. I am safe.


Maybe I am just odd, but what is the point of dating then? :scratchhead: Why not just spend time on your own, and not bother communicating with "potentials"?


----------



## whitehawk

So wtf "do" you want ne ?


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> So getting back to her sooner rather than later , usually seems to be a real tick with you girls , is that right ?
> 
> Like how soon after would you like him to get back to you or to show some more interest , or even to say he had a great time , l dunno , anything ?


 The more you are interested, the faster you should be. A quick text like, "had a great time, thanks so much" is enough though.



whitehawk said:


> Does politics matter ?
> l don't like politics but beach house is on the other side of the fence none the less , dunno if it matters or what .
> 
> Does Christian matter ?
> She is Christian , she goes to church. But she's also more fun than just about anyone l've ever known , smokes a lot of dope and swears , a lot.
> But l'm not into any religion .
> 
> Apart from that we're very very alike , weird alike. Even the hours we keep .


Both matter but as long as you can be respectful about the others beliefs, it is manageable.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> But, having a career about which one is passionate is definitely attractive.


Always.



whitehawk said:


> l wanna give things with beach house another chance


Good.  Keep us posted. When was the last time you talked to her?



whitehawk said:


> Does politics matter ?
> 
> Does Christian matter ?


That is a personal thing that only the individual can decide if it matters... 



Fenix said:


> From your posts, it just seems that you are getting with characters that are users (and yes, I think the neighbor falls into that category too).


:iagree:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Maybe I am just odd, but what is the point of dating then? :scratchhead: Why not just spend time on your own, and not bother communicating with "potentials"?


because I need to feel wanted, yes, i know this is ****ed up. At this moment in my life, I need to feel wanted by the opposite sex. I need to feel desirable. I guess the whole experience with blue eyes did not satisfy me. I am going to IC.



whitehawk said:


> So wtf "do" you want ne ?


haha, I laughed at this.

I want to go from one great love story to the next...

Who the hell knows what I want.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> haha, I laughed at this.
> 
> I want to go from one great love story to the next...
> 
> Who the hell knows what I want.




:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Always.
> 
> 
> 
> Good.  Keep us posted. When was the last time you talked to her?
> 
> 
> 
> That is a personal thing that only the individual can decide if it matters...
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:



Thanks Jb will do. Just a little text tonight but we spent all yesterday together.


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> What was with all of the cuddling talk then?  Was it just him? If so, that is a huge red flag.
> 
> 
> 
> Moxy, I hope I am not coming across as judge-y. That is not my intention. From your posts, it just seems that you are getting with characters that are users (and yes, I think the neighbor falls into that category too). Maybe change your practices up? You deserve so much better.



Yeah, he was the one that started the sweet talk. But, I was really feeling a connection and liked the attention and so I didn't deter it, but I also didn't escalate it or turn it sexual. He's suggested we go out on Sunday, so I suggested a time and a place, which he thought was a good idea. But, then, when he said he wanted to hang out at home and cuddle, I said it was too soon for me because we hadn't met yet (sounded like a booty call at that point, rather than a date), but that I'd still like to hang out, just at the coffee shop instead of his place. And, then he just didn't show or text me back. 

What kind of red flag is it that I missed? (Not being combative, genuinely asking). Nothing felt inappropriate to me and when things were uncomfortable, I said so. I was afraid I was being too hasty with meeting, even though he suggested it first. So, I'm not seeing it objectively, I think.

I do hope I deserve to be treated well. I tend to treat my partners well and I like to think I'm a good person. I can't quite tell what I'm doing wrong though, at least not in the moment..., I must be inviting this behavior somehow, but I can't tell how. Working on understanding it... :/


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> He's suggested we go out on Sunday, so I suggested a time and a place, which he thought was a good idea. But, then, when he said he wanted to hang out at home and cuddle, I said it was too soon for me because we hadn't met yet (sounded like a booty call at that point, rather than a date), but that I'd still like to hang out, just at the coffee shop instead of his place. And, then he just didn't show or text me back.


Crazy to me that anyone would suggest "cuddling" before they've even met you. You were right to tell you wanted to hang but not like that. I personally would write this guy off. That would turn me off big time. I mean, he could be an axe murderer (not likely, but still). You don't even know him/haven't met and he's already saying to come to his house to cuddle with him...and then blows you off wen you tell him it's too soon.

He sounds like a creep.


----------



## RandomDude

My FB is so ignorant =/

We were discussing 'medical tourism', and she reckons it's safer to get treated locally instead of Asia - based on what her dentist says - OF COURSE he says that he wants your $$$! 

So she wants to be overcharged for inferior local service when she can spend that money on superior service + holiday for a fraction of the cost :slap: Being patriotic is one thing, being ripped off is another!

Meh oh well, she's just a FB, so I shouldn't give a sh-t right? Just shaking my head really... and tis why she's just a FB!


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I want to go from one great love story to the next...


man...that just sounds exhausting...


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> Yeah, he was the one that started the sweet talk. But, I was really feeling a connection and liked the attention and so I didn't deter it, but I also didn't escalate it or turn it sexual. He's suggested we go out on Sunday, so I suggested a time and a place, which he thought was a good idea. But, then, when he said he wanted to hang out at home and cuddle, I said it was too soon for me because we hadn't met yet (sounded like a booty call at that point, rather than a date), but that I'd still like to hang out, just at the coffee shop instead of his place. And, then he just didn't show or text me back.
> 
> What kind of red flag is it that I missed? (Not being combative, genuinely asking). Nothing felt inappropriate to me and when things were uncomfortable, I said so. I was afraid I was being too hasty with meeting, even though he suggested it first. So, I'm not seeing it objectively, I think.
> 
> *I do hope I deserve to be treated well.* I tend to treat my partners well and I like to think I'm a good person. I can't quite tell what I'm doing wrong though, at least not in the moment..., I must be inviting this behavior somehow, but I can't tell how. Working on understanding it... :/


IMO, (and it really is only that), you are spending too much time bonding over text. Getting a sense of a guy is one thing (and for me preferable over a secondary email account). They are hunting and you are the prey, as evidenced my the quick escalation. Kudos to you in both cases for backing off when they wanted to get physical immediately (I mean, before coffee??? come on!) I am a big believer of just cutting to the chase and meeting for an innocuous drink before even giving out my phone number.

I bolded the sentence above because the way you phrased it was really telling. Of course you deserve to be treated well! I do think you are inviting the behavior by sending a message unintentionally that you don't value yourself highly enough. From what I have read here you are bright, sensitive, and fun. I am not sure you can see just how cool you are.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ne, you cant have THIS:



ne9907 said:


> I want to go from one great love story to the next...


Without THIS:




ne9907 said:


> I do. *I do not want to be attached to anyone*, nor do I want to give myself completely and blindy like I did with ex.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Crazy to me that anyone would suggest "cuddling" before they've even met you. You were right to tell you wanted to hang but not like that. I personally would write this guy off. That would turn me off big time. I mean, he could be an axe murderer (not likely, but still). You don't even know him/haven't met and he's already saying to come to his house to cuddle with him...and then blows you off wen you tell him it's too soon.
> 
> He sounds like a creep.


Most of these guys use the word "cuddle" as a synomym for sex, or they use it thinking that we, as women, are so desperate for physical intimacy we fall for it.

The last guy who used the word "cuddle" on a conversation with me wasnt very happy at my response. I didn't care.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Maybe I am just odd, but what is the point of dating then? :scratchhead: Why not just spend time on your own, and not bother communicating with "potentials"?





ne9907 said:


> because I need to feel wanted, yes, i know this is ****ed up. At this moment in my life, I need to feel wanted by the opposite sex. I need to feel desirable. I guess the whole experience with blue eyes did not satisfy me. I am going to IC.


NE, that is exactly why you need to not date and spend time on your own. You need to feel content and wanted within yourself. If you are not at that place first, any relationship you get into will just fall flat on its face.

If you fill the void within yourself with yourself and not other people, you won't feel the need to get that validation from the OS.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Most of these guys use the word "cuddle" as a synomin for sex, or they use it thinking that we, as women, are so desperate for physical intimacy we fall for it.
> 
> 
> 
> The last guy who used the word "cuddle" on a conversation with me wasnt very happy at my response. I didn't care.



This is true. I personally dislike the word cuddle and seldom care for the activity unless I'm really emotionally into someone or have just had sex. I'm not usually a touchy-feely person, unless I'm feeling lustful. However, knowing that one's physical affection is desired is a nice thing. I'd be glad to have my hotness praised all [email protected] day long; apparently, my failed marriage has made me susceptible to flattery and vanity and romantic attention. Of course, I don't have a problem with casual sex, just as long as the intention is clear. If I think I'm dating a guy and he thinks it's just hooking up, there's a conflict. So, I try to be careful with my words. Tattoo guy made it seem like he was into me, not just for sex, which is why I was hurt by the weirdness. I hope he just flaked because he was anxious, but it's probably more likely that his intentions were other than what I thought.

Some people don't differentiate between cuddle buddy, f buddy, and friend with benefits (others do), so I agree that the word in such a context often stands in for sex or ambiguous romantic activities. For instance, the first time ex-neighbor hinted at that, he used the word cuddle. I wanted a casual thing with him so it was okay. It confused me that after a few months, I would call it fcking or hooking up, but he called it making love, which was weird to me because we were in like but not in love, I think. I prefer the straight up description of making out as making out because it's less ambiguous.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> NE, that is exactly why you need to not date and spend time on your own. You need to feel content and wanted within yourself. If you are not at that place first, any relationship you get into will just fall flat on its face.
> 
> If you fill the void within yourself with yourself and not other people, you won't feel the need to get that validation from the OS.


Totally agree, I know I must be okay within myself in order to be able to bring something forth in my next relationship. I do not make sense to myself sometimes. 



moxy said:


> I'd be glad to have my hotness praised all [email protected] day long; apparently, my failed marriage has made me susceptible to flattery and vanity and romantic attention. .


I agree with you on this one. 
But I believe nothing they say. Nothing at all. They may tell me I am so hot and pretty, but I roll my eyes and do not believe it at all. I do not want them to tell me I am pretty or hot. I want to see it. I want to feel wanted. It may seem like a contradiction but it is like "Actions NOT words"

After my ex, I felt so unwanted and undesirable becasue he would not touch me at all!
He would tell me I was beautiful, but his actions spoke otherwise. I do not believe a man who tells me I am good looking, attractive, pretty, whathe****ever.....

Man, I am so messed up!!!!!!! oh..... But at least, I KNOW I am messed up.


Hmmmm.... I may have some animosity towards the general male population. I hope not. I love men.


----------



## Another Planet

What kind of woman would be turned on by a perfect stranger saying "let's go and cuddle at my place".
That's the dating version of the beat up van driving around that says free candy on the doors.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> What kind of woman would be turned on by a perfect stranger saying "let's go and cuddle at my place".
> *That's the dating version of the beat up van driving around that says free candy on the doors*.


:rofl:

Or a hobo looking guy with oversized black sunglasses, driving a beat up white mini van, and going in the liquor store to buy TWO big cans of Budlight......:rofl::rofl::rofl:

That happened to me ROFL!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> What kind of woman would be turned on by a perfect stranger saying "let's go and cuddle at my place".
> That's the dating version of the beat up van driving around that says free candy on the doors.


Oh you mean like this?










:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

:lol: yeah right on! ROFL


----------



## 06Daddio08

Please don't post pictures of my van on TAM. Kthx.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Please don't post pictures of my van on TAM. Kthx.


Hahahaahahahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

And NE you got it right that guys will lie to you all day about how beautiful and amazing you are.. but do they show you thats how they feel...actions not words. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

For all my talk about committment issues, i am just afraid. I am afraid of falling deeply in love again and having the relationship not work.
I am building my walls way up high.


----------



## muskrat

It is no wonder that second marriages fail at a higher rate than first marriages. It is obvious that we all have some emotional instability from our pasts. And we are the people trying to work through our issues. Just think how many people bounce from one marriage to the next without ever addressing their issues.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> For all my talk about committment issues, i am just afraid. I am afraid of falling deeply in love again and having the relationship not work.
> I am building my walls way up high.


Aye, lost that 'loving feeling


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> And NE you got it right that guys will lie to you all day about how beautiful and amazing you are.. but do they show you thats how they feel...actions not words. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This may be my dumbest question yet , but how exactly do we do that then.
Beach house hasn't been with anyone for a long time except me but she's had dozens trying , she's very suspicious, add her ex .
But she is sooo fkg gorgeous , l could look at her all day .


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> This may be my dumbest question yet , but how exactly do we do that then.
> Beach house hasn't been with anyone for a long time except me but she's had dozens trying , she's very suspicious especially after her ex .
> But she is sooo fkg gorgeous , l could look at her all day .


You do it by being yourself and figuring it out as you go.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> You do it by being yourself and figuring it out as you go.



Yeah right . Because of her looks and the fact that she lives on her own doesn't help either see. She's had every man and his dog after her with every trick in the book .


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Yeah right . Because of her looks and the fact that she lives on her own doesn't help either see. She's had every man and his dog after her with every trick in the book .


Well she most likely won't care for a man who's lacking self confidence and bases judgment on the fact she gets hit on a lot....

Sigh.


----------



## muskrat

Being yourself is not a trick. She would probably find it refreshing to be with someone who is genuine and is not playing some game.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Well she most likely won't care for a man who's lacking self confidence and bases judgment on the fact she gets hit on a lot....
> 
> Sigh.


Ahh , you've got that totally ass about. lf you happened to read stuff from earlier, l can't even imagine how you arrived at that one.
l'm not judging anything , she does because of that stuff .
A lot of good looking girls can be a suspicious of a guy to start, no matter how they feel which can make it awkward early on.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Being yourself is not a trick. She would probably find it refreshing to be with someone who is genuine and is not playing some game.



Of course , l preach that stuff myself. Again though , missing the point .
PS , she finds me very refreshing , Rolf ..


----------



## muskrat

I believe your point is that she has been hit on a lot and had a lot of guys try to play games with her. Thus she is suspicious of all men and thinks everything you do is some kind of trick. The solution to this is be yourself. Over time she will see through your actions that this is who you are. That there is no trick, no game. It is just you, a nice lovable guy. By being yourself it is easy to be consistent. 
That my friend is how you show how you feel through your actions. It is all how you treat her, but you must be consistent.


----------



## whitehawk

Ah hu , now your talkin. Very well put Rat.
Lucky for me l don't do tricks , or games , or anyone but myself anyway , so maybe she'll be right in time then eh :smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> I believe your point is that she has been hit on a lot and had a lot of guys try to play games with her. Thus she is suspicious of all men and thinks everything you do is some kind of trick. The solution to this is be yourself. Over time she will see through your actions that this is who you are. That there is no trick, no game. It is just you, a nice lovable guy. By being yourself it is easy to be consistent.
> That my friend is how you show how you feel through your actions. It is all how you treat her, but you must be consistent.


Yup and if she can't see what's right in front of her within your personal time limit, it's time to move on.


----------



## whitehawk

One of the very special things about her is she's the type of girl that once that trust and bond is established , l get the feeling there is no one , you'd rather have standing "with you" in your corner .
l love that .


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> One of the very special things about her is she's the type of girl that once that trust and bond is established , l get the feeling there is no one , you'd rather have standing "with you" in your corner .
> 
> l love that .



WH, that's such an awesome thing to say. You seem to like her!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I believe your point is that she has been hit on a lot and had a lot of guys try to play games with her. Thus she is suspicious of all men and thinks everything you do is some kind of trick. The solution to this is be yourself. Over time she will see through your actions that this is who you are. That there is no trick, no game. It is just you, a nice lovable guy. By being yourself it is easy to be consistent.
> That my friend is how you show how you feel through your actions. It is all how you treat her, but you must be consistent.


Yeah, so Rat...pretty sure you need to move to MO and marry me!


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Yup and if she can't see what's right in front of her within your personal time limit, it's time to move on.



Ahh yeah . Your spot on with that one D. lt is such a time thing with her.
But as long as we can move forward , l don't care at what pace , l've got all the time in the world .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> WH, that's such an awesome thing to say. You seem to like her!



Haha thanks Mox. That stuff is very important to me.
And yep , l'm stuck on this one :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Wow! Whitehawk has found love?

=O


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> This may be my dumbest question yet , but how exactly do we do that then.
> Beach house hasn't been with anyone for a long time except me but she's had dozens trying , she's very suspicious, add her ex .
> But she is sooo fkg gorgeous , l could look at her all day .





muskrat said:


> I believe your point is that she has been hit on a lot and had a lot of guys try to play games with her. Thus she is suspicious of all men and thinks everything you do is some kind of trick. The solution to this is be yourself. Over time she will see through your actions that this is who you are. That there is no trick, no game. It is just you, a nice lovable guy. By being yourself it is easy to be consistent.
> That my friend is how you show how you feel through your actions. It is all how you treat her, but you must be consistent.


 Yes. Especially the consistency part. Actions that show you care and that it is not all about you. Actively listen to her. Remember what she says. Watch the little things that show that you are a team player and *considerate of her*. But be yourself. Otherwise, it is not sustainable and doesn't come across as sincere.



whitehawk said:


> One of the very special things about her is she's the type of girl that once that trust and bond is established , l get the feeling there is no one , you'd rather have standing "with you" in your corner .
> l love that .




She sounds like she is worth waiting for. Skip your personal time limit and work with hers.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> And NE you got it right that guys will lie to you all day about how beautiful and amazing you are.. but do they show you thats how they feel...*actions not words*.


:iagree:



whitehawk said:


> This may be my dumbest question yet , but how exactly do we do that then.


By saying one thing and doing another. Some guys (and women) will talk a big game and then it turns out they really aren't even that into yo. So actions show the truth.


----------



## Another Planet

Sometimes I hear what guys are saying about love is hard and finding the right one is tough and I just scratch my head cause with my GF and I it was like someone wrote our script for us already, once we met everything else has just happened and continues everyday so easy.
I have forgotten what the other side feels like, the not good side. BUT last night I was laying there with my GF watching TV..... GASP!?! I know I know TV.....
Anyway in the show there is an estranged wife and she shows up at her husbands house and he gets all excited and hugs her and tells her how glad he is she is back and she is like "no I am here to tell you goodbye".....
And then I was like oh yeah that's what the shiatty side is like again


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL, AP. 

That is what makes finding someone who gels with you so nice--because, it is a rarity (at least, this has been my experience throughout life).


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> LOL, AP.
> 
> That is what makes finding someone who gels with you so nice--because, it is a rarity (at least, this has been my experience throughout life).


Yeah it is! 
I have had "adult" thoughts about her already!  And I am just like woah woah woah slow your roll there AP!


----------



## Jellybeans

"Adult" thoughts? Meaning... SEX? I thought you already did that.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> "Adult" thoughts? Meaning... SEX? I thought you already did that.


ROFLOLOLing no I mean I drove past a house that was for sale and had thoughts about living with her.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh, damn. You have only been dating for about two months, right?

I don't know if I'd say that's adult where as it is definitely Speedy Gonzalez Dating.

Go slow, man!


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Sometimes I hear what guys are saying about love is hard and finding the right one is tough and I just scratch my head cause with my GF and I it was like someone wrote our script for us already, once we met everything else has just happened and continues everyday so easy.
> 
> 
> 
> I hear you AP . lt was like that when l met my ex. That just went onto it's own auto from the second we layed eyes on each other.
> 
> And to be honest , l've had difficult messed up heads before and it can be a long and frustrating road.
> But people think l'm only talking about the guys hitting on her thing because l just mentioned her ex but no more. But that's the other side of the coin with her and it was horrific.
> l did talk about it once on tam back when l first met her but l didn't really wanna touch it again tbh.
> But l can say though , things go much much deeper with her than just the guys thing.
> And to be honest , even with what we feel and that she finally admitted to the other day which was a huge step for her, l really in all honesty , still don't hold that much hope.
> She was so badly hurt and it went on for so long , tbh she could never stop self sabotaging .
> But , that doesn't mean she won't , maybe she could, don't know.
> 
> So l'm well aware l am probably asking for trouble in this.
> But , maybe with the security of a loving relationship , she can leave it all behind . l don't know , it's a gamble for me and she is pretty highly strung which won't help the cause either .


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, damn. You have only been dating for about two months, right?
> 
> I don't know if I'd say that's adult where as it is definitely Speedy Gonzalez Dating.
> 
> Go slow, man!


Yeah first date was the beginning of March and then it has pretty much been non stop since.
I just meant adult in a sense of blending lives. 
No she upped her lease again for another year in April so it's all good. I have to many plans yet for my life.....it was just a wandering thought nothing serious. Kind of the same seeing if they mesh with your friends and family well or not.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> LOL, AP.
> 
> That is what makes finding someone who gels with you so nice--because, it is a rarity (at least, this has been my experience throughout life).



To right JB and to find it in the whole package enough to build a future together is about 50x rarer again.


----------



## muskrat

I know the whole blending families thing is where I will struggle. It is one thing for me to like and date you, but you better be one exceptional lady for me to allow you into my kids lives.


----------



## whitehawk

Me too , l couldn't even imagine doing it.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> t is one thing for me to like and date you, but you better be one exceptional lady for me to allow you into my kids lives.


I don't have kids but I hear you because I don't go around introducing just any Tom, Dlck or Harry to my family or friends.


----------



## angstire

So, I met someone and it's going really well. Like, really well.

There are other relationships on the other side of the D/split/whatever. It's not all crazy, whacked-in-the-head girls (and guys) to date and then they fade away.

It's almost a year since X2 moved out. Over a year that I found out she was leaving and then she said we were done for real and gave up the farce of MC. 

I learned a lot in the last 12 months. Some that sucked, but what can you do but deal with reality and move on and hopefully learn to be so much better. And, I'm not done learning, for sure.

And then to meet someone; it's a pretty good way to end a crap year.

I'm not rushing this along, but it's going really well.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> ROFLOLOLing no I mean I drove past a house that was for sale and had thoughts about living with her.



Not so bad AP. Ex and l shacked up in 3wks. Still would be :rofl: , if not for some momentary sanity lapses .


----------



## moxy

Angstire -- so happy for you! How'd y'all meet?


----------



## whitehawk

angstire said:


> So, I met someone and it's going really well. Like, really well.
> 
> There are other relationships on the other side of the D/split/whatever. It's not all crazy, whacked-in-the-head girls (and guys) to date and then they fade away.
> 
> It's almost a year since X2 moved out. Over a year that I found out she was leaving and then she said we were done for real and gave up the farce of MC.
> 
> I learned a lot in the last 12 months. Some that sucked, but what can you do but deal with reality and move on and hopefully learn to be so much better. And, I'm not done learning, for sure.
> 
> And then to meet someone; it's a pretty good way to end a crap year.
> 
> I'm not rushing this along, but it's going really well.



Great news Ang , all the best with things hey.


----------



## angstire

moxy said:


> Angstire -- so happy for you! How'd y'all meet?


Thanks! 

We met online. Turns out she lives like a mile from me, so that's made it easy to see each other plenty.

She had dinner with my kiddos last week. My girls like her, but they wanted me to confirm no one is moving in and that they will still get plenty of daddy solo time.


----------



## ne9907

Morning all!
Last night, I get a weird text, obviously sent to me by mystake. It had to do with a work project, and calling the person once he got home.
I google the area code and it was from out of state (the same state blue eyes is from)
I replied with "Wrong number"

They replied with Ops sorry.

THis morning I checked the number on an online register and yep, It was blue eyes.

When we ended things, I totally deleted his contact information. So I didnt know it was him. I will delete it again!
I think he was fishing, oh well. I am done with him.


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> She had dinner with my kiddos last week. My girls like her, but they wanted me to confirm no one is moving in and that they will still get plenty of daddy solo time.


:rofl:

Girls can be so funny. I am very protective of my father. LOL


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Girls can be so funny. I am very protective of my father. LOL


My daughter saw a picture of the last one I went on a date with. She asked me who she was, I told her she was a new friend.

She then went on to say "do you like her?" I told her that I hadn't met her yet and didn't know. She followed up with "it's okay to like her, you like her!".

Right out of a cheesy movie. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

So cute!


----------



## muskrat

My daughter once told me that she wanted me to get married again. When I asked her why she told me because she wants a baby sister. :rofl:

I'm just not sure how she and her brother would really feel if they saw me with someone.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I haven't talked to my kids about my dating life, it will be a long time before they meet anyone.

On several occasions I've corrected my daughter when she calls the exes internet boyfriend a "friend". She's been told by the ex that he's her boyfriend and I want the kids to know the difference between a friend and boyfriend/girlfriend.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> My daughter once told me that she wanted me to get married again. When I asked her why she told me because she wants a baby sister. :rofl:
> 
> I'm just not sure how she and her brother would really feel if they saw me with someone.


LOL mine little guy says the same Rat... im very protective of him, it needs to be serious for me to introduce a guy... i don't even let him see a guys pic that im dating anymore... he gets enough random women/stray tail introduction with my exh


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> My daughter once told me that she wanted me to get married again. When I asked her why she told me because she wants a baby sister. :rofl:
> 
> I'm just not sure how she and her brother would really feel if they saw me with someone.


How goes it with the German lady you went out on a date with?

You dont have to explain a simple Really well, well enough, or done will suffice


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> How goes it with the German lady you went out on a date with?
> 
> You dont have to explain a simple Really well, well enough, or done will suffice


We go out about once a week. I'm still trying to figure out how much I like her. She seems like she would be perfect for me and yet I feel like something is missing. Maybe I'm more messed up than I thought. Guess I'll just have to move to MO or Narnia.


----------



## Jellybeans

What is it that is missing, Musk?


----------



## muskrat

I guess I just don't have the spark that I think I should. I wanted to just play it out for a little and see what happens, but I think she is falling hard for me and I don't want to hurt her. Why must this crap be so difficult?


----------



## Jellybeans

Gah! I hate when that happens!!!!!!!!


----------



## muskrat

The last time we saw each other, as she was leaving she gave me a hug and a kiss and asked where have I been all her life. I'm kind of freaked out now. I was just going to see if my feelings grow, but I may not have much time to do that now. I don't want to string her along and I don't want to hurt her. I just feel like I'm forced to decide on a relationship or not before I'm ready to make that decision.
Then again maybe I'm over thinking this all. I do have a tendency to think to much.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I guess I just don't have the spark that I think I should. I wanted to just play it out for a little and see what happens, but I think she is falling hard for me and I don't want to hurt her. Why must this crap be so difficult?


This is exactly the situation with me and the last guy I went out with. He seems like such a great match, but _something_ is just not there for me.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> This is exactly the situation with me and the last guy I went out with. He seems like such a great match, but _something_ is just not there for me.


I guess you will just have to move east then.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> The last time we saw each other, as she was leaving she gave me a hug and a kiss and asked where have I been all her life.


DUDE. You are me. 

:rofl:


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> DUDE. You are me.
> 
> :rofl:


It is scary how much alike we are. You are much prettier than me however.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I guess I just don't have the spark that I think I should. I wanted to just play it out for a little and see what happens, but I think she is falling hard for me and I don't want to hurt her. Why must this crap be so difficult?


That is how I feel with Irish. 
On the other hand, I am crazy about army guy. But my issue is committment. I am crazy about Army guy because he is far away and the chance of meeting in person is slim. 
BTW Army guy put in his leave for July..... so... maybe we will meet.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> That is how I feel with Irish.
> On the other hand, I am crazy about army guy. But my issue is committment. I am crazy about Army guy because he is far away and the chance of meeting in person is slim.
> BTW Army guy put in his leave for July..... so... maybe we will meet.


You are crazy about the IDEA of Army guy. Very likely you will meet and feel the same as you do with Irish. Hard to say.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> It is scary how much alike we are. You are much prettier than me however.


:rofl:

Guy that I went out with who kissed me who I felt nothing with... recently texted me a corny pic saying he hoped my day was as nice as my butt.

Over the weekend he also said he was near my vicinity and that..."we should hang out." Told him I already had plans and then he starts messaging me later about how I should stop what I am doing and forget about the world and my life and go be with him. Nope.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Guy that I went out with who kissed me who I felt nothing with... recently texted me a corny pic saying he hoped my was as nice as my butt.
> 
> Over the weekend he also said he was near my vicinity and that..."we should hang out." Told him I already had plans and then he starts messaging me later about how I should stop what I am doing and forget about the world and my life and go be with him. Nope.


His line made me puke in my mouth a little.


----------



## Jellybeans

Which one? LOL.

Hehe you would never survive dating if you were me, Daddio (or Muskrat, apparently).


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> His line made me puke in my mouth a little.


haha
it made me go "awwww, he probably thinks that line is cute"

Worse line I've heard recently was
"Lets hop in a car and go somewhere neither one of us have ever been to"

Yeah.....


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Which one? LOL.
> 
> Hehe you would never survive dating if you were me, Daddio (or Muskrat, apparently).


I don't do lines nor do I give excessive compliments.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Worse line I've heard recently was
> "Lets hop in a car and go somewhere neither one of us have ever been to"
> 
> Yeah.....


I've never used that as a line, but I love doing that kind if sh!t


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> haha
> it made me go "awwww, he probably thinks that line is cute"
> 
> Worse line I've heard recently was
> *"Lets hop in a car and go somewhere neither one of us have ever been to"*
> 
> Yeah.....


I guess time makes all the difference on that one. Mr. Mantastic said the very same thing to me this weekend and I was like "Yes! When??!!??" We're dying of the spring fever now though since it's been a whole week since the last snow and a day and a half since we had thunderstorms and tornadoes.....

In fact, about to schedule a "conference call" on my calendar so I can get me some golf lessons booked! :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Now if a guy whispers in my ear
"I tred to be chill, but you are so hot that i melted"

Now we are talking!!!! I am kidding, I do love the song, but I would probably laugh.


----------



## muskrat

Seriously, the average guy can not be as stupid as the crap you ladies experience. I could never imagine saying to someone I barely know that I hope their day is as nice as their butt.

As for the nightmare that is dating. All the ones I like and would like to spend more time with, blow me off. If I'm on the fence or not interested, they are in "love". It is all very frustrating.


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> I guess time makes all the difference on that one. Mr. Mantastic said the very same thing to me this weekend and I was like "Yes! When??!!??" We're dying of the spring fever now though since it's been a whole week since the last snow and a day and a half since we had thunderstorms and tornadoes.....
> 
> In fact, about to schedule a "conference call" on my calendar so I can get me some golf lessons booked! :rofl:


I do too, love to get in my car and just drive to new places. But this particular person knew about my love for traveling and he was using my own psyche to further his.



muskrat said:


> Seriously, the average guy can not be as stupid as the crap you ladies experience. I could never imagine saying to someone I barely know that I hope their day is as nice as their butt.
> 
> As for the nightmare that is dating. All the ones I like and would like to spend more time with, blow me off. If I'm on the fence or not interested, they are in "love". It is all very frustrating.


Love is weird, that is for sure. I crushing hard on an impossibility. 
I do wonder what 3X said, if we do meet in July, there will probably be no spark and be a huge dissapointment. At least we will be in Vegas and I am only four hours away from my place.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Seriously, the average guy can not be as stupid as the crap you ladies experience. I could never imagine saying to someone I barely know that I hope their day is as nice as their butt.


You have no idea, MR, no idea.

I have yet to meet someone that has not made me go "Huh??? did that just happen?" :scratchhead: with all this online dating nonsense.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> Seriously, the average guy can not be as stupid as the crap you ladies experience. I could never imagine saying to someone I barely know that I hope their day is as nice as their butt.
> 
> 
> 
> As for the nightmare that is dating. All the ones I like and would like to spend more time with, blow me off. If I'm on the fence or not interested, they are in "love". It is all very frustrating.



You are giving too many men too much credit. Some of the things that people say are ridiculously short-sighted and insincere, too.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> You have no idea, MR, no idea.
> 
> I have yet to meet someone that has not made me go "Huh??? did that just happen?" :scratchhead: with all this online dating nonsense.


Blue eyes was actually very decent, he once tried to tell me how y eyes are captivating, but I seriously do not like to hear flattering sh!t from people I just met. So after he said something about my eyes, I said, stop it! and put my sunglasses on.

hmmm.... sometimes I am a ***** on dates. Seriously. But I am also charming, and honest. 
Well, I am not a ***** but neither do I act flirty or overly enthusiastic. I enjoy their company and show it. But never a hug or a kiss. Not on first dates.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I don't do lines nor do I give excessive compliments.


I don't do lines but I will VERY sincerely compliment a women if I want her to know. I have no problem telling that I think she looks absolutely gorgeous as long as she really does.


----------



## Lon

vi_bride04 said:


> You have no idea, MR, no idea.
> 
> I have yet to meet someone that has not made me go "Huh??? did that just happen?" :scratchhead: with all this online dating nonsense.


Which makes it truly infuriating for a normal decent guy when he can't even get a chick online to talk to him! Considering the low calibre of what he's up against, he must be in truly dire straits if he is the most undesirable of undesirables lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm not even talking about lines/compliments/love bombs or anything like that. I'm referring to things such as talking about other girls and what happened on their dates with me, stopping by my house unexpectedly with no warning, taking my food/drink/smokes without asking...things like that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> Which makes it truly infuriating for a normal decent guy when he can't even get a chick online to talk to him! Considering the low calibre of what he's up against, he must be in truly dire straits if he is the most undesirable of undesirables lol.


I almost think the "normal, decent guys" are so few and far between that when women actually stumble onto one they think something is REALLY wrong since he acts so opposite of everything they have been dealing with! lol


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm not even talking about lines/compliments/love bombs or anything like that. I'm referring to things such as talking about other girls and what happened on their dates with me, stopping by my house unexpectedly with no warning, taking my food/drink/smokes without asking...things like that.


 wow people act like that? :scratchhead:


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> wow people act like that? :scratchhead:


Yes. The first two examples were the same guy. 

Stopped by my house unexpectedly and then was going on and on and on about one of his "female friends" he went out with the previous Saturday. Oh so THATS why he blew me off....got it. 

Really, I am done with dating for now. Its better being bored, lonely and by myself than deal with such utter bullsh!t.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I don't do lines but I will VERY sincerely compliment a women if I want her to know. I have no problem telling that I think she looks absolutely gorgeous as long as she really does.


Oh I told the last one her giggle was insanely cute.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I almost think the "normal, decent guys" are so few and far between that when women actually stumble onto one they think something is REALLY wrong since he acts so opposite of everything they have been dealing with! lol


Sooooo true!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

It's not that all the good guys are taken/gone/unappreciated, it's just demographics. Right guy at the wrong time or wrong guy right when you want any guy, any guy at all. 

If you actually had yourself together and were honest with yourself, you wouldn't have a problem attracting the so called "right guys".


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm not even talking about lines/compliments/love bombs or anything like that. I'm referring to things such as *talking about other girls and what happened on their dates with me, stopping by my house unexpectedly with no warning, taking my food/drink/smokes without asking...*things like that.


Where are your boundaries?


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> I almost think the "normal, decent guys" are so few and far between that when women actually stumble onto one they think something is REALLY wrong since he acts so opposite of everything they have been dealing with! lol




Yeah and this can be a real thing for a guy.
With beach house it's hard to even say anything nice or offer to do something for her because she's had every numbskull for miles offering and saying.
She knows l'm different now,but you know !


----------



## whitehawk

lt's fkg weird hearing al this stuff and you have trouble with the "just assuming" from girls on line too. But l wouldn't even have a line , l couldn't even think of one . Or games .

lt's funny , when l'm gonna meet someone or wanna , the only word even l know for sure l'll probably at least say is hi. That's it , l'm winging it from there .


----------



## caladan

whitehawk said:


> lt's fkg weird hearing al this stuff and you have trouble with the "just assuming" from girls on line too. But l wouldn't even have a line , l couldn't even think of one . Or games .
> 
> lt's funny , when l'm gonna meet someone or wanna , the only word even l know for sure l'll probably at least say is hi. That's it , l'm winging it from there .


Hi?

Heh. That doesn't work on dating sites apparently. I can't count the number of profiles I've seen that have comments along the lines of "say something more than just hi".

It's a bit disappointing I guess, when one crafts a proper message, and then doesn't get a response. I mean, I understand, there are lots of creeps out there, but....


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah when l first joined , l read all this stuff and everyone was talking about it here.
So being an online thing l did try to do it like they say but only because apparently you wouldn't get a look in if you didn't , or something like that :scratchhead:

But l just got snubbed anyway and it was bs.
So l started to think fk this for a joke and just sent something short like Hi , l really liked your page , would you like to chat.
That's about it really. And guess what, nearly everyone writes back now .
Go figure !

The way l look at it is she'll go checkout my page first anyway and make up her own mind .


----------



## whitehawk

Sometimes if there's something funny on her page l relate to l've cracked a bit of a joke about it or something like that but l don't go to any more trouble than that to start.

And if someone writes to me first , there's basically only about 2 things they'll say.
It's usually like hi , l loved your profile and just thought l'd say hi.
That's usually about it.


----------



## RandomDude

one asked me personal questions from the get go! bah! meh, I gave smartass answers 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> one asked me personal questions from the get go! bah! meh, I gave smartass answers
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sure that it served your purpose.


----------



## SoVeryLost

So I have a good one.

Was supposed to go on a date this coming weekend with a guy I met on Tinder. I know, I know.....

Anyway, he texts me on Monday (Memorial Day), and asks if I'm working. I tell him no, and he says he's going for a ride on his Harley and wants to come see me (he lives a couple towns over). I asked him what time as I had a wake to attend, and he responds with, "oh, no worries then. I was just going down the list and you were the next one so I thought I'd check with you." I was in full stupor mode at this point. Could only mutter "wow" in response. 

He then snapchats me a selfie on his Harley and says, "don't worry, you'll get your turn this weekend."

Words escape me for this particular brand of a-hole.


----------



## moxy

SoVeryLost said:


> So I have a good one.
> 
> Was supposed to go on a date this coming weekend with a guy I met on Tinder. I know, I know.....
> 
> Anyway, he texts me on Monday (Memorial Day), and asks if I'm working. I tell him no, and he says he's going for a ride on his Harley and wants to come see me (he lives a couple towns over). I asked him what time as I had a wake to attend, and he responds with, "oh, no worries then. I was just going down the list and you were the next one so I thought I'd check with you." I was in full stupor mode at this point. Could only mutter "wow" in response.
> 
> He then snapchats me a selfie on his Harley and says, "don't worry, you'll get your turn this weekend."
> 
> Words escape me for this particular brand of a-hole.



Ewwww. I'd have been annoyed.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I've just put in a long day that started at 5 am. Work, gym, 2 softball games and grocery shopping. Didn't walk into my apartment until 9:30.

Icing on the day? A car full of 20 year old girls driving moms Passat got my attention, to tell me I'm hot.

Lol.


----------



## 06Daddio08

SVL, what a winner! (That left me speechless as well).


----------



## moxy

Ugh. These websites are full of weird; someone just asked me if I'd be willing to have a threesome with his buddy and him because he really wants to do that, and then asked if he could send me photos of their fun parts. Sheesh. I don't think ten minutes of online chat is enough preface for that. I'm choosing to be amused. It really seemed like the woman in the occasion would just have been the excuse for the two guys hooking up. Nope, not interested in being an afterthought. Ugh. Dating sucks in the most hilarious ways.


----------



## whitehawk

The other most common first email l get from girls is , and l really like this one :smthumbup:

Wanna chat .

Yep , that's it . At first being new to all this l thought it must've been some site scam auto message thing or something to get you in .
But after a few of them and figuring out how to work the site better l started checking if there was really a girl attached to them haha . And every time they were real .
So l thought oh well , cool with me so l started getting back to some of them.

My site , RSVP , has this pop up chat thing to and some nights that just goes of all night .
l didn't know what that thing was either so l asked one girl and she said, oh that's an instant chat pop up thingy.
l said yeahhhhh !
It's girls asking you if you wanna chat .

Ahhh , really , goodie :smthumbup:

So it turns out if you don't wanna be bothered by it popping up all the time you can set a button to appear of line. Then no one can see your on line and it stops . Pretty nifty .


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I'm sure that it served your purpose.


It did 
It gave me a good laugh so lol 

Just like the story behind this painting


----------



## Nsweet

SoVeryLost said:


> So I have a good one.
> 
> Was supposed to go on a date this coming weekend with a guy I met on Tinder. I know, I know.....
> 
> Anyway, he texts me on Monday (Memorial Day), and asks if I'm working. I tell him no, and he says he's going for a ride on his Harley and wants to come see me (he lives a couple towns over). I asked him what time as I had a wake to attend, and he responds with, "oh, no worries then. I was just going down the list and you were the next one so I thought I'd check with you." I was in full stupor mode at this point. Could only mutter "wow" in response.
> 
> He then snapchats me a selfie on his Harley and says, "don't worry, you'll get your turn this weekend."
> 
> Words escape me for this particular brand of a-hole.


That's that PUA bull**** in action. 

When an idiot thinks if he acts like a fake alpha assh*le that he'll attract a woman, it just screams neediness. Especially when he tries to impress you with his stuff. When you say no, because you're not attracted to idiots, and then he finds some way to punish you for seeing through his bullsh!t and being too creeped out to go out with him... That's when they do something stupid and desperate like sending you pics of d!ks or Harleys.... Or pics of Harleys owned by d!cks.:rofl:



moxy said:


> Ugh. These websites are full of weird; someone just asked me if I'd be willing to have a threesome with his buddy and him because he really wants to do that, and then asked if he could send me photos of their fun parts. Sheesh. I don't think ten minutes of online chat is enough preface for that. I'm choosing to be amused. It really seemed like the woman in the occasion would just have been the excuse for the two guys hooking up. Nope, not interested in being an afterthought. Ugh. Dating sucks in the most hilarious ways.


This one is really funny. Not only are guys so impressed with their penises themselves, but they think you'll like it too and want to have sex after seeing it. Yeah, like that ever works. 

Guys aren't the only ones to try to play the threesome card before you ever get to know them. I've had 3 women so far try to hint at or downright suggest a threeway. Yeah, I'm not stupid. Those women were looking for an excuse to have sex with their friends or some guy they were talking to while we were supposedly mutual. Maybe even live out their bisexual fantasies while under the guise of an anything goes threesome. One even sprung up with "I have a boyfriend" right after sex, and then she had the nerve to suggest a MMF threeway. 

Threeways are not something quality people or potential lifetime partners try to get you into before you're completely comfortable with them and trust them. You can be as kinky as you want to be later on, hopefully with an equally kinky partner. But with a first date... Hey, why don't you save the talk about flogging, anal sex, and group sessions for another time. Maybe when you're sick to death of that person and are willing to risk your relationship, or just really bored with the vanilla stuff. That's just my $.02 on the freaky deaky.


----------



## whitehawk

SoVeryLost said:


> So I have a good one.
> 
> Was supposed to go on a date this coming weekend with a guy I met on Tinder. I know, I know.....
> 
> Anyway, he texts me on Monday (Memorial Day), and asks if I'm working. I tell him no, and he says he's going for a ride on his Harley and wants to come see me (he lives a couple towns over). I asked him what time as I had a wake to attend, and he responds with, "oh, no worries then. I was just going down the list and you were the next one so I thought I'd check with you." I was in full stupor mode at this point. Could only mutter "wow" in response.
> 
> He then snapchats me a selfie on his Harley and says, "don't worry, you'll get your turn this weekend."
> 
> Words escape me for this particular brand of a-hole.



Nice


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Well , Beach house bad news . lt's off .
> For anyone that read what l wrote 2 days back about how it was when we hooked up again on Monday , her true feelings were pretty obvious . And she even admitted later on we are a once in a life time and lots of other very personal stuff. For her to actually say something like this, admit it , was huge and l hoped that finally , she was willing to open that wall of hers.
> 
> So , we were meant to be doing something today but when l got there to pick her up there was no answer. l knew she'd done another back flip and she was probably hiding in a closet so l just left.
> 4hrs later l get this long text saying she's sorry but she can't . She's got her career and all this work and she's flat out , along with some other stuff and that she has to be alone.
> lt's just excuses, she's blocking and had this wall because she knows damn well how strong we are and just too [email protected] scared to open her heart enough to be hurt again l think.
> And l don't think there's a damn thing l can do with it. Her marriage and the ongoing breakup was just so ugly , all the guy stuff since , she's just too effed up.
> This is the second complete back flip she's done on us.
> 
> l think and l've met a few like this now , not as bad but none the less. But some people are just too damaged.


Sounds familiar...

And yup - they always give you a whole bunch of excuses. Best thing to do is just walk - maybe they'll come around after they realised what they had, or not - saves you putting up with more of their BS.

Brings back memories, and why I'm stuck on f--kbuddies!


----------



## whitehawk

l think l accidentally deleted the Beach house chick post .
Oops , sorry people but it's some how in RD's post now so that'll do.


----------



## RandomDude

Er... want me to delete?


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Sounds familiar...
> 
> And yup - they always give you a whole bunch of excuses. Best thing to do is just walk - maybe they'll come around after they realised what they had, or not - saves you putting up with more of their BS.
> 
> Brings back memories, and why I'm stuck on f--kbuddies!




Yeah , true RD , thanks mate . Well , people did warn me back when l first talked about her . Gotta be crazy going near her tbh she's pretty effed up. 

No wonder you go the FB , that one doesn't seem to work for me though and has always gotten complicated .
l seem to be relationship material usually .

Fkg weird though isn't , we knock all these people back and then finally decide someone is just right and they knock you back. 
lt's fkg bs


----------



## whitehawk

And you know what , 2hrs later l get a text from T - Guns n Roses.

lsn't this dating **** fkg [email protected]


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Er... want me to delete?




Na nah , leave it buddy it'll save me re writing it .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , true RD , thanks mate . Well , people did warn me back when l first talked about her . Gotta be crazy going near her tbh she's pretty effed up.
> 
> No wonder you go the FB , that one doesn't seem to work for me though and has always gotten complicated .
> l seem to be relationship material usually .
> 
> Fkg weird though isn't , we knock all these people back and then finally decide someone is just right and they knock you back.
> lt's fkg bs


Well IMO you did the right thing seeing for yourself whether she's fked up or not. Better you know firsthand than wonder 'what if'

As for FB, just be an a$$ like me, and it'll minimise the complications (most of the time)! 

Though hell, you really brought back a memory, one of my dates was like that, great chemistry, but fear. All I can say is... tis a waste =/

Also can't even be a FB due to the fear hence even seducing her physically would just end up with her feeling a connection and then getting scared again - a kiss was enough to have the effect imagine anything more!

Bah! Tis a shame 
*sigh* Oh well, seeing my FB tomorrow night - so yay!


----------



## caladan

whitehawk said:


> Yeah when l first joined , l read all this stuff and everyone was talking about it here.
> So being an online thing l did try to do it like they say but only because apparently you wouldn't get a look in if you didn't , or something like that :scratchhead:
> 
> But l just got snubbed anyway and it was bs.
> So l started to think fk this for a joke and just sent something short like Hi , l really liked your page , would you like to chat.
> That's about it really. And guess what, nearly everyone writes back now .
> Go figure !
> 
> The way l look at it is she'll go checkout my page first anyway and make up her own mind .


Naah, that doesn't work for me either. Trust me on this one, I've tried and tried and tried. I can write quite a mean message while keeping it tight and terse. My writing to response ratio is waay down the scale. I suspect I'm not particularly photogenic, something in the way camera's capture light reflecting off my face I suspect...

On the positive side however, people who actually do agree to meet me seldom turn me down. My first date to relationship ratio is off the charts. I considered changing my pics, but I'm not so sure yet. Maybe someday.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Well IMO you did the right thing seeing for yourself whether she's fked up or not. Better you know firsthand than wonder 'what if'
> 
> As for FB, just be an a$$ like me, and it'll minimise the complications (most of the time)!
> 
> Though hell, you really brought back a memory, one of my dates was like that, great chemistry, but fear. All I can say is... tis a waste =/
> 
> Also can't even be a FB due to the fear hence even seducing her physically would just end up with her feeling a connection and then getting scared again - a kiss was enough to have the effect imagine anything more!
> 
> Bah! Tis a shame
> *sigh* Oh well, seeing my FB tomorrow night - so yay!



Thanks RD , your right and l am glad l did.
She admits she's so effed up and scared [email protected] . l can't work out how if she knows that why she can't help herself out of it but yeah my God , what a waste .

Well at least you've got some action :smthumbup:


----------



## caladan

Nsweet said:


> Threeways are not something quality people or potential lifetime partners try to get you into before you're completely comfortable with them and trust them.


Can you perhaps personalize this? It's too general, too sweeping. I've got friends who are extremely kinky, and it works for them, and I promise you, they are "quality" people. 

Bottom line - different strokes for different folks, no? I wouldn't do this. I'm unlikely to respond well to this sort of request too. But that's just my preference. When you start using words/phrases like "quality" or "potential lifetime partners", it's just unfair IMO.


----------



## whitehawk

caladan said:


> Naah, that doesn't work for me either. Trust me on this one, I've tried and tried and tried. I can write quite a mean message while keeping it tight and terse. My writing to response ratio is waay down the scale. I suspect I'm not particularly photogenic, something in the way camera's capture light reflecting off my face I suspect...
> 
> On the positive side however, people who actually do agree to meet me seldom turn me down. My first date to relationship ratio is off the charts. I considered changing my pics, but I'm not so sure yet. Maybe someday.



How do you mean date to relationship ratio ?
The pic thing is very weird , some of us do just take bad pics. l've yet to get one l actually even close to like enough . l hate the one l do use .

My problem now seems beach house is a flop , my site is literally out of women anywhere near me . lt does keep changing but lately seems to have slowed way down and there's really no one that interests me at all now.
Bit discouraged to tbh because l've met a fair few but nothings turned out to be anything much.
except for this one T , we're still in touch but l dunno . She's got some fkg issues - again , and l'm just not comfortable about it going anywhere .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Thanks RD , your right and l am glad l did.
> She admits she's so effed up and scared [email protected] . *l can't work out how if she knows that why she can't help herself out of it *but yeah my God , what a waste .
> 
> Well at least you've got some action :smthumbup:


Well, here's another side to it ->

If a woman likes you enough, she wouldn't be coming up with all these excuses. If she likes you enough, she'll want to make it work. If she likes you enough, she'll want to take a chance. However, she doesn't. So in the end, it's just incompatibility, despite the chemistry, it's there, but it's not strong enough.

Fear... well, it's just another excuse... but this is another conclusion which is harder to swallow, but it could be the truth - who knows? 

But yeah, I've been where you're at, and it's hard to figure it out. The fear excuse is easier to swallow, but it leaves you shaking your head... like "What's wrong with her?!"
While the idea of her just not liking you enough, harder to swallow, but gives more closure.

I try not to think about it - or other failed dates, numb it by ramming my FBs - and post about it here too to help me not think about it! But then someone just has to remind me (darn you whitehawk!) lol

*sigh* Finding someone isn't easy


----------



## Jellybeans

SoVeryLost said:


> he says he's going for a ride on his Harley and wants to come see me (he lives a couple towns over). I asked him what time as I had a wake to attend, and he responds with, "oh, no worries then.
> 
> He then snapchats me a selfie on his Harley and says, "don't worry, you'll get your turn this weekend."


:rofl: Omg. What a romantic. I would ignore him from here on out. What a d1ck.



Nsweet said:


> When an idiot thinks if he acts like a fake alpha assh*le that he'll attract a woman, it just screams neediness.


No. It screams d0uchebag.



moxy said:


> Ugh. These websites are full of weird; someone just asked me if I'd be willing to have a threesome with his buddy and him because he really wants to do that, and then asked if he could send me photos of their fun parts.


Ha! You should say, "Yes, please send them STAT." Then when he does tell him "That's all you got? If I am going to have a threeway, I want it with someone well-endowed, not this little carrot finger you have got here. I'll bypass," then delete him, and never speak to him again.


----------



## caladan

whitehawk said:


> How do you mean date to relationship ratio ?
> The pic thing is very weird , some of us do just take bad pics. l've yet to get one l actually even close to like enough . l hate the one l do use .
> 
> My problem now seems beach house is a flop , my site is literally out of women anywhere near me . lt does keep changing but lately seems to have slowed way down and there's really no one that interests me at all now.
> Bit discouraged to tbh because l've met a fair few but nothings turned out to be anything much.
> except for this one T , we're still in touch but l dunno . She's got some fkg issues - again , and l'm just not comfortable about it going anywhere .


Date to relationship ratio is a bit misleading I guess. What I was trying to say was that it's rare for me to actually meet a person, and for that not to work out afterwards. If anything, after the first meet and coffee/drink/other social activity, I'm the one who sometimes gets picky (pics don't match the person (I once had coffee with a pregnant lady!!!), personality/conversation is well below par (some people apparently use professional profile writers), or maybe she ordered the lobster on the first date (yes, this has happened to me...))


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah you do have to wonder and thanks RD. l mean l know what we were and so did she and, l'm the only guy she's let near her in 4yrs.
And l mean she said things to me , about me, us , she's never said to anyone .

But , maybe there is that element on some other level to bc l just don't know either then how those feelings can't over power fear otherwise .


----------



## whitehawk

caladan said:


> Date to relationship ratio is a bit misleading I guess. What I was trying to say was that it's rare for me to actually meet a person, and for that not to work out afterwards. If anything, after the first meet and coffee/drink/other social activity, I'm the one who sometimes gets picky (pics don't match the person (I once had coffee with a pregnant lady!!!), personality/conversation is well below par (some people apparently use professional profile writers), or maybe she ordered the lobster on the first date (yes, this has happened to me...))




:rofl: Really , gotta watch those damn lobsters :rofl:

But yeah right . l'm starting to wonder if it's not just the whole online thing because it's been working like that for me too. Like l could tell from across a room in seconds what takes wks with online , van be weird .
Few nasty surprises to with them using 15yr old pics.
Out of 4 or 5 l've actually met in person though l could've easily built relationships with 3 of them but tbh l've had the similar problem to.
Really , they just haven't been what l'm looking for in some ways. You just know don't you and l never bother going any further if that's how it was for me. There's just no point.
Could've gone for a few FB's as they say l spose but it's not really my thing anyway so !


----------



## whitehawk

Are you suppose to move to a new dating site after a few mths ? 
Like is it a bad look to be around on one too long or ? 

l've been on mine 2 and a half mths - maybe 3, [email protected] that's all . Been a pretty wild ride for such a short time actually .


----------



## Nsweet

caladan said:


> Can you perhaps personalize this? It's too general, too sweeping. I've got friends who are extremely kinky, and it works for them, and I promise you, they are "quality" people.
> 
> Bottom line - different strokes for different folks, no? I wouldn't do this. I'm unlikely to respond well to this sort of request too. But that's just my preference. When you start using words/phrases like "quality" or "potential lifetime partners", it's just unfair IMO.


Would you trust a man that pressures you into threeways after you've only been dating a short while?


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Would you trust a man that pressures you into threeways after you've only been dating a short while?


It would totally turn me off.


----------



## caladan

Nsweet said:


> Would you trust a man that pressures you into threeways after you've only been dating a short while?


Again - different strokes for different folks. I wouldn't trust such a person. But - that's me. There are people out there who are more than okay with that sort of thing. Normal, functioning, and responsible people.

So - to clarify, I'm not saying you're wrong per se. I'm however uncomfortable with the sweeping generalization. There are lots of things that I'm not interested in and other people are.


----------



## Nsweet

You mean "blanket statement"?

I just calls it like I sees it.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah you do have to wonder and thanks RD. l mean l know what we were and so did she and, l'm the only guy she's let near her in 4yrs.
> *And l mean she said things to me , about me, us , she's never said to anyone .*
> 
> But , maybe there is that element on some other level to bc l just don't know either then how those feelings can't over power fear otherwise .


Yup, looks like we were dating the same woman lol

Opened up, then closed off... heck, it could even be that she no longer knew what she wanted, saw something in you, but became unsure for all sorts of crazy reasons!

But hey - who knows with women! Best way to handle them is not try to figure them out - if you value your sanity lol
Otherwise you'll be guessing in circles forever, heh, should stop... and I should stop too! 

On to the next one bro!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> But hey - who knows with women! Best way to handle them is not try to figure them out - if you value your sanity lol


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## caladan

Nsweet said:


> You mean "blanket statement"?
> 
> I just calls it like I sees it.


As do I.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ha! You should say, "Yes, please send them STAT." Then when he does tell him "That's all you got? If I am going to have a threeway, I want it with someone well-endowed, not this little carrot finger you have got here. I'll bypass," then delete him, and never speak to him again.


:lol:

Last night blue eyes texted again, this time he identified himself.
We texted back and forth for a while, all playful banter.
But I ended it with

"Well, i am not horny.... so go fish"

He did not texted afterward at all


----------



## Jellybeans

Gee, I wonder WHY, Ne. You shot him down!

So you guys are still in communication I see... lol


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> :lol:
> 
> Last night blue eyes texted again, this time he identified himself.
> We texted back and forth for a while, all playful banter.
> But I ended it with
> 
> "Well, i am not horny.... so go fish"
> 
> He did not texted afterward at all


Ouch!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, you've got to work on your flirting.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Gee, I wonder WHY, Ne. You shot him down!
> 
> So you guys are still in communication I see... lol


No, we are have not kept in touch. That is why I shot him down in that manner.
We ended things about two weeks ago, because he doesnt do feelings, and it just did not feel right. I deleted him from contacts, I assumed I would never hear from him again. I was wrong.

He texted me tuesday night, pretending he meant to send the text to someone else. I had no idea it was him, as I deleted his number. SO I simply replied with Wrong text.

Then he texted again yesterday, and identified himself. We texted for a while, i knew he wanted a booty call. So I played around with him for a bit, until I shot him down.


----------



## moxy

I'm still bummed about the guy with the tattoos; I suspect that's because I actually liked his personality, not only his body. To be fair, I liked both, but, lately, I've been all about the sex and less about the dating, and I actually wanted to date this guy. I got accustomed to his text-presence throughout my days a bit quickly and now I miss it. It seems like I'm a little too emotionally volatile, lately; my issues are totally showing!

I wasn't offended that someone invited me to a threesome, just that the reason for the invitation was purely incidental and there was other weirdness about it. I've been asked this a bunch of times, and I've participated before, too, so it's not the idea itself that bothered me, just the manner in which is was addressed. Firstly, I'm not really into penis worship and he seemed a little confused by my lack of enthusiasm and excitement at two generic d!ck pics that he did eventually send; so, he then tried to send me more, as if that strategy would work if it were amplified, meaning he just wasn't listening when I said that wasn't going to do it for me. (Yes, Jelly, he did eventually just send me photos; I did NOT ask for them. Instead of insulting him, I just said that it seemed like we wanted different things). Other than the rhetorically unaware approach, there was some other weirdness. Secondly, this guy really seemed to just wanna get it on with his buddy and so whatever woman was involved would be nothing more than an occasion or an excuse. If both people in that threesome are not totally into me, if I'm just incidental, then I am totally uninterested. And, thirdly, the other weird thing (probably the thing that made me most uncomfortable, that I didn't bring up earlier) was that he had a dozen questions about race and ethnicity; he and his buddy were of differing ethnicity and he was trying to figure out how well in between them I managed to fit, like the proportion of melanin in my skin had to somehow balance the the two of them or meet in the middle or something like that. It was weird and it made me think of eugenics and breeding. I'm sure that he will find someone for whom this fantasy heals some deep trauma in a beautiful, Bennetton kind of way, but I don't want to be just a circumstance and I am sick of being seen as a factor of my color or my sex. Wanna tell me I'm hot? Great. Wanna tell me I'm hot and caramel colored? Piss off. I don't mind being objectified for the reasons I like, once in a while. And, for the record, I like a lot of kink in my sex life, though I can do vanilla sex with the right person, but this wasn't my cup of tea.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm still bummed about the guy with the tattoos; I suspect that's because I actually liked his personality, not only his body. To be fair, I liked both, but, lately, I've been all about the sex and less about the dating, and I actually wanted to date this guy. I got accustomed to his text-presence throughout my days a bit quickly and now I miss it. It seems like I'm a little too emotionally volatile, lately; my issues are totally showing!
> 
> I wasn't offended that someone invited me to a threesome, just that the reason for the invitation was purely incidental and there was other weirdness about it. I've been asked this a bunch of times, and I've participated before, too, so it's not the idea itself that bothered me, just the manner in which is was addressed. Firstly, I'm not really into penis worship and he seemed a little confused by my lack of enthusiasm and excitement at two generic d!ck pics that he did eventually send; so, he then tried to send me more, as if that strategy would work if it were amplified, meaning he just wasn't listening when I said that wasn't going to do it for me. (Yes, Jelly, he did eventually just send me photos; I did NOT ask for them. Instead of insulting him, I just said that it seemed like we wanted different things). Other than the rhetorically unaware approach, there was some other weirdness. *Secondly, this guy really seemed to just wanna get it on with his buddy and so whatever woman was involved would be nothing more than an occasion or an excuse*. If both people in that threesome are not totally into me, if I'm just incidental, then I am totally uninterested. And, thirdly, the other weird thing (probably the thing that made me most uncomfortable, that I didn't bring up earlier) was that he had a dozen questions about race and ethnicity; he and his buddy were of differing ethnicity and he was trying to figure out how well in between them I managed to fit, like the proportion of melanin in my skin had to somehow balance the the two of them or meet in the middle or something like that. It was weird and it made me think of eugenics and breeding. I'm sure that he will find someone for whom this fantasy heals some deep trauma in a beautiful, Bennetton kind of way, but I don't want to be just a circumstance and I am sick of being seen as a factor of my color or my sex. Wanna tell me I'm hot? Great. Wanna tell me I'm hot and caramel colored? Piss off. I don't mind being objectified for the reasons I like, once in a while. And, for the record, I like a lot of kink in my sex life, though I can do vanilla sex with the right person, but this wasn't my cup of tea.


 so weird...


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> l think l accidentally deleted the Beach house chick post .
> Oops , sorry people but it's some how in RD's post now so that'll do.




I'm sorry, whitehawk.


----------



## unsure78

Im getting laid tonight....YEA!! Fingers crossed that its great....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Im getting laid tonight....YEA!! Fingers crossed that its great....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why would it not be great, and why would your friends crossing their fingers have any effect on the outcome of you being bedded?


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Im getting laid tonight....YEA!! Fingers crossed that its great....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought women hated planned sex?


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> Why would it not be great, and why would your friends crossing their fingers have any effect on the outcome of you being bedded?


lol Lon 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> I thought women hated planned sex?


uhh i like to know its going to happen...makes me antcipate..it more and think about it all day
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Why would it not be great, and why would your friends crossing their fingers have any effect on the outcome of you being bedded?


Moral support! You can do it Unsure! 



hope4family said:


> I thought women hated planned sex?


If someone plans it for her not if she plans it for herself lol


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Moral support! You can do it Unsure!
> 
> 
> 
> If someone plans it for her not if she plans it for herself lol


 Thanks Another! yea for sex!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Yup, looks like we were dating the same woman lol
> 
> Opened up, then closed off... heck, it could even be that she no longer knew what she wanted, saw something in you, but became unsure for all sorts of crazy reasons!
> 
> But hey - who knows with women! Best way to handle them is not try to figure them out - if you value your sanity lol
> Otherwise you'll be guessing in circles forever, heh, should stop... and I should stop too!
> 
> On to the next one bro!




:rofl: Yep, does your head in worse than the stock market .

Hey , but here l go again - will l ever learn :scratchhead: but here's what l reckon.
lt's maybe because we were so full on that she is running while she still can. Like her marriage stuff was that bad , she just can't go there again so she's bailing while she still can.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Thanks Another! yea for sex!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yay for orgasmic sex


----------



## moxy

hope4family said:


> I thought women hated planned sex?



I just like sex -- planned, spontaneous, virtual, or on the page.

And now that my FWB has moved away I am missing it something awful.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Yay for orgasmic sex



Yes, vi, I agree; always Yay for an orgasm!


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> uhh i like to know its going to happen...makes me antcipate..it more and think about it all day
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


....they need to make more like you...STAT!


----------



## hope4family

On a side note...looks like i'm hanging out with that red head again this weekend. *shrugs* 

See where she goes.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Im getting laid tonight....YEA!! Fingers crossed that its great....


It will be. Once he gets a look at your magnificent chi-chis, you are going to have him under a sex spell. 

Don't hurt him, Unsure.


----------



## whitehawk

Now this is what l mean about some of the messages from the girls. l just had some new ones come through my phone.

Coffee or tea ? that was it !
l hope your having a nice day ! that was it !
l lost my phone number can l borrow yours ? that was it !
The phone number one l've had a few times , could be one of the running joke lines or something :scratchhead:

Not that l'm complaining l appreciate the interest , just sayin though you know .
Funny really .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> It will be. Once he gets a look at your magnificent chi-chis, you are going to have him under a sex spell.
> 
> Don't hurt him, Unsure.


My question is, WHO IS IT??


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok the phone # thing is lame and dumb. Especially if you've gotten it multiple times. 

CORNY. Haha.

But...did you give them your phone #? Inquiring minds want to know!


----------



## moxy

Wow, WH, those are awful!

I just say what I would if I met that person in real life. Those are nauseating lines. I can't believe anyone uses them!


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> :rofl: Yep, does your head in worse than the stock market .
> 
> Hey , but here l go again - will l ever learn :scratchhead: but here's what l reckon.
> lt's maybe because we were so full on that she is running while she still can. Like her marriage stuff was that bad , she just can't go there again so she's bailing while she still can.


It could be, or not - that's the point - you'll never know!

Hence I gave up trying to find closure - cause you won't find it. Can spend weeks dwelling on... was it me? What's wrong with her? What could I have done? Driving yourself insane in the process!

It's better to just chalk it up as just simply 'not meant to be' and move on.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Wow, WH, those are awful!
> 
> I just say what I would if I met that person in real life. Those are nauseating lines. I can't believe anyone uses them!



Really mox , that's about all they ever say if they email first.
Some say- hey , love your profile.
Some - wanna chat. 
Some send a kiss or a wink .

But yep , that's about it . l don't mind , maybe that's online dating , humor or something , no idea really but it gives me a laugh .

One l met about 2 mths back still sends me 2 text a wk and they just say - 
hey , how's it goin ?
Same every time . l don't mind , kinda funny and eh at least someones thinking of me :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Now this is what l mean about some of the messages from the girls. l just had some new ones come through my phone.
> 
> Coffee or tea ? that was it !
> l hope your having a nice day ! that was it !
> *l lost my phone number can l borrow yours ?* that was it !
> The phone number one l've had a few times , could be one of the running joke lines or something :scratchhead:
> 
> Not that l'm complaining l appreciate the interest , just sayin though you know .
> Funny really .


That's funny
I never got any pick up lines like that


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> That's funny
> I never got any pick up lines like that


Yeah that's what l reckon AP , l just take it with a grain of salt. Maybe they even mean it in a half humorous way, people are pretty kick back round here.

But eh , so what do they say on yours anyway ? NOT  , that your on it anymore haha , but what sort of stuff do they say ?


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> It could be, or not - that's the point - you'll never know!
> 
> Hence I gave up trying to find closure - cause you won't find it. Can spend weeks dwelling on... was it me? What's wrong with her? What could I have done? Driving yourself insane in the process!
> 
> It's better to just chalk it up as just simply 'not meant to be' and move on.



To right RD, it's chalked :smthumbup:
Thankfully short and sweet !


----------



## caladan

whitehawk said:


> Yeah that's what l reckon AP , l just take it with a grain of salt. Maybe they even mean it in a half humorous way, people are pretty kick back round here.
> 
> But eh , so what do they say on yours anyway ? NOT  , that your on it anymore haha , but what sort of stuff do they say ?


Are you like 6'2" and have long flowing hair with body and bounce?

I've never EVAH been hit on by women on any of my dating sites.

Oh wait - I got a message from a faceless, unfilled profile, giving me her (his?) number and asking me to text if I want. Apparently he/she also has pics. Does this count?


----------



## muskrat

caladan said:


> Are you like 6'2" and have long flowing hair with body and bounce?
> 
> I've never EVAH been hit on by women on any of my dating sites.
> 
> Oh wait - I got a message from a faceless, unfilled profile, giving me her (his?) number and asking me to text if I want. Apparently he/she also has pics. Does this count?



I get a hi once in a blue moon, but that is it. I agree that it gets very frustrating taking the time to write a nice thoughtful message and never getting a response. I have heard that 10% of men get 90% of the messages. So it seems like online dating is a complete waste of time for us average guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I get a hi once in a blue moon, but that is it. I agree that it gets very frustrating taking the time to write a nice thoughtful message and never getting a response. I have heard that 10% of men get 90% of the messages. So it seems like online dating is a complete waste of time for us average guys.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I think it depends on what average happens to be. I don't think women necessarily message the hottest guys on the site, just the ones that inspire some interest. I've turned down insanely hot men in favor of cuddlier ones, just because of personality preferences or attitude. Maybe it has to do with the kinds of photos on the profile? The kinds of details included? That makes a difference.


----------



## caladan

muskrat said:


> I get a hi once in a blue moon, but that is it. I agree that it gets very frustrating taking the time to write a nice thoughtful message and never getting a response. I have heard that 10% of men get 90% of the messages. So it seems like online dating is a complete waste of time for us average guys.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahaha.

It's supposed to get better after 35 or so, but I've been there for a while now, and while it is indeed better than before, it's still rather hard going. Damn the 10%.


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> I think it depends on what average happens to be. I don't think women necessarily message the hottest guys on the site, just the ones that inspire some interest. I've turned down insanely hot men in favor of cuddlier ones, just because of personality preferences or attitude. Maybe it has to do with the kinds of photos on the profile? The kinds of details included? That makes a difference.


Actually, I think it's almost all about looks. If you don't meet the looks threshold, it doesn't matter one jot how clever your profile is or how well written, or how fuzzy your hipster beard is. Don't get me wrong - I also have my own physical expectations, so I don't really mind anymore. Whatever floats one's boat I say. I get loads of angst and heartache for my relationship choices. The pain of rejection can sometimes been exquisite and intense. But - meh, I don't care. I pay the piper, and I dance the tune. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Besides, as a guy, I'm used to the "mass marketing" style. Sooner or later, someone I find attractive will find me attractive.


----------



## unsure78

sooooo yea for getting off!!! very talented tongue skills and I can work with the rest....


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> hope4family said:
> 
> 
> 
> I thought women hated planned sex?
> 
> 
> 
> If someone plans it for her not if she plans it for herself lol
Click to expand...

I know you're joking, but you're also totally on point here! Spontaneous is good, but having the planned sex is ALSO good b/c it means she's been on his mind for a good while


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> i just like sex -- planned, spontaneous, virtual, or on the page.
> 
> And now that my fwb has moved away i am missing it something awful.


phone. Sex.


----------



## unsure78

caladan said:


> . If you don't meet the looks threshold, it doesn't matter one jot how clever your profile is or how well written, or how fuzzy your hipster beard is. .


This is true, they need to meet my looks threshold if not no way...but once past that point, many other things are taken into account including, writing style, profession (not a money thing per say I just tend to like more science/technical/engineering types of guys), if they have kids..ect

I have picked the lesser looking of two men before, based on the overall package,compatibility, and what resonates with me... just did actually, if you look at my profile pics i was just dating the first two guys...one avg-ish but cute guy, the other VERY handsome and very fit as well.... in the end i actually picked the cute but avg guy...


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I get a hi once in a blue moon, but that is it. I agree that it gets very frustrating taking the time to write a nice thoughtful message and never getting a response. I have heard that 10% of men get 90% of the messages. So it seems like online dating is a complete waste of time for us average guys.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi There Muskrat! Want to go hunting this weekend? I will bring the beer!!


----------



## whitehawk

Oh [email protected] sorry to hear that guys , might have to wait till AP makes an appearance, he use to get them.
l know Rats got more fans round here though than just about anyone :smthumbup: , Casanova that he is !

Mox is exactly right though and l'm similar with the girls . l'd much rather the things about the person that are very important to me than some model with the quirks to match.
And in that it's about what you say on your page to and that doesn't mean how slick it is either.

Tell you something really bizarre. l couldn't get a look in, talk about a kicking.
Two wks , nothin . So l closed that fckr down in disgust . Then about a wk later l thought no l'll open it again but l'll just let it float around seems no one will talk to me anyway.
So l had to make a new page , very disheartened. So l just threw together about 5 lines in 2-3mins and the first silly new user name l could think of and guess what , it's been thumping ever since .
They even write to me all the time telling me how much they love my profile or user name - they even ask me about my user name -huuu !- all the time, :scratchhead: 
l think it was ns sayin he did something like that to and got heaps of interest - go figure . As RD was sayin , who can figure them out :rofl:


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> sooooo yea for getting off!!! very talented tongue skills and I can work with the rest....


It was his battle to lose. 

Sounds like a win win.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Oh [email protected] sorry to hear that guys , might have to wait till AP makes an appearance, he use to get them.
> *l know Rats got more fans round here though than just about anyone :smthumbup: , Casanova that he is !*


Yes he does, pretty good for an "average guy"!


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> It was his battle to lose.
> 
> Sounds like a win win.


Both of us walked away happy last night  Hes very sweet and thoughtful actually, I like him... a nice change of pace from my normal pick of a$$hole..lol


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Both of us walked away happy last night  Hes very sweet and thoughtful actually, I like him... a nice change of pace from my normal pick of a$$hole..lol


hhmm,

I wonder have you seen the light?


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> This is true, they need to meet my looks threshold if not no way...but once past that point, many other things are taken into account including, writing style, profession (not a money thing per say I just tend to like more science/technical/engineering types of guys), if they have kids..ect
> 
> I have picked the lesser looking of two men before, based on the overall package,compatibility, and what resonates with me... just did actually, if you look at my profile pics i was just dating the first two guys...one avg-ish but cute guy, the other VERY handsome and very fit as well.... in the end i actually picked the cute but avg guy...


l didn't think you used them unsure , must've vi or someone .
Anyway , looks in the womens department is one area where they are a waste of time for guys , on mine anyway. l mean you see the even average girl l'd look at on the street in there about once a mth out of 100s if you were lucky .

Funny twist about that with ones l've met though . They often haven't even had pics but l just liked stuff about them and low and behold , they've mostly ended up real cuties.
A few did say that's why they have their pics on private or they get bombarded .


----------



## EnjoliWoman

It may be time soon to jump back on the dating train. Traveling yesterday was completely distracting. Looking at men. Men's lips. Men's forearms. Men's butts. Men's torsos. And thinking way too much about touching, holding and everything else. Dang there are a lot of men in an airport - they certainly outnumber women, it seems. Or else I was only noticing the men.


----------



## Jellybeans

I LOVE man-watching at the airport. So many hot dudes.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

And so many married men who don't wear wedding bands. Gr. Was chatting with a very interesting guy traveling back to my town on the same flight (so local to me) - nice looking, smart, interesting job, no ring... and then drops the W word - wife. WTF? Dude you aren't working on machinery where a ring is dangerous. Wear the f-ing ring.

And yes, I would have still chatted with him regardless but I wouldn't have had the "hmm maybe....." thoughts and that's frustrating/annoying. And it happens ALL THE TIME!


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> It may be time soon to jump back on the dating train. Traveling yesterday was completely distracting. Looking at men. Men's lips. Men's forearms. Men's butts. Men's torsos. And thinking way too much about touching, holding and everything else. Dang there are a lot of men in an airport - they certainly outnumber women, it seems. Or else I was only noticing the men.



And you've been sounding so much more at peace while you've been on holidays :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

l hardly ever wore my ring , it just got on my nerves .
Ex hardly ever wore hers either , she just hated waring any jewelry .


----------



## moxy

Enjoli and Jelly, I echo those sentiments. I'm ridiculous today. Can't seem to focus on a thing aside from my frustration. Everyone is tempting. I'm going to spend a good long hour at the gym before getting back to work. Otherwise, I'm going to be sending text messages I will regret, later today. :/ Some days, being single is not great.


----------



## hope4family

Thanks ladies for continually restoring my faith in your gender.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes he does, pretty good for an "average guy"!


Thanks 3x.
On message boards I make friends easily. The problem is they all live far, far away. On dating sites, well why waste my time. I guess my profile stinks or I just don't meet the looks threshold for the locals. Whatever it is, if people actually take the time to know me and see what I'm about they seem to like me. Thus why message boards work for me.


----------



## moxy

hope4family said:


> Thanks ladies for continually restoring my faith in your gender.



We all have weaknesses, hope.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm so glad I'm not bound by temptations of lust. It seems to much less stressful.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> hhmm,
> 
> I wonder have you seen the light?


Its not so much about seeing the light as attempting to overcoming my attraction for certain type of guys based off of my FOO...

so im going to see where this one goes, see if i can achieve real feelings with a "nice-ish" guy 

so whats up with this red head of yours? you dating her or just trying to?


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm so glad I'm not bound by temptations of lust. It seems to much less stressful.


Lust can be fun sometimes, as long as you understand what you are dealing with


----------



## muskrat

whitehawk said:


> l hardly ever wore my ring , it just got on my nerves .
> Ex hardly ever wore hers either , she just hated waring any jewelry .


I never took off my ring from the day of my wedding until the day D was filed. It was the only jewelry I ever wore. I loved being married and I adored my wife and I was proud to show my commitment by wearing my ring. And for those who don't know I work with machinery every day. There were times the ring created problems, but I never took it off.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I never took off my ring from the day of my wedding until the day D was filed. It was the only jewelry I ever wore. I loved being married and I adored my wife and I was proud to show my commitment by wearing my ring. And for those who don't know I work with machinery every day. There were times the ring created problems, but I never took it off.



Well, that is because you are awesome. More dudes should be like you. Seriously, that shows how much you valued your vows. 

You deserve real and lasting happiness, muskrat.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Lust can be fun sometimes, as long as you understand what you are dealing with


To each there own but I've seen plenty of examples (not only here) where all it does it cause problems. I simply don't associate self worth with getting laid, I used to though.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Can't seem to focus on a thing aside from my frustration.* Everyone is tempting.* I'm going to spend a good long hour at the gym before getting back to work. Otherwise, I'm going to be sending text messages I will regret, later today.


Everyone? I mean I feel horny at times but not everyone gets my engine going. lol.


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> Well, that is because you are awesome. More dudes should be like you. Seriously, that shows how much you valued your vows.
> 
> You deserve real and lasting happiness, muskrat.


Thanks Moxy, I hope I find that real and lasting happiness. 

My life is actually really good right now. I have my kids, a great job and some very exciting changes in the works. Yet I feel like something is missing. The nights when my kids aren't here and I have some free time I get really lonely. I just miss having a best friend and lover by my side.


----------



## Jellybeans

On the rings: it's annoying when you don't know if someone is married or not but I know plenty of couples that may not wear rings and have been together/committed forever.

I do seem to be really slow on checking for that sh*t out which I need to work on. But not every married person does wear one. Honestly I never remember to check it seems. I met a handsome guy a weekish ago and was talking to him at an event we were at didn't even notice his ring til about 20 minutes or so in. I felt really dumb cause i totally was going to put a flirt on him. But...not all marrieds wear them so it really is had to decipher without just asking.

But hey I have also asked before and been told flat out they aren't married when it turned out they WERE.


----------



## caladan

whitehawk said:


> Oh [email protected] sorry to hear that guys , might have to wait till AP makes an appearance, he use to get them.
> l know Rats got more fans round here though than just about anyone :smthumbup: , Casanova that he is !
> 
> Mox is exactly right though and l'm similar with the girls . l'd much rather the things about the person that are very important to me than some model with the quirks to match.
> And in that it's about what you say on your page to and that doesn't mean how slick it is either.
> 
> Tell you something really bizarre. l couldn't get a look in, talk about a kicking.
> Two wks , nothin . So l closed that fckr down in disgust . Then about a wk later l thought no l'll open it again but l'll just let it float around seems no one will talk to me anyway.
> So l had to make a new page , very disheartened. So l just threw together about 5 lines in 2-3mins and the first silly new user name l could think of and guess what , it's been thumping ever since .
> They even write to me all the time telling me how much they love my profile or user name - they even ask me about my user name -huuu !- all the time, :scratchhead:
> l think it was ns sayin he did something like that to and got heaps of interest - go figure . As RD was sayin , who can figure them out :rofl:


What site do you use again?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> And you've been sounding so much more at peace while you've been on holidays :scratchhead:


I haven't been on holiday? Monday was a holiday but I haven't taken any special time off.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> I simply don't associate self worth with getting laid, I used to though.


Nor do I, but I don't think that self-worth is the only aspect of the self to which lust speaks.



Jellybeans said:


> Everyone? I mean I feel horny at times but not everyone gets my engine going. lol.


OK, fair enough, not everyone, but -- everyone IRL who is crossing my mind this morning is appealing.



muskrat said:


> Thanks Moxy, I hope I find that real and lasting happiness.
> 
> My life is actually really good right now. I have my kids, a great job and some very exciting changes in the works. Yet I feel like something is missing. The nights when my kids aren't here and I have some free time I get really lonely. I just miss having a best friend and lover by my side.


I hope you do, too. It's awesome to hear that life is going well! Sometimes, having a partner speaks to a need for belonging or appreciation, but doing indulgent things for yourself kills the loneliness! So does keeping lots and lots of pillows in the bed because they remove the feeling of too much space around a person.  Of course, companionship is an important thing; while codependency is not great, I don't think there is anything wrong with craving human connection and companionship.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> And so many married men who don't wear wedding bands. Gr. Was chatting with a very interesting guy traveling back to my town on the same flight (so local to me) - nice looking, smart, interesting job, no ring... and then drops the W word - wife. WTF? Dude you aren't working on machinery where a ring is dangerous. Wear the f-ing ring.
> 
> And yes, I would have still chatted with him regardless but I wouldn't have had the "hmm maybe....." thoughts and that's frustrating/annoying. And it happens ALL THE TIME!












Guilty as charged, but in my defense, women don't seek out old guys like me...


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> But hey I have also asked before and been told flat out they aren't married when it turned out they WERE.


Also, rings don't stop guys or gals from hitting on other people. Sometimes, cheaters just don't bother to hide it.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Guilty as charged, but in my defense,* women don't seek out old guys like me... *


You know I have a penchant for older men but not married ones (or ones that are my Uncle). HAHAHAHAHA.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

No, but a ring would stop me from hitting on a guy. They can not wear one and be very loyal to their wife (like D) and never reciprocate any flirts but it feels like a waste of time to me. 

Once I was in the airport with a female friend and we were talking to his handsome military guy my age and really enjoyed talking to him. As we went our separate ways, my friend grabbed one of my cards and handed it to him and said to call me. He emailed me when he was coming to my area and we were going to get together. I did a little research since I now had his email info/full name and found out he was married.
I mentioned that to him and he seemed surprised/defensive/played dumb and said yes he was but we were just meeting for lunch ???? Dude. You were coming all the way from Utah to the southeast on military business and were going to meet me just because I seemed like I'd make a good friend??? I called BS (in my head) and just said that it was nice getting to know him but I didn't feel it would be appropriate to meet; that I had thought he was single. I KNOW he was down for screwing around had I wanted to.


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> Its not so much about seeing the light as attempting to overcoming my attraction for certain type of guys based off of my FOO...
> 
> so im going to see where this one goes, see if i can achieve real feelings with a "nice-ish" guy
> 
> so whats up with this red head of yours? you dating her or just trying to?


That's pretty cool. I hope he is just enough nice, but not to much. 

As far me and the red head. I guess that's the fun part. I'm not really trying more then just feeling right now. I'm doing a lot of work on myself, so I am not trying to plunge completely into a relationship.

The good news is, I was left with a meh feeling after our "date" so I left the ball in her court and she reached out to me for this weekend. 

Worse case unsure, I do enjoy her company.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Thanks 3x.
> On message boards I make friends easily. *The problem is they all live far, far away*. On dating sites, well why waste my time. I guess my profile stinks or I just don't meet the looks threshold for the locals. Whatever it is, if people actually take the time to know me and see what I'm about they seem to like me. Thus why message boards work for me.


yep
My army guy is 2578 miles away.
But we may meet in July. He has put in his leave, he is buying the tickets soon. 
It will be the first time I have ever done something as crazy and adventurous as meeting someone I have never seen in person.

I am extremely nervous, but the thought of meeting him makes me happy.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> You know I have a penchant for older men but not married ones (or ones that are my Uncle). HAHAHAHAHA.



. And, I'm not seeking opportunities. In my defense, I stopped wearing it years ago when I was a bench scientist. I used to take it off as soon as I came into work. I suspect I forgot to put it back on one day and some graduate student likely hawked it.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> And, I'm not seeking opportunities.


I know. i was making a funny. And also saying the truth: I do like the older men! Just wish I could meet one who was single and hot and kind and not ghost-like. :rofl:



drerio said:


> In my defense, I stopped wearing it years ago when I was a bench scientist. I used to take it off as soon as I came into work. I suspect I forgot to put it back on one day and some graduate student likely hawked it.


I have never known my father to wear one and my mother only rarely wears hers. They've been married for thirty+ decades. Mr. Ex Jelly never wore one either.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> No, but a ring would stop me from hitting on a guy. They can not wear one and be very loyal to their wife (like D) and never reciprocate any flirts but it feels like a waste of time to me.
> 
> Once I was in the airport with a female friend and we were talking to his handsome military guy my age and really enjoyed talking to him. As we went our separate ways, my friend grabbed one of my cards and handed it to him and said to call me. He emailed me when he was coming to my area and we were going to get together. I did a little research since I now had his email info/full name and found out he was married.
> I mentioned that to him and he seemed surprised/defensive/played dumb and said yes he was but we were just meeting for lunch ???? Dude. You were coming all the way from Utah to the southeast on military business and were going to meet me just because I seemed like I'd make a good friend??? I called BS (in my head) and just said that it was nice getting to know him but I didn't feel it would be appropriate to meet; that I had thought he was single. I KNOW he was down for screwing around had I wanted to.



That would not be me. I like talking to people but my position in life comes out loud and clear well in advance. Why would anyone want to make their life so complicated. 

On another note, last night we went to a party (birthday luau), and it was so heart warming to watch some special need kids dancing hula. I cried with joy.


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> That's pretty cool. I hope he is just enough nice, but not to much.
> 
> As far me and the red head. I guess that's the fun part. I'm not really trying more then just feeling right now. I'm doing a lot of work on myself, so I am not trying to plunge completely into a relationship.
> 
> The good news is, I was left with a meh feeling after our "date" so I left the ball in her court and she reached out to me for this weekend.
> 
> Worse case unsure, I do enjoy her company.


nothing wrong with just enjoying her company


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Also, rings don't stop guys or gals from hitting on other people. Sometimes, cheaters just don't bother to hide it.


Sometimes the presence of a ring actually encourages innappropriate behavior by OSs. As I found in photographic evidence, my cheating ex got a kick out of wearing hers for her OMs, in fact she wore it more for them then she did for me.


----------



## ne9907

Lon said:


> Sometimes the presence of a ring actually encourages innappropriate behavior by OSs. As I found in photographic evidence, my cheating ex got a kick out of wearing hers for her OMs, in fact she wore it more for them then she did for me.


lol
I triggered a little!!

A ring on ex's finger did not stop ***** #whatever, from sleeping with him!!!! Not that it stop him either!

Oh....

back to listening to my calming music.


----------



## moxy

Lon said:


> Sometimes the presence of a ring actually encourages innappropriate behavior by OSs. As I found in photographic evidence, my cheating ex got a kick out of wearing hers for her OMs, in fact she wore it more for them then she did for me.



Ugh. That's awful.


----------



## Lon

moxy said:


> Ugh. That's awful.


correction: it *was* awful, but it's only history now


----------



## Ikaika

Thank you Jelly for the kind comments in my Album. My son's are adorable all due to my wife. I am so happy they got more of her looks than mine


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> And so many married men who don't wear wedding bands. Gr. Was chatting with a very interesting guy traveling back to my town on the same flight (so local to me) - nice looking, smart, interesting job, no ring... and then drops the W word - wife. WTF? Dude you aren't working on machinery where a ring is dangerous. Wear the f-ing ring.
> 
> And yes, I would have still chatted with him regardless but I wouldn't have had the "hmm maybe....." thoughts and that's frustrating/annoying. And it happens ALL THE TIME!


If I notice a woman FIRST thing I do is look for a ring...seriously!


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Oh [email protected] sorry to hear that guys , might have to wait till AP makes an appearance, he use to get them.
> l know Rats got more fans round here though than just about anyone :smthumbup: , Casanova that he is !
> 
> Mox is exactly right though and l'm similar with the girls . l'd much rather the things about the person that are very important to me than some model with the quirks to match.
> And in that it's about what you say on your page to and that doesn't mean how slick it is either.
> 
> Tell you something really bizarre. l couldn't get a look in, talk about a kicking.
> Two wks , nothin . So l closed that fckr down in disgust . Then about a wk later l thought no l'll open it again but l'll just let it float around seems no one will talk to me anyway.
> So l had to make a new page , very disheartened. So l just threw together about 5 lines in 2-3mins and the first silly new user name l could think of and guess what , it's been thumping ever since .
> They even write to me all the time telling me how much they love my profile or user name - they even ask me about my user name -huuu !- all the time, :scratchhead:
> l think it was ns sayin he did something like that to and got heaps of interest - go figure . As RD was sayin , who can figure them out :rofl:


I don't know man, getting first contact by women is not all it's cracked up to be LOTS of liars and cheaters...lots of cheaters. Lots of shiat sifting you have to go through. Although my GF is one of them that contacted me first if you all remember there was even shiat I had to deal with her.

Even though I do like the conversation I think if I would have to do it all again I would prefer to be the first contact. Actually I kind of miss the whole thing, I was sure good at getting attention and starting the process but the actual dates were the hard part for me...I work to much or have my kids all the time.
But I am happy with what I have now so I can't complain.


----------



## RandomDude

Waking up today I feel content... 

Think my FB has also realised the benefits of our no-drama fkbuddy arrangements, she has decided this is preferable to dating again. Looks like we're finally on the same boat, may start seeing her as a FWB and not just a FB if she keeps this up.

Though tis dangerous...


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Thanks Moxy, I hope I find that real and lasting happiness.
> 
> My life is actually really good right now. I have my kids, a great job and some very exciting changes in the works. Yet I feel like something is missing. The nights when my kids aren't here and I have some free time I get really lonely. I just miss having a best friend and lover by my side.


Right on man, you just feel like you're missing something. My GF and I can talk FOREVER it's just crazy...she might not only be a great GF but I think she is turning into my best friend too...never in a million years did I expect this


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Sometimes the presence of a ring actually encourages innappropriate behavior by OSs. As I found in photographic evidence, my cheating ex got a kick out of wearing hers for her OMs, in fact she wore it more for them then she did for me.


Fck man that is sick 

I LOVED being married, I loved the thought of building a life a being with someone for ever. I wore my ring always because to me it was a celebration of being married...to bad she didn't feel the same...actually nope not to bad cause I am in a much better place in life now.


----------



## Lon

Another Planet said:


> I don't know man, getting first contact by women is not all it's cracked up to be LOTS of liars and cheaters...lots of cheaters. Lots of shiat sifting you have to go through.


You know, (even though I'm in a happy relationship and not looking to date) I was feeling a little jealous of all the pretty TAM girls here who can atleast get a long enough list of candidates showing them interest that all they have to do is choose the one they feel like and the date happens... They can afford to take a risk on the one that may not be the most physically attractive and go for the one who seems like a better overall package for Friday night, because the hot dumb one is still an option for saturday night. But when you put it this way AP, I see the benefit of lurking beneath the surface as a predatory shark going unnoticed, lol. We get to apply the first filter and ignore the 50% that are of no interest while going straight for the good ones (I say good because as gentlemen we always give the benefit of the doubt  )


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> You know, (even though I'm in a happy relationship and not looking to date) I was feeling a little jealous of all the pretty TAM girls here who can atleast get a long enough list of candidates showing them interest that all they have to do is choose the one they feel like and the date happens... They can afford to take a risk on the one that may not be the most physically attractive and go for the one who seems like a better overall package for Friday night, because the hot dumb one is still an option for saturday night. But when you put it this way AP, I see the benefit of lurking beneath the surface as a predatory shark going unnoticed, lol. We get to apply the first filter and ignore the 50% that are of no interest while going straight for the good ones (I say good because as gentlemen we always give the benefit of the doubt  )


Lon its not always that easy... ive had guys that have grilled me for 1 hr on the phone (ok he was a cop) before asking ne out on the date.... guys who want to email forever first... while I have a lot of options, it doesn't mean they are any good, a lot of guys are just looking for an lay, and dissappear once they get what they want...

More isnt always better...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

unsure78 said:


> Lon its not always that easy... ive had guys that have grilled me for 1 hr on the phone (ok he was a cop) before asking ne out on the date.... *guys who want to email forever first*... while I have a lot of options, it doesn't mean they are any good, a lot of guys are just looking for an lay, and dissappear once they get what they want...
> 
> More isnt always better...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought most women enjoyed a lot of correspondence?

Anyways, I have read all about you ladies' hardships with online dating and I know there is a ton of garbage you have to sift through (that is why what AP wrote about being the first contact is so wise). But more options is better than no options (especially since "options" means getting some action)


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> I thought most women enjoyed a lot of correspondence?
> 
> Anyways, I have read all about you ladies' hardships with online dating and I know there is a ton of garbage you have to sift through (that is why what AP wrote about being the first contact is so wise). But more options is better than no options (especially since "options" means getting some action)


Im not a typical woman in that regard. .. I would rather meet sooner rather than later to see if anything is there or not... 

Yes you are correct some options are better than none...

Though im off the market for now going to see where it goes with the teacher. Im enjoying him and his "nice" guy-ness for now, a pleasant change of pace for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Sometimes, it's great to meet right away. But...if you're the sort of person for whom things move very quickly in person, a long correspondence is good; it's also good if you want more than just a casual thing because you stop and think more. Most of the guys that want to meet me right away are aggressive and just looking for sex; I'm not opposed to sex on a first date (though it is not my preference), but that's not the same as sex being the first date, itself. And, some guys are demanding and aggro and pushy. I think that's why a lot of women like to wait to meet. 

Having lots of options for dates is great, but only if they fit. A suitcase full of pants that doesn't fit isn't great. A bunch of possible dates with potentially dangerous people who aren't honest about what they want? Well..I guess you gotta love a thrill.

I dunno. So far, my experiences have been awkward and weird. I think I want to go out with someone who is willing to go on at least one date and take one phone call before suggesting that we go back to his place. Casual sex is not the same as almost anonymous sex. 

Sorry, guys. I'm just depressed today. Mr. alpha expects me to edit a report for him and some other guy had a bunch of questions about his ex wife who just left him and it's triggered a bitterness in me that I truly dislike.


----------



## unsure78

Hugs moxy...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Hugs moxy...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thank you, unsure.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> To each there own but I've seen plenty of examples (not only here) where all it does it cause problems. I simply don't associate self worth with getting laid, I used to though.


Same here D.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Thanks Moxy, I hope I find that real and lasting happiness.
> 
> My life is actually really good right now. I have my kids, a great job and some very exciting changes in the works. Yet I feel like something is missing. The nights when my kids aren't here and I have some free time I get really lonely. I just miss having a best friend and lover by my side.


Same here Rat. l've admitted it to myself, l feel like l'm ready finally but at the same time , not too bothered either way just for now.

lf someone very special comes along , l won't be blocking it or looking for the door anymore though.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> I haven't been on holiday? Monday was a holiday but I haven't taken any special time off.



No l mean a man holiday . Haven't you dropped out for the last few mths ?


----------



## whitehawk

caladan said:


> What site do you use again?



RSVP , but l'm thinking of dumping the whole thing anyway tbh.
You can meet people but l dunno . l just dunno about meeting anyone you would normally go for though although l spose it does happen. AP's , l met my ex in a newspaper singles club.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I don't know man, getting first contact by women is not all it's cracked up to be LOTS of liars and cheaters...lots of cheaters. Lots of shiat sifting you have to go through. Although my GF is one of them that contacted me first if you all remember there was even shiat I had to deal with her.
> 
> Even though I do like the conversation I think if I would have to do it all again I would prefer to be the first contact. Actually I kind of miss the whole thing, I was sure good at getting attention and starting the process but the actual dates were the hard part for me...I work to much or have my kids all the time.
> But I am happy with what I have now so I can't complain.



Sifting , work , [email protected] l don't get that many lol :rofl: .
Must admit though and l do get why most of mine have been very genuine , nice . Just some of the wording on my page.
But hardly any that contact me first are my type at all so there isn't much to think about usually .


----------



## ne9907

Call me crazy!

I am so infatuated with Army guy! I am hiding my match profile.
I am excited about meeting him! I will not go out on any more dates, and use this time until July to work on myself!


I haven't told Irish that I am not interested, but will do next time he asks me out. I will tell him, I am not ready for a relationship but I am open to being friends.

How does that sound?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Sometimes, it's great to meet right away. But...if you're the sort of person for whom things move very quickly in person, a long correspondence is good; it's also good if you want more than just a casual thing because you stop and think more. Most of the guys that want to meet me right away are aggressive and just looking for sex; I'm not opposed to sex on a first date (though it is not my preference), but that's not the same as sex being the first date, itself. And, some guys are demanding and aggro and pushy. I think that's why a lot of women like to wait to meet.
> 
> Having lots of options for dates is great, but only if they fit. A suitcase full of pants that doesn't fit isn't great. A bunch of possible dates with potentially dangerous people who aren't honest about what they want? Well..I guess you gotta love a thrill.
> 
> I dunno. So far, my experiences have been awkward and weird. I think I want to go out with someone who is willing to go on at least one date and take one phone call before suggesting that we go back to his place. Casual sex is not the same as almost anonymous sex.
> 
> Sorry, guys. I'm just depressed today. Mr. alpha expects me to edit a report for him and some other guy had a bunch of questions about his ex wife who just left him and it's triggered a bitterness in me that I truly dislike.


aww Moxy
I am so sorry 
Hugs to you all around~

Don't be sad, Be AWESOME! because we know YOU ARE~


----------



## ne9907

Gosh I feel like a high school girl with a first crush!!

I posted a pic of Army guy in my private album. I really dig him!
What do you all think?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> If I notice a woman FIRST thing I do is look for a ring...seriously!


Yep. If a man catches my eye, that is the FIRST thing I do too. I dont want to waste my time looking or flirting if there is a ring. I know a ring does not discourage EVERYONE, but I think that the majority of people out there wont hit on a married with a ring. When my first marriage was going down the tubes, then I started cheating, I stopped wearing my ring completely. I dont know what that was that we had, but it wasnt a marriage. My second marriage, I wore my ring daily until the day I moved out. One of the saddest days of my life. 

My Match subscription ran out, and I have had my profile hidden for about a month anyway. Then yesterday I deleted my POF profile. I found I was annoyed when I would get messages instead of excited, and there were never any new guys on there any more. I am just flat out done with searching for now. My "perfect match" guy mentioned maybe going out tomorrow, so I might try ONE more one more time, lol! I really do like him. But, no more searching and all the crap that goes with it for a while. I am finding that I am coveting my me time right now, and doing some things with my hobby.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Gosh I feel like a high school girl with a first crush!!
> 
> I posted a pic of Army guy in my private album. I really dig him!
> What do you all think?


Good looking dude!


----------



## jpr

Ne....from personal experience, I would not cut off your options for Army guy.

It is infatuation right now...a fantasy. ...a very loooooong distance fantasy.

Think practically about what you are doing. Try to use your wise mind. Don't let your heart be solely in charge.


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> Ne....from personal experience, I would not cut off your options for Army guy.
> 
> It is infatuation right now...a fantasy. ...a very loooooong distance fantasy.
> 
> Think practically about what you are doing. Try to use your wise mind. Don't let your heart be solely in charge.


I agree with you to an extend. I do not feel as if I am cutting off my options. I have not met anyone interesting enough on match. If I did, I would feel bad to string them along, when I like someone else. It would not be fair to them.

I do know I need to keep my emotions in check and not get overly excited about meeting him, or it could be a HUGE disappointment! I need to think rationally.
He will be on a training exercise most all of June. Communication will be extremely difficult because of his job. It will give me time to think rationally.

I like that he is in the army, his job, his attitude towards life, his personality, his looks. Many things about him.


----------



## Nsweet

Ne, girl.... What am I going to do with you?

You're putting more into this relationship with army guy than he is, before he's even had a chance to earn your trust, and that spells bad news. 

I can tell you what's going to happen here too. He's going to continually stay just out of your reach and make you work so hard to earn his approval while he does whatever he wants with you.... Which is usually what happens when one person is more infatuated with the other. And he's going to dump you before you know what hit you. 

You've got to continue dating other men so you don't fall for Army guy too fast and get hurt. I'm telling you for your own good, and from what I know about men.... You know, being one myself. We guys don't respect women who worship the ground we walk on give us those big doey eyes, just because we take them out on a good first date. 

With us you've got to make us want you #1, and #2 you've got to make us want to change ourselves so we can get and keep you. We like to feel like we have to win you over from all the other men out there. Do it any other way and you're going to find that yes he may sleep with you and tell you he loves you for a few months, but he's not going to go to the end of the earth to be with you forever. 

And like I keep telling you girls. Don't call it a sure thing with these guys until you're in a mutually exclusive relationship. You go on a date with the one you want and then you go on dates with other guys until it starts to get serious with that one guy. You want to do this to keep from falling in love with the idea of that person and to also show yourself that there are other men who want you out there. If it doesn't workout then guess what! You know for a fact that you have 2 or 3 other options who would be more than happy to take you out. 

And just because you don't feel tingly for one that doesn't mean you should rule him out. That lovey-dovey tingly feeling is infatuation pure and simple. It's puppy love. It's really unhealthy is what it is. Unhealthy in that it keeps you from using your head and seeing some red flags that may you may not miss otherwise, and it most often means that person has personality traits of one or both of your parents. If you grew up in a chaotic environment and find yourself feeling comfortable with that "I feel like I've known him all my life" feeling... Watch out! 

That man will most likely be just like your abusive father or whoever you identify with, and you're going to relive the same pain you went through as a child over and over and over. Except you won't call it pain, you'll think of it as excitement and stay with that high until you're ready for recovery... In which case you'll be right back here b!tching about how your new husband doesn't listen to you and cheats on you all the time with women who were just like you and who still believe all his crap.


----------



## ne9907

You are absolutely right. I have done a few of the things you warn us NOT to do.

I have not gone out on any dates with him. You will laugh Nsweet, because we haven't gone out on any dates at all!!

We haven even met, which tells you how strange the entire situation is. Army guy and I talk on the phone often, we rarely text each other, as we are pretty busy most times and he is on a different time zone (3 hours ahead).

I know I am making a big deal out of the situation, it makes me happy.

I don't see him as a future husband, God no!
I see it as an epic adventure! I do like him and am infatuated with him, but I see the reality.

Thank you for showing some light on my wildest adventure yet!

EDIT:


> Don't call it a sure thing with these guys until you're in a mutually exclusive


I am not calling a sure thing, and I know men lie.
We talk about our dates, the other day he mentioned he could not find anyone interesting around him. I told him about how If I am not interested, I usually tell the person just that.
He told me today that he followed my advice and told a woman he wasn't interested in seeing her anymore.
He also mentioned he will be pulling his POF pictures off. 
I do not delude myself. 
I actually told him, he can date around if he likes. Because in reality, it does not bother me. 
I want honesty.

But who knows? My infatuations seem to last a minute, maybe I find another crush before July~


----------



## Nsweet

Liar. You know it bothers you to hear he's dating other women. 

Ne, really just stop for a moment and listen to your emotions on this one. You're telling us how you're not all that in love with him, but then you turn around and go on about how he makes your heart go all a flutter. 

Let me put it like this..... *You've found yourself a friend who likes you for you. Now you're trying to rush into meeting him and getting intimate with him.* Why? Would he not still like you if he had a girlfriend? Why the sudden need for both of you to axe your dating profiles? Do you stop looking for other jobs when you have an interview coming up? No, you hope for the best but you keep looking. 

I think you're lying to yourself about what you want here. You don't want a boyfriend or a husband or anything like that, you just want someone so you won't feel lonely. And that's understandable. That's why you're dropping everything now and feeling so excited about him. But don't you see how that's going to end up? With you feeling rushing highs and crushing lows stuck in an "exclusive" long distance relationship with a guy who you don't really know. You kinda feel like you do, but you don't know what he's going to be like without the army uniform and when he's his honest self.

Like will always seek like here, and if you're lonely and looking for a relationship to make you happy you'll almost always find it with an equally lonely person. However that relationship will only last as long as you're both lonely and in need. The minute one of you catches your second wind and your self confidence it will all go to hell and you'll see how maybe there are some things about that person you never really liked in the first place, you just tolerated them.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Liar. You know it bothers you to hear he's dating other women.
> 
> Ne, really just stop for a moment and listen to your emotions on this one. You're telling us how you're not all that in love with him, but then you turn around and go on about how he makes your heart go all a flutter.
> 
> Let me put it like this..... *You've found yourself a friend who likes you for you. Now you're trying to rush into meeting him and getting intimate with him.* Why? Would he not still like you if he had a girlfriend? Why the sudden need for both of you to axe your dating profiles? Do you stop looking for other jobs when you have an interview coming up? No, you hope for the best but you keep looking.
> 
> I think you're lying to yourself about what you want here. You don't want a boyfriend or a husband or anything like that, you just want someone so you won't feel lonely. And that's understandable. That's why you're dropping everything now and feeling so excited about him. But don't you see how that's going to end up? With you feeling rushing highs and crushing lows stuck in an "exclusive" long distance relationship with a guy who you don't really know. You kinda feel like you do, but you don't know what he's going to be like without the army uniform and when he's his honest self.
> 
> Like will always seek like here, and if you're lonely and looking for a relationship to make you happy you'll almost always find it with an equally lonely person. However that relationship will only last as long as you're both lonely and in need. The minute one of you catches your second wind and your self confidence it will all go to hell and you'll see how maybe there are some things about that person you never really liked in the first place, you just tolerated them.


haha
You are awesome.

You know? I was really into blue eyes for a bit, but I was able to totally detach from him in less than two weeks.
WHen he texted, I hilariously blew off his attempt to booty call me.

In any event, what do you suggest I do? He will be in a training exercise starting next week and ending towards the end of June.
We will not be able to communicate at all.
Seriously, match.com has nothing else to offer me><

Shall I keep talking to Irish guy then? Go out with him? Even if I am planning on meeting army guy? Even if I am not attracted to him?
Irish texts me every morning to wish me a good day and every night to wish me sweet dreams (army guy does the same).

But I feel bad accepting Irish advances.


----------



## moxy

If you feel bad accepting his advances, then break up with him instead of leading him on.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> You are awesome.
> 
> You know? I was really into blue eyes for a bit, but I was able to totally detach from him in less than two weeks.
> WHen he texted, I hilariously blew off his attempt to booty call me.
> 
> In any event, what do you suggest I do? He will be in a training exercise starting next week and ending towards the end of June.
> We will not be able to communicate at all.
> Seriously, match.com has nothing else to offer me><
> 
> Shall I keep talking to Irish guy then? Go out with him? Even if I am planning on meeting army guy? Even if I am not attracted to him?
> Irish texts me every morning to wish me a good day and every night to wish me sweet dreams (army guy does the same).
> 
> But I feel bad accepting Irish advances.


Honestly, I think you need therapy to help you figure out you. 

And I don't say that lightly or to be mean. I say that because what I see in you is you're dating men to try to make you feel good, to make you feel less lonely and more complete. Really, you don't like some of the emotions you're having to deal with and you're using relationships to help you forget about problems. 

Things like loneliness, social anxiety, chemical depression, shame, triggers from past relationships, unresolved childhood issues... These are things we're all guilty of using less than healthy means of coping to escape from. I'll say it myself, I'm a bad caffeine addict and frequent binge eater. See I'm no different. I eat when I'm lonely and when I can't stop thinking about my ex. What are your reasons for wanting to escape being with yourself?

And to answer your question. I think you should hold off on trying to date any of these men and just be friends with them. Are you familiar with the 13th step of Alcoholics Anonymous? It's about not getting into a relationship until you're completely recovered and ready. Because a lot of times people will get out of one problem, find themselves feeling really good just being with someone new, and then they will blow off anything positive they were doing for themselves to stay with that high of being "in love". Which is completely self destrictive and co-dependent behavior forcing that new person into the role of a savior or caretaker.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Honestly, I think you need therapy to help you figure out you.
> 
> And I don't say that lightly or to be mean. I say that because what I see in you is you're dating men to try to make you feel good, to make you feel less lonely and more complete. Really, you don't like some of the emotions you're having to deal with and you're using relationships to help you forget about problems.
> 
> Things like loneliness, social anxiety, chemical depression, shame, triggers from past relationships, unresolved childhood issues... These are things we're all guilty of using less than healthy means of coping to escape from. I'll say it myself, I'm a bad caffeine addict and frequent binge eater. See I'm no different. I eat when I'm lonely and when I can't stop thinking about my ex. *What are your reasons for wanting to escape being with yourself?*
> And to answer your question. I think you should hold off on trying to date any of these men and just be friends with them. Are you familiar with the 13th step of Alcoholics Anonymous? It's about not getting into a relationship until you're completely recovered and ready. Because a lot of times people will get out of one problem, find themselves feeling really good just being with someone new, and then they will blow off anything positive they were doing for themselves to stay with that high of being "in love". Which is completely self destrictive and co-dependent behavior forcing that new person into the role of a savior or caretaker.


Ex told me I was boring, bitter, not bubbly enough, not pretty enough, below average....
That is probably why I seek to date to prove that I am not the things he said I was.... and also why I do not like to be by myself. Because I am boring.

I do need therapy, I have another app next Tuesday.
My last therapist seemed to think I didn't need therapy every week and wanted to see me once a month. 
I have a lot of unresolved issues. 
I might be turning into an attention ***** ....

I am not familiar with the 12 (?) or 13 steps of alcoholics anonymous. But I will familiarized myself with it.

I know you are not being mean, just helpful.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I do need therapy, I have another app next Tuesday.
> My last therapist seemed to think I didn't need therapy every week and wanted to see me once a month.
> I have a lot of unresolved issues.
> I might be turning into an attention ***** ....
> 
> I am not familiar with the 12 (?) or 13 steps of alcoholics anonymous. But I will familiarized myself with it.
> 
> I know you are not being mean, just helpful.


Also a lot of what I tell you is stuff I'm going through myself. 

I have a lot of mother issues myself, on top of the divorce stuff, and I really would like to date.... But I'm honestly not ready by any means. I though I was over a year ago, but it turned out I was more in love with the idea of being in love than I was with the girls. 

You know being single just so you can work on yourself is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, it's a lot more respectful to the people you're going to date to have you work on yourself now than bring all your baggage into a relationship later.


----------



## RandomDude

Just watched Xmen with my daughter, lol was a great movie, though was more violent than I expected, had to cover her eyes in some scenes... ex isn't too happy but 

Quicksilver's awesome! lol man just wish there was more of him in the movie!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Just watched Xmen with my daughter, lol was a great movie, though was more violent than I expected, had to cover her eyes in some scenes... ex isn't too happy but
> 
> Quicksilver's awesome! lol man just wish there was more of him in the movie!


:iagree:

"Time in a bottle"
Scene absolutely the best.


----------



## Nsweet

And BTW, you know you're bubbly and beautiful. Everyone here days the exact same things about you. You're coffee brown and beautiful, and just and bubbly and fun as pop rocks. 

Do you know how many beautiful women I know who have told me that their abusive exes used to say terrible thing to them like that? Everything form calling them ugly wh*res to a fat cow (when she's never been over 120lbs at 5'6"), telling them that they need to be prettier or lose 5lbs just for them..... pretty much everything a douche bag would tell a woman. I'm telling you, there's a million other women out there hearing the exact same things as you did.

I also should probably address that people like this don't create problems with self esteem where there is none. Douche bags will see that you have problems with self esteem from your childhood and capitalize on that bullying you until you're giving them what they want and completely controllable. This is more of a daddy issue than anything.... Or to be more precise, an issue of abandonment, intimacy, and trust that was formed before you were a teenager. 

It's usually formed somewhere around the time you start to develop bonds to your parents and start to see them as a relationship model for your own romances. The little girl watching Disney princess movies with the sound turned way up so she doesn't have to hear her dad beating the sh!t out of her mom, for example. There's the fantasy you try to escape to and the father figure (sometimes mother figure) you feel a little too comfortable around... So much so that you end up with someone a lot like them. It's usually a parental thing, but it can also be whoever was closest to you as a child you bonded with, or it could also be unresolved issues with a first relationship that you are subconsciously trying to revive.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> "Time in a bottle"
> Scene absolutely the best.


Aye, in First Class it was the submarine scene and I assumed Magneto would once again steal the movie for me but no, Quicksilver for the win! lol

Though Magneto was pretty badass too, then again so was Mystique! Blink too! Bah the movie is just awesome! Only thing I found lacking compared to FC are the lines, FC had one of the most memorable quotes for me: "I've been at the mercy of men just following orders... never again!"

Still, top movie!


----------



## Hoosier

Agreed! Time in a bottle scene one of my all time favorites, would watch that over and over...LOL!


----------



## Fenix

unsure78 said:


> Im not a typical woman in that regard. .. I would rather meet sooner rather than later to see if anything is there or not...
> 
> Yes you are correct some options are better than none...
> 
> Though im off the market for now going to see where it goes with the teacher. Im enjoying him and his "nice" guy-ness for now, a pleasant change of pace for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this. I like emailing back and forth maybe three times or so...get a sense of each other and then, meet. That usually is about within one week of the emailing. If he is aggro and pushy by email, forget it. If he is aggro and pushy when we meet, then forget it. I don't have a problem moving slowly (ish) upon meeting though. At least I don't think I do. It is still early to know for sure!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Looks like this guy has a date tomorrow afternoon.


----------



## whitehawk

People , what do you think ?
OK , so beach house isn't quite chalked yet.

But wtf ? Why would she welcome me open arms , cry in my lap , hug and kiss me for hours , 2 days in fact and other stuff. Tell me all these things she's never told anyone , tell me we are one . Cook for me and keep hugging me none stop.
Talk and talk and talk , like we're talking things , big stuff , stuff you'd never tell anyone ever , bar one special person if you were lucky .
She sang for me and showed me songs she's written . Every time we were more than a few feet apart she'd be reaching over and touching me or just come and fall back into cuddles and hugs. Told me dozens of times how special we were , l was , how at one we were for the first time ever in her life. l'm the only guy she's let near her since her marriage break up 5yrs ago.
l was looking for a place to rent and she even said what about that one , directly across the road from her place, a small side street road to so really close .

But then , on our third day after finally hooking up again after 14mths apart , disappear and then call telling me she's doesn't want a relationship. She wants to focus on her work.

WTF is that ? WTF is going on with her ?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Less focus on her, more focus on you. If you're not okay with this, that's where it ends.

It really is that simple.


----------



## whitehawk

Fkg karma maybe .
l've had to do the deed with 4 girls in a few mths , then get this , with the only one l wanted to go for !
Still , doesn't explain such a bizarre back flip .


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Less focus on her, more focus on you. If you're not okay with this, that's where it ends.
> 
> It really is that simple.



Thanks D and yeah that'd be a healthy way to go l guess .
Do wish l understood what the hell's going on with her though !


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Thanks D and yeah that'd be a healthy way to go l guess .
> Do wish l understood what the hell's going on with her though !


Think of it this way, even if you did understand it really changes nothing this early in the relationship (for a lack of a better term). You can't convince her of anything, she has to figure it out on her own.

Your job is to look out for you.


----------



## whitehawk

Well , l guess if it's just fear. To just throw what we have away , l dunno , maybe we could work it through .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Well , l guess if it's just fear. To just throw what we have away , l dunno , maybe we could work it through .


It sounds to me like she really does want to be with you, but for whatever reason, she just isnt ready yet. She isnt in the right place just yet. I loved reading your story, about knocking on her door on a whim and it being almost magical when she saw you. l dream of something like that happening!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Well , l guess if it's just fear. To just throw what we have away , l dunno , maybe we could work it through .


"What we have". That should be a red flag on yourself. You're perception is your own, you don't share it with her.


----------



## SoVeryLost

06Daddio08 said:


> Looks like this guy has a date tomorrow afternoon.


Dish a little! My perpetually single self has to live vicariously through you and the others here.  What's she like?? Whatcha doing on your date?


----------



## SoVeryLost

RandomDude said:


> Just watched Xmen with my daughter, lol was a great movie, though was more violent than I expected, had to cover her eyes in some scenes... ex isn't too happy but
> 
> Quicksilver's awesome! lol man just wish there was more of him in the movie!


How old is your daughter? My little guy is almost 7.... Not sure it would be appropriate for him.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



SoVeryLost said:


> Dish a little! My perpetually single self has to live vicariously through you and the others here.  What's she like?? Whatcha doing on your date?


I like her enough to go for the opportunity when she said she didn't have much planned this weekend. Other than that, I'm not saying much.


----------



## SoVeryLost

06Daddio08 said:


> I like her enough to go for the opportunity when she said she didn't have much planned this weekend. Other than that, I'm not saying much.


Good call.  Hope you have a fun time!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep. If a man catches my eye, that is the FIRST thing I do too. I dont want to waste my time looking or flirting if there is a ring. I know a ring does not discourage EVERYONE, but I think that the majority of people out there wont hit on a married with a ring. *When my first marriage was going down the tubes, then I started cheating, I stopped wearing my ring completely. I dont know what that was that we had, but it wasnt a marriage.* My second marriage, I wore my ring daily until the day I moved out. One of the saddest days of my life.
> 
> My Match subscription ran out, and I have had my profile hidden for about a month anyway. Then yesterday I deleted my POF profile. I found I was annoyed when I would get messages instead of excited, and there were never any new guys on there any more. I am just flat out done with searching for now. My "perfect match" guy mentioned maybe going out tomorrow, so I might try ONE more one more time, lol! I really do like him. But, no more searching and all the crap that goes with it for a while. I am finding that I am coveting my me time right now, and doing some things with my hobby.


Wow that's news to me. I didn't know that part of your story.

Yeah it sounds like you should just take some time out, work on yourself


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> People , what do you think ?
> OK , so beach house isn't quite chalked yet.
> 
> But wtf ? Why would she welcome me open arms , cry in my lap , hug and kiss me for hours , 2 days in fact and other stuff. Tell me all these things she's never told anyone , tell me we are one . Cook for me and keep hugging me none stop.
> Talk and talk and talk , like we're talking things , big stuff , stuff you'd never tell anyone ever , bar one special person if you were lucky .
> She sang for me and showed me songs she's written . Every time we were more than a few feet apart she'd be reaching over and touching me or just come and fall back into cuddles and hugs. Told me dozens of times how special we were , l was , how at one we were for the first time ever in her life. l'm the only guy she's let near her since her marriage break up 5yrs ago.
> l was looking for a place to rent and she even said what about that one , directly across the road from her place, a small side street road to so really close .
> 
> But then , on our third day after finally hooking up again after 14mths apart , disappear and then call telling me she's doesn't want a relationship. She wants to focus on her work.
> 
> WTF is that ? WTF is going on with her ?


She probably has some commitment issues and is scared she is getting the feels for you...Not that it matters because like Daddio says right below your post more focus on you, worry about yourself, you are NOT responsible for other peoples feelings.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> People , what do you think ?
> OK , so beach house isn't quite chalked yet.
> 
> But wtf ? Why would she welcome me open arms , cry in my lap , hug and kiss me for hours , 2 days in fact and other stuff. Tell me all these things she's never told anyone , tell me we are one . Cook for me and keep hugging me none stop.
> Talk and talk and talk , like we're talking things , big stuff , stuff you'd never tell anyone ever , bar one special person if you were lucky .
> She sang for me and showed me songs she's written . Every time we were more than a few feet apart she'd be reaching over and touching me or just come and fall back into cuddles and hugs. Told me dozens of times how special we were , l was , how at one we were for the first time ever in her life. l'm the only guy she's let near her since her marriage break up 5yrs ago.
> l was looking for a place to rent and she even said what about that one , directly across the road from her place, a small side street road to so really close .
> 
> But then , on our third day after finally hooking up again after 14mths apart , disappear and then call telling me she's doesn't want a relationship. She wants to focus on her work.
> 
> WTF is that ? WTF is going on with her ?


I have to say that your dream date as described above would have red flags written all over it for me. She doesn't sound very stable, both the way she acted as well as the flip flop. Are you sure she's not on something (or maybe should be?)

I would not let someone like this into my life. She must be really attractive, but she sounds a bit nuts? I would be seriously freaked out if someone started in like that talking to me.


----------



## RandomDude

SoVeryLost said:


> How old is your daughter? My little guy is almost 7.... Not sure it would be appropriate for him.


My daughter aint even that! Hence ex's a little p-ssed, but no nightmares and she isn't frightened by the violence though certain scenes were quite brutal and she covered her eyes. I covered her eyes and ears on the wolverine wakeup-scene too!

All in all I would say it's fine depending on the child. You'll have to decide how appropriate it would be for him. I try not to forbid too many things from my daughter instead guide her through it but tis just me.


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> It sounds to me like she really does want to be with you, but for whatever reason, she just isnt ready yet. She isnt in the right place just yet. I loved reading your story, about knocking on her door on a whim and it being almost magical when she saw you. l dream of something like that happening!


When a woman says she isn't ready, it means she is - just not with you! Hehe you know tis truth! 



whitehawk said:


> People , what do you think ?
> OK , so beach house isn't quite chalked yet.
> 
> But wtf ? Why would she welcome me open arms , cry in my lap , hug and kiss me for hours , 2 days in fact and other stuff. Tell me all these things she's never told anyone , tell me we are one . Cook for me and keep hugging me none stop.
> Talk and talk and talk , like we're talking things , big stuff , stuff you'd never tell anyone ever , bar one special person if you were lucky .
> She sang for me and showed me songs she's written . Every time we were more than a few feet apart she'd be reaching over and touching me or just come and fall back into cuddles and hugs. Told me dozens of times how special we were , l was , how at one we were for the first time ever in her life. l'm the only guy she's let near her since her marriage break up 5yrs ago.
> l was looking for a place to rent and she even said what about that one , directly across the road from her place, a small side street road to so really close .
> 
> But then , on our third day after finally hooking up again after 14mths apart , disappear and then call telling me she's doesn't want a relationship. She wants to focus on her work.
> 
> WTF is that ? WTF is going on with her ?


As I mentioned, one of my past dates was like that, amazing chemistry, thought I may had found someone worthwhile, everytime we spent together was magical. But then she started thinking - and the more she thought about it the more "even if you like each other you may not be together" and it consumed her, told me she doesn't have the courage to take the risk to open up in case it doesn't work out. 

So I tried to make her feel more secure but didn't work. Told me she's just not ready, no longer knows what she wants. Laid upon me excuses after excuses, like your date. So in the end she just made up her mind, and you have to respect her decision.

Let it go bro, it won't do you any good trying to figure it out. There's no closure to be found here unless you chalk it up as simply 'not meant to be'. If you keep trying to find closure by figuring it out you'll never find it, you have to keep it simple and not to think too much on it.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> When a woman says she isn't ready, it means she is - just not with you! Hehe you know tis truth!
> 
> 
> 
> As I mentioned, one of my past dates was like that, amazing chemistry, thought I may had found someone worthwhile, everytime we spent together was magical. But then she started thinking - and the more she thought about it the more "even if you like each other you may not be together" and it consumed her, told me she doesn't have the courage to take the risk to open up in case it doesn't work out.
> 
> So I tried to make her feel more secure but didn't work. Told me she's just not ready, no longer knows what she wants. Laid upon me excuses after excuses, like your date. So in the end she just made up her mind, and you have to respect her decision.
> 
> Let it go bro, it won't do you any good trying to figure it out. There's no closure to be found here unless you chalk it up as simply 'not meant to be'. If you keep trying to find closure by figuring it out you'll never find it, you have to keep it simple and not to think too much on it.



Thanks RD , and to D and to the others to BTW. 
Admittedly , yep l would kill to just know wtf with her but , you guys are right , what can you do l guess .
Hopefully this crap will leave my damn head in time and we can chalk it once and for all .:scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I have to say that your dream date as described above would have red flags written all over it for me. She doesn't sound very stable, both the way she acted as well as the flip flop. Are you sure she's not on something (or maybe should be?)
> 
> I would not let someone like this into my life. She must be really attractive, but she sounds a bit nuts? I would be seriously freaked out if someone started in like that talking to me.



Thanks HM . Ah , don't forget we had a few very intense mths together earlier to , not like it was a first date or anything.

But l did notice things and she smokes a fair bit of dope to which doesn't do some people any favors either. Like not 24/7 or anything but daily. 
My ex was similar but even just a little bit totally changed her and she was a different person. Others it doesn't seem to matter. 

She had been through a lot though . Like she was getting on top of it finally after 5yrs but she was still all over the place admittedly , still a ways to go for sure .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Thanks HM . Ah , don't forget we had a few mths together earlier to.
> 
> But nope , not sure if she is a bit nuts , l did notice things . She smokes a fair bit of dope to which doesn't do some people any favors either. My ex was tne same, dope totally changed her. Others it doesn't seem to matter.
> 
> But anyway yeah she had been through a lot .


Even after a few months, if someone was saying stuff like that, I would run. Maybe I would be into it, say, on a weekend trip to celebrate a 10 year anniversary, when you can be sure what's being said is evidence-based?


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Even after a few months, if someone was saying stuff like that, I would run. Maybe I would be into it, say, on a weekend trip to celebrate a 10 year anniversary, when you can be sure what's being said is evidence-based?



Really , your a slow burner that's all, some people are.
My ex and l were as intense as that within days and that was the best 15yrs of my life. But alas , life it self's [email protected] began to get on top of us from there unfortunately and took it's toll a few yrs later .


----------



## moxy

Today has been so stressful. I realized that I believe a good relationship should be a source of comfort and pleasure. I think I'm dating the wrong kinds of guys if it's causing me extra stress and work at an early stage. I know relationships require work, but...shouldn't they be more rewarding than demanding?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Really , your a slow burner that's all, some people are.
> My ex and l were as intense as that within days and that was the best 15yrs of my life. But alas , life it self's [email protected] began to get on top of us from there unfortunately and took it's toll a few yrs later .


I don't have a problem with people being hot and heavy straight off. I am still feeling the same way about a guy I met 9 months ago. (Did not feel the need to act on anything straight off, I like a work in progress though in my younger years I would have been hot headed.) It is a sustained feeling, not less intense and has never been 'off'. 

But this woman sounds like she is hot and heavy and intense and then cold cold cold cold cold. That's very different. And the things she is saying and how he(you) described her acting are very odd. At the very least, it's cruel. Don't say things like that if you are the type to change your mind or have questions about whether you can deliver on what you're saying.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh right , l get you now , thanks HM and your spot on. To act like that and say those things one minute but this the next , it was crazy [email protected] .
l couldn't for the life of me understand that either . 
l said to her so why the fk this last few days and our past before, things you said , you knew it ?

She reeled of some bs about having to focus on her work now - running like a scared rabbit though l say .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Today has been so stressful. I realized that I believe a good relationship should be a source of comfort and pleasure. I think I'm dating the wrong kinds of guys if it's causing me extra stress and work at an early stage. I know relationships require work, but...shouldn't they be more rewarding than demanding?



Oh for sure they should mox. Anything near 50/50 is way to far toward a problem thing l always found and rarely improves. 
There's always gonna be something but the good should far out way it.

You've been rushing at it far too fast for mths now - don't worry so have l. We need some chillin :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Hoosier said:


> Agreed! Time in a bottle scene one of my all time favorites, would watch that over and over...LOL!


Me too!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> . I loved reading your story, about knocking on her door on a whim and it being almost magical when she saw you. l dream of something like that happening!


awwww

that would totally be wonderful; I am a romantic at heart. I want somebody to sweep me off my feet. I want to write poems for him. I want another love story


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Today has been so stressful. I realized that I believe a good relationship should be a source of comfort and pleasure. I think I'm dating the wrong kinds of guys if it's causing me extra stress and work at an early stage. I know relationships require work, but...shouldn't they be more rewarding than demanding?


You are right Moxy

Blue eyes and I were never in a relationship, we were just sleeping together and yet, we couldn't even get that right.
But I do remember at one point, after he told me he would be busy that evening,
I simply felt he was so infuriating!!!
Definitely will not be doing another FB type thing again. Twice a week was definitely not enough for me.


----------



## moxy

I think that a casual relationship is just fine. I have no problem with a FWB situation or even a FB situation. However, I think that what I am missing tonight is having a relationship based on emotional connection rather than just sexual convenience. Of the men that I've been talking to recently (not having sex with, just talking to), only one seems like a person I'd want as a boyfriend (tattoo guy), but that was based on text and conversational chemistry alone; we may not even have liked each other in person, but he was the one with whom I felt the strongest emotional connection on the basis of conversation and intellect. I guess that whatever he liked about me or claimed to like about me wasn't enough to overcome whatever other stuff he's got going on; I can accept that and I won't go chasing him, but I'm still disappointed. I noticed, though, that lately I've been talking to people with whom I could see making things work (because at least I find them physically attractive), but with whom I don't feel an emotional connection or an easy personal rapport. Of course, utilizing a "something is better than nothing" policy in making one's dating decisions is not a particularly wise choice.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Today has been so stressful. I realized that I believe a good relationship should be a source of comfort and pleasure. I think I'm dating the wrong kinds of guys if it's causing me extra stress and work at an early stage. I know relationships require work, but...shouldn't they be more rewarding than demanding?


That is right on!!! Relationships should not be work that takes from you or who you are. A healthy relationship should accent who you are and let you be you and leave you feeling good.
The opposite is a high tension relationship. High tension relationships keep you in fight or flight mode, always on edge making you think you always need to work on it...if it doesn't flow it's a no go in my book. 
Fvck YES or it's a big hell NO :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I think that a casual relationship is just fine. I have no problem with a FWB situation or even a FB situation. However, I think that what I am missing tonight is having a relationship based on emotional connection rather than just sexual convenience. Of the men that I've been talking to recently (not having sex with, just talking to), only one seems like a person I'd want as a boyfriend (tattoo guy), but that was based on text and conversational chemistry alone; we may not even have liked each other in person, but he was the one with whom I felt the strongest emotional connection on the basis of conversation and intellect. I guess that whatever he liked about me or claimed to like about me wasn't enough to overcome whatever other stuff he's got going on; I can accept that and I won't go chasing him, but I'm still disappointed. I noticed, though, that lately I've been talking to people with whom I could see making things work (because at least I find them physically attractive), but with whom I don't feel an emotional connection or an easy personal rapport. Of course, utilizing a "something is better than nothing" policy in making one's dating decisions is not a particularly wise choice.


I would like to do the same, I would like to date men who I can see a long term potential. But I am just afraid of it all, I am infatuated with a person who is 2500 miles away. While the man who is close by and into me, I simply do not feel a spark.



Another Planet said:


> That is right on!!! Relationships should not be work that takes from you or who you are. A healthy relationship should accent who you are and let you be you and leave you feeling good.
> The opposite is a high tension relationship. High tension relationships keep you in fight or flight mode, always on edge making you think you always need to work on it...if it doesn't flow it's a no go in my book.
> Fvck YES or it's a big hell NO :smthumbup:


FVCK YEAH!!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Thanks RD , and to D and to the others to BTW.
> Admittedly , yep l would kill to just know wtf with her but , you guys are right , what can you do l guess .
> Hopefully this crap will leave my damn head in time and we can chalk it once and for all .:scratchhead:


Well, put it this way mate -> She's made her decision, so you have logically three options; either contemplate to the point of madness, respect her decision or don't.

Now if you don't respect her decision, if you keep pursuing her, she'll lose respect for you. If you let her go, then there's a slight chance she'll realise what she missed out on and come back to you (don't count on it though - chances are around 5-10%! So not worth waiting on!)

The worse you can do is contemplate to the point of madness! Hence as you can see; best option remains that you let her go and move on.

*Know that you've already done all that you can do!* So no point thinking about it! 

Instead ram a few FBs like me  lol (kidding)


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Today has been so stressful. I realized that I believe a good relationship should be a source of comfort and pleasure. I think I'm dating the wrong kinds of guys if it's causing me extra stress and work at an early stage. I know relationships require work, but...shouldn't they be more rewarding than demanding?


Ey? FWBs FTW then!

My FWB has been very rewarding lately - and I don't have to do anything! Don't even have to call her - she calls/comes over whenever. She even cooks for me now! So no work! Tis just comfort and pleasure! 

Only work I'll have to do is find a replacement the next time she decides she wants to try dating again for lovey dovey as I've made it clear it's just friendship, cuddles and sex with me. I just hope she's honest in that she understands we can't be anything more.

I'm getting fond of her too, think this is best FWB arrangement thus far, even though she left earlier to try dating again earlier. Going to enjoy it while it lasts!



moxy said:


> I think that a casual relationship is just fine. I have no problem with a FWB situation or even a FB situation. However, I think that what I am missing tonight is having a relationship based on emotional connection rather than just sexual convenience. Of the men that I've been talking to recently (not having sex with, just talking to), only one seems like a person I'd want as a boyfriend (tattoo guy), but that was based on text and conversational chemistry alone; we may not even have liked each other in person, but he was the one with whom I felt the strongest emotional connection on the basis of conversation and intellect. I guess that whatever he liked about me or claimed to like about me wasn't enough to overcome whatever other stuff he's got going on; I can accept that and I won't go chasing him, but I'm still disappointed. I noticed, though, that lately I've been talking to people with whom I could see making things work (because at least I find them physically attractive), but with whom I don't feel an emotional connection or an easy personal rapport. Of course, utilizing a "something is better than nothing" policy in making one's dating decisions is not a particularly wise choice.


=/

Errr, maybe you be asking too much no? 
Emotions = complications

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and choices, either enjoy a no-drama FWB arrangement even if it means lack of emotional contentment or risk the dramas/heartaches/etc with a relationship.

But it seems... I think it's time you need to scratch the dating itch


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Well, put it this way mate -> She's made her decision, so you have logically three options; either contemplate to the point of madness, respect her decision or don't.
> 
> Now if you don't respect her decision, if you keep pursuing her, she'll lose respect for you. If you let her go, then there's a slight chance she'll realise what she missed out on and come back to you (don't count on it though - chances are around 5-10%! So not worth waiting on!)
> 
> The worse you can do is contemplate to the point of madness! Hence as you can see; best option remains that you let her go and move on.
> 
> *Know that you've already done all that you can do!* So no point thinking about it!
> 
> Instead ram a few FBs like me  lol (kidding)



Yep , your right l know it. Just gonna have to walk away l guess . What a pain in the ass .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yep , your right l know it. Just gonna have to walk away l guess . What a pain in the ass .


Aye, tis painful

You can do everything right, no regrets, have the stars align, invest your time and emotions yet sh-t still happens. Tis life!

Bah! 

Makes one wary of investing emotions too... tis sad really
Probably why I'm incapable of emotional investment nowadays, which is a plus I guess

But hey, tis just how I cope with it


----------



## SoVeryLost

Soooo this girl went out last night with some friends to catch a local band - had an absolute blast! Crazy tired from not getting home until 3:00 am, but hey....have to take advantage of the rare nights my kiddo is at his dad's. 

I actually got asked out for future dates by four guys....must've been pretty slim pickins for all the attention I got last night.  Definitely not interested in three of them, but it was a major confidence booster nonetheless.

The fourth guy.....I'm not sure what to do here. I met him for the first time probably 6 weeks ago - he's a mutual friend of one of the girls I went out with last night. He gave me his number the last time I met him, but I never called/texted. Both times now that I've hung out with him I've laughed so hard my face actually hurts. I have never met someone so funny in all my life. He's also sweet and considerate - both the first time I met him and last night he walked me to my car to make sure I was safe. Never tried any funny business either time. Last night he made sure to touch my back once in a while, or when we were sitting at a table he brushed his hand along my leg, little things like that. He also asked me to be his date for an event he's going to on June 20th, and asked me to go out with him before then as well. He asked me to just give him a chance, and on the personality side of things I feel like I should. 

The problem is that I'm not horribly attracted to him physically. I feel like I shouldn't let that get in the way, and that maybe the attraction will build in time. He's not a bad looking guy at all, it's just not really there for me, and I'm not sure that's something I can force. I was worried he may try to kiss me last night, and the thought of that was kind of grossing me out. I see him in more of a brotherly way. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

My feeling is to go out with him, just have an awesome time, and see if anything develops for me mentally on the physical side of things. If so; great, if not; hopefully we can be friends as he seems like just an all around great guy. Thoughts?


----------



## 06Daddio08

You're aware of the attraction concern, but he checks off other things on your list?

Go out on a date.


----------



## whitehawk

Hey lost. .
Physically is a funny thing and very varied for different people isn't it. And the girls often seem to work differently than the guys.
l've known so many girls though over the years that l've gotten along really well with but l haven't been attracted to. Me l've gotta have that .
And even since l've been single that's been the biggest hick up for me.l could've been into something very serious with 2 or 3 l've met but for that side of things.
Beach house is the only one that's done everything and more , ha , typical 

But even apart from the other things , the thought of kissing him turns you off umm, that's not good you gotta wanna kiss him , from head to toe


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> "What we have". That should be a red flag on yourself. You're perception is your own, you don't share it with her.


Hmmm....what do you really have? It all sounds so OTT dramatic to me. I don't know...Obsessive maybe? This behavior sounds like a future trainwreck.


----------



## 06Daddio08

SVL is a thinker and she went out last night with the intention of just having a fun night out. Physical attraction is obviously needed but not everyone gets it right away, what harm is one date?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> Hmmm....what do you really have? It all sounds so OTT dramatic to me. I don't know...Obsessive maybe? This behavior sounds like a future trainwreck.


It sounds very codependent. Speaking for both of them while one clearly doesn't feel the same.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Daddio - I think I will. The new miniskirt worked! 

whitehawk - I know, and the problem is that I just don't want to. I've never considered going out with someone I'm not swooning over physically before, but to be honest I'm also tired of dating very attractive men with crap personalities who just aren't very nice. Seems like finding attraction on both fronts is like finding a needle in a haystack, and at this point in my life I'd rather see how things go with someone I match with on the personality side of things more than the physical if I have to choose one. There were a couple of guys there last night who got up on the bar and took their shirts off, just having fun, and they all had six packs and gorgeous faces to boot. Had a hard time not looking, not gonna lie. But I also overheard them talking to a few girls and they were all so full of themselves it was repulsive. Definitely had my fill of those types of guys. Think it's time to try something new. It's not like I have to commit to anything, it's just a date or two. I don't want to waste his time if it's not there, but I think it's worth a try.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hey SVL, how many guys have you gone out with that actually got to know you first? Before making a move?

You're a lot more than just a pretty lady.


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> SVL is a thinker and she went out last night with the intention of just having a fun night out. Physical attraction is obviously needed but not everyone gets it right away, what harm is one date?


SVL, I agree with this. For me, attraction builds on personality. I'd give it a shot. A couple of dates. What's the harm? And you never know...  



06Daddio08 said:


> It sounds very codependent. Speaking for both of them while one clearly doesn't feel the same.


One running event is ok, but the second one? Nope. Getting involved with a coward is dangerous stuff. you never know which side you will see...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> One running event is ok, but the second one? Nope. Getting involved with a coward is dangerous stuff. you never know which side you will see...


Coward is such an ugly label. Give them what they want and continue on with life. In the off chance they reappear, set your boundaries. In his case, letting her know he's not getting into anything unless she explains herself.


----------



## SoVeryLost

06Daddio08 said:


> Hey SVL, how many guys have you gone out with that actually got to know you first? Before making a move?
> 
> You're a lot more than just a pretty lady.


Thank you first and foremost.  

It's sort of a double edged sword really... Most of the guys I've gone out with I've met on a dating app, as typically I don't meet many people organically in everyday life. My daily life consists of my son, my career, and the gym. I don't know how people find dates at the grocery store or gym, etc...I've never had that experience and there aren't a lot of single dads at birthday parties or PTA meetings either. So on some level I've gotten to know the guys I've gone out with through communicating electronically quite a bit. 

I like the guy from last night because I've gotten to know him strictly in person the two times I've seen him. We hung out almost all night, so we talked for literally hours both times. I like that we clicked on some levels in person, versus my online experiences.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> It sounds very codependent. Speaking for both of them while one clearly doesn't feel the same.



Oh Jesus , you kidding me. If your gonna make judgements like that then read the whole story first man , which you obviously didn't as she actually said that to me .
PS , and much much more .


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Oh Jesus , you kidding me. If your gonna make judgements like that then read the whole story first man , which you obviously didn't as she actually said that to me .
> PS , and much much more .


The statement itself is codependent, regardless of who said it.


----------



## whitehawk

BS :lol:

lt's just attempting to untangle another typical internet twisting.
Anyway , it's done and dusted now so who gives a fk.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> BS :lol:
> 
> lt's just attempting to untangle another typical internet twisting.
> Anyway , it's done and dusted now so who gives a fk.


Hey now, it wasn't me who peed in your corn flakes this morning. I've been at the gym since I got up. 

Let us continue to be friends.


----------



## whitehawk

l wonder who it was then they tasted like [email protected] :rofl:

Nah , of course D , and l appreciated your help to , all good


----------



## RandomDude

SoVeryLost said:


> I don't know how people find dates at the grocery store or gym, etc...


Easily; I live in a big city, hence not only are there plenty of options, but screwing up just means you can just disappear back into the crowd - hence no fear! 



> Seems like finding attraction on both fronts is like finding a needle in a haystack


Hey? Nah, finding a needle in a haystack is easy, just shove your hand into the pile until you get pricked. It's more like finding a needle in a stack of needles!



> at this point in my life I'd rather see how things go with someone I match with on the personality side of things more than the physical if I have to choose one.


And that I can never do, she would have to at least have something pretty about her - for ex it was her eyes. Still took a year before we became an item however!


----------



## SoVeryLost

RandomDude said:


> Easily; I live in a big city, hence not only are there plenty of options, but screwing up just means you can just disappear back into the crowd - hence no fear!
> 
> 
> 
> Hey? Nah, finding a needle in a haystack is easy, just shove your hand into the pile until you get pricked. It's more like finding a needle in a stack of needles!
> 
> 
> 
> And that I can never do, she would have to at least have something pretty about her - for ex it was her eyes. Still took a year before we became an item however!


I suppose I should elaborate - I live in a small, rural community. I can't go anywhere without bumping into someone I know. So my options are significantly different than those afforded to people living in more metropolitan areas. I greatly enjoy and value the quality of life where I live, especially for my son, so I'm not complaining. Just pointing out there are substantial differences in the dating pools.


----------



## Jellybeans

So the guy I told you guys about who said I should "forget about my life" and go be with him...

Ok well I told him I was not interested in dating but that we could be friends. 

Well yesterday he starts hitting me up about how pretty I am and how he is available for "kissing anytime" and when I did not respond, he told me he was "almost tired" of me and how he was going to "leave and find a nice" girl and how he was tired of waiting for me.

...?

I reiterated that I told him I was not interested in dating him and felt like he was forcing the issue. Then he got all "nevermind, Jelly" on me and said he just felt 'happy' around me. 

Oy.

I am not one for stringing people along at all cause I hate when people do that to me but in this case, I was clear with him and it's like he doesn't get it and then got upset. I sympathize because I have been on the receiving end of "not interested" but I simply bow out. 

He is so nice and kind but emotionally, I am not on his page. He wants way more than I can give him because I don't feel it. Is something wrong with me? Am I broken?

One day I am going to get his right again. And I can't wait to meet him. Or rather, I can. But still. 



SoVeryLost said:


> The problem is that I'm not horribly attracted to him physically. I feel like I shouldn't let that get in the way, and that maybe the attraction will build in time. He's not a bad looking guy at all, it's just not really there for me, and I'm not sure that's something I can force. I was worried he may try to kiss me last night, and the thought of that was kind of grossing me out. I see him in more of a brotherly way. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.


I can so relate to this. And it sucks when it happens. You get on with someone well but that "it" just isn't there. That is the worst. Some people say that over time "it" can develop but that has never been my experience.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Hey? Nah, finding a needle in a haystack is easy, just shove your hand into the pile until you get pricked. It's more like finding a needle in a stack of needles!


This has never been my experience.

It truly has always been like finding a needle in a haystack for me. Always happens when I am not looking, too.


----------



## moxy

SoVeryLost said:


> I suppose I should elaborate - I live in a small, rural community. I can't go anywhere without bumping into someone I know. So my options are significantly different than those afforded to people living in more metropolitan areas. I greatly enjoy and value the quality of life where I live, especially for my son, so I'm not complaining. Just pointing out there are substantial differences in the dating pools.



Same here, but I'm near a big city and spend time there on the weekends. It does indeed make a difference.


----------



## RandomDude

SoVeryLost said:


> I suppose I should elaborate - I live in a small, rural community. I can't go anywhere without bumping into someone I know. So my options are significantly different than those afforded to people living in more metropolitan areas. I greatly enjoy and value the quality of life where I live, especially for my son, so I'm not complaining. Just pointing out there are substantial differences in the dating pools.


Aye... a whole different world! I grew up in a small community in my youth before moving, reputation becomes an issue too. Here where I live now, meh! 

In your shoes though I might import!



Jellybeans said:


> Well yesterday he starts hitting me up about how pretty I am and how he is available for "kissing anytime" and when I did not respond, he told me he was "almost tired" of me and how he was going to "leave and find a nice" girl and how he was tired of waiting for me.
> 
> ...?


Well then tell him to put his money where his mouth is! :smthumbup:



Jellybeans said:


> This has never been my experience.
> 
> It truly has always been like finding a needle in a haystack for me. Always happens when I am not looking, too.


Ha! Since seperation it's always finding a needle in a stack of needles, cause they all sting with disappointment after disappointment. And if I remember correctly, ex happened rather differently - she was a needle that stung me in the ass while I wasn't looking! 

But it's been over a year and nothing like that has happened on the love front so meh. My current needle will sting me eventually I'm sure, but I'm ready for it via preventing emotional involvement.


----------



## moxy

RD, it sucks to still miss the ex, like it sounds like you still do. Plenty of fun to be had while you're getting over her, though.


----------



## ne9907

This morning, I woke up very happy and worry-free. I felt as if my relationship (or lack there of) troubles, are self made. I felt as if I don't need a relationship, or sex, to be happy.

I also felt that I seek emotionally unavailable men. I haven't date much actually. Blue eyes was a rebound but very much emotionally unavailable. Army guy?? Definitely emotionally unavailable.
Irish? Not sure, he seems to be very excited to see me today, btw we have a brunch date in about an hour. I need to get ready.

Yes, I had made a date with Irish for brunch today, so I will keep it as I do not want to cancel.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD, it sucks to still miss the ex, like it sounds like you still do. Plenty of fun to be had while you're getting over her, though.


Say what? NO! 

I don't miss her - besides I see her every bloody weekend! And right now she's p-ssed at me for taking my daughter to see X-men lol

But one thing I do miss: Love itself



> Irish? Not sure, he seems to be very excited to see me today, btw we have a brunch date in about an hour. I need to get ready.
> 
> Yes, I had made a date with Irish for brunch today, so I will keep it as I do not want to cancel.


But but... isn't he the guy that you FZed? :scratchhead:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Ok well I told him I was not interested in dating but that we could be friends.
> 
> Well yesterday he starts hitting me up about how pretty I am and how he is available for "kissing anytime" and when I did not respond, he told me he was "almost tired" of me and how he was going to "leave and find a nice" girl and how he was tired of waiting for me.
> ...
> He is so nice and kind but emotionally, I am not on his page. He wants way more than I can give him because I don't feel it. Is something wrong with me? Am I broken?


Whhhhhhhatttttt????????????????
Someone who says those kinds of things to you is not "nice and kind". Of course you're not on his page, I should hope not!
Sounds like he would be this demanding of any woman. He's making a t&a grab here, not doing any kind of sincere pursuit.
I would not keep someone who says he is "almost tired" and going to "leave and find a nice girl" as a friend. He's yanking your chain, friends don't do that. 

There is nothing wrong with you, you're not broken, but you are too inflexible in changing your opinion of someone who you have first put in the "nice" bin. You need to learn to clean sweep after finding evidence of "not nice" and not to see such statements as this guy made as 'anomalies' to the 'niceness.' What he said was not kind. It sounds like some kind of kindergarten playground social bullying.

Don't coddle your rejects & fails by calling them 'friends.'
At the very best, keep them as a social acquaintance.
If they are particularly annoying, tell them you want no further contact, and send them on their way.


----------



## unsure78

Hmm SVL if you have already hung ouy with this guy twice and "it" isnt there, from my experience it doesn't happen...but that just me... I usually know if a base attraction is there pretty quickly. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Jelly that guy is a total stage 5!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Not a bad sunday... worked a few hours to catch up on a report, getting a pedi right now, then off to get some last min gifts for my little mans bday this week!

Tonight the current guy is coming over for a relaxing dinner and just hanging out 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SoVeryLost

unsure78 said:


> Hmm SVL if you have already hung ouy with this guy twice and "it" isnt there, from my experience it doesn't happen...but that just me... I usually know if a base attraction is there pretty quickly. .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I'm not sure. I'm not convinced that "it" can't be developed. Albert Einstein defined insanity as, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I'm perfectly content on my own, but I'm open to the possibility of someone in my life. The type of men I've dated in the past left me with the same results... Which is a whole lot of disappointment. Maybe I just need to give it a chance. Maybe something can be cultivated. I'm in uncharted territory here. Not going to jump ship just yet.

He called me a couple hours ago while he was on the road for work. He's a farmer of all things...which piques my curiosity even more because I never dreamt in a million years I'd have anything in common with someone in that line of work and accompanying lifestyle. Although wrong, I suppose we all hold onto some stereotypes. The point is... He's proving me wrong on so many levels, and I like that. I like talking to him. He makes me laugh. I'm very comfortable with him. I like that he's not predictable and is challenging to me in some ways.

If/when I know with a level of certainty that nothing will ever be there, I'll be honest with him about it. I respect his time and feelings and won't lead him on. But at this point we haven't even gone on a date yet. Going to stop thinking about it and just let it be what it's going to be. I'll know soon enough.


----------



## unsure78

SoVeryLost said:


> Yeah I'm not sure. I'm not convinced that "it" can't be developed. Albert Einstein defined insanity as, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I'm perfectly content on my own, but I'm open to the possibility of someone in my life. The type of men I've dated in the past left me with the same results... Which is a whole lot of disappointment. Maybe I just need to give it a chance. Maybe something can be cultivated. I'm in uncharted territory here. Not going to jump ship just yet.
> 
> He called me a couple hours ago while he was on the road for work. He's a farmer of all things...which piques my curiosity even more because I never dreamt in a million years I'd have anything in common with someone in that line of work and accompanying lifestyle. Although wrong, I suppose we all hold onto some stereotypes. The point is... He's proving me wrong on so many levels, and I like that. I like talking to him. He makes me laugh. I'm very comfortable with him. I like that he's not predictable and is challenging to me in some ways.
> 
> If/when I know with a level of certainty that nothing will ever be there, I'll be honest with him about it. I respect his time and feelings and won't lead him on. But at this point we haven't even gone on a date yet. Going to stop thinking about it and just let it be what it's going to be. I'll know soon enough.


Hey im right there with you I also seem to gravitate to the very good looking and buff a$$holes... yea never really works out for me either... thats why currently im trying a "nice" guy... im attracted to him but im not sure if im going to be able to take it to the next level, love with him... but I agree doing the same thing over and over again gets you nowhere... sometimes you have to try something different
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> But one thing I do miss: Love itself
> 
> 
> 
> But but... isn't he the guy that you FZed? :scratchhead:


I miss love too. I was reading your current FWB post, and I thought to myself that is what I would like to find.

ANyway, I haven't friendzoned him just yet. We are just going out on dates every weekend, because I work out of town on weekdays. 
He seems to enjoy it, I enjoy it as well. We haven't kissed yet. We have gone out on 3 weekend dates.

I don't know what his mentality is, we are dating minus the sex part, we are getting to know each other. I do like his eyes. 
His lifestyle is a bit too chaotic for my taste. I told him that today. But he seems to think we would make a great couple, he is talking about taking me to Baja, taking me to Vegas, finding a job here in town for me (So I don't have to drive 2.5 hours every week for my current job). 
Kinda scary for me. Of course, it could all be that he just wants to have sex with me. But he has yet to make a move.

Btw, girls (and men) do you sometimes check out same sex profiles on dating sites to see how you rank?
I checked same sex profiles last night in three separate geographic locations.
Either my self esteem is recovering, or there are very slim pickings out there.

I rated myself within the top. 
Physically and intellectually, I totally make a great partner.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> I miss love too. I was reading your current FWB post, and I thought to myself that is what I would like to find.
> 
> ANyway, I haven't friendzoned him just yet. We are just going out on dates every weekend, because I work out of town on weekdays.
> He seems to enjoy it, I enjoy it as well. We haven't kissed yet. We have gone out on 3 weekend dates.
> 
> I don't know what his mentality is, we are dating minus the sex part, we are getting to know each other. I do like his eyes.
> His lifestyle is a bit too chaotic for my taste. I told him that today. But he seems to think we would make a great couple, he is talking about taking me to Baja, taking me to Vegas, finding a job here in town for me (So I don't have to drive 2.5 hours every week for my current job).
> Kinda scary for me. Of course, it could all be that he just wants to have sex with me. But he has yet to make a move.
> 
> Btw, girls (and men) do you sometimes check out same sex profiles on dating sites to see how you rank?
> I checked same sex profiles last night in three separate geographic locations.
> Either my self esteem is recovering, or there are very slim pickings out there.
> 
> I rated myself within the top.
> Physically and intellectually, I totally make a great partner.


I have checked out the other womens profiles in my area. .. but I only look at the ones that ard someone equivalent to me age wise, kids, education, and physical types... 

I mean I cant compare to a 24 yr old with no kids no matter what... so I start off with whats comparable. .. I also have done it to get a sense of how other women write their profiles...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SoVeryLost

unsure78 said:


> Hey im right there with you I also seem to gravitate to the very good looking and buff a$$holes... yea never really works out for me either... thats why currently im trying a "nice" guy... im attracted to him but im not sure if im going to be able to take it to the next level, love with him... but I agree doing the same thing over and over again gets you nowhere... sometimes you have to try something different
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gosh it's fun looking at those buff a$$holes though!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!


----------



## Fenix

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Whhhhhhhatttttt????????????????
> Someone who says those kinds of things to you is not "nice and kind". Of course you're not on his page, I should hope not!
> Sounds like he would be this demanding of any woman. He's making a t&a grab here, not doing any kind of sincere pursuit.
> I would not keep someone who says he is "almost tired" and going to "leave and find a nice girl" as a friend. He's yanking your chain, friends don't do that.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with you, you're not broken, but you are too inflexible in changing your opinion of someone who you have first put in the "nice" bin. You need to learn to clean sweep after finding evidence of "not nice" and not to see such statements as this guy made as 'anomalies' to the 'niceness.' What he said was not kind. It sounds like some kind of kindergarten playground social bullying.
> 
> Don't coddle your rejects & fails by calling them 'friends.'
> At the very best, keep them as a social acquaintance.
> If they are particularly annoying, tell them you want no further contact, and send them on their way.


:iagree:

Add in manipulative.


----------



## unsure78

SoVeryLost said:


> Gosh it's fun looking at those buff a$$holes though!


yea it is  ive had my fair share of them post D, they are good for some things lol, just not long term
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SoVeryLost

unsure78 said:


> yea it is  ive had my fair share of them post D, they are good for some things lol, just not long term
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ditto 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> yea it is  ive had my fair share of them post D, they are good for some things lol, just not long term
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





SoVeryLost said:


> Ditto
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same with hot girls and prostitutes. Arm candy and sex toys.


----------



## muskrat

I had a great weekend with my kids. I also got some interesting texts. Because of this I can say that women confuse me more than I thought. And I thought I was really confused.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Fenix said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Add in manipulative.


When it's that transparent (the attempt at manipulation), I just call it annoying. Once I'm annoyed, it's easy to call it a fail.

My big problem with dating is that I graduated from therapy.
The people on my team were so good, that my dating life is now pretty bland, as in, nonexistent. In the past I could overlook red flags, now I'm scr*ewed because I'm attached to my Aussie friend. ATM he's at a mining site and I think the volcanic cloud over that part of Aus is blocking phone reception, will be days before I hear a response from my invite: offered to get him a plane ticket to come here for a week or so during one of his off-weeks this summer, am too lazy to go there and suspect we would have more fun here, camping and such. WA is nice, but I could go there during the winter here when we can go camping there. Getting a settlement from a small legal issue, would be good use of the funds, put a positive spin on them as they are 'sullied' because of the circumstances that led to the lawsuit in the first place (that I was trying to avoid but the landlord broke laws and then didn't want to mediate, dumb on his part but whatever.)

Not sure what I will feel if he says no, probably crushed, oh well.
At least I have the satisfaction of knowing I have an attraction, I'm not your typical woman who goes for what would be considered typical in terms of a guy. I'm attracted to very few people, which is an improvement over my past days when my picker was broken in some way, who knows how. All I know is that my team fixed it, they are geniuses. 

Even they don't know what they did, midway through they tried to discharge me because they said they didn't think I was getting anything out of it, I said, sorry you feel that way, that's not the way I feel. Haha, then they kept me on for a while. I think it was a sh*t test, to be honest. Maybe a way they could assess how I dealt with new information that was contrary to my beliefs? No idea.

Now I have a life worth defending, I don't want just anyone to be messing with it. I've played it cool with a couple guys that I knew wouldn't be able to fit in to family life, and get along with my kids, or really be able to fit into our home life. 

On the other hand, we got a new cat, found as a stray, and she fits in just right?! We have found her and my male cat (she got spayed and shots and everything) sleeping together numerous times in numerous places, with his paw around her neck and her paw up on his face. My male cat who always chowed down his food now steps aside to make sure Princess Kitty gets her fill. It's disgusting watching kitty love when I don't have anyone. Even my kids have each other for close companionship. They do almost everything as a team and don't fight very often. I'm the odd girl out.

Well, someone will come along. Hoping for an airport pickup sometime this summer, if I'm lucky.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I had a great weekend with my kids. I also got some interesting texts. Because of this I can say that women confuse me more than I thought. And I thought I was really confused.


 do tell!


----------



## muskrat

I took my kids to my cabin in the mountains for the weekend. Last night while making smores I got a text from a lady I was talking to a while ago. She wanted to apologize for just disappearing. Said she was dealing with a lot of stuff and should have waited to put up a dating profile. She then asked to call so we could talk about it.
I told her it was no big deal, I just assumed she met someone. I then told her I was camping and had a crappy cell signal, so we could talk tonight when I get home.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I took my kids to my cabin in the mountains for the weekend. Last night while making smores I got a text from a lady I was talking to a while ago. She wanted to apologize for just disappearing. Said she was dealing with a lot of stuff and should have waited to put up a dating profile. She then asked to call so we could talk about it.
> 
> I told her it was no big deal, I just assumed she met someone. I then told her I was camping and had a crappy cell signal, so we could talk tonight when I get home.



Sounds like she worked out her issues and wanted to talk to you because she liked you. I actually think that's kinda responsible; I would much rather have a guy show up after a while wanting to explain things than having him disappear for no reason that I know of, leaving me to wonder if I screwed up. Are you still interested in her? It might be cool to hear what she has to say, right? At the least, you stayed on her mind and that's gotta feel nice.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I took my kids to my cabin in the mountains for the weekend. Last night while making smores I got a text from a lady I was talking to a while ago. She wanted to apologize for just disappearing. Said she was dealing with a lot of stuff and should have waited to put up a dating profile. She then asked to call so we could talk about it.
> I told her it was no big deal, I just assumed she met someone. I then told her I was camping and had a crappy cell signal, so we could talk tonight when I get home.


Because I would pull something similar (yes, I need therapy), I believe she was indeed seeing someone else but it has run its course. 
I say go for it!




Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> On the other hand, we got a new cat, found as a stray, and she fits in just right?! We have found her and my male cat (she got spayed and shots and everything) sleeping together numerous times in numerous places, with his paw around her neck and her paw up on his face. My male cat who always chowed down his food now steps aside to make sure Princess Kitty gets her fill. It's disgusting watching kitty love when I don't have anyone. Even my kids have each other for close companionship. They do almost everything as a team and don't fight very often. I'm the odd girl out.
> 
> .


Aussies have sexy accents!!! Yes, he will agree to the trip!

I want some kitty love!~ I am so jealous of their love


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> Sounds like she worked out her issues and wanted to talk to you because she liked you. I actually think that's kinda responsible; I would much rather have a guy show up after a while wanting to explain things than having him disappear for no reason that I know of, leaving me to wonder if I screwed up. Are you still interested in her? It might be cool to hear what she has to say, right? At the least, you stayed on her mind and that's gotta feel nice.


I hadn't thought of it like that Moxy. Right now I just have a hard time taking her seriously, seemed kind of flaky the way things went down. But yes I will see what she has to say as soon as my kids go to bed. And now that you mention it, it is pretty cool that she was still thinking about me.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> Because I would pull something similar (yes, I need therapy), I believe she was indeed seeing someone else but it has run its course.
> I say go for it!


It was just weird. I hadn't talked to her in 2 or 3 months. When her name showed up on my phone I had to think for a minute about who it was. I had sent the last message, when she never responded I moved on. I guess it pays not to chase. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

I need the opinion of the ladies. My daughter took some new pics of me today while we were hiking. I added them to my profile. Would they be good pics for a dating site?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Because I would pull something similar (yes, I need therapy), I believe she was indeed seeing someone else but it has run its course.
> I say go for it!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Aussies have sexy accents!!! Yes, he will agree to the trip!
> 
> I want some kitty love!~ I am so jealous of their love


I can barely understand him sometimes, he has a very soft voice. I'm the same way. Kind of funny, actually.

I have another Aussie friend, just a friend, have been camping in a group with him so know him quite well, and would not say his accent is sexy. But to each their own.

Well, I felt a bit sick to my stomach and nervous when I first gave him my card, and really happy and still nervous when he called (but spending time with him not nervous at all...) so not surprised to feel the same way after another invite. To be honest, he invited me and my kids to move out there, but I can't, my kids aren't old enough to decide where they want to live. And he's not set up yet for that, still has stuff to work out with his property and kids (never married, but has kids with a woman not involved with now for some years as well as half ownership of house where they - kids and their mother, live. He has a house share now elsewhere for when he's off work 1 week out of every 4.) I can work from wherever, though, makes no difference. My work mate is cool with it if I go overseas, so long as I have good internet, I can work. But if he's off at mine sites all the time, why bother right now. We are close enough to retirement to wing it for some time.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I need the opinion of the ladies. My daughter took some new pics of me today while we were hiking. I added them to my profile. Would they be good pics for a dating site?


I like it Muskat!
Would you take me on a ride?

You look very good!!!!


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> I like it Muskat!
> Would you take me on a ride?
> 
> You look very good!!!!


Thanks, now I have to figure out how to get the size down small enough so dating sites will accept them.

My Harley is broke down right now or did you mean a mustache ride? :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Thanks, now I have to figure out how to get the size down small enough so dating sites will accept them.
> 
> My Harley is broke down right now or did you mean a mustache ride? :scratchhead:


:lol:

I don't like motorcycles at all, so....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Sounds like she worked out her issues and wanted to talk to you because she liked you. I actually think that's kinda responsible; I would much rather have a guy show up after a while wanting to explain things than having him disappear for no reason that I know of, leaving me to wonder if I screwed up. Are you still interested in her? It might be cool to hear what she has to say, right? At the least, you stayed on her mind and that's gotta feel nice.


Or he was her second choice, and the first one didn't work out? 

(Sorry Rat, not trying to imply anything about you at all, I'd be curious to find out if she was with someone else during the time she ghosted you)


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> :lol:
> 
> I don't like motorcycles at all, so....


O.O


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I miss love too. I was reading your current FWB post, and I thought to myself that is what I would like to find.


It took a while though, at first she was one of two FBs and she left because she felt that she wanted an emotional connection but knew I couldn't give her that, while the other tried to go from FB to relationship so I had to let her go.

Then she came back and started becoming more 'friendly' then usual and I questioned her intention - especially I suspected she has become more vulnerable emotionally after her recent failed attempts in dating unable to find love. However since talking to her about it she turns out to be fine.

We're not on the same page with alot of things, so we're not relationship material. But we're on the same page with this, so she went from FB to FWB, as I'm trusting her more with controlling her emotional state. But these arrangements are emotional tightropes, once one of us loses our balance it's done. For now it's heaven!



> ANyway, I haven't friendzoned him just yet. We are just going out on dates every weekend, because I work out of town on weekdays.
> He seems to enjoy it, I enjoy it as well. We haven't kissed yet. We have gone out on 3 weekend dates.
> 
> I don't know what his mentality is, we are dating minus the sex part, we are getting to know each other. I do like his eyes.
> His lifestyle is a bit too chaotic for my taste. I told him that today. But he seems to think we would make a great couple, he is talking about taking me to Baja, taking me to Vegas, finding a job here in town for me (So I don't have to drive 2.5 hours every week for my current job).
> Kinda scary for me. Of course, it could all be that he just wants to have sex with me. But he has yet to make a move.


Ah... in that case, I wonder what he's waiting for! Waiting too long will lock him in the FZ no? lol



> Btw, girls (and men) do you sometimes check out same sex profiles on dating sites to see how you rank?
> I checked same sex profiles last night in three separate geographic locations.
> Either my self esteem is recovering, or there are very slim pickings out there.
> 
> I rated myself within the top.
> Physically and intellectually, I totally make a great partner.


My esteem is overblown as it is but tis just me


----------



## lisab0105

muskrat said:


> Thanks, now I have to figure out how to get the size down small enough so dating sites will accept them.
> 
> My Harley is broke down right now or did you mean a mustache ride? :scratchhead:


Pixlr.com
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Red head didn't work out this weekend. 

By some stroke of luck though, I spent time with this beautiful Asian. 

Dr
Late 20's
Former Gymnist
Did I mention Asian? 
Very beautiful.
Way too much in common. 

Only downside. It's like we just met, and I found out she is leaving town to her new job in Denver. So all that physical contact long term means nothing. But I guess, we both needed something.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Wow that's news to me. I didn't know that part of your story.
> 
> Yeah it sounds like you should just take some time out, work on yourself


That was 17 years ago. Long since worked on and never repeated!


----------



## caladan

hope4family said:


> Red head didn't work out this weekend.
> 
> By some stroke of luck though, I spent time with this beautiful Asian.
> 
> Dr
> Late 20's
> Former Gymnist
> Did I mention Asian?
> Very beautiful.
> Way too much in common.
> 
> Only downside. It's like we just met, and I found out she is leaving town to her new job in Denver. So all that physical contact long term means nothing. But I guess, we both needed something.


Really? Are you also a former gymnist?


----------



## whitehawk

hope4family said:


> Red head didn't work out this weekend.
> 
> By some stroke of luck though, I spent time with this beautiful Asian.
> 
> Dr
> Late 20's
> Former Gymnist
> Did I mention Asian?
> Very beautiful.
> Way too much in common.
> 
> Only downside. It's like we just met, and I found out she is leaving town to her new job in Denver. So all that physical contact long term means nothing. But I guess, we both needed something.


You lucky theng you How did
you meet her ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Hope, it sounds like you had a fine time! Too bad she's leaving, soon, but sometimes the intensity of the short-term fling makes it worthwhile.
---

Looks like my FWB missed my all of this because he came by just to see me and we had a hell of a wild night. Lots of fun, but I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable this morning. Thankfully, I have a ton of work to do and can distract myself with it.


----------



## hope4family

caladan said:


> Really? Are you also a former gymnist?


Nope. Just an average Joe.


----------



## hope4family

whitehawk said:


> You lucky theng you How did
> you meet her ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dancing. I take dance classes at a local school. Even if you say you can't dance, I say you suck up and do it anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

Asians are the best, though I avoid Chinese women like the plague, sensitive as I am in regards to materialism. Exceptions sure but generally... meh, they are the worst amongst Asians when it comes to that. Koreans are my fav, only problem is they have more trouble grasping the english language than many it seems - mostly due to their insistence to stick within their own community.

Laundry lady last year was Korean, tall with long divine legs, smooth flawless skin, long black hair, big black eyes, great smile, perfect english... a bit of a starer though *sigh* why did I let her go :banghead:

Not a day goes by nowadays that I don't regret what I did. Bah!


----------



## hope4family

I hope the best for you Moxy. 

Hopefully you find someone who is good for you.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Asians are the best, though I avoid Chinese women like the plague, sensitive as I am in regards to materialism. Exceptions sure but generally... meh, they are the worst amongst Asians when it comes to that. Koreans are my fav, only problem is they have more trouble grasping the english language than many it seems - mostly due to their insistence to stick within their own community.
> 
> Laundry lady last year was Korean, tall with long divine legs, smooth flawless skin, long black hair, big black eyes, great smile, perfect english... a bit of a starer though *sigh* why did I let her go :wallbash:
> 
> Not a day goes by nowadays that I don't regret what I did. Bah!


If I hadn't lived in Asia twice and had a group of Korean women as my best friends in my young adulthood (Stateside, but they were all immigrants) I'd say you were racist. (You should try Mongolian women, they will beat these others hands down in materialism, as well as scre*ing you over...I'm a woman and even had to watch my back amongst them?) But in general, the society in these cultures is more or less as you describe, men as well as women. Just as we can say our American culture is mostly misogynist, poor health, money-focused, and as for culture, can be summed up as saying "It's all about me" and if it's not, my violence/misogyny/discontent is justified/understandable. 

Just try being an American woman and finding someone to date. Phhhhht.


----------



## moxy

hope4family said:


> I hope the best for you Moxy.
> 
> 
> 
> Hopefully you find someone who is good for you.



I'm okay-ish. However, I do think that, for my own well-being, the next person I get involved with is going to have to be a boyfriend, not just a FWB. I also think I need to cool my libido down and not date men unless I see a possibility for emotional connection and some kind of longevity. I'm realizing that I need some emotional intimacy and a partner who is both the right kind of naughty and the right kind of emotionally considerate. I don't know if I want casual these days; even though I have very high drive which is somewhat managed by the opportunity for sex (I really seem to wear my men out, but I'm seldom satisfied, which puts me at risk of a sort of addiction), so it occurs to me that depth of passion and connection is what I might need. I have some serious trust issues; maybe back to therapy. So, yay for the fun I had, but...it's made me realize that I've got some psychic trauma in need of attention.


----------



## hope4family

moxy said:


> I'm okay-ish. However, I do think that, for my own well-being, the next person I get involved with is going to have to be a boyfriend, not just a FWB. I also think I need to cool my libido down and not date men unless I see a possibility for emotional connection and some kind of longevity. I'm realizing that I need some emotional intimacy and a partner who is both the right kind of naughty and the right kind of emotionally considerate. I don't know if I want casual these days; even though I have very high drive which is somewhat managed by the opportunity for sex (I really seem to wear my men out, but I'm seldom satisfied, which puts me at risk of a sort of addiction), so it occurs to me that depth of passion and connection is what I might need. I have some serious trust issues; maybe back to therapy. So, yay for the fun I had, but...it's made me realize that I've got some psychic trauma in need of attention.


The first step can be admitting it. 

I need an emotional connection before sex. At the same time I am very high drive. This makes someone where sex could be easy but emotional connection isn't there a very double edged sword. 

Physical needs, or emotional ones. I vote emotional. Not to say I am not plenty happy on my own. I just want that connection to make love and not just down and dirty. I want to have the ability to do both with someone.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If I hadn't lived in Asia twice and had a group of Korean women as my best friends in my young adulthood (Stateside, but they were all immigrants) I'd say you were racist. (You should try Mongolian women, they will beat these others hands down in materialism, as well as scre*ing you over...I'm a woman and even had to watch my back amongst them?) But in general, the society in these cultures is more or less as you describe, men as well as women. Just as we can say our American culture is mostly misogynist, poor health, money-focused, and as for culture, can be summed up as saying "It's all about me" and if it's not, my violence/misogyny/discontent is justified/understandable.
> 
> Just try being an American woman and finding someone to date. Phhhhht.


You forget I AM Mongol  (mostly)

And I don't consider those Halh city folk part of my own, UB is russo-sinofied, and we call them all hujaa! Besides my people are Oirat, and my immediate family are different ourselves considering we're not stuck in either Kalmykia or Dzungaria.

Nonetheless it's rare to find others of my people here where I live, so I've been ramming everyone's women but my own... but as a Khan should!  (Some even looked down on me for marrying my wife back in the day though, bah! As if I have a choice!)

And yup, materialism is part of many cultures, even accepted and expected. Some more than others! Throughout my experiences on the market however I have already noticed that materialism is much less pronounced amongst Australian women then Asian women especially Chinese. I did marry one after all. But it still exists as I live in a big city - so I'm still careful.

BTW did you get away from UB and onto the countryside during your travels as I suggested? There you will meet those with the true spirit of our people - unlike myself, I'm too modern now


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I'm okay-ish. However, I do think that, for my own well-being, the next person I get involved with is going to have to be a boyfriend, not just a FWB. I also think I need to cool my libido down and not date men unless I see a possibility for emotional connection and some kind of longevity. I'm realizing that I need some emotional intimacy and a partner who is both the right kind of naughty and the right kind of emotionally considerate. I don't know if I want casual these days; even though I have very high drive which is somewhat managed by the opportunity for sex (I really seem to wear my men out, but I'm seldom satisfied, which puts me at risk of a sort of addiction), so it occurs to me that depth of passion and connection is what I might need. I have some serious trust issues; maybe back to therapy. So, yay for the fun I had, but...it's made me realize that I've got some psychic trauma in need of attention.


I agree, as I said in a previous post; you need to scratch the dating itch. FWB isn't for you anymore, maybe after several failed attempts with lovey doveys then maybe you'll be ready for it again. 

Or you might meet another future ex husband! :smthumbup:
And experience love all over again, that is nice too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> You forget I AM Mongol  (mostly)
> 
> And I don't consider those Halh city folk part of my own, UB is russo-sinofied, and we call them all hujaa! Besides my people are Oirat, and my immediate family are different ourselves considering we're not stuck in either Kalmykia or Dzungaria.
> 
> Nonetheless it's rare to find others of my people here where I live, so I've been ramming everyone's women but my own... but as a Khan should!  (Some even looked down on me for marrying my wife back in the day though, bah! As if I have a choice!)
> 
> And yup, materialism is part of many cultures, even accepted and expected. Some more than others! Throughout my experiences on the market however I have already noticed that materialism is much less pronounced amongst Australian women then Asian women especially Chinese. I did marry one after all. But it still exists as I live in a big city - so I'm still careful.
> 
> BTW did you get away from UB and onto the countryside during your travels as I suggested? There you will meet those with the true spirit of our people - unlike myself, I'm too modern now


I had either forgotten that or not realized it in the first place, or though you were joking? UB has so many people now from the countryside, just recently moved in past few years, not sure when the last time you went was? But most not citified, they would like to be but no new apartments materializing as promised by the government, at least none with actual running water and heat in the upper floors, sure you know all too well how this pans out in a place like UB.

I did get out into the countryside a few times, went camping with my materialistic host family during Nadaam, and scored a stay at a government run health camp in one of the famous mud puddles. Then went out twice without family to Terelj, once was quite nice, just walking around and the second time on horseback with kids for guides as well as a woman from the agency I booked through who I got along with just great. (She'd been previously working for an Australian firm.)

That's where I met my Aussie friend, on the second trip. 

People from Aus are probably less materialistic because with the bennies there, they can afford to be, as well as in S Korea, whereas in the other places, money really does equate to a better chance of overall survival and not ending up (literally) in the rubbish dump/garbage heap. If I were in that situation, I am sure I would do everything I could to improve my situation, including but not limited to man-hunting. 

Even for the educated, there are no good jobs. 
And the 'good jobs' are frequently with those that can afford to hire, meaning, the corrupt. Choose between the lesser evils, manning up (in the world) or working in a corrupt outfit (and getting sexually harassed/having to sleep with men to keep one's job anyhow). Might as well 'man up'.

I did find one true spirit, the night watchman at work (news office.) We watched westerns together late at night. Both the Russo-Mongolian 'westerns' and the US westerns. Anything with horses and survival skills, good to go.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I had either forgotten that or not realized it in the first place, or though you were joking? UB has so many people now from the countryside, just recently moved in past few years, not sure when the last time you went was? But most not citified, they would like to be but no new apartments materializing as promised by the government, at least none with actual running water and heat in the upper floors, sure you know all too well how this pans out in a place like UB.


Aye and city folk complain about them! It's a very young population really over there. Nation of kids really, but they are really fun.



> I did get out into the countryside a few times, went camping with my materialistic host family during Nadaam, and scored a stay at a government run health camp in one of the famous mud puddles. Then went out twice without family to Terelj, once was quite nice, just walking around and the second time on horseback with kids for guides as well as a woman from the agency I booked through who I got along with just great. (She'd been previously working for an Australian firm.)


I meant spending time with the nomads, not sure if they're still around over there or if they have all flocked to UB nowadays. In Dzungaria the Chinese government is trying to give subsidies to stop overgrazing too. Nomadic way is dying out it seems.



> That's where I met my Aussie friend, on the second trip.
> 
> People from Aus are probably less materialistic because with the bennies there, they can afford to be, as well as in S Korea, whereas in the other places, money really does equate to a better chance of overall survival and not ending up (literally) in the rubbish dump/garbage heap. If I were in that situation, I am sure I would do everything I could to improve my situation, including but not limited to man-hunting.
> 
> Even for the educated, there are no good jobs.
> And the 'good jobs' are frequently with those that can afford to hire, meaning, the corrupt. Choose between the lesser evils, manning up (in the world) or working in a corrupt outfit (and getting sexually harassed/having to sleep with men to keep one's job anyhow). Might as well 'man up'.


Materialism is understandable but doesn't mean I have to accept it. Sure, mum remarried for money, and I swore I'll never be stepdad. So I'm limiting my options but I know what I want... and what I had - and can't live without.

The main problem I have with it is not the desire to better one's situation, it's the deception and lies. A man can give his heart to a woman who may desire only his money in private. She'll even lie to herself that it's love to avoid the guilt.

Nah, that's unacceptable to me.



> I did find one true spirit, the night watchman at work (news office.) We watched westerns together late at night. Both the Russo-Mongolian 'westerns' and the US westerns. Anything with horses and survival skills, good to go.


>.<!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Aye and city folk complain about them! It's a very young population really over there. Nation of kids really, but they are really fun.
> 
> 
> 
> I meant spending time with the nomads, not sure if they're still around over there or if they have all flocked to UB nowadays. In Dzungaria the Chinese government is trying to give subsidies to stop overgrazing too. Nomadic way is dying out it seems.
> 
> 
> 
> Materialism is understandable but doesn't mean I have to accept it. Sure, mum remarried for money, and I swore I'll never be stepdad. So I'm limiting my options but I know what I want... and what I had - and can't live without.
> 
> The main problem I have with it is not the desire to better one's situation, it's the deception and lies. A man can give his heart to a woman who may desire only his money in private. She'll even lie to herself that it's love to avoid the guilt.
> 
> Nah, that's unacceptable to me.
> 
> 
> 
> >.<!


The nomads that are left are far away from UB, and even then have to stay within their assigned communities or give up the land rights if they go somewhere else. More likely to make their living charging campers, you cannot just set up camp anywhere, someone will come along with a badge and demand payment, after the fact. 

GPS historical and current ensure that squatter's rights as of a certain date prevail, of course there's been some doctoring of that.

You are right about it being a young country, that's part of the problem, the culture on top of the age, a very bad combination for development, everyone wants to be the exception to the socialism that needs to be embedded in the democracy, and it's easy to see there isn't enough to go around, so being greedy isn't just being greedy, it's survival, and very very difficult to get an exit visa, even if you are married to a foreigner, the bureaucrats and clerks will hold out for the required bribes, losing paperwork, increasing fees for stamps without a blink or flinching. 

I prefer to make my own money, and yes, marriage or relationship for love is best. 

If someone is lying to you and getting away with it, that also reflects badly on you, for not being a better detective and/or not protecting your assets and just risking what you can afford to lose?

It's not just a guy thing, even women have to be careful of the artful dodgers who can and will play you for a place to sleep, f*ck and eat. 

I've been a self-supporting partner/wife three times when it was time to walk and suspected it wasn't love but one of the above, just took my stuff and walked. Being of nomadic heritage has its advantages, it's in the genetics to just move on when necessary, isn't it, with not too much baggage and as much wealth as can be carried in the bank account and intellect, and the kids of course, as much as possible.

My TV friend was very old. 

My Aussie friend needed liberating from his situation, it is a work in process that's entirely controlled by him. I steer clear of it.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh charging campers? Bah! They should just send their relatives overseas and get rich by us sedentary folk sending them money like my family did lol 

Though I guess it's harder nowadays, and aye, UB is highly corrupt... to the point the corruption has become a part of daily life. Not so different from other developing countries however.



> If someone is lying to you and getting away with it, that also reflects badly on you, for not being a better detective and/or not protecting your assets and just risking what you can afford to lose?
> 
> It's not just a guy thing, even women have to be careful of the artful dodgers who can and will play you for a place to sleep, f*ck and eat.


Aye, hence my anti-materialism tests that I get flamed for every now and then 



> I've been a self-supporting partner/wife three times when it was time to walk and suspected it wasn't love but one of the above, just took my stuff and walked. Being of nomadic heritage has its advantages, it's in the genetics to just move on when necessary, isn't it, with not too much baggage and as much wealth as can be carried in the bank account and intellect, and the kids of course, as much as possible.


Well, I've been a nomad most of my life, though baby bells have settled me, not to mention a sedentary Australian (ex) wife >.<

Now I'm stuck


----------



## ihatethis

Are there any good online dating sites? I've never used one, and I'm curious. I dabbled into POF, which, as I'm sure everyone knows, is just one hot mess of mostly not good people, lol.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Aye, hence my anti-materialism tests that I get flamed for every now and then
> 
> Well, I've been a nomad most of my life, though baby bells have settled me, not to mention a sedentary Australian (ex) wife >.<
> 
> Now I'm stuck


I'm the same way. I get so much interest just on account of where I live, and when I explain about my apartment and no real estate and my camping gear and distaste of hotels a good number of men disappear. Rightly so!

Yes, my two kids have settled me down. Every once in a while I escape, but I have to live within an hour or so of their dad for the time being, until something changes, life is full of surprises isn't it? 

It s*cks that my work can be done from anywhere, but my parenting needs to be done in a radius, which is halved by the mere fact of the Atlantic Ocean.

Mongolia has worsened since I left last year. 
Pollution, accidents (due to safety and construction, etc.) crime and lack of food and water will level things out. People will go back to the countryside or not. If they don't they'll either starve or they'll be an uprising against the government, some other country will install a puppet administration and distribute some token goodies and rob the country from underneath. The question is, who and when...my bets are on a joint venture...Dubai and China. But you never know, Dubai and US interests may make fine bedfellows for that sort of undertaking.
Have seen various clues here and there, one of my trips to the countryside was interesting...


----------



## RandomDude

@I hate this 

OFFLINE is where the action is mate!

But if you really need to, then Meetup.com, tis free! And only semi-online because you'll be meeting people OFFLINE in meetups!


----------



## ihatethis

@Meh. 

Offline would be ideal, but where do you go meet people? I don't want to meet people at the bar scene, that is for sure. I will have to check out meetup.com

Ugh this day is taking for-ev-er!


----------



## Another Planet

What to Do When People in Your Life Don’t Want to Change


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm the same way. I get so much interest just on account of where I live, and when I explain about my apartment and no real estate and my camping gear and distaste of hotels a good number of men disappear. Rightly so!
> 
> Yes, my two kids have settled me down. Every once in a while I escape, but I have to live within an hour or so of their dad for the time being, until something changes, life is full of surprises isn't it?
> 
> It s*cks that my work can be done from anywhere, but my parenting needs to be done in a radius, which is halved by the mere fact of the Atlantic Ocean.


Aye, ex and I co-parent too and tis an agreement. Not to mention my business is fixed in this city, a business developed for the sole purpose of providing for my family. It's not like when I was younger when I can take my trade anywhere anymore. I'm my own jailor 

Or it could be this:









Oh well, at least my cell has my daughter in it! 



> Mongolia has worsened since I left last year.
> Pollution, accidents (due to safety and construction, etc.) crime and lack of food and water will level things out. People will go back to the countryside or not. If they don't they'll either starve or they'll be an uprising against the government, some other country will install a puppet administration and distribute some token goodies and rob the country from underneath. The question is, who and when...my bets are on a joint venture...Dubai and China. But you never know, Dubai and US interests may make fine bedfellows for that sort of undertaking.
> Have seen various clues here and there, one of my trips to the countryside was interesting...


Just have to wait for the current population to grow up IMO. They'll be fine, they're brethren after all. Besides, our people have been through worse, much worse.


----------



## RandomDude

ihatethis said:


> @Meh.
> 
> Offline would be ideal, but where do you go meet people? I don't want to meet people at the bar scene, that is for sure. I will have to check out meetup.com
> 
> Ugh this day is taking for-ev-er!


ANYWHERE! Just put yourself out there, spot someone your type, begin a conversation by mistaking her for someone else, break the ice, get her number, and carry on your day.

But if that's too forward for you, meetup.com is great as you can use it to simply mingle with like-minded groups of people. Then you can spot someone your type, begin a conversation the natural way (cause EVERYONE there is there to meet people!) and etc etc!

Personally though I've been using the "Oh! I thought you were someone else" line waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too often but FK IT - it works!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> What to Do When People in Your Life Don’t Want to Change


Good article Another.. . I like tiny buddha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

hahahahaha. I hate it when I get mistaken for someone else. I'm always thinking, oh gee, there's someone out there that he should know well enough to recognize definitively, but doesn't. Then if he pursues me I'm thinking, well, what about the someone else...I guess a proxy will do, must be the resemblance, and not me in particular. Sigh.


----------



## caladan

ihatethis said:


> Are there any good online dating sites? I've never used one, and I'm curious. I dabbled into POF, which, as I'm sure everyone knows, is just one hot mess of mostly not good people, lol.


I use *******. It worked last time, and this is my second time around.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> hahahahaha. I hate it when I get mistaken for someone else. I'm always thinking, oh gee, there's someone out there that he should know well enough to recognize definitively, but doesn't. Then if he pursues me I'm thinking, well, what about the someone else...I guess a proxy will do, must be the resemblance, and not me in particular. Sigh.


Lol really? It's not like I see her face to face closeup, then walk a round, and then mistake her for someone else lol
I've been getting away with it 

Other times I 'hotspot', mention a compliment / something she's wearing / way she's done her hair. Have to be careful with this one though! Tis just introduction/approaching skills - learnt them all back in direct marketing back in the day when I was much younger.

Still remember the first time I realised my skills could be applied romantically instead of professionally, I stopped a gorgeous lady dead on her tracks, hotspotted, had a five minute conversation, she was fluttering, playing with her hair... was no surprise that she was disappointed that I was trying to sell her something instead of asking for her number!

Heh good times - no I don't want your phone number I want your CC number


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> @I hate this
> 
> OFFLINE is where the action is mate!
> 
> But if you really need to, then Meetup.com, tis free! And only semi-online because you'll be meeting people OFFLINE in meetups![/QUOTE
> 
> Yeah I.d agree. This online stuffs starting to look like a croc of,for my area anyway.
> trying to find someone on there looks wise u would normally go for is hopeless l.m starting to think.
> mines got noone l.d go for.
> thing is they seem to do
> professional pics or something bc when u rock up they don.t usually look anything like it.
> or they just use home pics and just aren.t much to look at.
> l.m beginning to think it.s a waste of time for me bc l spend all this time and then meet them and it.s a letdown.
> maybe for an area that had more better looking women it might be ok.
> 
> Personally if I had more of a social life l.d take old school any day myself.
> l.ve met some very nice girls but as soon as l see them in meeting it.s just that straight of it.s like oh ... fk. Sorry but u are nothing like my type.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

It IS a croc of shat

Regardless I found photos a bad way to go around it generally, as I did date a very pretty but non-photogenic woman earlier and was like "WTF? Tis not you!"


----------



## Fenix

ihatethis said:


> @Meh.
> 
> Offline would be ideal, but where do you go meet people? I don't want to meet people at the bar scene, that is for sure. I will have to check out meetup.com
> 
> Ugh this day is taking for-ev-er!


Well, I had very good luck on match. IMO, it was painless and fun. Each date I had was a decent to good experience with no real war stories. Most were friendzoned, until one wasn't and I am still seeing him.

Meet up is great too, depending on where you live. In urban areas, it can rock. I have met lots of nice, fun people of both genders, plus gotten to try/explore many new areas and things. It is not all about meeting up in bars, though a nice splash of that is good too. 

eta: my only advice re the online dating is to stay away from the guys that are trying too hard, mention their mother in their profile and skip anyone with a shirtless or OTT macho pic.


----------



## Jellybeans

The saga, continued:

Dude apologized to me and said he was "frustrated" (when I had reiterated I did not want to date him) and said of course we could be friends. Then he later texted me saying how from now on he'd only contact me about things online (we have some mutual interest groups) and send me the occasional text which I replied was fine and told him I didn't want him getting the wrong impression (read: I do not want to date him). Then he messages me a bunch saying how he has to maintain his dignity and how he is not going to be my "lapdog" and I asked him WTF he was talking about and he said he was joking. I didn't respond and he started messaging me a ton--asking me questions, saying jokes and when I finally responded he sent me about 10-12 pics of the place we last hung out/out last outing and asked me "What are you up to?" and I didn't respond cause because he just seemed all over the place.


----------



## RandomDude

Fenix said:


> Well, I had very good luck on match. IMO, it was painless and fun. Each date I had was a decent to good experience with no real war stories. Most were friendzoned, until one wasn't and I am still seeing him.
> 
> Meet up is great too, depending on where you live. In urban areas, it can rock. I have met lots of nice, fun people of both genders, plus gotten to try/explore many new areas and things. It is not all about meeting up in bars, though a nice splash of that is good too.
> 
> eta: my only advice re the online dating is to stay away from the guys that are trying to hard, *mention their mother in their profile* and skip anyone with a shirtless or OTT macho pic.


Really? You get that? lol


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> The saga, continued:
> 
> Dude apologized to me and said he was "frustrated" (when I had reiterated I did not want to date him) and said of course we could be friends. Then he later texted me saying how from now on he'd only contact me about things online (we have some mutual interest groups) and send me the occasional text which I replied was fine and told him I didn't want him getting the wrong impression (read: I do not want to date him). Then he messages me a bunch saying how he has to maintain his dignity and how he is not going to be my "lapdog" and I asked him WTF he was talking about and he said he was joking. I didn't respond and he started messaging me a ton--asking me questions, saying jokes and when I finally responded he sent me about 10-12 pics of the place we last hung out/out last outing and asked me "What are you up to?" and I didn't respond cause because he just seemed all over the place.


Looks like you've rocked his socks and he can't let you go lol

Poor dude


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> The saga, continued:
> 
> Dude apologized to me and said he was "frustrated" (when I had reiterated I did not want to date him) and said of course we could be friends. Then he later texted me saying how from now on he'd only contact me about things online (we have some mutual interest groups) and send me the occasional text which I replied was fine and told him I didn't want him getting the wrong impression (read: I do not want to date him). Then he messages me a bunch saying how he has to maintain his dignity and how he is not going to be my "lapdog" and I asked him WTF he was talking about and he said he was joking. I didn't respond and he started messaging me a ton--asking me questions, saying jokes and when I finally responded he sent me about 10-12 pics of the place we last hung out/out last outing and asked me "What are you up to?" and I didn't respond cause because he just seemed all over the place.



That gut sounds very unstable, be careful Jelly!! Something is definitely not right with him.


----------



## muskrat

I don't think he is friend material. For your own safety and sanity I think you are better off just cutting him from your life.


----------



## RandomDude

And tis why one should endeavour to be more like RD!

Ex: I want a divorce!
Me: Yokay! *Prints form*
Ex: O.O

Dates: I'm not ready
Me: Yokay! *Rams someone else*
Dates: O.O


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> The saga, continued:
> 
> Dude apologized to me and said he was "frustrated" (when I had reiterated I did not want to date him) and said of course we could be friends. Then he later texted me saying how from now on he'd only contact me about things online (we have some mutual interest groups) and send me the occasional text which I replied was fine and told him I didn't want him getting the wrong impression (read: I do not want to date him). Then he messages me a bunch saying how he has to maintain his dignity and how he is not going to be my "lapdog" and I asked him WTF he was talking about and he said he was joking. I didn't respond and he started messaging me a ton--asking me questions, saying jokes and when I finally responded he sent me about 10-12 pics of the place we last hung out/out last outing and asked me "What are you up to?" and I didn't respond cause because he just seemed all over the place.


I've been away from this thread for a while but this is the same guy?

Jelly, aren't you the one who had social media guy hanging around as well?


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I don't think he is friend material. For your own safety and sanity I think you are better off just cutting him from your life.





06Daddio08 said:


> Jelly, aren't you the one who had social media guy hanging around as well?




Like I said, there is NEVER an in between with me! 



RandomDude said:


> And tis why one should endeavour to be more like RD!
> 
> Ex: I want a divorce!
> Me: Yokay! *Prints form*
> Ex: O.O
> 
> Dates: I'm not ready
> Me: Yokay! *Rams someone else*
> Dates: O.O


:rofl: I am like this, too, RD. If someone tells me they aren't interested, I disappear into the sunset, never to be heard from again. I don't keep insisting or trying to convince someone.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Why do you stay in contact with him?


----------



## Jellybeans

I have not responded to this guy's last messages.


----------



## ihatethis

Jellybeans said:


> You know. I will be honest with you guys. I had a moment of feeling very unsteady after the last exchange. Which is why I did not respond to him. He essentially got pouty with me when I said I wasn't interested; then he apologized which was cool; then he said he wanted minimal contact; then he started hitting me up a bunch; then he started saying he wasn't going to be my "lapdog" then he sent me a nice message; then he starting asking me questions and sending me a ton of pics. That just seems odd. I mean, I get that he feels rejected but it's too much.


Yeah, he seems like one of those guys that tries hard to convince the lady she should be with him. And the way you explain what he does, he is starting to sound like a stalker a bit. I would just cut all ties with him, seems like he is the type of guy who needs that.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> It was just weird. I hadn't talked to her in 2 or 3 months. When her name showed up on my phone I had to think for a minute about who it was. I had sent the last message, when she never responded I moved on. I guess it pays not to chase. :rofl:


Have you heard from her again? 

Did you put up your hiking pics on the profile?


----------



## ihatethis

Ok, so I'd kindly like some advice from you all...

I started talking to this guy on POF, and we messaged back and forth for a bit and then we exchanged phone numbers. We talked and text quite often, and it was going really well. He lives about 1.5 hours from me and so it wasn't easy to meet right away as we were both busy...

Anyway, like I said, we talked quite often. During that time, his best friend was killed in a car accident and he had a really hard time with it. While he was dealing with all of that, I didn't text him much just told him I was there if he needed me, and he was quiet. Then one day he got a hold of me and told me he was ready to get out of that slump and we continued to talk like we did before. We even made plans to go do things, before we had even met because we clicked so well, and had so many things in common.

Then, we set a time to meet. We met up, and it went really well. I did not text him until he text me, and he told me he had a great time. We then continued to talk for 3 days about meeting again and all that.... then, one day, he just quit texting. I haven't tried calling because, that seems a bit stalkerish, lol. I only text him twice, since he stopped, as I do not want to seem pushy. It has been almost 3 weeks since I've heard a peep from him...

I'm fine with not talking now, I just don't get why, and it drives me nuts...

Thoughts?


----------



## Jellybeans

Three weeks is a long time. Who texted last? 
How did the convo end?


----------



## unsure78

ihatethis said:


> Ok, so I'd kindly like some advice from you all...
> 
> I started talking to this guy on POF, and we messaged back and forth for a bit and then we exchanged phone numbers. We talked and text quite often, and it was going really well. He lives about 1.5 hours from me and so it wasn't easy to meet right away as we were both busy...
> 
> Anyway, like I said, we talked quite often. During that time, his best friend was killed in a car accident and he had a really hard time with it. While he was dealing with all of that, I didn't text him much just told him I was there if he needed me, and he was quiet. Then one day he got a hold of me and told me he was ready to get out of that slump and we continued to talk like we did before. We even made plans to go do things, before we had even met because we clicked so well, and had so many things in common.
> 
> Then, we set a time to meet. We met up, and it went really well. I did not text him until he text me, and he told me he had a great time. We then continued to talk for 3 days about meeting again and all that.... then, one day, he just quit texting. I haven't tried calling because, that seems a bit stalkerish, lol. I only text him twice, since he stopped, as I do not want to seem pushy. It has been almost 3 weeks since I've heard a peep from him...
> 
> I'm fine with not talking now, I just don't get why, and it drives me nuts...
> 
> Thoughts?



hes not interested... simple as that..really the reason doesn't matter why (it could be he met someone else, that's hes depressed, he just didn't have "it" for you and he was just being polite)

trust me its not worth the effort of trying to figure out someones reasons (and this taking me a while to learn in dating) just move forward...

actions not words


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ihatethis said:


> Then, we set a time to meet. We met up, and it went really well. I did not text him until he text me, and he told me he had a great time. We then continued to talk for 3 days about meeting again and all that.... then, one day, he just quit texting. I haven't tried calling because, that seems a bit stalkerish, lol. I only text him twice, since he stopped, as I do not want to seem pushy. It has been almost 3 weeks since I've heard a peep from him...
> 
> I'm fine with not talking now, I just don't get why, and it drives me nuts...
> 
> Thoughts?


Ugh, well thats pretty heartbreaking. It would have been way less confusing if he had not kept texting you after the date. Did the tone of the texts change before he disappeared? Or the content of the conversations? I am frustrated for you.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Have you heard from her again?
> 
> Did you put up your hiking pics on the profile?


She texted me again sunday night. We then had a 4 hour phone conversation. It turns out an ex bf wanted to reconnect and she got flustered, that is why she disappeared. Why can't I ever find someone that has their crap together. lol

The pics are up.


----------



## muskrat

ihatethis said:


> Ok, so I'd kindly like some advice from you all...
> 
> I started talking to this guy on POF, and we messaged back and forth for a bit and then we exchanged phone numbers. We talked and text quite often, and it was going really well. He lives about 1.5 hours from me and so it wasn't easy to meet right away as we were both busy...
> 
> Anyway, like I said, we talked quite often. During that time, his best friend was killed in a car accident and he had a really hard time with it. While he was dealing with all of that, I didn't text him much just told him I was there if he needed me, and he was quiet. Then one day he got a hold of me and told me he was ready to get out of that slump and we continued to talk like we did before. We even made plans to go do things, before we had even met because we clicked so well, and had so many things in common.
> 
> Then, we set a time to meet. We met up, and it went really well. I did not text him until he text me, and he told me he had a great time. We then continued to talk for 3 days about meeting again and all that.... then, one day, he just quit texting. I haven't tried calling because, that seems a bit stalkerish, lol. I only text him twice, since he stopped, as I do not want to seem pushy. It has been almost 3 weeks since I've heard a peep from him...
> 
> I'm fine with not talking now, I just don't get why, and it drives me nuts...
> 
> Thoughts?


I agree with what the others have said, he is not interested. Whatever his reason doesn't matter. Just move on, there are plenty of other guys out there.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> She texted me again sunday night. We then had a 4 hour phone conversation. It turns out an ex bf wanted to reconnect and she got flustered, that is why she disappeared. Why can't I ever find someone that has their crap together. lol
> 
> The pics are up.


Four hours! Haha. Marathon talker!  

Yeah, that whole disappearing thing is fvcking annoying. Wouldn't it be so nice if she had just told ya "My ex is back in the pic so I am not ready to pursue anything now" instead of the GREAT MAGIC act of disappearing? GRRR. 

Eventhough it sucks, I think it's nice she explained what happened (finally). So, you gonna go out with her again?


----------



## ihatethis

Jellybeans said:


> Three weeks is a long time. Who texted last?
> How did the convo end?


We were talking about softball, because we both play, and that was it. I sent the last message when I hadn't heard from him, and I said "R u ok?"

I don't want to talk to someone who is flaky like that, but, I'm just interested in knowing the reason, lol.


----------



## muskrat

So now I have a problem. The new girl has her issues, but she did make me realize for sure what I already thought. That is that I just don't feel it for the german lady. The problem is she is infatuated. I haven't talked to her on the phone in 10 days. We do text daily, but I have kept my texts very short and formal. I just don't think it is right to dump someone through text and I don't want to ghost her. I guess I will have to make it a point to actually have a phone conversation. This is the crap I hate. I know most people hate this also, that is why ghosting is so popular. People love to avoid the unpleasant conversation.


----------



## muskrat

ihatethis said:


> We were talking about softball, because we both play, and that was it. I sent the last message when I hadn't heard from him, and I said "R u ok?"
> 
> I don't want to talk to someone who is flaky like that, but, I'm just interested in knowing the reason, lol.


You have to just let it go. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why people do the things they do.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Four hours! Haha. Marathon talker!
> 
> Yeah, that whole disappearing thing is fvcking annoying. Wouldn't it be so nice if she had just told ya "My ex is back in the pic so I am not ready to pursue anything now" instead of the GREAT MAGIC act of disappearing? GRRR.
> 
> Eventhough it sucks, I think it's nice she explained what happened (finally). So, you gonna go out with her again?



I actually have never met her. :rofl: We talked about meeting, I don't know what will happen though.


----------



## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> hes not interested... simple as that..really the reason doesn't matter why (it could be he met someone else, that's hes depressed, he just didn't have "it" for you and he was just being polite)
> 
> trust me its not worth the effort of trying to figure out someones reasons (and this taking me a while to learn in dating) just move forward...
> 
> actions not words


:iagree:

The boys I was dating (yes boys, not men) did the same crap. Weeks without contact or 3 weeks to a month before the next "date". 

Unsure is so right - they are not interested. 

I have had guys who are interested in me and trust me, they don't go weeks and weeks without wanting to spend time with someone they are interested in.


----------



## ihatethis

Yeah, and I have learned that I am not interested in him either since he disappeared like that. After we met, the conversation didn't change from how it was before.

Moving on....


----------



## Jellybeans

ihatethis said:


> I sent the last message when I hadn't heard from him, and I said "R u ok?"
> 
> I don't want to talk to someone who is flaky like that, but, I'm just interested in knowing the reason, lol.


Ok. If he never responded to that and he hasn't reached out since, he is not interested (which I was going to say initially but was waiting for more info). So you made the last contact and he iced you. It sucks but it happens. I know you want to know why. We all want to know why when someone disappears. Thing is, you may never know. All you can do is work with the knowledge you do have that he wasn't interested enough to even follow back up with you or respond.  I'm sorry.



muskrat said:


> So now I have a problem. The new girl has her issues, but she did make me realize for sure what I already thought. That is that I just don't feel it for the german lady. The problem is she is infatuated.


Oh, hi, Me. 



muskrat said:


> I just don't think it is right to dump someone through text and I don't want to ghost her. I guess I will have to make it a point to actually have a phone conversation. This is the crap I hate. I know most people hate this also, that is why ghosting is so popular. People love to avoid the unpleasant conversation.


Rip it off like a bandaid! The sooner, the better. How many dates you been on? I don't actually remember the german lady? Do you usually talk on the phone?


----------



## Jellybeans

ihatethis said:


> Yeah, and I have learned that I am not interested in him either since he disappeared like that.
> 
> Moving on....


:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> So now I have a problem. The new girl has her issues, but she did make me realize for sure what I already thought. That is that I just don't feel it for the german lady. The problem is she is infatuated. I haven't talked to her on the phone in 10 days. *We do text daily, but I have kept my texts very short and formal. I just don't think it is right to dump someone through text *and I don't want to ghost her. I guess I will have to make it a point to actually have a phone conversation. This is the crap I hate. I know most people hate this also, that is why ghosting is so popular. People love to avoid the unpleasant conversation.


This is my problem, and the guy I want to dump never wants to get together so I may be forced to do it over text.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Rip it off like a bandaid! The sooner, the better. How many dates you been on? I don't actually remember the german lady? Do you usually talk on the phone?


We have been out 5 times. We don't talk on the phone often and not at all for 10 days. She asked me to go do something last weekend and I turned her down (took my kids camping instead). I thought she was getting frustrated and going to dump me :smthumbup: But then last night she sent me a text goodnight and said she missed hugging me.  I responded with a simple goodnight.


On another note, if any of you ladies get a chance, I put new pics in my album here. Do you think these are good pics for a dating profile?


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> On another note, if any of you ladies get a chance, I put new pics in my album here. Do you think these are good pics for a dating profile?


Love them, it shows you doing an activity you enjoy, you have a full body shot and you are SMILING!!!!

:smthumbup:

Def use them


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> This is my problem, and the guy I want to dump never wants to get together so I may be forced to do it over text.


Well if he never wants to get together, I can't imagine another way you could do it other than by text or phone conversation.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> We have been out 5 times. We don't talk on the phone often and not at all for 10 days. She asked me to go do something last weekend and I turned her down (took my kids camping instead). I thought she was getting frustrated and going to dump me :smthumbup: But then last night she sent me a text goodnight and said she missed hugging me.  I responded with a simple goodnight.


I would just be up front with her and tell her "I think you are great but don't feel we are a match. I rather be honest with you than not." 

She will appreciate that.


----------



## ne9907

ihatethis said:


> Ok, so I'd kindly like some advice from you all...
> 
> I started talking to this guy on POF, and we messaged back and forth for a bit and then we exchanged phone numbers. We talked and text quite often, and it was going really well. He lives about 1.5 hours from me and so it wasn't easy to meet right away as we were both busy...
> 
> Anyway, like I said, we talked quite often. During that time, his best friend was killed in a car accident and he had a really hard time with it. While he was dealing with all of that, I didn't text him much just told him I was there if he needed me, and he was quiet. Then one day he got a hold of me and told me he was ready to get out of that slump and we continued to talk like we did before. We even made plans to go do things, before we had even met because we clicked so well, and had so many things in common.
> 
> Then, we set a time to meet. We met up, and it went really well. I did not text him until he text me, and he told me he had a great time. We then continued to talk for 3 days about meeting again and all that.... then, one day, he just quit texting. I haven't tried calling because, that seems a bit stalkerish, lol. I only text him twice, since he stopped, as I do not want to seem pushy. It has been almost 3 weeks since I've heard a peep from him...
> 
> I'm fine with not talking now, I just don't get why, and it drives me nuts...
> 
> Thoughts?


I am sorry, yes, I agree with the others
He is not interested

If it makes you feel better, send him a scolding text, fvck!!! I would! That bridge has burned, and you cannot cross it anymore!


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> If it makes you feel better, send him a scolding text, fvck!!! I would! That bridge has burned, and you cannot cross it anymore!


Why start drama?


----------



## ihatethis

vi_bride04 said:


> Why start drama?


Yeah, I'm not that person... I would never be like that.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> The boys I was dating (yes boys, not men) did the same crap. Weeks without contact or 3 weeks to a month before the next "date".
> 
> Unsure is so right - they are not interested.
> 
> I have had guys who are interested in me and trust me, they don't go weeks and weeks without wanting to spend time with someone they are interested in.


My gf and I are most certainly interested in each other. But we don't always see or talk to each other. We happen to send each other a text just about every day but sometimes we go well past a week between seeing each other. Being preoccupied, or not available hourly/daily or whatever schedule you assign does not equate to disinterest. But it does show that they are not interested in spending every single second attached to someone brand new (and I always thought this was a prime example of neediness)


----------



## vi_bride04

Lon said:


> My gf and I are most certainly interested in each other. But we don't always see or talk to each other. We happen to send each other a text just about every day but sometimes we go well past a week between seeing each other. Being preoccupied, or not available hourly/daily or whatever schedule you assign does not equate to disinterest. But it does show that they are not interested in spending every single second attached to someone brand new (and I always thought this was a prime example of neediness)


3 weeks to a month in between dates when neither has kids is a little excessive in the not seeing each other dept timeframe, IMO.

Once a week or once every other would be great. I'm not a clinger, not looking for a clinger, but really, a month is too excessive in my book if someone is really interested in me.

I also understand schedules not lining up. Totally understand that as my summer is pretty booked already with friends. But to get stood up/blown off when the other person supposedly has no other plans going on...well...just makes me think they aren't interested! Especially when it happens multiple times


----------



## muskrat

If I am "dating" someone I would like to see them once or twice a week.


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm assuming you guys are already established, Lon, hence the term "girlfriend?" 

In the beginning, going weeks w/o contacting someone just shows the person isn't that into the other person. That's the difference.

I don't see it as neediness to want the person you first start seeing to show interest and reciprocate it. If I go out with a guy a few times and he only contacts me say once every four weeks, I realize he's prob not that into me. Plus I don't want to date someone who can only be bothered to text me once ever 3 to 4 weeks (once a month). Hard to get to know someone like that and start up anything.

Neediness is reflected in the ones who text a million times a day, who want to spend every waking second with someone, who give up their entire life for the person they just met.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> 3 weeks to a month in between dates when neither has kids is a little excessive in the not seeing each other dept timeframe, IMO.
> 
> Once a week or once every other would be great. I'm not a clinger, not looking for a clinger, but really, a month is too excessive in my book if someone is really interested in me.
> 
> I also understand schedules not lining up. Totally understand that as my summer is pretty booked already with friends. But to get stood up/blown off when the other person supposedly has no other plans going on...well...just makes me think they aren't interested! Especially when it happens multiple times


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I wouldn't be into that either, Vi.

Also, it literally takes seconds to text someone. Someone who feels it's too much of a bother to text me but once every few weeks...it's not someone I want to invest a lot of time in emotionally. That's FWB behavior; not someone I'd seriously want to date.


----------



## vi_bride04

Whats even better than that, is when calling the person out on not spending time together or getting blown off is when they turn it around on YOU for not getting together!!! Even though you have suggested activities to do together but just get denied every time. 

I need to take the hint, huh? lol


----------



## Lon

muskrat said:


> If I am "dating" someone I would like to see them once or twice a week.


If I'm dating someone (and I am) I'd like to see them every day (with a possible break for some alone time once or twice a week). But it is not always possible for that.



Jellybeans said:


> I'm assuming you guys are already established, Lon, hence the term "girlfriend?"
> 
> In the beginning, going weeks w/o contacting someone just shows the person isn't that into the other person. That's the difference.
> 
> I don't see it as neediness to want the person you first start seeing to show interest and reciprocate it. If I go out with a guy a few times and he only contacts me say once every four weeks, I realize he's prob not that into me. Plus I don't want to date someone who can only be bothered to text me once ever 3 to 4 weeks (once a month). Hard to get to know someone like that and start up anything.
> 
> Neediness is reflected in the ones who text a million times a day, who want to spend every waking second with someone, who give up their entire life for the person they just met.


In the beginning of my current relationship, neither myself nor my GF was really all that physically available. We were completely interested in each other, but we were also interested in other things in our lives (and I don't mean dating other people). We would go nearly 2 weeks without seeing each other sometimes, but then we would have times that we could make up for the missing time by spending 4 or 5 days straight together. As time has progressed we've found ways to see each other a little more regularly and frequently. Early on she seemed to feel that our lack of frequent dates felt like disinterest, but then she wasn't able to make herself freely available for my schedule either.

If you both have full time jobs, homes that require any kind of upkeep, kids or other dependencies that necessitate your full attention, and don't live on the same block, then the idea of seeing each other multiple times a week is not feasible for most people.

When you were a teenager, you didn't have most of these distractions from pursuing relationships. But not being able to master the struggles of life is no indication of disinterest in someone.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Whats even better than that, is when calling the person out on not spending time together or getting blown off is when they turn it around on YOU for not getting together!!! Even though you have suggested activities to do together but just get denied every time.
> 
> I need to take the hint, huh? lol


UGH. In that case, I'd just move on, Vi. Seriously, folks are so annoying.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> UGH. In that case, I'd just move on, Vi. Seriously, folks are so annoying.


Its my fault for not believing people when they show me who they are. I give chance after chance for some reason. Def more for me to work on.


----------



## Lon

vi_bride04 said:


> 3 weeks to a month in between dates when neither has kids is a little excessive in the not seeing each other dept timeframe, IMO.
> 
> Once a week or once every other would be great. I'm not a clinger, not looking for a clinger, but really, a month is too excessive in my book if someone is really interested in me.
> 
> I also understand schedules not lining up. Totally understand that as my summer is pretty booked already with friends. *But to get stood up/blown off when the other person supposedly has no other plans going on...well...just makes me think they aren't interested!* Especially when it happens multiple times


Well to me, the timeframe part is completely subjective. And I also think that sometimes planning to do nothing is different than having no plans... However the bolded part (being stood up/blown off) is most certainly a sign of disinterest.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> In the beginning of my current relationship, neither myself nor my GF was really all that physically available. We were completely interested in each other, but we were also interested in other things in our lives (and I don't mean dating other people). We would go nearly 2 weeks without seeing each other sometimes, but then we would have times that we could make up for the missing time by spending 4 or 5 days straight together.


But you weren't going a month or 3 or 4 weeks without reaching out to each other, right? 

That is the huge difference.



Lon said:


> If you both have full time jobs, homes that require any kind of upkeep, kids or other dependencies that necessitate your full attention, and don't live on the same block, then the idea of seeing each other multiple times a week is not feasible for most people.


I totally agree but with that said, if someone can't even bother to send a Hello text...for weeks at at time...that isn't someone I want to date.

It isn't neediness to want someone you're dating to at least say hi...more than once a month.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Its my fault for not believing people when they show me who they are. I give chance after chance for some reason. Def more for me to work on.


We are all guilty of this. Sometimes you just gotta pull a "ADIOS, AMIGO" quickly once they show that lackadaisical attitude. Saves a lot of future frustration.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> But you weren't going a month or 3 or 4 weeks without reaching out to each other, right?
> 
> That is the huge difference.
> 
> 
> 
> I totally agree but with that said, if someone can't even bother to send a Hello text...for weeks at at time...that isn't someone I want to date.
> 
> It isn't neediness to want someone you're dating to at least say hi...more than once a month.


I agree it is an extreme, but my point is it may work for some people. If it doesn't work for you then that is completely acceptable, just don't label it as disinterest in each other when it is simply just incompatible ideas of dating communication frequency.


----------



## poppyseed

You never know. Someone may already have a committed relationship and he/or she's dating just on the side and does not have the need for more regular meets. Or he's or she's not looking for anything serious e.g. a committed relationship. People date different / multiple people casually or just for social reasons of going out on Saturday without settling on anyone specific. If someone is not meeting your needs then it would be better to date someone else.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> If I am "dating" someone I would like to see them once or twice a week.


At LEAST once or twice a week, I usually prefer more often than that. 



vi_bride04 said:


> Its my fault for not believing people when they show me who they are. I give chance after chance for some reason. Def more for me to work on.


YEP. ME TOO!!


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> At LEAST once or twice a week, I usually prefer more often than that.




That is in the beginning. Once a relationship starts to build I would want more. Especially if it got to the point of meeting each others children and families. At that point I agree with Lon, I would like almost every day. Of course you need a day for alone time once in a while.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Whats even better than that, is when calling the person out on not spending time together or getting blown off is when they turn it around on YOU for not getting together!!! Even though you have suggested activities to do together but just get denied every time.
> 
> I need to take the hint, huh? lol


Fvck that Vi, total no go  you are better off alone then get that kind of crap from someone. 

Some of the stuff you guys have to go through I feel really bad for you. You do not ever have to sacrifice yourself for a relationship EVER! That is the exact opposite of a relationship, the person you are with should appreciate you for who you are. 
Be yourself and you will find that person that suits you.


----------



## Another Planet

And on the topic of neediness I think that is also a personal "need", everyone has different levels of neediness and if you can't give or don't receive enough attention to/from the other person then you probably are not right for each other.
Just like HD and LD people will not match up well together.


----------



## caladan

Lon said:


> I agree it is an extreme, but my point is it may work for some people. If it doesn't work for you then that is completely acceptable, just don't label it as disinterest in each other when it is simply just incompatible ideas of dating communication frequency.


True. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't communicate much though. I'm too much of a touchie-feelie-textie-emailie person.


----------



## familyfirst09

Been a while, just checking in. I'm still doing the online dating thing, it's really not that bad. I still get tons of email but just don't respond. Had a 20 year old pretend to be 33, lol that was a hoot. I have a date tonight with a guy I've been chatting with, seems quite decent and he lives close by, I'm looking forward to it  crazy IT guy I was seeing for a bit is now freaking out and calling me and texting me constantly when I told him I was dating other people. Heh, sometimes you don't know what you got til you fvck it up and it walks away 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

poppyseed said:


> You never know. *Someone may already have a committed relationship* and he/or she's dating just on the side and does not have the need for more regular meets.


In which case I would definitely not want to be involved with them. Hopefully they have told the person they are dating they're in a "committed relationship" and only want a side thing because otherwise, horrible.


----------



## Garry2012

I read a few posts on here that talk about dumping etc. My experience seems to be that the woman simply stops talking...or more specifically..when i notice that its me doing all the initiating, taking interest and trying to converse...to me..its over. If she doesnt ever initiate or ask questions to ACTUALLY have a conversation..its over. I give them a couple times..and when it feels like they are just answering my questions and not making any attempt to communicate...done. Anyone else have this experience?


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Really? You get that? lol


They use it like it really is an endorsement!


----------



## RandomDude

Fenix said:


> They use it like it really is an endorsement!


Lol!

I don't get it, do you have an example? I wonder how one would conclude that talking about one's mother in their dating profile would up their chances!


----------



## poppyseed

Jellybeans said:


> In which case I would definitely not want to be involved with them. Hopefully they have told the person they are dating they're in a "committed relationship" and only want a side thing because otherwise, horrible.


Yes. Truth is that some of these men / or women in dating scenes are married and still date other women / or men.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Interesting little update on Farmer John. Apparently on Sunday he texted our mutual friend and asked her my last name. Which is fine... Though he could've just asked me himself. Found that out today. He's been texting me every morning to say good morning, texts me at about 5:00 pm everyday to see how my day was, texts at night to see how my night has been and to say goodnight... Ugh. It's sweet but it's major overkill for me. Then today our mutual friend tells me she received a phone call from Farmer John's ex-gf, who I know as an acquaintance as well. Keep in mind this girl dumped him. Apparently Farmer John texted his ex-gf (guess they still talk as friends), and told her we're dating. That's why he asked our mutual friend for my last name, so he could tell his ex who I was. He knows I'm acquaintances with his ex because we discussed her the first time we met. 

Major drama and I haven't even gone out on an actual date with him yet. The clinginess coupled with telling people we're "dating" is not cool. 

Next.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

SoVery --- He sounds like he's more interested in making his ex jealous than actually connecting. That is a lot of drama.

I was talking to a guy recently who texted me in the morning to say hi and then In the evenings. I thought it was sweet. Then, one day, he texted me in the morning (I'd been at work for three hours already) and I didn't reply because I hadn't seen my phone yet. In the evening, he's all "should I just delete your number"? I was taken aback because it seemed too intense too quickly. I guess we have different paces for communication. Some people seem to need constant communication and jump to conclusions without it. The simple fact was that I happen to work a heck of a lot. We hadn't met yet and he hadn't even asked to call me, so it was weird. I think we just wanted different things. I guess the guy you were talking to had a reason for fast tracking the dating process like that. Weird!


----------



## SoVeryLost

moxy - my thoughts exactly, though I know he's seen other girls since they parted ways. And his ex has definitely dated around too. I assumed they'd both be over trying to stir up jealousy in the other, but apparently not. Very strange. 

And I know what you mean about the communication thing. Some people need constant attention, others not so much. I think you have to be a pretty good fit in that aspect or it'll just lead to unintentional hurt feelings. Thankfully I wasn't very into him anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Better let him know you guys are breaking up.


----------



## SoVeryLost

06Daddio08 said:


> Better let him know you guys are breaking up.


Haha, yeah.  I'm not good at that part...I don't know how to cancel on the date he had planned in a few weeks. He went to a lot of trouble. Do I still go and do it afterwards? Or just tell him I'll go but as friends? Or just tell him it's not going to work? 

I give bad news to people on a daily basis at work and have no problem doing so. But when it comes to personal stuff? Ugh. Have no balls. So to speak. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SoVeryLost said:


> Haha, yeah.  I'm not good at that part...I don't know how to cancel on the date he had planned in a few weeks. He went to a lot of trouble. Do I still go and do it afterwards? Or just tell him I'll go but as friends? Or just tell him it's not going to work?
> 
> I give bad news to people on a daily basis at work and have no problem doing so. But when it comes to personal stuff? Ugh. Have no balls. So to speak.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You could just tell him: I changed my mind about our date and I want to tell you now so that you'd have time to make other plans. (Then just don't make another date with him. If he asks for a reason tell him you don't think you'd get along very well after all. If he presses for further reasons tell him the truth - you don't owe him an explanation, you haven't even dated!)

Surely you don't want to go out on the date with him just to be 'nice'? That's just going to lead to trouble. Or you could have one of those hilarious dates like I've had, where the guy just steps all over your boundaries and you've wasted some hours of your free time and the best you can do is come here to laugh about it?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



SoVeryLost said:


> Haha, yeah.  I'm not good at that part...I don't know how to cancel on the date he had planned in a few weeks. He went to a lot of trouble. Do I still go and do it afterwards? Or just tell him I'll go but as friends? Or just tell him it's not going to work?
> 
> I give bad news to people on a daily basis at work and have no problem doing so. But when it comes to personal stuff? Ugh. Have no balls. So to speak.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Glad to hear you lack male genitals! Your self preservation and information you found out trumps the "effort" he put in.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Homemaker - I have several mutual friends who are going to the event he invited me to as his date, so we've all made plans to go together and even dress similarly. So I know it would be fun regardless. Now it would be awkward to explain to everyone. I dunno. Not sure what to do yet. Why do I get myself into these things?? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



SoVeryLost said:


> Homemaker - I have several mutual friends who are going to the event he invited me to as his date, so we've all made plans to go together and even dress similarly. So I know it would be fun regardless. Now it would be awkward to explain to everyone. I dunno. Not sure what to do yet. Why do I get myself into these things??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hold onto your cowgirl boots, who said anything about you having to explain? You tell him that while you appreciated the gesture, you've changed your mind and don't want to go on a date. That includes the "activities" he planned.

If he or anyone else tries to give you a hard time, remove yourself from the situation entirely. They can't handle it? Tough.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SoVeryLost said:


> Homemaker - I have several mutual friends who are going to the event he invited me to as his date, so we've all made plans to go together and even dress similarly. So I know it would be fun regardless. Now it would be awkward to explain to everyone. I dunno. Not sure what to do yet. Why do I get myself into these things??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In that case, you can do even better to break the date. You can break the date and you can say you're going with your friends and you'll see him there. If he hovers and stalks you, tell him to go mingle so that people don't get the impression you're on a date. Your friends will be there to get your back, so no worries. If he persists, do what my daughter says to the annoying stalker boys at school: GET AWAY FROM ME ALREADY! If he's hovering near you after you asked him politely to go mingle, he'll deserve that, and it will be warranted. You'll have all the answers you need about whether you should have dated him or not, too.

You can't spend your life hiding just because you broke a date with someone. It's fair play. Not like it's tomorrow or tonight...but even so you could still break it and it would be fair play, just reflect not so nicely on you.


----------



## unsure78

ummm yea haven't even been on a date yet and telling people your dating.... yea no... as you said already svl...next

if you want to still keep the date cause it will be fun then go and tell him the next day you dont think you are a match... or tell him that now...all you have to say is you dont think you are a match or just want to be friends... like the others said you dont need to tell him why
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> ummm yea haven't even been on a date yet and telling people your dating.... yea no... as you said already svl...next
> 
> *if you want to still keep the date cause it will be fun then go and tell him the next day you dont think you are a match.*.. or tell him that now...all you have to say is you dont think you are a match or just want to be friends... like the others said you dont need to tell him why
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I honestly cannot believe you just advised her to string someone along just so she could take advantage of him ...


----------



## Jellybeans

SVL-Farmer John wants to make his ex jealous it seems.

Haven't been on a date when he's telling everyone you are dating? That would weird me out. A lot.

I say since you are already not into it, don't go. Because it will only be more awkward... imagine going, having to mingle with his friends and then telling him you aren't into it. Eek.


----------



## SoVeryLost

I didn't mean I was worried about explaining to him why I didn't want to go.... I meant having to explain to my friends. Just feels so high school. I've made a mess of this. I'm just going to be honest about it and get it over with. That way he'll have plenty of time to find someone who actually wants to be there with him in that capacity. He deserves that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SoVeryLost said:


> I didn't mean I was worried about explaining to him why I didn't want to go.... I meant having to explain to my friends. Just feels so high school. I've made a mess of this. I'm just going to be honest about it and get it over with. That way he'll have plenty of time to find someone who actually wants to be there with him in that capacity. He deserves that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He deserves nothing after getting your last name from a third party and telling people you're dating. Yikes. You are far too generous. As for your friends, tell them the truth, the guy got your last name from someone and then went around making like you two had a relationship. Ewwwwwwwwww. Creepy. You think your friends are going to think you're in the wrong somehow? You did nothing wrong, he's a jerk. Don't be seen with him...distance, distance, distance.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He deserves nothing after getting your last name from a third party and telling people you're dating. Yikes. You are far too generous. As for your friends, tell them the truth, the guy got your last name from someone and then went around making like you two had a relationship. Ewwwwwwwwww. Creepy. You think your friends are going to think you're in the wrong somehow? You did nothing wrong, he's a jerk. Don't be seen with him...distance, distance, distance.


I second the ewwwwwww.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He deserves nothing after getting your last name from a third party and telling people you're dating. Yikes. You are far too generous. As for your friends, tell them the truth, the guy got your last name from someone and then went around making like you two had a relationship. Ewwwwwwwwww. Creepy. You think your friends are going to think you're in the wrong somehow? You did nothing wrong, he's a jerk. Don't be seen with him...distance, distance, distance.


True, that was a bit creepy/immature. But I've also been dumped by someone I still wanted, and I remember not always thinking clearly. I didn't do anything like he did, but I've done some pretty silly things when my emotions were getting the best of me. Thinking he's in that same place with his ex. Although I don't want to be a part of it, I'm also not going to judge him on it.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> I honestly cannot believe you just advised her to string someone along just so she could take advantage of him ...


I dont know I guess I don't view it as taking advantage since it kinda sounded like they are going as a big group to this event.... makes it a lot less "date -ish" too me.... in addition if she goes on the date, that was already scheduled, she can definitively say to him after the date "I gave it a try and im not into you in that way".... 

But I said she could go or not go, I just said if she wants to keep the date...

Up my dear not everyone dates for love and relationships. .. many men just date to bang a girl and many women just date for the free dinner (or in case of this crowd the women just date for the sex too...lol)

For the record I would have canceled the date. .. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



SoVeryLost said:


> True, that was a bit creepy/immature. But I've also been dumped by someone I still wanted, and I remember not always thinking clearly. I didn't do anything like he did, but I've done some pretty silly things when my emotions were getting the best of me. Thinking he's in that same place with his ex. Although I don't want to be a part of it, I'm also not going to judge him on it.


What you have or haven't done in your own personal dating life has nothing to do with how he handles his own sh1t.

You're far too kind to creepers. Lol.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> I dont know I guess I don't view it as taking advantage since it kinda sounded like they are going as a big group to this event.... makes it a lot less "date -ish" too me.... in addition if she goes on the date, that was already scheduled, she can definitively say to him after the date "I gave it a try and im not into you in that way"....
> 
> But I said she could go or not go, I just said if she wants to keep the date...
> 
> Up my dear not everyone dates for love and relationships. .. many men just date to bang a girl and many women just date for the free dinner (or in case of this crowd the women just date for the sex too...lol)
> 
> For the record I would have canceled the date. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From what I recall, she made note that she's done the dating of a$$holes and the likes. Sure this guy has been kind to her in person but he's pulling douche moves behind her back.

People are free to use and abuse whoever they like, not my problem but I will advise them against it. As for women who use men for free meals, good for them. They won't be getting one from this guy though.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SoVeryLost said:


> True, that was a bit creepy/immature. But I've also been dumped by someone I still wanted, and I remember not always thinking clearly. I didn't do anything like he did, but I've done some pretty silly things when my emotions were getting the best of me. Thinking he's in that same place with his ex. Although I don't want to be a part of it, I'm also not going to judge him on it.


That sounds borderline codependent?!
Since YOU made mistakes and didn't manage your emotions in the past, and now know better, enforce the good habits that you learned by not tolerating those bad habits / out of control behavior in someone else. Maybe you won't benefit from it by being able to date him in his 'best form' (which he is not in right now, obviously) but further on down the road some other woman will benefit from it (if he's truly nice and not just in a bad place...) or maybe he will personally thank you (later on down the road) for not letting him make a fool of himself in the first place, by putting a lid on it right away.

Someone has to be the adult in that situation, and be in control and set the standards that will benefit everyone. If this is a social circle you want to stay in, make sure you participate in managing its standards.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Codependent? Nah. 

Just an observation...but I think we all see so many train wrecks on TAM that have developed over time that we are quick to jump to conclusions and unfairly label others' thoughts, actions, or inactions. Sometimes people just do dumb things. Sometimes we all have moments where we're human. We can't all act perfectly 24/7 according to love languages and societal rules and the definitions of the label(s) we've been given in the DSM V.

Personally I wouldn't categorize his behavior as "out of control." He made a bad choice, but that doesn't warrant a generalization of his personality or character as a whole. If one fvck up isn't allowed in life here and there, I don't know what I'm doing still wandering the streets freely. 

I understand your advice comes from a good place, but in this situation I don't think it relates. Sometimes a screw up really is just a simple, trivial screw up.


----------



## RandomDude

It's very tempting to let your emotions get the better of you in these situations, especially when its sudden/unexpected and you are left with no closure and questions unanswered on what went wrong along with the feeling of loss.

Hence I tend to flip the tables by taking control of the situation via saying YOKAY!  As I did when ex used the D word and when dates decided its not going to work. Many times - including with my ex - they wanted me back - but only due to me having turned the tables.

Maybe I'm just a control freak, but I don't like having no power 
Sure, closure may still elude me, but being in control puts my mind at ease compared if I would be pestering ex/past dates when they've already made their decision (and that would make me feel less of a man - as a rule, I will never be on my knees for anyone)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SoVeryLost said:


> Codependent? Nah.
> 
> Just an observation...but I think we all see so many train wrecks on TAM that have developed over time that we are quick to jump to conclusions and unfairly label others' thoughts, actions, or inactions. Sometimes people just do dumb things. Sometimes we all have moments where we're human. We can't all act perfectly 24/7 according to love languages and societal rules and the definitions of the label(s) we've been given in the DSM V.
> 
> Personally I wouldn't categorize his behavior as "out of control." He made a bad choice, but that doesn't warrant a generalization of his personality or character as a whole. If one fvck up isn't allowed in life here and there, I don't know what I'm doing still wandering the streets freely.
> 
> I understand your advice comes from a good place, but in this situation I don't think it relates. Sometimes a screw up really is just a simple, trivial screw up.


That's why I qualified it with a "?!" which I guess you missed when reading/interpreting.

Bottom line for me is that (1) asking someone else for my last name and (2) spreading rumors that I am dating/involved with someone when I am not is (3) creepy and (4) borderline stalking. 

Thus, for me, if I made excuses for the guy's behavior, where I had to suppress/set aside/discount my feelings of creepiness and boundary violation from what he did, I would consider that to be codependent.

IMO sure, people can f*ck up all they want, but if they f*ck up when it comes to me, I'll hold them accountable. I mean, there is no real punishment here for holding someone accountable, the worst thing that happens is he doesn't get the date and he's the one that has to go round explaining to people that "they misunderstood when he said he was dating someone."


----------



## moxy

Weirdest experience/line yet on online dating: some random dude asked me if I wanted him to knock me up. Seriously, I must be putting out a freak sort of vibe. Anyway, it was funny. I obviously ignored his note, though.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Weirdest experience/line yet on online dating: some random dude asked me if I wanted him to knock me up.


He sounds really romantic. :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Weirdest experience/line yet on online dating: some random dude asked me if I wanted him to knock me up. Seriously, I must be putting out a freak sort of vibe. Anyway, it was funny. I obviously ignored his note, though.


Damn. That's a sweet line. It's a shame I can't use it.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Weirdest experience/line yet on online dating: some random dude asked me if I wanted him to knock me up. Seriously, I must be putting out a freak sort of vibe. Anyway, it was funny. I obviously ignored his note, though.


HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!! yea online dating can be sooooo amusing


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Weirdest experience/line yet on online dating: some random dude asked me if I wanted him to knock me up. S*eriously, I must be putting out a freak sort of vibe. *Anyway, it was funny. I obviously ignored his note, though


Ummm...... 

I PM you later about that one.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

:-( My Aussie friend couldn't/wouldn't take up my invitation. 

He thinks he might be changing jobs, and has family visits planned already for whatever time off he does have in August and September/October. But seems to be upbeat about coming out here sooner or later? In any case, I'm going to decrease my correspondence with him, even though it's great correspondence and we have forged some kind of life long friendship, I'm feeling that until it's imminent that his shadow does darken my doorstep, the level of connection needs to be downgraded. 

I've made attempts to date locally but have come up empty, maybe the vacancy sign hasn't been as bright as it could be?


----------



## ihatethis

moxy said:


> Weirdest experience/line yet on online dating: some random dude asked me if I wanted him to knock me up. Seriously, I must be putting out a freak sort of vibe. Anyway, it was funny. I obviously ignored his note, though.


I had a gay guy contact me and asked me if I wanted to be his "BESTIE" and help him come out to his friends and family... 

Odd. LOL.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. Did you help him?


----------



## moxy

ihatethis said:


> I had a gay guy contact me and asked me if I wanted to be his "BESTIE" and help him come out to his friends and family...
> 
> 
> 
> Odd. LOL.



That is both sad and sweet at the same time. How cool that he is looking for some support in coming out and in being his authentic self around his friends and family. And, how sad that he has no one in his life to whom he can turn for support and acceptance. 

Of course, it may just be some kind of scam and the next line might be, "well, you can start by effing me just so that I'm absolutely sure that I'm not into chicks".


----------



## ihatethis

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Did you help him?


No, because he wanted me to log into all of his social media and talk to his ex... it was just... odd. If I thought it seemed sincere, I most certainly would have.


----------



## muskrat

How the heck to people handle multiple dating? I am a mess.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't get it either, Muskrat. It's hard enough to deal with one person at a time. LOL.


----------



## muskrat

I'm dealing with 2 at the moment. It is exhausting!!!
I don't get it. I can go months with no dates or prospects, then I seem to end up with more than I can handle at one time. Why can't women space out their desire to date me more evenly? lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Musk, you have got to end it with German Lady.

If you haven't yet, do I win five dollars? 



muskrat said:


> Why can't women space out their desire to date me more evenly? lol


:rofl: When it rains, it pours, man.


----------



## Nsweet

ihatethis said:


> No, because he wanted me to log into all of his social media and talk to his ex... it was just... odd. If I thought it seemed sincere, I most certainly would have.


Sounds more like uncertainty on his part. I mean who does this other than people who aren't are their exes and are trying to make them jealousy - Control issue. 



muskrat said:


> How the heck to people handle multiple dating? I am a mess.


Micromanage, like a boss. 

Microsoft Excel spread sheets to keep track of information about them, and careful planning so you can date frequently and still have a life. That's all I have to say. 

It also helps to have a no contact curfew in the morning and at night, and not go on every date just because it's offered.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Micromanage, like a boss.


:rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

muskrat said:


> How the heck to people handle multiple dating? I am a mess.


You get to know people in layers...
So you meet people you want to date, you spend a little time with them, you don't have sex with them although there might be kissing and/or hand holding, and you eventually go on more dates with them (or not) in which more things are revealed to you that guide your decision to keep seeing them or not.
You do not let them inappropriately and prematurely into areas of your life where they do not belong, such as work, constant texting and calling on a regular basis, family life, where you worship (if at all) and regular clubs/activities to which you belong. (If they already belong to any of these areas, keeping other people you're dating out of them is even more important...and keeping Joe at work at work and not taking him to your bowling club where he might meet Harry.)

You don't owe any people you are dating at this level any explanation about your schedule other than agreeing to or declining any specific date.

It's really easy.

What I don't understand is how do people date one person, right off the bat, and be okay with letting a complete stranger into your personal life, where they can and do wreak havoc on day to day operations? 

Even if only dating one person, I keep them initially at the level of dating multiple persons, and don't let them get their foot in the door just because there are no current contenders. I guess I don't like the idea of dating one person hot and heavy until someone better comes along?

My goal in dating is to find someone who is compatible with me and my lifestyle, and to build a connection. It's not as simple as just finding someone, throwing the switch, and then evaluating the results. I like to develop my options, and also avoid over-committing or having to manage someone being in my life when I really don't want them there.

For me, the dating world is not overlapped on my usual day to day life. It is a different realm where I go out and get my passport stamped when I want to visit there, and maybe I will find someone I'll eventually invite to my day to day existence for a visit. But I keep it separate, and given that with internet dating and meetup, etc. we are meeting and dating people who are strangers to us prior to dating, this is good practice. There are a lot of scam artists out there (and also a lot of people with deep-seated mental problems, drug problems, financial problems, etc.) it only takes one to make your life miserable.

I think it's easier to know someone very well before you open your door to them. There's plenty of public space available in which to get to know others, and no need to give just one stranger the spotlight until it's shown to be a serious choice for a partner.


----------



## Nsweet

Like A Boss (ft. Seth Rogen) - Uncensored Version - YouTube


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Musk, you have got to end it with German Lady.
> 
> If you haven't yet, do I win five dollars?
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: When it rains, it pours, man.


I know I need to end that, I just can't get her on the phone and I don't want to send her a text about it.

What's the $5 for, did I miss something?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Omg I accidently unsubbed from this thread! How do I resub???


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Microsoft Excel spread sheets to keep track of information about them, and careful planning so you can date frequently and still have a life. That's all I have to say.


That's plain ridiculous. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> What's the $5 for, did I miss something?


For me guessing right if you hadn't yet ended it with German Lady (you said you were dealing with 2 women now and it was exhauasting).

I was right.

::Opens up pocketbook:: 

:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> That's plain ridiculous. Lol.


Ridiculously genius.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> For me guessing right if you hadn't yet ended it with German Lady (you said you were dealing with 2 women now and it was exhauasting).
> 
> I was right.
> 
> ::Opens up pocketbook::
> 
> :rofl:


Dang, dating is even costing money on message boards now. :rofl:
:: hands Jelly $5::


----------



## muskrat

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You get to know people in layers...
> So you meet people you want to date, you spend a little time with them, you don't have sex with them although there might be kissing and/or hand holding, and you eventually go on more dates with them (or not) in which more things are revealed to you that guide your decision to keep seeing them or not.
> You do not let them inappropriately and prematurely into areas of your life where they do not belong, such as work, constant texting and calling on a regular basis, family life, where you worship (if at all) and regular clubs/activities to which you belong. (If they already belong to any of these areas, keeping other people you're dating out of them is even more important...and keeping Joe at work at work and not taking him to your bowling club where he might meet Harry.)
> 
> You don't owe any people you are dating at this level any explanation about your schedule other than agreeing to or declining any specific date.
> 
> It's really easy.
> 
> What I don't understand is how do people date one person, right off the bat, and be okay with letting a complete stranger into your personal life, where they can and do wreak havoc on day to day operations?
> 
> Even if only dating one person, I keep them initially at the level of dating multiple persons, and don't let them get their foot in the door just because there are no current contenders. I guess I don't like the idea of dating one person hot and heavy until someone better comes along?
> 
> My goal in dating is to find someone who is compatible with me and my lifestyle, and to build a connection. It's not as simple as just finding someone, throwing the switch, and then evaluating the results. I like to develop my options, and also avoid over-committing or having to manage someone being in my life when I really don't want them there.
> 
> For me, the dating world is not overlapped on my usual day to day life. It is a different realm where I go out and get my passport stamped when I want to visit there, and maybe I will find someone I'll eventually invite to my day to day existence for a visit. But I keep it separate, and given that with internet dating and meetup, etc. we are meeting and dating people who are strangers to us prior to dating, this is good practice. There are a lot of scam artists out there (and also a lot of people with deep-seated mental problems, drug problems, financial problems, etc.) it only takes one to make your life miserable.
> 
> I think it's easier to know someone very well before you open your door to them. There's plenty of public space available in which to get to know others, and no need to give just one stranger the spotlight until it's shown to be a serious choice for a partner.



I hear what you are saying, but who has time for all that?:scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Dang, dating is even costing money on message boards now. :rofl:
> :: hands Jelly $5::



I'm gonna be rich by the time the day is over. Hahahaha.

If only I charged for my jellyonious wisdom!


----------



## Nsweet

I'm searching for jobs right now for this program. I'm a little behind and don't have a resume. Working on it though. 

I'm going to see if I can get a job a sex shop just as a joke.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I hear what you are saying, but who has time for all that?:scratchhead:


:rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> How the heck to people handle multiple dating? I am a mess.


We're single fathers with more than 1 kid, attempting to multi-date is asking for a headache. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yesterday I get to the gym just as this dude gets there. He says Hi (we're walking in the door together) and asks me where I'm from in Spanish so I tell him. He says I have "the latina look" (he's latino, too). Anyway later I'm on my treadmill and he is walking by and says "Want some company?" I didn't really (since I work out alone) and he hops on treadmill next to me, starts telling me he had to change his workout routine lately due to an injury. He then says he has to stop because "old people" need to slow down. I said "You don't look that old!" And he made me guess and he was mid-forties. You know I love me some forties/older men. I waved Goodbye and smiled and prayed I get hit on again by more and more oldies. Hahaha.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> We're single fathers with more than 1 kid, attempting to multi-date is asking for a headache. Lol.


I'm single and childless multi-dating sounds exhausting to me. LOL.


----------



## unsure78

yea agree muti-dating is tough after a few dates... though i can muti-date first dates like a champion... not as much invested there


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

muskrat said:


> I hear what you are saying, but who has time for all that?:scratchhead:


Who has time to undo the havoc wreaked by becoming over-involved and having the responsibility to another person who you might want to trade in if someone better comes along?

I have two kids at home and work pretty much full time.
The multi-dating program works better for me because I'm free to arrange my kid and work time without discussing it with anyone else. I also don't have the burden of needing to put in relationship time with someone I'm not sure I want to commit to, but decided to date, if in fact it makes more sense for me to work through the weekend (or I want some alone time, or want to go do something with someone else.)

Since I'm looking for someone for the long term, someone who couldn't/can't deal with the occasional work through the weekend schema or need to spend time with my kids schema isn't going to make the cut. Memorial Day weekend I had a workathon that was planned, and I 'lost' a guy off my roster because he was upset that I would not do anything social that weekend, he insisted with all that work I needed to 'get out'. I did get out, I went to a movie on my own which was relaxing. He wanted to up the game a bit and I did not want to be distracted with that during a workathon, if he had just wanted to have lunch and chat I might have said okay, but he was suggesting something more than that and I didn't want to have to deal with it. This is a guy who when I went to Iceland, did not text me for several weeks after I got back, then it turned out he'd short sold his house and the person (he used "person", rather than "woman" and when I asked it was a woman...) he was going houseshare with backed out on him. So I was able to determine on a lunch date that I was not first choice and also that he was now having to go live in an apartment and this was not to his liking. Well, I live in an apartment! And he knows I'm going to move next year (plan for kids' school.) 

Now, I learned all this by casual dating, I didn't waste 100% of my dating time or effort on this guy. On the surface there was nothing amiss, he did everything by the book. But over time I learned a story. He is not interested in ME, he is interested in a housing situation that has sex involved. I also learned that he cannot cook. Well, I like to cook. And, he orders ginger ale and other stuff at meals that is unhealthy. I wouldn't be able to partner up with someone like that. And it's not my business to change someone.

I never made any commitment to this guy, but was able to date him and watch him handle his life over the course of a few months. I was also able to get rid of dance guy after just a few weeks and one date. During which time I was perfectly free to continue talking to Singapore/Montreal guy as well as my Aussie friend, with whom I've had a year-long relationship that has not involved sex. 

I'm also definitely not in a hurry to get someone to cohabit with me. 

If someone is in a hurry to have a relationship and doesn't have the time to develop one over time (say a year or two) then that's not the person for me. 

Dating multiple people means you can cull the ones who misbehave and violate boundaries without having to start from scratch. It also means that even if you have a date planned, and you meet someone interesting, you don't have to tell them you can't meet them for a date. 

You're free to look out for YOU, not to worry about hurting someone's feelings or having to become disentangled from one person before dating someone else.

You can also look out for your kids and your home/family life. 
I weed out people when I see behaviors that are not good for me or my kids. For instance, dance guy kept using the term 'the bastards' during our lunch date. That's not gonna fly at home. He also scraped his fork on his teeth and had a mono-diet, cheap pasta. Not someone who is going to fit into our home life, by any means.

It takes time to get to know people, if you only date one person at a time, it would take forever to find someone appropriate. 

My way saves time, it's more efficient and conserves my effort, it also smooths out emotional issues, no getting attached or having day dreams until the basic lets-talk-about-reality research is finished.


----------



## unsure78

Everyone has different approaches dating, their is no right or wrong...you just do whats best for you or makes you happy...


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> :-( My Aussie friend couldn't/wouldn't take up my invitation.
> 
> He thinks he might be changing jobs, and has family visits planned already for whatever time off he does have in August and September/October. But seems to be upbeat about coming out here sooner or later? In any case, I'm going to decrease my correspondence with him, even though it's great correspondence and we have forged some kind of life long friendship, I'm feeling that until it's imminent that his shadow does darken my doorstep, the level of connection needs to be downgraded.
> 
> I've made attempts to date locally but have come up empty, maybe the vacancy sign hasn't been as bright as it could be?



aww
I am sorry for this one
I agree, most local dating Ive done has not been up to standards.



Yesterday, i stopped loving my ex husband. That is all.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Yesterday, i stopped loving my ex husband. That is all.


Why do you say that NE?


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Why do you say that NE?


It is time. I saw the light, I cant publicise the details. I do have a hole in my heart. I feel empty.

btw, there isnt someone else.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, you may feel hurt but I bet it is freeing in a way. It's a step in moving past the split.

My guess is you saw something? Heard something?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> aww
> I am sorry for this one
> I agree, most local dating Ive done has not been up to standards.
> 
> 
> 
> Yesterday, i stopped loving my ex husband. That is all.


It won't matter, because I'm pretty sure I won't meet anyone else in the meantime. I'm just happy to have met him, and absolutely no harm has been done by our friendship/correspondence over the past year. I think it will serve us well in the future when we can/do get together. 

It took me a while to get over my boyfriend who had the brain hemorrhage. I would say I'm just recently over him, which is ridiculous, because he had a near-fatal brain hemorrhage over two years ago, and has been out of commission since, but it's difficult to just turn off feelings and to move on. 

Being over boyfriend who nearly died is why I invited my Aussie friend to come visit, as I really think I will be able to enjoy his company 100% without feeling like I need to hedge. Even Aussie friend said last year when we had lunch, some people recover...so it's been a year, no recovery...I think it's been in the back of his mind as well, potential for recovery. 

Not gonna happen, and even if it did, former boyfriend would not accept a relationship, a decision that I don't even have to make, has been made for me. Just takes a while to sink in and feel permanent.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well, you may feel hurt but I bet it is freeing in a way. It's a step in moving past the split.
> 
> My guess is you saw something? Heard something?


It is so liberating, the hurt will be gone tomorrow, as it is I am beginning to feel anger.
But I will also let go of this anger, it is not healthy for my recovery!


----------



## ihatethis

4 dates in 4 days with 4 different guys may begin tomorrow thru Sunday. I'm not quite sure I am up for it. I've been divorced for 6 months, but during that time we still were hanging out and all that, so this is all so new to me... I'm nervous, but excited... hmm...


----------



## moxy

Ne, what brought on this change of heart?

Ihatethis, are you excited by any one of these four in particular or just exploring your options?


----------



## unsure78

ihatethis said:


> 4 dates in 4 days with 4 different guys may begin tomorrow thru Sunday. I'm not quite sure I am up for it. I've been divorced for 6 months, but during that time we still were hanging out and all that, so this is all so new to me... I'm nervous, but excited... hmm...


Nice! IHT... rock your dates.. the more dates you have under you belt the easier it gets
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Ummm......
> 
> I PM you later about that one.


lol. okay. Please, do.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet said:


> Sounds more like uncertainty on his part. I mean who does this other than people who aren't are their exes and are trying to make them jealousy - Control issue.
> 
> 
> Micromanage, like a boss.
> 
> Microsoft Excel spread sheets to keep track of information about them, and careful planning so you can date frequently and still have a life. That's all I have to say.
> 
> It also helps to have a no contact curfew in the morning and at night, and not go on every date just because it's offered.


Those spreadsheets sound like my kids' dad! That's a bit weird, but whatever works for you. I'd rather have a guy keep track of my details and study up before a date than to be completely confused. I think the no contact curfew morning and night is a good idea. And to opt out of some dates, for whatever reason.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

muskrat said:


> I hear what you are saying, but who has time for all that?:scratchhead:


If you have time for a serious relationship, you have time for all that in order to find the serious relationship? It's not as though once you find someone, the time space continuum is going to add more hours to your week?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ihatethis said:


> 4 dates in 4 days with 4 different guys may begin tomorrow thru Sunday. I'm not quite sure I am up for it. I've been divorced for 6 months, but during that time we still were hanging out and all that, so this is all so new to me... I'm nervous, but excited... hmm...


That I would not be able to handle.
But when I was in the military, I would frequently have group dates. Now, my group dates were not the kind you would think BGBGBGBG. They were like this BBGBB. So when we went to the movies, every half hour the guys would get up and rearrange themselves. It worked out really well. Then after we'd all go to the Officer Club for drinks and dancing. It was fun, and nobody got left out. The whole point of those dates was to hang out together, and also to protect my reputation. When I was out, there were four other officers to vouch for how I spent my off-duty time. During that time I also had a couple boyfriends who weren't on my base. 

There was one guy who was really really nice. I wish he hadn't got shipped off to that lieutenant sucking hole in Minot. He would have made an ideal husband as he was a really good friend. We worked together for a while.


----------



## Another Planet

Personally I do not have the capacity to keep track of 10 different girls AND pay enough attention to them to actually learn anything about them AND respect them enough AND be able to live my life and take care of myself and my family.
I literally can barely take care of myself and my life as it is how do I have enough time and patience to date more then a couple women.
It's just not happening...nope...nope...nope...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Personally I do not have the capacity to keep track of 10 different girls AND pay enough attention to them to actually learn anything about them AND respect them enough AND be able to live my life and take care of myself and my family.
> I literally can barely take care of myself and my life as it is how do I have enough time and patience to date more then a couple women.
> It's just not happening...nope...nope...nope...


Haha. No sh1t.


----------



## muskrat

Without involving my kids I have time for 1 maybe 2 dates a week. That is a sufficient amount when just getting to know someone. If a relationship blooms they would eventually be meeting my children, that would open up the door for spending more time together. If I was to try dating say 5 women, I would see each one about once a month. I would also struggle to really know each one as they would all get jumbled together.
Honestly if a woman wanted to date me and only wanted to see me once a month for a year or 2 while she dated scores of other men, I would walk away from her. It may work for some, but that wouldn't work for me.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Honestly if a woman wanted to date me and only wanted to see me once a month for a year or 2 while she dated scores of other men, I would walk away from her. It may work for some, but that wouldn't work for me.


:iagree: I would feel the same about a man I was dating.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Without involving my kids I have time for 1 maybe 2 dates a week. That is a sufficient amount when just getting to know someone. If a relationship blooms they would eventually be meeting my children, that would open up the door for spending more time together. If I was to try dating say 5 women, I would see each one about once a month. I would also struggle to really know each one as they would all get jumbled together.
> Honestly if a woman wanted to date me and only wanted to see me once a month for a year or 2 while she dated scores of other men, I would walk away from her. It may work for some, but that wouldn't work for me.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## 06Daddio08

I know what I want and it's really not asking all that much, I also know it won't be found by dating multiple women and watering the experience down.

While I can be quite the thinker, it really is pretty simple in theory. Lol.


----------



## hope4family

Great night last night. Did get a long kiss out of it. 

I love Asian.


----------



## ne9907

Had an interesting day yesterday.

Yesterday after work, blue eyes called me and asked me out for dinner.
Keep in mind, we havent seen each other in about three weeks maybe four. He also texted me last week to ask for a booty call but i did not go.

Anyway, we had dinner last night at a nice place by the beach, we talked a lot. I know he was trying to impress by repeating to me important things Ive said in the past.
He did not ask me to go back to his place, I would have said no, but he did mention he had just bought a very delicious looking german chocolate cake, he said he didnt know why he bought it, he just did.
I must mention that when we were sleeping together, I would (from time to time) ask if he had anything sweet. He never did.

After our dinner, we talked some more, and I went to my place.
But I had a nice time.


----------



## vi_bride04

I thought you weren't feeling anything for blue eyes? Why string him along by going out to dinner with him? Just curious.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> I thought you weren't feeling anything for blue eyes? Why string him along by going out to dinner with him? Just curious.


Not sure to be honest. Free food? company? boredom?

He is by far the best date Ive had, our conversations are always interesting. I do enjoy his company.

Oh and a bit of revenge? Because it was his idea to break things off? I do not know. 
I am so not in a good place to look for a relationship, I just go out to have fun.


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait. Isn't Blue Guys the one who told you he was not feeling it with you?

How long did you date him?


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Wait. Isn't Blue Guys the one who told you he was not feeling it with you?
> 
> How long did you date him?


That is him
But he said he didnt do feelings. I once sent him a text saying "I am going to miss you" and he broke things off, because he didnt do feelings. I was okay with it.

Then after a few days, he texted me again, and we resumed things. But ended it again after a week.

We dated for about a month and a half. Now, he is back at it again, 
I have a suspicion that he wants to reel me in, get all feely touchy for him, and he would end things.

So not happening, I will enjoy his company but dont need it.


----------



## moxy

NE -- if I'm remembering correctly: 

Blue Eyes is your casual dating partner for whom you developed feelings, after which he broke it off because he doesn't do feelings; you cut him off for a while and got over him, he texted you for a booty call and you rebuffed him, so now he's chasing you and you're curious about where it will go...?

Irish is the guy you've gone out with a few times for whom you're not really feeling any spark or any possible future, but whose company you enjoy; earlier, people were asking why you were continuing to see him when you didn't have feelings for him...?

And, Army guy is your far away, unattainable long distance crush that you might meet later this summer, with whom you feel an emotional connection despite the distance?

If I'm right about those:
How does it feel to reconsider Blue Eyes in this new way?
What did you decide to do with Irish?
And, are you still hot and heavy for Army Guy?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Going out with a guy you cut it off with a day after declaring you no longer loved you ex.

Hmmmm. *stares at the writing on the wall*


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> NE -- if I'm remembering correctly:
> 
> Blue Eyes is your casual dating partner for whom you developed feelings, after which he broke it off because he doesn't do feelings; you cut him off for a while and got over him, he texted you for a booty call and you rebuffed him, so now he's chasing you and you're curious about where it will go...?
> 
> Irish is the guy you've gone out with a few times for whom you're not really feeling any spark or any possible future, but whose company you enjoy; earlier, people were asking why you were continuing to see him when you didn't have feelings for him...?
> 
> And, Army guy is your far away, unattainable long distance crush that you might meet later this summer, with whom you feel an emotional connection despite the distance?
> 
> If I'm right about those:
> How does it feel to reconsider Blue Eyes in this new way?
> What did you decide to do with Irish?
> And, are you still hot and heavy for Army Guy?


Yes you got it!!!
I am reconsidering blue eyes as a physical relationship. Sex wasnt great but it got me off.
Irish and I have become more of friends, I havent spoken to him in a while, although he comments on my FB link.
Yes, I will meet Army guy in July at Vegas.




06Daddio08 said:


> Going out with a guy you cut it off with a day after declaring you no longer loved you ex.
> 
> Hmmmm. *stares at the writing on the wall*


I dont know what I want. I am very nonchalant at this time. I enjoy people's company without any expectations. If something real were to develop, I will cut it off inmediately. 
THis is how I want my life at the moment.


----------



## ihatethis

moxy said:


> Ne, what brought on this change of heart?
> 
> Ihatethis, are you excited by any one of these four in particular or just exploring your options?


I think they all have potential... I don't think I could really go on a date with someone that I didn't' know ANYTHING about. I hate awkwardness, lol. 

I now know exactly what I want in a guy, and I guess I'm a bit picky in what I am looking for. Is that bad?


----------



## ne9907

ihatethis said:


> I now know exactly what I want in a guy, and I guess I'm a bit picky in what I am looking for. Is that bad?


Nope, it isnt bad. You know what you want, find him, do not settle for less.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Yes you got it!!!
> I am reconsidering blue eyes as a physical relationship. Sex wasnt great but it got me off.


If you can separate emotion from the physical, then good on ya. But I will caution you, Ne, cause you said you started feeling like you were missing him and he cut you off/ended it. Then you guys went at it again and he cut you off again a second time...

Is mediocre sex worth potential pain of hurt feelings?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> ...I am reconsidering blue eyes as a physical relationship. Sex wasnt great but it got me off...


Is it just me, or does it not seem a whole lot more satisfying to have a good solo masturbatory orgasm by myself, than mediocre or bad sex with a relationship "partner" whom I have no feelings for?

If it was GREAT physical-only mutual sex, and no feelings then maybe it's worth it, but otherwise it would seem like too much work and obligation.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lon said:


> Is it just me, or does it not seem a whole lot more satisfying to have a good solo masturbatory orgasm by myself, than mediocre or bad sex with a relationship "partner" whom I have no feelings for?


Not just you. I am always satisfied by my lonesome and no drama is attached.


----------



## 06Daddio08

My one man trumpet show rarely disappoints.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> If you can separate emotion from the physical, then good on ya. But I will caution you, Ne, cause you said you started feeling like you were missing him and he cut you off/ended it. Then you guys went at it again and he cut you off again a second time...
> 
> Is mediocre sex worth potential pain of hurt feelings?


Perhaps, because the alternative would be to find someone else to have sex with. I do not want to do that. I do not want to go on dates, it is rather exhausting for me. 

I am getting a handle of my emotions. Yesterday when i said I no longer loved my ex, I meant it. He denied a lot of things, others he kept secret but my intiution suspected the truth. Yet, my ex was my whole world, my rock, so I believed everything. Knowing the truth within my soul but also fimly believing my ex nearly drove me crazy. I was in conflict with myself, I could not trust my self (my mistake). He now wants attonement, and is releasing the truth which is restoring faith in my self to know I was never crazy. It should not matter, but it does greatly. 

Ultimately, I am lost but slowly regaining my inner core. I have no room for real feelings at the moments, if I get these feelings they would be false. 
I know you all care, I like that you all care.

On another note, I will be doing training from friday till the 23rd. No seeing blue eyes or Irish or anyone during that time


----------



## ihatethis

muskrat said:


> Without involving my kids I have time for 1 maybe 2 dates a week. That is a sufficient amount when just getting to know someone. If a relationship blooms they would eventually be meeting my children, that would open up the door for spending more time together. If I was to try dating say 5 women, I would see each one about once a month. I would also struggle to really know each one as they would all get jumbled together.
> Honestly if a woman wanted to date me and only wanted to see me once a month for a year or 2 while she dated scores of other men, I would walk away from her. It may work for some, but that wouldn't work for me.


Well, see, I am not "dating" them... like, exclusively. These are first meetings. If I was like "dating" someone consistently, I couldn't handle more than 2. I also don't have kids.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> My one man trumpet show rarely disappoints.


I have seriously never NOT gotten off by my self-love. Never. Not one time. It's always a guaranteed O.



ne9907 said:


> Perhaps, because the alternative would be to find someone else to have sex with. I do not want to do that.


I see. Do you have to have sex...with just anyone? Like would it be so bad if you just didn't have sex at the moment?

If you can swing it, great, Ne, but I say just guard your feelings as best you can. Cause a lot of times once you start sharing genitals with someone it is VERY hard to keep them in check. Especially if they've rejected you a couple of times...


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I have seriously never NOT gotten off by my self-love. Never. Not one time. It's always a guaranteed O.
> 
> 
> 
> I see. Do you have to have sex...with just anyone? Like would it be so bad if you just didn't have sex at the moment?
> 
> If you can swing it, great, Ne, but I say just guard your feelings as best you can. Cause a lot of times once you start sharing genitals with someone it is VERY hard to keep them in check. Especially if they've rejected you a couple of times...


:iagree:


----------



## vi_bride04

NE - I was in a similar spot you are with your emotions and dating and sex and all of that months ago. 

If you really want clarity, you need to step away from the penis. You need to quit dating and stop trying to find validation through men. 

I do not think you can keep sex and love separate as you have already stated you started getting feelings for blue eyes. Also, mediocre sex is just not worth it. If you seem to want to continue down this road, at least make sure the sex is mind blowing. But then realize you will probably end up developing feelings.


----------



## ihatethis

ne9907 said:


> Nope, it isnt bad. You know what you want, find him, do not settle for less.


I think that s what should happen too, but it's hard to find, haha!


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> NE - I was in a similar spot you are with your emotions and dating and sex and all of that months ago.
> 
> If you really want clarity, you need to step away from the penis. You need to quit dating and stop trying to find validation through men.
> 
> I do not think you can keep sex and love separate as you have already stated you started getting feelings for blue eyes. Also, mediocre sex is just not worth it. If you seem to want to continue down this road, at least make sure the sex is mind blowing. But then realize you will probably end up developing feelings.


I believe it is a proccess most of us go through in order to heal. We learn from our mistakes.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Multi dating is a good way of finding someone that you want to date on a more regular basis and to perhaps eventually develop a relationship. IMO & experience sometimes it takes a few dates to figure out stuff/learn stuff about a potential partner. 

It's something that you would do until you found someone you wanted to spend more time with. How long does it take, who knows?

For me, I maybe go on a date every other week or so. I email or text or chat in between dates. 

If a guy goes off and gets another, exclusive, woman in that time, then I know he's someone who (1) jumps the gun and was more or less looking for sex/convenience and has no patience or sense of reality when it comes to time management (or found someone he really couldn't live without?) and (2) isn't really interested in me and would have been a waste of my time, unless I just wanted sex. I'm not going to give a guy 100% of my free time right off the bat for dating. 

I do have more time for dating for the right person. But I use that time for me right now. It's important to me to protect that space, and to make a point of including it in my schedule. It's the time I would give to another person in my life.

But I don't give my free time away very easily. I want to have it available for the right person. 

If you just date one person at a time, you have to go through cycles of breakups when it doesn't work out. 

Note that I am talking about dating, maybe there are people who define short term relationships as dating. Where there is sex involved and you are at each other's homes and it's a given you are going out over each and every weekend.

To me, that's a committed relationship. Dating is getting to know people. Whole different ball game.

As for sex, it would come after the dating part, somewhere early in the relationship part. But definitely not the dating part.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

Ey? Meh...
Romance is dead!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Ey? Meh...
> Romance is dead!


That pretty much sums it up.


----------



## 06Daddio08

The guy who talks about "ramming" women says romance is dead.

Thanks for the side stitches.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> The guy who talks about "ramming" women says romance is dead.
> 
> Thanks for the side stitches.


"ramming" is so romantic .....


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> "ramming" is so romantic .....


:iagree:

I still believe there is hope for romance through ramming.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



hope4family said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I still believe there is hope for romance through ramming.


I must admit there are a few adult film companies that do a great job capturing romantic ramming.


----------



## moxy

Most days, sex is about the best thing there is.

Today, though, I am so glad that I don't have a date or sex-date in the works. Today, I am grateful to have no obligations to any partner.

I don't plan to leave my apartment, except to go to the gym!


----------



## muskrat

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Multi dating is a good way of finding someone that you want to date on a more regular basis and to perhaps eventually develop a relationship. IMO & experience sometimes it takes a few dates to figure out stuff/learn stuff about a potential partner.
> 
> It's something that you would do until you found someone you wanted to spend more time with. How long does it take, who knows?
> 
> For me, I maybe go on a date every other week or so. I email or text or chat in between dates.
> 
> If a guy goes off and gets another, exclusive, woman in that time, then I know he's someone who (1) jumps the gun and was more or less looking for sex/convenience and has no patience or sense of reality when it comes to time management (or found someone he really couldn't live without?) and (2) isn't really interested in me and would have been a waste of my time, unless I just wanted sex. I'm not going to give a guy 100% of my free time right off the bat for dating.
> 
> I do have more time for dating for the right person. But I use that time for me right now. It's important to me to protect that space, and to make a point of including it in my schedule. It's the time I would give to another person in my life.
> 
> But I don't give my free time away very easily. I want to have it available for the right person.
> 
> If you just date one person at a time, you have to go through cycles of breakups when it doesn't work out.
> 
> Note that I am talking about dating, maybe there are people who define short term relationships as dating. Where there is sex involved and you are at each other's homes and it's a given you are going out over each and every weekend.
> 
> To me, that's a committed relationship. Dating is getting to know people. Whole different ball game.
> 
> As for sex, it would come after the dating part, somewhere early in the relationship part. But definitely not the dating part.


You have a system that works for you, that's great. It would not work for me. There is no right or wrong way to date or get to know people or however people want to phrase. We are all different and have our own ways of handling things.


----------



## muskrat

It is done, I have cut ms. german lose. 
Can I have my $5 back now JB?


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> It is done, I have cut ms. german lose.
> Can I have my $5 back now JB?


Good for you Rat... you have balls... how did she take it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> "ramming" is so romantic .....


This is even more romantic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> This is even more romantic:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k


Loved that song when I was in college..lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> It is done, I have cut ms. german lose.
> Can I have my $5 back now JB?


Nope. My services are non-refundable.  What did you say? What did she say?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> Good for you Rat... you have balls..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I told her I didn't have the time or energy for a relationship at this time in my life. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it but I can't.
She responded by thanking me for my honesty and saying she will be there if anything changes.

I kind of feel like a douche now because I wasn't really honest.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I told her I didn't have the time or energy for a relationship at this time in my life. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it but I can't.
> 
> She responded by thanking me for my honesty and saying she will be there if anything changes.
> 
> 
> 
> I kind of feel like a douche now because I wasn't really honest.



You were kind. It was a kind of honesty. You didn't have time or energy in your life for *this* relationship. It's true because you don't have time or energy to be with someone for whom you don't have feelings. It's so much better than fading out on her or telling her you want someone else or anything like that.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I told her I didn't have the time or energy for a relationship at this time in my life. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it but I can't.
> 
> _*She responded by thanking me for my honesty and saying she will be there if anything changes*._
> 
> I kind of feel like a douche now because I wasn't really honest.


Don't feel bad. It would have been worse to string her along and keep this going when your heart wasn't into it. You were kind if that you did honestly tell her you didn't want to pursue anything further with her. 

And the bolded part above--see what happens when you treat people with kindness instead of disappearing on them/leaving them to figure it out? ... It leaves the door open. And they also respect you more.

Good on ya!


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I told her I didn't have the time or energy for a relationship at this time in my life. I'm sorry, I thought I could do it but I can't.
> She responded by thanking me for my honesty and saying she will be there if anything changes.
> 
> I kind of feel like a douche now because I wasn't really honest.


Yeah but you banged her before you turned her loose...right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but you banged her before you turned her loose...right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am betting that he did NOT. Geez Bandit, kind of an RD comment there!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but youRAMMED her before you turned her loose...right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol
I fixed that for you RD!!!


Ooops... bandid???

I am kidding, was kinda funny


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but you banged her before you turned her loose...right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh Bandit, I still have my nice guy complex. I couldn't take advantage of the situation like that.

On another note, I have a date with Ms. mia tomorrow night.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I couldn't take advantage of the situation like that.


You are a classy man, Musk. :smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but you banged her before you turned her loose...right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Lol

Good to have you back on the thread, bandit.


----------



## bandit.45

I have to shake up Rat once in a while. Those Baptists are a bad influence on him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> Loved that song when I was in college..lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hehe tis a classic :smthumbup: !



ne9907 said:


> Lol
> I fixed that for you RD!!!


Good girl


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy Friday, peeps!


----------



## RandomDude

Not a good friday for me, FWB is out with friends and won't make it till late (might not make it at all), so might not get my Friday root before the weekend (and my weekends are committed to daddyhood)


----------



## Jellybeans

You'll be all right. Go out with friends or get some beer


----------



## moxy

RD, sometimes, waiting for it makes it better.


----------



## moxy

My weekend should be blissfully date-free. Friends, family, work, working out, and art. I'm still digging the idea of taking a break once in a while.


----------



## 06Daddio08

D7 has her ballet dress rehearsal at 8:45 am tomorrow. Need to be up by 5:30 am so I can get her in the bath, her mother will be at my place by 6:30 to do all the crazy makeup that's required (as Mr. Mom as I am ... I'm not butchering my daughters face, lol). She's bringing the coffee and I'm making breakfast.

Sunday evening is the recital, I'm looking forward to being the chaperone of 20 little flower ballet girls. Lol.

Hopefully fill the time in between with Sun and activities.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> (as Mr. Mom as I am ... I'm not butchering my daughters face, lol).
> 
> Sunday evening is the recital, *I'm looking forward to being the chaperone of 20 little flower ballet girls*. Lol.


Haha. LOVE this!


----------



## ne9907

Lets play the good news, bad news game!!!

Good news:
Army guy got the plane tickets and hotel accomodations for our week vacation in Vegas.
Bad news? Its my birthday tomorrow and I am stuck in a training exercise for two weeks!!! No celebrating for.me


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> I have to shake up Rat once in a while. Those Baptists are a bad influence on him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They're not Baptists Bandit. :rofl:
How have you been buddy?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Haha. LOVE this!


My first go as a chaperone was last year, 20 little sailors. Haha.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> They're not Baptists Bandit. :rofl:
> How have you been buddy?


What denomination? 

I'm doing fine bro. Been trying to get in shape for my elk hunt in December.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> What denomination?
> 
> I'm doing fine bro. Been trying to get in shape for my elk hunt in December.


Elk is the most delicious meat ever.

Well, I guess besides man meat.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Elk is the most delicious meat ever.
> 
> Well, I guess besides man meat.


Yes. It is the healthiest of the wild game meats. If you try it, you will wonder why we eat cow. 

As for man meat, I have no experience upon which to base an opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Well, I guess besides man meat.





bandit.45 said:


> As for man meat, I have no experience upon which to base an opinion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahem.....I do seem to remember some Brokeback conversations between the two of you


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Elk is the most delicious meat ever.
> 
> Well, I guess besides man meat.


mmmm man meat...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I would eat meat if I could get elk, caribou, venison, rabbit. Fresh and unadulterated. But sadly, the best I can do is wild caught salmon and Icelandic flounder at the coop, and some kind of farm-raised bison...sorry there is not enough real estate in the entire state of NH to properly raise bison? Quail would be good too, wild caught. 

Are my Native roots showing at all?
I'm starving to death eating from the grocery store. Just not hungry lately. I need some fresh kill. Must be the season.

Right after I posted I realized that in a month's time I will be in Northern Quebec and able to eat most of this. I was wondering why I wanted to go there this summer...funny how insight can come months after the trip is planned. It is not about cycling after all, it's about finding elk and salmon and venison...plus some cheese and ale. (Plus a big Powwow.) Two weeks of food bliss.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I would eat meat if I could get elk, caribou, venison, rabbit. Fresh and unadulterated. But sadly, the best I can do is wild caught salmon and Icelandic flounder at the coop, and some kind of farm-raised bison...sorry there is not enough real estate in the entire state of NH to properly raise bison? Quail would be good too, wild caught.
> 
> Are my Native roots showing at all?
> I'm starving to death eating from the grocery store. Just not hungry lately. I need some fresh kill. Must be the season.
> 
> Right after I posted I realized that in a month's time I will be in Northern Quebec and able to eat most of this. I was wondering why I wanted to go there this summer...funny how insight can come months after the trip is planned. It is not about cycling after all, it's about finding elk and salmon and venison...plus some cheese and ale. (Plus a big Powwow.) Two weeks of food bliss.


There's got to be some Moose in NH isn't there? Get a rifle and a license and go get ya some meat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

My date went very well. We had dinner and then went mini golfing (some how that seems to have turned into my first date go to activity). We then went for a drive in the country. Judging by the hug and kiss I got, I think I have another fan.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> There's got to be some Moose in NH isn't there? Get a rifle and a license and go get ya some meat!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't like moose. 
Nuts and berries again today.

So, my son's friend came over last evening to wait for his dad to pick him up after teen center closed. The dad showed up a bit late and I gave him a Belgian ale as the subject came up (I'd had one, and commented good thing the teen center is just a 3-minute walk away for me and explained no worries about being late, I wasn't doing anything but metabolizing a really good ale I scored at the coop in fancy town way up the road, went there after my son's specialist appts at the hospital) thought he would take it home to enjoy some other time but he asked to drank it here and stayed to chat for a while. I put in a request for him to send any of his nice eligible friends or acquaintances my way, general discussion about the pitfalls of dating strangers who are not vouched for and the prevalence of drug abuse, financial scamming, lying, etc. Shameless plug, hahah.


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I don't like moose.
> Nuts and berries again today.
> 
> So, my son's friend came over last evening to wait for his dad to pick him up after teen center closed. The dad showed up a bit late and I gave him a Belgian ale as the subject came up (I'd had one, and commented good thing the teen center is just a 3-minute walk away for me and explained no worries about being late, I wasn't doing anything but metabolizing a really good ale I scored at the coop in fancy town way up the road, went there after my son's specialist appts at the hospital) thought he would take it home to enjoy some other time but he asked to drank it here and stayed to chat for a while. I put in a request for him to send any of his nice eligible friends or acquaintances my way, general discussion about the pitfalls of dating strangers who are not vouched for and the prevalence of drug abuse, financial scamming, lying, etc. Shameless plug, hahah.


So is son's friends dad single...geez! lol


----------



## jpr

Mmmmmmm....nuts and berries.


----------



## Soveryalone

Hello everyone  I haven't really checked up on TAM for a while now, hope everyone is doing well


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> So is son's friends dad single...geez! lol


No. Just the active parent of the two parents of my son's best friend. Our kids have been best friends for three years and in that time have only talked to the mom once and got a glimpse of her when picking up son, but she was on the phone for work.


----------



## RandomDude

Thanks to a random dream last night I now have yellow fever. Thought it would pass during the day but it didn't... And tis a pain cause FWB ain't Asian >.<


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Thanks to a random dream last night I now have yellow fever. Thought it would pass during the day but it didn't... And tis a pain cause FWB ain't Asian >.<


I assume this is some sort of urban dictionary definition of yellow fever, not the cdc definition?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lon said:


> I assume this is some sort of urban dictionary definition of yellow fever, not the cdc definition?


I'm going to guess it's along the same line of thinking with ramming.


----------



## RandomDude

Lon said:


> I assume this is some sort of urban dictionary definition of yellow fever, not the cdc definition?


lol!

Wasn't even aware there's actually a CDC definition for it!



06Daddio08 said:


> I'm going to guess it's along the same line of thinking with ramming.


Aye, if only I could change my username to RammingDude!


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> lol!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Aye, if only I could change my username to RammingDude!


Hahahahaha that would be too funny!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

Yellowrammer


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lon said:


> YellowRammerMEH


Fixed it.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Judging by the hug and kiss I got, I think I have another fan.


Fan collector! 

Magic put-put sounds so fun for a date!


----------



## bandit.45

Why do I keep going back and reading updates at Steve K's thread? Why oh why do I do it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Why do I keep going back and reading updates at Steve K's thread? Why oh why do I do it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Curiosity got the best of me and I went and took a looksy. OMG. I get it Bandit. I was instantly angered.


----------



## ne9907

I am doing my training exercise, I get along well with everyone.
There is another female NCO who seems to dislike me. She was extremely friendly to me a few months back when I first got to this unit.
Now that we are in close quarters every single time we interact she acts strange towards me.
For example, this morning she was asking another female NCO if she wanted to go exercise with them this evening and she did not ask me. Then later, she asked another soldier (female friend of me) the same thing but did not ask me.
She acts super friendly to me, but her smile says otherwise. I get a weird vibe from her.

I do not work with her, as a matter of fact, i have been in the operations room assisting with training. 
Just get a weird vibe from her.


----------



## Jellybeans

We can' t get along with everyone we work with: that is a life fact. 

So she didn't invite you to exercise? GOOD! She is giving you a weird vibe anyway--would you really want to exercise with her?

Just discuss work with her and keep it that. You owe her nothing.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I am doing my training exercise, I get along well with everyone.
> There is another female NCO who seems to dislike me. She was extremely friendly to me a few months back when I first got to this unit.
> Now that we are in close quarters every single time we interact she acts strange towards me.
> For example, this morning she was asking another female NCO if she wanted to go exercise with them this evening and she did not ask me. Then later, she asked another soldier (female friend of me) the same thing but did not ask me.
> She acts super friendly to me, but her smile says otherwise. I get a weird vibe from her.
> 
> I do not work with her, as a matter of fact, i have been in the operations room assisting with training.
> Just get a weird vibe from her.


You're military?!

Gosh I'm slow


----------



## 06Daddio08

Didn't end up getting a second date with the woman I went out with last Sunday. Turns out in the days following our date she was approached by a friend of a friend and he expressed his feelings towards her. I won't go into all the details but today she let me know what was going on and I respect / appreciate the honesty.

I was very open on my thoughts of dating multiple people at once (in regards to taking it further with one person and having others on the side). Due to that, she wanted to let me know once she had figured out what she wanted. 

Learned a few things from this; staying true to yourself and knowing what you want might leave you a bit stricken for quality chances that come your way but I much prefer quality over quantity. She said some very nice things before we parted ways and while it does suck I missed out due to timing, it's not a downer.

It's also reassuring to have found a decent woman in this city. Haha.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

My Aussie friend behaves like a brute who lives at a mining camp sometimes. Haha, he does. But he sent me an email that had a photo (nice, artistic) of a nude woman. He's done this before but was ages. I replied nicely ??? that I see that his taste in women is women like me, that if I were competitive (I'm not) I might send a photo of myself like that, and lastly I am not a guy and while I like my ale and pub stories there is no need to be brutish and send me photos of naked ladies (even if they demonstrate that his taste in women is ones who look like me, thank goodness.) 

Sometimes he really leaves me scratching my head. I think he's trying to play me into sending a photo of my own, but not gonna do it. Told him he can d*mn well come and see for himself.


----------



## RandomDude

So far, the ladies I approached today to become my 2nd FWB due to yellow itch were not available. Oh well I have 4 days, bound to 'make a sale', unless the yellow fever passes then I'll stick to what I already have.

Problem is that most East Asians aren't into FWB arrangements, South East is much more open-minded. Bah! Meh... think I'll give it a few more days for my itch to pass. Still remember when I had this random itches when married, normally only lasted a day (unfortunately robbing me of my desire for my wife for a day!)


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> My Aussie friend behaves like a brute who lives at a mining camp sometimes. Haha, he does. But he sent me an email that had a photo (nice, artistic) of a nude woman. He's done this before but was ages. I replied nicely ??? that I see that his taste in women is women like me, that if I were competitive (I'm not) I might send a photo of myself like that, and lastly I am not a guy and while I like my ale and pub stories there is no need to be brutish and send me photos of naked ladies (even if they demonstrate that his taste in women is ones who look like me, thank goodness.)
> 
> Sometimes he really leaves me scratching my head. I think he's trying to play me into sending a photo of my own, but not gonna do it. Told him he can d*mn well come and see for himself.


You're dating a bogan?


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> I won't go into all the details but today she let me know what was going on and I respect / appreciate the honesty.
> 
> It's also reassuring to have found a decent woman in this city. Haha.


It is SO nice when people are straight up with you instead of leaving you wondering. Good on her. And good for you that you told her how you felt too about the dating thing. Now the door is open for you to keep dating and find someone more compatible, with better timing.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I replied nicely ??? that I see that his taste in women is women like me, that if I were competitive (I'm not) I might send a photo of myself like that, and lastly I am not a guy and while I like my ale and pub stories there is no need to be brutish and send me photos of naked ladies.


What'd he say to that?


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Fan collector!
> 
> Magic put-put sounds so fun for a date!


Putt, putt must be the key because I definitely have another fan. On the plus side I am really liking her.


----------



## hope4family

06Daddio08 said:


> Learned a few things from this; staying true to yourself and knowing what you want might leave you a bit stricken for quality chances that come your way but I much prefer quality over quantity. She said some very nice things before we parted ways and while it does suck I missed out due to timing, it's not a downer.


Amazing how this works. 

I feel for you. Recently had to say goodbye to someone I knew for a long time and just before going that had a spark.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> I feel for you. Recently had to say goodbye to someone I knew for a long time and just before going that had a spark.


Why'd you say goodbye?


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Why do I keep going back and reading updates at Steve K's thread? Why oh why do I do it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's Steve K's thread? Now I want to read it!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> What's Steve K's thread? Now I want to read it!


Its in the private section, easy to spot.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Why'd you say goodbye?


She had to move. 

Hung out with her Friday, Saturday (to make Sunday plans), Sunday, & Wednesday, and yeah couldn't make it work Thursday like we originally wanted to. 

I'd say I liked her from afar before this. I've been busy working on myself. I don't think any of us had anything to lose so that helps. It sucks because as I got to know her I realized I should have done something sooner. Then went back to enjoying the moment. 

Timing is everything.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> Timing is everything.


It sure is.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> Timing is everything.


Totally my life right now. 

*shakes head*

Wrong place right time, right place wrong time and so it goes.


----------



## movealong

vi_bride04 said:


> Totally my life right now.
> 
> *shakes head*
> 
> _*Wrong place right time, right place wrong time and so it goes.*_


I was told my ship had come in. I was at the airport.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Its in the private section, easy to spot.


Wow, I thought I was pathetic with the way I handled the end of my marriage. But that guy makes me look good. I feel much better about my life after reading that thread.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am scared to go there. But Musk's post was funny. I imagine it's one of those "definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again" threads.


----------



## vi_bride04

If your WS was leaving to go to another country to visit AP, would anyone here be waiting for them when they got back??


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh that's what it's about? LOL. Reminds me of that one thread where the guy's wife was leaving out of state to visit AP...and he was going to pay for her transportation to get there.

Epic.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> I am scared to go there. But Musk's post was funny. I imagine it's one of those "definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again" threads.


The guy is the emotional and financial support for his waw. All the while she has been having an affair for 4 years and just got engaged to her bf. He still lives with her and is waiting for her to decide if she wants to be with him. :scratchhead:

It is absolutely crazy!!
Then again I may be crazy also. I am pretty smitten over my new hat.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I am scared to go there. But Musk's post was funny. I imagine it's one of those "definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again" threads.


yes there of a few of those around here...


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> The guy is the emotional and financial support for his waw. All the while she has been having an affair for 4 years and just got engaged to her bf. He still lives with her and is waiting for her to decide if she wants to be with him. :scratchhead:
> 
> It is absolutely crazy!!
> Then again I may be crazy also. I am pretty smitten over my new hat.


No. You're not crazy. Because I can't honestly see you doing the same as him in the same situation.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> No. You're not crazy. Because I can't honestly see you doing the same as him in the same situation.


I meant I may be crazy for being smitten.


----------



## Jellybeans

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy... (cue Patsy Cline).

There's nothing wrong with being smitten. You are due, anyway, after so many fans.

There really is nothing better than that feeling. 

Who knew magic put-put would be so, well, magical.


----------



## muskrat

I added a pic of her to my album. It was taken yesterday while I was helping an elderly guy clean up some storm damaged trees. For a city girl she jumped at the chance to go along and was more than willing to get down and dirty and help with the work. She also ate venison for the first time. She forgot to ask what the meat I made for lunch was before she ate it.


----------



## Jellybeans

How many dates have you been on with the lady?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I added a pic of her to my album. It was taken yesterday while I was helping an elderly guy clean up some storm damaged trees. For a city girl she jumped at the chance to go along and was more than willing to get down and dirty and help with the work. She also ate venison for the first time. She forgot to ask what the meat I made for lunch was before she ate it.


Consider my heart crushed!


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> How many dates have you been on with the lady?


We talked for a few weeks, then her ex bf came back into the pic and she disappeared for about 6 weeks to sort that out. Last weekend she contacted me again out of no where. We had a few marathon phone calls this week. We met for the first time in person Friday night. We then went out again sat night and spent the day together yesterday. She was even better in person than I ever expected.
I have my kids next weekend, but we have plans to go on a group camping outing in 2 weeks for the weekend. She got to meet most of the group yesterday when she went with me to clean up the storm damaged trees at the campground.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Consider my heart crushed!


If I ever move south west I'll look you up.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> She was even better in person than I ever expected.


:smthumbup:

I do remember you sharing the story about her resurfacing a few weeks ago.


----------



## movealong

muskrat said:


> Wow, I thought I was pathetic with the way I handled the end of my marriage. But that guy makes me look good. I feel much better about my life after reading that thread.


It's like a slow motion train wreck. You see it happening but can't turn away from the coming carnage.

And yeah, he makes me look like I actually did the 180, not just tried....


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



movealong said:


> It's like a slow motion train wreck. You see it happening but can't turn away from the coming carnage.
> 
> And yeah, he makes me look like I actually did the 180, not just tried....


Haven't read the story (and I don't plan to) but in my time I made a lot of other posters look sane. Haha.


----------



## muskrat

06Daddio08 said:


> Haven't read the story (and I don't plan to) but in my time I made a lot of other posters look sane. Haha.


We all did some stupid stuff while working through things. But this guy makes you look like a waH.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> We all did some stupid stuff while working through things. But this guy makes you look like a waH.


A waH? :scratchhead:


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> A waH? :scratchhead:


Walk Away Husband

like waW (walk away wife)


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Didn't end up getting a second date with the woman I went out with last Sunday. Turns out in the days following our date she was approached by a friend of a friend and he expressed his feelings towards her. I won't go into all the details but today she let me know what was going on and I respect / appreciate the honesty.
> 
> I was very open on my thoughts of dating multiple people at once (in regards to taking it further with one person and having others on the side). Due to that, she wanted to let me know once she had figured out what she wanted.
> 
> Learned a few things from this; staying true to yourself and knowing what you want might leave you a bit stricken for quality chances that come your way but I much prefer quality over quantity. She said some very nice things before we parted ways and while it does suck I missed out due to timing, it's not a downer.
> 
> It's also reassuring to have found a decent woman in this city. Haha.





hope4family said:


> Amazing how this works.
> 
> I feel for you. Recently had to say goodbye to someone I knew for a long time and just before going that had a spark.





hope4family said:


> She had to move.
> 
> Hung out with her Friday, Saturday (to make Sunday plans), Sunday, & Wednesday, and yeah couldn't make it work Thursday like we originally wanted to.
> 
> I'd say I liked her from afar before this. I've been busy working on myself. I don't think any of us had anything to lose so that helps. It sucks because as I got to know her I realized I should have done something sooner. Then went back to enjoying the moment.
> 
> Timing is everything.





Jellybeans said:


> It sure is.





vi_bride04 said:


> Totally my life right now.
> 
> *shakes head*
> 
> *Wrong place right time, right place wrong time and so it goes.*


NO!

No such thing, you are always where you need to be in life. The moment and what you do with it is what counts. What happens happens for a reason...Always.


----------



## Another Planet

Timing is relative to a persons personality. If you feel you missed a chance with someone it is for good reason. Either you or them is to fast or to slow. IF anything was to happen it would just end up bad in the end because you live on different speeds. It would be like matching a high drive and low drive person, you could try until you are blue in the face but there will always be something off.


----------



## Jellybeans

:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I really need to stop going to other areas of TAM for a while, I think. Everything is pi$$ing me off it seems, LOL! Is it JUST ME, or has the stupid really ramped up here, recently??


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Timing is relative to a persons personality.* If you feel you missed a chance with someone it is for good reason. Either you or them is to fast or to slow.* IF anything was to happen it would just end up bad in the end because you live on different speeds. It would be like matching a high drive and low drive person, you could try until you are blue in the face but there will always be something off.


Thanks for the reminder, AP


----------



## Another Planet

Anytime Vi! Im still lurking in the shadows here


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I really need to stop going to other areas of TAM for a while, I think. Everything is pi$$ing me off it seems, LOL! Is it JUST ME, or has the stupid really ramped up here, recently??


The level of stupidity remains constant. At one point myself and a few others here were also ramped up with stupid. It is just that the farther we are removed from those dark days, the clearer the stupidity is.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> You're dating a bogan?


No, just trying to get him within arm's reach so I can have my way with him. Had one day-long date and it seems like I should have steered him into his hotel room when I had the chance. Instead decided he was a keeper and went the long route, which has turned out to be very long. Maybe will be a dead end. But no worries, unlike geography, don't have to choose just one path at a time.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I added a pic of her to my album. It was taken yesterday while I was helping an elderly guy clean up some storm damaged trees. For a city girl she jumped at the chance to go along and was more than willing to get down and dirty and help with the work. She also ate venison for the first time. She forgot to ask what the meat I made for lunch was before she ate it.


ooooo shes a cutie Rat!!!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> No, just trying to get him within arm's reach so I can have my way with him. Had one day-long date and it seems like I should have steered him into his hotel room when I had the chance. Instead decided he was a keeper and went the long route, which has turned out to be very long. Maybe will be a dead end. But no worries, unlike geography, don't have to choose just one path at a time.


Argh! Brings back memories, the problem with the long route is that if it doesn't work out, you look back and realised you had a dry spell for months >.<!


----------



## ne9907

This is only day 4 or is it 3?
I am officially beat....

But on the other hand, I now booked my hotel accomodations for Vegas!!!! 

I am kinda juggling 2 guys at this time. Irish has sort of dissapeared, he is still texting but not as often as before.

Army guy and I talk pretty much all the time, and blue eyes has been texting me quite a bit lately (even though he knows I will be doing this training for two weeks)

I am tired, need a shower, need a warm bed, but all I get is a "going for a jog" 

But I AM HAVING FUN!!!!!!!!!!!
( i just like to b!tch about anything and everything!)


----------



## moxy

It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


Yes. Every once in a while.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## johny1989

Hey guy and girls... how are you all???


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


Nope, not one drop. She can still die for all care 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I really need to stop going to other areas of TAM for a while, I think. Everything is pi$$ing me off it seems, LOL! Is it JUST ME, or has the stupid really ramped up here, recently??


There is an excessive abundance of stupid lately, it seems. And a lot of bots and trolls. 



ne9907 said:


> But on the other hand, I now booked my hotel accomodations for Vegas!!!!


:smthumbup: When is that happening?



moxy said:


> Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


What kind of issues are you finding? I think it's normal to worry or wonder about them at times.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Argh! Brings back memories, the problem with the long route is that if it doesn't work out, you look back and realised you had a dry spell for months >.<!


That's why I'm still looking. Having what I'd like to have but on the other side of the planet isn't the best situation. 

But I don't get all twisted up over dry spells like you might. 
I'm used to not having anything attractive around, a dry spell for me might be 4 years or so.

Plus am not looking for immediate gratification, more like looking for someone to partner up with after my kids are grown, i.e. 8-10 years down the road.


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm used to not having anything attractive around, a dry spell for me might be 4 years or so.


:rofl:


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


No I dont worry about him at all...he dug his own grave and has to be a big boy now and deal with real life. The only time I somewhat care is in relation to my son and thats only like because I know it would devastate my son to have his father move away or dissappear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


I do not worry about her at all. I could care less if she is happy or miserable. She made her choices, she has to live with them. As long as her actions don't harm my children, I don't care what she does.


----------



## muskrat

I think I am way to excited about my new friend. I haven't felt this way about a woman since......well when I started dating my ex. I need to slow myself down.
The good news is from what I can tell she is just as excited about me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> The good news is from what I can tell she is just as excited about me from what I can tell.


I can tell from this sentence how excited you are, from what I can tell.


----------



## muskrat

06Daddio08 said:


> I can tell from this sentence how excited you are, from what I can tell.


:rofl: It seems I need to work on my typing while multi tasking. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> The good news is from what I can tell she is just as excited about me.





06Daddio08 said:


> I can tell from this sentence how excited you are, from what I can tell.


Yoda.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I think I am way to excited about my new friend. I haven't felt this way about a woman since......well when I started dating my ex. I need to slow myself down.
> The good news is from what I can tell she is just as excited about me from what I can tell.





06Daddio08 said:


> I can tell from this sentence how excited you are, from what I can tell.


I can tell Daddio can tell how excited you are, from what I can tell 

Good for you Rat! If you have your boundaries setup don't worry to much about speed. Get excited and have some fun and the rest falls into place where it is suppose to if it is suppose to


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I think I am way to excited about my new friend. I haven't felt this way about a woman since......well when I started dating my ex. I need to slow myself down.
> The good news is from what I can tell she is just as excited about me.


Ugh, I am so jealous!  This is what I have been dying to have happen to me again.

Editing to add, I am happy for you though Rat! Duh, should have said that first!


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Ugh, I am so jealous!  This is what I have been dying to have happen to me again.


Don't give up. I didn't date for 2 years and for the last 2 years I have dated a string of women hoping to find one I could get excited about. There were 1 or 2 I thought would grow on me, I was wrong. So after 4 years I finally met someone that really seems to fit me and that I am excited to have in my life. Of course this "relationship" is very new and could crash at any point. But for now I am really happy with her.

It is not easy to find someone that you share a mutual attraction with and share similar values and morals.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Don't give up. I didn't date for 2 years and for the last 2 years I have dated a string of women hoping to find one I could get excited about. There were 1 or 2 I thought would grow on me, I was wrong. So after 4 years I finally met someone that really seems to fit me and that I am excited to have in my life. Of course this "relationship" is very new and could crash at any point. But for now I am really happy with her.
> *
> It is not easy to find someone that you share a mutual attraction with and share similar values and morals.*


Isnt THAT the truth! My Mr perfect match that I have been out with a few times, I should be crawling all over him by now, and I'm not...that attraction is just NOT there for me. And I've never had this issue before, I have always managed to just meet people and it happens, you know? This is why I have given up trying to meet someone online.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I shivered when I read "Mr. Perfect".


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup: When is that happening?
> 
> 
> 
> .


July 6-12


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


Moxy
You will get stronger. The worry, guilt, and shame (maybe) will dissapear. It is not an overnight proccess, although sometimes it is.
Last week I wrote how I no longer loved my ex. This is true. 
All feelings I had for him are gone, perhaps the only remaining feeling is anger. 
I must let go of this anger, not for him, but for me. 

He did some pretty henious things I would have never thought possible. I was blinded. I was stupid.
At the end of the day, I pray for him (yes I still do), I pray for myself, I pray for everyone who has ever crossed their path into mine.

Praying and spirituality helps me heal. I am in a good place. The truth hurt but it also released me.

I was a damn good wife, I made the mistake of marrying someone who did not appreciate nor wante a good wife by his side. Lesson learned. We move on, we make ourselves happy.

Hugs to you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> I shivered when I read "Mr. Perfect".


Sorry, I dont mean that he is perfect, he just SHOULD be a perfect match for me, make sense? Everything about him is exactly what I have been looking for in a potential partner, but I have ZERO attraction to him. I have been out with him a few times hoping that some kind of spark or click will happen for me, and it just isnt. Sucks.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> There were 1 or 2 I thought would grow on me, I was wrong.


I can so relate to that. Thing is, it never does grow for me if I don't get a sense of it from the beginning...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry, I dont mean that he is perfect, he just SHOULD be a perfect match for me, make sense? Everything about him is exactly what I have been looking for in a potential partner, but I have ZERO attraction to him. I have been out with him a few times hoping that some kind of spark or click will happen for me, and it just isnt. Sucks.


If you've tried a few times and it's a no go, that should be enough for you to let it go and move on from it. If it's not working out that way, you have some self evaluating to do.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> It has been a long day. I wish I believed in love or fairy tales or something upbeat. Blah. Instead, I keep finding reminders of and issues connected to exh in my life. Do you guys still worry about your exes? When I try to move on, I sometimes feel guilty about it.


I don't worry about my ex at all. I don't think of him much at all these days, unless there's something that pops up randomly in conversation.

For example, the other day I was with a friend, and Seth MacFarlane's new movie came up. I said I was on the fence about seeing it, and was going to leave it at that. But my friend asked why, and all this came out:

_When I hear Seth MacFarlane's voice, even when I see it coming out of his mouth, I associate it with Brian Griffin from Family Guy. And while I don't have a problem with the Brian Griffin character, a just really hate that show._

My friend asks, why?

_It's mysogynistic, racists, homophobic, and my ex-husband loved it. He knew how much I hated it, and he refused to change the channel when it came on, even though he KNEW how offensive I found it, and then he would get pissed at me when I would leave the room because Sunday nights was supposed to be our "quality time." And because he seemed to think it was OK to treat me the way that Peter Griffin treats his wife.

I can't hear Seth MacFarlane's voice without going through that mental association in my head. I can't sit through two hours of constantly being reminded that my husband treated me like sh*t for so many years, and for some reason I put up with it for all that time._

You don't expect that sh*t to happen, for all of a sudden something liek that to come up in convo; it just does.

My thoughts these days are more focused on ME and fixing my issues. I don't give a sh*t about him. I'm just glad he's gone.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FIP, I hear ya. I felt the same way about certain shows, songs, etc.

I dislike lowbrow humor. He used to want to watch the stupid Jerry Springer show and get high. No wonder he was a lawschool dropout. He only wanted to watch cop shows or boxing and made fun of any sitcom I liked so I stopped watching TV in general. I'd read. 

So I associate those things with him still. That's the reason I dislike The Beatles. He would go on and on about how great they were to get such sound out of so few instruments... I think that's why I'm not interested in older men anymore after spending so many years with someone 12 years older.

But mostly I don't think about him day to day. And when I do, it's a quick association and over. I had a friend point out a year or so after we had separated that I still said "we" when I mentioned something about the past - "when we went skiing..." - I learned to change that to "when I went skiing..." because whether or not I was married or with someone at the time of the activity had become irrelevant. Now it is also omitted from my past, not just my present or future.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> FIP, I hear ya. I felt the same way about certain shows, songs, etc.
> 
> I dislike lowbrow humor. He used to want to watch the stupid Jerry Springer show and get high. No wonder he was a lawschool dropout. *He only wanted to watch cop shows or boxing and made fun of any sitcom I liked so I stopped watching TV in general. I'd read. *
> 
> So I associate those things with him still. That's the reason I dislike The Beatles. He would go on and on about how great they were to get such sound out of so few instruments... I think that's why I'm not interested in older men anymore after spending so many years with someone 12 years older.


This happened with me and XH2. We only watched shows that HE liked, if I wanted to watch something else, I would watch the TV in the bedroom...he would come into the bedroom to go off and spew venom about whatever show I was watching. It was total insanity! I also would try to read, I was always a big reader, and he would harass me the entire time I "tried" to read! He was not well read at all, (read, not very smart!) and just could not wrap his head around WHY someone would choose to sit and read! Literally, he would say "how can you sit there and just read?? How can anyone just read??". 

Its funny how our minds work, as far as triggers.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I also would try to read, I was always a big reader, and he would harass me the entire time I "tried" to read! He was not well read at all, (read, not very smart!) *and just could not wrap his head around WHY someone would choose to sit and read!* Literally, he would say "how can you sit there and just read?? How can anyone just read??".


Oh I had an ex like this. Just made me want to chuck my books at his head. (I didn't).


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> Oh I had an ex like this. Just made me want to chuck my books at his head. (I didn't).


Yeah, he's criticize what I read, too. But I'll read anything. He would read the newspaper every day, which is great, but nothing else. He suggested I read Zig Ziglar. I'll read romance to mystery to history to bios... whatever appeals at the moment.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I also would try to read, I was always a big reader, and he would harass me the entire time I "tried" to read! He was not well read at all, (read, not very smart!) and just could not wrap his head around WHY someone would choose to sit and read! Literally, he would say "how can you sit there and just read?? How can anyone just read??".
> 
> Its funny how our minds work, as far as triggers.


BAH!!!! my exH was the same way. He would actually BRAG about not reading though. He found it dull and boring and "never read books for enjoyment b/c only nerds like to read"

Gosh he was such a moron. 

Same reactions with tv shows - could only watch what he wanted and if I wasn't in his presence during these shows that I hated (i.e. 12 hours of football on Sundays) he would start with the verbal bashing how I never liked what he did and would never take an interest in his "hobbies". :scratchhead:

I really don't think about him ever unless I'm triggered similar to what FIP said. Like this whole book reading/tv thing.


----------



## Awakening2012

I got triggered pretty badly this morning when I ran into my Ex-MIL who was volunteering at the polling station where I went to vote in our primary election. She spotted me first, and came towards me with the open arms "gimme a hug" gesture. So we both smiled and had a quick hug, and I went on my way. But I had to fight back tears in the car all the way to work. She was always very kind to me, and we used to be family. I'm OK, but that encounter just ripped open some painful feelings about the loss of my marriage. I thought I had made progress with moving on, but clearly I still care and still have feelings of missing my XH.

It helps to read about all the X's knucklehead irritating behaviors -- mine wasn't much of a reader wither, and def controlled the remote  

Best,- A12


----------



## Dollystanford

I finally sold my engagement and wedding ring today. Did it on the most famous street in London for diamonds and jewellery, just round the corner from the office where I first met the ex, walked past all the old haunts and pubs

Love London in the sunshine, didn't experience one pang of sadness or regret

I do feel that I have properly healed


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Isnt THAT the truth! My Mr perfect match that I have been out with a few times, I should be crawling all over him by now, and I'm not...that attraction is just NOT there for me. And I've never had this issue before, *I have always managed to just meet people and it happens, you know? This is why I have given up trying to meet someone online.*


Same here. I have stopped online dating for the past 2-3 months now and have to say I do not miss it at all. I don't miss dating either. I am absolutely loving my alone time and I never thought I would be at a place like this. I mean I am really truly enjoying it.


----------



## Another Planet

I must have lucked out because as I have said before my exWife is absolute garbage and I do not miss her AT ALL.

She even gives me little reminders every once in a while why she is so terrible such as yesterday...she was picking the kids up from my place and my son was having a hard time because he didn't want to go. So she decides the appropriate behavior would be to throw a fit and start screaming at him and to shame him by telling him about how much she does for him and how ungrateful he is! All while my son is balling his eyes out.
I just stood there for a few seconds with my mouth open staring at her until I covered my mouth in disbelief. I went and gave my son a hug and kiss and told him I love him and convinced him to go to her car. 
I just didn't even know what to say to her at that point and just looked at her and accidentally laughed out loud and said I couldn't believe she was doing that. Then she started in on me *****ing me out about why I thought it was so funny that my son wasn't listening to her and how he doesn't respect her and it is all my fault and how I probably convinced him to act like that. 
I just told her after that she has got to get out of my house.....
If she wasn't taking the kids to group therapy I would have just kept them there with me.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry, I dont mean that he is perfect, he just SHOULD be a perfect match for me, make sense? Everything about him is exactly what I have been looking for in a potential partner, but I have ZERO attraction to him. I have been out with him a few times hoping that some kind of spark or click will happen for me, and it just isnt. Sucks.


Well..... so are you looking for "infactuation" or are you looking for "love". People talk about "spark" as it is something that should be there initially. Truth be known, I didn't feel "spark" with my gf for almost two months. It has slowly grown and grown to a point that I can say that I love her. In fact, I would say that at the beginning I looked at her as a friend because she was very fun. 

It isn't some "butterfly in the belly" love, though. It is a deep appreciation and fondness. Sometimes you have to lead your heart to what is good for you. I may not be the case for you, but action before emotion is how the human emotional psyche is made up.


----------



## Jellybeans

But what if you are not sexually attracted to someone, Dedicated? Then what? Do you stay the course because they are kind even if you don't want to sleep with them?

To me that is not fair to either person.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Same here - I've never felt an immediate spark. Ever.

ETA after I read JB's post...

No, the attraction grows. You start to really care about WHO they are and they they just start becoming more attractive to you. I grew to really like and care about this one guy and therefore was attracted to him/wanted to be physical with him even tho I didn't feel a spark initially.

It's not that I'm NEVER attracted to them - just not initially.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> But what if you are not sexually attracted to someone, Dedicated? Then what? Do you stay the course because they are kind even if you don't want to sleep with them?
> 
> To me that is not fair to either person.


Seems like something you'd hear from a new poster talking about their failed marriage.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> So I associate those things with him still. That's the reason I dislike The Beatles. *He would go on and on about how great they were to get such sound out of so few instruments*... I think that's why I'm not interested in older men anymore after spending so many years with someone 12 years older.



Sir George Martin was a genius


----------



## FeministInPink

Wow, Enj, vi, 3x, JB... I can't believe we all experienced nearly the same thing. And I always wondered if I was overreacting by getting so upset when he would pull this crap. Now I KNOW I'm not crazy or overreacting.


----------



## Dollystanford

Mine was the same. Refused to watch anything I wanted to watch (and sneered about it) but I had to sit and watch documentaries on Discovery or programmes about fixing cars 

Amazing what we put up with. And now I don't have to - what bliss


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I grew to really like and care about this one guy and therefore was attracted to him/wanted to be physical with him even tho I didn't feel a spark initially.
> 
> It's not that I'm NEVER attracted to them - just not initially.


I see. Maybe we are just all built differently with how we experience these things. 



06Daddio08 said:


> Seems like something you'd hear from a new poster talking about their failed marriage.


What a prickly comment. You seem to be getting pretty defensive about certain posts, or how people describe a way that they are attracted which may differ from you; like at 3x's reference to "Mr. Perfect." Maybe you're in a weird mood this week. But your post came across as kind of frustrated or upset about ... something.


----------



## Ikaika

I feel fortunate we don't watch much television, don't even have cable. We both enjoy listening to music on Pandora, either jazz or Hawaiian music


----------



## Dollystanford

I don't care what anyone else says about a 'spark'

I know whether or not I fancy you within five minutes. If we get on well too then bonus

But if that initial attraction isn't there it's unlikely to grow (well it never has)


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Jellybeans said:


> But what if you are not sexually attracted to someone, Dedicated? Then what? Do you stay the course because they are kind even if you don't want to sleep with them?
> 
> To me that is not fair to either person.


JB, if that person is truly everything you are looking for, (i.e. fits in with all your dealbreakers), over time you will have the sexual attraction. When you do something nice for them, it creates an emotional connection. As you get to know them and they are a giving, caring type person, you tell them things you like. This is all an action......which over time leads to emotion.

If this is something that is challenging for you (action to emotion), it is definitely something to focus on individually as it will pay huge dividends with your partner down the road.

And, yes, I made a conscious decision to do this with my gf. She is an amazing person and exactly what I need to have long lasting love in a relationship. It took a while to get there, though.

I know...it takes all the "fun and romance" out of it doesn't it? lol


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Wow, Enj, vi, 3x, JB... I can't believe we all experienced nearly the same thing. And I always wondered if I was overreacting by getting so upset when he would pull this crap. Now I KNOW I'm not crazy or overreacting.


No you are not. What is disheartening is I have seen similar characteristics with guys I have dated. Oh I need to check out this show and this show and this show b/c I would LOVE IT. But when mentioning the shows I like to watch it was always "I hate that actor/show/actress/network" 

Guess another flag to watch out for - being unwilling to compromise on movies/tv shows.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jelly. What I'm saying is staying with someone who you don't feel compatible with is one of the reasons why relationships fail.

No defensiveness, frustration or emotion attached to that. It's just fact. 

As for "Mr. Perfect", I feel that the thought process for that can be dangerous.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> But if that initial attraction isn't there it's unlikely to grow (well it never has)


Word.



vi_bride04 said:


> Guess another flag to watch out for - being unwilling to compromise on movies/tv shows.


Double word.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Jelly. What I'm saying is staying with someone who you don't feel compatible with is one of the reasons why relationships fail.
> 
> No defensiveness, frustration or emotion attached to that. It's just fact.


Sorry. I totally read/interpreted what you wrote wrong. And you're right - no compatibility or ever wanting to fvck = doomed relationship.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Sorry. I totally read/interpreted what you wrote wrong. And you're right - no compatibility or ever wanting to fvck = doomed relationship.


All good.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> As for "Mr. Perfect", I feel that the thought process for that can be dangerous.


Couldn't agree with this more. I've had the same perspective at one time. But it helps to realize no one is perfect, even in terms of compatibility. 

When having such high regard for someone, it can end with them being on a pedestal and well, I think everyone here knows what is not the best situation for a healthy relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well that's what she was saying - that on paper, he should seem like "Mr. Perfect" but he wasn't for her. They were not compatible.


----------



## vi_bride04

"Perfect" doesn't exist. Period. With anything. 

Like a unicorn it is a myth lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

Compliment not complicate.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dammit. I was holding out hope for a unicorn! 

:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well..... so are you looking for "infactuation" or are you looking for "love". People talk about "spark" as it is something that should be there initially. Truth be known, I didn't feel "spark" with my gf for almost two months. It has slowly grown and grown to a point that I can say that I love her. In fact, I would say that at the beginning I looked at her as a friend because she was very fun.
> 
> It isn't some "butterfly in the belly" love, though. It is a deep appreciation and fondness. Sometimes you have to lead your heart to what is good for you. I may not be the case for you, but action before emotion is how the human emotional psyche is made up.


Dedicated, I really appreciate this post. I was wondering if this every happens for men --> not being initially attracted, but growing into it over time. Because this is how it happens for me; the better I get to know a person, the more attractive they become to me.

I've been specifically curious about this because of what's been going on with me lately. I haven't been posting much about what's going on in my life, just responding to what's been going on here. 

Well, back in late February or early March, I told karaoke hat (mentioned here and here), who I had been spending a fair amount of time with, that I was interested in something more. His response: "You just got divorced. We're in two very different places right now. For now, I think of you as a really, really good friend who likes the same stuff I do, and who's a lot of fun." And we left it at that. I assumed that was his nice way of letting me down easy.

But since then... nothing has happened, we're still just friends. But we go out 2-3 times a week, usually just the two of us. He IMs me all the time, and I've become his +1 for a lot of events, etc. He IMs me to say goodnight, and a lot of time he's the first person to IM me in the morning. And it's not like the guy doesn't have friends already, he has a lot of friends. He has other female friends, but none he sees as often or one-on-one. I haven't dated anyone since the divorce, and he's not dating, either. Initially, he was encouraging me to get out and date, but he hasn't done that for a while.

So, anyway... it just makes me wonder if he was being literal when he said about being in different places. Maybe he wasn't brushing me off? We've been making some longer-term plans; we've bought tix for a concert two months from now, and we're going to NYC in August. And he's been talking about stuff we should do... next year.

Whatever. I'm not worried about it. I'm enjoying myself, and he makes me feel special, even if his intentions aren't romantic and never will be. I'll just be bummed when he DOES start dating someone, and I won't get to see him as much.


----------



## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> JB, if that person is truly everything you are looking for, (i.e. fits in with all your dealbreakers), over time you will have the sexual attraction. When you do something nice for them, it creates an emotional connection. As you get to know them and they are a giving, caring type person, you tell them things you like. This is all an action......which over time leads to emotion.
> 
> If this is something that is challenging for you (action to emotion), it is definitely something to focus on individually as it will pay huge dividends with your partner down the road.
> 
> And, yes, I made a conscious decision to do this with my gf. She is an amazing person and exactly what I need to have long lasting love in a relationship. It took a while to get there, though.
> 
> *I know...it takes all the "fun and romance" out of it doesn't it? lol*


I don't think so. If it wasn't fun getting to know each other, you wouldn't have bothered. And I think the fact that you *chose* her rather than being driven purely by hormones is very romantic.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Dedicated, I really appreciate this post. I was wondering if this every happens for men --> not being initially attracted, but growing into it over time. Because this is how it happens for me; the better I get to know a person, the more attractive they become to me.
> 
> I've been specifically curious about this because of what's been going on with me lately. I haven't been posting much about what's going on in my life, just responding to what's been going on here.
> 
> Well, back in late February or early March, I told karaoke hat (mentioned here and here), who I had been spending a fair amount of time with, that I was interested in something more. His response: "You just got divorced. We're in two very different places right now. For now, I think of you as a really, really good friend who likes the same stuff I do, and who's a lot of fun." And we left it at that. I assumed that was his nice way of letting me down easy.
> 
> But since then... nothing has happened, we're still just friends. But we go out 2-3 times a week, usually just the two of us. He IMs me all the time, and I've become his +1 for a lot of events, etc. He IMs me to say goodnight, and a lot of time he's the first person to IM me in the morning. And it's not like the guy doesn't have friends already, he has a lot of friends. He has other female friends, but none he sees as often or one-on-one. I haven't dated anyone since the divorce, and he's not dating, either. Initially, he was encouraging me to get out and date, but he hasn't done that for a while.
> 
> So, anyway... it just makes me wonder if he was being literal when he said about being in different places. Maybe he wasn't brushing me off? We've been making some longer-term plans; we've bought tix for a concert two months from now, and we're going to NYC in August. And he's been talking about stuff we should do... next year.
> 
> Whatever. I'm not worried about it. I'm enjoying myself, and he makes me feel special, even if his intentions aren't romantic and never will be. I'll just be bummed when he DOES start dating someone, and I won't get to see him as much.


Are you guys having sexy sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

It sounds like you are dating. It also sounds like you like him. So be cautious if he is only wanting something low key/friend.

Does he flirt? Ever try to lay one on you? Have you had sexual relations? (LOL)


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> It sounds like you are dating. It also sounds like you like him. So be cautious if he is only wanting something low key.
> 
> Does he flirt? Ever try to lay one on you? Have you had sexual relations? (LOL)


There's no physical component at this point, which is the only reason I would say we are NOT dating. 

And I do like him, very much so. But I'm very aware that it may not be reciprocated, so I'm proceeding with caution, and just enjoying it for what it is.

He doesn't flirt; it's not his style. But he compliments me all the time.

He's also very cautious and deliberate. He's a former Air Force JAG (now on reserve), and he's handled a lot of divorces professionally, and has watched a lot of his friends go through it. So I can see why he would be very cautious with me.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Are you guys having sexy sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish! I just had my two-year no sex anniversary last week


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> But I'm very aware that it may not be reciprocated


Proceed with caution as you are.

I am not sure I've ever had a guy who wasn't into me be suddenly into me. They either want to jump off a bridge and wife me or never waiver from not being "that" into me... :rofl:

Hopefully JAG wakes his eyeballs up to the hotness that you are.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Proceed with caution as you are.
> 
> I am not sure I've ever had a guy who wasn't into me be suddenly into me. They either want to jump off a bridge and wife me or never waiver from not being "that" into me... :rofl:
> 
> Hopefully JAG wakes his eyeballs up to the hotness that you are.


That's because you're JB


----------



## Jellybeans

Gift and curse, my friend.

Gift and curse.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> "Perfect" doesn't exist. Period. With anything.
> 
> Like a unicorn it is a myth lol


Let me clarify, I am NOT searching for perfect! I do not EXPECT, perfect. I have referred to this guy as Mr perfect match because so many things about him are just what I have been looking for and what I like. All things considered, we are a great match. But there HAS to be a mutual attraction. It doesnt have to be explosive chemistry from the start, but at some point attraction is necessary for things to progress. We have been out several times. I have never felt the urge to reach out and touch him, or kiss him, ANY of those times. In fact, I find myself searching the room for other men a lot when we go out.  And I am not even meaning to!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> We have been out several times. I have never felt the urge to reach out and touch him, or kiss him, ANY of those times. In fact, I find myself searching the room for other men a lot when we go out.  And I am not even meaning to!


:rofl: You gotta stop hanging out with him, 3x. Your panties are just not that into him.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: You gotta stop hanging out with him, 3x. Your panties are just not that into him.


Haha, right??


----------



## lisab0105

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, right??


It could also be that he isn't in some way treating you like crap, therefore, he isn't challenging you enough. I mean, after all the drama with Mr. NoChem, someone normal and decent might seem boring. 

That is typically what happens when women get used to the "bad boys". The chase masks itself as attraction, anything easier and it is deemed lackluster in comparison. 

Not saying that is definitely the case with you, 3X, but I think Mr. Dumbass did do a number on you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'd be considered drool on the pillow boring compared to the "bad boys".


----------



## Jellybeans

lisab0105 said:


> after all the drama with Mr. NoChem, someone normal and decent might seem boring.


I hear you but maybe she's just not that into him. 

Fact is, we're not going to like every single person we go on a date with or like every person that likes us. And that is probably a good thing.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> I'd be considered drool on the pillow boring compared to the "bad boys".


Boring is way sexier than d-uchebag.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

FeministInPink said:


> Dedicated, I really appreciate this post. I was wondering if this every happens for men --> not being initially attracted, but growing into it over time. Because this is how it happens for me; the better I get to know a person, the more attractive they become to me.
> 
> I've been specifically curious about this because of what's been going on with me lately. I haven't been posting much about what's going on in my life, just responding to what's been going on here.
> 
> Well, back in late February or early March, I told karaoke hat (mentioned here and here), who I had been spending a fair amount of time with, that I was interested in something more. His response: "You just got divorced. We're in two very different places right now. For now, I think of you as a really, really good friend who likes the same stuff I do, and who's a lot of fun." And we left it at that. I assumed that was his nice way of letting me down easy.
> 
> But since then... nothing has happened, we're still just friends. But we go out 2-3 times a week, usually just the two of us. He IMs me all the time, and I've become his +1 for a lot of events, etc. He IMs me to say goodnight, and a lot of time he's the first person to IM me in the morning. And it's not like the guy doesn't have friends already, he has a lot of friends. He has other female friends, but none he sees as often or one-on-one. I haven't dated anyone since the divorce, and he's not dating, either. Initially, he was encouraging me to get out and date, but he hasn't done that for a while.
> 
> So, anyway... it just makes me wonder if he was being literal when he said about being in different places. Maybe he wasn't brushing me off? We've been making some longer-term plans; we've bought tix for a concert two months from now, and we're going to NYC in August. And he's been talking about stuff we should do... next year.
> 
> Whatever. I'm not worried about it. I'm enjoying myself, and he makes me feel special, even if his intentions aren't romantic and never will be. I'll just be bummed when he DOES start dating someone, and I won't get to see him as much.


When we met and started hanging out (about once a week), we would both laugh and talk about how we weren't ready for relationships and how we are both just getting out of divorces. It was light and fun. I was dating a few other people at the time that were pretty strong prospects. I do remember the first time I really thought about her in a romantic way. She met me for drinks after she finished crossfit (all sweaty and in workout clothes). I had convinced her to come spend an hour with me at a bar before her kids got home. (she had a strange visitation set up at first) I just remember her walking in smiling, and I thought.... "I want to be with her." I remember writing out her qualities and how they matched up with the things I was looking for the next day. It was an absolute decision.

That was about 6 weeks into us talking. I hadn't kissed her or anything at that point. One thing I learned about myself is that I absolutely love it when a woman is genuine and can communicate........LOVE IT.


----------



## hope4family

06Daddio08 said:


> I'd be considered drool on the pillow boring compared to the "bad boys".


I have to say, on the surface, I appear very boring. 

I kinda like it that way. I am looking for someone who appears equally boring.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Boring is way sexier than d-uchebag.


Haha. I find the typical mentality of the women in my age bracket wanting to "discover the world". I'm all for a little ambition but dang, I get sleepy at the thought of trying to keep up.




hope4family said:


> I have to say, on the surface, I appear very boring.
> 
> I kinda like it that way. I am looking for someone who appears equally boring.


I like my daily routines but I am open for pretty much anything outside of the usual.


----------



## hope4family

Dedicated2Her said:


> When we met and started hanging out (about once a week), we would both laugh and talk about how we weren't ready for relationships and how we are both just getting out of divorces. It was light and fun. I was dating a few other people at the time that were pretty strong prospects. I do remember the first time I really thought about her in a romantic way. She met me for drinks after she finished crossfit (all sweaty and in workout clothes). I had convinced her to come spend an hour with me at a bar before her kids got home. (she had a strange visitation set up at first) I just remember her walking in smiling, and I thought.... "I want to be with her." I remember writing out her qualities and how they matched up with the things I was looking for the next day. It was an absolute decision.
> 
> That was about 6 weeks into us talking. I hadn't kissed her or anything at that point. One thing I learned about myself is that I absolutely love it when a woman is genuine and can communicate........LOVE IT.


That communication and companionship is exactly what I am looking for right now. I am definitely not looking for a relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Haha. I find the typical mentality of the women in my age bracket wanting to "discover the world".


What's your age bracket?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> What's your age bracket?


Well I'm 30, so give or take a few years both ways.


----------



## hope4family

lisab0105 said:


> It could also be that he isn't in some way treating you like crap, therefore, he isn't challenging you enough. I mean, after all the drama with Mr. NoChem, someone normal and decent might seem boring.
> 
> That is typically what happens when women get used to the "bad boys". The chase masks itself as attraction, anything easier and it is deemed lackluster in comparison.
> 
> Not saying that is definitely the case with you, 3X, but I think Mr. Dumbass did do a number on you.


I do agree with your thinking. I know I have avoided relationships with people based solely on the fact that I don't want to find someone who "reminds me" of my ex. I wanna find someone....normal. 

In fact, my last fling which still makes my heart flutter only does so because it was "normal". Physical attraction was there, but it was way more emotional for me then sensual. 

The fact that she was amazingly attractive was just an added bonus.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

hope4family said:


> That communication and companionship is exactly what I am looking for right now. I am definitely not looking for a relationship.


Yeah. I hear you. Problem is, you go out and get drunk together...................wake up naked in the bed at your place. It's hard not to take it to relationship status when that starts happening. LOL


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dedicated2Her said:


> When we met and started hanging out (about once a week), we would both laugh and talk about how we weren't ready for relationships and how we are both just getting out of divorces. It was light and fun. I was dating a few other people at the time that were pretty strong prospects. I do remember the first time I really thought about her in a romantic way. She met me for drinks after she finished crossfit (all sweaty and in workout clothes). I had convinced her to come spend an hour with me at a bar before her kids got home. (she had a strange visitation set up at first) * I just remember her walking in smiling, and I thought.... "I want to be with her."* I remember writing out her qualities and how they matched up with the things I was looking for the next day. It was an absolute decision.
> 
> That was about 6 weeks into us talking. I hadn't kissed her or anything at that point. One thing I learned about myself is that I absolutely love it when a woman is genuine and can communicate........LOVE IT.


See, you DID have that moment! I can remember having that moment with someone I knew who I was not initially attracted to, until we did a casual hangout together as friends.


----------



## hope4family

@Daddio

What's wrong with wanting to see the world? A goal of mine is to take my son to see the world. I plan on when he is about 5-6 starting off slow with places like Ireland, and then doing Spain, Japan, Ohio (j/k), Germany, and or basically anywhere there is a Disney for starters. 

As he gets older, if he is really interested I want to climb a mountain with him.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> See, you DID have that moment! I can remember having that moment with someone I knew who I was not initially attracted to, until we did a casual hangout together as friends.


Yeah, after 6 weeks of hanging out, and literally putting her through a grinder of questions and situations. We had spent a LOT of time together by this time. I was thinking to myself that she has everything that I want, but I'm just into her as a friend. Then, that night went down where I thought..."I"m going to do this."

It wasn't instant fireworks still, though. That really started to happen on a trip together to the beach a couple of months later.


----------



## hope4family

Dedicated2Her said:


> Yeah. I hear you. Problem is, you go out and get drunk together...................wake up naked in the bed at your place. It's hard not to take it to relationship status when that starts happening. LOL


I haven't had that problem yet. 

I haven't discovered the correct amount of alcohol that allows me to just go with that. Although the chance usually presents itself and I have often wondered how much further I would have taken it had those 3 drinks she had effected me as much as the 7 that doesn't buzz me. 

I won't say never. But unless my tolerances falls through the floor I don't see it happening.


----------



## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> I haven't discovered the correct amount of alcohol that allows me to just go with that.


:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Let me clarify, I am NOT searching for perfect! I do not EXPECT, perfect. I have referred to this guy as Mr perfect match because so many things about him are just what I have been looking for and what I like. All things considered, we are a great match. But there HAS to be a mutual attraction. It doesnt have to be explosive chemistry from the start, but at some point attraction is necessary for things to progress. We have been out several times. I have never felt the urge to reach out and touch him, or kiss him, ANY of those times. *In fact, I find myself searching the room for other men a lot when we go out*.  And I am not even meaning to!


Yikes! That is a definite no :/


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Yikes! That is a definite no :/


I really really hated to admit that...


----------



## Dedicated2Her

hope4family said:


> I haven't had that problem yet.
> 
> I haven't discovered the correct amount of alcohol that allows me to just go with that. Although the chance usually presents itself and I have often wondered how much further I would have taken it had those 3 drinks she had effected me as much as the 7 that doesn't buzz me.
> 
> I won't say never. But unless my tolerances falls through the floor I don't see it happening.


Well.....I really, really, really, needed to get laid at that point.


----------



## hope4family

Dedicated2Her said:


> Well.....I really, really, really, needed to get laid at that point.


I empathize. 

Some of it is timing as well. If I had a woman there and ready at that time it would have been .....hard.

I do wish I had beer goggles & the mental capacity to say "I'm drunk enough" just when it's about to go down. 

Laughingly I have guy friend that I "rescue" when his beer goggles come on. Sometimes, I still let him go, because well, both parties obviously WANT something out of it. I also get something to laugh about later.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



hope4family said:


> @Daddio
> 
> What's wrong with wanting to see the world? A goal of mine is to take my son to see the world. I plan on when he is about 5-6 starting off slow with places like Ireland, and then doing Spain, Japan, Ohio (j/k), Germany, and or basically anywhere there is a Disney for starters.
> 
> As he gets older, if he is really interested I want to climb a mountain with him.


Someone who always has to be doing something and continuously needs "spontaneous" activities is exhausting. I keep myself pretty busy as is.

On a different note, I attempted a new personal best of 385 lbs with deadlifts ... I got it half way up clean and then felt a sudden pop and I had to let go. Barely was able to clean up the weights and I'm currently laying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas.

As a guy who prides himself in rarely getting injured, I'm not a happy camper right meow.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Someone who always has to be doing something and continuously needs "spontaneous" activities is exhausting. I keep myself pretty busy as is.
> 
> On a different note, I attempted a new personal best of 385 lbs with deadlifts ... I got it half way up clean and then felt a sudden pop and I had to let go. Barely was able to clean up the weights and I'm currently laying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas.
> 
> As a guy who prides himself in rarely getting injured, I'm not a happy camper right meow.


 Yuck that sucks...do you do straight leg DL also?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yuck that sucks...do you do straight leg DL also?


No. I bend the knees.


----------



## unsure78

Sorry to hear you are injured Up 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> No. I bend the knees.


i dont do 1 rep maxes on DL for this exact reason.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> i dont do 1 rep maxes on DL for this exact reason.


I was feeling great and lifting solid. Is what it is.  Give it a few days and I'll be back at it. Maybe not deadlifts right away lol.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

06Daddio08 said:


> I was feeling great and lifting solid. Is what it is.  Give it a few days and I'll be back at it. Maybe not deadlifts right away lol.


Yeah. I do 3 rep maxes on deads. I'm at 395 now, and that makes me very nervous. I've seen some guys really get messed up doing them. My new favorite lift is the front squat. You use so much in that lift.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Ok boys all this talk of working out... what can I do to get my legs better, im pretty awesome everywhere but dont care for my legs...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> Yeah. I do 3 rep maxes on deads. I'm at 395 now, and that makes me very nervous. I've seen some guys really get messed up doing them. My new favorite lift is the front squat. You use so much in that lift.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I kept my max at 315 until I was able to do it "with ease" and built up the proper muscle strength. Then I gradually increased it, 385 was the next step and this managed to happen. 
Giving it a day or so and taking it easy, if it doesn't feel better I'll go get it checked out.

Front squats? I love them. I love squats in general and I often find myself showing inexperienced kids how to do it properly.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Ok boys all this talk of working out... what can I do to get my legs better, im pretty awesome everywhere but dont care for my legs...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Squats and lunges will not only help your legs but your rear end as well.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> No. I bend the knees.


NO I mean in addition too reg DL


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> NO I mean in addition too reg DL


No. I toss in sumo squats from time to time.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> No. I toss in sumo squats from time to time.


Straight leg DL bumped my DL comfort up a ton. I would do(havent in a while) high reps with medium/light weight. I was using them as a warmup set at my best times. When they got too easy I would throw a plate under my toes to change the angle of my legs before I added weight. 
Give them a try for a week or two see what happens.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Ok boys all this talk of working out... what can I do to get my legs better, im pretty awesome everywhere but dont care for my legs...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lunges and running. 

Lots and lots and lots and lots of lunges. Walking lunges are the best.


----------



## ne9907

Today I sat next to the most handsome guy in our company and he shared his vanilla-coconut smoothie with me.


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Ok boys all this talk of working out... what can I do to get my legs better, im pretty awesome everywhere but dont care for my legs...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



http://youtu.be/Jg_rV4wXp3Q


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Boring is way sexier than d-uchebag.



l would love to hook up with a socially considered boring chick.
My ex was basically a homebody which sorta had me as one to in the end considering the wrestless spirit l normally was yet,we had the best s, home fun , living, outa anyone we knew by a mile. Weird but no , not really. We use to laugh at everyone else chasing their tails all the time.
Yeah we hit the fan , but it was nothing to do with any of that . l miss our kinda life though.
Mind you , we lived a huge life for years before we finally got to live like that, intestate , living all over .


----------



## johny1989

drerio said:


> Women's Squat Day with CT Fletcher: ITS STILL HER MUTHA ****IN SET!!! - YouTube


Wow this is Awesome... I want this type of trainer in gym... :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

Unsure - run, elliptical and SQUAT baby


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. Reposting here from another thread.











The DAMN truth!

We've all had our share.


----------



## unsure78

thanks everyone!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Waiting at the ER downtown. In the middle of the night I forced myself to get up (took a good 5 to 10 minutes) and while standing in the bathroom I started to get really dizzy, broke out into a sweat and felt like I was going to puke. Then I think I passed out and hit the floor.

Managed to get myself back into bed and just laid there until about 6. Decided I was going to call an ambulance to come get me, seeing as I have no one immediate to drive me.

Called the ex (accidentally woke her up) to see if she wanted to take the kids for the next day or two, plus pick them up for school. She asked me what was wrong, she could tell in my tone so I told her.

Right away she offered to drive me to the ER. I declined at first but she insisted, I sucked up my pride and accepted. D7 did an amazing job helping me with S6, made lunches and getting everything ready.

Ex came in with me to the ER and even waited a while after I was seated. The intake nurse asked her if she was my wife and I chuckled, "ex wife" she said.

Crossing my fingers that this isn't anything too serious. Laying down and sitting is tolerable but standing is hard. I have a very high tolerance for pain (to the point of it being a turn on at times) but this has me wincing.

Blarg!


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh gosh, I hope you are ok, Daddio. Keep us updated and REST.

Funny about the "ex wife" exchange w/ the nurse.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow, keep us posted Daddio! Ugh, dont you hate taking help from the ex? Been there, done that, lol!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Today I sat next to the most handsome guy in our company and he shared his vanilla-coconut smoothie with me.


Was it smooth? Was he smooth? Did you give him your number?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Daddio take care of yourself man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, keep us posted Daddio! Ugh, dont you hate taking help from the ex? Been there, done that, lol!


It's not ideal. I didn't intend on asking her for help but if I'm calling her in regards to the kids I'm not going to be disrespectful and tell her it's none of her business. If I didn't have the kids I would have just called an ambulance or waited a few more hours until a buddy mine was in the city.

S6 also has a school trip today that he's been waiting for. I didn't want him to miss out.

My ex was very genuine, concerned and I appreciated her offering to help. If anything it's taken me a bit off guard and left me keeping my emotions in check.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> There's no physical component at this point, which is the only reason I would say we are NOT dating.
> 
> And I do like him, very much so. But I'm very aware that it may not be reciprocated, so I'm proceeding with caution, and just enjoying it for what it is.
> 
> He doesn't flirt; it's not his style. But he compliments me all the time.
> 
> He's also very cautious and deliberate. He's a former Air Force JAG (now on reserve), and he's handled a lot of divorces professionally, and has watched a lot of his friends go through it. So I can see why he would be very cautious with me.


I am kinda liking this guy. It is going to be interesting to see what unfolds.


----------



## Fenix

Dedicated2Her said:


> When we met and started hanging out (about once a week), we would both laugh and talk about how we weren't ready for relationships and how we are both just getting out of divorces. It was light and fun. I was dating a few other people at the time that were pretty strong prospects. I do remember the first time I really thought about her in a romantic way. She met me for drinks after she finished crossfit (all sweaty and in workout clothes). I had convinced her to come spend an hour with me at a bar before her kids got home. (she had a strange visitation set up at first) I just remember her walking in smiling, and I thought.... "I want to be with her." I remember writing out her qualities and how they matched up with the things I was looking for the next day. It was an absolute decision.
> 
> That was about 6 weeks into us talking. I hadn't kissed her or anything at that point. One thing I learned about myself is that I absolutely love it when a woman is genuine and can communicate........LOVE IT.


Boy, does this progression sound familiar. 

eta: Daddio, hope it is nothing serious.


----------



## unsure78

Take care Up...eh sometimes you need help from even people you don't like... remember its in her best interest for you to be in good health as well...you are the father of her kids


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> Unsure - run, elliptical and SQUAT baby



I agree with Dolly.

My favorite routine: Elliptical, squat, lunges, push-ups, crunches, yoga.


----------



## moxy

Daddio, hope you feel better soon.


----------



## muskrat

Praying for a swift and speedy recovery for you Daddio.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Take care Up...eh sometimes you need help from even people you don't like... remember its in her best interest for you to be in good health as well...you are the father of her kids


We have a lot of history; good and bad. I'm keeping myself in the moment and not thinking beyond that. What she did was kind and for that I'm thankful.


----------



## Another Planet

Yikes Daddio! Take care man. I'm assuming its related to you workout injury yesterday?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yikes Daddio! Take care man. I'm assuming its related to you workout injury yesterday?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah it is.

Thankfully it only took 5 hours total at the ER. They believe it's a muscular problem and not a disc, from the examination they did.

So no xrays or ct scans to be had. They want me to remain as mobile as I can and return to work on light duties Monday. I'm on anti-inflammatory and pain meds.

Thanks everyone for the well wishes.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> There's no physical component at this point, which is the only reason I would say we are NOT dating.
> 
> And I do like him, very much so. But I'm very aware that it may not be reciprocated, so I'm proceeding with caution, and just enjoying it for what it is.
> 
> He doesn't flirt; it's not his style. But he compliments me all the time.
> 
> He's also very cautious and deliberate. He's a former Air Force JAG (now on reserve), and he's handled a lot of divorces professionally, and has watched a lot of his friends go through it. So I can see why he would be very cautious with me.
> 
> 
> 
> I am kinda liking this guy. It is going to be interesting to see what unfolds.
Click to expand...

Yeah, me too! At the very least, I know that he's not interested in just getting into my pants and then taking off. If he IS interested, he's taking his time and laying groundwork.

I've always jumped in so quickly, head-first, consequences be damned. This is VERY different.

And he's super respectful. And chivalrous. And considerate. And patient.

Even just as a friend, I'm gaining and learning so much from this relationship.


----------



## hope4family

moxy said:


> Daddio, hope you feel better soon.


----------



## poppyseed

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, me too! At the very least, I know that he's not interested in just getting into my pants and then taking off. If he IS interested, he's taking his time and laying groundwork.
> 
> I've always jumped in so quickly, head-first, consequences be damned. This is VERY different.
> 
> And he's super respectful. And chivalrous. And considerate. And patient.
> 
> Even just as a friend, I'm gaining and learning so much from this relationship.



I have some career-driven female friends, who do not have any sexual relationships with their respective male partner in a monogamous relationship who do not live together. They spend time together and go back to their busy career. I realize these may not be so typical but I do envy their style.

Sex does seem to confuse things, I admit. If a man still stays with her even there's no sex involved, that may mean a lot more?


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> Yeah it is.
> 
> Thankfully it only took 5 hours total at the ER. They believe it's a muscular problem and not a disk, from the examination they did.
> 
> So no xrays or ct scans to be had. They want me to remain as mobile as I can and return to work on light duties Monday. I'm on anti-inflammatory and pain meds.
> 
> Thanks everyone for the well wishes.


Take it easy and feel better soon


----------



## Lifescript

Have some rest. Hope you start feeling better soon man.


----------



## FeministInPink

poppyseed said:


> I have some career-driven female friends, who do not have any sexual relationships with their respective male partner in a monogamous relationship who do not live together. They spend time together and go back to their busy career. I realize these may not be so typical but I do envy their style.
> 
> Sex does seem to confuse things, I admit. If a man still stays with her even there's no sex involved, that may mean a lot more?


If it works for them, great. Personally, I feel that the physical/sexual aspect is a crucial part of a romantic, monogamous relationship. If my relationship with JAG doesn't go in that direction, at some point I will have to start reducing the time I spend with him and look for that fulfillment elsewhere. When exactly that would be, I can't say; I don't have a time frame for anything right now, I'm just taking each day as it comes. I'm not in a rush to get in a relationship just so I can be in a relationship; I have plenty of things to focus on right now, issues of my own that I want to work on.

We're going out tonight, dinner and then the theater, to see a play a mutual friend has worked on. Afterwards, there's a talk-back session; the actors and some of the production team do a Q&A with the audience. Should be fun!


----------



## poppyseed

FeministInPink said:


> We're going out tonight, dinner and then the theater, to see a play a mutual friend has worked on. Afterwards, there's a talk-back session; the actors and some of the production team do a Q&A with the audience. Should be fun!


Hi FeministInPink

Wise words. That sounds really, really lovely...! Enjoy your wonderful evening! xxx:smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

poppyseed said:


> I have some career-driven female friends, who do not have any sexual relationships with their respective male partner in a monogamous relationship who do not live together. They spend time together and go back to their busy career. I realize these may not be so typical but I do envy their style.
> 
> Sex does seem to confuse things, I admit. If a man still stays with her even there's no sex involved, that may mean a lot more?


Well, no. That is just weird.  But each to their own.

Laying the groundwork and valuing a relationship enough to wait until the other party is in the right frame of mind for it is different that a pwnb (partner with no benefits).


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Was it smooth? Was he smooth? Did you give him your number?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope, I did not give him my number

He has flirted with me in the past, but my policy is 
I do not sh!t where I eat 


Daddio, Hope you are doing well! Hugs


----------



## Another Planet

poppyseed said:


> I have some career-driven female friends, who do not have any sexual relationships with their respective male partner in a monogamous relationship who do not live together. They spend time together and go back to their busy career. I realize these may not be so typical but I do envy their style.
> 
> Sex does seem to confuse things, I admit. If a man still stays with her even there's no sex involved, that may mean a lot more?


My aunt is like that too just minus the relationship part she was just plain old single. She is now since retired but she just worked on her career and her life after her exHusband had an affair 30yrs ago. 

Me personally I don't think I could do it. I love passionate sex way to much, and I can't have real passionate sex with somebody unless I am in a more personal relationship with them which is why FB or ONS or FWB doesn't appeal to me at all.


----------



## RandomDude

Passionate sex is great... when you can find it.

For folks like me who are too picky for their own good, waiting out for someone would just mean 5-10 years of celibacy. I had a long dry spell before in my youth, after breaking up with my first during my teens.

For me I found that I neglected a lot of life's experiences through out that time, and by the time I had found someone I had no idea what to do nor had the knowledge necessary to maintain it despite attempting to correct the issue via FWBs/FBs. 

By the time I met my wife I still lacked the knowledge of how to maintain a healthy and passionate relationship and only through seperation and divorce had I learnt. Not only that but during my marriage I've learnt how masturbation/porn itself can cause ED as I'm no longer young anymore.

So in the end I'm back in the whole FWB business to keep my edge. It's not ideal, but what can one do? Love isn't something that one can just get.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> My aunt is like that too just minus the relationship part she was just plain old single. She is now since retired but she just worked on her career and her life after her exHusband had an affair 30yrs ago.
> 
> 
> 
> Me personally I don't think I could do it. I love passionate sex way to much, and I can't have real passionate sex with somebody unless I am in a more personal relationship with them which is why FB or ONS or FWB doesn't appeal to me at all.



I am sometimes afraid that this is what my life will be like -- all work, occasional FWBs, but no real deep connections with friends or romantic partners. Does she seem fulfilled by her work?


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man passionate sex.....how I miss that.

Just thinking about this one guy and naughty things makes my heart beat faster...I should see what he's up to...LMAO


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I am sometimes afraid that this is what my life will be like -- all work, occasional FWBs, but no real deep connections with friends or romantic partners.


Oh it's not that bad, it saves us the rather crippling pain of heartbreak


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Oh it's not that bad, it saves us the rather crippling pain of heartbreak


truth...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Don't you feel close to your kids and your friends though?
Love comes in so many forms, not just a sex partner.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> friends *with benefits*


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, me too! At the very least, I know that he's not interested in just getting into my pants and then taking off. If he IS interested, he's taking his time and laying groundwork.
> 
> I've always jumped in so quickly, head-first, consequences be damned. This is VERY different.
> 
> And he's super respectful. And chivalrous. And considerate. And patient.
> 
> Even just as a friend, I'm gaining and learning so much from this relationship.



His stuff sounds exactly like mine at the mo. l mean he's a totally different type of person yeah but his way in all this.
Yeah l have jumped in once or twice but that's it. But the vibe you get coming back from her when she sees you not jumping in is also so weird .
Everything is usually so fast now , and then there's sex sex sex everywhere you look , speak , hear , you can literally hear her cogs ticking over you know , what's this guy doing , what's he about , up to and the biggest - God is he gonna jump my bones or what . 
lt's a weird thing on my side because sometimes you sorta feel pressure to do something further, almost guilty for not. But l don't need to , l can tell all l need to know just by being around someone a little bit , or talking , or anything , just time .
ln my head and experience , l know only all too well how easily things get catapulted into crazy mixed feelings and emotion the minute you begin messing in anything heavier.
To me it's not worth it right now. 
So apart from one or two exceptions, l've pretty well been like that around every other girl l've met so far. 

Don't know if this will make sense it's hard to explain .


----------



## moxy

HNU, I'm mostly a solitary bird. No kids. Friends come and go.

Most of me goes into my art and my work. Never thought that connection to a romantic partner would really matter to me; only in recent months has this come up as a fear/anxiety: it will pass, I'm sure.

And, now I'm wishing FWB were in town because yay sex, but instead, I'm off to the gym and/or the living room with a novel.


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know guys...:/ 
I have told the story about my Godfather before who passed away suddenly from cancer a year ago but he reminds me everyday how lucky I am to have what I have. 
He was my dads best friend, he never had a real relationship and fcked probably thousands of women seriously. On his death bed he called my dad and mom to tell them how he wished he would have just settled down when he was younger and tried to have what they had. He died all alone.

Point I guess is sometimes instead of nitpicking negatives of everyone that crosses your path so no one ever gets closer then arms reach maybe you should give the positives a try and appreciate a person for who they really are inside.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I am sometimes afraid that this is what my life will be like -- all work, occasional FWBs, but no real deep connections with friends or romantic partners. Does she seem fulfilled by her work?


Yeah she was, now like I said she is retired and loving life traveling the country and visiting with friends and family. Oh no kids either.
Maybe it is all about perspective of your expectations of love like whoever said in an earlier post but you can love all kinds of things and she seems really happy


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Yeah she was, now like I said she is retired and loving life traveling the country and visiting with friends and family. Oh no kids either.
> Maybe it is all about perspective of your expectations of love like whoever said in an earlier post but you can love all kinds of things and she seems really happy


And maybe she had some action on the side that you just never knew about!?!


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> And maybe she had some action on the side that you just never knew about!?!


lol oh I know she did. We have had some great conversations together about life and love. 
So I guess it's all a matter of what you want out of your life to feel fulfilled, maybe that is really what is important. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around so why not it takes all kinds of love too!


----------



## vi_bride04

If your inner self is truly happy, what does it matter how that happiness is obtained?

I mean why apply "social standards" to what should make someone happy.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Yeah she was, now like I said she is retired and loving life traveling the country and visiting with friends and family. Oh no kids either.
> 
> Maybe it is all about perspective of your expectations of love like whoever said in an earlier post but you can love all kinds of things and she seems really happy



That's encouraging to hear.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> lol oh I know she did. We have had some great conversations together about life and love.
> So I guess it's all a matter of what you want out of your life to feel fulfilled, maybe that is really what is important. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around so why not it takes all kinds of love too!



Yeah ,l'm really looking forward to a full on relationship again now . 
l'm pretty damn surprised it hasn't come along yet tbh . This is the longest l've ever been single in my life.
But apart from beach house , no one else has fired me up yet. No rocket science needed it's really just as simple as that at my end .
When she does though , l've decided l'm good to go :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> That's encouraging to hear.




You got no kids mox ? So what are you divorced now , how long were you married?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> If your inner self is truly happy, what does it matter how that happiness is obtained?
> 
> I mean why apply "social standards" to what should make someone happy.


Yeah right on! What does it matter? If you are happy you are happy right?

A relationship should only multiply your personal potential happiness anyway. 
If in your travels you stumble upon someone else who shares or emulates your current loves and passions and you might want to include them in your life then that's awesome!

If you aren't happy before you get involved don't anticipate the other person making you happy cause you have to be happy first anyway!


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> I don't know guys...:/
> I have told the story about my Godfather before who passed away suddenly from cancer a year ago but he reminds me everyday how lucky I am to have what I have.
> He was my dads best friend, he never had a real relationship and fcked probably thousands of women seriously. On his death bed he called my dad and mom to tell them how he wished he would have just settled down when he was younger and tried to have what they had. He died all alone.
> 
> Point I guess is sometimes instead of nitpicking negatives of everyone that crosses your path so no one ever gets closer then arms reach maybe you should give the positives a try and appreciate a person for who they really are inside.


Well, as long as the heavens are willing my daughter will outlive me hence I don't have to worry about dying all alone. I've also lived and failed in a short marriage.

And it's not that I keep people at arm's reach because I'd like to, the women I've met since seperation simply aren't compatible. I'm not one to lead on a woman nor am I one to chase a woman who's already made up her mind to move on.

If I do meet someone who blows my mind away then sure, I'll be singing this tune:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUyu5prWjTE

But for over a year now, it hasn't happened. It may in a few years time but I'm not holding my breath. Regardless I'm just making do with what I've got and what fate has decided to grant me.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh man passionate sex.....how I miss that.
> 
> Just thinking about this one guy and naughty things makes my heart beat faster...I should see what he's up to...LMAO


Oy, tell me about it. Wait, on second hand, don't... I'm frustrated enough as it is. I'm worried that if it ever happens with JAG, I'm gonna break his equipment from over-use!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Well, as long as the heavens are willing my daughter will outlive me hence I don't have to worry about dying all alone. I've also lived and failed in a short marriage.
> 
> And it's not that I keep people at arm's reach because I'd like to, the women I've met since seperation simply aren't compatible. I'm not one to lead on a woman nor am I one to chase a woman who's already made up her mind to move on.
> 
> If I do meet someone who blows my mind away then sure, I'll be singing this tune:
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUyu5prWjTE
> 
> But for over a year now, it hasn't happened. It may in a few years time but I'm not holding my breath. Regardless I'm just making do with what I've got and what fate has decided to grant me.


RD are you comparing them to your ex wife or appreciating them for who they really are?

Man you aren't even divorced yet right?! Get that ship out of your way first and you might be able to have feelings for another woman after that. You can't get across that ****ty broke a$$ wooden bridge to the other side until you take the first step...


----------



## RandomDude

I wish it was THAT simple - Ex wife is nothing more to me then my daughter's mum. However I have my reasons for waiting out her decision not to sign her half as our relations may border on a cold war if the courts are to be involved - which isn't very pleasant for my daughter's upbringing especially at her vulnerable age. 

Our co-parenting arrangements are steady and healthy at present and as my daughter's welfare comes first I wish to keep it that way - not something I'll risk.

Besides the only one quality from my STBX that I look for in the women I've dated since seperation is simply non-materialism. The rest I leave to chemistry and compatibility in which I have not found anything mutual for over a year. I no longer have any feelings for ex and she seems to have moved on as well.


----------



## whitehawk

Exactly RD , it's pretty clear your not blocking or doing any other crap, you just haven't met her yet , very simple .
Basically the same with me although l have and in that way l was very lucky but she's blocking now sooooo, not much choice but to move on .

My ex is on hold with signing to now , so considering the rush was her idea in the first place - scratch head :rofl:. l'm waiting it out to as l don't want my beautiful d put through more crap.
l actually take ex stalling as a compliment bc l know damn well she's got the chance to get rid of me now but hey , l'm just tooooo fkg good to throw away now that it's handed to her, l couldn't leave me either :rofl: .


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I wish it was THAT simple - Ex wife is nothing more to me then my daughter's mum. However I have my reasons for waiting out her decision not to sign her half as our relations may border on a cold war if the courts are to be involved - *which isn't very pleasant for my daughter's upbringing especially at her vulnerable age. *
> 
> *Our co-parenting arrangements are steady and healthy at present and as my daughter's welfare comes first I wish to keep it that way - not something I'll risk.*
> 
> Besides the only one quality from my STBX that I look for in the women I've dated since seperation is simply non-materialism. The rest I leave to chemistry and compatibility in which I have not found anything mutual for over a year. I no longer have any feelings for ex and she seems to have moved on as well.


I know...seriously with experience with what you are saying! 
And the wonderful peeps here at TAM and the best of the best here in the single lounge had told me for my experience. You have to take the step to severe those ties. You have to mate!
It can be different and it CAN be better. You have to rid your self of that old stuff. You don't think and you don't see yourself holding on but you are.

WH you too...let go man!


----------



## whitehawk

l was admittedly , only a few mths ago back to thinking ex this and that but l pretty well have it back into perspective now.
l have too huger stuff on right now to even give all that much thought anyway but it is
strange none the less, the old ex l would've saved my marriage for 12mths ago seems long gone these days.


----------



## familyfirst09

So how many of you men have pet names for your "man parts"? And how many of you tell your date what said pet name is?

Yes that's right, this was my second guy I met online. First date was great. Second date, well let's just say there won't be a third lol. He calls his "man parts" cocopeanut and actually told me I would have to call "him" by name because "he" demands respect. Frig he's lucky I didn't laugh directly in his face. 

So there's my funny for thursday morning . Hope everyone is doing well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> He calls his "man parts" cocopeanut and actually told me I would have to call "him" by name because "he" demands respect.


Oh my. On the second date? How did you respond?


----------



## Fenix

familyfirst09 said:


> So how many of you men have pet names for your "man parts"? And how many of you tell your date what said pet name is?
> 
> Yes that's right, this was my second guy I met online. First date was great. Second date, well let's just say there won't be a third lol. He calls his "man parts" cocopeanut and actually told me I would have to call "him" by name because "he" demands respect. Frig he's lucky I didn't laugh directly in his face.
> 
> So there's my funny for thursday morning . Hope everyone is doing well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

Cocopeanut? Sounds like this dude's son.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Thanks everyone for the well wishes.


:smthumbup: Rest up, Daddio.


----------



## familyfirst09

Lol! Well at first I thought he was joking so I laughed. That's when he said he was serious and "he" demands respect. I said sorry I am not saying that, it reminds me of my daughter's cereal!! (cocopuffs lol). So he said "ok you can call him Mr Peanut". I said "I won't be calling him anything and there's no need for you to share that with me!!"

We were in the middle of the city and he was driving so I couldn't get away so I tolerated him for a few more hours. He also talked and bragged about himself the entire time we were together, didn't ask me a single question. AND he was stoned the entire time!! Even sparked a dubey in a public!!! Then at the end of the date, which was a saturday afternoon, he assumed we were going to hang out saturday night. Yeah no. I left as soon as we got back. The next day I told him I was not interested and was honest about why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Lol! Well at first I thought he was joking so I laughed. That's when he said he was serious and "he" demands respect. I said sorry I am not saying that, it reminds me of my daughter's cereal!! (cocopuffs lol). So he said "ok you can call him Mr Peanut". I said "I won't be calling him anything and there's no need for you to share that with me!!"
> 
> The next day I told him I was not interested and was honest about why.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

This is one of the funniest dating stories I've read in this thread! Haha. What was the reasn you gave him "Because I don't like how you demand respect over your cocoapeanuts" - "because you got high on our date" ?


----------



## familyfirst09

So far I'm 0 for 2 in the online dating game but at least I'm getting some amusement out of it!!

I didn't bring up coco..lol, I told him it was because he lied about his drug use and also because he did not show any interest in me the entire time we were together. For 5 hours I listened to him go on and on even repeat some stories verbatim, I mean word for word!! And when I did try to talk a bit about myself he totally spaced out and then went right back to talking about himself like he didn't even hear me. 

When he told me he said he appreciated my honesty and blamed it on the fact that he did not like walking (we went for a walk around my city and the market) but it was his suggestion!! He said he would try harder in the future and didn't mean to make me feel insignificant. I told him there was no future. He kept texting me for a few days after but I haven't heard from him in 2 days now so I think I'm good lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> He said he would try harder in the future and didn't mean to make me feel insignificant. *I told him there was no future.* He kept texting me for a few days after but I haven't heard from him in 2 days now so I think I'm good lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: Omg sooooooo funny! A date who only talks about himself is so annoying! But I love your reply to him "there is no future." If he's anything like the guy I went out with, expect him to come back... I told this one guy THREE times I didn't want to date him and to this day he still hits me up, as recently as yesterday, when he invited me out for tacos. Lol.


----------



## familyfirst09

I actually have no doubt that I will hear from him, just a hunch I have. But I have no interest whatsoever. I have a date saturday night with a new guy lol. We shall see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

Tacos lol...that made me giggle!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> I actually have no doubt that I will hear from him, just a hunch I have. But I have no interest whatsoever. I have a date saturday night with a new guy lol. We shall see.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Woo hoo! Hopefully this one doesn't have a superior complex about his cocoapeanuts and how they are to be addressed!



familyfirst09 said:


> Tacos lol...that made me giggle!!!


Yeah. Lol. After the second time I reiterated I wasn't interested, he asked me if I wanted to meet his mom who was coming into town.


----------



## familyfirst09

This guy doesn't seem bad, retired navy guy. We've been chatting for a while now. Seems to be a bit on the shy side so I may scare him away lol. I think he has some social awkwardness being locked up on a ship for over 20 years, it's the vibe I'm getting thru chatting but we will see what happens when we meet on saturday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## familyfirst09

His mother?!?!?! Lololololol. That is friggin hilarious!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> I think he has some social awkwardness being locked up on a ship for over 20 years


Hehehe. If he's been lockd up on a ship that long, methinks he is going to be very happy to be out on a date with a woman! Smile and beam at him!

He's retired? How young are you? LOL. 



familyfirst09 said:


> His mother?!?!?! Lololololol. That is friggin hilarious!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And his sister and niece, too. 

Then he proceeded to send me a picture book on flickr of nearly every moment they spent together on their visit...


----------



## unsure78

ok hes winning me over.... just so sweet and thoughtful...im getting real feelings and stuff...little scary, I think I should remain a bit distant still for a bit of time


----------



## Another Planet

Interesting article on Men Cheating

Why All Men Cheat On Loyal Women | The MinorityEye


----------



## familyfirst09

Jellybeans said:


> Hehehe. If he's been lockd up on a ship that long, methinks he is going to be very happy to be out on a date with a woman! Smile and beam at him!
> 
> He's retired? How young are you? LOL.
> 
> 
> 
> And his sister and niece, too.
> 
> Then he proceeded to send me a picture book on flickr of nearly every moment they spent together on their visit...



He sounds like a gem JB!!

I'm not old!! I'm only 40. He's only 44, he served over 20 years and retired last year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha. That's why I said "how young are you?"


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> ok hes winning me over.... just so sweet and thoughtful...im getting real feelings and stuff...little scary, I think I should remain a bit distant still for a bit of time


WooHoo!
Don't be "distant" to play games but take time out to reflect on the situation because that is what a healthy person does...

Who am I kidding, do whatever you want to if he is in to you he will sense what you are doing and draw you even more near him and then you will really be in trouble


----------



## moxy

Familyfirst -- good luck with navy guy. Looks like you handled penis worship guy with panache. 

Jellybeans -- you meet such intense guys! Meeting his mom? Is he unaware of how awkward that would be for you? After all, he's not just trying to be your friend, but to date you; so, that's weird and too soon, right?

Unsure -- let yourself be won over!!!


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> WooHoo!
> Don't be "distant" to play games but take time out to reflect on the situation because that is what a healthy person does...
> 
> Who am I kidding, do whatever you want to if he is in to you he will sense what you are doing and draw you even more near him and then you will really be in trouble


Not playing games... just wanting to make sure hes going to stick around for a while before I really go all in... and that hes not like crazy underneath (and just hiding it well..lol)

Ive had men who were crazy for me for a month or two lose interest before... just being cautious

Though got to say he has been actions not just words... its impressed me, im so used to bull sh1t coming out of a guys mouth and this one -he backs it up


----------



## moxy

AP, I'm not sure how I feel about that article. On the one hand, it lauds strength in women, which is a good thing. On the other, it condemns women to the "weak" label for not being able to keep a man in check. What if the man (or male, as the author distinguishes) is playing head games in the first place? Even a strong woman can get lost in a haze of gas lighting, blame shifting, and emotional abuse. I was once much stronger than I am now. I think this article assumes that both men and women are self aware of strengths and weaknesses. While I appreciate the argument that men generally treat women in a way that isn't based on the woman's inherent worth and that his actions happen to reflect the man's own integrity or lack thereof, I also don't think it's right to condemn loyalty as weakness -- especially when so much of our American culture teaches women to be loyal in this way, to be the princess and not the queen. I like the fact that it draws distinctions between women who can own their power and self-worth and women who don't. I do, however, wish it would account for the ways in which an unhealthy dynamic in a relationship influences the self worth of those in it.

In all honesty, if I'd figuratively kicked my exh's ass a bit more often, he'd probably have stayed in line better; but I don't want to be a mommy and it's not my job to keep him in check. I can say that I tolerated way more than I should have, but it was because I didn't know the whole story. I was stronger, but now...I'm trying to put myself back together because my situation devastated me. I'd rather be a queen than a princess, anyway -- which is why I don't ever let a man take care of me, if I can take care of myself. I guess the article has me thinking about how we contend with ideas of equality and compatibility in romantic relationships.

Interesting. Thanks for posting it.


----------



## muskrat

familyfirst09 said:


> So how many of you men have pet names for your "man parts"? And how many of you tell your date what said pet name is?
> 
> Yes that's right, this was my second guy I met online. First date was great. Second date, well let's just say there won't be a third lol. He calls his "man parts" cocopeanut and actually told me I would have to call "him" by name because "he" demands respect. Frig he's lucky I didn't laugh directly in his face.
> 
> So there's my funny for thursday morning . Hope everyone is doing well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for sharing this. A good laugh is always welcome.
And no I do not have a pet name for my own body parts.
To me the real question is, how do you lovely ladies of TAM manage to find these men. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

So my new friend stopped over yesterday for a dinner date. We had a wonderful time. I won't be seeing her again for 9 days now. That may be for the best since it seems we are both very infatuated. A little distance could help from moving to fast.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Familyfirst -- Looks like you handled penis worship guy with panache.


:rofl:



moxy said:


> Jellybeans -- you meet such intense guys! Meeting his mom? Is he unaware of how awkward that would be for you?


Apparently not!

I think he thought it would endear me to him but it just made me scared. At that rate, he would have started dropping marriage hints by the fifth date.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You'd think I was a professional golfer with how I bend down to pick things up. Lol.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Not playing games... just wanting to make sure hes going to stick around for a while before I really go all in... and that hes not like crazy underneath (and just hiding it well..lol)
> 
> Ive had men who were crazy for me for a month or two lose interest before... just being cautious
> 
> Though got to say he has been actions not just words... its impressed me, im so used to bull sh1t coming out of a guys mouth and this one -he backs it up



I know this will make everyone love me, but.......

It takes 12 months of consistent action to know if someone is the real deal.....

I think it's ok to make yourself a little vulnerable, unsure. Just understand, that it may just be for a time. The truth comes out over time.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> I know this will make everyone love me, but.......
> 
> It takes 12 months of consistent action to know if someone is the real deal.....
> 
> I think it's ok to make yourself a little vulnerable, unsure. Just understand, that it may just be for a time. The truth comes out over time.


I agree that it takes considerable time to see the real someone...

Im going to continue to pay attention and evaluate for sure... and yes I know he could change his mind or I may decide hes not the guy for me... vulnerable is a little bit scary :/


----------



## vi_bride04

Dedicated2Her said:


> It takes 12 months of consistent action to know if someone is the real deal.....


Going to keep this in mind going forward. I can honestly say, any relationship I have been in, the consistency HAS NOT ever been there for that long of a time frame.


----------



## RandomDude

12 months? Heck, one can know some for 10 years and still won't know anything about them! Besides ex's true color only came out after tying the knot...

Argh >.<


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Going to keep this in mind going forward. I can honestly say, any relationship I have been in, the consistency HAS NOT ever been there for that long of a time frame.


Some people prefer the long con. I always seem to find myself involved with men who keep many secrets only to discover after some protracted length of time that the consistency I've noticed isn't really the whole picture. How a person will treat you when you're not a "sure thing" is different from how that person will treat you when he/she thinks you will stay. 



RandomDude said:


> 12 months? Heck, one can know some for 10 years and still won't know anything about them! Besides ex's true color only came out after tying the knot...
> 
> Argh >.<


Ugh. Am I actually agreeing with you? I think that many people don't show their true colors until marriage or cohabitation or whatever. 

There are no guarantees. In my opinion, it's better to stay in the moment. This statement might come from my trust issues, but, in all honesty, people will always leave you or you will leave them: either someone dies or someone drifts apart or someone betrays another, so the end is inevitable...but being in the present with someone can be pretty rewarding for however long that relationship lasts.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

RandomDude said:


> 12 months? Heck, one can know some for 10 years and still won't know anything about them! Besides ex's true color only came out after tying the knot...
> 
> Argh >.<


You have to ask the right questions and put them in situations to watch how they react. Most people are blind for the first couple of years because of the "spark" or "feelings". The ability to set those aside and truly see someone for who they are takes practice and being completely ok with yourself.


----------



## sandc

FF,
You're picking some weiners... I mean winners. 

And you may call me "Mr. Monster Zucchini"

No, I'm not going to tell you why.

Threadjack over.


----------



## RandomDude

Well to be fair, I probably brought out the worst in ex as well so...
Argh x2 >.<


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Some people prefer the long con. I always seem to find myself involved with men who keep many secrets only to discover after some protracted length of time that the consistency I've noticed isn't really the whole picture. How a person will treat you when you're not a "sure thing" is different from how that person will treat you when he/she thinks you will stay.
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh. Am I actually agreeing with you? I think that many people don't show their true colors until marriage or cohabitation or whatever.
> 
> There are no guarantees. In my opinion, it's better to stay in the moment. This statement might come from my trust issues, but, in all honesty, people will always leave you or you will leave them: either someone dies or someone drifts apart or someone betrays another, so the end is inevitable...but being in the present with someone can be pretty rewarding for however long that relationship lasts.


^^^ THIS.

Yes, there were small red flags I missed before we married, but he changed significantly after we married. And we were together for 5 years before we married. It was as if he was sucking in his gut, holding his breathe, and puffing out his chest just long enough to get the ring on my finger. He tried for a little bit to maintain it after we got married, but you can only fake it for so long before the facade starts to crack.


----------



## FeministInPink

At the same time, I also think that you can never know EVERYTHING about a person. When you start to make assumptions about your partner, based on what you already know, that's when you really start to get in trouble, especially if you fault your partner for not falling in line with your assumptions about how or who they should be.

EDIT: I mean, what a way to keep a relationship alive! Remembering every day that your partner is a unique person, and continuing to learn about him/her, and enjoying those little surprises of learning something new about them. That's something to be envied, I think.


----------



## RandomDude

What a sh-t morning... fking suit pants ripped along my butt while bending down >.<


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> What a sh-t morning... fking suit pants ripped along my butt while bending down >.<



You can get a needle and thread at nearly any drug store; easy temporary fix.


----------



## RandomDude

I suck at needling >.< Darn it, have to bring it to the laundry place to fix, a real pain cause I just dry cleaned the suit. Has to happen on a workday too... BAH!

*sigh* Single life is great until this sh-t happens!

:banghead:


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I suck at needling >.< Darn it, have to bring it to the laundry place to fix, a real pain cause I just dry cleaned the suit. Has to happen on a workday too... BAH!
> 
> *sigh* Single life is great until this sh-t happens!
> 
> :banghead:


RD since you are saying single life sucks when you need sewing done I am assuming you mean you need a women to do it for you? Am I correct with my assumption? 
Bring it to a tailor geez man, you don't need a women to take care of such a remedial task for you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> RD since you are saying single life sucks when you need sewing done I am assuming you mean you need a women to do it for you? Am I correct with my assumption?
> Bring it to a tailor geez man, you don't need a women to take care of such a remedial task for you.


But women are nothing more than sex slaves, sandwich makers and tailors! Well, as long as they pass "the test".


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> But women are nothing more than sex slaves, sandwich makers and tailors! Well, as long as they pass "the test".



LOL!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> But women are nothing more than sex slaves, sandwich makers and tailors! Well, as long as they pass "the test".


Nice to know you have such views of women, grow the fk up!



Another Planet said:


> RD since you are saying single life sucks when you need sewing done I am assuming you mean you need a women to do it for you? Am I correct with my assumption?
> Bring it to a tailor geez man, you don't need a women to take care of such a remedial task for you.


I am bringing it to a tailor, sheez, can't even vent about my inconvenience of my pants being ripped in the morning on a workday without getting flamed for it! Pffft


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Nice to know you have such views of women, grow the fk up!


Thanks for the laugh.


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> Thanks for the laugh.


Wow, this is news, you finally get a joke! :smthumbup:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Nice to know you have such views of women, grow the fk up!
> 
> 
> 
> I am bringing it to a tailor, sheez, can't even vent about my inconvenience of my pants being ripped in the morning on a workday without getting flamed for it! Pffft


We know why they busted. Something in there's gettin big. 
On a work day too. What ARE you doing at work????????


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> We know why they busted. Something in there's gettin big.
> On a work day too. What ARE you doing at work????????


:rofl:

It busted on my ass, not my... you know!

And no I'm not fat! So I have no idea how it happened! And it happened while getting ready! >.<


----------



## bandit.45

I did it again.

I went to Steve K's thread again.

I'm like one of those bison who, when a hunter flattens one of his buddies, instead of fleeing, hangs around the dead carcass and sniffs at it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I did it again.
> 
> I went to Steve K's thread again.
> 
> I'm like one of those bison who, when a hunter flattens one of his buddies, instead of fleeing, hangs around the dead carcass and sniffs at it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a horrible thing to watch


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> It's a horrible thing to watch


On a positive note, I have a date tomorrow night with a black lady. She's works for a business across from the building I'm constructing. She's really cool and beautiful. I've never gone out with a black woman before. Hope I don't fvck it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sandc

bandit.45 said:


> On a positive note, I have a date tomorrow night with a black lady. She's works for a business across from the building I'm constructing. She's really cool and beautiful. I've never gone out with a black woman before. Hope I don't fvck it up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't try to sound hip. Do not say "dawg" or "peeps" or "crib". White guys just can't pull it off.

Props to the peeps in yo' crib, dawg.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> I did it again.
> 
> I went to Steve K's thread again.
> 
> I'm like one of those bison who, when a hunter flattens one of his buddies, instead of fleeing, hangs around the dead carcass and sniffs at it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You just had to remind me of that thread. :rofl: I went there to get caught up. That thread is like a horrific accident you see coming. You try to look away, but can't help from watching.


----------



## bandit.45

sandc said:


> Don't try to sound hip. Do not say "dawg" or "peeps" or "crib". White guys just can't pull it off.
> 
> Props to the peeps in yo' crib, dawg.


Okay now I'm scared.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> You just had to remind me of that thread. :rofl: I went there to get caught up. That thread is like a horrific accident you see coming. You try to look away, but can't help from watching.


If he were a horse I'd put him out of his misery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> On a positive note, I have a date tomorrow night with a black lady. She's works for a business across from the building I'm constructing. She's really cool and beautiful. I've never gone out with a black woman before. Hope I don't fvck it up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just be yourself. She's just a woman like any other. Treat it like any other date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> On a positive note, I have a date tomorrow night with a black lady. She's works for a business across from the building I'm constructing. She's really cool and beautiful. I've never gone out with a black woman before. Hope I don't fvck it up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can you be sure? Some black women are really very light skinned. Some 'white' people don't even know they're black until they have a baby then they are WTF I am pretty darn sure I didn't cheat! (Haha, my ex wanted paternity testing for one of our kids. Funny!) You can't always judge a book by its cover, you have to look inside. And inside there are all different flavors of people. Try not to focus on color, but on beauty inner and out, you will have more fun.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Can you be sure? Some black women are really very light skinned. Some 'white' people don't even know they're black until they have a baby then they are WTF I am pretty darn sure I didn't cheat! (Haha, my ex wanted paternity testing for one of our kids. Funny!) You can't always judge a book by its cover, you have to look inside. And inside there are all different flavors of people. Try not to focus on color, but on beauty inner and out, you will have more fun.


Oh she's a beautiful black woman. I'm intimidated a little by how pretty she is. She's 42, never married but has a grown son. And I'm like you, I could care less about color. I just wonder if there are cultural differences I need to be aware of. But then I remember how easy she is to talk to. 

Just me being my worrisome goofball self.


----------



## ne9907

Day number I dont know...
Dear singles
Today I was playing my guitar with the commander, It was about 9pm, I was tired and sleepy.
I got up, and told him i was heading to bed and he said
"sweet dreams"

I thought it was weird.


----------



## moxy

NE, why is that weird? I think that's the polite thing to say to someone who has announced that he/she is going to bed. Am I missing something? Were you inviting him with you and weirded out that he didn't pick up on it? Were you surprised to hear "sweet dreams" instead of "good night"? Not sure I understand the weirdness.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Oh she's a beautiful black woman. I'm intimidated a little by how pretty she is. She's 42, never married but has a grown son. And I'm like you, I could care less about color. I just wonder if there are cultural differences I need to be aware of. But then I remember how easy she is to talk to.
> 
> 
> 
> Just me being my worrisome goofball self.



My sometimes FWB and I are ostensibly from different cultures. However, we're both also Texan and American. It is entirely possible that we have both fetishized each other to some extent, but, you know what I love most about our interactions (aside from the hot sex, of course)? The fact that neither of us makes a thing about cultural differences and that we both just share what we want to share and just let that be. Drawing too much attention to cultural differences makes things awkward; at the very least, physical attraction is mutually there, so if all else fails, just get down to the effing. 

Of course, now I'm missing the hot sex which isn't currently available for me, so I'm wishing you some on your date, Bandit!


----------



## RandomDude

Just focus on the similarities and you'll be fine!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> My sometimes FWB and I are ostensibly from different cultures. However, we're both also Texan and American. It is entirely possible that we have both fetishized each other to some extent, but, you know what I love most about our interactions (aside from the hot sex, of course)? The fact that neither of us makes a thing about cultural differences and that we both just share what we want to share and just let that be. Drawing too much attention to cultural differences makes things awkward; at the very least, physical attraction is mutually there, so if all else fails, just get down to the effing.
> 
> Of course, now I'm missing the hot sex which isn't currently available for me, so I'm wishing you some on your date, Bandit!


It's weird, when I was a teenager my first two girlfriends were Latinas. One them was the daughter of a Tucson Pachuco....a veterano....a real deal, old school gangster. I was scared to death of him. But when I ran into her a few years ago she laughed and said of all the boys she brought home, I was her dad's favorite. :rofl:

I have always preferred women of other races and ethnic backgrounds. I'm drawn to them. Just like I was with Syrian. I don't know why. :scratchhead:

Don't worry Moxy. You are overdue for some loving and something has to give.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I have always preferred women of other races and ethnic backgrounds. I'm drawn to them. Just like I was with Syrian. I don't know why. :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't worry Moxy. You are overdue for some loving and something has to give.



Just another thought on diversity: Color isn't always the same as culture; however, I totally dig both other colors and other cultures than my own (as well as those similar to mine). 

I agree in the overdue thing; FWB and I are still kicking it, even though he's moved away now so it's not as often. I feel like it's been months, even though I think it's only been a week and a half. How did I survive so long without it and why can't I just have it every day? Blah. Oh, because work is something that happens, too.


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> At the same time, I also think that you can never know EVERYTHING about a person. When you start to make assumptions about your partner, based on what you already know, that's when you really start to get in trouble, especially if you fault your partner for not falling in line with your assumptions about how or who they should be.
> 
> EDIT: I mean, what a way to keep a relationship alive! Remembering every day that your partner is a unique person, and continuing to learn about him/her, and enjoying those little surprises of learning something new about them. That's something to be envied, I think.





The really sad part is that even if you do, they can mlc or just grow into totally different to their earlier selves .
18 yrs all up for us and just like so many others in the sadder areas of tam, you can also simply just wake up to a whole new person one morning to.
A person they hide as they grow and change ideals or even just some new concept they got of their gf's or mates.
Saddest thing is , we're never safe in this day and age of info overload because there's just no way to know how real or sensible your other half really is to the bs out there , or to themselves . 

Gee , that was a bit of a downer wasn't it , sorry guys.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Day number I dont know...
> Dear singles
> Today I was playing my guitar with the commander, It was about 9pm, I was tired and sleepy.
> I got up, and told him i was heading to bed and he said
> "sweet dreams"
> 
> I thought it was weird.



We def' over think round here ummmm, l don't think we're good for each other guys when sweat dreams is weird , we're all screwed :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Oh she's a beautiful black woman. I'm intimidated a little by how pretty she is. She's 42, never married but has a grown son. And I'm like you, I could care less about color. I just wonder if there are cultural differences I need to be aware of. But then I remember how easy she is to talk to.
> 
> Just me being my worrisome goofball self.



What happened to 28 anyway b , haven't been in for awhile ?
ps , isn't this the at least second new one you've had on this new job you were doing , from memory ? 
Your firing man :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! FWB wants to take me out tonight, when that's already pushing the boundaries of our arrangement. Walking on dangerous ground now, I wonder if I should let her go and avoid the risk of drama. Or should I just take her word for it that she understands there can be nothing else between us but sex?

Started off the day having my pants ripped along my asscrack and now may have to let my FWB go if she has indeed developed an emotional attachment like the other one. Meh, think I'll just go and see if my suspicions have merit. I fear leading her on however, but I've made my case clear and she has affirmed me of her understanding - so I shouldn't worry right?

Not my responsibility correct?


----------



## whitehawk

Me thinks she's developing feelings RD. lt doesn't matter what someone says and how cool they supposedly are with things. You can bet someone will every time , well if you don't just start making each other sick that is :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

RD, if you have told her and she said she understood, then you should not feel bad. She knows what the line is. You could even not go out with her tonight if you want to maintain that FWB line.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I got up, and told him i was heading to bed and he said
> "sweet dreams"
> 
> I thought it was weird.


I think it's weird that you think it's weird. Lol. You could have just said "Thanks" and smiled.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> We def' over think round here ummmm, l don't think we're good for each other guys when sweat dreams is weird , we're all screwed :rofl:


Ha ha! Yup!


----------



## Jellybeans

Vi, did you ever hear from the guy again who just showed up to your house?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> Oh she's a beautiful black woman. I'm intimidated a little by how pretty she is. She's 42, never married but has a grown son. And I'm like you, I could care less about color. I just wonder if there are cultural differences I need to be aware of. But then I remember how easy she is to talk to.
> 
> Just me being my worrisome goofball self.


What I meant, is you seem pretty caught up in never having dated a black woman before, but can you be sure you never dated a black woman before? Probably not, if you have dated even a few people.

Cultural differences come from where and how people live, not from the color of their skin. Unless they are over-identified with their color, i.e. totally immersed in birds-of-a-kind living.


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Vi, did you ever hear from the guy again who just showed up to your house?


Yeah. And when I stated I need some sort of notice before someone comes over unexpectedly, he gave excuses and justifications as to why he did what he did.

After that incident I distanced myself, but still didn't end it like I thought I would. After he stopped by, it was 2 weeks before we saw each other again. When confronted on a few things I was curious about, instead of explaining in a mature way, he used excuses, justifications AND also tried to turn the blame to me a few times. Especially when I asked why he makes plans and then doesn't follow through.....

I still text with him but thats about it. He never seems to want to meet up and I am not chasing him. I told him that flat out last time we saw each other. 

I set boundaries, and been watching his actions since. So far he's allllllllllllllllll talk. Its been almost 3 weeks since I saw him last. 

There is no romantic potential with this guy. Especially after seeing some of his colors. Looks like I just found a texting buddy. And by that I mean just texting. He never flirts or is sexual at all. Maybe he's just always had me in the "friend" zone and I didn't even realize it....lol


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> He never seems to want to meet up and I am not chasing him.


Good on ya! 

Actions are IT.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Bah! FWB wants to take me out tonight, when that's already pushing the boundaries of our arrangement. Walking on dangerous ground now, I wonder if I should let her go and avoid the risk of drama. Or should I just take her word for it that she understands there can be nothing else between us but sex?
> 
> Started off the day having my pants ripped along my asscrack and now may have to let my FWB go if she has indeed developed an emotional attachment like the other one. Meh, think I'll just go and see if my suspicions have merit. I fear leading her on however, but I've made my case clear and she has affirmed me of her understanding - so I shouldn't worry right?
> 
> Not my responsibility correct?


You are so frkn weird man?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude, Curiousity killed the cat. 
If she's keen to go out, it's for a reason. 
A reason other than f'ing.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> NE, why is that weird? I think that's the polite thing to say to someone who has announced that he/she is going to bed. Am I missing something? Were you inviting him with you and weirded out that he didn't pick up on it? Were you surprised to hear "sweet dreams" instead of "good night"? Not sure I understand the weirdness.


THanks all!
I am the weird one!

I am used to hearing "sweet dreams" from guys who want to bang me.... haha 

Did a 10K ruck march minus the ruck, so it was just a road march. Was fun!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> RD, if you have told her and she said she understood, then you should not feel bad. She knows what the line is. You could even not go out with her tonight if you want to maintain that FWB line.


Well, I turned her down and she didn't take it personally, though she said she really wanted to go out tonight and decided to go with her mates instead. The way she took it seems like she was cool with it and was only intending a friendly 'outing' yes? Not a date?

Regardless I missed out on sex tonight >.<

Darn it, I'm paranoid of her going all lovey dovey on me like the other one I may have just shot myself in the foot. Just trying to play it safe!



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> RandomDude, Curiousity killed the cat.
> If she's keen to go out, it's for a reason.
> A reason other than f'ing.


I just don't get it, she knows what happened to the other woman that I was seeing previously in which I had to let her go because she wanted more then sex. Surely she can't be foolish enough to think she has a chance when the other didn't.

Or am I being too nice and hence giving her impression that she does? Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, or maybe this is her plan all along? lol

Oh well, we'll see next week



Another Planet said:


> You are so frkn weird man?


:scratchhead:

How so? I don't like her! I only desire her sexually and she knows that full well. If she starts having feelings and I continue having sex with her it means I'll be leading her on and I don't want to do that!

What's so weird about that?


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> What I meant, is you seem pretty caught up in never having dated a black woman before, but can you be sure you never dated a black woman before? Probably not, if you have dated even a few people.
> 
> *Cultural differences come from where and how people live, not from the color of their skin. *Unless they are over-identified with their color, i.e. totally immersed in birds-of-a-kind living.


So, so true. JAG is black/African-American, and I've also dated or been close friends with black/African American men from the mid-Atlantic area (Maryland-ish). (I happen to be white and from the northeast, so I'm a Yankee through and through. No, I do not have jungle fever. I am just an equal-opportunity woman, and I have the dating resume to prove it  ) There is a HUGE cultural difference between deep southern African-Americans and mid-Atlantic African-Americans; some of that is connected to race, but much of it isn't. There are so many other factors, one of the most important being regional location.


----------



## Jellybeans

RD - I guess I don't really understand your confusion. The fact is - most people do end up developing feelings for the person they are sleeping with someone. 

Not everyone is able to compartmentalize as you do.

I do commend you for telling them straight up you ONLY want sex because you are being honest and not putting up any pretenses. Just know that you will probably face this more often than not. Fact is, a strictly sex situation is going to be very difficult to find for you. That is why FWB nearly never works out. 

I


RandomDude said:


> I just don't get it, she knows what happened to the other woman that I was seeing previously in which I had to let her go because she wanted more then sex. Surely she can't be foolish enough to think she has a chance when the other didn't.
> 
> How so? *I don't like her! I only desire her sexually* and she knows that full well. If she starts having feelings and I continue having sex with her it means I'll be leading her on and I don't want to do that!


Reiterate that part to her the next time you talk. My bet is the FWB won't last long anyway since she seems to want to hang out with you out of bed.

You are old enough to understand now that most people will end up getting feelings for the person they sleep with over and over again.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well, I turned her down and she didn't take it personally, though she said she really wanted to go out tonight and decided to go with her mates instead. The way she took it seems like she was cool with it and was only intending a friendly 'outing' yes? Not a date?
> 
> Regardless I missed out on sex tonight >.<


You didn't necessarily miss out on sex. You can tell her that you didn't feel like going out, but she is welcome to come over to your place after she's done having fun with the girls. 

If I had a FWB, I would be all over that.


----------



## RandomDude

@JB

It's because of how she acts that gets me confused, like I even decided to pull down a few walls because she convinced me that she understood the rules. And from her tone of voice/reaction it doesn't show that she has become emotionally attached yet from her ideas/actions it seems like she has yet when confronted she still assures me she's not going all lovey dovey...

:scratchhead:

@FeministInPink

Heh too late tonight however, next time >.<
If we last till next week


----------



## Jellybeans

I mean, you know her better than we do.


----------



## RandomDude

I don't actually lol 

Hard to figure out what's on her mind, was hoping you ladies can help me shine some light!


----------



## 06Daddio08

There isn't light to shine. She invited you out tonight, you assumed it's of romantic intent and you declined.

If she's nothing but a sex toy for you, there really isn't anything else to think about on it. Continue on with your day.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> So, so true. JAG is black/African-American, and I've also dated or been close friends with black/African American men from the mid-Atlantic area (Maryland-ish). (I happen to be white and from the northeast, so I'm a Yankee through and through. No, I do not have jungle fever. I am just an equal-opportunity woman, and I have the dating resume to prove it  ) There is a HUGE cultural difference between deep southern African-Americans and mid-Atlantic African-Americans; some of that is connected to race, but much of it isn't. There are so many other factors, one of the most important being regional location.


That said, there are genetic components to personality. I grew up in the Northeast thinking I was white. It wasn't until I joined the military and my buddies and I were discussing one day what we 'were' (different flavors of non-white, Cajun, Native American, African, Islander, mixed from Korea, Philippines, etc.) and I said I was white, and was told to stop kidding around. I put the puzzle pieces together and realized that my friends were right. They saw something in me that I didn't, and for some reason I gravitated towards them as friends. Whereas the racist Southernerns (white, or identified as white) got really mad at themselves for having made plays at me before I turned darker shades due to hanging out at the pool. 

Trust me, navigating racism in the Northeast is interesting. People you meet in the winter may say something blatantly racist in March...after you've known them a month or two. And you just know you are going to have to deal with them sooner or later. When they realize that there's no way you're going to agree with them. 

By then it's too late, their assumptions and prejudices have been challenged, and usually that means they will hate you for it, especially if you are making more income and your kids do better in school  Sad.


----------



## Vanton68

Is this where the magic happens? Being single for me has meant times of feast or famine. Sometimes sex is so meaningless I don't even want it. Other times I have just been out to prove I still have the ability to please women.


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> What happened to 28 anyway b , haven't been in for awhile ?
> ps , isn't this the at least second new one you've had on this new job you were doing , from memory ?
> Your firing man :smthumbup:


I broke up with her about a month ago when I came to Denver for my job. I really liked her but the age difference freaked me out. We didn't have much in common either. If we had let it go it would have been a short lived relationship anyway.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> What I meant, is you seem pretty caught up in never having dated a black woman before, but can you be sure you never dated a black woman before? Probably not, if you have dated even a few people.
> 
> Cultural differences come from where and how people live, not from the color of their skin. Unless they are over-identified with their color, i.e. totally immersed in birds-of-a-kind living.


We'll that is a good question. I think you are right. Race is a fluid thing. I have Southern blood. For all I know I might have a great great great grandma who might have been a plantation slave. Who knows? :rofl:

Socially this lady is high class compared to me. She very refined and educated. Can't believe she agreed to go out with me.


----------



## vi_bride04

Stop the self sabotaging, bandit


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> There isn't light to shine. She invited you out tonight, you assumed it's of romantic intent and you declined.
> 
> If she's nothing but a sex toy for you, there really isn't anything else to think about on it. Continue on with your day.


:iagree:


----------



## poppyseed

RandomDude said:


> How so? I don't like her! I only desire her sexually and she knows that full well. If she starts having feelings and I continue having sex with her it means I'll be leading her on and I don't want to do that!
> 
> What's so weird about that?


How NICE. Very classy indeed.


----------



## unsure78

Vanton68 said:


> Is this where the magic happens? Being single for me has meant times of feast or famine. Sometimes sex is so meaningless I don't even want it. Other times I have just been out to prove I still have the ability to please women.


Welcome to the party!


----------



## RandomDude

poppyseed said:


> How NICE. Very classy indeed.


So I should be all nice and classy and romantic towards my FWBs and FBs? 

Come on! So you recommend that I treat them like dates and have them all fluttering when my only intention is sex? 

Sorry, but I prefer to be an honest a-hole then a dishonest player.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That said, there are genetic components to personality. I grew up in the Northeast thinking I was white. It wasn't until I joined the military and my buddies and I were discussing one day what we 'were' (different flavors of non-white, Cajun, Native American, African, Islander, mixed from Korea, Philippines, etc.) and I said I was white, and was told to stop kidding around. I put the puzzle pieces together and realized that my friends were right. They saw something in me that I didn't, and for some reason I gravitated towards them as friends. Whereas the racist Southernerns (white, or identified as white) got really mad at themselves for having made plays at me before I turned darker shades due to hanging out at the pool.
> 
> *Trust me, navigating racism in the Northeast is interesting. People you meet in the winter may say something blatantly racist in March...after you've known them a month or two. And you just know you are going to have to deal with them sooner or later. When they realize that there's no way you're going to agree with them.*
> 
> By then it's too late, their assumptions and prejudices have been challenged, and usually that means they will hate you for it, especially if you are making more income and your kids do better in school  Sad.


This is SO TRUE!!! Where I grew up, it was VERY WASP-y. No one of any color other than white, with the rare exception. In my high school graduating class of 300+, we had out one token black kid, one token Indian (south asian descent, not native American), and two token Asian kids (and there were two because they were identical twins). So race was never a thing, because it was never discussed and we never encountered it as an issue in every day life.

As far as I was concerned, my exposure to race as an issue was this: I went to church, and we sang "Jesus loves the little children... black and yellow, red and white, they are precious in his sight" and I watched the Cosby show, which looked a lot my life, except for their skin color. So, what I knew was that there are people of all different races and colors, but that doesn't matter, because they're pretty much like me. I mean, I understood the concept of there being different cultures, but I always saw that as something to celebrate, you know?

But to get back to your point... it was always surprising when it happened. I could be talking with someone I'd known for a while, YEARS sometimes, who was either really nice and generous, or maybe I knew them through church or whatever, and then something incredibly racist/offensive would just fall out of their mouth, and my jaw would drop, like WTF? Where did that come from? WHO ARE YOU??? It would always be so inconsistent with what I knew of them as a person.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So I should be all nice and classy and romantic towards my FWBs and FBs?
> 
> Come on! So you recommend that I treat them like dates and have them all fluttering when my only intention is sex?
> 
> Sorry, but I prefer to be an honest a-hole then a dishonest player.


You can be nice and classy without being romantic. Even if you're not romantically interested, the least you could do is respect your FWB. At the very least, respect her because she's doing YOU the courtesy of f*cking YOU.

You don't have to be an *sshole to be honest.

EDIT: I'm referring to RD's specific comment quoted above, NOT his behavior towards FWB.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> This is SO TRUE!!! Where I grew up, it was VERY WASP-y. No one of any color other than white, with the rare exception. In my high school graduating class of 300+, we had out one token black kid, one token Indian (south asian descent, not native American), and two token Asian kids (and there were two because they were identical twins).


And now you live in Chocolate City. 

Hahaha. I was raised in a very culturally diverse place and am forever thankful for that. Not too long ago in the recent past I considered a move to a city I enjoyed visiting but the main reasons I couldn't get with it was because of the lack of diversity. One of the things I love about where I live is that I see ALL kinds of people from every race/background/culture simply on my way to get coffee in the morning. I suppose we become creatures of habit and personally, I wouldn't want to live any other way.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> You can be nice and classy without being romantic. Even if you're not romantically interested, the least you could do is respect your FWB. At the very least, respect her because she's doing YOU the courtesy of f*cking YOU.
> 
> You don't have to be an *sshole to be honest.


I don't think he's been an a* to her. He told her wants only sex and that he doesn't want to hang with her tonight. She said she was fine with solely a sex relationship (but if feelings develop, that ain't ever gonna work). Pretty much he's kept the same line from the beginning. With that said, methinks he will be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't eventually get those silly "feelings" that humans tend to. Damn "feelings." LOL. RD, included!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> And now you live in Chocolate City.
> 
> Hahaha. I was raised in a very culturally diverse place and am forever thankful for that. Not too long ago in the recent past I considered a move to a city I enjoyed visiting but the main reasons I couldn't get with it was because of the lack of diversity. One of the things I love about where I live is that I see ALL kinds of people from every race/background/culture simply on my way to get coffee in the morning. I suppose we become creatures of habit and personally, I wouldn't want to live any other way.


Ha ha! That works on so many levels... you have no idea.

OK, I'll tell you. So JAG and I do karaoke together, right? We were doing this karaoke contest, and he sang "Chocolate Salty Balls" (from _South Park_). He had a chef hat and apron, and handed out chocolate kisses. He totally won.

One of the main reasons that I chose the college that I did was because it had a large, diverse minority and international population. I wanted an urban school that was very diverse; I wanted to experience, basically, the exact opposite of what I grew up with. And now I work with a similar population of students and I live in a very diverse city, and I love it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think he's been an a* to her. He told her wants only sex and that he doesn't want to hang with her tonight. She said she was fine with solely a sex relationship (but if feelings develop, that ain't ever gonna work). Pretty much he's kept the same line from the beginning. With that said, methinks he will be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't eventually get those silly "feelings" that humans tend to. Damn "feelings." LOL. RD, included!


I agree. I was referring specifically to his comment/post, not his behavior towards the FWB. RD's postings can be a little callous/flippant/hyperbolic sometimes, which I don't think accurately reflects his real-life behavior. There's a little bit of a disconnect there.

EDIT: I edited my comment above to reflect this.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> OK, I'll tell you. So JAG and I do karaoke together, right? We were doing this karaoke contest, and he sang "Chocolate Salty Balls" (from _South Park_).


:rofl: So much fun.



FeministInPink said:


> RD's postings can be a little callous/flippant/hyperbolic sometimes, which I don't think accurately reflects his real-life behavior.


Right? He's probably a big softie!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: So much fun.


And it was such a turn-on, too. I cannot, in polite company, tell you what was going through my mind. 

He kept insisting, "It's a song about baking!!!" He is VERY secure in his masculinity, but not macho at all. So he can totally pull it off.

"It's a song about baking!!!"

Right.




Jellybeans said:


> Right? He's probably a big softie!


The "tough" guys always are!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> And it was such a turn-on, too. I cannot, in polite company, tell you what was going through my mind.


:smthumbup:

Oh man I do hope you get to make out with this guy. It's gonna be amazing.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Oh man I do hope you get to make out with this guy. It's gonna be amazing.


In my imagination, it totally is. My imagination is an AWESOME place to be.

If it ever happens, y'all will be the first to hear about it


----------



## moxy

I survived most of my stressful day!

Now, if only sex were in the cards today...


----------



## Fenix

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That said, there are genetic components to personality. I grew up in the Northeast thinking I was white. It wasn't until I joined the military and my buddies and I were discussing one day what we 'were' (different flavors of non-white, Cajun, Native American, African, Islander, mixed from Korea, Philippines, etc.) and I said I was white, and was told to stop kidding around. I put the puzzle pieces together and realized that my friends were right. They saw something in me that I didn't, and for some reason I gravitated towards them as friends. Whereas the racist Southernerns (white, or identified as white) got really mad at themselves for having made plays at me before I turned darker shades due to hanging out at the pool.
> 
> Trust me, navigating racism in the Northeast is interesting. People you meet in the winter may say something blatantly racist in March...after you've known them a month or two. And you just know you are going to have to deal with them sooner or later. When they realize that there's no way you're going to agree with them.
> 
> By then it's too late, their assumptions and prejudices have been challenged, and usually that means they will hate you for it, especially if you are making more income and your kids do better in school  Sad.


This is really interesting. My BFF is very light skinned African American. I met her my first day at uni. I had no idea what heritage she was...I assumed Cuban or PR (as I was just out of FL). But, it didn't really matter. I never asked as I assumed it wasn't my business. When she told others her race, I saw them run. This was in the 80s in NC.

I am sure your story would resonate with her.


----------



## Another Planet

My girlfriend lost her job today...I don't know what to think about it. I have the feeling she better find a new one soon :/
I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
How would you guys feel about something like this?


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I survived most of my stressful day!
> 
> Now, if only sex were in the cards today...


If I have sex with my date tonight I'll think of you. 

Wait. That didn't sound right. Scratch that. Reverse that. 

I meant to say I'll dedicate any sex I get to you... No wait that doesn't sound right either. ...um....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> My girlfriend lost her job today...I don't know what to think about it. I have the feeling she better find a new one soon :/
> I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
> How would you guys feel about something like this?


 Do you guys live together and share bills?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> My girlfriend lost her job today...I don't know what to think about it. I have the feeling she better find a new one soon :/
> I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
> How would you guys feel about something like this?


As being someone who went thru that with my exh, where he was out of a job for a while, it takes a toll on the relationship if it extends on for a time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

So, I did something naughty at my company trip......


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Do you guys live together and share bills?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


God no...it might be in the cards for the future but no way am I cohabiting ATM. We live at each others places but we both have our own separate place to go to.



unsure78 said:


> As being someone who went thru that with my exh, where he was out of a job for a while, it takes a toll on the relationship if it extends on for a time
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The problem is that is one reason I liked her from the get go and was a top criteria, stable job with a decent salary so I did not have to worry about her finances and she did well to match my lifestyle. :/

My last GF had fckn 4 different jobs in the short time we were together. Granted they were higher pay but geez I can't handle that much high tension always changing stuff. Now she lives in another state which means she changed her career AGAIN...tooo much going on, I can't handle that level of arrgh all the time


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Well, I turned her down and she didn't take it personally, though she said she really wanted to go out tonight and decided to go with her mates instead. The way she took it seems like she was cool with it and was only intending a friendly 'outing' yes? Not a date?
> 
> Regardless I missed out on sex tonight >.<
> 
> Darn it, I'm paranoid of her going all lovey dovey on me like the other one I may have just shot myself in the foot. Just trying to play it safe!
> 
> 
> 
> I just don't get it, she knows what happened to the other woman that I was seeing previously in which I had to let her go because she wanted more then sex. Surely she can't be foolish enough to think she has a chance when the other didn't.
> 
> Or am I being too nice and hence giving her impression that she does? Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, or maybe this is her plan all along? lol
> 
> Oh well, we'll see next week
> 
> 
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> How so? I don't like her! I only desire her sexually and she knows that full well. If she starts having feelings and I continue having sex with her it means I'll be leading her on and I don't want to do that!
> 
> What's so weird about that?


why are you worrying about whether she has feelings for you or not?


----------



## unsure78

hope4family said:


> So, I did something naughty at my company trip......


And? ???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> God no...it might be in the cards for the future but no way am I cohabiting ATM. We live at each others places but we both have our own separate place to go to.
> 
> 
> 
> The problem is that is one reason I liked her from the get go and was a top criteria, stable job with a decent salary so I did not have to worry about her finances and she did well to match my lifestyle. :/
> 
> My last GF had fckn 4 different jobs in the short time we were together. Granted they were higher pay but geez I can't handle that much high tension always changing stuff. Now she lives in another state which means she changed her career AGAIN...tooo much going on, I can't handle that level of arrgh all the time


But bleacher isnt the same person as your ex... so give her a bit of a chance to get a new job...

Why did she lose it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> My girlfriend lost her job today...I don't know what to think about it. I have the feeling she better find a new one soon :/
> I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
> How would you guys feel about something like this?


When my guy friend lost a job I took him out for a beer and some Mexican and gave him a pep talk and picked up the bill. My co-dependence ends there. I suggest you draw the line. It's really her problem, not yours.

Hopefully she's not a live in. 
And can qualify for benefits til she finds a new one.


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> But bleacher isnt the same person as your ex... so give her a bit of a chance to get a new job...
> 
> Why did she lose it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am, I was telling her today that honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she has a new job by next week with her personality.

The company was doing "restructuring" and couldn't find a spot for her position basically... :/



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> When my guy friend lost a job I took him out for a beer and some Mexican and gave him a pep talk and picked up the bill. My co-dependence ends there. I suggest you draw the line. It's really her problem, not yours.
> 
> Hopefully she's not a live in.
> And can qualify for benefits til she finds a new one.


She is not a live in GF...as I said above that is not happening anytime soon. I have my own problems to deal with I expect her to handle hers.

She got a 6wk severance pay and is now talking about going on a road trip to Colorado to visit her sister on her downtime...which is not helping my  factor.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> why are you worrying about whether she has feelings for you or not?


FWB = FWB
FWB + Emotions = Relationship
FWB + One-sided feelings = Heartbreak

I'd like to avoid the latter two scenarios


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
> How would you guys feel about something like this?


If my girlfriend lost her job I'd be supportive in the hunt for a new one.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> My girlfriend lost her job today...I don't know what to think about it. I have the feeling she better find a new one soon :/
> I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
> How would you guys feel about something like this?



That sucks. Why did she lose her job? 

Be kind. Be emotionally supportive as she gets back on her feet. Don't judge her too harshly unless the reasons she lost her job were sketchy things on her part.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> If I have sex with my date tonight I'll think of you.
> 
> 
> 
> Wait. That didn't sound right. Scratch that. Reverse that.
> 
> 
> 
> I meant to say I'll dedicate any sex I get to you... No wait that doesn't sound right either. ...um....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



ROFL. That's just funny.


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> If my girlfriend lost her job I'd be supportive in the hunt for a new one.


yeah.

I have to say that I am surprised by the question. The way you (AP) were talking, I thought the relationship was deeper. If I picked up on that from a bf, I would cut him loose.


----------



## Dollystanford

Kind of depends a little bit. My husband's employment was constant source of stress and trauma. He would do a job for a while, get annoyed with it, lose it, move on to something else. All the while I was having to shore everything up and it was a bloody good thing I have a secure job

My concern wouldn't be that she'd lost a job, more that she gets six weeks severance and rather than save it just in case she can't find something straight away she plans to go off for a bit. If she was 18 with no kids I would understand it but she's not.


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> The way you (AP) were talking, I thought the relationship was deeper. If I picked up on that from a bf, I would cut him loose.



Me, too. I care a lot about my career and independence; so, losing a job would be painful to me. If I were seriously involved with a man and lost my job for reasons that were not my doing (ie, not for being a dramatic crazy person or an incompetent person), if I discovered that he thought, "um...she just lost her job, which now makes me want to break up with her", I'd be out the door without a second glance and that man would never see me again.

I can understand not wanting to date someone who can't hold down a job as a result of emotional or behavioral instability, but...hardships do happen in life. I don't think it's a pattern until it's a pattern. If a relationship can't survive when things stop looking like the perfect picture, then it doesn't have much substance, IMO. Life is long and complicated and bad stuff sometimes happens. The worth of a partner is in that partner's integrity and commitment.

AP, are you factoring this job thing alongside other elements that are making you consider withdrawing? Or, are you just associating this action with your past experiences with other women? Is something else making you feel skittish?


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> My concern wouldn't be that she'd lost a job, more that she gets six weeks severance and rather than save it just in case she can't find something straight away she plans to go off for a bit. If she was 18 with no kids I would understand it but she's not.



This does seem reckless; unless she's dead sure she's got something else lined up next.


----------



## bandit.45

We'll, I had my first ONS since I was like 21. She was gone by 3:00 am. I wake up at 4:00 am every day and I didn't even hear her when she left. Kinda sucks.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> This does seem reckless; unless she's dead sure she's got something else lined up next.


If it wasn't her fault she lost the job, then a guy would have to be a bit of a doosh to hold it against her. Especially if she's not even living with him.


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> We'll, I had my first ONS since I was like 21. She was gone by 3:00 am. I wake up at 4:00 am every day and I didn't even hear her when she left. Kinda sucks.



She just used you for sex Bandit. I am sure that feels weird, especially since as men we have always heard how women hate when men just use them for sex. It has to be awkward to be on the other side of this.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> She just used you for sex Bandit. I am sure that feels weird, especially since as men we have always heard how women hate when men just use them for sex. It has to be awkward to be on the other side of this.


It's just been a while. Like a couple decades since I've had meaningless sex. LOL!

Sucks because I liked her. I thought it was the same with her but apparently my radar was off.


----------



## RandomDude

muskrat said:


> She just used you for sex Bandit. I am sure that feels weird, especially since as men we have always heard how women hate when men just use them for sex. It has to be awkward to be on the other side of this.


Not if one is using them in the same way; FWBs! :smthumbup:

Man I should stop encouraging it...


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> My girlfriend lost her job today...I don't know what to think about it. I have the feeling she better find a new one soon :/
> I am trying to be supportive but I do not like instability.
> How would you guys feel about something like this?


You are making to much out of this. If you really care about her you should be her shoulder to lean on while she goes through this. She did nothing wrong to lose her job. Stop projecting past negative experiences onto her. She is probably more stressed than you know over this. She has a family to worry about and support. The last thing she needs is her bf being douchy about her employment status. It's not her fault that her company restructured and let her go.

With that said, I would keep my eyes on the situation. As long as she is making a genuine effort to find a new job, I wouldn't worry about this.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Me, too. I care a lot about my career and independence; so, losing a job would be painful to me. If I were seriously involved with a man and lost my job for reasons that were not my doing (ie, not for being a dramatic crazy person or an incompetent person), if I discovered that he thought, "um...she just lost her job, which now makes me want to break up with her", I'd be out the door without a second glance and that man would never see me again.
> 
> I can understand not wanting to date someone who can't hold down a job as a result of emotional or behavioral instability, but...hardships do happen in life. I don't think it's a pattern until it's a pattern. If a relationship can't survive when things stop looking like the perfect picture, then it doesn't have much substance, IMO. Life is long and complicated and bad stuff sometimes happens. The worth of a partner is in that partner's integrity and commitment.
> 
> *AP, are you factoring this job thing alongside other elements that are making you consider withdrawing?* Or, are you just associating this action with your past experiences with other women? *Is something else making you feel skittish?*


Yes...and I never said I was withdrawing.



moxy said:


> This does seem reckless; unless she's dead sure she's got something else lined up next.


She has no idea. But at the same time has 100 crazy ideas ie...running off to Colorado.
In the half of a year I have been talking to her I have watched the progression, or rather the consistent perpetual movement like nothing is nailed down (in proper Pisces fashion). 
I am not complaining because it is something I actually love about her, it just makes me feel like the future between us is the same as her life which is not secure...yes I know ultimately nothing is secure but to seemingly make it less secure on purpose I guess is what is getting me.
I've lived in the same place for like 14yrs and had the same job the entire time too. My support roots are very secure there is no question there, my income might fluctuate because of who I am but my foundation is always there.



bandit.45 said:


> If it wasn't her fault she lost the job, then a guy would have to be a bit of a doosh to hold it against her. Especially if she's not even living with him.


See I only know what she tells me and I am not holding anything against her. I am not judging her for losing her job but I just need her to have an income of her own or go back to school or just something that makes the future look positive.

I lived in a high tension relationship where everything was constantly a problem and there was always a crisis during my marriage and also during my childhood. I will not live that way any more. If that makes me a doosh then so be it.

For the record I am not going anywhere, I have no plans on leaving her. I do however have plans of her getting a new job with similar income or going to school to better her future...I am 100% in for those scenarios.


----------



## bandit.45

I have so many friends who lost their jobs through no fault of their own and I feel so bad for them. Seeing them struggle to provide for their families is heartbreaking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> You are making to much out of this. If you really care about her you should be her shoulder to lean on while she goes through this. She did nothing wrong to lose her job. Stop projecting past negative experiences onto her. She is probably more stressed than you know over this. She has a family to worry about and support. The last thing she needs is her bf being douchy about her employment status. *It's not her fault that her company restructured and let her go.*
> 
> With that said, I would keep my eyes on the situation. As long as she is making a genuine effort to find a new job, I wouldn't worry about this.


You are right it is not her fault, however it is also not my fault.
I am not pressuring her at all you guys...that is why I am here talking to you guys about what is on my mind. She knows nothing about my worries only my full support she is getting.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> We'll, I had my first ONS since I was like 21. She was gone by 3:00 am. I wake up at 4:00 am every day and I didn't even hear her when she left. Kinda sucks.



Is that really so bad? Maybe she thought you just wanted space and she had stuff to do? Maybe I'm just being naive. In my own situation, I never stayed the night with my guy until recently; so it took me five months to get to that point (though, an explicit request or invitation would've made me stay): now, I feel guilty. However, it might not mean anything that she left. Is she the kind of woman who just wouldn't want to get in your space? Was she being considerate?

Do you think there's a chance of getting together again? Or, are you put off by the idea because she left?

Anyhow, maybe you can treasure it for what it was.  Spontaneous sex is good!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Is that really so bad? Maybe she thought you just wanted space and she had stuff to do? Maybe I'm just being naive. In my own situation, I never stayed the night with my guy until recently; so it took me five months to get to that point (though, an explicit request or invitation would've made me stay): now, I feel guilty. However, it might not mean anything that she left. Is she the kind of woman who just wouldn't want to get in your space? Was she being considerate?
> 
> Do you think there's a chance of getting together again? Or, are you put off by the idea because she left?
> 
> Anyhow, maybe you can treasure it for what it was.  Spontaneous sex is good!


Yeah maybe I make too much of it. I'd like to see her again, but the way she left I don't think it will happen. The date was better than the sex. She has a neat personality and she's super smart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, you never know. If you wanna see her again, ask her out. She might say no; you'll move on. She might say yes; maybe the second time sex will be amazing. No harm in asking. 

AP, I must've misunderstood; I thought you were considering leaving over this. However, it is good that you're recognizing that some if these behaviors you're observing are triggering thoughts or issues from your past; it means you can be aware and maybe address those issues.  Also, I'm not judging you; just telling you my POV on how it would make me feel if I were in that situation, so you might consider other angles of the issue. Awareness = good. Hang in there!


----------



## jpr

Hey AP....

Sorry about your gf's job. That stinks for her.

I would be on alert about that too, if I were you.

But, really. It shouldn't affect you that much. I mean...if she doesn't get a job, you don't have to support her or anything. You are not living together.

...and I get why she would want to go visit her family during her severance package period. Most working adults don't get that long of a 'grace" period in their lives. When she gets a new job, she won't get that sort of time off again. So, why not use this time to visit family? Of course, if she is just blowing through the severance package frivolously, then that would be a red flag for me. 

My sister often switches jobs...or gets down-sized. When she gets her severance package, she uses the time 'off' to spend with her sons. She doesn't have a difficult time getting a new job. So, she lets herself enjoy being a mom for a while...and looks for jobs in the meantime. She never has a problem finding a job.


Losing your job sucks. But, there could be a silver lining to this...she gets a little time off to recharge her battery and finds a new job and gets to start fresh again in a few weeks.

I see your concern...and I see why you would be observing all of this with a cautious eye. I would be too! ...but, I also see why your gf would visit her family during this time.

I just hope that you aren't feeling pressure to support her financially. I hope you are maintaining that boundary.


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Hey AP....
> 
> Sorry about your gf's job. That stinks for her.
> 
> I would be on alert about that too, if I were you.
> 
> But, really. It shouldn't affect you that much. I mean...if she doesn't get a job, you don't have to support her or anything. You are not living together.
> 
> ...and I get why she would want to go visit her family during her severance package period. Most working adults don't get that long of a 'grace" period in their lives. When she gets a new job, she won't get that sort of time off again. So, why not use this time to visit family? Of course, if she is just blowing through the severance package frivolously, then that would be a red flag for me.
> 
> My sister often switches jobs...or gets down-sized. When she gets her severance package, she uses the time 'off' to spend with her sons. She doesn't have a difficult time getting a new job. So, she lets herself enjoy being a mom for a while...and looks for jobs in the meantime. She never has a problem finding a job.
> 
> 
> Losing your job sucks. But, there could be a silver lining to this...she gets a little time off to recharge her battery and finds a new job and gets to start fresh again in a few weeks.
> 
> I see your concern...and I see why you would be observing all of this with a cautious eye. I would be too! ...but, I also see why your gf would visit her family during this time.
> 
> I just hope that you aren't feeling pressure to support her financially. I hope you are maintaining that boundary.


Yes she is having a difficult time not feeling worthless. It has been so long since I have not been self employed this is all so foreign to me, if I lose one of my many many customers I just get another or pick up some work from an associate or whatever money just kind of comes to me. 

And yes I do feel the pull to support her financially, it's part of my codependency problems. I neeeeed to help her or save her...NO!!! no I do not.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Yes she is having a difficult time not feeling worthless. It has been so long since I have not been self employed this is all so foreign to me, if I lose one of my many many customers I just get another or pick up some work from an associate or whatever money just kind of comes to me.
> 
> And yes I do feel the pull to support her financially, it's part of my codependency problems. I neeeeed to help her or save her...NO!!! no I do not.


It's not "saving her" by keeping an eye out for a possible job she'd be good at.

That's called being supportive. Not rescuing.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> It's not "saving her" by *keeping an eye out for a possible job* she'd be good at.
> 
> That's called being supportive. Not rescuing.


I respectfully completely disagree. 
That line is way to fine, white knight syndrome is so easy to fall in to. If I find her a job I saved the day...then whats next? Maybe she loses that job down the line and its my fault so I have to find another one. It turns into a never ending cycle then she loses respect then I try that much harder...blah
And all that bleeds into other areas too. It is just better for her to do what she needs to do. 
Hell my first instinct was to GIVE her a job...nope nope nope nope nope nope NO!

IF I happen to drive by a "Now Hiring" sign I will let her know. If an associate tells me they need some help I will let her know. But I am not opening a newspaper, I am not placing an AD, I am not making one phone call, I will not create a position in my business just for her.....etc

What I will do is help her with her resume. She can even use me as a reference. We can discuss what she wants and I will tell her what I think and agree she needs to do whatever she feels passionate about.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Agree to disagree.

To me, you're way over thinking this.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> I respectfully completely disagree.
> That line is way to fine, white knight syndrome is so easy to fall in to. If I find her a job I saved the day...then whats next? Maybe she loses that job down the line and its my fault so I have to find another one. It turns into a never ending cycle then she loses respect then I try that much harder...blah
> And all that bleeds into other areas too. It is just better for her to do what she needs to do.
> Hell my first instinct was to GIVE her a job...nope nope nope nope nope nope NO!
> 
> IF I happen to drive by a "Now Hiring" sign I will let her know. If an associate tells me they need some help I will let her know. But I am not opening a newspaper, I am not placing an AD, I am not making one phone call, I will not create a position in my business just for her.....etc
> 
> What I will do is help her with her resume. She can even use me as a reference. We can discuss what she wants and I will tell her what I think and agree she needs to do whatever she feels passionate about.


Got to say I agree with you Another on this one... its a fine line...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

No way am I accepting a reference from someone's boyfriend


----------



## ne9907

I had thought about a great post to share with you all regarding the latest text from ex husband.

I wanted advise because I do not know how I feel, but I realize it doesnt matter.

he wrote to me
"I am sorry you ever loved me, I never deserved you. You were a wonderful wife. The demise of our marriage falls entirely on me, one day i will shine light on the events that I did"

He has found religion, and wants to find absolution. I am caring less and less.... 
I am happy he found his spirituality. Do not tell me that my love for you was nothing and that you are sorry.


----------



## Another Planet

Dollystanford said:


> No way am I accepting a reference from someone's boyfriend


lol but I am not just a BF I have connections


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I had thought about a great post to share with you all regarding the latest text from ex husband.
> 
> I wanted advise because I do not know how I feel, but I realize it doesnt matter.
> 
> he wrote to me
> "*I am sorry you ever loved me, I never deserved you. You were a wonderful wife. The demise of our marriage falls entirely on me, one day i will shine light on the events that I did*"
> 
> He has found religion, and wants to find absolution. I am caring less and less....
> I am happy he found his spirituality. Do not tell me that my love for you was nothing and that you are sorry.


NE that just ooozes manipulation. Yuck big time.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> he wrote to me
> "I am sorry you ever loved me, I never deserved you. You were a wonderful wife. The demise of our marriage falls entirely on me, one day i will shine light on the events that I did"
> 
> He has found religion, and wants to find absolution. I am caring less and less....
> I am happy he found his spirituality. Do not tell me that my love for you was nothing and that you are sorry.












Ne, if he wants to find absolution that's between him and whatever god he's praying to!

Not between you and him! Your forgiveness is not his responsibility, hence his reasons for writing you are suspect


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> And? ???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I fooled around a bit with someone....

I think i'm on a roll.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys

*******! is difficult to use for dating! Half the time I only get the feeler messages ("hi", "you're pretty", "what's up"), and the other half are either out of my stated age-range (seriously, I've had a couple men my father's age message me) or are looking for a lot more than I want to offer right now. I've seen two guys from the site so far:

1. Guy number one was okay. I had fun on our dates, it was going great. Date three rolls around, he says "I think I'm falling for you". Brakes were applied, I haven't seen him since. (I did go ahead and see him in person, to let him know that I wasn't who he was looking for and to break things off, and he tried to guilt me out of my decision by saying he'd just been diagnosed with cancer.)

2. Guy number two was AN HOUR LATE to our date. I literally was turning on my car to leave when he pulled up and waved me down. The date ended up being to a cheap taco stand, because he was crazy late so the restaurant was too full to seat us. I asked him to make a decision, and he refused; the taco stand was a desperate grab at straws by me after being driven around for fifteen minutes. He then insisted on taking me out for ice cream at ten o'clock at night, when I was visibly shivering and saying I didn't really want ice cream. Was upset when he only got a hug after bringing me back to my car and didn't understand why I didn't go for a second date. Sent a smug message afterwards saying basically "good luck finding a man half as good as me".

Has the dating scene changed that much in three years? Or do I just have bad luck in choosing them? Maybe I need to join a club or something instead...


----------



## RandomDude

Wow! Especially #2! lol

Join meetup.com, instead of getting spammed by numerous emails, you get to meet potential dates right there in front of you! Mingle and see what happens! More natural that way, and less weirdos!

Damn, I swear I should start charging commission from meetup.com for all the referrals... sh-t even reading my post sounds like ad-spam >.<!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



LoveAtDaisys said:


> Has the dating scene changed that much in three years? Or do I just have bad luck in choosing them? Maybe I need to join a club or something instead...


I don't know, but I have had similar experiences with online dating and why I quit it completely.


----------



## Vanton68

LoveAtDaisys said:


> *******! is difficult to use for dating! Half the time I only get the feeler messages ("hi", "you're pretty", "what's up"), and the other half are either out of my stated age-range (seriously, I've had a couple men my father's age message me) or are looking for a lot more than I want to offer right now. I've seen two guys from the site so far:
> 
> 1. Guy number one was okay. I had fun on our dates, it was going great. Date three rolls around, he says "I think I'm falling for you". Brakes were applied, I haven't seen him since. (I did go ahead and see him in person, to let him know that I wasn't who he was looking for and to break things off, and he tried to guilt me out of my decision by saying he'd just been diagnosed with cancer.)
> 
> 2. Guy number two was AN HOUR LATE to our date. I literally was turning on my car to leave when he pulled up and waved me down. The date ended up being to a cheap taco stand, because he was crazy late so the restaurant was too full to seat us. I asked him to make a decision, and he refused; the taco stand was a desperate grab at straws by me after being driven around for fifteen minutes. He then insisted on taking me out for ice cream at ten o'clock at night, when I was visibly shivering and saying I didn't really want ice cream. Was upset when he only got a hug after bringing me back to my car and didn't understand why I didn't go for a second date. Sent a smug message afterwards saying basically "good luck finding a man half as good as me".
> 
> Has the dating scene changed that much in three years? Or do I just have bad luck in choosing them? Maybe I need to join a club or something instead...


******* for me was people that were NEVER in the range of what I wanted and they always wanted to get dirty too. I gave up after a few weeks of really bad matches. I am in Northern Cali and I tried Tinder (sp) and the matches have been better but I have yet to meet anyone in real life


----------



## Vanton68

RandomDude said:


> Wow! Especially #2! lol
> 
> Join meetup.com, instead of getting spammed by numerous emails, you get to meet potential dates right there in front of you! Mingle and see what happens! More natural that way, and less weirdos!
> 
> Damn, I swear I should start charging commission from meetup.com for all the referrals... sh-t even reading my post sounds like ad-spam >.<!


My random schedule keeps me away from the cool stuff at meetup. But I wish I could go on some of those trips!


----------



## Vanton68

LoveAtDaisys said:


> *******! is difficult to use for dating! Half the time I only get the feeler messages ("hi", "you're pretty", "what's up"), and the other half are either out of my stated age-range (seriously, I've had a couple men my father's age message me) or are looking for a lot more than I want to offer right now. I've seen two guys from the site so far:
> 
> 1. Guy number one was okay. I had fun on our dates, it was going great. Date three rolls around, he says "I think I'm falling for you". Brakes were applied, I haven't seen him since. (I did go ahead and see him in person, to let him know that I wasn't who he was looking for and to break things off, and he tried to guilt me out of my decision by saying he'd just been diagnosed with cancer.)
> 
> 2. Guy number two was AN HOUR LATE to our date. I literally was turning on my car to leave when he pulled up and waved me down. The date ended up being to a cheap taco stand, because he was crazy late so the restaurant was too full to seat us. I asked him to make a decision, and he refused; the taco stand was a desperate grab at straws by me after being driven around for fifteen minutes. He then insisted on taking me out for ice cream at ten o'clock at night, when I was visibly shivering and saying I didn't really want ice cream. Was upset when he only got a hug after bringing me back to my car and didn't understand why I didn't go for a second date. Sent a smug message afterwards saying basically "good luck finding a man half as good as me".
> 
> Has the dating scene changed that much in three years? Or do I just have bad luck in choosing them? Maybe I need to join a club or something instead...


I can do better. 
Hi LoveAtDaisys, 
I fell in love with you from the 1st time I viewed your message board posts, I have cancer with 3 months to live, and I arrive to our dates 30 minutes late out of respect and chivalry. Random taco stand, not good enough my dear, for you Taco Bell.

Consider that proposal and get back to me :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

yeah l'm also seriously thinking the online stuff is bs.
Well , if it wasn't for that poss' one off anyway.
l met my ex through a newspaper singles club , together 18yrs. AP here met his gf online to so it can happen.

But l doubt l could get that lucky again. l'm jut talking with some new girls this wk but it's looking like the same old same old all over again as the other 6 or 7 over thgis 3mrhs since l joined.
These two new ones are both really nice , 1 in particular l get along with really well. Same as what's happened a few times now.
But then you see full length pics or even meet them in the flesh and even though you saw pics it's just the same old story. Sorry but l just wouldn't normally go for her at all.
Same old same old .

Thinking just as l did over that 18yrs , we must've just got a one off really really lucky. Because lt's looking like a really ridiculous way of trying to meet someone real to me.
l dunno , they say things to me like - there's more to a book than just it's cover and beauties only skin deep and l know all that but . Even still , when you can walk into any shopping center or out somewhere or look across a room , and just see someone you actually would go for , well that's natures very first step isn't it. That natural first step comes last though on date sites .
You could've avoided it all with someone if only it was out there in the real world instead of one off best photos or even worse , 10 yr old pics .
losing all heart in the whole online thing myself except for one thing . At least you can meet new people quite easily .


----------



## RandomDude

And tis why I always recommend meetup.com as far as online goes. Still, I didn't meet that many from there - prolly cause I'm picky as f-k. 

Yet ever since I decided to get out of my comfort zone and approach random ladies on the trains, malls, etc like in my younger days... I've been ending up with so many opportunities it's crazy. Still picky as f-k but I met a few decent women, and the rest became FBs/FWBs including my current one.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l wouldn't mind meetup but there's nothing going on anywhere near me.

l mean , in a way l'd consider myself very fortunate to have met the girls l have on my site , especially as l'm damn fussy to and they've been mostly great girls and they've looked like my type on the site to.
l mean there was a few l've just started talking to for something to do but most l've really liked things about them.
l dunno though , you get some decent pics or meet them , all wrong, like a mile off .

Yet beach house and 32 , were both exactly what l'd go for and l met both out in the real world .


----------



## unsure78

Vanton68 said:


> I can do better.
> Hi LoveAtDaisys,
> I fell in love with you from the 1st time I viewed your message board posts, I have cancer with 3 months to live, and I arrive to our dates 30 minutes late out of respect and chivalry. Random taco stand, not good enough my dear, for you Taco Bell.
> 
> Consider that proposal and get back to me :smthumbup:


Hahahahhaahahaha!!

Match is pretty good, ive done well on it. Granted I get my share of weirdos but that adds to the amusement factor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

I am another one who was lucky on match. Having a blast with my guy.

I agree with the meetup.com comments though. Also, I don't spend too much time chatting. Chat a bit (maybe over the course of 1 week) and then, set up a casual date, ie lunch, drinks with appetizers etc.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I've met women on both POF and OKC, all were nice women in their own right but not for me. Well, minus the most recent one who wanted to pursue something with someone else.


----------



## ne9907

LoveAtDaisys said:


> 2. Guy number two was AN HOUR LATE to our date. I literally was turning on my car to leave when he pulled up and waved me down. The date ended up being to a cheap taco stand, because he was crazy late so the restaurant was too full to seat us. I asked him to make a decision, and he refused; the taco stand was a desperate grab at straws by me after being driven around for fifteen minutes. He then insisted on taking me out for ice cream at ten o'clock at night, when I was visibly shivering and saying I didn't really want ice cream. Was upset when he only got a hug after bringing me back to my car and didn't understand why I didn't go for a second date. Sent a smug message afterwards saying basically "good luck finding a man half as good as me".
> 
> Has the dating scene changed that much in three years? Or do I just have bad luck in choosing them? Maybe I need to join a club or something instead...


guy #2 was a winner!! lol

I dont like online dating sites either. They are really good to find a good quick romp but that is it!

Ugh.... actually, I am not in the mood to reply. I am tired. I want to write a wonderful answer, but cannot possibly do it.


----------



## Another Planet

I liked Match. Even with the lack of time I could apply to dating I still ended up meeting my GF from there. I think it is really all in the way you use it cause I did talk to a good handful of girls that had long term potential...but I waded through a lot of BS too...

I live in a small town and everyone is connected. Everyone has fked everyone elses GF/BF, I was sick of that scene and for my after divorce relationship I wanted out of my 6 degrees of separation. Online was the ONLY way for me to do that at that time.


----------



## Another Planet

Happy fathers day to all the TAM fathers!


----------



## unsure78

Happy Fathers Day to all you single dads out there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> It's just been a while. Like a couple decades since I've had meaningless sex. LOL!
> 
> Sucks because I liked her. I thought it was the same with her but apparently my radar was off.


maybe, maybe not. She could have felt awkward and thought that is what you expected. May as well reach out. What do you have to lose?


----------



## Fenix

Here's a quick question for you TAM'ers. What do you do on Father's Day (when you are the x?) 

Do you remind your kids about the day? How involved do you get?

My kids haven't seen their dad since Feb but will see him later this month. Daughter is estranged, son isn't. I have 100% custody (obv).


----------



## poppyseed

Another Planet said:


> And yes I do feel the pull to support her financially, it's part of my codependency problems. I neeeeed to help her or save her...NO!!! no I do not.


There's nothing wrong with being clear about what you would or you wouldn't.


----------



## TheBaxter

Happy Fathers Day Muskrat !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## poppyseed

ne9907 said:


> guy #2 was a winner!! lol
> 
> I dont like online dating sites either. They are really good to find a good quick romp but that is it!
> 
> Ugh.... actually, I am not in the mood to reply. I am tired. I want to write a wonderful answer, but cannot possibly do it.


Well..I agree. It's very superficial. If I had posted ugly photos then it is likely that I would never get any response. Then if I posted some nice photos then I get loads and loads of responses. Superficial response(s) may lead to more superficial connection(s). So I agree with you. At the same time, it is so ego boosting after Divorce and a number of years feeling so unattractive and undesired cheated on and trapped in an unhappy marriage... LOL


----------



## 06Daddio08

Happy Father's Day!


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l wouldn't mind meetup but there's nothing going on anywhere near me.





Another Planet said:


> I live in a small town and everyone is connected. Everyone has fked everyone elses GF/BF, I was sick of that scene and for my after divorce relationship I wanted out of my 6 degrees of separation.


Argh... awkward lol
Can't imagine living in a small town again

Anyways you Americans celebrate father's day early


----------



## whitehawk

Well , speaking of small town problemos in that regard . l've found a rental to move into after my place settles, next wk. lt's nice , got some water views, the beach, and l only have to take my canoe 100 mtrs to get on the river .
But it's another small town. We rented there when we first came to this area and loved living there .
But it is tiny . lt gets 3mill tourists a year though plus everyone from all the surrounding towns goes there on w/ends to so it's tiny but has a big influx of people coming and going all the time so it's a little bit different to others.
The thing is to, my d and l really like it there and she's use to it to because we lived there before. All her friends love hanging out there to so that's a bonus plus it's totally separate to ex's world yet very easy to come and go from for d. 
Our main town , much bigger , is 20mins up the road and even a lot of people from up there come down on wkends to.
So l'm hoping all that angle compensates the size of it as l do love it over there and there's no where else l like that can still be close to my daughter.

But l am even with all the people infllux it gets , still a little bit worried about it from the tiny angle , being single now and all.
But get this , beach house lives just up the road from where l'll be and the first thing she said was oh goodie l can visit.
l've had a feeling her decision was more fear than reality and l might be hearing from her when l move back.
l'd like to rebuy over there maybe next yr .


----------



## whitehawk

Could get no end of casual fun with all the visitors and holidayers the place gets but l'm not really into casual. Dunno about a steady though


----------



## bandit.45

poppyseed said:


> There's nothing wrong with being clear about what you would or you wouldn't.


I texted her yesterday thanking her for the great evening. No response. So...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Argh... awkward lol
> Can't imagine living in a small town again
> 
> Anyways you Americans celebrate father's day early


My town is about 10,000 people and my county is a little under 200,000 so not actually that small just I know a lot of people.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Ne, if he wants to find absolution that's between him and whatever god he's praying to!
> 
> Not between you and him! Your forgiveness is not his responsibility, hence his reasons for writing you are suspect





Another Planet said:


> NE that just ooozes manipulation. Yuck big time.


Very true

I dont know what he would want from me. I am glad he was finally able to shed some light on his actions during our marriage. 
It matters greatly because a part of me loved him still, however now I want to vomit whenever I see his picture.
I dislike him inmensily, because he made me feel I was a ****ty wife, a ****ty person when in reality it was him all along. 
I also regret all the years I spent trying to salvage our marriage and loving him. I know this dislike will turn into hate.
But I do not want to even give him my hate. He should get nothing but neutrality from me.


----------



## hope4family

bandit.45 said:


> I texted her yesterday thanking her for the great evening. No response. So...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good time to move on.


----------



## hope4family

06Daddio08 said:


> Happy Father's Day!


Same to you and the rest of us.


----------



## bandit.45

hope4family said:


> Good time to move on.


Yep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68

bandit.45 said:


> I texted her yesterday thanking her for the great evening. No response. So...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't figure women out either. I can usually get them into bed, but beyond the bedroom they mystify me. 
I am really freaking sad about this. I was a 3 month CONUS Training, I am 38, all of the women (10 women, 1 other guy) were straight out of college. I ran through a few of them before I met my match with this 25 year old hardbody. We spent every minute and night together, dating, new adventures and sex 2-3 a day.Eventually I figured out all her buttons and wore this girl down all the time. 

after we went back to our separate bases, We talked all the time, she was going to get stationed with me and blah blah blah. She and I visited each other every chance. She really broke my walls down and I thought I should treat her nicer and possibly make a future with her. But as soon as I started treating her like a girlfriend she started to pull away. Now all she wants is FWB anytime she knows I'm in her area (or she is in mine). I really was fooled. I hate this game


----------



## moxy

Vanton, that's too bad. Maybe she needs time to adjust. Maybe she just wanted a FWB all along.

I agree that the dating game is sometimes hateful.


----------



## moxy

I'm in a weird mood today. I kinda miss my FWB, but I'm not sure if I miss his company or just sex, but it's probably both. We're not in the same city tonight or I'd "hey baby" the hell out of a text his way. Instead, I think I'm going to sleep off some frustration because I've got work early tomorrow morning. *Grumble*.


----------



## Nsweet

Vanton68 said:


> I can't figure women out either. I can usually get them into bed, but beyond the bedroom they mystify me.
> I am really freaking sad about this. I was a 3 month CONUS Training, I am 38, all of the women (10 women, 1 other guy) were straight out of college. I ran through a few of them before I met my match with this 25 year old hardbody. We spent every minute and night together, dating, new adventures and sex 2-3 a day.Eventually I figured out all her buttons and wore this girl down all the time.
> 
> after we went back to our separate bases, We talked all the time, she was going to get stationed with me and blah blah blah. She and I visited each other every chance. She really broke my walls down and I thought I should treat her nicer and possibly make a future with her. But as soon as I started treating her like a girlfriend she started to pull away. Now all she wants is FWB anytime she knows I'm in her area (or she is in mine). I really was fooled. I hate this game


Women are not all that hard to figure out, unless you're expecting them to be more like you and all other men. Even the hardest woman is still a little sister inside. 

But that's besides the point. I can tell you how you f*cked up here.


*Short answer:* You wimped out on her. 



Are you ready for the long answer? Because you're not going to like what I have to say. 



*Long answer:* You took this woman you were having a whirlwind romance with and tried to force her to be your girlfriend. You probably think you softened up or turned into this "nice guy" but I'm more willing to believe you grew so insecure about losing her that you got needy/clingy and tried to force yourself to be something you're not... Or dropped the act from before and p*ssied out. The reason why she's pulling away, and there's a good reason, is because you let your fear of losing her get in the way. 

Now that's not to say she wouldn't have dumped you anyways. I mean, come one..... you met this girl, spent all your time with her, made her your life, had sex with her and only her, and then you expected that to last. That wouldn't have lasted. Where's the chase in that? What's there to make her want you..... When she already has you?

Women like men who are slightly less invested in them than they are. They like men who are a little harder to get and get committed. It drives them crazy to know they can't use sex or play nice and get you. Just look at all the women here who are going crazy over men who won't call them back and you'll see my point. 

So the next time she calls you for a booty call. You better not drop everything for her or immediately agree. In fact, I almost guarantee you she'll toy with you just to see if you'll bite and then cancel on you. And if you tell her you're too busy with another woman, which you will be, she will flip out and come around. 

See. Women are not that hard to figure out. They want the same things love, sex, relationships, but they expect you to be confident enough with yourself to take the lead in the relationship and hope you'll be the man they're looking for. You have to be pretty honest with yourself and be willing to have a life of your own so you're not losing yourself in her. And no woman likes a guy who puts her on a pedestal and becomes boring and domesticated.


----------



## RandomDude

Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no...

Ah, dating... wait, what's dating? Sounds like a complicated form of mating! Bah! Screw that!


----------



## RandomDude

What I do find ironic though is that one of the reasons my marriage failed was because my ex treated me like nothing more than a c-ck and a wallet. Yet 1.5 years into seperation, I'm STILL nothing more than a c-ck (minus the wallet)

Maybe I'm just not loveable, aside from making the occasional FWB get emotionally attached and having to end things because I don't feel the same way! Bah!


----------



## Vanton68

Nsweet said:


> Women are not all that hard to figure out, unless you're expecting them to be more like you and all other men. Even the hardest woman is still a little sister inside.
> 
> But that's besides the point. I can tell you how you f*cked up here.
> 
> 
> *Short answer:* You wimped out on her.
> 
> :iagree: If by wimped out, you mean I stopped using her as a play toy. All she did was tell me how much she thought we could be, while she was offering up EVERYTHING sexually. She wanted my babies. I knew better but eventually after a few months, I started to wonder. Which is when I softened up.
> 
> Are you ready for the long answer? Because you're not going to like what I have to say.
> 
> 
> 
> *Long answer:* You took this woman you were having a whirlwind romance with and tried to force her to be your girlfriend. You probably think you softened up or turned into this "nice guy" but I'm more willing to believe you grew so insecure about losing her that *you got needy/clingy and tried to force yourself to be something you're not... Or dropped the act from before and p*ssied out.*
> *You got that wrong. I'm hardly the clingy type, especially when she knew there was someone waiting to take her place.
> *
> 
> The reason why she's pulling away, and there's a good reason, is because you let your fear of losing her get in the way. *I just let my guard down, I wasn't running after her.*
> 
> Now that's not to say she wouldn't have dumped you anyways. I mean, come one..... you met this girl, spent all your time with her, made her your life, had sex with her and only her, and then you expected that to last. *I never thought it would last until she promised me the world for the millionth time*That wouldn't have lasted. Where's the chase in that? What's there to make her want you..... When she already has you?
> *she was chasing me and you are right, as soon as I invested back she was pretty much done*
> 
> Women like men who are slightly less invested in them than they are. They like men who are a little harder to get and get committed. It drives them crazy to know they can't use sex or play nice and get you. Just look at all the women here who are going crazy over men who won't call them back and you'll see my point.
> 
> So the next time she calls you for a booty call. You better not drop everything for her or immediately agree. In fact, I almost guarantee you she'll toy with you just to see if you'll bite and then cancel on you. And if you tell her you're too busy with another woman, which you will be, she will flip out and come around.
> 
> See. Women are not that hard to figure out. They want the same things love, sex, relationships, but they expect you to be confident enough with yourself to take the lead in the relationship and hope you'll be the man they're looking for. You have to be pretty honest with yourself and be willing to have a life of your own so you're not losing yourself in her. And no woman likes a guy who puts her on a pedestal and becomes boring and domesticated.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> What I do find ironic though is that one of the reasons my marriage failed was because *my ex treated me like nothing more than a c-ck and a wallet.*


Thought you said one of the best qualities of your ex was the non gold digger quality?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> *Long answer:*
> 
> Women like men who are slightly less invested in them than they are. They like men who are a little harder to get and get committed. It drives them crazy to know they can't use sex or play nice and get you. Just look at all the women here who are going crazy over men who won't call them back and you'll see my point.
> 
> So the next time she calls you for a booty call. You better not drop everything for her or immediately agree. In fact, I almost guarantee you she'll toy with you just to see if you'll bite and then cancel on you. And if you tell her you're too busy with another woman, which you will be, she will flip out and come around.


See, all this would do is piss me off. Why do men feel the need to play these kinds of games?? For God's sake, just be yourself!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> See, all this would do is piss me off. Why do men feel the need to play these kinds of games?? For God's sake, just be yourself!


Why does everything have to be a game with you? 

I swear, it's like if you're not in control of every little thing you blame other people for playing games. 

Me think the lady doth protest too much.... Because she's playing games with herself.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I found out last night that no amount of coffee and sleep is going to make me feel less tired?

Checked my recent bloodwork to see if my cholesterol was okay now.
Yes, it's wonderful!!! 

But TSH is high, low red blood cell count, low hematocrit and hemoglobin (not surprising because of low red blood cells) and also low white blood cells as well as just plain missing some types that I should have. And low potassium (although obviously not dangerously because I am still among the living.)

WTF. Think it is weird autoimmune thing I had before in my 20's..was not feeling right and asked friend who as PA on my base to check my blood, next thing I know I'm in home quarantine with some guy showing up at my door in a mask wanting my grocery list.

Well is too late, because last weekend I went to a university graduation with about 5 thousand people who came from all around the world. 

I just want to sleep. Never mind f*cking. 
Can't believe I'm still doing housework and work. I should be keeled over and in fetal position. Must have Raytheon Energizer Bunny batteries inside?????


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Why does everything have to be a game with you?
> 
> I swear, it's like if you're not in control of every little thing you blame other people for playing games.
> 
> Me think the lady doth protest too much.... Because she's playing games with herself.


Really? And what game would that be? I am very much single and NOT looking any more....


----------



## Fenix

Nsweet said:


> Women are not all that hard to figure out, unless you're expecting them to be more like you and all other men. Even the hardest woman is still a little sister inside.
> 
> But that's besides the point. I can tell you how you f*cked up here.
> 
> 
> *Short answer:* You wimped out on her.
> 
> 
> 
> Are you ready for the long answer? Because you're not going to like what I have to say.
> 
> 
> 
> *Long answer:* You took this woman you were having a whirlwind romance with and tried to force her to be your girlfriend. You probably think you softened up or turned into this "nice guy" but I'm more willing to believe you grew so insecure about losing her that you got needy/clingy and tried to force yourself to be something you're not... Or dropped the act from before and p*ssied out. The reason why she's pulling away, and there's a good reason, is because you let your fear of losing her get in the way.
> 
> Now that's not to say she wouldn't have dumped you anyways. I mean, come one..... you met this girl, spent all your time with her, made her your life, had sex with her and only her, and then you expected that to last. That wouldn't have lasted. Where's the chase in that? What's there to make her want you..... When she already has you?
> 
> Women like men who are slightly less invested in them than they are. They like men who are a little harder to get and get committed. It drives them crazy to know they can't use sex or play nice and get you. Just look at all the women here who are going crazy over men who won't call them back and you'll see my point.
> 
> So the next time she calls you for a booty call. You better not drop everything for her or immediately agree. In fact, I almost guarantee you she'll toy with you just to see if you'll bite and then cancel on you. And if you tell her you're too busy with another woman, which you will be, she will flip out and come around.
> 
> See. Women are not that hard to figure out. They want the same things love, sex, relationships, but they expect you to be confident enough with yourself to take the lead in the relationship and hope you'll be the man they're looking for. You have to be pretty honest with yourself and be willing to have a life of your own so you're not losing yourself in her. And no woman likes a guy who puts her on a pedestal and becomes boring and domesticated.


Nah.

I would guess that she is 25 and Vantone is 38. Different places. She wants fun and he wants more.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Fenix said:


> Nah.
> 
> I would guess that she is 25 and Vantone is 38. Different places. She wants fun and he wants more.


Exactly. Nothing else to it really, as it speaks for itself with the ages alone.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Really? And what game would that be? I am very much single and NOT looking any more....


You're using TAM to avoid dealing with intimacy issues and to avoid feeling vulnerable. That's why you call everything you don't like "playing games", because there's something in those posts that triggers you and you don't want to deal with it. Maybe something that reminds you of your cheating ex husband. 

It's so much easier to read stories on here and to give advice in hindsight about what you would do as a strong woman and how you would like to be treated by men, or call other people out on these games you don't like. But you're not doing anything yourself. You're seeking solace in self-help advice and the stories on here to avoid taking action, to avoid being vulnerable and getting rejected again. 

The game you're playing is avoiding life. 

And you know I've called you out before on how you like to torture yourself to do whatever it takes to make some of these men want to call you back and date you again. You don't have to do that if you can be true to yourself and find a man who you don't have to impress in order to get them to like you.


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh my, who poked him this morning?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Games can be fun. 
I think a person needs to be just a little bit delusional in order to start a new relationship. 
The trick is to both agree to turn the delusion into reality, bit by bit. 
When you think about how complex humans are, and how unlikely it is that you could ever take two adults evolved for the 21st century and put them together under one roof and have things function, the need for game-playing and delusion becomes clear. 
There's no harm in games, look at squirrels, birds, cats, horses, water mammals, they all play games when they want to mate. Just because humans are smart and understand the games doesn't mean that they shouldn't play them! Maybe just stop thinking about them so hard.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> And you know I've called you out before on how *you like to torture yourself to do whatever it takes to make some of these men want to call you back and date you again.* You don't have to do that if you can be true to yourself and find a man who you don't have to impress in order to get them to like you.


You must be thinking of someone else, because I have NEVER in my life done this!


----------



## Vanton68

06Daddio08 said:


> Exactly. Nothing else to it really, as it speaks for itself with the ages alone.


She chased, I denied. She promised the world, I still used her.after months of future talk, I started to wonder if she was real. She immediately pulled back after I decided to give us a shot at a relationship. And as far as anyone knows most people think I am around 30 years old and are very surprised I am almost 40. Mainly because of my body.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Oh my, who poked him this morning?


Several psychologists and a line of doctors.

But I think the gay dudes here want to poke me. They keep trying to get me to join their team and questioning everything I say that's a little bit off..... Turns out me and this other guy know the same 6'5" tranny.:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Vanton68 said:


> She chased, I denied. She promised the world, I still used her.after months of future talk, I started to wonder if she was real. She immediately pulled back after I decided to give us a shot at a relationship. And as far as anyone knows most people think I am around 30 years old and are very surprised I am almost 40. Mainly because of my body.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You mean like future projections and "us talk" about what you'll be doing ahead of time. 

Yeah, that's a red flag. 

It was THREE MONTHS. That's not a relationship, it's a fling at best. And from the sounds of it.... If she did you like that she probably jumped straight into another fling. You know, thrill chasing for sex.

Think about what a regular woman would do here. Would she tell you she loves you and try to plan your lives together after just a few months? Would she be a little hesitant and have boundaries of her own, and maybe want to get to know you better first? Doesn't what you told us about her just make her sound like a party girl to you?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Vanton68 said:


> She chased, I denied. She promised the world, I still used her.after months of future talk, I started to wonder if she was real. She immediately pulled back after I decided to give us a shot at a relationship. And as far as anyone knows most people think I am around 30 years old and are very surprised I am almost 40. Mainly because of my body.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most 25 year women just want the body at that age.  Notch it up to a learning experience and keep on keeping on man. As much as people like to think, there isn't any games required or 'techniques' to catching them. Just be yourself and continue working on you.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> The game you're playing is avoiding life.


Hey that's the game I'm playing too. It's actually not bad when you are the only player involved.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Hey that's the game I'm playing too. It's actually not bad when you are the only player involved.


It's the same game I've been playing too. 

Why do you think I'm so hard on myself? Because I can easily slip into depression again and end up eating through my feelings and doing NOTHING or getting suicidal. That's also why I'm quick to point out the same game being played by others in the hopes that they'll catch themselves and decide to quit the game.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you mention just a short time ago that you're finally over your ex and ready to get into dating now Nsweet?


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you mention just a short time ago that you're finally over your ex and ready to get into dating now Nsweet?


I already went on a date, my first date in years. She was really sweet and giggly. 

Right now I'm just more focused on getting back on my feet and getting a job and going back to school. Women have kinda taken a back seat to success for now. 

I hardly think about my ex anymore. I still have a few memories of her, but I don't focus on my past with her or my life before now very often. That was the last chapter and I'm focused on what's next to come.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> I already went on a date, my first date in years. She was really sweet and giggly.
> 
> Right now I'm just more focused on getting back on my feet and getting a job and going back to school. Women have kinda taken a back seat to success for now.
> 
> I hardly think about my ex anymore. I still have a few memories of her, but I don't focus on my past with her or my life before now very often. That was the last chapter and I'm focused on what's next to come.


You can do all that at once. 

While I am not looking for a relationship, I am opening up to women. It's helping, but I got to admit, it's exhausting.

Edit: But it's part of the learning curve.


----------



## Nsweet

hope4family said:


> You can do all that at once.
> 
> While I am not looking for a relationship, I am opening up to women. It's helping, but I got to admit, it's exhausting.


I am opening up to women. 

I joined a running club here and I go out of my way to talk to women around the hospital. There's a lot of lonely sweet women who are working their butts off for little to no appreciation. 

I just don't have any interest in having sex while being flat broke.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Nsweet said:


> I just don't have any interest in having sex while being flat broke.


I don't know, man. Flat broke or not, I always have an interest in having sex. I didn't do all this "body" work for nothing. lol


----------



## Nsweet

Dedicated2Her said:


> I don't know, man. Flat broke or not, I always have an interest in having sex. I didn't do all this "body" work for nothing. lol


I don't mind looking. But I can't afford anything on the menu right now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Hey that's the game I'm playing too. It's actually not bad when you are the only player involved.


I am not avoiding life. In fact life is busy beating the ever-lovin crap out of me!


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Thought you said one of the best qualities of your ex was the non gold digger quality?


Sure, but she was also a SAHM who was on maternity leave for the entire length of our marriage!


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> I don't mind looking. But I can't afford anything on the menu right now.


Nsweet buddy you are funny...or maybe I am just a big slvt but there is available women in all income brackets, I don't know why you are so hard on yourself


----------



## Nsweet

Another Planet said:


> Nsweet buddy you are funny...or maybe I am just a big slvt but there is available women in all income brackets, I don't know why you are so hard on yourself


That's something I'm working on with my shrink. I'm nice to everyone else but super hard on myself over every little thing. 

I know I could go out there and find a good woman right now. I just really want to.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Sure, but she was also a SAHM who was on maternity leave for the entire length of our marriage!


You have kids???? :scratchhead:

Man, I didn't realize that.


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> That's something I'm working on with my shrink. I'm nice to everyone else but super hard on myself over every little thing.
> 
> I know I could go out there and find a good woman right now. I just really want to.


I empathize. I jokingly call it "coming out of retirement." 

I hope one day you wake up and realize that like me, you can date and still work on yourself. But, rather, I think we all need to "get there" first.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Nsweet buddy you are funny...or maybe I am just a big slvt but there is available women in all income brackets, I don't know why you are so hard on yourself


And some women aren't looking for a big spender. My XH was a mess with money, so I'm looking for a future partner to be frugal. Not afraid to spend money when warranted, but smart about it. Any woman worth her salt will be more interested in your personality and companionship, than your wallet.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> And some women aren't looking for a big spender. My XH was a mess with money, so I'm looking for a future partner to be frugal. Not afraid to spend money when warranted, but smart about it. Any woman worth her salt will be more interested in your personality and companionship, than your wallet.


yes, but as a guy riding the budgetary line, even cheap dates end up costing a lot of money, whether the guy is picking up the tab or they are going dutch. and walks in the park only go so far. it is quite humiliating to meet someone new but be a unable to afford trying new things with them. I know how it is to be completely broke, to not even be able to offer someone a home made meal because all you have in the pantry is 4 potatoes and some wilting celery that has to provide your own meals for the following week, and to share would mean starving. yes there is the food bank, but personally I would rather just take my rations and skip the food bank line, than seek out a date. priorities, and when you are paycheck to paycheck, feeding yourself is the only priority.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lon said:


> yes, but as a guy riding the budgetary line, even cheap dates end up costing a lot of money, whether the guy is picking up the tab or they are going dutch. and walks in the park only go so far. it is quite humiliating to meet someone new but be a unable to afford trying new things with them. I know how it is to be completely broke, to not even be able to offer someone a home made meal because all you have in the pantry is 4 potatoes and some wilting celery that has to provide your own meals for the following week, and to share would mean starving. yes there is the food bank, but personally I would rather just take my rations and skip the food bank line, than seek out a date. priorities, and when you are paycheck to paycheck, feeding yourself is the only priority.


Well, I hope NSweet isn't THAT broke! I mean, Lon, you're really talking about extremes here.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I hope NSweet isn't THAT broke! I mean, Lon, you're really talking about extremes here.


Yes, it sometimes is that extreme. Usually the guys have to end up paying child support, which leaves very little for themselves, and hardly any or none for anyone else. 

As a woman, I do not want to be be 'bought' and have had dates complain that I don't let them pay my way. If I really like a guy and know for sure that he has the money, I may give in, but then when I don't want to see the guy any more usually he gets a little pi**y even if it's for a good reason, such as I am exhausted, or have my kids, or have to work and just don't have the time. I think letting someone else pay the tab indulges the thinking that a woman is something that is paid for, and needs to be taken care of, and is some kind of investment, so that there will be sex. Which is, ridiculous.

So happy over the weekend went to my son's graduation dinner and split the bill halfway with my son's girlfriend's dad, he did not even argue with me and I was sooooooo impressed, to know he has complete and supreme confidence in my abilities as head of household and professional wage-earner. None of this patronizing single-mom sh*t going on to make me feel like the bottom of the barrel scrapings. 

I'd like to start out equal, and stay equal.
And if there's a long term relationship and we split up, divide it up equal/equitably as well.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Divorce and single life is an odd thing. Last Wednesday I woke up not being able to move, in the middle of the night I had to force myself out of bed regardless of how painful it was to use the bathroom. Ultimately it was such a shock to my body that I actually passed out, I found it really hard being a single parent and having my kids see me like that. At one point I asked D7 if she knew how to dial 911 and explained to her that she might have to if I wasn't able to move.

Fast forward to today. The first couple days with the kids are always rather difficult, after spending 2 weeks with them I tend to rewind how things went and in truth I'm pretty hard on myself at times. Yet, I found myself dead set on keeping active (as told by my doctor) and went on a 8 mile walk, completing it in just over 2 hours. I couldn't have done that while having the kids and it's the first time I've gone that distance in one trek.

It's like night and day at times.


----------



## moxy

Daddio, congrats on getting through your walk. Life seems to have some wacky ups and downs, indeed.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> Daddio, congrats on getting through your walk. Life seems to have some wacky ups and downs, indeed.


When it rains it pours. My mother called me yesterday to tell me I'm selfish and she was no longer helping me with the kids in the morning (I drop them off and she brings them to daycare .... literally across the street for her). She also insulted my parenting. Happy Father's Day!

Long story short, I told her to go fvck herself. I don't care who you are or your relation to me, certain lines I won't tolerate being crossed.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

06Daddio08 said:


> Divorce and single life is an odd thing. Last Wednesday I woke up not being able to move, in the middle of the night I had to force myself out of bed regardless of how painful it was to use the bathroom. Ultimately it was such a shock to my body that I actually passed out, I found it really hard being a single parent and having my kids see me like that. At one point I asked D7 if she knew how to dial 911 and explained to her that she might have to if I wasn't able to move.
> 
> Fast forward to today. The first couple days with the kids are always rather difficult, after spending 2 weeks with them I tend to rewind how things went and in truth I'm pretty hard on myself at times. Yet, I found myself dead set on keeping active (as told by my doctor) and went on a 8 mile walk, completing it in just over 2 hours. I couldn't have done that while having the kids and it's the first time I've gone that distance in one trek.
> 
> It's like night and day at times.


I've been there. My kids are so helpful and brilliant! When my boyfriend (former) almost died of a brain hemorrhage, the first day or two I was in shock, then woke up in the middle of the night hysterical and sobbing uncontrollably (did not know I was capable of that.) My daughter came running into the room and said, hey, are you all right, should I call 911? 

Anyhow, my med I take is taped to the phone, so it's right there if it's needed. Also it's a good idea to write 911 on the phone (masking tape) because in a panic people do forget that number.

I'm having a bit of a health crisis right now, thyroid is messed up and I have no functioning immune system and am not making enough red blood cells. It's some kind of autoimmune thing I've had before only this time with thyroid too. Potassium got low and was a bit dizzy so had banana smoothie, sweet potatoes and potatoes plus half an avocado today, hoping to not die in sleep of heart failure while waiting for VA to return my call. Yes, they know about my labs but probably have to call in the specialists and can't bring me into the clinic because I might get sick while there due to low white blood counts. (No worries I work for patient safety, we will figure something out, they can't afford to let me die right now.)

I had to tell my kids no trip to Quebec, last thing I can do right now is leave the country or travel let alone bike 300 miles pulling gear. Bummer. We will do something else more relaxing, like one of the AMC full-service campgrounds where we camp and they cook.

Let your kids help.
It's less scary when they know what's going on. I took my kids to the neuro ICU quite a bit and they liked knowing that their visits were helpful (as they were, both for friend and his elderly roommate who had no family.)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

06Daddio08 said:


> When it rains it pours. My mother called me yesterday to tell me I'm selfish and she was no longer helping me with the kids in the morning (I drop them off and she brings them to daycare .... literally across the street for her). She also insulted my parenting. Happy Father's Day!
> 
> Long story short, I told her to go fvck herself. I don't care who you are or your relation to me, certain lines I won't tolerate being crossed.


Whoa, nothing like giving you a head's up on that.
Sounds like you'll be better off without her 'help.'


----------



## hope4family

06Daddio08 said:


> When it rains it pours. My mother called me yesterday to tell me I'm selfish and she was no longer helping me with the kids in the morning (I drop them off and she brings them to daycare .... literally across the street for her). She also insulted my parenting. Happy Father's Day!
> 
> Long story short, I told her to go fvck herself. I don't care who you are or your relation to me, certain lines I won't tolerate being crossed.


I've been there. 

She will come around...or not.


----------



## unsure78

Venting. .. grrrrrrrrrrrrr exh..... never ask him for almost anything. .. ask him to flip flop weekends well in advance . Hes being a d1ck about it cause he thinks im seeing someone, which I am but its not the point, D 2 yrs people, he cheated and wanted the D..... seriously he barely pays CS, only when he feels like it, and will skip on seeing his son when hes "tired" (though hes been better lately).. im giving a month and half notice. ..grrrr... then he started trying to threaten being to busy to see the kid at all....I hate his threats, and I hate that he can still threaten me.. he will follow thru if I push him... and all cause he thinks im seeing someone...

Someone tell me how else to handle him...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

unsure78 said:


> Venting. .. grrrrrrrrrrrrr exh..... never ask him for almost anything. .. ask him to flip flop weekends well in advance . Hes being a d1ck about it cause he thinks im seeing someone, which I am but its not the point, D 2 yrs people, he cheated and wanted the D..... seriously he barely pays CS, only when he feels like it, and will skip on seeing his son when hes "tired" (though hes been better lately).. im giving a month and half notice. ..grrrr... then he started trying to threaten being to busy to see the kid at all....I hate his threats, and I hate that he can still threaten me.. he will follow thru if I push him... and all cause he thinks im seeing someone...
> 
> Someone tell me how else to handle him...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Child support paid through state or collected by an attorney's office (where they will take him into court and ask for legal fees every time he's late) and as for visitation he can be on a schedule at the school or day care and pick ups and drop offs are there. If he doesn't show, ask the school or day care to document, and file child neglect/abandonment charges on him. He's easy prey. Don't get your panties all twisted, that's what he's trying to do, and don't go complaining to the new guy, he won't be impressed, just handle your problem as he is your ex and hold him accountable the easy way, sick a wolf on him and then sit back and let him spin his wheels trying to make you upset. The more he tries the deeper he'll sink.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> *Child support paid through state or collected by an attorney's office (where they will take him into court and ask for legal fees every time he's late)* and as for visitation he can be on a schedule at the school or day care and pick ups and drop offs are there. If he doesn't show, ask the school or day care to document, and file child neglect/abandonment charges on him. He's easy prey. Don't get your panties all twisted, that's what he's trying to do, and don't go complaining to the new guy, he won't be impressed, just handle your problem as he is your ex and hold him accountable the easy way, sick a wolf on him and then sit back and let him spin his wheels trying to make you upset. The more he tries the deeper he'll sink.


THIS for sure. Whether HE likes it or not. My ex has always paid me directly, its never been an issue, but he seems to think that he is some kind of GOD because he pays. I agree with the pick ups at school too. 

Personally I was going to suggest you "handle" him with both hands...around his neck....just kidding...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

People don't change just because you divorce them. They are the same people, and they will find ways to relate to you just as they were doing before. Your job is to find new ways to relate to them now that you are not related and you have new civil rights (that you should have had while married but our society is not evolved enough to guarantee or enforce them.)

Do NOT reinforce bad behavior by rewarding it. Remember, it's like with kids or dogs...negative attention is better than no attention at all. The only attention they should be getting is logistical and regarding kids' medical, etc. You can set up an email that is shared/copied to attorney's office or guardian ad litem, with all correspondence being monitored. This usually stops bad behavior in its tracks.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> You have kids???? :scratchhead:
> 
> Man, I didn't realize that.


Only now you know? :scratchhead: lol

Just 1 daughter who I have every weekend (also why I see ex every weekend)


----------



## unsure78

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> People don't change just because you divorce them. They are the same people, and they will find ways to relate to you just as they were doing before. Your job is to find new ways to relate to them now that you are not related and you have new civil rights (that you should have had while married but our society is not evolved enough to guarantee or enforce them.)
> 
> Do NOT reinforce bad behavior by rewarding it. Remember, it's like with kids or dogs...negative attention is better than no attention at all. The only attention they should be getting is logistical and regarding kids' medical, etc. You can set up an email that is shared/copied to attorney's office or guardian ad litem, with all correspondence being monitored. This usually stops bad behavior in its tracks.


Yes something needs to change, his behavior has gone on too long, the threats need to stop
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Venting. .. grrrrrrrrrrrrr exh..... never ask him for almost anything. .. ask him to flip flop weekends well in advance . Hes being a d1ck about it cause he thinks im seeing someone, which I am but its not the point, D 2 yrs people, he cheated and wanted the D..... seriously he barely pays CS, only when he feels like it, and will skip on seeing his son when hes "tired" (though hes been better lately).. im giving a month and half notice. ..grrrr... then he started trying to threaten being to busy to see the kid at all....I hate his threats, and I hate that he can still threaten me.. he will follow thru if I push him... and all cause he thinks im seeing someone...
> 
> Someone tell me how else to handle him...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doesn't it just drive you bonkers?! Ex obviously didn't want to take care of your needs so what's his problem when someone steps up to the plate?
My exWife same fckn thing...she cheated on me and I divorced her now she has been replaced, where is the confusion at?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Doesn't it just drive you bonkers?! Ex obviously didn't want to take care of your needs so what's his problem when someone steps up to the plate?
> My exWife same fckn thing...she cheated on me and I divorced her now she has been replaced, where is the confusion at?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know right? I dont get it... my therapist today said that she thought he was still emotionally attached to me and thats why he pulls garbage like this.. but im like this is what he wanted... he wanted to D, he wanted to be with his gf... but he doesn't want me to move on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Why would he? I mean how dare you move on from the greatest thing since sliced bread


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Where the hell is Jellybeans??


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> I know right? I dont get it... *my therapist today said that she thought he was still emotionally attached to me and thats why he pulls garbage like this*..


He is. But it's not love, it's called control. Like when I have a photo taken with a female friend, it will get posted on social media, and my ex-wife (whom I am not friends with) congratulates me on dating them.

Or even better, the look of hatred that appears on her face the moment I show up with a female friend. Most have actually been scared by her glares. 



unsure78 said:


> but im like this is what he wanted... he wanted to D, he wanted to be with his gf... but he doesn't want me to move on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup, it's just more control and manipulation. It's been over a year for me, and I do not see her changing ever.

The best thing that could happen to us, is that they find someone they are so enamored with that they forget about us and our kids. 

Sure, it will be harder to have no single "weekends". But, I'd love that life with me and my boy. Personally at least.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> Yes something needs to change, his behavior has gone on too long, the threats need to stop
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How about making him pay his full child support through maintenance? That way he can be wage gouged to the end of time for being a deadbeat.


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> I know right? I dont get it... my therapist today said that she thought he was still emotionally attached to me and thats why he pulls garbage like this.. but im like this is what he wanted... he wanted to D, he wanted to be with his gf... but he doesn't want me to move on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's clearly still attached to you in some way and if it's not attachment then it's resentment because you're moving onward and his fantasy isn't working out like he thought it would.

The ex and I have had our battles, she has told me she would make things difficult and I told her if that's what she wants to do, that's up to her. There was no 'game' on my end by replying like that, it's simply the truth. I can't control what she wants to do or threaten to do.

As far as I know, she's still with the OM in her long distance thing but that doesn't stop me from being able to work things out with her in regards to visitation changes etc. If I put aside what happened between us and everything I've been through because of it, I can admit that for the most part we co-parent rather well together.

The *only* reason I believe that's possible is because I've stood my ground and fought for what I felt was right. Even if that meant we were at each others throats for months at a time or didn't communicate directly for just as long. In a way, she also did that to me because I'm well aware it's just not worth it anymore, so I continue on with my life.

If your ex isn't being held accountable for missed visits, a lack of child support payments and everything else he gets to be wishy-washy about ... why would he start now? You've taught him it's okay to act like this.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> The *only* reason I believe that's possible is because I've stood my ground and fought for what I felt was right. Even if that meant we were at each others throats for months at a time or didn't communicate directly for just as long. In a way, she also did that to me because I'm well aware it's just not worth it anymore, so I continue on with my life.


Possibly, but I think it has more to do that you do not have an ex with a severe narcissistic personality disorder. She may be selfish and entitled, but no where near the control freak nature of someone like unsures ex. 



06Daddio08 said:


> If your ex isn't being held accountable for missed visits, a lack of child support payments and everything else he gets to be wishy-washy about ... why would he start now? You've taught him it's okay to act like this.


Sometimes its not even worth the fight trying to hold people like him accountable. But I do think some sort of enforcement is needed. At least one more attempt through the courts. "Authority" like judges/courts usually do straighten them out, at least for a second. Until they decide to throw another temper tantrum, that is.


----------



## 06Daddio08

If he gets to choose when to pay support or see his son, there isn't any enforcement to begin with.


----------



## RandomDude

Man, am I like the only one here with an amicable relationship with the ex?


----------



## hope4family

RandomDude said:


> Man, am I like the only one here with an amicable relationship with the ex?


That may be the case. 

My ex wants an amicable relationship. But only on her terms, and unfortunately her terms have no pro's to me only con's.

Edit: 
In regards to our son. She is getting better. But still feels like I owe her things like gas money for visitations.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Man, am I like the only one here with an amicable relationship with the ex?


My situation goes from hot to cold on a 6 month cycle pretty much. Haha. It's much better than it was and I feel that our kids are doing pretty good.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Man, am I like the only one here with an amicable relationship with the ex?


No, mine with my daughter's father is amicable as well. But only because I bite my tongue CONSTANTLY to avoid ripping him a new one over what a worthless, lazy father he is. She turns 18 soon, so my tongue biting may be coming to an end soon.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Man, am I like the only one here with an amicable relationship with the ex?


Nope. ExH and I have a pretty atypical divorced/friendly relationship. Poppyseed has also mentioned he has a good relationship with the ex.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

unsure78 said:


> Venting. .. grrrrrrrrrrrrr exh..... never ask him for almost anything. .. ask him to flip flop weekends well in advance . Hes being a d1ck about it cause he thinks im seeing someone, which I am but its not the point, D 2 yrs people, he cheated and wanted the D..... seriously he barely pays CS, only when he feels like it, and will skip on seeing his son when hes "tired" (though hes been better lately).. im giving a month and half notice. ..grrrr... then he started trying to threaten being to busy to see the kid at all....I hate his threats, and I hate that he can still threaten me.. he will follow thru if I push him... and all cause he thinks im seeing someone...
> 
> Someone tell me how else to handle him...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let him threaten to not see them. Although it will hurt his feelings, don't sugar coat it. Tell him how amazing he is and that you just don't get it. 

And call him on his bluff. Let him skip seeing his son. If he's truly NPD he is mentally healthier for not having that interaction, quite honestly. Google kids of narcissists and you'll see. My daughter, being the only, is the golden child. He can't get enough of her. She's perfection, just ask him (because she's his progeny - he forgets half that DNA is mine). She can do no wrong and praises her CONSTANTLY for nothing besides existing - his texts are practically nauseating sometimes. But his love is conditional and that's scary for kids. They need emotional security.

Screw him and figure something out if he won't switch and report him to your child support agency to collect. 

It's not about being hung up on you (sorry counselor is wrong - she doesn't understand NPD) - you are the enemy. An NPD has only allies and enemies. No one neutral. Therefore he doesn't want you to be happy and he will be preoccupied with making you miserable except when he is being admired. As soon as his need for ego stroking isn't being filled, his mind will wander to his enemies - anyone who has done him wrong. And he will switch his focus to how to make life hell for them.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Where the hell is Jellybeans??


I'm here. I needed a TAM breather. Though maybe it needs to last longer. Hehehe.



unsure78 said:


> I know right? I dont get it... my therapist today said that she thought he was still emotionally attached to me and thats why he pulls garbage like this.. but im like this is what he wanted... he wanted to D, he wanted to be with his gf... but he doesn't want me to move on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally par for the course. A lot of these ex spouses, even (and especially) when they were the ones who wanted the divorce can't seem to let go or believe that you are actually moving on. So ti's like a stab in his heart to know or think you are with someone else. Too bad so sad for him.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> I know right? I dont get it... my therapist today said that she thought he was still emotionally attached to me and thats why he pulls garbage like this.. but im like this is what he wanted... he wanted to D, he wanted to be with his gf... but he doesn't want me to move on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So, why doesn't your "man" switch weekends? My ex is a pain on that stuff so my gf switched with hers. Not that hard....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dedicated2Her said:


> So, why doesn't your "man" switch weekends? My ex is a pain on that stuff so my gf switched with hers. Not that hard....


my ex and i had to juggle a couple weeks over the summer to accommodate summer camps and vacation. she wanted to just switch it up, but in the three years we've been coparenting we have stuck to the base schedule, and my whole year is planned based on that schedule so that I can plan other vacation time, or other scheduling exceptions such as Christmas, father's day etc. to me personally having that consistent schedule is important, and my ex is perfectly accommodating of that. my son is with me only half the time and I need to made the absolute most of that.


----------



## muskrat

Why does it seem like the guys that put in the extra effort to see their children, pay support willingly are the ones whose exes have no problem dragging them to court for more support and constant badgering. On the other hand the guys that don't pay, act as if it is a hassle to see their kids are the ones that have exes that say it is to much of a hassle to enforce cs and visitation.
It seems the good parents get punished and the dead beats get their way.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Why does it seem like the guys that put in the extra effort to see their children, pay support willingly are the ones whose exes have no problem dragging them to court for more support and constant badgering. On the other hand the guys that don't pay, act as if it is a hassle to see their kids are the ones that have exes that say it is to much of a hassle to enforce cs and visitation.
> It seems the good parents get punished and the dead beats get their way.


Nice guys finish last  
The good ones were most likely in relationships with BADDD women and they were taken advantage of during the marriage too.

I don't even know how the deadbeats get away with not spending time in jail? My CS goes through the courts so if I don't pay I get paid a visit by the sheriff's department.

Why does it always have to be lop sided, why does there always have to be someone who takes advantage?


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> Why does it seem like the guys that put in the extra effort to see their children, pay support willingly are the ones whose exes have no problem dragging them to court for more support and constant badgering. On the other hand the guys that don't pay, act as if it is a hassle to see their kids are the ones that have exes that say it is to much of a hassle to enforce cs and visitation.
> It seems the good parents get punished and the dead beats get their way.


To be fair, even with the plethora of my ex's personal problems, she manages to be pretty fair when it comes to time with the kids. She also doesn't badger me for money. So, I have no complaints other than the insane adult drama that my kids get shown.


----------



## unsure78

Dedicated2Her said:


> So, why doesn't your "man" switch weekends? My ex is a pain on that stuff so my gf switched with hers. Not that hard....



that may occur... his D is more fresh and i didnt think mine would be that big of a deal, it was only when the ex suspected that i was seeing someone he decided to become difficult
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> Possibly, but I think it has more to do that you do not have an ex with a severe narcissistic personality disorder. She may be selfish and entitled, but no where near the control freak nature of someone like unsures ex.
> 
> 
> 
> Sometimes its not even worth the fight trying to hold people like him accountable. But I do think some sort of enforcement is needed. At least one more attempt through the courts. "Authority" like judges/courts usually do straighten them out, at least for a second. Until they decide to throw another temper tantrum, that is.


im not sure if he is actually NPD or not.... selfish yesss

I cannot enforce his visitation of the child, yes i can take him to court for child support, though its small amount of money... just frustrated that 2 yrs later we cant have an adult coparenting relationship, though i knew when we got the D it would be like this... sum it up I married a child, and he will always be that way. However you all are correct and some form of accountability is needed... we were together a long time and he knows that threats push my buttons. Trust that i am much stronger with him than I used to be, but I clearly still am not where I need to be... when he started threatening and stonewalling the change I didnt back down, like I would have in the past. I stood my ground and he left being pissy. I didnt let him see he bothered me but obviously it did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

How can they seriously be so angry and bitter inside still, it is just insane sometimes! I can say something to my exWife and it will end there for me and we won't talk for days if not a week and then she will bring it up again?! Like seriously you obsessed over it for that long? Don't you have a life and something better to do?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> How can they seriously be so angry and bitter inside still, it is just insane sometimes! I can say something to my exWife and it will end there for me and we won't talk for days if not a week and then she will bring it up again?! Like seriously you obsessed over it for that long? Don't you have a life and something better to do?


I'm still prone to a little anger and bitterness from time to time. Lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm still prone to a little anger and bitterness from time to time. Lol.


Yeah but you aren't the one that wanted the divorce, cheated, had a gf and left your ex. 

Of course the BS is going to hold onto a little bit of anger and what not. 

Its the ones who wanted out, that wanted to leave for someone else that wanted the "better life" that I really don't understand where their bitterness comes from. They got what they wanted so wtf?

I hear through the grapevine my ex is even still spitting vile things about me and how I forced him out of the house and how its my fault regarding his financial situation..... :scratchhead:

Like AP said - don't they have anything better to do??? Like their new fan-tabulous life??


----------



## hope4family

unsure78 said:


> that may occur... his D is more fresh and i didnt think mine would be that big of a deal, *it was only when the ex suspected that i was seeing someone he decided to become difficult*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good looking woman like yourself BETTER move on to seeing someone else. Waist of youth otherwise. :smthumbup:

I feel the same way about my ex, she better be seeing someone else. I want her to be as happy and content with life as possible. I believe in the long run it will be good for our child.

Ex has also admitted to "taking things out on me" when her post divorce day hasn't gone well. I put a constant firm stop to that really quickly. 

Just sayin, you're not alone.


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## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> his D is more fresh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


how fresh?

Nevermind...I remember.


----------



## muskrat

I guess I'm finally making progress towards finalizing the divorce. My ex finally responded to my settlement proposal. She wants 55% of all assets, a list of items, 3 years of alimony and a few other odds and ends. She is still claiming some items are worth way more than they are even though I have had them appraised. She is also claiming that she is not responsible for any payments I have made for the last 2 and a half years. SO I made all the payments after separation and she wants all the value from the machinery and real estate. She is really shooting for the moon. There is no way I would ever agree to this. Then my damn lawyer goes and delays the masters hearing since they are now willing to negotiate. This crap sucks!!!


----------



## muskrat

Would someone please just tell me this is all just a bad nightmare?

How does she get to have an affair with my best friend, abandon our family and I am the one forced to pay the price?


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## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> She is really shooting for the moon.


Of course she is. It's called....negotiating.


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> Would someone please just tell me this is all just a bad nightmare?
> 
> How does she get to have an affair with my best friend, abandon our family and I am the one forced to pay the price?


It's called settlement for a reason. 

Sure, her and your friend broke the contract. Just no longer keep an association with either. 

Treat it as a business. I empathize with you. Once it's over, any price you agree to pay you will sleep 10x better over.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I guess I'm finally making progress towards finalizing the divorce. My ex finally responded to my settlement proposal. She wants 55% of all assets, a list of items, 3 years of alimony and a few other odds and ends. She is still claiming some items are worth way more than they are even though I have had them appraised. She is also claiming that she is not responsible for any payments I have made for the last 2 and a half years. SO I made all the payments after separation and she wants all the value from the machinery and real estate. She is really shooting for the moon. *There is no way I would ever agree to this. *Then my damn lawyer goes and delays the masters hearing since they are now willing to negotiate. This crap sucks!!!


Good for you! I know you want it over and done, but keep fighting this, Rat, until its the terms that YOU want. Rotten cheating B...


----------



## muskrat

Dedicated2Her said:


> Of course she is. It's called....negotiating.


I guess I went about this wrong. I made the first offer. I made one that was equitable and based on a 50/50 split. I guess I should have just made her some ridiculous low ball offer. I was trying to be fair so we could end this.


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## vi_bride04

F* being fair!!!!

She can't even give you the divorce she wanted oh so badly??? Why does she continue to drag this out??

I'm so p!ssed for your rat. Screw her!!!!!


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> I guess I went about this wrong. I made the first offer. I made one that was equitable and based on a 50/50 split. I guess I should have just made her some ridiculous low ball offer. I was trying to be fair so we could end this.


Be fair in divorce? LOL. To a woman who broke your family up. Heck, you are being fair by allowing her to see your children!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I guess I'm finally making progress towards finalizing the divorce. My ex finally responded to my settlement proposal. She wants 55% of all assets, a list of items, 3 years of alimony and a few other odds and ends. She is still claiming some items are worth way more than they are even though I have had them appraised. She is also claiming that she is not responsible for any payments I have made for the last 2 and a half years. SO I made all the payments after separation and she wants all the value from the machinery and real estate. She is really shooting for the moon. There is no way I would ever agree to this. Then my damn lawyer goes and delays the masters hearing since they are now willing to negotiate. This crap sucks!!!


oh wow!!
I am angry for you!! How long were you two married?
I simply do not understand how some people really want to screw their spouses when a divorce happens.

I left with only my car, clothes, books, and memories.
I wanted nothing else, even my lawyer said that the separation agreement was one sided (on his favor). 
I didn't care, all I wanted was to get away. I hope God continues to bless me with good health and work.


----------



## muskrat

Did I mention we already have 50/50 custody, that's right my kids live with half the time and I still pay $600 a month in CS.

If she has her way I will be left with nothing and be responsible for giving her $850 a month. I have no clue how she decided she should be entitled to a 55/45 split on assets. 

I know these dollar amounts may not sound like much to some of you. But I am just a blue collar worker. I don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars.


----------



## muskrat

On the plus side things are going really well with my new GF. We are going camping this weekend. Maybe I'll be able to end my long dry spell.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

muskrat said:


> Did I mention we already have 50/50 custody, that's right my kids live with half the time and I still pay $600 a month in CS.
> 
> If she has her way I will be left with nothing and be responsible for giving her $850 a month. I have no clue how she decided she should be entitled to a 55/45 split on assets.
> 
> I know these dollar amounts may not sound like much to some of you. But I am just a blue collar worker. I don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars.


Mine was one sided too, rat. To her side. BUT, now I have more money than I ever did married because she isn't out spending!!


----------



## Shooboomafoo

New girlfriend,, new boyfriend,,,, FWB..... dammit how do you people get so lucky???? MAybe its location?? I must be stuck in the middle of the fking GOBI DESERT... Houston sucks so incredibly bad....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> *Did I mention we already have 50/50 custody, that's right my kids live with half the time and I still pay $600 a month in CS.
> *
> If she has her way I will be left with nothing and be responsible for giving her $850 a month. I have no clue how she decided she should be entitled to a 55/45 split on assets.
> 
> I know these dollar amounts may not sound like much to some of you. But I am just a blue collar worker. I don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars.


See about getting THAT to go bye bye, or wayyy reduced.


----------



## unsure78

Shooboomafoo said:


> New girlfriend,, new boyfriend,,,, FWB..... dammit how do you people get so lucky???? MAybe its location?? I must be stuck in the middle of the fking GOBI DESERT... Houston sucks so incredibly bad....



shoo do you go out and put yourself out there? do you do meetup groups, online dating, or throw yourself into a new activity?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

3Xnocharm said:


> See about getting THAT to go bye bye, or wayyy reduced.


It isn't going to be. Even with 50/50 custody, their is a weighted part of the formula based upon income.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Shooboomafoo said:


> New girlfriend,, new boyfriend,,,, FWB..... dammit how do you people get so lucky???? MAybe its location?? I must be stuck in the middle of the fking GOBI DESERT... Houston sucks so incredibly bad....


I was in Houston for my little fun weekend! LOL


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



muskrat said:


> Did I mention we already have 50/50 custody, that's right my kids live with half the time and I still pay $600 a month in CS.
> 
> If she has her way I will be left with nothing and be responsible for giving her $850 a month. I have no clue how she decided she should be entitled to a 55/45 split on assets.
> 
> I know these dollar amounts may not sound like much to some of you. But I am just a blue collar worker. I don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars.


not sure how it is in your jurisdiction, but in my country assets AND debt at the time of separation are split equally. if you can't reach agreement for child support it will all come down to individual incomes (or ability to provide a certain income) looked up in a state table. And spousal support, if any is awarded at all, is almost always interim, and based on actual necessity.

I hope you trust your lawyer to be able to negotiate this for you, I know you want fairness so he better go out and have no mercy in order to get that for you.

just keep documenting everything like you have been.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

Well, lets see,, I have my daughter every other week for the week, so that limits social interaction with singles... Ive seen the meetup groups in my area, and it just seems pathetic. 20 dudes and 3 women... Do I put myself out there? how so? Go to bars alone? Visit the museum ? I guess not. Low on funds, for a long time to do too much.

D2H, here is a star for your forehead.


----------



## unsure78

Shooboomafoo said:


> Well, lets see,, I have my daughter every other week for the week, so that limits social interaction with singles... Ive seen the meetup groups in my area, and it just seems pathetic. 20 dudes and 3 women... Do I put myself out there? how so? Go to bars alone? Visit the museum ? I guess not. Low on funds, for a long time to do too much.
> 
> D2H, here is a star for your forehead.


I have my kid majority and still have made dating work.... i dont know meetups were cool.if you go in with no expectations of having to meet someone... and it doesn't have to be a singles meetup... is there something you enjoy doing? hikes or wine tasting or dancing? there are meetup groups for all of thoes things... once you start expanding your soical circle its easy to meet new people...

online dating can be ok too if you dont expect too much and have a sense of humor 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Shooboomafoo said:


> Well, lets see,, I have my daughter every other week for the week, so that limits social interaction with singles... Ive seen the meetup groups in my area, and it just seems pathetic. 20 dudes and 3 women... Do I put myself out there? how so? Go to bars alone? Visit the museum ? I guess not. Low on funds, for a long time to do too much.
> 
> D2H, here is a star for your forehead.


shoo, the more desperate you are the easier they detect it 

next time you are out, puff out your chest a little like you got a harem of maxim models at home, and keep your energy subdued (as in the way you would if you were up all night every night being pleased by your harem of maxim girls). and try not to think about what all those high healed dames you see all over the place in public would look like underneath you in private or else you'll drive yourself insane with lust.


----------



## hope4family

Shooboomafoo said:


> Well, lets see,, I have my daughter every other week for the week, so that limits social interaction with singles... Ive seen the meetup groups in my area, and it just seems pathetic. 20 dudes and 3 women... Do I put myself out there? how so? Go to bars alone? Visit the museum ? I guess not. Low on funds, for a long time to do too much.
> 
> D2H, here is a star for your forehead.


You are never going to find someone with that kind of attitude. 

Make the most of circumstances my friend. When hanging out with a bunch of guys, make guy friends and grow from there.


----------



## unsure78

Lon said:


> shoo, the more desperate you are the easier they detect it
> 
> next time you are out, puff out your chest a little like you got a harem of maxim models at home, and keep your energy subdued (as in the way you would if you were up all night every night being pleased by your harem of maxim girls). and try not to think about what all those high healed dames you see all over the place in public would look like underneath you in private or else you'll drive yourself insane with lust.


LOL LOVE this Lon!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> oh wow!!
> I am angry for you!! How long were you two married?
> I simply do not understand how some people really want to screw their spouses when a divorce happens.
> 
> I left with only my car, clothes, books, and memories.
> I wanted nothing else, even my lawyer said that the separation agreement was one sided (on his favor).
> I didn't care, all I wanted was to get away. I hope God continues to bless me with good health and work.


Good for you.

I however want to screw my x badly. Very badly. And you know what? He deserves it.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

I guess I haven't really tried. The more I read here, and get a feel of how people/singles think, the more I feel like I am destined to be alone. Everyone is everyone else's FWB?? Those of us who would like to meet someone nice, get to read this sht on a daily basis, and try not to compare their lives. I guess I ought to try to glean some sense of "how" others are doing it, but no one goes into that kind of detail of where they met, what circumstances, etc. 

Talking about attitude? Look at what there is to look forward to... I get to feel special about someone that's been out banging everything that moves? Lucky me. I'll have that with a side of herpes please!! 

It is just going extremely slow in that area. The days go by, the weeks turn to months, and it gets to looking bleak.


----------



## Fenix

Shooboomafoo said:


> Well, lets see,, I have my daughter every other week for the week, so that limits social interaction with singles... Ive seen the meetup groups in my area, and it just seems pathetic. 20 dudes and 3 women... Do I put myself out there? how so? Go to bars alone? Visit the museum ? I guess not. Low on funds, for a long time to do too much.
> 
> D2H, here is a star for your forehead.


I just looked...there are a ton of meet ups in Houston. It looks to be as active as my area. Maybe it is your attitude that is driving women away?


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## Shooboomafoo

Thanks Fenix. 
I haven't done a whole lot to show my attitude to anyone. As I mentioned, I don't get out a lot. I do what I can, but what I am running into is fking ridiculous, and that gets frustrating. Yeah, maybe it is my attitude, because I don't like the idea of fking around, or being someone's dude #3 of the week.


----------



## Fenix

Shooboomafoo said:


> I guess I haven't really tried. The more I read here, and get a feel of how people/singles think, the more I feel like I am destined to be alone. Everyone is everyone else's FWB?? Those of us who would like to meet someone nice, get to read this sht on a daily basis, and try not to compare their lives. I guess I ought to try to glean some sense of "how" others are doing it, but no one goes into that kind of detail of where they met, what circumstances, etc.
> 
> Talking about attitude? Look at what there is to look forward to... I get to feel special about someone that's been out banging everything that moves? Lucky me. I have that with a side of herpes please!!
> 
> It is just going extremely slow in that area. The days go by, the weeks turn to months, and it gets to looking bleak.


Shoo,
You are really judgmental and I would guess not just in this area. Maybe that is getting in your way. The vibes that your posts are giving off (esp today) are worrisome and frustrating. Take a step back and be objective. While you may not be interested in a casual sex relationship, it really isn't your business if someone else is...as long as they are not hurting someone else. Meanwhile, just don't do it. Be open to meeting people, stop with the judgment and learn how to relax. Have you been through any IC?


----------



## Shooboomafoo

But it was a lack of judgement that got me into this mess.

IC was like going to the auto repair shop. Keeping you coming back while the answers are dangled just out of sight... then I ran out of money, and the divorce happened anyways.
I have become judgmental, considering, if it were I who was meeting someone, and they had an interest in casual sexual relationships, it would leave no room for me, and would be one more person I had to feel something for, and then shove it down and away to prevent hurt. 
I don't like hurting anymore. Im 42, and I have had my share. People think the divorce is the be all end all of it, but the consequences of a divorce are longstanding and effect things one would never think they would. Guess its best right now that I don't try dating or meeting women. I can see where not being with the times can be off putting...


----------



## unsure78

Shooboomafoo said:


> I guess I haven't really tried. The more I read here, and get a feel of how people/singles think, the more I feel like I am destined to be alone. Everyone is everyone else's FWB?? Those of us who would like to meet someone nice, get to read this sht on a daily basis, and try not to compare their lives. I guess I ought to try to glean some sense of "how" others are doing it, but no one goes into that kind of detail of where they met, what circumstances, etc.
> 
> Talking about attitude? Look at what there is to look forward to... I get to feel special about someone that's been out banging everything that moves? Lucky me. I have that with a side of herpes please!!
> 
> It is just going extremely slow in that area. The days go by, the weeks turn to months, and it gets to looking bleak.



Shoo a lot of people dont operate like that... this is a very small subset of people. Generally only the exciting stuff is posted... i didnt post about the boring dates i went on, only the fun ones... so dont judge the rest of the world on just us... thats like juding the rest of the world on cwi and thats crap not everyone cheats
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Shooboomafoo said:


> Thanks Fenix.
> I haven't done a whole lot to show my attitude to anyone. As I mentioned, I don't get out a lot. I do what I can, but what I am running into is fking ridiculous, and that gets frustrating. Yeah, maybe it is my attitude, because I don't like the idea of fking around, or being someone's dude #3 of the week.


I'm not someones "dude #3" for this week. 

I even told one girl this week that I wont take it any further then where we were at because I am her no 2. 

It's nothing personal against her, it's just not what I am looking for. People understand it and most don't judge. I just keep moving on with those that do. 

You won't find out whether someone is looking for something serious or not unless you put yourself out there and let them (literally sometimes) feel you out.

Edit: Out of the 3 I have been out on dates with in 2 weeks. I still wish the Asian was around. I will probably go back into hiding for a bit and revamp for stint number 2 because it IS expensive.


----------



## unsure78

meetups are free a lot of times... its sounds to me like you just meet new people...not just date..

but I will share a tidbit of what my therapist told me, when i was bummed a few months ago that i would never find someone i had "it" with or that maybe im just destined to be alone with my dogs forever(which if i do thats ok too)...

she said, no you will find someone i guarantee it... I asked her why she thought that... her response was you dont give up you keep trying, you keep putting yourself out there even if you have a setback, thats why you will find someone...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Shooboomafoo said:


> But it was a lack of judgement that got me into this mess.
> 
> IC was like going to the auto repair shop. Keeping you coming back while the answers are dangled just out of sight... then I ran out of money, and the divorce happened anyways.
> I have become judgmental, considering, if it were I who was meeting someone, and they had an interest in casual sexual relationships, it would leave no room for me, and would be one more person I had to feel something for, and then shove it down and away to prevent hurt.
> I don't like hurting anymore. Im 42, and I have had my share. People think the divorce is the be all end all of it, but the consequences of a divorce are longstanding and effect things one would never think they would. Guess its best right now that I don't try dating or meeting women. I can see where not being with the times can be off putting...


Shoo, I have had plenty of relationships that were "accidents", they just found me, I was not out looking. Everyone says to put yourself out there, but putting yourself out there doesnt always work, and it sucks a lot of the time. After doing the online dating thing, and getting involved in something that I allowed to hurt me, I decided to take my hat OUT of the ring, and just live my life. Love found me before, I am hoping it does again, some day. Right now I am not ready, and am not willing to put myself out there any more.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Shooboomafoo said:


> Well, lets see,, I have my daughter every other week for the week, so that limits social interaction with singles... Ive seen the meetup groups in my area, and it just seems pathetic. 20 dudes and 3 women... Do I put myself out there? how so? Go to bars alone? Visit the museum ? I guess not. Low on funds, for a long time to do too much.
> 
> D2H, here is a star for your forehead.


Bahahahahaha! Shoo, it's all good. I've been extremely fortunate to be divorced at 35 years old and look like I'm 28. I have a WIDE range of dating opportunities and a wide range of friends. I'm just very lucky, and fully aware of it. BUT, it is fun to post. I have lots of stories. It's like being in my early 20s again. So thankful my ex decided to go ahead and pull the plug and not wait until early 40s.

I did coed kickball a few seasons and crossfit. It's been a 50/50 mix of guys/girls in those things.


----------



## Shooboomafoo

What I have done so far to "Put myself out there"...
.............. ummmmmmmm............

nothing. Grocery shop. Went to one party once, but there was no available women there,, that was depressing... Otherwise it is pretty much a solo-flight in anything I do.. my "friends" are all involved and I lost a lot of them when divorced... I have been invited to some places, but it is with the same people that were friends of the ex, and I know ALLLLL about them, and their histories, and the group that is there and their history as well.... never any "new" available women at any of those... 

I guess I can try the meetup thing again... try something different. I tried joining one, but they thought I was too old, then I tried joining one of my age group, and it looked like they were mostly retirees... .so I was like,, wtf? where do I belooong?????? lol.


----------



## unsure78

shoo getting out there is not just about meeting new women... 

meet people... use it as an opportunity to become better at small talk or whatever... so when you do go on a date, you are more comfortable being in a new situation or new people...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I lost almost all my friends through this divorce crap. I live in a town with a population of less than 10,000. I also don't do the fwb, casual thing. I understand the frustration you feel. 
Now having said that, I got much more active with my church. I teach classes, belong to a men's group, coach and play on the softball team, etc. Through this I have vastly increased my social circle. I have managed a few dates, most from online. The woman I am with now I met on e harmony.


----------



## vi_bride04

Shoo, I think you need to shift your focus from "meeting someone" to just enjoying life. 

Go out and be social b/c you want to enrich yourself. Pick up some new hobbies or revisit old ones you may have dropped along the way. Do it for YOU, not the idea you are doing it to meet someone. 

Taking the focus off of romance and putting it on yourself is the best way to eventually find someone worth two sh!ts.


----------



## bandit.45

Does EHarmony match you up pretty well? Do you and her have the same interests?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Does EHarmony match you up pretty well? Do you and her have the same interests?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is by far the best dating site I have been on. Having said that, it is expensive. I only paid for a 1 month membership. I talked to a lot of women in that month though.
As for the quality of the matches, I would say they were really good. I talked to some women that matched me more than I could have imagined, but the attraction wasn't there. With the lady I am dating, we have different back grounds, but our morals and values are an almost perfect match and that is very important to me.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I guess I'm finally making progress towards finalizing the divorce. My ex finally responded to my settlement proposal. She wants 55% of all assets, a list of items, 3 years of alimony and a few other odds and ends. She is still claiming some items are worth way more than they are even though I have had them appraised. She is also claiming that she is not responsible for any payments I have made for the last 2 and a half years. SO I made all the payments after separation and she wants all the value from the machinery and real estate. She is really shooting for the moon. There is no way I would ever agree to this. Then my damn lawyer goes and delays the masters hearing since they are now willing to negotiate. This crap sucks!!!


Ohhh man that was the worst...I will tell you that once it is finally done and her name is not attached to anything of yours you will sleep so much better. It is so worth the hassle!



muskrat said:


> Would someone please just tell me this is all just a bad nightmare?
> 
> *How does she get to have an affair with my best friend, abandon our family and I am the one forced to pay the price?*


I did not know  sorry to hear that!


----------



## Another Planet

Dedicated2Her said:


> Be fair in divorce? LOL. To a woman who broke your family up. Heck, you are being fair by allowing her to see your children!


Yeas F being fair 
I remember this one divorce article I was reading awhile back that said that divorce is so hard because the person you once loved and let in to your most personal life is now your enemy and you have never known them to be your enemy so you really have no idea how to treat them or how they will react.


----------



## Another Planet

Shooboomafoo said:


> But it was a lack of judgement that got me into this mess.
> 
> IC was like going to the auto repair shop. Keeping you coming back while the answers are dangled just out of sight... then I ran out of money, and the divorce happened anyways.
> I have become judgmental, considering, if it were I who was meeting someone, and they had an interest in casual sexual relationships, it would leave no room for me, and would be one more person I had to feel something for, and then shove it down and away to prevent hurt.
> I don't like hurting anymore. Im 42, and I have had my share. People think the divorce is the be all end all of it, but the consequences of a divorce are longstanding and effect things one would never think they would. Guess its best right now that I don't try dating or meeting women. I can see where not being with the times can be off putting...


Hey Shoo I want you to try something. It might sound difficult and it does take some time but how about you start thinking about how you don't need a woman to make you happy and you start finding out what REALLY makes YOU a happy Shoo!


----------



## Fenix

Dedicated2Her said:


> Bahahahahaha! Shoo, it's all good. I've been extremely fortunate to be divorced at 35 years old and look like I'm 28. I have a WIDE range of dating opportunities and a wide range of friends. I'm just very lucky, and fully aware of it. BUT, it is fun to post. I have lots of stories. It's like being in my early 20s again. So thankful my ex decided to go ahead and pull the plug and not wait until early 40s.
> 
> I did coed kickball a few seasons and crossfit. It's been a 50/50 mix of guys/girls in those things.



You are too funny. You know what? Even if she had waited until her 40s and beyond, you'd still be having a good time. Sometimes, it like being a teenager all over again! :rofl: Esp. when neither of us have a house available...


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> You are too funny. You know what? Even if she had waited until her 40s and beyond, you'd still be having a good time. Sometimes, it like being a teenager all over again! :rofl: Esp. when neither of us have a house available...


Where do you sleep?


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Where do you sleep?


Who's sleeping?

Well, we both have 100% custody (in his case, he has one night child free every two weeks...) Makes it all a bit difficult! So, yes, the house is available but not for everything. Plus, too early to introduce the kids. Lives are kept separate.


----------



## Another Planet

This is a funny story...yesterday I ran in to the old branch manager at my bank in the produce section at the local market. She yelled my name across the store to get my attention lol...I haven't seen her in probably 2 yrs. We were pretty good friends and I also did some work here and there for her and her husband. So she of course asked how the wife and kids are :/..... so I told her the briefing of the story... she was like why the fvck did she do that?!?! ROFL  she is awesome I hope I can keep in touch with them.

Anyway she had mentioned if I remember another girl that worked around the same time as her that use to flirt with me and how they still talk  ...she flirted in the dorkiest ways probably the funniest most obvious "I want to have your babies" moments in the last 5yrs happened with this girl, she use to stumble over the dumbest things it was cute...and even though I was married at the time I still felt a connection and the spark and still remember it.

SOOOO guess who I get an email from today asking how I am doing........

I am not single now but I have to be honest this is testing me like I was when I was married :/


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Shooboomafoo said:


> I guess I haven't really tried. The more I read here, and get a feel of how people/singles think, the more I feel like I am destined to be alone. Everyone is everyone else's FWB?? Those of us who would like to meet someone nice, get to read this sht on a daily basis, and try not to compare their lives. I guess I ought to try to glean some sense of "how" others are doing it, but no one goes into that kind of detail of where they met, what circumstances, etc.
> 
> Talking about attitude? Look at what there is to look forward to... I get to feel special about someone that's been out banging everything that moves? Lucky me. I'll have that with a side of herpes please!!
> 
> It is just going extremely slow in that area. The days go by, the weeks turn to months, and it gets to looking bleak.


if you don't feel like playing the stupid game that is perfectly alright. don't waste effort doing something unfulfilling. save your effort for sh!t you want to do!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Shoo, I am too picky for FWB. I always have many offer for 'maintenance' but I explain to these kind men friends that my sex drive doesn't work that way. I would rather have (1) fantasy of real thing or (2) real thing. My plan is if I do not find anyone by age 60 (10 years away) then I will screw anything that looks remotely attractive and can behave through dinner or has an espresso machine, but will only indulge in this behavior until I'm 70, and then call it good.

Right now I've lucked out and have some kind of weird autoimmune disease/leukemia/screwy thyroid and anemia thrown in (not related to diet) so only feel like sleeping, not sleeping with anyone, and working, but not working on a relationship, just for cash.


----------



## whitehawk

Shooboomafoo said:


> I guess I haven't really tried. The more I read here, and get a feel of how people/singles think, the more I feel like I am destined to be alone. Everyone is everyone else's FWB?? Those of us who would like to meet someone nice, get to read this sht on a daily basis, and try not to compare their lives. I guess I ought to try to glean some sense of "how" others are doing it, but no one goes into that kind of detail of where they met, what circumstances, etc.
> 
> Talking about attitude? Look at what there is to look forward to... I get to feel special about someone that's been out banging everything that moves? Lucky me. I'll have that with a side of herpes please!!
> 
> It is just going extremely slow in that area. The days go by, the weeks turn to months, and it gets to looking bleak.



l know how your feeling shoo . It's all enough to make me turn monk tbh.:scratchhead: ls monk o or u , hmmm !
Anyway , personally l'm having trouble figuring out if it's even worth trying myself.
l mean everyone says get yourself out there , lots of people here getting themselves out there. l've been meeting heaps since l decided to .
l dunno which is worse though. to get out there or to hell with it.
l use to just meet someone back in my earlier single days. until then l just do whatever l fkg do you know , live my life. Partied a lot to when there was stuff on offer.
When l think about it , l did always have my eye out though. More a just waiting until the right girl popped up though.
But this time , well just lately , after 15mths,l've been meeting heaps through my date site and some out in the real world to .
But it's just bs even bothering to mess about in lots of ways l'm thinking. Maybe my old ways were much better.
Messing with dead ends just seems like a waste of fkg time and energy and just burns up your mojo for nothing , on bs.
Although it's a catch 22 , because l have really enjoyed the talking and company side of meeting , met some really nice girls.
But it's the same old every time , none l'd wanna make anything out of or jump bones . Which on date sites you often don't find that out for awhiie. Yeah you can rush out for coffee or a date earlier but that's a got it's pitfalls to. l have a few times , wastes of times .
There's only 2 l've wanted but one was too young for serious and the other one didn't wanna get serious. But both l met out in the real world. So nice to just see someone , feel them , the natural way. At least you know from that second now l'd really like to meet her , now she , she is my thing . 

l hate having to do the deed with them to when l figure out they aren't for me . 
But at the same time , l'm not too fussed , not like l've been out there frantic. l'm just cruising round on my date site really and when l see someone l like l meet them and get to know them a bit.
Met some really nice girls but nothing serious.
lt is disheartening though.


----------



## whitehawk

Shooboomafoo said:


> Thanks Fenix.
> I haven't done a whole lot to show my attitude to anyone. As I mentioned, I don't get out a lot. I do what I can, but what I am running into is fking ridiculous, and that gets frustrating. Yeah, maybe it is my attitude, because I don't like the idea of fking around, or being someone's dude #3 of the week.


Me either . And l'm not interested in some stupid [email protected] that would live like that either . l like special , someone with a bit self respect and instinct you know, depth .
Tough enough and smart enough to know she doesn't need to do all that crap.


----------



## RandomDude

So happy today 

I think my FWB and I have found the fine line between forfilling each other's desires without things getting complicated (for now!)
And it's with someone I enjoy ramming too! WOOHOO! 

So happy hehe... closed a deal worth 50k in rev over this month, a great FWB, awesome daughter (who doesn't follow after daddy that much no more  but still!), and I feel so content! But something bad is about to happen I just know it! >.<

I think I've lost the desire to even have lovey doveys too! Isn't it great?


----------



## Jellybeans

Glad to hear you are having a good day, RD. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

That's funny , good for you RD.

But hey a 50k rev deal pm , now that really sparks my interest.
Bit disheartened my end. Couple of quick stupid deals l had to do just to get the jobs out the door so that l can finish cleaning up the property to move out , and have extra money to do it until the house money comes through,worst cheapest scape customers l've ever dealt with. l actually lost on one job , first time ever.
My job gives me time and freedom and sometimes ok money but really , when l read numbers like that , ouch.

ps , sorry about the gripe but hey , l've earnt it haha.


----------



## Vanton68

RandomDude said:


> So happy today
> 
> I think my FWB and I have found the fine line between forfilling each other's desires without things getting complicated (for now!)
> And it's with someone I enjoy ramming too! WOOHOO!
> 
> So happy hehe... closed a deal worth 50k in rev over this month, a great FWB, awesome daughter (who doesn't follow after daddy that much no more  but still!), and I feel so content! But something bad is about to happen I just know it! >.<
> 
> I think I've lost the desire to even have lovey doveys too! Isn't it great?


Jealous


----------



## hope4family

I feel yeah RD. But hey, enjoy the highs so you can enjoy the lows all the more IMO.


----------



## Nsweet

I hope I'm not getting sick. I think I am. I know because I'm starting to lose my normal voice and sound like a movie badass, or an R&B singer talking all slow into the mic about what he would do to a woman.


----------



## vi_bride04

Truth


----------



## hope4family

Nsweet said:


> I hope I'm not getting sick. I think I am. I know because I'm starting to lose my normal voice and sound like a movie badass, or an R&B singer talking all slow into the mic about what he would do to a woman.


Time to go running with some of those ladies. :smthumbup:

Get well.


----------



## Nsweet

hope4family said:


> Time to go running with some of those ladies. :smthumbup:
> 
> Get well.


Yeah, I have to again tomorrow. 

Only like 2 of them are really attractive. But they're so short! They're OMFG hot little MILFs and like not even 5' tall. 

On Friday though, I have a big run on this trail that will have everybody. So you know I'm going to have fun. 


Oh, BTW. You guys will never guess what I found today. I was playing with a magic marker when I dropped it and it rolled under this filing cabinet. I pulled it out and low and behold..... I found a pillow pack of sex jelly.:rofl: It's a sign!:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

Shooboomafoo said:


> I have become judgmental, considering, if it were I who was meeting someone, and they had an interest in casual sexual relationships, it would leave no room for me, and would be one more person I had to feel something for, and then shove it down and away to prevent hurt.
> 
> I don't like hurting anymore. Im 42, and I have had my share. People think the divorce is the be all end all of it, but the consequences of a divorce are longstanding and effect things one would never think they would. Guess its best right now that I don't try dating or meeting women. I can see where not being with the times can be off putting...



There is nothing wrong with judging whether or not a situation is good for you. If you know that you don't want casual sex and that you do want a relationship, then it would make sense to avoid people who want the former. It does, indeed, hurt to fall for someone who can't give you what you want while offering you something hollow that's very similar. 

I don't think that what you're looking for is impossible to find. Are you looking for a wacky combination of traits in a person? Are you looking for proof of the possibility of romance while keeping yourself closed off from the possibility of it? Are you just going to the wrong kinds of events and meet ups? There is nothing wrong with taking a break until you're interested in getting back out there again.

I agree with you that the effects of divorce are long lasting, sometimes. 

Hang in there.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> Good for you.
> 
> I however want to screw my x badly. Very badly. And you know what? He deserves it.


Oh my ex deserves the worst as well, I am leaving it to God. I know one day, I will have to proccess all the new information of the terrible acts he did while we were married but I cannot bring myself to do it yet becasue I get terribly upset.

I get so sad too, because of all the love I devoted to him since we got married. I have never loved, nor will I love, anyone as much as I loved him. He basically defecated all over my love and it is painful to know it.

I was never good enough for him. NEVER, and the bastard still said "I blindsided him"

haha
I am abit emotional becasue my period will be next week!


----------



## moxy

Shooboomafoo said:


> I am actually an outgoing individual. I sang in a metal band for 13 years in and around Houston, and met a looooot of people. I have no problem standing up in front of people, or talking to women.. I just do not know where the available ones are in this city... it seems so easy for others, yet I am not the only person who feels this way about this area... mighty slim pickings...
> 
> 
> 
> May have to do like 3Xs is... not worry about it and let it happen if it is to happen..
> 
> 
> 
> I used to bowl. lol.. bowling league.. OHNOOO.....



Houston is confusing and complicated, especially for single people. From what I gather, dive bars are pretty popular. I keep meeting weird aggro men in this city, but that's probably because online dating is a strange thing. I say this just to show some support and to say that it's not just you, but the dating scene that is awkward, too. Maybe you can join a club of some kind? What are you interested in?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Houston is confusing and complicated, especially for single people. From what I gather, dive bars are pretty popular. I keep meeting weird aggro men in this city, but that's probably because online dating is a strange thing. I say this just to show some support and to say that it's not just you, but the dating scene that is awkward, too. Maybe you can join a club of some kind? What are you interested in?


I am pretty happy being single. Yes, I still talk to Army guy, even though he is doing a training exercise he makes time to text me.
Irish still texts me once in a while, even blue eyes keeps texting me.

I will be done with my training exercise on Saturday! yay!!! I am so effing tired!!
I think I am getting sick as well, Nsweet. I feel like crap.

I have found out that I love to work! It keeps my mind busy. I am happy when I am working. I am in no hurry to get in a relationship. 
The reason why I am in no hurry is becasue I KNOW I could have one if I wanted it. 
I no longer need nor want attention from men, 
oh and believe me
whoever gets me will be one lucky motherfvcker.


----------



## ne9907

ne9907 said:


> I am pretty happy being single. Yes, I still talk to Army guy, even though he is doing a training exercise he makes time to text me.
> Irish still texts me once in a while, even blue eyes keeps texting me.
> 
> I will be done with my training exercise on Saturday! yay!!! I am so effing tired!!
> I think I am getting sick as well, Nsweet. I feel like crap.
> 
> I have found out that I love to work! It keeps my mind busy. I am happy when I am working. I am in no hurry to get in a relationship.
> The reason why I am in no hurry is becasue I KNOW I could have one if I wanted it.
> I no longer need nor want attention from men,
> oh and believe me
> whoever gets me will be one lucky motherfvcker.


ugh...
I sound so vain. Perhaps it is yet another side effect of divorce.


----------



## RandomDude

Thanks guys 

But I'm sure tomorrow will suck one way or another lol
Just how it is, someone is bound to wanna wipe the smile off my face eventually!


----------



## poppyseed

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> My plan is if I do not find anyone by age 60 (10 years away) then I will screw anything that looks remotely attractive and can behave through dinner or has an espresso machine, but will only indulge in this behavior until I'm 70, and then call it good.
> 
> Right now I've lucked out and have some kind of weird autoimmune disease/leukemia/screwy thyroid and anemia thrown in (not related to diet) so only feel like sleeping, not sleeping with anyone, and working, but not working on a relationship, just for cash.


Hi HNO

I do often wonder how people actually manage a full-time employment and nurturing a monogamous relationship along with hobbies and other social activities all at once. Or people on this forum are extra super high achievers in all of these departments after overcoming D?

Sorry to hear about your leukemia (?) - hope you aren't feeling too ill. 

Best,


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> ugh...
> I sound so vain. Perhaps it is yet another side effect of divorce.


Doesn't sound vain to me. Sounds healthy.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

poppyseed said:


> Hi HNO
> 
> I do often wonder how people actually manage a full-time employment and nurturing a monogamous relationship along with hobbies and other social activities all at once. Or people on this forum are extra super high achievers in all of these departments after overcoming D?
> 
> Sorry to hear about your leukemia (?) - hope you aren't feeling too ill.
> 
> Best,


I am tired. And woke today to off-cycle bleeding which given that I'm not anemic and am never off cycle and tests show nowhere near menopause and had a really painful first day of period two months ago (which prompted all the blood tests) it's not looking good. I'm not sure if I'd rather have ovarian cancer (which my aunt died from when she was about my age) or leukemia. I'm too tired to care. Had a heap of blood work drawn yesterday, picked up an RX for Levothyroxine which I started today (although could not be thyroid and thyroid could just be 'tired' from keeping up with demands on immune system, which is not keeping up at all...nor is red blood cell production) and have an ultrasound next Monday. Am going to push for transvaginal. I work in patient safety so am not too worried about getting the best care the system can offer. I tend to have good luck with my work/life needs...when son needed spinal surgery was working right on same block for Harvard where Boston Children's was. 

Anyhow, I think how people manage everything is that they pair up with someone who has same time management needs/demands, and also have energy (i.e. good-excellent health) and don't overthink it. They know what they want and worry about the details later...I think I said here you have to be a *little* bit delusional to start a relationship. Overthinking is the opposite of delusional. Should only think hard when brainstorming...like how to gain some time in the week from normal schedule to find time for other things.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Anyhow, I think how people manage everything is that they pair up with someone who has same time management needs/demands, and also have energy (i.e. good-excellent health) and don't overthink it. They know what they want and worry about the details later...I think I said here you have to be a *little* bit delusional to start a relationship. Overthinking is the opposite of delusional. Should only think hard when brainstorming...like how to gain some time in the week from normal schedule to find time for other things.


Truth here. I couldn't be doing what I am doing now 4 years ago. I wasn't the person I am. But, through eating right, exercising, limiting work to 40-45 hours, finding my "passion" in the things I do, I have found a way to balance all the things poppyseed is talking about. Does that make me a "high achiever"? I don't know. BUT, it sure as hell has inspired many people in my life to be everything they set out to be.


----------



## vi_bride04

So fellow peeps, what do you consider "passion" and I don't mean in the romantic sense


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I am tired. And woke today to off-cycle bleeding which given that I'm not anemic and am never off cycle and tests show nowhere near menopause and had a really painful first day of period two months ago (which prompted all the blood tests) it's not looking good. I'm not sure if I'd rather have ovarian cancer (which my aunt died from when she was about my age) or leukemia. I'm too tired to care. Had a heap of blood work drawn yesterday, picked up an RX for Levothyroxine which I started today (although could not be thyroid and thyroid could just be 'tired' from keeping up with demands on immune system, which is not keeping up at all...nor is red blood cell production) and have an ultrasound next Monday. Am going to push for transvaginal. I work in patient safety so am not too worried about getting the best care the system can offer. I tend to have good luck with my work/life needs...when son needed spinal surgery was working right on same block for Harvard where Boston Children's was.
> 
> Anyhow, I think how people manage everything is that they pair up with someone who has same time management needs/demands, and also have energy (i.e. good-excellent health) and don't overthink it. They know what they want and worry about the details later...I think I said here you have to be a *little* bit delusional to start a relationship. Overthinking is the opposite of delusional. Should only think hard when brainstorming...like how to gain some time in the week from normal schedule to find time for other things.


ouch HMU
My thoughts are with you....


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> So fellow peeps, what do you consider "passion" and I don't mean in the romantic sense


Drive, ambition, a love for something, hot kisses and sex.

WOOHOO :smthumbup:

Well wishes for you, Homemaker.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> So fellow peeps, what do you consider "passion" and I don't mean in the romantic sense


One of my passions is hiking
I hate getting up early in the morning but If I am going on a hike I dont care. I will also drive hours and hours to find the perfect spot to hike and be alone with myself.
Another passion of mine is the universe.
Often times, I will sit by my laptop and read everything I can find on this subject for hours to no end.
I will also get up in the middle of the night just to look at the stars.

When you find a passion, anything you do is to advance it, nothing will get in the way, mundane things do not matter becasue your passion drives you to be energetic and forget about the trivial things in life.


----------



## whitehawk

l think just something in your life that your passionate about . Even just one special thing is nice .
l have a few , music is one of the biggest, art, nature and doing stuff that puts me amongst nature .


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> So fellow peeps, what do you consider "passion" a*nd I don't mean in the romantic sense*


Oops. Sometimes I read these things so fast. Ok my answer is the same minute the kisses and hot SeeeeX.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> This is a funny story...yesterday I ran in to the old branch manager at my bank in the produce section at the local market. She yelled my name across the store to get my attention lol...I haven't seen her in probably 2 yrs. We were pretty good friends and I also did some work here and there for her and her husband. So she of course asked how the wife and kids are :/..... so I told her the briefing of the story... she was like why the fvck did she do that?!?! ROFL  she is awesome I hope I can keep in touch with them.
> 
> Anyway she had mentioned if I remember another girl that worked around the same time as her that use to flirt with me and how they still talk  ...she flirted in the dorkiest ways probably the funniest most obvious "I want to have your babies" moments in the last 5yrs happened with this girl, she use to stumble over the dumbest things it was cute...and even though I was married at the time I still felt a connection and the spark and still remember it.
> 
> SOOOO guess who I get an email from today asking how I am doing........
> 
> I am not single now but I have to be honest this is testing me like I was when I was married :/



So they're still talking :rofl:
Funny , l knew someone like that , one of my d's friends mums. We always had this thing but l was married so. She was the first person l thought of when l came out of all this . 
l saw her quickly once later when l was dropping of my d. But l didn't get a good look at her and strangely enough though to little bits of info started getting back to me about her while l was thinking about asking her out.

And umm , the info getting back to me wasn't exactly flattering to her. So one night l looked her up on face book and holy hell.
She'd put on a ton of weight , looked like [email protected] and all over it she's talking - to the whole world about getting drunk all the time , screwing all these guys , needing to get laid .

So much for that one , can't believe l nearly asked her out . Bit of a face book wake up call there too seems l knew nothing about it before that. People are crazy what they put out there.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> So fellow peeps, what do you consider "passion" and I don't mean in the romantic sense


I would consider passion to be those things in your everyday that bring you energy instead of drain it. For me, I love helping people or educating people on health and fitness. It's a constant point of conversation with my employees and clients. Most of my clients have been with me for years, and they have seen the transformation in my body, my attitude, and persona. It gives me a feeling of excitement when I talk about it. That is passion.


----------



## jpr

vi_bride04 said:


> So fellow peeps, what do you consider "passion" and I don't mean in the romantic sense


For me?....my son, helping my friends/family, dog rescue, ...and math! 

I think when you have passion for something, you make time for it in your life. I can tell when someone is truly passionate about something, because when they talk about their passion, you can FEEL it. They are not only able to educate you on what they are passionate about, but you can FEEL the passion radiating from them.

I know, for me, I my mood lifts when I am asked about my son, my friends, my family, my dog, etc. I can feel myself light up, and I have this weird desire to make other people feel the same way I feel about these things.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> ouch HMU
> My thoughts are with you....


Thanks.

I am just putting my energy into homemaking for my kids and working. Have to wait for test results. But we have MyHealthEVet app where I can check them online. Which is a good thing because if I waited for my primary care provider to notice them and then do something about it...

I have to pry my eyes open in the morning. But once I get going I'm okay, just get waves of fatigue. 

Tonight's dinner is hot dogs, carrot sticks, cucumbers, Utz chips and watermelon. Easy going.


----------



## vi_bride04

Thank you very much for your answers. I have a friend struggling with the whole idea of what passion is. 

I really feel it is anything that brings yourself inner joy. Like what D2H says, it brings you energy instead of draining it. Anything that recharges you. And it doesn't have to be some big huge extravagant expensive thing.

Hiking/walking with my dog, dancing, landscape photography, travel are my passions. 

I love socializing as well, it does recharge me quite a bit but I am trying to focus on things that fullfill me by myself without needing a partner in crime.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Passion for me is just life. Waking up and starting from there. No need for drastic changes. Just pursuing interests and transforming raw ingredients into life, including contributions to society. Everything starts on a minute scale, the sum is more than the total, it includes all the interactions between the minute details of lives. So something doesn't need to be big or dramatic to be deserving of passion. It can be a little thing...or many little things.

I really like riding horses, but don't see the need to own any.
Once in a while I will set aside some time for a good trail ride.
You can easily squash a passion by giving it way too much attention and becoming disenchanted due to all the realistic details. 

People are different. If you're passionate about someone, of course you are into the daily details.


----------



## FeministInPink

Dedicated2Her said:


> Truth here. I couldn't be doing what I am doing now 4 years ago. I wasn't the person I am. But, through eating right, exercising, limiting work to 40-45 hours, finding my "passion" in the things I do, I have found a way to balance all the things poppyseed is talking about. Does that make me a "high achiever"? I don't know. BUT, it sure as hell has inspired many people in my life to be everything they set out to be.


This is what I need to work towards, this balance, and finding my passion(s) again.

IN related news, I'm really excited, because yesterday this and this arrived. I haven't played much classical in a long time, and I'm looking forward to brushing up my skills.


----------



## vi_bride04

...speaking of passion, my wide angle lens I just purchased should arrive on Friday!!!!! wooot woooot!!!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Shooboomafoo said:


> What I have done so far to "Put myself out there"...
> .............. ummmmmmmm............
> 
> nothing. Grocery shop. Went to one party once, but there was no available women there,, that was depressing... Otherwise it is pretty much a solo-flight in anything I do.. my "friends" are all involved and I lost a lot of them when divorced... I have been invited to some places, but it is with the same people that were friends of the ex, and I know ALLLLL about them, and their histories, and the group that is there and their history as well.... never any "new" available women at any of those...
> 
> I guess I can try the meetup thing again... try something different. I tried joining one, but they thought I was too old, then I tried joining one of my age group, and it looked like they were mostly retirees... .so I was like,, wtf? where do I belooong?????? lol.


I think this has already been said, in some form or another, but it bears repeating. Focus on you and becoming a better you, and loving yourself. You need to learn to be happy alone, and to derive your happiness from within, rather than looking for an external source (a woman) to make you happy.

Once you get to that point, dating will be easier. Women are drawn to content, confident men. Right now, your posts are screaming desperation. Don't get me wrong, we all want love. It's a basic human need/desire. But we all need to learn how to meet that need internally, which isn't the easiest thing to do.

Try out meetups that are based on interests, not singles meetups, that have a wide variety of members. You won't necessarily meet a lot of single people, but you'll meet people who have the same interests as you, and hopefully make friends. Expand your social circle, and expand your depth of experience, and your world view. All of this will help. New friends, who know you simply as YOU, not YOU in the context of your relationship/divorce are a wonderful thing, and they can do wonders for your self-esteem and confidence.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

vi_bride04 said:


> ...speaking of passion, my wide angle lens I just purchased should arrive on Friday!!!!! wooot woooot!!!!!


My new olympic lifting shoes came in on monday.......It's like Christmas! Front squats, cleans, snatch, and overhead squats.....yay!


----------



## ne9907

My new blown up doll came in today! YAY!!!

Just kidding... I don't have one of those.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> My new blown up doll came in today! YAY!!!
> 
> Just kidding... I don't have one of those.


Sweetheart, you are a blow up doll.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> ...speaking of passion, my wide angle lens I just purchased should arrive on Friday!!!!! wooot woooot!!!!!





Dedicated2Her said:


> My new olympic lifting shoes came in on monday.......It's like Christmas! Front squats, cleans, snatch, and overhead squats.....yay!


I have hobby stuffs coming in the mail soon, too, yay! Doesnt take much to make us happy, does it!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I have hobby stuffs coming in the mail soon, too, yay! Doesnt take much to make us happy, does it!


If you knew how much my lens was, it does take much LOL

Photography is such a fricken expensive hobby. But I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get the wide angle - I have been wanting one since I bought the camera in 2011. 

Decided it was time to treat myself a little bit


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I still have my unconstructed Icelandic sweater to work on this summer. 

But work is my hobby these days. I sit around and putter on the computer most of the day and take breaks for housework and baking/cooking.


----------



## ne9907

YAY!!! I get out of the field tomorrow but dont endex until saturday yet it is all good~

btw, i am going out to dinner with blue eyes tomorrow


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> I think this has already been said, in some form or another, but it bears repeating. Focus on you and becoming a better you, and loving yourself. You need to learn to be happy alone, and to derive your happiness from within, rather than looking for an external source (a woman) to make you happy.
> 
> Once you get to that point, dating will be easier. Women are drawn to content, confident men. Right now, your posts are screaming desperation. Don't get me wrong, we all want love. It's a basic human need/desire. But we all need to learn how to meet that need internally, which isn't the easiest thing to do.
> 
> Try out meetups that are based on interests, not singles meetups, that have a wide variety of members. *You won't necessarily meet a lot of single people, but you'll meet people who have the same interests as you, and hopefully make friends. Expand your social circle, and expand your depth of experience, and your world view. * All of this will help. New friends, who know you simply as YOU, not YOU in the context of your relationship/divorce are a wonderful thing, and they can do wonders for your self-esteem and confidence.


:iagree:

Esp with the bolded part. I call it working the chain. You never know when those people you meet will introduce you to someone with whom you click. Work on yourself first and the rest will follow. There are was to cultivate positive emotions. Distraction, redirection, etc when you are in the grip of negativity. You need 3 positive emotions for every negative one to see an impact though.


----------



## Jellybeans

I just want to say, Divorce is the new black. 

I was reading some newbies' threads in the Life After Divorce forum section here and they were so worried about divorce and how they feel and etc (normal), but it occurred to me, divorce is the new black!

This weekend, I saw an old family friend who is getting divorced. She was so upset telling me the story and how her husband told her he didn't want to be married anymore, etc. She said she was going through so much with the divorce and I told her-you aren't the first and you won't be the last to divorce. It's a pretty common occurrence. In fact, nowadays it's more strange when people stay together. That made her laugh.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> I just want to say, Divorce is the new black.


I don't necessarily think it's a good thing that people are abandoning life long commitments and at times leaving spouses and children high and dry. 

The trend is growing, to me it's anything but good and perhaps a symptom of the times we live in. I want to say the next generation will hopefully dig deep and do better. Our society path leads me to doubt this. 

I hope the best for your friend and that she eventually finds someone who wont check out on her.


----------



## Jellybeans

It only takes one person. Most divorces are not mutual.


----------



## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> It only takes one person. Most divorces are not mutual.


I don't disagree.


----------



## RandomDude

Prevention better than cure!

As the saying goes...


----------



## Jellybeans

Amen!

If you don't want to get a divorce, don't get married!


----------



## moxy

I don't celebrate the idea of divorce. It's usually the result of at least one person behaving without integrity or honesty. I do value commitment a great deal. 

I am not so sure how I feel about marriage anymore; it never seemed like an ideal to me before mine failed, just like a thing that people could responsibly manage if they chose it. Nowadays, I think that marriage is a bigger commitment than many people expect, that too many people think it's a license to let go of all decency because one is now safely attached, that there is too little depth in that commitment and too much obsession with selfish gratification or control or too little interest in love or support. It's a wonder to me that people can pull it off. 

As a culture, we have become less inclined to foster integrity, depth of value, and honorable conduct; for that reason, it doesn't surprise me that there is so much divorce. Divorce doesn't cause this turmoil, but happens to coincide with it. People are sometimes wretched to each other. 

At the same time, I'm grateful that it's less stigmatized than it used to be; some of us took our vows seriously and tried to make it work and there's nothing wrong with walking away from wreckage that's is masking itself as avant garde sculpture. 

There's a part of me that wishes the romance of it all was real, that I could believe in it again, but I doubt it. I value commitment just as much as before, but I trust less people to be capable of it now.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I don't celebrate the idea of divorce. It's usually the result of at least one person behaving without integrity or honesty. I do value commitment a great deal.
> 
> I am not so sure how I feel about marriage anymore; it never seemed like an ideal to me before mine failed, just like a thing that people could responsibly manage if they chose it. Nowadays, I think that marriage is a bigger commitment than many people expect, that too many people think it's a license to let go of all decency because one is now safely attached, that there is too little depth in that commitment and too much obsession with selfish gratification or control or too little interest in love or support. It's a wonder to me that people can pull it off.
> 
> As a culture, we have become less inclined to foster integrity, depth of value, and honorable conduct; for that reason, it doesn't surprise me that there is so much divorce. Divorce doesn't cause this turmoil, but happens to coincide with it. People are sometimes wretched to each other.
> 
> At the same time, I'm grateful that it's less stigmatized than it used to be; *some of us took our vows seriously and tried to make it work and there's nothing wrong with walking away from wreckage that's is masking itself as avant garde sculpture*.
> 
> *There's a part of me that wishes the romance of it all was real, that I could believe in it again, but I doubt it. I value commitment just as much as before, but I trust less people to be capable of it now*.


I took my vows very seriously, I tried and tried to make it work. I sacrificed so much of myself to the point where it was incredibly self destructive and hard to recover from...HUGE mistake in hindsight but now I know better.

I was shaking and sick to my stomach as I was in the Court filing the paperwork. Crushed I was betraying the one person I took vows never to betray  little did I know she was treating me badly because she was taking her best friends husbands penis and shoving it inside of her over and over and over and over. 

Now well over a year after me filing and almost 7 months out of legal marriage I just have to kind of laugh at how foolish and naive I was. People never cease to disappoint me in their ability to selfishly hurt the ones that love them most. Sometimes I just want to separate myself from the rest of civilization because it is such a train wreck. 

Do I regret divorce? Absolutely not. Do I regret marriage? No...with out that whole experience I wouldn't be the person I am today. I am perfectly content in this moment and I have learned so much on my journey.

Have I lost the capacity to truly love and put my trust into someone fully, unfortunately I think I might have. Do I care? No not really, it is kind of sad but it is what it is cause there are just to many scars.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Do I regret divorce? Absolutely not. Do I regret marriage? No...with out that whole experience I wouldn't be the person I am today.


:iagree:


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> I took my vows very seriously, I tried and tried to make it work. I sacrificed so much of myself to the point where it was incredibly self destructive and hard to recover from...HUGE mistake in hindsight but now I know better.


yes, this is exactly how I feel. I tried too hard to make it work, knowing what I know now.



> I was shaking and sick to my stomach as I was in the Court filing the paperwork. Crushed I was betraying the one person I took vows never to betray  little did I know she was treating me badly because she was taking her best friends husbands penis and shoving it inside of her over and over and over and over.


 I am not crushed. I was crushed when I discovered just how much of a betrayer my X was/is. I still don't have the full story. However, due to that, I have no regret/remorse/shame etc about filing. I would have all of those things* if I didn't*.



> Do I regret divorce? Absolutely not. Do I regret marriage? No...with out that whole experience I wouldn't be the person I am today. I am perfectly content in this moment and I have learned so much on my journey.
> 
> Have I lost the capacity to truly love and put my trust into someone fully, unfortunately I think I might have. Do I care? No not really, it is kind of sad but it is what it is cause there are just to many scars.


I do not regret my divorce. I do regret my marriage and wasting so much time on someone so unworthy. The only good thing from the wreckage are my children. They basically change the equation for me. I cannot regret them. I don't think I have lost the ability to trust and truly love, but I guess only time will tell. I do have scars, but they are pretty elastic.


----------



## FeministInPink

More than anything, I regret the time I wasted trying to save a relationship with a person who, in the end, never really cared about me at all. But if it hadn't happened with him, it probably would have happened with someone else similar to him. And I had to go through all of this to learn that the way he treated me (and the way my mother treats people) isn't healthy, and that I also need to work on the way I relate to people.

So, in that way, I'm actually grateful. For me, it's been something of a phoenix experience.



Another Planet said:


> Do I regret divorce? Absolutely not. Do I regret marriage? No...with out that whole experience I wouldn't be the person I am today. I am perfectly content in this moment and I have learned so much on my journey.
> 
> *Have I lost the capacity to truly love and put my trust into someone fully, unfortunately I think I might have. Do I care? No not really, it is kind of sad but it is what it is cause there are just to many scars.*


AP, this statement makes me really sad, and I hope that this will change for you over time. 

I feel quite the opposite. I feel that, as I've been getting to know myself better, and am learning how to love myself better, my capacity to truly love and trust another person is increasing. But I'm also learning that I need to be more careful and selective of who I choose to love, and who I choose to trust--that seems to me to be the more important thing. Choosing to love again and choosing to trust again is a huge risk--there's no denying that--but anything worth having will always involve some sort of risk. And going through life without love, without trusting people, I would find that unbearable.


----------



## Another Planet

Dear single dudes: it's time to man up | The Matt Walsh Blog

When my GF and I started dating I think on about my 2-3 date with her I told her I was looking for a LTR and that I don't do ONS and that I am not looking for a friend in her but was looking for more.


----------



## Vanton68

FeministInPink said:


> More than anything, I regret the time I wasted trying to save a relationship with a person who, in the end, never really cared about me at all.


I second that


----------



## ne9907

Vanton68 said:


> I second that


Ditto!

Blue eyes cancelled dinner plans, he had to go out of town.
I have been sleeping since 3pm, just woke up! Field exercise drained me... so exhausted!

I hope to have a wonderful dream


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sure glad there is divorce in our country allowable.
Used to be if someone tricked another person into marriage there was no escape, particularly for a woman (things have improved) before the 70's and even worse for them much earlier on, at least when it came to property and finances and kids (if moms could divorce or were abandoned, a lot of time their kids had to be orphaned out to group homes.) In other countries they are automatically considered to be 'property' of the fathers.

Of course it was bad for men who were tricked, but there was only so much a woman could get out of them in the first place, not much incentive for tricking as there is now.

Men who are getting saddled with walk away wives, etc. In the old days you could just drive by the local 'loony bin' and have them committed. Or call to have them taken away. Now you also have options of divorce, but also much higher need to use it vs. other methods. 

Divorce is fine by me. I have been divorced three times, all within a year of getting married, the men were all tricksters, showed their true colors about 6 months in and that was that. Guy I had my two younger kids with followed more rules for himself and his abuse was mostly under the radar, enjoyed spying on me. Weird, just weird. Even after we had shared custody he would show up early to pick up the kids and then lurk outside, my older son noticed him and we let it go and made sure he was doing this consistently, then switched pickup only to day care or to local police station. He missed a pickup once his own fault and police told him I'd waited for over an hour for him to show and kids were visibly exhausted and needing dinner and diaper changes so visitation was cancelled because he no-showed and they were there watching the whole thing. Well, he drove by my house (on really out of the way street) and yep, I called the cops on him. Creepy!!!!! My attorney said best thing not to have married him. lol.

Probably never getting married again, easier to just walk or show someone the door if they weird out/creep out, turn out to be someone other than who they say they are. 

Have dated plenty of men not so clever as my ex's and outed them pretty fast. There are a lot of freaks out there. 

I'm not religious and not interested in comingling assets in any way that couldn't be done with an attorney. Even if cohabiting/partnered up I would still consult my attorney beforehand to make sure my interests were represented and could not be swilled.


----------



## Another Planet

Interesting HNU. Sounds like you are kind of like me. I'm not sure all that bliss from the ups and downs of co mingling everything is really worth it now. So much easier to just move on if it fails when you are already separate with everything legal wise. 
Plus whats up with the crazy stalking type stuff? Lurking outside for what? Catch a glimpse of something you don't want to know about? Geez I have never understood that...just the thought that I would want to check my girlfriends phone creeps me out and I want to break it off with her. I don't like those type of paranoid feelings and I would much rather be alone then have them, those feeling mean something is up and you shouldn't be in that situation.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Sure glad there is divorce in our country allowable.
> Used to be if someone tricked another person into marriage there was no escape, particularly for a woman (things have improved) before the 70's and even worse for them much earlier on, at least when it came to property and finances and kids (if moms could divorce or were abandoned, a lot of time their kids had to be orphaned out to group homes.) In other countries they are automatically considered to be 'property' of the fathers.


I am grateful for this every day.


----------



## poppyseed

Another Planet said:


> Plus whats up with the crazy stalking type stuff? Lurking outside for what? Catch a glimpse of something you don't want to know about? Geez I have never understood that...just the thought that I would want to check my girlfriends phone creeps me out and I want to break it off with her. I don't like those type of paranoid feelings and I would much rather be alone then have them, those feeling mean something is up and you shouldn't be in that situation.


Yup, I'm so so so with you on that. Never again. :iagree:


----------



## poppyseed

Another Planet said:


> Have I lost the capacity to truly love and put my trust into someone fully, unfortunately I think I might have. Do I care? No not really, it is kind of sad but it is what it is cause there are just to many scars.


I don't think anyone should trust into someone so much (I learned this hard lesson myself, too). It's a difficult one as trust has to be there in any LTR. Having said that our environment has dramatically changed. Cheating is often portrayed fashionable and even glamorous. Use to be there's so much stigma and shame attached to cheating, not anymore.


----------



## poppyseed

vi_bride04 said:


> Decided it was time to treat myself a little bit


WHY NOT (!) (sorry in caps) :smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> I feel quite the opposite. I feel that, as I've been getting to know myself better, and am learning how to love myself better, my capacity to truly love and trust another person is increasing. But I'm also learning that I need to be more careful and selective of who I choose to love, and who I choose to trust--that seems to me to be the more important thing. Choosing to love again and choosing to trust again is a huge risk--there's no denying that--but anything worth having will always involve some sort of risk. And going through life without love, without trusting people, I would find that unbearable.


Beautifully said.


----------



## Jellybeans

Did any of you guys watch True Detective (HBO). There was a part in one episode where Rust was talking about male/female relationships that really spoke to me. Essentially, he said it was just a crazy idea. It resonated with me.


----------



## muskrat

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have sex this weekend!!


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have sex this weekend!!


Fresh condoms.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Wrap it up, Musk. 

And ... yay!

:smthumbup:


----------



## Awakening2012

OK, this is a true story. Last night after work I went to a meet-up group that is doing coached outdoor CrossFit workouts near the Iwo Jima memorial (beautiful Marines memorial near my office, overlooking the Potomac river and DC). I pulled up to an empty parking space next to a 4x4 truck that had also just arrived. I'm getting my stuff together and glance from the driver's seat to notice a guy in a business suit (maybe mid-30s?) get out of the 4x4 next to my car. I get out and walk around to the trunk to secure my valuables. As I open the trunk I glance over and see this same man has met up with a woman from another car -- I see them standing on the other side of his car locked in a deep, passionate kiss and embrace. I avert my gaze back to my business, but when I close the trunk a minute later, and go to walk towards our meet-up spot, I see this couple still kissing. It has been a long time since I saw such serious PDA, and they seemed locked in time, not noticing another thing in the world but each other. Wow. It has been a long time since I had that kind of passion in my life. It made me so curious to imagine, what is their story? They must be newly in love, are they dating or having an affair or what, who knows? Good for them, I guess, it just made my imagination race. I remember so what it felt like to be "newly in love," but that's all it is for me now -- a distant memory. 

Relationships. Lovers. It usually starts out with the best of intentions. I hope I won't always feel so jaded, and I am glad to know such passion still exists in this world for the conjuring  

Best, - A12


----------



## bandit.45

Shooboomafoo said:


> If you run out of breath,, just fold it over and hump the bubble. lol.. sorry..


:rofl::rofl::smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

Shooboomafoo said:


> If you run out of breath,, just fold it over and hump the bubble. lol.. sorry..


Make sure you fortify yourself with casserole.


----------



## ne9907

Awakening2012 said:


> OK, this is a true story. Last night after work I went to a meet-up group that is doing coached outdoor CrossFit workouts near the Iwo Jima memorial (beautiful Marines memorial near my office, overlooking the Potomac river and DC). I pulled up to an empty parking space next to a 4x4 truck that had also just arrived. I'm getting my stuff together and glance from the driver's seat to notice a guy in a business suit (maybe mid-30s?) get out of the 4x4 next to my car. I get out and walk around to the trunk to secure my valuables. As I open the trunk I glance over and see this same man has met up with a woman from another car -- I see them standing on the other side of his car locked in a deep, passionate kiss and embrace. I avert my gaze back to my businessman, but when I close the trunk a minute later, and go to walk towards our meet-up spot, I see this couple still kissing. It has been a long time since I saw such serious PDA, and they seemed locked in time, not noticing another thing in the world but each other. Wow. It has been a long time since I had that kind of passion in my life. It made me so curious to imagine, what is their story? They must be newly in love, are they dating or having an affair or what, who knows? Good for them, I guess, it just made my imagination race. I remember so what it felt like to be "newly in love," but that's all it is for me now -- a distant memory.
> 
> Relationships. Lovers. It usually starts out with the best of intentions. I hope I won't always feel so jaded, and I am glad to know such passion still exists in this world for the conjuring
> 
> Best, - A12


This makes me smil


----------



## Garry2012

So...what to make of this:

Went on three dates with a woman. First date, hug...ok. Second date....I got a peck. Third date....hug. Yet she continues to text me...and I am prettty sure she would accept another date if I asked...but I have to say...I have serious concerns. I think she is attracted to me..but based on the evidence above....has shown zero signs. Thoughts?


----------



## Jellybeans

Go out again and go in for a kiss on the lips. She could be waiting for you to make a move.


----------



## Jellybeans

By the way, one of my neighbors is hot. And older.


----------



## Fenix

Garry2012 said:


> So...what to make of this:
> 
> Went on three dates with a woman. First date, hug...ok. Second date....I got a peck. Third date....hug. Yet she continues to text me...and I am prettty sure she would accept another date if I asked...but I have to say...I have serious concerns. I think she is attracted to me..but based on the evidence above....has shown zero signs. Thoughts?


Have you shown signs? 

Actually, the scenario above reminds me of me.  First date, very nice hug. Second date, marginal hug. Third date, mediocre peck (on Valentine's Day no less). Fourth date; hug (he was sick and I wanted none of that!) and Fifth date: Fireworks after a 9 hour date.

Damn near inseparable now. 

Sooo...it kind of depends on what is going on with both of you. Both of us were freshly out of very LT marriages. We weren't reading each other's signs well, and to be fair, I was a bit ambivalent as to what I wanted.

How interested are you? If you are very, what is the harm of either waiting a bit longer, or planting a good one on her...none of this pecky, insipid ****.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> More than anything, I regret the time I wasted trying to save a relationship with a person who, in the end, never really cared about me at all. But if it hadn't happened with him, it probably would have happened with someone else similar to him. And I had to go through all of this to learn that the way he treated me (and the way my mother treats people) isn't healthy, and that I also need to work on the way I relate to people.
> 
> So, in that way, I'm actually grateful. For me, it's been something of a phoenix experience.
> 
> 
> 
> AP, this statement makes me really sad, and I hope that this will change for you over time.
> 
> I feel quite the opposite. I feel that, as I've been getting to know myself better, and am learning how to love myself better, my capacity to truly love and trust another person is increasing. But I'm also learning that I need to be more careful and selective of who I choose to love, and who I choose to trust--that seems to me to be the more important thing. Choosing to love again and choosing to trust again is a huge risk--there's no denying that--but anything worth having will always involve some sort of risk. And going through life without love, without trusting people, I would find that unbearable.


Ditto.  I'm the best I've ever been in so many ways and I'm so eager to share that.  I wasn't mature enough and ex was such a bastard most of the time that I don't' think I loved him. I was infatuated and then married. Then too stubborn to leave until it was just downright awful for too long. And I feel I haven't really experienced any of this love you guys speak of. I mean, I missed some of the men I dated and was super fond of them. I even thought just maybe the last guy was the one. But I can't honestly say I've ever been in real, grown-up love. And think it would be such a waste of all I am and all I have learned if I can't share it!


----------



## Another Planet

OMG please no never again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmIuBMA2I04#t=65


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah, thanks, AP. For the reminder. 



Still not interested in doing that again.


----------



## Garry2012

Jellybeans said:


> Go out again and go in for a kiss on the lips. She could be waiting for you to make a move.


The "peck" was me going in for a kiss...she pecked and pulled back....


----------



## Jellybeans

Go out one more time and if she isn't receptive or pushes you away, don't ask her out again. Or you could just ask her after the date if she's interested... 

People are strange.

I went out with a man one time who I had a nice time with but wasn't getting a vibe if he wanted to do me or not. I was trying to feel him out. Seems he was just slow to make a move. Oh but when he did........I was like, Gooooooooool! We seemed to kiss for hours. M

Ok and now my head is clouded again with that love feeling. Must get some fresh air.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, thanks, AP. For the reminder.
> 
> 
> 
> Still not interested in doing that again.


Yeah I am like FCK that noise!!! I am never selling my trucks and fast toys ever again. And if a relationship goes sexless I am walking period, or I should say her ass is getting kicked out of my place...no *****ing, no moaning, no favors in trade for sex, no begging for damn sure!!!

Years ago to even just last year it probably would have triggered me but now it is funny, I can admit the humor in it all now. And when it seems like such a big deal at the time but it really isn't cause you survive through it all.


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I am like FCK that noise!!! I am never selling my trucks and fast toys ever again. And if a relationship goes sexless I am walking period, or I should say her ass is getting kicked out of my place...no *****ing, no moaning, no favors in trade for sex, no begging for damn sure!!!
> 
> Years ago to even just last year it probably would have triggered me but now it is funny, I can admit the humor in it all now. And when it seems like such a big deal at the time but it really isn't cause you survive through it all.


I can honestly say the majority of the time now I have the attitude that I have currently which is I don't actually give much of a ****. Which is why I think I might not be able to love and trust like that again cause I just don't care anymore for it, seems kind of pointless to build a life with and around someone else if it eventually gets ruined anyway.


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> I can honestly say the majority of the time now I have the attitude that I have currently which is I don't actually give much of a ****. Which is why I think I might not be able to love and trust like that again cause I just don't care anymore for it, seems kind of pointless to build a life with and around someone else if it eventually gets ruined anyway.


Then why have a gf? lol


----------



## bandit.45

You guys ought to see this gash I got I my left arm yesterday. It's awesome. 14 stitches. The scar is going to look good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> By the way, one of my neighbors is hot. And older.


Dentures older or just substantially older than you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Garry2012

Jellybeans said:


> Go out one more time and if she isn't receptive or pushes you away, don't ask her out again. Or you could just ask her after the date if she's interested...
> 
> People are strange.
> 
> I went out with a man one time who I had a nice time with but wasn't getting a vibe if he wanted to do me or not. I was trying to feel him out. Seems he was just slow to make a move. Oh but when he did........I was like, Gooooooooool! We seemed to kiss for hours. M
> 
> Ok and now my head is clouded again with that love feeling. Must get some fresh air.


I am wondering if she is just REALLY conservative...which can be dealt with, OR, more importantly, she is just not the physical bonding type...which i a deal breaker. I have thought of one more chance...but do wonder, since it usually isnt this hard, if we just are not a match...period.


----------



## bandit.45

Garry2012 said:


> I am wondering if she is just REALLY conservative...which can be dealt with, OR, more importantly, she is just not the physical bonding type...which i a deal breaker. I have thought of one more chance...but do wonder, since it usually isnt this hard, if we just are not a match...period.


Don't settle for a LD woman. If she's little miss prude, make a BIG detour around her. 

Next applicant...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Then why have a gf? lol


It's hard to explain. When I say "like that" I mean it literally I am not loving like that anymore. My past relationships it seems all the emotions revolved around sacrifices that were made for the other person or by the other person. That is not happening anymore.

Sacrifice=pain not love 

Maybe I don't even know what real love is yet? I am hoping there is still a chance for me.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> It's hard to explain. When I say "like that" I mean it literally I am not loving like that anymore. My past relationships it seems all the emotions revolved around sacrifices that were made for the other person or by the other person. That is not happening anymore.
> 
> Sacrifice=pain not love
> 
> Maybe I don't even know what real love is yet? I am hoping there is still a chance for me.


I'm in the same place you are. I have zero tolerance for B.S. and fake emotionalism in relationships now. My heart has gotten very hard over the last year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angstire

I don't have threads anymore, so I wanted to share this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jY_epL-AXI

I hope you're all well and have done something selfish for yourself today. Like listen to music at 11.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I'm in the same place you are. I have zero tolerance for B.S. and fake emotionalism in relationships now. My heart has gotten very hard over the last year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats what I am saying what's the point? To me it is a variation of "Fvck Yes".


----------



## vi_bride04

angstire said:


> I don't have threads anymore, so I wanted to share this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jY_epL-AXI
> 
> I hope you're all well and have done something selfish for yourself today. Like listen to music at 11.


I'm going to play with my new toy!! Its like xmas in June


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm going to play with my new toy!! Its like xmas in June


Nice. Is your camera a digital or an SLR?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> I'm going to play with my new toy!! Its like xmas in June


love me wide angle lenses!


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Thats what I am saying what's the point? To me it is a variation of "Fvck Yes".


My goal over the next three years to to develop the skill to differentiate being in actual love from being merely infatuated. The two have such similar feelings and drives, but they are fundamentally different. Astronomically different really.


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Nice. Is your camera a digital or an SLR?


digital SLR 



Lon said:


> love me wide angle lenses!


I have wanted one for over a decade. Just got my first interchangeable lens camera vs point & shoot in 2011. 

so FINALLY I got my wide angle. All I take are landscape/macro shots for the most part. Love flowers and insects and sunsets. Ooooooh man I wonder how much night sky I can get with this thing....

I can't even believe how excited I am about it. ahhh!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I am like FCK that noise!!!





Another Planet said:


> I can honestly say the majority of the time now I have the attitude that I have currently which is I don't actually give much of a ****.


:smthumbup:



bandit.45 said:


> Dentures older or just substantially older than you?


The latter.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> digital SLR
> 
> 
> 
> I have wanted one for over a decade. Just got my first interchangeable lens camera vs point & shoot in 2011.
> 
> so FINALLY I got my wide angle. All I take are landscape/macro shots for the most part. Love flowers and insects and sunsets. Ooooooh man I wonder how much night sky I can get with this thing....
> 
> I can't even believe how excited I am about it. ahhh!!!!!


I'm going to get a Leica with my next bonus. I've always wanted one and dammit I deserve one!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> digital SLR
> 
> 
> 
> I have wanted one for over a decade. Just got my first interchangeable lens camera vs point & shoot in 2011.
> 
> so FINALLY I got my wide angle. All I take are landscape/macro shots for the most part. Love flowers and insects and sunsets. Ooooooh man I wonder how much night sky I can get with this thing....
> 
> I can't even believe how excited I am about it. ahhh!!!!!


hey if you have any photo galleries you publish I'd love to see them!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I'm going to get a Leica with my next bonus. I've always wanted one and dammit I deserve one!


you could attract some very pretty models with a leica. Else I see little other reason to spend that much money on a point and shoot


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> you could attract some very pretty models with a leica. Else I see little other reason to spend that much money on a point and shoot


They make manual SLRs too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> They make manual SLRs too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd save a few grand and buy a nice Nikon DSLR package instead


----------



## bandit.45

Lon said:


> I'd save a few grand and buy a nice Nikon DSLR package instead


I used to buy Nikon hunting equipment. Nikon is a very good brand, and they are making better glass nowadays. But when I bought my Leica Geovid binoculars two years ago they changed my entire thinking on optics. No one makes glass as clear as Leica and no company is as adept at high tech coatings as Leica. Yeah they cost me $3,000, but I can make out the antlers on a deer from 500 yards as if he is standing next to me....they are that clear. Everything I've read about Leica cameras is that they spare no expense on the guts of their cameras.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

I love this song by the Proclaimers -- "When You're in Love You're Out of Your Mind" -- so true! LOL!

The Proclaimers - When You're In Love - YouTube


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I'm in the same place you are. I have zero tolerance for B.S. and fake emotionalism in relationships now. My heart has gotten very hard over the last year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Same here .
But for me l know it's , how can l say it , like no biggie l guess.
like most of the girls l've met so far are lets do this lets do that, but no in my head l'm in no rush , or need. 
l don't fall for the emotional tricks people try use to rush it a long more or the "well if we don't try we'll never know " lines bla bla type things. l'll know , easily.
For me it's like l'll go at my pace and if you don't like it tough, l don't care. l can see and know just as much about her by not doing a thing for a little while , talk,cruise on it.
And sure as eggs down the track a bit without rushing into any of the bs , l have my answer , sorry but your not for me.
Man have l saved myself some bs by just hanging back and cruising first. Not to mention heaps of money, wasted effort, the emotional crap that follows a dead end.

l know with the right girl l won't be like that so until then l'm not interested in bs.


----------



## bandit.45

Awakening2012 said:


> I love this song by the Proclaimers -- "When You're in Love You're Out of Your Mind" -- so true! LOL!
> 
> The Proclaimers - When You're In Love - YouTube


Holy crap those guys are still around? I though they went habering off into the sunset years ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

The Proclaimers may not be around anymore, but I still like them and have enjoyed seeing them live a couple of times -- their music and energy is so fun!


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Same here .
> But for me l know it's , how can l say it , like no biggie l guess.
> like most of the girls l've met so far are like well lets meet or lets do this or that, but no in my head l'm thinking just hold your horses. l'm in no panic or rush.
> l don't fall for the emotional tricks people try use to rush it a long more or the like , "well if we don't try we'll never know " lines bla bla type things. l don't realy know how to explain it.
> But l don't fall for or care about that type of [email protected] now it's like well , l'll go at my pace and if you don't like it tough, l don't care. l can see and know just as much about her by not doing a thing for a little while , just talking and cruising on it.
> And sure as eggs down the track a bit without rushing into any of the bs , have my answer.
> Sorry but your not for me.
> Man have l saved myself some bs by just hanging back and cruising first. Not to mention heaps of money and wasted effort, emotional crap.
> 
> l know with the right girl l won't be like that so until then l'm not interested in bs.


Syrian tried to rearrange my apartment once. That...pissed me off. 

WTF? Go nest somewhere else. Don't fvck with my manspace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Awakening2012 said:


> The Proclaimers may not be around anymore, but I still like them and have enjoyed seeing them live a couple of times -- their music and energy is so fun!


I liked them too. Good Scottish folk. 

I think they got kicked out of Scotland for believing in Jesus.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l've had quite a few of the girls l've met so far scratching their heads l know it.
Some of them have even said things like shezz, your pretty chilled about all this don't you even care about meeting someone bla bla . Or the good old how do you know if we don't get out and spend some time together and bs like that and they've been all rush it rush it.

But it's not that , l'm just not wasting it on bs.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian tried to rearrange my apartment once. That...pissed me off.
> 
> WTF? Go nest somewhere else. Don't fvck with my manspace.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> You guys ought to see this gash I got I my left arm yesterday. It's awesome. 14 stitches. The scar is going to look good.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Scrambling over barbed wire fences again?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Does anyone here watch MUBI?
Thinking about subscribing as looks like will be spending more time 'resting' for a while. Netflix is just boring me, it takes me longer to pick a movie than to watch them...have to weed through all the ones that don't interest me.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Scrambling over barbed wire fences again?


Yeah but this time I was chasing the workers back IN! I got a job to finish on schedule.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

l really hate getting stitches , l'll do anything to get out of them. Fkg hate that needle feeling .
How come in movies they're always stitching themselves up anyway what , haven't they heard of doctors :scratchhead:


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Does anyone here watch MUBI?
> Thinking about subscribing as looks like will be spending more time 'resting' for a while. Netflix is just boring me, it takes me longer to pick a movie than to watch them...have to weed through all the ones that don't interest me.


Agreed. I've never tried MUBI. I'll check it out. HULU Plus is pretty good. I want to get that Apple TV box. Does anyone have one of those?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> l really hate getting stitches , l'll do anything to get out of them. Fkg hate that needle feeling .
> How come in movies they're always stitching themselves up anyway what , haven't they heard of doctors :scratchhead:


Yeah that's a bunch of crapola. The wound itself didn't hurt that bad. I drove myself to the ER. The stitches hurt like a motherhumper because they stretch the skin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah that's a bunch of crapola. The wound itself didn't hurt that bad. I drove myself to the ER. The stitches hurt like a motherhumper because they stretch the skin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I used to stitch people up. When I got to my first duty station/medical clinic all of the vinyl on our office furniture had rips in it so I practiced on that. When people came into the clinic to get stitched up I was always able to show off my work  

Back then we had to take them OUT too, catgut, none of this dissolving stuff! I used to get the kids, snippety snip snip, tug tug tug pull. I guess the guys in my office were too scary looking.


----------



## Shoto1984

So you meet someone interesting...think there might be some potential....feel a little excitement...get those first kisses and they're terrible. Like "hello.....is there someone alive in there...." Damn, now what... "you're really great but I just don't think I'm ready for this" ? Which is true....I'm not ready to be with someone who is a terrible kisser... lol (if they have no clue with kissing what do I imagine the rest will be like...) venting.


----------



## bandit.45

Shoto1984 said:


> So you meet someone interesting...think there might be some potential....feel a little excitement...get those first kisses and they're terrible. Like "hello.....is there someone alive in there...." Damn, now what... "you're really great but I just don't think I'm ready for this" ? Which is true....I'm not ready to be with someone who is a terrible kisser... lol (if they have no clue with kissing what do I imagine the rest will be like...) venting.


Dude you are so right. I hate women who kiss like river eels.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Guys I'm bored and I'm in a smartass mood. Should I go over to SteveK's thread and mock him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Guys I'm bored and I'm in a smartass mood. Should I go over to SteveK's thread and mock him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't get yourself banned lol


----------



## whitehawk

Once you start feeling like something serious, new again , do you ever worry or think maybe you'll never find that special person again ?

lt hasn't been my past if that's anything to go by that's for sure but l must admit. With those l've met so far , l sometimes wonder what hope there is .


----------



## unsure78

:/ I think im starting to like the guy im dating too much,im getting attached.... and I think I might be more open and vulnerable than im comfortable with....

It should be a good thing I like him and he likes me.... but the fear of getting hurt is starting to creep in...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Fear is the destroyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

lt sure is . l just finished talking about that stuff in another thread .
l feel as if l've already found my one and only second chance, we both did yet it's fear with her. With a couple of wks to mul over just exactly wtf happened with us , it's even more obvious now than what l suspected at the time we ended. Damn shame.


----------



## jpr

"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.
You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows.
This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too"



Unsure...don't open the umbrella. Just enjoy the rain. Soak it all in.


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> :/ I think im starting to like the guy im dating too much,im getting attached.... and I think I might be more open and vulnerable than im comfortable with....
> 
> It should be a good thing I like him and he likes me.... but the fear of getting hurt is starting to creep in...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Do you think he feels just as strong or even stronger ? Do you think you would both want the same things in the future, life , each other ?


----------



## jpr

whitehawk said:


> Do you think he feels just as strong or even stronger ? Do you think you would both want the same things in the future, life , each other ?


"Do you think..."...."Do you think..."

Just stop thinking so much.

In the end, all of those conjectures really don't matter. What matters is what is. 

If it is working, and they are falling...let them fall. Enjoy it.


----------



## Shoto1984

Are you going to let fear of getting hurt keep you from, potentially, love and a happily ever after? I hope you choose "no".


----------



## Garry2012

bandit.45 said:


> Dude you are so right. I hate women who kiss like river eels.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG I dated this woman 3 times...she was gorgeous...platinum blond..good body, corporate lawyer. Persoanlity lacked....butwas the WORST kisser ever!!!!! I kept telling myself...."certainly she has dated alot....and MUST have had practice kissing".......but..i wasnt about to teach a 40 yo woman to kiss...deal breaker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> :/ I think im starting to like the guy im dating too much,im getting attached.... and I think I might be more open and vulnerable than im comfortable with....
> 
> It should be a good thing I like him and he likes me.... but the fear of getting hurt is starting to creep in...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't tie yourself to him financially and open up emotionally. If you're relating moving forward with him to engy, that's not fair to the new guy.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Dude you are so right. I hate women who kiss like river eels.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol! Could you describe what that's like? I don't think I'm familiar with the way river eels kiss as I've never kissed one.


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> "Do you think..."...."Do you think..."
> 
> Just stop thinking so much.
> 
> In the end, all of those conjectures really don't matter. What matters is what is.
> 
> If it is working, and they are falling...let them fall. Enjoy it.



Not really think think think things. Just simple obvious things that you wouldn't go letting yourself fall for, just like an axe murderer :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Don't tie yourself to him financially and open up emotionally. If you're relating moving forward with him to engy, that's not fair to the new guy.


Yes I am Up, you know me well, never had fear before the engy... And im trying to work thru it... I know just because engy hurt me doesn't mean this guy will...trying to convince myself of it..

And yes jpr... I agree and I WANT to just enjoy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> :/ I think im starting to like the guy im dating too much,im getting attached.... and I think I might be more open and vulnerable than im comfortable with....
> 
> It should be a good thing I like him and he likes me.... but the fear of getting hurt is starting to creep in...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unsure, this is the whole point of the whole dating thing! Get out of your own way and let things happen!


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Do you think he feels just as strong or even stronger ? Do you think you would both want the same things in the future, life , each other ?


From what he says he likes me a lot...seems serious about me... we are on the same page about life
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Shoto1984 said:


> Are you going to let fear of getting hurt keep you from, potentially, love and a happily ever after? I hope you choose "no".


I am chosing, no... ive experienced a lot in the last few years post D... some of this experience has made me wise and self aware. .. but some has made me cautious. .

I am not fearful of losing him or being alone like I once was post D.... im not entirely sure why im fearful, just not wanting to experience the level of hurt I did after the last one I guess
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Unsure, this is the whole point of the whole dating thing! Get out of your own way and let things happen!


I took a big step last night and made myself vulnerable last night...I told him I was getting attached to him, he reciprocated saying the same thing...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> Yes I am Up, you know me well, never had fear before the engy... And im trying to work thru it... I know just because engy hurt me doesn't mean this guy will...trying to convince myself of it..
> 
> And yes jpr... I agree and I WANT to just enjoy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The difference is very clear though. You knew engy had commitment issues and you thought if you waited it out he'd change. You know better now.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Dude you are so right. I hate women who kiss like river eels.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha
What is God's creation is kissing like a river eel?


----------



## ne9907

I had a nice evening with blue eyes last night.
He got back from out of town, we went to dinner, then the movies, then wine, conversation, and oreo cookies!! (My favorite)

It hit me last night, that he and I have been doing this "dance" for three months now.
So you can pretty much call us boyfriend n girlfriend haha, I am kidding!!!
Last night we were talking about life again;conversation led to talking about interactions with people.
He likes to be approachable, I dont.
He believes that I will stop seeing him when I get bored of him. Which is true, or.he.could be deflecting. 
Does it matter? Nope.


----------



## Awakening2012

"Romantic love rots the brain, no doubt about it -- you're out of your mind".... Love these lyrics, LOL!


----------



## moxy

I'm curious about the nature of River Eel style kissing, too. Someone care to expand?


----------



## vi_bride04

Summer solstice celebration bonfire!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I'm curious about the nature of River Eel style kissing, too. Someone care to expand?


Come on bandit, explain!!_


----------



## whitehawk

l move out this wk , house is sold , done and dusted.
Thing is , d and me have been tossing up for 12mths about where to move to and we decided on a beach town 15mins over . We rented there for a stint when we first moved to this area and l always regretted leaving it . Well my daughter always loved it over there to , all her friends which is such a bonus for her in all of this. We're so exited about moving back there and me secretly , fresh start and all that stuff. Gonna be nice to just pay rent for awhile after all the worries of this place to.

But the real doosie is , Beach house lives just up the road , the mind can't help but wonder . 
l've got a funny feeling l'm gonna be getting a few visits and her fear and defenses might just blow away in time.
l won't be holding my breath or laying in hope but it is strange that l should end up just down the road . She actually suggested l rent the house across the road from her so, just a bit of a feeling the fat lady hasn't sung yet .


----------



## whitehawk

lt is really hard to find a nice kisser or maybe it's more that whatever kind of kisser we are , hopefully our partners kissing works with it.
My ex was the best kisser l've ever had .
But once l went out with this chick and l was literally worried she was gonna eat my face .
Needless to say , it was only the once :rofl:


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Same here .
> 
> 
> l know with the right girl l won't be like that so until then l'm not interested in bs.


Yes. And then, you may be the one rushing it.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Dude you are so right. I hate women who kiss like river eels.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What does a river eel kiss like? I just want to make sure I am doing it right.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Yes. And then, you may be the one rushing it.



Haha yeah maybe.


----------



## familyfirst09

Hello beautiful people  I have a question I'm hoping ya'll can answer, or a situation some of you men can explain. 

Went on a date with online guy #3. Went for appies and a drink. Great conversation, very attractive, laughed quite a bit. We then left there and went for a coffee. A good kiss at the end of the date. It went well in my opinion. He texted me within a half hour of date ending saying that's for meeting, had fun. We chatted for a little bit and he said he wanted to go on a second date, few compliments etc. We didn't make plans for a second date just both said we wanted one. That was friday night. I initiated a quick text on saturday, said have a good morning at his tournament that he was in. I heard from him briefly saturday evening. And that's it. I haven't heard from him since. 

Is that strange?? I'm thinking he changed his mind? I haven't contacted him, figured if he was still interested, he would reach out. 

So what do you all think? Is he "playing cool" or perhaps has changed his mind or maybe met someone else. Dating is such a mind fvck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I think you do one of two things; continue on with your life or you ask him out in a day or two.


----------



## familyfirst09

Ok, I've already chosen option one, still doesn't help me understand the male brain tho!! Lol

I made first contact on saturday. Up to him now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

familyfirst09 said:


> Ok, I've already chosen option one, still doesn't help me understand the male brain tho!! Lol
> 
> I made first contact on saturday. Up to him now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Male brain, female brain ... it's all the same. People live their lives in whatever way they see fit and if they don't want to include you in them, well, that's that. 

It could be a number of reasons why he hasn't contacted you back, many of them not directly related to you. As you said, you made the morning contact the next day and it's up to him now.


----------



## unsure78

FF if he doesn't ask you out again by wed then I would be worried.... not every one communicates as much early on, but he may just not be into you... nothing you can do but wait to see (sucks I know), if hes into you he will set something. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Dating is fun, easy, but so exhausting... thus I am not dating at the.moment.
FF keep busy, do not text him anymore. Let him initiate.contact since you already mentioned you would like to go out again.
Do not worry about whether he met someone else or not, whats the worst that could happen?
You will never hear from him again, and he will miss out on knowing the wonderful person you are. 

Btw, I am enjoying a Dr.Who marathon, I love it!!
I so want to be Dr.Who's companion!! Because somethings are worth getting your heart broken for.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Being single is so relaxing. I went camping with my kids locally and they each had a friend show up. I sat on my bum and the kids put up the tent (the neighbors tried to help and I shoo'd them off, funny! My kids are capable of putting up tents even in the dark or the rain.) We cooked hot dog and tofu pups for dinner over the fire and had chips, organic watermelon and marshmallows. One of the friends stayed over and in the morning I fed everyone donuts and large hot chocolates for breakfast - I drove to Dunkin' Donuts for the drinks (left cook stove at home in order to be lazy, had brought donuts from bakery though.) There was a heated pool, the kids also went fishing (unsupervised) and did jumps and stuff on their bikes. There was a band that played country western music live for a few hours at night, at a pavilion near our tent site. 
The kids did not brush their teeth at all and they also had ice cream novelties bought from the camp store. 

Urban camping is so funny. Kids are perfect company. 
We went geocaching after, out on some conservation land (over 28000 acres of it, me just trusting son's GPS navigational skills...) I got winded going up the hill and had to ask the kids to slow down (still no clue as to why anemic other than it's not dietary...)

So summer begins. 

We used to go camping with my ex and he was such a control freak. We could not do anything, he had to run the show. The kids are much more fun. 

I do the logistics, to keep things running, but am not a task master. I just make sure we have everything we need and when the kids are off having fun I make rounds and put things in place for the next thing. So to the kids it feels like they are running the show and I just have the driver's license and the debit card. ;-)

I sat by the pool and read for a while, also by the campfire in my Boxer Joe jammies and flip flops this morning while the kids were off fishing. Apparently they fooled around in someone's paddleboat that was moored down by the dock but nobody complained. (My son's friend's cousin owns the campground...)

No shower for me today...and when we were heading out this afternoon I realized I had no deodorant...and then laughed, because we were headed for the transfer station (dump) and like, who's going to notice?????

We were naughty in the recycling shack today. Last time we messed around in there we took some ugly dolls and there was a book from the book stacks entitled "I lost my doll!" So we put it up amongst the ugly dolls, one was headless and we put all the other dolls posed looking at it. 

Today though scored big time. There was a Sesame Street work bench, so we put one ugly doll under the circular saw and another one under the drill. We could barely keep from keeling over laughing, and of course after we left a couple old ladies went over to see what we'd been snickering over. Too much fun! We are going to start making movies about the dolls at the dump. My kids have a movie camera. I am such a bad mum for encouraging them. One of the ladies who went in after we left was pregnant, and all I could think was, she is going to be scared of having a baby that turns out to be the kind of kid who puts a doll under a (plastic toy Grover-shaped) circular saw for fun.

Then driving past a place that was sold out of eggs (in a cooler by the road) where the chickens were wandering around, I started making chicken noises that sounds like baak baak baak someone sold my eggs for two baaaks bakks. And told my kids, study hard so you can grow up to drive a car and make chicken noises for your kids. And please don't tell my boss who trusts me with his high-end work that this is what I do with my spare time.... (he TOLD ME to take the weekend off.)


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian texted me tonight. Out of the blue. Asking me how I am. Should I respond? I want to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian texted me tonight. Out of the blue. Asking me how I am. Should I respond? I want to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes!!!!!

And pray tell, what is kissing like an eel?????

Oh btw, I am spending the night at blue eyes


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian texted me tonight. Out of the blue. Asking me how I am. Should I respond? I want to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do it.


----------



## Jellybeans

familyfirst09 said:


> Went for appies and a drink.


Are appies appetizers? 

I say wait a few days to see if he reaches out.

Ah, dating. It is so annoying trying to decipher stuff.


----------



## familyfirst09

Yeah appies are appetizers. I still haven't heard from him. Oh well, life goes on. Just seems weird to initially reach out so quick and then nothing. I give up trying to understand and just go back about my business. I'm still chatting with a few other "potentials" lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Awakening2012 said:


> "Romantic love rots the brain, no doubt about it -- you're out of your mind".... Love these lyrics, LOL!


Love this. It's true. Being in love is temporary insanity!



vi_bride04 said:


> Summer solstice celebration bonfire!!!


Sounds fun!



whitehawk said:


> Once you start feeling like something serious, new again , do you ever worry or think maybe you'll never find that special person again ?


This makes no sense to me. If you start feeling like it's getting serious, why would you wonder if you'd ever find someone special? Wouldn't it be the opposite of that? Feelings of getting serious means that you are with someone special (to me).



unsure78 said:


> It should be a good thing I like him and he likes me.... but the fear of getting hurt is starting to creep in...


Just go with it. Be sure you don't make your life 100% about him.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Love this. It's true. Being in love is temporary insanity!
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds fun!
> 
> 
> 
> This makes no sense to me. If you start feeling like it's getting serious, why would you wonder if you'd ever find someone special? Wouldn't it be the opposite of that? Feelings of getting serious means that you are with someone special (to me).
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:
> Umm , no you haven't met someone yet ~


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh. I misunderstood your post then. 

No. I don't worry about those things. If I meet someone, great. If not, life goes on.

My thinking in general is that eventually we all will meet someone being that there are 7 billion people on the planet. So from a purely mathematical and numbers point of view, it's inevitable.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian texted me tonight. Out of the blue. Asking me how I am. Should I respond? I want to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why? Because you're bored? Because you want some fun?



familyfirst09 said:


> Yeah appies are appetizers. I still haven't heard from him. Oh well, life goes on. Just seems weird to initially reach out so quick and then nothing. I give up trying to understand and just go back about my business. I'm still chatting with a few other "potentials" lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


holymoly, it has only been two days (or am I miscounting?) I wouldn't expect to hear back until Wed.



Jellybeans said:


> Oh. I misunderstood your post then.
> 
> No. I don't worry about those things. If I meet someone, great. If not, life goes on.
> 
> My thinking in general is that eventually we all will meet someone being that there are 7 billion people on the planet. So from a purely mathematical and numbers point of view, it's inevitable.


Exactly.


----------



## whitehawk

Put it that way and, guess so. l use to think there's at least 3 or 4 people in the world for all of us. They'd all be different but we could be just as happy with any one of them.

l feel like serious again now for the first time since my marriage broke up.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Why? Because you're bored? Because you want some fun?
> 
> 
> 
> l wondered why the do its too . Wasn't everyone telling him to dump it awhile back.
> 
> Anyway , it will open a can of worms B so it all depends , do ya wanna go there again ?


----------



## muskrat

muskrat said:


> I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have sex this weekend!!




I may be in trouble. I really like her. She met a few of my friends this weekend and they also like her. I am happy and terrified!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Yay!

How many times have you guys hung out? It's long-distance, right? How far?


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I may be in trouble. I really like her. She met a few of my friends this weekend and they also like her. I am happy and terrified!!


OOOOO RAT YEA!!! im sooo happy for you... you deserve to find someone!!


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I may be in trouble. I really like her. She met a few of my friends this weekend and they also like her. I am happy and terrified!!


Terrified is good. It means there is some chemistry happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Yay!
> 
> How many times have you guys hung out? It's long-distance, right? How far?


We text and talk daily. We have been together 9 times now. She is from a town about half an hour away. Right now she is staying with her mom who lives about 2 hours from me. Her sister lives in her home town still. So I'm not sure if that is long distance or not. We see each other pretty regularly but are far enough apart that we each still have our own space which is good.


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> We text and talk daily. We have been together 9 times now. She is from a town about half an hour away. Right now she is staying with her mom who lives about 2 hours from me. Her sister lives in her home town still. So I'm not sure if that is long distance or not. We see each other pretty regularly but are far enough apart that we each still have our own space which is good.


I would say 30 mins away isn't long distance. It takes 30 minutes to get to the other side of my city! Two hours drive, I'd say that's long distance, but it's not as bad as two hours by plane. Two hours by car, you can see each other at least once a week.


----------



## vi_bride04

I am soooooooo sore from riding a quad on Sat. OMG. Who the hell knew its that much of a workout??

Now I got the itch to buy one. Oh man, love love love riding.


----------



## Fenix

muskrat said:


> I may be in trouble. I really like her. She met a few of my friends this weekend and they also like her. I am happy and terrified!!



Yay!!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'll just leave this here (NSFW)

http://youtu.be/K5lgwopmKMw


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I am soooooooo sore from riding a quad on Sat. OMG. Who the hell knew its that much of a workout??
> 
> Now I got the itch to buy one. Oh man, love love love riding.


That sounds like so much fun. I would love to try it sometime.


----------



## ne9907

I approve of my new therapist. She is good! I like her a lot!


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> That sounds like so much fun. I would love to try it sometime.


Used to ride all the time on my grandparents farm growing up. Well, they were 3-wheelers instead of 4-wheelers so even more dangerous...lol.

Anyways, I think I def want to get into it as a hobby. And just think of all the guys I would meet at different motocross trails!


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll just leave this here (NSFW)
> 
> http://youtu.be/K5lgwopmKMw



That video was hilarious. It's perfect for this thread.


----------



## moxy

Muskrat, I would not call 2 hours long distance. Of course, I'm from TX, so my perspective is based on long drives being a daily thing.


----------



## moxy

NE, I am a nerdy Whovian, myself, so I am all excited to hear you say you're watching Doctor Who. That world is my happy place. Favorite characters? (Mine: River Song & Jack Harkness).


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian texted me tonight. Out of the blue. Asking me how I am. Should I respond? I want to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You liked her then and probably still like her now. If she's still thinking of you, then she still liked you at least a little. Do you think you want to date her again? Could you set your insecurities about age and your differences aside? You did seem to enjoy your time with her and she with you, and you generally treated her well. I have a feeling that you just let some if your own baggage hold you back with her last time and maybe the collective energy on TAM influenced your choice, too.

You haven't promised her forever and she hasn't asked for it. So, ask yourself: Will you enjoy it? Will you treat her well? Will she enjoy it? And, can you be good to her for however long it lasts or honest enough to tell her if you are not feeling it anymore? If so, then I'd say go for it!

You can get intellectual stimulation elsewhere, but she really spoke to your heart, it seemed.

Yeah, I'm in a sappy mood, but, unless your only reason for replying is boredom, then...yes! Text her!


----------



## moxy

Last night: date night; yay. So, Guy and I are at like freaky porn stars and talking up a filthy storm when, out of nowhere, he says, "tell me you love me". For a second, I froze; I like this guy more every time we see each other (despite some of his douchey behavior and some of my own douchey behavior, which I've done to keep myself from developing feelings too fast, but it happened anyway); then, I countered with an "I love your ...(naughty words here)." and he ran with that. I suppose it was a good save, because one doesn't say things of that gravity in the middle of wild, licentious acts of indecency, but part of me wishes I hadn't turned it from sweet to slvtty, yet again. I always do this; why? I call what we do fvcking or hanging out; he calls it making love and cuddling. I never tell him that I'm all kinds of hot for him and until recently, I'd never spent the night or let go of control. I want to give in to that sweetness in his approach to whatever this is, but I'm too afraid to be that vulnerable. I don't know how he feels about me, really, but I know he likes banging me; well, I know a little of what he thinks of me, just not whether his feelings are on the same book jacket/page/blog roll or not. I don't mind telling him I miss him; he does the same. He used to just ask me if my various and sundry body parts belonged to him, usually in conjunction with some variation of asking about exclusivity during fun times, but yesterday, he started referring to me as "My Moxy" (obviously, he used my real life name). I chalked it up to sex talk, but secretly hoped otherwise. Logic says this is just part of the game that is sex and dating in our culture today, but those blurry lines make emotions confusing. I'm grinning like a fool today and so tempted to text him just to say I had fun and am thinking of him, but I don't want to be clingy and lacking in dignity or to destroy the chance to see him again by being clingy; I never assume there will be a next time, but I always hope for it. This date was more emotional in its entirety than we usually are. So, I'm happy, confused, and feigning detached bravado despite my silly crush and surprised to say that none of the other guys I've been talking to interest me enough to draw my attention away from this boy and this fling. Ugh. Feelings. Maybe by tonight, I'll be more sane. Off to work I go for the day....


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> NE, I am a nerdy Whovian, myself, so I am all excited to hear you say you're watching Doctor Who. That world is my happy place. Favorite characters? (Mine: River Song & Jack Harkness).


I have liked Dr Who ever since David Tennant became the 10th doctor. I am in love with him! 

Well my favorite character is Rose. The love story between them is so awesome! 

I am in a silly mood today. Would you believe that eventhough I am sleeping with someone (blue eyes), and talking to someone else (army guy), every time I think about an old boyfriend I get sad because we did not make it?

I am so lame sometimes. BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! I shall forget about this old boyfriend, I shall name him Original (because blue eyes reminds me of him).

Although, I suspect that I am replacing feelings of mourning the loss of my marriage to mourning the loss of the relationship with original because I CANNOT and will not feel sad over ex husband. He is a piece of ****, he truly is, and I do hate him now. 
Original is a substitute for mourning a loss that I simply cannot.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Last night: date night; yay. So, Guy and I are at like freaky porn stars and talking up a filthy storm when, out of nowhere, he says, "tell me you love me". For a second, I froze; I like this guy more every time we see each other (despite some of his douchey behavior and some of my own douchey behavior, which I've done to keep myself from developing feelings too fast, but it happened anyway); then, I countered with an "I love your ...(naughty words here)." and he ran with that. I suppose it was a good save, because one doesn't say things of that gravity in the middle of wild, licentious acts of indecency, but part of me wishes I hadn't turned it from sweet to slvtty, yet again. I always do this; why? I call what we do fvcking or hanging out; he calls it making love and cuddling. I never tell him that I'm all kinds of hot for him and until recently, I'd never spent the night or let go of control. I want to give in to that sweetness in his approach to whatever this is, but I'm too afraid to be that vulnerable. I don't know how he feels about me, really, but I know he likes banging me; well, I know a little of what he thinks of me, just not whether his feelings are on the same book jacket/page/blog roll or not. I don't mind telling him I miss him; he does the same. He used to just ask me if my various and sundry body parts belonged to him, usually in conjunction with some variation of asking about exclusivity during fun times, but yesterday, he started referring to me as "My Moxy" (obviously, he used my real life name). I chalked it up to sex talk, but secretly hoped otherwise. Logic says this is just part of the game that is sex and dating in our culture today, but those blurry lines make emotions confusing. I'm grinning like a fool today and so tempted to text him just to say I had fun and am thinking of him, but I don't want to be clingy and lacking in dignity or to destroy the chance to see him again by being clingy; I never assume there will be a next time, but I always hope for it. This date was more emotional in its entirety than we usually are. So, I'm happy, confused, and feigning detached bravado despite my silly crush and surprised to say that none of the other guys I've been talking to interest me enough to draw my attention away from this boy and this fling. Ugh. Feelings. Maybe by tonight, I'll be more sane. Off to work I go for the day....


WOW Moxy!!
I didnt know you were dating someone!? COngtats??

It sounds like you two are having fun, let go of the fear, be your true self! Enjoy it!

If it doesnt last, you will have yet another broken heart but yesterday while Sarah Jane (Dr. Who) 
"SOme things are worth getting your heart broken for"

Totally agree.

You deserve to be happy Moxy, do not let fear rule your emotions.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Last night: date night; yay. So, Guy and I are at like freaky porn stars and talking up a filthy storm when, out of nowhere, he says, "tell me you love me". For a second, I froze; I like this guy more every time we see each other (despite some of his douchey behavior and some of my own douchey behavior, which I've done to keep myself from developing feelings too fast, but it happened anyway); then, I countered with an "I love your ...(naughty words here)." and he ran with that. I suppose it was a good save, because one doesn't say things of that gravity in the middle of wild, licentious acts of indecency, but part of me wishes I hadn't turned it from sweet to slvtty, yet again. I always do this; why? I call what we do fvcking or hanging out; he calls it making love and cuddling. I never tell him that I'm all kinds of hot for him and until recently, I'd never spent the night or let go of control. I want to give in to that sweetness in his approach to whatever this is, but I'm too afraid to be that vulnerable. I don't know how he feels about me, really, but I know he likes banging me; well, I know a little of what he thinks of me, just not whether his feelings are on the same book jacket/page/blog roll or not. I don't mind telling him I miss him; he does the same. He used to just ask me if my various and sundry body parts belonged to him, usually in conjunction with some variation of asking about exclusivity during fun times, but yesterday, he started referring to me as "My Moxy" (obviously, he used my real life name). I chalked it up to sex talk, but secretly hoped otherwise. Logic says this is just part of the game that is sex and dating in our culture today, but those blurry lines make emotions confusing. I'm grinning like a fool today and so tempted to text him just to say I had fun and am thinking of him, but I don't want to be clingy and lacking in dignity or to destroy the chance to see him again by being clingy; I never assume there will be a next time, but I always hope for it. This date was more emotional in its entirety than we usually are. So, I'm happy, confused, and feigning detached bravado despite my silly crush and surprised to say that none of the other guys I've been talking to interest me enough to draw my attention away from this boy and this fling. Ugh. Feelings. Maybe by tonight, I'll be more sane. Off to work I go for the day....


Yea this is how it starts... im with you a bit, no longer ever assuming anything will be long term, but sometimes hoping it will... in a way its a kinda a small step at a time, testing the waters almost...one little drop at a time, then all of a sudden rainstorm...


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> WOW Moxy!!
> I didnt know you were dating someone!? COngtats??
> 
> It sounds like you two are having fun, let go of the fear, be your true self! Enjoy it!
> 
> If it doesnt last, you will have yet another broken heart but yesterday while Sarah Jane (Dr. Who)
> "SOme things are worth getting your heart broken for"
> 
> Totally agree.
> 
> You deserve to be happy Moxy, do not let fear rule your emotions.


I don't know if it's dating because we don't go out, but it's the same guy that used to be my neighbor, who I've been calling an FWB because I can't figure out what this thing is between us and because I couldn't settle on a nickname to give him on here, and who is the only dude I've been with since my exh. Whatever this thing is we're doing has been going on rather casually for about five months, now. That may give it some context. So, I'm definitely having fun, but...I'm realizing that things get complicated easily.


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Yea this is how it starts... im with you a bit, no longer ever assuming anything will be long term, but sometimes hoping it will... in a way its a kinda a small step at a time, testing the waters almost...one little drop at a time, then all of a sudden rainstorm...


Wishing you good things, too unsure! 

I like that rain metaphor, a lot. 

Embracing that risk with joyful abandon is what the essence of romance is all about, but...divorce messes with some people's ability to believe in that or trust it anymore (I'm including myself in that group of people) because it's a kind of loss of innocence.

Long live those storms of torrential waters and the brilliant snap of electricity that precedes celestial percussion!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well. You either make the decision to see if there can be more or you become content with what's going on.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Well. You either make the decision to see if there can be more or you become content with what's going on.


So scary, but totally right on. I'm going to have to think about this.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Wishing you good things, too unsure!
> 
> I like that rain metaphor, a lot.
> 
> Embracing that risk with joyful abandon is what the essence of romance is all about, but...divorce messes with some people's ability to believe in that or trust it anymore (I'm including myself in that group of people) *because it's a kind of loss of innocence*.
> 
> Long live those storms of torrential waters and the brilliant snap of electricity that precedes celestial percussion!


wow, this is how emotional I am: the bolded part made me cry!

I dislike having my period for obvious reasons


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> wow, this is how emotional I am: the bolded part made me cry!
> 
> I dislike having my period for obvious reasons


Hang in there! That very idea, in those or other words, has made plenty of us cry on this site and in life.


----------



## ne9907

Another Whovian quote I like

"It is time to stop waiting for you, and find a life of my own"

yep! I fool myself thinking I am waitin for someone.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Well. You either make the decision to see if there can be more or you become content with what's going on.


I'm okay with what's going on; I think I'd be pleased if there were more, but I don't know that for sure. I'm in a strangely good mood today. Because your statement is wise -- and because I'm feeling impulsive -- I did choose to send a very easygoing sort of text; maybe he will reply and maybe not, but I'm not bothered either way. I've been holding myself back and I just feel like not doing so for a minute, just to see what happens.


----------



## familyfirst09

Fenix said:


> holymoly, it has only been two days (or am I miscounting?) I wouldn't expect to hear back until Wed.
> 
> 
> 
> Exactly.


I get the 3 days from first date...but he already made initial contact after first date and said he wanted a second one..and THEN nothing since saturday evening. is THAT the normal 3 days?? I don't think it is but what the heck do I know, lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

familyfirst09 said:


> I get the 3 days from first date...but he already made initial contact after first date and said he wanted a second one..and THEN nothing since saturday evening. is THAT the normal 3 days?? I don't think it is but what the heck do I know, lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, so I have only been on a handful of dates (like 6? iirc) not sure really but anyway here are my two cents...
Out of those 6 men, i felt connection to 3 people, out of those 3 people all 3 pretty much made plans for a second date and texted me good morning messages etc.
Out of those 3, only 2 got a second date.

But if you based it on my opinion, yes he should have texted you back. 
Maybe he is just taking it easy, as to not appear too clingy.


----------



## moxy

Maybe he is just taking it easy, as to not appear too clingy.[/QUOTE]


This is really a thing.


----------



## familyfirst09

moxy said:


> Maybe he is just taking it easy, as to not appear too clingy.



This is really a thing.[/QUOTE]


What do you mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Put it that way and, guess so. l use to think there's at least 3 or 4 people in the world for all of us. They'd all be different but we could be just as happy with any one of them.
> 
> l feel like serious again now for the first time since my marriage broke up.


Did I miss something WH, did you meet someone? I thought I was keeping up the thread...


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll just leave this here (NSFW)
> 
> Who's ****ing: Josh and Debra - YouTube


OMFG that was great :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I don't know if it's dating because we don't go out, but it's the same guy that used to be my neighbor, who I've been calling an FWB because I can't figure out what this thing is between us and because I couldn't settle on a nickname to give him on here, and who is the only dude I've been with since my exh. Whatever this thing is we're doing has been going on rather casually for about five months, now. That may give it some context. So, I'm definitely having fun, but...I'm realizing that things get complicated easily.


OHHH yeah that is complicated. The "tell me you love me thing"...that's a tough one. Don't fake it is all I can say, that would be leading him on and that is how people get hurt :/


----------



## moxy

familyfirst09 said:


> This is really a thing.






What do you mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


I mean that many people really are afraid of being clingy and so sometimes behave in ways that make them seem more detached than they genuinely feel themselves to be...as in, that really is a recognized thing that some people sometimes do.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> OHHH yeah that is complicated. The "tell me you love me thing"...that's a tough one. Don't fake it is all I can say, that would be leading him on and that is how people get hurt :/



I was careful to avoid saying it. I don't think there's a risk of me leading him on; I'm genuinely not going out w anyone else and I'd stop talking or flirting with others if Guy wanted to express a desire to actually date beyond just do this casual thing. I wonder if he was testing the waters a bit with his questions. 

The worry is that I actually fear that it's the other way around; I mean, I think that maybe I like him more than he likes me and so I've got a lot of walls up, but also, hearing that statement kinda made me hopeful and excited despite myself. At the same time, he may like me but behave in an aloof manner because of my behavior, so that maybe that was something he felt he needed to hear from me because I'm not being clear about my feelings, or it could just be sex talk. 

I don't think it's a good idea to trust things said during sex, usually...not on the surface, anyway. I suspect that I like him more than he likes me; it started out differently and now I think I care and he just likes banging me. Of course, I can't be sure. This post, for instance, is the opposite of my previous one. What I mean to say is that...I'm not afraid that he meant it, but frightened by the idea that I kinda wish maybe he did. Eh...I don't know if that makes any sense. I'm in a weird headspace.


----------



## Dedicated2Her

unsure78 said:


> Yea this is how it starts... im with you a bit, no longer ever assuming anything will be long term, but sometimes hoping it will... in a way its a kinda a small step at a time, testing the waters almost...one little drop at a time, then all of a sudden rainstorm...



Me and the gf went out of town for the weekend to a nice coastal town and enjoyed the downtown area. There was a moment that she alluded in conversation to us living somewhere in the future. She stopped and immediately said, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to freak you out." My response, "You aren't freaking me out. It's totally natural to start to entertain possible futures when in a relationship of 18 months." She laughed, "I guess I'm freaking myself out."

I've spent a ton of time studying relationships. The vast majority of long lasting, deeper, "love" relationships are built in small steps day by day. Too many times infactuation or emotion comes in a sudden rainstorm. Because the emotion comes so easy, the actions follow the emotion. It creates a pattern of emotion...then action.....which is death to a long term relationship. Or, at least, a long term relationship that is a positive growth process personally for both people involved. 

Life is a long journey, be aware of sudden emotional changes. Emotions change over time.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> I was careful to avoid saying it. I don't think there's a risk of me leading him on; I'm genuinely not going out w anyone else and I'd stop talking or flirting with others if Guy wanted to express a desire to actually date beyond just do this casual thing. I wonder if he was testing the waters a bit with his questions.
> 
> The worry is that I actually fear that it's the other way around; I mean, I think that maybe I like him more than he likes me and so I've got a lot of walls up, but also, hearing that statement kinda made me hopeful and excited despite myself. At the same time, he may like me but behave in an aloof manner because of my behavior, so that maybe that was something he felt he needed to hear from me because I'm not being clear about my feelings, or it could just be sex talk.


I agree on the not trusting sex talk.

But, as for the rest, I don't know. I usually advise just being direct and honest, because you never know. However, you know you and your situation. I like D2H's post and agree. Small steps and you've been taking them. He may have shifted in his feelings.

I know, in my current relationship, my feelings have shifted and it is friggin scary.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> he may like me but behave in an aloof manner because of my behavior, so that maybe that was something he felt he needed to hear from me because I'm not being clear about my feelings, or it could just be sex talk.
> 
> I don't think it's a good idea to trust things said during sex, usually...not on the surface, anyway. I suspect that I like him more than he likes me; it started out differently and now I think I care and he just likes banging me.


Ah, sex. Always complicates everything. 

I say just tell him how you feel. Why not?


----------



## Oldfaithful

** 
v ,
%4 V,


----------



## muskrat

I think you need to have a serious talk with him Moxy. If you just continue on your current path and he is not feeling anything, you are setting yourself up for a big fall.
Personally I suspect he is feeling more for you than you realize. But you keep sending mixed signals. Remember all the complaints on here about people sending mixed signals?


----------



## Jellybeans

I agree with Musk, Moxy. You are probably confusing him because you keep deflecting when he brings up something emotional. Or making it not a big deal. So he may think you aren't into him. Clarity is a good thing. Oh and I think you do it as a defense mechanism so as not to be vulnerable and get hurt in the end. It's a way to keep walls up. But life is about taking chances. love is a leap of faith.


----------



## jpr

I don't know, Moxy....:scratchhead:....I think I am on the side of "just let it ride" for a bit.

I think you played it well...and you are aware that words said during sex are not always to be trusted. You are right---often it is just "sex talk". 

You haven't been seeing this guy that long...have you? 

To me, this is all just part of the process. ....feeling things out. I don't think that people REALLY know how they feel about each other early on in a relationship/friendship. It takes some time. Even if you 'talk' about how you feel right now, those feelings could easily change in a week or two. It is just too early.

I had someone tell me that he thought he was falling in love with me after only two weeks. It seemed so genuine...and maybe at the time it was genuine. But, I sort of feel like if someone can fall in love so quickly and so easily, then they can probably fall out of love just as quickly and easily.  ...and I was right. About a month later, he feel "madly" in love someone else and she was living with him within a few weeks. 


Sometimes it is hard, but you just have to keep your wits about you and enjoy the process.


----------



## Jellybeans

So I'd like your opinion everyone...

One of my good friends' (GF) families had a BBQ this weekend, which I went to. I used to date GF's brother, we'll call him B (in high school) very briefly and see him every blue moon now, whenever their family invites me to a party. I've been friends with this family for about 20 yrs now and GF & B's parents love me. B was there was his wife M, who I can tell doesn't like me based on her body language. She has always been weird towards me and made a point not to say Hi to me at all and when we were all sitting together, she told B to go to another table. Anyway I left soon thereafter and said Goodbye to her (because why be petty)? And now she has friend-requested me on Facebook. We are not friends, we are mere acquaintances. My feeling is she is only doing this to keep tabs on me or check up on me. B and I literally have no contact outside of very few of their family events I see him at. He goes out of his way to be as "friend"-like as possible with me to the point where it is weird. 

So, am I going to look like a b*tch i I don't accept her friend request?


----------



## muskrat

If any of us are to ever experience a meaningful relationship again, at some point we have to let ourselves be vulnerable. It is a great risk, but it also opens the door to great rewards.

As long as we allow our fears to control us, all we will ever have is superficial relationships. So we just have to weigh the risk against the reward and make an educated decision.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> So I'd like your opinion everyone...
> 
> One of my good friends' (GF) families had a BBQ this weekend, which I went to. I used to date GF's brother, we'll call him B (in high school) very briefly and see him every blue moon now, whenever their family invites me to a party. I've been friends with this family for about 20 yrs now and GF & B's parents love me. B was there was his wife M, who I can tell doesn't like me based on her body language. She has always been weird towards me and made a point not to say Hi to me at all and when we were all sitting together, she told B to go to another table. Anyway I left soon thereafter and said Goodbye to her (because why be petty)? And now she has friend-requested me on Facebook. We are not friends, we are mere acquaintances. My feeling is she is only doing this to keep tabs on me or check up on me. B and I literally have no contact outside of very few of their family events I see him at. He goes out of his way to be as "friend"-like as possible with me to the point where it is weird.
> 
> So, am I going to look like a b*tch i I don't accept her friend request?


That's a tough one. I think you almost have to accept. If you don't the pettiness will probably increase.


----------



## muskrat

jpr said:


> I don't know, Moxy....:scratchhead:....I think I am on the side of "just let it ride" for a bit.
> 
> I think you played it well...and you are aware that words said during sex are not always to be trusted. You are right---often it is just "sex talk".
> 
> You haven't been seeing this guy that long...have you?
> 
> To me, this is all just part of the process. ....feeling things out. I don't think that people REALLY know how they feel about each other early on in a relationship/friendship. It takes some time. Even if you 'talk' about how you feel right now, those feelings could easily change in a week or two. It is just too early.
> 
> I had someone tell me that he thought he was falling in love with me after only two weeks. It seemed so genuine...and maybe at the time it was genuine. But, I sort of feel like if someone can fall in love so quickly and so easily, then they can probably fall out of love just as quickly and easily.  ...and I was right. About a month later, he feel "madly" in love someone else and she was living with him within a few weeks.
> 
> 
> Sometimes it is hard, but you just have to keep your wits about you and enjoy the process.


I agree with not believing "sex" talk. My comments are based more on Moxy starting to feel more for him than just a bed buddy. If she is developing feelings and he sees her as nothing more than FB, then will get hurt if things continue as they are. He is also showing signs of wanting more. I think it could be worth it to take the chance.


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I think you need to have a serious talk with him Moxy. If you just continue on your current path and he is not feeling anything, you are setting yourself up for a big fall.
> 
> Personally I suspect he is feeling more for you than you realize. But you keep sending mixed signals. Remember all the complaints on here about people sending mixed signals?



You make some very good points. 

I hear you. It's possible that I'm sending mixed signals, though I don't mean to be frustrating, it's just that I don't want to be overly available if this is only casual and I really don't know how I feel, yet. He sends a lot of mixed signals, too. I think he may not know what he wants and may be trying to figure it out. Same goes for me, but maybe more for him. I'm only now starting to move on past my failed marriage and quite uncertain about anything; life is in serious transition for me. More so for him for a number of reasons; he's younger than me, he's recently returned home from war and is trying to fit back in to civilian life and find a path for his life, he's balancing school and work and looking for a direction that makes him happy, so he's in all kinds of transition himself, I think. I suspect that he's testing me a little at a time to see if I'm emotionally invested or not, if I'm going to flake on him when things are inconvenient, if he feels something for me in those moments. I also think he's not entirely sure how he feels about me and whether he just wants to have fun while keeping me at arm's length or just intends to be nebulous in general. He doesn't go out of his way to make me feel special, for instance, which is what I'd expect from a person in love, but he's responsive if I ask for something or say something, first. If his actions were more consistent, I wouldn't mind saying something, but...they're detached, too, which is why I think it's just sex talk, in which I see positive signs because I'm now crushing on him. I would be okay with this not developing further, but I'd probably be happier if it did involve more emotion. 

He's not very...expressive with his feelings, kinda reserved; all the guys I've dated before have been very expressive about their feelings, very open, and so this is a whole different sort of experience because all his passion seems reserved for the bedroom and his non-sex demeanor is so calm and relaxed. He's not a drama queen. I don't know how to interact with that kind of dynamic. How would I have a talk with him: "hey, I think I really like you, do you feel the same?" Wouldn't that be awkward or ill-timed if we're both unsure? I don't think he planned to say what he did, that it just slipped out, and he's been quiet and not texting me really since then, so he can't be too invested, right? Thinking about all of this is kinda scary. I don't want to have the "so....what are we doing here?" talk just yet, I guess.  It's a little confusing for me, at this point, I guess. Or, I'm letting fear do the work. I suppose I'd feel better about moving to a different speed if he were the one initiating more depth overtly, which is why I'm reluctant to say anything just yet.


----------



## jpr

Yeah. I would probably accept it, Jelly. If you run into her in social situations, you don't want the pettiness to escalate.

...you can always filter your posts so that she can't see them.


That is crazy, though, that she is jealous about someone her husband briefly dated in high school.


----------



## jpr

Send him this, Moxy....










I think it explains things perfectly.


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> You make some very good points.
> 
> I hear you. It's possible that I'm sending mixed signals, though I don't mean to be frustrating, it's just that I don't want to be overly available if this is only casual and I really don't know how I feel, yet. He sends a lot of mixed signals, too. I think he may not know what he wants and may be trying to figure it out. Same goes for me, but maybe more for him. I'm only now starting to move on past my failed marriage and quite uncertain about anything; life is in serious transition for me. More so for him for a number of reasons; he's younger than me, he's recently returned home from war and is trying to fit back in to civilian life and find a path for his life, he's balancing school and work and looking for a direction that makes him happy, so he's in all kinds of transition himself, I think. I suspect that he's testing me a little at a time to see if I'm emotionally invested or not, if I'm going to flake on him when things are inconvenient, if he feels something for me in those moments. I also think he's not entirely sure how he feels about me and whether he just wants to have fun while keeping me at arm's length or just intends to be nebulous in general. He doesn't go out of his way to make me feel special, for instance, which is what I'd expect from a person in love, but he's responsive if I ask for something or say something, first. If his actions were more consistent, I wouldn't mind saying something, but...they're detached, too, which is why I think it's just sex talk, in which I see positive signs because I'm now crushing on him. I would be okay with this not developing further, but I'd probably be happier if it did involve more emotion.
> 
> He's not very...expressive with his feelings, kinda reserved; all the guys I've dated before have been very expressive about their feelings, very open, and so this is a whole different sort of experience because all his passion seems reserved for the bedroom and his non-sex demeanor is so calm and relaxed. He's not a drama queen. I don't know how to interact with that kind of dynamic. How would I have a talk with him: "hey, I think I really like you, do you feel the same?" Wouldn't that be awkward or ill-timed if we're both unsure? I don't think he planned to say what he did, that it just slipped out, and he's been quiet and not texting me really since then, so he can't be too invested, right? Thinking about all of this is kinda scary. I don't want to have the "so....what are we doing here?" talk just yet, I guess.  It's a little confusing for me, at this point, I guess. Or, I'm letting fear do the work. I suppose I'd feel better about moving to a different speed if he were the one initiating more depth overtly, which is why I'm reluctant to say anything just yet.


Do you two ever spend time together outside of the bedroom? If not, just start by asking him to have dinner with you, you know like an actual date? Maybe that will give you more clarity. Maybe all you two have is good sexual chemistry, in which case a relationship wouldn't work anyhow. Just try spending some time together doing none sexual things and see how things go.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> So I'd like your opinion everyone...
> 
> One of my good friends' (GF) families had a BBQ this weekend, which I went to. I used to date GF's brother, we'll call him B (in high school) very briefly and see him every blue moon now, whenever their family invites me to a party. I've been friends with this family for about 20 yrs now and GF & B's parents love me. B was there was his wife M, who I can tell doesn't like me based on her body language. She has always been weird towards me and made a point not to say Hi to me at all and when we were all sitting together, she told B to go to another table. Anyway I left soon thereafter and said Goodbye to her (because why be petty)? And now she has friend-requested me on Facebook. We are not friends, we are mere acquaintances. My feeling is she is only doing this to keep tabs on me or check up on me. B and I literally have no contact outside of very few of their family events I see him at. He goes out of his way to be as "friend"-like as possible with me to the point where it is weird.
> 
> So, am I going to look like a b*tch i I don't accept her friend request?


Accept it, but then put her in your restricted list. That way she can only see what you make public, and if you are like me about FB, I dont make ANYTHING public, friends only.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> That's a tough one. I think you almost have to accept. If you don't the pettiness will probably increase.





jpr said:


> Yeah. I would probably accept it, Jelly. If you run into her in social situations, you don't want the pettiness to escalate.





3Xnocharm said:


> Accept it, but then put her in your restricted list.


Meh. It's not my fault if she is petty or chooses to act pettier, you know? 

I don't feel like I should "have" to be friends with anyone simply because they friend-requested me on a website. But I do think she will prob think I'm being unkind if I don't accept. Still, she goes out of her way not to talk to me when she sees me so it's weird that she wants to be my "friend" online all of a sudden.



3Xnocharm said:


> That way she can only see what you make public


Like you, I don't make anything public on FB, 3x. Lol.


----------



## jpr

If I had a super-power, it would be the ability to make everyone's Facebook profile public.

That way I could Facebook stalk the entire universe!.......Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!issed:


No. 

Really....I think I would rather my super-power be invisibility. That would be a much more effective way of getting into people's business.




.....no. really. 

On third thought, the ability to spy on people would probably lead to more problems in life. I think I would like my super-power to be the ability to fly. Flying is cool...and not as creepy as being invisible.


----------



## moxy

JPR -- it's been about five months and we hang out at home or in bed, but have talked about maybe going out somewhere sometime. He takes his time when he acts on something. Like, he asked me out way after we'd met, but when we got together he confessed that he'd been lusting after me since the first time he saw me; I don't even remember when that was, but he remembered what I was wearing and what turned him on about it. I remember wondering why he waited so long to ask me out and why he did it just before taking a long distance work trip, so there'd be a few days before we got around to a date -- time to adjust or to let the awkwardness wear off if not.

Muskrat -- Our conversation has changed from just appreciation to longing (initiated by him). He does seem to want to know what I'm thinking more often, tries to read my expression or intention more often, looks for validation of my feelings or queries my thoughts (both in the moment and about life). I've noticed that shift very slowly. We hang out at home; occasionally on the grounds of the apartment, but we have not ever gone on a date in public; he's mentioned wanting to sometime and I suggested a place someday and he said yes to that, but we haven't actually gone anywhere yet.

Jellybeans -- she's keeping tabs on you. She doesn't trust her h around you or you around her h. If you add her in FB and she sees that you're no threat, she will probably back off and be nicer and less petty. However, if you don't add her back, the pettiness will likely go up as she will assume you've got something to hide; that's my guess. 

Would it bother you to add her? If so, then don't. If there's no harm in it, then consider it. You can always de-friend her later if it gets weird. Don't feel obligated to add her. I've often waited weeks to accept or reject friend requests. You could also just do nothing with her request at all. Not adding will be seen as btchy, in this context because you're her h's ex who is still on friendly terms with him in her mind.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I was careful to avoid saying it. I don't think there's a risk of me leading him on; I'm genuinely not going out w anyone else and I'd stop talking or flirting with others if Guy wanted to express a desire to actually date beyond just do this casual thing. I wonder if he was testing the waters a bit with his questions.
> 
> The worry is that I actually fear that it's the other way around; I mean, I think that maybe I like him more than he likes me and so I've got a lot of walls up, but also, hearing that statement kinda made me hopeful and excited despite myself. At the same time, he may like me but behave in an aloof manner because of my behavior, so that maybe that was something he felt he needed to hear from me because I'm not being clear about my feelings, or it could just be sex talk.
> 
> I don't think it's a good idea to trust things said during sex, usually...not on the surface, anyway. I suspect that I like him more than he likes me; it started out differently and now I think I care and he just likes banging me. Of course, I can't be sure. This post, for instance, is the opposite of my previous one. What I mean to say is that...I'm not afraid that he meant it, but frightened by the idea that I kinda wish maybe he did. Eh...I don't know if that makes any sense. I'm in a weird headspace.


Level with him on where you are at and what your expectations are for now. That's what I did with Syrian when she and I talked last night. I feel a lot better.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Don't accept the friend request, you're not friends and she's not someone you want on there anyways.

If she has a problem with it. Tough.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Last night: date night; yay. So, Guy and I are at like freaky porn stars and talking up a filthy storm when, out of nowhere, he says, "tell me you love me". For a second, I froze; I like this guy more every time we see each other (despite some of his douchey behavior and some of my own douchey behavior, which I've done to keep myself from developing feelings too fast, but it happened anyway); then, I countered with an "I love your ...(naughty words here)." and he ran with that. I suppose it was a good save, because one doesn't say things of that gravity in the middle of wild, licentious acts of indecency, but part of me wishes I hadn't turned it from sweet to slvtty, yet again. I always do this; why? I call what we do fvcking or hanging out; he calls it making love and cuddling. I never tell him that I'm all kinds of hot for him and until recently, I'd never spent the night or let go of control. I want to give in to that sweetness in his approach to whatever this is, but I'm too afraid to be that vulnerable. I don't know how he feels about me, really, but I know he likes banging me; well, I know a little of what he thinks of me, just not whether his feelings are on the same book jacket/page/blog roll or not. I don't mind telling him I miss him; he does the same. He used to just ask me if my various and sundry body parts belonged to him, usually in conjunction with some variation of asking about exclusivity during fun times, but yesterday, he started referring to me as "My Moxy" (obviously, he used my real life name). I chalked it up to sex talk, but secretly hoped otherwise. Logic says this is just part of the game that is sex and dating in our culture today, but those blurry lines make emotions confusing. I'm grinning like a fool today and so tempted to text him just to say I had fun and am thinking of him, but I don't want to be clingy and lacking in dignity or to destroy the chance to see him again by being clingy; I never assume there will be a next time, but I always hope for it. This date was more emotional in its entirety than we usually are. So, I'm happy, confused, and feigning detached bravado despite my silly crush and surprised to say that none of the other guys I've been talking to interest me enough to draw my attention away from this boy and this fling. Ugh. Feelings. Maybe by tonight, I'll be more sane. Off to work I go for the day....


I actually got wood reading this. Moxy you should be an erotic author. 

You know Ann Rice the author of the Vampire Diaries? Have you ever read her erotic fiction? It's good stuff. She went by Ann Rampling. Why I mention that I have no clue.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> So I'd like your opinion everyone...
> 
> One of my good friends' (GF) families had a BBQ this weekend, which I went to. I used to date GF's brother, we'll call him B (in high school) very briefly and see him every blue moon now, whenever their family invites me to a party. I've been friends with this family for about 20 yrs now and GF & B's parents love me. B was there was his wife M, who I can tell doesn't like me based on her body language. She has always been weird towards me and made a point not to say Hi to me at all and when we were all sitting together, she told B to go to another table. Anyway I left soon thereafter and said Goodbye to her (because why be petty)? And now she has friend-requested me on Facebook. We are not friends, we are mere acquaintances. My feeling is she is only doing this to keep tabs on me or check up on me. B and I literally have no contact outside of very few of their family events I see him at. He goes out of his way to be as "friend"-like as possible with me to the point where it is weird.
> 
> So, am I going to look like a b*tch i I don't accept her friend request?


Hide your pet rabbits and stewpots.


----------



## Jellybeans

Moxy- I guess the question is: do you want more from him? More from the relationship? Or are you happy as-is? How did you meet him? I still think discussing how you feel will be good. Or you could just ride it out. Up to you.



moxy said:


> Would it bother you to add her?


Yes. Because I am super persnickety about who I add to my Facebook page.

In time, my mind may change but right now I feel as if she just wants to read up on me. Granted, I'm not a daily poster but I am really weird about who I share my life with online. I'm not one to publicize everything I do to everyone.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> If any of us are to ever experience a meaningful relationship again, at some point we have to let ourselves be vulnerable. It is a great risk, but it also opens the door to great rewards.
> 
> As long as we allow our fears to control us, all we will ever have is superficial relationships. So we just have to weigh the risk against the reward and make an educated decision.


It is so strange, I feel as if my 14 year marriage was never real. I feel as if I had a superficial relationship. I will try to explain why: because he always hid his true self from me, he always lied, manipulated, and I was too stupid to see him as he is.

That leaves me not knowning what true love is, I thought I had true love with ex. Perhaps, I loved the person I married, but I hate the person he is.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yes. Because I am super persnickety about who I add to my Facebook page.
> 
> In time, my mind may change but right now I feel as if she just wants to read up on me. Granted, I'm not a daily poster but I am really weird about who I share my life with online. I'm not one to publicize everything I do to everyone.


Don't add her.
20 years is a long time ago. However, if H is your friend on FB, you should unfriend him.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Don't accept the friend request, you're not friends and she's not someone you want on there anyways.
> 
> If she has a problem with it. Tough.





Jellybeans said:


> Yes. Because I am super persnickety about who I add to my Facebook page.
> 
> In time, my mind may change but right now I feel as if she just wants to read up on me. Granted, I'm not a daily poster but I am really weird about who I share my life with online. I'm not one to publicize everything I do to everyone.


Looking at how you feel, you should take UPs advice....

I mean why add someone to FB that seems to have a problem with you? If she is already feeling threatened, she may feel more threatened after learning more about you.


----------



## jpr

I am a conflict-avoider. That is why I would not have a problem friending her. Ultimately, I wouldn't really care if she was my FB friend or not. If it would make her feel better, then I would just do it. But, I am not that particular about that stuff. I just don't care that much about it.


But, Jelly, if that is not you...then, follow Up's advice and don't do it. After reading your point of view, I can see why you would have a problem with it.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> It is so strange, I feel as if my 14 year marriage was never real. I feel as if I had a superficial relationship. I will try to explain why: because he always hid his true self from me, he always lied, manipulated, and I was too stupid to see him as he is.
> 
> That leaves me not knowning what true love is, I thought I had true love with ex. Perhaps, I loved the person I married, but I hate the person he is.


Yeah but you want the cold hard truth? We all hide stuff from each other. Especially married people.


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> I am a conflict-avoider. That is why I would not have a problem friending her. Ultimately, I wouldn't really care if she was my FB friend or not. If it would make her feel better, then I would just do it. But, I am not that particular about that stuff. I just don't care that much about it.
> 
> 
> But, Jelly, if that is not you...then, follow Up's advice and don't do it. After reading your point of view, I can see why you would have a problem with it.


I'll unfriend her if you want. I'll do a good job of it too. :FIREdevil:


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but you want the cold hard truth? We all hide stuff from each other. Especially married people.


yes
I have a tendency to see life as black and white, but there are many shades in between that I must explore. My therapist totally nailed that on the first day!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I mean that many people really are afraid of being clingy and so sometimes behave in ways that make them seem more detached than they genuinely feel themselves to be...as in, that really is a recognized thing that some people sometimes do.


I do this. With everyone in my life. My attachment style is totally disorganized. _*Thanks, Mom.*_

I'm working on it.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Don't add her.
> 20 years is a long time ago. However, if H is your friend on FB, you should unfriend him.


He and I aren't even friends online! She has one of those "Couple" accounts with both of their names, example "Mary and John Smith" though I believe she is the ony one who uses it.



vi_bride04 said:


> Looking at how you feel, you should take UPs advice....
> 
> I mean why add someone to FB that seems to have a problem with you? If she is already feeling threatened, she may feel more threatened after learning more about you.


Ooh. I had not even considered that. Yeah, not adding.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> I actually got wood reading this. Moxy you should be an erotic author.
> 
> You know Ann Rice the author of the Vampire Diaries? Have you ever read her erotic fiction? It's good stuff. She went by Ann Rampling. Why I mention that I have no clue.


She also used A.N. Roquelaure. She wrote a version of Sleeping Beauty that's all about the BDSM. Good stuff


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> She also used A.N. Roquelaure. She wrote a version of Sleeping Beauty that's all about the BDSM. Good stuff


I love her prose. Definitely one of the most elegant writers of her time.

Look at her writing and compare it to that hack who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey. No comparison. I can't believe people waste their time reading that book. I read the first five pages and thought "Oh so now any 13 year old illiterate inner city school kid can publish erotica huh?" I literally laughed as I read it.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I love her prose. Definitely one of the most elegant writers of her time.
> 
> Look at her writing and compare it to that hack who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey. No comparison. I can't believe people waste their time reading that book. I read the first five pages and thought "Oh so now any 13 year old illiterate inner city school kid can publish erotica huh?" I literally laughed as I read it.


I could not read past the page three. 
My niece even gifted me the set, but I could not read it.


On related news!! I AM SO IN LOVE with love, I feel so strange today.


What the hell is this? Did you all went through this after divorce? I seriously feel like crying, laughing, yelling, punching someone in the face, falling in love, running away, hiding......

So many feelings inside I am about to become a supernova!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> *It is so strange, I feel as if my 14 year marriage was never real. I feel as if I had a superficial relationship. I will try to explain why: because he always hid his true self from me, he always lied, manipulated, and I was too stupid to see him as he is.*
> 
> That leaves me not knowning what true love is, I thought I had true love with ex. Perhaps, I loved the person I married, but I hate the person he is.


I feel this way, too... I was in love with a person who DIDN'T EXIST. He pretended to be something completely different than who he really was, and that's who I fell in love with. Not the actual man that I married; the actual man that I married is pretty abhorrent, to tell the truth.

Funny thing was, while we were dating (we'd been together for about a year), one of our mutual (male) acquaintances (who had worked as a line cook/kitchen manager, under my XH) came up to me and said, "Why are you with him? I don't get it. I honestly don't understand what a woman like you would see in a man like him." I laughed it off at the time, thinking this mutual acquaintance only knew my XH as a supervisor, while I knew my XH as a _person_. I know now that I should have listened and considered what this mutual acquaintance was saying.



bandit.45 said:


> Yeah but you want the cold hard truth? We all hide stuff from each other. Especially married people.


This may be true, but I think it's a little different than what NE and I are talking about.


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> What the hell is this? Did you all went through this after divorce? I seriously feel like crying, laughing, yelling, punching someone in the face, falling in love, running away, hiding......
> 
> So many feelings inside I am about to become a supernova!!!


PMS?? :scratchhead:


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I could not read past the page three.
> My niece even gifted me the set, but I could not read it.
> 
> 
> On related news!! I AM SO IN LOVE with love, I feel so strange today.
> 
> 
> What the hell is this? Did you all went through this after divorce? I seriously feel like crying, laughing, yelling, punching someone in the face, falling in love, running away, hiding......
> 
> So many feelings inside I am about to become a supernova!!!


Draw up a sign "Free Hugs!", find a nice busy street corner in a safe part of town and go to it!


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> PMS?? :scratchhead:


well, not exactly. I am on my period.



bandit.45 said:


> Draw up a sign "Free Hugs!", find a nice busy street corner in a safe part of town and go to it!


THis is actually a great idea. I shall do this one day!!!!


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> I feel this way, too... I was in love with a person who DIDN'T EXIST. He pretended to be something completely different than who he really was, and that's who I fell in love with. Not the actual man that I married; the actual man that I married is pretty abhorrent, to tell the truth.
> 
> Funny thing was, while we were dating (we'd been together for about a year), one of our mutual (male) acquaintances (who had worked as a line cook/kitchen manager, under my XH) came up to me and said, "Why are you with him? I don't get it. I honestly don't understand what a woman like you would see in a man like him." I laughed it off at the time, thinking this mutual acquaintance only knew my XH as a supervisor, while I knew my XH as a _person_. I know now that I should have listened and considered what this mutual acquaintance was saying.
> 
> This may be true, but I think it's a little different than what NE and I are talking about.


I think it's the idea of roles. We play a role when we marry. That's why marriage destroys romance, destroys love and why I no longer believe in it anymore. I want a girlfriend not a wife. I want to be a boyfriend not a husband. 

Some fvcked up women withhold the good freaky sex from their husbands because it conflicts with their role as the good wife. Men stop courting their wives and helping them because that does not fit in with the breadwinner come-home-and -kick -your -feet -up role of husband. 

Just my rant.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I could not read past the page three.
> My niece even gifted me the set, but I could not read it.
> 
> 
> On related news!! I AM SO IN LOVE with love, I feel so strange today.
> 
> 
> What the hell is this? Did you all went through this after divorce? I seriously feel like crying, laughing, yelling, punching someone in the face, falling in love, running away, hiding......
> 
> So many feelings inside I am about to become a supernova!!!


I feel everything more intensely now, so I know exactly what you leave. For me, I spent the last few years of my marriage tamping down all my emotions, keeping myself numb to protect myself from further damage; a coping mechanism I learned in childhood from my parents, who wouldn't let me express any "negative" emotion. 

After my XH moved out, I slowly began to unravel these things and allow myself to really FEEL again, which on one hand was awesome (happiness! pride in accomplishments! Etc!), but the "negatives" are very hard to deal with. I've never learned how to process or deal with these "negative" emotions, so it's like being a toddler again, trying to navigate all these ups and downs.

On the positive side, I'm learning how to identify WHAT I'm feeling and WHY I'm feeling it, so I can better address it. But I sometimes cry at the drop of a freaking hat these days. I'm healing, but I'm still very vulnerable. Which is OK; it's another feeling I've never before acknowledged, and I need to learn about this, too.

Baby steps  .


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I feel everything more intensely now, so I know exactly what you leave. For me, *I spent the last few years of my marriage tamping down all my emotions, keeping myself numb to protect myself from further damage*; a coping mechanism I learned in childhood from my parents, who wouldn't let me express any "negative" emotion.
> 
> After my XH moved out, I slowly began to unravel these things and allow myself to really FEEL again, which on one hand was awesome (happiness! pride in accomplishments! Etc!), but the "negatives" are very hard to deal with. I've never learned how to process or deal with these "negative" *emotions, so it's like being a toddler again, trying to navigate all these ups and downs.*
> 
> On the positive side, I'm learning how to identify WHAT I'm feeling and WHY I'm feeling it, so I can better address it. But I sometimes cry at the drop of a freaking hat these days. I'm healing, but I'm still very vulnerable. Which is OK; it's another feeling I've never before acknowledged, and I need to learn about this, too.
> 
> Baby steps  .


baby steps, indeed.
You have a lot of insight that applies to my life. I was never physically abused by ex, but I feel as though I was emotionally suppressed and molded to fit his purposes.

He is a very henious person, I made the mistake of falling in love with such a despicable person because of my own boundaries. I hate him. 

Do you all remember how I always used to say "I will always love him..... he is such a great man... blah, blah, blah...."

I was a total fvcking fool who wasnt aware of the lies/secrets he kept. 
It is a good thing he "found" Jesus, because that piece of sh!t is singing all his dirty deeds to me....


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> *I think it's the idea of roles. We play a role when we marry. * That's why marriage destroys romance, destroys love and why I no longer believe in it anymore. I want a girlfriend not a wife. I want to be a boyfriend not a husband.
> 
> Some fvcked up women withhold the good freaky sex from their husbands because it conflicts with their role as the good wife. Men stop courting their wives and helping them because that does not fit in with the breadwinner come-home-and -kick -your -feet -up role of husband.
> 
> Just my rant.


If you just fall into those roles, sure, that could be a problem. But we have the ability to define our relationships--and marriages--the may that we choose. Here's nothing to say that we have to conform to these societal expectations, and we probably *shouldn't*--conforming to these roles seems to do nothing but make both people unhappy! 

If we take on these roles and then are unhappy, it's no one's fault but our own. No one HAS to be Mr. Breadwinner or Suzie Homemaker. Personally, I like cooking and nesting, but I'm no Suzy Homemaker. If I'm bringing home my own loaf of bread, I expect my partner to take on equal responsibility with the homemaking. (Or take me out to dinner on a regular basis.)


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I feel as if my 14 year marriage was never real. I feel as if I had a superficial relationship.
> 
> That leaves me not knowning what true love is, I thought I had true love with ex.


It sucks to feel that way. 14 years is a long time. You now have an opportunity to rediscover your options and possibilities. Take your time; love can be any number of marvelous things -- just look at literature to see that!



vi_bride04 said:


> I mean why add someone to FB that seems to have a problem with you?


YES!

If I were in your shoes, Jelly, in all honesty, I would simply ignore the request because adding her to my list would violate my safe space.



bandit.45 said:


> I'll unfriend her if you want. I'll do a good job of it too. :FIREdevil:


That firedevil took the sentence to a hilariously new level.



ne9907 said:


> yes
> I have a tendency to see life as black and white, but there are many shades in between that I must explore. My therapist totally nailed that on the first day!


Someone needs to make a "Fifty Shades of Grey" joke. 

OK. Innuendos aside, it's really good that you are recognizing your tendency to deal with absolutes and your need for more subtlety of expression in life! This awareness gives you something specific to work on developing in yourself.



FeministInPink said:


> I do this. With everyone in my life. My attachment style is totally disorganized.


Me, too!


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I actually got wood reading this. Moxy you should be an erotic author.
> 
> You know Ann Rice the author of the Vampire Diaries? Have you ever read her erotic fiction? It's good stuff. She went by Ann Rampling. Why I mention that I have no clue.


Why, thank you! That is a heck of a compliment.  

Yes, Anne Rice did a fine job with The Vampire Chronicles and her Mayfair Witches series was even sexier! (Of course, I dig all things dark and creepy, so I also like the sexy but more tame "Vampire Diaries"). I have not read her straight-up erotica, but as an unashamedly sex-obsessed literary nerd, I do know of her work and have read plenty of naughty books, myself. 

I write about sex and spirituality often in my work, though I have never expressly written erotica for public rather than personal uses; I think that doing so would be quite enjoyable -- so, maybe one of these days... 



Jellybeans said:


> Moxy- I guess the question is: do you want more from him? More from the relationship? Or are you happy as-is? How did you meet him? I still think discussing how you feel will be good. Or you could just ride it out. Up to you.


I'm not sure what I want, yet. 

I'm okay with just sex, but I want to have it with more certainty, I guess. Every time we get together, I have no expectation that it's ever going to happen again, even though it's still ongoing after 5 months, but do I really wanna sully the fun with "so, same time next week?" like a ho? No, I don't think so, because killing the spontaneity isn't great; what if the spontaneity is what's making it fun? I dislike routine, but he seems to like it. I let him initiate, mostly, but I almost never say no; I want to feel comfortable initiating things myself, but I have stopped feeling comfortable with that. When we first started getting together, I was in much more charge (hearing "Yes, sir" in bed when you're the chick in the situation? Mmm), but that has switched over time; maybe because I have started to maybe develop some sorta feelings....I didn't think I'd feel this way about him; he seemed like a safe bet because of our differences and because he's so different from the sort of guys I usually go out with. I assumed that, for him, it was just about sex, and went with it, but maybe was being douchey at the start, so I wouldn't get hurt; he asked me out on a date and I invited him over, etc. 

Would I like to date him? Yeah. Would I be okay with just keeping things as they are now? For a while, yes. However, if I knew he was into me and not just a convenient fun buddy, I would let some of my guard down and stop flirting with other dudes because none of them are appealing to me as much as this guy and that's complicated. 

I met him while he was walking his dog one day because his dog came over to me and wanted to play; he was my neighbor. 

I've been talking about it here a lot more lately because I'm trying to figure out my feelings before I act. Moving on from my ex is hard and painful; in some ways, I have done so, but I am a mess in other ways, still. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of feeling for someone else and getting hurt. I'm afraid of moving on, really; this is ridiculous, but true. After my ex, I fell apart; in order to get on with life, I sort of shut off all my feelings altogether for a while, but this thing I'm involved in has shaken me up because now, after years, I'm feeling things again instead of just being a stone. 



Jellybeans said:


> Yes. Because I am super persnickety about who I add to my Facebook page.
> 
> I am really weird about who I share my life with online. I'm not one to publicize everything I do to everyone.


Good reasons not to add her!



FeministInPink said:


> I do this. With everyone in my life. My attachment style is totally disorganized.


Me, too! How do you determine your attachment style?


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> She has one of those "Couple" accounts with both of their names, example "Mary and John Smith" though I believe she is the ony one who uses it.


Ewwwww. I understand the reasons for this; however, I am bothered by how codependent it seems to do this to one's social media identity.


----------



## Jellybeans

Me, too, Moxy. Me, too!


----------



## vi_bride04

So my gf who was super clingy with me last summer after kicking her gay exH out of the house met a bf shortly after and pretty much fell off the face of the earth since. 

Now her and said bf have broken up and she is back being a stage 5 when she doesn't have her kids. 

She has not gotten the "spend time by yourself" thing down very well. 

She is not one to take any type of criticism or what she would consider criticism very well. Me telling her "you really need to spend your alone time by yourself and not with me" would not go over at all. I have dropped hints for her to pick up some of her hobbies but who knows if she will put it in action.

Anyways, any ideas on how I can make detaching easier for her? I am seriously her only friend she can call to hangout with on a regular basis. I have been making myself as unavailable as I can or at least making sure I stick to my plans for myself before spending time with her. 

This whole situation with her makes me want to start dating again just so I don't have as much free time. 

I know I should just be upfront with her, but really, I'm not going to do that.


----------



## moxy

vi, that is a tough situation. On the one hand, you want to be a good friend; on the other, you don't want to enable her codependency, nor do you want to make yourself her crutch at the expense of your own life.

It sounds like she doesn't realize that she is being so intense and that she needs to chill out. Your strategy -- making sure that you stick to your plans before dealing with her needs for support, while still being supportive insofar as it doesn't take over your life -- sounds like a good one. 

The thing I keep telling myself as I recover from my own codependent/enabler behavior, like a refrain, is that line from the flight attendants' safety speeches: "Please, secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others".

Can you possibly give her a book to read? Something that will address her issues, I mean, and maybe tell her it was something that you found really interesting which is why you're telling her about it.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm not sure what I want, yet.
> 
> I'm okay with just sex, but I want to have it with more certainty, I guess. Every time we get together, I have no expectation that it's ever going to happen again, but do I really wanna sully the fun with "so, same time next week?"


Word! 
You put in words exactly how I feel, but cannot express. I normally just say "see you later"

his roommate was weird yesterday, I got up, put on my uniform and was about to leave when roommate says "did you make breakfast?"
I simply laughed and told him "good one!" as in that is a great joke!

Back to listening to music and work!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Vi - can you develop some additional mutual friends? I had/have one who has only a few friends and can be a bit negative so when she met another single Mom at a place where our kids go, I started inviting her along, too. Now we do things just the two of us sometimes but other times she asks just the other lady. And sometimes it's still just us three but it added another dimension which was nice.

You could also talk more about your other friends and ask her about hers. When she asks you to go you can tell her you are busy "but how about Mary? I bet she would go..." and redirect her to other friends. Or just invite one of YOUR friends along as a buffer.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Me, too! How do you determine your attachment style?


There are a lot of resources online. I took like 5 or 6 self-assessment exams (serious ones, not like the BS quizzes you might find in a magazine like Cosmo), and the results were all very consistent. The challenge is to make sure you respond truthfully--the way you really act--and not answer with what you know is the "right" or "healthy" answer. Because I know what the "right" answer is, and I know what I should do, but in practice, it all goes right out the window.

There's one here that I thought was pretty thorough.

I consistently get (mild) disorganized/disoriented attachment; I've done some research, and it seems to apply to me, especially when considered in the context of my relationship with my mother and the way I was raised.

It's compelled me to take a closer look at myself and the way I react to others, and work towards something healthier.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Vi. It's called boundaries. She won't learn if you're bailing her out all the time.


----------



## angstire

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll just leave this here (NSFW)
> 
> Who's ****ing: Josh and Debra - YouTube


Hilarious! Take that Match.com


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I know what I should do, but in practice, it all goes right out the window.
> 
> There's one here that I thought was pretty thorough.
> 
> I consistently get (mild) disorganized/disoriented attachment; I've done some research, and it seems to apply to me, especially when considered in the context of my relationship with my mother and the way I was raised.
> 
> It's compelled me to take a closer look at myself and the way I react to others, and work towards something healthier.


Thank you for this link and for bringing up the issue. The quiz tells me I'm fearfully avoidant. So, apparently I must think "Oh, no; no one is ever really going to love me and I better run away from attachment." Sadly, I suspect that this might be accurate. I have tons of acquaintances, but I don't truly let anyone into my cardiac vessel. I don't count on anyone. Plenty of people have called me some version of ice or stone for shutting down when they want more of me than I'm willing to give; until I think it becomes a demand or expectation, I'll give it all as a gift -- as soon as my energy becomes an obligation or something that's taken for granted, I'm out the door without a backward glance. When I allow myself to be attached to someone for-realsies, there's not a thing I won't give...so, because I lack the ability to maintain boundaries in love, I avoid accepting it into my life. My exh taught me that it was right to not trust; he deceived me completely, won my trust after a long chase and then devastated me with his betrayal once he caught me.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Vi. It's called boundaries. She won't learn if you're bailing her out all the time.


But I'm not. I don't just drop everything whenever she calls anymore. I don't respond to texts right away. We do have alot of mutual friends but she isn't close enough with them to call up to hang out on her own. So guess they are more my friends. 

I have no idea how to put up boundaries. Thats my whole problem. She does not respond to them - at least the ones I've tried to put up. And I am not going to get into a confrontational match with her. So I just ignore vs saying no. 

Yes I'm being a conflict avoider.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Be direct and express yourself.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> There are a lot of resources online. I took like 5 or 6 self-assessment exams (serious ones, not like the BS quizzes you might find in a magazine like Cosmo), and the results were all very consistent. The challenge is to make sure you respond truthfully--the way you really act--and not answer with what you know is the "right" or "healthy" answer. Because I know what the "right" answer is, and I know what I should do, but in practice, it all goes right out the window.
> 
> There's one here that I thought was pretty thorough.
> 
> I consistently get (mild) disorganized/disoriented attachment; I've done some research, and it seems to apply to me, especially when considered in the context of my relationship with my mother and the way I was raised.
> 
> It's compelled me to take a closer look at myself and the way I react to others, and work towards something healthier.


I took it:

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the *preoccupied* region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> There are a lot of resources online. I took like 5 or 6 self-assessment exams (serious ones, not like the BS quizzes you might find in a magazine like Cosmo), and the results were all very consistent. The challenge is to make sure you respond truthfully--the way you really act--and not answer with what you know is the "right" or "healthy" answer. Because I know what the "right" answer is, and I know what I should do, but in practice, it all goes right out the window.
> 
> There's one here that I thought was pretty thorough.
> 
> I consistently get (mild) disorganized/disoriented attachment; I've done some research, and it seems to apply to me, especially when considered in the context of my relationship with my mother and the way I was raised.
> 
> It's compelled me to take a closer look at myself and the way I react to others, and work towards something healthier.


I took the quiz and this is my result:

*Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.*

which I am afraid to admit, but it is spot on


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm about 1/3 out on the 'secure' axis, neither anxious or unattached but not way out in the 'zone'.

Vi, one thing you can do with your friend is narrative construction about normalized expectations. You go out for coffee and you say to her things like, so, have you taken yourself anywhere interesting lately? Did you check out such and such shop? Or, I went to get my hair done and then took myself for a walk down along that park by the river, it was so relaxing. It seems a lot of people go there solo walking. Or, I took the bus into the city and went on one of those tours, you know the ones where... or I went on a guided horseback ride, or whatever last week. I just love riding horses (or whatever.) Or I went to see (whatever movie) at the matinee last week. Those Tuesday matinees are so much fun, loads of people go just to get out of the heat or escape from the rain. 

Not all at once, but let her see into your life and the lives of others who do things by themselves. Do not make it the sole conversational topic. Just make it seem NORMAL. 

Your friend seems like she thinks the only acceptable normal is being partnered, or if partnered never spending any time by herself. By conversational construction, you can change what "normal" is. 

Normal is sometimes doing things by yourself that you enjoy. Because you enjoy them.

It's a subtle thing but it will gradually occur to her when she thinks of a fun thing she wants to do, that she can make a date with herself and do it.

And sometimes when she wants to get together, don't respond to text. Later you can say, sorry, I was at a movie (or wherever). If she asks who you went with, say, myself of course!


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> I took it:
> 
> Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the *preoccupied* region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.


I am this as well. I found it hard to take the quiz as I am not sure how I will be in a romantic relationship. I feel alot of the questions are things I have worked on the past 2 years. 

But then again, I haven't been in a real relationship since leaving my ex so who the hell knows how I am. This does fit past patterns in my relationships though.


----------



## bandit.45

I fell in love a year and a half ago and got my heart smashed. 

Every time I talk to Syrian that memory comes on me like a dark cloud.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> I fell in love a year and a half ago and got my heart smashed.
> 
> Every time I talk to Syrian that memory comes on me like a dark cloud.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Try and remind yourself that it wasn't her. Try to dispel the clouds with memories of your interactions with her instead of your past when you notice that memory of heartbreak approaching.

Did your conversation with her go well?


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Be direct and express yourself.


This will not work with her and the dynamics of her personality. I know I need not care about the reactions of others, but I'm not going to create a high conflict situation that will make group activities uncomfortable. I have already done that with one gf of the group and I don't want to do that with her. 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Vi, one thing you can do with your friend is narrative construction about normalized expectations. You go out for coffee and you say to her things like, so, have you taken yourself anywhere interesting lately? Did you check out such and such shop? Or, I went to get my hair done and then took myself for a walk down along that park by the river, it was so relaxing. It seems a lot of people go there solo walking. Or, I took the bus into the city and went on one of those tours, you know the ones where... or I went on a guided horseback ride, or whatever last week. I just love riding horses (or whatever.) Or I went to see (whatever movie) at the matinee last week. Those Tuesday matinees are so much fun, loads of people go just to get out of the heat or escape from the rain.
> 
> Not all at once, but let her see into your life and the lives of others who do things by themselves. Do not make it the sole conversational topic. Just make it seem NORMAL.
> 
> Your friend seems like she thinks the only acceptable normal is being partnered, or if partnered never spending any time by herself. By conversational construction, you can change what "normal" is.
> 
> Normal is sometimes doing things by yourself that you enjoy. Because you enjoy them.
> 
> It's a subtle thing but it will gradually occur to her when she thinks of a fun thing she wants to do, that she can make a date with herself and do it.
> 
> And sometimes when she wants to get together, don't respond to text. Later you can say, sorry, I was at a movie (or wherever). If she asks who you went with, say, myself of course!


HNU - this is the approach I have been trying lately. It will take quite a bit of time as she does NOTHING by herself. Nothing. I mean she even constantly asks me to go grocery shopping with her. 

I'm just trying to nip this in the butt before it gets out of control like last summer. In the past 10 days I have hung out with her 6 times. She calls daily and I actually just got a text from her while writing this.


----------



## COGypsy

FeministInPink said:


> There are a lot of resources online. I took like 5 or 6 self-assessment exams (serious ones, not like the BS quizzes you might find in a magazine like Cosmo), and the results were all very consistent. The challenge is to make sure you respond truthfully--the way you really act--and not answer with what you know is the "right" or "healthy" answer. Because I know what the "right" answer is, and I know what I should do, but in practice, it all goes right out the window.
> 
> There's one here that I thought was pretty thorough.
> 
> I consistently get (mild) disorganized/disoriented attachment; I've done some research, and it seems to apply to me, especially when considered in the context of my relationship with my mother and the way I was raised.
> 
> It's compelled me to take a closer look at myself and the way I react to others, and work towards something healthier.


That was an interesting quiz. I also things it's interesting that no one so far seems very surprised by their results. 

I got:
Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the *dismissing* region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

Not really sure what to make of that....


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> This will not work with her and the dynamics of her personality. I know I need not care about the reactions of others, but I'm not going to create a high conflict situation that will make group activities uncomfortable. I have already done that with one gf of the group and I don't want to do that with her.
> 
> 
> 
> HNU - this is the approach I have been trying lately. It will take quite a bit of time as she does NOTHING by herself. Nothing. I mean she even constantly asks me to go grocery shopping with her.
> 
> I'm just trying to nip this in the butt before it gets out of control like last summer. In the past 10 days I have hung out with her 6 times. She calls daily and I actually just got a text from her while writing this.


You have to tell her, you need more space in order to be able to enjoy having a friendship with her. If she can't accommodate your needs, in return for you accommodating her, that's not fair, and you should tell her so. If she ever recovers from her dependencies, she will blame you for not setting boundaries and helping her recover more quickly...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You have to tell her, you need more space in order to be able to enjoy having a friendship with her. If she can't accommodate your needs, in return for you accommodating her, that's not fair, and you should tell her so. If she ever recovers from her dependencies, she will blame you for not setting boundaries and helping her recover more quickly...


Haha. The last part is golden.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Try and remind yourself that it wasn't her. Try to dispel the clouds with memories of your interactions with her instead of your past when you notice that memory of heartbreak approaching.
> 
> Did your conversation with her go well?


Yeah. We're going to hook up when I get back to Phoenix. We'll take it slow when she's not busy raping me.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You have to tell her, you need more space in order to be able to enjoy having a friendship with her. If she can't accommodate your needs, in return for you accommodating her, that's not fair, and you should tell her so. If she ever recovers from her dependencies, she will blame you for not setting boundaries and helping her recover more quickly...


Do you remember those girls in high school, the little duos who always walked around together... One would be clumsy and pudgy and the other beautiful and outgoing. They were best friends but the unnatractive one was always trying to be like her friend, to the point where she became obsessed with a sort of love hate relationship with the pretty girl? 

It always creeped me out. That's how I feel about this one.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. We're going to hook up when I get back to Phoenix. We'll take it slow when she's not busy raping me.


I noticed a patter with some of us here; we are going back to a previous "relationship" even thought it ended before.
Why do you suppose we do this?

Unfinished business? we really like the person? we are afraid we will not find anyone else?


----------



## FeministInPink

COGypsy said:


> *That was an interesting quiz. I also things it's interesting that no one so far seems very surprised by their results. *
> 
> I got:
> Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the *dismissing* region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.
> 
> Not really sure what to make of that....


I'll have to take it again so I can post my results. No time to do so right now.

I certainly wasn't surprised by my results. I think we all, on some level, recognize what's wrong with us. But many times, you need to be able to define a problem before you can begin to work out how to solve it. So, in that way, this is a good starting point.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Don't add her.
> 20 years is a long time ago. However, if H is your friend on FB, you should unfriend him.





vi_bride04 said:


> Looking at how you feel, you should take UPs advice....
> 
> I mean why add someone to FB that seems to have a problem with you? If she is already feeling threatened, she may feel more threatened after learning more about you.





jpr said:


> I am a conflict-avoider. That is why I would not have a problem friending her. Ultimately, I wouldn't really care if she was my FB friend or not. If it would make her feel better, then I would just do it. But, I am not that particular about that stuff. I just don't care that much about it.
> 
> 
> But, Jelly, if that is not you...then, follow Up's advice and don't do it. After reading your point of view, I can see why you would have a problem with it.


Remember Jelly if it is not a Fvck Yes! it is a no


----------



## RandomDude

Garry2012 said:


> So...what to make of this:
> 
> Went on three dates with a woman. First date, hug...ok. Second date....I got a peck. *Third date....hug. *Yet she continues to text me...and I am prettty sure she would accept another date if I asked...but I have to say...I have serious concerns. I think she is attracted to me..but based on the evidence above....has shown zero signs. Thoughts?


You've lost momentum and may have got yourself into the friend zone. To be safe, next time show abit more initiative. Regardless, close in for the kill next date - no exceptions.

Unless she stops you, put your foot down on the green light bro


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I noticed a patter with some of us here; we are going back to a previous "relationship" even thought it ended before.
> Why do you suppose we do this?
> 
> Unfinished business? we really like the person? we are afraid we will not find anyone else?


I can only speak for myself. Syrian is a hellcat in bed.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I took it:
> 
> Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the *preoccupied* region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.


Me too...preoccupied

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 4.00, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> You've lost momentum and may have got yourself into the friend zone. To be safe, next time show abit more initiative. Regardless, close in for the kill next date - no exceptions.
> 
> Unless she stops you, put your foot down on the green light bro


You may not be in the friend-zone. Maybe you can try to kiss her the next time you go out? 



bandit.45 said:


> I can only speak for myself. Syrian is a hellcat in bed.


"hellcat" ? That is effing awesome! Yay!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Unfinished business? we really like the person? we are afraid we will not find anyone else?


The drama with my exh and my foo mangled my already warped heart. I'm so not over the issues that were raised in that devastation that I sometimes feel like a ghost of myself. I used to be confident and secure and hopeful; now I pretend to be those things, but secretly fear that life will all come crashing down around me again. What I felt for my exh eclipsed me entirely; I don't think I ever want to be at anyone's mercy like that, again. That fear makes me reluctant to open up to anyone. I chose to move on with a partner who was very different and with whom I could avoid attachment, only to find that I actually want it. I think many of us have patterns of behavior that are cultivated by problematic family relationships that were never really resolved and that are compounded by troubled romantic partnerships that buckled under the weight of their dysfunction. Patterns of weird behavior understandably emerge. That's what I think.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> The drama with my exh and my foo mangled my already warped heart. I'm so not over the issues that were raised in that devastation that I sometimes feel like a ghost of myself. I used to be confident and secure and hopeful; now I pretend to be those things, but secretly fear that life will all come crashing down around me again. What I felt for my exh eclipsed me entirely; I don't think I ever want to be at anyone's mercy like that, again. That fear makes me reluctant to open up to anyone. I chose to move on with a partner who was very different and with whom I could avoid attachment, only to find that I actually want it. I think many of us have patterns of behavior that are cultivated by problematic family relationships that were never really resolved and that are compounded by troubled romantic partnerships that buckled under the weight of their dysfunction. Patterns of weird behavior understandably emerge. That's what I think.



Boy I understand this


----------



## bandit.45

I really have the urge to go down on a woman right now. No sex, just oral. I'm laying on my hotel bed bored as hell watching the World Cup. 

Don't know why.

Maybe I ought to go find one of the cleaning maids and see if she wants a free one.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> The drama with my exh and my foo mangled my already warped heart. I'm so not over the issues that were raised in that devastation that I sometimes feel like a ghost of myself. I used to be confident and secure and hopeful; now I pretend to be those things, but secretly fear that life will all come crashing down around me again. What I felt for my exh eclipsed me entirely; I don't think I ever want to be at anyone's mercy like that, again. That fear makes me reluctant to open up to anyone. I chose to move on with a partner who was very different and with whom I could avoid attachment, only to find that I actually want it. I think many of us have patterns of behavior that are cultivated by problematic family relationships that were never really resolved and that are compounded by troubled romantic partnerships that buckled under the weight of their dysfunction. Patterns of weird behavior understandably emerge. That's what I think.


I find that pretty much all of the females on this thread share same life experiences. 
I mentioned before that you echo my sentiments and feelings very well. 
But I will say it again. 

In my case, I do not know why I go back to blue eyes. Maybe because I know he will not fall in love with me, I know he does not want a relationship. 
Sort of funny, that I need an online relationship test to prove what I have always known: *I tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others*
because... yeah... thug life yo!!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I noticed a patter with some of us here; we are going back to a previous "relationship" even thought it ended before.
> Why do you suppose we do this?
> 
> Unfinished business? we really like the person? we are afraid we will not find anyone else?


No way! I avoid anyone who looks like they might have a brain hemorrhage coming along. (Apologies to anyone who has had one...) Once is enough. (This was not ex but partner after...)

My Aussie guy is just as nice as Mr. BH (Brain Hemorrhage) was, and has even more in common with me in terms of interests. I also found him a big more attractive right off the bat, but probably only because he was giving off major 'nice' vibes (working for a mining company was a huge strike against him but I decided not to be judgemental and asked questions about his specific role...) If I ever call him out on anything, behavior wise, he actually listens and does not act as though I am 'sensitive' or 'have a problem' or some other criticism just for feeling however it is I feel. He's overseas though, which is a big issue.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> i find that pretty much all of the females on this thread share same life experiences.
> I mentioned before that you echo my sentiments and feelings very well.
> But i will say it again.
> 
> In my case, i do not know why i go back to blue eyes. Maybe because i know he will not fall in love with me, i know he does not want a relationship.
> Sort of funny, that i need an online relationship test to prove what i have always known: *i tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others*
> because... Yeah... Thug life yo!!! :d


yolo!!!


----------



## moxy

OK. So, I'm going to assume that Guy's words were just sex-talk and I'm going to try to rein in this crush. If he wanted to make our relationship something more than casual, he would say something, right? I'm just going to assume that he doesn't want to: less chance of feeling hurt if I don't let my wishful thinking get the best of me. I need to distract myself.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> If he wanted to make our relationship something more than casual, he would say something, right?


This works both ways.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> This works both ways.


Drats. That's a good point.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> The drama with my exh and my foo mangled my already warped heart. I'm so not over the issues that were raised in that devastation that I sometimes feel like a ghost of myself. I used to be confident and secure and hopeful; now I pretend to be those things, but secretly *fear *that life will all come crashing down around me again. What I felt for my exh eclipsed me entirely; I don't think I ever want to be at anyone's mercy like that, again. *That fear makes me reluctant to open up to anyone. *I chose to move on with a partner who was very different and with whom I could avoid attachment, only to find that I actually want it. I think many of us have patterns of behavior that are cultivated by problematic family relationships that were never really resolved and that are compounded by troubled romantic partnerships that buckled under the weight of their dysfunction. Patterns of weird behavior understandably emerge. That's what I think.


Ok, stop right there. You're afraid of getting hurt again. That's what you're trying to tell us. Very understandable. 

All the other stuff I colored in blue is not important. Don't tell us how you think other people are feeling. Tell us how you feel. 

And I've talked to you about the "partner" you wanted to be more than FWB with. He never wanted you the way you waned him. And hello!.... The age difference, not to mention the difference in intelligence and maturity. He was more of a fling and rebound guy.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> OK. So, I'm going to assume that Guy's words were just sex-talk and I'm going to try to rein in this crush. If he wanted to make our relationship something more than casual, he would say something, right? I'm just going to assume that he doesn't want to: less chance of feeling hurt if I don't let my wishful thinking get the best of me. I need to distract myself.


Let me put it to you like this.... 

When a man wants to make you his woman, he will make a fool of himself first.

You'll know when a man is "falling in love" with you when he shows you his sensitive and caring side and doesn't try to take advantage of you sexually. Men are really bad about trying to fake indifference or act more masculine, but when we like and trust you enough we will start showing you our true selves. 

Oh, and if he likes you he'll call. That's pretty much it. We're men, not rocket science. 

For more info.....
The Brutally Honest Phases Of A Man Falling In Love


----------



## ne9907

I ventured out to the store anf received a great line
Random maybe-31-year-old guy said to me
"You are just a bundle of gorgeousness"

It made me laugh and I said thank you!

He asked for my number but I declined


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Ok, stop right there. You're afraid of getting hurt again. That's what you're trying to tell us. Very understandable.
> 
> All the other stuff I colored in blue is not important. Don't tell us how you think other people are feeling. Tell us how you feel.
> 
> And I've talked to you about the "partner" you wanted to be more than FWB with. He never wanted you the way you waned him. And hello!.... The age difference, not to mention the difference in intelligence and maturity. He was more of a fling and rebound guy.



Well...I'm not calling him a partner. Right now, we are fvck buddies or FWBs. Yes, there has been some douchey behavior on his part, but I think there may have been some on mine, too (and, yes, his was worse, but the good outweighed the bad for me). At first, all I wanted was sex, but that's changed for me, maybe...I'm not sure. I suppose that's just what happens when you've been banging somebody consistently for a while: even if its freaky and weird, you're bound to see each other as people, at some point. I've been shrugging off feelings for him, recently. His behavior has changed, recently. So, I'm talking it through, here. I guess I'm trying to make sense of both my issues and my feelings. 

I know he's younger than me, but not absurdly so -- and, even if I feel a little ridiculous about that, he seems to get off on it, so it's hopefully not so embarrassing. I don't really think this has forever potential -- after all, we're not properly dating, just kinda hanging out and hooking up, but I think it has the potential to be a fling with feelings or at least something that might last a little while -- until he gets bored and moves on or I do. Is the age difference just an issue because he's the younger one and happens to be a guy?

In the past, I've closed myself off from opportunities just because I couldn't see a forever sort of future with someone, because someone didn't look right on paper or in the context of my family or friends or career...but, after exh, I am not seeing relationships like that. I'm just looking for something fun for myself that also honors what he may be looking for. 

I don't want to feel ashamed of my desires because I don't think I'm behaving in a way that is undignified. I will probably feel like a dummy when he moves on, but...maybe he won't for a while and I will figure myself out in the meantime, or maybe I will meet someone who captures my interest more. Is it really so foolish to think about the feelings I'm having and consider them as they are instead of as part of what they should be? I *am* scared of getting hurt, but I also want to feel something for a change.

Sorry if I seem defensive. I'm just trying to figure things out and my mind is not clear about any of this stuff. And, I only referenced what others were going through because there are some common threads across the board, things that have to do with patterns of dysfunction.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Let me put it to you like this....
> 
> When a man wants to make you his woman, he will make a fool of himself first.
> 
> You'll know when a man is "falling in love" with you when he shows you his sensitive and caring side and doesn't try to take advantage of you sexually. Men are really bad about trying to fake indifference or act more masculine, but when we like and trust you enough we will start showing you our true selves.
> 
> Oh, and if he likes you he'll call. That's pretty much it. We're men, not rocket science.
> 
> For more info.....
> The Brutally Honest Phases Of A Man Falling In Love


I agree. He did call. We did hang out. He was more sensitive. We had more of a date and less of a fvck-fest. There were candles involved, and affectionate statements, a sudden expression of desire to have me actually look at him in the eyes while were getting freaky, and a bunch of tangential and hesitant talk about exclusivity, primacy of place, and the future. That's why I'm wondering if this is changing: I noticed that things were different. I also think that he's probably trying to figure out whether he likes me or not, to some extent, and also what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Of course....you know what they say: if you have to ask whether or not he likes you, he probably doesn't like you all that much. So, yeah, maybe I am just being foolish.


----------



## Nsweet

Moxy, dear, listen to yourself! You're trying to convince yourself that you're in a relationship after he's been a little sweet. 

Are you familiar with the mean-sweet cycle by chance? How about the way abusive partners will use you to get their own needs met, hurting you in the process, and then once you start to pull you away they start reeling you back in by showing you some of the sweet actions and the "perfect" side of them that you fell for in the first place. 

You're in an unhealthy relationship - if you want to call it a "relationship". I'd say it's more like you're chasing after a guy that only wants you when he can't find casual sex elsewhere. 

And I'm going to go ahead and be the guy to rain on your parade here. Moxy, you're not really in love with him. You're confusing love and sex with something more long term. This is 100% codependent.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Nsweet said:


> Moxy, dear, listen to yourself! *You're trying to convince yourself that you're in a relationship after he's been a little sweet. *
> 
> Are you familiar with the mean-sweet cycle by chance? How about the way abusive partners will use you to get their own needs met, hurting you in the process, and then once you start to pull you away they start reeling you back in by showing you some of the sweet actions and the "perfect" side of them that you fell for in the first place.
> 
> You're in an unhealthy relationship - if you want to call it a "relationship". I'd say it's more like you're chasing after a guy that only wants you when he can't find casual sex elsewhere.
> 
> And I'm going to go ahead and be the guy to rain on your parade here. Moxy, *you're not really in love with him. You're confusing love and sex with something more long term*. This is 100% codependent.


She is not trying to convince herself she is in a relationship, and NO WHERE in her posts does she say that she is, or thinks she is, in love with him.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> I also think that he's probably trying to figure out whether he likes me or not, to some extent, and also what he wants to do with the rest of his life.


Oh, come on Moxy! You can't play these games with yourself. 

1. You're not trying to figure out if he likes you. You're trying to figure out what you can do to make him like you. - That's Codependency.

2. It's not your job to help him figure out what he wants to do with his life. You're trying to "rescue" him and love hard enough hoping someday he'll return the favor and fall for you, but that's just not going to happen. 

Are you at all familiar with the legend of Narcissus and Echo? If you are then good, because you're Echo in this story.

If you could just put half of the energy spent thinking about him into loving yourself, you wouldn't have to worry about finding someone better than him.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> She is not trying to convince herself she is in a relationship, and NO WHERE in her posts does she say that she is, or thinks she is, in love with him.


Hold on. I want to hear from Moxy.

There's a method to what I'm doing here.


----------



## jpr

Dear Anonymous Internet User Friends,


I just had the best sex ever.


E.V.E.R.


Ever.


Ever.


Sincerely,

Jpr


----------



## vi_bride04

Bah, was good for awhile there...now I'm feeling lonely. 

Missing a friend. Have been go go go go go go social butterfly lately I haven't really had a chance to think about anything other than trying to sleep. 

Why does life have to be complicated? I just want my friend. Sadness is a ***** when it creeps in. Especially when all I want is a nice long hug. Its been so long since I had one. And not from some sex partner. But a REAL loving hug. 

Now my mind wanders about being in someones arms that really cares about me. Memories seem like torture at times.


----------



## Nsweet

God, try not to brag too hard there jpr. Wouldn't want you to pull a muscle or anything.


----------



## jpr

Sorry.




After taking that quiz that Feministinpink posted earlier... I learned that in tend to avoid intimacy. ....... Well......I sort of already knew that.





But, part of me wanted to prove it wrong. I want to give it a big "F U!!! M'er effer!"... and show that effing test that I am capable of connecting with someone.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> 1. You're not trying to figure out if he likes you.
> 
> 2. It's not your job to help him figure out what he wants to do with his life.
> 
> Are you at all familiar with the legend of Narcissus and Echo? If you are then good, because you're Echo in this story.
> 
> If you could just put half of the energy spent thinking about him into loving yourself, you wouldn't have to worry about finding someone better than him.


I am NOT trying to make him like me. I am trying to figure out if he likes me for me or just my mad bedroom skills and what to make of the feelings I am developing, which is weird for me because I was disturbingly anhedonic for a long time after my exh.

I am not trying to help him figure out what to do with his life, just noting those elements in order to contextualize his behavior; he's kinda trying to figure out a whole lot of things in his life, so his change in behavior toward me might have to do with those aspects of his life, not with me. One of the things I like about him is that he is NOT in need of rescuing.

Echo & Narcissus? That is a little harsh, no? Can you explain? I don't think I'm quite that ridiculous.

I love myself. Lately, I also love the idea of a little bit of romance in my monotony. I'm not choosing a life partner, just having some fun -- and trying to figure out how much heart I want to risk for that fun.

Guy is not like my exh, who was a silver-tongued devil wearing honey and sweetness while hiding toxins in his pockets. He is not a gentleman, either; he's has never pretended to offer me more commitment than sex and flirtation and a few dates. 



Nsweet said:


> You're trying to convince yourself that you're in a relationship after he's been a little sweet.
> 
> I'd say it's more like you're chasing after a guy that only wants you when he can't find casual sex elsewhere.
> 
> Moxy, you're not really in love with him.


WHOA...hold on a second there. I am not calling this a "relationship" in that way based on any kind of rewriting of history; stuff changed and I'm trying to figure out what that means. 

I don't think he's hooking up with anyone else, though I could be wrong. I'm no longer a convenient choice; he could get it somewhere else much more easily if he wanted to, but he's still around for some reason. I don't know if that's by choice or chance.

I DO NOT think I am in love. I do think I've got a crush on the dude I've been banging for five months, but I'm not sure whether that means I should hit the road or see how things go. He is NOT my boyfriend (because he's never used the word and doesn't act like one). I certainly do NOT know him well enough to love him.



3Xnocharm said:


> She is not trying to convince herself she is in a relationship, and NO WHERE in her posts does she say that she is, or thinks she is, in love with him.


Thank you, 3x.


----------



## Nsweet

You can brag all you want, dear. I was just being facetious.

I don't really have to take a test to know that I avoid intimacy (physical and emotional). I get creeped out by my running group always touching and hugging on me, and the emotional intimacy is a given. Working on it though. 

And I agree with VI about the hugging. But I would much rather prefer a very close nonsexual cuddle in bed to a big hug. That's just me though.


----------



## moxy

jpr said:


> I just had the best sex ever.


Rock it, JPR! That's awesome!



vi_bride04 said:


> Bah, was good for awhile there...now I'm feeling lonely.
> 
> Why does life have to be complicated? I just want my friend. Sadness is a ***** when it creeps in. Memories seem like torture at times.


I'm so sorry you're feeling miserable, vi. Hang in there. Can you cry it out?



jpr said:


> But, part of me wanted to prove it wrong. I want to give it a big "F U!!! M'er effer!"... and show that effing test that I am capable of connecting with someone.


I effing love the fact that you're waging war on a quiz! That's fabulous.  In a way, you're also challenging your own demons.


----------



## Nsweet

Ok, Moxy. You've told me everything I needed to hear. 

You know how I said there was method to all of this?.... I wanted to put pressure on you and get you thinking about how you feel about the guy. 

How did it feel to hear all that?

I can kinda see where you're coming from, but could you be a little more clear on your intentions. I mean, are you wondering if he'll like you if you were to stop having sex with him? 

Are you worried about the uncertainties or being abandoned?

Try to feel where this is coming from and you'll have your answer for pretty much everything you've said. What is moxy feeling about the guy?


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Ok, Moxy. You've told me everything I needed to hear.
> 
> You know how I said there was method to all of this?.... I wanted to put pressure on you and get you thinking about how you feel about the guy.
> 
> How did it feel to hear all that?
> 
> I can kinda see where you're coming from, but could you be a little more clear on your intentions. I mean, are you wondering if he'll like you if you were to stop having sex with him?
> 
> Are you worried about the uncertainties or being abandoned?
> 
> Try to feel where this is coming from and you'll have your answer for pretty much everything you've said. What is moxy feeling about the guy?


Well, I was feeling incredibly defensive and ashamed for a minute there! Yikes! I'm surprised that I felt protective of this situation and a tiny bit taken aback by your negativity. Interesting reasons for it. I don't know if I respond fairly under pressure or not, though, because I automatically get protective under fire, regardless or the reason.

I have a crush on the guy. Logic says this isn't a forever relationship. His actions are ambiguous. My actions are ambiguous. Romance says that maybe there's something happening that could be fun.

I'm trying to figure out: 

if I like him enough to risk losing great sex and comfortable companionship in some quest for love; 
whether I actually want something more than what we've got going on and if he's the one with whom I want it;
whether I'm going to be a chicken or actually say "hey, guy, I like you, wanna go out for realsies?"; 
whether or not to take myself off the market, in light of my budding feelings, because in all honesty, I'm feeling guilty about not having done so already, but feeling foolish for considering it in case he hasn't done so; 
whether or not I'm reading too much into these small gestures he's made recently or if they mean anything; and,
how to contend with the fact that I am feeling so guilty for thinking of someone other than exh, even though I am trying to move on.

Although, now, I'm kinda flustered by thinking about things so much and just wishing for convenient sex, in general.


----------



## Nsweet

Here's an idea moxy..... 

*Why not take sex off the table?*

Tell him that you want to start over and see where things go. Make your boundaries known and keep them strong, while keeping your exit strategy in mind. See if he can be a real friend or if your infatuation for him is blinding reality.

My suggestion to you would be to write down everything, document everything, and keep records of everything. Same strategy you'd use for gaslighting. Keep your feelings out of it as best as possible and stick to the facts. That way you will have proof that he is or is not worthy of a relationship with you. 

Also, one really good fail proof method..... Introduce him to your friends and see what they think. You especially want to see what other guys think of him.... Because we know the games we play.


----------



## RandomDude

Well I sure as hell hope that my FWB isn't thinking along the same lines as you Moxy!

As such, tis a risky thing! But then again I've hammered her enough times with the whole 'no emo' crap she's bound to have got the message


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> It is so strange, I feel as if my 14 year marriage was never real. I feel as if I had a superficial relationship. I will try to explain why: because he always hid his true self from me, he always lied, manipulated, and I was too stupid to see him as he is.
> 
> That leaves me not knowning what true love is, I thought I had true love with ex. Perhaps, I loved the person I married, but I hate the person he is.



I think we all feel very similar ne. For all sorts of reasons our marriages basically weren't real either . Because how could they have been if they flew out the window in all sorts of ugly ways?
l knew true love , for 15yrs , but now l ask myself now if it was true love then how come it fkd up , how come it gave up , ended. True love doesn't do that in my book so maybe it wasn't true after all.

Don't know what l'm trying to say here cept l think we all know how you feel in some form or nother .


----------



## Hoosier

I find it hard to go "all in"... I love them but keeping my space.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> It is so strange, I feel as if my 14 year marriage was never real. I feel as if I had a superficial relationship. I will try to explain why: because he always hid his true self from me, he always lied, manipulated, and I was too stupid to see him as he is.
> 
> That leaves me not knowning what true love is, I thought I had true love with ex. Perhaps, I loved the person I married, but I hate the person he is.


Omigod, yes. YES.


----------



## whitehawk

l'm not sure either . l worry l might subconsciously self sabotage a couple of mths in if something was to take off full on .


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> I took it:
> 
> Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the *preoccupied* region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.


Me, too! Although right on the avoidance diagonal barely a fourth away from center. I feel I've come a long way. My answers were based on my three 'major' relationships post divorce. But had I answered based on where I was mentally during my marriage I would have been high avoidance, high anxiety. Now I'm almost dead center which tells me I've come a long way.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Remember Jelly if it is not a Fvck Yes! it is a no


Hehe. True facts! Apparently that advice works well even for Facebook friendships!



ne9907 said:


> I noticed a patter with some of us here; we are going back to a previous "relationship" even thought it ended before.
> Why do you suppose we do this?
> 
> Unfinished business? we really like the person? we are afraid we will not find anyone else?


There is a connection between the two people; lingering feelings; because it's comfortable/familiar.



vi_bride04 said:


> She is not one to take any type of criticism or what she would consider criticism very well. Me telling her "you really need to spend your alone time by yourself and not with me" would not go over at all.


You need to be direct with her, Vi. Hints are no going to work. 



vi_bride04 said:


> Anyways, any ideas on how I can make detaching easier for her? I am seriously her only friend she can call to hangout with on a regular basis. I have been making myself as unavailable as I can or at least making sure I stick to my plans for myself before spending time with her.
> 
> *I know I should just be upfront with her, but really, I'm not going to do that*.


Eh.  Just tell her you can't hang out then. "I want to be alone this weekend, etc." "I am not available to hang out then." "I am going to be doing XYZ/spending time with XYZ/out of town/going off the grid for awhile so I can't hang out." 

Direct is better though.


----------



## Jellybeans

I took that attachment thing and still don't understand it. I scored a 3ish for each type of attachment. No clue what that means. It means I'm half of it? And the blue dot is on one of the plots for "secure."


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'd have to do too many multi-quotes. Here goes. (Boy you guys are hard to keep up with!)

Yes, aside from have a 15y/o kid, I feel my marriage wasn't real. He even said so during the marriage - said I was "playing house". He might be right. It was a reaction to his narcissism, however, and not an indication of how I view relationships or how I am in a REAL relationship with someone who pulls their weight vs. being a dictator.

Moxy, I agree with Nsweet in that you need to take sex off the table. You are fulfilling physical needs while ignoring your emotional ones. You are giving your emotions saccharine. Nothing "real". In order to get "real" you need to take sex off the table.


Vi-Bride, you've really got to learn to be OK with some confrontation and setting some boundaries. It's hard, but so liberating when you know you've grown a little on the inside.  You can do it gently. Just tell her the next time she texts or calls "Friend, you KNOW I love you to bits (or say care if that's better) BUT I have noticed a pattern that you are sort of all or nothing. When you had the boyfriend you were ALL about him. Now that you don't have him, you are ALL about your friends. I want you to be ALL about YOU! I've gotten to where it's great just having alone time and being OK with it - it's healthy to not NEED to have someone at your side all of the time because I've found when we can't be alone it's usually because there's something in our heads we are trying to avoid dealing with. You know what really helped me? This book/therapy/support group/etc. I really think you can benefit from it." If she gets mad, she needs to grow up a bit - probably means you touched a nerve. Maybe she has abandonment issues. But she'll never get to the bottom of them if she's shielding with friends/BFs.

jpr - good for you. I'd love that, too. Just not 'there' yet. 

And lastly - I think some drama is about to hit the fan. *sigh* separate post.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I took that attachment thing and still don't understand it. I scored a 3ish for each type of attachment. No clue what that means. It means I'm half of it? And the blue dot is on one of the plots for "secure."


It means you are not [email protected] up like the rest of us... secure is good
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl:

I actually figured I'd be closer to COLD BLACK HEART or DEVOID OF FEELINGS on the scale. 

Guess not.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> And lastly - I think some drama is about to hit the fan. *sigh* separate post.


Where is this drama you spoke of?


----------



## hope4family

WAHOO! It says I am secure!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> Where is this drama you spoke of?


BFF is becoming someone I don't like and the whole situation sucks. I know there's always two sides. Since her H was using me as a confidant last year I started avoiding him. I showed her his texts where he was concerned about her drinking (I told him to talk to her directly but he won't.) She brushed off the drinking but seemed to drink less according to her kid (friends with my daughter). She also brushed me to the side slowly; not sure if intentional. 

She is now socializing heavily with her coworkers who are young and single and going out a lot to bars for GNOs. Heavy drinking included. Maybe I'm not included any more because I'd be a downer knowing I would disapprove? 

She is HD sexually (based on anecdotal jokes - not specific info), had a troubled childhood with a mother who I suspect has a PD (I'll skip the history here - just trust me - not normal childhood) She often complains about hating having to be "grown up" and dislikes responsibility. Her kid is screwed up but frankly it's all due to her and any gentle reasoning/suggestions are met with "I did that" but if you ask her D or H, they'll say she didn't.

So one night I get a text from her that "She's DONE" (with her D & H). Same night her H texts me that BFF has been in a drunken rage, tells their D that D is the biggest mistake she ever made (who tells their kid this?) and that they are divorcing.

I try to stay out of it. H came by (my kiddo and an other friend where there) one Saturday after work under the guise of borrowing some tools and talked to me about it. Told me that he loves her but that she has cheated as recently as 3 years ago (unbeknownst to me) but won't leave her. Has lost bunches of weight due to stress. Showed me some texts between them. I encouraged him to go to counseling and I have encouraged her to do the same previously. He is, she isn't. He joked that maybe the two of us should hook up and I told him that wouldn't solve anything and that he was my friends' husband. This whole time he was crying and finally asked for a hug, please. So I hugged him and sent him on his way.

Then H started texting me saying he's always wanted to "get" with me, how it would be so good "you know it would" etc. I am either not answering or saying not gonna happen. He has called a few times but never leaves messages. Finally he texted me to call him. I didn't. I notice BFF exceptionally chilly. I wonder if she saw his texts and thinks I encourage it. Yesterday she asked for the name of my attorney saying a "coworker's daughter's husband is cheating, the wife is oblivious and just wants out". Not sure if it's really someone else or she is referring to herself. He isn't cheating tho.

Again, the older I get the more I see people who aren't emotionally healthy. And the more I realize it takes a while for true colors to show. And it's disappointing.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Then H started texting me saying he's always wanted to "get" with me, how it would be so good "you know it would" etc..


Ugh.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yup, Ugh. I want to shake both of them. I had enough crap with my divorce and ex through the years. I prefer the rest of my life as drama free as possible.


----------



## moxy

Enjoli -- That really sucks. I'm sorry that your friends are being so dramatic! 

It might be worthwhile to just send H a very explicit email, laying it all out there, and just saying "I do not want to have sex with you. I am not encouraging your behavior. Please don't bring it up again." He may just need a cold and direct statement requesting that he back off. Additionally, In case BFF is monitoring his texts, she will know that it's not you who is encouraging it. 

I feel really sorry for your BFF's daughter who sounds like she's getting the abusive backlash of her parents' immaturity. I hope she has some good support structures. 

Getting some distance from these folks while they sort out their stuff might be good for you.


----------



## angstire

Another Planet said:


> Me too...preoccupied
> 
> According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 4.00, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).


Me too.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Cut them loose. *snip snip*


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I actually figured I'd be closer to COLD BLACK HEART or DEVOID OF FEELINGS on the scale.
> 
> Guess not.


Nope. You're not heartless. You just know what you want and you're not going to accept less than that without good reason.



hope4family said:


> WAHOO! It says I am secure!


Viva la Internet validation! These quizzes are fun. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> Again, the older I get the more I see people who aren't emotionally healthy. And the more I realize it takes a while for true colors to show. And it's disappointing.


This is so true, so rampant, and -- I agree -- so disappointing. 

---
Regarding my stuff: I'm just going to see how things go. I don't want to risk looking like a fool, in case I'm being one. I don't want to stop having sex, just to see if a relationship that is based on sex can exist without it, because the answer is obviously no. I will be mindful of mixed signals from me, though (and receptive to possible emotional advances from Guy if we keep getting to it); how do I do that?


----------



## vi_bride04

EnjoliWoman said:


> Again, the older I get the more I see people who aren't emotionally healthy. And the more I realize it takes a while for true colors to show. And it's disappointing.


So very disappointing 

One of the reasons I am not anxious to date or get into a relationship. I feel I will just never know who a person truly is. Friends try to convince me it is worth the risk, but I don't feel that way yet.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I don't want to stop having sex, just to see if a relationship that is based on sex can exist without it, because the answer is obviously no.


:rofl:

Then my advice is keep as you are.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moxy said:


> Enjoli -- That really sucks. I'm sorry that your friends are being so dramatic!
> 
> Getting some distance from these folks while they sort out their stuff might be good for you.


Same here - it seems he has taken the hint. And meanwhile she seems to have backed away from me tho the last time we got together she posted on FB how great it was to hang with her BFF for the first time in a long while.

If I tell BFF it will forever screw up our group socializing if they stay together. If I don't and she finds out she may be mad that I didn't tell her. Heck she may be mad anyway - I've done it before (back when married) and the wife said I MUST have done something to encourage him for him to think it was OK.  

So I kind of feel damned if I do/damned if I don't. Honest I don't think he's attracted to me - I think he's lonely and hurt and mad and maybe wanted to get back at her for her suspected cheating. 

He's a hard worker (landscaping) but he isn't interesting to me at all. When he isn't working it's all about sports. No other interests or hobbies at all. Conversation very limited except about his kid/wife. Zero attraction to him and I'm happy about that!


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> If I tell BFF it will forever screw up our group socializing if they stay together. If I don't and she finds out she may be mad that I didn't tell her. :
> 
> So I kind of feel damned if I do/damned if I don't. *Honest I don't think he's attracted to me - I think he's lonely and hurt and mad and maybe wanted to get back at her for her suspected cheating.*


You could say this. You could say that he just seems to be acting out based on what he thinks she is doing, not that he's into you. If my exh has been hitting on a friend and that friend didn't tell me, I'd be so incredibly mad at the friend that I'd probably be done with both of them. If the friend told me, I'd be mad at exh and willing to talk to him about the problem. If you value your friendship, just tell her.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

vi_bride04 said:


> So very disappointing
> 
> One of the reasons I am not anxious to date or get into a relationship. I feel I will just never know who a person truly is. Friends try to convince me it is worth the risk, but I don't feel that way yet.


I think it is worth the risk. But it only took exH a few months for me to see red flags looking back - now I'd notice what I swept aside back then. My friend - she was a long-distance friend and seemed to be handling everything well. Once we lived in the same town I'd say 1-2 years I started seeing some areas where we diverged significantly in values.

So I feel pretty good about a relationship where we spend 6-12 months getting to know each other before ILUs come into play, another year of serious dating where we meet family, take vacations, etc. and a third year maybe venturing into finances, living together, etc. I don't think my 'picker' is terribly broken anymore. In fact, it's overly fine tuned! :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> You could say this. You could say that he just seems to be acting out based on what he thinks she is doing, not that he's into you. If my exh has been hitting on a friend and that friend didn't tell me, I'd be so incredibly mad at the friend that I'd probably be done with both of them. *If the friend told me, I'd be mad at exh and willing to talk to him about the problem. If you value your friendship, just tell her.*


That's the HEALTHY response, moxy. BFF sounds a little unstable, and might not react in the way we might hope.


----------



## ne9907

First of all, lets get this out of the way, I am not in a relationship.

so I am sleeping with blue eyes. Nothing serious there at all.
I have plans to meet Army guy in Vegas next month, nothing serious there either.
BUT....
Army guy got out of the field monday, he has been acting weird since then. 
He texted me when he got out, this morning he texted, and tried to call me when he received news that he will be deploying. I never get reception at work, so only received is texts. I told him I would call him at lunch time.
He agreed. I called him, we chatted for like a few minutes, then he cut me off entirely!
He said, he was having lunch with some co workers..... he is acting weird.

I have no intention of getting into a serious relationship with blue eyes, Army guy is just too far away to even consider a serious relationship. 
Am I being a slvt for having two guys?


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> Am I being a slvt for having two guys?


Ne--you don't have two guys. Can't be a slvt over what you don't have! You have a FWB--part of that deal is that either one of you can end the deal if you find a better offer. And you have a long distance friend. Since you haven't even MET him, how can you "have" him?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moxy said:


> You could say this. You could say that he just seems to be acting out based on what he thinks she is doing, not that he's into you. If my exh has been hitting on a friend and that friend didn't tell me, I'd be so incredibly mad at the friend that I'd probably be done with both of them. If the friend told me, I'd be mad at exh and willing to talk to him about the problem. If you value your friendship, just tell her.





FeministInPink said:


> That's the HEALTHY response, moxy. BFF sounds a little unstable, and might not react in the way we might hope.


I just don't want to alienate either of them. Right now they signed a new lease so it seems she is going to stay for another year. I think she's Bi-Polar - risky sex (if his accounts are true) and self-medicating (alcohol) and a strong fear of abandonment (based on her behavior, not her words). She afraid of not being perfect yet she knows she's the only one who expects perfection; she has severe anxiety over stressful situations which has only gotten worse over the years. She deflects with a lot of humor.

I think she pushes H and me away to avoid being hurt, assuming the other person will push away first. I think she has feelings of inadequacy instilled by her own mother (which she is doing to HER kid). I hate the idea of being part of that hurt. I just really wish she'd get help and I'm very glad he is seeing someone now and hope he can get her to do the same. I'm giving it a little time.

If I talk to her about it, I'd rather say that he seems to want to talk about it because he doesn't have a lot of guy friends and that I don't want to be in the middle because I care about them both and that I hope they go to counseling.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Am I being a slvt for having two guys?


No, you are doing what people do when they are single and want to sleep with someone. I'm impressed there are two people in the world you have met who you want to have sex with. I'm a bit pickier so it's been over a year. Have met someone just a year ago but logistics and time-space continuum don't allow actual connection.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> First of all, lets get this out of the way, I am not in a relationship.
> 
> so I am sleeping with blue eyes. Nothing serious there at all.
> I have plans to meet Army guy in Vegas next month, nothing serious there either.
> BUT....
> Army guy got out of the field monday, he has been acting weird since then.
> He texted me when he got out, this morning he texted, and tried to call me when he received news that he will be deploying. I never get reception at work, so only received is texts. I told him I would call him at lunch time.
> He agreed. I called him, we chatted for like a few minutes, then he cut me off entirely!
> He said, he was having lunch with some co workers..... he is acting weird.
> 
> I have no intention of getting into a serious relationship with blue eyes, Army guy is just too far away to even consider a serious relationship.
> *Am I being a slvt for having two guys?*


I protest the use of the S word. It's a device used to shame and control women, and reduces a woman to being a "bad" person, when in reality there is no morality to sexuality.

No person is "bad" just because they do one "bad" thing; our inherent worth can't boiled down to one action, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.

As long as you've not tacitly or expressly agreed to a monogamous relationship with either man, you're not doing anything wrong. Don't let anyone slvt-shame you for that.

If YOU don't feel right about it, that's another story. But you don't need us to give you permission.


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> Ne--you don't have two guys. Can't be a slvt over what you don't have! You have a FWB--part of that deal is that either one of you can end the deal if you find a better offer. And you have a long distance friend. Since you haven't even MET him, how can you "have" him?


 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> No, you are doing what people do when they are single and want to sleep with someone. I'm impressed there are two people in the world you have met who you want to have sex with. I'm a bit pickier so it's been over a year. Have met someone just a year ago but logistics and time-space continuum don't allow actual connection.


I like sex and I am a sucker for beautiful eyes and perfect white teeth!



FeministInPink said:


> I protest the use of the S word. It's a device used to shame and control women, and reduces a woman to being a "bad" person, when in reality there is no morality to sexuality.
> 
> No person is "bad" just because they do one "bad" thing; our inherent worth can't boiled down to one action, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.
> 
> As long as you've not tacitly or expressly agreed to a monogamous relationship with either man, you're not doing anything wrong. Don't let anyone slvt-shame you for that.
> 
> If YOU don't feel right about it, that's another story. But you don't need us to give you permission.


I do feel right. As I have mentioned before, I tend to view life in black and white. But I am evolving.... soon, I will burst into stardust!!



Thanks all


----------



## moxy

Ne, you're not doing anything wrong because you have no agreement that you're betraying. Don't feel bad about having feelings for two different people. If you start to prefer one of them, it might be nice to let the other one know you wanna cool your jets for a while.

It can be tough to reconcile the idea that multiple dates are okay when you're conditioned to marriage and monogamy; however, until you both have an agreement like that, there is no need to feel guilty.


----------



## sidney2718

FeministInPink said:


> I protest the use of the S word. It's a device used to shame and control women, and reduces a woman to being a "bad" person, when in reality there is no morality to sexuality.
> 
> No person is "bad" just because they do one "bad" thing; our inherent worth can't boiled down to one action, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.
> 
> As long as you've not tacitly or expressly agreed to a monogamous relationship with either man, you're not doing anything wrong. Don't let anyone slvt-shame you for that.
> 
> If YOU don't feel right about it, that's another story. But you don't need us to give you permission.


As I guy I note that guys can go out with several women if he's not serious with any of them. And nobody calls them names.


----------



## Dollystanford

06Daddio08 said:


> Don't accept the friend request, you're not friends and she's not someone you want on there anyways.
> 
> If she has a problem with it. Tough.


Late to the Jellybeans/FB quandary but I agree with Up

She won't even speak to you at a social gathering, why feel obliged to befriend her? She wants to act like a jealous teen then let her sweat

It's not like it's going to make things more awkward than they already are


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> I took that attachment thing and still don't understand it. I scored a 3ish for each type of attachment. No clue what that means. It means I'm half of it? And the blue dot is on one of the plots for "secure."


That's what I got. Like Enjoli though, if I had answered as I was during my marraige, it would have been a very different picture.


----------



## FeministInPink

sidney2718 said:


> As I guy I note that guys can go out with several women if he's not serious with any of them. And nobody calls them names.


Ye Olde Double Standard.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> That's what I got. Like Enjoli though, if I had answered as I was during my marraige, it would have been a very different picture.


I have always been emotionally unavailable, except when i met my ex. I opened up to him entirely, and that is why his betrayal hurts a lot!! He used some of my fears and hopes against me! ha!

That fvcking fvck!


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> *I have always been emotionally unavailable, except when i met my ex. I opened up to him entirely, and that is why his betrayal hurts a lot!! He used some of my fears and hopes against me! ha!
> *
> That fvcking fvck!


I am going through a paradigm shift. 

I'm going to be open to more people, but I am going to use their acceptance (non taking advantage of it) as a method of finding the "real" people from the fake ones.


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> I am going through a paradigm shift.
> 
> I'm going to be open to more people, but I am going to use their acceptance (non taking advantage of it) as a method of finding the "real" people from the fake ones.


Hmmmm I find this very intriguing and maybe will use it to change my current mindset of NOT wanting to open up to others. 

Thank you for this.


----------



## Fenix

hope4family said:


> I am going through a paradigm shift.
> 
> I'm going to be open to more people, but I am going to use their acceptance (non taking advantage of it) as a method of finding the "real" people from the fake ones.


Yes. I don't know if the willingness to do this comes from age or the cheating of my X, or just a WTF attitude, coupled with emotional armor. I now have a WYSISYG philosophy and I am pretty direct about it.

It's working and I am happy. Tbh, though, it is kind of a handicap in the job search but Oh well, sometimes you just have to say wtf.


----------



## muskrat

I finally got around to taking the test. It says I am secure. I scored a 2.28 on the attachment part and a 1.89 on the avoidance part.

Does this mean I am actually an emotionally healthy person?


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> I finally got around to taking the test. It says I am secure. I scored a 2.28 on the attachment part and a 1.89 on the avoidance part.
> 
> Does this mean I am actually an emotionally healthy person?


Sounds like it... or at least you're better off than most of us!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Sounds like it... or at least you're better off than most of us!


I kinda enjoy being emotionally unavailable.


----------



## vi_bride04

I don't watch alot of TV and only have streaming aps like Hulu and Amazon Prime. 

I just discovered "Drunk History". Hahahahaha

I am so entertained right now. Some of the funniest stuff I have watched in awhile.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't watch alot of TV and only have streaming aps like Hulu and Amazon Prime.
> 
> I just discovered "Drunk History". Hahahahaha
> 
> I am so entertained right now. Some of the funniest stuff I have watched in awhile.


I love that show!


----------



## Nsweet

I think I'm going to hold off on dating for another year. 

Just go back to school and work on myself..... Ironically, surrounded with young hot women. 

I wonder what would happen if I swore off of women for good. 

- Just thinking.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't watch alot of TV and only have streaming aps like Hulu and Amazon Prime.
> 
> I just discovered "Drunk History". Hahahahaha
> 
> I am so entertained right now. Some of the funniest stuff I have watched in awhile.


I ditched the cable the day my XH moved out. For a year, I just had Amazon Prime (since I was already paying for it), and about six months ago I finally bit the bullet and signed up for Hulu Plus.

Boy, it's bad news!!! Now I have something to watch at my fingertips ALL THE TIME. So. Easy. To. Binge-watch.

I'm almost done with watching The Sopranos, and I just started on True Blood.

I am in so. much. trouble.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> I think I'm going to hold off on dating for another year.
> 
> Just go back to school,*tell women on TAM how to date while not having actually dated* and work on myself..... Ironically, surrounded with young hot women.
> 
> I wonder what would happen if I swore off of women for good.
> 
> - Just thinking.


Fixed it for ya. Just had to, I know you're a big boy and can handle it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't watch alot of TV and only have streaming aps like Hulu and Amazon Prime.
> 
> I just discovered "Drunk History". Hahahahaha
> 
> I am so entertained right now. Some of the funniest stuff I have watched in awhile.


My nights have been going a bit longer and this show has started to make a spot in my life. The Owen brothers played the Kellog brothers and it was great.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> I ditched the cable the day my XH moved out. For a year, I just had Amazon Prime (since I was already paying for it), and about six months ago I finally bit the bullet and signed up for Hulu Plus.
> 
> Boy, it's bad news!!! Now I have something to watch at my fingertips ALL THE TIME. So. Easy. To. Binge-watch.
> 
> I'm almost done with watching The Sopranos, and I just started on True Blood.
> 
> I am in so. much. trouble.


So I have to ask - did your ex watch tv 24x7??

I know thats why I cancelled all TV - I was just sick of it. And its just stupid expensive. 

I do agree with you about Hulu though - I love the shows available, esp the Tonight Show with JF.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Nsweet said:


> I think I'm going to hold off on dating for another year.
> 
> Just go back to school and work on myself..... Ironically, surrounded with young hot women.
> 
> I wonder what would happen if I swore off of women for good.
> 
> - Just thinking.


Sometimes you just need a nice, long break. After my last and most recent attempt with a guy I've decided to take a hiatus from dating for quite some time. Putting my energy elsewhere - registered for a half marathon this fall and my training schedule now takes up most of the little free time I have. And you know what? It's sooooo much less stressful. I'm loving it.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Fixed it for ya. Just had to, I know you're a big boy and can handle it.


No. I'll be checking out shortly. 

All this marriage talk..... It's killing the rest of my 20s.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I finally got around to taking the test. It says I am secure. I scored a 2.28 on the attachment part and a 1.89 on the avoidance part.
> 
> Does this mean I am actually an emotionally healthy person?



Where is this damn test l'm gonna brave it ?


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> I think I'm going to hold off on dating for another year.
> 
> Just go back to school and work on myself..... Ironically, surrounded with young hot women.
> 
> I wonder what would happen if I swore off of women for good.
> 
> - Just thinking.



Haha , l often think the same thing. life sure is simpler without them :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

SoVeryLost said:


> Sometimes you just need a nice, long break. After my last and most recent attempt with a guy I've decided to take a hiatus from dating for quite some time. Putting my energy elsewhere - registered for a half marathon this fall and my training schedule now takes up most of the little free time I have. And you know what? It's sooooo much less stressful. I'm loving it.



Yeah l'm thinking of reverting back to my all time original of just doing my theng.
lt was all this date site stuff that got me effing around against my grain and better judgement . They're just there so you think wy not , nothing else going on right now.
Some actions gotta be better than no action right :sleeping: but nah, not necessarily at all actually . 
Effing around with so so's , is just bs and fks you over even more, it's a waste of time .
lt hasn't been fun , it's been fkd 

l feel like just doing my thing until someone really special comes along.


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> BFF is becoming someone I don't like and the whole situation sucks. I know there's always two sides. Since her H was using me as a confidant last year I started avoiding him. I showed her his texts where he was concerned about her drinking (I told him to talk to her directly but he won't.) She brushed off the drinking but seemed to drink less according to her kid (friends with my daughter). She also brushed me to the side slowly; not sure if intentional.
> 
> She is now socializing heavily with her coworkers who are young and single and going out a lot to bars for GNOs. Heavy drinking included. Maybe I'm not included any more because I'd be a downer knowing I would disapprove?
> 
> She is HD sexually (based on anecdotal jokes - not specific info), had a troubled childhood with a mother who I suspect has a PD (I'll skip the history here - just trust me - not normal childhood) She often complains about hating having to be "grown up" and dislikes responsibility. Her kid is screwed up but frankly it's all due to her and any gentle reasoning/suggestions are met with "I did that" but if you ask her D or H, they'll say she didn't.
> 
> So one night I get a text from her that "She's DONE" (with her D & H). Same night her H texts me that BFF has been in a drunken rage, tells their D that D is the biggest mistake she ever made (who tells their kid this?) and that they are divorcing.
> 
> I try to stay out of it. H came by (my kiddo and an other friend where there) one Saturday after work under the guise of borrowing some tools and talked to me about it. Told me that he loves her but that she has cheated as recently as 3 years ago (unbeknownst to me) but won't leave her. Has lost bunches of weight due to stress. Showed me some texts between them. I encouraged him to go to counseling and I have encouraged her to do the same previously. He is, she isn't. He joked that maybe the two of us should hook up and I told him that wouldn't solve anything and that he was my friends' husband. This whole time he was crying and finally asked for a hug, please. So I hugged him and sent him on his way.
> 
> Then H started texting me saying he's always wanted to "get" with me, how it would be so good "you know it would" etc. I am either not answering or saying not gonna happen. He has called a few times but never leaves messages. Finally he texted me to call him. I didn't. I notice BFF exceptionally chilly. I wonder if she saw his texts and thinks I encourage it. Yesterday she asked for the name of my attorney saying a "coworker's daughter's husband is cheating, the wife is oblivious and just wants out". Not sure if it's really someone else or she is referring to herself. He isn't cheating tho.
> 
> Again, the older I get the more I see people who aren't emotionally healthy. And the more I realize it takes a while for true colors to show. And it's disappointing.


Trainwreck.........geezus 0_0
Unfortunately I can relate LOL


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> Same here - it seems he has taken the hint. And meanwhile she seems to have backed away from me tho the last time we got together she posted on FB how great it was to hang with her BFF for the first time in a long while.
> 
> If I tell BFF it will forever screw up our group socializing if they stay together. If I don't and she finds out she may be mad that I didn't tell her. Heck she may be mad anyway - I've done it before (back when married) and the wife said I MUST have done something to encourage him for him to think it was OK.
> 
> So I kind of feel damned if I do/damned if I don't. Honest I don't think he's attracted to me - I think he's lonely and hurt and mad and maybe wanted to get back at her for her suspected cheating.
> 
> *He's a hard worker (landscaping) but he isn't interesting to me at all. When he isn't working it's all about sports. No other interests or hobbies at all. Conversation very limited except about his kid/wife. Zero attraction to him and I'm happy about that!*


Uhhh are you trying to convince your self out of something there Enjoli?!
Uh oh


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Yeah l'm thinking of reverting back to my all time original of just doing my theng.


Do it WH!!!!! 

I am also embracing myself and so far am having one of the best summers in my life.

I will be going to the U.P. At least 3 times, heading to the pinky area of michigan 4 times....oh man, haven't been outside and up north this much since way before I met my ex.

Loving it. 

Go enjoy yourself - what do YOU want to do with your free time?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

SoVeryLost said:


> Sometimes you just need a nice, long break. After my last and most recent attempt with a guy I've decided to take a hiatus from dating for quite some time. Putting my energy elsewhere - registered for a half marathon this fall and my training schedule now takes up most of the little free time I have. And you know what? It's sooooo much less stressful. I'm loving it.


Me too. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have walls up. I have always just fallen into new relationships when mine would end, I never had any problems finding someone even though I wasnt looking. Of course none have worked out, so here I am! The walls are new to me, and I am glad that they are there for now, because clearly something needs to stop me!  

For now, I am good on my own. I havent felt like being social very much recently. Its not like I am HIDING, but I have been working on a bunch of hobby stuff for an upcoming show and trip in less than two weeks, and I have just been enjoying my me time at home. I am going to need to take on a part time job in addition to my full time one, things are bad in my house money-wise. (thanks in part to my XH not paying me the money he agreed to in our divorce! ) So, I will hardly have any time to date very soon. Thats probably a very good thing. 

I do not want to settle for anything less than a big fat FVCK YES for my next relationship.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I was in school and not dating seriously for nearly three years. Lost my boyfriend to a brain hemorrhage (he survived, but his family took him away for guardianship) and that kept me from dating anyone seriously for a while though I tried nobody ever made the cut to be just as important as my studies and work (though they tried, freeloaders!) Then it became a habit, always putting my stuff first, met a nice guy we have been friends for almost a year and that has been a good relationship, well-bonded, and have a til death do us part relationship forged with a work partner which is a different type of commitment but up there in high quality 'realm' which really adds value to life. Meanwhile my kids have matured and we are sort of a tight family unit and have fun together but also my travels abroad have solidified my skills in having a nice time on my own, I know what I like and don't necessarily need someone to share it with. Would be nice but don't even need it to be permanent, what is permanent anyhow? Could have a week long date and never see a guy again and still have it be rewarding. My view of the world has certainly changed. Not sure if it was the therapy, the maturation through liberal arts studies, more experience dating (and not) world travel or what.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Do it WH!!!!!
> 
> I am also embracing myself and so far am having one of the best summers in my life.
> 
> I will be going to the U.P. At least 3 times, heading to the pinky area of michigan 4 times....oh man, haven't been outside and up north this much since way before I met my ex.
> 
> Loving it.
> 
> Go enjoy yourself - what do YOU want to do with your free time?



Good on you Vi and yep l reckon l might do just that too.
Perfect time for it too bc l just moved into my new rental and area 2days ago.
Our old place is sold , been working like a dog getting that ready and moving , l've serious earn't some chill me time :smthumbup:
lots of beach around me , great big river lake at the end on my new street and l should have some money in the bank for once , no property to worry about.

l think l'll just live for awhile and do whatever the fk l feel like doing for once


----------



## whitehawk

First thing on the agenda is a mth off .


----------



## Another Planet

To all the other deletists out there, just don't bother get rid of them 
If its not a FVCK yes whats the point?


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah too right . Really , if it's not a fk yes then it's most likely a fk no and just more of just doing what you always do to just get what you always got l reckon.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah too right . Really , if it's not a fk yes then it's most likely a fk no and just more of just doing what you always do to just get what you always got l reckon.


It's got to be a fvck yes somewhere in the equation so if its not and you spend more time fighting for something then enjoying a situation it's a big NO. Pretty easy IMO

PS it doesn't have to be perfect to be a fvck yes by the way. Sometimes fvck yes's are a "what they are", just an appreciation for what you need at the moment. If it keeps going after the initial fvck yes then you might have a winner


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah for me it's been fkg bs. like some stupid merry go round. But every wk l've just gone on meeting more soso's , why ? - because they're there .
Thing is l know they're soso's before l even bother , wtf  . You think you might as well have some fun but that's bs, l'm sick of it .
lf there's no one actually real deal to choose from at the time then why bother l thinks a better way to go for me. Better of having some you fun , time, go live .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> So for me, this if fkg bs. lt's been like some stupid merry go round. But every wk l just go on meeting more soso's , why ? - because they're there .
> The thing is l know they're soso's before l even bother , wtf  . That's bs, l'm sick of it .
> lf there's no one actually real deal to choose from at the time then why bother !


Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different response? 
Just do yourself and it seems to just happen when you least expect. We always talk about desperation as a cue for crazy but isn't the whole online dating thing just a giant cue of desperation? Like you are putting yourself out there on a massive scale hoping and waiting that finally the one will come to you?


----------



## Another Planet

By no means am I dogging on the online dating thing obviously I met my GF on Match but the way people treat it is the problem. They think a profile will finally find them the ONE, sometimes sure but the odds are not in your favor. You are better off just growing yourself and doing your thing and lucking out than playing the numbers game and hoping the next one will finally be different.


----------



## whitehawk

What's flipped me around again is well one , beach house. Yeah it didn't work out but at least it was actually there for me .

Meantime l've gone and met 2 more soso's since on my date site in 8 -9 days.
Same old , nice girls. Talk a bit , meet up and hu , l'm not interested - again !

Yeah l'm not choosing all that wisely but there hasn't really been much in there of late but hey , good time to walk away for awhile is a better way to go l think.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> *So I have to ask - did your ex watch tv 24x7??*
> 
> I know thats why I cancelled all TV - I was just sick of it. And its just stupid expensive.
> 
> I do agree with you about Hulu though - I love the shows available, esp the Tonight Show with JF.


Bingo! He needed to have it on all the time, and it was a tool he used to shut me out. 

(Whereas I grew up very rarely watching tv, and as an adult I didn't have a tv until I moved in with XH.) 

He would insist that I not make other plans on Sundays, because that was the only time we both had off work and it was our "together time," and then he would spend all day glued to the TV and ignore me. And he would purposely put on shows he knew I found offensive and refuse to change the channel, and then get pissed when I would leave the room.


----------



## whitehawk

Haha yeah, my worst enemy is myself when l get bored. And it's so easy to meet someone 
l'll usually just think oh , might go talk to her for awhile and in comes another one but that just wastes your time again and again . 
l think the sites have potential for a few lucky ones but your spot on . People do seem to think they're just gonna write up a page , click and soon bingo , a long's gonna come their order .

Originally l was gonna just join and browse so that if by some long shot someone really special did pop up l could maybe meet her .
But in all honesty no one really has as yet so l've just gone of meeting others for something to do really and the cycle continued .


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> There are a lot of resources online. I took like 5 or 6 self-assessment exams (serious ones, not like the BS quizzes you might find in a magazine like Cosmo), and the results were all very consistent. The challenge is to make sure you respond truthfully--the way you really act--and not answer with what you know is the "right" or "healthy" answer. Because I know what the "right" answer is, and I know what I should do, but in practice, it all goes right out the window.
> 
> There's one here that I thought was pretty thorough.
> 
> I consistently get (mild) disorganized/disoriented attachment; I've done some research, and it seems to apply to me, especially when considered in the context of my relationship with my mother and the way I was raised.
> 
> It's compelled me to take a closer look at myself and the way I react to others, and work towards something healthier.


Whitehawk, click the link above for the test.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks Fem
l got 2 and 2.5 , so apparently l'm a secure person. 
Pretty surprising well , in one way anyway. In that l've just been dumped after 18yrs, although l do know full well where it went wrong and where l fkd up.
The secure dumpee , spose that's a good thing !
Or maybe it's the simply stupid dumpee :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Yesterday over drinks at happy hour with a girlfriend, we got on the subject of dating and I was telling her about some of my "friends'" stories. I said:

-There is the one who is fed up with/taking a break from online dating (ViBride)
-The one who online dates a lot and when one doesn't work out, she gets right back in there again (Unsure)
-The one who had a two-month-long texting relationship with someone he met on a dating site before meeting her and now they are a thing (AnotherPlanet)
-The one who is on a constant quest for a FWB which usually ends when the woman develops feelings (RandomDude) and got thrown for a loop when a woman wanted to use him as a "boytoy" (lol)

Do you guys ever discuss us with your real life friends? 

Hollywood should make a movie about us. Which actors would play us?

In fact, we should each say who we think would play who (but not ourselves) so we can see how each of us view the other through actors. Lol.

I'll go first:

AnotherPlanet: Zac Efron
RandomDude: Hugh Grant
Unsure: Rose Byrne


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Another Planet said:


> Uhhh are you trying to convince your self out of something there Enjoli?!
> Uh oh


Nope. Just pointing out that I don't think he's really interested in me, but even if he were, I have zero interest in him. And it's not that he's hideous, just zero interest. He's like a brother only I'd have more in common with a brother, LOL


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> Whitehawk, click the link above for the test.


Interesting test. 



> According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.44, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.89, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).


I got "secure", so I guess I am dealing with my divorce pretty well, lol!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> Yesterday over drinks at happy hour with a girlfriend, we got on the subject of dating and I was telling her about some of my "friends'" stories. I said:
> 
> -There is the one who is fed up with/taking a break from online dating (ViBride)
> -The one who online dates a lot and when one doesn't work out, she gets right back in there again (Unsure)
> -The one who had a two-month-long texting relationship with someone he met on a dating site before meeting her and now they are a thing (AnotherPlanet)
> -The one who is on a constant quest for a FWB which usually ends when the woman develops feelings (RandomDude) and got thrown for a loop when a woman wanted to use him as a "boytoy" (lol)
> 
> Do you guys ever discuss us with your real life friends?
> 
> Hollywood should make a movie about us. Which actors would play us?
> 
> In fact, we should each say who we think would play who (but not ourselves) so we can see how each of us view the other through actors. Lol.
> 
> I'll go first:
> 
> AnotherPlanet: Zac Efron
> RandomDude: Hugh Grant
> Unsure: Rose Byrne


I've used examples of what I've read on here while discussing things with others in my life. Typically it's when someone starts talking to me about an issue and if I can back up what I've been through with similar things I've read, I'll use that knowledge and try to give advice.

As for the actor/actress thing .. I'm just going to say Dolly is Bridget Jones. Bahahahaha. (I know she's a character ... but it's the first thing that popped into my head).


----------



## angstire

Jellybeans said:


> Yesterday over drinks at happy hour with a girlfriend, we got on the subject of dating and I was telling her about some of my "friends'" stories. I said:
> 
> -There is the one who is fed up with/taking a break from online dating (ViBride)
> -The one who online dates a lot and when one doesn't work out, she gets right back in there again (Unsure)
> -The one who had a two-month-long texting relationship with someone he met on a dating site before meeting her and now they are a thing (AnotherPlanet)
> -The one who is on a constant quest for a FWB which usually ends when the woman develops feelings (RandomDude) and got thrown for a loop when a woman wanted to use him as a "boytoy" (lol)
> 
> Do you guys ever discuss us with your real life friends?
> 
> Hollywood should make a movie about us. Which actors would play us?
> 
> In fact, we should each say who we think would play who (but not ourselves) so we can see how each of us view the other through actors. Lol.
> 
> I'll go first:
> 
> AnotherPlanet: Zac Efron
> RandomDude: Hugh Grant
> Unsure: Rose Byrne


Yes, I do talk about you guys as examples of awesomeness (and also the ups and downs of dating after getting hurt badly).

JB is Anna Kendrick


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yesterday over drinks at happy hour with a girlfriend, we got on the subject of dating and I was telling her about some of my "friends'" stories. I said:
> 
> -There is the one who is fed up with/taking a break from online dating (ViBride)
> -The one who online dates a lot and when one doesn't work out, she gets right back in there again (Unsure)
> -The one who had a two-month-long texting relationship with someone he met on a dating site before meeting her and now they are a thing (AnotherPlanet)
> -The one who is on a constant quest for a FWB which usually ends when the woman develops feelings (RandomDude) and got thrown for a loop when a woman wanted to use him as a "boytoy" (lol)
> 
> Do you guys ever discuss us with your real life friends?
> 
> Hollywood should make a movie about us. Which actors would play us?
> 
> In fact, we should each say who we think would play who (but not ourselves) so we can see how each of us view the other through actors. Lol.
> 
> I'll go first:
> 
> AnotherPlanet: Zac Efron
> RandomDude: Hugh Grant
> Unsure: Rose Byrne


Eventhough you did not mention me:

Rosario Dawson!!!!!!!!!!!! should totally play me~


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Yes, I do but I'm pretty careful about how I say I "know" you guys... I kind of want to not sensor myself here so I don't want everyone to find it. 

Although I wondered if Bubba was my ex since kiddo has seen the screen and knows I come here - she said "Talk about marriage? You aren't married why are you on there?" And I said "There's a section for life after divorce where we give advice and support". So she might have told him. 

He obsessively followed me on another message board once. If so, he has zero life. I mean, what is he going to find out here that's useful to him legally or personally? Maybe he just likes knowing I can't get away from him? Hey, if I were trying I wouldn't have my picture as my avatar. Whatever.

I've met people in RL I met on the internet from message boards, dating sites, etc. It's no different than the real world IMO - same mixed nuts.


----------



## moxy

NE, we are too much alike, sometimes, lol. If you go back to the celebrity doppelgänger thread, I chose Rosario Dawson, too. Mainly because when I was thinner than I am now, that's who people thought I looked like; I don't really see it, but then, we seldom really see ourselves. I have to say, though, my appearance changes often and substantially in many ways. If Rosario Dawson is taken, I'll say Alex Kingston as River Song, more for the attitude than the appearance, or Jenna Coleman as Clara who reminds me of myself when I was in high school and college.


----------



## ne9907

I am beginning to feel as if I like high drama events in my life. Which is alarming as I have always avoided drama before.

For example, on monday night blue eyes had told me he was out of town. Yesterday, I texted him asking if he was back in town. He said he was still out of town (about 300 miles away).

Last night I was bored, so I logged into Tinder, which I had long ago deleted. In any event, blue eyes shows as a match and it shows he is in town! 

I debated what to do. Ultimately, I sent him a text saying something along the lines that "dishonesty upsets me, you don't owe me anything, but you need to delete my number and never contact me again." I also put in the text that I logged into Tinder and knew he was in town because of his geographical location.

I was upset, not because he was on Tinder, but because he was dishonest about it. I cannot stand lies, or anything resembling an obmission of truth. 

He texted me this morning asking if I was still upset. I texted back with "Why are you texting me? oh, and that is a rhetorical question!!" and deleted his number yet again.

I do not want to block him, because his number will be stored in my phone and I can access it anytime I want. I rather not have access to it. 
I have never before deleted the same number from my phone so many times lol!!


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> I am beginning to feel as if I like high drama events in my life. Which is alarming as I have always avoided drama before.
> 
> For example, on monday night blue eyes had told me he was out of town. Yesterday, I texted him asking if he was back in town. He said he was still out of town (about 300 miles away).
> 
> Last night I was bored, so I logged into Tinder, which I had long ago deleted. In any event, blue eyes shows as a match and it shows he is in town!
> 
> I debated what to do. Ultimately, I sent him a text saying something along the lines that "dishonesty upsets me, you don't owe me anything, but you need to delete my number and never contact me again." I also put in the text that I logged into Tinder and knew he was in town because of his geographical location.
> 
> I was upset, not because he was on Tinder, but because he was dishonest about it. I cannot stand lies, or anything resembling an obmission of truth.
> 
> He texted me this morning asking if I was still upset. I texted back with "Why are you texting me? oh, and that is a rhetorical question!!" and deleted his number yet again.
> 
> I do not want to block him, because his number will be stored in my phone and I can access it anytime I want. I rather not have access to it.
> I have never before deleted the same number from my phone so many times lol!!


Boys Lie NE...it happens a looooot


Yes, I talk about you guys sometimes, usually just the amusing stories... 

hmm im not good with coming up with the whole movie start thing...


----------



## Nsweet

Of course you like the high! You're addicted to to the drama because you're not ready to accept his rejection. Could also be a little loneliness making it feel worse. 

I went though this similar situation for years with ex gfs and my ex wife before realizing that those types of relationships were not healthy. I mean if you get a rush out of chasing someone who doesn't want you.... You're straight up addicted to receiving attention and approval from someone who probably doesn't deserve it anyways. 

*NE, are you ready to move on from this guy or do you need more time?* It's ok if you're not ready to accept his rejection. Just try to remind yourself that there are plenty of other guys out there who won't play games like this. If he doesn't want you, dozens of other guys will. You'll probably find a good 1 out of every 10 that you can see dating for a while.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Of course you like the high! You're addicted to to the drama because you're not ready to accept his rejection. Could also be a little loneliness making it feel worse.
> 
> 
> *NE, are you ready to move on from this guy or do you need more time?*


I am totally ready.
Loneliness does play a big part in it. 

I should know that boys lie, come on!! I was married to one of the best liars and manipulators in the world. Why was I even surprised? 

USA!!!!!! beat Germany!


----------



## vi_bride04

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udlzRaB-pKg

Crazy dog lady status here I come LOL 

But seriously, how many guys would run away fast from a single woman who had this setup?


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am totally ready.
> Loneliness does play a big part in it.
> 
> I should know that boys lie, come on!! I was married to one of the best liars and manipulators in the world. Why was I even surprised?
> 
> USA!!!!!! beat Germany!


So you're ready to delete blue eyes from your phone and move on?

Sounds like it to me.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> You're straight up addicted to receiving attention and approval from someone who probably doesn't deserve it anyways.


Yep, totally true! Except I wanted approval from mom, dad, siblings, and never got it. That is why I joined the Army right after high school!!! I felt like an outsider in my own home.



Nsweet said:


> So you're ready to delete blue eyes from your phone and move on?
> 
> Sounds like it to me.


I have deleted his number about 5 times. He keeps texting and I keep answering. But I am done with him. I seriously HATE dishonesty!
It makes my blood boil! DO NOT make me a fvcking fool! and if you are going to try, at least buy me something expensive haha!


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> I've used examples of what I've read on here while discussing things with others in my life. Typically it's when someone starts talking to me about an issue and if I can back up what I've been through with similar things I've read, I'll use that knowledge and try to give advice.
> 
> As for the actor/actress thing .. I'm just going to say Dolly is Bridget Jones. Bahahahaha. (I know she's a character ... but it's the first thing that popped into my head).


I'll do this, too. Or, if y'all have advised me on something, I may say my friend advised me in this way. But that's usually it.


----------



## Nsweet

NE, I mean absolutely no disrespect to you when I say this.... You need to read about codependency. You have a lot of the traits, and from what you just said about your past, it's there. 

That's not to say you aren't a wonderful person. It's just that if you were to understand this and work on this you would probably have a better time with relationships. Maybe not be so hung up on their approval because you'll approve of yourself and love yourself no matter what.

Just a thought.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, apparently Julianne Moore would play me in a movie, according to this website:

Celebrity Look Alike Generator - Find What Celebrity Do You Look Like!

(I know the original idea was to pick an actor for someone else, but I couldn't resist.)

I like Julianne Moore. Totally happy with that outcome. (Runners up included Meryl Streep and Bridget Fonda.)

EDIT: And Beyonce. Apparently I look like Beyonce. A blue-eyed, red-headed, freckled Irish girl looks like Beyonce. OK.


----------



## 06Daddio08

So I have the rest of this week and next week off, went to my physical therapy appointment for my back and figured I'd swing by to see the kids on their lunch break at school.

S6 is just finishing up Kindergarten and he doesn't have school in the PM, he asked me if he could come hang out at my place until his mom picks him up. I left the ex a message saying I was taking him for the afternoon.

While coming upstairs he starts telling me about his trip to see his mom's boyfriend (lives 3+ hours away) last weekend. Telling me this and that, as we walked. He then said the funniest / cutest thing, simply because of how innocent these kids really are in all of this.

"Maybe next time you can come with us to visit *IBF* (Internet Boyfriend), that would be fun!". I gave him a hug as we walked and said that wasn't going to happen. He asked me why and all I could say was "We aren't friends, that's moms friend bud". All he said in reply was. "oh, okay".

When the kids came over for their weekly visit yesterday D7 and I baked 50+ "end of school year" cookies. During that time D7 asked me where I got a certain glass I had, I told her I didn't recall and she asks "Did you have it when you and mom were living together?", I said probably. She then asks, "Was that when you and mom fell in love?" I gave her a kind chuckle and said probably.

She then said, "Ooooo, you guys were in looooove.".

Didn't even upset me, it was just too cute.


----------



## Jellybeans

angstire said:


> Yes, I do talk about you guys as examples of awesomeness (and also the ups and downs of dating after getting hurt badly).
> 
> JB is Anna Kendrick


Sweet. I like her.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> NE, I mean absolutely no disrespect to you when I say this.... You need to read about codependency. You have a lot of the traits, and from what you just said about your past, it's there.
> 
> That's not to say you aren't a wonderful person. It's just that if you were to understand this and work on this you would probably have a better time with relationships. Maybe not be so hung up on their approval because you'll approve of yourself and love yourself no matter what.
> 
> Just a thought.


I agree, I believe my new therapist is going to help me loads in this department. It is perhaps a defense mechanism that I believe I am a great catch. Realistically, I did not expect nor want a relationship with blue eyes. 

Btw, We lost against Germany but we still advance! GO USA!!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

This Blue Eyes guy is a player. Don't waste any time on or with him. He should just be remembered as an annoying dead end.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

UGH!!! The freaking nerve of some people...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...86-honest-question-about-affairs-divorce.html


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I agree, I believe my new therapist is going to help me loads in this department. It is perhaps a defense mechanism that I believe I am a great catch. Realistically, I did not expect nor want a relationship with blue eyes.
> 
> Btw, We lost against Germany but we still advance! GO USA!!!


Sort of like how "nice guys" convince themselves that they're a perfect catch and that any woman who dumps them is just a wh*re. 

Yeah, total defense mechanism. 


And part of that is recognizing that there are different people out there and not every one is going to like you. In fact they're doing you a favor by rejecting you and not wasting anymore than is necessary of your time or mental energy. Rejection just goes to show you that you have to keep trying, and that's ok.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This Blue Eyes guy is a player. Don't waste any time on or with him. He should just be remembered as an annoying dead end.


I have been played!!! You are so right, this had never happened to me before!

It is rather funny!

Strangely, I am in a happy mood


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> UGH!!! The freaking nerve of some people...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...86-honest-question-about-affairs-divorce.html


I read a bit. Some people are clueless about how their actions deeply damage others.....


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I have been played!!! You are so right, this had never happened to me before!
> 
> It is rather funny!
> 
> Strangely, I am in a happy mood


I'm sorry, but you played yourself. Don't blame others for your inability to see things for what they are when you subconsciously refuse to.

Which is what happened in this case.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I have been played!!! You are so right, this had never happened to me before!
> 
> It is rather funny!
> 
> Strangely, I am in a happy mood


You're so funny! Never happened before :rofl:

But honestly, if someone is being weird like that, being local and telling you otherwise, you don't even need to call them out on it or anything like that. Just delete them and if they do call or text, say, text back and say I am only going to say this once, do not ever call or text me or try to get in touch with me by any means whatsoever, including third parties or any kind of stalking. If they text back, say, that's your one time, next time is harassment. I meant what I said.

You don't have to give them ANY explanation at all.
You know what they did, are you hoping he would try to prove you wrong? What would be the point?


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm sorry, but you played yourself. Don't blame others for your inability to see things for what they are when you subconsciously refuse to.
> 
> Which is what happened in this case.


Ouch! Burn.... haha
that is all right Daddio, one day I shall make it to the big leagues


----------



## unsure78

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This Blue Eyes guy is a player. Don't waste any time on or with him. He should just be remembered as an annoying dead end.


Not every experience that doesn't turn into LTR (or whatever it is you want) is a waste of time... the question is did you learn something either about relationships or about yourself from this experience with blue eyes? If yes, then it wasn't a waste of time..

There are many stops in the journey that is life, not all of them are the end goal. As long as you learn something, take that knowledge moving forward and use it, (and not destroying yourself in the process) you are winning!


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Not every experience that doesn't turn into LTR (or whatever it is you want) is a waste of time... the question is did you learn something either about relationships or about yourself from this experience with blue eyes? If yes, then it wasn't a waste of time..
> 
> There are many stops in the journey that is life, not all of them are the end goal. As long as you learn something, take that knowledge moving forward and use it, (and not destroying yourself in the process) you are winning!


I honestly think I have lost some ability to feel emotions. To me, this situation is funny. I feel no loss, no sadness, I was upset last night, but even now that feeling is gone. Too cynical? Trying to use hilarity as a defense mechanism? 
All I know is that I am not sad things ended, it was never meant to be long lasting, I did not invest any feelings.

Oh, I do like what HMU said: do not give them any explanation. Just state my desire to be left alone.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Ouch! Burn.... haha
> that is all right Daddio, one day I shall make it to the big leagues


It's all the same league, but he stuck around because you wanted him to.


----------



## ne9907

MOXY!!!!

There is a user named: Moxiesbuddy.
Do you know him?


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> I honestly think I have lost some ability to feel emotions. To me, this situation is funny. I feel no loss, no sadness, I was upset last night, but even now that feeling is gone. Too cynical? Trying to use hilarity as a defense mechanism?
> All I know is that I am not sad things ended, it was never meant to be long lasting, I did not invest any feelings.
> 
> Oh, I do like what HMU said: do not give them any explanation. Just state my desire to be left alone.


NE im guessing you are actually feeling a bit right now and just trying to convince yourself that you don't...

you have said several times you didn't feel anything for him, but then you keep going back... keep answering the texts


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hey, don't worry about people like Blue Eyes, sometimes you can only tell how people are when you give them an opportunity for them to show you how they are. Don't go getting defense mechanisms to keep people like this away, but just become more efficient at flushing them unapologetically when you see a big expiry date stamped on their foreheads.

I find it's much easier to be completely open and not to question veracity or anything like that. It gives the liars confidence (unwarranted confidence, but whatever) and so they get a little sloppy about it. Makes it much easier. A real catch is not going to lie to you at all. This is why it takes a while to build a relationship...it's not the qualifying process, it's the time required to truly disqualify. If you feel consistently bad around someone and not relaxed, it's a sign to let them go. That's different from being occasionally peeved with someone and needing to establish boundaries or communicate your feelings and allow them to adjust behavior (with you reciprocating if they also communicate to you about things or what makes them peeved.)


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> UGH!!! The freaking nerve of some people...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...86-honest-question-about-affairs-divorce.html


Yeah I wonder if that is a troll. Or she is so completely self-unaware to the point of being revolting.

And notice she will not say at all ever who the guy is on TAM who she is having the affair with. 

Whatevs.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> MOXY!!!!
> 
> There is a user named: Moxiesbuddy.
> Do you know him?


I spotted that, too. Joined TAM in 2013, only a handful of posts.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I spotted that, too. Joind TAM in 2013, only a handful of posts.


Moxie stalker!!! ooo your TAM stalker seemed to have dissapeared


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I wonder if that is a troll. Or she is so completely self-unaware to the point of being revolting.
> 
> And notice she will not say at all ever who the guy is on TAM who she is having the affair with.
> 
> Whatevs.


Zanne? 

Yeah. She's a piece of work. I feel bad for her family.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> NE im guessing you are actually feeling a bit right now and just trying to convince yourself that you don't...
> 
> you have said several times you didn't feel anything for him, but then you keep going back... keep answering the texts


You are probably right. Our dates were always fun, movies, dinner, beach, etc etc etc.
I keep saying that I never saw a future because of some of his physical attributes. In the long run, I would have overlooked them. I am sure of that.


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian told I me last night she wanted to fly in to Denver and spend the 4th of July with me.

I'm still not sure I want to start things back up, but boy the thought of her being here excites the hell out of me.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> You are probably right. Our dates were always fun, movies, dinner, beach, etc etc etc.
> I keep saying that I never saw a future because of some of his physical attributes. In the long run, I would have overlooked them. I am sure of that.


What attributes?


----------



## 06Daddio08

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told I me last night she wanted to fly in to Denver and spend the 4th of July with me.
> 
> I'm still not sure I want to start things back up, but boy the thought of her being here excites the hell out of me.


What aren't you sure about?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told I me last night she wanted to fly in to Denver and spend the 4th of July with me.
> 
> I'm still not sure I want to start things back up, but boy the thought of her being here excites the hell out of me.


Go for it,


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Yesterday over drinks at happy hour with a girlfriend, we got on the subject of dating and I was telling her about some of my "friends'" stories. I said:
> 
> -There is the one who is fed up with/taking a break from online dating (ViBride)
> -The one who online dates a lot and when one doesn't work out, she gets right back in there again (Unsure)
> -The one who had a two-month-long texting relationship with someone he met on a dating site before meeting her and now they are a thing (AnotherPlanet)
> -The one who is on a constant quest for a FWB which usually ends when the woman develops feelings (RandomDude) and got thrown for a loop when a woman wanted to use him as a "boytoy" (lol)
> 
> Do you guys ever discuss us with your real life friends?
> 
> Hollywood should make a movie about us. Which actors would play us?
> 
> In fact, we should each say who we think would play who (but not ourselves) so we can see how each of us view the other through actors. Lol.
> 
> I'll go first:
> 
> *AnotherPlanet: Zac Efron*
> RandomDude: Hugh Grant
> Unsure: Rose Byrne


ROFL OMFG that is hilarious!!! 

For the record it was like 3 months  
And yes I have talked about you guys with tangible people in my life. 

I will have to think a bit on the actors for you guys...maybe later tonight


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Yep, totally true! Except I wanted approval from mom, dad, siblings, and never got it. That is why I joined the Army right after high school!!! I felt like an outsider in my own home.


Me, too. Minus the army, except that I tend to spend a bit of time with military dudes when I'm single. I joined Academia, instead.


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Not every experience that doesn't turn into LTR (or whatever it is you want) is a waste of time... the question is did you learn something either about relationships or about yourself from this experience with blue eyes? If yes, then it wasn't a waste of time..


I agree with this whole-heartedly. It is for this very reasons that I do take lots of impulsive risks; something new is a kind of knowledge and knowledge is inherently powerful, in my opinion, as well as being especially valuable in the building self-awareness.



06Daddio08 said:


> but he stuck around because you wanted him to.


Yes. And, I suspect that ne does have feelings for blue-eyes, but is trying to set them aside because she sees that it isn't working like that. 



ne9907 said:


> MOXY!!!!
> 
> There is a user named: Moxiesbuddy.
> Do you know him?


Haha. No, I don't. I wonder if there is a "Moxie" with the -ie spelling....?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> PetChatz® ~ Greet & Treat Your Pets from Anywhere, Anytime - YouTube
> 
> Crazy dog lady status here I come LOL
> 
> But seriously, how many guys would run away fast from a single woman who had this setup?


I wouldn't! That is pretty cool IMO

I know you were kind of joking but I have done a lot of self reflection and have just plain old given in to the fact that you need to be who you are, you need to do what you love most, and the people that are going to be in your life are going to love you for you and if someone can't appreciate that you happen to love what you love then they should not be in your life period. 
Rejection from a person who belittles you or makes you feel like you shouldn't be yourself is a blessing...get those people out of your life pronto!

You love your dog, someone should be so lucky to be with someone who has the ability to love something. They should see that maybe you can show the same love to them someday if they don't be an *******.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> So, apparently Julianne Moore would play me in a movie, according to this website:
> 
> Celebrity Look Alike Generator - Find What Celebrity Do You Look Like!
> 
> (I know the original idea was to pick an actor for someone else, but I couldn't resist.)
> 
> I like Julianne Moore. Totally happy with that outcome. (Runners up included Meryl Streep and Bridget Fonda.)
> 
> EDIT: And Beyonce. Apparently I look like Beyonce. A blue-eyed, red-headed, freckled Irish girl looks like Beyonce. OK.


Something about Jullianne Moore I have always been attracted to!


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> Moxie stalker!!! ooo your TAM stalker seemed to have dissapeared


Really? Oh, wow. Now I am extra curious. What were the posts, anyone remember or notice?



bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told I me last night she wanted to fly in to Denver and spend the 4th of July with me.
> 
> I'm still not sure I want to start things back up, but boy the thought of her being here excites the hell out of me.





06Daddio08 said:


> What aren't you sure about?


I don't understand why you don't what to give it another go. She seems to think it's worth a risk. You seem to still like her. You ended things not because you didn't like her, but because you had some anxieties about things related to future projections about the relationship (to some extent). From what I can see, you weren't really dissatisfied with what you had with her, but were just uncertain that it could meet all the potential you hoped for in a partner. I might be summarizing that unfairly, but, I mean no disrespect. Is it just the age thing and the intellectual fulfillment thing? Can you not overlook the age thing and seek mental stimulation through other pursuits? I am not trying to belittle those concerns, as we all do think about stuff like that. I just think that you sounded happier about life when you were with her and that you got a bit anxious after that drunk-dial situation (or party situation) and distanced yourself by rationalizing the other objections and utilizing the "don't lead her on" stuff from the forum to back yourself up; I got the impression that you had mixed feelings about letting that relationship go. I'm not suggesting that you marry her or trying to push you toward a relationship, I just think that it's worth honestly examining the dynamics of why you split and why you are not sure that you want to continue.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> UGH!!! The freaking nerve of some people...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...86-honest-question-about-affairs-divorce.html


WTF


----------



## bandit.45

06Daddio08 said:


> What aren't you sure about?


After my love affair debacle last year I have been doing everything not to let myself get attached to any woman. It's been hard not to with Syrian and I look for every difference between the two of us as an excuse to justify not letting her "in".


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, apparently Julianne Moore would play me in a movie, according to this website:
> 
> Celebrity Look Alike Generator - Find What Celebrity Do You Look Like!
> 
> (I know the original idea was to pick an actor for someone else, but I couldn't resist.)
> 
> I like Julianne Moore. Totally happy with that outcome. (Runners up included Meryl Streep and Bridget Fonda.)
> 
> EDIT: And Beyonce. Apparently I look like Beyonce. A blue-eyed, red-headed, freckled Irish girl looks like Beyonce. OK.


I tried to do this test, but the program did not recognize any of pictures. Guess I am a vampire.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> After my love affair debacle last year I have been doing everything not to let myself get attached to any woman. It's been hard not to with Syrian and I look for every difference between the two of us as an excuse to justify not letting her "in".


But did you die???

(OMG EDIT!!! it sounds really rude, it is actually a joke, sorry Bandit. I have the best of romantic intentions for you and Syrian when I wrote that statement!!)

Nope, you did not die. Let her in, you will never know what might happen~

She actually sounds like she cares about you a lot. Good luck Bandit!


----------



## ne9907

on unrelated news, blue eyes just texted me a picture of him in (out of town).

I did not reply and deleted his text. If he texts again, I shall follow HNU advise.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> So, apparently Julianne Moore would play me in a movie, according to this website:
> 
> Celebrity Look Alike Generator - Find What Celebrity Do You Look Like!
> 
> (I know the original idea was to pick an actor for someone else, but I couldn't resist.)


This Celebrity Look-Alike Generator, which I think is weirdly calibrated, tells me I look like Mira Sorvino, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, and Kim Kardashian. The second tier lists Kristin Scott Thomas, Jessica Alba, Diane Lane, and Jennifer Lopez. 

Yeah, right!? I think the generator is confused. 

I bet that a different picture would yield very different results. My sis, on the other hand could be Angelina Jolie's twin; looks very much like her. I do NOT see the similarity here between myself and any of those ladies, though they are all super hot. I also wish I had any of their figures. Again, so much of this depends upon the calibration of the gaze...


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> This Celebrity Look-Alike Generator, which I think is weirdly calibrated, tells me I look like Mira Sorvino, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, and Kim Kardashian. The second tier lists Kristin Scott Thomas, Jessica Alba, Diane Lane, and Jennifer Lopez.
> 
> Yeah, right!? I think the generator is confused.
> 
> I bet that a different picture would yield very different results. My sis, on the other hand could be Angelina Jolie's twin; looks very much like her. I do NOT see the similarity here between myself and any of those ladies, though they are all super hot. I also wish I had any of their figures. Again, so much of this depends upon the calibration of the gaze...


Why is not workin for me??
Damn, I want to know who I look like


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> After my love affair debacle last year I have been doing everything not to let myself get attached to any woman. It's been hard not to with Syrian and I look for every difference between the two of us as an excuse to justify not letting her "in".


Bandit, those fears and insecurities have absolutely nothing to do with this girl. You're worried that she's going to go off with some other party boy, but you broke her heart (being a bit dramatic for effect) and she is still hanging around because she likes you. Will you gain anything by pushing her away when it could be something? It's not like she's sending you mixed signals and you're reluctant to take the next step; you're actively shutting her out when she wants you. And, according to this post, your reason isn't that she doesn't get you all smiley, but that you don't want to feel what you felt with an ex last year. Set the past aside and ask yourself about THIS situation. Even if you don't decide to get back together with her, you could use this as an opportunity for self-growth. Whether or not you two have a fairytale reunion is irrelevant, but, by openly engaging in some critical inquiry about your situation, you might be able to shrug aside that heartache to find your own resilience.



ne9907 said:


> I tried to do this test, but the program did not recognize any of pictures. Guess I am a vampire.


That's awesome. Go sparkly bloodthirst!

Try a different picture. I had to upload three different ones before it discerned a face in the image. I think it objected to my tan.

Also, why are you bothered that he said he was out of town? I can understand being disappointed in his lie, but, you got really mad about it. Why did it push your buttons so much? Were you hoping that after the last few times you guys got together that maybe you had developed something deeper and more genuine, something other than ambiguous getting together? I know you say you have no feelings for him, but I think you do. I also think that he wants something casual and while you say you're okay with something casual, you'd really rather have something more substantive, and that when you're reminded by his actions that this isn't that, you're not just sad about it but upset with yourself that you're settling for something other than what you want. I might be totally wrong about this, but that's what it looks like to me on the outside. I don't think blue-eyes is worth your time. I think you should text him back and say, "I liked you, but you're a liar; if we can have something honest, then we should just go our separate ways." Maybe it will be an opportunity to discuss things, but maybe it will help you to let go of him.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Try a different picture. I had to upload three different ones before it discerned a face in the image. I think it objected to my tan.


lol,
i clicked on link again and I get a message reading "connection refused..... "


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Also, why are you bothered that he said he was out of town? I can understand being disappointed in his lie, but, you got really mad about it. Why did it push your buttons so much? Were you hoping that after the last few times you guys got together that maybe you had developed something deeper and more genuine, something other than ambiguous getting together? I know you say you have no feelings for him, but I think you do. I also think that he wants something casual and while you say you're okay with something casual, you'd really rather have something more substantive, and that when you're reminded by his actions that this isn't that, you're not just sad about it but upset with yourself that you're settling for something other than what you want. I might be totally wrong about this, but that's what it looks like to me on the outside. I don't think blue-eyes is worth your time. I think you should text him back and say, "I liked you, but you're a liar; if we can have something honest, then we should just go our separate ways." Maybe it will be an opportunity to discuss things, but maybe it will help you to let go of him.


No
I am not texting him anything at all. I texted him what I needed to say last night.

It made me upset because it reminded me of being married and ex husband. I always told ex: "if there is a problem please tell me about it, we can work it out"

But that fvcker (ex) chose to be dishonest about every single little fracking thing...... 

I have no tolerance for dishonesty, whether I have feelings for someone or not.

ex and blue eyes can go fvck themselves. Period.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> No
> I am not texting him anything at all. I texted him what I needed to say last night.
> 
> It made me upset because it reminded me of being married and ex husband. I always told ex: "if there is a problem please tell me about it, we can work it out"
> 
> But that fvcker (ex) chose to be dishonest about every single little fracking thing......
> 
> I have no tolerance for dishonesty, whether I have feelings for someone or not.
> 
> ex and blue eyes can go fvck themselves. Period.


This may be true but some people do lie and when guys are dating around casually they are going to tell white lies, women will too. It's more tactful than saying, "I am in town but I think I'm going to get laid by Suzanne tonight. So please don't come looking for me, it will be weird."

If you were going out with someone else that night and he said he was in town and wanted to see you, what would you have said to him? You'd have to say something, if you say you're busy that's cool, but you would have to say something, lying by omission is still lying, he would see it the same way.

It may be that you over-reacted and projected onto this casual FWB arrangement when in fact he was just following some acceptable rules for people who have multiple FWB or multiple partners. 

Maybe we should ask RD about this one...hey RD when you are going to be with one FWB and another one wants to 'see' you what do you say to #2 (or #3......)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> on unrelated news, blue eyes just texted me a picture of him in (out of town).
> 
> I did not reply and deleted his text. If he texts again, I shall follow HNU advise.


LOL, he's messing with you.
Photoshop a photo of yourself in some nice location and text back. Put some great looking guy in there too.
Hilarious.

I thought you guys were just messing around together. What does it matter if he lies or not? Maybe lower standards for FB's and use condoms for other types of lying.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This may be true but some people do lie and when guys are dating around casually they are going to tell white lies, women will too. It's more tactful than saying, "I am in town but I think I'm going to get laid by Suzanne tonight. So please don't come looking for me, it will be weird."
> 
> If you were going out with someone else that night and he said he was in town and wanted to see you, what would you have said to him? You'd have to say something, if you say you're busy that's cool, but you would have to say something, lying by omission is still lying, he would see it the same way.
> 
> It may be that you over-reacted and projected onto those casual FWB arrangement when in fact he was just following some acceptable rules for people who have multiple FWB or multiple partners.
> 
> Maybe we should ask RD about this one...hey RD when you are going to be with one FWB and another one wants to 'see' you what do you say to #2 (or #3......)





Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> LOL, he's messing with you.
> Photoshop a photo of yourself in some nice location and text back. Put some great looking guy in there too.
> Hilarious.
> 
> I thought you guys were just messing around together. What does it matter if he lies or not? Maybe lower standards for FB's and use condoms for other types of lying.


Lol, yes RD, your advise is needed!
We were.just messing around. But you all bring valid points. It is a fvck buddy arrangent, it shouldnt have bothered me as it did. 

Here is his latest text which I am still not responding, until I hear from you all.

"First off, I didnt lie, I have no reason to. Secondly, I dont care what tinder or whatever app says I am at. This is why I dont get close to people because they react and dont communicate effectively. I dont care if you ever text me again, but I dont want your last thought of me as a lier."


I dont know to make of it.


----------



## sidney2718

FeministInPink said:


> Ye Olde Double Standard.


Worse. I've heard women call other women s***s and worse. As long as that goes on, ye olde double standarde will never change.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Lol, yes RD, your advise is needed!
> We were.just messing around. But you all bring valid points. It is a fvck buddy arrangent, it shouldnt have bothered me as it did.
> 
> Here is his latest text which I am still not responding, until I hear from you all.
> 
> "First off, I didnt lie, I have no reason to. Secondly, I dont care what tinder or whatever app says I am at. This is why I dont get close to people because they react and dont communicate effectively. I dont care if you ever text me again, but I dont want your last thought of me as a lier."
> 
> 
> I dont know to make of it.


Ne if you really didnt care and he was just a potential fwb, it wouldnt matter what he said...lie or not

Who cares what his justification is, if you dont have feelings for him...

If you do have feelings, you either need to explore it or cut it off right? Once you start repeating behaviors where you are getting hurt without learning something then its prob time to move on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Ne if you really didnt care and he was just a potential fwb, it wouldnt matter what he said...lie or not
> 
> Who cares what his justification is, if you dont have feelings for him...
> 
> If you do have feelings, you either need to explore it or cut it off right? Once you start repeating behaviors where you are getting hurt without learning something then its prob time to move on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have blinded me with the light I have been trying tohide!
Wow... I have feelings for this person.

Next step would be to tell him Ihave feelings and let him turn me down... or be safe never respond.
So yes, I will tell him I have.feelings. I dont want to be safe becauseI feel I would be a coward and keeping me.from getting a bruised heart.
Whats the worst that can happen?

He says no. I will not die.


----------



## ne9907

On second thought, he can wait. I am in no hurry, plus if in the event that he reciprocates my feelings.
What do I do with Army guy? I want to meet him!!


----------



## ne9907

On second thought, he can wait. I am in no hurry, plus if in the event that he reciprocates my feelings.
What do I do with Army guy? I want to meet him!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Ne, you seem to be yo-yo'ing back and forth every other post. 

You like him
You don't
You have sex with him
You get mad at him
You delete his information
You go on a date with him
....

Then there is army guy

Guuurrrrrl....you should stay away from c0ck for awhile at least until your emotions are more even keel


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Ne, you seem to be yo-yo'ing back and forth every other post.
> 
> You like him
> You don't
> You have sex with him
> You get mad at him
> You delete his information
> You go on a date with him
> ....
> 
> Then there is army guy
> 
> Guuurrrrrl....you should stay away from c0ck for awhile at least until your emotions are more even keel


Absolutely.

i


----------



## moxy

Ne, vi is onto something. You are swinging back and forth a lot. 

Set army guy outside the equation; he's your friend and you haven't met yet and maybe things will change when you do but maybe not, so it's irrelevant to this convo about Blue Eyes. You should keep talking to him if it makes you happy, but recognize that whatever you have with Army guy may be it's own separate situation without any ties to Blue Eyes.

Either have a casual relationship with Blue Eyes, tell him you want more, or just let it go and end as it is. You're being very reactionary. Slow down and think about stuff for a bit. I know that in this thread we talk about trying on dates like hats, but...we can also try in ideas like hats, think about them a while before wearing them out the door. I think you should slow down the time between idea and action.

It sounds like you're triggering and remembering old hurts by your ex. Take a step back and process them.


----------



## moxy

Something I like about being single: I can take a nap in the nude in the middle of the evening without bothering to pick my clothes up off the floor and hit my snooze button like ten times, if I want to --- and no one is getting pissed off or annoyed about it! OK. I get that I sound like a twelve year old there, but, still -- yay!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Ne, vi is onto something. You are swinging back and forth a lot.
> 
> Set army guy outside the equation; he's your friend and you haven't met yet and maybe things will change when you do but maybe not, so it's irrelevant to this convo about Blue Eyes. You should keep talking to him if it makes you happy, but recognize that whatever you have with Army guy may be it's own separate situation without any ties to Blue Eyes.
> 
> Either have a casual relationship with Blue Eyes, tell him you want more, or just let it go and end as it is. You're being very reactionary. Slow down and think about stuff for a bit. I know that in this thread we talk about trying on dates like hats, but...we can also try in ideas like hats, think about them a while before wearing them out the door. I think you should slow down the time between idea and action.
> 
> It sounds like you're triggering and remembering old hurts by your ex. Take a step back and process them.


I am triggering a lot. I triggered last night BIG time, to the lies, the dishonesty, all the ugly aspects of my marriage.
I do need to take chill pill and be more observant instead of so reactive. 
With that said, I thank you all for the wonderful advice. Going to practice my guitar, and think about which vibrator to buy so I can quit c0ck until Iam more in control of my emotions.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Ne, start from scratch.
Even forget about Army Guy.
Let him come to you if he's interested.
If you are going to do this, you need to be flirtatious when it pays to be flirtatious and after the initial showing of interest, just be passive. You need to have rules, i.e. no chasing. Besides, it is uncool. The men like to chase, at least the kind you are looking for, if you chase them or monitor them or whatever they will lose interest. You don't want to be messing around with someone wondering if you were Plan C for their evening.
Oh, and sedatives are helpful. If you get all twisted up, take one and go to bed.
Much easier to develop restraint with a little help.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> It sounds like you're triggering and remembering old hurts by your ex. Take a step back and process them.


This.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, those fears and insecurities have absolutely nothing to do with this girl. You're worried that she's going to go off with some other party boy, but you broke her heart (being a bit dramatic for effect) and she is still hanging around because she likes you. Will you gain anything by pushing her away when it could be something? It's not like she's sending you mixed signals and you're reluctant to take the next step; you're actively shutting her out when she wants you. And, according to this post, your reason isn't that she doesn't get you all smiley, but that you don't want to feel what you felt with an ex last year. Set the past aside and ask yourself about THIS situation. Even if you don't decide to get back together with her, you could use this as an opportunity for self-growth. Whether or not you two have a fairytale reunion is irrelevant, but, by openly engaging in some critical inquiry about your situation, you might be able to shrug aside that heartache to find your own


You're right. I could easily let myself fall in love with Syrian if I wanted to. She's an exotic dream. Hard not to find anything bad about her except her proclivity for hard partying. Remember I'm a recovering alcoholic. I got to be careful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> You're right. I could easily let myself fall in love with Syrian if I wanted to. She's an exotic dream. Hard not to find anything bad about her except her proclivity for hard partying. Remember I'm a recovering alcoholic. I got to be careful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remember it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you. You are not responsible for her or her feelings. You are responsible for you and her herself, if you two mesh without giving to much of yourselves to be destructive then its good.


----------



## Another Planet

Awwww I was just FB stalking a friend cause he wants a job with me and he was the best man in a friends wedding and the maid of honor was totally eyeball fcking him in the pics at the wedding. Like all googely eyed and ****...
Why oh why don't people just try it out? What do you have to loose? You feel really good for a moment maybe! FINALLY!!!! 
Your possible moments are leaving you every second so make the best of them!


----------



## RandomDude

Huh? Someone called? =/

Sorry haven't been following lately


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Why oh why don't people just try it out? What do you have to loose? You feel really good for a moment maybe! FINALLY!!!!
> Your possible moments are leaving you every second so make the best of them!



If you get shot down, not only do you feel embarrassed, but the joy you feel in having a crush turns into a horrible slimy grey feeling. People don't want to risk that unless they're getting some assurance that the advances are welcome. On the outside, it is so obvious, but on the inside of the tension, there's a roller coaster of anxiety, sometimes.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> If you get shot down, not only do you feel embarrassed, but the joy you feel in having a crush turns into a horrible slimy grey feeling. People don't want to risk that unless they're getting some assurance that the advances are welcome. On the outside, it is so obvious, but on the inside of the tension, there's a roller coaster of anxiety, sometimes.


I understand that. Yeah but if you are an emotionally healthy person and are happy with yourself you have the ability to get shot down and move on cause you are self aware...


----------



## ne9907

I cant sleep. Went for a hike but the gate was closed, so drove up the highway to a town I have never been before. It was relaxing


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> If you get shot down, not only do you feel embarrassed, but the joy you feel in having a crush turns into a horrible slimy grey feeling. People don't want to risk that unless they're getting some assurance that the advances are welcome. On the outside, it is so obvious, but on the inside of the tension, there's a roller coaster of anxiety, sometimes.


Don't wanna be in love!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Pjs-QkjmkM


----------



## ne9907

Dear Friday
I am loving you, it has been easy going day at work. Listening to music, working, browsing, I love you!


----------



## Another Planet

My favorite candle smell. I wish it came in air freshener spray form.


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> My favorite candle smell. I wish it came in air freshener spray form.


:lol:
If it weren't for my kids seeing it, I would post that on facebook!! I love it! LOL!


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> :lol:
> If it weren't for my kids seeing it, I would post that on facebook!! I love it! LOL!


:iagree:

There's a ton I would post on Fb except for my kidlets!!


----------



## unsure78

Hey you guys know what my fav thing is like ever? Pedicures. .. they rule!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

unsure78 said:


> Hey you guys know what my fav thing is like ever? Pedicures. .. they rule!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah! They do! So, going anywhere special or is this just a normal indulgence?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Huh? Someone called? =/
> 
> Sorry haven't been following lately


Yes, we want to know how to handle telling one FB you are not available on a certain night/day when it's the case that you are going to be with a different FB. Without lying (by making something up, i.e. I am out of town, or lying by omission...) and thus being called a liar and a scum by a FB/FWB who might get upset about things like that. 

Lying does matter when it comes to things like having an STD or a deranged ex who is going to come in with an ax while you're doing the deed, but aren't white lies somewhat acceptable and just being tactful to avoid saying, I am in town tonight but I'm with Jennifer(or Louisa or Anna...) or out on the prowl for new 'stuff'?


----------



## unsure78

Fenix said:


> Oh yeah! They do! So, going anywhere special or is this just a normal indulgence?


Nowhere special. ..they have become a normal indulgence for me every two weeks this year... Im a total convert, they make me happy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I have never had a pedicure...but, I have been thinking about getting one.


----------



## unsure78

jpr said:


> I have never had a pedicure...but, I have been thinking about getting one.


Do it! I never used to do it when I wss married because I wouldnt spend the money on myself but I enjoy them so now I do them regularly 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

jpr said:


> I have never had a pedicure...but, I have been thinking about getting one.


I do my own pedicures but there is a (legit, as far as I know) massage salon about 5 minute's walk away and I sometimes go for a massage: hot stone is nice. 

Been working hard at the computer so will probably schedule one next week, makes a nice break. 

To get anything else have to drive to the next town over. There is a woman from Quebec who gives awesome sugaring and facials (pedicures and manicures too) and will make an appointment to get sugared and eyebrows down. I hope she's still around when my daughter (10) needs stuff in a few years. 
She seems older, but very energetic and proficient/efficient, and cheap. I won't even post the prices because they're shameful. I tip.

On top of that, she takes care of a few disabled people who live in her home, and it's all on the up and up, professional fire alarm, sprinklers, accessible, etc.

(This kind of competency is very rare around here, found her by word of mouth and her residents are lucky - they get massages and grooming services included in their care.)


----------



## ne9907

I am sold!
Getting a pedicure tomorrow, and maybe a Brazilian wax, oh and a facial!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am sold!
> Getting a pedicure tomorrow, and maybe a Brazilian wax, oh and a facial!


Oh my!

someone is planning to get laid tomorrow.


----------



## whitehawk

jpr said:


> I have never had a pedicure...but, I have been thinking about getting one.


You know like in some of the movies or seprano's or something. slimy drug bosses in salons getting the full treatment from head to tow , l can dig it :smthumbup:

Wish l had the long hair and pony tail, get the really cool shampoo and trim with it.
Full tats , cowboy boots and skull tips, kicking back and pampered in the salon, nice .
l want hand creams , foot massages , the works :rofl:


----------



## moxy

I'm traveling and performing, tomorrow -- both, things that make me a little nervous, despite my love of them. I think I really am smitten with Guy because I find myself wanting to text him just to say hi; so far, I've resisted that impulse. Today has been a crazy, crazy day at work and I am really looking forward to some sleep.

Pedicures and brazillian waxes and spa days in general (preferably with hot stone massages) are wonderful things. I need a spa day.


----------



## whitehawk

6 hotties pampering me and complimentary bj , of course


----------



## whitehawk

And , l want the top of the range 20,000 dollar salon chair , not the $1,500 cheapie .:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Yes, we want to know how to handle telling one FB you are not available on a certain night/day when it's the case that you are going to be with a different FB. Without lying (by making something up, i.e. I am out of town, or lying by omission...) and thus being called a liar and a scum by a FB/FWB who might get upset about things like that.
> 
> Lying does matter when it comes to things like having an STD or a deranged ex who is going to come in with an ax while you're doing the deed, but aren't white lies somewhat acceptable and just being tactful to avoid saying, I am in town tonight but I'm with Jennifer(or Louisa or Anna...) or out on the prowl for new 'stuff'?


FB/FWB are non-exclusive arrangements. In my case I've already mentioned to my FWB the 'rules of engagement' early on when it comes to non-exclusiveness. Earlier I actually had two FBs and both knew of each other. Simply don't ask don't tell when it comes to the details, the truth has already been made clear.

At the moment I'm exclusive to just the one though that may change in the near future once I spot another hottie. I don't see what's the hassle - as for me when a FB/FWB wants exclusiveness I let her go and then go find a replacement within a week or so. This is just sex and shouldn't involve even a hint of possessiveness or jealousy as these aren't relationships.


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> FB/FWB are non-exclusive arrangements. In my case I've already mentioned to my FWB the 'rules of engagement' early on when it comes to non-exclusiveness. Earlier I actually had two FBs and both knew of each other. Simply don't ask don't tell when it comes to the details, the truth has already been made clear.
> 
> At the moment I'm exclusive to just the one though that may change in the near future once I spot another hottie. I don't see what's the hassle - as for me when a FB/FWB wants exclusiveness I let her go and then go find a replacement within a week or so. This is just sex and shouldn't involve even a hint of possessiveness or jealousy as these aren't relationships.


You're living the life man. Wish I could have that kind of action.


----------



## unsure78

Dude slow hat keeps texting me these last few weeks...he must have 2nd sense im dating someone. . I will never understand that guy ever, I gave him sooooooo many chances....umm yea guy im dating now waaaay better, what he actually takes me on dates and doesn't play wierd games...amazing! Haha.... though I will give the guy some credit hes been around almost a year now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Oh my!
> 
> someone is planning to get laid tomorrow.


I wish
I did get some self action last night.... man it was hot!!!

But then again, masturbation just leaves me wanting for more...


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> You're living the life man. Wish I could have that kind of action.



Haha yeah , it's as good as any .
Seems there's nothing else going on l personally wish l had a partying scene happening around me or some decent clubs to hang out in.
l party well and usually have a way too gooda time :rofl:.
l love that life when there's no reason not to , like being married or something  .

Bit of a ****** right now in that way bc l've just moved. And although it's in a much better spot , it's also much further away now from the best town around in my area to just have some fun.
35min drive back assuming you can still drive , make it back to your car , hell find your car and keys even :rofl: A cab's gonna cost too much, now l'm depressed damn it. 
Anyone got a chopper l can borrow :scratchhead:

However , there is another town 10mins down the coast from here , now that one could have some potential , dunno much bout it yet. Heaps of tourists though and you know what girls like to do while their out on holidays huh. Hmmm , me gonna have to look into that one :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Dude slow hat keeps texting me these last few weeks...he must have 2nd sense im dating someone. . I will never understand that guy ever, I gave him sooooooo many chances....umm yea guy im dating now waaaay better, what he actually takes me on dates and doesn't play wierd games...amazing! Haha.... though I will give the guy some credit hes been around almost a year now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Slow hat a year or ?
Anyway , he doesn't know what he wants so he just doesn't wanna lose too far a track of you just encase he wakes up one morning and miraculously feels like unsure is for him all of a sudden. l think he's just wasting everybodies time to tbh .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> FB/FWB are non-exclusive arrangements. In my case I've already mentioned to my FWB the 'rules of engagement' early on when it comes to non-exclusiveness. Earlier I actually had two FBs and both knew of each other. Simply don't ask don't tell when it comes to the details, the truth has already been made clear.
> 
> At the moment I'm exclusive to just the one though that may change in the near future once I spot another hottie. I don't see what's the hassle - as for me when a FB/FWB wants exclusiveness I let her go and then go find a replacement within a week or so. This is just sex and shouldn't involve even a hint of possessiveness or jealousy as these aren't relationships.


You're reading too much into the question.
Not about exclusivity....
We are just talking about logistics. How to tell one FB you are going to be unavailable, how do you maintain boundaries and privacy, i.e. if a FB asks if you are available and you are not (because with another FB or just out cruising or don't want that FB at the time.)


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I wish
> I did get some self action last night.... man it was hot!!!
> 
> But then again, masturbation just leaves me wanting for more...


It's not as bad as Sleep-turbating. 

What, like I'm the only one who's done it? You think you're sexy dreams are going somewhere.... But half way through you always wake up disappointed.


----------



## Nsweet

On a totally unrelated note. I ran a 5K marathon today. 

There were beautiful women everywhere, as far as the eye could see. 

It was awesome.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> It's not as bad as Sleep-turbating.
> 
> What, like I'm the only one who's done it? You think you're sexy dreams are going somewhere.... But half way through you always wake up disappointed.


I have those dreams often, I enjoy having them, until I wake up and I am left ..... so close to the edge but no drop!

I still enjoy them


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I have those dreams often, I enjoy having them, until I wake up and I am left ..... so close to the edge but no drop!
> 
> I still enjoy them


When I was thirteen I had a recurring dream where a beautiful Indian maiden would take me into her teepee and love me up. I would mess up two sets of sheets a week.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have those dreams often, I enjoy having them, until I wake up and I am left ..... so close to the edge but no drop!
> 
> I still enjoy them


Don't get me wrong, they do feel good for at least a moment. But then you wake up and you're like "Awww sh!t!", and you realize you're not having as much fun as you thought.

It's like when is the next time are you going to be getting it just right at work with a perfect stranger and not feel like you're constantly being watched. Never, that's when. 

Anyone ever have the classroom sex dream? That one is fun.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Most, if not all, of my sex dreams are with perfect strangers.

I want a sex dream tonight!!


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> When I was thirteen I had a recurring dream where a beautiful Indian maiden would take me into her teepee and love me up. I would mess up two sets of sheets a week.


I used to have this one when I was 14 where my two lesbian baby sitters would do more than kiss each other and smoke pot in front of me. Yeah, that part really happened.:smthumbup: Can't quite figure out if that set me back or made me more of perv.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Most, if not all, of my sex dreams are with perfect strangers.
> 
> I want a sex dream tonight!!


Sorry, but it usually doesn't work that way. 

If you want a really good sex dream, then you kinda have to stop touching yourself and try to repress those sexual thoughts until they bubble up at night. 

The best sex dreams of my life have all happened when I was too busy with work to even think about sex.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You're reading too much into the question.
> Not about exclusivity....
> We are just talking about logistics. How to tell one FB you are going to be unavailable, how do you maintain boundaries and privacy, i.e. if a FB asks if you are available and you are not (because with another FB or just out cruising or don't want that FB at the time.)


My answer was in regards to how to handle this - as I mentioned I made sure the two FBs knew about each other, hence understood when I was unavailable for them and I didn't have to explain nor would I tell them the details. I've also never had them call me at the same time as I organised our times together and apart keeping their schedules with me seperate.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> On a totally unrelated note. I ran a 5K marathon today.
> 
> There were beautiful women everywhere, as far as the eye could see.
> 
> It was awesome.



Hmm , never thought of that one :smthumbup:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> My answer was in regards to how to handle this - as I mentioned I made sure the two FBs knew about each other, hence understood when I was unavailable for them and I didn't have to explain nor would I tell them the details. I've also never had them call me at the same time as I organised our times together and apart keeping their schedules with me seperate.


Sounds good to me. 
So, it works for you to do the organizing.
Therefore, there is no reason for you to use any white lies/euphemisms for not being available.
Any advice for those who are not doing the organizing, or would like the organizing to be mutual, either one can do the organizing?

Maybe framing questions differently and more directly, such as:
Can we get together tomorrow night?
VERSUS something like this, which is not very direct and is IMO a loaded question that sets one up for a lie, euphemestic or white lie or whatever: Are you going to be in town (i.e. invitee's town) tomorrow night and can we get together?


----------



## ne9907

I had a weird dream last night.
Blue eyes and I were coming out of the movie theater, we began walking to the parking lot and he could not find his truck. We looked everywhere and nothing. While we were looking for his truck, two strange things began to happen. The first one was that his physical appearance began to change, at first he looked smaller, shorter, strange, to the point that I began to worry about his well-being and asked him if he was feeling fine.
He affirmed he was fine, and I checked his eyes to check.
His two eyes, morphed into one eye in the middle of his forehead. Finally, he transformed into a college professor I had many years ago, this college professor was extremely nice but not exactly proficient.
The second strange thing, I began to wonder how I had gotten to the movie theater as I had not made plans to see him.
I asked him how I had gotten there, and he told me that I called him asking him to come over because I was upset with my family.

I knew this wasn't true because even when I get upset with my family, I don't call men to rescue me. I asked about my car because I could not find it either. He did not have a concise answer, I walked on a different direction and left him.
He was following me, chasing after me, so I began to dodge him, climb ropes up to a second story, hide from him, and praying that I would find my car!!

Finally, I said **** my car, walked to the road and began hitchhiking!

Strange dream, indeed.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Sounds good to me.
> So, it works for you to do the organizing.
> Therefore, there is no reason for you to use any white lies/euphemisms for not being available.
> Any advice for those who are not doing the organizing, or would like the organizing to be mutual, either one can do the organizing?
> 
> Maybe framing questions differently and more directly, such as:
> Can we get together tomorrow night?
> VERSUS something like this, which is not very direct and is IMO a loaded question that sets one up for a lie, euphemestic or white lie or whatever: Are you going to be in town (i.e. invitee's town) tomorrow night and can we get together?


Well, I just take the initiative in terms of the organising but it's always mutual. It's not like they are always available on-call! If there's any advice to give it's taking initiative and asserting your schedule which is simple enough no?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Well, I just take the initiative in terms of the organising but it's always mutual. It's not like they are always available on-call! If there's any advice to give it's taking initiative and asserting your schedule which is simple enough no?


I think it may be more difficult for women, but yes it is simple enough. Glad I don't have to worry about this one. But filing it away in case I ever do.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I had a weird dream last night.
> Blue eyes and I were coming out of the movie theater, we began walking to the parking lot and he could not find his truck. We looked everywhere and nothing. While we were looking for his truck, two strange things began to happen. The first one was that his physical appearance began to change, at first he looked smaller, shorter, strange, to the point that I began to worry about his well-being and asked him if he was feeling fine.
> He affirmed he was fine, and I checked his eyes to check.
> His two eyes, morphed into one eye in the middle of his forehead. Finally, he transformed into a college professor I had many years ago, this college professor was extremely nice but not exactly proficient.
> The second strange thing, I began to wonder how I had gotten to the movie theater as I had not made plans to see him.
> I asked him how I had gotten there, and he told me that I called him asking him to come over because I was upset with my family.
> 
> I knew this wasn't true because even when I get upset with my family, I don't call men to rescue me. I asked about my car because I could not find it either. He did not have a concise answer, I walked on a different direction and left him.
> He was following me, chasing after me, so I began to dodge him, climb ropes up to a second story, hide from him, and praying that I would find my car!!
> 
> Finally, I said **** my car, walked to the road and began hitchhiking!
> 
> Strange dream, indeed.


Are you dating blue eyes or trying to relive an old relationship through him?

I can tell you what I think, it's probably wrong, but it seems to me like there are some deeper issues dealing with attachment to men and relationships. Codependency for sure, but I can't tell you why. 

What happened with your family?


----------



## moxy

I had a great weekend, full of travel and literature and people. I'm exhausted, though. Wish I had time to do everything I wanted to do. This week will be so crazy. No naughty fun is likely, but my schedule's got me feeling fvcked anyway. :/


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I had a great weekend, full of travel and literature and people. I'm exhausted, though. Wish I had time to do everything I wanted to do. This week will be so crazy. No naughty fun is likely, but my schedule's got me feeling fvcked anyway. :/


I'm glad your weekend rocked. 

As for the lack of sex I know how you feel. Sucks to be horny with no outlet. 

On a good note, Syrian is flying into Denver this coming Thursday to spend the 4th weekend with me. I used my frequent flyer miles to get her tickets for free.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Whoa, its creepy-quiet in our little thread!


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Whoa, its creepy-quiet in our little thread!


nothing much new with me...been enjoying my drama free relationship ... so no amusing dates to report..

other than slow hat still popping up... oh and I think my exh is going to hit on me again, hes been texting/calling a lot lately, usually means hes lonely and will be hitting on me soon...par for the course with him

whats new with you 3x?


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> nothing much new with me...been enjoying my drama free relationship ... so no amusing dates to report..
> 
> other than slow hat still popping up... oh and I think my exh is going to hit on me again, hes been texting/calling a lot lately, usually means hes lonely and will be hitting on me soon...par for the course with him
> 
> whats new with you 3x?


The Slow One... he is always somewhere around in the background. 

Drama-free is GOOD.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> nothing much new with me...been enjoying my drama free relationship ... so no amusing dates to report..
> 
> other than slow hat still popping up... oh and I think my exh is going to hit on me again, hes been texting/calling a lot lately, usually means hes lonely and will be hitting on me soon...par for the course with him
> 
> whats new with you 3x?


Nothing new, just plugging along!  I am almost ready for my upcoming hobby adventure next week, so I am happy about that. A little stressed about spending the money for a trip, but sometimes you have to say screw it and do something for yourself!


----------



## moxy

I'm held captive by work deadlines today. 

Too little energy for the playful stuff and nothing exciting to talk about. No real developments with FWB at present, though my frustration and fantasies take up more energy than I would like to admit; I wish he'd ask me over... I had a great text conversation for four hours with a guy from online that I kinda like, but with whom I'd have to take the lead, if I want to get anywhere because he seems kinda detached and friendly, except for telling me that he has a thing for chicks that look like me; of course, I'm oblivious to advances unless they're from boundary pushers and guys with aggressive game, it seems, so I may have missed an opportunity to do something with this flirtation. A guy complimented my poems the other night and then led us into a conversation about semen art; I don't know if he was making innuendos or just generally talking to me about art, but if he had asked me out for a drink, I'd have said yes because he was attractive.

Oh, what wouldn't I do for a coffee right now!?


----------



## movealong

Downloaded and read the Four Agreements on my kindle app this morning. Very interesting. I am going to delve more in to it when I get home.


----------



## unsure78

movealong said:


> Downloaded and read the Four Agreements on my kindle app this morning. Very interesting. I am going to delve more in to it when I get home.


I'm not familiar with the four agreements..??


----------



## movealong

unsure78 said:


> I'm not familiar with the four agreements..??


google search

Easier to read than to try to explain it, lol!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I miss my male BF. But he kept being flirty which was sending me mixed messages and confusing me and when I said that, now he's just completely backed off and I haven't heard a peep since last fall. 

But I'm feeling very social I'm frustrated with the BFF and her issues and it seems like all of my friends aren't in the same place/right place to hang out the way I want to for a myriad of reasons. 

I don't feel ready to date again until I loose some more weight because I don't think I'll attract what I'm looking for right now. 

My only current prospect for an introduction (which I'm working on), is the new receptionist who knows a single father that she'd like to introduce me to but that won't be happening this weekend.

There are no nearby Parents without Partners (I've looked) which surprises me considering the size of this city. 

Considering taking a bottle of wine and a blanket to the Symphony Park that has an annual program outside.

Frustrating period in my life. One of those times when the puzzle pieces are all amiss.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry, Enjo. Sending you a hug. Sometimes friendships go through these relationship phases too.

Have you thought about reaching out to male BF again? 

The bottle of wine and park idea sound swell. 

Chin up.


----------



## jpr

I know what you mean, Enjoli. I have been through periods of time like that--where nothing seems to be meshing socially.

It is very frustrating. I am not really an extrovert...but, I do like to do things and be social at times. 

The outdoor symphony sounds good. I used to organize happy hours after work when I was lonely. Hahaha. 

I had a good weekend. My bf and I recently purchased a record player...so, we went scrounging around at yard sales looking for old records. Last night, we sat outside on the patio and listened to old Beatles records and grilled out. It was a really nice weekend.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hmmm, a week without the kids...and what am I doing?
Work-a-thon.
Planning our vacation (two weeks of no work after work-a-thon.)
Housekeeping (starting with massive laundry from daughter's room)
Filing and paperwork
Recovering from zinc deficiency (was not amusing to think that's what getting old was like or to contemplate cancer/leukemia.)
Listening to the birdies.
Catching up with old work that should have been done by now.
Learning Icelandic (downloaded Byki app for new phone)
Made big shopping list for later in week when I feel stir crazy or computer is off-line.
Made spa appointment, going to have hair-free arms this summer, for no obvious reason other than I can?
Making homemade bread for the freezer for when kids get back.
Already cleaned out email.

Also have been corresponding with E-Harmony guy after deleting what seems like at least a thousand non-interesting profiles. Maybe take a camping/hiking trip later in the summer, who knows.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Are you dating blue eyes or trying to relive an old relationship through him?
> 
> I can tell you what I think, it's probably wrong, but it seems to me like there are some deeper issues dealing with attachment to men and relationships. Codependency for sure, but I can't tell you why.
> 
> What happened with your family?


I have codependency issues and seek validation from men because I get lonely. I know the issues I have, and am working on them.

No big family issues. I go visit them almost every weekend, and sometimes my brother is in a bad mood and gets me annoyed.

Had another visit with my therapist today, went so great!

On unrelated news, I had the best sober and drunken sex w none other than blue eyes last night!
It was pretty freaking good. He had wine and chocolate cake for me, my favorite things. I also got a really great massage.
Just wanted to share 

Yes, I told my therapist all about it.

I am


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Downloaded and read the Four Agreements on my kindle app this morning. Very interesting. I am going to delve more in to it when I get home.


OMG!!!!!! MY therapist just told me about this book today!!!!

I am soooo going to get it and read it!!!!
I am excited!


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> OMG!!!!!! MY therapist just told me about this book today!!!!
> 
> I am soooo going to get it and read it!!!!
> I am excited!


It ain't your typical "self help book", for sure!


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> But I'm feeling very social I'm frustrated with the BFF and her issues and it seems like all of my friends aren't in the same place/right place to hang out the way I want to for a myriad of reasons.
> ...
> I don't feel ready to date again until I loose some more weight because I don't think I'll attract what I'm looking for right now.
> ....
> Considering taking a bottle of wine and a blanket to the Symphony Park that has an annual program outside.


I have very few friends who are in the same zone as me right now. Most of them (vast majority of them) are married with little kids and have different senses of connection to time and experience and hanging out. Those who are not working on building families are in new relationships that are actually meaningful. I definitely understand how frustrating it can be to feel disconnected from the people that you care about. It's a little lonely, sometimes, I guess.

I don't think you should choose to avoid dating until you lose weight. You can date at whatever weight you are. However, if you think it would make you happier to spend your energy working on your body instead of your love life, then that's a good thing. 

The Symphony in the Park sounds wonderful! Do it! 



Jellybeans said:


> Have you thought about reaching out to male BF again?


Might be a good idea.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Hmmm, a week without the kids...and what am I doing?
> ...
> Learning Icelandic (downloaded Byki app for new phone)
> ...
> Made spa appointment, going to have hair-free arms this summer, for no obvious reason other than I can?
> ...
> Also have been corresponding with E-Harmony guy after deleting what seems like at least a thousand non-interesting profiles.


Wow. Where do you find such energy!? It's awesome that you're doing so much.

Why Icelandic? I -heart- spa days. What caught your interest on E-Harmony guy's profile?

.....

I'm having a weird day: grouchy mood, exhausted, *overwhelmed with deadlines and work to do*, wishing for a meaningful hug from someone who matters to me in a real way that conveys some kind of compassionate, non-judgemental understanding of the hideous headspace I'm in now. I must be coming down with something because I've got a sore throat and feel like my head is in a fog, too.  /End whining, now.


----------



## moxy

movealong said:


> Downloaded and read the Four Agreements on my kindle app this morning. Very interesting. I am going to delve more in to it when I get home.


I love that book. Having read it years ago, I find myself thinking of re-reading it recently. Enjoy it, movealong.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> I have codependency issues and seek validation from men because I get lonely. I know the issues I have, and am working on them.
> 
> No big family issues. I go visit them almost every weekend, and sometimes my brother is in a bad mood and gets me annoyed.
> 
> Had another visit with my therapist today, went so great!
> 
> On unrelated news, I had the best sober and drunken sex w none other than blue eyes last night!
> It was pretty freaking good. He had wine and chocolate cake for me, my favorite things. I also got a really great massage.
> Just wanted to share
> 
> Yes, I told my therapist all about it.
> 
> I am



UMMM NE those two things are totally related....

thought you were done with blue eyes?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

movealong said:


> Downloaded and read the Four Agreements on my kindle app this morning. Very interesting. I am going to delve more in to it when I get home.


I looked it up - looks like some pretty good basic rules to live by. Stuff I mostly try to do regardless. Reminders and delving deeper into the topics look good.



Jellybeans said:


> Sorry, Enjo. Sending you a hug. Sometimes friendships go through these relationship phases too.
> 
> Have you thought about reaching out to male BF again?
> 
> The bottle of wine and park idea sound swell.
> 
> Chin up.


I thought about it. Part of me is stubborn, part of me thinks it's a bad idea... he's like my other half but the whole no kissing thing - I know we can't really be a couple but it's hard going backwards, ya know?



jpr said:


> I know what you mean, Enjoli. I have been through periods of time like that--where nothing seems to be meshing socially.
> 
> It is very frustrating. I am not really an extrovert...but, I do like to do things and be social at times.
> 
> The outdoor symphony sounds good. I used to organize happy hours after work when I was lonely. Hahaha.
> 
> I had a good weekend. My bf and I recently purchased a record player...so, we went scrounging around at yard sales looking for old records. Last night, we sat outside on the patio and listened to old Beatles records and grilled out. It was a really nice weekend.


Yeah, I'm not an extrovert but I'm feeling restless like doing something - totally in the mood for a big party or boisterous gathering but noone to do it WITH. Seems I don't know anyone in the same 'place' in life as me right now. 

So yeah, thinking if I just make myself go out and do what *I* think would be a nice evening, I'll be amongst like minded folk and if I meet someone, then great. But at least I'm not at home. 

I've always wanted to go but noone else who liked that kind of music, noone else who likes wine. Maybe I'll just splurge and get a bottle of one of my favs - Louis Jadot Pouilly Fuisse - and enjoy my solo 4th.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have codependency issues and seek validation from men because I get lonely. I know the issues I have, and am working on them.
> 
> No big family issues. I go visit them almost every weekend, and sometimes my brother is in a bad mood and gets me annoyed.
> 
> Had another visit with my therapist today, went so great!
> 
> On unrelated news, I had the best sober and drunken sex w none other than blue eyes last night!
> It was pretty freaking good. He had wine and chocolate cake for me, my favorite things. I also got a really great massage.
> Just wanted to share
> 
> Yes, I told my therapist all about it.
> 
> I am


That SOB!

..... He's stealing moves out of my playbook.:rofl:


Seriously, that's what I do. Massing women just the right way gets you so much more than a "thank you".


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> On unrelated news, I had the best sober and drunken sex w none other than blue eyes last night!
> It was pretty freaking good. He had wine and chocolate cake for me, my favorite things. I also got a really great massage.
> Just wanted to share


Seriously, Ne? I thought you were DONE with him.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Seriously, Ne? I thought you were DONE with him.





unsure78 said:


> UMMM NE those two things are totally related....
> 
> thought you were done with blue eyes?


Not just yet, he meets my needs so far. It will eventually end, but I am good for now.

Seriously though, I havent even gotten my own place yet because I dont want to commit to a rental agreement!!


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yeah, I'm not an extrovert but I'm feeling restless like doing something - totally in the mood for a big party or boisterous gathering but noone to do it WITH. Seems I don't know anyone in the same 'place' in life as me right now.
> 
> So yeah, thinking if I just make myself go out and do what *I* think would be a nice evening, I'll be amongst like minded folk and if I meet someone, then great. But at least I'm not at home.
> 
> I've always wanted to go but noone else who liked that kind of music, noone else who likes wine. Maybe I'll just splurge and get a bottle of one of my favs - Louis Jadot Pouilly Fuisse - and enjoy my solo 4th.


I am an introvert as well. 
But it is good to get out once in a while. Just today, I found out that LIFEHOUSE (one of my favorite bands) will be in town in July. Already bought my ticket!!

Excited to finally go to one of their concerts!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Not just yet, he meets my needs so far. It will eventually end, but I am good for now.
> 
> Seriously though, I havent even gotten my own place yet because I dont want to commit to a rental agreement!!


Really? May I remind you:




ne9907 said:


> No
> I am not texting him anything at all. I texted him what I needed to say last night.
> 
> It made me upset because it reminded me of being married and ex husband. I always told ex: "if there is a problem please tell me about it, we can work it out"
> 
> But that fvcker (ex) chose to be dishonest about every single little fracking thing......
> 
> I have no tolerance for dishonesty, whether I have feelings for someone or not.
> 
> ex and blue eyes can go fvck themselves. Period.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Really? May I remind you:


I <3 you!

I understand this is not a rational decision yet I am enjoying it for the time being.
My heart could be broken but oh well
been there, done that, got the divorce papers.

Disclaimer: My heart is in no danger of being broken. 
Example: I am still obsessing over ex boyfriend and talking to army guy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I <3 you!
> 
> I understand this is not a rational decision yet I am enjoying it for the time being.
> My heart could be broken but oh well
> been there, done that, got the divorce papers.
> 
> Disclaimer: My heart is in no danger of being broken.
> Example: I am still obsessing over ex boyfriend and talking to army guy.


OK!  And I <3 you too!


----------



## moxy

There's nothing wrong with courting a broken heart, as long as you do so with self-awareness.


----------



## vi_bride04

So after not seeing disc for almost a month and a half, and not hearing anything from him for almost 3 weeks I get a text last night asking if I was still going to the NIN concert with him...??

Huh? I was never asked to go to such a concert and I'm sure I would remember if I was. NIN is no small band. 

I shouldn't have even have responded but I did. Just told him I had plans. Sounds like the girl he really wanted to go with couldn't make it. 

pffffffft I thought about possibly trying to date again but this just reminded me of the bull**** I don't want to deal with.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Huh? I was never asked to go to such a concert and I'm sure I would remember if I was. NIN is no small band.


:rofl:

Funny, Vi.

And yeah, good on you for telling you he had plans. Sounds like it was a passive-aggressive way to ask you out. "Oh hey, woman I haven't talked to in forever...guess what..." Or maybe he texted the wrong woman. UGH.

Either way, good for you.


----------



## Ikaika

Who is NIN? Old guy here, be gentle.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nine Inch Nails.

Trent Reznor's band. Very 90s.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Nine Inch Nails.
> 
> Trent Reznor's band. Very 90s.



You forgot I'm very late 60s early 70s... Still play the blues, especially SRV 

http://youtu.be/YEXqFH5xzeY


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Funny, Vi.
> 
> And yeah, good on you for telling you he had plans. Sounds like it was a passive-aggressive way to ask you out. *"Oh hey, woman I haven't talked to in forever...guess what..*." Or maybe he texted the wrong woman. UGH.
> 
> Either way, good for you.


OMG Jelly - you are so fricken right on

word for word
"Hi stranger. Got my phone turned back on. I know we haven't talked in awhile, but I was wondering if you were still planning on going to see nine inch nails with me? If not, I gotta take <guy friend name>, but I'd rather go with you. Figured I'd ask a month in advance since you always seem to be busy "

I've heard the "I gotta take so&so but would rather go with you" twice already and was stood up both times.

Same ole' crap, different day.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG Jelly - you are so fricken right on
> 
> word for word
> "Hi stranger. Got my phone turned back on. I know we haven't talked in awhile, but I was wondering if you were still planning on going to see nine inch nails with me? If not, I gotta take <guy friend name>, but I'd rather go with you. Figured I'd ask a month in advance since you always seem to be busy "
> 
> I've heard the "I gotta take so&so but would rather go with you" *twice already and was stood up both times.*
> Same ole' crap, different day.




No wonder you are taking a break....


I found this article interesting.

8 Dating Rules That Changed Since You Were Last Single


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> Where do you find such energy!? It's awesome that you're doing so much.
> 
> Why Icelandic? I -heart- spa days. What caught your interest on E-Harmony guy's profile?
> 
> I must be coming down with something because I've got a sore throat and feel like my head is in a fog, too.  /End whining, now.


I don't have loads of energy...so I invest time in keeping things ship shape when the kids aren't around and I have time off from hands-on parenting. Most of it is not physical, in fact some of the stuff I have on my list I won't do (washing kitchen ceiling) until I find out if my lease will be renewed. :rofl:

Icelandic - my long term plan is to move to Iceland, also it seems there are other researchers who are on Nordic projects or already in Iceland, that I can collaborate with. I don't think Icelandic is as difficult as people make it out to be. I have a few years to build up my vocabulary and master "baby talk." Byki has a fun mobile app you can use and download lists packages from just about any language. 

Spa day is only twice a year it seems. I do my own feet and nails at home. Only go for dethatching and this time a facial as well and brow shaping, I have horrible brows. 

EH guy has qualities I like in Aussie friend, who has restored my faith in men in general over the past year. Has a similar background to me, no family to deal with, in good shape and has same habits and values. There is something physically attractive to his attitude and presentation, can't put a finger on it but I know what it feels like. Not lust but a sort of switch, if you look for it and turn it on, it's there, otherwise has good friend qualities. Same qualities I discovered in boyfriend who had the brain hemorrhage, which is how I forged a friendship with Aussie guy. Also qualities I recognized from married/partnered guy friends I know. We will see how this goes.

I would seriously go visit to go hiking as I can book to Scotland via Iceland, stay up to a week in Reykjavik (part of which I can claim as a business expense, and stay with a friend for some food/meals movies in exchange) at no extra charge. He said he is cleaning up his apartment :rofl: so suspect an invite might come along if he can get some time off. 

Why should I not go work in Iceland for a week to work and relax and then go hiking in Scotland for a week. My neighbor can watch my cats. I have a backpack, sleeping bag, two person tent and a laptop. And no kids for 2 weeks in August. And a valid passport. (Although I do have some work.)

It is not like me to go traipsing off on a hiking date but I went loads of places with my psychopathic ex's. Even if the guy turns out to be a psychopath, what's the difference? Plus I want to go backpacking this summer and NH is full of psychopaths in the woods already. At least in a place like Scotland you can see them coming from a long ways off (due to terrain.)


----------



## COGypsy

Either the fares on Iceland Air are exceptionally good this year or else Iceland is the new Europe for the casual travel crowd. My boyfriend and a bunch of the guys he used to travel with for work are doing a week in Scotland followed by a week in Iceland this fall. Another friend spent their spring break there and I probably know 3 or 4 other people with plans to go to Iceland in the next 6 months. You'll be in good company for your adventure!


----------



## moxy

Stress makes me emotional. Maybe it does this to others, too. I heard from exh today and it made me so very sad to remember what I once thought we had and how things went. I cried. To make things worse, I'm ridiculously horny for FWB today and just wishing I could text him to say so, but I'm too much of a chicken today. This, of course, makes me feel stupid and guilty and more sad. I'm crying in despair, feverish with lust, attempting a monastic sort of meditation, all at once. What the heck!? Today is a really volatile day.  I would like to eat a freezer-full of lasagna and sleep off a food coma, but that will change nothing. I guess I know why I've been quiet on the thread most of today: temporary insanity.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Stress makes me emotional. Maybe it does this to others, too. I heard from exh today and it made me so very sad to remember what I once thought we had and how things went. I cried. To make things worse, I'm ridiculously horny for FWB today and just wishing I could text him to say so, but I'm too much of a chicken today. This, of course, makes me feel stupid and guilty and more sad. I'm crying in despair, feverish with lust, attempting a monastic sort of meditation, all at once. What the heck!? Today is a really volatile day.  I would like to eat a freezer-full of lasagna and sleep off a food coma, but that will change nothing. I guess I know why I've been quiet on the thread most of today: temporary insanity.


Im feeling you moxy.. hugs... too much stress for me lately as well...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

COGypsy said:


> Either the fares on Iceland Air are exceptionally good this year or else Iceland is the new Europe for the casual travel crowd. My boyfriend and a bunch of the guys he used to travel with for work are doing a week in Scotland followed by a week in Iceland this fall. Another friend spent their spring break there and I probably know 3 or 4 other people with plans to go to Iceland in the next 6 months. You'll be in good company for your adventure!


I have been to Iceland already.
It's easy to get there from the Northeast and once you are there it's fairly cheap. The hostels and public transportation as well as the public pools are all inexpensive. People say the food is pricey but forget that it's excellent and also no tipping. It's safe and you can camp almost anywhere. Same with Scotland, you can camp anywhere. 

If you are a hotel/spa kind of person and a have it now gotta have my comforts 24x7 darned the weather it's always messing with my plans and what do you mean you don't have my favorite soda (insert other item here) and the wind is always messing up my hair kind of person you will detest it and wish you'd gone on that cruise or to Club Med. 

Not to say that Saba or St. Martin doesn't have its perks.

Iceland has quality you can count on, it's a socialist country, you know you are not taking advantage of any kind of underclass in order to relax (i.e. India, Mongolia, part of China, Vietnam, USA!) Everything's fair and fair. Plus people are extremely socialist there when it comes to sex. I was propositioned a few times but wasn't in the mood. And same thing if I go, will set my sights on Scotland. :rofl:

Iceland also has very low crime and almost no prison population, it is most definitely not a police state. It's an island and there is no way out, due to the fishing industry there is superb radar around the island, and also the currents and weather make it difficult for undesirables to get in or to leave. 

The port authority has good detectives (I spent some time with a retired one when visiting and got some insight on that) so far no major drug problem there, and alcohol is expensive so drinking is contained to weekends for the most part. I was there for national beer day, which was fun. Brew pubs and wine are just getting underway there, you have to buy anything alcoholic at a designated store...or a restaurant (where it's a bit pricier.)

I think it's just something in the Universe which is drawing certain people to Iceland and Scotland. I decided out of the blue to go and was rewarded with the best Northern Lights in a couple decades - for a whole week. Plus no rain or snow the entire time I was there. Not too shabby.

I will stay with locals, which will be nice.
My kids are planning to go to uni there, when my son starts uni I will do a one year certificate in Icelandic language (and work/telecommute/research projects) while daughter does a year of high school exchange with a host family (you need a visa of some sort, cannot get one because a family member has one, even if you're a minor...) then I can stay or go after the kids get settled in. For what it costs for the exchange program it's cheaper to have my daughter attend school there and benefit from the terrific education and safety and lifestyle than to pay for private school. Plus she will learn better Iceland and have more options when it comes to uni program.


----------



## moxy

I've always wanted to visit Iceland -- maybe, one day. I love Scotland; it's so beautiful there.


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> I've always wanted to visit Iceland -- maybe, one day. I love Scotland; it's so beautiful there.



Not me, South America is where I want to visit with only one exception Brazil. I don't speak Portuguese


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I've always wanted to visit Iceland -- maybe, one day.


Ice?

Cool Runnings- Ice! - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG Jelly - you are so fricken right on
> 
> word for word
> "Hi stranger. Got my phone turned back on. I know we haven't talked in awhile, but I was wondering if you were still planning on going to see nine inch nails with me? If not, I gotta take <guy friend name>, but I'd rather go with you. Figured I'd ask a month in advance since you always seem to be busy "
> 
> *I've heard the "I gotta take so&so but would rather go with you" twice already and was stood up both times.
> *
> Same ole' crap, different day.


Oh wow. He's not even original. 

Meh. Sounds like a wanker!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I found this article interesting.
> 
> 8 Dating Rules That Changed Since You Were Last Single


Haha. Love this from that article:

_7. Know that you will get Googled._


I googled my name and apparently I am a sexy model with a lot of naked pictures on the internet. I guess someone with my name comes across as a porn actress.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moxy said:


> Stress makes me emotional. Maybe it does this to others, too. I heard from exh today and it made me so very sad to remember what I once thought we had and how things went. I cried. To make things worse, I'm ridiculously horny for FWB today and just wishing I could text him to say so, but I'm too much of a chicken today. This, of course, makes me feel stupid and guilty and more sad. I'm crying in despair, feverish with lust, attempting a monastic sort of meditation, all at once. What the heck!? Today is a really volatile day.  I would like to eat a freezer-full of lasagna and sleep off a food coma, but that will change nothing. I guess I know why I've been quiet on the thread most of today: temporary insanity.


Hm so you are under stress which makes you emotional and coincidentally horny? Could it be hormonal or a correlation between feeling emotional and wanting physical connection?

I was going to ask if you meditate as it does seem quieting your mind would be a good thing. Sorry Moxy - I've never had the triple whammy. I seem to approach any problems I have in a logical fashion, starting with the most urgent.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Love this from that article:
> 
> _7. Know that you will get Googled._
> 
> 
> I googled my name and apparently I am a sexy model with a lot of naked pictures on the internet. I guess someone with my name comes across as a porn actress.


THAT doesn't make us curious about your real name AT ALL!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I am a museum curator if you google me. 

Now THAT explains my lack of internet dates!!


----------



## movealong

When I google my name I can see that my G-G-G-G-Grandfather was a senator from Pensylvania, also the obituaries for my G-G-G-Grandfather, G-G-Grandfather, G-Grandfather, Grandfather, and that one of my namesakes was a famous artist that had US postal stamps issued of his work, and several items about my previous places of employment.

Yea, I am one of those lucky guys that is not a "Junior", I am a third (III). On top of that, the family first name was handed down with several middle name variations, so googling me by just first/last name is informative of my paternal family history. LOL


----------



## whitehawk

l'm a brain surgeon, true story. There's a guy my exact name , 3hrs from me that's a brain surgeon .

ps , When people have said here they've Googled dates to checkem out , is that what they do ?
Just Google their name ?

Mine brings up nothing , just this surgeon guy and a few others. lf that's all you do then l spose this is a good thing as l don't seem to be anywhere, which suits me just fine .


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Im feeling you moxy.. hugs... too much stress for me lately as well...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hugs Moxy. Hope you feel better today!

One time, I went to a restaurant right, and like, they had water, but I am so totally allergic to water and I could not drink it, cause I am allergic. And then they offer me some dressing, but like they did not have air dressing.... so I just told them to put air dressing on my salad but air has water so I am allergic to water so I migh have died!!


That is the kind of conversation I have with my girfriends. They always make me smile


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. Love this from that article:
> 
> _7. Know that you will get Googled._
> 
> 
> I googled my name and apparently I am a sexy model with a lot of naked pictures on the internet. I guess someone with my name comes across as a porn actress.


I am a famous character from a no so famous TV show


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Hugs Moxy. Hope you feel better today!
> 
> One time, I went to a restaurant right, and like, they had water, but I am so totally allergic to water and I could not drink it, cause I am allergic. And then they offer me some dressing, but like they did not have air dressing.... so I just told them to put air dressing on my salad but air has water so I am allergic to water so I migh have died!!
> 
> 
> That is the kind of conversation I have with my girfriends. They always make me smile


I will stop with my allergies then.
:rofl:


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hm so you are under stress which makes you emotional and coincidentally horny? Could it be hormonal or *a correlation between feeling emotional and wanting physical connection*?


Stress makes me aware of my body. It also makes me want to escape. Sex and Art (and sometimes, very very good massages) are the only ways I can relax. So, it's not surprising that when I'm stressed out, I get horny. Also, I really do have a crush on fwb guy and we haven't hooked up in over a week because I was out of town. I feel a little addicted to sex, these days. I suppose that's expected, given my insanely long dearth of it in my post D celibacy. Also...when I'm very, very emotional, I do tend to want physical connection, but I don't like to be terribly close to friends and will really only seek that kind of physical closeness with lovers; it means that if I am not involved with anyone, I go without touch.



ne9907 said:


> Hugs Moxy. Hope you feel better today!


Thanks. I think I'll be okay. Stress is my normal state. I just felt a little overwhelmed yesterday.



EnjoliWoman said:


> I am a museum curator if you google me.
> 
> Now THAT explains my lack of internet dates!!


I would think that "museum curator" would inspire lots of dates!

If you google my name, you'll find me. 

When you meet guys or girls online, do you tell them your full name before you meet? I have not yet done this. I didn't even know fwb's last name until I asked, which was after we'd been hooking up for like six weeks. I googled him once at that point, but I didn't look too deeply into it; now, I would be too nervous to do so. I don't want to know what he doesn't want to share. When I meet people online, I feel tempted to google them to find out info before meeting, though.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> When you meet guys or girls online, do you tell them your full name before you meet? I have not yet done this. I didn't even know fwb's last name until I asked, which was after we'd been hooking up for like six weeks. I googled him once at that point, but I didn't look too deeply into it; now, I would be too nervous to do so. I don't want to know what he doesn't want to share. When I meet people online, I feel tempted to google them to find out info before meeting, though.


I do ask for their full name.
You got it bad girl!!! 

Ive google every single guy I like, that is only three actually. Most of them are real, except for one guy who gave me a false name and I stopped talking to him.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> When you meet guys or girls online, do you tell them your full name before you meet?


I don't online date but I have no problem telling someone my full name before meeting.


----------



## ne9907

I finally got around to removing ex from my automobile policy. I called my insurance company today to take care of this situation. The representative I spoke with, asked me a lot of questions and I finally told her the reason of the removal was because we are not longer married.
She profusely apologized and transferred me to a "specialist".

I had no idea I would encounter this sort of questioning!?, Now that I am done with the conversation, perhaps I should have complained. Or is it typical?


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I finally got around to removing ex from my automobile policy. I called my insurance company today to take care of this situation. The representative I spoke with, asked me a lot of questions and I finally told her the reason of the removal was because we are not longer married.
> She profusely apologized and transferred me to a "specialist".
> 
> I had no idea I would encounter this sort of questioning!?, Now that I am done with the conversation, perhaps I should have complained. Or is it typical?


I think they're trained to ask a lot of questions, because they want to be able to convince you to NOT change your policy, because they're a for-profit business.

I encountered this with several businesses where his name was on my account. But the minute I said, "We've divorced" the questions stopped.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moxy said:


> Stress makes me aware of my body. It also makes me want to escape. Sex and Art (and sometimes, very very good massages) are the only ways I can relax.
> 
> I would think that "museum curator" would inspire lots of dates!
> 
> If you google my name, you'll find me.
> 
> When you meet guys or girls online, do you tell them your full name before you meet? I have not yet done this.


Ah, we all have our own ways of coping.

The museum curator is in another country across the ocean so they would know it isn't me. 

I do find out their full names. Most men don't hide it. More women do to avoid stalkers. With my name they can look up real estate records and know where I live since I own my home. I tend to not give my phone number out, either.

I use their full names to do a background check. Often I can easily get another bit of info like their birth date. Once I have few things I can use these to verify things they tell me.

For instance someone tells met hey live on a certain side of town but I find a house in their name in another place. Then they tell me they have rental homes - now that makes sense. Or I find no divorce records on line only to find out the exW doesn't life here and he finalized the divorce in the exW's state. 

Just cross-reference stuff. If I catch them in one lie I can assume there are more and be done. If everything so far checks out, I can proceed with caution and start to share bits.


----------



## unsure78

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ah, we all have our own ways of coping.
> 
> The museum curator is in another country across the ocean so they would know it isn't me.
> 
> I do find out their full names. Most men don't hide it. More women do to avoid stalkers. With my name they can look up real estate records and know where I live since I own my home. I tend to not give my phone number out, either.
> 
> I use their full names to do a background check. Often I can easily get another bit of info like their birth date. Once I have few things I can use these to verify things they tell me.
> 
> For instance someone tells met hey live on a certain side of town but I find a house in their name in another place. Then they tell me they have rental homes - now that makes sense. Or I find no divorce records on line only to find out the exW doesn't life here and he finalized the divorce in the exW's state.
> 
> Just cross-reference stuff. If I catch them in one lie I can assume there are more and be done. If everything so far checks out, I can proceed with caution and start to share bits.


Yessss what enjoli said... its easy stuff to find and I like to verify, I have had a lot stretch (lol) the truth...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## Nsweet

Today I applied for a IT training program at this teaching facility that is accredited with the community college here. If I get it, which I have a pretty good chance of, they'll give me 3 free suits and help with a lot of connections. 

BUT.... I have to cut my hair and permanently take out my tongue ring. So........ Yeah.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Kids and I celebrated Canada Day by walking around 2 different festivals for 7 hours. On the way back to the car D8 mentioned how my friend (who has the same name as IBF) has a girlfriend like him, but how his girlfriend is mom. She then asked me if it bothered me that mom had a boyfriend. 

I told her no and there's a good chance I'd have a girlfriend someday too. She then told me that she doesn't want mom to get married because she doesn't want to have a step dad. Lol, kids.


----------



## Hoosier

The reason they asked you questions about your situation, relationship,at your insurance agency is that there are some changes that require a signature, some don't. In the case of the removal of a spouse, by law they are a named insured, same level as you, on your policy. Once they are not a spouse they have no standing, nothing but your request required to remove them.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Today I applied for a IT training program at this teaching facility that is accredited with the community college here. If I get it, which I have a pretty good chance of, they'll give me 3 free suits and help with a lot of connections.
> 
> 
> 
> BUT.... I have to cut my hair and permanently take out my tongue ring. So........ Yeah.



Sounds like a great opportunity! I hope you take it up and enjoy the positive direction toward which it will lead you!


----------



## moxy

I didn't think anything on Game of Thrones would horrify me, but that fight scene involving the Red Viper really shocked me. Yikes. Just...yikes!


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Kids and I celebrated Canada Day by walking around 2 different festivals for 7 hours. On the way back to the car D8 mentioned how my friend (who has the same name as IBF) has a girlfriend like him, but how his girlfriend is mom. She then asked me if it bothered me that mom had a boyfriend.
> 
> I told her no and there's a good chance I'd have a girlfriend someday too. She then told me that she doesn't want mom to get married because she doesn't want to have a step dad. Lol, kids.




The things our poor bloody kids are expected to get their poor little heads around just because of our bs , just makes me sick to the stomach.
Must be damn tough sometimes d.


----------



## whitehawk

l think if anyone l was seeing told me she checked me out on google or otherwise well, l'd think she was some kind of l dunno what, that's just too much 21st century bs for me .
Funniest thing , l don't think anyone's even asked me my surname , l can't even remember beach houses surname , l'm not sure if it even came up and we spent 2mths day and night together.

Another one l was spending heaps of time with ,mainly phone and coffees for awhile there to, we started of with her name as just T , because she was in the public eye. Do you know to this day l still only know her as T . Told her one night it was a buzz not knowing her name just T and l didn't wanna know to spoil it.
One night at her house l saw something and just caught the start of her first name so l quickly looked away and told her to put it away 
When we first met l sorta knew her from something somewhere but never did figure out where it was from. Admittedly to l use to mentally block whatever it was to bc l didn't wanna spoil it.


----------



## moxy

I don't mind being googled, but I mind when people use details from my life to manipulate me or to be weird. If it were up to me, I'd know people's first and last names early on. It takes time to get to know someone, but...why hide a face or name? That feels shady to me.


----------



## whitehawk

None of mine or me have ever hid stuff like that . Sometimes it's just been fun not knowing or other times l just couldn't care less .


----------



## whitehawk

God life is strange :scratchhead:

l've basically still been on holiday you see , women holiday.
There's just one that's become a friend over time and we still often talk but that's all it is .
But, it's gotta be the old typical when your not looking thing , gotta be.
My site is still up and l dunno what's going on but there's been dozens of new emails and hi's come in . 
Not much for the girls l spose but for the guys that's a lot. There must be something in the air right now round here l swear .


----------



## whitehawk

Why couldn't there just pop up that one off fk yeah chick , just one .
l don't want anything bs right now l've just finished a huge few mths with selling up and moving .


----------



## whitehawk

lt's weird. When you've had a break for awhile l dunno how anyone else finds it but l don't really feel like jumping back into the mess of so many, l got myself into last time, it's too much [email protected] for nothing worthwhile .


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> lt's weird. When you've had a break for awhile l dunno how anyone else finds it but l don't really feel like jumping back into the mess of so many, l got myself into last time, it's too much [email protected] for nothing worthwhile .


That's not weird, it means you are getting comfortable and happy with yourself. You are content in your own company and that's a good thing


----------



## muskrat

This place sure has slowed down lately, where has everyone gone?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> This place sure has slowed down lately, where has everyone gone?


Haha, I posted about the same thing the other day! Nothing much going on for me right now, so I come here to live a little through my Singles Thread fam!


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, I posted about the same thing the other day! Nothing much going on for me right now, so I come here to live a little through my Singles Thread fam!


I haven't posted much lately, but I do read what's going on. Now that I'm single again  maybe I'll start posting more.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> This place sure has slowed down lately, where has everyone gone?


GF is on vacation out of town for the last week and a half so I have been working round the clock for the most part


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Today I applied for a IT training program at this teaching facility that is accredited with the community college here. If I get it, which I have a pretty good chance of, they'll give me 3 free suits and help with a lot of connections.
> 
> BUT.... I have to cut my hair and permanently take out my tongue ring. So........ Yeah.


Boo..but sometimes that's part of getting a professional job

and you can always change your look back later after you are more established


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I haven't posted much lately, but I do read what's going on. Now that I'm single again  maybe I'll start posting more.


Wait divorce is final? or you and the gf broke up?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I haven't posted much lately, but I do read what's going on. Now that I'm single again  maybe I'll start posting more.


Oh no! What happened? :scratchhead:


----------



## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> Wait divorce is final? or you and the gf broke up?


I have a feeling my divorce will never be final. 
As for the gf, the more I got to know her......She just has more emotional issues than I care to deal with.

This all is just reminding me why I hate dating so much.
On the down side, I now have an extra ticket to the Zac Brown band concert.


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> I have a feeling my divorce will never be final.
> As for the gf, the more I got to know her......She just has more emotional issues than I care to deal with.
> 
> This all is just reminding me why I hate dating so much.
> On the down side, I now have an extra ticket to the Zac Brown band concert.


Sorry Rat  yea it takes time for some of that to come out


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> I have a feeling my divorce will never be final.
> As for the gf, the more I got to know her......She just has more emotional issues than I care to deal with.
> 
> This all is just reminding me why I hate dating so much.
> On the down side, I now have an extra ticket to the Zac Brown band concert.


Good for you! I understand dating is hard, but you put yourself out there and stuck to a boundary. That's winning my friend, and nothing to be frustrated or "hate" about.


----------



## muskrat

hope4family said:


> Good for you! I understand dating is hard, but you put yourself out there and stuck to a boundary. That's winning my friend, and nothing to be frustrated or "hate" about.


I've been putting myself "out there" for almost 2 years. I just can't stand the whole first date, getting to know you thing. I have a bad feeling that it will be almost impossible to find someone that doesn't let their past dictate their future. I am also guilty of this to some extent. For someone that is repeatedly told that they are such a positive person, I sure feel negative.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I have a feeling my divorce will never be final.
> As for the gf, the more I got to know her......She just has more emotional issues than I care to deal with.
> 
> This all is just reminding me why I hate dating so much.
> On the down side, I now have an extra ticket to the Zac Brown band concert.


Sorry Rat 

I feel we need to be accountable for our actions (ie baggage) and try to improve ourselves.

I like the Zac Brown band.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I've been putting myself "out there" for almost 2 years. I just can't stand the whole first date, getting to know you thing. I have a bad feeling that it will be almost impossible to find someone that doesn't let their past dictate their future. I am also guilty of this to some extent. For someone that is repeatedly told that they are such a positive person, I sure feel negative.


I think you are a wonderful person Rat. I will tell you exactly what I think regarding your previous affair.

You moved too quickly, showing your emotions.
It seemed that you finally met her, then a couple of weeks later she was your official "girlfriend".

(Disclaimer) I am messed up, but I would not accept a "girlfriend" tittle too soon ><

Everything went too fast, too soon. 

Slow it down next time you meet someone special, read up on 
"How attraction works"


----------



## muskrat

She bailed on our weekend plans. It seems a discussion we had over which amusement park was better triggered something from her past about control issues. She still wants to continue talking, but I am ending it all. I am letting my past dictate my future. Her actions have triggered my past emotions from dealing with a WAW. I refuse to let myself get further entangled with someone that can run so hot and cold, especially over a silly conversation about amusement parks.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I refuse to let myself get further entangled with someone that can run so hot and cold, especially over a silly conversation about amusement parks.


Hot and cold is annoying as FCK.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> I think you are a wonderful person Rat. I will tell you exactly what I think regarding your previous affair.
> 
> You moved too quickly, showing your emotions.
> It seemed that you finally met her, then a couple of weeks later she was your official "girlfriend".
> 
> (Disclaimer) I am messed up, but I would not accept a "girlfriend" tittle too soon ><
> 
> Everything went too fast, too soon.
> 
> Slow it down next time you meet someone special, read up on
> "How attraction works"


I agree with this completely. Ironically, she was the one that was pushing full steam ahead and I was the one constantly applying the brakes. Thus my hot and cold comment in my previous post.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> She bailed on our weekend plans. It seems a discussion we had over which amusement park was better *triggered* something from her past about control issues. She still wants to continue talking, but I am ending it all. I am letting my past dictate my future. Her actions have triggered my past emotions from dealing with a WAW. I refuse to let myself get further entangled with someone that can run so hot and cold, especially over a silly conversation about amusement parks.


Ah, yeah, the stupid trigger monster attacks us all!!

It happened to me last week with blue eyes.
Then on SUnday when we were hanging out, he said to me: "Whatever issues you have with yourself, that is up to you. I cannot control how you feel"

He is absolutely right. We must control our own emotions. But triggering is a b!tch wearing red lipstick!!


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> I have a feeling my divorce will never be final.
> As for the gf, the more I got to know her......She just has more emotional issues than I care to deal with.


I feel the same way about the divorce process.

What a shame that the issues are a problem; at least you have discovered them early on, rather than much later when the attachment between you both may be deeper and acting on that discovery would be harder



muskrat said:


> I've been putting myself "out there" for almost 2 years. I just can't stand the whole first date, getting to know you thing. I have a bad feeling that it will be almost impossible to find someone that doesn't let their past dictate their future. I am also guilty of this to some extent...


What is it about the first date and getting to know someone that bothers you? Is it just that you want to be settled and not searching?



ne9907 said:


> You moved too quickly, showing your emotions.
> It seemed that you finally met her, then a couple of weeks later she was your official "girlfriend".


I don't think that the girlfriend or boyfriend designation needs to be an earned title. It's a designation that characterizes the nature of a relationship, rather than a position that has gone through a series of screenings of promotions. I do think that it might be too soon to call someone a GF or BF one a first or even third date, but, once a couple has a discussion about exclusivity, the relationship changes. Some people want a romantic companion, some just want a bed buddy. The GF/BF designation isn't a mark of progress, just a commentary on the kind of partnership you have with someone else. A couple of weeks is not too soon to decide this -- especially not if you are ultimately trying to find a long term relationship. 



muskrat said:


> She bailed on our weekend plans. It seems a discussion we had over which amusement park was better triggered something from her past about control issues. She still wants to continue talking, but I am ending it all. I am letting my past dictate my future. Her actions have triggered my past emotions from dealing with a WAW. I refuse to let myself get further entangled with someone that can run so hot and cold, especially over a silly conversation about amusement parks.


Conflict resolution styles are a big deal. They often don't change either. If you believe that the way you each handle conflict isn't compatible, then it's wise to cut things off right away. I wouldn't say that it's your past dictating your future, but that it's your experiences shaping your understanding of risk and reward.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I think you are a wonderful person Rat. I will tell you exactly what I think regarding your previous affair.
> 
> You moved too quickly, showing your emotions.
> It seemed that you finally met her, then a couple of weeks later she was your official "girlfriend".
> 
> (Disclaimer) I am messed up, but I would not accept a "girlfriend" tittle too soon ><
> 
> Everything went too fast, too soon.
> 
> Slow it down next time you meet someone special, read up on
> "How attraction works"


I dont think there is anything wrong with "girlfriend" after a few weeks. If you dont want each other dating others, then it needs to be established. 

Sorry it didnt work out, Rat. I'll take your other ticket!


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


>


I wish life really could be that simple.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont think there is anything wrong with "girlfriend" after a few weeks. If you dont want each other dating others, then it needs to be established.
> 
> Sorry it didnt work out, Rat. I'll take your other ticket!


What date was it that you said you were moving east?


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont think there is anything wrong with "girlfriend" after a few weeks. If you dont want each other dating others, then it needs to be established.


Yikes! Am I the only one here who freaks out at the words "girlfriend/boyfriend" "exclusivity" "committment"?


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Yikes! Am I the only one here who freaks out at the words "girlfriend/boyfriend" "exclusivity" "committment"?


doesn't freak me out...ive noticed with the all the dating ive done that usually if people really do hit it off those terms or exclusivity come into play pretty quickly (though not on the first few dates but first few weeks)

not always but this is what I have seen...


----------



## muskrat

If you really hit it off with someone, I think it is natural to want some kind of exclusivity before fully investing yourself. I agree it takes more than a date or 3, but after a couple weeks I find this normal.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> doesn't freak me out...ive noticed with the all the dating ive done that usually if people really do hit it off those terms or exclusivity come into play pretty quickly (though not on the first few dates but first few weeks)
> 
> not always but this is what I have seen...





muskrat said:


> If you really hit it off with someone, I think it is natural to want some kind of exclusivity before fully investing yourself. I agree it takes more than a date or 3, but after a couple weeks I find this normal.


I am abnormal.... 

I do not want "titles." I read and understood Moxy's statement regarding the designation of the words girlfriend/boyfriend. I want a casual monogamous relationship. 


On a peculiar stalkingsh-kinda-note, yesterday I mentioned to you all that I am going to a LIFEHOUSE concert on the 18th. 
Well today, all my TAM adds/banners are about Lifehouse haha!!


----------



## movealong

Question for you all that have been single longer than me (probably everyone on this thread!)

I have been hesitant to get a new phone plan. Currently I and all of the kids are on a plan in my XW's name. I had tacitly agreed to keep it until the phone upgrades were paid off then she would sign the account over to me. In the interim, I have found that she is texting/calling an old HS sweetheart. I know, none of my business and the second of the 4 agreements says not to take things personally. If he were single, I could deal with it, but he's not. He married back in November of last year. The 3rd agreement says not to make assumptions. Just looking at the text/call history, it is more than just old friends getting reacquainted. Early morning calls and texts, late night calls and texts, etc.

My issue with it is that it appears to be an EA. One that could wind up destroying his marriage and hurting another person, his wife. I do not want to be a party to that, and I feel that by keeping the phone plan as is I am giving implied approval. Yeah, I know how it sounds. But it really bothers me.

I have seen too many marriages split because of this and similar issues and I do not want to be a part of it. OTOH, if I get a new phone plan I am breaking my word. So, I am conflicted on how to proceed. Any suggestions are welcome.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Question for you all that have been single longer than me (probably everyone on this thread!)
> 
> I have been hesitant to get a new phone plan. Currently I and all of the kids are on a plan in my XW's name. I had tacitly agreed to keep it until the phone upgrades were paid off then she would sign the account over to me. In the interim, I have found that she is texting/calling an old HS sweetheart. I know, none of my business and the second of the 4 agreements says not to take things personally. If he were single, I could deal with it, but he's not. He married back in November of last year. The 3rd agreement says not to make assumptions. Just looking at the text/call history, it is more than just old friends getting reacquainted. Early morning calls and texts, late night calls and texts, etc.
> 
> My issue with it is that it appears to be an EA. One that could wind up destroying his marriage and hurting another person, his wife. I do not want to be a party to that, and I feel that by keeping the phone plan as is I am giving implied approval. Yeah, I know how it sounds. But it really bothers me.
> 
> I have seen too many marriages split because of this and similar issues and I do not want to be a part of it. OTOH, if I get a new phone plan I am breaking my word. So, I am conflicted on how to proceed. Any suggestions are welcome.


I understand how you feel, but it really has nothing to do with you, per say. Stop looking, she isnt your wife any more, so you dont NEED to do this and only cause anguish for yourself. Maybe mention it to her, she will probably get pissy and tell you to get your own plan, so there ya go.


----------



## unsure78

movealong said:


> Question for you all that have been single longer than me (probably everyone on this thread!)
> 
> I have been hesitant to get a new phone plan. Currently I and all of the kids are on a plan in my XW's name. I had tacitly agreed to keep it until the phone upgrades were paid off then she would sign the account over to me. In the interim, I have found that she is texting/calling an old HS sweetheart. I know, none of my business and the second of the 4 agreements says not to take things personally. If he were single, I could deal with it, but he's not. He married back in November of last year. The 3rd agreement says not to make assumptions. Just looking at the text/call history, it is more than just old friends getting reacquainted. Early morning calls and texts, late night calls and texts, etc.
> 
> My issue with it is that it appears to be an EA. One that could wind up destroying his marriage and hurting another person, his wife. I do not want to be a party to that, and I feel that by keeping the phone plan as is I am giving implied approval. Yeah, I know how it sounds. But it really bothers me.
> 
> I have seen too many marriages split because of this and similar issues and I do not want to be a part of it. OTOH, if I get a new phone plan I am breaking my word. So, I am conflicted on how to proceed. Any suggestions are welcome.


Best thing i did prior to D was separate phone plans so I couldn't see his records anymore....its hard to just stop looking

How much extra will it cost?


----------



## movealong

unsure78 said:


> Best thing i did prior to D was separate phone plans so I couldn't see his records anymore....its hard to just stop looking
> 
> How much extra will it cost?


I am not sure how much it will cost. I have an email in to my mortgage company to see if getting a new contract will hurt my refinance or not. So until I hear back I am just going to chill out.

It really is none of my business, but I do feel sorry for the guy's wife if they are in an EA. I feel worse for my daughter if she finds out that her mother broke up a marriage (if it comes to that).


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> Question for you all that have been single longer than me (probably everyone on this thread!)
> 
> I have been hesitant to get a new phone plan. Currently I and all of the kids are on a plan in my XW's name. I had tacitly agreed to keep it until the phone upgrades were paid off then she would sign the account over to me. In the interim, I have found that she is texting/calling an old HS sweetheart. I know, none of my business and the second of the 4 agreements says not to take things personally. If he were single, I could deal with it, but he's not. He married back in November of last year. The 3rd agreement says not to make assumptions. Just looking at the text/call history, it is more than just old friends getting reacquainted. Early morning calls and texts, late night calls and texts, etc.
> 
> My issue with it is that it appears to be an EA. One that could wind up destroying his marriage and hurting another person, his wife. I do not want to be a party to that, and I feel that by keeping the phone plan as is I am giving implied approval. Yeah, I know how it sounds. But it really bothers me.
> 
> I have seen too many marriages split because of this and similar issues and I do not want to be a part of it. OTOH, if I get a new phone plan I am breaking my word. So, I am conflicted on how to proceed. Any suggestions are welcome.


Repeat after me:










In other words, stay out of it. It's not your business. If this guys is going to f*ck up his marriage with an EA with your ex-wife, it's on him. (And if it wasn't with your XW, it would just be with some other chick. Monkey. Whatever.)

Focus on your own circus and your own animals. This other situation isn't deserving of your time an energy, and if you do anything other than stay out of it, it's going to turn out poorly and you'll bear the brunt of it, even if your intentions are good.

Stick to your word and keep the plan, so at least you can feel good about that, and don't look at her call/text log.


----------



## FeministInPink

That's totally my thing right now, the monkeys and the circus.


----------



## vi_bride04

Why would getting a new cell phone contract hurt your refinance? Its not like opening a new line of credit like a credit card.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> That's totally my thing right now, the monkeys and the circus.


I hate monkeys. 

Dirty nasty little hairy people.


----------



## muskrat

What a day. A close friend of mine finally got a ruling on a custody dispute. I feel sorry for the guy, our legal system just keeps pounding him. His fiancé called me, she was very worried about him. So I went to his job site and forced him to go get lunch with me. We spent 3 hours together, mostly him venting. I think I got him calmed down. Spending time with him sure put my problems in perspective. Mine are minor compared to the hell he has been through.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> I hate monkeys.
> 
> Dirty nasty little hairy people.


That's why MY circus has bunnies!


----------



## FeministInPink




----------



## FeministInPink




----------



## FeministInPink

But do NOT, under any circumstances, listen to these bunnies:

Bunnies Who Give Terrible Advice


----------



## movealong

vi_bride04 said:


> Why would getting a new cell phone contract hurt your refinance? Its not like opening a new line of credit like a credit card.


That is what I am waiting to find out. Any new cell phone contract requires a credit check, so maybe having a "hit" on my report may cause something? IDK. I am still waiting to hear back.


----------



## movealong

muskrat said:


> What a day. A close friend of mine finally got a ruling on a custody dispute. I feel sorry for the guy, our legal system just keeps pounding him. His fiancé called me, she was very worried about him. So I went to his job site and forced him to go get lunch with me. We spent 3 hours together, mostly him venting. I think I got him calmed down. Spending time with him sure put my problems in perspective. Mine are minor compared to the hell he has been through.


I hear you. My problems are minor compared to other's. I need to remember that more often.


----------



## nice777guy

movealong said:


> That is what I am waiting to find out. Any new cell phone contract requires a credit check, so maybe having a "hit" on my report may cause something? IDK. I am still waiting to hear back.


Instead of getting a free phone if you sign up for a 2 year deal, they are now letting you finance your phone with no interest over 2 years. End result is about the same price - but people don't have that "trapped" feeling.


----------



## FeministInPink

I read somewhere that some of the new laws passed a year or two ago have changed how credit is reported, so that credit checks no longer ding your credit the way they used to. So a new phone contract shouldn't affect you at all, at most you're looking at 3-5 points. 

Did anyone else read that?


----------



## ne9907

My fourth of July vacation begins is approximately 22 minutes.
It will end on July 13~

So excited! Vegas here I come!!!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> My fourth of July vacation begins is approximately 22 minutes.
> It will end on July 13~
> 
> So excited! Vegas here I come!!!


Have fun but make sure you get plenty of sleep. Vegas Syndrome is very real. I used to work a lot in Vegas and seeing people who had gone three days without sleeping was not uncommon. They were like zombies..


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> My fourth of July vacation begins is approximately 22 minutes.
> It will end on July 13~
> 
> So excited! Vegas here I come!!!


And don't get married!!! ROLL 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I agree with this completely. Ironically, she was the one that was pushing full steam ahead and I was the one constantly applying the brakes. Thus my hot and cold comment in my previous post.


You are only responsible for yourself. 
You shouldn't really have had to feel like you needed to slow *her* down. 
Did you communicate with her you felt like it was going to fast? If not that is on you...if you did and she kept on the throttle then she wasn't respecting your wishes and you were letting her which would also be on you. All you needed to do was let her know how you felt, if so you did your part so you make judgments on how she reacts and if it is not how you needed cut it loose. Do you get what I am saying?
Sounds like it just wasn't working out Boss...NEXT


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I've been putting myself "out there" for almost 2 years. I just can't stand the whole first date, getting to know you thing. I have a bad feeling that it will be almost impossible to find someone that doesn't let their past dictate their future. I am also guilty of this to some extent. For someone that is repeatedly told that they are such a positive person, I sure feel negative.



Yeah l worry about all that too.
l even see it totally fkg with my ex's head and in things she's doing , it even stands out on her face book stuff, like tits on a bull. lt's really sad because it's so obviously messing with her future and it's already fkd our family :scratchhead:

But to , with every girl l've met so far it's also either been very obvious day one or starts to surface over time. 
l know that's what it is with beach house too but the thing with her was we could have been a 2nd chance for us both , things were that strong. She even admitted all that herself and that we might not either of us ever find that again yet she still let her past and crap fk it all. What a damn waste .

l really hate that first date and first real sight thing to , as most the others have been from date sites . 
This is why l resist meeting up too soon and just talk for awhile first because stuff has usually come out anyway in time and l've usually seen it's just not for me anyway without even bothering or going through the first date thing. 
Bit of a relief .


----------



## Nsweet

I cut my hair today. 

That's 2 ft of lustrous silk and a pony tail gone. 

..... Now I feel like a dork.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I am not sure how much it will cost. I have an email in to my mortgage company to see if getting a new contract will hurt my refinance or not. So until I hear back I am just going to chill out.
> 
> It really is none of my business, but I do feel sorry for the guy's wife if they are in an EA. I feel worse for my daughter if she finds out that her mother broke up a marriage (if it comes to that).



l'd find a way to tell his wife. l fkg despise those games your ex is playing with other peoples lives . She's probably fkd with his head and new marriage so much already .


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Repeat after me:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In other words, stay out of it. It's not your business. If this guys is going to f*ck up his marriage with an EA with your ex-wife, it's on him. (And if it wasn't with your XW, it would just be with some other chick. Monkey. Whatever.)
> 
> Focus on your own circus and your own animals. This other situation isn't deserving of your time an energy, and if you do anything other than stay out of it, it's going to turn out poorly and you'll bear the brunt of it, even if your intentions are good.
> 
> Stick to your word and keep the plan, so at least you can feel good about that, and don't look at her call/text log.



God l wish l had a printer l'd love to put that one up on the fridge.
My mates got one that says " don't bring your [email protected] into my house "
love it .


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> I've been putting myself "out there" for almost 2 years. I just can't stand the whole first date, getting to know you thing. I have a bad feeling that it will be almost impossible to find someone that doesn't let their past dictate their future. I am also guilty of this to some extent. For someone that is repeatedly told that they are such a positive person, I sure feel negative.


I hear ya. I have said it plenty of times that starting at about my age (early 30's) you are who you are and it takes a whirlwind or enlarged dedication to change.


----------



## whitehawk

nice777guy said:


> Instead of getting a free phone if you sign up for a 2 year deal, they are now letting you finance your phone with no interest over 2 years. End result is about the same price - but people don't have that "trapped" feeling.



With mine you just walk into the office and sign up a 2yr plan. That's it. Anyone can do it.
Gets you a new phone of your choice plus all your calls and internet plus pays of the new phone.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> I cut my hair today.
> 
> That's 2 ft of lustrous silk and a pony tail gone.
> 
> ..... Now I feel like a dork.



Short hair doesn't make you a dork. Plus, it opens doors for you to do this, right? Change can be frustrating, but also good. Hang in there!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

How much hair is left? 2 feet is a lot!
Did you donate it?


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> How much hair is left? 2 feet is a lot!
> Did you donate it?


Ok, it may not have been 2ft even though it felt like it. 

However, I did donate my hair from the last time when it was a lot longer. 

It's about 2" on top and short on the sides. I can actually do a lot with it, but I'm parting it on the side for that clean cut nerdy look. You know, IT field and all.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nsweet said:


> Ok, it may not have been 2ft even though it felt like it.
> 
> However, I did donate my hair from the last time when it was a lot longer.
> 
> It's about 2" on top and short on the sides. I can actually do a lot with it, but I'm parting it on the side for that clean cut nerdy look. You know, IT field and all.


hahahah, IT field. I work in IT and my hair is a mop. 
You should move to NH, in IT people are allowed to look like cave trolls, it improves their credibility. 

That said, I am going to the spa tomorrow to get totally thatched, well, not quite EVERWHERE. Even going to lose the hairy arms. I cannot ever remember not having hair on my arms, not even as a kid. 

Your hair sounds nice though, are you going to use some of that spiking/shaping gel? Might as well go full monty.


----------



## Nsweet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> hahahah, IT field. I work in IT and my hair is a mop.
> You should move to NH, in IT people are allowed to look like cave trolls, it improves their credibility.
> 
> That said, I am going to the spa tomorrow to get totally thatched, well, not quite EVERWHERE. Even going to lose the hairy arms. I cannot ever remember not having hair on my arms, not even as a kid.
> 
> Your hair sounds nice though, are you going to use some of that spiking/shaping gel? Might as well go full monty.


I lived in NH for over a year when I was in the Navy. 

This was not my decision to cut my hair but a general recommendation by the supervisor interviewed me yesterday. For real, they were impressed overall by my IT experience before, during, and after the Navy.... But he told me about 4 or 5 times that cutting my hair would be more than a good idea. 

Again, this is just a 22 week tech school to get my foot in the door for a major company and get 15 college credits towards an electronics/computers.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm in IT. Nsweet, its worth cutting your hair to get in the door. It's a bank$$$ career if you stick with it


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm in IT. Nsweet, its worth cutting your hair to get in the door. It's a bank$$$ career if you stick with it


Thanks VI. I really hope I get into this program. 

I know people keep telling me it's almost a sure thing, based on my experience with electronics and the Navy and all, but I can't help but worry. 

I mean I can't say it's going to happen..... But they just accepted this big fat Jamaican guy who served in the Army infantry, and he's a total dumbass when it comes to fixing anything. Here I have like 20 years of experience playing around with electronics, surfing the web, troubleshooting my own computers, building little robots, fixing Xboxes and small kitchen appliances, not to mention Certificates from the Navy for submarine electronic courses and computer networking classes. So there's no reason they shouldn't take me. 

I don't know, I just can't help but think it's not going to happen.


----------



## moxy

Think positive thoughts, Nsweet. It will happen -- now, or later. Project that positivity and confidence and your chances increase!


----------



## whitehawk

Well blow me down with a feather, l am damn impressed with my new town.
My only worry moving here was that it is tiny. Beautiful and coastal but tiny. 3mill tourists a year up and down the coast all around me but the population itself, very small.
Well , been walking the dog a lot , see who's around while l'm at it, and l'm impressed .
lt's had some new subdivisions and land opened up and it's brought in a lot of new people and alternatives. Because although it's coastal , the flood of new blocks has brought the prices down.
So this means people can come and live out in this gorgeous coast lifestyle for the same price as one of the inland towns with no coast yet still only be 15 mins away from all the crap they do have and hey , people are waking up to this .
This place has been untapped for yrs but finally people are seeing the light .

So what's all that got to do with us here in our singles thread l hear you ask.
Well if your a male with a dog , you should see the new found female population - hooley dooley , nice ! They're everywhere in fact and they seem most welcoming to a single guy with a dog too .

To round it of , my daughter just loves it. We just finished having tea up on a clifftop looking out over the beach , dog , women walking about everywhere , very friendly ones .
l think l made the right choice , vedy happy :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

My date site and all those weird complexities that go with meeting new people in that kind of a way , are suddenly seeming light years away from the real world.
But hey , should something decent come of some of it , l'm pretty sure she'd have no qualms about hanging out with me round here :smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

Good for you, Nsweet! This sounds like a great opportunity for you...life-changing, actually!

You should post a picture of your new 'do. 


I live in a Navy town, and I went out on a couple of first dates with a couple of former Navy guys who are now in IT. They all loved their jobs, and seemed to be making a good living. 

I am happy for you and your future.


----------



## jpr

Hahaha. I thought I was the only one who did this.

How a password can change your life


It actually works for me.

..it is like a simple cognitive therapy techinique


----------



## movealong

jpr said:


> Hahaha. I thought I was the only one who did this.
> 
> How a password can change your life
> 
> 
> It actually works for me.
> 
> ..it is like a simple cognitive therapy techinique


That is cool. I will have to start doing that!! My first one will be: [email protected]


----------



## jpr

movealong said:


> That is cool. I will have to start doing that!! My first one will be: [email protected]





I am glad to hear that someone else enjoys these little dorky, silly things to make changes.


...I used to have a little piece of cardstock that I kept in my pocket all day that said, "He is no longer an option. He does not love you." When I caught my brain wandering and thinking about all the "What ifs...", I would touch the card in my pocket and remember the truth.

...but I always kept my password changes positive. ...they are about things that I wanted to do to make myself feel better. Lately, they have been about blessings in my life that I want to focus on. 

I think my next one might be "Run3veryday" ........that has been my goal for the summer...but, I have only been running every other day lately.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

jpr said:


> I am glad to hear that someone else enjoys these little dorky, silly things to make changes.


These are not dorky silly little things.

Your thoughts are the substance of all life.

People really do create the world with how they think at a basic level...

Semantics are not trivial. 

Keep doing the little things, they are far more important than the big things. It has to start somewhere.

Your body, health, etc. will actually change according to how you think. Things can also happen that you never thought possible.


----------



## movealong

The Law of Attraction - thinking about what you want creates it in your life.

Negative thoughts bring negative experiences.
Positive thoughts bring positive experiences.

I've been using this for a while now.


----------



## whitehawk

l know it all sounds good but has it really made any difference ? Just wondering that's all.

Strangest thing a few weeks back l had sooo much on , huge stuff and worries and stress. l knew it was all coming and l was pretty worried about coping after everything else.
So l tried this positive thought thing and you know what , over the next wk all sorts of [email protected] started going wrong , yep wrong, through the biggest hardest part .
l don't understand why it all went like that seems l never usually even bother trying to be positive l just do my thing. But it was like someone heard me trying to be positive and said fk you jacko , ain't gonna happen. Weird :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Still , when you think about it , typing something so often like a password you use a lot , could do something .


----------



## movealong

The way I understand it, your conscious and subconscious mind are at odds. Your conscious mind wants positive, your subconscious expects negative. Whatever is stronger is what happens. :shrug:

I know for me the positive changes are just recently starting. I have been thinking positive, but still feeling negative until lately. It is now easier for me to stop the thoughts of my XW almost immediately, and the thoughts are becoming less and less frequent. But, I have been "actively" monitoring the negative and replacing it with positive as soon as I realize what I am doing. 

It does seem to be helping me. And, I do not think it is immediate, anymore immediate than getting in to a relationship, divorcing, or anything else. It takes time to reprogram those neural pathways to think positive most of the time.



whitehawk said:


> l know it all sounds good but has it really made any difference ? Just wondering that's all.
> 
> Strangest thing a few weeks back l had sooo much on , huge stuff and worries and stress. l knew it was all coming and l was pretty worried about coping after everything else.
> So l tried this positive thought thing and you know what , over the next wk all sorts of [email protected] started going wrong , yep wrong, through the biggest hardest part .
> l don't understand why it all went like that seems l never usually even bother trying to be positive l just do my thing. But it was like someone heard me trying to be positive and said fk you jacko , ain't gonna happen. Weird :scratchhead:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

movealong said:


> The way I understand it, your conscious and subconscious mind are at odds. Your conscious mind wants positive, your subconscious expects negative. Whatever is stronger is what happens. :shrug:
> 
> I know for me the positive changes are just recently starting. I have been thinking positive, but still feeling negative until lately. It is now easier for me to stop the thoughts of my XW almost immediately, and the thoughts are becoming less and less frequent. But, I have been "actively" monitoring the negative and replacing it with positive as soon as I realize what I am doing.
> 
> It does seem to be helping me. And, I do not think it is immediate, anymore immediate than getting in to a relationship, divorcing, or anything else. It takes time to reprogram those neural pathways to think positive most of the time.


OR - you just haven't seen the positive fallout from what you INITIALLY perceive as a negative thing. Lost a job? Next one is better. Hurt yourself? Could have been much worse. Argued with a loved one? You established boundaries that will serve you well down the road.

Don't be too hasty to determine if something is negative.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Thanks VI. I really hope I get into this program.
> 
> I know people keep telling me it's almost a sure thing, based on my experience with electronics and the Navy and all, but I can't help but worry.
> 
> I mean I can't say it's going to happen..... But they just accepted this big fat Jamaican guy who served in the Army infantry, and he's a total dumbass when it comes to fixing anything. Here I have like 20 years of experience playing around with electronics, surfing the web, troubleshooting my own computers, building little robots, fixing Xboxes and small kitchen appliances, not to mention Certificates from the Navy for submarine electronic courses and computer networking classes. *So there's no reason they shouldn't take me*.
> 
> I don't know, I just can't help but think it's not going to happen.


Of all people...SMH 
Nsweet buddy you sound like that guy that complains about not being able to get a girl cause he thinks he is such a catch...I mean come on he's smart, decently attractive, well put together in life, got his head on straight, oh and got a big **** so what girl wouldn't want him right :smthumbup:
Wrong!!! Lack of confidence, know what you got! Own that shiat and rock it!

 I'm just teasing anyway but I'm sure you will do fine. If it doesn't work out this time there will be other things available.


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> OR - you just haven't seen the positive fallout from what you INITIALLY perceive as a negative thing. Lost a job? Next one is better. Hurt yourself? Could have been much worse. Argued with a loved one? You established boundaries that will serve you well down the road.
> 
> Don't be too hasty to determine if something is negative.


I was going to say that just not as eloquently so I will just bow to that


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Hahaha. I thought I was the only one who did this.
> 
> How a password can change your life
> 
> 
> It actually works for me.
> 
> ..it is like a simple cognitive therapy techinique


Awesome


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah that does make sense .
My best mate growing up was a karate expert and his teacher was one of those strong men.
Once l got roped into going helping in one of his shows and guess what l had to do. Drive a 3 ton truck over him, yep l **** you not.While he was laying on a bed of nails. Man, never been so scared .
But later he was telling me, yep he was fine, it's just about the mind and nothing to do with his physical strength .

My mate was all about the mind to and he use to do all sorts of bizarre impossibles . 
He use to freak us out almost daily .


----------



## whitehawk

l don't know about positives to follow , sometimes though l do know it has happened to me from bad [email protected]

But l do often wonder just what if anything was intended in my marriage breaking up.
Ever wonder , is it leading to something bigger and better , was there some point ?


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> l don't know about positives to follow , sometimes though l do know it has happened to me from bad [email protected]
> 
> But l do often wonder just what if anything was intended in my marriage breaking up.
> Ever wonder , is it leading to something bigger and better , was there some point ?


I think yes, it is leading to something better. 

When I consider my own divorce it hurts that it is over, but dang, now that I am in a sexless relationship it's just me. 

All the lessons I learned in what to do and not do, establishing and maintaining boundaries, seeing red flags and not brushing them aside, I know that I am better equipped to make better decisions for "me". When I am ready for a new relationship the person is going to benefit from all of the self-knowledge I have gained through this process.


----------



## moxy

It still hurts me that my marriage is over, but I have finally gotten to a point where I can say that there were some beautiful things about that love that will always live within me, but that we have adventures in different paths now and that's great for us both, too. I suspect that the reason things went to hell was because we needed to go in different directions, but were forcing one in between that satisfied neither of us. I'm surprised to feel this way, but, glad. Funny, I will always love exh, but I see that while we were good for another for a time, that time has changed us, now. I really do like Guy; he will probably break my heart something awful and sooner than I want it to happen, but I am really surprised by how I feel when we talk or whatever. I suppose that being able to connect with someone new, to realize that I'm attractive to this person and that this person wants my body (exh rejected me constantly because he was having an affair and it looked like he was being loyal to his mistress; killed my self esteem about my body and sex appeal) has really helped me see beyond exh. Even if nothing comes of this fling, I'm glad for it. Anyway, maybe I'll see him this weekend. For now, I'm just recognizing that I am making a little bit of emotional progress in moving on from exh; I thought it would happen on its own one day without connecting to anyone else, but maybe that's not how it goes. I can't believe I'm willing to take risks again. Nothing new; just a few flirty text conversations, but that's nice, too. And...I don't know what it is about this dating site, but people in my age range seldom write to me, though 90% of the messages I get are from guys in their 20s; I don't want to make a habit of dating younger men, but it feels nice to be acknowledged anyway. I hope I don't come across as immature. :/ Maybe it's just my open-ness to the caudal that creates this dynamic. Today, I feel good about possibility in life, overall. I feel less sad than I have felt in a long time. I feel grateful for good things.


----------



## moxy

Please ignore the autocorrect fails in my post. I hate the way my phone changes words!!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> It still hurts me that my marriage is over, but I have finally gotten to a point where I can say that there were some beautiful things about that love that will always live within me, but that we have adventures in different paths now and that's great for us both, too. I suspect that the reason things went to hell was because we needed to go in different directions, but were forcing one in between that satisfied neither of us. I'm surprised to feel this way, but, glad. Funny, I will always love exh, but I see that while we were good for another for a time, that time has changed us, now.


That's a good perspective. At least you both handled it like adults and did not cheat on each other.  Remember the good times and the times when you brought out the best in each other. The divorce does not negate those. You know John Lennon lied when he wrote "All You Need is Love". Wrong. A good marriage has to have much more than that. 




> I really do like Guy; he will probably break my heart something awful and sooner than I want it to happen, but I am really surprised by how I feel when we talk or whatever. I suppose that being able to connect with someone new, to realize that I'm attractive to this person and that this person wants my body (exh rejected me constantly because he was having an affair and it looked like he was being loyal to his mistress; killed my self esteem about my body and sex appeal) has really helped me see beyond exh. Even if nothing comes of this fling, I'm glad for it. Anyway, maybe I'll see him this weekend. For now, I'm just recognizing that I am making a little bit of emotional progress in moving on from exh; I thought it would happen on it's own one day without connecting to anyone else, but maybe that's not how it goes. I can't believe I'm willing to take risks again. Today, I feel good about possibility in life, overall.



That's why it's called a love affair. It's not supposed to last. It is to be enjoyed and savored while it lasts.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Positive thoughts need to be aligned with the universe.
If you're at odds with the universe nothing can happen.
The trick is to also become aware of the negative thoughts, to allow them to be there, and to flow along as they need to, but not to allow them access to substance. In order to be aligned with the universe, you have to have knowledge of and control of dark matter. It doesn't mean you want it to materialize, but if you pretend it doesn't exist, it will remind you that it does.

If positive thinking fails for you, you need to consider whether the positive thoughts are somehow not aligned with reality, inner working mechanisms of the universe. In order to drink water, you need to accept that there's a certain level of microbes. Your body knows this and has a mechanism for handling them, they pass through the other end, no worries. Now apply that to all the cr*p in your life, you don't avoid it or make it disappear, you accept that it's there and devise a plan for channeling it through. After a while the flow is so normal that the bad stuff APPEARS to disappear. It's still there, but dealing with it and acknowledging it has become so second-nature that it appears that your life is overwhelmingly positive. It's all about flow. Not avoidance. 

In your inner thoughts you should have phrases, like oh that really sucks now doesn't it (but in a cheerful sort of voice) and when the mom next door starts swearing loudly at her kids you just say...ahhhh, let the yelling begin. And let it go. It's not what's going to become your life, unless you choose to focus on it.


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> I cut my hair today.
> 
> That's 2 ft of lustrous silk and a pony tail gone.
> 
> ..... Now I feel like a dork.


Aw. Poor Legolas.


----------



## bandit.45

Tonight. 

Syrian. 

In my bed.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> That's a good perspective. At least you both handled it like adults and did not cheat on each other....Remember the good times and the times when you brought out the best in each other. The divorce does not negate those.


I wish that were true, bandit. Exh was a big time man-wh0re and emotionally abusive, too. He cheated through the entire marriage and I didn't know, until the end. I don't think he intended to be cruel to me, so I was unable to admit the emotional abuse until recently, but...an affair is no excuse to tell one's wife that one will beat the crap out of her because she asked for sex, no matter how annoying it is that her high heels and lingerie are distracting one from sexting with the mistress while sitting on the other side of the couch. However, there were lots and lots of good times, too. I'm trying to honor the good so that I can learn how to walk away feeling less broken. I didn't realize how emotional I was, lately, but some significant ex-anniversaries are during this month and I guess I'm feeling anxiety because of them. Just looked at the calendar.




bandit.45 said:


> That's why it's called a love affair. It's not supposed to last. It is to be enjoyed and savored while it lasts.


Yes! That is so true. 



bandit.45 said:


> Tonight.
> 
> Syrian.
> 
> In my bed.


Yay, for you!!!


----------



## muskrat

When one door closes another one opens.
Yesterday after ending the relationship I was in, I put my dating profile back up. I already have a first date/ meet set up for sunday evening. Either I'm getting the hang of this online crap or the women are getting more desperate. :scratchhead::smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> When one door closes another one opens.
> Yesterday after ending the relationship I was in, I put my dating profile back up. I already have a first date/ meet set up for sunday evening. Either I'm getting the hang of this online crap or the women are getting more desperate. :scratchhead::smthumbup:


You are going to be a dating pro, like me...practice makes perfect 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

I called, I'm in. 

I got into the program.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> I called, I'm in.
> 
> I got into the program.


CONGRATS! Good job
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Congrats, Nsweet on your new gig! Life's going to get better and better from here on.

Muskrat -- Yay for you and your upcoming date!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Tonight.
> 
> Syrian.
> 
> In my bed.


Awesome! I would like to ask the universe to send a man that will be as excited to have me in his bed as you are to have Syrian in yours. Make it happen universe!!



muskrat said:


> When one door closes another one opens.
> Yesterday after ending the relationship I was in, I put my dating profile back up. I already have a first date/ meet set up for sunday evening. Either I'm getting the hang of this online crap or the women are getting more desperate. :scratchhead::smthumbup:


:smthumbup:



Nsweet said:


> I called, I'm in.
> 
> I got into the program.


Pretty freaking awesome! Congratulations!!!


I am so irritated and cranky today.... I hates it!


----------



## bandit.45

Okay ladies...

I need your vote.

I'm picking up Syrian at the airport at 7:30 pm. 

White roses or red?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Okay ladies...
> 
> I need your vote.
> 
> I'm picking up Syrian at the airport at 7:30 pm.
> 
> White roses or red?


Holy ****! You are going all in!!

If you want casual, no big investments then nix the roses.

However, if you want to pursue a serious relationship with this woman go with the red roses.


----------



## ne9907

I've pinpointed the reason of my ill-tempered attitude today. I do not want to spend the 4th of July at my sister's house in the big city. I do not want to spend the 4th of July with anyone but myself.

This is the first time since 1999 that I will not be with ex husband for a 4th of July celebration. 
Even though the person I fell in love with no longer exist and was replaced by a abominable individual (perhaps he always had a heinous character but I never saw it), I feel sadness that he totally fvcked out any chances for us to have a successful marriage. Yes, I am putting all the blame on him.

I actually want to spend the 4th alone, in a cool room, watching a marathon of "Orange is the new black," that is how I will celebrate MY independence. Doing what I want to do and not what others want of me.


----------



## moxy

Bandit -- white, with anemones, amaryllis, and dahlias in red, like a stripe through the middle. In my opinion, just roses are traditional, but, if you think she's a traditional sort of gal, a half dozen red would probably be pretty; easier to juggle and appreciate while carrying luggage or recouping from a plane ride.


----------



## moxy

Alone is good, too, ne. However, being with friends might make you happy. 1999? That's a long while ago. I know it sucks, but being social may help you see 4th of July differently.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Alone is good, too, ne. However, being with friends might make you happy. 1999? That's a long while ago. I know it sucks, but being social may help you see 4th of July differently.


Yes, we met in September 98 and became inseparable after that. 
I want to be alone.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I had a Skype session with a friend and a spa session today.
Other than that will have been alone 9 days.
My work partner emailed me from his vaca today to say hi.

Being alone for one day is good for anyone.

I think I tend to take alone to the extreme but after years and years of never being alone this is good.


----------



## moxy

I'm alone a LOT of the time. I like my independence. On most holidays, though, I tend to crave a little social time.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l've been alone a lot of the time to through my whole separation thing to now.

l do like my space and l've also just needed to work through stuff on my own to. l tend to feel like people just in spats. But if their spats don't match mine then l tend to block a fair bit which doesn't help the social life. Trouble is though if l feel like space l just feel like space so that's the price l guess and people generally have terrible timing for my spacey spats.

My daughter has the same thing. lf she feels like alone time sometimes friends are hounding her stupid but she just blocks and won't have a bar of it until she's good and ready. lt's pretty funny to watch in a 13yr old .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I've pinpointed the reason of my ill-tempered attitude today. I do not want to spend the 4th of July at my sister's house in the big city. I do not want to spend the 4th of July with anyone but myself.
> 
> This is the first time since 1999 that I will not be with ex husband for a 4th of July celebration.
> Even though the person I fell in love with no longer exist and was replaced by a abominable individual (perhaps he always had a heinous character but I never saw it), I feel sadness that he totally fvcked out any chances for us to have a successful marriage. Yes, I am putting all the blame on him.
> 
> I actually want to spend the 4th alone, in a cool room, watching a marathon of "Orange is the new black," that is how I will celebrate MY independence. Doing what I want to do and not what others want of me.


Then thats EXACTLY what you need to do! :smthumbup: To hell with everyone else, lol!


----------



## ne9907

I have a question for you all

Have you ever done ecstasy and have sex.
What do you think about it? Would you do it?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I have a question for you all
> 
> Have you ever done ecstasy and have sex.
> What do you think about it? Would you do it?


NO!!! Don't... you will never feel the same about normal sex ever again...just don't
Seriously don't. Known lots and dated E heads, they are never the same...EVER! Just don't

Did I get my point across yet? DON'T Ne


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> NO!!! Don't... you will never feel the same about normal sex ever again...just don't
> Seriously don't. Known lots and dated E heads, they are never the same...EVER! Just don't
> 
> Did I get my point across yet? DON'T Ne


 you did. 

Are they never the same having sex? Does it give a huge high? 
Or do they become addicted to it?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> you did.
> 
> Are they never the same having sex? Does it give a huge high?
> Or do they become addicted to it?


They are never the same. 2 girlfriends who after they have taken E were never the same ever again. I don't know if they were addicted to E or the lifestyle I'm not to sure. Ones a porn star now and the other I don't know, I still love her and miss her and hate her at the same time.

Sex was not the same, seemed always selfish in a way. Always searching for THAT same dopamine high or something.
I have never done E, I have no idea about it other then what people have told me and what I have watched with people in my early 20's and how they are now 10-15 years later *if they are still alive*. Lots of experience with friends who started and then went down the wrong paths, some recovered and most did not. Lot's of suicides...LOTS!!!
Sure huge high from what I understand but so does heroin and meth.


----------



## moxy

E is a very bad idea.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> E is a very bad idea.


E is a very bad idea for you NE. You are what 36 if I remember correctly? Way to old to permanently change your chemical makeup. Especially if you want to make your life better. You will not be the same most likely in a bad way after this.

I can honestly say this judging from our online friendship that I am attracted to you which means you most likely fall into the same category of women I get involved with... dangerous exotic mysterious spontaneous unruly freespirit etc.
Do yourself a favor and keep your space from E


----------



## RandomDude

Someone is going to get RAMMMMMMMED tonight! 

...


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> E is a very bad idea.





Another Planet said:


> E is a very bad idea for you NE.
> Do yourself a favor and keep your space from E


I shall do that.
I brought it up because I have never done any drugs at all, not even weed. 
On Tuesday night, I went out with a girlfriend of mine and we got drunk, smoked a bit of pot. It made me really sick.... yeah throwing up ( I am a light weight)

On my drunken stupor, I texted blue eyes and told him we should do pot and have sex, he said no. But he said, he would consider some x. I have been researching the side effects and getting opinions from people who know more about recreational stuff than I do. 
I like to do research before I do anything.

I have been doing a lot of research on FWB, FB, casual sex, etc etc etc..... I absolutely love researching stuff!!!


----------



## moxy

ne, if just marijuana made you feel sick, you wanna stay the ever living hell away from ecstasy. Trying it just because blue eyes wants to is only going to put you in a bad position; from what you've said about him, he doesn't seem to be the sort to take care of you if you are having a bad experience. It will seriously mess you up.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> When one door closes another one opens.
> Yesterday after ending the relationship I was in, I put my dating profile back up. I already have a first date/ meet set up for sunday evening. Either I'm getting the hang of this online crap or the women are getting more desperate. :scratchhead::smthumbup:



That was quick Rat. But yep you do , you just seem to get the hang of it and suddenly things just start to turn.
l got the crapper kicked out of me in my first mth on a date site. But then , not sure why but they suddenly started coming to me .
l think you just start to chill out and so things start happening.


----------



## Another Planet

Happy 4th to everyone in the states!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have a question for you all
> 
> Have you ever done ecstasy and have sex.
> What do you think about it? Would you do it?


Ecstasy, really!?

..... Like you need an excuse to f*ck a bunch of strangers and die of dehydration dancing to Lady Gaga.


NE, listen to me. Ecstasy is not a drug you want to play around with. Let me just tell you, *you don't always get euphoric and touchy-feely or have that great sex you're planning on.* You can get very paranoid and end up hurting yourself while you're rolling hard on molly. Or do something really random and stupid and die of dehydration, both are common.


----------



## ne9907

Almost done with Season 1 of "Orange is the new black"

Happy 4th to you all!! 
I am enjoying my day in a cool house and watching my show~

No worries, no x for me 
Was just a very bad idea


----------



## unsure78

Hope everyone in the states had a good 4th.. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

NE, if you're looking for something "fun" to take before you get down and dirty then look no further than...... TEQUILA!

You get you about 4-6 shots in you about an hour before it goes down and you'll be running down the street naked and having butt sex in no time. Anything you thought you would never ever do in a million years.... Tequila has a way of fixing that. 

Try a little bit of any energy drink in your tequila for "I can do anything" high that won't wear off after the "I'm going to fight someone" climax, the "who the hell did I bring home?" denouement, or the "I hate my life" low right before the "never again" thoughts you have the morning after when you finally sober up. 

I think tequila should have a catchy little slogan to put here like they use on the medicine commercials. Something like..... Tequila® _"F*ck yeah!"_ And then have the mascot be a little cartoon angel being hog tied S&M style by a little cartoon devil representing how tequila affects the Id and the Superego. A little something you'd have to think about for a second to get.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Entertaining my low social needs and making bank.
Sooooo glad I am not the lonely type, I would go nuts.

Weather is cooperating nicely with my workathon.

I think just living vicariously is enough for me.
Ramming...
Ecstasy...
Picking up lovers at airports...
The world is full of enough energy without me adding to it this week.


----------



## whitehawk

Just wondering , what's making bank ?


----------



## whitehawk

Anyway , it's gonna be a strange but nice one for me.
l'm in my new house and with a free wkend.
l know no one, my daughters been here all wk so she's gone home for the wkend on this one , which it's usually vise verse. 
So l'm basically a free agent, in a new house , new town , for 3 or 4 days now. 

l could go and get myself into some trouble with a few of the new girls on my date site . l could just play music , watch the tennis and wind down from a hell of a few wks in the moving .
Or l could invite my bro over to check out the new place and get drunk.
Weather stuffed, skies about to fall in, good sex weather.The dogs a male though so that ones out :rofl:

Hmmm , decisions decisions !


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> Just wondering , what's making bank ?


making bank = making *money*


----------



## vi_bride04

Vodka, water, lemon, lime - miracle drink!


----------



## ne9907

The most interesting thing that has happened today is the main character of "Orange is the new black" and I share the same birthday haha!!

We also share the same middle name.... 
I have a white twinsie....


----------



## moxy

I'm doomed. I so have the hots for Guy. We had some fun and things were nice. He mentioned some stuff about his work travel that made me nervous. I wanted to spend more time with him, but, then, I had family drama, as usual. My life is so ridiculous that it's impossible for me to make anything work.


----------



## whitehawk

moxo , you are a classic. 

lf it's any consolation l've thought a 100 times l might be doomed to.


----------



## whitehawk

l decided to just stay home today , rest up , watch the tennis , check out my date site. Brothers coming over tomorrow and it's a high possibility l may be [email protected] by tomorrow night :rofl:


----------



## movealong

So, I am sitting here at my laptop looking at the ladies that "like" my profile and "viewed" me (sounds so voyeuristic!). Some of them look interesting. Now I am just deciding which one to respond to because whichever one I respond to will be my first. Yep, I am a dating site virgin. *gasp*

I am not afraid of coming across as a dork or over anxious, just trying to decide how to word things. Ugh!


----------



## movealong

Okay, I am no longer a dating site virgin! I sent my first message. I'd appreciate a critique:



> Your profile photo got my attention. It feels like you are saying "Okay, I am doing this! Are we going to have fun or what?"
> 
> I like the little cafe next to the *********. Great food! I am not a drinker, but I have been to the ******* a few times for some live music. It's a fun little place.
> 
> Have a great weekend!


Well, I got a response! 



> Haha, yeah that's my "game face." Kinda jumped in with both feet, the online dating thing is all new to me.
> 
> The *** right? We have brunch there on Sundays once a month.
> 
> You have a great weekend, too.


----------



## unsure78

movealong said:


> Okay, I am no longer a dating site virgin! I sent my first message. I'd appreciate a critique:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I got a response!


My only critique is to always ask a question about them...if not it makes emailing more difficult to respond too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Oh and just cause they viewed you doesnt make them interested, fyi... just checking you out... and often winks just mean you are cute, not always that they would want to date you...

Just trying to bring you up to speed help a fellow TAM er out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> So, I am sitting here at my laptop looking at the ladies that "like" my profile and "viewed" me (sounds so voyeuristic!). Some of them look interesting. Now I am just deciding which one to respond to because whichever one I respond to will be my first. Yep, I am a dating site virgin. *gasp*
> 
> I am not afraid of coming across as a dork or over anxious, just trying to decide how to word things. Ugh!


Just keep it cool!
Don't seem too needy or clingy. It is a fine balance you must achieve on your own, but glad you are having fun!!

I go to Vegas tomorrow.

The infatuation I had for Army guy has almost completely disappeared. I enjoy our conversations and am excited, nervous, and apprehensive to meet him in person.
I hope to accomplish one thing out of this experience, that we become good friends. We talked like we are great friends. Yes, the attraction is still there, very strong.
We have told things to each other, very few other people know.

I have never done anything this wild before!


----------



## movealong

unsure78 said:


> Oh and just cause they viewed you doesnt make them interested, fyi... just checking you out... and often winks just mean you are cute, not always that they would want to date you...
> 
> Just trying to bring you up to speed help a fellow TAM er out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahh, thank you. Hmm...I have a little work/research to do.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I'm doomed. I so have the hots for Guy. We had some fun and things were nice. He mentioned some stuff about his work travel that made me nervous. I wanted to spend more time with him, but, then, I had family drama, as usual. My life is so ridiculous that it's impossible for me to make anything work.


Family. Gotta love them. 

Just rape him the next time you have him. 

Syrian is taking a nap. I like to watch her sleep. We've been going a hundred miles an hour since she got here. Not getting a lot of sleep. It's good to have her here. I missed her more than I realized.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> I'm doomed. I so have the hots for Guy. We had some fun and things were nice. He mentioned some stuff about his work travel that made me nervous. I wanted to spend more time with him, but, then, I had family drama, as usual. My life is so ridiculous that it's impossible for me to make anything work.


You had fun with him and he moved on. Time to let him go and seek out fun times with another man. Your family drama has nothing to do with HIM seeing you. 

Moxy, have you tried being a little more distant after these flings? I'm not talking about playing "hard to get" or playing head games. Just stop trying to reach out and contact them when they aren't investing much interest in being with you.


I'll let you in on a little secret about men. We secretly look for any reason to not be with women after we've had sex.... And it's not because we got sex and the chase is over. 

It's usually because we're feeling unsure about her and when the woman starts getting increasingly clingy and weird, even if we liked her before, it seals every nail in the coffin. When she goes from a casual contact to always wanting to talk and spend time together it's just too much too sudden. 

I know for a fact guys do this with women too. I am ashamed, but I have acted like this with women I had sex with a few times and confused being horny and infatuated for being in love. 

It has a lot to do with boundaries and codependency. If you can pull it back and follow the 180 with even these hookup friends you won't feel like you're driving them off. However, if you start chasing a relationship that isn't there that when even the nicest guy will brush you off. 

I like to think about it like starting over. You had sex and that was great, but you're not boyfriend and girlfriend yet... There may not even be that much of a friendship there. You can start over from there, meet new people, and find someone who wants to be with you afterwards or who may be willing to wait on sex for a while. Either way, that one person's rejection frees you to meet a whole lot of new and interesting people.


----------



## Nsweet

movealong said:


> So, I am sitting here at my laptop looking at the ladies that "like" my profile and "viewed" me (sounds so voyeuristic!). Some of them look interesting. Now I am just deciding which one to respond to because whichever one I respond to will be my first. Yep, I am a dating site virgin. *gasp*
> 
> I am not afraid of coming across as a dork or over anxious, just trying to decide how to word things. Ugh!


It's actually very easy. 

Hey you, compliment, question about her, cheerful ending. 

Start with an unusual greeting. Keep it 4 sentences or less and make your question about her something that is not at all sexual and something no one else would ask her. Make a sincere compliment, and set yourself apart from the guys looking to just have sex by not seeming needy and ending your message politely. Try to avoid joking at this time because it may come across wrong and whatever you do don't send multiple messages. Also avoid god, racism, homophobia, sexism, generally anything you wouldn't talk about with a first date. 

So the goal of this message is just to get a response. That's all! After you get a response you can try sending off a second message with a little humor, but for now you just want a response. And try to be friendly and not at all needy. That seems to be the best combination. 

A good example would be. 
*"Hey [name],*

And then jump into your message like so. 

I liked _[exact thing you liked about her profile]_. _[Sincere question about her]_, followed by a reason why you asked. Maybe include a little humility in asking. 

*Best.*

*P.S.* Use a P.S. to write a little something extra. It won't go unappreciated. 

You can compliment her on pretty much anything by try to be different than the other guys by telling her exactly what it is about her profile that you liked or took notice of. And then when you ask about her, defuse the tension in the question by telling her why you asked.... Even if you have no reason other than you liked her smile you can put that and then something about how you hope that didn't sound creepy. Trust me, this more genuine than what 95% of women receive and the humility in not trying to sound like a ****y pick up artist will set you miles apart from the rest. 

When I write a message like this I also like to read it to myself and put myself in her shoes. Try to imagine what it's like having hundreds of guys hit on you online and not really give a sh!t about the personality profile you spent forever working one, just that one pic of you in the little dress. So when that one person actually asks you about something you were hoping a special someone would pick up on.... It must be like having that one cover letter that stands out enough to have a hiring manager read the rest of your resume and contact you.


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## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian is taking a nap. I like to watch her sleep. We've been going a hundred miles an hour since she got here. Not getting a lot of sleep. It's good to have her here. I missed her more than I realized.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So happy for you~

Why do you watch her sleep? 

I am asking because I've caught blue eyes doing the same thing, he also likes to touch my face... I am a light sleeper and sometimes his gaze must be so strong it sort of wakes me up.


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## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Oh and just cause they viewed you doesnt make them interested, fyi... just checking you out... and often winks just mean you are cute, not always that they would want to date you...
> 
> Just trying to bring you up to speed help a fellow TAM er out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thanks unsure , l always wonder about that stuff


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## movealong

ne9907 said:


> So happy for you~
> 
> Why do you watch her sleep?
> 
> I am asking because I've caught blue eyes doing the same thing, he also likes to touch my face... I am a light sleeper and sometimes his gaze must be so strong it sort of wakes me up.


For me, watching a woman sleep in my bed next to me is a moment of sheer pleasure and beauty. She is confident in me to protect her during slumber, and to be there for her in the morning. There is something almost angelic in watching a woman sleep in my presence. It exudes peace and contentment.

Also, it means she's not talking....ba-da-bump!


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## whitehawk

movealong said:


> Ahh, thank you. Hmm...I have a little work/research to do.



Nah not really , you did great and hey , she wrote back.
l found the minute l just relaxed and be myself , it took off . Before that l was getting a kicking 
Now you'll laugh at my next post.


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## whitehawk

On one hand l've sorta been taking a holiday from women but on the other , l do keep an eye out still.

Anyway, l've been a bit disheartened with my date site , there's just never anyone on it that's really striked me .
So sitting round yesterday l joined up in this free one just to look about.
Holy hell , now that was more like it even if they are 1/2 fakes they were still everywhere.
But it doesn't have a favoring button so you know , you have to find anyone you liked again later without that.
Well there was a lot in this thing , they were everywhere.
So unsure just talking about winks before, funny. l'm looking through this thing, pressing wink , wink , wink wink wink , wink, wink wink, :scratchhead: . l must've winked about 30 girls just in the first few pages, this place was a smorgasbord :smthumbup: 
Because a wink saves it for you then in your inbox , next best thing to a favorite button.

Think l'm gonna get myself into another mess here because l haven't been back in yet but l just checked my phone email and there's about 50 emails and notices already.
Got no idea what they all are , l'll check em out more later.
Ha , probably a few 100 girls telling me to fk off :rofl:


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## vi_bride04

Vodka, water, lemon, lime !!! Lol


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## moxy

My post may not have conveyed what I was trying to l, as well as I'd hoped. I was being playful in saying I felt doomed; I meant that while I'm trying to avoid feelings of "I like him", they're just growing stronger. 

Guy and I got together again recently and things are going well. I didn't even have to initiate things, but...I now feel more comfortable texting him when I'm thinking of him; he says he likes it. We talked about life and he's been open about things and, in general, I feel closer to him. We talked about our jobs and people in our lives, places it would be nice to go and...it seems like he wants to do things with me, like go to some of those places (locally) or just out in public in addition to hooking up. 

Thus far, I've been trying to avoid getting attached, by doing things like dismissing opportunities or gestures that are not sexual, by not staying the night, by not being emotionally open, myself. Lately, though, because he has been consistent in his attention, I've been getting attached. We have both been giving mixed signals, but, his actions are leading me to let my guard down a little. This scares me. I am afraid of letting things develop (if, at all, that's what's happening; I don't want to presume, because gf-bf has not yet been spoken, though it's clear that things between us are shifting just a little) because my life is still very much a mess. I'm afraid that I'll bore him or something, though I am more sexually adventurous than he is and I'm guessing that if he thinks I'm like a porn star in the sack and tells me he misses my body, that he's not bored yet; issues from my marriage abound, here. Also, his life is dangerous and I worry about caring for someone who is doing stuff that's life-threatening, just because I'm afraid...on the other hand, he seems fearless and calm and that stability is so different from the volatile nature of my life that I'm drawn to it. 

He wanted to spend an evening with me, not just a couple of hours of fun in bed; my family was being codependent and melodramatic yesterday, which meant that I couldn't go see him until very late. I have been trying not to leave in the middle of the night, but drama at home necessitated my return there while he was still asleep and it was very early. Now, when I leave like this, it feels cheap because we've moved past it. I explained my reason, sort of, but I think maybe it hurt his feelings or something. He has not rejected me or anything like that. However, I'm sure that this was annoying. I'm not being clingy; I text him maybe once or twice a week, and I never ask for more than he offers. On the other hand, literally, I am all over him when we're together, which he seems to appreciate. I think. 

Any kind of relationship, no matter how casual or deep comes with stress; I'm not a totally detached sociopath. I'm just frustrated that there's an added level of stress that comes from my family. When I'm not in town, I live my own life, but when I'm here...having a life of my own always creates problems because I'm not taking care of everyone else here; they find ways to shut down my friendships, my relationships, and my activities by making things complicated for me. I'd be here less often, except that they actually do need my help sometimes. The lack of boundaries between me and my family is a problem; I'm afraid it will influence any relationship or lack thereof in my life. 

So, Guy hasn't rejected me, but I'm afraid that my behavior is coming across as douchey. And that upsets me because I really like him. And, because I'm trying not to be a jerk. I'm actually okay with this being a temporary thing, if that's all it is, but he seems to be enjoying it and so do I. What worries me is that I see myself reacting to issues and triggers left over from my failed marriage and...making conscious choices in dating that reflect awareness of those issues isn't as easy as it sounds.


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## moxy

Movealong, whatever you do, don't compliment her boobs or proposition her for sex in your first message -- unless she seems to be into that. You'd be surprised how often that happens. It's usually gross.


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## movealong

moxy said:


> Movealong, whatever you do, don't compliment her boobs or proposition her for sex in your first message -- unless she seems to be into that. You'd be surprised how often that happens. It's usually gross.


Heh!! No, I wouldn't do that! :smthumbup:


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## COGypsy

vi_bride04 said:


> Vodka, water, lemon, lime !!! Lol



The juice of the lemon and line like in a kamikaze or are you talking about soda?

Either way, vodka is your friend!


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## vi_bride04

1/2 cup whatever vodka of choice
1/4 squeezed lemon 
1/4 squeezed lime 
Fill the rest with water 
I leave the lemon/lime in the cup. It's delicious and no hangover in the morning!


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## moxy

Vi, that sounds great.


----------



## Ikaika

Today was one of those kind of days you both hate and get excited about because you go car shopping. Our 2004 Toyota Matrix has been on its last legs for months. We knew we needed to replace it and had been researching new cars for a while. 

So today we did the shopping we needed to do and picked up a 2014 Nissan Rogue. The part everyone hates is the haggling over price. I am always willing to walk away from a the first price they give me. So they wanted me to pay a price I was not willing to pay and was going to walk away telling them I need to a day to think on that price. I even told them if I call tomorrow and it is sold, I will not cry crocodile tears. They asked me what I would pay, I gave them a price $1,600 less than their offer. They hummed they hawed and finally gave it to me for my price. 

I like the car. It supposed to get 28mpg and for us that is huge with gas at $4.39/Gal here. Most reviewers online said it really only averages 26mpg, but for me with the size that we needed, I can live with it. Also no biggie since our other car is an all electric vehicle.


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## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Movealong, whatever you do, don't compliment her boobs or proposition her for sex in your first message -- unless she seems to be into that. You'd be surprised how often that happens. It's usually gross.


It's better to drop the idea of sex completely and work on your social skills and humor. You'll stand a better chance of getting that second date if you spark her interest and keep your conversations on light fun topics.


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## whitehawk

moxy said:


> My post may not have conveyed what I was trying to l, as well as I'd hoped. I was being playful in saying I felt doomed; I meant that while I'm trying to avoid feelings of "I like him", they're just growing stronger.
> 
> Guy hasn't rejected me, but I'm afraid that my behavior is coming across as douchey. And that upsets me because I really like him. And, because I'm trying not to be a jerk. I'm actually okay with this being a temporary thing, if that's all it is, but he seems to be enjoying it and so do I. What worries me is that I see myself reacting to issues and triggers left over from my failed marriage and...making conscious choices in dating that reflect awareness of those issues isn't as easy as it sounds.



No worries , l knew that's how you meant it , me to don't worry. Although l probably am doomed :rofl:
And hey , in humor again but forget dork ok. Personally l always think it's really cool fumbling around and it looks so damn cute if she is too . Don't worry it at all it just shows him he's important to you , all good :smthumbup:
To me really, if she's too cool then l'm just not pushing her buttons


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## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> It's better to drop the idea of sex completely and work on your social skills and humor. You'll stand a better chance of getting that second date if you spark her interest and keep your conversations on light fun topics.


Yep gotta go with this for sure.
Hell tbh l know now for fact with mine anyway. As soon as l just forgot all the crap and just lightened up , the girls loved it.
l'm always asking them even how to work this or do that on the stupid thing, they love it. As soon as they feel l'm only human to and it's all just as new and just as scary to me to, everyone just chills out.


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## whitehawk

COGypsy said:


> The juice of the lemon and line like in a kamikaze or are you talking about soda?
> 
> Either way, vodka is your friend!



l've seen the only drawback with vodka is it can make some guys pretty towy even violent and looking for fights. So just watch it if you have a temper.


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## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> So happy for you~
> 
> Why do you watch her sleep?


Do you think it's creepy?

I dunno. I just do.


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## whitehawk

Artists have done heaps of paintings of women sleeping over the centuries. l use to myself when l was painting , they just look so cool - unless they're dribbling :rofl:


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> You had fun with him and he moved on. Time to let him go and seek out fun times with another man. Your family drama has nothing to do with HIM seeing you.


To my knowledge, there's been no moving on. My family drama is causing me to behave in douchey ways because I don't know how to deal with it better. He wanted to see me and indicated wanting to see me further and in public and talked to me about life stuff that may happen months from now. I'm just afraid I've been an insensitive dummy. 



Nsweet said:


> Moxy, have you tried being a little more distant after these flings? Just stop trying to reach out and contact them when they aren't investing much interest in being with you.


I am not chasing random dudes who don't want me. I've only been with one person since exh, that's the FWB on whom I have a crush. Yes, I flirt with other guys on an online dating site, but so far, they've only been interested in sex and there haven't even been any first dates; I do get upset when dudes act like they wanna know me but just wanna screw instead.



Nsweet said:


> It's usually because we're feeling unsure about her and when the woman starts getting increasingly clingy and weird, even if we liked her before, it seals every nail in the coffin. When she goes from a casual contact to always wanting to talk and spend time together it's just too much too sudden.


I hope I'm not being too weird or clingy. I don't really think that two texts in a week just to say hi and how are you is really clingy. I don't ask Guy out, but wait for him to do the asking. I do fret about whether or not I'll be getting any, in a given week, though.



Nsweet said:


> It has a lot to do with boundaries and codependency. If you can pull it back and follow the 180 with even these hookup friends you won't feel like you're driving them off. However, if you start chasing a relationship that isn't there that when even the nicest guy will brush you off.


I don't have multiple hook-up friends, just one. I don't think I'm driving him off, but I'm realizing that I care more than I did before. It's freaky. Does hoping that a relationship can continue and develop necessarily mean I'm chasing one? I hope not. I think that I wasn't open to the idea of something more than FWB before, but I'm surprised to discover that I am. That's less to do with any potential date, more to do with me. I have codependent tendencies, esp in my family, but I don't see them in this situation; how am I being codep?



Nsweet said:


> Either way, that one person's rejection frees you to meet a whole lot of new and interesting people.


I agree with this statement. I'm pretty sure that Guy will break my heart someday. Then, I'll meet someone else. However, until anything significant changes upon his initiation of things, I'm free to flirt with other dudes all day long.  at least, I think I am...


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Do you think it's creepy?
> 
> 
> 
> I dunno. I just do.



I think that watching someone sleep can definitely be creepy. Especially if you are a sparkly vampire who wants to drain the blood of the person you're watching to the point of death. Of course, life is not really like tween fiction, but I suppose some people might be feel weird about being so vulnerable in front of another.

I might feel awkward about being watched in my sleep, unless the person did do with an affectionate gaze. Guy doesn't watch me sleep, that I know of, neither do I watch him; I sometimes wake up startled in his bed and, upon realizing where I am, will sometimes kiss whatever part of him happens to be near my face, like his shoulder or arm, or snuggle closer. 

Sometimes, it's nice to just...appreciate the presence of a lover by looking. Admiring a person while he or she sleeps isn't uncommon. In fact, it's not unlike looking at a person across a room or during a film. Appreciative observation. It's different from keeping vigil over a partner who is ill, watching him/her sleep to ensure that he/she doesn't need a doctor; I've done that often. It's also different from watching as connected to stalking, with seeking an opportunity to act in mind; that is a predatory kind if watching. The gaze can contain many things.


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## ne9907

Ugh
Today I meet army guy. 
Today I feel bloated and ugly.
I need a pill that will make me beautiful.
Universe, make it happen!!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Ugh
> Today I meet army guy.
> Today I feel bloated and ugly.
> I need a pill that will make me beautiful.
> Universe, make it happen!!



You're not ugly. Just take an extra luxurious shower and drink some green tea. Take your time choosing clothes and jewelry and getting dressed up. Wear something you feel comfortable in. Spending that time focusing on yourself will dispel that self-consciousness, I think -- it works for me, at any rate. Remember that nothing is really at stake. You will meet and put a name to a face; it doesn't have to be a date, just a meeting.

If you have 25 minutes to spare and Netflix, watch "The Book and The Rose". It's about a guy who is meeting someone with whom he's been corresponding for the first time. I saw it last week and liked it. The guy is in the army; the woman he's meeting is an unknown variable until the end of the short film, as we see it through his perspective entirely.

You're going to have fun! It's an adventure.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> So, I am sitting here at my laptop looking at the ladies that "like" my profile and "viewed" me (sounds so voyeuristic!). Some of them look interesting. Now I am just deciding which one to respond to because whichever one I respond to will be my first. Yep, I am a dating site virgin. *gasp*
> 
> I am not afraid of coming across as a dork or over anxious, just trying to decide how to word things. Ugh!


ANY of them that look interesting or attractive pick something out of their profile and bring it up to them.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Ugh
> Today I meet army guy.
> Today I feel bloated and ugly.
> I need a pill that will make me beautiful.
> Universe, make it happen!!


Pamprin worked for me, only had to use it once but it seemed like a wonder drug at the time.


----------



## movealong

Had a great weekend with DD#3. Friday was spent at the Independence Day festival for the afternoon, then at the pool in the evening, followed by smoke bombs and sparkler's in the back yard. 

Saturday was spent hanging out at the house, then I attended a new (for me) church Saturday evening at the invitation of some friends.

Sunday morning was spent at the church my DD#3 attends with her BFF and her parents followed by an afternoon at the water park, then home to get things ready for the week.

This is the first time in I don't know how long I have been to church, and then to go to 2 churches in two days...oof! I really enjoyed both, but I am still reluctant to attend regularly. I have my faith and spirituality, and I have abhorred organized religion since I was a child. But, I do want to find a church where I am comfortable and be able to meet people.

I sent a message to a lady on Match yesterday, but I must have worded it wrong, lol! No response yet. I sent another this morning and I am hoping I did better. We'll see.

Have a great week everyone!


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## whitehawk

What's with all the CRAP , women write on their dating profiles ?
loving life - so that's why l've been on this site for 5yrs !
l cease every moment of life - yeah right! 
l want to grab life with both hands - oh right , so your a 45yr old divorcee and you've decided at this ripe old age you think a page on a date site is gonna change it all and from this point on your gonna live like you shoulda fkg done 20-30yrs ago .
l love my kids - darrrr !
looking for that spark - ummm , aren't we all !
New start - umm , at 45 - what happened to the old one ? do you really think your gonna get it here , today ?
l love my family and friends - so fkg what, who doesn't !
l want a man that's curious , sensitive but strong, attractive but not up himself , he must be able to stand his ground, he must make me laugh, he will be this he will be that and on for another 10 lines and oh yeah , l look like [email protected] and l'm 40pounds over weight but hey- oh right , so you've filled out your form now all ya gotta do is check your mail in the morning and bingo - there he is, to the letter , no problemo !
l'm looking for that love of my life - good luck with that , aren't we all !
l ove my life but humm , lately l just feel like there's something missing - really , never would've guessed .

My God they go on and on , poems , you name it .
Why don't they just put up a damn pic , tell a bit about themselves and spare us the fkg bs for God sake like the rest of us.
None of that bs is gonna mean jack to anyone , as a matter of fact , as soon as l see even one word of any of it l'm outa there .
Ahh , except for the " l love my kids , friends and family and l love to laugh "
lf you can't handle that one you better hit the streets and clubs instead because there isn't a female profile that doesn't say that one so suck it up .

Ahhh , that's better


----------



## unsure78

movealong said:


> Had a great weekend with DD#3. Friday was spent at the Independence Day festival for the afternoon, then at the pool in the evening, followed by smoke bombs and sparkler's in the back yard.
> 
> Saturday was spent hanging out at the house, then I attended a new (for me) church Saturday evening at the invitation of some friends.
> 
> Sunday morning was spent at the church my DD#3 attends with her BFF and her parents followed by an afternoon at the water park, then home to get things ready for the week.
> 
> This is the first time in I don't know how long I have been to church, and then to go to 2 churches in two days...oof! I really enjoyed both, but I am still reluctant to attend regularly. I have my faith and spirituality, and I have abhorred organized religion since I was a child. But, I do want to find a church where I am comfortable and be able to meet people.
> 
> I sent a message to a lady on Match yesterday, but I must have worded it wrong, lol! No response yet. I sent another this morning and I am hoping I did better. We'll see.
> 
> Have a great week everyone!


Dont take it personal if they dont write you back, you never know why...also usually standard time for returning an email is often 24 hrs..

Glad you had a good weekend with you DD 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Online dating is just a game that some of us choose to play. It can be quite a roller coaster ride. Just don't ever let yourself get too high or too low. This game will kick your a$$ and emotionally destroy you if you let it.

Make sure your self esteem is good, otherwise online dating will be waaaaaaaay more harmful than helpful.


----------



## movealong

muskrat said:


> Make sure your self esteem is good, otherwise online dating will be waaaaaaaay more harmful than helpful.


I hear you! I actually put up a profile at first just to see what would happen. My self-esteem and confidence were okay, but I was not "feeling it" after 13 years with my wife and going through the divorce. I got a lot of likes and winks/flirts from some very, to me, attractive women. Talk about a confidence boost! 

So, honestly, I don't really care one way or the other whether I meet someone on a dating site or not, but I am having fun looking and messaging...even when they don't respond.


----------



## whitehawk

l swear it's as if they're in lala land. 
l mean in the real world are single women really this naive these days .
As a married guy and probably knowing or meeting 100s of real life women, girl friends before, friends of ex's and sisters , all struggling away in real life like most of us in one way or another or all ways more often than not, even the wealthier ones. 
90% of them very average looking or worse ,and hubbys or partners . But no one we've ever known would describe real life in this sorta of bs.
lf they're lucky they might get a few wks of a yr and a few bucks spare now and then to get away with hubby and the kids every 2nd or 3rd yr , and you'd wonder if they even have any sex , at all, the rest , is just life , kids, work , bills , school , stuff. Or the single ones go years without a bf or now and then wonder off on some holiday alone, the rest is just work , struggling with bills and debt, money and maybe a bit of socializing if they're lucky and a hobby or two .

l mean look around you , that's basically the real world. Where to they get this bs from ?


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Online dating is just a game that some of us choose to play. It can be quite a roller coaster ride. Just don't ever let yourself get too high or too low. This game will kick your a$$ and emotionally destroy you if you let it.
> 
> Make sure your self esteem is good, otherwise online dating will be waaaaaaaay more harmful than helpful.



Yep so true. l mean l walk away now and then and have a gripe like above there but really , even that stuff we should just take with a grain of salt and l do , but l'm also none stop ggb smacked that's all , ya just can't help but wonder you know .


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I hear you! I actually put up a profile at first just to see what would happen. My self-esteem and confidence were okay, but I was not "feeling it" after 13 years with my wife and going through the divorce. I got a lot of likes and winks/flirts from some very, to me, attractive women. Talk about a confidence boost!
> 
> So, honestly, I don't really care one way or the other whether I meet someone on a dating site or not, but I am having fun looking and messaging...even when they don't respond.



Yeah that's the way . And it is a confidence boost even if nothing comes of it.
l was really worried when l first became single but l do feel much better about it all now with interest from my date site so it's really helped all that.
lt's more though a bit disheartening because l think we're gonna be pretty lucky to actually meet anything much lasting that's all , real.

Although , l must admit , l have come across one or two that are really what l'd go for but they checked out of the place mths ago and so they won't even log in to see your message or - oh no , they just don't get back to you , or even worse , they send a polite not interested


----------



## unsure78

Whitehawk you seem awfully grumpy today... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

NE what happened with army guy??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Dont take it personal if they dont write you back, you never know why...also usually standard time for returning an email is often 24 hrs..
> 
> Glad you had a good weekend with you DD
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This is so true. You really can't take a no reply or even a knock back to heart.
A lot of people have simply stopped even logging in , or they already talking to someone or they simply just don't see the message. l often find some wks old l missed
On my site it's quite common to get a reply, a wk or two even 3 or 4wks later. Some don't go on that often .
On some sites you can see whether they've logged on at all or not , when .


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Whitehawk you seem awfully grumpy today...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




l know , spose it's not a good look is it


----------



## Nsweet

Moxy, it's definitely codependency. It's the need to please both your parents and this new guy that is tearing you apart.


----------



## whitehawk

You forgot her other need , the biggest trouble maker of all for our moxo :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> I hear you! I actually put up a profile at first just to see what would happen. My self-esteem and confidence were okay, but I was not "feeling it" after 13 years with my wife and going through the divorce. I got a lot of likes and winks/flirts from some very, to me, attractive women. Talk about a confidence boost!
> 
> So, honestly, I don't really care one way or the other whether I meet someone on a dating site or not, but I am having fun looking and messaging...even when they don't respond.


Same with me. Put one up as a way to kind of move onin some ways. Got a few nods from some attra tive women and that made me feel pretty nice. Not dating from it currently though. 

I'm reading your experience with it here because I've not dated on the internet either. Ironically, I met my ex through an internet site...a metal band while we were in college on their forums . She liked my posts about gun control and other political things and we started talking online, then on the phone, then I visited, etc. But neither of us used dating sites (not even sure there were dating sites back in 2000). So I am not familiar with dating sites or meeting somebody, or protocols and such. 

I'd prefer to meet people in real life as I'm doing my normal routines and such...but I'm open.


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> You forgot her other need , the biggest trouble maker of all for our moxo :rofl:


Who doesn't need to scratch that itch?


----------



## movealong

Arendt said:


> Same with me. Put one up as a way to kind of move onin some ways. Got a few nods from some attra tive women and that made me feel pretty nice. Not dating from it currently though.
> 
> I'm reading your experience with it here because I've not dated on the internet either._* Ironically, I met my first wife through an internet site*_...a metal band while we were in college on their forums . She liked my posts about gun control and other political things and we started talking online, then on the phone, then I visited, etc. But neither of us used dating sites (not even sure there were dating sites back in 2000). So I am not accustomed to that sort of thing.


I did too, lol! We met through our common interests on an author's website. Chatted back and forth, phone, then meeting irl. I was smitten from the day I met her. Unfortunately for me, I was a way out for her, I guess not really a rebound marriage, but the grass is greener type thing. Hmmm....same thing she is doing now! LMAO! :rofl:

She will continue to make the same mistakes over and over because there is never any self-reflection or self knowledge. I, otoh, am moving on knowing my mistakes and taking action to correct them. The only ones I feel bad for are the kids. Eventually she will learn, or just keep making the same mistake. 

My problem with the dating site so far is patience, lol. I don't like waiting for a response, just give me an indication of yes or no.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Same with me. Put one up as a way to kind of move onin some ways. Got a few nods from some attra tive women and that made me feel pretty nice. Not dating from it currently though.
> 
> I'm reading your experience with it here because I've not dated on the internet either. Ironically, I met my ex through an internet site...a metal band while we were in college on their forums . She liked my posts about gun control and other political things and we started talking online, then on the phone, then I visited, etc. But neither of us used dating sites (not even sure there were dating sites back in 2000). So I am not familiar with dating sites or meeting somebody, or protocols and such.
> 
> I'd prefer to meet people in real life as I'm doing my normal routines and such...but I'm open.



l'd much prefer just real life to . Trouble is l just don't have much going on since all this . Trying but it's taking time.

Yep they did have them back then , of sorts , and far back again.
Would you believe l met my ex in the newspaper singles version 19yrs ago . We couldn't believe it but there ya go .


----------



## Arendt

Movealong: 

I have to say, I am sooo happy that I do not have kids. Divorce would have been much harder. I feel for you men who have to keep up contact with your exes because of kids. I am sure the kids are wonderful and all that, but I personally feel like the world is at my feet and I am not tied to anything at the moment. 

With dating, I am a little reluctant to date somebody with kids to be honest. When I was in the city I am moving to in a few weeks, signing my lease, I locked my keys in my car. When I came out a friend brought me a clothes hanger to unlock it. This probably 30 year old, attractive woman had parked behind me. She's my type. I could see immediately what her political and life style was like. SHe's an anarchist, and she was vegan (she had on patches about animal abuse). She comes up and offers help breaking into the car because she had done it to hers several times.

I didn't try to get her number or anything. She had a little boy. But I could tell immediately that we'd probably find each other interesting. The kid thing...I just didn't ask (and she may have said no anyhow, though she works like a block from where I a to live so I'll likely see her periodically in the neighborhood).


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Would you believe l met my ex in the newspaper singles version 19yrs ago . We couldn't believe it but there ya go .


For some reason I find that hilarious.


----------



## movealong

If she is anything like me, I am not looking for someone to play the role of "Momma", and she is probably not looking for a guy to be a "Daddy" for her kid. As long as a woman, with or without kids, respects me and my daughter, we'll get along. When that becomes a problem, it is show her the door time.

I wish some of the single women in my neighborhood were into being FB or FWB, that would solve my problems, lol!


----------



## movealong

Arendt said:


> Movealong:
> 
> I have to say, I am sooo happy that I do not have kids. Divorce would have been much harder. I feel for you men who have to keep up contact with your exes because of kids. I am sure the kids are wonderful and all that, but I personally feel like the world is at my feet and I am not tied to anything at the moment.
> 
> With dating, I am a little reluctant to date somebody with kids to be honest. When I was in the city I am moving to in a few weeks, signing my lease, I locked my keys in my car. When I came out a friend brought me a clothes hanger to unlock it. This probably 30 year old, attractive woman had parked behind me. She's my type. I could see immediately what her political and life style was like. SHe's an anarchist, and she was vegan (she had on patches about animal abuse). She comes up and offers help breaking into the car because she had done it to hers several times.
> 
> I didn't try to get her number or anything. She had a little boy. But I could tell immediately that we'd probably find each other interesting. The kid thing...I just didn't ask (and she may have said no anyhow, though she works like a block from where I a to live so I'll likely see her periodically in the neighborhood).


Does she like Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain? Is she not into yoga? Did she have half a brain.......

Ahahahah! Ear worm for the day!


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> For some reason I find that hilarious.



Yeah it was really. There was this club that use to advertise in the local paper.
Once you joined they would send you out 5 or 10 matches a wk and you all just rang each other up if you or they were interested.
One wk my ex was in one and l was done for


----------



## COGypsy

Arendt said:


> Movealong:
> 
> I have to say, I am sooo happy that I do not have kids. Divorce would have been much harder. I feel for you men who have to keep up contact with your exes because of kids. I am sure the kids are wonderful and all that, but I personally feel like the world is at my feet and I am not tied to anything at the moment.
> 
> With dating, I am a little reluctant to date somebody with kids to be honest. When I was in the city I am moving to in a few weeks, signing my lease, I locked my keys in my car. When I came out a friend brought me a clothes hanger to unlock it. This probably 30 year old, attractive woman had parked behind me. She's my type. I could see immediately what her political and life style was like. SHe's an anarchist, and she was vegan (she had on patches about animal abuse). She comes up and offers help breaking into the car because she had done it to hers several times.
> 
> I didn't try to get her number or anything. She had a little boy. But I could tell immediately that we'd probably find each other interesting. The kid thing...I just didn't ask (and she may have said no anyhow, though she works like a block from where I a to live so I'll likely see her periodically in the neighborhood).


Kids are frankly my biggest dealbreaker for dating. I just can't see anything I would have in common with someone who's into that whole lifestyle. Overall, I don't find it to be much of a problem to find people to socialize with. The one exception would be the guy I've been seeing the last year or so. He has a kid, but the kid just graduated from college two states away, so I'd call that more of a technical foul than an outright dealbreaker. 

Seriously though, there are gazillions of criteria that people can use to include and exclude potential partners. Kids/no kids are probably a pretty common factor in any relationship decision.


----------



## Arendt

So Whitehawk, movealong and I all met our exwives through a nontraditional means: through a kind of blind correspondence first?

I think that made a difference for me. My ex was a good looking woman, but we fell for each other before we really knew what each other looked like. I probably in the end would not have pursued further if I saw her photo and she had not been attractive in my eyes, but we connected first in another way. I liked that. I still do.

I have given no thought at all to what people might want from me if they do have kids. I am good with kids. But they go home, or back to mommy and daddy pretty soon or whatever. If I see that particular woman around I'll talk with her with no motives. I guess I am sort of open, but I'd have a steep learning curve there probably when it comes to children. I'm not a daddy or a father. 

I'll be volunteering at a local co-op so I can network with like-minded people, and to be honest, I think it is also a place to meet women. I don't plan on asking every woman I see out or anything, but meeting people, getting to know people while we work or whatever...maybe something would spark...I'm going to be doing things like that when I move.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> NE what happened with army guy??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Had a blast yesterday/last night!

I honestly dont know why I was nervous. Went to sleep five hours ago, but now I want coffee so I am up.
I won 205 dl, yay!!


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Had a blast yesterday/last night!
> 
> I honestly dont know why I was nervous. Went to sleep five hours ago, but now I want coffee so I am up.
> I won 205 dl, yay!!


And???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Hands down or up or to the side or whatever way...best sex of my entire life last night!
Half way through the day now and I can not concentrate...mind is blown!
Sorry guys not bragging I just had to share.

I am pretty sure now that you need to find your sexual match to have sex like this. Of course we have both had good sex before with other people but never has it or could it be like this with out each other. It just keeps getting better and better.
My entire marriage and sex = a bunch of crap

I wish everyone to be able to have this kind of sex


----------



## Jellybeans

Woo hoo, AP!


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> And???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We are still having a good time.
Whenever I perceive a man is better looking than ne (does that maje sense?) I retrieve into my shell and am not myself.
But with army guy, he is hot, but I am totally way hotter.
He is funny, nice, considerate, we are definitely having fun.
Not yet having the ahmazing sex Another planet just described, but fun anyway.

I am up to 275 dls!!
I am addicted to craps


----------



## RandomDude

Sex is just sex for me, a release, nothing more. Feels good but that's about it with my FWB. In fact I'm mostly happy about just having someone to cuddle when I sleep

For me the best sex still remained with my ex, and quite frankly I wouldn't still mind ramming her as long as there wont be any strings attached (though there WILL be)


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> For me the best sex still remained with my ex, and quite frankly I wouldn't still mind ramming her as long as there wont be any strings attached *(though there WILL be)*


:rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> *Sex is just sex for me, a release, nothing more. Feels good but that's about it with my FWB*. In fact I'm mostly happy about just having someone to cuddle when I sleep
> 
> For me the best sex still remained with my ex, and quite frankly I wouldn't still mind ramming her as long as there wont be any strings attached (though there WILL be)


Doesn't that get boring though man? Like the only reason why I think the sex I am having is so good and getting better is because we are attaching more and more...more and more we are letting go of things and getting comfortable and connecting.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> We are still having a good time.
> Whenever I perceive a man is better looking than ne (does that maje sense?) I retrieve into my shell and am not myself.
> But with army guy, he is hot, but I am totally way hotter.
> He is funny, nice, considerate, we are definitely having fun.
> Not yet having the ahmazing sex Another planet just described, but fun anyway.
> 
> *I am up to 275 dls!!
> I am addicted to craps[*/QUOTE]
> 
> What weight do you workout with? Reps?
> PS have I ever said I love DL's? Favorite lift for sure!
> 
> I love craps


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> We are still having a good time.
> Whenever I perceive a man is better looking than ne (does that maje sense?) I retrieve into my shell and am not myself.
> But with army guy, he is hot, but I am totally way hotter.
> He is funny, nice, considerate, we are definitely having fun.
> Not yet having the ahmazing sex Another planet just described, but fun anyway.
> 
> *I am up to 275 dls!!
> I am addicted to craps[*/QUOTE]
> 
> What weight do you workout with? Reps?
> PS have I ever said I love DL's? Favorite lift for sure!
> 
> I love craps
> 
> 
> 
> Lol AP, you are such a work out holic!
> I meant 275 dollars... but lost 40 dollars
> Nap time!
Click to expand...


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Another Planet said:
> 
> 
> 
> Lol AP, you are such a work out holic!
> I meant 275 dollars... but lost 40 dollars
> Nap time!
> 
> 
> 
> OMG thats funny! Didn't even occur to me lol
Click to expand...


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Moxy, it's definitely codependency. It's the need to please both your parents and this new guy that is tearing you apart.



My family is definitely codependent and very dysfunctional. I have an incredibly hard time keeping my life separate from the collective family life. It worsened substantially after my exh and I split up; things between me and them are often deeply troubled, with me feeling powerless.

However, I don't think I'm in any kind of codependent arrangement with Guy. Do I feel the need to please him? Of course: that's what you do when you're hooking up with someone! I don't feel the need to change myself in any other ways for him. We usually meet when it's convenient and I am not afraid of saying no to him about things. 
---


Today, I'm bummed out. I didn't wan't to leave when I did and our evening was cut short because my family made a bunch of drama and I had to go handle it. I feel like a jerk because I wanted to stay with Guy, but couldn't. However, I explained to him that there was a situation. Also, our plans had been spontaneous. And, so I hope he understands, but I am a little worried that I've offended him; if I were him, I would have been a little offended by my actions, but I probably would've understood that outside factors were involved. Maybe he won't want to talk to me or get together again. I hope not, though. I haven't heard from him since, then. It matters because I really like him and I don't want to screw things up by being a jerk. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but I will be sad if that's the case.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Movealong:
> 
> *I have to say, I am sooo happy that I do not have kids. Divorce would have been much harder. I feel for you men who have to keep up contact with your exes because of kids. I am sure the kids are wonderful and all that, but I personally feel like the world is at my feet and I am not tied to anything at the moment. *
> 
> With dating, I am a little reluctant to date somebody with kids to be honest. When I was in the city I am moving to in a few weeks, signing my lease, I locked my keys in my car. When I came out a friend brought me a clothes hanger to unlock it. This probably 30 year old, attractive woman had parked behind me. She's my type. I could see immediately what her political and life style was like. SHe's an anarchist, and she was vegan (she had on patches about animal abuse). She comes up and offers help breaking into the car because she had done it to hers several times.
> 
> I didn't try to get her number or anything. She had a little boy. But I could tell immediately that we'd probably find each other interesting. The kid thing...I just didn't ask (and she may have said no anyhow, though she works like a block from where I a to live so I'll likely see her periodically in the neighborhood).


I feel the same way. We had two cats, which we only adopted because my XH _so badly_ wanted to get a cat, because he had them growing up and he really, really, really wanted a cat. So when my boss needed to find a new home for his two cats, we agreed to take them.

But guess who ended up doing all the work? That's right, ME. XH refused to clean the litterbox because it was "gross." (How backwards is that? "I think this is disgusting, so I'm going to behave like a child and refuse to do this so that the person I supposedly love the most is stuck suffering through it.")

But I digress... he moved out and left behind both cats. Phoebe, the cat who really became "my" cat and whom I came to adore, fell ill and passed away this past spring. And now I'm stuck with the other cat (Romie), and I'm really starting to resent that I got stuck with this animal. He's become incredibly needy since Phoebe passed away, and I feel like I simply don't have the emotional energy to deal with someone else's needs and work through my own sh*t. 

And that's just a CAT. It's not even a little human. I can't even imagine trying to deal with my own sh*t while also having to care for a little human. So my hat goes off (and my heart goes out) to all of you who have had to go through this while taking care of your little human progeny as well.

So... and I feel awful saying this, but it is what it is... I am looking forward to whenever this cat passes away. I'm not saying I WANT him to die, I just don't want to have to take care of him any more.

EDIT: So I probably shouldn't date a man who has kids. Of course, a responsible man will take care of his kids, and not expect me to do it for him, so maybe it would be different. Even so, I still probably shouldn't date a man who has kids, or who wants them.


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> I ditched the cable the day my XH moved out. For a year, I just had Amazon Prime (since I was already paying for it), and about six months ago I finally bit the bullet and signed up for Hulu Plus.
> 
> Boy, it's bad news!!! Now I have something to watch at my fingertips ALL THE TIME. So. Easy. To. Binge-watch.
> 
> I'm almost done with watching The Sopranos, and I just started on True Blood.
> 
> I am in so. much. trouble.


So, I realized that only seasons 1-3 of True Blood are available for free on Amazon. Seasons 4-6 are not free. Figures that I got hooked and made it halfway through season 3 before figuring it out.



Now I'm sucked in and will probably end up paying to watch seasons 4-6.

Unless someone wants to lend me their HBO GO password.... :smthumbup:

But ALL of The Sopranos is free, and I'm now onto the last season. I'll be sad to see it end.


----------



## Arendt

Feminist in Pink:

Do you know anybody with HBO? I don't own a TV but use a friends password to watch HBO Go. The HBO executive said he could care less if people do that, so in case you care, its not something considered stealing within HBO or anything. You can watch all the seasons of there.

HBO Go doesn't mind if you share your password with your friends: Why? : BIZ TECH : Tech Times

As far as the cat: sorry to hear that. Maybe you could find somebody to adopt your cat? I have two and am pretty ahppy with them. I can't just pack up and go on huge road trips or whatever, so they tie me down a bit, but nothing at all like children would do. Not even close. I have two cats and they play with each other when I ignore them. That's why I have two, so they can keep each other company as well.


----------



## COGypsy

FeministInPink said:


> So, I realized that only seasons 1-3 of True Blood are available for free on Amazon. Seasons 4-6 are not free. Figures that I got hooked and made it halfway through season 3 before figuring it out.
> 
> 
> 
> Now I'm sucked in and will probably end up paying to watch seasons 4-6.
> 
> Unless someone wants to lend me their HBO GO password.... :smthumbup:
> 
> But ALL of The Sopranos is free, and I'm now onto the last season. I'll be sad to see it end.


I think you've probably watched the best of the True Blood series. I watched through season 4. I tried to watch season 5 and couldn't make myself do it. It was pretty much the only reason I was keeping HBO on my cable package. I don't know if I feel like the series jumped way, way past the shark compared to the novels it was originally based on, but it just got too weird and too gory.

So if you end up paying for it, I'd pay maybe season 4 and then go by episodes to see if you stay into it!


----------



## unsure78

Im kinda bored...ive been all super suzy homemaker this last extra long weekend... and my DS and I have had a lot of fun...but im ready for adult conversation again...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sounds like you need a hobby.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Sounds like you need a hobby.


Lol... I was busy just not with adult fun things...

And the next two days when I dont have DS will be busy... im even going to a concert wed evening downtown (and im working the next day! I never do that  )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

I'm going to go hang out with friends and not think about drama for a few hours.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Doesn't that get boring though man? Like the only reason why I think the sex I am having is so good and getting better is because we are attaching more and more...more and more we are letting go of things and getting comfortable and connecting.


Sure, but it's a desire forfilled nonetheless, same as having a meal. After some time you get used to having bread and butter instead of lobsters so to speak. 

Sex in a relationship is a luxury that has a price, a price that I'm no longer willing to pay. Besides bread and butter is nice!


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> So Whitehawk, movealong and I all met our exwives through a nontraditional means: through a kind of blind correspondence first?
> 
> I think that made a difference for me. My ex was a good looking woman, but we fell for each other before we really knew what each other looked like. I probably in the end would not have pursued further if I saw her photo and she had not been attractive in my eyes, but we connected first in another way. I liked that. I still do.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AP met his gf on a date site too. Really , like 4 people just here alone , maybe it's not as silly as l've been thinking of late.
> But then l did lucky that once already so the odds of striking twice like that , damn near impossible you'd imagine.
> 
> l didn't see a pic of my ex for a wk either . We talked over the phone most days but it was long distance so we even had to keep that down.
> lnsane , l should be forgetting it but l can still see every word on her page about you that they send you. No pictures though and it took us a wk or so to do and post those of to each other.
> l just knew with her though , pic or no pic and the same with yours , she just happened to be a great looking girl.
> 
> Mind you , there are 2girls on my site, the only 2 really in 3mths , that have really , like really , struck me . But guess what , neither of them have even been into the site for mths , so l can only pray they actually log in and get my messages one day. Ummmm , and if they do , not press delete


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Hands down or up or to the side or whatever way...best sex of my entire life last night!
> Half way through the day now and I can not concentrate...mind is blown!
> Sorry guys not bragging I just had to share.
> 
> I am pretty sure now that you need to find your sexual match to have sex like this. Of course we have both had good sex before with other people but never has it or could it be like this with out each other. It just keeps getting better and better.
> My entire marriage and sex = a bunch of crap
> 
> I wish everyone to be able to have this kind of sex




l know it , all of it . l was lucky enough to have years , and years, and years of it . That's why l'm just not interested in so so , no feel bullsh!t now , just doesn't cut it .


----------



## whitehawk

AP , btw , wasn't it a few wks before you actually saw pics of your gf , or was that someone else ?


----------



## RandomDude

BAH fking pretty ladies!

Damn woman was 9.5/10, got me bloody fking infactuated with those pretty eyes of hers, BAH! Butterflies! She's so my type!

BAH! Hate it when that happens, infactuation that is, oh well I'll forget about her tonight once FWB comes over


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Doesn't that get boring though man? Like the only reason why I think the sex I am having is so good and getting better is because we are attaching more and more...more and more we are letting go of things and getting comfortable and connecting.


Hell yeah. :smthumbup:



RandomDude said:


> BAH fking pretty ladies!
> 
> Damn woman was 9.5/10, got me bloody fking infactuated with those pretty eyes of hers, BAH! Butterflies! She's so my type!
> 
> BAH! Hate it when that happens, infactuation that is, oh well I'll forget about her tonight once FWB comes over


:rofl:


----------



## Vanton68

Just got back home from a very fun first date! Who cares that I have to work in 3 hours! Worth every minute.


----------



## whitehawk

Well there ya go , exactly what l was saying about those two l'd really love to meet .

l just heard back from one of them.
But first l get an email saying she'd like to chat .
But then directly above that one was a new email saying she removed me from her contacts - WTF 
And they were only about 30mins apart, hu !

Did she crack the sh!ts because l didn't respond straight away or what ?

lt's one thing about this online stuff, you get the strangest things happen.


----------



## Vanton68

Date started off weird: 
I met her at a restaurant and she was talking to her girlfriend outside. 
Strike ONE
She completely blows me off for 5 minutes. Not good. 
Strike TWO
We go inside and the 1st thing she says is I thought guys under 5'10" were extinct. I'm like wow you really aren't going to be in to me.
Ball ONE
Drinks, lots in common.
Ball TWO
She asks me to go to another bar...offers to drive me home
Ball THREE 
We end up talking and making out for hours in the parking lot. now she's telling me she wants to go home with me, but also doesn't because it's our 1st date
Ball FOUR
We make out some more and finally leave so we can get an hour or 2 of sleep before work. I go home alone and worked the hell up. We agree to meet tonight and I take my base.


----------



## Vanton68

whitehawk said:


> Well there ya go , exactly what l was saying about those two l'd really love to meet .
> 
> l just heard back from one of them.
> But first l get an email saying she'd like to chat .
> But then directly above that one was a new email saying she removed me from her contacts - WTF
> And they were only about 30mins apart, hu !
> 
> Did she crack the sh!ts because l didn't respond straight away or what ?
> 
> lt's one thing about this online stuff, you get the strangest things happen.


Online is a crap-shoot of people not being invested enough to even reply half the time. HOWEVER every psycho, heart breaker I ever met was from real life encounters. I guess since I have irons in both fires (online and real life) my odds of meeting nice women are increased


----------



## EnjoliWoman

RandomDude said:


> BAH fking pretty ladies!
> 
> Damn woman was 9.5/10, got me bloody fking infactuated with those pretty eyes of hers, BAH! Butterflies! She's so my type!
> 
> BAH! Hate it when that happens, infactuation that is, oh well I'll forget about her tonight once FWB comes over


Is infactuation where you are, in fact, infatuated?  :rofl:

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)


----------



## Vanton68

Ladies, do you ever want to go home with a guy on the first date AND keep pushing the boundaries of doing so AND then decide not to go at the last second? 

I mean, I asked her to come home with me after about an hour of making out. All this making out stuff seems like high school almost (I never did it much while married). She eventually said she shouldn't -->she wanted to but was trying to be a good girl. I really don't know when a woman is copping out or being real anymore. The last 10 women I have been with everything "started" on the 1st night. So I really got used to things happening fast.


----------



## whitehawk

Vanton68 said:


> Online is a crap-shoot of people not being invested enough to even reply half the time. HOWEVER every psycho, heart breaker I ever met was from real life encounters. I guess since I have irons in both fires (online and real life) my odds of meeting nice women are increased



Yeah your right when you put it that way. l haven't really had any trouble at all with any of the girls l've met online really. Just a few weird little things like that really, nothin much.
Had my share in the real world ones though , good point :scratchhead:.


----------



## whitehawk

Vanton68 said:


> Ladies, do you ever want to go home with a guy on the first date AND keep pushing the boundaries of doing so AND then decide not to go at the last second?
> 
> I mean, I asked her to come home with me after about an hour of making out. All this making out stuff seems like high school almost (I never did it much while married). She eventually said she shouldn't -->she wanted to but was trying to be a good girl. I really don't know when a woman is copping out or being real anymore. The last 10 women I have been with everything "started" on the 1st night. So I really got used to things happening fast.



Sh!t you' been a busy boy , l'm jealous.
But nah , l see exactly where she's coming from . Some people , the girls in particular will often feel like sh!t if they do crack and go home with you first date.
lf she wants to see you again then that's all it was . l'd respect her for it myself.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Vanton68 said:


> Ladies, do you ever want to go home with a guy on the first date AND keep pushing the boundaries of doing so AND then decide not to go at the last second?
> 
> I mean, I asked her to come home with me after about an hour of making out. All this making out stuff seems like high school almost (I never did it much while married). She eventually said she shouldn't -->she wanted to but was trying to be a good girl. I really don't know when a woman is copping out or being real anymore. The last 10 women I have been with everything "started" on the 1st night. So I really got used to things happening fast.


Usually I don't keep pushing boundaries if I'm not going to go there. Teasing is a game for young girls. BUT it was probably just that she likes you and didn't want you to think she was easy - good ole double standard. For women you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Just when I thought I'd heard everything...

Had a date on July 3rd - went to dinner and then watched the fireworks. Was okay, but I wasn't overly into him. Ended the night with a hug, we chatted a little the next day, and then he gets super weird with me on July 5th, I caught him in a pretty ridiculous lie, and so I tell him I just think we're different people, wish him the best, and say my goodbyes. He says he's confused but understands and wishes me well also. If he's already lying about things after one date, and I wasn't really into him anyway, I definitely see no reason to continue.

Fast forward to this morning...haven't spoken with him since July 5th... he messages me and says he wants to "try again." We had one date, so I think this already sounds a bit bizarre. Then says he was talking to his mom and sister about me (weird), and he says they're encouraging him to "patch things up" with me because they could see us together. The guy is 38 years old. And it was one date! I was sorta dumbfounded. Enticing me with pre-approval from your mother and sister...haha. No. 

I decided people get weirder by the day.


----------



## moxy

Vanton68 said:


> Ladies, do you ever want to go home with a guy on the first date AND keep pushing the boundaries of doing so AND then decide not to go at the last second?
> 
> 
> 
> I mean, I asked her to come home with me after about an hour of making out. All this making out stuff seems like high school almost (I never did it much while married). She eventually said she shouldn't -->she wanted to but was trying to be a good girl. I really don't know when a woman is copping out or being real anymore. The last 10 women I have been with everything "started" on the 1st night. So I really got used to things happening fast.



Making out is awesome. Makes the sex better. Waiting for it is good sometimes. Sounds like maybe she doesn't want you to think she is "sleazy" or just using you for sex. Women get slvt-shamed too often and sometimes feel like they shouldn't hook up on date one; that's nonsense because everyone likes getting it, but culture can be an influencing factor in these things. It's weird that she's running all hot and cold on you; maybe she's just nervous?


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> My family is definitely codependent and very dysfunctional. I have an incredibly hard time keeping my life separate from the collective family life. It worsened substantially after my exh and I split up; things between me and them are often deeply troubled, with me feeling powerless.
> 
> However, I don't think I'm in any kind of codependent arrangement with Guy. Do I feel the need to please him? Of course: that's what you do when you're hooking up with someone! I don't feel the need to change myself in any other ways for him. We usually meet when it's convenient and I am not afraid of saying no to him about things.


Codependency is a learned trait. If you feel your family is codependent and you can't seem to set rigid boundaries or break away from them then chances are you're codependent too. 

It seems to happen more in families where one parent has a drinking, drug problem, or mental illness (depression), or is severely mentally/physically abusive and the rest of the family learns to set aside their needs to make that person happy.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



SoVeryLost said:


> Just when I thought I'd heard everything...
> 
> Had a date on July 3rd - went to dinner and then watched the fireworks. Was okay, but I wasn't overly into him. Ended the night with a hug, we chatted a little the next day, and then he gets super weird with me on July 5th, I caught him in a pretty ridiculous lie, and so I tell him I just think we're different people, wish him the best, and say my goodbyes. He says he's confused but understands and wishes me well also. If he's already lying about things after one date, and I wasn't really into him anyway, I definitely see no reason to continue.
> 
> Fast forward to this morning...haven't spoken with him since July 5th... he messages me and says he wants to "try again." We had one date, so I think this already sounds a bit bizarre. Then says he was talking to his mom and sister about me (weird), and he says they're encouraging him to "patch things up" with me because they could see us together. The guy is 38 years old. And it was one date! I was sorta dumbfounded. Enticing me with pre-approval from your mother and sister...haha. No.
> 
> I decided people get weirder by the day.


I discussed this with my mother and brother, we agree with his mother and sister.


----------



## Jellybeans

Vanton68 said:


> Date started off weird:
> I met her at a restaurant and she was talking to her girlfriend outside.
> Strike ONE
> *She completely blows me off for 5 minutes. Not good.
> Strike TWO
> We go inside and the 1st thing she says is I thought guys under 5'10" were extinct. *I'm like wow you really aren't going to be in to me.
> Ball ONE
> Drinks, lots in common.
> Ball TWO
> She asks me to go to another bar...offers to drive me home
> Ball THREE
> We end up talking and making out for hours in the parking lot. now she's telling me she wants to go home with me, but also doesn't because it's our 1st date
> Ball FOUR
> We make out some more and finally leave so we can get an hour or 2 of sleep before work. I go home alone and worked the hell up. We agree to meet tonight and I take my base.


You are better than me. I would have left after the bolded comment. 

And you want to go out with her again tonight? 

:scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Vanton68 said:


> Ladies, do you ever want to go home with a guy on the first date AND keep pushing the boundaries of doing so AND then decide not to go at the last second?


Not usually. But the lady you described above sounds like she has major issues. So I'm not surprised she was all over the place, disrespectful and just geneally unpleasant.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Not usually. But the lady you described above sounds like she has major issues. So I'm not surprised she was all over the place, disrespectful and just geneally unpleasant.


Not to mention she's also a sl*tty alcoholic who is way too into herself.

$100 says she uses the line _"All my exes were mean to me, but you're special!"_ or some BS like that.:smthumbup:


----------



## Vanton68

Nsweet said:


> Not to mention she's also a sl*tty alcoholic who is way too into herself.
> 
> $100 says she uses the line _"All my exes were mean to me, but you're special!"_ or some BS like that.:smthumbup:


I understand you have your official Internet psychology diagnosing by proxy degree, but calling her an alcoholic was a reach even for your all knowing self. Sure you'll have something that you think is clever to reply with, I can't wait baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68

Jellybeans said:


> Not usually. But the lady you described above sounds like she has major issues. So I'm not surprised she was all over the place, disrespectful and just geneally unpleasant.


I see what you're saying, I think she was trying to be clever. By the end of the night we knew we had a lot in common. Plus breaking people with attitude is always fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Who are you defending, yourself or some girl you just made out with on a first date?

Don't tell me you're thinking of rescuing her from herself.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> Who are you defending, yourself or some girl you just made out with on a first date?
> 
> Don't tell me you're thinking of rescuing her from herself.


He's actually commenting on your outrageous accusation of her being an alcoholic.

Nice avoidance / deflection though.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Codependency is a learned trait. If you feel your family is codependent and you can't seem to set rigid boundaries or break away from them then chances are you're codependent too.


I am definitely in a codependent relationship with my family. It's a big problem. I have no idea how to combat this, but I guess that's what I'm working on resolving. I had a pretty good childhood, but my parents have always been too controlling and overbearing because they don't seem to acknowledge boundaries. I was in a codependent relationship with my exh, and it developed into an emotionally abusive thing with me being too willing to change everything for him. I have a serious problem recognizing my own boundaries in close relationships. I do not see anything codependent with Guy; I think I'm not sure what he wants and I'm not sure what I want -- and, that I'm happy to just keep having sex with him, if that's all we are going to do, but I'm contending with feelings of attachment that make me uneasy. It's entirely possible that IF a more substantive and less casual relationship developed, I'd be likely to fall into those codependent tendencies with him, so I'm on the lookout for them; so far, I don't think they are presenting, but I do think I'm crushing on him way more than I'm comfortable with and that makes me feel like I'm not in control. I think it's possible to have codependent behaviors in some aspects of life, but not others. Those of you who fall into this category, do you find that the behaviors impact everything or just some interpersonal relationships?


----------



## Nsweet

So Vanton has no problem with me calling his first date a "sl*t" or a "narcissist" but *"alcoholic"* struck a nerve?


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> I am definitely in a codependent relationship with my family. It's a big problem. I have no idea how to combat this, but I guess that's what I'm working on resolving. I had a pretty good childhood, but my parents have always been too controlling and overbearing because they don't seem to acknowledge boundaries. I was in a codependent relationship with my exh, and it developed into an emotionally abusive thing with me being too willing to change everything for him. I have a serious problem recognizing my own boundaries in close relationships. I do not see anything codependent with Guy; I think I'm not sure what he wants and I'm not sure what I want -- and, that I'm happy to just keep having sex with him, if that's all we are going to do, but I'm contending with feelings of attachment that make me uneasy. It's entirely possible that IF a more substantive and less casual relationship developed, I'd be likely to fall into those codependent tendencies with him, so I'm on the lookout for them; so far, I don't think they are presenting, but *I do think I'm crushing on him way more than I'm comfortable with and that makes me feel like I'm not in control.* I think it's possible to have codependent behaviors in some aspects of life, but not others. Those of you who fall into this category, do you find that the behaviors impact everything or just some interpersonal relationships?


So a fear of intimacy? Fear of losing yourself in a relationship, again? 

There's not a lot you can do for codependency until you start recognizing those traits in yourself and setting healthy boundaries for yourself. This is why the NC part of the 180 helps you to break free from the caretaking or pleasing role. 

The thing that helped me break free from my codependent relationship with my own mother was to move out for a while, and in doing so I deprogrammed myself from that caretaker role.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So Vanton has no problem with me calling his first date a "sl*t" or a "narcissist" but *"alcoholic"* struck a nerve?


Could be a personal trigger.


----------



## Jellybeans

I read that post the way Nsweet did. Granted, I just went to look back at it and I thought Vanton has said ""Drinks lots ----suggested another bar -- offers to drive me home" 

but he wrote "Drinks, LOTS in common." Lol. But I can see how Nsweet would thin that cause I misread it too.

Also, Vanton has wrote all these issues under "BAD"



Vanton68 said:


> I see what you're saying, I think she was trying to be clever. By the end of the night we knew we had a lot in common. Plus breaking people with attitude is always fun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey, it's your life. If you wish to go out with her again, have fun. I was just saying, from my POV, I would not have made it past the part where the person was blowing me off and made the dig at the height. 

I woulda been like, "Sweet! No money to be spent on this unpleasant-attitude person." Then I would have winked at the bartender and slipped out.


----------



## Vanton68

Nsweet said:


> So Vanton has no problem with me calling his first date a "sl*t" or a "narcissist" but *"alcoholic"* struck a nerve?


Actually, every overreach you make is annoying. But you'll rant on like a angry teenage girl with all the answers whether I take offense to one word or a hundred.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> So Vanton has no problem with me calling his first date a "sl*t" or a "narcissist" but *"alcoholic"* struck a nerve?


It looked like Vanton was trying to figure out why his date was sending mixed sexual signals, not accusing her of being a sl*t; it's not cool to call a woman a sl*t just because she makes out with a guy. He did point out some of her ill-mannered behavior, but those were pointed out with analysis of the mixed signals in mind, not as a jab on her character the way simply stating "naricissim" might be. And, I don't think the issue was whether or not something struck a nerve, but the fact that calling her an alcoholic has no basis in the facts as they were presented; getting a little drunk on a date does not make a person an alcoholic, neither does making out with a guy and being uncertain about sex make a person a sl*ut, neither does having poor manners and inconsiderate behavior necessarily make someone a narcissist. 

It is, however, fair to say that based on this woman's behavior, she doesn't know what she wants and is sending mixed signals, that it's complicated because she is demonstrating some weird behavior like clinginess to a friend, ignoring her date, and insulting her date, and that it seems she may have some issues. Highlighting those as alcoholism, narcissism, and promiscuity is a bit of a reach, though. Additionally, stating those problems in this way -- as labels -- doesn't help the original poster understand or negotiate his situation. Maybe you see these labels manifesting in his description, but it would probably cause less offense if you explained why you believe it is important to draw attention to them with an eye toward helping the original poster resolve the situation.

You mean well, but when you stop short of synthesizing your point, it comes across as a bit of an attack, rather than a gesture of support. Relax. Explain a bit further, if you want your point to be received without resistance.


----------



## Nsweet

Vanton68 said:


> Actually, every overreach you make is annoying. But you'll rant on like a angry teenage girl with all the answers whether I take offense to one word or a hundred.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So far, you're the only one ranting.


----------



## Vanton68

moxy said:


> It looked like Vanton was trying to figure out why his date was sending mixed sexual signals, not accusing her of being a sl*t; it's not cool to call a woman a sl*t just because she makes out with a guy. He did point out some of her ill-mannered behavior, but those were pointed out with analysis of the mixed signals in mind, not as a jab on her character the way simply stating "naricissim" might be. And, I don't think the issue was whether or not something struck a nerve, but the fact that calling her an alcoholic has no basis in the facts as they were presented; getting a little drunk on a date does not make a person an alcoholic, neither does making out with a guy and being uncertain about sex make a person a sl*ut, neither does having poor manners and inconsiderate behavior necessarily make someone a narcissist.
> 
> It is, however, fair to say that based on this woman's behavior, she doesn't know what she wants and is sending mixed signals, that it's complicated because she is demonstrating some weird behavior like clinginess to a friend, ignoring her date, and insulting her date, and that it seems she may have some issues. Highlighting those as alcoholism, narcissism, and promiscuity is a bit of a reach, though. Additionally, stating those problems in this way -- as labels -- doesn't help the original poster understand or negotiate his situation. Maybe you see these labels manifesting in his description, but it would probably cause less offense if you explained why you believe it is important to draw attention to them with an eye toward helping the original poster resolve the situation.
> 
> You mean well, but when you stop short of synthesizing your point, it comes across as a bit of an attack, rather than a gesture of support. Relax. Explain a bit further, if you want your point to be received without resistance.


Beautiful. Thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok ok ok. I really do not think Nsweet meant any harm. He was responding to your post. So you didn't like it, Vanton. Got it.

Now, let's all hug and I will bring everyone some lemonade so we can cool off.

Kumbaya, everyone.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Feminist in Pink:
> 
> Do you know anybody with HBO? I don't own a TV but use a friends password to watch HBO Go. The HBO executive said he could care less if people do that, so in case you care, its not something considered stealing within HBO or anything. You can watch all the seasons of there.
> 
> HBO Go doesn't mind if you share your password with your friends: Why? : BIZ TECH : Tech Times
> 
> As far as the cat: sorry to hear that. Maybe you could find somebody to adopt your cat? I have two and am pretty ahppy with them. I can't just pack up and go on huge road trips or whatever, so they tie me down a bit, but nothing at all like children would do. Not even close. I have two cats and they play with each other when I ignore them. That's why I have two, so they can keep each other company as well.


I know several friends with HBO, and while I know that HBO doesn't consider it stealing, _*I do*_, so I probably wouldn't actually ask to use someone else's password. I wouldn't feel right doing it. And given COGypsy's review of season's 4-6, I might just wait until they are free. There are a TON of other HBO series that I can watch in the meantime. (I've wanted to see all of _Six Feet Under_ for a very long time now, not to mention _The Wire_, _Boardwalk Empire_, and _Rome_.) I have enough TV to last me a VERY long time.

I thought about finding someone to adopt the cat, but I decided against it for several reasons. 1) My former boss entrusted the care of this cat to me (and the XH); just because my situation has changed, doesn't mean my agreement has changed. 2) The cat places no undue burden on me at this point; my landlords gladly cat-sit when I go out of town, as I do the same for them. 3) The cat is old and is in declining health; I don't expect that he will live for more than a few years beyond right now, and I don't want to put him through the stress of a new home and a new owner, after he's already lost both a human and a feline companion in the last 1.5 yrs, especially when the amount of quality time he has left is limited. 4) As needy as he can be, it is nice sometimes to have the company.

And... I sometimes feel like my XH tossed me aside because he decided he was bored with me and that I had outlived my usefulness. I'm not going to do that to my cat.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Ok ok ok. I really do not think Nsweet meant any harm. He was responding to your post. So you didn't like it, Vanton. Got it.
> 
> Now, let's all hug and I will bring everyone some lemonade so we can cool off.
> 
> Kumbaya, everyone.



Virgin lemonade only


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> So a fear of intimacy? Fear of losing yourself in a relationship, again?


Oh, yeah. Big time. I like the guy. I don't know how much he likes me, which makes me nervous. He may be returning to a warzone soon, which makes me scared. We talked about where things would be with us at that time because he seemed to want to know what I would do. It made me realize that I care more than I realized. And, I'm afraid that my messed family situation will prevent me from behaving like a sensible person because I don't know how to negotiate it. Plus, my last relationship destroyed me; I'm definitely afraid of a repeat of that situation. I'd be less insecure if we talked more, but we talk only about once or twice a week over text; he's way more chatty in person in general and seems to like pillow talk a lot because it's easier to relax afterwards. Anyway, I think Guy is mad at me (with reason; my behavior could have been interpreted as offensive because I didn't communicate well) and not talking to me right now, so...he may just resolve my fear by shutting me out anyway. This sucks, but, I was always afraid it would happen anyway.



Nsweet said:


> "the NC part of the 180 helps you to break free from the caretaking or pleasing role."
> 
> "move out for a while, and in doing so I deprogrammed myself from that caretaker role."


Quitting cold-turkey does help break most bad habits; unfortunately, I am in a literal caretaker role some of the time because my parents are actually ill and actually do need help. I have to learn how to draw the line between actual need and manipulation, but I am not always able to recognize the difference in the moment.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I know several friends with HBO, and while I know that HBO doesn't consider it stealing, _*I do*_, so I probably wouldn't actually ask to use someone else's password. I wouldn't feel right doing it.
> 
> I thought about finding someone to adopt the cat, but I decided against it for several reasons. 1) My former boss entrusted the care of this cat to me (and the XH); just because my situation has changed, doesn't mean my agreement has changed.
> 
> And... I sometimes feel like my XH tossed me aside because he decided he was bored with me and that I had outlived my usefulness. I'm not going to do that to my cat.


You seem to be a person who has integrity. This is a good thing.


----------



## FeministInPink

Vanton68 said:


> Ladies, do you ever want to go home with a guy on the first date AND keep pushing the boundaries of doing so AND then decide not to go at the last second?
> 
> I mean, I asked her to come home with me after about an hour of making out. All this making out stuff seems like high school almost (I never did it much while married). She eventually said she shouldn't -->she wanted to but was trying to be a good girl. I really don't know when a woman is copping out or being real anymore. The last 10 women I have been with everything "started" on the 1st night. So I really got used to things happening fast.


I haven't really been dating since my divorce, so I might behave differently now, but when I was dating BEFORE I met my XH, dating (especially 1st/2nd dates) was a constant battle between my libido and my common sense. Because I have a very high libido, and my id wants to get it on right away; but my rational mind knows that if I get it on right away, I might get emotionally attached to a man who doesn't deserve it/isn't good for me.

But enjoy the making out! Making out really gets the short shrift. A lot of men (sorry, guys! just my experience) think that making out is just a stand-in for sex until you actually have sex, which negates the eroticism and the hotness of just making out. If you want to get your woman's engine revving, temporarily take sex off the table and just focus on the making out; she'll be ripping your clothes off after a good make-out session. Women need foreplay, and just making out is great foreplay.

I never got any make-out in my former marriage; it was either sex or nothing. And it completely sucked. Embrace the make-out and enjoy it for what it is, which is totally hot.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> So far, you're the only one ranting.


Well that's because he's not a woman in distress!!


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> Virgin lemonade only


They are all virgins. It is too early to be drinking anyway. Lol.

One lemonade for Uncle Dre coming up!


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> dating (especially 1st/2nd dates) was a constant battle between my libido and my common sense. Because I have a very high libido, and my id wants to get it on right away; but my rational mind knows that if I get it on right away, I might get emotionally attached to a man who doesn't deserve it/isn't good for me.


Same here. This feels like my battle every day. 



FeministInPink said:


> If you want to get your woman's engine revving...focus on the making out; she'll be ripping your clothes off after a good make-out session. Women need foreplay, and just making out is great foreplay.


Yes. I definitely agree.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I am definitely in a codependent relationship with my family. It's a big problem. I have no idea how to combat this, but I guess that's what I'm working on resolving. I had a pretty good childhood, but my parents have always been too controlling and overbearing because they don't seem to acknowledge boundaries. I was in a codependent relationship with my exh, and it developed into an emotionally abusive thing with me being too willing to change everything for him. I have a serious problem recognizing my own boundaries in close relationships. I do not see anything codependent with Guy; I think I'm not sure what he wants and I'm not sure what I want -- and, that I'm happy to just keep having sex with him, if that's all we are going to do, but I'm contending with feelings of attachment that make me uneasy. It's entirely possible that IF a more substantive and less casual relationship developed, I'd be likely to fall into those codependent tendencies with him, so I'm on the lookout for them; so far, I don't think they are presenting, but I do think I'm crushing on him way more than I'm comfortable with and that makes me feel like I'm not in control. I think it's possible to have codependent behaviors in some aspects of life, but not others. *Those of you who fall into this category, do you find that the behaviors impact everything or just some interpersonal relationships?*


I found that as my relationship with my XH became worse/more dysfunctional/co-dependent, it did seep into some of my other relationships, but I didn't know it at the time, because I didn't understand the dynamics of the marital relationship. Now that I've come to understand that and work on those issues within myself, I begin to see the behavioral patterns in other relationships as well. I think some of it also depends on the other person in that relationship. I find a lot of the patterns repeated with my boss, but I've come to the realization that my boss is similar to my husband (and mother) in a number of ways, so I see a lot of behavioral patterns there, which I've started to break up and re-work. But in other relationships, there's no such pattern, and those are the best/healthiest relationships I have, and I see much of that reflected in the emotional stability of the other person.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> You seem to be a person who has integrity. This is a good thing.


I've had to rediscover what that means. My mother always taught me that it was best to be self-sacrificing (my mother, the martyr), but she was really teaching me to be co-dependent to her narcissism (and co-dependent to everyone else). It seems to me that some behaviors of co-dependency and integrity can appear similar on the surface, when the motives and the expectations behind the behaviors are vastly different.

So I aim to live my life with as much integrity as possible, and make a conscious effort towards that end. Living the examined life, and all. And I strive to surround myself with similar people. Which is easier said than done, sometimes, especially when living in politico central


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> AP , btw , wasn't it a few wks before you actually saw pics of your gf , or was that someone else ?


No not my GF. Other then the handful of pics on her profile within a few weeks she had sent me more. I knew what she looked like beforehand. 
I am a very vain person and looks are important to me so any profile without a pic was passed over immediately UNLESS for some reason something quickly caught my eye...even then I would need some form of confirmation on her physical appearance.


----------



## Another Planet

Vanton68 said:


> Date started off weird:
> I met her at a restaurant and she was talking to her girlfriend outside.
> Strike ONE
> She completely blows me off for 5 minutes. Not good.
> Strike TWO
> We go inside and the 1st thing she says is I thought guys under 5'10" were extinct. I'm like wow you really aren't going to be in to me.
> Ball ONE
> Drinks, lots in common.
> Ball TWO
> She asks me to go to another bar...offers to drive me home
> Ball THREE
> We end up talking and making out for hours in the parking lot. now she's telling me she wants to go home with me, but also doesn't because it's our 1st date
> Ball FOUR
> We make out some more and finally leave so we can get an hour or 2 of sleep before work. I go home alone and worked the hell up. We agree to meet tonight and I take my base.


Correct me if I'm wrong but this is how I read it...
So she ignores you, insults you, leads you on, lays out promises to keep you on the hook, and needs to be under control...

This was just my first instinct from casually reading what you said. By no means is it true it's just what came to me as I read it.


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong but this is how I read it...
> 
> So she ignores you, insults you, leads you on, lays out promises to keep you on the hook, and needs to be under control...
> 
> 
> 
> This was just my first instinct from casually reading what you said. By no means is it true it's just what came to me as I read it.



Isn't that process straight from the PUA handbook? Ignoring. "Negging". Implied social value/ranking. 

Actually sounds textbook to me. Except it's usually the other way around, gender-wise...


----------



## evolver

Hey all,

I think this is my 1st real post on this side of the forum. Got my papers about 1.5 months ago and haven't been actively pursuing dating, but working on getting my confidence up and trying new things. Now I could use some advice. Last time I dated, there was no such thing as texting or social media so here's my situation...

Back in April, I met Ygritte at a friend's picnic. That's not her real name, but she reminds me of the character from Game of Thrones a bit. Absolutely stunning woman, and clearly smart. She initiated conversation as I was leaving. We talked for 10 minutes or so. Nothing much happened here, but I did find out that she just ended an LTR with a cheater. 

A few months later, I met her again on a hike that our mutual friend arranged. If you've read my thread, this would be "Open-Marriage-Hottie". Ygritte and I talked a fair amount, and she asked if she could ride to dinner with me, instead of the mutual friend that she came with. The convo quickly turned to dating and I felt like I was getting hints, but I didn't act on them. I did compliment her, and she had the best reaction I think I've ever gotten to a compliment. At the end of the evening, she suggested we should go climbing sometime, which is a hobby I mentioned enjoying on the hike. Not thinking straight, I agreed and then immediately extended the invitation to some other climbers in the group (facepalm!)

I initiated some minor back-and-forth on social media, but then she goes dark and never responds to my last message. I figure I blew it and lost her interest, if there was any. No big deal, but I was disappointed. I didn't pursue once she went dark.

Two weekend ago, I'm at a club with our mutual friend. Ygritte shows up. At the end of the night, she suggests we "hang out". I say "how about climbing next Sunday". She agrees and says "and then maybe dinner?".

A few hours before our date, she texts me. She's sick and needs to cancel, but asks to reschedule. I reply with "aww, I'm sorry to hear that but I understand. How about same time next weekend?" No reply. That was Sunday. This is Wednesday. She's been vague-booking about something. Could be about me, probably not... too vague to tell. If she never got my reply, it could fit though. Either way, she's upset about something. Mutual friend thinks she's depressed, which wouldn't surprise me considering I'm a magnet for people like that, and I'm subconsciously attracted to them as well. 

So how does awesome, confident, non-needy me handle this situation? Continue waiting and risk loosing the opportunity due to technical foul? Message her and see what's up? Maybe something slightly ****y but attempting humor like "Did my reply not go through, or are you waiting for the pony express to deliver your invitation... 'cause I can totally make that happen" *followed by a picture of me riding a horse taken last weekend*. Yeah, kinda lame but I'm in the weeds here.


----------



## Jellybeans

Do not reach out to her again.

She has blown you off two or three times now.

I commend you for not having reached out to her the first time she went dark and didn't respond to you. GOOD. 

If and when she reaches out to you again, and in the case she asks you to hang out again I would tell her "You blew me off two or three times before so at this point, I'm not sure it's a good idea to even make plans. I thought that was pretty crap behavior." 

If she sends some fishing message like "HI" or something, I wouldn't respond. 

Bottom line is: if she were interested, she wouldn't keep blowing you off. 

Do not take her seriously. She has failed the basic "treat people as you wish to be treated" test two or three times now. I HATE when people disappear after making plans. it's so sh*t.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Drop her.

She likely is interested, but not enough to make you a priority or she's playing hard to get. 

Since she's super attractive, she probably meets the man du jour, has a few outings, decides she's not that into him and goes to the next, aka you.

She likely wasn't sick (not that it never happens but then she'd have replied right after). She had a better proposition come up - either an activity she prefers over hiking or a man she likes better.

If she's depressed, run. She's playing cat and mouse and likely getting affirmation from attention which makes her happy, then she gets down on herself and depressed. Until she gets that under control she's not relationship material.

Bottom line - you aren't a priority or she's not emotionally stable. Either way, you've gotta walk on.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and "vague-booking" is for attention seekers. I hide them from my "news feed." Can't stand that sh*t.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Do not reach out to her again.
> 
> She has blown you off two or three times now.
> 
> I commend you for not having reached out to her the first time she went dark and didn't respond to you. GOOD.
> 
> If and when she reaches out to you again, and in the case she asks you to hang out again I would tell her "You blew me off two or three times before so at this point, I'm not sure it's a good idea to even make plans. I thought that was pretty crap behavior."
> 
> If she sends some fishing message like "HI" or something, I wouldn't respond.
> 
> Bottom line is: if she were interested, she wouldn't keep blowing you office.
> 
> Do not take her seriously. She has failed the basic "treat people as you wish to be treated" test two or three times now. I HATE when people disappear after making plans. it's so sh*t.


:iagree:

As Unsure always says "actions not words"...talk is cheap so judge a person on what they do not what they say.

"Did my reply not go through, or are you waiting for the pony express to deliver your invitation... 'cause I can totally make that happen" *followed by a picture of me riding a horse taken last weekend*. Yeah, kinda lame but I'm in the weeds here"

Honestly sounds kind of desperate. Just let it go, there are other fish trust me you aren't missing out on anything.

Remember to not seem needy you literally have to not "need" someone, you are just fine by yourself.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Drop her.
> 
> She likely is interested, but not enough to make you a priority or she's playing hard to get.
> 
> Since she's super attractive, she probably meets the man du jour, has a few outings, decides she's not that into him and goes to the next, aka you.
> 
> She likely wasn't sick (not that it never happens but then she'd have replied right after). She had a better proposition come up - either an activity she prefers over hiking or a man she likes better.
> 
> If she's depressed, run. She's playing cat and mouse and likely getting affirmation from attention which makes her happy, then she gets down on herself and depressed. Until she gets that under control she's not relationship material.
> 
> Bottom line - you aren't a priority or she's not emotionally stable. Either way, you've gotta walk on.


^^^ THIS. You deserve better than this game-playing BS. Move on. There are better women out there who don't play games.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> And... I sometimes feel like my XH tossed me aside because he decided he was bored with me and that I had outlived my usefulness. I'm not going to do that to my cat.


I agree. Nonhuman animals are not things to toss aside because they are inconvenient. I agree with all your reasons for not adopting him out too. That is what I would do as well.

Really? You think it is stealing to use a password to watch their online programming when they say it is okay? I mean, I understand having enough to watch...I hate TV mostly which is why I don't own one. HBO has some good stuff though with long arcs. But if they say go ahead and use another person's password, I say, fine, I will. I'm not getting a TV that is for sure.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> "Did my reply not go through, or are you waiting for the pony express to deliver your invitation... '


:rofl: Haha. Love that, AP.

Seriously. 

She is not worth worrying about. 

This is why I said you reacted perfectly when she went dark the first time. When someone blatantly blows me off after I've reached out, I fall back.

"Ain't nobody got time for that."


----------



## Vanton68

Another Planet said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong but this is how I read it...
> So she ignores you, insults you, leads you on, lays out promises to keep you on the hook, and needs to be under control...
> 
> This was just my first instinct from casually reading what you said. By no means is it true it's just what came to me as I read it.


The cliffnotes were my impressions ATM. 

_According to her today, (we were texting about last night). Her gf was like check that guy out, she said that's my date and then they bantered back and forth about me. She said her friend wouldn't stop talking and asking her what she was going to do with me._
*Of course I see it as I'm getting blown off from my perspective*
_The height joke, she swears she was trying to be funny cuz she was nervous._
*Mehhh*
_According to her she wanted to go home with me so much last night, but she didn't want me to think that was how she is, didn't want us to be all about sex, and that she really struggled to not go home with me because of our chemistry_
*It seems genuine enough, there was a lot of electricity and lust*


----------



## Jellybeans

Vanton68 said:


> _According to her she wanted to go home with me so much last night, but she didn't want me to think that was how she is, didn't want us to be all about sex, and that she really struggled to not go home with me because of our chemistry_
> *It seems genuine enough, there was a lot of electricity and lust*


Ah, lust. Killing common sense brain cells since the beginning of time.


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Just when I thought I'd heard everything...
> 
> Had a date on July 3rd - went to dinner and then watched the fireworks. Was okay, but I wasn't overly into him. Ended the night with a hug, we chatted a little the next day, and then he gets super weird with me on July 5th, I caught him in a pretty ridiculous lie, and so I tell him I just think we're different people, wish him the best, and say my goodbyes. He says he's confused but understands and wishes me well also. If he's already lying about things after one date, and I wasn't really into him anyway, I definitely see no reason to continue.
> 
> Fast forward to this morning...haven't spoken with him since July 5th... he messages me and says he wants to "try again." We had one date, so I think this already sounds a bit bizarre. Then says he was talking to his mom and sister about me (weird), and he says they're encouraging him to "patch things up" with me because they could see us together. The guy is 38 years old. And it was one date! I was sorta dumbfounded. Enticing me with pre-approval from your mother and sister...haha. No.
> 
> I decided people get weirder by the day.


Maybe you are just that irresistible? I mean if his mom and sister agree, maybe you should look into patching it up :lol::lol::rofl:


----------



## Vanton68

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, lust. Killing common sense brain cells since the beginning of time.


:iagree:

It's just such an awesome, powerful thing. I think I'm in love with lust.


----------



## Jellybeans

SoVeryLost said:


> on July 5th, I caught him in a pretty ridiculous lie, and so I tell him I just think we're different people, wish him the best, and say my goodbyes.


What did he lie about?



SoVeryLost said:


> Then says he was talking to his mom and sister about me (weird), and he says they're encouraging him to "patch things up" with me because they could see us together. The guy is 38 years old. *And it was one date! *I was sorta dumbfounded. Enticing me with pre-approval from your mother and sister...haha. No.


Welcome to my world. I get a lot of the "would you like to meet my mother"-soon guys. It's CRAZY

So I guess you told him no? :rofl:


----------



## Vanton68

Jellybeans said:


> Do not reach out to her again.
> 
> She has blown you off two or three times now.
> 
> I commend you for not having reached out to her the first time she went dark and didn't respond to you. GOOD.
> 
> If and when she reaches out to you again, and in the case she asks you to hang out again I would tell her "You blew me off two or three times before so at this point, I'm not sure it's a good idea to even make plans. I thought that was pretty crap behavior."
> 
> If she sends some fishing message like "HI" or something, I wouldn't respond.
> 
> Bottom line is: if she were interested, she wouldn't keep blowing you off.
> 
> Do not take her seriously. She has failed the basic "treat people as you wish to be treated" test two or three times now. I HATE when people disappear after making plans. it's so sh*t.


I wish I could get better at this. There is one girl, who I want so badly, that I go back and forth with like this. I wish she'd just give up and let me in.


----------



## Ikaika

Vanton68 said:


> I wish I could get better at this. There is one girl, who I want so badly, that I go back and forth with like this. I wish she'd just give up and let me in.



There are a couple of Freudian statements made in these brief thoughts. :rofl:


----------



## Vanton68

drerio said:


> There are a couple of Freudian statements made in these brief thoughts. :rofl:


I re-read it and it's very clear NOW. :iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> There are a couple of Freudian statements made in these brief thoughts. :rofl:


Dr. Dre. 

:lol:


----------



## moxy

COGypsy said:


> Isn't that process straight from the PUA handbook? Ignoring. "Negging". Implied social value/ranking.
> 
> Actually sounds textbook to me. Except it's usually the other way around, gender-wise...



I thought this, as well.


----------



## moxy

Vanton68 said:


> I wish I could get better at this. There is one girl, who I want so badly, that I go back and forth with like this. I wish she'd just give up and let me in.



People get scared and nervous. People have issues. People sometimes need time to accept the circumstances. 

If you really like her, hang in there and keep trying. That's what I think...but, then, I'm one of those people who has trouble settling into a relationship in the first place, though, when I give in, it's for real. I think that sometimes, when people stall a bit like this, it's because they are facing done kind if internal conflict. I am pretty forgiving of people's eccentricities. Of course, if your disposition is at odds with mine on these aspects of human compassion, my advice might seem less appealing; people's thresholds and tolerance for strangeness vary.

Edit: she may be playing a Freudian game without knowing it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Vanton68 said:


> I wish I could get better at this. There is one girl, who I want so badly, that I go back and forth with like this. I *wish she'd just give up and let me in.*





moxy said:


> If you really like her, hang in there and keep trying.


Eh. If she hasn't "let you in" it may be because she does not want you to be in. If you both hit it off, great, but if not, it could be for a valid reason, like she is not interested in you. Not sure of what the background is with the girl but this kind of reminds me of Social Media Dude. He could not take "No" for an answer to the point it was creeping me out.

This is why I always say that if someone goes dark on you, do not keep chasing them.


----------



## evolver

Thanks all. I can always count on TAM for good advice fast. I'm tempted to defend her on a few points, but I guess it doesn't change the suggested course of (in)action.

Ahh, I'm gonna defend her a bit. You can hit me with a 2x4, but I'm trying to learn here. A few things:

-It could be viewed as me blowing her off first. She approached me twice, and both times, I did not step forward. The first two, I wasn't feeling ready to date, and that almost certainly came across our conversation. In those moments, I wasn't even considering her a possibility. Even when she blatantly asked me out, I deflected and invited the group. This was all before I had my divorce papers.

-I still didn't step forward in the social media messaging before she went dark. I *****-footed around, trying to re-spark conversation without ever clearly stating my intentions.

-I wasn't sure of my intentions until our mutual friend suggested "You should go out with Ygritte". I then thought, yeah... I really should. She seems great and what am I waiting for?

-Pretty sure the sick thing was honest. She gave details she didn't have to. UTI would've made a climbing harness torture. She did ask for a reschedule. 

-One of her vague-books was "I really love when people clearly state their intentions, in all areas of life". I don't know if that was for me, but it applies. I wasn't intentionally nice-guying her but I can see how I might have been confusing. I planned on making it very clear that I would like to be more than friends, right at the start of the date.

I guess none of this changes anything. I wanted to be clear though. Like I said, I'm trying to learn.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Really? You think it is stealing to use a password to watch their online programming when they say it is okay? I mean, I understand having enough to watch...I hate TV mostly which is why I don't own one. HBO has some good stuff though with long arcs. But if they say go ahead and use another person's password, I say, fine, I will. I'm not getting a TV that is for sure.


I'm not judging anyone who does. The CEO said he doesn't care, so fine, I don't care if other people do it. But I wouldn't feel right about doing it myself.

It's my prerogative to choose NOT to use someone else's username/password.


----------



## FeministInPink

evolver said:


> Thanks all. I can always count on TAM for good advice fast. I'm tempted to defend her on a few points, but I guess it doesn't change the suggested course of (in)action.
> 
> Ahh, I'm gonna defend her a bit. You can hit me with a 2x4, but I'm trying to learn here. A few things:
> 
> -It could be viewed as me blowing her off first. She approached me twice, and both times, I did not step forward. The first two, I wasn't feeling ready to date, and that almost certainly came across our conversation. In those moments, I wasn't even considering her a possibility. Even when she blatantly asked me out, I deflected and invited the group. This was all before I had my divorce papers.
> 
> -I still didn't step forward in the social media messaging before she went dark. I *****-footed around, trying to re-spark conversation without ever clearly stating my intentions.
> 
> -I wasn't sure of my intentions until our mutual friend suggested "You should go out with Ygritte". I then thought, yeah... I really should. She seems great and what am I waiting for?
> 
> -Pretty sure the sick thing was honest. She gave details she didn't have to. UTI would've made a climbing harness torture. She did ask for a reschedule.
> 
> -One of her vague-books was "I really love when people clearly state their intentions, in all areas of life". I don't know if that was for me, but it applies. I wasn't intentionally nice-guying her but I can see how I might have been confusing. I planned on making it very clear that I would like to be more than friends, right at the start of the date.
> 
> I guess none of this changes anything. I wanted to be clear though. Like I said, I'm trying to learn.


You know, if you feel that you haven't made your intentions clear, I think it might be OK to make one last go for it. But be clear and assertive about it! 

Before y'all hit ME with a 2x4, let me say this... as women, we are told time and again, if he's into you, he will make it happen, so step back and let it happen. But we've now telling *evolver*, "look, she went dark, she's not into it." If they are BOTH mistakenly stepping back because they think the other one isn't feeling it, well that would be a real shame, wouldn't it?

If you really were nice-guying her, and she didn't pick up on your signals, that's on you. If you REALLY want her, make it happen. But if you're thinking, "meh, maybe," then it's better to let it lie. Do you really want to go out with her? Or do you think you should because your friend said so? Sometimes the friend's suggestion can be the nudge you need to open your eyes, but other times, it can push you into doing something you don't really want. You've got to figure out which it is.


----------



## Another Planet

Vanton68 said:


> The cliffnotes were my impressions ATM.
> 
> _According to her today, (we were texting about last night). Her gf was like check that guy out, she said that's my date and then they bantered back and forth about me. She said her friend wouldn't stop talking and asking her what she was going to do with me._
> *Of course I see it as I'm getting blown off from my perspective*
> _The height joke, she swears she was trying to be funny cuz she was nervous._
> *Mehhh*
> _According to her she wanted to go home with me so much last night, but she didn't want me to think that was how she is, didn't want us to be all about sex, and that she really struggled to not go home with me because of our chemistry_
> *It seems genuine enough, there was a lot of electricity and lust*


Sounds all good then. Even the best matches still can be nervous and act kind of weird because of it at first. 
If she is thinking she doesn't want it to just be about sex then A. she is looking for long term so ready yourself for that and B. sounds like she is giving you a sign that this has happened to her before, it being just about sex that is.

Good luck, if you like her enough she will tell you what to do if you just listen to her with her signs and don't ignore the redflags.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> Maybe you are just that irresistible? I mean if his mom and sister agree, maybe you should look into patching it up :lol::lol::rofl:


Nope, pretty average, ordinary girl over here. I think when people get desperate they tend to see the world through rose colored glasses.





Jellybeans said:


> What did he lie about?
> 
> 
> 
> Welcome to my world. I get a lot of the "would you like to meet my mother"-soon guys. It's CRAZY
> 
> So I guess you told him no? :rofl:


He was working on a home project, and we hadn't chatted much at all, which is a-okay with me. We both have busy lives; I'm not one to watch the clock for correspondences. 

At his suggestion we had become friends on facebook. He was posting pictures of his progress throughout the day on his home project, which showed up in my newsfeed of course. Also showing up in my newsfeed were pictures he had "liked" ...one aspect of facebook that I find a bit annoying actually. Most of the pics he was liking were of women, but that was just an observation - I wouldn't have cared if he was liking pictures of tree stumps. 

When he messages me later that day, he tells me he just finished with his project and hasn't had a moment to sit down all day. I told him I noticed the pics of his project earlier in the day on facebook, that it looked like he did a good job, etc. He tells me he doesn't know how it's possible I saw those pics because he just posted them. I said no...you posted them a few hours ago. He is adamant that's not possible because he was outside all day. At this point I'm thinking, "what a dumb thing to lie about...you can't fake a timestamp on facebook." So then I say I saw his photo "likes" of those women throughout the day in my newsfeed too, and I could see he was online, so no big deal, but don't lie about being online. Who cares?? And then he says I'm being "demanding" and explains that the photo likes were of women he is friends with. I tell him I don't care who they are, that it doesn't bother me in the least that he liked photos of women on facebook he is friends with, but I point out that he just admitted to "liking" the photos throughout the day! Lot of drama for an almost 40-year-old man, for no reason whatsoever. And that, folks, is why you abstain from facebook friendships with dates! 

To answer your question....I did tell him no.


----------



## Jellybeans

evolver said:


> I guess none of this changes anything.


Nope, it doesn't.

Fact is, she told you twice she wanted to hang out and bailed on you when you tried to set it up.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not reach out to her again.

Also, it doesn't seem you had much interest in her until she started treating you badly. The whole "want what you can't have." I say, let it go and stop trying to make something happen that isn't flowing naturally.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. If she hasn't "let you in" it may be because she does not want you to be in. If you both hit it off, great, but if not, it could be for a valid reason, like she is not interested in you. Not sure of what the background is with the girl but this kind of reminds me of Social Media Dude. He could not take "No" for an answer to the point it was creeping me out.
> 
> 
> 
> This is why I always say that if someone goes dark on you, do not keep chasing them.



I was under the impression that the woman in question was being hot and cold, rather than going dark. If she's straight up avoiding and ignoring, then don't keep reaching out (unless you've got something to apologize for, OP). If it's the mixed signals, I'd say don't give up. It took hearing the words "let me in" before I gave in to the possibility of feelings; it was then that I thought they might not be unwanted. Are you being hot and cold with her, too, OP?


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> I wish I could get better at this. There is one girl, who I want so badly, that I go back and forth with like this. I wish she'd just give up and let me in.


Meh, it sounds like you have plenty of other options keeping you busy. I'd forget about her and focus on the women who are making themselves available to you in the way you want/need. Hot make-out sessions trump flaky broads any day.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> You know, if you feel that you haven't made your intentions clear, I think it might be OK to make one last go for it. But be clear and assertive about it!
> 
> Before y'all hit ME with a 2x4, let me say this... as women, we are told time and again, if he's into you, he will make it happen, so step back and let it happen. But we've now telling *evolver*, "look, she went dark, she's not into it."


I disagree because of this:



evolver said:


> I initiated some minor back-and-forth on social media, *but then she goes dark and never responds to my last message.*
> 
> Two weekend ago, I'm at a club with our mutual friend. Ygritte shows up. At the end of the night, *she suggests we "hang out". I say "how about climbing next Sunday". She agrees and says "and then maybe dinner?".*
> 
> *A few hours before our date, she texts me. She's sick and needs to cancel, but asks to reschedule. I reply with "aww, I'm sorry to hear that but I understand. How about same time next weekend?" No reply. *


He was clear about wanting to hang with her. She has blatantly blown him off twice now and one time cancelled just a few house before a date.


----------



## evolver

I keep hearing that being "outcome independent" is the best way to be bold, so that's what I've been trying to do. Truth is, I really do want to go out with her. I've been offered dates, and more, since my separation but I've turned them all down. Partly to keep focus on my healing, and partly because I wasn't attracted to them. This woman is the 1st that I've felt really attracted to. I think my friend's suggestion to go out with her just gave me permission to take the step that I want to, but have been fearing might set me back.


----------



## Another Planet

evolver said:


> Thanks all. I can always count on TAM for good advice fast. I'm tempted to defend her on a few points, but I guess it doesn't change the suggested course of (in)action.
> 
> Ahh, I'm gonna defend her a bit. You can hit me with a 2x4, but I'm trying to learn here. A few things:
> 
> -It could be viewed as me blowing her off first. She approached me twice, and both times, I did not step forward. The first two, I wasn't feeling ready to date, and that almost certainly came across our conversation. In those moments, I wasn't even considering her a possibility. Even when she blatantly asked me out, I deflected and invited the group. This was all before I had my divorce papers.
> 
> -I still didn't step forward in the social media messaging before she went dark. I *****-footed around, trying to re-spark conversation without ever clearly stating my intentions.
> 
> -I wasn't sure of my intentions until our mutual friend suggested "You should go out with Ygritte". I then thought, yeah... I really should. She seems great and what am I waiting for?
> 
> -Pretty sure the sick thing was honest. She gave details she didn't have to. UTI would've made a climbing harness torture. She did ask for a reschedule.
> 
> -One of her vague-books was "I really love when people clearly state their intentions, in all areas of life". I don't know if that was for me, but it applies. I wasn't intentionally nice-guying her but I can see how I might have been confusing. I planned on making it very clear that I would like to be more than friends, right at the start of the date.
> 
> I guess none of this changes anything. I wanted to be clear though. Like I said, I'm trying to learn.


You are thinking too much, we all do it at one point not a big deal just you have to learn to take care of yourself. Spend that mental energy on yourself not her. Shes a big girl you don't need to save her from anything. You can do this with out being an Ahole too, it is an art form but with practice it comes easy in time and becomes a general way of life.

*
"I planned on making it very clear that I would like to be more than friends, right at the start of the date."*

You planned on it? Hmmmm.....you can do that at any point in time honestly, just state your intentions for dating. But you have to do it in a non creepy way...you can't sound like you are saying she is the one even though you haven't even dated yet lol


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, evolver, if you are so inclined to, ask her out again. If she blows you off a third time or simply never responds to you, please don't keep asking her out. For your own dignity.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah agree with Jelly - once could be true, twice is rude, three times is 'go f*ck yourself and stop wasting my time yo'


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Well, evolver, if you are so inclined to, ask her out again. If she blows you off a third time or simply never responds to you, please don't keep asking her out. For your own dignity.


I agree with the ladies, they are spot on... Dolly sums it up well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

SoVeryLost said:


> Nope, pretty average, ordinary girl over here. I think when people get desperate they tend to see the world through rose colored glasses.
> 
> He was working on a home project, and we hadn't chatted much at all, which is a-okay with me. We both have busy lives; I'm not one to watch the clock for correspondences.
> 
> At his suggestion we had become friends on facebook. He was posting pictures of his progress throughout the day on his home project, which showed up in my newsfeed of course. Also showing up in my newsfeed were pictures he had "liked" ...one aspect of facebook that I find a bit annoying actually. Most of the pics he was liking were of women, but that was just an observation - I wouldn't have cared if he was liking pictures of tree stumps.
> 
> When he messages me later that day, he tells me he just finished with his project and hasn't had a moment to sit down all day. I told him I noticed the pics of his project earlier in the day on facebook, that it looked like he did a good job, etc. He tells me he doesn't know how it's possible I saw those pics because he just posted them. I said no...you posted them a few hours ago. He is adamant that's not possible because he was outside all day. At this point I'm thinking, "what a dumb thing to lie about...you can't fake a timestamp on facebook." So then I say I saw his photo "likes" of those women throughout the day in my newsfeed too, and I could see he was online, so no big deal, but don't lie about being online. Who cares?? And then he says I'm being "demanding" and explains that the photo likes were of women he is friends with. I tell him I don't care who they are, that it doesn't bother me in the least that he liked photos of women on facebook he is friends with, but I point out that he just admitted to "liking" the photos throughout the day! Lot of drama for an almost 40-year-old man, for no reason whatsoever. And that, folks, is why you abstain from facebook friendships with dates!
> 
> To answer your question....I did tell him no.


How weird - lies about the project photos, then admits to being on FB during the day right after he said he wasn't?!?! And he sees you as being demanding simply because you caught him in a lie and were clarifying? 

Big ole red flag. I get it that the women's photos were irrelevant tho odd if he didn't like any other photos. Is it because his guy friends didn't post any or he has primarily female friends on FB?

I like to look at their friend assortment - if it's 90% women then I just assume he's either a) hard to please so he keeps looking or b) doesn't want to commit or c) immature/juvenile because he just wants photos of hot women on his page/in his feed to make him feel manly.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> Yeah agree with Jelly - once could be true, twice is rude, three times is '*go f*ck yourself and stop wasting my time yo*'


Haha perfect response. :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I disagree because of this:
> 
> *He was clear about wanting to hang with her.* She has blatantly blown him off twice now and one time cancelled just a few house before a date.


Hang with =/= date. Hang with = hang with. I think his earlier behavior sent the message that he wasn't interested in her romantically (deflecting her ask-out by inviting the whole group), and if he wants that dynamic to change, he needs to change it.

But I agree with you, if Ygritte blows him off on this ask, then she's toast.


----------



## SoVeryLost

EnjoliWoman said:


> How weird - lies about the project photos, then admits to being on FB during the day right after he said he wasn't?!?! And he sees you as being demanding simply because you caught him in a lie and were clarifying?
> 
> Big ole red flag. I get it that the women's photos were irrelevant tho odd if he didn't like any other photos. Is it because his guy friends didn't post any or he has primarily female friends on FB?
> 
> I like to look at their friend assortment - if it's 90% women then I just assume he's either a) hard to please so he keeps looking or b) doesn't want to commit or c) immature/juvenile because he just wants photos of hot women on his page/in his feed to make him feel manly.


I didn't even look at his friend assortment actually. I'll have to do this in the future out of curiosity. I did notice that he had around 800 friends, but when his birthday rolled around a couple of weeks ago, I saw that only about 25 of his friends wished him a happy birthday. I always find that odd...it's as if people have to collect friends in order to feel accepted, but rarely do they have real relationships with these people. I like to clean house every now and then on facebook and only allow people I actually interact with access to my life. But that's neither here nor there.

He's never been married, no kids, but did spend a good portion of the date explaining a recent blowout with one of his good friends, who happens to be female. He apparently disciplined her children while visiting her at her home, and she did not take kindly to it. Another huge red flag. I've never introduced anyone to my son, so I can't say I know how I'd react, but I guarantee there was more to the story than he was letting on based on how he described her reaction. 

Definite "next" on this one!


----------



## unsure78

SoVeryLost said:


> I didn't even look at his friend assortment actually. I'll have to do this in the future out of curiosity. I did notice that he had around 800 friends, but when his birthday rolled around a couple of weeks ago, I saw that only about 25 of his friends wished him a happy birthday. I always find that odd...it's as if people have to collect friends in order to feel accepted, but rarely do they have real relationships with these people. I like to clean house every now and then on facebook and only allow people I actually interact with access to my life. But that's neither here nor there.
> 
> He's never been married, no kids, but did spend a good portion of the date explaining a recent blowout with one of his good friends, who happens to be female. He apparently disciplined her children while visiting her at her home, and she did not take kindly to it. Another huge red flag. I've never introduced anyone to my son, so I can't say I know how I'd react, but I guarantee there was more to the story than he was letting on based on how he described her reaction.
> 
> Definite "next" on this one!


I often do the fb friends check as well...I agree with enjolis summary of it....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SoVeryLost

unsure78 said:


> I often do the fb friends check as well...I agree with enjolis summary of it....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm going to have to review my friend assortment now and see what it's saying about me....


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> Is infactuation where you are, in fact, infatuated?  :rofl:
> 
> (Sorry, couldn't resist.)


Yeah it happens, but it's best for it not to. These little crushes. It also happened in the past when I was married - also robbed me of the desire for my wife for a night (at most a week). It robbed me of my mood for my FWB last night too.

But then it fades, the face fades, and so does the crush and it's back to normal. Now I'm not exactly committed to my FWB but since I'm single when these little crushes happen I know if I do take her out I'll get emotionally attached and want more.

A few months ago sure I would go for it but nowadays it's a nuisance as I already have all I could want without any of the BS. Same mentality when I was married - some temptations are just not worth indulging.

Face is fading this morning so I should be fine unless I go to the same store today which I won't.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Adding a date to Facebook is such a no no to me.


----------



## moxy

On the online dating site that I use, I got a bunch of very persistent messages from a very attractive young man who wanted to date me. I said that he was too young. He kept asking. Finally he asked if I would just be his birthday date because he thought that would make his 21st birthday the best ever. And then he asked in such adorably descriptive terms, too. Oh, the guilt in denying someone a birthday gift! However, in no world would I even consider dating or even banging someone fifteen years my junior. I would just not feel right. I encouraged him to find someone younger. He was very disappointed. I felt like a jerk and a creep at the same time. However, it made me realize that before my exh, when I was in my twenties, I had a sense of romance and optimism and hopefulness that was delightful; I don't know if it's the divorce process, the betrayal, or age that's knocked it out of me. I prefer older men, but the ones who ask me out usually aren't. I hope this kid finds someone who will be a great girlfriend to him and who has the same innocence in her approach to love.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> On the online dating site that I use, I got a bunch of very persistent messages from a very attractive young man who wanted to date me. I said that he was too young. He kept asking. Finally he asked if I would just be his birthday date because he thought that would make his 21st birthday the best ever. And then he asked in such adorably descriptive terms, too. Oh, the guilt in denying someone a birthday gift! However, in no world would I even consider dating or even banging someone fifteen years my junior. I would just not feel right. I encouraged him to find someone younger. He was very disappointed. I felt like a jerk and a creep at the same time. However, it made me realize that before my exh, when I was in my twenties, I had a sense of romance and optimism and hopefulness that was delightful; I don't know if it's the divorce process, the betrayal, or age that's knocked it out of me. I hope this kid finds someone who will be a great girlfriend to him and who has *the same innocence in her approach to love.[*/QUOTE]
> 
> Isn't that the truth....poor young love before they know the feeling of having your heart ripped out and your world decimated.


----------



## Vanton68

moxy said:


> I was under the impression that the woman in question was being hot and cold, rather than going dark. If she's straight up avoiding and ignoring, then don't keep reaching out (unless you've got something to apologize for, OP). If it's the mixed signals, I'd say don't give up. It took hearing the words "let me in" before I gave in to the possibility of feelings; it was then that I thought they might not be unwanted. Are you being hot and cold with her, too, OP?


Different women
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Meh, it sounds like you have plenty of other options keeping you busy. I'd forget about her and focus on the women who are making themselves available to you in the way you want/need. Hot make-out sessions trump flaky broads any day.


True
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> True
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I assumed as much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, lust. Killing common sense brain cells since the beginning of time.



Haha , bout sums it up :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> No not my GF. Other then the handful of pics on her profile within a few weeks she had sent me more. I knew what she looked like beforehand.
> I am a very vain person and looks are important to me so any profile without a pic was passed over immediately UNLESS for some reason something quickly caught my eye...even then I would need some form of confirmation on her physical appearance.



Ah hu. Yeah l wish l could stick to that rule. One reason l try to stay open though was bc T didn't have a pic and it took a wk before she sent me one but hooley dooley , she was a stunner.
She reckons she just got too much sh!t if she put pics in.


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Nope, pretty average, ordinary girl over here. I think when people get desperate they tend to see the world through rose colored glasses.


Ouch thanks for the rose colored insult :lol:


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> Ouch thanks for the rose colored insult :lol:


My comment was made in reference to my most recent disaster of a date, not you. It's not as if you and I have ever met.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> My comment was made in reference to my most recent disaster of a date, not you. It's not as if you and I have ever met.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Still, you may have nailed something about my personality. I tend to view things romantically. Maybe it was my nonstop reading of Greek tragedies as a child that affected this.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> Still, you may have nailed something about my personality. I tend to view things romantically. Maybe it was my nonstop reading of Greek tragedies as a child that affected this.


Maybe, like many of us, you've lived a life that unfolded differently than you originally anticipated. Though through the heartache and disappointment, a part of you holds onto the ideal of love. Of soulmates. You romanticized a connection you believed existed because internally, on an intimate level, it reminded you of what you once believed was possible with a woman. And perhaps she shared that desire, that ideology, but logistically perhaps you were simply not meant to be due to life's circumstances. Just taking a stab in the dark here.

In any event, it seems you've moved on from this woman given your recent activities as described on this thread. She couldn't have had too much of an impact on you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Maybe, like many of us, you've lived a life that unfolded differently than you originally anticipated. Though through the heartache and disappointment, a part of you holds onto the ideal of love. Of soulmates. You romanticized a connection you believed existed because internally, on an intimate level, it reminded you of what you once believed was possible with a woman. And perhaps she shared that desire, that ideology, but logistically perhaps you were simply not meant to be due to life's circumstances. Just taking a stab in the dark here.
> 
> In any event, it seems you've moved on from this woman given your recent activities as described on this thread. She couldn't have had too much of an impact on you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG you couldn't be MORE WRONG, I had romanticized that young lady to where I was willing to seriously change my life just to see if we could have a chance. Something about her seemed so different than anyone else. She gave me butterflies every time we were in contact. Maybe i was foolishly believing in fate (some people believe in God, Energies, Spirits), I just believe that fate sometimes gives opportunities that you have to take a chance with or you will miss out on "it". And if any of you TAMers want to give me crap about fate, make sure you check your beliefs system first.

Just because I use women to fill voids in my life, or accept what is attractive and available has nothing to do with the impact that she had on me. I would never look at another woman if I was with her.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> OMG you couldn't be MORE WRONG, I had romanticized that young lady to where I was willing to seriously change my life just to see if we could have a chance. Something about her seemed so different than anyone else. She gave me butterflies every time we were in contact. Maybe i was foolishly believing in fate (some people believe in God, Energies, Spirits), I just believe that fate sometimes gives opportunities that you have to take a chance with or you will miss out on "it". And if any of you TAMers want to give me crap about fate, make sure you check your beliefs system first.
> 
> Just because I use women to fill voids in my life, or accept what is attractive and available has nothing to do with the impact that she had on me. I would never look at another woman if I was with her.


Understandable. Though I wonder if she ever knew you were actively pursuing connections with other women if she would be able to trust you until your situations could change in order for you to be together. What's the likelihood she's on TAM though? I'm sure you're safe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Vanton68 said:


> OMG you couldn't be MORE WRONG, *I had romanticized that young lady to where I was willing to seriously change my life just to see if we could have a chance*. Something about her seemed so different than anyone else. She gave me butterflies every time we were in contact. Maybe i was foolishly believing in fate (some people believe in God, Energies, Spirits), I just believe that fate sometimes gives opportunities that you have to take a chance with or you will miss out on "it". And if any of you TAMers want to give me crap about fate, make sure you check your beliefs system first.
> 
> Just because I use women to fill voids in my life, or accept what is attractive and available has nothing to do with the impact that she had on me. I would never look at another woman if I was with her.


Red flag buddy. Red flag.


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Understandable. Though I wonder if she ever knew you were actively pursuing connections with other women if she would be able to trust you until your situations could change in order for you to be together. What's the likelihood she's on TAM though? I'm sure you're safe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


1. She should trust me as I am an open book to her. I have the ability to change my location to make a relationship easier for us, but she would have to give me some hope that I'm not going to be stuck in someplace without even having had a true shot at her. I've tried to talk to her about trying a relationship. like i said I WOULD NEVER look at another woman while she gave me a chance. I think (maybe I didn't) that I conveyed that I was infatuated and badly wanted to have a shot with her. Honestly I care so much about being strong and decisive around everyone, but I don't even make her break down one wall. If she wants my heart she can have it.

2. While she is engaged with me, I don't even care to talk to other women. IN FACT, UNTIL SHE CUT ME OFF I had neglected to text or call anyone. I was getting nasty texts about being a jerk and player because I just stopped responding to anyone else. The few days we were talking this last time. As soon as she cut me off I go back to doing the same old things. But I would honestly give it up for one chance. Call it my belief in fate that drives me.


----------



## Vanton68

06Daddio08 said:


> Red flag buddy. Red flag.


I know. But she is my drug of choice. If I was able to choose. I still have healthy relationships mixed in with casual relationships, but it would be nice to know what could happen between us.


----------



## Another Planet

Vanton68 said:


> I know. *But she is my drug of choice*. If I was able to choose. I still have healthy relationships mixed in with casual relationships, but it would be nice to know what could happen between us.


Isn't that crazy how we do that...


----------



## RandomDude

And tis why I avoid complicated butterfly-giving ladies like the plague, and stick to the simple rubbings of genitalia with my FWB!

Tis hard sometimes though, that look in your crush's eyes that makes you question "what if", giving you butterflies that makes you hope, makes you imagine possibilities and ignore the risk each and every time. 

Infactuation sickens me now, yet it's in our nature. It's the single most accepted lie in the cosmos, the lie which leads to marriage and as a result divorce. It all starts with these emotions.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm down for the butterflies and the risk, nothing wrong with being vulnerable. As long as boundaries are in place.


----------



## Vanton68

RandomDude said:


> And tis why I avoid complicated butterfly-giving ladies like the plague, and stick to the simple rubbings of genitalia with my FWB!
> 
> Tis hard sometimes though, that look in your crush's eyes that makes you question "what if", giving you butterflies that makes you hope, makes you imagine possibilities and ignore the risk each and every time.
> 
> Infactuation sickens me now, yet it's in our nature. It's the single most accepted lie in the cosmos, the lie which leads to marriage and as a result divorce. It all starts with these emotions.


Until some woman breaks my heart again, I guess I'll just keep believing in fate. Because if it's just sex, then where is the passion? Without passion, what's the point? I'm too passionate to let go of the ideal that I believe exists. Sure I could harden up and never get hurt again, but what if I missed out on that girl who wasn't going to break my heart?


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Understandable. Though I wonder if she ever knew you were actively pursuing connections with other women if she would be able to trust you until your situations could change in order for you to be together. What's the likelihood she's on TAM though? I'm sure you're safe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All she would have to do is tell me what she wants from me. Trust... I would give her everything she could possibly need or want to trust me. She can have anything she needs


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> Until some woman breaks my heart again, I guess I'll just keep believing in fate. Because if it's just sex, then where is the passion? Without passion, what's the point? I'm too passionate to let go of the ideal that I believe exists. Sure I could harden up and never get hurt again, but what if I missed out on that girl who wasn't going to break my heart?


Maybe it's her who doesn't believe that you won't break her heart.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> All she would have to do is tell me what she wants from me. Trust... I would give her everything she could possibly need or want to trust me. She can have anything she needs


After what you just wrote about filling the voids in your life with other women? Because they happen to be available? I get it, I do. We're all human - I'm not faulting you for that in any way, shape, or form. But that doesn't exactly inspire trust.


----------



## Nsweet

evolver said:


> A few hours before our date, she texts me. *She's sick and needs to cancel, but asks to reschedule.* I reply with "aww, I'm sorry to hear that but I understand. How about same time next weekend?" No reply. That was Sunday. This is Wednesday. She's been vague-booking about something. Could be about me, probably not... too vague to tell. If she never got my reply, it could fit though. Either way, she's upset about something. Mutual friend thinks she's depressed, which wouldn't surprise me considering I'm a magnet for people like that, and I'm subconsciously attracted to them as well.
> 
> So how does awesome, confident, non-needy me handle this situation? Continue waiting and risk loosing the opportunity due to technical foul? Message her and see what's up? Maybe something slightly ****y but attempting humor like "Did my reply not go through, or are you waiting for the pony express to deliver your invitation... 'cause I can totally make that happen" *followed by a picture of me riding a horse taken last weekend*. Yeah, kinda lame but I'm in the weeds here.


She wasn't sick. She was either one a date or talking to someone she likes better than you and *she didn't want you calling her. *

Anytime you hear _"I'm sick"_ or _"I'm sleeping"_ through a text from a woman you're pursuing and it seems really odd, chances are you're being rejected. Like she tells you she's sick on a Friday night when you know she likes to go out drinking with her friends, or if she tells you she's going to be sleeping all next week and doesn't want to be bothered. Anytime you hear some BS telling you not to call her at all.... Yeah, that's a dead giveaway. 

Don't give this one another chance! She's playing that cheater's game with you wanting to have you on standby while she's dating someone else. I'm willing to bet she wasn't the only one cheating in her past relationship either. She's just a little too good with those passive excuses.


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> Maybe it's her who doesn't believe that you won't break her heart.


She certainly would be wrong about that. I would rather hurt than to hurt her. I just would never break her heart. It's not possible that I would do something to break her heart


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> After what you just wrote about filling the voids in your life with other women? Because they happen to be available? I get it, I do. We're all human - I'm not faulting you for that in any way, shape, or form. But that doesn't exactly inspire trust.


Trust? I am human and I enjoy dating and like being wanted. Maybe she doesn't get the fact that I would stop everything for her, that I don't need that extra stuff, but it fills a void and keeps me distracted.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> Trust? I am human and I enjoy dating and like being wanted. Maybe she doesn't get the fact that I would stop everything for her, that I don't need that extra stuff, but it fills a void and keeps me distracted.


I don't think she gets that fact at all.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Or she does and doesn't want it.


----------



## Nsweet

evolver said:


> -It could be viewed as me blowing her off first. She approached me twice, and both times, I did not step forward. The first two, I wasn't feeling ready to date, and that almost certainly came across our conversation. In those moments, I wasn't even considering her a possibility. Even when she blatantly asked me out, I deflected and invited the group. This was all before I had my divorce papers.
> 
> -I still didn't step forward in the social media messaging before she went dark. I *****-footed around, trying to re-spark conversation without ever clearly stating my intentions.
> 
> -I wasn't sure of my intentions until our mutual friend suggested "You should go out with Ygritte". I then thought, yeah... I really should. She seems great and what am I waiting for?
> 
> -Pretty sure the sick thing was honest. She gave details she didn't have to. UTI would've made a climbing harness torture. She did ask for a reschedule.
> 
> -One of her vague-books was "I really love when people clearly state their intentions, in all areas of life". I don't know if that was for me, but it applies. I wasn't intentionally nice-guying her but I can see how I might have been confusing. I planned on making it very clear that I would like to be more than friends, right at the start of the date.
> 
> I guess none of this changes anything. I wanted to be clear though. Like I said, I'm trying to learn.


-If you weren't ready to date, you weren't ready to date. 

-Are you trying to find someone for yourself or your friends?

-Does telling you of her UTI sound like too much information? Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. 

-"I really love when people clearly state their intentions, in all areas of life". Funny how she doesn't follow that rule herself. 

Honestly, I think you should chalk this up as a learning experience and move on. *You do not have to make a long term relationship out of the first woman you kinda connect with.* And with this woman you don't really have enough of a connection to go anywhere. Just friends maybe. 

At least you got back out there and made an attempt to meet someone new. That's progress!


----------



## evolver

Jellybeans said:


> Well, evolver, if you are so inclined to, ask her out again. If she blows you off a third time or simply never responds to you, please don't keep asking her out. For your own dignity.


Absolutely. I was really mostly worried that she actually didn't get my text. I've had that problem before with tmobile. No point in pursuing someone who doesn't want to be pursued.

I talked to our mutual friend. She pretty much agreed with you all, but added "she's message-rude and is like this with everyone. I don't know why she responds to me". Then something about Ygritte being very submissive and her being dominant that I couldn't follow. 

I'm dropping it. If she gets back to me, I'll have to decide what to do in the moment because I'm not spending any more energy on her now.

Thanks again.


----------



## movealong

Well, I took my first chance at rejection, lol! I asked a lady out from the dating site. Now to see what happens.  I am excited either way.


----------



## Nsweet

movealong said:


> Well, I took my first chance at rejection, lol! I asked a lady out from the dating site. Now to see what happens.  I am excited either way.


If she says "yes" you have the chance to be with her. But if she says "no" you have the chance to be with thousands of other women. Rejection or acceptation, either way you have good things happening.


----------



## movealong

Nsweet said:


> If she says "yes" you have the chance to be with her. But if she says "no" you have the chance to be with thousands of other women. Rejection or acceptation, either way you have good things happening.


Just the fact that I am confident enough to ask is a big step forward. Somehow it is less intimidating online than in person. But, I am working towards asking in person. One step at a time.


----------



## Nsweet

movealong said:


> Just the fact that I am confident enough to ask is a big step forward. Somehow it is less intimidating online than in person. But, I am working towards asking in person. One step at a time.


Just try to get them to go out with you as soon as you can. A few days minimum, 2 weeks maximum. I speak from experience here and you do not want to sit back and lose your moment. 

How may I ask are you asking these women out online?


----------



## RandomDude

movealong said:


> Just the fact that I am confident enough to ask is a big step forward. Somehow it is less intimidating online than in person. But, I am working towards asking in person. One step at a time.


It's just a comfort zone thing, once you get past it you'll be fine. After marriage I lost alot of my youthful nerve and resorted to online dating and then to meetup.com etc

However I eventually pushed myself to approach random ladies in person (who tend to be 10x hotter) and managed to get back my confidence. As a result I gained a ton of options! I'm rather lazy now though as I have a very good FWB so my desires are met.



Vanton68 said:


> Until some woman breaks my heart again, I guess I'll just keep believing in fate. Because if it's just sex, then where is the passion? Without passion, what's the point? I'm too passionate to let go of the ideal that I believe exists. Sure I could harden up and never get hurt again, but what if I missed out on that girl who wasn't going to break my heart?


Yeah guess it's not for everyone, for me it's not just about not getting hurt again, it's also not destroying someone else in the process of pursuing an ideal. I destroyed my wife over the course of our marriage. I'm simply not LTR material! Hence ramming the ladies without getting mine or their emotions involved works out for the best!


----------



## Dollystanford

Vanton68 said:


> She certainly would be wrong about that. I would rather hurt than to hurt her. I just would never break her heart. It's not possible that I would do something to break her heart


Hmmmm this is all very well but don't forget that most of us have heard something like this before. 

How well do you actually know this woman? I only ask because you're talking about her in terms that could only be described as obsessive. If a guy was putting me on a pedestal it would make me run in the other direction. Because who can possibly live up to that long term?

I don't want someone to sacrifice everything for me and supplicate at my feet - I want an equal partner and all the challenge and difficulty and joy that comes along with it.


----------



## moxy

I don't mind a bit supplication at my feet in a short term thing. 

However, in the long term, egalitarian or complementary partnerships are better.


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't get me wrong - I totally want to be adored...but by someone with a real edge, don't let me get too comfortable in your adoration, kwim?


----------



## ne9907

So Vegas fun continues. My infactuation with army guy is gone. He is supe cool and its rather sad that we dont live close to each other bc he would make an excellent friends with benefits.
So I went to see a mentalist show. At the beginning of the show, I received n index card and was told to write my full name, questions I wanted answered and an important date.
So I wrote a question about ex boyfriend (who I think I love)
Another question about whether blue eyes and I would last and
Last question was whether I would fall in love again.
The entire audience deposited our index cards in a sealed container at.the very front of the stage.
Midway down the show, the mentalist taped his eyes shut, put a blindfold over them and announced he would bwgin to feel emotions from innanimate objects (the audience's index cards.
He had an assistant open the box, he began to pick index cards and crumpled them with his hands.
He did his mind play on a woman, then a man, then he called my name and last name!
I was stoked yet aprehensive, he first said he could sense I had been divorced for a couple of years, then he asked who (old boyfriend's name) was. I said a friend, then he asked if I was there with my boyfriend. 
I said no, just a friend. The mentalist playfully joked that he (army guy) was a fwb. He then asked who (blue eyes name) was. I replied just a friend.
Finally he was able to correctly tell me the.date I wrote down. My anniversary date.
He also said that I would fall in love again.
I am definitely not giving the attention to detail or justice the entire.event deserves. It was surreal.
It was amazing, although the mentalist sort of implied I was a ****!
I am joking!!! It was great


----------



## Vanton68

SoVeryLost said:


> I don't think she gets that fact at all.


Well she is missing my point of my trying to stay in her life.


----------



## Vanton68

ne9907 said:


> So Vegas fun continues. My infactuation with army guy is gone. He is supe cool and its rather sad that we dont live close to each other bc he would make an excellent friends with benefits.
> So I went to see a mentalist show. At the beginning of the show, I received n index card and was told to write my full name, questions I wanted answered and an important date.
> So I wrote a question about ex boyfriend (who I think I love)
> Another question about whether blue eyes and I would last and
> Last question was whether I would fall in love again.
> The entire audience deposited our index cards in a sealed container at.the very front of the stage.
> Midway down the show, the mentalist taped his eyes shut, put a blindfold over them and announced he would bwgin to feel emotions from innanimate objects (the audience's index cards.
> He had an assistant open the box, he began to pick index cards and crumpled them with his hands.
> He did his mind play on a woman, then a man, then he called my name and last name!
> I was stoked yet aprehensive, he first said he could sense I had been divorced for a couple of years, then he asked who (old boyfriend's name) was. I said a friend, then he asked if I was there with my boyfriend.
> I said no, just a friend. The mentalist playfully joked that he (army guy) was a fwb. He then asked who (blue eyes name) was. I replied just a friend.
> Finally he was able to correctly tell me the.date I wrote down. My anniversary date.
> He also said that I would fall in love again.
> I am definitely not giving the attention to detail or justice the entire.event deserves. It was surreal.
> It was amazing, although the mentalist sort of implied I was a ****!
> I am joking!!! It was great


So he figured you out!


----------



## Fenix

Vanton68 said:


> Plus breaking people with attitude is always fun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh, no.
:scratchhead:


----------



## Fenix

I just don't like the concept of breaking someone...at all. It reeks of gamesmanship. But, I am older and have been through the ringer, so am fairly aggressively wysiwyg.

I'll stay with no.

Lots of heavy stuff on here this morning.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Haha, wow.

Annnnnnnnd I'm out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanton68

why? Anyway goodnight TAM


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dollystanford said:


> Don't get me wrong - I totally want to be adored...but by someone with a real edge, don't let me get too comfortable in your adoration, kwim?


So ... you don't want a Stage 5 Clinger?


----------



## SoVeryLost

Vanton68 said:


> why? Anyway goodnight TAM


Because I can't exactly continue doing NC with you while we're both on TAM. And that's fine. I'll be the one to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## movealong

Nsweet said:


> Just try to get them to go out with you as soon as you can. A few days minimum, 2 weeks maximum. I speak from experience here and you do not want to sit back and lose your moment.
> 
> How may I ask are you asking these women out online?


So far I have only asked the one woman out. She lives relatively close to me, so after a few emails I said "I am new to online dating and I am not sure of the etiquette, so I am just going to jump in. If you feel comfortable with it, we can meet for conversation and dinner. Generic Restaurant in Generic town has great food. We could meet there. With your busy schedule I am sure weekends are difficult to take off, so weekday evenings work for me."

And I left it at that. I tried to be as straightforward as possible without sounding nice guy-ish. It is pretty cut and dry, so either she will or she won't. And as I said, I am fine either way.


----------



## Jellybeans

Vanton68 said:


> why? Anyway goodnight TAM





SoVeryLost said:


> Because I can't exactly continue doing NC with you while we're both on TAM. And that's fine. I'll be the one to go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hold up. What is going on?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Hold up. What is going on?


Exactly what it looks like and it doesn't need to go any further on here.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah...



RandomDude said:


> And tis why I avoid complicated butterfly-giving ladies like the plague, and stick to the simple rubbings of genitalia with my FWB!


:rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

movealong said:


> So far I have only asked the one woman out. She lives relatively close to me, so after a few emails I said "I am new to online dating and I am not sure of the etiquette, so I am just going to jump in. *If you feel comfortable with it, we can meet for conversation and dinner.* Generic Restaurant in Generic town has great food. We could meet there. With your busy schedule I am sure weekends are difficult to take off, so weekday evenings work for me."
> 
> And I left it at that. I tried to be as straightforward as possible without sounding nice guy-ish. It is pretty cut and dry, so either she will or she won't. And as I said, I am fine either way.


Too soon. You came off sounding insecure about dating and might have drawn too much attention to her comfort level. "If you feel comfortable" puts a lot of pressure on her and may remind her that she may not feel comfortable meeting you so soon.

Try this in the future. As soon as you get contact and establish a little rapport keep building up the excitement until it peaks and then get an email address, skype username, or ask her if you can add her to your black book (or whatever it's called) on your dating profile. For the next few days keep in contact with her at your usual time, not too much or too often, and keep up the excitement. After about a day or two, two to err on the safe side, you can trade phone numbers. You go from there texting or talking, usually it's texting until she feels comfortable talking to you (it may be an age thing). After about a week or so then you can ask her out, but when you do so you have to keep as much pressure off of her as possible. Suggest meeting over coffee or lunch, something she knows won't take too long and that she can walk away from. And when you ask you have to be ready to be rejected, so don't act like it's a big deal if she says yes or no. 

Remember, the first date is an interview for both of you. You're both going to be nervous about talking and meeting for the first time. That's ok, it's alright to feel anxious. But you're going to have to stand strong if you're rejected and tell her that you agree with her decision. Basically take all pressure off of her meeting you and not make a big deal out of rejection, because you know it doesn't feel good to reject anyone. Unless she's a total b!tch who is only concerned with herself, she's probably going to feel a little guilty about it.


----------



## Nsweet

Dollystanford said:


> Don't get me wrong - I totally want to be adored...but by someone with a real edge, don't let me get too comfortable in your adoration, kwim?


Yep, don't invest too much of yourself in anyone who doesn't deserve it.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> Well, I took my first chance at rejection, lol! I asked a lady out from the dating site. Now to see what happens.  I am excited either way.


Good now do it with 30 more you think might fight the mold. Don't be surprised if you only get a response from 2 or 3, then chat it up with them and if something sparks ask her out then go from there.


----------



## Nsweet

So you're a good guy who wants to find that one special someone he can to trust and be there for her 100%. I get that, I really do, but it takes time to earn trust on both sides. People don't tend to appreciate anything they get without working for it either. 

You may be willing to share all of yourself and prove that you're faithful, honest, and dependable right now.... And that may be just what she's looking for, but hearing those words is one thing, demonstrating them over time is another. 

What I'm saying is that it's great that you believe in fate and be the perfect man for her or some other lucky woman, but take your time getting to know them before you fully show them that you're willing to do anything for them.


----------



## moxy

Hearing about the other side's experiences with and thoughts on online dating is enlightening. I tend to get a lot of people who seem nice but start trolling for sex or naked photos early on. Most of my friends who are women say the same thing. It's disheartening, sometimes. Don't get me wrong; sex is awesome, but it's more awesome when you care about the person with whom you're having it, at least a little.


----------



## movealong

Nsweet said:


> Too soon. You came off sounding insecure about dating and might have drawn too much attention to her comfort level. "If you feel comfortable" puts a lot of pressure on her and may remind her that she may not feel comfortable meeting you so soon.


Interesting. I didn't consider it to be insecure on my part. Actually quite the opposite. I saw it more as 
Hey, we have a lot in common and I am secure in myself enough to ask. Are you secure enough in yourself to give it a try?"



Nsweet said:


> Try this in the future. As soon as you get contact and establish a little rapport keep building up the excitement until it peaks and then get an email address, skype username, or ask her if you can add her to your black book (or whatever it's called) on your dating profile. For the next few days keep in contact with her at your usual time, not too much or too often, and keep up the excitement. After about a day or two, two to err on the safe side, you can trade phone numbers. You go from there texting or talking, usually it's texting until she feels comfortable talking to you (it may be an age thing). After about a week or so then you can ask her out, but when you do so you have to keep as much pressure off of her as possible. Suggest meeting over coffee or lunch, something she knows won't take too long and that she can walk away from. And when you ask you have to be ready to be rejected, so don't act like it's a big deal if she says yes or no.


I will give this a try on another woman that I just contacted this morning. I woke up to a "wink" from her, and again she is relatively close by, so I winked back and sent her an email:



> Good morning!
> Thank you for the wink! That was nice to wake up to!
> 
> How long have you lived in Generic town?
> 
> Have a great day!


Her reply:



> Good morning, it is actually good night for me! Lol...I am a night shifter.
> I have been near Generic town for 5 yrs now. We bought our house out here.
> How long have you lived around here? Are you a day shifter? M-F?
> Name





> RE: Good morning!
> Yes, I work days M-F. I try to get in early so I can have the afternoons off to spend with my daughter. I am lucky in that I get to pretty much set my hours.
> 
> I have been in Generic town for seven years, but I grew up over in Generic town. I love the area and moved back as soon as I was able. I have a long commute, but it is worth it to live out a bit further from the chaos!
> 
> What do you do for fun around here? I mainly hang out with my daughter at the pool or Hawaiian Falls.
> 
> Name


I will put your advice to use on this one. 




Nsweet said:


> Remember, the first date is an interview for both of you. You're both going to be nervous about talking and meeting for the first time. That's ok, it's alright to feel anxious. But you're going to have to stand strong if you're rejected and tell her that you agree with her decision. Basically take all pressure off of her meeting you and not make a big deal out of rejection, because you know it doesn't feel good to reject anyone. Unless she's a total b!tch who is only concerned with herself, she's probably going to feel a little guilty about it.


Ehh, I am okay with rejection right now, truly. I am just getting back out there and I see it more as practice than perfection. I will get there eventually and I am in no hurry.


----------



## Dollystanford

Well I'm reading the last few pages in a totally different light now.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nsweet said:


> Too soon. You came off sounding insecure about dating and might have drawn too much attention to her comfort level. "If you feel comfortable" puts a lot of pressure on her and may remind her that she may not feel comfortable meeting you so soon.
> 
> Try this in the future. As soon as you get contact and establish a little rapport keep building up the excitement until it peaks and then get an email address, skype username, or ask her if you can add her to your black book (or whatever it's called) on your dating profile. For the next few days keep in contact with her at your usual time, not too much or too often, and keep up the excitement. After about a day or two, two to err on the safe side, you can trade phone numbers. You go from there texting or talking, usually it's texting until she feels comfortable talking to you (it may be an age thing). After about a week or so then you can ask her out, but when you do so you have to keep as much pressure off of her as possible. Suggest meeting over coffee or lunch, something she knows won't take too long and that she can walk away from. And when you ask you have to be ready to be rejected, so don't act like it's a big deal if she says yes or no.
> 
> Remember, the first date is an interview for both of you. You're both going to be nervous about talking and meeting for the first time. That's ok, it's alright to feel anxious. But you're going to have to stand strong if you're rejected and tell her that you agree with her decision. Basically take all pressure off of her meeting you and not make a big deal out of rejection, because you know it doesn't feel good to reject anyone. Unless she's a total b!tch who is only concerned with herself, she's probably going to feel a little guilty about it.


I disagree on the whole timeline. Emailing and phone calls are a waste of time if you then meet in a few weeks to find out there is zero attraction. (People do lie about stuff.) No need to invest that much energy, interest and excitement to find out her photos are 5 years old.

I find phone calls awkward. I can carry on an easy conversation in person but those first phone calls are difficult. That could just be me but based on the stilted conversation on the other end on those occasions I think it's true for a lot of people.

Don't ask if she's comfortable. She's on a freaking dating site so of course she wants to date. Women know to meet at a public location and drive themselves. Usually by the third date I know if I feel OK with giving them my address so they can pick me up for a date.

Just say right off after a few exchanges, "I'd love to meet you in person - is a weekday good for you? Meet me at [restaurant] at 6 on Wednesday - does that work for you?"

If conversation and easy and you want to see her again, don't extend the date - leave her (and you) wanting. After dinner say you enjoyed yourself but you have to get home to [let the dog out/finish a work thing/whatever] Walk her to her car and hug or kiss her goodbye and say you'd like to see her again. Gauge her response. If she says she'd like that, don't assume she does. Some women don't like confrontation and will say that and then ghost you. You can reach out the next day (not first thing) and say you had a good time - would she like to meet for _____ on ____day?"


----------



## moxy

Oh yeah, and never invite her to your house for sex before you've even met. She will think you are a creep. 

In all fairness, you're far ahead of plenty of the weirdos out there. Asking to meet early instead of delaying things is good if you've had a bit of back and forth rapport through messages.


----------



## Fenix

Nsweet said:


> Too soon. You came off sounding insecure about dating and might have drawn too much attention to her comfort level. "If you feel comfortable" puts a lot of pressure on her and may remind her that she may not feel comfortable meeting you so soon.
> 
> Try this in the future. As soon as you get contact and establish a little rapport keep building up the excitement until it peaks and then get an email address, skype username, or ask her if you can add her to your black book (or whatever it's called) on your dating profile. For the next few days keep in contact with her at your usual time, not too much or too often, and keep up the excitement. After about a day or two, two to err on the safe side, you can trade phone numbers. You go from there texting or talking, usually it's texting until she feels comfortable talking to you (it may be an age thing). After about a week or so then you can ask her out, but when you do so you have to keep as much pressure off of her as possible. Suggest meeting over coffee or lunch, something she knows won't take too long and that she can walk away from. And when you ask you have to be ready to be rejected, so don't act like it's a big deal if she says yes or no.
> 
> Remember, the first date is an interview for both of you. You're both going to be nervous about talking and meeting for the first time. That's ok, it's alright to feel anxious. But you're going to have to stand strong if you're rejected and tell her that you agree with her decision. Basically take all pressure off of her meeting you and not make a big deal out of rejection, because you know it doesn't feel good to reject anyone. Unless she's a total b!tch who is only concerned with herself, she's probably going to feel a little guilty about it.


Meh. I think you did fine, Movealong. Just fine.


----------



## movealong

Fenix said:


> Meh. I think you did fine, Movealong. Just fine.


Well, it must have come across the way I intended it. She agreed and now we need to work out the day/time. Hmmm....this is pretty cool. :smthumbup:


----------



## movealong

moxy said:


> Oh yeah, and never invite her to your house for sex before you've even met. She will think you are a creep.
> 
> In all fairness, you're far ahead of plenty of the weirdos out there. Asking to meet early instead of delaying things is good if you've had a bit of back and forth rapport through messages.


:lol: :iagree: :rofl: 

You should have to clean up my desk and monitor! I was taking a drink of water when I read that!! LOL


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet, buddy, not everything has to be some to the point scheduled chain of events. E-mail? Skype? Building the excitement continuously?

All you have to do is have a genuine interest, which means asking some legit questions. If she (or he) also asks questions to keep the conversation alive, that's all that is needed.

Anyone who doesn't seem interested either isn't or hasn't gotten to that point in their life to believe that someone could be genuinely interested in them. There is no need to try and prove preemptively that you're anything other than who you are.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> Well, it must have come across the way I intended it. She agreed and now we need to work out the day/time. Hmmm....this is pretty cool. :smthumbup:


Good. Don't over think it.  Just know your boundaries and keep your self respect and you will do fine.


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> Good. Don't over think it.  Just know your boundaries and keep your self respect and you will do fine.


Agreed. It's about having fun, not ensuring an outcome -- at least, in my opinion.

I enjoy the hell out of flirting with guys online. Every now and again, something a little bit more real will emerge. Then, it either devolves into questions of sex or someone getting nervous or demanding and backing away. I've been less excited by the online people I've met because I'm all gaga over my...whatever this guy is...at the moment. However, I like posting about my weirder exchanges with people. 

Interestingly, every guy I've ever been involved with has been someone I met online and then later in person -- except Guy. Also, every involvement I've had with anyone has involved components of long distance that later became proximity; this thing I'm doing now is different, which is why it's gotten me all mixed up. 

Anyhow, I think that moving things from online/text to person does a lot to determine whether there's any compatibility or chemistry between people. Sometimes, people are great friends, but there is no chemistry. Sometimes, it's all chemistry and no connection. Strange, but when you meet someone in person, so many subtle things just fall into place -- or not. So, good luck on your date!!


----------



## caladan

moxy said:


> Oh yeah, and never invite her to your house for sex before you've even met. You are a creep.


Fixed this for you.


----------



## caladan

movealong said:


> You should have to clean up my desk and monitor!


Oooer


----------



## Another Planet

EnjoliWoman said:


> I disagree on the whole timeline. Emailing and phone calls are a waste of time if you then meet in a few weeks to find out there is zero attraction. (People do lie about stuff.) No need to invest that much energy, interest and excitement to find out her photos are 5 years old.
> 
> I find phone calls awkward. I can carry on an easy conversation in person but those first phone calls are difficult. That could just be me but based on the stilted conversation on the other end on those occasions I think it's true for a lot of people.
> 
> Don't ask if she's comfortable. She's on a freaking dating site so of course she wants to date. Women know to meet at a public location and drive themselves. Usually by the third date I know if I feel OK with giving them my address so they can pick me up for a date.
> 
> Just say right off after a few exchanges, "I'd love to meet you in person - is a weekday good for you? Meet me at [restaurant] at 6 on Wednesday - does that work for you?"
> 
> If conversation and easy and you want to see her again, don't extend the date - leave her (and you) wanting. After dinner say you enjoyed yourself but you have to get home to [let the dog out/finish a work thing/whatever] Walk her to her car and hug or kiss her goodbye and say you'd like to see her again. Gauge her response. If she says she'd like that, don't assume she does. Some women don't like confrontation and will say that and then ghost you. You can reach out the next day (not first thing) and say you had a good time - would she like to meet for _____ on ____day?"


That's about sums it up


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Hearing about the other side's experiences with and thoughts on online dating is enlightening. I tend to get a lot of people who seem nice but start trolling for sex or naked photos early on. Most of my friends who are women say the same thing. It's disheartening, sometimes. Don't get me wrong; sex is awesome, but it's more awesome when you care about the person with whom you're having it, at least a little.


For the record we are not all like that.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> For the record we are not all like that.



So I am discovering, by reading about y'all's experiences and thoughts. It's actually really encouraging to hear about men who aren't "players" or whatever.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> Interesting. I didn't consider it to be insecure on my part. Actually quite the opposite. I saw it more as
> Hey, we have a lot in common and I am secure in myself enough to ask. *Are you secure enough in yourself to give it a try?"*


You gotta stop that man. Don't say sh*t like that and don't think like that. She is an adult woman, she can make up her own mind and she will SHOW you it is just up to you to pick up on what she is laying down.
The bold is where the insecure vibe is coming from. Why are you questioning her?...plus it feels almost like a manipulation tactic.


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> You gotta stop that man. Don't say sh*t like that and don't think like that. She is an adult woman, she can make up her own mind and she will SHOW you it is just up to you to pick up on what she is laying down.
> The bold is where the insecure vibe is coming from. Why are you questioning her?...plus it feels almost like a manipulation tactic.


I see what you mean, but it wasn't how I was thinking about it. We had a good few emails, and I felt secure in asking. I wondered if she was secure enough to accept, but I would not say anything like that to her. I didn't see it as questioning her, but I can see how you would. I am learning and will adjust as I go along.

Thanks for the critiques everyone! It really is a help to have so many differing opinions and styles chiming in!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> So I am discovering, by reading about y'all's experiences and thoughts. It's actually really encouraging to hear about men who aren't "players" or whatever.


That might be a problem (hearing from them) as they don't tend to air personal relationship details and the ones that don't work out aren't a big deal.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> So I am discovering, by reading about y'all's experiences and thoughts. It's actually really encouraging to hear about men who aren't "players" or whatever.



Actually mox, even as a guy l would've thought that would've been the thing too. But after 18mths of internet clubs and now date site , women are much worse l think.
lt's not unusual for them to mention sex in their profiles , l mean givme a break. And if you read even through tam there's hardly a women post without sex in it somewhere.
Another thing l noticed to was the guys even through tam seem much more sensitive which was a shocker to me.
Even if you read a thread about what they miss , every women in it says sex where as most of the guys say personal things.
So, dunno about the player bs, l'm far more wary of women than they need to be of me. Most of the guys l've met would just love a good women that isn't a selfish meme that's gonna screw around the minute things aren't perfect.Very few players. And most of them it's the wives that have taken of to play, not them .

l'm not saying any of this in any which way , just calling it how l see it .
l've also found , like in a way , l'm glad they crap on so much in their profiles because between the lines you often see things giving them away as a meme sex sex straight of the bat.

All been a real eye opener even for me l can tell you and l've been around .


----------



## moxy

I don't mean to be vulgar by posting about sex and relationships; read my own thread and you'll see I'm too soft-hearted for my own good. I'm not some heartless player-ette by any means.

I guess it's not as common for nice guys to talk about relationships. I suppose I must meet too many not-nice dudes. Also, I suppose that many of the guys that stick around on TAM are of the non-********* variety, so the stories told would reflect that distinction. 

I don't think all guys are jerks. I don't think all gals are great. I'm just trying to make sense of what I do see around me. It feels like alien terrain after the stuff I've dealt with. Normal...don't know what that is.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> So far I have only asked the one woman out. She lives relatively close to me, so after a few emails I said "I am new to online dating and I am not sure of the etiquette, so I am just going to jump in. If you feel comfortable with it, we can meet for conversation and dinner. Generic Restaurant in Generic town has great food. We could meet there. With your busy schedule I am sure weekends are difficult to take off, so weekday evenings work for me."
> 
> And I left it at that. I tried to be as straightforward as possible without sounding nice guy-ish. It is pretty cut and dry, so either she will or she won't. And as I said, I am fine either way.




Congrats move. And whatever she says try not to take it to heart.
l got the sh!t kicked outa me in the first mth but since they're asking me out all the time :smthumbup:
You chill out after awhile , become indifferent . And that comes through in your chit chat - and as soon as that happens , they pick it up and tables turn believe me and before long they're coming to you.

With the exception though in that one or two l would really really like to meet. That's a different story . l'm still praying one actually even just comes back into the site first of all to see my email , and then of course , wants to talk 
l feel like hiring a PI just to track her down so l can cut out the bs :rofl:

ps . still , ain't that just so life ! lt's the things you really want , that are usually the most allusive . God damn it !


----------



## Nsweet

movealong said:


> Interesting. I didn't consider it to be insecure on my part. Actually quite the opposite. I saw it more as
> Hey, we have a lot in common and I am secure in myself enough to ask. Are you secure enough in yourself to give it a try?"


Again, it's still a bit much to ask her out so soon. Now some women will give it a shot but a lot more will want to get to know you better and build a little more comfort first. But it worked with this one so you're fine. 

Two other tips for you......

Keep your messages short and sweet. Don't go trying whole pages about yourself when she's just sent you a short sentence. You don't want to tell her too much about yourself, especially when she didn't ask for it. Keep it down to 4 sentences if you can help it. 

Watch the exclamation points. Using them too often can make some people feel like you're loud or overly aggressive in person. I'm not even exaggerating about this, it has happened to me with texts and emails.


----------



## whitehawk

Another thing that's really struck me if the FB bs.
l've been talking to some girls on our very first phone call and they've literally hinted about being open to just an FB thing if it doesn't work out . A few times . They don't even fkg know me .
And l've heard them talk about being open to it 100s of times yet l know very few guys that will be into that.


----------



## Nsweet

EnjoliWoman said:


> I disagree on the whole timeline. Emailing and phone calls are a waste of time if you then meet in a few weeks to find out there is zero attraction. (People do lie about stuff.) No need to invest that much energy, interest and excitement to find out her photos are 5 years old.


Yeah, that's why I said a *few days minimum* to 2 weeks maximum. 

Next time would you please quote the part you disagree with instead of shooting down everything I say by quoting the entire message. 



EnjoliWoman said:


> Just say right off after a few exchanges, "I'd love to meet you in person - is a weekday good for you? Meet me at [restaurant] at 6 on Wednesday - does that work for you?"


See now that doesn't always work out. If she doesn't feel comfortable enough meeting him she might agree to meet up only to flake out. It also puts too much pressure on her to make a decision about her weekend plans. And the whole dinner date thing can be a bit too much and a little boring. That's why a coffee date works very well here. Neither of you have to get dressed up and stress over a meetup that may only last 10-15 minutes. 




EnjoliWoman said:


> If conversation and easy and you want to see her again, don't extend the date - leave her (and you) wanting. After dinner say you enjoyed yourself but you have to get home to [let the dog out/finish a work thing/whatever] Walk her to her car and hug or kiss her goodbye and say you'd like to see her again. Gauge her response. If she says she'd like that, don't assume she does. Some women don't like confrontation and will say that and then ghost you. You can reach out the next day (not first thing) and say you had a good time - would she like to meet for _____ on ____day?"


If it's a first date and he doesn't know for sure if he'll see her again, why would he go for a kiss? Why invest that much time, energy, and money in the "getting to know you" process of a relationship at night when you can just as easily meet up for a quick lunch and see if you have enough in common to go out for dinner on another date. 

You also don't want to go on a date expecting to make out or have sex after dinner and a movie. Don't get me wrong, that's great if it happens, but a lot of women will be kinda guarded against that sort of thing until they can trust you. I'm sure you know the "creeper" type of guy. That guy who seems wonderful on the first or second date until he thinks he's going to get sex and get's really creepy and grabby with you.


----------



## Nsweet

06Daddio08 said:


> Nsweet, buddy, not everything has to be some to the point scheduled chain of events. E-mail? Skype? Building the excitement continuously?
> 
> All you have to do is have a genuine interest, which means asking some legit questions. If she (or he) also asks questions to keep the conversation alive, that's all that is needed.
> 
> Anyone who doesn't seem interested either isn't or hasn't gotten to that point in their life to believe that someone could be genuinely interested in them. There is no need to try and prove preemptively that you're anything other than who you are.


Come on, you've never done this? It's not following some schedule or plan to get laid, or whatever you think it is. This is just a general guideline for going from instant message on a dating site to meeting her in person that week without her flaking on you. 

You don't jump from "hey I like your profile" to "let me have your number" to "let's meet in person" just like that or on a schedule. It takes a little more time than that to feel like you can trust each other, but what you don't want..... and this is why I gave a sample timeline.... you don't want to get too comfortable with online interactions or try to rush things. That's why each step I listed was a slightly bigger investment and not one big leap forward.

It would go like "I like talking to you too. Want to exchange emails and talk more often (not on the dating site)?" then "can I see what you look like in person. Skype?" then "We've been talking a little everyday over the past week and I really like talking to you. Wanna exchange numbers and text?" then not too long after "Let's meetup over coffee" or something like that. This is not 2 or 3 emails in a day and then "Hey, let's meet up. I promise I won't rape or kill you."


----------



## movealong

Whoa! I just got my first email without me sending one to her first. Kinda makes me feel good! LOL!

I did a little research and redid my profile last night. Since then my "likes" and "views" have gone up significantly. This is interesting!


----------



## Nsweet

movealong said:


> Whoa! I just got my first email without me sending one to her first. Kinda makes me feel good! LOL!
> 
> I did a little research and redid my profile last night. Since then my "likes" and "views" have gone up significantly. This is interesting!


Let us know what types you attract from your changes.


----------



## ne9907

Omg! I am losing.... Vegas is kicking my ass....
Do you all want to know the secret to dating?

CONFIDENCE

Love yourselves and stop acting like ONE person rules your emotions.

Ok I may be a bit drunk.... and I dont have anyone to send.drunk texts to.
I will let.Tinder work its superficial magic


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nsweet said:


> Come on, you've never done this? It's not following some schedule or plan to get laid, or whatever you think it is. This is just a general guideline for going from instant message on a dating site to meeting her in person that week without her flaking on you.
> 
> You don't jump from "hey I like your profile" to "let me have your number" to "let's meet in person" just like that or on a schedule. It takes a little more time than that to feel like you can trust each other, but what you don't want..... and this is why I gave a sample timeline.... you don't want to get too comfortable with online interactions or try to rush things. That's why each step I listed was a slightly bigger investment and not one big leap forward.
> 
> It would go like "I like talking to you too. Want to exchange emails and talk more often (not on the dating site)?" then "can I see what you look like in person. Skype?" then "We've been talking a little everyday over the past week and I really like talking to you. Wanna exchange numbers and text?" then not too long after "Let's meetup over coffee" or something like that. This is not 2 or 3 emails in a day and then "Hey, let's meet up. I promise I won't rape or kill you."


Every woman I have met through online dating (which I initiated contact on all but 1) have said that my responses have been the shining difference that put me apart from the rest. They weren't brief little 1 or 2 sentence replies, I actually refrain from using words such as "really" because to me it comes off as trying to hard.

I suppose it all depends on what you're looking for, as I get complimented on being open, voicing my opinion and being able to articulate what I want and looking for. I have met them within a week and received their numbers in 2 days average, I've only had to ask for 1 and the rest were given.

Each women was genuine in who they were and when we all went our separate ways without any mixed messages. To each their own but to me, the "do this" "don't do that" leads to far too many "oh man did I just mess that up?!?" type internal thoughts.

Key things are 1. know who you are 2. know what you want 3. know that if it doesn't work out it will be okay 4. know your boundaries 5. go with the flow.

If they think I'm trying to play them, so be it. That's not my problem and honestly anyone who thinks I'm a player or trying to get in their pants is either still carrying far too much baggage or is full of themselves. Haha.


----------



## Nsweet

You're an extrovert.


----------



## movealong

The likes and views have varied, but most of them, 75% or more, have been attractive, educated women. 

I agree with you, daddio. I think of it as a conversation. Would I really want to talk with or meet someone that has short, timed, scripted or other similar answers? Not really. 

I don't word vomit on them, but if I have more than a few sentences to say, I use more than a few sentences.


----------



## Nsweet

Attractive educated women you say? Like they're hard to find.....

They're all subscribed to this thread.


----------



## movealong

Okay, now I am kinda caught off guard. I just had a 27 y/o "wink" at me. WTH do I do with that? LMAO!! And she's a real cutie! But dang, that is only 4 years older than my oldest! I guess I just could never be a dirty old man!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



movealong said:


> Okay, now I am kinda caught off guard. I just had a 27 y/o "wink" at me. WTH do I do with that? LMAO!! And she's a real cutie! But dang, that is only 4 years older than my oldest! I guess I just could never be a dirty old man!


If you're not okay with it, carry on.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Again, it's still a bit much to ask her out so soon. Now some women will give it a shot but a lot more will want to get to know you better and build a little more comfort first. But it worked with this one so you're fine.
> 
> Two other tips for you......
> 
> Keep your messages short and sweet. Don't go trying whole pages about yourself when she's just sent you a short sentence. You don't want to tell her too much about yourself, especially when she didn't ask for it. Keep it down to 4 sentences if you can help it.
> 
> Watch the exclamation points. Using them too often can make some people feel like you're loud or overly aggressive in person. I'm not even exaggerating about this, it has happened to me with texts and emails.



Yeah the message thing is sometimes tricky. And some sites have this ridiculously tiny box where you can't even see what your writing. How crazies that considering chatting is the whole point .
But as we all know , l am personally an exceptional writer :rofl::rofl: . So l was often a little self conscious to start.
But now l actually like to see their stuff as relaxed as my bs bc l like a chilled chick anyway.

Funny thing , one l've been talking to this wk has turned out to be a doctor. l could see from her site she was very articulate , not to mention she had a list of degrees as long as your arm.
WTF she'd even want with me though has the mind boggled :rofl: but she keeps writing . She's a stunner to.
Strangely enough though she's really interested in alternative living and wants to live on a few acs and grow her own food, which has always been a little dream of mine too. l'd love to just cut out the fk in life these days.
Even so though l ended it last night . l just know too well, educated women as l grew up surrounded by them. They might talk and dream like that but at the end of the day they're usually still an over everything, over complicated pain in the ass :rofl:

l just want a down to earth happy chick.


----------



## whitehawk

Personally l just think very very well educated people should just go for likewise. instead of trying to be something they just aren't, they're a niche all their own .


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Personally l just think very very well educated people should just go for likewise. instead of trying to be something they just aren't . Because just like the rest of us , they're a niche all their own .



Hey, now. Not everyone wants the same thing they have at work waiting for them at home. I'm very well-educated, with a few degrees in hand, and I work a white-collar sort of job, but I am attracted to blue-collar dudes and have never dated anyone with the same educational background as myself. Doesn't mean I'm trying to be someone I'm not. People are attracted to all kinds of things; basic compatibility doesn't boil down simply to a tit-for-tat background checklist because feelings and logic are not always in sync.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Hey, now. Not everyone wants the same thing they have at work waiting for them at home. I'm very well-educated, with a few degrees in hand, and I work a white-collar sort of job, but I am attracted to blue-collar dudes and have never dated anyone with the same educational background as myself. Doesn't mean I'm trying to be someone I'm not. People are attracted to all kinds of things; basic compatibility doesn't boil down simply to a tit-for-tat background checklist because feelings and logic are not always in sync.


One of you writes poetry and the other one inspires it. 

Match made in heaven.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Hey, now. Not everyone wants the same thing they have at work waiting for them at home. I'm very well-educated, with a few degrees in hand, and I work a white-collar sort of job, but I am attracted to blue-collar dudes and have never dated anyone with the same educational background as myself. Doesn't mean I'm trying to be someone I'm not. People are attracted to all kinds of things; basic compatibility doesn't boil down simply to a tit-for-tat background checklist because feelings and logic are not always in sync.




Yeah l know mox l put that wrong. But l also recognize a lot in your stuff too and you've said exactly what l'd say you would. l don't mean that in a bad way only in that remember, l grew up surrounded by it and l could write a book on the long term relationship around all that stuff.
But hey , that's only me, everyone else can do what they want .

l didn't mean it couldn't or it shouldn't , hell anythings poss'. 
l just mean more so for me personally, l had enough of it growing up to see it's def' not for me that's all.


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Personally l just think very very well educated people should just go for likewise. instead of trying to be something they just aren't, they're a niche all their own .


Well I sort of agree personally for myself. A person needs at least a four year degree or some kind of design school education or soemthing to be interesting to me. I've spent 12 years in universities and will likely spend most of my life working in one. So a person will need to be able to talk intelligently about world affairs and such. 

On the other hand, I do know a few people with doctorates that have married people who are far less educated. One person I know married a person who only has a high school diploma. That seems pretty imbalanced to me, but they seem to be working out after 5 years still. We'll see. Its easy for an academic to dominate a person without a degree on certain areas. We can use it like a bludgeon if we want to to put people down really subtly. Or I can do that at least, so I have to watch myself. These past few years have really knocked some of that arrogance of education out of me though, but I am still aware of the power dynamic.

So yeah, some people do not want another academic at home or another doctor or whatever. They want to forget about work and have another life. I completely understand that. I would not get into a relationship with a person in my field because I'm personally trying hard to separate work from the rest of my life, an area I have not been able to separate previously (work was fin, and fun was work...that is, I worked at all the time at this academic stuff). Anyhow...long post to say, the doctor lady might be genuine and you cutting it off because she's a doctor says more about you than her perhaps.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> One of you writes poetry and the other one inspires it.
> 
> Match made in heaven.



Hey , one writes the poetry and the other one makes the paper :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

Also a lot of educated people will be into alternative living. I'm an anarchist/socialist. There were years where my ex and I grew 80-90% of our own food, shared a car with two other families, lived in a communal space with others, etc. Almost all my academic friends think this way. I also know old tenured profs who live very boring "normal" lives. There are all kinds of people. I know a doctor who is the most radical person I have ever met...he runs a clinic and if people cannot pay their bills they can get volunteer vouchers and pay off their medical bill by volunteering for a nonprofit. Just one example of the kind of people out there. Your doctor lady may be extremely radical...some of them do all kinds of interesting work.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Well I sort of agree personally for myself. A person needs at least a four year degree or some kind of design school education or soemthing to be interesting to me. I've spent 12 years in universities and will likely spend most of my life working in one. So a person will need to be able to talk intelligently about world affairs and such.
> 
> On the other hand, I do know a few people with doctorates that have married people who are far less educated. One person I know married a person who only has a high school diploma. That seems pretty imbalanced to me, but they seem to be working out after 5 years still. We'll see. Its easy for an academic to dominate a person without a degree on certain areas. We can use it like a bludgeon if we want to to put people down really subtly. Or I can do that at least, so I have to watch myself. These past few years have really knocked some of that arrogance of education out of me though, but I am still aware of the power dynamic.
> 
> So yeah, some people do not want another academic at home or another doctor or whatever. They want to forget about work and have another life. I completely understand that. I would not get into a relationship with a person in my field because I'm personally trying hard to separate work from the rest of my life, an area I have not been able to separate previously (work was fin, and fun was work...that is, I worked at all the time at this academic stuff). Anyhow...long post to say, the doctor lady might be genuine and you cutting it off because she's a doctor says more about you than her perhaps.



Yep , you've managed to describe much better than l , what l was getting at, to a T .
l grew up hearing and seeing and living around every inch of all this stuff .
But see to , 5yrs isn't long , but if we were to ask them how they feel in another 40 or so , maybe it does maybe it doesn't.

But apart from the many other people of all walks around me growing up, my dad to was also a very high IQ yet my mum was a very simple person. 
They did somehow make 55yrs but admittedly , they were always very mismatched and dad spent his life going somewhere else for his - "stimulating" conversation .


----------



## ne9907

Fyi
Vegas is tinder heaven

Just ****ing around and every single person I liked, liked me. Not kidding, I have like 300 matches....


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Also a lot of educated people will be into alternative living. I'm an anarchist/socialist. There were years where my ex and I grew 80-90% of our own food, shared a car with two other families, lived in a communal space with others, etc. Almost all my academic friends think this way. I also know old tenured profs who live very boring "normal" lives. There are all kinds of people. I know a doctor who is the most radical person I have ever met...he runs a clinic and if people cannot pay their bills they can get volunteer vouchers and pay off their medical bill by volunteering for a nonprofit. Just one example of the kind of people out there. Your doctor lady may be extremely radical...some of them do all kinds of interesting work.



Yeah right, l know exactly where your coming from to and thanks for that. l too saw and was around a lot of all that growing up and later to actually.

But l mean look she was really really nice , that wasn't the thing. 
Funny though l actually said to her one night , God almighty why would you be interested in me and you know what she said .
But l really enjoy who you are , your real . That was such a nice thing of her to say .

But we were very different and as nice as she was , it's not for me .


----------



## moxy

Arendt, I like what you have to say about power in relationships. As an academic, I do like to dominate a space with words or wit, at times, but I feel balanced by a person capable of dominating a space with physical prowess. Not everyone likes power play in a relationship; I tend to need it to stay interested. I talk shop in a disembodied manner all day long and then some, so when I come home to someone, all I want is to feel embodied. I can understand a more egalitarian approach, too; it's probably healthier.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> One of you writes poetry and the other one inspires it.
> 
> 
> 
> Match made in heaven.



Hell, yeah!


----------



## muskrat

You all are too funny. How many degrees you do or don't have does nothing to prove your intelligence. I know some very average minded people that have substantial education. On the other hand I know some highly intelligent people who never set foot on a college campus.
We all have our preferences when dating, I just find it amusing that people use educational background as a make or break. I am not surprised however, people have all kinds of litmus tests. Why not just take the time to know the person instead of judging them by some arbitrary standard you have decided upon.
I do get the benefit of dating someone with a similar intelligence level. I just find it ridiculous how you all determine a persons intelligence. A few conversations should let you know if you are mentally compatible or not.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> You all are too funny. How many degrees you do or don't have does nothing to prove your intelligence. I know some very average minded people that have substantial education. On the other hand I know some highly intelligent people who never set foot on a college campus.
> 
> 
> Me too Rat l could give dozens of examples from my life but you put that well .
> 
> But the next bit , l know what your saying and l knew that exact point would be jumped on talking funny. But if you read what l said earlier about what l grew up in, l've been around this stuff my whole life, looootttta training believe me.
> Even everything people have said here l've heard 100s of times over te years but hey , l appreciated the hand in explaining it none the less. Word for word actually, even what you've said.
> But there was more to it, stuff, things. When l asked her that , l knew the answer, as well as all that stuff mox was saying to, heard that word for word a few hundred times to.
> l knew what she'd say [ my lady l mean], what she saw in me, but l just wanted to hear what she'd have to say though none the less, l could always be wrong. That's why a lot of them turn alternative as A was saying, or as a professor friend of my dads said once to put it simply , it clears the brain fk . Great bloke , classic , the guy A was talking about reminded me of him after all these years.
> 
> Anyway , she was a cool lady though, just not for me .


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Fyi
> Vegas is tinder heaven
> 
> Just ****ing around and every single person I liked, liked me. Not kidding, I have like 300 matches....


Get it, Ne. 



Arendt said:


> There were years where my ex and I grew 80-90% of our own food, s*hared a car with two other families, lived in a communal space with others, etc.*


More power to you, bro. That would not appeal to me at all. 



Nsweet said:


> Attractive educated women you say? Like they're hard to find.....
> 
> They're all subscribed to this thread.


You know exactly how to get on our good side, Nsweet. 



movealong said:


> Okay, now I am kinda caught off guard. I just had a 27 y/o "wink" at me. WTH do I do with that? LMAO!! And she's a real cutie! But dang, that is only 4 years older than my oldest! I guess I just could never be a dirty old man!


:rofl: 

This reminds me, I need a new "Grandpa" - maybe I should get on Tinder and start looking some older men up.


----------



## moxy

Yes, Jellybeans, you should!


----------



## whitehawk

Did you like that life Arendt or back in some suburb now with the new car and suit ? Oh , and supermarkets :lol:


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Key things are 1. know who you are 2. know what you want 3. know that if it doesn't work out it will be okay 4. know your boundaries 5. go with the flow.
> 
> If they think I'm trying to play them, so be it. That's not my problem and honestly anyone who thinks I'm a player or trying to get in their pants is either still carrying far too much baggage or is full of themselves. Haha.


:iagree: yep


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> You all are too funny. How many degrees you do or don't have does nothing to prove your intelligence. I know some very average minded people that have substantial education. On the other hand I know some highly intelligent people who never set foot on a college campus.
> We all have our preferences when dating, I just find it amusing that people use educational background as a make or break. I am not surprised however, people have all kinds of litmus tests. Why not just take the time to know the person instead of judging them by some arbitrary standard you have decided upon.
> I do get the benefit of dating someone with a similar intelligence level. I just find it ridiculous how you all determine a persons intelligence. A few conversations should let you know if you are mentally compatible or not.


Thanks Rat! At least someone said it..... I wasn't even going to bother. 

It is like the money conversation...I don't care about how much money you make other then you can handle your own. 
It takes all kinds of people to make the world go a round. 
You think your world is so dynamic? Come on in to mine, I have had plenty of "well educated" people work FOR ME...absolutely worthless waste of space and time!!! Do you know how stupid you look when you can't use a shovel? Or you lack physical ability so much you can't pick up a 50lb bag. You barely have more abilities then getting into your car and driving to your job to sit at your 9-5. And your fun consists of talking about how smart you are lol 

Not that I actually care, I am just saying...being negatively judgmental and ignorant because you live a different life says more about you and less about the person you are judging...I know it goes both ways and that is why I normally wouldn't say anything. 
Ehh whatever, different strokes for different folks


----------



## Nsweet

I just spent the last 5 hours taking notes over IT material. 
South Park - That hurt my brains - YouTube

It will all be worth it later to make passes at girls who wear glasses.:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> I just spent the last 5 hours taking notes over IT material.
> South Park - That hurt my brains - YouTube
> 
> It will all be worth it later to make passes at girls who wear glasses.:smthumbup:


Just so you know, there are not a lot of girls in IT. Maybe times are changing, but I am the only female worker in my core departmental team, out of about 25. One of my managers is female.

Out of the ENTIRE IT dept which includes programmers and project management/business analysts, there are about 10-15 females out of 60ish people. 

Oh, and only 1 wears glasses. LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

One of my closest gal pals is an IT nerd who wears glasses. 

She makes ridiculous big bucks with the gob'ment.


----------



## Another Planet

Is It Time to Lower Your Standards? | Resolved | OZY


----------



## moxy

I don't think I'm smarter or better than anyone else. I just think I have focused all my energies in one direction: being a nerd. So...when I want to connect with someone else, I want to feel drawn to something other than the nerdy world I know. I like men who know how to live in the world of the body because I spend all my time in my head and I feel disconnected from the world. The more rugged, the better. I didn't mean "well educated" to be snobby, just to say that people can use labels all day long to describe the assets others have, but at the end of the day, the allure we feel for people in the world has nothing to do with our assets and everything to do with the pull of the spirit.


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> Just so you know, there are not a lot of girls in IT. Maybe times are changing, but I am the only female worker in my core departmental team, out of about 25. One of my managers is female.
> 
> Out of the ENTIRE IT dept which includes programmers and project management/business analysts, there are about 10-15 females out of 60ish people.
> 
> Oh, and only 1 wears glasses. LOL


Tell me about it. I'm in class with around 20 guys and only four women. 

Four of the finest sisters at that. Two which are nurses. 

So it sounds like finding attractive highly intelligent women in the computer science field is like an finding an endangered species. You know they're out there but you'll almost never see one.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Thanks Rat! At least someone said it..... I wasn't even going to bother.
> 
> It is like the money conversation...I don't care about how much money you make other then you can handle your own.
> It takes all kinds of people to make the world go a round.
> You think your world is so dynamic? Come on in to mine, I have had plenty of "well educated" people work FOR ME...absolutely worthless waste of space and time!!! Do you know how stupid you look when you can't use a shovel? Or you lack physical ability so much you can't pick up a 50lb bag. You barely have more abilities then getting into your car and driving to your job to sit at your 9-5. And your fun consists of talking about how smart you are lol
> 
> Not that I actually care, I am just saying...being negatively judgmental and ignorant because you live a different life says more about you and less about the person you are judging...I know it goes both ways and that is why I normally wouldn't say anything.
> Ehh whatever, different strokes for different folks



Yeah , could l tell you guys some funny things about this stuff .
thing is , l'm not sure if this or what rat was saying was referring to me just because l didn't want to keep the doc , or just in general.
But it seems to read as typical blown out of proportion 1/2 facts internet forums , by people that haven't understood a thing about a person they supposedly know in a forum . Sometimes it's like no matter how much you say or how many times , this stuff happens in these places.

But on the doc , hell no , l don't wanna be in anything with a doc. Because l was married to medical for 19yrs , l know the life . So can somebody at least take that fact in , if nothing else and think about what that actually means, if nothing else l tried to say in other posts. lt's usually a fkd life , go there again , no thanks, not for any money .
But as in l just finished replying in rats reply - see what l mean but , there was more to it than that anyway , we've been seeing each other a few wks and there's also stuff - which l told you guys that to. 
l just didn't bother going into it but l did say that much and that should be enough for you guys. You do at least know me a little bit and enough to know l've been around and l'm no idiot.
At least l'd like to think those l've considered my friends here all this time , do at least know me by now at least that much.

This internet stuff is always so disappointing .


----------



## whitehawk

lt's always so weird . But my God , the experiences l could talk about right here , even on the doc stuff . Not to mention the other areas we were supposedly talking about yesterday.

But you guys should know that , l've said at least more than enough for anyone here to easily put it together. 

l think people just skim in clubs and hit the reply before they've even thought about what was said .
Hell l do it myself. But l am pretty good at reading people and their lives though , between the lines in stuff the talk about round here . And l tend to have a pretty good idea of who they are and what they're about through lots of stuff they say- well as much as you can over invisible internet bs anyway.

But sometimes l think l must be the only person in forums that actually does that and remembers people , stuff .


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I don't think I'm smarter or better than anyone else. I just think I have focused all my energies in one direction: being a nerd. So...when I want to connect with someone else, I want to feel drawn to something other than the nerdy world I know. I like men who know how to live in the world of the body because I spend all my time in my head and I feel disconnected from the world. The more rugged, the better. I didn't mean "well educated" to be snobby, just to say that people can use labels all day long to describe the assets others have, but at the end of the day, the allure we feel for people in the world has nothing to do with our assets and everything to do with the pull of the spirit.


Well I hope no one was/is offended by what I said. I am in full support of higher education and enlightening, I am however against judgments against people who didn't receive a higher education. They are not lesser they just choose a different path or did not have the same resources...no big deal there like I said it takes all kinds...
Just saying take a chance you might be surprised in the person you originally thought was less then you.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , could l tell you guys some funny things about this stuff .
> thing is , l'm not sure if this or what rat was saying was referring to me just because l didn't want to keep the doc , or just in general.
> But it seems to read as typical blown out of proportion 1/2 facts internet forums , by people that haven't understood a thing about a person they supposedly know in a forum . Sometimes it's like no matter how much you say or how many times , this stuff happens in these places.
> 
> But on the doc , hell no , l don't wanna be in anything with a doc. Because l was married to medical for 19yrs , l know the life . So can somebody at least take that fact in , if nothing else and think about what that actually means, if nothing else l tried to say in other posts. lt's usually a fkd life , go there again , no thanks, not for any money .
> But as in l just finished replying in rats reply - see what l mean but , there was more to it than that anyway , we've been seeing each other a few wks and there's also stuff - which l told you guys that to.
> l just didn't bother going into it but l did say that much and that should be enough for you guys. You do at least know me a little bit and enough to know l've been around and l'm no idiot.
> At least l'd like to think those l've considered my friends here all this time , do at least know me by now at least that much.
> 
> This internet stuff is always so disappointing .


Tell me more about why you think you aren't interested in women involved in the medical field?...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Well I hope no one was/is offended by what I said. I am in full support of higher education and enlightening, I am however against judgments against people who didn't receive a higher education. They are not lesser they just choose a different path or did not have the same resources...no big deal there like I said it takes all kinds...
> Just saying take a chance you might be surprised in the person you originally thought was less then you.



Yep exactly and man could l give you guys a few examples .
But l'll run just one quickie by ya. How about my school drop out mate with the IQ of 155 , that's pretty clever btw. That hasn't worked since he was 25 and never will again bc of the 60k property he worked on mines for 18mths for to buy and set himself up in . 
Predicting the developers knocking on his door and offering him 3million bucks, which they did. So while he was waiting he leases out the rest of it and parties for 25 yrs living of that and doing nothing .
And just like he predicted , his now worth more than most of us that have worked our ass's of for that 25yrs will ever be and he's still got 20 yrs to retire- or in his case , party.
But hey , he says he's happier than most of us too , watching everyone he knows going through all this bs and working their ass's of all this time.

That's only one small angle of this guy.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Tell me more about why you think you aren't interested in women involved in the medical field?...



Put it this way , l don't think , but there's lots of stuff l could say . There's even a thread around here somewhere of their burn out rate, even nurses. But anyway.

As l said , there was more to it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I kept reading backwards to follow where this discussion on education led from.

I kind of agree that like-educated people generally do better than a huge educational gap. And then there's the huge "however"...

I actually thinks this boils down to a combination of innate intelligence, ambition and lifestyle.

For instance, Moxy might not prefer someone with her typical "book smarts" and likes a rugged man. But that doesn't mean he isn't as intelligent. I does mean that his intelligence and ambition are miles apart from her and she doesn't feel the need to understand it. Perhaps he's a farmer. He probably has extensive knowledge of mechanics for his equipment, knowledge of chemistry as it relates to soil composition (Ph balance, organic matter, fertilizers, crop rotations) and biology (farm animal nutrition/care, immunizations, reproduction). He is rugged, could earn a lot less, knows nothing of 18th century literature, but is highly intelligent and even if she doesn't want to know all that he knows, it works for her. He probably doesn't want to hear everything she knows. They can still talk about their day in general as it relates to coworkers, paperwork, long hours, etc. as well as their personal value system and may appreciate a similar lifestyle. 

This topic strikes a chord with me due to my personal circumstances.

I grew up with a focus on academics. My mother a nurse, my father an engineer. Our house was full of books for both fun and learning. We received Time, National Geographic, Reader's Digest, Highlights (as kids) and the daily newspaper. Any time we got the Scholastic Book hand out at school, I had many books circled and was never denied one. We had encyclopedias, medical books and large reference manuals of all sorts. All of my classes in school were geared to the college bound.

In the end I never went. I had a boyfriend and was eager to be grown up and on my own. My parents insisted in higher learning so I heard about a trade school from a friend and came up with a reason for wanting to go. It wasn't a deep desire to study Fashion Merchandising - in fact, I'm slightly fashionably ignorant. I think my parents were hoping that going to school in another state, living in dorms would change my mind but I moved back home after that year of school (graduating with a 3.74 GPA) and started working at barely above minimum wage. Being raised financially ignorant was a huge disservice but my parents never discussed money with us kids. If they had, I very well may have changed my mind. I came this >.< close to joining the military to buy me time to figure out my life.

Pretty soon I met my exH and, in typical personality disorder way, he swept me off my feet, rushed our relationship and I fell for it. And by the time I realized it was a huge mistake I was 700 miles away, telling myself it would get better once I adjusted to married life.

Fortunately all of the assorted fields I worked in sort of culminated into my current job where I am now a project coordinator and inside sales. I have no 4-year degree but I have better communication skills than most people I meet with degrees (certainly better grammar and vocabulary), which is a real shame. Our institutions of higher learning should turn out better quality graduates than that.

But in dating, I find myself having much more interesting conversations with people with degrees. Most people assume I have one. I put my college on my resume under the education header and year of graduation and it's always interpreted as a Bachelor's Degree, but I have never misrepresented that. It has held me back applying for jobs when it is a requirement and unfortunately very often that is asked during the screening process and I'm automatically disqualified. I think that is true in the dating world as well and it's unfortunate. As part of the normal discovery process in dating, once it is discovered I have no degree I can see the change in attitude which always stymies me considering by this point they have read my communications on the dating site, have had a conversation with me, presumably think I'm relatively intelligent but then here comes the deal breaker. Yet I have very little in common with many men who didn't go to college (ironic). Or maybe those self-made-men are still with their wives because they know the value of dedication, hard work and good choices.

It is often thought I do not appreciate the value of education. And the whole concept of college proving you can stick to something and follow through is, in my opinion, bull. Being able to follow a plan doesn't make someone more intelligent, capable or driven than anyone else. What I do value is thoughtful consideration, developing obscure interests, a curious nature and an ability to relate with people, emotions and ideas. 

We need an overhaul of our education system in the US. Everyone is not a round peg in a square hole. A commercial artist does not need a lot of the classes in college to become successful. A natural curiosity and a strong foundation in the basics (emphasis on reading and writing) will make him well-rounded, interesting and educated because he will seek out those things. That is the person I am and that is the person I am looking for, degree or no.


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Did you like that life Arendt or back in some suburb now with the new car and suit ? Oh , and supermarkets :lol:


I do like that kind of life. The city where I am moving to has a neighborhood where a lot of folks like that live. The neighborhood association, for example, is a place where people share cars, use their own insurance to help people who get locked out, do their own community policing and such things. I did not rent there, though rents are lower in that area, but if I am in that city more than a year, that is where I'll move. It is where I plan to do my volunteer work to network and such.

I'm a lifelong radical, have been since an early, early age, and will die this way. I like my personal space, but I also think this hyper consumerist society is just boring...it bores people to death so they just keep buying and buying and buying. 

As to education: I definitely do not think lesser of people for not going on to higher education. I know people who "unschool" who just hate how the colleges and universities in effect train people to be little cogs in the machine: be on time; work harder and longer than you need to; use all your energy for the "company"; etc. I do too actually. Education was a way of out for me though. I grew up in poverty, ended up in prison when I was a teenager, and education got me out of that life. But it also changed me...it is a mindset. It is hard to turn off the critical thinking skills; in fact I can't. If something is structured in such a way as to try to convince me of something I will treat it like I do books. It makes going to "church" really difficult as a Protestant, for example. 

For quite a while I really lost touch with regular people who do not have degrees and I remember telling our MC 2 years ago that I could not be friends with anybody who did not at least have an MA. Today, since the separation and now divorce, the people who have helped me the most are factory workers and people who barely graduated high school: people in AA really. I went there because I wanted to drink away the marriage issues and they kept me from doing that. But they did much more. They helped purge me of all the petty resentments and ladder climbing and list making of who I owe and who owes me, and all that stuff. I'm very grateful to those people and that discipline. In fact, though I am a theologian and study issues around God and such for a living, it is really in AA in the past 2 years that I have been able to understand once again what it means to live a spiritual life and it has nothing to do with dogmas and what I believe so much as how I treat others.

Moxy: I know academics who are pretty strong dudes. I bench 225 myself and am in great physical shape, but I have a couple friends who put me to shame


----------



## Arendt

Oh and White hawk, I can only cover so many tattoos with a suit


----------



## whitehawk

Hmm , one of my biggest regrets , not going into commercial art.
We threw in everything and l became a painter for 11yrs and we rented an old farm house up in the tropics .
But being an artist was too hard on my head , marriage and bank balance . Well we didn't actually have a bank balance haha. Even when we were sometimes selling pieces at 5 and 6k. Because we usually hadn't had any money for 6mths before.

l shoulda sucked it up when l first left school and gone into commercial, or become a tattooist God damn it :rofl:


----------



## movealong

I got a silly question. On match.com when you go to the page that shows who viewed your profile, some of them are highlighted in green, some aren't. What is the difference, if any?


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Hmm , one of my biggest regrets , not going into commercial art.
> We threw in everything and l became a painter for 11yrs and we rented an old farm house up in the tropics .
> But being an artist was too hard on my head , marriage and bank balance . Well we didn't actually have a bank balance haha. Even when we were sometimes selling pieces at 5 and 6k. Because we usually hadn't had any money for 6mths before.
> 
> l shoulda sucked it up when l first left school and gone into commercial, or become a tattooist God damn it :rofl:


Yes. Same here. I gave up art for education. Thought I needed to. Now I am painting again and have an art show tomorrow. If I could make a living at it, I would quit academics in a heart-beat. I have some photos of pieces in another thread. Sounds like we would get along just fine in real life


----------



## whitehawk

l should be very emotional right now , so why aren't l ? :scratchhead: Maybe it sinks in.

My ex rings up this morning , oh we should sign those papers. Yep , THOSE papers.
l say ok whatever , bring em over, next minute she's sitting on my bed , l was still in bed. We're talking about my daughter , having coffee, talking about a friend that's just lost her home , signing divorce papers , talking about the floods we just had and then she's of and back to work .

And you know what , l haven't even thought about it, l forgot about it but - l'm now divorced people , how weird !


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> l should be very emotional right now , so why aren't l ? :scratchhead: Maybe it sinks in.
> 
> My ex rings up this morning , oh we should sign those papers. Yep , THOSE papers.
> l say ok whatever , bring em over, next minute she's sitting on my bed , l was still in bed. We're talking about my daughter , having coffee, talking about a friend that's just lost her home , signing divorce papers , talking about the floods we just had and then she's of and back to work .
> 
> And you know what , l haven't even thought about it, l forgot about it but - l'm now divorced people , how weird !


My final court date is next Friday. It will be legal then.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Yes. Same here. I gave up art for education. Thought I needed to. Now I am painting again and have an art show tomorrow. If I could make a living at it, I would quit academics in a heart-beat. I have some photos of pieces in another thread. Sounds like we would get along just fine in real life



Ha , well how about that . Yeah it's a huge topic isn't it. We did a fair few shows to , good luck with it.
We opened our own gallery for two yrs , couldn't live of it though , God l got soooo sick of having no money.
l went back into my own business in the end. l sorta do like being back in the real world though to in many ways . Ways like you do a job and hey , hang on , l'm actually getting payed for it , nice :smthumbup: It is so nice to actually get paid for what l do again now.


----------



## moxy

Whitehawk, that's great. You're out of limbo.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> My final court date is next Friday. It will be legal then.


Ahh right , good luck with it.

l suppose l will start to feel something once it sinks in but l've actually felt quite liberated today , even kind of free'ish , how odd !


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Whitehawk, that's great. You're out of limbo.



Thanks a lot Mox and you know what , l think that might be just what it is l am feeling !


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Ahh right , good luck with it.
> 
> l suppose l will start to feel something once it sinks in but l've actually felt quite liberated today , even kind of free'ish , how odd !


Thanks!

I don't think there will be an "odd" feeling for me, but I already feel the freedom. I have my first date tonight with someone other than my X in 14 years. I am really looking forward to it. And....wait for it...she is a nurse. LOL! I always seem to pick them from the medical field. Everyone of my adult relationships involved someone that worked in healthcare.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I got a silly question. On match.com when you go to the page that shows who viewed your profile, some of them are highlighted in green, some aren't. What is the difference, if any?


Ahh , just means the highlighted ones wanna fk ya that's all.
Nah , l don't know, my site doesn't do highlighted stuff.
It does have this little truck cartoon thing though up in the corner that flashes sometimes. No idea why .


----------



## movealong

I wish it had a function like that! LMAO! "I want to date, but I want f**k, too!"


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I wish it had a function like that! LMAO! "I want to date, but I want f**k, too!"




:rofl:

and ps , good luck with nursey


----------



## Fenix

muskrat said:


> You all are too funny. How many degrees you do or don't have does nothing to prove your intelligence. I know some very average minded people that have substantial education. On the other hand I know some highly intelligent people who never set foot on a college campus.
> We all have our preferences when dating, I just find it amusing that people use educational background as a make or break. I am not surprised however, people have all kinds of litmus tests. Why not just take the time to know the person instead of judging them by some arbitrary standard you have decided upon.
> I do get the benefit of dating someone with a similar intelligence level. I just find it ridiculous how you all determine a persons intelligence. A few conversations should let you know if you are mentally compatible or not.


Because there are just too damn many to know in online dating. You have to have a filter. I use education as one of mine. I don't use it (as much) in real life.


Congratulations, Whitehawk!

You and Arendt should post some of your art here.


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> You have to have a filter. I use education as one of mine. I don't use it (as much) in real life.


The use of filters is important! Funny how the way we meet people determines the kinds of filters we use. 

What others do y'all use?



Fenix said:


> You and Arendt should post some of your art here.


I agree. :iagree:


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> The use of filters is important! Funny how the way we meet people determines the kinds of filters we use.
> 
> What others do y'all use?


I use religion, politics, marital status (obviously), children and I had a 10 year age range and a 15 mile geographic radius. When I was online dating, I preferred:
45-55, non conservative in politics and religion, separated, older children only and yes, college degree at least. Those were the top filters.

Secondary filters were: height (and yes, I felt a bit guilty here), fitness/activity level, and interest in travel or having moved around.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> The use of filters is important! Funny how the way we meet people determines the kinds of filters we use.
> 
> What others do y'all use?
> 
> :


Age... set mine between 34 and 43
marital status (wont date separated)
education level
distance from me
generally only Athletic and Toned / Average Build 
height above 5 8" though I have bent before on that
prefer ones with kids, but not required
I sometimes also filter out guys in sales or lawyers... just found over a bunch of dating that I tend not to mesh with them


----------



## movealong

I can't really filter by politics. I am more libertarian than anything, and "middle of the road" is not an adequate description. 

I filter by age (40-55) and distance (50-100 miles). Other than that, I will look at all matches. Education is secondary and not a deal breaker.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Wonder what my requirements will be ...

right now I think breathing will work


----------



## unsure78

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Wonder what my requirements will be ...
> 
> right now I think breathing will work


That cracked me up 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Satya

Joined match today at a discount. I had used eharmony about a year and a half ago and found my ex bf there. I was tired of no search ability, although it seemed to be a bit more rigorous in a background check than match. 

Positive thinking...


----------



## Fenix

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Wonder what my requirements will be ...
> 
> right now I think breathing will work


:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Wow, you are all open-minded... am I the only one who filters by race/ethnic on dating sites?

Strangely I have no filters as such in RL - as they are all 10x more prettier in person than online for some reason


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Wow, you are all open-minded... am I the only one who filters by race/ethnic on dating sites?
> 
> Strangely I have no filters as such in RL - as they are all 10x more prettier in person than online for some reason


I have less filters irl as well....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> I got a silly question. On match.com when you go to the page that shows who viewed your profile, some of them are highlighted in green, some aren't. What is the difference, if any?


Pretty sure its the premium members if I remember correctly, or the ones who pay. I closed mine quite a while ago.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Thanks a lot Mox and you know what , l think that might be just what it is l am feeling !


I told you and RD that you HAVE to do it. It is like cutting the little thread that still connects the two of you mentally. It was so much easier to take being single seriously once mine was DONE.


----------



## RandomDude

Huh? Do what?


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Huh? Do what?


Finish the big D. You are still married too right? I thought that was one of your qualms that you wouldn't put up with women that didn't want a man that wasn't divorced yet.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm not officially divorced yet either.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm not officially divorced yet either.


Really?! Dang you guys gotta get on that!
For me it just got better everyday after wards. And it was still the crazy marriage turmoil beforehand. 7 months out now from my release from the chains and the anchor and I have never felt better...Awesome fricken GF, making gobs of money and non of it is hers , kids are stable and happy  and like I said it's getting better everyday


----------



## RandomDude

In my case there's no marital turmoil at present and I'm only waiting out her decision to avert responsibility for our divorce. Eventually she'll want to recommit to someone else and when that happens our divorce will be very smooth-sailing without any damage to our fragile co-parenting arrangements.

Regardless I'm already having my fun ramming everything I see without any leash to stop me!


----------



## Another Planet

I was too. Not so eloquently put as you but I was involved with women too prior to the final divorce, I'm just saying it all feels different now I can seriously move on. I know its just a piece of paper but it really does make a difference in how you view things. Maybe after you are done you can move away from keeping your soon to be ex on such a high pestidle and you can focus genuinely on someone else taking that position.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's in the pipeline but it doesn't define anything about my life moving forward and hasn't for quite some time.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? What pedestal? lol

She's nothing to me now, as for her past qualities, sure I compare some of hers to those I meet. It didn't stop me from admiring new women, but it doesn't mean love for me is easy to find either!

I don't see how the big D would change anything either than "marital status", we've already cut/split everything except for our daughter!


----------



## Another Planet

As a friend and with the utmost respect I say this...for a couple of tough guys that you are, you say you want one thing but you are grasping at straws and making excuses to hold on to something. If you wanted it as badly as you say you would make it happen.


----------



## Another Planet

Actions not words


----------



## ne9907

So, I was at the craps table but had to leave because the dealers (all men) were making innuendos about my boobs being big and humongous.
Sometimes I get tired of all the attention. Not kidding.


----------



## whitehawk

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Wonder what my requirements will be ...
> 
> right now I think breathing will work




:rofl::rofl: .Yeah l prefer them breathing to , call me fussy !


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Because there are just too damn many to know in online dating. You have to have a filter. I use education as one of mine. I don't use it (as much) in real life.
> 
> 
> Congratulations, Whitehawk!
> 
> You and Arendt should post some of your art here.




Thanks a lot Fenix.

What do you think Anendt  . The only catch is l think with TAM we need Photo Bucket or something. That stuff starts to lose me .


----------



## Fenix

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm not officially divorced yet either.


Here I was feeling all guilty for not being officially divorced and hanging out here!


----------



## Dollystanford

It absolutely defines something...until you're divorced you have to say 'well I'm separated, not quite divorced yet but in the pipeline, no not filed yet. Waiting for her/me to do it..'

It suggests that you're either not ready, not sure, still hanging on (whether or not that's true)

Divorce is definitive


----------



## Lon

My gf separated over 15 years ago but never filled D, she has been happy with the status quo. Her estranged/ex H was a stepfather for a short time to her daughter. Filing D would have presented a risk to the custody arrangement (likely would have meant he had to pay her court mandated child support, and granted visitation or shared custody to him). Now her daughter is no longer a legal dependent she has put the possibility of making the D official, but she hasn't even heard from him in over a decade. Neither her nor I have any plans to ever get the government involved in our relationship so it doesn't matter.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Dollystanford said:


> I guess that's fine for her. I'd hate to still be legally married to someone 15 years after we'd split. Over here you can divorce without the other person being involved if it's that long anyway


It's not that it has to be mutual here, but either way to get the official divorce certificate it needs to be signed by a judge. Legally there is no difference between separated or divorced so long as you don't want to legally wed again. Getting it official is on her to do list, but it's very low priority.

Her getting that done has no importance to me, and if it were important to her she would have taken care of it. My own divorce was important for myself though, which is why I took care of it not because I hope to wed, but because I just needed to leave as much of the debris as I could behind me.

To each their own, I just was trying to point out inconsistencies in the blanket statement.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> So, I was at the craps table but had to leave because the dealers (all men) were making innuendos about my boobs being big and humongous.
> Sometimes I get tired of all the attention. Not kidding.


Were you showing a lot of cleavage and putting them on display?


----------



## LaQueso

I am officially divorced and I think it would make a difference if I were to date or put myself on Match again. Before, I was getting guys who just wanted sex. That was fine because I realized I'm not in a healthy mindset for a relationship anyway. I still have stuff to work on. Now I don't look like a cheater and a guy wouldn't be as scared that my ex is gonna come back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Satya

I am filtering out any man on match who is "separated." I myself am down as divorced. Of course, people will lie if they choose to. I absolutely will not get involved with a man who hasn't made himself totally available. I'd feel incredibly duped and used otherwise.


----------



## Another Planet

Satya said:


> I am filtering out any man on match who is "separated." I myself am down as divorced. Of course, people will lie if they choose to. I absolutely will not get involved with a man who hasn't made himself totally available. I'd feel incredibly duped and used otherwise.


Honestly when I was dating I was insulted a few times because a few girls told me they weren't interested while I was still married. But now I understand, it is just another one of those signs of who a person is. If you don't have enough ambition to finish off such details then how can you have enough ambition for me? Not that it would always feel like that in every situation but honestly is there any HEALTHY situation where someone prefers a married person over a non married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Satya said:


> I am filtering out any man on match who is "separated." I myself am down as divorced. Of course, people will lie if they choose to. I absolutely will not get involved with a man who hasn't made himself totally available. I'd feel incredibly duped and used otherwise.


Completely understand but it has to be tough on those that are separated and the divorce isn't final through no fault of their own. Can't move on.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## jpr

Yeah....I sort of agree with the others. If I were to date again, I would avoid separated men also.

Everyone has a story, and there are always exceptions...but, really. If you are just waiting on the other person to file...:scratchhead:...I don't know. I just don't get it. 

To me, it is hard to take a relationship with someone seriously if they are not divorced. You are sort of stuck in Limbo-land. ....which is okay for a little while, but eventually I would want to leave LimboLand when I realized that the roller coaster I was riding was never going to leave its tracks and actually go somewhere.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Separated and not having filed is different.


----------



## jpr

....I dated while I was separated. ....for full disclosure.

, I think I was pretty clear about not wanting anything serious at the time. But, looking back, I was in a totally different place than I am now. I was content with a superficial but fun relationshiop ....now, I want my rollercoaster to go somewhere. 

But,again. Everyone has their story and their reasons for things.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Separated and not having filed is different.


True but divorced is different from separated. ...

Agree with jpr everyone has their story...and exceptions are always made but for me dating someone still married is not ok....at this point I even hesitate to date someone freshly D too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Honestly when I was dating I was insulted a few times because a few girls told me they weren't interested while I was still married. But now I understand, it is just another one of those signs of who a person is. If you don't have enough ambition to finish off such details then how can you have enough ambition for me? Not that it would always feel like that in every situation but honestly is there any HEALTHY situation where someone prefers a married person over a non married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its not preference for separated over divorce, but preference for a person you really click with and want to date. If they are fresh out of a failed marriage, regardless of their legal status, they will be dealing with emotional issues. A preference for someone who has those issues over one whom has healed is certainly unhealthy, but it's not defined by the status of the paperwork they have done.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> True but divorced is different from separated. ...
> 
> Agree with jpr everyone has their story...and exceptions are always made but for me dating someone still married is not ok....at this point I even hesitate to date someone freshly D too
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Separated to me is not the same thing as married. That's just paperwork.


----------



## Satya

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Completely understand but it has to be tough on those that are separated and the divorce isn't final through no fault of their own. Can't move on.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


I understand that position also. There are definitely those out there who are quite comfortable dating someone who is separated and not yet divorced. I just couldn't do it myself.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Separated and not having filed is different.


I thought the same thing after I had filed and before the final D. Not anymore.....honestly, like I want to deal with all the drama of you finishing your divorce, no I don't. There is still enough drama that goes on afterwards that has to be dealt with.
I believe I was just excusing away the truth because I wanted to meet new people so bad.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Satya said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> 
> Completely understand but it has to be tough on those that are separated and the divorce isn't final through no fault of their own. Can't move on.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_
> 
> 
> 
> I understand that position also. There are definitely those out there who are quite comfortable dating someone who is separated and not yet divorced. I just couldn't do it myself.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm just peeking in to see how the other side lives. I did separate but did not file and we reconciled. I had a couple of opportunities to date but couldn't because my situation was too complicated. 

I remember going to a bar with a friend of mine and this beautiful woman sits down next to me. She was stunning ... my jaw dropped. We talked for a while and she asks me what my situation is. The word separated hadn't finished leaving my lips before she got up and left without saying a word.

Just had the divorce talk after a year of sexless marriage. This on top of a number of other sexless years. Planning my next steps and it is going to be messy. Could take quite a while. I don't think I will try to date while I'm going through that, even after filing ... at least that's what I'm thinking now. Not because I think we could reconcile again but I don't think I can handle a new relationship while going through that huge life change. I also don't think that will be fair to my daughters who will need all the attention I can give them and would not understand if I had someone new come into my life.

Not sure what is going to be worse, the year of celibacy in my marriage I just had or the year of celibacy I will have while I sit in limbo. I know that feeling of being separated and not being able to move on ... not fun. I'll focus on rebuilding my life aa I should but it will be a trial, for sure.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## whitehawk

The kids are huge in this stuff to though especially for dads and it all depends. As RD was saying a few mths back , his ex began carrying on and he doesn't want that escalating into bs and courts around the kids so he's hoping to wait her out a bit longer. l think that's a very smart way to go and something like what l tried to do and it did wonders , for me and for my daughter.

But l thought of a much quicker way to put the rest of this. lf your a dad and there's kids involved, property , finance , but most importantly your kids- take your time , use your head and do it right as the kids and you are the ones that have to live with the outcome.


----------



## RandomDude

Exactly as whitehawk mentioned; the welfare of our children is our priority. In my case I won't let our fragile co-parenting arrangements go to hell over some woman trying to rush me into D, was tempted too by one of my past dates, but no.

I made my decision and she had to go.


----------



## moxy

The post-filing, pre-finalizing of the divorce is a painful limbo.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah true mox. But you've still gotta use your brains, especially if kids are involved.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> The post-filing, pre-finalizing of the divorce is a painful limbo.


Lots of "what ifs" and "hopefully maybe" feelings.

It can be a very miserable depressing time.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Yeah true mox. But you've still gotta use your brains, especially if kids are involved.



One should always use one's brain.

I do not have any children.

I simply meant that it's not always as easy as Divorced or Not Divorced. When one has filed for divorce, but the paperwork hasn't yet been finalized (such as, in the case of complicated factors), that limbo is very confusing and stressful. Not married, not separated, not divorced, and single but somehow not entirely.


----------



## Arendt

I will be legally divorced in a few weeks. I have not dated during this time and will not. I don't plan to seek out dates after the divorce until the new year. I'm open to meeting somebody but I will not actively pursue that through a dating site.

I'm watching what people are doing though to get a feel for issues.

As to posting artwork here I don't think this is the proper place for that. Anybody who wants to see my artwork can PM me and I'll send you a link or two. I have some stuff in the pets thread in the social section and a few pics in the going through divorce thread I used to use. But I am too lazy to look them up right now. I had an art show today and I am exhausted. Sold some stuff, had a great time, met a lot of cool people.


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> I will be legally divorced in a few weeks. I have not dated during this time and will not. I don't plan to seek out dates after the divorce until the new year. I'm open to meeting somebody but I will not actively pursue that through a dating site.
> 
> I'm watching what people are doing though to get a feel for issues.
> 
> *As to posting artwork here I don't think this is the proper place for that*. Anybody who wants to see my artwork can PM me and I'll send you a link or two. I have some stuff in the pets thread in the social section and a few pics in the going through divorce thread I used to use. But I am too lazy to look them up right now. I had an art show today and I am exhausted. Sold some stuff, had a great time, met a lot of cool people.


Sure it is  put it in your album for friends only....no big deal


----------



## ne9907

Back to real life, it was fun. I was very comfortable around army guy, I was myself, did not feel the need to impress him because this is going nowhere and I have no feelings towards him.
The downside was that I felt so comfortable and myself, I began to miss ex husband and the glorious days of our marriage.
I had a great drive back home, it was so cathartic. My would have been 15 year anniversary is approaching so naturally, I am very sad.
I cried most of the four hour drive back. I miss the good times with ex.
I am not over our good times, is that normal? I am over him as a person, but not over our great memories.

In conclusion, I came up with a great plan. I am turning myself into a sex goddess. I will be a man's best fvck ever and forget about love haha


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> One should always use one's brain.
> 
> I do not have any children.
> 
> I simply meant that it's not always as easy as Divorced or Not Divorced. When one has filed for divorce, but the paperwork hasn't yet been finalized (such as, in the case of complicated factors), that limbo is very confusing and stressful. Not married, not separated, not divorced, and single but somehow not entirely.



Yeah l know mox , wasn't having a go at you.
But nah , people don't always use their brains in this stuff , usually the one walking away that's stopped caring about anyone but themselves. The going through d threads are pretty scary.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Back to real life, it was fun. I was very comfortable around army guy, I was myself, did not feel the need to impress him because this is going nowhere and I have no feelings towards him.
> The downside was that I felt so comfortable and myself, I began to miss ex husband and the glorious days of our marriage.
> I had a great drive back home, it was so cathartic. My would have been 15 year anniversary is approaching so naturally, I am very sad.
> I cried most of the four hour drive back. I miss the good times with ex.
> I am not over our good times, is that normal? I am over him as a person, but not over our great memories.
> 
> In conclusion, I came up with a great plan. I am turning myself into a sex goddess. I will be a man's best fvck ever and forget about love haha


Oh dear, NE. What are we going to do with you?

You're not still in love with your ex like that you're in love with the memories, and you're so used to reaching for those memories whenever you were lonely or sad that now you don't know how to deal with it. This is something all of us have done. 

Learn to be comfortable being a little lonely and let yourself be as sad as you want to be for a while, without trying to avoid or mask it or any other emotion, and you won't be hurting as much. It's perfectly ok to miss having someone to hold but trying to fill that void with any man who will sleep with you is a recipe for another disastrous divorce. 

*"I am turning myself into a sex goddess. I will be a man's best fvck ever and forget about love haha"*
Ok, this right here is a huge red flag! NE you're talking about missing your ex husband, some guy you were with for about a month, and needing to feel loved, almost everyday.... Do you really think you can sleep around and not feel incredibly lonely and depressed having no real deep connections? If you want to get laid you can go ahead and do that, but the way you're talking it's almost like you're planning on using sex to avoid having to deal with the real problems.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> The post-filing, pre-finalizing of the divorce is a painful limbo.


Not painful for me, it's coming close to 2 years seperated and I've lived rather comfortably with our current arrangements. Her decision to refuse responsibility with the D is more of an annoyance but I'm frankly not bothered at present as there's no rush - I don't have a gf pushing me and sex with FWB is getting better and better (as we're getting to know each other's bodies very well)

One of the benefits of FWB vs ONS I guess


----------



## movealong

One of the blessings. and pitfalls, of being in AA is that the program suggests rigorous honesty.

I have been chatting with a young lady for a few days. She was pushing to meet, but I was hesitant. Finally I just told her that I am a recovering alcoholic and that my program comes first, followed by my kids, then everything else. If she was okay with that then, yes, we could meet. My honesty with her encouraged her to be honest as well. And I am thankful. She is positive for herpes. I am glad that she told me up front rather than waiting until there was a true connection that would lead to a physical relationship.

It is just a reminder that things will happen in the right time and that rushing things leads to poor outcomes.


----------



## RandomDude

> She is positive for herpes


Ah!

"I wanna love you but I better not touch...
I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop..."

Alice Cooper - Poison


----------



## whitehawk

Haha , l grew up on Alice , among lots of others. But Alice will always be special.
First concert l ever paid for to , Welcome to my nightmare. How ironic ! Maybe l shouldn't have brought that up :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> One of the blessings. and pitfalls, of being in AA is that the program suggests rigorous honesty.
> 
> I have been chatting with a young lady for a few days. She was pushing to meet, but I was hesitant. Finally I just told her that I am a recovering alcoholic and that my program comes first, followed by my kids, then everything else. If she was okay with that then, yes, we could meet. My honesty with her encouraged her to be honest as well. And I am thankful. She is positive for herpes. I am glad that she told me up front rather than waiting until there was a true connection that would lead to a physical relationship.
> 
> It is just a reminder that things will happen in the right time and that rushing things leads to poor outcomes.



So right l think move. Unfortunately to , there are a lot of let downs through date sites.
Although as one of my dates said - hell there's a lot of let downs in anything to do with the opposite sex for all of us no matter how you meet. Which is very true isn't it.

l must admit , l'm feeling pretty disheartened with it all myself. But l have been meeting plenty of people , at least that's something .
But nothings lead to anything worthwhile and unfortunately , l can't really say any of them really, have been my thing either really.


----------



## moxy

I got asked out by five guys this weekend, all of them hot as hell, in the mood to have some fun, and great with the sweet talk. I know I'm smitten with Guy (we appear to be on the outs because ... communication skills in our arrangement are lacking) because I would rather have been with him and so I didn't move beyond flirting with any of the others. Ugh. Feelings. Yeah, I'm doomed.


----------



## RandomDude

Five hot guys in one weekend? You must have looked absolutely stunning! Or you must have had no competition 

lol


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Five hot guys in one weekend? You must have looked absolutely stunning! Or you must have had no competition
> 
> 
> 
> lol



I don't know about that. Women get asked out often, just by existing. The trick is in figuring out whether that dude that can't stop trying to grab your @as is going to continue behaving like one after the novelty has worn off. I'm realizing that any one of these dudes would have been right up my alley if my feelings weren't elsewhere, but...apparently, they were.


----------



## TooNice

Dollystanford said:


> It absolutely defines something...until you're divorced you have to say 'well I'm separated, not quite divorced yet but in the pipeline, no not filed yet. Waiting for her/me to do it..'
> 
> It suggests that you're either not ready, not sure, still hanging on (whether or not that's true)
> 
> Divorce is definitive


Ever since I saw the paperwork last week, I've been feeling like I will actually feel a little better once he takes it in. I can clearly see now how having the clock started can be a huge step on my way toward moving forward.


----------



## TooNice

Although, the process would also be much easier for me if H would stop putting the moves on me. I'm partially to blame-I let it happen a few times out of selfishness. But now it's starting to just make me mad. 

Therapy item for this week. :/


----------



## whitehawk

l've been feeling pretty nervous about the future now that it's sinking in.


----------



## TooNice

whitehawk said:


> l've been feeling pretty nervous about the future now that it's sinking in.


I'd say that's a pretty normal thing to feel. It's such a long process, and we live with the idea of it for a long time. To have it come to an end point (and new beginning point) must bring powerful emotions with it. It's no longer theoretical.


----------



## Fenix

jpr said:


> ....I dated while I was separated. ....for full disclosure.
> 
> , I think I was pretty clear about not wanting anything serious at the time. But, looking back, I was in a totally different place than I am now. I was content with a superficial but fun relationshiop ....now, I want my rollercoaster to go somewhere.
> 
> But,again. Everyone has their story and their reasons for things.


That is exactly why I preferred separated guys. It placed boundaries on the 'relationship' and wouldn't let it develop into anything serious. I didn't want to get involved with anyone; I just wanted a FWB that was monogamous and destined to last for about 3 months and then, there would be a sweet, easy departure and a handshake. 

Or so I thought. Didn't work. 



whitehawk said:


> l've been feeling pretty nervous about the future now that it's sinking in.


Nervous is good. It shows excitement mixed with caution....perfect for your next phase.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I don't know about that. Women get asked out often, just by existing. The trick is in figuring out whether that dude that can't stop trying to grab your @as is going to continue behaving like one after the novelty has worn off. I'm realizing that any one of these dudes would have been right up my alley if my feelings weren't elsewhere, but...apparently, they were.


Sure but HOT guys - tis flattering no?


----------



## moxy

TooNice said:


> It's no longer theoretical.



This is exactly why it's painful for me. Anytime theory is executed, I feel like my control is gone. It took me a really, really, really long time to wrap my head around the reality of things.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> Anytime theory is executed, I feel like my control is gone.


Boy, do I agree. While we have known about the pending divorce for some time, we only told family and friends a few weeks ago. It brought things to a whole new level of reality then. Along with that, more of a lack of control, too. 

I'm getting pretty good at the whole "control what you can-everything else will fall into place" mantra.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Sure but HOT guys - tis flattering no?



Isn't it always flattering to know that someone admires you enough to see you as something special? Special for a night (rather than for a lifetime) is still special, after all. Rather than flattered, I felt guilty.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> l've been feeling pretty nervous about the future now that it's sinking in.





TooNice said:


> I'd say that's a pretty normal thing to feel. It's such a long process, and we live with the idea of it for a long time. To have it come to an end point (and new beginning point) must bring powerful emotions with it. It's no longer theoretical.


Many of us here are living proof you will survive...AND life can be better then it ever was  come on over to this side


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Isn't it always flattering to know that someone admires you enough to see you as something special? Special for a night (rather than for a lifetime) is still special, after all. Rather than flattered, I felt guilty.


Heh not really no, a pretty lady sure, tis flattering. A not so pretty lady... makes me rather uncomfortable! 

Anyway I don't see anything you should feel guilty about, it's not like you led on the guys or some such no?


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Heh not really no, a pretty lady sure, tis flattering. A not so pretty lady... makes me rather uncomfortable!


Wow. I don't know what to say to that.



RandomDude said:


> Anyway I don't see anything you should feel guilty about, it's not like you led on the guys or some such no?


I feel guilty because I don't know whether or not I'm betraying some boundary I don't know about. Things with my dude are casual (no commitment) but monogamous (allegedly, anyway); the parameters of this thing are totally ambiguous and neither one of us is communicating in a mature or sensible manner about it. I am pretty sure flirting is acceptable, but...where is the line? I have accidentally offended him on multiple occasions by not knowing the etiquette; I am outwardly gregarious and flirtatious, sometimes, but I've not hooked up with anyone else, and because I don't want to be clingy, I am sometimes too aloof and detached, appearing callous without meaning to. I felt guilty because I wondered how he would feel if he saw me; if he was doing what I was doing, I'd be sad...which means I need to chill out and be a little more reserved, I guess...except that I don't know if he's doing the same thing, though I should assume he is. Navigating the various shades of dating without knowing what you want is confusing.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I got asked out by five guys this weekend, all of them hot as hell, in the mood to have some fun, and great with the sweet talk. I know I'm smitten with Guy (we appear to be on the outs because ... communication skills in our arrangement are lacking) because I would rather have been with him and so I didn't move beyond flirting with any of the others. Ugh. Feelings. Yeah, I'm doomed.





RandomDude said:


> Five hot guys in one weekend? You must have looked absolutely stunning! Or you must have had no competition
> 
> lol


I imagine Ms. Moxy as being extremely sexy! She is also very beautiful, sexy and beautiful makes a lethal combination!


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l've been feeling pretty nervous about the future now that it's sinking in.


I am terrified about the future as well. 
Nsweet is absolutely right when he says I deflect real emotions and choose to camouflage them with other less painful feelings.

Before, if asked about the future. I would have said, I would just run away and become a bum if things did not work out (I would like to do that).
That is also a defense mechanism. I need to be an adult.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I imagine Ms. Moxy as being extremely sexy! She is also very beautiful, sexy and beautiful makes a lethal combination!



You flatter me with your kindness. I think I am just weird and that makes people curious.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I am terrified about the future as well.
> 
> Nsweet is absolutely right when he says I deflect real emotions and choose to camouflage them with other less painful feelings.
> 
> 
> 
> Before, if asked about the future. I would have said, I would just run away and become a bum if things did not work out (I would like to do that).
> 
> That is also a defense mechanism. I need to be an adult.



I think that a lot of on here are trying to chart a course for the future....but it means redrawing the maps of our worlds, first. That isn't easy by any means. The cartography of the heart is a dangerous game.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am terrified about the future as well.
> Nsweet is absolutely right when he says I deflect real emotions and choose to camouflage them with other less painful feelings.
> 
> Before, if asked about the future. I would have said, I would just run away and become a bum if things did not work out (I would like to do that).
> That is also a defense mechanism. I need to be an adult.


NE this is something we are all guilty of. 

You know what terrifies me? Intimacy. 

Yep, I get so uncomfortable around women and with personal relationships that I just sort of shut down emotionally when things get too personal. And this was not something that happened when I was married or even during my divorce.

Imagine being so comfortable around the opposite sex until they remind you of something you don't want to remember that terrifies you. It's extremely uncomfortable. And I was raised in a very hugging family.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I imagine Ms. Moxy as being extremely sexy! She is also very beautiful, sexy and beautiful makes a lethal combination!


She is. She's very beautiful and voluptuous. Funny too!

Tell them moxy.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Imagine being so comfortable around the opposite sex until they remind you of something you don't want to remember that terrifies you. QUOTE]
> 
> That is so spot on


----------



## unsure78

Stupid anti depressants/anxiety withdrawals. ..uggg been slowly weaning off so slowly over the last few months and down to the last amount. ...its been making me crabby, tired, and anxious.

Its great that these things work but they are a b1tch to get of off... 

Sorry just need to vent...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Stupid anti depressants/anxiety withdrawals. ..uggg been slowly weaning off so slowly over the last few months and down to the last amount. ...its been making me crabby, tired, and anxious.
> 
> Its great that these things work but they are a b1tch to get of off...
> 
> Sorry just need to vent...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why are you not taking your meds?


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Why are you not taking your meds?


Time to wean off ive been on them for a year...I only got back on them cause I was depressed after the engy and I broke up... im in a good place now so time to go off...ive been working on it for months...therapist knows...but like last time the last mg or so is tough...makes me cranky and anxious

I didnt have them as a permanent solution just to help carry me over in a time I needed it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Time to wean off ive been on them for a year...I only got back on them cause I was depressed after the engy and I broke up... im in a good place now so time to go off...ive been working on it for months...therapist knows...but like last time the last mg or so is tough...makes me cranky and anxious
> 
> I didnt have them as a permanent solution just to help carry me over in a time I needed it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you sure? Generally people who need psychiatric medication say they "feel fine" when the pills are working and think they don't need them when they really do. 

How much caffeine are you taking? Antidepressants and caffeine addiction can go together and make the withdraws for both just terrible. I had to double up on my antidepressants to cut down on coffee.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Time to wean off ive been on them for a year...I only got back on them cause I was depressed after the engy and I broke up... im in a good place now so time to go off...ive been working on it for months...therapist knows...but like last time the last mg or so is tough...makes me cranky and anxious
> 
> I didnt have them as a permanent solution just to help carry me over in a time I needed it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WOnderful for you!
Be *****y and crabby all you need 


on unrelated news, my family is watching the world cup and I all I am thinking about is
I do not want to jump out of an airplane.....
Going skydiving next Saturday


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Are you sure? Generally people who need psychiatric medication say they "feel fine" when the pills are working and think they don't need them when they really do.
> 
> How much caffeine are you taking? Antidepressants and caffeine addiction can go together and make the withdraws for both just terrible. I had to double up on my antidepressants to cut down on coffee.


No caffeine at all havent had any for months. ... yea im ok it takes about week or two for me to adjust back from every step down..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> No caffeine at all havent had any for months. ... yea im ok it takes about week or two for me to adjust back from every step down..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's good that you're doing it the proper way, slowly getting off of them and letting your therapist know. Most people go cold turkey and can have some serious problems.

Once you're off them for good, you will have to start working on yourself to get the chemical balance on your own (stimulation etc).


----------



## moxy

Unsure, I'm sorry you're going through that. You've gotten through before, so you know what to expect, at least. Of course, sometimes, knowing can be annoying, too. Does it help to vent about it? It does for me.

NSweet, thanks for the kind words.  

NE, we all get edgy and insecure sometimes. We screw up when we want intimacy but don't trust enough to receive it. And, then, we look for it on ways we know won't satisfy us. I have behaved less than great with Guy, all because I was afraid that he wouldn't really like me, and it's caused problems, but also made me feel like a bad person. The great thing about recognizing our bad habits is that we can find a way to change them once we see what they are. For me...I have to risk vulnerability and let go of control. For you, maybe you should figure out what you truly want, regardless of what you're afraid of. From the outside, it looks like you want to be in a loving relationship; I think that means you have to determine whether it not the person you're with can give you that. You're worth whatever you allow yourself to be worth. If you say you only want something fleeting and devoid if feeling when it's not really true, you'll find that line of dudes that want you, but you'll also feel hollow because it satisfies nothing except the fear that you'll not get what you want. You're not over your ex. You're not over blue eyes. You ARE over army guy and Irish. Try again, but with your filters set on someone who might be able to give you what you want. I just want more of guy, but I'm giving the impression that I don't care beyond getting off (which isn't true); he's not the hottest, richest, fittest, most accomplished, or unusual of the people I've been talking to, but..,he has integrity and honor and restraint and just looking at him makes me blush and he happens to be the only one I want right now. So, fear or not, next time I'm with him (if he calls me), I have to behave like there's no one else in the world and nowhere else to be, because that's how I feel. And it's the scariest thing in the world because...who wants up try for something real and fail at it? That heartbreak hurts. But, even if shutting down feels safe, it simply ensures that the fear wins.


----------



## moxy

Sorry about the typos. Autocorrect.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> You're not over blue eyes.


Funny you should say that.
I agree with you. We actually have ended our thing three times, each time, he has called me back. I am fine when things are done, I am fine when he does not call, but...

I had a dream about him last night. I have dreamed about him 4x now.
Latest dream was very cool!

My family and I were on vacation at a beautiful villa somewhere in the rockies. THe villa sat on top of a hill, there was a pathway coming down.The sun had just dropped down in the horizon and I could see the full moon shining very brighty. 
My nieces and I were walking down the pathway, next to the path ran an old fence. We saw a bunch of wild dogs running towards us, I told my nieces to leave that I would handle these dogs.
The fence was able to hold off all but one of these dogs. 
This dog attacked me, scratched my arms pretty badly when I grabbed his head. I had deep scratches in my arms, but I knew I was stronger than this feral dog, and opened its jaw, broke it in half and threw its carcass on the ground.
I looked up the hill towards the villa, looking for my nieces and I saw blue eyes running down the villa, that unbeknownst to me was his, he had a very concerned look on his eye. Running behind him was a 10 year old boy, his son (I have no idea whether he has any children in real life).

Blue eyes said I needed to be taken to the hospital immediately because the dog could have rabbies. He had a car my nieces could borrow to drive me to the hospital
As my niece and I are walking towards the car I can see the wounds in my arms are not longer bleeding and are actually healing. I am perplexed but want to reach the hospital immediately. 
We reach the car but it became an old wooden box, so obviously we could not drive it.
I was extremely angry with blue eyes because the car became a wooden box!

I went looking for him, but could not find him, I found a church instead. I went inside the church and sat down on a bench. I was sad, I knew the wounds fading wasn't a great omen. Something was seriously wrong.
Blue eyes came in the church, sat behind me on same bench so that my back was against his chest. He put his arms around me and said he was really sorry.
I said nothing, instead kept looking at the wounds that were more of fresh scars now.

He repeated how sorry he was because the dog was actually a wolf, and I would soon turn into a werewolf. He could not have that, so he had to consider more options. I thought he would kill me, and I did not care if I would die.
He then said there was a procedure he could do on me to suppress the wolfish strain, I could survive, not become a werewolf yet have wolfish traits. He said this procedure was extremely dangerous. He had only performed it on his ex wife, she did not survive it.
I felt his arms around me, I did not care either way. 


I woke up!


----------



## moxy

That's one heck of a dream. You should keep a dream journal, if you don't already. After several months, talk to your therapist about your dreams. (That's not me being judgey; I keep a dream journal myself and think a lot about dreams and nightmares.)


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> It's good that you're doing it the proper way, slowly getting off of them and letting your therapist know. Most people go cold turkey and can have some serious problems.
> 
> Once you're off them for good, you will have to start working on yourself to get the chemical balance on your own (stimulation etc).


Lol ive done it both ways before and I couldn't handle cutting quick...made me dizzy for weeks.... slow and steady wins for me...I was off them successfully before and did ok... so I assume the same this time...I have actually started running again with the bf once or twice a week, that helps...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> Lol ive done it both ways before and I couldn't handle cutting quick...made me dizzy for weeks.... slow and steady wins for me...I was off them successfully before and did ok... so I assume the same this time...I have actually started running again with the bf once or twice a week, that helps...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Heck yeah it helps.

I once took an antidepressant for my back pain years ago. I stopped it all of a sudden one day and man, I went through some serious withdraw. Haha.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Heck yeah it helps.
> 
> I once took an antidepressant for my back pain years ago. I stopped it all of a sudden one day and man, I went through some serious withdraw. Haha.


You took an antidepressant for your back pain?


----------



## unsure78

So whats everyone been up to? I need some distraction...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

unsure78 said:


> So whats everyone been up to? I need some distraction...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm apartment hunting today. It's been 14 years, and I've very quickly been reminded of something.

I despise apartment hunting. :/


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> So whats everyone been up to? I need some distraction...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Procrastination..... looking up crazy questions on google, like I found the first porn ever to be put online..... Watching Hell Boy, and planning my workout for tomorrow.:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> So whats everyone been up to? I need some distraction...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


being lazy, hating the hot weather, and trying to find out why I am not attracted to Alpha males.

BTW does anyone know of any dream interpretation forums?


----------



## unsure78

TooNice said:


> I'm apartment hunting today. It's been 14 years, and I've very quickly been reminded of something.
> 
> I despise apartment hunting. :/


Whats your story too nice? I dont know youe background
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Procrastination..... looking up crazy questions on google, like I found the first porn ever to be put online..... Watching Hell Boy, and planning my workout for tomorrow.:smthumbup:


Lol I havent seen hell boy in years... are you still running with your group?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> being lazy, hating the hot weather, and trying to find out why I am not attracted to Alpha males.
> 
> BTW does anyone know of any dream interpretation forums?


Really you are not attracted to alphas? What are you attracted to then?

No dont know anything of dream interpretation. ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

unsure78 said:


> Whats your story too nice? I dont know youe background
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...on/176729-my-journal-making-about-me-now.html


----------



## TooNice

Started to hang out here as I transition form going through divorce to being divorced. Papers should be filed this week, I think.

I posted this today as well. Gives a better picture of where I am as of this moment.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/206618-learning-limbo.html


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Really you are not attracted to alphas? What are you attracted to then?
> 
> No dont know anything of dream interpretation. ...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No idea, but apparently I am not.
Dated an Alpha male back when I was single. Did not like him at all. I remember finding him too ****y
army guy is definitely an Alpha male, there was an initial spark but after a while, I just felt very comfortable around him and well nothing else. Their attitude turns me off.


----------



## Nsweet

unsure78 said:


> Lol I havent seen hell boy in years... are you still running with your group?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. 

It's been killing me lately though....


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> So whats everyone been up to? I need some distraction...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Grading papers, obsessing over feeling frustrated, and trying to keep my two cats from fighting because both of them want to sit on my laptop, even though I'm trying to type on it.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> No idea, but apparently I am not.
> Dated an Alpha male back when I was single. Did not like him at all. I remember finding him too ****y


People like to use the term "Alpha" male a lot. Sometimes, people are just jerks. It's one thing for a man to be a strong, decisive leader and something else for a man to be an inconsiderate, pushy jerk. A man who is capable of being a good leader might urge you to test your boundaries after consideration of your qualities and needs, but a man who calls himself an Alpha might just push right past them without regard for you while he is looking for a shortcut to respect or privilege to which he believes himself entitled. In common parlance, "Alpha" has come to stand in for masculine qualities of leadership, strength, heroism, or power, but it isn't really discussed with enough analytical support or depth to carry its weight in every instance; in the animal kingdom an alpha male must earn the right to be one through risk and prowess.

There is not a thing wrong with preferring a gentleman to a brute.


----------



## unsure78

TooNice said:


> Started to hang out here as I transition form going through divorce to being divorced. Papers should be filed this week, I think.
> 
> I posted this today as well. Gives a better picture of where I am as of this moment.
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/206618-learning-limbo.html


Wow toonice...you have one of the most amicable D I have ever seen on this site...kudos to you (and stbxh) for handling this all with grace and maturity. ... I think you have a great head on your shoulders and you will be fine!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> No idea, but apparently I am not.
> Dated an Alpha male back when I was single. Did not like him at all. I remember finding him too ****y
> army guy is definitely an Alpha male, there was an initial spark but after a while, I just felt very comfortable around him and well nothing else. Their attitude turns me off.


So what are you attracted too? I dont think you like betas either...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
> 
> It's been killing me lately though....


Yea you have a lot going on with the training and everything else... im proud of you for making it this far nsweet 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Grading papers, obsessing over feeling frustrated, and trying to keep my two cats from fighting because both of them want to sit on my laptop, even though I'm trying to type on it.


Lol I know how the animal thing goes...at one time I had 2 dogs and three cats...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Oh and toonice it will be much easier once you are not living together. ..if you are still living togther old habits are hard to break.... focus on detachment once you get out. I know its hard but it for the best if you want to move on...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

Thanks for the kind words. I know I will be just fine, but being here with him every day is getting harder and harder. I don't like to be the one pushing the issue of filing and apartment searching, but I know I getting my own place needs to happen as soon as possible. 

This site helps a ton.


----------



## unsure78

TooNice said:


> Thanks for the kind words. I know I will be just fine, but being here with him every day is getting harder and harder. I don't like to be the one pushing the issue of filing and apartment searching, but I know I getting my own place needs to happen as soon as possible.
> 
> This site helps a ton.


Yes TAM can be great, you can learn so much about relationships and even life if you take the time to look around for a while
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> It's one thing for a man to be a strong, decisive leader and something else for a man to be an inconsiderate, pushy jerk. A man who is capable of being a good leader might urge you to test your boundaries after consideration of your qualities and needs.


army guy is definitely a good leader, alpha type.



unsure78 said:


> So what are you attracted too? I dont think you like betas either...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


no idea 

Oh... fyi.
I told you all about the experience I had at a magic show with a mentalist, his name is Gerry McCambridge, in Vegas. Apparently, if I were to believe what he "felt" by listening to my voice and touching the index card I wrote my name and questions on, I am a very confident woman. At least on the outside, I portray a lot of confidence but sometimes can be construed as patronizing ><


----------



## Nsweet

Anyone remember ascii movies?
http://8wayrun.com/attachments/130640__468x_sexy-ascii-art-gif.13952/

Hard to believe people got off on this.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Wow. I don't know what to say to that.


Yes I'm shallow I know 



> I feel guilty because I don't know whether or not I'm betraying some boundary I don't know about. Things with my dude are casual (no commitment) but monogamous (allegedly, anyway); *the parameters of this thing are totally ambiguous and neither one of us is communicating in a mature or sensible manner about it.* I am pretty sure flirting is acceptable, but...where is the line? I have accidentally offended him on multiple occasions by not knowing the etiquette; I am outwardly gregarious and flirtatious, sometimes, but I've not hooked up with anyone else, and because I don't want to be clingy, I am sometimes too aloof and detached, appearing callous without meaning to. I felt guilty because I wondered how he would feel if he saw me; if he was doing what I was doing, I'd be sad...which means I need to chill out and be a little more reserved, I guess...except that I don't know if he's doing the same thing, though I should assume he is. Navigating the various shades of dating without knowing what you want is confusing.


:scratchhead:

Then why not have a chat?


----------



## Another Planet

TooNice said:


> Thanks for the kind words. I know I will be just fine, but being here with him every day is getting harder and harder. I don't like to be the one pushing the issue of filing and apartment searching, but I know I getting my own place needs to happen as soon as possible.
> 
> *This site helps a ton*.


Come on in, the waters fine


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> So what are you attracted too? I dont think you like betas either...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does anyone ever really like REAL betas other then abusers?


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Yes I'm shallow I know
> 
> 
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> Then why not have a chat?


Wow yeah I totally agree with RD :iagree:
What can it hurt...oh the truth comes out?! Great now you can live in reality :smthumbup:


----------



## SoVeryLost

Nsweet said:


> Anyone remember ascii movies?
> http://8wayrun.com/attachments/130640__468x_sexy-ascii-art-gif.13952/
> 
> Hard to believe people got off on this.


Not gonna lie, that was sorta cool. Must've been before my time!


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, for any relationship - friendship or even a FWB relationship to succeed, communication is key to avoid misunderstandings.


----------



## Nsweet

SoVeryLost said:


> Not gonna lie, that was sorta cool. Must've been before my time!


Look up "Deep ASCII".:smthumbup:


----------



## SoVeryLost

Nsweet said:


> Look up "Deep ASCII".:smthumbup:


Mind = blown


----------



## Nsweet

I have a chapter one exam tomorrow, 50-60 questions, one hour timed, and I didn't study at all this weekend. I read over the notes I scratched out on Thursday while I was freaking out thinking it would be that day, then again on Friday and a quick glance on Saturday. I feel I know it pretty well, but I have to get a 95% on everything in order to pass with 3 chances to take everything over. 

Why am I freaking out right now?


----------



## TooNice

Nsweet said:


> Why am I freaking out right now?


Deep breath. Spend a little more time. You'll do fine.

What are you taking a class for?


----------



## Nsweet

TooNice said:


> Deep breath. Spend a little more time. You'll do fine.
> 
> What are you taking a class for?


It's an IT class given only to veterans who qualify. 12 weeks of actual class covering 12 chapters, 10 weeks of paid internship, and by then I should be working with some big company. 

I'm just very stressed with my situation right now. I can't think clearly around lots and lots of people talking.


----------



## TooNice

Nsweet said:


> It's an IT class given only to veterans who qualify. 12 weeks of actual class covering 12 chapters, 10 weeks of paid internship, and by then I should be working with some big company.
> 
> I'm just very stressed with my situation right now. I can't think clearly around lots and lots of people talking.


Like I said earlier, my mantra right now is taking control of what I can. This is one of those things. You've got this. 

Report back tomorrow!


----------



## Nsweet

TooNice said:


> Like I said earlier, my mantra right now is taking control of what I can. This is one of those things. You've got this.
> 
> Report back tomorrow!


It's 11PM and I think I've got this. I'm just rewriting my notes ~18 pages left, and it's really not freaking me out anymore.


----------



## movealong

Goodness! You know, just having the confidence to email some of the women on match.com has REALLY made a difference in my outlook on the dating life. My ex was very pretty, and maybe it is just that guys are too scared to email them, but all of the gorgeous (IMO) women that I have contacted have been really receptive. I think it helps though that I am polite and don't send a Congressman Weiner photo when they reply! 

But what makes it so much better, for me, is that they are contacting me as well. I have a lunch date for Friday, and I am working on a date for Saturday. Wowzers! :smthumbup:

Heck, I think I may even buy a new set of golf clubs to go embarrass myself with for one of the ladies! :rofl: Her looks, attitude, and intelligent conversation has me a little taken aback. I am trying my damnedest to maintain the conversation without coming across as over eager.

I cannot wait until Friday morning when the judge signs the decree and it is officially done.


----------



## moxy

You'll ace it, NSweet. You got this, man!


----------



## RandomDude

Gotta love an intelligent/deep conversation with a woman, I don't seem to find them around my age group though. But maybe tis because 8/10 has become a minimum standard so I ended up going for the women who reckon looks > brains lol

But meh I dunno, current FWB isn't stupid, but still no real spark either than the desire to play with each other's parts


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> Look up "Deep ASCII".:smthumbup:


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Ascii Disco - Strassen - YouTube

Nsweet buddy you are into some weird shvt ROFLOLOLOLOL
OMG I can't stop laughing...you guys have to watch the whole thing


----------



## moxy

Grr. I'm mopey and frustrated today. Maybe I just need to go hook up with one of these dudes that are blowing up my phone this morning. Seems a bit early in the week, though. And, work to do...


----------



## ne9907

Just had to share
according to my therapist, I am fishing at the bottom of the pool....

oh and my ex husband could very well be a narcissistic sociopath.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Just had to share
> according to my therapist, I am fishing at the bottom of the pool....
> 
> oh and my ex husband could very well be a narcissistic sociopath.


Why are you fishing at the bottom of the pool? How can you meet better fish? Do you want to?

It will take time to get over your ex. Hang in there. I know it sucks, but...by figuring out what issues you have from this relationship, you might be able to meet someone better who does not have the same traits.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Why are you fishing at the bottom of the pool? How can you meet better fish? Do you want to?
> 
> It will take time to get over your ex. Hang in there. I know it sucks, but...by figuring out what issues you have from this relationship, you might be able to meet someone better who does not have the same traits.


that is uncharted territory. We will discuss it in future sessions.
Well, the issues I have is that i never felt good enough for ex, and I tried and tried to prove myself and him wrong. 
This esteems from a childhood where nothing I did seemed good enough for my parents and siblings, never felt loved by them.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I haven't been here in a week, just now caught up! Where is Bandit??


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> I haven't been here in a week, just now caught up! Where is Bandit??



No idea. Hopefully, having lots of fun!


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> No idea. Hopefully, having lots of fun!


I'm still in Denver. Trying to wrap this job up. Things are going well with Syrian and I. We had an awesome 4th of July weekend. She's been staying at my condo while her house is being repainted on the inside. I hope she doesn't redecorate. She did that once and I kinda went caveman on her and told her not to do that again.

Don't mess with my sh!t woman.........


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> Why are you fishing at the bottom of the pool? How can you meet better fish? Do you want to?
> 
> It will take time to get over your ex. Hang in there. I know it sucks, but...by figuring out what issues you have from this relationship, you might be able to meet someone better who does not have the same traits.


Don't worry, a lot of ex's are narcissistic sociopaths. That's why they tend to become ex's. And where else would we find them but at the bottom of the pool?

Thing is, sociopaths are not stupid, they know how to play to your/our sense of higher intelligence. To find a decent human being you need to turn off some smarts and logic and turn on some "stupid" and gut reactions (that's to stop making excuses with your higher intellect for things that feel wrong at a basic level.)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

In other news, I received an invite to Australia to visit.
Just will have to tell my work partner I'm extending my vacation, if the schedules work out on both ends.


----------



## ne9907

I totally feel like a whiny little b!tch today....

I totally need to embrace being single and enjoy it!


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> I totally feel like a whiny little b!tch today....
> 
> I totally need to embrace being single and enjoy it!


I am. The D is final Friday. I am going to start living again. I have my daughter, my home, my life. Sooner it is in the rearview the faster i can move on.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I totally feel like a whiny little b!tch today....
> 
> 
> 
> I totally need to embrace being single and enjoy it!



Right there with ya, ne. Sometimes, being whiny is a way of purging the emotional stuff we don't know how to deal with. As long as it isn't a perpetual state, I think it can be helpful.


----------



## whoareyou

movealong said:


> I am. The D is final Friday. I am going to start living again. I have my daughter, my home, my life. Sooner it is in the rearview the faster i can move on.


PEARL JAM LYRICS - Rearviewmirror


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I am. The D is final Friday. I am going to start living again. I have my daughter, my home, my life. Sooner it is in the rearview the faster i can move on.



Haha Move . Your dying to get your hands on some of the women out there aren't ya :rofl:
That is a really good thing and great way to feel in these times.
Have fun eh :smthumbup: , not long now !


----------



## whitehawk

unsure78 said:


> Wow toonice...you have one of the most amicable D I have ever seen on this site...kudos to you (and stbxh) for handling this all with grace and maturity. ... I think you have a great head on your shoulders and you will be fine!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We were always admired as a couple and now,weird, the same people are basically saying to us what you just said to Too.
Spose it's gotta be better than ugliness though so l suppose it's a good thing, it is for my daughter l know that much, that's all that matters in it all now so , whatever l guess.


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Haha Move . Your dying to get your hands on some of the women out there aren't ya :rofl:
> That is a really good thing and great way to feel in these times.
> Have fun eh :smthumbup: , not long now !


Getting my hands on them will be a bonus! LOL! Right now I just want to get back in the fray and mix it up a bit. I have lunch dates on Friday and Saturday, and I am chatting with a woman and hope to set something up next week. Only difficulty with the last one is she is a little older than me and her kids are out of the house. My two oldest are out, but DD#3 won't graduate for 6 years, lol!

I learned early in life that fear can paralyze. I know I am a good man, and I know that there is someone out there that will be a good match. I am not going to sit around and be passive and hope that she happens into my realm. That doesn't mean I am in a hurry to get in a LTR, but companionship will be nice.

When I was talking to my sons about dating when they were younger, I explained it to them as it being similar to trying on new clothes. Some of it looks cool, but doesn't fit; some of it fits well, but makes your skin itch because it isn't the right cloth; and some of it fits well and doesn't itch, but can wear thin quickly. If you find one that fits well, doesn't itch, and doesn't wear thin quickly, keep "wearing it" and see where it goes.

So far, I have had a date with a blonde, set up a date with a red head, and am trying to set up a date with a brunette. Gotta try on the different styles!


----------



## moxy

Great attitude, movealong.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow, I was just perusing other areas of TAM and see that Caribbean Man got banned! Crazy. I have never seen him be anything but fair and eloquent in his posts.


----------



## movealong

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, I was just perusing other areas of TAM and see that Caribbean Man got banned! Crazy. I have never seen him be anything but fair and eloquent in his posts.


Wait! What?!?! I hope it is temporary. I really enjoy reading his posts.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> Getting my hands on them will be a bonus! LOL! Right now I just want to get back in the fray and mix it up a bit. I have lunch dates on Friday and Saturday, and I am chatting with a woman and hope to set something up next week. Only difficulty with the last one is she is a little older than me and her kids are out of the house. My two oldest are out, but DD#3 won't graduate for 6 years, lol!
> 
> I learned early in life that fear can paralyze. I know I am a good man, and I know that there is someone out there that will be a good match. I am not going to sit around and be passive and hope that she happens into my realm. That doesn't mean I am in a hurry to get in a LTR, but companionship will be nice.
> 
> When I was talking to my sons about dating when they were younger, I explained it to them as it being similar to trying on new clothes. Some of it looks cool, but doesn't fit; some of it fits well, but makes your skin itch because it isn't the right cloth; and some of it fits well and doesn't itch, but can wear thin quickly. If you find one that fits well, doesn't itch, and doesn't wear thin quickly, keep "wearing it" and see where it goes.
> 
> So far, I have had a date with a blonde, set up a date with a red head, and am trying to set up a date with a brunette. Gotta try on the different styles!


Great attitude Movealong :smthumbup:
Make sure you don't mind trying on something new too! I never would have picked my GF out of a line up but man am I so happy we tried it out cause she is something else I have never experienced and it is good.


----------



## moxy

movealong said:


> Wait! What?!?! I hope it is temporary. I really enjoy reading his posts.


What!? That's so weird.


----------



## ne9907

I found a forum dedicated to dream interpretation, it is:

dreammoods.com

I posted the dream I had, and here are the two responses.

1. A few young girls mean a happiness on the way.
But Dog is interpreted as an ignoble but kind enemy.
If dreamt a dog barked at you means an enemy will tell u a rude word.
If dreamt a dog bit you someone will hurt u or won't pay your money.


If one dreamt entered a fence means will be safe from an enemy.
If dreamt got out a fence or someone threw u out means the rival will overcome
u.

A wooden box means a woman, wood also means a lie.
A church means a wise scientist.
Wolf means a partner.

2. Basically, your unconscious mind seems to be saying what you thought in the church: something is wrong. The moon points to dark unconscious impulses in action. The ferocious dog that was actually a wolf might be a symbol of the fact that blue eyes' aggressiveness (if he ever treats you in an abusive way) might be a manifestation of a psychopathic personality, even if you "heal from his bites" soon enough (he may be very persuasive in his apologies, and holding you from behind suggests manipulation that your conscious doesn't detect). The car that is turned into a wooden box suggests that at some point you may feel paralysed and incapable of living a normal life. The risk of contamination exists too- developing "wolfish traits". Do you know anything about the first wife who "didn't survive his procedure"? Whatever he offers you in real life probably won't be uninterested. These are just a few general impressions.


My own interpretation after reading both responses, is that I would like blue eyes to "save me" from the pain ex husband caused me. But realistically, it will not happen. Stupid mind of mine! I totally need to build a bridge and get over ex husband because the old saying "if you wanna get over someone, get under someone" DOES not work


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, I was just perusing other areas of TAM and see that Caribbean Man got banned! Crazy. I have never seen him be anything but fair and eloquent in his posts.


He was banned because he specifically went against something the the Mods said not to do, and if anyone did, they would receive a ban. He went against this and hence, the banning.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> My own interpretation after reading both responses, is that I would like blue eyes to "save me" from the pain ex husband caused me. But realistically, it will not happen. Stupid mind of mine! I totally need to build a bridge and get over ex husband because the old saying "if you wanna get over someone, get under someone" DOES not work


Good for you that you're analyzing your dreams to figure out your feelings and desires! I think that you have a lot of leftover emotional scars from your ex-husband, but you've been trying to date your way to emotional healing. I think it comes across in how you choose your dates and how you feel about them, or at least what you've said here. How awesome that you are aware of this, now, and can use it to your advantage in figuring things out. I agree with your statement that to get over your ex, you have to confront those ideas directly rather than indirectly through others. 

How long has it been since you and your ex divorced? Have you dated anyone who didn't have the traits that your ex had that caused you emotional distress, like someone who is his exact opposite?


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> He was banned because he specifically went against something the the Mods said not to do, and if anyone did, they would receive a ban. He went against this and hence, the banning.


That seems pretty straightforward.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Good for you that you're analyzing your dreams to figure out your feelings and desires! I think that you have a lot of leftover emotional scars from your ex-husband, but you've been trying to date your way to emotional healing. I think it comes across in how you choose your dates and how you feel about them, or at least what you've said here. How awesome that you are aware of this, now, and can use it to your advantage in figuring things out. I agree with your statement that to get over your ex, you have to confront those ideas directly rather than indirectly through others.
> 
> How long has it been since you and your ex divorced? Have you dated anyone who didn't have the traits that your ex had that caused you emotional distress, like someone who is his exact opposite?


After reading both interpretations and coming up with my own, I thought to myself that I want to be my own savior! The mere thought thrilled me so much!
Of course there will be dark days ahead, I had a very dark evening yesterday. I spent myself crying. My eyes are so puffy and to top it all off, I think I am getting the flu! 

army guy is actually very different from ex husband. So was irish guy. My ex is a decent guy who made wrong choices in our marriage. He loved me but never wanted to be tied down and wanted to experience single life, is that real love?
Figures, ex once said to me that he will always love me if only because it will be a constant reminder of what he lost whenever he decides to get in a serious relationship again, this way he will be a good husband and does not **** it up.

haha, i get so into the responses i forget. Have only been divorced for about four months. Right after it, I went on a dating spree (like seven different one-time dates) haha, that is a dating spree for me. Blue eyes was the only one who qualified for a second date, and third, and fourth, and so forth.


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> You'll ace it, NSweet. You got this, man!


I got a 74.4 the first time I took it and an 81.4 the second. I was just so tired I couldn't remember what I had just gone over and kept second guessing myself. 

I'll get a 100 now that I've gotten some sleep.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Have only been divorced for about four months. Right after it, I went on a dating spree (like seven different one-time dates) haha, that is a dating spree for me.


Four months is not a long time. That explains why things seem so stressful. I didn't date for two and a half years after my marriage failed (and I'm pretty sure yours lasted much longer than mine). It's just going to take time and experience to get past it. For now, all you have to worry about is having fun for a while, right?  If it's fun, go for it. If it isn't, then let it go.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> I got a 74.4 the first time I took it and an 81.4 the second. I was just so tired I couldn't remember what I had just gone over and kept second guessing myself.
> 
> I'll get a 100 now that I've gotten some sleep.


Study hard, sleep well, eat something. Take it when you're ready to and you'll succeed.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I got a 74.4 the first time I took it and an 81.4 the second. I was just so tired I couldn't remember what I had just gone over and kept second guessing myself.
> 
> I'll get a 100 now that I've gotten some sleep.


:smthumbup:

always go with your first answer! Do not second guess yourself


----------



## Nsweet

moxy said:


> Study hard, sleep well, eat something. Take it when you're ready to and you'll succeed.


It's only 21 questions that are going to be the exact same taking it today but in different order. I remember all of them now.:smthumbup:



ne9907 said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> always go with your first answer! Do not second guess yourself


I know, that's what the military taught me and I didn't follow that this time.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I know, that's what the military taught me and I didn't follow that this time.


haha
I was thought the same exact thing!


----------



## movealong

Okay, so your politics are important to you. I see that you list yourself as a liberal, I list as a conservative, and when you bring it up, I explain that because I am socially liberal but fiscally conservative, you freak out? Look, it's a dating site, not a political discussion board. I said "I don't care what you do, who or what you do it with, so long as it doesn't cost me to help you do it". If you can't respect that, then MOVE on, I did.

/rant

And why the heck did you contact me if you saw that? LOL!


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> Okay, so your politics are important to you. I see that you list yourself as a liberal, I list as a conservative, and when you bring it up, I explain that because I am socially liberal but fiscally conservative, you freak out? Look, it's a dating site, not a political discussion board. I said "I don't care what you do, who or what you do it with, so long as it doesn't cost me to help you do it". If you can't respect that, then MOVE on, I did.
> 
> /rant
> 
> And why the heck did you contact me if you saw that? LOL!


Thems fightin words! 
Sounds like someone who likes to test the waters...could be a good time you never know. Nothing wrong with a good discussion


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> Thems fightin words!
> Sounds like someone who likes to test the waters...could be a good time you never know. Nothing wrong with a good discussion


The most idiotic thing about politics, imo, is that people have been convinced that they "need" to belong to a political party. I have spent the better part of my adult life explaining why I have never registered for either of the two main parties. Independent. People hear that word and they usually give me a blank stare. What is this "Independent" you speak of?

It means I vote for the person that most reflects my beliefs, not for a party line. Sandra Fluke and Rush Limbaugh are opposite sides of the same coin, imo.

Trying to discuss...not debate...why I think gay marriage is okay but me paying for it is not, is not healthy to any relationship. I just don't think it is the government's job to use tax money to subsidize so many unneeded social programs. 

Meh. I had some friends that wanted polygamy legalized, and some gay friends when I was in the Bay Area, and I have some ******* friends. Sometimes they have a hard time understanding how I can be friends with the diverse groups. When I tell them it is because I think for myself, they usually just shake their head and the conversation changes topics.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Thems fightin words!
> Sounds like someone who likes to test the waters...could be a good time you never know. Nothing wrong with a good discussion


:iagree:

Last guy I was speaking with was wearing a Raiders jersey in one of his pictures. I do not lilke the raiders.
So I sent him a playful message how I could not find anything wrong with him but his Raiders jersey.

He seemed to like it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> The most idiotic thing about politics, imo, is that people have been convinced that they "need" to belong to a political party. I have spent the better part of my adult life explaining why I have never registered for either of the two main parties. Independent. People hear that word and they usually give me a blank stare. What is this "Independent" you speak of?
> 
> It means I vote for the person that most reflects my beliefs, not for a party line. Sandra Fluke and Rush Limbaugh are opposite sides of the same coin, imo.
> 
> Trying to discuss...not debate...why I think gay marriage is okay but me paying for it is not, is not healthy to any relationship. I just don't think it is the government's job to use tax money to subsidize so many unneeded social programs.
> 
> Meh. I had some friends that wanted polygamy legalized, and some gay friends when I was in the Bay Area, and I have some ******* friends. Sometimes they have a hard time understanding how I can be friends with the diverse groups. When I tell them it is because I think for myself, they usually just shake their head and the conversation changes topics.


I HATE politics. I prefer not to talk about it, because it turns everyone into a$$holes.  I remember it was very important to NoChem that his match agree with his POV politically. Which I did NOT, not even close. He had the attitude when it was discussed that HE was right and anyone with a different viewpoint was wrong, and that kind of thing doesnt sit well with me. You can discuss opposing views without coming off that way. Politics...yuck.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> Okay, so your politics are important to you. I see that you list yourself as a liberal, I list as a conservative, and when you bring it up, I explain that because I am socially liberal but fiscally conservative, you freak out? Look, it's a dating site, not a political discussion board. I said "I don't care what you do, who or what you do it with, so long as it doesn't cost me to help you do it". If you can't respect that, then MOVE on, I did.
> 
> /rant
> 
> And why the heck did you contact me if you saw that? LOL!



:rofl:
That is what someone sent you via the online dating service? Wow. Count yourself lucky that one moved on.

eta:
Well, I love politics. I also understand what Independent means. I can get along with a wide range of viewpoints, but there are key topics where disagreement is not ok. These are basically what I consider the human rights issues. But taxes, meh. Like I said earlier, this was one of my filters, so if you list yourself as conservative, I will pass. Moderate, liberal etc are fine in my book. Tea party is a HELL NO!  I also love a good debate, but over email? Nope. Respectful debate over a glass of wine with a twinkle in the eye is more my speed.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> I HATE politics. I prefer not to talk about it, because it turns everyone into a$$holes.  I remember it was very important to NoChem that his match agree with his POV politically. Which I did NOT, not even close. He had the attitude when it was discussed that HE was right and anyone with a different viewpoint was wrong, and that kind of thing doesnt sit well with me. You can discuss opposing views without coming off that way. Politics...yuck.


I hate that attitude. "NO! this is the way it is"... no thanks bye


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> :rofl:
> That is what someone sent you via the online dating service? Wow. Count yourself lucky that one moved on.


I seem to live in the epicenter for colleges. I swear there is one in every direction. So many kids with the my way or the highway complex I'm use to it. Plus my family is all quite hardheaded too.


----------



## ne9907

btw Moxy, i finally read your pm and answered it. I usually dont check my notifications.


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> I hate that attitude. "NO! this is the way it is"... no thanks bye


That's the thing. She started with "I saw that you were conservative, but I thought i could persuade you to change your views". Ummm...ask me first why/what it means to "me" to be conservative and you'll get a good banter...particularly after I tell you I am NOT a republican. 

If there were a third party better aligned with my views, maybe I would join up. Right now I just vote for the candidates that value individual freedom and fiscally responsible policy. 

In the mean time, let's just get to know each other over dinner, our politics can be hashed out later.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Last guy I was speaking with was wearing a Raiders jersey in one of his pictures. I do not lilke the raiders.
> So I sent him a playful message how I could not find anything wrong with him but his Raiders jersey.
> 
> He seemed to like it.


You should have asked him to take it off then send you a selfie of him sans jersey.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> btw Moxy, i finally read your pm and answered it. I usually dont check my notifications.


I wrote you back.


----------



## Nsweet

Nsweet said:


> I got a 74.4 the first time I took it and an 81.4 the second. I was just so tired I couldn't remember what I had just gone over and kept second guessing myself.
> 
> I'll get a 100 now that I've gotten some sleep.


I got a 100 on my 3rd try for ch.1 and 97.7 for chapter 2 on my second try. Didn't even read the book, didn't expect things would move this fast. 

It's not a hard class, there's just a lot of nomenclature and trick questions on the quizes and tests. It's also really really boring at times.


----------



## movealong

So, this passed Friday I had my first date with someone other than XW in 14 years. It didn't go as well as I hoped because I didn't plan very well. I think I sabotaged myself in a way because I didn't expect it to go well and didn't plan anything for after dinner in case we didn't hit it off.

This time, I am planning better. 

Friday: Lunch with "Red" at a mexican food place. If it goes well, inviting her to go to a local town square shopping area.

Saturday: Lunch with "Blue", then if it goes well invite her to a local gallery.

After those basic plans, I am not sure what else to do other than catch a movie or go on to dinner. Any suggestions?


----------



## TooNice

movealong said:


> After those basic plans, I am not sure what else to do other than catch a movie or go on to dinner. Any suggestions?


I'm always a fan of things that give you something to talk about, but something to do if there is a break in conversation. A gallery is a great idea. Music can be great, too-do you have any local artists you could go see?


----------



## TooNice

I've never been a person who struggles with sleeping. STBX used to get really frustrated with me when we'd go to bed and I'd be asleep within minutes. (He is NOT a good sleeper.) 

While I think I am handling things fairly well overall, I have had some rough patches with sleep lately. I'll do well for a bit, and then out of the blue have several rough nights. Went for a run tonight followed by a long warm shower to see if I do better tonight. 

I have a neat iPad app that has some good relaxing sounds in it. I'm fond of the crickets.  

Any other suggestions?


----------



## movealong

TooNice said:


> I've never been a person who struggles with sleeping. STBX used to get really frustrated with me when we'd go to bed and I'd be asleep within minutes. (He is NOT a good sleeper.)
> 
> While I think I am handling things fairly well overall, I have had some rough patches with sleep lately. I'll do well for a bit, and then out of the blue have several rough nights. Went for a run tonight followed by a long warm shower to see if I do better tonight.
> 
> I have a neat iPad app that has some good relaxing sounds in it. I'm fond of the crickets.
> 
> Any other suggestions?


That sounds so much like me. I rarely have trouble falling asleep, but when I do have trouble....ugh!

I go to youtube and put on one of the long positive affirmation recordings. Usually it is just pretty background pictures with some kind of soothing music and a calm or lilting voice saying positive things. Heh, it works for me. It takes me "out of my head" and out of my thoughts and I can relax and fall asleep.


----------



## movealong

TooNice said:


> I'm always a fan of things that give you something to talk about, but something to do if there is a break in conversation. A gallery is a great idea. Music can be great, too-do you have any local artists you could go see?


I checked the local city calendars and there is really nothing other than bar bands. Not that bar bands are a bad thing, but bars in general are out for me as a recovering AA.


----------



## Arendt

I used to have insomnia too, before and after the separation. Part of it was that I worked all the time and could not shut off thinking about stuff. Then it was anxiety over my marriage. Now I sleep really well and have a regular sleep pattern. I'm in bed by around 1am (a big improvement for a night owl like me) and am up around 8am usually (mostly thanks to my cats).Insomnia was, on the whole, a result of worrying about things: worrying about how to finish a paper or book, fearful I would not meet a deadline, etc.

Tonight I have Wierd Al's latest song stuck in my head. It better not keep me up. "Weird Al" Yankovic - Word Crimes - YouTube


----------



## TooNice

Grrr. Been awake for awhile. Gave up about an hour ago and watched a little tv. I try not to do screen stuff when I can't sleep, but I'm at my wits end tonight. 

Gonna go try again now. Tomorrow's going to be fun. :-/


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, I was just perusing other areas of TAM and see that Caribbean Man got banned! Crazy. I have never seen him be anything but fair and eloquent in his posts.


I think even the best of us can fall prey to provocation.

My neighbor got under my skin by leaving overflowing trash in a bin outside of my apartment window (two doors down from where he lives...) then talking loudly to the adjoining neighbor about it, saying I must have my period because I complained to the landlord about it. The trash was retaliation for having him inadvertently finger his boss for trashing my car (hit and run) on Feb 14. The police went to his place to get info about his boss, he had no intention of giving me his boss's info and I'm sure his boss didn't intend to call in either. What neither of them knew is that I'd stood at the window watching the hit and run, and there was only one set of tire tracks left in the snow, which I prevented the plow guy from removing until the police had a chance to look at everything. I think my neighbor's boss got mad at him for giving info to me and the police (he gave info to me without knowing why I was asking at the time...) and thus cut his hours or outright let him go. Not my problem, you want to work for a criminal type, that's what you get. 

Typical crazy-making behavior targeted at normally rational people designed to make them trip and fall whereas normally they stand on solid ground. Sometimes you just don't see it coming.

It's so that the nutso people can point fingers and say that you were wrong in the first place. Usually they are trying to deflect attention away from themselves, and for good reason...

But, whatever.


----------



## RandomDude

What? CM got banned again? What for this time? =O


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think even the best of us can fall prey to provocation.
> 
> My neighbor got under my skin by leaving overflowing trash in a bin outside of my apartment window (two doors down from where he lives...) then talking loudly to the adjoining neighbor about it, saying I must have my period because I complained to the landlord about it. The trash was retaliation for having him inadvertently finger his boss for trashing my car (hit and run) on Feb 14. The police went to his place to get info about his boss, he had no intention of giving me his boss's info and I'm sure his boss didn't intend to call in either. What neither of them knew is that I'd stood at the window watching the hit and run, and there was only one set of tire tracks left in the snow, which I prevented the plow guy from removing until the police had a chance to look at everything. I think my neighbor's boss got mad at him for giving info to me and the police (he gave info to me without knowing why I was asking at the time...) and thus cut his hours or outright let him go. Not my problem, you want to work for a criminal type, that's what you get.
> 
> Typical crazy-making behavior targeted at normally rational people designed to make them trip and fall whereas normally they stand on solid ground. Sometimes you just don't see it coming.
> 
> It's so that the nutso people can point fingers and say that you were wrong in the first place. Usually they are trying to deflect attention away from themselves, and for good reason...
> 
> But, whatever.


Funny I was just talking to my sister about that. How a certain type of person knowingly pushes your boundaries to see how far you will let them go or get a reaction from you so they can get attention. 
What personality disorder is that associated to?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> What personality disorder is that associated to?


Crazy-as-fvck, never grew out of elementary school syndrome, who knows!


----------



## moxy

HNU -- That's a crazy story. Hope your day gets better!

RD -- for breaking rules.

Today, I'm drowning in work and just trying to get through things a little bit at a time. I'm distracted by lust and resisting the urge to text Guy and ask if he wants to get freaky later; that sounds like way more fun than work, but I think I have to wait until he texts me. I'm also distracted because of ongoing D paperwork; I'd like it to be resolved, but it isn't, yet, and I feel bad about asking for it to move forward. I have plans with friends this weekend -- a belly dancing show and a concert. Turned down two really hot guys for dates this weekend in the hopes of maybe hearing from Guy. However, I've decided not to sit around the apartment, but to go out and have fun: so, yay friends and yay music.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Crazy-as-fvck, never grew out of elementary school syndrome, who knows!


LOL yeah well I seem to have a lot of them in my life. My sister and I were talking about it because our dad is that way and it just so happens my exwife is also that way.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> HNU -- That's a crazy story. Hope your day gets better!
> 
> RD -- for breaking rules.
> 
> Today, I'm drowning in work and just trying to get through things a little bit at a time. I'm distracted by lust and resisting the urge to text Guy and ask if he wants to get freaky later; that sounds like way more fun than work, but I think I have to wait until he texts me. I'm also distracted because of ongoing D paperwork; *I'd like it to be resolved, but it isn't, yet, and I feel bad about asking for it to move forward*. I have plans with friends this weekend -- a belly dancing show and a concert. Turned down two really hot guys for dates this weekend in the hopes of maybe hearing from Guy. However, I've decided not to sit around the apartment, but to go out and have fun: so, yay friends and yay music.


Interesting...why would you feel bad? The reality is you two are divorcing so get it done. You are also not responsible for his feelings.
Release yourself from situations that make you feel uncomfortable and negative you will survive without them trust me. You are being codependent, you two are not suppose to be connected anymore.


----------



## ne9907

So my weekend plans are as follow:

Friday: Lifehouse concert at the California Mid State Fair! Would anyone like to join me? 

Saturday: Skydiving for the first time followed by camping at the beach. If anyone wants to join, bring your own parachute and sleeping bag

Sunday: Camping, getting drunk, and recovery day!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> So my weekend plans are as follow:
> 
> Friday: Lifehouse concert at the California Mid State Fair! Would anyone like to join me?
> 
> Saturday: *Skydiving for the first time followed by camping at the beach. If anyone wants to join, bring your own parachute and sleeping bag*
> 
> Sunday: Camping, getting drunk, and recovery day!


Just don't get them mixed up! Yikes!


----------



## BaxJanson

I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.

How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Release yourself from situations that make you feel uncomfortable and negative you will survive without them trust me.


Oprah, you are SPOT ON.


----------



## Jellybeans

BaxJanson said:


> I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.
> 
> How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...


Do you mean go out/dating or just go out with friends and whatnot?


----------



## BaxJanson

Either or, really. I'm wondering how far my schedule of 6.5 nights in a week differs from other people's.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think it's that uncommon to get into a routine of work, home, sleep.

You just have to find the time to be social and get out there. Some weeks I am a recluse. Some weeks are more active for me. All depends on my mood and what is happening socially.


----------



## RandomDude

I shalt sleep and dream of spiders, they've been fascinating me lately


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Interesting...why would you feel bad? The reality is you two are divorcing so get it done. You are also not responsible for his feelings.
> Release yourself from situations that make you feel uncomfortable and negative you will survive without them trust me. You are being codependent, you two are not suppose to be connected anymore.


He doesn't want a divorce. He's resisting it because he thinks things can be salvaged. I do not. I have told him so. However, it hurts me to know that I'm the one who is just pushing for this to be resolved when he isn't willing to let go. It makes me feel like a bad person. 



ne9907 said:


> So my weekend plans are as follow:
> 
> Saturday: Skydiving for the first time followed by camping at the beach.


Sounds like an active weekend.

Skydiving? That's like my biggest fear magnified. You're brave.



BaxJanson said:


> I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.
> 
> How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...


I don't get out as often as I should. I travel a fair bit on the weekends to see friends and family, but that doesn't seem to be the same thing as going out. Work-life balance is very difficult to achieve.


----------



## Fenix

BaxJanson said:


> I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.
> 
> How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...


Probably 4 nights out of 7. This was before I started dating someone. It was a mix of business networking functions, meetup.com functions and drinks out with friends. I try to be money (and weight) cautious so may only be having a drink and appetizers.

I think if you are grappling with a divorce/separation, it is good to get out a bit. 

And glad you stopped by, bax!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> HNU -- That's a crazy story. Hope your day gets better!


Did not make my day any worse than it usually is but he definitely made his day/s a lot worse. 

I do not need to do anything other than what I already did: police, landlord, my attorney...and laws of the Universe...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

BaxJanson said:


> I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.
> 
> How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...


I am pretty much a homebody, I get out once or twice a week maybe. Just depends. My money is super tight right now, so I have to really be picky about what I do.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Did not make my day any worse than it usually is but he definitely made his day/s a lot worse.
> 
> I do not need to do anything other than what I already did: police, landlord, my attorney...and laws of the Universe...


He has loaded his motorcycle into his pickup truck and his wife is giving him directions to somewhere about 2 hours away. Probably selling the most expendable vehicle of three, unfortunately the one with best mileage but not the most useful if no job to go to. My guess is landlord told him pay the back rent or eviction is likely. 

Bit less noise around here. But wonder if pickup truck will lose muffler or worse on a drive that long, and he will come back a bit more in the hole than when he left.


----------



## COGypsy

BaxJanson said:


> I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.
> 
> 
> 
> How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...



I probably go out and do something most nights. You can always find something to do, whatever your budget. I'd be in the loony bin if I just hung around the house all the time. Obviously work is probably the biggest chunk of my day. But afterwards I might hit a yoga class or go hit some balls on the driving range. Thursdays I have supper club. In the summer, I do golf lessons one night a week and play another day at least during the week. On the weekends I hang out with Mr. Mantastic. Or go visit my parents who live a couple of hours away. If I'm in town with my guy, we usually just do dinner on Fridays. Saturdays we go exploring. Maybe brewery tours or we're taking a motorcycle class in the next couple of weeks. Might catch a band or cook together and watch a movie. Sundays, I hang out with other friends and catch up with them. It sounds like so much more when I write it down than it feels like! But, I hate hate hate dealing with house stuff, so I've downsized my life to minimize that burden. I cook about one day a week and make something big enough to have for lunches or dinners the rest of the week. It's just like anything else, a matter of juggling priorities.


----------



## moxy

Gypsy, it sounds like you've got a happy set-up! 

In the quest for balance and sanity, I burned off some frustration at the gym tonight. I'm less mopey and much happier. I should do this every day.


----------



## whitehawk

Date site .

There's no one interesting in mine at the moment so in boredom l joined a new one a few wks back.
But it's damn strange , l'm wondering if 90% of the profiles are fake.

Thing is , when l joined the free section , l got quite a few wanting to meet or talk. So l payed but since then not one girl has even answered an email
This is very strange because on my other site most of them answered in at least some sort of written reply.

This new one has a whole list of auto replies you can choose and just tick one , if you don't wanna write something back.
Well the other strange thing is , the girls that have answered have all used the same line in the auto reply. That's weird considering there's about 30 different lines to choose from .

lt's gotta be fakes hasn't it ?


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Date site .
> 
> There's no one interesting in mine at the moment so in boredom l joined a new one a few wks back.
> But it's damn strange , l'm wondering if 90% of the profiles are fake.
> 
> Thing is , when l joined the free section , l got quite a few wanting to meet or talk. So l payed but since then not one girl has even answered an email
> This is very strange because on my other site most of them answered in at least some sort of written reply.
> 
> This new one has a whole list of auto replies you can choose and just tick one , if you don't wanna write something back.
> Well the other strange thing is , the girls that have answered have all used the same line in the auto reply. That's weird considering there's about 30 different lines to choose from .
> 
> lt's gotta be fakes hasn't it ?


If it is Zoosk, I got the same reaction.....


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> If it is Zoosk, I got the same reaction.....



Did you really ? Guess what , it is Zoosk 

Tell you what , it seemed to have by far the most members anywhere near me and nice ones to. So l was happy to pay , then nothing, not one ! 

The other weird thing is too , it shows people l've emailed have viewed my profile again and again. Yet they didn't answer.

The whole pattern of anything happening on there is totally different to my other site - where l've met lots of people so l know that ones real.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



BaxJanson said:


> I'm jumping in here - fairly new to the board.
> 
> How frequently would you folks say you go out? I can't seem to get past the routine of work-home-sleep. I get out a bit on the weekends (well, every other weekend) but between being broke, keeping the house clean, and Netflix...


If you're wanting to go out more, even if it's just to catch some Sun, you'll have to make the time. Feel you on the house cleaning, it's by no means sparkly 24/7 but I've had to cut back on my tidying so I can get out a bit more.

I go to the gym 5-6 times a week, play softball once a week and try to get out on the weekend. Buddy and I do wings night twice a month as well. After softball last night they went for drinks, I declined because I needed to get groceries and prep my meals (at 9 pm.... Lol).

In a honesty, I couldn't do the late night weeknights too much even if it was possible financially. I require my 6 1/2 hours of sleep, gym time and food prep.

Boy I'm getting old.


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Did you really ? Guess what , it is Zoosk
> 
> Tell you what , it seemed to have by far the most members anywhere near me and nice ones to. So l was happy to pay , then nothing, not one !
> 
> The other weird thing is too , it shows people l've emailed have viewed my profile again and again. Yet they didn't answer.
> 
> The whole pattern of anything happening on there is totally different to my other site - where l've met lots of people so l know that ones real.


Zoosk has auto-responders for when the person is chatting with someone else. I said thanks to one of the damn things before I realized it was basically a bot.

I got a bucket load of views, but so far not one response. If it doesn't change, I am going to delete it.


----------



## whitehawk

Ah right , l'm supposedly getting a truckload of views to and it tells me they're always chatting , always online. Even that , for so many to be chatting , online, all the time, every time you log in, is very unusual. 

Anyway l wrote them for a refund , l reckon the whole things a programed scam, nothing makes any sense.
Funny thing , the day after l emailed them to l suddenly had a whole new batch of girls all asking to meet me - not one answered when l wrote back though of course .
They reckon they'll keep 1 mth and refund me the balance so l have 2wks left.
l'll see if any of the bots do reply while l'm waiting :scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Zoosk has auto-responders for when the person is chatting with someone else. I said thanks to one of the damn things before I realized it was basically a bot.
> 
> I got a bucket load of views, but so far not one response. If it doesn't change, I am going to delete it.


I absolutely HATED Zoosk. I found NO MEN on that site that I was interested in, it was like losers went there to die! (NO offense intended to you or Hawk!) That one was a total waste of money. I am currently not on ANY sites any more.


----------



## movealong

3Xnocharm said:


> I absolutely HATED Zoosk. I found NO MEN on that site that I was interested in, it was like losers went there to die! (NO offense intended to you or Hawk!) That one was a total waste of money. I am currently not on ANY sites any more.


Didn't offend me. I am going to cancel it tonight. With partially complete profile on match I received 10 or so winks, flirts and messages. Not one legitimate response so far on Zoosk.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I am currently not on ANY sites any more.


Same here! 

So....
Today is my would-have-been 15 year wedding anniversary. Deers were always a symbol for our marriage, do not ask me why, it just happened. Like, if I ever saw one I would text ex husband and viceversa. It was good luck.
This morning as I was driving to work, I saw a deer running at full speed comign from my right side. I instantly thought speed up or slam on brakes, because the deer was running at full speed, I slammed on my brakes. I almost missed it, but wasnt lucky enough and hit it with the end of the driver's side bumper. It made a loud thud. I stopped, got out of the vehicle, but the deer was gone. 
I hope the deer is fine.
The universe is definitely trying to tell me something....
Hit it and move on!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Same here!
> 
> 
> 
> So....
> 
> Today is my would-have-been 15 year wedding anniversary. Deers were always a symbol for our marriage, do not ask me why, it just happened. Like, if I ever saw one I would text ex husband and viceversa. It was good luck.
> 
> This morning as I was driving to work, I saw a deer running at full speed comign from my right side. I instantly thought speed up or slam on brakes, because the deer was running at full speed, I slammed on my brakes. I almost missed it, but wasnt lucky enough and hit it with the end of the driver's side bumper. It made a loud thud. I stopped, got out of the vehicle, but the deer was gone.
> 
> I hope the deer is fine.
> 
> The universe is definitely trying to tell me something....
> 
> Hit it and move on!




Dang. That's intense. Hang in there, ne.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> The universe is definitely trying to tell me something....
> Hit it and move on!


Whoa. That is something. Glad you are ok and could take this message away from the encounter!


----------



## whitehawk

No worries 3x , at least we know there was one real female on there then.

l never look at the guys but l was thinking holy hell , they must be all studs because no one gets back to you.

Best range of women in my area l've seen anywhere , hu , all fakes no wonder !


----------



## ne9907

Because I have.time to kill,
Last night blue eyes told me I am too cynical to notice and enjoy what is right in front of me. He then proceeded to indulged me in my favorite type of conversation.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> He then proceeded to indulged me in my favorite type of conversation.


Ok, I'm new here...enlighten me.


----------



## TooNice

I posted this in my journal thread tonight, but thought I'd share it here, too...

So, apartment hunting is not much different the relationships, in my opinion. Lots of disappointing encounters, getting your hopes up and then being let down... Wouldn't you agree? 

I've looked at several places now that would seriously have me regressing from a 42 year old soon to be divorced mom to a college student. :-/

I have one place (a lower) that has awesome pics, though, and I drove past it tonight. I've been emailing the owner, and he said the upper unit will be open when I need it, it's cheaper than the lower, and he thinks it's a nicer place. And as a single woman, I'd rather have an upper apt anyway. I'm trying not to get totally excited, but this place could be perfect. It's on a great street, it's adorable, and reasonable. But I can't see it until after Aug 1. It's about 10 minutes further than I wanted to be, but if it turns out that it's not too good to be true, I'll take it!

Fingers crossed...


----------



## Nsweet

I don't know what's more embarrassing.... 

Discussing my sexual and romantic past spent making out and picking up sl*t, stripper, drunken 20something I could make smile, before I married my horrible ex wife,.... Or having to confess all of this to an attractive woman who looks at me funny after saying this and can't understand why I don't like intimacy. 

Yeah, therapy really ramped up and it's going further down the rabbit hole.


----------



## moxy

Ne -- enjoy it!
TooNice -- good luck.
NSweet -- confessing your past helps you understand it and move forward with more agility.

I've had a heavy day. I'm emo and blue. Frustrated. Ineffectual, but getting stuff done. The thing about casual sex over relationships is that you can't always count on what you want when you want it. Lots of artifice, even in the familiarity of comfort or intimacy, and that takes energy to uphold. Always having to work for it. Relaxing into life isn't always an option. Can't take the real world right now, so I'm watching movies tonight. I'll eventually go do some work, but...a little downtime is a fine thing. Being single means I don't have to mind anyone else or take care of anyone; today, I'm glad about that.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> I don't know what's more embarrassing....
> 
> Discussing my sexual and romantic past spent making out and picking up sl*t, stripper, drunken 20something I could make smile, before I married my horrible ex wife,.... Or having to confess all of this to an attractive woman who looks at me funny after saying this and can't understand why I don't like intimacy.
> 
> Yeah, therapy really ramped up and it's going further down the rabbit hole.



Ahh , l'm always amazed at how out there most therapists and counselors are .
You wonder why some of them even chose the work . We're suppose to choose stuff we're good at :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

l've had a good day at work , got such a cool job on this mth , love it .
But this single stuffs been on my mind a lot . l feel really disheartened and l'm also worried about the new area l've moved to. Mainly because without the sun, holidays and week ends bringing all the people here , there's no one here . Come on sunshine :smthumbup:
Not that l'm crying out to hook up , in many ways l'm not even too fussed.
But l would like some fun though.

Some of the girls l've met l could've used up for some fun , like the doc , she was a cutie. It's just not my style though .
Wish there was a few parties or somem goin on .


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Or having to confess all of this to an attractive woman who looks at me funny after saying this and can't understand why I don't like intimacy.
> 
> Yeah, therapy really ramped up and it's going further down the rabbit hole.


Get a new therapist if you don't feel like you are being heard out or have a good relationship with this one. 

Keep trying one til you find one you feel comfortable with. 

I would not recommend any therapy with someone you feel isn't hearing you out or who you aren't comfortable with. Ever.


----------



## ne9907

Happy Fri-DAY!

tomorrow I jump out of an airplane! I shall post a photo, if I like the way I look.
Yes, I am very shallow


----------



## RandomDude

I'm so lazy when it comes to the ladies nowadays, become rather complacent and too comfortable knowing my FWB is available. I see a pretty woman and go "meh, what's the point, I already have good sex"

Yet I have no spare, no options if FWB decides to try dating again or if she starts getting emo and I end up having to ditch her. Still, no desire to find another one. Bah! Getting so used to her now, getting closer by the day, maybe I should have stuck to FBs not FWB, but too late now.

Hope things don't get complicated


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> I'm so lazy when it comes to the ladies nowadays, become rather complacent and too comfortable knowing my FWB is available. I see a pretty woman and go "meh, what's the point, I already have good sex"
> 
> Yet I have no spare, no options if FWB decides to try dating again or if she starts getting emo and I end up having to ditch her. Still, no desire to find another one. Bah! Getting so used to her now, getting closer by the day, maybe I should have stuck to FBs not FWB, but too late now.
> 
> Hope things don't get complicated


:rofl:
I am learning a lot from you RD!
How often do you and FWB get together? How often do you text? What would be so wrong about things getting complicated? What do you define as complicated? Do you do "date" things such as movies or dinner?

I am trying to define the kind of thing I have going on, I like things to be define, but so far have not found the answer.
blue eyes and I are not FWB, we are not FB, we are not ONS, only type resembling what we are doing is NSA (?) possibly. 

Meh....


----------



## RandomDude

We get together about 3-4 times a week, same with text. We do watch movies together / have meals together but always with emotional distance even if we cuddle and 'play' during it when we're alone... 

Complicated is when feelings/attachment get involved and invites potential drama. So far it's been very peaceful, and I don't want that to change. I only like her as a good friend to have playtime with, nothing else.

Right now it's the very definition of a FWB arrangement, but it's getting clouded, because I've lost the desire for other women already - which isn't supposed to happen. But then again it's safer this way, as we're exclusively fking each other without strings attached.

Which bothers me a little bit because she's under no obligation to be exclusive, once she tells me she wants to try dating I would be rather annoyed - and tis bad


----------



## movealong

As of this morning, I officially joined the Unmarried Club. The judge signed off on it and I am free!


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



movealong said:


> As of this morning, I officially joined the Unmarried Club. The judge signed off on it and I am free!


You are now in good company brother!


----------



## moxy

RD, instead of trying to regulate what it is, just enjoy it.


----------



## unsure78

movealong said:


> As of this morning, I officially joined the Unmarried Club. The judge signed off on it and I am free!


Congrats!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD, instead of trying to regulate what it is, just enjoy it.


I am, just thinking outloud


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> I am, just thinking outloud



Sounds like you've got a good thing going on. Makes sense.


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, and I want it to last

Took a while to get to where we are now, hard to find a solid FWB arrangement like this. Not to mention the very idea of going back to hoping from one woman to the next trying to find a good FWB is dreadful. 

Good sex, no expectations, no strings attached, transparency, friendship and playtime!


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> ..the very idea of going back to hoping from one woman to the next trying to find a good FWB is dreadful.


Yes. Once a good rhythm is established, the idea of starting all over in case of a glitch is not appealing.





RandomDude said:


> Good sex, no expectations, no strings attached, transparency, friendship and playtime!



That is ideal. But...it requires communication. Often, one avoids communication when one is seeking a FWB rather than a GF/BF. Feelings are fine, as long as the contract doesn't change...but that's the case in any kind of interpersonal arrangement, isn't it?


----------



## moxy

I think my guy and I are on the outs at the moment. I haven't heard from him lately. I hope I will eventually, though. In the meantime, I'm working on squashing my not-voiced-aloud crush on him, so the silence is probably good, but damn I miss that sex and that body. Flirting with other dudes is just not doing it for me at the moment. And distracting myself with work or family is just highlighting my frustration.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Yes. Once a good rhythm is established, the idea of starting all over in case of a glitch is not appealing.


Aye, I'll be "bahing" and "mehing" alot more!



> That is ideal. But...it requires communication. Often, one avoids communication when one is seeking a FWB rather than a GF/BF. Feelings are fine, as long as the contract doesn't change...but that's the case in any kind of interpersonal arrangement, isn't it?


Feelings are fine? No! They are a nightmare! Though I'd admit that I would miss FWB if she decides to go. 



moxy said:


> I think my guy and I are on the outs at the moment. I haven't heard from him lately. I hope I will eventually, though. In the meantime, I'm working on squashing my not-voiced-aloud crush on him, so the silence is probably good, but damn I miss that sex and that body. Flirting with other dudes is just not doing it for me at the moment. And distracting myself with work or family is just highlighting my frustration.


And tis why feelings are a no-no in FWB!


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Aye, I'll be "bahing" and "mehing" alot more!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Feelings are fine? No! They are a nightmare! Though I'd admit that I would miss FWB if she decides to go.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And tis why feelings are a no-no in FWB!



There's nothing wrong with feelings, even in a FWB arrangement. The problem arises when one person develops feelings AND expects the other to reciprocate. By making such a demand, one person is changing the contract, which is a problem. If one didn't feel *something* for the other person, it would be boring and mechanical and quick to lose it's luster. Unfortunately, when people develop feelings, they often find it difficult to be detached; the feelings themselves are not a problem, but the impact if those feelings on the interaction often is. That's just a risk that people take when they date, hook up, hang out, or whatever, though.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahhh , it always gets complicated in the end and it's always about feelings .

T [guns n roses] and me have still been in touch this whole time. Nothing physical she's not my type.
But even that's just ran it's coarse now this wk . Feelings.
She said to me the other night , l've tried really hard to do this friend thing because it's all you seem to really want , but it's just getting too hard.
So , another one bites the dust.

l've known it was too hard on her and not fair , the guilt's been killing me . lt was time. 
Wish l could want her like that though , she's a great girl.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I think my guy and I are on the outs at the moment. I haven't heard from him lately. I hope I will eventually, though. In the meantime, I'm working on squashing my not-voiced-aloud crush on him, so the silence is probably good, but damn I miss that sex and that body. Flirting with other dudes is just not doing it for me at the moment. And distracting myself with work or family is just highlighting my frustration.


Hang in there Moxy. How long hasnt it been since you last heard from him?
Its okay to miss him, or the sex, or the body. We are humans and have emotions. 
For example, even if I do not see a future with blue eyes, he was the first person I texted after I hit the deer yesterday.
He reaponded 12 hours laters with a very non noncommittal text saying how that accident must have scared the.sh!t out of me. I told me that I didn't have time to be scared, because I didn't want to kill the poor deer, he responded that based on the damage to my car (very minimal) he thought the deer would be.fine and he was glad I was okay.

I am not obsessing over his lateness. The fact is that I have more important issues to worry about, like a fvcking pimple on my back that hurts a lot.
I seldom get pimples and never on my back....WTF??? Am I a horny teenager.now?


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> There's nothing wrong with feelings, even in a FWB arrangement. The problem arises when one person develops feelings AND expects the other to reciprocate. By making such a demand, one person is changing the contract, which is a problem. If one didn't feel *something* for the other person, it would be boring and mechanical and quick to lose it's luster. Unfortunately, when people develop feelings, they often find it difficult to be detached; the feelings themselves are not a problem, but the impact if those feelings on the interaction often is. That's just a risk that people take when they date, hook up, hang out, or whatever, though.


For me the problem arises when anyone of us develops feelings - cause tis painful when it's not reciprocated. I would feel like I'm using FWB if she's having feelings for me that I don't have. The only feelings between us are that of friendship and fun, not companionship or lovey doveys - and I hope it stays that way. 

Sex for us isn't mechanical at all, we kiss, we cuddle, we play, we romp, we tease, we comfort, and tis fun! We add to each other's lives and don't have expectations.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Get a new therapist if you don't feel like you are being heard out or have a good relationship with this one.
> 
> Keep trying one til you find one you feel comfortable with.
> 
> I would not recommend any therapy with someone you feel isn't hearing you out or who you aren't comfortable with. Ever.


No, I love my psychologist. She's a real sweetheart and just this adorable nerd.

She writes really good notes about me too.:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I think my guy and I are on the outs at the moment. I haven't heard from him lately. I hope I will eventually, though. In the meantime, I'm working on squashing my not-voiced-aloud crush on him, so the silence is probably good, but damn I miss that sex and that body. Flirting with other dudes is just not doing it for me at the moment. And distracting myself with work or family is just highlighting my frustration.


Moxy, why dont you just text him? Its OK for you to contact him, maybe that is what he is waiting for.


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Moxy, why dont you just text him? *Its OK for you to contact him, maybe that is what he is waiting for.*


3X, I know you mean well but this isn't the best advise. That is some wishful thinking and more of something you would say to a young daughter after her crush rejects her. 

It's like you're telling her "He's not calling you because he really likes you". Come on now.
Opening Scene - he's just not into you - YouTube

If it's been awhile and he's not calling her, then he's just not into her. And that's OK, he's doing her a favor by not pretending to like her while using her for sex. But telling her to just keep going after him instead of accepting the way things are is just going to keep her in a very painful limbo.

Much respect for trying to comfort her, yo.


----------



## moxy

So, my dude and I have resumed text flirting, which is good. I think he's been upset with me and that's why he was avoiding me; that's what it seems like. There will have to be some communication, soon. I've squashed my crush; if we're just banging, I'm down with that. If he wants more, then I'm okay with that, if we talk. Anyway, at the moment, I just wanna jump his jones and ignore the real stuff until a later time.


----------



## TooNice

Just want to share an interesting observation I've had in the past week or so. I guess I feel like I'm attractive enough, but since I removed my ring, I have noticed a definite shift in how men speak to me. I had a meeting the other day with a group I am involved with through work. There's a guy there that I've always gotten along well with, but out of the blue, he was super chatty with me. Enough to have me get in my car afterward and laugh about it, just because I was so not expecting it. 

It was a pleasant surprise, but made me think that I guess it's time to start thinking like a single woman!


----------



## Nsweet

TooNice said:


> Just want to share an interesting observation I've had in the past week or so. I guess I feel like I'm attractive enough, but since I removed my ring, I have noticed a definite shift in how men speak to me. I had a meeting the other day with a group I am involved with through work. There's a guy there that I've always gotten along well with, but out of the blue, he was super chatty with me. Enough to have me get in my car afterward and laugh about it, just because I was so not expecting it.
> 
> It was a pleasant surprise, but made me think that I guess it's time to start thinking like a single woman!


Lol, I could have told you that.:lol:

Most men see a wedding ring on a woman's finger and immediately put her into the friend-zone, and they don't go out of their way to impress her or help her. And there is a double standard here...... For some reason being a man and wearing a wedding ring makes some women feel safer around you, so they tend to stay and talk longer knowing that you're not going to try to have sex with them. 

★Just Go With It - Minka Kelly Cameo [Blu-ray HD]★ - YouTube
See what I mean?

Keep your ring though. You never know when a "fakie" will come in handy.:smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Yep , exactly as ns said.
There's always exceptions but over all.

lt was always crazy how rings or a girl by your side seems to have the opposite effect on females.
l use to feel like saying - hey , what is my gf or wife invisible or something , your doing that right in front of her , wtf !
Didn't seem to even matter where you were or whatever the occasion .

They're totally different now that l'm single, they know l can chase them now and it's a totally different type of game. Sorta more cat and mouse'ish now , before it was just like full on , bold as brass .


----------



## TooNice

I'm not even fully back in the pool, so to speak, and I am just finding it all to be very interesting. I haven't been single since I was 21 years old, and already I think I could have a little fun with this. My own husband hasn't made me feel attractive for as long as I can remember, so it's pretty nice to know already that I might have some interested parties when I am ready. 

I hope that doesn't sound conceited...I'm just looking forward to being...appreciated.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I ended it with my Aussie friend. 
Something was not adding up and I saw a bigger picture that I didn't like. Then I lost my attraction to him. So that was that. Poof!


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I ended it with my Aussie friend.
> 
> Something was not adding up and I saw a bigger picture that I didn't like. Then I lost my attraction to him. So that was that. Poof!



That's logical and decisive. Hope you're feeling okay about it. There's better for you out there, if you wanna find it.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! Ran into the goddess again today! Infactuated all over again... might do a round, swing by on the way home and get her number... but... meh =/

Should I risk a good FWB for a chance at a hot 2nd FWB? Bah!
FWB's hot sure but, dunno =/ I'm infactuated!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> That's logical and decisive. Hope you're feeling okay about it. There's better for you out there, if you wanna find it.


Not logical and decisive at all. I'm not attracted to him any more, something he said/did maybe a few things he said/did over the time I've known him and reached a tipping point where I think is more of a habit than a one-off occasional thing or just misinterpretation of general attitude/beliefs/habits. I'm not married to him or committed to him, can do as I feel and was never in a committed/exclusive relationship with him. Though would have considered it based on initial attraction but that did not hold up over time.

It's disappointing and worth mentioning but not a psyche crushing life event. What is the point of pursuing someone you don't feel like pursuing any more. 

Anyhow, is nice to have some sort of condolences. I don't often find anything I want to pursue. I tend to be patient and don't jump right in. So it takes a while to really understand where someone is coming from, and to give them time to stop putting on a show and show some true colors. You can only really learn about a person over time and under different circumstances, and by having a good memory both physical and emotional. There are always two sides to every story, make sure you listen to both even though you're only being told one. People tell both stories, they just don't know it. Then when you call them out on something you shouldn't know or can't possibly know, they are amazed and think you are psychic or can afford a very good PI.  There are no perceptive people or psychics, only good listeners.


----------



## Nsweet

I had the absolute worst day today and I just need to get it off my mind. 

I forgot to get a train ticket, like it escaped my mind, and I got a $50 ticket. I didn't even want to go home but my mom kinda guilt tripped me without really saying anything. I was pissed off an crying for like 5 minutes, so I was walking around looking really sensitive after that. 

I went to my mom's looking like this. I walked around Walmart for about an hour doing my thing and looking like my girlfriend ran over my dog after dumping me or something.... And I could not for the life of me understand why women kept turning to look at me and lingering. I felt like sh!t today and I know the clothes I was wearing were too big for me, but it happened 3 times that I noticed. 

There was this young lesbian at walmart holding hands with her girlfriend, this girl on the back of her boyfriends motorcycle, and this milf at the train station. It was really weirding me out until I got a good look in the mirror.:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Haha yeah . You can take everything we read around here about what attracts women , put it through the blender then chuck it in the bin.
And instead, just go out looking like [email protected] and they love it every time :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Geez pretty quiet round here lately. Am l witnessing a change of the guards by any chance ? Maybe out with the old and in with the next lot of new Tamers type sitch.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> No, I love my psychologist. She's a real sweetheart and just this adorable nerd.
> 
> She writes really good notes about me too.:smthumbup:


You're not supposed to see her notes...


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Should I risk a good FWB for a chance at a hot 2nd FWB? Bah!


Why not just tell FWB about FWB 2? Doesn't sound like FWB is a sure thing though. And it also sounds you're kind of in a monogamous FWB with the first one. Hehehehe. 



RandomDude said:


> FWB's hot sure but, dunno =/ I'm _infactuated_!


Infactuated? Or infatuated? InfaCtuated sounds fun.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Geez pretty quiet round here lately. Am l witnessing a change of the guards by any chance ? Maybe out with the old and in with the next lot of new Tamers type sitch.


Yeah I think that's it. 

Newer posters and, well, just a different vibe. Seems a lot of us regulars have been more mum lately.


----------



## TooNice

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I think that's it.
> 
> Newer posters and, well, just a different vibe. Seems a lot of us regulars have been more mum lately.


But you have newbies here because you all seemed like nice folks who could teach us a thing or two. Just for the record.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Why not just tell FWB about FWB 2? Doesn't sound like FWB is a sure thing though. And it also sounds you're kind of in a monogamous FWB with the first one. Hehehehe.


Cause I have a good thing going and don't wanna rock the boat! Besides FWB did leave to try dating again the last time when I had 2 FWBs. But one can argue that her sharing me was nothing to do with her decision but dunno, tis risky.



> Infactuated? Or infatuated? InfaCtuated sounds fun.


Theres a difference? All I know is that I am getting butterflies with potential FWB


----------



## muskrat

whitehawk said:


> Geez pretty quiet round here lately. Am l witnessing a change of the guards by any chance ? Maybe out with the old and in with the next lot of new Tamers type sitch.


Speaking only for myself, I have given up on dating, so I don't have much to add here lately. That and I have had some technical difficulties with my computer.


----------



## whitehawk

TooNice said:


> But you have newbies here because you all seemed like nice folks who could teach us a thing or two. Just for the record.



Haha yep , it's a nice and often funny place to walk through that new garden of thorns holding some hands.
We still step on a few but hey it helps :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Speaking only for myself, I have given up on dating, so I don't have much to add here lately. That and I have had some technical difficulties with my computer.


Me too! The dating thing, not the computer thing! Rat needs to move to the right side of the Mississippi!


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Me too! The dating thing, not the computer thing! Rat needs to move to the right side of the Mississippi!


I'll do just that, in about 13 years.  You could always move to the Appalachian mountains.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> Speaking only for myself, I have given up on dating, so I don't have much to add here lately. That and I have had some technical difficulties with my computer.



Ahh the break will do you good anyway, that's what l should get back to. .
Although l'm not so much dating as such but my date sites sure taken off again .
Met 4 or 5 new ones in the last day or two alone. Dozens all up , literally lost count .

But hey , a tiny bit of special news. l found this girl about a mth ago and she was a def' fk yes . But she hasn't logged in for mths. l wanna meet her so bad though l thought l don't care and emailed . 3wks , nothin . On mine it expires after 3wks so l thought ok , l'm sending a new one , l don't care.

Well guess what , she not only came back but she excepted my invo . So l've written her , hopefully she comes back again and we get somewhere, still waiting .

lt's easy normally but when l'm really really keen well, l hope l didn't mess it up


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Cause I have a good thing going and don't wanna rock the boat! Besides FWB did leave to try dating again the last time when I had 2 FWBs. But one can argue that her sharing me was nothing to do with her decision but dunno, tis risky.
> 
> 
> 
> Theres a difference? All I know is that I am getting butterflies with potential FWB



No brainer , you'd lose her. Might have to let the butterflies rule though if they keep up RD :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> You're not supposed to see her notes...


I can if I go down to patient records and request a copy...... But I don't do that. I don't want to interfere with my treatment in any way possible. 

I've been told by the doctor over her that her notes are very good.


----------



## me2pointoh

TooNice said:


> Just want to share an interesting observation I've had in the past week or so. I guess I feel like I'm attractive enough, but since I removed my ring, I have noticed a definite shift in how men speak to me. I had a meeting the other day with a group I am involved with through work. There's a guy there that I've always gotten along well with, but out of the blue, he was super chatty with me. Enough to have me get in my car afterward and laugh about it, just because I was so not expecting it.
> 
> It was a pleasant surprise, but made me think that I guess it's time to start thinking like a single woman!


I hadn't worn a wedding ring in years because it was one of the things that got pawned in our crazy financial situation, and looking back on who I was then, I like to say I was wearing I-love-my-husband blinders. When I came to realize that nothing I could do would turn my XH's heart back toward me and started looking at a future without him, I started noticing men noticing me. It was crazy, like a switch went on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> You're not supposed to see her notes...


Ha ha, I know right! I can remember a time when I was in the Navy and I got on the train heading back to base looking like complete sh!t. I mean I was in my uniform but it was all dingy from the smog in new york, my tie was wrinkled from tying this girl up with it the night before:smthumbup:, my hair was a mess from the silly dixie cup hat, my eyes were still blood shot from a night of drinking before, and my voice was all hoarse and raspy from yelling and taking down hard liquor. Guess what though, I got this girls phone number anyways because despite all of this I was having fun and making her laugh. Wasn't even trying to get her, just going along for the ride.


----------



## whitehawk

Do you think l should be worried about this, maybe walk away for awhile ? 
Well that is if my new fk yes falls through.

Thing is , l've met so many women , l'm becoming desensitized . l can't even remember some from last wk or yesterday half the time . l even have to often check who they are all the time.

l worry myself . This style is def' not me but l dunno , they just keep popping up.
l know the radars just going ballistic but it still knows the real thing when it sees it.
lt's just that l'm not seeing too many real things so while l'm waiting , or someone nice contacts me . Don't know really but one way or another .


----------



## whitehawk

The one thing that makes me think sometimes - oh don't worry about just go with the flow.

ls that when l met my ex , l was meeting dozens of chicks . lt was like oh whatever, but then one day just out of the blue amongst it all , ex popped up and l knew with her straight away .


----------



## Nsweet

WH, so stop looking for women just to f*ck. I mean if you're serial dating and can't find a single one that likes you for you, what do you think you should stop doing so much?


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> WH, so stop looking for women just to f*ck. I mean if you're serial dating and can't find a single one that likes you for you, what do you think you should stop doing so much?



l dunno , now l'm confused . Except they all like me , well {most} that is, of mine anyway , that's not the problem. The problem is l'm meeting so many yet not really any l'm crazy about . 
l'm feeling like a mixed up slVt :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> l dunno , now l'm confused . Except they all like me , well {most} that is, of mine anyway , that's not the problem. The problem is l'm meeting so many yet not really any l'm crazy about .
> l'm feeling like a mixed up slVt :rofl:


I think you should back away from the online dating thing for a while. I felt the same way, and I have to say that I am feeling a lot of peace not being online "shopping" for a man!


----------



## Nsweet

whitehawk said:


> l dunno , now l'm confused . Except they all like me , well {most} that is, of mine anyway , that's not the problem. The problem is l'm meeting so many yet not really any l'm crazy about .
> l'm feeling like a mixed up slVt :rofl:


Do they like you or who you're pretending to be? 

If you aren't crazy about them, then let them go. You know how cruel it is to be played with so why are you keeping them around and preventing them from finding someone who really loves them? That's kinda cruel.


----------



## whitehawk

Actually there has been one or two l could've got crazy about but yeah , it wasn't there for them those times.


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> Do they like you or who you're pretending to be?
> 
> If you aren't crazy about them, then let them go. You know how cruel it is to be played with so why are you keeping them around and preventing them from finding someone who really loves them? That's kinda cruel.


Nah man , l'm way past pretending , think that's why they like me. lf someone doesn't like me for me then whatever l can't be fkd with it.
But yeah your right on the other and l do , l let them go and l feel bad but more just keep popping up .


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you should back away from the online dating thing for a while. I felt the same way, and I have to say that I am feeling a lot of peace not being online "shopping" for a man!


I often think about "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette". That's what talking to multiple people from online dating sites feels like, to me. You meet people, chat for a while, and see if there's a connection, and then usually there's no real connection and you just kind of let things fizzle out, all the while feeling a sense of hopelessness for not making a choice. It also feels a little like interviewing candidates for a job. I try to remember that the fun is in meeting new people and just seeing whether or not there's a connection. One can enjoy the company of another for a few hours and it doesn't all have to be about "finding the one". 

I got through periods where I think, "hey, this is fun. look at all these people, of which maybe one or two might be great to hang out with!", but most of them just want semi-anonymous sex (I'm all for casual and non-committed, but I don't wanna bang a bunch of strangers out of boredom) or jut happen to be a poor fit. And, it's really hard to tell whether that in-person connection is going to be there when the representations of the self are so static online. I'm still on a site, but, I haven't met many people with long-term potential. I met a lot of attractive guys that just wanna be FWB, though.



Nsweet said:


> If you aren't crazy about them, then let them go.


Retrospectively, I think it all feels that way. I think, though, that WH is bemoaning the lack of mutual connection, rather than the fact that there are so many options. Sometimes, going on a few dates is not about readiness to have a relationship or love, but about getting to know people and seeing how things go. 

NSweet, I hope your day has gotten better!


----------



## ne9907

Skydiving was awesome!

It was magical, heavenly, amazing!

WH-- step back from dating


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Geez pretty quiet round here lately. Am l witnessing a change of the guards by any chance ? Maybe out with the old and in with the next lot of new Tamers type sitch.


Im still around just don't have any funny/interesting dating stories to tell, since im only seeing the one guy now..


----------



## Garry2012

Online dating.....boy is it fun or what? I filter on body type (i am fit and it fits my lifestyle), status (no interest in separated--not sure never married/no kids is a fit either), age, distance and race). But, frankly, I have as good if not better luck in my meetup groups....face to face is still ALOT better.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Geez pretty quiet round here lately. Am l witnessing a change of the guards by any chance ? Maybe out with the old and in with the next lot of new Tamers type sitch.


I ACTUALLY took some vacation time...hoooooly shipwreck did I need it. I knew I was running ragged but now that I am back I can't believe how great and optimistic I feel.
Good times up and down the west coast of Michigan meeting friends and family just me all by myself. Good people, good food, good drink, GREAT time.
Very inspiring.


----------



## Another Planet

TooNice said:


> But you have newbies here because you all seemed like nice folks who could teach us a thing or two. Just for the record.


I'm still here but I am not a single anymore so I just check on you guys and chime in here and there for banter with friends 
I could brush the dust off and tell some of my crazy stories lol


----------



## Arendt

I have been busy doing carpentry: making my own bed for when I move in 10 days. Fun stuff. Taking up all my time though. Tons of storage and it is really nice; solid oak. Nearly done. 

I sold off almost all my old furniture. Pretty much anything from my marriage days or things I brought into the marriage are all gone. Making my own stuff to replace things, especially my bed and book shelving, which I need a lot of (except a couch...I am going to IKEA for that).


----------



## ne9907

Before jump and during jump, pretty awesome!


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, I've got a date tonight.

A lady friend who worked backstage at my last show - I asked her if she wanted to meet up for coffee, and she said yes.

I think it's pretty low-key, but I'm still nervous. Pretty confident that once I actually get there, it'll be fun, though.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm building a fairy house for RenFest. 

Yup - I'm a nerd. But I'll tell ya what, its a whole lot funner and more interesting than dating or trying to get laid!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm building a fairy house for RenFest.
> 
> Yup - I'm a nerd. But I'll tell ya what, its a whole lot funner and more interesting than dating or trying to get laid!!!


I can relate! I just got to geek out on my hobby for a whole week! :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Which is?


----------



## moxy

The only thing on my agenda this week is work. A lot of work. A couple of weeks and then I will be done with this deadline and able to relax during a short vacation, if I can just manage to get there! Two things are distracting me today: 1) a desire for sleep, as I am not getting enough of it, and running on coffee and zombie impersonations is just not enough; and 2) a desire for sex, as the text flirting is fun but I am so frustrated because my schedule and my guy's are not matching up right now. If I could get laid and then get a nap, I might survive the next couple of weeks in a happier mood.

vi -- That sounds like so much fun!
3x -- what's your geeky hobby?
ne -- you look super happy!
bax -- good luck/have fun on your date!
arendt -- remodeling or renovating: great idea!

ap -- but, you're not married yet and so hearing about your dating relationship falls under this heading, still; we like hearing your dating stories because they demonstrate that it's not all drama and chaos out there.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> No brainer , you'd lose her. Might have to let the butterflies rule though if they keep up RD :rofl:


Dunno bro, she didn't mind me having someone else when we first got intimate - though sure it could have been one of the reasons why she eventually decided to go back to dating for a while. Meh, guess I shouldn't push it. 

As for butterfly-lady I'm avoiding her if I can help it, I doubt I would stick to just FWB with her, considering I'm already emotionally interested and I haven't even asked her out yet! Just one of those types - must stay away!

And stick to mammalistic functions only!


----------



## whitehawk

Garry2012 said:


> Online dating.....boy is it fun or what? I filter on body type (i am fit and it fits my lifestyle), status (no interest in separated--not sure never married/no kids is a fit either), age, distance and race). But, frankly, I have as good if not better luck in my meetup groups....face to face is still ALOT better.


Yeah l would love to just have a bit going in RL where l could meet people that way.
l have been working on it .


----------



## jpr

whitehawk said:


> Geez pretty quiet round here lately. Am l witnessing a change of the guards by any chance ? Maybe out with the old and in with the next lot of new Tamers type sitch.


I am still here...reading a bit. 

....and silently judging.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> I have been busy doing carpentry: making my own bed for when I move in 10 days. Fun stuff. Taking up all my time though. Tons of storage and it is really nice; solid oak. Nearly done.
> 
> I sold off almost all my old furniture. Pretty much anything from my marriage days or things I brought into the marriage are all gone. Making my own stuff to replace things, especially my bed and book shelving, which I need a lot of (except a couch...I am going to IKEA for that).



Can l relate. l've just moved out to,5wks. My past is pretty well all gone , my new rental was fully furnished and we've signed . l'm still getting use to it all , some nights l still think hell , what's just happened , look at me .
l spose l shouldn't even be messing with women anyway right now , l'm so just still getting my bearings in all this. lt's a pretty big house though and pretty empty when my d isn't around . l dunno , the nights are hard so l end up going and meeting women.

We made this big 4 poster once back when we first met , ex and l. We were amazed at how good it turned out.
Even years later still, every time you walked into the bedroom it was still just , wow ! lt wound up in a lot of my paintings for awhile back there , ex use to model on it a lot for me.
Good luck with yours , nice one.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



jpr said:


> I am still here...reading a bit.
> 
> ....and silently judging.


Phew. At least I'm not the only one.


----------



## whitehawk

lt's weird. l have been really selective this time in anyone l do meet now and l've declined quite a few that have approached me to.
l was having a break but as l was just saying , with my new place and all. And at that very same time l don't know what happened with my site, maybe they've just done a big promotion campaign or something but they are everywhere. All new ones , 100s of them.

l realized a awhile back out of boredom l was just sort of meeting anyone that even 1/2 fitted the bill and so too many. Then with the moving and all , took some time out.
But with so many new ones it's still all turning out just a re run of last time anyway.

l do have that one really special one that just finally got back to me last night though . Hoping we hit it off .
lf not l better take another break l think, get back to walking the dog for awhile :rofl:

There's one for you people , you meet one or two new people every time your just walking your dog , it's really funny.
Don't join date sites or bother clubbing, just get a dog :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Get yourself a little fox terrier like mine that thinks his 3 feet tall and runs of picking fights or causing some havoc with everyone else's dogs.
Next minute you have to go up and sort it out , you both end up laughing away at the little big tough man , [ his harmless ] and if you want it goes from there.
Auto intro :smthumbup:

ps , l'm trying to train him to have a better eye for the hotties though !


----------



## evolver

Four days straight of social binging. All of it was a blast. I discovered two girls that somehow seem to have crushes on me, was told I was "hot" by another, a fourth asked to be introduced to me, was flirted with by a fifth. That was night one. Night two was a horror movie at the diner theater with new friends. Night three was a crazy bonfire. Three women tried to take my clothes off. They had already removed theirs. Someone kissed me on the lips. There were circus performers. I met a beautiful nurse. Up at 8am to hit the climbing gym with more new-ish friends, followed by the best tacos I've ever eaten. That's quite a social streak for an introvert like me. 

...and yet, tonight I'm feeling sad, unattractive and lonely. I felt attachment to none of those people. I feel sorry for and confused by the girls who seem to be crushing on me. Sorry that I couldn't think of something better to say to the woman who told me "you're hot", besides "thank you". Focusing on how unseductively I treated that nurse who was was clearly interested in me. I got a momentary rush from the flattery, but ultimately, I miss the intimate, monogamous, constant companionship that I had before. 

I'm also still thinking about the gorgeous red head, Ygritte from a few pages back, who ghosted me before I got a chance to know her. Grrr!

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## RandomDude

> Sorry that I couldn't think of something better to say to the woman who told me "you're hot", besides "thank you".


That's alright, it's not too bad.

I still remember in my early teens when girls had crushes on me I had the worst ways to deal with them:

Girl 1: "I had a crush on you all year"
Me: "Errr... So?"

Girl 2: "We should go out"
Me: "You got to be kidding me"

:slap: Oh the idiot that I was!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

evolver said:


> Four days straight of social binging. All of it was a blast. I discovered two girls that somehow seem to have crushes on me, was told I was "hot" by another, a fourth asked to be introduced to me, was flirted with by a fifth. That was night one. Night two was a horror movie at the diner theater with new friends. Night three was a crazy bonfire. Three women tried to take my clothes off. They had already removed theirs. Someone kissed me on the lips. There were circus performers. I met a beautiful nurse. Up at 8am to hit the climbing gym with more new-ish friends, followed by the best tacos I've ever eaten. That's quite a social streak for an introvert like me.
> 
> ...and yet, tonight I'm feeling sad, unattractive and lonely. I felt attachment to none of those people. I feel sorry for and confused by the girls who seem to be crushing on me. Sorry that I couldn't think of something better to say to the woman who told me "you're hot", besides "thank you". Focusing on how unseductively I treated that nurse who was was clearly interested in me. I got a momentary rush from the flattery, but ultimately, I miss the intimate, monogamous, constant companionship that I had before.
> 
> I'm also still thinking about the gorgeous red head, Ygritte from a few pages back, who ghosted me before I got a chance to know her. Grrr!
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


You did fine. Saying thank you is perfectly acceptable, and I am impressed that you didnt allow yourself to get swept up in the freaky bonfire business. I'm sure it was all flattering, yet overwhelming. That happens to us introverts. And I am totally feeling ya on missing the whole monogamy thing, too. 

Try to let go of the whole Ygritte deal, that was unhealthy.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Dunno bro, she didn't mind me having someone else when we first got intimate - though sure it could have been one of the reasons why she eventually decided to go back to dating for a while. Meh, guess I shouldn't push it.
> 
> As for butterfly-lady I'm avoiding her if I can help it, I doubt I would stick to just FWB with her, considering I'm already emotionally interested and I haven't even asked her out yet! Just one of those types - must stay away!
> 
> And stick to mammalistic functions only!



l couldn't think of how to put this one either.
And it'll all sound very universe'ish , but one day it's gonna happen l guess and someones butterflies will just be strong enough to over power the FWB , and off you'll both go into the sunset l guess , new beginning.

But eh, it's all very easy to say and be relaxed about from the outside looking in l know it .


----------



## whitehawk

evolver said:


> Four days straight of social binging. All of it was a blast. I discovered two girls that somehow seem to have crushes on me, was told I was "hot" by another, a fourth asked to be introduced to me, was flirted with by a fifth. That was night one. Night two was a horror movie at the diner theater with new friends. Night three was a crazy bonfire. Three women tried to take my clothes off. They had already removed theirs. Someone kissed me on the lips. There were circus performers. I met a beautiful nurse. Up at 8am to hit the climbing gym with more new-ish friends, followed by the best tacos I've ever eaten. That's quite a social streak for an introvert like me.
> 
> ...and yet, tonight I'm feeling sad, unattractive and lonely. I felt attachment to none of those people. I feel sorry for and confused by the girls who seem to be crushing on me. Sorry that I couldn't think of something better to say to the woman who told me "you're hot", besides "thank you". Focusing on how unseductively I treated that nurse who was was clearly interested in me. I got a momentary rush from the flattery, but ultimately, I miss the intimate, monogamous, constant companionship that I had before.
> 
> I'm also still thinking about the gorgeous red head, Ygritte from a few pages back, who ghosted me before I got a chance to know her. Grrr!
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_



Yeah thank you was fine , ease up on yourself.
I envy you though with RL stuff happening , right there all around you , living , instead of this online thing.
But hey , it sounds just as confusing :rofl:

l know that coming down feeling , even with everyone l've been meeting , l still feel like that and well , pretty fkg empty actually. lt's all very weird and confusing.
One thing l know for sure though and it's about time l started living by it l think. Quality far out ways quantity for me.


----------



## TooNice

whitehawk said:


> Quality far out ways quantity for me.


I agree!

I think people have the impression that many people out there are all suave and sexy and and movie-like when it comes to these encounters. In reality, most of us are shy and awkward and can always think of a dozen different ways to play out a scene rather than how we really handled it. I haven't even started dating yet, and I know this.  

No worries. You were you...and for the right woman, that will be just perfect.


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, that was fun.

Hit a bar, then moved on to a restaurant. Had a really fun set of conversations, yet I will admit it felt more like being out to eat with a friend. Which isn't bad - I can always use more friends!


----------



## whitehawk

Changed my mind about this one , bit soon .


----------



## movealong

My lunch date on Saturday went well, but she is a party girl and I am an alcoholic, lol! I think that will be the only time we go out. 

I just started chatting with a woman on zoosk. Very eclectic, very interesting, and very attractive. Told her I didn't drink and she was cool with it. Told her my daughter is my priority and she was cool with it. I got her number, so I think I may just give her a call this afternoon.


----------



## evolver

whitehawk said:


> l know that coming down feeling , even with everyone l've been meeting , l still feel like that and well , pretty fkg empty actually.


Sorry that you're feeling like that too, but I'm glad you said it. I was starting to wonder if it was just me.


----------



## whitehawk

EEEhh , congrats move . Only a few wks ago you were contemplating it all right here . 
And now , your out in the thick of it already :smthumbup: 
And not wasting any time either buy the sounds of it :rofl:

Can't believe you had success on that Zoosk. l got zero , zilch , nada on that thing. l was convinced the whole site must've been a hoax. l got a refund and went back to my old one.


----------



## whitehawk

evolver said:


> Sorry that you're feeling like that too, but I'm glad you said it. I was starting to wonder if it was just me.


You to man. But nah , l think a most of us go through something like it all .


----------



## whitehawk

It's amazing . A day is a long time in politics or dating right 
My mind has just been mush from it all. Only yesterday l decided right , you guys have spoken :rofl: , and you were right .
Step the hell back for awhile.
Accept !!!!! , oh no here we go. 

Remember l mentioned the new girl that l'd been trying to get in touch with for ages . The only real one that interested me but she hadn't logged in for 6wks.

Well , we talked again today , phone. I am so exited about her that l put a pic in here earlier today for you guys - just privately . But then l thought , don't be a moron you've only just finally managed to talk. That'll jinx it .

And besides , now we can't talk again for a few days because she has this thing on. Gorgeous voice too  But if this one flops , l am definitely getting back on that fence for awhile.


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> EEEhh , congrats move . Only a few wks ago you were contemplating it all right here .
> And now , your out in the thick of it already :smthumbup:
> And not wasting any time either buy the sounds of it :rofl:
> 
> Can't believe you had success on that Zoosk. l got zero , zilch , nada on that thing. l was convinced the whole site must've been a hoax. l got a refund and went back to my old one.


I just don't see any reason to sit around and mope. I am not looking for a perfect match or marriage, I am just checking things out. I was in a crappy marriage for 7 out of 14 years and I want to enjoy life again. That includes the opposite sex! 

It shocked me that I got a reply at all on zoosk. I changed my profile info to be more humorous, went and sent probably 10 messages, and got 2 responses and several page views. The two that responded were actually the ones that I was interested in. Had a great chat with one, and a meh chat with the other. Both live within 25 miles of me, so that is a plus. Eclectic is very interesting! LOL! I just sent her a text, so I'll wait to see what happens.


----------



## whitehawk

I wish l could text her. Nearly 7 wks l've waited and now she's got this high pressure work thing on for 3days. lt's basically been a year in the prep' so l've just gotta stay away and let her get through it .


----------



## movealong

Good news: I didn't get "random numbered". She responded to the text message, so that is a good step in the right direction!


----------



## movealong




----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Before jump and during jump, pretty awesome!


 You jumped from an airplane....that is....crazy!  Just thinking about it nearly gives me a heart attack. Good for you.


----------



## whitehawk

Me to . No way l'm jumpin out of anything


----------



## ne9907

I am getting tired of blue eyes.


----------



## Jellybeans

I thought you were tired of him 2-3 months ago and only wanted him for sex.


----------



## movealong

Question for the ladies. I just sent her this text in reply:



> It was great chatting with you as well.
> 
> There is a great little chinese place over near you. They have sushi and a buffet. Let's meet there for dinner. What evening would be best for you?
> 
> movealong


Is that too forward or am I over thinking it?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies. I just sent her this text in reply:
> 
> Is that too forward or am I over thinking it?


Maybe a better approach would have been to ASK, but going ahead and suggesting the meetup isnt too forward, in my opinion.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I thought you were tired of him 2-3 months ago and only wanted him for sex.


That is what I am getting tired of... he asked me out yesterday and I just did not feel it... I am going to be really mean but the thought of kissing me sort of turned my stomach ><



movealong said:


> Question for the ladies. I just sent her this text in reply:
> 
> 
> 
> Is that too forward or am I over thinking it?


That is good! She will either say yes or no, good luck!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Damn. I came back and got a lot of likes for that comment. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Movealong, it's fine. Either she will respond with a yes or she won't.

You took directionw hich is sexy but next time just have more of a choice in there: 

_It was great chatting with you as well. 

There is a great little chinese place over near you. They have sushi and a buffet. *Want to meet there for dinner one evening this week?*

movealong_


----------



## vi_bride04

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies. I just sent her this text in reply:
> 
> Is that too forward or am I over thinking it?


I loved how you phrased it. I would personally love to meet a guy who knew what he wanted like that. It sounds like a confident text, IMO.

It was no non-sense, lets get together, put the ball back in her court proposal.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> That is what I am getting tired of... he asked me out yesterday and I just did not feel it... I am going to be really mean but the thought of kissing me sort of turned my stomach ><


Don't be mean. Just tell him you don't want to meet up. If you are tired of him, just break it off and tell him you don't want to continue anything. Or that you just want sex.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies. I just sent her this text in reply:
> 
> 
> 
> Is that too forward or am I over thinking it?


Well, I don't think you should tell a lady to move along after inviting her to dinner, but it sounds good enough.

Semantically, you might try some other words, such as "I'd like to have dinner with you soon. When can we make that happen? Have you been to [the Chinese place[ (use specific name instead of describing the place)?" 

It's more personable. The words and grammar structures you chose are a bit on the "hedging side": they, there, what/would...and pins down to one location, some ladies like to pick a place they're going to be comfortable in. Don't mention that it's near her work or home. She knows that, and it's great you want to make it convenient to her, but mentioning it moves towards the creepy side for a first date? She may feel more comfortable somewhere else. 

Although, an invite is an invite?!


----------



## movealong

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, I don't think you should tell a lady to move along after inviting her to dinner, but it sounds good enough.


:iagree: I used my real name in the text and my screen name here, lol!



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Semantically, you might try some other words, such as "I'd like to have dinner with you soon. When can we make that happen? Have you been to [the Chinese place[ (use specific name instead of describing the place)?"
> 
> It's more personable. The words and grammar structures you chose are a bit on the "hedging side": they, there, what/would...and pins down to one location, some ladies like to pick a place they're going to be comfortable in. Don't mention that it's near her work or home. She knows that, and it's great you want to make it convenient to her, but mentioning it moves towards the creepy side for a first date? She may feel more comfortable somewhere else.
> 
> Although, an invite is an invite?!


I see what you are saying, but I figure as strong a personality as she is I will get shot down or be successful. Either way nothing ventured nothing gained.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> :iagree: I used my real name in the text and my screen name here, lol!


Can you imagine if you signed off with "Movealong."

Hehehe. 

Let us know what she says, Movealong.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Can you imagine if you signed off with "Movealong."
> 
> Hehehe.
> 
> Let us know what she says, Movealong.



:rofl:

I have so many names! I sometimes sign the wrong name!
Like my legal name (which I havent changed) a nickname from childhood (FB name), a fake name I like to use when I met uninteresting men (Penelope), and of course ne!


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Can you imagine if you signed off with "Movealong."
> 
> Hehehe.
> 
> Let us know what she says, Movealong.


Heheh! That would have been interesting and funny! I could just see the confused look, lol!

And I got a response......



> Eclectic: Sounds good! I am available Thursday on.


Okay, is it wrong to high 5 yourself if no one is around to give you a high 5? LOL!


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Heheh! That would have been interesting and funny! I could just see the confused look, lol!
> 
> And I got a response......
> 
> 
> 
> Okay, is it wrong to high 5 yourself if no one is around to give you a high 5? LOL!


:smthumbup:

Virtual High FIVE!

Now, if the sex is amazing make sure you high five her and say

"We so rock at this sh!t, lets do it again!!


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Virtual High FIVE!
> 
> Now, if the sex is amazing make sure you high five her and say
> 
> "We so rock at this sh!t, lets do it again!!


And that's when she said do you smoke after sex? And I replied, I don't know, I never checked. Ba-da-bump!

I am re-finding my confidence. It is a good feeling.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> Heheh!
> And I got a response......
> 
> 
> 
> _Eclectic: Sounds good! I am available Thursday on._
> 
> 
> 
> *Okay, is it wrong to high 5 yourself if no one is around to give you a high 5? * LOL!


Hell yes! And this is me giving you a virtual high-five. 
Chicka-chicka-yeaaaah!










Make sure you spritz on some sexy smelling cologne, Movealong. Is this your first time out with her?


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Hell yes! And this is me giving you a virtual high-five.
> Chicka-chicka-yeaaaah!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Make sure you spritz on some sexy smelling cologne, Movealong. Is this your first time out with her?


Yes, this is the first time meeting her. I have Grey Flannel, Obsession for men, and Old Spice....yeah, going with the Old Spice, lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Virtual High FIVE!
> 
> Now, if the sex is amazing make sure you high five her and say
> 
> "We so rock at this sh!t, lets do it again!!


Wow, let him get through the first date before pimping him out!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

movealong said:


> :iagree: I used my real name in the text and my screen name here, lol!
> 
> 
> 
> I see what you are saying, but I figure as strong a personality as she is I will get shot down or be successful. Either way nothing ventured nothing gained.


Was just teasing, never miss a good opportunity for that.

Yah, I see your point. If she has a strong personality all those semantics could come across as begging and be a big turn off. Or too many ? to be answered. Instead of just yes and logistics.


----------



## TooNice

This place is cracking me up today. Thanks for the smiles! 

And congrats, Movealong-be sure to let us know how it goes!


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> This place is cracking me up today. Thanks for the smiles!
> 
> And congrats, Movealong-be sure to let us know how it goes!


Ah TooNice
You totally missed the anecdote about my "best date" ever with a bum who drove a beat up mini van and lived by the river!


----------



## vi_bride04

movealong said:


> Heheh! That would have been interesting and funny! I could just see the confused look, lol!
> 
> And I got a response......
> 
> 
> 
> Okay, is it wrong to high 5 yourself if no one is around to give you a high 5? LOL!


So she must have found your approach as attractive as I did! 

Good luck on the date!!!


----------



## ne9907

Good article

*CASUAL SEX TAKES many forms*. You know the obvious ones: the one-night stand, the booty call, sex by appointment. More recent variations include "rec" (recreational) sex, which exists because, as one friend told me, "every great athlete needs practice." And then there's "cereal" sex, which is a one-night stand amid a dry spell that, like cereal, is satisfying in the moment but leaves you needing further sustenance shortly thereafter.

Yet, every flavor of casual sex-uncommitted, unemotional, purely carnal-is governed by the same rules. We list them below to help you fornicate better.

*1) Check your emotions at the door. *
When I hosted my ninth birthday party at a Japanese steakhouse, we were instructed to remove our shoes prior to sitting in our little elevated wooden booth. Then we enjoyed a fiery display that dazzled the senses and whet the appetite before a positively succulent meal.

In casual sex, you should similarly check your emotions at the door. What happens next may not involve an Asian man lighting a table on fire before your eyes or flipping a shrimp tail into his breast pocket but will, if all goes well, prove equally entertaining, satisfying, and, well, hot.

If you or your partner can't ignore your feelings, reconsider the arrangement. Casual sex should be unemotional, not sociopathic. Don't hurt anyone or set yourself up to be hurt-unless, you know, masochism is your thing.

*2) Be yourself, only different. *
Remember how the Wedding Crashers guys made up all those bogus back-stories? They were foreign legionnaires. Then New York Yankees. Then WASPs. Take a lesson from those masters of casual sex: be yourself-but different.

Don't lie to your partner: "I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona, but it's not Halloween," Owen Wilson said in character. But you can appear more uninhibited, mysterious, and spontaneous than usual. You have permission to adopt somewhat of a character, a romanticized or heightened or self-actualized version of yourself. It's like role-playing, which, it turns out, many people really like.



*3) Be a gentleman-and an animal. *
Casual sex requires a delicate balance: respect and generosity and safety, coupled with unadulterated, unabashed corporeality. You're a gentleman and an animal, like a werewolf in a top hat.

Find your perfect combination: You're a (more upbeat version of) Edward Norton's polite narrator and, at the same time, Brad Pitt's six-pack-jacked Tyler Durden. You're Steve Urkel and Stefan Urquelle. You're Clark Kent in the streets and Superman in the sheets.

*4) Control your portions.* 
Imagine a food pyramid, only for casual relationships. The base (reserved for grains) should be occupied by sex. When you're having casual sex, have lots and lots of sex. Have the most sex.

At the tippy top of the pyramid, (where sugars and sweets live) are what's to be done sparingly: Host a full-on sleepover followed by brunch the next day, a day in the park and then-why not?-a romantic dinner. That's the opposite of casual.

In between those extremes, you'll find activities like foreplay, showering, watching TV, talking, and preparing post-sex pastrami sandwiches. Handle non-sex, especially arrivals and departures, with self-awareness and courtesy. If you're hosting, don't kick someone out with the brazenness of a World Cup red card; also don't force or expect someone to stay over. If you're a guest, don't sneak out (wake me up before you go-go!), but don't overstay your welcome unless they're offering-and you're up for deli meat and spooning.


*5) Pop the questions. *
One-night stands, vacation sex, and whatever happened with your masseuse that one time can be anonymous, disorganized, and fleeting.

But if your arrangement appears ongoing, it's best to establish some ground rules. Ask some or all of these questions of yourself and your partner: Is this actually casual for both of us? What happens if our feelings change? How often and when do you want this to happen? Do you expect a date beforehand? Are you cool that I'm also seeing other people? Is this is a secret from friends and coworkers? Have you been tested? Do you like it when I put it there? How does that feel? Do you mind getting on top this time? Really? Right now? In the kitchen?

*6) Stare death in the face. *
The moment you start having casual sex is the beginning of the end. The arrangement, while enjoyable and healthy, is transient and unsustainable. It may last for a while, but ultimately, your little microcosm is destroying itself, which, in the words of famed sex columnist Al Gore, is an inconvenient truth.

Maybe the sex will get old. Maybe you'll find someone else. Maybe you'll start to like each other. Those definite maybes mean things will change. And when they do, be honest. Say something. Don't pull a Michael Jordan and just fade away. Leave the situation gracefully and respectfully, or get left humbly and patiently. No one likes a bad breakup, especially if there was no relationship to start


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> The moment you start having casual sex is the beginning of the end.


:rofl: Yep.

What is it about sex that just complicates EVERYTHING? This is why most FWB do NOT work.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Yep.
> 
> What is it about sex that just complicates EVERYTHING? This is why most FWB do NOT work.



I actually think that emotions complicate things more than sex does, but it depends upon the paradigm, I think.

I wanna text this guy and just tell him I miss his body and want him something fierce, but...because I am crushing on him, I've become suddenly shy. I didn't voice my feelings, but they influence my actions; I'm trying to decide whether such a text would be too forward or appealing; the risk is suddenly bigger because I care.


----------



## Jellybeans

Freaking "feelings!"


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I actually think that emotions complicate things more than sex does, but it depends upon the paradigm, I think.
> 
> I wanna text this guy and just tell him I miss his body and want him something fierce, but...because I am crushing on him, I've become suddenly shy. I didn't voice my feelings, but they influence my actions; I'm trying to decide whether such a text would be too forward or appealing; the risk is suddenly bigger because I care.


A glass of wine and a xanax does wonders for courage


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Yep.
> 
> What is it about sex that just complicates EVERYTHING? This is why most FWB do NOT work.


totally agree
but then again, isnt dating similar? We begin dating someone with the intention of making it long term and does not work, so we end up breaking up. However, this break up may be more painful, emotional, and even ugly because we invested emotions.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I actually think that emotions complicate things more than sex does, but it depends upon the paradigm, I think.
> 
> I wanna text this guy and just tell him I miss his body and want him something fierce, but...because I am crushing on him, I've become suddenly shy. I didn't voice my feelings, but they influence my actions; I'm trying to decide whether such a text would be too forward or appealing; the risk is suddenly bigger because I care.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok I joined Tinder to see what it's all about it and put my settings to match me with only the the old(er) men. 

I just want to sort of see what the fuss it about. No expectations. 

New Grandpa...here I come! LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> A glass of wine and a xanax does wonders for courage


Almost as good as a steak and potatoes dinner.


----------



## TooNice

Another Planet said:


> A glass of wine and a xanax does wonders for courage


I don't even need the Xanax.


----------



## Jellybeans

Word to the wise: Men, please do not use a dating picture profile of you and a woman. It's an automatic NO.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Ah TooNice
> You totally missed the anecdote about my "best date" ever with a bum who drove a beat up mini van and lived by the river!


Yep. I definitely missed that! Was he a motivational speaker, too??


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh and I just had two funny stories already

I did not mean to click on a guy, but to another guy before him. But I did and the guy I didn't mean to click on "liked" me back. Lol. And there was another pic of this super duper cut guy lifting weights. So funny. Cause he looked like a munchkin and like I could benchpress him.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Yep. I definitely missed that! Was he a motivational speaker, too??


haha nope
he was a big spender, went in a liquor store and bought me a big can of Budlight!

Oh, he called a ***** after I promised to punch him in the face if he touched me again.....

Good times! Best date evah!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> haha nope
> he was a big spender, went in a liquor store and bought me a big can of Budlight!
> 
> Oh, he called a ***** after I promised to punch him in the face if he touched me again.....
> 
> Good times! Best date evah!


Ne, that was one of THE most entertaining TAM stories ever! :lol:


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> A glass of wine and a xanax does wonders for courage



So, I should just chill out and take a risk, feelings be darned? Hmm...I like this idea. Maybe I will try it out tonight. What's the worst that can happen?


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Ok I joined Tinder to see what it's all about it and put my settings to match me with only the the old(er) men.
> 
> I just want to sort of see what the fuss it about. No expectations.
> 
> New Grandpa...here I come! LOL



That's great news, JB!!!


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> haha nope
> he was a big spender, went in a liquor store and bought me a big can of Budlight!
> 
> Oh, he called a ***** after I promised to punch him in the face if he touched me again.....
> 
> Good times! Best date evah!


Oh my, goodness! That's priceless! 

Wow. :rofl:


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> So, I should just chill out and take a risk, feelings be darned? Hmm...I like this idea. Maybe I will try it out tonight. What's the worst that can happen?


A very good friend told me today that we are too old to waste time being indirect. Made me laugh, but at the same time, I think he's onto something!


----------



## moxy

I agree ne, best dating story I've heard in a while. 

JB, accidental likes are common. They often result in weird things. I am so glad to hear you joined Tindr! We need on-the-path-to-new-Grandpa tales.

Last night, a guy I was flirting with on KIK drunk texted me and then decided to take a totally fun conversation and awkwardize it with an unsolicited d!ck pic. Killed the mood for me. Reminded me that is rather be getting for real with guy. Yeah, I just need to swallow my fear and make a gesture.


----------



## TooNice

I officially like it here and would like to stay and play for awhile. 

Just making that declaration. ;-)


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> JB, accidental likes are common. They often result in weird things. I am so glad to hear you joined Tindr! We need on-the-path-to-new-Grandpa tales.


Indeed. 

This is more of an experiment for me than anything else. I'm looking at it like a social science project.


----------



## ne9907

I enjoyed Tinder
eventually I may join again. Now, I just cruising by life, learning about my marriage with therapist. 

Btw, do you all remember Irish guy? He is on my FB friends. THe other day, he dared send me a FB question about my relationship status. I have it blank because I am ashamed to say I am divorced (eeewww a failed marriage)....
Facebook, has a way that people can click on something and send a request. He did this!!

I sent him a PM stating exactly what I told you all. His reply was very encouraging and I know he still digs me. But I am not into him at all.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Facebook, has a way that people can click on something and send a request. He did this!!


That's so weird. I never knew that about FB.

Good that you were honest with him. Now ask him out.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> That's so weird. I never knew that about FB.
> 
> Good that you were honest with him. Now ask him out.


Nope
He really is not my type at all.... I mean, I do not find him attractive


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> So, I should just chill out and take a risk, feelings be darned? Hmm...I like this idea. Maybe I will try it out tonight. What's the worst that can happen?


Yes. 
Why not? Why fight feelings, do you want something and is it going to hurt someone else? If your answers are yes I want something and no it won't hurt anyone then what is the problem.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Word to the wise: Men, please do not use a dating picture profile of you and a woman. It's an automatic NO.


PSSSSST. Those profiles are usually looking for 3somes.
The woman will do the same thing.
It's because most dating sites will not let them look for a third person. Workaround.

Then there are the guys who do put a photo of themselves with a woman. I usually read to see if it's a sister or daughter. At my age, you never can tell, there are a lot of guy and daughter photos.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ew alert: This yucky looking older man has a picture of him with a Hooters girl sitting on his lap. WTF? That is his DATING profile picture.

Guys, I've already had about 5 matches. 

Though I'm not sure where you go from there. It just says "This is a match."


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> I agree ne, best dating story I've heard in a while.
> 
> JB, accidental likes are common. They often result in weird things. I am so glad to hear you joined Tindr! We need on-the-path-to-new-Grandpa tales.
> 
> Last night, a guy I was flirting with on KIK drunk texted me and then decided to take a totally fun conversation and awkwardize it with an unsolicited d!ck pic. Killed the mood for me. Reminded me that is rather be getting for real with guy. Yeah, I just need to swallow my fear and make a gesture.


What the fvck is wrong with some dudes?! If she wants a dic pic she will ask for it geeeeezus!!! So dumb.....seriously if she is not requesting WHY would you do that?!


----------



## Jellybeans

Moxy--that is so annoying about the d*ck pics. I dont know why people we barely know think we want to see their genitals. Seriously.

W
T
F


----------



## ne9907

So far the best date Ive had was with blue eyes.... Moxy damn you!!! 

Got me thinking mushy things towards him....eeewww.... feelings are contagious....

He did buy me a book on our first date because I love reading.
Oh and dinner, and hot chocolate haha!


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> PSSSSST. Those profiles are usually looking for 3somes.
> 
> The woman will do the same thing.
> 
> It's because most dating sites will not let them look for a third person. Workaround.
> 
> 
> 
> Then there are the guys who do put a photo of themselves with a woman. I usually read to see if it's a sister or daughter. At my age, you never can tell, there are a lot of guy and daughter photos.



Exactly! ******* has plenty of people who are open about various forms of polyamory. Couple pics are not uncommon.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Moxy--that is so annoying about the d*ck pics. I dont know why people we barely know think we want to see their genitals. Seriously.
> 
> W
> T
> F


Jelly, in my world WTF means workout to failure 

Women's Squat Day with CT Fletcher: ITS STILL HER MUTHA ****IN SET!!! - YouTube


----------



## moxy

AP -- at least a warning or an offer might have been appropriate. Every single dude I've talked to online (except two, people with whom I have sone things in common and who seem fun) has either sent or offered such a photo. :/

JB -- the assumption is amusing. Most women care more about what a guy can do with his junk than express lust over seeing it, unless it's in person and the seeing is prelude to a fvck fest.

Ne, I know...feelings are contagious. I wish courage were, too. I'm trying to build up the courage to just...ask for it.


----------



## ne9907

Spot on! Enjoy~

We know there are some great love lessons we can learn from our favorite Disney movies, but there are some pretty bad ones, too. Here are five times your fave fairytales got it all wrong.

*1. You have to trick a guy to fall in love with you*. In the The Little Mermaid, Ursula may be the villian, but Ariel is the one who's willing to do anything to get Eric to fall in love with her, even if it means tricking him and leaving her family and friends behind to become a human. Sure, she almost lost everything, but in the end, she still left everyone who loved her behind and traded up for nice digs, a cute prince, and a killer pair of legs.

*2. You should sacrifice everything for love.* Pocahontas risked everything for a random guy she met in the woods, only for him to leave her to sail back home in the end. Moral of the story: When you've got great animal friends and a talking tree who has your back, you don't need to a guy, especially one who is scared to tell his friends about you.

*3. The perf guy will change your whole life.* Instead of standing up to her step-mother and evil step-sisters, Cinderalla slaved away while she waited for mice, a fairy godmother, and a prince to rescue her. Okay, cleaning up after your whole family sounds pretty mis, but the prince wasn't exactly the ultimate catch. He danced with Cinderella all night and still couldn't remember what she looked like?! And who's to say if that glass slipper never popped off her step-sister's foot, he wouldn't have married her instead? Come on-a little bit of dirt doesn't completely change your face!

*4. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince*. Determined to start her own restaurant regardless of money issues or where she came from, Tiana in the Princess and the Frog seemed like she was the first real power girl princess. But then she almost lost it all because someone told her if she kissed a frog, he'd turn into a prince and give her the money she needed for her business. She didn't need a guy to save her, and seriously, can we lose that frog cliche already? Kissing a frog isn't the way to find a prince, and finding a prince won't solve all your problems. You don't need to wait for any guy to create your own amazing life!

*5. You should lie around and wait for your true love to rescue you.* Snow White was stuck in the woods living in fear, and the only thing that could save her was "true love" and a kiss from a special prince charming. Seriously? Couldn't one of her besties come through? Or couldn't she have started a new life somewhere far away from the evil queen? Or better yet, just not have taken food from a stranger?


----------



## moxy

Ne you should watch "once upon a time".


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP -- at least a warning or an offer might have been appropriate. Every single dude I've talked to online (except two, people with whom I have sone things in common and who seem fun) has either sent or offered such a photo. :/


"Hey wanna see my dic?!"....."Get ready for a dic pic coming your way!".....OMG that made me rofl

No in my opinion if she wants it you will know. Same as requesting naked pics of girls!? Seriously dudes why don't you work harder and put some time in then maybe you get to see her IN REAL LIFE naked when you are getting some because you aren't a creeper :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Ne you should watch "once upon a time".


Dude!! I LOVE THAT SHOW!!!!!!!!!!

I dont have TV anymore, but I love it anyway! I watch it on hulu everytime I get a chance!!


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> AP -- at least a warning or an offer might have been appropriate. Every single dude I've talked to online (except two, people with whom I have sone things in common and who seem fun) has either sent or offered such a photo.


Wow. 

I would never do that. Seriously. For one thing, don't these guys read the news where this or that politician is outed for doing stuff like that? For me, it might very well be a career stopper for those kinds of photos to get out. College students I teach do not need to google me and find those kinds of photos put up by some woman-scorned.

Frankly, if a woman offered similarly I would probably say no. Just not into that sort of thing.


----------



## Arendt

Any body watch Bored to Death on HBO Go? Zach Galifianakis plays a comic illustrator who creates a character of himself with a 15ft long d!ck with superpowers! Now if a guy sent you a comic page he drew like that...I bet you would like it huh?


----------



## moxy

Arendt said:


> Wow.
> 
> 
> 
> I would never do that. Seriously. For one thing, don't these guys read the news where this or that politician is outed for doing stuff like that? For me, it might very well be a career stopper for those kinds of photos to get out. College students I teach do not need to google me and find those kinds of photos put up by some woman-scorned.
> 
> 
> 
> Frankly, if a woman offered similarly I would probably say no. Just not into that sort of thing.



Teaching keeps a person in check. I was initially nervous about online dating because I didn't want to run into any of my students on a site. I'm careful about who gets photos and what kind they get.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Wow.
> 
> I would never do that. Seriously. For one thing, don't these guys read the news where this or that politician is outed for doing stuff like that? For me, it might very well be a career stopper for those kinds of photos to get out. College students I teach do not need to google me and find those kinds of photos put up by some woman-scorned.
> 
> Frankly, if a woman offered similarly I would probably say no. Just not into that sort of thing.


Btw Arendt,
We, the women of TAM, like scholars


----------



## whitehawk

Not to say l'm not happy with who l am but yep l'd love to be the scholar . A professor , now that'd be cool.

If a chick l'd just met over online in some way offered me cu't pics , hmm. l do really prefer seeing and knowing who owns what l'm afraid . But lf l knew of her and she turned me on, hmmm , why not


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> l couldn't think of how to put this one either.
> And it'll all sound very universe'ish , but one day it's gonna happen l guess and someones butterflies will just be strong enough to over power the FWB , and off you'll both go into the sunset l guess , new beginning.
> 
> But eh, it's all very easy to say and be relaxed about from the outside looking in l know it .


Ahahaha... errr no! Not going to happen!

I doubt I'll ever get butterflies with current FWB, it's other women such as the hottie at the store that threatens to undermine my otherwise level head.

I've been disappointed enough times with dating for over a year now, not going to bother taking another chance with someone who's going to just tell me the same old story.

FWB has none of these issues. Besides I only really had one healthy long-term relationship in my life - which only lasted a few years in marriage (ex), I'm just not LTR material. Best for me to stay hardened - best for me and for the women around me mate!


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Spot on! Enjoy~
> 
> We know there are some great love lessons we can learn from our favorite Disney movies, but there are some pretty bad ones, too. Here are five times your fave fairytales got it all wrong.
> 
> *1. You have to trick a guy to fall in love with you*. In the The Little Mermaid, Ursula may be the villian, but Ariel is the one who's willing to do anything to get Eric to fall in love with her, even if it means tricking him and leaving her family and friends behind to become a human. Sure, she almost lost everything, but in the end, she still left everyone who loved her behind and traded up for nice digs, a cute prince, and a killer pair of legs.
> 
> *2. You should sacrifice everything for love.* Pocahontas risked everything for a random guy she met in the woods, only for him to leave her to sail back home in the end. Moral of the story: When you've got great animal friends and a talking tree who has your back, you don't need to a guy, especially one who is scared to tell his friends about you.
> 
> *3. The perf guy will change your whole life.* Instead of standing up to her step-mother and evil step-sisters, Cinderalla slaved away while she waited for mice, a fairy godmother, and a prince to rescue her. Okay, cleaning up after your whole family sounds pretty mis, but the prince wasn't exactly the ultimate catch. He danced with Cinderella all night and still couldn't remember what she looked like?! And who's to say if that glass slipper never popped off her step-sister's foot, he wouldn't have married her instead? Come on-a little bit of dirt doesn't completely change your face!
> 
> *4. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince*. Determined to start her own restaurant regardless of money issues or where she came from, Tiana in the Princess and the Frog seemed like she was the first real power girl princess. But then she almost lost it all because someone told her if she kissed a frog, he'd turn into a prince and give her the money she needed for her business. She didn't need a guy to save her, and seriously, can we lose that frog cliche already? Kissing a frog isn't the way to find a prince, and finding a prince won't solve all your problems. You don't need to wait for any guy to create your own amazing life!
> 
> *5. You should lie around and wait for your true love to rescue you.* Snow White was stuck in the woods living in fear, and the only thing that could save her was "true love" and a kiss from a special prince charming. Seriously? Couldn't one of her besties come through? Or couldn't she have started a new life somewhere far away from the evil queen? Or better yet, just not have taken food from a stranger?


I get what you mean, but allow me to make a few corrections to make this apply with the real story. 

*1. Damsels in distress are popular archetypes.* 
Ariel didn't trick Eric, she played up to the needs of a lonely sailor/prince and lead him to make his own conclusions about her. Remember she couldn't talk, so she couldn't exactly communicate in sign language to set the record straight. And she didn't become human to be with a prince, she did it because she wanted to have a soul. In the book mermaids didn't have souls. And the thing about the legs, it came with a price. Each step she took felt like she was walking on shards of glass. 

Spoiler Alert: In the books "The Little Mermaid" by Hans Christian Andersen, Ariel commits suicide in the end by throwing herself into the sea rather than killing the prince in order to turn back into a mermaid. 

*2. You should identify with your captors.* Just for the record Pocahontas wasn't her real name, it's a derogatory nickname meaning "The naughty one". The real Pocahontas was Matoaka, also known as Amonute, who later changed her name to Rebecca Rolfe after living with the English and converting to Christianity in 1613. She married John Rolf and bore him a son, becoming the very first documented interracial marriage. She died in 1617 a very wealthy woman.

Spoiler Alert: She is sold to the English and even when she has the chance to return she never does. 

*3. Things are not always what they seem. *
There are several renditions of Cinderella, but in the one everybody is familiar with "Cinderella" (covered in cinder) or "Aschenputtel" (Ashfool) has a mother and father in the beginning. Her mother asks of her on her deathbed to be good and kind so God would reward her before passing away. Her father remarries his second wife who is controlling and manipulative with two selfish daughters who steal Cinderellas fine clothes and jewels. 

She doesn't have a fairy godmother either, instead she plants a twig at her mothers grave, waters it with her tears, and prays to it three times a day until it grows into a tree. She gets three dresses in total with three matching shoes from a dove that drops them for her before she goes to the ball. The part about the slipper is really odd too. The prince smears the steps with pitch in the hopes that it will slow her down so she won't run away from him at midnight. She loses her gold woven slipper instead, and when the step sisters try it on they cut off parts of their feet to be able to fit inside. 

Oh, and her father doesn't even tell the prince of his daughter because he is so controlled by his second wife. The prince gets tipped off about the blood in the slipper by a talking dove and Cinderella fits the slipper, blah, blah, blah, at her wedding her step sisters get their eyes pecked out by doves. 

Spoiler Alert: The fairy godmother is her mother's ghost influencing doves.

*4. Disney completely misses the point.*
In the Brother's Grimm tale of "The Frog Prince" a young princess plays with a golden ball, her favorite possession, and loses it in a spring. She cries so deeply promising her every possession for it's return and a frog appears asking her what's wrong. The frog says he doesn't want anything from her and will return the golden ball only if she will love him, let him live with her, eat off her plate, and sleep in her bed. She gets her ball, forgets all about the frog, and leaves. It isn't until the frog comes to her that she's forced to deal with him, and it's only because her father the king that she actually holds her end of the agreement. The frog ends up turning back into the prince and they live happily every after in the prince's kingdom. 

Spoiler Alert: She never kisses the frog.

*5. Beware the stranger bearing gifts. *
In the Brother's Grimm version of "Slow White" the evil queen is Snow White's step mother. She grows so jealous of the perfect Snow Whit that she turns green and yellow with envy. So one day she asks the hunter to take Snow White into the forest, kill her, and bring back her heart and liver (or lungs and liver) as proof. He can't do it and leaves her there in hiding. He takes a boars hears and liver back to the queen where she eats them thinking it's Snow White's. When the evil queen disguised as a farmer's wife gives her the poisoned apple, she chokes on it and faints and is left in a coma for years under the glass coffin. The prince comes and takes her away, even though the dwarves aren't too sure about it, and trips while carrying her. The apple dislodges from her throat and she is revived and the two of them agree to wed. At the wedding the evil queen is invited but she forced to wear burning hot iron shoes and dance until she dies.:rofl: 

Spoiler Alert: The prince rapes Snow White while she is in a coma. And the seven dwarves represent the characteristics Snow White is looking for in a husband.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Ahahaha... errr no! Not going to happen!
> 
> I doubt I'll ever get butterflies with current FWB, it's other women such as the hottie at the store that threatens to undermine my otherwise level head.
> 
> I've been disappointed enough times with dating for over a year now, not going to bother taking another chance with someone who's going to just tell me the same old story.
> 
> FWB has none of these issues. Besides I only really had one healthy long-term relationship in my life - which only lasted a few years in marriage (ex), I'm just not LTR material. Best for me to stay hardened - best for me and for the women around me mate!



Haha , no l didn't mean with FWB , ain't gonna happen. But maybe someone else comes along , one day . Yet , on the other hand , who knows but l do know how you feel. l've been at the wondering why l'd even bother point too , still not sure tbh .


----------



## movealong

Talked with Eclectic last night for over an hour. General chit chat, but really fun. Our life stories were eerily similar, lol! First marriage length, length of single life before second marriage, and our second marriages lasted almost the same length of time. Similar in the way we grew up (10 miles from each other), and how we were growing up. It was kind of wild talking about our histories, it was like talking to a female version of myself.

This one is going to be interesting.


----------



## whitehawk

You know how a lot of people seem to somehow go back and find one of their high school or pre' marriage gf or bf . After divorce .
lf Mal didn't go anywhere there's one from when l was 17 . My whole life l've wondered what become of her , weird.

Can't for the life of me remember her exact surname though or of anyone else that knew her. l only knew her very briefly . Funny how certain people stay with you.

Must be something like why so many seem to go back in time chasing someone after all this.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I got a lot of matches on Tindr and two guys asked me out for tomorrow night. Lol. One of them that asked me out has a picture of him with a woman. ? I am going to tell him if he's looking for a threesome to keep looking. (I am not into partnered men).

One guy kept asking me how tall I was (weird!) and said he liked that height--and then told me he was just going to come out and say how attracted he was to me and that he was very drunk, to call him. Um, no. 

That one pic of the guy with the Hooters girl sitting on his lap wasn't even the worst. I found another one with a guy with three Hooters girls! And the one that takes the cake was this old hick-looking man standing with a young naked woman! He put smiley faces over her nipples and pubic area. How freaking disgusting are some people? Does he actually get matches? And Tindr pulls pics from your Facebook so I imagine that is his profile picture. How vile. Of course I had to screenshot it and send it all my friends for a laugh.

Another guy asked if I was Latina and after I said I was he kept saying Mami to me in every sentence. Um, simmer down with the "Mami." One guy was a doctor, another one was only 23 (his profile said 44!) and one said he only wanted to hook up and I told him "Well I'm not exactly looking to get married." But I am going to unmatch him because honestly I am not interested (and I was joking about eluding to wanting sex with him). To be honest with you, I had like 15-20 chats going and it was hard to keep up with all of them. Very distracting!

Whitehawk: have you looked her up on Facebook?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jelly, that app is for booty calls. Not sure if that's been mentioned here or not.


----------



## whitehawk

Oh God , sounds like a nightmare to me jb .

Although l thought of Tinder awhile back, wouldn't be as bad for a guy but l don't do the Face Book thing. l do have one but it's all closed up. l just use it to go in and find people now and then.

Trouble is JB , l can't remember her surname . l only knew that crowd for a really short time . Still remember her though .


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Jelly, that app is for booty calls. Not sure if that's been mentioned here or not.



oops :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Well one guy had on his profile: I am NOT looking to hook up Only dating and getting to meet you, etc.

So I don't think everyone uses it for hook ups but that one guy clearly did. "You looking to hook up?"

Which I jokingly said "Well I'm not looking to get married."

LOL. 

White, do you know any of her friends? Maybe you could find them online or talk to someone who may know her/be in contact with her. And yes, it's common for old loves to reunite later in love after some marriages, battles, etc.


----------



## Ikaika

JB, I keep saying save your money and come visit, e komo mai, the islands. We have very handsome, Polynesian, men who are sane. And, as you know some of them are my relatives so introductions will be easy and they know they better behave otherwise they will get two good "cracks" in the back of their head.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> JB, I keep saying save your money and come visit, e komo mai, the islands. We have very handsome, Polynesian, men* who are sane.*


:rofl: 

Plus, your nephew is hot! And you're already my Uncle so it's a win-win!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Well one guy had on his profile: I am NOT looking to hook up Only dating and getting to meet you, etc.
> 
> So I don't think everyone uses it for hook ups but that one guy clearly did. "You looking to hook up?"
> 
> Which I jokingly said "Well I'm not looking to get married."
> 
> LOL.
> 
> White, do you know any of her friends? Maybe you could find them online or talk to someone who may know her/be in contact with her. And yes, it's common for old loves to reunite later in love after some marriages, battles, etc.


Well , l remember them all but only first names though. Can't think of one full name that even knew that crowd. None of my friends cept one , hung out with them , he wouldn't know though .
l was thinking of looking up some stuff going on in that area these days. Never know she or one of the others that knew her might show up in it.


----------



## movealong

wh, what about an old yearbook? Or google images of your high school and class year?

eta: online yearbooks for US

I just found my Senior Year Annual/Yearbook. I will have to see if I have it at home. If not, I may order a copy.


----------



## whitehawk

My little fox terrier got chomped by this monster Rottweiler thing. Been on the cards for a long time , he forgets he's a midget.

This thing saw him, just strutted up and pounced on him . Next minute he had his mouth and teeth over my dogs whole body and pinned to the ground . Fkg things head was about as big as my whole dog.
l kicked it in the guts - third shot , prayin it didn't turn on me , then the owner came racing over and dragged it off.
Poor little blokes not too good . couple of nasty fang punctures on either side.


----------



## Jellybeans

Omg that is awful, Whitehawk.  So sorry to hear that.


----------



## movealong

Jeeze! That is horrible, wh! Hope that he's alright.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> wh, what about an old yearbook? Or google images of your high school and class year?
> 
> eta: online yearbooks for US
> 
> I just found my Senior Year Annual/Yearbook. I will have to see if I have it at home. If not, I may order a copy.


Gee move, that's not a bad idea , thanks. l could probably find her class for that exact yr , hmmm :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks for that guys. Spose only time will tell . Nothing the vet can do except gave me stuff to put on the wounds. Poor little man looks like a football now , swelling .

Hopefully he can rest it of over a few wks and come good.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> You know how a lot of people seem to somehow go back and find one of their high school or pre' marriage gf or bf . After divorce .
> lf Mal didn't go anywhere there's one from when l was 17 . My whole life l've wondered what become of her , weird.
> 
> Can't for the life of me remember her exact surname though or of anyone else that knew her. l only knew her very briefly . Funny how certain people stay with you.
> 
> Must be something like why so many seem to go back in time chasing someone after all this.


I did this WHitehawk

He is not my high school sweetheart, he was my Army sweetheart. The first man I ever loved. 
Last year, after my separation I contacted him. We began a very intense (naked pics and all) emotional affair. It lasted about five months, and I scared him off.

He lives on the east coast, I still think of him often. I know he will not contact me again. It sucks, but it is better to know than wonder.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> Jelly, that app is for booty calls. Not sure if that's been mentioned here or not.


Tinder is gaining a lot of notoriety. I believe it will shift from a hook up site reputation to a date site reputation. However, as with all online dating apps, it is about what the individual makes of it. I am sure many use it as a hook up site, but I am still a romantic a heart and believe that even TInder can blossom a true love connection


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> *You know how a lot of people seem to somehow go back and find one of their high school or pre' marriage gf or bf . *After divorce .
> lf Mal didn't go anywhere there's one from when l was 17 . My whole life l've wondered what become of her , weird.
> 
> Can't for the life of me remember her exact surname though or of anyone else that knew her. l only knew her very briefly . Funny how certain people stay with you.
> 
> Must be something like why so many seem to go back in time chasing someone after all this.


Yes. And I got completely fvcked over.


----------



## ne9907

Miss Moxy:

Did you have the talk?
If so, could you share?


----------



## Jellybeans

Was randomly shopping online and look what I found:










Hahahahaha.

So me.



3Xnocharm said:


> Yes. And I got completely fvcked over.


You married your high school sweetheart?



whitehawk said:


> Thanks for that guys. Spose only time will tell . Nothing the vet can do except gave me stuff to put on the wounds. Poor little man looks like a football now , swelling .


Awww. I really hope he's ok, White. Sending hugs your way.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Was randomly shopping online and look what I found:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hahahahaha.
> 
> So me.
> 
> You married your high school sweetheart?
> 
> Awww. I really hope he's ok, White. Sending hugs your way.


JB, that is TOO funny!

My XH was my first love ever. I had loved him pretty much my whole life, and actually marrying him was like a fairy tale for me. I should have known, good sh!t doesnt happen to me.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I should have known, good sh!t doesnt happen to me.


awww, repeat after me..... I DESERVE GOOD THINGS, I DESERVE TO BE LOVED!


----------



## ne9907

I am thinking a lot about something blue eyes said to me because it impacts the way I view the world. I will not delude myself thinking he knows me because he does not. However, he said this to me the other day

"You need to stop being cynical and enjoy what is right in front of you"

THis happened when he was sitting on the couch, eating cereal, and I just wanted to head to bed. I did said cereal wasnt a food.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok... to the guy who asked me out who is cute and had a woman in one of his pics (not the main one), I messaged him saying that if he was into a threesome-esque thing that it wasn't really what I am into. Lol.

It's so funny when you don't know someone so you have no filter.

...

Ok. And he just responded back "Damn. Can't blame me for trying." Then he said he just liked that pic and that it's just a friend who is married with kids.

Huh?


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ok... to the guy who asked me out who is cute and had a woman in one of his pics (not the main one), I messaged him saying that if he was into a threesome-esque thing that it wasn't really what I am into. Lol.
> 
> It's so funny when you don't know someone so you have no filter.
> 
> ...
> 
> Ok. And he just responded back "Damn. Can't blame me for trying." Then he said he just liked that pic and that it's just a friend who is married with kids.
> 
> Huh?


He was trying to be funny! Go out with him and see what he is about!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok. I couldn't read that/understand what he said.

LOL


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Btw Arendt,
> We, the women of TAM, like scholars


Oh Yeah? Well let me combine musing about the male penis with my scholarlyness then, in an attempt to find Jesus's penis, a footnote in my dissertation (sans references): 

-----

Isn’t it odd that, despite the focus on Jesus’s masculinity, the typical cross in a Catholic church or Catholic university classroom depicts the male Jesus hanging on the cross with his male genitals covered by a cloth? Even the most “realistic” depictions, where every detail down to the beads of blood forming on his forehead has been exquisitely carved and painted nearly always cover up the male genitals: there is no circumcised penis. To depict such a thing would be considered pornographic. In Christian history, there have been instances when an artist depicted Jesus as naked only to have the work rejected or covered up. Michelangelo’s Risen Christ statue (1514–20) depicts Christ in superb detail, complete with his male parts exposed and unashamed. The original statue at Santa Maria sopra Minerva, however, was quickly covered up and to this day has a cloth tied around Jesus’s male parts so as to conceal them. Copies of Michelangelo’s nude Christ usually depict a cloth around his waist. In the sixteenth century, Johannes Molanus stated the common opinion well: “Christ was crucified naked, but I think it is pious to believe that his shameful organs were [then] veiled for decency.” The underlying fear seems to have been that the naked Christ would affect the viewer in a way that could lead to erotic desire, an affect not unheard of in Christian history. While the male adult Jesus has had his male parts covered in art, the infant Jesus, since the 1400s, has often been depicted as entirely nude. There is less threat to depicting an infant nude than an adult male would seem to be the underlying logic. Yet even while masking Jesus’s maleness—one without sexual desire at all—that same particularity has carried an odd theological weight in marginalizing women from ecclesial roles: Jesus was male so therefore priests must be male. It would seem that Jesus’s masculinity has had to be rendered malleable for official church purposes.

----

There you have it: the scholarly pursuit for the historical Jesus's d!ck. Yeah we scholars are kind of strange people are we not? 

So a scholar would send you a picture of Jesus's penis, not his own...


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> JB, that is TOO funny!
> 
> My XH was my first love ever. I had loved him pretty much my whole life, and actually marrying him was like a fairy tale for me. I should have known, good sh!t doesnt happen to me.


Ah, I see. But change your attitude, my dear. Repeat: _Good things WILL happen to me._

:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Tinder is gaining a lot of notoriety. I believe it will shift from a hook up site reputation to a date site reputation. However, as with all online dating apps, it is about what the individual makes of it. I am sure many use it as a hook up site, but I am still a romantic a heart and believe that even TInder can blossom a true love connection


Yeah, I know it has the "hook up site" reputation, but I keep coming across profiles where the guys says specifically they're NOT looking for a hook-up. So I added that to my profile, saying that I was looking for casual/short-term dating, and NOT a hook-up. I'm hoping that putting that out there will keep away the riff-raff.

I just got back on Tinder yesterday, after ditching it several months ago, when I was stood up by two different Tinder dates, on two consecutive days. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, though. I have a couple guys who are just chatting with me, and we'll see if those ever amount to anything... and then there's another guy, who was a "match" and just pinged me at 6 am to see if I wanted to get a drink later today, without any previous conversation or anything.

But EVERY. SINGLE. GUY. I swipe right is a match. Either these guys are just playing the numbers game, or my profile is more appealing than I thought? No idea. So many matches, but then almost no one actually reaches out with a message.

And it figures that my calendar is super booked this week and next. Except for tonight, when that guy wants to go for a drink. I teased him about it being too early for a drink, and tried to get him to tell me a little more, to engage in convo, because I feel weird about meeting up with somebody that I haven't chatted with online at least a little bit. I'd rather meet up with one of the guys I've actually been TALKING to. Am I being too precious about this? 

I value my time, and don't want to waste my time with someone who has no interest in me as a person. Even if this is just a hook-up site, and even if I'm only looking for a hook-up, I still have intrinsic value as a human being. I'm not a sperm receptacle. I think I'm going to say no.

Who I _really_ want to get together with this Coast Guard guy who rides a motorcycle and has all kinds of tattoos. We've been chatting quite a bit.


----------



## Jellybeans

Honestly, I wouldn't want to talk about some guy's d!ck or Jesus's genitals before a date or get d!ck pics from a guy I don't even know. Turn off.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> But EVERY. SINGLE. GUY. I swipe right is a match. Either these guys are just playing the numbers game, or my profile is more appealing than I thought? No idea. So many matches, but then almost no one actually reaches out with a message.


Yeah I wonder that, too. It only matches when you both say "yes" right? I have had a lot of matches, too. That sucks you got bailed on a few times. Hate when people do that.



FeministInPink said:


> And it figures that my calendar is super booked this week and next. Except for tonight, when that guy wants to go for a drink. I teased him about it being too early for a drink, and tried to get him to tell me a little more, to engage in convo, because I feel weird about meeting up with somebody that I haven't chatted with online at least a little bit. I'd rather meet up with one of the guys I've actually been TALKING to. Am I being too precious about this?
> 
> I value my time, and don't want to waste my time with someone who has no interest in me as a person.


So tell him you don't want to meet for a drink before chatting more. Or you could always "unmatch" yourself. And I agree it's weird some dude who has had no contact with you is all "Hey let's get a drink later." 

You know who you should get a drink with one day? Me! Hehe. We're close and I'm awesome. Do you work on the Hill? I can't remember. I wonder if you know the original Grandpa... Small world and all that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I wonder that, too. *It only matches when you both say "yes" right?* I have had a lot of matches, too. That sucks you got bailed on a few times. Hate when people do that.


That's right. I'm beginning to wonder if Tinder front-loads with people who've already swiped right on your profile. But I also hear there are a TON more guys on Tinder than women, so it would make sense that I'm getting a lot of matches, since the odds are stacked in my favor.

Although the joke's on the bailers, though. The one guy, with whom I thought I had REALLY hit it off, I had already decided (before meeting him) that he was a fvck yes, unless he did something to mess it up (like not show up). He could have gotten laid. Instead, he didn't. (I can only assume.)



Jellybeans said:


> *So tell him you don't want to meet for a drink before chatting more.* Or you could always "unmatch" yourself. And I agree it's weird some dude who has had no contact with you is all "Hey let's get a drink later."


Brilliant, and done! I shouldn't do anything that makes me uncomfortable. And he hasn't really given me a good reason to meet him in person.



Jellybeans said:


> You know who you should get a drink with one day? Me! Hehe. We're close and I'm awesome. Do you work on the Hill? I can't remember. I wonder if you know the original Grandpa... Small world and all that.


Yes, we should!!! I live on the Hill, but I work in Dupont. And I go to VA for socializing on a regular basis. Have car, will drive. I'll PM you.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I wonder that, too. It only matches when you both say "yes" right? I have had a lot of matches, too. That sucks you got bailed on a few times. Hate when people do that.
> .


I had a lot of matches when I was on Tinder, a **** load. It is a great boost for our confidence.
The problem is, not very many conversations and because it is Tinder, I do not filter. 
I might rejoin again, ah good times Tinder...
I am just afraid people at work will recognize me, everyone here uses Tinder!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Although the joke's on the bailers, though. The one guy, with whom I thought I had REALLY hit it off,* I had already decided (before meeting him) that he was a fvck yes,* unless he did something to mess it up (like not show up). *He could have gotten laid. * Instead, he didn't.


:rofl: Omg he IS an idiot! :rofl:

FCK yes is the total thing to live by, I swear!



FeministInPink said:


> Brilliant, and done! I shouldn't do anything that makes me uncomfortable.


Exactamundo!



FeministInPink said:


> Yes, we should!!!


Yaaaay!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am just afraid people at work will recognize me, everyone here uses Tinder!


Ya never know. Your true love could be a colleague. Lol.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ya never know. Your true love could be a colleague. Lol.


haha nope
Half of them are like 25 year old, 1/3 is married, and the rest are divorced men who hate their bipolar crazy ex wives!!

Plus, no one here is remotely attractive... I have weird attraction rules.


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> Honestly, I wouldn't want to talk about some guy's d!ck or Jesus's genitals before a date or get d!ck pics from a guy I don't even know. Turn off.


Well my post was a joke of sorts. Men who send off pictures of their ****s are perpetually living in teenage land in my opinion. 

Though the actual discussion I was pointing to and using as a bizarre joke in this thread is a religious one in which some people use maleness (of Jesus) in a way to marginalize women from roles of power while at the same time eschewing the most visible sign of that maleness. I just put it in the most shocking terms. I would not do that with a stranger unless I wanted to offend them (and I would only want to offend them if I found them abrasive on issues like these).

The whole online dating thing looks very unappealing to me after reading this thread.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> The whole online dating thing looks very unappealing to me after reading this thread.


You will get bored of online dating, I get bored of dating!!!

Dating is so exhausting, OMG!
Would somoene just FedEx the perfect man to me? THank you very much!


----------



## FeministInPink

And... just came across a PhD student (who just graduated in May) on Tinder. 

I work in administration, so he's not MY student, but he's a student nonetheless... he's hot, but that would be totally weird, so I am swiping left. Luckily, I don't think that he knows me.

Now, there is another PhD student that I am really into, and if I came across him on Tinder, I don't know what I would do...


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> And... just came across a PhD student (who just graduated in May) on Tinder.
> 
> I work in administration, so he's not MY student, but he's a student nonetheless... he's hot, but that would be totally weird, so I am swiping left. Luckily, I don't think that he knows me.
> 
> Now, there is another PhD student that I am really into, and if I came across him on Tinder, I don't know what I would do...


First thing you want to do is look at the handbook for the university. I know where I work, even tenure does not protect one against rules written in these hallowed documents.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Now, there is another PhD student that I am really into, and if I came across him on Tinder, I don't know what I would do...


Hehehe. Bad teacher!


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> You will get bored of online dating, I get bored of dating!!!
> 
> Dating is so exhausting, OMG!
> Would somoene just FedEx the perfect man to me? THank you very much!


You can mail order him in fact: http://www.amazon.com/Mattel-Mr-Wonderful-Talking-Doll/dp/B0000DIC71


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> And... just came across a PhD student (who just graduated in May) on Tinder.
> 
> I work in administration, so he's not MY student, but he's a student nonetheless... he's hot, but that would be totally weird, so I am swiping left. Luckily, I don't think that he knows me.
> 
> Now, there is another PhD student that I am really into, and if I came across him on Tinder, I don't know what I would do...


If you are not teaching him I don't see a problem with it. You are in administration; totally different power dynamic than if you were giving him grades. 

Hell, I would go out with an administrator at my university, no problem with that at all.


----------



## Arendt

However, second thought...my department has a high divorce rate. Five of us in the past 5 years. Not sure what that is all about, but I know the program wreaked havoc on my marriage. I published like crazy (I've got like 7-8 peer-reviewed articles, and have published 6 books and am a general editor of a series with a press...I'm gold my profs tell me). So if I were in administration, I would think long and hard before getting involved with a person in a PhD program. EAch person is different, but some of us work way too hard.


----------



## FeministInPink

I'm in administration, i.e. I'm not a professor. There's no conflict of interest based on my administrative role (and anyway, I'm well known for being super-ethical and always recusing myself in instances of conflicted interest). There's no policy expressly forbidding fraternization, and I know of an admin in recent years who was dating a student, and they married after she graduated.


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I'm in administration, i.e. I'm not a professor. There's no conflict of interest based on my administrative role (and anyway, I'm well known for being super-ethical and always recusing myself in instances of conflicted interest). There's no policy expressly forbidding fraternization, and I know of an admin in recent years who was dating a student, and they married after she graduated.


Go for it


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> However, second thought...my department has a high divorce rate. Five of us in the past 5 years. Not sure what that is all about, but I know the program wreaked havoc on my marriage. I published like crazy (I've got like 7-8 peer-reviewed articles, and have published 6 books and am a general editor of a series with a press...I'm gold my profs tell me). So if I were in administration, I would think long and hard before getting involved with a person in a PhD program. EAch person is different, but some of us work way too hard.


He's defending his dissertation in the next couple weeks, last time I heard, so he's almost finished. No worries there.

The bummer is that I never see him on campus anymore, and I'd prefer to strike up a convo and ask him out in person, rather than via email.


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> He's defending his dissertation in the next couple weeks, last time I heard, so he's almost finished. No worries there.
> 
> The bummer is that I never see him on campus anymore, and I'd prefer to strike up a convo and ask him out in person, rather than via email.


So go listen to his defense... he is writing, in my experience the distraction of the campus are the last thing you need when writing. However, the other side might also be that he has already accepted an appointment somewhere (post-doc or otherwise) and will fly in to defend. 

So go listen to his defense, find out the scoop.


----------



## moxy

Feminist, ask him out for a drink after his defense when he is relaxed and not stressing out about it. You'll both enjoy it better.


----------



## FeministInPink

drerio said:


> So go listen to his defense... he is writing, in my experience the distraction of the campus are the last thing you need when writing. However, the other side might also be that he has already accepted an appointment somewhere (post-doc or otherwise) and will fly in to defend.
> 
> So go listen to his defense, find out the scoop.


I think he's staying in DC, since it's a "practical" PhD. Our PhD's don't normally go into academia, at least not right away.

I don't know when exactly he's defending. I'll have to look into it.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Feminist, ask him out for a drink after his defense when he is relaxed and not stressing out about it. You'll both enjoy it better.


Brilliant idea!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I'm in administration, i.e. I'm not a professor. There's no conflict of interest based on my administrative role (and anyway, I'm well known for being super-ethical and always recusing myself in instances of conflicted interest). There's no policy expressly forbidding fraternization, and I know of an admin in recent years who was dating a student, and they married after she graduated.


Awww man 
Well there goes the picture in my mind:










lol


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> Feminist, ask him out for a drink after his defense when he is relaxed and not stressing out about it. You'll both enjoy it better.


This is excellent, he will be in the mood to celebrate big time. Good Call Moxy.


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I think he's staying in DC, since it's a "practical" PhD. Our PhD's don't normally go into academia, at least not right away.
> 
> I don't know when exactly he's defending. I'll have to look into it.


Those types of things are normally published on program or college level academic calendars.


----------



## FeministInPink

drerio said:


> Those types of things are normally published on program or college level academic calendars.


I'm not sure if they are here, or not. I will have to check.


----------



## Ikaika

So much to do before we take a short vacation to Kauai (visit relatives). Work is easier.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

drerio said:


> So much to do before we take a short vacation to Kauai (visit relatives). Work is easier.


Yes, it is.


----------



## moxy

drerio said:


> This is excellent, he will be in the mood to celebrate big time. Good Call Moxy.



My own defense wasn't too long ago. Before it, I had a million isolating things about it on my mind and was not entertaining distractions. (Also, I was going through D with my exh at the time.) After the defense, I was the most celebratory and relaxed and open to something other than academic solitude that I'd been since starting the diss. I turned down many social invitations leading up to it, but right after the diss and before filing it is a good time to propose a social thing if you're wondering how receptive doctoral candidates are during that finishing grad school timeline.

--

So, Guy and I are on the outs again. Not sure if it's temporary or for realsies, but I'm blue. And, I'm totally feeling turned off by online dating and flirting and just romance in general right now. Alas, why can't I also be turned off by the idea of sex?  Grading papers will surely kill that mood, soon enough.


----------



## Arendt

Yeah I defend in a couple months. I am moving to Milwaukee where my university is (I commuted for course work for three hours each way because my ex didn't want to leave her job; I like city life and wanted to move long ago [and she grew up in Harlem for crying out loud! the place where I am now is hickville in my view...I grew up in Chicago and lived many years in New York City). So I have no time for distractions. I am finishing my editsand rewrites and all that; trying to get established in a new place; looking for a job in a few months once the season really kicks in, etc. 

So I agree...he won't be receptive to anything at the moment. But after the defense he would be most likely. The other thing is that a lot of people I know celebrate with family and/or their dissertation committee members after the defense so the day of the defense will not likely work. 

Go to the defense, congratulate him afterwards and invite him for a day or two later after he's celebrated with any family who come up for it and his professors. He'll feel like a million bucks getting asked after he defends. Seriously. That was a brilliant idea.


----------



## Ikaika

Arendt said:


> Yeah I defend in a couple months. I am moving to Milwaukee where my university is (I commuted for course work for three hours each way because my ex didn't want to leave her job; I like city life and wanted to move long ago [and she grew up in Harlem for crying out loud! the place where I am now is hickville in my view...I grew up in Chicago and lived many years in New York City). So I have no time for distractions. I am finishing my editsand rewrites and all that; trying to get established in a new place; looking for a job in a few months once the season really kicks in, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> So I agree...he won't be receptive to anything at the moment. But after the defense he would be most likely. The other thing is that a lot of people I know celebrate with family and/or their dissertation committee members after the defense so the day of the defense will not likely work.
> 
> 
> 
> Go to the defense, congratulate him afterwards and invite him for a day or two later after he's celebrated with any family who come up for it and his professors. He'll feel like a million bucks getting asked after he defends. Seriously. That was a brilliant idea.



Congratulations.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Yeah I defend in a couple months. I am moving to Milwaukee where my university is (I commuted for course work for three hours each way because my ex didn't want to leave her job; I like city life and wanted to move long ago [and she grew up in Harlem for crying out loud! the place where I am now is hickville in my view...I grew up in Chicago and lived many years in New York City). So I have no time for distractions. I am finishing my editsand rewrites and all that; trying to get established in a new place; looking for a job in a few months once the season really kicks in, etc.
> 
> So I agree...he won't be receptive to anything at the moment. But after the defense he would be most likely. The other thing is that a lot of people I know celebrate with family and/or their dissertation committee members after the defense so the day of the defense will not likely work.
> 
> Go to the defense, congratulate him afterwards and invite him for a day or two later after he's celebrated with any family who come up for it and his professors. He'll feel like a million bucks getting asked after he defends. Seriously. That was a brilliant idea.


I won't say congratulations yet, but good job on all the hard work you've done and managing to do so while going through all the difficult personal stuff.

And thanks for the insider intell, that's super helpful.  I never would have known, of not for yours - any moxy's - input.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I did this WHitehawk
> 
> He is not my high school sweetheart, he was my Army sweetheart. The first man I ever loved.
> Last year, after my separation I contacted him. We began a very intense (naked pics and all) emotional affair. It lasted about five months, and I scared him off.
> 
> He lives on the east coast, I still think of him often. I know he will not contact me again. It sucks, but it is better to know than wonder.


l spose then at least you got to work it through finally rather than wonder for ever hey.
Her crowd were at a different school but l think l could find something. She had a bf at the time so nothing ever happened .
Weird , l've wondered about her all this time .


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes. And I got completely fvcked over.



Oh no . Ahh , she's probably happily married and got 15 kids anyway


----------



## whitehawk

And built like a whale


----------



## RandomDude

Tempted to swing by and have a look at eye candy again, man she's invading my thoughts. Haven't been initiating anything with FWB lately, just mucking around here and there, keeping her happy... while thinking of someone else.

Bah! For the last almost two years now most of the women I've met either want to fk me silly or rob me silly. Although I have now capitalised on the former while avoiding the latter why do I still have the delusion of hope that I may find something better?

Oh that's right, pretty fluttering eyelashes... stirs up foolish thoughts and questions such as "what if", false promises only destined to lead me or others to a broken heart.

Oh FK it, I'm just going to ask her out and be done with it, sooner I get it out of my system the sooner I can go back to my FWB lifestyle! I hope she rejects me straight off the bat so my mind isn't plagued so much by indecision and I won't have to risk losing my FWB.


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Tempted to swing by and have a look at eye candy again, man she's invading my thoughts. Haven't been initiating anything with FWB lately, just mucking around here and there, keeping her happy... while thinking of someone else.
> 
> Bah! For the last almost two years now most of the women I've met either want to fk me silly or rob me silly. Although I have now capitalised on the former while avoiding the latter why do I still have the delusion of hope that I may find something better?
> 
> Oh that's right, pretty fluttering eyelashes... stirs up foolish thoughts and questions such as "what if", false promises only destined to lead me or others to a broken heart.
> 
> Oh FK it, I'm just going to ask her out and be done with it, sooner I get it out of my system the sooner I can go back to my FWB lifestyle! I hope she rejects me straight off the bat so my mind isn't plagued so much by indecision and I won't have to risk losing my FWB.


Good for you RD asking her out... im glad you are stepping outside the comfort zone of fbw....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Oh no no - I'm only doing this so I can get it out my system and convince myself to stick to FWB after this inevitably fails 

Best scenario is if she says no straight off the bat then I won't have to waste time/money on taking her out as well as having to explain to FWB what I'm going to do!


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> Another guy asked if I was Latina and after I said I was he kept saying Mami to me in every sentence.


I.e. "I am a white American male who has never bothered to learn another language, but I know a few words that relate to making sure you, as an exotic woman in my eyes, are subjugated to me. So let's try that out."

You could have taught him a few more. Pendejo comes to mind.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> I.e. "I am a white American male who has never bothered to learn another language, but I know a few words that relate to making sure you, as an exotic woman in my eyes, are subjugated to me. So let's try that out."
> 
> You could have taught him a few more. Pendejo comes to mind.


You are so fvcking right!
It greatly annoys me "white males" tell I am exotic!!
I always think... b!tch please, just head to Mexico and you will find exactly how "exotic" I am....

Pinches putos..


----------



## RandomDude

Lol!

Asian women get it worse apparently, there was even a website called "creepy white guys" a while ago.


----------



## Ikaika

RandomDude said:


> Lol!
> 
> Asian women get it worse apparently, there was even a website called "creepy white guys" a while ago.


Where I live, the typical local girl 

Wife looks very much like one of them back in her prime 

Models of Hawaii - Bikini and Beach Edition - YouTube


----------



## RandomDude

Women are docile and submissive in Hawaii? =O

lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Lol!
> 
> Asian women get it worse apparently, there was even a website called "creepy white guys" a while ago.


Eesh, that makes me want to vomit!


----------



## RandomDude

Lol I find them hilarious, check these ones out:


























Dunno why the site isn't working no more really, its legacy remains and there's still images / articles floating around. Great examples of how not to approach women of other ethnicities!


----------



## moxy

I am dark-haired, tan-skinned, and ethnically ambiguous. So, I get allll kinds of fetish-rooted pick-up lines. I get called Mami more often than I can count. I often look like someone's [insert ethnic background here] ex or other. Lots of halfies wanna connect with me if they think I'm connected to whatever is their non-white half and will ask me if I am that. I don't mind. It's kind of amusing to be fetishized. Sometimes, it's also incredibly annoying. People want the answer to "what are you?" or they say I've never dated a [ethnicity goes here] girl and always wanted to. I'm either not ethnic enough or too ethnic most of the time. It makes me laugh to see the kinds of assumptions people make. I've been to a lot of places and I'm from a lot of places; so many haven't. I have my preferences when it comes to looks, too, but I don't objectify people based on skin color or ask them about it in foolish ways.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Lol!
> 
> Asian women get it worse apparently, there was even a website called "creepy white guys" a while ago.


Oh I love dating sites with guys like these floating around. They make it too easy to find dates by just being normal and having halfway decent people skills.:smthumbup:

It's like all you have to do is say "This is me.... I have a job, a pet, several hobbies, and I'm not looking to impress anybody.... I would like to find someone on here, but not if that means sleeping around". Boom! Tons of messages from women sick of getting creeped on by losers and perverts. And not one racist or sexist remark. 

I wish I was exaggerating too, but all my experiences were just about that easy. Just with a little more work on the "about me" and key phrasing.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I am dark-haired, tan-skinned, and ethnically ambiguous. So, I get allll kinds of fetish-rooted pick-up lines. I get called Mami more often than I can count. I often look like someone's [insert ethnic background here] ex or other. Lots of halfies wanna connect with me if they think I'm connected to whatever is their non-white half and will ask me if I am that. I don't mind. It's kind of amusing to be fetishized. Sometimes, it's also incredibly annoying. People want the answer to "what are you?" or they say I've never dated a [ethnicity goes here] girl and always wanted to. I'm either not ethnic enough or too ethnic most of the time. It makes me laugh to see the kinds of assumptions people make. I've been to a lot of places and I'm from a lot of places; so many haven't. I have my preferences when it comes to looks, too, but I don't objectify people based on skin color or ask them about it in foolish ways.


Hehe... can't resist! What ARE you? 

I always found it amusing however, the fixation on race and what not. Who cares? I ram whomever strikes me fancy!









Tis good to be colorblind!



Nsweet said:


> Oh I love dating sites with guys like these floating around. They make it too easy to find dates by just being normal and having halfway decent people skills.:smthumbup:
> 
> It's like all you have to do is say "This is me.... I have a job, a pet, several hobbies, and I'm not looking to impress anybody.... I would like to find someone on here, but not if that means sleeping around". Boom! Tons of messages from women sick of getting creeped on by losers and perverts. And not one racist or sexist remark.
> 
> I wish I was exaggerating too, but all my experiences were just about that easy. Just with a little more work on the "about me" and key phrasing.


Haha only problem is that they recieve 100 of such emails and you'd be lucky if they even bother to read your needle in the haystack to distinguish it as a standout


----------



## Nsweet

Hey I found V2 of the Creepy White Men site.

Creepy White Guys Vol. 2


----------



## RandomDude

Lol there's a V2? I wonder what happened to V1 but anyway...










:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Tempted to swing by and have a look at eye candy again, man she's invading my thoughts. Haven't been initiating anything with FWB lately, just mucking around here and there, keeping her happy... while thinking of someone else.
> 
> Bah! For the last almost two years now most of the women I've met either want to fk me silly or rob me silly. Although I have now capitalised on the former while avoiding the latter why do I still have the delusion of hope that I may find something better?
> 
> Oh that's right, pretty fluttering eyelashes... stirs up foolish thoughts and questions such as "what if", false promises only destined to lead me or others to a broken heart.
> 
> Oh FK it, I'm just going to ask her out and be done with it, sooner I get it out of my system the sooner I can go back to my FWB lifestyle! I hope she rejects me straight off the bat so my mind isn't plagued so much by indecision and I won't have to risk losing my FWB.




 Didn't l say the butterflies will take care of it themselves . Nothing over powers the harmless little butterfly .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Didn't l say the butterflies will take care of it themselves . Nothing over powers the harmless little butterfly .


There's only one way to over power it - let it win, the more I fight it the more nuts it makes me!

It wants me to take a shot at this lovely young lady so FINE, I'll take a shot hoping I crash and burn so I can continue my FWB lifestyle! If she gives me her number though...

... then well, I'm fked


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Tis good to be colorblind!


Race matters. Its a white privilege to be colorblind, after all, as bell hooks or somebody said, to be American is assumed to be white; everybody else has to hyphenate.

I was in an interracial marriage and relationship for 14 years and I definitely could not be colorblind. The history of race in the US necessitates that. I am pretty certain that most people of color will not appreciate it if a person says, "I don't even notice you are such and such color" or some such statement. 

You might fVck whoever you want but if you get past that, race and culture will be a complication to navigate respectfully and learn about.


----------



## whitehawk

l get 5 or 6 Asian chicks a wk contacting me . l know what your gonna say 
My new one is actually 1/2 Asian decent but she's never even been to anywhere Asia .


----------



## RandomDude

Errr... I'm not white 

I have to admit though, I wasn't always colorblind, since seperating from an interracial marriage however and going back to single life I seemed to have stopped giving a sh-t. 

But that's probably because no one gives a sh-t who I'm fking as long as I'm not walking down the street with 'one of theirs' lol

... sh-t, now remind me why I decided I'm going to ask out this lady (she's not of my ethnic either)... oh that's right, hormones! Butterflies! Bah! Man the sh-t our hormones make us do!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> There's only one way to over power it - let it win, the more I fight it the more nuts it makes me!
> 
> It wants me to take a shot at this lovely young lady so FINE, I'll take a shot hoping I crash and burn so I can continue my FWB lifestyle! If she gives me her number though...
> 
> ... then well, I'm fked






:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Errr... I'm not white
> 
> I have to admit though, I wasn't always colorblind, since seperating from an interracial marriage however and going back to single life I seemed to have stopped giving a sh-t.
> 
> But that's probably because no one gives a sh-t who I'm fking as long as I'm not walking down the street with 'one of theirs' lol
> 
> ... sh-t, now remind me why I decided I'm going to ask out this lady (she's not of my ethnic either)... oh that's right, hormones! Butterflies! Bah! Man the sh-t our hormones make us do!




Butterflies :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Haha only problem is that they recieve 100 of such emails and you'd be lucky if they even bother to read your needle in the haystack to distinguish it as a standout


True. Very true. It's just like filling out a resume sending IMs. You have to be the first and you have to stand out. So what I did was I read the profiles of and messaged about 5-10 women a day everyday for weeks at a time. I got a surprising number of responses because I didn't use the boring introduction of "hey, I just read your profile...." BLAH! 

Instead I asked them about certain things in their profile I found peculiar, things no other guys would notice because they were too busy staring at her cleavage in the picture. I also left messages of encouragement for the ones that inappropriately put how they were sick of not finding the right guy online, I left comforting messages to a few women who were still not over their breakups (and said so in their profiles), and I cracked jokes with a few who had funny profiles. I made a lot of friends too which helped.... Networking and all. 

It's not at all hard, but like I say it's all about not sounding like you're chasing them for sex or attention. And even if all you do is leave a good impression, that's still good. So long as you can chill and not seem like a creepy d!ck then you can succeed.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Meh, online dating still isn't for me, most of them I don't find attractive (most probably due to non-photogenic) and the ones that do seem to have a stick up their ass lol

Offline I'm KING 
At least since I decided to mistake every pretty lady for someone I know  lol (don't judge! it works!  )

BTW:


> So what I did was I read the profiles of and messaged about 5-10 women a day everyday for weeks at a time.


I only messaged like 1 woman a week after browsing on online sites lol


----------



## whitehawk

My ex gf before l got married was a Croatian European mix with semi dark skin . There was no dramas in any of that but her family did live totally different to mine and what l was use to and that caused a lot of hassle for me. 

They just never really did anything , it was mostly a home life type lifestyle around the family all the time.
l got so bored with that , l'd always been active and done all sorts of stuff.
So it was hard to even get her to go camping or something .
The family always welcomed me open arms but they couldn't understand how l didn't just wanna sit around with them all the time . And her and them use to get upset about me always wanting to go away or something so she was never around on holidays or wk ends like they were all use to .

That was the biggest thing .

ps , but hey , she was unreal in bed and had a body l'll never forget !


----------



## RandomDude

In terms of culture ex and I were fine as a couple at first, parents on her side were a nightmare however - but it was mostly due to my financial status at that time rather than my race (though it was part of it), MIL must have been the very epitope of materialism-incarnate.

Still, the race crap was mostly due to the public rather than family. Still, there were those of my race who disowned me but loved my daughter (as she doesn't bear the 'sins of the father' apparently)
Bah... 'sins of the father'!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Meh, online dating still isn't for me, most of them I don't find attractive (most probably due to non-photogenic) and the ones that do seem to have a stick up their ass lol


That's why you message the ones who don't seem to know what they are doing being on a dating site. The ones who are more down to earth and not looking for someone to take care of them. It's just like meeting women at a bar. You pass up the floozies and the princesses and go talk to the regular women who are only there to have a few drinks by themeslves and pay for it themselves.


----------



## RandomDude

But what if one is a shallow prick like me? lol

I guess this is why I had no choice but to go offline, I tried meetup but still singled out the prettiest of the groups haha, yet it was during that time that I noticed pretty ladies more to my taste walking past that I should be meeting instead of the ladies in the groups who weren't really my type.

It was then I decided to relearn an old tactic before marriage and such - mistaking them for someone else, and walla! I can now be as shallow as I like and get away with it! 

Still, I'm just not a time-waster, if I don't find someone attractive then I don't want to give things a shot for the off chance that her beauty will eventually appeal to me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> That's why you message the ones who don't seem to know what they are doing being on a dating site. The ones who are more down to earth and not looking for someone to take care of them.


Ironically those are the ones I typically avoid because they're full of sh1t.


----------



## whitehawk

Not all of mine reply but most do even if it's just to say they don't think we're suited.And a lot have approached me to.
Mind you , first mth no one replied , got my ass kicked .
But you seem to find your feet after awhile.

The hardest thing though l find is just finding someone l would normally go for RL.
Combine the looks and the things in common , damn near impossible.
Or when l have they've been the ones that "aren't" interested . And sometimes at those few times to , l can tell it was one little thing , maybe something l said on my profile or tried to say in the email.
lt is all ridiculously fickle . 

Have met dozens though once l found my feet but as l say , the real deal , that's looking like another story.

Although , got hopes for my new one but eh , way too early to think like that really.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> But what if one is a shallow prick like me?


You're actually not a shallow prick at heart, you're just very insecure.

Nothing wrong with being insecure when you can admit it, plenty wrong with demeaning yourself (in addition to laughing about it) to cover it up.


----------



## RandomDude

Things are so much simpler with FWB, I just hope I get shot down this afternoon so I don't have to bother dating my crush + having to tell FWB that I'm dating too.

Just need to get it out of my system, besides haven't been myself with FWB lately - she's not getting sex willingly from me which kinda defeats the whole purpose of her coming over doesn't it? Bah!

Stupid crush, fking butterflies, robbing me of my desire for FWB, the dating itch... just need to scratch it.



06Daddio08 said:


> You're actually not a shallow prick at heart, you're just very insecure.
> 
> Nothing wrong with being insecure when you can admit it, plenty wrong with demeaning yourself (in addition to laughing about it) to cover it up.


Yes because not taking myself seriously means that I'm insecure!

Wow!


----------



## whitehawk

Nsweet said:


> That's why you message the ones who don't seem to know what they are doing being on a dating site. The ones who are more down to earth and not looking for someone to take care of them. It's just like meeting women at a bar. You pass up the floozies and the princesses and go talk to the regular women who are only there to have a few drinks by themeslves and pay for it themselves.



Yep spot on ns. Maybe why most of mine respond or even wanna meet.
That's exactly what l go for , someone fumbling around just like me. l usually find they are just genuine chicks trying to make a new start . Nearly all of mine have been really decnt girls , that hasn't been an issue . It's just the finding the someone suitable thing.

lt's those big fancy perfectly worded profiles, everything in it's place , l've found they're usually the necrotic experts at being single and on date sites - run :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Things are so much simpler with FWB, I just hope I get shot down this afternoon so I don't have to bother dating my crush + having to tell FWB that I'm dating too.
> 
> Just need to get it out of my system, besides haven't been myself with FWB lately - she's not getting sex willingly from me which kinda defeats the whole purpose of her coming over doesn't it? Bah!
> 
> Stupid crush, fking butterflies, robbing me of my desire for FWB, the dating itch... just need to scratch it.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes because not taking myself seriously means that I'm insecure!
> 
> Wow!



The FWB thing never lasts , you both start to feel revolted living like that in the end .


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! The last decent one I found ran when she finally decided that she doesn't wish to get involved with a man still awaiting divorce.

I doubt this story will end differently, nor am I going to damage my relations with ex by forcing the issue, putting her through court possibly severing our co-parenting arrangements making it difficult for our daughter.

This has no happy ending whitehawk, but the butterflies, they always promise me more, always tell me BS, makes me question the "what ifs"

*sigh* Oh well, swinging by to get her number in a few hours



whitehawk said:


> The FWB thing never lasts , you both start to feel revolted living like that in the end .


It was fine until I met the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen all bloody year recently


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Yes because not taking myself seriously means that I'm insecure!
> 
> Wow!


I didn't bank on you agreeing.


----------



## moxy

RD. Mistaking people for people you know works for you? Ugh, I hate that schtick (I get it often in the city), especially in shopping centers of some sort; most women see right through it, but if it's working for you, then it means that the women you're talking to like you anyway.


----------



## Nsweet

Creepy white guys of craigslist
Very creepy!


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> I didn't bank on you agreeing.


Of course not, I'll fall off a cliff and laugh at it! 
Tis just who I am - my insanity has already reached its peak since seperation.



moxy said:


> RD. Mistaking people for people you know works for you? Ugh, I hate that schtick (I get it often in the city), especially in shopping centers of some sort; most women see right through it, but if it's working for you, then it means that the women you're talking to like you anyway.


Damn right I'm the man! lol









Or maybe I'm just convincing 

On a serious note though it's probably just sales savvy - stopping ladies on their tracks and getting their CC details in minutes back when I was in that line of work hehe. I was always professional (mostly) however until I stopped a gorgeous lady only to have her frown when she found out I was only talking to her to close a sale!

:slap:

Considering the success rate I'm either hot sh-t or just good with talking sh-t. Realisticly I like to think the LATTER as not to inflate my ego too much to the point it just needs to popped!


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## RandomDude

^ A cuckold's fantasy come true!  Haha

IMPREGNATE MY WIFE!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Bah! The last decent one I found ran when she finally decided that she doesn't wish to get involved with a man still awaiting divorce.
> 
> I doubt this story will end differently, nor am I going to damage my relations with ex by forcing the issue, putting her through court possibly severing our co-parenting arrangements making it difficult for our daughter.
> 
> This has no happy ending whitehawk, but the butterflies, they always promise me more, always tell me BS, makes me question the "what ifs"
> 
> *sigh* Oh well, swinging by to get her number in a few hours
> 
> 
> 
> It was fine until I met the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen all bloody year recently



Don't worry , one or two have ran from me too for things like that . Some don't realize that you can't have it all , not everything's gonna be perfect. Or as my dad use to say , we never get perfect it doesn't exist . 

Ahh ya never know RD , maybe not this one , maybe this one ,  but hey , it hasn't been very long for you and your still working through all your junk plus ex and daughter . Someone new one day .


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, I'll be happy to rid of this crush ASAP so I can be happy with FWB again


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> RD. Mistaking people for people you know works for you? Ugh, I hate that schtick (I get it often in the city), especially in shopping centers of some sort; most women see right through it, but if it's working for you, then it means that the women you're talking to like you anyway.



Yeah l must admit , l've thought the same but hey it works for him so why not run with it l spose.
l wouldn't even be game to try it myself , she'd see straight through it. But hey, older women , been around, no need for any bs anyway :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Ironically those are the ones I typically avoid because they're full of sh1t.


Aren't you a teacher though D ? So it would be very understandable .
Ironically l've found even some of the professional chicks or with a list of degrees, spell worse than me. Always good for a laugh .


----------



## whitehawk

Strangest thing. You know l get a lot of those types actually emailing me. Then there was the doc only 3 wks back, isn't that weird.
lt would be pretty fkg obvious reading my page that l'm no road scholar , strange.

l just had this one a few days ago , her page was a mile long , full of all this mystical garbage and philosophies , crap about connecting with a kindred spirit, give me a break . She'd obviously been single for yrs .
l dunno what the fkg possessed her to email me , her stuff made me feel a bit sick actually, that's how far of the mark she was . Weird.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l must admit , l've thought the same but hey it works for him so why not run with it l spose.
> l wouldn't even be game to try it myself , she'd see straight through it. But hey, older women , been around, no need for any bs anyway :rofl:


Why not? Just try it and you may be surprised at the results!

You see, it works like this, simple sales process from my days in marketing from my youth:

STAGE 1 - Introduction
STAGE 2 - Short story
STAGE 3 - Presentation
STAGE 4 - Close
STAGE 5 - Rehash

From stage 1 to 3 is building the prospect's interest level. Stage 1 is just the first hurdle - but often the hardest! But once your foot is in the door so to speak (by mistaking her for someone else), you have a few minutes to build their interest - or you lose the sale / lose their interest.

I bet most of the guys that moxy had met fumbled past stage 1


----------



## RandomDude

Smoothest approach is of course simple icebreakers/hotspotting, but that's not always possible 

Mistaken identity is hence the bread and butter!


----------



## whitehawk

Had this other rich ***** around the same day give or take. Apparently she works all over the world 6mths of the yr in some high up bs. She emailed me , WTF . 

What in the hell would make her think l'd be suited to some high flying exec' type ?

The mind just boggles :scratchhead: PS , don't get me wrong l was really flattered actually but scratching me head too.
Spose she' liked the thought of being away from her world on her downtime .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Why not? Just try it and you may be surprised at the results!
> 
> You see, it works like this, simple sales process from my days in marketing from my youth:
> 
> STAGE 1 - Introduction
> STAGE 2 - Short story
> STAGE 3 - Presentation
> STAGE 4 - Close
> STAGE 5 - Rehash
> 
> From stage 1 to 3 is building the prospect's interest level. Stage 1 is just the first hurdle - but often the hardest! But once your foot is in the door so to speak (by mistaking her for someone else), you have a few minutes to build their interest - or you lose the sale / lose their interest.
> 
> I bet most of the guys that moxy had met fumbled past stage 1



Haha , don't worry RD , every time you mention it l think about giving it a go .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Smoothest approach is of course simple icebreakers/hotspotting, but that's not always possible
> 
> Mistaken identity is hence the bread and butter!



What's hotspotting , well in this sense anyway , how's that one work ?


----------



## RandomDude

It's starting a conversation based on your environment (no not the weather, lamest hotspot ever lol - but similar in concept). It could be a compliment based on what she's wearing or doing, a query on the book or DVD she's looking at while at the store, or if well-timed, a recent event that peeked her interest such as a rude customer. It's anything really.

Just takes one joke or comment, she replies, conversation begins!

As can be expected, it can also backfire - especially on what she's wearing! Hence why mistaken identity is bread and butter  The idea is to get you in the race!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Lol!
> 
> Asian women get it worse apparently, there was even a website called "creepy white guys" a while ago.




Really though , no worse than all the white chicks throwing themselves at black guys , totally shamelessly .


----------



## RandomDude

Ok folks, it's crash and burn time! Unless she decides to flutter her eyelashes at me again and give me her number - then I'm screwed!

I'm on my way, from happiness to misery today! 
Uhuh uhuh uhuh uhuh...


----------



## whitehawk

Good luck RD . Your probably out of your misery by now anyway , one way or another .:smthumbup:


----------



## movealong

Good luck RD.


----------



## movealong

I have a woman 10 years younger than me that is really interested in meeting me (from zoosk, lol). I didn't notice the age difference when she messaged me because I have my filter set to 40-55. After chatting with her all afternoon, I finally take a closer look at her profile and see she is 38. I said "You do realize I am 10 years older than you?" 

Her response was both impressive and depressing. "Yes....and? I am tired of the players and games and I want to be with a man that knows himself and what he wants. My age filter is set to 45+."

Impressed that she knows she wants a stable man, but depressing because she is limiting herself. Maybe she has daddy issues? I dunno. Either way she is an interesting gal. 

I have a date with Eclectic tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it. Sent her a good morning text and said to call me when she is done with some stuff for her son. If she is the same in person as she is on line and talking on the phone, I think it will be a good thing. Our "chemistry" on zoosk is around 90%, highest one I have seen that I have chatted with. 

Either way, I am going in with no expectations and looking to have a good evening.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> lt would be pretty fkg obvious reading my page that l'm no road scholar , strange.


Made me seriously laugh out loud. :rofl:



whitehawk said:


> l just had this one a few days ago , her page was a mile long , full of all this mystical garbage and philosophies , crap about connecting with a kindred spirit, give me a break . She'd obviously been single for yrs .


:rofl: Maybe she thought you were her spiritual soulmate!




ne9907 said:


> You are so fvcking right!
> It greatly annoys me "white males" tell I am exotic!!
> I always think... b!tch please, just head to Mexico and you will find exactly how "exotic" I am....


Lol. I don't actually mind if people ask or tell me I am exotic. I have been guessed at being everything you can think of, which I take pleasure in. It's fun hearing them ask if I am from X, Y or Z. But when the random "Mami's" start after just meeting me...and they keeping Mami'ing" me like that one guy the other day I'm like REALLY, I have a name! 

_"Hoooola mami!"_

Four guys have asked me to go out on that Tindr. The other one told me to call him but I found him weird. He kept asking how tall I was and saying he liked it. I think he has a height fetish.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I have a woman 10 years younger than me that is really interested in meeting me (from zoosk, lol). I didn't notice the age difference when she messaged me because I have my filter set to 40-55. After chatting with her all afternoon, I finally take a closer look at her profile and see she is 38. I said "You do realize I am 10 years older than you?"
> 
> Her response was both impressive and depressing. "Yes....and? I am tired of the players and games and I want to be with a man that knows himself and what he wants. My age filter is set to 45+."
> 
> Impressed that she knows she wants a stable man, but depressing because she is limiting herself. Maybe she has daddy issues? I dunno. Either way she is an interesting gal.


Eh, don't hate on her too hard. I have my settings set to older men, too. I do not want to date anyone younger.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Eh, don't hate on her too hard. I have my settings set to older men, too. I do not want to date anyone younger.


Oh, no, I am not hating at all. It is depressing that the availability of single, stable men and women in that age range is so bad that they date up in age rather than deal with the issues of people closer to their age.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lol. Well when you say it THAT way...

My age range is set higher and I am younger than her... so don't think we are weird and have daddy issues. Some of us just like them a little older.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I have a woman 10 years younger than me that is really interested in meeting me (from zoosk, lol). I didn't notice the age difference when she messaged me because I have my filter set to 40-55. After chatting with her all afternoon, I finally take a closer look at her profile and see she is 38. I said "You do realize I am 10 years older than you?"
> 
> Her response was both impressive and depressing. "Yes....and? I am tired of the players and games and I want to be with a man that knows himself and what he wants. My age filter is set to 45+."
> 
> Impressed that she knows she wants a stable man, but depressing because she is limiting herself. Maybe she has daddy issues? I dunno. Either way she is an interesting gal.
> 
> I have a date with Eclectic tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it. Sent her a good morning text and said to call me when she is done with some stuff for her son. If she is the same in person as she is on line and talking on the phone, I think it will be a good thing. Our "chemistry" on zoosk is around 90%, highest one I have seen that I have chatted with.
> 
> Either way, I am going in with no expectations and looking to have a good evening.



10 yrs younger , ahh , nothing. My ex was 11yrs younger than me , that was the least of our problems , it was never anything at all we were just the same.
You been busy , go man go :rofl:. 
And about this damn Zoosk. How are you getting action ? Mine had probably the best of all to my taste yet nothing . l'm depressed


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Lol. Well when you say it THAT way...
> 
> My age range is set higher and I am younger than her... so don't think we are weird and have daddy issues. Some of us just like them a little older.


Well, when you put it that way...lol! :smthumbup:

10 years is the most difference I have ever dated younger than me. But that was back in college when I was 31 and she was 21. After college I dated a woman that was 12 years older than me, and that....that was an eye opener!! O_O

The other thing for me is just the dynamics. I have seen and done a lot in my life, and I really am not into traveling the world again until I retire. Some of the women post pictures of their trips and I just go to the next one. I'd rather travel locally or in the States than go through the rigmarole of overseas travel.


----------



## whitehawk

Out of shear bored outa my brain , l've been poking around into some of the free sites like POF , Mingle .
Do you know , they have the best set ups by far , of any sites l've seen , yet they're free.
Their sites are so clean and free of clutter, slick but simple .
And most importantly, they have the best emailing systems ever. Really large crisp clean emailing spaces, really straight forward , heaps and heaps of space.

l think it was Zoosk and Oasis , that have this insane tiny , talking tiny , emailing box. One of them l forget which , only shows one line of what your typing, that's all you can see . 1 line of it .
And the others both had these ridiculously tiny little spaces , that your somehow suppose to type to your future love in . lt's crazy.

l mean what is the one biggest name of the game on a dating site. The one most important part of it all. Communication , well to me anyway . So would you have to be a rocket scientist to figure out - oh, now we should give the sorry devils something decent to write in- yeah !
l mean that would be pretty fkg obvious don't you think - but it isn't .

I think it was Zoosk that was so small, so bad , that l accidentally sent of 3 or 4 emails in one line intervals to the one person , a few times. While trying to scroll it down to the next space to keep writing , crazy stuff.


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> 10 yrs younger , ahh , nothing. My ex was 11yrs younger than me , that was the least of our problems , it was never anything at all we were just the same.
> You been busy , go man go :rofl:.
> And about this damn Zoosk. How are you getting action ? Mine had probably the best of all to my taste yet nothing . l'm depressed


LOL! :smthumbup:

As for the action, zoosk has a "carousel" that you check out potential matches. If you click "Maybe" or "Yes" that you want to meet the person then you get a coin...up to 40 a day. Do that for a couple of days and then you can use a "boost" for 60 coins. It highlights you until 40 potential matches have clicked "Maybe" or "Yes" on you. 

I get a lot of hits when I use the boost, but I use it judiciously. I use it in the evening during the week when the most potential is there that women are "browsing" for the upcoming weekend.

Also, even if a woman has a limited profile, or just one picture, I will send a message anyway to see if they will respond. Some do, most don't. 

The main thing for me is that I am having fun browsing. And since I am not in a hurry, it seems things are working out well.


----------



## movealong

You can expand the chat box on zoosk. And it keeps a log of the conversation, so you can review it later to refresh yourself on what you discussed.


----------



## whitehawk

Maybe my area being a fairly small area, they couldn't get enough members so they've used a lot more fakes !


----------



## whitehawk

Ah right . Yeah personally l thought all the coin stuff was a bit rich when l'd already paid a membership. But l'm glad it's working for you , that's all that matters in the end. 
My old site has been working well for me since l got back day one and strangely enough , back in business the minute l rejoined . Emails to me , answers from ones l've sent . 
lt was pretty good timing actually to because that girl l'd been trying to meet came back at the same time.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I am dark-haired, tan-skinned, and ethnically ambiguous. So, I get allll kinds of fetish-rooted pick-up lines. I get called Mami more often than I can count. I often look like someone's [insert ethnic background here] ex or other. Lots of halfies wanna connect with me if they think I'm connected to whatever is their non-white half and will ask me if I am that. I don't mind. It's kind of amusing to be fetishized. Sometimes, it's also incredibly annoying. People want the answer to "what are you?" or they say I've never dated a [ethnicity goes here] girl and always wanted to. I'm either not ethnic enough or too ethnic most of the time. It makes me laugh to see the kinds of assumptions people make. I've been to a lot of places and I'm from a lot of places; so many haven't. I have my preferences when it comes to looks, too, but I don't objectify people based on skin color or ask them about it in foolish ways.


With me, it is my accent. People cannot place my accent. I do not have the typical Mexican accent. My accent comes from never being in the same place for too long. Many, many, men say the love my sexy accent.

I do not even know where my accent comes from.


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Really though , no worse than all the white chicks throwing themselves at black guys , totally shamelessly .


The power dynamic is different so it is not quite the same. 
With those white guys, they are sickos. Conquistadors. And conquistadors come to rape and pillage, not to build a relationship. they just want an exotic girlfriend, or somebody they can show off to show how nonracist they are, while making sure they never have to examine their own whiteness and the privileges it brings. A disaster for a relationship but maybe not for a ONS.

I'll date women of color no problem. But I know that there will be miscommunications, adjustments, and how we move in this world will necessarily be very different. And in laws can be tricky. I'm not sure a good many white men should ever look for a person who is not white to be with because most of us white guys are clueless about race. Personally, i think the society here in the US has become far more explicitly racist since Obama was elected and right-wingers have reacted...not admitting at all that it is race at the heart of their distaste or maybe even realizing it, but it most definitely is there. Anyway...politics. Can't avoid it in an interracial relationship though.


----------



## whitehawk

You'll have to put in a recording for us ne :scratchhead: . Don't worry , kidding.

Actually l'd like to do that , you guys would laugh l reckon and be totally stumped as to what it is .
Strangely enough , women have always seemed to be really at ease with my voice over the phone . Yet when l hear it on a recording l think please, l "can't" , sound like that :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> With me, it is my accent. People cannot place my accent. I do not have the typical Mexican accent. My accent comes from never being in the same place for too long. Many, many, men say the love my sexy accent.
> 
> I do not even know where my accent comes from.


Did you ever consciously work on it as a kid? My ex was Trinidadian and she would talk about how she deliberately made sure to loose her accent at a certain point when talking with non-Caribbeans but when talking with her family members she can put it back on in an instant, switching from one to the other with ease, almost like a second language. Nothing like that?


----------



## whitehawk

Do you think it's unhealthy to spend wk nights till all hours cruising the net and my date site right now.
l've just moved into my new rental, it's freezing so there's no one at all around.
l've had 12 mths from hell . l dunno , l've just found going to bed early and jumping on the net and my date site , or the phone to someone , is a really well earned rest right now.
But it's also the beginning of my new single world and in my new area . Feel like l should be doing something-it is freezing though and l do deserve a rest.


----------



## Jellybeans

So take a break from it and get some rest. 

DUUUUUH.

Lol.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> So take a break from it and get some rest.
> 
> DUUUUUH.
> 
> Lol.



lsn't it stupid the way we can begin to question ourselves after going through this stuff . l like your thinking :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> The power dynamic is different so it is not quite the same.
> With those white guys, they are sickos. Conquistadors. And conquistadors come to rape and pillage, not to build a relationship. they just want an exotic girlfriend, or somebody they can show off to show how nonracist they are, while making sure they never have to examine their own whiteness and the privileges it brings. A disaster for a relationship but maybe not for a ONS.
> 
> I'll date women of color no problem. But I know that there will be miscommunications, adjustments, and how we move in this world will necessarily be very different. And in laws can be tricky. I'm not sure a good many white men should ever look for a person who is not white to be with because most of us white guys are clueless about race. Personally, i think the society here in the US has become far more explicitly racist since Obama was elected and right-wingers have reacted...not admitting at all that it is race at the heart of their distaste or maybe even realizing it, but it most definitely is there. Anyway...politics. Can't avoid it in an interracial relationship though.


But it's not all just that. They are very beautiful women , men are also just simply attracted to them. l was just talking to an Asian on my site yesterday and my God , what an incredible looking girl.
My new one is Asian in looks but she's never even been to anywhere Asia . She's a real cutie. Can't wait for her to get back from this work thing she's doing .
Mind you , we've only spoken twice so it's very early days.


----------



## Jellybeans

You know, just because a woman isn't white doesn't make her this thing. 

Lol. 

It's just the way it's being talked about... "Conquistadors" and "them."

"Them" have names and are people, too.


----------



## movealong

Being white is not a privilege. As a mixed heritage man with European and Native American heritage, I "look" white. People ASSume that I am white. People ASSume I was privileged. People ASSume that I had a typical Beaver Cleaver home. I lived on a reservation for over a year as a kid. My single mother had to do twice the work and be twice as good to get and keep jobs. We never used our heritage to game the system. ASSuming that because someone looks white they were privileged is pretty silly.

Over generalizations, in general, are pretty damn silly. There were black slave owners, native american slave owners, asian slave owners, and yes, white slave owners. How can we move race relations forward if we are always looking at the past?

/rant


----------



## whitehawk

Check this out.

Mal , my new one , doesn't get back until late Sunday night right .
l've waited 7wks hoping to meet her.
She's an hour away from me right.
And , my car goes in for some work Monday morning and it will probably be in there all wk because it took him that long last time.

This can't be happening.


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm not sure what that rant was about or why you are seem miffed but re: race relations, it was and is a very real thing.

White people do have a totally different experience, than say, a minority. I don't think that is something that anyone could deny.

Also, to understand the present/future, one must understand the past.


----------



## movealong

Ugh! That bites wh! Can you get a rental or loaner car?


----------



## whitehawk

Hey , borrow my ex's car. Go meet a new lady in the ex's car , nice twist :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not sure what that rant was about or why you are seem miffed but re: race relations, it was and is a very real thing.
> 
> White people do have a totally different experience, than say, a minority. I don't think that is something that anyone could deny.
> 
> Also, to understand the present/future, one must understand the past.



JB , how is it you are even single and on this site just going to waste on us :scratchhead:


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not sure what that rant was about or why you are seem miffed but re: race relations, it was and is a very real thing.
> 
> White people do have a totally different experience, than say, a minority. I don't think that is something that anyone could deny.
> 
> Also, to understand the present/future, one must understand the past.


This concept of white privilege is just another way to be divisive. My point is that while there is a need to understand the past, dwelling on it does nothing for the future. My ancestors met the boat, were driven off their land, and still survived. I don't hate the Europeans for what they did, I live in the real world and make my way in the dynamics as they are. Some people choose to live off the past and never look to the future. 

Star Trek was a Utopian universe where all races were equal and it was not an issue. The sooner we actually start striving for that dynamic and leave the petty race baiting behind the better off our species will be.

I date on looks, personality, and intelligence. Race never played a part in it. It is just a subject that irritates me because of the generalizations.


----------



## whitehawk

l'm gonna have to hire one , l can't wait another wk after all this , no way .

ps , go all out , make it a Harley , accept it will probably be pouring all next wk .


----------



## moxy

movealong said:


> Being white is not a privilege.


No, being white is not a privilege. However, being white comes with privilege -- as does being rich, being male, being educated, being culturally literate, being socially connected, and being part of any dominant group in any society. Recognizing the bias created by that privilege helps in alleviating the burden it imposes on those excluded from it. Sometimes, understanding the historical context helps to make sense of the roots of those issues. The point is not to celebrate the inequality, but to recognize it in order to do something about it.

And, while we would all love to live in a color-blind society, we do not actually live in one. People benefitting from white privilege can include in their list of privileges the possibility of claiming color-blindness. These issues contain power dynamics and DO influence dating as well as other social interactions.


----------



## movealong

Buying into a stereotype and propagating that stereotype is not conducive to moving forward.

I would be willing to bet that each of us can come up with at least one stereotype for every ethnicity. And believe me, it was not easy being "white" living on a reservation. They had their stereotyping too. It just seems counterproductive to continue to instigate tension by repeating stereotypical generalizations.

When people stop stereotyping and start thinking for themselves, it will be a grand world. 

My apology if any of you were upset by my rant. It's just that I have been on both sides of the coin. It is not fun from either side.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Did you ever consciously work on it as a kid? My ex was Trinidadian and she would talk about how she deliberately made sure to loose her accent at a certain point when talking with non-Caribbeans but when talking with her family members she can put it back on in an instant, switching from one to the other with ease, almost like a second language. Nothing like that?


I had never worked on it, I thought I had an accent but did not know it was a strange sounding accent until I moved away from OK.

I kinda like it, and sometimes do it on purpose because I like it


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> I'm not sure what that rant was about or why you are seem miffed but re: race relations, it was and is a very real thing.


Sorry. I'm bored. A week till move and nothing to do. I should stay off the internet and not subject strangers to my political ranting on a dating site.


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> This concept of white privilege is just another way to be divisive.


Its not a way to be divisive man. It is real. You may have grew up poor but you are privileged by your birth and skin in this society. For example, I spent time in prison for arson as a teenager. When I got out, I went to college and got accepted and all that. My parole officer signed my loan lease. I guarantee that she would not have done that for a black male.

In the job market I do not have to work twice as hard as another man to prove that I am really smart (I work twice as hard because I am a workaholic!). When I am walking down the street at night I don't have to worry about whether I am wearing a hoodie and some ****bird is going to shoot me because I look like a "thug" who doesn't belong in that neighborhood. When I am pulled over by the police, I do not need to worry about saying yes sir and no sir and all sorts of little things so that I do not come across as a threat to the officer because they have an image of big black scary men in their repertoire of images by which to negotiate the law. 

Anyway...your comment was a reason that I said what I said about white men dating people of color. If a person is not aware of these very basic things I think that a relationship with a person of color is going to go south eventually.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Its not a way to be divisive man. It is real. You may have grew up poor but you are privileged by your birth and skin in this society. For example, I spent time in prison for arson as a teenager. When I got out, I went to college and got accepted and all that. My parole officer signed my loan lease. I guarantee that she would not have done that for a black male.
> 
> In the job market I do not have to work twice as hard as another man to prove that I am really smart (I work twice as hard because I am a workaholic!). When I am walking down the street at night I don't have to worry about whether I am wearing a hoodie and some ****bird is going to shoot me because I look like a "thug" who doesn't belong in that neighborhood. When I am pulled over by the police, I do not need to worry about saying yes sir and no sir and all sorts of little things so that I do not come across as a threat to the officer because they have an image of big black scary men in their repertoire of images by which to negotiate the law.
> 
> Anyway...your comment was a reason that I said what I said about white men dating people of color. If a person is not aware of these very basic things I think that a relationship with a person of color is going to go south eventually.


I have encounter similar situations because of my skin color.
I recall one time while I was in Arkansas doing a training exercise, I went out with some other women in my unit. I was the only brown skinned woman.
We were walking towards a restaurant and a big pick up truck was stopped at the red light. Inside were two white males.
THey pointed a me, yelled "Ha! Mexican" and speed off.

I have developed a thick skin for this sort of events, it is not as bad as others get, but still bothersome.


----------



## Arendt

Yeah. But white privilege is not about racism per se. My ex led trainings on race relations and all that so I am really conscious of all this. In those sessions when she would explain things white men in particular would be really resistant. But if I explained the exact same thing to them as a white male, they woudl suddenly be like, "
okay, I see." Again, white privilege for me. I did not need to worry about whether I was going to be misunderstood and very subtlety rejected because what I had to say sounded like a threat to another person's identity and self-consciousness. 

So what I am saying about dating a person of color is in no way about a person being overtly racist or having any thoughts of that sort like you experienced in the south (and we had similar situations when we went to Georgia and on the South Side of Chicago I would add...Chicago is very segregated). It is about a certain awareness of oneself in relationship to others. In New York , for example, a lot of African Americans refused to take jobs that they felt were demeaning to them like flipping burgers or doing menial jobs for white folks. So white people would see them as lazy or whatever. But when a Caribbean Black took the same job they would be seen as hard-working, when it was really about race in this country and its history. For an African American, that job was a throw back to slavery days and being subjected. For a Caribbean black person, it was a stepping stone. But white folks unaware of the race dynamic couldn't see it. Those white folks were not "racist" in any overt sense, but they were unaware of the dynamics and harmed others and themselves because of it.


----------



## moxy

Racism is not restricted to individual acts of malice driven by hatred for ethnic difference. There are many forms of racism, including the more insidious aspects that are embedded in culture, institutions, and social convention. It's the latter that plays a part in dating and navigating couple-dom in society.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> JB , how is it you are even single and on this site just going to waste on us :scratchhead:


Meaning? I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not.

How is your dog doing?


----------



## ne9907

Do you all have a song which makes you cry every time you listen to it?

Mine is "He stopped loving her today" and "Golden Ring"

I so love both songs and always always make me cry...


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Meaning? I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not.
> 
> 
> 
> How is your dog doing?



I don't think he was being sarcastic, but admiring the insightfulness of your post in response to race dynamics and thereby complimenting you. Just my opinion from the outside.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Do you all have a song which makes you cry every time you listen to it?


Chumbawumba. But I only cry tears because it's so bad. 



moxy said:


> I don't think he was being sarcastic, but admiring the insightfulness of your post in response to race dynamics and thereby complimenting you. Just my opinion from the outside.


:smthumbup: I can't read people sometimes. On the internet, it is hard sometimes. Lol.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Chumbawumba. But I only cry tears because it's so bad.
> .


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Do you all have a song which makes you cry every time you listen to it?
> 
> Mine is "He stopped loving her today" and "Golden Ring"
> 
> I so love both songs and always always make me cry...


I cry at the drop of a hat these days. Doesn't bother me, I'm just compensating for years of suppressing my feelings.

"Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)" by A Great Big World breaks my heart
the reprise of "I'll Cover You" from _Rent_ always gets me, because it's about a character who has just passed
"The Promise" by Tracy Chapman, because it reminds my of my grandparents, who have passed on

Also, "Clarity" by Zedd was like opening a vein when I going through the darkest parts of my divorce, but I got over him and I got over the song.


----------



## moxy

I used to be able to cry more reasonably, but, now, I seldom do. I am a bit emotionally frozen at this point. I did cry recently, though.

Songs...there are plenty that make me stop what I'm doing to listen, that fill me with emotions, including sorrow. I haven't cried to a song in a while, though.


----------



## RandomDude

Well folks, me and wonder girl exchanged numbers last night and its confirmed... may give her a call this arvo. Told FWB, she was cool, kept interrogating me about wonder girl though and I teased her that she might be jealous and she admitted she was... dunno what that means. Regardless we cuddled with our clothes on. What have I done? Bah!

Oh well, told her that it's just the dating itch and FWB had it too, but then she encouraged me as a friend to try it out, who knows what may happen. I should be excited, but can't help but feel I may have put myself in a bad position with FWB. I fear she may no longer be around anymore if my date goes sour.


----------



## evolver

ne9907 said:


> Do you all have a song which makes you cry every time you listen to it?
> 
> Mine is "He stopped loving her today" and "Golden Ring"
> 
> I so love both songs and always always make me cry...


When I was going through my separation, and for about a month after I found out I was headed for divorce, "Tether" by Chvrches would make me cry every time it came on Pandora. I thought the lyrics repeated at the end were

"I feel incapable of seeing the end, I feel incapable of saying it's over"

It wasn't until after I accepted what was happening that I realized she was actually singing:

"I'm feeling capable of seeing the end, I'm feeling capable of saying it's over". 

Now it no longer makes me cry. It's funny how the brain does that. 

CHVRCHES - Tether live [email protected] 09.10.2013 - YouTube


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I have developed a thick skin for this sort of events, it is not as bad as others get, but still bothersome.


I still remember the time when a bunch of white bogans drove by while me, ex and baby daughter were strolling and threw a beer bottle at us. I lost my temper as my daughter was threatened so I followed the car up to the lights and was about to drag them out for a fight but they drove past the red light.

But then at the same time we had good white neighbors who didn't care that I married a white woman. So it kinda balanced itself out, there's fkwits everywhere regardless of race. Still this problem persisted up to the end of our marriage.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Do you all have a song which makes you cry every time you listen to it?
> 
> Mine is "He stopped loving her today" and "Golden Ring"
> 
> I so love both songs and always always make me cry...


Go Rest High On That Mountain ~ Vince Gill, Alison Krauss & Ricky Skaggs ~ Lyrics - YouTube


----------



## ne9907

I was 20 and in love with ex boyfriend, I have talked about him often here.
This was my anthem! Makes me smile like a fool!! oh, to be young again!!

lovefool by The Cardigans with lyrics - YouTube


----------



## Arendt

Some of you-all gals ought to switch to metal. Less crying 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-2yuGgp_U8


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Some of you-all gals ought to switch to metal. Less crying
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-2yuGgp_U8


Blasphemy!!!


----------



## Arendt

I image you listening to that tune I posted and going hell yeah. You being the plane-jumping, ex army, punch-you-in-the-face-if-you-touch-me-again-man-in-a-van gal you seem to be.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> I image you listening to that tune I posted and going hell yeah. You being the plane-jumping, ex army, punch-you-in-the-face-if-you-touch-me-again-man-in-a-van gal you seem to be.



But I do have my sensitive side, this is as hard core as I get

The All-American Rejects Gives You Hell (lyrics) (HQ) - YouTube


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> But I do have my sensitive side, this is as hard core as I get
> 
> The All-American Rejects Gives You Hell (lyrics) (HQ) - YouTube


I see. Well that's a start from the sappy. Try out My Chemical Romance. 
My Chemical Romance - "Teenagers" [Official Music Video] - YouTube

Anyway, I don't cry to music much. I did cry when i saw Les Miserable on Broadway at the scene where the priest forgives Valjean. Beautiful music. But that is a different kind of tears I guess.


----------



## vi_bride04

Always makes me cry: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here: http://youtu.be/IXdNnw99-Ic


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Meaning? I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not.
> 
> How is your dog doing?


Haha nah , just meaning how has someone not snapped her up .

He's not too good. lt's just going to be a time thing to see how he goes .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Well folks, me and wonder girl exchanged numbers last night and its confirmed... may give her a call this arvo. Told FWB, she was cool, kept interrogating me about wonder girl though and I teased her that she might be jealous and she admitted she was... dunno what that means. Regardless we cuddled with our clothes on. What have I done? Bah!
> 
> Oh well, told her that it's just the dating itch and FWB had it too, but then she encouraged me as a friend to try it out, who knows what may happen. I should be excited, but can't help but feel I may have put myself in a bad position with FWB. I fear she may no longer be around anymore if my date goes sour.



Hey congrats on the butterfly . So how did you go about approaching her ?


----------



## whitehawk

I've got an all time fav' that literally carried me through the nights, night after night when l first separated .
l still love the song but l realize now when l go to play it , l won't be able to anymore now because from here on it will be forever entwined into that period of my life . So unfortunately , it's gotta go.

Eminem - love the way you lie.
The actual lyrics weren't even our situation, luckily l guess, but it was just all about the title first and foremost and then music itself .
l must of played it 1,000s of times.
l just can't listen to it now though .


----------



## ne9907

Has any of you ever been cat fished?

Watching MTVs Catfish


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Hey congrats on the butterfly . So how did you go about approaching her ?


We've already conversed briefly prior so it wasn't too difficult. I wasn't really surprised by her answer either as I suspected she's been checking me out as well, but a part of me didn't believe it. Probably why I got the butterflies in the first place with all her fluttering.

Ironically I'm actually more concerned for FWB, she's cool about it but not too happy that we're to be just friends now. Looks like I'm doing to her what she did to me the last time she decided to try dating again. Meh

But hey, I may call my date this arvo and then she might tell me she's actually not interested then hoora! Back to normal! Unless FWB decides she wants to go back to dating too...

... in which case, I'll be left with no date + no FWB and have only myself to blame by taking a stupid chance at someone fluttering her eyelashes at me!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Has any of you ever been cat fished?
> 
> 
> 
> Watching MTVs Catfish



Not to that extent, but I've been lied to before. When I was a college freshman, I met a guy online who claimed to be single and unattached (he was studying at a nearby university, not my own) and we had some fun, flirting and talking on the phone and Internet and striking up what I now know was an emotional affair for a few weeks; later, I discovered that he had a pregnant wife. Needless to say, I told her everything and shut him out of my life entirely, when I found out.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> Not to that extent, but I've been lied to before. When I was a college freshman, I met a guy online who claimed to be single and unattached (he was studying at a nearby university, not my own) and we had some fun, flirting and talking on the phone and Internet and striking up what I now know was an emotional affair for a few weeks; later, I discovered that he had a pregnant wife. Needless to say, I told her everything and shut him out of my life entirely, when I found out.


Yikes!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> We've already conversed briefly prior so it wasn't too difficult. I wasn't really surprised by her answer either as I suspected she's been checking me out as well, but a part of me didn't believe it. Probably why I got the butterflies in the first place with all her fluttering.
> 
> Ironically I'm actually more concerned for FWB, she's cool about it but not too happy that we're to be just friends now. Looks like I'm doing to her what she did to me the last time she decided to try dating again. Meh
> 
> But hey, I may call my date this arvo and then she might tell me she's actually not interested then hoora! Back to normal! Unless FWB decides she wants to go back to dating too...
> 
> ... in which case, I'll be left with no date + no FWB and have only myself to blame by taking a stupid chance at someone fluttering her eyelashes at me!



Nice goin . 
But yeah, as much as we'd all like to be made of stone sometimes , it ain't gonna happen . 
But hey , when the time comes and something real does come along it's much much healthier and happier for all sitch anyway so you know, all good .


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! 

I *AM* stone, or I should be anyway. Grrr...

Still feels like I've ruined a good thing for a slight chance at something better. The selfish side of me reckons I shouldn't have told FWB but she deserved an explanation why I've been physically distant since meeting miss butterfly.

Meh, shouldn't be looking back but forward right? Still, already miss FWB and it's only last night we got together.


----------



## moxy

Should I ask Guy why he doesn't want to talk to me anymore (my friend's suggestion; he never gave me a reason, just seemed mad at me and I said "ok") or just leave it alone to see if he contacts me and/or just hook up with one of these other dudes that's blowing up my phone lately to drown my sorrows? 

For the record, I don't think I should text bc I'm afraid it will look needy; at the same time doing nothing is the same as promoting poor communication.  ugh. I hate feeling so frustrated.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Should I ask Guy why he doesn't want to talk to me anymore (my friend's suggestion; he never gave me a reason, just seemed mad at me and I said "ok") or just leave it alone to see if he contacts me and/or just hook up with one of these other dudes that's blowing up my phone lately to drown my sorrows?
> 
> For the record, I don't think I should text bc I'm afraid it will look needy; at the same time doing nothing is the same as promoting poor communication.  ugh. I hate feeling so frustrated.



Stay away from anyone else until the guy thing gets figured out l say unless you just couldn't care less anyway . ln that case just do what you want .
But on him , all depends on the fine print mox , like what happened to bring this on , or has nothing happened he's just gone off ?
A disagreement, talk about something, something you said , did ?


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Bah!
> 
> I *AM* stone, or I should be anyway. Grrr...
> 
> Still feels like I've ruined a good thing for a slight chance at something better. The selfish side of me reckons I shouldn't have told FWB but she deserved an explanation why I've been physically distant since meeting miss butterfly.
> 
> Meh, shouldn't be looking back but forward right? Still, already miss FWB and it's only last night we got together.


Ahh , tried the stone thing but l realized your not even alive living like that , just a machine . 
Spose telling her already all depends on a mans conscience right ! 
But hey , it's done now yeah , see what happens .


----------



## RandomDude

What's happening right now is that her schedule doesn't fit mine as my weekends are out of the question and next week is not happening so she suggested tonight - probably to suss me out now since I didn't tell her I have a kid yet (hence no weekends!)

This is a bad start, and I have no idea where in the blazes to take her since I've been thinking about plan Z (going back to FWB) all day. Regardless I have some time before the crunch and I can't be a jerk and call it off considering she's now all prettying herself (like seriously - how much better can she look? with that smooth jet black hair and hypnotising light blue eyes?)...

BAH! So much hassle now I'm checking out first date ideas in a hurry, didn't have this problem with FWB... BAH! :banghead:


----------



## whitehawk

That's funny, sorry can't resist . Not one you wanna rush l know and fwb , glad it's you and not me man , l wouldn't be too good at all that.

Decided to delete my spur moment date suggestions though, wtf would l know :rofl:
Could always just stay home with fwb and kick yourself tomorrow.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Stay away from anyone else until the guy thing gets figured out l say unless you just couldn't care less anyway . ln that case just do what you want .


I do care, but I don't know if he does. He acts like he cares, sometimes, but sometimes I just feel like I'm some chick he's banging and like I don't matter.

I don't really feel a connection with the other dudes I've been chatting with for a while (Alpha guy is aggressive, Goth guy is sensitive, Engineer guy wants to date me, Party guy wants a FWB, there are others) except maybe a desire to have sex because they're attractive and I'm feeling rejected, and maybe it's shady that I'm flirting with other dudes in the first place, but I thought it was harmless.



whitehawk said:


> But on him , all depends on the fine print mox , like what happened to bring this on , or has nothing happened he's just gone off ?
> 
> A disagreement, talk about something, something you said , did ?



I wish I understood what happened. He didn't explain why he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I assume he just got bored or was annoyed or met someone else, but he didn't say that. We had an emotional night (not bad, just intense; he was talking about where things would be with us in four months) and I left before he was awake (something came up), but didn't explain what it was; he ignored me for a few days and then texted me to hook up, but I wasn't around; we text flirted the next day. I went out of town to a concert and came back and told him so; a couple days later, I told him I missed his body and asked him if he wanted to hook up on the weekend. He blew me off. I figured that maybe my text might have seemed needy or clingy or he was just bored with me (I don't see how this is possible bc I'm adventurous in bed). He's stressed about a bunch of things, too, and I didn't want to be demanding so I didn't ask him to explain, just accepted it (I said ok and that if he changed his mind, I'd be around). He was polite and so was I. I don't want to be all drama. I am, however, confused and sad.

Two of my friends said that my recent actions made me seem insensitive and like I'm just using him for sex when I'm in the mood, but not caring about his needs and that I seem very detached. I'm afraid of being clingy, though (bc I like him), and so I've been very casual about things for months (we've been hooking up for like seven months). I feel like I've upset him (he seems moody and miffed), but I don't know what I did (why would he blow me off instead of telling me if he was mad at me?). They think I should at least ask him if I've done something to upset him or at least ask why he's blowing me off and are urging me to do so. I just think that it would be annoying if I did, so I'm hoping he will change his mind and text me.


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> What's happening right now is that her schedule doesn't fit mine as my weekends are out of the question and next week is not happening so she suggested tonight - probably to suss me out now since I didn't tell her I have a kid yet (hence no weekends!)
> 
> This is a bad start, and I have no idea where in the blazes to take her since I've been thinking about plan Z (going back to FWB) all day. Regardless I have some time before the crunch and I can't be a jerk and call it off considering she's now all prettying herself (like seriously - how much better can she look? with that smooth jet black hair and hypnotising light blue eyes?)...
> 
> BAH! So much hassle now I'm checking out first date ideas in a hurry, didn't have this problem with FWB... BAH! :banghead:


Problems problems RD...sounds like you might have some feelings for FWB


----------



## Jellybeans

I have a LOT going on. 
Been spending time with someone (S) being romantic (mostly on weekends). We don't talk every day though and hardly during the week and that bothers me. Feels like I initiate a lot and while he is busy a lot, so am I. Yesterday I met up school friends I've known 15 yrs (1 chick, 2 guys) for drinks and S walks in. Introduced him to everyone and he sat a seat away and I was talking to him/trying to involve him in convo and he didn't say much and left quickly thereafter. I feel like he was jealous/upset. Prior to this we spoke the day before when I asked what he was doing he said he was getting ready for bed and I said me too and he never wrote me back or contacted me yesterday. Then we run into each other at a bar. I felt so weird, guys. I really like him yet I feel like the communication sucks. Today I texted him and he hasn't written me back.
Also I had my first Tinder date and it was fun. Hot computer nerd who wants to go out again. 
And I still feel hung up on guy 1 and how this went down. I feel all over the place and anxious.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans, that is a lot going on. Why might S be upset you?

Congrats on your Tindr date! Will you go out with him again?

Is Guy 1 the same as S?


----------



## Jellybeans

Yes, Guy 1 is the same as S. I think he was upset because he saw me hanging with friends and some were dudes. I introduced everyone though and said they are my friends of forever. He just seemed so cold and left so fast. Also, he hadn't reached out to me at all yesterday and the two days prior I had reached out to him. All he said the last time was he was getting ready for bed. Nothign else. Just makes me feel weird that he can spend time with me a lot on a weekend but during the week I rarely hear from him. I was a bunch of nerves. Hate that feeling. 
I like the Tindr guy but feel weird right now due to all the above. I probably would not be good at multi-dating. Tindr guy seemed really sweet though and kind. I know everyone is always cool on the first outing though. Gosh I am jaded.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Yes, Guy 1 is the same as S. I think he was upset because he saw me hanging with friends and some were dudes. I introduced everyone though and said they are my friends of forever. He just seemed so cold and left so fast. Also, he hadn't reached out to me at all yesterday and the two days prior I had reached out to him. All he said the last time was he was getting ready for bed. Nothign else. Just makes me feel weird that he can spend time with me a lot on a weekend but during the week I rarely hear from him. I was a bunch of nerves. Hate that feeling.
> I like the Tindr guy but feel weird right now due to all the above. I probably would not be good at multi-dating. Tindr guy seemed really sweet though and kind. I know everyone is always cool on the first outing though. Gosh I am jaded.


Eh, let S go, dont contact him again. Sounds like a flaky PITA. If he really liked you, there would be communication throughout the week and he would not have behaved that way with your friends.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> Should I ask Guy why he doesn't want to talk to me anymore (my friend's suggestion; he never gave me a reason, just seemed mad at me and I said "ok") or just leave it alone to see if he contacts me and/or just hook up with one of these other dudes that's blowing up my phone lately to drown my sorrows?
> 
> For the record, I don't think I should text bc I'm afraid it will look needy; at the same time doing nothing is the same as promoting poor communication.  ugh. I hate feeling so frustrated.


There's already poor communication. Asking is not necessarily needy. But I would ask once, and if he ever does this again, tell him you are done. That is a codependent cycle starting to happen if it becomes a repeated pattern of his withdrawal and you having to ask to see what is wrong. You might even be clear about that at some point. I'm asking what is going on, but I won't be chasing you down everytime you run off and be quiet. 

Maybe...just two cents.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I have a LOT going on.
> Been spending time with someone (S) being romantic (mostly on weekends). We don't talk every day though and hardly during the week and that bothers me. Feels like I initiate a lot and while he is busy a lot, so am I. Yesterday I met up school friends I've known 15 yrs (1 chick, 2 guys) for drinks and S walks in. Introduced him to everyone and he sat a seat away and I was talking to him/trying to involve him in convo and he didn't say much and left quickly thereafter. I feel like he was jealous/upset. Prior to this we spoke the day before when I asked what he was doing he said he was getting ready for bed and I said me too and he never wrote me back or contacted me yesterday. Then we run into each other at a bar. I felt so weird, guys. I really like him yet I feel like the communication sucks. Today I texted him and he hasn't written me back.
> Also I had my first Tinder date and it was fun. Hot computer nerd who wants to go out again.
> And I still feel hung up on guy 1 and how this went down. I feel all over the place and anxious.


Yay Jelly! Congratulations on your tinder date.

S... some men just do not like to communicate, some are not that into us to bother sending texts, that is something I am still trying to figure out. 

That is all I have to say about that.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Eh, let S go, dont contact him again. Sounds like a flaky PITA.


What does PITA mean?


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> What does PITA mean?


 It means he's a piece of flat bread with pockets into which you put falafels and hummus.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> What does PITA mean?


Pain In The Ass,

I think he might have been jealous. But I also dislike that he does not texts you at all
Blue eyes does that.... it bothers me, but then again, I pull a RandomDude and go Meh.....

We always have fun on our dates, he put up curtains after I said his room was too bright, and he gave me his especial pillow because I like fluffly pillows, so....
And he never gets mad when I drunk text him


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> What does PITA mean?


Pain in the ass.


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> Asking is not necessarily needy. But I would ask once, and if he ever does this again, tell him you are done.
> You might even be clear about that at some point. I'm asking what is going on, but I won't be chasing you down everytime you run off and be quiet.
> 
> Maybe...just two cents.


I told him I wished we communicated more and he said he doesn't feel it's necessary to talk every day. We differ in communication styles and the thing is I feel emotionally disconnected from someone if I spend a lot of time with them and then don't hear from them really for days at a time. Just felt like he froze me out or something/was upset when he saw me with friends. And him being mum after the fact doesn't help.


----------



## Jellybeans

Just read this on the internet and it is what I usually advise to others, just in different words.

_Reality check: “One of the great truths about men,” says my friend Joe, who some of his old girlfriends refer to as “The Sphinx” for his unblinking non-responsiveness to most of his dates, “is this: We are not complicated. If a guy wants you, you’ll know it. There won’t be any mystery. The phone will ring. An e-mail will show up. He will indicate a clear willingness for greater proximity. If that’s not happening, you’re not getting all his attention.”_

Why are we so good about giving advice (and I am really good at it, lol) yet can't take advice ourselves?! STOOPID.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> *I told him I wished we communicated more and he said he doesn't feel it's necessary to talk every day.* We differ in communication styles and the thing is I feel emotionally disconnected from someone if I spend a lot of time with them and then don't hear from them really for days at a time. Just felt like he froze me out or something/was upset when he saw me with friends. And him being mum after the fact doesn't help.


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> Why are we so good about giving advice (and I am really good at it, lol) yet can't take advice ourselves?! STOOPID.


I have done a lot of editing, as an editor of books where other people send me their chapters and I edit them. It is way easier to offer feedback and see mistakes in another person's paper than to see them in my own because I have went over my own so much I miss small things and jumps in logic because 1) everything in my own paper is so familiar it is hard to see the rough terrain and 2) maybe I have a secret and unconscious outlook that sees what I do as damn near perfect, maybe. 1) is definitely true. Other people's chapters are unfamiliar so when they miss an oxford comma, misspell a word, or something just doesn't make sense in their argument, I see it more easily because I am trying to navigate new territory: if the path is clear it is clear, if it is not clear, then I know it. When I have made the path, I can just jump over the roadblocks that others would stumble over. 

Life is kind of like editing.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I told him I wished we communicated more and he said he doesn't feel it's necessary to talk every day. We differ in communication styles and the thing is I feel emotionally disconnected from someone if I spend a lot of time with them and then don't hear from them really for days at a time. Just felt like he froze me out or something/was upset when he saw me with friends. And him being mum after the fact doesn't help.


Yea JB..i would be turned off already by that behavior... not enough communication and pouting when he saw you out with others :/...red flags to me


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> I have done a lot of editing, as an editor of books where other people send me their chapters and I edit them. It is way easier to offer feedback and see mistakes in another person's paper than to see them in my own because I have went over my own so much I miss small things and jumps in logic because 1) everything in my own paper is so familiar it is hard to see the rough terrain and 2) maybe I have a secret and unconscious outlook that sees what I do as damn near perfect, maybe. 1) is definitely true. Other people's chapters are unfamiliar so when they miss an oxford comma, misspell a word, or something just doesn't make sense in their argument, I see it more easily because I am trying to navigate new territory: if the path is clear it is clear, if it is not clear, then I know it. When I have made the path, I can just jump over the roadblocks that others would stumble over.
> 
> *Life is kind of like editing*.


okay
you are my new crush. I shall spare your life.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Just read this on the internet and it is what I usually advise to others, just in different words.
> 
> _Reality check: “One of the great truths about men,” says my friend Joe, who some of his old girlfriends refer to as “The Sphinx” for his unblinking non-responsiveness to most of his dates, “is this: We are not complicated. If a guy wants you, you’ll know it. There won’t be any mystery. The phone will ring. An e-mail will show up. He will indicate a clear willingness for greater proximity. If that’s not happening, you’re not getting all his attention.”_
> 
> Why are we so good about giving advice (and I am really good at it, lol) yet can't take advice ourselves?! STOOPID.


Cause we always want to be the exception and give people the benefit of the doubt


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> okay
> you are my new crush. I shall spare your life.


"Life is like editing"

You have a crush on Forest Gump?


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> "Life is like editing"
> 
> You have a crush on Forest Gump?


I love Forrest Gump!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Not to that extent, but I've been lied to before. When I was a college freshman, I met a guy online who claimed to be single and unattached (he was studying at a nearby university, not my own) and we had some fun, flirting and talking on the phone and Internet and striking up what I now know was an emotional affair for a few weeks; later, I discovered that he had a pregnant wife. Needless to say, I told her everything and shut him out of my life entirely, when I found out.


I had a similar experience; many years ago, I got involved with a co-worker, who we'll call Chef. It was very flirtatious, and we would go out after work, and it was very physical, but never all the way physical. I wanted something serious/committed/monogamous, but Chef always hedged that, so I never totally trusted him. Because all of this, I assumed he was dating around, but just as casually with others as with me. We kept everything hush-hush, because he was management and I wasn't, and our workplace had a very strict no fraternization policy.

After several months of this... a mutual acquaintance (who didn't know that Chef and I were messing around), mentioned Chef's fiancee, WHOM HE LIVED WITH.

He had always kept his personal life completely separate from work, and he lived one town over from where we worked (and where I lived), so it made sense that we always went to my place, and never to his.

I confronted him about is the next day, and he completely denied it. It would have been one thing if he admitted it when confronted, but to still deny it when caught? I went ballistic on his ass, in private, of course; no one at work was any the wiser. But he must have realized that I had the ammunition to ruin his career (at least with his current employer), and he resigned only a few weeks later.

I did meet his fiancee a few months later, totally by chance. I ran into them at a pub where he and I used to go; she had come into the city with him on a date night. She was really sweet. I debated telling her... but ultimately didn't. I didn't want any more of that circus.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Yea JB..i would be turned off already by that behavior... not enough communication and pouting when he saw you out with others :/...red flags to me


Agreed! He's not communicating, and then getting jealous because... you have a LIFE? He needs to grow up. You deserve better than that.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I do care, but I don't know if he does. He acts like he cares, sometimes, but sometimes I just feel like I'm some chick he's banging and like I don't matter.
> 
> I don't really feel a connection with the other dudes I've been chatting with for a while (Alpha guy is aggressive, Goth guy is sensitive, Engineer guy wants to date me, Party guy wants a FWB, there are others) except maybe a desire to have sex because they're attractive and I'm feeling rejected, and maybe it's shady that I'm flirting with other dudes in the first place, but I thought it was harmless.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I wish I understood what happened. He didn't explain why he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I assume he just got bored or was annoyed or met someone else, but he didn't say that. We had an emotional night (not bad, just intense; he was talking about where things would be with us in four months) and I left before he was awake (something came up), but didn't explain what it was; he ignored me for a few days and then texted me to hook up, but I wasn't around; we text flirted the next day. I went out of town to a concert and came back and told him so; a couple days later, I told him I missed his body and asked him if he wanted to hook up on the weekend. He blew me off. I figured that maybe my text might have seemed needy or clingy or he was just bored with me (I don't see how this is possible bc I'm adventurous in bed). He's stressed about a bunch of things, too, and I didn't want to be demanding so I didn't ask him to explain, just accepted it (I said ok and that if he changed his mind, I'd be around). He was polite and so was I. I don't want to be all drama. I am, however, confused and sad.
> 
> Two of my friends said that my recent actions made me seem insensitive and like I'm just using him for sex when I'm in the mood, but not caring about his needs and that I seem very detached. I'm afraid of being clingy, though (bc I like him), and so I've been very casual about things for months (we've been hooking up for like seven months). I feel like I've upset him (he seems moody and miffed), but I don't know what I did (why would he blow me off instead of telling me if he was mad at me?). They think I should at least ask him if I've done something to upset him or at least ask why he's blowing me off and are urging me to do so. I just think that it would be annoying if I did, so I'm hoping he will change his mind and text me.



Ahh , l think his annoyed when first you disappeared and hoping you stayed . And then over the next few days or over however long it was, through one reason or another , a couple of times , you two still didn't manage to get back together so he's more annoyed.
Add all his stuff going on , l go with [email protected] you haven't been around. But not bc his a brat , because he may want more and especially right now- what's wrong with that !

The trying not to be clingy thing would make all that seem to him even more so.
Poss' he might even want a proper relationship not the cas' sex bs. 
Your friends might just be pretty close to the mark maybe.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Ahh , l think his annoyed when first you disappeared and hoping you stayed . And then over the next few days or over however long it was, through one reason or another , a couple of times , you two still didn't manage to get back together so he's more annoyed.
> Add all his stuff going on , l go with [email protected] you haven't been around. But not bc his a brat , because he may want more and especially right now- what's wrong with that !
> 
> The trying not to be clingy thing would make all that seem to him even more so.
> Poss' he might even want a proper relationship not the cas' sex bs.
> Your friends might just be pretty close to the mark maybe.


I think Hawk has nailed it, Moxy.


----------



## ne9907

Ugh... so no AC in the office in 102 degrees weather, I am hanging over a bit...have to drive 2 hours after work...my stomach is queasy... and I did not find the moon last night!

Still, I would like to be someone's kind of rain 

Can you tell I am a bit bored?


----------



## moxy

Based on what you guys have said, I think I should stop being a scaredy-cat who is afraid of looking foolish and just ask if I did something to upset him or if he's just plain not feelin' it anymore. I'm going to add that I'm not trying to convince him to hang out if he doesn't want to, that if it's my fault I'd like to try fix it, but that I totally understand if he's just feeling like things have run their course. Either he will ignore me or tell me he's really not interested at all (in which case, I can move on) or it will be an opportunity to communicate about a problem and overcome it. I'm so nervous I want to pass out. Why is it that when you care about someone, everything feels like such a big deal? I'm prepared to handle either outcome. 

I've realized something. These kinds of issues weren't there for me before exh. Before exh, I took a risk if I felt it was worthwhile and I didn't worry about whether or not the communication was a problem; committing myself to something regardless of the outcome was easy. Now, I have this fear deep down inside that no one really means what they say anyway and so I am afraid to let guards down to take a risk. I don't mind if it was nothing but sex for him and now he's bored -- that's something I could accept -- but, what I don't want is to do something wrong and then just not even bother trying to make it right. Either way, I will get some kind of an answer and I can feel confident that I made an effort to be a decent person. I learned how to keep things to myself while tip-toeing around exh's moods and those bad habits need to be unlearned. And, these mangled communication lines that I'm noticing are something I really need to think about and work on.

Deep breath.

I'll let y'all know what happens.

Edit: sorry about the crummy paragraph structure; my thoughts are all jumbled right now.


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys, turns out miss butterfly is young... like, too young; 20... TWENTY... I'm nearing 30. Not only that but I think she was a little put off with my daughter (or shocked? I don't know - she thought I was younger too). She did text me after the date even though I made it short and sweet (as the vibe wasn't good enough IMO to warrant an extension) but I may not take her out again.

Been msging FWB all night after the date who's been teasing me all day about my crush, got an insensitive "lol" from her SMSing in the process when I told her about it. Regardless I need to make a decision on how to move forward with this mess.



unsure78 said:


> Problems problems RD...sounds like you might have some feelings for FWB


What? No way, she's just a good friend who I've been sleeping with for a good enough time enough to miss her.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Been msging FWB all night after the date who's been teasing me all day about my crush, got an insensitive "lol" from her SMSing in the process when I told her about it. Regardless I need to make a decision on how to move forward with this mess.
> 
> What? No way, she's just a good friend who I've been sleeping with for a good enough time enough to miss her.


Age differences do present complications; it's almost like navigating between different cultures. You have some experience with that, so take heart. However, her reaction to your state of parenthood is less than ideal. 

Well, you talked about it with FWB (the emotionally safer, less risky option), and so you're not being dishonest with her or anything. Just let her know that you tried dating someone else and it wasn't what you wanted it to be, but that you still like the casual arrangement you do have with her (FWB) and hope she will be willing to continue. Of course, her feelings may be hurt, but, she is an adult who knows what she is getting into because you're being clear about your intentions.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, turns out miss butterfly is young... like, too young; 20... TWENTY... I'm nearing 30. Not only that but I think she was a little put off with my daughter (or shocked? I don't know - she thought I was younger too). She did text me after the date even though I made it short and sweet (as the vibe wasn't good enough IMO to warrant an extension) but I may not take her out again.
> 
> Been msging FWB all night after the date who's been teasing me all day about my crush, got an insensitive "lol" from her SMSing in the process when I told her about it. Regardless I need to make a decision on how to move forward with this mess.
> 
> What? No way, she's just a good friend who I've been sleeping with for a good enough time enough to miss her.


Well, now you know... and you had started to build it up in your hear a little bit. If you had waited, it would have built up even more.

So now you know, and it sounds like you've got it out of your system.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Yes, Guy 1 is the same as S. I think he was upset because he saw me hanging with friends and some were dudes. I introduced everyone though and said they are my friends of forever. He just seemed so cold and left so fast.


Perhaps he's insecure about things or unsure how to consider you in a social context because you guys don't know each other too well yet. The more you hang out around other people and the more he gets to know you, the less insecure he is likely to be, I think. 



Jellybeans said:


> Also, he hadn't reached out to me at all yesterday and the two days prior I had reached out to him. All he said the last time was he was getting ready for bed. Nothign else. Just makes me feel weird that he can spend time with me a lot on a weekend but during the week I rarely hear from him. I was a bunch of nerves. Hate that feeling.


I hate that feeling, too. That uncertainty that colors everything.

He may just not be a big texter. Or, maybe he's just guarded and prefers to communicate with you in person. Some people are not great about texting (I'm terrible about it, myself). However, if these differing communication styles are likely to be a problem for you or you don't really want to work through them, then it's worth taking them into consideration while you figure out how to respond to him.



Jellybeans said:


> I like the Tindr guy but feel weird right now due to all the above. I probably would not be good at multi-dating. Tindr guy seemed really sweet though and kind. I know everyone is always cool on the first outing though. Gosh I am jaded.


It's hard to figure out how you feel about someone new when you're trying to sort through your feelings about someone else.

Why do you think you'd be bad at multi-dating? Do you commit easily or get invested in one situation substantially most of the time?

Can you just sort of hang out with Tindr guy and see where things happen without thinking about it as "dating" to ease the pressure and figure out whether you think there might be some compatibility? Or, does that feel uncomfortable to you?

I'm glad to hear that you're dating!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Age differences do present complications; it's almost like navigating between different cultures. You have some experience with that, so take heart. However, her reaction to your state of parenthood is less than ideal.


Especially between 20 and 30. That's a big difference. Less so than 35 and 45.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Age differences do present complications; it's almost like navigating between different cultures. You have some experience with that, so take heart. However, her reaction to your state of parenthood is less than ideal.





FeministInPink said:


> Especially between 20 and 30. That's a big difference. Less so than 35 and 45.


Aye, looks like we got the odds stacked against us; age difference, ethnic difference, financial difference. Meh, a pity. Good thing I didn't get my hopes too high. If younger sure, the challenge adds to the appeal (like with ex; ethnic/religious difference), but nowadays I seriously just can't be fked.



> Well, you talked about it with FWB (the emotionally safer, less risky option), and so you're not being dishonest with her or anything. Just let her know that you tried dating someone else and it wasn't what you wanted it to be, but that you still like the casual arrangement you do have with her (FWB) and hope she will be willing to continue. Of course, her feelings may be hurt, but, she is an adult who knows what she is getting into because you're being clear about your intentions.


Ey? Over the phone? Nah I plan to seduce her all over again next week  Halves the chances of her saying "What? I'm your rebound? FK OFF"  Hehe



FeministInPink said:


> Well, now you know... and you had started to build it up in your hear a little bit. If you had waited, it would have built up even more.
> 
> So now you know, and it sounds like you've got it out of your system.


Aye, no more dating for me for another six months or more! Itch has been scratched, now just to repair what I damaged with FWB >.<


----------



## RandomDude

Gotta hand it to her though, she does seem to be able to act more mature than most 20-yr olds I know, of whom while conversing with them makes me lose a few IQ points each time. Just a shame really, she's absolutely stunning too, prime of her life I guess.

Meh, this wasn't worth risking relations with FWB for, but emotions... butterflies... they make people do stupid things, like trying to win a lottery. Nah fk it. I had enough. Considering her reaction to my daughter can only imagine her reaction to me being seperated not divorce.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Aye, looks like we got the odds stacked against us; age difference, ethnic difference, financial difference. Meh, a pity. Good thing I didn't get my hopes too high. If younger sure, the challenge adds to the appeal (like with ex; ethnic/religious difference), but nowadays I seriously just can't be fked.
> 
> 
> 
> Ey? Over the phone? Nah I plan to seduce her all over again next week  Halves the chances of her saying "What? I'm your rebound? FK OFF"  Hehe
> 
> 
> 
> Aye, no more dating for me for another six months or more! Itch has been scratched, now just to repair what I damaged with FWB >.<


Listen, RD, I don't think you've messed up the FWB thing. 

I had a FWB all throughout college. That doesn't mean he was the only guy slept with in college; far from it. We agreed that we were both free to date other people, and if there was someone that I really liked, or someone that he really liked, FWB was suspended indefinitely. We both had other relationships, and when one of us was in a relationship, we understood that FWB was off-limits, and we both respected that. But when we were both single, we fell back into it.

(This did end up causing some problems for him, as some of his girlfriends were jealous/felt threatened by me. Which was ridiculous, because I didn't have any designs on him.)

It was very easy, and that supposed to be the beauty of FWB, that it's easy. Yours sounds like its getting complicated.

Then again, we were also FRIENDS. We were capable of hanging together in a platonic, non-sexual way, and did frequently, and we had a shared circle of friends. They knew our rules. They didn't like them (especially our female friends, who thought he was taking advantage of me), but they accepted it and left them alone.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, I'm probably just worried about it because I know how hard it was to finally find a good FWB jumping from one woman to the next. Not going to wait another six months just to find another good FWB like what I have.

I don't know if FWB and I are getting complicated though she did admit her jealousy for whatever that means.


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Gotta hand it to her though, she does seem to be able to act more mature than most 20-yr olds I know, of whom while conversing with them makes me lose a few IQ points each time.


Exactly. The only time I'm around people that young is when I am teaching them, and many many of them are dumb. I mean really dumb sometimes. I had one student who failed his examine so I gave him another shot and told him I;d give him the exact same exam and he had a week to study the answers. He failed it the second time. Idiot. Had similar situations with a few of the females. 

Had one student plagiarize a paper, from a website that I run! Stupid! But he knew what I was looking for...

No way I would go with anybody younger than say thirty (I'm 39). In general, I hang with older people than myself anyhow. 

It sometimes helps me to remember what an idiot I have been, especially at the end of the teenage beginning of the 20s years.


----------



## RandomDude

Haha aye, oh well, I'll give her a call this weekend or next week and let her know my decision and wish her well.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, turns out miss butterfly is young... like, too young; 20... TWENTY... I'm nearing 30. Not only that but I think she was a little put off with my daughter (or shocked? I don't know - she thought I was younger too). She did text me after the date even though I made it short and sweet (as the vibe wasn't good enough IMO to warrant an extension) but I may not take her out again.
> 
> Been msging FWB all night after the date who's been teasing me all day about my crush, got an insensitive "lol" from her SMSing in the process when I told her about it. Regardless I need to make a decision on how to move forward with this mess.
> 
> 
> 
> What? No way, she's just a good friend who I've been sleeping with for a good enough time enough to miss her.



At least you found out .
But yeah, no way you could put yourself in the hands of a 20yr old after everything you've been through. Not for anything serious and then add the differences .


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, worlds apart 

Oh well, there goes my love story for the month. But as you said, the voices have been silenced. The annoying, pestering voices teasing me "what if" "what if"... BAH!

Now the voices are sitting in a corner snickering "Hehe, dumbass got owned" BAH! If I could corner my butterfly-emotions and bloody them into a pulp I would.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Aye, worlds apart
> 
> Oh well, there goes my love story for the month. But as you said, the voices have been silenced. The annoying, pestering voices teasing me "what if" "what if"... BAH!
> 
> Now the voices are sitting in a corner snickering "Hehe, dumbass got owned" BAH! If I could corner my butterfly-emotions and bloody them into a pulp I would.



Yeah but hey you worked it out , if you didn't do that it would just go on driving you crazy .


----------



## RandomDude

True but meh I'm alright, sun is finally up from the cold and cloudy morning so it's a good sign.

I can see clearly now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FscIgtDJFXg

Gonna take my daughter out and have a good weekend while forgeting about this mess, I'll deal with it on Monday


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Ah, all is right with the world. I go away for two weeks and nothing changes.


----------



## movealong

I had a really nice date last night with Eclectic. Very beautiful face, but now I understand why she only had face and upper body pictures. When they put "a few extra pounds" on their profile it really should be more specific. Don't get me wrong, i didn't mind, but looking at the profile and then seeing her in person was quite a shock. I think I did pretty well hiding it and we had a very nice time. A nice enough time that I wouldn't mind going on a second date. She was intelligent, could hold a conversation, and was very sure of herself...though that seemed like it could be a facade as well.

I have been chatting with four other ladies, three from match and one from zoosk. The three from match are very promising, and the one from zoosk is just a little bit out of my range for driving to meet.

One of the ladies from match seems to be "just right", but is so far away as to make it difficult to date, and she is the one that is 10 years younger. The other one looks like a lot of fun, and I am going to ask her out this week. The last one from match just emailed me last night and I was really taken by her emails, profile, and pictures. I am definitely going to follow up.

Now, off to yard work!


----------



## muskrat

Sounds like the dating world has been treating you well Movealong.
That doesn't seem to be the case for most of us here.


----------



## movealong

muskrat said:


> Sounds like the dating world has been treating you well Movealong.
> That doesn't seem to be the case for most of us here.


Well, I have two major cities and the outlying areas, as well as the ones that live close to the border of the next state, that seem to have a lot of people looking to find someone. It also helps that I had some good advice from the people here about the online dating etiquette. No d*ck pics, and a good initial email seems to help! :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

Curious movealong: how long you been clean? You've talked with your sponsor about dating and relationships and sobriety?


----------



## muskrat

movealong said:


> Well, I have two major cities and the outlying areas, as well as the ones that live close to the border of the next state, that seem to have a lot of people looking to find someone. It also helps that I had some good advice from the people here about the online dating etiquette. No d*ck pics, and a good initial email seems to help! :rofl:


Just one more piece of advice about online dating. Don't ever get your hopes up about someone you're talking too. No matter how much it seems you are a good match. Remember she is talking to many other men besides you and more than a few will flake out before you ever get to see if you are a match in person. It's not the end of the world, just avoid the emotional roller coaster of getting excited about someone and then having them disappear. 
To be fair, both sexes are guilty of this. The point is lead with your mind, not your heart.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l must admit, l'm very disheartened and it's mostly about that exact description move gave of that moment l now call - " the oh no " 
l've found that the single biggest thing, l really hate it. 
The thing is, we all are what we are and that's all cool. There's someone for everyone it doesn't matter who we are and everyone has different tastes. But l just find picking my personal taste on a profile page well , it hasn't been too successful, at all . Let down after let down.
Some people here seem to have a much better run.
l'm actually beginning to worry about my latest now because l noticed she looks totally different and much much younger in my fav pic than the others.
Well my cars in the shop next week and she's a hr away. Gonna cost me a heap for the day to go down and meet her hiring cars and stuff.
What if the second l get there , just like all the rest - oh no .

The only thing that gives me some belief is that l met my ex in a singles club. And for 6mths , every girl l went to meet it was just such a waste of time. One after the other and some were miles away
But just about to quit = and along came ex. Even ex was 80mins away but eh , it was worth every mile .
So you never can tell.


----------



## Arendt

I dont know man...reading your story and watching movealong and the women here with online dating, it seems really exhausting and teenager-world like to me. Not calling you a teenager, but the online dating thing just seems like some kind of throw back to high school with the boys looking at the pretty girls and mustering up courage to say hi, and the fretting over this and that detail. Lord help me! I don't think I got the patience for it. I'm good on my own. Lived on my own now for a year and a half and maybe I'm just used to it and have gone wild...but I cannot see online dating as beneficial to my mental health as presented here. An ego boost here and there but it sounds like a lot of work to get that. And I can get that in so many other ways if I need it without all the drama in my head etc.

So is there any payout? Why not let the cards fall where they may, get comfortable with single life and if you happen to meet a wonderful woman in life take it that way? And if not, being single is not too bad. Sex is the main thing I guess, but hell, lets be honest, I'd rather take care of that myself than deal with some woman dating 5 other guys who can't stand her own shadow in that lonely apartment she's had since divorce.


----------



## unsure78

Arendt said:


> I dont know man...reading your story and watching movealong and the women here with online dating, it seems really exhausting and teenager-world like to me. Not calling you a teenager, but the online dating thing just seems like some kind of throw back to high school with the boys looking at the pretty girls and mustering up courage to say hi, and the fretting over this and that detail. Lord help me! I don't think I got the patience for it. I'm good on my own. Lived on my own now for a year and a half and maybe I'm just used to it and have gone wild...but I cannot see online dating as beneficial to my mental health as presented here. An ego boost here and there but it sounds like a lot of work to get that. And I can get that in so many other ways if I need it without all the drama in my head etc.
> 
> So is there any payout? Why not let the cards fall where they may, get comfortable with single life and if you happen to meet a wonderful woman in life take it that way? And if not, being single is not too bad. Sex is the main thing I guess, but hell, lets be honest, I'd rather take care of that myself than deal with some woman dating 5 other guys who can't stand her own shadow in that lonely apartment she's had since divorce.


Online dating is much like anything in life its what you make of it... I have actually been fairly successful in online dating since my D, 2+, years ago.... vast majority of the men I went on dates with were nice dates, just may not have been the one for me or vice versa. I only have maybe 2 stand out first dates that i was like WTF??(though I did get some crazy emails occasionally, but im amused by them and just dont answer it) But I enjoy meeting people on first dates and hearing their stories, and I keep the attitude of no expectations for a while...

Online dating is not the only way I met people but it was the easiest and im my case, most successful. ...

But to each their own...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Arendt said:


> I dont know man...reading your story and watching movealong and the women here with online dating, it seems really exhausting and teenager-world like to me. Not calling you a teenager, but the online dating thing just seems like some kind of throw back to high school with the boys looking at the pretty girls and mustering up courage to say hi, and the fretting over this and that detail. Lord help me! I don't think I got the patience for it. I'm good on my own. Lived on my own now for a year and a half and maybe I'm just used to it and have gone wild...but I cannot see online dating as beneficial to my mental health as presented here. An ego boost here and there but it sounds like a lot of work to get that. And I can get that in so many other ways if I need it without all the drama in my head etc.
> 
> So is there any payout? Why not let the cards fall where they may, get comfortable with single life and if you happen to meet a wonderful woman in life take it that way? And if not, being single is not too bad. Sex is the main thing I guess, but hell, lets be honest, I'd rather take care of that myself than deal with some woman dating 5 other guys who can't stand her own shadow in that lonely apartment she's had since divorce.


If you are happy with where you are, great. Some people such as myself enjoy companionship and would like to have a special someone to share their life with. None of us will ever meet that special someone without putting ourselves out there. In my case, I live in a small town and work alone. Online is just an extra option, hoping the stars will align and I will find that lady I am looking for. Having said all that, the online thing can be very frustrating and it does have plenty of pitfalls.


----------



## Arendt

I enjoy companionship for sure. 

I get the small town thing too. I'm a city boy: megapolis boy more like it as I've lived much of my life in the two largest cities in America. I cannot wait to move away from where I am now which is only about 50,000 people. Seems really small and small minded to me here. Next week!!!!


----------



## movealong

Arendt said:


> Curious movealong: how long you been clean? You've talked with your sponsor about dating and relationships and sobriety?


I have been sober 17 months. It is a good feeling not to have to go out for drinks and wonder if I am going to have one too many. I've talked with my first sponsor and my current sponsor, as well as several of the guys in our men's group to make sure I am keeping a level head, and making sure that if I need to I can call one of them.

Damnedest thing though, the other day I was up visiting my mother. I was telling her about the dates and this and that, and I mentioned how nice it was not to worry about having a drink. She said "Oh, one of the days you'll be able to have a couple of drinks and not worry about it." :scratchhead: I just smiled, and said, "You may be right, but it is not a chance I am willing to take."

The way I see it, one of these days I will meet someone that is right. If she drinks, fine, if she doesn't fine. My sobriety depends on my spiritual condition. And I really do not see me giving up my relationship with my Higher Power, nor with my daughter, so I can try to have a drink.


----------



## Arendt

Yeah you are far enough along that it probably won't throw you off the edge. A year is what people usually recommend before any kind of new relationship. 

Man I was at a meeting one time and there were these probates there and the topic was sex...and this woman started talking about how she was a "freak in bed" and all this stuff...she was overtly trying to pick up guys at the meeting. I thought it was funny, in a sick twisted terrible sort of way.


----------



## moxy

So, I messaged Guy. He replied. Seems like he was a bit miffed with me and felt like I was blowing him off and not really invested in his pleasure (that's not my fault; he should've asked for xyz thing because I'm okay with it). Anyway, we talked a little about what he wanted and what I wanted and that was good. Not the big emotional stuff, though. We got together last night, but, man...he made me work for it. We had fun. He was really open and communicated a lot last night; not sure what will happen when he goes overseas in a few months. If I'm honest, we don't have the kind of connection it takes to survive distance, though, one never knows. This morning, he was moody; he may not be good at mornings, but I usually bolt before then, so I'm not a good judge of whether his subdued mood is normal or means he's thinking about other stuff. Sex without love is exciting and fun, but it sometimes feels hollow. I like him, but, I can't call it love, not really. I wonder if I'm willing myself to feel love just because I kinda want it to be there. We do enjoy each other's company; the sex is good; the communication sucks, but it doesn't feel awkward when we are together and we are working on talking about stuff. We talked about actually going out sometime soon, when I have some downtime from work in a couple of weeks and he was very enthusiastic about it. I dunno. I'm glad we've reconnected, but...given my sadness at our break and what that says about my feelings, I wish he's been as affectionate and attentive this morning as he was last night. He gets upset about stuff that I wouldn't even think would upset him; maybe I'm insensitive because I'm afraid to let my guard down.

I realized that I've got issues with vulnerability left over from exh. Also, when exh and I got along, he made me feel like a goddess (the other side of his mood was equally extreme, though) and that makes less whirlwind, more slow-paced relationships feel less substantive. I find myself wanting those highs without those lows. I need to work on my expectations.

Dating is complicated.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> If you are happy with where you are, great. Some people such as myself enjoy companionship and would like to have a special someone to share their life with. None of us will ever meet that special someone without putting ourselves out there. In my case, I live in a small town and work alone. Online is just an extra option, hoping the stars will align and I will find that lady I am looking for. Having said all that, the online thing can be very frustrating and it does have plenty of pitfalls.


Are you a farmer Rat?
They have a special dating site for farmers only. I was going to join that site because I want a cowboy. However, Ive decided to wait for the "People who believe in Aliens" dating site only 

Btw, I am so not making fun of you. I promise. 
I am too hoping that the stars will align and put me in touch with someone special. I got back on Tinder the other day, I even set up a date but I woke up on the day of the date and I thought... why? So deleted Tinder again.
I am content at the moment with blue eyes, even though the time we spend together is minimal (once a week).


----------



## moxy

I wish there were a guidebook for the morning after. I'm trying to be less of a ho by not slipping out under cover of darkness, but everything is weird when the sun comes up. :/

I stayed till Guy was awake. He dropped no hints that he wanted me to leave and when I asked him if he had plans for the day, he said he didn't. However, he wasn't really initiating much conversation, wasn't trying for morning sex (drats), didn't say anything about maybe getting some coffee, and was hugging me but didn't want to kiss. I'd been awake, but just lying there thinking for three hours while he'd been asleep, so I was alert but he was groggy. He turned on the TV and put an arm around me (my head on his chest) and flipped through Facebook and stuff on his phone (in full view of my gaze, not hidden). I couldn't tell what he wanted. I didn't want to overstay, so I made an excuse about going off to do some work and left about half an hour after. I'm assuming that if he wanted me to stick around, he'd have said something, but maybe not. Of course, I am trying to make up for being too distant and detached before, but the other extreme might also be annoying. He did tell me that I've never annoyed him (I asked in our convo yesterday). 

I don't know what the right balance of presence and absence is. :/ Was I appropriate in my actions? Or, based on the etiquette of this stuff, was I expected to do something else? How do you all determine what to do in the morning in such ambiguous circumstances?

It feels so much more like a walk of shame to venture out in smeared makeup and last night's dress in the glare of daylight than at dawn.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I wish there were a guidebook for the morning after. I'm trying to be less of a ho by not slipping out under cover of darkness, but everything is weird when the sun comes up. :/
> 
> I stayed till Guy was awake. He dropped no hints that he wanted me to leave and when I asked him if he had plans for the day, he said he didn't. However, he wasn't really initiating much conversation, wasn't trying for morning sex (drats), didn't say anything about maybe getting some coffee, and was hugging me but didn't want to kiss. I'd been awake, but just lying there thinking for three hours while he'd been asleep, so I was alert but he was groggy. He turned on the TV and put an arm around me (my head on his chest) and flipped through Facebook and stuff on his phone (in full view of my gaze, not hidden). I couldn't tell what he wanted. I didn't want to overstay, so I made an excuse about going off to do some work and left about half an hour after. I'm assuming that if he wanted me to stick around, he'd have said something, but maybe not. Of course, I am trying to make up for being too distant and detached before, but the other extreme might also be annoying. He did tell me that I've never annoyed him (I asked in our convo yesterday).
> 
> I don't know what the right balance of presence and absence is. :/ Was I appropriate in my actions? Or, based on the etiquette of this stuff, was I expected to do something else? How do you all determine what to do in the morning in such ambiguous circumstances?
> 
> It feels so much more like a walk of shame to venture out in smeared makeup and last night's dress in the glare of daylight than at dawn.


I am glad that you are back with Guy. I think your case is a bit different because you do have feelings for this man, and are overthinking everything. Let it go, have fun. Maybe next time you stay over, suggest some breakfast or a watch a movie together. I really don't know how to act because I have never been in such a situation recently.

I bet you have a goofy smile on your face


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> I dont know man...reading your story and watching movealong and the women here with online dating, it seems really exhausting and teenager-world like to me. Not calling you a teenager, but the online dating thing just seems like some kind of throw back to high school with the boys looking at the pretty girls and mustering up courage to say hi, and the fretting over this and that detail. Lord help me! I don't think I got the patience for it. I'm good on my own. Lived on my own now for a year and a half and maybe I'm just used to it and have gone wild...but I cannot see online dating as beneficial to my mental health as presented here. An ego boost here and there but it sounds like a lot of work to get that. And I can get that in so many other ways if I need it without all the drama in my head etc.
> 
> So is there any payout? Why not let the cards fall where they may, get comfortable with single life and if you happen to meet a wonderful woman in life take it that way? And if not, being single is not too bad. Sex is the main thing I guess, but hell, lets be honest, I'd rather take care of that myself than deal with some woman dating 5 other guys who can't stand her own shadow in that lonely apartment she's had since divorce.



Yeah wise man l think. That would be my choice to and l've been living alone 18mths apart from my d coming and going to. lt is kinda nice , still weird after having a family but it can be nice.
The date site stuff can be like you say though and sometimes l do just think , this is fkg ridiculous. But you know , my ex , and there is a few of us here that have met our ex's or present gf or bf online , makes you think.
Ha , probably not even bothering l would just naturally bump into someone somewhere like l use to anyway. l have a couple of times already actually and it is soooo different , natural, nice. You realize in that RL first few seconds of when you first see someone, each other, out in the RW, that instant, says everything that ends up taking wks of fkg around on date sites. You both know in that instant if it's a yea or neigh. But if it doesn't work out at least you both started of with the right stuff from that first few seconds but you miss all that online.

Trouble is , l don't have much going on around my area and l work on my own from home to ,then there was ex, never know l guess. And l have at least met heaps of new women.
But l still get out and about as much as l can to so that one is always open.


----------



## whitehawk

Must admit though to , l have met some really nice girls . Some it's been a pleasure to talk and hear their stories, meet them , like unsure was saying .
So l suppose it hasn't been a total waste.
lt's just that none of them have been what l'd go for , l find out when l get there  . l hate that first second and it can be damn awkward. l'm not that good at hiding the disappointment or sometimes it's literally a shock. l feel bad to because they might have had hopes .


----------



## RandomDude

Ey?

Meh, most women bore me to tears. But not because they are boring I don't think, most likely because they just don't share my 'wavelength' in terms of insanity. 

It's weird sometimes though when I reflect, especially as my ex picked up my daughter this morning for church - remembering the small, small portion of my life when I could actually say I once loved somebody - that she did indeed share my insanity in her own way.

Yet at the same time I doubt I can handle this insanity anymore when it comes to the stability of married life having lived with its horrors. Single life + FWB for me. Tis best.


----------



## whitehawk

Yep that insanity, is something like the second biggest issue / problem l've been having.
Ex and me , basically we were like a couple of happy little 15yr olds. l mean we did huge stuff in our life and tackled [email protected] most grown ups haha, would never have the guts to take on. So not like that but in the way we talked, our looseness, laughed, lived, music , we partied , like partied , everything . But most couples around us were just like , jaw dropped. Soooo serious, boring, so much older, everything about them.
We only had one couple , our best friends. They were very successful people to but at the same time, they were just like us, they left the [email protected] at the door type of thing. And when they turned up no one slept for days on end and we'd all end up literally exhausted.
So one of the biggest things l'm finding now with the women l meet , is that they're all like our other friends and other couples , l mean l guess that's about typical . 
So l know your meant to accept it'll be someone completely new and a totally different thing , but l need it the way we were , l couldn't live typical.


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, need more than simple plastic. Unfortunately with the way it goes, the insanity tends to be a rollercoaster ride, which Moxy briefly touched on as well in terms of desiring the highs without the lows. Meh


----------



## whitehawk

Beach house , at least she gave me some hope , we were two peas in a pod .
Shame she just couldn't find the nerve to give it a go after her own stuff but at least l found out there is one more out there, and had a fkg lot of fun doing it :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

With my work l often have to run an RV cross state or intestate to a customer.
Go through lots of towns and places and have a few really nice encounters here and there.

One day l was starving and came across this tiny little road house , it was out in the middle of nowhere , miles from anywhere, just like a movie.
Walk in and low and behold is the cutest thing ever behind the counter.
We got talking and kidding round and l said , l spose your married right . Um yep , right 
Luckily l didn't just say the first thing l thought like , jump in the car l'm taking you home :rofl:


----------



## moxy

WH, I'm sorry she wasn't available. Someone else will be, though, when the stars align.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> WH, I'm sorry she wasn't available. Someone else will be, though, when the stars align.


Okay!! So this made me laugh a bit!! Here is the backstory

On our second date, blue eyes and I went to the beach. He built a fire, we sat on a blanket, drank some wine, and talked about life. I told him that I would much rather wait for all the stars to align and the universe to send me a sign before jumping into anything. 
His response was "**** that! I will make it happen"

So there!!! WH, do wait for the stars to align but help them a bit


----------



## moxy

Ne, what a romantic moment. That's pretty cool.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Okay!! So this made me laugh a bit!! Here is the backstory
> 
> On our second date, blue eyes and I went to the beach. He built a fire, we sat on a blanket, drank some wine, and talked about life. I told him that I would much rather wait for all the stars to align and the universe to send me a sign before jumping into anything.
> His response was "**** that! I will make it happen"
> 
> So there!!! WH, do wait for the stars to align but help them a bit


No worries will do ne. And hey what a cool second date .
Sorta suggested something like that to RD yesterday when he was stuck but then l thought nah and deleted it :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

Mate... she's TWENTY

Probably one of the hottest ladies I've ever dated in my life but meh. I also don't FWBise women that I have/had butterflies for

Thanks for reminding me though, I haven't contacted her since her text


----------



## whitehawk

l'm suppose to meet up with my new one wed but l'm having second thoughts. She sent me more pics, she looks totally different, l'm feeling a bit iffy.
And if we wanna hook up this wk l'll have to hire a car and drive down the coast to her town. lt'll cost a heap and take all day all up , lot of trouble for iffy .
Think l might stall until my cars back , cruise down the following wk "if" l still feel like it .
This pic stuff is such bs .


----------



## RandomDude

And tis also why I always say... go offline! 

And why hire?


----------



## muskrat

I agree this online stuff is a lot of BS. I was emailing with a lady, we seemed to really be hitting it off. I asked if she would like to go offline, she sent me her number. We ended up texting back and forth all night (fri). So last night we were texting again, I asked if she would like to talk. She says she would love to talk. I call, no answer and no more texts. I guess she just ghosted me? I just don't get the I want to talk text if you're not interested. She also updated her online profile last night (before the texts) and added some new pics. 
I guess she wasn't that interested after all if she was updating her profile while we were texting. What a bunch of mixed signals.
Unless she passed out (it was late and she was at an amusement park with her daughter all day) or her phone just froze up ( it has happened to me) this was incredibly rude of her. I am about to give up on the whole dating thing. Women complain about men playing games, but every women I cross paths with is playing a game. I'm just sick of all the BS.


----------



## whitehawk

l dunno, doesn't make sense. She had a big day and then all the text , she could've fallen asleep or had trouble with her kids.
The pics might've been for you to. Maybe just give her a few days first.


----------



## muskrat

She just texted me. Says she fell asleep.
At any rate this stuff is frustrating.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah makes sense. One of mine was a nurse and she was always falling asleep , crazy hours.
She'll probably bring the pic thing up .


----------



## ne9907

As newly singles, do you remain friends with past lovers if things ended amicably?

Backstory, I have a great army buddy who is terminal. He has been battling cancer for the past 8 years. He was never my lover, just a great friend. I knew nothing about his medical troubles until yesterday. I felt awful because he was part of our "click" and felt I should have known. 

Now, I am thinking about blue eyes. I feel he is a decent person, and could be a loyal friend. What we have has an expiration date, but I would like to remain friends with him.

Would it be awkward to voice this to him? I have decided I will ask him to remain friends. 
What do you all think?


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> As newly singles, do you remain friends with past lovers if things ended amicably?


Depending on the date (if she's part of my social circle or not)

For total strangers; In theory yes, in practice no;
Kinda goes like this: "Yay we're friends!" *never see each other again*

Kinda thing...


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> As newly singles, do you remain friends with past lovers if things ended amicably?
> 
> Backstory, I have a great army buddy who is terminal. He has been battling cancer for the past 8 years. He was never my lover, just a great friend. I knew nothing about his medical troubles until yesterday. I felt awful because he was part of our "click" and felt I should have known.
> 
> Now, I am thinking about blue eyes. I feel he is a decent person, and could be a loyal friend. What we have has an expiration date, but I would like to remain friends with him.
> 
> Would it be awkward to voice this to him? I have decided I will ask him to remain friends.
> What do you all think?


Depends if the feelings are lopsided...it wont work if one party is still invested, someone will get hurt then

Minimally you need a separation time so feelings can calm down.... personally I wouldn't really want to date someone who is still real friends with an ex, if there was an attraction once it can happen again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brokenman85

muskrat said:


> Women complain about men playing games, but every women I cross paths with is playing a game. I'm just sick of all the BS.


Couldn't of said it any better my friend. Just had the same thing happen to me again. It's already happened numerous times. With the amount of flaky people online, I'm not sure it is worth the time.


----------



## unsure78

Brokenman85 said:


> Couldn't of said it any better my friend. Just had the same thing happen to me again. It's already happened numerous times. With the amount of flaky people online, I'm not sure it is worth the time.


Games are played on both sides.. not just by women or just by men
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Brokenman85

unsure78 said:


> Games are played on both sides.. not just by women or just by men
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's why I said flaky people and not women. Although you don't see men complain about women playing games often, then do it themselves. Not saying that doesn't happen, but woman do this more often...at least the younger ones.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am feeling very flirty lately.


----------



## whitehawk

l must admit , l'm guilty of some of the things the girls complain about , like the good old disappearing act or fading out type thing, not calling for wks , days , texting out of the blue.

l just assume they realize it's pretty flat but maybe sometimes they don't after all, not sure .
Like one a few wks back. We were calling and texting most days for a wk or so , come Monday l just didn't bother getting back to her and have pretty well forgotten about it all.
l mean l enjoyed talking to her but she wasn't my thing , so naturally it's just gonna fade so l thought.
Maybe l should've called her , dunno , all seemed pretty obvious to me.
There's been quite a few l've just let go like that .


----------



## Jellybeans

I hate the disappearing act!


----------



## muskrat

I must admit I pulled some pretty crappy stuff also. I guess being on the receiving end is a good way to learn how not to treat someone.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I am feeling very flirty lately.


Uh oh, somebody's on heat! lol


----------



## whitehawk

Brokenman85 said:


> Couldn't of said it any better my friend. Just had the same thing happen to me again. It's already happened numerous times. With the amount of flaky people online, I'm not sure it is worth the time.



One thing l find very common bc l'm meeting girls in their 40s or so , divorced, separated.
How to put it . like they've put them selves on a date site , often even crap on in their profile about how they're ready to start living again , how they want chemistry , their shopping order for their perfect man yep, see that all the time , some big long list .

But when someone comes along that might even be actually scarily close to their long shot shopping order , they [email protected] themselves and disappear or start being all over the place, making excuses.
They've thought they're ready but then get cold feet . l've had them admit that a few times and talked to a few other guys that have come across it a lot too.

l'm not sure how it goes for guys but it does seem the girls need a good few yrs alone first to work their stuff out or their head may well come back and bite them later.


----------



## RandomDude

muskrat said:


> I must admit I pulled some pretty crappy stuff also. I guess being on the receiving end is a good way to learn how not to treat someone.


Ey? Meh, it's just part of the dating process methinks, it shouldn't happen but it does and as we can't change it, just live with it


----------



## whitehawk

l get bored if it's some pretty flat type thing or just not for me and l just assume it's the same for them so why make a fuss type thing .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I hate the disappearing act!



Now l am feeling guilty , l do it a lot . l'll go outside and crack myself over the head with a brick , bad boy :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

O the text girl is back and has been texting away today. I just can't get a feel for what she thinks of me. To many damn mixed signals. The only thing I can think is that she is cautious and is still trying to decide what she thinks of me herself.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Now l am feeling guilty , l do it a lot . l'll go outside and crack myself over the head with a brick , bad boy :rofl:


I do it too, I admit. Either after a dead end first date, or before the first date.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I must admit I pulled some pretty crappy stuff also. I guess being on the receiving end is a good way to learn how not to treat someone.


I don't mean to do that, but I do that as well. 

I got a haircut today!! Cut about 5 inches of my hair, I was hot, bothered and bored of my hair so I grabbed some scissors and I chopped away!


----------



## BaxJanson

I've got another date lined up next weekend. Turns out this lady's birthday is within a week of mine, so we're going to take in dinner and a movie.

One unusual thing - she lives on the other end of town, and yet was quite adamant that she'd prefer to do something up towards my end of town rather than meeting in the middle. My overactive imagination has proposed several possible interpretations, but then I mentally slap myself and try not to read into it. What will be, will be.


----------



## whitehawk

t might just be all new to her Bax , do she doesn't want any on lookers.
l prefer well away from home.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> O the text girl is back and has been texting away today. I just can't get a feel for what she thinks of me. To many damn mixed signals. The only thing I can think is that she is cautious and is still trying to decide what she thinks of me herself.



Then l reckon those pics could tell the story. Should suss them out bc if they weren't for you then not good .


----------



## whitehawk

l'm not going down the coast to meet my new one this wk , just not feeling it.
Although l do hope we can talk a bit more this wk while my cars in the shop and then maybe if things feel better l'll go down next wk. Um , down the coast that is


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I must admit I pulled some pretty crappy stuff also. I guess being on the receiving end is a good way to learn how not to treat someone.


So true.



RandomDude said:


> Uh oh, somebody's on heat! lol


It's about time!



whitehawk said:


> Now l am feeling guilty , l do it a lot . l'll go outside and crack myself over the head with a brick , bad boy :rofl:


::CRACK:: (This is me cracking you with a brick. 



muskrat said:


> O the text girl is back and has been texting away today. I just can't get a feel for what she thinks of me. To many damn mixed signals. The only thing I can think is that she is cautious and is still trying to decide what she thinks of me herself.


Yeah it could be just that--she is being cautious. 

What happened with the out of state girl you liked a lot?



BaxJanson said:


> One unusual thing - she lives on the other end of town, and yet was quite adamant that she'd prefer to do something up towards my end of town rather than meeting in the middle. My overactive imagination has proposed several possible interpretations, but then I mentally slap myself and try not to read into it. What will be, will be.


Could be that she hangs out on her side a lot and wants to venture somewhere new. Don't overthink it. Go and enjoy.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> As newly singles, do you remain friends with past lovers if things ended amicably?
> 
> Backstory, I have a great army buddy who is terminal. He has been battling cancer for the past 8 years. He was never my lover, just a great friend. I knew nothing about his medical troubles until yesterday. I felt awful because he was part of our "click" and felt I should have known.
> 
> Now, I am thinking about blue eyes. I feel he is a decent person, and could be a loyal friend. What we have has an expiration date, but I would like to remain friends with him.
> 
> Would it be awkward to voice this to him? I have decided I will ask him to remain friends.
> What do you all think?


I do - remain friends, that is. Might send or receive an occasional text or comment on FB, but not a lot of hanging out. I don't see anything wrong with saying that after the FWB scenario has run its course, you'd still like to remain friends. Can't hurt. If he ever has a serious girlfriend, tho, he may need to distance himself.


----------



## Jellybeans

I agree with Enjo.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I do - remain friends, that is. Might send or receive an occasional text or comment on FB, but not a lot of hanging out. I don't see anything wrong with saying that after the FWB scenario has run its course, you'd still like to remain friends. Can't hurt. If he ever has a serious girlfriend, tho, he may need to distance himself.


I've remained on good terms with most of my exes, unless they were a total d-bag (like cheated on me, or something similar). There's only one that I'm really FRIENDS with; we live in the same city, and we don't see each other very often, but if I ever needed anything (like help hiding a body), he would be there in a hot second.

He and I were part of the same group in college. When he and I started dating, his friends welcomed me with open arms. When we broke up (he dumped me), they said that they liked me and they were going to keep me, and they didn't care what he thought. It ended up working out well for all parties involved, even if it was a bit awkward at first.

All the other exes ran in different social circles for the most part, so while we stayed on good terms (although a few of them had to take a little time to let go of the fact that I broke their hearts), there was no reason to be actual friends.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

On another note - anyone ever have an ex lover/FBW/friend of the opposite sex who moved on and that made you jealous?

So best male buddy was sending mixed signals and as you all may remember he is the no french kisser. It was a shame because we were compatible every other way tho I can see that we would pretty quickly become that "old married couple" - comfortable, complacent and boring. Anyway, I told him his flirting was sending mixed messages which he asserted he did with all women and it wasn't meant to lead to anything and since February I haven't heard from him. We had both talked about booking a cruise because neither of us had been and I told him I wouldn't know until the end of March if I could afford it. We would be going just as friends.

I saw on FB a girl wished him Happy Birthday with hugs and kisses (it was a .gif) when I posted HBD. Now I see they went on a cruise together and he posted photos of them on formal night with him in a tux, her in a pretty purple satin dress. 

I'm glad he found someone who is, apparently OK with no kissing and no oral - that has got to be hard (he's been single for 20 years), but I'm jealous he went on the cruise! 

I need to get back on this dating 'horse' - I will be childless for New Year's Eve!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, GUESS WHAT???

My two year, two month dry spell is over. I went on a Tinder date (with a fireman!) last night, and he mussed my hair good 

And he wants to see me again--we have another date planned for Wednesday. He wasn't entirely pleased with his performance, and he wants an opportunity to do better!

The date almost didn't happen because of some mixed messages, and I almost wrote him off completely (I've been stood up by multiple Tinder dates; this is the first one that actually HAPPENED), and I'm glad that I didn't. He's really quite sweet. There are one or two potential red flags that I'll have to watch out for moving forward, but he definitely has potential.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> As newly singles, do you remain friends with past lovers if things ended amicably?
> 
> Backstory, I have a great army buddy who is terminal. He has been battling cancer for the past 8 years. He was never my lover, just a great friend. I knew nothing about his medical troubles until yesterday. I felt awful because he was part of our "click" and felt I should have known.
> 
> Now, I am thinking about blue eyes. I feel he is a decent person, and could be a loyal friend. What we have has an expiration date, but I would like to remain friends with him.
> 
> Would it be awkward to voice this to him? I have decided I will ask him to remain friends.
> What do you all think?


Say what you want to him NE, it is not like you are trying to salvage or build a relationship with him so what does it matter. Be yourself and say what's on your mind just don't be a jerk.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> On another note - anyone ever have an ex lover/FBW/friend of the opposite sex who moved on and that made you jealous?


Yes. especially if it's someone you got on well with. It's normal. You are human. 

You just have to remember: 



EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm glad he found someone who is, apparently OK with *no kissing and no oral *-


That would have never worked for you. So while it sucks to see him with someone else, just remember how you were not compatible in that very important sense. 

New Year's Eve, child-free, huh?  You have some time to meet hot guys and make plans. Woo hoo!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> So, GUESS WHAT???
> 
> My two year, two month dry spell is over. I went on a Tinder date (with a fireman!) last night, and he mussed my hair good
> 
> And he wants to see me again--we have another date planned for Wednesday. He wasn't entirely pleased with his performance, and he wants an opportunity to do better!
> :smthumbup:


Hehe. Nice! Get you some, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl! 

Sexy fireman fantasy. Yeehaw!

Question: is Tinder really only for hooking up? I am getting confused. Some profiles on there say "Not looking to hook up" and yet some people say that's all it's for. The guy I went out with was clearly sexually attracted to me and said things about how cute I am and yada yada, wants to see me again. He was tactile toward the end of the date and I wasn't sure how that made me feel on the first date... Like, does he just want to bang me?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> Yes. especially if it's someone you got on well with. It's normal. You are human.
> 
> You just have to remember:
> 
> That would have never worked for you. So while it sucks to see him with someone else, just remember how you were not compatible in that very important sense.
> 
> New Year's Eve, child-free, huh?  You have some time to meet hot guys and make plans. Woo hoo!


Thanks for that.  I know it's normal and human. I haven't made dating a priority and I have a teen so it's harder for me to meet someone whereas he has no child and goes out to trivia meet-up groups, etc. 

It just seems so not fair that someone who doesn't even like to French kiss can meet someone and I haven't! Of course he HAS been single since his divorce in his 20s so it has taken him a long time. I've only been out there for 10ish years; only actually divorced 8.5. 

But sometimes it's frustrating seeing others with huge obstacles making relationship headway. I was kind of hoping someone would see me at the grocery store and feel compelled to hit on me.  It's really not that easy.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> It just seems so not fair that someone who doesn't even like to French kiss can meet someone and I haven't!


Yeah it does suck. But the thing is, you guys weren't compatible in a very important way. 

Also, on Facebook, FAUXBOOK, a lot of things appear more awesome than they are... Just saying. 

You will meet someone(s). You are bound too. Billions of people on this planet and all that. Your time will come. Probably when you least expect it, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Nice! Get you some, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!


I cannot stop smiling. Seriously. I forgot how good this felt.



Jellybeans said:


> Sexy fireman fantasy. Yeehaw!


JB, he's SUPER hot. I got to have my own real-life sexy fireman fantasy. He wasn't wearing the suit, but he was wearing a fireman t-shirt with his engine number on it 



Jellybeans said:


> Question: is Tinder really only for hooking up? I am getting confused. Some profiles on there say "Not looking to hook up" and yet some people say that's all it's for. The guy I went out with was clearly sexually attracted to me and said things about how cute I am and yada yada, wants to see me again. He was tactile toward the end of the date and I wasn't sure how that made me feel on the first date... Like, does he just want to bang me?


I don't think it's only for hooking up; it really depends on the user. Even the owners/developers don't clearly define it. I'm not necessarily looking for a long-term relationship via Tinder, but I also didn't go into last night assuming that we were going to have sex (but I knew it was a possibility). 

I would certainly be disappointed if this guy just dropped off the face of the planet now, but that's the risk I run. That just as likely might have happened if I DIDN'T sleep with him. But I hope that doesn't happen, because it would be nice to get some nookie on the regular.

And... if he just wanted to bang me, and that was it, I would be OK with that, too, because... that's mostly what I'm interested in. 

If it turns into more, that's cool, but...


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Nice! Get you some, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!
> 
> Sexy fireman fantasy. Yeehaw!
> 
> Question: is Tinder really only for hooking up? I am getting confused. Some profiles on there say "Not looking to hook up" and yet some people say that's all it's for. The guy I went out with was clearly sexually attracted to me and said things about how cute I am and yada yada, wants to see me again. He was tactile toward the end of the date and I wasn't sure how that made me feel on the first date... Like, does he just want to bang me?


What I notice more often then not now me being on the other side is the amount of over thinking that happens during the dating process. Sometimes you have to just simplify it like a business deal.....have your lists of wants and expectations and look at what they are bringing to the table, if they don't match up even without some slight compromises or trades here and there then why bother even thinking about it.....done, next cause it's not a FVCK YES.

You don't owe anyone anything except respect for themselves. Which is another interesting point that I notice a lot in women considering dating and "banging/ramming", they think they owe men sex because of this or that and the worst is men feel they are entitled because this and that...again to much thinking. Women do you want to have sex with him, no ok don't cause he isn't making your lady parts tingly easy enough. Men she doesn't want you get over it and maybe try chewing with your mouth closed and open a door every once in a while next time.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> On another note - anyone ever have an ex lover/FBW/friend of the opposite sex who moved on and that made you jealous?
> 
> So best male buddy was sending mixed signals and as you all may remember he is the no french kisser. It was a shame because we were compatible every other way tho I can see that we would pretty quickly become that "old married couple" - comfortable, complacent and boring. Anyway, I told him his flirting was sending mixed messages which he asserted he did with all women and it wasn't meant to lead to anything and since February I haven't heard from him. We had both talked about booking a cruise because neither of us had been and I told him I wouldn't know until the end of March if I could afford it. We would be going just as friends.
> 
> I saw on FB a girl wished him Happy Birthday with hugs and kisses (it was a .gif) when I posted HBD. Now I see they went on a cruise together and he posted photos of them on formal night with him in a tux, her in a pretty purple satin dress.
> 
> I'm glad he found someone who is, apparently OK with no kissing and no oral - that has got to be hard (he's been single for 20 years), but I'm jealous he went on the cruise!
> 
> I need to get back on this dating 'horse' - I will be childless for New Year's Eve!


Its normal to be jealous.
Ive ben wanting to go on a cruise, we should book one together and meet hot guys!!
Since its my idea, I get dibs on the hottest men!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> You don't owe anyone anything except respect for themselves. Which is another interesting point that I notice a lot in women considering dating and "banging/ramming", they think they owe men sex because of this or that and the worst is men feel they are entitled because this and that...again to much thinking. *Women do you want to have sex with him, no ok don't cause he isn't making your lady parts tingly easy enough.* Men she doesn't want you get over it and maybe try chewing with your mouth closed and open a door every once in a while next time.


He may make my lady parts tingle, but no way I will have sex on the first date.  That does not mean that it wont happen, just not on the first meeting.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I cannot stop smiling. Seriously. I forgot how good this felt.
> 
> JB, he's SUPER hot. I got to have my own real-life sexy fireman fantasy. * He wasn't wearing the suit, but he was wearing a fireman t-shirt with his engine number on it *


This is great! Happy for you! :smthumbup:



Another Planet said:


> have your lists of wants and expectations and look at what they are bringing to the table, if they don't match up even without some slight compromises or trades here and there then why bother even thinking about it.....done, next cause it's not a FVCK YES.
> 
> You don't owe anyone anything except respect for themselves. Which is another interesting point that I notice a lot in women considering dating and "banging/ramming", they think they owe men sex because of this or that and the worst is men feel they are entitled because this and that...again to much thinking. Women do you want to have sex with him, no ok don't cause he isn't making your lady parts tingly easy enough. Men she doesn't want you get over it and maybe try chewing with your mouth closed and open a door every once in a while next time.


What an awesome post. Truly. I like what you said here. And you are right.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah it could be just that--she is being cautious.
> 
> What happened with the out of state girl you liked a lot?


Out of state girl and I parted ways like a month ago. She had way to many red flags.

As for text girl. She sends me pics of her and her daughter and tells me all about her daily activities, but she seems reluctant to actually talk on the phone. I haven't even got to the actual meeting part yet. This is why I'm just not sure what to think. Her texts say she is interested, but her reluctance to progress baffles me. 
I'll just let it ride for a little. I think she is just cautious and doesn't want to rush into anything. Either that or I'm plan B?
Either way I am not putting to much into this. There is another lady I have also been talking too. I am not nearly as intrigued by her though.


----------



## Jellybeans

Have you asked her out? Did you meet her online/dating site?

Parents: do you normally show pics of your kids to your dates? Like, first date/first dates?


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Have you asked her out? Did you meet her online/dating site?
> 
> Parents: do you normally show pics of your kids to your dates? Like, first date/first dates?


I mentioned maybe meeting one night this week. I haven't pushed that issue since I have never even talked to her. We did meet online. After a few emails she gave me her number and we have been texting since. 

I normally do not share pics of my kids, at least until I am comfortable with the person. She was in all the pics she sent me, some happened to also include her daughter.


----------



## muskrat

What is up with all the similar user names? Do some of you have multiple profiles? I have seen a moxysbuddy or something like that and now a jellybeanz with some numbers added.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I mentioned maybe meeting one night this week. I haven't pushed that issue since I have never even talked to her. We did meet online. After a few emails she gave me her number and we have been texting since.
> 
> I normally do not share pics of my kids, at least until I am comfortable with the person. She was in all the pics she sent me, some happened to also include her daughter.


Hmm sounds like she is testing you Rat...in a good way though, like seeing what your next move is so she can make a decision which direction to go. It's all a natural progression you just have to step back for a second and read the signals. The key things that catch my eye is she is pausing the progression, she is showing you pictures of her daughter for a reason. Consistency is the easiest way to read what someone is saying, she is consistently doing something now figure out why...or don't because it is to complicated for you, you decide.
Honestly she is telling you what to do with her actions so don't ignore the signs.


----------



## muskrat

Another Planet said:


> Hmm sounds like she is testing you Rat...in a good way though, like seeing what your next move is so she can make a decision which direction to go. It's all a natural progression you just have to step back for a second and read the signals. The key things that catch my eye is she is pausing the progression, she is showing you pictures of her daughter for a reason. Consistency is the easiest way to read what someone is saying, she is consistently doing something now figure out why...or don't because it is to complicated for you, you decide.


I have thought of that. She may just be being cautious. Trying to figure out if I am really interested in her or just looking to get laid. The daughter thing could be just her way of clearly showing me that she is a package deal. I have no problem with that. Her daughter is 6, mine is 8 and my son is 5. I sent her a pic of me and my kids at the county fair yesterday. She seemed to really appreciate that.
Ap, you and your GF did the online thing for a long time before actually meeting. Any advice on my situation would be appreciated. I don't want to push to much before she is comfortable progressing, but I don't want to end up being just a text buddy.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> What is up with all the similar user names? Do some of you have multiple profiles? I have seen a moxysbuddy or something like that and now a jellybeanz with some numbers added.


We have fans that want to be us? Or trolls? Or maybe they just don't know. 



muskrat said:


> I mentioned maybe meeting one night this week. I haven't pushed that issue since I have never even talked to her. We did meet online. After a few emails she gave me her number and we have been texting since.


Well...what did she say? 

I would want to meet up sooner than later...


----------



## muskrat

She really likes fishing and outdoor stuff and happens to live near a Cabelas. I told her I have been looking to make a trip to Cabelas. I asked her if she has a night the works best for her, so we could meet up there for an evening. That was Friday. I told her she can check her schedule and get back to me (she seemed to like the idea). I haven't mentioned it again and neither has she. Should I bring it up again?


----------



## Jellybeans

So she just never responded at all about that? 

Yeah... not really feeling that.

I say bring it up one more time. "Have you thoguht about X and if you are up for it? I know we text a lot and it'd be nice to meet in person." 

If she isn't receptive and blows it off again, I wouldn't take her seriously as a potential dating partner.

You can text someone a bunch and in person it's totally different that's why I don't get people who just want to keep that up - the online/texting thing. Eventually you should meet to decide whether there's a connection or not. And Musk, you are like me--in person we know.


----------



## ne9907

I am on cloud 9~ Because I am learning new things about myself. I really really like my therapist. She is so good!!!


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Have you asked her out? Did you meet her online/dating site?
> 
> Parents: do you normally show pics of your kids to your dates? Like, first date/first dates?


I will on a first or second date if the date has kids as well...but only one pic of him

and not before a first date


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You can text someone a bunch and in person it's totally different that's why I don't get people who just want to keep that up - the online/texting thing. Eventually you should meet to decide whether there's a connection or not. And Musk, you are like me--in person we know.



A lot of people just like to have a "text buddy" for x,y,z reasons. I agree with Jelly, ask her out again and if she declines then back off of texting too much. I was seriously addicted to having a constant texting buddy throughout the day, but it was because I lacked something or I was bored out of my mind.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I was seriously addicted to having a constant texting buddy throughout the day, *but it was because I lacked something or I was bored out of my mind*.


:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Here is a chemistry joke:

I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon...


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> What is up with all the similar user names? Do some of you have multiple profiles? I have seen a moxysbuddy or something like that and now a jellybeanz with some numbers added.


Im going to make up a new user name...ILOVEMUSKRAT...hahahah so i can be your stalker


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Here is a chemistry joke:
> 
> I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon...


LOVE this.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> So she just never responded at all about that?
> 
> Yeah... not really feeling that.
> 
> I say bring it up one more time. "Have you thoguht about X and if you are up for it? I know we text a lot and it'd be nice to meet in person."
> 
> If she isn't receptive and blows it off again, I wouldn't take her seriously as a potential dating partner.
> 
> You can text someone a bunch and in person it's totally different that's why I don't get people who just want to keep that up - the online/texting thing. Eventually you should meet to decide whether there's a connection or not. And Musk, you are like me--in person we know.


The whole thing is messed up. Like sat night when I asked if she would like to talk. She replied that she would really like to talk. I called, no answer. Sends me a text sunday morning saying she is sorry that she fell asleep. It's like she wants to move forward but something is holding her back. I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I have a feeling I am wasting my time with her. 
I'll bring up meeting again tonight. If she blows it off again I'm moving on.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> The whole thing is messed up. Like sat night when I asked if she would like to talk. She replied that she would really like to talk. I called, no answer. Sends me a text sunday morning saying she is sorry that she fell asleep. It's like she wants to move forward but something is holding her back. I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I have a feeling I am wasting my time with her.
> I'll bring up meeting again tonight. If she blows it off again I'm moving on.


Honestly, I wouldnt even bother asking her again. You were very clear and specific when you asked, and should couldnt be bothered with a response. She isnt looking to actually meet someone, she just wants someone to talk to. I really feel that this one is a waste of time, Rat.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> The whole thing is messed up. Like sat night when I asked if she would like to talk. She replied that she would really like to talk. I called, no answer. Sends me a text sunday morning saying she is sorry that she fell asleep. It's like she wants to move forward but something is holding her back. I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I have a feeling I am wasting my time with her.
> I'll bring up meeting again tonight. If she blows it off again I'm moving on.


Good idea. I say bring it up one more time and go from there. 

She may just be lukewarm about you or has someone else on the side.


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> The whole thing is messed up. Like sat night when I asked if she would like to talk. She replied that she would really like to talk. I called, no answer. Sends me a text sunday morning saying she is sorry that she fell asleep. It's like she wants to move forward but something is holding her back. I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I have a feeling I am wasting my time with her.
> I'll bring up meeting again tonight. If she blows it off again I'm moving on.


It won't hurt to put it out there one more time, but it will probably be a waste of time. I've been chatting with another guy on Tinder pretty regularly, and he's intimated 2 or 3 times that he would like to get together in person. When he's done this, I've responded, "Well, I have these two days free this week." I've made it clear that I'm open, and give him the choice of days, and then he just doesn't respond. But he keeps texting me about other stuff, to keep the convo going. 

My point: I think I was wasting my time with this guy, and you might be, too. Go ahead and ask once more, but don't expect anything to some of it.


----------



## Arendt

unsure78 said:


> Im going to make up a new user name...ILOVEMUSKRAT...hahahah so i can be your stalker


There are some other funny names on here. I went to a thread in another section and there was a user name something like "nazimodsontam"  Some people take things a little seriously I guess.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> It won't hurt to put it out there one more time, but it will probably be a waste of time. I've been chatting with another guy on Tinder pretty regularly, and he's intimated 2 or 3 times that he would like to get together in person. When he's done this, I've responded, "Well, I have these two days free this week." I've made it clear that I'm open, and give him the choice of days, and then he just doesn't respond. But he keeps texting me about other stuff, to keep the convo going.
> 
> My point: I think I was wasting my time with this guy, and you might be, too. Go ahead and ask once more, but don't expect anything to some of it.


I had one guy on POF who started messaging me, and we had a pleasant chat going, so I sent him my phone # so we could text. He never did text me but continued to message me through the site. :scratchhead: He mentioned a few times that we should meet, and like you, I offered up a couple of days, but he never went any further with it. He never offered up any real personal kind of chat...he would message once a day or so, asking how my day or my week was going, and that was it. I finally just stopped answering, there was just no point.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I had one guy on POF who started messaging me, and we had a pleasant chat going, so I sent him my phone # so we could text. He never did text me but continued to message me through the site. :scratchhead: He mentioned a few times that we should meet, and like you, I offered up a couple of days, but he never went any further with it. *He never offered up any real personal kind of chat...he would message once a day or so, asking how my day or my week was going, and that was it*. I finally just stopped answering, there was just no point.


Yeah, this is pretty much it. Though he did give me his cell, and we've been texting rather than using the site.


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> I mentioned maybe meeting one night this week. I haven't pushed that issue since I have never even talked to her. We did meet online. After a few emails she gave me her number and we have been texting since.
> 
> I normally do not share pics of my kids, at least until I am comfortable with the person. She was in all the pics she sent me, some happened to also include her daughter.





muskrat said:


> I have thought of that. She may just be being cautious. Trying to figure out if I am really interested in her or just looking to get laid. The daughter thing could be just her way of clearly showing me that she is a package deal. I have no problem with that. Her daughter is 6, mine is 8 and my son is 5. I sent her a pic of me and my kids at the county fair yesterday. She seemed to really appreciate that.
> Ap, you and your GF did the online thing for a long time before actually meeting. Any advice on my situation would be appreciated. *I don't want to push to much before she is comfortable progressing, but I don't want to end up being just a text buddy*.


Well all I can say is go with the flow and talk to her about your expectations. Don't be pushy but do tell her what you are looking for in a relationship and be genuine, easiest way to do that is to show her you are real with being consistent in your actions.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Well all I can say is go with the flow and talk to her about your expectations. Don't be pushy but do tell her what you are looking for in a relationship and be genuine, easiest way to do that is to show her you are real with being consistent in your actions.


I hear you AP, but he does want to meet her. And if she isn't even going halfway as to respond to his requests/wanting to meet up with him, then I say, FUHGEDDABOUTIT in my Tony Soprano voice. 

It's a two-way street. 

Beep beep.

Not sure why I just made a car sound. But it seemed right.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I hear you AP, but he does want to meet her. And if she isn't even going halfway as to respond to his requests/wanting to meet up with him, then I say, FUHGEDDABOUTIT in my Tony Soprano voice.
> 
> It's a two-way street.
> 
> *Beep beep*.
> 
> Not sure why I just made a car sound. But it seemed right.


"Beep beep, Richie!" (waiting to see who gets it...  )


----------



## muskrat

In all fairness to her, we have only been messaging a few days and texting since fri night. I can understand a little reluctance to agree to meet in person someone that you just met. With that said, there has been a lot of texting.
I'm going to give it one more shoot. After that she will have to do the chasing. lol


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> "Beep beep, Richie!" (waiting to see who gets it...  )


I don't get it. But I 'liked' it. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> "Beep beep, Richie!" (waiting to see who gets it...  )


I don't get it, but now I'm thinking about Happy Days.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> "Beep beep, Richie!" (waiting to see who gets it...  )


It's what TAM likes to do to us when we get a little too risque.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I don't get it, but now I'm thinking about Happy Days.


Me too!! Something must have happened last night after I cut my hair. I feel so much self aware... and happy.


----------



## unsure78

Ugggg exh is being a d1ck.... apparently doesn't seem to like it that im going on a vacay with the new bf...getting snotty comments. .. people we have been D over 2 years. .when is this stupid crap going to stop?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

unsure78 said:


> Ugggg exh is being a d1ck.... apparently doesn't seem to like it that im going on a vacay with the new bf...getting snotty comments. .. people we have been D over 2 years. .when is this stupid crap going to stop?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When they find someone that will put up with them for a brief period.

In other news, I changed into my gym gear before leaving work and ran into a guy I haven't seen on the 2nd shift in quite a while. He told me I'm turning into a hunk, I asked him to inform the ladies of said hunkary.

The highlight of my Monday.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Have you asked her out? Did you meet her online/dating site?
> 
> Parents: do you normally show pics of your kids to your dates? Like, first date/first dates?




Never , bc who knows who your really dealing with at that stage no matter how she seems .


----------



## Another Planet

"Beep beep Ritchie come back anytime" 
Rofl I love it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> Ugggg exh is being a d1ck.... apparently doesn't seem to like it that im going on a vacay with the new bf...getting snotty comments. .. people we have been D over 2 years. .when is this stupid crap going to stop?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If it makes you feel any better my exwife just stuck her leg under my car for 10 minutes so I couldn't leave my house because I was done listening to her crazy ass paranoia. Then when I finally did she followed me until I got to where I was going and she attempted to block me in by parking behind me. Luckily it was a very busy public place so she left quickly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Can't say l agree with the women/guy you owe me sex thing.
l actually feel far more pressure from them and and all the sex hype these days,they actually take it seriously.
Thing is , if your not trying to jump her bones in a date or two , "she" thinks somethings wrong , or "she's" wanting to jump yours , or scratching her head. And it'l probably become a discussion with friends as to why he isn't , or on net forums. And then if you do , whatever bs list of make believe perfect sex should be these days.

So on one hand yeah , l know some guys out there do think like that but even if you read through TAM , it's the chicks crapping on about sex and [email protected] questions 10 fold the guys .A lot of the guys are far more concerned about the relationship itself first . So l dunno about that one , good old double standards raising it's head again . 

lf l meet someone l am worried if l'm even actually gonna want sex with her though first of all but more importantly , her head.
l actually wanna stay outa there as long as possible anyway tbh bc l have a tendency to start just going back for more , and more, and more , once l bring that into it and next minute l'm in something l didn't even wanna be in.
lt's weird to , bc if you go out with someone , you feel they're expecting you to try or you feel they might think you think they owe you bc of tea or the date , makes me uncomfortable that bc if l want her l won't insult her by trying to buy it .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> If it makes you feel any better my exwife just stuck her leg under my car for 10 minutes so I couldn't leave my house because I was done listening to her crazy ass paranoia. Then when I finally did she followed me until I got to where I was going and she attempted to block me in by parking behind me. Luckily it was a very busy public place so she left quickly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh Jesus AP. That sounds like somem you'd need to get outa your head. Every time you talk about your past , l think now here's a man that deserves what he's finally got now with his new gf :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> When they find someone that will put up with them for a brief period.
> 
> In other news, I changed into my gym gear before leaving work and ran into a guy I haven't seen on the 2nd shift in quite a while. He told me I'm turning into a hunk, I asked him to inform the ladies of said hunkary.
> 
> The highlight of my Monday.



l thought the next line was gonna be he asked you out :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> If it makes you feel any better my exwife just stuck her leg under my car for 10 minutes so I couldn't leave my house because I was done listening to her crazy ass paranoia. Then when I finally did she followed me until I got to where I was going and she attempted to block me in by parking behind me. Luckily it was a very busy public place so she left quickly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Omg AP, she is a bag full of cats!!

So glad ex lives 1000 miles away.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> If it makes you feel any better my exwife just stuck her leg under my car for 10 minutes so I couldn't leave my house because I was done listening to her crazy ass paranoia. Then when I finally did she followed me until I got to where I was going and she attempted to block me in by parking behind me. Luckily it was a very busy public place so she left quickly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hands down you win on the crazy ex train...lol im sorry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Oh Jesus AP. That sounds like somem you'd need to get outa your head. Every time you talk about your past , l think now here's a man that deserves what he's finally got now with his new gf :smthumbup:


Although, if I were the GF, I'd develop some paranoia of my own, legitimately, on account of the ex-W. She sounds dangerous.


----------



## ne9907

After finding out about my old army buddy who now has cancer, ive decided to finally find all those friends/acquaintances who ever crossed my path. So far ive found two on FB. One has accepted friend request, but the other hasnt. I am afraid she will deny it...
It sucks when buddies are at the doorsteps of death.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh too much nice food , my 1 pack is coming back :rofl: Why is it in life , just about anything that's any fkg fun , is no good for ya or lined with minefields


----------



## whitehawk

l feel like closing my date site down.

l'm disobeying every golden rule l've ever had , both of them :rofl:
And l keep doing it , jb , where's that brick.


----------



## whitehawk

God imagine all the time l'd have and the money l'd save on dead end dates , hmmm :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

FWB is back! :smthumbup:

This time I think it'll take a helluva lot more butterflies for me to try dating again... blech!


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Although, if I were the GF, I'd develop some paranoia of my own, legitimately, on account of the ex-W. She sounds dangerous.


Yeah...hard for me to juggle everything honestly. Not sure I like it. She's a good strong woman though and I don't doubt her abilities, I did tell her about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Something must be wrong with me. Today, I'm not craving sex but (I hate this word) cuddles.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> FWB is back! :smthumbup:
> 
> This time I think it'll take a helluva lot more butterflies for me to try dating again... blech!



Everything is put to bed and life can get back to normal eh :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

> Something must be wrong with me. Today, I'm not craving sex but (I hate this word) cuddles.


Cuddles can be better than sex at times



whitehawk said:


> Everything is put to bed and life can get back to normal eh :smthumbup:


Aye!


----------



## whitehawk

Shoulda seen me at work today  , l dunno , what's that word again ?
Ahh yes , l think "magnificent" , might be the one l was thinking of :rofl:


----------



## Brokenman85

Well weird timing, but I just went out with a girl I met online and she was amazing. I have butterflies in my stomach for the first time in over 10 years. We joked a lot about how internet dating is terrible and she told me about all the dic pics she gets from guys haha. Her sense of humor is right up my alley. It feels weird...after 14 months of being miserable, the thought of being happy again is scary. I won't put too much stock into this yet because I don't want to get my hopes up but damn...it's just great to know I can feel good again. That in itself is enough to feel hopeful.


----------



## whitehawk

Nice to hear b , you earned it yeah , hope it goes beautiful for you :smthumbup:.

l know for myself , it's feel good stories like this that remind you anything can happen even in online dating .

Have you been on it long or ?


----------



## movealong

For the last few days I had been messaging with a woman on match.com. Her profile said she is in law enforcement. It kind of threw me a bit, but she was really cool in the messages, plus she has some really good tattoo work (I like tattoos as long as they're classy not trashy or poorly done) and like me she enjoys cooking. So yesterday I decided to just jump out there and ask her to meet. What a effing relief! She is the first one that was actually better in person than in her profile! 

We chatted for 45 minutes or so, and really hit it off. Exchanged numbers and then she was off to start her shift. Turns out she is a dispatcher not a police officer. Having worked with and as a first responder, I am glad she is not out there in the middle of it. That is one of my boundaries...I know first hand how bad that type of job can screw you up mentally. That job never stays at work and it definitely impacts the home life.

Anyway, it was just really good meet up.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l feel like closing my date site down.
> 
> l'm disobeying every golden rule l've ever had , both of them :rofl:
> And l keep doing it , jb , where's that brick.


Coming right up.










But...what rules are you disobeying?



Brokenman85 said:


> I have butterflies in my stomach for the first time in over 10 years.


Yay!



movealong said:


> She is the first one that was actually better in person than in her profile!


Yay! 

The computer nerd was like this, too. Way hotter in person. I was like, YAAAY! He wants to go out again.


----------



## muskrat

So I talked to text girl last night. She says she likes to take things slow and would like to get to know me better before meeting. She has had a few bad experiences and is more cautious now. She was very flirty. What she says makes sense, but I very well could just be her plan B. In the mean time, I am also talking to another lady. She seems much more eager to move forward. I like her and she is nice, but I can't get text girl off my mind. It's like one is plan A and the other is plan B. I have never multi dated but it looks like I might be headed that way. :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Coming right up.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But...what rules are you disobeying?
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you JB , l needed that
> ps , l'm just wasting my time on so so's  l've never believed in bothering with that .


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh. That's an easy fix. Just stop doing it.


----------



## ne9907

So glad to see so many of you having great dates!! I saw FIVE shooting stars last night during the meteor shower!

I made wishes! OMG! I made some wishes!


----------



## whitehawk

Photos. How does everyone go with photos of someone they're interested in.
l have mine on private but if l say hello to anyone or they do me , they get let in. So l don't mind if hers are l get it . But more often it's just one face or 10 face ones.
l've only got 2 but one face and one full pic .

l find it soooo awkward having to "ask" for a full pic but hey , that's fair isn't it ? 
And then often when they do put one in for you i the end, it's on some weird angle or sitting or something and you can't even tell what they look like. l really hate it but it happens time and time again.
And sometimes it's amazing how they'll playfully twist things round, stall, even make you feel guilty for wanting more pics or a full one.
But you can bet , if you don't specifically "ask" , for a full pic , sure she puts in another 10pics but you still can't even see her properly or they're waist or shoulders up or more face.

Or like one girl and this has happened a few times but l talked about her here , mths ago and l really really liked her. We both did but you know we were talking 10days and she was still finding excuses not to show me pics. Even a phone pic, reckons she didn't know how.
There was all sorts of things, people could track her down or the pics getting out.
And after 10 days of it , she finally says , oh tbh l'd rather we just met for coffee than l do pics. At least you get to see the real me , ,,, hu 
lt went on and on , wks in the end. 
But hey she was an hour and a 1/2 away and going of for coffee to someone l haven't even seen , l hated the idea. Yet her description sounded very nice and one guy thinks he knew her and said yeah if it is her she's a great looking girl but you know , it was getting too weird by now . She was the worst but l've had similar 4 or 5 times now .

So how do you go with getting pics ?


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Photos. How does everyone go with photos of someone they're interested in


Ask.



whitehawk said:


> But you know we were talking 10days but she was still finding excuses not to show me pics. Even phone , reckons she didn't know how.
> There was all sorts of things, people could track her down or the pics getting out.
> And after 10 days of it , she finally says , oh tbh l'd rather we just met for coffee than l do pics. At least you get to see the real me , ,,, hu
> lt went on and on , wks in the end.


I would have axed her. To me t hat is someone with something to hide. Or extremely insecure. Why the FCK would you go out with anyone from the internet who isn't even willing to show you their picture? They could be an axe murderer or black widow. I wouldn't have even met up withher, to be honest with you. "How am I supposed to know you are real? Or who I am supposed to meet if you won't share your picture with me?" ICK. Major icky vibes from that chick, Whitehawk.

Also, if someone just plain refused/kept findin excuses, I'd call them out on it and tell them I wasn't interested in talking to them any further. 

Also, I wouldn't even talk to anyone without a picture online. Those people with pics of their cats, etc, I just go right past them.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Also, I wouldn't even talk to anyone without a picture online. Those people with pics of their cats, etc, I just go right past them.


I clicked on one profile because the initial picture was cute. There were more than 10 pictures total, and only two of them were of her. The rest were dogs, cats, a horse, and I kid you not, a donkey and goat.

:scratchhead: 

She said she was looking for a man, but she may have been looking for an animal trainer.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> I clicked on one profile because the initial picture was cute. There were more than 10 pictures total, and only two of them were of her. The rest were dogs, cats, a horse, and I kid you not, a donkey and goat.
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> She said she was looking for a man, but she may have been looking for an animal trainer.


Yeah I hate it when guys have like 15 pics, and only one is of them, and its too far away to really see their face. Then the rest are of cars, or sunsets, or the ocean, or their dog....


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ask.
> 
> 
> 
> I would have axed her. To me t hat is someone with something to hide. Or extremely insecure. Why the FCK would you go out with anyone from the internet who isn't even willing to show you their picture? They could be an axe murderer or black widow. I wouldn't have even met up withher, to be honest with you. "How am I supposed to know you are real? Or who I am supposed to meet if you won't share your picture with me?" ICK. Major icky vibes from that chick, Whitehawk.
> 
> Also, if someone just plain refused/kept findin excuses, I'd call them out on it and tell them I wasn't interested in talking to them any further.
> 
> Also, I wouldn't even talk to anyone without a picture online. Those people with pics of their cats, etc, I just go right past them.



Well , l did actually axe her in the end bc l just thought , as much as l loved talking to her and the way we got along , you know , that was just bs. And your exactly right .
Some of her excuses was she couldn't risk online pics bc her job was in Gov , she didn't trust online , she'd worry about safety for her daughter , they went on and on , couldn't do phone pics ra ra .
We still talk but only as friends bc l've still never seen her.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Some of her excuses was she couldn't risk online pics bc her job was in Gov , she didn't trust online , she'd worry about safety for her daughter , they went on and on , couldn't do phone pics ra ra .
> We still talk but only as friends bc l've still never seen her.


Baffling as to why she is even on dating sites with that much secrecy.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I clicked on one profile because the initial picture was cute. There were more than 10 pictures total, and only two of them were of her. The rest were dogs, cats, a horse, and I kid you not, a donkey and goat.
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> She said she was looking for a man, but she may have been looking for an animal trainer.



See this is the sort of thing l come across all the time but every now and then l really like one so then the fun starts, not .
So are you getting pics ok and do you get full pics ?


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Baffling as to why she is even on dating sites with that much secrecy.



Oh look JB , l kid you not you would not believe how cagey she was.
Like we talked about our marriages and our situations and our kids and all sorts of other stuff , but when you'd like ask her anything even close to personal , she'd practically turn into a politician. Matter of fact l use to call her one all the time.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I post pics and expect them. Unless you are a TV newscaster or a professional who is afraid it will hurt their career or doesn't want gold diggers, I don't get it. And for all of those people, go with a professional match making service.

It's hard to get a body shot without taking one myself. I can't exactly hand my daughter my phone and ask her to take some nice shots for my match.com profile.  I should have a friend come over some childless weekend to take some. I do have one full body shot sitting in a chair with my dog at my feet but it's 7 years old (tho pretty accurate).

Also I hate where there are NO photos of the guy smiling. Gotta do a teeth check. AND I like guys who smile.  Screw that brooding tough buy facade.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> Matter of fact , 4mths l've know her , if you could call it that . And she still won't tell me what she even does for a living.


DUDE. Where's my 2x4?

There are reasons why someone is this evasive. None of them good!


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> See this is the sort of thing l come across all the time but every now and then l really like one so then the fun starts, not .
> So are you getting pics ok and do you get full pics ?


I hadn't even considered asking for full body pics until the date last Friday. Now if then if I am skeptical I will ask. Most women look good full figured and with a few extra pounds, imo. I never was attracted to the Twiggy look, I was always more of a Marilyn Monroe type guy.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I hadn't even considered asking for full body pics until the date last Friday. Now if then if I am skeptical I will ask. Most women look good full figured and with a few extra pounds, imo. I never was attracted to the Twiggy look, I was always more of a Marilyn Monroe type guy.


Yeah well this is the thing , we're all different that doesn't matter. But it's over the damn internet so you know, not like your standing in front of each other.
l really hate asking but it seems if you don't put it exactly like that , they'll just put in more face stuff or things where you can't tell.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Matter of fact , *4mths* l've know her , if you could call it that . And she still won't tell me what she even does for a living.




Yeah I wouldn't even waste time communicating with someone like that. Here you are, telling her about you, showing her your pics and she can't even do the same for you, no pics, no stories on what she does for a living, nothing. You may be just entertainment purposes for her, someone trolling you, catfishing you. She could actually be a he. I would be totally turned off by that and skeeved out. It's pretty sketchy.



EnjoliWoman said:


> Also I hate where there are NO photos of the guy smiling. *Gotta do a teeth check*.


 Haha. Love this. 

Teeth ARE important.


----------



## Jellybeans

How do you know it's "mysterious?" You don't even know what she looks like. You have never met her. You haven't seen a picture of her. She doesn't tell you what she does.

For all you know, she could be a 12 year old boy writing to you from his grandma's basement. Or someone who takes pleasure in trolling people on dating sites.

Whitehawk...clearly you are not this naive, right? I mean, I'd expect this from a 20 year old or something, but not a man in his 40s.


----------



## whitehawk

Oh we might need the brick again jb.

Nah we've talked for hours on the phone. Her daughters answered, l hear tvs and chatter sometimes .
Funny thing is , she even calls me from work , just won't tell me wtf it is , there's other things too.
But l hear stairs , walking , what sounds like now get this , operating tables being rolled in and out.
Maybe she's a surgeon :rofl:

Eh , maybe she's on the operating table :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

You are going to need a lot more than one


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Oh we might need the brick again jb.
> 
> Nah we've talked for hours on the phone. Her daughters answered, l hear tvs and chatter sometimes .
> Funny thing is , she even calls me from work , just won't tell me wtf it is , there's other things too.
> But l hear stairs , walking , what sounds like now get this , operating tables being rolled in and out.
> Maybe she's a surgeon :rofl:
> 
> Eh , maybe she's on the operating table :rofl:


OR...could be the morgue!


----------



## muskrat

I simply don't respond to messages from people without pics and I never write people without pics.
I did have one lady without pics send me a message. She said we live in a small town, but I don't look familiar. I responded neither do you. lol
She sent me a pic.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> OR...could be the morgue!


This was my first thought also. :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Teeth ARE important.


Teeth are like my number 1 requirement!


----------



## moxy

I've had people ask me for full-body photos before. I thought it was weird, but then I posted one or two on my profile. I hadn't left them off out of insecurity, but I didn't really have many photos of all of me, mostly just waist up. Unfortunately, that conversation usually goes "can I have a full body picture?" "can I have a full-body picture with less clothes on?" "can I have a full-body picture that's naked?" and "can I have a full-body, naked picture in xyz pose so I can get a better look at your various and sundry parts?" None of those are good. They smack of sleaze. 

If you think someone's cute, whether or not you can see his or her body, go have a freaking coffee with that person and talk to that person. You may not be attracted to him or her, but at least you had a conversation with a person and that can't be a waste of time, really. What do you risk? The discomfort of having to say I'm sorry I thought I might like you but I guess I'm not feeling it? I am, personally, pretty straightforward about stuff like that. If I'm not feeling a connection, I'll say so. If I'm not feeling attraction or chemistry, I'll say so. If I think the person is really nice but not really the kind of partner I was looking for, I'll say so. And, if I go out with a guy and he isn't as hot as his photos, well...he's still a human being that I am willing to talk to for an hour. 

Not finding a match is not such a waste of time. And, in my opinion, being overly invested in ensuring that the person will be attractive to you in big ways before an initial meeting is just a turn off: unattractive people are still people, in the end, and when you date someone, you have to be able to get along with that person's personality as well as his/her looks. 

Of course, I am not suggesting that one should date someone to whom one is not attracted, simply that it might just make sense to figure that out on a first date rather than screen the person intensively beforehand; it's like a blind date and you don't always know what it's going to be like until you go on it. That's how I see it. So, I don't really understand the need to see all of someone before meeting that person; it's too consumer-oriented or something. 

I am also not suggesting that anyone should tolerate evasiveness or lies from a potential date, because those are red flags. I do think that being overly invested in securing an outcome might be getting in the way of opportunity and enjoyment by creating an atmosphere for defeatist and negative thinking.


----------



## Brokenman85

whitehawk said:


> Have you been on it long or ?


I have been trying internet dating for about 10 months now. It didn't seem possible to find someone I would work with and I was about to give up on it completely but then I met her. I had dated a few women before from online, but they all had so much baggage and mental issues. I would say to people, don't give up on it even if it feels hopeless BUT don't depend on it. Go to meet up groups, go out with friends, and use internet dating as a complement to those.


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## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> OR...could be the morgue!


ROFL 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I know that men (and women) want a full body photo so they know that it isn't a woman who is average size on her top half but so pear shaped her ass is 3x the width of her body. I get it. But if I HAVE a full body shot up on my profile, no way should they ask for more photos ever. It's fine to ask if they are current - they are. I put the year in the caption/description. 

But if they start asking for photos, THAT is sleazy because that's where it's headed. Usually they say "can I see your other [aka naked/sexy] pictures?" and I never respond. I've had them offer to email me their 'private' photos. I never respond.

It's true that one could find themselves drawn to someone who isn't physically exactly what they envisioned being attracted to, but extremes are unlikely. Yes, ugly people need love, too - by other ugly people. Sex ranking really DOES exist. 

I accept a wide range of appearance. The biggest visual deal breakers are badly kept teeth, comb-overs, sloppy dressers/appearance (holey shirts, etc.), extremely overweight people. Anyone else I'm open to meeting if I like what their profile says.


----------



## whitehawk

See, l don't wanna ask that and l make sure they can see me but lot of the girls force you to, even go on about the physical attraction must be there , blah blah, right there in their profile themselves. They ask me for more pics to, ask if they're recent. Yet you can't see them from the shoulders down or something.
But then it's like there's something wrong and they twist it all up just because you wanna see someone you might date.
A lot of them even say in their prof' , no good pic no contact or far more blunt than just that actually too.

Yet RL , what's the very first step, you see someone . That's where it all begins.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> lot of the girls...even go on about how the physical attraction must be there...right there in their profile themselves. Yet you can't see them from the shoulders down or something.
> ...
> A lot of them even say in their prof' , no good pic no contact or far more blunt than just that actually too.


OK. Wow. People say that kind of stuff?

If a woman is stating outright in her profile that physical attraction must be there, then she should post a picture in which one can see more than just her face because physical attraction involves bodies. If she actually says "no good pic, no contact", then she shouldn't have some kind of issue with posting or sharing a "good pic" herself. A double standard is not acceptable. 

However, if a woman has a more modest profile in which she is not saying things that demonstrate a sensibility which is overly concerned with superficial traits like appearance or photogenic capacity, then it is likely that she would find it a little awkward (at least) and a little offensive (at most) to be asked for a full body photo. One has to keep in mind that more often than not, photo conversations lead to creepy requests for nudes or custom porn or immaturely-phrased questions about the size of her enormous breasts. Asking can, itself, sometimes shut down an otherwise reasonable opportunity for connection with another person and, also, reinforce more commodified approaches toward finding a partner that yield little happiness in the search.

A first date is kind of like an audition. A first meeting is even less than that (after all, coffee is what you have with friends when you want to hang out, so there are no stakes involved). Asking for a full figure photo before even a first meeting is kind of like saying "now you need to audition for the audition". If the woman indicates that she is screening based on physical qualities, however, it's fair game that she should expect to be on the receiving end of that scrutiny, as well. 

Maybe I'm just a weirdo, but I usually don't write anything about what I'm looking for in a partner. I've indicated that I'm interested in certain kinds of connections, but that's about it. Instead, I just say a little about what I'm like and what I enjoy doing; I figure that if someone is into those things, then there is a chance we will have something in common. Do you guys all write about the kind of partners you're looking for?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I'm having a really bad evening. Crushing loneliness tonight.  The weather is gorgeous out and I want to sit out on my deck, but doing that alone sucks. Since I returned from my trip a couple of weeks ago, I have had ZERO motivation to do anything. I do nothing. Some evenings I walk, thats about it. I was going a little crazy before my trip getting various things ready and stuff, but now...nothing.

I am starting a part time job next Thursday, in addition to my full time one.
I am totally bummed out about it, I SO dont want to work another job! But my money situation is just that bad. So I am bummed out and grateful at the same time. I desperately need to work out, and every fiber of my being DOES NOT want to. At all. I am emotional eating again, so am feeling down on myself about that. So, I am sitting here alone, crying. Bleh. 

I thought I was doing pretty good. For the most part, I am fine with being by myself, but every now and then, this hits me. Stupid things like wishing I had someone to sit outside with and enjoy the weather with a drink. Or when holidays come around, like this past 4th of July, it hits me that I dont have someone to have plans with on days like that. And I think this is the first time that the tears have hit me over this. 

Anyway. Thanks for letting me ramble.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah and your right mox . And l'll often get all of what everyone's said here as an answer. And true, some are a lot more sensitive about things than that and l love that quality.
But see even then , it's only natural you can see who the hell your talking to. 

l've never actually used the term full body [l feel like it though] but l have had to ask for better pics [trying to avoid that] but then they still often just send even more face shots . 

I find most of the girls, somewhere in their profile , will mention something, about the physical attraction having to be there . Many go much further than that , sex, even asking for an exact height, type of build , even eye color , hair color, totally out there. Although going that far isn't that common and l'd imagine most guys would avoid the hell out of her bc that's just showing how out there she is.
But the physical attraction part is very common, almost typical l'd say.
And this is over 3 different date sites l've looked around in , not just one.

Anyway , been wondering for mths now, if everyone else gets a decent pic before they rush of to a date ?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Thanks Hawk. I dont usually get lonely like this, I like my alone time for the most part. Different story tonight, for some reason! And as for my money situation...if my fat pig ex H would have paid me like he was supposed to after we divorced, I would not BE in this situation!


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm having a really bad evening. Crushing loneliness tonight.  The weather is gorgeous out and I want to sit out on my deck, but doing that alone sucks. Since I returned from my trip a couple of weeks ago, I have had ZERO motivation to do anything. I do nothing. Some evenings I walk, thats about it. I was going a little crazy before my trip getting various things ready and stuff, but now...nothing.


I'm sorry things are rough. I sympathize. i wish Guy would text me, even if it was just for a booty call or just to say hello. :/ 

Can you sit out there with a really, really good novel? During the years after ex-h and I had split up, I read a LOT of series of books because the attachment to the characters over that many pages feels more real than life sometimes. In losing myself in the world of that book series, I was able to set aside both loneliness and grief. I wonder if it will work for you. And, if you're not into reading novels, maybe a TV series that has a number of seasons? Sometimes that distraction is really helpful.



3Xnocharm said:


> I thought I was doing pretty good. For the most part, I am fine with being by myself, but every now and then, this hits me. Stupid things like wishing I had someone to sit outside with and enjoy the weather with a drink. Or when holidays come around, like this past 4th of July, it hits me that I dont have someone to have plans with on days like that. And I think this is the first time that the tears have hit me over this.


That is a crummy feeling. Everyone has had it at one point or another. It's never easy.  I hope that changes for you sometime soon!


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> l've never actually used the term full body [l feel like it though] but l have had to ask for better pics [trying to avoid that] but then they still often just send even more face shots .


"Hey, you have such a pretty face. I love how [insert compliment here] it is because that makes me want to talk to you. I wish I could get a sense of your style. Are you a jeans and t-shirt sort of woman or do you wear suits and skirts to work and at home? Do you have any photos of you where you're doing things and I can see some of your personality in your clothes? I bet you look hot in a pair of blue jeans and stiletto heels and a cowgirl hat [or mention whatever kind of clothes get you all excited, or choose something silly so that she's inclined to tell you what her style is really like]!" 

That was lame and kind of forced, but you get the idea. Ask obliquely! Then it seems less creepy. Compliments tend to make the clothes come off. Kind of. In all seriousness, asking a person about his/her style will be more likely to get you a photo of how that person dresses in which you can extrapolate whether the person's body type is something you are responsive to or not. 

I've realized that I do not like skinny guys. I also don't like really, really large guys (muscle or fat) or guys that are too obsessed with the gym, but I like really strong guys with usable muscle and a little extra is okay with me. Being able to pick me up and carry me to the bed in a fit of passion: Hell yeah. Abs that you want me to admire all day long because you are obsessed with how pretty you are: I'll pass. Those are the kinds of things you can't tell in a picture as well as you can with a handshake. Some women's curves don't look so attractive in a photo, but when you see them walk, you can't turn away. So, I guess it depends on what you respond to in a woman, but...you can read between the lines when it comes to style and find out more about people than by just brazenly saying "show me your body!" 



whitehawk said:


> Anyway , been wondering for mths now, if everyone else gets a decent pic before they rush of to a date ?


Not me, so much. Photos are great. The more the merrier. Unless they contain unsolicited images of genitalia. But, what makes me willing to say "yeah, let's go out sometime" isn't a photo, but the conversation: how well a man seems to navigate the world around him, how passionate he seems, how attracted he is to me, and how willing he is to compliment the hell out of my sexiness. If the sound of his voice turns me on, I'll hint for a date with little clothes involved.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> "Hey, you have such a pretty face. I love how [insert compliment here] it is because that makes me want to talk to you. I wish I could get a sense of your style. Are you a jeans and t-shirt sort of woman or do you wear suits and skirts to work and at home? Do you have any photos of you where you're doing things and I can see some of your personality in your clothes? I bet you look hot in a pair of blue jeans and stiletto heels and a cowgirl hat [or mention whatever kind of clothes get you all excited, or choose something silly so that she's inclined to tell you what her style is really like]!"
> 
> That was lame and kind of forced, but you get the idea. Ask obliquely! Then it seems less creepy. Compliments tend to make the clothes come off. Kind of. In all seriousness, asking a person about his/her style will be more likely to get you a photo of how that person dresses in which you can extrapolate whether the person's body type is something you are responsive to or not.
> 
> I've realized that I do not like skinny guys. I also don't like really, really large guys (muscle or fat) or guys that are too obsessed with the gym, but I like really strong guys with usable muscle and a little extra is okay with me. Being able to pick me up and carry me to the bed in a fit of passion: Hell yeah. Abs that you want me to admire all day long because you are obsessed with how pretty you are: I'll pass. Those are the kinds of things you can't tell in a picture as well as you can with a handshake. Some women's curves don't look so attractive in a photo, but when you see them walk, you can't turn away. So, I guess it depends on what you respond to in a woman, but...you can read between the lines when it comes to style and find out more about people than by just brazenly saying "show me your body!"
> 
> 
> 
> Not me, so much. Photos are great. The more the merrier. Unless they contain unsolicited images of genitalia. But, what makes me willing to say "yeah, let's go out sometime" isn't a photo, but the conversation: how well a man seems to navigate the world around him, how passionate he seems, how attracted he is to me, and how willing he is to compliment the hell out of my sexiness. If the sound of his voice turns me on, I'll hint for a date with little clothes involved.




Ahh that's funny mox , thanks.
Yeah you know mentioning clothes , even if she's not so this or that , if l really like her clothes sense, l'm in trouble. :rofl:

l wanna know all the rest of that stuff to but it is a date site , you've gotta see each other.
Sight's a vibe to don't forget and it doesn't matter what she looks like if it's the wrong type.
My female vibe meter has always been deadly accurate :smthumbup:

ps , angry with myself lately, l've been going against my vibe meter . Big no no .


----------



## evolver

3Xnocharm said:


> I thought I was doing pretty good. For the most part, I am fine with being by myself, but every now and then, this hits me.
> 
> Anyway. Thanks for letting me ramble.


I get those moments too. Usually after a stretch of being really busy. Sounds like you might be having post-vacation "dumps".

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## muskrat

Moxy brings up an interesting point. How do you ladies feel about men online complimenting you on your looks? I usually try not to say to much about a ladies appearance, don't want her to think I am only interested in her looks. I try to drop a compliment in the conversation here or there, but not make it a focal point. Should I be saying more? How much is to much?

An example of this would be with text girl. I hadn't said anything about her looks to her. Then one day she sent me a pic of her and her daughter at an amusement park (showing me what they were doing that day). I told her that her daughter is beautiful, almost as pretty as her mom. I thought that was a pretty smooth way of complimenting her. She seemed to like it. I guess the question is should I be saying more? I just don't want to over due it and send a creep vibe.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm having a really bad evening.


Sorry, 3x. I hope you feel better today. Stop the emotional eating and eventhough you don't want the second job, be happy you found one in today's market. Make a plan to work, set some money aside/pay debt and sit on your deck to enjoy your summer time. I can't remember if you have kids or not? Have you done anymore online dating? We all go through these ups and downs. You will be fine. 



moxy said:


> Those are the kinds of things you can't tell in a picture as well as you can with a handshake. Some women's curves don't look so attractive in a photo, but when you see them walk, you can't turn away.


So true. I feel like pictures never do people justice. Or they may seem really hot and aren't. Or they may seem not so attractive and then you see them and they are. 

The guy I went out with from Tindr...I thought he looked interesting in his photo--not super duper hot or anything but he was funny and engaging when he messaged me...and to my surprise he was really cute in person. 



muskrat said:


> Moxy brings up an interesting point. How do you ladies feel about men online complimenting you on your looks?


I love compliments. Tasteful though. Not "your boobs are huge." Or "You are so sexy" when someone hasn't even met me. People on Tinder are always compliment my hair which I love.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Moxy brings up an interesting point. How do you ladies feel about men online complimenting you on your looks? I usually try not to say to much about a ladies appearance, don't want her to think I am only interested in her looks. I try to drop a compliment in the conversation here or there, but not make it a focal point. Should I be saying more? How much is to much?
> 
> An example of this would be with text girl. I hadn't said anything about her looks to her. Then one day she sent me a pic of her and her daughter at an amusement park (showing me what they were doing that day). I told her that her daughter is beautiful, almost as pretty as her mom. I thought that was a pretty smooth way of complimenting her. She seemed to like it. I guess the question is should I be saying more? I just don't want to over due it and send a creep vibe.


I like compliments, as long as they are part of a real message. I hate getting messages that only say "you're hot!" or "hey beautiful!". Seriously, it sounds like they have never actually spoken to a woman before when they do that! I dont ever answer those.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry, 3x. I hope you feel better today. Stop the emotional eating and eventhough you don't want the second job, be happy you found one in today's market. Make a plan to work, set some money aside/pay debt and sit on your deck to enjoy your summer time. I can't remember if you have kids or not? Have you done anymore online dating? We all go through these ups and downs. You will be fine.


Thanks JB! I am very grateful I was able to find something part time, I really am. I plan to start working on getting rid of my credit card debt once I catch up on a couple of things, and that will help me out a lot. Not that I have a LOT of cc debt, but its still something I am having to pay monthly, so it needs to go.

And NO, no online dating!!


----------



## muskrat

Thanks ladies. I want her to know I find her attractive, but I don't want to overdue it. I also pointed out my favorite picture of her. Told her she has beautiful eyes and I like the way they sparkle in that pic. She looked at the pic and said she hadn't noticed that before and thanked me for the compliment. All told I can think of 3 times I complimented her appearance during the course of many conversations.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks JB! I am very grateful I was able to find something part time, I really am. I plan to start working on getting rid of my credit card debt once I catch up on a couple of things, and that will help me out a lot. Not that I have a LOT of cc debt, but its still something I am having to pay monthly, so it needs to go.
> 
> And NO, no online dating!!


Debt can weigh you down. Congrats on having a plan to relieve yourself of this burden.
I understand the lonely feeling you talked about. I feel that way often. You are a smart, beautiful, pleasant person, there will be brighter days ahead for you 3x.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Debt can way you done. Congrats on having a plan to relieve yourself of this burden.
> I understand the lonely feeling you talked about. I feel that way often. You are a smart, beautiful, pleasant person, there will be brighter days ahead for you 3x.


Thank you!


----------



## RandomDude

Compliments make me feel uncomfortable, bleh


----------



## Jellybeans

Evolver--what ever happened with the woman you told us about? The one who was flaking?


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Thanks ladies. I want her to know I find her attractive, but I don't want to overdue it.


It's so interesting to me - how very different one person's approach is to another. For instance, I went out with a guy once who I could not get a read on whether he was attracted to me in that way. We had a great time but he was not touchy at all or blatantly complimentary. I found it so odd but respectful. Then I went out with another guy who made several comments on the first date about how I am pretty and had a nice "figure" and nearly went in for a kiss at the end of the date. When we were walking, he put his hand on the small of my back. I wasn't ready for that at all but it's just interesting to me...how two people can be so different about that stuff.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

muskrat said:


> Thanks ladies. I want her to know I find her attractive, but I don't want to overdue it. I also pointed out my favorite picture of her. Told her she has beautiful eyes and I like the way they sparkle in that pic. She looked at the pic and said she hadn't noticed that before and thanked me for the compliment. All told I can think of 3 times I complimented her appearance during the course of many conversations.





Jellybeans said:


> It's so interesting to me - how very different one person's approach is to another. For instance, I went out with a guy once who I could not get a read on whether he was attracted to me in that way. We had a great time but he was not touchy at all or blatantly complimentary. I found it so odd but respectful. Then I went out with another guy who made several comments on the first date about how I am pretty and had a nice "figure" and nearly went in for a kiss at the end of the date. When we were walking, he put his hand on the small of my back. I wasn't ready for that at all but it's just interesting to me...how two people can be so different about that stuff.


I agree it can be difficult to know - if they are physically demonstrative it could be they just want to feel out how receptive I am to sex on a first or second date OR just that they are attracted to me and showing it with no intention of rushing me. If they aren't physically demonstrative it could be they aren't really attracted to me OR that they are being respectful and patient and not rushing into anything because they ARE attracted to me and don't want to spoil it.

There fore I encourage all men who are truly interested/attracted to simply say "I find that I'm really attracted to you and looking forward to seeing you more, but I don't want to be pushy about the way this develops". Then I would know!


----------



## muskrat

Thank Enjoli, you just answered my question. I was going to ask what women preferred. The respectful or aggressive approach. If I am attracted to someone I want her to know, but I don't want her feel that I am pushy or only wanting sex. 
One of fears with being more respectful was that she would then think I'm not that into her. Why does this have to be so dang complicated!


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't like aggressive, Muskrat. No way. And I also don't like if a guy leaves me wondering if he's attracted at all. It's a fine line.


----------



## moxy

Some women don't pick up on subtlety. I, for instance, never know if a guy is into me unless he's aggressive or very bold with his words.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Some women don't pick up on subtlety. I, for instance, never know if a guy is into me unless he's aggressive or very bold with his words.


I am the opposite, perhaps I see too much into things, but I always know when a guy is attracted to me. 
But it becomes extremely difficult when I am into the guy... that is when I overanalyze everything and think they are not attracted to me.....rats!!


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> I don't like aggressive, Muskrat. No way. And I also don't like if a guy leaves me wondering if he's attracted at all. It's a fine line.


That fine line is the issue here. How much is enough and what is too much? To make matters more difficult it seems all you ladies prefer something a little different. :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm having a really bad evening. Crushing loneliness tonight.  The weather is gorgeous out and I want to sit out on my deck, but doing that alone sucks. Since I returned from my trip a couple of weeks ago, I have had ZERO motivation to do anything. I do nothing. Some evenings I walk, thats about it. I was going a little crazy before my trip getting various things ready and stuff, but now...nothing.
> 
> I am starting a part time job next Thursday, in addition to my full time one.
> I am totally bummed out about it, I SO dont want to work another job! But my money situation is just that bad. So I am bummed out and grateful at the same time. I desperately need to work out, and every fiber of my being DOES NOT want to. At all. I am emotional eating again, so am feeling down on myself about that. So, I am sitting here alone, crying. Bleh.
> 
> I thought I was doing pretty good. For the most part, I am fine with being by myself, but every now and then, this hits me. Stupid things like wishing I had someone to sit outside with and enjoy the weather with a drink. Or when holidays come around, like this past 4th of July, it hits me that I dont have someone to have plans with on days like that. And I think this is the first time that the tears have hit me over this.
> 
> Anyway. Thanks for letting me ramble.


Lots of hugs to you, I have felt the same way before. I have no advice for you as none of the wonderful advice people gave me worked. Just talk about your feelings, you will feel better soon. 
Hugs


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> Moxy brings up an interesting point. *How do you ladies feel about men online complimenting you on your looks?* I usually try not to say to much about a ladies appearance, don't want her to think I am only interested in her looks. I try to drop a compliment in the conversation here or there, but not make it a focal point. Should I be saying more? How much is to much?
> 
> .



I do not like it at all. Even when I met men in person, I do not like it. I feel that if they are complimenting me they just want to bang me. I will accept a "you look pretty, or you look nice" but that is about it.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> That fine line is the issue here. How much is enough and what is too much? To make matters more difficult it seems all you ladies prefer something a little different. :scratchhead:


Just look at her in the eye! Hold her gaze, if she smiles, you smile as well! 

I go gaga when men can hold my stare. I have a very very strong stare. 
Oh and use your words, tell her you would like to see her again!~


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> That fine line is the issue here. How much is enough and what is too much? To make matters more difficult it seems all you ladies prefer something a little different. :scratchhead:


Lol. You are right. We are all different. I suppose you just have to find one you mesh with. My advice is not to be overly sexual in talk/touch on the first date. But do say something like "You look really nice."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Lol. You are right. We are all different. I suppose you just have to find one you mesh with. My advice is not to be overly sexual in talk/touch on the first date. *But do say something like "You look really nice."*


:iagree:

You could also compliment what she has on, if you like it. I always know a man is "noticing" me when he says how much he likes my top, or even more direct, my jeans!


----------



## ne9907

I am confused and I do not want to make a big deal out of it. Becuase I know, that even you wonderful singles, roll your eyes and say "here we go again!! Werent you done with him?" at the mere mention of blue eyes....
Yes, here I go again, same old **** again...

But I am confused because of this:
We have been tryign to get together for about two weeks. He has been working overtime on a project.

We had made plans to go see "Lucy" last week, but he cancelled because he is extremely busy.
I said okay.
He made plans to go see this movie this weekend, but he cancel again because he will be working again on sat/sun. 
I went and watch it because I could not possibly wait any longer... seriously!

So I texted him last night to tell him how great I thought the movie was, and he was a bit sad I watched it without him.
But he also understood because as he put it, I am like a "kid on Christmas" when it comes to sci fi.
I did tell him that I would wait for him, and he said that 
that I would have to be patient with him right now because he is working too much overtime and it is very tiring. That he doesnt have time for anything.

I am glad he is not just blowing me off. My jealous mind is quiet, has no big conspiracy brewing about his sincerity. I am content. 
But I am confused. I feel he is a polite person for letting me know he will be busy.

What do you all think (yes, you can roll your eyes first


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I am confused and I do not want to make a big deal out of it. Becuase I know, that even you wonderful singles, roll your eyes and say "here we go again!! Werent you done with him?" at the mere mention of blue eyes....
> Yes, here I go again, same old **** again...
> 
> But I am confused because of this:
> We have been tryign to get together for about two weeks. He has been working overtime on a project.
> 
> We had made plans to go see "Lucy" last week, but he cancelled because he is extremely busy.
> I said okay.
> He made plans to go see this movie this weekend, but he cancel again because he will be working again on sat/sun.
> I went and watch it because I could not possibly wait any longer... seriously!
> 
> So I texted him last night to tell him how great I thought the movie was, and he was a bit sad I watched it without him.
> But he also understood because as he put it, I am like a "kid on Christmas" when it comes to sci fi.
> I did tell him that I would wait for him, and he said that
> that I would have to be patient with him right now because he is working too much overtime and it is very tiring. That he doesnt have time for anything.
> 
> I am glad he is not just blowing me off. My jealous mind is quiet, has no big conspiracy brewing about his sincerity. I am content.
> But I am confused. I feel he is a polite person for letting me know he will be busy.
> *
> What do you all think* (yes, you can roll your eyes first


Not much TO think, really, he sounds busy, and he is communicating with you.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> You could also compliment what she has on, if you like it. I always know a man is "noticing" me when he says how much he likes my top, or even more direct, my jeans!


I love this, too. Because I am a fashion girl/clothes person so when someone likes/appreciates what I am wearing, it makes me happy. 

Ne: I'm not sure what your confusion is. He couldn't go and told you and you saw the movie and told him you liked it, were sad that he couldn't see it. You guys are just FWB, right? No big deal.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> I am confused and I do not want to make a big deal out of it. Becuase I know, that even you wonderful singles, roll your eyes and say "here we go again!! Werent you done with him?" at the mere mention of blue eyes....
> Yes, here I go again, same old **** again...
> 
> But I am confused because of this:
> We have been tryign to get together for about two weeks. He has been working overtime on a project.
> 
> We had made plans to go see "Lucy" last week, but he cancelled because he is extremely busy.
> I said okay.
> He made plans to go see this movie this weekend, but he cancel again because he will be working again on sat/sun.
> I went and watch it because I could not possibly wait any longer... seriously!
> 
> So I texted him last night to tell him how great I thought the movie was, and he was a bit sad I watched it without him.
> But he also understood because as he put it, I am like a "kid on Christmas" when it comes to sci fi.
> I did tell him that I would wait for him, and he said that
> that I would have to be patient with him right now because he is working too much overtime and it is very tiring. That he doesnt have time for anything.
> 
> I am glad he is not just blowing me off. My jealous mind is quiet, has no big conspiracy brewing about his sincerity. I am content.
> But I am confused. I feel he is a polite person for letting me know he will be busy.
> 
> What do you all think (yes, you can roll your eyes first


For 2 people who are not a couple, you sure act like a couple! 
Stop over analyzing!!!!!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> For 2 people who are not a couple, you sure act like a couple!
> Stop over analyzing!!!!!


I know right ...
that is why it was confusing.


----------



## muskrat

I'm still trying to get a read on text girl. I am usually much better at telling if someone is into me or not, but she confuses me. Her I like to go slow approach is maddening. I get to thinking I am just plan B, but then she says something that makes me think otherwise. I hate mind games! She did hide her dating profile, only people she messages can see her now. 
So yesterday she told me about her bad day at work. We talked about it a little. This morning we did the good morning text thing then I just had this convo with her.
Me: Just sending a  in hopes that today is going better for you.
Her: Thank you! It is going better..So far. Hope you are having a good day too! 
Me: Hearing from you always makes my day better. 
Her: Awe thanks..
Same here
Me: Thanks 

Now I think I may have over did it a little. I know the was cheesy. I was going for sweet.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I'm still trying to get a read on text girl. I am usually much better at telling if someone is into me or not, but she confuses me. Her I like to go slow approach is maddening. I get to thinking I am just plan B, but then she says something that makes me think otherwise. I hate mind games! She did hide her dating profile, only people she messages can see her now.
> So yesterday she told me about her bad day at work. We talked about it a little. This morning we did the good morning text thing then I just had this convo with her.
> Me: Just sending a  in hopes that today is going better for you.
> Her: Thank you! It is going better..So far. Hope you are having a good day too!
> Me: Hearing from you always makes my day better.
> Her: Awe thanks..
> Same here
> Me: Thanks
> 
> Now I think I may have over did it a little. I know the was cheesy. I was going for sweet.


I still say she is a dead end, Rat. Sorry.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I'm still trying to get a read on text girl. I am usually much better at telling if someone is into me or not, but she confuses me. Her I like to go slow approach is maddening. I get to thinking I am just plan B, but then she says something that makes me think otherwise. I hate mind games! She did hide her dating profile, only people she messages can see her now.
> So yesterday she told me about her bad day at work. We talked about it a little. This morning we did the good morning text thing then I just had this convo with her.
> Me: Just sending a  in hopes that today is going better for you.
> Her: Thank you! It is going better..So far. Hope you are having a good day too!
> Me: Hearing from you always makes my day better.
> Her: Awe thanks..
> Same here
> Me: Thanks
> 
> Now I think I may have over did it a little. I know the was cheesy. I was going for sweet.


From my own experience, you are coming in too strong.
Back off. Do not send her good morning texts, just let her initiate the texting. 
Trust me on this, we are weird creatures. Let her chase you a bit.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I still say she is a dead end, Rat. Sorry.


There is a good possibility you are correct. At this point I really have nothing invested anyway. I'm not changing plans in hopes of seeing her or talking more. Last night I went and shot trap. This weekend I am going to my cabin with a friend. I'll be home on sunday, but neither her nor I have our kids this weekend and I'm still going. Not canceling or even asking about a fri or sat night meet. So other than a few minutes texting, I have changed nothing for her. Oh, I did hide my profile, not that that really makes a huge difference.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> From my own experience, you are coming in too strong.
> Back off. Do not send her good morning texts, just let her initiate the texting.
> Trust me on this, we are weird creatures. Let her chase you a bit.


I like that plan. I'm going to stop initiating for a little. If she disappears then I guess she really wasn't that interested.


----------



## FeministInPink

I'm going out with my fireman again tonight! Well, we're not actually going out, we're staying in... he's coming over to my place, and I'm making dinner.

OMG, I'm so excited!!! I got up at like 6 am this morning, which NEVER happens, because I can't wait  (So I cleaned for two hours, which was probably a smart move on my part.)


----------



## Jellybeans

Tinder is great for just chatting to randoms. Great way to waste time and laugh with people over a phone portal, too.
Ah, the future. 2014.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I'm still trying to get a read on text girl. I am usually much better at telling if someone is into me or not, but she confuses me.
> 
> Now I think I may have over did it a little. I know the was cheesy. I was going for sweet.


Hmm...you are like me. I can generally "read" people (or think I can -- HAHAHA!)

Bring me up to speed: what's the deal? Did you guys meet up yet? Is she putting it off? Have you asked her out? Lay off the "you always make my day better" til you get more of a feel for her.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I'm going out with my fireman again tonight! Well, we're not actually going out, we're staying in... he's coming over to my place, and I'm making dinner.


Yaaaaaaaaaay! What's the menu?


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Yaaaaaaaaaay! What's the menu?


FIP is on the menu...lol


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Hmm...you are like me. I can generally "read" people (or think I can -- HAHAHA!)
> 
> Bring me up to speed: what's the deal? Did you guys meet up yet? Is she putting it off? Have you asked her out? Lay off the "you always make my day better" til you get more of a feel for her.


Yep, I need to back it down. Those sweet cheesy lines just flow so easily for me.
Nope haven't met. I haven't asked since she told me she would like to get to know me better and take things slow. It seems she has had some negative experiences and is now extra cautious.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> FIP is on the menu...lol


Oh, I am definitely on the menu, and he is definitely hungry. 

In terms of food, I'm making shrimp scampi and prosciutto wrapped asparagus. Yum!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Tinder is great for just chatting to randoms. Great way to waste time and laugh with people over a phone portal, too.
> Ah, the future. 2014.


True, but the guys on there who just want to chat and never want to meet up? Irritating. I don't WANT to waste time with random chatting. I'm on Tinder for a REASON, yo.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Yep, I need to back it down. Those sweet cheesy lines just flow so easily for me.
> Nope haven't met. I haven't asked since she told me she would like to get to know me better and take things slow.


Ok. Well I say let her reach out to you. Since she wants to go slow.

Do not make her a priority at this point. Just have her as someone to text/banter with informally. And personally I am not into that "text for a million years before you meet up." No way, Jose.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I am definitely on the menu, and he is definitely hungry.
> 
> In terms of food, I'm making shrimp scampi and prosciutto wrapped asparagus. Yum!


Hehehe. You're gonna have fuuuuuuuuuun!



FeministInPink said:


> True, but the guys on there who just want to chat and never want to meet up? Irritating. I don't WANT to waste time with random chatting. I'm on Tinder for a REASON, yo.


I get it. Truly. But if it's someone you're not that attracted to but have good/light conversations, then why not?


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait... I amend that statement to Musk to say that I'm not into texting for a million years unless....we both have not much attraction to eachother and are both ok with just wasting time taking via phone texts. LOL. But that's why I told Musk not to put her as a high priority.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Hehehe. You're gonna have fuuuuuuuuuun!


So, is it acceptable for me to jump him BEFORE dinner, and then cook? Cause... that's pretty much what I'm gonna do. That way, we can have round 2 for dessert...

Because I didn't make dessert. Sh!t. Should I have made dessert? I have some instant pudding sitting around. And some old Halloween candy, I think.

Fvck it. He'll think it's adorable that I forgot dessert.



Jellybeans said:


> I get it. Truly. But if it's someone you're not that attracted to but have good/light conversations, then why not?


Fair enough. But I'm a busy woman, and I already have a ton of friends who are good for fun/light convo. If I wanted a pen pal, I would get a pen pal. But if it works for you, that's cool 

So, here's a question for the masses... how does one gracefully fade out from a Tinder convo? Just go dark? In addition to fireman, I've been chatting with several other guys on Tinder. One, mentioned previously, is vocal in his interest, but couldn't step up and make the meet. The others, while they don't show a clear level of interest, still respond (albeit slowly). My guess is they might be keeping me on the back burner in case another Tinder doesn't work out... which is kind of what I'm doing to them! Do I just do the fade? The mean "unmatch"? Or do I say something. 

They have potential if fireman doesn't work out.


----------



## muskrat

If pressured by any of them to meet or progress your relationship, just tell them that you recently met someone and would like to see where that goes before dating others.


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> If pressured by any of them to meet or progress your relationship, just tell them that you recently met someone and would like to see where that goes before dating others.


Good answer!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> So, is it acceptable for me to jump him BEFORE dinner, and then cook? Cause... that's pretty much what I'm gonna do. That way, we can have round 2 for dessert...
> 
> Because I didn't make dessert. Sh!t. Should I have made dessert? I have some instant pudding sitting around. And some old Halloween candy, I think.


Hehe. You ARE the dessert, dahling! 

This reminds me of when I invited Grandpa over for dinner. I was so flustered/nervous I could barely focus on cooking. He walked in the door with a bottle of wine in his hands and my legs felt like jelly. It's a wonder we got through the meal at all. He was asking me a question and I could barely answer it before we were kissing.

:smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> So, here's a question for the masses... how does one gracefully fade out from a Tinder convo?


If you're not feeling them at all, then just unmatch. 

If you still are interested, then respond every so often. 

Get you some, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. You ARE the dessert, dahling!
> 
> This reminds me of when I invited Grandpa over for dinner. I was so flustered/nervous I could barely focus on cooking. He walked in the door with a bottle of wine in his hands and my legs felt like jelly. It's a wonder we got through the meal at all. He was asking me a question and I could barely answer it before we were kissing.
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> If you're not feeling them at all, then just unmatch.
> 
> If you still are interested, then respond every so often.
> 
> Get you some, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!


Oh, it is on the minute he walks through the door! He knows it, too  I can't focus on ANYTHING else today. I have a one-track mind right now.

And I need to get some work done. Focus, FIP!


----------



## evolver

So Ygritte is sort-of back in play. I decided to message her one last time, mostly to say, eh... I tried, not sorry, but hopefully we can still be non-awkward friends, since we have mutual friends. She responded 5 minutes later, apologizing, saying she never saw my previous messages, saying she'd never be so rude as to ignore me outright. She then says "Invoking honesty as a strict policy, i have to say it (a date) wasn't something i would have considered unprompted, but I'd certainly be happy to accept and see if we click!"

She seems pretty un-invested, and clearly I misread signals. I've been smiling all day though, so I'm obviously over-invested. I'm trying to get that under control before responding. Also trying to think of something to do...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

evolver said:


> So Ygritte is sort-of back in play. I decided to message her one last time, mostly to say, eh... I tried, not sorry, but hopefully we can still be non-awkward friends, since we have mutual friends. She responded 5 minutes later, apologizing, saying she never saw my previous messages, saying she'd never be so rude as to ignore me outright. She then says "Invoking honesty as a strict policy, i have to say it (a date) wasn't something i would have considered unprompted, but I'd certainly be happy to accept and see if we click!"
> 
> She seems pretty un-invested, and clearly I misread signals. I've been smiling all day though, so I'm obviously over-invested. I'm trying to get that under control before responding. Also trying to think of something to do...


Wow, she makes you seem like nothing but an after-thought. Dont be too excited.


----------



## Jellybeans

evolver said:


> She then says "Invoking honesty as a strict policy, i have to say it (a date) wasn't something i would have considered unprompted, but I'd certainly be happy to accept and see if we click!"


Meh. Next. 

She blew you off, several times, once before the date and now she tells you she would "consider" it to see if you click.

LAME-O. I would probably something funny back. Because she is acting like she is doing YOU a favor. Like you're a charity case.

That's why I said to stay dark when she blew you off the second time... ah well. At least you know now how she feels.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, she makes you seem like nothing but an after-thought. Dont be too excited.


Right? I'd seriously be grossed out if someone said that to me... "honestly, I hadn't even considered you for a date but I'm willing to go out with you to see if we may click...you know, after I already blew you off."


----------



## Another Planet

muskrat said:


> Thank Enjoli, you just answered my question. I was going to ask what women preferred. The respectful or aggressive approach. If I am attracted to someone I want her to know, but I don't want her feel that I am pushy or only wanting sex.
> One of fears with being more respectful was that she would then think I'm not that into her. Why does this have to be so dang complicated!





Jellybeans said:


> I don't like aggressive, Muskrat. No way. And I also don't like if a guy leaves me wondering if he's attracted at all. It's a fine line.





moxy said:


> Some women don't pick up on subtlety. I, for instance, never know if a guy is into me unless he's aggressive or very bold with his words.


Thats why you just do it and if she doesn't respond positively then leave it at that and focus attention elsewhere. You don't need to be aggressive like the "dic pic'ers" or the "hey baby'ers" or the "can I touch your boobies?" guys, hit the small talk find out if your personalities even moderately match and if you are attracted physically just say something like "hey I like whats happening here would you like to go grab a coffee?".....
Personally I will tell a girl if I think she is pretty whenever I want...not that I do it like a dog...I do have little shame though. Just if I think she is pretty I will tell her in one way or another, you don't have to slobber all over when doing it either.


----------



## Another Planet

evolver said:


> So Ygritte is sort-of back in play. I decided to message her one last time, mostly to say, eh... I tried, not sorry, but hopefully we can still be non-awkward friends, since we have mutual friends. She responded 5 minutes later, apologizing, saying she never saw my previous messages, saying she'd never be so rude as to ignore me outright. She then says "Invoking honesty as a strict policy, i have to say it (a date) wasn't something i would have considered unprompted, but I'd certainly be happy to accept and see if we click!"
> 
> She seems pretty un-invested, and clearly I misread signals. I've been smiling all day though, so I'm obviously over-invested. I'm trying to get that under control before responding. Also trying to think of something to do...


Move on...smh


----------



## ne9907

evolver said:


> She then says "Invoking honesty as a strict policy, i have to say it (a date) wasn't something i would have considered unprompted, but I'd certainly be happy to accept and see if we click!"
> ...


Haha wow, that girl is honest to the point of making me want to vomit!!!

If a guy said that to me, I would simply delete all his information. But I would really like to say is 
"well fvck you too!!"


----------



## evolver

Yeah, kind of a turn off. I'm pretty sure she's referring to the age difference. When she wanted to ride with me after that hike, she told a story about how she only wants to date people older than her, then immediately asked how old I was... I saw that as a signal, but at the time, I was not considering her either. It took me a while to think, ok, there's an age difference, but maybe, just maybe. 41/29 by the way.


----------



## ne9907

evolver said:


> Yeah, kind of a turn off. I'm pretty sure she's referring to the age difference. When she wanted to ride with me after that hike, she told a story about how she only wants to date people older than her, then immediately asked how old I was... I saw that as a signal, but at the time, I was not considering her either. It took me a while to think, ok, there's an age difference, but maybe, just maybe. 41/29 by the way.


So she is 41 and you are 29? or the other way around?

I think you should start setting some stardards for yourself. Do not accept morsels of affections, go for the full enchilada!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

evolver said:


> Yeah, kind of a turn off. I'm pretty sure she's referring to the age difference. When she wanted to ride with me after that hike, she told a story about how she only wants to date people older than her, then immediately asked how old I was... I saw that as a signal, but at the time, I was not considering her either. It took me a while to think, ok, there's an age difference, but maybe, just maybe. 41/29 by the way.


Dude...save your efforts for a woman who sees you as a FVCK YES and cant keep her hands off you!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> And NO, no online dating!!


 same here. Isn't it fantastic?!? I am loving not dealing with the hassle.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> same here. Isn't it fantastic?!? I am loving not dealing with the hassle.


GOD YES. :smthumbup:


----------



## evolver

ne9907 said:


> So she is 41 and you are 29? or the other way around?
> 
> I think you should start setting some stardards for yourself. Do not accept morsels of affections, go for the full enchilada!!


I'm 41, she's 29. Ya'll are swaying me. The more I think about it, the more lame her comment seems. Maybe I should challenge her to clarify that before setting anything up.

If she's saying that because of the age difference, I felt the same way a few weeks ago, before I somehow managed to convince myself that maybe it's not a big deal. It probably is, and I only convinced myself of that because she's a ginger with model-looks, a big brain, and a dark side... right up my alley.

It's like I see the cliff edge and can't stop walking toward it. :scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

evolver said:


> I'm 41, she's 29. Ya'll are swaying me. The more I think about it, the more lame her comment seems. Maybe I should challenge her to clarify that before setting anything up.


Honestly, you really shouldnt bother trying to clarify. Or to set something up, for that matter. That comment was pretty clear. I think she was just thinking she could get a free meal and some drinks out of you.


----------



## ne9907

evolver said:


> I'm 41, she's 29. Ya'll are swaying me. The more I think about it, the more lame her comment seems. Maybe I should challenge her to clarify that before setting anything up.
> 
> If she's saying that because of the age difference, I felt the same way a few weeks ago, before I somehow managed to convince myself that maybe it's not a big deal. It probably is, and I only convinced myself of that because she's a ginger with model-looks, a big brain, and a dark side... right up my alley.
> 
> It's like I see the cliff edge and can't stop walking toward it. :scratchhead:


Clarify you should!~ 
However (because I have done it before), she KNOWS she has you in her pocket. She is not being very nice either, she knows she can say and act however she wants becasue SHE has you. So why bother being nice to you?? It will not make a difference.


----------



## Jellybeans

evolver said:


> Yeah, kind of a turn off. I'm pretty sure she's referring to the age difference. When she wanted to ride with me after that hike, she told a story about how she only wants to date people older than her, then immediately asked how old I was...


In the words of RD, "Meh." She she appeared to be flirting then flaked on you when you asked her out, three times... yeah, lame. Word to the wise: if the age difference really was an issue for her, she wouldn't have made that comment at all. I mean, wtf? She says she wants older, you ask her out, t hen she flakes, THREE times. EW. As Beyonce would say, "To the left, to the left." Get's to steppin'.



3Xnocharm said:


> Dude...save your efforts for a woman who sees you as a FVCK YES and cant keep her hands off you!


Yep. Exactly. And since evolver is newer around these parts, i'ts time for an education. Read here: 

http://markmanson.net/****-yes

It is our tribe's golden rule. Heed it. 



vi_bride04 said:


> same here. Isn't it fantastic?!? I am loving not dealing with the hassle.





3Xnocharm said:


> GOD YES. :smthumbup:


Hehe. Vi and 3x -- sisters in solidarity. Love it.



ne9907 said:


> Haha wow, that girl is honest to the point of making me want to vomit!!!
> 
> If a guy said that to me, I would simply delete all his information. But I would really like to say is
> *"well fvck you too!!*"


:rofl: Love this response the best. Or, you could pull a dark horse on her and just never respond back. Ain't nobody got time for that.


----------



## RandomDude

Good to see I'm rubbing off on some people! 

Meh!


----------



## Another Planet

JB link didn't work for me.

http://markmanson.net/****-yes

BAH!?! wtf that one doesn't work either...oh well just go to that site. Ddrop down menu "Articles"...then scroll down to "sex and dating" and it should be the first article. It's called "fvck yes or no".

There is also a book...by Reverend Wing F. Fing...I have it but have yet to get through it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh no. Seems I am getting firewalled or TAM is firewalling it because of the FCK word.

Anyone else care to post it for evolver?


----------



## Fenix

muskrat said:


> Yep, I need to back it down. Those sweet cheesy lines just flow so easily for me.
> Nope haven't met. I haven't asked since she told me she would like to get to know me better and take things slow. It seems she has had some negative experiences and is now extra cautious.


Well, I like sweet, cheesy lines and hate mind games.

But, we didn't do that until we had dated a few times (like 6).


----------



## whitehawk

Just an opinion but Rats is way too iffy and wonder offy type thing. Can't think how else to put it. l reckon if you persisted you'd end up on a date yeah but it's only some 1/2 hearted "maybe" thing to her, no fire .

Evolver's sounds like she's looking at the lolly stand with her finger on her lip, hmmm , l don't know what l feel like today .

my 2 cents worth :scratchhead:


----------



## evolver

So the verdict is, Ygritte couched it like that because she got the impression that I wasn't actually interested. She was probing on that hike. I seemed icy, so she assumed disinterest. 

Hate to admit, but that's probably true. I get that a lot. It's something I'm working on. Some unconscious defense mechanism. It seems my advance surprised her.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## movealong

I think I may be overextending myself a bit....

Talking to one that is too far away to "casually date", but have really enjoyed getting to know her, and i would like to meet her.

Have a breakfast date Saturday with a lady that we just started talking to each other on Monday. Red flag tho, she is separated and says on her profile it is "not an issue", but it is for me. I didn't look close enough before I agreed to the date.

Then Saturday night I have a date with the one that lives the closest and seems to be a really good match. 

On top of that, I am going to my sister's class reunion Friday where I will see several of her friends that used to have crushes on me. I don't know if any of them are single though, but I am going to look dapper walking in.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Oh no. Seems I am getting firewalled or TAM is firewalling it because of the FCK word.
> 
> Anyone else care to post it for evolver?


I couldnt do it at work either, here it is:

http://markmanson.net/****-yes

Edited.....Well crap it still doesnt work!


----------



## moxy

evolver said:


> So the verdict is, Ygritte couched it like that because she got the impression that I wasn't actually interested. She was probing on that hike. I seemed icy, so she assumed disinterest.
> 
> Hate to admit, but that's probably true. I get that a lot. It's something I'm working on. Some unconscious defense mechanism. It seems my advance surprised her.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


I get that a lot, too. Overly detached, despite feelings of intense like. For instance: I'm borderline obsessive with my crush on Guy, but the signals I was giving off read, to him, as "not really that interested". I was surprised, but it explains his distance (well, unless he's lied about being monogamous; that could explain it, too -- as could other things in life).

It's good that you're giving it a try.


----------



## moxy

I'm actually so overworked and exhausted that I want neither sex, nor cuddles, just sleep! But...too much to do.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

*"The Law of “Fvck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fvck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

The Law of “Fvck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fvck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them."*


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I doubt anyone can really make me say "Fk yes" considering how picky I am already + new standards since ex

Unless it's only on a merely physical level then they just get FWBised


----------



## Jellybeans

But those FWBs are your FVCK YES'es, RD.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> I get that a lot, too. Overly detached, despite feelings of intense like. For instance: I'm borderline obsessive with my crush on Guy, but the signals I was giving off read, to him, as "not really that interested". I was surprised, but it explains his distance (well, unless he's lied about being monogamous; that could explain it, too -- as could other things in life).
> 
> It's good that you're giving it a try.


Heh. I have gotten that too. So, evolver, good that you clarified and what is the downside of giving it a try? Just a bit of time.


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Ey? I doubt anyone can really make me say "Fk yes" considering how picky I am already + new standards since ex
> 
> Unless it's only on a merely physical level then they just get FWBised


Man, how boring for you.


----------



## Jellybeans

It's not boring for him. That's what he wants/how he rolls. Not everyone wants a dating/LTR/marriage.

He is going through this phase now.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> It's not boring for him. That's what he wants/how he rolls. Not everyone wants a dating/LTR/marriage.
> 
> He is going through this phase now.



Well, I am going to have to disagree. A FVck yeah doesn't mean a LTR. It means that someone sparks your interest and has that special something. It is zest. It is like Godiva chocolate vs hershey's. But hey, if he is into hershey's for now, fine.

Not everyone wants that zest at all times. Sometimes, boring is called for.

But it is still boring.

And, reading through his posts here, well...it looks like a defense mechanism.


----------



## Jellybeans

But that's just it. It's boring for you. Not for RD.

It's not for me to tell someone else what bores/excites them.

Different strokes.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Heh. I have gotten that too. So, evolver, good that you clarified and what is the downside of giving it a try? Just a bit of time.


yep l've done it to and put across the same thing.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I think I may be overextending myself a bit....
> 
> Talking to one that is too far away to "casually date", but have really enjoyed getting to know her, and i would like to meet her.
> 
> Have a breakfast date Saturday with a lady that we just started talking to each other on Monday. Red flag tho, she is separated and says on her profile it is "not an issue", but it is for me. I didn't look close enough before I agreed to the date.
> 
> Then Saturday night I have a date with the one that lives the closest and seems to be a really good match.
> 
> On top of that, I am going to my sister's class reunion Friday where I will see several of her friends that used to have crushes on me. I don't know if any of them are single though, but I am going to look dapper walking in.



Your firing move , your gonna need a holiday at this rate :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

l've got two issues , so what's new with me lately hey.

First of all , my new one that l couldn't go down to meet this wk because of my car , has disappeared.
Thing is , l lost her number , she hasn't been into the site for 2mths apart from the one time when she finally got my message.
l was spose to ring her and set something up for next wk but l can't and she'll probably think l've gone off her . But l'm actually more into her than ever because of some new stuff last time we talked , 6days ago. Then l lost all this stuff on my phone.
l can't get hold of her unless she decides to go to the site which l doubt because she's had this huge work stuff on. plus she'll think l've gone off. fk !


----------



## Jellybeans

Well. If she doesn't sign back on, there will be no getting back in touch with her.


----------



## whitehawk

2nd thing is , do you think l should meet this other one but l'm talking just as friends here.

l met this women , she's not really a chick type , she's much more the women type thing. lt's not a date or relationship interest from me , she's just such a cool lady l'd just like to meet , even spend some time around as friends.
sHE'S 43 and pretty heavy , like pretty heavy , but she's actually quite pretty none the less and has this long hair thing going on. 
There's just something about her , her life, thinking , it even comes across very strong on her profile, the way she talks,things she's said in her emails, ideals.er tastes , l dunno , l'd just really like to meet her. She's 2 1/2 hrs away .

Wondering, told her l'd love to come over sometime, spend a few hrs talking properly just as friends . l did sorta stress that , wondering if that side could backfire on her part . Don't know , l'd just love to meet her, spend some time with her.
Maybe it gets messy somehow , l don't need any more complications right now , l would like to meet her though !


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Well. If she doesn't sign back on, there will be no getting back in touch with her.



That's it . We've only spoken twice and she's met some real dooseys . l'm pretty sure she'll just think l must be another one if l don't ring. How the fk did this happen


----------



## Jellybeans

Well you said you lost her number, right? So that answers that.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> lt's not a date or relationship interest from me , she's just such a cool lady l'd just like to meet , even spend some time around as friends.
> 
> She's 2 1/2 hrs away .
> 
> Do you think l should . l've told her l'd love to come over sometime , meet her and spend a few hrs talking properly just as friends . l sorta stressed that , wondering if that side could backfire on her part .


As long as you are CLEAR that you ONLY want to meet as friends and you have zero interest beyond that. Honesty is the best policy.


----------



## whitehawk

l mean l spose it sounds weird, don't know. Although a lot of people on date sites do wanna just meet people to , mine has a section for meeting friends to on your page and a lot of people have it filled in.

She has had some very heavy on going drama to , wouldn't wanna get too caught up in it.


----------



## Jellybeans

2 1/2 hours is a lot to drive to just meet someone as a friend. If it were me, I wouldn't care enough to meet someone from that far away.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> 2 1/2 hours is a lot to drive to just meet someone as a friend. If it were me, I wouldn't care enough to meet someone from that far away.


:iagree:


----------



## whitehawk

Good point. Imagine how peed of you'd feel if 5mins after meeting her you can't stand the women to :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> *"The Law of “Fvck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fvck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
> 
> The Law of “Fvck Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Fvck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them."*



The sooner l get back to that very simple principal the better of l'll be :smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

How long after first messaging do you all wait to meet? What is the normal length of chatting before meeting? I usually try to meet asap. I figure real life is where you can decide if someone is a fvck yes or a no. Of course I may be trying to set up meets to soon?


----------



## whitehawk

l was just playing it by ear myself.
A few at the start l met within a few days but then l started to string it out more. A wk , more . 
Some guys in another thread though got me thinking a bit , maybe l string it out too much.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> How long after first messaging do you all wait to meet? What is the normal length of chatting before meeting? I usually try to meet asap. I figure real life is where you can decide if someone is a fvck yes or a no. Of course I may be trying to set up meets to soon?


It depends on what she is more comfortable with. Some women prefer to text/talk on the phone for a few days first. Some women are down with meeting when they have a free day. 

I always try to build comfort first with talking over the phone for at least a few days, keeping everything exciting and fun, and then suggest a meetup. You get less flakes when you have more comfort there.


----------



## Nsweet

I saw the most beautiful girl on the train yesterday and I just have to share. 

It wasn't so much what she wasn't wearing, it was what she was wearing. Early 20-something, long hair, mixed latina/white, open toed sandals, blue sundress and a sweater (ARE YOU KIDDING ME!), and the girls where there but they weren't all the way out there. 

I was like "Damn, look at what she's wearing. Girl got class!":rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> How long after first messaging do you all wait to meet? What is the normal length of chatting before meeting? I usually try to meet asap. I figure real life is where you can decide if someone is a fvck yes or a no. Of course I may be trying to set up meets to soon?


I prefer to meet asap, if conversation is going well. I dont want to drag things out only to find out its a big NO. So, I dunno, couple days?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm actually so overworked and exhausted that I want neither sex, nor cuddles, just sleep! But...too much to do.


I am working on deadlines at work, very mentally exhausting, but I am still extremely horny.... I want sex.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am working on deadlines at work, very mentally exhausting, but I am still extremely horny.... I want sex.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> l was just playing it by ear myself.
> A few at the start l met within a few days but then l started to string it out more. A wk , more .
> Some guys in another thread though got me thinking a bit , maybe l string it out too much.


I have to agree with them, Hawk...sh!t or get off the pot!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> How long after first messaging do you all wait to meet? What is the normal length of chatting before meeting? I usually try to meet asap. I figure real life is where you can decide if someone is a fvck yes or a no. Of course I may be trying to set up meets to soon?


I am one of those who prefer to meet after I get to know the individual more. I like to text with them for one to two weeks before initial meeting.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hopefully you see her again so you can say Hi, Nsweet.



muskrat said:


> How long after first messaging do you all wait to meet? What is the normal length of chatting before meeting?


It all depends. Some guys have asked me out straight away. Others I text a bit more with. It all depends how much I want to see them, too. LOL. 

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to meet up after a few exchanges that you feel are light/nice. I did have one guy just text me hi and tell me he was drunk and to call him. Right off the bat. I was like, NO.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I have to agree with them, Hawk...sh!t or get off the pot!


:rofl:

You're funny when you're feisty.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Hopefully you see her again so you can say Hi, Nsweet.


I hope so. Yesterday though, I was just trying not to eye f*ck her too hard. 

You want to know what my first thought about her was. She had this Madonna stud in the middle of her upper lips and tongue ring that was a little juvenile, but the pissed off look in her eyes was all grown up. I thought to myself, _"I want to take her home.... and argue with her all night."_


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> I am one of those who prefer to meet after I get to know the individual more. I like to text with them for one to two weeks before initial meeting.


I usually try to set up a meet after a few days of texting. I figure why waste my time texting only to meet and have no connection. I realize not everyone is like that though. First meets can be scary, especially for a woman. She is basically meeting a total stranger that could be anyone.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I hope so. Yesterday though, I was just trying not to eye f*ck her too hard.


Nothing wrong with eye f*cking. It's safe, doesn't lead to any emotional confusion, and never results in pregnancy. 



Nsweet said:


> You want to know what my first thought about her was. She had this Madonna stud in the middle of her upper lips and tongue ring that was a little juvenile, but the pissed off look in her eyes was all grown up. I thought to myself, _"I want to take her home.... and argue with her all night."_


Cute. 




muskrat said:


> First meets can be scary, especially for a woman. She is basically meeting a total stranger that could be anyone.


Thank you for saying this.

:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

muskrat said:


> First meets can be scary, especially for a woman. She is basically meeting a total stranger that could be anyone.



What a considerate statement! If only more men were thoughtful. Most guys just get mad that you don't wanna get right to it right away. The first meeting should always be in public, at the least.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> I am one of those who prefer to meet after I get to know the individual more. I like to text with them for one to two weeks before initial meeting.


This brings me back to text girl. Tomorrow will be one week since she gave me her number. I asked her out a few days later (2) she responded that she would like to get to know me better first. Most here have told me to write her off, but maybe she is like NE?
I did kind of put her on the spot yesterday. I gave her a **** or get off the pot text in a really nice way. I figured I would never hear from her again. But, last night she blew up my phone texting. Of course she hasn't agreed to meet yet. I'll give her a few more days, if no progress is made, I'm gone.

On the flip side, the other lady I've been talking too seems willing and ready to move ahead. Depending how this plays out I may have 2 different dates this weekend. That by itself stresses me. I've never multi dated. It's just not my thing.:scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> This brings me back to text girl. Tomorrow will be one week since she gave me her number. I asked her out a few days later (2) she responded that she would like to get to know me better first. Most here have told me to write her off, but maybe she is like NE?
> I did kind of put her on the spot yesterday. I gave her a **** or get off the pot text in a really nice way. I figured I would never hear from her again. But, last night she blew up my phone texting. Of course she hasn't agreed to meet yet. I'll give her a few more days, if no progress is made, I'm gone.
> 
> On the flip side, the other lady I've been talking too seems willing and ready to move ahead. Depending how this plays out I may have 2 different dates this weekend. That by itself stresses me. I've never multi dated. It's just not my thing.:scratchhead:


I dont think it will be an issue, because I dont see text girl actually following through.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I met someone off Tindr. He offered to walk me to my car (which was in the parking garage, highly populated). I said yes but really, that could have been anything, you know? 

How do you ladies feel about a guy you met offline walking you to your car?


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> I usually try to set up a meet after a few days of texting. I figure why waste my time texting only to meet and have no connection. I realize not everyone is like that though. First meets can be scary, especially for a woman. She is basically meeting a total stranger that could be anyone.


Just texting? You want to text as little as possible if you can. Phone calls are more personal and genuine, but texting is a good way to stay in touch when you're both busy. 

Take it from my experience, you can suggest meeting up but if she doesn't feel comfortable with you yet don't push it. Some women will not trust you enough or feel comfortable enough to meet up if they feel they don't know you yet. Or they may agree now only to flake later. You kinda have to work on her level in order to meet her.


----------



## Nsweet

jellybeans said:


> well i met someone off tindr. He offered to walk me to my car (which was in the parking garage, highly populated). I said yes but really, that could have been anything, you know?
> 
> How do you ladies feel about a guy you met offline walking you to your car?


boundaries!


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> . I gave her a **** or get off the pot text in a really nice way.


What did you say specifically?



muskrat said:


> .On the flip side, the other lady I've been talking too seems willing and ready to move ahead. Depending how this plays out I may have 2 different dates this weekend. That by itself stresses me. I've never multi dated. It's just not my thing.:scratchhead:


Hehehe. I find it confusing too. I had three-four guys off Tinder asking me out for the same weekend. two have asked me to meet next week. and one guy said "Don't unmatch meee." It was cute.


----------



## muskrat

moxy said:


> What a considerate statement! If only more men were thoughtful. Most guys just get mad that you don't wanna get right to it right away. The first meeting should always be in public, at the least.


Text girl really likes fishing and lives near a Cabelas. I suggested our first meet be at Cabelas. Not real romantic I know, but it is a very public place and has an easy exit if things are awkward.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Nothing wrong with eye f*cking. It's safe, doesn't lead to any emotional confusion, and never results in pregnancy.


Yeah, bust you still have to be careful.... 

Eye f*cking is how you catch cooties.


----------



## Jellybeans

Musk, we are so alike in some things. I get all confused/feeling weird about that many dates, too. And all questioning what the other person thinks, etc. Do I hang in or not? 

And you and I both have that problem with people sometimes being super into us. One guy I went out with recently would not stop staring at me to the point it was making me uncomfortable and kept saying how fun I was. I was like, "Here we go again."


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, bust you still have to be careful....
> 
> Eye f*cking is how you catch cooties.


Not me. 

It serves for great fantasy in my head.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> This brings me back to text girl. Tomorrow will be one week since she gave me her number. I asked her out a few days later (2) she responded that she would like to get to know me better first. Most here have told me to write her off, but maybe she is like NE?


So she told you what her boundaries were. 

"I won't meet you until I know you better"



> I did kind of put her on the spot yesterday. I gave her a *sh!t or get off the pot text in a really nice way. I figured I would never hear from her again. But, last night she blew up my phone texting. Of course she hasn't agreed to meet yet. I'll give her a few more days, if no progress is made, I'm gone.


Dude. You blew it. You gave her an ultimatum. You never give a girl you're sorta talking to an ultimatum just one week after you get her number. 

If she did that to you, you'd be pissed and blowing up her phone too.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont think it will be an issue, because I dont see text girl actually following through.


That could be very true, but then why the hell does she keep contacting me? Telling me about her day, asking about mine. Asking my likes and dislikes. Last night she made a comment about when we meet "we should do something simple and easy, no stress". Dang this woman confuses me. :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> So she told you what her boundaries were.
> 
> "I won't meet you until I know you better"
> 
> Dude. You blew it. You gave her an ultimatum.
> If she did that to you, you'd be pissed and blowing up her phone too.


You could be right, Nsweet. He could have just faded her out if he wasn't into her or just said he wasn't interested. Or he just told her "I work at a different speed and this doesn't work for me." And then she started blowing up his phone once she felt him cooling. Reverse psychology.

Ah, dating in the time of technology.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> That could be very true, but then why the hell does she keep contacting me? Telling me about her day, asking about mine. Asking my likes and dislikes. Last night she made a comment about when we meet "we should do something simple and easy, no stress". Dang this woman confuses me. :scratchhead:


If it's not a FVCK YES............

What did you say to her?


----------



## muskrat

Nsweet said:


> Dude. You blew it. You gave her an ultimatum. You never give a girl you're sorta talking to an ultimatum just one week after you get her number.
> 
> If she did that to you, you'd be pissed and blowing up her phone too.


That's what I figured. But she blew up my phone in a good way. Asking about my day, apologizing for being busy and not able to talk much, telling me about her life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> That's what I figured. But she blew up my phone in a good way. Asking about my day, apologizing for being busy and not able to talk much, telling me about her life.


But she still will not actually TALK to you on the phone, right?


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> But that's just it. It's boring for you. Not for RD.
> 
> It's not for me to tell someone else what bores/excites them.
> 
> Different strokes.



He hasn't said that it is not boring. 

Sometimes, boring is fine and what is necessary.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> If it's not a FVCK YES............
> 
> What did you say to her?


I said how about noon on sunday we meet at cabelas. if things go well we can grab some lunch.
Her response was I'll think about it.
Uggh, I know that's a fvck no. I figured I would wait it out. if she meets me great, if not, I'm done.


----------



## Fenix

muskrat said:


> How long after first messaging do you all wait to meet? What is the normal length of chatting before meeting? I usually try to meet asap. I figure real life is where you can decide if someone is a fvck yes or a no. Of course I may be trying to set up meets to soon?


One week after first emails (more or less) which may number at about 7 -8. I don't text until after I have met them. I don't like to give my phone number out.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> But she still will not actually TALK to you on the phone, right?


She did last night after blowing up my phone.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> I said how about noon on sunday we meet at cabelas. if things go well we can grab some lunch.
> Her response was I'll think about it.
> Uggh, I know that's a fvck no. I figured I would wait it out. if she meets me great, if not, I'm done.


This woman is a total FLAKE, Rat. How bout I meet you at Cabela's instead??


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I said how about noon on sunday we meet at cabelas. if things go well we can grab some lunch.
> *Her response was I'll think about it.*


Move on, homie.

Or just keep her as a text friend. 



muskrat said:


> Uggh, I know that's a fvck no.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> This woman is a total FLAKE, Rat. How bout I meet you at Cabela's instead??


I like this idea. 3x is way cooler than the flake. Plus you can compare notes about all the CRAZY dating stories on TAM and advise each other. LOL.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> This woman is a total FLAKE, Rat. How bout I meet you at Cabela's instead??


I'll be there sunday at noon.  I'm going regardless, I have a gift card from Christmas I need to use. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> I like this idea. 3x is way cooler than the flake. Plus you can compare notes about all the CRAZY dating stories on TAM and advise each other. LOL.


3X won't give me her number. I think she's a flake. :rofl:

j/k 3x


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> You could be right, Nsweet. He could have just faded her out if he wasn't into her or just said he wasn't interested. Or he just told her "I work at a different speed and this doesn't work for me." And then she started blowing up his phone once she felt him cooling. Reverse psychology.
> 
> Ah, dating in the time of technology.


No. He was chasing her. When he stopped chasing her she feared losing him and wanted him even more. 

It's PUA psychology. You show a woman you're interest and then disqualify yourself (or her), taking yourself out of the circle of men that constantly chase her for sex, and that makes her want you more.... Assuming she likes you enough to want to have sex with you.


muskrat said:


> That's what I figured. But she blew up my phone in a good way. Asking about my day, apologizing for being busy and not able to talk much, telling me about her life.


See. She likes you, but she's not comfortable with meeting you yet. 

Chill out and keep talking to her like you did in the beginning. Work on building comfort and trust and then take her someplace a little more exciting than a sporting goods store.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Move on, homie.
> 
> Or just keep her as a text friend.


I figured as much also. That's why I was on the phone with a different woman when text girl started blowing up my phone.


----------



## Nsweet

The Six Ways You'll Try to Get Out of the Friend Zone - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> I figured as much also. That's why I was on the phone with a different woman when text girl started blowing up my phone.


You's a playa,

Just kidding. 

Good for you.


----------



## Fenix

The I will think about it response would knock her off of my radar, if I were you. What a weenie response.

And just so you people know (!) some of us don't like to talk on the phone.  I think with the guy I am seeing, we have talked maybe 5 times in 6 months. 2500 texts/month and lots of dates though.  Of course, he obviously feels the same way as I do about the phone.


----------



## Nsweet

muskrat said:


> I figured as much also. That's why I was on the phone with a different woman when text girl started blowing up my phone.


Women have a sixth sense for that.

"Oh, he's talking to other women..... I better try harder.":smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> The Six Ways You'll Try to Get Out of the Friend Zone - YouTube


Haha. I glanced at it. Cute.

I love the thing that says "She's like a sister to you. A sexy, sexy sister."

Do guys really get mad about the friendzone? I mean, like does every guy really want to nail his female friend (if she's attractive to him)? Or, is it just sex cross their mind? Like what it would be like with her?


----------



## Jellybeans

Fenix said:


> The I will think about it response would knock her off of my radar, if I were you. What a weenie response.


Hehe. "Weenie!" indeed. Love it!



Fenix said:


> I think with the guy I am seeing, we have talked maybe 5 times in 6 months. 2500 texts/month and lots of dates though.  Of course, he obviously feels the same way as I do about the phone.


 It has happened again.

Fenix, I thought you were a MALE poster! Haha. Sometimes I confuse the males/females on here cause the name isn't ultra masculine/feminine.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> You's a playa,
> 
> Just kidding.
> 
> Good for you.


I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. 
I'm just more intrigued with text girl, but that could change as I get to know these ladies better. 

I don't know how people handle multi dating. I'm just talking to two women and I hid my profile. I couldn't handle anymore at this time. :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

I just think the idea is harder for some of us than others, Musk. Nothing wrong with that.


----------



## Nsweet

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I glanced at it. Cute.
> 
> I love the thing that says "She's like a sister to you. A sexy, sexy sister."
> 
> Do guys really get mad about the friendzone? I mean, like does every guy really want to nail his female friend (if she's attractive to him)? Or, is it just sex cross? Like what it would be like with her?


Do guys have d!cks? There's your answer.

No, we don't all try to nail our chick friends or colleges. At least I don't. I find most of my female friends and coworkers attractive but annoying. Like they have everything you'd want if you were trapped on a desert island, but you wouldn't want to date them.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I glanced at it. Cute.
> 
> I love the thing that says "She's like a sister to you. A sexy, sexy sister."
> 
> *Do guys really get mad about the friendzone*? I mean, like does every guy really want to nail his female friend (if she's attractive to him)? Or, is it just sex cross? Like what it would be like with her?


I am not a guy but I can answer this, yes, they hate the friendzone!!!

I have put about 4 guys in the friend zone, one (who was kind of creepy) finally got mad at me and stopped texting me all together. I do not mind becasue he would text me every single day and even though we never met, he would say things like "I just want to lay my head on your chest and listen to your heart beat..."


----------



## FeministInPink

Y'all are probably going to smack me with a 2x4, but here goes...

I think I've got myself a boyfriend.

Yes, I know this is fast, so yes, I'm going to be cautious.

Fireman was at my place last night. We had an amazing evening. Towards the end of the night, he was saying how he was going to miss me while I was gone (I'm going to NYC for 3 days, leaving tonight, and going to Pennsylvania for 7 days after that), and I said, well, you get to see me on Sunday now (I'm taking an earlier bus back to DC), so it's not like I'll be gone for a whole 10 days, it will only be a week. And he made a joke about how he'll have to go out with some other girls while I'm gone, and I said I didn't know how I felt about that. (I had already told him that I don't date around, I'm a one-man kind of woman.) We discussed it (which took a little while, because I still have a hard time vocalizing what I want), and we agreed that we would like to date one another exclusively, and see how it goes... it's apparently a fvck yes from both directions 

Seriously, I don't remember EVER having this much chemistry with a guy before. We can't keep our hands off each other. It's just... amazing. I have a feeling that I am going to have the best sex of my life with this guy.

So, we're going to see each other on Sunday (god, that seems SOOOO FAR AWAY), and then it will be a whole week...


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Y'all are probably going to smack me with a 2x4, but here goes...
> 
> I think I've got myself a boyfriend.
> 
> Yes, I know this is fast, so yes, I'm going to be cautious.
> 
> Fireman was at my place last night. We had an amazing evening. Towards the end of the night, he was saying how he was going to miss me while I was gone (I'm going to NYC for 3 days, leaving tonight, and going to Pennsylvania for 7 days after that), and I said, well, you get to see me on Sunday now (I'm taking an earlier bus back to DC), so it's not like I'll be gone for a whole 10 days, it will only be a week. And he made a joke about how he'll have to go out with some other girls while I'm gone, and I said I didn't know how I felt about that. (I had already told him that I don't date around, I'm a one-man kind of woman.) We discussed it (which took a little while, because I still have a hard time vocalizing what I want), and we agreed that we would like to date one another exclusively, and see how it goes... it's apparently a fvck yes from both directions
> 
> Seriously, I don't remember EVER having this much chemistry with a guy before. We can't keep our hands off each other. It's just... amazing. I have a feeling that I am going to have the best sex of my life with this guy.
> 
> So, we're going to see each other on Sunday (god, that seems SOOOO FAR AWAY), and then it will be a whole week...


YAY!!! Congratulations~~
And for those who think Tinder doesnt work, Do not lose hope


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Y'all are probably going to smack me with a 2x4, but here goes...
> 
> *I think I've got myself a boyfriend.
> *
> 
> 
> and we agreed that we would like to date one another exclusively, and see how it goes... *it's apparently a fvck yes from both directions
> *


:rofl: Omg. Love this! Two dates? 

Hey if you are on the same page, then go for it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> 3X won't give me her number. I think she's a flake. :rofl:
> 
> j/k 3x


Oh HA HA! Dude...ya gotta ask for it...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Y'all are probably going to smack me with a 2x4, but here goes...
> 
> I think I've got myself a boyfriend.
> 
> Yes, I know this is fast, so yes, I'm going to be cautious.
> 
> Fireman was at my place last night. We had an amazing evening. Towards the end of the night, he was saying how he was going to miss me while I was gone (I'm going to NYC for 3 days, leaving tonight, and going to Pennsylvania for 7 days after that), and I said, well, you get to see me on Sunday now (I'm taking an earlier bus back to DC), so it's not like I'll be gone for a whole 10 days, it will only be a week. And he made a joke about how he'll have to go out with some other girls while I'm gone, and I said I didn't know how I felt about that. (I had already told him that I don't date around, I'm a one-man kind of woman.) We discussed it (which took a little while, because I still have a hard time vocalizing what I want), and we agreed that we would like to date one another exclusively, and see how it goes... it's apparently a fvck yes from both directions
> 
> Seriously, I don't remember EVER having this much chemistry with a guy before. We can't keep our hands off each other. It's just... amazing. I have a feeling that I am going to have the best sex of my life with this guy.
> 
> So, we're going to see each other on Sunday (god, that seems SOOOO FAR AWAY), and then it will be a whole week...


Omg I'm so jealous!! This is what I want to find! Well, the chemistry part and wanting to be exclusive part anyway...no idea what kind of bf he actually is yet.


----------



## ne9907

So FIP your post reminded me that a few months ago, blue eyes and I agreed to see each other exclusively. We did not have the talk, but it came out. I cant remember the exact conversation, but I never really took him seriously because he was still active on Tinder.

But I shall not steal your thunder anymore!~

Yay for you guys!!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Huh? I thought you said he was only a FWB?

I didn't know Blue Eyes was yoru BOYYYYFRIEND.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Y'all are probably going to smack me with a 2x4, but here goes...
> 
> I think I've got myself a boyfriend.
> 
> Yes, I know this is fast, so yes, I'm going to be cautious.
> 
> Fireman was at my place last night. We had an amazing evening. Towards the end of the night, he was saying how he was going to miss me while I was gone (I'm going to NYC for 3 days, leaving tonight, and going to Pennsylvania for 7 days after that), and I said, well, you get to see me on Sunday now (I'm taking an earlier bus back to DC), so it's not like I'll be gone for a whole 10 days, it will only be a week. And he made a joke about how he'll have to go out with some other girls while I'm gone, and I said I didn't know how I felt about that. (I had already told him that I don't date around, I'm a one-man kind of woman.) We discussed it (which took a little while, because I still have a hard time vocalizing what I want), and we agreed that we would like to date one another exclusively, and see how it goes... it's apparently a fvck yes from both directions
> 
> Seriously, I don't remember EVER having this much chemistry with a guy before. We can't keep our hands off each other. It's just... amazing. I have a feeling that I am going to have the best sex of my life with this guy.
> 
> So, we're going to see each other on Sunday (god, that seems SOOOO FAR AWAY), and then it will be a whole week...


Ok so yea for good sexy sex and liking someone...

Just a word of caution from my experiences...I know that anytime I have serious chemistry with someone right off the bat, they are bad news for me...and Ive seen that rings true with several of the ladies here as well.

Remember watch the actions not words, and guys flip quickly, especially if sex has already happened...

Have FUN!


----------



## Nsweet

I found this video last week. I laughed so hard. Watch the whole thing.... She really gets it good in the end.

Teens are terrible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG2JhrgELB0


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Huh? I thought you said he was only a FWB?
> 
> I didn't know Blue Eyes was yoru BOYYYYFRIEND.


he is not my boyfriend. We just have sex with each other, that is it.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> He is not my boyfriend. We just have sex with each other, that is it.


Best t-shirt idea EVER! 

You'll make a killing selling these around high schools and during the gay parade.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> he is not my boyfriend. We just have sex with each other, that is it.


Oh. That's confusing as hell because you said this:



ne9907 said:


> So FIP your post reminded me that a few months ago, *blue eyes and I agreed to see each other exclusively.* We did not have the talk, but it came out.


LOL.



Nsweet said:


> I found this video last week. I laughed so hard. Watch the whole thing.... She really gets it good in the end.
> 
> Teens are terrible.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG2JhrgELB0


Eh..I clicked on that and toward the end it had a "natural birthing" video of a woman squatting, ready to give birth. I am completely terrified now. LOL.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Best t-shirt idea EVER!
> 
> You'll make a killing selling these around high schools and during the gay parade.:rofl:


:rofl:
yeah... well we are not boyfriend/girlfriend for sure.
That should totally be my signature from now on

"He is not my boyfriend. We just have sex with each other exclusively, that is it.


----------



## Nsweet

What are you watching JB!? You know youtube uses targeted ads a lot. After that video I had a bunch of vids about cheaters caught on tape.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :rofl:
> yeah... well we are not boyfriend/girlfriend for sure.
> That should totally be my signature from now on
> 
> "He is not my boyfriend. We just have sex with each other exclusively, that is it.


He's not my "boyfriend". He's just a "friend" I'm sleeping with, and "boy" is he good.

There you go hon.:smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. "Weenie!" indeed. Love it!
> 
> 
> 
> It has happened again.
> 
> Fenix, I thought you were a MALE poster! Haha. Sometimes I confuse the males/females on here cause the name isn't ultra masculine/feminine.





All woman, but sometimes, I communicate like a guy. You know...all direct and ****. :rofl:


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> Y'all are probably going to smack me with a 2x4, but here goes...
> 
> I think I've got myself a boyfriend.
> 
> Yes, I know this is fast, so yes, I'm going to be cautious.
> 
> Fireman was at my place last night. We had an amazing evening. Towards the end of the night, he was saying how he was going to miss me while I was gone (I'm going to NYC for 3 days, leaving tonight, and going to Pennsylvania for 7 days after that), and I said, well, you get to see me on Sunday now (I'm taking an earlier bus back to DC), so it's not like I'll be gone for a whole 10 days, it will only be a week. And he made a joke about how he'll have to go out with some other girls while I'm gone, and I said I didn't know how I felt about that. (I had already told him that I don't date around, I'm a one-man kind of woman.) We discussed it (which took a little while, because I still have a hard time vocalizing what I want), and we agreed that we would like to date one another exclusively, and see how it goes... it's apparently a fvck yes from both directions
> 
> Seriously, I don't remember EVER having this much chemistry with a guy before. We can't keep our hands off each other. It's just... amazing. I have a feeling that I am going to have the best sex of my life with this guy.
> 
> So, we're going to see each other on Sunday (god, that seems SOOOO FAR AWAY), and then it will be a whole week...


Woohoo! Enjoy! Why not? Take it day by day and enjoy the heck out of it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> What are you watching JB!? You know youtube uses targeted ads a lot. After that video I had a bunch of vids about cheaters caught on tape.


I watched the video you linked. At the end, Youtube always pops up about 6 more videos to click on. Which is where the birthing one was.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> YAY!!! Congratulations~~
> And for those who think Tinder doesnt work, Do not lose hope


Who knows? We might break up in a week, so I wouldn't be the model success story. Though I don't think that is going to happen.

I also got stood up a whole bunch of times by Tinder dates; this was the first one that actually happened.



Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Omg. Love this! Two dates?
> 
> Hey if you are on the same page, then go for it.


Two of the best dates I've ever had. Clearly.



3Xnocharm said:


> Omg I'm so jealous!! This is what I want to find! Well, the chemistry part and wanting to be exclusive part anyway...no idea what kind of bf he actually is yet.


Definitely too early to tell on that front. He's still in the "trying to impress her" stage. 

I have no idea what kind of girlfriend I'll be! I haven't done this in SUCH a long time, I... kind of don't know what to do! I think I'm a good girlfriend, but whether I'm a good girlfriend for HIM may be different. He said he wants a loving, supportive, drama-free relationship; I'm always drama-free, unless the man gives me a reason NOT to be. So, we'll see.



unsure78 said:


> Ok so yea for good sexy sex and liking someone...
> 
> Just a word of caution from my experiences...I know that anytime I have serious chemistry with someone right off the bat, they are bad news for me...and Ive seen that rings true with several of the ladies here as well.
> 
> Remember watch the actions not words, and guys flip quickly, especially if sex has already happened...
> 
> Have FUN!


I did have one relationship before where the chemistry was ALMOST this good, and that was the best relationship I ever had. I was devastated when he broke up with me. Turns out he was gay.

So maybe Fireman should be careful 

But seriously. Unsure, I hear you. I will be paying very close attention. My XH pulled a flip, and I gave everything trying to get us back to our previous state, and it nearly destroyed me emotionally. I do not intend to go through that again.



Fenix said:


> Woohoo! Enjoy! Why not? Take it day by day and enjoy the heck out of it.


That's my plan. At this point, I have no designs or daydreams about the future, I'm just taking it one day at a time and having fun. We'll see if this can grow, or it might just stay as it is.


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


>


Mila Kunis... I doubt I could keep the butterflies from fluttering if I had HER as a FWB lol


----------



## Jellybeans

RD, she is a hottie.

Mr. Ex Jellybenas and I had "celebrities that we could allow each other to" with and his was Mila. LOL. I was like, Well you do have good taste! (I mean, he married me). Lol


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Two of the best dates I've ever had. Clearly.


So...did you guys ever make it to the dessert?

Kidding. Happy for you, chick!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> So...did you guys ever make it to the dessert?
> 
> Kidding. Happy for you, chick!


Didn't even start cooking dinner until 2.5 hrs in 

Oh, did I fail to mention that I opened the door wearing a towel? He was early and I was taking a shower.

:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Didn't even start cooking dinner until 2.5 hrs in
> 
> Oh, did I fail to mention that I opened the door wearing a towel? He was early and I was taking a shower.
> 
> :rofl:


:rofl::rofl::rofl::smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> Didn't even start cooking dinner until 2.5 hrs in
> 
> Oh, did I fail to mention that I opened the door wearing a towel? He was early and I was taking a shower.
> 
> :rofl:


Oh, and he asked if I could do that every time he comes to my place from now on.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I think you need to share a pic of Hot Fireman!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you need to share a pic of Hot Fireman!


:iagree:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Well I met someone off Tindr. He offered to walk me to my car (which was in the parking garage, highly populated). I said yes but really, that could have been anything, you know?
> 
> How do you ladies feel about a guy you met offline walking you to your car?


He was being a gentleman, and he wanted to spend more time with you. I like when a man (if I dig him) offers to walk me to my car.


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> I figured as much also. That's why I was on the phone with a different woman when text girl started blowing up my phone.



A total player! omg....
I thought I was your one and only .....


----------



## ne9907

Ugh... It is 109 degrees, bored! Want to skip the gym~
Anyway. 
Another thread gave me the idea to ask this:

What is one of the best compliments you have received from the opposite sex?

Mine
Upon meeting someone new, he looked familiar so I asked him if I have ever met him before.

His gaze was so intent when he responded: "Oh no, I would remember you"
putting emphasis on "you" made me blush!!


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> That could be very true, but then why the hell does she keep contacting me? Telling me about her day, asking about mine. Asking my likes and dislikes. Last night she made a comment about when we meet "we should do something simple and easy, no stress". Dang this woman confuses me. :scratchhead:



l can always tell in my own sitch but other peoples are really tricky . But she does sound interested , like she's building. Might just be a slow burner , that's cool.
l'm pretty sure my secretive one was just a slow burner, careful , trust, feel it out.
lf you like her a lot , could always just let it play out , see what happens.


----------



## whitehawk

Speaking of that sort of thing , reminds me of a prof' l found the other night.

She said , don't expect me rushing of to meet you after one email. l'm a careful person and l will need to get to know you first.

Ha , who could blame her


----------



## muskrat

whitehawk said:


> l can always tell in my own sitch but other peoples are really tricky . But she does sound interested , like she's building. Might just be a slow burner , that's cool.
> l'm pretty sure my secretive one was just a slow burner, careful , trust, feel it out.
> lf you like her a lot , could always just let it play out , see what happens.


She reminds of how you say you are with online dating. You like to take your time building up before meeting. 

SOB, I'm attracted to the female version of WH! :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Haha, but it is true l do prefer to take my time. :scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I just cant see the point of chatting and texting for weeks without meeting. 99.9% of the time, you meet face to face after hitting it off over the phone....and NOTHING. NO CONNECTION. So now you have wasted all that time for nothing. Time you COULD have spent actually (potentially) meeting your match face to face.


----------



## Tomara

I am a single on TAM. Dating at my ages is off the wall. I don't care to chat forever, meeting is much better so yes, you don't waste your time. I don't understand the male species and after 51 years I am just plain tired of the c&&p. when a guy states he is so interest yet it's only his schedule... Not worth the time. Guess at this point I am done with testosterone. Sad yes as I hang my head


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Tomara said:


> I am a single on TAM. Dating at my ages is off the wall. I don't care to chat forever, meeting is much better so yes, you don't waste your time. I don't understand the male species and after 51 years I am just plain tired of the c&&p. when a guy states he is so interest yet it's only his schedule... Not worth the time. Guess at this point I am done with testosterone. Sad yes as I hang my head


No need to hang your head! I know the feeling of being done...take a break! The testosterone isnt going anywhere!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> RD, she is a hottie.
> 
> Mr. Ex Jellybenas and I had "celebrities that we could allow each other to" with and his was Mila. LOL. I was like, Well you do have good taste! (I mean, he married me). Lol


Wait wah? You're a Mila lookalike? =O



FeministInPink said:


> Oh, did I fail to mention that I opened the door wearing a towel? He was early and I was taking a shower.


Towel > any lingerie IMO

You tease!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Towel > any lingerie IMO
> 
> You tease!


I'm not a tease, I put out 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

There's other angles. Example, everyone l've met is at least 45m away, most are an hour or two. So that's 3 -4 hrs all up.
l feel like [email protected] when l come back from a fk no , especially if it's taken 1/2 a day. Few calls first has saved me a whole lot of time and countless fk no's .
2nd , it is online dating, lots of bs, lots of fake and 10yr old pics, lots of "very" screwed up women.
There's only been 2 , yep 2 , so far that weren't practically instant fk no's after a few talks. Um , that was 2 , out of about 15.

Can you imagine all the time, driving, money and oh fk no's, l've spared myself.


----------



## whitehawk

Had a funny one today.
l.m waiting in the super market isle , thinking about ns' s eye fkg yesterday.

Across walked one of te girls and how cute was she  Very cute !
l thought to myself hmm, l wouldn't mind eye fkg her while l'm waiting that's for cert. Then l think hmm, l think l will , why not.
Next min she's walked past again , then again , and she had to step through my line each time so l'm enjoying her to max.
Next min she spins across again , glances up , and goes and opens the next cash register looking over at me.
My line was pretty long.
But there were a few people over right next to hers with huge trollies of stuff and they went straight there.
My line was long but only little things.

She was only early 20s l wasn't fussed just enjoying the view.
But she kept glancing over to me all the way through then , probably swearing at me under her breath for not grabbing her lane.
So l can confirm , some don't mind some eye fkg :rofl: Not that that was a first but nice , funny , thanks for reminding me ns.


----------



## whitehawk

Tomara said:


> I am a single on TAM. Dating at my ages is off the wall. I don't care to chat forever, meeting is much better so yes, you don't waste your time. I don't understand the male species and after 51 years I am just plain tired of the c&&p. when a guy states he is so interest yet it's only his schedule... Not worth the time. Guess at this point I am done with testosterone. Sad yes as I hang my head


Umm , l could argue that is all a very strong reason that you actually do take your time and stop wasting it . We're given a radar , judgement and emotions for a reason, to use .

Racing off to any fkwitt only disheartens you even more and messing around with dead end fk nos can waste decades of your life. Date sites are full of them.
And yet they're still doing it , bizarre.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Upon meeting someone new, he looked familiar so I asked him if I have ever met him before.
> 
> His gaze was so intent when he responded: "Oh no, I would remember you"


That's cute.



muskrat said:


> She reminds of how you say you are with online dating. You like to take your time building up before meeting.
> 
> SOB, I'm attracted to the female version of WH! :rofl:


Haha. That's funny.



Tomara said:


> I I don't understand the male species and after 51 years I am just plain tired of the c&&p. when a guy states he is so interest yet it's only his schedule... Not worth the time.


Yeah I gave up trying to understand the male species a long time ago. But here's the thing: if some guy only wants to meet you on his time, then axe him. On to the next one. 



whitehawk said:


> There's other angles. Example, everyone l've met is at least 45m away, most are an hour or two. So that's 3 -4 hrs all up.
> l feel like [email protected] when l come back from a fk no , especially if it's taken 1/2 a day.
> 
> Can you imagine all the time, driving, money and oh fk no's, l've spared myself.


Why not set your radar for only those within 15 miles of you?


----------



## whitehawk

Wish l could jb but there's no one l've liked on any of my sites that close.
My areas very spread out .


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you need to share a pic of Hot Fireman!


I'll try to do that when I get back on a computer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> She reminds of how you say you are with online dating. You like to take your time building up before meeting.
> 
> SOB, I'm attracted to the female version of WH! :rofl:


This made me LoL for real!:lol:


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Who knows? We might break up in a week, so I wouldn't be the model success story. Though I don't think that is going to happen.
> 
> 
> But seriously. Unsure, I hear you. I will be paying very close attention. * My XH pulled a flip, and I gave everything trying to get us back to our previous state, and it nearly destroyed me emotionally. I do not intend to go through that again.*
> 
> That's my plan. At this point, I have no designs or daydreams about the future, I'm just taking it one day at a time and having fun. We'll see if this can grow, or it might just stay as it is.


Don't then. Do you have a clear life plan? 
You do not need to sacrifice your wants and goals, the other party should reflect your life, multiply your efforts, and support your dreams. Know what you want and don't sacrifice...the only time I support a change of plans is when you can look at something they have to offer and you can positively go "you know what?, I want that instead"...


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I glanced at it. Cute.
> 
> I love the thing that says "She's like a sister to you. A sexy, sexy sister."
> 
> Do guys really get mad about the friendzone? I mean, like does every guy really want to nail his female friend (if she's attractive to him)? Or, is it just sex cross their mind? Like what it would be like with her?


You want me to be brutally honest? Women that have ever tried to friendzone me completely disgust me. I have absolutely no interest in a women as a good friend at this point in my life. Any woman that I keep close I am pursuing them in one way or another and right now I am taken.

I have lots of women friends but they are all involved and I am better friends with their husbands/boyfriends, and imo that's the way it should be.
After my past experiences in making not so great judgments with involved women and how I feel about what I did after reflecting on everything I have no room for that kind of stuff in my life.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. Men and women friends - Start at minute 2:39:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0-e5MWnjic



Another Planet said:


> You want me to be brutally honest?
> 
> Any woman that I keep close I am pursuing them in one way or another and right now I am taken.


Thanks for the brutal honesty, AP. I appreciate it. And wonder if a lot of men feel this way.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Men and women friends - Start at minute 2:39:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0-e5MWnjic
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks for the brutal honesty, AP. I appreciate it. And wonder if a lot of men feel this way.


Yikes that one guy that says I feel like I have to protect her from guys...
Nope!!! For someone reason that reeks insecurity to me. Although I do agree with them all, I don't think involved people should have close friends of the opposite sex outside of the relationship. Close friends meaning you use your emotional energy towards that friendship that could be applied to your partner.
BUT I also do not understand true extroverts at all so that may play a part in why people have certain types of friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> You want me to be brutally honest? Women that have ever tried to friendzone me completely disgust me. I have absolutely no interest in a women as a good friend at this point in my life. Any woman that I keep close I am pursuing them in one way or another and right now I am taken.
> 
> I have lots of women friends but they are all involved and I am better friends with their husbands/boyfriends, and imo that's the way it should be.
> After my past experiences in making not so great judgments with involved women and how I feel about what I did after reflecting on everything I have no room for that kind of stuff in my life.


I am going to disagree with you a little bit. I have friendzone some men because I like their character but at the moment do not feel like dating them. Perhaps in the future my views will change. However, I do not expect anything from them. I do not call, I do not flirt, I do not play the damsel in distress. 
If they ever need my help, I will gladly be there to help in whatever they need, except money. I do not loan money to almost perfect strangers


----------



## COGypsy

Another Planet said:


> Yikes that one guy that says I feel like I have to protect her from guys...
> Nope!!! For someone reason that reeks insecurity to me. Although I do agree with them all, I don't think involved people should have close friends of the opposite sex outside of the relationship. Close friends meaning you use your emotional energy towards that friendship that could be applied to your partner.
> BUT I also do not understand true extroverts at all so that may play a part in why people have certain types of friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My extroverted thought is that having friends AND having a romantic relationship don't take anything away from one another. Both are an energy source for me. From what I understand about introverts, even an intimate relationship is a drain on energy that must be recharged with extended periods of quiet and solitude. For me most of the time, the time between waking up and finishing my shower is about all the solitude I need in a day. Too much quiet and alone time stresses me out, I need to be out where people are.

That being said, I have a lot of casual friends and a much smaller circle of really good friends. The more precious commodity is time. When I was dating and before I met my BF, I knew that I had _enough_ friends for the time I have available. In dating, I had no interest in becoming friends with a guy that wasn't going add the value of intimacy to my life. A good friend that put out, if you will. So no friendzones. Most of the male friends I have now I have had since college or before, so I'm guessing that any festering resentments about the friendzone have dissipated by now


----------



## COGypsy

Okay guys--please pretty please cross your fingers, say a prayer and/or light a candle that the idea my mother just came up with works out. It would be an answer to prayers we didn't even know we were sending out!

A series of events have unfolded nearly perfectly to help out my stepbrother and his wife who have hit a run of bad luck while at the same time getting my mother some help she's realizing that she really needs around the house and with the care of my step dad.

I talked the idea out with her and just the idea has taken a weight off my chest. I feel like I just grew an extra lung! 

Now it just has to fall into place! Man it will be so, so wonderful if it does! Think some good thoughts and hope that the rest of the people involved think its as good an idea as we do!


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Don't then. Do you have a clear life plan?
> You do not need to sacrifice your wants and goals, the other party should reflect your life, multiply your efforts, and support your dreams. Know what you want and don't sacrifice...the only time I support a change of plans is when you can look at something they have to offer and you can positively go "you know what?, I want that instead"...


You're absolutely right. I meant that I have no designs on our future as a couple; I'm taking him and me one day at a time. What I DO have is some definite ideas about what I want from my life, though there are certain things I'm still considering my options. I'm still re-writing my plan, and I think that's a life-long thing, and as we go, we'll see how compatible his goals are with mine. We're feeling each other put right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## evolver

Really? Turning it around, most of my friends are female right now, including my best friend of the moment. All range from meh to stunning but I'm not pursuingthem and they don't appear to be pursuing me.

We still have fun and I don't see a problem.


----------



## Another Planet

evolver said:


> Really? Turning it around, most of my friends are female right now, including my best friend of the moment. All range from meh to stunning but I'm not pursuingthem and they don't appear to be pursuing me.
> 
> We still have fun and I don't see a problem.


You are single and I am not. I have a embarrassing history of getting mixed up with involved women. I will not be making those mistakes again. 
And again I know from experience that if I keep a woman close I am pursuing her, and I do not pursue women that aren't interested in me hence why I have no close women friends right now and if I do their husbands/boyfriends I am better friends with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I have friendzone some men because I like their character but at the moment do not feel like dating them. Perhaps in the future my views will change.


Exact reason why I get disgusted... I will not be strung along like a puppy dog waiting for you to possibly date me in the future at your convenience.
This of course is close friends I am talking about, I have lots of aquantinces that are women but none that I keep on a day to day level of contact or even weekly or monthly. Again I waste no emotional energy on them and have none invested either so I see no problem with it this way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Exact reason why I get disgusted... I will not be strung along like a puppy dog waiting for you to possibly date me in the future at your convenience.
> This of course is close friends I am talking about, I have lots of aquantinces that are women but none that I keep on a day to day level of contact or even weekly or monthly. Again I waste no emotional energy on them and have none invested either so I see no problem with it this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol
You are funny, in a good way, and I need to work on my boundaries!!
But if these friends get friendfriends, I will be happy for them~


----------



## BaxJanson

On the one hand, there's the common complaint of the friendzone put forth by nice guys who are trying to friend their way into a relationship. That's pathetic, it won't work, and I don't blame them one bit for friendzoning you.

On the other hand, I've also encountered the frustration of 'I'm good friends with this girl/these girls. But I would like to expand... but they don't want to take the risk of losing me as a friend.' That's a tricky balance - akin to being friends with your entire dating pool. It's not fear of rejection, it's not manipulatedly trying to bargain a relationship - it's just simple 'all the girls I know would rather be friends than date me.' And that's not a comfortable place to be, especially if you actually KNOW a lot of people - and they all feel the same way.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I recently culled my guy friends. 
They don't seem to care. 
So I will agree with whomever says that guys only have women friends with the prospect of pursuit.


----------



## Brokenman85

Meet up# 2 with the woman I have been talking to. Wish me luck!


----------



## Jellybeans

I admit-I have a lot of guy friends who have made a flirtatious comment at me or said something funny (by funny, I mean flirty). Even if in a joking manner. There are some guys that have not. I would say most of my closest friends are female though. I do have one guy friend (that I've known for about 17ish years now) who I had this conversation with - the whole, can men and women be friends things--and he told me that yes, they could be friends "but if you wanted to, I'd totally have sex with you, Jelly."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> " Originally Posted by ne9907 View Post
> I have friendzone some men because I like their character but at the moment do not feel like dating them. Perhaps in the future my views will change."
> 
> *Exact reason why I get disgusted... I will not be strung along like a puppy dog waiting for you to possibly date me in the future at your convenience.*
> This of course is close friends I am talking about, I have lots of aquantinces that are women but none that I keep on a day to day level of contact or even weekly or monthly. Again I waste no emotional energy on them and have none invested either so I see no problem with it this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ne, I have to agree with AP here. Friending a guy just to keep him on the back burner is just wrong. If you truly are not interested in a guy as a friend and a person, then he shouldnt be in your life, thats just not fair. 

I have had many guys over my lifetime that have been friends only, and most have been strictly that...not some guy who was "after" me that I friendzoned. I have always had a tendency to be "one of the guys", I guess since I have always been such a tomboy. Guys are easy, girls are drama!


----------



## unsure78

I make male friends very very easily, however the majority seem to vanish whenever I get a bf or they are noticibly waiting around for me to be single again even after ive had the friendzone talk... there are a few exceptions...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

That's because either want you for their own and realize ti's not gonna happen and/or fall back because they respect the boundaries of your new relationship.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, I have to agree with AP here. Friending a guy just to keep him on the back burner is just wrong. If you truly are not interested in a guy as a friend and a person, then he shouldnt be in your life, thats just not fair.
> 
> I have had many guys over my lifetime that have been friends only, and most have been strictly that...not some guy who was "after" me that I friendzoned. I have always had a tendency to be "one of the guys", I guess since I have always been such a tomboy. Guys are easy, girls are drama!


You are right as well, I repeat, i must work on my boundaries. Just because I was deeply hurt, does not mean I can hurt others. It is deplorable that I enjoy toying with someone's emotion. This was never me. It is a very ugly residual aspect of the divorce.
I do want to be friends with men, not the kind that talk all the time, every day but more like social media friends. I like to know their successes in life as well as their sad times.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I admit-I have a lot of guy friends who have made a flirtatious comment at me or said something funny (by funny, I mean flirty). Even if in a joking manner. There are some guys that have not. I would say most of my closest friends are female though. I do have one guy friend (that I've known for about 17ish years now) who I had this conversation with - the whole, can men and women be friends things--and he told me that yes, they could be friends *"but if you wanted to, I'd totally have sex with you, Jelly."*


Uggh why would he say that and not be pursuing you? See if I would say something like that I would be after you but if I was FZ'ed by you I would be instantly turned off and look elsewhere.


----------



## Jellybeans

He and I have never "pursued" each other, AP. We have been friends since high school and remained friends through college to now. We were having an honest conversation. I was not turned off by what he said nor am I going to axe him as a friend because he was honest with me. We have had a million chances where we could have hooked up in our nearly twenty-year friendship and it has NEVER happened.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Uggh why would he say that and not be pursuing you? See if I would say something like that I would be after you but if I was FZ'ed by you I would be instantly turned off and look elsewhere.


Ap just because you need to be extra strong with the OSF boundaries, doesnt mean everyone has that same issue...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Just giving my perspective, I don't expect everyone to be this way. I do believe the original question was directed towards all guys.


----------



## Jellybeans

It was. And I do appreciate your perspective so thank you for sharing your experiences/viewpoint.

Happy Friday, Singles


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, the friend zone! I always wonder why so many folk persist in the FZ really, like come on, who the hell with any kind of backbone would want to be treated like this:










Spend years trying to be nice to impress her, then I show up and end up ramming her within the week or so :slap: 

Can't help but feel a little sorry for the beta orbiters though, and how come almost all the women I've dated have 'em? Are they ego boosts? Seriously I reckon women should stop leading the poor dudes on!

Not to mention they boast about them too! "Guy A likes me but meh", "guy B likes me but meh!" Flattering sure, but why is guy A & B holding on for so long yet aint getting any? Sometimes I get the impression most women lead men on as a habit!

Also why I say to hell with the friend zone! Unless one gets benefits! Then tis good!


----------



## Another Planet

Actually now that I have thought about it if that is what he said JB he wants you and you FZ'ed him lol I am about 99% sure and I think it's funny. Don't be naive, poor guy.

Here's a story...
When my GF and I first started she was having a small get together at her place and she invited me. Good mix of single guys and single girls and couples. As the night progressed I worked my magic and charmed my GF and her BFF so was chatting away off in our own world. Soon my GF and I were making out and this dude that they introduced me to earlier saw us then got up and stormed off. They barely even noticed and the next morning was like what happened to him and I told them he got up and stormed off. They asked why and I told them he totally wanted you or the BFF, they didn't believe me but then they all of a sudden were deleted off FB by him and soon after blocked from cell...but not before finding out that he was into my GF. Guess they were all friends for awhile and had no idea.
Not my fault he sat on his thumb while I swooped in for the kill. While he waited around I took what I wanted.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Heh, the friend zone! I always wonder why so many folk persist in the FZ really, like come on, who the hell with any kind of backbone would want to be treated like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Spend years trying to be nice to impress her, then I show up and end up ramming her within the week or so :slap:
> 
> Can't help but feel a little sorry for the beta orbiters though, and how come almost all the women I've dated have 'em? Are they ego boosts? Seriously I reckon women should stop leading the poor dudes on!
> 
> Not to mention they boast about them too! "Guy A likes me but meh", "guy B likes me but meh!" Flattering sure, but why is guy A & B holding on for so long yet aint getting any? Sometimes I get the impression most women lead men on as a habit!
> 
> Also why I say to hell with the friend zone! Unless one gets benefits! Then tis good!


Right on RD! 

I don't want to sound like a dic but I have a mom and sisters why do I need a close friend that is a girl?


----------



## whitehawk

Most female friends l've had are just friends bc l "don't" want any more than that.
lt can get pretty uncomfortable if you know they would want more.Especially if your sitting round watching dvd's late at night together or something , just like you would with other friends.

One gave me a letter once after we'd been mates for about 15yrs. And she said she'd been in love with me since she was 14 , so that was the whole way through. 
l didn't know what to do with that but l felt it was unfair on her being around her anymore so l stopped seeing her soon after . l did sorta know right through but we'd both had other people and l hoped it was working itself out .


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Right on RD!
> 
> I don't want to sound like a dic but I have a mom and sisters why do I need a close friend that is a girl?


omg AP, you are such a ****.... /rolleyes
JK btw

I have to admit though, almost every guy friend Ive ever had, has wanted to jump my bones. Me, not so much. I enjoyed their company


----------



## whitehawk

lf l did want more but it was pretty clear she didn't , or she's with somebody else or something . l'd take a hike and leave it at that myself.


----------



## BaxJanson

It makes sense that the best way to avoid the friendzone is to act with intentionality. "I want this girl, so I will step out and treat her like I want her."

My puzzle is knowing that a) I want more friends, so being at ease and friendly will achieve me that goal, but b) Sex is awesome. Rare is the case where the two coincide.


----------



## moxy

So, I think there's a big difference between friend-zoning someone, staying friends while still being open to the possibility of future non-platonic connections, and leading someone on. I don't think there is anything wrong with being friends with a guy you'd like to date or bang if circumstances were different -- as long as you can actually function on a friend level, too, and as long as you can respectfully keep your distance when that friend is in a relationship. I do think that there is something very wrong with leading a guy on in the hopes of keeping him on the back-burner; promising things and taking advantage of his affection when you've got no real intention of following through. There are always those OS friends we have that we know we'd never date or hook-up with; those are the guys/gals that have been friend-zoned. Life is complicated. 
---

Unrelated note: It's Friday night and I hope that Guy wants to get together tonight, but I'm waiting to see if he texts me because I don't want to be the one doing the pursuing. However, he's still being a little distant, so I don't know what's up. Man ... communication is hard. :/ In the meantime, I'm working from home tonight (and trying not to obsess over my phone). I had a great mani-pedi today (a break from work) and I am in a self-indulgent mood.


----------



## bandit.45

Question.

Why do women find it so easy to forget about a man they loved, once they fall in love with a new man? And how do they do it so quickly and easily?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Question.
> 
> Why do women find it so easy to forget about a man they loved, once they fall in love with a new man? And how do they do it so quickly and easily?


We don't
If we do, it is because we never loved that man to begin with. It was all an illusion. 

/wave bandit. We missed you


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> We don't
> If we do, it is because we never loved that man to begin with. It was all an illusion.
> 
> /wave bandit. We missed you


I really believed her. I guess I was in love and she was only infatuated. I got sucked in and let myself believe she loved me. I'm an idiot.


----------



## bandit.45

I fell off the wagon...again. I'm drunk as a skunk.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Trust me, it's easy to fall out of love. You don't always know the switch or when it's going to be flipped. I really really really liked and wanted to keep on liking/loving my Aussie friend. I let him know when he was behaving like an a** but he kept right on without changing his attitude towards something that was important to me. Then he waffled a bit on logistics and that was that. Switch thrown. No going back I don't think. 

I don't miss him but I miss how I felt about him. That's life.
It's not like I didn't tell him that certain things I didn't want to hear about.

Unfortunately if a woman is repulsed even once with a man, that feeling kind of sticks. It trumps all the other times she found him attractive. Unless they are really good friends, then he will listen up when she gives him a fair warning about the possibility of lost attraction (but she needs to do this BEFORE it happens, to protect her part of the relationship.) Not all women understand this. They let things devolve. For me, if I'm attracted to a guy, I'll protect it like Fort Knox.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I really believed her. I guess I was in love and she was only infatuated. I got sucked in and let myself believe she loved me. I'm an idiot.


Syrian? Ouch... I am so sorry... 
But I say NEXT!

You will be okay, remember you have been there before, nothing lost, nothing gained. You will emerge from this heartache like a Phoenix. 

I am so sorry it didn't work with Syrian


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Trust me, it's easy to fall out of love. You don't always know the switch or when it's going to be flipped. I really really really liked and wanted to keep on liking/loving my Aussie friend. I let him know when he was behaving like an a** but he kept right on without changing his attitude towards something that was important to me. Then he waffled a bit on logistics and that was that. Switch thrown. No going back I don't think.
> 
> I don't miss him but I miss how I felt about him. That's life.
> It's not like I didn't tell him that certain things I didn't want to hear about.
> 
> Unfortunately if a woman is repulsed even once with a man, that feeling kind of sticks. It trumps all the other times she found him attractive. Unless they are really good friends, then he will listen up when she gives him a fair warning about the possibility of lost attraction (but she needs to do this BEFORE it happens, to protect her part of the relationship.) Not all women understand this. They let things devolve. For me, if I'm attracted to a guy, I'll protect it like Fort Knox.


Ah HNU,
I wish I could do this. I still love ex husband, even though I should hate him. I will admit that I love him less and less every single day that goes by. 
I also love an ex boyfriend of mine but I dislike him as well, that is only because he rejected me haha.
Those two are the only two men I have loved in my life. There isn't room for romantic love in my heart for anyone else atm.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Syrian? Ouch... I am so sorry...
> But I say NEXT!
> 
> You will be okay, remember you have been there before, nothing lost, nothing gained. You will emerge from this heartache like a Phoenix.
> 
> I am so sorry it didn't work with Syrian


No not Syrian. 

I stumbled on a pic of a gal I had a relationship with up until middle of last year. I'm not over her. Thought I was but I'm not. She moved on fast. Has a new guy. One day she just said "bye". Never heard from her again.


----------



## bandit.45

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Trust me, it's easy to fall out of love. You don't always know the switch or when it's going to be flipped. I really really really liked and wanted to keep on liking/loving my Aussie friend. I let him know when he was behaving like an a** but he kept right on without changing his attitude towards something that was important to me. Then he waffled a bit on logistics and that was that. Switch thrown. No going back I don't think.
> 
> I don't miss him but I miss how I felt about him. That's life.
> It's not like I didn't tell him that certain things I didn't want to hear about.
> 
> Unfortunately if a woman is repulsed even once with a man, that feeling kind of sticks. It trumps all the other times she found him attractive. Unless they are really good friends, then he will listen up when she gives him a fair warning about the possibility of lost attraction (but she needs to do this BEFORE it happens, to protect her part of the relationship.) Not all women understand this. They let things devolve. For me, if I'm attracted to a guy, I'll protect it like Fort Knox.


Heavy stuff. But I needed to hear it. 

Thank you.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> No not Syrian.
> 
> I stumbled on a pic of a gal I had a relationship with up until middle of last year. I'm not over her. Thought I was but I'm not. She moved on fast. Has a new guy. One day she just said "bye". Never heard from her again.


Oh, it sucks anyway. 
Some of us, women, just cannot be alone. We are in love with the idea of love and must have that in our lives. You are not an idiot. She obviously was not meant for you and you were not meant for her.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Oh, it sucks anyway.
> Some of us, women, just cannot be alone. We are in love with the idea of love and must have that in our lives. You are not an idiot. She obviously was not meant for you and you were not meant for her.


Man it hurts.


----------



## whitehawk

lt's pretty uncomfortable being friends with a girl but knowing she's always wondering why your not trying to jump her , especially late nights at her house or something. And knowing her and her friends probably spend 1/2 their time together discussing why l haven't jumped her yet.
l really hate that feeling. 

Guess it must feel equally as weird to the girls if they know he does but they don't.

l was desperate one night  and did try jumping one of my friends, she was such a hottie this one . l could never figure out why l wasn't into her , don't think se could either.
But it just felt too weird, we stopped before it got far . At that stage we'd known each other a few years as friends.


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> lt's pretty uncomfortable being friends with a girl but knowing she's always wondering why your not trying to jump her , especially late nights at her house or something. And knowing her and her friends probably spend 1/2 their time together discussing why l haven't jumped her yet.
> l really hate that feeling.
> 
> Guess it must feel equally as weird to the girls if they know he does but they don't.
> 
> l was desperate one night  and did try jumping one of my friends but it just felt too weird , we stopped before it got far .


You live a pretty fvcked up life pal. Get some new friends.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Man it hurts.


Boy, do I know this!!!

Haha, I am over ex even though I still love him. It is weird because I honestly do not care when he finds another woman (he already has before). 
Now, ex boyfriend.... I have not seen him in person in 17 years and yet, the thought of him dating someone hurts me soooooooo much!!! The thought of him getting married just hurts me so bad
On the other hand, I feel as if I am not worthy enough of his love, since he rejected me. I do not chase him though, I never will chase him..... again haha!


----------



## ne9907

Oh I so wanna get drunk, but I am afraid I would start drunk texting people and that is oh so not cool!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Boy, do I know this!!!
> 
> Haha, I am over ex even though I still love him. It is weird because I honestly do not care when he finds another woman (he already has before).
> Now, ex boyfriend.... I have not seen him in person in 17 years and yet, the thought of him dating someone hurts me soooooooo much!!! The thought of him getting married just hurts me so bad
> On the other hand, I feel as if I am not worthy enough of his love, since he rejected me. I do not chase him though, I never will chase him..... again haha!


God that nails what I'm going through...

I've never, ever been so passionate for a woman....

I think of her and....what we had was so perfect...
Why does it mean nothing to her now? I'm yesterday's news.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Oh I so wanna get drunk, but I am afraid I would start drunk texting people and that is oh so not cool!


I spent $10,000 on treatment. All that dough down the fvcking tubes.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Man it hurts.



lt does B l know . What's happening with Syrian anyway ?
sorry can't find her spelling .


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> lt does B l know . What's happening with Syrian anyway ?
> sorry can't find her spelling .


We're still together. But in not in love with her. I'm still in love with someone I should no longer be in love with.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> You live a pretty fvcked up life pal. Get some new friends.


Ahh , years ago b. But hey , haven't you ever had stuff like that in your circle of friends or friends of friends ?
Pretty common.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I spent $10,000 on treatment. All that dough down the fvcking tubes.


well fvck Bandit! 
It is okay, dust it off and start again. Tomorrow is another day, just don't drink too much.



bandit.45 said:


> God that nails what I'm going through...
> 
> I've never, ever been so passionate for a woman....
> 
> I think of her and....what we had was so perfect...
> Why does it mean nothing to her now? I'm yesterday's news.


Yeah, it blows. I kid myself thinking that he (ex boyfriend) still has feelings for me. After all, he is friends with all of his exes except me.... But then again, maybe I never meant anything to him. We did have a very strong emotional affair last year after my separation. But he has ghosted me since October of last year. Have not heard from him. I sort of want to laugh because my entire relationship with him is laughable. I really do not know him very well, I am obsessed with him though. I hate feeling like this because I always check my email and phone thinking that he will contact me again!!!!



whitehawk said:


> lt does B l know . What's happening with Syrian anyway ?
> sorry can't find her spelling .


It isn't Syrian, WH.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> We're still together. But in not in love with her. I'm still in love with someone I should no longer be in love with.


Ahh right . Must be weird being with her is it , like that ?
Sorry about the other one. l still think about mine to from earlier this year , Beach House .
But you know what . l saw her the other wk and l'm glad we didn't keep it going now. She looked pretty out there walking down the street. She was pretty out there , very out there .
Think it might've been a blessing .


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> well fvck Bandit!
> It is okay, dust it off and start again. Tomorrow is another day, just don't drink too much.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, it blows. I kid myself thinking that he (ex boyfriend) still has feelings for me. After all, he is friends with all of his exes except me.... But then again, maybe I never meant anything to him. We did have a very strong emotional affair last year after my separation. But he has ghosted me since October of last year. Have not heard from him. I sort of want to laugh because my entire relationship with him is laughable. I really do not know him very well, I am obsessed with him though. I hate feeling like this because I always check my email and phone thinking that he will contact me again!!!!


I'm sorry hon. So sorry. I know what you're feeling. It sucks. It fvcking sucks the big bone.....


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Ahh right . Must be weird being with her is it , like that ?
> Sorry about the other one. l still think about mine to from earlier this year , Beach House .
> But you know what . l saw her the other wk and l'm glad we didn't keep it going now. She was pretty weird , in not a good way . She even looked pretty out there walking down the street when l saw her the other day. Think it might've been a blessing .


I like Syrian a lot....a lot. She fvcking hot as hell. She's smoking hot with a body like a playground. Great personality, great fun....

Yet the passion I feel for her is about 1/100th of what I felt for the other woman. I just can't shake her. M


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I'm sorry hon. So sorry. I know what you're feeling. It sucks. It fvcking sucks the big bone.....


It does. Especially because I should be crying the death of my marriage but instead I am crying for an ex boyfriend!! 
Man he is just so hot! haha, 
Truly, I cannot bring myself to seriously date anyone because all men pale in comparison to this guy. 
Oh and I am still sleeping with blue eyes....and one of the main reasons I am doing that, is because he looks like ex boyfriend!


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Ahh , years ago b. But hey , haven't you ever had stuff like that in your circle of friends or friends of friends ?
> Pretty common.


That's self punishment. No woman is worth that hassle.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> well fvck Bandit!
> It is okay, dust it off and start again. Tomorrow is another day, just don't drink too much.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, it blows. I kid myself thinking that he (ex boyfriend) still has feelings for me. After all, he is friends with all of his exes except me.... But then again, maybe I never meant anything to him. We did have a very strong emotional affair last year after my separation. But he has ghosted me since October of last year. Have not heard from him. I sort of want to laugh because my entire relationship with him is laughable. I really do not know him very well, I am obsessed with him though. I hate feeling like this because I always check my email and phone thinking that he will contact me again!!!!
> 
> 
> It isn't Syrian, WH.



Hu , l spelt it right after all . But yeah he was sayin .


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> It does. Especially because I should be crying the death of my marriage but instead I am crying for an ex boyfriend!!
> Man he is just so hot! haha,
> Truly, I cannot bring myself to seriously date anyone because all men pale in comparison to this guy.
> Oh and I am still sleeping with blue eyes....and one of the main reasons I am doing that, is because he looks like ex boyfriend!


I know. 

I feel guilty every time Syrian kisses me goodbye, because I feel like I'm using her as a bandaid. I feel like a fvcking fraud.


----------



## whitehawk

l know it's not a nice way to think but fk me , l wish l had a bandaid at the moment.
l could really use one , l think


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> l know it's not a nice way to think but fk me , l wish l had a bandaid at the moment.
> l could really use one , l think


Look if you need a piece of ass then go out and get it. Just leave your heart in the dresser drawer.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l know it's not a nice way to think but fk me , l wish l had a bandaid at the moment.
> l could really use one , l think


Go get one, or whenever you are looking for someone to "date" let them know from the get go that all you are looking for is casual, nothing serious/



bandit.45 said:


> Look if you need a piece of ass then go out and get it. Just leave your heart in the dresser drawer.


haha, you are going to get some 2x4 thrown at you!



bandit.45 said:


> I know.
> 
> I feel guilty every time Syrian kisses me goodbye, because I feel like I'm using her as a bandaid. I feel like a fvcking fraud.


I don't. Blue eyes and I are on the same page. He has told me from the very beginning, no deep emotions, no deep connections. I know little about his life, except that he has an ex (don't even know if he was married). He has guarded his emotions very well. I do as well. The most emotional thing I have said to him is that I like his eyes!


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah , there's been complications though so l haven't . Anyway , been effing around on date sites . Couple of nice ones but l wouldn't wanna use them.


----------



## bandit.45

Goodnight all. I'm going to pass out now.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Go get one, or whenever you are looking for someone to "date" let them know from the get go that all you are looking for is casual, nothing serious/
> 
> 
> 
> haha, you are going to get some 2x4 thrown at you!
> 
> 
> 
> I don't. Blue eyes and I are on the same page. He has told me from the very beginning, no deep emotions, no deep connections. I know little about his life, except that he has an ex (don't even know if he was married). He has guarded his emotions very well. I do as well. The most emotional thing I have said to him is that I like his eyes!




Don't quote me on it but l often get the feeling blues would like a lot more but he's fighting it.
Mind you , that could be a mile off to !


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Don't quote me on it but l often get the feeling blues would like a lot more but he's fighting it.
> Mind you , that could be a mile off to !


You are a mile off. 
He has his priorities straight. He wants to open up his own business and that is his number 1 priority atm, hence he is working overtime and I am here talking to you all


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> Heavy stuff. But I needed to hear it.
> 
> Thank you.


Yah, sorry. But it's knowledge you can take to the bank.
And you're already down, so good timing, easier to take?


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> You are a mile off.
> He has his priorities straight. He wants to open up his own business and that is his number 1 priority atm, hence he is working overtime and I am here talking to you all



Maybe not but , doesn't mean he's not feeling it , just means he's trying not to.
ps , still , if it was strong enough he'd be doing both so , it's probably nothing.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> So, I think there's a big difference between friend-zoning someone, staying friends while still being open to the possibility of future non-platonic connections, and leading someone on. I don't think there is anything wrong with being friends with a guy you'd like to date or bang if circumstances were different -- as long as you can actually function on a friend level, too, and as long as you can respectfully keep your distance when that friend is in a relationship. I do think that there is something very wrong with leading a guy on in the hopes of keeping him on the back-burner; promising things and taking advantage of his affection when you've got no real intention of following through. There are always those OS friends we have that we know we'd never date or hook-up with; those are the guys/gals that have been friend-zoned. Life is complicated.
> ---
> 
> Unrelated note: It's Friday night and I hope that Guy wants to get together tonight, but I'm waiting to see if he texts me because I don't want to be the one doing the pursuing. However, he's still being a little distant, so I don't know what's up. Man ... communication is hard. :/ In the meantime, I'm working from home tonight (and trying not to obsess over my phone). I had a great mani-pedi today (a break from work) and I am in a self-indulgent mood.




Yeah that's the thing , fighting it. l've always found it comes out in the end, even 10yrs, because it's been hovering underneath the whole time. Tricky business


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Maybe not but , doesn't mean he's not feeling it , just means he's trying not to.


For both of our sakes, I hope he is not feeling anything at all except pleasure when we are together.

Btw, nobody but you guys knows about blue eyes. Not even my girlfriends.


----------



## RandomDude

Looks like FWB would prefer to come over instead of hanging out with her friends, I wonder if that's a good thing or if she's starting to get too attached to me... meh


----------



## whitehawk

l reckon she's feeling it rd , l've noticed in things you've said.
And , she rode out butterflies to.

But eh , l ain't female :rofl: , so it'd be interesting to see what the girls think.


----------



## RandomDude

If that's the case should have kept her as a FB instead, instead of "promoting" her to FWB level, even though FWB is nicer.

Meh


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Question.
> 
> Why do women find it so easy to forget about a man they loved, once they fall in love with a new man? And how do they do it so quickly and easily?


They say men compartmentalize, but I think many women decide when to fall in and out of love. It is like flipping a switch. 




bandit.45 said:


> I really believed her. I guess I was in love and she was only infatuated. I got sucked in and let myself believe she loved me. I'm an idiot.


 



bandit.45 said:


> I fell off the wagon...again. I'm drunk as a skunk.





bandit.45 said:


> I spent $10,000 on treatment. All that dough down the fvcking tubes.


 Call your sponsor ASAP. Do not drink tomorrow. Pick yourself up, call your therapist (and sponsor), go work out and start working those steps again. You can do it. YOU CAN DO IT. Please, please, please do not put yourself in situations that trigger you now. Don't say fvck it...just recommit to the process of working the steps.

Bandit, you are worth more than this. You have a lot to offer...we can see that when you post here. You care about people, you want to do the right thing, you are generous. You are a quality guy.

{{{hugs...and a kick in the pants}}}


----------



## whitehawk

Oh [email protected] , sorry B for when you return , l didn't realize it was that wagon.

l hope you get your ass back here tomorrow , see F's note and follow through mate. You can do it.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Boy, do I know this!!!
> 
> Haha, I am over ex even though I still love him. It is weird because I honestly do not care when he finds another woman (he already has before).
> Now, ex boyfriend.... I have not seen him in person in 17 years and yet, the thought of him dating someone hurts me soooooooo much!!! The thought of him getting married just hurts me so bad
> On the other hand, I feel as if I am not worthy enough of his love, since he rejected me. I do not chase him though, I never will chase him..... again haha!



Same the thought of my ex. And everything that happened , our family , life , still makes me sick to the stomach if l let it.


----------



## Another Planet

:/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> They say men compartmentalize, but I think many women decide when to fall in and out of love. It is like flipping a switch.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Call your sponsor ASAP. Do not drink tomorrow. Pick yourself up, call your therapist (and sponsor), go work out and start working those steps again. You can do it. YOU CAN DO IT. Please, please, please do not put yourself in situations that trigger you now. Don't say fvck it...just recommit to the process of working the steps.
> 
> Bandit, you are worth more than this. You have a lot to offer...we can see that when you post here. You care about people, you want to do the right thing, you are generous. You are a quality guy.
> 
> {{{hugs...and a kick in the pants}}}



Thank you for the encouragement. I called both my sponsors and went to an AA meeting today. I'll get back on track. 

Man I cleaned off three quarters of a bottle of Scottish single malt last night. I do not feel good.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Thank you for the encouragement. I called both my sponsors and went to an AA meeting today. I'll get back on track.
> 
> Man I cleaned off three quarters of a bottle of Scottish single malt last night. I do not feel good.



Good. Cuz hangovers suck.  It's good to remember that.

Glad you got to an AA meeting and called your sponsors. I have no doubt that you will get back on track.


----------



## Jellybeans

As we get older maybe we get set in our ways/routines. Im scheduling dates and it sort of feels like an annoyance going out of my way/schedule/routine to meet up with someone hoping for mthat elusive spark/and relationship that let's face it doesn't happen often in life and for me personally, only every blue moon. I feel like testing waters a bit with various people and not locking myself into anything. But even that seems exhausting/time-consuming.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> As we get older maybe we get set in our ways/routines. Im scheduling dates and it sort of feels like an annoyance going out of my way/schedule/routine to meet up with someone hoping for mthat elusive spark/and relationship that let's face it doesnt happen in life. I feel like testing waters a bit with various people and not locking myself into anything. But even that seems exhausting/time-consuming.


True, it's a hassle, especially when you go to the effort and you get stood up 

But then eventually you get that elusive spark, hopefully, and it makes the hassle worth it!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, kids, I posted some pics of Hot Fireman in a private album over on my profile. Most of you are friends, so you should be able to see them.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Thank you for the encouragement. I called both my sponsors and went to an AA meeting today. I'll get back on track.
> 
> Man I cleaned off three quarters of a bottle of Scottish single malt last night. I do not feel good.


Glad you called the sponsors and went to a meeting. Your sobriety isn't worth giving up for this sh!t. You can do it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> As we get older maybe we get set in our ways/routines. Im scheduling dates and it sort of feels like an annoyance going out of my way/schedule/routine to meet up with someone hoping for mthat elusive spark/and relationship that let's face it doesnt happen in life. I feel like testing waters a bit with various people and not locking myself into anything. But even that seems exhausting/time-consuming.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even weeding through EH profiles is getting tedious.
I hear you.
I'm just going to book myself another vacation to Reykjavik and go hang out. 
Honestly, I'm not sure I want the hassle of another relationship.
It seems like a lot of work, and I already have enough paid work, who wants more work that's unpaid? Let's face it, unless a guy tells me he really wants some of my time and says when and where and sticks to it, it's just not worth my while. I'm not giving up work time and sleep and downtime and time with my kids to go prospecting.

Everyone here sounds so energetic and driven about their pursuit of FB, FWB and romance. I'm just not feeling that, though I do remember a time when I was. 

I wouldn't mind a good FWB, never say never but it's doubtful.


----------



## Jellybeans

Get it, FIP!

Homemaker- Reykjavik sounds way more exciting than online/phone dating. LOL


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Get it, FIP!
> 
> Homemaker- Reykjavik sounds way more exciting than online/phone dating. LOL


Reykjavik is not exciting, but that's the whole point of going.
The entire country seems to be created as though from figments of my imagination. I have to go back to make sure it's real.
Have plans to move there in 5 years.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, kids, I posted some pics of Hot Fireman in a private album over on my profile. Most of you are friends, so you should be able to see them.


oh la la!
Hot indeed


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> As we get older maybe we get set in our ways/routines. Im scheduling dates and it sort of feels like an annoyance going out of my way/schedule/routine to meet up with someone hoping for mthat elusive spark/and relationship that let's face it doesn't happen often in life and for me personally, only every blue moon. I feel like testing waters a bit with various people and not locking myself into anything. But even that seems exhausting/time-consuming.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with you.
That is why I quit match and Tinder. It drains my energy. Of course I get lonely and bored many times.
However, those feelings are something I must learn to deal by myself. I will not need anyone to help me cope.
This is how I know I am not ready to get back to dating.

On another note, Irish has been very talkative lately. We chatted on Thursday night, he invited me over to his place, I declined of course. If he only had nice teeth, and would trim his sideburns, perhaps I would be attracted to him.

On another, another note, have not heard from blue eyes since last Tuesday when he told me he was/would be extremely busy with work. 

Gosh... I love "Orange is the new Black" but what show should I watch next???? I am done with season 2!!!

I am a rambling lunatic today! must be the heat.


----------



## evolver

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Reykjavik is not exciting, but that's the whole point of going.
> The entire country seems to be created as though from figments of my imagination. I have to go back to make sure it's real.
> Have plans to move there in 5 years.


Oh wow! I LOVED Reykjavik. I would move there if my profession existed at all in that country. I sometimes think, "would changing careers to fisherman REALLY be that bad?" 

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

evolver said:


> Oh wow! I LOVED Reykjavik. I would move there if my profession existed at all in that country. I sometimes think, "would changing careers to fisherman REALLY be that bad?"
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


LOL. You can't immigrate to Iceland if you're a fisherman. You need to have skills that they don't have enough of there. I think they have enough fishermen.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> As we get older maybe we get set in our ways/routines. Im scheduling dates and it sort of feels like an annoyance going out of my way/schedule/routine to meet up with someone hoping for mthat elusive spark/and relationship that let's face it doesn't happen often in life and for me personally, only every blue moon. I feel like testing waters a bit with various people and not locking myself into anything. But even that seems exhausting/time-consuming.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




lt is , it's exhausting and very confusing. l just deleted "yet" - another new one l met yesterday while we were walking the dog. BTW to jb , the little mut survived . We can't believe it , only 10 days after and he's jumping outa his skin again.
Anyway , l deleted this last one from yesterday bc l just felt like wtf , this is insane . Even you guys have no fkg clue who l'm talking about anymore , too many , too much bs. l don't know if l'm going or coming anymore .
And l'm still trying to sort out the one from last wk whom l lost her contact stuff , meanwhile there's yet more popping up on my date site , fkkkk 

lt's the date sites and tinders and stuff that causes all the unnatural overload of meeting and dating bs, confusion, work. Unless a person has a really wide circle of friends there's no way we could normally meet this many people and so many duds at that.
l'm up God knows any more how many on my date site . Yet only 3 or 4 in RL , that's more like the natural progression of things .


----------



## whitehawk

Weirdest thing . l'm still getting all these really well educated women approaching me on my date site. Lists of degrees in fk knows what , very bizarre .

l know they might be thinking l'm their balance in life but still , weird.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Weirdest thing . l'm still getting all these really well educated women approaching me on my date site. Lists of degrees in fk knows what , very bizarre .
> 
> l know they might be thinking l'm their balance in life but still , weird.


Where is your profile?
I wanna see it! Got a list of degrees. :rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I just don't go out. Then I don't have to worry about meeting anyone. Met a guy Thursday who I would probably get along with just great but he lives in NYC and is tied up visiting family and I know his family and it would be awkward. Plus I'm working so it would not be as fun as if on vacation or really having downtime.

I have a couple scheduled outings most weeks though.
Besides the grocery store, I generally go to the movies once a week and also started taking dance lessons again. It's inevitable to meet people at both places, the movies is a nonprofit place where I used to volun-work, and have been going to dance place off and once for almost 4 years now. So I know people at both places but there are also people who come and go. I figure I'll just meet someone there eventually, then I won't have to change my social habits and recreational habits to fit in dating.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I have a couple scheduled outings most weeks though.
> Besides the grocery store, I generally go to the movies once a week and also started *taking dance lessons again*. It's inevitable to meet people at both places, the movies is a nonprofit place where I used to volun-work, and have been going to dance place off and once for almost 4 years now. So I know people at both places but there are also people who come and go. *I figure I'll just meet someone eventually*, then I won't have to change my social habits and recreational habits to fit in dating.


I would like to take dance lessons, as a matter of fact, I think I will look into that! It is so exciting!

I also feel that eventually I will meet someone, even though the boredom makes me wish I already had someone! 
I even texted Irish to see if he wanted to grab a bite to eat, but he had plans.... Thank God!!!
I do stupid **** when I am lounging around.

Btw, I found a new show "House of Cards"
I am loving it!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I would like to take dance lessons, as a matter of fact, I think I will look into that! It is so exciting!
> 
> I also feel that eventually I will meet someone, even though the boredom makes me wish I already had someone!
> I even texted Irish to see if he wanted to grab a bite to eat, but he had plans.... Thank God!!!
> I do stupid **** when I am lounging around.
> 
> Btw, I found a new show "House of Cards"
> I am loving it!


I wouldn't say it's exciting, but it's definitely social and fun. There's music, there's dancing, there's a bit of exercise and time away from everything else. When you're dancing you can't really focus on anything other than what you're doing. So it's a good break. Like going to the movies only physical. It's also a little bit silly and sort of pointless - dancing is a weird thing that humans have been doing since time began I think. It synchronizes your heartbeats and breathing and movement and kind of gels a social consciousness, gets you in the flow of things. Of course, there's always bad partners, but that's life, there's always weird people off the dance floor...and on too. No big deal unless Argentine Tango, then it's just h*ll.


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I just don't go out. Then I don't have to worry about meeting anyone. Met a guy Thursday who I would probably get along with just great but he lives in NYC and is tied up visiting family and I know his family and it would be awkward. Plus I'm working so it would not be as fun as if on vacation or really having downtime.
> 
> I have a couple scheduled outings most weeks though.
> Besides the grocery store, I generally go to the movies once a week and also started taking dance lessons again. It's inevitable to meet people at both places, the movies is a nonprofit place where I used to volun-work, and have been going to dance place off and once for almost 4 years now. So I know people at both places but there are also people who come and go. I figure I'll just meet someone there eventually, then I won't have to change my social habits and recreational habits to fit in dating.



That's a nice way to go , real life just doing your thing.
l only joined the date site to look around really , l wasn't fussed, still aren't. They just tend to overload though somehow. l couldn't imagine how the girls must cope with all these 100s of contacts l hear they get.
Because l don't really have a life yet. l've just finished the biggest and hardest 18mth slog of my life and l've just moved. Yet even with all that , l've still just naturally bumped into 4 or 5 new women so far in just living. l mean worthwhile ones not just anyone. Was seeing one or two for awhile .

But , some people have met really worthwhile people on them , a few right here , l even met my ex on one so , l thought why not . Lot of work though.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I just don't think I want to share my living space with anyone other than my kids. I kind of like the peace and quiet and not having to accommodate someone else's habits.

A relationship would be nice, but not a live-in.


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, just got in from a second date.

Still not sure if this is a lady I get along with well and have a lot of friendly fun with, or if there's more here, and I'm moving too slowly to see it. I know that she's at least a year out from her own divorce, and has lost a lot of weight since then. Which I admire.

Eh, whichever the case, we both had fun tonight, and I got to see Guardians again. We agreed we'd lie to do this again when she gets back into town, and that it's my turn to drive (we live on opposite ends of town, so it takes a bit of negotiation)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Argh. Woke up to neighbors having a yelling screaming swearing match with banging of doors etc. It's mostly the guy. He argues with his ex's as well. The girlfriend is trying to have a rational discussion about feelings but it isn't going well.

I can't believe his girlfriend is moving in with him soon. They are renting a house (so will be gone form here in a month or two.) I feel sorry for her for having made this choice which it's obvious now she's having second thoughts about.

The were arguing yesterday too, about relationship stuff, heard the stream of verbage as they got out of their car and it continued into their apartment and kept going.

But, whatever. 
Just shut up already so I can enjoy my peace and quiet.

In the bigger context of things, being single is great.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> BTW to jb , the little mut survived . We can't believe it , only 10 days after and he's jumping outa his skin again.


So glad to hear he is ok! 



whitehawk said:


> Anyway , l deleted this last one from yesterday bc l just felt like wtf , this is insane . Even you guys have no fkg clue who l'm talking about anymore , too many , too much bs. l don't know if l'm going or coming anymore.
> 
> lt's the date sites and tinders and stuff that causes all the unnatural overload of meeting and dating bs, confusion, work


:rofl: It IS overwhelming, isn't it? There is so much/so many people to keep up with that it gets confusing and seems not worth it.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Argh. Woke up to neighbors having a yelling screaming swearing match with banging of doors etc. It's mostly the guy. He argues with his ex's as well. The girlfriend is trying to have a rational discussion about feelings but it isn't going well.
> 
> I can't believe his girlfriend is moving in with him soon. feel sorry for her for having made this choice which it's obvious now she's having second thoughts about.
> 
> The were arguing yesterday too, about relationship stuff, heard the stream of verbage as they got out of their car and it continued into their apartment and kept going.
> 
> In the bigger context of things, being single is great.


Yeah, it is a great feeling to know you don't have to deal with that. Single trumps that any day.


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## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The entire country seems to be created as though from figments of my imagination.


Love this.


----------



## RandomDude

Everything is so cruisy now its meh

No problems at work, no problems with daughter, no problems with health, no problems with ex either than her refusing to sign the D, no problems with FWB despite my continual suspicions - if anything she's only as attached as I am, which is attached to the sex, friendship and nothing else!

Have to admit though, dating does have its amusements, the anticipation, excitement, butterflies and all that. But meh, have to learn to relax and enjoy the peace while it lasts (and stop thinking it's the calm before the sh-tstorm)


----------



## ne9907

I think I like, like, really like blue eyes.

I have not seen him in two weeks, and will not see him for another two weeks. But he listens to my concerns and puts them at ease. He does not sugar coat things, he does not tell me stupid **** like he misses me but he keeps me informed of what he will be doing. He also always gives me the option to do things I like and not wait for him. 
I never had that option before, with ex, he would always get upset if I did something without him.
I feel as I am in dangerous territory, however, this is good for me. I have never been with someone who respects my time (I am learning to respect his time and am doing excellent)


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> So glad to hear he is ok!
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl: It IS overwhelming, isn't it? There is so much/so many people to keep up with that it gets confusing and seems not worth it.
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks jb.
> Yeah it sure is. All l meant to do was just sign up and then just check in every wk or two just keeping an eye out for that slim chance of a one off someone really special. l didn't mean to get involved in anything else. lt somehow just keeps getting away from you though . :scratchhead:
> l'm getting back to being a lot tougher on that " no thanks " button now though, sick of wasting my time.


----------



## RandomDude

Man since our new PM over here down under came to power business maybe winding down towards the end of the year =/

So far my crew hasn't been hit but alot of my competitors have... and if my competitors have been hit other businesses that I rely on maybe hit, and eventually I will be too since B2B events and functions are what makes me the big bucks =/

Oh well, good thing I'm still single and my daughter still has a fortune in trust of my ex (which leaves me attempting to rebuild my capital after seperation), but if ex goes stupid one day (and who knows? she just might! + she's blonde! duh!) then we're all going to be fked unless my business somehow proves invulnerable to macroeconomics!

BAH! Fk my life, going to RAM FWB to relieve some stress tonight once she arrives... grrrr!


----------



## movealong

So, I cancelled breakfast on Saturday morning with the "last" one that I was interested in. Listed "Separated" on her profile and I just did not want to get into that even if it really is amicable.

Unfortunately, I also had to cancel dinner with one I am interested in because of non-communicated family plans. My nephew, Mom, and sister all had their birthdays this weekend, and I only knew about Friday's festivities. My son neglected to tell me about the surprise party planned for Saturday until I saw him Friday night...at 9pm...with less than 24 hours till the date. So, I had to look like a jackwagon and back out of the date. It may work out for the best anyway.

The only one I haven't met and still want to meet is 10 years younger. We've been texting and talking for two weeks now. I really have been enjoying the conversations. Problem is, she lives almost 2 hours away on the other side of the Metroplex. I am going to go see her next weekend and then make a decision on whether to try a LDR or move on to someone closer.

My daughter and I are really enjoying spending so much time together. I have to go get her registered for school this week. She still does not care to go to her Mom's house and let's me know it. If my XW hadn't sown the seeds of discontent, I might have felt sorry for her...but I don't.


----------



## whitehawk

Ah well move , the date can wait. Times like these , family is damn important.
Sorry about your daughter ex thing , l hope they can refind each other one day.
Mines starting to say thing's about her mum too, l tread very gently with it all though , bit tricky.

Hey my very first real meet and date was with a girl 2hrs away. She lived straight up the coast 2hrs which is one of my most fav drives and towns in the country.
Was my mind racing away from me driving up there . What a life , cruising up and down this road seeing each other but alas , great girl , really unique but unfortunately just not for me .


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Thanks jb.
> Yeah it sure is. All l meant to do was just sign up and then just check in every wk or two just keeping an eye out for that slim chance of a one off someone really special.


Faces on a screen that satisfy our need to talk/text with on a computer. Fun to waste time with during the day, much like playing a game, but reality is not actually texting through a screen. Reminds me a lot of the movie "Her."



movealong said:


> So, I cancelled breakfast on Saturday morning with the "last" one that I was interested in. Listed "Separated" on her profile and I just did not want to get into that even if it really is amicable.


Good for you. It's somewhere I don't go either. Separated is still married and often means "looking for rebound." Or "it's complicated."

Two hours is too far for me.


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## whitehawk

Well , you guys will laugh .
The two special girls l've been sort of working out this last few wks umm , are done.
The first one , she's not interested . She hasn't got back to me . The second one, l've changed my mind about her, there's just things 

But , here we go , while l've been working all that out , dog girl has popped up. Haaa, l need a rest :rofl:.
She's a mum to one of my daughters friends. Real nice chick. Haven't seen her for 4yrs. Turns out she walks her dog over near my place where l walk mine , and we've kinda been bumping into each other. Umm , l think she's walking the dog a little more than usual now out here as she lives 30mins inland.
As it turns out , her mans shot through and l've been divorced in that 4yrs .

Bit tricky though. See D's been with me a few times and smells a rat . Don't think she's too keen on us getting any closer . She's as sharp as a tack my girl and unfortunately spotted things in about 30 seconds flat.
l like her a lot for many reasons but of course no idea past that just yet. Hmm, my D though , now that's tricky.


----------



## Jellybeans

So. why doesn't your daughter like her? Is it a protective thing cause you are her dad or cause she thinks the woman is mean/has some character issue? How old is D?


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## whitehawk

Well ,she likes her they actually get a long really well. And d has been best friends with her son since prep.
But , she sure doesn't want her any closer to me . 
l mean l wouldn't even have this around my daughter yet , l've had no women anywhere near my daughter yet. 
lt's just that she was with me a few times though when we bumped into each other and as l say, she's sharp and spotted things in seconds.


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## whitehawk

My d's only 13 but even when she was 2 and 3 , 4 , she can pick anything from miles away without even trying . All sorts of stuff.

Well , my guess is , knowing her, that's exactly what she's doing. Her best friend , her dad , his mum , even living together, what if that happened , too weird , she's not getting him :rofl:


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## muskrat

What an odd weekend. I thought I was done with text girl, but she resurfaced and sent me a good morning text today. I haven't responded yet. She has managed to move herself from plan A to plan C. Plan B is still the same. She wants to meet, but we seem to have scheduling conflicts. Then the new Plan A entered the picture. I had a great phone conversation with her last night and she asked me to call her again tonight. I asked if she would like to have dinner one night this week and she said she would love too. We'll work out the details tonight.
So somewhere along the way it looks like I became a multi dater.:rofl:


----------



## JWTBL

Whitehawk,
Maybe you could take it "underground" by using some lame excuse to get her e-mail address (you want to send her an article that you think she might like, etc), and then see if it has the potential of going anywhere from there, and then only see the woman away from your daughter if it turns into a dating situation. And then maybe your daughter can realize you will be eventually with another woman, but it will not affect your love for her.


----------



## movealong

I was thinking the two hour travel time might work to our mutual benefit. She has 2 girls and I have my daughter. Her youngest is 5 years from graduating, mine is 6 years from graduating. I am not willing to move my daughter from her school and friends, and I am sure she is not willing to move hers. It would be okay with me to have weekend/holiday time and not disrupt the kid's lives.


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## muskrat

I think your daughter is protecting "her" territory WH. She is old enough that she knows and understands dating. She views this woman as competition for your time and affection.


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## whitehawk

JWTBL said:


> Whitehawk,
> Maybe you could take it "underground" by using some lame excuse to get her e-mail address (you want to send her an article that you think she might like, etc), and then see if it has the potential of going anywhere from there, and then only see the woman away from your daughter if it turns into a dating situation. And then maybe your daughter can realize you will be eventually with another woman, but it will not affect your love for her.



Thanks JW. Your right it would def' have to be something like that. And there's another problem. l get a long with her son really well , he's a real little dude.
Trouble is , he knows - everyone. The little [email protected] even got 500 friends on his face book 
I'm not kidding , we would have to date an hr away from the area or it's a cert he'd find out one way or another.

Hey , sounds kinda fun doesn't it , sunnies, scarf head wraps, sneaking of into the back blocks somewhere and meeting under some tree in the middle of no where :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I was thinking the two hour travel time might work to our mutual benefit. She has 2 girls and I have my daughter. Her youngest is 5 years from graduating, mine is 6 years from graduating. I am not willing to move my daughter from her school and friends, and I am sure she is not willing to move hers. It would be okay with me to have weekend/holiday time and not disrupt the kid's lives.


Ah look move , if it did go anywhere 2hrs is nothing for love , you can turn it into fun and travel chill time.
l wished that one of mine worked out l loved the idea.
Anyway , when l met my ex she was 1.5 away give or take and tell you what. I'II never forget that drive over to see her all the time. Music roaring, the excitement on the way, l use to love it.


----------



## whitehawk

muskrat said:


> I think your daughter is protecting "her" territory WH. She is old enough that she knows and understands dating. She views this woman as competition for your time and affection.



Oh yeah she gets it alright , it'd be a combo of all that plus the other stuff. lt's really cute actually but of course l don't want her feeling threatened in anyway especially this early either.
Gonna be fun if we wanna take it anywhere between my d and her son :rofl:

ps , A sounds like a sweetheart , good luck.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Oh yeah she gets it alright , it'd be a combo of all that plus the other stuff. lt's really cute actually but of course l don't want her feeling threatened in anyway especially this early either.
> Gonna be fun if we wanna take it anywhere between my d and her son :rofl:
> 
> ps , A sounds like a sweetheart , good luck.


You might want to talk with D about this, possibly she knows some not so nice things about this woman that are making her try to put the brakes on you dating her. Or maybe she just has an intuition about her, who knows. But I think you should open a dialogue about it, then you can suss out if its just her not wanting to share her dad, or if there is really something there you need to be warned about.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I was thinking the two hour travel time might work to our mutual benefit. She has 2 girls and I have my daughter. Her youngest is 5 years from graduating, mine is 6 years from graduating. I am not willing to move my daughter from her school and friends, and I am sure she is not willing to move hers. It would be okay with me to have weekend/holiday time and not disrupt the kid's lives.


If it works for you, then have at it!

For me, it wouldn't. My free time is limited and I wouldn't want to spend my free days driving two hours one or two ways to meet up with someone. That is a lot of commute time on a day off. I guess some people are ok with that, though (all the driving). Ah, dating.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> If it works for you, then have at it!
> 
> For me, it wouldn't. My free time is limited and I wouldn't want to spend my free days driving two hours one or two ways to meet up with someone. That is a lot of commute time on a day off. I guess some people are ok with that, though (all the driving). Ah, dating.


agree with you. I feel two hours is just too long to drive,what if it gets serious? 
But if it works for Movealong, then I say go for it.


----------



## movealong

The reason I would consider it is simply because driving, to me, is a way I relax. A quick trip (3 hours or less) is a good way for me to unwind.

Also, if it does get serious....way too early since we haven't even met....it gives us a buffer zone to really consider our choices. I like the idea of going to visit or having her visit.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> The reason I would consider it is simply because driving, to me, is a way I relax. A quick trip (3 hours or less) is a good way for me to unwind.
> 
> Also, if it does get serious....way too early since we haven't even met....it gives us a buffer zone to really consider our choices. I like the idea of going to visit or having her visit.


It also gives you a great excuse to spend the night


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## movealong

Ya'll have devious thoughts! I like it! LOL!


----------



## Jellybeans

On a completely unrelated note, I just found this super cute Rasta smiley smoking a joint:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Sooo...I have started dating someone. My best friend's little brother, lol! BFF and I met when I was 16, she was 14 and little bro was 12 at the time. He had a HUGE crush on me back then, lol, for several years! So, as years went by, I ended up with a little crush on him too, but nothing ever came of it. BFF and I were super close for almost forever, but have been out of touch for the last, oh, 3-4 years or so, no falling out or anything, life just happened. (mostly bad crap on my end, with my marriage/divorce x2!)

So I noticed he started posting on FB again, which he hadnt been for a while, evidently broke up with his gf. He sent me a message a couple of weeks ago and asked if I'd like to get together some time, I said yes of course, hadnt seen him in years! It was funny because the first night we met up, my BFF and her hubby stopped into the place we were at because they saw that he was there...boy were they surprised to see ME, lol! So, she and I have been playing catch-up ever since, and he and I have gotten together a few times. He had a party over this weekend for his son and his new wife, they just married a few days ago, so I got to see the whole family again, which was really cool, its all made me pretty happy.  My BFF told me she was not surprised to see us start to date, so I have her blessing! We'll see how this goes!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Sooo...I have started dating someone. My best friend's little brother, lol! BFF and I met when I was 16, she was 14 and little bro was 12 at the time. He had a HUGE crush on me back then, lol, for several years! So, as years went by, I ended up with a little crush on him too


Scandal! Haha just kidding.

I love it. :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Sooo...I have started dating someone. My best friend's little brother, lol! BFF and I met when I was 16, she was 14 and little bro was 12 at the time. He had a HUGE crush on me back then, lol, for several years! So, as years went by, I ended up with a little crush on him too, but nothing ever came of it. BFF and I were super close for almost forever, but have been out of touch for the last, oh, 3-4 years or so, no falling out or anything, life just happened. (mostly bad crap on my end, with my marriage/divorce x2!)
> 
> So I noticed he started posting on FB again, which he hadnt been for a while, evidently broke up with his gf. He sent me a message a couple of weeks ago and asked if I'd like to get together some time, I said yes of course, hadnt seen him in years! It was funny because the first night we met up, my BFF and her hubby stopped into the place we were at because they saw that he was there...boy were they surprised to see ME, lol! So, she and I have been playing catch-up ever since, and he and I have gotten together a few times. He had a party over this weekend for his son and his new wife, they just married a few days ago, so I got to see the whole family again, which was really cool, its all made me pretty happy.  My BFF told me she was not surprised to see us start to date, so I have her blessing! We'll see how this goes!


Pretty freaking cool! Awesome.... see? you do not see a dating site 
Congrats!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Pretty freaking cool! Awesome.... see? you do not see a dating site
> Congrats!


Haha, exactly! I feel really lucky because not only am I getting a chance with someone I have had a "thing" for for a long time, I got my BFF family back again.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> Sooo...I have started dating someone. My best friend's little brother, lol! BFF and I met when I was 16, she was 14 and little bro was 12 at the time. He had a HUGE crush on me back then, lol, for several years! So, as years went by, I ended up with a little crush on him too, but nothing ever came of it. BFF and I were super close for almost forever, but have been out of touch for the last, oh, 3-4 years or so, no falling out or anything, life just happened. (mostly bad crap on my end, with my marriage/divorce x2!)
> 
> So I noticed he started posting on FB again, which he hadnt been for a while, evidently broke up with his gf. He sent me a message a couple of weeks ago and asked if I'd like to get together some time, I said yes of course, hadnt seen him in years! It was funny because the first night we met up, my BFF and her hubby stopped into the place we were at because they saw that he was there...boy were they surprised to see ME, lol! So, she and I have been playing catch-up ever since, and he and I have gotten together a few times. He had a party over this weekend for his son and his new wife, they just married a few days ago, so I got to see the whole family again, which was really cool, its all made me pretty happy.  My BFF told me she was not surprised to see us start to date, so I have her blessing! We'll see how this goes!


WTH, I thought I was your one and only!!

Seriously, congrats. I hope things go well for you. :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dude, I kept WAITING for an invite!  

Thanks!


----------



## moxy

My workplace is insane this week. Lots of administrative changes resulting in bureaucratic chaos.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> My workplace is insane this week. Lots of administrative changes resulting in bureaucratic chaos.


I am sorry 

Mine is easy going, and somewhat fun. We do have a bunch of deadlines, a lot of work, but we manage to have fun.

There is this NCO who strongly believes I am not a typical woman because I love sci fi, aliens, and overall weird stuff. 
This is the second time he jokingly says, i am not the typical woman. I am not the only woman here btw.

I like the people at work


----------



## ne9907

Look what I found! Hope some of you (us) find this helpful:

Market yourself online like a pro to other singles

Posting your profile is, in essence, an attempt to market a precious commodity (you) to the right consumers (great dates). Advertise yourself well, and you may very well hit the romantic jackpot. This got us to wondering: Do advertising and marketing executives know a tactic or two that could help online daters in their quest for love? A few phone calls to some of the nation’s top gurus convinced us: Absolutely! Here are some the top strategies our marketing pros revealed.

*Tip #1: Make your profile copy count*
“Be artful in your word choice. When my company was creating a marketing campaign for a client that sells swimming pools, we studied what words the competition was using: beautiful, glamorous, family fun. Everyone says that, so we knew we had to be different. It took us a long time to search for the right word, but we finally found it: timeless. It was compelling and no one else was saying it. And that helped our client stand out.”
— Mark Stevens, president of the marketing firm MSCO and best-selling author of Your Marketing Sucks

How to use this tip: When writing your profile, go beyond the usual descriptions like “fun-loving” or “easygoing” and find phrases that are more unique to you. Describe how you’re fun-loving (“Will stage one-on-one karaoke competitions if we get stuck in traffic”) or throw in a well-known line from your favorite film. These specifics will help you stand out from the crowd — and attract like-minded folks who share your sensibilities.

*Tip #2: Perfect your packaging by posting the right photos*
“With all products, eye-catching packaging is essential. Internet dating is a very visual medium, so the photo you post must be your absolute best. I recommend having a professional photo taken for your primary photo, and using more casual pics for your secondary tier so people know what you look like during more everyday moments. And no red eyes!”

How to use this tip: We’ve all heard it before, but it definitely bears repeating: When shopping profiles online, most people will check out your photos first — and if they’re blurry, dated or unflattering, will move on before they’ve read the fine print. So even if you don’t want to invest in a professional photo, you shouldn’t just slap up any old pics. Have a friend take a bunch of photos on a day you’re looking your best (maybe you’re on your way to a party) and ask your pal’s opinion on which ones are best — having an objective opinion will help immensely. Use a close-up shot of your face for your main photo and include a full-body picture in your secondary photos so potential dates can get a realistic idea of what you look like.



*Tip #3: Keep things cool with a humorous, laid-back vibe*
“Advertising has changed. Cool brands like Target use advertising that is subtle, tongue-in-cheek and humorous. You want to be a cool brand, don’t you? Wouldn’t you rather be Target than Sears? Then don’t sell yourself too hard, don’t use cliché phrases, be relaxed. 1950s-style advertising is out on TV, so don’t let it show up in your profile.”


How to use this tip: Avoid writing really long lists of adjectives describing who you are (“classy, gorgeous, funny” and so forth) and who you are looking to date (“Must be a quality man with good values, steady job, clean-shaven; absolutely no smokers,” etc.). Don’t get caught up in the hype of selling yourself; that’ll sound like a hard-sell infomercial and scare people off. Instead, let your sense of humor and unusual qualities shine through. Have you seen every Family Guy episode out there? Let the world know. Would you like some company to next month’s jazz festival? Say so. Those kinds of low-key clues about you will do a better job of bringing in good matches than any list of adjectives.



* Tip #4: Build a well-rounded campaign*
“With any good marketing plan, you don’t just do print [magazine and newspaper] ads and that’s it. You do a little bit of print and a little TV, plus you include the brand in events and integrate it into film/TV/online. When you apply that theory to dating, that means you need to make all aspects of your campaign pop — your profile, email mesages, pictures, phone rapport, dating skills. You can’t just focus on one and not the others.”


How to use this tip: Is there a weak link in your online dating campaign? Find out by examining your past attempts and asking yourself: Were there points when you felt uncomfortable or when dates tended to turn cold — say, the email rapport was fantastic, but things turned awkward when you got talked on the phone? Or when you met in person, did your date say, “You’re much funnier/better-looking in person than your profile lets on?” Once you’ve pinpointed an area that’s less than stellar, focus your energies on improving it. If your profile is the problem, invest in another round of photos or revamp your copy (using the advice above), or, if phone or face-to-face interactions get you tongue-tied, jot down a list of five questions for your date or tidbits about yourself that you’d like to share. Improve your weak points, and your entire dating life will improve.


*Tip #4: Personalize your approach in introductory communications*
“In marketing, the more customized your message is, the more the consumer will respond. So always deliver a one-on-one message to your online dates rather than sending out something generic.”


How to use this tip: It’s pretty much a given that online dates want to feel special, so make it clear you’re into each person as an individual from the get-go by personalizing your initial email. Phrases like “I really liked your profile” won’t cut it, since it could apply to anyone. Instead, mention something specific about their profile that you liked, whether that’s “I’m amazed you run marathons” or “Wow, a fellow Red Sox fan; I’m in heaven!” By making it clear he or she stood out from the crowd, you’ll stand out, too.

*Tip #5: Think targeted (not mass-market) interpersonal messaging*
“In your correspondence with other online daters, don’t try to be too many things to too many people. Do you want to be any old coffee shop or Starbucks? In marketing, when you narrow the breadth of appeal, you increase intensity of appeal. Really focus on who you are and what you’re looking for.”


How to use this tip: If you’re craving some dating success, you may think it’s wise to smooth over your rough edges and play up just how compatible you are with everyone. You might use phrases like “happy to go out or stay in” in your profile, or email dates, “I like all types of cuisine, why don’t you pick the restaurant?” or tell them, “American Idol’s a pretty good show” even though you can’t stand it. But being easygoing can actually put you at a disadvantage since dates never get a handle on who you really are. So go ahead and say, “Nothing beats a night of Chinese takeout and a kung fu movie marathon” in your profile, or feel free to tell your date, “American Idol actually drives me nuts; what’s your opinion on why it’s so popular?” Your strong viewpoints may drive some suitors away, but you’ll also be attracting people who truly dig your sensibilities


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> My workplace is insane this week. Lots of administrative changes resulting in bureaucratic chaos.


Yah, sometimes you just have to put your head down and plow through and realize you will have no personal life til it's finished. At least humans have to sleep so there is some escape from it if even temporarily.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, exactly! I feel really lucky because not only am I getting a chance with someone I have had a "thing" for for a long time, I got my BFF family back again.


The Universe has a strange way to it doesn't it? 
I wish you the best. 

It seems all the single TAMer's have luck in the dating department and get hooked up pretty regularly. 

Guess what guys? I am pushing 5 months with the GF since we started actually dating! Kind of crazy isn't it?!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> The Universe has a strange way to it doesn't it?
> I wish you the best.
> 
> It seems all the single TAMer's have luck in the dating department and get hooked up pretty regularly.
> 
> Guess what guys? I am pushing 5 months with the GF since we started actually dating! Kind of crazy isn't it?!


yay!!! Congrats you two!!!

hmmm... believe it or not, it also has been almost 5 months since I met blue eyes.... wow.... time is flying


----------



## whitehawk

Nah, it's just not only way too soon but then the her friend stuff too. Awkward 
Mind you she doesn't see or hear about anything to do with my personal life yet but she just happened to be with me 
She's so funny, it's like hanging out with a gf or your wife. She sees and here's "everything", anything, she doesn't even have to be taking any notice. 
Picks things up before they've even happened  .
So unfortunately no way l could suss her out about dog girl, sounds nice l'll change that to beach girl, that's better. But she'd be onto it before l even opened my mouth :lol:

l've never heard a bad word about beach girl though. D really likes her actually l can see that, just not near me :rofl: 
lt's funny really , could be fun if we did start seeing each other , espionage like .


----------



## whitehawk

Ha , my d's probably filled her friend in wks ago, his probably had his 500 fb friends all over the case  ever since . 
Phones tapped , kids in trees and skate boards on every corner over the whole state :rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Nah, it's just not only way too soon but then the her friend stuff too. Awkward
> Mind you she doesn't see or hear about anything to do with my personal life yet but she just happened to be with me
> She's so funny, it's like hanging out with a gf or your wife. She sees and here's "everything", anything, she doesn't even have to be taking any notice.
> Picks things up before they've even happened  .
> So unfortunately no way l could suss her out about dog girl, sounds nice l'll change that to beach girl, that's better. But she'd be onto it before l even opened my mouth :lol:
> 
> l've never heard a bad word about beach girl though. D really likes her actually l can see that, just not near me :rofl:
> lt's funny really , could be fun if we did start seeing each other , espionage like .


My kids and their friends would make mincemeat out of you WH.
Last winter they maneuvered to put me on a ski lift with the very single dad and then couldn't stop laughing, not only because they bailed from the lift line at the very last moment, but also because we got in chair #69 just by chance.

I did give him my number and his kid is always really friendly to me whenever I see him, but he never called :-(

Oh well, small town, there will be more skiing this winter. :rofl:

And my kids were kind of upset that one of the teachers at the school that I liked started dating one of the other teachers. Darn it. And I think that his dating life interfered with an after school program he was going to put together that one of my kids was interested in. Double darn.

Well, it's almost time for the annual camping trip. 
My buddy moved back to Australia (different guy than former Aussie friend I ditched) and so this year nobody to make coffee for in the morning. It's my one solid week of dedicated female service to a man. I even heated his cup up first and would remember to get his favorite snacks. 

My kids are going to have to patrol the campground and find me a replacement. I'm horrible, I ride around with them in my bathing suit on my bike and flip flops or bare feet.


----------



## moxy

5 months? Awesome AP. You guys seem like you've been together longer. 

Also pretty cool for you, ne. I forgot to ask how y'all met.

I've been hanging out with Guy for seven months, but, we do not act like boyfriend and girlfriend. Lately, though, there is more affection and closeness and comfort. (I miss his company even more than the sex, these days; that's unusual). The other night, when I stayed over, I didn't leave after hooking up, in the middle of the night, at dawn, or even shortly after he woke; we stayed in bed, cuddled-up, watching TV and talking (there was even hand-holding involved that he initiated) until about 1pm. It was really nice. (I would've liked morning sex, but that hasn't happened yet). Then, I left to go do some work; the real reason I left was that at that point, I got nervous and skittish and shy. Funny how relationships even of similar times of duration are not the same. We discussed venturing out of the bedroom, sometime.

Coincidentally, I was just thinking about the different levels of depth in relationships, earlier today. One of the few times I feel sad about being single is when I am sick. Today, I seem to have come down with some kind of cold or flu and it's making me wanna be taken care of. I used to take care of ex-h when he was sick, he did the same for me before we married, but afterward was all "stay over there so you don't get me sick!" Ugh. Mega-rejection. I can imagine taking care of Guy when he's under the weather, but I can't imagine him taking care of me. On the plus side, we've both had coughs and colds at the same time before and he's not a jerk about it if I'm sniffling or coughing around him; that's new for me. 

I guess we all gauge relationships differently.


----------



## movealong

Well, my date is set for next Saturday. barring any unforeseen circumstances I will make the 2 hour trek to meet her. We are meeting at the restaurant and from there who knows? I am not worrying about it. If we hit it off, we can find something to do after dinner or just sit and chat. I am comfortable either way. It's nice not to worry about it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Look what I found! Hope some of you (us) find this helpful:
> 
> Market yourself online like a pro to other singles


But, I despise people who will buy into glitzy psychosocial marketing!

I don't want to deliver a finished product as it tends to come with all sorts of guarantees and promises.
I need someone who won't mind dusting and polishing and who is totally okay with operating without the user's manual.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> My workplace is insane this week. Lots of administrative changes resulting in bureaucratic chaos.


Moxy, do you work in my office?? :scratchhead:

Kidding. Crazy time of year for me, regardless. Just has a sprinkling of admin shake ups. And I'm divorcing. And moving my kid to college. And moving into my own place for the first time.

No big.


----------



## whitehawk

What about their father HM , how long have you been divorced ?
They see him don't they ?
They must be much further along this muddy road than what mine is .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> What about their father HM , how long have you been divorced ?
> They see him don't they ?
> They must be much further along this muddy road than what mine is .


Wasn't really married.

Kids and I have been single for ages. Was the same way with my eldest. 

Don't want to get married. Just want a relationship, with no move-in thankyouverymuch. I like my space and I work from home and tried being married to someone and he turned out to be a total a** and abusive. 

My kids dad and I were not married and I left him when my youngest was an infant. My kids now understand why. :rofl:
They realize we are all much much much better off this way, in fact we feel that we have maximized the happiness factor in our lives although we do keep tweaking it here and there.

I also have an older son.

No muddy road here, just a nice flowing river.


----------



## Arendt

Well I moved to a new city on Friday. The day i moved in a neighbor asked me out for coffee for Sunday when I was "settled". I'm still not unpacked . Went with her for coffee on Sunday morning and it was nice. She is nice. I wasn't really into her though...

And I broke all my previous statements. I set up a match.com profile. I got three coffee dates set up. All of them very beautiful, and two of them I just feel like I am committing a crime or something...no way a woman that beautiful should be talking to me.

I am surprised at how easy it is given the comments here. But after my neighbor asked ME out I was like, no way I am waiting around in this city...lets go.

I revamped the profile today because it was boring before...I'm not really boring.

Anyway...being single in the city is way different than that hole in the universe they call Indiana. I may never finish my dissertation or unpack at this rate


----------



## whitehawk

His firing . Yeah typically city girls do tend to look after themselves and age much better. Not all l know but there's much more to choose from.

l grew up in a large city and now when l look at the girls on my site for my area as compared to browsing my old city , hooley dooley , what a difference and 1,000s of them.
There's some great girls up my way but not much to choose from on my site though. Dunno where they're all hiding.
Can get dozens of dates but finding someone l'm into now that's proving another story.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> His firing . Yeah typically city girls do tend to look after themselves and age much better. Not all l know but there's much more to choose from.


Aye, only problem is that they tend to be $$$-focused, which just makes me FWBise them so they can't rob me 

Besides, they are easily replaced!


----------



## Arendt

Yeah dude this is great. This one chick I am meeting on Thursday is moving in two months in to the West Coast and is only up here visiting for a few months. She wants to hook up with a guy for the time she's here and have fun. I thought about it and am like...yeah maybe I can do that. She's really cool Black woman with tons of style and wit. I was reading what people here are up to along those lines and always thought that that could not be for me, but it just might be. 

The others are locals staying. Meeting one woman tomorrow night. We talked on the phone the other night and she was cool. Guatemalan . REally beautiful but a little short 5' 3".

Then there is this hot white artist woman. Damn...

I feel like an alcoholic in a bar: give me one of everything. 

Better slow down probably . On the other hand, I spent two years "working on myself" and all that and what was all that for if not to be able to get out and about, and be comfortable doing so, and if somebody is long-term material not bringing that old baggage? Just getting out is part of what I needed to work on with my track record of working and isolation. 

I've not even started meeting women at the place I will be volunteering which is full of women right up my alley...


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Aye, only problem is that they tend to be $$$-focused, which just makes me FWBise them so they can't rob me
> 
> Besides, they are easily replaced!


Yeah the girl I met on Sunday was a little spoiled in life so I was not into her. SHe was pretty, but her outlook was not really where mine is at. Pretty only gets a person so far.


----------



## whitehawk

The problem with where l've moved to is it's very pretty, beachy lifestyle but if the suns not out it's as dead as a doornail.
They come from everywhere when the sun rears it's head and through summer it's got the people , beaches , you feel like your the luckiest bloke on the planet.

So that's the catch . l'm thinking l might just keep renting for even 2yrs here and not buy.
See if l can cope with the dead times , see what else pops up. Stay close to my daughter for now and by then she'd be 15 so if l wanted to buy somewhere bigger and livelier through the year later, l could go a bit further .

Admittedly , l am slightly concerned after being here awhile now with cold weather .


----------



## whitehawk

Oh God , l've just had to do the deed with 3 girls l've been talking to for a few days.
Not really my types , again , AND , would you believe another doctor.
She only told me today.
WTF going on :scratchhead:

l've known a few doctors but l've never had one interested in me, that l know of anyway . Now 2 , weird !

Anyway , l'll never get use to doing the deed


----------



## whitehawk

PS . And what is it with these face only pics . Does women really think we don't need a full pic :scratchhead:

Thank God l didn't have to ask beach girl for fkg pics , and very nice she is too 
Mind you , not sure if that's even gonna add up to anything anyway of course but oh well .

ps , l'm gonna have to sneak out alone Sunday and find her , get her damn phone number and hook up . D's been way too close to grab it yet , funny really.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol found this, just thought I'd share:












whitehawk said:


> PS . And what is it with these face only pics . Does women really think we don't need a full pic :scratchhead:


Isn't it obvious? It's because of THIS:


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> She wants to hook up with a guy for the time she's here and have fun. I thought about it and am like...yeah maybe I can do that.


:smthumbup:



whitehawk said:


> So that's the catch . l'm thinking l might just keep renting for even 2yrs here and not buy.


Could you rent out your beach play as a vacation spot? And jack up the prices in the summer/high time? People always love a nice vacation crib.


----------



## Jellybeans

I am also having an Arendt experience. Lol.

I have three guys that want to go out this week! And I've also been sort of making out with a past love so yeah I am all over the place.

But...I feel weird about multi-dating. It feels like...cheating? Or something? I guess it's hard for me to concentrate one one person when there are others...? Advice?


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Meh, IMO - There's no cheating as long as there's honesty, like when FWB was just a FB at one time and I had another FB - both knew about each other and had no issues. So if I don't see a problem with multi-dating or how it would be considered cheating.

Not like one should rub in their date's face however that they aren't the only one. As for concentrating on one person it'll happen naturally when you decide which one to invest your emotions in, as for all the others it's not your responsibility in regards to their feelings as they should understand the risk.

Only problem is when you are torn between multiple dates! But that's another story, but a simple solution nonetheless - pick one or risk losing both! (Unless you decide to be a player and lead both on at the same time - then that's cheating)


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Lol found this, just thought I'd share:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Isn't it obvious? It's because of THIS:



l want that blonde . l could get lost in there :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Could you rent out your beach play as a vacation spot? And jack up the prices in the summer/high time? People always love a nice vacation crib.


Nah , couldn't really swing that bc my d needs the stability . She loves it anyway. lt is really nice . Just very still and lonely when the sun disappears. lt's a weird thing. One minute your feeling like your gonna grow old alone and the next people are everywhere. When it's like that it's gorgeous. That'd probably only be about 1/3 the year all up though unfortunately.
Maybe 5 or 6mths a yr , l'm not really sure yet tbh . lf it turns out 5 or 6 a year that's not too bad l spose. Could enjoy the down time maybe .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I am also having an Arendt experience. Lol.
> 
> I have three guys that want to go out this week! And I've also been sort of making out with a past love so yeah I am all over the place.
> 
> But...I feel weird about multi-dating. It feels like...cheating? Or something? I guess it's hard for me to concentrate one one person when there are others...? Advice?


Yeah it's never been your style jb. l think we're both weaving webs we don't even like :rofl:
l get lonely though out here when there's no one round so then l get bored and start hooking up and next minute l'm back in my own web . Not sure if l'm the spider or the fly :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Nah , couldn't really swing that bc my d needs the stability . She loves it anyway. lt is really nice . Just very still and lonely when the sun disappears. lt's a weird thing. One minute your feeling like your gonna grow old alone and the next people are everywhere. When it's like that it's gorgeous. That'd probably only be about 1/3 the year all up though unfortunately.


Hmm... was thinking, if TAM ever has an Aussie beach vacation trip planned, we are crashing Whitehawk's place! I'll bring the Coronas and a beach ball!



whitehawk said:


> Yeah it's never been your style jb. l think we're both weaving webs we don't even like :rofl:


Well that's the thing. I feel like I am having an anxiety attack thinking about going on dates with more than one guy, three, and having hooked up with an ex. I am seriously not a random hook-up type person. Granted, I feel like there is no better time than now in my life but it feels so WEIRD and not me. LOL. 

The one guy tried to go in for a kiss I think and I felt SO strange. He was very handsy (not pervy, just put his hand on the small of my back as we walked) at the end of our date and it made me uncomfortable. Maybes I am not ready? But how?


----------



## ne9907

i had a great night last night. I am still smiling


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Hmm... was thinking, if TAM ever has an Aussie beach vacation trip planned, we are crashing Whitehawk's place! I'll bring the Coronas and a beach ball!
> 
> 
> Haha , anytime jb :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Hmm... was thinking, if TAM ever has an Aussie beach vacation trip planned, we are crashing Whitehawk's place! I'll bring the Coronas and a beach ball!
> 
> 
> 
> Well that's the thing. I feel like I am having an anxiety attack thinking about going on dates with more than one guy, three, and having hooked up with an ex. I am seriously not a random hook-up type person. Granted, I feel like there is no better time than now in my life but it feels so WEIRD and not me. LOL.
> 
> The one guy tried to go in for a kiss I think and I felt SO strange. He was very handsy (not pervy, just put his hand on the small of my back as we walked) at the end of our date and it made me uncomfortable. Maybes I am not ready? But how?



l think your ready with the right guy but not the wrong guy . lt sounds obvious but it's not always .
lf it's the wrong girl which all but 2 have been , l actually feel a bit sick.
Both were lust but beach house was a lot more too .
Nah it's not you but then there's the ex on top of it , no wonder , really.

For me tbh , l could really kick myself every time l get bored or want some company . Most people might ring a friend or find maybe one date but nah not me . Somehow l end up getting tangled up with 3 new women. lt really doesn't gel for me though at all. 
My lifes always gone this strange feast or famine type pattern. 
What l really should be doing is holding off until the right girl comes a long :scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> The one guy tried to go in for a kiss I think and I felt SO strange. He was very handsy (not pervy, just put his hand on the small of my back as we walked) at the end of our date and it made me uncomfortable. Maybes I am not ready? But how?


I would take that feeling to mean that you are not into him...NEXT.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Lol found this, just thought I'd share:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Isn't it obvious? It's because of THIS:




ps . btw , you got a real way with words sometimes rd . :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

oh and I can still smell him on me... I feel like blushing.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> i had a great night last night. I am still smiling


Got some nookie?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Got some nookie?


and a movie, and wine, and dessert.... so great.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> and a movie, and wine, and dessert.... so great.


In that order?

I always enjoy dates where you get laid first, then you go out.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> and a movie, and wine, and dessert.... so great.


Ahh, the girlfriend treatment...sounds familiar...


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I would take that feeling to mean that you are not into him...NEXT.


He is a hot computer nerd though with great hair... 

LOL



3Xnocharm said:


> Ahh, the girlfriend treatment...sounds familiar...


What does that mean? Mr. No chem? "girlfriend treatment"


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ahh, the girlfriend treatment...sounds familiar...


hmm, we are not girlfriend/boyfriend. We just rarely see each other, maybe once every two weeks. So we make the most of it.....

Yeah, so is he Mr. No Chem look alike?

He gave me lots of kisses haha!


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> In that order?
> 
> 
> 
> I always enjoy dates where you get laid first, then you go out.



Agreed! Unless the going out involves emotionally complicated psychological foreplay for really intense, tawdry sex afterwards. Mindfvck, then the real fvck.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Agreed! Unless the going out involves emotionally complicated psychological foreplay for really intense, tawdry sex afterwards. Mindfvck, then the real fvck.


Okay y'all....Where was the wildest place you've ever done it?

Public phone booth for me.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Okay y'all....Where was the wildest place you've ever done it?
> 
> 
> 
> Public phone booth for me.



Airplane.


----------



## Jellybeans

I'd rather have all the mental sex first. Nothing is sexier than flirting and that build up. Trumps fvcking before a date every time.

Plus, ew... I don't know you!


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> ...
> Trumps fvcking before a date every time.
> 
> Plus, ew... I don't know you!


Well, not before a FIRST date!!!


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Well, not before a FIRST date!!!


You are funny, Moxy. Did youe ver hear again from the neighbor guy who moved away?

Ok so one guy said he wanted to meet up. I suggested a place/time (low key restaurant) and he told me he's "too fancy" for that place. So funny. It's hilarious because I know some of you say coffee dates are the best way to go (and one guy did say coffee was good). And then there's this guy. Life. Funny.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You are funny, Moxy. Did youe ver hear again from the neighbor guy who moved away?
> 
> Ok so one guy said he wanted to meet up. I suggested a place/time (low key restaurant) and he told me he's "too fancy" for that place. So funny. It's hilarious because I know some of you say coffee dates are the best way to go (and one guy did say coffee was good). And then there's this guy. Life. Funny.


Wow... personally i would not go out with someone who says someplace is not fancy enough for him.
On the other hand, it shows he is confident lets hope he is not too ****y.....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> He is a hot computer nerd though with great hair...
> 
> LOL


Haha! Well, great hair does not always lead to cant keep your hands off him...



Jellybeans said:


> What does that mean? Mr. No chem? "girlfriend treatment"


Yep.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Wow... personally i would not go out with someone who says someplace is not fancy enough for him.
> On the other hand, it shows he is confident lets hope he is not too ****y.....


Yeah, that would not be my kind of guy!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep.



It sucks when a man does us wrong.... your heart will heal, thank you for looking out for me.

Actually, his (blue eyes) project here is almost complete. His next project will most likely take him to either Hawaii or Arizona.
We have not discussed anything about his move, we both know it is happening. No need.
He did mention something about Hawaii having a great observatory that maybe I would like to visit.

No holding my breath to be honest, just enjoying the time we spend together, and if he wants to pamper me I will not complain


----------



## Jellybeans

I actually thought the "fancy" comment was funny. Maybe I'm the weirdo here? Lol.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> It sucks when a man does us wrong.... your heart will heal, thank you for looking out for me.
> 
> Actually, his (blue eyes) project here is almost complete. His next project will most likely take him to either Hawaii or Arizona.
> We have not discussed anything about his move, we both know it is happening. No need.
> He did mention something about Hawaii having a great observatory that maybe I would like to visit.
> 
> No holding my breath to be honest, just enjoying the time we spend together, and if he wants to pamper me I will not complain


Okay. I just dont want you to get sucked into something that wasnt real.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> You are funny, Moxy. Did youe ver hear again from the neighbor guy who moved away?


Yes. Neighbor Guy is Guy that I've been talking about on this thread. He moved but we are still hanging out. It's going on 7 months now. I have kinda fallen for him, but I have not told him so. He's going away with the army in a few months. I'm going to miss him. 

I flirt with lots of other guys, but since ex-h, Guy is the only person I've gotten together with. 



Jellybeans said:


> Ok so one guy said he wanted to meet up. I suggested a place/time (low key restaurant) and he told me he's "too fancy" for that place. So funny. It's hilarious because I know some of you say coffee dates are the best way to go (and one guy did say coffee was good). And then there's this guy. Life. Funny.


LOL. It makes me laugh that he considers himself too fancy! You should see what his idea of a date is, just for kicks.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Yes. Neighbor Guy is Guy that I've been talking about on this thread.


Ah, well now that makes sense! 

You said he is going off with the Army...does that mean he's a young gun? 

I flirt with lots of other guys, but since ex-h, Guy is the only person I've gotten together with. 



moxy said:


> LOL. It makes me laugh that he considers himself too fancy! You should see what his idea of a date is, just for kicks.


That's why I was intrigued and thought it was funny. I mean I thought most guys would want something more low key which is why I suggested a pretty inexpensive place. Unless his fancy is something I consider mediocre. Funny!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Okay. I just dont want you to get sucked into something that wasnt real.


I think it is real for the time being. It is not what most of us would call romantic love, but it is real. As real as it can get with two consenting adults who know this is going nowhere. But real nonetheless


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I think it is real for the time being. It is not what most of us would call romantic love, but it is real.* As real as it can get with two consenting adults who know this is going nowhere.* But real nonetheless


:rofl: Best laugh today. Well as long as you are both on the same page then it's all good!


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> You said he is going off with the Army...does that mean he's a young gun?


Yes, indeed. And so incredibly sexy. He's a hot young stud that talks like a cowboy from Texas, works his big muscles on the oil-fields, happens to be in the military, studies at a university where I do not teach, constantly surprises me with his sweetness and creativity in the bedroom but still thinks I'm like a porn star in bed, and seems to find me attractive despite my stupid, detached behavior. He looks at me like he's going to devour me, says my name like it's a secret shared in darkness, and makes me forget about everything in the world except for his mouth when he kisses me -- and, he looks really good in a pair of blue jeans. See why I'm hooked? Ha. I know I've objectified him here for effect, but what really got me was that he has a strong sense of morality, integrity, responsibility, and courage; usually, I go for the troublemakers, but I get the sense that he's actually a decent guy. Now, he is young and very handsome, so he may wander off and find excitement somewhere else when he gets bored, but I am enjoying the hell out of this ride in the meantime. 



Jellybeans said:


> That's why I was intrigued and thought it was funny. I mean I thought most guys would want something more low key which is why I suggested a pretty inexpensive place. Unless his fancy is something I consider mediocre. Funny!


Exactly! Makes me curious to know what he would prefer. You should find out! And, then, tell us.



ne9907 said:


> I think it is real for the time being.


"Real for the time being" is all anyone ever has, never mind the promises and the hopes, because one never knows how things will go tomorrow.



Jellybeans said:


> Well as long as you are both on the same page then it's all good!


Exactly. Otherwise, your story will have some built in complications that might make for a better retelling than an initial experience. 

Don't we all sometimes do things just for the story that they will become in the after?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I am also having an Arendt experience. Lol.
> 
> I have three guys that want to go out this week! And I've also been sort of making out with a past love so yeah I am all over the place.
> 
> But...I feel weird about multi-dating. It feels like...cheating? Or something? I guess it's hard for me to concentrate one one person when there are others...? Advice?


Wow feast or famine eh JB?
Good for you 

I never really felt comfortable with the idea of multi dating hence why I never could do it. Hell I barely had enough time to put in the effort for current GF, but it all worked out and now I don't have to worry about it.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> . He looks at me like he's going to devour me, says my name like it's a secret shared in darkness, and makes me forget about everything in the world except for his mouth when he kisses me


You truly are a poet.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> constantly surprises me with his sweetness and creativity in the bedroom but still thinks I'm like a porn star in bed, and seems to find me attractive despite my stupid, detached behavior.


Haha. Love this! 



Another Planet said:


> Wow feast or famine eh JB?
> Good for you


I know, right? When it rains, it pours. It is like that song, "It's raining men." On my phone. :rofl:



Another Planet said:


> I never really felt comfortable with the idea of multi dating hence why I never could do it. Hell I barely had enough time to put in the effort for current GF


Yeah man. Talk about feeling pulled all over the place.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Okay y'all....Where was the wildest place you've ever done it?
> 
> Public phone booth for me.


Top of a fire tower lookout post on the beach while the sun was setting over lake Michigan.


----------



## Arendt

an airplane! wow. 

You know I am this dreadlocked guy with a million tattoos, and a "badboy" track record I suppose...well I know...and you have to get a person from Europe to be more liberal then me politically, and even then...but when it comes to sex...I'm this conservative guy. I've never dated more than one woman at once, never even considered sex in a public space (fear of arrest I guess), and am probably not even up for sex on a first date myself...maybe its all that religion eating away at my brain...needs to be cut out or something.

hmmm....


----------



## Another Planet

Another Planet said:


> Top of a fire tower lookout post on the beach while the sun was setting over lake Michigan.



Guess that is not that wild but boy oh boy it was memorable 
I have had sex just about everywhere so I guess I need a more passionate experience then exciting experience to be meaningful to me.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Guess that is not that wild but boy oh boy it was memorable
> I have had sex just about everywhere so I guess I need a more passionate experience then exciting experience to be meaningful to me.


hmmm...
behind a brick wall by the train station at a small town in Germany. Almost got caught.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> hmmm...
> behind a brick wall by the train station at a small town in Germany. Almost got caught.


Is this a competition?! LOL Fine... the elevator in my old High School with an exGF...
Crowded beach in the water with exWife... 
In my exGF's boyfriends beds(yes with multiple exGF's...not proud of it) <----absolutely CRAZY of me!!! Never again!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Is this a competition?! LOL Fine... the elevator in my old High School with an exGF...
> Crowded beach in the water with exWife...
> In my exGF's boyfriends beds(yes with multiple exGF's...not proud of it) <----absolutely CRAZY of me!!! Never again!


oh honey (imagine me saying it in the most condesending voice you have ever heard), you would know if it was a competition.


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: To all of you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Okay y'all....Where was the wildest place you've ever done it?
> 
> Public phone booth for me.


Hmmm, probably pool table. Or, in my truck in the parking lot of a bar a few months back!


----------



## ne9907

we are a roudy bunch today, must be the water.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> oh honey (imagine me saying it in the most condesending voice you have ever heard), you would know if it was a competition.


LOL


----------



## Another Planet

See if I think about it I just keep shaking my head at some of the things I have done...
Cemetery late at night in a car...till the cops tapped on the glass...YIKES could see the headlines if we got in trouble from that one- Prominent head nurse and local business owner land jail time for indecent exposure in local cemetery 0_0


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Hmmm, probably pool table. Or, in my truck in the parking lot of a bar a few months back!



Soooo jealous. Never done either of those, would totally want to. I've thought about Guy in his truck or playing pool often enough, though.

Hmm. To do lists might become necessary.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> See if I think about it I just keep shaking my head at some of the things I have done...
> Cemetery late at night in a car...till the cops tapped on the glass...YIKES could see the headlines if we got in trouble from that one- Prominent head nurse and local business owner land jail time for indecent exposure in local cemetery 0_0



Cemeteries are always interesting.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Soooo jealous. Never done either of those, would totally want to. I've thought about Guy in his truck or playing pool often enough, though.
> 
> Hmm. To do lists might become necessary.


I actually do not feel like experimenting anymore, I have done quite a bit. 

Only thing I would do is ecstasy but you all have already told me NOT to and I trust your advice.


----------



## Ikaika

Ob units likely to be busy nine months from now, here

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showpost.php?p=9875850


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's a toss up: parking garage (not busted but may have been filmed by security cams?) or mountain river (busted by State Trooper, was in my late teens/early 20's, I think he moved us along just out of spite, after watching a while - perv!)


----------



## ne9907

Dreiro!!!!

Hawaii has more than one observatory right? Which one would you say is the best for tourists?


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> Dreiro!!!!
> 
> Hawaii has more than one observatory right? Which one would you say is the best for tourists?


| W. M. Keck Observatory


----------



## whitehawk

Nothing wild about this one but except it wound up wild.
My gf and l were driving up the country for the w/e. Driving along , we look at each other , next minute we're tearing down this side track looking for a spot, nearly hit a tree, cars sliding everywhere.
Nose dived the car into bushes , jump out , dropping pants , ripping of gf's shorts, swinging her onto drivers seat from outside drivers door and we're at it like madman .
But l feel something and look down and l'm standing right in the middle of a huge bull ant nest and they're attacking me. They're in my pants,undies , all over my feet biting like fk by now.

Two naked crazy people out in this dead end track jumping all over , yelling, screaming, belting each other trying to kill bull ants , clothes flying everywhere, body bits bouncing everywhere. Would've looked like some mad comedy movie if someone else drove in .

We finally got rid of them all and them out of our clothes, looked at each other, ahhhh, think we might get dressed and get outa here hey.
We spent the rest of the w/e putting cream on each others bites and lying around moaning .


----------



## movealong

I thought it was pretty cool when my X and I had sex on the desk in my office (worked together briefly when she first moved in) during lunch, but that was only a prelude. We waited until after hours on a Friday night and made our way to the conference room in Administration. We did it on the big conference table. Not the most unusual place for me, but one of the coolest!


----------



## Arendt

I just got home from a wonderful time with a woman...originally from guatemala. She was a professional rock climber, runs marathons (has done it for decades not because of divorce). We had such a great time. We met on match, but she said she had just delted her account when I emailed, because she felt the whole online thing was not for her...long story...anyway.

She was wonderful. 

She definitely wants to see me again...same here. I didn't know what to expect. But she was really great. Smart, funny, friendly, and toally into me.

So...I got this hook up for two months gal...I think if I were to start seeing this Guatemalan woman I would feel like I am cheating if I date more than one. So I am going to postpone the whole hook up thing...or cancel it.

Geez...so I told her I'd text...give her my full name and such...

Any advice on how to handle this. What do you do when you meet somebody and you just click? She's so beautiful too...I mean really do feel like this is a sham...like I am doing something wrong or being tricked here...she can't be into me.


----------



## Arendt

Also, I am supposed to meet this artsy gal on Thursday for coffee. I can do that without feeling bad. She's also gorgeous...like model gorgeous (younger...32). We have tons in common and our talks have been great so far. But meeting in person is always different. I didn't expect to be blown away by this guatemalan woman. I figured we'd meet for 45 minutes, kind of think each other are cool but that is about it. figured at best i might end up in a FWB situation that had no real connection, just sex or something. I would not use this woman that way. I'd feel dirty.


----------



## moxy

Arendt, you really seem into this woman. Cancel the coffee date. Cancel the hook up. Just go out with this woman for a bit and see if things go well. You're not really going to enjoy either of the other two when your mind is on this woman with whom you have just connected. It sounds insanely sweet and romantic. Go all in.


----------



## Arendt

Thanks Moxy. I canceled the hookup thing. That is not really me anyhow. could have led me down a path of habits I should not go down.

The coffee thing...I might do that because she's an art person and I want to meet art people here. But i can tell her that I think I want to see where it goes with somebody I met, but I like the art connection if she wants to stay in touch over that. Or is that too risky?

GW just invited me to go for a run with her on Saturday morning. I quit running a year and ahalf ago and focused on weights since then. But I'm taking up running again as of Saturday.

She deleted her account on Match, I emailed and she signed back in because I was the only guy, she says, that she had clicked like on. But she thought it had to be a trick from match to get her back on because the only guy she clicked suddenly emails right after she canceled. I told her I work for match.com  She believed me at first! Anyway...I'll see where this goes. Three weeks from now it could all fall apart.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Arendt, you really seem into this woman. Cancel the coffee date. Cancel the hook up. Just go out with this woman for a bit and see if things go well. You're not really going to enjoy either of the other two when your mind is on this woman with whom you have just connected. It sounds insanely sweet and romantic. Go all in.


If I was a bit less skeptical I would agree with you moxy, however from my experience I don't think Arendt should put all his eggs in one basket just yet.


----------



## Arendt

Yeah I slept on it a few hours before being woken by some noisy people on the street.

I do want to see where it could go with Marathon Girl, but it is probably too naive of me to run with the first woman on the first date I ever went out with post divorce. She may turn out to be the fun, friendly, strong, sexy woman I think she is, but she may also turn out to be a crazy stalker or something. I don't see it. i see an independent woman who doesn't need, yet wants a man. Exactly the kind of person fit for a relationship. But only time can tell if that is the actual case.

On the other hand, meeting her woke me up: I do not need to settle for something I am not really comfortable with and have not engaged with previously, that is, hookup type culture. If I am really honest with myself, I am just too old-fashioned and traditional for that kind of thing. Last night saved me from that.

I'm gonna go ahead and meet with Art Girl on Thursday and I'll think about whether to bring up the other person. I know for a fact that she is dating other men and has them knocking on her door constantly. So it would be no problem with her. We are meeting at Barnes and Nobles to get a coffee then she wants me to show her the comics section and graphic novels, which she has not been into till now (I am a big comics fan).

Another girl liked me on Match tonight: a persian grad student who is a classical pianist. I haven't responded but that profile looks pretty darn good. And I didn't have to make the first move  I got ten years on her though. That's a big gap in my book.

Whitehawk: Move to Milwaukee where the women are beautiful and flow like honey. I'm still not unpacked!


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> AND , would you believe another doctor.
> 
> WTF going on :scratchhead:
> 
> l've known a few doctors but l've never had one interested in me, that l know of anyway . Now 2 , weird !(


Go out with the hot doctor ladies and the younger beach girl, Whitehawk. What have you got to lose? 

My advice to you is the same, Arendt:



Arendt said:


> The coffee thing...I might do that because she's an art person and I want to meet art people here.


Go out with the art woman since you said yourself you want to meet art folks; go out with the Persian grad student, and go out with the Guatemalan. You said Guatemalan is the FIRST woman you've been out with since divorce? Yeah I don't have to lecture you on rebounds and whatnot. I just think that RD is right when he says:




RandomDude said:


> If I was a bit less skeptical I would agree with you moxy, however from my experience I don't think Arendt should put all his eggs in one basket just yet.


:iagree:

Agree. The Guatemalan story does sound lovely though. I just say get out and meet folks (if you want). They could end up being good friends, too.


----------



## Jellybeans

Had second date with Hot Computer Nerd. He has really lovely hair. He refused to let me pay for or split check again. I feel comfortable around him. At the end of the date, he hugged/kissed me on the cheek and I realized I did not want to kiss him on the lips.

Anyone heard from Vi-Bride or AngelPixie? If so, holler at them for me. Miss them.


----------



## whitehawk

Think vi's stayin away from our bad influences right now , and l don't blame her :rofl:.

So why didn't you want the lips jb , too soon or you just don't want those lips ?

Anyway , your right :smthumbup:.
You know with everything that's happened, in trying to keep safe we over think now , all sorts of bs and it's effing bs um, or something like that 

Beach girl , what's a few yrs we're into each other so who cares right now you see it all the time so what. Besides it might not even work out who knows so, as nice as the doctors are especially one in particular, they aren't for me. But beach girl on the other hand, she's been stuck in my head for wks .

So , l'm hoping to see her this wk and l wanna go out with her. Gonna be no mean feat with the kids but we're both creative and we'll come up with something. Could be fun !

ps - but why do l feel like l'd be going against my daughter , seeing beach girl ?
Hell it might not even get past one date anyway , never can tell .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Had second date with Hot Computer Nerd. He has really lovely hair. He refused to let me pay for or split check again. I feel comfortable around him. At the end of the date, he hugged/kissed me on the cheek and I realized I did not want to kiss him on the lips.
> 
> Anyone heard from Vi-Bride or AngelPixie? If so, holler at them for me. Miss them.


If you dont want to kiss him, how are you planning to proceed with Nerd?

I've been wondering about Angel too!


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Any advice on how to handle this. What do you do when you meet somebody and you just click? She's so beautiful too...I mean really do feel like this is a sham...like I am doing something wrong or being tricked here...she can't be into me.


Go out on your thursday date. Go out running with this marathon woman. Go out and meet many other people, be friendly, be outgoing, be happy. But keep your moral standards on check!
Remember, it was a first date!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> If you dont want to kiss him, how are you planning to proceed with Nerd?


In the words of my niece: IDK. 

Lol.

I know some of you say the slow build is better. For me though generally it's there or isn't.............. but I do find him attractive and feel very comfy with him. ... He's my first venture into online/phone dating of any kind. So I am not locking myself into anything.


----------



## muskrat

I have no idea about VI, but Angel is doing well.


----------



## muskrat

As for sexual experiences, I've been in many cemeteries (day and night), on pool tables and in more than one truck. I would say the most unique for me was one year my ex went with on opening day of deer season. It was cold and snowing, we were sitting on a fallen down tree eating lunch when the urge for desert took over. 
Then there was the girl I dated in high school. We decided to christen a friends family pool one day. I had no idea they had security cams until my friends dad asked me what I did last night while laughing his a$$ off.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Had second date with Hot Computer Nerd. He has really lovely hair. He refused to let me pay for or split check again. I feel comfortable around him. At the end of the date, he hugged/kissed me on the cheek and *I realized I did not want to kiss him on the lips.*
> 
> Anyone heard from Vi-Bride or AngelPixie? If so, holler at them for me. Miss them.


Why do you not want to kiss him, Jelly?

After my divorce, I was terrified of kissing somone else. I wanted to, but was terrified.
Would you believe blue eyes was the first person I kissed after my divorce?
I did not want to kiss him either, I was afraid, then when I finally did. I thought it wasnt good at all, but it has gotten very very great.


----------



## muskrat

So it looks like I have a date tonight with the new plan A. Since meeting her I have really backed off plan B and the old Plan A (now plan C). I have no interest in leading someone on, making them think I am really interested only to have to ditch them because I met someone else I really like.


----------



## muskrat

ne9907 said:


> Why do you not want to kiss him, Jelly?
> 
> After my divorce, I was terrified of kissing somone else. I wanted to, but was terrified.
> Would you believe blue eyes was the first person I kissed after my divorce?
> I did not want to kiss him either, I was afraid, then when I finally did. I thought it wasnt good at all, but it has gotten very very great.


You know what NE, as much as you say you know it isn't going anywhere with Blue, it is very clear that your emotional side and logical side are not in synch. I have a bad feeling that you are setting yourself up for a big heartbreak. I hope I am wrong, but reading your posts it is clear to me that you're more into him than you should be for only being an fwb with no future.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> You know what NE, as much as you say you know it isn't going anywhere with Blue, it is very clear that your emotional side and logical side are not in synch. I have a bad feeling that you are setting yourself up for a big heartbreak. I hope I am wrong, but reading your posts it is clear to me that you're more into him than you should be for only being an fwb with no future.


Get out of my head! LOL!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> So it looks like I have a date tonight with the new plan A. Since meeting her I have really backed off plan B and the old Plan A (now plan C). I have no interest in leading someone on, making them think I am really interested only to have to ditch them because I met someone else I really like.


:iagree:
Wow, all the men of TAM are getting plenty of action! You all are giving the women a run for our money~ Congrats guys!



muskrat said:


> You know what NE, as much as you say you know it isn't going anywhere with Blue, it is very clear that your emotional side and logical side are not in synch. I have a bad feeling that you are setting yourself up for a big heartbreak. I hope I am wrong, but reading your posts it is clear to me that you're more into him than you should be for only being an fwb with no future.


Perhaps you are right.
I feel that when he does leave I will be okay. I do enjoy our time together, I do not see a future with him at all. I do not want a future with him. 

I went out on several dates before blue eyes, even after, I went on a couple more dates. But all my dates were pretty awful. I like a certain type of man. If there is even a slight variation, I am out. Blue eyes just happened to fit that man almost perfectly (except for two aspects of his physical appearance) but since this isnt going the distance, I can overlook them.

But in the end, I might get my heart broken. It does not matter, I've had my heart broken before.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Get out of my head! LOL!


OMG, I just remembered something that happened last night and I must agree with you and Rat on the aspect that I am more emotionally invested that I let on, but sometimes I do not even know my feelings. 

So anyway, when I was in Vegas last month, I met this very hot 26 year old French guy who is in Vegas for the summer. Anyway, we talked and flirty a bit.
He is visiting CA this weekend and wanted to come see me. I said no. I told him no because I am having sex with someone, and I do not like to jump beds. 

So..... I am in trouble with the emotion police. Good think my brain is an excellent lawyer


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Okay y'all....Where was the wildest place you've ever done it?
> 
> Public phone booth for me.


Well, I did it in a car for the first time... on my first date with hot fireman 

That was a LOT of fun. Looking forward to doing that one again.

EDIT: Oh, did I mention it was in a church parking lot???


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> So it looks like I have a date tonight with the new plan A. Since meeting her I have really backed off plan B and the old Plan A (now plan C). I have no interest in leading someone on, making them think I am really interested only to have to ditch them because I met someone else I really like.


Good stuff. What happened to te lukewarm woman who kept axing the ideas to meet up and only talked via text?

Ne, I agree with Musk. Seems you are getting feelings. That tends to happen once you start sharing genitals with someone. Lol.


----------



## moxy

Ne, I don't think it's the case that you don't know your own feelings, but that you are in denial of them. It's okay to have fun with someone, just be aware of what's going on around you and it will be easier to navigate.


----------



## muskrat

Jellybeans said:


> Good stuff. What happened to te lukewarm woman who kept axing the ideas to meet up and only talked via text?
> 
> Ne, I agree with Musk. Seems you are getting feelings. That tends to happen once you start sharing genitals with someone. Lol.


Text girl is now the old plan A, current plan C. 


Of course we agree, you, me and 3x are kindred spirits that share the same mind.


----------



## Jellybeans

muskrat said:


> Text girl is now the old plan A, current plan C.


Haha. I am still confused.

You need a virtual Rolodex for all these ladies.

I will say something though, echoing what someone said yesterday, it does seem like the Singles in TAMers have their plates full with the pickin's. We are definitely not experiencing a drought up in these parts. 



muskrat said:


> Of course we agree, you, me and 3x are kindred spirits that share the same mind.


Yep. Musk, you are in some ways very much like the male version of me.


----------



## movealong

I just found a 100% compatibility match on zoosk while looking through the search results. It was weird to see it, but even more weird that my reaction to her profile and picture was "Meh".


----------



## Arendt

I am staying home to unpack today and had the internet installed. Dude was cool. His passion is art come to find out so we may find a time to meet and talk about how he could get into shows and such. Meeting friends in general is easy if you are amicable.

Question: So this Guatamalan, Marathon Girl, she invited me to go running on Saturday morning, which I will do, and then to a vegan breakfast afterword (she's not vegan or vegetarian so I thought that was thoughtful of her). How often do you stay in touch with somebody when you connect? I've seen ladies here upset when men don't text for a few days or whatever...I'm also not wanting to be needy, seem needy, or rush anything.

And JB, I am going to meet the Artsy woman tomorrow so that should work fine. Several women besides the persian liked me on Match last night. Definitely not a drought. I can pick and choose. Only the Persian Pianist seemed cool. One was a soccer mom. NO way...what is she thinking?


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> One was a soccer mom. NO way...what is she thinking?


Made me laugh.


----------



## moxy

Arendt, every situation is different. Some people like texting every day, others don't. I find that I feel like texting should happen every day, but I actually get restless only about four days into no communication. Like, I would be happiest of I were getting together once a week, but having a short conversation mid-week just to say hi and maybe make plans for the upcoming weekend. In my opinion, that demonstrates interest, but also gives a person space. Texting every day is a little too much, I have found, especially for busy people.


----------



## Jellybeans

Wait I am confused: 



moxy said:


> I find that I feel like texting should happen every day, but I actually get restless only about four days into no communication. L
> 
> Texting every day is a little too much, I have found, especially for busy people.


:scratchhead:

So do you like it every day or is that too much?

I guess I am only with a little bit every day "hi" "hope your day is going well" but not overtexters who want to tell you their entire life story. No, thanks!.


----------



## FeministInPink

Speaking of hot fireman, perhaps an update?

It seemed like the forces were working against us on Sunday; I had been out of town for a few days, and we were supposed to meet up that night. I had even changed my return bus ticket so we could spend more time together, since I was planning on going out of town again on Monday. But I had all kinds of delays with my bus, and then he had a flat tire... he did eventually get to my place around 9:30 pm. He was a little disappointed that I didn't greet him at the door in a towel again, but I made up for it 

Because he got there so late, I told him he could stay over, which is not normally my thing... I've never slept well with someone else in my bed, even when I was married, so I've never been a huge fan of the sleepover, especially so early in. But it wasn't such a problem. I don't remember this, but he told me later that we were cuddling and talking, and I just fell asleep, and we stayed like that for a while. Even when I rolled away, I held his hand all night.

I was supposed to go out of town again, but I've been delayed because of some work projects I need to finish. So we had an impromptu date last night. And his family is having a Mai Tai party on Friday, so I guess I'm meeting his family on our fifth date... ? I suppose it's better to find out if his family is totally whacked earlier rather than later. But I'm free to bail on the family party thing at any time up until we show up


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I don't remember this, but he told me later that we were cuddling and talking, and I just fell asleep, and we stayed like that for a while. Even when I rolled away, I held his hand all night.


Cute!

:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Wait I am confused:
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> So do you like it every day or is that too much?
> 
> I guess I am only with a little bit every day "hi" "hope your day is going well" but not overtexters who want to tell you their entire life story. No, thanks!.


Sorry, that was confusing. I mean to say that there is a dissonance in my psyche between my expectations and my desires. I feel obligated to text every day. Or, I feel like I should want it every day. But, that idea of how often people ought to communicate comes from some idea that isn't inherent to me or my needs as a person. If I truly examine what I want and not what I feel like I should want, then I find that texting once mid-week is what satisfies me and that texting every day feels overwhelming, even though it's what I think I should expect. Does that make sense? 

I am definitely an over-texter.  I don't WANT to be an overtexter, though; I just don't really know how to moderate communicative expectations without responding by way of micro-essay.


----------



## Jellybeans

YOu should do what feels comfortable for you, Moxy. It's funny that you say you you would be fine with mid-week texting and then say yu're an over-texter.

Lol.

One of my girl friends rarely texts me but when she does it is a WALL of text. Haha. It's about 6-9 texts back to back. Big stories. Always gives me a chuckle.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> One of my girl friends rarely texts me but when she does it is a WALL of text. Haha. It's about 6-9 texts back to back. Big stories. Always gives me a chuckle.


Same here with my girfriends.

With guys, I do not like it when they text all the time. I used to, but only because I would get bored and needed a conversation. At the beginning stages of any relationship, I feel it should be slow. But yeah, a text maybe every third day. However, it is different with all of us.
Arend, get a feel of Guatemalan woman. Does she initiate texts? If so she might be a talker. 

I really do not know. Every time a guy texts me every day, I lose interest. 

@Feminist
Very happy you are enjoying yourself, am I the only one who is a bit surprised at how quickly things are progressing? Just be very very careful please!!!

Then again, it might just be me. Last monday was the first time in 5 months that blue eyes and I hold hands in public.... and only because I had a glass of wine.


----------



## hope4family

I'm in a bit of a drought right now. Ex wife decided to go on vacation so no every other weekend. Money is tight due to issues with life as well. 

In the next 7 weeks our son will be with me for 6 straight. I am very excited for the fun we will have. I do miss my friends though and last time I went out, I met several ladies that caught my eye. 

Oh well, at least I am mysterious. Any idea's how to approach people with a energetic 3 year old?


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Arend, get a feel of Guatemalan woman. Does she initiate texts? If so she might be a talker.
> 
> I really do not know. Every time a guy texts me every day, I lose interest.


She texted me something asking if I got sleep (we drank coffee rather late in the evening which I don't usually do but forgot to as for decaf). She said she did but kept thinking about this "amazing guy who probably works for match.com." 

I did reply that I was helping a friend move and would touch base sometime later.

I don't feel a need to text everyday. But it doesn't take much effort and I don't text lots of words because I hate the small screens (I would email longer stuff so thankfully we are not doing that...I am a blabber mouth over that form of communication for some reason). 

I was just wondering what people's thoughts were and the replies are helpful. I'll talk with her about it too at some point to make sure things are clear on expectations on both ends. That is probably the best thing than trying to guess.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> @Feminist
> Very happy you are enjoying yourself, am I the only one who is a bit surprised at how quickly things are progressing? Just be very very careful please!!!
> 
> Then again, it might just be me. Last monday was the first time in 5 months that blue eyes and I hold hands in public.... and only because I had a glass of wine.


Ne, I appreciate your concern. I am definitely enjoying myself, but I'm also actively avoiding being swept up with the whole thing, being cautious and attentive. But I also don't want to punish him for the sins of my XH (or the sins of other exes, for that matter), and I don't want to live my present and future life confined by the fears of what happened to me previously.

He's clearly a relationship guy, and wants a relationship. He doesn't want to mess around and multi-date. There have been one or two occasions where I've had to say, "OK, this right here is a little too much for me right now, and this is why." And he's been thoughtful in his responses, and he has stepped back and respected those boundaries.

I was, initally, freaked out about this whole Mai Tai party/meet the family thing, because I thought it might be a little too soon. We sat down and talked about it, which was good; I got a better understanding of his motives for inviting me (they're doing this, so we could go if you want to, but we don't have to), and I was able to better explain where I was coming from with my hesitancy. So, I agreed to go, tentatively, but only with my emergency bail-out clause firmly in place.

I think it seems like it's going fast because we got physical so fast. But we're both very physical people, and all of my relationships have progressed very quickly when it comes to the physical side of things, and I've never had any problem breaking it off with a guy even if we were already physically intimate. With my XH, I think part of the allure was that he put off having sex with me for such a long time--he made me wait over a month, dangling that little sex carrot in front of me the entire time. If I hadn't been so focused on that damn little carrot, I might have seen his other red flags and high-tailed it out of there.

And I think meeting his family (and friends sometime soon, I hope) will help me assess how he is with other people. I think that's very important, and something I've not had the chance to observe yet.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Arendt said:


> She texted me something asking if I got sleep (we drank coffee rather late in the evening which I don't usually do but forgot to as for decaf). She said she did but kept thinking about this "amazing guy who probably works for match.com."
> 
> I did reply that I was helping a friend move and would touch base sometime later.
> 
> I don't feel a need to text everyday. But it doesn't take much effort and I don't text lots of words because I hate the small screens (I would email longer stuff so thankfully we are not doing that...I am a blabber mouth over that form of communication for some reason).
> 
> I was just wondering what people's thoughts were and the replies are helpful. I'll talk with her about it too at some point to make sure things are clear on expectations on both ends. That is probably the best thing than trying to guess.


Did you at least reply to her question? If not then she was probably offended by your reply. Just sayin. 

I am a text daily and often kind of person. OFTEN is not a requirement but I do like that, but daily...yeah, I need that.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> One of my girl friends rarely texts me but when she does it is a WALL of text. Haha. It's about 6-9 texts back to back. Big stories. Always gives me a chuckle.


This is something I do a LOT. I will be silent for all kinds of time. Then, I surface with many waves of words. I don't even expect a response right away, but eventually my friends will find the time and reply. They do this kind of thing, too. Most of my friends are also writers, so included in waves of back forth text between us are gripes and complaints about autocorrect or word choice or revisions of statements. It is probably amusing on the outside.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I really do not know. Every time a guy texts me every day, I lose interest.


Really? Does it depend on the guy? It does for me. 

Some people are great at text conversations. Some people are more about making plans. When the person has a good conversational style, I like lots of texting. When the person is getting pissy because I haven't replied to a good morning text sent at 10am by 3pm because I've been at work from 7am to 8pm and haven't even checked my phone, well....that's less than cool. Some people just like to check in regularly and that can be nice if the person is thinking of you or wanting to say hi, but annoying as all hell when it becomes an obligation! I tend to reply when I have time and expect that the other person will, too. Generally speaking, the everyday checking in gets monotonous, but if you haven't heard from someone in about 3-4 days, whatever that person has to say is more likely to be more interesting (maybe even more conversationally interesting) to you, just based on the previous absence of communication.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Most of my friends are also writers, so included in waves of back forth text between us are gripes and complaints about autocorrect


Auto correct is THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg it is so infuriating. Especially when you KEEP typing the same word over and over again WRONG. And it's not even a word!

Mine is forever doing YIU instead of YOU.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Auto correct is THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Omg it is so infuriating. Especially when you KEEP typing the same word over and over again WRONG. And it's not even a word!
> 
> Mine is forever doing YIU instead of YOU.
> 
> GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


Autocorrect is my enemy.


----------



## Arendt

No jB i did not answer if i had gotten sleep as that was in my view more of a rhetorical question, but i replied just now that I passed out eventually from the high she gave me.

I'm not a big fan of lots of texting of stories and such...or maybe I am...I don't know. It takes more time...and the autocorrect can be so annoying as Moxy says. It does the strangest things! Can be really funny. i tend not to worry about spelling and grammar and such in email and especially texting. I have strong copy-editing skills but tthose are for work, not this stuff. I've seen dating profiles where women complain or say "you need to be able to spell correctly in your communication" and I pass them by. It ain't the New Yorker (I mean, new yorka)


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> Autocorrect is my enemy.


An enemy you love to have around...admit it.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Really? Does it depend on the guy? It does for me.
> 
> Some people are great at text conversations. Some people are more about making plans. When the person has a good conversational style, I like lots of texting. When the person is getting pissy because I haven't replied to a good morning text sent at 10am by 3pm because I've been at work from 7am to 8pm and haven't even checked my phone, well....that's less than cool. Some people just like to check in regularly and that can be nice if the person is thinking of you or wanting to say hi, but annoying as all hell when it becomes an obligation! I tend to reply when I have time and expect that the other person will, too. Generally speaking, the everyday checking in gets monotonous, but if you haven't heard from someone in about 3-4 days, whatever that person has to say is more likely to be more interesting (maybe even more conversationally interesting) to you, just based on the previous absence of communication.


I agree, I think it's based on the guy. I tend to text/IM a lot, just because I can be a chatty Cathy, but I don't expect an instantaneous response or lots of texts/IMs in return. The one exception is, with the IM apps I use, I can see if the other person read/viewed the IM I sent you. I get irritated if I know that you read my IM more than six hours ago, but didn't respond yet; but I also know that people will intend to respond, and then forget, so I just send a little ping text to job their memory 

But sometimes, when other people are on IM at the same time, I've had pretty lengthy conversations via IM. For some people my age and younger, this is in lieu of talking on the phone. I don't do phone calls much, and really only insist on phone calls when things are getting lost in translation.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> But sometimes, when other people are on IM at the same time, I've had pretty lengthy conversations via IM. For some people my age and younger, this is in lieu of talking on the phone. I don't do phone calls much, and really only insist on phone calls when things are getting lost in translation.



I heart the text convos when they are actually happening. I never really talk on the phone, unless it's gotta do with work or something naughty.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> She texted me something asking if I got sleep (we drank coffee rather late in the evening which I don't usually do but forgot to as for decaf). She said she did but kept thinking about this "amazing guy who probably works for match.com."
> .


She is totally into you 
It is very cute, maybe you were a bit short with your response, but I really do not how I would respond.

I have concluded that I guard my emotions a lot, I do not see myself ever texting something like that... ever!!

I must be a cylon.


----------



## Arendt

That's funny. I'd much prefer to pick up the phone and talk...technology always makes me feel disconnected anyhow and texting is yet another step removed from the face-to-face thing which I find best.

I am with Plato (for your geeks): writing is a degenerate form of speaking, and makes us lose certain social skill sometimes. Texting is a degenerate form of writing!


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> Autocorrect is my enema.


Totally.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> She is totally into you
> It is very cute, maybe you were a bit short with your response, but I really do not how I would respond.
> 
> I have concluded that I guard my emotions a lot, I do not see myself ever texting something like that... ever!!
> 
> I must be a cylon.


well Cylon's can be really hot (number 6 i mean come on) and they feel too...they evolved after all!

Yeah I think she is. She was not offended by the text...didn't indicate so. Said she had a moment to text over lunch. I'll initiate a text later this evening or something just to make sure I didn't send any "Im too busy for you vibes."


----------



## unsure78

Arendt said:


> She texted me something asking if I got sleep (we drank coffee rather late in the evening which I don't usually do but forgot to as for decaf). She said she did but kept thinking about this "amazing guy who probably works for match.com."
> 
> I did reply that I was helping a friend move and would touch base sometime later.
> 
> I don't feel a need to text everyday. But it doesn't take much effort and I don't text lots of words because I hate the small screens (I would email longer stuff so thankfully we are not doing that...I am a blabber mouth over that form of communication for some reason).
> 
> I was just wondering what people's thoughts were and the replies are helpful. I'll talk with her about it too at some point to make sure things are clear on expectations on both ends. That is probably the best thing than trying to guess.


I do like a hi or good morning text, for me its a way to gauge a guys interest. ..seems to be the norm since ive been dating as well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Arendt said:


> I am staying home to unpack today and had the internet installed. Dude was cool. His passion is art come to find out so we may find a time to meet and talk about how he could get into shows and such. Meeting friends in general is easy if you are amicable.
> 
> Question: So this Guatamalan, Marathon Girl, she invited me to go running on Saturday morning, which I will do, and then to a vegan breakfast afterword (she's not vegan or vegetarian so I thought that was thoughtful of her). How often do you stay in touch with somebody when you connect? I've seen ladies here upset when men don't text for a few days or whatever...I'm also not wanting to be needy, seem needy, or rush anything.
> 
> And JB, I am going to meet the Artsy woman tomorrow so that should work fine. Several women besides the persian liked me on Match last night. Definitely not a drought. I can pick and choose. Only the Persian Pianist seemed cool. One was a soccer mom. NO way...what is she thinking?


Lol you have now made me curious about you Arednt? Im wondering what you look like...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Totally.


Roflololol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Arendt

unsure78 said:


> Lol you have now made me curious about you Arednt? Im wondering what you look like...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Best picture I could find...


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Lol you have now made me curious about you Arednt? Im wondering what you look like...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can vouch for him, he is very attractive


----------



## unsure78

Arendt said:


> Best picture I could find...


Bwhahhahaahahaaha! Love it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Think vi's stayin away from our bad influences right now , and l don't blame her :rofl:.


Haha. Bad influence. I come on here and read all about everyone's pursuits and I'm exhausted. It's a good deterrent.

Anyhow, I got matched to someone who seems compatible on EH who lives only 1/2 hour away, same age, family oriented and works from home 3/5 days Sometimes he travels for work, and his kids are approximately the same ages as my two eldest. Not too much taller than me. Same kinds of interests. And he's asked questions that a sane reasonable person would ask, right up front, when looking for a long term thing. Vs. all the compliments and stuff I usually get from the freaks and weirdos who just want to have me around for entertainment value. (I live an INTERESTING life, but I am generally a BORING person on a day to day basis, I'm one of those people who is a contradictory anomaly. ) Anyhow, it's nice to be treated as though I am a typical boring person who just does the typical normal stuff that a normal person does, most days.

He takes his grandmother to dinner every other week. 
My bike shop neighbor says this sort of sweetness is normal, but I explained to him no it is not. Most people I have met are selfish and self-centered and like to argue or manipulate and tease, etc. I'd like that kind of normal!

I'm probably going to meet him and he'll have halitosis or something.


----------



## moxy

I'm not enjoying the online dating thing today. I'm finding it stressful to extend the energy to meet new people. This is the first time since I signed up that I have felt a lack of enthusiasm for it. Funny. I miss Guy because we had a really nice date last weekend and it's been a few days since then without interacting and I'm craving his company (or maybe his...body). A midweek text would probably make me happy, but I'm afraid to initiate that. (I think he'll text me this weekend. I hope so, anyway.) i don't want to screw up something nice. So, instead, I'm restless. If I can get through two solid days of work, I might be able to relax; the next two days will be intense and I'm under the weather, so all I want to do is sleep or cuddle (eww, did I just say I wanted that?).


----------



## movealong

I just saved a bunch of pictures from virtual destruction. Including pictures of my daughter's 4th birthday. The hard drive in my old Dell All in One is crashing, but I was able to connect to my laptop and transfer all of the files before it crapped out! Yay me!


----------



## ne9907

Funny text from blue eyes a bit ago, he asked if I was in (x city, which is an hour away) because he thought he saw me.
I replied with no, I am in Jupiter.
He just lol ed.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> I'm not enjoying the online dating thing today. I'm finding it stressful to extend the energy to meet new people. This is the first time since I signed up that I have felt a lack of enthusiasm for it. Funny. I miss Guy because we had a really nice date last weekend and it's been a few days since then without interacting and I'm craving his company (or maybe his...body). A midweek text would probably make me happy, but I'm afraid to initiate that. (I think he'll text me this weekend. I hope so, anyway.) i don't want to screw up something nice. So, instead, I'm restless. If I can get through two solid days of work, I might be able to relax; the next two days will be intense and I'm under the weather, so all I want to do is sleep or cuddle (eww, did I just say I wanted that?).


He's younger...I wonder if him being younger he doesn't wait a little for you to indicate you want more here and there...so a text might not be bad.


----------



## moxy

Arendt said:


> He's younger...I wonder if him being younger he doesn't wait a little for you to indicate you want more here and there...so a text might not be bad.



Maybe. That's a nice thought. You may be onto something; recently, he had been a little upset because he thought I wasn't that interested. I was totally perplexed because I feel like I'm being too forthcoming with my attention, but it's not coming across that way. I had to initiate the talking to figure that out. Afterwards, things were really good. So maybe I'm not doing something I should be. I just...don't want to be Mrs Robinson (or the way she was as the film progressed). So, I'm afraid to initiate things. Maybe I'll text him tomorrow just to say hi. Even though I'm older, I don't feel like I'm leading, but perhaps I should, sometimes.

By the way, I'm excited for you about the many fun dates you have lined up! Sounds exciting. I'm sure your Persian Pianist will be a fun date. Persians are hot.


----------



## moxy

movealong said:


> I just saved a bunch of pictures from virtual destruction. Including pictures of my daughter's 4th birthday. The hard drive in my old Dell All in One is crashing, but I was able to connect to my laptop and transfer all of the files before it crapped out! Yay me!



Thank goodness you got them in time!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> I'm not enjoying the online dating thing today. I'm finding it stressful to extend the energy to meet new people. This is the first time since I signed up that I have felt a lack of enthusiasm for it. Funny. I miss Guy because we had a really nice date last weekend and it's been a few days since then without interacting and I'm craving his company (or maybe his...body). A midweek text would probably make me happy, but I'm afraid to initiate that. (I think he'll text me this weekend. I hope so, anyway.) i don't want to screw up something nice. So, instead, I'm restless. If I can get through two solid days of work, I might be able to relax; the next two days will be intense and I'm under the weather, so all I want to do is sleep or cuddle (eww, did I just say I wanted that?).


Awwww. If it makes you feel better I've been on a workathon, since I think, according to my log book, the evening of Friday July 26. I went out last Thursday to a ballroom social dance and only went out again today to run local errands and chat with bike guy who always has cool visitors. (Bike guy is very sweet, I like him but not attracted to him and he has a girlfriend and has a lot of guy friends who seem interested in me but I'm not interested in them...so far...not for any long term stuff.) 

In between working I've been packing for a camping trip, so now am working in a room that has all or most of my camping gear organized in storage boxes and nicely labeled. Logisitcs freak! However at the camping site I am not at all a control freak except about coffee in the morning which must happen at all costs and some alcohol at night same idea. 

I limited my dating criteria to 60 miles which for me means maybe 3 matches a week if that and nearly 0 statistically that even seem remotely attractive to me (not just looks.) 

I'm emailing back and forth with a guy in Scotland but I think that will end in heartbreak, he is close to Iceland but not sure we could ever end up in the same place geographically and after 3 years in school I'd rather have someone to do something with on a regular basis. I don't think he could get a work permit and I'm not interested in supporting anyone, or getting married, although when I was younger I would have done this for the right person, those days are over since I'd rather keep my finances separate and all to myself unless outright gifting.

Still, if things with local guy don't work out or even if they are, I'm planning a trip to Iceland in November, and Scotland is interested in meeting me there. I don't think it would go well though as he wants to do tourist things and for me I just want to have the couch at my friend's place and be a bum in Rekjavik for a week doing the writing and relaxing, go with the flow thing and hang out with my friend, chicks only the rest of the time. Maybe meet some researchers there this time, I passed on it last time around as my paper wasn't submitted yet.

Anyhow, bottom line to all this, I think maybe spending time alone makes a person more appreciative of company. Like hunger makes people more appreciative of basic food like rice and beans or soup and bread or oatmeal. There is quality to be had in the seemingly banal. It's all relative to perspective. If going on first date or nearly new dates frequently, it's easy to get caught up in amusement park mentality and forget about the underpinnings of life where there is contentment and peace, where you can trust the people around you to have your back and be stable and friendly. Absence of 'stuff' is sometimes more substantial than a lot of window dressing.

All that said, I would like to remark that I love being on a database listserver, I can see all the horrible questions people post late in the evening asking about some arcane field that they have to use for reporting, and how stressed and confused and desperate they are....and I think, how lovely to be in research programming vs. production reporting. :rofl:
Although, I have got some good help before from others.

I was mean yesterday, drive was out of space and another contractor got his jobs deleted because he/she didn't respond to emails to tidy up. Probably set him/her back a few days on schedule but not my problem - don't write to the common space...use your own allocation on another server.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> Maybe. That's a nice thought. You may be onto something; recently, he had been a little upset because he thought I wasn't that interested. I was totally perplexed because I feel like I'm being too forthcoming with my attention, but it's not coming across that way. I had to initiate the talking to figure that out. Afterwards, things were really good. So maybe I'm not doing something I should be. I just...don't want to be Mrs Robinson (or the way she was as the film progressed). So, I'm afraid to initiate things. Maybe I'll text him tomorrow just to say hi. Even though I'm older, I don't feel like I'm leading, but perhaps I should, sometimes.
> 
> By the way, I'm excited for you about the many fun dates you have lined up! Sounds exciting. I'm sure your Persian Pianist will be a fun date. Persians are hot.


I think you should. I suspect he is probably even a little intimidated by you. You have a PhD and are a professor. He's a student somewhere else and even though he's seeing you...he may still be a little unsure of himself here. I would be. You might just need to talk about it if you haven't too.

Thanks for the excitement. The Persian...she grew up in Iran and then Milan Italy and went to the Conservatory there for art and music. I think she puts down Persian because to say Iranian woudl bring on the ire of some people...but she's a radical lefty like any good Iranian/Italian should be. She's now getting a PhD.

I still like this Guatemalan though...she's in my head. Have to restrain from texting her. Don't want to kill mystery or anything.


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Haha. Bad influence. I come on here and read all about everyone's pursuits and I'm exhausted. It's a good deterrent.
> 
> Anyhow, I got matched to someone who seems compatible on EH who lives only 1/2 hour away, same age, family oriented and works from home 3/5 days Sometimes he travels for work, and his kids are approximately the same ages as my two eldest. Not too much taller than me. Same kinds of interests. And he's asked questions that a sane reasonable person would ask, right up front, when looking for a long term thing. Vs. all the compliments and stuff I usually get from the freaks and weirdos who just want to have me around for entertainment value. (I live an INTERESTING life, but I am generally a BORING person on a day to day basis, I'm one of those people who is a contradictory anomaly. ) Anyhow, it's nice to be treated as though I am a typical boring person who just does the typical normal stuff that a normal person does, most days.
> 
> He takes his grandmother to dinner every other week.
> My bike shop neighbor says this sort of sweetness is normal, but I explained to him no it is not. Most people I have met are selfish and self-centered and like to argue or manipulate and tease, etc. I'd like that kind of normal!
> 
> I'm probably going to meet him and he'll have halitosis or something.


I was worried about the bad influance crack. You guys realize that was a joke right ? Hope this isn.t in huge letters,it's on my ph and the writings gone really tall. Hate posting from my phone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> I think you should.
> I suspect he is probably even a little intimidated by you. You have a PhD and are a professor. He's a student somewhere else and even though he's seeing you...he may still be a little unsure of himself here. I would be. You might just need to talk about it if you haven't too.
> 
> Thanks for the excitement. The Persian...she grew up in Iran and then Milan Italy and went to the Conservatory there for art and music. I think she puts down Persian because to say Iranian woudl bring on the ire of some people...but she's a radical lefty like any good Iranian/Italian should be. She's now getting a PhD.
> 
> I still like this Guatemalan though...she's in my head. Have to restrain from texting her. Don't want to kill mystery or anything.


Beach girls in my head so l.m not even bothering with anyone else. I mean who knows but thats how it is right now so l wanna spend some time with her and see what happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, would be interesting to date a PhD for me, since I come from a non-educated background without even a simple bachelor. Regardless both my parents are well educated and one is a PhD which made immigration to Australia very easy due to skill shortage. Me? Meh, don't need paperwork to make money!

I wonder what it would be like really, would she think I'm her 'lesser' / and stupid?


----------



## BaxJanson

Two weeks ago,I had a friend tell me that she likes me, and thinks I'm awesome. Yay! Granted, she lives in England, so there's not much coming from it.

Today, she tells me that she doesn't appreciate me flaunting me going on dates on my FB, and that if I don't start being more considerate, she'll have to stop following me.

My 'date' was a pal and I (exact words) going to see Guardians on my birthday. A male pal. Even if it wasn't...

Next.


----------



## RandomDude

^ :rofl:

...the fk?


----------



## whitehawk

l second that motion


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Heh, would be interesting to date a PhD for me, since I come from a non-educated background without even a simple bachelor.
> ...
> I wonder what it would be like really, would she think I'm her 'lesser' / and stupid?


Not everyone with a grad degree is a snob. 



BaxJanson said:


> Two weeks ago,I had a friend tell me that she likes me
> 
> Today, she tells me that she doesn't appreciate me flaunting me going on dates on my FB,
> 
> going to see Guardians on my birthday. A male pal. Even if it wasn't...
> 
> Next.


Your friend is all about that DRA-MA!

"Next" is a good idea!



RandomDude said:


> ^ :rofl:
> 
> ...the fk?


Aptly phrased! Totally that.


----------



## moxy

What do you guys think of this wacky assessment of body language: Men’s Body Language, Decoded: What’s He Really Telling You? | JOSEY MILLER ?

I found it amusing, but I don't put much stock into it when these descriptions are not even bothering to take context into real account.

The comments at the bottom were hilarious, though. Why is it that being lovestruck makes people turn suddenly to the oracular direction for guidance? "Oh, his eyelash fell on my left thumbnail, does that mean it's a secretly orchestrated declaration of undying commitment because that constellation above my head was aligned just so when it happened!?" (OK. I'm in a weird mood.)


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Not everyone with a grad degree is a snob.


Heh perhaps not, but I do recall dating someone earlier this year who I hid my business/finances from - so in the end she had nothing to judge me by but my apparent lack of career and education lol

Needless to say, she decided I wasn't "established" enough for her :rofl: I say - go rob another meal ticket b-tch! Heh gotta love dodging bullets like that! Hence I do wonder if it would be worse the more educated I date!



moxy said:


> What do you guys think of this wacky assessment of body language: Menâ€™s Body Language, Decoded: Whatâ€™s He Really Telling You? | JOSEY MILLER ?


=/

Error, page not found


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Heh, would be interesting to date a PhD for me, since I come from a non-educated background without even a simple bachelor. Regardless both my parents are well educated and one is a PhD which made immigration to Australia very easy due to skill shortage. Me? Meh, don't need paperwork to make money!
> 
> I wonder what it would be like really, would she think I'm her 'lesser' / and stupid?


But if your parents are well educated then that's your background to , makes a lot of difference.
My dad was genius IQ , my mum was average and my 6 sisters between them had every degree, doctorate and all those other goodies ever invented.
l was around stuff 24/7 my mates couldn't even imagine. l hated it at home truly , the stuff l had to listen too :sleeping:
Although dad as smart as he was , also had this classic sense of humor so that use to lighten things up a lot . But if someone got him going on something heavy though , just leave home for 3 days :rofl:

ps , l had to laugh when Homemaker said something like her kids would run rings around me bc ha , if only she knew . Nahh l'm not having a go at you HM , l just didn't bother.
But guess what , they've been suspecting , hell everyone has , for yrs , since she was 6mths old actually , that my daughter has my dads lQ , around 170 to 180.
They don't know what to do with her at school , she has no interest. Even if they ramp it up by 4 or 5 yrs , it bores her , quite funny really. She has no interest in higher levels , she wants to be an artist . And she's damn good too.
So believe me , l know some tricks haha. Luckily she's also a beautiful nature so although she can out smart just about anyone without even opening her eyes so to speak , unless it's somebody giving her [email protected] she's mostly just a very easy going happy girl .


----------



## RandomDude

I had always thought/believed that the intelligence-inheritance is a myth, as flattering as though it maybe. Personally though I always thought it as my parents trying to steal credit from my own bloody accomplishments 

"He's successful because he inherited our smarts" kinda thing

But tis just me, besides I don't see how education = intelligence, both my parents can be stupid! I dunno though, I didn't spend much time with them as a child


----------



## whitehawk

Check this out .
We find out when she was 7 , she'd been reading all mums novels and medical books for yrs, under her cover after we'd put her to bed with this led torch we bought her.
The thing was , she finish them so quickly and sneak them back into our bed room before we even notice. One or 2 nights for a 2inch thick novel or to skim some medical stuff that takes my ex 12 mths to study . Pretty funny really.
She read all the kids books too though , loved them.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Error, page not found


http://joseymiller.wordpress.com/wr...anguage-decoded-what’s-he-really-telling-you/


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> I had always thought/believed that the intelligence-inheritance is a myth, as flattering as though it maybe. Personally though I always thought it as my parents trying to steal credit from my own bloody accomplishments
> 
> "He's successful because he inherited our smarts" kinda thing
> 
> But tis just me, besides I don't see how education = intelligence, both my parents can be stupid! I dunno though, I didn't spend much time with them as a child


Nah your spot on. Genuine intelligence has nothing to do with education. My father only bothered with yr 10 , it bored him to tears . Yet he use to advise billionaires all the time , vets , some of his professor mates , they all came to him.
They learnt a lot from him to though about life . Because he made oodles of money , advised all sorts of people, yet he was always up for fun or partying . 
They were never use to fun . lt was always funny watching dad tie these big wigs in knots and get them drunk .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Check this out .
> We find out when she was 7 , she'd been reading all mums novels and medical books for yrs, under her cover after we'd put her to bed with this led torch we bought her.
> The thing was , she finish them so quickly and sneak them back into our bed room before we even notice. One or 2 nights for a 2inch thick novel or to skim some medical stuff that takes my ex 12 mths to study . Pretty funny really.
> She read all the kids books too though , loved them.


Guess she should enroll in university rather than primary school! lol



moxy said:


> http://joseymiller.wordpress.com/wr...anguage-decoded-what’s-he-really-telling-you/


- Lip Smacker: He Licks His Lips
Meh, I do it when my lips are too dry too, so don't read too much into it.

- Suddenly You See: He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes
Yes, that is accurate in my case

- Mover, Shaker: He Sways While He Speaks
Nervousness yes

- Rise and Shine: He Lifts His Eyebrows
??? 
Well if I have the above expression it means "WTF"
But if I have the O.O it means I'm more surprised

- Can’t Sit Still: He Fidgets in His Chair
Also may mean I'm bored

- Animated Moves: He Talks with His Hands
Errrr, I talk with my hands all the time, to both men and women

- Comb On Now: He Runs His Fingers through His Hair
Accurate in my case yes

- Spread ‘Em: He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed
- Cheeky! He Strokes His Face
:scratchhead:

- Palm Sunday: He Reaches Out His Hand 
In my case it means "take my hand princess"










- Getting Ahead: He Kisses You… On Your Forehead
Yes in my case it means I've FZed you


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah they tried that yrs ago , she's just not interested . Shes happy to just go through normal school messing around with her friends and just tick all the boxes in exams. You can lead a horse to water and all that stuff you know .
l always say to her look don't worry , your only 13 , life is important to. 
lt's funny dealing with her though. You better pray everything you say makes sense as a parent - if it does , you know just typical disciplinary things , she's as cool as with it . She knows she's still akid and has to do stuff.
But if you try to get smart with her , she'll just literally dismantle it in one second flat and if it keeps going after that she'll just pull out the big guns are literally tear it to bits . lt's bloody funny. 
They use the same strategy at school with her bc they have to really watch what they come out with around her or she'll tear them down in front of the whole class .
We always tell them look , just be genuine , don't try to out smart her or she'll tear you to bits and she's as cool as a cucumber . She still runs rings round them though but in a nice harmless way. They don't even know she's running rings around them it's actually really funny sometimes .


----------



## RandomDude

Heh she seems well balanced in terms of her EQ as well then.

Personally I don't know if I could consider my own daughter a genius as of yet, though she is quite bright for her age. Still I don't know if the whole thing is hereditary, would be nice if it was, but meh. My IQ isn't much anyways at 129 or something (I was like 16 trying to get into the army to get myself off the streets), unlike my parents - who I reckon score higher but fk if I know lol

Unless of course it skips a generation like in your case! Then I'm in deep sh-t when she comes of age! lol


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Heh she seems well balanced in terms of her EQ as well then.
> 
> Personally I don't know if I could consider my own daughter a genius as of yet, though she is quite bright for her age. Still I don't know if the whole thing is hereditary, would be nice if it was, but meh. My IQ isn't much anyways at 129 or something (I was like 16 trying to get into the army to get myself off the streets), unlike my parents - who I reckon score higher but fk if I know lol
> 
> Unless of course it skips a generation like in your case! Then I'm in deep sh-t when she comes of age! lol



You would know believe me. Everyone knew with my d at about 18mths but we knew much earlier bc obviously being around her all the time we saw a lot of very weird stuff.
Even uncles and auties visiting to meet her when she first came home were spooked , they'd always say stuff .
My dad knew as soon as he spent time with her . My sisters went really cranky for a few yrs earlier bc dad went to our daughter and not their kids . - Whole nother story.

We never say anything to anyone so that to anyone that just meets her she's just a normal girl, it's very important to her. And every time they come to us later and say gee , C is such a cool kid and then it follows every time with the same thing , and she's very bright to you know - " oh really" , nah we didn't know that !


----------



## RandomDude

Ha! Then I'm safe, as my daughter is bright and a smartass but I don't think she has the cognitive ability of one 5 years her senior heh

Maybe my ex brought down her IQ points a bit lower? lol nah ex was quite smart, I just always like to call her stupid (which she was at times)

Anyways I don't believe too much in IQ, I actually found it rather amusing how I managed to score that high in army tests, they even proposed me going to Duntroon in Australia for officer training rather than general entry in Wagga despite lack of high school. Regardless I don't reckon I'm that clever, alot of my success was due to self-education in my industry once I took over the business.

Doubt I would need to do that if I was that bright! I would be inventing the industry! lol


----------



## whitehawk

Oh [email protected] no , there's plenty of over educated people waiting tables.
Think l read somewhere that Russian chess player was 210 or 20 , Jesus 
One funny one, she designed her first business when she was 10 and wanted me to back her and it was big.
But nah , plenty of time for that later on, why ruin your childhood we only have one , just bc your smart.

Anyway , sounds like your doing ok so who cares about any of that [email protected] eh.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, 10 yr old entrepreneur! I would encourage her at 16 onwards though, it would allow her to flex those muscles abit and allow her to build up her skillsets to achieve financial security before she hits 30 like me! But of course since she's a genius she'll probably do it in 1 yr unlike several yrs in my case so scratch that...

I recommend 16 as I had my own little "business" running over three neighbourhoods even though due to my background at that time it was anything but legit lol - but despite that it did give me a headstart into management and entrepreneurship once the opportunity and necessity presented itself during marriage and fatherhood in my early 20s.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Beach girls in my head so l.m not even bothering with anyone else.


Which one is she again? The one from long ago? Or someone recent from offline?

Ask her out. Have you?



BaxJanson said:


> Today, she tells me that she doesn't appreciate me flaunting me going on dates on my FB, and that if I don't start being more considerate, she'll have to stop following me..


I would have probably unfollowed her after that. What a diva. Oh and Guardians was great!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Heh, 10 yr old entrepreneur! I would encourage her at 16 onwards though, it would allow her to flex those muscles abit and allow her to build up her skillsets to achieve financial security before she hits 30 like me! But of course since she's a genius she'll probably do it in 1 yr unlike several yrs in my case so scratch that...
> 
> I recommend 16 as I had my own little "business" running over three neighbourhoods even though due to my background at that time it was anything but legit lol - but despite that it did give me a headstart into management and entrepreneurship once the opportunity and necessity presented itself during marriage and fatherhood in my early 20s.



Oh in all fairness , they aren't sure bc she won't let them see full flight. But they think around 155-60 and suspect she's holding back at that :rofl:.
Yeah exactly what we thought RD. Like she's pushing more now , 13. We reckon another yr or 2,3, up to her, if she still wants to a bit later we'll help her set it up.
She still loves business but she's also gone back to art just lately.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Catching up - ditto on the Diva. buh bye.

As to intelligence, I think there are three types; a) innate intelligence where a person just soaks up all types of knowledge and can quickly evaluate information; 2) learned intelligence where a person makes a concerted effort to study hard and typically has a lot of learned knowledge but maybe less ability to apply to a wide variety of situations, often called 'book smart', and; 3) worldly intelligence where a person gains tons of situational knowledge from the world but only as they need it and what they need it for and they tend to read people very well - this is often called 'street smarts'.

I'm a little of all 3 - a little natural, a little learned and some environmental knowledge. My kiddo is heavy on the first and third - not as much of the studious kind which really frustrates me because she just doesn't try and she can argue quite effectively that she doesn't NEED to know certain things in school and even when I point out that a subject teaches skills like problem solving, creating synapses in the brain, or that history teaches about society and the errors of the past and how to avoid them in the future, etc. she always has a response. Quick with replies but quick to judge, which is the one thing I am really working on because often a quick determination can be false without proper information gathering.

So my point is (yeah, took me a while) I don't think it matters if someone is a PhD and dating someone without any higher education if they can match wits using another form of intelligence. I'd take the worldly variety any day and that's usually a big factor for entrepreneurs and something I really don't have much of.


----------



## Jellybeans

I have a cousin who is completely booksmart, to the point of insanity, and yet has ZERO common sense/street smarts. I feel sorry for her. LOL

I am a big fan of education. Love it. That's because I love learning, reading, growing my brain's knowledge. I love higher education and am huge advocate for it. With that said, not everyone is into that and that is fine. And some are smart as hell, too. Steve Jobs was a college drop-out and went on to create an empire, changing the face of technology forever. It's all in the person, their life experiences, what they do with it, etc.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Which one is she again? The one from long ago? Or someone recent from offline?
> 
> Ask her out. Have you?
> 
> 
> She's the one on the beach with the dog , my daughter and l keep bumping into. One of my d's best friends mum , so it's a bit tricky.
> You bet, gonna see if l can sneak out alone on Sunday and catch up with her hopefully , get something happening from there :scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh, right. 

Hmm... I say ask her out. What have you got to lose. Just have coffee with her.

Next time you are walking your dogs and you see her, just tell her "Want to grab a coffee sometime?"


----------



## Satya

On the subject of smarts, I had a coffee date with a slightly younger man recently. He had a little daughter that he'd raised pretty much from birth. Mother not in the picture, she had some issues which he was pretty forthcoming about.

I was very impressed with his initiative to finish his education, and he was a very bright man, but his lifestyle sounded like it would be so involved that there would be zero time to nuture a relationship, let alone have any future children. I've been on my own for so long, even felt alone when I was married, that realistically my needs right now are a bit too selfish to accept this kind of situation. It seems like a cold way of looking at it, but it is what it is. I'm still glad I had the date, it was very enjoyable and it's always good to step on to that skinny branch.

Forward....


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Oh in all fairness , they aren't sure bc she won't let them see full flight. But they think around 155-60 and suspect she's holding back at that :rofl:.
> Yeah exactly what we thought RD. Like she's pushing more now , 13. We reckon another yr or 2,3, up to her, if she still wants to a bit later we'll help her set it up.
> She still loves business but she's also gone back to art just lately.


Ah! The fickleness of youth, warning though, the tough part I found in entrepreneurship however wasn't always reliant on intellectual ability, but the ability to perservere through the many, many tough times. But I dunno, I'm no genius, maybe your daughter will become a millionaire at will!

If I didn't have my daughter to motivate me heh... to tell you the truth there were some times that I comtemplated suicide due to the repeated burnouts day by day in addition to my ex whining and having to keep her happy too. Those days were hell looking back.



EnjoliWoman said:


> Catching up - ditto on the Diva. buh bye.
> 
> As to intelligence, I think there are three types; a) innate intelligence where a person just soaks up all types of knowledge and can quickly evaluate information; 2) learned intelligence where a person makes a concerted effort to study hard and typically has a lot of learned knowledge but maybe less ability to apply to a wide variety of situations, often called 'book smart', and; 3) worldly intelligence where a person gains tons of situational knowledge from the world but only as they need it and what they need it for and they tend to read people very well - this is often called 'street smarts'.
> 
> I'm a little of all 3 - a little natural, a little learned and some environmental knowledge. My kiddo is heavy on the first and third - not as much of the studious kind which really frustrates me because she just doesn't try and she can argue quite effectively that she doesn't NEED to know certain things in school and even when I point out that a subject teaches skills like problem solving, creating synapses in the brain, or that history teaches about society and the errors of the past and how to avoid them in the future, etc. she always has a response. Quick with replies but quick to judge, which is the one thing I am really working on because often a quick determination can be false without proper information gathering.
> 
> So my point is (yeah, took me a while) I don't think it matters if someone is a PhD and dating someone without any higher education if they can match wits using another form of intelligence. I'd take the worldly variety any day and that's usually a big factor for entrepreneurs and something I really don't have much of.


Hmmm, I'd like to think I'm more balanced, but most likely I'm on a "V" pattern when it comes to 1, 2 and 3 generally. I had to compensate with self-study part time to effectively take over the role as owner and director, especially in terms of business law, concurrent trends in the industry, etc etc

Always found law interesting however, I spent a few nights in the past reading court cases as if they were novels I was addicted to (also annoying ex as she didn't want me to have 'me time' -.- ). If I had lived another life, where I was to have finished high school and entered uni, maybe I could have been a lawyer! 

But regardless that will never happen with my criminal record sp meh, it's still interesting to study at times, along with history which is a hobby. Ironic though really, I only started getting caught, charged and arrested AFTER I turned legit. And the charges were for petty crimes such as assault/bodily harm.

Anyways who cares right? Law is interesting, maybe being a lawyer isn't? I never lived that life (and never will  ) so bah!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I have a cousin who is completely booksmart, to the point of insanity, and yet has ZERO common sense/street smarts. I feel sorry for her. LOL
> 
> I am a big fan of education. Love it. That's because I love learning, reading, growing my brain's knowledge. I love higher education and am huge advocate for it. With that said, not everyone is into that and that is fine. And some are smart as hell, too. Steve Jobs was a college drop-out and went on to create an empire, changing the face of technology forever. It's all in the person, their life experiences, what they do with it, etc.


That's actually what I found with alot of these interns and students, they believe their booksmarts mean they know it all. Now sure I support education, but I find their overconfidence abit disconcerting at times...

So hey, back on the original post; it would be interesting for me to date a PhD! If we can get over talking over each other with neither of us understanding each other's POV or intelligence, then we would balance each other out!!! 

Book brains VS Raw brains... FIGHT!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, right.
> 
> Hmm... I say ask her out. What have you got to lose. Just have coffee with her.
> 
> Next time you are walking your dogs and you see her, just tell her "Want to grab a coffee sometime?"


Well that's the tricky part you probably didn't see a wk or two back. My d's been with me every time so far you see and she's smelt a rat with us minute one and isn't crazy about us getting any closer.

So l've had to be careful you see as l don't want her to worry. She's still getting over the split .


----------



## Jellybeans

No, I did see your post. I also asked you why she felt that way about her? If it was just a protective thing for her dad or if she just genuinely sucks as a person (beach girl)? 

If she is still getting over the split/adjusting, I can see why she is concerned/worried. Girls and their dads.  I have a close relationship with mine and do feel protective of him.


----------



## Jellybeans

Satya said:


> I've been on my own for so long, even felt alone when I was married, that realistically my needs right now are a bit too selfish to accept this kind of situation. It seems like a cold way of looking at it, but it is what it is. I'm still glad I had the date, it was very enjoyable


Just means you are good about sussing out what will work for you/what won't and no hanging in if it's not for you.

And you're right - it is always nice to meet new people and expand the social circle, so it's not a loss at all.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> Just means you are good about sussing out what will work for you/what won't and no hanging in if it's not for you.
> 
> And you're right - it is always nice to meet new people and expand the social circle, so it's not a loss at all.


:iagree: It's better to know yourself like that and what you are willing to accept or not. Everyone's needs are different! Personally that would be fine with me because I can keep pretty busy all by myself so having someone squeeze in a little time here and there doesn't leave me feeling neglected. In my case I was smothered while married and now I'm really used to having free time and find it problematic when someone wants to see me several times a week.


----------



## Jellybeans

Enjo, whatever happened to your friend, the anti-kisser who was dating/vacationing with someone FB?


----------



## Satya

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



EnjoliWoman said:


> :iagree: It's better to know yourself like that and what you are willing to accept or not. Everyone's needs are different! Personally that would be fine with me because I can keep pretty busy all by myself so having someone squeeze in a little time here and there doesn't leave me feeling neglected. In my case I was smothered while married and now I'm really used to having free time and find it problematic when someone wants to see me several times a week.


I can understand that feeling. I could be alone forever and I know I'll be fine, in fact, I'd have a hell of a good time. 

The initiative though is for me to try my best to find an emotionally available man. Not because I'm incomplete without, but I know it's what I want right now. Might be tricky but I know he's out there, I just have to keep going and be realistic that he might not surface in my lifetime. Past a certain age marker, I have a solid plan B in place for my future.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Ah! The fickleness of youth, warning though, the tough part I found in entrepreneurship however wasn't always reliant on intellectual ability, but the ability to perservere through the many, many tough times. But I dunno, I'm no genius, maybe your daughter will become a millionaire at will!
> 
> If I didn't have my daughter to motivate me heh... to tell you the truth there were some times that I comtemplated suicide due to the repeated burnouts day by day in addition to my ex whining and having to keep her happy too. Those days were hell looking back.
> 
> 
> Yeah right . A lot of parents turn these types of kids lives into hell, they don't even get a childhood and it's just sad, we're not doing anything like that. Good thing is to she's known all that stuff for yrs that's why she controls her school sitch bc she just doesn't want that.
> But if she does do something anytime soon l don't think it would effect her to the point of any stress much tbh. She's like my dad , she just doesn't worry .
> But we sure wouldn't want to see it at this age either if it did get heavy to her , so that's another reason we're stringing it out .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> ps , l had to laugh when Homemaker said something like her kids would run rings around me bc ha , if only she knew . Nahh l'm not having a go at you HM , l just didn't bother.


I wasn't referring to IQ at all. Just the way your daughter was acting about your interest in women. So that went way over your head? There wasn't anything about IQ or smarts in that post. :scratchhead: Maybe you meant it in yours though? But it just seemed like a general comment about how kids behave re parents and dating.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> No, I did see your post. I also asked you why she felt that way about her? If it was just a protective thing for her dad or if she just genuinely sucks as a person (beach girl)?
> 
> If she is still getting over the split/adjusting, I can see why she is concerned/worried. Girls and their dads.  I have a close relationship with mine and do feel protective of him.


Do ya , ah yeah nice.

But it's a whole combo of things you see. Protectiveness of our time together, she's one of her best friends mum. That's a real biggie bc my d never see's just the now she see's the whole picture in a flash you see.
And what she'll see here is me maybe living with her best friend and her mum later on so you could just imagine what she'd think about that one.
Apart from that no she likes her very much, they get along really nicely . But there's no way she wants us hooking up.

ps , she wouldn't even know accept she happened to be with me every time . l don't have any women around her yet .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Ahhhh, smarts and education.
I'm a high school drop out and didn't go to school for long periods of time from junior high through when I left. 
The military paid me to get a BS and technical education, if I didn't go to uni classes I would have been AWOL so that's how I finished - only because I was paid and mandated under my agreement. Then a boss advised me to get a graduate degree from an Ivy so that I could hang a shingle. Now the education from the Ivy was good but only added knowledge, not skill. But I've been hanging a shingle successfully since 1999 so it was good advise. However, contracting requires street smarts and intuition. It's not for those who like to color within the lines and need the legitimacy of a title/recognition/status or the promise of a steady paycheck.

My kids go to school because it's public and a free service. If they are bored I advise them to advocate for more work, which on occasion they have done. There is more that can be learned from going to school than just academics. I may give them each a semester break for home studies so they can learn focus but it's still through a state school online, public and free and with rules and requirements. That is life! Even if you have smarts they mean nothing unless you can work in a group of people with mixed intelligences and talents and personalities. Otherwise it is a big clusterf*ck and bad things happen. It's just as useful to know how to keep a colleague/team partner off of drugs and alcohol and making a mess of their life, as it is to know how to actually do your job.


----------



## Another Planet

BaxJanson said:


> Two weeks ago,I had a friend tell me that she likes me, and thinks I'm awesome. Yay! Granted, she lives in England, so there's not much coming from it.
> 
> Today, she tells me that she doesn't appreciate me flaunting me going on dates on my FB, and that if I don't start being more considerate, she'll have to stop following me.
> 
> My 'date' was a pal and I (exact words) going to see Guardians on my birthday. A male pal. Even if it wasn't...
> 
> Next.


Hopefully jokingly? If so I would have to take that as a pretty heavy sign she is interested for sure.


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I wasn't referring to IQ at all. Just the way your daughter was acting about your interest in women. So that went way over your head? There wasn't anything about IQ or smarts in that post. :scratchhead: Maybe you meant it in yours though? But it just seemed like a general comment about how kids behave re parents and dating.



Hm , that was kidding around , l knew what you meant. l tried to word it right but I didn't mean anything by it ok and no ones interested in a smarts comp least of all me . 
l only meant it in a humorist sense .


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Hopefully jokingly? If so I would have to take that as a pretty heavy sign she is interested for sure.


And possibly a little bit crazy/stalkerish/controlling.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> And possibly a little bit crazy/stalkerish/controlling.


Ehh as long as you have your boundaries and you enforce them properly. She likes him maybe that is the only way she can show him and it potentially blossoms into more. 
But hey I am in to a little crazy so as long as my dog doesn't disappear or my cat gets boiled it's cool


----------



## ne9907

BaxJanson said:


> Two weeks ago,I had a friend tell me that she likes me, and thinks I'm awesome. Yay! Granted, she lives in England, so there's not much coming from it.
> 
> Today, she tells me that she doesn't appreciate me flaunting me going on dates on my FB, and that if I don't start being more considerate, she'll have to stop following me.
> 
> My 'date' was a pal and I (exact words) going to see Guardians on my birthday. A male pal. Even if it wasn't...
> 
> Next.


Is there any possibility that she was joking? 
If not, stay away from her, it sounds overly crazy.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> What do you guys think of this wacky assessment of body language: Menâ€™s Body Language, Decoded: Whatâ€™s He Really Telling You? | JOSEY MILLER ?


If I lick my lips it is because they are dry or have something on them. Not because I see women as dead carcasses to eat. Although I am quite certain there are many guys who will lick their lips because they do see women that way (think of all the food labels men use for women...food meaning dead animals here). Have you ever read the _Sexual Politics of Meat_ by Carol J. Adams. And some guys smack their lips because they simply have bad manners. They grew up in a sewer, as Weird Al so poetically put it recently.

Hair out of eyes: yeah that is an intimate action. Not necessarily at all about sex but about looking at a persons. In fact, I used to do that with my ex, when we were separated I did it once and she bit my head off. It was a rejection of intimacy. Total ice.

If a guy sways back and forth when he speaks, he might be Rain Man. 

Eyebrow raising...Hell I don't know. Happens when I'm interested or surprised sure. If one goes down and the other goes up: skeptic I guess. I don't do that but I think it would be funny.

Can't sit still: possible coke addict; possible coffee junkie; possible hyperactive person. Usually means I am uncomfortable in some way. Could mean I am simply bored. I used to do that when speaking in front of people at conferences, like on a panel where we are all sitting. Not any more really. I don't get nervous in front of groups any more.

Running fingers through hair: he should get dreads and cut that out.

Sits with legs splayed: bad manners. Potential machismo who thinks legs crossed means he's gay. I agree with the article. On the other hand, it depends on the context and the other body display. 

I don't have any idea what she's talking about with the palms up or palms down comment. Must be a West Coast thing...never seen a guy do that...and what happens if he is unsure...does he turn it down then up then down again like a spasm? 

Forehead kiss: yeah it can be a tender thing. Can also mean I don't want to kiss you on the mouth cause I might catch something.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Forehead kiss: yeah it can be a tender thing. Can also mean I don't want to kiss you on the mouth cause I might catch something.


Some women (me included) put a lot of emphasis on that particular kiss. I used to believe it was a sign of the deepest form of love. Three men have kissed me on the forehead, ex boyfriend, ex husband, and blue eyes. 
Ex boyfriend ghosted me, ex husband was an ass, and blue eyes is just not.

Perhaps they just like to kiss my forehead because the I am too short!!!


----------



## Arendt

Too much effort to stoop down . Nah I think you are right. I used to do that. I would not do that to just anybody. But, during separation the ex would only let me kiss her there...so now it is not a sign of intimacy for me but one of rejection. I'll get over it, but that is what it became.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Some women (me included) put a lot of emphasis on that particular kiss. I used to believe it was a sign of the deepest form of love. Three men have kissed me on the forehead, ex boyfriend, ex husband, and blue eyes.
> Ex boyfriend ghosted me, ex husband was an ass, and blue eyes is just not.
> 
> Perhaps they just like to kiss my forehead because the I am too short!!!


I don't think there is a part on my GF's body I haven't kissed lol


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Too much effort to stoop down . Nah I think you are right. I used to do that. I would not do that to just anybody. But, during separation the ex would only let me kiss her there...so now it is not a sign of intimacy for me but one of rejection. I'll get over it, but that is what it became.


I wish you all a hasty return to love, I have forgotten what all those bad feelings of rejection and turmoil feel like...


----------



## Arendt

Yeah but when you are standing in line or parting ways you don't stoop down and kiss her in the....that would be...a funny story but slap worthy.  As Moxy says...context!


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Yeah but when you are standing in line or parting ways you don't stoop down and *kiss her in the*....that would be...a funny story but slap worthy.  As Moxy says...context!


Her nether eye...


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I wish you all a hasty return to love, I have forgotten what all those bad feelings of rejection and turmoil feel like...


But they are great feelings!! The feeling of unrequited love..... ahhhh.... more heartache please!


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> But they are great feelings!! The feeling of unrequited love..... ahhhh.... more heartache please!


AS my favorite childhood cartoon character, wren, would say, "I'm luv being angry."


----------



## whitehawk

l use to kiss my ex like that all the time and it was meant in the deepest sense.

But if it's someone new and l feel it's a bit tricky getting outa there a quick forehead kiss is usually my door


----------



## Arendt

Yeah so it can mean different things. The article is too simple...language is contextual.

If a man kisses a woman on the forehead in bed before sex it is probably not a good sign...that is not the time for a forehead kiss. Standing in line waiting for a movie...yeah...that is the time.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Yeah so it can mean different things. The article is too simple...language is contextual.
> 
> If a man kisses a woman on the forehead in bed before sex it is probably not a good sign...that is not the time for a forehead kiss. Standing in line waiting for a movie...yeah...that is the time.


Before leaving?
After sex?


----------



## Arendt

unsure78 said:


> I do like a hi or good morning text, for me its a way to gauge a guys interest. ..seems to be the norm since ive been dating as well
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Took your advice and sent a short good morning note earlier (and in Spanish)...she did like that...


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He takes his grandmother to dinner every other week.
> My bike shop neighbor says this sort of sweetness is normal, but I explained to him no it is not. Most people I have met are selfish and self-centered and like to argue or manipulate and tease, etc. I'd like that kind of normal!


I was beginning to think this kind of man didn't exist, outside of my family (most of the men in my family are incredibly sweet), because most of my dating experience has been exactly what you mention above.

But hot fireman... he's incredibly sweet. On our second date, we were taking a walk, and as we were doing so, he absentmindedly kicked a piece of broken glass from the sidewalk into the glass. We hadn't made it another two steps before he stops, turns around, fetches the broken glass, and deposits it in a trash can halfway down the block. He comes back and says, "I would hate to see some kid cut themselves on that glass." And we keep walking like it was nothing.

Then again, this is a man who will go into a burning building to save someone's dog...


----------



## BaxJanson

Yeah, I called her out, and she responded that my disregarding her feelings (and posting what I want) was seeking to 'deny her autonomy in choosing to read without putting herself at risk of emotional torture.'

Shudder. Twitch. Block. Next.

Are y'all SURE there are non-crazy females out there?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Heh perhaps not, but I do recall dating someone earlier this year who I hid my business/finances from - so in the end she had nothing to judge me by but my apparent lack of career and education lol
> 
> Needless to say, she decided I wasn't "established" enough for her :rofl: I say - go rob another meal ticket b-tch! Heh gotta love dodging bullets like that! Hence I do wonder if it would be worse the more educated I date!


RD, I've got to echo what some other people say here... not everyone who's educated is a snob. But I would be bothered by an apparent "lack of career" simply because I wouldn't want to end up supporting some lazy man. I want someone who has a good work ethic and goals, who is fiscally responsible and can take care of himself. That's not being a snob... that's wanting a mature adult who can be a real partner.


----------



## ne9907

BaxJanson said:


> Yeah, I called her out, and she responded that my disregarding her feelings (and posting what I want) was seeking to *'deny her autonomy in choosing to read without putting herself at risk of emotional torture*.'
> 
> Shudder. Twitch. Block. Next.
> 
> Are y'all SURE there are non-crazy females out there?


haha
I must take crazy lessons from this woman.... She is good!!
May I be her FB friend??

In all seriousness, did you at any point have sex with her? Fatal attraction....


----------



## movealong

BaxJanson said:


> Are y'all SURE there are non-crazy females out there?


They are as rare as unicorns and pegasus', or hen's teeth if you're from the south. 

Though I venture to guess some of the TAM ladies feel the same about us guys, lol!


----------



## Arendt

BaxJanson said:


> Yeah, I called her out, and she responded that my disregarding her feelings (and posting what I want) was seeking to 'deny her autonomy in choosing to read without putting herself at risk of emotional torture.'
> 
> Shudder. Twitch. Block. Next.
> 
> Are y'all SURE there are non-crazy females out there?


:scratchhead: Whoever she ends up with will need to be a masochist. Give me pain. Give me suffering. Give me your crazy rants and jealousy.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> haha
> I must take crazy lessons from this woman.... She is good!!
> May I be her FB friend??


I recently heard of a lady who pees herself on the bus while she babbles...take them from the best...this lady is an amateur.


----------



## movealong

Okay, so kick me, I loved the movie Sleepless in Seattle, especially this line:



> Dennis Reed: Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.


----------



## Another Planet

5 Reasons You Should Have Sex With Your Husband Every Night | Meg Conley
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

BaxJanson said:


> Are y'all SURE there are non-crazy females out there?


Can't guarantee that. Because we women are all A LITTLE crazy. 



ne9907 said:


> haha
> I must take crazy lessons from this woman.... She is good!!
> May I be her FB friend??
> 
> *In all seriousness, did you at any point have sex with her? Fatal attraction...*.


:rofl:

Yep, he may have sent her into shock overload and now she is acting craaaazy. It has been known to happen.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Can't guarantee that. Because we women are all A *LITTLE* crazy.
> .


Is this a quantifiable value or is this some imaginary numerical scale as is used in geometric algebra? You know the ones used to measure some point from a known x-axis point


----------



## Jellybeans

Hehe. Your wife must love you, Dre!

And psst... the CRAZY can't be quantified.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Your wife must love you, Dre!
> 
> And psst... the CRAZY *can't be quantified*.


She does and she gets my quirky sense of "humor", if you could call it that. 

As for the bold statement, I am smart enough not to touch that one. 

Well time for me to get all the final preps in place we are T-24 hours from Iselle making her presence known to our islands.


----------



## Jellybeans

drerio said:


> As for the bold statement, I am smart enough not to touch that one.


Hahaha. Reminds me of my father. Who has spent most of his life surrounded by us whacky women. I always say, "How did you SURVIVE a house full of women, Dad?!" and he always points to his head and does this:

:crazy:

And says "Man cave." 

Oh but he loves us! HAHAHA

Oh gosh. I hope the hurricane isn't too bad, Dre!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Hahaha. Reminds me of my father. Who has spent most of his life surrounded by us whacky women. I always say, "How did you SURVIVE a house full of women, Dad?!" and he always points to his head and does this:
> 
> :crazy:
> 
> And says "Man cave."
> 
> Oh but he loves us! HAHAHA
> 
> Oh gosh. I hope the hurricane*s* isn't too bad, Dre!


We will be ok, I have been preparing for days. When you live on an island you have to prepare. Anyway, my ancestors survived centuries of tropical storms. If they can do it, I can too. 



Oh, and you know I have a man cave/music studio in my house.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Can't guarantee that. Because we women are all A LITTLE crazy.
> 
> .


I am a lot less crazy that what I was last year. I am very proud of the huge difference Ive made. I was a crazy, jealous, shadow woman!! 
I am saner now  but still a bit crazy


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Hm , that was kidding around , l knew what you meant. l tried to word it right but I didn't mean anything by it ok and no ones interested in a smarts comp least of all me .
> l only meant it in a humorist sense .


I tend to be mute on my children's intellect or lack of it, as well as my own. The government has a way of keeping track of any sign of intelligence to use for its own purposes when war is declared. Just ask the designers of the A bomb.

I hate that they're tested every year....
I think it's invasive, the government knowing your level of neural activity. What business is it of theirs? No more than what's in your blood or urine without a search warrant.


----------



## Arendt

Just got back from meeting with an art gal from Match. She's pretty and nice, but I didn't feel too connected and would have no interest in dating her. We'd probably get along fine in a group and such, but I have no romantic interests in her. She was a pretty face, and had her life relatively together and we had a nice time talking, but I couldn't see continuing things. Something about her attitude toward life...a little too high class without the actual class. What's the protocol? Tell her tomorrow that I don't see it working out? Or just go dark and never contact her again?

Honestly...I'm thinking that maybe I should just take Moxy's initial advice and go all in with this Guatemalan for now. She's really cool, into me and I'm into her. I have something set up for Sunday with this Persian woman...and I bet she'll be really interesting with her travels and life story and interests. But I got this feeling I should see what happens with the person I am into and is into me and if that doesn't work out, try again. At least with her I'll get to pick up Spanish again if nothing else and will have a really good time with a wonderful person (haven't used the language in 14 years so I am really, really rusty).


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I am a lot less crazy that what I was last year. I am very proud of the huge difference Ive made. I was a crazy, jealous, shadow woman!!
> I am saner now  but still a bit crazy


Well I think you are cool. You've been through a lot of traumatic stuff. You didn't deserve any of that and deserve to be really happy in life. If that involves a man, I hope he treats you like a queen and not his Fvck buddy or for granted in thousands of other ways men can do. you shoudl be proud of yourself.

You have that idea for grad school...run with that. I bet doors will open you never dreamed of if you do.


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> Something about her attitude toward life...a little too high class without the actual class.


Lol. What does that mean?



Arendt said:


> What's the protocol? Tell her tomorrow that I don't see it working out? Or just go dark and never contact her again?.


No! Don't go dark! (if she contacts you). I say for now, don't reach out to her. If she does reach out to you though, tell her straight up that you had a really nice time meeting her but weren't feeling a connection beyond a friendship. 



Arendt said:


> Honestly...I'm thinking that maybe I should just take Moxy's initial advice and go all in with this Guatemalan for now. She's really cool, into me and I'm into her. But I got this feeling I should see what happens with the person I am into and is into me and if that doesn't work out, try again.


Then go for it.

Are you going to cancel with Persian?


----------



## Arendt

Nah I'll meet with her. She's probably really interesting. But I got this other woman in my head.

Thanks for the advice on the other. Don't reach out. IF she does be honest. 

high class without class? She's didn't seem to have any direction in life to be honest. She wants to move upward and onward, but doesn't really have the drive inside yet to do it. And she's not from the intellectual or rich classes, but she sort of acts like she is, or what she thinks those people are like. Turn off to me. Be yourself. A little snooty for no reason than a nice body and face.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Well I think you are cool. You've been through a lot of traumatic stuff. You didn't deserve any of that and deserve to be really happy in life. If that involves a man, I hope he treats you like a queen and not his Fvck buddy or for granted in thousands of other ways men can do. you shoudl be proud of yourself.
> 
> You have that idea for grad school...run with that. I bet doors will open you never dreamed of if you do.


aww, this is extremely sweet. Thank you.
so I am writing the following because I do not want to cry:
We killed a rattlesnake right outside out office door, we are now going to apply for hazardous pay and put in our paperwork with the VA for PTSD 



Arendt said:


> Nah I'll meet with her. She's probably really interesting. But I got this other woman in my head.
> 
> Thanks for the advice on the other. Don't reach out. IF she does be honest.
> 
> high class without class? She's didn't seem to have any direction in life to be honest. She wants to move upward and onward, but doesn't really have the drive inside yet to do it. And she's not from the intellectual or rich classes, but she sort of acts like she is, or what she thinks those people are like. Turn off to me. Be yourself. A little snooty for no reason than a nice body and face.


SO I cannot be snooty just because I am pretty? But... but... but...


----------



## moxy

BaxJanson said:


> Yeah, I called her out, and she responded that my disregarding her feelings (and posting what I want) was seeking to 'deny her autonomy in choosing to read without putting herself at risk of emotional torture.'
> 
> Shudder. Twitch. Block. Next.
> 
> Are y'all SURE there are non-crazy females out there?


Yeah, she sounds batty. There are plenty of not-crazy women out there, such as most of us on TAM. 



movealong said:


> They are as rare as unicorns and pegasus', or hen's teeth if you're from the south.
> 
> Though I venture to guess some of the TAM ladies feel the same about us guys, lol!


Well, not all men are sex-blinded sycophants, but many who are like the opportunities presented by online dating….



Arendt said:


> :scratchhead: Whoever she ends up with will need to be a masochist. Give me pain. Give me suffering. Give me your crazy rants and jealousy.


When I told ex-h I loved him, apparently I was saying those statements above. :/ Makes for some wild stories and exciting drama, but the crash and burn is a serious killjoy. 



drerio said:


> Well time for me to get all the final preps in place we are T-24 hours from Iselle making her presence known to our islands.


Wishing you and your loved ones safety! In Houston, we called those gatherings hurricane parties.



Jellybeans said:


> I always say, "How did you SURVIVE a house full of women, Dad?!" and he always points to his head and does this: :crazy:
> And says "Man cave."


I love that! I don't have a Man Cave (or a woman cave), but I have a Writing Studio (a book cave? I suppose); without it, my sanity would be suspect.



ne9907 said:


> I am a lot less crazy that what I was last year….I was a crazy, jealous, shadow woman!!


I'm only crazy when I'm partying -- but maybe they just call that "wild" or on ordinary days, "eccentric".  I'm very possessive, though; I just don't express it outside of my book cave because I would look less than sane.

I am crazy about Guy, right now, like….wanting to drop everything else and forget about any world that exists outside of his bed for a solid week crazy about him. *Sigh*. I'm doomed. I need to get some this weekend so I stop thinking about it. Lust does make people act a little bit crazy.

Our crazy-making exes make us feel crazy, too. You're sane, just coping with heartache.



Arendt said:


> Just got back from meeting with an art gal from Match. She's pretty and nice, but I didn't feel too connected and would have no interest in dating her.
> 
> What's the protocol? Tell her tomorrow that I don't see it working out? Or just go dark and never contact her again?


Don't text her. If she texts you, be polite. If she asks you out, tell her that you think she's great and maybe you guys can be friends, but you weren't feeling a romantic connection. 

She sounds pretentious. Or, uptight. If you're not both hipsters, then that won't even be ironically enjoyable.



Arendt said:


> Honestly...I'm thinking that maybe I should just take Moxy's initial advice and go all in with this Guatemalan for now. She's really cool, into me and I'm into her. I have something set up for Sunday with this Persian woman...and I bet she'll be really interesting with her travels and life story and interests. But I got this feeling I should see what happens with the person I am into and is into me and if that doesn't work out, try again. At least with her I'll get to pick up Spanish again if nothing else and will have a really good time with a wonderful person (haven't used the language in 14 years so I am really, really rusty).


Go out on a date with the Persian woman and see how things go. If they don't strike your fancy, then it means you really are into Guatemalan Woman and you should focus your attention on seeing how things go!  Better to do a big thing with a whole heart, even if its risky than to half-a$$ it in an effort to play it safe. Of course, I'm apparently a romantic these days, so there's your context for my words.


----------



## Arendt

Pretty women who are a little uppity don't really believe they are pretty themselves...that is my take on it. People who are attractive and know they are, project a confidence that doesn't need to measure others and gauge whether they think the person is attractive. They just don't care and can loosen up because of it.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Pretty women who are a little uppity don't really believe they are pretty themselves...that is my take on it. People who are attractive and know they are, project a confidence that doesn't need to measure others and gauge whether they think the person is attractive. They just don't care and can loosen up because of it.


:iagree:

Last year, I would have said i am not pretty, and put myself down every chance I would get. Today, I know I am attractive.

Blue eyes on the other hand, he is somewhat attractive, not overly, but the confidence in that man is out of this world.... 
sometimes his confidence is too much ><


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> She sounds pretentious. Or, uptight. If you're not both hipsters, then that won't even be ironically enjoyable.


I've never met a hipster before...yeah...that was what one is like. I doubt we could be friends without mediation of a huge group even to be honest. I'm nice and never put down people unless they are really rude so we had a nice time because I could deflect and joke the pretensiousness.

Thanks for the other words. YOu women here are very helpful with this stuff


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> I love that! I don't have a Man Cave (or a woman cave), but I have a Writing Studio (a book cave? I suppose); without it, my sanity would be suspect.


Hehe. I don't have a Man Cave either but refer to my entire crib as my "Bachelorette Pad." 



moxy said:


> If you're not both hipsters, then that won't even be ironically enjoyable.


Lol!



Arendt said:


> Pretty women who are a little uppity don't really believe they are pretty themselves...


I don't get this. Wouldn't they just know they are pretty? Not sure how uppity plays into that.

But I will say, bow chicka-bow-wow. Get out there and enjoy yourself whoever you wan! I bet it will be hard to concentrate on other women anyway since you are so smitten with the Guatemalan.


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> I don't get this. Wouldn't they just know they are pretty? Not sure how uppity plays into that.


From my own experience with arrogance, which I can tend towards, I know that I am good at things and all that, but in the past, underlying this seeming confidence was the idea that I was a sham somehow, really a bad person deep down that needed all this other stuff...Jeckyl keeping Mr. Hyde down. I just projected a confidence that was really arrogance, not genuine confidence. All my "confidence" was based on low self-esteem and measuring myself against others and their achievements (So I did better than they did).

I'm not climbing ladders anymore.



Jellybeans said:


> I bet it will be hard to concentrate on other women anyway since you are so smitten with the Guatemalan.


Saturday morning run and breakfast can't come too soon.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD, I've got to echo what some other people say here... not everyone who's educated is a snob.


I know I know! 



> But I would be bothered by an apparent "lack of career" simply because I wouldn't want to end up supporting some lazy man. I want someone who has a good work ethic and goals, who is fiscally responsible and can take care of himself. That's not being a snob... that's wanting a mature adult who can be a real partner.


Well with that date in particular I simply "admitted" that I worked "part time" in "coordinating events", which is halfly true - I no longer have to work full-time, and if I did everyone would complain! My business runs better laissez faire I noticed - as when I spend too much time micromanaging I end up "fixing" things that ain't broke!

(But no, she didn't know the details)

So:

1) Does this make me lazy? Now sure I didn't tell her the details either than "part-time", why does she have to know anyway? Also, just because I don't have to work full days no more does that make me slack?

2) Does this mean I have no goals? I've already achieved them, and I'm no longer financially motivated. That I also told her - and had a feeling it was the kicker considering her disappointed look when I told her! In truth I never was, I only started chasing the greens when ex got pregnant and I panicked into baconbringer mode... which I kinda overkilled back in the day, but it paid off!

3) I can't recall ever being fiscally irresponsible in my life!

So tell me, was I setting her up to fail? Or did I weed out a gold digger? 

Remember this: When my ex and I first got together I was far from where I am now, I had no career, no education, and was working part-time. However, I was never out of work and I always knew where the money was when I needed it - so never once did I ask her for money, nor did I accept it when it was offered (like when she recommended I take her parents money to start us off when we got married - like FK OFF! lol)

Comparing those days with the days of today, the main difference is now I have my money working for me instead of having to work for it. I still have no career and no education - cause I don't need it! Besides I'm an ex-crim - career prospects for high earnings were limited, entrepreneurship was the only answer to show my love for my new family.

Now regardless of our issues, my ex I trusted to love me for me, despite my success in following years I knew she was there from the beginning. And hey, since losing everything except my businesses to her (which I'm not TOO fussed about despite my whining since she promised that the assets are for our primary beneficiary; our daughter) - to HELL with some other woman reaping my hard work over the years via gold digging!

Unfortunately this is the standard that my ex has placed on me that has made her incredibly hard to replace in the dating department especially in the big city (in addition to me being a dad + not yet divorced) - hence I just go FWB all the way!

BAH!


----------



## RandomDude

Sh-t...

Bah, nevermind - just woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning


----------



## Arendt

Wow...well the woman i met with today already reached out...wants to have dinner and gave me her cell. So I'll have to kindly tell her I think it wouldn't work out.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Sh-t...
> 
> Bah, nevermind - just woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning


For you RD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEzTdBJUHO8

always puts me in a good mood!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> For you RD
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEzTdBJUHO8
> 
> always puts me in a good mood!


Heh thanks... think I'm getting lovesick, you know, when I look at my FWB and wish I felt something but I don't, and start wondering whatever the hell it ever felt like to actually love someone... then realise it ain't going to happen... *sigh*

Meh, now I'm getting all softy, stupid song! BAH! :banghead:


----------



## Arendt

Not going to happen? I wonder...do you think these FWB relationships themselves might be part of the problem? I mean for me, I think they would start to make me see women as sexual objects rather than people. I could easily hook up with several different women already. Gal I just told no too...got right back to me saying, might be nice to have another person to see though..."just throwing it out there" (that is, "I'm up for just having sex without us going anywhere"). 

I don't know...those kind so f relationships would probably shift my thinking toward the short-term...toward the here and now where I would like to get laid...sure...but at what price?

Just a thought....


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Nah I'll meet with her. She's probably really interesting. But I got this other woman in my head.
> 
> Thanks for the advice on the other. Don't reach out. IF she does be honest.
> 
> high class without class? She's didn't seem to have any direction in life to be honest. She wants to move upward and onward, but doesn't really have the drive inside yet to do it. And she's not from the intellectual or rich classes, but she sort of acts like she is, or what she thinks those people are like. Turn off to me. Be yourself. A little snooty for no reason than a nice body and face.



Yeah l hate that stuff too.


----------



## moxy

I don't mind the snobs. I can out-snob them, if I want to. Generally, I'm pretty laid back and relaxed, though.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hmmm, EH guy has an Icelandic neighbor, and is not averse to retiring there as his neighbor also wants to go back retire there. I may have started a trend...
hahahahaha.
I will meet him when I get back from my vacation...and if things don't work out between us I can ask for an intro to his neighbor. 

Back to workathon. Two more nights and tomorrow and then downtime for 10 days.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> I know I know!
> 
> 
> 
> Well with that date in particular I simply "admitted" that I worked "part time" in "coordinating events", which is halfly true - I no longer have to work full-time, and if I did everyone would complain! My business runs better laissez faire I noticed - as when I spend too much time micromanaging I end up "fixing" things that ain't broke!
> 
> (But no, she didn't know the details)
> 
> So:
> 
> 1) Does this make me lazy? Now sure I didn't tell her the details either than "part-time", why does she have to know anyway? Also, just because I don't have to work full days no more does that make me slack?
> 
> 2) Does this mean I have no goals? I've already achieved them, and I'm no longer financially motivated. That I also told her - and had a feeling it was the kicker considering her disappointed look when I told her! In truth I never was, I only started chasing the greens when ex got pregnant and I panicked into baconbringer mode... which I kinda overkilled back in the day, but it paid off!
> 
> 3) I can't recall ever being fiscally irresponsible in my life!
> 
> So tell me, was I setting her up to fail? Or did I weed out a gold digger?
> 
> Remember this: When my ex and I first got together I was far from where I am now, I had no career, no education, and was working part-time. However, I was never out of work and I always knew where the money was when I needed it - so never once did I ask her for money, nor did I accept it when it was offered (like when she recommended I take her parents money to start us off when we got married - like FK OFF! lol)
> 
> Comparing those days with the days of today, the main difference is now I have my money working for me instead of having to work for it. I still have no career and no education - cause I don't need it! Besides I'm an ex-crim - career prospects for high earnings were limited, entrepreneurship was the only answer to show my love for my new family.
> 
> Now regardless of our issues, my ex I trusted to love me for me, despite my success in following years I knew she was there from the beginning. And hey, since losing everything except my businesses to her (which I'm not TOO fussed about despite my whining since she promised that the assets are for our primary beneficiary; our daughter) - to HELL with some other woman reaping my hard work over the years via gold digging!
> 
> Unfortunately this is the standard that my ex has placed on me that has made her incredibly hard to replace in the dating department especially in the big city (in addition to me being a dad + not yet divorced) - hence I just go FWB all the way!
> 
> BAH!



There's nothing wrong with your angle , women are easily just as cautious and calculating .
When l was 27 l was pretty well on course to retire early 30s . l always wanted to retire early. Not rich by any stretch but everything would have been paid for and a bit of back up. That went out the window when l separated from my gf of about 5yrs then.
And now l was set up to retire again within the next few yrs and that was after taking 10yrs out to go into art , but we split up and again it's out the window . Hu , think l'm destined to work until l'm 103 now 
Yet they were both good trusting relationships , that wasn't the issue . lt's just that if you go into things together , even with peaceful split ups things get split up separately so you still can't win.

So eh , look after yourself l say and protect your plans and achievements, nothing wrong with that . lf she's set up or doing really well she'd be doing the same. Even here they say all the time they don't wanna support some guy.
l know it's a fine line but hopefully with the right girl later it all pans out .
l plan on setting my life up from here alone in all that way now , just don't wanna have to go through all that again.


----------



## whitehawk

l made a discovery on my date site.
Not that l even use it right now but it still helped for a fresh clean out of the old closets this wk.

Pics , l put at the bottom of my bs now - l'm not interested in meeting anyone that doesn't have recent photos .
A lot of the girls use this one and it works a treat . Now anyone l talk to have recent pics , no hassles , just there ready and waiting.

And the second discovery is in having to do the deed.
Now that they all come with pics , if l don't like them l just don't answer for a day or two.
They crack the [email protected] and delete me from their contacts no questions asked , done and dusted . :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well with that date in particular I simply "admitted" that I worked "part time" in "coordinating events", which is halfly true - I no longer have to work full-time, and if I did everyone would complain! My business runs better laissez faire I noticed - as when I spend too much time micromanaging I end up "fixing" things that ain't broke!
> 
> (But no, she didn't know the details)
> 
> So:
> 
> 1) Does this make me lazy? Now sure I didn't tell her the details either than "part-time", why does she have to know anyway? Also, just because I don't have to work full days no more does that make me slack?
> 
> 2) Does this mean I have no goals? I've already achieved them, and I'm no longer financially motivated. That I also told her - and had a feeling it was the kicker considering her disappointed look when I told her! In truth I never was, I only started chasing the greens when ex got pregnant and I panicked into baconbringer mode... which I kinda overkilled back in the day, but it paid off!
> 
> 3) I can't recall ever being fiscally irresponsible in my life!
> 
> *So tell me, was I setting her up to fail?* Or did I weed out a gold digger?
> 
> Remember this: When my ex and I first got together I was far from where I am now, I had no career, no education, and was working part-time. However, I was never out of work and I always knew where the money was when I needed it - so never once did I ask her for money, nor did I accept it when it was offered (like when she recommended I take her parents money to start us off when we got married - like FK OFF! lol)


A little bit, yeah! 

"I work part-time" = I can't get a full-time job

"Coordinating events" = I'm probably a lifer in the service industry (and having worked in the service industry and knowing the types that are lifers in the service industry, this would have sent me running for the hills)

A woman can't appreciate your ingenuity and entrepreneurship if you don't tell her! The women out there who aren't gold-diggers and who are just as self-reliant as yourself, they're looking to weed out the slackers and the gold-diggers themselves. And the image that you're portraying of yourself is what is going to cause them to weed YOU out.

It's pretty easy to tell when a woman is after you for your money. Don't try to project a false image of yourself; it's only going to backfire on you in the end. Figure out another way to separate the wheat from the chaff, RD.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> A little bit, yeah!
> 
> "I work part-time" = I can't get a full-time job
> 
> "Coordinating events" = I'm probably a lifer in the service industry (and having worked in the service industry and knowing the types that are lifers in the service industry, this would have sent me running for the hills)
> 
> A woman can't appreciate your ingenuity and entrepreneurship if you don't tell her! The women out there who aren't gold-diggers and who are just as self-reliant as yourself, they're looking to weed out the slackers and the gold-diggers themselves. And the image that you're portraying of yourself is what is going to cause them to weed YOU out.
> 
> It's pretty easy to tell when a woman is after you for your money. Don't try to project a false image of yourself; it's only going to backfire on you in the end. Figure out another way to separate the wheat from the chaff, RD.


:iagree: 

If a man told me he only works part time, that shouts LOSER to me...NOT because I am a gold digger, or materialistic, but because* I* work full time, always have, and take care of my own sh!t. And I expect the same of any man. So you putting that out there in that way is going to put off many good women, you are shooting yourself in the foot, RD. Its a shame that you have decided that any woman who doesnt want the poor man act that you are putting out there is a worthless gold digger. Most of us just want a competent, responsible man.


----------



## whitehawk

There's 2 or 3 mentalities and that ones very common among people that work for a boss. 
Not saying you bc l wouldn't know but the thing is, though they couldn't even imagine what you have to do to build/run your own business. Some of the hours you'll work , the stress, the financial gambles you put on the line. No way they can even comprehend that .
l work p/t for myself but l'm often working at 2am sundays too or all w/e or doing 20hr straight runs from interstate. Or may look like l just got up at 10am but l may've been answering text calls from customers in bed since 6am. l built my first business at 22 and went through hell to get it where it got. l fkg earned every slack day l had and l do now too.

A lot of women only work p/t bc they don't even need to work they just do it for something to do.
Or like my sister , she's a day trader. She works an hour a day from 10 to 11 , that's it.
Or like one girl l met 6mths back. She bought a house , renovated it up on her own for 3yrs , sold it for triple and then she moved to a cheaper area and downsized . Leaving her 400k in the bank and no mortgage , at 45. She never has to work again , she's a smart [email protected] , l loved that about her. The fun we could've had bc of our free time .

Then say my brother. He works for him self , builder. He only works 6mths a yr. It's a damn hard job and when he does work it's often 12 and 15hr days , stress, weather . 

l look at somebody that can set their life up to only work p/t as very fkg clever . l dig clever. l'd never consider myself any rocket scientist but anybody that knows me have scratched their head about me for years bc l am very clever.


----------



## Arendt

RD:

I'm ex convict too, 20 years back. Its great that you got past it through starting your own business. So many folks don't make it for whatever reason. You didn't let it take you down, you beat the odds and the piece of **** system that wanted you (and I) back in again and again so somebody can make money.

But it seems to me you are letting this divorce kick your a$$ and the same way you worked hard to get out of that other cycle, you got to do the same here. This whole FWB for life thing because women can be gold diggers or whatever...you've proven yourself better than that type of thing in the past, that you can rise above it. You should do the same now. Just my opinion.


----------



## Arendt

Also RD, I totally get how the business means so much to you...it saved you from something, got you on a different footing and gave you a way out. Anybody who wants to take that, or somehow weasel into that thing, yeah it is threatening, deep down it is a threat. 

The women here probably have sage advice nonetheless. It the communication thing.


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> l look at somebody that can set their life up to only work p/t as very fkg clever . l dig clever. l'd never consider myself any rocket scientist but anybody that knows me have scratched their head about me for years bc l am very clever.


Yeah me too. My goal in life is to live like I want to live, which does not include drudgery for some corporation or d!ck boss. One of the really attractive things about being an academic to me is that I get summers off and a couple months over the holidays too. 

Not to say I don't like the work...but the free time...and who wants to be a wage slave if you can get out of it?


----------



## moxy

There's work in the summers in academia, too. Research. Service. Writing. The work hours are intense and it's not all vacay and cigars and cognac in the library. However, it's a pretty sweet gig for any book nerd.


----------



## Arendt

Yeah...I know. But its pretty flexible. Writing and all that I consider side stuff though I know the pressures on tenure and all that (My CV in terms of writing and publications is already better than most profs I know so I am not worried on that score one bit...I could slide into tenure with my cv as it is frankly: 7 books, 7-8 peer-reviewed pieces in top notch journals, etc).


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If a man told me he only works part time, that shouts LOSER to me...NOT because I am a gold digger, or materialistic, but because* I* work full time, always have, and take care of my own sh!t. And I expect the same of any man. So you putting that out there in that way is going to put off many good women, you are shooting yourself in the foot, RD. Its a shame that you have decided that any woman who doesnt want the poor man act that you are putting out there is a worthless gold digger. Most of us just want a competent, responsible man.


Wow, that's really brutal. There are some consultants/contractors with children who realize the cost benefit curve ends at 25 or 30 hours a week so they can avoid day care, housekeeping, paying an assistant to keep track of the paperwork associated with extra projects, and then the additional cost of eating out and shortcut meals. Plus maybe in the process of dollar chasing, paradoxically ending up with less overall or diminishing returns due to catching the lower end of a higher tax bracket without matching expenses to bring one back down. 

A smart person knows when to stop working for dollars and to maximize quality of life by having one outside of employment. Working full time adds a lot of hours to your life: usually have to dress up, shower, pack lunches, commute, etc. To me it's like the person has a whole other relationship...if it's not contained, then that's a HUGE red flag for me. 25-35 hours is sane, 40 or more if telecommuting probably okay...beyond that I steer clear, this person has no time for me. 

A competent responsible man is someone who can take care of his sh*t (and himself and family) and judging someone on full time vs. less than full time is just weird. I don't judge myself when I lower my hours...why would I judge anyone else? As long as they're responsible and don't expect me to pick up their financial slack (in dollars or services rendered for housekeeping, day care, errand running, etc.) why would I care? 

In some countries, most of the population works a reduced work week based on American standards, and loads of vacation time, nobody blinks an eye at people with free hours.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> A little bit, yeah!
> 
> "I work part-time" = I can't get a full-time job
> "Coordinating events" = I'm probably a lifer in the service industry (and having worked in the service industry and knowing the types that are lifers in the service industry, this would have sent me running for the hills)
> 
> A woman can't appreciate your ingenuity and entrepreneurship if you don't tell her! The women out there who aren't gold-diggers and who are just as self-reliant as yourself, they're looking to weed out the slackers and the gold-diggers themselves. And the image that you're portraying of yourself is what is going to cause them to weed YOU out.





3Xnocharm said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If a man told me he only works part time, that shouts LOSER to me...NOT because I am a gold digger, or materialistic, but because* I* work full time, always have, and take care of my own sh!t. And I expect the same of any man. So you putting that out there in that way is going to put off many good women, you are shooting yourself in the foot, RD. Its a shame that you have decided that any woman who doesnt want the poor man act that you are putting out there is a worthless gold digger. Most of us just want a competent, responsible man.


Ha! How does telling her I "work part-time" translate as I can't get a full-time job? When explaining to that date I told her I could but I'm not financially motivated (which is true). So does that also translate to "being a lifer"? lol

Here's the thing: *I DON'T WANT ANY WOMAN to appreciate my ingenuity and entrepreneurship!* To me that is icing on the cake, money is NOTHING to me but a means to an end and I'd rather she look at who I am as a person rather than how much I can make!

So if that date shared such a mentality then I'm glad she fked off! I have enough problems dealing with materialism from my pesky shareholders pushing me to expand / cut labor costs when both me and my staff are already happy with the stability, exceptional profits where many of them are even paid almost double the award wages.

FK BRINGING THAT INTO MY HOME!



> It's pretty easy to tell when a woman is after you for your money. Don't try to project a false image of yourself; it's only going to backfire on you in the end. Figure out another way to separate the wheat from the chaff, RD.


You have any other suggestions? Because an entire thread failed to convince me of an alternative to protect my finances. I didn't go through hell years ago just to get robbed by a woman.

And that's the kicker too - I don't want just someone who isn't a gold-digger, I want someone to be able to love a man even if he's not rich, someone who judges me by who I am not how much I can make. That way I can move forward into the relationship knowing that even if my business goes to hell for some reason she'll still be there - as my ex was there from the very fking beginning.

Sorry, but that's the standard that I can't live without. So in a way, ex has spoiled me for life.



whitehawk said:


> There's 2 or 3 mentalities and that ones very common among people that work for a boss.
> Not saying you bc l wouldn't know but the thing is, though they couldn't even imagine what you have to do to build/run your own business. Some of the hours you'll work , the stress, the financial gambles you put on the line. No way they can even comprehend that .


Aye, FKING 84 hour weeks was a normality back in the day! And I'm supposed to be "lazy" now because my business is happy running by itself after those YEARS of intense work, sleepless nights and pulling my hair out trying to figure out how to get the business out of the downturns? BAH!



> l work p/t for myself but l'm often working at 2am sundays too or all w/e or doing 20hr straight runs from interstate. Or may look like l just got up at 10am but l may've been answering text calls from customers in bed since 6am. *l built my first business at 22 and went through hell to get it where it got. l fkg earned every slack day l had and l do now too.*


Damn fking right!



Arendt said:


> RD:
> 
> I'm ex convict too, 20 years back. Its great that you got past it through starting your own business. So many folks don't make it for whatever reason. You didn't let it take you down, you beat the odds and the piece of **** system that wanted you (and I) back in again and again so somebody can make money.
> 
> But it seems to me you are letting this divorce kick your a$$ and the same way you worked hard to get out of that other cycle, you got to do the same here. This whole FWB for life thing because women can be gold diggers or whatever...you've proven yourself better than that type of thing in the past, that you can rise above it. You should do the same now. Just my opinion.


This whole FWB thing is not my first preference but women here in my city suck compared to my ex. Now I've moved on don't get me wrong - she has tons of her own bloody issues but the one thing she had was non-materialism. If I am to have someone else profit from the successes that I achieved I'd rather she not be a fking thief!


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Wow, that's really brutal. There are some consultants/contractors with children who realize the cost benefit curve ends at 25 or 30 hours a week so they can avoid day care, housekeeping, paying an assistant to keep track of the paperwork associated with extra projects, and then the additional cost of eating out and shortcut meals. Plus maybe in the process of dollar chasing, paradoxically ending up with less overall or diminishing returns due to catching the lower end of a higher tax bracket without matching expenses to bring one back down.
> 
> A smart person knows when to stop working for dollars and to maximize quality of life by having one outside of employment. Working full time adds a lot of hours to your life: usually have to dress up, shower, pack lunches, commute, etc. To me it's like the person has a whole other relationship...if it's not contained, then that's a HUGE red flag for me. 25-35 hours is sane, 40 or more if telecommuting probably okay...beyond that I steer clear, this person has no time for me.
> 
> A competent responsible man is someone who can take care of his sh*t (and himself and family) and judging someone on full time vs. less than full time is just weird. I don't judge myself when I lower my hours...why would I judge anyone else? As long as they're responsible and don't expect me to pick up their financial slack (in dollars or services rendered for housekeeping, day care, errand running, etc.) why would I care?
> 
> In some countries, most of the population works a reduced work week based on American standards, and loads of vacation time, nobody blinks an eye at people with free hours.



Yep exactly , there's so many angles. 
Funny you mention the tax bracket to bc if l earn 10k more than now , l move up and would have to work full time to keep what l keep now working p/t . l know which one l choose. :rofl: . lt's weird isn't it all that stuff.


----------



## RandomDude

^ It's a shame that the desire for "financial stability" so easily blurs into materialism for so many women.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I know I know!
> 
> 
> 
> Well with that date in particular I simply "admitted" that I worked "part time" in "coordinating events", which is halfly true - I no longer have to work full-time, and if I did everyone would complain! My business runs better laissez faire I noticed - as when I spend too much time micromanaging I end up "fixing" things that ain't broke!
> 
> (But no, she didn't know the details)
> 
> So:
> 
> 1) Does this make me lazy? Now sure I didn't tell her the details either than "part-time", why does she have to know anyway? Also, just because I don't have to work full days no more does that make me slack?
> 
> 2) Does this mean I have no goals? I've already achieved them, and I'm no longer financially motivated. That I also told her - and had a feeling it was the kicker considering her disappointed look when I told her!
> 
> So tell me, was I setting her up to fail? Or did I weed out a gold digger?


I am not sure why you make these possible FWB's go through all these hoops or only tell them half-truths. The fact is, you're not looking for a relationship at all so I'm not sure why you even compare them to your still-not-ex-wife (when are you divorcing, by the way)?, who was there when you had nothing.

Apples and oranges. 

I mean, I guess it's up to you if you don't want to tell them everything about your job/career/financial situation, but I'm confused as to why the comparisons the ex-wife always come up, or why you give them little sh*t tests to see if they will pass and aren't trying to use you for your money, when you have made it clear you are NOT looking for a relationship. SO even if, say, they were golddiggers (or not), why does it matter? You are not looking to lay down roots with them. You are just looking for a quick shag. "Bye" as they leave in the morning is all you have to say. It's not like you're looking to buy houses together or plan an expensive wedding or invest in financial plans with them.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> A little bit, yeah!
> 
> "I work part-time" = I can't get a full-time job
> 
> "Coordinating events" = I'm probably a lifer in the service industry (and having worked in the service industry and knowing the types that are lifers in the service industry, this would have sent me running for the hills)
> 
> A woman can't appreciate your ingenuity and entrepreneurship if you don't tell her! The women out there who aren't gold-diggers and who are just as self-reliant as yourself, they're looking to weed out the slackers and the gold-diggers themselves. And the image that you're portraying of yourself is what is going to cause them to weed YOU out.
> 
> It's pretty easy to tell when a woman is after you for your money. Don't try to project a false image of yourself; it's only going to backfire on you in the end. Figure out another way to separate the wheat from the chaff, RD.


:iagree: with all of this.

RD, I wonder, if you went out with a woman who told you she only works part-time and purposely ommited the fact that she is financially ok, if you would think she was a golddigger/slacker.

See?

When the shoe is on the other foot, I wonder how you would feel.

What's good for the goose and all that.

But then again, I don't get why you care either way when you are only looking to bang them. It's not like you're looking to shack up/get married. 

I do hope you are using condoms. Because if you do cause a pregnancy because you didn't wrap it up, then yeah, you are in for some spending money for about 20 years.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Pics , l put at the bottom of my bs now - l'm not interested in meeting anyone that doesn't have recent photos .


Yeah that is k ind of odd.

Was it you or Muskrat who was saying how they were talking to a woman who refused to share/show her pic?

I recently had that. Guy had a pic of sailboat so I clicked it. Well his profile says "you don't need a pic just yet - better to know each other first" - um, ok. Anyway he was messaging me and I asked why he did not have one and he said because when he did he didn't get any matches and wrote a sadface - then said now he gets matches. I told him "I don't like that I can't see you but you can see me." To be continued... (I haven't checked my messages since, lol).

Or what about people who post pictures of their pets as their profile? Or their kids? Or the ones with 5 people in the profile picture and you have NO clue which one they are? Why do people do this? 



whitehawk said:


> And the second discovery is in having to do the deed.


What deed? Sex?


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah the pets thing , l dunno , it's beyond me :scratchhead:

A lot of people seem to stall showing you a pic and sometimes you might be talking a few days and they'll still dodge it. And then finally , they show you one and they're so far off your thing, you've wasted all that time.
So l'm just fed up with that and so now l have that in my about me bit. Everyone l meet has pics now , works good.

The deed , having to tell someone your not interested . l just find it really hard sometimes .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Wow, that's really brutal. There are some consultants/contractors with children who realize the cost benefit curve ends at 25 or 30 hours a week so they can avoid day care, housekeeping, paying an assistant to keep track of the paperwork associated with extra projects, and then the additional cost of eating out and shortcut meals. Plus maybe in the process of dollar chasing, paradoxically ending up with less overall or diminishing returns due to catching the lower end of a higher tax bracket without matching expenses to bring one back down.
> 
> A smart person knows when to stop working for dollars and to maximize quality of life by having one outside of employment. Working full time adds a lot of hours to your life: usually have to dress up, shower, pack lunches, commute, etc. To me it's like the person has a whole other relationship...if it's not contained, then that's a HUGE red flag for me. 25-35 hours is sane, 40 or more if telecommuting probably okay...beyond that I steer clear, this person has no time for me.
> 
> A competent responsible man is someone who can take care of his sh*t (and himself and family) and judging someone on full time vs. less than full time is just weird. I don't judge myself when I lower my hours...why would I judge anyone else? As long as they're responsible and don't expect me to pick up their financial slack (in dollars or services rendered for housekeeping, day care, errand running, etc.) why would I care?
> 
> In some countries, most of the population works a reduced work week based on American standards, and loads of vacation time, nobody blinks an eye at people with free hours.


The thing is that RD is putting it out there that he works part time and doesnt elaborate on what it is that he does, or that he makes a decent living wage on only part time work. If I were meeting him, I would immediately get a picture in my mind of a guy sitting around his house, playing video games all day, or half assed thinking he will be a famous rock start some day, lol! Someone who really doesnt care to work. Maybe that isnt fair, but it is what it is. On the other hand, if a man tells me that he only has to work part time because his job as a (insert cool job here) keeps him financially secure enough that he can make in half the time what other people work 40+ for, then THAT would impress the hell out of me. Shows initiative and hard work, in my opinion.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Here's the thing with me. 
If a guy asks me about my finances and we're dating, I'll tell him it doesn't matter because they will never be combined, and that whatever I agree to do with him I can pay my own way, although I have no problem with taking turns picking up the tab or receiving or giving gifts.
So, I don't think there needs to be any discussion of finances in depth or detail. I can tell a guy I have good credit, my bills are paid, I'm not in debt, etc. Beyond that, if we are never to combine finances, why would he need to know?
There are boundaries and I don't think that RD is tricking women or deceiving them, financial boundaries are important in dating. 
Finances can come and go, people should be judged for other things. The only thing that matters with finances is: are they legal? Are they sufficient? Do they seem to be legal and sufficient on a regular basis and show signs of continuing to be so in the future?
That's it. Beyond that is ridiculous.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> The thing is that RD is putting it out there that he works part time and doesnt elaborate on what it is that he does, or that he makes a decent living wage on only part time work. If I were meeting him, I would immediately get a picture in my mind of a guy sitting around his house, playing video games all day, or half assed thinking he will be a famous rock start some day, lol! Someone who really doesnt care to work. Maybe that isnt fair, but it is what it is. On the other hand, if a man tells me that he only has to work part time because his job as a (insert cool job here) keeps him financially secure enough that he can make in half the time what other people work 40+ for, then THAT would impress the hell out of me. Shows initiative and hard work, in my opinion.


It sounds as though you are projecting your fears and imagination of your fears and loathings onto others. 

Maybe you haven't had enough experience with how people come by their dollars because you are committed in thought and habit to your own method of gaining cash necessary for your survival. 

Whatever the reason, you are projecting your fear onto a situation that does not even exist. 

Is the reality that RD does what you imagine a part time employed guy does? 

Is the reality that I do what you imagine a part time worker does?

Where is the reality? Where are your thoughts?

Sure there are some like what you say, but there is plenty of other realities besides the image that first comes in your head.

If you got to know some people / men who work part time it's likely that your mental image would change.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> A lot of people seem to stall showing you a pic and sometimes you might be talking a few days and they'll still dodge it. And then finally , they show you one and they're so far off your thing, you've wasted all that time.


Haha. Yeah!



whitehawk said:


> The deed , having to tell someone your not interested . l just find it really hard sometimes .


Rip it off like a bandaid.



3Xnocharm said:


> The thing is that RD is putting it out there that he works part time and doesnt elaborate on what it is that he does, or that he makes a decent living wage on only part time work. If I were meeting him, I would immediately get a picture in my mind of a guy sitting around his house, playing video games all day, or half assed thinking he will be a famous rock start some day, lol! Someone who really doesnt care to work. Maybe that isnt fair, but it is what it is.


I would feel/think the same way, too.

Also, I would be pissed to learn that he was purposely lying to me and trying to make himself come off as something he actually isn't, which is exactly what he is doing and why he does it. He has explained this a million times: the tests he gives women so that they think he is much less better off financially so that he can know they aren't "golddigers." It's the entire point of why he does it and purposefully omits things/tries to come off as something different. It's his M.O.

Because that's what it is really; he tries to make them think he is something else entirely, to game them, so that they don't think he is ok financially. That is manipulating. And it serves him, not them. 

That's a lot of manipulation to go through in cases where you just want to bang someone, IMO.


----------



## Arendt

Guatemalan texted me good morning like I did yesterday...then just now sent a thing...she's been researching veganism (she's not) because of our discussion the other day. 

whitehawk: I pass by any profile that has no photo. I assume the person does not have enough confidence in themselves to show people what they look like. No attractive. 

The pets thing: I like to see a photo of somebody's cat or dog. I don't mind it. When their profile is full of those it is odd though. I love animals. I am not sure guys should do that...would, in my view, make me look wierd. With women, it can make them look kind of hot if they have a dog or something. But yeah, too many and it is a turn-off. Get a life. And I say that as an animal rights activist of sorts.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't mind a picture of a guy with his dog. That's cute. When the profile IS a picture of a chihuahua and nothing else, NEXT.

Yes:










No:


----------



## movealong

Single best line I have read on a woman's profile:

"This online dating thing makes me nervous, so don't think for a moment that I won't jack you up if you try to kill me!"

LMAO!!!


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> Single best line I have read on a woman's profile:
> 
> "This online dating thing makes me nervous, so don't think for a moment that I won't jack you up if you try to kill me!"
> 
> LMAO!!!


My favorite: "We will probably get into verbal and physical assaults if you are a Republican because you are retarded and warped." I tried to get her to go out...that was hilarious. NO go though. Probably a good thing.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok I do love that one, Arendt.


----------



## jpr

About the profile pic thing...

I was always nervous about that. ...that is one of the reasons I was never on Match for more than a week at a time.

I am a teacher, and I just felt uncomfortable with my picture being plastered on an internet dating site. I was afraid that one of my students would find it....and do something evil with it.

In fact, my profile picture was of me wearing a baseball hat, because I was paranoid about being recognized. 

I was constantly hiding my profile because of my fear of being 'discovered'. 

...I know, I know. I have issues.  ....


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Here's the thing with me.
> If a guy asks me about my finances and we're dating, I'll tell him it doesn't matter because they will never be combined, and that whatever I agree to do with him I can pay my own way, although I have no problem with taking turns picking up the tab or receiving or giving gifts.
> So, I don't think there needs to be any discussion of finances in depth or detail. I can tell a guy I have good credit, my bills are paid, I'm not in debt, etc. Beyond that, if we are never to combine finances, why would he need to know?
> There are boundaries and I don't think that RD is tricking women or deceiving them, *financial boundaries are important in dating*.
> Finances can come and go, people should be judged for other things. The only thing that matters with finances is: are they legal? Are they sufficient? Do they seem to be legal and sufficient on a regular basis and show signs of continuing to be so in the future?
> That's it. Beyond that is ridiculous.


I agree with this, I will not share finances with any potential partners. I will not discuss finances with them either. They will need to show me they are finantially responsible before I discuss my finances with them.


----------



## ne9907

I am very angry today, any exercises to get rid of this anger???


----------



## jpr

ne9907 said:


> I agree with this, I will not share finances with any potential partners. I will not discuss finances with them either. They will need to show me they are finantially responsible before I discuss my finances with them.


As someone who is in a serious relationship with someone right now...there comes a time when I think you have to discuss finances. --if you are looking to live together and share expenses. Sure, maybe you don't want to ever combine expenses again...but, if you get to a point where you will be sharing expenses, it is important to be informed. Even if you are just planning on going on a trip together--you are going to have to share expenses in some form at some point in time.

...you need to be financially compatible. If I am going to be honest, it bothered me a lot at first that my boyfriend had a lot of money in student loans. I didn't want to pry into his business, but there came a point where we were getting pretty serious, and I wanted to know what I was getting into. We had frank discussion about how much he owes and how he plans on paying them off, etc. 



If you are going to share a significant portion of your life with someone else, I don't think there is a way you can avoid the financial talk. How someone views their career...how they spend their money...how they pay their bills...etc. These things tell you a lot about someone's values and personality. 

Sure, everyone has a story...and there are always reasons for why someone may be in debt---or may only be working part time. But, if you are intentionally withhold your story in order to "test" your potential partner....I don't know...:scratchhead:...that just sounds a little shady to be. I don't think I would appreciate that very much. It would be a major turn off. 

It is just a very inauthentic way to start a relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am very angry today, any exercises to get rid of this anger???


45-60 minutes of cardio always soften me up.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I am very angry today, any exercises to get rid of this anger???


watch this ?

The Lonely Island - Great Day - YouTube


----------



## Brokenman85

Well if anyone cares, I thought I would give an update on my situation. So the woman I dated a couple of of times and hit it off with has vanished. 

We were texting steady for a week and went out twice but since then, she has stopped responding to me. I really don't get it. We really seemed to hit it off. 

I keep replaying the situation in my head and I can't figure out what happened. It's really bothering me because she is the first woman I have dated since my separation that I saw potential for long term.

So now I feel just like complete crap and worse than before.
I'm dealing with the divorce, plus the rejection from her, and now my Grandmother is about to die. I just can't seem to catch a freakin' break


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry about Grandma.  Spend time with her if you can. Ask her about her youth/stories, your grandpa/family. Cherish those and take them with you into the future.

Re: Ghost lady - don't you just HATE when that happens?!



Brokenman85 said:


> So the woman I dated a couple of of times and hit it off with has vanished.
> 
> We were texting steady for a week and went out twice but since then, she has stopped responding to me. I really don't get it. We really seemed to hit it off.


Do not message her again. She is purposely blowing you off. Especially if you reached out more than once. Don't do it again.

Two dates? Easy peasy. She's not into you. Which frees you up for all the hot chicks that are.


----------



## Brokenman85

Jellybeans said:


> Do not message her again. She is purposely blowing you off. Especially if you reached out more than once. Don't do it again.
> 
> Two dates? Easy peasy. She's not into you.


I don't intend to message her again. It just seems weird since everything _seemed_ to be going well. Some woman are just impossible to read...whatever I'm done even trying for awhile.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah I know the feeling. Happened to me not too long ago, too. Except we were five dates in. I was sad. But ya know what, someone else will appreciate these jellybeans!

My dating rules are simple: if someone doesn't respond to your phone/text once, twice, do not reach out to thema gain.

I think it was evolver who experienced something similar. And he made a case that he just really wanted to know cause he was all confused, so he did it a third time... and she essentially blew him off again or told him something like "Oh well I am willing to go out with some day to see..." like he was a charity case she was doing good for. Whatevs. I hope he never contacted her again.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I am very angry today, any exercises to get rid of this anger???


Go bicycling, watch some Adam Sandler movies.
Knit.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

jpr said:


> As someone who is in a serious relationship with someone right now...there comes a time when I think you have to discuss finances. --if you are looking to live together and share expenses. Sure, maybe you don't want to ever combine expenses again...but, if you get to a point where you will be sharing expenses, it is important to be informed. Even if you are just planning on going on a trip together--you are going to have to share expenses in some form at some point in time.
> 
> ...you need to be financially compatible. If I am going to be honest, it bothered me a lot at first that my boyfriend had a lot of money in student loans. I didn't want to pry into his business, but there came a point where we were getting pretty serious, and I wanted to know what I was getting into. We had frank discussion about how much he owes and how he plans on paying them off, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> If you are going to share a significant portion of your life with someone else, I don't think there is a way you can avoid the financial talk. How someone views their career...how they spend their money...how they pay their bills...etc. These things tell you a lot about someone's values and personality.
> 
> Sure, everyone has a story...and there are always reasons for why someone may be in debt---or may only be working part time. But, if you are intentionally withhold your story in order to "test" your potential partner....I don't know...:scratchhead:...that just sounds a little shady to be. I don't think I would appreciate that very much. It would be a major turn off.
> 
> It is just a very inauthentic way to start a relationship.


This is what a credit report is for. 
And there is no way you should be moving in with someone without checking their credit. They can TELL you anything, but it's their credit report you would want to see, as would be the case with ALL roommates or business partners, on a regular basis, i.e. when renewing leases or contracts, not just romantic partners. As with any roommate or co-owner you should make sure they are going to be held legally accountable for their share of the rent or mortgage etc. The credit report and them passing income test with bank or landlord is sufficient.

As for being able to afford to pay their way on trips by the time you move in with someone, I think you would be able to tell if they pay their way. 

It's called risk management, and it occurs on an ongoing basis. How many people on this forum have posted about their spouses racking up debt? Well, subscribe to a credit report service and get monthly updates!!!! It's their own d*mn fault that happened. 

You can do all the financial vetting you want before committing to a relationship, but it doesn't stop there. So MORE information at a given point in time does not make what happens after more manageable or not. If anything, it sends a message to the partner that you have standards that are not just ONE POINT IN TIME or if he/she can fake it for 6-12 months then he/she is "in" you are sending a message that you have certain standards that are ongoing, and a valid method of monitoring long term (credit check every time renewing lease...or every time refinancing....) 

Keeping separate finances and accounting also makes it easier in a divorce...if you are into marriage in the first place. This sends a message that you can't/won't be taken to the cleaners, that marriage is not an income-producing activity but a lifestyle choice.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> watch this ?
> 
> The Lonely Island - Great Day - YouTube


Absolutely hillarious! 



Brokenman85 said:


> Well if anyone cares, I thought I would give an update on my situation. So the woman I dated a couple of of times and hit it off with has vanished.
> 
> We were texting steady for a week and went out twice but since then, she has stopped responding to me. I really don't get it. We really seemed to hit it off.
> 
> I keep replaying the situation in my head and I can't figure out what happened. It's really bothering me because she is the first woman I have dated since my separation that I saw potential for long term.
> 
> So now I feel just like complete crap and worse than before.
> I'm dealing with the divorce, plus the rejection from her, and now my Grandmother is about to die. I just can't seem to catch a freakin' break


Some of us would rather not communicate our desire to stop a relationship.
Take it with a grain of salt, she is not into you, she was just a rebound for you. You will eventually find someone new who will reciprocate your feelings. Do not obsses with her, she is old news.


----------



## moxy

Broken man -- that sucks. Disappointment is bad enough, but ignoring someone's texts and not even bothering to say "I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling a connection" is cowardly and lame. It's one thing to stop initiating conversation, something else entirely to demonstrate poor social skills. Even though you felt that you had something special with her, it's apparent that she doesn't have the kind of communication skills to have been worth more of your investment in some future potential. At least it ended early.

Don't let this rejection get you down. It's like trying on a pair if pants: you really liked 'em but they didn't fit the way you'd hoped. So, try another because pants-less living isn't always going to be what you want for yourself. 

I'm sorry about your gran. Go say your goodbyes and say the things that matter. We all leave this life, but it's better when we can do so with loving kindness from people who matter to us.


----------



## moxy

It's easy to get swept away in romance, but reality does creep in to the image sometimes. There are times when I think "OMG I love this guy" and then there are other times when I think "I don't know how to contextualize that, so I am endeared from afar. But, um, maybe we can get freaky later?" There are worlds of difference between our in-person interactions and our text-rapport. We have different relationships to words. In person, he is open, warm, forthcoming. In text...he's more like a telegram: purposeful, brief, fond of txt-speak. I'm not used to the strong silent type bc my exes have all been very communicative. When we first started talking, he deliberately paid attention to his punctuation and language, he told me. It was cute. As time has progressed, that's lapsed. I'm having fun with him and I want more fun. I'm okay with what we have, but I find that I'm wishing for a little more from him, too. I won't ask, though. It's not going to destroy me if things don't change. I did text him. We chatted a bit. He said he missed living here; I admit, I miss that, too. So much change in his life and I don't want to be a pest. For so long after exh I had shut down my feelings; I'm surprised that I am indulging them, now. Perhaps I'm getting over my heartache.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Absolutely hillarious!


 Well lets get you some more medicine.

Justin Timberlake on SNL is pee your pants funny:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1402

Motherlover (feat. Justin Timberlake) - YouTube

Watch them in order.


----------



## moxy

Arendt, that is hilarious!!!


----------



## ne9907

Btw Moxy, i added more pics


----------



## Brokenman85

moxy said:


> Broken man -- that sucks. Disappointment is bad enough, but ignoring someone's texts and not even bothering to say "I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling a connection" is cowardly and lame. It's one thing to stop initiating conversation, something else entirely to demonstrate poor social skills. Even though you felt that you had something special with her, it's apparent that she doesn't have the kind of communication skills to have been worth more of your investment in some future potential. At least it ended early.
> 
> Don't let this rejection get you down. It's like trying on a pair if pants: you really liked 'em but they didn't fit the way you'd hoped. So, try another because pants-less living isn't always going to be what you want for yourself.
> 
> I'm sorry about your gran. Go say your goodbyes and say the things that matter. We all leave this life, but it's better when we can do so with loving kindness from people who matter to us.


Thank you for this post. It made me feel a little better about the whole situation. Very well worded.


----------



## Garry2012

Brokenman85 said:


> I don't intend to message her again. It just seems weird since everything _seemed_ to be going well. Some woman are just impossible to read...whatever I'm done even trying for awhile.


That has been my experience. In the new texting world, the lack of response means, for whatever reason, she is out. Don't let it get to you...I have had it several time myself. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I asked a girl out, she didnt respond for about 24 hours, so I just said, "hey..it was nice talking to you...I wish you the best!" She was shocked that I was "so ready to say goodbye", but really...that is the way it is these days....especially with online dating. I clicked with a couple on the phone and with dates, then they dissapear. Could be issues they are dealing with too....keep your chin up and keep swimming!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Well lets get you some more medicine.
> 
> Justin Timberlake on SNL is pee your pants funny:
> 
> http://www.hulu.com/watch/1402
> 
> Motherlover (feat. Justin Timberlake) - YouTube
> 
> Watch them in order.


The funniest one I have seen was the Barry Gibb talk show with JT and Jimmy Falon


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Well lets get you some more medicine.
> 
> Justin Timberlake on SNL is pee your pants funny:
> 
> http://www.hulu.com/watch/1402
> 
> Motherlover (feat. Justin Timberlake) - YouTube
> 
> Watch them in order.


my internet provider blocked them 

Will have to wait till this weekend.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I am not sure why you make these possible FWB's go through all these hoops or only tell them half-truths. The fact is, you're not looking for a relationship at all so I'm not sure why you even compare them to your still-not-ex-wife (when are you divorcing, by the way)?, who was there when you had nothing.
> 
> Apples and oranges.


Wait what? Actually my FWBs know everything, it's the women who I actually DATE / consider potential LTR-material that I tell half-truths to see if they can persist past my little act lol. FWBs I don't care, there's no future in it, they don't threaten to rob me - so no need for any anti-materialism test!



> I mean, I guess it's up to you if you don't want to tell them everything about your job/career/financial situation, but I'm confused as to why the comparisons the ex-wife always come up, or why you give them little sh*t tests to see if they will pass and aren't trying to use you for your money, when you have made it clear you are NOT looking for a relationship. SO even if, say, they were golddiggers (or not), why does it matter? You are not looking to lay down roots with them. You are just looking for a quick shag. "Bye" as they leave in the morning is all you have to say. It's not like you're looking to buy houses together or plan an expensive wedding or invest in financial plans with them.


When I first meet a woman within the first few seconds I consider her:
1) Friend material
2) FWB material
3) Date material

If she's unlucky enough to be number 3 - then she will have to go through my little test to weed out the gold-diggers :rofl:

The other two types I have no reason to hide my finances from them, but at the same time due to my transparency I can never trust them enough to date them -> You see, put it this way, lets say my FWB falls in love and somehow brews a love potion and makes me fall in love with her overnight, I'll still dump her - because she knows too much and I can't trust her the same way that ex earned my trust.

It'll always be a lingering thought, what if she's just in it for security/wealth/etc. The same problem that I had with prior dates too - I could never trust them. Main reason why I adopted this little test as it's the only way for them to earn it.

Besides it's not like I didn't find women who passed - at least initially, a recent one did eventually decide however that she can't invest emotionally while I'm still married. Which is another issue, so meh.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Wait what? Actually my FWBs know everything, it's the women who I actually DATE / consider potential LTR-material that I tell half-truths to see if they can persist past my little act lol. FWBs I don't care, there's no future in it, they don't threaten to rob me - so no need for any anti-materialism test!
> 
> 
> 
> When I first meet a woman within the first few seconds I consider her:
> 1) Friend material
> 2) FWB material
> 3) Date material
> 
> If she's unlucky enough to be number 3 - then she will have to go through my little test to weed out the gold-diggers :rofl:
> 
> The other two types I have no reason to hide my finances from them, but at the same time due to my transparency I can never trust them enough to date them -> You see, put it this way, lets say my FWB falls in love and somehow brews a love potion and makes me fall in love with her overnight, I'll still dump her - because she knows too much and I can't trust her the same way that ex earned my trust.
> 
> It'll always be a lingering thought, what if she's just in it for security/wealth/etc. The same problem that I had with prior dates too - I could never trust them. Main reason why I adopted this little test as it's the only way for them to earn it.
> 
> Besides it's not like I did find women who didn't care, but a recent one did eventually decide that she can't invest emotionally while I'm still married. Which is another issue, so meh.


haha
Your life is too complicated! 

Shall I post more songs for you? I think I shall!!!

The Foundations - Build Me Up Buttercup - YouTube

I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) By Four Tops Lyrics - YouTube

Happy Together - Turtles - YouTube

Don't Go Breaking My Heart Lyrics - YouTube

hopefully these sappy, romantic songs will uncomplicate your life a little.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree: with all of this.
> 
> RD, I wonder, if you went out with a woman who told you she only works part-time and purposely ommited the fact that she is financially ok, if you would think she was a golddigger/slacker.
> 
> See?


What? Quite frankly I wouldn't care! I don't see how one would be a gold-digger if she works part-time and as for a slacker I would consider her lifestyle choices rather than her finances. Quite frankly I can't give two sh-ts what a woman makes!



ne9907 said:


> haha
> Your life is too complicated!
> 
> Shall I post more songs for you? I think I shall!!!
> 
> The Foundations - Build Me Up Buttercup - YouTube
> 
> I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) By Four Tops Lyrics - YouTube
> 
> Happy Together - Turtles - YouTube
> 
> Don't Go Breaking My Heart Lyrics - YouTube
> 
> hopefully these sappy, romantic songs will uncomplicate your life a little.


Errr thanks but no thanks! Think I learnt my lesson the last time! I think I'm lovesick enough without those sappy songs to make me even more! Bah! >.<


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Wait what? Actually my FWBs know everything, it's the women who I actually DATE / consider potential LTR-material that I tell half-truths to see if they can persist past my little act lol. FWBs I don't care, there's no future in it, they don't threaten to rob me - so no need for any anti-materialism test!
> 
> 
> 
> When I first meet a woman within the first few seconds I consider her:
> 1) Friend material
> 2) FWB material
> 3) Date material
> 
> If she's unlucky enough to be number 3 - then she will have to go through my little test to weed out the gold-diggers :rofl:
> 
> The other two types I have no reason to hide my finances from them, but at the same time due to my transparency I can never trust them enough to date them -> You see, put it this way, lets say my FWB falls in love and somehow brews a love potion and makes me fall in love with her overnight, I'll still dump her - because she knows too much and I can't trust her the same way that ex earned my trust.
> 
> It'll always be a lingering thought, what if she's just in it for security/wealth/etc. The same problem that I had with prior dates too - I could never trust them. Main reason why I adopted this little test as *it's the only way for them to earn it.*
> 
> Besides it's not like I didn't find women who passed - at least initially, a recent one did eventually decide however that she can't invest emotionally while I'm still married. Which is another issue, so meh.


Women have to EARN dates with you?? Ugh.


----------



## BaxJanson

I don't know - it strikes me as having the same problem the PUA's have. She's dating a person who isn't you. What do you do when you find a great lady who likes you as you are? Do you then reveal that you're actually not this super-easy going guy, but capable of great drive and ambition - that'd be a heck of a shock to discover out of the blue.

Seems to me there must be a way to present yourself honestly - as an entrepreneur so successful that you support yourself without needing to put in a lot of time. Likewise a way to find a girl not enamored with money without pretending like you don't have any.

You use games and tactics to find a woman you like, you're going to draw nothing but women who play games and fall prey to tactics.


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> Women have to EARN dates with you?? Ugh.


The fk? Since when did I say that? 

Women - along with anyone else has to earn my *TRUST* in them. Not dates, sheesh!


----------



## RandomDude

BaxJanson said:


> I don't know - it strikes me as having the same problem the PUA's have. She's dating a person who isn't you. What do you do when you find a great lady who likes you as you are? Do you then reveal that you're actually not this super-easy going guy, but capable of great drive and ambition - that'd be a heck of a shock to discover out of the blue.


Why would it be such a shock? Simply because one is capable of ambition doesn't necessarily mean he can't be easy-going!

I'm very grounded and down to earth when I deal with people and that's WHO I AM, why do I have to bring my financial portfolio into the picture when it SHOULDN'T MATTER?



> Seems to me there must be a way to present yourself honestly - as an entrepreneur so successful that you support yourself without needing to put in a lot of time. Likewise a way to find a girl not enamored with money without pretending like you don't have any.
> 
> You use games and tactics to find a woman you like, you're going to draw nothing but women who play games and fall prey to tactics.


The only game I'm playing is not revealing my finances, simple. Heck I don't even lie! I just let them assume!


----------



## whitehawk

It's really common from people on my site for the girls to just stop texting or calling or just disappear .

That's why now if l'm not interested , instead of making a fuss and doing the deed l just stop unless it was someone really special.
What's good for the goose you know .

Weird on my site to , get lots of girls emailing me saying they like my prof and asking to chat . But very often when l go to accept they aren't even there anymore or they've closed their thing . Dunno wtf all that's about.
Scam emails from the company maybe , fakes , just to keep you in , [email protected] me .


----------



## moxy

I feel kinda silly asking friends to take full length photos of me that I can post on my profile, but I feel equally stupid posting those such photos that I've taken with my web-cam. I guess that at least the ones taken with web-cam are blatant or honest because they are generally never flattering or artful.  Anyway, I posted a few in my album that I am thinking of using for my profile. Gotta say, this whole concept of photos makes me feel a little self-conscious -- not about myself, but about the poor quality of my photography skills! lol.

An older guy asked me out on my site today. He's German and seems really nice. Very pretty mouth. He wants to have coffee when he comes back to the States. Coffee can't hurt, right? I'm hanging out at a cafe today grading exams and hoping that Guy will ask me out tonight at some point before the cafe closes and I decide to go home to sleep. Yes, I am officially pathetic. Is there a Facepalm Headshakey Smiley? There should be; it would be my mascot.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I feel kinda silly asking friends to take full length photos of me that I can post on my profile, but I feel equally stupid posting those such photos that I've taken with my web-cam. I guess that at least the ones taken with web-cam are blatant or honest because they are generally never flattering or artful.  Anyway, I posted a few in my album that I am thinking of using for my profile. Gotta say, this whole concept of photos makes me feel a little self-conscious -- not about myself, but about the poor quality of my photography skills! lol.
> 
> 
> Yeah it is , it's very nerve racking all this photo stuff.
> You can often put them on private though to, l do that with mine . So only people l contact can see them. One l am a private person so putting [email protected] out there all over the net ain't my thing but my daughter and her friends are all over the net too and it'd be just my luck they find me - now that one l'd never live down
> 
> Hey mox , just use the timer on your camera , that's what l did . Lined it up , set and then just went and did stuff while it took the pics . Got a couple of alrighters.
> No way l'm asking friends but l did get my daughter to take a few but she smelt a rat and started stirring me - no women's worth that :rofl: . Ok , l'm going timer


----------



## Arendt

I put some art in a private folder here that "friends" or whatever they are called on here can see...


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> It's really common from people on my site for the girls to just stop texting or calling or just disappear .
> 
> That's why now if l'm not interested , instead of making a fuss and doing the deed l just stop unless it was someone really special.
> What's good for the goose you know .


Ey? It's the norm! In RL too unless you guys share a social circle. Just how it is!


----------



## RandomDude

Anyways guys, truth be told I actually welcome your criticism in terms of my little test and although I can be a stubborn debater I'm still waiting for someone to convince me of an alternative!

Besides I've already noticed how much different it was prior to the test, most women didn't give two sh-ts about my seperated status + daughter, guess the financial benefits outweighed my marital status and fatherhood! But when holding back the aces I'm on a much more level playing field!

So no more this:


----------



## whitehawk

Pretty well says it all right there then doesn't it. And l mean if she's doing very well do you think she's going to be flashing it around a new date , not a hope in hell.

Personally l don't see your angle as much of a biggie. Not like it's gonna be bad news later if it does go somewhere or your conning someone that your some big shot when your really just a bum on the street. :rofl: .
l mean bc it's your work it does involve a few little white ones but eh or the odd bigger one , actually it's quite tricky but eh it's for your own protection.
l spose the only other way is just leaving out anything to do with higher income , maybe the companies just scraping by , lots are , don't throw any cash around , dunno.

l've got some very wealthy people in my family and they're as guarded as all fk worrying about getting used up.
Seems to go with the territory .


----------



## poppyseed

Garry2012 said:


> That has been my experience. In the new texting world, the lack of response means, for whatever reason, she is out. Don't let it get to you...I have had it several time myself. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I asked a girl out, she didnt respond for about 24 hours, so I just said, "hey..it was nice talking to you...I wish you the best!" She was shocked that I was "so ready to say goodbye", but really...that is the way it is these days....especially with online dating. I clicked with a couple on the phone and with dates, then they dissapear. Could be issues they are dealing with too....keep your chin up and keep swimming!!!!


That's possibly because (in my own experience) some men try to cling on despite the clear "thanks but no thanks" and try to persuade you to continue dating even after one makes it very clear, "no further interest" (politely worded).. Some men don't take "no" as "no" and keep insisting on seeing again. So going quiet on someone is probably a much favoured method after a while..Just my £0.02..


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> The fk? Since when did I say that?
> 
> Women - along with anyone else has to earn my *TRUST* in them. Not dates, sheesh!


I think not divulging your financial situation is fine. I do think you mislead them though. Why not just say that you are an entrepreneur (or have your own business) and leave it at that? for me, there is NO discussion of finances for a very long time, maybe serious LTR time. Anyone that asks a lot of questions on success, numbers etc., sends up a red flag for me. When you are dating, just saying ''I am doing ok" or something similar and non-specific is fine. You are going to have to take a risk at some point, if you want an LTR. 

What bugs me more (and lots of people here do it) is your insistence of putting educated women in a box of pretention and snobbiness.


----------



## RandomDude

I never said I found educated women snobs, just that I wonder what it would be like to date a PhD while I didn't finish high school lol

As for telling my dates what I do for a living, that's just going to lead to more questions and there's only so much I can omit! as for taking a risk, meh... the questions can be come across as innocent enough but can still hide an ulterior motive! "im only curious"... pffft

anyways if such questions should raise red flags then every single women I dated must have been after my money lol - those that knew anyway
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## movealong

I have avoided going to any high school reunions since I got out of high school. But today i am actually going to go to one of the functions for our 30th reunion. Our class was over 800 people, so there might be one or two that are not still a-holes or drama queens, lol! I am not attending the big soir'ee tonight, I just don't see the purpose in spending $200 to see people I forgot about over the last 30 years, lol! Today's event is free to attend, and it will be the only thing I go to.


----------



## poppyseed

3Xnocharm said:


> Women have to EARN dates with you?? Ugh.


:iagree: I do get the similar impression.."nobody is good enough for me, women are all gold diggers".


----------



## poppyseed

BaxJanson said:


> You use games and tactics to find a woman you like, you're going to draw nothing but women who play games and fall prey to tactics.


I agree with you. If there's a major trust issue, no point of dating how many women, he will always find some "flaws" in all women he goes out with, anyway. 

In some ways, there's a mixture of hidden narcissism paranoia and grandiosity in this type of behaviour? Psychologists seem to think all human behavioural oddities are deep rooted in childhood.


----------



## ne9907

Easy lazy Saturday morning, time to watch the last seven episodes of House of Cards...


----------



## Arendt

I had a wonderful time today. Guatemalan lady and I went for a 3 mile run at 8am, which was fun. Then we had vegan brunch at a local restaurant. We then went to a park and sat, walked and talked as we looked over the lake and such things till 3:30pm. 

We are going out again on Tuesday night, dinner and a movie.

She's really fun and sweet. 

She has two kids, that is the only rub. And I don't want kids of my own (she can't have more). But one of the reasons I would normally pass over women with children is because I spent the last three years watching single mothers around my apartment complex and they were miserable. Often treated their kids badly. She's not that way. So I might be able to handle it. I have to give that some thought. I'm open, but it is a thing I have to think about more.

But for now, we get along great. Over 8 hours today just talking. She is divorced bu tI listened carefully to how she talks about it and what she learned and she knows where she had issues and she has made moves to correct them since her divorce a while ago now. So we are on the same page...we learned form divorce to become stronger.

Anyway, nobody is perfect, but I like her...wouldn't have spent 8 hours with her if I didn't.


----------



## ne9907

I love music, for you and Guatemalan lady 

Blue Swede - Hooked On A Feeling - YouTube


----------



## Fenix

Arendt said:


> I had a wonderful time today. Guatemalan lady and I went for a 3 mile run at 8am, which was fun. Then we had vegan brunch at a local restaurant. We then went to a park and sat, walked and talked as we looked over the lake and such things till 3:30pm.
> 
> We are going out again on Tuesday night, dinner and a movie.
> 
> She's really fun and sweet.
> 
> She has two kids, that is the only rub. And I don't want kids of my own (she can't have more). But one of the reasons I would normally pass over women with children is because I spent the last three years watching single mothers around my apartment complex and they were miserable. Often treated their kids badly. She's not that way. So I might be able to handle it. I have to give that some thought. I'm open, but it is a thing I have to think about more.
> 
> But for now, we get along great. Over 8 hours today just talking. She is divorced bu tI listened carefully to how she talks about it and what she learned and she knows where she had issues and she has made moves to correct them since her divorce a while ago now. So we are on the same page...we learned form divorce to become stronger.
> 
> Anyway, nobody is perfect, but I like her...wouldn't have spent 8 hours with her if I didn't.


You have plenty of time to figure out how you feel about being with someone who has kids. There shouldn't be any meeting for a very, very long time. How old are the kids?


----------



## unsure78

Arendt said:


> I had a wonderful time today. Guatemalan lady and I went for a 3 mile run at 8am, which was fun. Then we had vegan brunch at a local restaurant. We then went to a park and sat, walked and talked as we looked over the lake and such things till 3:30pm.
> 
> We are going out again on Tuesday night, dinner and a movie.
> 
> She's really fun and sweet.
> 
> She has two kids, that is the only rub. And I don't want kids of my own (she can't have more). But one of the reasons I would normally pass over women with children is because I spent the last three years watching single mothers around my apartment complex and they were miserable. Often treated their kids badly. She's not that way. So I might be able to handle it. I have to give that some thought. I'm open, but it is a thing I have to think about more.
> 
> But for now, we get along great. Over 8 hours today just talking. She is divorced bu tI listened carefully to how she talks about it and what she learned and she knows where she had issues and she has made moves to correct them since her divorce a while ago now. So we are on the same page...we learned form divorce to become stronger.
> 
> Anyway, nobody is perfect, but I like her...wouldn't have spent 8 hours with her if I didn't.


Glad you had a good time  shes your first date post D, right? Just be aware of that fact dont get to swept up. 8 hrs of time together is soooo not enough time to judge how she is as a mom or anything much for that matter...it takes a fair amount of time together, 6 month a year, to see the real person.... oh and agree with fenix dont involve yourself with the kids for a long while.... 

But enjoy the excitement of someone new, its always fun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Arendt

unsure78 said:


> Glad you had a good time  shes your first date post D, right? Just be aware of that fact dont get to swept up. 8 hrs of time together is soooo not enough time to judge how she is as a mom or anything much for that matter...it takes a fair amount of time together, 6 month a year, to see the real person.... oh and agree with fenix dont involve yourself with the kids for a long while....
> 
> But enjoy the excitement of someone new, its always fun
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Definitely. I wouldn't want to meet any kids for quite a long time...months and months of dating to see how she is first.

Thing is, I could see dating her that long to actually find out. Not many red flags going off for me coming from her. I read the dating red flags thread here to see what to watch out for. She's not escalating this or anything. Neither am I. I don't get clingy vibes from her. Etc. But its too early. 

I plan to keep asking other women out for now till she and i have went out longer. Seeing a woman tomorrow morning and then another on Monday evening in fact (This city has been good to me!). I won't sleep with any of them if I am into this other woman though. I don't do that. Hell, I won't make moves on her till I feel I know her much better either. Just the way I have to have it.


----------



## unsure78

Arendt said:


> Definitely. I wouldn't want to meet any kids for quite a long time...months and months of dating to see how she is first.
> 
> Thing is, I could see dating her that long to actually find out. Not many red flags going off for me coming from her. I read the dating red flags thread here to see what to watch out for. She's not escalating this or anything. Neither am I. I don't get clingy vibes from her. Etc. But its too early.
> 
> I plan to keep asking other women out for now till she and i have went out longer. Seeing a woman tomorrow morning and then another on Monday evening in fact (This city has been good to me!). I won't sleep with any of them if I am into this other woman though. I don't do that. Hell, I won't make moves on her till I feel I know her much better either. Just the way I have to have it.


You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

poppyseed said:


> :iagree: I do get the similar impression.."nobody is good enough for me, women are all gold diggers".


:scratchhead:

If I truly thought that then I wouldn't have continued dating several women who did in fact persist past my little act. Besides I spent years married to a NON-gold digger, so how could I ever believe that "all women are gold-diggers"


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> I put some art in a private folder here that "friends" or whatever they are called on here can see...



That's nice Ared, into nature eh . l like the king best and the way you've made up the picture with those strokes .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Pretty well says it all right there then doesn't it. And l mean if she's doing very well do you think she's going to be flashing it around a new date , not a hope in hell.
> 
> Personally l don't see your angle as much of a biggie. Not like it's gonna be bad news later if it does go somewhere or your conning someone that your some big shot when your really just a bum on the street. :rofl: .
> l mean bc it's your work it does involve a few little white ones but eh or the odd bigger one , actually it's quite tricky but eh it's for your own protection.
> l spose the only other way is just leaving out anything to do with higher income , maybe the companies just scraping by , lots are , don't throw any cash around , dunno.
> 
> l've got some very wealthy people in my family and they're as guarded as all fk worrying about getting used up.
> Seems to go with the territory .


Heh, the funny thing is I never had to worry about this in the past when I was in my early 20s while dating ex. Btw that pic was an exaggeration bro lol, I don't throw cash around! lol

The thing is though, with my current approach I don't get the inquisition on me to find out my financial worth. If I am to reveal my business then all they have to do is read my annual report discretely.

Another alternative brought up in my thread was to find a financial equal - only problem with that is that many of them have very tight schedules, and are still of "living like others won't" and not yet at the stage of "living like others can't" - if you know what I mean.

Not to mention I'm still very young, and finding a woman who's already at the stage of financial freedom around my age is extremely tough. Meh


----------



## whitehawk

l don't even see what the big deal would even be anyway in whatever type of person or whatever anyone likes or don't like. Who gives a fk who likes what , that's up to them. Makes no difference to anybody else .

Doesn't mean a persons completely closed to that should someone come along that changes something.
Me l like whatever l like and it's usually bc of very definite life experiences with certain people but so what l reckon. who cares what other people think of that.

l don't get it .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Heh, the funny thing is I never had to worry about this in the past when I was in my early 20s while dating ex. Btw that pic was an exaggeration bro lol, I don't throw cash around! lol
> 
> The thing is though, with my current approach I don't get the inquisition on me to find out my financial worth. If I am to reveal my business then all they have to do is read my annual report discretely.
> 
> Another alternative brought up in my thread was to find a financial equal - only problem with that is that many of them have very tight schedules, and are still of "living like others won't" and not yet at the stage of "living like others can't" - if you know what I mean.
> 
> Not to mention I'm still very young, and finding a woman who's already at the stage of financial freedom around my age is extremely tough. Meh



Yeah l mean if it was me l could wangle it easy , unless l was in the paper or public eye all the time or something . Damn near impossible then l'd imagine .

But explaining how l do things is another story. But l've been very private with my stuff my whole life bc l don't like people thinking they know my business so it's just something l'm good at.
Most people that know me can't figure out how l do things or live how l live. They're always poking around with little picky questions and stuff but l'm a very good skimmer and l can brush that stuff of without even thinking.
So if l had your problem in meeting new women l could easily do the same . As it is l do have to watch things in other ways until l know them a bit bc of how l work and my hours - or lack off :rofl: l know they'll judge if they don't get it.

Spose yeah , you could move in the the toffies circle but eh , are they your people , they wouldn't be mine .
Anyway , l reckon when one day you meet miss right again , it'll all just pan itself out .


----------



## ne9907

There is a full moon tonight y'all!
Go let your inner beast out~


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> There is a full moon tonight y'all!
> Go let your inner beast out~


That explains why I keep having unpure thoughts. No wait, that's normal.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> There is a full moon tonight y'all!
> 
> Go let your inner beast out~



That explains all the insanity!


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l mean if it was me l could wangle it easy , unless l was in the paper or public eye all the time or something . Damn near impossible then l'd imagine .
> 
> But explaining how l do things is another story. But l've been very private with my stuff my whole life bc l don't like people thinking they know my business so it's just something l'm good at.
> Most people that know me can't figure out how l do things or live how l live. They're always poking around with little picky questions and stuff but l'm a very good skimmer and l can brush that stuff of without even thinking.
> So if l had your problem in meeting new women l could easily do the same . As it is l do have to watch things in other ways until l know them a bit bc of how l work and my hours - or lack off :rofl: l know they'll judge if they don't get it.
> 
> Spose yeah , you could move in the the toffies circle but eh , are they your people , they wouldn't be mine .
> Anyway , l reckon when one day you meet miss right again , it'll all just pan itself out .


Heh I'm very private, my business however, isn't - which is the problem. If I had stayed small and as a sole shareholder then things might be easier nowadays but I was still struggling years ago when I could barely meet my expenses as sole provider. Not to mention my ex was complaining all the damn time.

I needed to expand and my projects required more money I simply didn't have, hence I opened for investments. Doing so, changed my business and life forever, however as a result - I have to resort to this secrecy to hide my success.


----------



## whitehawk

lifes that weird sometimes .
Totally different thing here but it reminds me of when l was an artist. 
l wanted fame so that my work could be appreciated and l'd have enough money to keep painting.
But l was scared of becoming famous . l liked being just any other person on the street , no one knowing me cept the people in your life just like anyone else.
To be able to go anywhere unnoticed still, paint anywhere with just the usual onlookers that often happen along.

l hated the thought of what life would become if l became a big name.
Just another damned if you do damned if you don't situation eh.


----------



## RandomDude

Aye! I hate the spotlight too, and also makes me wary of further expansion despite the pressure. Right now I'm just trying to keep everyone happy while keeping a lid on it. I've never been materialistic, I only did what I had to do to provide for my family. Now that ex is gone and daughter already has more than enough put aside for her I'm just doing what I have to do to keep things running so everyone else can keep their jobs and feed their own families.

Besides lets say I forfeit my little humble act, that may even lead my dates to the assumption that I AM materialistic! Which just isn't me, at work I do what I have to do, but personally I can't give two sh-ts about money. And if I didn't have the pressure of baby bells or marriage back in the day - I doubt I would have been motivated to even achieve what I achieved.

Cause in the end - my mentality is still the same even after all these years; money is nothing but a means to an end. If a woman doesn't share my mentality then we're simply not compatible! I've also talked to FWB about my little act and even she reckons most women here in my city are after the greens. It's the culture here, rat race city.

I don't live in a nice little country town where gold-diggers are a rarity, I live in the economic capital of my country where gold-diggers are the norm. To the point that many men end up having to "import" lol - or meet women from other towns/countries (which I find rather stupid, as they may not be after the greens but may be after green cards instead! lol)


----------



## vi_bride04

*peaks in to live vicariously through you guys* 

yup dating still looks like a pain in the butt


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> *peaks in to live vicariously through you guys*
> 
> yup dating still looks like a pain in the butt



Good to hear from you, vi. What's new with you?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



vi_bride04 said:


> *peaks in to live vicariously through you guys*
> 
> yup dating still looks like a pain in the butt


Ha. You've been keeping up?


----------



## Arendt

Went out with the Persian woman this morning...found out that Persian refers to teh culture and langauge, not necessarily the nationality (Iranian). She was extremely intelligent, a classical pianist, a PhD engineer, etc. From Iran and Milan Italy. She was involved in the revolution in iran a few years abck and is a Marxist of sorts who has read Marx and all sort os philosophy as well. WE could talk easily about all that stuff. 

But I am not really physically all that attractyed to her. And despite the fact that I could connect well with her about all the politics and her stories from Iran and activism were amazing, I don't know....somebody else is in my head right now. And lighting up my phone as I type 

PErsian girl and I will probably do some high culture type stuff together here and there without any romance. She's really knowledgeable about that stuff and I could learn somethings. She's not looking for a boyfriend she said, so that is good.

Anyway...I wonder if I am wasting my time meeting other people, but also think it is good...testing...making friends anyhow...

nd on the other hand...it seems to be foreign women so far that fit with me best...so maybe I'll stick to meeting with them


----------



## RandomDude

Whao now, a revolutionist? That's actually... pretty awesome! I'll be all over her lol


----------



## Arendt

yeah right! like a female Che! lol

Guatemalan teaches kickboxing and can literally scale mountains...so I'll take Cat Woman for now


----------



## RandomDude

A revolutionist and a cat woman... sheez!

How come all the ladies I've met thus far have been so bland by comparison?  Bah!


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> A revolutionist and a cat woman... sheez!


So... Either way you should ignore her and read a book?

Cat people will get the joke.:smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> *peaks in to live vicariously through you guys*
> 
> yup dating still looks like a pain in the butt


 :ulls back the curtain as well:: This is always a fun and thought provoking thread, but y'all move so dang fast! Please slow it down for those of us who move at the speed of a slightly sedated koala. 

Public Service Announcement: I'm about to go on a singles rant. Please bear with me. 

I have this annoying guy in my apt complex who thinks he is God's gift because he (somehow, miraculously) has acquired a steady gf. 

He asked me today where he should take her for happy hour, and I mentioned a few of my fav spots. I tend to go to hh 1x per week and take a book, maybe chat with whoever is sitting at the bar or one of the bartenders on duty. I work from home so it's a nice break. Sometimes I just people watch. 

The second he hears I go to these places by myself, he says "Oh, so you're one of those lonely women flirting with the bartender and trying to take him home that night? Man, I hear they find that really irritating."

I'll spare you what I told him (the cuss blocker would make it illegible anyway) but I really resent the fact that just because I like to take a book to happy hour, I'm stereotyped as a sad old maid trying to molest helpless bartenders. 

Sometimes the male bartenders will comp my drinks or tell me what days they are working and say I should come in. I'm not in dating mode so I don't flirt back but at first I thought they were doing that because I'm cute. Now I'm wondering if I reek of desperation. Am I that creeper I used to make fun of at the bar? 

Bleh. Single people can do stuff alone and it's not sad OR depressing! (so I tell myself) Looks like I might have to invest in crotchless pants and a trench coat.


----------



## Nsweet

bravenewworld said:


> *"Oh, so you're one of those lonely women flirting with the bartender and trying to take him home that night? Man, I hear they find that really irritating."*


He's using PUA tactics against you. It's a classic dis designed to put you down and get a reaction out of you, just so he can later build you back up with a few compliments and sleep with you. 

Trust me on this, I used the "Oh, you're one of those types" line enough to know when it's being used for this very purpose and the types of guys who try to pull this. 

Make no mistakes though, he will try to sleep with you too.


----------



## moxy

Brave, that guy sounds douchey and insecure. Doing stuff alone is not desperate or creepy, necessarily. Forget what he says. If you want to read a book at the bar, you should do so! It's not uncommon for people to go to bars to be alive but around others. So, that guy is just letting you know his own desperation. You don't have to own it!


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> The second he hears I go to these places by myself, he says "Oh, so you're one of those lonely women flirting with the bartender and trying to take him home that night? Man, I hear they find that really irritating."


I can't stand people like this. Ask for a suggestion and then go off on an tangent. I hope you rolled your eyes at him big time and told him off. He finally got a girlfriend and thinks he actually knows something. It's kind of pathetic. 

Ew.


----------



## RandomDude

??? How do you manage to read a book at the bar?

Unless its a lounge bar


----------



## Jellybeans

I have a friend who always read at the bar.


----------



## FeministInPink

I read in bars all the time, no problem. Somehow, the background din makes it easier to focus. When I was in school, going to a bar or a diner (not during a meal rush!) to do homework was incredibly productive, much more so than being at home or the library.

The most irritating thing is when people will come up to you and say, "How can you read in a bar?" or, "You're reading in a bar, so you're obviously smart, can you settle something for us?"

It happens a lot. Not every time, but regularly.

Personally, I prefer divey bars with lots of regulars for reading/writing/working. The beer is cheap, and the people there know me, but they also know to leave me alone.


----------



## movealong

Too much for the "What I am looking for" section of my profile?



> Most men and women are superficial. Yes, I just said that. You want a George Clooney clone? Keep looking. I am happy in my own skin and with the way I look. The question is, are you comfortable in your own skin and with the way you look? You have a pretty face? Great! If you lack the confidence to post a (appropriate) full body photo, then you lack the confidence to be with me. Marilyn Monroe and Kirsty Alley both owned their looks and bodies, you can, too.


Yea, I know it sounds kind of crass, but it seems somehow dishonest to show up to what is expected to be a well proportioned woman only to find she is overly proportioned.

Please, don't misunderstand. I prefer the Kirsty Alley and Marilyn Monroe body types, but putting an old skinny "face" picture up will only get you one date.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> He's using PUA tactics against you. It's a classic dis designed to put you down and get a reaction out of you, just so he can later build you back up with a few compliments and sleep with you.
> 
> Trust me on this, I used the "Oh, you're one of those types" line enough to know when it's being used for this very purpose and the types of guys who try to pull this.
> 
> Make no mistakes though, he will try to sleep with you too.


Agree, I have heard quite a few of these lines. I normally laughed if and turn sarcastic and nasty. A man who feels the.need to use these pathetic lines lacks confidence. 
Its life and Iwwill read a book at a bar if I want , thug life yo!


----------



## COGypsy

movealong said:


> Too much for the "What I am looking for" section of my profile?
> 
> 
> 
> Yea, I know it sounds kind of crass, but it seems somehow dishonest to show up to what is expected to be a well proportioned woman only to find she is overly proportioned.
> 
> Please, don't misunderstand. I prefer the Kirsty Alley and Marilyn Monroe body types, but putting an old skinny "face" picture up will only get you one date.


I think if that's what's in your profile, you'd better have a lot of cash or a hell of a mid-life crisis-mobile to lure dates in with. To me, that reads: "I know I'm not much to look at, but I'm only interested in model-types"

I'd keep going right by profile with a line like that and not even think twice about it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

COGypsy said:


> I think if that's what's in your profile, you'd better have a lot of cash or a hell of a mid-life crisis-mobile to lure dates in with. To me, that reads: "I know I'm not much to look at, but I'm only interested in model-types"
> *
> I'd keep going right by profile with a line like that and not even think twice about it.*


:iagree:


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Agree, I have heard quite a few of these lines. I normally laughed if and turn sarcastic and nasty. A man who feels the.need to use these pathetic lines lacks confidence.
> Its life and I will read a book at a bar if I want , thug life yo!


Lines don't work anyways. Just be yourself... That part of yourself that doesn't care about hooking up and can make women laugh without trying and just have fun. 

I like to make them laugh by teasing women about all supposedly being 120lbs, having natural hair color, never ever needing makeup, and having some weird incurable disease that makes them all 29 for until they're in their 40s. 

NE, I don't know about the other guys but if I saw you reading a book at a bar.... I'd talk to you first! Don't you wear those geek sheik glasses either. Oh, and a dress that makes me use a little imagination. Forget about it! I'd be like, _"Step aside wh*res. I'm going to talk to the classy nerdy girl over there."_


----------



## movealong

COGypsy said:


> I think if that's what's in your profile, you'd better have a lot of cash or a hell of a mid-life crisis-mobile to lure dates in with. To me, that reads: "I know I'm not much to look at, but I'm only interested in model-types"
> 
> I'd keep going right by profile with a line like that and not even think twice about it.


I guess it really doesn't translate well in text. I was trying to get across that extra weight, within reason, is okay. I am not sure how I should say it. 

To me it is similar to a guy putting up a picture from 10 years ago before the beer gut and the receding hair line. Yea, some women are going to be attracted, and he will get a date, but that date will never go further than the one time because he was deceptive. That's how I perceive the "pretty face" pictures with a "curvy" body type that wind up being a _lot _more than curvy.

Is there a polite way to say that? LOL!


----------



## COGypsy

movealong said:


> I guess it really doesn't translate well in text. I was trying to get across that extra weight, within reason, is okay. I am not sure how I should say it.
> 
> To me it is similar to a guy putting up a picture from 10 years ago before the beer gut and the receding hair line. Yea, some women are going to be attracted, and he will get a date, but that date will never go further than the one time because he was deceptive. That's how I perceive the "pretty face" pictures with a "curvy" body type that wind up being a _lot _more than curvy.
> 
> Is there a polite way to say that? LOL!


Nope, it really comes down to learning to read the subtext of dating profiles. Women and weight is like men and height. I know if I read a profile that 5'10" actually means 5'8" and that 5'8" means you'll be lucky if he comes up to your chin. It's probably slightly worse with women because it's all so subjective. The descriptor words for weight/figure don't have any concrete meaning in the first place. It would be great if there were some kind of scale like when buying tights--if you're X'Y" tall and weigh ABC# then your figure is skinny/thin/athletic/curvy/BBW. Not likely to happen though!

I would probably assume that curvy=fat on a profile. That's what I would assume anyway. Perhaps the body style you should read for is "athletic". That connotes more strength and less flubber.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Its life and Iwwill read a book at a bar if I want , thug life yo!



HASHTAG GANGSTER. LOL.



COGypsy said:


> I know if I read a profile that 5'10" actually means 5'8" and that 5'8" means *you'll be lucky if he comes up to your chin*.


:rofl:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



movealong said:


> I guess it really doesn't translate well in text. I was trying to get across that extra weight, within reason, is okay. I am not sure how I should say it.
> 
> To me it is similar to a guy putting up a picture from 10 years ago before the beer gut and the receding hair line. Yea, some women are going to be attracted, and he will get a date, but that date will never go further than the one time because he was deceptive. That's how I perceive the "pretty face" pictures with a "curvy" body type that wind up being a _lot _more than curvy.
> 
> Is there a polite way to say that? LOL!


How about say none of that and just go for ones that already have a recent picture up, since that is what you are basically requiring anyway.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



COGypsy said:


> Nope, it really comes down to learning to read the subtext of dating profiles. Women and weight is like men and height. I know if I read a profile that 5'10" actually means 5'8" and that 5'8" means you'll be lucky if he comes up to your chin. It's probably slightly worse with women because it's all so subjective. The descriptor words for weight/figure don't have any concrete meaning in the first place. It would be great if there were some kind of scale like when buying tights--if you're X'Y" tall and weigh ABC# then your figure is skinny/thin/athletic/curvy/BBW. Not likely to happen though!
> 
> I would probably assume that curvy=fat on a profile. That's what I would assume anyway. Perhaps the body style you should read for is "athletic". That connotes more strength and less flubber.


Athletic tends to mean they like to eat, they are overweight but it's not because they are lazy and don't exercise.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Too much for the "What I am looking for" section of my profile?
> 
> 
> 
> Yea, I know it sounds kind of crass, but it seems somehow dishonest to show up to what is expected to be a well proportioned woman only to find she is overly proportioned.
> 
> Please, don't misunderstand. I prefer the Kirsty Alley and Marilyn Monroe body types, but putting an old skinny "face" picture up will only get you one date.


It would turn me off because I believe that we project our own insecurities in form of writing. For example, if I write down in my profile that I HATE drama that would transtale to I actually love drama and create it whenever I feel my life is boring.

Ultimately we are all different. What turns me off, may turn someone on. Try it out, if you are not getting the responses you need, perhaps change it a bit


----------



## movealong

COGypsy said:


> Nope, it really comes down to learning to read the subtext of dating profiles. Women and weight is like men and height. I know if I read a profile that 5'10" actually means 5'8" and that 5'8" means you'll be lucky if he comes up to your chin. It's probably slightly worse with women because it's all so subjective. The descriptor words for weight/figure don't have any concrete meaning in the first place. It would be great if there were some kind of scale like when buying tights--if you're X'Y" tall and weigh ABC# then your figure is skinny/thin/athletic/curvy/BBW. Not likely to happen though!
> 
> I would probably assume that curvy=fat on a profile. That's what I would assume anyway. Perhaps the body style you should read for is "athletic". That connotes more strength and less flubber.


Hmm...I really am 5'10", so maybe I should be listing it as 6'0"? :rofl:

Well, that gives me a better idea what to read for, so thank you!!


----------



## movealong

Lon said:


> Athletic tends to mean they like to eat, they are overweight but it's not because they are lazy and don't exercise.


Thank you for the insight. I am still learning about all the online dating stuff.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Hmm...I really am 5'10", so maybe I should be listing it as 6'0"? :rofl:
> 
> Well, that gives me a better idea what to read for, so thank you!!


I am extremely short, 4'11". I always listed my real height. It did surprise me that most guys who are under 6' do not like me. Seriously, I do not like to date men above 6' but it seems most men 6' or taller are into me.....

Once again... thug life yo


----------



## Lon

ne9907 said:


> I am extremely short, 4'11". I always listed my real height. It did surprise me that most guys who are under 6' do not like me. Seriously, I do not like to date men above 6' but it seems most men 6' or taller are into me.....
> 
> Once again... thug life yo


I am precisely 5'-8.5" (and when asked I just say 5'-9") I love short women. My GF is 5'-0" (or maybe slightly less  ) and she is just the right height for me. When I was single and looking I always got ticked off that the tall guys all had the short girls, and that all of the women that I had ever dated, or even whom flirted with me, were all big and tall.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am extremely short, 4'11". I always listed my real height. It did surprise me that most guys who are under 6' do not like me. Seriously, I do not like to date men above 6' but it seems most men 6' or taller are into me.....
> 
> Once again... thug life yo


We don't like to date you shorties either. 

Something about being with really short girls just seems wrong. Like you know when you go to the circus and see the giant and his little person wife. Like that!

I will say this, every time I see a really adorable short woman part of me wants to pick her up and give her a hug.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> We don't like to date you shorties either.
> 
> Something about being with really short girls just seems wrong. Like you know when you go to the circus and see the giant and his little person wife. Like that!
> 
> I will say this, every time I see a really adorable short woman part of me wants to pick her up and give her a hug.


:rofl:
PUA? nah, definitely not coming from you!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> We don't like to date you shorties either.
> 
> Something about being with really short girls just seems wrong. Like you know when you go to the circus and see the giant and his little person wife. Like that!


This describes my parents and I think they look adorable together.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> This describes my parents and I think they look adorable together.


That is so cute and adorable 

So, blue eyes is very tall 6'3", that is one of the reasons I know it will end, oh and he is moving away.

In all seriousness, blue eyes is the best non-relationship relationship I've had since I can remember. I will miss him, and it is okay! I am not made of stone, after all


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :rofl:
> PUA? nah, definitely not coming from you!!!


If it seems that way it's unintended. It's not my fault, I was trained to tease back.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> He's using PUA tactics against you. It's a classic dis designed to put you down and get a reaction out of you, just so he can later build you back up with a few compliments and sleep with you.
> 
> Trust me on this, I used the "Oh, you're one of those types" line enough to know when it's being used for this very purpose and the types of guys who try to pull this.
> 
> Make no mistakes though, he will try to sleep with you too.


You know there's some people you just aren't attracted to, and then there's some people you REALLY aren't attracted to?

Sleep with him or set myself on fire? Pass the matches. LOL.


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> ??? How do you manage to read a book at the bar?
> 
> Unless its a lounge bar


I tend to get there early and grab a decent seat at the bar out of the "line of fire" so to speak. Once it gets busy I usually have a perfect nook to read and people watch. 

I have to say - watching social interaction when you have no skin in the game can be VERY entertaining. Last week I saw a woman there with her boyfriend who made out with like 3 other guys IN FRONT OF HIM. He shrugged it off saying "she gets like that when she's drunk." 

Personally, I felt like he had to get off on it. Cuckoo, Cuckoo, said the clock.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> You know there's some people you just aren't attracted to, and then there's some people you REALLY aren't attracted to?
> 
> Sleep with him or set myself on fire? Pass the matches. LOL.


:rofl:


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> I can't stand people like this. Ask for a suggestion and then go off on an tangent. I hope you rolled your eyes at him big time and told him off. He finally got a girlfriend and thinks he actually knows something. It's kind of pathetic.
> 
> Ew.


I definitely did. He really grinds my gears! I heard him pulling this same crap with some other women in my complex. Her bf bought her flowers for her birthday and he told her "I bet he got them at the carwash." 

I know bartenders are "hired guns" so to speak and are paid to be nice to you, so why would I waste all this time hitting on them? Talking to people about sports, music, and hiking trails is not sexypants time talk, in my book. 

But on the flip side, I'm sure people do hit on the bartender and it works. Don't really see how that's pathetic or lonely. In fact, sounds like they are being quite effective.


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> Most men and women are superficial. Yes, I just said that. You want a George Clooney clone? Keep looking. I am happy in my own skin and with the way I look. The question is, are you comfortable in your own skin and with the way you look? You have a pretty face? Great! If you lack the confidence to post a (appropriate) full body photo, then you lack the confidence to be with me. Marilyn Monroe and Kirsty Alley both owned their looks and bodies, you can, too.


Mmm, yea, a little much. Comes across a little bitter and judgy which I know you don't intend. How about something like:

"I prefer women who are height/weight proportional. I've posted a variety of different photos and expect the same, meeting online is awkward enough without accurately knowing what the other person looks like. Everyone should be proud of who they are without using photoshop and the cropping tool.  " 

I just think it needs to be a little more light-hearted. Your point is valid though, and yes, EVERY guy I've met from a dating site is shorter than his posted height. Seriously. Everyone. I guess men's version of that is the woman/weight thing.


----------



## movealong

bravenewworld said:


> Mmm, yea, a little much. Comes across a little bitter and judgy which I know you don't intend. How about something like:
> 
> _*"I prefer women who are height/weight proportional. I've posted a variety of different photos and expect the same, meeting online is awkward enough without accurately knowing what the other person looks like. Everyone should be proud of who they are without using photoshop and the cropping tool.  " *_
> 
> I just think it needs to be a little more light-hearted. Your point is valid though, and yes, EVERY guy I've met from a dating site is shorter than his posted height. Seriously. Everyone. I guess men's version of that is the woman/weight thing.


A lot more eloquent than how I had written it. :smthumbup:

Thank you.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> I definitely did. He really grinds my gears! I heard him pulling this same crap with some other women in my complex. Her bf bought her flowers for her birthday and he told her "I bet he got them at the carwash."


Ugh. Makes you wonder how in the hell he landed a girlfriend. Or maybe she won't be around for long. He sounds absolutely revolting.


----------



## Fenix

Lon said:


> Athletic tends to mean they like to eat, they are overweight but it's not because they are lazy and don't exercise.



wow.

I am not disagreeing with you guys but these labels are really crap. It totally depends on how a woman feels about herself. I have put curvy which to me means curves ie junk in the trunk, like Jennifer Lopez. I would never put athletic, because I am not ripped, though I work out regularly and can run 10 miles. I wouldn't put slender because I don't think I am...though some might think I am. I would put fit but I would also feel like an imposter. I think I put average/normal when I had a profile.

i guess what I am saying is the labels are useless because we all interpret them differently. Go for a recent pic and hope for the best.

Movealong, everything you posted, as well as BNW's rewrite would have caused me to think superficial ********* and move on. I am not saying you are one, but the insistence of including a paragraph on this makes me think that there is a possibility of it.


----------



## moxy

Some guy on the online site I use asked me about my degree and the institution that granted it; not a big deal if it comes up in conversation, but his manner made me feel like I was being interviewed or interrogated, so I didn't reply. Then, he sent this weird rant that he "felt I needed to read" about how women claim they want to be with someone smart or educated, but really it just demonstrates that they do not have education or intellect themselves. I don't know if he was trying to say "Hey, I like women who are not pretentious but who are intelligent." or saying "Oh, you think you're too good to talk to me and won't reply to my email? Well, I bet you're really dumb!" It kinda felt like the latter, like some kind of insult given for not replying to his message. The weird thing is that I have absolutely nothing in my profile about that sort of thing. I talk about the stuff I like and the stuff that seems fun to me. I also say that I like people who are curious, artful, and joyful. (I am paraphrasing all this). I am not pretentious or snobby. I don't say anything that warrants this weird rant, but...WTF!? Do others of you meet weirdos who seem to get all mad when you don't respond they way they expect you to? IDK; maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it felt like an insult to me. I really don't understand why the appropriate response to feeling rejected should be lashing out? UGH.

I'm mopey because I haven't seen Guy in a while and would like to. We chatted the other day over text, but he didn't reply to my last message or ask me out this weekend, though I had hoped to see him. I'm generally afraid to initiate (because I don't want to seem clingy), so I get skittish quickly when he doesn't respond or he is not available. I'm trying to counter the overly detached thing, to show that I care, but I'm doing it way too awkwardly and it's making me obsessive, which I don't like. These days, life feels like too much work and not enough play and right now, I really wanna play -- preferably with his body.

Oh, and about all the online dating photos and such -- why even bother to ask for photos in that way. Everyone is "screening" everyone else anyways, whether or not those things are stated so blatantly. Does it really feel like such waste of your time to go on a date only to find you're not attracted to her/his body type? If you're anxious about physical compatibility, meet early on rather than talking a lot beforehand and just decide in person. There is nothing at all wrong with feeling like you're not attracted to a person based on a body type, but to be all demandy about it in a profile is kinda gross, in my opinion; it seems like you don't care about the person, only the body, and that as soon as that body fails to excite you, you will be out the door -- not something that seems attractive. Personally, I find those kinds of statements off-putting and will skip the profiles that include such caveats. Sometimes, women don't post full body photos because then they get dozens of messages about their boobs or their butts and that's kinda depressing after a while. Sorry if that was blunt.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Some guy on the online site I use asked me about my degree and the institution that granted it; not a big deal if it comes up in conversation, but his manner made me feel like I was being interviewed or interrogated, so I didn't reply. Then, he sent this weird rant that he "felt I needed to read" about how women claim they want to be with someone smart or educated, but really it just demonstrates that they do not have education or intellect themselves. I don't know if he was trying to say "Hey, I like women who are not pretentious but who are intelligent." or saying "Oh, you think you're too good to talk to me and won't reply to my email? Well, I bet you're really dumb!" It kinda felt like the latter, like some kind of insult given for not replying to his message. The weird thing is that I have absolutely nothing in my profile about that sort of thing. I talk about the stuff I like and the stuff that seems fun to me. I also say that I like people who are curious, artful, and joyful. (I am paraphrasing all this). I am not pretentious or snobby. I don't say anything that warrants this weird rant, but...WTF!? Do others of you meet weirdos who seem to get all mad when you don't respond they way they expect you to? IDK; maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it felt like an insult to me. I really don't understand why the appropriate response to feeling rejected should be lashing out? UGH.
> 
> I'm mopey because I haven't seen Guy in a while and would like to. We chatted the other day over text, but he didn't reply to my last message or ask me out this weekend, though I had hoped to see him. I'm generally afraid to initiate (because I don't want to seem clingy), so I get skittish quickly when he doesn't respond or he is not available. I'm trying to counter the overly detached thing, to show that I care, but I'm doing it way too awkwardly and it's making me obsessive, which I don't like. These days, life feels like too much work and not enough play and right now, I really wanna play -- preferably with his body.
> 
> Oh, and about all the online dating photos and such -- why even bother to ask for photos in that way. Everyone is "screening" everyone else anyways, whether or not those things are stated so blatantly. Does it really feel like such waste of your time to go on a date only to find you're not attracted to her/his body type? If you're anxious about physical compatibility, meet early on rather than talking a lot beforehand and just decide in person. There is nothing at all wrong with feeling like you're not attracted to a person based on a body type, but to be all demandy about it in a profile is kinda gross, in my opinion; it seems like you don't care about the person, only the body, and that as soon as that body fails to excite you, you will be out the door -- not something that seems attractive. Personally, I find those kinds of statements off-putting and will skip the profiles that include such caveats. Sometimes, women don't post full body photos because then they get dozens of messages about their boobs or their butts and that's kinda depressing after a while. Sorry if that was blunt.


One time in bandcamp.... just kidding!

Once a guy kept messaging me non-stop. I never replied because we had just begun messaging and I definitely was not interested. At last resort, he sent me a text reading.
"your boring" obviously to get a rise out of me.

I did not reply and he never messaged me again.


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld: (like the username btw...one of my favorite books). That guy is an idiot. Anybody who can't sit somewhere and read alone or just be by themselves somehow is probably highly insecure. I like what NSweet says here about it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> NE, I don't know about the other guys but if I saw you reading a book at a bar.... I'd talk to you first! Don't you wear those geek sheik glasses either. Oh, and a dress that makes me use a little imagination. Forget about it! I'd be like, _"Step aside wh*res. I'm going to talk to the classy nerdy girl over there."_


Wait, you mean that... guys were hitting on me when they did that?!?

WTF?!? So many wasted opportunities!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I definitely did. He really grinds my gears! I heard him pulling this same crap with some other women in my complex. Her bf bought her flowers for her birthday and he told her "I bet he got them at the carwash."
> 
> I know bartenders are "hired guns" so to speak and are paid to be nice to you, so why would I waste all this time hitting on them? Talking to people about sports, music, and hiking trails is not sexypants time talk, in my book.
> 
> *But on the flip side, I'm sure people do hit on the bartender and it works. Don't really see how that's pathetic or lonely. In fact, sounds like they are being quite effective. *


So, my XH is a bar tender/manager. Started doing that about a yr before we were married. And he would tell me about women who would flirt with him at the bar, that all these other women wanted him, but he chose to be with me... I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were only flirting because they wanted a heavy pour or a free drink. I'm pretty sure towards the end of our marriage he was starting to see greener pastures, if he hadn't been doing so all along.

I got a good laugh out of the fact that none of those women were interested in him after he ditched me.

:rofl:

So sweet. So, so sweet.


----------



## ne9907

ok, how do you all feel about sexting?

I feel dirty (not in a good sense) when I do it. I also feel as if the person that is receiving those texts loses respect for me. It is idiotic to feel this way, right?


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> ok, how do you all feel about sexting?
> 
> I feel dirty (not in a good sense) when I do it. I also feel as if the person that is receiving those texts loses respect for me. It is idiotic to feel this way, right?


It can be fun in the right situation... I would only do it with an SO, never just some random, its a nice way to get all worked up before seeing each other...


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> Some guy on the online site I use asked me about my degree and the institution that granted it; not a big deal if it comes up in conversation, but his manner made me feel like I was being interviewed or interrogated, so I didn't reply. Then, he sent this weird rant that he "felt I needed to read" about how women claim they want to be with someone smart or educated, but really it just demonstrates that they do not have education or intellect themselves. I don't know if he was trying to say "Hey, I like women who are not pretentious but who are intelligent." or saying "Oh, you think you're too good to talk to me and won't reply to my email? Well, I bet you're really dumb!" It kinda felt like the latter, like some kind of insult given for not replying to his message. The weird thing is that I have absolutely nothing in my profile about that sort of thing. I talk about the stuff I like and the stuff that seems fun to me. I also say that I like people who are curious, artful, and joyful. (I am paraphrasing all this). I am not pretentious or snobby. I don't say anything that warrants this weird rant, but...WTF!? Do others of you meet weirdos who seem to get all mad when you don't respond they way they expect you to? IDK; maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it felt like an insult to me. I really don't understand why the appropriate response to feeling rejected should be lashing out? UGH.
> 
> I'm mopey because I haven't seen Guy in a while and would like to. We chatted the other day over text, but he didn't reply to my last message or ask me out this weekend, though I had hoped to see him. I'm generally afraid to initiate (because I don't want to seem clingy), so I get skittish quickly when he doesn't respond or he is not available. I'm trying to counter the overly detached thing, to show that I care, but I'm doing it way too awkwardly and it's making me obsessive, which I don't like. These days, life feels like too much work and not enough play and right now, I really wanna play -- preferably with his body.
> 
> Oh, and about all the online dating photos and such -- why even bother to ask for photos in that way. Everyone is "screening" everyone else anyways, whether or not those things are stated so blatantly. Does it really feel like such waste of your time to go on a date only to find you're not attracted to her/his body type? If you're anxious about physical compatibility, meet early on rather than talking a lot beforehand and just decide in person. There is nothing at all wrong with feeling like you're not attracted to a person based on a body type, but to be all demandy about it in a profile is kinda gross, in my opinion; it seems like you don't care about the person, only the body, and that as soon as that body fails to excite you, you will be out the door -- not something that seems attractive. Personally, I find those kinds of statements off-putting and will skip the profiles that include such caveats. Sometimes, women don't post full body photos because then they get dozens of messages about their boobs or their butts and that's kinda depressing after a while. Sorry if that was blunt.


Some men cannot handle strong, intelligent, independent women. They just want you prone. Sad...

Didn't a German ask you out? Why not go for it?

I never comment on a person's photo in a message. Only about the written profile and ask questions based on that...unless they have some wierd tattoo or something then I might say something (not ran into that but still...I would...I just like tattoos).

Every woman I have met so far on Match has said the same thing you are saying...lots and lots of creepy guys trolling for a body. They just want an orgasmatron, not a woman. And if they get a woman, they want her in the kitchen and laundry room when not in the bedroom. ****ing loosers.

I'm in a mood today...went to a protest for animal rights yesterday and got spit on by some POS...so..grrrrrrr


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Some men cannot handle strong, intelligent, independent women. They just want you prone. Sad...
> 
> *Didn't a German ask you out? Why not go for it?*


You should Moxy


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> ok, how do you all feel about sexting?
> 
> I feel dirty (not in a good sense) when I do it. I also feel as if the person that is receiving those texts loses respect for me. It is idiotic to feel this way, right?


I would not do it. And I would not ask a woman to send me photos either. Real life is better. But I'm strange I guess.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> I would not do it. And I would not ask a woman to send me photos either. Real life is better. But I'm strange I guess.


No photos, just text. Naughty text


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Fenix said:


> wow.
> 
> I am not disagreeing with you guys but these labels are really crap. It totally depends on how a woman feels about herself. I have put curvy which to me means curves ie junk in the trunk, like Jennifer Lopez. I would never put athletic, because I am not ripped, though I work out regularly and can run 10 miles. I wouldn't put slender because I don't think I am...though some might think I am. I would put fit but I would also feel like an imposter. I think I put average/normal when I had a profile.
> 
> i guess what I am saying is the labels are useless because we all interpret them differently. Go for a recent pic and hope for the best.
> 
> Movealong, everything you posted, as well as BNW's rewrite would have caused me to think superficial ********* and move on. I am not saying you are one, but the insistence of including a paragraph on this makes me think that there is a possibility of it.


Yes, the way those labels get used really fcks it up for honest people. Part of the reason I quit the online dating thing when I was still looking for GF.


----------



## Arendt

If you are not comfortable, don't engage in it and quit. That would be my advice. You don't have to push yourself to do things you have some qualms about or let yourself continue if you have done it and it just doesn'd quite sit well with you. You know your boundaries and your comfort zone. And while it is good to be out of our comfort zones that is within a bounded arena of play. You set the boundaries, not somebody else. 

For me...a little dirty talk over text might be okay...depends on the direction of it, how long it keeps on, just how crass it gets, etc. I like a bit of class to a woman and like to think of myself as treating people well, so if I felt treated or like I was treating somebody else as an object, I would change direction in the text and tone it down. That is my kind of boundary. Of course, everybody crosses their limits sometimes. But is it habitual? That's where I would look to see about myself.


----------



## Arendt

I like the word "naughty" btw. Makes me smile. :smthumbup:


----------



## movealong

I have gone on dates, and gone on them "early" to see if there was chemistry. My difficulty with "pretty face" pictures versus real life is that any chance that it could have had a second date is gone because I feel like the person was not honest. Call me crazy, but I actually put true measurements and information on my profile, along with photos that show what I look like head to toe. For me it just seems like false advertising and is a real turn off.

I am by no means an ass when I meet them, and I have had some good conversations and a good time with every one I have gone out with, but there will be no second date because their profile was misleading.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> ok, how do you all feel about sexting?
> 
> I feel dirty (not in a good sense) when I do it. I also feel as if the person that is receiving those texts loses respect for me. It is idiotic to feel this way, right?


I love it. Words are hot. Sex is hot. Every now and again, the response that photos generate can be hot, too. Yay fun.

I am not going to do it with everyone, though, and I am certainly not going to do it with someone who looks like he will lose respect for me for doing it. That double standard sucks. 

Not everyone likes sex the same way. Some people like a bit of kink. I'm not promiscuous, but I am a freak when it comes to the people I'm willing to be with. 



Arendt said:


> Some men cannot handle strong, intelligent, independent women. They just want you prone. Sad...


It is sad. So are people's attitudes and willingness to insult another for something petty. My feelings were hurt by this stranger's stealth-insult.



Arendt said:


> Didn't a German ask you out? Why not go for it?


 I agreed to meet him when he is back in the States. I also agreed to meet another man, a Persian. Nothing wrong with meeting someone. It's not really a date, just a meeting. To be honest, I can't get Guy out of my head, though, and I'm not enjoying meeting anyone else.



Arendt said:


> ...lots and lots of creepy guys trolling for a body. *They just want an orgasmatron, not a woman.* And if they get a woman, they want her in the kitchen and laundry room when not in the bedroom. ****ing loosers.


:rofl: Well said. Personally, I don't mind being an orgasmatron, if my partner is willing to be one for me, too. Mutual objectification in the moment can be good, but when it's perpetual or chronic or in the way of a more humane framework between people...no thanks. I must admit, it is very creepy to realize that like 90% of the guys who send messages just want A body who looks like some idea in their minds and that most of them don't even bother to see that body as belonging to person with feelings and thoughts and the right to say no, too.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I am by no means an ass when I meet them, and I have had some good conversations and a good time with every one I have gone out with, but there will be no second date because their profile was misleading.


Yeah. And isn't it nice when someone is even hotter than their pic?


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> To be honest, I can't get Guy out of my head, though, and I'm not enjoying meeting anyone else.


I think the reason why you're not enjoying meeting anyone else is... (drumroll)..because Guy is so in you brain. 

Once he's not, you will probably be more receptive to dating/meeting people.

It is good you are meeting up with the Persian guy, have you dated any before? I am all for dating all different kinds of people.  Let us know how it goes.


----------



## Fenix

Fenix said:


> Movealong, everything you posted, as well as BNW's rewrite would have caused me to think superficial ********* and move on. I am not saying you are one, but the insistence of* including a paragraph on this makes me think that there is a possibility of it.*


I just went back and reread this. The bolded part came out wrong. What I meant was--if I was looking at this paragraph on an online dating site, I would think badly of you. From what you have posted on this site previously, I don't think that is the case. If I hadn't been paying attention to your posting history, then...maybe.

Does that make more sense??


----------



## movealong

Fenix said:


> I just went back and reread this. The bolded part came out wrong. What I meant was--if I was looking at this paragraph on an online dating site, I would think badly of you. From what you have posted on this site previously, I don't think that is the case. If I hadn't been paying attention to your posting history, then...maybe.
> 
> Does that make more sense??


Yes, it does. Thank you for clarifying. 

That is one of the benefits of TAM/LAD forum. It is a great place to get honest feedback. When I wrote that paragraph, I knew in my mind what I was saying, but seeing the lady TAM'ers responses was an eye opener.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah. And isn't it nice when someone is even hotter than their pic?


When I was online dating there are a few pics I didn't put up because I looked "too good." Seriously!

I mean, if I put up a pic of me in fake eyelashes, a really good spray tan, and makeup done by a professional I felt like anyone who met me in person would go "Where's that girl I saw in the picture?!" 

I clean up nice, but most of the time I'm more casual. I think it's important to represent who you are. And I think I am very pretty without all the gunk anyway. (Although gunk is fun sometimes!)


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah. And isn't it nice when someone is even hotter than their pic?


Oh yes!!!


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah. And isn't it nice when someone is even hotter than their pic?


Heh. I have been accused of underselling myself.  Funny how so many guys do just the opposite. I don't know if that is common with the women though.


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> Yes, it does. Thank you for clarifying.
> 
> That is one of the benefits of TAM/LAD forum. It is a great place to get honest feedback. When I wrote that paragraph, I knew in my mind what I was saying, but seeing the lady TAM'ers responses was an eye opener.


For the record I wouldn't be opposed to a guy who says they are looking for someone heigh/weight proportional because that means I have a shot! 

I'm not skinny but I have a good build and carry it well. That said, I also place a high value on looks (sorry TAM, just where I am right now) so I would understand if someone else did too as long as they were polite about it. 

On the other hand - if you have a "No Fat Chicks" bumpersticker on your car….


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> When I was online dating there are a few pics I didn't put up because I looked "too good." Seriously!
> 
> I mean, if I put up a pic of me in fake eyelashes, a really good spray tan, and makeup done by a professional I felt like anyone who met me in person would go "Where's that girl I saw in the picture?!"
> 
> I clean up nice, but most of the time I'm more casual. I think it's important to represent who you are. *And I think I am very pretty without all the gunk anyway*. (Although gunk is fun sometimes!)


:iagree:

You can tell by my pictures that I do not wear make up. What you see is pretty much what you will get. Althought I have been told that I look just like my pictures, which is a good thing.


----------



## RandomDude

So glad FWB came over last night, was freezing cold!!! Bah!
Saves me sleeping with the heater on and waking up sweating >.<

Think the best thing about this isn't even the sex, its the cuddles and warmth!


----------



## movealong

bravenewworld said:


> For the record I wouldn't be opposed to a guy who says they are looking for someone heigh/weight proportional because that means I have a shot!
> 
> I'm not skinny but I have a good build and carry it well. That said, I also place a high value on looks (sorry TAM, just where I am right now) so I would understand if someone else did too as long as they were polite about it.
> 
> *On the other hand - if you have a "No Fat Chicks" bumpersticker on your car…. *


I literally laughed at that! No, no bumper stickers on my car. 

What you said is exactly what I am trying to convey: not skinny, but has a good build and carries it well. There's just not a good way to say that online, lol!

I still have 5 or so pounds that i would like to lose, but even so, my friends and coworkers are telling me to stop losing weight because I am looking "too skinny". What little paunch I have left will be gone in a few weeks, then I am going to start building muscle again. But the little extra weight I have, I carry it well and don't mind going shirtless to swim or play outside with my daughter and granddaughter.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> I think the reason why you're not enjoying meeting anyone else is... (drumroll)..because Guy is so in you brain.


LOL. Yes. 

He is likely busy with other stuff. I need to remind myself that he is not my on-call sex toy, but a very lovely person with a full and busy life of his own and plenty of things and interests and hobbies that need his attention more than I do, at times.  I'm just feeling whiny because I wanna get together with him and he's not available at this time. I need to chill out. So, time to distract myself with work or other things!



Jellybeans said:


> Once he's not, you will probably be more receptive to dating/meeting people.


So true. Maybe this just means that I need to not bother with meeting people for a little while, if it isn't doing much for me; it may be a waste of time for both people. 



Jellybeans said:


> It is good you are meeting up with the Persian guy, have you dated any before?


Our schedules aren't in sync, at the moment, so I don't know when we will meet, but I have agreed to because I've been trying to keep my options open -- in part so that I don't get overly attached to Guy (too late; I'm evidently gaga for him). I like all kinds of men, but I have a big weakness for West Asian dudes. I guess it's my "type"; I could chalk it up to a sort of diasporic disposition that wants to connect with some aspect of my own long lost ethnic heritage or something.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> So glad FWB came over last night, was freezing cold!!! Bah!
> Saves me sleeping with the heater on and waking up sweating >.<
> 
> Think the best thing about this isn't even the sex, its the cuddles and warmth!


Are you having an emotional connection with her, or are you still in denial?

Will she be upgraded to GF status?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> .
> 
> He is likely busy with other stuff. I need to remind myself that he is not my on-call sex toy, but a very lovely person with a full and busy life of his own and plenty of things and interests and hobbies that need his attention more than I do, at times.  I'm just feeling whiny because I wanna get together with him and he's not available at this time. I need to chill out. So, time to distract myself with work or other things!


Fvck this!!! I would totally say, yo! Lets fvck! I am kidding.... so kidding... 
I am unusually happy today, even though I was listening to sappy romantic songs that would normally make me sad.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> It can be fun in the right situation... I would only do it with an SO, never just some random, its a nice way to get all worked up before seeing each other...


I'm with unsure on this one. I find it to be a turn-on, but only with someone I'm already intimate with. 

I would never send sexty pics of myself... but I will send suggestive images/memes/ecards I find on the internet.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> He is likely busy with other stuff. I need to remind myself that he is not my on-call sex toy, but a very lovely person with a full and busy life of his own and plenty of things and interests and hobbies that need his attention more than I do, at times.  I'm just feeling whiny because I wanna get together with him and he's not available at this time. I need to chill out. So, time to distract myself with work or other things!


Reminder to self: Hot Fireman is not FiP's on-call sex toy...


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Are you having an emotional connection with her, or are you still in denial?
> 
> Will she be upgraded to GF status?


Lol wtf? Nah, seriously we're just friends, and can never be anymore - we aren't compatible either than friends, sex, cuddles and playtime - and we both know it.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Lol wtf? Nah, seriously we're just friends, and can never be anymore - we aren't compatible either than friends, sex, cuddles and playtime - and we both know it.


haha

You bring reality to my fogged up world! 

Btw, I can listen to Airsupply again without tearing up! yay!!!


----------



## whitehawk

l must admit , l was pretty sure at least one of you would develop feelings but that sure sounds like a def no hope.

l thought ne and blue eyes had them hovering around underneath to but the same there to these days.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l must admit , l was pretty sure at least one of you would develop feelings but that sure sounds like a def no hope.
> 
> l thought ne and blue eyes had them hovering around underneath to but the same there to these days.


I do not know about blue eyes's feeling. I will not lie to myself. I do care about him, he makes me happy. But I also know he is moving out of state and this we have will end.
I am okay with that, will I miss him? Absolutely.


----------



## movealong

RIP Robin Williams

We lost a great actor.


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> I do not know about blue eyes's feeling. I will not lie to myself. I do care about him, he makes me happy. But I also know he is moving out of state and this we have will end.
> I am okay with that, will I miss him? Absolutely.


Ooo let me know if you ever post a pic of blue eyes Ne...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> RIP Robin Williams
> 
> We lost a great actor.


 Jumanji is my favorite movie of his


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Ooo let me know if you ever post a pic of blue eyes Ne...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I actually deleted all of his photos the second time we ended things. I never bothered to ask him for more. I will ask him for one. He isnot very photogenic... at all!


----------



## moxy

Today, I am really glad that I don't have children of my own. I love my nieces and nephews, but they are misbehaving so much today that I can't concentrate on anything, which is unfortunate because I am on a deadline and because I can't go elsewhere to work, as I have promised to help my sister edit a document. It's storming outside and the house, whose domesticity has felt oppressive for quite some time, feels a little more like a prison than usual, today. While the idea of escaping into a romantic interlude is distantly appealing, I feel more un-sexy in these circumstances and in this mindset than I can remember having felt in a very, very long time. One of the most surprising things that I have discovered since ending my marriage is that my relationship to domesticity and family life is shifting. I still love the idea of it -- and often the experience -- but, I find myself craving the experience of being out and about in the world, among other people in other social spaces, not just hanging out at home. Most of the people I know are married with kids and love the domestic space. They seem my desire to occupy a different sort of social space as some sort of throwback to college rebellion and waywardness. It's annoying not to be taken seriously at the crux of this difference. I need to make some single friends in town, I guess.


----------



## unsure78

So I am having a ton of anxiety right now, there is a strong possibility that I will see my exbf, the engy, tommrow night at a kids fuction in the school district. I have not seen him for well over a year and not spoken/texted in a year. He emailed me on my bday and I ignored it... this man DESTROYED me and broke my heart more ways than I ever knew possible....I never want to see him again, the level of pain it will bring to the surface will be extreme. He will be nothing but polite if I see him, im thinking of just shaking my head no and not even saying a word to him...he doesn't even deserve a word from my mouth to acknowledge his presence. Note my child and exh will be present as well at this function. 

Anyone have any other ideas on how to handle this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

And you have to go why? Can't you leave your DS with your exH and take a break?


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> im thinking of just shaking my head no and not even saying a word to him...he doesn't even deserve a word from my mouth to acknowledge his presence. Note my child and exh will be present as well at this function.


It might be a good idea to just handle it like this. Just pretend you don't recognize him or refuse to acknowledge his presence. It may seem a little childish, but you might feel like you are not under his sway by exerting that small power. There will be so many others there, just avoid him and focus on the other people. 

I'm sorry you're going to have to see him.  It sucks.



Nsweet said:


> And you have to go why? Can't you leave your DS with your exH and take a break?


This would be the simplest option.


----------



## unsure78

Nsweet said:


> And you have to go why? Can't you leave your DS with your exH and take a break?


Lol im not sure exh is going to show up, just cause hes like that...and my son needs to attend
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Dont take anything personally. Its hard to do, but its your reality. You have no control over what other people do. Its their reality. Whether ex bf says you look beautiful or ignores you, take nothing personally. It is his reality. Create your own reality. 
Good luck!


----------



## Lon

Hey Unsure. If/when you see him, acknowledge his presence but do not engage with it. Eye contact with a stern emotionless face, then complete indifference and slight avoidance sends a clear message, and more importantly sets the precedence for next time you run into him. If you don't acknowledge the presence you won't have the opportunity to establish that precedent.


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> So I am having a ton of anxiety right now, there is a strong possibility that I will see my exbf, the engy, tommrow night at a kids fuction in the school district.
> 
> He will be nothing but polite if I see him, im thinking of just shaking my head no and not even saying a word to him...he doesn't even deserve a word from my mouth to acknowledge his presence. Note my child and exh will be present as well at this function.
> 
> Anyone have any other ideas on how to handle this?


This one's easy. If you see him, do not go out of your way to say hi to him/be around him. As you would a colleague at work that you can't stand but have to be civil with in the work environment. Meaning, minimum contact. If he comes up to you or says hi, flash him your thousand watt smile and say Hi back and keep it moving. Mingle with people.

You are Unsure. You are a hot woman who is lightyears above what the utter d!ckwad he was to you and he doesn't deserve your conversation.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok I seriously saw a guy on Tinder that looks like Animal from the Muppets. It was CRAZY.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Ok I seriously saw a guy on Tinder that looks like Animal from the Muppets. It was CRAZY.


Be careful of drummers, lol!


----------



## Jellybeans

I always love the drummers.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I always love the drummers.


When I was in the band we all knew "the order":

Lead Singer
Lead Guitar player
Drummer
Rhythm guitar
Keyboard player
Pyrotechnics crew
Roadies
Bass Player


----------



## unsure78

Thanks guys, hopefully I wont even have to see him....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

You got this.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Ok I seriously saw a guy on Tinder that looks like Animal from the Muppets. It was CRAZY.


Screenshot?


----------



## movealong

unsure78 said:


> Thanks guys, hopefully I wont even have to see him....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know that look people get when someone nearby passes gas, but no one except the person who did it knows? That confused "Oh my poor nose" look that conveys horror, disdain, and revulsion? Give him that look and walk on by.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> You know that look people get when someone nearby passes gas, but no one except the person who did it knows? That confused "Oh my poor nose" look that conveys horror, disdain, and revulsion? Give him that look and walk on by.


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Screenshot?


Hehe. you know I actually considered it but it seemed inappropriate/invasion of privacy.

But trust me: if Animal had a human form, it would be this guy! 

Funny thing is, Animal has always been my favorite Muppet.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. you know I actually considered it but it seemed inappropriate/invasion of privacy.
> 
> But trust me: if Animal had a human form, it would be this guy!
> 
> *Funny thing is, Animal has always been my favorite Muppet.*


Haha, but you wouldnt want to date him!


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> You know that look people get when someone nearby passes gas, but no one except the person who did it knows? That confused "Oh my poor nose" look that conveys horror, disdain, and revulsion? Give him that look and walk on by.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, but you wouldnt want to date him!


Who says I'm not Muppet-friendly? I never discriminate based on race, religion, creed or color, so not considering him would be wrong.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


>


Nailed it! :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Who says I'm not Muppet-friendly? I never discriminate based on race, religion, creed or color, so not considering him would be wrong.


Actually I was basing that comment on personality, LOL!


----------



## ne9907

Ok Unsure and everyone else, I posted a photo of blue eyes in my private album. He does not like to smile at all.


----------



## Jellybeans

You are hotter than him.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You are hotter than him.


It is my cross to bear :rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

That's not a bad cross to bear.


----------



## Another Planet

ROFL Ladies I am sorry but I just had to share

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU#t=42


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> ROFL Ladies I am sorry but I just had to share
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU#t=42


that was very educational. Thank you so much for sharing 

actually it was pretty funny


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> ROFL Ladies I am sorry but I just had to share
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU#t=42


Apparently I fall in the Danger Zone (red head).

Despite the fact that I'm low on the crazy scale. Why does the red hair automatically shunt me into the crazy???

:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> ROFL Ladies I am sorry but I just had to share
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKWmFWRVLlU#t=42


My girl friend sent me that last week! LOL. So funny. "a four--because every woman is crazy." TRUE! 

LOL


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Apparently I fall in the Danger Zone (red head).
> 
> Despite the fact that I'm low on the crazy scale. Why does the red hair automatically shunt me into the crazy???
> 
> :rofl:


I never really understood that either. I personally have always had a thing for redheads for whatever reason. And I also seem to like some crazy too. And I love me some scorpio women too


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> My girl friend sent me that last week! LOL. So funny. "a four--because every woman is crazy." TRUE!
> 
> LOL


I am unicorn.... prove me wrong! I fvcking dare you men!!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I am unicorn.... prove me wrong! I fvcking dare you men!!!!!


For one just the fact that you claim to be a Unicorn means you aren't.....
Plus you just met a perfect stranger from the other side of the country in Vegas. That is pretty risky behavior in my opinion and bumps you up a couple crazy notches.
I mean no offense NE just pointing out some things


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> For one just the fact that you claim to be a Unicorn means you aren't.....
> Plus you just met a perfect stranger from the other side of the country in Vegas. That is pretty risky behavior in my opinion and bumps you up a couple crazy notches.
> I mean no offense NE just pointing out some things


I am cut you AP!, I am not crazy....

EDIT: btw, I hope you know I am joking!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I am cut you AP!, I am not crazy....


LOL It's ok NE some crazy is good 

Personally I get bored quickly and I think I need a girl who will be a little crazy and wreckless...BUT only with me...it's weird I know.


----------



## ne9907

Btw, if you are a Denzel Washington fan, you will love this!

Froggy Fresh - Denzel Washington - YouTube


----------



## Jellybeans

Denzel is HOOOOOOOT.

Like, all-time hot. That man emanates sexy over every inch of his body/speech. He has some serious swagger.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Btw, if you are a Denzel Washington fan, you will love this!
> 
> Froggy Fresh - Denzel Washington - YouTube


Those boys are so cool lol


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> ??? How do you manage to read a book at the bar?
> 
> Unless its a lounge bar


Dude, some of us bibliophiles could read a book while a tornado is approaching and the sky is being ripped apart by alien invaders. A bar? No problem at all. Sit. Focus. Tune-out.


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Dude, some of us bibliophiles could read a book while a tornado is approaching and the sky is being ripped apart by alien invaders. A bar? No problem at all. Sit. Focus. Tune-out.


Not going to lie - I've missed my subway stop more than once!


----------



## moxy

Long live bibliophiles!! Being able to drown out the rest of the world is important to the reading experience -- and also to the bedroom experience. A person reading at a bar = total turn on.

NE -- Yes, you are totally hotter than Blue Eyes. I see why you like him, though. He should consider himself lucky.

My BIL showed me this video the other day; it is amusing. He said that my sister (his wife) is a 9 or 10 on both the hot and the crazy scale; she was not amused -- probably because that's about right. I have no idea how to determine where I might fall on the crazy-hot spectrum. I might have to ask people who know me. Does freaky automatically equal crazy? Or, does crazy only have to do with how much drama you're likely to make in polite society? 

I have to say that in many cases the three part breakdown of zones for men is often right on -- at least for many of the women I've met. No money and no hotness = no way (unless the sex is off the charts or there is artistic ambition to factor in), lots of money and irrelevant hotness = husband zone (unless the woman is financially independent; personally, I'm not bothered about finances), and no money + lots of hotness = fun zone (I can't be with a dude I don't find hot; I'd probably rather marry a guy with less money or power than myself and who is hotter than me....I suppose that puts me high on the crazy spectrum). I think that the chart for women probably ought to include things like how controlling, angry, jealous, or crazy a guy is, too, but the premise that only money and sex appeal matter is pretty funny.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You are hotter than him.





moxy said:


> NE -- Yes, you are totally hotter than Blue Eyes. I see why you like him, though. He should consider himself lucky.
> 
> .


haha, he looks better in person, he is one of those people who do not look very attractive in photos. 

He is very confident, I do NOT think he considers himself lucky at all. In any event, thank you guys!


----------



## movealong

Profile says she is 5'10", over 6' with heels on. Says she won't date a man that is under 6'. I guess telling her that I would bring mountain climbing gear was not the right thing to say..... 

eta - I am kidding. I don't have any mountain climbing gear.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Profile says she is 5'10", over 6' with heels on. Says she won't date a man that is under 6'. I guess telling her that I would bring mountain climbing gear was not the right thing to say.....
> 
> eta - I am kidding. I don't have any mountain climbing gear.


I think it is funny


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> haha, he looks better in person, he is one of those people who do not look very attractive in photos.
> 
> He is very confident, I do NOT think he considers himself lucky at all. In any event, thank you guys!


Some people just don't capture well in photos. There are some bands like that...live they are just great but then I get their recorded music and it seems like nothing can capture their sound and energy. 

Guatemalan lady is like that...she's pretty in photos, but in person...stunning.

YOu could get all idealistic about that: nothing can capture some people...you cannot put them in a cage or a box or a little two-dimensional screen. Something very appealing about that idea...


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> He is very confident, *I do NOT think he considers himself lucky at all.* In any event, thank you guys!


Having seen your photos...believe us all...he's VERY lucky. And you are smart too...geez.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Arendt said:


> Some people just don't capture well in photos. There are some bands like that...live they are just great but then I get their recorded music and it seems like nothing can capture their sound and energy.
> 
> Guatemalan lady is like that...she's pretty in photos, but in person...stunning.
> 
> YOu could get all idealistic about that: nothing can capture some people...you cannot put them in a cage or a box or a little two-dimensional screen. Something very appealing about that idea...


I dont photograph well. At all. It was a challenge to come up with pics for dating profiles, because normally I avoid cameras at all costs! Every guy I went out with from an online site actually looked better in person than they did in their pics.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont photograph well. At all. It was a challenge to come up with pics for dating profiles, because normally I avoid cameras at all costs! Every guy I went out with from an online site actually looked better in person than they did in their pics.


Ive seen your pictures! You are very pretty


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Thanks!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I dont photograph well. At all. It was a challenge to come up with pics for dating profiles, because normally I avoid cameras at all costs! Every guy I went out with from an online site actually looked better in person than they did in their pics.


I've also always thought that I don't photograph well, and so I avoid cameras. But a friend of mine has started to coach me a bit so I can work on getting better photos.

EDIT/PS... and I agree with NE. You're pretty. Stop avoiding cameras.


----------



## Arendt

Going on a date tonight...put up some predate photos  I'm in a good mood.


----------



## bandit.45

You know...I've had to go to the chiropractor four times since I started dating Syrian. 

Four times....


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> You know...I've had to go to the chiropractor four times since I started dating Syrian.
> 
> 
> 
> Four times....



That's seriously awesome! Sounds like you guys are still having fun.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> That's seriously awesome! Sounds like you guys are still having fun.


She wore me out this past weekend. 


Wore....me....out....


----------



## Arendt

So I went out again with Guatemalan tonight. It was more of a date this time, a bit dressed up which I enjoy. Not full suit dressed up, but a jacket and jeans, professor garb for me really. She had a dress that showed her figure well. She likes Mexican food so I took her to Cafe Corazon that has vegetarian/vegan options. Then we walked to the lake and talked about various things. 

Anyway, before going into the restaurant I just couldn't help myself, I stopped her and stood in front of her grinning like a kid who just stole ten bars of chocolate from the corner store. I said she looked stunning, because she did and with that stupid beaming grin said I wanted to kiss her. “Can I?” She kissed me.  I am not supposed to ask again. 

I didn’t. We spent much of the evening at my apartment. Watching funny videos and making out…we both agreed to wait on the rest till a little later. I made her a special desert, a chocolate vegan thing with pitted cherries on top, and I gave her some extra to take (a taste of my good cooking skills).

Dating is fun. And waiting for sex…her text will be lit up this week for sure: "when we going out again?"


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> You know...I've had to go to the chiropractor four times since I started dating Syrian.
> 
> Four times....



Nice but hey, much cheaper, you should just run a few miles 2 x a wk . Gets all the creaks out of the old back beautifully.

Anyway at least it's not stitches , when l first met my ex l had to get 4stiches under my tongue . l ripped my own tongue open with her , ummm , talking to much of course :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> So I went out again with Guatemalan tonight. It was more of a date this time, a bit dressed up which I enjoy. Not full suit dressed up, but a jacket and jeans, professor garb for me really. She had a dress that showed her figure well. She likes Mexican food so I took her to Cafe Corazon that has vegetarian/vegan options. Then we walked to the lake and talked about various things.
> 
> Anyway, before going into the restaurant I just couldn't help myself, I stopped her and stood in front of her grinning like a kid who just stole ten bars of chocolate from the corner store. I said she looked stunning, because she did and with that stupid beaming grin said I wanted to kiss her. “Can I?” She kissed me.  I am not supposed to ask again.
> 
> I didn’t. We spent much of the evening at my apartment. Watching funny videos and making out…we both agreed to wait on the rest till a little later. I made her a special desert, a chocolate vegan thing with pitted cherries on top, and I gave her some extra to take (a taste of my good cooking skills).
> 
> Dating is fun. And waiting for sex…her text will be lit up this week for sure: "when we going out again?"



Are you a professor Arend ?


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Today, I am really glad that I don't have children of my own. I love my nieces and nephews, but they are misbehaving so much today that I can't concentrate on anything, which is unfortunate because I am on a deadline and because I can't go elsewhere to work, as I have promised to help my sister edit a document. It's storming outside and the house, whose domesticity has felt oppressive for quite some time, feels a little more like a prison than usual, today. While the idea of escaping into a romantic interlude is distantly appealing, I feel more un-sexy in these circumstances and in this mindset than I can remember having felt in a very, very long time. One of the most surprising things that I have discovered since ending my marriage is that my relationship to domesticity and family life is shifting. I still love the idea of it -- and often the experience -- but, I find myself craving the experience of being out and about in the world, among other people in other social spaces, not just hanging out at home. Most of the people I know are married with kids and love the domestic space. They seem my desire to occupy a different sort of social space as some sort of throwback to college rebellion and waywardness. It's annoying not to be taken seriously at the crux of this difference. I need to make some single friends in town, I guess.



Yeah it's two different worlds . We also always found any singles , well they thought they did but really they had no clue about kids .
But one things for sure , anything kids sure isn't a put you in the mood sitch , funny really , God lovem ,  but hey , not the sex life :rofl:


----------



## moxy

Bandit -- I'm jealous. I wanna wear Guy out! Maybe I'll get to, this weekend.

Arendt -- Awwww. That sounds romantic as hell! 

WH -- yeah. Two different worlds. I feel like I belong in neither. I need to be more deliberate about which I choose and when.

I watched a movie today that reminded me to stop being so afraid and start seizing the day. My response: hmm, tomorrow, I'll scribble in my notebook in a museum. SMH. I'm less fearful of being myself after my marriage -- except in matters if the heart; then, I get scared and freeze up. I need to go out dancing.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh , don't be too hard on yourself mox . For sure a lot of us freeze up in those matters after all this . Takes time .

l like to think when the right person does come along though , they'll defrost us


----------



## ne9907

Last night, while I was watching the meteor shower, I thought how much I miss being in love.

Keep on having fun singles, keep on falling in love, wearing yourselves out, being afraid to show your true selves, but remember we are all children of light


----------



## Jellybeans

I ate a brownie for breakfast.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> I ate a brownie for breakfast.


Cinnamon rolls slathered in nutella here! 

oink oink!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I'm excited! As you may or may not know, hot fireman lives in a smaller city, ~40 minutes away from me. The distance, plus a funky fireman schedule, can make it difficult to schedule dates. 

Well, hot fireman will be relocating to my city very soon, AND he won't be a fireman for much longer. He's been looking to transition into the medical field full-time (he's an EMT in addition to a fireman), and he's been applying for university hospital positions in my city, so he can do that and go back to school. Well, yesterday he was offered a position at a major university hospital in my city! Yay!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

That's awesome, FIP


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, I'm excited! As you may or may not know, hot fireman lives in a smaller city, ~40 minutes away from me. The distance, plus a funky fireman schedule, can make it difficult to schedule dates.
> 
> Well, hot fireman will be relocating to my city very soon, AND he won't be a fireman for much longer. He's been looking to transition into the medical field full-time (he's an EMT in addition to a fireman), and he's been applying for university hospital positions in my city, so he can do that and go back to school. Well, yesterday he was offered a position at a major university hospital in my city! Yay!!!


:smthumbup:
This is so cool!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> Cinnamon rolls slathered in nutella here!
> 
> oink oink!


Chorizo fresco con juevos.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> So, I'm excited! As you may or may not know, hot fireman lives in a smaller city, ~40 minutes away from me. The distance, plus a funky fireman schedule, can make it difficult to schedule dates.
> 
> Well, hot fireman will be relocating to my city very soon, AND he won't be a fireman for much longer. He's been looking to transition into the medical field full-time (he's an EMT in addition to a fireman), and he's been applying for university hospital positions in my city, so he can do that and go back to school. Well, yesterday he was offered a position at a major university hospital in my city! Yay!!!


Jump on him and TEAR IT UP!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> That's awesome, FIP


It's awesome in all kinds of ways. I'm excited that he will be closer, and so we will be more accessible to one another. He will be working long hours, and once he starts classes, he'll be even busier, but it will be easier to schedule around, since it will be more predictable. I've done the working full-time and grad school part-time, so I know what it's like. But I'm also really excited for HIM, that he's finally doing this for himself. I've sensed from him that he hasn't been entirely happy in his job, but he's continued to do it because of various circumstances in his life. So, I'm glad to see that he's prioritizing himself in this situation.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Chorizo fresco con huevos (fixed it for you).


Huevos con tortillas


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Jump on him and TEAR IT UP!!!


Oh, I totally am, whenever he can get here! He has a crazy schedule this week. I don't know when I'm going to see him


----------



## COGypsy

The scale said I'm a gross pig today, so brunch will be fresh beet juice with ginger and supplements.


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> The scale said I'm a gross pig today, so brunch will be fresh beet juice with ginger and supplements.


that lying piece of **** scale!!!
You should not listen to anything that ***** has to say!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Huevos con tortillas


Con salsa verde?


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Con salsa verde?


no tengo salsa, asi que nadamas le puse Valentina.
Y claro, cafe con leche


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> that lying piece of **** scale!!!
> You should not listen to anything that ***** has to say!


Now I'm picturing having an early morning "discussion" with the dern thing! Sadly, it is definitely correct. I'm enjoying reading about everyone else's good food though! If I'm too bad to eat, at least I am good enough to live vicariously through others! Everyone should eat Mexican food today--that sounds super yummy


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> The scale said I'm a gross pig today, so brunch will be fresh beet juice with ginger and supplements.


I gained weight while I was in Denver. 

I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and I swear I was the fattest person I've ever met.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> no tengo salsa, asi que nadamas le puse Valentina.
> Y claro, cafe con leche


Mmmmm....


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> Now I'm picturing having an early morning "discussion" with the dern thing! Sadly, it is definitely correct. I'm enjoying reading about everyone else's good food though! If I'm too bad to eat, at least I am good enough to live vicariously through others! Everyone should eat Mexican food today--that sounds super yummy


Hmm

I had a very tasty Moscato wine, feta cheese, and pita bread last night while watching the stars.

Everything was delicious!

I skipped on the chocolate cake~


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Huevos con tortillas


Vegan chocolate pie and cherries, with coffee.


----------



## Fenix

COGypsy said:


> Now I'm picturing having an early morning "discussion" with the dern thing! Sadly, it is definitely correct. I'm enjoying reading about everyone else's good food though! If I'm too bad to eat, at least I am good enough to live vicariously through others! Everyone should eat Mexican food today--that sounds super yummy


I definitely like this idea! 

meh on the scale thing. Just go for a run. Scales may not lie but they are very, very fickle. One day up and the next day down.


Ne! Interesting combo of the moscato and feta...salty and sweet. Yum! You should have tossed fresh figs into the mix.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> Ne! Interesting combo of the moscato and feta...salty and sweet. Yum! You should have tossed fresh figs into the mix.


Next time!


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Next time!


And prosciutto!


I like food...what can I say? esp. unique combinations of flavors and textures.


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> I gained weight while I was in Denver.
> 
> I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and I swear I was the fattest person I've ever met.


I bet you did--it's been such a cool and rainy summer here compared to AZ that no wonder you put on a little weight here! Just by not sweating out of every pore every hour of the day!


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> I bet you did--it's been such a cool and rainy summer here compared to AZ that no wonder you put on a little weight here! Just by not sweating out of every pore every hour of the day!


I enjoyed Denver. Nice town.


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> I enjoyed Denver. Nice town.


I saw that! It made the news this morning. Guess it's about monsoon season again, eh?


----------



## moxy

Latte and a novel for breakfast. Currently in the process of consumption. Sleeping in is awesome!


----------



## RandomDude

How about an eggs benedict with salmon? Mmmm craving...


----------



## ne9907

I am actually craving menudo, very spicy menudo....


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I am actually craving menudo, very spicy menudo....


that band is terrible :rofl:


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> I am actually craving menudo, very spicy menudo....


I'm not the only one! Menudo and posole can cure ANYTHING that ails you!


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I am actually craving menudo, very spicy menudo....


Craving menudo as well, except the white kind from Sonora, with a little chopped green onion and cilantro on top. Don't forget the limes! And a bolillo on the side por favor.


----------



## COGypsy

bravenewworld said:


> Craving menudo as well, except the white kind from Sonora, with a little chopped green onion and cilantro on top. Don't forget the limes! And a bolillo on the side por favor.


I've never had white menudo, but there's a place near my dad's house that has the best posole blanco in the whole entire world.

Now you or Ne needs to go eat some of this, take pictures and tell me all about it!!


----------



## bravenewworld

COGypsy said:


> I've never had white menudo, but there's a place near my dad's house that has the best posole blanco in the whole entire world.
> 
> Now you or Ne needs to go eat some of this, take pictures and tell me all about it!!


My Grandpa made the best menudo! I've tried to replicate, but it's just not the same. 

I need to find a place nearby that has a good recipe. Food adventure time!


----------



## COGypsy

bravenewworld said:


> My Grandpa made the best menudo! I've tried to replicate, but it's just not the same.
> 
> I need to find a place nearby that has a good recipe. Food adventure time!


It's the ingredients. It's hard to find the same kind of basic stuff they had back in the day. Like oregano. Go to the store now and there are three kinds of oregano on the spice shelf. None of which taste like the stuff my grandmother used. 

I've never tried to replicate menudo though. I don't think I could take the smell of the tripas cooking for so long. And I'm not sure what I would do with a whole pot of it. I mean, I like it, but I'd have to have a heck of a craving to consume an entire stock pot's worth!

God I miss food that actually tastes like something!


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> I've never had white menudo, but there's a place near my dad's house that has the best posole blanco in the whole entire world.
> 
> Now you or Ne needs to go eat some of this, take pictures and tell me all about it!!


Tell me where and I will make a roadtrip out of it!! 
My mom makes the best red pozole ever.... omg!!!!
I eat mine with tortilla chips, avocado, shredded cabbage, radishes, onion, lime, and lots and lots of hot sauce!



bravenewworld said:


> My Grandpa made the best menudo! I've tried to replicate, but it's just not the same.
> 
> I need to find a place nearby that has a good recipe. Food adventure time!


I also love my mom's menudo! But quite frankly, the best menudo Ive ever had was at Rio Casino in Vegas.... OMG!
I want some! sprinkle it with oregano...


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> Tell me where and I will make a roadtrip out of it!!
> My mom makes the best red pozole ever.... omg!!!!
> I eat mine with tortilla chips, avocado, shredded cabbage, radishes, onion, lime, and lots and lots of hot sauce!
> 
> 
> 
> I also love my mom's menudo! But quite frankly, the best menudo Ive ever had was at Rio Casino in Vegas.... OMG!
> I want some! sprinkle it with oregano...


A little place called Delicias in a strip mall on Redd Rd near Transmountain in El Paso. Super good everything there, but most of all they serve the posole blanco all day. Breakfast of Champions!!


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> A little place called Delicias in a strip mall on Redd Rd near Transmountain in El Paso. Super good everything there, but most of all they serve the posole blanco all day. Breakfast of Champions!!


aww too far away... maybe one day when I retire


----------



## bandit.45

I like menudo rojo and blanco both. I prefer the rojo. The chile brings together the flavors better, don't you think? For white menudo to be good, the tripe has to be super fvcking clean. I had a buddy growing up who's Tia made menudo blanco and she would soak the tripe in lye water to sterilize it and soften it. She made the Sonoran style where you ad the calve's foot. It was really good. Her white menudo was the only white menudo I've ever really liked. 

She also made tomales for sale. She would make you any kind you wanted. Green, red, masa and kernel corn only...any kind you wanted. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. I used to hunt javelina (desert peccary) and because the meat is so strong I would take it to her and she would boil the meat outdoors in an old oil drum (so it wouldn't stink up her house) then make red chile tomales with the javelina meat. It's the only way I will eat javelina.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Tell me where and I will make a roadtrip out of it!!
> My mom makes the best red pozole ever.... omg!!!!
> I eat mine with tortilla chips, avocado, shredded cabbage, radishes, onion, lime, and lots and lots of hot sauce!
> .


I like all that and I also like a good sprinkle of really salty queso cotija!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I like all that and I also like a good sprinkle of really salty queso cotija!


Ive never had queso with mine, I will have to try it. Cant wait for the weather to turn cold~


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Ive never had queso with mine, I will have to try it. Cant wait for the weather to turn cold~


I use cotija on everything. I love that salty taste. It's hard to find sometimes. When I see some I grab a couple of packages. When I was a kid we use to go shopping across the border and my dad would buy a couple of pounds of the stuff at a time.


----------



## COGypsy

I just bought a tub of cotija last night. I couldn't resist, I found "Fud" brand at the Mexican grocery by my office. That name just cracks me up. 

I'm hosting a dinner party tomorrow night for my supper club. I found skirt steak and Claude's sauce for the carnivores and nopalitos and calabacitas for the vegetarians. I'm thinking my Yankee supper club is in for quite a treat! :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> I just bought a tub of cotija last night. I couldn't resist, I found "Fud" brand at the Mexican grocery by my office. That name just cracks me up.
> 
> I'm hosting a dinner party tomorrow night for my supper club. I found skirt steak and Claude's sauce for the carnivores and nopalitos and calabacitas for the vegetarians. I'm thinking my Yankee supper club is in for quite a treat! :rofl:


I wanna attend that party! Everything sounds so good!!!

Whenever I get my own place, i am going to throw some "stargazing" parties....

I love Feta cheese, Cotija is good but I can never find a good cotija cheese.
I LOVE CHEESE btw


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I wanna attend that party! Everything sounds so good!!!
> 
> Whenever I get my own place, i am going to throw some "stargazing" parties....
> 
> I love Feta cheese, Cotija is good but I can never find a good cotija cheese.
> I LOVE CHEESE btw


The best cotija was the stuff my dad used to buy at the carneceria across the border. They would sell it in batches, like every Thursday or so, and you would have to get there early before they sold out. The old man who ran the place had his own goats and his wife made the cheese herself.


----------



## bandit.45

Fvck me...I'm hungry now!!!


----------



## Another Planet

JB and Bandit I just noticed JB has almost 20k posts and Bandit has almost 10k! How in the world have you posted that much? lol


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> JB and Bandit I just noticed JB has almost 20k posts and Bandit has almost 10k! How in the world have you posted that much? lol


Um....I'm a psycho.....


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> I like menudo rojo and blanco both. I prefer the rojo. The chile brings together the flavors better, don't you think? For white menudo to be good, the tripe has to be super fvcking clean. I had a buddy growing up who's Tia made menudo blanco and she would soak the tripe in lye water to sterilize it and soften it. She made the Sonoran style where you ad the calve's foot. It was really good. Her white menudo was the only white menudo I've ever really liked.
> 
> She also made tomales for sale. She would make you any kind you wanted. Green, red, masa and kernel corn only...any kind you wanted. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. I used to hunt javelina (desert peccary) and because the meat is so strong I would take it to her and she would boil the meat outdoors in an old oil drum (so it wouldn't stink up her house) then make red chile tomales with the javelina meat. It's the only way I will eat javelina.


My Grandpa would spend FOREVER cleaning the tripe. He had a rule about the calf foot though "Never serve the pata." 

Damn, now I want tamales! Breakfast style though where you put an over easy egg on top. Too bad my freezer stash from xmas is gone.


----------



## bravenewworld

Sort of had a rough moment last night - I couldn't sleep for some reason. I just really wanted someone to have sex with, cuddle, and fall asleep next to. 

For a brief moment considered I might be ready to put my dating profile back up, but decided to sleep on it. When I woke up in the morning knew I made the right decision. Nope, still not ready to date. 

I actually enjoy flying solo most of the time, but late nights and for some reason Saturday night in general can be a bit hard. Anyone else experiencing this? Maybe next time I'll watch a funny movie or something.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> My Grandpa would spend FOREVER cleaning the tripe. He had a rule about the calf foot though "Never serve the pata."
> 
> Damn, now I want tamales! Breakfast style though where you put an over easy egg on top. Too bad my freezer stash from xmas is gone.


 like my tamales deep fried.... I know that is not healthy at all, but that is how I like them.
With coffee or champurado..... 
Now, I am super extra hungry.


----------



## COGypsy

I was considering making up a batch of chile rellenos tonight to go with the goodies for tomorrow. I've decided I can't have them in my house right now though. Kind of a bummer because it makes me happy to make them and even happier to eat them-- fresh, cold in the morning on a tortilla with refritos, warmed up with an egg on top, right out of the bag....any way you get 'em, they're pretty amazing. I'm just pretty sure that if I made them, most of them would not make it til morning. 

That's okay though. Carrots and hummus loaded up with sriracha and red pepper flakes is almost the same thing....right?....right??


----------



## moxy

Brave -- I feel like that sometimes. Good for you that you waited to be sure you were acting on logic rather than impulse!

Everyone -- y'all have made me totally hungry, now!


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Sort of had a rough moment last night - I couldn't sleep for some reason. I just really wanted someone to have sex with, cuddle, and fall asleep next to.
> 
> For a brief moment considered I might be ready to put my dating profile back up, but decided to sleep on it. When I woke up in the morning knew I made the right decision. Nope, still not ready to date.
> 
> I actually enjoy flying solo most of the time, but late nights and for some reason Saturday night in general can be a bit hard. Anyone else experiencing this? Maybe next time I'll watch a funny movie or something.


I have felt the need to have someone to love, just last night I missed the feeling of being in love.
However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Iam not ready because Iam.still learning to love myself.
I have no room to love anybody else yet, self love is difficult for me to achieve and while I am working on loving myself I cannot pretend to love someone else.
I care about people I have already met, I still love ex boyfriend but it is a different love.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I have felt the need to have someone to love, just last night I missed the feeling of being in love.
> However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Iam not ready because Iam.still learning to love myself.
> I have no room to love anybody else yet, self love is difficult for me to achieve and while I am working on loving myself I cannot pretend to love someone else.
> I care about people I have already met, I still love ex boyfriend but it is a different love.


Wow! Ne, seriously. Stop reading my mind.:rofl:

It's going to take time. You know that. The main thing here is to learn to accept being alone without feeling like you have to be in love. It would feel nice to fall in love, but it's not going to help you work on your core issues or get over your divorce.

In the process you'll also learn where your personal boundaries stand what you do and do not feel comfortable with in any type of relationship. Before you may have had your blinder on, but you'll find out what point you can say "STOP! I don't like that." My personal example of this is with women who are so sexual up front that it turns me off. There's no chase, and there's not enough respect first.


----------



## Arendt

Nsweet said:


> My personal example of this is with women who are so sexual up front that it turns me off. There's no chase, and there's not enough respect first.


Glad I am not the only guy here who feels that way (I think we might be sort of less common). You put this well. It is not putting sex on a pedestal, which waiting can do as if it is too holy and such to act out, but just recognizing that it creates stronger bonds between people a lot of times, and I'd prefer to have trust and respect there if that is going to happen.

ne9907: Good thoughts on yourself. I hope you surround yourself with people who lift you up too. You also deserve and need good friends in general .


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld said:


> I actually enjoy flying solo most of the time, but late nights and for some reason Saturday night in general can be a bit hard. Anyone else experiencing this? Maybe next time I'll watch a funny movie or something.


Sounds to me like you are doing pretty well actually. 

Do you have HBO? Bored to Death is hilarious. An author who moonlights as a private detective.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Glad I am not the only guy here who feels that way (I think we might be sort of less common). You put this well. It is not putting sex on a pedestal, which waiting can do as if it is too holy and such to act out, but just recognizing that it creates stronger bonds between people a lot of times, and I'd prefer to have trust and respect there if that is going to happen.
> 
> ne9907: Good thoughts on yourself. I hope you surround yourself with people who lift you up too. You also deserve and need good friends in general .


I have a ready cool co worker, she is very thoughtful and we listen to each other. My priority at the moment is Ne!

Btw, today I found out ex husband is in a serious relationship. At first, fear ripped my body, but I was able to recognize my fear and the source of it, I am gettigetting better every day. I am not jealous, I am not sad, I am not afraid, I am content.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I have a ready cool co worker, she is very thoughtful and we listen to each other. My priority at the moment is Ne!
> *
> Btw, today I found out ex husband is in a serious relationship. At first, fear ripped my body, but I was able to recognize my fear and the source of it, I am gettigetting better every day. I am not jealous, I am not sad, I am not afraid, I am content.*


Eh, just remember that YOU know what she is getting into.


----------



## moxy

Ne, that's tough to hear about. However, you have also moved on. So, it looks like you may find some closure as you accept this news.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Eh, just remember that YOU know what she is getting into.


That is true. However, I am not a vindictive person. Hate only hurts me, Ino llonger wish to a victim or have any ill feelings inside my soul. I have let go. I actually think it is a good thing he found someone.



moxy said:


> Ne, that's tough to hear about. However, you have also moved on. So, it looks like you may find some closure as you accept this news.


Ive had closure for a while, the fear I felt initially was due to the.erroneous thought that.nobody will ever love me like he did. But I already love me like he did once, and I am not even touching the base of this iceberg of love yet..


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Btw, today I found out ex husband is in a serious relationship. At first, fear ripped my body, but I was able to recognize my fear and the source of it, I am gettigetting better every day. I am not jealous, I am not sad, I am not afraid, I am content.


My ex has also been in a serious relationship since about a month after I moved out. Oddly enough, not with his affair partner. 

Like you, after the initial shock I was able to process and let go of any feelings regarding it. Isn't it odd how the people most effed up in the head find someone new lickety split? Actually, maybe not. People like that tend to hate to be alone. Strong people can deal with loneliness and other negative emotions without requiring human pacifiers. 

When I look at the photos of her I see the type of girl he wanted me to be - extremely serious, a bit dour, and Ivy league education. Big time "stick up the butt" syndrome. But I am me - happy, smiley, silly, unpretentious, artsy, and free!

It's great to be me again.


----------



## ne9907

Gosh sorry for the puntuation marks everywhere and spelling. My phone sucks!


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Sounds to me like you are doing pretty well actually.
> 
> Do you have HBO? Bored to Death is hilarious. An author who moonlights as a private detective.


I have not seen but it sounds good! Oddly enough, a friend just gave me her HBO Go password. I will check it out!


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Ive had closure for a while, the fear I felt initially was due to the.erroneous thought that.nobody will ever love me like he did. But I already love me like he did once, and I am not even touching the base of this iceberg of love yet..


You'll find a better love than that man or it ain't worth it . You got good priorities too. 



ne9907 said:


> Gosh sorry for the puntuation marks everywhere and spelling. My phone sucks!


Spoken like a true English major. But it isn't Harper's magazine here . Nor is it the grad program in your future 


So how did you folks find out your exes have new people? If mine found a new man...not sure what I would think. Surprised maybe. All the women in her family are divorced and stayed that way: they don't even date. Legs and minds closed for good. Geez. I assume she'll follow the family pattern. I hope she's happy regardless of her path. She will not damage the other person. He'll be a lucky guy actually. I think I can say that without any hint any more of regret or longing for her back. That's gone. Just well wishes from a distant mind is all.

PS: My iphone auto"corrected" yesterday to this "word": "slewsy" (supposed to be "already"). What?!


----------



## RandomDude

Meh

Romantic love is so alien to me now, to the point after reading your post ne9907, almost led me to insensitively shake my head.

Kinda made me realise how cold I've become...

Personally if my ex found herself recommitted in a LTR I'll be rather meh as I've been meh for quite a long time now. I would be excited if only for the fact that she'll stop stalling our divorce forms.


----------



## Jellybeans

Isn't there something you can do via the courts to make her stop stalling? Compel her to respond or something? Have the judge move it along?


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> PS: My iphone auto"corrected" yesterday to this "word": "slewsy" (supposed to be "already"). What?!


Autocorrect is so horrible. What about when you keep typing the same word wrong. Gosh, that is so annoying.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Isn't there something you can do via the courts to make her stop stalling? Compel her to respond or something? Have the judge move it along?


I wonder what the laws are where he is, I was able to divorce my second husband without any signature or acknowledgement from him at all!


----------



## movealong

So, my one month trial subscription on zoosk runs out Saturday. Not renewing.

Canceled match.com.

POF is done.

OurTime ran out.

and that's that.

It was fun, but I figured out why I didn't like it. It was too much like being a kid in a candy store; too many flavors and shiny wrappings to really get a good feel for what would be really good.

I have met two, surprisingly on zoosk, that have been good. One of them is a new "relationship" for lack of a better term, and the other is one that "could" turn into more if we were closer.

The good thing is I went to my sister's 25th HS reunion to see all her friends that used to hang around the house with her. Quite a few were single, and the one's that weren't "just knew" someone that would be perfect for me! LOL! But the best one was her friend that is a hair stylist. She asked me what I was looking for and said she'd be on the look out for her single clients, lmao!

So, for now, the online thing is going by the way side.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> So, my one month trial subscription on zoosk runs out Saturday. Not renewing.
> 
> Canceled match.com.
> 
> POF is done.
> 
> OurTime ran out.
> 
> and that's that.
> 
> It was fun, but I figured out why I didn't like it. It was too much like being a kid in a candy store; too many flavors and shiny wrappings to really get a good feel for what would be really good.
> 
> I have met two, surprisingly on zoosk, that have been good. One of them is a new "relationship" for lack of a better term, and the other is one that "could" turn into more if we were closer.
> 
> The good thing is I went to my sister's 25th HS reunion to see all her friends that used to hang around the house with her. Quite a few were single, and the one's that weren't "just knew" someone that would be perfect for me! LOL! But the best one was her friend that is a hair stylist. She asked me what I was looking for and said she'd be on the look out for her single clients, lmao!
> 
> So, for now, the online thing is going by the way side.


I felt a tremendous amount of peace when I stopped the whole online thing!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I wonder what the laws are where he is, I was able to divorce my second husband without any signature or acknowledgement from him at all!


I've come to realize that the divorce laws in other states are much more draconian than in my own. Here, if we've lived separately for at least one year, I could divorce my spouse without any input or participation from him at all.

The divorce laws here are all no-fault and very user-friendly.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> It was fun, but I figured out why I didn't like it. It was too much like being a kid in a candy store; too many flavors and shiny wrappings to really get a good feel for what would be really good.


:iagree:

It's way too much going on, too many chats, and hard to keep them all straight/together/remember each one. 

Ah, dating in the time of technology.


----------



## ne9907

I am not the dating kind. Haha, seriously. I do not enjoying meeting men.... my problem is that I try to impress them right off the bat. I sort of put my seductive persona on and this drains my energy. Well, that is what I used to do. Havent had a "date" since Mid May.

Ugh, I am still a bit angry.... but calming myself with rational thoughts


----------



## Jellybeans

Stop trying so hard, Ne. It's funny but when I feel I have zero attraction to someone I am more myself and they totally end up being into me. I know all of you can relate, too.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I am not the dating kind. Haha, seriously. I do not enjoying meeting men.... my problem is that I try to impress them right off the bat. *I sort of put my seductive persona on and this drains my energy.* Well, that is what I used to do. Havent had a "date" since Mid May.
> 
> Ugh, I am still a bit angry.... but calming myself with rational thoughts


That is the sort of turn off I was talking about. The reason why is because I know that women who act too seductive and too sexual right from the start have a lot of insecurities and issues they are trying to hide. It's like _"Let's have sex now, then later on I can show you how crazy I really am."_

And that was exactly how I fell for my all my exes.... And why I thought it was a good idea to marry my ex wife after only knowing her in person and having sex with her everyday for a week. 

Ne, I'll tell you right now. You don't need to try and impress any man. I could tell from the start you have a bright and bubbly personality and you're really cool. I like you, why don't you like you?


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Isn't there something you can do via the courts to make her stop stalling? Compel her to respond or something? Have the judge move it along?


I'm avoiding court at all costs remember? Besides we're at a stalemate because of our daughter.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> That is the sort of turn off I was talking about. The reason why is because I know that women who act too seductive and too sexual right from the start have a lot of insecurities and issues they are trying to hide. It's like _"Let's have sex now, then later on I can show you how crazy I really am."_
> 
> And that was exactly how I fell for my all my exes.... And why I thought it was a good idea to marry my ex wife after only knowing her in person and having sex with her everyday for a week.
> 
> Ne, I'll tell you right now. You don't need to try and impress any man. I could tell from the start you have a bright and bubbly personality and you're really cool. I like you,* why don't you like you*?


I do like me a lot more than before, I even love me, but definitely not enough.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Stop trying so hard, Ne. It's funny but when I feel I have zero attraction to someone I am more myself and they totally end up being into me. I know all of you can relate, too.



Big time. If I really like someone, I get self-conscious and over-analyze things. When I'm not as into someone, I can hang back and not worry so much. I know that they say love makes you feel like you can be yourself or whatever, but even if I am comfortable enough to be myself, I'm kinda afraid of being abandoned or not measuring up in some way. So, I end up acting detached or scarce, despite my feelings; always, the inverse. :/ I know it has to do with FOO issues, for me because around them, when I am not useful or not conforming, I'm rejected. Yay dysfunction! I do, however, love myself and, most if the time, I don't give a dam* whether anyone else does or not; family or lovers, however, bring out my anxieties. These anxieties were amplified by the breakdown of my marriage. Anyway, I didn't realize these issues much until I started to care for someone; but man...communication is hard when you're a scaredycat. I wish I could just be more forthcoming about feelings in person (on the page, I'm all good!).


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> So, my one month trial subscription on zoosk runs out Saturday. Not renewing.
> 
> Canceled match.com.
> 
> POF is done.
> 
> OurTime ran out.
> 
> and that's that.
> 
> It was fun, but I figured out why I didn't like it. It was too much like being a kid in a candy store; too many flavors and shiny wrappings to really get a good feel for what would be really good.


I canceled all the online things too (I want to see where things go with one particular person now). Too many options...not a bad problem to have though movealong is it?


----------



## movealong

What the h3ll is it with POF? I got another message asking me if we went out could she rub my (bald) head. That was the entirety of the message. That's the third time I have received a message with similar content. Glad to be closing down the accounts.


----------



## movealong

Arendt said:


> I canceled all the online things too (I want to see where things go with one particular person now). Too many options...not a bad problem to have though movealong is it?


It was fun, now it is getting boring and stupid. LOL!


----------



## Arendt

Nsweet said:


> Ne, I'll tell you right now. You don't need to try and impress any man. I could tell from the start you have a bright and bubbly personality and you're really cool. I like you, why don't you like you?


Yes. 



movealong said:


> It was fun, now it is getting boring and stupid. LOL!


 And it gets too much if more than one wants to get with you. I'm into this Guatemalan woman...really into her, but this morning I got a "good morning" text from some other woman...I told her yesterday I was not interested damn it.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> Big time. If I really like someone, I get self-conscious and over-analyze things. When I'm not as into someone, I can hang back and not worry so much. I know that they say love makes you feel like you can be yourself or whatever, but even if I am comfortable enough to be myself, I'm kinda afraid of being abandoned or not measuring up in some way. So, I end up acting detached or scarce, despite my feelings; always, the inverse. :/ I know it has to do with FOO issues, for me because around them, when I am not useful or not conforming, I'm rejected. Yay dysfunction! I do, however, love myself and, most if the time, I don't give a dam* whether anyone else does or not; family or lovers, however, bring out my anxieties. These anxieties were amplified by the breakdown of my marriage. Anyway, I didn't realize these issues much until I started to care for someone; but man...communication is hard when you're a scaredycat. I wish I could just be more forthcoming about feelings in person (on the page, I'm all good!).


I enjoy reading your posts and thoughts. Always helpful. The other night I was talking with the woman I am seeing now, and she was all nervous and scared to tell me she's starting college next week and taking 4 classes. Her time will be more limited. I'm like, are you kidding me? I am an expert at this stuff. Ever heard of study buddies? I have a dissertation to write. this is perfect! And hell yeah...what could make a mountain climbing kickboxing sexy Latina more interesting to me? A little more education...no problem at all  I could't believe she was nervous to tell me. Over analyzing **** on her part I think.


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> I'm avoiding court at all costs remember? Besides we're at a stalemate because of our daughter.


Mediation? I don't know what the laws are in Oz, RD, but you may just get to the point where you don't care about avoiding court, or, GASP!, actually meet someone you want to be iwth and you will start tredging through the paperwork to GET 'ER DONE. LOL.

But seriously--do you just not care to get the divorce so that's why you're fine with her not signing on her end? What is the stalemate about? Try another approach, talking to her or something, to see if you can come to an agreement. 



Nsweet said:


> The reason why is because I know that women who act too seductive and too sexual right from the start have a lot of insecurities and issues they are trying to hide. *It's like "Let's have sex now, then later on I can show you how crazy I really am."*


:rofl:



ne9907 said:


> I do like me a lot more than before, I even love me, but definitely not enough.


Ne, it may do you a bit of good to just be on your own, as a single for a little. Not sleeping with anyone. Clear your head. I've not doub you are probably still upset by the end of your marriage (you're not divorced yet are you)?, and just really go through those feelings first w/o involving another man . You will rebuild yourself and feel so much better once you work through those feelings/what happened.



moxy said:


> I know that they say love makes you feel like you can be yourself or whatever


Or it just makes you feel STOOPID.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> My ex has also been in a serious relationship since about a month after I moved out. Oddly enough, not with his affair partner.
> 
> Like you, after the initial shock I was able to process and let go of any feelings regarding it. Isn't it odd how the people most effed up in the head find someone new lickety split? Actually, maybe not. People like that tend to hate to be alone. Strong people can deal with loneliness and other negative emotions without requiring human pacifiers.
> 
> When I look at the photos of her I see the type of girl he wanted me to be - extremely serious, a bit dour, and Ivy league education. Big time "stick up the butt" syndrome. But I am me - happy, smiley, silly, unpretentious, artsy, and free!
> 
> It's great to be me again.


My XH started dating right away (while we separated and supposed to be dating each other/working on our relationship). During this time, I discovered that he had lied about the time gap between me and his former girlfriend. He had told me they had been broken up for a year before he met me... it was really more like three months. He said that his separation from me (before he started dating the new woman) was the longest span of time that he had ever been single. Not even four months.



Arendt said:


> So how did you folks find out your exes have new people? If mine found a new man...not sure what I would think. Surprised maybe. All the women in her family are divorced and stayed that way: they don't even date. Legs and minds closed for good. Geez. I assume she'll follow the family pattern. I hope she's happy regardless of her path. She will not damage the other person. He'll be a lucky guy actually. I think I can say that without any hint any more of regret or longing for her back. That's gone. Just well wishes from a distant mind is all.


Not proud of this... but I hacked his email and Facebook accounts. I wasn't looking for this info, I just happened to find it. Basically, ALL of our mutual friends had shut me out, and he wasn't holding up his end on our separation terms, and I felt like I needed to find out what sh!t he was saying to our friends about me.

Not my proudest moment, but I'm glad that I did it, and if I had the chance to do that over... well, I would probably do the same thing. I was able to move on a lot faster once my eyes were open and I knew the truth about him.


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> she was all nervous and scared to tell me she's starting college next week and taking 4 classes. Her time will be more limited. I'm like, are you kidding me? I am an expert at this stuff. *Ever heard of study buddies*?


Oh is that what they're calling it now?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Or it just makes you feel STOOPID.


 :lol: This has been my experience, LOL!


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> What the h3ll is it with POF? I got another message asking me if we went out could she rub my (bald) head. That was the entirety of the message. That's the third time I have received a message with similar content. Glad to be closing down the accounts.


Hot fireman said he got some CRAZY messages from girls on POF. There's one he went out with a few times before he met me, and she's still messaging him, even though he told her he didn't want to see her anymore.

I might have to have a talk with her...


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I enjoy reading your posts and thoughts. Always helpful. The other night I was talking with the woman I am seeing now, and she was all nervous and scared to tell me she's starting college next week and taking 4 classes. Her time will be more limited. I'm like, are you kidding me? I am an expert at this stuff. Ever heard of study buddies? I have a dissertation to write. this is perfect! And hell yeah...what could make a mountain climbing kickboxing sexy Latina more interesting to me? A little more education...no problem at all  I could't believe she was nervous to tell me. Over analyzing **** on her part I think.


It sounds to me that she might be intimidated by the difference in your education levels, or embarrassed by her lack of education compared to you. As if you might think that her attempts at college-level work is puny and diminutive, compared to someone finishing his dissertation.

I'm not saying that it makes sense, but I can see where she's coming from. I felt that way for a LONG time... I had to take a break from my education, a few classes shy of my BA. Several years later, I was able to go back and finish, but it was a great source of shame for me for a really long time. Even after I finished my degree, if it came up in conversation - specifically if I was speaking with people who had a masters or PhD - ultimately, someone would say, "Oh, so you were a _drop-out_?" No, you motherfvcker, I wasn't a drop-out, I grew up in a really poor family and didn't have the money to finish, and I needed to find another way to do it.

You would not believe the number of people that will treat you like sh!t if you don't have a college degree. Her fear to tell you about going to school might be more than that, though, depending on her background and life experiences...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> It sounds to me that she might be intimidated by the difference in your education levels, or embarrassed by her lack of education compared to you. As if you might think that her attempts at college-level work is puny and diminutive, compared to someone finishing his dissertation.


I took her hesitation to mean that she was afraid he might get upset about her time being taken up by classes.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I might have to have a talk with her...


:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I took her hesitation to mean that she was afraid he might get upset about her time being taken up by classes.


Well, if that's what she's worried about, then she might have some other (co-dependency?) issues to work out...

EDIT: But it is possible that I was projecting on her when I read Arendt's post.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> I might have to have a talk with her...
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:
Click to expand...

I could take her. Totally. Don't mess with my hot fireman.

EDIT: I lived in Baltimore, yo. I can ghetto if I need to.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh I believe you. 'Specially in that Wonder Woman outfit. LOL.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I could take her. Totally. Don't mess with my hot fireman.
> 
> EDIT: I lived in Baltimore, yo. I can ghetto if I need to.


Haha, LOVE IT!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Not proud of this... but I hacked his email and Facebook accounts. I wasn't looking for this info, I just happened to find it. Basically, ALL of our mutual friends had shut me out, and he wasn't holding up his end on our separation terms, and I felt like I needed to find out what sh!t he was saying to our friends about me.
> 
> .


I actually disbanded all of our mutual friends last year, it was very easy. Weird thing is the other day one of our mutual friends sent me a friend request. I accepted. I like him, and was always polite and very friendly towards me. 

Weird thing that annoys me, is that people who did not know me are so happy he is in a "relationship" saying how he deserves to be happy! 
I know better, it shoudl not annoy me. It should not annoy me to see that these people believe i was such a deplorable wife. 
However, the good friends, the ones who know the real me are quiet and not saying anything at all.
I like that.Loyalty. Even thought, I am not longer friends with them.
Oh yeah, this is all on FB btw.... 

Next week I see my best Army girlfriend in Dallas!!! Yay!! Very excited!!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Autocorrect is so horrible. What about when you keep typing the same word wrong. Gosh, that is so annoying.


:rofl:

The other day, blue eyes invited me to catch a movie/dinner. So I replied with what I thought was "sure, i will get ready and be on my way"
Auto correct translated it to "i will get ready and Erik will be there"

It was funny! He simply replied with "I dont know who Erik is, but he can't come"


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I actually disbanded all of our mutual friends last year, it was very easy. Weird thing is the other day one of our mutual friends sent me a friend request. I accepted. I like him, and was always polite and very friendly towards me.
> 
> Weird thing that annoys me, is that people who did not know me are so happy he is in a "relationship" saying how he deserves to be happy!
> I know better, it shoudl not annoy me. It should not annoy me to see that these people believe i was such a deplorable wife.
> However, the good friends, the ones who know the real me are quiet and not saying anything at all.
> I like that.Loyalty. Even thought, I am not longer friends with them.
> Oh yeah, this is all on FB btw....
> 
> Next week I see my best Army girlfriend in Dallas!!! Yay!! Very excited!!


There actually were a few mutual friends who stuck with me; people who saw him for who he really was. The rest, well... I guess they were never really my friends to begin with, were they? So it wasn't really much of a loss, I suppose. 

There are one or two people that I really do miss, and I think they miss me, too... but they were his friends first, and so they will remain, even if they disagree with my XH's behavior. Oh, well.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Mediation? I don't know what the laws are in Oz, RD, but you may just get to the point where you don't care about avoiding court, or, GASP!, actually meet someone you want to be iwth and you will start tredging through the paperwork to GET 'ER DONE. LOL.
> 
> But seriously--do you just not care to get the divorce so that's why you're fine with her not signing on her end? What is the stalemate about? Try another approach, talking to her or something, to see if you can come to an agreement.


Ha! I'm actually waiting for her to find someone herself so she'll get the paperwork done. For me? Meh

I'm happy waiting her out as pushing her may jeopardise our rather fragile co-parenting arrangements by taking her to court. Quite frankly I don't really care as I'm in no rush, I have a FWB and no longer interested in lovey dovey sh-t

It's only a matter of time before ex finds someone then the divorce will proceed, yet it's just paperwork and I see no change in my life due to it.


----------



## moxy

RD, how long have you been in a stalemate? After a couple of years, it will get really frustrating because you'll start to feel the limbo.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> So, my one month trial subscription on zoosk runs out Saturday. Not renewing.
> 
> Canceled match.com.
> 
> POF is done.
> 
> OurTime ran out.
> 
> and that's that.
> 
> It was fun, but I figured out why I didn't like it. It was too much like being a kid in a candy store; too many flavors and shiny wrappings to really get a good feel for what would be really good.
> 
> I have met two, surprisingly on zoosk, that have been good. One of them is a new "relationship" for lack of a better term, and the other is one that "could" turn into more if we were closer.
> 
> The good thing is I went to my sister's 25th HS reunion to see all her friends that used to hang around the house with her. Quite a few were single, and the one's that weren't "just knew" someone that would be perfect for me! LOL! But the best one was her friend that is a hair stylist. She asked me what I was looking for and said she'd be on the look out for her single clients, lmao!
> 
> So, for now, the online thing is going by the way side.


I don't know, it worked for me. I think you have to think a certain way about it and not glorify what it is. 
We had a long discussion about my profile also at one point here. I treated it as a means to not just meet women but meet friends also, and that I did. I do have to say since getting hooked up they have for the most part moved on BUT I treated it a little more casual and less serious then most I think. 
Point is it can work.


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> You'll find a better love than that man or it ain't worth it . You got good priorities too.
> 
> 
> 
> Spoken like a true English major. But it isn't Harper's magazine here . Nor is it the grad program in your future
> 
> 
> So how did you folks find out your exes have new people? If mine found a new man...not sure what I would think. Surprised maybe. All the women in her family are divorced and stayed that way: they don't even date. Legs and minds closed for good. Geez. I assume she'll follow the family pattern. I hope she's happy regardless of her path. She will not damage the other person. He'll be a lucky guy actually. I think I can say that without any hint any more of regret or longing for her back. That's gone. Just well wishes from a distant mind is all.
> 
> PS: My iphone auto"corrected" yesterday to this "word": "slewsy" (supposed to be "already"). What?!


I just want my exWife to meet someone so she will loose any type of attention she has towards me so she stops meddling in my GF and I's life...Crazy ass woman smh
Can't say I would exactly feel happy for her...more feel sorry for the new dude.


----------



## whitehawk

Does she know and meddle a bit AP ?

Wow , that would be so bizarre !

l couldn't imagine my ex anywhere near me with someone new . l think she actually wants me to meet someone. like she has any clue what l even get upto anyway now but she seems to think l'm just fading away on my own , all sad bored and lonely .

Hu , if she had any idea of the girls l have met though , she should know me far better than that . l actually even told her awhile back l didn't wanna hook up yet . When would you believe her best friend asked me out , how kinda creepy was that .


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD, how long have you been in a stalemate? After a couple of years, it will get really frustrating because you'll start to feel the limbo.


Coming to two years now, but remember in Aus we have to be seperated for at least a year before we can consider divorce - and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she gives in and signs the form. 

For now I just can't be bothered with court and I'm happy with our current arrangements.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh , yours hasn't even been that long rd , l only just got mine a mth ago and even that was pretty quick. l think we sep' before you guys did. Only 18mths though all up from the day we sep.

Ex pushed it but the weird thing is , l've never known her to look as miserable as she looks lately. She's normally a happy bubbly person , lately she's just a downer,
grumpy, from what l see anyway .


----------



## moxy

RD -- Hopefully, soon for you.
WH -- Too bad she's grumpy; you seem happy, though.

I stopped being such a chicken and texted Guy. He was happy to hear from me and happens to be working out of town at the moment, but we have a date this weekend -- one in which we might be in public, even, for part of it. Is it terrible that all I wanna do is jump his bones? Speaking of sexting... ;p well, it was fun stuff indeed. It appears that he does like more direct conversation, so, maybe I'm getting the hang of things, finally. He moved to a new place; weird that he didn't tell me that until after I texted him? Like...is it weird that he didn't text me to tell me he changed addresses? It's not out of the blue, and he did tell me when we talked,but, still, why didn't he share that with me earlier? But, He referred to himself as my man and I've been grinning like a fool all evening. Lol. I know, so silly. Ahh, limerence.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah it's weird mox , she wanted this yet now she seems miserable .

Good luck with guy.

l'm holding out for beach girl .


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> The other day, blue eyes invited me to catch a movie/dinner. So I replied with what I thought was "sure, i will get ready and be on my way"
> Auto correct translated it to "i will get ready and Erik will be there"
> 
> It was funny! He simply replied with "I dont know who Erik is, but he can't come"


Funny! :rofl:



moxy said:


> we have a date this weekend -- one in which we might be in public, even, for part of it.
> 
> He moved to a new place; weird that he didn't tell me that until after I texted him? Like...is it weird that he didn't text me to tell me he changed addresses? It's not out of the blue, and he did tell me when we talked,but, still, why didn't he share that with me earlier?


To me, it doesn't seem that weird because it doesn't seem like you guys communicate all that frequently. Sounds like a classic FWB situation. I say get you some since that is what is going to make you happy. Just don't put all your eggs in this basket, Moxy. 



RandomDude said:


> Ha! I'm actually waiting for her to find someone herself so she'll get the paperwork done. .


This sounds like my colleague. She and her husband separated a million years ago and didn't divorce for about another 7 or 10 years. She said one day, all of a sudden, he started pushing for the big D and she found it so odd. I told her, "He probably met someone." Indeed. It came out that he had, in fact, met someone, who wasn't keen on the idea he was still married, even after all these years of not living with his wife.



whitehawk said:


> l'm holding out for beach girl .


Why wait? Ask her out. As the kids say, YOLO (which, by the way, is now in the dictionary): http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...line-dictionary-include-cray-yolo-and-adorbs/


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> This sounds like my colleague. She and her husband separated a million years ago and didn't divorce for about another 7 or 10 years. She said one day, all of a sudden, he started pushing for the big D and she found it so odd. I told her, "He probably met someone." Indeed. It came out that he had, in fact, met someone, who wasn't keen on the idea he was still married, even after all these years of not living with his wife.


I dont understand WHY people do this! I know someone who was with his now-wife for YEARS before she bothered to get a divorce from the first husband! (they are a real mess now, huge soap opera) Why wouldnt you just want to cut that connection??


----------



## Jellybeans

She said they just weren't motivated to do it and were ok with. I don't get it either though. Lol. I wouldn't want that personally.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Funny! :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why wait? Ask her out. As the kids say, YOLO (which, by the way, is now in the dictionary): SMH: The newest additions to the Oxford online dictionary include ‘cray,’ ‘YOLO’ and ‘adorbs’ - The Washington Post



Haha , our kids won't be saying that that's for sure , far from it.
I have to catch her again. Can't call her , can't get her number but not only , l'm not sure what her sitch is either at home with her ex , if he is still ex.
Best just catch her down the beach casually first , find out what's going on. Hopefully this wk/e


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> She said they just weren't motivated to do it and were ok with. I don't get it either though. Lol. I wouldn't want that personally.



l get it . l would've stalled mine longer. Although l don't think everyone that hasn't is always stalling, some just can't be fkd, l was like that too.
Some need time , some may not be 100% sure , lots of reasons.
l think it's smart bc a lot of people split up over nothing or have just lost the plot for a few yrs like we did .
ln many cases it's savable if they want to or decide they might later after some time.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> I stopped being such a chicken and texted Guy. He was happy to hear from me and happens to be working out of town at the moment, but we have a date this weekend -- one in which we might be in public, even, for part of it. Is it terrible that all I wanna do is jump his bones? Speaking of sexting... ;p well, it was fun stuff indeed. It appears that he does like more direct conversation, so, maybe I'm getting the hang of things, finally. He moved to a new place; weird that he didn't tell me that until after I texted him? Like...is it weird that he didn't text me to tell me he changed addresses? It's not out of the blue, and he did tell me when we talked,but, still, why didn't he share that with me earlier? But, He referred to himself as my man and I've been grinning like a fool all evening. Lol. I know, so silly. Ahh, limerence.





Jellybeans said:


> To me, it doesn't seem that weird because it doesn't seem like you guys communicate all that frequently. Sounds like a classic FWB situation. I say get you some since that is what is going to make you happy. Just don't put all your eggs in this basket, Moxy.


:iagree:

If you want it to be more you should just talk frankly and see if he wants that too. If not...I don't think it is odd he didn't tell you at all. He feels no obligation at this point. I'm not sure it is a good sign that he does want more, but you never know till you ask if that is what you want.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> It sounds to me that she might be intimidated by the difference in your education levels, or embarrassed by her lack of education compared to you. As if you might think that her attempts at college-level work is puny and diminutive, compared to someone finishing his dissertation.
> 
> I'm not saying that it makes sense, but I can see where she's coming from. I felt that way for a LONG time... I had to take a break from my education, a few classes shy of my BA. Several years later, I was able to go back and finish, but it was a great source of shame for me for a really long time. Even after I finished my degree, if it came up in conversation - specifically if I was speaking with people who had a masters or PhD - ultimately, someone would say, "Oh, so you were a _drop-out_?" No, you motherfvcker, I wasn't a drop-out, I grew up in a really poor family and didn't have the money to finish, and I needed to find another way to do it.
> 
> You would not believe the number of people that will treat you like sh!t if you don't have a college degree. Her fear to tell you about going to school might be more than that, though, depending on her background and life experiences...


Yeah that could be part of it. I hadn't thought of it. I think she was worried I would think she didn't have any time to see me further mostly. She did say, though, when we first met that my PhD status was intimidating and she almost did not respond to my message (she sent one of those "interested" things so I responded). I assured her that I have no interest in talking about that stuff right now (at the end of a dissertation...its like the end of a marathon..it sucks...just finish...finish or die...but don't talk to me about anything related to it).


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne, it may do you a bit of good to just be on your own, as a single for a little. Not sleeping with anyone. Clear your head. I've not doub you are probably still upset by the end of your marriage (you're not divorced yet are you)?, and just really go through those feelings first w/o involving another man . You will rebuild yourself and feel so much better once you work through those feelings/what happened.


I do feel much better today. It is unerstandable that I became upset upon seeing the lovely face of ex's new woman. She is indeed beautiful, she also had a procedure which increased the size of her bossom to D, they used to be A. She was able to do this, with the money she received when her second ex husband killed himself after she cheated on him with multiple men. It actually took me longer to assure her identity because just two weeks ago she was posting on another man's page lovely surrenders and calling him my one and only, my fiancee.

Ouch!!! Did you just read the venom emanating from my fingers? 
The reality is that is beautiful and I felt sad and jealous because of her good looks. I am mostly over that now. She does have a very shady past, but I hope she has reformed. 

I have also devoted too much of my free time thinking of them. I shall stop that inmediately. Force shield activated!! (around my mind and heart)


----------



## Arendt

NE: take a look in the mirror. You have nothing to be jealous about. That woman might be pretty, but she's in for some hell. You on the other hand...the world is at your feet.

The "venom" was pretty funny. :rofl:


----------



## Hoosier

NE: Multiple men? That type rarely if EVER reforms. He will just be another name on the list soon.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Its awful quiet in here today! Hey, where the hell has Muskrat been??


----------



## Jellybeans

Did someone say it was quiet? 

Put your party hats on, ya'll, and make some NOIIIISE.


----------



## moxy

It is quiet today. I'm enjoying my day off: watching videos ("Outlander" which is messing with my heartstrings and "True Blood") and reading a novel (literary fiction, offsetting the fluff). Later, I will write for a while, take a bubble bath, go out to a bar with a friend because I haven't seen her in a while and catching up will be nice. Tomorrow, I have to get back to work because I have some deadlines ahead of me. 

Still in a good mood from my pleasant chat with Guy last night. I'm going to try to be less afraid of initiating conversation. I'm not going to pin all my hopes and dreams on him, but, he's only here for a couple more months and so I'm going to try to be "all in" for those few months, I think; that is, I'm not really enjoying chatting up other dudes and reigning in my feelings with him, so I think I'll just be in this while it's happening (whatever it is) and not worry about the future one way or another. I don't know what will happen once he leaves here because where he's going is scary and we aren't constant communicators at this point, but...I know I'll regret it if I hold back before then -- besides, if all he wants is to stay FWB/casual, I can accept it and modify my expectations. Carpe Noctem, I guess.


----------



## ne9907

It has been pretty crazy at work! Just now grabbing some lunch.
All is quiet in the homefront, having some issues with accessing a website I must use to plan a trip...
Ugh....


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> *I have also devoted too much of my free time thinking of them*. I shall stop that inmediately. Force shield activated!! (around my mind and heart)


NE - I have done this, and sometimes still do it. This article helped a lot:

The Neuroscience of Motivation

Now when I get caught up in that line of thinking, I recognize that "I am doing obsessing." 

To answer another question in the thread - I found out about my ex's relationship via (where else) Facebook. We still have mutual friends, and I was able to see a status I shouldn't have. 

I have to admit, it hurt to see how many people "liked" that they were together so soon after our marriage ended. Some people just don't get it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bravenewworld said:


> I have to admit, it hurt to see how many people "liked" that they were together so soon after our marriage ended. Some people just don't get it.


Oh, I feel ya, you should have seen all the comments on pics of my pig of an ex when he remarried skank #1...people gushing about how happy they look and how its so wonderful they are back together...four months after our divorce. If only those people knew what a fvcking trainwreck the two of them are...the cheating, the drug abuse, the suicide attempts....sickening.


----------



## movealong

I am going on a first date tonight with a lady I met on zoosk. After this, I think I will try the old fashioned way for a while....paying for it... I keed! i keed!!


----------



## movealong

Well, crap. I just got some somber news. My younger brother has been having trouble with his eye sight so they scheduled an MRI this afternoon. He has a large mass pressing on his optic nerve. Because of the size and location, they cannot extract it through his nasal passage so they will have to open him up. If you do, say a prayer, if you don't just send some positive thoughts toward OKC.

I am praying it is benign and that he has a successful surgery.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Well, crap. I just got some somber news. My younger brother has been having trouble with his eye sight so they scheduled an MRI this afternoon. He has a large mass pressing on his optic nerve. Because of the size and location, they cannot extract it through his nasal passage so they will have to open him up. If you do, say a prayer, if you don't just send some positive thoughts toward OKC.
> 
> I am praying it is benign and that he has a successful surgery.


Prayers are being sent your way!


----------



## ne9907

Okay guys, SO I have a dilemma. 

blue eyes invited me over for Monday, I will be on leave and not in town so I said no, I suggested tomorrow he has plans. I suggested tonight but he said he has "dinner plans"

Am I out of line for asking if these dinner plans are with a woman? I feel as I am not out of line, but do I have any right to ask that?

We are not boyfriend/girlfriend. We are sleeping exclusively with each other. As far as I know he is not dating other women. But we are casual, the only "talk" we have had is sexual partners, safe sex, and whether we are sleeping with other people or not.

SO what say you?


----------



## COGypsy

ne9907 said:


> Okay guys, SO I have a dilemma.
> 
> blue eyes invited me over for Monday, I will be on leave and not in town so I said no, I suggested tomorrow he has plans. I suggested tonight but he said he has "dinner plans"
> 
> Am I out of line for asking if these dinner plans are with a woman? I feel as I am not out of line, but do I have any right to ask that?
> 
> We are not boyfriend/girlfriend. We are sleeping exclusively with each other. As far as I know he is not dating other women. But we are casual, the only "talk" we have had is sexual partners, safe sex, and whether we are sleeping with other people or not.
> 
> SO what say you?


Nope. It's none of your beeswax. He owes you absolutely nothing but safe sex and to tell you if circumstances change in such a way that makes being f-buddies no longer feasible.

You can't have it both ways--you're either dating or not. One presumes a certain amount of sharing about plans and friends and life in general--the other doesn't.

And--if you're half-****ed to pitch a jealous fit just because he MIGHT be eating FOOD with another WOMAN---you probably need to take a look at exactly how involved you are emotionally with this whole situation.


----------



## ne9907

COGypsy said:


> Nope. It's none of your beeswax. He owes you absolutely nothing but safe sex and to tell you if circumstances change in such a way that makes being f-buddies no longer feasible.
> 
> You can't have it both ways--you're either dating or not. One presumes a certain amount of sharing about plans and friends and life in general--the other doesn't.
> 
> And--if you're half-****ed to pitch a jealous fit just because he MIGHT be eating FOOD with another WOMAN---you probably need to take a look at exactly how involved you are emotionally with this whole situation.


haha, you are absolutely right!

I would re evaluate my emotional attachment, but he will be leavign soon. I see no point in that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Well, crap. I just got some somber news. My younger brother has been having trouble with his eye sight so they scheduled an MRI this afternoon. He has a large mass pressing on his optic nerve. Because of the size and location, they cannot extract it through his nasal passage so they will have to open him up. If you do, say a prayer, if you don't just send some positive thoughts toward OKC.
> 
> I am praying it is benign and that he has a successful surgery.


Wow, sorry to read this, Move...good vibes being sent your way.


----------



## bravenewworld

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh, I feel ya, you should have seen all the comments on pics of my pig of an ex when he remarried skank #1...people gushing about how happy they look and how its so wonderful they are back together...four months after our divorce. If only those people knew what a fvcking trainwreck the two of them are...the cheating, the drug abuse, the suicide attempts....sickening.


If only people knew what goes on behind closed doors. I saw similar comments "omg you two are so cute" and "wow you look great congrats on the new squeeze." Even a photo of her with his family two months after dating (we hadn't even hired lawyers yet!) So sickening. 

Always wonder what the ex's tell the "new squeeze" in these situations!


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> Well, crap. I just got some somber news. My younger brother has been having trouble with his eye sight so they scheduled an MRI this afternoon. He has a large mass pressing on his optic nerve. Because of the size and location, they cannot extract it through his nasal passage so they will have to open him up. If you do, say a prayer, if you don't just send some positive thoughts toward OKC.
> 
> I am praying it is benign and that he has a successful surgery.


Prayers for healing sent movealong!


----------



## TooNice

movealong said:


> Well, crap. I just got some somber news. My younger brother has been having trouble with his eye sight so they scheduled an MRI this afternoon. He has a large mass pressing on his optic nerve. Because of the size and location, they cannot extract it through his nasal passage so they will have to open him up. If you do, say a prayer, if you don't just send some positive thoughts toward OKC.
> 
> I am praying it is benign and that he has a successful surgery.


Sending prayers and positive thoughts his way.


----------



## TooNice

Home alone tonight...tempted to head out by myself, but I realize it would be avoidance. Time to stop whining that I'm the only one packing and just get it done.

Anybody wanna come over and hand me wine while I fill up boxes? ;-)


----------



## ne9907

So happy tonight! I just spoke to a wildcat, it ran away when I ask.it the secrets of the universe....
Waiting for the moon, it shall not deny me


----------



## bravenewworld

TooNice said:


> Home alone tonight...tempted to head out by myself, but I realize it would be avoidance. Time to stop whining that I'm the only one packing and just get it done.
> 
> Anybody wanna come over and hand me wine while I fill up boxes? ;-)


I had the same thought about heading out, but am also staying in. Decided tonight is gamer night, got Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic fired up plus a big ass homemade cherry limeade. I like to live on the wild side! 

Cheers!!!


----------



## TooNice

Managed to pack one whole box. :-/

My BFF just gave me a long distance nudge to pack another, so I have the baseball game on and I'm working on that. Still pondering heading to a nearby hangout to watch the game, but feeling a little better about why.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> RD -- Hopefully, soon for you.
> WH -- Too bad she's grumpy; you seem happy, though.
> 
> I stopped being such a chicken and texted Guy. He was happy to hear from me and happens to be working out of town at the moment, but we have a date this weekend -- one in which we might be in public, even, for part of it. Is it terrible that all I wanna do is jump his bones? Speaking of sexting... ;p well, it was fun stuff indeed. It appears that he does like more direct conversation, so, maybe I'm getting the hang of things, finally. He moved to a new place; weird that he didn't tell me that until after I texted him? Like...is it weird that he didn't text me to tell me he changed addresses? It's not out of the blue, and he did tell me when we talked,but, still, why didn't he share that with me earlier? But, He referred to himself as my man and I've been grinning like a fool all evening. Lol. I know, so silly. Ahh, limerence.


Hmm moxy I would have red flags up of he didnt tell me he was moving before hand...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Drank waaaay to much tonight....uggggggg
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> This sounds like my colleague. She and her husband separated a million years ago and didn't divorce for about another 7 or 10 years. She said one day, all of a sudden, he started pushing for the big D and she found it so odd. I told her, "He probably met someone." Indeed. It came out that he had, in fact, met someone, who wasn't keen on the idea he was still married, even after all these years of not living with his wife.


Aye that's why I reckon it's only a matter of time before ex snaps, she's still a pretty woman and she has been dating. More than that I don't know or ask or bother.


----------



## moxy

I had an awesome night with an old friend, just chatting and hanging out at a bar. Now, I'm in a smily, tipsy mood and so glad I'm on vacation.

Unsure -- It made me feel a bit left out of the loop to not know; I did know that he was thinking about other living arrangements, I just didn't realize it was happening so soon. What kind of red flags? About communication? Or, about connection/ lack thereof?


----------



## bandit.45

unsure78 said:


> Drank waaaay to much tonight....uggggggg
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Take a selfie this morning and post it in your profile. I want to see what you look like with a hangover.


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## bandit.45

I have to tell you guys about the awesome night I had last night. 

I picked Syrian up at 7:00 p.m. last evening and took her to the City Hall restaurant in old town Scottsdale. Swank place. Lots of rich old men and their 30'ish wives and mistresses. She and I sat in a dark corner table laughing at the middle aged and elderly women walking in with their plastic tits and wind-tunnel face lifts. :rofl: All the while she had her hand on my crotch where it stayed all night. 

The food could not have been better. Syrian had brazed lamb and I had grilled swordfish. Perfectly cooked. 

Then we traveled downtown to metro Phoenix to a jazz club I built about three years ago. The manager recognized me when we went in and gave me a big hug. There was a really good samba/Brazilian jazz quartet playing and their lady singer was to die for. She was hot and had a voice like golden smoke. Syrian and I sat and just absorbed her singing for a good two hours....just mesmerizing. 

At one point the manager came over and told me she wanted to meet with me to talk about expanding the club to a next door suite that was going to become available. We set a date and I gave her my number. Score! After the club closed at 1:00 a.m. Syrian was still not tired so we just spent an hour or so walking around downtown and talking. It was still kind of hot outside but neither of us cared. It was really nice. 

We got to her place at around 3:00 a.m. and we just finished making love about an hour ago. I'm not sleepy so I'm sitting on her couch typing this with a big smile on my face. What a great night!


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## Luonnotar

Good morning all.
It's early on a Saturday morning, and the kids are with their dad. For me, this is the worst part. During the week I'm so busy I don't have time to realize how lonely I am, but morning weekends are the worst. 
But I've been reading through all the posts here, and I'm going to do something about it. Heading out in about an hour to sign up for a yoga class. Can't make friends if you don't meet people, right? 
Thanks for giving me the motivation to do something.
(Of course, I just have to keep my courage up for about an hour until I actually get to the class....)


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## movealong

Had a really good date last night, and I am going to see her again tomorrow...maybe tonight. It all depends on how the HS reunion goes. This is the first, and probably last, HS reunion I will attend. The main reason I am going is it is the 30th reunion. There are only 4-5 people I really care to see, and once I see them I may take off and go see the sweetheart I was with last night.


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## ne9907

Kind of quiet today.
I just got back from a wonderful early morning hike to the Pinnacles. I did not know such a beautiful existed in CA, yeah sue me I do not like this state at all!!

Questions for the ladies and men. I had asked about sexting, but how about sharing provocative/naughty pictures with the person you are sleeping with?
Men, why do you ask for these pictures? 
I asked blue eyes and he said that so when we are not together and he wants to hmm have some fun alone and thinks of me, he can have some visual aids. I am still debating whether I should take some pics and send them to him or not.


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## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> Questions for the ladies and men. I had asked about sexting, but how about sharing provocative/naughty pictures with the person you are sleeping with?
> *Men, why do you ask for these pictures? *
> I asked blue eyes and he said that so when we are not together and he wants to hmm have some fun alone and thinks of me, he can have some visual aids. I am still debating whether I should take some pics and send them to him or not.


Ok Ne, I'm going to be 100% honest with you. 

Why men ask for naked pics.....

1. So we can masturbate to them. 
2. So we can show our other male friends who we're sleeping with. 
3. So we can remember you after we're no longer sleeping together (after a breakup).

I know what you're thinking Ne, but don't do it. You two are f*ck buddies, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Sending naked pics and sexting is something couples do after they've been together romantically. 

Does it make you jealous knowing he's "going out to dinner" with other girls?


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## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Does it make you jealous knowing he's "going out to dinner" with other girls?


I became irritated because I have told him before that if he decides to date or sleep with other people to let me know so I can make the right decision with all the available information. So far, he hasn't said he is. 
I did not ask him who he was having dinner with last night, it is not my place. 
Jealous? I do not think so. I know how jealousy feels like, the cold fear crawling deep inside me, and I do not feel this at all.
I feel ambivalent to be honest. But I am on vacation till the 26 yay!!!
I will not text him unless he contacts me first. I am getting so good at not responding in a timely manner to his texts!
I used to respond immediately, but now, I take my time. Sometimes even a day goes by before I respond


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## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I became irritated because *I have told him before that if he decides to date or sleep with other people to let me know* so I can make the right decision with all the available information. So far, he hasn't said he is.
> I did not ask him who he was having dinner with last night, it is not my place.
> Jealous? I do not think so. I know how jealousy feels like, the cold fear crawling deep inside me, and I do not feel this at all.
> I feel ambivalent to be honest. But I am on vacation till the 26 yay!!!
> I will not text him unless he contacts me first. I am getting so good at not responding in a timely manner to his texts!
> I used to respond immediately, but now, I take my time. Sometimes even a day goes by before I respond


You sound more like a jealous wife.:rofl:

Oh sweetheart, you've got it bad for him. Would you say you feel a little betrayed? I mean he didn't pick you and it seems like things are kind of cooling off between you two romantically. So now that he's out with this other girl and maybe looking around, how does that make you feel?


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## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> *You sound more like a jealous wife.:rofl:*
> Oh sweetheart, you've got it bad for him. Would you say you feel a little betrayed? I mean he didn't pick you and it seems like things are kind of cooling off between you two romantically. So now that he's out with this other girl and maybe looking around, how does that make you feel?


haha
that jealous wife comment made me LOL soooo hard!!!
You must remember I was married for 14 years, bad habits are hard to break 

Maybe things are cooling off, but communication is increasing. 
If he is looking around for someone else and did not pick me, I am good with that. I don't like dishonesty. I do not have a gut feeling that he is sleeping with other women, normally my gut feelings are pretty accurate. 
He didn't pick me, I am okay with that because:
1. His project is near completion and he will leave.
2. He is entirely too tall for me, seriously.
3. He will remember me for the rest of his life, I know this.
4. I can turn off my feelings for him in a heartbeat.

I have done before, I can do it again, and again, and again, whenever I chose to. I haven't done so, because he is a very giving lover (I am rather selfish with him, it is always all about me). Plus, I dread the thought of having to find another sexual arrangement, which I will probably have to do when he leaves.
Self pleasure is all right, but nothing compares to a strong, living, breathing human being to share the pleasure.


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## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> 4. I can turn off my feelings for him in a heartbeat.
> 
> I am rather selfish with him, it is always all about me.
> *-Care to elaborate on this?*
> 
> Self pleasure is all right, but nothing compares to a strong, living, breathing human being to share the pleasure.


Yeah, I really doubt you can run from your feelings so easily. Maybe you fool yourself for now, but the hurt will still be there waiting. 

That last comment..... Damn straight!


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## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Yeah, I really doubt you can run from your feelings so easily. Maybe you fool yourself for now, but the hurt will still be there waiting.
> 
> That last comment..... Damn straight!


haha
Nope, I shall not elaborate on how selfish I am in bed.... haha.
Okay, maybe I do give a little...

I will not send him any naughty pictures of me, Ive no doubt he would enjoy them tremendously. I am an instagram model after all :rofl:


EDIT: oh I just remember! He gave a nickname.... star nerd (I told him it was Stardust and he better get it straight FFS!!!)


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## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> haha
> Nope, I shall not elaborate on how selfish *I am in bed*.... haha.
> Okay, maybe I do give a little...
> 
> I will not send him any naughty pictures of me, Ive no doubt he would enjoy them tremendously. I am an instagram model after all :rofl:
> 
> 
> EDIT: oh I just remember! He gave a nickname.... star nerd (I told him it was Stardust and he better get it straight FFS!!!)


Oh, you're selfish in bed..... So you're just like every other woman.


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## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Oh, you're selfish in bed..... So you're just like every other woman.


Damn straight! :rofl:


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## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> haha
> that jealous wife comment made me LOL soooo hard!!!
> You must remember I was married for 14 years, bad habits are hard to break
> 
> Maybe things are cooling off, but communication is increasing.
> If he is looking around for someone else and did not pick me, I am good with that. I don't like dishonesty. I do not have a gut feeling that he is sleeping with other women, normally my gut feelings are pretty accurate.
> He didn't pick me, I am okay with that because:
> 1. His project is near completion and he will leave.
> 2. He is entirely too tall for me, seriously.
> 3. He will remember me for the rest of his life, I know this.
> 4. I can turn off my feelings for him in a heartbeat.
> 
> I have done before, I can do it again, and again, and again, whenever I chose to. I haven't done so, because he is a very giving lover (I am rather selfish with him, it is always all about me). Plus, I dread the thought of having to find another sexual arrangement, which I will probably have to do when he leaves.
> Self pleasure is all right, but nothing compares to a strong, living, breathing human being to share the pleasure.


I call bullsh!t on #4
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bravenewworld

I also call bull**** on #4 and only because I have thought the exact same thing and I can officially say it NEVER works out like that. Especially if the sex is good.

Agree with NSweet on the naughty pics BUT as long as your face isn't in them, who's to say who that is?


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## ne9907

If I was a daring woman, I would so totally try to prove you all wrong by ending things with him right now. But I am not going to because I have actually been thinking about doing that. But he is leaving soon, so might as well enjoy the ride while it lasts.

OMG! I am visiting my mother. She just said that I should get a boyfriend so I can finally get pregnant and have a child.....

She is my mother, her intentions come from a good place, but she drives me nuts! 
"Oh yeah, mom, let me be like one of those women who just grab anyone and get pregnant!!" FFS???? DId I mention she called me old? I should get pregnant because I am not getting any younger.....


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## moxy

Nsweet said:


> Ok Ne, I'm going to be 100% honest with you.
> 
> Why men ask for naked pics.....
> 
> 2. So we can show our other male friends who we're sleeping with.


Seriously!?  Why?



Nsweet said:


> Yeah, I really doubt you can run from your feelings so easily. Maybe you fool yourself for now, but the hurt will still be there waiting.


I agree. However, as long as you're going into it with your eyes open, it's might be worth the risk.



Nsweet said:


> That last comment..... Damn straight!


:iagree:

-----
So, I heard from ex-h and it triggered a panic attack, but instead of hiding out and being miserable, I accepted plans with Guy for the evening and we had a great date-night -- with some improved communication. I'm trying not to be afraid to express things. I'm also keeping in mind a little of what y'all have said -- that perhaps he's looking for me to take a lead in some respects because I'm older and my intentions are not always clear; so, I asked more questions and listened better. And, I opened up a little more about my feelings for him so he knows I like him for more than just the orgasms he provides. When he asked if I was looking forward to really great sex, I said yes, but I added that I was mainly looking forward to spending time with him, no matter what we decided to do. He asked this in a variety of ways, over the past few days, but seemed pleased that at the heart of the matter, it was him that I wanted in particular, not just what he could provide for me. Also, I like his territorial statements, when he makes them. He called himself "my man" and I smiled for like two days. He texted me to tell me when he was coming home, and it sent me into a smily happy mood for the rest of the evening. And, the possessiveness in moments of intimacy (couples with total independence beyond those times) is so sweet. Him: "Is that body mine?" Me: "Yes, it certainly is. I'm yours, all of me." Him: "All of you, only mine?" Me: "Yes." Him: "Promise?" Me: "Yes, I promise." I cleaned up the language; we only seem to talk about feelings during sex and it was less polite, but equally sweet. We talked about each other's weeks, what's going on in work and in life, and I understand his sudden move a little more, now. I asked him if he we would still connect and talk while he was overseas and he said yes, enthusiastically, which makes me glad because it means he still wants that; I have no illusions of exclusivity across distance and I think it would be wrong to ask for it because even though we maybe have some feelings for each other (me more than him, I suspect), we really are mainly FWB and so there's no commitment or obligation in place for something like that concern. We made vague plans for December. We made vague plans to spend a weekend together in the next couple of months, too. And, we discussed the possibility of going out somewhere, again (work schedules are complicated and both of us have been hesitant about straight-up saying "xyz time and place and activity, are you in?"). He used a bunch of terms of endearment and kissed me a lot and now I'm walking around on cloud nine wishing I could say, "XYZ Movie tonight at ABC time? I'm already going, but would love the company if you wanted to join me." but thinking it might be too bold (or too soon) since we just saw each other last night/this morning.


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## ne9907

You should totally post a pic of your Guy, Moxy!~


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## Arendt

Probably woudl be highly inappropriate to post this on Facebook since Guatemalan is a FB friend :

I Just Had Sex (feat. Akon) - YouTube


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## bravenewworld

Sounds nice Moxy, but a little like play acting too. Not in a bad way though, more like - "that which is said to deceive, might also be said to enchant." Whether it's true fondness or extremely strong lust, at least you are enjoying yourself. 

Another weekend solo. Lots of video game playing, haven't done that in over a year. Today went to my Weight Watchers meeting (lost 2.5lbs, yay!) then Farmers Market for a huge fresh watermelon juice. After that it was a friends art show then out to dinner with another friend later this evening. We're getting fried chicken from a place famous for it, I can't wait. Don't tell the weight watchers police! At least we are walking to the restaurant to offset the millions of calories. 

Still thinking of my last FWB occasionally, even though it ended badly. Sick of people telling me "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Not sure when I'll be ready to date, but I want to be in a clear headspace and not feeling like I'm escaping something. Unless Ryan Gosling finally decides he is ready for the BNW experience. Come on, there are always exceptions!


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## RandomDude

Personally I reckon self-pleasure is unhealthy in the long run, after my period of celibacy last year getting back into an active sex life was... abit troublesome at first.


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## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> If I was a daring woman, I would so totally try to prove you all wrong by ending things with him right now. But I am not going to because I have actually been thinking about doing that. But he is leaving soon, so might as well enjoy the ride while it lasts.
> 
> OMG! I am visiting my mother. She just said that I should get a boyfriend so I can finally get pregnant and have a child.....
> 
> She is my mother, her intentions come from a good place, but she drives me nuts!
> "Oh yeah, mom, let me be like one of those women who just grab anyone and get pregnant!!" FFS???? DId I mention she called me old? I should get pregnant because I am not getting any younger.....


Gurl, enjoy riding the ride - all day carnival wristband style! 

My Dad is the same way - "where's my grandbaby?!" I told him grandchildren are not a god-given right.


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## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Personally I reckon self-pleasure is unhealthy in the long run, after my period of celibacy last year getting back into an active sex life was... abit troublesome at first.


Might be, but I'm not too worried about it. I still flirt and whatnot to keep the engine warmed up. 

For me the troublesome part is the type of people I attract and am attracted to. I want a really high quality person so I'm working on being the best BNW I can be and hoping it pans out.


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## ne9907

I saw this today on FB and wondered just how they taste like??

Sometimes, when we get scorned, we act so stupid... that FB friend is always posting ridiculous comments on FB. 
I found this one funny!


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## TooNice

I spent the evening yesterday volunteering at a beer tent at a local festival. It's one my STBX and I have worked together for 12 years, if not longer, with the same people each year. This year, he was moving his daughter, and our overall mix was a little varied.

I admit that I rather shamelessly (yet very harmlessly) flirted with a number of my customers, and you know what? I had fun. It was nice to just play. One man in particular said some very nice things to me, and it was fun. I did not feel like I was doing anything wrong, and simply enjoyed the moment. It was nice. 

Today, I signed the lease on my new place and got to show it to my son before he leaves for college. I have keys in hand and can start taking things over anytime now. 

I know much harder days are coming, but for the moment, I feel like I'm getting there.


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## moxy

ne9907 said:


> You should totally post a pic of your Guy, Moxy!~



We have never taken a selfie together. That's more a GF/BF thing and less of a FWB thing. I figured that if we ever got to a stage where we did take such a selfie, I'd post one. I do have lots of photos that he has sent me (as he has of me that I've sent him), though, I have never taken one of him on my phone (nor he of me) or anything like that in person. I guess it wouldn't be weird to post a photo for a short while so y'all can see. I'll do that in my private album. I'd be flattered if he were showing me off to friends; maybe he'd feel the same way. 

Man, I am smitten. And...I might ask him out to a movie or something this week.


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## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Seriously!?  Why?


Seriously? You don't know? Guys like to boast remember? And also to challenge one another - same way they show off their rides. Most blokes grow up from this by their mid 20s however, become more respectable but many don't. 

It's also one of the fears that many women have when it comes to being a FWB especially in close social circles, one that I pre-empted before hand in the past, resulting in far better results in the game.

Ironically I was the one being branded a "player" regardless of the respect I showed the women even FBs. I may not regard FBs as anything more than sex objects, and I don't shy away from my lifestyle. Nor do I lie to them or ruin their individual reputations in the process and still respect their privacy.

Why people think I'm so bad is beyond me sometimes, bah! Re-living the lifestyle that I had before marriage seems to be re-living the same critics come to think of it


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## RandomDude

Bah! Maybe it's just how I talk, like "spread 'em and ram 'em!" lol

Still, tis better than "Hey fellas, look at what my FB sent me, hot yeah?" no?

Heh


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## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Seriously? You don't know? Guys like to boast remember? And also to challenge one another - same way they show off their rides. Most blokes grow up from this by their mid 20s however, become more respectable but many don't.


How can you tell if your dude is the kind who will do that? Showing off photos of your conquests? I can see that and it makes sense to show off the clothed ones, but...naughty photos ought to stay private! Right? Do most men not see that it's insulting to do that? It'd be like letting your friends watch you fvck or something; in that case, you'd generally ask your woman's opinion or seek her consent, right? I'm probably being naive or something, right now.  Well, on the other hand, a guy isn't going to show off a pic if he doesn't find it attractive or boast-worthy, I guess, so it would be a compliment, even if it's kinda gross.



RandomDude said:


> I may not regard FBs as anything more than sex objects, and I don't shy away from my lifestyle. Nor do I lie to them or ruin their individual reputations in the process and still respect their privacy.


By respecting them, you ARE treating them as more than sex objects; you're treating them as PEOPLE. That being said, it is entirely possible to have a reasonable, respectful relationship that is based only on sex and doesn't need all the other stuff to go alongside it. The only thing that would make you a player or a cad is if you were misleading these women. However, you seem to be all about the communication of boundaries, so it's probably not much of an issue what the gossip says about you anyway.


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## 06Daddio08

I'll chime in on the whole "showing your friends" thing. Any man who shows one of his "friends" a nude or personal photo of a girl he's with (be it serious or not) is a POS.

Plain and simple. Any guy who's actually worth a damn won't do that and those who have been shown a picture better tell their "friend" to grow the fvck up.

There's no way to manipulate it into a form of flattery. It's 100% disrespectful.


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## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Seriously? You don't know? Guys like to boast remember? And also to challenge one another - same way they show off their rides.


Yes, I have actually thought this might be one of the reasons. Hands down, the selfies I have sent blue eyes would totally win any competition he has with his pals ( I take great selfies!  )
I am glad I did not send any naughty pictures. I was temporarily out of my mind thinking he was at a level of commitment with me to deserve them. He (and I), are obviously not at that level, thus no nekkid pictures for him!
Oh btw! I do remember ex H had a very close friend who was always texting him naked pictures of women that had sent those to him (friend).



06Daddio08 said:


> I'll chime in on the whole "showing your friends" thing. Any man who shows one of his "friends" a nude or personal photo of a girl he's with (be it serious or not) is a POS.
> 
> Plain and simple. Any guy who's actually worth a damn won't do that and those who have been shown a picture better tell their "friend" to grow the fvck up.
> 
> There's no way to manipulate it into a form of flattery. It's 100% disrespectful.


:iagree:
You are my hero!!


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## bravenewworld

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll chime in on the whole "showing your friends" thing. Any man who shows one of his "friends" a nude or personal photo of a girl he's with (be it serious or not) is a POS.
> 
> Plain and simple. Any guy who's actually worth a damn won't do that and those who have been shown a picture better tell their "friend" to grow the fvck up.
> 
> There's no way to manipulate it into a form of flattery. It's 100% disrespectful.


Urgh anyone that would do that is crude McNasty! I did send a photo of me in a swimsuit to a FWB when I was just starting to get back into the whole dating thing and I remember being shocked when I found it saved to his computer! Yuck. At least it wasn't a nude pic! 

RandomDude, not hating on the 'spread em and ram 'em' lifestyle, but you gotta admit - it's an acquired taste. I've known women with the same philosophy. I've had one brief FWB that was cool but I seemed to get sucked in way too easily by emotional vampires who are totally crazy. One guy wanted to fly me out of state to meet his parents after 4 weeks. 

But also, I blame myself. Something is for sure screwy with my picker. :scratchhead:


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## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll chime in on the whole "showing your friends" thing. Any man who shows one of his "friends" a nude or personal photo of a girl he's with (be it serious or not) is a POS.
> 
> Plain and simple. Any guy who's actually worth a damn won't do that and those who have been shown a picture better tell their "friend" to grow the fvck up.
> 
> There's no way to manipulate it into a form of flattery. It's 100% disrespectful.


Reading what you've written here restores my faith in the capacity of men to be decent. Thank you.

BTW, I don't think Guy is likely to show my photos to anyone; he is a little conservative. I haven't sent anything I'd be ashamed of, anyhow, thankfully.


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## ne9907

I just had a very weird dream about blue eyes.

In my dream, I was sleeping when my favorite niece in the whole wide world woke me up because her boyfriend was coming over to watch a video of her latest play. She wanted me to greet him and show him where the video would be playing. I got up, was a bit groggy, and headed to the kitchen. It was late at night and I was sleepy, so I decided to make some coffee. THe kitchen only had one light on the left side of the room by the coffee maker. I could hear my niece's friends gathering in her room to watch the play. 
As I was making coffee, I began to wonder if blue eyes would recognize me. I wasn't jealous or upset because it was a known fact that blue eyes was dating my niece and only I knew about us. But it wasn't like I betrayed my niece. I really do not know if I was the other woman (GOsh, I hope not!!)
I was also debating whether I should hide or acknowledge that we knew each other. I could not find the sugar for my coffee but somehow I happened upon two 10 pounds bags of sugar. I carried a bag to the counter, the second bag ripped when I was carrying it and spilled sugar all over the floor. I wasn't upset, I did not even try to clean the sugar up. I was thinking about blue eyes dating my niece.
The room was in semi darkness, so I thought that I should stay in the shadows whenever blue eyes arrived and not let him see my face. I did not want him to know that I knew he was dating my favorite niece....

EDIT: This is the 5th time I dream about this man!! FFS, my subconscious is betraying me, well or blue eyes turned into a freaking werewolf and is controlling my dreams!
Either way, it is not a good thing.


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## RandomDude

moxy said:


> How can you tell if your dude is the kind who will do that? Showing off photos of your conquests? I can see that and it makes sense to show off the clothed ones, but...naughty photos ought to stay private! Right? Do most men not see that it's insulting to do that? It'd be like letting your friends watch you fvck or something; in that case, you'd generally ask your woman's opinion or seek her consent, right? I'm probably being naive or something, right now.  Well, on the other hand, a guy isn't going to show off a pic if he doesn't find it attractive or boast-worthy, I guess, so it would be a compliment, even if it's kinda gross.


Well, tis simple really, there's a couple of flags, some more accurate then others:

Red flag - if he's a total egomaniac who can't live without his balls hanging out for show half the time and likes to boast, those are generally the types. Of course there maybe exceptions, but this is a good general rule to watch out for.

Yellow flag - the type of guys he hangs out with, if they are all bogans for example - then peer pressure will encourage your date to share everything with them. The pressure is very, VERY strong, and very consistent. Now there's two types of guys in this instance who will or will not cave in;

1) The experienced and/or good-looking confident guy who has no trouble with dates. The level of influence his friends have over him is limited - hence he won't cave in with his peers - unless he's an egomaniac like above, then he'll do it anyway just to show off.

2) The not so experienced or non-confident guy, the level of influence his friends have over him is major, especially when he asks his friends for advice, as such he'll cave in everytime, I've seen it happen over and over again.

Yellow flag #2 - if he asks you for photos together, "just so I can remember you" - errr, unless one is going to absent (or sexless) for a long time I don't see the need to ask for a photo. Photos together should happen naturally over the course of a relationship. If the guy asks, and you see him many times a week + have frequent sex then it's obvious what he's intending.



There, I've betrayed my gender and broke the bro code lol
But people have to know in my opinion, and I will inform my daughter the same thing once she comes of age (and strangle any date she brings home that I don't like)



> By respecting them, you ARE treating them as more than sex objects; you're treating them as PEOPLE. That being said, it is entirely possible to have a reasonable, respectful relationship that is based only on sex and doesn't need all the other stuff to go alongside it. The only thing that would make you a player or a cad is if you were misleading these women. However, you seem to be all about the communication of boundaries, so it's probably not much of an issue what the gossip says about you anyway.


I know! What's with the hate on poor RD? 

But hey, this isn't a gender specific thing - women do it too! 
Young women that is, or girls who just don't grow up! Plenty of those around too!



ne9907 said:


> Yes, I have actually thought this might be one of the reasons. Hands down, the selfies I have sent blue eyes would totally win any competition he has with his pals ( I take great selfies!  )
> I am glad I did not send any naughty pictures. I was temporarily out of my mind thinking he was at a level of commitment with me to deserve them. He (and I), are obviously not at that level, thus no nekkid pictures for him!
> Oh btw! I do remember ex H had a very close friend who was always texting him naked pictures of women that had sent those to him (friend).


Well, is he any of those types I listed above?


----------



## RandomDude

bravenewworld said:


> RandomDude, not hating on the 'spread em and ram 'em' lifestyle, but you gotta admit - it's an acquired taste. I've known women with the same philosophy. I've had one brief FWB that was cool but I seemed to get sucked in way too easily by emotional vampires who are totally crazy. One guy wanted to fly me out of state to meet his parents after 4 weeks.


My current FWB is great! Though it took a while to get to where we are now, when we first got involved I was also with another FB (she was also just a FB too at first), then she left to try out dating, and my other FB got all emo on me bah!

Anyway, eventually FB came back with horror stories to tell of her dating adventures. As time went by FB and I grew a friendship, and as she proved herself over time capable of emotional detachment while being with me she eventually got promoted to FWB!!! lol

Now the sex just happens naturally and we don't just see each other for sex, sometimes we just hang out, other times we just watch a movie. Either way, we're friends, who also relieve each other's sexual urges from time to time.

Tis a good thing, only problem is that there is no future and eventually one of us will want to try dating again - I did too recently, but meh! Fk it!


----------



## Arendt

Have to agree: showing friends nude photos of your girlfriend or whatever is really tacky and tasteless. Grow up. If a friend had the audacity to do that I would certainly tell him I don't want to see that and it is wrong. But I don't have guy friends who act like dumbfvcks. None of them would do that. They wouldn't be my friends if they were that type of person honestly.


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's definitely not gender specific, it's boundary specific. It's like when an opposite gender friend starts to complain about intimate problems in their relationship. That's better off being dealt with within their relationship, not with you.


----------



## Jellybeans

Add me to the chorus of those that think showing off your conquests pics is totally tasteless.


----------



## RandomDude

And tis another reason why folks should stick to offline play! 

Zero nude pics! All happy ramming!


----------



## moxy

For the curious, I posted two pics of Guy in my album. They are both fully clothed and totally decent! Just in case the nude photo debate has anyone guessing otherwise. They won't be up long. I'm always worried that our age difference is apparent, but...hopefully I'm just anxious over nothing.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> For the curious, I posted two pics of Guy in my album. They are both fully clothed and totally decent! Just in case the nude photo debate has anyone guessing otherwise. They won't be up long. I'm always worried that our age difference is apparent, but...hopefully I'm just anxious over nothing.


The age difference doesn't show. Especially when he's not clean shaven. He's handsome. You are pretty. You two look good together from the photos you posted. Looks like he could bench press you 

Keep taking initiative with him and see where it goes.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> For the curious, I posted two pics of Guy in my album. They are both fully clothed and totally decent! Just in case the nude photo debate has anyone guessing otherwise. They won't be up long. I'm always worried that our age difference is apparent, but...hopefully I'm just anxious over nothing.


Moxy I cant tell any age difference at all! Good looking dude and you are gorgeous!


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> Add me to the chorus of those that think showing off your conquests pics is totally tasteless.


Maybe I missed it, but what about regular photos? Friends and I went to a pub after a 20 mile bike ride the other night and they wanted to know about this Guatemalan I am seeing. I told them a bit and pulled up her Facebook account and showed them a photo. They said she's beautiful and then we went on to some other topic. She's hot. I guess I was showing off if I am really honest. They'll meet her eventually after we've dated for a while.

Another question: when do you introduce friends to somebody? I was thinking after a couple months I'd invite her to go with me to a friends or something, but not before that. Boundaries. More trust and see how things develop first is my thought.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Arendt said:


> Maybe I missed it, but what about regular photos? Friends and I went to a pub after a 20 mile bike ride the other night and they wanted to know about this Guatemalan I am seeing. I told them a bit and pulled up her Facebook account and showed them a photo. They said she's beautiful and then we went on to some other topic. She's hot. I guess I was showing off if I am really honest. They'll meet her eventually after we've dated for a while.


I dont see anything wrong with this. Of course you want to share photos! But sharing the nekkid kind...NO.


----------



## unsure78

since its pic sharing day I added a few from my vaca


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Well, is he any of those types I listed above?


As you always say RD /meh...

I am not sending him nekkid pics, that is all.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Moxy I cant tell any age difference at all! Good looking dude and you are gorgeous!





Arendt said:


> The age difference doesn't show. Especially when he's not clean shaven. He's handsome. You are pretty. You two look good together from the photos you posted. Looks like he could bench press you
> 
> Keep taking initiative with him and see where it goes.


Thanks for the reassurance, 3x -- and the compliments.  He is handsome, isn't he? No surprise why I'm smitten. I tell him that I think so every now and again, but he's humble and doesn't show a puffed up ego about it.

I have to say that the age difference is the main thing I am insecure about (9 years!), generally, but I think he looks a bit older (especially bearded) and definitely acts older (he's mature and responsible about most things, confident) than his age and I think I look a bit younger than my age and that my usually cheerful personality doesn't make my age evident. 

Arendt, also, thank you.  I hope he thinks we look nice together; his compliments generally involve sex appeal, but every now and again, he makes a comment that addresses my looks or what we're like together and I wish there were more of that. He thinks that we are both generally nice and giving people who want to do good things in the world; I like that character matters to him. 

He's quite broad and strong and probably could easily lift me, I think, but I try not to let him pick me up because I'm a bit heavier than I want to be. His embrace is protective and I love that his physicality makes me feel safe. I'm not a delicate waif of a woman and I'm usually tough, but I love it when a man I enjoy can demonstrate physical prowess over me without abusing it. I've got to get over my fear of rejection and do more of the initiating, I guess; he does respond well, when I do, generally and the couple of times he blew me off had to do with me actually behaving in contradictory ways.

Anyway, who knows if this will become anything more or just stay FWB with a few feelings thrown in the mix. Time will tell. I'm okay with either one; if he doesn't feel the way I do, that's okay, just so long as he doesn't mind my feelings because they're hard to hide.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll chime in on the whole "showing your friends" thing. Any man who shows one of his "friends" a nude or personal photo of a girl he's with (be it serious or not) is a POS.
> 
> Plain and simple. Any guy who's actually worth a damn won't do that and those who have been shown a picture better tell their "friend" to grow the fvck up.
> 
> There's no way to manipulate it into a form of flattery. It's 100% disrespectful.


Agreed


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Maybe I missed it, but what about regular photos? Friends and I went to a pub after a 20 mile bike ride the other night and they wanted to know about this Guatemalan I am seeing. I told them a bit and pulled up her Facebook account and showed them a photo. They said she's beautiful and then we went on to some other topic. She's hot. I guess I was showing off if I am really honest. They'll meet her eventually after we've dated for a while.
> 
> Another question: when do you introduce friends to somebody? I was thinking after a couple months I'd invite her to go with me to a friends or something, but not before that. Boundaries. More trust and see how things develop first is my thought.


Regular photos are ok and I would encourage any man I date to show this regular photos to his friends. It would be as if he really digs me  and if I eventually found out, it would make me go awwwww... I am silly.

Not sure about how long to wait before inviting her to meet some of your friends. Whatever you think is best. You are a very thoughtful person, so you will probably be right on most things. Not all, but most!


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Maybe I missed it, but what about regular photos? Friends and I went to a pub after a 20 mile bike ride the other night and they wanted to know about this Guatemalan I am seeing. I told them a bit and pulled up her Facebook account and showed them a photo. They said she's beautiful and then we went on to some other topic. She's hot. I guess I was showing off if I am really honest. They'll meet her eventually after we've dated for a while.
> 
> *Another question: when do you introduce friends to somebody? I was thinking after a couple months I'd invite her to go with me to a friends or something, but not before that. Boundaries. More trust and see how things develop first is my thought*.


I am learning on a daily basis living my life with my GF as I have and discussing with you all of your experiences I would have to say it is definitely situational. As long as you don't act wreckless and take time to evaluate the situation every now and then I believe there is nothing wrong with going with the flow.
Point being just do it when it feels comfortable and don't force anything...if it's not a fvck yes! then it's a no


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> Maybe I missed it, but what about regular photos? .


Nothing wrong with that. It's when it's a private/more nekkid pic that it's tasteless to do. So you're good. Lol.


----------



## ne9907

ne9907 said:


> I just had a very weird dream about blue eyes.
> 
> In my dream, I was sleeping when my favorite niece in the whole wide world woke me up because her boyfriend was coming over to watch a video of her latest play. She wanted me to greet him and show him where the video would be playing. I got up, was a bit groggy, and headed to the kitchen. It was late at night and I was sleepy, so I decided to make some coffee. THe kitchen only had one light on the left side of the room by the coffee maker. I could hear my niece's friends gathering in her room to watch the play.
> As I was making coffee, I began to wonder if blue eyes would recognize me. I wasn't jealous or upset because it was a known fact that blue eyes was dating my niece and only I knew about us. But it wasn't like I betrayed my niece. I really do not know if I was the other woman (GOsh, I hope not!!)
> I was also debating whether I should hide or acknowledge that we knew each other. I could not find the sugar for my coffee but somehow I happened upon two 10 pounds bags of sugar. I carried a bag to the counter, the second bag ripped when I was carrying it and spilled sugar all over the floor. I wasn't upset, I did not even try to clean the sugar up. I was thinking about blue eyes dating my niece.
> The room was in semi darkness, so I thought that I should stay in the shadows whenever blue eyes arrived and not let him see my face. I did not want him to know that I knew he was dating my favorite niece....
> 
> EDIT: This is the 5th time I dream about this man!! FFS, my subconscious is betraying me, well or blue eyes turned into a freaking werewolf and is controlling my dreams!
> Either way, it is not a good thing.


Oh!!! I just found an answer to my dream from another forum! Kinda makes sense!!! 
Btw you all, I love dreams! I truly believe they give us an insight into our awaken reality


----------



## Arendt

You read any Carl Jung? Get into that MA in psychology and you can have a blast reading him on dream interpretation and such.


----------



## FeministInPink

I had a great weekend with hot fireman. He brought me a book. (!) This guy pays attention.

My picker has always been broken. So, so broken, and so I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop with hot fireman. But it hasn't happened.

Maybe my picker isn't broken anymore? As I've been getting to know him, I've learned that his picker was broken for a really long time, too. Maybe we both got it right this time?

Time will tell, I suppose. I get to see him again on Wednesday, after he finishes his first day at his new job. I can't wait!!!


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> You read any Carl Jung? Get into that MA in psychology and you can have a blast reading him on dream interpretation and such.


I never have. I shall read about him to-day!

I am meeting a bunch of HS friends on Wednesday for dinner!
I never post anything overly personal on FB, however on the 16th, I posted something about the end of my marriage on FB (one year anniversary since I left OK), well things kinda escalated from there and a small dinner with 3 of my close friends has turned into an affair of about 12 people...

Some of these people I have not seen in 18 years. It is going to be strange.


----------



## Arendt

Yeah Carl Jung was a student of Freud and is most famous for his dream analysis and such. You will love his stuff.

Yeah for meeting old friends!


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> You read any Carl Jung? Get into that MA in psychology and you can have a blast reading him on dream interpretation and such.


I think last year we were talking about him here because of the Meyer-Briggs personality test. You missed it lol
Dream interpretation is always fun.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I had a great weekend with hot fireman. He brought me a book. (!) This guy pays attention.
> 
> My picker has always been broken. So, so broken, and so I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop with hot fireman. But it hasn't happened.
> 
> Maybe my picker isn't broken anymore? As I've been getting to know him, I've learned that his picker was broken for a really long time, too. Maybe we both got it right this time?
> 
> Time will tell, I suppose. I get to see him again on Wednesday, after he finishes his first day at his new job. I can't wait!!!


My GF and I both blatantly admit that we would probably not have normally hooked up. BUT we also believe that this is the best relationship either of us have had. I also feel very deeply that we have ALOT more potential, as we slowly open up and experience our lives together it is just getting better.
Sometimes looking out of your box is exactly what you needed to do.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I think last year we were talking about him here because of the Meyer-Briggs personality test. You missed it lol
> Dream interpretation is always fun.


I probably missed it as well, I like to interpret my dreams.
Last night's dream was really spot on. I feel my niece (she is 22yo) looks a lot like me, I admire her spirit, she is very outgoing, fun, makes friends easily and that is what I adore about her. I would literally die for her. 
Here is the interpretation:

'Your dream suggests there is a part of your own personality -"more daring and outgoing", perhaps- that you can only see through projection, because it has been repressed, probably because of your emotional scars; but the fact that your niece woke you up, and the kitchen was in semidarkness, indicates that you are beginning to become aware of it again. The second bag ripped and spilled on the floor; something is being wasted that could make you, and your relationship, complete and happier. You wondered if your boyfriend would recognize you, then decided "to stay in the shadows and *not let him see your face*". Your unconscious mind seems to be asking you to do just that! What is it that you are not showing him out of fear? Only you know.

I am not showing him my emotions/feelings because I know blue eyes will end things when I do. It is obvious my heart does not know how a FB relationship works, lol. 
I am glad he is leaving soon. I cannot seem to end things with him on my own terms....


----------



## COGypsy

I think I may have been on TAM too long.

We had an incident in my office this morning. Apparently one of the admins distributed the wrong phone number for a conference call.

The very wrong phone number for a conference call. It was in fact a number to a "fantasy" line. And we're not talking football. One of my more academic guys was on the line long enough to be asked about the state of his anatomy....

I opened the door from a budget meeting to find a LINE of people waiting to tell me about all of it and to confess to the mistakes. 

After I quit spitting coffee out my nose, I just kept thinking how hilarious it would be if some snoopy spouse had a VAR in one of the offices on this call!


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I had a great weekend with hot fireman. He brought me a book. (!) This guy pays attention.


That's the best thing ever!

I am happy for you that things are going so well!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I am not showing him my emotions/feelings because I know blue eyes will end things when I do. It is obvious my heart does not know how a FB relationship works, lol.
> I am glad he is leaving soon. I cannot seem to end things with him on my own terms....


That's crummy. However, he is not the only dude out there and you will meet someone hotter, sexier, and less afraid of feelings after he moves on to his other place. At least, you have learned something about yourself that you didn't know yesterday. This is powerful knowledge; use it.


----------



## moxy

COGypsy said:


> I think I may have been on TAM too long.
> 
> We had an incident in my office this morning. Apparently one of the admins distributed the wrong phone number for a conference call.
> 
> The very wrong phone number for a conference call. It was in fact a number to a "fantasy" line. And we're not talking football. One of my more academic guys was on the line long enough to be asked about the state of his anatomy....
> 
> I opened the door from a budget meeting to find a LINE of people waiting to tell me about all of it and to confess to the mistakes.
> 
> After I quit spitting coffee out my nose, I just kept thinking how hilarious it would be if some snoopy spouse had a VAR in one of the offices on this call!


That's hilarious! It needs to be in a novel somewhere.


----------



## COGypsy

moxy said:


> That's hilarious! It needs to be in a novel somewhere.


I know, right? I wish I could adequately express how funny and incredulous all these people were. I guess the best picture is to mention that I'm the administrator of a policy research group. My faculty are primarily bio-statisticians and economists working with big data from CMS and other federal agencies. Our Christmas party is pretty quiet, but our football pool kicks a$$. And we'll be working on our transcription and dialing skills at the next staff meeting 

Am I right that it would be far more entertaining to write up a new "policy" about closed door conference calls? I'm supposed to be drafting one about requirements for secondary faculty appointments, but it would amuse me far more to circulate a very official looking policy about calls we'd be allowed to take with the door closed!


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> My GF and I both blatantly admit that we would probably not have normally hooked up. BUT we also believe that this is the best relationship either of us have had. I also feel very deeply that we have ALOT more potential, as we slowly open up and experience our lives together it is just getting better.
> Sometimes looking out of your box is exactly what you needed to do.


AP, it's funny that you mention this, because he is SOOOOO different from anyone I have EVER dated, and vice versa. We are just so incredibly different, and yet... we seem to compliment one another really well. We've talked about what we were both like in high school, and we would have never given one another the time of day if we knew each other back then.

I kind of obsessed over that at the beginning, like how could this ever possibly work, we are just too different! But he doesn't mind; in fact, he really digs it. And I appreciate it more every day.

He does say that I'm a little to "head-y" sometimes. He loves that I'm smart, and that I'm a thinker, but he says I over-think sometimes. Which is true


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> That's the best thing ever!
> 
> I am happy for you that things are going so well!


I know, right?!?!?! He brought me a BOOK. A book that tied into our previous weekend spent together. 

I'm happy for me, too! But I'm a little terrified that I might fvck the whole thing up.

I thought I almost totally fvcked things up on Saturday night by being all over-thinky and head-y, but we talked about it and then it was OK. (I was internally reacting badly to something that ultimately had nothing to with me; not going into detail, but we talked about it, and it's OK.) I'm going to need to be careful about that.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> That's crummy. However, he is not the only dude out there and you will meet someone hotter, sexier, and less afraid of feelings after he moves on to his other place. At least, you have learned something about yourself that you didn't know yesterday. This is powerful knowledge; use it.


It is all about 
the boyfriend connection lol, I feel he looks a lot like this so called boyfriend of mine from 17 years ago.

In a way, I am reliving the relationship with ex bf. 

Btw, I have a picture of ex bf in my album, look at it guys and tell me if you think they look alike


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I know, right?!?!?! He brought me a BOOK. A book that tied into our previous weekend spent together.
> 
> *I'm happy for me, too! But I'm a little terrified that I might fvck the whole thing up.*
> 
> I thought I almost totally fvcked things up on Saturday night by being all over-thinky and head-y, but we talked about it and then it was OK. (I was internally reacting badly to something that ultimately had nothing to with me; not going into detail, but we talked about it, and it's OK.) I'm going to need to be careful about that.


My GF to this day says that once in a while, "God I hope I don't fvck this up"...it is interesting to say the least. 

Both her and I over think especially at the beginning. But we talked about anything that came up and seem to have worked through most everything. 
So make sure you talk about everything, whats the worst that could happen? You fix the problem? Or what you might find out you guys aren't compatible? Big whoop! Better then then after the rings go on!


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Reading what you've written here restores my faith in the capacity of men to be decent. Thank you.
> 
> BTW, I don't think Guy is likely to show my photos to anyone; he is a little conservative. I haven't sent anything I'd be ashamed of, anyhow, thankfully.



Don't worry it works the same for the guys . It's just l think a lot of guys are a bit naive about women and just what will come out and gets talked about when they get with their friends.
l'm a very private person and l hate the thought of anything personal going on behind my back so l always worry about that stuff.
Shame though , in all this , the things l've read and learned more about women , l need my faith in them restored but that's becoming more and more like some kind of fantasy the further l go .


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> It's definitely not gender specific, it's boundary specific. It's like when an opposite gender friend starts to complain about intimate problems in their relationship. That's better off being dealt with within their relationship, not with you.



Yep that's fr sure as l just finished saying to moxy. l think women are worse after all this , especially if personal problems start to come into things. You can guarantee they're probably gonna go and blab to someone , maybe everyone if it's the wrong kinda girl. Or maybe in a public forum among thousands.

lt's sad to me but l actually trust far more guys in this type of stuff and most decency areas these days . Unfortunately it just seems there are absolutely no bounds with women at the end of the day.
Maybe l just expect too much . l don't mean this stuff in a run down the women sense it's just how l see it time and time again .


----------



## whitehawk

Am l suppose to tell her l'm only interested as friends ???

Don't get me wrong , l'm still holding out for beach girl, l just haven't been able to catch up with her for 2wks. Don't ask , already explained :rofl:

But there's a few girls left over from my date site which l'm not even using lately but we have kept in touch .

One in particular , her sitch is very similar to mine and she's great to talk to so we call a lot and text . 
Nothing on us , as in an us thing , has ever come up especially from me bc l'm not attracted to her in that way at all , she's a great girl though.

So in this situation because that srtuffs never actually come up , am l suppose to just come out and tell her up front l'm not interested in anything other than friends before it goes any further ? 

l can't tell fore sure if she sees us as hopefully more or not .


----------



## whitehawk

Speaking of this type of thing , l dunno how the fk you guys manage to meet someone your actually attracted to on date sites so easily , l really don't.

l meet dozens but as yet l've yet to meet even just one , one , that l feel any kind of attraction to once we meet in RL or after l see better pics later on.

Fair enough , l live in a crap area for lookers but they are around , maybe just not on the date sites hell l don't know.

l've only met 3 my types in RL since all this and l was attracted to all 3 of them and had things with 2 . Date sites , 20 -30 women hell l don't even know any more , not one !

l dunno how you guys are managing it 

ps , hang on . there has been a couple on my date site that's right but both of them disappeared, both of them. Makes me think the only two l found were fakes anyway.


----------



## bravenewworld

Wow Fem sounds great! Gives those of us with faulty pickers hope! Firemen are usually pretty dang hot in my city. I feel badly they have to deal with my ogling, rawr! 

Whitehawk guess I've been lucky, most of the peeps I've met online have actually looked better in person. One guy was super hot but he was a psychiatrist and spent the entire date talking about his patients (very personal) problems. Not only weird but a bit unethical? Either way it killed the lady boner.

Got a really dumb dilemma, attending a huge family get together at a sporting event. Yay! BUT - the seats are nearby the same section as the last guy I dated, George. He's a season ticket holder, so if he hasn't sold them for that particular game there's a good chance I'll run into him and his gf. Which is awkward, because I discovered he was a major liar with a personality disorder, and needless to say it did not end well. I'm working on perfecting my "who farted?" face a 'la Jellybeans Prince gif.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Speaking of this type of thing , l dunno how the fk you guys manage to meet someone your actually attracted to on date sites so easily , l really don't.
> 
> 
> 
> l dunno how you guys are managing it
> 
> .


:rofl: I know right??

I got back on match just to browse. I checked about 70 profiles, and only liked 1 person! haha. 
I went ahead and liked his photos, if he writes me an email, I might consider re activating my match account


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Got a really dumb dilemma, attending a huge family get together at a sporting event. Yay! BUT - the seats are nearby the same section as the last guy I dated, George. He's a season ticket holder, so if he hasn't sold them for that particular game there's a good chance I'll run into him and his gf. Which is awkward, because I discovered he was a major liar with a personality disorder, and needless to say it did not end well. I'm working on perfecting my "who farted?" face a 'la Jellybeans Prince gif.


Just be polite and extremely super happy!!! Enjoy yourself, do not mind him or new girlfriend. Act just like yourself 


EDIT: Watching Redskins!! GO BABY GO!!!


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Just be polite and extremely super happy!!! Enjoy yourself, do not mind him or new girlfriend. Act just like yourself
> 
> 
> EDIT: Watching Redskins!! GO BABY GO!!!


Thanks NE! We have a new baby in the family and it's his first trip the stadium, so it will be hard not to have a good time. 

I know it's dumb but the thought of seeing him after how he treated me just makes my tummy churn a little.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Wow Fem sounds great! Gives those of us with faulty pickers hope! Firemen are usually pretty dang hot in my city. I feel badly they have to deal with my ogling, rawr!
> 
> Whitehawk guess I've been lucky, most of the peeps I've met online have actually looked better in person. One guy was super hot but he was a psychiatrist and spent the entire date talking about his patients (very personal) problems. Not only weird but a bit unethical? Either way it killed the lady boner.
> 
> 
> How's that , and a shrink no less , that's bad , tacky . You'd think he'd have more class wouldn't you.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Thanks NE! We have a new baby in the family and it's his first trip the stadium, so it will be hard not to have a good time.
> 
> I know it's dumb but the thought of seeing him after how he treated me just makes my tummy churn a little.


I know the feeling!
The best revenge is looking hot and happy 
Make it happen BNW!


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I know the feeling!
> The best revenge is looking hot and happy
> Make it happen BNW!


Well I have lost 15 lb since I last saw him plus I've got my golden tan going on!


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> How's that , and a shrink no less , that's bad , tacky . You'd think he'd have more class wouldn't you.


Right?! It made me all paranoid about what my shrink says! Plus what kind of person thinks talking about people dealing with porn addiction, alcoholism, and molestor fantasies makes for good dinner conversation? :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Well I have lost 15 lb since I last saw him plus I've got my golden tan going on!


:smthumbup:

Bow-chicka-wow-wow .... work it


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Well I have lost 15 lb since I last saw him plus I've got my golden tan going on!


Oh, you totally got this. You look awesome, and you'll have the "who farted?" look down. You got this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> My GF to this day says that once in a while, "God I hope I don't fvck this up"...it is interesting to say the least.
> 
> Both her and I over think especially at the beginning. But we talked about anything that came up and seem to have worked through most everything.
> So make sure you talk about everything, whats the worst that could happen? You fix the problem? Or what you might find out you guys aren't compatible? Big whoop! Better then then after the rings go on!


Real good point. And part of this, for me, is making sure that my concerns are heard. This is the first time in a long time, maybe EVER, that I've been with someone who legitimately cares about my needs and my wants. There's definitely some limits on that--he set some reasonable boundaries of his own during this conversation on Saturday--but he's placing my needs on par with his own, which is refreshing. I don't know that I've ever experienced that before.

I definitely revealed a couple of emotional scars/wounds to him on Saturday, and it went better than planned. And now he wants to meet my parents, to see just how fvcked up they are. 

:rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Real good point. And part of this, for me, is making sure that my concerns are heard. This is the first time in a long time, maybe EVER, that I've been with someone who legitimately cares about my needs and my wants. There's definitely some limits on that--he set some reasonable boundaries of his own during this conversation on Saturday--but he's placing my needs on par with his own, which is refreshing. I don't know that I've ever experienced that before.
> 
> I definitely revealed a couple of emotional scars/wounds to him on Saturday, and it went better than planned. And now he wants to meet my parents, to see just how fvcked up they are.
> 
> :rofl:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is so wonderful FiP!!

It really warms my heart that you have found someone special. I am a bit strange in the sense that once I connect with people, I want the best for them and ask the universe to bring them love and happiness. The downside to this, is that I worry about them as well. I will not say "Don't **** it up" because I know you are strong, intelligent, beautiful, and will not fvck anything up.
You both are lucky you have found each other.

ugh... yeah, sometimes I get too lovey/dovey with complete strangers haha. I am in a very happy mood!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bravenewworld said:


> Wow Fem sounds great! Gives those of us with faulty pickers hope! Firemen are usually pretty dang hot in my city. I feel badly they have to deal with my ogling, rawr!


Is it weird that I find immense comfort in the discovery that other women in the world have faulty man pickers like I do??


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Is it weird that I find immense comfort in the discovery that other women in the world have faulty man pickers like I do??


Nope, it is not weird. I think most of us, at one point or another pick the wrong man, eventually we get it right.

On unrelated news, I am driving to LA tomorrow... ugh... I hate LA traffic... I totally unequivocally detest it!

But it must be done, going to see my sisters, my friends, and catch a plane to Dallas.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Nope, it is not weird. I think most of us, at one point or another pick the wrong man, eventually we get it right.
> 
> On unrelated news, I am driving to LA tomorrow... ugh... I hate LA traffic... I totally unequivocally detest it!
> 
> But it must be done, going to see my sisters, my friends, and catch a plane to Dallas.


LA Traffic does suck! But, there are some wonderful places to hang out there! Have an awesome time in Dallas!!  If I were in town, I'd wanna hang out with you; have a drink and flirt with some hot dudes on my behalf!


----------



## moxy

I'm trying to beat a work deadline, but somehow really, really exhausted. I feel like I need some sleep. I also feel like I want to ask Guy out to a movie; he might say no, but he might say yes and then my day would be happier. Funny how when we like people we find that their company lifts our spirits and energizes us. 

I don't believe anyone's picker is broken, but...we all make weird choices at one time or another because there are lessons we have to learn in life that we didn't see coming. :/


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm trying to beat a work deadline, but somehow really, really exhausted. I feel like I need some sleep. I also feel like I want to ask Guy out to a movie; he might say no, but he might say yes and then my day would be happier. Funny how when we like people we find that their company lifts our spirits and energizes us.
> 
> I don't believe anyone's picker is broken, but...we all make weird choices at one time or another because there are lessons we have to learn in life that we didn't see coming. :/


Just ask him out 

So, I am trying to be more liberal in the bedroom. I am reading everything the internet has to offer (not very informative haha) and I found this gem!!

Should You Begin a Relationship That Has an Expiration Date? * Hooking Up Smart

The Top 5 Reasons It’s Worth Getting Involved Now Even If You Break Up Later



*1. You’ll have a much better year. *

Dating is hell, and one of the things people love best about getting into a relationship is going off the market. For a year, you have a partner in crime, a source of support, a person to love, a built-in Plus One. That beats the single life every time.

*2. You’ll develop relationship skills.* 

Learning to compromise, empathize, and put someone else’s well being front and center takes practice. Going from “I’m #1″ to “I’d do anything for him” is a huge adjustment. You’ll learn what you have to offer a partner, and what you need in return. There’s no substitute for a real relationship. Even if it doesn’t last forever, it helps shape you as a future partner for someone else.

*3. You’ll have new experiences*.

Being introduced to someone else’s family, friends and interests is a wonderful time of discovery and learning. You get to see the world through someone else’s eyes. You get to make memories you could never make alone. You grow as a person.

*4. Your breakup will be amicable.*

If it happens, and you decide to end your relationship when one of you moves, you’ll be prepared. You may mourn the loss, but it won’t feel like someone has thrown your heart on the ground and stomped on it. Because you’re aware of the expiration date, you can agree to keep things light or not, but either way the mourning period should be brief.

*5. Never say never.*

In addition to the couples who manage to do the long-distance thing and stay together, there are many couples who find their way back together in time. Circumstances separate them, but they continue to cherish the relationship and reach out years later.

I like to think of the “relationship with expiration date” not as a dead end, or a door slamming shut, but as a door deliberately left open.

Always be open to love if you can.


So far, I have already done 1 through 4!! THe previous times we ended things, we ended them very amicably. I told him he was a wonderful person, and he told me I had a great heart! haha.... 
So there!!

Science, once again, triumphs!!!! 
Disclaimer: no, it is not science! I am being funny!


----------



## RandomDude

^ Lol wtf? 

Fk no!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> ^ Lol wtf?
> 
> Fk no!


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I would give a penny to watch the expression on your face!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Speaking of this type of thing , l dunno how the fk you guys manage to meet someone your actually attracted to on date sites so easily , l really don't.


It's a #s game. Keep trying. Also, what happened to beach girl? Did you ask her out?



bravenewworld said:


> BUT - the seats are nearby the same section as the last guy I dated, George. He's a season ticket holder, so if he hasn't sold them for that particular game there's a good chance I'll run into him and his gf.


Take a good friend with you and have a great time. And be happy you aren't with this guy. He sounds like a loser with a big L on his forehead.



bravenewworld said:


> I'm working on perfecting my "who farted?" face a 'la Jellybeans Prince gif.


:rofl:












FeministInPink said:


> This is the first time in a long time, maybe EVER, that I've been with someone who legitimately cares about my needs and my wants.
> 
> *And now he wants to meet my parents, to see just how fvcked up they are. *


:rofl::rofl::rofl: Love this!


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> It's a #s game. Keep trying. Also, what happened to beach girl? Did you ask her out?
> 
> 
> 
> Haha thanks jb. But nah l'm outa the game for now anyway as l'm busy tryin to catch me a beach girl :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> This is so wonderful FiP!!
> 
> It really warms my heart that you have found someone special. I am a bit strange in the sense that once I connect with people, I want the best for them and ask the universe to bring them love and happiness. The downside to this, is that I worry about them as well. I will not say "Don't **** it up" because I know you are strong, intelligent, beautiful, and will not fvck anything up.
> You both are lucky you have found each other.
> 
> ugh... yeah, sometimes I get too lovey/dovey with complete strangers haha. I am in a very happy mood!


Thanks, ne... I'm glad to know you have such faith in me, because I am not so sure of myself. Everything about this is new territory for me.

He did something for me this past weekend. I don't even remember what it was... something small, like we stopped at the store and he carried the bag or the basket or something like that, something that my XH would have huffed and puffed and complained about, if I asked him to do it. And I said "thank you for doing XYZ, that was really sweet and I appreciate it." And his response? "What, that? That's just something you do [for your girlfriend]."

And my heart just took to flight when he said that. I had no idea how much my marriage (and my awful relationship with my mother) had lowered my expectations. All these things that I wanted and needed from my relationship with my XH, but never received... and if I dd receive them, it was always begrudgingly and with a guilt trip attached... I had become convinced that my expectations were just too high. But it turns out, my expectations had always been just right. It was my XH (and my mother) who were wrong.

And hot fireman, he just does stuff like this ALL THE TIME. Like, it is so unfamiliar to me that sometimes I just stare and gawk at him for a second, before I remember and compose myself. I just think, what planet did this guy come from, and how do I make sure that he stays here?

But at the same time I am constantly fighting a battle with my subconscious. I keep hearing my mother's voice, telling me that he must want something from me, because people are only nice when they want something. Which I know isn't true, it's just her skewed view of the world, but she drilled it into me, and so this is what I'm dealing with. I just hope, with time, as I repeatedly talk myself out of the crazy, that it will eventually fade.


----------



## whitehawk

l have come allllllll the way back into tam though , just to vent this little ideal l've been having about someone new. Because you guys are the only ones that might listen anyway :rofl: and we talk ike this round here , because fk it , we're aloud to dream , right !
No it's not that kinda fantasy , it'd be nothing at all to anyone else actually unless they know my stretch of coast road for as far as the eye can see .

But when l was on the date site , l often met someone either up the coast or down the coast.
l have this silly wittle dream of cruising up or down the coast to my new gf's place and her to mine , up back up back to each others place.
lf you saw the road you'd catch my drift, how cool that'd be .
Might even chuck in a pic one of these days :scratchhead:

Now back to reality oop there goes gravity - eminem btw , how true though


----------



## moxy

FIP -- our family issues can be tough to handle. Keep your guards down, with this man. He seems considerate and sweet and into you. He seems worth the risk of being wrong about people.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Haha thanks jb. But nah l'm outa the game for now anyway as l'm busy tryin to catch me a beach girl :rofl:


Well you know, that's never going to happen unless you actually ask her/them out, right?



FeministInPink said:


> He did something for me this past weekend. I don't even remember what it was... something small, like we stopped at the store and he carried the bag or the basket or something like that, something that my XH would have huffed and puffed and complained about, if I asked him to do it. And I said "thank you for doing XYZ, that was really sweet and I appreciate it." And his response? "What, that? That's just something you do [for your girlfriend]."


Ah! It really is the little things! :smthumbup:

And I thi nk it's normal to have some negative-head-talk post-divorce...waiting for the other shoe to drop and whatnot, after disappointments but you can't let that rule you. You have got to just enjoy the moment, dear. 



whitehawk said:


> But when l was on the date site , l often met someone either up the coast or down the coast.
> l have this silly wittle dream of cruising up or down the coast to my new gf's place and her to mine , up back up back to each others place.
> lf you saw the road you'd catch my drift, how cool that'd be.
> now back to reality oop there goes gravity - eminem btw


That does sound really lovely. And I love that you just quoted enimem. Lol.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks, ne... I'm glad to know you have such faith in me, because I am not so sure of myself. Everything about this is new territory for me.
> 
> He did something for me this past weekend. I don't even remember what it was... something small, like we stopped at the store and he carried the bag or the basket or something like that, something that my XH would have huffed and puffed and complained about, if I asked him to do it. And I said "thank you for doing XYZ, that was really sweet and I appreciate it." And his response? "What, that? That's just something you do [for your girlfriend]."
> 
> And my heart just took to flight when he said that. I had no idea how much my marriage (and my awful relationship with my mother) had lowered my expectations. All these things that I wanted and needed from my relationship with my XH, but never received... and if I dd receive them, it was always begrudgingly and with a guilt trip attached... I had become convinced that my expectations were just too high. But it turns out, my expectations had always been just right. It was my XH (and my mother) who were wrong.
> 
> And hot fireman, he just does stuff like this ALL THE TIME. Like, it is so unfamiliar to me that sometimes I just stare and gawk at him for a second, before I remember and compose myself. I just think, what planet did this guy come from, and how do I make sure that he stays here?
> 
> But at the same time I am constantly fighting a battle with my subconscious. I keep hearing my mother's voice, telling me that he must want something from me, because people are only nice when they want something. Which I know isn't true, it's just her skewed view of the world, but she drilled it into me, and so this is what I'm dealing with. I just hope, with time, as I repeatedly talk myself out of the crazy, that it will eventually fade.


FIP while im super happy you found someone...just a quick dose of reality...you have not been dating fireman long at all...people can hide themselves very easily.... last serious one I dated was about a year before the real guy came out.... hmm i think its my hairdresser (straight man btw) who always tells me that men like to tell you they are what they are not in the beginning...sigh and to quote a conrad, I think his rule was 300 days????


----------



## movealong

I have two women from zoosk that I am chatting with, one that I went out with over the weekend (I'll call her Janis because she has a raspy voice like Janis Joplin) and will be seeing more regularly. The other (I'll call her Ms. T because she is a teacher) lives 2 hours away, but I have really enjoyed talking with her and we were planning on meeting over the holiday weekend. Janis is close, attractive, and we hit it off very well. Ms. T, though, seems to be a good intellectual and lifestyle match for me.

Ugh. It isn't right to string either off them along, so I am thinking I need to cut ties with Ms. T because of distance. It really sux because there is something about her that has really drawn me in. 

Janis has a physical attraction for me, but not so much lifestyle.

i didn't expect to have this quandary.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks, ne... I'm glad to know you have such faith in me, because I am not so sure of myself. Everything about this is new territory for me.
> 
> He did something for me this past weekend. I don't even remember what it was... something small, like we stopped at the store and he carried the bag or the basket or something like that, something that my XH would have huffed and puffed and complained about, if I asked him to do it. And I said "thank you for doing XYZ, that was really sweet and I appreciate it." And his response? "What, that? That's just something you do [for your girlfriend]."
> 
> And my heart just took to flight when he said that. I had no idea how much my marriage (and my awful relationship with my mother) had lowered my expectations. All these things that I wanted and needed from my relationship with my XH, but never received... and if I dd receive them, it was always begrudgingly and with a guilt trip attached... I had become convinced that my expectations were just too high. But it turns out, my expectations had always been just right. It was my XH (and my mother) who were wrong.
> 
> And hot fireman, he just does stuff like this ALL THE TIME. Like, it is so unfamiliar to me that sometimes I just stare and gawk at him for a second, before I remember and compose myself. I just think, what planet did this guy come from, and how do I make sure that he stays here?
> 
> But at the same time I am constantly fighting a battle with my subconscious. I keep hearing my mother's voice, telling me that he must want something from me, because people are only nice when they want something. Which I know isn't true, it's just her skewed view of the world, but she drilled it into me, and so this is what I'm dealing with. I just hope, with time, as I repeatedly talk myself out of the crazy, that it will eventually fade.


Awwww...this makes me smile 
Even though he says it's nothing just make sure he feels appreciated always and you'll keep on getting treated that way and take care of you.
And Unsure is correct, you never do know who they really are for awhile.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> FIP while im super happy you found someone...just a quick dose of reality...you have not been dating fireman long at all...people can hide themselves very easily.... last serious one I dated was about a year before the real guy came out.... hmm i think its my hairdresser (straight man btw) who always tells me that men like to tell you they are what they are not in the beginning...sigh and to quote a conrad, I think his rule was 300 days????


Don't worry, unsure, I am super SUPER aware of this. My prior experiences have taught me to be super-suspicious of everyone and their motives. But I can't live my life assuming that everyone is going to be as sh!tty as my exes and my mother; if I live my life assuming that, that is what I am going to get, because I will have closed myself off emotionally from anything better, And I don't want to live a bitter, jaded, and defensive life because I've been hurt before; I'm not going to allow my past to control me.

If it turns out that this isn't really who he is, and he turns out to be a jerk, then I will give him the boot. And I certainly have no plans to move in together or get married again any time soon, certainly not before Conrad's 300-day rule. But I'm not going to assume that he's a wolf in sheep's clothing, either. After all, I'm not faking it. I'm not pretending to be something other than what I am. Why should I penalize him for the behaviors of others, and assume that he's pretending to be something he's not?

That's not to say that I'm not paying attention. I'm not overlooking things. There are a couple potential yellow flags, but I'm not pushing these, I want to see how they play out on their own. I've learned from my prior mistakes, and for now, I am enjoying, but I am also observing.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> He did something for me this past weekend. I don't even remember what it was... something small, like we stopped at the store and he carried the bag or the basket or something like that, something that my XH would have huffed and puffed and complained about, if I asked him to do it. And I said "thank you for doing XYZ, that was really sweet and I appreciate it." And his response? "What, that? That's just something you do [for your girlfriend]."
> 
> And my heart just took to flight when he said that. I had no idea how much my marriage (and my awful relationship with my mother) had lowered my expectations. All these things that I wanted and needed from my relationship with my XH, but never received... and if I dd receive them, it was always begrudgingly and with a guilt trip attached... I had become convinced that my expectations were just too high. But it turns out, my expectations had always been just right. It was my XH (and my mother) who were wrong.
> 
> And hot fireman, he just does stuff like this ALL THE TIME. Like, it is so unfamiliar to me that sometimes I just stare and gawk at him for a second, before I remember and compose myself. I just think, what planet did this guy come from, and how do I make sure that he stays here?
> 
> .


Yeah, it is strange to view this type of behavior when we have been used to the opposite. My ex was actually very nice, very accommodating except when it came to his phone. He would get very angry at me if I walked in when he was having a phone conversation. He would literally accuse me of spying on him! Or wanting to be extra nosy. 
A few months ago, I went to see blue eyes, I had told him I would arrive late because of traffic, but I got there fairly earlier than anticipated. I came in his room and he was on the phone. I was literally mortified, I even surprised myself how apologetic I was. I just kept babbling on and on and on how sorry I was... He simply said it was fine, gave me a hug and kept on talking on the phone while holding me.



movealong said:


> I have two women from zoosk that I am chatting with, one that I went out with over the weekend (I'll call her Janis because she has a raspy voice like Janis Joplin) and will be seeing more regularly. The other (I'll call her Ms. T because she is a teacher) lives 2 hours away, but I have really enjoyed talking with her and we were planning on meeting over the holiday weekend. Janis is close, attractive, and we hit it off very well. Ms. T, though, seems to be a good intellectual and lifestyle match for me.
> 
> Ugh. It isn't right to string either off them along, so I am thinking I need to cut ties with Ms. T because of distance. It really sux because there is something about her that has really drawn me in.
> 
> Janis has a physical attraction for me, but not so much lifestyle.
> 
> i didn't expect to have this quandary.


I do not feel as if you stringing them along, you are simply talking to them and getting to know them. As I recall you were really into the woman who lived 2 hours away.
Keep talking to both of them, keep being friendly to both.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> FIP -- our family issues can be tough to handle. Keep your guards down, with this man. He seems considerate and sweet and into you. He seems worth the risk of being wrong about people.


Nothing worth having comes without taking a risk, right?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> FIP while im super happy you found someone...just a quick dose of reality...you have not been dating fireman long at all...people can hide themselves very easily.... last serious one I dated was about a year before the real guy came out.... hmm i think its my hairdresser (straight man btw) who always tells me that men like to tell you they are what they are not in the beginning...sigh and to quote a conrad, I think his rule was 300 days????


It's 100 days and far from his rule. Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> It's 100 days and far from his rule. Lol.


Daddio, do you know the rule, and can you elaborate?


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> It's 100 days and far from his rule. Lol.


Woohoo!
Blue eyes and I are at 150 days! Haha.... I am fixing to head to LA so nervous... I rather jump out an airplane a million times than drive in that LA traffic.....
Catch you later!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> Daddio, do you know the rule, and can you elaborate?


It's not a rule or something to add as a date on your calendar. It's one of those things where "studies" were done and at the 3 month mark at times that's when things start to get more serious. Either both want it to go the next step or it begins to change.

Think of it as another "7 year itch" type of thought process.

Quite frankly everyone runs the risk of potentially being heartbroken a few more times in their lifetime. That's why boundaries and a strong sense of self is so important. It helps reduce the relationships that start off for the wrong reasons and promote one's where even if it ends, you walk away a better person.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> It's not a rule or something to add as a date on your calendar. It's one of those things where "studies" were done and at the 3 month mark at times that's when things start to get more serious. Either both want it to go the next step or it begins to change.
> 
> Think of it as another "7 year itch" type of thought process.
> 
> Quite frankly everyone runs the risk of potentially being heartbroken a few more times in their lifetime. That's why boundaries and a strong sense of self is so important. It helps reduce the relationships that start off for the wrong reasons and promote one's where even if it ends, you walk away a better person.


Interesting, and makes total sense. I may try to do a little more research, just because.

Statistically speaking, I know that my relationship with hot fireman has a better chance of not working out in the long run. Dan Savage always says (paraphrasing, obviously), _every romantic relationship in your life is destined to end, until you find the one that doesn't... and even that one will eventually end, because you both have to die at some point._ And I've heard that it takes, on average, 3 post-divorce tries before you find a relationship that can go long-term.

If this turns out to be long-term, great. If not, then it was fun while it lasted and I will have gained something from it. I'm taking it one day at a time, and I just hope I don't do anything to torpedo/sabotage myself...


----------



## moxy

unsure78 said:


> who always tells me that men like to tell you they are what they are not in the beginning...sigh and to quote a conrad, I think his rule was 300 days????


300 days! Wow! I can understand that. Even in my own life, I am more myself as I feel comfortable with another person and I take a long time to open up. And, in that time, the novelty wears off and bits of reality become more apparent. It's a good strategy for those looking for a long term thing or a marriage.



movealong said:


> Janis is close, attractive, and we hit it off very well. Ms. T, though, seems to be a good intellectual and lifestyle match for me.
> 
> Ugh. It isn't right to string either off them along, so I am thinking I need to cut ties with Ms. T because of distance. It really sux because there is something about her that has really drawn me in.
> 
> Janis has a physical attraction for me, but not so much lifestyle.


So, it comes down to a short-term vs long-term relationship? Can you see both of them? Or, do you prefer to just date one person at a time? If you're honest about it, you're not leading anyone on.



Another Planet said:


> Even though he says it's nothing just make sure he feels appreciated always and you'll keep on getting treated that way and take care of you.


Making sure the other person feels appreciated is always important! 




06Daddio08 said:


> It's not a rule or something to add as a date on your calendar. It's one of those things where "studies" were done and at the 3 month mark at times that's when things start to get more serious. Either both want it to go the next step or it begins to change.
> 
> Think of it as another "7 year itch" type of thought process.


This makes sense, too. I suppose that after 3 months, one has a better sense of another person beyond those things that were initially attractive. I imagine that how much people talk during that time, what kinds of things they do together during that time, and how self-aware each person is might play a part in assessing the dynamic. It sounds to me like FIP & the Fireman are really making efforts to be open and connected and to communicate; in 100 days, that depth of connection can probably reveal a lot about compatibility.


----------



## ne9907

I made it to LA!! Yay, with only a minor incident. So apparently, my sisters, nieces, and brother think I am gay haha.
My very good co worker is bisexual, but she looks very masculine. We go out and hang out a lot. We have so much together!
I am always posting pictures of us on FB, and when my family members asked about her and I being together I just laugh. I tell them I am not gay, but if I was, I still have it because co worker is only 23 years old...
I find it hillarious. Oh, and the fact that I am not actively dating anyone, blue eyes is my secret, pretty much proves to them I am gay


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Well you know, that's never going to happen unless you actually ask her/them out, right?
> 
> That does sound really lovely. And I love that you just quoted enimem. Lol.



Yeah , if you love driving , hmmm man , doesn't get much better than this road . When l had my Jag l'd be driving up or down the coast for something with music roaring and l use to think - is this even real .
You picked up eminem, why tankya :smthumbup: . ns is usually the only one that likes my eminem lines . He's probably busy chasing nurses atm :rofl:

Thanks for the boot jb but remember beach girls dilemma , the kids , her ex sitch and all. lt's a delicate operation this one :rofl: and l've only seen her once since and again my d was watching every move, more suss than ever now, doesn't miss a trick the little rascal. But eh, fine things take time, not sweating it :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I have two women from zoosk that I am chatting with, one that I went out with over the weekend (I'll call her Janis because she has a raspy voice like Janis Joplin) and will be seeing more regularly. The other (I'll call her Ms. T because she is a teacher) lives 2 hours away, but I have really enjoyed talking with her and we were planning on meeting over the holiday weekend. Janis is close, attractive, and we hit it off very well. Ms. T, though, seems to be a good intellectual and lifestyle match for me.
> 
> Ugh. It isn't right to string either off them along, so I am thinking I need to cut ties with Ms. T because of distance. It really sux because there is something about her that has really drawn me in.
> 
> Janis has a physical attraction for me, but not so much lifestyle.
> 
> i didn't expect to have this quandary.



l was just asking about this same dilemma a few pages back myself. But eh, at least your actually attracted to one of them , that's a good start.

But l kept meeting girls l wasn't attracted to once we met but l did enjoy them as friends . Well l'm still in touch with one or two myself on just a friend level from my point of view.
l dunno what they think though , if they're expecting more to come of it or if they're taking our talking and keeping in touch the wrong way.
l never know if l'm suppose to point out the fact that it's just a friend thing to me though.
Interesting to see ne's answer though which is pretty well what l've been doing.
One keeps pushing to go out again though. As a friend yeah l like seeing her we get along really well, but just as a friend though. Not sure how she means it .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> 300 days! Wow! I can understand that. Even in my own life, I am more myself as I feel comfortable with another person and I take a long time to open up. And, in that time, the novelty wears off and bits of reality become more apparent. It's a good strategy for those looking for a long term thing or a marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> So, it comes down to a short-term vs long-term relationship? Can you see both of them? Or, do you prefer to just date one person at a time? If you're honest about it, you're not leading anyone on.
> 
> 
> Thing is mox , unless it actually comes up so that you can lead from there , l always feel like l'd be acting pretty presumptuous if l just bring up the l'm only interested in friendship thing .
> As l was just saying to move with a few l'm still only just friends with.
> A few have gotten [email protected] and offended when l've tried to say that stuff. So l never quite know how to approach it.
> 
> actually feel really bothered right now with the one l was just saying to move about , that keeps wanting to meet up again somewhere . We get along really well and l really like her as a friend but that's it. Haven't really told her that though as it's just never come up.


----------



## RandomDude

Been talking to FWB about priorities and relationships, another reason why we're not compatible really (either than for sex), though tis interesting. For her it's: Physical -> Financial -> Emotional... which seems to be quite normal I guess. 

In the past ex and I clicked because our priorities were the same:
Physical -> Emotional -> Financial
It makes a big difference really... 

Though I guess the romantic ideal is more like: Emotional -> Physical -> Financial no? Meh, not for me, physical attraction comes before emotions for me.

Realistically in the big city it's mostly Financial -> Physical -> Emotional, which makes me paranoid if I'm valued primarily by my wealth. Bah, anyways whatever


----------



## 06Daddio08

Depends what your definition of financial is. I for one have no intention on being with someone who's financially immature. That doesn't mean they have to have a lot of money, they can't be spending more than they make.


----------



## RandomDude

True, ex did spend extravagantly during our early years of marriage which frustrated me for a time before she learnt to be more responsible for our joint accounts.

Still, I consider that a seperate issue! As THAT I can and have dealt with, like with my ex. I can't deal with being valued for my wallet however - immediate dealbreaker.

But at least FWB has physical as her first priority, otherwise we won't be FWBs would we? So yay!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Been talking to FWB about priorities and relationships, another reason why we're not compatible really (either than for sex), though tis interesting. For her it's: Physical -> Financial -> Emotional... which seems to be quite normal I guess.
> 
> See , there we have it once again and yet, the girls have the gall to make shallow insinuations just because we like looks or wanna see a decent fkg photo.
> The double standards just keep on rolling on.
> 
> No offense man but she's as shallow as , lucky for you it's only some fun.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Well I don't think FWB is shallow, she's rather quite normal! 

Besides I'm happy with her priorities since all I want from her is sex lol, funny thing too that she finds my successes adds to my sex appeal like wtf? How does that work? 

Meh, must be a woman thing, can't think of a guy going "Oooo, that chick is hot because she's rich!"


----------



## whitehawk

Haha ,can see why you have problems finding someone that isn't materialistic then if that's normal. l mean emotional last , fk me . But yep , who cares l guess , that's perfect for you right now .
Yep that'd be right . lots of women find success sexy and with her priorities no surprises in that one.


----------



## movealong

Do people have to be "friends" with you here to see pictures? I was going to put one up, but I am wary because it is my DD.


----------



## whitehawk

yeah l'm too paranoid to go plastering pics around . Had some in , ripped them out.
Mox , spewing l missed yours though:rofl:

Sorry move , no expert , but l think you can make them private friends only or public but don't quote me on it :scratchhead:


----------



## movealong

Can you take a look and see if you can see the pics I put in my albums?


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> Do people have to be "friends" with you here to see pictures? I was going to put one up, but I am wary because it is my DD.


I you make the album "Private," only your friends will be able to see it.


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> I you make the album "Private," only your friends will be able to see it.


I saw that after I asked, lol! Did you see the pics?


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> I saw that after I asked, lol! Did you see the pics?


Yeah!


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah!


Those were taken yesterday. She is 11! And yes, I have a gun, a shovel and an alibi, lol!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

You and your daughter are both adorable!


----------



## movealong

3Xnocharm said:


> You and your daughter are both adorable!


Thank you. 

eta: I agree with jellybeans' comment on yours.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Thank you.
> 
> eta: I agree with jellybeans' comment on yours.


Thanks!


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Can you take a look and see if you can see the pics I put in my albums?


Very cool photos Movealong!

You and your daughter are both super cute!!


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> Very cool photos Movealong!
> 
> You and your daughter are both super cute!!


Thanks, ne!


----------



## poppyseed

ne9907 said:


> I like to think of the “relationship with expiration date” not as a dead end, or a door slamming shut, but as a door deliberately left open.
> 
> Always be open to love if you can.
> 
> 
> Science, once again, triumphs!!!!
> Disclaimer: no, it is not science! I am being funny!


I agree with this. Thank you for sharing. Be open to friendship / to love and care. Life's too short.


----------



## Another Planet

10 Amazing Things that Will Happen When You Learn to Enjoy Being Alone | Earth. We are one.

A good reminder being single isn't so bad


----------



## movealong

That's a pretty good list of Amazing things!


----------



## whitehawk

l had to do the deed again last night , God l hate that [email protected]
Just for anyone new because some asked last time , the "deed" is having to tell someone your not interested .

This was just someone l met 4 or 5 wks ago and we've kept in touch and still talk a fair bit.
To me it was obviously just as friends or l'd be rushing her off wouldn't l ! We'd just ring anytime , talk about your day or crap or go for coffees just like you do with any friends.
Turns out she was thinking it was a lot more and we were just easing along and we were made for each other.

l felt so bad, great girl , so much to offer and hard to find qualities these days . But she's totally lost confidence in herself bc of ex stuff and then more with guys she's met so far since.
She's a catch and a 1/2 , just wasn't for me that's all .
l wish people could understand things like this aren't a personal or a reflection on them , it's just an it's there or it isn't thing , not personal.
It doesn't mean they didn't have this or weren't that , it's really nothing to do with stuff like that it's just natures way. We have it with whom ever we have it with and that's really as simple as that.

Sorry , just venting really , l feel as though l've set her back even further now and she's been all upset .


----------



## bravenewworld

Nice day so far.......5 mile hike in the AM up to a gorgeous overlook then gave myself a manicure with a glitter french tip. It actually turned out pretty decent, maybe I have a second career? 

Really wish I had a FWB but I want to keep working out and have time for more self reflection. Yesterday I got cat-called at, which would have been flattering if they didn't whistle at me like I was a dog. You know you are "hungry" when that gives you a lift. 

Do women ever cat-call at guys? Just curious. Maybe I'll start a trend.


----------



## Another Planet

Sucks WH but better then stringing them along


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> l felt so bad . She's a great girl , so much to offer with lots of deep hard to find qualities these days . But she's totally lost confidence in herself from the run she's had with ex and then a few of the guys she's met so far since.
> She's a catch and a 1/2 , it's just she wasn't for me that's all .
> l wish people could understand that things like this aren't a personal thing or some reflection on them , it's just an it's there or it isn't thing , it's not personal.
> It doesn't mean they didn't have this or weren't that , it's really nothing to do with stuff like that it's just natures way. We have it with whom ever we have it with and that's really as simple as that.
> 
> Sorry , just venting really , l feel as though l've set her back even further now.


How your ladyfriend deals with rejection is not your responsibility - it's something everyone has to learn to deal with at some point. What makes it really hurt is when the other person is unkind about it, which I'm sure you were not. The fact you have empathy for her feelings though is very admirable. 

One minor quibble, I do think it's personal - that's one of the reasons it hurts. But at the end of the day, who would want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't really want them? 

You did the right thing.


----------



## Another Planet

This ice bucket challenge...:/ smh...it does raise awareness but seems so shallow and egotistical


----------



## moxy

WH -- she will get over it
And because you did the decent thing by explaining instead of ghosting on her, she can learn how to re-evaluate her senses of connection to better suited partners. Sucks when it doesn't work out, but at least there's closure for you both.


----------



## whitehawk

Oh yeah she'll be right , it's not so much that.
l think it's a bit of a date site thing though bc l've never had to do the deed so often in all my life
Dates , coffees, phone and text and stuff with people you've never even seen yet you know, can't rely on pics.
So you might have lots of stuff and thoughts in common but as soon as it's in person, being around them . 
But you've been talking a lot before and things have grown artificially,no easy way like that.
Where as RL it's reverse and in the normal ways you wouldn't have even gotten anywhere near that point bc you naturally have sight and vibe before you even speak let alone go through all that. 
So no having to do the deed every 5mins.


----------



## poppyseed

If someone gets offended by saying you are not interested in her / him "that way", it's a sure sign that he / she's not right anyway, in a long run, to put it bluntly. If someone is so presumptuous from the beginning, then it would get much harder to handle someone like that, as time goes on. 

Good points made, WH. Thanks for sharing those! 

I think in an ideal world, I would like to have someone to care and feel close to without the commitments of 24/7 (not anything like FWB type arrangement) and have my own space to enjoy my singledom post-D. Best of both worlds. Is that selfish?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> l had to do the deed again last night , God l hate that [email protected]
> Just for anyone new because some asked last time , the "deed" is having to tell someone your not interested .
> 
> This was just someone l met 4 or 5 wks ago and we've kept in touch and still talk a fair bit.
> To me it was obviously just as friends or l'd be rushing her off wouldn't l ! We'd just ring anytime , talk about your day or crap or go for coffees just like you do with any friends.
> Turns out she was thinking it was a lot more and we were just easing along and we were made for each other.
> 
> l felt so bad . She's a great girl , so much to offer with lots of deep hard to find qualities these days . But she's totally lost confidence in herself from the run she's had with ex and then a few of the guys she's met so far since.
> She's a catch and a 1/2 , it's just she wasn't for me that's all .
> l wish people could understand that things like this aren't a personal thing or some reflection on them , it's just an it's there or it isn't thing , it's not personal.
> It doesn't mean they didn't have this or weren't that , it's really nothing to do with stuff like that it's just natures way. We have it with whom ever we have it with and that's really as simple as that.
> 
> Sorry , just venting really , l feel as though l've set her back even further now and she's been all upset .


If that's what she was thinking, you absolutely did the right thing. Why would she think that without some kind of clear communication about it...and after 4-5 weeks???? No way.


----------



## whitehawk

poppyseed said:


> If someone gets offended by saying you are not interested in her / him "that way", it's a sure sign that he / she's not right anyway, in a long run, to put it bluntly. If someone is so presumptuous from the beginning, then it would get much harder to handle someone like that, as time goes on.
> 
> Good points made, WH. Thanks for sharing those!
> 
> I think in an ideal world, I would like to have someone to care and feel close to without the commitments of 24/7 (not anything like FWB type arrangement) and have my own space to enjoy my singledom post-D. Best of both worlds. Is that selfish?


Haha nah , it's just your thing poppy . 
Tbh if l hooked up again l'd feel a bit like that myself to for at least a year or two l think.


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If that's what she was thinking, you absolutely did the right thing. Why would she think that without some kind of clear communication about it...and after 4-5 weeks???? No way.


l dunno hm , hope l don't lead people on in just enjoying the friendships , it's happened a few times .


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l felt so bad . She's a great girl , so much to offer with lots of deep hard to find qualities these days . But she's totally lost confidence in herself from the run she's had with ex and then a few of the guys she's met so far since.
> She's a catch and a 1/2 , it's just she wasn't for me that's all .
> l wish people could understand that things like this aren't a personal thing or some reflection on them , it's just an it's there or it isn't thing , it's not personal.
> It doesn't mean they didn't have this or weren't that , it's really nothing to do with stuff like that it's just natures way. We have it with whom ever we have it with and that's really as simple as that.
> 
> Sorry , just venting really , l feel as though l've set her back even further now and she's been all upset .


It isn't your fault at all. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own actions. 
It took a lot of self reflection on my part to realize that no other human being has the responsibility to make me happy. I have to make myself happy.

Last night with HS friends, it was wonderful yet strange. I felt so fake. I was laughing like a drunken idiot ( I did not drink any alcoholic beverages) for the majority of the time and making jokes with a friend. I soooo wanted to tell one of them about blue eyes but could not. I kept laughing because they kept bringing up things that would send remind me of having blue eyes and that would send me into fits of giggles...

It was nice and fun even though I felt fake...


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> This ice bucket challenge...:/ smh...it does raise awareness but seems so shallow and egotistical


My best friend's son has nominated me to do while I am in Dallas.
I have to do it, I just have no one to nominate!! 
Just waiting on my plane... delayed... no surprised there... it is LAX...


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> My best friend's son has nominated me to do while I am in Dallas.
> I have to do it, I just have no one to nominate!!
> Just waiting on my plane... delayed... no surprised there... it is LAX...


Me too that's why I said that yesterday. GF's brother nominated her so of course I am included. I don't mind though I am not doing it for attention or to follow the crowd. Doing it to do something fun with the GF.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Nice day so far.......5 mile hike in the AM up to a gorgeous overlook then gave myself a manicure with a glitter french tip. It actually turned out pretty decent, maybe I have a second career?
> 
> Really wish I had a FWB but I want to keep working out and have time for more self reflection. Yesterday I got cat-called at, which would have been flattering if they didn't whistle at me like I was a dog. You know you are "hungry" when that gives you a lift.
> 
> Do women ever cat-call at guys? Just curious. Maybe I'll start a trend.


Ugh, you gotta love street harassment... cat-calling/wolf whistles, while irritating, aren't threatening, generally. What's far worse is the men who leer at you, follow you into stores, and try to corner you or touch you.

Most men don't understand why I feel the need to carry pepper spray/mace with me all the time, because they don't see it happen when I'm with them. It doesn't happen when I'm with a man, explicitly because I'm with a man; it happens when I am alone, or with other women.

There's an interesting short French film, that depicts what it would look like if men were subjected to street harassment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4UWxlVvT1A

That being said, being objectified or cat-called/wolf-whistled by someone you're intimately involved with can be all kinds of hot...


----------



## FeministInPink

poppyseed said:


> If someone gets offended by saying you are not interested in her / him "that way", it's a sure sign that he / she's not right anyway, in a long run, to put it bluntly. If someone is so presumptuous from the beginning, then it would get much harder to handle someone like that, as time goes on.
> 
> Good points made, WH. Thanks for sharing those!
> 
> *I think in an ideal world, I would like to have someone to care and feel close to without the commitments of 24/7 (not anything like FWB type arrangement) and have my own space to enjoy my singledom post-D. Best of both worlds. Is that selfish?*


That sounds pretty healthy and balanced, actually. A healthy relationship is a solid balance of independence and co-dependence (yes, *some* co-dependence is OK).


----------



## Garry2012

FeministInPink said:


> Most men don't understand why I feel the need to carry pepper spray/mace with me all the time, because they don't see it happen when I'm with them. It doesn't happen when I'm with a man, explicitly because I'm with a man; it happens when I am alone, or with other women.
> ...


I dont think women do it....but I remember walking with a woman once (yes she was dressed for attn)...and just the eye attn she got was weird to me..so after that...i can more understand.


----------



## TooNice

Another Planet said:


> 10 Amazing Things that Will Happen When You Learn to Enjoy Being Alone | Earth. We are one.
> 
> A good reminder being single isn't so bad


Thanks so much for sharing this. I'm in the car halfway through the six hour drive to deliver my baby boy to college. When stbx and I return, I'll start moving things into my new place. Gives the whole "empty nest" thing a whole new meaning. Reading this was perfect timing. I bookmarked it, and will reread as needed. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Ugh, you gotta love street harassment... cat-calling/wolf whistles, while irritating, aren't threatening, generally. What's far worse is the men who leer at you, follow you into stores, and try to corner you or touch you.
> 
> Most men don't understand why I feel the need to carry pepper spray/mace with me all the time, because they don't see it happen when I'm with them. It doesn't happen when I'm with a man, explicitly because I'm with a man; it happens when I am alone, or with other women.
> 
> There's an interesting short French film, that depicts what it would look like if men were subjected to street harassment:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4UWxlVvT1A
> 
> That being said, being objectified or cat-called/wolf-whistled by someone you're intimately involved with can be all kinds of hot...


Yeah men can be slobbering dogs sometimes. I have never been interested in acting that way. 
I've said it before but a woman will give me her attention because she wants to and yes this all relates, to me anyway in my head, same as sending dic pics or asking for nudes...I could care less about being pushy about things, I would rather make her be pushy for me 

Actually experienced that today, some gross old smelly man was in the bank the same time as me and the first thing he says to the tellers was that they turned him on so much the last time so he had to come back to see them again. I think he said "turned on" about 20 times. Disgusting 

And that video is funny but sad at the same time. The reason why half that stuff doesn't happen to men is because they would be all about it in the first place. Non the less it should not happen to women, no one deserves to be oppressed, belittled, or have something unwanted be forced onto them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Yeah men can be slobbering dogs sometimes. I have never been interested in acting that way.
> I've said it before but a woman will give me her attention because she wants to and yes this all relates, to me anyway in my head, same as sending dic pics or asking for nudes...I could care less about being pushy about things, I would rather make her be pushy for me
> 
> Actually experienced that today, some gross old smelly man was in the bank the same time as me and the first thing he says to the tellers was that they turned him on so much the last time so he had to come back to see them again. I think he said "turned on" about 20 times. Disgusting


Luckily, most men DON'T act like slobbering neanderthals! And those that DON'T are the ones that get the action. 



Another Planet said:


> And that video is funny but sad at the same time. *The reason why half that stuff doesn't happen to men is because they would be all about it in the first place.* Non the less it should not happen to women, no one deserves to be oppressed, belittled, or have something unwanted be forced onto them.


I wonder if this is the reason why some men don't understand why sexual harassment is unwelcome and wrong? They assume that because they would welcome this kind of attention, that women should welcome it as well?


----------



## moxy

poppyseed said:


> I think in an ideal world, I would like to have someone to care and feel close to without the commitments of 24/7 (not anything like FWB type arrangement) and have my own space to enjoy my singledom post-D. Best of both worlds. Is that selfish?


I agree!! Boyfriend/Girlfriend is much better than f*** buddy. FWB can be anything between FB to BF/GF, in my opinion, depending on the people involved and what they want out of it. The label depends on how you define it. Marriage seems like too much togetherness and responsibility after a divorce, but just having someone to bang without any other connection involved seems like too little; the in-between range is better.


----------



## Another Planet

Sooooooooooo for the ones that know and remember my story I kind of ran into my eXwifes ex BFF and husband at the grocery store the other day. It brought back a lot of bad memories...ALOT of bad feelings...instant anxiety attack.
Now because of that I am having a difficult time with reconsidering being with someone...sucks...I don't want to feel the way my eXwife made me feel so badly that I don't want to be involved with anyone because I am terrified of it happening again.

I am hoping this will just be a fleeting thought.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Sooooooooooo for the ones that know and remember my story I kind of ran into my eXwifes ex BFF and husband at the grocery store the other day. It brought back a lot of bad memories...ALOT of bad feelings...instant anxiety attack.
> Now because of that I am having a difficult time with reconsidering being with someone...sucks...I don't want to feel the way my eXwife made me feel so badly that I don't want to be involved with anyone because I am terrified of it happening again.
> 
> I am hoping this will just be a fleeting thought.


AP you are just triggering...it will pass...happens to all of us

Dont do anything rash...accept the feeling, take note of it, and let it pass...like water off of a ducks back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Yeah I know and I am trying. What I have learned from this new relationship and practicing boundaries and knowing what I want is I can think I have control over how I feel but letting go of pushing **** you don't want into the pit of your stomach has created some uncontrollable monster that goes with the flow and says "fvck it, what's the point" and readjusts his mindset.


----------



## unsure78

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I know and I am trying. What I have learned from this new relationship and practicing boundaries and knowing what I want is I can think I have control over how I feel but letting go of pushing **** you don't want into the pit of your stomach has created some uncontrollable monster that goes with the flow and says "fvck it, what's the point" and readjusts his mindset.


AP you have done really well in the last year... from where you started out at last year in this thread to now are like night and day...you should be proud of this, don't let this one time thing overcome you...you have a solid relationship with your gf...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

What up ya'll.

Anyone up?


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> AP you have done really well in the last year... from where you started out at last year in this thread to now are like night and day...you should be proud of this, don't let this one time thing overcome you...you have a solid relationship with your gf...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks Unsure  yeah I am a completely different person no doubt about that one. Luckily the moment has passed and I am not feeling that way anymore...for now anyway, you guys know how those damn triggers can pop up out of nowhere


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> What up ya'll.
> 
> Anyone up?


/Nsweet!
I will see you tomorrow 

It is soo freaking hot in Dallas, and for the first time in my life, I have jetlag....
I feel awful, feel as if I am hung over, feel sick to my stomach, feel dehydrated, it is awful and oh so strange. Never have I felt jetlag before. I am a crybaby, big time.


----------



## COGypsy

Two-hour time changes are the worst! I have to fly out to Baltimore for a meeting in a couple of weeks and I'm already dreading the time change! It kills me everytime!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> /Nsweet!
> I will see you tomorrow
> 
> It is soo freaking hot in Dallas, and for the first time in my life, I have jetlag....
> I feel awful, feel as if I am hung over, feel sick to my stomach, feel dehydrated, it is awful and oh so strange. Never have I felt jetlag before. I am a crybaby, big time.


Go to the nearest pharmacy or grocery and get some Pedialyte. Drink up. Gatorade is a close second, but Pedialyte is best. Add some ice to it. I don't think you will need anything for your stomach, I advise against it because most things you take for your stomach require you to drink even more fluids...

You'll probably feel fine within 5 hours time.
Find a nice air conditioned spot and chill out for a bit.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> 10 Amazing Things that Will Happen When You Learn to Enjoy Being Alone | Earth. We are one.
> 
> A good reminder being single isn't so bad


We are born single. So it's not a case of "not so bad" as just one of the many options that are available to us in the course of one lifetime. I think we should enjoy all states of being when they occur unless they violate human rights of one kind or another.

Being single...enjoy it while you can. Not just the dating part; the parts where you don't answer to anyone but yourself. Once you truly learn how to care for yourself it's much easier to learn to communicate to a partner how to care for you, which things you really value from someone else, and which things you can/should take care of on your own. And, the icing on the cake part


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> /Nsweet!
> I will see you tomorrow
> 
> It is soo freaking hot in Dallas, and for the first time in my life, I have jetlag....
> I feel awful, feel as if I am hung over, feel sick to my stomach, feel dehydrated, it is awful and oh so strange. Never have I felt jetlag before. I am a crybaby, big time.


You're telling me. I just have to run to catch a train and do a lot of walking to work in a wool suit in this weather.... And it's been over 100 degrees lately. I have to drink a lot of water.

You're spot on about the jetlag. That recycled air on the planes along with all the stress from flying will dry you out. Changing two times zones doesn't help with fatigue either. Drink a lot of water and get a lot of rest, more than you think you'll need.

And you're so not a crybaby.:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> 10 Amazing Things that Will Happen When You Learn to Enjoy Being Alone | Earth. We are one.
> 
> A good reminder being single isn't so bad


Aye, tis the best! Especially with a girl on the side:

- You answer to NO ONE! You do whatever the fk YOU want!
- You get sex whenever you want without the BS!
- Your finances are secure! Costs you nothing! No threats!
- You are spared heartaches and given all the pleasures!

Besides I don't think being single means being alone! Why the fk does that article say that? Pffft! 

Single means not being tied down anymore! And that's it!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Aye, tis the best! Especially with a girl on the side:
> 
> - You answer to NO ONE! You do whatever the fk YOU want!
> - You get sex whenever you want without the BS!
> - Your finances are secure! Costs you nothing! No threats!
> - You are spared heartaches and given all the pleasures!
> 
> Besides I don't think being single means being alone! Why the fk does that article say that? Pffft!
> 
> Single means not being tied down anymore! And that's it!


Not so fast hombre. You still have to deal with yourself and your own demands and specific needs. In short, you have to answer to yourself, and what's worse, you fully understand and realize that the consequences of blowing yourself off are going to be fully realized. i.e. you still have to manage your FB scenarios. 

Besides which, we will never be truly free when we are parents of young children. Especially ones that know their minds.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Well I consider parenthood more of a privilege then a responsibility, but maybe that's cause I only have one child to spoil silly every weekend! 

But that's another joy I have - FWB knows my weekends are for my daughter and doesn't whine! Dates consider it "baggage" but my FWB doesn't care - in fact she thinks my daughter's cute, but never has she met her in person.


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Besides I don't think being single means being alone! Why the fk does that article say that? Pffft!
> 
> Single means not being tied down anymore! And that's it!


Maybe the appropriate word is "lonely" instead of "alone." 

"Being single does not mean being 'lonely.'"


----------



## whitehawk

People on this whole date site thing are just too damn weird sometimes.

This will sound ridiculous , as in like , how could l not have realized but. l was talking to this chick for a few days and she said a few times how much she enjoyed talking to me and stuff and invited me down for coffee . l wasn't too fussed just yet as l've got something else on the go and l've been talking to others to but she just popped up meantime and we've wound up talking a bit anyway.

Anyway a few days ago l realized hang on , which one is she again, took another look and then realized [email protected], l haven't even seen a photo of her yet , there's no pics on her page.
l even have a line on mine saying l'm not interested in meeting anyone that doesn't have recent pics.

So l say hey you realize l haven't even seen your pic yet, could you send me some or put some up on your page please and how tall are you to btw , it doesn't say.

Nothing , 4 days and she's disappeared. l'm not ringing her .

So what she expects me to drive an hour 30 down the coast to hook up for coffee and for us to talk for days on end but to not even know wtf she looks like , and what so now l'm scum bc l'm too shallow to talk or meet with her without seeing her first, l mean wtf 

l know some people thankfully are doing really well from their site but this [email protected] is just too weird for me sometimes !


----------



## bravenewworld

So I got back from the game, had an awesome time, and NO George in site! I did have to pass his seats to get to the beer stand, but they were empty. Yes! Although I won't lie - part of me of me kind of wished he was there because I was looking mighty cute! 

Another weird thing happened, a mutual acquaintance saw me walking around the stadium and sent me a flirty text that he wants to take me out to a game. I wrote back: "Sure. When?" and of course there was no reply. 

I gotta say - I don't understand the opposite sex. Like, at all. :scratchhead:


----------



## moxy

I went to an awesome party tonight. By about midnight, everybody was a bit crazy. The ice bucket challenge ensued. All the men nominated the women (who were wearing party dresses) to complete the challenge AND donate money. Of course, the men also mostly disrobed and participated first to give us all a show. My, how many variations of this challenge exist. All in the name of charity...but we did have a nice time and hopped in the pool afterward to continue the party until almost 3am. Everyone else there was married. I think I was the only single person! I had fun anyway, but, it made me think of Guy and wish we had the kind of thing in which I could've taken him to this awesome party. Alas, that's not usually our game and he's working out if town anyway. The only crummy thing about tonight is an empty bed; the rest rocked. Hurrah for end of summer bashes.


----------



## Another Planet

Revolutionary Road is not a good movie for damaged people to watch...:/
I guess by the end I was just thouroghly reminded of what you can survive through. How perfect everything can seem but in reality behind closed doors its just a heaping pile of steamy lies and bullship. Uggh...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Revolutionary Road is not a good movie for damaged people to watch...:/
> I guess by the end I was just thouroghly reminded of what you can survive through. How perfect everything can seem but in reality behind closed doors its just a heaping pile of steamy lies and bullship. Uggh...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ugh, I am sorry AP. We try very hard to be strong all the time, then something happen s which brings down our defenses and we realize we are still a work in progres.
I went to church today, sermon was about new chapters in life, new beginnings. I cried. It was emotional. I have been so very strong, but I.still get sad sometimes.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I cried. It was emotional. I have been so very strong, but I.still get sad sometimes.


Congratulations. You are still human. (In a world that wants you to be a robot that buys ****.)


----------



## Arendt

Guatemalan is off in Kentucky for an Iron Man race (her brother is doing it). I've been home most of the weekend besides some volunteer work. 

Things going well with her. I stayed at her house the other night (she has joint custody of her kids which gives her free nights...otherwise I'm not sure I'd be down with dating her). Starting to settle into a routine of sorts. Tuesday nights at her place, Friday or Saturday in the city and she stays at mine. She likes to text and chat in between. That is enough for me.

She's not vegan, but has been rally open minded about it. She's a health nut so veganism appeals to her on that level which is good (vegan diet is good for you btw!). 

I've been hitting the gym 6 days a week lifting, and running once a week with her and riding bike once with some male friends, after which we hang out and have fun.

My university offers free counseling services to students so this week I plan to make an appointment to help me process life here, my career path (I'm an academic but who knows if that will work out...), and this whole dating/relationship thing post divorce. I said that I would do that if I dated, and I think it is a good idea. Assuming of course I can get a counselor there that I feel comfortable talking to and such. 

I know about 6 different languages and used to speak Spanish pretty fluently...but that was 14 years ago since I used it regularly, so I have been brushing up a little each day on that. Probably good for the career path as well. And the motivation of a woman...well...I'll be fluent by December


----------



## ne9907

We had a great time yesterday, my friend thinks Nsweet is great!
Now, she is napping, I am wide awake re reading "the alchemist" with her youngest. Really great Sunday afternoon


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Ugh, I am sorry AP. We try very hard to be strong all the time, then something happen s which brings down our defenses and we realize we are still a work in progres.
> I went to church today, sermon was about new chapters in life, new beginnings. I cried. It was emotional. I have been so very strong, but I.still get sad sometimes.


Yeah it was a pretty shiatty reminder of how it can be. Watch the movie, I was just shaking my head the whole time cause some people think that is just fantasy...nope I lived it I know its real, lies and betrayal, living a fake shell of a life for so long, being with someone and neither of you even liked one another...if it wasn't my marriage it was a woman I was having some form of affair with or it was my wife having the affair and just hating me soooo much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Ugh, I am sorry AP. We try very hard to be strong all the time, then something happen s which brings down our defenses and we realize we are still a work in progres.
> I went to church today, sermon was about new chapters in life, new beginnings. I cried. It was emotional. I have been so very strong, but I.still get sad sometimes.


I'm sorry it was sad and emotional, but I'm glad you had that to speak to you. 

I've had many people comment over the past several weeks at how well I am doing and how strong I am. Now it's getting real, and my strength is being tested. I feel like I am barely hanging on. I posted about it last night, and don't have the energy to do it again, so: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-.../176729-my-journal-making-about-me-now-6.html

I'm actually at work by myself right now, falling into tears every hour or so. I realize that I am going to have to talk to my boss tomorrow and ask for help. I've done this part of the year on my own the past two years, working nearly every waking moment of the next 2-3 weeks. I accept it as my responsibility, but I honestly think it may break me to try to do it alone this year. 

I'll take any good thoughts, prayers, warm fuzzy feelings...whatever you all feel inclined to throw my way right now. A rope to keep me from drowning might be nice, too.


----------



## whitehawk

whitehawk said:


> People on this whole date site thing are just too damn weird sometimes.
> 
> This will sound ridiculous , as in like , how could l not have realized but. l was talking to this chick for a few days and she said a few times how much she enjoyed talking to me and stuff and invited me down for coffee . l wasn't too fussed just yet as l've got something else on the go and l've been talking to others to but she just popped up meantime and we've wound up talking a bit anyway.
> 
> Anyway a few days ago l realized hang on , which one is she again, took another look and then realized [email protected], l haven't even seen a photo of her yet , there's no pics on her page.
> l even have a line on mine saying l'm not interested in meeting anyone that doesn't have recent pics.
> 
> So l say hey you realize l haven't even seen your pic yet, could you send me some or put some up on your page please and how tall are you to btw , it doesn't say.
> 
> Nothing , 4 days and she's disappeared. l'm not ringing her .
> 
> So what she expects me to drive an hour 30 down the coast to hook up for coffee and for us to talk for days on end but to not even know wtf she looks like , and what so now l'm scum bc l'm too shallow to talk or meet with her without seeing her first, l mean wtf
> 
> l know some people thankfully are doing really well from their site but this [email protected] is just too weird for me sometimes !


Check this out. She's removed me from her contacts . One minute she's inviting me down for coffee and telling me how much she
loves us talking, l ask her for a picture,she disappears for 4 days and then
removes me from her contacts.
WTF !!!!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_

are people out there just fkg mad, or what


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Ugh, I am sorry AP. We try very hard to be strong all the time, then something happen s which brings down our defenses and we realize we are still a work in progres.
> I went to church today, sermon was about new chapters in life, new beginnings. I cried. It was emotional. I have been so very strong, but I.still get sad sometimes.


same ne. So many times l think l.m done, l.m ok now , and so many times one 
Just one thing sends me down and into
a deep tail spin again.
this date site stuff doesn.t
help, l thought it would thats why l joined bbut the crazy side of it just makes
you feel like your going mad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Check this out. She's removed me from her contacts . One minute she's inviting me down for coffee and telling me how much she
> loves us talking, l ask her for a picture,she disappears for 4 days and then
> removes me from her contacts.
> WTF !!!!!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> are people out there just fkg mad, or what


Wow, thats crazy! You dodged a bullet with this one!


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Check this out. She's removed me from her contacts . One minute she's inviting me down for coffee and telling me how much she
> loves us talking, l ask her for a picture,she disappears for 4 days and then
> removes me from her contacts.
> WTF !!!!!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> are people out there just fkg mad, or what


She's a psycho brother. Move on. 

Next applicant.....


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian and I had a huge fight today. Once again she stepped over some of my boundaries. This is the first time we've fought since we got back together. I'm desperately trying to keep my sobriety intact, and she calls me last night and has me come pick her up at a nightclub around 1:30 a.m. I didn't mind coming to get her...it's when she asked me to drive her two girlfriends home that I got pissed off. 

There they all are in my truck, stinking of alcohol ( huge trigger for a recovering alcoholic like me) and blabbing inane bullsh!t about their boyfriends (who of course they ditched to come out on their GNO) and complaining and crap. Then Syrian said something to them about me, and I find myself in a four way shouting match with three drunk women all ganging up on me....while I'm spending my time and gas money to haul their sorry drunk asses home. 

I took Syrian back to her place after dropping off he other two and I just helped her to the front door. I didn't go inside with her. I didn't say anything and just left. So she texts me five minutes later asking me what was wrong and I ignored her. She texted me two more times before she must have passed out. 

Anyway she called me at 9:00 a.m. this morning all pissed off because I didn't stay the night with her. 

I'm like. "You're kidding...right? Seriously....you're kidding aren't you?" Then I laid into her how I didn't appreciate being attacked by her and her b!tch friends when I was doing them a favor saving them taxi fare. I told her to get someone else to drive her to the nightclub to get her car. She hung up and we haven't spoken since. 

I'm getting to old and impatient for this sh!t.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Damn Bandit, sorry that went down.  Pretty ballsy of her to say something about you like that, what did she say? Then to be surprised you didnt stay? Just dumb.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian and I had a huge fight today. Once again she stepped over some of my boundaries. This is the first time we've fought since we got back together. I'm desperately trying to keep my sobriety intact, and she calls me last night and has me come pick her up at a nightclub around 1:30 a.m. I didn't mind coming to get her...it's when she asked me to drive her two girlfriends home that I got pissed off.
> 
> There they all are in my truck, stinking of alcohol ( huge trigger for a recovering alcoholic like me) and blabbing inane bullsh!t about their boyfriends (who of course they ditched to come out on their GNO) and complaining and crap. Then Syrian said something to them about me, and I find myself in a four way shouting match with three drunk women all ganging up on me....while I'm spending my time and gas money to haul their sorry drunk asses home.
> 
> I took Syrian back to her place after dropping off he other two and I just helped her to the front door. I didn't go inside with her. I didn't say anything and just left. So she texts me five minutes later asking me what was wrong and I ignored her. She texted me two more times before she must have passed out.
> 
> Anyway she called me at 9:00 a.m. this morning all pissed off because I didn't stay the night with her.
> 
> I'm like. "You're kidding...right? Seriously....you're kidding aren't you?" Then I laid into her how I didn't appreciate being attacked by her and her b!tch friends when I was doing them a favor saving them taxi fare. I told her to get someone else to drive her to the nightclub to get her car. She hung up and we haven't spoken since.
> 
> I'm getting to old and impatient for this sh!t.


This sounds like a deal breaker. I think you are playing with fire if you are sincere about looking out for yourself. You know, there are women out there that you could be compatible with who would never even dream of going to a nightclub on a GNO to get hammered, and then there are those who make a plan beforehand for their transportation, and then there are those who like to play a game of control and bait by doing what she did, making the conscious decision one drink at a time to do so. If she doesn't get it by now she's never going to get it. She does not have your back, and is not partner material. You cannot train a person in the art of having their partner's back. What she did was selfish and not in the spirit of partnership.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Damn Bandit, sorry that went down.  Pretty ballsy of her to say something about you like that, what did she say? Then to be surprised you didnt stay? Just dumb.


She complained that I didn't spend enough on her, which I think she was saying mostly in jest so it didn't bother me ( she was wearing an $800 tennis bracelet I bought her at the time so how could she?). Well her girlfriend Pam, a chick I despise, thought she was being serious and said I was a cheapskate like her boyfriend. Well, I lost it a little. That's when it started.


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian and I had a huge fight today. Once again she stepped over some of my boundaries. This is the first time we've fought since we got back together. I'm desperately trying to keep my sobriety intact, and she calls me last night and has me come pick her up at a nightclub around 1:30 a.m. I didn't mind coming to get her...it's when she asked me to drive her two girlfriends home that I got pissed off.
> 
> There they all are in my truck, stinking of alcohol ( huge trigger for a recovering alcoholic like me) and blabbing inane bullsh!t about their boyfriends (who of course they ditched to come out on their GNO) and complaining and crap. Then Syrian said something to them about me, and I find myself in a four way shouting match with three drunk women all ganging up on me....while I'm spending my time and gas money to haul their sorry drunk asses home.
> 
> I took Syrian back to her place after dropping off he other two and I just helped her to the front door. I didn't go inside with her. I didn't say anything and just left. So she texts me five minutes later asking me what was wrong and I ignored her. She texted me two more times before she must have passed out.
> 
> Anyway she called me at 9:00 a.m. this morning all pissed off because I didn't stay the night with her.
> 
> I'm like. "You're kidding...right? Seriously....you're kidding aren't you?" Then I laid into her how I didn't appreciate being attacked by her and her b!tch friends when I was doing them a favor saving them taxi fare. I told her to get someone else to drive her to the nightclub to get her car. She hung up and we haven't spoken since.
> 
> I'm getting to old and impatient for this sh!t.


Whao bro...

You should be applauded though, you still drove them home. Personally I would have just left them on the street if they didn't stop their *****ing, but I have a bad temper like that. I don't take that kind of sh-t when I'm doing someone a favor, it triggers me.



bandit.45 said:


> She complained that I didn't spend enough on her, which I think she was saying mostly in jest so it didn't bother me ( she was wearing an $800 tennis bracelet I bought her at the time so how could she?). Well her girlfriend Pam, a chick I despise, thought she was being serious and said I was a cheapskate like her boyfriend. Well, I lost it a little. That's when it started.


Well, there's $800 down the drain... bah!

Sheez, you spend so much on just a date?


----------



## bandit.45

No I've been going steady with her for a couple months now. We broke up for a while but had gone out about three months before that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Argh... reminds me really how expensive girlfriends can really be, the cheapskate that I am!

Another problem with letting a woman know your finances, it lets her gauge how much you mean to her by calculating how much you spend on her compared to your wealth. If she had no idea of your wealth you think she would be calling you cheap?


----------



## moxy

Bandit, that really sucks. Perhaps she doesn't understand what a big deal that was for you and why those behaviors are troublesome for you. Sure, it makes sense to show her that she dissed you, that you're displeased, but before jumping into being too old for it, why not explain to her why YOU are mad at her, why HER actions were unacceptable, why in the face of her over the top behavior, her disappointment (about not hooking up) were way smaller an issue than your justified anger. It could be an opportunity to improve communication. She sounds like she just doesn't understand that her behavior was out if line and not at all cute. It's less an issue of age, but more of...awareness. It seems fixable. If she knows what gets to you, she can avoid inviting it in. If you have spoken to her about boundaries, next time, when she drunk dials you, you can call her a cab and ask her to txt you to say that she is home safe and you'll have made your stance clear so she won't have ground to stand upon while complaining.


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This sounds like a deal breaker. I think you are playing with fire if you are sincere about looking out for yourself. You know, there are women out there that you could be compatible with who would never even dream of going to a nightclub on a GNO to get hammered, and then there are those who make a plan beforehand for their transportation, and then there are those who like to play a game of control and bait by doing what she did, making the conscious decision one drink at a time to do so. If she doesn't get it by now she's never going to get it. She does not have your back, and is not partner material. You cannot train a person in the art of having their partner's back. What she did was selfish and not in the spirit of partnership.



Definitely selfish and stupid, but her behavior is probably not malicious or calculated. It seems a bit hasty to say that she's not partner material and to write her off without making an effort to communicate first, IMO. She screwed up. Yeah. But, not every mistake is the final nail in the coffin, IMO. Most of the tune, she had shown affection and perseverance, so..,why not give her a chance to fix her mistake?


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Argh... reminds me really how expensive girlfriends can really be, the cheapskate that I am!
> 
> 
> 
> Another problem with letting a woman know your finances, it lets her gauge how much you mean to her by calculating how much you spend on her compared to your wealth. If she had no idea of your wealth you think she would be calling you cheap?



Not all girlfriends are gold-diggers. Not all women are, either. 

Most women want to feel important to their partners. If her love language is words, saying big things matters. If her language is gifts, then presents matter. If it's touch, she'll be all about the sex. Those things are worth keeping in mind.

That being said, Syrian's friends seem unpleasant.


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Argh... reminds me really how expensive girlfriends can really be, the cheapskate that I am!


For the record you men can be pricey too, I think every woman has come across a gimme guy at some point. 

I once went to lunch with a guy who lectured me that he doesn't pay for women's drinks to "empower" them then ordered a top shelf drink/lunch while I had a glass of wine. He then expected to split the bill down the middle. Unfortunately I had run out of vouchers for lunch subsidies. 

Ooo another one was the guy who asked me to order us event tickets then kept "forgetting" to reimburse me for his ticket despite being reminded. Often. 



whitehawk said:


> Check this out. She's removed me from her contacts . One minute she's inviting me down for coffee and telling me how much she
> loves us talking, l ask her for a picture,she disappears for 4 days and then
> removes me from her contacts.
> WTF !!!!!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> are people out there just fkg mad, or what


People are so strange, I have given up trying to understand them. I was also recently asked out, then dismissed when I replied yes. Why do they go through all that effort just to have some weird contact drop-off/freak out? I want to squeeze their shoulder, look them in the eye, and say "Seriously, it's not that big a deal." 



TooNice said:


> I'll take any good thoughts, prayers, warm fuzzy feelings...whatever you all feel inclined to throw my way right now. A rope to keep me from drowning might be nice, too.


Good thoughts, prayers, and a warm fuzzy swap meet blanket (those are my fav) to wrap yourself in sent. Oh and an ice cream sandwich or some hot tub/wine time.


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian and I had a huge fight today. Once again she stepped over some of my boundaries. This is the first time we've fought since we got back together. I'm desperately trying to keep my sobriety intact, and she calls me last night and has me come pick her up at a nightclub around 1:30 a.m. I didn't mind coming to get her...it's when she asked me to drive her two girlfriends home that I got pissed off.
> 
> I'm getting to old and impatient for this sh!t.


If my SO called me for that, I'd be like "You know there's this thing called Uber, right?" Then I'd roll over and go back to sleep. 

Hard to believe I'm single! :rofl:


----------



## Nsweet

Bandit, that woman is going to drive you mad if she doesn't drive you to drink again.


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Argh... reminds me really how expensive girlfriends can really be, the cheapskate that I am!
> 
> Another problem with letting a woman know your finances, it lets her gauge how much you mean to her by calculating how much you spend on her compared to your wealth. If she had no idea of your wealth you think she would be calling you cheap?


Good girlfriends aren't expensive. Damsels-in-distress are expensive.

A good girlfriend tends to not want you to take care of her.... She already had a daddy, she doesn't want another one.:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

@bravenewworld

I don't consider those types men at all!

@nsweet

Ey? not within my age group

@moxy

I wasn't commenting on the giving itself, more rather the material expectations based on my finances, now I'm a cheapskate
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude, you're not much older than me.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I thought was younger no?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

anyways I just find it annoying how years ago a woman would go "omg I mean so much to you" to... "pfft cheapskate" over a similarly priced present nowadays
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Ey? I thought was younger no?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. 

I'm the baby around here.


RandomDude said:


> anyways I just find it annoying how years ago a woman would go "omg I mean so much to you" to... "pfft cheapskate" over a similarly priced present nowadays
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's because years ago you were in your late teens to early twenties and never put up this this kind of crap, and those women knew it. They were on their best behavior and trying harder. 

Now you're trying to impress them and you're letting them step all over your boundaries instead of going "Ok, she's acting like a spoiled brat.... We're through, NEXT!" Do you think a woman who acts like this is going to get any better with time?


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Since when do I take any of this sh-t? When I was younger I wasn't nearly as financially capable as today, so any gift from me was cherished by the women I took out.

But since nowadays once they know what I have they expect more - so thus I subject them to the anti-materialism test! Which also helps prevent being called cheapskate when they have absolutely no idea how much I have


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Since when do I take any of this sh-t? When I was younger I wasn't nearly as financially capable as today, so any gift from me was cherished by the women I took out.
> 
> But since nowadays once they know what I have they expect more - so thus I subject them to the anti-materialism test! Which also helps prevent being called cheapskate when they have absolutely no idea how much I have


Let me see if I can put that better. "When I was younger I didn't have much money so the gifts I gave were more from the heart. But now I'm going after types that want men with money and it never ceases to amaze me how spoiled they act when I give them anything."

You have to wonder about the type of women you're going after if they all seem to act the same way. Just look at the type of bait you're using.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead: the fk?

I don't see how keeping my finances discreet = baiting gold-diggers to me. What are you on about?


----------



## Nsweet

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead: the fk?
> 
> I don't see how keeping my finances discreet = baiting gold-diggers to me. What are you on about?


That's not even where I'm getting at.

There is something about these women, a certain type whether they be really good looking or have a certain personality, that attracts you to them. 

To give you an example, if you're the type that likes to go after women who are only concerned with their pretty looks and who only talk about themselves.... You're casting for gold diggers whether you know it or not. 

There is also something in you that these women see that is attracting them to you. If you set aside your personal boundaries and overlook a lot of characteristics that you don't like just to be with these women and have sex, and keep dating to them like you would if you were still highly interested, you're letting them bait you..... And this one won't make a lot of sense at first, but if you keep overlooking a lot of red flags sooner or later you're going to fall in love with what you want to see instead of what really is.


----------



## poppyseed

bandit.45 said:


> I'm getting to old and impatient for this sh!t.


:rofl: Seriously, aren't we all?


----------



## RandomDude

The dates that I had recently weren't anywhere near the type of women you speak of; they were all pretty sure (which is subjective btw) but none of them were up themselves so to speak, I can't even stand them enough to have them as FWBs! So FWB isn't one of those either.

Now in regards to my dates one decent one had a reasonable excuse; can't get over that I'm not yet divorced (though she probably didn't like my "no career, no degree talk" either but didn't want to admit it hehe), the other one (most recent) was simply too young (20) and can't get over my daughter.

Sure I managed to avoid one who ended it because "she wants someone more established" lol - in which she obviously didn't pass my little test.

So I don't see how I've been attracting gold diggers not to mention they were all rather normal, including FWB, whose priorities were Physical -> Financial -> Emotional which is fine as a FWB, and relatively normal (in this city anyway, and it's accepted). 

I just happen to have had an ex who was with me when I wasn't established at all. Hence it's hard for most women here in rat race city to compare. Besides I don't "cast for women", I see what I like, and go for it.

Just because they're pretty doesn't mean they are materialistic. And no way am I going to get involved with someone who doesn't appeal to me physically if that's what you're suggesting.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> For the record you men can be pricey too, I think every woman has come across a gimme guy at some point.
> 
> I once went to lunch with a guy who lectured me that he doesn't pay for women's drinks to "empower" them then ordered a top shelf drink/lunch while I had a glass of wine. He then expected to split the bill down the middle. Unfortunately I had run out of vouchers for lunch subsidies.
> 
> Ooo another one was the guy who asked me to order us event tickets then kept "forgetting" to reimburse me for his ticket despite being reminded. Often.
> 
> 
> 
> People are so strange, I have given up trying to understand them. I was also recently asked out, then dismissed when I replied yes. Why do they go through all that effort just to have some weird contact drop-off/freak out? I want to squeeze their shoulder, look them in the eye, and say "Seriously, it's not that big a deal."
> 
> 
> Yep, I honestly have no idea what some of these people are doing, I mean she asked me 3 times to come down for coffee and I said to yeah I'm really looking forward to it. There was no bs with us at all b4 this . Just don't get it.


----------



## RandomDude

Besides I don't go out looking for a FWB or a date at a time, once I meet someone I gauge whether she would be better as an friend, FWB or a potential gf, and this depends on several factors:

- Attraction level
- Personality type
- Priorities

Friend can be anyone, FWB needs solid attraction level and incompatible personality and/or priorities (like current FWB though her personality's fine otherwise should would just be a FB), potentials needs all three to be compatible.

It just so happens I keep things under wraps with my potentials in terms of finances so I can see whether they are like the majority or not. Most men here just accept it, I just don't.

The way I see it, if a woman can't love me for who I was years ago when I was younger, I doubt she can continue to love me in case my business goes to hell and I end up broke overnight. Besides if anyone can replace my ex it has to be someone who has the same non-materialistic approach with dating.


----------



## Nsweet

Once again RandomDude, you missed my point and substituted your own.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> Definitely selfish and stupid, but her behavior is probably not malicious or calculated. It seems a bit hasty to say that she's not partner material and to write her off without making an effort to communicate first, IMO. She screwed up. Yeah. But, not every mistake is the final nail in the coffin, IMO. Most of the tune, she had shown affection and perseverance, so..,why not give her a chance to fix her mistake?


Sounds like the generally accepted standards of behavior and consideration for others are a lot lower than mine. I would probably run if I found out the person I was dating went out to bars and got so drunk that they needed to call for a ride home, and had not even planned for a designated driver. I don't do people who are erratic and logistically challenged. They're too disruptive to having a life that's actually fun. I wouldn't see any point in keeping that type of personality around. 

Dissing someone while they are doing you a favor, drunk or not, when they're present...argh. If you do things like that when you're drunk, maybe you shouldn't drink. 

Disruptive Personality = Fail. 

I don't think it's necessary to rehab people and to help them deal with their mistakes in order to salvage a relationship. The person should be able to deal with their own mistakes and show effort in being in the relationship. OP let her know the mistake and she's just all defensive about it. Instead of listening to him. That's the biggest fail. He is trying to communicate with her about something important and she's just acting like he should get over it and f*ck her already. I also don't do people who use their physical attraction like that as a cure all band aid or to wield power over someone. It's wrongful use of biology, or something like that. A way of messing with someone psychologically using their basic drives, which once committed to someone, cannot be relieved elsewhere with someone who actually cares.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

WH, I bet that was a scammer you were talking to, in one way or another. 

Wouldn't give it much more thought than that.


----------



## poppyseed

RandomDude said:


> Besides if anyone can replace my ex it has to be someone who has the same non-materialistic approach with dating.


Your ex was a high class prostitute, yes? And you say she wasn't materialistic with men? :rofl: No offence but you have some selective thinking going on.


----------



## Jellybeans

I spent the last couple days soaking up the sun in Miami. It was so lovely. So lovely. So many beautiful men.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> I spent the last couple days soaking up the sun in Miami. It was so lovely. So lovely. So many beautiful men.


Missed you by a week...and yes many nice things to look at 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Not all girlfriends are gold-diggers. Not all women are, either.
> 
> .


I want a sugar daddy


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> I want a sugar daddy


Why? You're just going to play with him for five minutes and then forget about him.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Why? You're just going to play with him for five minutes and then forget about him.


That's the point! 
I want all luxuries he can give me and I will not give him anything in return. Maybe pity sex. Once in a blue moon. The oldest he may be, the better!

However, if said sugar daddy looked like Chris Pine, then he can have me all the time!


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> Once again RandomDude, you missed my point and substituted your own.


I got where you're coming from but found it inaccurate for my circumstances, in which I have explained and still awaiting your rebuttal.



poppyseed said:


> Your ex was a high class prostitute, yes? And you say she wasn't materialistic with men? :rofl: No offence but you have some selective thinking going on.


She was BEFORE I met her, and I didn't care what she did with men in her youth. Unlike others I'm not one to judge based on the past.

Besides when I first met her I was an ex-crim entering the legal workforce, what materialistic gain could I had possibly given her?
Still, none of that matter to her except for my company. 

When I met her she was already a reformed woman just as I was a reformed man, though I underestimated her nymphomania once we got married. Regardless we met each other at the right stage of our lives that time.

Not saying I'm looking for any other ex-hookers, she was already an exception as it was (not to mention her race/religion), but I look for the same non-materialistic trait in women that I encountered in my youth if I'm going to risk dividing my assets again.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Definitely selfish and stupid, but her behavior is probably not malicious or calculated. It seems a bit hasty to say that she's not partner material and to write her off without making an effort to communicate first, IMO. She screwed up. Yeah. But, not every mistake is the final nail in the coffin, IMO. Most of the tune, she had shown affection and perseverance, so..,why not give her a chance to fix her mistake?


I'm not ready to give up on the relationship. Syrian really is a good woman, and to be fair it was more her two friends ganging up on me and her doing a poor drunken job of defending me. But it still pissed me off that I let myself get put in that situation.

Syrian called me this morning and she s coming over tonight so we can have a talk. She seemed scared, like she thinks I'm going to break up with her.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Not all girlfriends are gold-diggers. Not all women are, either.
> 
> Most women want to feel important to their partners. If her love language is words, saying big things matters. If her language is gifts, then presents matter. If it's touch, she'll be all about the sex. Those things are worth keeping in mind.
> 
> That being said, Syrian's friends seem unpleasant.


Syrian isn't a gold digger. She makes good money and owns her own house. She buys me stuff too. She just bought me a Fossil watch last week and took me to get a haircut at a ritzy salon. Always buying me clothes that she likes to see me in. I think they make me look gay, but I wear them because she likes me in them. She's trying to polish a turd....


----------



## RandomDude

I think the only person who's complaining about gold diggers is me bandit, moxy wasn't responding to you bro lol


----------



## bandit.45

Nsweet said:


> She may be a good woman while you're alone, but I think you saw a bit of her true form last night while she was inebriated and around her friends.
> 
> If she'll talk about you that way while you're in the same car with her, imagine what she's saying about you when you're not there.


Well you could say that about any chick. How do you know what the women in your life are saying behind your back? 

Syrian wasn't really talking smack. If she was there would have been no more phone calls between us. It would be over. I know when I'm being played for a sucker, and I don't get that with her.


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> I think the only person who's complaining about gold diggers is me bandit, moxy wasn't responding to you bro lol


Yeah I know. Look, I like spending money on my woman. I just do. I do it to make me feel good. Syrian loved her bracelet and I reaped the rewards. . It's hers to keep, give away, throw in the trash...I don't care.


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> I gave you examples, not a diagnosis. If you keep finding the women you're dating are more concerned with money than you, then you're going after that type that cares more about money whether you know it or not.


Ha! It's not just the women I date, it's the women I meet as well as befriend - and I ain't choosy with making acquaintances. Truth is, this is the big city, materialism is expected. Status, wealth, all that jazz, and I'm just a country boy who managed to hit it big last few years.

Last year finding quality dates was a bloody cruise, but I couldn't trust any of them unlike my ex who proved herself from the very beginning. So now I leveled the playing field by acting the guy I was before I married my ex, with interesting results!

Besides I find it amusing when they walk away thinking I aint "financially stable enough" lol, even with with my "story job" which I don't consider a poor occupation at ~50K. Besides before I expanded my business (let alone take over) I took a dive from earning 120K working 2 full-time jobs to barely breaking even. Only thing ex complained about is time together, never the money. 

She of course, reaped the rewards once my earnings increased exponentially, as now everything is ex's property except my venues. However, she never asked for it - more like I "bribed" her so there's less of a chance she'll want a piece of my money machines.



bandit.45 said:


> Yeah I know. Look, I like spending money on my woman. I just do. I do it to make me feel good. Syrian loved her bracelet and I reaped the rewards. . It's hers to keep, give away, throw in the trash...I don't care.


Sure, as long as they don't call you cheap! Personally I would find that very offensive after spending on her.


----------



## bravenewworld

I don't think the guy should have to spend $ all the time, but I'd like the next guy I date to not be all stingy for sure. 90% of the guys I've dated understand a gentleman pays - but the remaining 10% yeeeesh. 

Honestly, I'd rather go to the Farmers Market on a date to eat the free fruit samples and chug some 3 buck chuck from Trader Joe's than an expensive restaurant where a guy takes out a calculator to itemize who ate what. That ish kills my lady boner.


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> I don't think the guy should have to spend $ all the time, but I'd like the next guy I date to not be all stingy for sure. 90% of the guys I've dated understand a gentleman pays - but the remaining 10% yeeeesh.
> 
> Honestly, I'd rather go to the Farmers Market on a date to eat the free fruit samples and chug some 3 buck chuck from Trader Joe's than an expensive restaurant where a guy takes out a calculator to itemize who ate what. That ish kills my lady boner.


Lady boner.....



Lady boner....


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> Wait a minute.
> 
> You're pretending to be the guy you were before you married, that same guy who attracted his ex wife and fell for her, and you're surprised you can't find a woman you really like?
> 
> You're pretending to be someone you're not and finding women like that character you're playing. If you don't replace your ex wife with a woman exactly like her, you're going to find a woman even worse.
> 
> You did a lot of growing since you were that guy, don't forget you evolved since then.


In terms of financial means - yes. In other terms - no. Of course I don't act as if I just came out of crime like back in those days. In fact my "story job" is already alot better than my situation back then, it's a stable 'career' if you can call it that. 

I think what triggers the women though is when I say "I'm not financially motivated" - which I'm not, especially not now when I have no reason to be.

I'm a different man sure, but they don't need to know I evolved financially do they? It shouldn't matter at all, but it does, so I play my little act, and thus far I've filtered several dates out compared to last year.


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This sounds like a deal breaker. I think you are playing with fire if you are sincere about looking out for yourself. You know, there are women out there that you could be compatible with who would never even dream of going to a nightclub on a GNO to get hammered, and then there are those who make a plan beforehand for their transportation, and then there are those who like to play a game of control and bait by doing what she did, making the conscious decision one drink at a time to do so. If she doesn't get it by now she's never going to get it. She does not have your back, and is not partner material. *You cannot train a person in the art of having their partner's back. What she did was selfish and not in the spirit of partnership.*


Wow...right there, that's it


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> She may be a good woman while you're alone, but I think you saw a bit of her true form last night while she was inebriated and around her friends.
> 
> If she'll talk about you that way while you're in the same car with her, imagine what she's saying about you when you're not there.


Yeah but words only go so far. Like Unsure always says "actions not words"!
It has become one of my motto's


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Lady boner.....
> 
> 
> 
> Lady boner....


It's a real thing. I would post a link here, but to look it up on my work computer would probably get me fired.

Seriously, real thing.


----------



## unsure78

Love is Not Enough - Mark Manson
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Truth is, this is the big city, materialism is expected. Status, wealth, all that jazz, and I'm just a country boy who managed to hit it big last few years.


Seems to me you are painting in some very broad strokes here that do not do justice to the variety of women in the city. I've never, ever dated a woman who was focused on money or getting gifts and being wined and dined at fancy places. 

Example: I spent the night at Guatemalan's home the other night. I have never owned a home, intentionally so. I expected it to be filled with lots of typical things people put in their homes, trinkets and **** that people put on their shelves, extra this and that. I got there and she clearly lives a very simple life. I really like that cause that is how I am. I offered her an extra lamp that I have since my apartment doesn't need one of my floor lamps and she said that she doesn't like to have things she doesn't need lying around so go ahead and give to to Good Will. Excellent! Of course, she grew up poor in Guatemala, so that colors her outlook on life (her brother is really, really wealthy now apparently, but she rejects that pursuit).

My ex was the same way. Immigrant who grew up in Harlem and never focused on making lots of money, finding a man with money, getting fancy things. She'd have been pissed at me had I bought her a really, really expensive engagement ring or whatnot. (my ex sister in law is a different matter...lawyer who definitely wants the high life, though it seems to allude her).

Anyhow...my experience is the exact opposite of yours. Cities are not simply filled with women chasing men with money. 

I've never really been attracted to women whose primary love language is gifts. Maybe you are.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> I think what triggers the women though is when I say *"I'm not financially motivated"* - which I'm not, especially not now when I have no reason to be.
> 
> I'm a different man sure, *but they don't need to know I evolved financially do they? It shouldn't matter at all*, but it does, so I play my little act, and thus far I've filtered several dates out compared to last year.


I go back to what I said about this whole song and dance of yours before...this screams starving artist/struggling musician/hippie type and most of us self sufficient woman of this millinneum dont want to deal with that type of man. That doesnt make us gold diggers. So yes, it does matter. Should it be the most important thing on the list? No.


----------



## Arendt

3Xnocharm said:


> I go back to what I said about this whole song and dance of yours before...this screams starving artist/struggling musician/hippie type and most of us self sufficient woman of this millinneum dont want to deal with that type of man. That doesnt make us gold diggers. So yes, it does matter. Should it be the most important thing on the list? No.


I think I get what you are saying. You don't want to be the person in the relationship who carries the financial weight of the relationship while the man struggles to find work doing whatever it is he does...or worse, sits around smoking pot and dreaming of things that will never happen.

But why pick on artists and musicians? Some do very well. 

A man does not have to be a hippie or a musician, academics, who project success and social standing at the very least, can be that way too. Given the job market in academia a man could go on making $20,000 a year working 60 hours a week as an adjunct for years in the hopes of an allusive tenured job. Ughh. 

Anyway, I get your point and I agree that a woman should not carry a man financially. But does "I am not financially motivated" really say that? Why doesn't it say: I don't think pursuing a high dollar career at the expensive of my mental health is worth it...I am happy with making enough to live on and save a little and support whatever family I have and that is enough. 

Because you don't want a man who works 60-80 hours a week either and makes loads of cash do you? That is the type of person who is financially motivated and who will put work prior to your needs (and his really).


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> I've never really been attracted to women *whose primary love language is gifts*. Maybe you are.


:rofl:



Arendt said:


> Because you don't want a man who works 60-80 hours a week either and makes loads of cash do you? That is the type of person who is financially motivated and who will put work prior to your needs (and his really).


I was with this guy for a long time. LONG time. It is a total catch-22. Because here you have someone who is a hard worker and really ambitious, probably financially secure, etc. But he is married to his job. You will never be the priority. My guy thought that because he could buy me "things" I should be happy. But that's not what it's about. It's funny because he was like RD describes. Showed up to one of our first dates driving a less than stellar car - later said it's because he wanted to see if I liked him for him...... Ok. Turns out he ended up being infinitely more materialistic than me. Taking a backseat to a workaholic gets exhausting. There has to be a balance.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> I was with this guy for a long time. LONG time. It is a total catch-22. Because here you have someone who is a hard worker and really ambitious, probably financially secure, etc. But he is married to his job. You will never be the priority. My guy thought that because he could buy me "things" I should be happy. But that's not what it's about. It's funny because he was like RD describes. Showed up to one of our first dates driving a less than stellar car - later said it's because he wanted to see if I liked him for him...... Ok. Turns out he ended up being infinitely more materialistic than me. Taking a backseat to a workaholic gets exhausting. There has to be a balance.


Yeah, I suppose the phrase "financially motivated" can have a lot of different meanings. No, I would not want to be with a workaholic. My second husband was NOT financially motivated, he was content being poor...I was not so keen on this!

I meant no offense, Arendt!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> . No, I would not want to be with a workaholic. My second husband was NOT financially motivated, he was content being poor...I was not so keen on this!


Balance!


----------



## RandomDude

@Arendt

None of the women I've dated were blatant materialists, expecting gifts and what not. Much more subtle; my little act did lead to a few deciding not to continue including my favourite example who claimed she wants someone "more established" in which I found very amusing!

Now I can see how financial security can be important to a woman; a man must be able to carry his own weight. I always have and always will since I was 12 years of age. However, there is a difference between financial security and materialism. The story I portray to my potentials is not one of poverty, it's of a simple and humble part-time employee who is happy with his circumstances and his means.

The problem I have is my inability to trust someone now that I'm more established post-marriage compared to pre-marriage in my earlier years. Last year I had a few quality dates, including 'laundry lady' who was beautiful, hard-working and family oriented. However I wasn't ready nor could I trust her as she knew of my business.

Which is the reason I don't just go back and date her again this year, cause she was great. Even if I don't judge her as a materialist, I simply don't know, and no way for me to find out. Hence my little test prior to any emotional entanglement to allow me to see just who I'm really dealing with. Would laundry lady have been so interested if one takes away my wealth? I'll never know, but for future dates - this test is the only way.



3Xnocharm said:


> I go back to what I said about this whole song and dance of yours before...this screams starving artist/struggling musician/hippie type and most of us self sufficient woman of this millinneum dont want to deal with that type of man. That doesnt make us gold diggers. So yes, it does matter. Should it be the most important thing on the list? No.


Really? Simply because I say I'm not financially motivated - which is the truth btw. I don't lie to my dates, I just misdirect like magic! 

And hey, I never was, though sure, when the baby bells rang and panic mode kicked in I went full force in bacon bringing but it wasn't wealth that motivated me, it was my new wife and incoming daughter! 

Besides, throughout my marriage I spent very little on myself. Heck I still do, and right now I have a reason not to spend; rebuilding my capital that I lost due to the postnup with ex. So hey if a woman judges me based on being non-financially motivated then it's just a matter of incompatibility isn't it?


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> It's funny because he was like RD describes. Showed up to one of our first dates driving a less than stellar car - later said it's because he wanted to see if I liked him for him...... Ok. Turns out he ended up being infinitely more materialistic than me. Taking a backseat to a workaholic gets exhausting. There has to be a balance.


Yeah I suspect RD is getting exactly the type of woman he really wants. A good psychologist could probably show him that what he really wants is a woman who admires him for his hard work and wealth. That is why he keeps getting those type of women on dates. But I am not a psychologist.



3Xnocharm said:


> I meant no offense, Arendt!


None taken. I was just saying. I think you are right on what you were saying really.

I was a workaholic...destroyed my marriage. It wasn't for the money though...it was for...fvck I don't even know anymore . Prestige and being self-centered (under the guise of not being self-centered given my profession though). I intentionally limit my work to 40 hours or less, wouldn't matter if I were offered a million dollars now. No.


----------



## RandomDude

Arendt said:


> Yeah I suspect RD is getting exactly the type of woman he really wants. A good psychologist could probably show him that what he really wants is a woman who admires him for his hard work and wealth. That is why he keeps getting those type of women on dates. But I am not a psychologist.


Actually what I really want is a woman who I can trust, which isn't very easy to come by. Ex built it over the years and as she was with me from the very beginning I knew from the start she's not in it for the money.

Besides, if you've been there where I was - you and I both know it's not who you trust it's what you trust them to do. 

As for the women I keep getting on dates, they are all rather normal, just with their priorities in the wrong order to mine. As I mentioned repeatedly, they aren't your blatant materialists. And if I truly wanted a woman who just appreciated me for my wealth and "hard work" I would be happy with my dates last year right? Nope.

Heh, "hard work" lol - I work maybe 2-3 hours a day - if I work at all! Anymore everyone gets the sh-ts that I'm fixing things that ain't broke. Only job I haven't fully delegated is business development which I only desire to do during peak seasons, 20-50K deals are too hard to pass up especially when it makes everyone happy for the work, hours and extra cash.

Also the reason why I'm stuck though, as my role I can't seem to find anyone with a similar level of industrial knowledge, sales savvy and connections within the industry to keep the juice flowing, except other owners and MDs of course. So I can't delegate... bah!


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Yeah I suspect RD is getting exactly the type of woman he really wants. A good psychologist could probably show him that what he really wants is a woman who admires him for his hard work and wealth. That is why he keeps getting those type of women on dates. But I am not a psychologist.
> 
> I was a workaholic...destroyed my marriage. It wasn't for the money though...it was for...fvck I don't even know anymore . Prestige and being self-centered (under the guise of not being self-centered given my profession though). I intentionally limit my work to 40 hours or less, wouldn't matter if I were offered a million dollars now. No.


I agree with what you are saying about RD, I was the same way. Actually I can totally relate to a lot of the things he says cause I use to felt like that too. Things have changed a lot since my divorce though. 

Yep it was one of the leading factors in the demise of my marriage also. Woke up before sunrise and worked all day then if I was home for dinner(which I tried to be) I worked from home either paperwork or fixing equipment or cleaning the shop or yard.


----------



## RandomDude

Feeling invisible right now...


----------



## badcompany

RD, I wanted to offer a bit of insight. I've been on TAM here for awhile now, followed your story and seen a lot of your posts about you and your ex and your dating adventures. Don't take this negatively in any way, but I see your type as someone not overly emotionally available....again not to any extreme....but if you took a personality test I bet it would indicate as such. I am an opposite of that and a lot of things you posted about your ex I found myself saying "yes please" aside from the cheating of course and saw a lot of similarities between you and my ex(her BPD aside). I think you've suffered the same thing my marriage did, in general...different personality types and their resulting needs not being fulfilled on both sides. If you want to learn about yourself take the personality test, I like the 16personalitytypes.com site myself. That understanding will really help you in your woman search. I'm to the point where within a few messages or even reading a profile description I can tell if a gal falls into that ISFJ/INFJ type I know I am looking for.


----------



## RandomDude

Erm... ex never cheated =/ It was me, and was before marriage. Or at least we both think I cheated, personally to this day I don't even know as I was drunk and apparently had a ONS. Not that any of it matters now anyway.

As for the personality tests, my results always ended up all over the bloody place depending on which test I took (and probably my mood). Some even right smack in the middle making it too inconclusive.

But yes, I ain't emotionally available at all, until I actually trust someone I can be emotionally available with. With ex I actually desired more emotional companionship rather than just the physical which she subjected me to.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not ready to give up on the relationship. Syrian really is a good woman, and to be fair it was more her two friends ganging up on me and her doing a poor drunken job of defending me. But it still pissed me off that I let myself get put in that situation.
> 
> Syrian called me this morning and she s coming over tonight so we can have a talk. She seemed scared, like she thinks I'm going to break up with her.


That's entirely different, willing to be pissed at yourself for letting yourself get into that situation. If you communicate that to her and she offers to watch your back a bit more, that would be good.


----------



## bravenewworld

As women it's a hard balance - I don't want someone primarily for their wallet but I also don't want someone who comes across as fiscally irresponsible or doesn't care at all about money. I was already married to someone like that and the stress nearly killed me. 

Honestly just once I would like to try going out with a guy who totally spoiled me. It'd be a nice change of pace! I'm exploring my inner gold digger.


----------



## bravenewworld

This is probably TMI but had to share - for the first time in 10 years I just bought a size small in pants. SMALL! 

Divorce and uphill hiking is doing a body good!!


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Feeling invisible right now...


Lol sorry buddy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

RockinBunny? Are you sure you don't mean BunnyBoiler??
:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Feeling invisible right now...


Invisible, anonymous, and random?


----------



## Arendt

RockinBunny said:


> I`m not finished yet...


Yeah...you are. 

Stalker alert.


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Yeah...you are.
> 
> Stalker alert.


Um....whoa. 

Things around here just got vawy skawy. Secure the bunnies!!! :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld said:


> Um....whoa.
> 
> Things around here just got vawy skawy. Secure the bunnies!!! :rofl:


Watch it lady or you will be reported for emotional abuse. And if you do not reply, doubly so.


----------



## COGypsy

Arendt said:


> Watch it lady or you will be reported for emotional abuse. And if you do not reply, doubly so.


Would that make it ButtHurtBunny??

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## bravenewworld

And while the cute picture of ne and Nsweet warmed my cold heart.......this is why I don't meet people from internet forums. #yikes


----------



## Jellybeans

What in the hell is going on? Straight Twilight Zone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

A lot of problems like these can be solved by parting ways and developing a short term relationship with a bowl of popcorn and a list of movies you've always wanted to watch. Beer optional.

This is not even interesting or in any way developmental in the way of dating other than to reinforce the concepts of internet stalking and drama seeking. 

I'm thinking I may get a hotmail account to use for any online dating correspondence. 
So far, I think I've just been lucky.

Do people really analyze relationships to this degree? Arrrrrrrrgh. How can this possibly be pleasant? It's a free world, wouldn't people rather watch a movie or something?


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> And while the cute picture of ne and Nsweet warmed my cold heart.......this is why I don't meet people from internet forums. #yikes


Lol, yeah some of us know each other pretty well though. Have phone numbers and or know where they live and whatever. I haven't met anyone from TAM but I would not mind quite a few if I had the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Lol, yeah some of us know each other pretty well though. Have phone numbers and or know where they live and whatever. I haven't met anyone from TAM but I would not mind quite a few if I had the time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Makes sense, lots of good folks on here. :smthumbup:

Although one of the things I like about this forum is knowing people without "knowing" them. Feels like I can be more honest and get thoughtful and varied feedback outside my social circle.

But still, seeing something like this happen is straight up so cray I forgot the z. Who stalks someone to re-post private correspondence on internet message boards?!


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Makes sense, lots of good folks on here. :smthumbup:
> 
> Although one of the things I like about this forum is knowing people without "knowing" them. Feels like I can be more honest and get thoughtful and varied feedback outside my social circle.
> 
> But still, seeing something like this happen is straight up so cray I forgot the z. Who stalks someone to re-post private correspondence on internet message boards?!


BNW, I really think this cray-cray is way outside the norm. I've met a couple people from TAM IRL, and have always had a positive experience. I've occasionally not really clicked with someone, so we didn't become best buds, but I've never had a BAD experience.

One of my best IRL friends now is someone I met on TAM, and he and I still have yet to meet in person.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> And while the cute picture of ne and Nsweet warmed my cold heart.......this is why I don't meet people from internet forums. #yikes


I so love the over attached girlfriend memes!!


I have a couple more pics to share, but will post in private album.
I would totally meet more TAM ! 
It was so much fun to meet Nsweet, he is funny and knows his way around an adult shop!
Plus he laughed at most of my attemps at being funny!


----------



## RandomDude

bravenewworld said:


> As women it's a hard balance - I don't want someone primarily for their wallet but I also don't want someone who comes across as fiscally irresponsible or doesn't care at all about money. I was already married to someone like that and the stress nearly killed me.
> 
> Honestly just once I would like to try going out with a guy who totally spoiled me. It'd be a nice change of pace! I'm exploring my inner gold digger.


Well, from what others have also mentioned, it seems my story which is simply:

- Works part/time
- Holds a steady 'job'
- No career inspirations
- No educational inspirations
- No financial motivation
- Drives and maintains his own car
- Pays for his own stuff
- Pays for the dates

Means: "Not established enough" / "Fiscally irresponsible" / "Not financially secure" etc, and that the women who eventually decided to end things based on my little story weren't gold-diggers.

Yet how is it that the above equates the conclusion?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Well, from what others have also mentioned, it seems my story which is simply:
> 
> - Works part/time
> - Holds a steady 'job'
> - No career inspirations
> - No educational inspirations
> - No financial motivation
> - Drives and maintains his own car
> - Pays for his own stuff
> - Pays for the dates
> 
> Means: "Not established enough" / "Fiscally irresponsible" / "Not financially secure" etc, and that the women who eventually decided to end things based on my little story weren't gold-diggers.
> 
> Yet how is it that the above equates the conclusion?


You spend a long time thinking up the reasons that women aren't interested in you (or the you that you show to them or try to show to them.) I am content with having a short list of why men aren't interested in me: I have butt hair. Now I know very well that men can't tell I have butt hair just by looking at me, but is spares me from having to make up lists about why men aren't interested in me that include things like 3 divorces, too high a sex drive/too dangerous looking sexually for a 50 year old, kids at home, not always available on the weekends, does not appear to work a regular job, owns a car without electronics that make you agree to drive safely before it will give you directions or the time of day, does not own a house (or want to) etc. Butt hair is so much easier. You should make a short list of something easy. I'm tempted to get waxed, but my list would be destroyed.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? The list is long? Lol it is but one thought to me! 

Anyways I do like to conclude what happened with my dates this year compared to last year, as did the quality dates magically disappear since or does my anti-materialism test actually work as intended?

So far I'm believing the latter though others are claiming that my story is pushing them away too much which I don't see how considering I don't believe my story is that bad. Besides they aren't lies - e.g. I still have no career/education! lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bravenewworld said:


> Makes sense, lots of good folks on here. :smthumbup:
> 
> Although one of the things I like about this forum is knowing people without "knowing" them. Feels like I can be more honest and get thoughtful and varied feedback outside my social circle.
> *
> But still, seeing something like this happen is straight up so cray I forgot the z. Who stalks someone to re-post private correspondence on internet message boards?*!


Can someone tell me what the hell I missed?? 

And that was NSweet with Ne?? Damn I am SO out of the loop!!


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Seems to me you are painting in some very broad strokes here that do not do justice to the variety of women in the city. I've never, ever dated a woman who was focused on money or getting gifts and being wined and dined at fancy places.
> 
> Example: I spent the night at Guatemalan's home the other night. I have never owned a home, intentionally so. I expected it to be filled with lots of typical things people put in their homes, trinkets and **** that people put on their shelves, extra this and that. I got there and she clearly lives a very simple life. I really like that cause that is how I am. I offered her an extra lamp that I have since my apartment doesn't need one of my floor lamps and she said that she doesn't like to have things she doesn't need lying around so go ahead and give to to Good Will. Excellent! Of course, she grew up poor in Guatemala, so that colors her outlook on life (her brother is really, really wealthy now apparently, but she rejects that pursuit).
> 
> My ex was the same way. Immigrant who grew up in Harlem and never focused on making lots of money, finding a man with money, getting fancy things. She'd have been pissed at me had I bought her a really, really expensive engagement ring or whatnot. (my ex sister in law is a different matter...lawyer who definitely wants the high life, though it seems to allude her).
> 
> Anyhow...my experience is the exact opposite of yours. Cities are not simply filled with women chasing men with money.
> 
> I've never really been attracted to women whose primary love language is gifts. Maybe you are.


Never had the problem either. Though the type of person that attracts me would usually be anti establishment anyway , one and the same haha.
Ex was very simple to in that type of thing, didn't like my multi millionaire brother inlaw either at all ,, haha , me neither :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You spend a long time thinking up the reasons that women aren't interested in you (or the you that you show to them or try to show to them.) I am content with having a short list of why men aren't interested in me: I have butt hair. Now I know very well that men can't tell I have butt hair just by looking at me, but is spares me from having to make up lists about why men aren't interested in me that include things like 3 divorces, too high a sex drive/too dangerous looking sexually for a 50 year old, kids at home, not always available on the weekends, does not appear to work a regular job, owns a car without electronics that make you agree to drive safely before it will give you directions or the time of day, does not own a house (or want to) etc. Butt hair is so much easier. You should make a short list of something easy. I'm tempted to get waxed, but my list would be destroyed.


Omg lol I love this  I would so date you.....so if you're wondering there is still hope 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> I think I get what you are saying. You don't want to be the person in the relationship who carries the financial weight of the relationship while the man struggles to find work doing whatever it is he does...or worse, sits around smoking pot and dreaming of things that will never happen.
> 
> But why pick on artists and musicians? Some do very well.
> 
> A man does not have to be a hippie or a musician, academics, who project success and social standing at the very least, can be that way too. Given the job market in academia a man could go on making $20,000 a year working 60 hours a week as an adjunct for years in the hopes of an allusive tenured job. Ughh.
> 
> Anyway, I get your point and I agree that a woman should not carry a man financially. But does "I am not financially motivated" really say that? Why doesn't it say: I don't think pursuing a high dollar career at the expensive of my mental health is worth it...I am happy with making enough to live on and save a little and support whatever family I have and that is enough.
> 
> Because you don't want a man who works 60-80 hours a week either and makes loads of cash do you? That is the type of person who is financially motivated and who will put work prior to your needs (and his really).


But women never think of that last point until they've been sitting at home in comfort and alone for 10yrs


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Can someone tell me what the hell I missed??
> 
> And that was NSweet with Ne?? Damn I am SO out of the loop!!


Yeah me to. Yes that was Nsweet and NE but I have no idea about the stalking part...just friends meeting IMO nothing wrong with that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> But women never think of that last point until they've been sitting at home in comfort and alone for 10yrs


 WH buddy there is someone out there for you I promise, just keep working on yourself and don't worry about those girls cause they will find you when you're ready. 
You have been sounding kind of frustrated ATM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> As women it's a hard balance - I don't want someone primarily for their wallet but I also don't want someone who comes across as fiscally irresponsible or doesn't care at all about money. I was already married to someone like that and the stress nearly killed me.
> 
> Honestly just once I would like to try going out with a guy who totally spoiled me. It'd be a nice change of pace! I'm exploring my inner gold digger.


I want a women that'll totally spoil me


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, the high life, interestingly my ex who although didn't judge me based on my financial worth when we were dating, always lived a high life. She jumped from a rich family to a rich lifestyle back to a rich family and then to a husband who to outsiders never knew was had much wealth before marriage. She was then, as such, accused of materialism by marrying me, which I also found amusing.


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> A lot of problems like these can be solved by parting ways and developing a short term relationship with a bowl of popcorn and a list of movies you've always wanted to watch. Beer optional.
> 
> This is not even interesting or in any way developmental in the way of dating other than to reinforce the concepts of internet stalking and drama seeking.
> 
> I'm thinking I may get a hotmail account to use for any online dating correspondence.
> So far, I think I've just been lucky.
> 
> Do people really analyze relationships to this degree? Arrrrrrrrgh. How can this possibly be pleasant? It's a free world, wouldn't people rather watch a movie or something?


haha , how often I've thought that !


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> Yeah me to. Yes that was Nsweet and NE but I have no idea about the stalking part...just friends meeting IMO nothing wrong with that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A few pages back someone from another self-help forum found out a TAM member was posting about them (In a totally anonymous/generic way) in this thread. 

They proceeded to rip them a new one, ranting about all the "lies" and saying the TAM member was now ignoring them and that it was emotional abuse. They also posted private correspondence between them.

Bottom line: it was some next level bunny boiler ish.

Edited to add: Rightly so, the crazy town posts were deleted. All the "stalking" comments are referencing those super cray posts, not NSweet and NE's meetup.


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> I want a women that'll totally spoil me


Want to partner on a new dating site? Spoilmyass.com - where selfish singles meet!


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld said:


> A few pages back someone from another self-help forum found out a TAM member was posting about them (In a totally anonymous/generic way) in this thread.
> 
> They proceeded to rip them a new one, ranting about all the "lies" and saying the TAM member was now ignoring them and that it was emotional abuse. They also posted private correspondence between them.
> 
> Bottom line: it was some next level bunny boiler ish.
> 
> Edited to add: Rightly so, the crazy town posts were deleted. All the "stalking" comments are referencing those super cray posts, not NSweet and NE's meetup.


Her username was "rockinbunny" or something of that sort. They were not posts directed at me but that woman was clearly crazy, and our fellow TAMer was right to say "next" about her in here. She proved him exactly right.

Yeah...nobody bad-mouthing Nsweet or NE. Personally, I enjoy both of their posts. 

As to meeting people off of a forum: craziness is a risk no matter where you meet a person. But i get a sense that most of the folks posting in here are fairly stable people who would be fine to know in person. I mean...bnw...didn't you do the internet dating thing? How is that any different than a forum? Seems safer to meet somebody from a forum actually.


----------



## RandomDude

Picking up on a forum of all places? Meh, think I'll stick to plucking them from where-ever.


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Her username was "rockinbunny" or something of that sort. They were not posts directed at me but that woman was clearly crazy, and our fellow TAMer was right to say "next" about her in here. She proved him exactly right.
> 
> Yeah...nobody bad-mouthing Nsweet or NE. Personally, I enjoy both of their posts.
> 
> As to meeting people off of a forum: craziness is a risk no matter where you meet a person. But i get a sense that most of the folks posting in here are fairly stable people who would be fine to know in person. I mean...bnw...didn't you do the internet dating thing? How is that any different than a forum? Seems safer to meet somebody from a forum actually.


I wish I had some brilliant response that made me sound exceptionally aware of my personal safety.....

But the truth is, the menz on the dating sites had pictures with their shirts off and promises of sex, cuddling, and beer in frosty chalices. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon. 

In my defense, on first dates I ALWAYS took a pic of their drivers license and texted it to my best friend. One guy said, "it feels like I'm on an episode of CSI." I know, I'm paranoid. 

In conclusion: I still feel like it can be dangerous to meet people off internet sites. But apparently if sex and beer are on the table, I am willing to take those risks. :smthumbup:


----------



## Arendt

I was suggesting picking up people here (why would you do that unless they are in the same city anyhow?). But meeting like NE and NSweet, not a problem. I guess I did say something about match in teh same breath...but not meaning to equate them. Just talking about meeting people based on the internet in general.

WHen i lived in NYC I had a rent controlled apartment downtown and got my roomate off of craigslist. He was the best roommate I ever had. A delight to be around. 

I used to run a fairly popular niche website, and I could (and still can) go pretty much anywhere in the US or England and I have a place to stay and plenty of people to meet. I have met people in London, all up and down the West and East Coast from the interent. Never had an issue.


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld said:


> I wish I had some brilliant response that made me sound exceptionally aware of my personal safety.....
> 
> But the truth is, the menz on the dating sites had pictures with their shirts off and promises of sex, cuddling, and beer in frosty chalices. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.
> 
> In my defense, on first dates I ALWAYS took a pic of their drivers license and texted it to my best friend. One guy said, "it feels like I'm on an episode of CSI." I know, I'm paranoid.
> 
> In conclusion: I still feel like it can be dangerous to meet people off internet sites. But apparently if sex and beer are on the table, I am willing to take those risks. :smthumbup:


that's a funny way to put it. 

I get the DL thing. I would not be offended personally. I am sure it could make for some good jokes too.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, I like to keep things locally I guess, but tis just me. Only way I'll ever go beyond 100km for someone is if she looks something like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4h6Qnyn_mA

But hey I already get that locally, like with FWB... speaking of which, wishes she puts on makeup cause she looks just as stunning as Nina with it, but with me she just cant be bothered. 

Sure she doesn't exactly need it to get me going but hell...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> WH buddy there is someone out there for you I promise, just keep working on yourself and don't worry about those girls cause they will find you when you're ready.
> You have been sounding kind of frustrated ATM
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha thanks Ap. Have I , sorry mate didn't mean to , just a few crazy things happening lately , just makes you think wtf. Come here and tell you guys about them bc I know some encounter the same.
Yeah she might be man ,plenty on offer , maybe l'm too fussy :rofl: but someone that has that something , now that is alluding me.

But hey then again , when I read stuff from say you , Ardent , you guys have earnt it , maybe it's your time.
I've always been envied and felt so lucky, so maybe it's my time now to go without for awhile :rofl:
Who knows what the Gods have planned hey :scratchhead:

I could do an RD I guess but really , it's just not me . No offence RD , whatever floats the boat is cool with me .


----------



## RandomDude

Meh

I was singing that tune not too long ago, eventually I just gave up and settled for whatever I could find - FWB. Too many disappointments I think, the highs of infactuation and the lows, which pile up. The last date I was genuinely excited, maybe I should stop being excited bbt pffft... hard not to once the butterflies kick in.

Anyways, just feeling down, even if I'm back with FWB


----------



## whitehawk

yeah i know the feeling. Have been offered a few fwb things but really , as l said. Although l.m wondering to lately . Nothings is going right , fkg opposite extreme in fact , so why would the love life be any different :rofl:

My new area's pretty up and down to, it's so typical me . One extreme to the other , shoulda been a rock star , extreme highs and extreme lows.
Sometimes I envy the lucky sods that just have the mundane , flat , nothing ever happens lives. 
Least they know what they're waking upto tomorrow :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> But women never think of that last point until they've been sitting at home in comfort and alone for 10yrs


WH, please stop generalizing and being so negative. A lot of women know up front they don't want an workaholic who's at the office 60-80 hrs/wk. Most women AREN'T gold diggers; most of us care more about a man spending his time and affection on us, not his money.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Yeah me to. Yes that was Nsweet and NE but I have no idea about the stalking part...just friends meeting IMO nothing wrong with that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There were some crazy stalker-ish posts put on this thread by someone who's not a regular Singles poster. The poster re-posted some private correspondence between her and another TAMer. It was very vitriolic and bitter.

It looks like someone took the posts down now, which is why you're confused.


----------



## Nsweet

bravenewworld said:


> And while the cute picture of ne and Nsweet warmed my cold heart.......this is why I don't meet people from internet forums. #yikes


Relationship Advice - YouTube


----------



## FeministInPink

This is for Muskrat, wherever he's been lately 

15 Reasons to Date a Farmer - eHarmony Advice


----------



## Nsweet

Hilarious!
*Read the post circled in red.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> There were some crazy stalker-ish posts put on this thread by someone who's not a regular Singles poster. The poster re-posted some private correspondence between her and another TAMer. It was very vitriolic and bitter.
> 
> It looks like someone took the posts down now, which is why you're confused.


Do we know which TAM'er those posts were referring to here? 

I would love to meet any of my Singles thread TAM'ers! I think everyone is too cool!


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> yeah i know the feeling. Have been offered a few fwb things but really , as l said. Although l.m wondering to lately . Nothings is going right , fkg opposite extreme in fact , so why would the love life be any different :rofl:
> 
> My new area's pretty up and down to, it's so typical me .* One extreme to the other , shoulda been a rock star , extreme highs and extreme lows.*Sometimes I envy the lucky sods that just have the mundane , flat , nothing ever happens lives.
> Least they know what they're waking upto tomorrow :rofl:


I have been using the word 
"I have never done that before" or "That had never happened to me before" a lot!

Put a positive spin on the rollercoaster and smile!


----------



## Nsweet

3Xnocharm said:


> Do we know which TAM'er those posts were referring to here?
> 
> I would love to meet any of my Singles thread TAM'ers! I think everyone is too cool!


I've already met *ne9907* and *moxy*. 

Wasn't planning on it, just sort of happened.



ne9907 said:


> I have been using the word
> "I have never done that before" or "That had never happened to me before" a lot!
> 
> Put a positive spin on the rollercoaster and smile!


I use those phrases a lot too,.... for sex. 

You can say _"I've never done that before"_ so you won't seem like such a sl*t. Or use phrases like _"That's never happened to me before"_ and _"That's the first time that's ever happened"_ in case something goes wrong to cover your tracks.... That way it's not your fault.

Doggy style? What is that? No, I've never done that before. 

:rofl:


----------



## Durnik

Oh, crap, that was for me.

Time to go a bit further incognito (hence the new moniker.) 

I really appreciate the backup, and hope no one got strafed too bad by Glen Close, there. Hooray for new and improved "Get the hell out of Dodge" reflexes!

Seriously - I met her on a forum for a few months, she expressed an interest in me, we exchanged a handful of emails, and then she blew up at me for mentioning I went out with a friend on my birthday. I responded with a "I'm not ok with this, and am going on my way. I'm blocking you, goodbye." And haven't even thought about her in weeks. Kind of chilling.

Thanks, again, all. Completely new account name here, to hopefully limit future spillover.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I've already met *ne9907* and *moxy*.
> 
> Wasn't planning on it, just sort of happened.
> 
> 
> I use those phrases a lot too,.... for sex.
> 
> You can say _"I've never done that before"_ so you won't seem like such a sl*t. Or use phrases like _"That's never happened to me before"_ and _"That's the first time that's ever happened"_ in case something goes wrong to cover your tracks.... That way it's not your fault.
> 
> Doggy style? What is that? No, I've never done that before.
> 
> :rofl:



:rofl::rofl::rofl:

You know? Being in a bible belt state for a couple of days has sort of put me in a different set of mind. All kidding aside.


----------



## Nsweet

That kind of things happens a lot here.

A little while back I had a TAM stalker that got a little too close and personal. She was sending me masturbation videos through email and talking like she was going to meet me in person real soon. I ended up phasing her out slowly enough that she got the point, then one day she messaged me apologizing not not wanting to talk because she said she was falling in love with me.

I know what affairs look like and I never tried to lead her on, I just listened to her and gave her support during her time in need. The same thing I do for practically everybody on here.


----------



## Nsweet

ne9907 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> You know? Being in a bible belt state for a couple of days has sort of put me in a different set of mind. All kidding aside.


Not all Texans are conservative bible thumpers. We do have a lot of freaks down here.... We're just a little more conservative out in the open. 

You didn't see all the lower back tattoos on the moms in Central Market did you?


----------



## moxy

NSweet is fun to hang out with. We met when I was in Dallas. NE, if I had been in town, it would've ben cool to meet you, too.

The Bible Belt is an interesting place to be, sometimes.

Videos and falling in love on a forum!? Yikes!!

Update on me: I'm drowning in work and thinking of taking a nap! Haven't seen Guy in a little over a week, but we texted a few days ago -- nothing flirty, just checking in (I wish there was more flirting). I'm aware that his time stateside is short and that makes me sad, but I hope I get to see him soon because fun times need to happen more often! I went to three parties last week an I have a few more coming up next week. This week, though, I just want to catch up on work, organizing and household stuff. I need some downtime.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> ...I just listened to her and gave her support during her time in need. The same thing I do for practically everybody on here.


If I send you MB videos would you block me too?


----------



## ne9907

I am sleepy, cranky, crabby, pissy..... I want to punch someone in the face and then just go to sleep for at least 18 hours.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lon said:


> If I send you MB videos would you block me too?


:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> *I have been using the word
> "I have never done that before"* or "That had never happened to me before" a lot!
> 
> Put a positive spin on the rollercoaster and smile!


Um, yeah, so...along those lines...I had my first ever ONS over the weekend! 

>>runsawayducking<<


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Um, yeah, so...along those lines...I had my first ever ONS over the weekend!
> 
> >>runsawayducking<<


 do share!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> That kind of things happens a lot here.
> 
> *A little while back I had a TAM stalker that got a little too close and personal. She was sending me masturbation videos through email and talking like she was going to meet me in person real soon. I ended up phasing her out slowly enough that she got the point, then one day she messaged me apologizing not not wanting to talk because she said she was falling in love with me*.
> 
> I know what affairs look like and I never tried to lead her on, I just listened to her and gave her support during her time in need. The same thing I do for practically everybody on here.


Yikes! Masturbating videos? That's... seriously crazy.


----------



## Nsweet

Lon said:


> If I send you MB videos would you block me too?


No. I never blocked her either.

At worst, I'll send your videos to ratemypenis.com and have a good laugh.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Um, yeah, so...along those lines...I had my first ever ONS over the weekend!
> 
> >>runsawayducking<<


Spill it!


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian an I had a good long talk last night. Re established some boundaries and established new ones. In short, I am no longer her and her girlfriends' taxi service. If they want to go out and get smashed they have to save some cash for a taxi. Agreed. 

I told her if word ever got back to me that she was openly flirting with a guy, disappearing into a dark corner with a guy, touching a guy or leaves with a guy during one of her GNOs, it is game over for us. Agreed. 

We re established the basic rules of exclusivity: no texting or talking to other men on her side, same on my side for women. She has one gay flamer buddy who she hangs with who I am fine with because he's queer as folk and a very cool dude. I trust him. 

We kissed, she apologized, and I carried her into the bedroom to give her a good spanking for being a bad girl.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Spill it!


I got invited to a family reunion from one of my oldest, dearest friends. Went out there on Saturday, way out in the boonies! So, she had this tasty little piece of blue-eyed, 25 year old cousin, and yeah...I locked my sights on that and I was done!  I did the one thing I always swore I would never do!


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> I got invited to a family reunion from one of my oldest, dearest friends. Went out there on Saturday, way out in the boonies! So, she had this tasty little piece of blue-eyed, 25 year old cousin, and yeah...I locked my sights on that and I was done!  I did the one thing I always swore I would never do!


Sounds like you had a lot of fun!


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> I did the one thing I always swore I would never do!


 The ONS itself or some delectably lurid sex act you've never tried before?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> The ONS itself or some delectably lurid sex act you've never tried before?


The ONS itself! Had it been the other, I would have shared that, lol!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I got invited to a family reunion from one of my oldest, dearest friends. Went out there on Saturday, way out in the boonies! So, she had this tasty little piece of blue-eyed, 25 year old cousin, and yeah...I locked my sights on that and I was done!  I did the one thing I always swore I would never do!


Practice makes perfect, one night at a time....


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian an I had a good long talk last night. Re established some boundaries and established new ones. In short, I am no longer her and her girlfriends' taxi service. If they want to go out and get smashed they have to save some cash for a taxi. Agreed.
> 
> I told her if word ever got back to me that she was openly flirting with a guy, disappearing into a dark corner with a guy, touching a guy or leaves with a guy during one of her GNOs, it is game over for us. Agreed.
> 
> We re established the basic rules of exclusivity: *no texting or talking to other men on her side, same on my side for women.* She has one gay flamer buddy who she hangs with who I am fine with because he's queer as folk and a very cool dude. I trust him.
> 
> We kissed, she apologized, and I carried her into the bedroom to give her a good spanking for being a bad girl.


Good for you! Though I dare say that the bolded part above wouldn't work for me. A number of my close friends are male, and straight, and I would have a serious problem if a guy I was seeing said he didn't want me texting them anymore. These relationships are strictly platonic, and always will be; I've always had lots of male friends, and that's never going to change. So I'm guessing Syrian doesn't have any male friends?


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> No. I never blocked her either.
> 
> At worst, I'll send your videos to ratemypenis.com and have a good laugh.


You have patience. I would have blocked her in a minute.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> The ONS itself! Had it been the other, I would have shared that, lol!


You should keep some of the fun stuff just for you


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> I got invited to a family reunion from one of my oldest, dearest friends. Went out there on Saturday, way out in the boonies! So, she had this tasty little piece of blue-eyed, 25 year old cousin, and yeah...I locked my sights on that and I was done!  I did the one thing I always swore I would never do!


Wait what happened with brother of a friend? that was you right? or am I mixing you up with someone else...

Glad you enjoyed your 25 yr old


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Good for you! Though I dare say that the bolded part above wouldn't work for me. A number of my close friends are male, and straight, and I would have a serious problem if a guy I was seeing said he didn't want me texting them anymore. These relationships are strictly platonic, and always will be; I've always had lots of male friends, and that's never going to change. So I'm guessing Syrian doesn't have any male friends?


Uh uh. Doesn't sit with me. Sorry, FIP, I'm not as evolved as you. 

I wouldn't say I am barring her from talking to her male friends. She has a few. But I do want to know who they are and when she is hanging out with them. I'm a prick, but I'm not a lion tamer with her either. She knows how I feel about satellite guy friends. There's no room for me and them in the same airspace. I'm very territorial, and I get cranky. I start fights. If she wants her guy friends, she can have them. I'll move on to the next gal.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> Wait what happened with brother of a friend? that was you right? or am I mixing you up with someone else...
> 
> Glad you enjoyed your 25 yr old


Yes, that was me. He isnt ready for a relationship, story of my life.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, that was me. He isnt ready for a relationship, story of my life.


So you just engaged in a gratuitous sexual encounter with no emotions present...




Good for you.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Uh uh. Doesn't sit with me. Sorry, FIP, I'm not as evolved as you.
> 
> I wouldn't say I am barring her from talking to her male friends. She has a few. But I do want to know who they are and when she is hanging out with them. I'm a prick, but I'm not a lion tamer with her either. She knows how I feel about satellite guy friends. There's no room for me and them in the same airspace. I'm very territorial, and I get cranky. I start fights. If she wants her guy friends, she can have them. I'll move on to the next gal.


Not many people are as evolved as me!!! I kid, I kid...

But seriously, different things for different people, right? You and I would never be a good match, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate your viewpoint in this situation. (You also wouldn't have had to sit me down and had the same discussion with me that you had with the Syrian, but that's beside the point.) You find what works for you, and I find what works for me, and the two will probably never intersect


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> Not many people are as evolved as me!!! I kid, I kid...
> 
> But seriously, different things for different people, right? You and I would never be a good match, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate your viewpoint in this situation. (You also wouldn't have had to sit me down and had the same discussion with me that you had with the Syrian, but that's beside the point.) You find what works for you, and I find what works for me, and the two will probably never intersect


Yeah I don't understand the no guys as friends thing. I don't mind it. I thought I would have trust issues post divorce on that issue but I don't. I just don't see other guys as a threat as long as I am doing what I need to do. And if I don't trust a woman, then I don't trust her and I am not ever going to get into a relationship with her. 

However, I would have had trust issues had my exW. wanted to reconcile though...and precisely around this issue of other men. And I really understand how some people would be more cautious than I am because they were hurt way worse on this score than I was. If I were a woman, I would probably not want my man hanging out with other women on a regular basis or being close friends with any of them. But I'm not.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Not many people are as evolved as me!!! I kid, I kid...
> 
> But seriously, different things for different people, right? You and I would never be a good match, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate your viewpoint in this situation. (You also wouldn't have had to sit me down and had the same discussion with me that you had with the Syrian, but that's beside the point.) You find what works for you, and I find what works for me, and the two will probably never intersect


Let me qualify what I mean about no hanging out with male friends....

1). Syrian hanging out in a mixed group of female friends and old male friends to celebrate someone's birthday or somesuch in a controlled setting, where everyone knows their boundaries. OK. Got no problem with this. 

2). Syrian leaving that mixed group of old male friends and girlfriends to walk outside alone or to head to the bar with one of the old male friends to "just talk". NOT OK, unless I know beforehand and for what purpose. 

3). Syrian texting or calling male friends for just chit chat or to catch up on old times. NOT OK. 

4). Syrian texting or calling male friends for a specific reason or purpose that she has cleared with me and I know beforehand. OK. 

5). Syrian hugging, back rubbing, dirty dancing with, or flirting with old male friends behind my back. NOT OK. ( Hugging is ok as long as I'm present. ) 

6). I am held to the same standards above with old female friends. OK of course, and I hold myself to it.


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> Let me qualify what I mean about no hanging out with male friends....
> 
> 1). Syrian hanging out in a mixed group of female friends and old male friends to celebrate someone's birthday or somesuch in a controlled setting, where everyone knows their boundaries. OK. Got no problem with this.
> 
> 2). Syrian leaving that mixed group of old male friends and girlfriends to walk outside alone or to head to the bar with one of the old male friends to "just talk". NOT OK, unless I know beforehand and for what purpose.
> 
> 3). Syrian texting or calling male friends for just chit chat or to catch up on old times. NOT OK.
> 
> 4). Syrian texting or calling male friends for a specific reason or purpose that she has cleared with me and I know beforehand. OK.
> 
> 5). Syrian hugging, back rubbing, dirty dancing with, or flirting with old male friends behind my back. NOT OK. ( Hugging is ok as long as I'm present. )
> 
> 6). I am held to the same standards above with old female friends. OK of course, and I hold myself to it.


Wow. I know you've been burned and I know there's a considerable age difference, but wow. Seriously sounds like the rules my dad had when I was 16. Did you give her a curfew too? And she agreed to this? And you're still only dating right? No engagement or anything?

Different strokes I guess....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

This is why I date mature women. Even having a conversation with these type boundaries being discussed would make my head explode .

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> If I send you MB videos would you block me too?


ROFLOLOLOLING!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Wow. I know you've been burned and I know there's a considerable age difference, but wow. Seriously sounds like the rules my dad had when I was 16. Did you give her a curfew too? And she agreed to this? And you're still only dating right? No engagement or anything?
> 
> Different strokes I guess....


It's what I require. I know it's harsh sounding to you. If Syrian doesn't like it she's free to dump my ass any time. That's our agreement. I don't hang out with females without Syrians okay and she shows me the same respect.

No engagement. I'm never remarrying. 

I'm a bastard aren't I?


----------



## COGypsy

bandit.45 said:


> It's what I require. I know it's harsh sounding to you. If Syrian doesn't like it she's free to dump my ass any time. That's our agreement. I don't hang out with females without Syrians okay and she shows me the same respect.
> 
> No engagement. I'm never remarrying.
> 
> I'm a bastard aren't I?


Hey, if you're good with treating another adult that way and they're willing to put up with it, who am I to say one way or another.

I gotta say though, I thought differently of you.


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Hey, if you're good with treating another adult that way and they're willing to put up with it, who am I to say one way or another.
> 
> I gotta say though, I thought differently of you.


Sorry I let you down.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> Omg lol I love this  I would so date you.....so if you're wondering there is still hope
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think you would want to, besides butt hair I don't share my popcorn at the movies.


----------



## Nsweet

bandit.45 said:


> Let me qualify what I mean about no hanging out with male friends....
> 
> 1). Syrian hanging out in a mixed group of female friends and old male friends to celebrate someone's birthday or some such in a controlled setting, where everyone knows their boundaries. OK. Got no problem with this.
> 
> 2). Syrian leaving that mixed group of old male friends and girlfriends to walk outside alone or to *head to the bar with one of the old male friends to "just talk".* NOT OK, unless I know beforehand and for what purpose.
> 
> 3). *Syrian texting or calling male friends for just chit chat or to catch up on old times.* NOT OK.
> 
> 4). Syrian texting or calling male friends for a specific reason or purpose that *she has cleared with me and I know beforehand. *OK.
> 
> 5). *Syrian hugging, back rubbing, dirty dancing with, or flirting with old male friends behind my back.* NOT OK. ( Hugging is ok as long as I'm present. )
> 
> 6). I am held to the same standards above with old female friends. OK of course, and I hold myself to it.


I don't want to be that guy, but it sounds to me like you just listed the red flags for how Serian is going to cheat on you. 

She has poor boundaries when it comes to.... keeping private issues within the relationship, personal space and touching, inappropriate flirting and contact with friends, and herself.... She makes you hold boundaries with other woman that she doesn't hold herself with other men. 

These are all signs of someone who is emotionally immature and likely to cheat if and when it suits her. There's a certain level of narcissism and a double standard she's holding that makes it ok for her to do these things but you can't. You're obviously the one trying harder to be in this relationship.


----------



## Nsweet

FeministInPink said:


> You have patience. I would have blocked her in a minute.


Well.... She told me she could do something I had to see for myself. 

....Like Old Faithful.:smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> Well.... She told me she could do something I had to see for myself.
> 
> ....Like Old Faithful.:smthumbup:


My face right now is like  

TAM - a forum for marital advice and amateur masturbation videos. Bring your own goggles.


----------



## moxy

Nsweet said:


> I don't want to be that guy, but it sounds to me like you just listed the red flags for how Serian is going to cheat on you.
> 
> She has poor boundaries when it comes to.... keeping private issues within the relationship, personal space and touching, inappropriate flirting and contact with friends, and herself.... She makes you hold boundaries with other woman that she doesn't hold herself with other men.


Bandit did not say that Syrian actually did these things to him. He said that these were the lines he wouldn't bear being crossed. There's a difference there.

I have plenty of male friends, but I'm careful about my boundaries and even more careful and transparent when I'm with someone. That's just my personality, though. Some people need to hear what those rules or boundaries are for another person. There's nothing wrong with clearly communicating what behaviors trigger emotional turmoil. Now, if bandit were forcing her to adhere to these things, it would be a different story; instead, he's saying "these are the things that make me uncomfortable and that would make me want to leave the relationship and if you want to do those things, we can call it quits". There's no double standard, there, if he is following the same guidelines. 

In my opinion, people who have been screwed over sometimes have issues. They need to have ways to manage those issues. If another person is cool with that management system, then there is potential compatibility, but otherwise, there isn't. If I found out that Guy was seeing other women (or, getting too flirty with other women), it would change how I feel about him and I might not want to hang out with him anymore; he decided not to talk to me anymore after he saw me hanging out with a male friend over drinks and didn't even bother to ask me about it (100% platonic, by the way) -- eventually, we moved past that conversation. So, this time around, when he actually asked me to promise exclusivity (I don't know how serious he was, but I was serious when I said yes), I agreed and stuck to it; since then: no flirting with attractive male friends, no chatting up guys on my online apps, no signing on to any online apps (I should deactivate my profile, but, haven't gotten around to it), and no texting guys who have texted me to flirt. Now, I have no idea what HE is up to, but, I was willing to grant this request, so I have; we haven't texted more often, gotten together more often, or anything else, but...I feel more comfortable with letting things be because the parameters of our...whatever it is...are slightly less vague than they were before. In general, I'm willing to give in to his requests a bit more easily than he is willing to give in to mine and I suspect that while he is cool with us being autonomous, he likes to be in charge of things in the bedroom and also that he compromises only after carefully considering things; we both have trust issues, at least, if actions are any indication of reality. Is this ideal? No, but it's how things work. If I expressed a boundary and Guy trampled all over it, I'd see him differently. If I FELT a boundary and didn't express it to him and he trampled all over it, same deal. So, it would be in my best interest to express what that line is that I can't bear to see crossed. In my opinion, that's what Bandit did. It's an active form of communication and that seems to help things work more smoothly. Not only do we have to know what is and isn't acceptable for us, we have to actually express that to the people we trust and we have to determine, based on their actions, whether or not they are on board with the same stuff.



COGypsy said:


> Wow. I know you've been burned and I know there's a considerable age difference, but wow. Seriously sounds like the rules my dad had when I was 16. Did you give her a curfew too? And she agreed to this? And you're still only dating right? No engagement or anything?
> 
> Different strokes I guess....


Maybe I'm reading things differently, but if one phrases it so that it sounds like an "I statement" as opposed to a statement of "Rules", it really just sounds like what Bandit said was "It doesn't bother me that you have male friends, but please don't flirt with them or hook up with them or get overly intimate with them, and please don't go off alone with them in a way that might make cheating (physically or emotionally) seem enticing or possible." Do you think that being engaged makes a difference, with regard to expectations? Like...would this be okay for an engaged or married couple, whereas it isn't okay for a couple who is dating exclusively?


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Nsweet said:


> No. I never blocked her either.
> 
> At worst, I'll send your videos to ratemypenis.com and have a good laugh.


No, last time that happened it took me months of turning down their repetitive offers wanting to film my monster.


----------



## bandit.45

Oh I have issues y'all. Boy do I have issues. I don't force Syrian to do anything. Moxy summed it up nicely. Thank you Moxy for clarifying what I could not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Oh I have issues y'all. Boy do I have issues. I don't force Syrian to do anything. Moxy summed it up nicely. Thank you Moxy for clarifying what I could not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No problem. 

Now, if only I could use that clarity in my own life to be more open and communicative with my guy instead of terrified of rejection every time I want to talk to him....LOL


----------



## Nsweet

But you had to tell her how inappropriate it was for her to flirt with other men and badmouth you in front of your friends while you're going out of your way to do a favor for her. *Things that you shouldn't be having to say to another adult, she should already have a basic understanding of boundaries in a relationship and what is and is not appropriate.*

If this relationship was as important to her as it was to you, she would be a little more responsible with her drinking around others in high risk situations and her of her boundaries with other men. 

I mean come on, if you did these things to her would she be as mature about it as you? Would she be willing to discuss her deal breakers and boundaries and what she would like to get out of this relationship like you are doing? I would just hate to see you get hurt overlooking these redflags and making excuses for her.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Rather early for such exclusivity don't you think? Ex and I had our own system for OSFs; any guy I don't like she dumps, any woman she doesn't like I dump. But she can talk to anyone she likes, and so could I. Yet even that was years into our relationship before such a predicament.

Meh, but whatever floats your boat I guess, if it works for you both then all good


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I spent the day with three kids at an amusement park. Upside down roller coaster, antigravity rides, really bad food (sausage, fried dough, cotton candy) I might have a beer and call it good. 

Now if only I could find a grown up to do things like this every once in a while (and other things too) life would be good. I always have a great time with the kids but it seems adults just want to have some kind of therapy talk whenever we get together (i.e. date.) 

So the real question here is, guys or ladies who had long marriages and are now dating, what do you talk about when people talk about experiences and such? I went out with a guy who had been in a not so great marriage for 22 years and had not really done anything he enjoyed (outdoor sports, camping, etc.) which seemed odd to me because I have married friends whose spouses don't do those things and they do them and the spouse supports it...then he was partnered for 2 years, and now has been single for 6 months. So there really wasn't a lot he could talk about and I really didn't want to hear about his marriage or his partnership of two years. 

Now when I'm with the kids, it seems we just talk about our current environment, what we're going to do, whether we're hungry, whether we are liking what we're doing, we make comments about each other, we might talk about school or work or some other experience but not in great depth or any kind of deep psychoanalysis about it. Or we might remark on something that's happening or just happened in our environment. And talk about what we're going to do next time we get together, what activities we're enrolled in or going to do on our own, etc. Point is, we don't really struggle to find anything to talk about. And it is interesting and relevant. But get together with an adult and it seems like they want to talk about personal histories, which is a little weird. Maybe it's because the one kid my kids and I are friends with was adopted and I lost my family so we are not really backwards thinkers, we move forward and stay out of the past, it has to be left behind. But try to do this with a date and it doesn't fly too well. What's wrong with a date being a date, and just getting to know the specifics about someone's past later on. Does it really matter so much? I hate the Q&A!!!! I've half a mind, maybe more to tell the next date it's none of their business, I don't talk about my past, the past is the past. If they don't like it then move on. I hate sullying my present by having to bring up my past. And I end up not really liking my date because he wants details or explanations that are really too complex for a first or second date. UGH.

As for 22 years, that's not me. When I realized I was in a bad relationship, I went to a counselor and all three times was told to leave. Hanging on is not my style, I read the writing on the wall, spent my childhood living in bad conditions and vowed I would not do it as an adult, and haven't. I've had good relationships too, those ended by parting ways due to kids or unsuitable for each other on a day to day basis, one guy could not really get over his racism or distance (job assignments in different places...) So a lot of my life I've been free more or less to do as I please and things are fairly easy going. But I've had loads of experiences traveling around, I mean, I've been on my own since I was 16 and am now 50 so that's a lot of experiences compared to someone who has been married/partnered for 25 years.

When I meet someone who has been single for a long time, I don't ask for all of the details, I know better. A brief run down is great at the beginning, then as I get to know the person, the details get filled in, or they don't and it doesn't really matter so long as we get along and are friends in the present tense and have our own history over time. I've known people for 20 years and still finding out new things about them. It's fun that way.


----------



## Nsweet




----------



## whitehawk

I want that sign :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I spent the day with three kids at an amusement park. Upside down roller coaster, antigravity rides, really bad food (sausage, fried dough, cotton candy) I might have a beer and call it good.
> 
> Now if only I could find a grown up to do things like this every once in a while (and other things too) life would be good. I always have a great time with the kids but it seems adults just want to have some kind of therapy talk whenever we get together (i.e. date.)
> 
> So the real question here is, guys or ladies who had long marriages and are now dating, what do you talk about when people talk about experiences and such? I went out with a guy who had been in a not so great marriage for 22 years and had not really done anything he enjoyed (outdoor sports, camping, etc.) which seemed odd to me because I have married friends whose spouses don't do those things and they do them and the spouse supports it...then he was partnered for 2 years, and now has been single for 6 months. So there really wasn't a lot he could talk about and I really didn't want to hear about his marriage or his partnership of two years.
> 
> Now when I'm with the kids, it seems we just talk about our current environment, what we're going to do, whether we're hungry, whether we are liking what we're doing, we make comments about each other, we might talk about school or work or some other experience but not in great depth or any kind of deep psychoanalysis about it. Or we might remark on something that's happening or just happened in our environment. And talk about what we're going to do next time we get together, what activities we're enrolled in or going to do on our own, etc. Point is, we don't really struggle to find anything to talk about. And it is interesting and relevant. But get together with an adult and it seems like they want to talk about personal histories, which is a little weird. Maybe it's because the one kid my kids and I are friends with was adopted and I lost my family so we are not really backwards thinkers, we move forward and stay out of the past, it has to be left behind. But try to do this with a date and it doesn't fly too well. What's wrong with a date being a date, and just getting to know the specifics about someone's past later on. Does it really matter so much? I hate the Q&A!!!! I've half a mind, maybe more to tell the next date it's none of their business, I don't talk about my past, the past is the past. If they don't like it then move on. I hate sullying my present by having to bring up my past. And I end up not really liking my date because he wants details or explanations that are really too complex for a first or second date. UGH.
> 
> As for 22 years, that's not me. When I realized I was in a bad relationship, I went to a counselor and all three times was told to leave. Hanging on is not my style, I read the writing on the wall, spent my childhood living in bad conditions and vowed I would not do it as an adult, and haven't. I've had good relationships too, those ended by parting ways due to kids or unsuitable for each other on a day to day basis, one guy could not really get over his racism or distance (job assignments in different places...) So a lot of my life I've been free more or less to do as I please and things are fairly easy going. But I've had loads of experiences traveling around, I mean, I've been on my own since I was 16 and am now 50 so that's a lot of experiences compared to someone who has been married/partnered for 25 years.
> 
> When I meet someone who has been single for a long time, I don't ask for all of the details, I know better. A brief run down is great at the beginning, then as I get to know the person, the details get filled in, or they don't and it doesn't really matter so long as we get along and are friends in the present tense and have our own history over time. I've known people for 20 years and still finding out new things about them. It's fun that way.


It's always wierd to me when I read stuff like when should we talk about this or the stuff or bla bla .And I get that's not exactly what your sayin , just sayin.
Me I just find it comes out from both sides, it just does. Every girl I've met we've ended up both talking about all our crap , sometimes within minutes. Not in a bad or go on and on type of way , we just do. 
I'm told I'm great to talk to and they just feel relaxed with me which I know the right people always have with me , not all people though. Maybe it's that or maybe it's that l tend to look for that in a girl to bc l do like chilled , dunno.
But l don't mind it really , it's never been an on and on type thing from me or them , just stuff amongst heaps of other stuff l dunno.
l think it's pretty natural if you get along that [email protected] only naturally going to be amongst it all.
But some girls have complained about other guys sorta going on the way your describing which l could understand for sure and that's way different to what l'm talking about.
Have had girls just ask me point blank though even in out first one or two contacts , what happened , who left who , bla bla.
But I haven't really had anyone again , asking it or poking about in the way your talking about , or going on and on about theirs in that way so it's been cool with me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok Dating Online/Phone gurus:

You've been out with someone five-ish times, seem to have a good time, are in contact nearly daily, feel attraction. You notice they are still on the dating site. You are too (I mean, that's how you know they logged on). So...keep going out with them or not? Keep them as a friend? What do you do?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Ok Dating Online/Phone gurus:
> 
> You've been out with someone five-ish times, seem to have a good time, are in contact nearly daily, feel attraction. You notice they are still on the dating site. You are too (I mean, that's how you know they logged on). So...keep going out with them or not? Keep them as a friend? What do you do?


I would switch the contact to once a week and whenever they want to go out. I wouldn't be in daily contact if dating others. Daily contact or near daily contact for me is like first three days of showing interest, and then later after dating if we decide we want something long term. If you're both interested in dating others right now, then you need to give each other mutual space. They have every right to be on a dating site as often as they want to, and to date and contact others, and so do you.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Ok Dating Online/Phone gurus:
> 
> You've been out with someone five-ish times, seem to have a good time, are in contact nearly daily, feel attraction. You notice they are still on the dating site. You are too (I mean, that's how you know they logged on). So...keep going out with them or not? Keep them as a friend? What do you do?



Keep dating and see what happens. Just keep your emotions in check and be realistic. It's still early. It's not a big deal to be on a dating site until there's been some discussion about not seeing others. After that talk...maybe a bad idea.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ok Dating Online/Phone gurus:
> 
> You've been out with someone five-ish times, seem to have a good time, are in contact nearly daily, feel attraction. You notice they are still on the dating site. You are too (I mean, that's how you know they logged on). So...keep going out with them or not? Keep them as a friend? What do you do?


Funny , I've left mine on right through , but then l ain't no guru so I dunno if that's the done thing or not.
But to me , a wk or two is only natural at the start. These date site things seem to have a way a way of disintegrating so I figure a few wks is fine and at the very least there's loose ends and contacts to tidy up if you are hooking up anyway , alltakes time.
Whether they're clocking on straight after talking to us to see what else is still around though well , l guess that's not too encouraging.
If there's a way to tell how long they were on for and it's still hours on end then , not a good sign.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Oh I have issues y'all. Boy do I have issues. I don't force Syrian to do anything. Moxy summed it up nicely. Thank you Moxy for clarifying what I could not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm right there with you Bandit. We are about on the same line of thinking. Its not a control issue at all either, they don't like it then they can walk I'm not holding anyone. You stay because you want to and yes sometimes those comfort lines that can't be crossed need to be discussed because some people just don't know or understand. 
Its pretty simple to me, you don't like what I need fine with me we are through and if I don't like what you do that's fine also cause I guess I don't like you anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy

moxy said:


> Maybe I'm reading things differently, but if one phrases it so that it sounds like an "I statement" as opposed to a statement of "Rules", it really just sounds like what Bandit said was "It doesn't bother me that you have male friends, but please don't flirt with them or hook up with them or get overly intimate with them, and please don't go off alone with them in a way that might make cheating (physically or emotionally) seem enticing or possible." Do you think that being engaged makes a difference, with regard to expectations? Like...would this be okay for an engaged or married couple, whereas it isn't okay for a couple who is dating exclusively?


Asking someone to be considerate of your past experiences is one thing. Requiring that conversations be pre-approved for participants and subject matters is entirely different. That stinks of power and control. 

But that's also super-reflective of the tone this whole place has taken in the last few months. It seems more and more like some kind of BDSM training ground and boot camp for batterers than a place for people looking to make better choices in their relationships. Even in the more social areas, I have more people on ignore than I have visible, so I think that I've probably just reached my expiration date here.

Best of luck, gang!


----------



## Jellybeans

Hopefully you don't stay away too long, COG, but I agree there is a lot of WEIRD shlt in the water here lately at TAM. There's also a lot of anti-women thinking going on.


----------



## Another Planet

Sorry to hear that COgypsy :/, I don't think anyone is taking a stab at you. We are just discussing things we prefer as a person, no different then a woman saying she prefers a niner over a sixer some guys might be insulted but its not like we should be cause it is another's persons preference.
It obviously touched a nerve but no one is telling you how to be. If you prefer it that way then good for you 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Hopefully you don't stay away too long, COG, but I agree there is a lot of WEIRD shlt in the water here lately at TAM. There's also a lot of anti-women thinking going on.


Really? Here at the singles or the rest of the site...cause I haven't left this thread in a while so I have no idea what's going on out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans, I agree that there is often a lot of misogyny and excessively conservative behavior around here, sometimes. 

I do like that there is a lot of diversity of opinion, though. And, that people are interested in thinking about factors involved in relationships. 

COG -- to be clear, I'm not advocating any kind of control to the extent that you summed up. I doubt Bandit is going to say "hey, that was not a pre-approved conversation!", but asking for transparency -- as in, "hey, keep me in the loop and be transparent about your intentions, please" likely came out sounding that way. That's just my assumption, though. IMO, power play is fun in the bedroom, but I am not cool with asking anyone's permission to be an independent adult. I also don't think that what works for me works for everyone, or vice versa. I can't help but feel that your blanket rejection of TAM has to do with what I said, because you quoted it; I hope not, but I just wanted to clarify that I am not advocating any kind of battery or control. Without trust and freedom, life feels like a jail. Sometimes, building that trust means awkward phases, though.


----------



## unsure78

Jellybeans said:


> Ok Dating Online/Phone gurus:
> 
> You've been out with someone five-ish times, seem to have a good time, are in contact nearly daily, feel attraction. You notice they are still on the dating site. You are too (I mean, that's how you know they logged on). So...keep going out with them or not? Keep them as a friend? What do you do?


Until you have the "exclusivity talk" people usually keep the profile up... yea I would keep going out with him...my cut off is usually somewhere closer to 1 to 2 months of dating before having the "talk"..

ooo who is this gentleman?????


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Really? Here at the singles or the rest of the site...cause I haven't left this thread in a while so I have no idea what's going on out there.


Mainly outside of this thread.



unsure78 said:


> Until you have the "exclusivity talk" people usually keep the profile up... yea I would keep going out with him...my cut off is usually somewhere closer to 1 to 2 months of dating before having the "talk"..
> 
> ooo who is this gentleman?????


Good advice.

Oh just some lad.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> COG -- to be clear, I'm not advocating any kind of control to the extent that you summed up. I doubt Bandit is going to say "hey, that was not a pre-approved conversation!", but asking for transparency -- as in, "hey, keep me in the loop and be transparent about your intentions, please" likely came out sounding that way. That's just my assumption, though. IMO, power play is fun in the bedroom, but I am not cool with asking anyone's permission to be an independent adult. I also don't think that what works for me works for everyone, or vice versa. I can't help but feel that your blanket rejection of TAM has to do with what I said, because you quoted it; I hope not, but I just wanted to clarify that I am not advocating any kind of battery or control. Without trust and freedom, life feels like a jail. Sometimes, building that trust means awkward phases, though.


All you have to do is read half a page of threads here on TAM to see how HUGE of a problem EA's and inappropriate contact are. If you are on this forum, there is no pleading ignorance to this fact. Bandit has been betrayed, he knows this game, and is very much right to request these boundaries. Does it suck that this needs to happen? Yep. But there is no ignoring how easy it is these days for people to sneak around, making it way too easy for things to get out of hand.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I think Hot Fireman and I are finished. Something changed for him last week, and I don't know what it was, and I don't think that I will (though I have some theories). He's stood me up twice (citing transportation issues, he's car-sharing with his mom and the moment), and he's become evasive/less responsive with his communication (despite the fact that he finally got his phone fixed, so now we can text and call, which we couldn't do before).

Last night, he stood me up (despite the fact that I offered to drive the 45 minutes to where he is and hang out there instead, since he was having transportation issues); he didn't respond to my texts; he didn't call me back when he said he would; and he didn't answer the phone when I tried calling him multiple times.

So I texted him last night:










And here is the following exchange from this morning:


























It's no real surprise that almost 4 hrs later, he still hasn't called me back. That went from a fvck yes to a fvck no pretty damn quick.

At least I got some sex out of it, but I almost prefer that I hadn't... because now I remember what sex feels like, and now I remember what I am missing.


----------



## ne9907

I am late to the party yet again.
I think Bandit's expectations are reasonable. Most people who care about each other do these things without havign to enumerate them or voice them at all.

Call me crazy, I would not want my man to be flirting all over town with other women. PERIOD. COMMA. EXCLAMATION POINT. BAH. I AM STRESSED OUT.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> So, I think Hot Fireman and I are finished. Something changed for him last week, and I don't know what it was, and I don't think that I will (though I have some theories). He's stood me up twice (citing transportation issues, he's car-sharing with his mom and the moment), and he's become evasive/less responsive with his communication (despite the fact that he finally got his phone fixed, so now we can text and call, which we couldn't do before).
> 
> Last night, he stood me up (despite the fact that I offered to drive the 45 minutes to where he is and hang out there instead, since he was having transportation issues); he didn't respond to my texts; he didn't call me back when he said he would; and he didn't answer the phone when I tried calling him multiple times.
> 
> It's no real surprise that almost 4 hrs later, he still hasn't called me back. That went from a fvck yes to a fvck no pretty damn quick.
> 
> At least I got some sex out of it, but I almost prefer that I hadn't... because now I remember what sex feels like, and now I remember what I am missing.


Well hell, FIP, WTF?? He for sure owes you an explanation!


----------



## bandit.45

COGypsy said:


> Asking someone to be considerate of your past experiences is one thing. Requiring that conversations be pre-approved for participants and subject matters is entirely different. That stinks of power and control.
> 
> But that's also super-reflective of the tone this whole place has taken in the last few months. It seems more and more like some kind of BDSM training ground and boot camp for batterers than a place for people looking to make better choices in their relationships. Even in the more social areas, I have more people on ignore than I have visible, so I think that I've probably just reached my expiration date here.
> 
> Best of luck, gang!



Man. I feel bad now. Don't understand why my love life is so controversial.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Well hell, FIP, WTF?? He for sure owes you an explanation!


It is unlikely that I'll get one. He clearly avoids conflict. Or he's avoiding me. Whatever, his issues.


----------



## Another Planet

FIP...I would take that as a huge sign. Honestly for a grown man that is way to many excuses. Sounds to me like he is covering something up. Is there a possibility you were just involved in an affair? Who is everyone when he said everyone is sleeping?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Man. I feel bad now. Don't understand why my love life is so controversial.


Bandit dont you dare feel bad for setting boundaries.


----------



## ne9907

oksy I havent read all your message FIP because I am kinda busy, but I am so very sorry 

He is obviously not worth your time, since he doesnt even bother to communicate with you. NEXT!


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> FIP...I would take that as a huge sign. Honestly for a grown man that is way to many excuses. Sounds to me like he is covering something up. Is there a possibility you were just involved in an affair? Who is everyone when he said everyone is sleeping?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's definitely not an affair. I met his mom, as well as several aunts and uncles two weeks ago. So, two weeks ago, he thought we were going to be together for a while.

He had a messy break-up several months ago, and she fvcked him over financially. He's temporarily staying with his mom until he gets sh!t sorted out, and I think her boyfriend lives there, too. Fireman and the boyfriend don't get along very well, so there's some tension there.

EDIT: And you're right, way too many excuses. There were some other yellow flags, and I was willing to give him a chance to demonstrate that they weren't issues. And he is just failing miserably. He said once that one of his supervisors said that he had a way of setting everything in his personal life on fire... this is becoming very clear. He's a sweet guy, but he's a fvcking mess.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> So, I think Hot Fireman and I are finished. Something changed for him last week, and I don't know what it was, and I don't think that I will (though I have some theories). He's stood me up twice (citing transportation issues, he's car-sharing with his mom and the moment), and he's become evasive/less responsive with his communication (despite the fact that he finally got his phone fixed, so now we can text and call, which we couldn't do before).
> 
> Last night, he stood me up (despite the fact that I offered to drive the 45 minutes to where he is and hang out there instead, since he was having transportation issues); he didn't respond to my texts; he didn't call me back when he said he would; and he didn't answer the phone when I tried calling him multiple times.
> 
> So I texted him last night:



Loved that response. And ew. Be done with him. Seriously, he sucks. The comment about "Ok nice meeting you" after you stood up for yourself shows he's passive-aggressive and didn't even explain himself. You called him 10 times? Girl, don't waste one more phone call on him. Don't keep negotiating meeting up with him - he's shown his true colors.

Sounds like he started all hot and cooled. It happens. My advice is to throw this one back in the pond and keep fishing. Sounds like he either lost interest or there's someone else or he's not that into you.

Sucks, right?

But you're better off. It really irks me when people completely blow someone off. GRR


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> . I met his mom, as well as several aunts and uncles two weeks ago. So, two weeks ago, he thought we were going to be together for a while.
> 
> .


I dont understand how some people introduce their SO to their family members right off the bat. Personally, I would not do that. Do these people feel that meeting the family is not very important?
Or is meeting family a trivial thing in the dating world?

Just be glad you are out of the relationship early. I am sure you have learned something and I bet the sex was great!!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I dont understand how some people introduce their SO to their family members right off the bat. Personally, I would not do that. Do these people feel that meeting the family is not very important?
> Or is meeting family a trivial thing in the dating world?


In my world, I have been offered to meet the mom very fairly on. It's actually pretty comical how many times it's happened. I'd never do that so early on. But some people don't view it as others do.



ne9907 said:


> Just be glad you are out of the relationship early. I am sure you have learned something and I bet the sex was great!!


Agree with Ne 100%. Better to find out he's a guy who won't even bother responding to you early on versus later. Cut ties and move on, chick.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> That would not be something I would ever do. The last thing I want is for you to meet my family!


Totally agree.


----------



## Another Planet

Some of us are a living testament to how fvckd life can be. We know all to well that if there is a will there is a way. Come on, my wife had her affair going underneath both their spouses noses for 2 fvckn years(maybe more) and I ONLY found proof by accident because she got sloppy and then lucked out by a few involved parties confessing everything to me because they felt terrible. His wife still doesn't know the truth. 
She even handed her phone to me multiple times and said "go ahead go through my phone I have nothing to hide"...what I did not know is she had a secret phone and a email address she used for work so I never would have found out. People can pull off some pretty crazy ****, it's your job to read the signs and put up your boundaries.

IMO a partner should have never no problem making your SO feel comfortable, and defiantly should not feel insulted by boundaries. This is not a locking someone in a box situation, that is very wrong and abusive. If a person wants to live a certain way so be it, if they want to live the single life and be in a relationship with me it's not happening.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Loved that response. And ew. Be done with him. Seriously, he sucks. The comment about "Ok nice meeting you" after you stood up for yourself shows he's passive-aggressive and didn't even explain himself. You called him 10 times? Girl, don't waste one more phone call on him. Don't keep negotiating meeting up with him - he's show his true colors.
> 
> Sounds like he started all hot and cooled. It happens. My advice is to throw this one back in the pond and keep fishing. Sounds like he either lost interest or there's someone else or he's not that into you.
> 
> Sucks, right?
> 
> But you're better off. It really irks me when people completely blow someone off. GRR


To be fair to myself, the last several calls were when I was drunk and really pissed off, and I wanted nothing more than to ***** him out 

Yeah, I couldn't believe his response. "Nice meeting you." Seriously, that is the best you can do??? And that was real nice how he said, "Sorry you feel there's some bullsh!t going on." That's like a 9 or 10 on the apology scale. Give me a fvcking break.

I figure he met someone else, and wanted to see if anything could happen with this other person, while keeping me on the back-burner as a backup. Him losing interest or him just not being into me don't compute, not so abruptly like that. Well, I'm nobody's back-up plan or second choice.

His loss. I just wish he could have been honest and direct with me. And I need someone who can do that, so he obviously doesn't cut the mustard.

I really liked him, but I also went into this assuming it wasn't going to work out long-term. (Every relationship ends, until you find one that doesn't, right?) I just wanted it to last longer than it did so I could have a little more fun. I figured the universe owed me at least 2 or 3 months of amazing sex. That doesn't make this suck any less.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I dont understand how some people introduce their SO to their family members right off the bat. Personally, I would not do that. Do these people feel that meeting the family is not very important?
> Or is meeting family a trivial thing in the dating world?
> 
> Just be glad you are out of the relationship early. I am sure you have learned something and I bet the sex was great!!


I think the meet was more circumstantial than intentional. We had planned to spend the weekend together, and then his aunt decided to have this party, so we went for a little bit before heading to my place. 

Yeah, glad I figured all this out before I married him!!! :rofl:

The sex WAS great. I'm gonna miss that. I'm really gonna miss that.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I'm nobody's back-up plan or second choice.


Indeed. 



FeministInPink said:


> I figured the universe owed me at least 2 or 3 months of amazing sex.


:rofl:



FeministInPink said:


> The sex WAS great. I'm gonna miss that. I'm really gonna miss that.


The cool thing about sex is that you can have great sex with someone else again.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> To be fair to myself, the last several calls were when I was drunk and really pissed off, and I wanted nothing more than to ***** him out
> 
> Yeah, I couldn't believe his response. "Nice meeting you." Seriously, that is the best you can do??? And that was real nice how he said, "Sorry you feel there's some bullsh!t going on." That's like a 9 or 10 on the apology scale. Give me a fvcking break.
> 
> I figure he met someone else, and wanted to see if anything could happen with this other person, while keeping me on the back-burner as a backup. Him losing interest or him just not being into me don't compute, not so abruptly like that. Well, I'm nobody's back-up plan or second choice.
> 
> His loss. I just wish he could have been honest and direct with me. And I need someone who can do that, so he obviously doesn't cut the mustard.
> 
> I really liked him, but I also went into this assuming it wasn't going to work out long-term. (Every relationship ends, until you find one that doesn't, right?) I just wanted it to last longer than it did so I could have a little more fun. I figured the universe owed me at least 2 or 3 months of amazing sex. That doesn't make this suck any less.


If he was burned by someone just a few months before dating you, and also still suffering the consequences on that, I agree, definitely just a short term thing or even just casual dating. Does not seem to me someone would be available or ready for LTR in that short a period of time. In the back of his mind, maybe he was thinking he would find someone to move in with, and you were not that person. I love living in a smallish apartment. There is no room here for anyone but myself, my kids and our pets.


----------



## Jellybeans

True. It may be that he wasn't over his ex.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> True. It may be that he wasn't over his ex.


Do you ever truly get over the pain inflicted from really really bad betrayal? Or multiple betrayals? 

Sometimes I feel like I will never feel like it's not just around the corner. That sooner or later it just happens. Hopefully it's true and time heals all wounds, it would be nice to actually have faith and full trust.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> The cool thing about sex is that you can have great sex with someone else again.


The problem is that I have to FIND somebody else. And I feel like my body type is working against me. Fireman was a hot guy who specifically likes bigger gals like myself.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Do you ever truly get over the pain inflicted from really really bad betrayal? Or multiple betrayals?
> 
> Sometimes I feel like I will never feel like it's not just around the corner. That sooner or later it just happens. Hopefully it's true and time heals all wounds, it would be nice to actually have faith and full trust.


I think some scars stay with us. SO while we may never ge fully "over" it - we work through it and find new experiences. I think once you've been throuh a divorce/betrayal, you are always kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop - and/or just more realistic about love/and the fact that shlt, bad shlt can happen. You can't un-experience it again. You know? And I do'nt think that's necessarily bad because it makes you stronger, wiser, bolder in your boundaries/choices/more aware of red flags/less wiling to put up with bullsh*t. Silver lining in all the mess.



FeministInPink said:


> The problem is that I have to FIND somebody else. And I feel like my body type is working against me. Fireman was a hot guy who specifically likes bigger gals like myself.


Change your attitude, FIP. You will find someone else but not as long as you keep trying to meet up with Fireman. et back online or wherever and meet some hot dudes.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Do you ever truly get over the pain inflicted from really really bad betrayal? Or multiple betrayals?
> 
> Sometimes I feel like I will never feel like it's not just around the corner. That sooner or later it just happens. Hopefully it's true and time heals all wounds, it would be nice to actually have faith and full trust.


I really hope we will be able to truly let go of betrayals and be able to trust again.

AP, are you okay? You seem to be feeling down and your usually insightful and cheery disposition is a bit clouded.

Just remember that we are here for you. We all are walking our own path, we stumble, we get lost, we may even be fearful, but we keep walking and one day we will all reach our destination.
One day, we will be free of all mistrust! 
hugs AP!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> The problem is that I have to FIND somebody else. And I feel like my body type is working against me. Fireman was a hot guy who specifically likes bigger gals like myself.


STOP this mentality right this moment!

Please stop it, Embrace yourself. If there is something you do not like about yourself change it (if it is within your means).
For example, I had always been at odds with my height. I did not like being short. I felt it trapped me, it excluded me from many other things I could accomplish in life.
Well, I am turning away from this negative mentality. I need to embrace my shortness and love me.

Yeah, short men do not like me so I have to content with tall men.
For example, blue eyes is freakishly tall! But I know he is really attracted to me. So there you go. Love yourself, do not pity your body, change it if you can, if not embrace it!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I really hope we will be able to truly let go of betrayals and be able to trust again.
> 
> AP, are you okay? You seem to be feeling down and your usually insightful and cheery disposition is a bit clouded.
> 
> Just remember that we are here for you. We all are walking our own path, we stumble, we get lost, we may even be fearful, but we keep walking and one day we will all reach our destination.
> One day, we will be free of all mistrust!
> hugs AP!


 caught me...yes something did happen. I am not sure I am ready to talk about it. Maybe later today or some other time.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well we are here for you when you are ready.



I will have my jellybeans ready to pelt at anyone who has hurt you.

That's what friends are fooooooooooor. Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If he was burned by someone just a few months before dating you, and also still suffering the consequences on that, I agree, definitely just a short term thing or even just casual dating. Does not seem to me someone would be available or ready for LTR in that short a period of time. *In the back of his mind, maybe he was thinking he would find someone to move in with, and you were not that person.* I love living in a smallish apartment. There is no room here for anyone but myself, my kids and our pets.


Maybe, that wouldn't surprise me. And I made it clear that my place is mine, and I don't have any plans to co-habitate again anytime soon.

I did some Facebook timeline investigation this past weekend (piecing together little clues based on who commented what on his photos when, and when he re-located at various times), and I came to two conclusions: 1) he moves from relationship to relationship quickly, with at most 2-3 months between each relationship, but usually less, and 2) his relationships move _*quickly*_. As in his last ex, he moved in with her and was referring to her as "the misses" (and her kids as his, as in "I have a 4-y.o. who would love this") within 6 months. They were engaged when they broke up, but I wasn't able to eek out a specific date on that.



Jellybeans said:


> True. It may be that he wasn't over his ex.


I think this may have something to do with it... he saw her on Tuesday (she took him to small claims court over $32), and after that was when things started getting hinky. Whether he's not over her, or not over the sh!t she put him through, I don't know, but it doesn't really matter. Either way, he has some issues of his own that he needs to deal with, but won't.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> caught me...yes something did happen. I am not sure I am ready to talk about it. Maybe later today or some other time.


extra hugs! Bear hugs! I shall not break your ribs


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> caught me...yes something did happen. I am not sure I am ready to talk about it. Maybe later today or some other time.


*hugs* We love you, AP, and we're here for you, whenever you are ready.


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> I think some scars stay with us. SO while we may never ge fully "over" it - we work through it and find new experiences. I think once you've been throuh a divorce/betrayal, you are always kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop - and/or just more realistic about love/and the fact that shlt, bad shlt can happen. You can't un-experience it again. You know? And I do'nt think that's necessarily bad because it makes you stronger, wiser, bolder in your boundaries/choices/more aware of red flags/less wiling to put up with bullsh*t. Silver lining in all the mess.


That's the problem too, with awareness/paranoia/less willingness to put up with bullsh-t, standards for new relationships may skyrocket to unrealistic heights. May even start forgetting that people are, after all, imperfect human beings.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> Do you ever truly get over the pain inflicted from really really bad betrayal? Or multiple betrayals?
> 
> Sometimes I feel like I will never feel like it's not just around the corner. That sooner or later it just happens. Hopefully it's true and time heals all wounds, it would be nice to actually have faith and full trust.


Yes. But a lot of people hold onto them. Because they define their experience and explain how they are where they are now, emotionally, physically, financially. 

For instance, when talking about their experiences, they will refer to it as "my divorce" or "the divorce" often coupling it as a divider time-wise (before the/my divorce, after the/my divorce, whereas when they truly let go of it they will refer to their past marriage or relationship, or just say, back when I was... instead of referring to pre-/post- divorce period. Same thing with betrayal or some kind of significant traumatic event. I noticed I stopped referring to my brain injury that way some time in the past few months. It's become a non-issue/non-event non-trauma absorbed into my overall life experience. 

When they've done things to result in the life that they now own/live and are satisfied with that end result, they don't really use the event or time stamp as a defining factor. They have in effect "let it go." When someone says the words 'my divorce' I immediately understand this person is not ready to date. They are still identified with the divorce, rather than any forward thinking relationship, or the present. Their present is still interpreted through the lens of this past event. 

If someone asked me about my divorce, I have to think a few moments...divorce? What divorce? Oh yes, I was married and to someone who is still thinking in terms of divorce, I'm expected to be holding on to that event that was 3 years ago after a one-year abusive marriage where fortunately my ex was overseas most of the time. The question leaves me temporarily groping into blank space. That's how it feels to be over something.

Same thing with son's spinal stuff...I remember the surgery vaguely and that it was a turning point that made life after it much much easier and life before it where I was simply coping seem like a living h*ll in retrospect. Now I'm like, hmmmm, son's early childhood...all of the overflow incontinence isn't what first comes to mind, in fact most of it was just pleasant day to day stuff I tried to do after I was done coping with all the literal cr*p that had to be coped with. Some kind of period of pleasant business with raising young children, not living life with a kid with a disability. 

But I do think how you get over things really depends on how well you coped with what was happening at the time. If like me you are a person who tends to ground themselves through every day activities and simple stuff like bicycling or listening to the wind or birds, then you have that connection to your past that can be used to mend stuff. I also went to a Shaman to have the past healed. But for that you have to believe in Shamanism, actually you don't it will work anyhow, because it's based on the laws of nature and consciousness. 

If you want to get over something, you will. If you want to hold on to it, you'll do that too. Somewhere along the line a person has to make a commitment to the fear of letting go, or the fear of hanging on...forever....

A simple start that is helpful is to stop referring to ownership of the event "my brain injury" "my divorce" or even naming it. Naming something gives it power. Just refer to other things, like your dreams, your own positive behavior in relationships in general, hold onto things that are lasting. Let the other things become invisible. That doesn't mean they're not there, but you're just not going to give them any power.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I think some scars stay with us. SO while we may never ge fully "over" it - we work through it and find new experiences. I think once you've been throuh a divorce/betrayal, you are always kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop - and/or just more realistic about love/and the fact that shlt, bad shlt can happen. You can't un-experience it again. You know? And I do'nt think that's necessarily bad because it makes you stronger, wiser, bolder in your boundaries/choices/more aware of red flags/less wiling to put up with bullsh*t. Silver lining in all the mess.
> 
> Change your attitude, FIP. You will find someone else but not as long as you keep trying to meet up with Fireman. et back online or wherever and meet some hot dudes.


I'm not going to keep trying to meet up with Fireman. I'm done with him. Last straw.

At the very least, the best thing that I got out of this... he made me feel beautiful and sexy for the first time in a very, VERY long time. Not only that, but a gorgeous, sexy man found me attractive, not a schlub like my XH.

That has actually boosted my confidence a LOT, and makes the return to dating a little less terrifying.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> STOP this mentality right this moment!
> 
> Please stop it, Embrace yourself. If there is something you do not like about yourself change it (if it is within your means).
> For example, I had always been at odds with my height. I did not like being short. I felt it trapped me, it excluded me from many other things I could accomplish in life.
> Well, I am turning away from this negative mentality. I need to embrace my shortness and love me.
> 
> Yeah, short men do not like me so I have to content with tall men.
> For example, blue eyes is freakishly tall! But I know he is really attracted to me. So there you go. Love yourself, do not pity your body, change it if you can, if not embrace it!


I appreciate this, Ne, and it's something I'm working on. It's not the easiest thing, de-programming the self-loathing that my mother worked so hard to instill in me, but I'm working on it.

I also live in one of the fittest, gym-obsessed cities in the country. It's not easy.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I appreciate this, Ne, and it's something I'm working on. It's not the easiest thing, de-programming the self-loathing that my mother worked so hard to instill in me, but I'm working on it.
> .


No kidding!

About 21 years ago, my sisters were laughing at me because of what one of her boyfriend at the time said about me
He said that I was "short, fat, and ugly" and he would never liked me.

I carried those words with me forever and ever until someone pointed out to me that those words were the root of all my insecurities.

I am not 100% at loving myself but I am getting there. Heck! Now, I think that I could totally land Aaron Rodgers if he was merely human... he is only 6'2" after all haha :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I did some Facebook timeline investigation this past weekend (piecing together little clues based on who commented what on his photos when, and when he re-located at various times),


:rofl: Women really should run the CIA. Because we really have a knack for finding out URRYTHING. LOL.



FeministInPink said:


> a1) he moves from relationship to relationship quickly
> 
> and 2) his relationships move _*quickly*_.


Both which are red flags.



FeministInPink said:


> I'm not going to keep trying to meet up with Fireman. I'm done with him. Last straw.


Good on ya. :smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> At the very least, the best thing that I got out of this... he made me feel beautiful and sexy for the first time in a very, VERY long time. Not only that, but a gorgeous, sexy man found me attractive, not a schlub like my XH.
> 
> That has actually boosted my confidence a LOT, and makes the return to dating a little less terrifying.


AWESOME!


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Bandit dont you dare feel bad for setting boundaries.


Now everyone here thinks I'm an ogre. I'm not. I'm actually one of the most laid back boyfriends a gal could have. I just want any woman I date exclusively to show me some fvcking respect, both when she is with me and when we are apart. 

If Syrian were to call me up and say "Bandit, an old guy friend from out of town is here and wants to meet me for coffee. He's gone through a rough patch recently and needs someone to talk to. I'm meeting him for coffee at 11:30 and I'm going back to work at 1:00 pm. Do you mind?" 

I would say "no, enjoy your coffee, talk at you later". Then I could decide if I wanted to just trust her or follow up by calling her at her office at 1:30 pm. I have no desire to keep her from old friends.

Now if she met him without telling me, and I just happened to go by that same coffee shop while they were sitting there, how awkward would that be? Then she and I would be enmeshed in arguing for the next three days. 

All I ask is that she show me a little consideration by letting me know beforehand. 9 times out of 10 I'm not going to care.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> All you have to do is read half a page of threads here on TAM to see how HUGE of a problem EA's and inappropriate contact are.
> 
> ... is very much right to request these boundaries. Does it suck that this needs to happen? Yep. But there is no ignoring how easy it is these days for people to sneak around, making it way too easy for things to get out of hand.


Cheating sucks. Being betrayed forever changes how you see yourself in relationships at all. However, one of the results of being on the other side of betrayal (my ex-h cheated on me, so I have tons of issues about it!!), is that people learn to talk about what is and isn't acceptable. I don't think that expressing a boundary is the same thing as control, though. I think that expressing a boundary is an important thing to do, especially for people who may come from different worlds and don't automatically demonstrate the same perspectives or values on things immediately. Trust is built. Sometimes, the phases that we have to go to to deem someone trustworthy seems like it's a bit much, but it's totally understandable. 

If you tell someone, up front, "hey, if you are sneaking around with other people in a way that could be construed as romantic, I am going to leave this relationship", then the person has been fairly warned and can choose to make informed decisions based on it. We can't assume that all people find the same things objectionable. We have to protect ourselves, too. I'm all for the healthy communication of boundaries and I do not think that expressing them is the same thing as controlling another person, nor is it the same as training to become a batterer!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Now everyone here thinks I'm an ogre. I'm not. I'm actually one of the most laid back boyfriends a gal could have. I just want any woman I date exclusively to show me some fvcking respect, both when she is with me and when we are apart.
> 
> If Syrian were to call me up and say "Bandit, an old guy friend from out of town is here and wants to meet me for coffee. He's gone through a rough patch recently and needs someone to talk to. I'm meeting him for coffee at 11:30 and I'm going back to work at 1:00 pm. Do you mind?"
> 
> I would say "no, enjoy your coffee, talk at you later". Then I could decide if I wanted to just trust her or follow up by calling her at her office at 1:30 pm. I have no desire to keep her from old friends.
> 
> Now if she met him without telling me, and I just happened to go by that same coffee shop while they were sitting there, how awkward would that be? Then she and I would be enmeshed in arguing for the next three days.
> 
> All I ask is that she show me a little consideration by letting me know beforehand. 9 times out of 10 I'm not going to care.


This made me laugh because I thought about all the times ex husband would have lunch with old "friends" without telling me. 
Then I would find out, and he would give me some excuse for not telling me, and I would totally believe him!! 

haha, I was sooo naive. Blinded by the fear that if he didnt love me, nobody else would. Well Fvck that!! He never loved me and I am learning to be at peace with that

I say go for it Bandit. Have strong boundaries. Nothing wrong with that.
My next relationship, I am going to make that guy sign a relationship agreement! if he falters, I have the right to sue him :rofl::rofl:
OK, I am kidding but seriously thinking about doing just that!


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> And ew. Be done with him. Seriously, he sucks. The comment about "Ok nice meeting you" after you stood up for yourself shows he's passive-aggressive and didn't even explain himself.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

That line stood out to me, as well. You didn't just "meet" but you guys dated for a little while. What a crummy thing to say. If he's the sort who will trivialize things passive-aggressively, you're lucky to be done with him!

Sorry you're feeling blue and that he turned out to be lame, FIP.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> *
> That line stood out to me, as well. You didn't just "meet" but you guys dated for a little while. *What a crummy thing to say. If he's the sort who will trivialize things passive-aggressively, you're lucky to be done with him!
> 
> Sorry you're feeling blue and that he turned out to be lame, FIP.


THIS!!! We didn't just meet, I was your fvcking girlfriend for a little while. I "met" your mom and her boyfriend. I didn't "meet" YOU, I was your GIRLFRIEND.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> This made me laugh because I thought about all the times ex husband would have lunch with old "friends" without telling me.
> Then I would find out, and he would give me some excuse for not telling me, and I would totally believe him!!
> 
> haha, I was sooo naive. *Blinded by the fear that if he didnt love me, nobody else would.* Well Fvck that!! He never loved me and I am learning to be at peace with that
> 
> I say go for it Bandit. Have strong boundaries. Nothing wrong with that.
> My next relationship, I am going to make that guy sign a relationship agreement! if he falters, I have the right to sue him :rofl::rofl:
> OK, I am kidding but seriously thinking about doing just that!


I remember this feeling all to well from my marriage. NEVER AGAIN.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Maybe, that wouldn't surprise me. And I made it clear that my place is mine, and I don't have any plans to co-habitate again anytime soon.


With this and everything else you mention, he sounds like a train wreck. One that occurs so regularly that it has its own printed and published schedule. 

I wonder when it was you told him that you weren't going to cohabitate...anyhow even when people say things like that, it puts the possibility of them changing their minds, into the thoughts of opportunistic people...opens up the dialogue. But it still needs to be said. Especially if a guy is living somewhere temporarily. 

I really don't like dating guys who are between places or about to be between places. It makes me nervous. My next door neighbor dated a woman and they just signed a lease together on a place that is closer to his work and further from her work. Right after they signed the lease his yelling and swearing towards her began. It was horrible, but also a good reminder. No signing leases, no moving in together...dating and sleeping together is one thing, but living together is a day to day thing that affects 100% of your life. After that there is very little wiggle room to end the relationship gracefully or easily.


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> With this and everything else you mention, he sounds like a train wreck. * One that occurs so regularly that it has its own printed and published schedule*.


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## Durnik

FIP, you got so many bonus points for posting the apology scale from ethicsalarms. I adore that blog!


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> With this and everything else you mention, he sounds like a train wreck. One that occurs so regularly that it has its own printed and published schedule.
> 
> I wonder when it was you told him that you weren't going to cohabitate...anyhow even when people say things like that, it puts the possibility of them changing their minds, into the thoughts of opportunistic people...opens up the dialogue. But it still needs to be said. Especially if a guy is living somewhere temporarily.
> 
> I really don't like dating guys who are between places or about to be between places. It makes me nervous. My next door neighbor dated a woman and they just signed a lease together on a place that is closer to his work and further from her work. Right after they signed the lease his yelling and swearing towards her began. It was horrible, but also a good reminder. No signing leases, no moving in together...dating and sleeping together is one thing, but living together is a day to day thing that affects 100% of your life. After that there is very little wiggle room to end the relationship gracefully or easily.


You hit the nail on the head. A lot of these things, alone they're not a big deal, but when you put them together, you get one hot mess. I really think I dodged a bullet in this case. Talking it out with y'all has really helped.

Funny thing is, he did something the last weekend while we were together, and it pushed a button; it was something my XH would do. I told fireman, I don't like it when you do that; my XH used to do that as a way to push me away, to shut down my attempts at emotional intimacy. His response was well, that's not what I'm doing and you shouldn't project him onto me. And I said, I'm not projecting, and I don't assume your intentions are the same, I'm telling you because it bothers me. And he responds, well, I don't know what to tell you, baby, because this is just the way I am. Maybe you need to see a therapist about that.

I started to have some doubts after that convo.

I made the cohabitation thing clear after he got the job offer in DC. I said that he was free to stay at my place a few nights a week, to help ease the pain of commuting into the city every day, until he found his own place in the city, but if he had any thoughts about moving in with me, that wouldn't happen anytime soon.

I've decided that I'll never cohabitate with anyone again unless we're engaged and the wedding is fast approaching. If XH and I hadn't been living together, I don't think we would have ever gotten married. And I found out far too late that he asked me to move in for financial reasons, and not because he thought it was the next step in our relationship or because he wanted to start building a life together.

Never again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Durnik said:


> FIP, you got so many bonus points for posting the apology scale from ethicsalarms. I adore that blog!


I think I saw someone post it here on TAM, or maybe on Facebook. I've never read any other posts on the site, but the apology scale is BRILLIANT. I'll have to check out some other posts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> It is unlikely that I'll get one. He clearly avoids conflict. Or he's avoiding me. Whatever, his issues.





FeministInPink said:


> It's definitely not an affair. I met his mom, as well as several aunts and uncles two weeks ago. So, two weeks ago, he thought we were going to be together for a while.
> 
> He had a messy break-up several months ago, and she fvcked him over financially. He's temporarily staying with his mom until he gets sh!t sorted out, and I think her boyfriend lives there, too. Fireman and the boyfriend don't get along very well, so there's some tension there.
> 
> EDIT: And you're right, way too many excuses. There were some other yellow flags, and I was willing to give him a chance to demonstrate that they weren't issues. And he is just failing miserably. He said once that one of his supervisors said that he had a way of setting everything in his personal life on fire... this is becoming very clear. He's a sweet guy, but he's a fvcking mess.


Oh man, FIP. I am sorry.  That sucks.

I haven't been on here much lately, and have been skimming, but just have to say that a PA guy who can't handle confrontation/conflict is a future disaster in the making. He did you a favor by showing his colors. As far as the other stuff, you have it going on. Don't worry that your body type is not the pop culture icon now. You are incredibly witty with a sarcastic yet kind sense of humor, smart and attractive. Take the good memories of the sex, use it to put that extra swagger in your step and go hunting!


----------



## ne9907

ugh, so your entire break up with hot fireman is would definitely bring some of us down.
I am sorry for being incosiderate but I am so glad blue eyes and I are involved in this casual thing.

The 3 previous times we ended things were very amicable, very respectful. 
Some people are *******s about ending things. He listens to what I have to say and most times changes things.
I am the *****y one. I *****ed about his lack of curtains, he puts some on. I ***** about him *****ing about me, he stops, and we laugh about it. I ***** about his lack of communication and he improves it. He doesnt put up with some of the fvcked up mind emotinal games ex and I engaged in, he puts me in check. Oh, the one time I told him about a therapist who dropped me, he was understanding.
I like this quasi relationship. I like him but have no expectations.


----------



## ne9907

> If this is your first post divorce relationship, my first bit of advice would be to NOT try to label what it is.
> 
> Are you exclusive? Does she consider you exclusive? If you don't know, this is going to feed your anxiety. If you aren't sure you plan on sticking around, don't ask the question
> 
> I travel a great deal too. I can tell you that for me, my problem is also finding someone who thinks I'm available enough.
> 
> Last bit of advice. If you aren't thrilled with this woman, don't stick around. Life is too short.


I copied this from another thread, Deejo posted this. It is a great piece of advice!


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Oh man, FIP. I am sorry.  That sucks.
> 
> I haven't been on here much lately, and have been skimming, but just have to say that a PA guy who can't handle confrontation/conflict is a future disaster in the making. He did you a favor by showing his colors. As far as the other stuff, you have it going on. Don't worry that your body type is not the pop culture icon now. You are incredibly witty with a sarcastic yet kind sense of humor, smart and attractive. Take the good memories of the sex, use it to put that extra swagger in your step and go hunting!


Thanks, Fenix. That helps more than you know.

On a side note, I went to the gyno today for my (much, much belated) annual. The plan was to get a regular birth control scrip since I anticipate being in a relationship for a while, which obviously isn't an issue now. But I figured, get the BC scrip, and stash it in the fridge until I need it again. (I got a temp scrip the week Fireman and I met, but I needed an annual to get a full scrip.) 

Anyway, the clinician that I had was awesome. She was about my age. She asked me how I was doing today, and I said, "Honestly? Kind of sh!tty, because my boyfriend and I broke up today, and one of my reasons for coming in was to get a BC scrip because I thought we were going to be together a lot longer." Well, that totally broke the ice, and I told her the entire story. At one point, she was like, "You know, if the sex was so great, maybe you could keep him as a FWB!" And I was like, no way, I haven't gotten to the best part yet. I got to the actual break-up text by the time she finished the exam, and I was like, "you want to read it? It's a pretty awesome text." So I showed her the text I sent, and the ones following, which you've all seen. And she was like, "This is the best break-up text I have EVER SEEN. And you're right, you deserve so much better than this. I'm proud of you, not many are strong enough to do this." And she gasped when she saw the "It was nice to meet you" text. She was like, "Oh, no he didn't!"

She's awesome. I want her to be my friend, but that would be weird. But she was like, listen, I'm single, too, and I totally get what you're going through. We've all dated guys like this, and you just have to learn and move on.

I've never been to this Planned Parenthood before, I usually go to the one near my work, but this one is like 5 minutes from my house. I'm going to this one from now on.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> ugh, so your entire break up with hot fireman is would definitely bring some of us down.
> I am sorry for being incosiderate but I am so glad blue eyes and I are involved in this casual thing.
> 
> The 3 previous times we ended things were very amicable, very respectful.
> Some people are *******s about ending things. He listens to what I have to say and most times changes things.
> I am the *****y one. I *****ed about his lack of curtains, he puts some on. I ***** about him *****ing about me, he stops, and we laugh about it. I ***** about his lack of communication and he improves it. He doesnt put up with some of the fvcked up mind emotinal games ex and I engaged in, he puts me in check. Oh, the one time I told him about a therapist who dropped me, he was understanding.
> I like this quasi relationship. I like him but have no expectations.


I hope we all find someone as awesome as Blue Eyes.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Oh man, FIP. I am sorry.  That sucks.
> 
> I haven't been on here much lately, and have been skimming, but just have to say that a PA guy who can't handle confrontation/conflict is a future disaster in the making. He did you a favor by showing his colors. As far as the other stuff, you have it going on. Don't worry that your body type is not the pop culture icon now. You are incredibly witty with a sarcastic yet kind sense of humor, smart and attractive. Take the good memories of the sex, use it to put that extra swagger in your step and go hunting!


And you're right, it was a disaster in the making, and I AM glad that this happened earlier rather than later. And I've learned from this, and rather than feeling dejected, I'm feeling pretty good about myself after this whole thing. IT. WASN'T. ME.

And honestly? That smart, witty part of me, my sense of humor, I had to downplay it a little bit, which was hard for me. He went to college, but he only ever did enough to get by, and he's quite smart in his own way, but a lot of times and in a number of ways, he just didn't _get_ me. On more than one occasion, I would use a word in conversation, and he would have to ask me what the word meant. Or he would ask about the book I was reading, and I would start waxing about the thematic or cultural significances of the text, or I would read out loud a line that I thought captured the essence of the book's tone, or something like that, and his eyes would sort of glaze over. Or I would make a joke or comment(ary) about some current event, and it would just go over his head. He appreciated my intellect, but it put a certain distance between us that I don't know could have ever been surmounted, ultimately. 

So I knew it was going to end, eventually. We were just too different. But I thought it would be fun for a while, and it was. Like I said previously, just not quite long enough to get all the sex that the universe owes me.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Now everyone here thinks I'm an ogre. I'm not. I'm actually one of the most laid back boyfriends a gal could have. I just want any woman I date exclusively to show me some fvcking respect, both when she is with me and when we are apart.
> 
> If Syrian were to call me up and say "Bandit, an old guy friend from out of town is here and wants to meet me for coffee. He's gone through a rough patch recently and needs someone to talk to. I'm meeting him for coffee at 11:30 and I'm going back to work at 1:00 pm. Do you mind?"
> 
> I would say "no, enjoy your coffee, talk at you later". Then I could decide if I wanted to just trust her or follow up by calling her at her office at 1:30 pm. I have no desire to keep her from old friends.
> 
> Now if she met him without telling me, and I just happened to go by that same coffee shop while they were sitting there, how awkward would that be? Then she and I would be enmeshed in arguing for the next three days.
> 
> All I ask is that she show me a little consideration by letting me know beforehand. 9 times out of 10 I'm not going to care.


I don't think you're an ogre, although the way you phrased it with the bullets seemed a little draconian. They way you've explained it here sounds a lot better.

And what you are laying out for her, that's stuff that someone like me (and I would guess others here) would just do anyway. So maybe the fact that you have to lay it out for her like that maybe says more about her than it does about you...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> All you have to do is read half a page of threads here on TAM to see how HUGE of a problem EA's and inappropriate contact are. If you are on this forum, there is no pleading ignorance to this fact. Bandit has been betrayed, he knows this game, and is very much right to request these boundaries. Does it suck that this needs to happen? Yep. But there is no ignoring how easy it is these days for people to sneak around, making it way too easy for things to get out of hand.


Could not agree with this more.

And bandits rules seem fine with me. I had similar ones set up in my marriage during R attempt for both of us.

I honestly don't think I will get seriously involved with someone who doesn't feel the same way about the OS friend rules once in a committed relationship.

Just dating/f*cking is one thing... But being seriously involved requires clear boundaries both understand. It really does suck learning that the hard way.


----------



## Arendt

Spent last night and most of today with Guatemalan. She came back from a trip where her brother was racing an Ironman. She bought me a coffee mug from the event. Sweet gesture. I made her dinner last night and brought it over because she had a class at her college. I also brought something for brunch.

We are planning to spend Friday evening and Saturday together, then she has a half marathon on Sunday which I said I'd attend, and she is staying over at my place that night as well since her kids are gone for the weekend. So I am planning a little riverboat cruise for Friday evening where they tell ppl about the architecture and city history. She mentioned she wanted to do that so I think it would be nice. Go somewhere for a nice dinner on Friday as well. 

I live downtown and there are weekly festivals in this city so we'll have plenty to do while she's at my place (she lives just outside the city).

I'm having a great time with her. 

Some of you posted about the self-loathing or self-doubts about your looks and all that. She has that at times too. her ex was verbally abusive, telling her she wasn't pretty, etc. She kicked him out eventually. So I think that really took a toll on her and she is actively trying to love herself. That is a good sign to me. I compliment her a lot. She's really beautiful and I feel pretty lucky she's into me. She's a well-rounded person, with a big heart and open mind. 

I am headed to counseling on Friday so I can process life with a professional. Lots of changes and uncertainties in my life of late so I think that is a good move at this point in time. I just want help with perspective and to keep grounded in good choices. I am happy with how I am responding to her and such so far though. However, that dissertation...I need to finish and I'm doing everything possible to procrastinate right now. I feel like I'm at the end of a very long race: tired and not wanting to continue, but knowing I "have" to finish what I started. I can barely read a book at this point (except comics...I seem to be able to devour them still).

Now I am going to watch an HBO show in Spanish


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> You hit the nail on the head. A lot of these things, alone they're not a big deal, but when you put them together, you get one hot mess. I really think I dodged a bullet in this case. Talking it out with y'all has really helped.
> 
> Funny thing is, he did something the last weekend while we were together, and it pushed a button; it was something my XH would do. I told fireman, I don't like it when you do that; my XH used to do that as a way to push me away, to shut down my attempts at emotional intimacy. His response was well, that's not what I'm doing and you shouldn't project him onto me. And I said, I'm not projecting, and I don't assume your intentions are the same, I'm telling you because it bothers me. And he responds, well, I don't know what to tell you, baby, because this is just the way I am. Maybe you need to see a therapist about that.
> 
> I started to have some doubts after that convo.
> 
> I made the cohabitation thing clear after he got the job offer in DC. I said that he was free to stay at my place a few nights a week, to help ease the pain of commuting into the city every day, until he found his own place in the city, but if he had any thoughts about moving in with me, that wouldn't happen anytime soon.
> 
> I've decided that I'll never cohabitate with anyone again unless we're engaged and the wedding is fast approaching. If XH and I hadn't been living together, I don't think we would have ever gotten married. And I found out far too late that he asked me to move in for financial reasons, and not because he thought it was the next step in our relationship or because he wanted to start building a life together.
> 
> Never again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A couple things. A therapist once told me that you don't have to over-share or let people in too deep in order to communicate your needs. That is, they should trust you to have a good reason for making requests. So you could say, I don't find many things irritating, but that one thing you're doing now that I noticed you do and maybe you don't even notice you do it that often is... (insert behavior here) 

If he gets upset or wants a reason, just say, well, I don't really feel there is a solid reason, I'm just letting you know it's irritating to me, whether you can do something about it is entirely up to you. 

The other thing is signaling your over-availability to share space. By offering him a place to sleep over, you aren't setting any specifics. So he could very well have arranged to stay over and then gone out with new work friends (or who knows why else and with whom...) And since he's an adult and you did offer, you won't very well be able to say when he has to come back, etc. You can make a suggestion, but that's about it, and you'll probably have to offer him a key too. If someone takes a new job and isn't up for the commute, then that's their problem. They can usually manage to find temporary lodging through their work while they transition. It's not really that difficult, and most cities have lodging rooms or hostels that are inexpensive. Just the cost of the gas if the commute is that far, is going to pay for the room and even meals (which can be got at supermarkets or gas stations, really.) An alternate response to him getting a job in your city would be, great, if you end up staying over in the city during the workweek, we could get together, let me know what your schedule works out to be, I usually need a couple day's notice though. Then you don't have to worry about making other plans and having him show up on your doorstep needing a place to stay, and you're making it clear that you aren't completely available. 

You really don't want some guy staying over until you are sure you know him well. So many people can hide or suppress habits or behaviors for the short term. Even if you meet someone by an introduction from someone you know very well, be sure to ask how well your friend knows the other person, and in what context. But don't consider the guy fully vetted until you've had a chance to do research on your own. Anyone you're letting in your apartment, you need to get a full background check on, this means having to fork over some cash for that service (available on line.) But you're letting someone into your apartment and access to your life, literally. If you were hiring a babysitter or nanny for your infant, you would do this for sure. Well, you are going to be sleeping for part of the time the person is in your place. All of your info is available. You are completely vulnerable sleeping. Even if I go on a date with someone or go somewhere on my own I usually text my adult son where I'm going and ask him to check on me later. I avoid situations where I would be alone with someone until I know them a better, especially to go to someone else's place, who knows what kind of setup they might have for whatever purposes? My own place I can be a little bit more lenient about letting someone come in but I'd rather have sex in a parking garage with the police or security guards watching through the CCTV than take a guy home that I didn't know very well. 

I think most people are really naive and over-trusting. 
Criminal acts are usually acts of opportunity. Don't create an attractive nuisance, then less chance of crime happening. Oh sure, it's the whole blame the victim thing, but honestly, who wants to be a victim? If you want safety, there are places you can go. Iceland, sex clubs...actually sex clubs are a good idea in terms of safety. I wish they weren't as frowned upon as they are. They make a lot of sense and could solve a lot of problems if they were more accepted, especially for singles. People could be vetted for criminal status, cameras and videos banned completely, medical records on file, and panic button to use for assistance if partner violates rules of play. We monitor our kids on the playground, but we grow up and are left to the wild dogs.


----------



## RandomDude

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME... I dreamt of DATING! And breaking! Bah! Wasn't very pleasant  Especially when my dreamdate pulled the whole silent act! Still stuck in my head for hours!

Must be from reading FIP's posts, giving me nightmares you are lol


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway FIP, for you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fveDl2TnpGM


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> WTF IS WRONG WITH ME... I dreamt of DATING! And breaking! Bah! Wasn't very pleasant  Especially when my dreamdate pulled the whole silent act! Still stuck in my head for hours!
> 
> Must be from reading FIP's posts, giving me nightmares you are lol


Sorry, I didn't mean to give you nightmares!!! I think I've just reinforced your dedication to keeping it FWBs, right???



RandomDude said:


> Anyway FIP, for you:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fveDl2TnpGM


OMG, that is perfect!!! :rofl:

Thanks so much


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker: Thanks for that. I am, by nature, an over-sharer of information. I've always been that way, I don't see it changing anytime soon. A symptom of my mother never acknowledging my emotional needs as legitimate, perhaps?

The offer for him to stay over at my place was initially framed in the context of us having a date after work anyway, so I had no intention of giving him a key. And he had already stayed over several times by that point. And I did do background checks very early on. Unfortunately, they don't reveal things like passive-aggressiveness and emotional deficiencies 

Even so, your points are well taken.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Sorry, I didn't mean to give you nightmares!!! I think I've just reinforced your dedication to keeping it FWBs, right???


Damn right! 



> OMG, that is perfect!!! :rofl:
> 
> Thanks so much


Anytime lol


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Could not agree with this more.
> 
> And bandits rules seem fine with me. I had similar ones set up in my marriage during R attempt for both of us.
> 
> I honestly don't think I will get seriously involved with someone who doesn't feel the same way about the OS friend rules once in a committed relationship.
> 
> Just dating/f*cking is one thing... But being seriously involved requires clear boundaries both understand. It really does suck learning that the hard way.


Hey, Vi stopped by! :smthumbup: (and agreed with ME, woohoo! LOL!)


----------



## FeministInPink

A friend today sent me the following article, which examines the way we culturally view marriage, and what we should consider instead when contemplating forming a marital union:

How we end up marrying the wrong people | Philosophers' Mail

It is fascinating. It's a wonder anyone manages to have a successful marriage at all


----------



## whitehawk

Had a strange day yesterday.
My d;s having troubles at school and l rang one of her friends mum , hoping she might have some ideas or know something . We talk for awhile,beautiful day , next min l'm heading over to her place, 40mins over.
So nice . We sat out on the step in the sun, she showed me round, we talked for hours about all sorts of stuff, and talked , and talked, just out on the step in the sun. l was really surprised at how instantly easy and calm, just at ease we were even after an hour on the phone earlier alreaady. 
l noticed her new hair and she let it down to show me the color , my fav, mousy blonde streaked and much longer than l thought to , l was almost done for right then.
later l noticed a new tatt rising out of the hip of her jeans and asked and she showed me that one and some others . Her skin was so white and soft , so nice to touch. Never expected any of this with her , never really had much to do with her.
She showed me round the house and her sons new gym , next min she's giving one of the contraptions hell , she looked good in those jeans on that thing,then l tried it and we pissed ourselves laughing at each other trying to work this thing.
3hrs later, just like that and l really had to leave to meet my D.
lt was such a surprise though, the ease we were at with each other, the whole afternoon was , her ease. About 20fkg times she's just standing somewhere or sitting beside me, just mega chilled , calm, l'd look down at her and can't believe l resisted, so tempted , or at least didn't cuddle her.
It's just well one , I'm still trying to work things out with beach girl but then 2 , well fk you know , jesus you get so fkg cautious don't you after all this and who knows anyway , it might've been nothing from her and then maybe it makes anything future with the girls awkward .
But she's left me feeling all , well , you know the feeling.


----------



## whitehawk

Been very emotional actually this last few wks , not sure why , maybe a bit of a relapse.
Playin Tom Waites Jersey girl, over and over.


----------



## Fenix

Wow, WH, assuming she's available, why not ask her out? She is close, no driving, knows kids. I love finding the ease. Someone who is attractive (to me) and gives me that sense of calm and ease? Oh yeah.

And if she is letting her hair down to show you, plus showing you her tats...well, she is interested.


----------



## whitehawk

So you think Fenix ? I thought what if I'm reading this wrong ,the girls and everything you know, never know . Can't believe I kept my hands of that hair.
Yeah she's been single a fair while , raising her girl.

Isn't that ease just amazing , so rare , just a beautiful calm . Must admit , been a long time since I've felt anything like that to this degree.


----------



## moxy

WH, ask her out! I agree that she seems interested, based on your description. Do something casual, not majorly romantic or intense.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> So you think Fenix ? I thought what if I'm reading this wrong ,the girls and everything you know, never know . Can't believe I kept my hands of that hair.
> Yeah she's been single a fair while , raising her girl.
> 
> Isn't that ease just amazing , so rare , just a beautiful calm . Must admit , been a long time since I've felt anything like that to this degree.


Yes, I think! 

The calm is like a syncing of personalities. For me, it doesn't happen often. It happened with my current guy in a big, big way. Took me by surprise and unlike anything I have felt before.



moxy said:


> WH, ask her out! I agree that she seems interested, based on your description. Do something casual, not majorly romantic or intense.


:iagree:

Go casual, do something fun and lighthearted.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok so one guy and I've been out a few times. He came on very strong and seems to have cooled a bit. Also, we made out and the last time I saw him it seemed he was kinda not wanting to make out. WTF? Make out with me! Anyway yesterday he was being super flirty, saying he missed me, etc and said to call him when I got home. So I called him when I did, about twenty minutes later...and he did not answer. And he did not dacll me back or text me. WTF? 

Why do people do these things? I'm wondering if he has someone else or maybe isn't quite ready. 

The making out thing bothered me. He was so into it the first time we did and then kept talking it up, saying all the things he was going to do to me and then the last time...nothing. Weird, right? Why would a guy do that? I was looking cute, too. I want some [email protected]



Arendt said:


> So I am planning a little riverboat cruise for Friday evening where they tell ppl about the architecture and city history.


Sounds like a fun date!



RandomDude said:


> WTF IS WRONG WITH ME... I dreamt of DATING! And breaking! Bah! Wasn't very pleasant  Especially when my dreamdate pulled the whole silent act!


You over-analyze way too much. It's just a dream. 


Whitehawk - ask her out. You have nothing to lose.


----------



## whitehawk

You think to mox . Tell you , life just loves a curb ball doesn't it eh :scratchhead:

Dunno how the hell we'd work it. first there's my d and then there's her d and l and we really get a long well, l can see why now after spending some time around her mum.
Her d asked me once if l'd be her dad , l was so fkg touched. So between the 2 girls , we'd have to sneak around for a long time bc l'd hate to hurt either of them in any way or get hers hopes up.

Hmm , why aren't these things ever just simple .


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> And you're right, it was a disaster in the making, and I AM glad that this happened earlier rather than later. And I've learned from this, and rather than feeling dejected, I'm feeling pretty good about myself after this whole thing. IT. WASN'T. ME.


Nope, wasn't you.  Sounds like his modus operandi. But, hey, you got to break your dry spell! 


> And honestly? *That smart, witty part of me, my sense of humor, I had to downplay it a little bit, which was hard for me. He went to college, but he only ever did enough to get by, and he's quite smart in his own way, but a lot of times and in a number of ways, he just didn't get me.* On more than one occasion, I would use a word in conversation, and he would have to ask me what the word meant. Or he would ask about the book I was reading, and I would start waxing about the thematic or cultural significances of the text, or I would read out loud a line that I thought captured the essence of the book's tone, or something like that, and his eyes would sort of glaze over. Or I would make a joke or comment(ary) about some current event, and it would just go over his head. He appreciated my intellect, but it put a certain distance between us that I don't know could have ever been surmounted, ultimately.


The bolded part really jumped out at me. It is easy to fool ourselves when the hormones are raging. But, dumbing yourself down never, ever works.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> You think to mox . Tell you , life just loves a curb ball doesn't it eh :scratchhead:
> 
> Dunno how the hell we'd work it. first there's my d and then there's her d and l and we really get a long well, l can see why now after spending some time around her mum.
> Her d asked me once if l'd be her dad , l was so fkg touched. So between the 2 girls , we'd have to sneak around for a long time bc l'd hate to hurt either of them in any way or get hers hopes up.
> 
> Hmm , why aren't these things ever just simple .


So, be discreet for a decent amount of time, until you know there is a fit. How old are the girls?


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> So, be discreet for a decent amount of time, until you know there is a fit. How old are the girls?


Hu , you sure simpled that one up for me Fenix, thanks. They're 13


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so one guy and I've been out a few times. He came on very strong and seems to have cooled a bit. Also, we made out and the last time I saw him it seemed he was kinda not wanting to make out. WTF? Make out with me! Anyway yesterday he was being super flirty, saying he missed me, etc and said to call him when I got home. So I called him when I did, about twenty minutes later...and he did not answer. And he did not dacll me back or text me. WTF?
> 
> Why do people do these things? I'm wondering if he has someone else or maybe isn't quite ready.
> 
> The making out thing bothered me. He was so into it the first time we did and then kept talking it up, saying all the things he was going to do to me and then the last time...nothing. Weird, right? Why would a guy do that? I was looking cute, too. I want some [email protected]
> 
> 
> @ Thinking. He coulda gotten very caught up in the heat of the moment and just said things , in which case some day light often ends up having you feeling differently .
> Or , he's just got stuff , a lot on , just busy . Or maybe not good , other dates , a gf .
> PS , you'll have to see if he calls back and hear what he's got to say for himself first up I think.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Hu , you sure simpled that one up for me Fenix, thanks. They're 13


I am good at that. 

13 is tricky. They have a tendency to jump ahead and make assumptions. In a few years, that isn't such an issue. Being discreet until you know that there is some LT potential would be a good idea. After that, it is all about managing expectations.


----------



## whitehawk

Haha you are to.
But yeah both girls have serious stuff right now and plus mine is still coping with the D, 

But , your right . That doesn't have to have anything to do with this for a long time right now does it so , 2 separate things l guess.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> @ Thinking. He coulda gotten very caught up in the heat of the moment and just said things , in which case some day light often ends up having you feeling differently .
> Or , he's just got stuff , a lot on , just busy . Or maybe not good , other dates , a gf .
> PS , you'll have to see if he calls back and hear what he's got to say for himself first up I think.


To be honest, I am not even sure I want to talk to him happily after he blew off my phone call - the one he told me to make. 

He could not keep his hands off me...that's why it's weird.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah right, don't blame ya but that'd be handy then bc it won't matter if he does or not I guess hu.
I mean there coulda been something come up right that second, happens to me all the time but the fact that he hasn't been back to you yet to apologize , hmm.

Oh yeah they're weird alright. A big reason why l don't just jump these days , people seem to just back flip within hours l dunno, and that stuff [email protected] me


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Had a strange day yesterday.
> My d;s having troubles at school and l rang one of her friends mum , hoping she might have some ideas or know something . We talk for awhile,beautiful day , next min l'm heading over to her place, 40mins over.
> So nice . We sat out on the step in the sun, she showed me round, we talked for hours about all sorts of stuff, and talked , and talked, just out on the step in the sun. l was really surprised at how instantly easy and calm, just at ease we were even after an hour on the phone earlier alreaady.
> l noticed her new hair and she let it down to show me the color , my fav, mousy blonde streaked and much longer than l thought to , l was almost done for right then.
> later l noticed a new tatt rising out of the hip of her jeans and asked and she showed me that one and some others . Her skin was so white and soft , so nice to touch. Never expected any of this with her , never really had much to do with her.
> She showed me round the house and her sons new gym , next min she's giving one of the contraptions hell , she looked good in those jeans on that thing,then l tried it and we pissed ourselves laughing at each other trying to work this thing.
> 3hrs later, just like that and l really had to leave to meet my D.
> lt was such a surprise though, the ease we were at with each other, the whole afternoon was , her ease. About 20fkg times she's just standing somewhere or sitting beside me, just mega chilled , calm, l'd look down at her and can't believe l resisted, so tempted , or at least didn't cuddle her.
> It's just well one , I'm still trying to work things out with beach girl but then 2 , well fk you know , jesus you get so fkg cautious don't you after all this and who knows anyway , it might've been nothing from her and then maybe it makes anything future with the girls awkward .
> But she's left me feeling all , well , you know the feeling.


WH, THIS is what we ALL are hoping to have happen! THIS is the good stuff! You need to ask this woman out!


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Oh yeah they're weird alright. A big reason why l don't just jump these days , people seem to just back flip within hours l dunno, and that stuff [email protected] me


True, Whitehawk. Yeah I mean... I felt like aman..who got rejected for sexy times. WTF. I want to get LAID. Maybe I need to just have a one night stand for once. 

My feels is if he were more into it, he would have answered.,..AND apologized. And want to bang me.

Maybe he has an erectile issue? (It makes me feel better to think this actually). LOL.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> True, Whitehawk. Yeah I mean... I felt like aman..who got rejected for sexy times. WTF. I want to get LAID. *Maybe I need to just have a one night stand for once. *
> 
> My feels is if he were more into it, he would have answered.,..AND apologized. And want to bang me.


Do it!! I finally did it! At first I was ashamed of myself, but that didnt last long! lol! I am actually glad that I finally let that happen for me! :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> True, Whitehawk. Yeah I mean... I felt like aman..who got rejected for sexy times. WTF. I want to get LAID. Maybe I need to just have a one night stand for once.
> 
> My feels is if he were more into it, he would have answered.,..AND apologized. And want to bang me.
> 
> LOL.



Yeah you'd think he shoulda been back to ya by now and with some major grovelling but , still could be a time thing too.
It has taken me days sometimes , things just come up.
Ya might not know for a few days maybe jb, oops , sorry bout that. l'm thinkin he'll be back though.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Do it!! I finally did it! At first I was ashamed of myself, but that didnt last long! lol! I am actually glad that I finally let that happen for me! :smthumbup:


I agree, JB, DO IT!!!! There's nothing wrong with a one-night stand, if you're safe.

Go get you some!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Un-fvcking-believable. 

Guess who texted me this morning?

"I rode the metro like a big boy today" 
_(he's working in DC today and tomorrow)_ 

I didn't respond. Unless he's gonna CALL ME with a big, fat, level-1, -2, or -3 apology, I don't want to hear it. And that's not going to happen, because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

EDIT: _Though, I have to admit, part of me just wants to use him for sex..._


----------



## whitehawk

Why TF is everyone l'm meeting though heaps younger . l'm not game to get involved with heaps younger after the [email protected] l've been through.
Different if they're just the fun type but they're always the all or nothing /keeper type.
l usually do attract good women , not fk heads and l know that's a good thing but eh , doesn't solve the dilemma though does it 
Truth is , l woulda pounced on her yesterday but again , heaps younger. That wa sactually outwaying the girls thing.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I agree, JB, DO IT!!!! There's nothing wrong with a one-night stand, if you're safe.
> 
> Go get you some!!!


Hehehe. It's so not me though. But dammit. I want some.



3Xnocharm said:


> Do it!! I finally did it! *At first I was ashamed of myself, but that didnt last long!* lol!


Awesome. :smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> Un-fvcking-believable.
> 
> Guess who texted me this morning?
> 
> "I rode the metro like a big boy today"
> _(he's working in DC today and tomorrow)_
> 
> I didn't respond.


Lame!

You shoulda said "Too bad the silver line didn't get you a clue that I am not interested."

HAHAHAHA

But the non-response was even better.  That's my style.


----------



## unsure78

FIP im a little behind was busy yesterday... sorry about your breakup with the fireman...Hate to tell you this sh1t happens all the time like that... hot hot hot all about you, then all of a sudden the guy cools, texts less, starts breaking dates...

So from all my dating experiences in the last 2 years...one of my main mottos has become actions not words, right? I used to try to give guys the benefit when the cooling would happen, oh hes got a family issue, oh stressful at work right now, excuse, excuse, blah, blah... let me tell you if a guy is into you, he will text, he will call, he will make time...
I had one guy who mother died that day, and guess what he still wanted to see me that night and not break the date...

He has lost interest PERIOD... it doesn't matter why... best to learn to try not to over analyse why....it doesn't matter why... he found someone else, he lost attraction for you, he just wanted you for fast sex and now hes done, you didn't want to live together, whatever reason....guess what in the end it doesn't matter why... sure and they are really a$$es if they dont even bother to breakup with you proper...but I like rolling Jelly style on it... maybe one send off text then go ghost from your end...when you continue to call or text you just look desperate...better to end it with strength.... 

Again im sorry I understand the pain/frustration been there before...hugs hope you are doing better today.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Hehehe. It's so not me though. But dammit. I want some.


Yeah, its not me either JB...BUT...:smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Un-fvcking-believable.
> 
> Guess who texted me this morning?
> 
> "I rode the metro like a big boy today"
> _(he's working in DC today and tomorrow)_
> 
> I didn't respond. Unless he's gonna CALL ME with a big, fat, level-1, -2, or -3 apology, I don't want to hear it. And that's not going to happen, because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong.
> 
> EDIT: _Though, I have to admit, part of me just wants to use him for sex..._


Damn right Fem . It's gonna have to be lots and lots of very serious grovelling or nothing l'm afraid .


----------



## Jellybeans

unsure78 said:


> So from all my dating experiences in the last 2 years...one of my main mottos has become actions not words, right? I used to try to give guys the benefit when the cooling would happen, oh hes got a family issue, oh stressful at work right now, excuse, excuse, blah, blah... *let me tell you if a guy is into you, he will text, he will call, he will make time...*


:iagree: Completely. If he is into you, you will know. He will make an effort.



unsure78 said:


> He has lost interest PERIOD... it doesn't matter why... best to learn to try not to over analyse why....it doesn't matter why... he found someone else, he lost attraction for you, he just wanted you for fast sex and now hes done, you didn't want to live together, whatever reason....guess what in the end it doesn't matter why...


So true. 
No matter why, the fact remains: they are not into you. So don't waste any more time on them.



unsure78 said:


> sure and they are really a$$es if they dont even bother to breakup with you proper...but I like rolling Jelly style on it... maybe one send off text then go ghost from your end...when you continue to call or text you just look desperate...better to end it with strength....


Yep. that is why I implement that. If I reach out and don't hear back -- I MIGHT reach out one more time, but even that is hard for me to do. Why? Because I like reciprocity. I do not do that calling/texting over and over again. For instance, that last guy I told you guys about: we were texting and he he told me to call him when I got home. I called once. Did not leave a message. He didn't call me back or text, nothing. So I won't reach out again. I'm not interesting in chasing people. Plus, I like people of their word.



3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, its not me either JB...BUT...:smthumbup:


Hehe. I don't fault you, girl. I am glad you had a good time!



whitehawk said:


> Why TF is everyone l'm meeting though heaps younger


I thought you usually went after the younger ladies?



whitehawk said:


> Different if they're just the fun type but *they're always the all or nothing /keeper type.*


Do you mean that they all want a serious relationship? Explain.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok I am not well versed in ONS. So if I wanted one, do I just say "I want to have sex with you?" on the first meet up? I am pretty to the point. Or "I have not had sex in a long time and want to with you." Obvs, no diseases, protection, the lot.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Ok I am not well versed in ONS. So if I wanted one, do I just say "I want to have sex with you?" on the first meet up? I am pretty to the point. Or "I have not had sex in a long time and want to with you." Obvs, no diseases, protection, the lot.


You are the gatekeeper. Just find the keymaster.


----------



## whitehawk

I thought you usually went after the younger ladies?



Do you mean that they all want a serious relationship? Explain.[/QUOTE]



Nah it's not that , it's just who l seem to attract and end up meeting all the time.
Umm , the second bit , that's a bit hard to explain any further.

But like there's all or nothing keeper types , good women , they have a real quality about them and they won't be messed around or just go for or get involved in [email protected] She'd be someone you would really look at in only a very serious long term way, real.
It's serious to get even just involved with her to see how it goes and not something you just do lightly. Gonna be a lot of depth and chemistry and feelings and so it's going to hurt you both a lot if it fks up.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> FIP im a little behind was busy yesterday... sorry about your breakup with the fireman...Hate to tell you this sh1t happens all the time like that... hot hot hot all about you, then all of a sudden the guy cools, texts less, starts breaking dates...
> 
> So from all my dating experiences in the last 2 years...one of my main mottos has become actions not words, right? I used to try to give guys the benefit when the cooling would happen, oh hes got a family issue, oh stressful at work right now, excuse, excuse, blah, blah... let me tell you if a guy is into you, he will text, he will call, he will make time...
> I had one guy who mother died that day, and guess what he still wanted to see me that night and not break the date...
> 
> He has lost interest PERIOD... it doesn't matter why... best to learn to try not to over analyse why....it doesn't matter why... he found someone else, he lost attraction for you, he just wanted you for fast sex and now hes done, you didn't want to live together, whatever reason....guess what in the end it doesn't matter why... sure and they are really a$$es if they dont even bother to breakup with you proper...but I like rolling Jelly style on it... maybe one send off text then go ghost from your end...when you continue to call or text you just look desperate...better to end it with strength....
> 
> Again im sorry I understand the pain/frustration been there before...hugs hope you are doing better today.


Well, you did warn me!!! Although, in my experience, it's usually been ME doing the cooling, and not the other way around. 

I am doing better, thanks. I was already back on Tinder last night, back to my old tricks, hee hee.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Lame!
> 
> You shoulda said "Too bad the silver line didn't get you a clue that I am not interested."
> 
> HAHAHAHA
> 
> But the non-response was even better.  That's my style.


I'm generally not a mean person, so I couldn't do that one. 

But I did just text him back:
"You made the choice not to call me yesterday. We are no longer together, as in we broke up."

It's a compulsion. I need to have the last word.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Ok I am not well versed in ONS. So if I wanted one, do I just say "I want to have sex with you?" on the first meet up? I am pretty to the point. Or "I have not had sex in a long time and want to with you." Obvs, no diseases, protection, the lot.



Give it to me baby uh hu :rofl: , No seriously, just rape him :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

whitehawk said:


> Give it to me baby uh hu :rofl: , No seriously, just rape him :rofl:


uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok??


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> But like there's all or nothing keeper types , good women , they have a real quality about them and they won't be messed around or just go for or get involved in [email protected] She'd be someone you would really look at in only a very serious long term way, real.


I think that is a good thing. Quality people. Just don't put so much pressure on yourself. Get your own boundaries, too.



FeministInPink said:


> I am doing better, thanks. I was already back on Tinder last night, back to my old tricks, hee hee.


:Rofl: Tinder cracks me up. GREAT way to waste time while talking to randoms. This one guy and I are now instagram friends. Gained a new follower because of Tinder. 



FeministInPink said:


> But I did just text him back:
> "*You made the choice not to call me yesterday. We are no longer together, as in we broke up*."


LOVE THIS.










I want to know what he says if he writes back.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Ok I am not well versed in ONS. So if I wanted one, do I just say "I want to have sex with you?" on the first meet up? I am pretty to the point. Or "I have not had sex in a long time and want to with you." Obvs, no diseases, protection, the lot.


OK, do NOT say either of those things.

Funny, there are a lot of guides online for how guys can land a ONS, but not much for the ladies.

That's because it's pretty easy for us. It's been a while since I've had one, although fireman would have been a ONS if he hadn't asked me out for a second date halfway through our first date 

But I did find this, which should help:
5 Tips for Your First One-Night-Stand - Amanda de Cadenet

Make sure you take a wing-woman with you. Maybe you'll both get to hook up! But you don't want to be the single girl at the bar, it might make you look desperate.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> But I did just text him back:
> *"You made the choice not to call me yesterday. We are no longer together, as in we broke up."*
> 
> 
> 
> LOVE THIS.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I want to know what he says if he writes back.
Click to expand...

So that was a good response, then? Ok, good!

And y'all will definitely be the first to know what he says, if he responds.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> A couple things. A therapist once told me that you don't have to over-share or let people in too deep in order to communicate your needs. That is, they should trust you to have a good reason for making requests. So you could say, I don't find many things irritating, but that one thing you're doing now that I noticed you do and maybe you don't even notice you do it that often is... (insert behavior here)
> 
> .


:iagree:

Looooove this

I dont share. I simply state my opinions and trust the other person to respect my views as I respect his. If there is a conflict, then I might explain the reason I feel so strongly about a subject.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so one guy and I've been out a few times. He came on very strong and seems to have cooled a bit. Also, we made out and the last time I saw him it seemed he was kinda not wanting to make out. WTF? Make out with me! Anyway yesterday he was being super flirty, saying he missed me, etc and said to call him when I got home. So I called him when I did, about twenty minutes later...and he did not answer. And he did not dacll me back or text me. WTF?
> 
> Why do people do these things? I'm wondering if he has someone else or maybe isn't quite ready.
> .


I have not been around the block as much as I would like haha. However, it is my experience that when guys come on too strong, they do not follow through. 

When I first began talking to men on Tinder, some would be like "oh, God you are so hot, i want to do xxxx to you, I miss you blah, blah, blah, blah"
But nothing came out of it, and quite frankly, it turned me off. 
It is like a dog with all bark and no bite (did I use it correctly?)

Maybe I am used to the casual thing I am in, used to not gettign any compliments, or expressions of longing, or sentiments but I like that he texts me often just to see how I am doing. When we do see each other, we cant keep our hands off of each other.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> OK, do NOT say either of those things.


:rofl:

Clearly I need to brush up on my flirting skills. 



FeministInPink said:


> Funny, there are a lot of guides online for how guys can land a ONS, but not much for the ladies.
> 
> But I did find this, which should help:
> 5 Tips for Your First One-Night-Stand - Amanda de Cadenet


LOVE that there is a guideline for this! So funny. 



FeministInPink said:


> But you don't want to be the single girl at the bar, it might make you look desperate.


I am never ever at a bar alone. I'm not that girl. Lol.



FeministInPink said:


> So that was a good response, then? Ok, good!


It was an AWESOME response!



ne9907 said:


> I have not been around the block as much as I would like haha. However, it is my experience that when guys come on too strong, they do not follow through. .


I've had it both ways. As I've mentioned, I either have guys that come on strong and want to follow through, meet the parents, all that sh*t (like I have Future Wife written on my forehead) or the ones who come on strong and fade out into a black hole, like I hallucinated them or something.

There is rarely, if ever, an in between for me. LOL


----------



## FeministInPink

So, came across this video on Facebook today:

https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net...=6ff27a4dca12338fbef29db341bc5b1f&oe=53FF7E94

It's Madea's lecture about how some people are leaves, some are branches, and others are roots. I don't know if y'all will be able to view it, but I thought it was fitting for today.


----------



## FeministInPink

And since I promised y'all would be first to know, here you go:










In case you were wondering, that emoticon is not a mistake. He is very intentional with his emoticons. (If it's too small to see, it's a winking LOL.)


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net...=6ff27a4dca12338fbef29db341bc5b1f&oe=53FF7E94
> 
> It's Madea's lecture


OMG YES! Great advice that really resonated with me!! 

Minute 3:40 to 4:23. PERFECT ADVICE.

All of it is great.

And guess who just texted me...?

Have not responded.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> And since I promised y'all would be first to know, here you go:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In case you were wondering, that emoticon is not a mistake. He is very intentional with his emoticons. (If it's too small to see, it's a winking LOL.)


OMG what a DOUCHE. Seriously.

LOL. "Thank you for the sex but GOOD RIDDANCE."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> And since I promised y'all would be first to know, here you go:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In case you were wondering, that emoticon is not a mistake. He is very intentional with his emoticons. (If it's too small to see, it's a winking LOL.)


DAFUQ?? Really??


----------



## Almostrecovered

can I live vicariously through you guys?


----------



## Dollystanford

I can't see the text, what does it saaaaaay?!


----------



## Jellybeans

Almostrecovered said:


> can I live vicariously through you guys?


Absolutely! Join us, you little turtle man.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dollystanford said:


> I can't see the text, what does it saaaaaay?!


Fireman: _Took the metro like a big boy today_

FIP: _You made the choice not to call me yesterday. We are no longer together, as in we broke up._

Fireman: _K  (wink face emoticon)_

(he texted it twice).


----------



## Almostrecovered

Jellybeans said:


> Absolutely! Join us, you little turtle man.


(puts on his slippers and robe and starts making coffee)


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Fireman: _Took the metro like a big boy today_
> 
> FIP: _You made the choice not to call me yesterday. We are no longer together, as in we broke up._
> 
> Fireman: _K  (wink face emoticon)_
> 
> (he texted it twice).


He's laughing, like he doesn't think I'm serious. That he thinks I'm joking.


----------



## FeministInPink

Dollystanford said:


> I can't see the text, what does it saaaaaay?!


Dolly, were you able to see the others I posted yesterday?


----------



## Jellybeans

Almostrecovered said:


> (puts on his slippers and robe and starts making coffee)


Hehe. ::Hands AR a bag of Cafe Bustelo::



FeministInPink said:


> He's laughing, like he doesn't think I'm serious. That he thinks I'm joking.


Don't respond again.


----------



## Almostrecovered

or text back, "who is this?"


----------



## Dollystanford

I couldn't see them but got the gist from what others posted.

I hate it when people say 'K' - what are you 14?

You shouldn't respond but then I always have to have the last word too so would be tempted to do so


----------



## Jellybeans

Almostrecovered said:


> or text back, "who is this?"


Haha yeah this!

Dammit I am tempted to do this with the guy who told me to call him and then never answered...who is now texting me. LOL


----------



## unsure78

FIP LOL im with the others don't respond...what a douche!

Jelly make him sweat for a bit before you answer...he wont do it again I bet


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I just tell them not to text, call or otherwise contact me in any way, adding that they get one text solely to acknowledge receipt, after that I will consider it harassment. 

I mean, if you want to enjoy them pestering you and begging, etc. that's fine, but for me I like the out of sight out of mind approach. I don't leave any room for interpretation, once a guy has red-flagged he's outtatherace on a permanent basis.


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I just tell them not to text, call or otherwise contact me in any way, adding that they get one text solely to acknowledge receipt, after that I will consider it harassment.
> 
> I mean, if you want to enjoy them pestering you and begging, etc. that's fine, but for me I like the out of sight out of mind approach. I don't leave any room for interpretation, once a guy has red-flagged he's outtatherace on a permanent basis.


This is kind of what I did with one guy. He flaked on me and when he asked me out again all "I miss you" I told him "I am not interested." And, boy, did he start hitting me up so much after that. Inviting me on trips, weekend outings, dinners, birthday parties, did I want to meet his visiting family, etc. It was pathetic. But so funny. 

I was like "Which part did you not understand about me NOT being interested in flakes?"

:rofl:


----------



## movealong

Almostrecovered said:


> or text back, "who is this?"


Text back and say "I change the names in my contacts of guys that turn out to be less than a man to "a*hole". So which "a*hole are you?"


----------



## FeministInPink

Dolly, I always want to have the last word, too, so it's a little hard to resist. I really want to give him a piece of my mind.

I'm not planning on responding. If he could be an adult about this, call me and have an honest, adult conversation about what happened and why it's unacceptable, and if he wanted to make an effort to be better, I would be willing to give him another chance.

Because everyone here is like, "What a douche!" His behavior over the last week has been douchey, immature, and unacceptable in a healthy adult relationship, but that doesn't make him a douche. He's damaged, and he has issues, but he's not a *bad* person. To be honest, I think he responds like this because he doesn't know HOW to respond; he's emotionally stunted. He didn't expect me to do this, because he thought I would just roll with it, so he's laughing it off because he doesn't know what else to do.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Ok I am not well versed in ONS. So if I wanted one, do I just say "I want to have sex with you?" on the first meet up? I am pretty to the point. Or "I have not had sex in a long time and want to with you." Obvs, no diseases, protection, the lot.


This made me :rofl:! 

For me I think it was all about the liquid courage, lol! Beer and Fireball! When I first saw this guy, I thought he was SO hot, and it hit me in some deep down animal instinct place or something! I flirted a little bit, nothing major, but pretty much eye fvcked him all day. As the day/evening went on, he started touching me a lot and the next thing I knew he kissed me..so the rest of the evening we were all over each other. He said I should go back to his house with him to stay over and to my surprise I was all *"OKAY!!!"*!  (I was like, um, WHO IS THIS?? to myself, haha!)


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Dolly, I always want to have the last word, too, so it's a little hard to resist. I really want to give him a piece of my mind.
> 
> I'm not planning on responding. If he could be an adult about this, call me and have an honest, adult conversation about what happened and why it's unacceptable, and if he wanted to make an effort to be better, I would be willing to give him another chance.
> 
> Because everyone here is like, "What a douche!" His behavior over the last week has been douchey, immature, and unacceptable in a healthy adult relationship, but that doesn't make him a douche. He's damaged, and he has issues, but he's not a *bad* person. To be honest, I think he responds like this because he doesn't know HOW to respond; he's emotionally stunted. He didn't expect me to do this, because he thought I would just roll with it, so he's laughing it off because he doesn't know what else to do.


FIP hugs and don't waste another minute thinking about him!!!! (I know easier said than done)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> This is kind of what I did with one guy. He flaked on me and when he asked me out again all "I miss you" I told him "I am not interested." And, boy, did he start hitting me up so much after that. Inviting me on trips, weekend outings, dinners, birthday parties, did I want to meet his visiting family, etc. It was pathetic. But so funny.
> 
> I was like "Which part did you not understand about me NOT being interested in flakes?"
> 
> :rofl:


I work, in part, in mental health and you would not believe the amount of stalking that can go on. It pays to be firm. If anything happens, and you have not got an acknowledgement from them that you don't want to be contacted, you have to start all over doing that. If you can show that you asked, they acknowledged, and they still stalked or harassed you, they can be arrested for this behavior. Most stalkers are aware of this, they will then move on to easier pickings. It's easy to just say, oh, they wouldn't do that...but oh, yes they would. So unless you want some creepster all over your social media and favorite hang out places, it's better to be firm. This goes along with not over-sharing...

Your life might be a little bit more boring than usual, and most people are addicted to adrenaline in some way (primarily because it's addictive, lol) but there are better ways to feed that beast.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Because everyone here is like, "What a douche!" His behavior over the last week has been douchey, immature, and unacceptable in a healthy adult relationship, but that doesn't make him a douche. He's damaged, and he has issues, but he's not a *bad* person. To be honest, I think he responds like this because he doesn't know HOW to respond; he's emotionally stunted. He didn't expect me to do this, because he thought I would just roll with it, so he's laughing it off because he doesn't know what else to do.


You know him better than we do. If you wish to give him a second chance, you should. Not everything is about love, but maybe enjoying each others company. If you feel he is a good person, and has not disrespected you then think it over.
Often times, people have different levels of communication, as if you two have not discussed this bit of a problem, perhaps a second chance is in order.
But I do believe you should wait for him to initiate a reconciliation of some sorts. Maybe he will, maybe he wont. But if you cave in, he will know he can act as immature as he wants.

Good luck!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> You know him better than we do. If you wish to give him a second chance, you should. Not everything is about love, but maybe enjoying each others company. If you feel he is a good person, and has not disrespected you then think it over.
> Often times, people have different levels of communication, as if you two have not discussed this bit of a problem, perhaps a second chance is in order.
> *But I do believe you should wait for him to initiate a reconciliation of some sorts.* Maybe he will, maybe he wont. But if you cave in, he will know he can act as immature as he wants.
> 
> Good luck!


I never had the chance to discuss this problem with him, because he didn't call me back. He's never disrespected me, I enjoy spending time with him, and he is generous and kind. I want to give him a second chance, but he needs to ask for it. 

The one thing I hear over and over again, so which therefore is probably the most reliable piece of advice, is that if a man wants to see you or be with you, he will make it happen. So, if he wants me and if he wants another shot to do this right, he needs to initiate and make it happen. There's no way I'm going to call him up and be like, "baby, let me give you another chance." I was easy the first time around; if he wants me, he's gonna have to work for it this round. He has to make the first move, which means he's going to have to make himself vulnerable, and people don't like that. I guess he'll just have to decide whether or not I'm worth it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I work, in part, in mental health and you would not believe the amount of stalking that can go on. It pays to be firm.
> 
> Your life might be a little bit more boring than usual, and most people are addicted to adrenaline in some way (primarily because it's addictive, lol) but there are better ways to feed that beast.


Good looking out. It's ok though. This happened awhile ago. 



3Xnocharm said:


> When I first saw this guy, I thought he was SO hot, *and it hit me in some deep down animal instinct place or something*!


:smthumbup: LOL SO funny!

And he was a youngin' too? Love it!



FeministInPink said:


> The one thing I hear over and over again, so which therefore is probably the most reliable piece of advice, is tha*t if a man wants to see you or be with you, he will make it happen*


I totally agree. Where there is a will...


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> I never had the chance to discuss this problem with him, because he didn't call me back. He's never disrespected me, I enjoy spending time with him, and he is generous and kind. I want to give him a second chance, but he needs to ask for it.
> 
> The one thing I hear over and over again, so which therefore is probably the most reliable piece of advice, is that if a man wants to see you or be with you, he will make it happen. So, if he wants me and if he wants another shot to do this right, he needs to initiate and make it happen. There's no way I'm going to call him up and be like, "baby, let me give you another chance." I was easy the first time around; if he wants me, he's gonna have to work for it this round. He has to make the first move, which means he's going to have to make himself vulnerable, and people don't like that. I guess he'll just have to decide whether or not I'm worth it.


I'm easy to get, but really hard to keep! :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup: LOL SO funny!
> 
> And he was a youngin' too? Love it!


Seriously! I like, literally wanted to EAT HIM!  And yes he was a yougin!


----------



## Durnik

Yup, I think I'm convinced - my relationship with Netflix is excitement enough for me.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I'm easy to get, but really hard to keep! :rofl:



I'm the opposite. Hard to get, but I'll tolerate a heck of a lot once I give in.


----------



## ne9907

I did a bad bad thing....last night.

I have been stressing out a lot because of work, promotion, orders, etc... This week has been kinda hellish for me. 
Blue eyes is out of town (no surprise / anyway, we have had conflicting schedules and have not gotten together in about two weeks. 
I told him I was back in town, but he is out of town, we cant see each other. I was frustrated, extremely frustrated.
I went a bit overboard last night after I learned blue eyes was out of town. I got pissed off. So I texted a guy I know and asked him if he would be interested in a purely sexual relationship.
He said he wanted more but he could do that. Anyway, we texted for about three hours outlining this arrangement.
Now, I do not wish to do this. 
I was frustrated last night, I was horny, I was careless, and a bit stupid. But I seriously DO NOT want to engage in this arrangement with him.
We discussed sex likes/dislikes, rules, a lot of things. We are definitely not sexually compatible (he does some things I do not like), I am too vanilla for him (yeah, he is a freak).

What is a good way to get out of this? Or should I just simply tell him I changed my mind?


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> . . . if he wanted to make an effort to be better, I would be willing to give him another chance.
> 
> . . . He's damaged, and he has issues, but he's not a *bad* person. To be honest, I think he responds like this because he doesn't know HOW to respond; he's emotionally stunted.


I'm not sure why you would give him another chance if you know he is damaged and "emotionally stunted." 



ne9907 said:


> I did a bad bad thing....last night.
> 
> I have been stressing out a lot because of work, promotion, orders, etc... This week has been kinda hellish for me.
> Blue eyes is out of town (no surprise / anyway, we have had conflicting schedules and have not gotten together in about two weeks.
> I told him I was back in town, but he is out of town, we cant see each other. I was frustrated, extremely frustrated.
> I went a bit overboard last night after I learned blue eyes was out of town. I got pissed off. So I texted a guy I know and asked him if he would be interested in a purely sexual relationship.
> He said he wanted more but he could do that. Anyway, we texted for about three hours outlining this arrangement.
> Now, I do not wish to do this.
> I was frustrated last night, I was horny, I was careless, and a bit stupid. But I seriously DO NOT want to engage in this arrangement with him.
> We discussed sex likes/dislikes, rules, a lot of things. We are definitely not sexually compatible (he does some things I do not like), I am too vanilla for him (yeah, he is a freak).
> 
> What is a good way to get out of this? Or should I just simply tell him I changed my mind?


Just text and say you changed your mind and are not interested in it after all. You don't owe him anything more than that.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I did a bad bad thing....last night.
> 
> I have been stressing out a lot because of work, promotion, orders, etc... This week has been kinda hellish for me.
> Blue eyes is out of town (no surprise / anyway, we have had conflicting schedules and have not gotten together in about two weeks.
> I told him I was back in town, but he is out of town, we cant see each other. I was frustrated, extremely frustrated.
> I went a bit overboard last night after I learned blue eyes was out of town. I got pissed off. So I texted a guy I know and asked him if he would be interested in a purely sexual relationship.
> He said he wanted more but he could do that. Anyway, we texted for about three hours outlining this arrangement.
> Now, I do not wish to do this.
> I was frustrated last night, I was horny, I was careless, and a bit stupid. But I seriously DO NOT want to engage in this arrangement with him.
> We discussed sex likes/dislikes, rules, a lot of things. *We are definitely not sexually compatible (he does some things I do not like), I am too vanilla for him (yeah, he is a freak).*
> 
> What is a good way to get out of this? Or should I just simply tell him I changed my mind?


Tell him after some additional thought, you don't think that the two of you would be compatible, and so you're regretfully rescinding your offer. Tell him you're glad that you both talked about it, rather than jumping right in, so you could figure out the incompatibility before things got too hairy.

Don't say anything about the frustration, horny-ness, carelessness, or being stupid. That will just make him feel worse, since he clearly wants a relationship with you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Tell him after some additional thought, you don't think that the two of you would be compatible, and so you're regretfully rescinding your offer. Tell him you're glad that you both talked about it, rather than jumping right in, so you could figure out the incompatibility before things got too hairy.
> 
> Don't say anything about the frustration, horny-ness, carelessness, or being stupid. That will just make him feel worse, since he clearly wants a relationship with you.


Yeah, a sex only relationship with someone you arent sexually compatible with makes zero sense. Suck it up and apologize, and move on.


----------



## moxy

Ne, is this guy someone with whom you think you could have a relationship? Maybe you could consider dating him? If not, then maybe you could just say that you're glad you both discussed it, but, after some thought, it might not be a good idea at this time, after all.


----------



## moxy

For the first time in a very, very long time, I'm not feeling like a horny teenager. I dislike this calm and exhausted mood. It's horrible. However, I miss Guy and wish we could hang out. We haven't texted in a few days or hooked up in a bit over a week. Life feels very strange today.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> Dolly, I always want to have the last word, too, so it's a little hard to resist. I really want to give him a piece of my mind.
> 
> I'm not planning on responding. If he could be an adult about this, call me and have an honest, adult conversation about what happened and why it's unacceptable, and if he wanted to make an effort to be better, I would be willing to give him another chance.
> 
> Because everyone here is like, "What a douche!" His behavior over the last week has been douchey, immature, and unacceptable in a healthy adult relationship, but that doesn't make him a douche. He's damaged, and he has issues, but he's not a *bad* person. To be honest, I think he responds like this because he doesn't know HOW to respond; he's emotionally stunted. He didn't expect me to do this, because he thought I would just roll with it, so he's laughing it off because he doesn't know what else to do.


Yes. That was my first thought: he is acting like a child.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I'm not sure why you would give him another chance if you know he is damaged and "emotionally stunted."


Because we're all damaged and emotionally stunted in one way or another. Anyone who says they're 100% emotionally healthy is either lying or fooling themselves. We do the best with what we're given, and try to get better. And if I was in the same position, I hope the other person would be willing to give me a second chance to fix my mistakes.

If we all had to live life defined and limited solely by our mistakes, we would all be fvcked, every single one of us.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> Because we're all damaged and emotionally stunted in one way or another. Anyone who says they're 100% emotionally healthy is either lying or fooling themselves. We do the best with what we're given, and try to get better. And if I was in the same position, I hope the other person would be willing to give me a second chance to fix my mistakes.
> 
> If we all had to live life defined and limited solely by our mistakes, we would all be fvcked, every single one of us.


While I totally agree with you that everyone makes mistakes and everyone has issues, I think that overall our post D relationship goal is to find the healthiest person and relationship possible... its not only about being able to forgive someone, it about having enough boundaries to cut bait when someone does have major issues....(and you did, bravo!)

If the tables were reversed would you have acted like a child about it to him, FIP? Im guessing not...

It wasnt like he was late one time or grumpy one day...or even recognizing his poor behavior... nope



No one is perfect thats for sure, but a lot of my post D life (because pre D life I would allow toxic people to stay in my life) is about choosing the right people and NOT always giving people the benefit of the doubt....actions not words
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

I am such an advocate of watching actions and not just listening to words.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> I am such an advocate of watching actions and not just listening to words.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

my finger got tired of pressing the I AGREE emoticon... but I agree 100000x infinity


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> While I totally agree with you that everyone makes mistakes and everyone has issues, I think that overall our post D relationship goal is to find the healthiest person and relationship possible... its not only about being able to forgive someone, it about having enough boundaries to cut bait when someone does have major issues....(and you did, bravo!)
> 
> If the tables were reversed would you have acted like a child about it to him, FIP? Im guessing not...
> 
> It wasnt like he was late one time or grumpy one day...or even recognizing his poor behavior... nope
> 
> 
> 
> No one is perfect thats for sure, but a lot of my post D life (because pre D life I would allow toxic people to stay in my life) is about choosing the right people and NOT always giving people the benefit of the doubt....actions not words
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. If I were to give him a second chance, it would only be if he demonstrated a clear understanding of what he did wrong and actively made an effort to change the bad behaviors. 

Which is unlikely to happen, so he is unlikely to get a second chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Jellybeans said:


> Ok so one guy and I've been out a few times. He came on very strong and seems to have cooled a bit. Also, we made out and the last time I saw him it seemed he was kinda not wanting to make out. WTF? Make out with me! Anyway yesterday he was being super flirty, saying he missed me, etc and said to call him when I got home. So I called him when I did, about twenty minutes later...and he did not answer. And he did not dacll me back or text me. WTF?
> 
> Why do people do these things? I'm wondering if he has someone else or maybe isn't quite ready.
> 
> The making out thing bothered me. He was so into it the first time we did and then kept talking it up, saying all the things he was going to do to me and then the last time...nothing. Weird, right? Why would a guy do that? I was looking cute, too. I want some [email protected]
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like a fun date!
> 
> 
> 
> You over-analyze way too much. It's just a dream.
> 
> 
> Whitehawk - ask her out. You have nothing to lose.


Sounds like disc golf. I couldn't even get him to be a booty call (once a month is not a booty call) and all cuz there was someone else. Well not really someone else, but an ex he was still hung up on.

So be careful with your feelings on this one, JB


----------



## moxy

vi, good to see you!

It sucks that people act so weird when they are hung up on others or on issues. It's even worse when they leave you guessing, so you don't know what's going on.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> vi, good to see you!
> 
> It sucks that people act so weird when they are hung up on others or on issues. It's even worse when they leave you guessing, so you don't know what's going on.


Hi  

Happy I haven't been dating and actually got a huge massive text from disc a couple weeks ago... After over a month of NC. Saying how he missed me and crap. Lmao, I think he must be having problems getting into the other girls pants or something. Haha, I don't even know how he could miss me, he never wanted to hang out in the first place

Anyways I never replied and actually forgot he even texted me until posting LOL!!! 

So you getting laid soon, JB or what? It's almost Sept 

Hope everyone is well and enjoying life, especially summer weather. Winter and the polar vortex are right around the corner!!


----------



## Nsweet

VI! How have you been? 

Missed you around here.


----------



## whitehawk

Well we're having a date of sorts tomorrow. Best we can do under the circumstances anyway unless we wanna wait another wk.
But hey it'll be really nice anyway and we can't wait.
It's funny really. l've gotta drop my daughter of at her place tomorrow bc she's hanging out with hers for the arvo. So we pulled a shifty and just told them we've just gotta go do some stuff for a few hours. And we reckon they hopefully won't think anything of it and all will be well with the world coz they'll be too busy doin their thing to give a [email protected]
So we're just gonna get outa the house really , go for a coffee , walk . Should be really nice though bc if the other day was anything to go by , it won't matter what the hell we're doing anyway .

But , although l can't wait to be around her again , l'm feeling pretty negative about it. Thing is , we've been text and calling all day today and l find out she's 18 yrs younger than me. Makes no difference we hit it off so well and think the same on just about everything so far even music .
Trouble is l know it could get serious with her,
So if it did , l just feel l wouldn't wanna get involved long term with that sorta age gap at this stage, l just think it might be asking for trouble down the track and after everything l've been though in this last 2 yrs, l'm not setting myself up for that again in 15yrs time for example,

So l dunno.Can't wait tosee her again but l'm thinking l must be crazy.


----------



## whitehawk

Strangest thing. Told you guys about her yesterday and l couldn't get her outa my head all night. Next morning l was missing her like crazy , which is pretty stoopid really considering . But l had a pretty big day on anyway so really l thought well, heaps on , no time or excuses to ring her anyway , no way ain't gonna happen today just get on with things.
10 mins after just thinking that , she text me for something anyway, eee haaa :smthumbup:
One thing lead to another and we basically spent the whole day text or calling after all.

Do feel like l'm opening a can of worms though and so should be actually walking away, not this so, fkkkk !

Well , l'm going tomorrow and who knows , maybe we'll hate each other this time and that'll fix that :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

And that, WH is how I want to meet someone. Not through a dating site! Congrats man, enjoy her company.


----------



## moxy

WH, don't worry about the age difference at this point. Just go have fun and see if anything happens.


----------



## whitehawk

Ah thanks vi. Must admit , it is soooo normal like . l know a few people here have struck it lucky through their date site and l'm happy for them but it is a very very weird surreal business if you don't.

Yet anyone l've met in RL so far , it's just real. normal, natural , so nice .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> WH, don't worry about the age difference at this point. Just go have fun and see if anything happens.



You think mox. l admit l would just have some fun with it if it was just one of those nothing ones . Could be a bit more serious though this one. Oh well, l've gotta see her anyway, that's all l know for now.


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> You think mox. l admit l would just have some fun with it if it was just one of those nothing ones . Could be a bit more serious though this one. Oh well, l've gotta see her anyway, that's all l know for now.


WH, I agree with moxy. Don't worry about the age difference for now. Just go with it, and you can cross that bridge when you get to it, if it even becomes an issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

WH if the two of you really click that well, then the age diff wont matter! My friend has been married to her H for over 20 years, and they have a 20+ yr age difference!


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> You think mox. l admit l would just have some fun with it if it was just one of those nothing ones . Could be a bit more serious though this one. Oh well, l've gotta see her anyway, that's all l know for now.


I don't mean go have sex and don't think about the consequences of your emotional connection; that's not what I mean by fun. I mean that you should enjoy getting to know her and letting things develop naturally, without worrying about whether age even matters at this point. It sounds like you both really liked hanging out with each other, that you have a good rapport, that you both have good chemistry, that you both know enough about each other's lives to be able to understand one another. Those kinds of things are so much more important than age, body type, finances, or education at this point; the stuff that's on paper might help you determine compatibility, but, in an early stage of the relationship, compatibility has more to do with values, personalities, and ideals than it does with circumstantial factors. So, go get to know her and let things be! 



FeministInPink said:


> Just go with it, and you can cross that bridge when you get to it, if it even becomes an issue.


Exactly!



3Xnocharm said:


> WH if the two of you really click that well, then the age diff wont matter! My friend has been married to her H for over 20 years, and they have a 20+ yr age difference!


Very good point. And, those kinds of stories are not that uncommon, too!


----------



## moxy

vi and WH -- I agree that online dating can be so much more stressful than meeting someone in RL; it is fun, though, and some have better luck than others, due perhaps to better boundaries or objectives. Most of the guys I've heard from through OKC just wanna hook up and are not really interested in getting to know me as a person; so, they don't treat me with respect or courtesy. Also, they tend to flake out more often because there is no real life person to disappoint yet, just a profile on a screen; I find this insulting and annoying! I never actually managed to go beyond phone calls to meet with anyone, though there were a couple of people with whom it seemed possible to give it a go. It's entirely possible that Guy (who I met in RL, not online) only wants sex, but he may want other things, too. However, the difference is that, because I am a real life person to him, he is often more respectful about how he treats me in general, choosing to see me as a person, rather than only as a means to convenient orgasm. Since he asked me to promise exclusivity, I haven't been on OKC. I'm soooo fiending for attention, now (and wishing he were giving it, and surprised to feel this way), but...I also feel a little relieved of the pressure to make a successful choice among so many options, which wasn't really panning out. Flirting is fun as hell, but, I wanted more than that.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> got a huge massive text from disc a couple weeks ago... After over a month of NC. Saying how he missed me and crap.
> 
> Haha, I don't even know how he could miss me, he never wanted to hang out in the first place


LOL,. Oh man. Yeah something prob went wrong and now he is calling you. Whatevs! Did you respond?



vi_bride04 said:


> So you getting laid soon, JB or what? It's almost Sept


:corkysm60:

It is done.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Thing is , we've been text and calling all day today and l find out she's 18 yrs younger than me.
> Trouble is l know it could get serious with her,
> So if it did , l just feel l wouldn't wanna get involved long term with that sorta age gap at this stage, l just think it might be asking for trouble down the track


Just go. Enjoy it. How old are you? I can't remember. I thought you always preferred them way younger?


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> vi_bride04 said:
> 
> 
> 
> So you getting laid soon, JB or what? It's almost Sept
> 
> 
> 
> :corkysm60:
> 
> It is done.
Click to expand...

No sh!t! Did you ONS last night???

EDIT: Or did I miss something from an earlier post???


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> :corkysm60:
> 
> It is done.


Wait..WHAT????


----------



## Jellybeans

The mission was completed some time ago (and again and again and again and again). I just never announced it.


----------



## COguy

Jellybeans said:


> The mission was completed some time ago (and again and again and again and again). I just never announced it.


LOL I stayed out of 1500 pages of this thread....this warrants a congratulations.

How was it?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> The mission was completed some time ago (and again and again and again and again). I just never announced it.


I feel so BETRAYED!!  You're supposed to share the good stuff!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> The mission was completed some time ago (and again and again and again and again). I just never announced it.


Ha ha, nicely done.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> The mission was completed some time ago (and again and again and again and again). I just never announced it.


Congratulations Jelly!!


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> I feel so BETRAYED!!  You're supposed to share the good stuff!


I'm very undercover. I never announced when I got married or divorced. D was 3 yrs ago and just earlier this year a colleague asked me how my husband was doing.





COguy said:


> LOL I stayed out of 1500 pages of this thread....this warrants a congratulations.
> 
> How was it?


Amazing. Thank you.



FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, nicely done.


Grazie.



ne9907 said:


> Congratulations Jelly!!












Danke. You guys are the best friends.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Since he asked me to promise exclusivity,.


 Yay for you!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I'm very undercover. I never announced when I got married or divorced. D was 3 yrs ago and just earlier this year a colleague asked me how my husband was doing.
> 
> 
> 
> Amazing. Thank you.
> 
> Grazie.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Danke. You guys are the best friends.


Look how she's all quiet and low key about it..."amazing. Thank you." :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Look how she's all quiet and low key about it..."amazing. Thank you." :rofl:


What can I say? I'm a lady.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Well we're having a date of sorts tomorrow. Best we can do under the circumstances anyway unless we wanna wait another wk.
> But hey it'll be really nice anyway and we can't wait.
> It's funny really. l've gotta drop my daughter of at her place tomorrow bc she's hanging out with hers for the arvo. So we pulled a shifty and just told them we've just gotta go do some stuff for a few hours. And we reckon they hopefully won't think anything of it and all will be well with the world coz they'll be too busy doin their thing to give a [email protected]
> So we're just gonna get outa the house really , go for a coffee , walk . Should be really nice though bc if the other day was anything to go by , it won't matter what the hell we're doing anyway .
> 
> But , although l can't wait to be around her again , l'm feeling pretty negative about it. Thing is , we've been text and calling all day today and l find out she's 18 yrs younger than me. Makes no difference we hit it off so well and think the same on just about everything so far even music .
> Trouble is l know it could get serious with her,
> So if it did , l just feel l wouldn't wanna get involved long term with that sorta age gap at this stage, l just think it might be asking for trouble down the track and after everything l've been though in this last 2 yrs, l'm not setting myself up for that again in 15yrs time for example,
> 
> So l dunno.Can't wait tosee her again but l'm thinking l must be crazy.


Wait....how old are you? I was thinking mid 30s, but clearly, must be wrong.

18 years is a significant gap...at almost every life phase.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> What can I say? I'm a lady.


I swear you said something about it! Or insinuated about it or something cause I thought I commented...maybe I just read between the lines somewhere :scratchhead:
Wasn't it from a date site?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I swear you said something about it!


I hadn't mentioned it here.



Another Planet said:


> Wasn't it from a date site?


Nope.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Yay for you!!!


Not sure if it counts because it was during some naughty fun, however, I took it seriously when I said yes to it, so...I'm being good.


Jelly -- Yay!!!  Keep having fun!!


----------



## ne9907

Hi AP
Are you feeling better? If not, i can tell you a funny story, a rauchy story, or a scary story. Your pick!


----------



## unsure78

Thats right AP, did I miss what happened? or you haven't posted yet?


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I hadn't mentioned it here.
> 
> 
> 
> Nope.


Hmm congrats none the less 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Hmm congrats none the less
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's being so cryptic! :slap:


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Hi AP
> Are you feeling better? If not, i can tell you a funny story, a rauchy story, or a scary story. Your pick!


I don't really know how I feel honestly. Just disapointed I guess. Like what the fvck is the point of everything.

It's a long story guys. I'll get to it sooner or later just been busy. 
Yes it is about my GF and I :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Sending you a big hug. 

Remember, no matter what, you will get through it. There is always a brighter tomorrow.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I don't really know how I feel honestly. Just disapointed I guess. Like what the fvck is the point of everything.
> 
> It's a long story guys. I'll get to it sooner or later just been busy.
> Yes it is about my GF and I :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Want me to beat her up?
I am small but I can totally take her.


----------



## bravenewworld

Haha congrats Jelly! Glad to hear you had some pants-less party time. :smthumbup:

What a week! Just started a new job and while I like it so far the training has been intense. Lots of memorizing and being on my feet all day. 

Today woke up to a messy/neglected apartment, rejection from a big artistic fellowship I applied for, and a stress induced cold sore on my lower lip. 

I want ice cream.


----------



## unsure78

has anyone else been reading bobsmith thread in LAD? Quite the entertaining read....


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Oooo ice cream sounds sooo good right now brave... do it you deserve it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> I don't really know how I feel honestly. Just disapointed I guess. Like what the fvck is the point of everything.
> 
> It's a long story guys. I'll get to it sooner or later just been busy.
> Yes it is about my GF and I :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is no point, only the points you want to make. So that takes the pressure off. You can be selective and minimalist in your points. 

The only goal of a human should be to pleasantly survive the day in the way that best suits their needs, given their current circumstances and opportunities. Maybe do a little bit to ensure the pleasantness of the next day, and if they have their own sh*t taken care of, or are a parent, take care of other people's life experience too on a day to day or ad-hoc basis. 

But not too much more than that. 
Humans are not super-heros. That would break us.


----------



## whitehawk

Hang in there AP , hope it pans out for you.


----------



## bravenewworld

unsure78 said:


> has anyone else been reading bobsmith thread in LAD? Quite the entertaining read....


Yes! Oh geez, bobsmith is quite the character. He needs his own sitcom. 

Another thread I've been checking out is the personal trainer one in general discussion. Makes me get the "cavemen of TAM" complaints. The idea a woman should NEVER have a male personal trainer?? Really? I've had several, and while I sometimes wished for sexual harassment, it never occurred. 

In Bandit's case I get where he is coming from because him and Syrian both agreed to the exact same standards, but some dude beating his chest and saying "me man. you woman. you no talk to other men ever." does not impress me. 

Just put a pint of Ben & Jerry's everything but the kitchen sink in the freezer. :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Well, l always bs about my age for fun but l'm 48 , she's 31.
Too weird though, ex has brought her up a few times , before this l mean, like mths ago. She's asked and snooped a bit about her too. Then again , ex is famous for sensing things yrs before they even happen sometimes , [email protected] must know something l don't though. They don't really know each other , matter of fact l don't think they like each other either.
Anyway , l tried to laugh it of [didn't work] and said nah, l think she's only early 30s anyway. Ex said so fkg what , the hours you keep you need that anyway don't worry about it.
l'm thinking wtf , this convo with my ex , get me outa here someone :rofl:

Anyway , one things for sure , seems if l'm gonna hook up with anyone she's gonna be younger bc every girl l'm met so far has been at least 10 yrs younger , every one. Ex was 11 younger .

Oh well , probably fizzle anyway so l dunno what l'm even worried about. But you just try to avoid any potential crap don't you after going through this [email protected] , and probably try way to hard to avoid it,


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hey whitehawk, just think ... if you two hit off and work out, you'll have someone young enough to change your Depends for years to come!!

I kid I kid!!! Bahaha!


----------



## RandomDude

I'm almost 30 but I look early 20s, believe it or not I still get asked for ID! FFS I married, have a child, and my own enterprise and you think I'm fking underage?! BAH!

Eventually they realised how insulting it can be so the government put a sign up on liquor stores: "If you are lucky enough to look young for your age please don't be offended if we ask for ID"... pffft!

Anyways, my dates have mostly been mid 20s, ex's older than me however. Maybe that's the thing, I should stop dating younger women! Bah!


----------



## whitehawk

This'll be a new one for the dating thread.
We had a beautiful few hrs together , really funny but really nice. Got it from the horses mouth , or in this case the mares, she's 34, not to bad. 
But the kids wouldn't leave us alone and dagged us stupid, they even ended up coming for coffee with us , how's that for a first date.
They smelt a rat. We thought we had it covered and l'm just helping her with furniture stuff because they just moved in and my d could just hang out with her friend.
Hu , she didn't buy it and gave me the 3rd degree all the way there , then they both hung around , watching us like hawks . Seems as we're suppose to be just friends , this was funny/awkward . Her daughter would love it but mine, it's way too soon. 
Then her son come home , 16 , and joined the girls .
She kept whispering jokes to me but l think they caught every one .
It was like trying to have a date infront of your parents :rofl: . Really , it was bloody funny .
She looked soooo nice but we even got caught sneaking a few little brushes and whispers when all looked safe . l couldn't even touch , youch. The kids were all over it :lol: . They knew mum was a bit different and looked especially nice and we were way closer than we were suppose to be . 
We even got chaperoned to the car when l left .
Hmm , this is gonna be fun . She whispered to me giglling , umm , think we're gonna have to get a bit more creative and her daughter yells out laughing , what do ya mean creative mum, little [email protected] even picked that up from the other side of the car.

So there ya go , there's a first date for ya .
l'm gonna have to work nights so we can meet up during school hours l think :rofl:


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> Anyway , one things for sure , seems if l'm gonna hook up with anyone she's gonna be younger bc every girl l'm met so far has been at least 10 yrs younger , every one. Ex was 11 younger .
> 
> Oh well , probably fizzle anyway so l dunno what l'm even worried about. But you just try to avoid any potential crap don't you after going through this [email protected] , and probably try way to hard to avoid it,


Speaking of younger.....

Although I took a step back from dating, I met someone who gives me a major lady boner and I've decided I'm going to dip a toe in the pool and test the water....

The prob is I thought we were around the same age and it turns out he is 10 YEARS younger. Since men already feel kind of younger maturity-wise...it seems like I am borderline lurking around a high school. Damn you men and your beards that age you up! ::shakes fist:: 

However, he is hot and funny and I'm hoping that will transcend my trepidation. Any tips on dating someone a lot younger? I want to feel sexy, not like a grammy. The last guy I dated was only 5 years younger and I could definitely feel the difference. 

I swear, only the youngins like me. :scratchhead:


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> This'll be a new one for the dating thread.
> We had a beautiful few hrs together , really funny but really nice. Got it from the horses mouth , or in this case the mares, she's 34, not to bad.
> But the kids wouldn't leave us alone and dagged us stupid, they even ended up coming for coffee with us , how's that for a first date.
> They smelt a rat. We thought we had it covered and l'm just helping her with furniture stuff because they just moved in and my d could just hang out with her friend.
> Hu , she didn't buy it and gave me the 3rd degree all the way there , then they both hung around , watching us like hawks . Seems as we're suppose to be just friends , this was funny/awkward . Her daughter would love it but mine, it's way too soon.
> Then her son come home , 16 , and joined the girls .
> She kept whispering jokes to me but l think they caught everyone .
> It was like trying to have a date infront of your parents :rofl: . Really , it was bloody funny .
> She looked soooo nice but we even got caught sneaking a few little brushes and whispers when all looked safe . l couldn't even touch , youch. The kids were all over it :lol: . They knew mum was a bit different and looked especially nice and we were way closer than we were suppose to be .
> We even got chaperoned to the car when l left .
> Hmm , this is gonna be fun . She whispered to me giglling , umm , think we're gonna have to get a bit more creative and her daughter yells out laughing , what do ya mean creative mum, little [email protected] even picked that up from the other side of the car.
> 
> So there ya go , there's a first date for ya .
> l'm gonna have to work nights so we can meet up during school hours l think :rofl:


Funny! I would have been like, "y'all kids need to get up in your damn room and do something." Not much of a date if you can't get in some kissing and a good butt squeeze! 

Once again, probably a good thing no one I've dated has had kids. I'm like a wicked Disney stepmom in the making! ::lightening:: :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> I'm almost 30 but I look early 20s, believe it or not I still get asked for ID! FFS I married, have a child, and my own enterprise and you think I'm fking underage?! BAH!
> 
> Eventually they realised how insulting it can be so the government put a sign up on liquor stores: "If you are lucky enough to look young for your age please don't be offended if we ask for ID"... pffft!
> 
> Anyways, my dates have mostly been mid 20s, ex's older than me however. Maybe that's the thing, I should stop dating younger women! Bah!


Haha yep use to get the same back then . Any day now they'll stop asking you and you'll just walk striaght in. And then it's like hang on, somethings wrong . 28 to 30 they stopped asking me. 
Her daughter - very tactfully :rofl: , decided to ask everyone what yr they were born. l know her daughter really well bc she's been stayin over our place for yrs. This was funny , the whole time was funny actually. But she started with her brother , then mum , then my daughter and then it was like - OH W H , she thought she was being so clever too


----------



## poppyseed

bravenewworld said:


> I want ice cream.


 :smthumbup: Go for it!! (and enjoy!) Mmmmmm...


----------



## poppyseed

ne9907 said:


> I am small but I can totally take her.


:rofl::rofl::rofl: :smthumbup: I luv it!!


----------



## poppyseed

06Daddio08 said:


> Hey whitehawk, just think ... if you two hit off and work out, you'll have someone young enough to change your Depends for years to come!!
> 
> I kid I kid!!! Bahaha!


 :rofl:

Daddio, that's a great point. lol Perhaps, some ideas for a new thread coming on? It's interesting to explore more about this age difference in dating. I did notice older men don't seem to care about some *huge* age difference - purely, looks-driven (?). It seems, younger the better for SOME but quite a few older guys. He could date 20 years younger females and he's totally comfortable / "natural" even. Then there are some funny sides to that as well which you incidentally brought up. :lol:


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Funny! I would have been like, "y'all kids need to get up in your damn room and do something." Not much of a date if you can't get in some kissing and a good butt squeeze!
> 
> Once again, probably a good thing no one I've dated has had kids. I'm like a wicked Disney stepmom in the making! ::lightening:: :rofl:


Ya get use to all the sacrifices you have to make for kids , it's cool and can be funny. But haha yeah she went in and set them up about 10 times. They don't even need setting up , normally they'll just take of and have some fun. 
Wasn't gonna happen today though , ******. :rofl:
But l can say one thing though ,as much as l like her , the kids side, it is tricky. Especially with two kids sides to worry about.
The son seems like a brilliant kid and he really loves his mum . But he's had a lot of issues with his dad for example and l'm the first guy that's been around his mum in years . In front of him anyway. 
l feel really sorry for him with some of the crap between him and his dad. And he's as protective as with his mum. We seemed to like each other but hey , l was only meant to be helping out.
Not sure how that would be if it became otherwise.
It's really made me think.
Although we couldn't even lete them know for at least a year or so , and maybe longer bc of my daughter . It hasn't been anywhere near as long for her see.
Tell you what , it was a real wake up call about just how awkward and tricky this is going to be if it goes any further.
And , they all go to the same school so if one finds out it's a done deal they all will.


----------



## poppyseed

bravenewworld said:


> However, he is hot and funny and I'm hoping that will transcend my trepidation. Any tips on *dating* someone a lot younger? I want to feel sexy, not like a grammy. The last guy I dated was only 5 years younger and I could definitely feel the difference.
> 
> I swear, only the youngins like me. :scratchhead:


If he's that young, you are probably someone like "MILF" (!?) who's seductive, experienced in the bedroom and he would be keen to explore his sexuality through someone who's more mature and experienced. If you are fully aware of what he would be in for then it's all up to you.


----------



## moxy

bravenewworld said:


> I swear, only the youngins like me. :scratchhead:



Same here.

Just be yourself. And, expect him to have different attitudes toward communication than you. Also, recognize that a lack of years might also mean less emotional depth but more intensity both in and out of the bedroom. And, have lots of sex.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Well, l always bs about my age for fun but l'm 48 , she's 31.
> Too weird though, ex has brought her up a few times , before this l mean, like mths ago. She's asked and snooped a bit about her too. Then again , ex is famous for sensing things yrs before they even happen sometimes , [email protected] must know something l don't though. They don't really know each other , matter of fact l don't think they like each other either.
> Anyway , l tried to laugh it of [didn't work] and said nah, l think she's only early 30s anyway. Ex said so fkg what , the hours you keep you need that anyway don't worry about it.
> l'm thinking wtf , this convo with my ex , get me outa here someone :rofl:
> 
> Anyway , one things for sure , seems if l'm gonna hook up with anyone she's gonna be younger bc every girl l'm met so far has been at least 10 yrs younger , every one. Ex was 11 younger .
> 
> Oh well , probably fizzle anyway so l dunno what l'm even worried about. But you just try to avoid any potential crap don't you after going through this [email protected] , and probably try way to hard to avoid it,


Ah, I get your worry. And that is weird about your ex.

Anyway, I agree with the others. Relax and go with it. You just never know.

Regarding the 16 year old son; sons at that age are a bit different with their moms. I have a 15 year old and while he is adjusting to me dating, it is a bit rockier than with his 16 year old sister. He is more protective plus if he enjoys time with my guy, he feels like he has betrayed his dad. So, just a higher level of nternal conflict in general.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Hey whitehawk, just think ... if you two hit off and work out, you'll have someone young enough to change your Depends for years to come!!
> 
> I kid I kid!!! Bahaha!


Seriously made me laugh out loud. :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

I ventured out to the Coping with Infidelity section... oh boy!

As humans, we sometimes put on our own blindfold and refuse to see the truth.

I have a HUGE issue with letting go of my emotions, I cannot mourn, I cannot cry anymore, is it possible that I am over ex and marriage?? It has only been 1.5 years....

Maybe I am just wound up too tight and refused to mourn for him... sometimes I feel, I should have had a breakdown. I should have cried more and be depressed...
Yeah, I am over analyzing what I perceive to be my inability to feel deep emotions.

the other day, blue eyes said that I looked like a sexy pixie bathed in moonlight (or stardust (?) cant quite remember)
Probably stardust, since I like the stars but I also like the moon.. meh

I thought "oh, that is nice"


----------



## Nsweet

Who are you letting go of, your friend with benefits?


----------



## ne9907

No
I need to let loose show emotions.
I have not been doing much of that. For example, my therapist recommended a book to help me cope with grief and loss but I 
Thought that book would not help because I am fine
Except that I don't feel fine but I refuse to be extremely sad
Ugh .... Can't really explain it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> *So you're going to a therapist for help.... But you don't want to follow their advice because you're fine*.
> 
> Whatever,.... narcissist.:rofl:
> 
> You are far from fine. I could tell you what I see, but I'm no therapist.


I told you I am strange.
I am not a narcissist haha, I wish I was so I would not care how I feel! It would be super duper awesome.

It is just that I cannot allow myself to show too many emotions. I simply cannot allow myself to be vulnerable. I don't know why

And since I am a narcissist rofl 
Do tell me what you see.:rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I told you I am strange.
> I am not a narcissist haha, I wish I was so I would not care how I feel! It would be super duper awesome.
> 
> It is just that I cannot allow myself to show too many emotions. I simply cannot allow myself to be vulnerable. I don't know why
> 
> And since I am a narcissist rofl
> Do tell me what you see.:rofl:


Classic fear of death.
If you allow yourself to be human, which includes emotions, then you also have to confront death. Most people would prefer to avoid death altogether or not think of it, so they stay in abstract land where they think of things other than human physical experience. Emotions are physical experiences as well as mental ones. But emotions don't respect time whereas your mental thoughts do. When you experience an emotion, it connects to all similar emotions you've had in your life...past present and future. Most people want to avoid this collision of time, so they avoid physical experience of emotions. But you can practice...you can think about past exciting experiences, and relive those. However it's not so clear cut, because emotions have friends...they are all one package, they're blurry. Pure emotional experience of only one emotion is impossible, unless you are psychotic or dropping acid. Neither of which I'd advise. 

To try a different tactic, go to an amusement park and just ride the extreme rides until you reach your physical limit. Don't think of anything else while you're on the rides, just go for the ride. You could also try something like white water rafting. Some kind of prolonged experience, not a short one like bungee jumping or sky diving, is better for inserting oneself back into the realm of expressed physical emotions. 

Kids are really good at this, as are dogs. Human adults tend to forget how it works. We are always watching our backs, even when we don't need to. 

The good thing about amusement parks is that the threat of death is there in your face, but it's contained. You're not likely to die on an extreme ride, but if you do have some kind of trauma (heart attack, etc.) paramedics aren't too far away from these kinds of places. So they are actually much safer than one might think, because the chances of having a heart attack at any given time are greater than the chances of getting hurt on an amusement park ride, adjusted for exposure.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Ah, I get your worry. And that is weird about your ex.
> 
> Anyway, I agree with the others. Relax and go with it. You just never know.
> 
> Regarding the 16 year old son; sons at that age are a bit different with their moms. I have a 15 year old and while he is adjusting to me dating, it is a bit rockier than with his 16 year old sister. He is more protective plus if he enjoys time with my guy, he feels like he has betrayed his dad. So, just a higher level of nternal conflict in general.


Oh yeah l could feel all that with him being a male too and 16 once, but l didn't go through what this poor ****** has. l got it all the second we layed eyes on each other. They know too , like family , when someones different , even when you try to hide it like we did yesterday , That's why they were all acting so weird , little buggers didn't believe our story for a second.
But it takes soooo much , for them to get themselves through this , survive it , feeling his emotions yesterday , knowing he has he's world with his mum and he's sorted it all and coped as best he can , you really feel like just staying the hell away and letting them just finish growing up in their world as they now have managed to have it sorted you know.

We weren't suppose to be around them like that but hooley dooley ,talk about a wake up call into this new crazy sitch , world .
Yeah the girls are different , although mine , she's more like a male in this. Her girl would love it though .

How long have you been divorce Fenix ? l don't think they should even be meeting your dates , they're only suppose to meet that one real thing and only when it's been going for a year or two and you know it's serious and permanent .
Whatever happens for me in the future or whoever l end up dating from now on, ifthey have kids l wanna keep it the hell away from them until we know where we're at from now on that's for sure.


----------



## ne9907

That was really great HMU
Thing is, I don't know my emotions. I feel as if all my emotional growth and maturity is fake because of how blinded I was with ex husband. If I judged his actions, not his words, he never loved me. How can I trust myself to let loose of flawed emotions?
Little by little right? baby steps, right?

It is a work in progress


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> That was really great HMU
> Thing is, I don't know my emotions. I feel as if all my emotional growth and maturity is fake because of how blinded I was with ex husband. If I judged his actions, not his words, he never loved me. How can I trust myself to let loose of flawed emotions?
> Little by little right? baby steps, right?
> 
> It is a work in progress


That's what I'm saying. You need to turn your brain off (that's how you were deceived, having your brain over-engaged to your emotions) and turn on your physical experience of emotions. 

I had it lucky, I had a brain injury, so I became a sort of kid or dog or whatever for a while. I had to pay attention to what was in front of me, vs. the shell game, logic, etc. You know a magician's trick, they keep your brain engaged thinking you're going to see one thing by telling you what you're going to see, in the split second that you're processing that, they'll take advantage and do something very quickly that your mind can't see because it is imagining or preparing itself for what it's going to see. You are temporarily blinded. To turn off this 'magic' when people take advantage of this blind spot created by the dichotomous function of the human brain (it's a rare person who can parallel process on both sides, but I've seen it done, a guy who could draw a scene really fast with both hands at the same time! and it was quality work, too...) you have to learn not to listen to people's words. This goes against everything that we've been taught. So we feel guilty when we do this. But you shouldn't feel guilty for looking out for yourself. Ever. And tricksters won't know that you're not listening. 

I used to listen to my husband, but at the same time, I would see his hands fidget, or I'd see his eyes flit off to the side. I would literally translate the narrative he was giving me (a constructive narrative is just that because it constructs a reality, that reality doesn't have to align to actual reality...) into the truth. I could negate what he was telling me at any given time, right down to the word, by his hand actions and other subtle body movements, as well as the smell of his body when he lied. 

Later on, he thought I was spying on him, because I knew all kinds of stuff I couldn't have known unless I'd been watching him. Mindreading isn't really all that esoteric or difficult a skill. It's available to anyone who is willing to stop trying and turn off their logic and go primitive in their interpretation of the world.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> That was really great HMU
> Thing is, I don't know my emotions. I feel as if all my emotional growth and maturity is fake because of how blinded I was with ex husband. If I judged his actions, not his words, he never loved me. How can I trust myself to let loose of flawed emotions?
> Little by little right? baby steps, right?
> 
> It is a work in progress


Ne, I totally get where you're coming from with this. (When I look back and judge my XH based on his actions, I have the same understanding.) It feels like anytime I let go and let myself feel my emotions, I only end up getting hurt. It's sometimes easier to stuff them down and pretend they don't exist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> No
> I need to let loose show emotions.
> I have not been doing much of that. For example, my therapist recommended a book to help me cope with grief and loss but I
> Thought that book would not help because I am fine
> Except that I don't feel fine but I refuse to be extremely sad
> Ugh .... Can't really explain it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Defenses ,self preservation and then things like the 180 telling us to put on the happy face, but isn't the happy face literally blocking the [email protected], l dunno. So the line gets pretty confusing sometimes .
l didn't believe in that for myself and l've gone with my feelings right through but l did have to fight them a little bit or they'd bring me down too much . l didn't want that but l did feel it was unhealthy to block or not grieve .
l feel like l've reached my natural next faze these days and l'm at terms with it all, basically ready to move on now.

l'm glad l think now, l handled it the way l did . it got pretty ugly yeah but then it was pretty ugly so l just felt to deny that would just backfire with my way and how l tick
So l feel like l've worked through it , come to terms with it and pretty mentally healthy on it all now , There is still stuff though but l'm hoping time and going easy on myself will work through that .


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld said:


> Today woke up to a messy/neglected apartment, *rejection from a big artistic fellowship I applied for*, and a stress induced cold sore on my lower lip.


Got to have thick skin for those types of things. You are an artist of some sort?



bravenewworld said:


> In Bandit's case I get where he is coming from because him and Syrian both agreed to the exact same standards, but some dude beating his chest and saying "me man. you woman. you no talk to other men ever." does not impress me.


I like the way you summarized the rules in terms of a caveman talking! 

Actually spoke with Guatemalan today about this type of stuff and told her I was perfectly fine with her having male friends, most of whom are on FB and in Gutatemala. Not at all threatened by her hugging a friend or whatever. She seems pretty trustworthy (she was cheated on not the reverse) and loyal and I am not insecure. I could tell if something else were going on more than likely. We got onto the topic because her exhusband got really jealous if she even talked to other men, or if she wore "sexy" clothes without him around or whatever he would call her names and sh!t. I am pretty much the opposite...be yourself and do what you like. You know your limits and what you think appropriate. If she turns heads walking down the street, fine with me. She's with me!!! Look all you want.

We've both agreed not to see other people. Why would I? I have a great time time with her...she spent the night at my place last night and is coming back in the morning...we are going to an art festival after she runs along the lake for 12 miles or so, and then later to see Sin City, all within walking distance of my apartment (where I live is awesome). She loves my cooking and has decided to go vegetarian!!!! I didn't pressure her or ask her to do that at all. I just cook for her and tell her what is possible when she asked, and gave her a little reading material. Not controlling her or trying to change her and accepting who she is rather than being like "I am man, hear me roar and cower in my presence because I am insecure and territorial" is definitely the way to go.



ne9907 said:


> I ventured out to the Coping with Infidelity section... oh boy!


Oh boy...I quit doing that for now. Lots of hurting people out there and people who hurt others. You've been really hurt and betrayed...but my sense is that you probably have a really great and sociable personality and if the right person comes along who deserves you, then you will let your guard down eventually and learn to trust and love again. 



FeministInPink said:


> It feels like anytime I let go and let myself feel my emotions, I only end up getting hurt. It's sometimes easier to stuff them down and pretend they don't exist.


Women do this too? This was my MO for a long time. In therapy I learned that I did this because I was taught at a very young age that boys don't cry and I would get hit when I did...anger is the appropriate emotion for a male. So anger became my cover when I was sad. When I was young this anger was violent. But as an adult, the tantrum type anger became more silent...I would go quiet, and could feel myself shutting off in a stoic like manner. It was very deliberate. 

That knowledge helped me realize that I am not a bad person but I have some learned patterns that I needed to work to correct. I've done a damned good job at it. I am far more open today about these things than I ever was in the past. Therapy really helped.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I had one therapist who challenged me to find an exception to every categorization or observation I had, by asking me if it were true in all cases, or could I think of some cases where it wasn't. I soon learned not to put words to my feelings, just to experience them and not try to put them into categories or ways of thinking. I think this was a clever way of unlinking my inner thoughts from my feelings and just to have feelings as they came along. 

But, one other thing I decided about therapy. I wouldn't censor what I was thinking, because I wanted to get as much out of it as I could.


----------



## RandomDude

Arendt said:


> Women do this too? This was my MO for a long time. In therapy I learned that I did this because I was taught at a very young age that boys don't cry and I would get hit when I did...anger is the appropriate emotion for a male. So anger became my cover when I was sad. When I was young this anger was violent. But as an adult, the tantrum type anger became more silent...I would go quiet, and could feel myself shutting off in a stoic like manner. It was very deliberate.


Those are important lessons no?

If I had a son I'll also expect him not to cry, as I have been taught.


----------



## whitehawk

My dad was a real mans man but l can't say as he ever really put his ways onto us boys at all really.
He never showed that much but we weren't blocked if we did though .
l did learn one hell of a lot from watching him though but all that never really hit me until well into adult hood.
He had his faults for sure and could be a bit of an ass hole to but all in all , the older l get the more l realize just what a good example in life across the board, he was really. But l do believe in far more emotion than he ever showed , especially with kids .


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Those are important lessons no?
> 
> If I had a son I'll also expect him not to cry, as I have been taught.


I don't have children and won't have any of my own, but I think there is a difference between crying and tantrums. There are also ways to teach children when it is and is not appropriate to cry and perhaps other ways to express sadness.

My first memory is when I was 5-6 crying in bed because I was afraid of the shadows the tree outside was casting on the wall...monsters and all that. My father came in and "gave me something to cry about." Real lesson he taught me there...

He did was he was taught, so I am not blaming him, but I picked up stuff from him...stuffing down feelings being the chief among them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Women do this too? This was my MO for a long time. In therapy I learned that I did this because I was taught at a very young age that boys don't cry and I would get hit when I did...anger is the appropriate emotion for a male. So anger became my cover when I was sad. When I was young this anger was violent. But as an adult, the tantrum type anger became more silent...I would go quiet, and could feel myself shutting off in a stoic like manner. It was very deliberate.
> 
> That knowledge helped me realize that I am not a bad person but I have some learned patterns that I needed to work to correct. I've done a damned good job at it. I am far more open today about these things than I ever was in the past. Therapy really helped.


I don't know if all women do this, but I do it. I had a similar upbringing to yours, but without the hitting part. I was severely chastised and shamed whenever I expressed anger, sadness, disappointment, etc... anything that wasn't a "positive" emotion. Of course, I didn't like that, so I learned from an early age to stuff those feelings down and slap a smile on my face, for fear that I wouldn't be loved if I let those "negative" emotions show.

And, of course, my XH reinforced these lessons with his treatment of me.

I'm working at un-learning this, but it's not easy. Learning to identify what it is that I'm REALLY feeling (as a lot of hurt/disappointment manifests itself as anger), figuring out why I'm feeling that way, and how to deal with it... all things that I should have been taught as a child, emotional skills that I should possess as an adult. It feels like I'm trying to re-wire my entire brain sometimes.

So, sometimes I think it might be easier to just go back to the old way of doing things and stuff my feelings down, but I know that's not healthy. And if i don't continue to work on this, I'm not going to have the healthy relationship that I want.


----------



## FeministInPink

In case any of y'all are interested, here's an MOOC on the science of relationships:

Science of Relationships MOOC at Colorado StateÂ*University - | - Science of Relationships


----------



## moxy

Dating, however casually you do it, is not easy. Communication is important. Avoiding people instead of talking about an issue just plain sucks. Why do people think it's a good idea?


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Dating, however casually you do it, is not easy. Communication is important. Avoiding people instead of talking about an issue just plain sucks. Why do people think it's a good idea?


I dunno mox. I avoid like crazy in the dating crap. l don't normally avoid but in dating , it's like who needs the bs with someone you turn out to not even like very much anyway you know. Just move on , got enough bs in my life.


----------



## moxy

WH, my post wasn't specifically targeted toward you, so please don't think I'm picking on you in particular. 

I'm frustrated with my own situation; Guy and I were getting along well and had a great night last night, but he's got a pile of stress in his life and is kinda shutting me out about some things and, today, a minor thing triggered actions that seemed less than great. While I do understand that his actions are a coping mechanism, that he's only 27, that this is just how he deals with interpersonal conflict when he's upset, I still find his silence a bit hurtful.

I want to address what you said, though. You said that avoidance is a good way to blow off someone you don't really like. I actually think it's a pretty douchey move to do that. I think it makes sense to say "Hey, I don't really feel like hanging out." Or "I don't really feel a connection with you, so I'm looking for someone with whom I do feel one." instead of just avoiding someone and making that person feel bad. Maybe after a couple of dates, that kinda thing is expected, but even so, being up front is always better. Now, that's if it's early on. If you've known someone for a while, then you definitely can't just ghost the person.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> WH, my post wasn't specifically targeted toward you, so please don't think I'm picking on you in particular.
> 
> I'm frustrated with my own situation; Guy and I were getting along well and had a great night last night, but he's got a pile of stress in his life and is kinda shutting me out about some things and, today, a minor thing triggered actions that seemed less than great. While I do understand that his actions are a coping mechanism, that he's only 27, that this is just how he deals with interpersonal conflict when he's upset, I still find his silence a bit hurtful.
> 
> I want to address what you said, though. You said that avoidance is a good way to blow off someone you don't really like. I actually think it's a pretty douchey move to do that. I think it makes sense to say "Hey, I don't really feel like hanging out." Or "I don't really feel a connection with you, so I'm looking for someone with whom I do feel one." instead of just avoiding someone and making that person feel bad. Maybe after a couple of dates, that kinda thing is expected, but even so, being up front is always better. Now, that's if it's early on. If you've known someone for a while, then you definitely can't just ghost the person.


Both of these is what made my situation with Fireman so frustrating. He's got a lot of stress stuff going on, and he just wasn't communicating with me. So I don't know if it was just the other stressors, or if he decided that he didn't want to see me anymore, so he was just avoiding seeing me. Which is infuriating, because we had more than just a couple dates. I deserved to be properly dumped, if that was the case.

Whatevs.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> WH, my post wasn't specifically targeted toward you, so please don't think I'm picking on you in particular.
> 
> I'm frustrated with my own situation; Guy and I were getting along well and had a great night last night, but he's got a pile of stress in his life and is kinda shutting me out about some things and, today, a minor thing triggered actions that seemed less than great. While I do understand that his actions are a coping mechanism, that he's only 27, that this is just how he deals with interpersonal conflict when he's upset, I still find his silence a bit hurtful.
> 
> I want to address what you said, though. You said that avoidance is a good way to blow off someone you don't really like. I actually think it's a pretty douchey move to do that. I think it makes sense to say "Hey, I don't really feel like hanging out." Or "I don't really feel a connection with you, so I'm looking for someone with whom I do feel one." instead of just avoiding someone and making that person feel bad. Maybe after a couple of dates, that kinda thing is expected, but even so, being up front is always better. Now, that's if it's early on. If you've known someone for a while, then you definitely can't just ghost the person.





FeministInPink said:


> Both of these is what made my situation with Fireman so frustrating. He's got a lot of stress stuff going on, and he just wasn't communicating with me. So I don't know if it was just the other stressors, or if he decided that he didn't want to see me anymore, so he was just avoiding seeing me. Which is infuriating, because we had more than just a couple dates. I deserved to be properly dumped, if that was the case.
> 
> Whatevs.


I am going through a lot of stress in my life atm. I feel so much anxiety. I am not in a good place atm. 
As you know my thing with blue eyes is not serious, it is not even close to what you Moxy, and you FiP have/had with your SO, however, blue has texted me several times but I simply cannot deal with his playful banter atm. 
I told him to that I have a lot of stress going on at the moment, and I would appreciate if he left me alone for a while.

Perhaps he doesn't care, but he respected my request, said OK and asked me to text him when I felt better. I really like that.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> WH, my post wasn't specifically targeted toward you, so please don't think I'm picking on you in particular.
> 
> I'm frustrated with my own situation; Guy and I were getting along well and had a great night last night, but he's got a pile of stress in his life and is kinda shutting me out about some things and, today, a minor thing triggered actions that seemed less than great. While I do understand that his actions are a coping mechanism, that he's only 27, that this is just how he deals with interpersonal conflict when he's upset, I still find his silence a bit hurtful.
> 
> I want to address what you said, though. You said that avoidance is a good way to blow off someone you don't really like. I actually think it's a pretty douchey move to do that. I think it makes sense to say "Hey, I don't really feel like hanging out." Or "I don't really feel a connection with you, so I'm looking for someone with whom I do feel one." instead of just avoiding someone and making that person feel bad. Maybe after a couple of dates, that kinda thing is expected, but even so, being up front is always better. Now, that's if it's early on. If you've known someone for a while, then you definitely can't just ghost the person.




Oh [email protected] l know that mox , it's cool. You wouldn't know l avoid anyway , l was just saying that's all.

But nah l didn't mean it's a good way to blow them off . lf l want out l say so . l more meant l don't bother going into too much bs if l'm not even interested in them , or something like that  . No point.


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Both of these is what made my situation with Fireman so frustrating. He's got a lot of stress stuff going on, and he just wasn't communicating with me. So I don't know if it was just the other stressors, or if he decided that he didn't want to see me anymore, so he was just avoiding seeing me. Which is infuriating, because we had more than just a couple dates. I deserved to be properly dumped, if that was the case.
> 
> Whatevs.


Oh yeah , l've always said something if we've spent any time together , as l was saying to mox , l didn't mean it like that.

But what you and mox are saying about them not talking about their stuff , stress. l can understand it.
lf you haven't known someone very long or don't consider things especially close in his eyes , then he's not gonna lay all his crap on her.
You've gotta be a real thing , like fully established , done deal , before you wanna go burdening someone special with all your own crap and l think a lot of both these sitch's would also be a long those lines.


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> Oh yeah , l've always said something if we've spent any time together , as l was saying to mox , l didn't mean it like that.
> 
> But what you and mox are saying about them not talking about their stuff , stress. l can understand it.
> lf you haven't known someone very long or don't consider things especially close in his eyes , then he's not gonna lay all his crap on her.
> You've gotta be a real thing , like fully established , done deal , before you wanna go burdening someone special with all your own crap and l think a lot of both these sitch's would also be a long those lines.


I think you hit the nail on the head here, WH. Fireman and I weren't together long enough for him to start laying it on me, despite the fact that it was (probably) affecting us.

If he had at least done what Ne did with Blue Eyes and said to me, listen, I've got a lot of sh!t/stress going on and I'm just not going to be as available, maybe the whole implosion of our relationship could have been avoided.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Perhaps your relationship has run it's course, and now you're realizing it's time to jump ship before it crashes.
> 
> You can't say it wasn't fun though.


It is not that. See the private forum


----------



## FeministInPink

Man, can I just say I wish y'all (Ne, WH, & moxy) had posted this stuff 5 days ago?!?! I could have really used this perspective before things fell apart with Fireman.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Man, can I just say I wish y'all (Ne, WH, & moxy) had posted this stuff 5 days ago?!?! I could have really used this perspective before things fell apart with Fireman.


Ugh
I am sorry...


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Ugh
> I am sorry...


It's ok... I didn't post about it, but he and I started talking again on Thursday, and it looked like things might work out, but I managed to totally muck it up. Because, I can be a "bull in a china shop" sometimes. (My boss said that to me once, and I'm sorry to say that he's right.) 

(oh, and that "K + winky smiley face" text message? That was his way of saying, "I get it, it was fun.")


----------



## moxy

FIP, from the outside, I'd call your conflict with fireman a glitch, rather than a done deal. In my mind, that's fixable, because y'all are learning each other's conflict and communication styles while getting to know each other. He seemed to think he could talk you out of it by pretending or acting like you were joking about the breakup. However, I tend to put up with a whole heck of a lot of drama before I call it quits, once I care about someone. I can't say that my way of doing things is healthy, but I compromise when I can and don't bring my ego into relationships, if I can help it; risk: self-destruction. My situation started this morning, so I couldn't have posted about it a few days ago, but I'm sorry that this convo comes too late for you FIP. Maybe it will help with other conflicts in the future. FWIW, I felt sad to hear about your situation with fireman; it's possible that he just needed space and didn't know how to say it. Guy avoids me when he wants space and it hurts my feelings like crazy because I can't tell if we are done or he is just processing, given that our situation is so ambiguous.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> FIP, from the outside, I'd call your conflict with fireman a glitch, rather than a done deal. In my mind, that's fixable, because y'all are learning each other's conflict and communication styles while getting to know each other. He seemed to think he could talk you out of it by pretending or acting like you were joking about the breakup. However, I tend to put up with a whole heck of a lot of drama before I call it quits, once I care about someone. I can't say that my way of doing things is healthy, but I compromise when I can and don't bring my ego into relationships, if I can help it; risk: self-destruction. My situation started this morning, so I couldn't have posted about it a few days ago, but I'm sorry that this convo comes too late for you FIP. Maybe it will help with other conflicts in the future. FWIW, I felt sad to hear about your situation with fireman; it's possible that he just needed space and didn't know how to say it. Guy avoids me when he wants space and it hurts my feelings like crazy because I can't tell if we are done or he is just processing, given that our situation is so ambiguous.


Thanks, moxy... I hope it's a glitch, but I think that's hoping against hope now. I got all emotional and pushy, and he doesn't want any drama, which I totally understand, but I'm afraid that he thinks I've wandered into crazee territory.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks, moxy... I hope it's a glitch, but I think that's hoping against hope now. I got all emotional and pushy, and he doesn't want any drama, which I totally understand, but I'm afraid that he thinks I've wandered into crazee territory.


Leave it alone for at least two weeks. It will give both of you time to examine your feelings. If at the end of that period, you still feel that you should try again, call him.
Who knows? He might reach out to you first.


----------



## moxy

I worry about getting emotional and pushy (and overly high drive with the sex, so, too demanding) in relationships, too. I can be intense and I have to keep myself in check by writing in journals and talking out my feelings instead of just automatically opening up to romantic partners. I'm prone to meltdowns and neuroses, but instead if showing that to others, I isolate myself.

Neither Guy nor I are at the stage where we regularly tell each other our problems; he does so more than I do about everyday stuff, but neither of us talks about family drama and there's a LOT of that for me and I'm sure there's some for him based on what he has told me. I think he avoids drama and emotional stuff seems like drama.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Leave it alone for at least two weeks. It will give both of you time to examine your feelings. If at the end of that period, you still feel that you should try again, call him.
> Who knows? He might reach out to you first.


That's what I was planning on doing. I sent him a final message yesterday afternoon telling him that I wasn't going to text him again (I had kind of swamped him with OVERcommunication from my end) that I had said everything I needed to say and he could do with that what he wanted, and that I wasn't going to create any more drama. And that I had really enjoyed the time I spent together with him. I left the ball in his court, and what happens, happens. Maybe he will get back to me, maybe he won't, but I am going to set aside any urge I have to contact him at this point.

About three weeks ago, I had purchased for us (after consulting with him) tickets to this craft beer festival in his neck of the woods, which is two weeks from now. If I still feel that we should try again, I'll ping him a couple days beforehand and see if he wants to go, no pressure, just to hang out, and see how that flies.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I worry about getting emotional and pushy (and overly high drive with the sex, so, too demanding) in relationships, too. I can be intense and I have to keep myself in check by writing in journals and talking out my feelings instead of just automatically opening up to romantic partners. I'm prone to meltdowns and neuroses, but instead if showing that to others, I isolate myself.
> 
> Neither Guy nor I are at the stage where we regularly tell each other our problems; he does so more than I do about everyday stuff, but neither of us talks about family drama and there's a LOT of that for me and I'm sure there's some for him based on what he has told me. I think he avoids drama and emotional stuff seems like drama.


Bingo. I'm just like that! Luckily, Fireman was super high drive, so that definitely wasn't a problem. But emotional stuff definitely = drama, I know that now.

I think I need to PM you the next time I start overthinking and find that I'm heading down the road to meltdown.


----------



## FeministInPink

And moxy, I'm sorry, too, that you're going through this with Guy. BE patient, it will work itself out, right?


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> How long were you two together..... Less than 4 months?
> 
> If the answer is less then let him go. Don't make excuses for him being stressed and not wanting to talk to you, if he was still into you he would still be making excuses just to pick up the phone and contact you.
> 
> Sorry, but I don't like to sugar coat things. He's trying to phase you out so he doesn't have to be the bad guy and breakup with you.


You're probably right... it was about a month. A very intense month.


----------



## FeministInPink

Nsweet said:


> Seriously!? That's not a real relationship, that's a hookup that went on too long. You should feel lucky that it lasted as long as it did and move on, because it's over.
> 
> You were infatuated with each other for the time being and now that feeling has worn off for him. It wasn't real love it was just having a fling to fulfill a emotional need left over from your divorce.


I never said it was love, but I was definitely falling for him.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> Seriously!? That's not a real relationship, that's a hookup that went on too long. You should feel lucky that it lasted as long as it did and move on, because it's over.


I love you Nsweet, but I think that the first month in any type of relationship is critical. 
Whether it is a hook up or the beginnings of a relationship, it should be treated with respect. 
In FiP case, it was dating, it was a relationship, it was something with potential for long term. Perhaps I am wrong, but I got the impression that FiP wanted more out of this than just a hook up><

My advice still remains, forget about it for a couple of weeks to examine your feelings. Erase his numbers from your contacts (give the number to someone you trust) then after this period, if you feel connected to him, call him. If not, nothing lost. It would be satisfying if he texts/calls you and you answer with "who is this" or "wrong text" because you REALLY have no idea who is behind the number....
Oh, it is very satisfying.... I did it with blue eyes after the first time things ended and I had no idea who he was when he texted me.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I love you Nsweet, but I think that the first month in any type of relationship is critical.
> Whether it is a hook up or the beginnings of a relationship, it should be treated with respect.
> In FiP case, it was dating, it was a relationship, it was something with potential for long term. Perhaps I am wrong, but I got the impression that FiP wanted more out of this than just a hook up><
> 
> My advice still remains, forget about it for a couple of weeks to examine your feelings. Erase his numbers from your contacts (give the number to someone you trust) then after this period, if you feel connected to him, call him. If not, nothing lost. *It would be satisfying if he texts/calls you and you answer with "who is this" or "wrong text" because you REALLY have no idea who is behind the number....*
> Oh, it is very satisfying.... I did it with blue eyes after the first time things ended and I had no idea who he was when he texted me.


That wouldn't be satisfying for me. It's not who I am. Different strokes, yeah?

EDIT: And you're right, I wasn't looking for a hook-up or an emotional rebound. There's a reason why I waited to start dating again. I'm still going to make mistakes, but I have no intention of being an emotional vampire because of my former marriage. If that's what I was looking for, this would have happened a long time ago with somebody else.


----------



## Nsweet

*Attention singles of TAM! *

*Friends with benefits (FWBs) are not real relationships and they do not last long. 

If you're on here seeking advice about how you can make him/her love you as much as they did in the beginning, it's probably over. 

The 180 is not going to help you get them back, because they have already moved on and so should you. 

It's best that you accept their rejection now and recover sooner instead of holding onto the relationship and hurting yourself. 

Love does not happen overnight and in between the sheets, love is a slow process of acceptance once the infatuation is over. *

Sorry TAM'ers, but it just needed to be said. This thread has become less about singles dating and finding new relationships, developing ourselves and getting back out there, and more about wishful thinking and holding onto the first relationship you can get after divorce. 

There is absolutely nothing worse than making progress after your own divorce and then going backwards to do the same thing you did when you could not accept your marriage was over. It's like waking up one day and deciding you're not going to live in the now, you're going to undo years of therapy to cling onto that one happy memory you have where everything was perfect.


----------



## bravenewworld

poppyseed said:


> If he's that young, you are probably someone like "MILF" (!?) who's seductive, experienced in the bedroom and he would be keen to explore his sexuality through someone who's more mature and experienced. If you are fully aware of what he would be in for then it's all up to you.


I really don't wish to be young again, but I'm a little bummed I've somehow wandered into being a child-free MILF. 

Very curious to see how this date goes...he's taken on the planning of it. Hopefully we won't wind up at Chucky Cheese's :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Leave it alone for at least two weeks. It will give both of you time to examine your feelings. If at the end of that period, you still feel that you should try again, call him.
> Who knows? He might reach out to you first.


This is probably what I need to do with the guy I was/am seeing. (lets call him biker dude instead of little brother, LOL! Please?) Things were clicking along, we agreed not to date others, then one night, WHAM! He threw a big wall up on me. He had told me before that he had walls, and I was working on trying to get through them, but this one was big. After that, he barely communicated with me, and when I finally called him on it after several days, he told me that he wasnt feeling any emotional connection. Which, I'm sorry, is bull. All of us know when someone is feeling something for us. I recognized that look and those touches. The sweet texts. So I asked if he wanted to try things casual for a while, even though I knew how hard that would be for me, and he said yes. We hung out on Thursday night, and I will be seeing him tomorrow at my friends' (his sister's) house. 

This has been really hard, I mean this is someone who I already cared about and I thought we were a sure thing, a slam dunk, ya know? We have been "family" since I was 16. He just got out of an LTR in April where he was cheated on time and again, so I GET why he has reservations about another relationship. He had some reservations about the two of us because he was afraid that he wasnt the kind of guy I was looking for...so I felt at a disadvantage from the get go. I wasnt sure how to approach things..do I hang back and let him take the lead, or do I take a more aggressive approach so that he knows that he is wanted and desired? I chose the second, based on what he had just been through, and I am afraid I freaked him out instead! Like FIP said, I can kinda be a bull in a china shop too when it comes to these things. He did reach out to me last night, sent me a couple of really sweet texts, yes drunk texts LOL but hey, drunks are honest right? Then was backed off again today. This is HARD. I am not good at backing off when I want something.  I dont feel like its hopeless, but I'm not sure I have the skills for this.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> *Attention singles of TAM! *
> 
> *Friends with benefits (FWBs) are not real relationships and they do not last long.
> 
> If you're on here seeking advice about how you can make him/her love you as much as they did in the beginning, it's probably over.
> 
> The 180 is not going to help you get them back, because they have already moved on and so should you.
> 
> It's best that you accept their rejection now and recover sooner instead of holding onto the relationship and hurting yourself.
> 
> Love does not happen overnight and in between the sheets, love is a slow process of acceptance once the infatuation is over. *


Ok the above is 100% true but I think what sucks about FWB situations (and really any burgeoning relationship) ending is when you reflect back there are usually moments of genuine affection. Which could be sexual or not. Plus you miss the B part. A lot. 

It's weird dating the first year post d - I want to open up but I still feel raw, like someone peeled off a layer or two of my skin.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> There's affection in every relationship, but that doesn't mean it's healthy.
> 
> You could be in an abusive relationship where 9 times out of 10 you're punched in the face and that one time you get a kiss on the cheek, you overlook everything bad and feel the affection is worth it.
> 
> The trouble with FWB situations is that you can't keep your friend on standby just for you, while you try to sort yourself out (in between having sex), and tell them it's not exclusive expecting them not to go find a more stable relationship. You either decide you want to have casual sex with a sort-of-friend or you want a platonic friendship with your close friend, but you don't combine the two and expect them to be your long-term boyfriend/girlfriend there to help you out.


Well not every relationship that is unhealthy is necessarily abusive. But I get what you're saying. Peeps need to vent though too, I know it helps me personally deal with relationship disappointment. 

Most of the time when things are going south I just take a big step back or cut ties. The one time I didn't, I wish I had.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> About three weeks ago, I had purchased for us (after consulting with him) tickets to this craft beer festival in his neck of the woods, which is two weeks from now. If I still feel that we should try again, I'll ping him a couple days beforehand and see if he wants to go, no pressure, just to hang out, and see how that flies.


Honestly, at this point I'd forget about pinging him and just take a friend. Let him come to you and I guarantee the terms will be much more favorable.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

Guys, it looks like I seem to have been moving on alot better than my ex had hoped. Out of curiouscity I wondered what was ex's stance in terms of our divorce, but I can't be bothered asking her as she always gives me the same BS.

But based on what I found out from a family friend's information instead... I don't think it's going to happen for a while. Not only does she refuse to sign but as it turns out she's been hoping I go back to her. I had my suspicions but figured eventually she'll move on. However, reports are bad news, I don't think it's love anymore rather than familiarity and security that she misses.

I'm thinking of confronting ex next weekend to crush her hopes - we'll be in limbo for too long otherwise. Only problem is figuring how to confront her with the evidence without incriminating my contact.


----------



## whitehawk

What happened with you guys again RD ? Sure you don't wanna get back with her ?
l'm thinking it was only 4 or 5mths back you and l both were missing ex's .


----------



## jpr

Ladies, you need to listen to NSweet. He is right about this.

I know, I have been there....holding on to something for too long...the rationalizations that I am 'okay' with how I am being treated...talking myself into being happy with crumbs...repeating the mantra "Well, nobody's perfect.", over and over again to myself. 

Moxy, NE, FIP...let them go. For real. You keep taking these guys back after they treat you like poo.

Stop it. Just stop. 

I want to read happy and exciting and sexy dating stories. ...and, lately, all the stories seem to be of a very sad cycle of nothingness.--and rationalizations that you all are okay with things going nowhere.


----------



## Dollystanford

I agree with jpr

I think there's a lot of telling ourselves that it's alright if a guy just wants sex because we're strong independent women and we don't need a man to support us in other ways right? And so what if he wants a booty call, that's all we want too!

Except it rarely is and that's coming off these pages in waves

Don't take the crumbs guys, find someone who rocks your world (and ensure that you rock his)


----------



## Dollystanford

Although they knew you weren't 'the guy', they knew you were Nsweet. That changes the dynamic somewhat


----------



## Fenix

Nsweet said:


> Also, you ladies have to stop talking about your FWBs all the time.
> 
> I met two of you TAM women in person, and what should have been a pleasant conversation getting to know you became very awkward all to fast when you started telling me about your relationship problems with your STBX-FWB.
> 
> Ladies, that's not something you should be bringing up when you're meeting someone for the first time. That's a boundaries issue. If I had been the perfect guy for you (just pretend) that would have killed your chances with me. No one who is truly over their exes wants to talk about their exes with their dates.
> 
> I did have a lot of fun meeting both of you besides that. I just needed to get this off my chest.


I don't think that is really fair. First, you are not a potential love interest and second, these women feel they know you after trading posts here with you...for quite a while, I am guessing. Forums breed a sense of familiarity and that translates into real life (rightly or wrongly) when an actual meeting takes place.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> .
> 
> Ladies, that's not something you should be bringing up when you're meeting someone for the first time. That's a boundaries issue. If I had been the perfect guy for you (just pretend) that would have killed your chances with me. No one who is truly over their exes wants to talk about their exes with their dates.


So you're saying - it was a date?


----------



## bravenewworld

jpr said:


> Ladies, you need to listen to NSweet. He is right about this.
> 
> I know, I have been there....holding on to something for too long...the rationalizations that I am 'okay' with how I am being treated...talking myself into being happy with crumbs...repeating the mantra "Well, nobody's perfect.", over and over again to myself.
> 
> Moxy, NE, FIP...let them go. For real. You keep taking these guys back after they treat you like poo.
> 
> Stop it. Just stop.
> 
> I want to read happy and exciting and sexy dating stories. ...and, lately, all the stories seem to be of a very sad cycle of nothingness.--and rationalizations that you all are okay with things going nowhere.


In fairness, someone of the men are being treated like poo here as well. #worldofpoo


----------



## moxy

Dollystanford said:


> Although they knew you weren't 'the guy', they knew you were Nsweet. That changes the dynamic somewhat



I agree with Dolly; the dynamic between people in general is based on a number of factors anytime one meets with another. There's a difference between meeting a valued friend to hang out and meeting someone new that one is considering dating. When friends hang out with each other, they talk about life; TAM friends in this thread will probably continue conversations from this thread in life, too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

While you all are out there having sex (sometimes I envy this, most times I don't) and hashing out the meaning of texts and relationships, I planned another trip to Iceland (November.) A guy I 'met' on EH who lives in Scotland booked a short trip there too, to overlap a few weekend days. He got himself his own place to stay, that's convenient to my friend's apartment where I'll be staying. He hasn't bombarded me with emails or texts or Skype requests. Didn't even flinch when I told him I went on a hiking date last weekend (guy was a dud, but maybe someone else's dream as was not a bad sort, just really wants to have a relationship and is 'interviewing' candidates I suppose for the 'position' which is not my thing at all.) I'm liking this Scotland guy (he's not originally from there, but we could call him Scotland anyhow.) Most people will say things like, oh, right, Iceland, I'd love to do that some day, sounds nice. Or like my Aussie friend (I'd met in person first before continuing to 'talk') I had to cut ties with, just lead you on for a year and when you make definite plans, act like a real jerk, as in all talk no action. Anyhow, can't see keeping in touch with someone long term if we don't get along, and no way to tell unless we meet. I'm really impressed, a 3-day date in Iceland. Should be fun. It's not like he has loads of $ hanging around for travel, or loads of vacation time, so it's not a trivial thing. But there doesn't seem to be any creep factor to it either. Maybe things won't work out for a relationship, but he seems like the kind of person I'd at least travel well with. He has a hiking buddy in Scotland, and I've been hearing about his trip planning, logistics, the actual trips, etc. As well as his day to day life which is not very exciting (neither is mine...and I like it like that.)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

A simple TMI and a hand held up and "Let's talk about something else, please" would do. Vs. after the fact knee jerking.

I had this same discussion with my hiking date guy...he asked specific questions (weren't even about sex or past relationships) and then whined about my responses and the personal dynamics he created, after the fact. Sigh. 

If you participated in a conversation, you are 50% responsible for its content. Whether as a listener or a talker. If you felt on the spot or in awkward territory then manage it at the source, we can't go back in time and change it to your liking after the fact. 

:-(


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> It does. I felt like I knew them already, and there was that level of comfort. It was just awkward to go from meeting them for the first time to depressing talk about the FWB within the first 30 minutes.
> 
> 
> I have no problem discussing those issues. I actually love it, but the timing was a bit off.....
> 
> When we go from a regular happy conversation about nothing to out of nowhere you telling me about how your FWB loves you but is not in love with you, only you don't see it, I'm left in sticky conversation.


I can understand where you are coming from. Recently went with a girlfriend to what I've since deemed a "hostage lunch." For the entire hour and a half she talked about the guy she's "kind of sort of" dating. The first 20 minutes was fine but no interruption or question could steer her off that topic once she got rolling. I wanted shake her and say, "but you aren't even really dating him!" 

That said, I'm pretty sure I've been guilty of the above with my best friend. Luckily (for me) we've known each other so long she just sighs and submits to my rants. 

Something I've learned and am trying to remember, if there is often poor communication, significant turmoil, or unmet needs within the first 3 months of dating, cut your losses - it's not going anywhere! 

Easier said than done, believe me, I know. And that person definitely lives in your head for a bit, BUT, there are so many better options out there! :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> That's exactly what it was like!
> 
> It's hard for me to listen to it because the whole time I'm fighting off the temptation not to tell you "he's just not that into you" when I know you're not ready to hear it. For some reason I think it's better to lead you into it or let you figure it out on your own.
> 
> But when I hear it from women here who have read countless forum posts and books on divorce, given so much great advice about acceptance and moving on, only for them to forget all of that and live in denial themselves.... I was to hit em upside the head with a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" and the 180 list.


Friend lent me a copy of "He's Just Not that Into You" and I expected to hate it, but instead LOVED it. Practical advice and very funny. The follow up book "It's Just an Effing Date" is good too.

I'm trying to look at these initial dating experiences like practice. I've definitely gotten burned, but also had some hot sexy time and even made a friend or two. I feel like I've treated everyone with respect and honesty, so no regrets on my end. 

As my Mom says: always be willing to let go - or wind up getting dragged.


----------



## bravenewworld

Excerpt From: Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. “He's Just Not That Into You.” Simon Spotlight Entertainment. 

You're All Dating the Same Guy (Intro) 

Hey. I know that guy you’re dating.

Yeah, I do. He’s that guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about. He just got a new apartment and the move is a *****. As soon as it all calms down he’ll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he’s so complicated.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you. So read these excuses, have a laugh, and then put them all to rest. You’re worth it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bravenewworld said:


> Excerpt From: Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. “He's Just Not That Into You.” Simon Spotlight Entertainment.
> 
> You're All Dating the Same Guy (Intro)
> 
> Hey. I know that guy you’re dating.
> 
> Yeah, I do. He’s that guy that’s so tired from work, so stressed about the project he’s working on. He’s just been through an awful breakup and it’s really hitting him hard. His parents’ divorce has scarred him and he has trust issues. Right now he has to focus on his career. He can’t get involved with anyone until he knows what his life is about. He just got a new apartment and the move is a *****. As soon as it all calms down he’ll leave his wife, girlfriend, crappy job. God, he’s so complicated.
> 
> He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes, but there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends. For as already suggested, a man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you. So read these excuses, have a laugh, and then*put them all to rest. You’re worth it.”


Then there are guys who book flights to Iceland. 
At least in theory, they are into you.

My friend who had the brain hemorrhage was also into me.
You can just tell, when a guy's into you, it's obvious. 
You don't have to guess, you don't even have to ask.
You don't have to discuss it with your friends. 
It's something that can be announced as a fact.


----------



## ne9907

Nsweet said:


> I met two of you TAM women in person, and what should have been a pleasant conversation getting to know you became very awkward all to fast when you started telling me about your relationship problems with your STBX-FWB.
> 
> Ladies, that's not something you should be bringing up when you're meeting someone for the first time. That's a boundaries issue. If I had been the perfect guy for you (just pretend) that would have killed your chances with me. No one who is truly over their exes wants to talk about their exes with their dates.
> 
> I did have a lot of fun meeting both of you besides that. I just needed to get this off my chest.


My friend and I had lots of fun with you! It was great. 
The above comment I see it as constructive criticism. I am always positive with constructive criticism. 



Nsweet said:


> It does. I felt like I knew them already, and there was that level of comfort. It was just awkward to go from meeting them for the first time to depressing talk about the FWB within the first 30 minutes.
> 
> 
> I have no problem discussing those issues. I actually love it, but the timing was a bit off.....
> 
> When we go from a regular happy conversation about nothing to out of nowhere you telling me about how your FWB loves you but is not in love with you, only you don't see it, I'm left in sticky conversation.
> 
> I know we just met in real life.... _"Ok, wow. How can I say this without hurting you feelings now?"_
> 
> And it's like "_You know I haven't had sex in forever, right? So you telling me about all the great sex you're getting from your boyfriend kinda brings me down."_
> 
> How is that any different than meeting someone off of a dating site and having to start over when you meet them in person for the first time. Even though you think you know them you have to start over


Because I had no romantic feelings toward you at all. We just recently discussed it. Perhaps you are having a less than stellar day, I will not analyze your thoughts. This second post seemed a lot less constructive criticism and more of an attack on my person.



Nsweet said:


> That's exactly what it was like!
> 
> It's hard for me to listen to it because the whole time I'm fighting off the temptation not to tell you "he's just not that into you" when I know you're not ready to hear it. For some reason I think it's better to lead you into it or let you figure it out on your own.
> .


This just felt wrong. 

I would like to thank you for the great advice you have given me in the past. Most times you are insightful and knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics. I will not ghost you, but this is the parting of the ways for our virtual "friendship."

I shall continue to considerate your advice, as I do believe it is valuable.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> I love that saying. Mind if I use it?
> 
> I'm also going to have to get that second book.


Mama Brave would totes approve! :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

Excerpt From: Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola. “It's Just a F***ing Date.” Diversion Books

There’s something intoxicating about liking someone new and thinking that “this might be it.” We can’t help ourselves; we just race into the future with our thoughts and desires because we want that thing that we don’t have. We want to lock down our future happiness so we know that we’re not going to miss out. It’s the place where desire and desperation meet. It doesn’t feel desperate because the rush of feelings is so yummy, but the “end resulting” is a manifestation of fear that we might miss out. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t get the future that you want, just that you’re less likely to get it if you try to cement it prematurely. People arrive at their true feelings at their own pace. Rushing yourself or someone else into feeling something they’re unsure of or bending and reshaping yourself to try to be what will get them to commit is the beginning of the end. We know it’s exciting and anxiety riddled because you want so badly for it to work out. For something to be “the thing” that fills in the blanks you’re leaving open, you have to calm those feelings down. Take your time getting to know not only this person but also you with this person. Relationships are like desserts: they are to be savored and enjoyed; otherwise, you rush through them, get a headache, feel sick and wish you hadn’t had one in the first place. Besides, what’s the rush?

Think about this: when you find the “One” and decide to spend the rest of your life together, barring sudden death, you’re looking at a very long time. Seriously. That’s why people get cold feet before weddings: not because they think they chose the wrong china pattern; it’s because FOREVER IS A LONG F***ING TIME.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bravenewworld said:


> Excerpt From: Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola. “It's Just a F***ing Date.” Diversion Books
> 
> There’s something intoxicating about liking someone new and thinking that “this might be it.” We can’t help ourselves; we just race into the future with our thoughts and desires because we want that thing that we don’t have. We want to lock down our future happiness so we know that we’re not going to miss out. It’s the place where desire and desperation meet. It doesn’t feel desperate because the rush of feelings is so yummy, but the “end resulting” is a manifestation of fear that we might miss out. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t get the future that you want, just that you’re less likely to get it if you try to cement it prematurely. People arrive at their true feelings at their own pace. Rushing yourself or someone else into feeling something they’re unsure of or bending and reshaping yourself to try to be what will get them to commit is the beginning of the end. We know it’s exciting and anxiety riddled because you want so badly for it to work out. For something to be “the thing” that fills in the blanks you’re leaving open, you have to calm those feelings down. Take your time getting to know not only this person but also you with this person. Relationships are like desserts: they are to be savored and enjoyed; otherwise, you rush through them, get a headache, feel sick and wish you hadn’t had one in the first place. Besides, what’s the rush?
> 
> Think about this: when you find the “One” and decide to spend the rest of your life together, barring sudden death, you’re looking at a very long time. Seriously. That’s why people get cold feet before weddings: not because they think they chose the wrong china pattern; it’s because FOREVER IS A LONG F***ING TIME.


To sum up, envision the person of your dreams doing a very simple thing, such as pooing and wiping his/her bum (and stinking up the washroom, as all humans do.) If you are still okay with the person after thinking about this, they're a good prospect. If you find yourself refusing to contemplate this, move on, you're stuck in dreamland.


----------



## bravenewworld

*Re: The singles of TAMes*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> To sum up, envision the person of your dreams doing a very simple thing, such as pooing and wiping his/her bum (and stinking up the washroom, as all humans do.) If you are still okay with the person after thinking about this, they're a good prospect. If you find yourself refusing to contemplate this, move on, you're stuck in dreamland.


Oh man - now that is literally a sh!t test haha. 

Stupid question that an 8th grader would probably know the answer to - how can you tell when someone is flirting with you? 

There's this guy at my new job (an extremely busy bar) who seems like he is often trying to catch my eye. I felt a little awkward about the entire thing so I made it a point not to look at him and he started doing little things to catch my attention: asking for help with easy stuff, and shooting paper baskets into the trash can at my work station (one almost hit me in the face. How romantic.)

Part of me thinks anything would feel like flirting from someone straight and extremely handsome. Will probably stay polite but cool - usually I can tell if it's flirting but in this case who knows. Plus it's always a bad idea to get involved with co-workers. 

So random I am super attracted to him, I rarely feel that right off the bat. I wish I could hide my expressions better! I'll practice.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

*Re: The singles of TAMes*



bravenewworld said:


> Oh man - now that is literally a sh!t test haha.
> 
> Stupid question that an 8th grader would probably know the answer to - how can you tell when someone is flirting with you?
> 
> There's this guy at my new job (an extremely busy bar) who seems like he is often trying to catch my eye. I felt a little awkward about the entire thing so I made it a point not to look at him and he started doing little things to catch my attention: asking for help with easy stuff, and shooting paper baskets into the trash can at my work station (one almost hit me in the face. How romantic.)
> 
> Part of me thinks anything would feels like flirting from someone straight and extremely handsome. Will probably stay polite but cool - usually I can tell if it's flirting but in this case who knows. Plus it's always a bad idea to get involved with co-workers.
> 
> So random I am super attracted to him, I rarely feel that right off the bat. I wish I could hide my expressions better! I'll practice.


It doesn't matter if he's flirting with you or not. If you're interested in him and attracted to him, and he's showing interest in you, you can ask him to go out for a drink or dinner after work. If he declines, then you know he's just flirting. And you'll save yourself a lot of energy obsessing over whether he's flirting or not, or whether you guys could ever go out. It's not against the laws to ask someone out at work, it's against the law if either of you harass each other after a statement of non-interest.


----------



## Arendt

Nsweet said:


> . . .
> I met two of you TAM women in person, and what should have been a pleasant conversation getting to know you became very awkward all to fast when you started telling me about your relationship problems with your STBX-FWB.
> 
> . . .


I like your posts normally but I think you were out of line posting about your private conversations with two people here that you met in person. 

The stuff you are saying about FWB relationships seems right to me in general...just thought I'd say that I thought this little bit was perhaps going too far to make what are otherwise very valid points.


----------



## whitehawk

Hu, so much for that , came back to add something , lost the lot so l ain't rewriting , just move on haha


----------



## Arendt

So I spent the whole weekend with Guatemalan for the most part (except Saturday night). We had a lot of fun. 

She has a speech to give tomorrow and was worried about it because English is her second language so I helped her organize it and sat and listened as she practiced it over and over today, encouraging her so she got better and honed it. And then we had a long "study break" at one point (homework is fun!). 

I'm working at an idea for an oil portrait of her...could turn out really nice.


----------



## bravenewworld

*Re: The singles of TAMes*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It doesn't matter if he's flirting with you or not. If you're interested in him and attracted to him, and he's showing interest in you, you can ask him to go out for a drink or dinner after work. If he declines, then you know he's just flirting. And you'll save yourself a lot of energy obsessing over whether he's flirting or not, or whether you guys could ever go out. It's not against the laws to ask someone out at work, it's against the law if either of you harass each other after a statement of non-interest.


Good advice! I think I'm going to wait it out a bit and see how I feel. I don't need everyone at work thinking I'm an oversexed a$$hat until at least my second month. 

I'm not going to obsess over the flirting, in fact, I usually feel like it's a little conceited to assume someone's flirting with you unless it's super obvious or you're on a date. I wink at people all the time just to be friendly - and it definitely has been misconstrued before. 

Been loafing around my apt, neighbor just invited me to a beer garden tonight for the holiday weekend. Apparently she gets a discount there - sweet! Can't go wrong with suds and sausages.


----------



## moxy

NSweet, you mentioned meeting two people from TAM -- me, being one of them. However, your criticisms and words don't make sense to me because we did not date. I do not believe that I've ever harbored or expressed any romantic feeling toward you, nor have you toward me. We did meet and have a lovely time hanging out, but nothing in our meeting was date-like, as far as I know. I did talk about my life, you talked about yours, my cousin who was hanging out with us talked about his (love lives and addictions and family and other things, too) -- and, I did so in the same way I would, if I met anyone from TAM who I considered a friend: with a sense of adding another dimension (physical awareness) to an extant friendship in context of the support group structure contained by TAM, without a bunch of starting over and getting to know a person outside the discourse of common hardship and relationship woes (because what would be the point of that?). In online dating, there is flirtation and intention involved and nowhere near the kind of emotional soul-baring that a place like TAM offers; I share more with TAM than with my friends, my therapist -- sometimes even myself. Friendship is not the same as dating and meetings have very different purposes. I view TAM as a support group, not a hook-up site. If that conversation was awkward for you, then, that's a shame. It didn't seem that way to me. I tend to think it's fun to meet people (and I often chat with strangers, too), even if it's just for a day. So, to critique a platonic friendly meeting as a date isn't constructive because apples are not like screwdrivers.  I hope we are still friends, but trust me when I say that I'm outgoing and open-book like with friends (and obviously more relaxed the more I know someone), but definitely not on a date. So, I don't think any boundaries were crossed, but I'll certainly never meet up with anyone from TAM again, after reading all of this! I have found your words to be kinda insulting; I didn't mention anything about meeting people from TAM in life (by the way thread-watchers, none of those videos or stalker stories Nsweet posted about were from me; I do not do that stuff and I've only sent risqué photos to two people; Nsweet is NOT one of those two) and now this thread feels unwelcoming.

You commented about FWBs and love relationships, too. So here's what I have to say about it. While I've been calling what Guy and I are doing "FWB", it's never truly been that; it's always been dating of an incredibly casual nature that is probably dysfunctional because he and I are both dysfunctional people. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was dating. Also, I think that talking about relationships of any sort is valuable post-divorce because people are rebuilding identities, boundaries, and values. Just because a relationship isn't perfect, isn't headed toward marriage, isn't completely healthy, doesn't mean it's worthless it devoid of value; life is full of lessons and learning experiences, right?

I'm not trying to make drama on the thread, but I feel like I have to defend myself after your words.


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> I like your posts normally but I think you were out of line posting about your private conversations with two people here that you met in person.
> 
> The stuff you are saying about FWB relationships seems right to me in general...just thought I'd say that I thought this little bit was perhaps going too far to make what are otherwise very valid points.


Agreeing with Arendt on this. I assumed you spoke with them about this before putting it up on TAM but from ne's and now moxy's response I'm realizing it was the first time they heard you felt that way.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> What happened with you guys again RD ? Sure you don't wanna get back with her ?
> l'm thinking it was only 4 or 5mths back you and l both were missing ex's .


I miss certain qualities of hers but no I don't miss her. I feel nothing really, so her little game is nothing but a nuisance. Now ok sure, I'm sure she has matured/changed last two years but we've drifted apart. Why she's holding onto something that's already lost I don't understand, unless my friend has been misinformed or telling me BS.

Besides I'm quite content with my lifestyle with FWB


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Got to have thick skin for those types of things. You are an artist of some sort?


Painter, photographer, writer, and beer enthusiast! Now if I could just get paid for being a beer enthusiast.....oh wait I work at a bar.


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> So, I don't think any boundaries were crossed, but I'll certainly never meet up with anyone from TAM again, after reading all of this! I have found your words to be kinda insulting; I didn't mention anything about meeting people from TAM in life (by the way thread-watchers, none of those videos or stalker stories Nsweet posted about were from me; I do not do that stuff and I've only sent risqué photos to two people; Nsweet is NOT one of those two) and now this thread feels unwelcoming.


Hey Moxy...I enjoy your posts and really appreciated your advice about my dating Guatemalan. I have liked her from the get-go and could have made some big mistakes had I not had your words to say, just date her and see how it goes rather than playing around a whole bunch and risk messing up what might be a really good thing. That was very helpful to me because I have no idea what I am doing. You are clearly a very intelligent thoughtful person and I hope to continue seeing your posts as long as I stick around here .



moxy said:


> While I've been calling what Guy and I are doing "FWB", it's never truly been that; it's always been dating of an incredibly casual nature that is probably dysfunctional because he and I are both dysfunctional people. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was dating. Also, I think that talking about relationships of any sort is valuable post-divorce because people are rebuilding identities, boundaries, and values. Just because a relationship isn't perfect, isn't headed toward marriage, isn't completely healthy, doesn't mean it's worthless it devoid of value; life is full of lessons and learning experiences, right?


So that is some pretty insightful stuff about yourself...not being ready to admit you are in some kind of dating relationship so you called it something else. Funny how we can look back and start telling the story we are living by using a new lens to illuminate what was once a little unclear and hard to see or hard to admit.


----------



## Arendt

bravenewworld said:


> Painter, photographer, writer, and beer enthusiast! Now if I could just get paid for being a beer enthusiast.....oh wait I work at a bar.


Do you have any paintings or photographs in an album? Would love to see your work.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> You commented about FWBs and love relationships, too. So here's what I have to say about it. While I've been calling what Guy and I are doing "FWB", it's never truly been that; it's always been dating of an incredibly casual nature that is probably dysfunctional because he and I are both dysfunctional people. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was dating. Also, I think that talking about relationships of any sort is valuable post-divorce because people are rebuilding identities, boundaries, and values. Just because a relationship isn't perfect, isn't headed toward marriage, isn't completely healthy, doesn't mean it's worthless it devoid of value; life is full of lessons and learning experiences, right?
> .


Good for you Moxy, you clearly know what you want, eventhough it has taken you a while to realize it. Not me. My thing is just FB, that is how I want it.



bravenewworld said:


> Painter, photographer, writer, and beer enthusiast!


I have been thinking about painting again. I will go for a self portrait. I will be holding the universe in my hand and reaching out with it, as if offering it to the world. Oh, and wild, long hair!!! I might be naked (but in the shadows).

I totally need to take this hobby again.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I have been thinking about painting again. I will go for a self portrait. I will be holding the universe in my hand and reaching out with it, as if offering it to the world. Oh, and wild, long hair!!! I might be naked (but in the shadows).
> 
> I totally need to take this hobby again.


Yes, you should take it up (again!). Painting is a great release and your idea for a self-portrait is a good one.


----------



## moxy

Thx. Arendt and Ne. It's been 8 months of getting together between me and Guy, but our situation is confusing so calling it FWB feels safer. We talk about the near future; he's asked me to be exclusive with him (more than once); he said he wanted to keep talking through his deployment and see me on leave; so...I don't think that's just fvcking, though I'm insecure about it because he's younger, I'm still heartbroken from my ex-h, and because we have terrible communication and a lot of uncertainty about everything. I don't think either of us is clear on what we want, but we are having fun in the meantime. Also, we stay in and don't go out, haven't met each other's friends, don't talk every day, and we only occasionally do real works favors for each other outside of a little bubble of intimacy. So...confusing. In my mind, FWB is the gray area that makes up all of the dating stuff before declaring yourself a couple to the world. GF/BF is (in my mind) like FWB + commitment and some idea of a LTR beyond a few months (or, just something with more depth and certainty and going out in public). We aren't in a forever sort of relationship (that's my guess), so it's FWB, regardless of feelings. Despite all that, we had an awesome night the other night, but a bit of a tiff in the morning, and now we are not talking. So, who knows what's next. This week's been intense.


----------



## moxy

Painting is awesome. Charcoal drawing is also really fun. Worth doing.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Yes, you should take it up (again!). Painting is a great release and your idea for a self-portrait is a good one.


I am going to do a sketch this week and will post it on the album, I'll let you know when it is up.


----------



## Nsweet

This will be my last post on TAM. 

I deleted all of my "friends", and I'm not not coming back. 

Goodbye all.


----------



## RandomDude

Nsweet said:


> This will be my last post on TAM.
> 
> I deleted all of my "friends", and I'm not not coming back.
> 
> Goodbye all.


:scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:


My thoughts exactly.


----------



## bravenewworld

Nsweet said:


> This will be my last post on TAM.
> 
> I deleted all of my "friends", and I'm not not coming back.
> 
> Goodbye all.



Huh?

Didn't seem like anything happened that couldn't be discussed/remedied. #confused

Edited to add: Dude you are being drama, you didn't even delete your profile so you can see the reactions.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Painter, photographer, writer, and beer enthusiast! Now if I could just get paid for being a beer enthusiast.....oh wait I work at a bar.



Now brave , l was a painter for a long time. But the bit that really interested me here is the beer enthusiast part,
l did so many pieces [email protected] or stoned or both. So l really think what we need here is some beer enthusiasm, 2 painters, some paint and an 8ft square canvas . This one def has potential :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Uh , and some decent music and a fkg big sound system and we're good to go :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Huh?
> 
> Didn't seem like anything happened that couldn't be discussed/remedied. #confused
> 
> Edited to add: Dude you are being drama, you didn't even delete your profile so you can see the reactions.


Gotta go with this on this one guys . :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> Now brave , l was a painter for a long time. But the bit that really interested me here is the beer enthusiast part,
> l did so many pieces [email protected] or stoned or both. So l really think what we need here is some beer enthusiasm, 2 painters, some paint and an 8ft square canvas . This one def has potential :smthumbup:


This week I have had the following beers on draft:

-Decadent Imperial IPA
-Old 38 Nitro
-Pliny the Elder

We'll make a Pollock!


----------



## poppyseed

RandomDude said:


> I'm thinking of confronting ex next weekend to crush her hopes - we'll be in limbo for too long otherwise. Only problem is figuring how to confront her with the evidence without incriminating my contact.


My advice would be "Just file for D". Do not risk getting sucked into her spider's web.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I have been thinking about painting again. I will go for a self portrait. I will be holding the universe in my hand and reaching out with it, as if offering it to the world. Oh, and wild, long hair!!! I might be naked (but in the shadows).
> 
> I totally need to take this hobby again.


Cool concept! I'm really curious to see what you'll do with it. I'm moving and am trying to make some new stuff for my walls. It's more difficult than I anticipated!


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> This week I have had the following beers on draft:
> 
> -Decadent Imperial IPA
> -Old 38 Nitro
> -Pliny the Elder
> 
> We'll make a Pollock!


Haha , perfect . Hey l like the sound of the nitro to


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> Thx. Arendt and Ne. It's been 8 months of getting together between me and Guy, but our situation is confusing so calling it FWB feels safer. We talk about the near future; he's asked me to be exclusive with him (more than once); he said he wanted to keep talking through his deployment and see me on leave; so...I don't think that's just fvcking, though I'm insecure about it because he's younger, I'm still heartbroken from my ex-h, and because we have terrible communication and a lot of uncertainty about everything. I don't think either of us is clear on what we want, but we are having fun in the meantime. Also, we stay in and don't go out, haven't met each other's friends, don't talk every day, and we only occasionally do real works favors for each other outside of a little bubble of intimacy. So...confusing. In my mind, FWB is the gray area that makes up all of the dating stuff before declaring yourself a couple to the world. GF/BF is (in my mind) like FWB + commitment and some idea of a LTR beyond a few months (or, just something with more depth and certainty and going out in public). We aren't in a forever sort of relationship (that's my guess), so it's FWB, regardless of feelings. Despite all that, we had an awesome night the other night, but a bit of a tiff in the morning, and now we are not talking. So, who knows what's next. This week's been intense.


Good luck, Moxy. I also hope you don't stop posting. I enjoy reading you.


----------



## poppyseed

moxy said:


> I'm insecure about it because he's younger, I'm still heartbroken from my ex-h, and because we have terrible communication and a lot of uncertainty about everything.
> .


Moxy, would it be so rude of me if had asked you to remind us roughly what age range you would be in? Is he younger a lot? 15 years younger? 20 years younger? If he's in his late 20s then it may be fair to say, that you certainly wouldn't be the last one for him to have relationships with. Certainly, you probably would be someone he would always remember even after he met someone else / most likely, other important women in his life. 

FWB relationships (like any other types of relationships), it has its sell by date and it's natural for people to move on as their needs may change as time goes by. Particularly, it may be the case when one becomes emotionally involved and the other isn't.


----------



## RandomDude

poppyseed said:


> My advice would be "Just file for D". Do not risk getting sucked into her spider's web.


But I want to maintain my arrangements with this spider without bad blood! Our daughter deserves at least that.


----------



## moxy

poppyseed said:


> Moxy, would it be so rude of me if had asked you to remind us roughly what age range you would be in? Is he younger a lot? 15 years younger? 20 years younger? If he's in his late 20s then it may be fair to say, that you certainly wouldn't be the last one for him to have relationships with. Certainly, you probably would be someone he would always remember even after he met someone else / most likely, other important women in his life.
> 
> FWB relationships (like any other types of relationships), it has its sell by date and it's natural for people to move on as their needs may change as time goes by. Particularly, it may be the case when one becomes emotionally involved and the other isn't.



He's 27. I'm 36. I don't need it to be a forever relationship and I am not thinking more than a few months down the line in my own life. I see this time as a gift, whatever it is. I'm fine with a casual arrangement, if that's all we have, but it's unclear what he wants and his mixed signals confuse me. He discusses plans months (and a year or more) down the line, future issues, feelings, gets really intense with me, and then gets distant when we have troubles. Sometimes he's more emotionally invested, sometimes I am. I've kept him at arms length for a while and have only recently opened up more; he runs hot and cold these days, especially because of his life circumstances (deployment ahead). I wonder if he's just not into me, but he seems hurt when I assume things like that and gets grouchy if I let that feeling show. I don't think either of us know what we want from the other and maybe all we are doing is having some fun for a while, but...I would like to be a little less confused. :/ I'd be sad if he were to say he's done with things, but I wouldn't crumble to pieces. He did ask me to be exclusive; I agreed. Mostly, I just want to spend time with him when I can (and have lots of sex, but hanging out without it is also okay with me) and I am not looking for any promises or commitments beyond that. I hope I'm being realistic and cool about things; I try not to pressure him and I've not told him my feelings (he is loved, without obligation of reciprocity), but plan to before he leaves. I fully expect him to meet some knockout 22 year old and forget all about me, some day, but I hope it's not soon.


----------



## Another Planet

Nsweet said:


> *Attention singles of TAM! *
> 
> *Friends with benefits (FWBs) are not real relationships and they do not last long.
> 
> If you're on here seeking advice about how you can make him/her love you as much as they did in the beginning, it's probably over.
> 
> The 180 is not going to help you get them back, because they have already moved on and so should you.
> 
> It's best that you accept their rejection now and recover sooner instead of holding onto the relationship and hurting yourself.
> 
> Love does not happen overnight and in between the sheets, love is a slow process of acceptance once the infatuation is over. *
> 
> Sorry TAM'ers, but it just needed to be said. This thread has become less about singles dating and finding new relationships, developing ourselves and getting back out there, and more about wishful thinking and holding onto the first relationship you can get after divorce.
> 
> There is absolutely nothing worse than making progress after your own divorce and then going backwards to do the same thing you did when you could not accept your marriage was over. It's like waking up one day and deciding you're not going to live in the now, you're going to undo years of therapy to cling onto that one happy memory you have where everything was perfect.


Right on Nsweet. 
And yes as NE said the first month is crucial for setting the pace of what the relationship is going to be. How you treat it and how the other person treats it shapes the final outcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

Geez guys...catching up on the posts from over the weekend :/
This thread is so dynamic, full of lots of different stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## poppyseed

RandomDude said:


> But I want to maintain my arrangements with this spider without bad blood! Our daughter deserves at least that.


This isn't a criticism in anyway but why are you posting on Life *After* Divorce when you haven't had D? Perhaps, the topic may be better explored under "going through D"?


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> To sum up, envision the person of your dreams doing a very simple thing, such as pooing and wiping his/her bum (and stinking up the washroom, as all humans do.) If you are still okay with the person after thinking about this, they're a good prospect. If you find yourself refusing to contemplate this, move on, you're stuck in dreamland.


Had to lol at this. So true, that and other things. It's really anything you could possibly feel like you have to hide from others, if it makes you uncomfortable and you can share it with your SO and they still accept you for you then you definitely got something good. 

I was actually just thinking this about my GF, there are things I am comfortable with about myself that I wasn't comfortable sharing with my exwife! Which is absolutely insane to think about, I went over 10 years with a person and she doesn't even know some things that my GF of almost six months knows about me.
I think my exwife was just so selfish she didn't care about my feelings it was always about her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I miss certain qualities of hers but no I don't miss her. I feel nothing really, so her little game is nothing but a nuisance. Now ok sure, I'm sure she has matured/changed last two years but we've drifted apart. Why she's holding onto something that's already lost I don't understand, unless my friend has been misinformed or telling me BS.
> 
> Besides I'm quite content with my lifestyle with FWB


RD I personally don't think I could reconcile with my exwife now. Other then the fact of I finally realized I don't like her and probably never did but after this long and me being with a few other women what am I going to do if we would get back together? Discuss my gf's and dating life while we were separated? No probably not cause it would cause major resentment, we would never work now. The final nail is in the coffin.
I'm just trying to relate to you why it might not work for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> But I want to maintain my arrangements with this spider without bad blood! Our daughter deserves at least that.



Yep you bet rd. Personally l think you've done it right but l know that's so not the TAM way.
And l did mine the way your trying to to and l tell you what , damn thankful l did, No dramas , peace for my beautiful girl and me . And with ex.
About the same time frame as yours so far.
I was thinking reading your other post ,l mean you don't have to rock up kickin and screaming , provoking her. Try to just gently let it come out through conversation that you are ready to go ahead and you think it might be best to move it along..
Still hearing that same tune may well turn her into moving on.
My ex doing that did me and l thought ok , you still want it ,cool , go for it. Peaceful , no fuss no drama , no fkg courts and great for my girl and me.

Personally l still don't reckon there's any need to risk any drama for your girl and you just yet. A consistent gentle reminder prod might just do it.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> RD I personally don't think I could reconcile with my exwife now. Other then the fact of I finally realized I don't like her and probably never did but after this long and me being with a few other women what am I going to do if we would get back together? Discuss my gf's and dating life while we were separated? No probably not cause it would cause major resentment, we would never work now. The final nail is in the coffin.
> I'm just trying to relate to you why it might not work for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aye, we've gone too far, there's no turning back now. Hence why I find it rather unfortunate that ex hasn't fully let go. Don't worry, I'm not entertaining the idea of reconciliation anytime soon!



whitehawk said:


> Yep you bet rd. Personally l think you've done it right but l know that's so not the TAM way.
> And l did mine the way your trying to to and l tell you what , damn thankful l did, No dramas , peace for my beautiful girl and me . And with ex.
> About the same time frame as yours so far.
> I was thinking reading your other post ,l mean you don't have to rock up kickin and screaming , provoking her. Try to just gently let it come out through conversation that you are ready to go ahead and you think it might be best to move it along..
> Still hearing that same tune may well turn her into moving on.
> My ex doing that did me and l thought ok , you still want it ,cool , go for it. Peaceful , no fuss no drama , no fkg courts and great for my girl and me.
> 
> Personally l still don't reckon there's any need to risk any drama for your girl and you just yet. A consistent gentle reminder prod might just do it.


True, alright we'll see what happens. So much for waiting for her to find someone else who would encourage her to sign for divorce, looks like I have to do it myself... bah!


----------



## bravenewworld

So there's this smoothie spot I like to stop at in the AM, and the last few weeks there's been this guy there at the same time. We started joking around over "who's stalking who" which led to some pretty intense flirting and a number exchange.

We've been texting the past few days - He had promised to take me snorkeling and we were talking about setting up a date. It was all super casual. Suddenly out of nowhere he texts me "I'm just looking for a friend, not a date or hookup." which pretty much ran opposite to everything he told me prior.

It was then I realized - he's just not that into me. But I was a little ticked because I felt like it was silly to waste all my time talking/texting a false impression.

I wrote back "Good for you! Meetup.com is great for finding activity partners. I'm sure we'll see each other around, take care!" 

Deleted his digits from my phone. Still feeling a little bit ticked but also it feels good to just cut someone loose instead of making excuses. Baby steps!


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> He's 27. I'm 36. I don't need it to be a forever relationship and I am not thinking more than a few months down the line in my own life. I see this time as a gift, whatever it is. I'm fine with a casual arrangement, if that's all we have, but it's unclear what he wants and his mixed signals confuse me. He discusses plans months (and a year or more) down the line, future issues, feelings, gets really intense with me, and then gets distant when we have troubles. Sometimes he's more emotionally invested, sometimes I am. I've kept him at arms length for a while and have only recently opened up more; he runs hot and cold these days, especially because of his life circumstances (deployment ahead). I wonder if he's just not into me, but he seems hurt when I assume things like that and gets grouchy if I let that feeling show. I don't think either of us know what we want from the other and maybe all we are doing is having some fun for a while, but...I would like to be a little less confused. :/ I'd be sad if he were to say he's done with things, but I wouldn't crumble to pieces. He did ask me to be exclusive; I agreed. Mostly, I just want to spend time with him when I can (and have lots of sex, but hanging out without it is also okay with me) and I am not looking for any promises or commitments beyond that. I hope I'm being realistic and cool about things; I try not to pressure him and I've not told him my feelings (he is loved, without obligation of reciprocity), but plan to before he leaves. I fully expect him to meet some knockout 22 year old and forget all about me, some day, but I hope it's not soon.


I hear you Moxy. For me it's easy to be casual the first few weeks then I start becoming emotionally invested and get anxiety from lack of control over my emotions. Trying to learn to let go, and enjoy this ride we call life.

Honestly, I'm way more confident/hot now than when I was 22. And also probably more delusional.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> Had to lol at this. So true, that and other things. It's really anything you could possibly feel like you have to hide from others, if it makes you uncomfortable and you can share it with your SO and they still accept you for you then you definitely got something good.
> 
> I was actually just thinking this about my GF, there are things I am comfortable with about myself that I wasn't comfortable sharing with my exwife! Which is absolutely insane to think about, I went over 10 years with a person and she doesn't even know some things that my GF of almost six months knows about me.
> I think my exwife was just so selfish she didn't care about my feelings it was always about her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's cool that you see it like that. With sharing stuff and all that, emotionally.
I just meant it absolutely literally. If you can't stand the bare human facts of your partner, when they are taking care of a basic human necessity, the relationship is doomed to fail. Sooner or later you might have to wipe their butt. If you aren't going to 'get their back' on that, you might as well never even start with anything else.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, it would appear that things with Fireman are back on... we've been texting non-stop the last two days, and we hashed out a lot of stuff. (He initiated, not me... I stuck to my guns about not contacting him until I heard from him.) Seems there was a lot of miscommunication/understanding on both sides, so we definitely need to work on that. We've got a date for tomorrow night. He's got the car situation sorted out, so no more, "Baby, I don't have a car" excuses.

I'm not saying anything is certain, I want to see how the next few weeks go. If he pulls the same sh!t again, it's over, but I'm hoping that won't happen.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> So, it would appear that things with Fireman are back on... we've been texting non-stop the last two days, and we hashed out a lot of stuff. (He initiated, not me... I stuck to my guns about not contacting him until I heard from him.) Seems there was a lot of miscommunication/understanding on both sides, so we definitely need to work on that. We've got a date for tomorrow night. He's got the car situation sorted out, so no more, "Baby, I don't have a car" excuses.
> 
> I'm not saying anything is certain, I want to see how the next few weeks go. If he pulls the same sh!t again, it's over, but I'm hoping that won't happen.


I expected that to happen. I'm happy for you that you're giving it another try. You guys are just learning how to communicate with each other, maybe? If you've had an intense first month, then it makes sense to slow down to a manageable pace for a bit, right?  How did you guys hash things out?


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I expected that to happen. I'm happy for you that you're giving it another try. You guys are just learning how to communicate with each other, maybe? If you've had an intense first month, then it makes sense to slow down to a manageable pace for a bit, right?  How did you guys hash things out?


Yeah, I think we're learning to communicate and better understand what the other was trying to say. There was a lot of, "I thought you meant..." and "No, that's not what I meant, I said..." and "I still want to be with you" and "I miss you" (in both directions). His messages tend to be short and cryptic, and my tend to be meandering and wordy, so I'm trying to extrapolate some sort of of cognitive message with very little to go on, while he's trying to figure out what the actual point of my meanderings is.

It's a work in progress, clearly.


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Another Planet said:
> 
> 
> 
> Had to lol at this. So true, that and other things. It's really anything you could possibly feel like you have to hide from others, if it makes you uncomfortable and you can share it with your SO and they still accept you for you then you definitely got something good.
> 
> I was actually just thinking this about my GF, there are things I am comfortable with about myself that I wasn't comfortable sharing with my exwife! Which is absolutely insane to think about, I went over 10 years with a person and she doesn't even know some things that my GF of almost six months knows about me.
> I think my exwife was just so selfish she didn't care about my feelings it was always about her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> 
> That's cool that you see it like that. With sharing stuff and all that, emotionally.
> I just meant it absolutely literally. If you can't stand the bare human facts of your partner, when they are taking care of a basic human necessity, the relationship is doomed to fail. Sooner or later you might have to wipe their butt. If you aren't going to 'get their back' on that, you might as well never even start with anything else.
Click to expand...

No I mean it all around not just emotionally. 

And this new mobile platform is very interesting.


----------



## Jellybeans

Haven't tried the newest mobile platform but on my PC all the letters are lightened on here. It's weird. Anyone else? The colors are all muted.


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Suddenly out of nowhere he texts me "I'm just looking for a friend, not a date or hookup." which pretty much ran opposite to everything he told me prior.
> 
> It was then I realized - he's just not that into me. But I was a little ticked because I felt like it was silly to waste all my time talking/texting a false impression.
> 
> I wrote back *"Good for you! Meetup.com is great for finding activity partners. I'm sure we'll see each other around, take care!" *
> 
> Deleted his digits from my phone.


I love this response so much! LOL. Good for you for essentially telling him you are not going to sit around pining. :smthumbup:



bravenewworld said:


> Honestly, I'm way more confident/hot now than when I was 22. And also probably more delusional.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Haven't tried the newest mobile platform but on my PC all the letters are lightened on here. It's weird. Anyone else? The colors are all muted.


Oh its waaaaay better then the old one! I like it 
I noticed sometime last week that they started using AdWords or whatever its called. Trying to make money off the coolest peeps of TAM lol


----------



## movealong

So, I have gotten together with a girl I knew from 2nd grade all the way through high school. We never dated, but we did skinny dip once, lol. We liked each other back then, but it just never was good timing. 

I am really digging the way I feel around her, and her actions and text/talk says she feels the same. I had to laugh last evening, she sent me a text that said "I feel like a teenager again...got the pimples to prove it. Haven't had any in years (pimples) and now I have 2! WTF?"

You know, the funny thing is, I am having that giddy feeling too. I like it.

I am going to be cautious, though. She has a special needs daughter. I do NOT want to cause her daughter, or her, grief by letting her get attached if this turns out not to be long term. So, I am going to take it as slow as she and our hormones will allow.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Trying to make money off *the coolest peeps of TAM* lol


:smthumbup:




movealong said:


> I am really digging the way I feel around her, and her actions and text/talk says she feels the same. I had to laugh last evening, she sent me a text that said "I feel like a teenager again...got the pimples to prove it. Haven't had any in years (pimples) and now I have 2! WTF?"


Cute! And the 2nd grade? Wow. That's a long time. It's cute. And there should be a law somewhere - nobody should get pimples after the age of 20. Goodness those things are annoying!


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> So, I have gotten together with a girl I knew from 2nd grade all the way through high school. We never dated, but we did skinny dip once, lol. We liked each other back then, but it just never was good timing.
> 
> I am really digging the way I feel around her, and her actions and text/talk says she feels the same. I had to laugh last evening, she sent me a text that said "I feel like a teenager again...got the pimples to prove it. Haven't had any in years (pimples) and now I have 2! WTF?"
> 
> You know, the funny thing is, I am having that giddy feeling too. I like it.
> 
> I am going to be cautious, though. She has a special needs daughter. I do NOT want to cause her daughter, or her, grief by letting her get attached if this turns out not to be long term. So, I am going to take it as slow as she and our hormones will allow.


It can be tough but do all of you a favor and wait a couple months before meeting kids. We say it a lot around here because we know from experience. 
Let the infatuation or dating phase wear off so you two can get the feel of the real you together.
You never know what will flip that switch off and either of you realize you don't actually like each other.


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> It can be tough but do all of you a favor and wait a couple months before meeting kids. We say it a lot around here because we know from experience.
> Let the infatuation or dating phase wear off so you two can get the feel of the real you together.
> You never know what will flip that switch off and either of you realize you don't actually like each other.


I agree...but it is too late for that. Because we were friends first my daughter and I were invited to her parents place for the long weekend. We had a great time and really that is where the spark started. No, we didn't do anything in front of the kids but it was pretty obvious there was chemistry.

Now I am looking at how to deal with situations that may come up because my kids and her kids know there is something there. 

If I were talking to my son, I would tell him to be careful, so I am going to take my own advice and proceed with cautious optimism.


----------



## Jellybeans

"Cautious optimism" - I love that term.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Honestly, I'm way more confident/hot now than when I was 22. And also probably more delusional.


Omg, me too!! I feel that I have never looked better 





FeministInPink said:


> His messages tend to be short and cryptic, and my tend to be meandering and word.


I think most women tend to write long text messages, I do. blue on the other hand, his are very short, to the point. Mine read like a novel 
Congrats FiP!



Another Planet said:


> Trying to make money off the coolest peeps of TAM lol


:lol:


----------



## bravenewworld

Saw this and thought it was a GREAT article for the awesome and confident singles of TAM. :toast:

http://markmanson.net/****-yes/

Edited to add: it won't let me direct link because of a "bad" word in the title that starts with F and ends with Uck. ::rolls eyes::


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Saw this and thought it was a GREAT article for the awesome and confident singles of TAM. :toast:
> 
> The Law of Eff Yes or No


I read this other day and meant to post it, but forgot, so I'm glad you did. It's a good read.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> I love this response so much! LOL. Good for you for essentially telling him you are not going to sit around pining. :smthumbup:


Thanks JB! Trying to approach this dating thing differently. Cutting the cord sooner rather than later. No matter what relationships are a lot of work, but it shouldn't be so much work in the beginning! 

Another pet peeve - what's up with all this texting?! Now, I don't mind texting and actually do it often, but it doesn't really get the motor rev'ing regarding sexual attraction. So much better to actually HEAR the person's voice. 

Had another incident actually. This guy and I have been texting (ugh) and he said let's figure out plans to meet up. Well 3 days have gone by and there's been more texting but no mention of making actual plans to meet up. I basically wrote him back "Hey I've enjoyed chatting with you but I'm not looking for a texting buddy. Too bad we didn't make plans, but I like to keep it moving. Maybe I'll see you around." 

Again, number deleted. I'm looking at actions nowadays, not words and "promises."


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> So, I have gotten together with a girl I knew from 2nd grade all the way through high school. We never dated, but we did skinny dip once, lol. We liked each other back then, but it just never was good timing.
> 
> I am really digging the way I feel around her, and her actions and text/talk says she feels the same. I had to laugh last evening, she sent me a text that said "I feel like a teenager again...got the pimples to prove it. Haven't had any in years (pimples) and now I have 2! WTF?"
> 
> You know, the funny thing is, I am having that giddy feeling too. I like it.
> 
> I am going to be cautious, though. She has a special needs daughter. I do NOT want to cause her daughter, or her, grief by letting her get attached if this turns out not to be long term. *So, I am going to take it as slow as she and our hormones will allow.*


This is the hard part. When I'm attracted to someone, my hormones are usually screaming by date 2.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> This is the hard part. When I'm attracted to someone, my hormones are usually screaming by date 2.


Only date 2?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> It can be tough but do all of you a favor and wait a couple months before meeting kids. We say it a lot around here because we know from experience.
> Let the infatuation or dating phase wear off so you two can get the feel of the real you together.
> You never know what will flip that switch off and either of you realize you don't actually like each other.


Yeah T , the girl l'm seeing atm , another T Ha. Made a few posts about what's goin on but the changed my mind and deleted them.
Anyway , , we met at her place just for the girls to get together a wk or two back. Just as friends around them was the plan , checking out her new house.
l was amazed at how the kids reacted though yet we let out absolutely nothing.

They just know when it's someone different, you won't be able to hide it and the little tongues and minds start wagging and wondering, straight away. lt was such a weird feeling. We could feel them ticking away. So the day didn't work too good bc all that side backfired and we just don't want anything like that with them yet , no where near it.

Anyway she said the other night we should come over for tea but l said um,you really think we could get away with that one. She said ahh , no , not really , l just wish though.

So we're back to sneaking round like kids ,it's pretty cool really , fun. But we still feel so guilty about it like that now , as if we're lying to them and going behind their backs.

So def just keep it away from them in the first place people , until your well and truly sure it's going to amount to anything , is the best way l think bc you won't fool them.

Little rascals :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Saw this and thought it was a GREAT article for the awesome and confident singles of TAM. :toast:
> 
> http://markmanson.net/****-yes/
> 
> Edited to add: it won't let me direct link because of a "bad" word in the title that starts with F and ends with Uck. ::rolls eyes::


I cant read it, I click on it and it read bad link ....

You all know how i have been stressing lately, anyway, I had told blue to give me some space (no texting), he was understanding and he was also out of town so no much hard done there.

He texted me today, we began talking etc, I am still a bit stressed out and frustrated...
He actually asked me "What do you need?" (in a relationship)
I played it cool because 
1. He is leaving
2. I have no desire of being in a relationship (yeah, i am terrified)

So question for you all... 
DO you think he has feelings for me? Could he want more? But makes no sense at all, becasue he is leaving!!


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I cant read it, I click on it and it read bad link ....
> 
> You all know how i have been stressing lately, anyway, I had told blue to give me some space (no texting), he was understanding and he was also out of town so no much hard done there.
> 
> He texted me today, we began talking etc, I am still a bit stressed out and frustrated...
> He actually asked me "What do you need?" (in a relationship)
> I played it cool because
> 1. He is leaving
> 2. I have no desire of being in a relationship (yeah, i am terrified)
> 
> So question for you all...
> DO you think he has feelings for me? Could he want more? But makes no sense at all, becasue he is leaving!!


Strange question to ask if he doesn't.


----------



## moxy

You won't know until you talk to him. Tell him what you need or want from him and your concerns. He's willing to listen, if he's asking the question. So just tell him that you like spending time with him, you dislike having to pretend you don't have feelings or affection, you don't know what he wants, and it's hard to think of what options are possible because he us leaving and that effectively ends the kind of thing you have going on. It's a really great opportunity for you to really talk to him and see what's going on. I would jump all over that chance to spill my guts, if I had it!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> You won't know until you talk to him. Tell him what you need or want from him and your concerns. He's willing to listen, if he's asking the question. So just tell him that you like spending time with him, you dislike having to pretend you don't have feelings or affection, you don't know what he wants, and it's hard to think of what options are possible because he us leaving and that effectively ends the kind of thing you have going on. It's a really great opportunity for you to really talk to him and see what's going on. I would jump all over that chance to spill my guts, if I had it!


Actually, I like the way things are. No commitment and no labels. I simply enjoy spending time with him.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Actually, I like the way things are. No commitment and no labels. I simply enjoy spending time with him.


Then, tell him that. 

But...why did you need space? Just to have some time to yourself for a bit? We all need that, sometimes. Dating/hooking up/hanging out/whatever can be a little exhausting sometimes. One needs to replenish the soul a bit, at times.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Then, tell him that.
> 
> But...why did you need space? Just to have some time to yourself for a bit? We all need that, sometimes. Dating/hooking up/hanging out/whatever can be a little exhausting sometimes. One needs to replenish the soul a bit, at times.


Because of stress, anxiety, I was very emotional, everything and anything would make me want to cry. I certainly do not want him to see me cry. Why? 
Because I do not want to seem like I am asking him for emotional support, if I wanted his emotional support, it would probably signal to him that I want more than what he is giving me. 
Like I have said before, all I want him to see me as is happy. Nothing else, nothing more (although I have been b!tchy sometimes  )


----------



## Arendt

So I went to counseling today and the therapist recommended I do "mindfuless meditation." She led me through a short exercise and pointed me to some university and community groups who do it, saying that it would help me clear my mind and stay in the "today" with regard to all the changes I have and am going through in life, including dating Guatemalan. I am going to give it a try, but I need a group to do such a thing and plan to sign up for free stuff at my university. Anybody else do meditation? 

Spent the night at Guatemalan's last night. We had a lot of fun as usual. She showed me old photos and newspaper clipping of her mountain climbing days. She was pretty well-known, had sponsors, won lots of awards, etc. It was really cool to see. 

We were talking and laughing and at one point she said something about hoping I don't "move to far away" from her. I didn't follow up much on that, but it did indicate to me that she is aware that my academic trajectory may take me to someplace new someday. Or not. I have no idea (there is a good post-doc nearby actually, I hope to get that...otherwise there are a couple positions in Chicago that are good too which is also close...but everything else is a big move...I am applying to about 20 places as of now for next Fall positions). I didn't want to get into a conversation about the future since we are early. I stupidly asked, however, if she ever imagined herself leaving the Milwaukee area and she said that it would require cooperation from her ex, which is unlikely with the children. I left it at that. Didn't pursue it further at all. We went on to talk about something else.

I don't think conversations about that stuff are helpful right now. I don't know where I might get offers, if I do at all, and I am happy in this area. I have even considered leaving academics, at least my theological discipline for other work using my skills to help people in new ways. I am applying for nonacademic jobs in the area already (publishing mostly). But we didn't really discuss anything, it was a brief exchange. It bothered me though and is the type of thing that therapy is for in my view.

I am well aware that this could fall apart for any number of reasons. Her kids, my career, etc. But for the time being I really enjoy her company and she does mine. My therapist thinks that meditation will help me stay in that mindset of not worrying to much about whether this works out (and about career concerns too).


----------



## moxy

Arendt said:


> Anybody else do meditation?


Meditation is a wonderful thing. Mindfulness is important and I even talk about it in my classes. It's a great idea for conditioning yourself to remain grounded in the present.



Arendt said:


> She showed me old photos and newspaper clippings...


That is really delightful. How awesome that she is letting you into her life in this way. I don't think I have *ever* done that kind of thing with anyone. 



Arendt said:


> I didn't want to get into a conversation about the future since we are early. I stupidly asked, however, if she ever imagined herself leaving the Milwaukee area and she said that it would require cooperation from her ex, which is unlikely with the children. I left it at that. Didn't pursue it further at all. We went on to talk about something else.


That's not stupid. It sounds like a good dipping your toes in the water kind of conversation, just see how how each of you feels about being near the other. It doesn't need to develop further into logistics for now; remaining a nebulous hope is a nice thing at an early stage.



Arendt said:


> I don't know where I might get offers, if I do at all,


The market is tough, these days. Good thing you're casting you're net wide. Hang in there!!!



Arendt said:


> But we didn't really discuss anything, it was a brief exchange. It bothered me though and is the type of thing that therapy is for in my view.


Did it bother you because your in-limbo academic status (job market) means you have less control right now and can't really delve into the topic? Did it bother you that it came up at all and that those concerns seem too serious for your dating stage? Did it bother you because you're still adjusting to post-grad-school life and don't want your career to be limited yet if it doesn't need to be? A brief exchange is nice because, instead of defining parameters or borders, it just cultivates hope: it says "Hey, I like you; I kinda want you to stick around." without creating pressure for promises or commitments. 



Arendt said:


> I am well aware that this could fall apart for any number of reasons.


Everything ends; that's life. There is no guarantee that tomorrow will be there. Enjoying what you have, while you have it, is really important.



Arendt said:


> My therapist thinks that meditation will help me stay in that mindset of not worrying to much about whether this works out (and about career concerns too).


Yes. Meditation helps with that. Sometimes, it helps with anxiety -- unless your anxiety is your tether to the moment! Do you keep a journal? That also helps. Not TAM, but something handwritten. The physical act of introspection and writing at the same time slows you down and helps you be in the moment without a need to race to the end of the thought/page/paragraph.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> ..... I certainly do not want him to see me cry. Why? ...
> Because I do not want to seem like I am asking him for emotional support,


I totally understand that!!


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> That is really delightful. How awesome that she is letting you into her life in this way. I don't think I have *ever* done that kind of thing with anyone.


Really? Me neither now that I think of it. I've got a good narrative from her of her life there 14 years ago and her transition to the US, not knowing English, being isolated, afraid (her legal status at the time), and being treated really badly by Americans for not speaking English, being foreign and brown, etc. It took a toll on her. The photos showed a very confident young woman, who could climb mountains and won awards and taught others. She even won a beauty contest! She's definitely coming closer to that self-love and confidence again, but I see glimpses of the low self-esteem and doubt here and there. But she is clearly aware and working on herself. I like that.



moxy said:


> That's not stupid. It sounds like a good dipping your toes in the water kind of conversation, just see how how each of you feels about being near the other. It doesn't need to develop further into logistics for now; remaining a nebulous hope is a nice thing at an early stage.


I like that way of seeing it...



moxy said:


> Did it bother you because your in-limbo academic status (job market) means you have less control right now and can't really delve into the topic? Did it bother you that it came up at all and that those concerns seem too serious for your dating stage? Did it bother you because you're still adjusting to post-grad-school life and don't want your career to be limited yet if it doesn't need to be? A brief exchange is nice because, instead of defining parameters or borders, it just cultivates hope: it says "Hey, I like you; I kinda want you to stick around." without creating pressure for promises or commitments.


It bothered me on a number of fronts. 1) You are right: I have no control at all about this stuff. So yeah, I cannot really say much and that does bother me. 2) It has been this way for years now. Academia has made me a transient who never stays in one place for long. I am sick of it and have been considering leaving academia altogether, but that is a really tough choice...all the identity issues bound up with a PhD and such. But I am jaded a bit. 3) Yet I don't want to be limited. I would like to be able to take a two year post-doc if I want to do so; yet I know that beyond a relationship issue, it is probably bad for me personally.

Thanks for the encouragement that the brief exchange is a good sign. It is a conversation for many months from now if we make it months from now. 

I invited her to Chicago at the end of the month where I am presenting at a conference. Then we can meet one of my long-term friends and his wife there. She is excited about that invitation!



moxy said:


> Do you keep a journal? That also helps. Not TAM, but something handwritten. The physical act of introspection and writing at the same time slows you down and helps you be in the moment without a need to race to the end of the thought/page/paragraph.


Yeah I write in it maybe 3-4 times a week. I started a new one when I moved.

EDIT: Btw...I started reading a bit in a thread you started back in 2012 in the private forums. You have come a long way.


----------



## moxy

Arendt said:


> EDIT: Btw...I started reading a bit in a thread you started back in 2012 in the private forums. You have come a long way.


You should have seen how bad I was before then! More years and incarnations ago, when I started on TAM, I was a disaster. I loved my ex-h with every fiber of my being and the failure of the marriage utterly destroyed me. The fact that I can feel something now and that that something is a kind of love sometimes feels miraculous. Guy has been very good for me, despite our drama and my fear, and I don't think I'd be where I am now if not for both his patience with me and TAM. This place has helped me exponentially more than therapy.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> You should have seen how bad I was before then! More years and incarnations ago, when I started on TAM, I was a disaster. I loved my ex-h with every fiber of my being and the failure of the marriage utterly destroyed me. The fact that I can feel something now and that that something is a kind of love sometimes feels miraculous. Guy has been very good for me, despite our drama and my fear, and I don't think I'd be where I am now if not for both his patience with me and TAM. This place has helped me exponentially more than therapy.


Someone recently asked why some of us going through divorce are hangin out here...on LAD. 

For me, it's this.


----------



## TooNice

Arendt said:


> Anybody else do meditation?


My therapist, along with another therapist in her practice, run a six week mindfulness group. She really wanted me to do the last session, but life was just to hard to fit it in then. Her next session begins tonight, so I'll be there. 

She wants me to use it to learn how to focus on me, and how to be present in my new life. Especially now that I don't have a family to care for every day, it will be good for me to learn how to do be good at this. Although, I have to say, I think I'm off to a decent start.

We will have to compare notes!


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> So I went to counseling today and the therapist recommended I do "mindfuless meditation." She led me through a short exercise and pointed me to some university and community groups who do it, saying that it would help me clear my mind and stay in the "today" with regard to all the changes I have and am going through in life, including dating Guatemalan. I am going to give it a try, but I need a group to do such a thing and plan to sign up for free stuff at my university. Anybody else do meditation?
> 
> Spent the night at Guatemalan's last night. We had a lot of fun as usual. She showed me old photos and newspaper clipping of her mountain climbing days. She was pretty well-known, had sponsors, won lots of awards, etc. It was really cool to see.
> 
> We were talking and laughing and at one point she said something about hoping I don't "move to far away" from her. I didn't follow up much on that, but it did indicate to me that she is aware that my academic trajectory may take me to someplace new someday. Or not. I have no idea (there is a good post-doc nearby actually, I hope to get that...otherwise there are a couple positions in Chicago that are good too which is also close...but everything else is a big move...I am applying to about 20 places as of now for next Fall positions). I didn't want to get into a conversation about the future since we are early. I stupidly asked, however, if she ever imagined herself leaving the Milwaukee area and she said that it would require cooperation from her ex, which is unlikely with the children. I left it at that. Didn't pursue it further at all. We went on to talk about something else.
> 
> I don't think conversations about that stuff are helpful right now. I don't know where I might get offers, if I do at all, and I am happy in this area. I have even considered leaving academics, at least my theological discipline for other work using my skills to help people in new ways. I am applying for nonacademic jobs in the area already (publishing mostly). But we didn't really discuss anything, it was a brief exchange. It bothered me though and is the type of thing that therapy is for in my view.
> 
> I am well aware that this could fall apart for any number of reasons. Her kids, my career, etc. But for the time being I really enjoy her company and she does mine. My therapist thinks that meditation will help me stay in that mindset of not worrying to much about whether this works out (and about career concerns too).


Actually I think discussions about your future plans carry a lot of merit. Wouldn't you want to know if a prospect was possibly moving to another area, it would give you a different angle on where the relationship will be going.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> "mindfuless meditation."


Pardon my ignorance, what is mindfuless meditation?


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Pardon my ignorance, what is mindfuless meditation?


I think it is meditation focused on paying attention to your breath, like yoga meditation. But it is cut off from any religious practice like Buddhism. It is meditation developed by a psychologist at John Hopkins or something. (At least this is what my therapist said...or I remember her saying).


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I had a really nice, low-key date with Fireman last night. We cooked dinner together and spent most of the night just talking and trading stories.

It was kind of funny, since it's been a little while since we've seen each other, it was almost like a first date again. I think we were both a little nervous, after what happened the last two weeks, but it went well. We're probably going to get together this weekend, and he's working in DC all next week, so he'll be staying over at least a couple nights during that time.

A friend of mine, yesterday, was insisting, "You need to ask him what his intentions are! You need to make it clear that this behavior is unacceptable! Etc, etc!!!" And I was like, SLOW DOWN. We'll have those conversations, at some point, but right now is not the time. The last thing that I want to do right now is hit him with a wall of negativity and demands. Right now, the most important thing is to re-connect and re-establish what we had going. Once that's done, we can talk about those other things.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> A friend of mine, yesterday, was insisting, "You need to ask him what his intentions are! You need to make it clear that this behavior is unacceptable! Etc, etc!!!" And I was like, SLOW DOWN. We'll have those conversations, at some point, but right now is not the time. The last thing that I want to do right now is hit him with a wall of negativity and demands. Right now, the most important thing is to re-connect and re-establish what we had going. Once that's done, we can talk about those other things.


Sounds wise to me. But it is for you: the last thing YOU need is a bunch of negativity either. Reconnect and have fun. But do what you said for YOUR sanity, not his. If you try to manage his emotions you will go crazy I think. _You _need to wait on that conversation, so that is why you wait primarily, not because you want to manage the situation in terms of his needs. Otherwise, some habits are brewing...not so good ones.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Sounds wise to me. But it is for you: the last thing YOU need is a bunch of negativity either. Reconnect and have fun. But do what you said for YOUR sanity, not his. If you try to manage his emotions you will go crazy I think. _You _need to wait on that conversation, so that is why you wait primarily, not because you want to manage the situation in terms of his needs. Otherwise, some habits are brewing...not so good ones.


You're right, of course. I thought that kind of went without saying... the last thing I wanted was to have some big heavy discussion/argument last night. All I wanted was to have fun and enjoy one another's company.

Also, generally, I just think it's WAY too early to be asking anyone about their intentions. If someone asked me right now, "What are your intentions with Fireman?" I would think it was really premature. It's too soon to be having any real intentions at all; we're still getting to know one another and we're having fun. That's enough for now.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I cant read it, I click on it and it read bad link ....
> 
> You all know how i have been stressing lately, anyway, I had told blue to give me some space (no texting), he was understanding and he was also out of town so no much hard done there.
> 
> He texted me today, we began talking etc, I am still a bit stressed out and frustrated...
> He actually asked me "What do you need?" (in a relationship)
> I played it cool because
> 1. He is leaving
> 2. I have no desire of being in a relationship (yeah, i am terrified)
> 
> So question for you all...
> DO you think he has feelings for me? Could he want more? But makes no sense at all, becasue he is leaving!!


Link should work if you copy/paste and manually type in a word that rhymes with cluck to replace the asterisks. I couldn't get past the dang spam filter! 

Sounds like he's developed genuine feelings for you. Not a bad thing, but doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship either. 

Also, I think being deployed and similar situations where people are working far from home bring out the relationship feelies.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Pardon my ignorance, what is mindfuless meditation?


I need to get back into meditating, feels so good when you do it daily.

Deepak Chopra has a 21 day meditation series that is an AWESOME intro to mindful meditation. I think it's available for free on the Oprah website and you can also get it in an app version for the iPad.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> A friend of mine, yesterday, was insisting, "You need to ask him what his intentions are! You need to make it clear that this behavior is unacceptable! Etc, etc!!!" And I was like, SLOW DOWN. We'll have those conversations, at some point, but right now is not the time. The last thing that I want to do right now is hit him with a wall of negativity and demands. Right now, the most important thing is to re-connect and re-establish what we had going. Once that's done, we can talk about those other things.


Agree with this, but I think you should also be evaluating if you even can reconnect and if you want to establish a deeper relationship. 

Sounds like he is cool and you have lots of fun, but when the sex is super hot you have to be careful not to get "d!ckmatized" into thinking your relationship compatible when that might not be the case. 

But then again, as a victim of "d!cktimization" I may be projecting.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Haven't really been keeping up with this thread in the last month or so, dropping a line wishing everyone well!


----------



## bravenewworld

Is is just me - or do the rest of you find that sometimes when reading through threads on TAM, marriage winds up sounding like prison? 

I swear, some spouses expect their SO to have no friends or life. No going out with your friends, no extracurricular activities, no exploring who you are as a person outside of marriage. 

I am now realizing how much I prefer using "I" and not "we."


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> You should have seen how bad I was before then! More years and incarnations ago, when I started on TAM, I was a disaster. I loved my ex-h with every fiber of my being and the failure of the marriage utterly destroyed me. The fact that I can feel something now and that that something is a kind of love sometimes feels miraculous. Guy has been very good for me, despite our drama and my fear, and I don't think I'd be where I am now if not for both his patience with me and TAM. This place has helped me exponentially more than therapy.


Just popped in for a sec, this was the first post I read and moxy, just wanted to say as someone who followed your thread in the private section you should be so extremely super duper proud of yourself.

I forget sometimes how much you were hurting just b/c of all the strength and confidence you display today. 

You go girl


----------



## moxy

Thank you, vi.  Some days are better than others, but I am doing okay.


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> Thank you, vi.  Some days are better than others, but I am doing okay.


Second that feeling. Today was the annual company picnic the ex holds for all his employees. Because I'm still friends with several of them on FB my newsfeed was flooded with pictures of the clambake - drinking, laughing, party games. And of course his gf on his arm. They both looked so happy. 

It used to be our company. A little over a year ago, that was me on his arm. How quickly, and coldly, life changes. 

Today was tough. Tomorrow will be better.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Second that feeling. Today was the annual company picnic the ex holds for all his employees. Because I'm still friends with several of them on FB my newsfeed was flooded with pictures of the clambake - drinking, laughing, party games. And of course his gf on his arm. They both looked so happy.
> 
> It used to be our company. A little over a year ago, that was me on his arm. How quickly, and coldly, life changes.
> 
> Today was tough. Tomorrow will be better.


Ouch, that sounds very rough on your well being! I am so sorry you had to see that, it does suck! 
Oh. I recently saw a pic of ex husband with a woman, I felt so much fear. Serious fear. But after a while that fear subsided, ex really is a bad person.....

I am so sorry


----------



## movealong

You should pray for them. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> And of course his gf on his arm. They both looked so happy.
> 
> It used to be our company. A little over a year ago, that was me on his arm. How quickly, and coldly, life changes.
> 
> Today was tough. Tomorrow will be better.


Sorry to hear that was a trigger. Just remember: they had to smile so big... because otherwise it would look like the party sucked.

Lol.

And also, remember:


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> You should pray for them. :rofl:


haha i like that song... but it is oh so mean!!:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Second that feeling. Today was the annual company picnic the ex holds for all his employees. Because I'm still friends with several of them on FB my newsfeed was flooded with pictures of the clambake - drinking, laughing, party games. And of course his gf on his arm. They both looked so happy.
> 
> It used to be our company. A little over a year ago, that was me on his arm. How quickly, and coldly, life changes.
> 
> Today was tough. Tomorrow will be better.


Tomorrow WILL be better. You know, if it's hard for you, and you don't want to risk seeing references/photos of him in other posts, you can unfollow those people without unfriending them on FB. You can always re-follow them later.

*hugs*


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> You should pray for them. :rofl:


Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

How about this one?

Train -- 50 Ways To Say Goodbye


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sigh. Yesterday I went for a colonoscopy because I'm 50. I'm also enrolled in a study where I'm randomized to colonoscopy vs. a blood test to check for colon cancer. 

I had to do the 'prep' Wednesday evening, which followed a day of fasting, clear fluids only. I stupidly did not take much stuff with calories, just a couple glasses of Pedialyte, otherwise it was water or coffee/decaf coffee. So Thursday morning I could barely stand up for very long. I ended up sending my kids to school early for breakfast and asked them to get lunch at school too, because I was too weak to get organized and make breakfast and pack lunches for them. I drove 1 1/4 hours (highway) to get to the appointment. Then found out even without sedation, I need to hae an IV, in case anything goes wrong and immediate surgery is needed (small risk, but very dangerous if it happens.) I got the IV, was not very happy about it, but they also did a blood draw I needed to have done (5 tubes or so...I did not look but it was a lot.)

So, I did fine during the scope except for when the very nice and well trained doctor got to my hepatic bulge. She was using a pediatric scope. Even so, my blood pressure plummeted and I thought, if I pass out, then there will be a big to-do, everyone will have to do paperwork and I won't be able to go home as soon as I need to. So they stopped, they couldn't continue because my blood pressure was way too low. Bummer (haha.) I half wanted to tell the doctor, ignore me, just do it. They said I did much better than some people do with sedation.

Before they started, there was a discussion of sedation if necessary, but I told them, no because I don't have anyone to come get me, and nobody to take care of my kids after school. 

They said well, you can reschedule and bring someone with you to drive you home, and take the sedation. Now, if that were an option for me, I would have done that to begin with!

So the plan now is I go back in April, on my kids' school vacation, with or without the kids. I get general anesthesia, and then get a ride to the nice hotel across the street from the hospital, where I have to stay until I'm okay to drive. (Overnight.) 

I'm discouraged not by not being able to manage the procedure without sedation, but by having to tell 5 medical staff members I really don't have anyone who can drive me to and from the hospital, or take care of my kids. 

Before this, I didn't give it any second thought. They have their dad in a real emergency (this happened a couple years ago, and also if I got stuck somewhere unavoidably, I could call their school and tell them to go home after school and make sandwiches for dinner and I'll be home late...) If something happened to me, of course they would go with their dad, and they have an attorney and their older brother to help them out with where they should live, with whom, etc. 

It doesn't bother me I failed at getting the test unsedated, I wanted to avoid the hassle of making arrangements, and 50% of Europeans get this test unsedated. 

I just felt like something was wrong with me, and the medical staff wondered, what is wrong with me, I don't have anyone at home or any friends I can ask to drive me or watch my kids?

I tried sending my kids to a neighbor once, it turned out the neighbor yelled and punished her kids, also had a big argument with her husband, her kids got hit, it was unpleasant. I told the doctor about it and that I told my kids I wouldn't do that to them again.

The doctor said her mom had 5 kids, so she knew how it was. But I still felt like someone less because of the situation.

I had a boyfriend who would have done anything for me, but as it turned out I ended up doing as much as I could for him (brain hemorrhage, now he can barely do for himself...) 

Other people I know are very busy, have kids of their own, live too far away, or would do it but really aren't capable of it and I don't trust them to be available when they said they would be, or to be able to actually follow through. 

I had to fill out my kids forms for school. The school insists on having emergency contacts. I had to put my attorneys after their older brother. 

I have one close friend, she is older and has rheumatoid arthritis and mental health issues, it causes her pain to drive very far. She lives almost two hours away from me now.

I don't think there is any real solution I'm looking for. 
It's just discouraging, why can't I be 50 and just enjoy not having any close friends, and why does medical establishment expect you to use others on a work day to help with driving and such? Are colonoscopies and other procedures only available for people who have access to social connections. Such a stupid little thing becomes such a big issue. 

Also discouraging is that my daughter's bike tube was slashed at school last Friday. It was a clean cut, someone with a sharp knife or blade cut the tube. The tire was untouched. So the person let air out of the tire, accessed the tube, slashed it, and put the tire back. WTF. Well the police have had a week, and the school, still I get reasons why they have not looked at the surveillance tape. So I asked my attorney to follow up with the police department. I've called three times, each time they say they will look into it, blah blah blah. So the next thing, after my attorney talks to the lady at the PD, the lady is calling me on the PD phone, to my cell number and yelling at me and pissed at me because my attorney called her and apparently made it clear that my daughter's case would be investigated. There are other issues, I was harassed by a neighbor during the summer, and called the PD on him as he was verbally abusive to me in front of my kids, and yelling loudly swearing at me. It was 11 at night. So we think maybe this person either slashed my daughter's tire or had someone else (maybe one of his kids) do it for him, because he cannot harass me directly. Even though the police know this, and I expressed concern about it, they still just keep telling me they haven't got the tapes from the school because of this that and the other thing. The school knows about the property crime and nobody has called me or met with me or my daughter about how this will be investigated and what their plans are to keep her safe in future. She fell because of the tire being slashed, a teacher saw it happen.

The local bike guy was disturbed by the slash. We were hoping it was just a blow out.


----------



## ne9907

Ugh, our society seems to punish us for being independent. 

I cringe every time I have to put down an emergency contact.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Thanks, glad it's not just me.

Also discouraging, just had a convo with my neighbor who stopped by. She complains that there is no handrail and we have ice buildup on our steps in the winter as no precip or meltoff diversion over our steps, she has complained about other things in the past. So, I explained to her use of attorney to deal with things, so that people do what they are supposed to do (our building is now compliant with electrical and fire code...) She's like, I'm sorry to hear you are being such a victim. I'm like, no I'm not a victim, I am evening out the power dynamic so that being a victim is not possible. That's the whole point of using an attorney. She says she doesn't like attorneys. I told her, if you want to have an agency pay your rent, you are immediately disempowered, that's the way it is. You are not going to get anything from the landlord because he knows you can't withhold rent and the agency that pays your rent doesn't give a sh*t. She thinks she will be evicted because the place is up for sale, and that new owners will evict her. I asked her where she got that info. She has not talked to anyone in the know about eviction or eviction process. She said she keeps looking around for a place to live and can't find anything. The place hasn't even sold, there has been no eviction notice, there probably will never be an eviction notice, unless she does something in violation of the lease. 

arrrrrrrrrrrrgh. So, this is the person who would agree to drive me but would not be able to follow through, or I would have some severe doubts about her being able to follow through...to be honest she has some kind of mental illness, and often I wonder about it, whether it's just a nice way for her to get her stuff paid for, but after convo's like this, where she is deliberately passive aggressive and wants to be victimized and has an excuse not to get valid information that would challenge her deep set beliefs, I think her claim to needing assistance is legitimate. I told her though, you need to get your ducks in line and find out your rights, because the first time you appear to be not coping, you will get trucked off to senior housing. Personally I think she's heading that way, she locked herself out of her car twice in one day a couple weeks ago. 


Meanwhile, even though she has an agency paying her rent, she is wanting advice whether to go to Maui or Iceland for 2 weeks this winter...but she cannot afford an attorney to get steps so that she won't fall and break her hip or worse on the steps. 

I will take care of getting the steps made safe, as even knowing about ice on them and even trying to be careful last winter and putting sand and salt on them, I still slipped and almost fell. There is no other way to get out of the building...

I feel like I'm living in the midst of some bizarre dream....like Alice Down the Looking Glass. Only worse, because the only escape is sleep. I've lived other places, and it's all the same with neighbors and tenants. Even in upscale places, neighbors will deny that a tree is a danger to kids playing in the yard, etc. I tell my kids don't play under that tree in that area of the yard, in a strong wind that huge branch is coming down. So....few months later, neighbor has a huge hole in his roof LOL. Tree company comes, tarps over roof, insurance adjusters, his kids don't have bedrooms. I tell my kids, go play in the yard under what's left of the tree....enjoy! 

In two other upscale places, guns were involved at neighbor's place. 

My own tenants have been hit or miss as well.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Ugh, our society seems to punish us for being independent.
> 
> I cringe every time I have to put down an emergency contact.


When I was updating my stuff, I had to call my sister and ask her to be my ICE. Before I was married, it had always been my mother, but my mother has been so unreliable in the past when I've asked for her help with things in the past.

I hate to ask my sister, since she lives 3 hrs away and has 2 kids of her own. But she's very reliable and would do anything for me if I needed it, she has a very strong support system of her own with my brother-in-law's family, and I trust her implicitly. Hopefully, no one will never need to contact her as my ICE.

Even so, I couldn't rely on her to help with the stuff that Homemaker is talking about.


----------



## movealong

I don't cringe having to put down an emergency contact, but I did cringe when I "had" to list her on the paperwork for school. She lives in another state FFS! It's not like she can be there to pick her up in 30 minutes. And the look of the registrar when I say I have custody? It should have been a Visa commercial: Priceless!


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker, it sounds like your neighbor has a little bit a victim complex going on herself :/


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> I don't cringe having to put down an emergency contact, but I did cringe when I "had" to list her on the paperwork for school. She lives in another state FFS! It's not like she can be there to pick her up in 30 minutes. And the look of the registrar when I say I have custody? It should have been a Visa commercial: Priceless!


The attitude of our societal institutions when it comes to single, f/t dads is complete BS.


----------



## Fenix

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Before they started, there was a discussion of sedation if necessary, but I told them, no because I don't have anyone to come get me, and nobody to take care of my kids after school.
> 
> They said well, you can reschedule and bring someone with you to drive you home, and take the sedation. Now, if that were an option for me, I would have done that to begin with!
> 
> So the plan now is I go back in April, on my kids' school vacation, with or without the kids. I get general anesthesia, and then get a ride to the nice hotel across the street from the hospital, where I have to stay until I'm okay to drive. (Overnight.)
> 
> I'm discouraged not by not being able to manage the procedure without sedation, but by having to tell 5 medical staff members I really don't have anyone who can drive me to and from the hospital, or take care of my kids.
> 
> Before this, I didn't give it any second thought. They have their dad in a real emergency (this happened a couple years ago, and also if I got stuck somewhere unavoidably, I could call their school and tell them to go home after school and make sandwiches for dinner and I'll be home late...) If something happened to me, of course they would go with their dad, and they have an attorney and their older brother to help them out with where they should live, with whom, etc.
> 
> It doesn't bother me I failed at getting the test unsedated, I wanted to avoid the hassle of making arrangements, and 50% of Europeans get this test unsedated.
> 
> I just felt like something was wrong with me, and the medical staff wondered, what is wrong with me, I don't have anyone at home or any friends I can ask to drive me or watch my kids?
> 
> I tried sending my kids to a neighbor once, it turned out the neighbor yelled and punished her kids, also had a big argument with her husband, her kids got hit, it was unpleasant. I told the doctor about it and that I told my kids I wouldn't do that to them again.
> 
> The doctor said her mom had 5 kids, so she knew how it was. But I still felt like someone less because of the situation.


I had to deal with this in May. They wouldn't schedule let alone do a colonoscopy unless they saw my driver. A taxi would not do. I am new to the area and don't have many friends. Fortunately, I do know another divorced mom who is job hunting and she was my driver. It might be worth reaching out to other divorcees in your area? Also, there is a service here that fills this need. It is a bit spendy but they act as the responsible driver and wait in the office for the procedure to finish. 

This is the kind of thing that makes you feel vulnerable and alone.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> . . . ex really is a bad person.....
> 
> I am so sorry


Sorry for saying it? He is. Dont be sorry for that. Sorry that he is that way? Not your fault. 



FeministInPink said:


> Tomorrow WILL be better. You know, if it's hard for you, and you don't want to risk seeing references/photos of him in other posts, you can unfollow those people without unfriending them on FB. You can always re-follow them later.
> 
> *hugs*


Yep...unfollowing people who trigger me was a good thing. My ex is not on Facebook, but her affair partner is and I cussed his a$$ out a few weeks ago...immediately unfriended a whole bunch of mutual friends. Don't need the stress or allowing him power over me. I also canceled a speaking engagement because he ad she would be around and I was not getting paid for it anyhow, so fvck it. I'm happy. why mess with that?



FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
> 
> How about this one?
> 
> Train -- 50 Ways To Say Goodbye


Or to get p!ssed (American, not British version of that word!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5jEXmZsuVI


----------



## Arendt

Guatemalan is coming over around 5 for the evening...she's staying til about 5 tomorrow. Can't wait! Planning to stay in and watch a movie for a change, probably go for a walk along the lakefront, and maybe get some vegan ice cream (don't hate...its good!). Tomorrow she gets to meet some of my friends for the first time. That should be fun.

I just did this scratch board piece...my first...she likes lions and I am thinking of giving it to her because she likes it.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Dude that scratchboard Lion is awesome! You have some talent..


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt, I love the artwork. I have no artistic ability, and am in awe of people who do. It's beautiful.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Fenix said:


> I had to deal with this in May. They wouldn't schedule let alone do a colonoscopy unless they saw my driver. A taxi would not do. I am new to the area and don't have many friends. Fortunately, I do know another divorced mom who is job hunting and she was my driver. It might be worth reaching out to other divorcees in your area? Also, there is a service here that fills this need. It is a bit spendy but they act as the responsible driver and wait in the office for the procedure to finish.
> 
> This is the kind of thing that makes you feel vulnerable and alone.


I was more concerned with them feeling sorry for me. I was happy that they understood from the get go that if we needed to stop, that sedatives were not an option, because my kids would be left high and dry. They were very respectful of that. And the doctor who was doing the procedure also chipped in to say that her mom was a single mom who had 5 kids and sometimes that's just how it is, you are busy taking care of your kids and working and social life takes a hit. I liked that she stood up for me that way, I think the other staff were a bit more skeptical. The doctor was a woman and also black. Not that it should matter but we shared some demographics against the other doctor and assistant and nurse. She was the only one who validated my situation. The others acted as though I could surely come up with someone...lol. I really like that doctor for doing that for me. 

The nurse told me I could definitely ask for general anesthesia. She was a good nurse, as she was the one who noticed my blood pressure dropped and started monitoring it and said yes, we'd better stop, because it's not coming back up. (The falling into a pit feeling...where you just know you're going to keep falling and black out. I had a total cold sweat going on, so at that point my physical response was not a mind over matter but some response to pain that was totally out of my control. Ooops.) Now blacking out in childbirth, the doctor cannot be blamed for that entirely but passing out during a medical procedure that can be stopped and is for testing/screening purposes, not cool. There would be paperwork, and if I went into shock, everyone could be disciplined. I work in risk management/patient safety...so I know how it goes.)

So my logistics will be to stay in the hotel for two nights. I can schedule some work meetings or work on the day before (I do contract work for two outfits on the hospital premises...actually saw my coworker out the window, twice, while in the clinic, lol.) Then I can do the prep at the hotel. No worry about driving up the day of the procedure, hungry and faint. And can get more sleep as well. Then I will walk across the street to the hospital and have procedure done, and after recovering the hospital has a driver's service and they can bring me to the hotel and walk me to my room (they do this for those with disabilities, so can also do it for the temporarily disabled, very different from taxi which is forbidden, as it should be.) Then I can just hang out for another day before driving home. If something goes wrong and I need clinic to have a look, I'll be close to the hospital. 

My kids will have the option of going with me to hotel and hospital (they can stay in the visitor's room of the day surgery unit) or they can stay with their dad. I'd like it more if they were with me, but it's up to them as it's their vacation and I'm an adult so will deal with it. They're used to hospitals, they were welcome and encouraged in neuro icu and nursing home when my then-boyfriend was in there for his brain hemorrhage. They understand what hospitals are all about and have good bedside manners and safety knowledge.

I used to do Medicaid driving. I got all the people nobody else wanted to drive, and who had no friends (at least no friends with cars or the time to take them to needed appointments.) Most people were really grateful, and would apologize that it would take them a couple hours for their appointment (i.e. 2 kids nearly blind with genetic eye problems...) ummmmmm, no problem. 

Truth is, I can afford the hotel, so whatever. If my kids decide not to come with me, I can just stay the one night before, and then stay in the hospital overnight after the procedure, and get released to drive home the next day. 

But, scr*w sedation, I'm going in total brain vaca mode.


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Sorry for saying it? He is. Dont be sorry for that. Sorry that he is that way? Not your fault.
> 
> 
> *
> Yep...unfollowing people who trigger me was a good thing. My ex is not on Facebook, but her affair partner is and I cussed his a$$ out a few weeks ago...immediately unfriended a whole bunch of mutual friends. Don't need the stress or allowing him power over me. I also canceled a speaking engagement because he ad she would be around and I was not getting paid for it anyhow, so fvck it. I'm happy. why mess with that?*
> 
> 
> 
> Or to get p!ssed (American, not British version of that word!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5jEXmZsuVI


Yep get rid of them. You will find new friends, better people who didn't betray you. You don't need anyone that partook in hurting you. Seriously if it triggers you fckn dump them...delete delete delete...toxic people suck.


----------



## RandomDude

Damn now that's a great piece of work there Arendt, if your lady friend ain't impressed there's gotta be something wrong with her!


----------



## ne9907

I can't reply to messages. Camping on the beach and connection sucks
Will reply on Monday!


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## vi_bride04

Lake Superior, wine and beautiful weather. I love being single


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Lake Superior, wine and beautiful weather. I love being single


Jealous 0_0


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Jealous 0_0


Why? Cuz I'm single?? Lol


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Why? Cuz I'm single?? Lol


No and yes. I love my life but it is tough sometimes...but it's absolutely amazing at the same time.
I miss the Lake though. This weekend would have been a great time to hit the beach with the kids, so frckn hot today.


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## vi_bride04

Only mid 60s up here for highs. Great for hiking the north county trail along the cliffs


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## whitehawk

Sounds beautiful vi. How do you go hiking what in some group or with friends or just on your own.
l could really get into that stuff , no one to go with though, bummer . No meetups oranything in it either anywhere near me.
Actually we have got some pretty cool mountain areas about an hour over , There is a meet up group that hike through that but they had a picture of them on the ad and no one looked liked my kinda people so . l am still thinking about that one though.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Sounds beautiful vi. How do you go hiking what in some group or with friends or just on your own.
> l could really get into that stuff , no one to go with though, bummer . No meetups oranything in it either anywhere near me.
> Actually we have got some pretty cool mountain areas about an hour over , There is a meet up group that hike through that but they had a picture of them on the ad and no one looked liked my kinda people so . l am still thinking about that one though.


Not Vi but I just go hiking when the mood strikes. I let someone (usually older son by text) know where I'm going and when I should be back, and I leave a note at home and in my car. No problem.


----------



## whitehawk

Sounds nice.
We've got one near me ,it basically starts from my town , called the great ocean walk.
Goes for about 100miles along cliff tops and around all these towns as it goes .
Gonna go on that one day.


----------



## whitehawk

Check this out.
Ex pushed like hell for the divorced to be signed.
5 or 6 wks done now yet she's still using my name on her facebook page.
Not that l'm even into facebook ,l only reopen my account now and then to go check a few people out . And now and then if l feel l can stomach it l might look at exs.

And here it is , she's been using it daily and she's still using my name.
l should send her a bill , backdated 6wks :rofl:
l was expecting a very public facebook party celebrating her great divorce. Spose there's still time.


----------



## moxy

WH, maybe she just hasn't gotten around to changing her name yet? Maybe she feels that her once-married identity is still part of who she is? Have you told her that you'd like her to stop using your surname? She may not even know this is an issue for you. I wonder if telling her might make you feel better -- and possibly resolve the conflict, too.


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh , it's no problem mox l didn't mean it like that ,just kidding round.
lt's bloody funny really , don't you think. She's on it every day so she sure could change it if she wanted to.
But how ironic , here she is blowing up her family and couldn't wait to get her divorce yet now she can't bring herself to drop my surname , kinda cool really :rofl:

No way , l'm keeping my mouth shut , see how long she keeps it for :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

My exwife faught to keep my last name...it put a couple months on the process...in the end her valid point was she wants the same last name as her children. 
Even her lawyer was questioning why she wanted it cause she made such a big deal about how terrible I was so why would she want to keep it...why because she was lying about everything that's why lol


----------



## FeministInPink

Not every woman feels compelled to change her name back after the divorce. I did want to change my name, and did so right away, and the entire process is a nightmare. I'm not men bashing here, but you guys really have NO IDEA how complicated and difficult the process is. 

Not to mention that you have to tell EVERYONE, including all kinds of people who don't need to know your business. I wanted nothing more that to go through my divorce quietly, without making a big announcement about it. But because I changed my name back, I had to constantly correct people (colleagues, acquaintances, etc.) when they used the wrong name, and if they don't know you well they congratulate you because they think you've gotten married, so you have to correct them on that, too, which then makes everything awkward.

It's just another way that divorce can be emotionally traumatic.

So if she hasn't dropped your surname, leave it alone, and don't be a jerk about it.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Only mid 60s up here for highs. Great for hiking the north county trail along the cliffs


Man I'd kill for cool weather like that. I'm tired of this desert heat.


----------



## bandit.45

I gotta tell you guys what happened early this morning. Syrian stayed with me last night and I got up at about 6:00 am and made her breakfast. We ate out on my back patio. 

I live in a duplex condo in north Scottsdale right on the edge of the open desert. All the condos on each side of me have an 8 foot privacy wall running in a straight line behind them that makes up the back wall of each yard. Well Syrian and I are just kicking back sipping coffee and munching bacon when off to my right I see some kind of animal on top of the back wall, behind my next door neighbor's condo running along the top of the wall towards my yard. As it got to crossing my portion of the wall I saw it was a bobcat! A big fuzzy bobcat. 

He just jogged on by us, gave us a glance, and kept going. No fear, no hurry. He was on bobcat business and could have cared less that we were there. Woke me up, I'll tell you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You mean your last name?
> Legally, she doesn't need to give it back. She can keep it for life. You don't own the rights to your name, sorry. I didn't change my name either. Just kept it tagged onto the end of the name I had before. It's part of my identity now. A marker of where I once was. Not everyone thinks they can erase history, not everyone thinks it's necessary to even try.
> Harassing her in any way to stop using your name will not end well for you.


After I divorced my second husband, I kept his last name. Then after my horrible, short third marriage, where I had changed my name again, I changed it BACK to XH2's name again!  THAT was the name that I identified myself with, and its a good name, too. I remember he was peeved that I was keeping it when we divorced, I can only imagine what he would think if he knew I actually changed BACK to it again, lol!


----------



## Dollystanford

I am still going through the name change process and it's a pain in the ass. I need to change my passport but I want to book a flight so I'll need to keep my married name on that until I've come back from that trip

although the house is mine I need to change the name on the deeds - lawyers, money, etc.

Huge pain - never change your name in the first place lol


----------



## Satya

I didn't change my name back. It wasn't the name I was upset with, plus I liked it better than my maiden name. It didn't have the emotional burden that may be there for some of you ladies. I can empathize about name changes, though. Changing mine the first time - for two countries - was a PITA.


----------



## Another Planet

Wow, I didn't know it was such a big deal?! I actually didn't care what she did it was our lawyers and her that kept bumping heads on the subject..."are you sure you don't care?", "yeah I don't fckn care now can I sign on the line yet?"...I just wanted it over with so I could start what I knew was going to be a long drawn out healing process.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> Not every woman feels compelled to change her name back after the divorce. I did want to change my name, and did so right away, and the entire process is a nightmare. I'm not men bashing here, but you guys really have NO IDEA how complicated and difficult the process is.
> 
> Not to mention that you have to tell EVERYONE, including all kinds of people who don't need to know your business. I wanted nothing more that to go through my divorce quietly, without making a big announcement about it. But because I changed my name back, I had to constantly correct people (colleagues, acquaintances, etc.) when they used the wrong name, and if they don't know you well they congratulate you because they think you've gotten married, so you have to correct them on that, too, which then makes everything awkward.
> 
> It's just another way that divorce can be emotionally traumatic.
> 
> So if she hasn't dropped your surname, leave it alone, and don't be a jerk about it.


Great reason to never change it! 25 years ago, I kept my name and now, I am so happy I did!!
:smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Not every woman feels compelled to change her name back after the divorce. I did want to change my name, and did so right away, and the entire process is a nightmare. I'm not men bashing here, but you guys really have NO IDEA how complicated and difficult the process is.
> 
> Not to mention that you have to tell EVERYONE, including all kinds of people who don't need to know your business. I wanted nothing more that to go through my divorce quietly, without making a big announcement about it. But because I changed my name back, I had to constantly correct people (colleagues, acquaintances, etc.) when they used the wrong name, and if they don't know you well they congratulate you because they think you've gotten married, so you have to correct them on that, too, which then makes everything awkward.
> 
> It's just another way that divorce can be emotionally traumatic.
> 
> So if she hasn't dropped your surname, leave it alone, and don't be a jerk about it.


Yeah l could just imagine how complicated it would all be. Bad enough just moving these days and all the address changing for all your crap.

Hey, if l ever see her with om l can say oh, hello mrs R ,how's it goin , he'll love that :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You mean your last name?
> Legally, she doesn't need to give it back. She can keep it for life. You don't own the rights to your name, sorry. I didn't change my name either. Just kept it tagged onto the end of the name I had before. It's part of my identity now. A marker of where I once was. Not everyone thinks they can erase history, not everyone thinks it's necessary to even try.
> Harassing her in any way to stop using your name will not end well for you.



First l get don't be a jerk from fem and now this .
Um , l actually said , l was kidding around .
It was kinda cool really ?
And , l'm keeping my mouth shut ?

Ok l tried a rephrase , how does the above even remotely equate to hassling her ?
And no, bs sorry, in that it wouldn't end well for me , lf l didn't want it l'd get it removed , And coincidentally actually spoke to my sister today who had to go back to her own name after her divorce. Men have equal rights here in every way now when it comes to divorce thank God. The days of women being able to walk all over ex's are gone. Matter of fact , l've come across women in this not very nice journey ,saying this and taking that for granted as they go for their divorce and, have they gotten a rude awakening at the lawyers .


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> Not every woman feels compelled to change her name back after the divorce. I did want to change my name, and did so right away, and the entire process is a nightmare. I'm not men bashing here, but you guys really have NO IDEA how complicated and difficult the process is.


My ex and I hiyphenated our last name, I kept mine the way it was when we married because I have published books and such and changing it back now would make things difficult for me. So my last name will always be marked by hers in some way. I am fine with it. I like the name.

She changed hers back. She always had a hyphenation, her mother plus father's last name. She changed her last name back to replace mine with her fathers, which is fitting since her dad cheated on her mother!



whitehawk said:


> Jesus wtf is wrong with you people , can't you flg read. Must every joke or comment you make in one of these p[laces end in self defense just bc people twist every word you fkg say,
> 
> First l get don't be a jerk from fem and now this crap .
> What part of fkg kidding around don't you understand.
> What aprt of kinda cool really ?
> What part of no way l'm keeping my mouth shut ?
> Fkg amazing.
> 
> And bs it wouldn't end well for me , lf l din't want it l'd get it the fk removed , End of story.


Chill out man.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> After I divorced my second husband, I kept his last name. Then after my horrible, short third marriage, where I had changed my name again, I changed it BACK to XH2's name again!  THAT was the name that I identified myself with, and its a good name, too. I remember he was peeved that I was keeping it when we divorced, I can only imagine what he would think if he knew I actually changed BACK to it again, lol!


You been married 3 times , jesus , you ain't going for forth are ya ?
Wonder if they can legally keep it here, dunno , don't care.
As a matter of fact , funny thing , ex loves my surname and it's got a shorter nick name version everyone usually calls us , which she also really loved , always said it was really cool.
She hated her original surname , maybe she might keep mine , no idea.
l did tell her no way my daughters changing her surname or l'll never sign. She was cool with that anyway but as it turned out but at first l didn't know what she was thinking she had planned for my d on that one.

l wouldn't be surprised if she did keep my name anyway tbh , if she can legally here.
Doubt she'd wanna go back to her old name for any money tbh .
I'd be kinda secretly flattered if she does keep it actually , secretly :rofl:

We're on good terms though and even if l was fussed she'd change it back no problem if that was important to me.

Makes me think though , she reckons she's never getting married again. l know nevers a long time though so l just take that with a grain of salt anyway but . Hmm , wonder if she didn't get married again , if she'd just keep mine forever .

It is kinda ironic though in how she wanted the divorce so bad. l just would've assumed that would also include sending my surname and anything else ever associated to me seems as she wanted to divorce me , down the toilet without a paddle :rofl: , you would think.

But hey , maybe l'm not so bad after all :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

If I were to ever get married again I would encourage the woman to keep her own last name. This whole, the woman needs to change her name to the man's stuff is patriarchal nonsense anyhow, in my view. There is something to be said for combining the two names into a hyphenation as I did in my marriage, but going forward I am keeping mine as it is because of career, and want a woman who can have her own identity and not need to be subsumed under mine.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> My ex and I hiyphenated our last name, I kept mine the way it was when we married because I have published books and such and changing it back now would make things difficult for me. So my last name will always be marked by hers in some way. I am fine with it. I like the name.
> 
> She changed hers back. She always had a hyphenation, her mother plus father's last name. She changed her last name back to replace mine with her fathers, which is fitting since her dad cheated on her mother!
> 
> 
> 
> Chill out man.


Sorry Ard, l just get so sick of of saying one thing and it ,well , won't go there but hey , l rephrased .


----------



## Arendt

Guatemalan left a few hours ago. We had a great time. She took the lion, her first piece of original art . So we basically spent the last 24 hours together or so, which is typical on a weekend. I'm exhausted when she leaves. I am an introvert, which does not mean I am shy, I am not, but that it takes a lot of energy to be "on" and talking...I need breaks. So I am usually tired when she leaves. Plus we have usually had sex like 2-3 times so that probably tires me out a bit in addition Ok, TMI, I know. :smthumbup:

I slept for two hours when she left. Recharging with alone time tomorrow will be good.

She invited me to go with her to a friend's wedding next Sunday. I agreed to go. But threatened to tell people that I was her "escort" if asked who I am .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> You been married 3 times , jesus , you ain't going for forth are ya ?


Wow, thanks.  Hence the user name....


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, thanks.  Hence the user name....


Wonder what's bugging WH today?


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> If I were to ever get married again I would encourage the woman to keep her own last name. This whole, the woman needs to change her name to the man's stuff is patriarchal nonsense anyhow, in my view. There is something to be said for combining the two names into a hyphenation as I did in my marriage, but going forward I am keeping mine as it is because of career, and want a woman who can have her own identity and not need to be subsumed under mine.


If I get married again, I'm planning on keeping my name. No more name changing for me.

My XH made a big stink about he wanted us to have the same, because he was now part of his family, and his family was really important, and blah blah blah. Of course, halfway through our marriage he had a huge falling out with everyone except his mom and dad, so... so much for the importance of family, and so much for the importance of me.

The name doesn't mean sh!t is what I've learned, and I'm not going through all that crap again for something that doesn't really mean anything.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Wow, thanks.  Hence the user name....



Sorry 3x , didn't quite mean that the way it sounded it was more just a you thing , as in l thought it was once. 
Anything can happen l spose but l don't plan on getting married again . l met an older couple in their 70s a few mths back . They still had both their separate houses and spent about 3-5 days a wk with each other and had been doing that for 20yrs . l thought it was pretty cool really and hey if it can work for them , l wouldn't mind trying it 
PS , always wondered what the 3x meant.


----------



## whitehawk

You know , l've been thinking about all this name stuff and l'm hoping ex does keep it.
That way there'd never be any confusing 9r embarrassing situations for my daughter concerning her family, names and stuff.
Ex was sitting on my couch only just last night , laughing and chatting away , a penny for the real thoughts in that head of hers sometimes.

2 of my daughters best friends are twins and yet they both use different surnames, poor little buggers. Not sure why or how but l know the mum has not lead a pretty life and l think one of them is using one of her ex's surnames , pretty sad.


----------



## poppyseed

Arendt said:


> Guatemalan left a few hours ago. We had a great time. She took the lion, her first piece of original art . So we basically spent the last 24 hours together or so, which is typical on a weekend. I'm exhausted when she leaves. I am an introvert, which does not mean I am shy, I am not, but that it takes a lot of energy to be "on" and talking...I need breaks. So I am usually tired when she leaves.


Hi Thank you for bringing this up. I'm not introvert myself but this happens to me as well. I can say the same thing, it does seem to take a lot of emotional energy to be "on" and chatting as much as I enjoy the company of someone whom I get along wonderfully. In the following day, I feel I'd need some break. 

I was thinking what is wrong with me and I saw your comment. It was nice to read what you had to say, Arendt.


----------



## Arendt

poppyseed said:


> Hi Thank you for bringing this up. I'm not introvert myself but this happens to me as well. I can say the same thing, it does seem to take a lot of emotional energy to be "on" and chatting as much as I enjoy the company of someone whom I get along wonderfully. In the following day, I feel I'd need some break.
> 
> I was thinking what is wrong with me and I saw your comment. It was nice to read what you had to say, Arendt.


Thanks. Well, I think where we derive energy from is what makes a person an introvert; it has nothing to do really with being shy or socially awkward or anything. Being on socially takes energy for me and I need some breaks periodically to recharge, like I have been playing an intense sport and need to sit on the bench for a while and be by myself and watch. 

But others, they can feed off the energy of the social interactions and can go for days and weeks without breaks...those are the extroverts. They might not even talk much, they just get really energized by being around other people.

At first I thought I was tired when she left because of all the physical activity...but I am a very fit guy and I eat well, so the physical stuff itself is not the issue, it contributes I am sure, but it is the "on" thing.


----------



## RandomDude

Amazing who you meet out of the blue... jebus... fking butterflies. Now I regret not getting her number when I had the chance. Bah! Oh well, I probably saved myself another disappointment anyway, so fk it! Bah!


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> poppyseed said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hi Thank you for bringing this up. I'm not introvert myself but this happens to me as well. I can say the same thing, it does seem to take a lot of emotional energy to be "on" and chatting as much as I enjoy the company of someone whom I get along wonderfully. In the following day, I feel I'd need some break.
> 
> I was thinking what is wrong with me and I saw your comment. It was nice to read what you had to say, Arendt.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks. Well, I think where we derive energy from is what makes a person an introvert; it has nothing to do really with being shy or socially awkward or anything. Being on socially takes energy for me and I need some breaks periodically to recharge, like I have been playing an intense sport and need to sit on the bench for a while and be by myself and watch.
> 
> But others, they can feed off the energy of the social interactions and can go for days and weeks without breaks...those are the extroverts. They might not even talk much, they just get really energized by being around other people.
> 
> At first I thought I was tired when she left because of all the physical activity...but I am a very fit guy and I eat well, so the physical stuff itself is not the issue, it contributes I am sure, but it is the "on" thing.
Click to expand...

I am for the most part an introvert and my gf is also for the most part like I but we are incredibly social and like attention just in bursts or situations where we can separate ourselves. The crazy thing is we could spend every second together...we don't obviously though, we take breaks to do our separate lives thing. I have never met someone that didn't annoy me sooner or later and I NEEDED a break from. It is very interesting to me...I must actually like her


----------



## Jellybeans

I never changed my name when I got married. Prob a good thing since I got divorced.


----------



## movealong

Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be. 

I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.

Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


You are in a tough predicament. 
From experience the first time Ihad sex after my divorce, it also felt unsatisfying and empty. It takes a while to build a connection. Do not give up to early. You two might just need to tweak a few things, continue to grow closer and I bet the sex will get better.
I would hold off from saying something to her, unless she asks you. Give it more time.


----------



## ne9907

Question for you

Whenever you are having phone sex or sexting, do you
Tell the other person you "luv (not love but luv...) x part of their anatomy?
Tell them how incredible sexy you find them?
Say how they make you all hot and bothered? 
call them baby?


EDIT
I almost forgot to tell you all about my fun filled weekend. It was great.
I saw a psychic!!
Do you all believe in psychics? She was good. She got almost everything right! ALMOST!
Expect she said I had two children (I have none), so then she said that I SHOULD have had two children. SHe asked if I had ever been pregnant. She seemed confused so, she ended up saying that I WILL have two children. A boy and a girl. Maybe the man I fall in love with, will have two children thus making me an instant mom!

Oh, she also said, I have not met the man I will call my love. I will have a long life. She also said, I need to let go of all the anger and not look back.

Pretty typical, but was fun


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> You are in a tough predicament.
> From experience the first time Ihad sex after my divorce, it also felt unsatisfying and empty. It takes a while to build a connection. Do not give up to early. You two might just need to tweak a few things, continue to grow closer and I bet the sex will get better.
> I would hold off from saying something to her, unless she asks you. Give it more time.


This. First time sex is rarely great, especially first time post divorce. Don't jump the gun.

The first sex I had after splitting with my wife was meh.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her* so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.*


I feel like maybe you should hold off. I think all of us got a little weirded out after our first post-divorce sex. Since this is someone you have known for this long, I dont think you should be too hasty in calling it off. Take a deep breath and evaluate.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


Why do you think you did not feel a connection? The answer probably lies there. Do you think the sex (lack of connection) sealed the fact you do not want a relationship with her? Or was it something previous that you noticed? 

The good thing is you are moving on, movealong (hehe play on words). Even if it's not with her, your healing process is go-go-going.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


Is there a good chance you expect the same sexual connection you had from your marriage? You have to remember you are two new people learning each others likes and preferences, sometimes it takes a few rounds before you will get the hang of it. You also need to appreciate a person for their individuality, everyone is different.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet;10300162[B said:


> ]Is there a good chance you expect the same sexual connection you had from your marriage? [/B]You have to remember you are two new people learning each others likes and preferences, sometimes it takes a few rounds before you will get the hang of it. You also need to appreciate a person for their individuality, everyone is different.


Good observation.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


Like the others, I would say slow it down. It takes some time to get your head on straight. You haven't been out in the dating world long and this is all so new. If, prior to the sex, you were really into her, give it a bit of time.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Like the others, I would say slow it down. It takes some time to get your head on straight. You haven't been out in the dating world long and this is all so new. If, prior to the sex, you were really into her, give it a bit of time.


Yeah just wait, if you are already digging her for everything other then sex you might end with with a good slow built relationship that ends up being the best you ever had :smthumbup:
Well as long as the sex isn't absolutely terrible and gives you some satisfaction lol


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> Yeah just wait, if you are already digging her for everything other then sex you might end with with a good slow built relationship that ends up being the best you ever had :smthumbup:
> Well as long as the sex isn't absolutely terrible and gives you some satisfaction lol


You know, it wasn't "bad", just...different...because she is so short. Maybe that sounds silly, but I have never dated a woman less than 2-3 inches shorter than me, and she is almost 10 inches shorter. You wouldn't think it would make a difference, but when you're used to putting legs over your shoulders and ramming (as RD calls it, lol), then not having that is at first pretty darned awkward.

There truly is something to be said for long legs and I never realized how much of a leg man I was until the weekend. :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> You know, it wasn't "bad", just...different...because she is so short. Maybe that sounds silly, but I have never dated a woman less than 2-3 inches shorter than me, and she is almost 10 inches shorter. You wouldn't think it would make a difference, but when you're used to putting legs over your shoulders and ramming (as RD calls it, lol), then not having that is at first pretty darned awkward.
> 
> There truly is something to be said for long legs and I never realized how much of a leg man I was until the weekend. :rofl:


Not silly at all, I know what your are talking about. I am 6ft and my exwife was just under 5ft 
Sex in the shower was literally leg day, try doing hundreds of awkward unbalanced half squats lolol
GF is about 5'-7" so still a bit shorter but on the taller side of my experience. Much more comfortable height for me, kissing while standing doesn't kink my neck and sex standing up is actually enjoyable.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> You know, it wasn't "bad", just...different...because she is so short. Maybe that sounds silly, but I have never dated a woman less than 2-3 inches shorter than me, and she is almost 10 inches shorter. You wouldn't think it would make a difference, but when you're used to putting legs over your shoulders and ramming (as RD calls it, lol), then not having that is at first pretty darned awkward.
> 
> There truly is something to be said for long legs and I never realized how much of a leg man I was until the weekend. :rofl:


Sounds like a good opportunity to try out some new positions! 

According to Bandit, shorter women are really adept at spinning on top.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Meh, nothing can beat long legs for me, but tis just me


----------



## ne9907

Haha Movealong
That's so deliciously shallow.... Totally kidding 
But I must defend the sexiness of my vertically challenged kind!


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> I am sure she felt a connection, but I didn't. Until we actually did it, I was looking forward to it with anticipation, afterword it just seemed empty. Yea, yea, I know how that sounds coming from a man. For me it should have brought me closer to her, not made me feel like pulling back from her.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


Nah , doesn't sound like that at all move. l 've had that feeling a few times , l really hate it actually and regretted going there after.
That's why l put it of now , well one reason.
l'd just rather sort my feelings if they need it , without going there bc it just feels crap even bothering to go there with someone if she's not right for me.
One thing though , like yours , it does seem to get the crap outa the way once and for all and clear the old head about how you really feel , or not .

ps , just reading some of the other replies , maybe l'm the odd one out , dunno . But for me it doesn't get any better with her if l feel that and l just wanna move on from her once and for all later.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Meh, nothing can beat long legs for me, but tis just me



Good for u rd. Me , l just love the shorter muscled legs , they drive me crazy . But then l do love shorter girls so .
You know how some girls literally have muscle , love that.


----------



## whitehawk

Had an unreal fathers day.
Got some great little pressies and d and me went to see some water falls .
We got lost and ended up driving for 3hrs basically in circles when it turns out they were only 45mins away. 3 maps in the car and not one of them showed the actual spot ,don't you hate that.
So we almost gave up and we were just about to put it down as a nice country drive - not, when all came good and the next minute we were finally there.
So glad we kept going we loved them , so cool ,and they were flowing , that was the other worry bc there hasn't been that much rain.
My d has these days where her lightening wit can be just unbeatable and that funny when she gets on a roll and man was she firing .
My face was distorted from laughing by the time we got home l swear .
Anyway l pushed record on the way back bc she was so firing , you should hear this thing , funniest thing l've ever heard . The two of us just bs'ing on and on . Laughing our heads off. Wish l could play it for you guys right here but hey , the language and cracks are is probably a bit too colorful anyway haha .

Was a great day .


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Had an unreal fathers day.


Father's Day just passed? Damn...missed it. 

On the sexual thing...first time with Guatemalan was awkward, like we both forgot how to do it  After that...well...its been great. 

Funny I am more open than I was in my marriage not only socially and communicate better but sexually too. For example, I would never perform oral sex on my ex, partly because I didn't like her smell...Sounds terrible when I say it. But with Guatemalan...wow...she takes care of herself in a different way that makes me comfortable going there and like it, and damn does she love it (apparently I am the only person to have ever given her oral sex). 

But yeah...first time was like the first time ever...dumb and awkward, but after that...I must say, better than when I was married in part probably because I take far more time for her than I did previously. Learning each other's bodies is the key, and it is fun. An excuse to practice a lot 

Geez...I feel like maybe I am sharing a little too much info...glad this is an anonymous forum . I would never talk about this stuff with my friends. TMI.


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Thanks. Well, I think where we derive energy from is what makes a person an introvert; it has nothing to do really with being shy or socially awkward or anything. Being on socially takes energy for me and I need some breaks periodically to recharge, like I have been playing an intense sport and need to sit on the bench for a while and be by myself and watch.
> 
> But others, they can feed off the energy of the social interactions and can go for days and weeks without breaks...those are the extroverts. They might not even talk much, they just get really energized by being around other people.
> 
> At first I thought I was tired when she left because of all the physical activity...but I am a very fit guy and I eat well, so the physical stuff itself is not the issue, it contributes I am sure, but it is the "on" thing.


I am the exact same way! I love talking to co-workers and customers at the bar I work at, but after a shift I am completely drained. I def need alone time to recharge after lots of social interaction and sometimes even after one on one time. 

Yesterday we were short staffed and I wound up working an extremely busy 10 hour shift. After that I came home and slept 12 hours - no joke.


----------



## bravenewworld

So I went on a date with 10 year younger guy and was pleasantly surprised! Turns out we have a lot in common and he got all my references. Was worried I would sound like some old fart taking about Wings while he's only heard of My Chemical Romance. 

Funny moment - he told me he was taking me to "this great beer bar." Turns out - it was my bar! Of all the bars, in a huge city. Very funny, like something out of a romcom. 

He turned bright red when he found out.


----------



## bravenewworld

FYI this week's draft beers:

Old Rasputin on Nitro (Russian Imperial Stout)
Nu Hell India Pale Lager
Witch's Wit Witbier

And Sierra Nevada - cause I'm a sucker for the classics. :smthumbup:


----------



## poppyseed

Another Planet said:


> I am for the most part an introvert and my gf is also for the most part like I but we are incredibly social and like attention just in bursts or situations where we can separate ourselves. The crazy thing is we could spend every second together...we don't obviously though, we take breaks to do our separate lives thing. *I have never met someone that didn't annoy me sooner or later a*nd I NEEDED a break from. It is very interesting to me...I must actually like her


Another Planet, thank you so much for providing further great insight on this subject. Wow, this explains so well. I'm totally shocked how lucid / cultivated TAM posters on this forum really are. 

It made me laugh when you wrote, "I have never met someone that didn't annoy me sooner or later". It's good to hear that we could all have all of these feelings and that doesn't make us a bad person. Enjoy your scenic coast, AP


----------



## poppyseed

movealong said:


> Kind of feeling befuddled today. I had sex for the first time since my divorce and while it was good to break that barrier, it felt unsatisfying. I really like the woman, and we're dating, and it should have been good but it wasn't what I was thinking it would be.
> 
> Now I know I don't want a serious LTR with her so I am going to have to say something to her which may end a friendship of 30+ years.


Hi Friendship can be ruined by trying to make it into a romantic relationship unsuccessfully. I have seen some examples around me over the years.


----------



## poppyseed

Arendt said:


> For example, I would never perform oral sex on my ex, partly because I didn't like her smell...Sounds terrible when I say it.


It doesn't sound terrible at all, Arendt. Level of hygiene is essential for both men and woman. Someone who constantly complains he / she's not able to find someone to date...have a good scrub up and see...?


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> whitehawk said:
> 
> 
> 
> Had an unreal fathers day.
> 
> 
> 
> Father's Day just passed? Damn...missed it.
> 
> On the sexual thing...first time with Guatemalan was awkward, like we both forgot how to do it
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> After that...well...its been great.
> 
> Funny I am more open than I was in my marriage not only socially and communicate better but sexually too. For example, I would never perform oral sex on my ex, partly because I didn't like her smell...Sounds terrible when I say it. But with Guatemalan...wow...she takes care of herself in a different way that makes me comfortable going there and like it, and damn does she love it (apparently I am the only person to have ever given her oral sex).
> 
> But yeah...first time was like the first time ever...dumb and awkward, but after that...I must say, better than when I was married in part probably because I take far more time for her than I did previously. Learning each other's bodies is the key, and it is fun. An excuse to practice a lot
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Geez...I feel like maybe I am sharing a little too much info...glad this is an anonymous forum
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> . I would never talk about this stuff with my friends. TMI.
Click to expand...

Whitehawk is from Australia so looks like Father's day is the first Sunday in September or something like that.

Yeah expecting great sex out of the gate is kind of unrealistic in my opinion.Half the fun is learning a new person and you even discover new things about yourself if you open up.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Good for u rd. Me , l just love the shorter muscled legs , they drive me crazy . But then l do love shorter girls so .
> You know how some girls literally have muscle , love that.


 So, for every long legged lover, there is a short legged lover. Different strokes. ..and isn't that great. We need to remember that.




Another Planet said:


> Yeah expecting great sex out of the gate is kind of unrealistic in my opinion.Half the fun is learning a new person and you even discover new things about yourself if you open up.


:iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Yeah expecting great sex out of the gate is kind of unrealistic in my opinion.Half the fun is learning a new person and you even discover new things about yourself if you open up.


So o o true. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> There truly is something to be said for long legs and I never realized how much of a leg man I was until the weekend. :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

poppyseed said:


> It doesn't sound terrible at all, Arendt. Level of hygiene is essential for both men and woman. Someone who constantly complains he / she's not able to find someone to date...have a good scrub up and see...?


It may not necessarily be a hygiene issue, sometimes someone's scent just doesnt mesh with you. It a hormonal thing. I know that for me, a man's natural scent has to trigger the girly parts, or I cannot be involved with him!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> It may not necessarily be a hygiene issue, sometimes someone's scent just doesnt mesh with you. It a hormonal thing. I know that for me, a man's natural scent has to trigger the girly parts, or I cannot be involved with him!


For me, it depends on what I eat. 
Also my ex never ever ever went there. Blue goes there all the time! More than once. 
I think it has to do with whether a man likes it or not. It is weird for sure. I like my smell.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Also my ex never ever ever went there. Blue goes there all the time!


I would never be with a man who won't go down on me. It's is extremely high on my list of favorite bedroom things. Luckily, the men I've been with have been very generous in that department.

No "going downtown" is a dealbreaker for me.


----------



## RandomDude

Going downtown is second nature to legmen 

Must be nice to sniffle first though!


----------



## movealong

I have a bellybutton test for going down: if the aroma is too much by the time I have made my way down to it, I start working my way back up towards the neck, lol!


----------



## Durnik

I've gotta say, even when I've got nothing to contribute to this thread, y'all are a delight to follow.

And long legs (in proportion to the rest of the body) are a definite "yes, please" for me!


----------



## Jellybeans

Durnik said:


> I've gotta say, even when I've got nothing to contribute to this thread, y'all are a delight to follow.
> 
> And long legs (in proportion to the rest of the body) are a definite "yes, please" for me!


:rofl: We are a funky/fun bunch. 

If I were a man I'd be a leg man. Also, I am very leggy so yeah I am biased.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: We are a funky/fun bunch.
> 
> If I were a man I'd be a leg man. Also, I am very leggy so yeah I am biased.


:rofl:

I am an ass woman, I like a nice firm butt. If I was a man, I would be a tits man.


----------



## moxy

Shoulders. Hands. Tongues. Yep, those do it for me.


----------



## Arendt

Well...to shift the course of the coarse conversation, we men can use some hygiene too I suppose. I use talc and trim, so what is good for her is good for me. Otherwise I can smell pretty bad myself! Men are pretty disgusting naturally.

With ex it was a hygiene thing. With Guatemalan same thing...she clearly takes great pride in keeping her business clean and fresh. Otherwise, I would not be doing that stuff. I definitely like it with her because of her habits. Makes it easier; and makes her very happy. Win; win.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Well...to shift the course of the coarse conversation, we men can use some hygiene too I suppose. I use talc and trim, so what is good for her is good for me. Otherwise I can smell pretty bad myself! Men are pretty disgusting naturally.
> 
> With ex it was a hygiene thing. With Guatemalan same thing...she clearly takes great pride in keeping her business clean and fresh. Otherwise, I would not be doing that stuff. I definitely like it with her because of her habits. Makes it easier; and makes her very happy. Win; win.


This makes me wonder what you ex WASN'T doing. Proper hygiene is so... easy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> This makes me wonder what you ex WASN'T doing. Proper hygiene is so... easy.


Maybe she douched? Women really should NOT douche, it screws with your PH. Those parts are designed to clean themselves!  I have had a few partners tell me how awesome I smell, and usually I find out that woman before me used to douche. (Dont get me wrong, I just smell AMAZING anyway!!  )


----------



## Arendt

3Xnocharm said:


> Maybe she douched? Women really should NOT douche, it screws with your PH. Those parts are designed to clean themselves!  I have had a few partners tell me how awesome I smell, and usually I find out that woman before me used to douche. (Dont get me wrong, I just smell AMAZING anyway!!  )


And you are apparently a very very limber person 

Honestly I have no idea. She didn't douche for fear of infection I know that. But I am no expert and don't consider it my duty to find out how women should take care of themselves. If she didn't that was her loss because I refused to go down. Could be just her natural smell, and if so, I didn't like it. I know she didn't trim her hair down there either. For guys, that helps keep our stuff dry and hence less foul smelling.

All I know is that it is a very different situation with Guatemalan. She does smell pleasant...no fragrances or anything, just normal skin smell. And she shaves...which I thought was odd at first, but I like it now.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Maybe she douched? Women really should NOT douche, it screws with your PH. Those parts are designed to clean themselves!  I have had a few partners tell me how awesome I smell, and usually I find out that woman before me used to douche. (Dont get me wrong, I just smell AMAZING anyway!!  )


I have never ever douche (?) and never will.
EDIT: I do shave, makes it so much simpler to keep clean and it just feels ahmazing!~

EDIT: I just signed up for an art workshop!!! So excited


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I have never ever douche (?) and never will.
> EDIT: I do shave, makes it so much simpler to keep clean and it just feels ahmazing!~
> 
> EDIT: I just signed up for an art workshop!!! So excited


Douching is just ewwww. I don't shave, but I enjoy a good bikini wax and keep things trimmed. I feel like shaving would make me itchy.


----------



## ne9907

I really enjoyed this article, simple and to the point.

The Truth About 'Settling'Â*|Â*Phoebe Fox

Someday, if you haven't already, you may meet your soul mate.

You will know each other's hearts immediately. You will be two halves of a whole, the missing piece you always knew was out there. You'll know perfect accord, always; you'll fulfill each other's every need; you will know each other's truest desires on a level far deeper than words.

You will live together forever in your stagnant pond of unbroken harmony, while unicorns fly overhead, emitting rainbows from their rear ends.

Here's the thing about the idea of a soul mate: Even if you did meet that perfect person (and I'd argue that such a thing is as likely as the rainbow-farting unicorns), it wouldn't be the paradisiacal union that romance novels, Hollywood movies and fairy tales want us to believe in.

The thing about someone who knows and shares your every thought and emotion? It's boring.

My husband and I recently had a disagreement about a TV: He wants a huge one, and I don't understand why a television screen has to fill the entire available stretch of wall. But it makes him happy, so we decided he'd start shopping for the TV of his dreams. When he finally found it after much painstaking deliberation (he shops from the head; I tend to shop from the gut), he excitedly called to tell me about it, and when he got to the price, I made a perhaps unladylike sound of upchucking.

His tone flattened and he said he'd keep looking, despite my urging him to go ahead and buy the one he wanted.

After we hung up, I thought about the conversation. I realized that my ill-thought-out reaction had ruined his delight and anticipation in a purchase we'd already agreed on and budgeted for. He'd still get the TV, but I'd taken away all the fun of it.

The stupid disagreement with my husband allowed me to see something more clearly: I tend to speak before I think. I wish I didn't, and for years, I've been working on taking a beat before I vomit up every thought crossing my brainpan. But it wasn't until I burst the balloon of the person I love most that I really, viscerally got it -- I need to slow down, take a moment, consider my words (or rude noises).

*The problem with perfect accord with someone is that you don't get the chance to grow. No one calls you on your BS. No one holds up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly*. No one recognizes your imperfections and shortcomings and loves you anyway.

Which is why you should "settle." 

The word gets a bad rap in relationships -- as if you are chucking all your high standards and accepting subpar, just so you can have a plus-one for social events.

But I don't mean you should run out and shack up with the first human being who's available, breathing and has opposable thumbs. And I don't suggest that you can "make it work" with anyone you happen to date. You can't -- some people are just mismatches. Most, probably. It took me nearly 40 years to find someone whose company and personality and ideology I enjoyed enough to think, Yes, you. I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life.

In a recent study led by University of Toronto marketing professor Spike W. S. Lee, participants were asked to recall happy and unhappy relationship events after being exposed to one of two concepts: relationships as a journey and soul mates. Those who were primed with the former idea reported overall higher levels of happiness in their relationship.

*It comes down to expectations. If we think the person we pair with is supposed to read our minds and hearts and always understand us so that we shall live in perfect accord at all times, how can we not be disappointed when life and human nature get in the way?* Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we are a**holes. Finding a perfect soul mate implies being a perfect soul mate, and that's a lot of pressure for anyone -- to be that ideal someone, all the time.

We need permission to fail, to fall short. We need to stumble so that we can learn from those stumbles and grow from them, and be the best version of ourselves possible. We need someone who will love us throughout that process. Who will see past our flaws to the person we really are -- and want to be -- and stick with us while we learn to more fully become that person.

*We need someone who pokes a finger right into our tender spots and draws our attention to the places that need some growth and healing*.

Maybe soul mates aren't discovered, but made, after years of walking the ups and downs together, helping each other over the potholes.

And if you look down as you cross over those potholes, maybe you'll see a rainbow reflected in their muddy brown waters.


----------



## Fenix

Arendt said:


> Well...to shift the course of the coarse conversation, we men can use some hygiene too I suppose. I use talc and trim, so what is good for her is good for me. Otherwise I can smell pretty bad myself! Men are pretty disgusting naturally.
> 
> With ex it was a hygiene thing. With Guatemalan same thing...she clearly takes great pride in keeping her business clean and fresh. Otherwise, I would not be doing that stuff. I definitely like it with her because of her habits. Makes it easier; and makes her very happy. Win; win.


Yes! I did not like the way my ex smelled. He smelled like an old man. I know now it was due to an sti.  I love the way my guy now smells. Even if he is a bit musky (after a long day at work etc), he is never smelly. He gets a lot more action down there as a result.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I really enjoyed this article, simple and to the point.
> 
> The Truth About 'Settling'Â*|Â*Phoebe Fox
> 
> Someday, if you haven't already, you may meet your soul mate.
> 
> You will know each other's hearts immediately. You will be two halves of a whole, the missing piece you always knew was out there. You'll know perfect accord, always; you'll fulfill each other's every need; you will know each other's truest desires on a level far deeper than words.
> 
> You will live together forever in your stagnant pond of unbroken harmony, while unicorns fly overhead, emitting rainbows from their rear ends.
> 
> Here's the thing about the idea of a soul mate: Even if you did meet that perfect person (and I'd argue that such a thing is as likely as the rainbow-farting unicorns), it wouldn't be the paradisiacal union that romance novels, Hollywood movies and fairy tales want us to believe in.
> 
> The thing about someone who knows and shares your every thought and emotion? It's boring.
> 
> My husband and I recently had a disagreement about a TV: He wants a huge one, and I don't understand why a television screen has to fill the entire available stretch of wall. But it makes him happy, so we decided he'd start shopping for the TV of his dreams. When he finally found it after much painstaking deliberation (he shops from the head; I tend to shop from the gut), he excitedly called to tell me about it, and when he got to the price, I made a perhaps unladylike sound of upchucking.
> 
> His tone flattened and he said he'd keep looking, despite my urging him to go ahead and buy the one he wanted.
> 
> After we hung up, I thought about the conversation. I realized that my ill-thought-out reaction had ruined his delight and anticipation in a purchase we'd already agreed on and budgeted for. He'd still get the TV, but I'd taken away all the fun of it.
> 
> The stupid disagreement with my husband allowed me to see something more clearly: I tend to speak before I think. I wish I didn't, and for years, I've been working on taking a beat before I vomit up every thought crossing my brainpan. But it wasn't until I burst the balloon of the person I love most that I really, viscerally got it -- I need to slow down, take a moment, consider my words (or rude noises).
> 
> *The problem with perfect accord with someone is that you don't get the chance to grow. No one calls you on your BS. No one holds up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly*. No one recognizes your imperfections and shortcomings and loves you anyway.
> 
> Which is why you should "settle."
> 
> The word gets a bad rap in relationships -- as if you are chucking all your high standards and accepting subpar, just so you can have a plus-one for social events.
> 
> But I don't mean you should run out and shack up with the first human being who's available, breathing and has opposable thumbs. And I don't suggest that you can "make it work" with anyone you happen to date. You can't -- some people are just mismatches. Most, probably. It took me nearly 40 years to find someone whose company and personality and ideology I enjoyed enough to think, Yes, you. I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life.
> 
> In a recent study led by University of Toronto marketing professor Spike W. S. Lee, participants were asked to recall happy and unhappy relationship events after being exposed to one of two concepts: relationships as a journey and soul mates. Those who were primed with the former idea reported overall higher levels of happiness in their relationship.
> 
> *It comes down to expectations. If we think the person we pair with is supposed to read our minds and hearts and always understand us so that we shall live in perfect accord at all times, how can we not be disappointed when life and human nature get in the way?* Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we are a**holes. Finding a perfect soul mate implies being a perfect soul mate, and that's a lot of pressure for anyone -- to be that ideal someone, all the time.
> 
> We need permission to fail, to fall short. We need to stumble so that we can learn from those stumbles and grow from them, and be the best version of ourselves possible. We need someone who will love us throughout that process. Who will see past our flaws to the person we really are -- and want to be -- and stick with us while we learn to more fully become that person.
> 
> *We need someone who pokes a finger right into our tender spots and draws our attention to the places that need some growth and healing*.
> 
> Maybe soul mates aren't discovered, but made, after years of walking the ups and downs together, helping each other over the potholes.
> 
> And if you look down as you cross over those potholes, maybe you'll see a rainbow reflected in their muddy brown waters.


Well put, I often search for exactly that to say to you all here but do not know how to articulate it.
It seems some are looking for the person that is going to non stop knock your socks off, doesn't exist in my opinion. People mess up and make mistakes while they grow...how else do you know how to be?


----------



## Another Planet

For the record I ABSOLUTELY love the way my GF smells. She is well groomed


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I am an ass woman, I like a nice firm butt. If I was a man, I would be a tits man.


Huh?

Well admittedly... for me, women who have sexual interests in a man's backside makes me just a tad nervous... just a tad =/

But tis just me


----------



## Arendt

RandomDude said:


> Huh?
> 
> Well admittedly... for me, women who have sexual interests in a man's backside makes me just a tad nervous... just a tad =/
> 
> But tis just me


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Huh?
> 
> Well admittedly... for me, women who have sexual interests in a man's backside makes me just a tad nervous... just a tad =/
> 
> But tis just me


:rofl: Funny. I totally would have pegged you for someone with an a$$ kink. 



Why do they make you nervous? LOL


----------



## ne9907

Haha
I can't like posts. I have a new phone and settings are weird but
APs post full of win. You do appreciate your girl 

I do love a man's ass!!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Funny. I totally would have pegged you for someone with an a$$ kink.
> 
> 
> 
> Why do they make you nervous? LOL


What can I say?

When it comes to sex, I like my women in front of me, not behind me thank you!


----------



## moxy

Brazilian waxes are awesome. Bodies, in general, can be awesome after a good shower. And, in my opinion, sex is best when it's spontaneous and creative. Also, ne -- that post was awesome! Forget the ideal, the reality is so much more exciting!


----------



## whitehawk

Durnik said:


> I've gotta say, even when I've got nothing to contribute to this thread, y'all are a delight to follow.
> 
> And long legs (in proportion to the rest of the body) are a definite "yes, please" for me!



How come nothing to add , are you on the fence right now or ?


----------



## whitehawk

Yep lovem short but with some funny times sometimes.
Like when l'm trying to wrap them around my neck and there's just like - no more leg , they won't reach.
It's like, wtf is going on here , hmmm :scratchhead:
Creativity can be a beautiful thing :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Stage 5 clingers can go to hell


----------



## poppyseed

3Xnocharm said:


> It may not necessarily be a hygiene issue, sometimes someone's scent just doesnt mesh with you. It a hormonal thing. I know that for me, a man's natural scent has to trigger the girly parts, or I cannot be involved with him!


Hi 3xnocharm

A fair comment 

I was more or less referring to some Men in my earlier post (apologies, to guys of TAM, not "you" guys) - a minority of some men, however, whom I have come to notice. My ex is super squeaky clean, gorgeous smell of freshly washed hair, clean smelling which always attracted me. Perhaps, some "girly" quality in him which made me feel comfortable, too. 

When I get a whiff of musty animal scent off someone's shirt, it is a real turn off. This actually happened to me at the opening of an Art exhibition. Apparently, this "guy" was living with his new puppy and ferrets that he totally "adores" and spend most of his time with. (He's a hotelier running several plush hotels) He's a pleasant / young looking, intelligent and smart guy but this smell..and he told me how many years he's been a singleton and haven't had a date for the past three years....:scratchhead:


----------



## poppyseed

RandomDude said:


> Going downtown is second nature to legmen
> 
> Must be nice to sniffle first though!


 :rofl::rofl: It's a must.


----------



## poppyseed

movealong said:


> I have made my way down to it, I start working my way back up towards the neck, lol!


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Stage 5 clingers can go to hell



What's this Vi , or did l miss it ?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> What's this Vi , or did l miss it ?


Just venting. Thought I might have met a guy...But due to my super duper b.s. detector that is not the case. 

Carry on, singles!


----------



## movealong

Got a call from ex-MIL last evening. My ex-FIL is coming down tomorrow for a car show and parts sale. As he has in the past, he will be staying at my home. Unlike the past I will be his former SIL. I am appreciative of the fact that we can still have a good relationship. 

I really do NOT want to talk about my ex, but I do not want to seem to be avoiding it either. I could really give two sh!ts about what and who she is doing. 

If any of you have had a similar circumstance, how did you move the conversation from your ex without causing the ex in-law to be upset that you no longer want to talk about or hear about the ex spouse?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Stage 5 clingers can go to hell


HA! With the way my luck has been going, I would welcome a stage 5!


----------



## FeministInPink

poppyseed said:


> Hi 3xnocharm
> 
> A fair comment
> 
> I was more or less referring to some Men in my earlier post (apologies, to guys of TAM, not "you" guys) - a minority of some men, however, whom I have come to notice. My ex is super squeaky clean, gorgeous smell of freshly washed hair, clean smelling which always attracted me. Perhaps, some "girly" quality in him which made me feel comfortable, too.
> 
> When I get a whiff of musty animal scent off someone's shirt, it is a real turn off. This actually happened to me at the opening of an Art exhibition. Apparently, this "guy" was living with his new puppy and ferrets that he totally "adores" and spend most of his time with. (He's a hotelier running several plush hotels) He's a pleasant / young looking, intelligent and smart guy but this smell..and he told me how many years he's been a singleton and haven't had a date for the past three years....:scratchhead:


Ugh, me too, on the animal/pet scent. I don't mind animals/pets (I have a cat), but I can't stand it when someone smells like their animal. It tells me that either they don't bathe their animal enough, or they don't wash their clothes enough. Not to mention that the smell makes me want to gag.

I'm always bemused by people I see on the Metro who have pet hair all over their clothes. Like, people in business suits covered in pet hair. Really???


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I really do NOT want to talk about my ex, but I do not want to seem to be avoiding it either.
> 
> If any of you have had a similar circumstance, how did you move the conversation from your ex without causing the ex in-law to be upset that you no longer want to talk about or hear about the ex spouse?


Just steer the conversation in a different direction.



3Xnocharm said:


> HA! With the way my luck has been going, I would welcome a stage 5!


Be careful what you wish for. Stage 5 clingers are not the look.


----------



## pragmaster

Hey ya'll, 

I'm happily divorced!

I live in Regina, SK.

PM if you are a woman in my city that wants to hang out!

420 friendly!


----------



## ne9907

pragmaster said:


> Hey ya'll,
> 
> I'm happily divorced!
> 
> I live in Regina, SK.
> 
> PM if you are a woman in my city that wants to hang out!
> 
> 420 friendly!


:rofl:
Ok if you are serious.... dudette chill out, if this is a joke EPIC!


----------



## pragmaster

It's no joke lol.

Maybe I should read the forum rules.

Hahahaha


----------



## Another Planet

pragmaster said:


> It's no joke lol.
> 
> Maybe I should read the forum rules.
> 
> Hahahaha


This isn't a dating site mang


----------



## Jellybeans

Yeah, this isn't a site for picking people up. 

But this thread is for talking about the crazy stories we do have about dating. Safe haven from The Real World.


----------



## Arendt

Funny...last night after getting out of the shower Guatemalan said to me that she has been tired a lot lately and she thinks it is all the sex we have been having...not complaining, but she was just wondering...

So I gave her my theory on energy and introversion while we ate coconut vanilla vegan ice cream...we spend a lot of time together in large chunks which takes a lot of emotional and social energy. I bet we could get together and have sex several times like we do and without the connection she and I would not be all that tired. It is the energy of being "on" with each other that makes us tired later. She thought that made a lot of sense. Then we went back for a another test of that theory; the I'm not tired because of sex theory! :smthumbup:

Certainly don't want the sexual stuff to dissipate! We were up very late last night though. Her magic is still in my apartment; it is strong...I am still under its spell though she is gone for 4 hours now.


----------



## bandit.45

Arendt said:


> Funny...last night after getting out of the shower Guatemalan said to me that she has been tired a lot lately and she thinks it is all the sex we have been having...not complaining, but she was just wondering...
> 
> So I gave her my theory on energy and introversion while we ate coconut vanilla vegan ice cream...we spend a lot of time together in large chunks which takes a lot of emotional and social energy. I bet we could get together and have sex several times like we do and without the connection she and I would not be all that tired. It is the energy of being "on" with each other that makes us tired later. She thought that made a lot of sense. Then we went back for a another test of that theory; the I'm not tired because of sex theory! :smthumbup:
> 
> Certainly don't want the sexual stuff to dissipate! We were up very late last night though. Her magic is still in my apartment; it is strong...I am still under its spell though she is gone for 4 hours now.



Guatemalan women tend to be little. Easy to pick up and throw around the bed.


----------



## bandit.45

Need some advice guys. 

I'm still seeing Syrian. Our relationship is steady and good. The sex is great and we're becoming closer all the time. 

Problem is her cat. Edgar. He's a big tabby....and he hates me. 

No, I mean he really, really hates me. Hisses and swats at me any time I come near him. He doesn't like me getting near Syrian. He growls and tries to star me down when Syrian and is are sitting on her couch. Syrians living room is his domain and it's like he won't tolerate me being in there with her. 

Any suggestions on how I can smoke the peace pipe with this gato?


----------



## Arendt

bandit.45 said:


> Guatemalan women tend to be little. Easy to pick up and throw around the bed.


She's 5'4" or 5'5" but she is in shape...very good shape...all muscle which means she is not easy to throw around . I'm in good shape too (225lb bench, for example...I am 5'10") but a 5'4" woman who works out and teaches fitness classes like her is very different than a thin woman who does not. My ex was the same height and thin but didn't work out like her; big difference.

On another bright side...I am learning a lot of Spanish I didn't get to learn the first time around  . I have a LOT of motivation to get moving on that language...yet another excuse to procrastinate and not write that blasted dissertation...or write the last 50 pages in a new language...that would be hilarious (to me...not to my advisors).


----------



## Arendt

Hmmmm...what kind of treats does the cat eat? Cats are motivated by a few different things and food is one of them. If he starts seeing you as "treat guy" he'll treat you different.

EDIT: This is a topic worthy of a thread in my view...how to deal with pets from both sides...it is almost like children but not as intense and complicated...


----------



## bandit.45

Arendt said:


> Hmmmm...what kind of treats does the cat eat? Cats are motivated by a few different things and food is one of them. If he starts seeing you as "treat guy" he'll treat you different.


Liver treats. But he won't accept them from me. Nope. He isn't falling for it.


----------



## Arendt

hmmmm...another tip...have her rub a wash cloth over the top of his head around his ears especially and run it on your hands and such...you want his scent on you..and invisible scent to us, but an important one to the cat...you have to smell like part of the pride to the cat. 

with the treats...get one out and lay it on the floor and back away and don't pay attention to it. He nows you put it there.


----------



## Arendt

also use the wash cloth to rub your scent on him...once the cat smells like you, he'll be less intimidated. They work on pheremones we cannot smell. You want to mix them up...a pride smell.


----------



## Arendt

And if she can, get a Feliway plugin that releases a calmng pheremone in her apartment...it will make him less anxious when you come around. It is a "friendly" pheremone and calms cats when they are stressed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Liver treats. But he won't accept them from me. Nope. He isn't falling for it.


Maybe a packet of tuna...much more enticing!


----------



## pragmaster

No duh it's not a dating site! Still doesn't mean I can't try. Muwahahaha


Fine. You want dating stories?

-Met one girl who squirts. Surprise!! Kind of a turn off. Never thought that was a real thing. I broke up with her because of this. I kept the reason to myself, but would you have told her? Is that such a bad thing?

-Met one girl who kisses really hard. Tried to tell her to ease off and she couldn't. Had to end that one. What do you do when the sex is great but the kissing sucks? 

-Here's a good one for conversation. So I've been separated for several months now. I try to meet a new girl every day. So far so good! I do my best to be honest and transparent with everybody. A few weeks ago I met this one girl. I told her I was single. Then a few days later I invited her over. She noticed my paintings. I said it was my ex-wifes. And then she said, you were married? I said, Yeah I was. Moral of the story is; being single is not the same as being divorced! I did not know this! She got upset, thought I lied to her and I don't talk to her anymore. 

So guys, when you meet a girl, if she asks you if you are single, do you say yes or do you say you are divorced? 

In my mind if you are separated you are single..........


----------



## 3Xnocharm

pragmaster said:


> No duh it's not a dating site! Still doesn't mean I can't try. Muwahahaha
> 
> 
> Fine. You want dating stories?
> 
> -Met one girl who squirts. Surprise!! Kind of a turn off. Never thought that was a real thing. I broke up with her because of this. I kept the reason to myself, but would you have told her? Is that such a bad thing?
> 
> -Met one girl who kisses really hard. Tried to tell her to ease off and she couldn't. Had to end that one. What do you do when the sex is great but the kissing sucks?
> 
> -Here's a good one for conversation. So I've been separated for several months now. I try to meet a new girl every day. So far so good! I do my best to be honest and transparent with everybody. A few weeks ago I met this one girl. I told her I was single. Then a few days later I invited her over. She noticed my paintings. I said it was my ex-wifes. And then she said, you were married? I said, Yeah I was. Moral of the story is; being single is not the same as being divorced! I did not know this! She got upset, thought I lied to her and I don't talk to her anymore.
> 
> So guys, when you meet a girl, if she asks you if you are single, do you say yes or do you say you are divorced?
> *
> In my mind if you are separated you are single..........*



NOPE!!

In my opinion, single is either never married, or no longer married. Separated is NOT single!


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Need some advice guys.
> 
> I'm still seeing Syrian. Our relationship is steady and good. The sex is great and we're becoming closer all the time.
> 
> Problem is her cat. Edgar. He's a big tabby....and he hates me.
> 
> No, I mean he really, really hates me. Hisses and swats at me any time I come near him. He doesn't like me getting near Syrian. He growls and tries to star me down when Syrian and is are sitting on her couch. Syrians living room is his domain and it's like he won't tolerate me being in there with her.
> 
> Any suggestions on how I can smoke the peace pipe with this gato?


LOL...Sorry I had to laugh...
Gotta dominate, be the boss


----------



## bandit.45

Arendt said:


> She's 5'4" or 5'5" but she is in shape...very good shape...all muscle which means she is not easy to throw around . I'm in good shape too (225lb bench, for example...I am 5'10") but a 5'4" woman who works out and teaches fitness classes like her is very different than a thin woman who does not. My ex was the same height and thin but didn't work out like her; big difference.
> 
> On another bright side...I am learning a lot of Spanish I didn't get to learn the first time around  . I have a LOT of motivation to get moving on that language...yet another excuse to procrastinate and not write that blasted dissertation...or write the last 50 pages in a new language...that would be hilarious (to me...not to my advisors).



Ohhhhhhhh papi! Oi papi. Mas! Mas!


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> LOL...Sorry I had to laugh...
> Gotta dominate, be the boss


You don't understand. This cat is huge. He's a badass. Still has his nuts. 

He's the Shaft of male cats.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Maybe a packet of tuna...much more enticing!


Hon I've tried tuna, kidney bites, fvcking Fancy Feast. Everything. He won't eat it. He just spends all evening glaring at me like I owe him money.


----------



## bandit.45

Arendt said:


> And if she can, get a Feliway plugin that releases a calmng pheremone in her apartment...it will make him less anxious when you come around. It is a "friendly" pheremone and calms cats when they are stressed.


Hmm. I'm intrigued.....


----------



## bandit.45

Arendt said:


> hmmmm...another tip...have her rub a wash cloth over the top of his head around his ears especially and run it on your hands and such...you want his scent on you..and invisible scent to us, but an important one to the cat...you have to smell like part of the pride to the cat.
> 
> with the treats...get one out and lay it on the floor and back away and don't pay attention to it. He nows you put it there.


I'm afraid if she tried to do that she would pull back a stump. 

This cat must be the reincarnation of some dead kid I beat up in middle school.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> You don't understand. This cat is huge. He's a badass. Still has his nuts.
> 
> He's the Shaft of male cats.


She needs to get him neutered! Why in the world would anyone keep a male cat intact?? :scratchhead: They are a$$holes! 

So this may sound dumb, but have you tried playing with him, like one of the string on a stick toys? (tho maybe he thinks he is too badass to play, lol!) Maybe try being his catnip dealer.


----------



## Another Planet

pragmaster said:


> No duh it's not a dating site! Still doesn't mean I can't try. Muwahahaha
> 
> 
> Fine. You want dating stories?
> 
> -Met one girl who squirts. Surprise!! Kind of a turn off. Never thought that was a real thing. I broke up with her because of this. I kept the reason to myself, but would you have told her? Is that such a bad thing?
> 
> -Met one girl who kisses really hard. Tried to tell her to ease off and she couldn't. Had to end that one. What do you do when the sex is great but the kissing sucks?
> 
> -Here's a good one for conversation. So I've been separated for several months now. I try to meet a new girl every day. So far so good! I do my best to be honest and transparent with everybody. A few weeks ago I met this one girl. I told her I was single. Then a few days later I invited her over. She noticed my paintings. I said it was my ex-wifes. And then she said, you were married? I said, Yeah I was. Moral of the story is; being single is not the same as being divorced! I did not know this! She got upset, thought I lied to her and I don't talk to her anymore.
> 
> So guys, when you meet a girl, if she asks you if you are single, do you say yes or do you say you are divorced?
> 
> In my mind if you are separated you are single..........


If you are separated you are not single. I think that topic has been beat to death here and that is what we have concluded. 
Some people got a bad deal though and their hopefully STBX won't sign the papers for whatever reason and they are stuck.
You are technically still married, I have heard all kind of excuses...we all have.

Let me rephrase this... you are literally not available to get married again... you are not single.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Ohhhhhhhh papi! Oi papi. Mas! Mas!





bandit.45 said:


> You don't understand. This cat is huge. He's a badass. Still has his nuts.
> 
> He's the Shaft of male cats.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> She needs to get him neutered! Why in the world would anyone keep a male cat intact?? :scratchhead: They are a$$holes!
> 
> So this may sound dumb, but have you tried playing with him, like one of the string on a stick toys? (tho maybe he thinks he is too badass to play, lol!) Maybe try being his catnip dealer.


I had a laser pointer out once and he played with the dot. But after a while he just laid down and started acting pissy again. He's a d!ck. 

Syrian isn't an assh0le. But she does have a very nice one. 

She got the cat a few months back from her nephew who moved out of town. He was just going to throw the cat out in the desert somewhere but she took him in. She's going to get him neutered pretty soon, she just hasn't gotten around to it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> I had a laser pointer out once and he played with the dot. But after a while he just laid down and started acting pissy again. He's a d!ck.
> 
> Syrian isn't an assh0le. But she does have a very nice one.
> 
> She got the cat a few months back from her nephew who moved out of town. He was just going to throw the cat out in the desert somewhere but she took him in. She's going to get him neutered pretty soon, she just hasn't gotten around to it.


I meant intact MALE CATS are a$$holes! :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> I meant intact MALE CATS are a$$holes! :rofl:


Oh! :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> If you are separated you are not single. I think that topic has been beat to death here and that is what we have concluded.
> Some people got a bad deal though and their hopefully STBX won't sign the papers for whatever reason and they are stuck.
> You are technically still married, I have heard all kind of excuses...we all have.
> 
> Let me rephrase this... you are literally not available to get married again... you are not single.


I should have added on my previous post...separated isnt single, but I DO think that its okay to date. Well...as long as you are divorcing and not trying to reconcile, that is. You just need to be honest and up front with any potential dating partners.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> I should have added on my previous post...separated isnt single, but I DO think that its okay to date. Well...as long as you are divorcing and not trying to reconcile, that is. You just need to be honest and up front with any potential dating partners.


I think if a petition for divorce has been filed, then the marriage is essentially suspended until the declaration goes through. I too think it's perfectly fine to date and sleep with others as long as you and your spouse have agreed there is no chance for reconciliation.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Ohhhhhhhh papi! Oi papi. Mas! Mas!


eeewww..... such a turn off 

Seriously had one guy asked me if I spoke in spanish in bed, "go to hell" was my response.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> eeewww..... such a turn off
> 
> Seriously had one guy asked me if I spoke in spanish in bed, "go to hell" was my response.


I think it's sexy as hell. I love it when Latinas get all squeaky in bed.


----------



## bandit.45

Actually, young Japanese women are the ultimate squeak toys. 





I'm a pig.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Actually, young Japanese women are the ultimate squeak toys.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm a pig.


I actually think you are a really good fvck. Just by the way you express yourself on this board. A freak even.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I actually think you are a really good fvck. Just by the way you express yourself on this board. A freak even.


Muchas gracias mi Amiga!

Nah, I'm really just an old perv.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Muchas gracias mi Amiga!
> 
> Nah, I'm really just an old perv.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l go with b the boss .
My d's cat hated me. It's this big orange no tail thing, forget what they're called. Built like a german tank.
He's 6 now , gone a bit mad l think. Seems to have taken a shine to me lately . Keeps sitten close and staring at me . Maybe he's turning gay :rofl:
l got no time for this thing , he's a smelly fat fk . l use to like him a bit . 
I think this is why he's changed his mind about me now , bc l don't bother with him.

They let him on the tables and plates , l kick his ugly butt of any of that stuff when l'm around, fk what he thinks of me. He seems to like it :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l go with b the boss .
> My d's cat hated me. It's this big orange no tail thing, forget what they're called. Built like a german tank.
> He's 6 now , gone a bit mad l think. Seems to have taken a shine to me lately . Keeps sitten close and staring at me . Maybe he's turning gay :rofl:
> l got no time for this thing , he's a smelly fat fk . l use to like him a bit .
> I think this is why he's changed his mind about me now , bc l don't bother with him.
> 
> They let him on the tables and plates , l kick his ugly butt of any of that stuff when l'm around, fk what he thinks of me. He seems to like it :rofl:


It's a Manx cat right? No tail, and their hind ends are longer than their front legs. They run like rabbits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Yep that's the one , he's huge. He's got exactly what you say , this really high rump, wide to.
They don't seem to age very well , we're sure he's outa his tree mentally these days , only 6.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> I'm always bemused by people I see on the Metro who have pet hair all over their clothes. Like, people in business suits covered in pet hair. Really???


 Sometimes, the pet hair just gets out of control. 


This thread is cracking me up this morning. Thanks all!


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> Any suggestions on how I can smoke the peace pipe with this gato?


That was really funny :rofl:

Maybe you can try petting him? Bringing a treat? Cat prob senses you are trying to take his woman.

LOL.



ne9907 said:


> eeewww..... such a turn off
> 
> Seriously had one guy asked me if I spoke in spanish in bed, "go to hell" was my response.


Funny. I haven't been askedt hat but anytime I date a non-Latino they always want to speak Spanish to me. I will say I do love when the right person calls me "Mami." It's cute.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Funny. I haven't been askedt hat but anytime I date a non-Latino they always want to speak Spanish to me. I will say I do love when the right person calls me "Mami." It's cute.


I never understood that, lol! To me it is like getting a Japanese "symbol" tattoo: why? I have never seen a Japanese person walking around with the english word for water, flower or anything else tattooed on them. It just makes no sense to me. I know a few words of Tagalog, Japanese, Spanish and German, but not enough to converse, and damn sure not enough to sound sexy in any of the languages! :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

I think it makes them think I'd like it and like it makes me feel comfy that they are speaking my language. I don't mind. It's kind of endearing. Especially when it's really bad Spanish. :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> I never understood that, lol! To me it is like getting a Japanese "symbol" tattoo: why? I have never seen a Japanese person walking around with the english word for water, flower or anything else tattooed on them. It just makes no sense to me. I know a few words of Tagalog, Japanese, Spanish and German, but not enough to converse, and damn sure not enough to sound sexy in any of the languages! :rofl:


In general I agree. I have Latin tattooed on my arm: A morte ad vitam (From death to life) below a phoenix rising from a fire, but I read Latin fluently. If a person cannot read the language at least it is probably a bad idea to get it tattooed on your body.



Jellybeans said:


> I think it makes them think I'd like it and like it makes me feel comfy that they are speaking my language. I don't mind. It's kind of endearing. Especially when it's really bad Spanish. :rofl:


When I said I get to practice Spanish I didn't mean while having sex... She sends me Spanish songs to listen to, usually sappy ones, and texts half in Spanish, especially if I respond to her in her language. I'm actually going through a crash course as well to remember some of the verb tenses. Its coming back very, very quickly. Almost like riding a bike but more rusty...you don't completely forget.

I just think it is respectful for me to use Spanish. She learned my language from complete scratch when she came here by watching television and just trying (no formal training). I think a person who can do that is super smart.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Arendt said:


> In general I agree. I have Latin tattooed on my arm: A* morte ad vitam (From death to life) below a phoenix rising from a fire,* but I read Latin fluently. If a person cannot read the language at least it is probably a bad idea to get it tattooed on your body.


I love this! I have a phoenix on my back. No wording, tho. I would love to see a pic!


----------



## Arendt

I'll put one in my folder and let you know. I am sleeving my left arm...have to design a big piece and then it will be done. BTW: best place to get tattoos that are super good but not that expensive. Comic Cons. They have some of the best artists in the world at those things doing tattoos for only about $150/hour. Seriously, the people on Epic Ink, the new tattoo show, all do the comic con rounds. And they are stellar artists. I can't wait till next May: Comic Con Chicago (C2E2)....definitely finishing up my arm then. 

I want to do my right arm in a Koi swimming upstream and turning into a dragon (dragons are koi that overcome their obstacles in eastern mythology).


----------



## moxy

I love hearing other languages and accents in my bed -- not people doing impressions, but authentic ones. The better to say naughty things with, my dear. I'm guilty of wanting to hear stuff in other languages in the dark. I'm surprised how often I get called all kinds of things, including "Mami". At the moment, I'm not getting called anything because Guy and I are on the outs again -- or, he's too busy with other stuff to think about me. Unfortunately, I'm in the mood for some attention and getting restless.

Today, I was in line at a coffee shop on campus. Ahead of me, a guy was chatting with a group of women about some video on his phone. I happened to notice his incredibly nice as-. Couldn't help it. Fleeting thought. I turned away and eventually ordered something and then thought about my agenda for the day. While I leaned against the wall, waiting for my coffee and thinking about my to do list, the same guy came up to me and smiled -- and, dam-, he was actually really attractive. He pulled up whatever video it was on his phone (a rather amusing prank and people's reactions to the prank), put his arm around me, and said, "you've gotta see this" and started chatting about the video he was holding up for me to watch with him. I totally froze. Hot guy, randomly and surprisingly intimate, and I thought...holy hell, this is probably a student (a grad student, is my guess, and not one of mine) and I need to walk away like now. Thankfully, the barrista called my name. While extricating myself, I informed him that enjoyed his video (in an overly formal voice), wished him a good day of enjoying internet humor, and headed off to my lecture. I certainly don't need that kind of trouble, but it feels nice to be acknowledged. And, this, after some out of the blue hallway flirtation from another prof in a different department on my way to the coffee shop (I can never tell if he is asking me out or just generically asking me about my plans). I guess I am rockin this red lipstick, today.


----------



## ne9907

Because I have the sexiest accent evah, I do not care to hear any other accents. To be frank, I do not like when guys who do not speak spanish, try to woo me by speaking Spanish. It has become mundane and annoying because plenty of men have tried this on me.... I am soooooo over that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fireman has a tattoo of a Chinese character on his upper right arm, which he says means "excellence" or something along those lines. He doesn't speak a lick of Chinese.

I'll give him a pass. He got the tattoo when he was a 15-years-old stoner rocking white boy dreads. He's definitely not that guy anymore.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh I am a sucker for accents. My ex has a really nice one. Sometimes when we'd argue I'd be speaking my language and he'd be speaking his. Then hot sex. Memories. Lol.

Ok now I need to start fantasizing something else.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Fireman has a tattoo of a Chinese character on his upper right arm, which he says means "excellence" or something along those lines. He doesn't speak a lick of Chinese.
> 
> I'll give him a pass. He got the tattoo when he was a 15-years-old stoner rocking white boy dreads. He's definitely not that guy anymore.



I like tattoos. I have four. Sadly, just one has meaning.

I like when men have tattoos, they are sexy! Except for when they have their ex's name tattoed anywhere on their body!!

Gosh... I am in a weird, crazy mood today. I so wanna pick a fight with anyone!


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Because I have the sexiest accent evah, I do not care to hear any other accents. To be frank, I do not like when guys who do not speak spanish, try to woo me by speaking Spanish. It has become mundane and annoying because plenty of men have tried this on me.... I am soooooo over that.


What if the guy sings this to you?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38SOVLVOhkQ



FeministInPink said:


> Fireman has a tattoo of a Chinese character on his upper right arm, which he says means "excellence" or something along those lines. He doesn't speak a lick of Chinese.
> 
> I'll give him a pass. He got the tattoo when he was a 15-years-old stoner rocking white boy dreads. He's definitely not that guy anymore.


time for a coverup!


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> What if the guy sings this to you?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38SOVLVOhkQ
> 
> 
> 
> time for a coverup!


Nope
there are far better spanish songs, this one comes to mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YmWnqetXXo

But I would be doing the singing... in a slower pace than the original song.


----------



## Arendt

That's good. Or this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUsoVlDFqZg


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> That's good. Or this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUsoVlDFqZg


I LOVE HIS SEXY ACCENT, and him but the song does nothing for me. I am not your typical Latina. I do not like merenge, or salsa, or any other type of dancing. I have two left feet.


----------



## Another Planet

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/604025/84283615.jpg

Lol good reason to break up with someone in my opinion


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/604025/84283615.jpg


WTF?
That is so random and yet so funny!!! haha


----------



## Durnik

One of my favorite things about my acting is the accents - I took to them like a duck to water, and took five semesters in voice. Russian, Irish, English, Southern... so much fun.

Right now my show's set in the south, so everything is in that slow... rich... relaxed drawl that jus' kinda slides outta your mouth without even needin' to move yer lips hardly at'all. You c'n just feel the heat and humidity of the south weighin' on you and urgin' you to pull up a chair an' a glass o' sweet tea and sit a spell... at least until supper's ready...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Durnik said:


> One of my favorite things about my acting is the accents - I took to them like a duck to water, and took five semesters in voice. Russian, Irish, English, Southern... so much fun.
> 
> Right now my show's set in the south, so everything is in that slow... rich... relaxed drawl that jus' kinda slides outta your mouth without even needin' to move yer lips hardly at'all. You c'n just feel the heat and humidity of the south weighin' on you and urgin' you to pull up a chair an' a glass o' sweet tea and sit a spell... at least until supper's ready...


Southern drawl is my absolute favorite accent!  Add in some dimples to that, and I am DONE!


----------



## ne9907

Speaking of handling a fork overhanded ( I do this sometimes to annoy people)

How do I get over the familiarity phase? As if when you are seeing someone, and enjoy spending time with them, but you become comfortable around them. Too comfortable for comfort. It scares me. What is keeping me grounded is knowing he is leaving soon.... but it is very scary.

Do any of you have this problem? Do any of you fear comfort and familiarity???


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I like tattoos. I have four. Sadly, just one has meaning.
> *
> I like when men have tattoos, they are sexy!* Except for when they have their ex's name tattoed anywhere on their body!!
> 
> Gosh... I am in a weird, crazy mood today. I so wanna pick a fight with anyone!


I think they're mad sexy, but I didn't realize I did until now... Fireman's the first guy I've dated with tattoos.

He has a barbed-vine type of thing around his left bicep. He got that one when he was 17.



Arendt said:


> time for a coverup!


Nope! It's part of who he is, and I don't want to change him. And like I said, the tattoos are sexy. I think it's a bad-boy thing.


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> What if the guy sings this to you?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38SOVLVOhkQ


See, I like Enrique. 

But he has NOTHING on his father vocally. Julio Iglesias singing voice = automatic panty drop for me.

Omgggggggggggggggggg. :smthumbup:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rKg7873xms

My mom used to play his music all the time in the house when I was growing up and methinks I may very well be the product her and my dad getting down to one of his albums. 

They used to alternate Julio, Barry White and Marvin Gaye on the record player. Pervy old people! LOL


----------



## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> See, I like Enrique.
> 
> But he has NOTHING on his father vocally.


:iagree:

E


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Nope
> there are far better spanish songs, this one comes to mind
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YmWnqetXXo
> 
> But I would be doing the singing... in a slower pace than the original song.


How about if one dances like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg99DsuYvyM


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> How about if one dances like this:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg99DsuYvyM


:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

What I find annoying about being half Mexican is looking exotic. The Spanish thing too cuz I can't speak it, but being told how beautiful I am every 20 min gets old fast.

I know I look exotic, but that's not who I am. Just feel guys are only interested in my looks most of the time. You know that one Mexican friend who looks Asian? That's me.. Lol 

I know I'm not ugly, I don't need guys to tell me that.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> WTF?
> That is so random and yet so funny!!! haha


lol I know I was reading a list of 23 of the shallowist and hilarious excuses to break up with people...I'll try to find it again...link below

23 Shallow And Hilarious Reasons For Breaking Up - Gallery


----------



## Another Planet

Funny reading you guys talking about accents...
Honestly I don't really get turned on by things like that. Exotic things and what not, those seem to be more like infatuations and nothing that would last. Like it would just grow old after a while and the effect would just wear off. 

You know what I am attracted to? Honesty, integrity, confidence...I love all types of women...all you have to do is fckn treat me right, that's all I really ask for.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> lol I know I was reading a list of 23 of the shallowist and hilarious excuses to break up with people...I'll try to find it again...link below
> 
> 23 Shallow And Hilarious Reasons For Breaking Up - Gallery


I read these somewhere on a different site, where they were referred to as "George Costanza-esque reasons for breaking up with someone."


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Funny reading you guys talking about accents...
> Honestly I don't really get turned on by things like that. Exotic things and what not, those seem to be more like infatuations and nothing that would last. Like it would just grow old after a while and the effect would just wear off.
> 
> You know what I am attracted to? *Honestly, integrity, confidence...*I love all types of women...all you have to do is fckn treat me right, that's all I really ask for.


:iagree:


----------



## Arendt

Another Planet said:


> Funny reading you guys talking about accents...
> Honestly I don't really get turned on by things like that. Exotic things and what not, those seem to be more like infatuations and nothing that would last. Like it would just grow old after a while and the effect would just wear off.
> 
> You know what I am attracted to? Honestly, integrity, confidence...I love all types of women...all you have to do is fckn treat me right, that's all I really ask for.


yeah I pretty much agree. However, I think one accent would be a hindrance to me on the dating scene: I would not date a woman with a southern accent. Uh oh...


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> yeah I pretty much agree. However, I think one accent would be a hindrance to me on the dating scene: I would not date a woman with a southern accent. Uh oh...


My cousin just got married to a southern peach, she is incredibly sweet, and has that southern drawl. I like it but it would just be like icing on the cake, not a deal breaker or maker.

I don't know...you guys know what I look like, nothing exotic about me I'm a suburban white boy lol, I've been called a pretty boy a lot of my life though. I get enough attention so can't complain.


----------



## Arendt

Another Planet said:


> My cousin just got married to a southern peach, she is incredibly sweet, and has that southern drawl. I like it but it would just be like icing on the cake, not a deal breaker or maker.
> 
> I don't know...you guys know what I look like, nothing exotic about me I'm a suburban white boy lol, I've been called a pretty boy a lot of my life though. I get enough attention so can't complain.


I should be careful with my statements. Basically I am willing to work at anything for a good person. A thick southern drawl would be an initial obstacle but if the lady had an electric personality that drew me in...no problem.

Hell, I said I wouldn't date a woman with children...she must know spells I am unable to resist.


----------



## moxy

Durnik said:


> Right now my show's set in the south, so everything is in that slow... rich... relaxed drawl that jus' kinda slides outta your mouth without even needin' to move yer lips hardly at'all. You c'n just feel the heat and humidity of the south weighin' on you and urgin' you to pull up a chair an' a glass o' sweet tea and sit a spell... at least until supper's ready...



Marvelous description!!! In Texas, a lot of men talk just that way. I didn't realize how sexy it was until I moved back here.


----------



## firebelly1

New dating app:

Artist Makes a Feminist Dating App and Calls It Siren by Jen Graves - Seattle Features - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Need some advice guys.
> 
> I'm still seeing Syrian. Our relationship is steady and good. The sex is great and we're becoming closer all the time.
> 
> Problem is her cat. Edgar. He's a big tabby....and he hates me.
> 
> No, I mean he really, really hates me. Hisses and swats at me any time I come near him. He doesn't like me getting near Syrian. He growls and tries to star me down when Syrian and is are sitting on her couch. Syrians living room is his domain and it's like he won't tolerate me being in there with her.
> 
> Any suggestions on how I can smoke the peace pipe with this gato?


FYI - I'm basically the cat whisperer. Not necessarily something I am proud of. 

First off - get one of these:
Cat Dancer

And some of this:
Bonito Flakes

When you see SOB Cat, you can acknowledge him with a soothing sound like tongue clucking, but don't bother trying to pet or touch him. 

Set the timer on your cell phone for about 3-5 minutes. Bust out the cat dancer and get him to play. After the time goes off, reward him with some bonito flakes. You can start off putting them in a little pile on the ground and eventually move to a cupped hand. 

I guarantee he'll be way too fond of you in no time. 

Side note: Make sure you set your cell phone timer to a tone that is not your ring or text tone, otherwise that kitty will be all up on you every time you get a phone call. :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> FYI - I'm basically the cat whisperer. Not necessarily something I am proud of.
> 
> First off - get one of these:
> Cat Dancer
> 
> And some of this:
> Bonito Flakes
> 
> When you see SOB Cat, you can acknowledge him with a soothing sound like tongue clucking, but don't bother trying to pet or touch him.
> 
> Set the timer on your cell phone for about 3-5 minutes. Bust out the cat dancer and get him to play. After the time goes off, reward him with some bonito flakes. You can start off putting them in a little pile on the ground and eventually move to a cupped hand.
> 
> I guarantee he'll be way too fond of you in no time.
> 
> Side note: Make sure you set your cell phone timer to a tone that is not your ring or text tone, otherwise that kitty will be all up on you every time you get a phone call. :rofl:


Hey , maybe l've missed my calling.
l whisper stuff to my d's cat like - fk of Max , he loves it. :smthumbup:


----------



## bravenewworld

Another date tonight with 10 year younger guy. All of my friends are joking that I'm a "cougar." Not sure how I feel about that....am I becoming Blanche from the Golden Girls?! 

I really like him and overall he doesn't feel younger, except for little things like mannerisms sometimes and stuff like that. He was in the military for several years so maybe that's part of the reason he's more mature. 

Really thinking I like those "He's Just Not That Into You" books by Greg Bernhardt. Was supposed to go out on a date with another guy a few days ago....but he seemed kind of weird about planning a time/activity and then I found out earlier that day he'd done the activity we talked about doing, but didn't invite me. So I was a little pissy when he started up with the "hmm I have no clue what we could do tonight." 

I made it easy for him - I cancelled.


----------



## whitehawk

Take it from me , stalling , excuses, putting it off , disappearing , especially if it's more than once or twice , he's not into you .Unfortunately l'm becoming the master at this and yet again right as we speak and not with just one but two - again . l want a rest :rofl:
The thing is l've been seeing T and enough to know maybe it isn't anything too serious . But hey l do really enjoy hanging out with her and maybe with time , l sure like her a lot .
But they always wanna advance it and move things along and that's where it gets tricky. l don't wanna do that but l'm really happy with things just casual for awhile .
Andeither not intoyou or lets just take it a bit easy , is where a guy will do that stuff. But if it's let just take it a bit easy, he'd probably explain it's that .
So l don't really wanna give it the A , but l do just wanna keep it as is for longer.
But l've already explained that to her and she says she's ok wth it but then a wk later , more advancing things along . So l tend to stall and just do stuff when l'm ready.

Then l have this other one. She isn't for me relationship wise but l do really enjoy her as a friend and we talk and text quite a bit. She knows about T and l've told her 3 or 4 times when convos start getting too personal, that l have to stop it right there , l'm seeing T and l don't wanna be talking like that to someone else . She says oh yeah yeah that's cool l get that , but then it starts again a few days later.
And she's always pushing me to come over , come over , coffee , this that. She even sends maps of coffee shops we can meet at when l'm going through for work sometimes.
We've already met a few times and l told her day one just friends but l do reallly our friendship but l can't really be meeting up all the time.
But the invites and way too personal or sex talk stuff just keeps on coming so again l stall and put off, steer around them , trying not to have to repeat stuff yet again.

Real shame , great girl , great friend , but even if l wasn't with T l still wouldn't wanna be talking on that level with her all the time. l just wish people could chill .


----------



## whitehawk

l don't really want the FB thing but say for example with T , we do get along really well and she's great fun , great in the sack , who knows it might grow , l could even be blocking subconsciously . But the pushing makes you back away and forces you for answers you haven't got yet you know . 

Like l don't wanna leave it that's for sure but she doesn't seem to wanna just cruise for awhile , even though she says that's cool with her.
She even says she never wants to get married again . So why the push push ?


----------



## whitehawk

Strange how the girls always wanna move it along or else it's outa there .
There's no logic in it bc like say T , she's been single 10yrs bc of her kids right and she just hasn't met anyone that's clicked, so wtf diff is a few mths gonna make or to go racing back to that . l mean 10yrs and no one , not like a few mths is gonna make any diff.
And you come across this a lot in the girls.
The other ones been single 5yrs. She's not even divorced yet anyway yet push push.

l don't get it .


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Strange how the girls always wanna move it along or else it's outa there .
> There's no logic in it bc like say T , she's been single 10yrs bc of her kids right and she just hasn't met anyone that's clicked, so wtf diff is a few mths gonna make or to go racing back to that . l mean 10yrs and no one , not like a few mths is gonna make any diff.
> And you come across this a lot in the girls.
> The other ones been single 5yrs. She's not even divorced yet anyway yet push push.
> 
> l don't get it .


I am total opposite and find guys are the ones that push push push


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I am total opposite and find guys are the ones that push push push



I fall for the dudes that push the envelope way too much at the start and then get really distant. Yeah, I'm a mess. Confusing my heart seems to be a good way to get me to chase. Funny, though, I'd probably shy away from a guy that tried to push things into serious territory instead of being elusive. I only seem to be meeting guys that want to hook up too soon, so I guess I'm putting the wrong energy out there.


----------



## RandomDude

Ah! The push n pull game! A little chase is to be encouraged!


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> I am total opposite and find guys are the ones that push push push



Yeah right. See although l hear a lot about the other side , l do't really bother with it so probably pretty unaware really.
Anyway vi , wish l could just meet your way then and everything would be great for now .l'll send u T's number , you guys have gotta talk :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I fall for the dudes that push the envelope way too much at the start and then get really distant. Yeah, I'm a mess. Confusing my heart seems to be a good way to get me to chase. Funny, though, I'd probably shy away from a guy that tried to push things into serious territory instead of being elusive. I only seem to be meeting guys that want to hook up too soon, so I guess I'm putting the wrong energy out there.


lf they do that then go distant , it's not what they thought and they're on their way out - or they've had their sex and now they're on their way out.
Think it's a confusing buso on both sides of the fence mox


----------



## whitehawk

T wants it more , l do get that. l'm the only guy she's met that clicks l get that too . l do really really like her , heaps , she's an absolute pleasure to be around . lf she could just take it slow though and cruise for 6 or 12mths .

Like she keeps wanting me and d to stay for tea for example. Well you might'e read our first suppose to be date a few wks back, sneaking of and while the girls did their thing supposedly not thinking anything of it.
Well they did , they smelt a rat in a second and wouldn't leave us alone . We can't have tea and nights around them yet and stuff like that , they know it's more, it's too soon. lf they don't see us together anymore they'll forget about it , maybe haha.


----------



## poppyseed

whitehawk said:


> Strange how the girls always wanna move it along or else it's outa there .
> There's no logic in it bc like say T , she's been single 10yrs bc of her kids right and she just hasn't met anyone that's clicked, so wtf diff is a few mths gonna make or to go racing back to that . l mean 10yrs and no one , not like a few mths is gonna make any diff.
> And you come across this a lot in the girls.
> The other ones been single 5yrs. She's not even divorced yet anyway yet push push.
> 
> l don't get it .


They just want to get laid, to test drive, so to speak. Nothing deep................................:scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Sometimes l guess , if l'm not into them but then if they haven't been in yrs anyway well !
The friend of mine , she knows l'm not laying her. Ps , actually , maybe she's thinking l might if she can get me back over there so she keeps pushing that :rofl:
T , we've been laying for wks :rofl:

l think l do get T's thing though. Like she's been single a long time and now us , l can understand her wanting to get our life started l guess and somehow she sorta thinks it'd be great for the kids to where as
l see that a bit differently as in they'll get attached soif it didn't work out . l guess she's a lot surer about it working out than l am .


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> But l've already explained that to her and she says she's ok wth it but then a wk later , more advancing things along . So l tend to stall and just do stuff when l'm ready.


Perhaps you need to be clearer. "I am not looking for anything serious right now. I want to just hang out for now." Be firm. 

If the pace makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you should reconsider hanging out with her at all.



whitehawk said:


> Strange how the girls always wanna move it along or else it's outa there


Well the natural progression of most romantic relationships is to move forward. It's not that strange. If you are seeing someone and sleeping with them , eventually one or both are going to get feelings and want to take it to a relationship level. It ain't rocket science. This is why most FWBs ultimately do NOT work long-term. 

And if someone wants to move forward and you don't, that just means you aren't compatible/don't have good timing with them. And that's fine. Not everyone is going the same pace. Just got to find someone who is more on your page.


----------



## Another Planet

I'm with JB. If you aren't happy with the relationship then its not for you. Why try to make it something it is not, it will just fail sooner or later anyway. Just be clear with her on your intentions and be confident that is what you want, if you aren't really sure what you want then it sounds like maybe you need to spend some time reflecting and analyzing what it is you actually are looking for out of a relationship before you lead anymore women on.


----------



## bandit.45

That's it. 


The war is on. 


I'm gonna kill that fvcking cat.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Ah! The push n pull game! A little chase is to be encouraged!


Please expand. How can one tell whether one is supposed to chase or give space? Or, is exposing the other's vulnerability the point? (I'm being sincere, not snarky.)



whitehawk said:


> lf they do that then go distant , it's not what they thought and they're on their way out - or they've had their sex and now they're on their way out.
> Think it's a confusing buso on both sides of the fence mox


I agree. However, I tend to find myself in this dynamic even when I'm involved with someone for many years. I can see the value in determining whether someone is or isn't "that into you", but I don't think it's like an on-off switch. I think that when a man demonstrates waning availability after having been vulnerable and available, it tends to draw me in more than consistent availability does. This troubles me because it's dysfunctional, but I'm noticing that there is a pattern. To be fair, my impulse to chase or be interested isn't one I act on; if a guy isn't reaching out to me, I'm not going to pester him to find out what's up and sometimes, that comes across as cold and detached (especially if I am the one that caused him to want distance and am being oblivious of my actions), though I don't mean it to.



poppyseed said:


> They just want to get laid, to test drive, so to speak. Nothing deep................................:scratchhead:


I suspect that we all have occasional moods in which we want the fun without the complications -- even within the longer relationships. Do you agree?


----------



## ne9907

TMI TMI TMI incomming.... stop reading if you squimish.

I found out somehting about my body I did not know. I had a tampon on last night, but was still able to get extremely wet. I thought my tampon was malfunctioning because I was soaked, but it wasnt just clear.... 

Becoming physically aroused while wearing a tampon had NEVER ever happened to me before. Good night of beer, pizza, football, and play.

That is all.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I'm with JB. If you aren't happy with the relationship then its not for you. Why try to make it something it is not, it will just fail sooner or later anyway. Just be clear with her on your intentions and be confident that is what you want, if you aren't really sure what you want then it sounds like maybe you need to spend some time reflecting and analyzing what it is you actually are looking for out of a relationship before you lead anymore women on.



Yeah but jbs talking mths . I've only been seeing T 3wks . And most date site chicks , Christ you've met each other once and it's like ok wammo . Yet they've even often actually specifically said on their profile page they wanna take things very slowly .
Remember when you met your gf , you didn't have a clue for at least a few mths.
remember all the stuff about that party and her kids .
Well same deal here , 3 wks , l can't go spending nights over there with the kids yet.

l really really like her , l miss her , love being round her but hey , only 3wks , that's all l can say right now .
Gotta be careful of the honeymoon period remember , we're always preaching that round here .


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> Perhaps you need to be clearer. "I am not looking for anything serious right now. I want to just hang out for now." Be firm.
> 
> But JB ,, you can't have answers in two 1 or 2 dates . Well actually yes you do sometimes for sure and l'm outa there. But sometimes the lines are a bit blurrier than one or two date yeah ?
> 
> T , hell we've only been seeing each other 3wks, we spend heaps of time together , But only 3 wks , that's as much as anyone can say in only 3wks after just going through a divorce especially. Or as l just said to AP.
> Remember how he was , what about bandi, he wanted out then in then out and now in but that's all taken 6mths you know so 3wks :scratchhead:
> 
> Anyway . l have been solid about everything but she gives it a bit of a snow job the little rascal and says things like oh , l'm only talking teas with the family bla bla. But it's more than that and my d's involved , her kids, too soon.


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> That's it.
> 
> 
> The war is on.
> 
> 
> I'm gonna kill that fvcking cat.


?????

We need a disclaimer on that post.....no animals were harmed in the creating of this thread. :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Please expand. How can one tell whether one is supposed to chase or give space? Or, is exposing the other's vulnerability the point? (I'm being sincere, not snarky.)
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. However, I tend to find myself in this dynamic even when I'm involved with someone for many years. I can see the value in determining whether someone is or isn't "that into you", but I don't think it's like an on-off switch. I think that when a man demonstrates waning availability after having been vulnerable and available, it tends to draw me in more than consistent availability does. This troubles me because it's dysfunctional, but I'm noticing that there is a pattern. To be fair, my impulse to chase or be interested isn't one I act on; if a guy isn't reaching out to me, I'm not going to pester him to find out what's up and sometimes, that comes across as cold and detached (especially if I am the one that caused him to want distance and am being oblivious of my actions), though I don't mean it to.
> 
> 
> l know mox , l see that with you all the time. See it with a lot of women actually.
> l think with you though personally , l can see how it comes about.
> Now don't take offense at this ok it's not being picky or anything , just an observation.
> But l think your mind , personality , actions, probably move at 3x the pace of most guys, so this stuff is happens a lot .
> 
> So in your particular case , you really need someone something like yourself that runs at your speed. Yet it sounds like you hang with much slower personalities , movers , intellect.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I'm with JB. If you aren't happy with the relationship then its not for you. Why try to make it something it is not, it will just fail sooner or later anyway. Just be clear with her on your intentions and be confident that is what you want, if you aren't really sure what you want then it sounds like maybe you need to spend some time reflecting and analyzing what it is you actually are looking for out of a relationship before you lead anymore women on.


Excellent advice. :iagree:



ne9907 said:


> Becoming physically aroused while wearing a tampon had NEVER ever happened to me before.


It's probably happened all the time, you just never noticed. It's totally normal to get wet/aroused while on your period. In fact, I tend to be even hornier when I am on mine. 



whitehawk said:


> But JB ,, you can't have answers in two 1 or 2 dates . Well actually yes you do sometimes for sure and l'm outa there. But sometimes the lines are a bit blurrier than one or two date yeah ?


True. But if you are still feel lukewarm about someone and/or just not wanting to go fast, you need to tell them. You said yourself you actually do know for sure...so be honest. If it's something where you want to go slower, tell them. I personally would be freaked out if after 1 or 2 dates someone was moving too fast/wanting to get married. I don't like that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Yeah but jbs talking mths . I've only been seeing T 3wks . And most date site chicks , Christ you've met each other once and it's like ok wammo . Yet they've even often actually specifically said on their profile page they wanna take things very slowly .
> Remember when you met your gf , you didn't have a clue for at least a few mths.
> remember all the stuff about that party and her kids .
> Well same deal here , 3 wks , l can't go spending nights over there with the kids yet.
> 
> l really really like her , l miss her , love being round her but hey , only 3wks , that's all l can say right now .
> *Gotta be careful of the honeymoon period remember , we're always preaching that round here *.


Yeah, God forbid we just get to enjoy something new and exciting!  

WH, if you feel she is pushing too much too soon, then open your mouth and say something. I just went through this with the guy I have been seeing...he needed snail's pace, while I am barreling along like freight train instead! But I really like him and want to be with him, so I have backed off. I needed to respect his need to slow down. She has no way to know if you dont speak up! 

I dont think that you have a clue as to what you really want at this point. Just my personal observation. Your posts are all over the place when it comes to women. This one that you are seeing now sounds like something good, so stop freaking out, make your needs known, and allow yourself to enjoy it!


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> True. But if you are still feel lukewarm about someone and/or just not wanting to go fast, you need to tell them. You said yourself you actually do know for sure...so be honest. If it's something where you want to go slower, tell them. I personally would be freaked out if after 1 or 2 dates someone was moving too fast/wanting to get married. I don't like that.


Freaked out is an understatement. If someone talked about marriage after two dates, I'd throw down a smoke bomb and run for my waiting helicopter.


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> ?????
> 
> We need a disclaimer on that post.....no animals were harmed in the creating of this thread. :rofl:


Not literally. But he is going to pay. 

Fvcker sprayed my brand new Nike running shoes. Brand fvcking new. 

I think he does see Syrian as his female. I'm the competition. Should I throw a pillow case over him and piss on him?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Not literally. But he is going to pay.
> 
> Fvcker sprayed my brand new Nike running shoes. Brand fvcking new.
> 
> I think he does see Syrian as his female. I'm the competition. Should I throw a pillow case over him and piss on him?


THIS is why you neuter the little fvckers! Tell her those things need to go NOW.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> TMI TMI TMI incomming.... stop reading if you squimish.
> 
> I found out somehting about my body I did not know. I had a tampon on last night, but was still able to get extremely wet. I thought my tampon was malfunctioning because I was soaked, but it wasnt just clear....
> 
> Becoming physically aroused while wearing a tampon had NEVER ever happened to me before. Good night of beer, pizza, football, and play.
> 
> That is all.


My ex used to get horny as he'll during her periods. She sometimes couldn't wait to get to the end of one. She would come home with a couple bottles of Massengil douche l and I knew she'd be jumping me that night.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> THIS is why you neuter the little fvckers! Tell her those things need to go NOW.


Hon, I offered to pay for it!!! 

She's setting it up for next week. 

But I still want revenge. Anyone know how to get that cat urine/ammonia smell out of running shoes?


----------



## whitehawk

Well , yeah with T , true l did say that umm , yesterdays thought :scratchhead: Today oh Jesus all sorts of things messing with your head so early on after all my crap.

But l always do tell them , T and me have talked heaps about it all.
And that friend , you might've read l 've told her point blank l'm not into her but l do enjoy friends, told her a few times.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Hon, I offered to pay for it!!!
> 
> She's setting it up for next week.
> 
> But I still want revenge. Anyone know how to get that cat urine/ammonia smell out of running shoes?



Ahh , women love saying that , men pay back and all :rofl:
Take him out and show him the desert sights , much cheaper. He can do his thing and make lots of other little monsters :rofl:
And think of the weight he'll lose , out there having to actually do something for his dinner 

ps , when my dog slips up l pour a bit of dish liquid onto it, it disappears and l know it's clean again.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Freaked out is an understatement. If someone talked about marriage after two dates, I'd throw down a smoke bomb and run for my waiting helicopter.


So would l but none of mine have talked about marriage after 2 dates. Not sure whos that was


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> TMI TMI TMI incomming.... stop reading if you squimish.
> 
> I found out somehting about my body I did not know. I had a tampon on last night, but was still able to get extremely wet. I thought my tampon was malfunctioning because I was soaked, but it wasnt just clear....
> 
> Becoming physically aroused while wearing a tampon had NEVER ever happened to me before. Good night of beer, pizza, football, and play.
> 
> That is all.
> 
> 
> 
> My ex used to get horny as he'll during her periods. She sometimes couldn't wait to get to the end of one. She would come home with a couple bottles of Massengil douche l and I knew she'd be jumping me that night.
Click to expand...

Shower sex. Get clean while getting some


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> My ex used to get horny as he'll during her periods. She sometimes couldn't wait to get to the end of one. She would come home with a couple bottles of Massengil douche l and I knew she'd be jumping me that night.


Sometimes my period lasts longer than a week. There's NO WAY I'm waiting a whole week for sex if I'm in a relationship. I'm normally an every day kind of gal.

I once dated a guy who preferred it when I was on my period...


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Sometimes my period lasts longer than a week. There's NO WAY I'm waiting a whole week for sex if I'm in a relationship. I'm normally an every day kind of gal.
> 
> I once dated a guy who preferred it when I was on my period...


Oooooh. That's kinda nasty. He was freak huh?


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Sometimes my period lasts longer than a week. There's NO WAY I'm waiting a whole week for sex if I'm in a relationship. I'm normally an every day kind of gal.
> 
> I once dated a guy who preferred it when I was on my period...


I felt awkward because blue and I are not in a relationship. But we had a great time, he was actually very tender for the entire evening. I must be because we both know he is leaving, kind of like hysterical bonding (?)


----------



## Arendt

bandit.45 said:


> Not literally. But he is going to pay.
> 
> Fvcker sprayed my brand new Nike running shoes. Brand fvcking new.
> 
> I think he does see Syrian as his female. I'm the competition. Should I throw a pillow case over him and piss on him?


Get him neutered and a lot of the aggression and spraying will stop. If you punish him for being a cat, what does that solve? Your gF just needs to take care of the neutering and things will clam down a lot right there. his hormones won't be ramped up. And Feliway works wonders for cats.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Oooooh. That's kinda nasty. He was freak huh?


He kind of was, be he was also kind of amazing in bed. So if he liked it, I wasn't going to complain.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> He kind of was, be he was also kind of amazing in bed. So if he liked it, I wasn't going to complain.


Just as long as you don't tell us he tried to go down on you while you were bleeding...that would be really disgusting...:rofl: My mind is probably working too hard and I need to stop thinking...gross...

I don't mind sex while a woman is on her period...I just hate ruining expensive sheets.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Just as long as you don't tell us he tried to go down on you while you were bleeding...that would be really disgusting...:rofl: My mind is probably working too hard and I need to stop thinking...gross...
> 
> I don't mind sex while a woman is on her period...I just hate ruining expensive sheets.


Um... he did. He LOVED IT.

I would never expect any man to do that, and it totally took me by surprise. But I'm GGG, so I was like, go for it, dude, I'm not gonna stop you.

Sorry for grossing you all out.


----------



## Twistedheart

That's what dark colored towels are for...


----------



## FeministInPink

Twistedheart said:


> That's what dark colored towels are for...


Yup!


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> Um... he did. He LOVED IT.
> 
> I would never expect any man to do that, and it totally took me by surprise. But I'm GGG, so I was like, go for it, dude, I'm not gonna stop you.
> 
> Sorry for grossing you all out.


Oh wow...I am laughing so hard...Jesus...:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Oh wow...I am laughing so hard...Jesus...:rofl:


There are ALL kinds of people out there in the world... you just need someone whose kinks coincide with yours.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the birth control cutting down my periods to only a couple times a year.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ooh that's one place I can't go. I loooove when someone goes downtown but I won't allow it while on my p. Regular old sexy times, yes, but not oral.


----------



## RandomDude

Argh... brings back memories of my marriage. Choice between bloodplay licking VS PMS... bah!


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> l know mox , l see that with you all the time. See it with a lot of women actually.
> l think with you though personally , l can see how it comes about.
> Now don't take offense at this ok it's not being picky or anything , just an observation.
> But l think your mind , personality , actions, probably move at 3x the pace of most guys, so this stuff is happens a lot .
> 
> So in your particular case , you really need someone something like yourself that runs at your speed. Yet it sounds like you hang with much slower personalities , movers , intellect.


This is an interesting observation WH. I'm not offended, just thinking about it. I haven't tried to push Guy into anything serious and anytime we've had relationship-ish conversations, he's been the one to bring them up. I know he's complained before that I'm too detached and I think that I'm extremely available, but in trying to seem not-clingy, I am not really demonstrating how I actually feel, or something. I have some big feelings for him, but I do NOT let him know. It wasn't that way with my ex-h; we just destroyed each other.

I'm pretty intense. I think fast, talk fast, get things done, start stuff and leave it undone, chase my interests. I'm passionate. I don't do things half-heartedly. When I bring my energy to something, I bring all of it. I seldom find people around me who can keep up with me, in person, and when I do, we tend to exhaust each other and then retreat into introvert caves for a while. Your statement about figurative speeds is interesting. I am, lately, attracted to calmer, steadier men -- who do have way mellower personalities and mannerisms and emotional tides (well, I think Guy is more emotionally capricious than me, but steadier on all the rest of the stuff). I tend not to vocalize my feelings in person and so I know I can come across as pretty detached, too. 

I'm actually pretty good at chilling out if I know what the other person I'm with needs because I am all about modifying my expectations to suit the situation, but...Guy doesn't tell me what he needs and I'm not great at figuring it out or initiating those conversations. So, last time he acted this way, he was mad at me for leaving in the morning the way I did and he felt like I was blowing him off and not interested; I felt like I was reaching out to him a lot and showing that I wanted to see him. This time...I suppose he might feel like I'm just using him for his body, but he seemed to enjoy himself plenty and I do not understand what has set him off; of course, I can't figure it out if he isn't talking to me and I am not texting him, in case he needs space or something. I don't know. Communication problems are tough. I suppose that it doesn't matter to me what the emotional pace of my partner is, but that it matters me to me that I can understand it and then adjust my expectations accordingly; I don't have a preference for a partner matching my pace -- except that if a guy is wayyyy too aggressive, I will step back. I didn't expect to be so...shallow in my romantic life; I will put up with a lot from someone I am attracted to. I also didn't expect to find the drama alluring or interesting, but...I suspect that maybe somehow, I like it.




FeministInPink said:


> I once dated a guy who preferred it when I was on my period...


Every guy I've been with has liked that. I do prefer my men a bit freaky, though.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> But I'm GGG


OK, so what is GGG


----------



## Almostrecovered

Going going gone!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> OK, so what is GGG


It's a Dan Savage-ism:

_GGG stands for "good, giving, and game," which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think "good in bed," "giving equal time and equal pleasure," and "game for anything—within reason."_

Science proves it: Dan Savage is right - Salon.com


----------



## ne9907

So
Whenever I am in a conversation with someone in interesting or in thinking about something, I sort of squint my eyes. I do not know why I do it. It is just one of those things I do. 
Blue has been doing that, I noticed it the other day but I thought maybe it was just my imagination. But he definitely does that pretty often when he is talking with me or just looking at me. I think it is cute. 
And enough about him or I might think I am in love with him.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Arendt said:
> 
> 
> 
> Just as long as you don't tell us he tried to go down on you while you were bleeding...that would be really disgusting...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> My mind is probably working too hard and I need to stop thinking...gross...
> 
> I don't mind sex while a woman is on her period...I just hate ruining expensive sheets.
> 
> 
> 
> Um... he did. He LOVED IT.
> 
> I would never expect any man to do that, and it totally took me by surprise. But I'm GGG, so I was like, go for it, dude, I'm not gonna stop you.
> 
> Sorry for grossing you all out.
Click to expand...

Nope nope nope nope...crossing the line for me :/


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> So
> Whenever I am in a conversation with someone in interesting or in thinking about something, I sort of squint my eyes. I do not know why I do it. It is just one of those things I do.
> Blue has been doing that, I noticed it the other day but I thought maybe it was just my imagination. But he definitely does that pretty often when he is talking with me or just looking at me. I think it is cute.
> And enough about him or I might think I am in love with him.


Sounds like he's mimicking your body language.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Please expand. How can one tell whether one is supposed to chase or give space? Or, is exposing the other's vulnerability the point? (I'm being sincere, not snarky.)


Ey? Tis just instinct, and tis just like dancing! As a general rule, if they take one step back, then you can step forward sure, but if your partner takes two steps back, let them come forward before you take the step forward to chase. E.g. your partner playing hard to get maybe 'one step back', but more of an enticement to come forward. However a 'leave me alone' comment is more two steps back, and don't ever pursue until they come forward again.

If you pursue too hard then one loses the game! (And possibility LI's interest!) Also never take more than two steps forward, and if you do, take one step back to let them chase. A courtship should never be one-sided, you must let your partner respond to your moves rather than doing everything. 

Don't know how else to explain the dynamics. But I hope this makes sense, any questions?


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Tis just instinct, and tis just like dancing! As a general rule, if they take one step back, then you can step forward sure, but if your partner takes two steps back, let them come forward before you take the step forward to chase. E.g. your partner playing hard to get maybe 'one step back', but more of an enticement to come forward. However a 'leave me alone' comment is more two steps back, and don't ever pursue until they come forward again.
> 
> If you pursue too hard then one loses the game! (And possibility LI's interest!) Also never take more than two steps forward, and if you do, take one step back to let them chase. A courtship should never be one-sided, you must let your partner respond to your moves rather than doing everything.
> 
> Don't know how else to explain the dynamics. But I hope this makes sense, any questions?


My therapist explained it like a tennis match.

You serve, do not run to the other side and hit your own ball 
( i did this with ex all the fvcking time). Serve and wait for the other person to answer hit the ball to you. If you ever feel the need to run to the other side of the court, hold back and wait.


----------



## Almostrecovered

You're no pilot til you earn your wings


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Um... he did. He LOVED IT.
> 
> I would never expect any man to do that, and it totally took me by surprise. But I'm GGG, so I was like, go for it, dude, I'm not gonna stop you.
> 
> Sorry for grossing you all out.


No fvcking way!!!! :rofl:

Holy sh!t!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> No fvcking way!!!! :rofl:
> 
> Holy sh!t!!!


Fvcking WAY.


----------



## Durnik

So backstage, we've got a coed working crew who's making eyes at me - at least, I THINK she is. Most of the cast is in their 60's and up, and I'm the youngest semi-eligible (and straight - very important in theatre) guy there. I've also got the funniest role in the show, but with a nice heavy emotive scene about halfway through. We've had some conversations about her classes, I've noticed she has moved to sit near me during notes more than once, and challenged me to trying a new salad with her.

The age thing makes me feel a LITTLE weird, but I am trying to simply think of it in terms of allowing myself to enjoy interacting, practicing light flirtation, and that meeting people actually involves meeting them. 

Plus, she's cute, and her major selections are almost as bizarre as mine were!


----------



## moxy

Durnik -- sounds like an adventure. What's the harm in seeing how it goes? 



RD -- I see that you're talking about the ordinary back and forth of most relationships, but I guess that's not what I had in mind when I asked. My bad. Sometimes people like more drama and games.



WH -- It's easier to find a person who matches your pace if you and the other person are honest, vulnerable, and communicative about needs; let's be honest -- most people are not because they carry baggage of one kind of another. We don't always tell people when we need space or closeness, when we want to be committed or casual, when we feel something and when we don't. That kind of vulnerability is really difficult. While we should be that way, I think it's not always so easy to negotiate the messy interactions between each other as people.

Edit: what I said didn't sound like what I intended. Edited out some language.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> It's easier to find a person who matches your pace if you and the other person are honest, vulnerable, and communicative about needs; let's be honest -- most people are not because they carry baggage of one kind of another. We don't always tell people when we need space or closeness, when we want to be committed or casual, when we feel something and when we don't. That kind of vulnerability is really difficult. While we should be that way, I think it's not always so easy to negotiate the messy interactions between each other as people.
> .


:iagree:

:iagree:

yep yep. I like honesty. For example, last night blue thanked me (because it was my idea) for the great evening, beer, pizza, and pvssy. 
Old me would have felt cheapened. But we both know what we have, it is pretty cool, enjoyable, and playful


----------



## bravenewworld

12 hour shift at the bar. So tired. Got stuck in a traffic jam on the way home and wound up consuming a bunch of tacos while sitting on a highway that resembled a parking lot. 

Ah, the glamorous single life!


----------



## bandit.45

Beer, pizza and pvssy...

Now that's what I call a well rounded meal.

Sucks. Syrian is out of town. I get to watch Netflix alone tonight and feed that evil cat of hers tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> 12 hour shift at the bar. So tired. Got stuck in a traffic jam on the way home and wound up consuming a bunch of tacos while sitting on a highway that resembled a parking lot.
> 
> Ah, the glamorous single life!


I love tacos!!
And aren't you glad you do not a husband asking you "Do you REALLY think you should eat so many tacos?"


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Beer, pizza and pvssy...
> 
> Now that's what I call a well rounded meal.
> 
> Sucks. Syrian is out of town. I get to watch Netflix alone tonight and feed that evil cat of hers tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

watch "House of Cards"


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> yep yep. I like honesty. For example, last night blue thanked me (because it was my idea) for the great evening, beer, pizza, and pvssy.
> Old me would have felt cheapened. But we both know what we have, it is pretty cool, enjoyable, and playful


He should have thanked you - sounds like an awesome night to me! 

One thing I think divorce teaches (maybe I'm wrong) is that in life - it's the little things that matter and make it so enjoyable.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I love tacos!!
> And aren't you glad you do not a husband asking you "Do you REALLY think you should eat so many tacos?"


LOL! So true. Stuffing my face with delicious carnitas tacos while the car next to me stared on in horror (or perhaps envy?) And I also had a big ass Jamaica with crushed ice to wash it down with!


----------



## bandit.45

Ooh yeah I like House of Cards. I'm on a Doctor Who kick right now I'm ashamed to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> LOL! So true. Stuffing my face with delicious carnitas tacos while the car next to me stared on in horror (or perhaps envy?) And I also had a big ass Jamaica with crushed ice to wash it down with!


Don't eat too much of that fried pork. It's toxic ya know. I love carnitas too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Don't eat too much of that fried pork. It's toxic ya know. I love carnitas too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But it's the other white meat!

I'm on a Netflix kick too - watching The League. Basically a whole series of d!ck jokes, I love it! :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> LOL! So true. Stuffing my face with delicious carnitas tacos while the car next to me stared on in horror (or perhaps envy?) And I also had a big ass Jamaica with crushed ice to wash it down with!


Definitely Envy. I love tacos de carne asada!! Yummy!!



bandit.45 said:


> Ooh yeah I like House of Cards. I'm on a Doctor Who kick right now I'm ashamed to say.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doctor Who is my one and only boyfriend, from here till eternity (or when I die)


----------



## bandit.45

I was never a Doctor Who fan growing up. I, like a good little Yank, worshipped in the Church of Star Wars, Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica. But I like the more recent Dr. Who versions a lot. Even though the actresses aren't that hot.

Except that tall thin Scottish redhead. I'd do her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD -- I see that you're talking about the ordinary back and forth of most relationships, but I guess that's not what I had in mind when I asked. My bad. Sometimes people like more drama and games.


Tis only the "game of love" 

Annoying isn't it?


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Ooh yeah I like House of Cards. I'm on a Doctor Who kick right now I'm ashamed to say.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why? The Doctor rocks!


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> Why? The Doctor rocks!


I dunno. An American liking Doctor Who? I'm feeling like I'm betraying Leonard Nimoy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Can't sit through a Doctor Who , my minds outa there within seconds .


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Can't sit through a Doctor Who , my minds outa there within seconds .


Exactly! My ADD won't let me enjoy the old Doctor Whos from the 60s and 70s. Way too Shakespearean and slowwww. The new ones have explosions...And that hot redhead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Bandit, Doctor Who is awesome. Plenty of Whovians are on TAM.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Bandit, Doctor Who is awesome. Plenty of Whovians are on TAM.


Don't get me wrong, I think the concept of Dr Who is very interesting. But....well...why do they have to talk so much? Brits talk SO much! 

I want phaser fights and Klingons....and hot chicks running around in mini skirts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

All that talking is what I love about it.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> All that talking is what I love about it.


Ehhhhh... Blah blah blah..... World is coming to an end, we are under attack....let's discuss our feelings and talk about what we should do....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

bandit.45 said:


> But....well...why do they have to talk so much?


I like when David Tennant talks...

Ok, I like anything David Tennant does.


----------



## moxy

Matt Smith. John Barrowman. Alex Kingston. Yep. I could listen all day long.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> I like when David Tennant talks...
> 
> Ok, I like anything David Tennant does.


Back the way off woman!!!

David Tennant is MY man!


----------



## Durnik

Last night, I came across this, and it's genius:

"It's dangerous to go alone - take this!"

BEST Zelda Rap EVER!! ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEO by Joel C - Starbomb - YouTube

It's puerile and crass and I have no idea why I can't stop watching it. The song, the animation, the facial expressions and dancing... I has found a new guilty pleasure.


----------



## bandit.45

Durnik said:


> Last night, I came across this, and it's genius:
> 
> "It's dangerous to go alone - take this!"
> 
> BEST Zelda Rap EVER!! ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEO by Joel C - Starbomb - YouTube
> 
> It's puerile and crass and I have no idea why I can't stop watching it. The song, the animation, the facial expressions and dancing... I has found a new guilty pleasure.



The person who made this has way too much time on their hands.


----------



## Fenix

TooNice said:


> I like when David Tennant talks...
> 
> Ok, I like anything David Tennant does.


he's got something new coming out...an American ensemble show. Not sure what it is though.

eta; OK, it is Gracepoint; a thriller set in CA. He has an American accent in it. So not Dr. Who.


----------



## bandit.45

Another b!tch I have with Doc Who....

What the fvck is up with the vibrator aliens? Those knobby dildo looking robots with the probes coming off their heads?:scratchhead:

How are they scary? My garbage can is more menacing.


----------



## bandit.45

Fenix said:


> he's got something new coming out...an American ensemble show. Not sure what it is though.
> 
> eta; OK, it is Gracepoint; a thriller set in CA. He has an American accent in it. So not Dr. Who.


Too many Brits in Hollywood. Them and the Aussies. American actors can't get gigs anymore...except the weenies.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! You know what sucks about co-parenting? You have a constant reminder of your ex in your face every weekend. Not to mention I swear my daughter is becoming just like her mum. She's a well-behaved kid sure but the whole princess phase is starting to irritate me.

Maybe because it reminds me of my ex, as spoiled as she is/was. Meh, not that I know what to do with this, can't exactly stop her and there's nothing inherently wrong as she's a "good princess" not a "spoiled princess" (yet), still... makes me paranoid, probably because of ex.


----------



## Another Planet

I just wanted to stop in and say hi and tell you all that I absolutely love this woman. Six months today and I still can not get enough of her it makes me wonder what 6yrs would be like. I have never met someone like this and I never expected to. Just the thought of her mesmerizes me and puts a smile on my face.

We had a wedding to go to last night and she was just absolutely stunning... and of course we had to close the place down lol. Then on the way home we drove passed a local pub that I knew a buddy was playing at and I knew a couple other friends were up there so we stopped to grab a beer with the guys and chat a bit and she is so charming and fits right in with me.

Crazy I never thought it could be like this, not in my lifetime anyway. I wish all of you to be this lucky, especially with what we have all been through.
Happy Sunday all


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I just wanted to stop in and say hi and tell you all that I absolutely love this woman. Six months today and I still can not get enough of her it makes me wonder what 6yrs would be like. I have never met someone like this and I never expected to. Just the thought of her mesmerizes me and puts a smile on my face.
> 
> We had a wedding to go to last night and she was just absolutely stunning... and of course we had to close the place down lol. Then on the way home we drove passed a local pub that I knew a buddy was playing at and I knew a couple other friends were up there so we stopped to grab a beer with the guys and chat a bit and she is so charming and fits right in with me.
> 
> Crazy I never thought it could be like this, not in my lifetime anyway. I wish all of you to be this lucky, especially with what we have all been through.
> Happy Sunday all


Aww!! I am happy for you, AP!


----------



## ne9907

So very happy for you AP! Keep enjoying what life gives you


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> I just wanted to stop in and say hi and tell you all that I absolutely love this woman. Six months today and I still can not get enough of her it makes me wonder what 6yrs would be like. I have never met someone like this and I never expected to. Just the thought of her mesmerizes me and puts a smile on my face.
> 
> We had a wedding to go to last night and she was just absolutely stunning... and of course we had to close the place down lol. Then on the way home we drove passed a local pub that I knew a buddy was playing at and I knew a couple other friends were up there so we stopped to grab a beer with the guys and chat a bit and she is so charming and fits right in with me.
> 
> Crazy I never thought it could be like this, not in my lifetime anyway. I wish all of you to be this lucky, especially with what we have all been through.
> Happy Sunday all


Great to hear and good for you AP. I must say, you've come quite a long way in the short time you started chatting in this thread. (We may or may not have butted heads from time to time, eh?).

I've recently met someone and she is definitely leagues above the 7 or so past dates / online dates I've been on. While it's no doubt in the early stages, the prospect is quite invigorating and I'm enjoying it as much as I can.

Ballsed up, took a chance and it's currently paying off. :smthumbup:


----------



## Arendt

AP: great.

I went to a wedding with Guatemalan today as well. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. I do not dance. I never ever danced except slow songs before but I let go and did so today a lot. Latin music made it easier and I had a great time. 

One of the guests, a very pretty blonde brazenly asked me in front of Guatemalan if she and I were dating and I said yes. Then the woman persisted..." But you are not married right? So you are single?" I said excuse me and Guatemalan and I went outside for a breather. The woman was not joking. Wow. G. took it well and was classy. She said a remark to the woman but nothing aggressive or too over the top.

Last night Guatemalan went with me and a friend and his gf from my phd program. We had fun...she held her own but it was a very new thing for her to be surrounded by highly educated and intellectual ppl. She did well and adjusted.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Bah! You know what sucks about co-parenting? You have a constant reminder of your ex in your face every weekend. Not to mention I swear my daughter is becoming just like her mum. She's a well-behaved kid sure but the whole princess phase is starting to irritate me.
> 
> 
> Ah yeah it's damn hard [email protected] rd don't l know it . l feel like l've lost my side of her upbringing sometimes and some things have been hard to see and to figure out how to get the balance plenty l can tell ya, But l keep getting more and more creative on that front with the time we have and l'm pretty pleased these days. Keep trying and hang in there .
> But funny , it's ex's face l'm in bc d is much more like me than ex and l hear about it at least a few times a wk from ex lately. Quiet chuckle :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Quiet chuckle and l joke to myself ah hu , see you can run but you can't hide


----------



## RandomDude

Daughter used to follow after me too, but since seperation she's shifted to mum's influence. I play along with it as I figure it's a phase but meh now I dunno. She used to be my little warrior! Now she's ex's little princess! Bah!

Maybe should start picking her up from school more often and spending more time with her instead of just the weekends. Balance it out, since ex has her 5 days a week. Takes some pressure off her as well although she has never complained.

Meh


----------



## whitehawk

Yep exactly rd , and this is why it's soooo important to keep things good between you guys.
Like ex text me this morning , d's staying home today she's been throwing up.
So l said ah right well l might drop in at lunchtime and hang out with her awhile, ex says yeah that's cool. And this sorta stuff l do all the time , more and more. D kiked me earlier to and says l'm home sick today dado can you drop in.
But it hurts like hell l'm not there for a lot of this stuff , just life you know , every day life in the same house with my girl. So l go over at lunch and we hung out , laughed , l made her some stuff , it all helps you know. Even if it only adds a few extra minutes , it all adds up.
So yep do it , you bet , Don't except this bs and start getting creative mate it all helps no end no matter how small and really makes a difference . Makes you feel a lot better to.
How many ways you got in staying in touch to btw . I set up kik , plus phone plus text, plus ex tells me everything. Plus the school p has my number and has to call me to with anything school , it all helps and adds up and gives you more in put .
And l go over anytime l want or can pick her up anytime l want and we take off somewhere .
Don't except it , just keep getting creative when things arise and add any extra in put or time or contact , anyway you can, makes a huge difference and you can be nearly as much a dad and influence as she can a mum.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah... admittedly I have neglected her abit since seperation as I was too distracted with my newfound guilty freedom as well as additional traits of insanity I picked up over the breakup of my own family.

Still, she's a very social, brave child - half the time unless we're taking her somewhere ourselves both ex and I are more like chaffeurs picking her up here, dropping her off there, picking her up again from her friends/cousins both from church and from school. Ex's extended family is also far larger than mine in this country, which may add to her influences as well. Not to mention ex's religion...

FK, it's like she's living in another world now, a world I used to be part of but since I'm no longer - I'm losing her! Not to mention mum has the house - our family home. Bah! Sometimes I also wonder if she finds time with just daddy over the weekend to be boring too although I do my best to take her anywhere she likes within reason. 

Still, she gets annoying from time to time, she can't just stay at home and when we are, she just can't be by herself and always has to annoy daddy 24/7! And I still feel guilty as fk over everything when it comes to my kid so I let her annoy daddy 24/7! 

BAH! Meh, just venting


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah , my families 3hrs away to and rarely gets up but ex's is like a bad smell and never leave.
There was stuff for 6mths or so .They just wouldn't stop coming up , staying wks, in her face . l thought in your dreams and upped my time with my d and talked to ex about it. It was insane , add ex's guilt money and giving her anything she wants for awhile there.
They all backed of once they realized l'll always be there whether they like it or fkg not.
Ex also got a bit that way ,It's pretty common with ex's but same deal , she knows now l'll never go away :smthumbup: and works with me really goos these days. But l don;t think she really meant to take over , more guilt , over doing it .
Little things like today to , d sick , l'm helping to look after her to you know , she's not just mums responsibility and those type of things , attitude , really sorta sunk in with ex over time and your girl will see them too.

Let her annoy ya mate , your gonna miss the hell out of it in a few years . That's what they do , they get bored and they annoy you :rofl: . l use to get impatient, l was always doing stuff but then l realized l was being a pretty [email protected] dad being like that  .

It's not so much the take her here there and everywhere , especially if they have her run of her feet trying to buy her off. l try not to fall into their trap of buying her and entertainment bribes.
And it works and we can hang out for wks on end together even if we're doing nothing or simple things .
She's got a 160 -70 IQ min, l dunno how they forget that she knows everything they do b4 they do it anyway and sees through them like glass. 
l hate to put it like this but you've literally gotta mark your territory with her or the ex's and rallies take over . But your d see's that to and believe me , maybe she's outgrown the worrier but she'll be your girl to again.
We were really close but then with all this , we got a bit weird for awhile , it's so hard on them. l didn't know how to handle but l think the one biggest things been reclaiming my girl no ifs or buts. The difference has been huge now that she knows l ain't going nowhere and l'll fight for her.


----------



## movealong

I asked my daughter last night if she had talked to her mom lately...she got the far away "god, how long has it been" look and said "About a week ago." I asked her if she wanted to go visit her mom next weekend and she got a kind of hurt look on her face, so I told her, "Look, I do not want to 'get rid of you' for the weekend. I want you with me all of the time, but you haven't seen your mom in a while and I thought you might want to." She kind of turned her nose up and said "No, I don't want to." I know she gets a little aggravated when I ask her about going to see her, but I feel like I should let her know it is okay with me and that I am not trying to keep her from her mom.

She also gave me quite a laugh the other day, too. We were in Walmart picking up some bathroom supplies and people-watching. As we were walking along the line of registers looking for a short line there was a very attractive woman that craned her neck around checking me out. I smiled and nodded to the woman but didn't approach her or say anything with my daughter there. I turned to look at my little girl and she was standing on her toes and craning her neck looking at the woman who was checking me out. I asked her what she was doing and without missing a beat she said "I was looking to see if she was wearing a ring." 0_0

Have I told you how much I love that kid?!?! LOL!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> I asked my daughter last night if she had talked to her mom lately...she got the far away "god, how long has it been" look and said "About a week ago." I asked her if she wanted to go visit her mom next weekend and she got a kind of hurt look on her face, so I told her, "Look, I do not want to 'get rid of you' for the weekend. I want you with me all of the time, but you haven't seen your mom in a while and I thought you might want to." She kind of turned her nose up and said "No, I don't want to." I know she gets a little aggravated when I ask her about going to see her, but I feel like I should let her know it is okay with me and that I am not trying to keep her from her mom.
> 
> *She also gave me quite a laugh the other day, too. We were in Walmart picking up some bathroom supplies and people-watching. As we were walking along the line of registers looking for a short line there was a very attractive woman that craned her neck around checking me out. I smiled and nodded to the woman but didn't approach her or say anything with my daughter there. I turned to look at my little girl and she was standing on her toes and craning her neck looking at the woman who was checking me out. I asked her what she was doing and without missing a beat she said "I was looking to see if she was wearing a ring." 0_0*
> 
> Have I told you how much I love that kid?!?! LOL!


THAT is awesome, LOL! How old is she?

You are doing good as far as the whole mom thing goes.


----------



## movealong

3Xnocharm said:


> THAT is awesome, LOL! How old is she?


She is 11. She turns 12 in December.  

She is more mature than a lot of her peers due to having 5 older siblings from our blended family; 2 sisters (24 & 16) and a brother (20) from my ex, and two brothers (24 and 21) from my first marriage. 



3Xnocharm said:


> You are doing good as far as the whole mom thing goes.


Thanks. I think it would be a beat down for me if the shoe was on the other foot. I would have to enforce at least the minimum outlined in the divorce decree, but my ex doesn't. *shrugs*


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> I asked my daughter last night if she had talked to her mom lately...she got the far away "god, how long has it been" look and said "About a week ago." I asked her if she wanted to go visit her mom next weekend and she got a kind of hurt look on her face, so I told her, "Look, I do not want to 'get rid of you' for the weekend. I want you with me all of the time, but you haven't seen your mom in a while and I thought you might want to." She kind of turned her nose up and said "No, I don't want to." I know she gets a little aggravated when I ask her about going to see her, but I feel like I should let her know it is okay with me and that I am not trying to keep her from her mom.
> 
> She also gave me quite a laugh the other day, too. We were in Walmart picking up some bathroom supplies and people-watching. As we were walking along the line of registers looking for a short line there was a very attractive woman that craned her neck around checking me out. I smiled and nodded to the woman but didn't approach her or say anything with my daughter there. I turned to look at my little girl and she was standing on her toes and craning her neck looking at the woman who was checking me out. I asked her what she was doing and without missing a beat she said "I was looking to see if she was wearing a ring." 0_0
> 
> Have I told you how much I love that kid?!?! LOL!



That's a classic move , but l'm afraid my d would probably kick her in the shins, no women's getting near me just yet without getting through her first as far as she;s concerned :rofl:.

But do you mind if l ask, what happened with her mum , that's really sad, My ex is admittedly great about me and d ,l don't think she really meant to take over , more they were spending so much more time together in very hard circumstances for d. Mind you, the in laws were a different story.


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> That's a classic move , but l'm afraid my d would probably kick her in the shins, no women's getting near me just yet without getting through her first as far as she;s concerned :rofl:.
> 
> But do you mind if l ask, what happened with her mum , that's really sad, My ex is admittedly great about me and d ,l don't think she really meant to take over , more they were spending so much more time together in very hard circumstances for d. Mind you, the in laws were a different story.


Well, she knows that any woman that wants to be with me will have to be okay with her. But, she also knows that Dad will eventually find someone and she is okay with it.

What happened with her mom? I think it is a combination of things, really. She saw me work my tail off trying to save the marriage and keep our family together while her mom sat on her backside. She saw me put her and the family first all of the time and her mom acting selfishly. She saw me own my mistakes, make amends for them, and change my behaviors while her mom didn't. She see me taking care of her and the other kids when it would have been far easier to just throw up my hands and not fight. She sees me being the mediator between the siblings and maintaining what is left of her family, and she see her mother doesn't. Basically what it comes down to, in my opinion, is that she knows Dad will be there for her and take care of her and she does not have that confidence in her mom.


----------



## ne9907

I hurt blue eyes feelings the other day by using lame ass PUA behavior (and mind games) on him. I did not know I was using them. I use sarcasm as a way to deflect emotinal intimacy.

A good friend pointed that out to me. I am trying to be better. Last night, I texted blue something playful and silly. 

I bid him good night and asked him what sort of sorcery he was using on me because I had been thinking about him a lot!
He replied with "uh oh!" which made a bit nervous so I asked him what he meant with that uh oh.
His reponse was that he did not meant to use that much sorcery.
Made me smile 

On a serious note. I have a decision to make.
He will not be moving to Hawaii, instead he is moving 2 hours away from where I am at.
Which begs the question: What is going to happen with us? WHat does he want to do? WOuld he like to continue this casual involvement? Becasue we started as casual, but I am having feelings for him and it is so freaking scary. If he wants to contine with casual, as long as we are not sleeping with anyone else, I am okay. If he wants more I need time because I am terrified. If he wants to end things, I am okay too. 

I just do not know how to express this without using any of my stupid habitual sarcasm bvllsh!t emotional mumble jumble haha!

Any suggestions?


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> On a serious note. I have a decision to make. He will not be moving to Hawaii, instead he is moving 2 hours away from where I am at. Which begs the question: What is going to happen with us? WHat does he want to do? WOuld he like to continue this casual involvement? Becasue we started as casual, but I am having feelings for him and it is so freaking scary. If he wants to contine with casual, as long as we are not sleeping with anyone else, I am okay. If he wants more I need time because I am terrified. If he wants to end things, I am okay too.
> 
> I just do not know how to express this without using any of my stupid habitual sarcasm bvllsh!t emotional mumble jumble haha!
> 
> Any suggestions?


Why not ask where he sees your relationship heading? A simple question...


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Why not ask where he sees your relationship heading? A simple question...


hmmm yes. But I want to continue this casual monogamous thing but have feelings involved. 

If I ask that question, it would seen as if I want a serious relationship. I do not want that. I do not want to meet his friends nor family. I do not want to be included in his life decisions.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I hurt blue eyes feelings the other day by using lame ass PUA behavior (and mind games) on him. I did not know I was using them. I use sarcasm as a way to deflect emotinal intimacy.
> 
> A good friend pointed that out to me. I am trying to be better. Last night, I texted blue something playful and silly.
> 
> I bid him good night and asked him what sort of sorcery he was using on me because I had been thinking about him a lot!
> He replied with "uh oh!" which made a bit nervous so I asked him what he meant with that uh oh.
> His reponse was that he did not meant to use that much sorcery.
> Made me smile
> 
> On a serious note. I have a decision to make.
> He will not be moving to Hawaii, instead he is moving 2 hours away from where I am at.
> Which begs the question: What is going to happen with us? WHat does he want to do? WOuld he like to continue this casual involvement? Becasue we started as casual, but I am having feelings for him and it is so freaking scary. *If he wants to contine with casual, as long as we are not sleeping with anyone else, I am okay. *If he wants more I need time because I am terrified. If he wants to end things, I am okay too.
> 
> I just do not know how to express this without using any of my stupid habitual sarcasm bvllsh!t emotional mumble jumble haha!
> 
> Any suggestions?


Doesn't the above bolded sort of defeat the purpose of keeping things casual? 

I'd say tell him the truth. That you are developing feelings for him. That he's the first guy you've felt this way about post-d. And that you're a little scared but curious too about where the relationship could go. Definitely talk about it in person and see what he has to say. 

It's not a bad thing to open up, to be vulnerable again. You have the strength to handle this. Opening up again and processing feelings in a healthy way is part of the healing process IMHO.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Doesn't the above bolded sort of defeat the purpose of keeping things casual?
> 
> I'd say tell him the truth. That you are developing feelings for him. That he's the first guy you've felt this way about post-d. And that you're a little scared but curious too about where the relationship could go. Definitely talk about it in person and see what he has to say.
> 
> It's not a bad thing to open up, to be vulnerable again. You have the strength to handle this. Opening up again and processing feelings in a healthy way is part of the healing process IMHO.


It is so freaking scary right?
I feel I would feel bad either way. I seriously do not see him as a long term partner. I feel I would be lying to him if I say I want to see where "this goes".
If he says "No, I do not want anything more than casual." I will be sad (btw, as far as I know we are sleeping together exclusively I have asked.)
But I fear he will say "yes, I want to pursue more" because I do not want that either.... ugh...


----------



## bravenewworld

Well if you truly feel there is nowhere for the relationship to go yet find yourself getting attached out of loneliness/need, I'd say the situation has reached it's expiration date. It's important to let go of things/people/situations that no longer serve a purpose - and it can be done with kindness.

However, if you are scared because your developing feelings are a genuine fondness for him specifically, why not face your fear and explore that? Relationships come and go and do not have to lead to cohabitation or marriage.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> However, if you are scared because your developing feelings are a genuine fondness for him specifically, why not face your fear and explore that? Relationships come and go and do not have to lead to cohabitation or marriage.


It truly is that.

And the fear of rejection, because he has told me he does not want a relationship. I will be changing the rules.

In any event, we are supposed to see each other sometime this week. I shall let you know what happens. I have a feelings he will end things.


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> One of the guests, a very pretty blonde brazenly asked me in front of Guatemalan if she and I were dating and I said yes. Then the woman persisted.*.." But you are not married right? So you are single?" *I said excuse me and Guatemalan and I went outside for a breather. The woman was not joking. Wow. G. took it well and was classy.


How incredibly rude. I am amazed at just how icky some people can be. 



ne9907 said:


> hmmm yes. But I want to continue this casual monogamous thing but have feelings involved.
> 
> If I ask that question, it would seen as if I want a serious relationship. I do not want that. I do not want to meet his friends nor family. I do not want to be included in his life decisions.


So don't ask anything. If you don't want anything more, then enjoy it for what it is. Why add to it? If you only want a casual thing then don't even bring up the other stuff.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> hmmm yes. But I want to continue this casual monogamous thing but have feelings involved.
> 
> If I ask that question, it would seen as if I want a serious relationship. I do not want that. I do not want to meet his friends nor family. I do not want to be included in his life decisions.


:scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:

Once feelings are involved, it is no longer a casual thing. I dont see how its possible to do both...maybe I am naive. It just doesnt make sense.


----------



## Jellybeans

This is FWB hardly ever works/lasts.

One of both will end up getting those annoying "feelings."


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> So don't ask anything. If you don't want anything more, then enjoy it for what it is. Why add to it? If you only want a casual thing then don't even bring up the other stuff.





3Xnocharm said:


> :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:
> 
> Once feelings are involved, it is no longer a casual thing. I dont see how its possible to do both...maybe I am naive. It just doesnt make sense.


I get you girls. I got terribly jealous this past weekend. I felt neglected. I know it contradicts the "casual" word I keep using.

Perhaps, I feel it is more than casual, but am afraid to actually say the "relationship" word.

He is so thoughtful, passionate, and even caring when we are together. BUT once we apart, he only talks with me once every third day. He does respond if I have a question or something to share. 
I am afraid he will want to grow closer, but I am also afraid he will reject me because I do like him every much.

I know I am over analyzing this situation, but for once, I want to delve into my feelings and emotions and not be on auto pilot.


----------



## RandomDude

This can't continue on, he has to know and make his decision from there. Glad that you decided to see where it is you exactly stand but still - you need to get it out of your system too Ne, you're too emotionally vulnerable right now based on what you've typed... steel up so that you are prepared to face his answer.

It can be good! But if it's bad, steel up so you can take the blow.

But hell, just saying, as this just reminds of me of my previous FB who just had to go as she developed the same lovey doveys and expressed to me the same horrible feelings that you are now facing today.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> This can't continue on, he has to know and make his decision from there. Glad that you decided to see where it is you exactly stand but still - you need to get it out of your system too Ne, you're too emotionally vulnerable right now based on what you've typed... steel up so that you are prepared to face his answer.
> 
> It can be good! But if it's bad, steel up so you can take the blow.
> 
> But hell, just saying, as this just reminds of me of my previous FB who just had to go as she developed the same lovey doveys and expressed to me the same horrible feelings that you are now facing today.


haha
You rock RD, you know that?? I was hoping you would pipe in and there you are!
Thanks


----------



## vi_bride04

So you are in love with blue eyes again? Seems like you love and hate that guy alot. 

Do you know what you want?


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> So you are in love with blue eyes again? Seems like you love and hate that guy alot.
> 
> Do you know what you want?


She wants Mr Perfect. He's out there somewhere.


----------



## Arendt

bandit.45 said:


> She wants Mr Perfect. He's out there somewhere.


I don't think that is a fair assessment. 

_____________

SO I have something to ask as well...Guatemalan is throwing an end of summer party next Saturday at her house. Her son (2 yrs old) will be there but not her daughter. I have not and do not really want to meet her kids, nor has she offered that at any point (thankfully, that is a red flag at this early point). 

But now I feel weird...we will spend Friday night and Saturday morning together...and I am invited to the party...not to meet her kids but because it would be strange if she did not invite me somehow. 

So I am not sure how to act. Even whether to go...


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> So you are in love with blue eyes again? Seems like you love and hate that guy alot.
> 
> Do you know what you want?


I am not in love with him. I am pretty content with the way things are, except that I would like for him to be more open towards me. I do not want to progress in relationship stages, like meet his friends, or family, etc. 
I said earlier that I began to think about the state of our relationship because I became overly jealous. He is not moving as far away as previously discussed. He will be a few hours away. That sort of throws the dynamics into new light. 




bandit.45 said:


> She wants Mr Perfect. He's out there somewhere.


I want Captain America


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I want Captain America


The comic book version or the movie version?


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I want Captain America
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The comic book version or the movie version?
Click to expand...

The movie version! Chris Evans is so yummy!!

But seriously. I do like blue eyes a lot. I was okay with his move to Hawaii because it meant ending things and not examining my feelings. But now he will be 2 hours away. I am afraid to keep this going and also afraid he will reject me. It has been almost six months. 
I will be fine either way and will remember him fondly (if we end things) he is a pretty awesome person. 

Arendt
What hesitation do you have about meeting her children? 
If you are not ready tell her so and maybe skip the party? Do you think she will understand?


----------



## Arendt

If you like the guy then I think bnw had a good reply to you about being honest and just saying things. Rejection would suck but it will be nothing compared to other hurts you have been through. YOu can make it and will learn something from even that. It might even open new doors for you somehow. You don't now how you will actually react. Take the chance.

--

As to meeting Guatemaln's little boy, I hd it in my mind that I would not meet any of her kids for several more months at least. Isn't 7 weeks a little soon? It is not a formal "meeting" though but more like this child will be there playing and so will I along with lots of other adults (it won't start till later so maybe he'll be asleep for most of it even). But maybe that is the best way anyhow. Hell I don't know. 

The other thing, besides some abstract idea I have about not meeting kids for several more months because that is what you are supposed to do, is that kids scare the crap out of me. NOt normally. But I have never had my own kids and never thought about the idea of being in any way responsible for them. Maybe I should not think about any of that though...that is not what this is. Maybe that is future thinking that I shoudl drop...again, I don't know. Confusion reigns in my head around her children.


----------



## bandit.45

I want Black Widow. The Scarlett Johansen version.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt, I obviously suck at giving advice but if I was in your shoes I would skip the overnight at her place and stop by the party for a little while. That is, if I can see myself with that person long term. It will be awkward at first, because kids are extremely aware of everything! 
You will be okay, just be yourself. I do think it is a bit premature to meet her kid, even in a crowded social setting.


----------



## TooNice

Arendt said:


> If you like the guy then I think bnw had a good reply to you about being honest and just saying things. Rejection would suck but it will be nothing compared to other hurts you have been through. YOu can make it and will learn something from even that. It might even open new doors for you somehow. You don't now how you will actually react. Take the chance.
> 
> --
> 
> As to meeting Guatemaln's little boy, I hd it in my mind that I would not meet any of her kids for several more months at least. Isn't 7 weeks a little soon? It is not a formal "meeting" though but more like this child will be there playing and so will I along with lots of other adults (it won't start till later so maybe he'll be asleep for most of it even). But maybe that is the best way anyhow. Hell I don't know.
> 
> The other thing, besides some abstract idea I have about not meeting kids for several more months because that is what you are supposed to do, is that kids scare the crap out of me. NOt normally. But I have never had my own kids and never thought about the idea of being in any way responsible for them. Maybe I should not think about any of that though...that is not what this is. Maybe that is future thinking that I shoudl drop...again, I don't know. Confusion reigns in my head around her children.


First of all - you just gave some great advice. 

As for the kiddo... I would tend to think it becomes a bigger deal when they are older. At two, you'll just be another person at the party. Truthfully, it sounds like the best way to test the kid-meeting waters. Only one of them will be there? And he's young enough to not speculate about who you are to his mom. It seems like you really like her, but you also seem a little weirded out about the kids. This sounds to me like a good opportunity to set your mind at ease about the kids. One of them, anyway.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> Arendt, I obviously suck at giving advice but if I was in your shoes I would skip the overnight at her place and stop by the party for a little while. That is, if I can see myself with that person long term. It will be awkward at first, because kids are extremely aware of everything!
> You will be okay, just be yourself. I do think it is a bit premature to meet her kid, even in a crowded social setting.


Yeah there is no overnight planned for her party. I would NOT stay with her kid there, nor would she allow it. 



TooNice said:


> First of all - you just gave some great advice.
> 
> As for the kiddo... I would tend to think it becomes a bigger deal when they are older. At two, you'll just be another person at the party. Truthfully, it sounds like the best way to test the kid-meeting waters. Only one of them will be there? And he's young enough to not speculate about who you are to his mom. It seems like you really like her, but you also seem a little weirded out about the kids. This sounds to me like a good opportunity to set your mind at ease about the kids. One of them, anyway.


I had not thought of that. One of the reasons not to meet kids is that it creates chaos in their lives. Meeting kids early, as I understand it, is a no-no because it puts a new person in their lives before the adults have had time to really see if they are going to be around each other a while. Then low and behold a few months in they realize, we are not that compatible after all...we were just blinded by other things, then the person disappears leaving a hole for the kid, yet again. So it is primarily to protect the child that you do not meet the kids early.

If I am just an adult in the crowd maybe that is different. I have not spoken to her...he may be sleeping most of the time as well. I should probably just talk with her about it and see what she is thinking. She is protective of her children so I'm sure she will know what is best. I sure as hell do not. Kids just freak me out in general when I think I have to be responsible or something.

There is the other issue...the two of us have been datinga bout seven weeks, once that party goes down...we have met some of each other's friends, but kids seem different. More like meeting the parents or something...I don't know. But it is not a "meeting" and the two year old is from what I can tell pretty oblivious to everything except his own little world. So as far as protecting the kid, I think it is fine. But for the two of us, maybe it is too soon. I should just talk with her about it on Tuesday when I see her I guess.


----------



## TooNice

Arendt said:


> One of the reasons not to meet kids is that it creates chaos in their lives. Meeting kids early, as I understand it, is a no-no because it puts a new person in their lives before the adults have had time to really see if they are going to be around each other a while. Then low and behold a few months in they realize, we are not that compatible after all...we were just blinded by other things, then the person disappears leaving a hole for the kid, yet again. So it is primarily to protect the child that you do not meet the kids early.
> 
> If I am just an adult in the crowd maybe that is different. I have not spoken to her...he may be sleeping most of the time as well. I should probably just talk with her about it and see what she is thinking. She is protective of her children so I'm sure she will know what is best. I sure as hell do not. Kids just freak me out in general when I think I have to be responsible or something.
> 
> There is the other issue...the two of us have been datinga bout seven weeks, once that party goes down...we have met some of each other's friends, but kids seem different. More like meeting the parents or something...I don't know. But it is not a "meeting" and the two year old is from what I can tell pretty oblivious to everything except his own little world. So as far as protecting the kid, I think it is fine. But for the two of us, maybe it is too soon. I should just talk with her about it on Tuesday when I see her I guess.


I think if you are dating and spending a lot of time with them, it does become confusing. I totally agree with not staying over when they are there - that opens up lots of awkwardness and more. 

I respect that you are both taking time and care with this aspect of your relationship. Many people don't do that. Try not to make it bigger than it is, though. I think in this case, if you have any desire to attend this party, just consider it a sneak peek. 

But you should definitely speak with her about how you feel. Make sure you are both on the same page about what your expectations/thoughts are about the day. As a parent, my guess is that she will appreciate that you are concerned about how to best approach it.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> Well, she knows that any woman that wants to be with me will have to be okay with her. But, she also knows that Dad will eventually find someone and she is okay with it.
> 
> What happened with her mom? I think it is a combination of things, really. She saw me work my tail off trying to save the marriage and keep our family together while her mom sat on her backside. She saw me put her and the family first all of the time and her mom acting selfishly. She saw me own my mistakes, make amends for them, and change my behaviors while her mom didn't. She see me taking care of her and the other kids when it would have been far easier to just throw up my hands and not fight. She sees me being the mediator between the siblings and maintaining what is left of her family, and she see her mother doesn't. Basically what it comes down to, in my opinion, is that she knows Dad will be there for her and take care of her and she does not have that confidence in her mom.


Ah hu , sorry to hear that . l hope they can find each other again . l could only imagine how your d must be feeling inside about it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> First of all - you just gave some great advice.
> 
> As for the kiddo... I would tend to think it becomes a bigger deal when they are older. At two, you'll just be another person at the party. Truthfully, it sounds like the best way to test the kid-meeting waters. Only one of them will be there? And he's young enough to not speculate about who you are to his mom. It seems like you really like her, but you also seem a little weirded out about the kids. This sounds to me like a good opportunity to set your mind at ease about the kids. One of them, anyway.


This was kinda my thought too. A two year old is pretty neutral, he wont have a clue as to who/what you might be. But, if you arent comfortable, then dont go. But for sure have a talk with her about the whole thing.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> If you like the guy then I think bnw had a good reply to you about being honest and just saying things. Rejection would suck but it will be nothing compared to other hurts you have been through. YOu can make it and will learn something from even that. It might even open new doors for you somehow. You don't now how you will actually react. Take the chance.
> 
> --
> 
> As to meeting Guatemaln's little boy, I hd it in my mind that I would not meet any of her kids for several more months at least. Isn't 7 weeks a little soon? It is not a formal "meeting" though but more like this child will be there playing and so will I along with lots of other adults (it won't start till later so maybe he'll be asleep for most of it even). But maybe that is the best way anyhow. Hell I don't know.
> 
> The other thing, besides some abstract idea I have about not meeting kids for several more months because that is what you are supposed to do, is that kids scare the crap out of me. NOt normally. But I have never had my own kids and never thought about the idea of being in any way responsible for them. Maybe I should not think about any of that though...that is not what this is. Maybe that is future thinking that I shoudl drop...again, I don't know. Confusion reigns in my head around her children.



At that age , it's not just meeting him once that will matter at all.
But , if you two become serious and your around him a lot , you'll be spending a lot of time with him and he'll be getting closer and closer to you.
The relationship falls apart , and he has to come to terms with losing another dad or male in his life which will break his heart again. That's what you can't do or anyone else when thinking about being around the kids.
So that's why people should only ever go near them once they are sure their relationship is real and they'll be sticking around.
And when they're older than that , it's much more complicated because if their mums or dads bf's or gf's don't work out , they're also watching their parents in and out of relationships to , that's bad.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I want Captain America


I hope this is not your reaction when it comes to Captain America:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OgnHup9DyA
(From 0:40)

lol


----------



## Fenix

Arendt said:


> If you like the guy then I think bnw had a good reply to you about being honest and just saying things. Rejection would suck but it will be nothing compared to other hurts you have been through. YOu can make it and will learn something from even that. It might even open new doors for you somehow. You don't now how you will actually react. Take the chance.
> 
> --
> 
> As to meeting Guatemaln's little boy, I hd it in my mind that I would not meet any of her kids for several more months at least. Isn't 7 weeks a little soon? It is not a formal "meeting" though but more like this child will be there playing and so will I along with lots of other adults (it won't start till later so maybe he'll be asleep for most of it even). But maybe that is the best way anyhow. Hell I don't know.
> 
> The other thing, besides some abstract idea I have about not meeting kids for several more months because that is what you are supposed to do, is that kids scare the crap out of me. NOt normally. But I have never had my own kids and never thought about the idea of being in any way responsible for them. Maybe I should not think about any of that though...that is not what this is. Maybe that is future thinking that I shoudl drop...again, I don't know. Confusion reigns in my head around her children.


The kid is two. He won't even notice you if you aren't hanging on his mother. Or, go to the party later...after he is asleep.

Anyway, seeing her in action as a mother may help clarify your feelings.


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Ah hu , sorry to hear that . l hope they can find each other again . l could only imagine how your d must be feeling inside about it.


d is either very good at masking her feelings or she really is just "done" with her mom. In a twisted sort of way I think my attempts to get her to be more in contact with her mom reinforced her desire *not *to contact or visit. It's like she is re-resolving not to go or contact her whenever I ask her about it. Because of that, I rarely ask her if she wants to go visit her mom. She knows that when/if she wants to go I will make it happen.


----------



## movealong

Arendt - kids are resilient, especially at 2. The 2 year old will only remember you if you are around for a while. Kids scare the crap out of most single guys, and a lot of single women! LOL! The best advice anyone can give you about kids, imo, is this:

Be YOU - don't try to impress them. Kids BS detector is strong.
Be open and listen - kids will generally let you know how they feel about you. If their parent likes you and is comfortable with you, usually they will be, too.
Take time - kids, like pets, can be wary of you until they know if you are a threat to them. 

Enjoy the time with her at the party and don't over-analyze.


----------



## whitehawk

She has to be like that to protect herself .
She's afraid her mum will hurt her and let her down , reject her and of whatever it is that's been going on between them .


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> The other thing, besides some abstract idea I have about not meeting kids for several more months because that is what you are supposed to do, is that kids scare the crap out of me. NOt normally. But I have never had my own kids and never thought about the idea of being in any way responsible for them. Maybe I should not think about any of that though...


Arendt, if things get serious with this woman, you realize the kids are part of the package, right? I mean, I know that seems so captain Obvious but there also seems to be a disconnect here. You are saying you really like her but that children scare you and you don't want to be responsible, etc for them ever. If you guys become an actual thing, the kids are very much going to be a part of your life... They're not just a sometime thing in her life. Just saying.

With that said, at two, he is not going to really even register who you are.


----------



## RandomDude

Tis also why I always drop the bomb of daddyhood on first date, nor do I date women with children, makes me abit shallow especially as a dad myself - but I just can't help it! 

Hate kids who ain't my own! Annoying little brats 
Cousins, nephews and nieces yay! But other folk's kids? Bah!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Tis also why I always drop the bomb of daddyhood on first date*, nor do I date women with children*, makes me abit shallow especially *as a dad myself* - but I just can't help it!


That is intresting. 

Good on you for letting them know on the first date.

In online dating, I really am a fan of people posting pics with their kids because then you know right away.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> I hope this is not your reaction when it comes to Captain America:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OgnHup9DyA
> (From 0:40)
> 
> lol


:rofl:

oh..my...like ....it.... take me.


----------



## movealong

Random thought of the day: I don't like the voice of Siri from the iPhones. If there was an app to give "voice" to my phone, I would download Morgan Freeman's voice. Even my grocery list would sound cool.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ha! He really does have a great voice!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Siri's voice IS annoying, and even MORE annoying is that "she" is useless!


----------



## bravenewworld

Hmm this is an interesting development. I'm really enjoying the company of ten year younger guy. We've hung out 3x already this week, and he's cooked me dinner! So nice 

Will be out of town for a business trip and am actually going to be missing him. For the first time post-d feels like there might be more to this than just a casual dating situation....

But then again, it has only been two weeks or so and I don't want to get in over my head. I've agreed to go out with someone else on a blind date my friend set up, even though I'm kind of not feeling it. 

I'm trying not to fall in the pattern of being a "onesie" and totally focusing on one person because I like them. But at the same time, I get this feeling this guy might be different. 

Damn single life.....it brings up all kinds of questions and very few answers.


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> Arendt - kids are resilient, especially at 2. The 2 year old will only remember you if you are around for a while. Kids scare the crap out of most single guys, and a lot of single women! LOL! The best advice anyone can give you about kids, imo, is this:
> 
> Be YOU - don't try to impress them. Kids BS detector is strong.
> Be open and listen - kids will generally let you know how they feel about you. If their parent likes you and is comfortable with you, usually they will be, too.
> Take time - kids, like pets, can be wary of you until they know if you are a threat to them.
> 
> Enjoy the time with her at the party and don't over-analyze.


Thanks for that. Yeah...I don't know what to do with children. I can learn and I have been around kids and know how to have fun but have never ever been responsible in any way shape or form for kids. I need to stop thinking about it for now and just relax. Nobody is asking me to be responsible for anybody so chill MF! (I will need to watch my mouth though..something I am not used to doing, even teaching college...I cuss when I want...those kids have heard far worse than I will say. Most students do not complain...a few dislike it but tough ****, it is college, deal with it).



Jellybeans said:


> Arendt, if things get serious with this woman, you realize the kids are part of the package, right? I mean, I know that seems so captain Obvious but there also seems to be a disconnect here. You are saying you really like her but that children scare you and you don't want to be responsible, etc for them ever. If you guys become an actual thing, the kids are very much going to be a part of your life... They're not just a sometime thing in her life. Just saying.
> 
> With that said, at two, he is not going to really even register who you are.


Yeah...Captain Obvious. I know that.  I'm willing to learn, if indeed we stick together. And we are planning to see each other for the foreseeable future as of now. She doesn't have plans for the holidays because her kids are not with her this year and talked briefly about maybe ding a few things together during that time because I don't plan big trips to family either, at the most one day , and I like to go out on New Years Eve for sure (that is the one holiday I actually like)...anyway...all tentative talk.

Thanks folks for the advice. I'll talk to her later this evening and get a feel for what she has planned and tell her I am apprehensive because her kid will be there and ask what her thoughts are about that. More than likely there will be other kids there and he'll be playing with them mostly.

I'm really irritated right now...just bombed part of an editing test for a publisher: who uses AMA! Damn it.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Hmm this is an interesting development. I'm really enjoying the company of ten year younger guy. We've hung out 3x already this week, and he's cooked me dinner! So nice
> 
> Will be out of town for a business trip and am actually going to be missing him. For the first time post-d feels like there might be more to this than just a casual dating situation....
> 
> But then again, it has only been two weeks or so and I don't want to get in over my head. I've agreed to go out with someone else on a blind date my friend set up, even though I'm kind of not feeling it.
> 
> I'm trying not to fall in the pattern of being a "onesie" and totally focusing on one person because I like them. But at the same time, I get this feeling this guy might be different.
> 
> Damn single life.....it brings up all kinds of questions and very few answers.


Yay for you!!!


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Tis also why I always drop the bomb of daddyhood on first date, nor do I date women with children, makes me abit shallow especially as a dad myself - but I just can't help it!
> 
> Hate kids who ain't my own! Annoying little brats
> Cousins, nephews and nieces yay! But other folk's kids? Bah!


Really? My rule was always she needed her own kids cause I didn't want to be permanently attached to yet another woman in that way. Even if she didn't have kids of her own and didn't want any sooner or later they would and I wasn't risking that. I still have big plans for my future and don't need babies slowing me down another 18-20 years. 
Selfish I know but I have been a dad since I was 16, I grew up way to fast and I would like to have some me time soon.



Jellybeans said:


> That is intresting.
> 
> Good on you for letting them know on the first date.
> 
> In online dating, I really am a fan of people posting pics with their kids because then you know right away.


I don't know exactly how I feel about that. I made sure it was clear in my profile I had kids cause I didn't want any surprises and it scares away the party/lazy girls.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Tis also why I always drop the bomb of daddyhood on first date, nor do I date women with children, makes me abit shallow especially as a dad myself - but I just can't help it!
> 
> Hate kids who ain't my own! Annoying little brats
> Cousins, nephews and nieces yay! But other folk's kids? Bah!


That's fairly normal. I'm the same way.
WTF I am not getting up early to make breakfast or pack lunches for any kid other than my own. Not to mention washing their dirty underwear. No, thank you. 

There are a few kids other than my own that I really adore, despite their flaws (that I also know about) but I draw the line there.


----------



## moxy

I love kids -- they haven't been ruined by the world yet. I take care of my nephews and nieces and friends' kids often. I don't know if I'll ever have any of my own, but I have no issue with caring for a helpless person, blood-kin or not. That being said, dating makes things complicated because lives with kids can be so different from lives without kids.


----------



## ne9907

This is not a very well written article, but it serves its purpose.
I am definitely addicted to the chase.

Are You Addicted to the Chase? | Lauren Kay

Are you addicted to the thrill of the chase? Do you sometimes write off people who might be great, but don't seem exciting enough? Our matchmakers weigh in on this problem, and ways to fix it.

The Problem:

Lauren: One of the best pieces of advice I got was not to confuse anxiety with excitement. Often, people who play games make you feel extremely anxious. Physiologically, anxiety feels a lot like excitement. So, a month or two of game-playing can easily be confused with infatuation or love.

Courteney: I worked with a client who met someone she truly connected deeply with through our service. After multiple great dates, she was scared off because of how 'good' of a person her date was. She felt as though the relationship wasn't 'passionate' enough for her, based on a past experience, with someone she kind-of dated for a little while who could not commit to a monogamous relationship with her. I tried to explain to her that this past experience shouldn't represent her standard/benchmark for passion and attraction and who she can fall in love with. The type of infatuation she experienced came from wanting something that she couldn't have, and was much more exciting than anything she could have. It made someone who could commit seem less 'sexy.' There is a fine line, but I don't want people to miss out on an amazing opportunity with someone who truly is a good fit because they are scared off by their healthy communication style and ability to share their open and honest feelings.

Priti: I spend a lot of time talking to friends about dating and relationships, and I know a few people who do not think that a man or woman is really 'worth it' unless they have to 'fight' for them. In this context, 'fighting' includes the exhaustive work of constantly guessing what the other person is thinking and/or trying to stay a few steps ahead so that the other person is always more invested in the relationship. Several female friends have told me that showing genuine interest is a bad idea, because guys 'aren't interested in girls they don't have to chase.' Going out of your way to ensure that someone is chasing you is often counterproductive, since people read signals differently. By not being yourself, you're preventing forming a real connection with the other person. 

The Solution:

Lauren: Don't write off people who don't immediately give you butterflies in your stomach. When someone returns all of your texts and is always available to go on dates -- you know, when someone treats you like a real live human being -- you generally won't feel anxious. But don't let this lack of anxiety be mistaken for lack of passion. You're finally dating a decent human being -- don't let him or her slip away!

Courteney: I use a common rule of thumb with all of my dating clients. I tell them that if after a first date they are 65% or more into it, go on the second date. Often times, people feel as though it has to feel like a 95 or 100% to go on a second date when it is rarely the case that someone has this level of intensity of feelings on a first date. The first date is to establish whether or not there are any major red flags or deal breakers and to determine if there is the basic level of chemistry that could continue to grow with time and shared experiences. If it's a "hell, no," then don't go on the second date. But if it's a "he was pretty cool. Not sure if he's my soulmate, but I had a nice time" I say to go on the second date. You can be surprised how much things can develop when you give it a date or two and give someone a chance. We're not always completely ourselves on a first date and it takes a number of experiences to start developing healthy romantic feelings for someone.

Eva: If you're feeling addicted to the chase, try and ask yourself what you're truly looking for. Are you striving to reach an unattainable goal? Are your standards too high, and if so, is there an underlying reason for this? Some introspection can go a long way when it comes to courtship and dating. If you're looking for a serious commitment, it always helps to know yourself well and be open to meeting and getting to know different types of people.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l tend to go with somem like what AP's said bc she might get clucky down the track otherwise,
But , on the other hand , l'm getting a reality check with T as we speak , on how damn tricky it might me if she does have kids.
And then like what is the situation with their kids and ex's and the whole picture. That [email protected] can be huge l'm seeing with T and totally change everything.

Pretty hard finding anyone in their 40s that doesn't have any though and often they're grown up to boot. That fkg freaks me out,
l'm use to much younger kids .
You'd think the older kids might be a good thing but then you realize they have cars, bf's and gf's , friends or sometimes they're already married and got more kids. Some chicks have been grandmothers at 42 or somem .
Then you got ex's and ex situations. And kids emotions about mum habging out with somebody new . lt's a God damn minefield . 

Jesus , why wasn't all this stuff mentioned in the brochure :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l tend to go with somem like what AP's said bc she might get clucky down the track otherwise,
> But , on the other hand , l'm getting a reality check with T as we speak , on how damn tricky it might me if she does have kids.
> And then like what is the situation with their kids and ex's and the whole picture. That [email protected] can be huge l'm seeing with T and totally change everything.
> 
> Pretty hard finding anyone in their 40s that doesn't have any though and often they're grown up to boot. That fkg freaks me out,
> l'm use to much younger kids .
> You'd think the older kids might be a good thing but then you realize they have cars, bf's and gf's , friends or sometimes they're already married and got more kids. Some chicks have been grandmothers at 42 or somem .
> *Then you got ex's and ex situations. And kids emotions about mum habging out with somebody new . lt's a God damn minefield . *
> 
> Jesus , why wasn't all this stuff mentioned in the brochure :rofl:


:iagree: NO SHIAT!!! Ain't that the truth. 

Don't get me wrong I love kids I just don't want my own kids from 3 different women...THREE baby mommas!!! I don't think so, that sounds like hell. 2 is way more then enough.

Thanks for reminding me I need to schedule an appointment at the Doc's to get snipped 0_0


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah well that's the thing. As you guys may've noticed l get way emotional when it comes to the kids , l adore kids.
l was even hoping someone new had more kids but - l forget just how tricky that could actually be too .
As a matter of fact ,T's d is one of my d's best friends and she's been staying over for years. Well , she hasn't got a dad and we've always really clicked and one day she actually asked me if l'd be her dad , this was way before l was seeing her mum.
Well l loved the idea but of course it wouldn't be as simple as that but . 
And here l am , seeing her mum .

God knows what's gonna come out of all this :rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> I love kids -- they haven't been ruined by the world yet. I take care of my nephews and nieces and friends' kids often. I don't know if I'll ever have any of my own, but I have no issue with caring for a helpless person, blood-kin or not. That being said, dating makes things complicated because lives with kids can be so different from lives without kids.


You're kidding, right? All the kids I know and like are the ones who know quite a bit about the world. We just know how to thumb our noses at it. You would be surprised how much kids know about the world and it's workings...primarily because some people don't give them credit for being able to know. I suspect the kids you watch and not being completely transparent with you...they must like you, they don't want to traumatize you with what they know :rofl: Kids, helpless,  Please, show me one.

I only cook for, pack lunches and do laundry for mine because I enjoy being their mother for as long as they'll let me. I know they're completely capable of doing all that themselves (and they do, at their dad's.)


----------



## moxy

HNU, most of the kids in my life are under ten. I suppose the 12-18 bunch are a different story. It's also easier to be nice to an aunt (or an aunt-figure) than a parent. I get to do the fun stuff with them, mostly.
---


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> HNU, most of the kids in my life are under ten. I suppose the 12-18 bunch are a different story. It's also easier to be nice to an aunt (or an aunt-figure) than a parent. I get to do the fun stuff with them, mostly.
> ---


I guess it depends on the demographics.


----------



## moxy

I spend most of my kid-time with my 3 yo and 5 yo nephews. At those ages, they're loving and sweet.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Really? My rule was always she needed her own kids cause I didn't want to be permanently attached to yet another woman in that way. Even if she didn't have kids of her own and didn't want any sooner or later they would and I wasn't risking that. I still have big plans for my future and don't need babies slowing me down another 18-20 years.
> Selfish I know but I have been a dad since I was 16, I grew up way to fast and I would like to have some me time soon.


Well, I find it hard to love another who isn't my own flesh and blood I guess, hence I wouldn't really mind another child with the right woman - besides I only have one kid atm.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That's fairly normal. I'm the same way.
> WTF I am not getting up early to make breakfast or pack lunches for any kid other than my own. Not to mention washing their dirty underwear. No, thank you.
> 
> There are a few kids other than my own that I really adore, despite their flaws (that I also know about) but I draw the line there.


Aye, I always wondered if there was something wrong with me but glad that I'm not alone - makes me feel normal  thanks


----------



## whitehawk

Edit, put it this way , most already have a dad , the marriage just didn't work out just like ours. So you don't have to love them in that way or be their second dad and no body will have to be my girls second mum , she has a mum. Just get along.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I made sure it was clear in my profile I had kids cause I didn't want any surprises and *it scares away the party/lazy girls*.


Not everyone who doesn't want to date someone with kids is a a "party/lazy girl." Or "party/lazy man." Different strokes.



Another Planet said:


> Don't get me wrong I love kids I just don't want my own kids from 3 different women...THREE baby mommas!!! I don't think so, that sounds like hell.


:rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> HNU, most of the kids in my life are under ten. I suppose the 12-18 bunch are a different story. It's also easier to be nice to an aunt (or an aunt-figure) than a parent. I get to do the fun stuff with them, mostly.
> ---


Mileage may vary. 
Again, it's demographics. 
5 is not a baby by any means in some pockets of the world.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Another Planet said:
> 
> 
> 
> I made sure it was clear in my profile I had kids cause I didn't want any surprises and *it scares away the party/lazy girls*.
> 
> 
> 
> Not everyone who doesn't want to date someone with kids is a a "party/lazy girl." Or "party/lazy man." Different strokes.
> 
> 
> 
> Another Planet said:
> 
> 
> 
> Don't get me wrong I love kids I just don't want my own kids from 3 different women...THREE baby mommas!!! I don't think so, that sounds like hell.
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Now I didn't say that. I did say that it scares the lazy or party girls away 
I know some women can't have children of their own, actually was talking with one last year that wanted kids but couldn't have them so she was looking for a guy with kids.

I know right!!! Think about having children with 3 different deadbeat dads...terrifying isn't it 0_0


----------



## ne9907

Art workshop today!

Excited!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I know some women can't have children of their own


...Or want them. 



Another Planet said:


> I know right!!! Think about having children with 3 different deadbeat dads...terrifying isn't it 0_0


That does sound hairy. And I first read that as FIVE different dads. Lol.


----------



## Arendt

So I talked with Guatemalan last night about her party. She brought it up actually. She said that so much of her life is wrapped up in her kids and that she would like for me to see that part of her life and how she is as a mother. "There is still time for you to run away" she said. But she said she had no intention of formally introducing me to her kids, but that they would talk to me like others. her boy would be oblivious but tends to greet people with hugs.

She canceled the party anyhow because a friend cannot come and because she said her daughter (9yrs old) would be very, very upset if she had a party at her home and she was not there. But she will likely have one with in a month or so.

Her daughter figured things out about me from a photo her mom showed her from the wedding, just one of many photos but her daughter somehow zeroed in on me and asked her who I was "and was I her date" to the wedding. She also likes the lion I gave to Guatemalan and recognized my name. 

Anyway, I am glad I spoke to her about it. If she puts it off a month or so I would feel like I have more time, and she said that she only wanted me to see her interacting with her kids, and that a gathering like that would be less pressured. But now that her daughter has figured out who I am she would likely come up to me and have a lot of questions. 

I am good with kids. I know how to play and make the laugh and that kind of thing so I am fine with a very low pressure thing where they are there, but interacting with them is not the center of things. 

We also talked about how to serve vegetarian food to a bunch of skeptics. Guatemalan has stopped eating animals and wants to have the party vegetarian but was not sure how to make her guests happy and stick to what she thinks now about the issue. So I gave her some tips and offered to help cook and such to take pressure off of her (vegetarian tacos).

I'm at her place now actually...she's doing homework and I am doing the same.



ne9907 said:


> Art workshop today!
> 
> Excited!


Would love to see art from you when you make something.


----------



## movealong

I liked almost everything you said, Arendt...but I have to draw the line at veggie tacos, lol! 

Sounds like you're getting more comfortable with the situation as it is coming at you. As a single Dad, I really understand viscerally what she said about "There is still time for you to run away". That, my friend, is the door she is holding open to you. She is telling you that you may enter her inner sanctum. This is a huge step for a single parent. Generally, we do NOT allow just anyone in to that part of our lives unless there are real feelings and intentions there.

I will only say tread carefully. Before the only persons who would be hurt are you or her, after you enter that door....just be certain.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> ...Or want them.
> 
> .


Fine, it also scares away the women who don't want kids or to deal with a guy that has them...not just the party/lazy girls lol


----------



## RandomDude

I can't stand vegetarians =/


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Fine, it also scares away the women who don't want kids or to deal with a guy that has them...not just the party/lazy girls lol


And not every dad or mum is a deadbeat but truth be known l'm kinda worried about all this stuff .
Problem is , l didn't choose this life but now well , most women out there have kids and l do too. No fkg clue how we're gonna wangle it tbh . :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

lf they didn't have a dad like T's girl , l'd be there but even that still doesn't solve my d coping with someone new instead of mum and l can't even bring myself to think of things at mums end.

Never thought we'd be knee deep in this bs.


----------



## whitehawk

The good news is , well sorta ,God ex has let herself go . I can hardly recognize her .


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> lf they didn't have a dad like T's girl , l'd be there but even that still doesn't solve my d coping with someone new instead of mum and l can't even bring myself to think of things at mums end.
> 
> Never thought we'd be knee deep in this bs.


 Tell me about it. Never really thought I would be here either. Now, "I" am dealing with my guy's daughter who is feeling left out and less of a priority. Her mom is getting involved and boundaries are needing to be set. Well, I am not dealing with it, he is...I am just watching from afar. This is all so new. It is like feeling our way.



whitehawk said:


> The good news is , well sorta ,God ex has let herself go . I can hardly recognize her .


:smthumbup: Yeah, I know it is evil...


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> :smthumbup: Yeah, I know it is evil...


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


>


My x will never let himself go. He is too vain for that. I just hope he gets ED.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> My x will never let himself go. He is too vain for that. I just hope he gets ED.



Let us pray :rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> My x will never let himself go. He is too vain for that. I just hope he gets ED.


On that note, I loved it when during deposition for custody we had requested his banking statements and one line item had a charge with some out of country pharmacy. So they asked him what was it for and he said "sildenafil" and quickly the paralegal starts tapping her laptop keys, smirks and tilts the screen toward me so I can see that's the generic for Viagra and then my attorney clarified by asking isn't it normally known as Viagra. He quickly got defensive and said he didn't NEED it, it was for recreational purposes. She asked if he used it with his girlfriend and he looked uncomfortable and said yes, then she asked if the girlfriend knew he took it and he looked even more uncomfortable and said no, then she asked the girlfriend's name, address and phone number. He looked grim but he knew he was required to answer any and all questions at a deposition.

Of course it had no legal bearing and we had no intention of contacting her for that reason or anything else but I have to say that moment made me LOVE my attorney.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

On a completely unrelated note, there is a guy who works in the office complex that I have had a crush on for several years. He was in our building today so I chatted with him and then a bit later saw our office manager and told her about my crush but that I didn't know if he was married or not since he doesn't wear a ring. Unfortunately he IS married. 

Damn.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I liked almost everything you said, Arendt...but I have to draw the line at veggie tacos, lol!


:smthumbup:



EnjoliWoman said:


> I didn't know if he was married or not since he doesn't wear a ring. Unfortunately he IS married.
> 
> Damn.


Sounds like a guy in my office. Hot as hell, has a girlfriend. Seriously amazing a$$ though (I always stare... demurely, of course).


----------



## EnjoliWoman

This guy is a tall and beefy - bald with an redish goatee (he's a bald red-head LOL) blue eyes and glasses. Which on paper sounds a bit odd but it looks good on him. 

Maybe I should ask him if he has a brother, LOL

And nice forearms. What is it with forearms? I know other women notice this, too.


----------



## Jellybeans

Forearms ARE hot.


----------



## unsure78

Yes big forearms are super hot!!!!!!!!


----------



## Ikaika

Hmm what kind of solo activity makes for big forearms.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Would love to see art from you when you make something.


I had so much fun! Only downside was that it was an introduction to acrylic painting. I did not do any creative painting, just color wheels, and mixing color charts.

The instructor will have another class next month and I am planning on attending. 

It was a really great class!!1


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I had so much fun! Only downside was that it was an introduction to acrylic painting. I did not do any creative painting, just color wheels, and mixing color charts.
> 
> The instructor will have another class next month and I am planning on attending.
> 
> It was a really great class!!1


Well that stuff is really important. Knowing how to create colors is a huge aspect of painting. I only use a limited amount of colors and mix them to create everything else (that helps create color harmony in paintings. I never buy black, for example. I mix all my browns, greys, pretty much all colors except a few standards. So that is great you took a class on the fundamentals.


----------



## Arendt

Woke up to a text from Guatemalan that she was 5 minutes away and bringing me breakfast. She had baked banana bread and brought me some coffee from a local (and popular) cafe. That was very nice of her.

On another note: theater season is ramping up in my city...can't wait to start going to the shows this fall! I ate her breakfast while reading the new arts guide that a local paper puts out about all the music and theater coming up through the Fall season. I can't wait! My university has a theater and I plan to buy a season ticket (maybe two  ).

When Guatemalan and I part ways after being around one another for a while I always have this strange feeling, missing her but happy for the experiences...like I'm in a strange world or twilight zone or something. I had it yesterday when I got home, now this morning after she brought me breakfast.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Well that stuff is really important. Knowing how to create colors is a huge aspect of painting. I only use a limited amount of colors and mix them to create everything else (that helps create color harmony in paintings. I never buy black, for example. I mix all my browns, greys, pretty much all colors except a few standards. So great that is great you took a class on the fundamentals.


It is!
The instructor also said he hardly ever uses black. His palette includes 8 colors. 

He is really good. Yeah, it is all about the fundamentals. I did not even know about underpainting! and I took an art class in College!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Arendt said:


> Woke up to a text from Guatemalan that* she was 5 minutes away and bringing me breakfast. She had baked banana bread and brought me some coffee from a local (and popular) cafe*.


Ok, well now I even want to date her. 

Mmmm banana bread and coffee...


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, well now I even want to date her.
> 
> Mmmm banana bread and coffee...


me too!!

Idleness is my enemy!!!!! 

I want to stalk people, but experience has shown me that I would totally get butthurt if I did that....

Work is a bit slow.

EDIT: and to top it all off, I am extremely horny


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> The good news is , well sorta ,God ex has let herself go . I can hardly recognize her .


My exwife doesn't even look like the same person to me. I think nothing changed and she actually looks the same it's just I don't see her the same way. Not in the fog anymore I guess.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> On another note: theater season is ramping up in my city...can't wait to start going to the shows this fall! I ate her breakfast while reading the new arts guide that a local paper puts out about all the music and theater coming up through the Fall season. I can't wait! My university has a theater and I plan to buy a season ticket (maybe two  ).
> 
> When Guatemalan and I part ways after being around one another for a while I always have this strange feeling, missing her but happy for the experiences...like I'm in a strange world or twilight zone or something. I had it yesterday when I got home, now this morning after she brought me breakfast.


That new town of yours sounds like one cool place you lucky theng . Reckon we could safely call it about the opposite to my new town. Although mine is great in summer ,

l'm glad someone else brought up the parting thing.
God this last wk or so when ever T and l part , l still feel her , smell her, hear her, see her . She's got this calm , this voice , it haunts me every time l leave. l'm having a lota trouble holding this train back right now , right when only a wk or 2 back l had myself convinced it wasn't for me. The kids situation , few other things , l know that now . Amazing how thoughts start turning as you weaken and it slowly becomes , hmmm.
We had a funny day the other day. We wound up sitting on the laundry floor 2 and 1/2 hrs , watching what the washing machine done after a guy fixed it. We were laughing and messing around and well , just ended up staying there watching it. l've seen such things in her this wk , and she's funny , really funny. We just talk so much usually, intense, we just haven't even got to laughing yet but she is really funny.
Not lookin good people . 

Cut this bit , it's too soon .


----------



## whitehawk

You know what else has been going on, The damn girls . Girls have sixth sense when it comes to man and woman, l am now certain of it. They fkg know , they've been tracking us the whole time.
We've been sneaking about during school hrs or when hers has a sleep over and wangling all sorts of goodies. She even puts my coffee cups away bc l'm the only one that drinks coffee.

It turns out her d kiks my d whenever l've been around , to confirm with my that l wasn't at home that day or night. And they've been crossing checking notes and info now , "every day ", for wks it turns out.
Even while l'm with my d the other night , sitting right beside her, she's kiking with T's girl , about "us" , as we speak.
The way l found out was d causally says sooooo , what did you get up to today anyway dad ?
l fell straight into it ,little [email protected] .I said ahh nothin , just worked.
She goes , ohh , right :scratchhead: and there was a tone in it .
And then a minute later she goes oh , just talking to T , { that's little T } - ****** , l knew she had me. So then l said , oh yeah l did just have to go over to T's about something too but apart from that  
She goes oh 

So later she went to have a shower and left that damn ipad on and right beside me so l checked. This goes back 6fkg wks. Little T's been going over every inch of the house every night and they compare times, notes , stuff. My d's even told her exactly how l have my coffee and they've spotted the different milk in the fridge . We've been seen places, they've been all over it since day one.


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> That new town of yours sounds like one cool place you lucky theng . Reckon we could safely call it about the opposite to my new town. Although mine is great in summer ,


Milwaukee is a goood place; I will not leave it without good cause.



whitehawk said:


> Not lookin good people . She left for interstate yesterday to see her mum and when we talked today , we almost slipped up , so close, simultaneously, exactly.
> 
> O ohhhh :scratchhead:


I get what you said up to this point. A person can create an emotional hold on us that is addictive, and their residue leaves us with all kinds of feelings and thoughts.

Then yuo said this thing about a simultaneous "slip." :scratchhead: REally sappy mushy stuff there WH. Are the stars aligning? Is it divine providence? Are the "soul mates" finally together? We had a "jinx" moment...surely you are not headed down that starrey eyed road?


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> My exwife doesn't even look like the same person to me. I think nothing changed and she actually looks the same it's just I don't see her the same way. Not in the fog anymore I guess.


It's a strange feeling really, looking at someone you spent so much time with, only to feel nothing when once they meant everything.

Meh


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Arendt said:


> Then yuo said this thing about a simultaneous "slip." :scratchhead: REally sappy mushy stuff there WH. Are the stars aligning? Is it divine providence? Are the "soul mates" finally together? We had a "jinx" moment...surely you are not headed down that starrey eyed road?


Naaaaa, I think what WH is feeling are the by products of good sex.


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Milwaukee is a goood place; I will not leave it without good cause.
> 
> 
> 
> I get what you said up to this point. A person can create an emotional hold on us that is addictive, and their residue leaves us with all kinds of feelings and thoughts.
> 
> Then yuo said this thing about a simultaneous "slip." :scratchhead: REally sappy mushy stuff there WH. Are the stars aligning? Is it divine providence? Are the "soul mates" finally together? We had a "jinx" moment...surely you are not headed down that starrey eyed road?


:rofl: Oh noooo , someone saw it before l cut it . But yeah that's what l thought , get that [email protected] out of there 

Anyway , lets change the subject that never happened right .. Your city sounds so me , that or Rio . Feeling some envy here


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Naaaaa, I think what WH is feeling are the by products of good sex.



:rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> It's a strange feeling really, looking at someone you spent so much time with, only to feel nothing when once they meant everything.
> 
> Meh



Yeah sure is , exactly. The other night l was looking at ex and thought that exact thing. It was so weird . Especially as she's not only just , well seems , a different person now but honestly , l would hardly recognize her if l passed her out somewhere.
lt was sorta creepy really . It had me thinking it might be time I don't see her anymore .
Do you still sort of go in and hang around a bit for your d , talk to ex and stuff or ?
Is it your old place or did she move out ?


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Yeah sure is , exactly. The other night l was looking at ex and thought that exact thing. It was so weird . Especially as she's not only just , well seems , a different person now but honestly , l would hardly recognize her if l passed her out somewhere.
> lt was sorta creepy really . *It had me thinking it might be time I don't see her anymore .*
> Do you still sort of go in and hang around a bit for your d , talk to ex and stuff or ?
> Is it your old place or did she move out ?


Personal opinion: The less I have to talk with, see, interact with, or otherwise be around ex, the better off I, and my daughter, become. The toxicity residual from the marriage interferes with my personal growth and creates discord for my daughter. She is my ex for a reason.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> My exwife doesn't even look like the same person to me. I think nothing changed and she actually looks the same it's just I don't see her the same way. Not in the fog anymore I guess.


My ex looks the same. I have only seen photos, but every single time I see a photo of him I wonder how in the hell someone so beautiful can be so wicked....

In the story of my life, he was the great deceiver.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> You know what else has been going on, The damn girls . Girls have sixth sense when it comes to man and woman, l am now certain of it. They fkg know , they've been tracking us the whole time.
> We've been sneaking about during school hrs or when hers has a sleep over and wangling all sorts of goodies. She even puts my coffee cups away bc l'm the only one that drinks coffee.
> 
> It turns out her d kiks my d whenever l've been around , to confirm with my that l wasn't at home that day or night. And they've been crossing checking notes and info now , "every day ", for wks it turns out.
> Even while l'm with my d the other night , sitting right beside her, she's kiking with T's girl , about "us" , as we speak.
> The way l found out was d causally says sooooo , what did you get up to today anyway dad ?
> l fell straight into it ,little [email protected] .I said ahh nothin , just worked.
> She goes , ohh , right :scratchhead: and there was a tone in it .
> And then a minute later she goes oh , just talking to T , { that's little T } - ****** , l knew she had me. So then l said , oh yeah l did just have to go over to T's about something too but apart from that
> She goes oh
> 
> So later she went to have a shower and left that damn ipad on and right beside me so l checked. This goes back 6fkg wks. Little T's been going over every inch of the house every night and they compare times, notes , stuff. My d's even told her exactly how l have my coffee and they've spotted the different milk in the fridge . We've been seen places, they've been all over it since day one.



:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

so, the cat's out of the bag! Time to come clean? And hope for the best?

If you get asked directly, you can't lie. Well, you could, but I wouldn't recommend it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think you should talk to your D and tell her that yes, you are dating but that you didn't tell her because a) your personal life is your business and b) you don't want her to get her hopes up, and as soon as anything changes or becomes serious, you'll let her know. And then tell the GF what you said so she doesn't misread the 'serious' comment. The girls don't need to be heartbroken if it doesn't work out but hiding it isn't going to work now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think you should talk to your D and tell her that yes, you are dating but that you didn't tell her because a) your personal life is your business and b) you don't want her to get her hopes up, and as soon as anything changes or becomes serious, you'll let her know. And then tell the GF what you said so she doesn't misread the 'serious' comment. The girls don't need to be heartbroken if it doesn't work out but hiding it isn't going to work now.


I agree with this! Instead of trying to act all sneaky about it, which isnt working anyway, just be honest! Makes life SO much easier!


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> You know what else has been going on, The damn girls . Girls have sixth sense when it comes to man and woman, l am now certain of it. They fkg know , they've been tracking us the whole time.
> We've been sneaking about during school hrs or when hers has a sleep over and wangling all sorts of goodies. She even puts my coffee cups away bc l'm the only one that drinks coffee.
> 
> It turns out her d kiks my d whenever l've been around , to confirm with my that l wasn't at home that day or night. And they've been crossing checking notes and info now , "every day ", for wks it turns out.
> Even while l'm with my d the other night , sitting right beside her, she's kiking with T's girl , about "us" , as we speak.
> The way l found out was d causally says sooooo , what did you get up to today anyway dad ?
> l fell straight into it ,little [email protected] .I said ahh nothin , just worked.
> She goes , ohh , right :scratchhead: and there was a tone in it .
> And then a minute later she goes oh , just talking to T , { that's little T } - ****** , l knew she had me. So then l said , oh yeah l did just have to go over to T's about something too but apart from that
> She goes oh
> 
> So later she went to have a shower and left that damn ipad on and right beside me so l checked. This goes back 6fkg wks. Little T's been going over every inch of the house every night and they compare times, notes , stuff. My d's even told her exactly how l have my coffee and they've spotted the different milk in the fridge . We've been seen places, they've been all over it since day one.


I find this adorable, reminds me of "The parent trap"


----------



## ne9907

browsing, browsing, browsing..... I honestly feel as if I know nothing about the dating world or men. A friend of mine recently told me:
"stop assuming what a man feels, he will tell you how he feels. They arent that complicated." so true!

I found this website... so far I like it!! 
Evan Marc Katz - Dating Coach


----------



## Arendt

NE: you are a charming person (and/or I am just in a good mood after working out waiting for Guatemalan to come over later). The dating coach site seems a little much in my book...I'd just buy a book actually 

You cannot generalize about men really. Some will tell you how they feel, some of us will not. and both for a myriad of reasons underneath. Everybody is their own person.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> NE: you are a charming person (and/or I am just in a good mood after working out waiting for Guatemalan to come over later). *The dating coach *site seems a little much in my book...I'd just buy a book actually
> 
> You cannot generalize about men really. Some will tell you how they feel, some of us will not. and both for a myriad of reasons underneath. Everybody is their own person.


:rofl:

I really am clueless!


----------



## Arendt

aren't we all? Its because we cannot we really make huge generalizations that we are so clueless...we have to figure out each person anew and give them their individual respect.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> aren't we all? Its because we cannot we really make huge generalizations that we are so clueless...we have to figure out each person anew and give them their individual respect.


That is so much work, omg!! 

I am kidding, lol!! 

Meeting people is hard work because we are all individuals, however, I stand to my previous statement. Men are not very complicated...


----------



## Arendt

I agree. People in general are not complicated: we all want to be treated well, like we matter, like we are important and then we treat the other person the same...Its not complicated stuff. I treat Guatemalan well: I listen to her, I compliment her, I give her help when she asks especially, I let her in on my thoughts and happenings, I let her be herself and do not try to change her, and make her laugh as much as I can. In bed I treat her like she is more important than me. I'm honest with her, and I never, ever put her down or call her names. In general I just treat her like she is a very important person whom I care about and who I want to see succeed in life regardless of me or not.

She doe s the same back and I am happy.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> I agree. People in general are not complicated: we all want to be treated well, like we matter, like we are important and then we treat the other person the same...Its not complicated stuff. I treat Guatemalan well: I listen to her, I compliment her, I give her help when she asks especially, I let her in on my thoughts and happenings, I let her be herself and do not try to change her, and make her laugh as much as I can. In bed I treat her like she is more important than me. I'm honest with her, and I never, ever put her down or call her names. In general I just treat her like she is a very important person whom I care about and who I want to see succeed in life regardless of me or not.
> 
> She doe s the same back and I am happy.


:iagree:

My thought proccess explained perfectly!!


----------



## Arendt

For me the real scary about about dating and being in a relationship is not that I think the other person will be dishonest and cheat, though that is a diligence to watch for. But if a person demonstrates a certain mettle in character over time they can be trusted probably.

The real danger, for me, is that I will slowly start to forget to treat the other person as important and take each other for granted: she will still be here even if I focus on my career for a few years and put her aside. She can carry the weight of the relationship and I will return when I see fit. And I will not show grace when she does not because I am the center all of a sudden. 

That is my danger...I was not codependent...I was the other thing..the me person. I've got a good start on overcoming that, and it shows in this new relationship. I'll probably need therapy for many years to keep me grounded...to make sure I have a third party to give me feedback on my behavior and to whom I have to be accountable in some way. A 12 step sponsor can do that too for me...but I think I have grown past that for now since I am not an addict of any real sort (accept addiction to myself...that is a lifelong problem likely for me).


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> For me the real scary about about dating and being in a relationship is not that I think the other person will be dishonest and cheat, though that is a diligence to watch for. But if a person demonstrates a certain mettle in character over time they can be trusted probably.
> 
> The real danger, for me, is that I will slowly start to forget to treat the other person as important and take each other for granted: she will still be here even if I focus on my career for a few years and put her aside. She can carry the weight of the relationship and I will return when I see fit. And I will not show grace when she does not because I am the center all of a sudden.
> 
> That is my danger...I was not codependent...I was the other thing..the me person. I've got a good start on overcoming that, and it shows in this new relationship. I'll probably need therapy for many years to keep me grounded...to make sure I have a third party to give me feedback on my behavior and to whom I have to be accountable in some way. A 12 step sponsor can do that too for me...but I think I have grown past that for now since I am not an addict of any real sort (accept addiction to myself...that is a lifelong problem likely for me).


You have great introspection, which is vitaly important in keeping yourself grounded. 

For me, I am a bag full of in love kittens one day, then cold as ice the next. I am not consistent with my emotions. I crave my independence but want the other person to be within arm's reach when I need him. 
Perhaps I have always been this way, I have no reference point per say because ex never discussed any of my shortcomings or showed displeasure with my actions.
I am also not emotionally expressive, in the rare event that i do show emotions, I invalidate them with a snarky remark. 
I must become emotionally healthy before I attempt any type of serious relationship. I am not. 

THug life yo!! <--------- example of my emotional dysfunction.


----------



## Arendt

Maybe...you can also learn as you go with the right person who is able to show you grace. How do you become healthy without practicing it? How do you become available without doing it? I doubt it happens only in an office or in a book, though those might be tools along the way too. It happens in the doing. I had a two year separation in which I did my best to practice being the opposite of what I was, but she chose not to accept it. I could not have done that in the isolation of my home. I also got to practice it with friends, by making new ones (learning people's names for god sake and just smiling). A new woman is benefiting from all that work now.

Somebody is here now...so my night of posting is cut short


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> Maybe...you can also learn as you go with the right person who is able to show you grace. How do you become healthy without practicing it? How do you become available without doing it? I doubt it happens only in an office or in a book, though those might be tools along the way too. It happens in the doing. I had a two year separation in which I did my best to practice being the opposite of what I was, but she chose not to accept it. I could not have done that in the isolation of my home. I also got to practice it with friends, by making new ones (learning people's names for god sake and just smiling). A new woman is benefiting from all that work now.
> 
> Somebody is here now...so my night of posting is cut short


Enjoy


----------



## whitehawk

Have to come back later but just reading this stuff ,l hear it all.
l don't mean to , really , but l can get a bit too about me in a relationship to and it's something l know l'll always have to watch now. It's often been more about the stuff going on in my side of life which often tends to be the bigger [email protected] so it just took up a lot more thought space. But l've discovered it was more like l let it take up a lot more space but it doesn't have to be that way if l practice just "dropping it " and making time to enjoy the other person more and all of their stuff too . These days l'm finding l really enjoy it to and it helps me to switch of from my stuff .
T is great for me like that , l just love listening to that voice of hers and that's turning out a real blessing for my growth and this stuff l've been working on.

So much one on one time with my d has helped no end to . l mean you just have to drop your own stuff don't you. Focus on them , enjoy them . It's been really good for me.


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think you should talk to your D and tell her that yes, you are dating but that you didn't tell her because a) your personal life is your business and b) you don't want her to get her hopes up, and as soon as anything changes or becomes serious, you'll let her know. And then tell the GF what you said so she doesn't misread the 'serious' comment. The girls don't need to be heartbroken if it doesn't work out but hiding it isn't going to work now.



Haha , parent traps right , little [email protected] 

Thanks Enjoli and Fenix and yep we're definitely busted because l remembered something else. We're careful in text to bc they're always playing with our phones so we try to remember to delete any of the good stuff but some of their notes :rofl: , yep talking real notes here , it's like some well oiled machine but anyway , l couldn't figure out where they could've got some of the stuff but ding , she's been over T's phone with a fine tooth comb, we're screwed 

Got a feeling l might be back here for some serious advice in the near future


----------



## RandomDude

Daughter asked me when I'm coming home again... it's almost like she still doesn't understand she has two homes now and still identifies 'home' with our old house. Meh, surprised really, I thought ex had already settled this with her. Bah!


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah, that's what it will be like for her rd. It's damn hard on them , not sure what the answer is . Mines 13 now so that helps a bit.


----------



## whitehawk

One of ex's gripes was d never gets family holidays but hey , how the hell can she have family holidays now , ever .

Anyway l've been just running little ideas past her over the last few mths for the school holidays and hoping a bit of time to get use to the idea might help . So l've been thinking about maybe just going down the coast for a few days together, great little town down there l've been dying to check out. Thinking she might like it and it's not too far away from mum for a first run. There's a rain forest walk on the way to so that'd be pretty cool, she loves rain forest .

So l ran that one past her today and she loves the idea so that was a relief. Think the getting use to the idea times helped a lot and she's really exited .
Talk about relieved so, looks like we'll be going on our first just the two of us holiday by the looks . Really hoping it doesn't actually make this stuff sink in or upset her when the time comes or anything like that.


----------



## BaxJanson

Since I got laid off on Monday, mine's been super grating on my nerves.

She invited me to take my night with the kids earlier in the week, then when I get there - the day I was laid off - she's there with her mother, and has scheduled two different therapy sessions for our daughter. And her therapists and her are just the best of friends.

Then next morning, I woe up to a text from her explaining that, although she knew she was just going to get the silent treatment from me, she had to explain that she's never enjoyed seeing me suffer - it's just not who she is. And that she misses talking with me.

And then she and her best friend have been hitting my inbox with places to submit resumes - almost uniformly menial work or data entry. I swear, I'll work night shift at walmart before I apply to one of her jobs!


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Haha , parent traps right , little [email protected]
> 
> Thanks Enjoli and Fenix and yep we're definitely busted because l remembered something else. We're careful in text to bc they're always playing with our phones so we try to remember to delete any of the good stuff but some of their notes :rofl: , yep talking real notes here , it's like some well oiled machine but anyway , l couldn't figure out where they could've got some of the stuff but ding , she's been over T's phone with a fine tooth comb, we're screwed
> 
> Got a feeling l might be back here for some serious advice in the near future


Good luck, WH! On the plus side, the girls like each other and T likes your D too.  Now, it is all about managing their expectations.


----------



## Fenix

BaxJanson said:


> Then next morning, I woe up to a text from her explaining that, although she knew she was just going to get the silent treatment from me, she had to explain that she's never enjoyed seeing me suffer - it's just not who she is. And that she misses talking with me.


Oh barf. I really dislike the faux support/sympathy. It makes them feel better but really doesn't do much for you (does it?).

Sorry to hear about the lay off Bax. Was it totally unexpected?


----------



## moxy

So, I haven't heard from Guy in a while. Bummed about it. Seriously felling blue. Not sure what happened or why. It's not in my hands, though. So, I'm trying to do the stuff one is expected to do. I met an attractive professor in a different field, but I tend to think of work as off limits, so maybe we will just be friends. I met another handsome soldier (who happens to be uncannily like Guy in certain ways, which is probably why I was susceptible to his charms) and GIJoe 2.0 seems really into me, which is nice. My heart is stuck on Guy, though, so I feel like I'm just going through the motions just to stave off sadness even though I like the attention. Ugh. Yeah, that was a depressing update.


----------



## Fenix

Hugs to you, moxy.


----------



## ne9907

Aww, I am sorry you are feeling so crummy Moxy, 

Hugs to you and hope you feel better soon


----------



## ne9907

Is it weird for a 37 yo woman to think a 20 yo guy is hot?
Trevor Knight (OU QB) is oh so freaking delicious!!


----------



## bandit.45

I'm sorry Guy blew you off Moxy. Sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Syrian told me she wanted to take some time off from each other last night. Sucks. I'm thinking she's found a new guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told me she wanted to take some time off from each other last night. Sucks. I'm thinking she's found a new guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, man. That is really crummy!  I'm sorry, bandit. I hope that whatever happens works out for the best for both of you.



bandit.45 said:


> I'm sorry Guy blew you off Moxy. Sucks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It really, really does. Things were going well and we were having fun. If he wanted to be done with me, he could have at least told me so instead of pulling a Houdini.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Oh, man. That is really crummy!  I'm sorry, bandit. I hope that whatever happens works out for the best for both of you.
> 
> 
> 
> It really, really does. Things were going well and we were having fun. If he wanted to be done with me, he could have at least told me so instead of pulling a Houdini.


Well, he rarely played fair with you. I think you are better off really. He was too flakey. You don't need flakes in your life. Neither do I.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Well, he rarely played fair with you. I think you are better off really. He was too flakey. You don't need flakes in your life. Neither do I.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yep sorry bout that mox but really ,gotta go with this one . It's always been flakey , flakeys just not into it. Do yourself a favor and leave it be.

Sorry to hear that to b but eh , sometimes l reckon life does have a plan for us in the big picture though .


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told me she wanted to take some time off from each other last night. Sucks. I'm thinking she's found a new guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry Bandit 
How are you doing?



moxy said:


> It really, really does. Things were going well and we were having fun. If he wanted to be done with me, he could have at least told me so instead of pulling a Houdini.



do you really think he is done with you? He has done this in the past, I think he will contact you again. I hope when he does you have the strength to do what you must in order to protect your heart and well being.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> My ex looks the same. I have only seen photos, but every single time I see a photo of him I wonder how in the hell someone so beautiful can be so wicked....
> 
> In the story of my life, he was the great deceiver.


I think that statement says more about you then him. Let him go NE. 
Be honest with yourself, it doesn't have to be the story of your life. Rejection is so hard...it is so hard! BUT there is someone out there for you who is just as beautiful to you and will treat you right you just have to be ready for it. You have to make yourself ready


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told me she wanted to take some time off from each other last night. Sucks. I'm thinking she's found a new guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 sorry brother...do yourself a favor and don't dwell to much. First things first do something for yourself. Never lose the thought in the back of your mind that you have to do it or be it for yourself, it is what keeps US or ourselves...no one will like or respect you if you aren't you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told me she wanted to take some time off from each other last night. Sucks. I'm thinking she's found a new guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn, sorry Bandit. 

Appears there are at least three of us wallowing for a bit, here


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt, NE, WH, Bandit, Bax, 3x...etc sorry if I missed someone but hard for me to keep up with the new pages...Be who you need to be and do what you love and keep working on yourself and open your heart and that person will just fit in when it needs to


----------



## Another Planet

Love is so weird 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ju8Hr50Ckwk&list=PL1cin08tyci4U4ZUqWHO_M2aGDXkG_-n9&index=8


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Syrian told me she wanted to take some time off from each other last night. Sucks. I'm thinking she's found a new guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Sorry you're hurting. I think you always knew this relationship had an expiration date. At least it was really fun while it lasted. 



moxy said:


> It really, really does. Things were going well and we were having fun. If he wanted to be done with me, he could have at least told me so instead of pulling a Houdini.


Houdini acts are the worst. So hurtful. At least they could have the decency to be upfront and honest. Sorry, m.

Guys, I hope this doesn't sound cavalier. All I can say is enjoy the good times those friendships brought. Be comforted by the thought that you were honest and straightforward and put yourself out there. THAT is a very good thing.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> Damn, sorry Bandit.
> 
> Appears there are at least three of us wallowing for a bit, here


See... Proof that dating others is more trouble than what it's worth. 

You guys should just date yourselves for awhile. Will be the best match you've ever met!


----------



## moxy

My heart is stubborn, so it's still full of Guy, though my life is feeling his absence. That's okay, my phone's been full hot dudes with a way with naughty words. If I want to play, I could do so. GIJoe 2.0 is sweet; actually wants to date me, not just bang me. Balm for the heart-wounds, I suppose. 

I usually don't date much. Spent years being solo after ex-h and realized I was missing out on some fun, so...back in the game for a while.


----------



## TooNice

I'm so sorry for those of you who are feeling down today. 

Hugs.


----------



## bravenewworld

Wow, seems like this all came in a big wave. Hugs to everyone hurting - it's not easy even when it's not a "serious" relationship. Air quotes because I think people we romantically connect with do occupy a space in our minds/hearts even when it's not twue wuv so to speak. And losing hot sex always sucks! 

Sending you all road trip sunsets, good beer, long hikes in nice weather, and tubs of ice cream with comfort movies.

Today ten year younger is coming over to my place to hang out and snuggle/sun out/meet pets. I'm excited! And nervous! Never easy to put yourself out there.....


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> It really, really does. Things were going well and we were having fun. If he wanted to be done with me, he could have at least told me so instead of pulling a Houdini.


Houdini acts are so cowardly! It sucks because not only is the relationship over, but you lose respect for a person who deals with others like that. 

My divorce was basically one big Houdini act, so I feel your pain. No bueno.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Damn, sorry Bandit.
> 
> Appears there are at least three of us wallowing for a bit, here


Yeah. It amazes me how fast a woman can detach herself from her man once a more attractive buck walks into the meadow. She's coming over today to get some things she left here and I'm going to ask her for the truth. Been down this road before. I know the signs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah. It amazes me how fast a woman can detach herself from her man once a more attractive buck walks into the meadow. She's coming over today to get some things she left here and I'm going to ask her for the truth. Been down this road before. I know the signs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Men do the same when a doe with longer lashes and legs wanders nearby to graze....

Dating is not for the weak. Seriously. Sending you peace and strength Bandit.


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> Men do the same when a doe with longer lashes and legs wanders nearby to graze....
> 
> .


I've never done that when in a committed relationship 

Syrian is a chaser. Once she catches her prey she gets bored and moves on to the next prey. It's all about the chase.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> I've never done that when in a committed relationship
> 
> Syrian is a chaser. Once she catches her prey she gets bored and moves on to the next prey. It's all about the chase.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea, some women and men are just hardwired like that. I dated a guy earlier in the year just like Syrian - tons of emotional walls up and I think he found it easier just to move on to the next person rather than open up and be truly vulnerable. 

The good news is him moving along allowed me to meet someone hotter, kinder, funnier, and younger!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I think that statement says more about you then him. Let him go NE.
> Be honest with yourself, it doesn't have to be the story of your life. Rejection is so hard...it is so hard! BUT there is someone out there for you who is just as beautiful to you and will treat you right you just have to be ready for it. You have to make yourself ready


Thank you AP for your kind words. My experience with ex husband has definitely tainted my views on life, love, and relationships. Sometimes, I really think I do not know how to love. But of course that is just the pain talking. For the most part, I have let him go. I want nothing to do with him. 
Once Blue eyes leaves, I am going to stop the entire dating experience for a long while. I must work on myself. Blue eyes was a great rebound, but my emotions got in the way! It always happens, but it has been so much fun!!


----------



## Arendt

Sorry to hear others are having some troubles. 

I had a great weekend though. Guatemalan and I spent most of it together. Together we learned how to cook some new things (she showed me this time), watch part of a movie, took a long walk on the lakefront, sat by the water watching the waves, drinking coffee and talking about life, went on an architectural tour of the city, had sex as much as we wanted (!), and she invited me home to meet her 2 year old boy, which I accepted.

We talked over the weekend about many things but she expressed apprehension that once I got to see her as a mother I would want to back off of the relationship. So she said it would be helpful to know sooner than later how I might handle her and her kids if we keep going. Since her 2 year old would be easier to meet, and would less risk in terms of him having questions about me and seeing me in negative terms, she thought it would be fine if I came home with her to meet him. Clearly, she has been thinking about that issue: I'm a 39 year old man who has no kids and has never, ever had to deal with a woman with her responsibilities. I've never been second fiddle in a woman's life. Dating her alone is one thing, but what about when she has to feed her kid, bathe her kid, and play with her kid rather than having adult conversations with me? I understood that and since I heard women here say that a two year old would not be too much drama in terms of it being early, and since I figure she as a mother knows better than I do when it is appropriate to meet her kids, I went with her.

He's adorable. I didn't expect to. I secretly thought I would see him as a little pain in the ass actually. He demands attention, that is for sure. But he's a cute little kid. She clearly loves the kid to death, so I was glad to go. I played with him a little by making lion sounds, racing with him around the yard when we went for a walk in her neighborhood, and showing him my arm tattoos which he found fascinating. (She probably needs to keep all markers from him even more so now  ). I only cursed once accidentally, which wasn't a huge deal, but I do need to watch that.

She seemed really happy that I handled it all well and was around. I stayed at her place and fell asleep pretty early. So I got to see him in the morning too...he woke up and started singing in his bed, which was not a bad way to be woken up actually. Anyway...maybe I shoudl have, maybe I should not have, but I went with her and met one of her children. 

I was fine with it all and it probably helped her a lot to know I don't eat children.


----------



## whitehawk

Haha there's a coincidence. l just came in to talk about something with my d .

But you'd be fine Ardt, it's all just in there ,instinct .
The only trouble is, once or twice is fine but if you start being around him a lot he'll get very attached to you. So, then if things don't work out with you guys and you disappear , he'll be upset for mths . Seen it a lot. 
Best to really know it's working out into a long term thing before spending too much time with him.
Where's his dad btw ?
One reason it's best to hang right back with that stuff until people are sure about their sitch


----------



## ne9907

I have spent the weekend with my family. I am feeling so freaking happy!!
I am a happy person by nature, but today I feel great!


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> Haha there's a coincidence. l just came in to talk about something with my d .
> 
> But you'd be fine Ardt, it's all just in there ,instinct .
> The only trouble is, once or twice is fine but if you start being around him a lot he'll get very attached to you. So, then if things don't work out with you guys and you disappear , he'll be upset for mths . Seen it a lot.
> Best to really know it's working out into a long term thing before spending too much time with him.
> Where's his dad btw ?
> One reason it's best to hang right back with that stuff until people are sure about their sitch


:iagree:

WH makes an EXCELLENT point.


----------



## Arendt

whitehawk said:


> Haha there's a coincidence. l just came in to talk about something with my d .
> 
> But you'd be fine Ardt, it's all just in there ,instinct .
> The only trouble is, once or twice is fine but if you start being around him a lot he'll get very attached to you. So, then if things don't work out with you guys and you disappear , he'll be upset for mths . Seen it a lot.
> Best to really know it's working out into a long term thing before spending too much time with him.
> Where's his dad btw ?
> One reason it's best to hang right back with that stuff until people are sure about their sitch


Yeah I know that stuff. I'm quite certain she does too. So its really a matter of how _much _I am around him, not if at all. I was around him for about an hour and a half total. 

His father is in the area and sees him weekly. Not interested in meeting him at all. He hit her at one point in the marriage and she kicked him out.


----------



## whitehawk

l swear my d's physic. Actually we have often thought that but anyway .
T's been interstate for 4 days . And she gets home last night and sends me a text to say hi and let me know they made it back ok .
Few text all day from different people , nothin. D never takes much notice of my text ring goin of.
Get one from T , she pricks up her ears and starts watching me , few more and she moved over closer. Back and forth for 1/2 hour and l swear , d did not drop the ball for one second . We couldn't even get mushy , it's like she would've known.
l thought she must've known , maybe little T's been kiking her all the way back ,maybe they had a time and system worked out :scratchhead:
l've gotta hack that damn ipad of hers again , just to see ,  , little rascals .

And now , the kids are on holidays for 2wks and we're catching up later but we'll have an audience so we'll have to hold back , like way back . it could even be for another 2wks yet . Ohhh that's gonna hurt .


----------



## TooNice

So, my new place is coming together nicely, and I'm adjusting to this solo thing. I'm still navigating a lot of emotions, and trust that will go on for some time. 

I did however, take the advice of someone here and put myself on a dating site. Just to see what would happen. And you know what? I went on a date today. This guy contacted me last night, and I really enjoyed chatting with him. So we met for coffee today and spent a couple of hours talking. 

It was nice. Really nice. Even if I don't see him again, it was a good first post-separation date.

So, yeah. I know the path is still very long, but I guess I'm taking the first steps.


----------



## ne9907

Today has been such an amazing day! 
Whenever I am happy, I begin to think about romantic love a lot!!
I feel as if there is a light in my chest! it is so scary! 
I feel that whoever I fall in love with is going to be so freaking lucky and happy because I have so much love to give, that it drives me mad at times!!
Ok... yeah... I am a bit tipsy but gosh... the next person who will steal my heart is going to be extremely happy!
I am so happy, I feel like crying because I feel so happy!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> l swear my d's physic. Actually we have often thought that but anyway .
> T's been interstate for 4 days . And she gets home last night and sends me a text to say hi and let me know they made it back ok .
> Few text all day from different people , nothin. D never takes much notice of my text ring goin of.
> Get one from T , she pricks up her ears and starts watching me , few more and she moved over closer. Back and forth for 1/2 hour and l swear , d did not drop the ball for one second . We couldn't even get mushy , it's like she would've known.
> l thought she must've known , maybe little T's been kiking her all the way back ,maybe they had a time and system worked out :scratchhead:
> l've gotta hack that damn ipad of hers again , just to see ,  , little rascals .
> 
> And now , the kids are on holidays for 2wks and we're catching up later but we'll have an audience so we'll have to hold back , like way back . it could even be for another 2wks yet . Ohhh that's gonna hurt .



You really need to stop trying to be sneaky, and just be open with everything. Then she can stop doing that. Just let her know that you are interested in each other and are just seeing how things go between you. Tell her that its too early to know which way it will go, that she needs to understand if it doesnt work out, but that you are enjoying T's company for now.


----------



## moxy

I don't want to be sad, but despite the bravado, I'm totally gutted. I'll bounce back, but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I am going to sleep extra hours this week in the hopes of dulling the edge of negativity.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I don't want to be sad, but despite the bravado, I'm totally gutted. I'll bounce back, but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I am going to sleep extra hours this week in the hopes of dulling the edge of negativity.


I really hope you feel better soon! Miss our Moxy!!


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> You really need to stop trying to be sneaky, and just be open with everything. Then she can stop doing that. Just let her know that you are interested in each other and are just seeing how things go between you. Tell her that its too early to know which way it will go, that she needs to understand if it doesnt work out, but that you are enjoying T's company for now.


Do you think that'd be ok hu . No choice now l guess.

See the thing is , little T and l have always been really close . So we just didn't want her to get her hopes up so early on.

And then my d , she's still adjusting to this whole new divorced life and she's done so well. But we we're worried it's just too soon for any other women just yet , in any form.

So , we planned on keeping things under our hat for awhile yet from both . 
But hu , they were too good for us :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I don't want to be sad, but despite the bravado, I'm totally gutted. I'll bounce back, but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I am going to sleep extra hours this week in the hopes of dulling the edge of negativity.


It's OK to be sad for a little while and lick your wounds. Just don't wallow in it and stay there for too long. *hugs*


----------



## BaxJanson

Checking in now that I've got the littles down. Seems like a turbulent weekend all over the place!

Took them out to the swimming pool this afternoon. Had a blast with them, taught them to float. I was swimming along under the water with my son on my back, and was surprised to find not one, but two pairs of speculative eyes on me as I surfaced. Perhaps my resemblance to the sta-puft marshmallow man isn't as pronounced as I once thought it was.

Now if only I could figure out what do in response to those measuring glances besides blush! (Stupid fair skin.)

And yeah, when I got the axe, it was enough of a surprise to catch me off-guard, but not so much so that I hadn't felt the air in the office turning stale before it came.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I don't want to be sad, but despite the bravado, I'm totally gutted. I'll bounce back, but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I am going to sleep extra hours this week in the hopes of dulling the edge of negativity.


I'm right there with you.


----------



## whitehawk

BaxJanson said:


> Checking in now that I've got the littles down. Seems like a turbulent weekend all over the place!
> 
> Took them out to the swimming pool this afternoon. Had a blast with them, taught them to float. I was swimming along under the water with my son on my back, and was surprised to find not one, but two pairs of speculative eyes on me as I surfaced. Perhaps my resemblance to the sta-puft marshmallow man isn't as pronounced as I once thought it was.
> 
> Now if only I could figure out what do in response to those measuring glances besides blush! (Stupid fair skin.)
> 
> And yeah, when I got the axe, it was enough of a surprise to catch me off-guard, but not so much so that I hadn't felt the air in the office turning stale before it came.



Sorry about the job Bax.Hopefully something comes up.

And the glances , well l've never been very good in that type of situation myself.
But the first thing that comes to mind is they all look and perv, so check for wedding rings , kids and extra towels to maybe the bf and stuff before we embarrass ourselves.
Learnt that one the hard way myself . :rofl:


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> I don't want to be sad, but despite the bravado, I'm totally gutted. I'll bounce back, but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I am going to sleep extra hours this week in the hopes of dulling the edge of negativity.


Does sleep dull negativity for you? Extra sleep just makes me more depressed. Sleep is comforting though, but for me it doesn't help me be less sad it just prolongs it all.

For me, exercise takes my mind away from it all and releases other stuff in my mind and body that can help me cope.


----------



## moxy

Arendt said:


> Does sleep dull negativity for you? Extra sleep just makes me more depressed. Sleep is comforting though, but for me it doesn't help me be less sad it just prolongs it all.
> 
> For me, exercise takes my mind away from it all and releases other stuff in my mind and body that can help me cope.


Sometimes working out can be helpful; these days, it's doing nothing for me. I've exercised myself sore this weekend. Seriously, even walking up the stairs is painful today -- but it feels better to focus on that than sadness. Sleep doesn't help me be less negative, but I can tune out the world for a while and that's what I want to do. Plus, if I am asleep, I can't cultivate the negative thoughts. Obviously, I can't tune out life when I'm at work, but downtime is something else entirely. My default state is detachment so when I feel a connection to someone, it fvcks me up.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Sometimes working out can be helpful; these days, it's doing nothing for me. I've exercised myself sore this weekend. Seriously, even walking up the stairs is painful today -- but it feels better to focus on that than sadness. Sleep doesn't help me be less negative, but I can tune out the world for a while and that's what I want to do. *Plus, if I am asleep, I can't cultivate the negative thoughts. *Obviously, I can't tune out life when I'm at work, but downtime is something else entirely. My default state is detachment so when I feel a connection to someone, it fvcks me up.


This is me, I LOVE going to sleep because then I cannot think. I get relief from the constant raging spiral that is my mind.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> This is me, I LOVE going to sleep because then I cannot think. I get relief from the constant raging spiral that is my mind.


I do too!!

I absolutely love sleeping. My dreams are amazing, here is my latest!!

I was in Mexico, walking towards the home I lived in when I was a child. I had to go inside the house to retrieve something that was inside. I went inside and a huge humanoid figure came charging at me. He was strange looking, with gray pale skin, naked, overweight, his eyes were extremely small and black, he had no hair.He was just a blob of gray and fat. 
He grabbed me by the neck and slammed me against a wall. I began to battle him, we fought hard and for a very long time. I knew I could not possibly defeat him so the next time he slammed my body against the wall, I ran away.

In Mexico, where I lived, the back of my house was connected to another property. There was just a stone wall separating the houses, but if I had to go to this house in the back of mine, I had to run around the block.

So I ran, I ran around the block, up a small hill, to the house connected to my own house where the humanoid had almost ended my life. Did I know why he wanted me dead? No. But I knew he would do everything within his power to kill me.

I made it to the house, I was running so fast, I jumped the brick wall, I saw a truck, and a light inside the house.
At that precise moment, I knew blue eyes was the owner of such home. I knew I was safe. I knew he was alone. I knew he was in the house. 

When I saw the truck, I thought to myself, what if he is with someone? But the idea was laughable and impossible. 
I pushed the door, and walked inside. Blue eyes was sleeping, laying on his bed, but woke up when I opened the door. He told me to hide.

Now, because the homes were only separated by a brick wall, the humanoid had jumped the wall, apparently he also had rights to blue eyes house. But he could not go inside without explicit permission.

After telling me to hide, blue eyes went outside the bedroom to the living room to answer the door. The humanoid was at the threshold, waiting to be invited in. 

THe humanoid began to say that an intruder had entered the house, he knew this, because he had marked the intruder (me) with a special magic and he could sense my presence in blue eyes homes.

Blue then said, there was no intruder in the home, just himself. Blue would not let the humanoid in.
The humanoid complained, asked to be let in, but blue would not. The humanoid joked that he could come in if he wanted to.
But Blue knew better, he laughed and reminded the humanoid that the laws of land prohibited anyone from entering his home without explicit verbal or mental consent. 
I was able to go in Blue's home because he had wanted me to go in.

THe humanoid became agitated, angry, threatened to go inside the house at all cost. He wanted me dead. He could fell my scent.
Finally, Blue said if there was an intruder in his house, he would call the police. The humanoid left, but waited outside in the patio for me to come out and end me.

Blue went back in his house, told me to take a shower (to erase the scent the humanoid had put on me) and finally told me that I could not stay with him long, that I had to defeat the humanoid, that he knew I could defeat him.

I went in the bathroom and woke up.


See? I love dreaming


----------



## movealong

Mixed bag of a weekend for me. The lady I’ve been seeing I have known since 2nd grade. We lost touch after high school and then got back in touch on facebook a while back. We’ve been seeing each other for about 3 weeks. At first it was fun, but it soon turned to red flags for me.

It seemed like any time we talked she had something to say about her two X’s. Good lord, it took all of about 3 conversations to get tired of that. She has soooo much resentment stored up at her first ex that anytime something is said it bubbles over and spills out. I don’t blame her, but it has been 18 years since the divorce. And anything about her second ex is negative too. I know way more about them than I wanted to at any point in this time period. Then she tells me about an affair she had with a married man. Ach!! WTF do you want me to do with that info?

So, anyway, we were chilling out yesterday and she brings up “us” and says something about long term relationship. This is something we had not talked about previously, so I was caught a little off guard. And I just told her, gently as I could, that there were several red flags and that I was not ready for a LTR with her because of her resentments. As an AA, I could not stand to be around that much resentment all of the time because it would cause me to resent her, and resentment is the number one cause of relapse. And for me, to drink is to knowingly start a slow suicide. NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN.

I tried to gently talk to her about her resentments, and suggested she might find “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie to be a good book to read. She then, quite seriously, said “I should work the steps”, to which I replied “I think you would benefit greatly from doing that.” I told her that I had some names and numbers of ladies in my groups that could really help her (men are not supposed to work with women and vice versa), but she said she would do it on her own. 

Ugh! I liked her, but it sure did not take long for me to recognize her codependency and why I was initially attracted to her outside of her attractiveness. I am moving along, but not with her. I’ll try to be there to answer questions, but nothing more.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> Mixed bag of a weekend for me. The lady I’ve been seeing I have known since 2nd grade. We lost touch after high school and then got back in touch on facebook a while back. We’ve been seeing each other for about 3 weeks. At first it was fun, but it soon turned to red flags for me.
> 
> It seemed like any time we talked she had something to say about her two X’s. Good lord, it took all of about 3 conversations to get tired of that. She has soooo much resentment stored up at her first ex that anytime something is said it bubbles over and spills out. I don’t blame her, but it has been 18 years since the divorce. And anything about her second ex is negative too. I know way more about them than I wanted to at any point in this time period. Then she tells me about an affair she had with a married man. Ach!! WTF do you want me to do with that info?
> 
> So, anyway, we were chilling out yesterday and she brings up “us” and says something about long term relationship. This is something we had not talked about previously, so I was caught a little off guard. And I just told her, gently as I could, that there were several red flags and that I was not ready for a LTR with her because of her resentments. As an AA, I could not stand to be around that much resentment all of the time because it would cause me to resent her, and resentment is the number one cause of relapse. And for me, to drink is to knowingly start a slow suicide. NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN.
> 
> I tried to gently talk to her about her resentments, and suggested she might find “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie to be a good book to read. She then, quite seriously, said “I should work the steps”, to which I replied “I think you would benefit greatly from doing that.” I told her that I had some names and numbers of ladies in my groups that could really help her (men are not supposed to work with women and vice versa), but she said she would do it on her own.
> 
> Ugh! I liked her, but it sure did not take long for me to recognize her codependency and why I was initially attracted to her outside of her attractiveness. I am moving along, but not with her. I’ll try to be there to answer questions, but nothing more.


She's clearly not ready for a healthy relationship. Good for you for seeing it, and for being able to step back and be objective about the whole thing, and for putting yourself first. There's someone else out there who is a better fit for you.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Mixed bag of a weekend for me. The lady I’ve been seeing I have known since 2nd grade. We lost touch after high school and then got back in touch on facebook a while back. We’ve been seeing each other for about 3 weeks. At first it was fun, but it soon turned to red flags for me.
> 
> It seemed like any time we talked she had something to say about her two X’s. Good lord, it took all of about 3 conversations to get tired of that. She has soooo much resentment stored up at her first ex that anytime something is said it bubbles over and spills out. I don’t blame her, but it has been 18 years since the divorce. And anything about her second ex is negative too. I know way more about them than I wanted to at any point in this time period. Then she tells me about an affair she had with a married man. Ach!! WTF do you want me to do with that info?
> 
> So, anyway, we were chilling out yesterday and she brings up “us” and says something about long term relationship. This is something we had not talked about previously, so I was caught a little off guard. And I just told her, gently as I could, that there were several red flags and that I was not ready for a LTR with her because of her resentments. As an AA, I could not stand to be around that much resentment all of the time because it would cause me to resent her, and resentment is the number one cause of relapse. And for me, to drink is to knowingly start a slow suicide. NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN.
> 
> I tried to gently talk to her about her resentments, and suggested she might find “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie to be a good book to read. She then, quite seriously, said “I should work the steps”, to which I replied “I think you would benefit greatly from doing that.” I told her that I had some names and numbers of ladies in my groups that could really help her (men are not supposed to work with women and vice versa), but she said she would do it on her own.
> 
> Ugh! I liked her, but it sure did not take long for me to recognize her codependency and why I was initially attracted to her outside of her attractiveness. I am moving along, but not with her. I’ll try to be there to answer questions, but nothing more.


Personally, if anyone talks bad about their ex, it is a big read flag for me. I could eventually be that ex. 
It is wonderful that you saw the red flags and were able to move away from this relationship.
I do remember that the first time you two had sex wasn't great. Perhaps that aided in your decision to end things. 
Good for you for recognizing your needs.

Keep moving forward


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> This is me, I LOVE going to sleep because then I cannot think. I get relief from the constant raging spiral that is my mind.


I have to be careful about the sleep... it can make it worse for me, sometimes. I am a very deep sleeper, and sometimes have dreams that are so vivid and strong, and have such an intense emotional impact, that it can take me hours to recover from them.

But they do sometimes help me to identify the subconscious feelings and issues that I'm trying to sort out for myself, so I find that aspect helpful.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I have to be careful about the sleep... it can make it worse for me, sometimes. I am a very deep sleeper, and sometimes have dreams that are so vivid and strong, and have such an intense emotional impact, that it can take me hours to recover from them.
> 
> But they do sometimes help me to identify the subconscious feelings and issues that I'm trying to sort out for myself, so I find that aspect helpful.


Absolutely
My latest dream is a prime example of my subconscious aiding my life.
I have to deal with my issues by myself. I cannot expect a man (blue eyes) to help me. He has aid me in the process, he will not be present forever, and I must face my fears and defeat my demons alone. Because I can do it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I do too!!
> 
> I absolutely love sleeping. My dreams are amazing, here is my latest!!
> 
> I was in Mexico, walking towards the home I lived in when I was a child. I had to go inside the house to retrieve something that was inside. I went inside and a huge humanoid figure came charging at me. He was strange looking, with gray pale skin, naked, overweight, his eyes were extremely small and black, he had no hair.He was just a blob of gray and fat.
> He grabbed me by the neck and slammed me against a wall. I began to battle him, we fought hard and for a very long time. I knew I could not possibly defeat him so the next time he slammed my body against the wall, I ran away.
> 
> In Mexico, where I lived, the back of my house was connected to another property. There was just a stone wall separating the houses, but if I had to go to this house in the back of mine, I had to run around the block.
> 
> So I ran, I ran around the block, up a small hill, to the house connected to my own house where the humanoid had almost ended my life. Did I know why he wanted me dead? No. But I knew he would do everything within his power to kill me.
> 
> I made it to the house, I was running so fast, I jumped the brick wall, I saw a truck, and a light inside the house.
> At that precise moment, I knew blue eyes was the owner of such home. I knew I was safe. I knew he was alone. I knew he was in the house.
> 
> When I saw the truck, I thought to myself, what if he is with someone? But the idea was laughable and impossible.
> I pushed the door, and walked inside. Blue eyes was sleeping, laying on his bed, but woke up when I opened the door. He told me to hide.
> 
> Now, because the homes were only separated by a brick wall, the humanoid had jumped the wall, apparently he also had rights to blue eyes house. But he could not go inside without explicit permission.
> 
> After telling me to hide, blue eyes went outside the bedroom to the living room to answer the door. The humanoid was at the threshold, waiting to be invited in.
> 
> THe humanoid began to say that an intruder had entered the house, he knew this, because he had marked the intruder (me) with a special magic and he could sense my presence in blue eyes homes.
> 
> Blue then said, there was no intruder in the home, just himself. Blue would not let the humanoid in.
> The humanoid complained, asked to be let in, but blue would not. The humanoid joked that he could come in if he wanted to.
> But Blue knew better, he laughed and reminded the humanoid that the laws of land prohibited anyone from entering his home without explicit verbal or mental consent.
> I was able to go in Blue's home because he had wanted me to go in.
> 
> THe humanoid became agitated, angry, threatened to go inside the house at all cost. He wanted me dead. He could fell my scent.
> Finally, Blue said if there was an intruder in his house, he would call the police. The humanoid left, but waited outside in the patio for me to come out and end me.
> 
> Blue went back in his house, told me to take a shower (to erase the scent the humanoid had put on me) and finally told me that I could not stay with him long, that I had to defeat the humanoid, that he knew I could defeat him.
> 
> I went in the bathroom and woke up.
> 
> 
> See? I love dreaming


Those are very serious dreams. In old Icelandic lore these kinds of non-dead exist, as they do in most shamanistic traditions and still yet in modern day practice. Yes you do have to fight them, and you do need to win, otherwise this demon will kill you in real life. It's something in your own psyche that you need to face, you cannot keep hiding under the protection of a man. I think that this gray blob is your inner man, it is actually a part of you that you need to incorporate and make your ally, otherwise he will run rampant because you haven't accepted him. He wants to be a part of you, so that you don't have to seek safety from other men. He wants you, but only because you are only feeding and nourishing your female side, nature wants to be joined. If you don't take on this particular male (which is your other half you may have neglected) then it leaves you prone to being attached to other males which you shouldn't be attached to, they can consume you and even harm you in some way. 

Well, anyhow, that's the interpretation usually. If you neglect your other half, or any part of your psyche, it will hunt you down and find you. It doesn't like to be left out in the world to fend for itself.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Absolutely
> My latest dream is a prime example of my subconscious aiding my life.
> I have to deal with my issues by myself. I cannot expect a man (blue eyes) to help me. He has aid me in the process, he will not be present forever, and I must face my fears and defeat my demons alone. Because I can do it.


You are pretty close but as I explained that is not a demon. It is a part of yourself you have neglected. That is why its form is so blobby and gray.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Those are very serious dreams. In old Icelandic lore these kinds of non-dead exist, as they do in most shamanistic traditions and still yet in modern day practice. Yes you do have to fight them, and you do need to win, otherwise this demon will kill you in real life. It's something in your own psyche that you need to face, you cannot keep hiding under the protection of a man. I think that this gray blob is your inner man, it is actually a part of you that you need to incorporate and make your ally, otherwise he will run rampant because you haven't accepted him. He wants to be a part of you, so that you don't have to seek safety from other men. He wants you, but only because you are only feeding and nourishing your female side, nature wants to be joined. If you don't take on this particular male (which is your other half you may have neglected) then it leaves you prone to being attached to other males which you shouldn't be attached to, they can consume you and even harm you in some way.
> 
> Well, anyhow, that's the interpretation usually. If you neglect your other half, or any part of your psyche, it will hunt you down and find you. It doesn't like to be left out in the world to fend for itself.





Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You are pretty close but as I explained that is not a demon. It is a part of yourself you have neglected. That is why its form is so blobby and gray.


Oh wow HMU! Thank you so much. I would have never interpreted my dream in this fashion.
I have never heard of nourishing the other part of our selves, the male side. 
How could I begin to do that? 
Are there any books I can read in order to do this?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Oh wow HMU! Thank you so much. I would have never interpreted my dream in this fashion.
> I have never heard of nourishing the other part of our selves, the male side.
> How could I begin to do that?
> Are there any books I can read in order to do this?


Hmmmm, just start scratching your b*lls. 
More seriously, I guess maybe just start looking at what you may be doing to over-nurture your feminine side. It may not be so much adding to, feeding the beast that wants to be fed, as taking away from the side that's taken over. There are so many things our society makes us think we need to do to be 'feminine', really look at those things and see which ones are contributing to the "whole you" vs. just the "feminine" you. It sounds as though your male side is neglected and kept in the dank dark basement. The other thing you might try is to identify the parts of you that are really, really, really female. i.e. vulnerabilities, then allow your male side to care for those vulnerabilities. The dream version of Blue Eyes is correct, he cannot keep protecting you, or he will end up with his feminine side turning into a ghost and haunting him. The washing off of the scent in the dream is symbolic. i.e. in our society females are encouraged to use perfumes, etc. Washing off is cleansing that scent. Maybe in real life you could go hiking and take a dip in a mountain stream. Then you will smell like nature. That's a good first step of making sure you blend in with your surroundings, and aren't chased by any unbalanced parts of yourself that are turned into demons trying to get back inside of you. It could be too your diet is too 'female'. Are you eating a lot of those artificial sweeteners by any chance? They are bad news. The ghoul could also be your basic cell structure...it's angry at you because it can't get to you. The fact that it could go through or over the wall and you had to go around is significant. This resembled in some ways molecular cell structure and function. Something is working at you / eating at you that can get through walls to your other parts, via osmosis, but you yourself cannot, at least not what you're doing consciously. This makes you out of synch. The pressure and energy inside your cells is fighting off something trying to come in, it needs to be with you to make you whole but you are resisting it and afraid, and both you and your protector (who even acknowledges that he cannot and should not stand between you for much longer) will not give it permission to come in. Yet you cannot hide forever and there must be a truce and reconciliation. I don't think it has to do with people or personal relationships, I think it's more simple than that, it's just basic science at work. Something is unbalanced in your ying and yang, so to speak.

I would suggest laying off 'female' diet and eating more whole foods that have a bit more substance and some natural, basic, flavors. Caribou, venison, bison (and goat, see below)...maybe some beer too, if you drink and have been drinking ****tails, go for something with more substance and that's earthier. 

Also, if you are using any scented products in any of your environments, get rid of them. Bring in some pine boughs or geraniums, use natural scent. Not something that smells like natural scent, but actual natural scents. 

Switch your soap, too. Get something natural that's unscented, or even goat milk soap is good. Goats are known for having male traits. Even the females. 

As I said, I get the feeling this is not even psychological, it is just a physical thing. But the way you smell does affect how your lovers treat you. That is not to say a guy will want you to feel like a guy or smell like a guy or act like a guy, but there needs to be a guy balance in you that he can recognize and latch onto. Too much female is not a good thing, there is nothing familiar in it for the guy, while this sounds slightly homophobic, I can assure you it is not. If you do not have a fair amount of guy balanced in you then you can be doomed to being with guys who only want your female side. But they don't want the responsibility of caring for that long term. You need your own male inside you to do that.


----------



## ne9907

> Hmmmm, just start scratching your b*lls


. 
:rofl: if only it was that easy!!

I have always thought my feminine/masculine was balanced. I am not exactly a typically girlie girl. Until recently, I began to buy scenic aromas. I do not typically like romantic movies, or romantic novels. 

I am definitely going to stop using scented lotions. I use them too much. Sweet pea is my favorite now.

My diet is normal, I eat a lot of salads and chicken. Not much red meat, I am afraid. Protein based diet with vegetables. I do not eat sugar of any type. Except sugar flavored cream in my coffee.

I am going to buy some goat milk soap. I will also use nature scented lotion for myself. Do you have any recommendations?

Oh, I do like Irish Spring soap


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> .
> :rofl: if only it was that easy!!
> 
> I have always thought my feminine/masculine was balanced. I am not exactly a typically girlie girl. Until recently, I began to buy scenic aromas. I do not typically like romantic movies, or romantic novels.
> 
> I am definitely going to stop using scented lotions. I use them too much. Sweet pea is my favorite now.
> 
> My diet is normal, I eat a lot of salads and chicken. Not much red meat, I am afraid. Protein based diet with vegetables. I do not eat sugar of any type. Except sugar flavored cream in my coffee.
> 
> I am going to buy some goat milk soap. I will also use nature scented lotion for myself. Do you have any recommendations?
> 
> Oh, I do like Irish Spring soap


Definitely stop using the scented stuff. 

What do you put on your salads? Hopefully not all of that dressing with this and that in it. Put balsamic vinegar, olive oil, water, lemon, sea salt and pepper. That's it. 

Chicken is pumped full of stuff to make them plump. This is bad news. That is a "chick" diet you are eating there, literally. 
If you are eating a lot of tofu products, you should know, those are linked to more female hormones, vs. male. Tofu is good, but only to a point. 

Flavored cream :-(
I think if you need to have one indulgence this would be it.
Personally I like my coffee black. But I know a lot of people need their cream. 

You can get unscented natural body products including soap at a health food store or a pharmacy. 

Then just put the natural scents in your environment. Open up your windows and let some fresh air in. Every day. Even in the winter you need to change the air.

Irish Spring, that's hilarious. I remember the commercials, so cute, and yes, very manly! But, very scented. 

By going without the scents, I mean eliminate almost everything scented except for the natural things like the pine boughs and geraniums, etc. So, no Irish Spring. No natural scent body lotion, even if you can find toothpaste that is just plain baking soda type, then that's better than mint, cinnamon, etc. No scented tissues, even your dish soap and laundry soap should be without scent. All of these scents really mess with a person's hormones and pheromones and ability to relate to each other at the gut instinct level. Candles too. We only use beeswax. 

Drink a lot of plain water. Not even flavored water. 

No problem on books or movies...that's not molecular. Your issue, based on the dream, seems to be at a molecular/cell level. 

Are you using some kind of hormonal birth control? Maybe have a look at it and see if it's balanced for you. You may have different times of the month where you need to eat differently. 

It's so easy to just acquire a whole bunch of scented stuff in your environment, diet and among your personal care products, that can have an effect on you. Plastic is another issue, if you are microwaving foods in plastic containers or wrapping foods tightly in plastic, and/or re-using water bottles, best to stop and switch to glass and stainless steel water bottles. 


I think you will figure it out. 
But your dream is very informative. 
I think we try to interpret dreams too psychologically. But as we have evolved through our relationship with nature, our dreams are usually basic knowledge coming to us through our subconscious and primitive survival instincts. You should know that sweet pea is toxic. If you are using a lot of it and breathing it in, maybe that is not such a good thing. It smells nice in the garden, coming on the wind through the windows. I'm not sure who thought putting it in a lotion is a good idea, because you put the lotion on when you're done bathing, when your pores are open. And it can get in your mucous membranes as well, eyes, nose, etc.


----------



## bravenewworld

So - I've decided to stop focusing on the fact that ten year younger guy is, well, ten years younger. What I thought was going to just be hot, fun, and physical has turned into the three of those plus a genuine fondness. No seriousness or any type of commitment but I'm looking forward to getting to know him better. We like to joke that we have dates 5-55 all planned. 

Since he was in the Airforce and always wears Top Gun style sunglasses, I'll henceforth refer to him as Aviator. :smthumbup:



movealong said:


> I tried to gently talk to her about her resentments, and suggested she might find “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie to be a good book to read. Ugh! I liked her, but it sure did not take long for me to recognize her codependency and why I was initially attracted to her outside of her attractiveness.


Good on you movealong! Love that you are aware of and breaking patterns that no longer serve you. Sometimes I get so afraid of making a mistake that I've been sitting on the sidelines instead of playing the sport of love/life. It's nice to read something like this and see others with similar issues are handling them with dignity, cognition, and kindness. 



moxy said:


> I don't want to be sad, but despite the bravado, I'm totally gutted. I'll bounce back, but right now, it doesn't feel like it. I am going to sleep extra hours this week in the hopes of dulling the edge of negativity.


Sorry to read the above moxy. I know you will come out of this even stronger and with more self awareness as to what you want/need from potential suitors. Treat yourself gently and kindly - I've found it takes time and plenty of pampering. Would it be possible to take a weekend trip - even if it's just somewhere local? A change of scenery can help. After my last breakup I went to Vegas. :smthumbup:



Arendt said:


> For me, exercise takes my mind away from it all and releases other stuff in my mind and body that can help me cope.


I'm the same way Arendt. I've been working so much I haven't had time to exercise (mostly true, but still an excuse.) The fact Aviator has a six pack has got me motivated though! He's going to show me some weight lifting techniques next week. 

Excited but a bit nervous about him seeing my workout expressions aka "I'm making a big poop" face.


----------



## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> So - I've decided to stop focusing on the fact that ten year younger guy is, well, ten years younger. What I thought was going to just be hot, fun, and physical has turned into the three of those plus a genuine fondness. No seriousness or any type of commitment but I'm looking forward to getting to know him better. We like to joke that we have dates 5-55 all planned.


Last night I was at a film festival and the couple in front of me consisted of a woman who was well into her fifties and a man no older than 35 but probably younger. In my head I'm like "Right on." 

I'm 44 and get a lot of messages on OK Cupid from guys in their late 20's. I figure they are looking for just sex and have heretofore dismissed them as serious partners. Still do, but decided a couple of weeks ago to just try this new thing since I am in the try new things mode. Went out with a guy who is 28 and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy the conversation (and other things) were. I still don't think it could go anywhere long term, but pleasantly surprised.

Aside: my 22 year old daughter has a boyfriend that is 28. Makes me giggle.


----------



## bravenewworld

firebelly1 said:


> Last night I was at a film festival and the couple in front of me consisted of a woman who was well into her fifties and a man no older than 35 but probably younger. In my head I'm like "Right on."
> 
> I'm 44 and get a lot of messages on OK Cupid from guys in their late 20's. I figure they are looking for just sex and have heretofore dismissed them as serious partners. Still do, but decided a couple of weeks ago to just try this new thing since I am in the try new things mode. Went out with a guy who is 28 and I was pleasantly surprised at how easy the conversation (and other things) were. I still don't think it could go anywhere long term, but pleasantly surprised.
> 
> Aside: my 22 year old daughter has a boyfriend that is 28. Makes me giggle.


Loving all the above! I don't know why I had such a big hangup about it. Men do it all the time, right? And everyone is cool with it. Meanwhile we get stuck with the cougar/cub stigma. 

Not going to lie - for a second I thought he might be trying to use me for security/financials. Then I found out he has his own place, owns his own car, and makes more money than I do. So if he is using me, it's pretty much the worst plan ever. 

I agree about the conversation (and other things.) I thought he'd be like "what's a tape deck?" or "who's Trent Reznor?" But, surprisingly, no! We have so many similar interests. 

One moment that was a little awkward - he asked me if I used Facebook a lot in high school. I had to tell him that Facebook wasn't even INVENTED when I was in high school. :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

I'll probably start an argument here which l ain't interested in so l'll just try to tactful say my point and then get back to work. BC l really hope we're not all back here on TAM licking our wounds in 5yrs time.But the more l see of women the more l'm convinced , if they live to be 120 , most will still have no clue how a guy ticks.
Your ex's screwed around on you or couldn't keep their eyes to the ground around the girls right. l know l've never been able to and my ex was 10yrs younger than me and gorgeous but man , the offers l had from much younger again. l use to think how in the hell is a guy expected to be married. And he was probably your age or a bit older right . Even rich very beautiful actresses that look far better than the average try end up on the heap . Not to say every guy will screw around but If you could tell she was 50 then she's probably either paying him or flirting with her own son or nephew or just got lucky but l wouldn't like to be her trying to hold him down in the long term or keep up with girls 1/2 her age. l would really , really , hate to live with that if l was a women .
Women on average age and slow down much faster than men , l know there's always exceptions but there are millions the hottest girls nature can create everywhere he looks and all only too happy to place temptation right in front of him , if not down his throat. Really , you don't get how hard that is for a guy already, it is really , really, really hard on even the most honest of guys to keep his mind on the job.

In all honesty , a bit of fun , maybe , but if your looking for a long term , real relationship , a forever thing . People can be as supportive as they want but really , they aren't doing you any favors.
Even now for myself , l thought it'd be different now , l'm older , but l can tell you the main problem l found in finding someone new so far is that l have all these offers from chics 20yrs younger than me , admittedly most of them think l'm much younger than l am . Even T is much younger than me and she just want us to go for it , and she's gorgeous. But l want comfortable, realistic , bc l'm hoping to find something long lasting,so that's my only problem .


----------



## Jellybeans

So what you are saying is that women have no hope? Because there is always someone hotter/younger/available? 

Should we just grab shovels and start digging our graves because it's over once we are past 25? Have you prepped your daughter with this conversation, about how you think of women? 

Maybe you meant something different, but that is how your post reads.



whitehawk said:


> In all honesty , a bit of fun , maybe , but if your looking for a long term , real relationship , a forever thing . People can be as supportive as they want but really , they aren't doing you any favors.


You didn't finish your statement here... "if you're looking for a long term.." "People will support you but aren't doing you any favors." What does that mean?


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> I'll probably start an argument here which l ain't interested in so l'll just try to tactful say my point and then get back to work. BC l really hope we're not all back here on TAM licking our wounds in 5yrs time.But the more l see of women the more l'm convinced , if they live to be 120 , most will still have no clue how a guy ticks.


In regards to any of us getting married again and divorcing in 5 years time AFTER what we've been through - my money's on bobsmith. 
:lol: I kid! I kid!



whitehawk said:


> Your ex's screwed around on you or couldn't keep their eyes to the ground around the girls right. l know l've never been able to and my ex was 10yrs younger than me and gorgeous but man , the offers l had from much younger again. l use to think how in the hell is a guy expected to be married. And he was probably your age or a bit older right . Even rich very beautiful actresses that look far better than the average try end up on the heap . Not to say every guy will screw around but If you could tell she was 50 then she's probably either paying him or flirting with her own son or nephew or just got lucky but l wouldn't like to be her trying to hold him down in the long term or keep up with girls 1/2 her age. l would really , really , hate to live with that if l was a women .


I'm curious - you say you get hit on regularly by younger women, but can't believe that women also regularly get hit on and are desired by younger men? 

Also regarding the comment that "she must be paying him".....How many men pay women to sleep with them? The brothels in Nevada are open every day of the year for a reason. And there aren't any men selling sex in them. Newsflash - 99% of men give it away for free. I've been on several dates with younger men and have never had to take out my wallet once. 

Personally, I would really, really, hate to live with the fact my younger gf runs up my credit card and then I find out she's boinking the gardener. But hey, more power to any man willing to deal with that situation! 



whitehawk said:


> *Women on average age and slow down much faster than men *, l know there's always exceptions but there are millions the hottest girls nature can create everywhere he looks and all only too happy to place temptation right in front of him , if not down his throat. Really , you don't get how hard that is for a guy already, it is really , really, really hard on even the most honest of guys to keep his mind on the job.


I had to bold that because in my experience that's not true at all. My Mom looks half the age of my Dad although they are the same age. 

Guess what? Women like to look at young hot bodies and have sex with them too. Also, temptation is constantly shoved down our throat not only with sex but also with presents. Ethical people don't fall for that crap. Feel free to clutch your man pearls.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> In regards to any of us getting married again and divorcing in 5 years time AFTER what we've been through - my money's on bobsmith.
> :lol: I kid! I kid!


:rofl::rofl:

My oldest sister is 10 years older than her husband. they have been happily married for about five years now.

I have noticed a lot of younger men seem attracted to me. Back when I was doing online dating, most of the men interested in me were younger. Like 26, 27 years old.

I kinda like older men, but the oldest I would go is 42 years old.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> I'll probably start an argument here which l ain't interested in so l'll just try to tactful say my point and then get back to work. BC l really hope we're not all back here on TAM licking our wounds in 5yrs time.But the more l see of women the more l'm convinced , if they live to be 120 , most will still have no clue how a guy ticks.
> Your ex's screwed around on you or couldn't keep their eyes to the ground around the girls right. l know l've never been able to and my ex was 10yrs younger than me and gorgeous but man , the offers l had from much younger again. l use to think how in the hell is a guy expected to be married. And he was probably your age or a bit older right . Even rich very beautiful actresses that look far better than the average try end up on the heap . Not to say every guy will screw around but If you could tell she was 50 then she's probably either paying him or flirting with her own son or nephew or just got lucky but l wouldn't like to be her trying to hold him down in the long term or keep up with girls 1/2 her age. l would really , really , hate to live with that if l was a women .
> Women on average age and slow down much faster than men , l know there's always exceptions but there are millions the hottest girls nature can create everywhere he looks and all only too happy to place temptation right in front of him , if not down his throat. Really , you don't get how hard that is for a guy already, it is really , really, really hard on even the most honest of guys to keep his mind on the job.
> 
> In all honesty , a bit of fun , maybe , but if your looking for a long term , real relationship , a forever thing . People can be as supportive as they want but really , they aren't doing you any favors.
> Even now for myself , l thought it'd be different now , l'm older , but l can tell you the main problem l found in finding someone new so far is that l have all these offers from chics 20yrs younger than me , admittedly most of them think l'm much younger than l am . Even T is much younger than me and she just want us to go for it , and she's gorgeous. But l want comfortable, realistic , bc l'm hoping to find something long lasting,so that's my only problem .


Um...wow. I cant believe you said this.


----------



## TooNice

I can't say I undersatnd the point you are trying to make here, WH. 

I'll chime in on this and say that my date yesterday was with a man 10 years my junior. But he's cute, nice, well educated (he's a lawyer), and very fit. I talked more easily with him online and in person than I could have imagined for a first dating encounter. 

And he told me that he almost didn't message me to start out with, because he was afraid I'd think he was too young for me. 

Even if I don't see him again, it made me feel good to be with him on that date. We both got excited about the things we shared in common. We laughed. We asked questions. We shared. I forgot that I'm 10 years older. 

This twist in the conversation makes me feel as though those feelings weren't justified. 

As long relationship consists of adults who are honest with each other about their expectations-both short and long term, I really don't think age differences matter.


----------



## vi_bride04

Respect + good cooking + good sex = what makes guys tick  lol


----------



## Fenix

Interesting twist. I guess when someone thinks of a woman as just a collection of fat sacs etc, then those comments are justified.

I am not a fan of 10 year (or more) differences regardless of the gender of the younger partner. Maybe for a fun fling, sure...but that is it.

Dating closer to one's age increases the odds of finding someone with common life reference points. It also increases the chances that someone is on the same wavelength in terms of the relationship and life phase. By life phase, I am talking financially, emotionally, kids, employment etc. Obviously, there are exceptions. 

When I read WH's post, I did an internal eye roll. If a woman is only an object to someone, yeah, I can believe it. But there are plenty of men that value their life partner, regardless of her age.

Of course, mine wasn't one of them. 

From vi


> Respect + good cooking + good sex = what makes guys tick lol


Holymoly, cooking well is huge. Who knew?!


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> Women on average age and slow down much faster than men


That must be why the life expectancy is longer for women...



TooNice said:


> I can't say I undersatnd the point you are trying to make here, WH.


Isn't it obvious what WH thinks of women? They have a sell-by date. Must be a really interesting conversation that he has with his daughter, as her father, the man in her life, when he explains what women are, and how he views them.



Fenix said:


> Interesting twist. I guess when someone thinks of a woman as just a collection of fat sacs etc, then those comments are justified.


:rofl:



Fenix said:


> I am not a fan of 10 year (or more) differences regardless of the gender of the younger partner. Maybe for a fun fling, sure...but that is it.
> 
> Dating closer to one's age increases the odds of finding someone with common life reference points. It also increases the chances that someone is on the same wavelength in terms of the relationship and life phase. By life phase, I am talking financially, emotionally, kids, employment etc. Obviously, there are exceptions.


When I was dating the older guy, fourteen years my senior, I think he thought I was too young for him. I would have given a go but you're right - there are generational differences sometimes and sometimes one partner may think it's too much. I know Enjo and 3x have both said they can't imagine being with someone as old as their ex-spouses now-and that they tend to stay away from that. 



Fenix said:


> When I read WH's post, I did an internal eye roll. If a woman is only an object to someone, yeah, I can believe it. But there are plenty of men that value their life partner, regardless of her age.


:iagree::smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Respect + good cooking + good sex = what makes guys tick
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lol


If you throw in supportive and fun you would be pretty much right on. Which seems to be for the most part what everyone is looking for.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> When I was dating the older guy, fourteen years my senior, I think he thought I was too young for him. I would have given a go but you're right - there are generational differences sometimes and sometimes one partner may think it's too much. I know Enjo and 3x have both said they can't imagine being with someone as old as their ex-spouses now-and that they tend to stay away from that.


I definitely do NOT want to be with someone as old as my XH (he was 6 yrs my senior). I want someone my age, maybe a year or two older/younger. Hot fireman is 2 yrs younger, and that seems to work out pretty well.


----------



## Arendt

WH: lots of generalizations in your post. Getting the justifiable rebuttal.

I am dating a woman who is exactly my age, 39. I don't look 39, I look younger and am physically in great shape because I work out 4-5 days a week. She is too...like really, really good shape.

I personally have never made friends well with people who are younger than me by too much. So it would be hard for me to date a person over 5-6 years younger. I usually make friends with people older than myself, but something in me doesn't want to date somebody more than a few years older. Around my age is fine. But I know others have different tastes and personalities...and I wouldn't put a person down for dating a younger or older person.

I've been thinking a lot about the pros and cons of dating a single mother for example. She's 39. She is sexual dynamite in a way that a younger woman probably would not be. I feel like I am 18 (You Make Me Feel So Young - Sinatra in the background!). So ironically, I could definitely see how a younger man might want a woman a little older...they want sex more and are better at it frankly. I feel damn lucky, cause I like sex...as often as possible! 

With her, as a mother and a woman who has lived a little, I don't have to put up with much drama. She has no time for bullsh!t. She has time for fun, but not getting worked up over little things.

I like women who can take care of themselves and have some independence. And she can. I wonder if that is the case for most single women with children: they are tougher than other women. Add age, and you have a good strong woman who won't need to put up with nonsense. 

There are other benefits I see to dating a single mom who is in her late thirties, but these will do.


----------



## Arendt

And Justin Timberlake agrees: older women. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0DeIqJm4vM


----------



## ne9907

I love hard working men. There are some (electrical) workers outside today, and Oh my!
Something about their yellow/orange vest, hard hat, and sunglasses...

To me, that outfit is way hotter than a military uniform (but I see military uniforms all the time)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I love hard working men. There are some (electrical) workers outside today, and Oh my!
> Something about their yellow/orange vest, hard hat, and sunglasses...
> 
> To me, that outfit is way hotter than a military uniform (but I see military uniforms all the time)


Agreed!! BUT...hotter than a military uniform..?? Um, probably not!


----------



## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> Also regarding the comment that "she must be paying him".....How many men pay women to sleep with them? The brothels in Nevada are open every day of the year for a reason. And there aren't any men selling sex in them. Newsflash - 99% of men give it away for free. I've been on several dates with younger men and have never had to take out my wallet once.


Nope. I haven't had to pay for it once. And as I've said, at 44, I regularly get guys in their late 20's hitting on me. The woman in her fifties in front of me in line was hot. She had a great body which she had draped with a sexy but tasteful dress. The 30ish guy was somewhat nerdy looking. My impression: he was feeling pretty lucky to be with this woman.


----------



## movealong

I signed up for ******* yesterday (I know, I know). I really have enjoyed going through the profiles and answering questions as much, if not more than, actually looking for a potential date, lol! I hate that a lot of the questions are yes/no, but love that they give you a place to expand on why you chose yes or no.

Over lunch I was reading a profile and one of the questions was about breast implants - lame or cool? And you know, it really made me stop and think about my answer.



> Breast implants?
> Her: more pathetic than cool
> Me: more cool than pathetic
> 
> Expanded answer from me: I really don't care either way. Implants are self esteem boosters at worst, and cosmetic at best. They can interfere with a woman's sensations and cause problems later in life. If she has them or not does not make a difference to me. One of the most beautiful documentaries I watched was about breast cancer survivors getting implants and aureola tattoos after a mastectomy. For those women it was a life changer and a damn good reason to have them.


It was just one of those questions I had never seriously, or humorously, considered.


----------



## firebelly1

Good answer though. I like the questions on OK Cupid too, just not much luck there. In re: breast implants, when I was younger i would say "no way, too shallow." As I've gotten older I'm like "hell yes" I need all the help I can get. But still wouldn't spend that much money on something like that. Would be thinking "how many starving babies could this money feed?"


----------



## Fenix

Yo, guys. I just rocked a job interview. Fingers crossed!


----------



## Arendt

Breast implants? No. No way. Not interested in women with them. I find it gross.


----------



## BaxJanson

While I can certainly appreciate the way they assist in filling out a top, I'm definitely one of the "More than a handful is a waste" crowd. No boobjobs for me, thanks!


----------



## ne9907

Moxy
I finally watched "Silence in the library" and "Forest of the Dead".

I loved it. OMG, the love story between River Song and the Doctor is amazing. 
I want love that will transcend time and space! haha, I am a silly romantic... 

On another note here is another interpretation to my dream. I agree with this one as well, because well, that is what I have been thinking!

"i think that the humanoid is you. sounds odd but think for a bit why it should be you, did it have the same emotions as you? its you who wants to be more then just that casual woman he adores.. only you can convince him to love or else you leave him and find you love.. u have to choose, make him open the door to committing with u.. or leave him and see what lifes brings..

I fell down like a rag doll, but got up and I knew I had to kill him or he would kill me. I began to battle him, we fought hard and for a very long time. I knew I could not possibly defeat him so the next time he slammed my body against the wall, I got up, and ran away from him.

prolly the feeling u have everytime he doesnt commit to u its time to end this get out of the relationship..
apparently he also had rights to blue eyes house. But he could not go inside without explicit permission. (dont vampires have the same thing??) i think it means without permission you do not gain his heart u have to work for it.. and if he wont give it you are certain that it wont work..

your standing in conflict between your feelings towards him and you feelings of wanting more what he wont give.. accept the battle either win or loose its up to you if you loose you give up if you win.


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> So what you are saying is that women have no hope? Because there is always someone hotter/younger/available?
> 
> Should we just grab shovels and start digging our graves because it's over once we are past 25? Have you prepped your daughter with this conversation, about how you think of women?
> 
> Maybe you meant something different, but that is how your post reads.
> 
> 
> 
> You didn't finish your statement here... "if you're looking for a long term.." "People will support you but aren't doing you any favors." What does that mean?


No no no of course not , l really should zap that and try again. l might , but l'll only get myself into more poop l don't have time for anyway.That's why l never touch this one it's just too much trouble to explain.
But all l'm trying to say is don't kid ourselves , be "realistic" . We don't wanna go through all this [email protected] just to turn around and go through it again do we !
Find realistic matches is all l'm saying.

You know , people , especially women , do tend to egg each other on , even in and out of marriages , even my ex admitted that.But really if we just egg each other on into things that just aren't realistic , we're not helping a friend we're setting them up for a nose dive.


----------



## whitehawk

BaxJanson said:


> While I can certainly appreciate the way they assist in filling out a top, I'm definitely one of the "More than a handful is a waste" crowd. No boobjobs for me, thanks!



That's funny Bax let me tell ya.
You know what , l never scored boobs , ever. Every chick I'd ever been with only had small boobs.
And then l met ex , talk about karma. She had 3x her share , they were huge. l never realized big boobs would be so much trouble and there was so many things she just could not do she was just too top heavy.
You needed 4 hands for these babies. PS. It was always a nightmare going anywhere and the guys oodling them none stop . l use to laugh to myself sometimes about going out with a little sign saying somem like - ok fellas , checkem out and then move on eh , she's spoken for.

Weird though , l really got to not like such big boobs in the end and now what really turns me on are just cute little small tits , even just a faint mound and nipple , love em. Especially in a singlet top , hot as.


----------



## whitehawk

Weird , T's got big boobs to , not as big as ex's though thank God .
Maybe now that l love small cuties , l'll probably only get the buxoms .


----------



## whitehawk

People probably won't remember "beachhouse".
A girl l met only a few mths out of my separation , with the beach house and made great pizzas, touch crazy, whom l spent 6 pretty wild wks with up in that gorgeous house of hers.
But it was just too soon for me.
And then we reconnected about 12mths later for another stint that only lasted a week though bc she just wasn't game to try another relationship and bc l'd hurt her so much bailing the first time.
But l had not choice the first time , it was just too soon for me and l couldn't cope.

Well , l'm in a shop yesterday , look over my shoulder , and who should be standing 3ft behind me , beach house . Wow that was weird . Talk about a vibe, l'm sure it filled that whole shop.
l couldn't say what sort of a vibe it was though , a very weird one l know that much.

As soon as l twigged as tp who it was , pretty sure my jaw must of dropped but l tried to cover it up.
Then it was like , both register , an acknowledging smile both ways and then , she winked at me , huuu :scratchhead: Winked . It was a cute wink to but l doubt she meant it as that kind of a wink.

Anyway I left for my car and thought l'm waiting till she comes out , check her out in the mirror. 
So she came out in a few mins, walked up the other way away from my car toward her house but stopped, turned around and just stood there , staring at the back of my car. Don;t know if she could tell l was looking at her to through the mirror.
But l watched her for about 2mins, she stood on the sidewalk watching my car , then l started it and drove off.

No idea we were doing but fk me she looked sooooo good !


----------



## moxy

Ne, the love story between River and the Doctor is my favorite on-screen romance of all time. I could geek out over River Song all day long. If you haven't watched "Torchwood", it's worthwhile, too. Maybe a "Doctor Who" marathon will cheer me up; it usually does.


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> I signed up for ******* yesterday (I know, I know). I really have enjoyed going through the profiles and answering questions as much, if not more than, actually looking for a potential date, lol! I hate that a lot of the questions are yes/no, but love that they give you a place to expand on why you chose yes or no.
> 
> Over lunch I was reading a profile and one of the questions was about breast implants - lame or cool? And you know, it really made me stop and think about my answer.
> 
> 
> 
> It was just one of those questions I had never seriously, or humorously, considered.


Those kind of questions always seem to be loaded for some kind of response, like they want implants but are on the fence and need your input about their insecurity about their boobs or they hate people who have plastic surgery. 50/50 shot...I personally don't care, if you suck as a person big boobs or not it doesn't matter to me I won't like you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Missing having a Doberman ....


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Missing having a Doberman ....



I'm sorry, vi. I miss having a pet, too. It sucks. Can you bring home a puppy?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> I'm sorry, vi. I miss having a pet, too. It sucks. Can you bring home a puppy?


I have an Aussie already. Just miss the breed...Khloe is great, but she isn't a Doberman. 

I like the older dogs. Puppies are way too much work. Like it when the dog comes home with most house manners already learned  Saw a 6yr old male come into a Dobe rescue today...hmmm


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Missing having a Doberman ....



Sorry your missing him vi. Personally l always find Dobermans a pretty scary dog myself. Mind you , my muts only a 1 foot high foxy .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Those kind of questions always seem to be loaded for some kind of response, like they want implants but are on the fence and need your input about their insecurity about their boobs or they hate people who have plastic surgery. 50/50 shot...I personally don't care, if you suck as a person big boobs or not it doesn't matter to me I won't like you.


Dunno about others but my site had a pretty awkward and limited questionnaire .
Like hair color or the body/build stuff if your somewhere in between. Don't want people thinking you stretched the truth type thing.
There was a fair few very limited ticker type stuff like that.
A lot of stuff in who you'd like to meet to.
But there was no in between or maybes . So it was like if you said you wanna meet such and such , but she wasn't quite that , you miss out.
But you can't just order someone , l only wanted to try to describe just a little of some of the things l like. But it was setup in a way that it read no ifs or buts - this is what your looking for and there wasn't really anyway to mix it up a bit.
ps , and l hate this average in build description for women , like what the hell is average .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> People probably won't remember "beachhouse".
> A girl l met only a few mths out of my separation , with the beach house and made great pizzas, touch crazy, whom l spent 6 pretty wild wks with up in that gorgeous house of hers.
> But it was just too soon for me.
> And then we reconnected about 12mths later for another stint that only lasted a week though bc she just wasn't game to try another relationship and bc l'd hurt her so much bailing the first time.
> But l had not choice the first time , it was just too soon for me and l couldn't cope.
> 
> Well , l'm in a shop yesterday , look over my shoulder , and who should be standing 3ft behind me , beach house . Wow that was weird . Talk about a vibe, l'm sure it filled that whole shop.
> l couldn't say what sort of a vibe it was though , a very weird one l know that much.
> 
> As soon as l twigged as tp who it was , pretty sure my jaw must of dropped but l tried to cover it up.
> Then it was like , both register , an acknowledging smile both ways and then , she winked at me , huuu :scratchhead: Winked . It was a cute wink to but l doubt she meant it as that kind of a wink.
> 
> Anyway I left for my car and thought l'm waiting till she comes out , check her out in the mirror.
> So she came out in a few mins, walked up the other way away from my car toward her house but stopped, turned around and just stood there , staring at the back of my car. Don;t know if she could tell l was looking at her to through the mirror.
> But l watched her for about 2mins, she stood on the sidewalk watching my car , then l started it and drove off.
> 
> No idea we were doing but fk me she looked sooooo good !


lol

Reminds me of "laundry lady"


----------



## TooNice

Although I'm only days into trying this, I am liking *******. I am not willing/able to spend money on this right now, and for a free site, it's not bad. I tried Zoosk first. Ew. 

My coffee date from Sunday was from there, and I spoke to someone tonight for over an hour. On the phone. An actual real time, old fashioned phone conversation. Coffee with him is in the works. 

I like that the men I have communicated with there seem to be pretty well-filtered. I answered questions stating that I'm not looking to hook up, so my "matches" have not been guys who have asked me what I'm wearing five minutes into our conversations. 

It's still early, and maybe I'll change my mind, but for the girl just checking out this online thing, I feel like I'm two for two so far.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Sorry your missing him vi. Personally l always find Dobermans a pretty scary dog myself. Mind you , my muts only a 1 foot high foxy .


A lot of people do and that's why I like them, especially living by myself. Not very many people willing to break into a house with a 3-4ft Doberman staring back at them


----------



## BaxJanson

That's great that you're having such luck with OKC. Trying my hand at the tinder game, and am not getting anywhere. Which isn't terrible, as it's little more than a way to pass the time ATM.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> lol
> 
> Reminds me of "laundry lady"



Yeah , silly l spose right . But eh we think about these things at times like that :rofl:
ps, I reckon she was hoping l'd get out and come over to talk .


----------



## whitehawk

TooNice said:


> Although I'm only days into trying this, I am liking *******. I am not willing/able to spend money on this right now, and for a free site, it's not bad. I tried Zoosk first. Ew.
> 
> My coffee date from Sunday was from there, and I spoke to someone tonight for over an hour. On the phone. An actual real time, old fashioned phone conversation. Coffee with him is in the works.
> 
> I like that the men I have communicated with there seem to be pretty well-filtered. I answered questions stating that I'm not looking to hook up, so my "matches" have not been guys who have asked me what I'm wearing five minutes into our conversations.
> 
> It's still early, and maybe I'll change my mind, but for the girl just checking out this online thing, I feel like I'm two for two so far.



Btw , what were you wearing anyway . Just kidden :rofl:


----------



## Fenix

vi_bride04 said:


> I have an Aussie already. Just miss the breed...Khloe is great, but she isn't a Doberman.
> 
> I like the older dogs. Puppies are way too much work. Like it when the dog comes home with most house manners already learned  Saw a 6yr old male come into a Dobe rescue today...hmmm



You can have my miniature pinscher! Almost like a doberman but in a small package.  He drives me bananas. I like MY aussie better.


----------



## FeministInPink

BaxJanson said:


> That's great that you're having such luck with OKC. Trying my hand at the tinder game, and am not getting anywhere. Which isn't terrible, as it's little more than a way to pass the time ATM.


I found Tinder was a bit hit or miss. I chatted with a lot of guys on Tinder, but very few of them actually had the chutzpah to actually ask for an in-person meet. There was this one guy who flirted with me hard core for weeks, and would make remarks about us meeting in person; but when I would suggest a day/time, he would just ignore the suggestion and would keep on as before.

And then there were the guys who stood me up. All of the dates I made on Tinder (except the most recent-and last-one, with Hot Fireman), of which there were maybe 3 or 4?, stood me up. I had almost entirely given up on Tinder by the time I started chatting with Hot Fireman.

So, I've only had one successful date off of Tinder. But it was a VERY successful date.

So I think Tinder is, like other dating sites, a total numbers game.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , silly l spose right . But eh we think about these things at times like that :rofl:
> ps, I reckon she was hoping l'd get out and come over to talk .


Well, you weren't ready then but how about now?

It makes me wonder if I should visit laundry lady myself, even though I broke her heart once already. Got the lamest but most practical excuse too: just visiting to get my laundry done! lol

I'm not truly happy with FWB, despite the friendship and sex. I seem to be longing for something more despite my attempts at suppressing the lovey dovey cravings. But meh, oh well, one has to look at the plus side!

I got no love but I got SEX without BS!


----------



## Jellybeans

Speaking of Tinder, do any of you guys watch The New Girl? Their episode last night was about a dating site called Dice. Just like Tinder.

It was HILARIOUS.


----------



## Fenix

Fenix said:


> Yo, guys. I just rocked a job interview. Fingers crossed!



Thanks, everyone. I think I got it. The offer is supposed to come in on Monday. :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Speaking of Tinder, do any of you guys watch The New Girl? Their episode last night was about a dating site called Dice. Just like Tinder.
> 
> It was HILARIOUS.


I don't watch it, but now I feel compelled to check it out.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Well, you weren't ready then but how about now?
> 
> It makes me wonder if I should visit laundry lady myself, even though I broke her heart once already. Got the lamest but most practical excuse too: just visiting to get my laundry done! lol
> 
> I'm not truly happy with FWB, despite the friendship and sex. I seem to be longing for something more despite my attempts at suppressing the lovey dovey cravings. But meh, oh well, one has to look at the plus side!
> 
> I got no love but I got SEX without BS!



Oh yeah l could go for it now but hey , bloody hell l'm with T . Feast or famine, typical. 
l think she might've been hoping l came over to talk to her.

Hey , go do your laundry l reckon . The other stuff , l couldn't do it but l get it none the less. Trouble is l guess it does keep you out of single life and who knows who's paths might be crossing who's :scratchhead: .


----------



## whitehawk

T looked sooooo good today, fk ! 
She had on oh - just house stuff , she reckons 
l lovveeee house stuff .
l don't know what they're called but this really loose sorta windcheater type top, all sorta just ripped and draping everywhere showing her gorgeous white skin , tats showing, just a hint of boobs and one shoulder open.
And then those gym type pants with the waste rolled down , belly ring . 
l was a total right off . Good for nothing cept mauling her :rofl:

But guess what , her son was home , and he felt like chatting , a lot . His the one 16 , whom l've rarely been around as yet but we have met a few times . But we don't touch or anything around him and def' no mauling . Today , l am suffering l tell you.

That is all .


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> I don't watch it, but now I feel compelled to check it out.


Me too! I like Tinder. I've met now 3 people from it and while two didn't wind up being matches everyone has been nice and interesting in good way. Maybe I should offer a screening service? :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, kids are natural c--kblockers


----------



## bravenewworld

BaxJanson said:


> That's great that you're having such luck with OKC. Trying my hand at the tinder game, and am not getting anywhere. Which isn't terrible, as it's little more than a way to pass the time ATM.


So my friends and I were talking about dating on Tinder and came to a few universal conclusions:

-Immediately unmatch yourself from anyone you feel questionable about. This is called the "Was I drunk when I swiped right?" syndrome. 
-Unmatch yourself from anyone where neither party has reached out within 3 days of being matched. 
-Do not engage the crazy
-Picture-wise, Avoid dudes holding an animal that is clearly terrified, women making duck faces, and anyone with a bathroom selfie.
-Have a phone conversation within one week of being matched
-If someone tells you they are "just looking for a friend" or "hate drama" run like hell. "It rubs the lotions on it's skins."


----------



## whitehawk

And now . l can't see her for 2 days , 2 days 
bc l've got my d here all wk which of course l love but . WTF is wrong with the world :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

After extensive research, and some meditation on core issues I decided to end things with Blue eyes. 
It was the best decision. It does hurt. I even cried a little last night, but it is a step towards proclaiming myself truly independent from emotional codependecy in the form of a man.

Blue was a great experience, I learned several things about myself and life in general. I will remember him fondly. Overall, my experience with a FB/casual sex/FWB whatever the hell it was, was POSITIVE.

Before you all judge me by ending it via text, I had no idea if I would ever see him again. 
So if he was moving away, why not just let it be?? Because if I had just let it be, without an end, I would have the "what if" questions. 

Ok, so here is what I said:

me: I want more from you. A lot more than what you can give me. You have been clear from the get go, my feelings have changed. I do not wish to continue this quasi relationship. I had a great time with you, thank you for that. I will do my bestest (i know it is not a word  )not to text you again. Good luck in everything you do. 
PS: It is really tacky to do this by text. Sorry about it.

Blue: It is ok. I understand but I simply cannot give what I dont have. I had a lot of fun and the times we shared were sexy as hell. Take care and you dont have to be a total stranger


----------



## Fenix

Ne, his answer proved you correct. You did good.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> Ne, his answer proved you correct. You did good.


Yes, I agree.

His answer was almost exactly like an article I read:

How EXACTLY Do I Break Up With A Non-Committal Man?

This is the answer I read on that article:

“You’re right. *You deserve more *than I can give to you. I respect that. It’s been fun. *And if you’re ever lonely one night and want to hook up*, please let me know.”

lol, at least I did not get the "you deserve better" at least, not those words!! I dislike those words.
But the author of that blog was spot on with "if you are ever lonely one night..." which in my book translates well to what Blue eyes said "You dont have to be a total stranger"


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, I love your words to him. Even if it was through a TEXT.

You were spot on to end it if you were in different places... 



Opens you up for someone who IS on your page.

Even though Blue and you wanted different things, I commend him for not leading you on. And I commend you for knowing when to end it once the game changed for you (feeeeelings).

Just remember: once you starting having sex with someone, feelings can (and normally do) change...


----------



## ne9907

I will have to fight myself NOT to make more out of this thing, than what it really was. 
I tend to romanticize things a LOT once they are over. 
For example, I keep thinking, we made it six months! We began talking on the 23 of March... I originally picked him becasue I knew I would be safe from developing feelings lol.
But anyway, going out with co workers to watch Bears vs Jets game, in the afternoon!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Ne, I love your words to him. Even if it was through a TEXT.
> 
> You were spot on to end it if you were in different places...
> 
> 
> 
> Opens you up for someone who IS on your page.
> 
> Even though Blue and you wanted different things, I commend him for not leading you on. *And I commend you for knowing when to end it once the game changed for you (feeeeelings).*
> 
> Just remember: once you starting having sex with someone, feelings can (and normally do) change...


Fvcking feeeeeelings.....


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Fvcking feeeeeelings.....


:lol:

IKR?? just kidding. I am glad I like Blue. I picked him because I knew I could not fall in love with him. The attraction I felt for him wasnt on the FVCK YES scale, and yet, I developed feelings for him.

I am very happy that after all the **** I went through with ex, I am still able to like, really like, and care about someone the way I did/do for Blue. 
I am also happy that I am learning to know what I want in a future relationship. It is a learning proccess 

I could have kept going with him, but I want more. I want a lot more. I want to be able to tell that special someone how much I love the song "Have you ever seen the Rain" and the reason why.
He obviously cannot give me what I want (notice I say want not need) therefore good bye and have a wonderful life!~


----------



## firebelly1

But what sucks about knowing you might get feelings is you don't get laid. I have recently decided FWB isn't for me but still not ready for a relationship and I am horny as hell constantly. Don't pursue sex 'cause I don't want the emotional complication. Don't pursue emotional complication because it's too complicated. It's not fair being a girl.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> But what sucks about knowing you might get feelings is you don't get laid. I have recently decided FWB isn't for me but still not ready for a relationship and I am horny as hell constantly. Don't pursue sex 'cause I don't want the emotional complication. Don't pursue emotional complication because it's too complicated. It's not fair being a girl.


:iagree:

On my part, I am taking a hiatus from dating to find myself. I need a reconciliation of sorts within me. I feel lost most of the time. I feel so many changes are happening, anxious, and oh so very lost. I tried to bury these feelings with sex and some companionship, but I must address who I am.


----------



## movealong

firebelly1 said:


> But what sucks about knowing you might get feelings is you don't get laid. I have recently decided FWB isn't for me but still not ready for a relationship and I am horny as hell constantly. Don't pursue sex 'cause I don't want the emotional complication. Don't pursue emotional complication because it's too complicated. It's not fair being a girl.


It isn't fair for guys in that situation either, lol! :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> It isn't fair for guys in that situation either, lol! :rofl:


Especially when the kids God lovem , are on holidays for 2wks, youch . :rofl:


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> firebelly1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> But what sucks about knowing you might get feelings is you don't get laid. I have recently decided FWB isn't for me but still not ready for a relationship and I am horny as hell constantly. Don't pursue sex 'cause I don't want the emotional complication. Don't pursue emotional complication because it's too complicated. It's not fair being a girl.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On my part, I am taking a hiatus from dating to find myself. I need a reconciliation of sorts within me. I feel lost most of the time. I feel so many changes are happening, anxious, and oh so very lost. I tried to bury these feelings with sex and some companionship, but I must address who I am.
Click to expand...


Good for you Ne I think its a wise decision to work on yourself and take a break from dating...

And I like evan mark katz...ive been following his blogs for a while now, I think he gives very sound and logical advice actually.


----------



## vi_bride04

It's not complicated being a girl, it's just as easy to hit it and quit it like guys do.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Yes, I agree.
> 
> His answer was almost exactly like an article I read:
> 
> How EXACTLY Do I Break Up With A Non-Committal Man?


Yay, no more BS, now everything is straight forward, even though you lost a fkbuddy! But tis ok, time to get another one - and stay unattached this time. His reaction is what would be expected, like what I did with my previous FB too.

Tis sad though  I'm sorry, reminds me of when I was paranoid of FWB falling for me. But now it seems that's just impossible hence we can fk away like rabbits! The best FWB-material is one that doesn't have the soulmate qualities you are looking for - that way you won't risk lovey dovey sh-t.

Like FWB and I - we are incompatible either than friends + sex.


----------



## whitehawk

So no laundry girl for you then rd ?


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Just remember: once you starting having sex with someone, feelings can (and normally do) change...


Not necessarily 

One has just to know how to avoid the ones that give butterflies! FWBs are FWBs, dates are dates - FWBs should not be date/LTR quality.

And tis why even after months with all our cuddling, fiddling and ramming FWB and I are still fking each other silly without the hassle of lovey dovey sh-t! And by now we've grown accustomed to each other's bodies so the sex is great! It isn't quite up there with "making love" but it's the next best thing.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> So no laundry girl for you then rd ?


Ey? Meh, she's just a passing thought whenever I long for something either than just sex. Once logic kicks in, the options are clear:

1) Have great sex with FWB, no strings attached, attuned to each other's bodies
2) Take a chance with a date I already dumped earlier, risk lovey dovey BS feelings, no idea of sexual chemistry

Meh, option 1 tis only logical!


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Meh, she's just a passing thought whenever I long for something either than just sex. Once logic kicks in, the options are clear:
> 
> 1) Have great sex with FWB, no strings attached, attuned to each other's bodies
> 2) Take a chance with a date I already dumped earlier, risk lovey dovey BS feelings, no idea of sexual chemistry
> 
> Meh, option 1 tis only logical!


Actually, it's the chickensh!t option. But, hey, there is a time and place for that option too.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> even though you lost a fkbuddy! But tis ok, time to get another one
> 
> Tis sad though  I'm sorry
> 
> .


I wish I could do the fkbuddy deal, but I cant! It was proven!

It is rather sad, but I will be fine. I am taking a couple of alone days to reflect on myself. The thing that worked with Blue is that we are extremely similar, we shared a lot of ideologies pertaining life. In another situation, I am sure we could have made it.
But I know he cares deeply about someone else, perhaps this is the reason he cannot committ to anyone else. He is still hurting. Just like I am.
It was a lot of fun!

WH: Where did you post go?? You posted something regarding how Blue was very gentle with his response, but now it is gone. I was going to reply to you something snarky  you dodged a bullet!!


----------



## RandomDude

Fenix said:


> Actually, it's the chickensh!t option. But, hey, there is a time and place for that option too.


Ey? I simply just can't be fked while I already have the goods! 

Besides I dumped laundry lady once already, and I'm sure she's moved on by now. Tis only logical!



ne9907 said:


> I wish I could do the fkbuddy deal, but I cant! It was proven!
> 
> It is rather sad, but I will be fine. I am taking a couple of alone days to reflect on myself. The thing that worked with Blue is that we are extremely similar, we shared a lot of ideologies pertaining life. In another situation, I am sure we could have made it.
> But I know he cares deeply about someone else, perhaps this is the reason he cannot committ to anyone else. He is still hurting. Just like I am.
> It was a lot of fun!


Tis just wasn't meant to be I guess, but remember -> you are now free from further investment!

As for the fkbuddy deal - it takes two people both sharing the same and certain 'frame of mind' to keep things from being complicated. Also as I mentioned your partner can't be what you are looking for in terms of a soulmate/companion otherwise your feelings will become too suggestive for a relationship.

So hey, anything can be done 
Just have to watch out for Cupid at times, as you know - he shoots you from behind! Then this sh-t happens!


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Ey? I simply just can't be fked while I already have the goods!
> 
> Besides I dumped laundry lady once already, and I'm sure she's moved on by now. Tis only logical!
> 
> 
> 
> Tis just wasn't meant to be I guess, but remember -> you are now free from further investment!
> 
> As for the fkbuddy deal - it takes two people both sharing the same and certain 'frame of mind' to keep things from being complicated. Also as I mentioned your partner can't be what you are looking for in terms of a soulmate/companion otherwise your feelings will become too suggestive for a relationship.
> 
> So hey, anything can be done
> Just have to watch out for Cupid at times, as you know - he shoots you from behind! Then this sh-t happens!


So RD - what is it about your FWB that makes you sure she isn't LTR material? And how do you know you aren't for her? Are you "dating" too? And if you met a woman you wanted to keep dating, when would you be willing to drop the FWB?


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> So RD - what is it about your FWB that makes you sure she isn't LTR material? And how do you know you aren't for her? Are you "dating" too? And if you met a woman you wanted to keep dating, when would you be willing to drop the FWB?


Firebelly, you don't want to get into that with RD. Trust me. You'll regret it.


----------



## firebelly1

Oh geez. K. I've just been trying to navigate FWB and am just curious how other people have managed - if it can be done successfully. I have found that it hasn't worked for me for various reasons. If I like the person, it's hard to not want more. If I don't particularly care for the person, it's hard to continue seeing them even if the sex is good, because it feels cold. And regardless of the emotions involved, I don't share. The idea of the guy sleeping with other people is just painful no matter what.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I wish I could do the fkbuddy deal, but I cant! It was proven!
> 
> It is rather sad, but I will be fine. I am taking a couple of alone days to reflect on myself. The thing that worked with Blue is that we are extremely similar, we shared a lot of ideologies pertaining life. In another situation, I am sure we could have made it.
> But I know he cares deeply about someone else, perhaps this is the reason he cannot committ to anyone else. He is still hurting. Just like I am.
> It was a lot of fun!
> 
> WH: Where did you post go?? You posted something regarding how Blue was very gentle with his response, but now it is gone. I was going to reply to you something snarky  you dodged a bullet!!


Sorry about the sitch ne but , l reckon did the right thing for you .
Dunno, l was trying to edit it and lost it so thought to hell with it but not to worry. Always nice dodging any bullets :rofl:
But he did always seem to have a gentle way about him - was l wrong or ?
Oh well , what's it matter anyway .


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Oh geez. K. I've just been trying to navigate FWB and am just curious how other people have managed - if it can be done successfully. I have found that it hasn't worked for me for various reasons. If I like the person, it's hard to not want more. If I don't particularly care for the person, it's hard to continue seeing them even if the sex is good, because it feels cold. And regardless of the emotions involved, I don't share. The idea of the guy sleeping with other people is just painful no matter what.


FWB arrangements are not for the faint of heart.


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> So RD - what is it about your FWB that makes you sure she isn't LTR material? And how do you know you aren't for her? Are you "dating" too? And if you met a woman you wanted to keep dating, when would you be willing to drop the FWB?


Not having a go at you or anything F but l use to get asked this one all the time from girls and l could never for the life of me understand it . You just know .
Women must work so different to guys, l just don't get how they can't know. l know in seconds .
But , l guess in saying that , there can be just stuff to though , separate from any feelings l have , like with T for example. Not a doubt in my mind , l know the second l look at her every time l look at her but there is stuff but it's other stuff. So on that level , l just don't know.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Sorry about the sitch ne but , l reckon did the right thing for you .
> Dunno, l was trying to edit it and lost it so thought to hell with it but not to worry. Always nice dodging any bullets :rofl:
> But he did always seem to have a gentle way about him - was l wrong or ?
> Oh well , what's it matter anyway .


You were right, he is a gentle person. It almost felt as if everything he did was just to make me happy for the short duration that we were together. Although we did butt heads on some issues, we always saw each others point of view.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah right , must admit that was pretty well the impression l usually got when you talked about him .


----------



## whitehawk

Was it in this thread someone was talking about dreams the other day.

God last night l dream l broke down outside of ex's om's property , cept l didn't know it was his place and went in looking for a phone.
He was showing me some old tables in the barn he's gf was doing up , all re lacquered and beautifully repaired.
l said ahh , they look like the kind of thing my ex would love doing . And right then we looked at each other and knew who each other was and she was the same girl.

l remember thinking at that split second in the dream , fk this l'm not going there and woke myself up.

Hope that doesn't mean l'll be meeting him


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Yeah right , must admit that was pretty well the impression l usually got when you talked about him .


Emotianlly unavailable men are not mean or rude or ugly. They are decent people who are just unable to committ or be emotionally open. He was honest with me from the beginning, I do not blame myself. I am grateful for the time we spent together and I have learned much. 

They also crave the attention, and believe it or not, do feel bad when they are rejected. I have learned quite a bit from research. I will probably talk about him for quite a while haha, but that is just my own insecurities and yearning to be loved


----------



## firebelly1

whitehawk said:


> Not having a go at you or anything F but l use to get asked this one all the time from girls and l could never for the life of me understand it . You just know .
> Women must work so different to guys, l just don't get how they can't know. l know in seconds .
> But , l guess in saying that , there can be just stuff to though , separate from any feelings l have , like with T for example. Not a doubt in my mind , l know the second l look at her every time l look at her but there is stuff but it's other stuff. So on that level , l just don't know.


You know T is or isn't LTR material? Sorry if I missed that somewhere. 

I know within seconds if I'm attracted to someone but it took me 14 years to figure out my XH wasn't LTR material. You don't know if this person is truthful, loyal, a giver or a taker. You can't know those things within seconds. 

With one of my FWB I knew after our first post-sex conversation because he wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and I completely disagreed with his politics. But everybody else...always in the back of my mind I've been like "Maybe this could become a thing..."


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Oh geez. K. I've just been trying to navigate FWB and am just curious how other people have managed - if it can be done successfully. I have found that it hasn't worked for me for various reasons. If I like the person, it's hard to not want more. If I don't particularly care for the person, it's hard to continue seeing them even if the sex is good, because it feels cold. And regardless of the emotions involved, I don't share. The idea of the guy sleeping with other people is just painful no matter what.


Right, I could never do it. Not even sure I could get off having sex with someone I have no emotions for honestly. Way to intertwined for me. I have found that if I don't have some form of intimate emotional spark I won't cum or at least I would REALLY have to work at it :/ And there is no chance she is going to make me cum so whats the point?+

And yeah I DO NOT SHARE period. I have no idea why I just don't. Different strokes for different folks I guess, just find someone with the same idea of a relationship and don't even bother with the ones who don't see it like you...you can't change them.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Was it in this thread someone was talking about dreams the other day.
> 
> God last night l dream l broke down outside of ex's om's property , cept l didn't know it was his place and went in looking for a phone.
> He was showing me some old tables in the barn he's gf was doing up , all re lacquered and beautifully repaired.
> l said ahh , they look like the kind of thing my ex would love doing . And right then we looked at each other and knew who each other was and she was the same girl.
> 
> l remember thinking at that split second in the dream , fk this l'm not going there and woke myself up.
> 
> Hope that doesn't mean l'll be meeting him


Hmm WH why do you have such a problem with this? I mean I know the obvious reasons but don't you think you should start working through these emotions? I am sure you would have a much easier time connecting with someone new once you release yourself from her.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> Right, I could never do it. Not even sure I could get off having sex with someone I have no emotions for honestly. Way to intertwined for me. I have found that if I don't have some form of intimate emotional spark I won't cum or at least I would REALLY have to work at it :/ And there is no chance she is going to make me cum so whats the point?


Oh you never know. Some girls like a challenge. 

I've read a few posts by a few other guys now who have said something similar (need emotions for sex) and it's fascinating to me, and admirable honestly.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Hmm WH why do you have such a problem with this? I mean I know the obvious reasons but don't you think you should start working through these emotions? I am sure you would have a much easier time connecting with someone new once you release yourself from her.


Ahh, l'm released , no worries there , well mostly . Doesn't mean l have to like what happened though or the person that helped. 
l'm cool with that , it'd be damn unnatural to ever wanna be near him anyway and that's fine with me.

Funny though, as a matter of fact l'm watching and listening to T the other day and thinking , among lots and lots of other goodies , Jesus Christ WH , will you just look at this women , to hell with ex l want this one any day :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Right, I could never do it. Not even sure I could get off having sex with someone I have no emotions for honestly. Way to intertwined for me. I have found that if I don't have some form of intimate emotional spark I won't cum or at least I would REALLY have to work at it :/ And there is no chance she is going to make me cum so whats the point?+
> 
> And yeah I DO NOT SHARE period. I have no idea why I just don't. Different strokes for different folks I guess, just find someone with the same idea of a relationship and don't even bother with the ones who don't see it like you...you can't change them.


Doesn't matter why anyway though does it AP, it's natural to feel that way. 
Damn unnatural to fk with people you don't feel for l reckon and anytime l've gone against it it's revolted me.
That's cool with me , why would l wanna fight it .


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Doesn't matter why anyway though does it AP, it's natural to feel that way.
> *Damn unnatural to fk with people you don't feel for l reckon and anytime l've gone against it it's revolted me.
> That's cool with me , why would l wanna fight it* .


EggFrickenZacktly


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> You know T is or isn't LTR material? Sorry if I missed that somewhere.
> 
> Yeah , hell yeah , in asecond. It's about the person just as much as the package to though , it's the whole deal. The person is the package .
> And now you'll think , but how can you know about the person , well l don't know , l just can. The person shows just as much as the packaging.
> Of course , they could turn out all wrong or maybe it doesn't work out for some other reason later on. But if l don't feel all that to start then it ain't happening .
> 
> Same for the reverse just like RD's always known she isn't his package , you just know .


----------



## firebelly1

Well WH, maybe I can relate in the sense that I can be discriminating. I haven't actually slept with anyone I didn't think had potential as a partner. Is that the same thing? I mean, if I checked them off the list I knew pretty quickly, but I typically won't pursue or let myself be pursued by anyone I don't think has potential and that is mostly based on instinct (and profiles when online).


----------



## whitehawk

l hope someones around right now , l need some advice urgent like.
Should l give this friend more money , what do you think ?

l've been helping out a friend with some cash, she's got 3 kids. Yep she is in distress alright but hey she's a friend , what else could l have done. lf l didn't she wouldn't even have food for the kids.
So l've lent her about a grand over the last few wks in bits and pieces . l'll probably never see it again, l don't really care .
Thing is now , she's had that much going on , everything was being cut off , she's still flat broke again.
Well, l was loaded 3 or 4wks back so l wasn't worried either way anyway but now l'm down again because l have to finish the next job. That's how my income goes and the out goings are 1,000s so l always have to make sure l keep plenty back up. 
So l could sorta give her more , but l'd also very much risk right now leaving myself short and then screwed if pays don't come in on time, which happens all the time , there's no way to know until the time comes.

But she's back to no food for the kids , at all, right now , and only 5 dollars to her name .
She's just had all these dramas l won't go into but anyway , this is where it's left her life right now.
l feel terrible not helping , l don't know what she'll do for the kids as we speak but hey l've also helped a heap as well and l always have to be very careful from here on at this time of the mth with back up.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I ended it with Hot Fireman today. Since we got back together, he's been increasingly flaky about making dates and keeping the dates that we've made, he's been increasingly flaky about responding to my text messages, and increasingly flaky about answering the phone and returning my calls.

We talked about it a week ago, and I made it clear that this was unacceptable for me in what's supposed to be a relationship. He apologized and said that he would do better, but this entire week it's been nothing but the same.

Actions > words, right?

So I used the Evan Mark Katz breakup for a noncommittal man, as referred to by NE. I had to do it by text, no real choice in that matter... and, not surprisingly, I've received no response. 

I gave him his second chance, and he blew it big time. I'm not terribly happy with the outcome, but (most of) it was fun while it lasted. I don't regret giving him the second chance; it serves to me that I didn't over-react the the first time around (and I did get a little more sex out of it). It was a good learning experience for me, I think. 

The only problem is that now I've re-discovered how awesome sex can be, my source has dried up 

Anyway, back to my earlier plan to ask out that PhD student... I emailed him today, and found out that he's defending his dissertation the third week of October. He said he hoped that I could come.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l hope someones around right now , l need some advice urgent like.
> Should l give this friend more money , what do you think ?
> 
> l've been helping out a friend with some cash, she's got 3 kids. Yep she is in distress alright but hey she's a friend , what else could l have done. lf l didn't she wouldn't even have food for the kids.
> So l've lent her about a grand over the last few wks in bits and pieces . l'll probably never see it again, l don't really care .
> Thing is now , she's had that much going on , everything was being cut off , she's still flat broke again.
> Well, l was loaded 3 or 4wks back so l wasn't worried either way anyway but now l'm down again because l have to finish the next job. That's how my income goes and the out goings are 1,000s so l always have to make sure l keep plenty back up.
> So l could sorta give her more , but l'd also very much risk right now leaving myself short and then screwed if pays don't come in on time, which happens all the time , there's no way to know until the time comes.
> 
> But she's back to no food for the kids , at all, right now , and only 5 dollars to her name .
> She's just had all these dramas l won't go into but anyway , this is where it's left her life right now.
> l feel terrible not helping , l don't know what she'll do for the kids as we speak but hey l've also helped a heap as well and l always have to be very careful from here on at this time of the mth with back up.


No, if you need to be careful with your spending, I would not lend her money.
I am a generous person but I draw the line when the pattern keeps repeating itself.
You have already lent her money and by your own admission, you will probably never see a penny of it back.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, I ended it with Hot Fireman today. Since we got back together, he's been increasingly flaky about making dates and keeping the dates that we've made, he's been increasingly flaky about responding to my text messages, and increasingly flaky about answering the phone and returning my calls.
> 
> We talked about it a week ago, and I made it clear that this was unacceptable for me in what's supposed to be a relationship. He apologized and said that he would do better, but this entire week it's been nothing but the same.
> 
> Actions > words, right?
> 
> So I used the Evan Mark Katz breakup for a noncommittal man, as referred to by NE. I had to do it by text, no real choice in that matter... and, not surprisingly, I've received no response.
> 
> I gave him his second chance, and he blew it big time. I'm not terribly happy with the outcome, but (most of) it was fun while it lasted. I don't regret giving him the second chance; it serves to me that I didn't over-react the the first time around (and I did get a little more sex out of it). It was a good learning experience for me, I think.
> 
> The only problem is that now I've re-discovered how awesome sex can be, my source has dried up
> 
> Anyway, back to my earlier plan to ask out that PhD student... I emailed him today, and found out that he's defending his dissertation the third week of October. He said he hoped that I could come.


I am sorry 
I have become an avid reader of Evan MK's blogs. I really like them.
I also found this website and article. You might find it helpful.


A Thesis for Emotionally Unavailable Men


EDIT: I am trying to watch as much of Battlestar Galactica before it gets taken off of Netflix!
THat is my favorite show evah!!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> l hope someones around right now , l need some advice urgent like.
> Should l give this friend more money , what do you think ?
> 
> l've been helping out a friend with some cash, she's got 3 kids. Yep she is in distress alright but hey she's a friend , what else could l have done. lf l didn't she wouldn't even have food for the kids.
> So l've lent her about a grand over the last few wks in bits and pieces . l'll probably never see it again, l don't really care .
> Thing is now , she's had that much going on , everything was being cut off , she's still flat broke again.
> Well, l was loaded 3 or 4wks back so l wasn't worried either way anyway but now l'm down again because l have to finish the next job. That's how my income goes and the out goings are 1,000s so l always have to make sure l keep plenty back up.
> So l could sorta give her more , but l'd also very much risk right now leaving myself short and then screwed if pays don't come in on time, which happens all the time , there's no way to know until the time comes.
> 
> But she's back to no food for the kids , at all, right now , and only 5 dollars to her name .
> She's just had all these dramas l won't go into but anyway , this is where it's left her life right now.
> l feel terrible not helping , l don't know what she'll do for the kids as we speak but hey l've also helped a heap as well and l always have to be very careful from here on at this time of the mth with back up.


I admire your desire to help her, but not if it's going to put you in dire financial straits. I don't know what type of resources are available in your neck of the woods (you're in Australia, right?), but maybe you can help ease her circumstances in some way other than financially, like helping her get some govt assistance, bringing her some groceries, or watching the kids so she can have some stress-free time to herself. Maybe ask her what you can do for her, aside from money. 

Are there other people who can help in this situation?


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> So, I ended it with Hot Fireman today. Since we got back together, he's been increasingly flaky about making dates and keeping the dates that we've made, he's been increasingly flaky about responding to my text messages, and increasingly flaky about answering the phone and returning my calls.
> 
> We talked about it a week ago, and I made it clear that this was unacceptable for me in what's supposed to be a relationship. He apologized and said that he would do better, but this entire week it's been nothing but the same.
> 
> Actions > words, right?
> 
> So I used the Evan Mark Katz breakup for a noncommittal man, as referred to by NE. I had to do it by text, no real choice in that matter... and, not surprisingly, I've received no response.
> 
> I gave him his second chance, and he blew it big time. I'm not terribly happy with the outcome, but (most of) it was fun while it lasted. I don't regret giving him the second chance; it serves to me that I didn't over-react the the first time around (and I did get a little more sex out of it). It was a good learning experience for me, I think.
> 
> The only problem is that now I've re-discovered how awesome sex can be, my source has dried up
> 
> Anyway, back to my earlier plan to ask out that PhD student... I emailed him today, and found out that he's defending his dissertation the third week of October. He said he hoped that I could come.


Sorry to hear Fem, but at the same time happy that you are making decisions in your own best interest. 

Basically, this x1000:
*Actions > words*

Tonight was supposed to have a great date night with Aviator. He cancelled two hours before the date via _text_ because he was tired. :scratchhead:

I called him out on the bs and said I didn't appreciate the 
late cancellation nor receiving that info via text. I told him I felt like we were in two different places and refused to invest time/energy into someone I felt was flakey. He said he understood, but I wondered if he really did. Call ended with him saying he'd talk to me soon. 

I wonder if he could hear the regret in my voice when I said goodnight, because I find it unlikely we will continue to see each other soon if ever again. Stings a bit - because I liked him.

No storm in nature lasts forever though, right? And, there are plenty of fish in the sea! #oceananalogies


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am sorry
> I have become an avid reader of Evan MK's blogs. I really like them.
> I also found this website and article. You might find it helpful.
> 
> 
> A Thesis for Emotionally Unavailable Men


Thanks, NE. I went into this assuming that is was going to end at some point, anyway. He was hot and the chemistry was A-MAZ-ING, but I knew it didn't really have long-long term potential anyway. And all of this sh!t over the last few weeks, well, it's been prepping me for this to end.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Sorry to hear Fem, but at the same time happy that you are making decisions in your own best interest.
> 
> Basically, this x1000:
> *Actions > words*
> 
> Tonight was supposed to have a great date night with Aviator. He cancelled two hours before the date via _text_ because he was tired. :scratchhead:
> 
> I called him out on the bs and said I didn't appreciate the
> late cancellation nor receiving that info via text. I told him I felt like we were in two different places and refused to invest time/energy into someone I felt was flakey. He said he understood, but I wondered if he really did. Call ended with him saying he'd talk to me soon.
> 
> I wonder if he could hear the regret in my voice when I said goodnight, because I find it unlikely we will continue to see each other soon if ever again. Stings a bit - because I liked him.
> 
> No storm in nature lasts forever though, right? And, there are plenty of fish in the sea! #oceananalogies


I'm choosing to be proud of myself and happy that I'm learning to make better decisions for myself. It kind of fills me with positive thoughts about the possibilities for myself.

EDITED TO ADD: I'd rather be happy alone, doing my own thing and making myself happy, than be with someone who gives me less than I deserve.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Sorry to hear Fem, but at the same time happy that you are making decisions in your own best interest.
> 
> Basically, this x1000:
> *Actions > words*
> 
> Tonight was supposed to have a great date night with Aviator. He cancelled two hours before the date via _text_ because he was tired. :scratchhead:
> 
> I called him out on the bs and said I didn't appreciate the
> late cancellation nor receiving that info via text. I told him I felt like we were in two different places and refused to invest time/energy into someone I felt was flakey. He said he understood, but I wondered if he really did. Call ended with him saying he'd talk to me soon.
> 
> I wonder if he could hear the regret in my voice when I said goodnight, because I find it unlikely we will continue to see each other soon if ever again. Stings a bit - because I liked him.
> 
> *No storm in nature lasts forever though, right? And, there are plenty of fish in the sea*! #oceananalogies


I admire your no BS attitude!! I would have simply said "okay" well maybe old me.... 



FeministInPink said:


> I'm choosing to be proud of myself and happy that I'm learning to make better decisions for myself. It kind of fills me with positive thoughts about the possibilities for myself.


OMG FIP! I felt the same way when I ended things with Blue! Yeah, I cried but I felt so empowered! 
I know that for most of you a break up is just a break up. However, never before had I ended things with anyone without feeling guilty, or worried about how they felt!

This time, I felt no guilt. I am also feeling very calm and content.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> OMG FIP! I felt the same way when I ended things with Blue! Yeah, I cried but I felt so empowered!
> I know that for most of you a break up is just a break up. However, never before had I ended things with anyone without feeling guilty, or worried about how they felt!
> 
> This time, I felt no guilt. I am also feeling very calm and content.


I cried the first time I broke up with Fireman. Not this time. Because I know I'm worth more.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I cried the first time I broke up with Fireman. Not this time. Because I know I'm worth more.


:iagree:


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> I admire your desire to help her, but not if it's going to put you in dire financial straits. I don't know what type of resources are available in your neck of the woods (you're in Australia, right?), but maybe you can help ease her circumstances in some way other than financially, like helping her get some govt assistance, bringing her some groceries, or watching the kids so she can have some stress-free time to herself. Maybe ask her what you can do for her, aside from money.
> 
> Are there other people who can help in this situation?



Thanks for that fem and ne.
Nope there's no one else now , or gov help left but it is coming , she is waiting on some. But basically she's exhausted everything long ago with the [email protected] that's happened , l think anyone else has gotten to my point , can't lend her any more.
l just want the kids to have food you know.

Could advice thanks for that fem , gonna think what else l can do .


----------



## whitehawk

Well , flakey is never a good sign , l fkg hate flakey but it can also take us guys time to become unflakey when we've been free for awhile .
But new love is usually more than enough incentive and mojo if it's all happening, l can never fkg wait to see T . 
So , you probably did the right thing l think fem but sorry it didn't work out. It's a pretty big ocean out there though isn't it


----------



## ne9907

I seriously love Battlestar Galactica. I had forgotten how much I loved that show.
Now, I am fighting the urge to text Blue eyes to tell him how much I am enjoying myself. I would do that quite often 
and he would call me a nerd 

In other news, I had a psychic reading today. Most of it was spot on, most of it I already knew. She (psychic) told me that she could sense the energy of my soul mate still around me.
According to her, my soulmate is/was my ex husband. She also said we only have one soul mate in our lifetime. 
Well, that sort of sucks for me since I do not want nor need ex husband in my life at all.
She did said, I would find happiness with someone else but not anytime soon. 
She wanted to give me spiritual healing (at extra cost) because according to her my heart chakra is blocked. This blockage causes inability to truly connect with someone.
Now, I shall do research on healing my hear chakra!!

First of all, I refuse to believe ex husband is my soulmate. However, in the event that he was my soul mate, then more power to me, since I was able to move away from so-called-soulmate.


----------



## whitehawk

Been thinking. l know the sitch she's in and the kids and everything , but l think l've done enough . Probably over a 1000 bucks l think.
That's a fair bit of cash to just give someone isn't it .


----------



## whitehawk

One soul mate , geez that's a worry. My ex was mine too but l fkd that up , well actually we both did.
Hope she's wrong ne , l'd love to have another soul mate one day .


----------



## moxy

The problem with the one, true soul-mate idea: 

What If Everyone Had Only One True Soul Mate, a Random Person Somewhere in the World?

There can be many possible soul-mates for any one soul, in my opinion.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Firebelly, you don't want to get into that with RD. Trust me. You'll regret it.


Lol, I shall restrain myself 



firebelly1 said:


> Oh geez. K. I've just been trying to navigate FWB and am just curious how other people have managed - if it can be done successfully. I have found that it hasn't worked for me for various reasons. If I like the person, it's hard to not want more. If I don't particularly care for the person, it's hard to continue seeing them even if the sex is good, because it feels cold. And regardless of the emotions involved, I don't share. The idea of the guy sleeping with other people is just painful no matter what.





firebelly1 said:


> So RD - what is it about your FWB that makes you sure she isn't LTR material? And how do you know you aren't for her? Are you "dating" too? And if you met a woman you wanted to keep dating, when would you be willing to drop the FWB?


Tis simple: When I ask myself if I could ever consider spending the rest of my life with FWB I go "no way"! So I don't want more from her, and even if the sex is a little cold it's fun and much better than celibacy I tell ya. Besides, I do care about her as a friend, and do enjoy errr "assisting in her release" hehe so to speak but that's about it.

As for dating, if I date I do tell FWB and recently I did date someone in which I told FWB from the get go. Honesty is vital in FWB arrangements to avoid harsh feelings. My arrangement with FWB has evolved quite alot from our humble beginnings as a FB arrangement so at the moment we're still exclusive.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Lol, I shall restrain myself
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Tis simple: When I ask myself if I could ever consider spending the rest of my life with FWB I go "no way"! So I don't want more from her, and even if the sex is a little cold it's fun and much better than celibacy I tell ya. Besides, I do care about her as a friend, and do enjoy errr "assisting in her release" hehe so to speak but that's about it.
> 
> As for dating, if I date I do tell FWB and recently I did date someone in which I told FWB from the get go. Honesty is vital in FWB arrangements to avoid harsh feelings. My arrangement with FWB has evolved quite alot from our humble beginnings as a FB arrangement so at the moment we're still exclusive.


I actually get all of that. I think if I could guarantee an exclusive FWB situation from the beginning there would be some nice things about it, as you mention.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I am sorry
> I have become an avid reader of Evan MK's blogs. I really like them.
> I also found this website and article. You might find it helpful.
> 
> 
> A Thesis for Emotionally Unavailable Men
> 
> 
> EDIT: I am trying to watch as much of Battlestar Galactica before it gets taken off of Netflix!
> THat is my favorite show evah!!!!


LOVE BSG. My son and I are trying to get through it as fast as we can. I didn't realize they pull things off of Netflix.  We are only halfway through the 3rd season. Thank goodness, it is a second viewing for me. 



FeministInPink said:


> I cried the first time I broke up with Fireman. Not this time. Because I know I'm worth more.


Good for you! :smthumbup: Now, tell us about PhD student! That sounds promising...and a better match up on top.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> I seriously love Battlestar Galactica. I had forgotten how much I loved that show.
> Now, I am fighting the urge to text Blue eyes to tell him how much I am enjoying myself. I would do that quite often
> and he would call me a nerd
> 
> In other news, I had a psychic reading today. Most of it was spot on, most of it I already knew. She (psychic) told me that she could sense the energy of my soul mate still around me.
> According to her, my soulmate is/was my ex husband. She also said we only have one soul mate in our lifetime.
> Well, that sort of sucks for me since I do not want nor need ex husband in my life at all.
> She did said, I would find happiness with someone else but not anytime soon.
> She wanted to give me spiritual healing (at extra cost) because according to her my heart chakra is blocked. This blockage causes inability to truly connect with someone.
> Now, I shall do research on healing my hear chakra!!
> 
> First of all, I refuse to believe ex husband is my soulmate. However, in the event that he was my soul mate, then more power to me, since I was able to move away from so-called-soulmate.


Yeah - the only-one-soul-mate idea is a trap and I don't buy it either. AND...probably best not to trust what one little old psychic says about it eh? There was a year I went to three different psychics who all said completely different things about whether my XH and I would get pregnant. They are not scientists, they are at best, intuitives and at worst, con artists. So be careful there. 

In re: your heart chakra. I had someone tell me the same thing once and although I'm skeptical about whether a chakra is a real thing, I have been taking a meditation class recently designed to clear your chakras and something seems to be happening. You can find meditations on youtube specifically designed for each chakra. May be worth a try.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah - the only-one-soul-mate idea is a trap and I don't buy it either. AND...probably best not to trust what one little old psychic says about it eh? There was a year I went to three different psychics who all said completely different things about whether my XH and I would get pregnant. They are not scientists, they are at best, intuitives and at worst, con artists. So be careful there.
> 
> In re: your heart chakra. I had someone tell me the same thing once and although I'm skeptical about whether a chakra is a real thing, I have been taking a meditation class recently designed to clear your chakras and something seems to be happening.* You can find meditations on youtube specifically designed for each chakra*. May be worth a try.


:iagree:

I don't buy it either. Maybe the energy she felt was that of Blue eyes as we had recently ended things. 
I do know she was fishing hard to get me to take "spiritual healing" sessions with her. 
I will not. I am doing the research myself.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> LOVE BSG. My son and I are trying to get through it as fast as we can. I didn't realize they pull things off of Netflix.  We are only halfway through the 3rd season. Thank goodness, it is a second viewing for me.
> 
> 
> 
> Good for you! :smthumbup: Now, tell us about PhD student! That sounds promising...and a better match up on top.


He's a PhD student at the school where I work. I've known him for years, and I've always found him attractive and interesting. I remember the first time I met him, 6 months before I got married. He had just been admitted to our MA program, and he came into the Admissions Office to thank all of us for our hard work during the app process, and to thank us for admitting him. I remember thinking, if I wasn't engaged, I would totally ask him out.

I used to see him around campus a lot, and he's always stepped up to help me out at the nth hour when I've had problems finding student/alum volunteers. He's well spoken, and seems at ease in every situation, and is a sharp dresser. The man looks good, no matter what he's wearing. 

I haven't seen him much lately; he spent all of 2013 doing research/writing in Italy, and since he's been back, he hasn't been on campus. I saw him once, back in April, but I didn't have the chance to ask him out then (which is just as well, I don't think I was ready back in April).


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah - the only-one-soul-mate idea is a trap and I don't buy it either. AND...probably best not to trust what one little old psychic says about it eh? There was a year I went to three different psychics who all said completely different things about whether my XH and I would get pregnant. They are not scientists, they are at best, intuitives and at worst, con artists. So be careful there.
> 
> In re: your heart chakra. I had someone tell me the same thing once and although I'm skeptical about whether a chakra is a real thing, I have been taking a meditation class recently designed to clear your chakras and something seems to be happening. You can find meditations on youtube specifically designed for each chakra. May be worth a try.


Back about fifteen years ago I signed up for Tai Chi and Hun Gar Kung Fu classes. I quit after a few weeks because all my instructor wanted to do was teach us guys to sit and meditate and feel each other's chi. It was spiritual gayness....I didn't like it. 

So I left that and signed up for a Krav Maga class. They kicked my ass properly....


----------



## firebelly1

bandit.45 said:


> Back about fifteen years ago I signed up for Tai Chi and Hun Gar Kung Fu classes. I quit after a few weeks because all my instructor wanted to do was teach us guys to sit and meditate and feel each other's chi. It was spiritual gayness....I didn't like it.
> 
> So I left that and signed up for a Krav Maga class. They kicked my ass properly....


I keep leaning toward the idea that I might like to try a martial art. Running on the treadmill and lifting weights is okay in small doses but I'd rather be doing something fitness wise that's more fun. 

This meditation class I've been taking is typically prefaced by the instructor spouting his random spiritual theories and I tune him out. Had enough of gurus in my day, thanks. Lets just get to it.


----------



## whitehawk

Really though , l reckon there's at least 5 or 6 soul mates for all of us.
They'd all be different and the thing we have would all be different but still equally as soul matish just in indavidual ways .


----------



## whitehawk

During the really ugly times after my sep , l thought about learning meditation, thought :rofl:
That's as far as l got :scratchhead:


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> Really though , l reckon there's at least 5 or 6 soul mates for all of us.
> They'd all be different and the thing we have would all be different but still equally as soul matish just in indavidual ways .


I've thought about this before. Wouldn't it be weird if one of our soul-mates was a conservative banker and another was a beach living Rastafarian? Meanwhile the third one's a wheelchair-bound triathlete? 

Hey, you never know!


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Back about fifteen years ago I signed up for Tai Chi and Hun Gar Kung Fu classes. I quit after a few weeks because all my instructor wanted to do was teach us guys to sit and meditate and feel each other's chi. *It was spiritual gayness*....I didn't like it.


:lol:
I want some spiritual gayness  I really do. 



firebelly1 said:


> This meditation class I've been taking is typically prefaced by the instructor spouting his random spiritual theories and I tune him out. Had enough of gurus in my day, thanks. Lets just get to it.


I have never taken any type of meditation class at all. 
I feel an urgency to nurture my spiritual side. Perhaps going to church again will help. I agree with you, I feel that whenever I hear their theories I will laugh out loud! 
Today, on a reply to the humanoid dream I had, someone said that connected houses mean a spiritual connection. 
I have a spiritual connection with a humanoid! or perhaps with blue lol



whitehawk said:


> Really though , l reckon there's at least 5 or 6 soul mates for all of us.
> They'd all be different and the thing we have would all be different but still equally as soul matish just in indavidual ways .


I actually think there is only one soulmate for us. Most of us never find him/her. There are many companions. I have not found my soulmate. My ex was definitely not my soulmate. 
This is the definition of soulmate:

*A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them*

Ex was not that. Definitely not.


----------



## bravenewworld

Feeling better today. No word from Aviator, which I actually think is a good thing. I need time to cool off and process. Already pulling back...the door's closed but I'm going to wait a bit on locking it. Giving myself a chance to be surprised but still prepared for the most likely outcome. 

Plenty of other things to focus on and keep busy with. Not only am I moving next week (?!) but also have a weekend casino trip two weeks from now to finish planning. It's nice to have something to look forward to. 

I know I should be "better than" this, but recently heard an update about a guy named George who I was dating a few months back and caught cheating with his ex. They moved in together - and one month later, she left him to move in with someone else. 

Trying to not take pleasure in anyone's pain, but I can't deny I feel like the karma train may have pulled into the station......


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Really though , l reckon there's at least 5 or 6 soul mates for all of us.
> They'd all be different and the thing we have would all be different but still equally as soul matish just in indavidual ways .


I'm with you, but I don't believe in soul mates. I think we all have the capacity to love many people with all our heart many times in our lives. Ive had three or four women in my life who each would have made a good wife. Life circumstances and bad choices fvcked up most of those relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Hey Moxy....how are you doing sweetie?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I was the other woman.
I saw Blue two weeks ago, I ended things on Wednesday, then today I saw a picture of him and his wife (?) on social media.

Her status reads as married. You all know I have an obsession with googling people and checking up on them. Before I had googled him but nothing came out. I knew he had an ex, because he told me, and I had googled her previously. 
I wanted to make sure he was indeed divorced. I never found any marriage records nor divorce records.

I feel awful. I feel sad. Almost angry. I have never been in this situation before.

EDIT: Feeling worse. But I found the silver lining.... I cannot possibly think of him in a romantic setting because he is married.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I was the other woman.
> I saw Blue two weeks ago, I ended things on Wednesday, then today I saw a picture of him and his wife (?) on social media.
> 
> Her status reads as married. You all know I have an obsession with googling people and checking up on them. Before I had googled him but nothing came out. I knew he had an ex, because he told me, and I had googled her previously.
> I wanted to make sure he was indeed divorced. I never found any marriage records nor divorce records.
> 
> I feel awful. I feel sad. Almost angry. I have never been in this situation before.
> 
> EDIT: Feeling worse. But I found the silver lining.... I cannot possibly think of him in a romantic setting because he is married.


Oh. My. God. Ne, I'm so sorry... I can relate. I was unwittingly the other woman with a guy I was seeing, way back before I got with my ex-husband, before there was such a thing as social media.

That really, really sucks. But you were not an accomplice! Don't feel awful about yourself. You can be angry at him. But you didn't know.

Wow. He turned out to be a real douche canoe. But I'm guessing it explains a lot...


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Oh. My. God. Ne, I'm so sorry... I can relate. I was unwittingly the other woman with a guy I was seeing, way back before I got with my ex-husband, before there was such a thing as social media.
> 
> That really, really sucks. But you were not an accomplice! Don't feel awful about yourself. You can be angry at him. But you didn't know.
> 
> Wow. He turned out to be a real douche canoe. But I'm guessing it explains a lot...


Yes, it does explain a lot of things.
I am a bit heartbroken, I will not lie. I am concerned about my irrational fear of being alone. I am confronted to face my fear, my envy (because they look so happy together, he looks whole and I want that for me), but instead of envy I shall wish them both happiness. 
I want no negative feelings in my mind. I deleted his number (again!!) this time for the last time.
I also deleted all of his pictures. I am sad, but I will rebound.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> :lol.
> 
> 
> 
> @ That was my ex and l  and , there is something big going on with T , we both know it . l'll explain more sometime.
> 
> 
> 
> I actually think there is only one soulmate for us. Most of us never find him/her. There are many companions. I have not found my soulmate. My ex was definitely not my soulmate.
> This is the definition of soulmate:
> 
> *A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them*
> 
> Ex was not that. Definitely not.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I'm with you, but I don't believe in soul mates. I think we all have the capacity to love many people with all our heart many times in our lives. Ive had three or four women in my life who each would have made a good wife. Life circumstances and bad choices fvcked up most of those relationships.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep exactly the same for me b cept l think l do believe . 
And now l see with my own eyes after going through all this [email protected], it could easily still even happen again.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I was the other woman.
> I saw Blue two weeks ago, I ended things on Wednesday, then today I saw a picture of him and his wife (?) on social media.
> 
> Her status reads as married. You all know I have an obsession with googling people and checking up on them. Before I had googled him but nothing came out. I knew he had an ex, because he told me, and I had googled her previously.
> I wanted to make sure he was indeed divorced. I never found any marriage records nor divorce records.
> 
> I feel awful. I feel sad. Almost angry. I have never been in this situation before.
> 
> EDIT: Feeling worse. But I found the silver lining.... I cannot possibly think of him in a romantic setting because he is married.


You have every right to be angry NE. It feels awful to be lied to and misled. 

Intelligent and empathetic people are often targets for sociopaths. If you have time I recommend reading "Life Code" by Dr. Phil and "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout. 

I seem to attract these type of men as well and these books have been helpful to me in identifying red flags and also given me ideas on how to decide who to allow into my life.

Please don't beat yourself up - people who do this to others are usually quite good at manipulation. To them it's all just a game and they care little for who gets hurt in the process. 

Sending you hugs, tea, and cozy slippers.


----------



## bravenewworld

Finally have figured out what a new relationship's troubles and/or end feels like - emotional sunburn.


----------



## whitehawk

Sorry ne but hey , at least you truly know you've done the right thing now .


----------



## RandomDude

Wow... he lied to you this whole time =/


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Really though , l reckon there's at least 5 or 6 soul mates for all of us.
> They'd all be different and the thing we have would all be different but still equally as soul matish just in indavidual ways .


I wouldn't even limit it at that. There are tons of people who could be called our soul mates. There are also tons of people who will just make us really happy.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I was the other woman.
> I saw Blue two weeks ago, I ended things on Wednesday, then today I saw a picture of him and his wife (?) on social media.
> 
> Her status reads as married. You all know I have an obsession with googling people and checking up on them. Before I had googled him but nothing came out. I knew he had an ex, because he told me, and I had googled her previously.
> I wanted to make sure he was indeed divorced. I never found any marriage records nor divorce records.
> 
> I feel awful. I feel sad. Almost angry. I have never been in this situation before.
> 
> EDIT: Feeling worse. But I found the silver lining.... I cannot possibly think of him in a romantic setting because he is married.


WOW. I didn't see that coming. I guess I am really naive. I am so sorry, ne. How horrid. Are you going to do anything about it?

As the wife of someone who was a serial cheater, I would have liked to be told.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> whitehawk said:
> 
> 
> 
> Really though , l reckon there's at least 5 or 6 soul mates for all of us.
> They'd all be different and the thing we have would all be different but still equally as soul matish just in indavidual ways .
> 
> 
> 
> I'm with you, but I don't believe in soul mates. I think we all have the capacity to love many people with all our heart many times in our lives. Ive had three or four women in my life who each would have made a good wife. Life circumstances and bad choices fvcked up most of those relationships.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...

Agreed. I think its a fantasy to even believe in an actual soulmate, or one and only in your entire lifetime. You experience so many different levels during your life. You are barely the same person from month to month or year to year and people will come in and out of your life all the time and life just changes after a while and people fit in differently into your different situations the universe throws at you.


----------



## Another Planet

NE I'm sorry to hear that. I do believe i told you something smelled fishy a looooong time ago BUT you had me halfway convinced a relationship can actually happen the way you were talking about it.
Having a relationship void of emotion is just not normal no matter how much ramming and fvk buddies happens. 
Just goes to show how much attachment is still present when you are still married.... GUYS that insist that there is nothing there!!! Here is an example of what you are doing to the other person you are involved with, one of our own NE got played by someone.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I was the other woman.
> I saw Blue two weeks ago, I ended things on Wednesday, then today I saw a picture of him and his wife (?) on social media.
> 
> Her status reads as married. You all know I have an obsession with googling people and checking up on them. Before I had googled him but nothing came out. I knew he had an ex, because he told me, and I had googled her previously.
> I wanted to make sure he was indeed divorced. I never found any marriage records nor divorce records.
> 
> I feel awful. I feel sad. Almost angry. I have never been in this situation before.
> 
> EDIT: Feeling worse. But I found the silver lining.... I cannot possibly think of him in a romantic setting because he is married.



Ah hell! That sucks. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's not right. 

Is this like "Relationships go to Hell Month?" 

Everybody here has been getting fvcked over!!!!


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> WOW. I didn't see that coming. I guess I am really naive. I am so sorry, ne. How horrid. Are you going to do anything about it?
> 
> As the wife of someone who was a serial cheater, I would have liked to be told.


I will not say anything to his wife about the situation. For all I know they were separated, for all I know she knows, for all I care the fact that he was married the entire time no longer matters because we are done. It is a done deal. If I had found out while we were still talking then I would have said something.





Another Planet said:


> NE I'm sorry to hear that. I do believe i told you something smelled fishy a looooong time ago BUT *you had me halfway convinced a relationship can actually happen the way you were talking about it.*
> Having a relationship void of emotion is just not normal no matter how much ramming and fvk buddies happens.
> Just goes to show how much attachment is still present when you are still married.... GUYS that insist that there is nothing there!!! Here is an example of what you are doing to the other person you are involved with, one of our own NE got played by someone.


lol, you weren't the only one who was half convinced something could happen!! I was half convinced as well. I did not commit with him all the way because his physical attributes kept holding me back , and did not see us long term.
I was pretty sad last night. I do feel better today, but I just woke up



bandit.45 said:


> Ah hell! That sucks. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's not right.
> 
> Is this like "Relationships go to Hell Month?"
> 
> Everybody here has been getting fvcked over!!!!


Seems like it 
In a way, it was my own inexperience with dating that brought this. From the very beginning, I went in just looking for sex and a rebound to cover lingering feelings I still have for ex husband. I have learned a valuable lesson here folks!


----------



## Another Planet

Do the ones that don't understand why completely single people don't like to date separated or in an unfinished divorce people yet? At any moment they can reconsider and run back to their wife/husband, that final tether has not fully been cut and they are still hanging on. OR maybe they are lying about the divorce period and you are the OM/OW but they lead you on with lies about divorce and their intentions just like what happened to NE.

What is the point anyway of getting mixed up with an involved person anyway? Their heart is not fully open for you to be in it. You will never be their only if they aren't ready for you. What maybe some day they will change? Doubt it :/.....


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Do the ones that don't understand why completely single people don't like to date separated or in an unfinished divorce people yet? At any moment they can reconsider and run back to their wife/husband, that final tether has not fully been cut and they are still hanging on. OR maybe they are lying about the divorce period and you are the OM/OW but they lead you on with lies about divorce and their intentions just like what happened to NE.
> 
> What is the point anyway of getting mixed up with an involved person anyway?* Their heart is not fully open for you to be in it. You will never be their only if they aren't ready for you*. What maybe some day they will change? Doubt it :/.....


:iagree:
I like the bolded part very much, you are absolutely right.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sorry to hear Ne. Anything that was so up and down from the start is bound to have a plot twist somewhere along the line, you're better off knowing sooner rather than later (although much sooner would have been nicer no doubt).


----------



## moxy

Yikes, NE. That really sucks!  Well, at least it's over now and you're not involved in his deception of his wife. Time to spend some time just working on yourself is a gift.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Yikes, NE. That really sucks!  Well, at least it's over now and you're not involved in his deception of his wife. Time to spend some time just working on yourself is a gift.


yes I agree. Funny isn't it? THe knowledge of his marriage is actually making me feel so depressed. 
I totally feel like losing it
Why does it make a difference? I was fine when things ended, but knowing that he was married the entire time makes me feel so sad, lost, angry, and sad!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> yes I agree. Funny isn't it? THe knowledge of his marriage is actually making me feel so depressed.
> I totally feel like losing it
> *Why does it make a difference? I was fine when things ended, but knowing that he was married the entire time makes me feel so sad, lost, angry, and sad!*


Why? Because everything...EVERYTHING...you experienced with him was a complete lie. An absolute fabrication, you were never in real life. He played you from the beginning to the end that is why you now feel bad.

I'm sorry to be so blunt NE really I am 
Just the sooner you realize this the sooner you can move on. Remember none of the feelings you experienced were real, he gave you just a piece of himself not the real him because the rest of his brain and heart were with his wife. You just got to see a part of him, usually it's the part of the cheater that they feel is repressed and need to get out...but they get it out then they go back to their stable part or in this case his wife.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> yes I agree. Funny isn't it? THe knowledge of his marriage is actually making me feel so depressed.
> I totally feel like losing it
> Why does it make a difference? I was fine when things ended, but knowing that he was married the entire time makes me feel so sad, lost, angry, and sad!


I'm guessing because you thought you had something special. And now it all feels like a lie.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Why? Because everything...EVERYTHING...you experienced with him was a complete lie. An absolute fabrication, you were never in real life. He played you from the beginning to the end that is why you now feel bad.
> 
> I'm sorry to be so blunt NE really I am
> Just the sooner you realize this the sooner you can move on. Remember none of the feelings you experienced were real, he gave you just a piece of himself not the real him because the rest of his brain and heart were with his wife. You just got to see a part of him, usually it's the part of the cheater that they feel is repressed and need to get out...but they get it out then they go back to their stable part or in this case his wife.





firebelly1 said:


> I'm guessing because you thought you had something special. And now it all feels like a lie.


Yes, a lie. Worse than just being a fwb. If he had told me the truth from the beginning, I would have said no. 
I know how it feels to be the betrayed spouse. There is no way, I would have pursued anything with him.

Duplicity is so harmful. I have thought about calling him and letting him know how much his deception hurt me. But
1. I no longer have his number. I deleted it last night and never bothered to memorize it.
2. He would not care.

Last, knowing that I was the other woman (unwillingly) hurt me so bad. How can cheaters do it? I simply do not get it.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Last, knowing that I was the other woman (unwillingly) hurt me so bad. How can cheaters do it? I simply do not get it.


Martha Stout states that the true 6th sense is having a conscience. Sociopaths simply weren't born with it - which seems unfathomable to those who possess one. 

One can liken lack of conscience to being born blind. Personally, I liken it to being born blind and yet choosing to drive a vehicle on a crowded highway.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Yes, a lie. Worse than just being a fwb. If he had told me the truth from the beginning, I would have said no.
> I know how it feels to be the betrayed spouse. There is no way, I would have pursued anything with him.
> 
> Duplicity is so harmful. I have thought about calling him and letting him know how much his deception hurt me. But
> 1. I no longer have his number. I deleted it last night and never bothered to memorize it.
> 2. He would not care.
> 
> Last, knowing that I was the other woman (unwillingly) hurt me so bad. How can cheaters do it? I simply do not get it.


Fvckn cheaters!!! GOD I hate liars and cheats!

NE...no contact from here on out. Whats the point, he has no respect for you so why would you want to even give him the time. For his attention? No it isn't even him he showed you so why do you think you would even like the real him? He is already obviously a total Dbag.
There is someone out there for you that won't do this to you I promise.



bravenewworld said:


> Martha Stout states that the true 6th sense is having a conscience. Sociopaths simply weren't born with it - which seems unfathomable to those who possess one.
> 
> One can liken lack of conscience to being born blind. Personally, I liken it to being born blind and yet choosing to drive a vehicle on a crowded highway.


:iagree: yep yep yep yep yep :smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> yes I agree. Funny isn't it? THe knowledge of his marriage is actually making me feel so depressed.
> I totally feel like losing it
> Why does it make a difference? I was fine when things ended, but knowing that he was married the entire time makes me feel so sad, lost, angry, and sad!


Because it shows what kind of person he really is. You were ok before because you respected him and had good memories.  Now, his deception shows you the true him and your memories are destroyed. It makes you doubt yourself.

eta:And yeah, I feel terrible for you. But I feel worse for his wife, because I doubt she knows.

Holy he!!, I hate, hate, hate cheaters. Fooking cowards....the lot of them.


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Ah hell! That sucks. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's not right.
> 
> Is this like "Relationships go to Hell Month?"
> 
> Everybody here has been getting fvcked over!!!!


Right?! Now I'm in the "doubting myself" stage. But he (finally!) called! He apologized! He said it wouldn't happen again!

But deep down in my gut, I personally feel like if a guy is too tired to hang out 3 weeks in, "he's just not that into you." 

The option is on the table for him to reach out and make a move, but so far, radio silence. Which probably is a sign I'm doing the right thing. 

Ne, Bandit, and Moxy - how are y'all holding up?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Fvckn cheaters!!! GOD I hate liars and cheats!
> 
> NE...no contact from here on out. Whats the point, he has no respect for you so why would you want to even give him the time. For his attention? No it isn't even him he showed you so why do you think you would even like the real him? He is already obviously a total Dbag.
> There is someone out there for you that won't do this to you I promise


That was and still is my plan, no contact. I want to thank you all for your bluntness. It has helped me tremendously. I feel much better now, much calmer. It was just a chapter in my life. 
I tend to see things as a fairy tale where good always triumphs over evil. I still want my happy ending 
I know I have so much goodness, and love, and great things to offer to someone. However, this time I shall wait until I am healed. My heart is a mess, but it is whole, it is not broken.



Fenix said:


> Because it shows what kind of person he really is. You were ok before because you respected him and had good memories. Now, his deception shows you the true him and your memories are destroyed. It makes you doubt yourself.
> 
> eta:And yeah, I feel terrible for you. But I feel worse for his wife, because I doubt she knows.
> 
> Holy he!!, I hate, hate, hate cheaters. Fooking cowards....the lot of them.


:iagree: I could not do it. I could not knowingly betray that person who I claim to love, nor could I aid someone in hurting another soul in that manner. 



bravenewworld said:


> Right?! Now I'm in the "doubting myself" stage. But he (finally!) called! He apologized! He said it wouldn't happen again!
> 
> But deep down in my gut, I personally feel like if a guy is too tired to hang out 3 weeks in, "he's just not that into you."
> 
> The option is on the table for him to reach out and make a move, but so far, radio silence. Which probably is a sign I'm doing the right thing.
> 
> Ne, Bandit, and Moxy - how are y'all holding up?


I am feeling better, loads better. Thank you all


----------



## unsure78

Ne...next time trust but verify. ..it has been very useful for me the last 2 +yrs of dating...

-all ways ask if they are divorced, never assume if a box has been checked on a dating site "divorced"

-after you get (or figure out) their last name...look up divorce records in the county court records they live or used to live in... this is often found online...

This has saved me more than a few times by dates who lied about their divorce dates when they were only separated or even just filed. ...I always gave them the opportunity to come clean on a date, since the court records dont lie but it was an automatic no more dates if they didnt...

Oh also court records (which are public) are also an easy way to see what your dates criminal history (or even speeding tickets..lol)


----------



## moxy

I've got the blues, but that's just how it goes when one's got a stubborn heart.

It looks like dating hell on the board lately!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I was the other woman.
> I saw Blue two weeks ago, I ended things on Wednesday, then today I saw a picture of him and his wife (?) on social media.
> 
> Her status reads as married.


Ugh. Sorry to hear that, Ne. So good you broke it off with him. What a jerk.



bravenewworld said:


> I've thought about this before. Wouldn't it be weird if one of our soul-mates was a conservative banker and another was a beach living Rastafarian? Meanwhile the third one's a wheelchair-bound triathlete?


Love this. Especially the rasta. 



bravenewworld said:


> I called him out on the bs and said I didn't appreciate the late cancellation nor receiving that info via text. I told him I felt like we were in two different places and refused to invest time/energy into someone I felt was flakey.* He said he understood, but I wondered if he really did*.


Yeah it's like you are telling someone something about you feelings and not sure if it's even registering. That can be really disheartening/annoying. 



bravenewworld said:


> *No storm in nature lasts forever though, right*? And, there are plenty of fish in the sea! #oceananalogies


Love this so much. :smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> I'd rather be happy alone, doing my own thing and making myself happy, than be with someone who gives me less than I deserve.


:iagree:

It really is better than being in a bad relatinship. 

Go to that guy's dissertation, FIP.


----------



## RandomDude

I know from the first impression it would seem that Ne's "FWB" was a cheater/whatever, however, the conclusion comes from a woman on his FB who decided to put "married" on her marital status.

Come to think of it, there's alot of women who put "married" on their marital status even though they aren't =/ So she could actually not be his wife, maybe he didn't lie.

I don't know, regardless it's over now and it doesn't matter. Still, just putting it out there, and I had to say it =/


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> That was and still is my plan, no contact. I want to thank you all for your bluntness. It has helped me tremendously. I feel much better now, much calmer. It was just a chapter in my life.
> I tend to see things as a fairy tale where good always triumphs over evil. I still want my happy ending
> I know I have so much goodness, and love, and great things to offer to someone. However, this time I shall wait until I am healed. My heart is a mess, but it is whole, it is not broken.


You will get your happy ending. And good generally does win out...sometimes, it just isn't how you expect it or even that obvious. And sometimes, it takes a while. 





Jellybeans said:


> Go to that guy's dissertation, FIP.


:iagree:


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Come to think of it, there's alot of women who put "married" on their marital status even though they aren't =/ So she could actually not be his wife, maybe he didn't lie.


I see your point but don't think there are a ton of people who lie about being married when they actually aren't. Especially on social media. But I think it's more likely he is married instead of it being some juvenile move by a random woman saying he's married to him when she's not.

Court records, Ne. Unsure is spot on about that. LOL.


----------



## movealong

Well, I hope my luck is changing. Last evening out of the blue I had a very attractive woman add me to her favorites on POF. Since I hadn't been really looking on POF because I hadn't had any success there, I was really surprised to see the email pop up.

Oh.My.Giddy.Cat! She is beautiful, intelligent, and well traveled as well as being an art teacher. We chatted all evening long and will be chatting again this evening. I am nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs! 

I am more excited than I have been in ages. I don't want to get my hopes up, but dang, it just clicked during our chat. I hope it translates in person if we decide to meet.

Any advice on not farking it up? LOL


----------



## Hoosier

Ne, Do what you feel is best, but as a BS who when they discovered their spouses affair, then found out about one two years earlier, I have to tell you I sure would of liked to know way earlier. You don't have to be all that graphic, or informative, but you can just tell them that you were dated a man who turned out to be their husband. They can do with it what they want, but at least they wont be like me. 4 years later be devastated. I sure wish I had known of the first one, seems like a lot of years wasted.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Ne...next time trust but verify. ..it has been very useful for me the last 2 +yrs of dating...
> 
> -all ways ask if they are divorced, never assume if a box has been checked on a dating site "divorced"
> 
> -after you get (or figure out) their last name...look up divorce records in the county court records they live or used to live in... this is often found online...
> 
> This has saved me more than a few times by dates who lied about their divorce dates when they were only separated or even just filed. ...I always gave them the opportunity to come clean on a date, since the court records dont lie but it was an automatic no more dates if they didnt...
> 
> Oh also court records (which are public) are also an easy way to see what your dates criminal history (or even speeding tickets..lol)


Unsure, is there an easy way to do this without having to pay an arm and a leg? I tried to find a way to do this to check up on Fireman, but I couldn't find a way to access public records without paying a third party $40 or $50.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> WOW. * I didn't see that coming.* I guess I am really naive. I am so sorry, ne. How horrid. Are you going to do anything about it?
> 
> As the wife of someone who was a serial cheater, I would have liked to be told.


Yes, ME TOO! I am reeling from this! I havent been on all weekend, and to come back and see this..?? Just...wow. I am so sorry, Ne! You seem to be handling it well, once you recovered from the the punch.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Unsure, is there an easy way to do this without having to pay an arm and a leg? I tried to find a way to do this to check up on Fireman, but I couldn't find a way to access public records without paying a third party $40 or $50.


That's about what it costs.
I used a service to do a complete check on a guy who wanted to have a relationship with me as well as a work partnership. I smelled a rat even though he came recommended to me from another work partner (who we now know is a little bit clueless and too trusting.) I also had access to some business records, and decided to steer clear. 

Honestly, for the amount of hassle, energy, time and opportunity costs avoided, as well as potential health issues, $50-$60 is a bargain. Anyone considering a serious relationship of any kind, owes it to themselves to conduct due diligence. 

Further on down the road, you want to exchange credit scores and financial records, along with legal constructs (i.e. when moving in together...) and medical (including psych) information as well. 

While this may seem crass, and maybe a bit of an insult to the person you're considering a relationship with, it can keep you from getting involved and suckered in to poor prospects who are going to cause more trouble than they're worth.

We are a little bit past the point in civilization where we can see for ourselves a potential mate in total transparency within a tribe setting, and also past the point where we need to rely on hearsay, gossip, talk and other social vetting (and that's a good thing.) 

There is also the bottom line: even if the person passes all these qualifications, there is still the sniff test. If you feel discomfort or emotional discord that cannot be worked out through talking to the partner in a couple conversations, early in the relationship, move on. You should not feel emotionally unhealthy or lacking in a relationship. You should feel just as healthy as you were prior to being in the relationship. If you feel your personal power slipping away into a void, that's a sign you should retreat and do some stonewalling of your own, for a good cause - your own peace and sanity.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That's about what it costs.
> I used a service to do a complete check on a guy who wanted to have a relationship with me as well as a work partnership. I smelled a rat even though he came recommended to me from another work partner (who we now know is a little bit clueless and too trusting.) I also had access to some business records, and decided to steer clear.
> 
> Honestly, for the amount of hassle, energy, time and opportunity costs avoided, as well as potential health issues, $50-$60 is a bargain. Anyone considering a serious relationship of any kind, owes it to themselves to conduct due diligence.
> 
> Further on down the road, you want to exchange credit scores and financial records, along with legal constructs (i.e. when moving in together...) and medical (including psych) information as well.
> 
> While this may seem crass, and maybe a bit of an insult to the person you're considering a relationship with, it can keep you from getting involved and suckered in to poor prospects who are going to cause more trouble than they're worth.
> 
> We are a little bit past the point in civilization where we can see for ourselves a potential mate in total transparency within a tribe setting, and also past the point where we need to rely on hearsay, gossip, talk and other social vetting (and that's a good thing.)
> 
> There is also the bottom line: even if the person passes all these qualifications, there is still the sniff test. *If you feel discomfort or emotional discord that cannot be worked out through talking to the partner in a couple conversations, early in the relationship, move on. You should not feel emotionally unhealthy or lacking in a relationship. You should feel just as healthy as you were prior to being in the relationship. If you feel your personal power slipping away into a void, that's a sign you should retreat and do some stonewalling of your own, for a good cause - your own peace and sanity*.


Thanks for this. Feeling down and missing Fireman today... this is harder than I thought.


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> Ne...next time trust but verify. ..it has been very useful for me the last 2 +yrs of dating...
> 
> Oh also court records (which are public) are also an easy way to see what your dates criminal history (or even speeding tickets..lol)


Apparently, my homework wasnt as comprehensive as it should have been. I did check him when I first met him. He told me he had an ex, stupid me assumed he was single or divorced. He never once talked about his ex. 
I checked marriage records, found none, i checked divorce records found none. So I continued with it. It is rather sad that from now on, I will have to verify what potential mates tell me. 




RandomDude said:


> I know from the first impression it would seem that Ne's "FWB" was a cheater/whatever, however, the conclusion comes from a woman on his FB who decided to put "married" on her marital status.
> 
> Come to think of it, there's alot of women who put "married" on their marital status even though they aren't =/ So she could actually not be his wife, maybe he didn't lie.
> 
> I don't know, regardless it's over now and it doesn't matter. Still, just putting it out there, and I had to say it =/


You are right, things are done, it doesnt matter except it does a bit. I am not longer upset. I believe I was so upset because I was in shock!! 
Here is the timeline as I see it (I love timelines!)
March: We met
April: being having sex
May: End things once and twice (almost a third time)
June: all is well
July: all is well
August: all is well
September
Sep 11: Last time I saw him, things were great

From Sept 11 until Sep 24 we kept comminicating as usual, nothing seemed amiss.
Sep 13-16? Sometime during this time, he became FB friends with "ex" on FB.
Sep 17-21: He goes out of town on business.
Sept 24: I end things.
Sept 27: I decided to FB stalk his ex and that is when I saw a picture of them together. She had posted it that day. Also on that same day, she changed her status as married.
I had time to check more on her since Saturday. The marriage date is Jan 2011. 
They also have a beautiful daughter ( I suspected this, but wasnt completely sure).
Sept 27: As I am checking her FB status, i noticed Blue eyes is not longer her friend on FB.

So that was it. He hasnt contacted me, I dont expect him to. 
I was shocked. I felt like I was learning about my ex's infidelities all over again. It was extremely painful! I was so overwhelmed!!



Hoosier said:


> Ne, Do what you feel is best, but as a BS who when they discovered their spouses affair, then found out about one two years earlier, I have to tell you I sure would of liked to know way earlier. You don't have to be all that graphic, or informative, but you can just tell them that you were dated a man who turned out to be their husband. They can do with it what they want, but at least they wont be like me. 4 years later be devastated. I sure wish I had known of the first one, seems like a lot of years wasted.



I understand your point of view Hoosier. I respect it. At the moment, I feel as if I have no right to say anything at all. If I were to say something to his wife, i would be doing it becasue of revenge. I have no desire to taint my soul with that.
Am I being a coward? I do not think so. 
Blue never promise undying love. He was clear from the get go, he does not feelings. Hindsight 20/20 I SHOULD HAVE known something was amiss. 

I honestly thought he was still stuck on an ex. I would have not dreamed he was married.

EDIT: The timeline was a bit overboard. I need to make sense of things on my own, because I will ask nothing of Blue.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> *Sept 27: I decided to FB stalk his ex and that is when I saw a picture of them together. She had posted it that day. Also on that same day, she changed her status as married.*
> I had time to check more on her since Saturday. The marriage date is Jan 2011.
> They also have a beautiful daughter ( I suspected this, but wasnt completely sure).
> Sept 27: As I am checking her FB status, i noticed Blue eyes is not longer her friend on FB.


It sounds like maybe they had separated, if she had JUST changed it to married. Not that it matters. Weird that he isnt her friend, unless maybe he has you blocked now.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> It sounds like maybe they had separated, if she had JUST changed it to married. Not that it matters. Weird that he isnt her friend, unless maybe he has you blocked now.


Not likely that he has me blocked. We were never FB friends. I use another account to check those pesky things. I can still see his profile on this other account.

Yes, I tend to lean towards the fact that they were separated.


----------



## Arendt

NE: I'm sorry to hear that this guy was married. I know you said you were not going to expose it. You don't know what she knows or their status, but that is how men like him get away with this kind of thing. If she knows or they are separated and not working at getting back together, then fine. Telling her is no harm done. If she thinks she is happily married or is wanting to work to get back to him, then telling her is a gift to her. Wouldn't you want to know in her shoes? 

Anyway...I am sorry to hear about this a$$hat. There are plenty of men who do not do this type of thing and are good people. But now you can at least spend some time taking care of yourself in a new way. Could be an exciting time ahead of you.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> NE: I'm sorry to hear that this guy was married. I know you said you were not going to expose it. You don't know what she knows or their status, but that is how men like him get away with this kind of thing. If she knows or they are separated and not working at getting back together, then fine. Telling her is no harm done. If she thinks she is happily married or is wanting to work to get back to him, then telling her is a gift to her. Wouldn't you want to know in her shoes?
> 
> Anyway...I am sorry to hear about this a$$hat. There are plenty of men who do not do this type of thing and are good people. But now you can at least spend some time taking care of yourself in a new way. Could be an exciting time ahead of you.


I will make a compromise. If he contacts me again, I will tell her.


----------



## Arendt

Spent a lot of time with Guatemalan this weekend. Had a lot of fun; she met some of my oldest friends and they made her feel welcome and like an old friend as well. That was good. We went to Chicago, where I gave a paper at an academic conference. That was boring. We sat for a while afterward with a couple people form the conference, one was prof at the school. They asked her what she did and she told them real estate and it was clear she was not into talking about the philosophical issues and was not in a graduate program and they didn't even try to engage with her. Stuck in their ivory tower, can't talk to normal people. I unfriended both of them on Facebook later. 

I took her home on Sunday and her exhusband was there to drop off her little boy. I had not seen him before and had not planed to. Any of you seen exes? How did you react? he didn't say anything to me, but he had this dumba$$ grin on his face. I felt myself tense up and go into a kind of fight or flight mode internally (though I didn't say anything, act abnormal, or in any way signal to him that I was uncomfortable). Meeting her little boy was nothing compared to seeing her ex. I did not like that at all. he hit her at one time, which is maybe part of the reaction...not sure. Therapy stuff maybe.


----------



## Arendt

ne9907 said:


> I will make a compromise. If he contacts me again, I will tell her.


That's a wise decision.


----------



## moxy

When one meets an ex or affair partner, there's a weird sizing up or appraisal of the other person that seems to happen. It's disconcerting. In retrospect, when I have met other women with whom my exes have either cheated or previously dated, I have noticed some of this weirdness, though I couldn't always explain why it existed. Afterward, it made sense. Meeting exes always feels a little uncomfortable and sleazy.


----------



## ne9907

Oh lol, I dont know whether to make fun at myself or be angry.
As I was responding to your thread Moxy, I realized that I felt a spiritual connection to Blue eyes.

Yeah, I did.

Also now that I am single, I have experienced so many things, so so many things that most of us experience in our 20s. I did not have most of these experiences because I was married so now I am having them. It feels so strange.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Also now that I am single, I have experienced so many things, so so many things that most of us experience in our 20s. I did not have most of these experiences because I was married so now I am having them. It feels so strange.


Right there with you. People always tell me I look quite young, and part of me feels like it's because I'm re-living the 20's experience I never had. While most people were out flirting, dating, and partying - I was at home doing movie night with my ex or sophisticated couples dinner. Pearls and all. 

Isn't it strange how much life can change?


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Right there with you. People always tell me I look quite young, and part of me feels like it's because I'm re-living the 20's experience I never had. While most people were out flirting, dating, and partying - I was at home doing movie night with my ex or sophisticated couples dinner. Pearls and all.
> 
> Isn't it strange how much life can change?


Gosh yes! 
Now, I wonder where my pearl necklace is. I havent unpacked most of my stuff...


----------



## bravenewworld

Ok, I know you probably are all going to laugh at me because this is from wikihow which I generally use to learn how to can fruit or iron a pleat - but I thought this was a really good article on having mental/emotional strength:

How to Be Mentally and Emotionally Strong: 17 Steps


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> Well, I hope my luck is changing. Last evening out of the blue I had a very attractive woman add me to her favorites on POF. Since I hadn't been really looking on POF because I hadn't had any success there, I was really surprised to see the email pop up.
> 
> Oh.My.Giddy.Cat! She is beautiful, intelligent, and well traveled as well as being an art teacher. We chatted all evening long and will be chatting again this evening. I am nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs!
> 
> I am more excited than I have been in ages. I don't want to get my hopes up, but dang, it just clicked during our chat. I hope it translates in person if we decide to meet.
> 
> *Any advice on not farking it up?* LOL


Just be yourself. Easiest way to impress someone who would be impressed by you.


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That's about what it costs.
> I used a service to do a complete check on a guy who wanted to have a relationship with me as well as a work partnership. I smelled a rat even though he came recommended to me from another work partner (who we now know is a little bit clueless and too trusting.) I also had access to some business records, and decided to steer clear.
> 
> Honestly, for the amount of hassle, energy, time and opportunity costs avoided, as well as potential health issues, $50-$60 is a bargain. Anyone considering a serious relationship of any kind, owes it to themselves to conduct due diligence.
> 
> Further on down the road, you want to exchange credit scores and financial records, along with legal constructs (i.e. when moving in together...) and medical (including psych) information as well.
> 
> While this may seem crass, and maybe a bit of an insult to the person you're considering a relationship with, it can keep you from getting involved and suckered in to poor prospects who are going to cause more trouble than they're worth.
> 
> We are a little bit past the point in civilization where we can see for ourselves a potential mate in total transparency within a tribe setting, and also past the point where we need to rely on hearsay, gossip, talk and other social vetting (and that's a good thing.)
> 
> There is also the bottom line: even if the person passes all these qualifications, there is still the sniff test. If you feel discomfort or emotional discord that cannot be worked out through talking to the partner in a couple conversations, early in the relationship, move on. You should not feel emotionally unhealthy or lacking in a relationship. You should feel just as healthy as you were prior to being in the relationship. If you feel your personal power slipping away into a void, that's a sign you should retreat and do some stonewalling of your own, for a good cause - your own peace and sanity.


After you earn the battle scars from divorce I think you deserve to be investigative and if someone thinks it is out of line then good for them cause they obviously didn't have to go through the hell that some of us did.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> Well, I hope my luck is changing. Last evening out of the blue I had a very attractive woman add me to her favorites on POF. Since I hadn't been really looking on POF because I hadn't had any success there, I was really surprised to see the email pop up.
> 
> Oh.My.Giddy.Cat! She is beautiful, intelligent, and well traveled as well as being an art teacher. We chatted all evening long and will be chatting again this evening. I am nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs!
> 
> I am more excited than I have been in ages. I don't want to get my hopes up, but dang, it just clicked during our chat. I hope it translates in person if we decide to meet.
> 
> Any advice on not farking it up? LOL


As AP advised, BE YOURSELF. There really is no point to doing otherwise, is there?  Meet up with her soon, dont drag out the chatting! I hope things go well for you. 

My luck has apparently changed, pretty much by accident. Last week I had a final conversation with the guy I had been seeing, and had to face that things were just not going to happen. So when a dating site ad popped up on my Facebook, I figured what the hell, I will take a quick look. I signed up just enough to do a search to see whether I should bother with it. This one guy's profile came up in my search, and was like, HEY I know him! Someone I havent seen in YEARS. So instead of messing with the site, I searched for him on Facebook and sent a friend request, which he immediately accepted. He sent me a message and we met up that same night. 

The chemistry is just amazing...FINALLY! When I first met up with him, we hugged hello, and almost couldnt let each other go! Same thing when we said goodnight, it was crazy. (no, there was no sex, not even close!) We met up the next two nights in a row. I dont know what's going on here, but this is the kind of thing I have been hoping to find with someone. Its funny because he is like one of our TAMer's, he has read the books...we discussed the 5 Love Languages.. and is looking for something long term and real.  I dont know, maybe we are rebounding, maybe this will be hot and short lived, but I really dont care, we are both enjoying the hell out of it so far, and something here feels right. We cant stop kissing when we are together, we have a hard time breaking hugs, we text all the time and have great conversations. 

I am not sure why we have such a strong connection for two people who barely knew each other several years ago, but something good is happening.


----------



## movealong

Just to be sure, the "don't fark it up" was a joke. I really don't know how to be anyone but myself. And besides, i like who I am. So if it doesn't work out I still get to be me and I still get to be a Dad. 

That is great 3x! The girl I am talking to and I were discussing the "butterflies" feeling, and what you are describing is what we talked about. It is such a great feeling when that chemistry rocks your body.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> After you earn the battle scars from divorce I think you deserve to be investigative and if someone thinks it is out of line then good for them cause they obviously didn't have to go through the hell that some of us did.


I don't think anyone needs any justification for looking out for themselves. You earn your money, you value your time, you are looking to find the best possible partner to live your life with and to let into your home and heart, the two places where you are most vulnerable in your life, and to have access to your physical being as well, often 24-7 and when sleeping. Of course you are going to investigate them. It doesn't matter if you went through h*ll or not, you owe it to yourself either way.

And if you have kids, you absolutely owe it to them, as well.


----------



## movealong

This is the part of my profile that got her to "favorite" me:



> Butterflies, that awesome feeling when someone looks at you, stares at you or complements you and you don't know what to do in that moment, except feel happy. It's that feeling you get when you see someone when you're not expecting it and suddenly your just lighter on your feet than you were before you saw them and you know you have to meet them or wonder if you don't what might have happened. Yes, that feeling.
> 
> Age is a number, old is a state of mind. The only thing that matters to me is that you are not still stuck in high school mentality or that you are not ready for the rocking chair.


I have added a thought for the week, too. Hokey, I know. LOL



> Thought for the week:
> You may not be able to go back and make a brand new start, but you can start now and make a brand new end.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Any advise for dating someone who may have really low self esteem? Here's the sich: Just met on POF, she messaged me, started talking and hit it off. On paper, this is a very good match. I found out over the weekend that she lives on my sister's street, literally a few houses down. I was there visiting my sister Friday night and as I was driving down the street I look over and saw people standing outside a nearby house. I did a double take because one of them looked very much like the girl I'd been talking to. I decided "nah, couldn't be", but texted her anyway about something unrelated, but mentioned I was at my sister's house in "xyz town". She goes, "xyz town, that's where I live too!, what street?" Yeah, sure enough, it's absolutely her. We had planned to meet for lunch this week, but I said screw it we're right here, why not meet tonight? We did and she came over and talked with me for a while and hung out with my family (my daughter was asleep so did not meet her or know anything about her). 

So as we're leaving there and I was walking her to her house, she's says "so are you sure you're OK with me? I mean, are you sure you're OK with my figure?" Look, this girl is by no means a big girl. I mean, a few pounds maybe but not what I would consider overweight at all. I mentioned nothing to her about her figure our mine or anyone elses. From what I could tell from the evening, it went well and it was pretty relaxed. So is she really insecure? or just a nervous reaction to how small of a world it is that we ended up on the same street that night? 

We've talked since and she didn't mention the comment, seemed like everything was normal. Again, maybe I shouldn't read too much into it, but if she is truly very insecure (and shouldn't be by the way), what should I watch out for?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> Any advise for dating someone who may have really low self esteem? Here's the sich: Just met on POF, she messaged me, started talking and hit it off. On paper, this is a very good match. I found out over the weekend that she lives on my sister's street, literally a few houses down. I was there visiting my sister Friday night and as I was driving down the street I look over and saw people standing outside a nearby house. I did a double take because one of them looked very much like the girl I'd been talking to. I decided "nah, couldn't be", but texted her anyway about something unrelated, but mentioned I was at my sister's house in "xyz town". She goes, "xyz town, that's where I live too!, what street?" Yeah, sure enough, it's absolutely her. We had planned to meet for lunch this week, but I said screw it we're right here, why not meet tonight? We did and she came over and talked with me for a while and hung out with my family (my daughter was asleep so did not meet her or know anything about her).
> 
> So as we're leaving there and I was walking her to her house, she's says "so are you sure you're OK with me? I mean, are you sure you're OK with my figure?" Look, this girl is by no means a big girl. I mean, a few pounds maybe but not what I would consider overweight at all. I mentioned nothing to her about her figure our mine or anyone elses. From what I could tell from the evening, it went well and it was pretty relaxed. So is she really insecure? or just a nervous reaction to how small of a world it is that we ended up on the same street that night?
> 
> We've talked since and she didn't mention the comment, seemed like everything was normal. Again, maybe I shouldn't read too much into it, but if she is truly very insecure (and shouldn't be by the way), what should I watch out for?


Its possible that someone else she met previously from online had an issue with her figure. I had that happen before, so she may be fine with how she is but trying to be cautious due to someone else being a douche.


----------



## bravenewworld

TheGoodGuy said:


> So as we're leaving there and I was walking her to her house, she's says *"so are you sure you're OK with me? I mean, are you sure you're OK with my figure?"* Look, this girl is by no means a big girl. I mean, a few pounds maybe but not what I would consider overweight at all. *I mentioned nothing to her about her figure* our mine or anyone elses. From what I could tell from the evening, it went well and it was pretty relaxed. So is she really insecure? or just a nervous reaction to how small of a world it is that we ended up on the same street that night?


Sounds like fishing for a compliment and/or flirting to me more than genuine insecurity. 

As a woman, the response I'd want? A long hungry look and something like "I'm more than ok with it, your figure is looking GOOD."


----------



## moxy

TheGoodGuy said:


> So as we're leaving there and I was walking her to her house, she's says "so are you sure you're OK with me? I mean, are you sure you're OK with my figure?" Look, this girl is by no means a big girl. I mean, a few pounds maybe but not what I would consider overweight at all. I mentioned nothing to her about her figure our mine or anyone elses. From what I could tell from the evening, it went well and it was pretty relaxed. So is she really insecure? or just a nervous reaction to how small of a world it is that we ended up on the same street that night?
> 
> Again, maybe I shouldn't read too much into it, but if she is truly very insecure (and shouldn't be by the way), what should I watch out for?


Maybe her ex gave her a lot of grief about not being his ideal? Maybe her friends or family give her a lot of grief for her appearance? Maybe she's met a lot of people on the site who have made feel bad about her body? Who knows why she is worried about it, but it's something that seems to bug her. If you like her and you like her body, then, when the mood is right, tell her that you find her attractive. She'll quit worrying about it if she knows you're into her. It's just another variation of the "you actually like me?" kinds of thoughts. Now, if she obsesses about it all the time, it might be problematic, but if she isn't asking you for validation constantly, then...don't worry about it. It's possible that she is just one of those people who feels appreciated when she is complimented and she just wanted to be sure that you were both on the same page or something.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> As AP advised, BE YOURSELF. There really is no point to doing otherwise, is there?  Meet up with her soon, dont drag out the chatting! I hope things go well for you.
> 
> My luck has apparently changed, pretty much by accident. Last week I had a final conversation with the guy I had been seeing, and had to face that things were just not going to happen. So when a dating site ad popped up on my Facebook, I figured what the hell, I will take a quick look. I signed up just enough to do a search to see whether I should bother with it. This one guy's profile came up in my search, and was like, HEY I know him! Someone I havent seen in YEARS. So instead of messing with the site, I searched for him on Facebook and sent a friend request, which he immediately accepted. He sent me a message and we met up that same night.
> 
> The chemistry is just amazing...FINALLY! When I first met up with him, we hugged hello, and almost couldnt let each other go! Same thing when we said goodnight, it was crazy. (no, there was no sex, not even close!) We met up the next two nights in a row. I dont know what's going on here, but this is the kind of thing I have been hoping to find with someone. Its funny because he is like one of our TAMer's, he has read the books...we discussed the 5 Love Languages.. and is looking for something long term and real.  I dont know, maybe we are rebounding, maybe this will be hot and short lived, but I really dont care, we are both enjoying the hell out of it so far, and something here feels right. We cant stop kissing when we are together, we have a hard time breaking hugs, we text all the time and have great conversations.
> 
> I am not sure why we have such a strong connection for two people who barely knew each other several years ago, but something good is happening.


That is so adorable


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Its possible that someone else she met previously from online had an issue with her figure. I had that happen before, so she may be fine with how she is but trying to be cautious due to someone else being a douche.


Agree
I actually was pretty hung up on my height. I am only 4'11. Once I met a guy who said I was too small, mind you, he was barely 5'8" but ever since that I had insecurities about my height.
However, I went on other dates with men taller than 6' and they never complained nor said anything about my height.


----------



## Arendt

3Xnocharm said:


> As AP advised, BE YOURSELF. There really is no point to doing otherwise, is there?  Meet up with her soon, dont drag out the chatting! I hope things go well for you.
> 
> My luck has apparently changed, pretty much by accident. Last week I had a final conversation with the guy I had been seeing, and had to face that things were just not going to happen. So when a dating site ad popped up on my Facebook, I figured what the hell, I will take a quick look. I signed up just enough to do a search to see whether I should bother with it. This one guy's profile came up in my search, and was like, HEY I know him! Someone I havent seen in YEARS. So instead of messing with the site, I searched for him on Facebook and sent a friend request, which he immediately accepted. He sent me a message and we met up that same night.
> 
> The chemistry is just amazing...FINALLY! When I first met up with him, we hugged hello, and almost couldnt let each other go! Same thing when we said goodnight, it was crazy. (no, there was no sex, not even close!) We met up the next two nights in a row. I dont know what's going on here, but this is the kind of thing I have been hoping to find with someone. Its funny because he is like one of our TAMer's, he has read the books...we discussed the 5 Love Languages.. and is looking for something long term and real.  I dont know, maybe we are rebounding, maybe this will be hot and short lived, but I really dont care, we are both enjoying the hell out of it so far, and something here feels right. We cant stop kissing when we are together, we have a hard time breaking hugs, we text all the time and have great conversations.
> 
> I am not sure why we have such a strong connection for two people who barely knew each other several years ago, but something good is happening.


Great story. Sounds like you are having a wonderful time with him. 

Oh and on the soul mates thing, NE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTULoJlD_V4


----------



## movealong

Dating websites need a "Darwin Button". If the message is too vulgar, stupid, or otherwise out of line, you click the Darwin Button within the message. If the sender gets 10 Darwin clicks, they are no longer allowed to send messages, only receive them.


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> Dating websites need a "Darwin Button". If the message is too vulgar, stupid, or otherwise out of line, you click the Darwin Button within the message. If the sender gets 10 Darwin clicks, they are no longer allowed to send messages, only receive them.


Brilliant! Copyright that idea and wait for your royalty check. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> Dating websites need a "Darwin Button". If the message is too vulgar, stupid, or otherwise out of line, you click the Darwin Button within the message. If the sender gets 10 Darwin clicks, they are no longer allowed to send messages, only receive them.


:rofl::rofl:

I've got one for you guys.

The other day I got a match on Tinder.

Intro lines:

The guy: "dtf?"

Me: "wtf"

Unmatched.


----------



## Ikaika

movealong said:


> Dating websites need a "Darwin Button". If the message is too vulgar, stupid, or otherwise out of line, you click the Darwin Button within the message. If the sender gets 10 Darwin clicks, they are no longer allowed to send messages, only receive them.



Makes me wonder if somehow these are but a few stray twigs off of the main primate branch, slighted in size of their pre frontal cortex. 

Oh, the executive function of thy brain, where ar' thou.


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> 3Xnocharm said:
> 
> 
> 
> As AP advised, BE YOURSELF. There really is no point to doing otherwise, is there?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Meet up with her soon, dont drag out the chatting! I hope things go well for you.
> 
> My luck has apparently changed, pretty much by accident. Last week I had a final conversation with the guy I had been seeing, and had to face that things were just not going to happen. So when a dating site ad popped up on my Facebook, I figured what the hell, I will take a quick look. I signed up just enough to do a search to see whether I should bother with it. This one guy's profile came up in my search, and was like, HEY I know him! Someone I havent seen in YEARS. So instead of messing with the site, I searched for him on Facebook and sent a friend request, which he immediately accepted. He sent me a message and we met up that same night.
> 
> The chemistry is just amazing...FINALLY! When I first met up with him, we hugged hello, and almost couldnt let each other go! Same thing when we said goodnight, it was crazy. (no, there was no sex, not even close!) We met up the next two nights in a row. I dont know what's going on here, but this is the kind of thing I have been hoping to find with someone. Its funny because he is like one of our TAMer's, he has read the books...we discussed the 5 Love Languages.. and is looking for something long term and real.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I dont know, maybe we are rebounding, maybe this will be hot and short lived, but I really dont care, we are both enjoying the hell out of it so far, and something here feels right. We cant stop kissing when we are together, we have a hard time breaking hugs, we text all the time and have great conversations.
> 
> I am not sure why we have such a strong connection for two people who barely knew each other several years ago, but something good is happening.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Great story. Sounds like you are having a wonderful time with him.
> 
> Oh and on the soul mates thing, NE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTULoJlD_V4
Click to expand...

Lol I love Louis ck and I haven't seen that one yet. To funny


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> movealong said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I hope my luck is changing. Last evening out of the blue I had a very attractive woman add me to her favorites on POF. Since I hadn't been really looking on POF because I hadn't had any success there, I was really surprised to see the email pop up.
> 
> Oh.My.Giddy.Cat! She is beautiful, intelligent, and well traveled as well as being an art teacher. We chatted all evening long and will be chatting again this evening. I am nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am more excited than I have been in ages. I don't want to get my hopes up, but dang, it just clicked during our chat. I hope it translates in person if we decide to meet.
> 
> Any advice on not farking it up? LOL
> 
> 
> 
> As AP advised, BE YOURSELF. There really is no point to doing otherwise, is there?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Meet up with her soon, dont drag out the chatting! I hope things go well for you.
> 
> My luck has apparently changed, pretty much by accident. Last week I had a final conversation with the guy I had been seeing, and had to face that things were just not going to happen. So when a dating site ad popped up on my Facebook, I figured what the hell, I will take a quick look. I signed up just enough to do a search to see whether I should bother with it. This one guy's profile came up in my search, and was like, HEY I know him! Someone I havent seen in YEARS. So instead of messing with the site, I searched for him on Facebook and sent a friend request, which he immediately accepted. He sent me a message and we met up that same night.
> 
> The chemistry is just amazing...FINALLY! When I first met up with him, we hugged hello, and almost couldnt let each other go! Same thing when we said goodnight, it was crazy. (no, there was no sex, not even close!) We met up the next two nights in a row. I dont know what's going on here, but this is the kind of thing I have been hoping to find with someone. Its funny because he is like one of our TAMer's, he has read the books...we discussed the 5 Love Languages.. and is looking for something long term and real.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I dont know, maybe we are rebounding, maybe this will be hot and short lived, but I really dont care, we are both enjoying the hell out of it so far, and something here feels right. We cant stop kissing when we are together, we have a hard time breaking hugs, we text all the time and have great conversations.
> 
> I am not sure why we have such a strong connection for two people who barely knew each other several years ago, but something good is happening.
Click to expand...

 to cool 3X!!! Love that so much! Wish you the best!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Just got some new to me furniture... Finally replaced my cheap ass coffee table and TV trays used as end tables with some real oak stuff. Loving it. Surprised how much finally getting rid of the last bit of "stuff I took when I moved out to divorce" can do to lift ones spirits. 

Haven't felt like making a place feel like home until now since I moved out.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> I've got one for you guys.
> 
> The other day I got a match on Tinder.
> 
> Intro lines:
> 
> The guy: "dtf?"
> 
> Me: "wtf"
> 
> Unmatched.


:rofl:


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Just got some new to me furniture... Finally replaced my cheap ass coffee table and TV trays used as end tables with some real oak stuff. Loving it. *Surprised how much finally getting rid of the last bit of "stuff I took when I moved out to divorce" can do to lift ones spirits.
> *
> *Haven't felt like making a place feel like home until now since I moved out. *


Congrats, vi! That's awesome.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

What does dtf mean?
I collect acronyms. Hopefully ones I never have to use...


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> What does dtf mean?
> 
> I collect acronyms. Hopefully ones I never have to use...



"Down to...Frolick?"

By "Frolick", I mean "fvck", but I heard someone use the euphemism today and couldn't resist.


----------



## firebelly1

Yeah - my teenage son had to explain what dtf meant the other day. We passed a prostitute wearing leggings that had that across the butt. Not making that up. 

What I think the dating sites need is video. Do they have that and I don't know? Once I see how someone talks and hear their voice I'm going to have a much better idea if there will be chemistry.


----------



## Ikaika

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah - my teenage son had to explain what dtf meant the other day. We passed a prostitute wearing leggings that had that across the butt. Not making that up.
> 
> What I think the dating sites need is video. Do they have that and I don't know? Once I see how someone talks and *hear their voice *I'm going to have a much better idea if there will be chemistry.



So I've did this last year in October and will again this year, record the telling of a spooky story. Last year I did an Edgar Allen Poe classic. I'm looking for something else this year. It is that time of year.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Do the ones that don't understand why completely single people don't like to date separated or in an unfinished divorce people yet? At any moment they can reconsider and run back to their wife/husband, that final tether has not fully been cut and they are still hanging on. OR maybe they are lying about the divorce period and you are the OM/OW but they lead you on with lies about divorce and their intentions just like what happened to NE.
> 
> What is the point anyway of getting mixed up with an involved person anyway? Their heart is not fully open for you to be in it. You will never be their only if they aren't ready for you. What maybe some day they will change? Doubt it :/.....



Yeah for sure. l was amazed at how many people l was meeting that hadn't even worked through their stuff and feelings yet let alone even been properly divorced .
They use to get me pretty angry about it all really bc maybe someone falls in love with them . Yet they'r e out there playing or trying to , way before time and could still swing any which way on the pour sods getting involved with them. 
Some of them seriously , were just not even anywhere near close to being good to go.


----------



## whitehawk

D and me went away for a few days down the coast. This was out first little holiday just the two of us since my sep and d .
Talk about exhausted. There was so much to see and it all involved heaps of walking through forests, along and up and down sand dunes , 2 mile long mountain steps all the way down to water falls . Going back up , oh jesus , think l better start running again.
Holidays here and l was worried we might not find a place to stay bc l can never be fkd booking anything, l just like winging it :rofl:.
But we scored big time , she was so stoked. We got a balcony 2nd floor , sea views , main street views , really nice inside . D was like the little women setting everything up and checking it all out , so cute .

Anyway , we had a great time . It was a little bit sad though if let myself think about it , that it is just us now.
D was really good , up the whole time but really , l almost felt like apologizing to her for our family not being together anymore. Which l have actually , quite a few times earlier on but l sure didn't wanna bring that up on our trip.
Another thing that hit home , l guess bc l know what it looks like now bc l'm one of them. But seeing mums with their kids , obviously just them , a few dads , the same . What can you do l suppose , life goes on doesn't it and you have to make sure it does for your kids..


----------



## whitehawk

But check this out.

T and me had to meet in town , early , the other day just to say goodbye before d and me left.
We didn't have long bc we couldn't get away earlier bc of the kids so we just met down the bottom of such and such car park bc it's got really nice views and it's not as busy.
But there's also a road that sweeps by going upto the top end of town.
You go slow on the part to get round the curve and who should go past , ex . And , she saw us , and she looked .
We were just sitting in T's car , mine was bedside it, ex wouldn't miss it. Just cuddled and talking, we really didn't have much time.
My d was at home and we were ready to leave and T's kids were texting her the whole time- how long will you be mum ra ra 

Ex knows T , she's never liked her . But eh , T is looking soooooo good , l thought well , there ya go ex , you can suck that up . But it did feel weird.
When l see ex in a few days time , she'll know.

Gonna feel really , really , weird .


----------



## movealong

Yahoo! has this movie playing for free. I've seen the trailer for it and looks interesting. One Chance


----------



## movealong

whitehawk said:


> Ex knows T , she's never liked her . But eh , T is looking soooooo good , l thought well , there ya go ex , you can suck that up . But it did feel weird.
> When l see ex in a few days time , she'll know.
> 
> Gonna feel really , really , weird .


Just smile, nod, and disregard any questions. Your dating life is none of her business.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> 
> I've got one for you guys.
> 
> The other day I got a match on Tinder.
> 
> Intro lines:
> 
> The guy: "dtf?"
> 
> Me: "wtf"
> 
> Unmatched.


I wonder of that ever works for them? :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Yeah for sure. l was amazed at how many people l was meeting that hadn't even worked through their stuff and feelings
> .


I was one of those people. Not surprise it bit me in the a$$ 

But love is a wonderful feeling, and we are all addicts!


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I wonder of that ever works for them? :rofl:


They wouldn't do it if it didn't, same with dic pics. Trust me there are women who go for it...all you have to do is lower your standards just a bit and target a couple notches down, making sure she is insecure helps too.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I was one of those people. Not surprise it bit me in the a$$
> 
> But love is a wonderful feeling, and we are all addicts!


Me too. I wasn't completely ready and I was messing around. Not to sure if you can ever be totally ready though, but the least you can do is finish your divorce.

Yes love is a wonderful thing


----------



## firebelly1

whitehawk said:


> Yeah for sure. l was amazed at how many people l was meeting that hadn't even worked through their stuff and feelings yet let alone even been properly divorced .
> They use to get me pretty angry about it all really bc maybe someone falls in love with them . Yet they'r e out there playing or trying to , way before time and could still swing any which way on the pour sods getting involved with them.
> Some of them seriously , were just not even anywhere near close to being good to go.


But how do you know when you've thoroughly worked through your stuff? Part of me thinks you actually have to date to work through it because you can't fix your bad tendencies in relationship unless you're in some semblance of one.


----------



## ne9907

Speaking of Love
Last night, I was feeling strange. I awoke from a dream and I was composing a love song!!

haha, of course, I cannot remember this song!
I must have been channeling Coleridge~


----------



## Another Planet

drerio said:


> So I've did this last year in October and will again this year, record the telling of a spooky story. Last year I did an Edgar Allen Poe classic. I'm looking for something else this year. It is that time of year.


:smthumbup:

Do Dracula's Guest! 
Always love the eerie sense I got from this short story. The realization of the power over you that someone can hold 

Dracula's Guest by Bram Stoker - Short Stories


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> But how do you know when you've thoroughly worked through your stuff? Part of me thinks you actually have to date to work through it because you can't fix your bad tendencies in relationship unless you're in some semblance of one.


ah excellent question!! When I left my ex husband I felt like the worse piece of **** in the world for leaving a wonderful and loving man for no apparent reason.

In May of this year, I learned about his deception. Not details, just a broad picture. But I felt redemption. I knew he was a horrible person, but I could not help loving him still.... ugh...

Not long ago, I learned the details.. After so much pain, I just do not care about his life or what he does. 
But oh here is the kicker.... Last night, it finally hit me. His actions hit me like a brick! So I feel that sex is dirty. I feel that any kind of companionship will be detrimental to my health.

Of course this isnt normal. 

You will know when you are ready.


----------



## Arendt

A friend and I just had a new edited book published. This morning, somebody tagged both of us on Facebook. He posted to his girlfriend saying, in effect, it was nice reading this book with you last night. 

The books in the series are accessible, but I would not call them date reading material. I mean, who gets on Match.com for example and says to a lady, let's get together and read a few chapters of a book and discuss it? Let's read about environmentalism and animal rights on our date night this week, wouldn't that be romantic?

Anyhow...my books are apparently written in the language of love now...and need a new blurb: read this book and you will get laid.


----------



## movealong

Update on my luck changing: She and I are going to meet Saturday morning for coffee at a local donut shop. She is an art teacher, a vegan, and she has got my full attention! :smthumbup:

If this was the Bay Area, I would have several spots to take her for a nice dinner, but this is NOT the Bay Area. Meeting at the donut shop sounds bad, but it is a place we both know and it is "safe".

I really don't want to get to up about this meeting, but I find I am more excited about meeting her than I anticipated. If the coffee date goes well, I have mapped out a plan to go to the local farmer's market for lunch. The market also has local artists and there is a park not too far away that would be good for a picnic.

Wish me luck.


----------



## Arendt

If she is vegan a donut place will have coffee at least. If you want to go out for dinner with her, be open to trying new things. Try it. Try to learn. That will make her happy.

She probably already knows places to go. But Asian and Indian places are easy for vegans to find food usually.

EDIT: I know a book you could read on your date! Apparently it is a sure thing.


----------



## movealong

Yea, as we were chatting I asked her if she was a morning person or a night owl. She is a morning person, hence the coffee date. I was a little off my game and should have done more research before we decided to meet, but, it is just coffee.

I need a link to that "love" book Arendt!


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> Yea, as we were chatting I asked her if she was a morning person or a night owl. She is a morning person, hence the coffee date. I was a little off my game and should have done more research before we decided to meet, but, it is just coffee.
> 
> I need a link to that "love" book Arendt!


Before mapping out a dinner date, meet with her and see what she likes. She might have suggestions and want to show you a few places and things. Nevertheless, if you do do some research, she will like that. 

I always appreciate other people taking the time...I went to an old friend's place over the weekend with Guatemalan. they are not vegetarian or vegan. But they made us vegan pizza. That was a very nice gesture. 

With Guatemalan, she was not vegetarian when I met her, but she has since become one. She's not vegan, but I like that she was open to learning, on her own, about the issues, was open to eating what I made or going to the places I suggested. Now she wants to educate her daughter about the issues.

All that is to say, she will appreciate you showing genuine interest in the vegan thing. And don't think of it like a diet. It is a way of life. It's like being Jewish or something. She probably eats far more diverse food than you do, so also keep in mind that it is not a deprivation diet: it is not missing something.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I was one of those people. Not surprise it bit me in the a$$
> 
> But love is a wonderful feeling, and we are all addicts!


Speak for yourself!
I'm highly suspicious of love.
Last time it snuck up and bit me. 
I fell for my friend after a year of being just friends, and then he had a brain hemorrhage. Let me tell you, the physical pain I felt in my chest was real. 
I recently learned there is a term for it...
Frequently Asked Questions about Broken Heart Syndrome

I would do almost anything to avoid even the risk of feeling that kind of pain again. It's memorable, but in a very negative way.
So I tend to drag my feet on love. I wait for it, I definitely don't pursue it. 

Of course, living without human connection is also very bad for you. But the discerning can tell human connection + affection = real and human connection + bells & whistles + delusions + desire = fake.

I'd rather have broken heart again under conditions of real love, vs. disappointment/stress from some a**hole though. It's definitely different, hurts a lot more. 

Getting over a jerk is easy, while it involves stress, it's more of a nuisance to your emotional state. You know it's a game of wits, mind over matter, between what you perceived and what is reality, where you just need to get up to date and realigned with reality.

Broken heart syndrome is just that. It's loss of someone you love. Not loss of an illusion/delusion that's labeled as love. 

The feeling though is inevitable in life. I can count three times I've experienced it. Only once with a lover. One was a friend who was more of a family member, and the other was for a child. When you feel like that, you know you lost something good.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> You will know when you are ready.


Well...this last one was my second divorce. Obviously I thought I knew what I was doing when I got married the second time. I didn't. That's what's unnerving to me - what don't I know about myself that I really should before I get into another relationship?


----------



## angstire

Hi all, I'm going to pop up my biking, music head to post this since I know it's the rallying cry of dating TAMmers, fvck yes or fvck no. http://markmanson.net/****-yes Change the **** to what rhymes with duck in the URL.

Good luck to all!


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Speak for yourself!
> I'm highly suspicious of love.
> Last time it snuck up and bit me.
> I fell for my friend after a year of being just friends, and then he had a brain hemorrhage. Let me tell you, the physical pain I felt in my chest was real.
> I recently learned there is a term for it...
> Frequently Asked Questions about Broken Heart Syndrome
> 
> I would do almost anything to avoid even the risk of feeling that kind of pain again. It's memorable, but in a very negative way.
> So I tend to drag my feet on love. I wait for it, I definitely don't pursue it.
> 
> Of course, living without human connection is also very bad for you. But the discerning can tell human connection + affection = real and human connection + bells & whistles + delusions + desire = fake.
> 
> I'd rather have broken heart again under conditions of real love, vs. disappointment/stress from some a**hole though. It's definitely different, hurts a lot more.
> 
> Getting over a jerk is easy, while it involves stress, it's more of a nuisance to your emotional state. You know it's a game of wits, mind over matter, between what you perceived and what is reality, where you just need to get up to date and realigned with reality.
> 
> Broken heart syndrome is just that. It's loss of someone you love. Not loss of an illusion/delusion that's labeled as love.
> 
> The feeling though is inevitable in life. I can count three times I've experienced it. Only once with a lover. One was a friend who was more of a family member, and the other was for a child. When you feel like that, you know you lost something good.


I feel your pain, I have not experience it. I feel that as humans, we are wired to feel, give, and receive love. Whether it is passionate love, platonic love, or any type of love. We strive to feel love.
We as humans are also capable of awful things. I prefer to view love as the possibility of redemption. I am actually glad that I am not yet jaded as I thought I was.
I perceive love, I give love, I project love. There are many variations of love. 
Today, I feel so much love was wasted in my life, I feel sad, and yet I am hopeful. I feel as if I have such an intense glowing light inside me.

And nope, i have not met anyone else... even for me, that would be too quick 



firebelly1 said:


> Well...this last one was my second divorce. Obviously I thought I knew what I was doing when I got married the second time. I didn't. That's what's unnerving to me - what don't I know about myself that I really should before I get into another relationship?


That you are afraid to be alone? I am.


----------



## Arendt

firebelly1 said:


> Well...this last one was my second divorce. Obviously I thought I knew what I was doing when I got married the second time. I didn't. That's what's unnerving to me - what don't I know about myself that I really should before I get into another relationship?


that prospect is unnerving. For me, I do think I know what in me helped get a cycle going that ultimately destroyed my 14 year old relationship. I took action and frankly, I'm a different guy than I was 2-3 years ago.

However, the specter of divorce is haunting. I'm back in therapy.

Or I could take CK Louis's view of marriage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92kDUiN1zLQ


----------



## firebelly1

Love me some Louis C.K. 

I'm not necessarily afraid of being alone NE. The demon I fight is more like I see it as a judgement on my value as a human being. Being alone is proof that I am fatally flawed / unlovable.

Recently I watched a youtube video that I thought might have some merit. The lecturer was addressing women in a "how to find love" conference. She said one of the biggest reasons we pick the wrong guys is that we have this belief from childhood that we are unworthy of real love. Not a new concept. But as she explained it, you pick up on messages about your place in the world from the time you were in the womb. It hit me that if I was picking up on those messages in the womb the message that I was getting was that I was unwanted. I was an oops baby to two teenage parents and my dad, in particular, felt resentful that his future had been ruined by my mother's pregnancy. 

Do I seek out my dad? Um...not sure there is really a causal relationship, but that is how I've ended up feeling in every relationship I've had. Unwanted. So, it would be cool if I could heal that and it would fix my pattern.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Love me some Louis C.K.
> 
> I'm not necessarily afraid of being alone NE. The demon I fight is more like I see it as a judgement on my value as a human being. Being alone is proof that I am fatally flawed / unlovable.
> 
> Recently I watched a youtube video that I thought might have some merit. The lecturer was addressing women in a "how to find love" conference. She said one of the biggest reasons we pick the wrong guys is that we have this belief from childhood that we are unworthy of real love. Not a new concept. But as she explained it, you pick up on messages about your place in the world from the time you were in the womb. It hit me that if I was picking up on those messages in the womb the message was that I was getting was that I was unwanted. I was an oops baby to two teenage parents and my dad, in particular, felt resentful that his future had been ruined by my mother's pregnancy.
> 
> Do I seek out my dad? Um...not sure there is really a causal relationship, but that is how I've ended up feeling in every relationship I've had. Unwanted. So, it would be cool if I could heal that and it would fix my pattern.


I would like to say that I HAD the same problem of feeling unloved by my parents, thing is I still HAVE that problem. 
I too felt unworthy of love.
Not so much anymore, as the experience with ex husband. Every time I think about him, I get sad becasue I basically wasted 15 years of my life with him. I am not kidding here. 
It all goes back to him and to my childhood. 
To the feelings of being unworthy of love. It is not true. 
Are you going to therapy? I like mine, she seldom has innovative ideas but just knowing she is listening to me helps greatly.
She (therapist) was just as shocked to learn that Blue was married haha. She even said "I am your therapist! I should have known!!"

It was comical.
I used to get down on my luck becasue I am striving so hard to become a better me. I want to be more enlightened about my core. I see people who are clueless about who they are, I see drama queens, a$$hats who have the love of their lives by them. So naturally, I felt jealous. However, that is not longer the case. I need to focus on myself and forget about the world.
Do the same Firebelly. Fall in love with yourself. Do research on how to do that. It is not all about physical beauty 

I can say without ego that I am better looking that Blue's wife. I am better looking than many women out there. But when it comes to love, it is all about perspective. Self love is important....

Ugh, I am rambling. I hope I helped!!!


----------



## firebelly1

Yep - loving myself is key. I've been working on that for a long time. Sometimes I think I will know I'm ready to date again when I can say unequivocally that I love and have compassion for myself and practice it. But mostly I say "when I have lost 20 lbs." Hrmph


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Love me some Louis C.K.
> 
> I'm not necessarily afraid of being alone NE. The demon I fight is more like I see it as a judgement on my value as a human being. Being alone is proof that I am fatally flawed / unlovable.


Can you try to turn that around? Anyone can find a relationship, if you lower your standards enough and be willing to take enough crap... think of being alone as a CHOICE. Because you love yourself NOT to put up with crap.

As I've said before, better to be alone and happy, loving myself, than be in a sh!tty relationship. 

Being in a sh!tty relationship doesn't confirm that you're loveable, it just confirms that you're willing to take less than you're worth.



firebelly1 said:


> Recently I watched a youtube video that I thought might have some merit. The lecturer was addressing women in a "how to find love" conference. She said one of the biggest reasons we pick the wrong guys is that we have this belief from childhood that we are unworthy of real love. Not a new concept. But as she explained it, you pick up on messages about your place in the world from the time you were in the womb. It hit me that if I was picking up on those messages in the womb the message that I was getting was that I was unwanted. I was an oops baby to two teenage parents and my dad, in particular, felt resentful that his future had been ruined by my mother's pregnancy.


I can see this as holding water, when looking back on my own childhood. We get little messages all the time, whether our parents know they're putting them out or not.

I was discussing my relationships with my mother and my father with a friend a few months ago, and she said something that struck me. She said, "Your mother treated you poorly because she was jealous of you. You were daddy's little girl, and she saw that as you taking his love away from her." At first, I thought that was a little crazy, but the more I thought about it... her resentment of me was ever-present as I was growing up, and still continues to this day, though I'm better at dealing with it now.



firebelly1 said:


> Do I seek out my dad? Um...not sure there is really a causal relationship, but that is how I've ended up feeling in every relationship I've had. Unwanted. So, it would be cool if I could heal that and it would fix my pattern.


I definitely sought out my mother... I married a man who was just like my mother, in a subconscious attempt to heal my emotional wounds/rift with her.

I hope, now that I'm conscious/aware of it (both the dysfunction of my relationship with her, and the fact that I tried to replicate it), that I won't do it again. But I think that it takes vigilance.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> Do I seek out my dad? Um...not sure there is really a causal relationship, but that is how I've ended up feeling in every relationship I've had. Unwanted. So, it would be cool if I could heal that and it would fix my pattern.


Family of Origin drives so many of our decisions. Even when you think you have it figured out, it can still bite you in the butt. Look at your two failed marriages. What did those men have in common? What appealed to you? Therein lies the answer on how to break the cycle. What attracted you could be very healthy, but accompanied by a dark undercurrent. I am an example of that. I am attracted to very calm, non-reactive men. My father had a trigger temper and was abusive. I thought I had broken the cycle. What I did was fail to see that *often* these non-reactive (or low reactive) men are also conflict avoidant and passive aggressive, which can be very harmful to a relationship. So, dig a little bit deeper.



ne9907 said:


> It was comical.
> I used to get down on my luck becasue I am striving so hard to become a better me. I want to be more enlightened about my core. I see people who are clueless about who they are, I see drama queens, a$$hats who have the love of their lives by them. So naturally, I felt jealous. However, that is not longer the case. I need to focus on myself and forget about the world.
> Do the same Firebelly. Fall in love with yourself. Do research on how to do that. It is not all about physical beauty
> 
> I can say without ego that I am better looking that Blue's wife. I am better looking than many women out there. But when it comes to love, it is all about perspective. Self love is important....
> 
> Ugh, I am rambling. I hope I helped!!!


 Ok, Ne, just a gut check here. Maybe you are trying too hard to fall in love with yourself; focusing too much on YOU. Sometimes, the best way for us to move forward is to put the emphasis on things other than ourselves.

Oh, and physical beauty has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> I definitely sought out my mother... I married a man who was just like my mother, in a subconscious attempt to heal my emotional wounds/rift with her.


Interesting. Don't people usually seek out in the opposite way? Women seek men like their fathers, men seek women like their mothers? Hmmm.

In some ways, I have sought out women unlike my mother. They are always fit (my mother is definitely not; she is and has always been out of shape). They are not at all emotional wrecks (my mother was an emotional rollercoaster). The women I am attracted to do not want to be stay at home mothers, are feminists usually...I could go on. 

Hmmmm....maybe I am seeking women more like my father than my mother. But then he was unavailable, like most men, emotionally. A stoic and disciplinarian. I wouldn't want a woman like that either...


----------



## firebelly1

Arendt said:


> Interesting. Don't people usually seek out in the opposite way? Women seek men like their fathers, men seek women like their mothers? Hmmm.
> 
> In some ways, I have sought out women unlike my mother. They are always fit (my mother is definitely not; she is and has always been out of shape). They are not at all emotional wrecks (my mother was an emotional rollercoaster). The women I am attracted to do not want to be stay at home mothers, are feminists usually...I could go on.
> 
> Hmmmm....maybe I am seeking women more like my father than my mother. But then he was unavailable, like most men, emotionally. A stoic and disciplinarian. I wouldn't want a woman like that either...


Sounds like you are consciously avoiding the patterns of your parents while some of us (me) have been unconsciously choosing the patterns of our parents. Both my husbands were addicts. My mom is an addict. Both my husbands were emotionally unavailable. My dad was emotionally unavailable. So, now I know what to look for and avoid consciously. But as was said above, what if I choose someone who I think is the opposite of these things but really has some unfamiliar manifestation of the same pattern?!!!! Argh!


----------



## Arendt

firebelly1 said:


> Sounds like you are consciously avoiding the patterns of your parents while some of us (me) have been unconsciously choosing the patterns of our parents. Both my husbands were addicts. My mom is an addict. Both my husbands were emotionally unavailable. My dad was emotionally unavailable. So, now I know what to look for and avoid consciously. But as was said above, what if I choose someone who I think is the opposite of these things but really has some unfamiliar manifestation of the same pattern?!!!! Argh!


Yeah, for me, it has been partly conscious. I have thought, "I do not want a woman like my mother": clingy, needy, dependent, gossipy, etc. She is a loyal and caring person to me, but I would not want a woman that would be like her in most ways. Not at all. I've known that for a very, very long time. I avoid women like her like the plague. My brother, on the other hand, has been married three times, and every time, the women are like our mother in almost every way. Gross.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Conversely, when you have good family environment or other point of reference of being treated well, you want to find someone who treats you as well as you're used to being treated. That's much easier than avoidance. Because with avoidance, you may be avoiding one particular thing that's obvious, but falling into a trap/going down a dead end that you just don't see. (But which feels vaguely familiar and so is easy to not notice...) With goal-seeking you have a baseline established and any negative deviation from it is quickly discarded/avoided. 

The thing that trips people up with this is that they see "no action" as a negative, they are not getting near their goal, so they think they must be doing something wrong or not doing the right thing to reach their goal. 

People are not comfortable with not having immediate results, they are anxious to 'get it right' and so take more risks than they should. Or think a path of action is okay so long as it doesn't trigger any known negative. 

'Boring' life (i.e.) stress-free, and no results is a perfectly good outcome. It's just that after a nasty breakup, people want to be validated, to have their good qualities affirmed in a relationship in a social setting, to be part of the 'group' again of couples. When our society stops judging people by whether they are coupled or not, basing self-worth on the acceptance or rejection of another equal human being, the anxiety will diminish, and people will be able to make better choices.

Another thing is that people do like the anxiety, in a new relationship or one that's iffy, there is a certain amount of anxiety and stress, which feeds sexual response/conquest, etc. So people who are addicted to stress hormones (whether knowingly or not) can be 'rewarded' neurologically for being in a slightly less than ideal relationship, which triggers the stress they got addicted to as a kid in a challenging family environment. This can occur whether you are aware of it or not (and usually not.) Your brain will trick itself and the body in which it resides, even putting it at risk, in order to get its fix.

Sometimes this is interpreted as not being a 'f*ck yes' and that is a very sad thing.
Because you may overlook someone who is highly compatible both in and out of bed, because you're not getting your stress/anxiety fix.


----------



## BaxJanson

I've got no interest in finding either my father or mother (although I do try to emulate my father's best qualities - and he's got them in spades). What I want now is a person like ME. Perhaps not in interests, or temperament; but in intensity, depth, and openness.

Yeah, I'm gonna be single for a loooong time.

And my X just dropped by with the kids to have lunch, and invited me over to her place for dinner next month, once she gets moved in. Not interested. I actually dreamed about her last night - she gave me a big old hug, and said "I'm sorry our relationship ended like this" I said, "like what?", and she replied "With you choosing to give up on me and the kids." I snapped awake, and thought "Holy hell, that's is exactly the kind of thing she would say."


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## EnjoliWoman

I grew up with two parents who are still together and wanted me very much, since I was adopted pretty much at birth. I wonder if I sensed I wasn't wanted before that? Apparently her parents wanted to adopt me but she wanted younger parents for me so I'd have a "normal" childhood and family.

Perhaps that did shape who I married. I tend to doubt it only because they always were honest and told me just how much they wanted me from the time I was old enough to ask where babies came from. 

Instead I think I was just very sheltered by them. They do seem to have a tendency to over-protect. I thought I met someone who met a rough checklist: had a degree and was in college to become a professional, spoke kindly of his mother, liked animals and tipped well/was nice to waitstaff at restaurants.

Instead I rushed into the marriage - I was at an awkward point in life which unsettled someone as sheltered as myself. My job didn't pay much, I was considering military, my roommate was likely going to be engaged to marry her boyfriend (she did, actually!)... he seemed like the answer. Had I given it time I would have seen: he would drop out of college and have a difficult time having a job unless he worked for himself because he didn't play well with others, he punched a wall in his mother's house and disregarded her opinions even tho he visited often, he liked dogs that were easy to train but wasn't willing to put any effort into it - and shot our border collie for digging and chewing (normal dog stuff), and lastly he does still tip well and treat waitstaff nicely but more to prevent someone from spitting in his food. 

So none of the things I'd read in Cosmo  I was to look for really panned out.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Interesting. Don't people usually seek out in the opposite way? Women seek men like their fathers, men seek women like their mothers? Hmmm.
> 
> In some ways, I have sought out women unlike my mother. They are always fit (my mother is definitely not; she is and has always been out of shape). They are not at all emotional wrecks (my mother was an emotional rollercoaster). The women I am attracted to do not want to be stay at home mothers, are feminists usually...I could go on.
> 
> Hmmmm....maybe I am seeking women more like my father than my mother. But then he was unavailable, like most men, emotionally. A stoic and disciplinarian. I wouldn't want a woman like that either...


Some of the books I've read indicate that (some) people choose partners similar to the parent with which they have a worse relationship, that they subconsciously want to fix, regardless of gender. I have an awful relationship with my mother; I have a good relationship with my father. (I would have an even better relationship with my father, if it weren't for her efforts to undermine it.) So I chose a partner like my mother. I would much rather choose a partner more like my father, believe me.


----------



## Fenix

Arendt said:


> Interesting. Don't people usually seek out in the opposite way? Women seek men like their fathers, men seek women like their mothers? Hmmm.
> 
> In some ways, I have sought out women unlike my mother. They are always fit (my mother is definitely not; she is and has always been out of shape). They are not at all emotional wrecks (my mother was an emotional rollercoaster). The women I am attracted to do not want to be stay at home mothers, are feminists usually...I could go on.
> 
> Hmmmm....maybe I am seeking women more like my father than my mother. But then he was unavailable, like most men, emotionally. A stoic and disciplinarian. I wouldn't want a woman like that either...


People often seek out the dominant one in their family. I knew that, which is why I guarded against it. Unfortunately, I ended up with my mother...passive agressive and a coward. My X married someone similar to his father (whom I really liked!)


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> People often seek out the dominant one in their family. I knew that, which is why I guarded against it. Unfortunately, I ended up with my mother...passive agressive and a coward. My X married someone similar to his father (whom I really liked!)


Makes sense, my mom is totally the dominant one in my family. But she's also passive-aggressive and manipulative when she doesn't think she'll get her way outright.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I definitely sought out my mother... I married a man who was just like my mother, in a subconscious attempt to heal my emotional wounds/rift with her.
> 
> I hope, now that I'm conscious/aware of it (both the dysfunction of my relationship with her, and the fact that I tried to replicate it), that I won't do it again. But I think that it takes vigilance.


Very interesting. I wanted someone as opposite as from my father, as he was detached, showed no emotion, and was always gone.
So I married a fun and loving man who turned out to be not what he portrayed to the real world. Now, when I began looking for a another man I went the exact opposite. We all know how that turned out (blue). Next time, I should be careful and go for the golden mean.



Fenix said:


> Ok, Ne, just a gut check here. Maybe you are trying too hard to fall in love with yourself; focusing too much on YOU. Sometimes, the best way for us to move forward is to put the emphasis on things other than ourselves.
> 
> Oh, and physical beauty has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.


Extremely interesting. This will have me thinking for a long time. Ever since my divorce and before that, people have been advicing me to love myself because if I dont love myself how do expect someone else to love me?
I have been working extremely hard on loving myself and accepting all my flaws and wonders equally.
I never thought that perhaps I am putting too much emphasis on me because truly I have not accepted myself as I am.

I know physical beuty has nothing with workings of love


----------



## firebelly1

EnjoliWoman said:


> I grew up with two parents who are still together and wanted me very much, since I was adopted pretty much at birth. I wonder if I sensed I wasn't wanted before that? Apparently her parents wanted to adopt me but she wanted younger parents for me so I'd have a "normal" childhood and family.
> 
> Perhaps that did shape who I married. I tend to doubt it only because they always were honest and told me just how much they wanted me from the time I was old enough to ask where babies came from.


Your adopted parents wanted you but your birth mother gave you up. A lot of adopted kids are left feeling unwanted because of their birth parents.


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## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Or I could take CK Louis's view of marriage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92kDUiN1zLQ


:lol::rofl::lol::rofl::lol::rofl:
OMGIFL roflololol


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Both of my parents abandoned me, in different ways. Plus neglect before that. However, I know I am worth because there were plenty of people who looked out for me who didn't have to. They did it because they adored me. 

My ex's were just jerks. They treated me well until they thought I was past the point of no return and then tried to bully me saying I would be used goods, single mother, etc. I don't have the time or energy to invest in that. Ex's lasted less than a year after marriage, partnership ended after 5 years but I think he only lasted that long because I wasn't married or past the point where he thought I was firmly invested. He only showed his true colors after I had baby #2 and left my job to stay home with my kids. I left anyhow. Not sure what they expect, being men I suppose they have no idea that women who are mothers or temporarily unemployed are still fully capable of looking out for themselves, and their kids, with or without their help. Duh.


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## Arendt

I am at Guatemalan's house right now, while she is at class. I am picking her up in an hour and a half or so to go see a film (There is a huge film festival here and I have free VIP passes...I won a $5000 package). Anyhow...

I saw her ex on Sunday when I dropped her off. She told me when I took her to class that he came to her work today to talk with her, but she told him to send an email (it was not an amicable divorce and is was a year ago...), and he tried to cancel watching her boy this weekend for no reason. It is clearly about me. He was very uncomfortable seeing me...she said he never smiles like that around her. They don't talk, he just drops the kid off. He kept looking at me. He was a good looking guy, not in bad shape but not toned up from lifting like me. No tattoos or anything (I'm aware of how tattoos can intimidate people...I'm nearly sleeved on one arm)...ughh...I comparing in my head, sizing him up like I would an enemy or a threat.

Anyway...I am expecting him to create some kind of drama. I am never really around her kid. I have met him once, and seen him a couple times but always for really short times. Their issues are not amicable (he hit her and cheated on her, then didn't want a divorce). My situation is so much easier: a relatively amicable but very clean break. (Guatemalan is reading a book I just published in which my ex has a chapter though...so she will size up my ex intellectually and will likely feel a little intimidated at the exes intellectual prowess). I guess I should simply not worry about it. Not let it dwell in my head...but she just told me this stuff like an hour ago so it is fresh in my mind...distracting me from my dissertation work while I wait.

I'd prefer not to think about this. We've been dating for two months. Have a really nice night planned at the film festival. I made her a really great meal: a lentil loaf. It won't affect my interactions with her later, but it is distracting me from my work now.


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## movealong

Arendt said:


> I am at Guatemalan's house right now, while she is at class. I am picking her up in an hour and a half or so to go see a film (There is a huge film festival here and I have free VIP passes...I won a $5000 package). Anyhow...
> 
> I saw her ex on Sunday when I dropped her off. She told me when I took her to class that he came to her work today to talk with her, but she told him to send an email (it was not an amicable divorce and is was a year ago...), and he tried to cancel watching her boy this weekend for no reason. It is clearly about me. He was very uncomfortable seeing me...she said he never smiles like that around her. They don't talk, he just drops the kid off. He kept looking at me. He was a good looking guy, not in bad shape but not toned up from lifting like me. No tattoos or anything (I'm aware of how tattoos can intimidate people...I'm nearly sleeved on one arm)..._*ughh...I comparing in my head, sizing him up like I would an enemy or a threat.*_
> 
> Anyway...I am expecting him to create some kind of drama. I am never really around her kid. I have met him once, and seen him a couple times but always for really short times. Their issues are not amicable (he hit her and cheated on her, then didn't want a divorce). My situation is so much easier: a relatively amicable but very clean break. (Guatemalan is reading a book I just published in which my ex has a chapter though...*so she will size up my ex intellectually and will likely feel a little intimidated at the exes intellectual prowess*). I guess I should simply not worry about it. Not let it dwell in my head...but she just told me this stuff like an hour ago so it is fresh in my mind...distracting me from my dissertation work while I wait.
> 
> I'd prefer not to think about this. We've been dating for two months. Have a really nice night planned at the film festival. I made her a really great meal: a lentil loaf. It won't affect my interactions with her later, but it is distracting me from my work now.


Sizing him up is a normal gut reaction, and it shows that you are mentally (consiously and subconsciously) preparing for battle if it comes to that. I saw it hundreds of times with Marines and Sailors. It includes a chemical reaction that triggers the fight/flight response. Your fight response seems to be foremost. It means you are preparing to at minimum hold your ground and if necessary run off the "competition".

as for her being intimidated, perhaps there is a way you can lessen that feeling for her? Maybe mention that education is only one part of intelligence, that common sense and the ability to maintain a relationship takes intelligence, too.


----------



## bravenewworld

Weird and disappointing update regarding Aviator - he told me he no longer wishes to see me because I need too much of his time. Which is an odd thing to say considering he has texted or called me every day this month and our dates have fairly often revolved around my schedule because I work a full and part time job. 

Up until a few days ago it was "when can I see you next" 24/7 but when I drew a boundary (call me if you are going to break plans, and don't wait until the last possible second) he suddenly went very cold. He was polite but his tone was icy and "eff you" ish.

It just seems weird - he became so angry in a distant/cold way after I told him canceling last minute (via TEXT) and leaving me hanging was not cool. It was like I could not communicate with him at all in a reasonable manner to resolve the conflict. He tried to tell me we weren't on the same page and "I broke up with him" which left me bewildered as we were NEVER exclusive. He also said "work comes first and I made a decision and I stand by it." It was like he couldn't understand I didn't care he was tired from working late - I cared how he handled it. Call me and cancel in the MORNING, not 5pm on a Friday so you tank my night!!! 

He might have been ten years younger, but his ego is ten times larger than mine. Felt like there were also control issues going on and I am just not into that. 

He was very tricky though! Up until three days or so ago I would have described him as extremely kind, thoughtful, and warm. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome. 

Bottom line: I deserve to be treated with respect in regards to my time. And I also deserve someone who can realize dating leads to conflicting views. It's ok to get upset, talk, and work it out. It's not rocket science.

Total emotional sun burn - because I really liked him! This dating stuff is frickin tough sometimes!


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> But how do you know when you've thoroughly worked through your stuff? Part of me thinks you actually have to date to work through it because you can't fix your bad tendencies in relationship unless you're in some semblance of one.


Well ,for me , l feel l know and nothing is worrying me with T yet , or with anyone else l dated. Except for way earlier on , at that point l knew l wasn't ready to be with someone else.
Perosnally l needed to come to come to terms with what happened to my marriage and all the why's and junk and stuff , mine and hers. l needed to figure it all out ,figure out where l was at and l needed to feel that l was basically on the mend .l needed to feel the case was closed so to speak , understood , excepted .
l felt to l needed to want to get back out into life , earlier l didn't want that see.

So for me , that's how l knew when l was ready . l'm not 100% but my head is screwed on again :rofl: , and l feel rested with it all and basically at peace again.

ps , mind you , that is just how l feel lately but eh ,that's no guarantee of anything and that part still scares the crap out of me. 
Trust will always be a very big issue for me now . lt was number one before , but now it's triple that so . And that part of things is something that will take 2 for me .


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> ah excellent question!! When I left my ex husband I felt like the worse piece of **** in the world for leaving a wonderful and loving man for no apparent reason.
> 
> In May of this year, I learned about his deception. Not details, just a broad picture. But I felt redemption. I knew he was a horrible person, but I could not help loving him still.... ugh...
> 
> Not long ago, I learned the details.. After so much pain, I just do not care about his life or what he does.
> But oh here is the kicker.... Last night, it finally hit me. His actions hit me like a brick! So I feel that sex is dirty. I feel that any kind of companionship will be detrimental to my health.
> 
> Of course this isnt normal.
> 
> You will know when you are ready.



Yep , see this is allllllll the sorta stuff we have to sort out . lt takes time , at least a year or two.
There are so many realizations that take at least that long to come .
What l found was so many women out there , and probably men to for the girls , literally self sabotaging ,treating you like their ex , carrying over resentments into something new . But new is new and old is past and we have to have the two lives and our mistakes properly separated and in their place or we're just gonna wreck the new.

Seen it in so many of them and l knew l'd be doing it too don't worry , if l didn't get my [email protected] together first .


----------



## whitehawk

l must admit , l never really get the parent thing.
l've always known the parts of mum l would love in someone and def' the parts l didn't want . Same with dad in regards to the type of man l wanted to be.

My ex was the exact opposite to my mums bad side and she was a great mix of her good side . Most of the other girls l've ever known have all had those similar mixes . lt's more just a type of personality in a girl that l love thugh , nothing to do with mum really. Although in those ways , she was a very good example .


----------



## Fenix

bravenewworld said:


> Weird and disappointing update regarding Aviator - he told me he no longer wishes to see me because I need too much of his time. Which is an odd thing to say considering he has texted or called me every day this month and our dates have fairly often revolved around my schedule because I work a full and part time job.
> 
> Up until a few days ago it was "when can I see you next" 24/7 but when I drew a boundary (call me if you are going to break plans, and don't wait until the last possible second) he suddenly went very cold. He was polite but his tone was icy and "eff you" ish.
> 
> It just seems weird - he became so angry in a distant/cold way after I told him canceling last minute (via TEXT) and leaving me hanging was not cool. It was like I could not communicate with him at all in a reasonable manner to resolve the conflict. He tried to tell me we weren't on the same page and "I broke up with him" which left me bewildered as we were NEVER exclusive. He also said "work comes first and I made a decision and I stand by it." It was like he couldn't understand I didn't care he was tired from working late - I cared how he handled it. Call me and cancel in the MORNING, not 5pm on a Friday so you tank my night!!!
> 
> He might have been ten years younger, but his ego is ten times larger than mine. Felt like there were also control issues going on and I am just not into that.
> 
> He was very tricky though! Up until three days or so ago I would have described him as extremely kind, thoughtful, and warm. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome.
> 
> Bottom line: I deserve to be treated with respect in regards to my time. And I also deserve someone who can realize dating leads to conflicting views. It's ok to get upset, talk, and work it out. It's not rocket science.
> 
> Total emotional sun burn - because I really liked him! This dating stuff is frickin tough sometimes!


Ah, bnw, I am sorry. I must say though that you are fortunate to have discovered this now. Control issues, petulant, poor communicator, conflict issues, selfish. 



whitehawk said:


> Yep , see this is allllllll the sorta stuff we have to sort out . lt takes time , at least a year or two.
> There are so many realizations that take at least that long to come .
> What l found was so many women out there , and probably men to for the girls , literally self sabotaging ,treating you like their ex , carrying over resentments into something new . But new is new and old is past and we have to have the two lives and our mistakes properly separated and in their place or we're just gonna wreck the new.
> 
> Seen it in so many of them and l knew l'd be doing it too don't worry , if l didn't get my [email protected] together first .


Yes, but we all have baggage. We need to be aware of it, and work with it because it will always be there. The past does impact the future but you are right...you need to be able to manage how it does that. I will never ever be the same trusting, naive person I was before. I mourn that a bit. I will always have triggers. But, it is up to me to manage how those triggers affect my new relationships and put the mental brakes on to remind myself that my new guy is not my ex. There will be certain similarities, but that is where it ends (hopefully...)


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah , exactly the type of stuff l found over and over but see your aware but most of the girls l'd met weren't. 

l dunno fenix, if we're at least aware though you know, as you say, hopefully we can manage stuff .
l do worry about myself still , it ain't over yet and l'll be the first one to admit it.
lt's not my old ways of just not worrying about a thing and going with the flow , letting it all take care of itself . It's different for me now and l worry a lot , about a lot of things . But l am really trying to keep any of that separate and more so just in my side of things, not letting it interfere with anything .
l figure the right girl will settle all those worries and fears because she will make sure l feel secure about her and our thing.
Normally in the past , that's what l would've done for her and vise verse , just as my ex and l did for years and years.

But l admit , things are different now , so l'll just have to see how l shape up l guess and do what l can.
l must admit to , that although l am so into T on one hand , for some reason she doesn't make me feel secure about whatever we have . l'm not sure why that is but l do know some of it comes from her , her way . Maybe the rest telling me this one won't be forever , l'm not sure. l'm still feeling my way through it.


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## EnjoliWoman

firebelly1 said:


> Your adopted parents wanted you but your birth mother gave you up. A lot of adopted kids are left feeling unwanted because of their birth parents.


Yes, I'm aware. And I have tried to really dig into that and honestly analyze my feelings. And each time I come back with only remember feeling EXTRA wanted because someone went out of their way just so they could have me. 

I had a happy childhood, did stuff with both parents. My sister who is their birth child was never treated differently, never given more or less chores, love, gifts, attention... and every question I ever had they answered. I really don't think being adopted impacted my mate choice at all. 

Even during my psychological evaluation there weren't any factors that related to my adoption that contributed to the marital dynamics, but the bullying in school, my chubbiness and general unattractive appearance (awkward, glasses, really crooked teeth then braces) led to low self esteem throughout my teen and young adult years. At 20 when I married I hadn't really gained much confidence.


----------



## whitehawk

We've gotta remember to. Things aren't always what we chose originally. We might've chosen very well but people change , especially in marriage. Marriage is eventually hard and it takes it's toll on people . 
l chose very well and l usually did in gf's to. Mind you , there has been a few bad apples .

My marriage and the person sorta began to change a long time after we married, yrs , as life took turns and things took tolls .
We both did and the old cause and effect started ping ponging back and forth along with stresses.
l'm not sure if the person l married would still be in there if things were different , no way of knowing.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bravenewworld said:


> Weird and disappointing update regarding Aviator - he told me he no longer wishes to see me because I need too much of his time. Which is an odd thing to say considering he has texted or called me every day this month and our dates have fairly often revolved around my schedule because I work a full and part time job.
> 
> He might have been ten years younger, but his ego is ten times larger than mine. Felt like there were also control issues going on and I am just not into that.
> 
> He was very tricky though! Up until three days or so ago I would have described him as extremely kind, thoughtful, and warm. Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome.
> 
> Bottom line: I deserve to be treated with respect in regards to my time. And I also deserve someone who can realize dating leads to conflicting views. It's ok to get upset, talk, and work it out. It's not rocket science.


Good job. I sort of had a similar realization when I went out a couple times recently with an old boyfriend. I had broken it off the first time because he hadn't finalized his divorce and for cultural reasons I would never be accepted by his family and friends so I got tired of feeling like a mistress. 

Fast forward 7 or so years - divorce was done long ago, he did finally tell his parents about me (sort of as the one who got away) and we reconnected. But at this point I had evolved and as soon as I pushed back about an issue he stopped all communication cold turkey. Which seemed very childish when the issue was communication.

We have to stand up for what we expect in a relationship and it's the difficult and awkward times that really show us who the real person is.


----------



## firebelly1

None of y'all are making me want to run out and do a lot of dating.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> None of y'all are making me want to run out and do a lot of dating.


This made me :rofl:!


----------



## texasoutlaw82

firebelly1 said:


> None of y'all are making me want to run out and do a lot of dating.


I'm with you. I have no desire to want to start a new relationship with anyone in the remotely near future. Granted, I'm only 2 months out...the thought of having to weed through people again does not sound appealing whatsoever.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think the reason I want to date with the objective of meeting someone special is two-fold... I'm a social creature. I really enjoy the conversation at the end of the day, the pillow talk, having someone to go and do stuff with even if it's a walk, a cookout, a restaurant, a concert... and my friend pool is limited. 

I'm hesitant to develop more female friends for the go/do because there is only so much of me to go around. I have five pretty good friends. One phasing in, another likely phasing out in that five. I already feel guilty not having enough time to see them all nor do I want to neglect them once I'm in a relationship and some things just are more enjoyable with an intimate partner. It is simply more enjoyable to me to go to a concert where I'm holding hands with the person I'm with. It's more fun to travel when there's a man to make me feel safe in the darkened hotel parking lots or help navigate the strange places. 

And of course there's the physical side. I can go a long time without sex but I don't really want to. I don't want to loose that part of me - not yet, I feel like I'm too young to write off my sexual side.


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> Sizing him up is a normal gut reaction, and it shows that you are mentally (consiously and subconsciously) preparing for battle if it comes to that. I saw it hundreds of times with Marines and Sailors. It includes a chemical reaction that triggers the fight/flight response. Your fight response seems to be foremost. It means you are preparing to at minimum hold your ground and if necessary run off the "competition".
> 
> as for her being intimidated, perhaps there is a way you can lessen that feeling for her? Maybe mention that education is only one part of intelligence, that common sense and the ability to maintain a relationship takes intelligence, too.


Thanks. I hate to think I am preparing to fight. It might be normal but it is not really healthy probably. I don't want to be normal! After I posted I focused on reading, then we went to see a great movie (The Liberator about Simon Bolivar). The rest of the night was great as usual. This morning, none of those thoughts. It was fleeting. I don't feel threatened by him now. he will not be able to cause any trouble that she cannot handle and I cannot deal with. So whatever. 

I agree about easing her mind about my ex too. I have said that too her already. I mean, I think a person who can learn another language from scratch, just watching tv and trying, has some wicked intelligence. We sat with academics over the weekend and all they could talk about was their theories...it sucked. We were both bored. They were rude and didn't try to include her. So for all their intelligence, they were sh!tty people. People who had great theories about social justice, but who live in ivory towers. (Not Simon Bolivars by any means!). I am actually doing some soul searching and dedicated exercises to see if I should leave academia by choice.



bravenewworld said:


> Bottom line: I deserve to be treated with respect in regards to my time. And I also deserve someone who can realize dating leads to conflicting views. It's ok to get upset, talk, and work it out. It's not rocket science.
> 
> Total emotional sun burn - because I really liked him! This dating stuff is frickin tough sometimes!


Sorry to hear about this guy. You are right. It is not rocket science. This guy's real personality came out when he was faced with a conflict and not getting what he wanted exactly. he acted like a child in tantrum mode, not a mature adult. All he had to do was talk with you about his hopes and be willing to be as flexible as you are willing to be; to treat you like a very important person even when things were not going to his liking all the way. But he is not capable of that. He has a lot of learning to do for a long-term relationship that is healthy. You don't need that drama. You need a man, not another child.


----------



## FeministInPink

I just want to thank everybody for all your posts lately. I've been questioning myself about the Fireman break-up, doubting myself, etc. etc... old habits die hard, I guess. It's hard to change those neural pathways, and it's still new to me, this understanding that I'm allowed to have expectations and boundaries, and that it's good for me. And that my needs are important.

Your posts haven't been about my situation, but they've resonated with me and the cacophony of emotions and thoughts I've had over the last few days. You don't know it, but your shared experiences are helping me, so thanks


----------



## TooNice

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think the reason I want to date with the objective of meeting someone special is two-fold... I'm a social creature. I really enjoy the conversation at the end of the day, the pillow talk, having someone to go and do stuff with even if it's a walk, a cookout, a restaurant, a concert... and my friend pool is limited.
> 
> I'm hesitant to develop more female friends for the go/do because there is only so much of me to go around. I have five pretty good friends. One phasing in, another likely phasing out in that five. I already feel guilty not having enough time to see them all nor do I want to neglect them once I'm in a relationship and some things just are more enjoyable with an intimate partner. It is simply more enjoyable to me to go to a concert where I'm holding hands with the person I'm with. It's more fun to travel when there's a man to make me feel safe in the darkened hotel parking lots or help navigate the strange places.
> 
> And of course there's the physical side. I can go a long time without sex but I don't really want to. I don't want to loose that part of me - not yet, I feel like I'm too young to write off my sexual side.


Totally agree with all of this! I know I am newly out, and my divorce will not be final for some time. But I relate to everything you said here.


----------



## movealong

Arendt said:


> Thanks. *I hate to think I am preparing to fight. It might be normal but it is not really healthy probably.* I don't want to be normal! After I posted I focused on reading, then we went to see a great movie (The Liberator about Simon Bolivar). The rest of the night was great as usual. This morning, none of those thoughts. It was fleeting. I don't feel threatened by him now. he will not be able to cause any trouble that she cannot handle and I cannot deal with. So whatever.


It is normal, and it is healthy. It maintains a balance in your life. Fight or flight is triggered by fear/anxiety. Anxiety is a fear of a situation where there is not immediate life threat, while true fear is based on threat to life. You recognized it for anxiety and reacted appropriately.



Arendt said:


> I agree about easing her mind about my ex too. I have said that too her already. I mean, I think a person who can learn another language from scratch, just watching tv and trying, has some wicked intelligence. We sat with academics over the weekend and *all they could talk about was their theories...it sucked. We were both bored. They were rude and didn't try to include her. So for all their intelligence, they were sh!tty people.* People who had great theories about social justice, but who live in ivory towers. (Not Simon Bolivars by any means!).* I am actually doing some soul searching and dedicated exercises to see if I should leave academia by choice.*


I am NOT trying to intentionally offend you with this statement, but most academics that I know, and have known, are prone to pomposity and arrogance. They've never had to live one of their theories. Sh!t gets real outside the beveled walls of academia. I was privilege to be able to hang out with my Sociology and Psych Profs while I was in college. As an older student (went to university after the military), I would call them on some of the theory, respectfully of course, and give them stories from my real life experiences traveling with Uncle Sam's Navy and Marine Corps. We had some great discussions.

If you want to make a life of academia, by all means do so. But you are forfeiting a lot of "real" life that goes on outside of theory. In my opinion, of course.

eta: I have several friends still in academia, one at West Virginia, two in Oklahoma, and one at Texas. I have all heard them say basically what you have said about rudeness, being exclusionary, and not understanding that people outside of academia do not live in theory.


----------



## ne9907

I honestly thought I was coping fairly well. I am not missing blue at all. But I am so emotionally drained. I went to bed early last night, but feel so tired today. I feel nothing drained.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> I just want to thank everybody for all your posts lately. *I've been questioning myself about the Fireman break-up, doubting myself, etc. etc... old habits die hard, I guess. It's hard to change those neural pathways, and it's still new to me, this understanding that I'm allowed to have expectations and boundaries, and that it's good for me. And that my needs are important.*
> 
> Your posts haven't been about my situation, but they've resonated with me and the cacophony of emotions and thoughts I've had over the last few days. You don't know it, but your shared experiences are helping me, so thanks


I feel the same way Fem! Was chatting with my Mom about this last night - the break-up, the doubt, etc. and she said "I know you are internalizing what he did, doubting, and blaming yourself but you didn't create whatever issue is causing him to act like that - and you also can't fix it. *It has nothing to do with you.*" 

There's this quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe "If you can't handle me at my worst, than you don't deserve me at my best." If a potential bf/gf can't handle us in those initial road bumps and misunderstandings that come with a new relationship - why do they deserve our time, laughter, emotional support, and physical affection? 

Also, I am happy that I told him I liked him a lot and expressed my disappointment. I used to see being stoic or coldness as strength but now I see it as a mask worn to cover weakness, insecurity, and not being in touch with one's highest form of self . 

Honestly, it feels like progress to discover I can be open and vulnerable because it will not break me. Being honest about my feelings regardless of how the other person will perceive it is true emotional/mental/spiritual freedom. 

In a beautiful garden today sipping coffee and working on my writing. Despite it's setbacks and heartbreaks - life is still good.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I feel the same way Fem! Was chatting with my Mom about this last night - the break-up, the doubt, etc. and she said "I know you are internalizing what he did, doubting, and blaming yourself but you didn't create whatever issue is causing him to act like that - and you also can't fix it. *It has nothing to do with you.*"
> 
> There's this quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe "If you can't handle me at my worst, than you don't deserve me at my best." If a potential bf/gf can't handle us in those initial road bumps and misunderstandings that come with a new relationship - why do they deserve our time, laughter, emotional support, and physical affection?
> 
> Also, I am happy that I told him I liked him a lot and expressed my disappointment. I used to see being stoic or coldness as strength but now I see it as a mask worn to cover weakness, insecurity, and not being in touch with one's highest form of self .
> 
> Honestly, it feels like progress to discover I can be open and vulnerable because it will not break me. Being honest about my feelings regardless of how the other person will perceive it is true emotional/mental/spiritual freedom.
> 
> In a beautiful garden today sipping coffee and working on my writing. Despite it's setbacks and heartbreaks - life is still good.


I wish I could talk to my mom like that, or that she was capable of giving good advice like that, but she's not, and we'll never have that type of relationship. So I've been advising myself... it's not me. I didn't do anything wrong in this situation.

I guess I'm just disappointed in how it all turned out. He just faded out, stopped responding to texts/calls, wouldn't make dates. None of it makes any sense... because it was really good when we were together. I know he got really busy with work, but that's no excuse.

I've never had any problem breaking up with someone when that *something* just wasn't there, so it bothers me that he would just fade out like that, rather than just telling me. Then again, I'm super honest and am pretty much physically incapable of lying, and I understand that's pretty unusual, too.

It's hard accepting, "He's just not that into you." Especially when he WAS that into me, for a time. I don't understand how people can turn on a dime like that. 

Even so, I'm glad the whole thing happened. It was nice to be vulnerable to someone again, despite the fact that he didn't appreciate it (I don't think). It's exhausting having to be strong all the time; there are so few people in my life that I can really count on/lean on for support, so I have to support myself (emotionally, financially, psychologically, etc), and that's really hard sometimes, to be everything for yourself. I was hoping... but it wasn't meant to be.


----------



## bravenewworld

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think the reason I want to date with the objective of meeting someone special is two-fold... *I'm a social creature. I really enjoy the conversation at the end of the day, the pillow talk, having someone to go and do stuff with even if it's a walk, a cookout, a restaurant, a concert... and my friend pool is limited. *
> 
> I'm hesitant to develop more female friends for the go/do because there is only so much of me to go around. I have five pretty good friends. One phasing in, another likely phasing out in that five. I already feel guilty not having enough time to see them all nor do I want to neglect them once I'm in a relationship and *some things just are more enjoyable with an intimate partner.* It is simply more enjoyable to me to go to a concert where I'm holding hands with the person I'm with. It's more fun to travel when there's a man to make me feel safe in the darkened hotel parking lots or help navigate the strange places.
> 
> *And of course there's the physical side.* I can go a long time without sex but I don't really want to. I don't want to loose that part of me - not yet, I feel like I'm too young to write off my sexual side.


Bolded the above because it really resonated with me. I want someone to laugh with at the movies, and have them reach over and pat my hand. To lay on a sandy beach together and drink cold beers with before winking at each other and heading up to the room. To cook a yummy dinner for and listen to them whistle while doing the dishes......

As I see it - life is a contact sport. I can suit up, put on my helmet, and play fair or I can sit on the sidelines and watch everyone who is brave enough to interact have fun. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you twist your ankle. But as long as you are taking care of yourself in the process I believe it's an important experience of being human and growing into the person you are meant to be. 

And when needed - I take a time out. Sometimes we all need to sit on the bench and sip some Gatorade.


----------



## ne9907

Of course there is nothing wrong about you ladies
Perhaps you should read "The Four Agreements"

I personally like number 2: (Edited)
Do not take anything personally.

I take nothing personally anymore. Whether it is a good thing, or a bad thing. Nothing.

I have been thinking a lot about ex lately, he once said to me 
"You were in the way" of why he cheated and was a despicable person.
Apparently, I was in the way of "his happines, and wanting to be single" so he hurt me because I was in the way.

SOme of these men are the same, we just get in the way of their lives. We must remove ourselves of those who do not put effort into creating something wonderful with our souls.


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> Of course there is nothing about you ladies
> Perhaps you should read "The Four Agreements"


:iagree:


----------



## moxy

> I am NOT trying to intentionally offend you with this statement, *but most academics that I know, and have known, are prone to pomposity and arrogance. They've never had to live one of their theories. Sh!t gets real outside the beveled walls of academia.* I was privilege to be able to hang out with my Sociology and Psych Profs while I was in college. As an older student (went to university after the military), I would call them on some of the theory, respectfully of course, and give them stories from my real life experiences traveling with Uncle Sam's Navy and Marine Corps. We had some great discussions.
> 
> If you want to make a life of academia, by all means do so. *But you are forfeiting a lot of "real" life that goes on outside of theory.* In my opinion, of course.
> 
> eta: I have several friends still in academia, one at West Virginia, two in Oklahoma, and one at Texas. I have all heard them say basically what you have said about *rudeness, being exclusionary, and not understanding that people outside of academia do not live in theory.*


Academia is full of big egos. Unfortunately, that sense of elitism is not uncommon on campuses. Some of my friends have left Academia by choice, but many have stayed and found a way to balance it. It's not all bad and the first year after completing the doctorate shuffles all kinds of things around in life and in one's headspace, I think. Academics can also be really fun sometimes -- and usually throw good parties. 

Some of us find it easier to live theoretically than actually, though  -- and not all of us are jerks. I, personally, find it very difficult to have much of a life outside of work; whether that is the result of life as an Academic or whether I chose my field because of this tendency is a chicken-egg sort of argument. Oddly enough, I'm usually attracted to partners rooted in the "real world" for just that reason: I live in my head all the time and would rather be embodied when I'm in a relationship. Guy (and spending time with him) was definitely the special part of my week, but he missed Army life and decided to disappear. What did I do in response? Filled that space with more work.


----------



## movealong

moxy said:


> Academia is full of big egos. Unfortunately, that sense of elitism is not uncommon on campuses. Some of my friends have left Academia by choice, but many have stayed and found a way to balance it. It's not all bad and the first year after completing the doctorate shuffles all kinds of things around in life and in one's headspace, I think. *Academics can also be really fun sometimes -- and usually throw good parties. *
> 
> Some of us find it easier to live theoretically than actually, though  -- and not all of us are jerks. I, personally, find it very difficult to have much of a life outside of work; whether that is the result of life as an Academic or whether I chose my field because of this tendency is a chicken-egg sort of argument. Oddly enough, I'm usually attracted to partners rooted in the "real world" for just that reason: I live in my head all the time and would rather be embodied when I'm in a relationship. Guy (and spending time with him) was definitely the special part of my week, but he missed Army life and decided to disappear. What did I do in response? Filled that space with more work.


Damn good parties!! When either one of those Prof's threw a party, I at least showed up for a little while even if I had to work or get up for class in the morning. It was NOT to be missed, lol!

My friend in West Virginia is really cool, down to earth and doesn't let the tethers of academia keep her tied to work and theory. Not all academics are pompous or arrogant, but there is a reason for the generalization.


----------



## moxy

bravenewworld said:


> Also, I am happy that I told him I liked him a lot and expressed my disappointment. *I used to see being stoic or coldness as strength but now I see it as a mask worn to cover weakness, insecurity, and not being in touch with one's highest form of self .*
> 
> Honestly, it feels like progress to discover I can be open and vulnerable because it will not break me. Being honest about my feelings regardless of how the other person will perceive it is true emotional/mental/spiritual freedom.


I recognize that walls are a sign of weakness and that I feel incredibly weak because I am walled off. It hurts me to hear myself described as cold, though I know that I can be just so, especially when I am afraid. I also think my writing suffers when I can't be vulnerable because...I'm not really living. (Lucky you in a garden with coffee and words, today!) I used to be a very open person, but the dissolution of my marriage turned me into a carapace haunted by the ghost of myself. I agree with you -- big time! -- that embracing vulnerability is progress. My biggest regret, lately, is...not opening up enough; doubt it would have changed things, but I would have felt much better about the outcome. 

This is a tangent, but it's related to the idea of honesty/vulnerability that you mentioned: I miss Guy; I hope he's okay over there; And, I wish I'd had the courage to say more to him about how much he meant to me, if for no other reason than that he should know that he's loved by many people. I'm depressed; which is why I'm not talking much about it or other things, lately -- but, I am really enjoying reading y'all's posts.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> None of y'all are making me want to run out and do a lot of dating.


Well, I'm still having a ton of fun. I hit the 9 month mark with my guy. And the separation mark of 18 months from the x. i may have jumped in too soon, but he and I were/are on the same page so oh well...


----------



## Fenix

bravenewworld said:


> I feel the same way Fem! Was chatting with my Mom about this last night - the break-up, the doubt, etc. and she said "I know you are internalizing what he did, doubting, and blaming yourself but you didn't create whatever issue is causing him to act like that - and you also can't fix it. *It has nothing to do with you.*"
> 
> There's this quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe "If you can't handle me at my worst, than you don't deserve me at my best." If a potential bf/gf can't handle us in those initial road bumps and misunderstandings that come with a new relationship - why do they deserve our time, laughter, emotional support, and physical affection?
> 
> Also, I am happy that I told him I liked him a lot and expressed my disappointment. I used to see being stoic or coldness as strength but now I see it as a mask worn to cover weakness, insecurity, and not being in touch with one's highest form of self .
> 
> Honestly, it feels like progress to discover I can be open and vulnerable because it will not break me. Being honest about my feelings regardless of how the other person will perceive it is true emotional/mental/spiritual freedom.
> 
> In a beautiful garden today sipping coffee and working on my writing. Despite it's setbacks and heartbreaks - life is still good.


Love this entire post.


----------



## Arendt

movealong said:


> *I am NOT trying to intentionally offend you with this statement, but most academics that I know, and have known, are prone to pomposity and arrogance.* They've never had to live one of their theories. Sh!t gets real outside the beveled walls of academia. I was privilege to be able to hang out with my Sociology and Psych Profs while I was in college. As an older student (went to university after the military), I would call them on some of the theory, respectfully of course, and give them stories from my real life experiences traveling with Uncle Sam's Navy and Marine Corps. We had some great discussions.
> 
> If you want to make a life of academia, by all means do so. *But you are forfeiting a lot of "real" life that goes on outside of theory. In my opinion, of course.*


Well, I freely admit my tendency to arrogance. In the past I have been one of the worst offenders. Anybody who could not talk on the level I thought I needed, I would ignore them. I did the same as those people. 3 years ago, I could not have dated Guatemalan. What changed that for me was my exwife leaving me, breaking down, going to therapy to deal with my issues of withdrawal and arrogance, and getting into a 12 Step program for a time (AA) which probably did the most for me as far as humbling me. All my books, though ones I have read and the ones I myself have published were of no use to me; they made me into a pompous ivory tower academic that I never thought I would become.

I've lived a decent life I think. I have lived and worked for peace and justice. I think that is a good life. But for a time I did fall into a trap. That's over and I am glad I was able to come out of it. The main issue for me with academia is not whether I would make a good teacher or whether I will be able to publish if I leave or anything (I will continue to write and be engaged in writing and editing no matter my future profession), but it is that I want control over my life. To get a tenure track position means being willing to go where the job is, no matter what. Then potentially moving on to better waters in a few years. I want control over where I live primarily. 



moxy said:


> Some of us find it easier to live theoretically than actually, though  -- and not all of us are jerks. *I, personally, find it very difficult to have much of a life outside of work*; whether that is the result of life as an Academic or whether I chose my field because of this tendency is a chicken-egg sort of argument. Oddly enough, I'm usually attracted to partners rooted in the "real world" for just that reason: I live in my head all the time and would rather be embodied when I'm in a relationship. Guy (and spending time with him) was definitely the special part of my week, but he missed Army life and decided to disappear. What did I do in response? Filled that space with more work.


The bold part: yep. It took over my life. For example, at one point I was doing course work, editing three books, working on several articles for peer reviewed journals, had papers to prepare for conference presentations at several points, and studying for comprehensive exams. I had a wife who wanted attention. I could not do all of that and see people, and why would I? They were boring. They could not talk to me at my level. I am smarter than most of them. If they didn't have power (either professors or very, very intelligent grad students) and could not help me now or in the future with these types of projects, why waste my time with them? Why waste time at the movies, at art festivals, at anything social? My life, my fun and my work was wrapped up in reading and writing, and I was paid to do it 24/7. Lost all connections except for professional ones. And where were they in my darkest of hours? Writing chapters...reading books. 

No more. I defend my dissertation in January. I limit that work strictly. A friend and I have two book projects to start after I defend, but in both I am doing artwork. I have a few other ideas for books to publish (I am an editor of a book series). But I carefully guard time to spend out and with other people now. Fun and work are different. Work is fun. But it is only one of the fun things I do and only moderately now. But my moderate is still probably hyper drive for some other people (I mean...I just had a book published this month...I am still a grad student!).


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> None of y'all are making me want to run out and do a lot of dating.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: no kidding


----------



## BaxJanson

Bravenewworld, you mention that Marilyn Monroe quote, and I wanted to share that I despise that quote - it's an automatic red flag for me. (Granted, I know that's for me, and no reflection on you aat all.)

My X loved that quote, and always interpreted it to mean that if I ever wanted to see her at her best, first I had to endure her worst - any self-regulation meant she was not 'being honest with herself,' and completely excused any behavior she wanted to throw at me. Naturally, seeing her at her best was a short-term reward at best.

As for you (and all the others in heartbreakland) I hope you all recover quickly and well. Treat it like a wound - a psychic wound (that is, to the psyche) - and be gentle, patient and understanding with yourselves.


----------



## FeministInPink

BaxJanson said:


> Bravenewworld, you mention that Marilyn Monroe quote, and I wanted to share that I despise that quote - it's an automatic red flag for me. (Granted, I know that's for me, and no reflection on you aat all.)
> 
> My X loved that quote, and always interpreted it to mean that if I ever wanted to see her at her best, first I had to endure her worst - any self-regulation meant she was not 'being honest with herself,' and completely excused any behavior she wanted to throw at me. Naturally, seeing her at her best was a short-term reward at best.
> 
> As for you (and all the others in heartbreakland) I hope you all recover quickly and well. Treat it like a wound - a psychic wound (that is, to the psyche) - and be gentle, patient and understanding with yourselves.


It's unfortunate that your X interpreted that quote all wrong... because I think it's a great quote. I think it's really meant to say that there are a lot of fair-weather people out there, and they'll bail on you when things get rough. We all need someone who will be there for us in both good and bad weather.


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> Well, I'm still having a ton of fun. I hit the 9 month mark with my guy. And the separation mark of 18 months from the x. i may have jumped in too soon, but he and I were/are on the same page so oh well...


That's awesome, Fenix! I'm happy for you!! Tell us some good stories from your life to offset some of the implosions all over the thread! 



Arendt said:


> The main issue for me with academia is not whether I would make a good teacher or whether I will be able to publish if I leave or anything (I will continue to write and be engaged in writing and editing no matter my future profession), but it is that I want control over my life. To get a tenure track position means being willing to go where the job is, no matter what. Then potentially moving on to better waters in a few years. I want control over where I live primarily.


It is possible to hold out until you get a job where you want one. I came close and I'm in a good situation. Of course, it depends upon your field and your preferred location. I was willing to go wherever the job took me and I'm pleased with my results, for now (though I do have a nomadic spirit, so I think I need to travel, soon; thankfully, conferences allow just that!)

Additionally, while it doesn't have to be an either/or situation, you lose something by leaving. You can still write and publish outside of Academia, but in all honesty...you will likely lose some of the energy, drive, motivation, and opportunity to do so if you are outside of a university; that's what I have seen in friends. Control? I don't know anyone who can guarantee that, Academia or not.



Arendt said:


> why waste my time with them? Why waste time at the movies, at art festivals, at anything social? My life, my fun and my work was wrapped up in reading and writing, and I was paid to do it 24/7. Lost all connections except for professional ones. And where were they in my darkest of hours? Writing chapters...reading books.


In my darkest hours, I didn't have anyone I thought I could count on, but my grad school friends had couches on which they let me crash (and, there was TAM). I'd rather not comment on where I'd likely be, if I didn't have my dissertation to keep me tethered to life at that time. However, I do tend to prefer my work to any other kind of life...people in my life have usually not been there for me in the way I needed, but pages always have.  And, yet, here I am longing for something else to invoke into my heart, still. So, maybe there's a case for having a personal life to be made, after all. *Shrug*


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> I am at Guatemalan's house right now, while she is at class. I am picking her up in an hour and a half or so to go see a film (There is a huge film festival here and I have free VIP passes...I won a $5000 package). Anyhow...
> 
> I saw her ex on Sunday when I dropped her off. She told me when I took her to class that he came to her work today to talk with her, but she told him to send an email (it was not an amicable divorce and is was a year ago...), and he tried to cancel watching her boy this weekend for no reason. It is clearly about me. He was very uncomfortable seeing me...she said he never smiles like that around her. They don't talk, he just drops the kid off. He kept looking at me. He was a good looking guy, not in bad shape but not toned up from lifting like me. No tattoos or anything (I'm aware of how tattoos can intimidate people...I'm nearly sleeved on one arm)...ughh...I comparing in my head, sizing him up like I would an enemy or a threat.
> 
> Anyway...I am expecting him to create some kind of drama. I am never really around her kid. I have met him once, and seen him a couple times but always for really short times. Their issues are not amicable (he hit her and cheated on her, then didn't want a divorce). My situation is so much easier: a relatively amicable but very clean break. (Guatemalan is reading a book I just published in which my ex has a chapter though...so she will size up my ex intellectually and will likely feel a little intimidated at the exes intellectual prowess). I guess I should simply not worry about it. Not let it dwell in my head...but she just told me this stuff like an hour ago so it is fresh in my mind...distracting me from my dissertation work while I wait.
> 
> I'd prefer not to think about this. We've been dating for two months. Have a really nice night planned at the film festival. I made her a really great meal: a lentil loaf. It won't affect my interactions with her later, but it is distracting me from my work now.





movealong said:


> Sizing him up is a normal gut reaction, and it shows that you are mentally (consiously and subconsciously) preparing for battle if it comes to that. I saw it hundreds of times with Marines and Sailors. It includes a chemical reaction that triggers the fight/flight response. Your fight response seems to be foremost. It means you are preparing to at minimum hold your ground and if necessary run off the "competition".
> 
> as for her being intimidated, perhaps there is a way you can lessen that feeling for her? Maybe mention that education is only one part of intelligence, that common sense and the ability to maintain a relationship takes intelligence, too.


How did I miss this?
My GF says that when there are other men around I get very territorial, she jokes that she feels like she needs to be peed on. She says it doesn't bother her when I acted surprised by her telling me that. I honestly don't notice it, but I have been told I carry a presence in a room on many occasions.


----------



## Arendt

Another Planet said:


> How did I miss this?
> My GF says that when there are other men around I get very territorial, she jokes that she feels like she needs to be peed on. She says it doesn't bother her when I acted surprised by her telling me that. I honestly don't notice it, but I have been told I carry a presence in a room on many occasions.


I am quite certain that I did not give off that vibe. My stuff was internal...thoughts, a tension, etc. I am not sure it is normal as other people have said. And moreover, I am not sure that even if it is normal, that it is a good thing, a healthy thing. Normality, as I see it, is often not at all good a for a person. I am against normality! 

I prefer to strive to not see myself as competing, and in a situation like this, not see this ex as somehow a threat. He's not. It's better to be a little more rational: she divorced him for being a complete turd of a human being let alone husband. He has court ordered obligations he has to fulfill. He has been in jail for spousal abuse. As far as trouble, what could he possibly do really? Not much I suspect. I am pretty smart, good at chess and can stay ahead of the game. 

But as far as him being a threat to this budding relationship: no. He is not that. As far as him being a threat to me personally. No. He is not that on any level. A threat to her: No.

So it was irrational. Normal perhaps, but irrational and needing a step back to see things from that 50,000 foot level as Conrad used to post about here. I prefer to examine my reaction, my internal defensiveness and sizing up and such. I prefer to examine my internal thoughts and kind of gut level reaction. Why this reaction and not something else? Does this reaction say something about my self-image? Am I insecure? 

And most of all, whatever the reasons, my actual actions were good: I was simply calm on the outside. Ignored him as he looked at me and smiled (as smile I am certain hid his own insecurity). I said nothing. Did nothing. And that was good. I am not there to taunt him, take his child away, make him feel terrible. Nothing like that. What would a machismo action say to her: That she is my property? I don't see women that way.


----------



## whitehawk

BaxJanson said:


> Bravenewworld, you mention that Marilyn Monroe quote, and I wanted to share that I despise that quote - it's an automatic red flag for me. (Granted, I know that's for me, and no reflection on you aat all.)
> 
> My X loved that quote, and always interpreted it to mean that if I ever wanted to see her at her best, first I had to endure her worst - any self-regulation meant she was not 'being honest with herself,' and completely excused any behavior she wanted to throw at me. Naturally, seeing her at her best was a short-term reward at best.
> 
> As for you (and all the others in heartbreakland) I hope you all recover quickly and well. Treat it like a wound - a psychic wound (that is, to the psyche) - and be gentle, patient and understanding with yourselves.



Yeah l thought the same thing. Monroe would be one person l sure wouldn't be listening to her life was fkd .


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Well, I'm still having a ton of fun. I hit the 9 month mark with my guy. And the separation mark of 18 months from the x. i may have jumped in too soon, but he and I were/are on the same page so oh well...


That's pretty quick Fenix . How long was your marriage ?
Anyway , some people seem to get lucky and fall into something good so soon. I reckon if f it's good it's good , it's only when it's fkd it's fkd :rofl:
Me ,we were together 19yrs so the last thing l wanted to do so soon was get re'envolved , l just wanted life to be my own for once , for awhile first and l needed to get my head straight anyway so .


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l thought the same thing. Monroe would be one person l sure wouldn't be listening to her life was fkd .


I agree with the guys here, I do not like that quote. I have no feelings towards MMonroe. But that quote irks me.


----------



## whitehawk

Saw ex last night , l don't think she saw me and T in her car after all. And when l thought about it , she does have really bad eyes and there's no way she could be driving round a bend , see my car and then pick me out in T's car beside it all at the same time.
She must've been just looking at my car beside T's , kinda funny really.
She came out last night to greet us , opened my sides door all chatty and happy to see us . Straight away l thought nope , she missed it - anti climax :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I am quite certain that I did not give off that vibe. My stuff was internal...thoughts, a tension, etc. I am not sure it is normal as other people have said. And moreover, I am not sure that even if it is normal, that it is a good thing, a healthy thing. Normality, as I see it, is often not at all good a for a person. I am against normality!
> 
> I prefer to strive to not see myself as competing, and in a situation like this, not see this ex as somehow a threat. He's not. It's better to be a little more rational: she divorced him for being a complete turd of a human being let alone husband. He has court ordered obligations he has to fulfill. He has been in jail for spousal abuse. As far as trouble, what could he possibly do really? Not much I suspect. I am pretty smart, good at chess and can stay ahead of the game.
> 
> But as far as him being a threat to this budding relationship: no. He is not that. As far as him being a threat to me personally. No. He is not that on any level. A threat to her: No.
> 
> So it was irrational. Normal perhaps, but irrational and needing a step back to see things from that 50,000 foot level as Conrad used to post about here. I prefer to examine my reaction, my internal defensiveness and sizing up and such. I prefer to examine my internal thoughts and kind of gut level reaction. Why this reaction and not something else? Does this reaction say something about my self-image? Am I insecure?
> 
> And most of all, whatever the reasons, my actual actions were good: I was simply calm on the outside. Ignored him as he looked at me and smiled (as smile I am certain hid his own insecurity). I said nothing. Did nothing. And that was good. I am not there to taunt him, take his child away, make him feel terrible. Nothing like that. What would a machismo action say to her: That she is my property? I don't see women that way.


There is a lot of stuff we do that's pure biology, things that we don't even notice, like AP said he didn't realize he was more territorial when other men were around, even though his girlfriend noticed it. 

For example, several months ago I read an article about how, when having sex for the first time after a short (or long) separation from their partners, men thrust differently than they normally do, no matter how secure they are in their partner's fidelity. The thrusting creates a sort of suction within his partner, with the intention to draw out and discard any reproductive material left behind by another male, and to replace it with his own. This behavior is seen in other species as well.

Now, I bet you never thought about that, you just thought you were having really great sex, but there's science behind it.

Of course, that was the first example I thought of, because I have a one-track mind 

EDIT: So, my point is, if you get a little territorial, don't over-analyze it, because it's probably just a biological impulse. Whether or not you act on it or do anything about it is what one needs to be concerned about.


----------



## ne9907

If I could like your post FIP, I totally would. Alas my phone settings won't let me see likes. 

I have a bucket list. One item is to pick up a hitchhiker. 
Today I did it!!!
After I dropped him off, I said to myself
"Picking up a hitchhiker: check!"
And then this thought popped into my mind (I just burst out laughing)
"Having an affair with a married man: check!"

Ugh. I am sorry all, I know first hand the pain of infidelity. But I found it funny.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> None of y'all are making me want to run out and do a lot of dating.


So don't!! It's definitely a lot less stressful  

Sorry everyone is finding a turd in their punchbowl. Thanks for venting though, helps remind me I'm still not ready to even attempt to try to meet someone. The b.s. isn't worth it to me at this point.


----------



## movealong

And here I am having a great texting conversation with athe woman I am meeting this weekend. Talking about art and our favorite artists. She is a Picasso fan, and I lean more towards Degas.

I can't describe the feeling, but if you have ever watched "The Shawsank Redemption", it _*feels *_like the last lines of the movie.



> I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.


----------



## RandomDude

Well fellas, based on what FWB told me recently, unintentionally having FBs getting all emo with me is MY fault =/

Well, she didn't say it that way, but she mentioned that how I touch/hold/caress gives the wrong signals. :scratchhead: How does that work? Like WTF?

Or was she probing to see if the "light is green" so to speak, considering she did start the whole topic by asking me if I touch other women the same way. *shrug*


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> EDIT: So, my point is, if you get a little territorial, don't over-analyze it, because it's probably just a biological impulse. Whether or not you act on it or do anything about it is what one needs to be concerned about.


you are probably right about not over analyzing such a thing. It is good for me to be aware of my feelings and admit them. But maybe not so much to dwell on a reaction and wonder if something is wrong with me in a perfectly normal situation that i actually handled quite well. 

I dropped out of counseling. psychologist gave me a personality test. Nope. I hate those tests and don't like that method. I prefer that a counselor simply get to know me and not put me in predetermined boxes. I'll go it on my own. I am sane enough.


----------



## Fenix

moxy said:


> That's awesome, Fenix! I'm happy for you!! Tell us some good stories from your life to offset some of the implosions all over the thread!


Thanks. Who knows where it will go..or if it will, but for now, it is a ton of fun.



whitehawk said:


> That's pretty quick Fenix . How long was your marriage ?
> Anyway , some people seem to get lucky and fall into something good so soon. I reckon if f it's good it's good , it's only when it's fkd it's fkd :rofl:
> Me ,we were together 19yrs so the last thing l wanted to do so soon was get re'envolved , l just wanted life to be my own for once , for awhile first and l needed to get my head straight anyway so .


 It is totally too fast and soon. But whatcha gonna do?! I was married for 25 years, with him for 30. I know why the marriage failed and I am still in the process of figuring out why I chose as I did and why I didn't listen to my gut. This guy shares one characteristic with my x, but hopefully not more. I have no idea what will happen but for now, it is perfect. Stress-free, fun, trusting and has those natural boundaries (that I like) due to both of our situations. The similarities are freaky. Both of us were expats whose marriages broke up overseas and prompted our return the exact same month. Same age, married almost the same amount of time. Both of us have teenagers who miss the expat lifestyle (four teens between 15 and 17 between the two of us). We are enjoying each other tremendously and both of us are healing.



ne9907 said:


> If I could like your post FIP, I totally would. Alas my phone settings won't let me see likes.
> 
> I have a bucket list. One item is to pick up a hitchhiker.
> Today I did it!!!
> After I dropped him off, I said to myself
> "Picking up a hitchhiker: check!"
> And then this thought popped into my mind (I just burst out laughing)
> "Having an affair with a married man: check!"
> 
> Ugh. I am sorry all, I know first hand the pain of infidelity. But I found it funny.


Dark humor....LOVE it. Look, if I can't laugh at the horrid situation that my marriage turned out to be, I would well and truly be effed. 



movealong said:


> I can't describe the feeling, but if you have ever watched "The Shawsank Redemption", it _*feels *_like the last lines of the movie.


That quote sums it up very well.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> Thanks. Who knows where it will go..or if it will, but for now, it is a ton of fun.
> 
> It is totally too fast and soon. But whatcha gonna do?! I was married for 25 years, with him for 30. I know why the marriage failed and I am still in the process of figuring out why I chose as I did and why I didn't listen to my gut. This guy shares one characteristic with my x, but hopefully not more. I have no idea what will happen but for now, it is perfect. Stress-free, fun, trusting and has those natural boundaries (that I like) due to both of our situations. The similarities are freaky. Both of us were expats whose marriages broke up overseas and prompted our return the exact same month. Same age, married almost the same amount of time. Both of us have teenagers who miss the expat lifestyle (four teens between 15 and 17 between the two of us). We are enjoying each other tremendously and both of us are healing.
> 
> Wow ,so long yet you found what you found so soon. l'd imagine it would be great medicine with the right person ,it's just meeting them an all the duds that causes the brain fk , well for me anyway.
> l did meet someone very very special only 3mths out and we spent a pretty wild 6wks together but , it was just too soon for me and l just felt like l couldn't cope with it any further . Which broke her heart , again.
> And that made me think even more so , just look at this , l'm only out a few mths yet l've made a mess already and , it hurt me a lot leaving that too so double it
> Re re connected about 12mths later but she just couldn't get past that so !
> Been seeing a great girl right now , exactly 2yrs out, not sure where to from here though, few issues.
> 
> Anyway good for you ,sounds perfect for the sitch and all the best with it all.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Well fellas, based on what FWB told me recently, unintentionally having FBs getting all emo with me is MY fault =/
> 
> Well, she didn't say it that way, but she mentioned that how I touch/hold/caress gives the wrong signals. :scratchhead: How does that work? Like WTF?
> 
> Or was she probing to see if the "light is green" so to speak, considering she did start the whole topic by asking me if I touch other women the same way. *shrug*


Yep - I had this conversation with another guy recently who thought he was just FWB but the woman seems to think it's something else. He was kissing, cuddling, and caressing her after sex. We women take that to mean that you want more than just sex. FYI everybody.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Yep - I had this conversation with another guy recently who thought he was just FWB but the woman seems to think it's something else. He was kissing, cuddling, and caressing her after sex. We women take that to mean that you want more than just sex. FYI everybody.


Well, was it Ne (or somebody else?) who posted the link to the article about emotionally available men? The article said that a man who is emotionally unavailable will TELL you he's emotionally unavailable, but he'll still do stuff like that (above), and go out with you, and maybe bring you soup when you're sick, etc...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Well, was it Ne (or somebody else?) who posted the link to the article about emotionally available men? The article said that a man who is emotionally unavailable will TELL you he's emotionally unavailable, but he'll still do stuff like that (above), and go out with you, and maybe bring you soup when you're sick, etc...


Which leads to MY question...WTF?? :scratchhead: WHY do they do that?


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> Which leads to MY question...WTF?? :scratchhead: WHY do they do that?


Why wouldn't they? Hopefully, they like and respect you. They just don't want more. I think the better question is :why don't we women* listen* when they tell us they are unavailable?


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Which leads to MY question...WTF?? :scratchhead: WHY do they do that?


Because they are decent people. They may not have feelings for you but that does not mean they do not want to enjoy spending time with you. Read the article, it is a gem.

A Thesis for Emotionally Unavailable Men




Fenix said:


> Why wouldn't they? Hopefully, they like and respect you. They just don't want more. I think the better question is :why don't we women* listen* when they tell us they are unavailable?


:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> Why wouldn't they? Hopefully, they like and respect you. They just don't want more. I think the better question is :why don't we women* listen* when they tell us they are unavailable?


Usually actions speak louder than words, arent we always told to pay attention to actions? I mean, if you arent emotionally available to someone, then it seems counter productive and confusing to treat them like you are...


----------



## firebelly1

Fenix said:


> Why wouldn't they? Hopefully, they like and respect you. They just don't want more. I think the better question is :why don't we women* listen* when they tell us they are unavailable?


Because I will tend to believe their actions more than words. Which to me, seems reasonable...but now I know of at least three examples of guys (including RandomDude) who have said they just want FWB and that's exactly what they mean even though, in my mind, that isn't how they are behaving if they cuddle, caress, and kiss tenderly after sex. Those are signs of affection not lust. But, apparently, they don't mean it that way. Urgh.

My experience with FWB has shown me that there are really differing levels of "having feelings" for someone. My tendency would be to think if you are cuddling afterward and bringing me soup, I'm special to you and you might be open to a relationship. But apparently it doesn't have that much meaning at all.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Usually actions speak louder than words, arent we always told to pay attention to actions? I mean, if you arent emotionally available to someone, then it seems counter productive and confusing to treat them like you are...


That is why you have to stay grounded.
Take me as an example, Blue was always very touchy-feely when we were together, very intimate, it was perfect. I was the only person who existed in his world when we were together.

But he did tell me from the beginning that he didnt do feelings (I know why now). It would have been so easy to fall in love with him. Perhaps I was falling in love with him (?) 
But I knew from the beginning what he wanted out of the relationship and what he didnt want.

At one point, he even began texting me "Sweet Dreams" 
I believe a "sweet dreams" is only reserved for someone you care about, so naturally I began to freak out. But believe me, I never saw a long term potential because HE announced his intentions from the beginning.

BAH!!! I am going to miss talking about him, FFS!!


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> That is why you have to stay grounded.
> Take me as an example, Blue was always very touchy-feely when we were together, very intimate, it was perfect. I was the only person who existed in his world when we were together.
> 
> But he did tell me from the beginning that he didnt do feelings (I know why now). It would have been so easy to fall in love with him. Perhaps I was falling in love with him (?)
> But I knew from the beginning what he wanted out of the relationship and what he didnt want.
> 
> At one point, he even began texting me "Sweet Dreams"
> I believe a "sweet dreams" is only reserved for someone you care about, so naturally I began to freak out. But believe me, I never saw a long term potential because HE announced his intentions from the beginning.
> 
> BAH!!! I am going to miss talking about him, FFS!!


And I would interpret the tenderness and "sweet dreams" as evidence that maybe his feelings were changing. Apparently I have been wrong. 

I did have a guy friend say - if he has said from the beginning that all he wants is FWB, that is exactly what it is until and unless he says otherwise, no matter what he's doing. AND...that if he thinks of you as a FWB, it probably isn't going to change. Like a brick to the side of my head. Really? I really don't understand men.

Knowing that...the cuddling seems kind of cruel. Don't act like you feel affection for me if you don't. Just f*ck me and get out.


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

Sorry for the long post. I’ve been lurking on TAM for a couple years now, posting occasionally. Been reading this thread a long time. Was married for 25 years, together with ex about 30 years, divorced now about 5 months (with 17 months of separation prior to the divorce). I’ve been particularly interested in the FWB conversations since I’ve been totally confused by the mixed messages I was (am…) receiving from a guy. Knew this guy back in junior and senior high school. We both separated around the same time and reconnected. His divorce was final about a year ago. He lived in another state up north, but was down here several times a month on business. He finally moved here earlier this year because his headquarters office is here. He did not move for me…. It has been rough on him because his kids (all grown) are all up north. He misses them a lot but still spends time with them.

We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about 19 months. It’s been an interesting and confusing relationship. I’m more ready for a relationship than he is. I acknowledge and accept that. He is extremely busy and travels a lot. The problem is the mixed messages he sends. We talked about a FWB relationship…. He said he likes me a lot and doesn’t necessarily want that type of a relationship. And I’m left thinking …well what kind of relationship do we have? I don’t define it as a FWB thing, because to me that’s a relationship mainly confined to the bedroom. It seems like more than just a “friendship.” We don’t see each other more than a few times a month…with schedules and what not, and we generally go out for dinner and drinks. He is extremely affectionate…. Which leads to mixed messages. When I am with this guy he hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand…all the things that were greatly lacking in my marriage. There is a lot of laughing when we are together. Although he is extremely attentive when we are together, it seems like an out-of-sight / out-of-mind kind of thing. I’ve tried to talk with him about it and how it makes me feel when we have a great time when we ‘re together, and then he kind of drops off the face of the earth and I don’t hear from him for weeks….not even a text. 

Ok… so I know he is busy, his kids, friends, and family are important to him, he has hobbies, etc., lots of responsibilities at work (president of a company with 6 locations around the US). I get all that. But what’s your take on the mixed messages? I’ve never known a guy who is as attentive and affectionate with someone who he just considers a friend…. If you’re not ready/interested in a relationship right now…. If a relationship isn’t a priority with everything else going on in your life, then what’s with all the affection? Interesting too that when we “reconnect” after weeks of not seeing each other, he asks why I’m so standoffish as he’s laughing and pulling me close for a kiss…And again, this isn’t when we’re at my place, but out in public…


----------



## movealong

I can only speak for myself here, but on the few occasions in my past when I have been with a FWB situation, I wanted the physical connection of the cuddling/snuggling, caresses and tender kisses after sex. It fulfilled a physical need for me as much as the sex. It didn't change the circumstances of the relationship though. And yes, I did care for and respect the woman, but in my mind there was no future there and no "love".


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> I can only speak for myself here, but on the few occasions in my past when I have been with a FWB situation, I wanted the physical connection of the cuddling/snuggling, caresses and tender kisses after sex. It fulfilled a physical need for me as much as the sex. It didn't change the circumstances of the relationship though. And yes, I did care for and respect the woman, but in my mind there was no future there and no "love".


:iagree:

That is how I felt about Blue.


----------



## moxy

firebelly1 said:


> My experience with FWB has shown me that there are really differing levels of "having feelings" for someone. My tendency would be to think if you are cuddling afterward and bringing me soup, I'm special to you and you might be open to a relationship. But apparently it doesn't have that much meaning at all.


I think that we should listen to BOTH actions AND words.

There are definitely different sorts of feelings and also different sorts of commitments, which is why reading into things instead of discussing them is problematic. Our expectations are based on our understanding of the dynamic. I, personally, think that affection is part of having a nice night with someone -- and, not indicative of long-term commitment or even lasting feeling. 

I don't think one should assume one matters to one's sexual partner unless one's sexual partner explicitly says so. If your partner says, "I only want you to be with me and no one else" or "I'm only seeing you and no one else" or considers you his/her special person and actually says so, that means something in the context of the hooking up; otherwise, one could just as easily say, "I'm having fun with you, but I don't want anything serious." I don't assume that anything means something unless someone explicitly says it does and some understanding has been reached. Even then, it doesn't always matter because someone might just say "I want to stick around" and then change his/her mind, anyway.


----------



## firebelly1

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> Sorry for the long post. I’ve been lurking on TAM for a couple years now, posting occasionally. Been reading this thread a long time. Was married for 25 years, together with ex about 30 years, divorced now about 5 months (with 17 months of separation prior to the divorce). I’ve been particularly interested in the FWB conversations since I’ve been totally confused by the mixed messages I was (am…) receiving from a guy. Knew this guy back in junior and senior high school. We both separated around the same time and reconnected. His divorce was final about a year ago. He lived in another state up north, but was down here several times a month on business. He finally moved here earlier this year because his headquarters office is here. He did not move for me…. It has been rough on him because his kids (all grown) are all up north. He misses them a lot but still spends time with them.
> 
> We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about 19 months. It’s been an interesting and confusing relationship. I’m more ready for a relationship than he is. I acknowledge and accept that. He is extremely busy and travels a lot. The problem is the mixed messages he sends. We talked about a FWB relationship…. He said he likes me a lot and doesn’t necessarily want that type of a relationship. And I’m left thinking …well what kind of relationship do we have? I don’t define it as a FWB thing, because to me that’s a relationship mainly confined to the bedroom. It seems like more than just a “friendship.” We don’t see each other more than a few times a month…with schedules and what not, and we generally go out for dinner and drinks. He is extremely affectionate…. Which leads to mixed messages. When I am with this guy he hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand…all the things that were greatly lacking in my marriage. There is a lot of laughing when we are together. Although he is extremely attentive when we are together, it seems like an out-of-sight / out-of-mind kind of thing. I’ve tried to talk with him about it and how it makes me feel when we have a great time when we ‘re together, and then he kind of drops off the face of the earth and I don’t hear from him for weeks….not even a text.
> 
> Ok… so I know he is busy, his kids, friends, and family are important to him, he has hobbies, etc., lots of responsibilities at work (president of a company with 6 locations around the US). I get all that. But what’s your take on the mixed messages? I’ve never known a guy who is as attentive and affectionate with someone who he just considers a friend…. If you’re not ready/interested in a relationship right now…. If a relationship isn’t a priority with everything else going on in your life, then what’s with all the affection? Interesting too that when we “reconnect” after weeks of not seeing each other, he asks why I’m so standoffish as he’s laughing and pulling me close for a kiss…And again, this isn’t when we’re at my place, but out in public…


Yep...this is exactly what I'm talking about in terms of mixed messages. And I think what I'm concluding is that when you are out of sight, you are out of mind. From what I'm hearing from the guys, the kissing and holding hands and cuddling and things that we women interpret as something resembling affection-maybe-leading-to-love - is mostly just physical for them. What. A. Bummer. 

And yet...maybe when I get over my disappointment I can feel liberated by it because I will know it means NOTHING. But if THAT means nothing, what does? How do you know when a man really thinks your special?


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

Ha! Maybe because I was in relationship/marriage so long without much affection, I just don't know what "normal" guys are like???


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Which leads to MY question...WTF?? :scratchhead: WHY do they do that?


Simple, they are just doing what it takes to get some. Same as women just putting out to get what they want like money or gifts.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Simple, they are just doing what it takes to get some. Same as women just putting out to get what they want like money or gifts.


Honesty! Thank you!


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> Why wouldn't they? Hopefully, they like and respect you. They just don't want more. I think the better question is :why don't we women* listen* when they tell us they are unavailable?


I wish you were right but don't be naive. You are perpetuating the cycle of men like RD(no offense RD). If you don't want men to treat women that way then stop making excuses for them.
Same as men giving dic pics(god I sound like a broken record)...if women did not react positively then it wouldn't happen.

I am so not blaming women for the actions of men...the men are completely responsible for what they do. I just have no idea how to eloquently say it.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I wish you were right but don't be naive. You are perpetuating the cycle of men like RD(no offense RD). If you don't want men to treat women that way then stop making excuses for them.
> Same as men giving dic pics(god I sound like a broken record)...if women did not react positively then it wouldn't happen.
> 
> I am so not blaming women for the actions of men...the men are completely responsible for what they do. I just have no idea how to eloquently say it.


haha
you crack me up with your honesty!!


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> Simple, they are just doing what it takes to get some. Same as women just putting out to get what they want like money or gifts.


As much as i would like to raise my pitchfork in agreement, I do think it's more complicated than this. I have a FWB who recently started saying he really enjoys the intimacy between us. I freaked out a little. What did he mean? I asked him to define it, and it turned out that what he meant was he liked that we didn't just have sex but cuddled and talked and made each other laugh afterward too. AND...that is all. Not that he loved me, or that he saw a future for us or that he wanted to talk to me more often than the every three weeks that we do. He liked that we only saw each other every three weeks 'cause it made it more intense and enjoyable when we saw each other. 

And I think, reading Onmyown's story, that what he likes about FWB is that there is no responsibility with it. It is pure pleasure. No obligations to do or be any more than he is or wants to be. Which is why I pursued FWB to begin with as well. I was sick of "working" on relationship or feeling like I had to be or do anything. But...I would always prefer love to just f*cking. So with anything that has looked like more than just f*cking, that's where my mind goes. 

I have another FWB that I see on occasion that does no cuddling, kissing or caressing after sex. He talks about hockey and conspiracy theories until I can't stand it anymore and want to leave. I've never felt like our relationship is affectionate and I am okay with it just being sex. Looking back on things, I think not getting "mixed messages" from him has been pivotal in maintaining that emotional distance.

But having no emotional connection makes me lukewarm to him. I really don't care if I ever see him again. And now that I know what my every-three-weeks guy thinks, I have lost my enthusiasm for him as well. Knowing there is no possibility of love or relationship makes me indifferent and want to look for it (and sex) elsewhere.


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> Usually actions speak louder than words, arent we always told to pay attention to actions? I mean, if you arent emotionally available to someone, then it seems counter productive and confusing to treat them like you are...


No. Not when those actions are driven by endorphins and other chemicals. Those are not permanent. Those are transient. Sex feels good and drives a lot of afterglow behavior. But the real actions take place outside of that.

And ne, blue was a player, plain and simple. And a liar.


----------



## firebelly1

Fenix said:


> No. Not when those actions are driven by endorphins and other chemicals. Those are not permanent. Those are transient. Sex feels good and drives a lot of afterglow behavior. But the real actions take place outside of that.
> 
> And ne, blue was a player, plain and simple. And a liar.


That's what sounds most confusing to onmyown. He holds her hand in public. That isn't afterglow behavior. But the fact that he doesn't contact her in between times when he sees her suggests that he only thinks of her as a sex partner. I can see why she's confused.


----------



## Almostrecovered

just popping in for prurient curiosity- does anyone know if JellyBeans has gotten laid yet?


----------



## Fenix

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> Sorry for the long post. I’ve been lurking on TAM for a couple years now, posting occasionally. Been reading this thread a long time. Was married for 25 years, together with ex about 30 years, divorced now about 5 months (with 17 months of separation prior to the divorce). I’ve been particularly interested in the FWB conversations since I’ve been totally confused by the mixed messages I was (am…) receiving from a guy. Knew this guy back in junior and senior high school. We both separated around the same time and reconnected. His divorce was final about a year ago. He lived in another state up north, but was down here several times a month on business. He finally moved here earlier this year because his headquarters office is here. He did not move for me…. It has been rough on him because his kids (all grown) are all up north. He misses them a lot but still spends time with them.
> 
> We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about 19 months. It’s been an interesting and confusing relationship. I’m more ready for a relationship than he is. I acknowledge and accept that. He is extremely busy and travels a lot. The problem is the mixed messages he sends. We talked about a FWB relationship…. He said he likes me a lot and doesn’t necessarily want that type of a relationship. And I’m left thinking …well what kind of relationship do we have? I don’t define it as a FWB thing, because to me that’s a relationship mainly confined to the bedroom. It seems like more than just a “friendship.” We don’t see each other more than a few times a month…with schedules and what not, and we generally go out for dinner and drinks. He is extremely affectionate…. Which leads to mixed messages. When I am with this guy he hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand…all the things that were greatly lacking in my marriage. There is a lot of laughing when we are together. Although he is extremely attentive when we are together, it seems like an out-of-sight / out-of-mind kind of thing. I’ve tried to talk with him about it and how it makes me feel when we have a great time when we ‘re together, and then he kind of drops off the face of the earth and I don’t hear from him for weeks….not even a text.
> 
> Ok… so I know he is busy, his kids, friends, and family are important to him, he has hobbies, etc., lots of responsibilities at work (president of a company with 6 locations around the US). I get all that. But what’s your take on the mixed messages? I’ve never known a guy who is as attentive and affectionate with someone who he just considers a friend…. If you’re not ready/interested in a relationship right now…. If a relationship isn’t a priority with everything else going on in your life, then what’s with all the affection? Interesting too that when we “reconnect” after weeks of not seeing each other, he asks why I’m so standoffish as he’s laughing and pulling me close for a kiss…And again, this isn’t when we’re at my place, but out in public…


Common story. I have a friend who is in the same exact position. My guess? He has people like you in each of those six cities. Love the one you're with kind of scenario. The ball is in your court. Either move on or accept it.



OnMyOwnat50 said:


> Ha! Maybe because I was in relationship/marriage so long without much affection, I just don't know what "normal" guys are like???


 Very, very true. 



Another Planet said:


> I wish you were right but don't be naive. You are perpetuating the cycle of men like RD(no offense RD). If you don't want men to treat women that way then stop making excuses for them.
> Same as men giving dic pics(god I sound like a broken record)...if women did not react positively then it wouldn't happen.
> 
> I am so not blaming women for the actions of men...the men are completely responsible for what they do. I just have no idea how to eloquently say it.


What? This makes no sense. Men have every right to be FWBs as long as they are clear about that. Women have every right to say yes or no. I wasn't making excuses...there really is no reason to make excuses. RD can do what he wants. My only beef with him is how he objectifies them here...I have no idea of that is an internet persona or what.

Re the actions vs words, people say lots of stuff...and usually that stuff is to benefit them. So, that is when actions come into play. You tell me you love me? Fine, but I watch your actions...do they say that? You tell me you don't love me? OK, because there really isn't an upside to lying about that. Too many people only believe the words when it is positive but that is when you should be the most leery.


----------



## Another Planet

Fenix said:


> *Why wouldn't they? Hopefully, they like and respect you*. They just don't want more. I think the better question is :why don't we women* listen* when they tell us they are unavailable?


This is an excuse. 
If they liked and respected you then they wouldn't lead you on with lovey dovey treatment. Yeah sure they told you they don't want anything more but their actions say otherwise. It is like holding a carrot in front of a donkey and promising it there is more but instead walking it over a cliff. TRUST! Words are so confusing sometimes, they tell you one thing but don't mean it and you just want to believe it because it is what you ultimately want.

Dic pics...you know how many times I have heard "oh boys will be boys" or something along those lines concerning being objectified by disrespectful treatment such as this. 
Not that I care that some women say they don't want them but secretly they do. Such is human nature but being ignorant about it is no excuse to say it is different then what it is.


----------



## Arendt

I agree with AP on this. good post.

I posted a couple pics of Guatemalan and I for those who are in my friends list 

Going over to her house later this evening after she puts her boy to sleep so I can help her with her speech homework, and just generally see her. Can't wait. We spend a lot of time together.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Arendt said:


> I agree with AP on this. good post.
> 
> I posted a couple pics of Guatemalan and I for those who are in my friends list
> 
> Going over to her house later this evening after she puts her boy to sleep so I can help her with her speech homework, and just generally see her. Can't wait. We spend a lot of time together.


Arendt, she is SO PRETTY! :smthumbup:


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

"Common story. I have a friend who is in the same exact position. My guess? He has people like you in each of those six cities. Love the one you're with kind of scenario. The ball is in your court. Either move on or accept it."

I don't know how yet to respond to a specific quote.... but I thought the same thing and I asked him about that. He denied it of course. We got into a rather heated argument because I told him if he was sleeping with other women then I hope he had the decency to tell me so I could make an informed decision moving forward. He responded that he has had sex with two other women in the past two years.... one he had told me about previously...said he didn't pursue that relationship because she had young kids and he didn't want to deal with that... Don't know a thing about the other woman or when he last saw her or how often he sees her. I brought the topic up for health reasons only....not because I had any thoughts along the lines of "it's me and only me, and if it's not move along..." 

I was/am just trying to understand the dynamics of relationships these days since I am just jumping into dating again. I'm beginning to understand my girlfriends and other female acquaintances when I hear things like I'm never marrying again, never dating again, whatever. There are too many games. And some of the stuff I have been reading is really disheartening... so many do's, so many don'ts. Don't text too much, don't make it too obvious you're interested, let them do the chasing... It all sounds like a big game. 

And I don't think the "relationship" has been all about sex either. We've gone out many times without sex being involved. He says he just enjoys "hanging" with me....


----------



## firebelly1

Fenix;10548498} said:


> What? This makes no sense. Men have every right to be FWBs as long as they are clear about that. Women have every right to say yes or no. I wasn't making excuses...there really is no reason to make excuses. RD can do what he wants. My only beef with him is how he objectifies them here...I have no idea of that is an internet persona or what.
> 
> Re the actions vs words, people say lots of stuff...and usually that stuff is to benefit them. So, that is when actions come into play. You tell me you love me? Fine, but I watch your actions...do they say that? You tell me you don't love me? OK, because there really isn't an upside to lying about that. Too many people only believe the words when it is positive but that is when you should be the most leery.


But that's the thing...if they say they just want to be FWB but act "lovey dovey" as AP put it, that sends mixed messages. You have a right to be FWB, but be aware that affectionate touch is or can be interpreted as more than FWB. It seems some guys aren't aware of this? AP seems to be aware of it.


----------



## firebelly1

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> "Common story. I have a friend who is in the same exact position. My guess? He has people like you in each of those six cities. Love the one you're with kind of scenario. The ball is in your court. Either move on or accept it."
> 
> I don't know how yet to respond to a specific quote.... but I thought the same thing and I asked him about that. He denied it of course. We got into a rather heated argument because I told him if he was sleeping with other women then I hope he had the decency to tell me so I could make an informed decision moving forward. He responded that he has had sex with two other women in the past two years.... one he had told me about previously...said he didn't pursue that relationship because she had young kids and he didn't want to deal with that... Don't know a thing about the other woman or when he last saw her or how often he sees her. I brought the topic up for health reasons only....not because I had any thoughts along the lines of "it's me and only me, and if it's not move along..."
> 
> I was/am just trying to understand the dynamics of relationships these days since I am just jumping into dating again. I'm beginning to understand my girlfriends and other female acquaintances when I hear things like I'm never marrying again, never dating again, whatever. There are too many games. And some of the stuff I have been reading is really disheartening... so many do's, so many don'ts. Don't text too much, don't make it too obvious you're interested, let them do the chasing... It all sounds like a big game.
> 
> And I don't think the "relationship" has been all about sex either. We've gone out many times without sex being involved. He says he just enjoys "hanging" with me....


I feel for you. It does seem to be a big game at times. 

"Hanging" with you makes you sound like a f*ck buddy. Not a romantic interest. 

So...he has shown you the level of relationship he wants and is willing to invest in. And now you get to decide if this is enough for you. For me the hard part would be wondering if it could grow into more than it is now. If you want more, is it worth sticking around to see if it could be more? I don't know the answer to that. 

If he is seeing another woman or more than one, does that work for you? Is it truly, only the STD aspect of things that makes you want to know? If he said he were seeing other women, would you want to keep seeing him? Gotta be honest with yourself on this one.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I agree with AP on this. good post.
> 
> I posted a couple pics of Guatemalan and I for those who are in my friends list
> 
> Going over to her house later this evening after she puts her boy to sleep so I can help her with her speech homework, and just generally see her. Can't wait. We spend a lot of time together.


Arendt, I was NOT expecting the white man dreads! lol

But seriously, you guys make a really cute couple, and you look really happy. Cheers!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> "Common story. I have a friend who is in the same exact position. My guess? He has people like you in each of those six cities. Love the one you're with kind of scenario. The ball is in your court. Either move on or accept it."
> 
> I don't know how yet to respond to a specific quote.... but I thought the same thing and I asked him about that. He denied it of course. We got into a rather heated argument because I told him if he was sleeping with other women then I hope he had the decency to tell me so I could make an informed decision moving forward. He responded that he has had sex with two other women in the past two years.... one he had told me about previously...said he didn't pursue that relationship because she had young kids and he didn't want to deal with that... Don't know a thing about the other woman or when he last saw her or how often he sees her. I brought the topic up for health reasons only....not because I had any thoughts along the lines of "it's me and only me, and if it's not move along..."
> 
> I was/am just trying to understand the dynamics of relationships these days since I am just jumping into dating again. I'm beginning to understand my girlfriends and other female acquaintances when I hear things like I'm never marrying again, never dating again, whatever. There are too many games. And some of the stuff I have been reading is really disheartening... *so many do's, so many don'ts. Don't text too much, don't make it too obvious you're interested, let them do the chasing... It all sounds like a big game.
> *
> And I don't think the "relationship" has been all about sex either. We've gone out many times without sex being involved. He says he just enjoys "hanging" with me....



You have for sure been put into the FWB only zone with this guy. Its up to you to decide if that works for you or not, just have zero expectations when it comes to this one. THAT is the key to the whole dating nightmare...DOES THIS WORK FOR ME? And just remember that every situation is unique, so there really is no set rules as what I bolded above. Example...The last guy I dated needed things to be super slow, so I had to pull waaayy back and ease up...not text all the time, not ask for a lot of time together. And now, the guy I am currently involved with is crazy about me and knows he wants something serious (as do I) so things are running along pretty quickly and we are both happy with that and communicating openly about everything.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Almostrecovered said:


> just popping in for prurient curiosity- does anyone know if JellyBeans has gotten laid yet?


This is the most important question of the day


----------



## Dollystanford

I thought she had but was being v ladylike about it and not going into graphic detail *disappointed face*


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

Thanks for the responses. Interesting. I was the one that first broached the subject of a FWB-relationship, figuring I wasn't going to get much more than that from him. And I do really enjoy spending time with him, however infrequently. He actually got angry with me... first time I had seen him angry. His response... "That's not something I'm looking for and not something I'm particularly interested in. I like you a lot." Hence all the confusion on my part.


----------



## Almostrecovered

Dollystanford said:


> I thought she had but was being v ladylike about it and not going into graphic detail *disappointed face*



I'm steaming that she didn't PM me within 5 minutes of the act


----------



## 3Xnocharm

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> Thanks for the responses. Interesting. I was the one that first broached the subject of a FWB-relationship, figuring I wasn't going to get much more than that from him. And I do really enjoy spending time with him, however infrequently. He actually got angry with me... first time I had seen him angry. His response... "That's not something I'm looking for and not something I'm particularly interested in. I like you a lot." Hence all the confusion on my part.


Ooh, he didnt like it being told like it is!


----------



## Almostrecovered

Dollystanford said:


> I thought she had but was being v ladylike about it and not going into graphic detail *disappointed face*



she didn't spill the jellybeans?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Almostrecovered said:
> 
> 
> 
> just popping in for prurient curiosity- does anyone know if JellyBeans has gotten laid yet?
> 
> 
> 
> This is the most important question of the day
Click to expand...

Yes she has lol


----------



## Almostrecovered

well at least I am relieved that her vagina won't seal shut


----------



## Dollystanford

Reported


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> No. Not when those actions are driven by endorphins and other chemicals. Those are not permanent. Those are transient. Sex feels good and drives a lot of afterglow behavior. But the real actions take place outside of that.
> 
> And ne, blue was a player, plain and simple. And a liar.


Hmmm, my first instict was to deny that he is a player. But I will have to agree with you, even though it is a bit disconcerting to know he just wanted to get his dic wet. Ugh 



Arendt said:


> I agree with AP on this. good post.
> 
> I posted a couple pics of Guatemalan and I for those who are in my friends list
> 
> Going over to her house later this evening after she puts her boy to sleep so I can help her with her speech homework, and just generally see her. Can't wait. We spend a lot of time together.


'

You look wonderful together!! She is absolutely gorgeous!!
Very happy for you both, you have done well


----------



## Almostrecovered

Dollystanford said:


> Reported


don't be jelly of jellybeans


----------



## Fenix

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> "Common story. I have a friend who is in the same exact position. My guess? He has people like you in each of those six cities. Love the one you're with kind of scenario. The ball is in your court. Either move on or accept it."
> 
> I don't know how yet to respond to a specific quote.... but I thought the same thing and I asked him about that. He denied it of course. We got into a rather heated argument because I told him if he was sleeping with other women then I hope he had the decency to tell me so I could make an informed decision moving forward. He responded that he has had sex with two other women in the past two years.... one he had told me about previously...said he didn't pursue that relationship because she had young kids and he didn't want to deal with that... Don't know a thing about the other woman or when he last saw her or how often he sees her. I brought the topic up for health reasons only....not because I had any thoughts along the lines of "it's me and only me, and if it's not move along..."
> 
> I was/am just trying to understand the dynamics of relationships these days since I am just jumping into dating again. I'm beginning to understand my girlfriends and other female acquaintances when I hear things like I'm never marrying again, never dating again, whatever. There are too many games. And some of the stuff I have been reading is really disheartening... so many do's, so many don'ts. Don't text too much, don't make it too obvious you're interested, let them do the chasing... It all sounds like a big game.
> 
> And I don't think the "relationship" has been all about sex either. We've gone out many times without sex being involved. He says he just enjoys "hanging" with me....


It does all sound like a game. You can choose to play or not. What I mean by that is you can just be yourself and set your boundaries, being honest and straightforward with your dates, or you can play. I like the first approach. 

My friend is just as confused as you. All I can say is know yourself and if this isn't satisfying to you, move on.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> But that's the thing...if they say they just want to be FWB but act "lovey dovey" as AP put it, that sends mixed messages. You have a right to be FWB, but be aware that affectionate touch is or can be interpreted as more than FWB. It seems some guys aren't aware of this? AP seems to be aware of it.


Since when do affectionate touches mean love and not just friendship? I think many are aware of the possible interpretation, which is why they *say* they are not available.

Maybe I am too 'mental' about this. I just don't get why someone would interpret those touches as possible love when they are told repeatedly that it is not that. That is wishful thinking, not reality.


Ne, that is on him, not you. He was good, very good. *hugs*


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

Fenix said:


> It does all sound like a game. You can choose to play or not. What I mean by that is you can just be yourself and set your boundaries, being honest and straightforward with your dates, or you can play. I like the first approach.
> 
> My friend is just as confused as you. All I can say is know yourself and if this isn't satisfying to you, move on.



A month or so ago I was thinking along the lines of I'll enjoy it while it lasts. A week or so ago, I decided I was done....or at least taking a break from him. I haven't talked with him since Saturday morning. Maybe this will turn into a long-term thing. I've stopped all communication before, but then he starts things up again.... and most (but not all) times, I make time for him. Hope I'll be stronger next time I hear from him. My brain tells me that he does care about me; I just don't fit into his plans right now, most of which revolve around doing what he can to be in a position to retire five years from now... So, I'm back on Match.... to see where that goes.


----------



## Arendt

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> A month or so ago I was thinking along the lines of I'll enjoy it while it lasts. A week or so ago, I decided I was done....or at least taking a break from him. I haven't talked with him since Saturday morning. Maybe this will turn into a long-term thing. I've stopped all communication before, but then he starts things up again.... and most (but not all) times, I make time for him. Hope I'll be stronger next time I hear from him. My brain tells me that he does care about me; I just don't fit into his plans right now, most of which revolve around doing what he can to be in a position to retire five years from now... So, I'm back on Match.... to see where that goes.


Cutting contact, on again off again, poor communication: sounds like a dysfunctional relationship.


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

Arendt said:


> Cutting contact, on again off again, poor communication: sounds like a dysfunctional relationship.


Yes it does!


----------



## firebelly1

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> Thanks for the responses. Interesting. I was the one that first broached the subject of a FWB-relationship, figuring I wasn't going to get much more than that from him. And I do really enjoy spending time with him, however infrequently. He actually got angry with me... first time I had seen him angry. His response... "That's not something I'm looking for and not something I'm particularly interested in. I like you a lot." Hence all the confusion on my part.


Oh geez. So...then...? Do you want it to just be FWB or not? And if not...if you would like more, what does "more" look like to you? Sounds like at the very least you would like to communicate more often. If he really means that he likes you a lot and is insulted by the suggestion of FWB, then maybe asking if the two of you could communicate more often wouldn't be outside the realm of reasonableness. And define what "more often" is and what kind of communication - texting? Calls?


----------



## firebelly1

Fenix said:


> Since when do affectionate touches mean love and not just friendship? I think many are aware of the possible interpretation, which is why they *say* they are not available.
> 
> Maybe I am too 'mental' about this. I just don't get why someone would interpret those touches as possible love when they are told repeatedly that it is not that. That is wishful thinking, not reality.
> 
> 
> Ne, that is on him, not you. He was good, very good. *hugs*


I don't kiss my friends tenderly on the mouth with my tongue. I don't lie in bed with my friends and caress their naked bodies / genitals. I don't hold hands with my friends. So..."affectionate touch" with my friends is different than affectionate touch with my lovers. 

And...I'm not told repeatedly. That may be part of the point. I was told in the beginning, once. NOW he's saying he thinks about me "naked and not"; that he likes the "intimacy" between us. Or other guy tells me he just wants sex once when we first met, but then cuddles with me after sex and invites me to stay the night. I feel like I have to at least check in because to me, that isn't "just sex." I've never had a FWB tell me more than once that that is what he wants.


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

firebelly1 said:


> Oh geez. So...then...? Do you want it to just be FWB or not? And if not...if you would like more, what does "more" look like to you? Sounds like at the very least you would like to communicate more often. If he really means that he likes you a lot and is insulted by the suggestion of FWB, then maybe asking if the two of you could communicate more often wouldn't be outside the realm of reasonableness. And define what "more often" is and what kind of communication - texting? Calls?


I thought I would be OK with a FWB relationship, but since I'd never been in one, who knows. His response and the way he acts when we are together, made me think he wanted more. At a minimum, the communication had to improve. He had gotten better about responding to texts... not too much with initiating texts. Seems to text more when he is out of town... but what I decided about a week ago was that I did want more, told him the "relationship" was too one-sided for me. I've always been honest with him... some would say I don't have much of a filter.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> And ne, blue was a player, plain and simple. And a liar.


So I am thinking about this and getting quite angry.
I had decided to go the no contact route with Blue. However, that statement (I believe it is true) is getting me extremely angry.

I composed a letter of sorts for Blue, would you read it and give me your opinions?
Not sure if I will send it as text (I found his number) or not. 
I am almost 100% sold on the idea of sending it. I do not expect to hear from him, but I want him to know how I feel.

"People like me swing themselves from one passion to another. The short time we shared got me on a good footing to start fresh. However, never in 100 years would I have thought that you were married. 
I was utterly shocked when I found out, I wrongly assumed that you were single or at the very least divorced. Hindsight, your behavior makes perfect sense now. 
Being involved in an affair, even if unknown to me, is a crushing feeling to my soul. 
Congrats to you, you played me really well. Not in the sense that you whispered "sweet nothings" or promised the world, but in the sense that you knew I was easy to deceive. I once told you that I would remember you fondly, this is not longer the case. You once told me you did not want me to think of you as a liar: this is the case. 
However, as I said before, I swing from one passion to another fairly quick."

So, opinions please?


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> So I am thinking about this and getting quite angry.
> I had decided to go the no contact route with Blue. However, that statement (I believe it is true) is getting me extremely angry.
> 
> I composed a letter of sorts for Blue, would you read it and give me your opinions?
> Not sure if I will send it as text (I found his number) or not.
> I am almost 100% sold on the idea of sending it. I do not expect to hear from him, but I want him to know how I feel.
> 
> "People like me swing themselves from one passion to another. The short time we shared got me on a good footing to start fresh. However, never in 100 years would I have thought that you were married.
> I was utterly shocked when I found out, I wrongly assumed that you were single or at the very least divorced. Hindsight, your behavior makes perfect sense now.
> Being involved in an affair, even if unknown to me, is a crushing feeling to my soul.
> Congrats to you, you played me really well. Not in the sense that you whispered "sweet nothings" or promised the world, but in the sense that you knew I was easy to deceive. I once told you that I would remember you fondly, this is not longer the case. You once told me you did not want me to think of you as a liar: this is the case.
> However, as I said before, I swing from one passion to another fairly quick."
> 
> So, opinions please?


Somehow I feel if you contact him at all, you lose and he wins. But in my fantasy you simply say: "Your wife looks like a really nice person." Leave him shaking in his boots wondering if you're going to contact her.

The way you've written your letter makes you sound a little pathetic. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Somehow I feel if you contact him at all, you lose and he wins. But in my fantasy you simply say: "Your wife looks like a really nice person." Leave him shaking in his boots wondering if you're going to contact her.
> 
> The way you've written your letter makes you sound a little pathetic. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt you.


Thanks! See, I would have never thought the letter I wrote sounded pathetic. Different perspectives are great!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dont send a letter. Just let it go.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Dont send a letter. Just let it go.


I will not make any promises, but I will do my best to let it go


----------



## whitehawk

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> "Common story. I have a friend who is in the same exact position. My guess? He has people like you in each of those six cities. Love the one you're with kind of scenario. The ball is in your court. Either move on or accept it."
> 
> I don't know how yet to respond to a specific quote.... but I thought the same thing and I asked him about that. He denied it of course. We got into a rather heated argument because I told him if he was sleeping with other women then I hope he had the decency to tell me so I could make an informed decision moving forward. He responded that he has had sex with two other women in the past two years.... one he had told me about previously...said he didn't pursue that relationship because she had young kids and he didn't want to deal with that... Don't know a thing about the other woman or when he last saw her or how often he sees her. I brought the topic up for health reasons only....not because I had any thoughts along the lines of "it's me and only me, and if it's not move along..."
> 
> I was/am just trying to understand the dynamics of relationships these days since I am just jumping into dating again. I'm beginning to understand my girlfriends and other female acquaintances when I hear things like I'm never marrying again, never dating again, whatever. There are too many games. And some of the stuff I have been reading is really disheartening... so many do's, so many don'ts. Don't text too much, don't make it too obvious you're interested, let them do the chasing... It all sounds like a big game.
> 
> And I don't think the "relationship" has been all about sex either. We've gone out many times without sex being involved. He says he just enjoys "hanging" with me....


Though , l've found the women out just as fickle and confusing don't worry. When l was on my date site , l just could not believe the sorta stuff , thinking and crap l was coming across , over and over and over.
l think like most things , it really goes both ways tbh.
Though l dunno if date sites are a good thing to go by , RL has been a little bit better but not by much in some ways. Much better in others though. .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> So I am thinking about this and getting quite angry.
> I had decided to go the no contact route with Blue. However, that statement (I believe it is true) is getting me extremely angry.
> 
> I composed a letter of sorts for Blue, would you read it and give me your opinions?
> Not sure if I will send it as text (I found his number) or not.
> I am almost 100% sold on the idea of sending it. I do not expect to hear from him, but I want him to know how I feel.
> 
> "People like me swing themselves from one passion to another. The short time we shared got me on a good footing to start fresh. However, never in 100 years would I have thought that you were married.
> I was utterly shocked when I found out, I wrongly assumed that you were single or at the very least divorced. Hindsight, your behavior makes perfect sense now.
> Being involved in an affair, even if unknown to me, is a crushing feeling to my soul.
> Congrats to you, you played me really well. Not in the sense that you whispered "sweet nothings" or promised the world, but in the sense that you knew I was easy to deceive. I once told you that I would remember you fondly, this is not longer the case. You once told me you did not want me to think of you as a liar: this is the case.
> However, as I said before, I swing from one passion to another fairly quick."
> 
> So, opinions please?


If it makes you feel better, you could send it. But it will fall on deaf ears. If anything it will just make him feel more satisfied with the deception and the power he had over you for that period of time. Sending a text just shows him you've been obsessing over him. In addition to sex, that's what people like him want. Actually, I think sex is not the top priority, power and control is. And you are not the primary target. Most likely his wife is. It's better to lose the number, I think.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If it makes you feel better, you could send it. But it will fall on deaf ears. If anything it will just make him feel more satisfied with the deception and the power he had over you for that period of time. Sending a text just shows him you've been obsessing over him. In addition to sex, that's what people like him want. Actually, I think sex is not the top priority, power and control is. And you are not the primary target. Most likely his wife is. It's better to lose the number, I think.


This.

And why keep the yo-yo back and forth relationship you have with him going? That's all sending a letter would do.


----------



## whitehawk

Decided to zap this one for the most part as really , l am just so on the fence about blue, probably best to just keep my mouth shut .


----------



## ne9907

I went out with co workers to celebrate a birthday. I am afraid I had too much sake ( I love it!) downside? I texted him. 
I learned how to take a photo of a text convo but his number is showing and don't know how to edit it. Here is the transcript 

Me: I found out you were married the entire time. I should have asked you. Actually I have a terrible habit of assuming things, since I assumed you were single. I am a bit disappointed but it shall pass. That is all. 

Blue: yes we are technically still married but have been separated for over a year. Yes you do, you assume the worst of me first without asking me. 


I haven't replied, not sure if I will. Maybe I will when I get drunk again.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> Yep - I had this conversation with another guy recently who thought he was just FWB but the woman seems to think it's something else. He was kissing, cuddling, and caressing her after sex. We women take that to mean that you want more than just sex. FYI everybody.


>.<

So it seems to keep FWBs from getting all emo on me, I would have to bible-bash harder with "thou shalt NOT develop lovey dovey feelings" no?

I think I bible-bashed FWB enough however - I hope!



3Xnocharm said:


> Which leads to MY question...WTF?? :scratchhead: WHY do they do that?


Because tis nice!


----------



## whitehawk

Wonder if he was sep ne , does seem somem didn't add up on the married thing.

RD l remember saying somewhere a few mths back , feelings usually develop in that stuff and hey. it is called making love after all not fwb :rofl: 
Maybe you gotta kickem out like the dog afterwards , wouldn't know. Think the closest l ever came to that stuff was one nighters just after parties and stuff. Pure just want her , that's all.
Or gf's that weren't working out , just gotta play with them a little longer before we split.


----------



## whitehawk

Why would a girl obviously dress when l was coming over and act interested, She even use to clean up the house and of load the kids , fuss a lot for hours before , her daughter told me , don't ya love kids. Often say how she loved being around me and a few other things, yet the minute l put my arm around her or any touch in some small way , she quickly avoided, like dart off to the side and acted as if she was doing something else ?
At the time l did like her and sorta thought we might get something going but after a couple of those l though oh yeah and left it be.
We just sorta somehow wound up hooking up at the time after bumping into each other and l had some big stuff going on which she helped me with and vise verse . We spent a fair bit of time together or else would often text 1/2 the night and usually through the day most days too.
lt was basically for the most part you could almost say a relationship without the relationship bc after those few tries l never went there again . 
We are still in touch a lot but when l started seeing T , she weirded out a lot and things aren't the same anymore .
Which makes me wonder even moreso then actually , if she's weird on me with someone else how come she was like that before when we had a ton of chances.

lt's just related to someone l spent time with 6mths back and that one l'm helping out now. Known her a few yrs back to when l was married, ex knows her to.
And it also to something yrs ago l still wonder about and if l was used back then and maybe that's what this ones game is .
l know people say it doesn't matter but hey but l'd like to understand this .


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I went out with co workers to celebrate a birthday. I am afraid I had too much sake ( I love it!) downside? I texted him.
> I learned how to take a photo of a text convo but his number is showing and don't know how to edit it. Here is the transcript
> 
> Me: I found out you were married the entire time. * I should have asked you. Actually I have a terrible habit of assuming things, since I assumed you were single. *I am a bit disappointed but it shall pass. That is all.
> 
> Blue: yes we are technically still married but have been separated for over a year. Yes you do, you assume the worst of me first without asking me.
> 
> 
> I haven't replied, not sure if I will. Maybe I will when I get drunk again.


Do not reply. I was on the fence about the letter, but now it is a moot point. He is a liar. At the very least, a liar by omission. He should have told you he was separated...even if you did not ask. He didn't because he wasn't sure of your reaction and wanted some fun. Your text struck me that you accepted the blame. STOP THAT!

If his wife ever contacts you, you owe her the truth.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Why would a girl obviously dress when l was coming over and act interested, She even use to clean up the house and of load the kids , fuss a lot for hours before , her daughter told me , don't ya love kids. Often say how she loved being around me and a few other things, yet the minute l put my arm around her or any touch in some small way , she quickly avoided, like dart off to the side and acted as if she was doing something else ?
> At the time l did like her and sorta thought we might get something going but after a couple of those l though oh yeah and left it be.
> We just sorta somehow wound up hooking up at the time after bumping into each other and l had some big stuff going on which she helped me with and vise verse . We spent a fair bit of time together or else would often text 1/2 the night and usually through the day most days too.
> lt was basically for the most part you could almost say a relationship without the relationship bc after those few tries l never went there again .
> We are still in touch a lot but when l started seeing T , she weirded out a lot and things aren't the same anymore .
> Which makes me wonder even moreso then actually , if she's weird on me with someone else how come she was like that before when we had a ton of chances.
> 
> lt's just related to someone l spent time with 6mths back and that one l'm helping out now. Known her a few yrs back to when l was married, ex knows her to.
> And it also to something yrs ago l still wonder about and if l was used back then and maybe that's what this ones game is .
> l know people say it doesn't matter but hey but l'd like to understand this .


Sounds like she isn't emotionally available. I would just let it go if I were you.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I went out with co workers to celebrate a birthday. I am afraid I had too much sake ( I love it!) downside? I texted him.
> I learned how to take a photo of a text convo but his number is showing and don't know how to edit it. Here is the transcript
> 
> Me: I found out you were married the entire time. I should have asked you. Actually I have a terrible habit of assuming things, since I assumed you were single. I am a bit disappointed but it shall pass. That is all.
> 
> Blue: yes we are technically still married but have been separated for over a year. Yes you do, you assume the worst of me first without asking me.
> 
> 
> I haven't replied, not sure if I will. Maybe I will when I get drunk again.


 smh NE wouldn't you want a less dysfunctional relationship or do you like being in this type of situation?


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Wonder if he was sep ne , does seem somem didn't add up on the married thing.
> 
> RD l remember saying somewhere a few mths back , feelings usually develop in that stuff and hey. it is called making love after all not fwb :rofl:
> Maybe you gotta kickem out like the dog afterwards , wouldn't know. Think the closest l ever came to that stuff was one nighters just after parties and stuff. Pure just want her , that's all.
> Or gf's that weren't working out , just gotta play with them a little longer before we split.


Well, FWB got promoted from FB by earning my trust that she can keep her emos in check, hence I don't really hold back anymore with all the cuddles and stuff

Thankfully she seems to be fine thus far, though her comment made me a bit weary


----------



## RandomDude

Fenix said:


> Do not reply. I was on the fence about the letter, but now it is a moot point. He is a liar. At the very least, a liar by omission. He should have told you he was separated...even if you did not ask. He didn't because he wasn't sure of your reaction and wanted some fun. Your text struck me that you accepted the blame. STOP THAT!
> 
> If his wife ever contacts you, you owe her the truth.


=/

I actually understand him, the thing is should we men truly be held responsible for not letting our FBs/FWBs/dates know everything?

He isn't exactly cheating, nor was he dating Ne

Regardless Ne has to let go!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> I actually understand him, *the thing is should we men truly be held responsible for not letting our FBs/FWBs/dates know everything?*
> 
> He isn't exactly cheating, nor was he dating Ne
> 
> Regardless Ne has to let go!


About your actual marital status? *YES!* Anything less is lying.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> smh NE wouldn't you want a less dysfunctional relationship or do you like being in this type of situation?


I definitely do not like being in this type of situation. I dont know AP, I want a loving relationship. 
The drama is weird, perhaps I attract liars and cheaters because deep inside that is what I think I deserve.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Why would a girl obviously dress when l was coming over and act interested, She even use to clean up the house and of load the kids , fuss a lot for hours before , her daughter told me , don't ya love kids. Often say how she loved being around me and a few other things, yet the minute l put my arm around her or any touch in some small way , she quickly avoided, like dart off to the side and acted as if she was doing something else ?
> At the time l did like her and sorta thought we might get something going but after a couple of those l though oh yeah and left it be.
> We just sorta somehow wound up hooking up at the time after bumping into each other and l had some big stuff going on which she helped me with and vise verse . We spent a fair bit of time together or else would often text 1/2 the night and usually through the day most days too.
> lt was basically for the most part you could almost say a relationship without the relationship bc after those few tries l never went there again .
> We are still in touch a lot but when l started seeing T , she weirded out a lot and things aren't the same anymore .
> Which makes me wonder even moreso then actually , if she's weird on me with someone else how come she was like that before when we had a ton of chances.
> 
> lt's just related to someone l spent time with 6mths back and that one l'm helping out now. Known her a few yrs back to when l was married, ex knows her to.
> And it also to something yrs ago l still wonder about and if l was used back then and maybe that's what this ones game is .
> l know people say it doesn't matter but hey but l'd like to understand this .


Is this the lady you are helping financially?

Do you know if she has any history of sexual abuse? That could be one of the reasons she moves away from your touch.

Or perhaps she really sees you as a friend. Just a friend.
I think she has put you on the friendzone


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> Me: I found out you were married the entire time. I should have asked you. Actually I have a terrible habit of assuming things, since I assumed you were single. I am a bit disappointed but it shall pass. That is all.
> 
> Blue: yes we are technically still married but have been separated for over a year. Yes you do, you assume the worst of me first without asking me.


You took the blame and now he is claiming victim status. See that? You're now the bad guy for assuming he was single. A$$HOLE


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> >.<
> 
> So it seems to keep FWBs from getting all emo on me, I would have to bible-bash harder with "thou shalt NOT develop lovey dovey feelings" no?


No - you put your actions where your words are and don't ACT like you're lovey dovey with cuddling, caressing and tender kisses. F*ck her, and then get out. If you're laying in bed together, talk, but don't do it with your arm around her.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> You took the blame and now he is claiming victim status. See that? You're now the bad guy for assuming he was single. A$$HOLE


Yes, yes, yes. This is the dance of a narcissist.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> No - you put your actions where your words are and don't ACT like you're lovey dovey with cuddling, caressing and tender kisses. F*ck her, and then get out. If you're laying in bed together, talk, but don't do it with your arm around her.


Or maybe, if the thought of getting emo is so horrifying to RD, he should just keep it in his pants...or go to a professional.

In normal FWB relationships, I would say you are responsible for your own emotions. if you can't handle it, don't do it. What was described above seems more like a FB or ONS.


----------



## ne9907

ne9907 said:


> Me: I found out you were married the entire time. I should have asked you. Actually I have a terrible habit of assuming things, since I assumed you were single. I am a bit disappointed but it shall pass. That is all.
> 
> Blue: yes we are technically still married but have been separated for over a year. *Yes you do, you assume the worst of me first without asking me.*
> .





firebelly1 said:


> You took the blame and now he is claiming victim status. See that? You're now the bad guy for assuming he was single. A$$HOLE


I took the blame becasue I was taught to be responsible for my own actions. I do see how he is claiming victim status. 



Fenix said:


> Do not reply. I was on the fence about the letter, but now it is a moot point. He is a liar. At the very least, a liar by omission. He should have told you he was separated...even if you did not ask. He didn't because he wasn't sure of your reaction and wanted some fun. Your text struck me that you accepted the blame. STOP THAT!
> 
> If his wife ever contacts you, you owe her the truth.


Yep, absolutely.
ALso, you guys need to have patience with me. From the age of 22 to 36 years old, I was manipulated by ex. I was conditioned to believe his dubious behavior. It is difficult sometimes to gauge a person's true behavior. 
For example, the letter I wrote yesterday, seemed perfectly fine to me. I never read the pity underneath it.


----------



## firebelly1

Fenix said:


> Or maybe, if the thought of getting emo is so horrifying to RD, he should just keep it in his pants...or go to a professional.
> 
> In normal FWB relationships, I would say you are responsible for your own emotions. if you can't handle it, don't do it. What was described above seems more like a FB or ONS.


What is FB vs FWB? Agreed on the RD learning to deal...

Yeah...I get that you are responsible for your own feelings. It's easier for me to keep my feelings in check if I'm not getting what I think are mixed messages from my FWB. Sounds like you wouldn't interpret tender kisses and hand-holding as a "mixed message." I would. Based on those things I would wonder if he has now changed his mind about our arrangement just being FWB.

Knowing that, if I decided to pursue FWB again maybe I should be clear about that up front - easier for me not to develop feelings if we don't have affectionate touch. But really for me I've realized I WANT for there to be feelings with the person I'm having sex with, so FWB probably isn't going to work for me in the long run.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> I took the blame becasue I was taught to be responsible for my own actions. I do see how he is claiming victim status.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, absolutely.
> ALso, you guys need to have patience with me. From the age of 22 to 36 years old, I was manipulated by ex. I was conditioned to believe his dubious behavior. It is difficult sometimes to gauge a person's true behavior.
> For example, the letter I wrote yesterday, seemed perfectly fine to me. I never read the pity underneath it.


Not trying to beat you up Ne - really trying to help you see your patterns (and the patterns of others who will take advantage of you). And the reason I can see them is 'cause I've been there myself. 

The problem with taking responsibility for our actions is that sometimes we take on ALL the responsibility for a situation. In your text to him you are assigning all the blame to yourself and not making him step up to his. In a situation where you should be angry at the other person, you have turned the anger inward toward yourself. Because girls aren't supposed to get angry.


----------



## movealong

So, art teacher fell through, but as it was falling through a new one popped up. So, we'll see what happens.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> About your actual marital status? *YES!* Anything less is lying.


Yes I guess I'm inclined to agree with you, still, honestly from what I've seen many men won't be so straight forward and a woman should not count on their initiative but to ask.



firebelly1 said:


> No - you put your actions where your words are and don't ACT like you're lovey dovey with cuddling, caressing and tender kisses. F*ck her, and then get out. If you're laying in bed together, talk, but don't do it with your arm around her.


That's a FB arrangement, and what I had with FB before she became a FWB. The difference is that we don't have all these FB rules anymore to prevent emo attachment - we did, but nowadays nope due to her having proven that she's capable of compartmentalising. So now she's a friend and we cuddle, caress, kiss and fk for fun lol

Still, it's not like I wasn't cuddly when we first met =/
Sure I was colder back then because I didn't trust her, but I always like to cuddle 

So I can't cuddle?


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Yes I guess I'm inclined to agree with you, still, honestly from what I've seen many men won't be so straight forward and a woman should not count on their initiative but to ask.
> 
> 
> 
> That's a FB arrangement, and what I had with FB before she became a FWB. The difference is that we don't have all these FB rules anymore to prevent emo attachment - we did, but nowadays nope due to her having proven that she's capable of compartmentalising. So now she's a friend and we cuddle, caress, kiss and fk for fun lol
> 
> Still, it's not like I wasn't cuddly when we first met =/
> Sure I was colder back then because I didn't trust her, but I always like to cuddle
> 
> So I can't cuddle?


Fenix seems to think you can cuddle without it meaning anything. I think cuddling can send the message that you have feelings for the person you're with. So maybe it's about communicating about that from the beginning. You being explicit that cuddling is just part of the FWB situation for you.

Oh geez. I just now got that FB is f*ck buddy and fwb is friends with benefits. I had no idea there was a distinction. I've been thinking they are the same. Which brings me back to a conclusion I made a while ago - every situation is different. You may say "I just want to be FWB" but you have to be clear about what that means to YOU. Sounds like to you FB means no cuddling but FWB does. Jesus. Nunnery sounds more and more appealing. Other than the no sex part.


----------



## Arendt

NE: I think it is good that you wanted to confront him. It shows that you wanted to stand up for yourself and not be a doormat. The letter you originally proposed, as others pointed out, was in a good spirit but perhaps a little too revealing and not confrontational about him. Then the text, you took blame in front of him. It is one thing to accept responsibility for yourself. You never asked him if he was married. Fine. That is on you. But that a$$hole didn't offer that information at any point? That is not right. You wanted to confront him, standing up for yourself somehow, saying, what you did was not right. I think that is a good thing. You should stand up for yourself.

He took the victim seat in the text back to you. Any further communication is likely to get your caught in a back and forth in which you both vie for that seat. Let him go. If you want to send anything else, be offensive (e.g., by the way, you had a small d!ck and I usually had to fake an orgasm...that is, go after his self-esteem and manhood) and immediately block his number with your phone company so he has no chance to reply. And let it go. Or send nothing else. But sticking up for yourself is fine.


----------



## samyeagar

firebelly1 said:


> Fenix seems to think you can cuddle without it meaning anything. I think cuddling can send the message that you have feelings for the person you're with. So maybe it's about communicating about that from the beginning. You being explicit that cuddling is just part of the FWB situation for you.
> 
> Oh geez. I just now got that FB is f*ck buddy and fwb is friends with benefits. I had no idea there was a distinction. I've been thinking they are the same. Which brings me back to a conclusion I made a while ago - every situation is different. You may say "I just want to be FWB" but you have to be clear about what that means to YOU. Sounds like to you FB means no cuddling but FWB does. Jesus. Nunnery sounds more and more appealing. Other than the no sex part.


Thank god I've never had to figure all this crap out...


----------



## Arendt

One more thing: I just think it is a good thing when yo uas a woman start to undo that conditioning to be subservient and take it when a man insults you and treats you badly. All those years of stuffing down your emotions, of holding back what you truly want to say, someday, it is good to take down the damn, and the let the waters flood. To fight back, to hit back, to strike back. Take your self-esteem back. Next time you confront a man like that, don't hold back. Don't be nice. Don't be cordial. Don't be deferential. Do not be a slave. 

Hit back. Talk back. That is your way out. So when I said go after his self-esteem...you know how that feels. You have had it done to you. He is the type to manipulate yours. The way you stop it is to fight back. You go after his: I hope you get pulled up into active duty and when you get over there, and you are bleeding out from one of those IEDs or a sniper's bullet that found your gut, I hope the last thing you think about as you lie dying is all the women you screwed over who hate your guts: and my words: nobody will miss you.

I am a pacifist. I am for peace. But I am also for liberation from every form of domination, for women standing up for themselves and breaking those kinds of chains that make you prone to predators like that POS. Talking back is definitely a good thing for somebody like you. It will help you to break the chain of subservience and conditioning you talked about NE. It sounds mean. It is mean. But it is mean with the purpose of taking--not asking or begging--for your self-esteem and your life back.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fenix said:


> Do not reply. I was on the fence about the letter, but now it is a moot point. He is a liar. At the very least, a liar by omission. He should have told you he was separated...even if you did not ask. He didn't because he wasn't sure of your reaction and wanted some fun. Your text struck me that you accepted the blame. STOP THAT!
> 
> If his wife ever contacts you, you owe her the truth.


Exactly what I was thinking and going to reply along the same lines!

YOU should have ASKED???? REALLY???? Would he have even told you the truth? He would have said no, he's not married and he would have thought that was close enough to the truth for him due to the separation (if THAT is even true).

HIS DECEPTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Now he's blame-shifting making you look like the bad guy with his comment about assuming the worst. How about he disappears off the face of the earth for weeks after that? 

I've wanted to get closure or the last word or some sort of final satisfaction, too. You don't get that; he gets the satisfaction were were drunk and pining over him.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Exactly what I was thinking and going to reply along the same lines!
> *
> YOU should have ASKED???? REALLY???? Would he have even told you the truth? * He would have said no, he's not married and he would have thought that was close enough to the truth for him due to the separation (if THAT is even true).
> 
> HIS DECEPTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Now he's blame-shifting making you look like the bad guy with his comment about assuming the worst. How about he disappears off the face of the earth for weeks after that?
> 
> I've wanted to get closure or the last word or some sort of final satisfaction, too. You don't get that; he gets the satisfaction were were drunk and pining over him.


No, he wouldn't have told the truth, even if you had asked back. I've unwittingly been the other woman (a LOOOONNNNGGGG time ago), and when I found out about it, and confronted/asked him, he continued to deny it, even though I had irrefutable proof. It was until MONTHS later, when we hadn't been in contact since I confronted him, I randomly ran into him with his wife at a bar (they had been engaged when he and I were seeing one another), that he introduced me to her.

I contemplated telling her, but I had long before decided I wasn't going to waste any more emotional energy on him. I didn't want to get dragged into it again, and telling her would have put me right smack in the middle of it. No way.


----------



## Lon

firebelly1 said:


> Fenix seems to think you can cuddle without it meaning anything. I think cuddling can send the message that you have feelings for the person you're with. So maybe it's about communicating about that from the beginning. You being explicit that cuddling is just part of the FWB situation for you.
> 
> Oh geez. I just now got that FB is f*ck buddy and fwb is friends with benefits. I had no idea there was a distinction. I've been thinking they are the same. Which brings me back to a conclusion I made a while ago - every situation is different. You may say "I just want to be FWB" but you have to be clear about what that means to YOU. Sounds like to you FB means no cuddling but FWB does. Jesus. Nunnery sounds more and more appealing. Other than the no sex part.


I'm on board with Fenix, I have no interest in just using a woman as a cmdumpster, I would only want women whom I can be at ease with, and enjoy all kinds of "intimate affection" which include sex, cuddling, kissing, and other quality time. But that doesn't mean I want them as a partner, it doesn't mean there has to be more or that it is any kind of long term commitment.

And absolutely you can be cuddle buddies without it meaning you want more or are sending mixed messages, in fact you can even hire a professional cuddler if that is an unfulfilled need in your life.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> NE: I think it is good that you wanted to confront him. It shows that you wanted to stand up for yourself and not be a doormat. The letter you originally proposed, as others pointed out, was in a good spirit but perhaps a little too revealing and not confrontational about him. Then the text, you took blame in front of him. It is one thing to accept responsibility for yourself. You never asked him if he was married. Fine. That is on you. But that a$$hole didn't offer that information at any point? That is not right. You wanted to confront him, standing up for yourself somehow, saying, what you did was not right. I think that is a good thing. You should stand up for yourself.
> 
> He took the victim seat in the text back to you. Any further communication is likely to get your caught in a back and forth in which you both vie for that seat. Let him go. If you want to send anything else, be offensive (e.g., by the way, you had a small d!ck and I usually had to fake an orgasm...that is, go after his self-esteem and manhood) and immediately block his number with your phone company so he has no chance to reply. And let it go. Or send nothing else. But sticking up for yourself is fine.


That is what I had in mind, I am not good at sticking up for myself. The first draft (letter) was an attempt to do just that, but as you can tell, it came as pathetic and revealed too much about me. I cannot be too mean, insulting people feels as below me. 



Arendt said:


> One more thing: I just think it is a good thing when yo uas a woman start *to undo that conditioning to be subservient and take it when a man insults you and treats you badly.* All those years of stuffing down your emotions, of holding back what you truly want to say, someday, it is good to take down the damn, and the let the waters flood. To fight back, to hit back, to strike back. Take your self-esteem back. Next time you confront a man like that, don't hold back. Don't be nice. Don't be cordial. Don't be deferential. Do not be a slave .


I really like this. You voiced my mind better than I could have hope. 



> Hit back. Talk back. That is your way out. So when I said go after his self-esteem...you know how that feels. You have had it done to you. He is the type to manipulate yours. The way you stop it is to fight back. You go after his:* I hope you get pulled up into active duty and when you get over there, and you are bleeding out from one of those IEDs or a sniper's bullet that found your gut, I hope the last thing you think about as you lie dying is all the women you screwed over who hate your guts: and my words: nobody will miss you.*


This is brilliant! I do not feel he merits that much from me, though. He was a transient event. But I agree, I need to take voice how I felt. Because I am simply tired of stuffing down my anger, emotions, tired of being sad. Ugh, it is so exhausting!!
Btw, I am not sad over him, sad over his deception yes because I am too naive and still trust people.




> I am a pacifist. I am for peace. But I am also for liberation from every form of domination, for women standing up for themselves and breaking those kinds of chains that make you prone to predators like that POS. Talking back is definitely a good thing for somebody like you. It will help you to break the chain of subservience and conditioning you talked about NE. It sounds mean. It is mean. But it is mean with the purpose of taking--not asking or begging--for your self-esteem and your life back


I just loved this entire post!


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> What is FB vs FWB? Agreed on the RD learning to deal...
> 
> Yeah...I get that you are responsible for your own feelings. It's easier for me to keep my feelings in check if I'm not getting what I think are mixed messages from my FWB. Sounds like you wouldn't interpret tender kisses and hand-holding as a "mixed message." I would. Based on those things I would wonder if he has now changed his mind about our arrangement just being FWB.
> 
> Knowing that, if I decided to pursue FWB again maybe I should be clear about that up front - easier for me not to develop feelings if we don't have affectionate touch. But really for me I've realized I WANT for there to be feelings with the person I'm having sex with, so FWB probably isn't going to work for me in the long run.


Maybe it is my interpretation. I look at a FB as someone just to scratch that itch with. I look at a FWB as someone to share fun and sexy time with, someone who is a friend and whom you respect and enjoy, but who may not be a match for a LTR. It is someone that when it stops being fun, you go your separate ways. Sure, you may miss the fwb but the understanding was there from the get go that it was never supposed to be more. In my interpretation, cuddling after sex would be totally normal for a fwb but not for a FB.


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> I'm on board with Fenix, I have no interest in just using a woman as a cmdumpster, I would only want women whom I can be at ease with, and enjoy all kinds of "intimate affection" which include sex, cuddling, kissing, and other quality time. But that doesn't mean I want them as a partner, it doesn't mean there has to be more or that it is any kind of long term commitment.
> 
> And absolutely you can be cuddle buddies without it meaning you want more or are sending mixed messages, in fact you can even hire a professional cuddler if that is an unfulfilled need in your life.


I get that all of that might be your intent. I think it's best if it's communicated explicitly because I know I'm not the only one who thinks of cuddling and the like who might interpret that from a partner as "meaningful." 

I might be unusual, IDK. I think of holding hands as really meaningful. I've had guys try to hold my hand on the first or second date and I've pulled away because to me that is a gesture reserved for someone I feel really comfortable with and who I really care about. And if y'all have been reading my posts and threads elsewhere you know it's not 'cause I'm a prude.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> Fenix seems to think you can cuddle without it meaning anything. I think cuddling can send the message that you have feelings for the person you're with. So maybe it's about communicating about that from the beginning. You being explicit that cuddling is just part of the FWB situation for you.


Just to be clear - Cuddling means respect and friendship. That is not nothing.

I think an FWB relationship is fine. I am not a believer in FB relationships.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I definitely do not like being in this type of situation. I dont know AP, I want a loving relationship.
> The drama is weird, perhaps I attract liars and cheaters because deep inside that is what I think I deserve.


I know exactly what that is like, for quite a while I wondered why I didn't deserve a real relationship and considered just giving up. Just affairs and cheaters, and high tension dysfunctional relationships. I remember thinking that I am just a party favor to people. My self worth was pretty devastated, honestly still pretty fcked up in the head from it. I have a reeeeally hard time with trust.


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> You took the blame and now he is claiming victim status. See that? You're now the bad guy for assuming he was single. A$$HOLE


Like like like like like :iagree::smthumbup:


----------



## Fenix

ne, have you ever taken martial arts?

Also, what (if anything) in your background has created this inability to directly confront?


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Yes I guess I'm inclined to agree with you, still, honestly from what I've seen many men won't be so straight forward and a woman should not count on their initiative but to ask.
> 
> 
> 
> That's a FB arrangement, and what I had with FB before she became a FWB. The difference is that we don't have all these FB rules anymore to prevent emo attachment - we did, but nowadays nope *due to her having proven that she's capable of compartmentalising*. So now she's a friend and we cuddle, caress, kiss and fk for fun lol
> 
> Still, it's not like I wasn't cuddly when we first met =/
> Sure I was colder back then because I didn't trust her, but I always like to cuddle
> 
> So I can't cuddle?


Compartmentalizing is actually not a good thing. It's a pretty severe form of mental defense that usually happens from abuse either mental, physical, or sexual or from PTSD. It's definitely not high five worthy or like a super power to wish to have.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> Compartmentalizing is actually not a good thing. It's a pretty severe form of mental defense that usually happens from abuse either mental, physical, or sexual or from PTSD. It's definitely not high five worthy or like a super power to wish to have.


Well...and in the end she didn't compartmentalize did she? Or is this a different FWB than the one that you said has developed feelings for you RD?


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Compartmentalizing is actually not a good thing. It's a pretty severe form of mental defense that usually happens from abuse either mental, physical, or sexual or from PTSD. It's definitely not high five worthy or like a super power to wish to have.


Yes. And it is what allowed my x to be so successful at his cheating (and have no remorse)


----------



## firebelly1

Fenix said:


> Just to be clear - Cuddling means respect and friendship. That is not nothing.
> 
> I think an FWB relationship is fine. I am not a believer in FB relationships.


But Fenix, I don't cuddle with the majority of friends in my life. Cuddling is not the way I universally express respect and friendship. The person I cuddle with is VERY special to me. Know what I mean? Touch your arm: I care. Caress your bare chest, weaving my hand down to your scrotum: I care about you in a different way than anyone else in my life. 

Cuddling is more meaningful to me than an expression of respect and friendship so when someone else cuddles with me, I think they think it's more meaningful than that as well. 

Maybe what you're saying is that you can cuddle and caress and tenderly french kiss someone who you are not in love with or see as a long-term partner. I get that intellectually. For me, when I am cuddled and caressed and tenderly kissed, I find it VERY difficult to know where the line is between being in love and just really good, special friends.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> ne, have you ever taken martial arts?
> 
> Also, what (if anything) in your background has created this inability to directly confront?


Fenix, believe it or not, I have shot to kill (the enemy, US army).
But that is my job. I am not a pushover at my job.

Real life I am. My ex hated conflict, any kind of argument, anything deviating from his idea of "perfect."

I learned to avoid conflict, to not voice my opinions or he would get upset. 
I got tire of being tough and brave, so when I was with ex, I would be the obedient woman. 
I have always believed how the Bible teachings describe an obedient wife. But I must have missed a few sermons on how if the husband is not reciprocating, the wife should leave.

When I got married, I wanted it for life. I made a promised to myself to be the best wife I could possible be. I did that. But it cost me much.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> It's unfortunate that your X interpreted that quote all wrong... because I think it's a great quote. I think it's really meant to say that there are a lot of fair-weather people out there, and they'll bail on you when things get rough. We all need someone who will be there for us in both good and bad weather.


I agree - it would take quite a special snowflake to interpret it as "Take all the abuse I'm willing to dish out, because I'm worth it!" However, I don't doubt there are a few people out there who take it that way. The entire group is probably comprised of TAM ex's. :rofl:

Another quote I like with a similar sentiment: 

“Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” 

-Oprah


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Is this the lady you are helping financially?
> 
> Do you know if she has any history of sexual abuse? That could be one of the reasons she moves away from your touch.
> 
> Or perhaps she really sees you as a friend. Just a friend.
> I think she has put you on the friendzone


Thanks ne . The only thing about a friendzone thing to me was you don't act like that towards friend zone , or would you?
l wasn't helping her financially back then but we were helping each other out with a few things like support and stuff.

You know what ne , yeah she was abused when she was 13. she's 36 now .She told me all about it. She didn't dwell on it or anything , l could see it was pretty hard for her to go there but she did explain what happened.
She's had a really rough time with relationships to and some of those were abusive .
She hasn't been with a guy for years.


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> Why would a girl obviously dress when l was coming over and act interested, She even use to clean up the house and of load the kids , fuss a lot for hours before , her daughter told me , don't ya love kids. Often say how she loved being around me and a few other things, yet the minute l put my arm around her or any touch in some small way , she quickly avoided, like dart off to the side and acted as if she was doing something else ?
> At the time l did like her and sorta thought we might get something going but after a couple of those l though oh yeah and left it be.
> We just sorta somehow wound up hooking up at the time after bumping into each other and l had some big stuff going on which she helped me with and vise verse . We spent a fair bit of time together or else would often text 1/2 the night and usually through the day most days too.
> lt was basically for the most part you could almost say a relationship without the relationship bc after those few tries l never went there again .
> We are still in touch a lot but when l started seeing T , she weirded out a lot and things aren't the same anymore .
> Which makes me wonder even moreso then actually , if she's weird on me with someone else how come she was like that before when we had a ton of chances.
> 
> lt's just related to someone l spent time with 6mths back and that one l'm helping out now. Known her a few yrs back to when l was married, ex knows her to.
> And it also to something yrs ago l still wonder about and if l was used back then and maybe that's what this ones game is .
> l know people say it doesn't matter but hey but l'd like to understand this .


From what you've said sounds like a damaged person who sees men not as friends/lovers but as a means for emotional and/or financial support and also affirmation of her self worth. 

That's my very armchair diagnosis anyway. The thing is, you'll never really know - but I am the same way in which I try to understand others motivations and POV. 

The difference nowadays is after I have a few thoughts on the subject, I let it go.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Fenix, believe it or not, I have shot to kill (the enemy, US army).
> But that is my job. I am not a pushover at my job.
> 
> Real life I am. My ex hated conflict, any kind of argument, anything deviating from his idea of "perfect."
> 
> I learned to avoid conflict, to not voice my opinions or he would get upset.
> I got tire of being tough and brave, so when I was with ex, I would be the obedient woman.
> I have always believed how the Bible teachings describe an obedient wife. But I must have missed a few sermons on how if the husband is not reciprocating, the wife should leave.
> 
> When I got married, I wanted it for life. I made a promised to myself to be the best wife I could possible be. I did that. But it cost me much.


No relationship is worth losing your sense of self. I too had to learn this the hard way.


----------



## bravenewworld

Arendt said:


> Hit back. Talk back. That is your way out. So when I said go after his self-esteem...you know how that feels. You have had it done to you. He is the type to manipulate yours. The way you stop it is to fight back. You go after his: I hope you get pulled up into active duty and when you get over there, and you are bleeding out from one of those IEDs or a sniper's bullet that found your gut, I hope the last thing you think about as you lie dying is all the women you screwed over who hate your guts: and my words: nobody will miss you.


Damn - ice cold! I love it! 

I'm like Ne though - I couldn't say the above. If I did need to reach out for closure it'd probably something simple like "I had enjoyed spending time with you and thought you were a good man, so it's disappointing to find out you are not only deceitful but also extremely manipulative. I don't allow people like that to have a place in my life. Good luck to you - from what I've seen, you'll need it."


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Fenix, believe it or not, I have shot to kill (the enemy, US army).
> But that is my job. I am not a pushover at my job.
> 
> Real life I am. My ex hated conflict, any kind of argument, anything deviating from his idea of "perfect."
> 
> I learned to avoid conflict, to not voice my opinions or he would get upset.
> I got tire of being tough and brave, so when I was with ex, I would be the obedient woman.
> I have always believed how the Bible teachings describe an obedient wife. But I must have missed a few sermons on how if the husband is not reciprocating, the wife should leave.
> 
> When I got married, I wanted it for life. I made a promised to myself to be the best wife I could possible be. I did that. But it cost me much.


It sounds like you are a person who plays by the rules.
Naturally you think people you are attracted to play by the rules too. 
But, they don't.
They manipulate the fact that you play by the rules.
How to neutralize these people.
Change the rules, to equalize the playing field, in your favor, in the last quarter.
After all, they are losers. So they should be used to this and able to shrug it off.


----------



## bravenewworld

Ugh - last few days have been very hard. Not only did I move my entire apartment by myself, get broken up with by Aviator, but I also had a crazy relative leave several verbally abusive messages on my answering machine. 99% of my family is lovely, but this person is the black sheep (to put it mildly) and there's a reason for it. 

They also owe me money and are also now refusing to pay me, which is hard because I am broke. Deleted them from my social media and blocked their number. It's hard because I love them and wanted to help them. It's not the money that bothers me so much but more the cursing and verbal abuse. I am not a punching bag and I have boundaries. They can either choose to respect them - or not be a part of my life. Period. Of course, now I have a few other relatives saying I am being mean although they hate dealing with this person too. Now that I think about it, they never do it!

Actions>words

Positive things:
1) My new space is awesome! I totally love it. 
2) The DMV gave me a break on a fine I owed them
3) At my job a customer I've gotten to know asked me on a date. Not sure if it's a match but he is very intelligent and wordly. Also, he is a surgeon. So hot when a guy works with his hands! 

Moving forward......I need a day off. Bleh.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> From what you've said sounds like a damaged person who sees men not as friends/lovers but as a means for emotional and/or financial support and also affirmation of her self worth.
> 
> That's my very armchair diagnosis anyway. The thing is, you'll never really know - but I am the same way in which I try to understand others motivations and POV.
> 
> The difference nowadays is after I have a few thoughts on the subject, I let it go.



Thanks for that Brave . But yeah it's weird and pretty hard to actually explain.
Like we were basically like gf and bf, we even use to often sit into each other like you do with a bf , only no touch apart from that. Well whenever l tried l got that anyways , whatever that was.
She's been acting like a jealous gf since l've been seeing T , which has me even more confused about her.
l wanna keep our friendship if that's all she did want , but it's gone to [email protected] since T , she's not the same any more .

Another thing l remembered , was l use to see her a bit when l was married . Another mum of one of my d's friends . But she was never dressed like this then , she was always just in track clothes , never any make up back then .
Got the shock of my life the first day l went over to see her about something , she looked so good.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Damn - ice cold! I love it!
> 
> I'm like Ne though - I couldn't say the above. If I did need to reach out for closure it'd probably something simple like "I had enjoyed spending time with you and thought you were a good man, so it's disappointing to find out you are not only deceitful but also extremely manipulative. I don't allow people like that to have a place in my life. Good luck to you - from what I've seen, you'll need it."


You want ice cold? 
I turn off like a light switch. I say "good bye" with out much of an explanation, shut the door and walk the fck away. Delete everyone and everything I could relate to you. 
I don't have to say much and I don't really need closure and if I am at that point in a relationship wth is the reason for an explanation anyway?


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Fenix, believe it or not, I have shot to kill (the enemy, US army).
> But that is my job. I am not a pushover at my job.
> 
> Real life I am. My ex hated conflict, any kind of argument, anything deviating from his idea of "perfect."
> 
> I learned to avoid conflict, to not voice my opinions or he would get upset.
> I got tire of being tough and brave, so when I was with ex, I would be the obedient woman.
> I have always believed how the Bible teachings describe an obedient wife. But I must have missed a few sermons on how if the husband is not reciprocating, the wife should leave.
> 
> When I got married, I wanted it for life. I made a promised to myself to be the best wife I could possible be. I did that. But it cost me much.


So... your ex tamed rambo?


----------



## moxy

AP -- does the other person usually know why you are shutting the door?

Brave -- wishing you luck and strength.


I went on a road trip. Having been through a spiritual and emotional ordeal over the past three days, I'm on the threshold of some shift. I'm not sure what that will be, but I might talk about it in a few days.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> AP -- does the other person usually know why you are shutting the door?
> 
> Brave -- wishing you luck and strength.
> 
> 
> I went on a road trip. Having been through a spiritual and emotional ordeal over the past three days, I'm on the threshold of some shift. I'm not sure what that will be, but I might talk about it in a few days.


Yes I would have to believe. I have never broken it off with someone who didn't deserve it because of what they have done.
Well I guess there was a GF before my marriage that she might have not expected it but that is cause she wasn't listening to my "warnings".


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> So... your ex tamed rambo?


Ugh... ex is a piece of sh!t! I was just sucked into his "I had a horrible childhood, please love me" game.


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> So, art teacher fell through, but as it was falling through a new one popped up. So, we'll see what happens.



That's what happens move. l dunno if it's a sign of the times or what , but they just keep popping up , and popping and popping :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> Fenix seems to think you can cuddle without it meaning anything. I think cuddling can send the message that you have feelings for the person you're with. So maybe it's about communicating about that from the beginning. You being explicit that cuddling is just part of the FWB situation for you.
> 
> Oh geez. I just now got that FB is f*ck buddy and fwb is friends with benefits. I had no idea there was a distinction. I've been thinking they are the same. Which brings me back to a conclusion I made a while ago - every situation is different. You may say "I just want to be FWB" but you have to be clear about what that means to YOU. Sounds like to you FB means no cuddling but FWB does. Jesus. Nunnery sounds more and more appealing. Other than the no sex part.


All this terms , definitions , names, blows me away :rofl:
Doesn't anyone just do plain old relationships any more , l had no effing idea .
Last time l was single, you just met someone you liked and started hanging out and fell in or out of love . It was all very straight forward.
l think they were the only two terms there was :rofl: .

And ah yeah , plus sewing wild oats , did a fair bit of in parting days .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Yes I guess I'm inclined to agree with you, still, honestly from what I've seen many men won't be so straight forward and a woman should not count on their initiative but to ask.
> 
> 
> 
> That's a FB arrangement, and what I had with FB before she became a FWB. The difference is that we don't have all these FB rules anymore to prevent emo attachment - we did, but nowadays nope due to her having proven that she's capable of compartmentalising. So now she's a friend and we cuddle, caress, kiss and fk for fun lol
> 
> Still, it's not like I wasn't cuddly when we first met =/
> Sure I was colder back then because I didn't trust her, but I always like to cuddle
> 
> So I can't cuddle?


Nope , no cuddles for you my man :rofl:
You feed the fkg dog and then you kick it's butt out :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

samyeagar said:


> Thank god I've never had to figure all this crap out...


l second that motion :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

After reading Arendt's post earlier, I decided to give it a go at standing up for myself. 
Please criticize away. I need lots of practice.

I took shots of the text convo from last night and began another convo today. Oh, and I learned how to erase his number! Maybe I should have left it intact 

EDIT: I did "appropriated" some of you sentences you guys commented on my earlier posts. It is not Plagiarism.... I promise Moxy and Arendt and all the other scholars here


----------



## Another Planet

NE Leaving out the truth is the same as lying. Cheating 101


----------



## RandomDude

Text messages...

Also, ain't it already over between you two?


----------



## Arendt

NE: I would block his number, unfriend and block him on FB, and not contact him again. I wouldn't put any more energy into him if I were you. Good for you for standing up for yourself though.


----------



## ne9907

AP yes. It is lying. 

RD. it is over. It was over before I found out he was married. 

Arendt. Thanks. Although I still need to practice at being mean. 

I am off to catch a late movie with friends. 
Night all


----------



## RandomDude

When things are over, you need to embrace no-contact as Arendt mentioned, especially since you were emotionally attached. Tis can be hard at times with many questions left unanswered but know that you won't find closure with him. It's over!

Anyway enjoy the movie


----------



## whitehawk

l dunno what the norm is with that stuff but l must admit , l'd just assume people just don't ask about each others lives , it just is.
but hell l wouldn't have a clue.


----------



## Arendt

NE: standing up for yourself is not about being mean. but good for you. Walk away though.

You know what you want in life: a relationship with a man who is honest with you, treats you with dignity and respect, and who just cares. You were not ever going to get that from him, not because he was married and a liar, but because you sought somebody who wouldn't do it for whatever reason. 

Standing up for yourself now means not dating men who are distant, who only want you for sex, who do not demonstrate maturity in their lives, and who don't treat you very well. Protect yourself by dating men who demonstrate they care and deserve you.


----------



## TooNice

Ne-glad you could have the strength to do what you needed to. You deserve better!

I'm a little unsettled tonight...I have coffee date #2 with the lawyer tomorrow, and I'm feeling...nervous. Our first date - I did not even think about. I threw on some clothes, checked my hair and headed out. Tonight, I was trying on outfits. That's weird for me. I'm excited, but definitely nervous, too.


----------



## moxy

Joined Tinder. Matched with a very attractive guy. He messaged me. I realized that we'd met and talked before (OKC), but had a weird misunderstanding and stopped talking. He must have remembered, too, because he unmatched me. That sucks. He is cute and I wanna jump his bones. I wish I hadn't been such a flake before. :/ Lesson learned.

Still miss Guy. Today's been an emotional roller coaster. But, if he doesn't wanna talk to me, I can't wish it into happening.


----------



## whitehawk

Cancel , too much goin on to worry about it.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Fenix, believe it or not, I have shot to kill (the enemy, US army).
> But that is my job. I am not a pushover at my job.
> 
> Real life I am. My ex hated conflict, any kind of argument, anything deviating from his idea of "perfect."
> 
> I learned to avoid conflict, to not voice my opinions or he would get upset.
> I got tire of being tough and brave, so when I was with ex, I would be the obedient woman.
> I have always believed how the Bible teachings describe an obedient wife. But I must have missed a few sermons on how if the husband is not reciprocating, the wife should leave.
> 
> When I got married, I wanted it for life. I made a promised to myself to be the best wife I could possible be. I did that. But it cost me much.


I knew that you were a soldier and I have no doubt that you are a tough cookie on the exterior. My question about the martial arts specifically was geared toward something else. A mental and emotional toughness. I have found that in a good program, it is more about what is happening on the inside than the outside. Sure, you are taught to defend yourself, but you should also be taught how to manage your emotions and reactions and tap into your inner strength.

ne, you give away so much of your power. From what I have read (I don't really know your story), you did in your marriage and you still are. This is really common. Learning how to tap into that inner core of strength is critical for resilience. Now, I believe many posters here are not so resilient. By resilient, I mean bouncing back from a set back in a way that is positive. It is not being brittle and putting up walls (looking at you, RD!), it is about choosing to remain vulnerable and reach out, knowing within your soul that should you be disappointed, you will be ok. That knowledge comes from an awareness that you can take the punches that life doles out and come back stronger. How do you get that awareness? Some of us are born with it. Some of us develop it through being brave enough to test the boundaries (sensibly). Faking it until you make it has a lot to do with it too.

Things like martial arts helps. So does reaching out into the community on a volunteer basis - taking the emphasis off of you and tapping into the connection that is present in a greater society. This connection creates the feeling that you are not in this 'game of life' alone. That, in turns, provides both inspiration and courage. It can also help with boundaries.

Now, I get the peace keeping attitude during marriage. It didn't work with me. I ended up giving away my power in drips and bits until I was a shell of what I had been. Was I wrong? I also looked at marriage for forever, and I had children. My power would not have been given away if I had been in an equal partnerships, with a spouse as invested as I was. But I wasn't. Knowing I gave up my power is a very hard thing for me to acknowledge. I was not obedient (horrid word!), I was a team player with someone who was 1) not worthy and 2) not remotely on the team.

As far as the bible and women in marriage goes? Blech.


----------



## Fenix

Arendt said:


> NE: standing up for yourself is not about being mean. but good for you. Walk away though.
> 
> You know what you want in life: a relationship with a man who is honest with you, treats you with dignity and respect, and who just cares. You were not ever going to get that from him, not because he was married and a liar, but because you sought somebody who wouldn't do it for whatever reason.
> 
> Standing up for yourself now means not dating men who are distant, who only want you for sex, who do not demonstrate maturity in their lives, and who don't treat you very well. Protect yourself by dating men who demonstrate they care and deserve you.


:iagree: Knowing and adhering to your boundaries is not mean. Understanding that is the first defense against those who would manipulate you. ne, there are plenty of emotionally available men out there. But I guess the first step is figuring out what you need.



TooNice said:


> Ne-glad you could have the strength to do what you needed to. You deserve better!
> 
> I'm a little unsettled tonight...I have coffee date #2 with the lawyer tomorrow, and I'm feeling...nervous. Our first date - I did not even think about. I threw on some clothes, checked my hair and headed out. Tonight, I was trying on outfits. That's weird for me. I'm excited, but definitely nervous, too.


That's because you like him! Whee! The nervousness is kind of fun, isn't it?



moxy said:


> Joined Tinder. Matched with a very attractive guy. He messaged me. I realized that we'd met and talked before (OKC), but had a weird misunderstanding and stopped talking. He must have remembered, too, because he unmatched me. That sucks. He is cute and I wanna jump his bones. I wish I hadn't been such a flake before. :/ Lesson learned.


Hmmm..well, if he pops up again, maybe you should acknowledge your flakiness...if that was all it was. We all screw up, especially in the early months after the D.



On another topic, one of the things that I love is the concept of Ubuntu. It basically is a philosophy on the interconnectedness of all living beings. Since my separation and divorce, I have been doing a lot of reading on it. Delving into this concept has really helped me be emotionally strong and helped me put it into perspective. I am, because of you: Further reading on Ubuntu | TED Blog


----------



## Arendt

TooNice said:


> Ne-glad you could have the strength to do what you needed to. You deserve better!
> 
> I'm a little unsettled tonight...I have coffee date #2 with the lawyer tomorrow, and I'm feeling...nervous. Our first date - I did not even think about. I threw on some clothes, checked my hair and headed out. Tonight, I was trying on outfits. That's weird for me. I'm excited, but definitely nervous, too.


2 coffee dates!?  This is good. 



moxy said:


> Joined Tinder. Matched with a very attractive guy. He messaged me. I realized that we'd met and talked before (OKC), but had a weird misunderstanding and stopped talking. He must have remembered, too, because he unmatched me. That sucks. He is cute and I wanna jump his bones. I wish I hadn't been such a flake before. :/ Lesson learned.
> 
> Still miss Guy. Today's been an emotional roller coaster. But, if he doesn't wanna talk to me, I can't wish it into happening.


I put the Tinder app on my phone for a bit a few months ago. I didn't find it too great...one person I met wanted to have a two month fling before she moved to San Francisco. I assume it is full of people looking for mostly hookups and short term things. I deleted it fairly quickly. 

Re: emotional roller coasters. Last night I was feeling down about a few things...academia mostly. This morning, been listening to the same song over and over, letting the album play occasionally...Something about the same song over and over smooths out life sometimes. I am now in a good mood (didn't wake up in one). The song I have been playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRBpyReflpg


----------



## ne9907

Arendt--- You are right. As I stated before, I am taking a break from online dating. I actually feel it is not for me. It was fun, but it is sort of strange.

Fenix-- Absolutely, I must find resilience and move forward. My story is pretty typical, even the "I cannot believe this happened to me!"

TooNice-- yay for you!!! Being nervous is a good thing!

Whitehawk-- what is going on? We are a support group after all 

Moxy--- about 90% of my coworkers are male. We usually go out every Thursday for Thursday night football. Anyway, on one of our outtings the guys were checking out Tinder. They click on ALL women!! Seriously! They do not discriminate haha. 


Movie was all right "Annabelle" it is a horror flick, it was creepy... not really scary but creepy.

Today, I am reading, watching some football and later on going to go shopping for my "Wonder Woman" Halloween costume with nieces!

All my life, I have been a religious person. I believe Jesus Christ is my savior, it gives me great comfort to know that. This morning I woke up in a very good mood. Very thankful mood.

Did you all know that at one point, I wanted to become a nun? yeppers. Havent ruled it out yet


----------



## TooNice

Just got back from my date. Coffee date turned into a lunch date at a fabulous middle eastern place we've both wanted to try. 

He's very sweet and I think there may be a third date at some point...  

Wow. That is so not something I would have expected. Yay for people on TAM (you know who you are!) giving great advice about just doing it and putting myself out there. It IS a nice feeling to be looked at like that again. We really do forget when we don't have that from our spouses, don't we? 

Gonna just sit and enjoy this for a bit now.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks for that ne. The trouble is , l don't even know how to explain it .
Enjoy the footy sister ne ,


----------



## whitehawk

Unrelated to above but .
lt is a funny and strange and hard part time life when kids are involved. l spose it does depend to but in my case , them all knowing each other , it is very tricky.
Not that we show anything and l've hardly even been around T's kids anyway and the few times l have we make sure it's only as a friend dropping in type thing.
But , even so , all three are watching us like hawks :rofl:
Little T and l have always been close and she sure as hell knows we're different. l can feel her ticking over , maybe wh moves in and we can be a family. lt is really really hard knowing she's hoping like that.
Her son watches every move l make , not in a bad way , just in a look out for his family way . l have so much respect for this little man. But l also feel so much responsibility in trying to look after their feelings in all this - even though there isn't even suppose to be an "all this " . And then of course T too.
And above all else there's my d's, ears prick up every time my text goes of or phone calls or any mention of T or little T now.
lt breaks my heart bc l know what she's feeling and thinking.
" He better fkg not end up living with little T - that is NOT , going to happen "
And she's been put into all this by "our" divorce . lt's just not right that she has to feel and live these things .

And if we get anymore serious or eventually start being a couple around them, it's only the beginning .

T doesn't have that bigger stake in it all in that way , bc it would moreso only add to her family .
But for my d , it would be a totally different scenario and l feel sick thinking about it for her .
So much so that l'm beginning to wonder if l shouldn't just break it off . She is number one and l will not do anything else in her life and feelings , everything she's had to go through , to make it any worse.

Yesterday , T asks if l wanna come to the markets with them and yeah , l would've absolutely of loved to . But if l was to spend the day with them like that , we'd all have fun and it'd be like a family for them. And emotions and thoughts would be racing even more . 
l would've loved to have gone so badly . l'd love a day like that after everything that's happened and l'd love us to just go and be , just enjoy , and be together.
But, l can't even bring myself to think about what my d would think and feel about it on top of the other side to the coin. She thinks ahead , she sees things . It's just not as simple as talking or explaining anything. She'll think and know and feel what she does regardless , that's just the way she ticks. If l was to go , her head will race , it won't matter what l do or say. It's not a fun thing anymore , she's stopped talking to little T now , all together. 

PS , This is very very complicated , just not sure where to from here . And l've felt really bad saying no all the time to this stuff. There's been other things like a few teas over there and stuff. 

Excuse the vent


----------



## whitehawk

If they didn't all know each other , it would be totally different and for now my private life could stay just that .

Starting to realize why l use to be so attracted to girls that lived up or down the coast an hr or two away.
The totally different towns , schools , worlds, friends , mayor incognito , that would be nice , so much simpler , fun too .


----------



## Fenix

WH, I know. It is tough. The thing is your d cannot be the only woman in your life. That is not fair. Go slow, but you set the rules. Do not let your daughter set the rules. When a 14 year old sets the rules, then you have a mess on your hands. So, no, your daughter is not number one. It is a balance. Be sensitive to your daughter's needs but your needs matter too.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks for that Fenix.
Yeah it's a balance alright, l get have to think of myself too. And l do , l just try to do it without effect my d.
She's a great girl , she's no brat, In this 2 yrs , with everything that's happened and now her having to live in 2 houses , lives at once , one parent a time, you know she has never complained , not once.
She has been deeply upset though and we never ever even saw her cry since she was 2 before all this.

So l'm not making it any worse on her for a women who really , l don't even really know yet you know . Really , 2mths , l don't . That looked easy at the start , just lay low , enjoy , see where it goes first but they've been all over it since the first day l went over , little fkrs , too good for us :rofl:


----------



## TooNice

WH, Fenix gave good advice...I wish I knew what to add. But I will highlight that yes, your needs matter, too.


----------



## Another Planet

One of these days/nights I will catch you guys up on my current story so you can log it in as experience lol


----------



## Another Planet

On a good topic topic I don't think we have discussed but what do you all feel about strange defensiveness. Like say your SO gets defensive about a thing that shouldn't be weird.
I guess I'll give an example...tonight we went to friends house for a party. Took two cars, I was behind her on the xway and she was driving uuuhhh not normal...if I was a cop I would have pulled her over. So I tell her she was either on her phone or she might have drank to much...she gets all defensive about it and says check my phone blah blah and I say nope doesn't really matter to me cause like I said you were either distracted or had enough for the night...but she accused me of assuming something...I don't know to me that there getting defensive over what should be nothing but banter is a not good sign.
Uggh don't want to admit it but....not sure if her heart is fully open to me guys :/ I don't think shes cheating but she's not all there sometimes.
Guess I need to fill you all in on details sometime :|


----------



## ne9907

I had a great night with niece and friends. 

WH. Yes Fenix advice is great!

AP. Fill us up if you want just remember we are an over critical bunch ð But we care!!

Off to bed and to dreamland. 
Btw I think my little brothers best friend likes me (he is 28) and not my type!

Night y'all!!


----------



## whitehawk

If it's just now and then AP ,don't worry about it , off day. But if she's often defensive well, defensive women drive you nuts and it's usually stemming from some other crap you can bet on it. 

On the other bit , take care buddy bc our gut is usually right and l know you were a bit worried even back at the start to .


----------



## whitehawk

Oh no . A little birdie told me today , my d does "not" , like T - at all , . 
And ,,,, she thinks her tatts and piercings are slvtty. 

hmmm , :scratchhead:

ps , don't spose it's even an issue anyway so early on l guess. Might not even go anywhere anyway.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Thanks for that Fenix.
> Yeah it's a balance alright, l get have to think of myself too. And l do , l just try to do it without effect my d.
> She's a great girl , she's no brat, In this 2 yrs , with everything that's happened and now her having to live in 2 houses , lives at once , one parent a time, you know she has never complained , not once.
> She has been deeply upset though and we never ever even saw her cry since she was 2 before all this.
> 
> So l'm not making it any worse on her for a women who really , l don't even really know yet you know . Really , 2mths , l don't . That looked easy at the start , just lay low , enjoy , see where it goes first but they've been all over it since the first day l went over , little fkrs , too good for us :rofl:


Two months is reallly early so yes, I am with you on this. I have been thinking a lot on this issue as it has been the first red flag in my relationship. My guy has some issues with setting boundaries with his daughter. We waited 6 months before introductions were made (my insistence) and are rarely together when he has his daughter. Late this summer, he had his daughter for 3 weekends in a row, I had been traveling and when I returned, we met for a drink (3 hours) on a Sat afternoon. The sh!t hit the fan as she 'felt abandoned' because he left her to visit with me. She is 15. So, he took it underground instead of setting boundaries. This was the second time that I didn't feel like appropriate boundaries had been set with the ex and daughter. After the 3rd time, I addressed it. We talked, he understood where I was coming from and had all the right responses. Welp, just happened again yesterday. He has his daughter for 10 days straight and we were supposed to go out last night from 6 -10 or so. He texted that he had a window of opportunity from 1 -6 because she was busy then. Ummm...no, we had plans and I already had stuff to do in the afternoon. It isn't like we had seen each other a ton this week AND he has had a lot of time with his d, plus a lot more coming. So, no. I changed my plans just a bit and we got together from 3:30 - 5:30. This has been the only issue in the last 9 months but I can see that it could be a big one. Boundary setting and avoiding conflict issues. Those are a big deal to me due to my history. My guy is a peacemaker for sure, but sometimes, you have to draw a line. Daughter's needs are important but yours are too. At the two month mark, it still is quite early though. And with the friendship, it does make things dicey. So, be subtle and discreet and continue with the no pda and nonchalant attitude, but be aware that fathers and daughters have challenges ahead. 



Another Planet said:


> On a good topic topic I don't think we have discussed but what do you all feel about strange defensiveness. Like say your SO gets defensive about a thing that shouldn't be weird.
> I guess I'll give an example...tonight we went to friends house for a party. Took two cars, I was behind her on the xway and she was driving uuuhhh not normal...if I was a cop I would have pulled her over. So I tell her she was either on her phone or she might have drank to much...she gets all defensive about it and says check my phone blah blah and I say nope doesn't really matter to me cause like I said you were either distracted or had enough for the night...but she accused me of assuming something...I don't know to me that there getting defensive over what should be nothing but banter is a not good sign.
> Uggh don't want to admit it but....not sure if her heart is fully open to me guys :/ I don't think shes cheating but she's not all there sometimes.
> Guess I need to fill you all in on details sometime :|


Defensiveness is due to history. For sure. Was her ex hyper critical?



whitehawk said:


> Oh no . A little birdie told me today , my d does "not" , like T - at all , .
> And ,,,, she thinks her tatts and piercings are slvtty.
> 
> hmmm , :scratchhead:
> 
> ps , don't spose it's even an issue anyway so early on l guess. Might not even go anywhere anyway.


What birdie?
Careful, wh, careful. Just continue as you are, being discreet. When you think the relationship may be headed somewhere (in 4 or 5 months), you can re-evaluate what your d thinks. She may have changed her tune by then. Daughters are really protective about their fathers and there are so many emotions at play. All of them understandable, but not all of them are valid.

You may want to consider have her talk to a therapist if you continue to have concerns. What she is dealing with is huge and it would be helpful for you and her to set a good precedent on how to deal with it. Letting her manipulate you into closing down a relationship before you are ready to isn't good. However, being sensitive to her needs and not pushing her too fast is important too. wow....hard stuff, isn't it?! *shaking head* We are all feeling our way here...and learning as we go.


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks a million Fenix and yeah , 2 mths , she's not even meant to known yet . 
That first day she came over t T's place was actually for her to see T's d , her friend , was :scratchhead:
T and l thought we'd be pretty safe as l've dropped her of or picked up Little T plenty of times before T and l ever got together but, they were onto us.

So glad you waited that 6mths and have gone easy on it, it is so much for them to deal with and we don't want them seeing deadends just coming and going through our lives. l planed on 6mths at least ha, so much for that one .
But it still is only here say between the 3 of them , they haven't actually seen anything so if we're not around them it should settle hopefully.
You see l have to be careful something doesn't start up at school between them about it to see .
The birdie was just a friend l bumped into today , knows l'm seeing T . My d said something to his d and he heard about it . Bloody hell , see what l mean , now if that gets back to little T , not gonna be pretty :rofl:


----------



## firebelly1

WH - are you telling T why you are saying "no"? 

Seems to me like trying to hide things from your daughter is backfiring. Can't you have an open and honest discussion with her? If not specifically about T then about the fact that you will date in general? Don't rely on a little birdie - let D talk out her feelings and thoughts, then take your turn and negotiate some things. As Fenix said, she shouldn't be dictating your dating life - i.e. who you see - but to the extent that your time with your daughter is effected by your dating life in general, you can talk through and negotiate that.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> On a good topic topic I don't think we have discussed but what do you all feel about strange defensiveness. Like say your SO gets defensive about a thing that shouldn't be weird.
> I guess I'll give an example...tonight we went to friends house for a party. Took two cars, I was behind her on the xway and she was driving uuuhhh not normal...if I was a cop I would have pulled her over. So I tell her she was either on her phone or she might have drank to much...she gets all defensive about it and says check my phone blah blah and I say nope doesn't really matter to me cause like I said you were either distracted or had enough for the night...but she accused me of assuming something...I don't know to me that there getting defensive over what should be nothing but banter is a not good sign.
> Uggh don't want to admit it but....not sure if her heart is fully open to me guys :/ I don't think shes cheating but she's not all there sometimes.
> Guess I need to fill you all in on details sometime :|


I think defensiveness is normal - not necessarily functional, but normal. And you never know what people are going to be defensive over. There's some trigger there - some nerve you've hit that you might want to talk through if you can. Are there other things that make you think her heart isn't open to you?


----------



## firebelly1

I had a coffee date yesterday with someone I met on Match. First meet up since I signed up last week. It was good, not great. And the first thing I thought was "He isn't Professor." 

"Professor" is a guy I met in July. We met on AFF with both of us saying we wanted to be FWB. But when we met, there was such an amazing connection that we knew right away it wasn't going to just be that. We spent a magical couple of weekends together save one thing - he couldn't maintain an erection. 

He is in the middle of a nasty divorce and we theorize that the ED is caused by all the stress. But it effectively ended the physical part of our relationship. He wasn't willing to be sexual with me at all after that - understandable under the circumstances. However, we text every day, multiple times a day, sharing everything that's going on with each other and we have ever since we met. Since then, every guy I meet pails in comparison to him. No use in telling me to cut contact with him. I'm not gonna. But, just giving you some context for my current dating life. 

Another big part of why I'm hesitant to date for real is that I'm not sure I'm going to stay in Canada. Would really like to go back to Seattle where I'm from but the job situation makes it difficult. Plus, I'm scared of picking the wrong person again. I'm scared of losing myself again. I'm a giver and tend to pick takers. So, in general, not sure that I'm ready. How do I know I'm at a place where I won't lose myself again?


----------



## vi_bride04

Defensiveness usually isn't a good thing, AP, especially if they jump to you accusing them of something when that wasn't the case at all. 

Need more details


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> I had a coffee date yesterday with someone I met on Match. First meet up since I signed up last week. It was good, not great. And the first thing I thought was "He isn't Professor."
> 
> "Professor" is a guy I met in July. We met on AFF with both of us saying we wanted to be FWB. But when we met, there was such an amazing connection that we knew right away it wasn't going to just be that. We spent a magical couple of weekends together save one thing - he couldn't maintain an erection.
> 
> He is in the middle of a nasty divorce and we theorize that the ED is caused by all the stress. But it effectively ended the physical part of our relationship. He wasn't willing to be sexual with me at all after that - understandable under the circumstances. However, we text every day, multiple times a day, sharing everything that's going on with each other and we have ever since we met. Since then, every guy I meet pails in comparison to him. No use in telling me to cut contact with him. I'm not gonna. But, just giving you some context for my current dating life.
> 
> Another big part of why I'm hesitant to date for real is that I'm not sure I'm going to stay in Canada. Would really like to go back to Seattle where I'm from but the job situation makes it difficult. Plus, I'm scared of picking the wrong person again. I'm scared of losing myself again. I'm a giver and tend to pick takers. So, in general, not sure that I'm ready. How do I know I'm at a place where I won't lose myself again?


I am not going to tell you to cut contact.  Divorce has a nasty way of messing with a guy in the ED department. Normally, it is temporary. Still, Professor should have been willing to take care of business in other ways. The fact that he wasn't is a red flag (imo).

Still, if he gets that sorted it might be fun.

FB, I don't know what much of your story. Did you go into counseling at all? That might be a good place to discover why you choose as you do.


----------



## firebelly1

Professor is so mortified by his ED that any sexual contact bums him out. And he's exhausted. Doesn't sleep. And...he doesn't owe me anything. Know what I mean? It's not his job in anyway to make sure I'm sexually satisfied.

I went to counselling for a few years. I think it comes down, in part, to me being an unwanted baby and kind of carrying that throughout my life - feeling not good enough and picking partners who confirm that. But, it's also about just being in the habit or not of speaking up for myself. I don't know how one retrains themselves around that exactly. I can think and feel like I deserve to be heard all day long but asking to be heard is a muscle I've never really built. I never got any advice around that in counselling and all the self-help books I've read around it haven't been much help either.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Professor is so mortified by his ED that any sexual contact bums him out. And he's exhausted. Doesn't sleep. And...he doesn't owe me anything. Know what I mean? It's not his job in anyway to make sure I'm sexually satisfied.


Do you really feel is not his job to make sure you are sexually satisfied? I disagree on this. When two people engage in a sexual relationship, it is both partners job to make sure one another is satisfied. 
Perhaps you feel compassion because of his ED. Are you both in an invested relationship? He probably needs professional help to address this issue. 
Personally, this if I am not emotionally invested, I would leave this man alone to deal with his issues. 



firebelly1 said:


> I went to counselling for a few years. I think it comes down, in part, to me being an unwanted baby and kind of carrying that throughout my life -* feeling not good enough and picking partners who confirm that*. *But, it's also about just being in the habit or not of speaking up for myself*. I don't know how one retrains themselves around that exactly. I can think and feel like I deserve to be heard all day long but asking to be heard is a muscle I've never really built. I never got any advice around that in counselling and all the self-help books I've read around it haven't been much help either.


Sounds like me. That is why I made a big deal wit the Blue, even if only by texts. I had to accept that my feelings were hurt and it was not okay for him to omit his marital status. Baby steps Firebelly. Baby Steps will lead you out of the darkness.


----------



## Another Planet

I think it just might be a bad match up that happens from our damage from our past relationships. She felt like her husband kept her in a box and I have trust issues from being betrayed...or just plain ole being involved in some really ****ty **** that some people think only happens in movies so nothing surprises me.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> Do you really feel is not his job to make sure you are sexually satisfied? I disagree on this. When two people engage in a sexual relationship, it is both partners job to make sure one another is satisfied.
> Perhaps you feel compassion because of his ED. Are you both in an invested relationship? He probably needs professional help to address this issue.
> Personally, this if I am not emotionally invested, I would leave this man alone to deal with his issues.
> 
> Sounds like me. That is why I made a big deal wit the Blue, even if only by texts. I had to accept that my feelings were hurt and it was not okay for him to omit his marital status. Baby steps Firebelly. Baby Steps will lead you out of the darkness.


Professor and I had a sexual relationship for two weeks and now the sexual part is done indefinitely. At the moment we are just friends with me hoping it could be something more in the future but not holding my breath. So...no...under these kinds of circumstances he isn't responsible in any way for my satisfaction. "Emotionally invested" is a tricky phrase. I think we are both emotionally invested in our own way. But he is in no way, shape or form ready for another relationship so his emotional investment is not the same as mine. 

He has sought professional help for the ED and the professionals and he and I all agree that it won't go away at least until divorce mediation is over, and that appears to be a process without a definite end date. 

In Canada if your spouse was not working while you were together, after your divorce you have to pay them half your salary each month for half the number of years you were married. So for him that means he will have to pay her half his salary every month for the next six years. Plus...she gets half the assets. Half of his retirement fund. Half of the proceeds from the house when it sells. It is brutal. He has been advised repeatedly to get a lawyer, but being Canadian, he sees lawyers as a waste of money. So he has been dragging his feet, trying to fight her through mediation to see if there's any way to not have to bleed money for the next five years. So, he is inflicting the stress on himself. If he were willing to just bite the financial bullet, he could get on with his life, but he won't. 

As for you NE - I get that on some level when you were re-contacting Blue you were trying to stand up for yourself but you're just not practiced at it. I really am in the same boat. As I get further away from my marriage, little bursts of anger pop up when I think of some of the sh*tty things my X did and said and I WISH that I had stood up for myself then. But what I'm trying to do now is when those bursts of anger come up, I try to honor them. I try to sit with them a little and encourage myself to really feel the anger and to resolve that if anyone ever says anything like that to me again, I will say "Not cool." I will actually practice what I might say.


----------



## Another Planet

Just a hiccup. I literally just said you are either texting or had to much and it was only to let her know she needs to pay attention to the road and she assumed I was accusing her of something then her jumping to that conclusion made me wonder what the heck she had to be so paranoid about because of my trust issues. This is probably our ONLY issue in our relationship, it causes a little tension once in awhile but nothing a sleep won't take care of and she got pissed and told me to F off then went to bed lol now its all good again.


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> WH - are you telling T why you are saying "no"?
> 
> Seems to me like trying to hide things from your daughter is backfiring. Can't you have an open and honest discussion with her? If not specifically about T then about the fact that you will date in general? Don't rely on a little birdie - let D talk out her feelings and thoughts, then take your turn and negotiate some things. As Fenix said, she shouldn't be dictating your dating life - i.e. who you see - but to the extent that your time with your daughter is effected by your dating life in general, you can talk through and negotiate that.



Nah really can't agree FB , hey fb stands for u know , l'll have to think of something else to call ya :rofl:
But as Fenix was saying and it's something l feel strongly about. They shouldn't see any new people until you know it;s going to be something special . Even the Parental experts say this. 
But yep some things have backfired that's for sure , we can fix it though 
D and me skimmed it a bit over the hol's . That's the best way with her right now as it's just too soon for her yet, hell it's too soon for me . But she did really good.
Plus she's not only gone through all this but she's also had a really bad year at school and she's changing schools so she's got enough on her plate and we have to be very careful with her right now.
But it's ok , all sorted and we're going back along the lines of how Fenix has been handling her sitch. It'll settle down .
No she doesn't dictate anything, she hasn't even been around any others at all, it just makes it tricky the way this has panned out that's all and as l say with everything else she's got going on and they all lnow each other .

But T and me have talked about it a lot and l do explain to why l dom't think l should go to this or that. l'd actually love to go myself . She doesn't agree and wants to get our life going but her sitch is totally different to mine and she's been single for years.
Then there's still is little Tto consider at her end and she loves me so we have to be careful with her to as l didn't wanna get her hopes up , then her son.
But anyway , T's happy to work through it slower and she's good to go.

Unfortunately , the birdie is a friend and very reliable . l sorta suspected anyway as with a few vibes from d but anyway :rofl: , hopefully all is well with the world again soon :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Just a hiccup. I literally just said you are either texting or had to much and it was only to let her know she needs to pay attention to the road and she assumed I was accusing her of something then her jumping to that conclusion made me wonder what the heck she had to be so paranoid about because of my trust issues. This is probably our ONLY issue in our relationship, it causes a little tension once in awhile but nothing a sleep won't take care of and she got pissed and told me to F off then went to bed lol now its all good again.



l always wonder AP , where have your kids been through all this anyway . How have you been handling all that side of things ?
Bc it hasn't been that long for you guys either yet really.


----------



## moxy

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> But what’s your take on the mixed messages? I’ve never known a guy who is as attentive and affectionate with someone who he just considers a friend…. If you’re not ready/interested in a relationship right now…. If a relationship isn’t a priority with everything else going on in your life, then what’s with all the affection? Interesting too that when we “reconnect” after weeks of not seeing each other, he asks why I’m so standoffish as he’s laughing and pulling me close for a kiss…And again, this isn’t when we’re at my place, but out in public…


I think he likes you, but only wants to hang out when it's convenient or when he is in the mood. You're in his life, but you're not a fixture or a priority in it. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, though, unless you are looking for something more serious and substantial right now and feel like he has you hanging on to that hope without any real likely payoff. He's showing you the pace at which he would like things to go (and also that he's not sure of his destination) and it might be a good idea to consider if that's worthwhile to you or if you want to try your hand elsewhere. Have you both discussed what you want out of your connection? Might be worthwhile -- at least, for peace of mind.


----------



## RandomDude

> In Canada if your spouse was not working while you were together, after your divorce you have to pay them half your salary each month for half the number of years you were married. So for him that means he will have to pay her half his salary every month for the next six years. Plus...she gets half the assets. Half of his retirement fund. Half of the proceeds from the house when it sells. It is brutal.


=/


----------



## whitehawk

Jesus , needless to say the guys are probably very marriage shy in Canada :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

Just on the kids , incidentally as it's been coming up a lot and it is a huge issue.

Experts and studies recommend at the very min' , at least 12mths after your separation before the kids even see you with anyone else but say it really needs to be about 2yrs . No brainer l'd say .

And on introducing anybody new to them after that , you should have been seeing each other for at least 12mths , and only then , only introduce them to the kids slowly from there and then only , if you are sure it is going to be a lasting relationship and you are sure of where it is headed.

That's the advice and studies people. But as l say that's all a no brainer anyway yet strangely l've discovered a lot of divorcing people don't like to hear this . Many throw new people at them within mths even wks of the family breaking up, pretty selfish and very detrimental thing to do .


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Jesus , needless to say the guys are probably very marriage shy in Canada :rofl:


I can't believe it, frankly speaking... such a law sounds too criminal =/

And if child support was added to the mix? =O


----------



## RandomDude

Hell isn't Canada no fault divorce too btw?

So imagine you're married 20 years or so, found out your wife who you've supported as sole provider has been cheating on you, and if you divorce you stand to lose not only half your assets/half your super/half the proceeds of the house etc...

But for the next 10 years you STILL would have to support her?!

I'm surprised marriage even exists in Canada!


----------



## moxy

Worst pick up line of the week: 

I was filling my tank with gas, when a man came up to me and asked, "Are you a teacher?"
Thinking he must have encountered me somewhere, I replied, "Yeah! how did you know?"
He responded with, "Oh, for real? I was just going to say you've got a lot of class." 
I looked back, my expression totally disappointed, and said, "Oh, okay. Well, I really am a teacher, so I guess that's unexpected. Enjoy your evening, though." 
Do people seriously say things like this and expect anyone to take the bait? It sounds entirely too cliche.

Best one that still didn't work:

"Wait! You're 36? More like 26. Really?" Haha. The reason it pleased me was that he genuinely looked shocked. I declined to give him my phone number (I'm going to try guys over 30 for a change), but I was flattered, anyway.

Ne, I hope that some of those matches on Tinder came from men who found me either interesting or attractive for some aspect of my personal self and not solely acceptable on the basis my gender's fit within their heteronormative impulses! I know that my guy friends who use Tinder generally do swipe right wayyy more often (and with way less discrimination) than the women I know who use it, but I'd like to think that it has something to do with, at least, marginal mutual attraction because I do not swipe right often. Also, good that you are thinking about what it means to stand up for yourself and be aware of boundaries.

More on less frivolous thoughts and with a less cavalier attitude later. My heart is not in the dating thing because it is still hung up on Guy, but I dislike inactivity these days and he's not around and so I am going through the motions in the hopes of being pleasantly surprised by life. I guess I have to do something other than work sometimes.


----------



## Arendt

Moxy: I am glad to know that there are people in Texas who use the word "heteronormative." :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Hell isn't Canada no fault divorce too btw?
> 
> So imagine you're married 20 years or so, found out your wife who you've supported as sole provider has been cheating on you, and if you divorce you stand to lose not only half your assets/half your super/half the proceeds of the house etc...
> 
> But for the next 10 years you STILL would have to support her?!
> 
> I'm surprised marriage even exists in Canada!


Holy crap , to hell with that there's no way l'd be supporting her or forking out that stuff .


----------



## whitehawk

Cancel , get the feeling no one will get my humor , :lol:


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Just on the kids , incidentally as it's been coming up a lot and it is a huge issue.
> 
> Experts and studies recommend at the very min' , at least 12mths after your separation before the kids even see you with anyone else but say it really needs to be about 2yrs . No brainer l'd say .
> 
> And on introducing anybody new to them after that , you should have been seeing each other for at least 12mths , and only then , only introduce them to the kids slowly from there and then only , if you are sure it is going to be a lasting relationship and you are sure of where it is headed.
> 
> That's the advice and studies people. But as l say that's all a no brainer anyway yet strangely l've discovered a lot of divorcing people don't like to hear this . Many throw new people at them within mths even wks of the family breaking up, pretty selfish and very detrimental thing to do .


That is much more conservative than the studies I have read....and I have read a lot. Depends on the age of the kids too. The 12 months post separation sounds right though.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Holy crap , to hell with that there's no way l'd be supporting her or forking out that stuff .


Haha yeah, personally I'll be leaving the country!



moxy said:


> Worst pick up line of the week:
> 
> I was filling my tank with gas, when a man came up to me and asked, "Are you a teacher?"
> Thinking he must have encountered me somewhere, I replied, "Yeah! how did you know?"
> He responded with, "Oh, for real? I was just going to say you've got a lot of class."
> I looked back, my expression totally disappointed, and said, "Oh, okay. Well, I really am a teacher, so I guess that's unexpected. Enjoy your evening, though."
> Do people seriously say things like this and expect anyone to take the bait? It sounds entirely too cliche.


Bah! He ruined it after the first intro!



> "Wait! You're 36? More like 26. Really?" Haha. The reason it pleased me was that he genuinely looked shocked. I declined to give him my phone number (I'm going to try guys over 30 for a change), but I was flattered, anyway.


That's a line? Tis just a compliment no?


----------



## firebelly1

Yeah WH - it is no fault divorce and Professor is in exactly the situation you describe. His wife took up with another guy. And he still has to pay her way. The injustice of it is maddening to him. Understandably so.


----------



## RandomDude

=/ 

Anyway out of it? Declare bankruptcy maybe? lol


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Text messages...


Btw.... why the comment about text messages? lol


----------



## RandomDude

Just not a fan tis all

I try to encourage a more... natural form of communication whenever possible


----------



## OnMyOwnat50

moxy said:


> I think he likes you, but only wants to hang out when it's convenient or when he is in the mood. You're in his life, but you're not a fixture or a priority in it. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, though, unless you are looking for something more serious and substantial right now and feel like he has you hanging on to that hope without any real likely payoff. He's showing you the pace at which he would like things to go (and also that he's not sure of his destination) and it might be a good idea to consider if that's worthwhile to you or if you want to try your hand elsewhere. Have you both discussed what you want out of your connection? Might be worthwhile -- at least, for peace of mind.


Thanks, Moxi. We have talked about the different places we’re in our lives right now. I’m definitely more ready for a serious relationship than he is. He is tired of his work schedule and all the travel and is looking for a new job --- either in this area or in NYC. Although he doesn’t explicitly say it, my feeling is that he doesn’t want to get too involved in any relationship until his life is more settled, which is understandable. He doesn’t come right out and say “I am not interested in a serious relationship right now,” just talks about everything else that is going on in his life, which I guess is his way of saying that he has a busy life and not much time for extracurriculars, so either accept what’s left, or….. On the other hand, he has said several times “I know your daughters don’t like me” and “so, what are you going to tell your daughters?” My daughters are 25 and 22 and live in different states. He’s never met them. Why be concerned about what they think if he only wants a FB or FWB relationship? When he asked me what I was going to tell my daughters, I wanted to say “about what?”


----------



## 3Xnocharm

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> Thanks, Moxi. We have talked about the different places we’re in our lives right now. I’m definitely more ready for a serious relationship than he is. He is tired of his work schedule and all the travel and is looking for a new job --- either in this area or in NYC. Although he doesn’t explicitly say it, my feeling is that he doesn’t want to get too involved in any relationship until his life is more settled, which is understandable. He doesn’t come right out and say “I am not interested in a serious relationship right now,” just talks about everything else that is going on in his life, which I guess is his way of saying that he has a busy life and not much time for extracurriculars, so either accept what’s left, or….. On the other hand, he has said several times “I know your daughters don’t like me” and “so, what are you going to tell your daughters?” My daughters are 25 and 22 and live in different states. He’s never met them. Why be concerned about what they think if he only wants a FB or FWB relationship? When he asked me what I was going to tell my daughters, I wanted to say “about what?”


Honestly, he sounds like a waste of your time. Cut him loose so that you are freed up for the RIGHT one.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

If someone chats me up at the gas station or elsewhere, I'm world-weary enough to just think that they're trying to distract me while their partner takes my purse or rifles through it.


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If someone chats me up at the gas station or elsewhere, I'm world-weary enough to just think that they're trying to distract me while their partner takes my purse or rifles through it.


I was not in any way interested in the weirdo at the gas station. I fully expected the guy to panhandle for money or to try selling me some roadside incense. Trying to chat up someone random at a gas station: fail. Using a horribly cliche pick-up line when the random person you approached chooses to be civil toward you: epic fail.


----------



## RandomDude

He only asked you if you were a teacher 
Even if his following line was cliche lol

Give the poor man some credit for balls at least, most men are weary about approaching total strangers, especially female strangers


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Haha yeah, personally I'll be leaving the country!
> 
> 
> haha yep , exactly what l thought . Taxi - airport please :rofl:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> He only asked you if you were a teacher
> Even if his following line was cliche lol
> 
> Give the poor man some credit for balls at least, most men are weary about approaching total strangers, especially female strangers


One guy I met when I was in the military, I met in the parking lot of the base exchange. There was something not quite right with my car, they came over to help. We dated for a few years, but we broke up when I took a commission, he was enlisted and didn't like officers. LOL. (Actually I dated his roommate first, but he turned out to be a jerk.) His nickname was Putz! I think he married a woman we both knew who worked on the flightline as a mechanic <3

Still, we had some awesome times together. He's the only guy I ever enjoyed riding a motorcycle with. Funny, his best friend was stationed near me, after we all left the duty station we were at together, and used to take me out to eat, to concerts, and to the mall, where he would always offer to buy me anything I tried on for him at VS. I never did, but still :rofl:

Those were my friends back in the day. I miss "the day" but no regrets.


----------



## RandomDude

He broke up with you when you got a commission? Was he scared of you abusing your authority? lol

*sigh* I miss the superior officer game 
FWB just doesn't do it as good as ex, probably because ex had a more "dominant" side to her sexual personality


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> This is probably our ONLY issue in our relationship, it causes a little tension once in awhile but nothing a sleep won't take care of and she got pissed and told me to F off then went to bed lol now its all good again.


Well disrespect is not something to overlook. 

Think she can work on her communication skills...? Telling you to f off instead of trying to understand where you are coming from is immature and extremely disrespectful in my opinion.

And don't think you have "trust issues" and blow things off. Could be your inner self sensing something amiss... Who knows... Just don't self doubt if you feel "off" about her actions


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> He broke up with you when you got a commission? Was he scared of you abusing your authority? lol
> 
> *sigh* I miss the superior officer game
> FWB just doesn't do it as good as ex, probably because ex had a more "dominant" side to her sexual personality


We were both active duty. I wasn't going to forego a commission in order to pursue a relationship. In those days, I dated. I didn't date with a view to getting married. So when it wasn't possible to date, we broke up, sure. He had other options, I had a full salaried with benefits scholarship to a top rated university for three years followed by a near-guaranteed commission. By the way, commissioned officers or even officer trainees can't date enlisted. So even though I came from the ranks, yes, it was my obligation to stop seeing him. It's the life of a Putz. I'm sure he got over it and thinks as fondly of me as I do of him. We were both playing the game of survival, and we both knew the rules of that game. Nothing personal. Just survival.


----------



## ne9907

Moxy you are wise ð


----------



## moxy

Thanks, ne. That's kind. Wish I felt that way.

I am so exhausted tonight that I just want to cry. This kinda tired makes me feel lonely, but at the moment, there's no one I can turn to in bed and just say, "hold me?" It's not something I feel terribly often, but man what an emo night I'm having. I think I fell asleep and woke up in a country music video.


----------



## bandit.45

Sometimes I wake up feeling like my life is a bombed out Serbian village.


----------



## moxy

Bandit, that sucks.  I hope your tomorrow is better.

I hear that Mercury is in retrograde. Yeah. I like the idea of blaming a distant planet for "all the ills" today.


----------



## TooNice

Fenix said:


> Divorce has a nasty way of messing with a guy in the ED department.


Oh, Fenix...some of us can only hope this is true! Lol!

I'm so sorry...I just couldn't resist that. Wouldn't that be a kick for my STBX and his gal?


----------



## bandit.45

TooNice said:


> Oh, Fenix...some of us can only hope this is true! Lol!
> 
> I'm so sorry...I just couldn't resist that. Wouldn't that be a kick for my STBX and his gal?


ED isn't funny... Even when it comes and goes. It sucks being a guy in his mid40s watching what little of his manhood is left float away like a leaf on a stream, while women his age are hitting their sexual peaks. Fvcking sucks.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> I am so exhausted tonight that I just want to cry. This kinda tired makes me feel lonely, but at the moment, there's no one I can turn to in bed and just say, "hold me?" It's not something I feel terribly often, but man what an emo night I'm having. I think I fell asleep and woke up in a country music video.



Hugs. For whatever that's worth. One thing I've gotten from my limited time here is that we are anything but alone.

Some county music videos have some pretty hot men in them...


----------



## TooNice

bandit.45 said:


> ED isn't funny... Even when it comes and goes. It sucks being a guy in his mid40s watching what little of his manhood is left float away like a leaf on a stream, while women his age are hitting their sexual peaks. Fvcking sucks.


I'm so sorry, bandit. I truly meant no offense. Just had a little wine and feeling a bit salty this evening. I apologize.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> ED isn't funny... Even when it comes and goes. It sucks being a guy in his mid40s watching what little of his manhood is left float away like a leaf on a stream, while women his age are hitting their sexual peaks. Fvcking sucks.



Most women don't mind too much. There are plenty of ways of finding connection and satisfaction; that's what hands and tongues are for. Of course, it's also tough to be a woman with an over active libido who is with a man who gets grumpy about those issues. These topics are at the heart of so much turbulence, aren't they? I guess there's a reason people of both genders choose younger partners sometimes.  Aging is scary!



TooNice said:


> Hugs. For whatever that's worth. One thing I've gotten from my limited time here is that we are anything but alone.
> 
> 
> 
> Some county music videos have some pretty hot men in them...



Agreed on the videos. Plenty of hot cowboys in this town. My balcony has a great view.  Alas, combine hot guys with mopey attitudes and man...I wish I drank, sometimes.


----------



## bandit.45

TooNice said:


> I'm so sorry, bandit. I truly meant no offense. Just had a little wine and feeling a bit salty this evening. I apologize.


No no you didn't offend me at all. I took your post in the spirit in which it was meant. Peace. 

I'm a little raw tonight. Getting sh!t on by one more woman is...well....it's just getting old. Makes me just want to get a dog and be that mean, lonely old man who lives down at the end of the street.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Most women don't mind too much. There are plenty of ways of finding connection and satisfaction; that's what hands and tongues are for. Of course, it's also tough to be a woman with an over active libido who is with a man who gets grumpy about those issues. These topics are at the heart of so much turbulence, aren't they? I guess there's a reason people of both genders choose younger partners sometimes.  Aging is scary!
> 
> .


I like using my tongue and hands, probably more than my mini-me. 

You know it's funny...I grew up a cowboy, but I could never attract girls. It wasn't until I shed the boots and hat and became a football jock that I started getting dates.


----------



## whitehawk

Must be a health thing b , go get checked. l'm as happy as ever and have spoke with plenty of 70s even 80s still running hot n strong. Dad was still a rascal even at 80 , mum always complained:rofl:
Ex being a nurse was always complaining to about working with all the old guys :rofl:.
ps , vaginas age to in some pretty bad ways to you know . Anyway , go see a doc .


----------



## Fenix

TooNice said:


> Oh, Fenix...some of us can only hope this is true! Lol!
> 
> I'm so sorry...I just couldn't resist that. Wouldn't that be a kick for my STBX and his gal?


 TooNice, I am right there with you. I posted a similar sentiment in the convo about letting yourself go. It would be sweet justice for my db ex.



bandit.45 said:


> ED isn't funny... Even when it comes and goes. It sucks being a guy in his mid40s watching what little of his manhood is left float away like a leaf on a stream, while women his age are hitting their sexual peaks. Fvcking sucks.


 With the right woman, it is an opportunity to delve into something deeper. Total mind shift though.




bandit.45 said:


> No no you didn't offend me at all. I took your post in the spirit in which it was meant. Peace.
> 
> I'm a little raw tonight. Getting sh!t on by one more woman is...well....it's just getting old. Makes me just want to get a dog and be that mean, lonely old man who lives down at the end of the street.


Can't believe we don't have a hug emoticon. So, *hug* and dogs are cool. Mean, lonely old men generally have feral cats.


----------



## whitehawk

Well , gotta say l'm a bit concerned about things with T .
l haven't spoken about anything bar just some of the kids thing , which alone is pretty damn big if we ended up living together . lt's near impossible to get all that alone down here and l've left out a lot of it, gets pretty heavy stuff.
But for a man to take her on , he's gonna be taking on so much . She's had a pretty messed up life, through no real fault of her own mostly and the thing is , it goes wayyyyyyy back and it's as heavy as it gets. And the thing is , none of it is going away either , for a long long time.

Edit - as l feel a bit guilty going into too much detail.
But she is such a trooper with it all , mostly peaceful , calm . 
But , l just don't know about taking it all on though, on top of my last 4 or 5yrs ! But there's no way round it for her partner though .


----------



## whitehawk

We need a real hugger ,we need to feel the hug


----------



## whitehawk

How much , of another persons life , are we expected to deal with ?

Is it wrong to feel so into someone yet to feel there's just no way l wanna live with all her stuff ?

Like there's always gonna be stuff , but this isn't just stuff , this is epic !


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> How much , of another persons life , are we expected to deal with ?
> 
> Is it wrong to feel so into someone yet to feel there's just no way l wanna live with all her stuff ?
> 
> Like there's always gonna be stuff , but this isn't just stuff , this is epic !


That's not an easy question, esp. when you have your own d to consider. You want a healthy environment for her.

All I can say is give it time. It takes time for the crazy to come out. She is a trooper now, peaceful etc. But is she really?

Are you in a space where you can start detaching? Are you leaning that way? If so, that's ok too. You don't owe her anything...at this point.

It kind of stinks to think that our pasts carry too much baggage for some suitors. But, that is the reality. Some people can't handle it, and some people choose not to. If you choose not to, it does not make you a bad person.


----------



## whitehawk

You know Fenix , truth is l have no problem at all about taking on someone news life , good and bad . Not that l wanna be a fixer or anything but we're all gonna have stuff aren't we and l'd hope l can help her and her me , whoever she is. But T's , it's not just stuff , it's huge . And then as you say , my d , getting involved in that .

lf l want to detatch , l will have to force it on myself . l hate the thought of it , but l know l wouldn't be wanting to deal with all this for the next 20yrs either so , l just don't know.

Your right it's hard to say with T so soon , l can only go on what l see day so far but it's still honeymoon period for sure so.
l dunno , all can say is l've basically lived with little T for wks on end many times over at our place and she's the most gorgeous nature, very very gutsy but jsut such a nice nature amongst it. 
Well T just reminds me of her through and through.
People do tend to talk about her in that way too which is a biggie but l do notice they steer clear of stuff and one looked at me just the other day virtually saying umm , you sure about this !


----------



## Fenix

All I can say is go with your gut. You know what you can handle and you will protect your d.

People talk, and some people love to talk about the worst things in life. 

It says a lot about T that little t has such a gorgeous nature.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> ps , vaginas age to in some pretty bad ways to you know . .


:lol:

I have looked at my vagina plenty of times. Mine is pretty. I love how it looks and feels..... TMI??


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> All I can say is go with your gut. You know what you can handle and you will protect your d.
> 
> People talk, and some people love to talk about the worst things in life.
> 
> It says a lot about T that little t has such a gorgeous nature.



Yeah it does . Like l never knew T very well before but the more l know her now the more l see the two of them.


----------



## moxy

I'm mopey because I miss Guy. Logic says, move on to someone else; so, I'm going through the motions. Though I met a couple of people on Tinder, which is good, I feel weird talking to them. I chatted on the phone with someone today and he was nice, but in the back of my head was the thought that it wasn't Guy's voice or speech patterns and that felt strange. Perhaps I'm not ready for someone new.


----------



## vi_bride04

Why push yourself, moxy?


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Well , gotta say l'm a bit concerned about things with T .
> l haven't spoken about anything bar just some of the kids thing , which alone is pretty damn big if we ended up living together . lt's near impossible to get all that alone down here and l've left out a lot of it, gets pretty heavy stuff.
> But for a man to take her on , he's gonna be taking on so much . She's had a pretty messed up life, through no real fault of her own mostly and the thing is , it goes wayyyyyyy back and it's as heavy as it gets. And the thing is , none of it is going away either , for a long long time.
> 
> Edit - as l feel a bit guilty going into too much detail.
> But she is such a trooper with it all , mostly peaceful , calm .
> But , l just don't know about taking it all on though, on top of my last 4 or 5yrs ! But there's no way round it for her partner though .


Dude, if she has FOO issues, you are going to be setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Seriously. I'd be thinking about self preservation about now.

You are right...most of it may not have been her fault, but you know what? That's not your problem. 

I see alot of me in you. You're a KISA like me. Well I've been trying my hardest to bend my sword into a curly-q and shed the chrome...I used to think I had to save and protect the women in my life. I was a dumbass. 

Know what? They really didn't want saving, and the more I tried, the more I pushed them away.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> :lol:
> 
> I have looked at my vagina plenty of times. Mine is pretty. I love how it looks and feels..... TMI??


I like a pretty puss.

Now penises? Not that I look at them, but mine's pretty weird looking. Kind of has a fire hydrant thing going....





Why the fvck do I share this stuff?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> I like a pretty puss.
> 
> Now penises? Not that I look at them, but mine's pretty weird looking. Kind of has a fire hydrant thing going....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why the fvck do I share this stuff?


I have been told mine is beautiful!

Only had a few ****s in my life that were "angelic" moments... They are quite ugly, aren't they?? Lol


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> I have been told mine is beautiful!
> 
> Only had a few ****s in my life that were "angelic" moments... They are quite ugly, aren't they?? Lol


Like...long stemmed mushrooms.


----------



## firebelly1

whitehawk said:


> Well , gotta say l'm a bit concerned about things with T .
> l haven't spoken about anything bar just some of the kids thing , which alone is pretty damn big if we ended up living together . lt's near impossible to get all that alone down here and l've left out a lot of it, gets pretty heavy stuff.
> But for a man to take her on , he's gonna be taking on so much . She's had a pretty messed up life, through no real fault of her own mostly and the thing is , it goes wayyyyyyy back and it's as heavy as it gets. And the thing is , none of it is going away either , for a long long time.
> 
> Edit - as l feel a bit guilty going into too much detail.
> But she is such a trooper with it all , mostly peaceful , calm .
> But , l just don't know about taking it all on though, on top of my last 4 or 5yrs ! But there's no way round it for her partner though .


While I think it means you be careful but I also think it can just mean...get as involved or not according to what you are comfortable with. I have actually seriously entertained the thought that I might not want to live with an SO again. Or, at least, not for a long time. Like I'd want to date someone for a couple of years before I thought about cohabitating. If he had kids...I'd be fine being at my place while he spends time with him. It doesn't have to look any particular way. I just need to be clear about what I do and don't want or what I'm ready for or not.


----------



## RandomDude

Sometimes I wonder what a woman truly means when she compliments you with "you make me feel like a woman"

Any chance of a womanese translation?


----------



## firebelly1

You give her cramps?


----------



## RandomDude

Lol

And tis why women are so mysterious, for they compliment men for giving them cramps!


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Lol
> 
> And tis why women are so mysterious, for they compliment men for giving them cramps!


And bloating....the nine month kind.


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Like...long stemmed mushrooms.


I am all about how they work..don't give a dang on how they look. As long as they are healthy, that is. 




> RandomDude
> Re: The singles of TAM
> Sometimes I wonder what a woman truly means when she compliments you with "you make me feel like a woman"
> 
> Any chance of a womanese translation?


Hmmm...you take care of her and she feels protected, but she also feels powerful because you are responsive to her.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes I wonder what a woman truly means when she compliments you with "you make me feel like a woman"
> 
> 
> 
> Any chance of a womanese translation?



You make her feel sexy and desirable. That's a GOOD thing.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> All I can say is go with your gut. You know what you can handle and you will protect your d.
> 
> People talk, and some people love to talk about the worst things in life.
> 
> It says a lot about T that little t has such a gorgeous nature.


Ah they say really nice things about her it's not that , but people around her also know what l will have to take on and that's the hmm part . 
Anyway , time will give me some answers l hope 

It's such a shame. Things that have happened in her life , more like exploded , aren't the person , just very unfortunate extras , mostly from family and ex's.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Dude, if she has FOO issues, you are going to be setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Seriously. I'd be thinking about self preservation about now.
> 
> You are right...most of it may not have been her fault, but you know what? That's not your problem.
> 
> I see alot of me in you. You're a KISA like me. Well I've been trying my hardest to bend my sword into a curly-q and shed the chrome...I used to think I had to save and protect the women in my life. I was a dumbass.
> 
> Know what? They really didn't want saving, and the more I tried, the more I pushed them away.



Yeah l don't wanna save anyone either. fk that l've just finished saving myself . 
No one could do jack about T's stuff anyway tbh , it's all external crap around her , families , ex;s . But l'd be in the thick of it no matter what , no avoiding it. 
Not good


----------



## whitehawk

Sounds like you been getting to cosey again rd , race outside and eat a few razor blades before you go mushy on us :rofl:


----------



## Fenix

What are FOO issues?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> What are FOO issues?


Pretty sure its family of origin...


----------



## movealong

Question for the ladies:

You are getting ready for a date and are in the middle of blow drying your hair when the blow dryer stops working. How do you handle that knowing your date is less than 30 minutes from meeting you at the restaurant?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm mopey because I miss Guy. Logic says, move on to someone else; so, I'm going through the motions. Though I met a couple of people on Tinder, which is good, I feel weird talking to them. I chatted on the phone with someone today and he was nice, but in the back of my head was the thought that it wasn't Guy's voice or speech patterns and that felt strange. Perhaps I'm not ready for someone new.


Yep, you are not ready for someone new. I am reading a new book called "Never Be Lonely Again"
I was doubtful, but it is enjoyable and helpful. I was extremely anxious last night, I was thinking about Blue a lot, so I began reading and this morning I feel pretty awesome. Transient emotions pass, there is no use gettign attached to these emotions because we will only suffer.



bandit.45 said:


> I like a pretty puss.
> 
> Now penises? Not that I look at them, but mine's pretty weird looking. Kind of has a fire hydrant thing going....


I love me a pretty penis. What makes a penis pretty, you ask? the color, the girth, the length, even some of the veins produting, yeah.... pretty penis 



RandomDude said:


> Sometimes I wonder what a woman truly means when she compliments you with "you make me feel like a woman"
> 
> Any chance of a womanese translation?


You probably gave her a mind blowing orgasm and she had not experience them often. Be careful! I agree with WH, you are delving into things you do not want to!! Mushy feelings incoming your way 



movealong said:


> Question for the ladies:
> 
> You are getting ready for a date and are in the middle of blow drying your hair when the blow dryer stops working. How do you handle that knowing your date is less than 30 minutes from meeting you at the restaurant?


I do not blow dry my har, however if I would. I would call you, say I am having some issues and would be a bit late. If I am superconscious of my hair but still want to see you very much, I would put it in a pony tail and apologize for looking a mess when I see you.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Should I bible-bash FWB again with "thou shalt not fall in love" due to her comment? Or let it pass? Or disappear for some time?


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Should I bible-bash FWB again with "thou shalt not fall in love" due to her comment? Or let it pass? Or disappear for some time?


You should say it again that you do not and will not fall in love. We women tend to get feelings once sex is on the table 

I am an expert!!


----------



## RandomDude

Can I say it playfully? Tis just that we've been having quite a good run lately and I was actually thinking of taking her overseas with me for a holiday next month since shes been such a good friend. 

But I guess tis a bad idea I guess... I had hoped her comment didn't mean anything but I guess tis not the case 
Maybe we've been getting a little too close, we've started going skin to skin as we've been exclusive for quite some time now.


----------



## RandomDude

Reminds me of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJL4UGSbeFg

I feel like a woman! Errr not me of course... =/


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Can I say it playfully? Tis just that we've been having quite a good run lately and I was actually thinking of taking her overseas with me for a holiday next month since shes been such a good friend.
> 
> But I guess tis a bad idea I guess... I had hoped her comment didn't mean anything but I guess tis not the case
> Maybe we've been getting a little too close, we've started going skin to skin as we've been exclusive for quite some time now.


Some men just want to watch the world burn!! 

Dude, I think it is time to begin analyzing your feelings for this woman. You want to take her on a holiday?? 
That screams emotional attachment, that screams committment, that screams boyfriend/girlfriend.

I actually think it is great! Perhaps you should move towards that directions. It is not that much different than FWB, except that you ackowledge your feelings for her. 

Enjoy the feeling of connectivity with another human being, make her your girlfriend. Nothing will need to change except the title. 
Stop fighting with yourself homie :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

What what? Oh no no no, she's just a friend! Bah! I'm going overseas anyways and it beats going alone. Now ok sure I can bring another mate but this one gives me great sex so she's top choice lol

More worried if there's emotions on her side, considering what she said, was going to wave it off but meh I got suss

Oh well, I'll probe her abit and see if she's still emotionally safe enough to take on holiday... though what if she falls for me while on vacation? Nah maybe not a good idea eh if we wanna keep it FWB?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Nah maybe not a good idea eh if we wanna keep it FWB?


Nope, bad idea.


----------



## ne9907

Here is my conundrum. I am for the most part cured of Blue, his wife posted a picture of them together. She is pretty, and I hate to admit it but I am so much better looking than she is... Am I comparing myself to her because I feel jealousy? because I want blue? 
I actually do not think so. I do not want Blue, I am not jealous of her. I actually wish them to reconcile all their problems and be happy. 
I am admonishing myself a lot because I feel superior to her and to him ..... ugh... might be my self esteem compensating for the rejection. But I seriously doubt it.

Too much thinking... just thoughts... haha
Oh and do not tell me to stop checking her social media, I will do it on my time. Checking on ex's social media helped me tremendous in the healing proccess... I have an obsessive personality.


----------



## RandomDude

BAH! No fun!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> She is pretty, and I hate to admit it but I am so much better looking than she is...


:rofl:

Ladies... seriously lol


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Ladies... seriously lol


Exactly!!!

That is why i am admonishing myself!! This thinking is oh so shallow..... why the hell do I care??


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Here is my conundrum. I am for the most part cured of Blue, his wife posted a picture of them together. She is pretty, and I hate to admit it but I am so much better looking than she is... Am I comparing myself to her because I feel jealousy? because I want blue?
> I actually do not think so. I do not want Blue, I am not jealous of her. I actually wish them to reconcile all their problems and be happy.
> I am admonishing myself a lot because I feel superior to her and to him ..... ugh... might be my self esteem compensating for the rejection. But I seriously doubt it.
> 
> Too much thinking... just thoughts... haha
> Oh and do not tell me to stop checking her social media, I will do it on my time. Checking on ex's social media helped me tremendous in the healing proccess... I have an obsessive personality.


She is having to post photos.
Personally, I think any time there is a constructive narrative, there is a need for the construction, as in, things fell apart. 
Don't worry, the stress will make her ugly in no time. But be careful, it could do the same to you. Find something else to do with your social media time...it takes only 10 days to form a new habit. Sure, 10 days of hardship, but in 10 days you'll realize how little he contributed to your actual life and how much of it was construed fantasizing/non-reality.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies:
> 
> You are getting ready for a date and are in the middle of blow drying your hair when the blow dryer stops working. How do you handle that knowing your date is less than 30 minutes from meeting you at the restaurant?


Go for the natural look.


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> What what? Oh no no no, she's just a friend! Bah! I'm going overseas anyways and it beats going alone. Now ok sure I can bring another mate but this one gives me great sex so she's top choice lol
> 
> More worried if there's emotions on her side, considering what she said, was going to wave it off but meh I got suss
> 
> Oh well, I'll probe her abit and see if she's still emotionally safe enough to take on holiday... though what if she falls for me while on vacation? Nah maybe not a good idea eh if we wanna keep it FWB?


You overthink things. Just go and relax. Let her be responsible for her feelings. You can be exclusive FWBs until it is no longer fun.


----------



## Fenix

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> She is having to post photos.
> Personally, I think any time there is a constructive narrative, there is a need for the construction, as in, things fell apart.
> *Don't worry, the stress will make her ugly in no time. *But be careful, it could do the same to you. Find something else to do with your social media time...it takes only 10 days to form a new habit. Sure, 10 days of hardship, but in 10 days you'll realize how little he contributed to your actual life and how much of it was construed fantasizing/non-reality.


Wow...I don't even know what to say to this.

ne, you are comparing yourself to her to try to figure out where blue's head is. That doesn't mean you want him. However, (and this is big) what you are doing is not good. It objectifies both you and his wife...who has done nothing wrong.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies:
> 
> You are getting ready for a date and are in the middle of blow drying your hair when the blow dryer stops working. How do you handle that knowing your date is less than 30 minutes from meeting you at the restaurant?


Depends on how fancy the occasion is. I can spritz and scrunch, tease a little and go for the messy bed-head/windblown look, put it up in a clip/messy bun or low ponytail with lots of loose pieces around my face OR I use a hair clip to pull my long bangs to the side and/or a headband and the rest just brush and go.

My hair doesn't really do a whole lot whether I style it or not. And usually any styles I do all look the same after about 3-4 hours.

BUT I'd just go to my hall bath and use my daughter's.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> She is having to post photos.
> Personally, I think any time there is a constructive narrative, there is a need for the construction, as in, things fell apart.
> Don't worry, the stress will make her ugly in no time. But be careful, it could do the same to you. Find something else to do with your social media time...it takes only 10 days to form a new habit. Sure, 10 days of hardship, but in 10 days you'll realize how little he contributed to your actual life and how much of it was construed fantasizing/non-reality.


I do not wish her any ill. She is probably clueless about the entire thing. I feel such compassion for her, where is this coming from???? I am certainly not better than she is!!





Fenix said:


> Wow...I don't even know what to say to this.
> 
> ne, you are comparing yourself to her to try to figure out where blue's head is. That doesn't mean you want him. However, (and this is big) what you are doing is not good. It objectifies both you and his wife...who has done nothing wrong.


I agree. I know it is not a good thing to feel this way...
There are so many natural feelings that I have never experienced. While most of us get our morals, ethics, and boundaries from our parents I did not. Perhaps that is why I feel compassion for her, because I know she has done nothing wrong but love her husband.


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies:
> 
> You are getting ready for a date and are in the middle of blow drying your hair when the blow dryer stops working. How do you handle that knowing your date is less than 30 minutes from meeting you at the restaurant?


If I was almost done with my hair I would pull out my flat iron to finish it and text my date that I'm running ten minutes or so late. I would also apologize in person but not give a reason for why I was running late.

If my hair was nowhere close to being done I would put it in a braid or chignon and probably be somewhat uncomfortable the first 10-15 minutes on the date. I really like to wear my hair down on a first meeting. 

If the chemistry was good though, I would totally forget about my hair. Probably including what color it is!


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Here is my conundrum. I am for the most part cured of Blue, his wife posted a picture of them together. She is pretty, and I hate to admit it but I am so much better looking than she is... Am I comparing myself to her because I feel jealousy? because I want blue?
> I actually do not think so. I do not want Blue, I am not jealous of her. I actually wish them to reconcile all their problems and be happy.
> I am admonishing myself a lot because I feel superior to her and to him ..... ugh... might be my self esteem compensating for the rejection. But I seriously doubt it.
> 
> Too much thinking... just thoughts... haha
> Oh and do not tell me to stop checking her social media, I will do it on my time. Checking on ex's social media helped me tremendous in the healing proccess... I have an obsessive personality.


Honestly, I think this is pretty normal. We all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but also it's sometimes just painfully obvious who appeals more to a mass audience. Also keeping in mind that attraction is a HIGHLY subjective science. Have a baby sitter with a chipped tooth you develop a crush on at 7 and you'll probably be attracted to people with messed up dental work your entire life. 

As stated above, it's a normal behavior but I wouldn't say it's a particularly healthy one. It's ok to have that thought as your own personal truth, but I wouldn't dwell on it or use it as a justification you are superior to her though in any way. That type of thinking manifests from insecurity and it's important not to feed it. 

Question ne - since you do spend time looking at her FB profile, are you going to tell her about Blue? If not, I would say cease the checkups ASAP.


----------



## firebelly1

movealong said:


> Question for the ladies:
> 
> You are getting ready for a date and are in the middle of blow drying your hair when the blow dryer stops working. How do you handle that knowing your date is less than 30 minutes from meeting you at the restaurant?


I would use my backup blow dryer or my daughter's. Who only has one blow dryer in their house? But for the sake of argument, let's say I only had one. I would either put on a hat and run to the store to buy a new one, and / or call my date and let them know I will be 1/2 hour late. That's about how long it would take for the rest of my hair to dry naturally so i can then do the rest of the stuff I do with it.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> What what? Oh no no no, she's just a friend! Bah! I'm going overseas anyways and it beats going alone. Now ok sure I can bring another mate but this one gives me great sex so she's top choice lol
> 
> More worried if there's emotions on her side, considering what she said, was going to wave it off but meh I got suss
> 
> Oh well, I'll probe her abit and see if she's still emotionally safe enough to take on holiday... though what if she falls for me while on vacation? Nah maybe not a good idea eh if we wanna keep it FWB?


You may not have seen Bridget Jone's Diary - "A mini-break means true love." Holiday to her is going to mean you like her as more than FWB. But NE has a point, how can you really define it as just FWB if you're going on holiday together? I'm just really curious now as to how you think a girlfriend is different than a FWB. 

"You make me feel like a woman" - if I were saying that I would say it means that you bring out my sexiest self. I wouldn't necessarily mean it as "feelings." 

And...no amount of "thou shall not" is going to change things if her feelings are there. What do you think keeping your feelings in check means? Do you think you can really help who you fall in love with? The only method I have found of having my feelings not grow for someone is to not be around them and not contact them. If I have feelings for them, no amount of rationalizing is going to change that if I also am having sex with them and spending time with them.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I agree. I know it is not a good thing to feel this way...
> There are so many natural feelings that I have never experienced. While most of us get our morals, ethics, and boundaries from our parents I did not. Perhaps that is why I feel compassion for her, because I know she has done nothing wrong but love her husband.



I think feeling compassion for her is entirely appropriate. The thing is that society has conditioned women (in particular) to compete on looks and in doing so, we objectify ourselves.


----------



## movealong

Thanks for the replies to my question. I got a cancellation, as I was driving to the restaurant, because her hair dryer stopped working. My first reaction was to think what most of you mentioned: delay for 15-30 minutes, or go with the natural/wet look and not make a fuss over it. She seemed genuinely upset, but it just flew all over me because I could easily have waited another 30 minutes, instead she cancelled. It is okay though because we had not met each other and I can move on without a problem.

I had the best date so far today. She and I have been chatting for a week or so and decided to meet. We met for lunch and what I thought might be a 30-45 minute "get to know each other" turned in to an hour and a half of laughter and great conversation. We each have things going this weekend, but we're discussing getting together next week/weekend.


eta - different girl from cancellation


----------



## RandomDude

It's not so special to travel somewhere with mates, and that's all she is to me, with the exception of the benefits.

However, I guess I would have to reaffirm our status as FWBs prior to taking her on vacation so she won't get the wrong impression. 

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, besides we've been FWBs for quite some time now and nothing has happened, and she has shown no signs of wanting anything more either than that minor comment.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> Thanks for the replies to my question. I got a cancellation, as I was driving to the restaurant, because her hair dryer stopped working. My first reaction was to think what most of you mentioned: delay for 15-30 minutes, or go with the natural/wet look and not make a fuss over it. She seemed genuinely upset, but it just flew all over me because I could easily have waited another 30 minutes, instead she cancelled. It is okay though because we had not met each other and I can move on without a problem.
> 
> I had the best date so far today. She and I have been chatting for a week or so and decided to meet. We met for lunch and what I thought might be a 30-45 minute "get to know each other" turned in to an hour and a half of laughter and great conversation. We each have things going this weekend, but we're discussing getting together next week/weekend.
> 
> 
> eta - different girl from cancellation


You dodged a bullet!! Be happy.


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> It's not so special to travel somewhere with mates, and that's all she is to me, with the exception of the benefits.
> 
> However, I guess I would have to reaffirm our status as FWBs prior to taking her on vacation so she won't get the wrong impression.
> 
> Or maybe I'm just thinking too much, besides we've been FWBs for quite some time now and nothing has happened, and she has shown no signs of wanting anything more either than that minor comment.


You could always say "I know we are just friends but it would be great if you could come with me to Timbuktu, yada yada yada"


----------



## RandomDude

Heh I like the term "just friends", hell I must have used it 10,000x with FWB. Heck, even got to know her better probably by using that term, "you can tell me anything, we're just friends!" lol

Ah, just friends!


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Question ne - since you do spend time looking at her FB profile, are you going to tell her about Blue? If not, I would say cease the checkups ASAP.


I will not tell her. She looks so happy in his company, she doesnt know anything is wrong. I bet they were indeed separated (perhaps I am telling myself that as justification)

I sound like a coward, but I do not wish to rain on her parade...

Blue had no feelings for me, it was just sex for him (more coward talk).

I will cease the checkups.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I will not tell her. She looks so happy in his company, she doesnt know anything is wrong. I bet they were indeed separated (perhaps I am telling myself that as justification)
> 
> I sound like a coward, but I do not wish to rain on her parade...
> 
> Blue had no feelings for me, it was just sex for him (more coward talk).
> 
> I will cease the checkups.


She probably knows.
I bet he has a 'history' of this kind of behavior.
She's only looking happy because she won, again.
He probably likes the hysterical bonding sex. 
Men like this know how to push it just so far.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> She probably knows.
> I bet he has a 'history' of this kind of behavior.
> She's only looking happy because she won, again.
> He probably likes the hysterical bonding sex.
> Men like this know how to push it just so far.


ouch, i hope not 
That is one sad life to live...


----------



## moxy

vi -- I may not be ready to move on to more dating; you're right that I shouldn't push myself. I just know that I have a tendency toward solitude and stasis and I am kinda afraid of falling in to it. Maybe I just need to chill out. The guy I met on Tinder seems a little pushy and presumptuous already; with Guy, I felt very easy and comfortable and safe and I'm not feeling that way with this other person. 

ne -- You're being competitive because you're feeling the vacuum where you had an FWB. His desire to reconcile with his wife had nothing to do with you; so, that competition is just misplaced energy. You can choose to compete more productively by displacing your energy. I think you should set aside comparisons with her and focus on comparing your feelings in your relationship with Blue Eyes to your relationships with your previous exes; you'll still be using that analytical energy, but you'll be benefitting yourself, too. 

movealong -- I'd let my hair air dry while I applied cosmetics, then I'd flat-iron it to get rid of the frizz or just go with half-dry hair. 30 minutes is plenty of time. If I were running late, I'd probably text at or near the time of the date/appointment. However….I'm not a terribly punctual person when it comes to social events. It's possible that a broken hair-dryer upset her enough to cancel (especially if she has issues with her hair or her appearance) and if you think so, you could give her another try….but if she is flaky a second time, let her go. That's what I would suggest. 

RD -- Don't go on a mini-break if you want to keep it casual. If you do go on a mini-break, even when it is casual, be sure to say to her that you are inviting her along because it might be fun for you both, but you don't want her to think that you are any more serious about changing the status of your relationship; then, leave it up to her to decide if she wants to join you or not. Harping on not having feelings for her will be annoying, but letting her know that your intentions have not changed is a decent thing to do.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He probably likes the hysterical bonding sex.
> Men like this know how to push it just so far.


Yeah; it's one way to keep things exciting in a relationship.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> vi -- I may not be ready to move on to more dating; you're right that I shouldn't push myself. I just know that I have a tendency toward solitude and stasis and I am kinda afraid of falling in to it. Maybe I just need to chill out. The guy I met on Tinder seems a little pushy and presumptuous already; with Guy, I felt very easy and comfortable and safe and I'm not feeling that way with this other person.


Don't be scared of falling into solitude. Do things you enjoy with friends, gfs especially, if you can. Just step away from the c0ck for a month or two and see how you feel


----------



## firebelly1

vi_bride04 said:


> ... step away from the c0ck for a month or two and see how you feel


Nooooooooo!!!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I will not tell her. She looks so happy in his company, she doesnt know anything is wrong. I bet they were indeed separated (perhaps I am telling myself that as justification)
> 
> I sound like a coward, but I do not wish to rain on her parade...
> 
> Blue had no feelings for me, it was just sex for him (more coward talk).
> 
> I will cease the checkups.


Are there kiddos involved for them?


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, I think I've got a date with the cute backstage girl. We're going for coffee at a bookstore halfway between our houses - once the final arrangements are st, that is. 

She's only 20, but she's darn easy to talk to - and cute, too. She even collects comic books, although mostly DC, which I think shows a frankly appalling lack of taste, but then, she is going out with me, so... hmmm. I still have no idea if this is going to fall better into the category of 'date' or 'hang out with a pal.' Most of the time, I do tend towards the latter - curse my generally easygoing and affable nature! Frankly, either way, I'll be good to get out of the house for a bit - I don't think I've seen another person for about two weeks now, barring the new job starting yesterday.


----------



## Fenix

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> She probably knows.
> I bet he has a 'history' of this kind of behavior.
> *She's only looking happy because she won, again.*
> He probably likes the hysterical bonding sex.
> Men like this know how to push it just so far.


wow. Are you really that cynical?



moxy said:


> ne -- You're being competitive because you're feeling the vacuum where you had an FWB. His desire to reconcile with his wife had nothing to do with you; so, that competition is just misplaced energy. You can choose to compete more productively by displacing your energy. I think you should set aside comparisons with her and focus on comparing your feelings in your relationship with Blue Eyes to your relationships with your previous exes; you'll still be using that analytical energy, but you'll be benefitting yourself, too.


Good advice here.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> ouch, i hope not
> That is one sad life to live...


It's a reality. I found it difficult to believe too, until I experienced it and saw it up close and very personal.
Some people do not want what we might consider a 'normal' partnered life. Instead they prefer one upping women and getting as much sex as they can in the process. It's a power trip. Usually by misogynists, who are masters of feminine psychology, but only to 'win'. They are also masters of disguise and very good at acting. These are the kids who honed their skills while still connected to the apron strings. 

You'd do well to avoid them.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Fenix said:


> wow. Are you really that cynical?


No. Realistic.
And, having been in her shoes.
And seen other women in her shoes...for whatever reason, I often end up being a fly on the wall or a confidant, so I have seen a lot of this.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> Yeah; it's one way to keep things exciting in a relationship.


I wouldn't call it a relationship though.
I mean, the person who thinks they are reconciling might think it's a relationship and they're saving it, but for the manipulator, it's just trophy sex and staking territory.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Are there kiddos involved for them?


yes, one.


----------



## Almostrecovered

vi_bride04 said:


> Just step away from the c0ck


LOOK OUT! It's gonna blow!!!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

movealong said:


> Thanks for the replies to my question. I got a cancellation, as I was driving to the restaurant, because her hair dryer stopped working. My first reaction was to think what most of you mentioned: delay for 15-30 minutes, or go with the natural/wet look and not make a fuss over it. She seemed genuinely upset, but it just flew all over me because I could easily have waited another 30 minutes, instead she cancelled. It is okay though because we had not met each other and I can move on without a problem.
> 
> I had the best date so far today. She and I have been chatting for a week or so and decided to meet. We met for lunch and what I thought might be a 30-45 minute "get to know each other" turned in to an hour and a half of laughter and great conversation. We each have things going this weekend, but we're discussing getting together next week/weekend.
> 
> 
> eta - different girl from cancellation


I realize that some women might have 'difficult' hair and are very focused on their appearance and this would really upset their little apple cart. But to me that screams high maintenance when it upsets her so much she can't get it together after that. It's one thing to need longer for Plan B hair or run out and get a new one but it seems like poor coping skills to let it derail the entire evening. Most people can joke about themselves 'Hi, lucky you, you get to see the natural look! Haha!" instead of OMG I can't let anyone see me like this. 

Glad you and the other gal hit it off!


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I wouldn't call it a relationship though.
> I mean, the person who thinks they are reconciling might think it's a relationship and they're saving it, but for the manipulator, it's just trophy sex and staking territory.


If that's the primary way hat the couple keeps things exciting, I wouldn't call it a GOOD relationship, but...it is a relationship. I do understand the desire to create absence in order to make the heart grow fonder and the lust intensify, but those actions are manipulative, to an extent.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't be scared of falling into solitude. Do things you enjoy with friends, gfs especially, if you can.


Well, if left to my natural instincts, I'd be a hermit who just read books all the time and once in a while emerged because she wanted someone to hook up with. That's probably not great. I'm making an effort to be less solitary and more social. It's easy for me to fall into depression and I've been tipping my toes (or maybe wading a bit) into that pool lately. I see your point: spend time with friends.



vi_bride04 said:


> Just step away from the c0ck for a month or two and see how you feel


I literally LOLed. I've been a month without now and I am restless as all hell. The trouble is that I'm hung up on someone who isn't around anymore and it sucks. 

I know that I'm not going to be satisfied with someone random and new. And, I know I just need to wait a while until my feelings subside, but man...I'm horny.  And, the petulant parts of my personality want to throw a little tantrum about it, though those parts of me get very little say in my life.



firebelly1 said:


> Nooooooooo!!!!!!


Ha. That's what I thought, too. 

Oh, I miss sex. 



Almostrecovered said:


> LOOK OUT! It's gonna blow!!!


That's the plan! Or, it should be....


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> If that's the primary way hat the couple keeps things exciting, I wouldn't call it a GOOD relationship, but...it is a relationship. I do understand the desire to create absence in order to make the heart grow fonder and the lust intensify, but those actions are manipulative, to an extent.


That's the whole point, I'm afraid.
It's a power maneuver. 
In no way did I mean that it's something the couple both do to keep the 'relationship' exciting. I meant that the guy in this instance is pushing the limits of his wife in order to get 'trophy' bonding sex. It's not to make her heart grow fonder, but to increase the slot-machine syndrome with pay out benefits for him. She probably wants a more traditional relationship, and for whatever reason thinks she is going to get it, but my bets are that like the FWB/FB relationship, it's just a sham. A guy needs a place to hang his hat. And a wife comes in handy, because he can always lure in new prey with a 'frigid' wife. 

In small town living, you get to know a lot by observing and listening. Also as a single women, you hear it all. I was in the military, you wouldn't believe the number of guys that came onto me, pretending to be single/separated/divorced...most of the time I knew either their wives or their kids. And I had ways of checking up on them, if they weren't so stupid as to miss the obvious (tan lines, ring in pocket, etc.)


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That's the whole point, I'm afraid.
> It's a power maneuver.
> In no way did I mean that it's something the couple both do to keep the 'relationship' exciting. I meant that the guy in this instance is pushing the limits of his wife in order to get 'trophy' bonding sex. It's not to make her heart grow fonder, but to increase the slot-machine syndrome with pay out benefits for him. She probably wants a more traditional relationship, and for whatever reason thinks she is going to get it, but my bets are that like the FWB/FB relationship, it's just a sham. A guy needs a place to hang his hat. And a wife comes in handy, because he can always lure in new prey with a 'frigid' wife.
> 
> In small town living, you get to know a lot by observing and listening. Also as a single women, you hear it all. *I was in the military, you wouldn't believe the number of guys that came onto me, pretending to be single/separated/divorced...most of the time I knew either their wives or their kids.* And I had ways of checking up on them, if they weren't so stupid as to miss the obvious (tan lines, ring in pocket, etc.)


I must chime in on this. I also see it very often. I am currently working in a military setting, 90% of coworkers are male. Yes, about 80% of them would say yes, if I offered to sleep with them. Most of them are married. 
A few months ago, my previous commanding officer hit on me. He is married with two children and I am enlisted!! WTF?
Anyway, this commanding officer will become my boss next month. I am a bit worried about it.
I do not fvck married men, and I do not fvck officers!

Anyway, the military men are their own breed. Most of them resent women in the higher ranks. I recently got promoted and I can see their resentment. Some of this resentment borders in confusion. One in particular looks at me and acts like a stupid elementary school kid with a crush (yes, he is married) but always gives me hell with business.
I swear if he could pull my hair and steal my pencils, he would!!!

Having a good day anyway. I love the full moon!! I might drive to the beach and catch the sunset. I tried yesterday but I was late!!
I found out there is a scarecrow festival in a nearby beach town. I might go.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I must chime in on this. I also see it very often. I am currently working in a military setting, 90% of coworkers are male. Yes, about 80% of them would say yes, if I offered to sleep with them. Most of them are married.
> A few months ago, my previous commanding officer hit on me. He is married with two children and I am enlisted!! WTF?
> Anyway, this commanding officer will become my boss next month. I am a bit worried about it.
> I do not fvck married men, and I do not fvck officers!
> 
> Anyway, the military men are their own breed. Most of them resent women in the higher ranks. I recently got promoted and I can see their resentment. Some of this resentment borders in confusion. One in particular looks at me and acts like a stupid elementary school kid with a crush (yes, he is married) but always gives me hell with business.
> I swear if he could pull my hair and steal my pencils, he would!!!
> 
> Having a good day anyway. I love the full moon!! I might drive to the beach and catch the sunset. I tried yesterday but I was late!!
> I found out there is a scarecrow festival in a nearby beach town. I might go.


There are also a lot of really great guys in the military. As an airman and also as a lieutenant, I was really fortunate to have some looking out for me. Among them my boss, base chief of police, and base commander who I used to do special jobs for in command control ops (on loan from the hospital...where I worked in personnel reliability, among other things.) I later ran into my former base commander when we both ended up in the same diplomatic training class. Also a captain I had in basic training, my instructors in tech school, and my commander when I was first a lieutenant, along with my flight captain at OCS. Not everyone gets so lucky. AND IT IS NOT ALWAYS THE GUYS WHO WILL SEXUALLY HARASS YOU. An older woman took a naked photo of me in the shower in my tech school and passed it around our class. The guys confiscated at least one copy and gave it to me, then my poor captain had to deal with it. He did really well. She got an article 15 and a really, really, really bad assignment in a terrible place with a boss my captain assured me was truly a sexist pig. I got to help pick from among different places she could be assigned to. We also kept her around for the rest of training, before she had to serve her disciplinary time (not very much) so that she had to live with the reputation of being a bitter old lady among our entire class. She used to go off base to find people to sleep with, but she lost off-base privileges as well, and nobody on base would touch her. :rofl: Another time, a girlfriend of my supervisor tried to turn me into mental health by lying and saying I said I was going to harm myself. That didn't end well for her, she ended up with mandatory counseling. Women can be just as bad as the guys. I kept getting hit on by our major's secretary, who was lesbian. lol. Before I realized this, I went to a lip sync competition she invited me to in which she was performing. I didn't realize it was at a place that was banned. lol. Anyhow, that was our one and only date. Her transgender lady friends were knockouts. I got a lot of makeup tips from them. That was the best night ever. When she realized I had been clueless and not playing it cool, she offered to let me go home, but I decided since I was there, and not knowing the place was on the list, I might as well stay and have fun.

The military attracts some very decent people, but there are quite a few bad eggs and then...just some really really really odd people.

For the most part, I was fairly happy with most of the guy friends and boy friends I had when I was in the military, except for my drunken ex. I did get him a good position and lined him up with awesome civilian work though. But I could have just as easily ruined his career. According to our (adult) son, he is still afraid of me. :rofl:

My adopted family and friends begged me not to enlist, but I really have no regrets. I don't think I'd do it again, not sure I'd have such good luck in terms of finding all the good eggs.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Another Planet said:
> 
> 
> 
> Are there kiddos involved for them?
> 
> 
> 
> yes, one.
Click to expand...

Oh geez that sucks.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Oh geez that sucks.


Explain please?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Explain please?


It always makes the story that much worse. Now the kid gets to deal with the psychological trauma of daddy cheated on mommy...not only cheated but had an affair. And honestly it will never get easier what time period in life they find out. Ends up with abandonment and trust issues cause the kid sees it as their family including themselves and the mother they loved weren't good enough for daddy.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> It always makes the story that much worse. Now the kid gets to deal with the psychological trauma of daddy cheated on mommy...not only cheated but had an affair. And honestly it will never get easier what time period in life they find out. Ends up with abandonment and trust issues cause the kid sees it as their family including themselves and the mother they loved weren't good enough for daddy.


Quite agree about the psychological impact on the children. It is rather sad, however that is not my problem. 
If I were to re-engage in any type of relationship with Blue then that would be a huge problem on my morals.

I am a child of cheating father and a violent mother. She would totally confront ALL the women, get in fistfights with them and with my father. 
I will not do that. I have/will walk away.


----------



## moxy

Military men: totally hot. This is a new thing for me -- or, at least, a newly discovered awareness of attraction. Maybe it's just because that is what I'm around, these days, though: ex-military and oil field men.

New guy at work winked at me in a meeting and I wanted to melt because he is fine as .... 

Anyway. Nope, not ready to date, but flirting is fun.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> If I were to re-engage in any type of relationship with Blue


Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?:scratchhead:
You did NOT say that.


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?:scratchhead:
> 
> You did NOT say that.



I think that ne was saying that she would be compromising her morals if she were to reconnect with him now that she knows he is married, but that it wasn't the case before because she was misled by his evasion of the truth in their time together before the knowledge came to light.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Military men: totally hot. This is a new thing for me -- or, at least, a newly discovered awareness of attraction. Maybe it's just because that is what I'm around, these days, though: ex-military and oil field men.
> 
> New guy at work winked at me in a meeting and I wanted to melt because he is fine as ....
> 
> Anyway. Nope, not ready to date, but flirting is fun.


Tis the uniforms no?


----------



## RandomDude

Bleh, now I feel gay looking up those pics on ur behalf >.<

Bah!


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Bleh, now I feel gay looking up those pics on ur behalf >.<
> 
> Bah!


Thanks for taking one for the team RD. Excellent choices.


----------



## moxy

So many thank yous for that, RD!!


----------



## firebelly1

Ok - this is why I end up asking what seem like weird questions. A guy on Match and I have been chatting off and on for a week or so. Just "How's your day?" until today. He says on his profile that he only dates one person at a time. We get to texting and he says he doesn't get the dating multiple people at one time thing. He asks me if I do that. I end up explaining that I do have a second date set up with someone else that I'm on the fence about. I say "Sounds like that doesn't work for you?" It doesn't. He doesn't want to even consider meeting me if I have a second date set up with someone else. 

I think everyone's entitled to their own thing, but this is a bit extreme isn't it?


----------



## BaxJanson

Wow, firebelly, I gotta say, that sounds like a huge red flag for me. Honestly expecting to leap from "How's your day" to monogamy without ever even having met? Fellow sounds like a kraken stuffed in a bucket - you really don't wanna lift that lid.


----------



## moxy

RD -- those pictures were totally hot. 

This is what I think of, though:
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t106/OnlyObvious/Framing_War/Soldiers_Afghanistan_kids.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RG_nxlSGugc/Tr1zOqFDtuI/AAAAAAAAFNI/pb7h3VewmqQ/s1600/kids1.jpg
http://usarmy.vo.llnwd.net/e2/-images/2007/10/03/8650/size0-army.mil-2007-10-03-132242.jpg


----------



## bravenewworld

firebelly1 said:


> Ok - this is why I end up asking what seem like weird questions. A guy on Match and I have been chatting off and on for a week or so. Just "How's your day?" until today. He says on his profile that he only dates one person at a time. We get to texting and he says he doesn't get the dating multiple people at one time thing. He asks me if I do that. I end up explaining that I do have a second date set up with someone else that I'm on the fence about. I say "Sounds like that doesn't work for you?" It doesn't. He doesn't want to even consider meeting me if I have a second date set up with someone else.
> 
> I think everyone's entitled to their own thing, but this is a bit extreme isn't it?


Translation: My standards must be your standards.

Danger Will Robinson!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I'm mopey because I miss Guy. Logic says, move on to someone else; so, I'm going through the motions. Though I met a couple of people on Tinder, which is good, I feel weird talking to them. I chatted on the phone with someone today and he was nice, but in the back of my head was the thought that it wasn't Guy's voice or speech patterns and that felt strange. Perhaps I'm not ready for someone new.


I'm a little behind the times because I've been on work travel, just catching up with the thread now. I know how you feel, feeling the same way about Fireman.


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> Ok - this is why I end up asking what seem like weird questions. A guy on Match and I have been chatting off and on for a week or so. Just "How's your day?" until today. He says on his profile that he only dates one person at a time. We get to texting and he says he doesn't get the dating multiple people at one time thing. He asks me if I do that. I end up explaining that I do have a second date set up with someone else that I'm on the fence about. I say "Sounds like that doesn't work for you?" It doesn't. He doesn't want to even consider meeting me if I have a second date set up with someone else.
> 
> I think everyone's entitled to their own thing, but this is a bit extreme isn't it?


Yes. Move on. 



FeministInPink said:


> I'm a little behind the times because I've been on work travel, just catching up with the thread now. I know how you feel, feeling the same way about Fireman.


aw...hugs to both you and Moxy.


----------



## Jellybeans

Firebelly - you just view dating differently. Fundamental difference so do not continue.

Personally, I'm not into multi-dating. It's complicated for me as it's hard to figure out where to divide my attention and I find if my focus is in multiple places, it's hard to remember things/people/build intimacy.

With that said, you haven't even met this guy so yeah...again...do not past go. Just axe him from your matches and find someone who is more you speed/style (and who you actually meet).


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

firebelly1 said:


> Ok - this is why I end up asking what seem like weird questions. A guy on Match and I have been chatting off and on for a week or so. Just "How's your day?" until today. He says on his profile that he only dates one person at a time. We get to texting and he says he doesn't get the dating multiple people at one time thing. He asks me if I do that. I end up explaining that I do have a second date set up with someone else that I'm on the fence about. I say "Sounds like that doesn't work for you?" It doesn't. He doesn't want to even consider meeting me if I have a second date set up with someone else.
> 
> I think everyone's entitled to their own thing, but this is a bit extreme isn't it?


Yes, that is creepy weird.
Do you usually chat with people on a daily basis before meeting them? Personally, I don't think that's a good idea.
I chat enough to know if I want to meet them, then arrange a time and place to meet, and maybe chat very briefly before then to confirm. 
If someone wanted or expected commitment at the onset, I'd probably be polite and say we have different needs at the present time, wish them well, and then block them. 
Too restrictive for me. I would have concerns about whether they had some kind of issue going on where they needed an assurance of commitment prior to even leaving the starting gate. Sounds suspicious. And, also, to ask you that before even meeting you, it sounds, well, so weird, sight unseen. Sounds like he is scared of women and their ability to have freedom of choice...


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Military men: totally hot. This is a new thing for me -- or, at least, a newly discovered awareness of attraction. Maybe it's just because that is what I'm around, these days, though: ex-military and oil field men.
> 
> New guy at work winked at me in a meeting and I wanted to melt because he is fine as ....
> 
> Anyway. Nope, not ready to date, but flirting is fun.


:rofl:

I am around military men all the time, so I no longer find them all that attractive. I would prefer oil workers! Something about the orange vest.... 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?:scratchhead:
> You did NOT say that.


NO NO NO NO NO Moxy is spot on!!! I would be compromising my morals if if were to reconnect with him because now I know he is married. I do not wish to be around anyone who compromises my core beliefs. 



moxy said:


> I think that ne was saying that she would be compromising her morals if she were to reconnect with him now that she knows he is married, but that it wasn't the case before because she was misled by his evasion of the truth in their time together before the knowledge came to light.


:iagree:



firebelly1 said:


> Ok - this is why I end up asking what seem like weird questions. A guy on Match and I have been chatting off and on for a week or so. Just "How's your day?" until today. He says on his profile that he only dates one person at a time. We get to texting and he says he doesn't get the dating multiple people at one time thing. He asks me if I do that. I end up explaining that I do have a second date set up with someone else that I'm on the fence about. I say "Sounds like that doesn't work for you?" It doesn't. He doesn't want to even consider meeting me if I have a second date set up with someone else.
> *
> I think everyone's entitled to their own thing, but this is a bit extreme isn't it*?


Perhaps you should ask him to define "dating" perhaps he thinks dating means having sex, not just going out and meeting new people.


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Ok - this is why I end up asking what seem like weird questions. A guy on Match and I have been chatting off and on for a week or so. Just "How's your day?" until today. He says on his profile that he only dates one person at a time. We get to texting and he says he doesn't get the dating multiple people at one time thing. He asks me if I do that. I end up explaining that I do have a second date set up with someone else that I'm on the fence about. I say "Sounds like that doesn't work for you?" It doesn't. He doesn't want to even consider meeting me if I have a second date set up with someone else.
> 
> I think everyone's entitled to their own thing, but this is a bit extreme isn't it?


Control freak in the making! Sounds totally insecure.
Remember the abusers segregate you first so you aren't easily influenced by others so in turn easily controlled.

New man mantra- Say it with me men..."If they like me they will come to me"...they will find you and they will **** you, or at least help you get some(which is pathetic). You can not force a woman to like you. If no woman likes you then it is time to take a look in the mirror.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Quite agree about the psychological impact on the children. It is rather sad, however that is not my problem.
> If I were to re-engage in any type of relationship with Blue then that would be a huge problem on my morals.
> 
> I am a child of cheating father and a violent mother. She would totally confront ALL the women, get in fistfights with them and with my father.
> I will not do that. I have/will walk away.


Just so it is clear...At the least it is absolutely your responsibility to from this point on not converse, relate, or even acknowledge blue. You now know way more then enough to not be ignorant and be involved with him in any manner.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Just so it is clear...At the least it is absolutely your responsibility to from this point on not converse, relate, or even acknowledge blue. You now know way more then enough to not be ignorant and be involved with him in any manner.


:iagree:

I will not. 
He was the bridge which help me get over insecurities formed during my marriage. Each passing day I am stronger. Each passing day, I realize how brave and strong I truly am.
I left a man (ex) who would always tell me that nobody would ever love me like he did, truly believing that I was unworthy of love and respect. I left him because I would rather be alone than with him, because I knew I did not deserve his type of "love."

But I was pretty broken. I thought I was the ugliest woman on earth. I shouldnt have needed the confidence boost but because of my history I did. 

Anyway! 
It is so deliciously foggy outside! I love foggy mornings!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm crossing my fingers that the next time I get a chance to log in and scroll through 50 unread pages, that this blue character is no longer being talked about.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm crossing my fingers that the next time I get a chance to log in and scroll through 50 unread pages, that this blue character is no longer being talked about.


:lol::rofl:

So freaking funny!!

here is something new.
Almost every thursday I go out with co workers to watch the game, have dinner, and have a few drinks.

Last night was not the exception. We had a great time. At one point, I do not remember who suggested to have a Tinder war (to see who gets more likes, then more phone numbers, then more pics, ultimate goal is naked pics) Yeah, we are deplorable 

So anyway, I downloaded and logged into Tinder. I began chatting with a guy, and he is already sending good morning messages! 

Firebelly, go with your gut. Good morning messages are so not my style..... specially after just chatting one freaking night!


----------



## firebelly1

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Yes, that is creepy weird.
> Do you usually chat with people on a daily basis before meeting them? Personally, I don't think that's a good idea.
> I chat enough to know if I want to meet them, then arrange a time and place to meet, and maybe chat very briefly before then to confirm.
> If someone wanted or expected commitment at the onset, I'd probably be polite and say we have different needs at the present time, wish them well, and then block them.
> Too restrictive for me. I would have concerns about whether they had some kind of issue going on where they needed an assurance of commitment prior to even leaving the starting gate. Sounds suspicious. And, also, to ask you that before even meeting you, it sounds, well, so weird, sight unseen. Sounds like he is scared of women and their ability to have freedom of choice...


I don't chat with people on a daily basis anymore. And I hadn't been doing that with him. In fact, in our text conversation yesterday I suggested we meet sooner than later and he completely ignored the suggestion. 

I can see JB's point - I think it's easier to focus on one person at a time too - but in the world of online dating, you are often chatting with more than one person at a time. It might happen that you have set up a meet up with two new people around the same time. If I find myself being really interested in someone my tendency is to focus on just that person but until you know this is THE ONE, seems practical to just keep your options open.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Good morning messages are so not my style.....


Really? I love Good morning messages.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I get them every morning. It's great.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Really? I love Good morning messages.


After one night of chatting? Nope. Not for me.


----------



## firebelly1

I would like a good morning text even after one night of texting. I think it shows that he is really interested. I had coffee with a guy I met on Match last weekend and he didn't contact me at all after that - for a full week. I interpret that to mean he's not all that interested.


----------



## Another Planet

Anyone talk to LisaB lately? I saw she posted on her site a week ago or so.


----------



## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> I had coffee with a guy I met on Match last weekend and he didn't contact me at all after that - for a full week. I interpret that to mean he's not all that interested.


Yeah, cross him off the list and keep fishing.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> I would like a good morning text even after one night of texting. I think it shows that he is really interested. I had coffee with a guy I met on Match last weekend and he didn't contact me at all after that - for a full week. I interpret that to mean he's not all that interested.


I am a bit strange, if they show me too much attention, I think they are psychos, needy, and clingy (like ex)



Another Planet said:


> Anyone talk to LisaB lately? I saw she posted on her site a week ago or so.


Yeah, I saw it. I had no idea she was going through so much heartache. I do hope she gets through that ordeal.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, cross him off the list and keep fishing.



Spearfishing over pole fish, always better to go directly after what you want rather than by chance. 

http://youtu.be/6glnilkx7UE


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

firebelly1 said:


> I don't chat with people on a daily basis anymore. And I hadn't been doing that with him. In fact, in our text conversation yesterday I suggested we meet sooner than later and he completely ignored the suggestion.
> 
> I can see JB's point - I think it's easier to focus on one person at a time too - but in the world of online dating, you are often chatting with more than one person at a time. It might happen that you have set up a meet up with two new people around the same time. If I find myself being really interested in someone my tendency is to focus on just that person but until you know this is THE ONE, seems practical to just keep your options open.


I've kept one around who fully appreciated my need to date all likely local prospects. I'm not putting him through the wringer, but I'm also not going too much out of my comfort zone to connect with him. However, he is just as friendly and considerate at present time as he was a few months ago. Reminds me of my former boyfriend, the one who had the brain hemorrhage, in terms of being respectful of boundaries, both able to be a 'date' and to be a 'best friend'. A very good thing.


----------



## moxy

I'm having a rough day. Too much man drama.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I'm having a rough day. Too much man drama.


Sending >>>HUGS<<< to you, Mox.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I'm having a rough day. Too much man drama.


Hugs!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I'm having a rough day. Too much man drama.


Sorry to hear that *hugs*


----------



## Another Planet

WTF did I just read?
I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want to Cheat | Elloa Atkinson


----------



## Arendt

Another Planet said:


> WTF did I just read?
> I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want to Cheat |*Elloa Atkinson


...a good article.


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> ...a good article.


I disagree...well it might be a good article but fvck!!!. That poor guy. She needs to let him go. All of my cheating exes loved me and some still do even to this day but I let them go. I wouldn't doubt she already has cheated(in my opinion she has) and she is admitting it right here in this article, as a true narcissist will...by celebrating their conquest  
It is like politics, tell the masses you are going to do something bad and they will find a way to convince themselves it is ok. No thanks, there should be no place for other love interests in SO hearts.


----------



## RandomDude

From your link:



> Elloa Atkinson is a facilitator of truth who helps women + men navigate their internal and relationship struggles with love, honesty and a willingness to be transformed, so that they can find within themselves an eternal summer.
> 
> As a coach and speaker, she calls forth your innermost creative dreams and yearnings and invites you to live, create and communicate with authenticity, vulnerability and playfulness.


...


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I disagree...well it might be a good article but fvck!!!. That poor guy. She needs to let him go. All of my cheating exes loved me and some still do even to this day but I let them go. I wouldn't doubt she already has cheated(in my opinion she has) and she is admitting it right here in this article, as a true narcissist will...by celebrating their conquest
> It is like politics, tell the masses you are going to do something bad and they will find a way to convince themselves it is ok. No thanks, there should be no place for other love interests in SO hearts.


Makes me glad I'm not Nige, a W that openly wants to, cheat on him (and has already) with men she is apparently not even attracted to.


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, date was cancelled. She texted me at noon, letting me know that she just heard back from the doctor - she's got strep.

It bothers me a bit - yesterday, we were good to go. Ah, well - the new job's got my back and shoulders pretty much locked up tonight, and season 2 of Arrow just came out on Netflix, so screw it - night in.


----------



## ne9907

Best intro I've read in a while
"Not looking for a hook up, I already have cable"


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I disagree...well it might be a good article but fvck!!!. That poor guy. She needs to let him go. All of my cheating exes loved me and some still do even to this day but I let them go. I wouldn't doubt she already has cheated(in my opinion she has) and she is admitting it right here in this article, as a true narcissist will...by celebrating their conquest
> It is like politics, tell the masses you are going to do something bad and they will find a way to convince themselves it is ok. No thanks, there should be no place for other love interests in SO hearts.


Yeah l agree . Unless l missed something bc there's no way l could sit through all of that. But sorry , all l see is just another attention seeking, weak fkd in the head screwball that can't keep her legs closed basically.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> I disagree...well it might be a good article but fvck!!!. That poor guy. She needs to let him go. All of my cheating exes loved me and some still do even to this day but I let them go. I wouldn't doubt she already has cheated(in my opinion she has) and she is admitting it right here in this article, as a true narcissist will...by celebrating their conquest
> It is like politics, tell the masses you are going to do something bad and they will find a way to convince themselves it is ok. No thanks, there should be no place for other love interests in SO hearts.


Hm. I read the article and thought about reading a relationship book - I think it was "His Needs, Her Needs" - in which the author says that when a man, married or not, is in a grocery store and discovers an attractive woman, his mind shifts. He hopes for little glances of her in the store, sucks in his gut, adjusts his hair. 

To me...this is natural. You are and will be attracted to other people. And by attracted I don't just mean physically - you might really like and connect emotionally with people of the opposite sex. And if you are in a relationship, this other person may tug at your heart more when you and your partner are not getting along. 

The key is noticing that that's happening for you, turn away from the crush and reconnect with your partner. And that's what the writer seems to be saying she did. The writer isn't a ho for having these thoughts and feelings. She would be a ho for acting on them. AND...she needs to stop walking by the other dude's house.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> The key is noticing that that's happening for you, turn away from the crush and reconnect with your partner. And that's what the writer seems to be saying she did. The writer isn't a ho for having these thoughts and feelings. She would be a ho for acting on them. AND...she needs to stop walking by the other dude's house.


I think for me the problem with the authors pov is that she denies attraction to attractive men, while equating that emotion to a desire to cheat, and then turns that back to her H somehow and hinges her choices on her H being her soul mate.

Scary because she is so self unaware, and has it so backwards, that as soon as her luck runs out and she begins to give into temptation her world will not only unravel, it will implode and she will have no clue why.

It's like wiring an electrical receptacle backwards, you still get power to the lights and appliances but as soon as you touch anything that is supposed to be grounded, or if there is a short somewhere that you don't know about, you will get electrocuted.


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> I think for me the problem with the authors pov is that she denies attraction to attractive men, while equating that emotion to a desire to cheat, and then turns that back to her H somehow and hinges her choices on her H being her soul mate.
> 
> Scary because she is so self unaware, and has it so backwards, that as soon as her luck runs out and she begins to give into temptation her world will not only unravel, it will implode and she will have no clue why.
> 
> It's like wiring an electrical receptacle backwards, you still get power to the lights and appliances but as soon as you touch anything that is supposed to be grounded, or if there is a short somewhere that you don't know about, you will get electrocuted.


So she's making it more complicated than it is? That's weird for a woman to do.  

So I'm hearing you say she is equating attraction with a desire to cheat, which aren't the same thing. And that she thinks she wants to cheat because of her choice in husband - when, again, it's really just attraction?


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> Makes me glad I'm not Nige, a W that openly wants to, cheat on him (and has already) with men she is apparently not even attracted to.


Yes she admits it multiple times in the article, at the least she has had an emotional affair. And the way she kept saying how unattractive he is just her way of trying to convince herself and the world how she couldn't have done anything wrong. 

The worst is how she is publicly shaming her husband. Sharing with everyone how she got away with it. Cheaters ALWAYS talk about how they feel and try to justify it all away. It has nothing to do with the cheaters feelings.....selfish fckn piece of ****.
Cheaters fckn suck, poor guy I hope he gets his head together and dumps this hoebag.


----------



## FeministInPink

i recognized a pattern in my behavior today.

- I was the one who initiated my separation back in Feb 2013, knowing the marriage/relationship was unhealthy and damaging to me. But I still tried to get my now XH to take me back and reconcile in Aug 2013, even though I knew that I was better off without him.

- I initiated breakups with Fireman twice, because I found his treatment of me/lack of communication to be unacceptable. Both times, I tried to get him to take me back; I was successful the first time, unsuccessful the second. I did this even though I knew that the current standards of his behavior were hurtful to me. 

Looking back on earlier relationships, before my XH, I realize that I've done this before, as well. These are not isolated incidents.

I'm not questioning why I do this. I KNOW why I do this, now (thanks in no small part to me TAM friends. I need to break the pattern. I need to actually start reading these self-help books that have been sitting here, waiting for me, rather than thinking I'm going to learn what they have to teach by osmosis.


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Hm. I read the article and thought about reading a relationship book - I think it was "His Needs, Her Needs" - in which the author says that when a man, married or not, is in a grocery store and discovers an attractive woman, his mind shifts. He hopes for little glances of her in the store, sucks in his gut, adjusts his hair.
> 
> To me...this is natural. You are and will be attracted to other people. And by attracted I don't just mean physically - you might really like and connect emotionally with people of the opposite sex. And if you are in a relationship, this other person may tug at your heart more when you and your partner are not getting along.
> 
> The key is noticing that that's happening for you, turn away from the crush and reconnect with your partner. And that's what the writer seems to be saying she did. The writer isn't a ho for having these thoughts and feelings. She would be a ho for acting on them. AND...she needs to stop walking by the other dude's house.


Uhhh no, she had an emotional affair at the least. She had feelings she just admitted that and she did act on them and she admitted that also. She has already cheated. Stop justifying her actions, you are minimizing what she did. She betrayed her husbands heart and took space out of hers for another man romantically.


----------



## Another Planet

Lon said:


> I think for me the problem with the authors pov is that she denies attraction to attractive men, while equating that emotion to a desire to cheat, and then turns that back to her H somehow and hinges her choices on her H being her soul mate.
> 
> Scary because she is so self unaware, and has it so backwards, that as soon as her luck runs out and she begins to give into temptation her world will not only unravel, it will implode and she will have no clue why.
> 
> It's like wiring an electrical receptacle backwards, you still get power to the lights and appliances but as soon as you touch anything that is supposed to be grounded, or if there is a short somewhere that you don't know about, you will get electrocuted.


Exactly, she is setting herself up the same way they all do. Make enough excuses and it will become reality. Soon she will be writing an article about "it's not you it's me, and I just don't know what I want anymore". She is playing by the book, it is like someone handed her a brochure on how to cheat and is following a map.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> Uhhh no, she had an emotional affair at the least. She had feelings she just admitted that and she did act on them and she admitted that also. She has already cheated. Stop justifying her actions, you are minimizing what she did. She betrayed her husbands heart and took space out of hers for another man romantically.


Ok...I'll admit I might be minimizing. But I do want to understand this. What did she do that in your mind constituted an emotional affair?


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Ok...I'll admit I might be minimizing. But I do want to understand this. What did she do that in your mind constituted an emotional affair?


I'll reread the article again and report back asap, but right now I am getting ready to go to a ghost hunt with my GF and her brother tonight


----------



## Another Planet

Actually just read through all the comments on the article, they lay it out pretty good lol


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> :iagree:
> Each passing day I am stronger. Each passing day, I realize how brave and strong I truly am.
> I left a man (ex) who would always tell me that nobody would ever love me like he did, truly believing that I was unworthy of love and respect.
> 
> I thought I was the ugliest woman on earth. I shouldnt have needed the confidence boost but because of my history I did.
> 
> Anyway!
> It is so deliciously foggy outside! I love foggy mornings!!


I could have written these words about myself NE. Toasting you - cheers to progress and moving forward. 

And I ADORE a foggy morning. Especially with a hot mug of coffee or tea!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> i recognized a pattern in my behavior today.
> 
> - I was the one who initiated my separation back in Feb 2013, knowing the marriage/relationship was unhealthy and damaging to me. But I still tried to get my now XH to take me back and reconcile in Aug 2013, even though I knew that I was better off without him.
> 
> - I initiated breakups with Fireman twice, because I found his treatment of me/lack of communication to be unacceptable. Both times, I tried to get him to take me back; I was successful the first time, unsuccessful the second. I did this even though I knew that the current standards of his behavior were hurtful to me.
> 
> Looking back on earlier relationships, before my XH, I realize that I've done this before, as well. These are not isolated incidents.
> 
> I'm not questioning why I do this. I KNOW why I do this, now (thanks in no small part to me TAM friends. I need to break the pattern. I need to actually start reading these self-help books that have been sitting here, waiting for me, rather than thinking I'm going to learn what they have to teach by osmosis.


A good friend of mine recently told me that I need to learn to LET GO.
So true. I know myself pretty well, but I must learn to let go.
Both examples you gave, I did with ex and almost every other relationship I have had. I simply cannot let go, unless I find my next prey (relationship).... ugh
So I have been reading an okay book called 
Never be Lonely Again. It sounds crummy, but the philosophy behind is closely related to the Dalai Lama teachings. 
I am enjoying it


----------



## ne9907

Ok
Just because I hate to see this a day old
Walking dead party at my house !!!

I have wine pizza hot wings beer wine and cheesecake!!


----------



## RandomDude

:slap:
issed:
:banghead:

WHERE THE FK IS MY CHARGER?! Did FWB take it? GRRRR

It's either her or my daughter who must have taken it cause they were the only ones in my house! Bah! Still... WTF?!


----------



## movealong

Without adversity there would be no growth. A tree growing in an environment without wind never grows a stout trunk and becomes just another vine. The difficult winds buffeting me are making my trunk grow more stout each day. 

Happy Monday, SOTAM'ers.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> :slap:
> issed:
> :banghead:
> 
> WHERE THE FK IS MY CHARGER?! Did FWB take it? GRRRR
> 
> It's either her or my daughter who must have taken it cause they were the only ones in my house! Bah! Still... WTF?!


Yet another Huh? You've met the FWB's kid? Does that not complicate things? I wouldn't ever let my FWB meet my kids as long as they were just an FWB. Too many question marks.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Yet another Huh? You've met the FWB's kid? Does that not complicate things? I wouldn't ever let my FWB meet my kids as long as they were just an FWB. Too many question marks.


He said his own daughter may have taken it, not FWB's daughter 

I'm always misplacing chargers, so... I have like 6 or 7 phone chargers floating around between my apartment, my office, my car, and various suitcases/overnight bags/purses/backpacks.

:lol:


----------



## firebelly1

Doh! Yep. I read it wrong.


----------



## PAgirl

firebelly1 said:


> Yet another Huh? You've met the FWB's kid? Does that not complicate things? I wouldn't ever let my FWB meet my kids as long as they were just an FWB. Too many question marks.


I agree with that. So how does the FWB thing work? Do you agree to date other people while sleeping with each other and keeping your relationship totally surface level?


----------



## firebelly1

PAgirl said:


> I agree with that. So how does the FWB thing work? Do you agree to date other people while sleeping with each other and keeping your relationship totally surface level?


We've been talking about that quite a bit on this thread. I learned, for instance, that there's a difference between FWB and FB (if you google you'll see it.) I've actually read articles on how to make FWB work. I think there is an underlying understanding that you do date (and sleep with) other people. Whether or not it remains "surface level" depends on the two people involved in my mind. 

There is a woman who has posted here who said that she sought an exclusive FWB and has one. So...in my mind it is similar to any "open relationship" in that you have to negotiate what each of you wants from it but lacks the understanding that you are significant others - whatever that means to you. 

For me, FWB has meant I don't introduce them to my kids. I don't tell people at work I'm "seeing" anyone. We don't introduce each other to our social circle. And we really only get together for sex although conversation can go in any direction we connect with.


----------



## PAgirl

So FWB does not go out to eat together or get together in group settings (his social circle)? I ask because Ive been on a few dates with this guy who told me upfront after our first date that we are going to keep this casual because he got out of a relationship just over a month ago and isn't quite ready for anything serious. Though he invites me out to dinner and drinks, he always pays, and we have gone out with another couple (his friends) and he talks about me to other friends and family. Like he will mention to me "oh I was telling my friend about how I met you on match." or "I was telling my sister that you told me that story..." ??? Oh and we slept together so now I don't know if we are still casual or what. I guess we are but I am not one to sleep with multiple people so that makes me unsure if Im supposed to continue talking or dating other guys from the dating site. Its all really confusing.


----------



## firebelly1

PAgirl said:


> So FWB does not go out to eat together or get together in group settings (his social circle)? I ask because Ive been on a few dates with this guy who told me upfront after our first date that we are going to keep this casual because he got out of a relationship just over a month ago and isn't quite ready for anything serious. Though he invites me out to dinner and drinks, he always pays, and we have gone out with another couple (his friends) and he talks about me to other friends and family. Like he will mention to me "oh I was telling my friend about how I met you on match." or "I was telling my sister that you told me that story..." ??? Oh and we slept together so now I don't know if we are still casual or what. I guess we are but I am not one to sleep with multiple people so that makes me unsure if Im supposed to continue talking or dating other guys from the dating site. Its all really confusing.


Yeah...I think all of that warrants a discussion with him about what he means by "casual." It's kind of backwards (and I've done this) to think "is this FWB? What are the rules about that? I will go look it up and ask other people what FWB is and then I'll know his intentions." You have to ask HIM. And you have to ask yourself what you want and what you are comfortable with.

Truthfully, I think most people don't know what they want. To me, if I heard "casual" I would think he means he doesn't want to be exclusive. But again, you have to ask. And then be prepared for a wishy-washy answer because he may not have even really defined that for himself or want to seem like a d*ck who is just after some tail. 

Whether you date other guys or not is up to YOU not him.


----------



## Lon

Difference between FB and FWB, to me at least, (but is so easy to differentiate this way) is that FWB is an opposite sex friend (or I guess same sex depending on your orientation) that you hang out with often, usually for nonsexual activities, but from time to time when you are both mutually horny, use for sex. True FWB are rare, but probably more common during youth, college dorm days, when both parties are not looking for marriage, families or kids. I think the term is way overused when it comes to purely sexual relationships, with no "friendship" so to speak, on the side. FBs are just people we are more familiar with when getting a booty call, we don't share many common interests but there is possibly sexual chemistry.

I think most people that have FB type relationships like to define it as FWBs since that apparently is a level above FBs on the moral hierarchy, with casual sex and ONSs below.


----------



## ne9907

PAgirl said:


> So FWB does not go out to eat together or get together in group settings (his social circle)? I ask because Ive been on a few dates with this guy who told me upfront after our first date that we are going to keep this casual because he got out of a relationship just over a month ago and isn't quite ready for anything serious. Though he invites me out to dinner and drinks, he always pays, and we have gone out with another couple (his friends) and he talks about me to other friends and family. Like he will mention to me "oh I was telling my friend about how I met you on match." or "I was telling my sister that you told me that story..." ??? Oh and we slept together so now I don't know if we are still casual or what. I guess we are but I am not one to sleep with multiple people so that makes me unsure if Im supposed to continue talking or dating other guys from the dating site. Its all really confusing.



Ask him.

I feel that as we get older, we like to put too much emphasis on relationships and labels. Perhaps, it is because we are wiser. 
Do you all remember how it was dating when we were younger?
We dated for the fun of it, to enjoy each other's companies, without the constant thought of "Where is this going?"

I think your guy means it when he says he just wants casual. To me that translates to no long term commitment, just enjoying day by day because he is not ready to pursue anything serious.

Just ask him


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> Ask him.
> 
> I feel that as we get older, we like to put too much emphasis on relationships and labels. Perhaps, it is because we are wiser.
> Do you all remember how it was dating when we were younger?
> We dated for the fun of it, to enjoy each other's companies, without the constant thought of "Where is this going?"
> 
> I think your guy means it when he says he just wants casual. To me that translates to no long term commitment, just enjoying day by day because he is not ready to pursue anything serious.
> 
> Just ask him


I agree with just ask him, but I never really have understood the "take it day by day" thing. Especially when it comes to sex. Once you have sex, I think you have to establish whether or not the two of you are agreeing to have sex with other people or not. 

But even when it comes to the "dating" part - you go in with some sort of intent. I think it was Whitehawk who said he knows within seconds whether a woman has long term potential. I know within a couple of dates. But if my intention is just FWB, then it doesn't matter if he has a car or likes to travel. Know what I mean? If my intent is to have a relationship, I will reject a lot more people than if my intent is just sex with some conversation sprinkled in. 

To me "let's keep this casual" mean he wants to have sex without an expectation of exclusivity and he doesn't want to think about whether or not she's got long-term potential. And maybe she's okay with that but she needs to clarify for herself what she wants. If she wants a relationship is she willing to invest her emotional effort for a situation where the guy doesn't know what he wants and could very likely wake up and think he does want a relationship but she isn't long-term relationship material?


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## PAgirl

I don't think I need to ask. It seems clear that he is keeping it casual because during our conversations (which flow so easily especially with fun stories or music or day to day topics) but when we start to share more personal stuff, he doesn't ask me too many questions during these conversations and doesn't keep eye contact during these conversations for too long. I don't think he is allowing himself to connect with me on a deeper level. And that just makes me feel unimportant in his world...


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> Difference between FB and FWB, to me at least, (but is so easy to differentiate this way) is that FWB is an opposite sex friend (or I guess same sex depending on your orientation) that you hang out with often, usually for nonsexual activities, but from time to time when you are both mutually horny, use for sex. True FWB are rare, but probably more common during youth, college dorm days, when both parties are not looking for marriage, families or kids. I think the term is way overused when it comes to purely sexual relationships, with no "friendship" so to speak, on the side. FBs are just people we are more familiar with when getting a booty call, we don't share many common interests but there is possibly sexual chemistry.
> 
> I think most people that have FB type relationships like to define it as FWBs since that apparently is a level above FBs on the moral hierarchy, with casual sex and ONSs below.


Well...and here's another thing...it's hard to meet a new person with the stated intent of it being FWB and it become that. My experience so far is that if a guy can just have sex with you, why would he want to get to know you as a person? There's no motivation for the "friend" part.


----------



## firebelly1

PAgirl said:


> I don't think I need to ask. It seems clear that he is keeping it casual because during our conversations (which flow so easily especially with fun stories or music or day to day topics) but when we start to share more personal stuff, he doesn't ask me too many questions during these conversations and doesn't keep eye contact during these conversations for too long. I don't think he is allowing himself to connect with me on a deeper level. And that just makes me feel unimportant in his world...


So casual for him seems to include no emotional intimacy.


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## PAgirl

Yes. And that doesn't work for me. I think I need to keep fishing!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

PAgirl said:


> Yes. And that doesn't work for me. I think I need to keep fishing!


I think casual means, going nowhere, this is just fine, don't ask anything more of me, it's not going to progress, just leave it be.

Whereas it sounds like you want to develop intimacy over time/close emotional bond. 

Next time someone says they want to keep a relationship 'casual' or at any descriptive level, be sure to ask exactly what they mean, and don't be afraid to say it's not for you. 

He sounds like a decent person though, so no harm done.
He'll probably be a little disappointed but it's likely he'll understand.


----------



## Another Planet

PAgirl said:


> Yes. And that doesn't work for me. I think I need to keep fishing!


Consider that he also might be saying he doesn't want to live with anyone and make plans for marriage and all that ship so don't expect it. 
But sounds like you can tell him you are looking for something else. 
It is your life you don't have to be afraid of it.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> So casual for him seems to include no emotional intimacy.


That's what casual means to me as well. Don't expect me to open up at all if I'm saying "this is casual"


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I think your guy means it when he says he just wants casual. To me that translates to no long term commitment, just enjoying day by day because he is not ready to pursue anything serious.
> 
> Just ask him


 This. 



PAgirl said:


> I don't think I need to ask. It seems clear that he is keeping it casual because during our conversations (which flow so easily especially with fun stories or music or day to day topics) but when we start to share more personal stuff, he doesn't ask me too many questions during these conversations and doesn't keep eye contact during these conversations for too long. I don't think he is allowing himself to connect with me on a deeper level. And that just makes me feel unimportant in his world...


 Then you have a decision to make.



Another Planet said:


> Consider that he also might be saying he doesn't want to live with anyone and make plans for marriage and all that ship so don't expect it.
> But sounds like you can tell him you are looking for something else.
> It is your life you don't have to be afraid of it.


If he just got out of a long term relationship I would say that he doesn't want to get involved in another one so soon. That may change...or may not.


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## RandomDude

When one party wants more than what they've got in a FB/FWB scenario, tis a problem!

The only thing that keeps me and my FWB from being a problem is that we both want the same thing; sex without the BS! I be male, she be female, and tis just satisfying our mutual urges, nothing else!


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## whitehawk

I saw Beach house again today. She's ready to try again l reckon , l'd put money on it . FK !
Same shop only this time she was waiting for me when l walked out and we talked a bit and then she asked if l wanted to come round later.

So l explained that as much as l would've loved that , l've been seeing T for awhile now.
Then she went a bit quiet for a few minutes, and we ummd and arrd a bit.
Then she started asking about T and a few mins later we said goodbye .

God almighty , she actually looks better and better with age .Her hairs dif' and it's longer now , wavey , and it just seems to extenuate her face and eyes , lips . 
She's lost more weight though . Which she was already under weight but eh , l do lovem skinny 
I found my mind wondering for the rest of the day and all about the what ifs .
And one thing accured to me . With the look she has now , my d could possibly dislike her even more than she does T. 
She doesn't have the tatts and piercings T has , well she does have a few but mostly concealed style.
But although she is a very gutsy chick , she's also sorta dreamy and hippyish dressish like .
While l was admiring her today , the other half of my brain was thinking - just supposing , what if's , my d really just would not like you either . l know she wouldn't .

So all sorts of worries have been going through my brain ever since. Maybe whomever l wound up with, my d and me are so much alike, we usually gel really well around each other but she doesn't , like my taste in women much.


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## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> I saw Beach house again today. She's ready to try again l reckon , l'd put money on it . FK !
> Same shop only this time she was waiting for me when l walked out and we talked a bit and then she asked if l wanted to come round later.
> 
> So l explained that as much as l would've loved that , l've been seeing T for awhile now.
> Then she went a bit quiet for a few minutes, and we ummd and arrd a bit.
> Then she started asking about T and a few mins later we said goodbye .
> 
> God almighty , she actually looks better and better with age .Her hairs dif' and it's longer now , wavey , and it just seems to extenuate her face and eyes , lips .
> She's lost more weight though . Which she was already under weight but eh , l do lovem skinny
> I found my mind wondering for the rest of the day and all about the what ifs .
> And one thing accured to me . With the look she has now , my d could possibly dislike her even more than she does T.
> She doesn't have the tatts and piercings T has , well she does have a few but mostly concealed style.
> But although she is a very gutsy chick , she's also sorta dreamy and hippyish dressish like .
> While l was admiring her today , the other half of my brain was thinking - just supposing , what if's , my d really just would not like you either . l know she wouldn't .


Just keep in mind that she blew you off last time...


----------



## ne9907

I met a guy for coffee last night at Starbucks. It was a very impromptu date. It was a fun date. He would like to see me again, downside is that he lives about 2 hours away from me (he was in town visiting family)
He is very cute! Bradley Cooper look alike.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> I saw Beach house again today. She's ready to try again l reckon , l'd put money on it . FK !
> Same shop only this time she was waiting for me when l walked out and we talked a bit and then she asked if l wanted to come round later.
> 
> So l explained that as much as l would've loved that , l've been seeing T for awhile now.
> Then she went a bit quiet for a few minutes, and we ummd and arrd a bit.
> Then she started asking about T and a few mins later we said goodbye .
> 
> God almighty , she actually looks better and better with age .


I think Beach House is that one you will always pine after. You guys have bad timing or maybe it just isn't meant to work but through passing. I can't remember the entire back story but didn't she freak out once on you, she wasn't ready for a relationship or something? Timing... is so many of our enemies.

Men - does your libido change at 40? Like, do you want it less, like once a week?/harder to, um, get up?


----------



## samyeagar

Jellybeans said:


> I think Beach House is that one you will always pine after. You guys have bad timing or maybe it just isn't meant to work but through passing. I can't remember the entire back story but didn't she freak out once on you, she wasn't ready for a relationship or something? Timing... is so many of our enemies.
> 
> *Men - does your libido change at 40? Like, do you want it less, like once a week?/harder to, um, get up*?


I have always had a high libido, and frequent sex within my relationships, with the exception of the four years ending my first marriage. I still had a high desire, just not with my then wife. That said, my libido is higher now than it ever has been at any point in my life, and I am 42. I suspect it is in response to the positive feedback loop my wife and I have.


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## Arendt

Have to admit I do not understand the whole "sex without the BS" stuff. And what is the "BS"? commitment? caring? being there for one another? treating each other with respect and dignity? Is that BS?

IMO, if a person wants sex without the human element, just masturbate or by some kind of machine to help you out. That seems to be what some people want: a machine and to be alone. Isn't there a Woody Allen movie where he talks about an "orgasmatron"? A machine that will get a person off without having to deal with all the "BS" of a relationship.


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## moxy

I like emotional intimacy. When I have a relationship, whether it is short term or long term in design, it includes emotional intimacy. I think that, too often, people get bogged down by the pressures and expectations of conventional romance or relationship ideology. When people are too worried about "how it should be" or "where it's going", they're less able to enjoy how it is in the moment. I think that the desire to select a FWB stems from that wish to preserve the excitement of the moment without worrying about investments in safeguarding the extension of that moment; while some people really do like the thrill of no-strings-attached, nearly-anonymous sex, most people just don't want the obligations of long term partnership and don't have a vocabulary that accounts for dating for its own sake rather than dating with an endgame in mind. People want to avoid drama and discord, maximize pleasure and freedom, but...I, personally, don't think that cutting off emotional intimacy enables that kind of indulgence. Responsible hedonism isn't as popular as hyperbolic social expression might suggest.


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## samyeagar

Arendt said:


> Have to admit I do not understand the whole "sex without the BS" stuff. And what is the "BS"? commitment? caring? being there for one another? treating each other with respect and dignity? Is that BS?
> 
> IMO, if a person wants sex without the human element, just masturbate or by some kind of machine to help you out. That seems to be what some people want: a machine and to be alone. Isn't there a Woody Allen movie where he talks about an "orgasmatron"? A machine that will get a person off *without having to deal with all the "BS" of a relationship*.


But then there wouldn't be anything to post on Facebook


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## Arendt

Jellybeans said:


> Men - does your libido change at 40? Like, do you want it less, like once a week?/harder to, um, get up?


Why do you ask?

I am not 40 yet, I am 39. I have a high libido (daily sex, even more than once in a day sometimes). No problems yet. But I eat healthy (plant-based whole foods diet for the most part except for my plant-based protein powders for post-workouts and in-between-meal snacks), am not overweight at all, workout 4-5 times a week and am in very good physical shape. Diet and lifestyle probably have a lot to do with whether a man has problems in that area I suspect. Perhaps also mental health is a problem there. I don't have anxiety or constant worries that could interfere either. I am content and happy generally. I assume mental and physical health are a big part of many men's problems in those areas.


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## firebelly1

Arendt - I think what Moxy said. You can have caring and treating each other with respect but there are certain things you do within the context of a committed relationship that you don't in a FWB situation. In a committed relationship there can be more emotional work because you are trying to preserve the relationship. In FWB, there is no long term commitment to maintain. And at least the idea of that is a relief to some of us who are worn out by the work involved with our past relationships. HOWEVER, I will say that FWB is still a relationship of sorts. And there is still emotional work. It's just the nature of relating to other human beings. 

I like emotional intimacy too. But the more emotional intimate, the more my desire for longevity. Know what I mean Moxy?


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## Arendt

Sure, if I am "trying" to preserve a relationship that brings all sorts of anxieties and behaviors that may even kill the relationship eventually. Enjoying what I have today is a good thing. But it doesn't take much to treat people really well. I have been seeing a woman for several months now, and I am not trying to preserve it and not worried about the future with her in general. The more I get to know her, the less I think about the future actually. the more I get to know her, let her into my life and allow myself into what she offers, the more I realize that I like what I have. Presently, I could see her in my life for the foreseeable future if she wants to stick around. But I don't have a plan in place. Eventually I would need to have something in place because I will likely have to move for a job. So I will need to plan and think ahead sometimes. But in general, the more intimate I am with a person, the less I try to grasp it and preserve it like a mummy in a museum. It just starts coming naturally. 

I preserve it by just being a good person. That is the kicker for me. It is not about preserving a relationship. It is about me being the best person I can be regardless. That is what I tried to do during the long separation and it is what I am doing now.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Sure, if I am "trying" to preserve a relationship that brings all sorts of anxieties and behaviors that may even kill the relationship eventually. Enjoying what I have today is a good thing. But it doesn't take much to treat people really well. I have been seeing a woman for several months now, and I am not trying to preserve it and not worried about the future with her in general. The more I get to know her, the less I think about the future actually. the more I get to know her, let her into my life and allow myself into what she offers, the more I realize that I like what I have. Presently, I could see her in my life for the foreseeable future if she wants to stick around. But I don't have a plan in place. Eventually I would need to have something in place because I will likely have to move for a job. So I will need to plan and think ahead sometimes. But in general, the more intimate I am with a person, the less I try to grasp it and preserve it like a mummy in a museum. It just starts coming naturally.
> 
> I preserve it by just being a good person. That is the kicker for me. It is not about preserving a relationship. It is about me being the best person I can be regardless. That is what I tried to do during the long separation and it is what I am doing now.


To some people, this may just be semantics, but using the word "preserve" in this context is a little problematic, which is where I think your (Arendt's) objection comes in. I think you and Firebelly are essentially saying the same thing. I think a better term than "preserve" would be "to invest."

You don't really invest anything in a FWB relationship, because it's never going to be anything more than it is. But with a relationship, you invest emotional energy into it, because you want it to grow and flourish.


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## Arendt

FIP: Yes "invest" is better as a term. Terminology does matter. Preserve is like canning a relationship and keeping it on a shelf. Invest is like a speculator or banker giving money and expecting a return of high yields, demanding something even. Not sure I like the economic term either. Perhaps a term of the economy of gift is better: being a good person means giving oneself to another, which in no way entails being a doormat for abuse, and wen both people do that, you have a solid relationship and the more the two of you do that, the stronger your bond over time, the harder it is to leave one another. It is not preserving a moment, or investing like a stock market, it is gift-giving. without that, I am not sure relationships are worthwhile because it is all about anxiety and worry in some form or another.


----------



## ne9907

How about:

Nourish your relationship?


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> FIP: Yes "invest" is better as a term. Terminology does matter. *Preserve is like canning a relationship and keeping it on a shelf.* Invest is like a speculator or banker giving money and expecting a return of high yields, demanding something even. Not sure I like the economic term either. Perhaps a term of the economy of gift is better: being a good person means giving oneself to another, which in no way entails being a doormat for abuse, and wen both people do that, you have a solid relationship and the more the two of you do that, the stronger your bond over time, the harder it is to leave one another. It is not preserving a moment, or investing like a stock market, it is gift-giving. without that, I am not sure relationships are worthwhile because it is all about anxiety and worry in some form or another.


This is the exact example I had in my head, because you have to can fruits/vegetables, otherwise they will spoil.

For invest, I was thinking more along the lines of investing in a personal retirement fund, or like Dr. Harley's Love Bank.


----------



## firebelly1

Arendt said:


> FIP: Yes "invest" is better as a term. Terminology does matter. Preserve is like canning a relationship and keeping it on a shelf. Invest is like a speculator or banker giving money and expecting a return of high yields, demanding something even. Not sure I like the economic term either. Perhaps a term of the economy of gift is better: being a good person means giving oneself to another, which in no way entails being a doormat for abuse, and wen both people do that, you have a solid relationship and the more the two of you do that, the stronger your bond over time, the harder it is to leave one another. It is not preserving a moment, or investing like a stock market, it is gift-giving. without that, I am not sure relationships are worthwhile because it is all about anxiety and worry in some form or another.


And the truth is, I am going to invest more in a relationship I think is for the long term for the sake of maintaining the relationship. Like: if he wants to get together, in a FWB it is purely about whether I want to or not. In a "relationship" I will weigh whether or not me saying no will deplete the relationship bank.


----------



## RandomDude

Arendt said:


> Have to admit I do not understand the whole "sex without the BS" stuff. And what is the "BS"? commitment? caring? being there for one another? treating each other with respect and dignity? Is that BS?
> 
> IMO, if a person wants sex without the human element, just masturbate or by some kind of machine to help you out. That seems to be what some people want: a machine and to be alone. Isn't there a Woody Allen movie where he talks about an "orgasmatron"? A machine that will get a person off without having to deal with all the "BS" of a relationship.


Put it this way, FWB and I are incompatible in alot of ways, and I don't see any future with her; it simply just wouldn't work. However, thanks to honest communication, we could still capitalise on our sexual chemistry.

There is no commitment except to honesty, there is only as much emotional investment as caring for another human being, and we do treat each other with respect and dignity like any other friend would. So I don't see how our friendship with each other is comparable to a machine :scratchhead: The only thing different from us to other friendships is = we have sex! 

Alot of people don't understand the lifestyle, but that's fair enough, still I always wonder about the rather inaccurate superstitions regarding FWB relationships. When one's balls say "GO FORTH AND MATE!", and when there be willing females, why restrict yourself to emotionally involved relationships to have sex with them? Bah! Not logical! But tis just my opinion.

As for the rarity, personally I'm not so surprised to have found FWB, considering the numbers game I've been playing with all the dating and fking since seperation tis was only a matter of time till I found someone who has a similar "sexual morality". Still, I dread having to play the numbers game again to replace FWB if she goes, bah! Dreadful period. Another reason to keep our relationship casual, cause she could take a year or more to replace!

However, ours is a FWB "relationship", and has evolved from our humble beginnings as a FB "arrangement". The sole reason for the evolution lies in only trust that we desire the same from each other and nothing more.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> However, ours is a FWB "relationship", and has evolved from our humble beginnings as a FB "arrangement". The sole reason for the evolution lies in only trust that we desire the same from each other and nothing more.


So I'm still curious as to how a relationship with a gf would be different for you than the one you have with your FWB? If you and your FWB continued on forever as you are until one of you dies without being in any other sexual relationship with anyone else, would you be okay with people posthumously referring to her as having been your gf?


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> So I'm still curious as to how a relationship with a gf would be different for you than the one you have with your FWB? If you and your FWB continued on forever as you are until one of you dies without being in any other sexual relationship with anyone else, would you be okay with people posthumously referring to her as having been your gf?


Well if we somehow last that long and one of us dies I don't see why I would care what anyone else would think of us posthumously. 

As for how she's different compared to dating; We're not emotionally intimate nor committed to "us". There's no obligation, no expectations nor promises. Either than of course, as I mentioned; honesty.

Nothing to look forward to either; no future. We're simply each other's "stepping stones", but doesn't mean we have to look at it that way, there can be joy in friendship, especially when there is sexual chemistry. In the meantime at least. Eventually we'll be moving on, just how it is.

There's no butterflies or lovey doveys, when we kiss, it's because it's fun and a turn on (and she be pretty), but not because it makes us all emotionally giddy. So no magic here! There's no settling down for us, hence our love lives are still open for opportunities if they present themselves; such as my recent date for instance. However that "opportunity" turned out to be a dead end comprising of a too-young lady who can not comprehend the experiences of a soon-to-be-divorcee and co-parenting daddy. No hard feelings, but compatibility for LTR is still elusive.

Yes, FWB was admittedly a tad jealous, but whatever, she herself left to go back to dating previously before we became FWBs from simple FBs. And there's nothing stopping her from doing so again, I don't expect anything from her nor has she laid the same expectations from me.

So no, I don't see how we can call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. We're missing an essential element either than all those reasons I've described above... the catalyst of all romantic relationships!

I'll let you guess what it is


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> I think Beach House is that one you will always pine after. You guys have bad timing or maybe it just isn't meant to work but through passing. I can't remember the entire back story but didn't she freak out once on you, she wasn't ready for a relationship or something? Timing... is so many of our enemies.
> 
> Men - does your libido change at 40? Like, do you want it less, like once a week?/harder to, um, get up?


Yeah your right jb , couldn't imagine meeting anyone else like her l admit. l know what you mean about timing , does make you wonder about these things doesn't it.

PS , nope not for me. Dad was still a shocker even in his late 70s
She has to turn me on though and it's much harder to find someone that turns me on in their 40s. 
But life , circumstances like stresses and kids and money, work , that all comes into things to.
A lot of women run round all day , phone and crap all night , kids, stressing, organizing, then they just expect to go to bed at 11 oclock and switch on , kills a lot of marriages that stuff.
ps , Life is so full on as you both get older .


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> Yeah your right jb , couldn't imagine meeting anyone else like her l admit. l know what you mean about timing , does make you wonder about these things doesn't it.
> 
> PS , nope not for me. Dad was still a shocker even in his late 70s
> She has to turn me on though and it's much harder to find someone that turns me on in their 40s.
> But life , circumstances like stresses and kids and money, work , that all comes into things to.
> *A lot of women run round all day , phone and crap all night , kids, stressing, organizing, then they just expect to go to bed at 11 oclock and switch on , kills a lot of marriages that stuff.*


It's one of those things about a relationship that you have to consistently nourish to keep alive...


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> Have to admit I do not understand the whole "sex without the BS" stuff. And what is the "BS"? commitment? caring? being there for one another? treating each other with respect and dignity? Is that BS?
> MO, if a person wants sex without the human element, just masturbate or by some kind of machine to help you out.
> 
> 
> Yeah l find the same Ard. Don't get any of it and l couldn't go for a women that could live like that either.
> l mean a one of when you just met somebody somewhere and ended up sleeping with them yeah , that happens sometimes . But not that whole whatever it is kinda deal.
> 
> l find even with T , and all the stuff she has going on , some people might call it drama , some might call it monkeys on her back , some , BS , and l have some to there's no doubt about that but still , it is so real. It's life , just two people dealing with life - as well as all the other goodies and the good stuff.
> Although hers l'm still not sure about bc they're big , and then there's my d , but hey it is on the other hand l can't explain it really but it is so nice to have someone in your corner again , be in someones corner again, working through crap together . Sometimes , most times , we just can't wait to talk , or we ring or text God knows how many times a day . Often it's a running commentary , all day long , driving round bends or one of us sitting in the principals office bc of kid trouble at school , anywhere any time, it's funny, it;s life , it's real , it makes you a couple . That's the only way l can think to put it.


----------



## firebelly1

whitehawk said:


> Arendt said:
> 
> 
> 
> Have to admit I do not understand the whole "sex without the BS" stuff. And what is the "BS"? commitment? caring? being there for one another? treating each other with respect and dignity? Is that BS?
> MO, if a person wants sex without the human element, just masturbate or by some kind of machine to help you out.
> 
> 
> Yeah l find the same Ard. Don't get any of it and l couldn't go for a women that could live like that either.
> l mean a one of when you just met somebody somewhere and ended up sleeping with them yeah , that happens sometimes . But not that whole whatever it is kinda deal.
> 
> l find even with T , and all the stuff she has going on , some people might call it drama , some might call it monkeys on her back and l have some to there's no doubt about that but still , it is so real. It's life , just two people dealing with life - as well as all the other goodies and the good stuff.
> Although hers l'm still not sure about bc they're big , and then there's my d , but hey it is on the other hand also really nice and even adds real to us , . l can't explain it really but it is so nice to have someone in your corner again , working through crap together . Sometimes , most times , we just can't wait to talk , or we ring or text God knows how many times a day . It;s a life , it's real , it makes you a couple . That's the only way l can think to put it.
> 
> 
> 
> I want to "like" this but still pouting from your comment about how hard it is to find attractive women in their 40's.
Click to expand...


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Put it this way, FWB and I are incompatible in alot of ways, and I don't see any future with her; it simply just wouldn't work. However, thanks to honest communication, we could still capitalise on our sexual chemistry.
> 
> There is no commitment except to honesty, there is only as much emotional investment as caring for another human being, and we do treat each other with respect and dignity like any other friend would. So I don't see how our friendship with each other is comparable to a machine :scratchhead: The only thing different from us to other friendships is = we have sex!
> 
> Alot of people don't understand the lifestyle, but that's fair enough, still I always wonder about the rather inaccurate superstitions regarding FWB relationships. When one's balls say "GO FORTH AND MATE!", and when there be willing females, why restrict yourself to emotionally involved relationships to have sex with them? Bah! Not logical! But tis just my opinion.
> 
> As for the rarity, personally I'm not so surprised to have found FWB, considering the numbers game I've been playing with all the dating and fking since seperation tis was only a matter of time till I found someone who has a similar "sexual morality". Still, I dread having to play the numbers game again to replace FWB if she goes, bah! Dreadful period. Another reason to keep our relationship casual, cause she could take a year or more to replace!
> 
> However, ours is a FWB "relationship", and has evolved from our humble beginnings as a FB "arrangement". The sole reason for the evolution lies in only trust that we desire the same from each other and nothing more.


I usually don't agree with RD but this description is a good one when it comes to the FWB description, IMO.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l find the same Ard. Don't get any of it and l couldn't go for a women that could live like that either.
> l mean a one of when you just met somebody somewhere and ended up sleeping with them yeah , that happens sometimes . But not that whole whatever it is kinda deal.


Having a steady supply of sex with a trusted partner is much better (and safer) than casual one-off encounters. Not to mention the sex has room to improve as FWBs.

Also, it's either this or sitting on my hands moaning about either celibacy or the lack of LTR prospects considering the rather high standards left behind by my ex. STBX herself wasn't really a bad wife, we just had alot of issues and by the time we learnt and improved there was nothing left in our relationship. Even love has its limits.

Regardless she has never cheated on me nor done anything majorly dealbreaking. However, the pain has diminished what love I had for her, and now it's just indifference, regardless of the respect I still hold for her as a person but nothing else.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> I usually don't agree with RD but this description is a good one when it comes to the FWB description, IMO.


Oh no you didn't, you simply can't agree with big bad RD!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Oh no you didn't, you simply can't agree with big bad RD!


LOL, believe it or not we have a lot of similar viewpoints when it comes to sex/FWB situations


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> whitehawk said:
> 
> 
> 
> I want to "like" this but still pouting from your comment about how hard it is to find attractive women in their 40's.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ahh, go on , like it , you can do it , let your hair down :rofl:
> Besides , l've been spoilt with women l must admit, so l'm probably the exception , l like mine in tip top shape . :rofl:
> PS , it's just hard to find women that still look after themselves at that age that's all and hey , most women are trying to hook up with younger guys anyway so what's that say.
Click to expand...


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Men - does your libido change at 40? Like, do you want it less, like once a week?/harder to, um, get up?


I'm not 40 yet BUT a difference I have noticed is a woman can turn me off like a lightswitch now by just saying the wrong thing....when I was younger I could ignore certain things just to get some but now I can go from raging redwood to broken pinky toe in mere seconds.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Men - does your libido change at 40? Like, do you want it less, like once a week?/harder to, um, get up?


Soon to be 54...somewhat true although it does go in cycles for me. There are times when five days a week is necessary where as other times once a week is fine. Does this mean men have a type of cycle like females? I don't know and if so, not sure it is the same. I would say that stress affects me more at my age than it used to and thus stressful weeks, once is enough. Less stressful weeks, my flagpole can raise with not too much difficulty.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I'm not 40 yet BUT a difference I have noticed is a woman can turn me off like a lightswitch now by just saying the wrong thing....
> 
> 
> Yep l find the exact same thing. And l've learnt so much about women in this last few years and l know more often than not exactly where they're headed . So if that's in the turn off direction which it very often is , then that's it l'm off them well before they even go there
> That's why l didn't get to even bother meeting most in person from date sites bc l was usually turned off well before then over the phone so no point.


----------



## bandit.45

That Russian girl,shown on the advertisement next to the thread gets my blood pumping. 

I want one.


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> That Russian girl,shown on the advertisement next to the thread gets my blood pumping.
> 
> I want one.


Those adds are unique to you based on your browsing cookies.

You been looking for a mail order bimbo?:rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> Those adds are unique to you based on your browsing cookies.
> 
> You been looking for a mail order bimbo?:rofl:


Well...can't have any worse luck than with the gals I've dated over the last year.


----------



## bravenewworld

FB's....FWB's.....FBFBFWB's (Not sure what that one stands for yet) have me feeling, as of late, meh. 

Sex is fun, but lately feels like it's only worth my time if it's something _real_. I'm craving a mental/emotional/physical/spiriual connection. If I can't have that, for now, I'd rather fly solo. 

Unless it's Ryan Gosling. Then we can just have sex. :smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> FB's....FWB's.....FBFBFWB's (Not sure what that one stands for yet) have me feeling, as of late, meh.
> 
> Sex is fun, but lately feels like it's only worth my time if it's something _real_. I'm craving a mental/emotional/physical/spiriual connection. If I can't have that, for now, I'd rather fly solo.
> 
> Unless it's Ryan Gosling. Then we can just have sex. :smthumbup:


I heard there is a company in Japan that has started making the first full size, operational female sex robots.

They are like $200,000 a pop and they custom build them for the buyers specific tastes. It also takes a year to get yours after you order it. 

I'd want mine to look like Monica Bellucci. That is if I were a sick enough fvck to want to get one...which I'm not. 

I don't think I could bang a machine.


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> That's why l didn't get to even bother meeting most in person from date sites bc l was usually turned off well before then over the phone so no point.


This I can understand. I've had some weird phone conversations with potential dates. The worst is when they keep blabbing about themselves, and when you finally get a word in edgewise, they interrupt! "So as I was saying, it was my first day of fourth grade and-"


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> I heard there is a company in Japan that has started making the first full size, operational female sex robots.
> 
> They are like $200,000 a pop and they custom build them for the buyers specific tastes. It also takes a year to get yours after you order it.
> 
> I'd want mine to look like Monica Bellucci. That is if I were a sick enough fvck to want to get one...which I'm not.
> 
> I don't think I could bang a machine.


Google "Venus by Sybian" (NSFW) :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> Google "Venus by Sybian" (NSFW) :rofl:


Yeah...my last GF, Syrian, said she rode a Sybian once and she came so hard she nearly passed out.

No, I couldn't buy anything like that. Its just too weird.


----------



## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> FB's....FWB's.....FBFBFWB's (Not sure what that one stands for yet) have me feeling, as of late, meh.
> 
> Sex is fun, but lately feels like it's only worth my time if it's something _real_. I'm craving a mental/emotional/physical/spiriual connection. If I can't have that, for now, I'd rather fly solo.
> :smthumbup:


I thought this too...for about a week.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> FB's....FWB's.....FBFBFWB's (Not sure what that one stands for yet) have me feeling, as of late, meh.
> 
> Sex is fun, but lately feels like it's only worth my time if it's something _real_. I'm craving a mental/emotional/physical/spiriual connection. If I can't have that, for now, I'd rather fly solo.
> 
> Unless it's Ryan Gosling. Then we can just have sex. :smthumbup:


I do not want a FW/FWB. I want an intimate, loving, casual thing. I seriously do not want to meet his friends/family. For those of you doubting this type of stuff, I WILL make it happen 



bravenewworld said:


> This I can understand. I've had some weird phone conversations with potential dates. *The worst is when they keep blabbing about themselves*, and when you finally get a word in edgewise, they interrupt! "So as I was saying, it was my first day of fourth grade and-"


I had that the other night with Bradley Cooper look alike guy. At first, he would not let me say anything at all! He kept talking, until I said "Well, arent you full of energy, you will not even let me say a word!" 
We laughed and he stopped his babbling... He has beautiful eyes, teeth, smile, he is hot... I might be in trouble.
Since we live so far apart from each other, and our schedules are crazy, I am meeting his this weekend after drill on my way home (he lives on the way).



bandit.45 said:


> Yeah...my last GF, Syrian, said she rode a Sybian once and she came so hard she nearly passed out.
> 
> No, I couldn't buy anything like that. Its just too weird.


I want a sybian!


----------



## bandit.45

You'll never be satisfied by a mere man if you do.


----------



## movealong

I have never read this quote before today. It really struck home with me because it is how I felt during the best times of my marriage, and what I hope to be able to have again some day.



> “It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.” ― Rob Bell


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah...my last GF, Syrian, said she rode a Sybian once and she came so hard she nearly passed out.
> 
> No, I couldn't buy anything like that. Its just too weird.


I just had to google... *shaking head*



> I have never read this quote before today. It really struck home with me because it is how I felt during the best times of my marriage, and what I hope to be able to have again some day.
> 
> Quote:
> “It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.” ― Rob Bell


I don't think I ever had that in my marriage.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> You'll never be satisfied by a mere man if you do.


No matter how great alone sex can be (and I've definitely mastered that art), I've never found it to be as good as good sex with a partner. The skin-on-skin contact, the sound of your partner's breathing, being able to smell him, the feeling of connecting with another person on such an intimate level... no machine could ever replace that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> movealong said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have never read this quote before today. It really struck home with me because it is how I felt during the best times of my marriage, and what I hope to be able to have again some day.
> 
> Quote:
> “It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.” ― Rob Bell
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think I ever had that in my marriage.
Click to expand...

You know, I thought that I did, at one point, and that we lost it... but when all was revealed and I realized that so much of him was lies built on lies, I found that I no longer knew what was real in our marriage, and what was just for show. I know that I had laid myself bare, by Rob Bell's definition, but I don't know that my XH ever really did. But I remember the way I felt, in those moments, and I know that at least my feelings were real, even if my XH wasn't. And I would like to feel that again.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> You know, I thought that I did, at one point, and that we lost it... but when all was revealed and I realized that so much of him was lies built on lies, I found that I no longer knew what was real in our marriage, and what was just for show. I know that I had laid myself bare, by Rob Bell's definition, but I don't know that my XH ever really did. But I remember the way I felt, in those moments, and I know that at least my feelings were real, even if my XH wasn't. And I would like to feel that again.


I don't think I ever really did. I *know* he didn't.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> You know, I thought that I did, at one point, and that we lost it... but when all was revealed and I realized that so much of him was lies built on lies, I found that I no longer knew what was real in our marriage, and what was just for show. I know that I had laid myself bare, by Rob Bell's definition, but I don't know that my XH ever really did. But I remember the way I felt, in those moments, and I know that at least my feelings were real, even if my XH wasn't. And I would like to feel that again.


I did. I revealed every thing. 
I really like your post a lot. The other day ex texted me and asked if I wanted to see a picture of his new puppy. I felt nothing upon reading his text, nothing at all. No hate, no like, just neutral and quite frankly, i did not want to see his new puppy. I honestly did not and do not care.


----------



## vi_bride04

I wanted a sybian when I was married... Guess that shows how great our sex life was lol


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I've never been emotionally bare and had that vulnerability and connection. I'd like to before I pass from this world.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've never been emotionally bare and had that vulnerability and connection. I'd like to before I pass from this world.


I wish that for you.

Make sure the person you chose is on the same level as you.


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> You know, I thought that I did, at one point, and that we lost it... but when all was revealed and I realized that so much of him was lies built on lies, I found that I no longer knew what was real in our marriage, and what was just for show. I know that I had laid myself bare, by Rob Bell's definition, but I don't know that my XH ever really did. But I remember the way I felt, in those moments, and I know that at least my feelings were real, even if my XH wasn't. And I would like to feel that again.


You just wrote my thoughts. "I" had it, "we" didn't. I guess I should have said I want that again, but with someone that feels the same way.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> You just wrote my thoughts. "I" had it, "we" didn't. I guess I should have said I want that again, but *with someone that feels the same way*.


That's the most important part. One can have that feeling about any number of partners, but if the feeling's not mutual... I think most of us want that mutual feeling with someone else.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

"But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.” 

I have this with my kids (including my eldest who is an adult) and my close friends. 
Hopefully building it with a partner. 
It does feel nice. Very cozy.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> No matter how great alone sex can be (and I've definitely mastered that art), I've never found it to be as good as good sex with a partner. The skin-on-skin contact, the sound of your partner's breathing, being able to smell him, the feeling of connecting with another person on such an intimate level... no machine could ever replace that.


Not to mention that a real penis really does feel so much better than plastic or glass or whatever material a machine can be made out of. Even if the penis can't move in the same way, nothing like skin on slippery skin.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Not to mention that a real penis really does feel so much better than plastic or glass or whatever material a machine can be made out of. Even if the penis can't move in the same way, nothing like skin on slippery skin.


Yes, that, too 

I would elaborate, but there are some things best kept to oneself.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> Not to mention that a real penis really does feel so much better than plastic or glass or whatever material a machine can be made out of. Even if the penis can't move in the same way, nothing like skin on slippery skin.


And a vibrator can't pull your hair or smack your ass like a guy can


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> And a vibrator can't pull your hair or smack your ass like a guy can


or lick your bvtthole :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> And a vibrator can't pull your hair or smack your ass like a guy can


I never understood jealousy of toys...NOT the same thing at all. Nothing beats the electricity of the interaction between two people.
Plus if a woman likes plastic or rubber more then a man(or you) so be it, let her be content with it she is obviously not someone for you.


----------



## movealong

I think this may be my all time favorite thread on ANY forum. :rofl:


----------



## ne9907

I am meeting navy guy tomorrow for dinner. He is so hot! /swoon....


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> And a vibrator can't pull your hair or smack your ass like a guy can


Oh, yeeaaaahhhh... I like the way you think!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I am meeting navy guy tomorrow for dinner. He is so hot! /swoon....


Maybe you are in the wrong branch of the armed forces, if you like seamen so much


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> Oh, yeeaaaahhhh... I like the way you think!


Pull hair while smacking your ass doggy style 

Maybe too submissive for some but sometimes submissive is so fun..... Mmmmmmmm.... "yes sir"... just thinking about saying that phrase is making me hot and bothered


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Pull hair while smacking your ass doggy style
> 
> Maybe too submissive for some but sometimes submissive is so fun..... Mmmmmmmm.... "yes sir"... just thinking about saying that phrase is making me hot and bothered


I was thinking that earlier, when you posted it the first time!

I think this is why I've been so hung up on Fireman. He's the only guy that ever really fvcked me the way I wanted, because he actually paid attention to what I responded to and didn't.

Now I'm all horny with nowhere to go :/


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> I heard there is a company in Japan that has started making the first full size, operational female sex robots.
> 
> They are like $200,000 a pop and they custom build them for the buyers specific tastes. It also takes a year to get yours after you order it.
> 
> I'd want mine to look like Monica Bellucci. That is if I were a sick enough fvck to want to get one...which I'm not.
> 
> I don't think I could bang a machine.


One thing I always found curious is why all of these rather 'interesting' inventions are coming out of Japan. Why can't they invent something more useful for humanity as a whole? 

Unless of course sex robots end up solving the overpopulation problem, helping humanity indirectly, by seducing all males from their females instead. But uh oh, what if they become self-aware?! =O

Fembots could take over the world! Remember; although men may rule the world, women rule the men! If fembots take over women, we're fked!


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I was thinking that earlier, when you posted it the first time!
> 
> 
> 
> I think this is why I've been so hung up on Fireman. He's the only guy that ever really fvcked me the way I wanted, because he actually paid attention to what I responded to and didn't.
> 
> 
> 
> Now I'm all horny with nowhere to go :/



I understand and sympathize. I've been flirting with and chatting with dudes on Tinder and OKC, but it's not as satisfying as what I had before; it makes me sad, and even though I'm trying not to feel this way, I miss Guy and I'm depressed. I just really liked the way he fvcked me and I'm missing it something fierce.


----------



## moxy

Oh, by the way, I never realized how important the sound of a man's voice is to my attraction; noses, hands, and voices: if I don't feel a connection to them, it kills my attraction. I don't know if that's just a fetish or if it's some kind of defense mechanism. :/


----------



## RandomDude

We all have certain voice-types that we find sexy no? Accents too!

Makes a big difference in my book


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I understand and sympathize. I've been flirting with and chatting with dudes on Tinder and OKC, but it's not as satisfying as what I had before; it makes me sad, and even though I'm trying not to feel this way, I miss Guy and I'm depressed. I just really liked the way he fvcked me and I'm missing it something fierce.


^^^ THIS. All of this. But it's more than just the sex. It's everything, and alao just the being with him that I miss. We had this connection from the very beginning that I've never had with anyone else, and it was so easy when we were together. 

I will never understand what happened. I've never had "the one that got away," but now I think I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I've been told my voice is my best feature.


----------



## firebelly1

bandit.45 said:


> I've been told my voice is my best feature.


Not sure that's a good thing. 

Yeah - a man's voice is important. But a guy who's vocal in bed is also sexy. Most guys I've been with are pretty quiet until maybe the very end but when a guy moans with pleasure from what I'm doing to him it's such a turn-on.


----------



## firebelly1

Sorry Moxy and FP. I"m feeling it with Professor too. I'm on the online dating sites swiping everyone left. They are all "meh."


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Not sure that's a good thing.
> 
> Yeah - a man's voice is important. But a guy who's vocal in bed is also sexy. Most guys I've been with are pretty quiet until maybe the very end but when a guy moans with pleasure from what I'm doing to him it's such a turn-on.


Fireman was very vocal. Again, very different from the other men I've been with. I miss that.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> ^^^ THIS. All of this. But it's more than just the sex. It's everything, and alao just the being with him that I miss. We had this connection from the very beginning that I've never had with anyone else, and it was so easy when we were together.
> 
> I will never understand what happened. I've never had "the one that got away," but now I think I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FIP ok i get it that the sex was amazing and he was hot (been there)... but from what I remember, you two had a fundamental lack of communication, in addition he treated you like poop ( breaking dates, not calling or texting when he said he would), then pretty much using you as a place to stay overnight....


but why are you romanticizing him when he clearly either:
a). just wasn't that into you other than a convenient booty call?? (not sure if this is true but kinda seems like it)
b). you guys clearly were not long term compatible
c). he treated you like poop

Ladies, I have done enough dating in the last few years to know if he is into you he will put forth the effort... and if you have a fundamental compatibility issue it most likely wont work

FIP do you have a history of falling for guys who treat you like poop?


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Sorry Moxy and FP. I"m feeling it with Professor too. I'm on the online dating sites swiping everyone left. They are all "meh."


I'm doing a lot of left swiping, too. I've been chatting with a few guys, but there hasn't been much of a spark with any of them.

There was a military guy that I was talking to who ended up being batsh*t crazy. He came across as very alpha initially, which was cool, and we had a little good-natured textual sparring. I had messaged him first, and I mentioned that a lot of guys on Tinder don't message first, so I usually take the initiative. And he said, well, you didn't even give me a chance, I'm not like those guys, I would have messaged you first. So I asked him, "What would you have messaged me if you reached out first?" and he responded, "I would have asked if you are a democrat or Obama voter?" I said, "Yes, I am, are you?" (Because I am a liberal, but let's please not get into politics on this thread!) He responds with this screen-long tirade about how "that n*gger ruined this country etc etc. And if you had ever bothered to spend any time serving your country, you would feel the same way."

UNMATCH.

I have no problem with people having different political beliefs than mine, as long as they're well-considered and not just buying into the talking heads (and there's a lot of that on both sides). But blatant racism like that just makes my toes curl in a bad way. It has no place in a modern society.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> FIP ok i get it that the sex was amazing and he was hot (been there)... but from what I remember, you two had a fundamental lack of communication, in addition he treated you like poop ( breaking dates, not calling or texting when he said he would), then pretty much using you as a place to stay overnight....
> 
> but why are you romanticizing him when he clearly either:
> a). just wasn't that into you other than a convenient booty call?? (not sure if this is true but kinda seems like it)
> *I know this wasn't the case. (If I was a booty call, I was a very inconvenient booty call, since we live so far apart.) We spent a lot of time together that wasn't about the sex, time that a guy doesn't invest if it's a booty call.*
> 
> b). you guys clearly were not long term compatible
> *Maybe, maybe not.*
> 
> c). he treated you like poop
> *True, at the end... but for most of the time I was seeing him, this wasn't the case. As is typical, I mostly only posted here about the bad stuff. I didn't feel the need to post when things were good, because I was too busy enjoying the goodness of it.*
> 
> Ladies, I have done enough dating in the last few years to know if he is into you he will put forth the effort... and if you have a fundamental compatibility issue it most likely wont work
> 
> FIP do you have a history of falling for guys who treat you like poop?
> *Yes and no. I've had some boyfriends who've treated me great, I've had others who haven't.*


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I'm doing a lot of left swiping, too. I've been chatting with a few guys, but there hasn't been much of a spark with any of them.
> 
> There was a military guy that I was talking to who ended up being batsh*t crazy. He came across as very alpha initially, which was cool, and we had a little good-natured textual sparring. I had messaged him first, and I mentioned that a lot of guys on Tinder don't message first, so I usually take the initiative. And he said, well, you didn't even give me a chance, I'm not like those guys, I would have messaged you first. So I asked him, "What would you have messaged me if you reached out first?" and he responded, "I would have asked if you are a democrat or Obama voter?" I said, "Yes, I am, are you?" (Because I am a liberal, but let's please not get into politics on this thread!) He responds with this screen-long tirade about how "that n*gger ruined this country etc etc. And if you had ever bothered to spend any time serving your country, you would feel the same way."
> 
> UNMATCH.
> 
> I have no problem with people having different political beliefs than mine, as long as they're well-considered and not just buying into the talking heads (and there's a lot of that on both sides). But blatant racism like that just makes my toes curl in a bad way. It has no place in a modern society.


Yeah, with that being the first question he asked, I would not have even bothered answering! Ugh, few things I hate worse than politics!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, with that being the first question he asked, I would not have even bothered answering! Ugh, few things I hate worse than politics!


He should put in his bio, "Democrats and n*gger lovers, swipe left." Would have saved me a lot of trouble


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> I have no problem with people having different political beliefs than mine, as long as they're well-considered and not just buying into the talking heads (and there's a lot of that on both sides). But blatant racism like that just makes my toes curl in a bad way. It has no place in a modern society.


Agreed! If one can't substantiate their political stance with polite words, examples and discussing their personal belief system and instead revert to name calling, it only serves to make them look ignorant.

BTW, I think I posted this here a long time ago, but I went out with a guy from match and we got along OK. Set up a next date and texted a few times mid-week. At one point he asked my my opinion on some legislature and I answered that I supported it. He responded that he couldn't date someone who thought our personal liberties should be limited by the government and broke off our date. A few days later I got a 6x9 envelope with a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights in booklet form. LOL 

I'm not completely sure what it was that I supported - I think it was a discussions about automatic weapons and I thought we didn't need them to be available to the general public since they aren't used for hunting - noone needs a gun that shoots 20 rounds a second to bag a deer.

I still have them on my bookshelf.


----------



## firebelly1

EnjoliWoman said:


> Agreed! If one can't substantiate their political stance with polite words, examples and discussing their personal belief system and instead revert to name calling, it only serves to make them look ignorant.
> 
> BTW, I think I posted this here a long time ago, but I went out with a guy from match and we got along OK. Set up a next date and texted a few times mid-week. At one point he asked my my opinion on some legislature and I answered that I supported it. He responded that he couldn't date someone who thought our personal liberties should be limited by the government and broke off our date. A few days later I got a 6x9 envelope with a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights in booklet form. LOL
> 
> I'm not completely sure what it was that I supported - I think it was a discussions about automatic weapons and I thought we didn't need them to be available to the general public since they aren't used for hunting - noone needs a gun that shoots 20 rounds a second to bag a deer.
> 
> I still have them on my bookshelf.


Because you are ignorant and had never read the second amendment before. If only you had...then you would agree with him. How thoughtful of him to educate you.


----------



## BaxJanson

(Gets out little notebook and reading glasses.)

"Don't... open... with... politics." 

Note taken and appreciated, ladies.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm right up front with being biracial, far-left socialist and pro non-violence. That solves a LOT of issues, by avoiding them altogether.
I'm dating in the Eurozone, not an unlikely outcome.


----------



## movealong

I didn't realize today is "Bosses Day". I walked out to the front of my Department to a nice card and a 4 layer chocolate cake with chocolate shavings on it. I am in chocolate heaven.


----------



## FeministInPink

BaxJanson said:


> (Gets out little notebook and reading glasses.)
> 
> "Don't... open... with... politics."
> 
> Note taken and appreciated, ladies.


:rofl:

Generally, I think that modern politics are so partisan that it's pretty easy to tell which side of the fence most people fall on, just through a little bit of conversation. There are very few moderates these days. (But my perception may be skewed by living in DC, which is highly politicized, obviously.)


----------



## TooNice

I haven't been on here for a few days and there is way too much to catch up on! Great conversations, as always. I will state again how grateful I am to have you all sharing your experiences and wisdom here. Although I just lurk a good deal, I love what I learn here. It's perfect when I'm turning something over in my mind...wondering what the "right" thing is, and I stop here only to read a conversation about it. Thank you. 

I saw the young lawyer again last night. We went to a play and had a really nice night. He invited me in after, and I declined...but we did sit in my car for awhile.  

I am mulling many things over today...like what's "appropriate" and all that. But I also had a clear vision last night about how lonely I was and for how long. It's pretty nice to be looked at and SEEN. 

I won't be seeing him again for about a week, but I need to figure out if I'm going to nix my prior thoughts about waiting, or just be honest with each other about what this probably is and let it happen.

In the meantime, I'm rather enjoying the dopey grin I get when he texts me.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm thinking about joining the dating scene again. Maybe after this weekend - the last hurrah of the yard work season.


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> Not sure that's a good thing.
> 
> .


:scratchhead:

I don't get it.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> ^^^ THIS. All of this. But it's more than just the sex. It's everything, and alao just the being with him that I miss. We had this connection from the very beginning that I've never had with anyone else, and it was so easy when we were together.
> 
> I will never understand what happened. I've never had "the one that got away," but now I think I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*slap*

No you don't. You had one that showed you what a connection felt like. Keep in mind all of the red flags. You walked away for some very good reasons. Now, you know what to look for re: the connection minus the red flags. HE is out there...and there are more than one of him. 

Do not rewrite history.


----------



## firebelly1

bandit.45 said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I don't get it.


If it were me, I would want something else besides my voice to be my BEST feature. All I'm sayin'.


----------



## Fenix

EnjoliWoman said:


> Agreed! If one can't substantiate their political stance with polite words, examples and discussing their personal belief system and instead revert to name calling, it only serves to make them look ignorant.
> 
> BTW, I think I posted this here a long time ago, but I went out with a guy from match and we got along OK. Set up a next date and texted a few times mid-week. At one point he asked my my opinion on some legislature and I answered that I supported it. He responded that he couldn't date someone who thought our personal liberties should be limited by the government and broke off our date. A few days later I got a 6x9 envelope with a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights in booklet form. LOL
> 
> I'm not completely sure what it was that I supported - I think it was a discussions about automatic weapons and I thought we didn't need them to be available to the general public since they aren't used for hunting - noone needs a gun that shoots 20 rounds a second to bag a deer.
> 
> I still have them on my bookshelf.


That is hilarious. 


BaxJanson said:


> (Gets out little notebook and reading glasses.)
> 
> "Don't... open... with... politics."
> 
> Note taken and appreciated, ladies.


No, do! Especially if it is important to you. I like it, but like HNU, I am pretty liberal. I could date a moderate but not a wackaloon tea partier! :rofl:



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm right up front with being biracial, far-left socialist and pro non-violence. That solves a LOT of issues, by avoiding them altogether.
> I'm dating in the Eurozone, not an unlikely outcome.


Exactly. What a great filter.



FeministInPink said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Generally, I think that modern politics are so partisan that it's pretty easy to tell which side of the fence most people fall on, just through a little bit of conversation. There are very few moderates these days. (But my perception may be skewed by living in DC, which is highly politicized, obviously.)


My first DC dates were interesting. The first one was a staff worker for McCain when he ran. He was fairly moderate though and very, very funny. The second one worked on the campaign for McAuliffe. Also quite nice and not what I would call a die hard liberal.



TooNice said:


> I saw the young lawyer again last night. We went to a play and had a really nice night. He invited me in after, and I declined...but we did sit in my car for awhile.
> 
> I am mulling many things over today...like what's "appropriate" and all that. But I also had a clear vision last night about how lonely I was and for how long. It's pretty nice to be looked at and SEEN.
> 
> I won't be seeing him again for about a week, but I need to figure out if I'm going to nix my prior thoughts about waiting, or just be honest with each other about what this probably is and let it happen.
> 
> In the meantime, I'm rather enjoying the dopey grin I get when he texts me.


What's the downside of getting your freak on? May as well have some fun.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Oh, by the way, I never realized how important the sound of a man's voice is to my attraction; noses, hands, and voices: if I don't feel a connection to them, it kills my attraction. I don't know if that's just a fetish or if it's some kind of defense mechanism. :/


I totally agree. I love hands, eyes, smile, teeth, but also voice 



FeministInPink said:


> ^^^ THIS. All of this. But it's more than just the sex. It's everything, and alao just the being with him that I miss. We had this connection from the very beginning that I've never had with anyone else, and it was so easy when we were together.
> 
> I will never understand what happened. I've never had "the one that got away," but now I think I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are very vulnerable at the moment and romanticizing everything about the relationship. I give you big hugs.
But read this "Blue was my soulmate, we had something so special, he was the man of my dream, and now he is with his wife and I am completely lost without him!!" It sounds ridiculous right?

See??? It makes no sense because I practically wrote eveything that happened with that guy. It wasnt all great. It never is. Yes, we had our good moments like I am sure YOU GUYS had your great moments. 
Yes, you could go ask him to take you back but would you want that?? I would like you to read Never Be Loney Again by PatLove and Jon Carlson. The tittle is lame (oh so lame) but it is really good. 



Fenix said:


> *slap*
> 
> No you don't. You had one that showed you what a connection felt like. Keep in mind all of the red flags. You walked away for some very good reasons. Now, you know what to look for re: the connection minus the red flags. HE is out there...and there are more than one of him.
> 
> Do not rewrite history.


:iagree:

EDIT: I am totally nervous and excited about tonight


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Fenix said:


> *slap*
> 
> No you don't. You had one that showed you what a connection felt like. Keep in mind all of the red flags. You walked away for some very good reasons. Now, you know what to look for re: the connection minus the red flags. HE is out there...and there are more than one of him.
> 
> Do not rewrite history.


Just because she is missing him/the sex/whatever, doesnt mean that she is wishing to have him back.


----------



## firebelly1

3Xnocharm said:


> Just because she is missing him/the sex/whatever, doesnt mean that she is wishing to have him back.


She said she thought he might be the "one that got away." If he treated her poorly, he wasn't. Fenix issuing reality check slap.


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> If it were me, I would want something else besides my voice to be my BEST feature. All I'm sayin'.


Oh.


----------



## Fenix

3Xnocharm said:


> Just because she is missing him/the sex/whatever, doesnt mean that she is wishing to have him back.



What else does "The one that got away" mean?

FIP is rewriting history in this moment. She had good reasons when she ended it...that is what she needs to remember.



firebelly1 said:


> She said she thought he might be the "one that got away." If he treated her poorly, he wasn't. Fenix issuing reality check slap.


A loving reality check slap!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Fenix said:


> I like it, but like HNU, I am pretty liberal. I could date a moderate but not a wackaloon tea partier! :rofl:


I could not date a moderate. There is a huge difference between a socialist and a moderate. Just as there's a huge difference between a socialist and a communist. 

I had a friend (she moved away) whose husband was a doctor-lawyer. Conservative, very. Well-connected politically. But socially minded, mind you. Thing is, I was always visiting my friend when she lived in MacLean (VA) and her husband's friends would hit on me when they came over to go out. They thought I was going out. I said, ummmm, no, I'm here to watch the kids for my friend. (And to help her finish her graduate work in Public Health from Emory, because her husband wouldn't...she left school to get married, sigh.) To be clear, her husband was friendly with me, one time I biked to their place when they were living here, and he made me a sandwich. My friend was :-o (Name) made you that sandwich????? 

I have broken a lot of Republican hearts. 

And not just in romance, they try to get me to work for them, too. :rofl:

The guy I'm interested in, rides a bus or walks to work.


----------



## badcompany

FeministInPink said:


> ^^^ THIS. All of this. But it's more than just the sex. It's everything, and alao just the being with him that I miss. We had this connection from the very beginning that I've never had with anyone else, and it was so easy when we were together.
> 
> I will never understand what happened. I've never had "the one that got away," but now I think I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This does happen. I'll say I feel I've been on each side once since I started dating again. A couple things don't quite click for one person and the other is like "lets do this!". It's a bit painful when it ends no matter which side you're on, but if the feelings aren't mutual it's not going to work and there isn't anything you can do about it.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I'm doing a lot of left swiping, too. I've been chatting with a few guys, but there hasn't been much of a spark with any of them.
> 
> There was a military guy that I was talking to who ended up being batsh*t crazy. He came across as very alpha initially, which was cool, and we had a little good-natured textual sparring. I had messaged him first, and I mentioned that a lot of guys on Tinder don't message first, so I usually take the initiative. And he said, well, you didn't even give me a chance, I'm not like those guys, I would have messaged you first. So I asked him, "What would you have messaged me if you reached out first?" and he responded, "I would have asked if you are a democrat or Obama voter?" I said, "Yes, I am, are you?" (Because I am a liberal, but let's please not get into politics on this thread!) He responds with this screen-long tirade about how "that n*gger ruined this country etc etc. And if you had ever bothered to spend any time serving your country, you would feel the same way."
> 
> UNMATCH.
> 
> I have no problem with people having different political beliefs than mine, as long as they're well-considered and not just buying into the talking heads (and there's a lot of that on both sides). But blatant racism like that just makes my toes curl in a bad way. It has no place in a modern society.


OMG and to think he WILL find someone who likes that :/ smh


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Get to know someone really well before you have sex. And, if it's not going to work, then don't have sex. There is a certain type of person who is really good at sex, and it's their calling card. The rest of the connection can be managed by them at times, but it's not their forte. If you need and want connection, get that first. Sex can be worked on, it's a skill. There are videos, etc. I think many people don't want to have to manage the complex communication required to experiment around and see what really works for them sexually, so they tend to date around until they get the 'wow' in sex and then try to finesse the other stuff on the premise that things can be worked out. BUT, it's a lot more fun to work out the sex if the communication and connection is already happening. Best way to bomb a relationship that works sexually....start talking about how to build communication and connection out of bed. FAIL!!!!


----------



## Another Planet

unsure78 said:


> FIP ok i get it that the sex was amazing and he was hot (been there)... but from what I remember, you two had a fundamental lack of communication, in addition he treated you like poop ( breaking dates, not calling or texting when he said he would), then pretty much using you as a place to stay overnight....
> 
> 
> but why are you romanticizing him when he clearly either:
> a). just wasn't that into you other than a convenient booty call?? (not sure if this is true but kinda seems like it)
> b). you guys clearly were not long term compatible
> c). he treated you like poop
> 
> Ladies, I have done enough dating in the last few years to know if he is into you he will put forth the effort... and if you have a fundamental compatibility issue it most likely wont work
> 
> FIP do you have a history of falling for guys who treat you like poop?


Yes...a matter of fact it goes the same for guys too  if a woman wants you she will show you it's just up to you to pick up what she is putting down. 
The one thing I can say looking back on it all is you should not have to try to make it work, it just happens...it clicks and usually with the only effort put forth being making sure you are true to yourself.


----------



## vi_bride04

Yup, echoing what AP and unsure said. 

And I understand the whole "one that might have got away" thought... Had it for awhile... Then realized the red flags and issues were way more than the good qualities. Stepping back and not having as much contact really really really put things into focus.


----------



## bravenewworld

Agreeing with Homemaker on the sex pros. One guy I dated knew more about vaginas than an OBGYN. He later admitted to me he "really focused on the sex" aspect to "hook" women in. Usually they got frustrated and dumped him, but because he was so good in bed he wound up with several ongoing FB/FWB situations. Tricky tricky! He even had me going back once (it was a moment of weakness!) 

Fem totally get the rewrite, we've all been there. Fenix however is totally correct with the tough love. You feel how you feel but I have no doubt he "got away" to make room for someone better to come into your life.

And on the plus side, sounds like you discovered some things about yourself sexually you can articulate to your next partner. Bonus!! :thumbs up:


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> The one thing I can say looking back on it all is you should not have to try to make it work, it just happens...it clicks and usually with the only effort put forth being *making sure you are true to yourself*.


You know...I used to always believe it took work. I am not so sure now. I am coming to think like you. When it is right, maybe it isn't.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> The one thing I can say looking back on it all is you should not have to try to make it work, it just happens...it clicks and usually with the only effort put forth being making sure you are true to yourself.


I do think you should be true to yourself, but I also don't think that a relationship can just happen without any effort. Any relationship is a risk of time and energy and emotion. Energy, time and emotion that we usually give to ourselves, our own lives and careers, and existing relationships with family and friends. It does take effort to make the time and take the risks necessary to connect with another human being who has the same competing forces for their time, energy and emotion. It is sometimes difficult to be present for a relationship, merely showing up is not going to cut it.

A dance well done looks effortless. But there is a lot of effort and training involved, and there is an opportunity cost to every dance that makes it to the floor. One you've committed to a dance, you have to connect and focus on your partner, no matter what else wants to go on in your mind, it has no place there. You have to pay attention to what you're connected to and respond and synchronize, interpret and move together. It is never without effort. Often the effort is fun, and it's mutually agreed upon, but when mistakes happen, people need to be able to keep moving, together. 

Effortless, no way. But if you can find someone who is following the same beat, and likes the same music and types of dance (to extend the analogy) you will have more fun, and it will seem like less effort.

No matter who we choose to be with in life, or where we choose to be, or what we choose to do, there is opportunity cost. And to filter out those costs and opportunities, to focus on our one choice, and to make that choice the best by making it count by being present in it, does require effort. 

Hoping for easy is not a good strategy. I don't think it will happen.


----------



## Another Planet

Sacrifice does not equal love though.


----------



## bravenewworld

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I do think you should be true to yourself, but I also don't think that a relationship can just happen without any effort. Any relationship is a risk of time and energy and emotion. Energy, time and emotion that we usually give to ourselves, our own lives and careers, and existing relationships with family and friends. It does take effort to make the time and take the risks necessary to connect with another human being who has the same competing forces for their time, energy and emotion. It is sometimes difficult to be present for a relationship, merely showing up is not going to cut it.


I get this and AP's point as well - both are true in their own way. 

I think what is true about AP's view is that when forging a beginning relationship it should come easily and not feel like a hornet's nest of work and drama. The primary work of both parties is staying true to themselves and allowing the other person to be themselves as well. If the bonding stage is without too much strife, it proves that their general nature may very well be compatible. 

Once invested into creating a lasting relationship, a different type of energy and emotional maturity is required to maintain the bond. As attracted as you can be to someone, that WILL be tested over any lengthy period of time, and you will occasionally have to pick up the slack and be supportive to that other person's needs. And they will have to be willing to do the same for you. 

I think the main crux of this is some people (including myself) put up with WAY too much drama and strife in the beginning of the relationship because there is affection/passion/chemistry. But when that fades, what are we left with? A pit of quicksand on which to build a relationship. It's not sustainable.


----------



## Fenix

bravenewworld said:


> I get this and AP's point as well - both are true in their own way.
> 
> I think what is true about AP's view is that when forging a beginning relationship it should come easily and not feel like a hornet's nest of work and drama. The primary work of both parties is staying true to themselves and allowing the other person to be themselves as well. If the bonding stage is without too much strife, it proves that their general nature may very well be compatible.
> 
> Once invested into creating a lasting relationship, a different type of energy and emotional maturity is required to maintain the bond. As attracted as you can be to someone, that WILL be tested over any lengthy period of time, and you will occasionally have to pick up the slack and be supportive to that other person's needs. And they will have to be willing to do the same for you.
> 
> I think the main crux of this is some people (including myself) put up with WAY too much drama and strife in the beginning of the relationship because there is affection/passion/chemistry. But when that fades, what are we left with? A pit of quicksand on which to build a relationship. It's not sustainable.


Bravo!!!

Yes. Exactly.


----------



## bravenewworld

Piggy-backing on Ne's fun date - I have a date as well for next week! 

Really excited, he is super funny and cool and attractive. He knows how to be silly and joke around while being a gentleman. So basically, he's a unicorn. 

I know it was one of the guys who posted the original quote and I apologize for forgetting who exactly but I'm having a Shawshank Redemption moment. "I hope. I hope."


----------



## Another Planet

Honestly I have never really had a healthy relationship so my tolerances are probably higher then most..... But what I do know is if you are true to yourself and you keep being who you are suppose to be and someone happens to come into your life and just fits in with little effort whether it be a new friend or lover or soulmate whatever they are but the best ones just happen like it was suppose to and you don't even have to try.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Honestly I have never really had a healthy relationship so my tolerances are probably higher then most..... But what I do know is if you are true to yourself and you keep being who you are suppose to be and someone happens to come into your life and just fits in with little effort whether it be a new friend or lover or soulmate whatever they are but the best ones just happen like it was suppose to and you don't even have to try.


I have been following the WYSIWYG philosophy rigorously since my marriage ended, both personally and professionally. Probably due to my age as well as my situation. 

It did take longer to find a job, but oh well!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> Sacrifice does not equal love though.


Who said anything about sacrifice?
That was for Jesus, and all the other martyrs.

It's definitely not sacrifice if you're getting something out of it, as you should. Then it's called investment.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bravenewworld said:


> I get this and AP's point as well - both are true in their own way.
> 
> I think what is true about AP's view is that when forging a beginning relationship it should come easily and not feel like a hornet's nest of work and drama. The primary work of both parties is staying true to themselves and allowing the other person to be themselves as well. If the bonding stage is without too much strife, it proves that their general nature may very well be compatible.
> 
> Once invested into creating a lasting relationship, a different type of energy and emotional maturity is required to maintain the bond. As attracted as you can be to someone, that WILL be tested over any lengthy period of time, and you will occasionally have to pick up the slack and be supportive to that other person's needs. And they will have to be willing to do the same for you.
> 
> I think the main crux of this is some people (including myself) put up with WAY too much drama and strife in the beginning of the relationship because there is affection/passion/chemistry. But when that fades, what are we left with? A pit of quicksand on which to build a relationship. It's not sustainable.


I think if most of us go back and look at the beginning of the relationships with the 'drama at the outset" we'll find that there was no drama at the outset, the drama began after the 'partner' figured out that we were well invested in the relationship (hooked into the rewards) and would be loathe to walk. Then they resumed their business as usual, i.e. drama. But accompanied it with excuses or deflecting in order to get away with it for a bit longer (thus allowing more rewards, but increasingly random...in terms of timing and quality...) Slot machine syndrome results. We are loathe to back out, and when we do, we feel tricked/betrayed/misled. 

Just as these 'partners' follow a method, we should too.
We should make the vetting process reasonable and fair and in line with what would be expected in a long term/permanent life-long relationship, and not give 'payouts' at the beginning, or free samples (not referring to sex, referring to over-extending generosity) or 'invest' too much too soon as though we had something to prove. If someone is truly looking and seriously looking and willing to do the work, they will sense quality and take whatever time and effort needed to explore it. That is, we should see and sense an equal investment from the 'partner'. I wouldn't say go out of your way to be disagreeable, but I'd certainly say don't go out of your way to be too agreeable/flexible at the outset. 

For me, I'm definitely looking for someone with good boundaries who will invest a good part of their energies into family/couple life. So I set a good example of what I want by not over-investing time/energy/money in a dating relationship. I want someone I can bring home (permanently) who is going to behave the same way when it comes to people/organizations/causes that will pull energy and resources away from my main focus, which for the next 8 years, is family life. If I over-invest and take away from my kids and self in the short term, it's sending a false signal. And there would be trouble later. 

I'm also leery of someone who wants to help out beyond just the occasional recognition of where my priorities lie, in the beginning it's enough to have positive acknowledgement when I've chosen to make my partner a priority for whatever amount of time (and done so explicitly at times, at cost to work, etc.) I wouldn't expect any more than that, and also nice to see partner is still there after I've taken care of other priorities when I need to, without feeling stress/anxiety that I'm going to get grief for doing so. (i.e. just can't win syndrome...)


If you drag your feet long enough in the beginning of a relationship, usually people with red flags will disappear long before you see the red flags. Or you might see one or two when they try them out on you, and then they disappear.


----------



## Another Planet

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Who said anything about sacrifice?
> That was for Jesus, and all the other martyrs.
> 
> It's definitely not sacrifice if you're getting something out of it, as you should. Then it's called investment.


LOL yeah you are right about that...which is a huge reason for me being atheist. Sacrifice does not equal love...to me in laymen terms that basically means I did this for you so you owe me 

I suppose effort can differ between others descriptions but what I am referring to is sacrificing key things about yourself for someone else, and you can even minute it to the point of your daily life structure.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> what I am referring to is sacrificing key things about yourself for someone else, and you can even minute it to the point of your daily life structure.


I agree with you there, h*ll, no. 
You can see how that went down on Mount Calvary.

By the way, did you see the movie of the same name (Calvary), directed by the same guy who directed "The Guard". Both well worth seeing on the big screen, or going out of your way to rent.


----------



## RandomDude

It's official ladies and gentleman...

I... AM... SEXY!!!!!!!!!!! 



Bubble needs to be popped! Someone tell me I'm ugly! Bah!


----------



## ne9907

RD you are ugly. Jk!!

Sounds like you have a huge crush ð

My date went really well. He is a good kisser.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> It's official ladies and gentleman...
> 
> I... AM... SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Bubble needs to be popped! Someone tell me I'm ugly! Bah!


It's a vex...what more needs to be said lol...good on you :smthumbup: cheers buddy from across the world!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> It's official ladies and gentleman...
> 
> I... AM... SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Bubble needs to be popped! Someone tell me I'm ugly! Bah!


How did the discovery come about anyway Fabio :rofl:
We need the story


----------



## ne9907

Whenever you meet someone, you have a couple of great dates, you talk about what each other wants in a relationship and you are both on the same page; do you worry that he/she will find someone else online?

I really like Charlie (not real name) he likes me too. He doesn't mind the distance separating us, and I am worrying he will find someone closer to him. I know we have only had two dates but I like him a lot lol


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> Whenever you meet someone, you have a couple of great dates, you talk about what each other wants in a relationship and you are both on the same page; do you worry that he/she will find someone else online?
> 
> I really like Charlie (not real name) he likes me too. He doesn't mind the distance separating us, and I am worrying he will find someone closer to him. I know we have only had two dates but I like him a lot lol


What happened to taking a break from dating???? lol


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Whenever you meet someone, you have a couple of great dates, you talk about what each other wants in a relationship and you are both on the same page; do you worry that he/she will find someone else online?
> 
> I really like Charlie (not real name) he likes me too. He doesn't mind the distance separating us, and I am worrying he will find someone closer to him. I know we have only had two dates but I like him a lot lol


If he finds someone else, here are some steps to follow:

1) be disappointed. Tell yourself you are disappointed. Stop there. Don't list reasons for disappointment. Just have the emotion.

2) Think of the fun and enjoyment you had on your dates. That will happen again, but with someone else and in a different way.

3) If you can't move on quickly after this try to assess if you were projecting too much into the future too soon. And if so figure out a way to own much of that future you were imagining for yourself, without being dependent on one person or another to make it happen. (i.e. develop resiliency)


----------



## ne9907

I shot myself in the foot. I actually think I am ready to try something serious. Perhaps time will prove me wrong. 
Btw he is not as hot as I thought. . . But still good looking. He kinda looks as if he was a jock in high school ugh


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> It's official ladies and gentleman...
> 
> I... AM... SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!





whitehawk said:


> How did the discovery come about anyway Fabio :rofl:


:rofl::smthumbup:



ne9907 said:


> Whenever you meet someone, you have a couple of great dates, you talk about what each other wants in a relationship and you are both on the same page; do you worry that he/she will find someone else online?


They could meet someone online, in real life, tomorrow, a week from now or years into your relationship.

The point is: you can't worry about stuff that might happen. Enjoy getting to know him and go from there.

With that said, I am not a an of long-distance. It is so vexing!


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> I shot myself in the foot. I actually think I am ready to try something serious. Perhaps time will prove me wrong.
> Btw he is not as hot as I thought. . . But still good looking. He kinda looks as if he was a jock in high school ugh


Not sure what this means???

Not a fan of LD relationships either. However, you can't worry about what might happen. If it does, it does. Then, you move on.


----------



## 06Daddio08

So..... when I come back to read the next batch of pages, Charlie better not be in any posts.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> So..... when I come back to read the next batch of pages, Charlie better not be in any posts.


:lol:
You crack me up!
I actually like this guy a lot, so I shall keep the secrets of our thing to myself and not share with you 

Unless of course, if he becomes my boyfriend, or we decide to end things!

EDIT: have not have sex with him. I want to wait to get to know him better


----------



## whitehawk

Why are women always in such a hurry to start dating again?
I notice with 99% of them it's even only days and they're at it again.
Some might come out of a 1 or 2yr thing yet within a wk or two they're back at it .
And for any that don't find or whatever you wanna call it , something long term , they're just pretty well at it non stop , new dates every wk or even every few days , on and on.

l can never understand where that comes from.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> Why are women always in such a hurry to start dating again?
> I notice with 99% of them it's even only days and they're at it again.
> Some might come out of a 1 or 2yr thing yet within a wk or two they're back at it .
> And for any that don't find or whatever you wanna call it , something long term , they're just pretty well at it non stop , new dates every wk or even every few days , on and on.
> 
> l can never understand where that comes from.


Loneliness
Lack of self esteem - dating can provide a huge ego boost
Fear
Boredom - dating can be quite fun.


----------



## firebelly1

The "Coping with Infidelity" thread is the one that makes me most hesitant to date....but...

Note to self: do not volunteer phone number. Wait for him to ask for it. Feminism be damned, apparently.

Speaking of which...yesterday listening to Dan Savage a guy called in saying he has a female friend who is in a relationship with a guy that doesn't laugh at her jokes. Caller says this woman is just funny by nature and he thinks she shouldn't be with someone who doesn't appreciate that about her. Dan said when he first got the call his advice was going to be "So what?" But his female producer slapped him and then explained to the audience that she thought this was actually a feminist issue. She told the story of being at a party where everyone was laughing at the funny comments the men were making but the men weren't laughing at the ones the women were making. So the funniest woman of the group, seeing the phenomenon, invited all the women outside so they could laugh with one another, exclusive of the men. The men started trickling outside because, as the producer explained it, they needed the women to laugh at their jokes. 

This was an ah-ha for me. I can actually be quite funny on occasion but in my marriage, only my husband was allowed to be the funny one.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

whitehawk said:


> Why are women always in such a hurry to start dating again?
> I notice with 99% of them it's even only days and they're at it again.
> Some might come out of a 1 or 2yr thing yet within a wk or two they're back at it .
> And for any that don't find or whatever you wanna call it , something long term , they're just pretty well at it non stop , new dates every wk or even every few days , on and on.
> 
> l can never understand where that comes from.


I think you are only hearing from / seeing the women who are dating. So your sample is biased. The ones who are not dating or looking around are quietly minding their own business getting college degrees, working, taking nice vacations, raising kids, spending time with their friends... so of course you won't see or hear from them. Only the women who are out trolling are noticeable, the rest are actively hiding...


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> Why are women always in such a hurry to start dating again?
> I notice with 99% of them it's even only days and they're at it again.
> Some might come out of a 1 or 2yr thing yet within a wk or two they're back at it .
> And for any that don't find or whatever you wanna call it , something long term , they're just pretty well at it non stop , new dates every wk or even every few days , on and on.
> 
> l can never understand where that comes from.


WH, I've seen just the opposite among my friends, family and acquaintances. I've always asked why the men are always in such a hurry, while I see a lot of women waiting... sometimes longer than necessary, in my opinion.


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Why are women always in such a hurry to start dating again?
> I notice with 99% of them it's even only days and they're at it again.
> ...
> l can never understand where that comes from.


I suspect that it's not a gender thing as much as it is a personality thing. And, I don't think it's quite as common as it feels to you; reconsider the data. In my opinion, getting back out there has to do with seeking human connection -- either in the moment or for something longer in term. 



firebelly1 said:


> Note to self: do not volunteer phone number. Wait for him to ask for it. Feminism be damned, apparently.
> ...
> This was an ah-ha for me. I can actually be quite funny on occasion but in my marriage, only my husband was allowed to be the funny one.


Why shouldn't one volunteer one's phone number? Is it the traditional concept of allowing the man to be the one who chases after or hunts the woman that you're internalizing?

Fixed roles can be so damaging. It's interesting that you say that. In my marriage, I felt like I had to be the serious one, even though I had hoped he'd be more of an anchor for me, or that we'd be anchors for each other. Much of my personality eroded under the pressure of such a fixed role.



FeministInPink said:


> I've always asked why the men are always in such a hurry, while I see a lot of women waiting... sometimes longer than necessary, in my opinion.


This is something I'm contending with, these days, in a way. My heart is hung up on confusion and uncertainty and I can't make sense of my own contributions to my situation. If I go back and look at text messages and remember conversations I had with Guy, most of the time, he was trying to be more relationship-like and I was keeping him at arm's length, mainly out of fear (I didn't want to be clingy, annoying, or overly available and thought that he would seek me out if he wanted me; if I go back and examine things, it looks like he was always a little concerned that I was just using him for sex, which isn't something I did enough to address because I never actually told him how I felt about him and I did act on my higher-than-his libido fairly often in trying to turn cuddling into sex), but in the end, his actions (Houdini act from here to overseas without a goodbye) showed me that he didn't want that anymore. I can accept that, but there is something that doesn't sit right with me about it, yet. So, logically, I think I should move forward because he is not interested or even in the country nowadays. And, I'm in the mood for some company, after all (though I'd prefer his, I'll take someone else's, if the moment feels right). I've been dipping my toes in the waters of a couple left-or-right-swipe based apps lately, but I feel a strange sense of guilt and nostalgia. On the one hand, I am horny and lonely and don't see why I shouldn't have meaningless sex when it's available because I like having fun; on the other hand, some aspect of me is anxious about keeping the number of romantic partners I have low because, in part, I don't want to meet someone significant and then, in discussing previous romantic partners, give a number I dislike. I'm really bothered by my feelings about this because I actually don't think it matters how many people one has sex with, as long as one is not inviting too much damage. I have no idea where this weird judgey attitude has come from. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll just develop another emotional connection and I am trying to avoid more heartbreak. Maybe I'm still hung up on someone because I have my own regrets. I don't know. Both are factors influencing my desire to date/hook-up or avoid it. Anyway...I think that people sometimes get caught up in emotions, instead of looking at the logic. I suppose they wait too long out of unresolved issues -- but, that's usually also the reason people don't wait long enough, too.


----------



## bravenewworld

firebelly1 said:


> Speaking of which...yesterday listening to Dan Savage a guy called in saying he has a female friend who is in a relationship with a guy that doesn't laugh at her jokes. Caller says this woman is just funny by nature and he thinks she shouldn't be with someone who doesn't appreciate that about her. Dan said when he first got the call his advice was going to be "So what?" But his female producer slapped him and then explained to the audience that she thought this was actually a feminist issue. She told the story of being at a party where everyone was laughing at the funny comments the men were making but the men weren't laughing at the ones the women were making. So the funniest woman of the group, seeing the phenomenon, invited all the women outside so they could laugh with one another, exclusive of the men. The men started trickling outside because, as the producer explained it, they needed the women to laugh at their jokes.
> 
> This was an ah-ha for me. I can actually be quite funny on occasion but in my marriage, only my husband was allowed to be the funny one.


I was in the same boat - which is weird because I'm known for my sense of humor and my ex never was. He was always interrupting me saying things like "It'd be more funny it if was xyz." Which of course, it never was. He just had to feel like he was more humorous. Eventually he completely stopped laughing at all my jokes as some weird spite move. I was also treated nearly every day to passive aggressive "jokes" about how much better men are at everything than women. Including in my career field and all of my hobbies. 

It wasn't all bad times, but wow, did it get BAD. So happy to be free from all that chauvinism and negativity.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> WH, I've seen just the opposite among my friends, family and acquaintances. I've always asked why the men are always in such a hurry, while I see a lot of women waiting... sometimes longer than necessary, in my opinion.


Every guy I know who ended a serious relationship started dating within 3 weeks. Most of the women I know waited at least 6+ months. 

Now, if it's just a casual thing ending - why wait? No use crying over spilt milk. Feels like you develop a thicker skin over time. It's a been a little over 2 weeks since things ended with Aviator and I feel ready to move on. I rarely think of him at all.


----------



## ne9907

Even though I said I would quit dating for a while, I decided not to because I know what I want in a relationship. I ended things with 06daddios08's unmentionable because he could not give me what I wanted. Why wait if a person knows what she/he wants?


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> WH, I've seen just the opposite among my friends, family and acquaintances. I've always asked why the men are always in such a hurry, while I see a lot of women waiting... sometimes longer than necessary, in my opinion.
> 
> 
> 
> Every guy I know who ended a serious relationship started dating within 3 weeks. Most of the women I know waited at least 6+ months.
> 
> Now, if it's just a casual thing ending - why wait? No use crying over spilt milk. Feels like you develop a thicker skin over time. It's a been a little over 2 weeks since things ended with Aviator and I feel ready to move on. I rarely think of him at all.
Click to expand...

 Exactly!! Why cry over a casual thing?
If things with Charlie don't work out, next please. 
Yes I do like him a lot and yes I am putting too many feelings into this but that's who I am. I am an emotional touchy feely kind of girl.


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah true pointing out those things.
l just noticed it here for example or when l was doing the date site thing , they just never seem to give up . But hey , l wasn't dating guys and maybe the ones out there are just the same , dunno .
ln RL though, l don't know too many guys in any hurry at all tbh but , that's not in the dating scene side of the coin so . 
l can sure as hell get the missing connection , companionship, loneliness .


----------



## moxy

Tonight, I went to the gym and decided to spend the night working. I even turned down two dates because I wasn't sure how I felt (not a hell yes, but a maybe). Staying in for a change is kinda re-energizing. Maybe I will be all caught up on in work soon and in the mood to party, again.


----------



## RandomDude

Fenix said:


> dating can provide a huge ego boost


So can FWBs  In fact, given the nature of the 'relationship' the ego boosts from FWBs may even be considered more sincere, which makes them super duper ego boosts 

The type that inspires you to declare that YOU ARE SEXY! 

Heh


----------



## whitehawk

Well , that's been a funny thing for me and not what l use to be use to at all in that way.
Women as they get older are much more cautious and pretty hold backish dishing it out when their feelings are on the line.
Even with T now and as much as we've shared and done already , she shows much more than she actually says in that way. She's still a bit like a wary animal and l often feel for her in that way as she's had a lot of [email protected] and it shows .
With the word , she is a very slow burner , which really turns me on but also touches me all in one .
Especially when her actions betray her hold back and give away all , so cute


----------



## 06Daddio08

You might be sexy RD, but are you getting asked to grind on tables in the middle of a party, like a male stripper sexy?

Cuz this guy is and he did.

Boom.


----------



## ne9907

I am a emonji wh0re... that is all


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Why are women always in such a hurry to start dating again?
> I notice with 99% of them it's even only days and they're at it again.
> Some might come out of a 1 or 2yr thing yet within a wk or two they're back at it .
> And for any that don't find or whatever you wanna call it , something long term , they're just pretty well at it non stop , new dates every wk or even every few days , on and on.
> 
> l can never understand where that comes from.


You are just running into the wrong type WH, I have had the same problem. Probably 75% of women you date or talk to are active daters so they always have a long list of guys available. I am not saying they are easy or ****ty just the type that need the security of a backup or a long list of backups.....which I personally think negatively effects any relationship they might be in or get in to so they will never have a real relationship anyway and just bounce from guy to guy to guy.
None the less there are a ton of women you totally miss because they are doing something OTHER then looking for a new guy like raising kids or building a career or doing yoga or training to climb mount everest...not saying they aren't interested in dating IF the right guy comes along just saying they typically don't need the security of having "options"


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> The "Coping with Infidelity" thread is the one that makes me most hesitant to date....but...
> 
> Note to self: do not volunteer phone number. Wait for him to ask for it. Feminism be damned, apparently.
> 
> Speaking of which...yesterday listening to Dan Savage a guy called in saying he has a female friend who is in a relationship with a guy that doesn't laugh at her jokes. Caller says this woman is just funny by nature and he thinks she shouldn't be with someone who doesn't appreciate that about her. Dan said when he first got the call his advice was going to be "So what?" But his female producer slapped him and then explained to the audience that she thought this was actually a feminist issue. She told the story of being at a party where everyone was laughing at the funny comments the men were making but the men weren't laughing at the ones the women were making. So the funniest woman of the group, seeing the phenomenon, invited all the women outside so they could laugh with one another, exclusive of the men. The men started trickling outside because, as the producer explained it, they needed the women to laugh at their jokes.
> 
> This was an ah-ha for me. I can actually be quite funny on occasion but in my marriage, only my husband was allowed to be the funny one.


OMG my GF and I laugh for hours some days we are just in a goofy mood...she is funny and she thinks my humor is funny so we have a good time. I love it and this is my first time experiencing a relationship like this. Point is I like funny, she can be quite charming like I can and sometimes I will sit back and watch her from a distance and just be enamored


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> I was in the same boat - which is weird because I'm known for my sense of humor and my ex never was. He was always interrupting me saying things like "It'd be more funny it if was xyz." Which of course, it never was. He just had to feel like he was more humorous. Eventually he completely stopped laughing at all my jokes as some weird spite move. I was also treated nearly every day to passive aggressive "jokes" about how much better men are at everything than women. Including in my career field and all of my hobbies.
> 
> It wasn't all bad times, but wow, did it get BAD. So happy to be free from all that chauvinism and negativity.


WTF why do we stay for so long...sounds like an ill match :/


----------



## firebelly1

Coffee date yesterday. Addendum to the "don't lead with politics" advice - also don't lead with conspiracy theories about vaccinations or how Al Gore built his house by the ocean so he can't really believe in climate change.


----------



## Arendt

NE: you are dating again?

WH: overly generalized statements like that reveal a kind of bias in you against women that will likely turn any relationship with a woman into a power struggle eventually. Just an observation. Not saying you are an overt chauvinist, just that these statements reveal some latent biases that will harm your relationships with women. Nobody wants to be a subject, even implicitly. On the other hand, how long did you wait to get on a dating site before your marriage was finalized? Weren't you looking around before you were even divorced?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Arendt said:


> NE: you are dating again?
> 
> WH: overly generalized statements like that reveal a kind of bias in you against women that will likely turn any relationship with a woman into a power struggle eventually. Just an observation. Not saying you are an overt chauvinist, just that these statements reveal some latent biases that will harm your relationships with women. Nobody wants to be a subject, even implicitly. On the other hand, how long did you wait to get on a dating site before your marriage was finalized? Weren't you looking around before you were even divorced?


Thank you for pointing this out to WH, I was having the same thoughts!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

WH swears he is not a misogynist or even a chauvinist.

I've decided therefore that 100% of the women he knows are either psychologically damaged (don't see things realistically, the way that WH sees them) or what we would call here in the US airheads or sex kittens. 

To be fair, he lives in a different geographical area than most of us altogether, with a vastly different way of living than we ascribe to, that has great benefits (although the government has cut things back a bit in the past year) so the way he sees things, including women, may be horribly accurate - at least for the subpopulation involved.


----------



## ne9907

Arendt said:


> NE: you are dating again?


Ive gone out on three dates with a man who is in the Navy. he is good looking, but I am am pretty sure it is over. I want to wait to have sex becausee I really like him and I want to get to know him better.

Ever since I said that, (last thursday), his behavior is abit quiet and subdued. We went out yesterday, I had a great time. If it works great!! if it doesnt, I am good. He is a rather quiet man.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Ive gone out on three dates with a man who is in the Navy. he is good looking, but I am am pretty sure it is over. I want to wait to have sex becausee I really like him and I want to get to know him better.
> 
> Ever since I said that, (last thursday), his behavior is abit quiet and subdued. We went out yesterday, I had a great time. If it works great!! if it doesnt, I am good. He is a rather quiet man.


That works well if you also can find a way to let him know you're attracted to him, and really like sex. You can even talk about sex, what you like, what he likes, frequency, etc. Then, if he's really motivated and into you, he'll stick around for that part. If he's not, then he'll look for greener pastures. 

Don't advertise yourself as a prude, lol. 

The upside of this is you get a guy with good self-control and emotional maturity. And one who can actually talk about 'stuff'.


----------



## ne9907

This is funny!!!

Woman Arrested After Becoming Trapped in Chimney at Thousand Oaks Home | KTLA


----------



## RandomDude

?! How the hell did she manage to get stuck? And WTF was the motive?!

Sheez...


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> You are just running into the wrong type WH, I have had the same problem. Probably 75% of women you date or talk to are active daters so they always have a long list of guys available. I am not saying they are easy or ****ty just the type that need the security of a backup or a long list of backups.....which I personally think negatively effects any relationship they might be in or get in to so they will never have a real relationship anyway and just bounce from guy to guy to guy.
> None the less there are a ton of women you totally miss because they are doing something OTHER then looking for a new guy like raising kids or building a career or doing yoga or training to climb mount everest...not saying they aren't interested in dating IF the right guy comes along just saying they typically don't need the security of having "options"


Yeah gotta agree AP, real turn offs to me and sends me running.
Anyone l've gone further with have been waiting it out , shows a wise women l reckon and someone that can live without it until the times right , things l really love in a person. l was T's first date in 3yrs. Plenty of offers but just not interested in bs, l loved that about her.
l've noticed people start chasing their tails if they aren't a bit smart about this stuff, goes on for years .
l'm a big believer in instinct to and needing to be available when something real does comes along .


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> This is funny!!!
> 
> Woman Arrested After Becoming Trapped in Chimney at Thousand Oaks Home | KTLA


Haha , believe it or not that almost happened to my ex.
We were renovating an old house and trying to clean out the chimney but we couldn't get at it properly so ****** me , next minute ex hops into it , literally .
She put plastic bags over her hair and in she went . l passed her the scraper pole thingo we mad and she was in there for an hour scraping it all down.
Should of seen her later , funniest site . l had a black ex :rofl:
lt was pretty snug in there though and we were a bit worried getting her out for a few minutes there.. She got her elbow jammed badly to once trying to work the scrapper .


----------



## whitehawk

Arendt said:


> NE: you are dating again?
> 
> WH: overly generalized statements like that reveal a kind of bias in you against women that will likely turn any relationship with a woman into a power struggle eventually. Just an observation. Not saying you are an overt chauvinist, just that these statements reveal some latent biases that will harm your relationships with women. Nobody wants to be a subject, even implicitly. On the other hand, how long did you wait to get on a dating site before your marriage was finalized? Weren't you looking around before you were even divorced?


Ah , your way over analyzing there it's nothing to do with bias or anything else just what l noticed pure and simple .
Never a problem with ex she use to think the same thing watching friends of ours for years . It's very common but yeah , not everyone. But l didn't say everyone !
Even look here , fair percentage bouncing about but a few on the fence to.

l was about 16mths sep before l started just quietly poking about , wasn't fussed though.
l also accidentally just literally bumped into Beach house 3mths after our sep but l wasn't looking that just happened , But it was just too soon of course and l had to leave it . l think it was around 13 -14mths later l just quietly joined a date site , wasn't serious .

Ex has been seeing someone since 6wks before we first split . l think she's still seeing him now , pretty sure casually at least .
l've been seeing T since one mth before our divorce came through. It was way obvious by then that we weren't getting back . But T and me are sorta part timish , that's all we can manage right now because of the kids sitch and a few other things. l didn't look for T , we just reconnected accidentally through the kids .

ps . l reckon getting carried away can be a date site thing to . l know l never knew if l was coming or going 1/2 the time , it was just over load.
Funny though , with all that hassle , the only 2 girls l've met and felt right about were both from RL . Yet ex and l met in a singles club so it just goes to show ,anything can happen.


----------



## movealong

I had my mind blown last night. I have been talking with a lady on line that is actually pretty close to where I live, and we've had great conversations. We were talking about different things and she mentioned that she lived in a neighboring town when she married her high school sweetheart. Well, figuring that she must have went to one of the two high schools in that town I asked where she went to high school so I could add some rivalry banter into the conversation. Imagine my shock when she says she went to the same high school as me! Turns out her and her first husband moved to the other town after college. 

She is a year older, but was two grades ahead of me. We must have crossed paths several times in high school, but never ran in the same circles of friends. Pretty darn wild. We each got out our year books and looked at the other's picture. It was really fun!

My jaw hurts from the smiling and laughing during the conversation.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> I had my mind blown last night. I have been talking with a lady on line that is actually pretty close to where I live, and we've had great conversations. We were talking about different things and she mentioned that she lived in a neighboring town when she married her high school sweetheart. Well, figuring that she must have went to one of the two high schools in that town I asked where she went to high school so I could add some rivalry banter into the conversation. Imagine my shock when she says she went to the same high school as me! Turns out her and her first husband moved to the other town after college.
> 
> She is a year older, but was two grades ahead of me. We must have crossed paths several times in high school, but never ran in the same circles of friends. Pretty darn wild. We each got out our year books and looked at the other's picture. It was really fun!
> 
> My jaw hurts from the smiling and laughing during the conversation.


I had something similar happen with a guy I dated for a short time, referred to him here as hard hat. We connected online on POF, and before our first date even, I found him accidentally on Facebook, because we had like 30 friends in common! Turns out he was a year behind me at the same school, and was a good friend of my high school boyfriend! So we did the same thing, went through the yearbook, etc! Its a freakishly small world sometimes!


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> I had my mind blown last night. I have been talking with a lady on line that is actually pretty close to where I live, and we've had great conversations. We were talking about different things and she mentioned that she lived in a neighboring town when she married her high school sweetheart. Well, figuring that she must have went to one of the two high schools in that town I asked where she went to high school so I could add some rivalry banter into the conversation. Imagine my shock when she says she went to the same high school as me! Turns out her and her first husband moved to the other town after college.
> 
> She is a year older, but was two grades ahead of me. We must have crossed paths several times in high school, but never ran in the same circles of friends. Pretty darn wild. We each got out our year books and looked at the other's picture. It was really fun!
> 
> My jaw hurts from the smiling and laughing during the conversation.


That is so cute


----------



## ne9907

It is vexing to want to talk to Navy guy but knowing that he is not as interested as I am!

I am coming to terms that NOT every person I like will necessarily like me back. 
It is frustrating! Because I really like him!

I do feel his silence speaks volumes as to his level of interest in pursuing something with me! Well, rejection sucks!


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> I do feel his silence speaks volumes as to his level of interest in pursuing something with me! Well, rejection sucks!


One thing I am really putting into practice is the premise of this saying:

I'd rather be hurt by the truth than coddled by a lie.

Yea, the truth hurts, but at least it's out there and you can move on. If a person feigns interest only to gain favor, then the hurt is far worse for your investment in the relationship.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> It is vexing to want to talk to Navy guy but knowing that he is not as interested as I am!
> 
> I am coming to terms that NOT every person I like will necessarily like me back.
> It is frustrating! Because I really like him!
> 
> I do feel his silence speaks volumes as to his level of interest in pursuing something with me! Well, rejection sucks!


Re-frame/re-define your search within the parameters of finding someone who is really into you. Then when someone does this to you, you think of it in terms of a disqualification of the prospect, vs. a rejection of yourself. He's not qualified/worthy because he is not enthusiastic about you (and is a piss poor communicator about it too.)

Question: how can you like someone who acts as though you can exist or not, and it won't make any difference in their life? :-( That's junior high stuff there. See above...better criteria for liking someone I think...


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Question: how can you like someone who acts as though you can exist or not, and it won't make any difference in their life? :-( That's junior high stuff there. See above...better criteria for liking someone I think...


He has a lot of the qualities I want in a person, surface level at least. Yeah, I am acting like a girl with a huge crush 

EDIT: Responding to Movealong,


> I'd rather be hurt by the truth than coddled by a lie.


It was only three dates, I would seem like a psycho If I were to ask why he isnt interested in me. I will just let it go.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, PhD hat has his dissertation defense on Thursday at 1 pm. And I have a virtual information session that ends at 1 pm :/

Since my boss isn't here, I might end the virtual session a few minutes early. I don't want to disrupt the defense by walking in late.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> It is vexing to want to talk to Navy guy but knowing that he is not as interested as I am!
> 
> I am coming to terms that NOT every person I like will necessarily like me back.
> It is frustrating! Because I really like him!
> 
> I do feel his silence speaks volumes as to his level of interest in pursuing something with me! Well, rejection sucks!


I sucked up the courage to give a guy my phone number this weekend - someone I'd met before at the same place and liked. He texted two days after he got my number. The texting conversation went flat (he wasn't responding promptly) and I figured it all meant he wasn't that interested. But I hate guessing.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> I sucked up the courage to give a guy my phone number this weekend - someone I'd met before at the same place and liked. He texted two days after he got my number. The texting conversation went flat (he wasn't responding promptly) and I figured it all meant he wasn't that interested. But I hate guessing.


I hate guessing as well, but I am almost convinced he doesnt like me as much as I like him. 

I also do not want to spam text him. He is still active in the dating site. So maybe the connection I felt was just all on my side  It happens. 

Question for the MEN!
Do you get annoyed by constant texting from a woman you are not sure if you like or not?


----------



## firebelly1

Here's another question - anyone get hit on on Meetup? I've had four messages now from guys who just message me on Meetup. On the one hand, it feels invasive, on the other hand, part of the reason I joined Meetup was to meet people who had similar interests. (It may have something to do with the fact that one of my meetup groups involves Tantra.)


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> Here's another question - anyone get hit on on Meetup? I've had four messages now from guys who just message me on Meetup. On the one hand, it feels invasive, on the other hand, part of the reason I joined Meetup was to meet people who had similar interests. (It may have something to do with the fact that one of my meetup groups involves Tantra.)


Most singles I know do join meet up to meet other singles. I would not find it invasive, respond if you want. 
It is just another method to meet singles!


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Here's another question - anyone get hit on on Meetup? I've had four messages now from guys who just message me on Meetup. On the one hand, it feels invasive, on the other hand, part of the reason I joined Meetup was to meet people who had similar interests. (It may have something to do with the fact that one of my meetup groups involves Tantra.)


Were they random, or guys you met at an in-person MeetUp event? Seems reasonable if you met them in person.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> Were they random, or guys you met at an in-person MeetUp event? Seems reasonable if you met them in person.


They were random. One had joined a group I belonged to but we'd never met in person.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> They were random. One had joined a group I belonged to but we'd never met in person.


That strikes me as a little weird. But if you chat with them, and you go to the same event, then you'll already sort of know someone there. The hardest things for me, when I started on MeetUp, was feeling comfortable talking/introducing myself to new people at MeetUp events.


----------



## firebelly1

I'm treating it like any other dating site - if I'm interested, I chat. Otherwise, nope. Actually had a good convo with one of the guys. Might meet up one on one this weekend.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I'm treating it like any other dating site - if I'm interested, I chat. Otherwise, nope. Actually had a good convo with one of the guys. Might meet up one on one this weekend.


It seems to me that the point of MeetUp--and the way MeetUp is used by people in DC--is that you actually meet people in person in an activity setting, so that it's more organic. But people in DC don't use it as a dating site. People in DC use it as a way to coordinate social outings and activities based on shared interests. As such, if you meet some singles that you click with, great, but that's not the point. I know a LOT of singles who are on MeetUp here, and none of them are using is as a way to meet potential dates, they're just using it to have fun and have a social life.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> It seems to me that the point of MeetUp--and the way MeetUp is used by people in DC--is that you actually meet people in person in an activity setting, so that it's more organic. But people in DC don't use it as a dating site. People in DC use it as a way to coordinate social outings and activities based on shared interests. As such, if you meet some singles that you click with, great, but that's not the point. I know a LOT of singles who are on MeetUp here, and none of them are using is as a way to meet potential dates, they're just using it to have fun and have a social life.


I think that's how it normally works too but I've heard from a few guys now that they will determine whether or not to show up at the Meetup based on whether or not there is an attractive woman on the RSVP list.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> It is vexing to want to talk to Navy guy but knowing that he is not as interested as I am!
> 
> I am coming to terms that NOT every person I like will necessarily like me back.
> It is frustrating! Because I really like him!
> 
> I do feel his silence speaks volumes as to his level of interest in pursuing something with me! Well, rejection sucks!


That's a secret fear of mine to ne , falling for someone that won't feel the same. bc it can just happen , no changing it, hate that.
Anyway sorry to say but low interest , not a good sign .
Me l still think that as much as times have changed , most guys still feel it's their place to hunt her down :rofl: . So as long as she doesn't do anything to make him think she's she's gonna just tell him where to go , if he's keen enough he'll find a way and you'll def' be hearing from him .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

firebelly1 said:


> I sucked up the courage to give a guy my phone number this weekend - someone I'd met before at the same place and liked. He texted two days after he got my number. The texting conversation went flat (he wasn't responding promptly) and I figured it all meant he wasn't that interested. But I hate guessing.


I gave a guy my phone number when I was skiing with my kids and his kids and him last winter. The kids were laughing their butts off because they put us on chair #69, tricking us into riding up together. Argh. We had a lot in common.

His kids really like me. And I see them around all the time. But, he never texted me. Oh, well. I moved on. I think we had too much in common. People who have worked in our line of work and move on, need to move on with someone not in that line of work. Otherwise, it just keeps following you. Problem is, there are a lot of those kinds of people who retire here, I'm not sure why. People come independently, it's kind of like there is a place in Nebraska that sucks in lieutenants who disappear for years and years, there is a place here that sucks in people who have left this line of work, like a vortex. They sometimes appear at book readings or book clubs. The discussions are very interesting...

Anyhow, that was the last time I gave someone my phone number. It's been nearly a year.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> It seems to me that the point of MeetUp--and the way MeetUp is used by people in DC--is that you actually meet people in person in an activity setting, so that it's more organic. But people in DC don't use it as a dating site. People in DC use it as a way to coordinate social outings and activities based on shared interests. As such, if you meet some singles that you click with, great, but that's not the point. I know a LOT of singles who are on MeetUp here, and none of them are using is as a way to meet potential dates, they're just using it to have fun and have a social life.


I concur with that. Here in NH, Meetup is mostly for singles and looking, or singles who do not want to be involved in any kind of dating/mingling (and so they post that they are a group of married/partnered persons, or a group of Moms who are in their 20's or whatever...to make it clear - definitely not a dating group...) then the rest are dating/mingling. 

However, when I go to DC, I almost always look at Meetup to see about going to the theater/movies or dance classes/events. And it's almost never about dating. People are just going out to go out. And times when I haven't been able to coordinate with Meetup, I usually just meet someone at the movies, or wherever, and it's no problem at all. DC is a social kind of place. I'm not sure if that's across the board with all races, though...I have a feeling mileage may vary. DC is a very difficult place to do anything alone, you have to work at it.


----------



## ne9907

You all should watch "Fury." Great movie!


----------



## Fenix

firebelly1 said:


> Here's another question - anyone get hit on on Meetup? I've had four messages now from guys who just message me on Meetup. On the one hand, it feels invasive, on the other hand, part of the reason I joined Meetup was to meet people who had similar interests. (It may have something to do with the fact that one of my meetup groups involves Tantra.)


yes, both randomly and from someone I have met on an outing.



FeministInPink said:


> It seems to me that the point of MeetUp--and the way MeetUp is used by people in DC--is that you actually meet people in person in an activity setting, so that it's more organic. But people in DC don't use it as a dating site. People in DC use it as a way to coordinate social outings and activities based on shared interests. As such, if you meet some singles that you click with, great, but that's not the point. I know a LOT of singles who are on MeetUp here, and none of them are using is as a way to meet potential dates, they're just using it to have fun and have a social life.


 Maybe it's a generational thing. I have had the opposite experience. Sure, there are outings and fun events but there are also a ton of singles events and those are very active. Even the more activity oriented ones seem to be swamped with singles in the 40s - 50s range looking for some fun. Regardless, it's a great way to meet friends of both sexes.


----------



## whitehawk

Saw Beach house again today . This is becoming weird bumping into her like this.
Not uncomfortable weird , just weird.
Every time l see her all l see is our 6 wks of all nighters , the fun, her home made pizzas, our long long talks, all the hours we spent in her bed all over each other looking out over the sand dunes with just a glimpse of ocean , waiting for the sun to come up. 

It's hard to believe that was just 5mins walk from my now house . l'm glad T can't see in my head , l feel so guilty .


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> yes, both randomly and from someone I have met on an outing.
> 
> Maybe it's a generational thing. I have had the opposite experience. Sure, there are outings and fun events but there are also a ton of singles events and those are very active. Even the more activity oriented ones seem to be swamped with singles in the 40s - 50s range looking for some fun. Regardless, it's a great way to meet friends of both sexes.



How many times l wished l had some of those happening anywhere near my areas back when , sounds great.
The ages are understandable to don't you think . It's really seems to be the most make or break time in married life . So many starting over then .


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> How many times l wished l had some of those happening anywhere near my areas back when , sounds great.
> The ages are understandable to don't you think . It's really seems to be the most make or break time in married life . So many starting over then .


So many! It makes this whole process seem normal.  Lots of support, lots of fun.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and BTW, thanks for the 2x4's the other day... I needed it.

I found out what's been going on, as we have still been in sporadic contact. He got arrested, apparently... which is what he means by "sh!t is all fvcked up right now," what he's been telling me when I've asked what's going on.

Yes, I know the whole story behind it. No, I'm going to share, it's way too complicated. He's not a criminal, if that's what y'all are thinking. But he does make poor choices, and I can't have that kind of mess in my life.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Maybe it's a generational thing. I have had the opposite experience. Sure, there are outings and fun events but there are also a ton of singles events and those are very active. Even the more activity oriented ones seem to be swamped with singles in the 40s - 50s range looking for some fun. Regardless, it's a great way to meet friends of both sexes.


Oh, there are LOTS of singles in my MeetUps. But none of them are looking to hook up with people through MeetUp, they are just looking to have fun.

There are some really good singles-specific MeetUps in DC, too, and they appear to be pretty active. I've haven't tried any of them out yet, but I might, at some point. There are several dedicated to speed dating. I might try that again; the first time didn't work out so well, but I think the target audience/age range was off for me.


----------



## movealong

I am truly excited about meeting HS lady tonight for coffee. We talked last night, and the conversation was so easy that I didn't realize what time it was. I finally looked at the clock at 11pm, and we chatted until 11:20. I hope there is a physical and chemical attraction in person as there is on the phone and on line, because the intellectual connection is already there.

FIP - I have to agree with you in that a person making poor enough choices to land in jail is probably more trouble than it is worth.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> I am truly excited about meeting HS lady tonight for coffee. We talked last night, and the conversation was so easy that I didn't realize what time it was. I finally looked at the clock at 11pm, and we chatted until 11:20. I hope there is a physical and chemical attraction in person as there is on the phone and on line, because the intellectual connection is already there.


Nice! Make sure you smell good 



movealong said:


> FIP - I have to agree with you in that a person making poor enough choices to land in jail is probably more trouble than it is worth.


I know, right??? I mean, it's really easy NOT to get arrested. I've never been arrested, with little to no effort on my part, really. All you have to do is make good choices. I don't have time for someone who doesn't think about his choices. Really.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Saw Beach house again today . This is becoming weird bumping into her like this.
> Not uncomfortable weird , just weird.
> Every time l see her all l see is our 6 wks of all nighters , the fun, her home made pizzas, our long long talks, all the hours we spent in her bed all over each other looking out over the sand dunes with just a glimpse of ocean , waiting for the sun to come up.
> 
> It's hard to believe that was just 5mins walk from my now house . l'm glad T can't see in my head , l feel so guilty .


This sounds so romantic! It makes my heart melt.... I am beginning to like romantic movies again. I saw "Leap Year" the other day, and i loved it!!



FeministInPink said:


> Oh, and BTW, thanks for the 2x4's the other day... I needed it.
> 
> I found out what's been going on, as we have still been in sporadic contact. He got arrested, apparently... which is what he means by "sh!t is all fvcked up right now," what he's been telling me when I've asked what's going on.
> 
> Yes, I know the whole story behind it. No, I'm going to share, it's way too complicated. He's not a criminal, if that's what y'all are thinking. But he does make poor choices, and I can't have that kind of mess in my life.


You were very lucky FiP! I also agree with you, I would not a person who makes questionable decisions. 

That is one of the reasons I like Navy man. He is a career military man, which more than likely translates to no criminal record. We texted on Monday night, he was tired because he has been working extremely hard. I mentioned to him that there will be a solar eclipse Thursday.
I did not reach out to him yesterday. Then at about 9pm, he texted me. He had just gotten off work, he is IT, was really tired but hoped to see me soon.

I do like this guy.


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> Nice! Make sure you smell good


So, I have Grey Flannel or Obsession for Men. I like the Grey Flannel, so I will probably go with that. The Old Spice from last Christmas is still in the gift box. 




FeministInPink said:


> I know, right??? I mean, it's really easy NOT to get arrested. I've never been arrested, with little to no effort on my part, really. All you have to do is make good choices. I don't have time for someone who doesn't think about his choices. Really.


Choices have consequences, and bad choices have bad consequences, lol! I think you're making a "good" choice.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> So, I have Grey Flannel or Obsession for Men. I like the Grey Flannel, so I will probably go with that. The Old Spice from last Christmas is still in the gift box.


I like a man to smell naturally. No cologne. No aftershave. Just his manly smell....

Which is so weird because my ex wore cologne all the time and I loved it!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> So, I have Grey Flannel or Obsession for Men. I like the Grey Flannel, so I will probably go with that. The Old Spice from last Christmas is still in the gift box.


If you wear Old Spice on a date, I will come find you and smack you! LOL!


----------



## firebelly1

I vote Obsession. I love it when a man wears cologne.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I like a man to smell naturally. No cologne. No aftershave. Just his manly smell....
> 
> Which is so weird because my ex wore cologne all the time and I loved it!!


I think it depends on the man, honestly. I like just a little bit of cologne, shows that he's putting in the effort. Just the smallest amount, so I can only smell it when I'm very close to him... so it's like a little secret shared between him and I.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> So, I have Grey Flannel or Obsession for Men. I like the Grey Flannel, so I will probably go with that. The Old Spice from last Christmas is still in the gift box.


I like Obsession. Don't know what Grey Flannel smells like, so I can't vote on that either way.

Old Spice is gross. Throw it out!!!



movealong said:


> Choices have consequences, and bad choices have bad consequences, lol! I think you're making a "good" choice.


Thanks, and I agree!!!


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> This sounds so romantic! It makes my heart melt.... I am beginning to like romantic movies again. I saw "Leap Year" the other day, and i loved it!!
> 
> 
> Haha yeah it was it was real nother world stuff. But my own sitch at the time only a few mths out in my separation, my mind at the time , makes it all even more twilight zone .
> l know Beach house is seeing it too when we bump into each other like that l can feel it . This is gonna get tricky if l don't get a grip


----------



## EnjoliWoman

MMmmm Curve for Men by Liz Claiborne. The green bottle.


----------



## movealong

EnjoliWoman said:


> MMmmm Curve for Men by Liz Claiborne. The green bottle.


Too late for the meeting tonight, but I will see if I can find it. Thanks for the suggestion. :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> MMmmm Curve for Men by Liz Claiborne. The green bottle.


The problem with men's cologne is that it becomes SO signature for the man, that you cant be with another man who wears the same scent! Well...maybe thats just me, LOL! Like, the original Polo was my high school boyfriend. Drakkar was my first husband. Acqua DiGio was my last husband, which sucks, because I LOVED that one!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

3Xnocharm said:


> The problem with men's cologne is that it becomes SO signature for the man, that you cant be with another man who wears the same scent! Well...maybe thats just me, LOL! Like, the original Polo was my high school boyfriend. Drakkar was my first husband. Acqua DiGio was my last husband, which sucks, because I LOVED that one!


Ha, you are right! I don't know if someone else I was attracted to wore it if I'd think about the old boyfriend who wore it or if that would just 'transfer' to the new guy. Hm. Interesting thought.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ha, you are right! I don't know if someone else I was attracted to wore it if I'd think about the old boyfriend who wore it or if that would just 'transfer' to the new guy. Hm. Interesting thought.


A big part of my desire is olfactory-driven, lol, so a man's cologne becomes part of what turns me on about him! That is one good thing when you are with someone who doesnt wear it, and their personal scent is enough to get you going!


----------



## 06Daddio08

I cannot stand cologne or strong perfumes. I've taken to wearing the same brand of body wash, deodorant and body spray. It's mild, not overpowering and my entire body smells like it. Rather than certain spots.

As long as she keeps saying she likes the way I smell, I'll keep doing what I'm doing!

But... don't get me started on what she smells like, drives me bonkers.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> A big part of my desire is olfactory-driven, lol, so a man's cologne becomes part of what turns me on about him! That is one good thing when you are with someone who doesnt wear it, and their personal scent is enough to get you going!


Couldnt agree more. I have stopped wearing perfume. I actually smell pretty good


----------



## whitehawk

Always wondered about cologne and stuff.
l often feel a bit obvious if l use it. bc the first thing you notice about some guys when they're out trying to score , is 1/2 a bottle of cheap cologne .
And it's hard to tell if you've used too much sometimes. 
l like to go for just a touch if l can. 
l love it mild on a girl too , not filling the room. love a little dab down below to , turns me on haha.
Think my fav on girls are body sprays.


----------



## whitehawk

Love it when a girl just always has all the feminine smells bc she just looks after herself with all the girlie stuff like creams and stuff.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> I cannot stand cologne or strong perfumes. I've taken to wearing the same brand of body wash, deodorant and body spray. It's mild, not overpowering and my entire body smells like it. Rather than certain spots.


There is a no perfume/cologne policy at work and I love it. And hr does talk to people who pile it on if someone complains.


----------



## whitehawk

You know , talking arrested . Makes me feel we should modify this thing about a guy showing interest .
Because there can be situations, timing or just some circumstance going on at the time to which has to cause major hold back.

That happened when l met Beach house and l had to leave it bc l was too soon sep. l'd often float of to distant or put of going over . My sitch was too fkd up at the time.

And now with T , l often say no to going over for tea and dv's or say on the wk end or something, or if she's out somewhere and calls to invite me to meet her. l know she worries l'm only 1/2 into it and l know it must seem that way.
Again though it's just my sitch , my d hearing about it through little T at school or just hurt bc l'm with them instead of her . And then there's all T's other stuff going on.
But none of it is anything to do with T herself , it actually kills me to say no sometimes or not be with her sometimes.
We talk about it but she thinks l'm often worrying about nothing but l don't think l am . l think everything with the kids needs a lot more time , especially my d,

So there ya go , there could also be something going on with him personally, like trouble with the law, :rofl: .

ps , the odd arrest might not always be what it seems. The boys have come to get me a few times just through some petty bs that went wrong but l'm no crim . Do take a few risks here and there though , cut things a little close :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> There is a no perfume/cologne policy at work and I love it. And hr does talk to people who pile it on if someone complains.


When l was younger l was allergic to perfumes. They through me into sneezing and coughing fits . Only major overload will do it now though .


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> So, PhD hat has his dissertation defense on Thursday at 1 pm. And I have a virtual information session that ends at 1 pm :/
> 
> Since my boss isn't here, I might end the virtual session a few minutes early. I don't want to disrupt the defense by walking in late.


Is this the guy you talked about a month or two back?


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, I've got a date for minigolf on Friday. She's recently divorced, herself, so yeah, I'm mostly looking for a new face, a friendly conversation, and something out of the house. I swear my flirter is busted. 

Had a solid audition last night, too, so it may be time to meet new folks. The show is "I love you, you're perfect, now change" which is two guys and two girls - and oddly appropriate as I head back into single life!


----------



## TooNice

Just got back from a conference last night. Met a sweet southern boy while I was there and had a lovely time hanging out with him. 

Did NOT expect that to happen, but OkC popped him up, and we started talking. Turned out he was driving a group at the same conference I was at. 

If nothing else, I am learning how badly I allowed my ex to beat up my self esteem for all these years. I hadn't realized that a person could forget how nice it is to have someone make you feel attractive. I think I will slowly (and carefully) enjoy the process of relearning that.

For the record, I am talking about little things, like opening a door or offering his coat... Just sweet things that made me feel like a lady. I'd gotten so used to feeling invisible and irrelevant. Sad.


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> So, I have Grey Flannel or Obsession for Men. I like the Grey Flannel, so I will probably go with that. The Old Spice from last Christmas is still in the gift box.


I'm going to go against the grain and say I love the smell of Old Spice. My favorite cologne is definitely Chanel Platinum for Men. Hate Drakkar only because I swear all the boys at my high school bathed in it. Sensory overload!

For me, I prefer clean floral scents with gardenia and/or honeysuckle. The original Marc Jacobs perfume is a good example. 

The one scent I really dislike is patchouli. For some reason my nose links it to the smell of BO.


----------



## bravenewworld

TooNice said:


> If nothing else, I am learning how badly I allowed my ex to beat up my self esteem for all these years. I hadn't realized that a person could forget how nice it is to have someone make you feel attractive. I think I will slowly (and carefully) enjoy the process of relearning that.
> 
> For the record, I am talking about little things, like opening a door or offering his coat... Just sweet things that made me feel like a lady. I'd gotten so used to feeling invisible and irrelevant. Sad.


Totally know what you mean TooNice. Tonight I met up with a friend at the bar and had a few guys come up to me with compliments on my looks and personal style ("I love a pretty girl in cute glasses.") It still feels a little weird because my ex had me convinced I was not very attractive and lucky he was interested. 

I feel like sometimes we all forget how attractive we are - to someone at least!

And also, that no matter how attractive someone is to us - "someone out there is probably sick of them."


----------



## whitehawk

Deleted this one , l just need more to go on first before anyone could even comment .


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Totally know what you mean TooNice. Tonight I met up with a friend at the bar and had a few guys come up to me with compliments on my looks and personal style ("I love a pretty girl in cute glasses.") It still feels a little weird because my ex had me convinced I was not very attractive and lucky he was interested.
> 
> I feel like sometimes we all forget how attractive we are - to someone at least!
> 
> And also, that no matter how attractive someone is to us - "someone out there is probably sick of them."


Glasses hu , never envisioned Brave with glasses . Anyway , you bet , a girl in glasses can look sooo ,well you know


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> The problem with men's cologne is that it becomes SO signature for the man, that you cant be with another man who wears the same scent!
> 
> Acqua DiGio was my last husband


Oh I love that one, too.

Nothing better than a yummy-smelling man.


----------



## movealong

bravenewworld said:


> Totally know what you mean TooNice. Tonight I met up with a friend at the bar and had a few guys come up to me with compliments on my looks and personal style ("I love a pretty girl in cute glasses.") It still feels a little weird because my ex had me convinced I was not very attractive and lucky he was interested.
> 
> I feel like sometimes we all forget how attractive we are - to someone at least!
> 
> And also, that no matter how attractive someone is to us - "someone out there is probably sick of them."


My 24 y/o son said something to me yesterday that was wise beyond his years. It was so good, I wrote it down. I had been talking to him about how pretty HS was in in high school, but how neither of us were in high school anymore. He just got this really serious look on his face, and said;

_*There is something about imperfection that makes a person "perfect".*_


----------



## firebelly1

So how do I get over this: I find myself overlooking men that seem like "nice" guys online because I imagine they are vanilla in bed.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Never assume. Let me tell you some of the geekiest guys are pretty kinky. Sometimes that normal exterior is hiding a freak underneath. I think it's pretty hit or miss.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> So how do I get over this: I find myself overlooking men that seem like "nice" guys online because I imagine they are vanilla in bed.


Hmm...are you basing this on photos/profiles, or guys you are actually chatting with?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Oh, and I like Old Spice just fine but it reminds me of my Granddad. He wore it. 

The rule of thumb on fragrance is you have to be within 2 ft (standard "personal space") of the person to smell it. I hate it when someone has "layered" fragrance - used the lotion and perfume of the same kind. Often an up-sell in department stores as a way to make your fragrance last longer. I often wonder - does the fragrance really dissipate or does the wearer's nose just get used to it and no longer smells it so they put it on extra heavy to make it "last" when in reality it lasts just fine.

Mom is asthmatic and a nurse and she would HATE when someone came in with too much perfume - it would send her to her inhaler. Noone in our home ever wore anything for that reason. I don't wear anything when I go home to visit. Even her laundry is fragrance free for that reason so I'm probably more aware for that reason.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Is this the guy you talked about a month or two back?


Yeah, it is. I'm not going to make the dissertation defense at all now. A couple last-minute meetings popped up on my calendar that are going to make it impossible. He said we should get together soon and catch up.


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> You know , talking arrested . Makes me feel we should modify this thing about a guy showing interest .
> *Because there can be situations, timing or just some circumstance going on at the time to which has to cause major hold back.*
> 
> That happened when l met Beach house and l had to leave it bc l was too soon sep. l'd often float of to distant or put of going over . My sitch was too fkd up at the time.
> 
> And now with T , l often say no to going over for tea and dv's or say on the wk end or something, or if she's out somewhere and calls to invite me to meet her. l know she worries l'm only 1/2 into it and l know it must seem that way.
> Again though it's just my sitch , my d hearing about it through little T at school or just hurt bc l'm with them instead of her . And then there's all T's other stuff going on.
> But none of it is anything to do with T herself , it actually kills me to say no sometimes or not be with her sometimes.
> We talk about it but she thinks l'm often worrying about nothing but l don't think l am . l think everything with the kids needs a lot more time , especially my d,
> 
> So there ya go , there could also be something going on with him personally, like trouble with the law, :rofl: .
> 
> ps , the odd arrest might not always be what it seems. The boys have come to get me a few times just through some petty bs that went wrong but l'm no crim . Do take a few risks here and there though , cut things a little close :rofl:


This may be what happened with Fireman. Sh!t blew up and there are more important things that he needs to deal with. Maybe, maybe not. 

My understanding of the arrest is this: There is a Jeep, which Fireman paid for, but which was registered in his ex's name (don't ask me why). When they split, they had a verbal agreement that he would take the Jeep. After he moved out, to the other side of the state, she reported it stolen, and so now he's been arrested. A "he said, she said" situation.

Of course, that's just what he told me.

This, combined with all other factors, is just a little too much insanity for me. He's a really sweet guy with a really big heart, but his life is a mess. And I can't have that kind of mess affecting MY life.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> The one scent I really dislike is patchouli. For some reason my nose links it to the smell of BO.


Ugh, patchouli!!! I can't stand it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I kind of like it. It smells like a dusty attic full of memories combined with unburned incense.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> This may be what happened with Fireman. Sh!t blew up and there are more important things that he needs to deal with. Maybe, maybe not.
> 
> My understanding of the arrest is this: There is a Jeep, which Fireman paid for, but which was registered in his ex's name (don't ask me why). When they split, they had a verbal agreement that he would take the Jeep. After he moved out, to the other side of the state, she reported it stolen, and so now he's been arrested. A "he said, she said" situation.
> 
> Of course, that's just what he told me.
> 
> This, combined with all other factors, is just a little too much insanity for me. He's a really sweet guy with a really big heart, but his life is a mess. And I can't have that kind of mess affecting MY life.


Seems plausible. Especially if they only had two vehicles and she has the other one. Not too smart to not get it in writing and transfer the title. 

Same thing with me but it was in the settlement that once I paid the car off he had 60 days to relinquish his interest.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Ugh, patchouli!!! I can't stand it.


I like it in small, subtle doses! Which with patchouli doesnt usually happen, lol!


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Seems plausible. Especially if they only had two vehicles and she has the other one. *Not too smart to not get it in writing and transfer the title.*
> 
> Same thing with me but it was in the settlement that once I paid the car off he had 60 days to relinquish his interest.


Like I said before, bad choices... and he trusted her when he shouldn't have. And they weren't married, so there's no settlement agreement or anything like that.

And yes, it is plausible, considering how he arranged to replace the Jeep when it died. Rather than buy himself a new car, he started driving his mom's car, and bought her a new (used) car, because he would rather that she have a newer car. It's his money and he's making the payments, but I think his mom's name is on both titles, and both are registered in her name.


----------



## Jumpnrun

firebelly1 said:


> So how do I get over this: I find myself overlooking men that seem like "nice" guys online because I imagine they are vanilla in bed.


:lol:

Fire  All i have to say is date a few of us "vanilla" guys...


----------



## movealong

firebelly1 said:


> So how do I get over this: I find myself overlooking men that seem like "nice" guys online because I imagine they are vanilla in bed.


Ummm...think about this: nice guys are like vanilla ice cream. Tastes good, but goes better with a little chocolate syrup, whipped cream, nuts and a cherry on top. A little vanilla gets souped up with the right additions, and honestly, most of those nice guys that have to be in their "work" mode all day and have to be vanilla love to have a good outlet for all the pent up energy they have.


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> My 24 y/o son said something to me yesterday that was wise beyond his years. It was so good, I wrote it down. I had been talking to him about how pretty HS was in in high school, but how neither of us were in high school anymore. He just got this really serious look on his face, and said;
> 
> _*There is something about imperfection that makes a person "perfect".*_


the force is with your son!


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> So how do I get over this: I find myself overlooking men that seem like "nice" guys online because I imagine they are vanilla in bed.


I love "nice guys" seriously had awesome time in bed with them. They aim to please....


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> So how do I get over this: I find myself overlooking men that seem like "nice" guys online because I imagine they are vanilla in bed.


I don't know about guys, but the gal I had a thing with "just lovers, not a relationship" (her words) has the meek, nice girl, school teacher thing going, and was amazing in bed. _Dirty_.

I ended it a couple weeks back because she was getting too serious. I told her it was turning into more than what we both signed up for, and was starting to feel like a relationship, which I'm not ready for. She said she understood, and was "probably pushing me to come to a conclusion". She then stated she regretted pushing me too far and wanted things to go back to what they were. I haven't contacted her since.

I'd love the booty call, and even though she says she wants to be "just lovers" again, I'm afraid it'll end up being weird/too much again. But the sex was SO GOOD.

I'm fighting the temptation to call her up. Not sure what to do.


----------



## unsure78

sorry, best ever was still an alpha bad boy....

nice guys like to please, and that's fun, but sometimes a girl just wants to be dominated and taken... at least in my experience nice guys have a harder time preforming that role


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I don't know about guys, but the gal I had a thing with "just lovers, not a relationship" (her words) has the meek, *nice girl, school teacher thing going, and was amazing in bed. Dirty*.


Yeah, we're a lot of fun  I'm not meek by any sense of the word, but I work in education, which can be very conservative, and I am the quintessential "good" girl in many sense of the word. But get me in the bedroom (or other places!) and turn me on... there are a lot of guys out there who don't know what they're missing when they pass up the "nice" girls!



Healer said:


> I ended it a couple weeks back because she was getting too serious. I told her it was turning into more than what we both signed up for, and was starting to feel like a relationship, which I'm not ready for. She said she understood, and was "probably pushing me to come to a conclusion". She then stated she regretted pushing me too far and wanted things to go back to what they were. I haven't contacted her since.
> 
> I'd love the booty call, and even though she says she wants to be "just lovers" again, I'm afraid it'll end up being weird/too much again. But the sex was SO GOOD.
> 
> I'm fighting the temptation to call her up. Not sure what to do.


If she wants a relationship and you don't, that's not going to change. She says she wants things to go back to what they were... she may be OK with that for a while, but my guess is that probably won't last long, and you'll end up in the same place again.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, we're a lot of fun  I'm not meek by any sense of the word, but I work in education, which can be very conservative, and I am the quintessential "good" girl in many sense of the word. But get me in the bedroom (or other places!) and turn me on... there are a lot of guys out there who don't know what they're missing when they pass up the "nice" girls!


Agreed. Hellcats in disguise! LOVE that.



FeministInPink said:


> If she wants a relationship and you don't, that's not going to change. She says she wants things to go back to what they were... she may be OK with that for a while, but my guess is that probably won't last long, and you'll end up in the same place again.


This is what I'm thinking too. Bummer. But I don't want to have to go through that whole thing of ending (again) it and potentially causing more hurt. I really miss the good times though.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Agreed. Hellcats in disguise! LOVE that.
> 
> 
> This is what I'm thinking too. Bummer. But I don't want to have to go through that whole thing of ending (again) it and potentially causing more hurt. I really miss the good times though.


Of course you are going to miss the good times. Sex is wonderful, is amazing, sex is great as long as you are not hurting people by your actions.
She obviously wants more, she might deny it a hundred times, but her actions should speak louder than her words.

I say stay away from her until you have realize what you want in a relationship/hook up. Be firm and polite.


----------



## firebelly1

3Xnocharm said:


> Hmm...are you basing this on photos/profiles, or guys you are actually chatting with?


Sometimes it's profiles but mostly it's guys who may have initiated chatting and they just don't go anywhere. He's like "How are you?" "Hope you had a good day." Which is nice, but not compelling.

It is the guy's approach. I think there are guys so afraid of appearing like they are a creeper that they have NO sex appeal whatsoever when they chat. I really appreciate a guy who knows how to be flirty.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> I don't know about guys, but the gal I had a thing with "just lovers, not a relationship" (her words) has the meek, nice girl, school teacher thing going, and was amazing in bed. _Dirty_.
> 
> I ended it a couple weeks back because she was getting too serious. I told her it was turning into more than what we both signed up for, and was starting to feel like a relationship, which I'm not ready for. She said she understood, and was "probably pushing me to come to a conclusion". She then stated she regretted pushing me too far and wanted things to go back to what they were. I haven't contacted her since.
> 
> I'd love the booty call, and even though she says she wants to be "just lovers" again, I'm afraid it'll end up being weird/too much again. But the sex was SO GOOD.
> 
> I'm fighting the temptation to call her up. Not sure what to do.


You did the right thing. Don't call her up and string her along.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, we're a lot of fun  I'm not meek by any sense of the word, but I work in education, which can be very conservative, and I am the quintessential "good" girl in many sense of the word. But get me in the bedroom (or other places!) and turn me on... there are a lot of guys out there who don't know what they're missing when they pass up the "nice" girls!


I work in government and for whatever reason come off as kind of prim and proper but not in bed thank you.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I work in government and for whatever reason come off as kind of prim and proper but not in bed thank you.


No way - you gov't gals have _quite_ the rep.


----------



## Twistedheart

firebelly1 said:


> prim and proper.


I work in Govt also and I love seeing these women come into our office. So professional and I think that attitude is very hot. Prim and proper at work and fire and brimstone in the bedroom. I always grin a little because I know what they're about! (atleast I like to think i do!)

I am dating a nurse and she comes off intimidating with her professional attitude. But underneath she is not so much that at all. Straight fire in the bedroom. We are very compatible. I love it.


----------



## ne9907

I had a nice date with navy guy last night. We meet in the middle as we live far away. It went well, heavy make out session.
However, I got the impression that he was evaluating me.

Examples:
1. We shared militaty ID cards (mine still reads married's last name) 
2. Even though he has a vehicle, he asked me to drive from our meeting point to the restaurant. He was observant of my car (????) 
I drive a clean car (it smells like cigarrettes sometimes, but not yesterday). He also commented on how clean and new my car looked (it is a 12 model).
3. I have my dog tags hanging from my rearview mirror, he actually grabbed them and began to look at them as if he was examining them. He has dog tags himself!
4. He also asked about some of the things I wish to do with my life etc.

I felt I was under a microscope haha! It was a first for me. Never had I felt like that in a date. 

Do you men do this? and why?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I had a nice date with navy guy last night. We meet in the middle as we live far away. It went well, heavy make out session.
> However, I got the impression that he was evaluating me.
> 
> Examples:
> 1. We shared militaty ID cards (mine still reads married's last name)
> 2. Even though he has a vehicle, he asked me to drive from our meeting point to the restaurant. He was observant of my car (????)
> I drive a clean car (it smells like cigarrettes sometimes, but not yesterday). He also commented on how clean and new my car looked (it is a 12 model).
> 3. I have my dog tags hanging from my rearview mirror, he actually grabbed them and began to look at them as if he was examining them. He has dog tags himself!
> 4. He also asked about some of the things I wish to do with my life etc.
> 
> I felt I was under a microscope haha! It was a first for me. Never had I felt like that in a date.
> 
> Do you men do this? and why?


I think you read too much into this, Ne...sounds like he was just trying to get a feel for ya.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> If she wants a relationship and you don't, that's not going to change. She says she wants things to go back to what they were... she may be OK with that for a while, but my guess is that probably won't last long, and you'll end up in the same place again.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is what I'm thinking too. Bummer. But I don't want to have to go through that whole thing of ending (again) it and potentially causing more hurt. I really miss the good times though.
Click to expand...

Bingo! No use in repeating the past, better luck finding what you want in the future.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Sometimes it's profiles but mostly it's guys who may have initiated chatting and they just don't go anywhere. He's like "How are you?" "Hope you had a good day." Which is nice, but not compelling.
> 
> It is the guy's approach. I think there are guys so afraid of appearing like they are a creeper that they have NO sex appeal whatsoever when they chat. I really appreciate a guy who knows how to be flirty.


When that happens, I think, if you're this boring online, how boring are you going to be in person???


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> When that happens, I think, if you're this boring online, how boring are you going to be in person???


Exactly! But then I think, maybe I'm just not giving these nice guys a chance. I've picked bad boys in the past. I need to change it up right?


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Exactly! But then I think, maybe I'm just not giving these nice guys a chance. I've picked bad boys in the past. I need to change it up right?


Boring =/= nice
Interesting =/= bad

A boring guy can be a jerk, too. If he's not going to bother making an effort when you're chatting, he's probably not going to make much of an effort in person, either. Someone who doesn't make an effort doesn't seem like much of a catch to me...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Boring =/= nice
> Interesting =/= bad
> 
> A boring guy can be a jerk, too. If he's not going to bother making an effort when you're chatting, he's probably not going to make much of an effort in person, either. Someone who doesn't make an effort doesn't seem like much of a catch to me...


:iagree:


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> I had a nice date with navy guy last night. We meet in the middle as we live far away. It went well, heavy make out session.
> However, I got the impression that he was evaluating me.
> 
> Examples:
> 1. We shared militaty ID cards (mine still reads married's last name)
> 2. Even though he has a vehicle, he asked me to drive from our meeting point to the restaurant. He was observant of my car (????)
> I drive a clean car (it smells like cigarrettes sometimes, but not yesterday). He also commented on how clean and new my car looked (it is a 12 model).
> 3. I have my dog tags hanging from my rearview mirror, he actually grabbed them and began to look at them as if he was examining them. He has dog tags himself!
> 4. He also asked about some of the things I wish to do with my life etc.
> 
> I felt I was under a microscope haha! It was a first for me. Never had I felt like that in a date.
> 
> Do you men do this? and why?


I don't measure a woman up to that extent. And if I did I wouldn't be so obvious about it. Maybe it's a military thing? Meaning that's just part of the personality type (always inspecting, making sure things are up to par, prim and proper, etc)?


----------



## firebelly1

I'm wondering if Navy guy was recently divorced or broke up with someone. Might be behavior of someone who is gun shy.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I'm wondering if Navy guy was recently divorced or broke up with someone. Might be behavior of someone who is gun shy.


One of the first women I started seeing (and still see occasionally) after I split with my ex was pretty messy. I went to her house after our first date and she was SO mortified and worried what I'd think about her messy pad. I really didn't care at all. Maybe because the ex was so anal about being clean (I mean our house, not her life  ).


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> I'm wondering if Navy guy was recently divorced or broke up with someone. Might be behavior of someone who is gun shy.


He is, too close for comfort actually since I do like him a lot.

I havent researched him because I do not know where he got his divorce. According to him, they separated in January and divorced in May of this year. 
I told him that divorcing takes six months in our state and he replied that they did not get divorced here (our state). 

He also seemed hurt, oh and he also has pictures of his ex still on his phone..... haha. I know HUGE red flag. Perhaps it is for the best that he isn't too into me.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> He is, too close for comfort actually since I do like him a lot.
> 
> I havent researched him because I do not know where he got his divorce. According to him, they separated in January and divorced in May of this year.
> I told him that divorcing takes six months in our state and he replied that they did not get divorced here (our state).
> 
> He also seemed hurt, oh and he also has pictures of his ex still on his phone..... haha. I know HUGE red flag. Perhaps it is for the best that he isn't too into me.


Yup - red flag. I torched any and all pix or visual representations of my ex almost immediately after we split. Imo you should find a dude who's as into you as you are into him. But then, there lies the conundrum, I suppose.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> One of the first women I started seeing (and still see occasionally) after I split with my ex was pretty messy. I went to her house after our first date and she was SO mortified and worried what I'd think about her messy pad. I really didn't care at all. Maybe because the ex was so anal about being clean (I mean our house, not her life  ).


^^^ THIS IS ME. I'm a total slob, and it's something I'm really ashamed of. I did a pretty good job of keeping it in check while I was married, out of consideration for my XH, but I was FAR from perfect. It was made difficult by the fact that my XH didn't clean up after himself, even though he claimed that he was "a little bit OCD." He would give me grief about the state of affairs of our apartment all the time, and when we went to MC, he told the therapist that was the reason our marriage was falling apart, because I didn't keep the house clean enough.

So, yes, I have some issues about this. After he moved out--and after I packed and moved his sh!t out--I got really lackadaisical about the housework, because I was like, I've had this douchecanoe breathing down my neck about housework for 10 years, so I'm not going to do a fvcking thing. And the apartment went downhill fast! But I've reached a point where I've said, enough is enough, and I deserve better than what I'm giving myself here, and I've started to work at getting things in order, clearing out clutter, etc etc.

So, before Fireman came to my place for the first time, I cleaned like a banshee for the two days before, and the place was still a mess. Not nearly as bad, but still a mess. (I cleaned all the important places.) And I behaved like the woman you were seeing. I was a little embarrassed, and apologized for the mess... he teased me a little bit, but also assured me that it was fine and that it didn't bother him.

So, that's one other good thing that came out of my time with Fireman. I was able to maintain that level of clean for nearly two months while we were seeing each other, and if you know me, that's kind of a Herculean task. But it's getting easier, and I'm starting to move on to other parts of the project, rather than starting over and cleaning the same sections of the apartment over and over again, because I didn't keep them clean in the first place.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> He is, too close for comfort actually since I do like him a lot.
> 
> I havent researched him because I do not know where he got his divorce. According to him, they separated in January and divorced in May of this year.
> I told him that divorcing takes six months in our state and he replied that they did not get divorced here (our state).
> 
> He also seemed hurt, oh and he also has pictures of his ex still on his phone..... haha. I know HUGE red flag. Perhaps it is for the best that he isn't too into me.



He just sounds like a nosey personality , an ex cop or something or like healer said, military thing maybe. 
But anyway only January , that's too soon and the pics back it up .


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> ^^^ THIS IS ME. I'm a total slob, and it's something I'm really ashamed of. I did a pretty good job of keeping it in check while I was married, out of consideration for my XH, but I was FAR from perfect. It was made difficult by the fact that my XH didn't clean up after himself, even though he claimed that he was "a little bit OCD." He would give me grief about the state of affairs of our apartment all the time, and when we went to MC, he told the therapist that was the reason our marriage was falling apart, because I didn't keep the house clean enough.
> 
> So, yes, I have some issues about this. After he moved out--and after I packed and moved his sh!t out--I got really lackadaisical about the housework, because I was like, I've had this douchecanoe breathing down my neck about housework for 10 years, so I'm not going to do a fvcking thing. And the apartment went downhill fast! But I've reached a point where I've said, enough is enough, and I deserve better than what I'm giving myself here, and I've started to work at getting things in order, clearing out clutter, etc etc.
> 
> So, before Fireman came to my place for the first time, I cleaned like a banshee for the two days before, and the place was still a mess. Not nearly as bad, but still a mess. (I cleaned all the important places.) And I behaved like the woman you were seeing. I was a little embarrassed, and apologized for the mess... he teased me a little bit, but also assured me that it was fine and that it didn't bother him.
> 
> So, that's one other good thing that came out of my time with Fireman. I was able to maintain that level of clean for nearly two months while we were seeing each other, and if you know me, that's kind of a Herculean task. But it's getting easier, and I'm starting to move on to other parts of the project, rather than starting over and cleaning the same sections of the apartment over and over again, because I didn't keep them clean in the first place.


I am the opposite. I am a clean freak!! My house was extremely clean, ex was the slob 

My car is extremely clean (inside) the outside, I really have no control because it gets dirty too quickly!! I drive a lot.

I did apologize for my car being a mess (it really wasnt) but becasue I had a lot of my gear in the back seat, I still apologized. He said it was fine.

Yeah, Healer you are right. I thought so myself. Very weird for him to still have photos of his ex on his phone. I deleted one and all photos of ex when I left.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Yup - red flag. I torched any and all pix or visual representations of my ex almost immediately after we split. Imo you should find a dude who's as into you as you are into him. But then, there lies the conundrum, I suppose.


Yes, there lies the conundrum... the last guy I "dated" was into me a lot (blue) but he was MARRIED!!! haha... 

Disclaimer: I did not know he was married.


----------



## whitehawk

Beach house was a slob. The bottom floor to her house where you walk in , was always immaculate - but then you go up stairs, holy hell. Even l use to feel like cleaning it up a bit and that's saying somethen.

T is like a vacuum cleaner on legs , nice legs :rofl: . For the tattooed ,pierced up look she has , it always makes me laugh as she pounces on to every new speck of dirt or coffee cup .


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am the opposite. I am a clean freak!! My house was extremely clean, ex was the slob
> 
> My car is extremely clean (inside) the outside, I really have no control because it gets dirty too quickly!! I drive a lot.
> 
> I did apologize for my car being a mess (it really wasnt) but becasue I had a lot of my gear in the back seat, I still apologized. He said it was fine.
> 
> Yeah, Healer you are right. I thought so myself. Very weird for him to still have photos of his ex on his phone. I deleted one and all photos of ex when I left.


Can you come over and help me clean my house?

My car, on the other hand, is pristine. Well, except for some leaves that got in the trunk somehow. I need to vacuum those out.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Can you come over and help me clean my house?
> 
> My car, on the other hand, is pristine. Well, except for some leaves that got in the trunk somehow. I need to vacuum those out.


I would love to come clean your house actually. 
I used cleaning as therapy while I was married. If I was upset, or sad, I would clean the house. I have control issues as well :/ thus cleaning my house was a way of keeping control of things.

I miss cleaning my own home.... it was so theraupetic!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am the opposite. I am a clean freak!! My house was extremely clean, ex was the slob
> 
> My car is extremely clean (inside) the outside, I really have no control because it gets dirty too quickly!! I drive a lot.
> 
> I did apologize for my car being a mess (it really wasnt) but becasue I had a lot of my gear in the back seat, I still apologized. He said it was fine.
> 
> Yeah, Healer you are right. I thought so myself. Very weird for him to still have photos of his ex on his phone. *I deleted one and all photos of ex when I left.*


I deleted all photos of XH off of Facebook, but because I have pics stored on the cloud (or multiples cloud servers?) old pics of him are now accessible from my phone, but not ON on my phone. I wouldn't even know where to begin to start deleting them. They're buried, beneath mountains of other photos, so I never see them. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I forget they're still there, until I read a post like yours.

I would hate for someone to make assumptions about residual XH hangups because of pictures still on a cloud drive somewhere.


----------



## whitehawk

l have a few pics of ex round the house because they say you should have stuff like that around for your kids .
Nothing on my phone though they all got zapped day one.
l still have pics of my friend on my phone though , the one ex thought l was screwing , but l wasn't .
Why not , ex fkd off , l'll have pics of who ever l want :lol:


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I would love to come clean your house actually.
> I used cleaning as therapy while I was married. If I was upset, or sad, I would clean the house. I have control issues as well :/ thus cleaning my house was a way of keeping control of things.
> 
> I miss cleaning my own home.... it was so theraupetic!!!


Umm, you might change your mind when you see the inside of my house :rofl:

My problem is I have a hard time getting rid of things... didn't someone here say that I might have difficulty letting go???

But cleaning IS therapeutic! And it helps burn calories.

Now I want to go home and clean!


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> l have a few pics of ex round the house because they say you should have stuff like that around for your kids .
> Nothing on my phone though they all got zapped day one.
> l still have pics of my friend on my phone though , the one ex thought l was screwing , but l wasn't .
> *Why not , ex fkd off , l'll have pics of who ever l want *:lol:


ROFL!!!!




FeministInPink said:


> My problem is I have a hard time getting rid of things... didn't someone here say that I might have difficulty letting go???
> 
> But cleaning IS therapeutic! And it helps burn calories.
> 
> Now I want to go home and clean!


You should try to attend "Burning man" next year
(I was impressed that Navy guy went to Burning Man, because I wanted to attend)
It is an even designated to letting go.... I try to keep my personal belongings as uncluttered as possible. When I left, I also burned, destroyed, donated, a lot of mementos and possesions I had. I have a few love letters and of course emails. I was saving the love letters for burning man, along with my wedding dress, however I find that I do not care anymore. I no longer need to attend Burning Man.

One day, I will go through my boxes and throw everything in the trash. Now, memories of people those I have a hard time letting go.... physical items are easy for me to destroy. Memories are hard.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> You should try to attend "Burning man" next year
> (I was impressed that Navy guy went to Burning Man, because I wanted to attend)
> .


You wanted to go to the orgy dome right?


----------



## whitehawk

l like cleaning up outside as therapeutic . Nothing nicer than getting home , like from one of my cross state runs , or you've just got brain fk from too much of lifes crap or work .
The simplicity of the no thinking needed , the fresh air , the home sweet home and all that stuff. It really clears me up and settles me again .


----------



## Healer

Totally OT, but I just got a text from my ex wife, obviously in reply to her BF, meant for him - actually TWO texts in a row...about their plans and all sorts of sad faces because it'll "be so far away" etc. Ugh. How do you send 2 texts to the wrong person, especially to your ex husband when they're meant for your bf? Sometimes I think she does **** like that just to mess with me. I feel like I need to hose off now.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Totally OT, but I just got a text from my ex wife, obviously in reply to her BF, meant for him - actually TWO texts in a row...about their plans and all sorts of sad faces because it'll "be so far away" etc. Ugh. How do you send 2 texts to the wrong person, especially to your ex husband when they're meant for your bf? Sometimes I think she does **** like that just to mess with me. I feel like I need to hose off now.


I have deleted ex's number from phone. I never text him....
Now, that one guy whose name I cannot mention, I sent him several texts not meant or him.... the last way was meant for my girlfriend and it read something like "I dropped my phone in the water. I cant text now, I love you!!"


Not sure what he thought of it, I never asked


----------



## bravenewworld

Honestly, I wish I was tidier. I feel like I am a Tasmanian Devil leaving little tornadoes of mess everywhere I go. And the fact I have very furry animals doesn't help (although the cat box is always scooped and I shave my beast posse to help with the fur.) 

To those of you who are neat freaks - how much time do you spend cleaning per day? Asking because I want to change. I live in a one bedroom apartment - about 700 square ft plus a bit of outdoor space.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> I have deleted ex's number from phone. I never text him....
> Now, that one guy whose name I cannot mention, I sent him several texts not meant or him.... the last way was meant for my girlfriend and it read something like "I dropped my phone in the water. I cant text now, I love you!!"
> 
> 
> Not sure what he thought of it, I never asked


I'd delete her in a heartbeat, unfortunately that's how we communicate about the kids, so that's not an option for me. I'd LOVE it if I would never have to see, text or talk with her again.


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> Glasses hu , never envisioned Brave with glasses . Anyway , you bet , a girl in glasses can look sooo ,well you know


It's funny, I get A LOT of extra attention when I wear my glasses vs. my contacts. One guy told me "you've got that sexy librarian thing going on." Which totally made me think of that Married With Children episode where Bud gets caught "doing the bundy" in the college library. :rofl:

I actually picked my latest glasses out from the eye doctor's free bin. He kept asking if I was sure I wanted red frames.


----------



## TooNice

bravenewworld said:


> It's funny, I get A LOT of extra attention when I wear my glasses. One guy told me "you've got that sexy librarian thing going on."


Huh...I usually only wear mine at work. Perhaps I need to rethink this!


----------



## whitehawk

Healer said:


> Totally OT, but I just got a text from my ex wife, obviously in reply to her BF, meant for him - actually TWO texts in a row...about their plans and all sorts of sad faces because it'll "be so far away" etc. Ugh. How do you send 2 texts to the wrong person, especially to your ex husband when they're meant for your bf? Sometimes I think she does **** like that just to mess with me. I feel like I need to hose off now.



Wow what a classic. Once l lent ex my pc but l left my side on bc l didn't sign out properly.
lt had my whole life since our split , all there , even you guys . fkkkkkk! l only pray she didn't peak. 
l'm always [email protected] scared of doing that text thing bc my d's always texting me on ex's phone so it's often jumbled in with others l talk to . One wrong click ,


----------



## whitehawk

TooNice said:


> Huh...I usually only wear mine at work. Perhaps I need to rethink this!


Yep ,glasses use to be associated with nurdy but these days , hot as :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> Honestly, I wish I was tidier. I feel like I am a Tasmanian Devil leaving little tornadoes of mess everywhere I go. And the fact I have very furry animals doesn't help (although the cat box is always scooped and I shave my beast posse to help with the fur.)
> 
> To those of you who are neat freaks - how much time do you spend cleaning per day? Asking because I want to change. I live in a one bedroom apartment - about 700 square ft plus a bit of outdoor space.



Wish l was richer l'd have a maid. l never realized cleaning up was so much damn work. Hardly ever did inside before bc we had an ac and there was so much to do outside .
And dust , where tfk does dust even come from , drives you mad.


----------



## firebelly1

bravenewworld said:


> Honestly, I wish I was tidier. I feel like I am a Tasmanian Devil leaving little tornadoes of mess everywhere I go. And the fact I have very furry animals doesn't help (although the cat box is always scooped and I shave my beast posse to help with the fur.)
> 
> To those of you who are neat freaks - how much time do you spend cleaning per day? Asking because I want to change. I live in a one bedroom apartment - about 700 square ft plus a bit of outdoor space.


I'm not a neat freak but I don't tolerate clutter very well. And to me, decluttering is different than "cleaning." Cleaning typically involves soap and water or a vacuum. 

Sounds like you mean decluttering? In which case, the key is to have a "home" for every little thing in your home and put it there when you're not using it. A place for everything and everything in it's place. Then you aren't spending any time decluttering because the little thing just gets put back in it's home when you're done with it.


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> It's funny, I get A LOT of extra attention when I wear my glasses vs. my contacts. One guy told me "you've got that sexy librarian thing going on." Which totally made me think of that Married With Children episode where Bud gets caught "doing the bundy" in the college library. :rofl:
> 
> I actually picked my latest glasses out from the eye doctor's free bin. He kept asking if I was sure I wanted red frames.


Red frames hu , nice choice :smthumbup:


----------



## samyeagar

FeministInPink said:


> I deleted all photos of XH off of Facebook, but because I have pics stored on the cloud (or multiples cloud servers?) old pics of him are now accessible from my phone, but not ON on my phone. I wouldn't even know where to begin to start deleting them. They're buried, beneath mountains of other photos, so I never see them. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I forget they're still there, until I read a post like yours.
> 
> I would hate for someone to make assumptions about residual XH hangups because of pictures still on a cloud drive somewhere.


Old pictures...gotta love them 

My ex wife will occasionally have a box of crap for me to take when I pick my son for visitation. One of those times, she had put the thumb drive and photo album of the naked pics and movies in there. Fortunately that was one of the times my now wife was not with us for the pickup. I torched them, but found it funny how she would give those to me considering how she will tell anyone who will listen how she can't trust me about anything...how do you know Sam is lying? His lips are moving kind of thing...

My wife on the other hand...she keeps EVERYTHING, and wasn't quite so diligent at getting rid of pictures and things, and whoa boy have there been some doozies...


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I'd love the booty call, and even though she says she wants to be "just lovers" again, I'm afraid it'll end up being weird/too much again. But the sex was SO GOOD.
> 
> I'm fighting the temptation to call her up. Not sure what to do.


The emotional part of me thinks that if she had feelings for your once, it may happen again if you start sleeping together. The other part of me thinks maybe she only sees you as a hook-up now since you made it clear you don't want anything more serious and that's why she told you she would be fine with a FWB relationship. She wants to get her sex needs met, too.

I say call her and have a good time.


----------



## Another Planet

Got this page from LisaB, I thought it was pretty cool
The Good Men Project - The Conversation No One Else Is Having


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bravenewworld said:


> Honestly, I wish I was tidier. I feel like I am a Tasmanian Devil leaving little tornadoes of mess everywhere I go. And the fact I have very furry animals doesn't help (although the cat box is always scooped and I shave my beast posse to help with the fur.)
> 
> To those of you who are neat freaks - how much time do you spend cleaning per day? Asking because I want to change. I live in a one bedroom apartment - about 700 square ft plus a bit of outdoor space.


I did not read "I shave my beast posse" quite right first past.  LOL 

My dog is going through a heckuva shedding stint right now. I have tumbleweeds of doghair rolling down the hall and wafting out from under furniture. Tonight or tomorrow I definitely have to vacuum the whole house. I hit area rugs and wood and tile - all of it. I'm not someone who has a different cleaning device and product for every surface. When I do dust, I use soapy water and a sponge vs. Pledge.

I find that you have to come up with a system that works with your life. If you always dump stuff when you come in the door then come up with a place to put it isntead of telling yourself you're going to start putting your coat in the closet and your gym bag in your bedroom only to find yourself flinging it on the first available piece of furniture, work with your existing routine instead of trying to change the way you do things. As I come in I drop my briefcase and purse on the bench by the door, coat hooks are over that. (I have a coat closet but found I never used it so it holds off-season things instead - I got a board, stained it and mounted 5 brass hooks on it and screwed that into the studs.) I look through the mail and put mail I need to do something with in my briefcase in a specific section and the rest I toss into the peck basket on my kitchen counter that I put recycling in and when it gets full I take it out and dump it into the big rollout one. Magazines are tossed onto the coffee table. 

I get paperboxes from the office (you can get from print shops for free too usually) and slap an 8.5x11 label on the end and write the year on it. Everything for that year gets tossed in there. At the end of the year I stack it in my closet (I added an extra row of shelving up way high that I need a step stool to reach) with the label facing out. Filing done. I chuck a copy of my taxes in there when they are filed. Once you have 7, you can start to get rid of the oldest - just burn the whole box.

If I buy something new, I get rid of something. I have a big trash bag in my closet and literally every time I buy a new article of clothing I get rid of one and when the bag is full I'll donate it. Since you're hanging up the new item, it's simple to yank something off a hanger and shove it in the bag and use that hanger for the new thing. 

My biggest clutter issue comes from my kid. She dumps jackets/hoodies everywhere and there must be 7 pairs of shoes in the living room now. When she goes to her Dad's, I take all her stuff and literally THROW IT in her room and shut the door. Eventually she has to deal with it, usually when she wants something. Which is often. 

I hate clutter. Cleaning - eh. I vacuum. I use the attachments to dust. I squirt tilex in the shower if I see mildew and once a month get the scrub brush out for the bottom. I clean the toilet when I see mildew. I do clean under the seat if I know I'll have a male visitor. I wipe down the bathroom counter when it gets too much dust and hair. I rinse the sink daily tho. I HATE toothpaste goop and hair in the sink. I clean the kitchen every night after cooking and usually unload the dishwasher while something is cooking. I clean out the fridge as I put away groceries.

I have already proclaimed that I will not clean any more than my little 1500 square feet. It's plenty of room if a guy moves in. If he wants a bigger place, we can afford a cleaning service if we can afford more house. I refuse to clean more than that.


----------



## firebelly1

EnjoliWoman said:


> I hate clutter. Cleaning - eh. I vacuum. I use the attachments to dust. I squirt tilex in the shower if I see mildew and once a month get the scrub brush out for the bottom. I clean the toilet when I see mildew. I do clean under the seat if I know I'll have a male visitor. I wipe down the bathroom counter when it gets too much dust and hair. I rinse the sink daily tho. I HATE toothpaste goop and hair in the sink. I clean the kitchen every night after cooking and usually unload the dishwasher while something is cooking. I clean out the fridge as I put away groceries.


This is about the same amount of "cleaning" that I do. I keep the kitchen floor swept and spot clean. I mop maybe once a month. I have two teenagers at home and they are in charge of their own laundry, keeping their rooms clean, taking out the garbage and recycling, and they take turns doing the dishes.


----------



## movealong

Today is my birthday. I received a text from XW this morning wishing me a happy birthday.

"Hey, just wanted to say Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one."

My simple reply, "Thank you, I appreciate it."

She texted back "Your welcome". She's always had trouble with your and you're. 

Nothing major, just caught me off guard that she sent the birthday wishes.


----------



## Another Planet

Happy bday Movealong


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Totally OT, but I just got a text from my ex wife, obviously in reply to her BF, meant for him - actually TWO texts in a row...about their plans and all sorts of sad faces because it'll "be so far away" etc. Ugh. How do you send 2 texts to the wrong person, especially to your ex husband when they're meant for your bf? Sometimes I think she does **** like that just to mess with me. I feel like I need to hose off now.


When I was married my exWife sent a text to me that was meant for the dude she was screwing. Something about she was outside in the parking lot waiting. It was at like 6 in the morning, I was home with the kids. She told me the alarm at work went off and she had to go in to check it out ...lol strange how I can think it is so funny now.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> The emotional part of me thinks that if she had feelings for your once, it may happen again if you start sleeping together. The other part of me thinks maybe she only sees you as a hook-up now since you made it clear you don't want anything more serious and that's why she told you she would be fine with a FWB relationship. She wants to get her sex needs met, too.
> 
> I say call her and have a good time.


I like your way of thinking.


----------



## Healer

Another Planet said:


> When I was married my exWife sent a text to me that was meant for the dude she was screwing. Something about she was outside in the parking lot waiting. It was at like 6 in the morning, I was home with the kids. She told me the alarm at work went off and she had to go in to check it out ...lol strange how I can think it is so funny now.


Oh damn, son. That's harsh. That was your dday I take it?

Right around my dday, I was going through my iphone contacts, which were synced to my ex wife's. I found one called "KD". The picture in the contact was my wife sucking face with some *******, who turned out to be the POSOM. On my own phone. Wow. When I called her on it she tried to give me **** for snooping. Lol. I sure miss her!


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I had a nice date with navy guy last night. We meet in the middle as we live far away. It went well, heavy make out session.
> 
> However, I got the impression that he was evaluating me.
> 
> 
> 
> Examples:
> 
> 1. We shared militaty ID cards (mine still reads married's last name)
> 
> 2. Even though he has a vehicle, he asked me to drive from our meeting point to the restaurant. He was observant of my car (????)
> 
> I drive a clean car (it smells like cigarrettes sometimes, but not yesterday). He also commented on how clean and new my car looked (it is a 12 model).
> 
> 3. I have my dog tags hanging from my rearview mirror, he actually grabbed them and began to look at them as if he was examining them. He has dog tags himself!
> 
> 4. He also asked about some of the things I wish to do with my life etc.
> 
> 
> 
> I felt I was under a microscope haha! It was a first for me. Never had I felt like that in a date.
> 
> 
> 
> Do you men do this? and why?



I think those are good things. He's interested in getting to know who you are and what you're all about. He's evaluating you and how he feels about the things in your life to see if he thinks your lives/personalities will be compatible. At least, that's how I see it. Someone who doesn't put a lot of thought into the choice of a partner, who is impulsive and reckless, is less likely to have long-term potential. Cautious and deliberate = more responsible in decision-making, I think.

Don't you analyze and evaluate the actions and details of a man's life when you are getting to know him? That's what he seems to be doing.


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> The emotional part of me thinks that if she had feelings for your once, it may happen again if you start sleeping together. The other part of me thinks maybe she only sees you as a hook-up now since you made it clear you don't want anything more serious and that's why she told you she would be fine with a FWB relationship. She wants to get her sex needs met, too.
> 
> 
> 
> I say call her and have a good time.



I agree with this. As she initially wanted a "lovers, not relationship" type of arrangement, she is obviously capable of compartmentalizing. Now that you guys have communicated that it's only casual, she may be able to enjoy it without testing the waters again. 

I would be happy with just sex, even if sex plus dating would make me happier, and would be able to revert to just sex. Many strong women are able to do this. Consider calling her. As long as you're not leading her on, it's good.


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Oh damn, son. That's harsh. That was your dday I take it?
> 
> Right around my dday, I was going through my iphone contacts, which were synced to my ex wife's. I found one called "KD". The picture in the contact was my wife sucking face with some *******, who turned out to be the POSOM. On my own phone. Wow. When I called her on it she tried to give me **** for snooping. Lol. I sure miss her!


Hardly Dday lol...went on for awhile after that, when I asked her about it she said that was to her boss. It wasn't until months later when I found all the emails that I figured it all out. We were already in house separated when all that happened, it was when I found the emails that I kicked her ass to the curb.


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> Yep ,glasses use to be associated with nurdy but these days , hot as :smthumbup:


Maybe I need to start wearing glasses (instead of contacts) again!


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> I like your way of thinking.


You will f*ck with her head if you call her back.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I hate clutter. Cleaning - eh. I vacuum. I use the attachments to dust. I squirt tilex in the shower if I see mildew and once a month get the scrub brush out for the bottom. I clean the toilet when I see mildew. I do clean under the seat if I know I'll have a male visitor. I wipe down the bathroom counter when it gets too much dust and hair. I rinse the sink daily tho. I HATE toothpaste goop and hair in the sink. I clean the kitchen every night after cooking and usually unload the dishwasher while something is cooking. I clean out the fridge as I put away groceries.


I aspire to this level of organization/ritual. 

It takes me a while to come up with systems/homes for items that work for me, but slowly/surely I'm coming along. I have no coat closet, so the XH and I were using another closet far away from the door to store coats, etc... so coats just ended up piled on a chair by the front door. Then, a few years ago, I had a lightning bulb, and bought one of those coat racks with hooks that hangs over the door. It was way overloaded when my XH was here, because he put Every. Single. Coat. he owned on it. Now, I only keep my everyday seasonal jacket and maybe one other there, and the rest stay in the closet.

I kept misplacing my keys, because they had no home. I've always had this problem, for as long as I can remember (my mom does the same thing, I totally got it from her). Some mornings, I could spend 15 minutes looking for my keys. I've found them in fridge, in the kitchen sink, behind the couch, you name it! Then, about six months ago, I realized that my key ring fits on one of those coat rack hooks, so now whenever I get home, first thing I hang up my coat and put my keys on the hook. Eventually, I'm going to put one of those 3M Command hooks by the front door, but this work for now.

Next thing will be working on a home for my bag when I walk in the door.

See, I understand the concept of everything needing a home, but NOTHING has a home right now, and the thought of finding homes for everything is more than a little overwhelming, along with the de-cluttering and the actual cleaning. It's a huge project.

But I'll get there eventually. 

EDIT: But do manage to do a pretty good job of keeping the bathroom clean, now that my XH is no longer hear to pee on the floor. lol


----------



## samyeagar

firebelly1 said:


> You will f*ck with her head if you call her back.


Going back to an ex, even if it is just for sex, has the potential to make things a bit more complicated in future relationships...the whole an ex is an ex for a reason...except that you keep going back to them. Credibility could be lost when trying to make the argument that you are truly over them and have moved on. Not an insurmountable thing by any means, but still...


----------



## ne9907

movealong said:


> Today is my birthday. I received a text from XW this morning wishing me a happy birthday.
> 
> "Hey, just wanted to say Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one."
> 
> My simple reply, "Thank you, I appreciate it."
> 
> She texted back "Your welcome". She's always had trouble with your and you're.
> 
> Nothing major, just caught me off guard that she sent the birthday wishes.


Happy Birthday Movealong!!! May your day be bright and *you're* future prosperous!

the you're was a birthday present from me!! I know how much you love it!!! 



moxy said:


> I think those are good things. He's interested in getting to know who you are and what you're all about. He's evaluating you and how he feels about the things in your life to see if he thinks your lives/personalities will be compatible. At least, that's how I see it. Someone who doesn't put a lot of thought into the choice of a partner, who is impulsive and reckless, is less likely to have long-term potential. Cautious and deliberate = more responsible in decision-making, I think.
> 
> Don't you analyze and evaluate the actions and details of a man's life when you are getting to know him? That's what he seems to be doing.


Ugh.... now you are giving me hope! I certainly like this guy a lot! Our personalities do not match, he is a fitness fanatic, competes in Spartan races and tough mudders..... does not watch TV... rides a motorcycle....very quiet... doesnt talk much.... I am the opposite.

I still like him a lot! Like a lot!!


----------



## Healer

samyeagar said:


> Going back to an ex, even if it is just for sex, has the potential to make things a bit more complicated in future relationships...the whole an ex is an ex for a reason...except that you keep going back to them. Credibility could be lost when trying to make the argument that you are truly over them and have moved on. Not an insurmountable thing by any means, but still...


She's not an ex - she was a fwb that started to get too serious so I stopped seeing her. An ex fwb, I guess.


----------



## bandit.45

samyeagar said:


> Going back to an ex, even if it is just for sex, has the potential to make things a bit more complicated in future relationships...the whole an ex is an ex for a reason...except that you keep going back to them. Credibility could be lost when trying to make the argument that you are truly over them and have moved on. Not an insurmountable thing by any means, but still...


Unless the sex was so ass-slapping hot that you just gotta go back for more. That's my problem. I'm a pvssy addict.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> See, I understand the concept of everything needing a home, but NOTHING has a home right now, and the thought of finding homes for everything is more than a little overwhelming, along with the de-cluttering and the actual cleaning. It's a huge project.


Take it one spot at a time. Baby steps. Try something small to make yourself feel like you have a victory and work your way up. (Like the keys thing.) I recommend Julie Morgenstern's book "Organizing from the inside out." But her system can be boiled down to this:

S.P.A.C.E. 
Sort, purge, assign a home, containerize, equalize (which is establishing a simple system for maintaining it), e.g.

Collect all your bobby pins, throw away the bent and rusty ones, decide on and purchase if necessary, a container and cupboard or drawer they will be housed, put them back there when you're done using them


----------



## samyeagar

firebelly1 said:


> Take it one spot at a time. Baby steps. Try something small to make yourself feel like you have a victory and work your way up. (Like the keys thing.) I recommend Julie Morgenstern's book "Organizing from the inside out." But her system can be boiled down to this:
> 
> S.P.A.C.E.
> Sort, purge, assign a home, containerize, equalize (which is establishing a simple system for maintaining it), e.g.
> 
> Collect all your bobby pins, throw away the bent and rusty ones, decide on and purchase if necessary, a container and cupboard or drawer they will be housed, *put them back there when you're done using them*


This right here! Without that, the rest of it is useless. But, but, it'll take an extra THREE whole seconds to put it back where it belongs, and I'm just TOO lazy, I mean BUSY, busy for that, so I think I'll just put it where ever happens to be closest...and then wonder why I can't find anything, or why the place is such a cluttered mess...


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Take it one spot at a time. Baby steps. Try something small to make yourself feel like you have a victory and work your way up. (Like the keys thing.) I recommend Julie Morgenstern's book "Organizing from the inside out." But her system can be boiled down to this:
> 
> S.P.A.C.E.
> Sort, purge, assign a home, containerize, equalize (which is establishing a simple system for maintaining it), e.g.
> 
> Collect all your bobby pins, throw away the bent and rusty ones, decide on and purchase if necessary, a container and cupboard or drawer they will be housed, put them back there when you're done using them


I have that book! (E-book.) I haven't read it yet. Y'all are inspiring me to get started (reading AND organizing). I like your example with the bobby pins.

I have an idea for near the front door, for bags, frequently worn shoes, scarves, hats, etc... It's a small enough area that it's something I could manage in an evening. There's a small space, about 2 ft. deep and 4 feet wide, right behind the front door of my apt that's pretty unusuable because, well, it's right behind the door. Right now it's cluttered up with random stuff that's collecting dust.

Well, I saw this and I was kind of inspired:










(From Tips For An Organized Garage - One Good Thing by Jillee. I love this blog. SO many great ideas.)

I have a couple of these popcorn tins that I've been holding onto for some reason, and when I saw this post, I thought, those popcorn tins would be PERFECT for this! I could use one for my scarf/hat sets, and another for just hats (which are all just randomly floating around the house).

I also have a shoe organizer still in its box, unassembled, which would fit perfectly in that space. A few years ago, I bought a couple of these (they're stackable) to organize my shoes in my closet. While working on the project, I realized that I had purchased one too many, and never got around to returning it. The shoes are all still well-organized in my closet, EXCEPT for the ones that I wear on a super-regular basis, which never make it back into the closet, but I never wear them at home--I always wear slippers at home. 

Solution: install shoe organizer in the unusable space, leaving a little nook specifically for my wellies (which don't currently have a home). Popcorn tins on the top shelf of the organizer. And with all that empty wall space, I think I'll put up some 3M hooks to store the purses I use on a regular basis, and maybe some hooks above the wellies to hang my umbrellas.

I know y'all are SO EXCITED  to read my organizing plans in detail, but I'm kind of excited about this.

I think, when I finish cleaning/organizing the whole place, I should reward myself with a new couch. I HATE my couch. The XH picked it out, and it's lumpy because he ruined all the cushions. A nice new couch, and a new floor rug to go with it.


----------



## BaxJanson

Happy birthday, movealong! May the year ahead be full of brightness and laughter!

Clutter is definitely my biggest problem. I collect and build props for my shows, so I have a surfeit of suitcases, a plethora of pots and pans, and a ton of tools that just sit, waiting for their next chance to go on stage. I've got an earthenware pot that's been in almost as many shows as I have. I'd pare back, but as soon as I do, I find myself needing another stuffed squirrel whose head can be bitten off. (And really, you start to feel a little psychopathic after making a third one.)


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> I have that book! (E-book.) I haven't read it yet. Y'all are inspiring me to get started (reading AND organizing). I like your example with the bobby pins.
> 
> I have an idea for near the front door, for bags, frequently worn shoes, scarves, hats, etc... It's a small enough area that it's something I could manage in an evening. There's a small space, about 2 ft. deep and 4 feet wide, right behind the front door of my apt that's pretty unusuable because, well, it's right behind the door. Right now it's cluttered up with random stuff that's collecting dust.
> 
> Well, I saw this and I was kind of inspired:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (From Tips For An Organized Garage - One Good Thing by Jillee. I love this blog. SO many great ideas.)
> 
> I have a couple of these popcorn tins that I've been holding onto for some reason, and when I saw this post, I thought, those popcorn tins would be PERFECT for this! I could use one for my scarf/hat sets, and another for just hats (which are all just randomly floating around the house).
> 
> I also have a shoe organizer still in its box, unassembled, which would fit perfectly in that space. A few years ago, I bought a couple of these (they're stackable) to organize my shoes in my closet. While working on the project, I realized that I had purchased one too many, and never got around to returning it. The shoes are all still well-organized in my closet, EXCEPT for the ones that I wear on a super-regular basis, which never make it back into the closet, but I never wear them at home--I always wear slippers at home.
> 
> Solution: install shoe organizer in the unusable space, leaving a little nook specifically for my wellies (which don't currently have a home). Popcorn tins on the top shelf of the organizer. And with all that empty wall space, I think I'll put up some 3M hooks to store the purses I use on a regular basis, and maybe some hooks above the wellies to hang my umbrellas.
> 
> I know y'all are SO EXCITED  to read my organizing plans in detail, but I'm kind of excited about this.
> 
> I think, when I finish cleaning/organizing the whole place, I should reward myself with a new couch. I HATE my couch. The XH picked it out, and it's lumpy because he ruined all the cushions. A nice new couch, and a new floor rug to go with it.


I am actually excited reading your plans. SAD! But not really...good for you! I would LOVE a new couch too. I have mine from before I was married that the dog ruined. Urgh. I drool over Pottery Barn catalogs.


----------



## Another Planet

BaxJanson said:


> Happy birthday, movealong! May the year ahead be full of brightness and laughter!
> 
> Clutter is definitely my biggest problem. * I collect and build props for my shows, so I have a surfeit of suitcases, a plethora of pots and pans, and a ton of tools that just sit, waiting for their next chance to go on stage. I've got an earthenware pot that's been in almost as many shows as I have. I'd pare back, but as soon as I do, I find myself needing another stuffed squirrel whose head can be bitten off. (And really, you start to feel a little psychopathic after making a third one.)*


:scratchhead: what?...
What do you do again?


----------



## BaxJanson

I'm in the theater. I act, direct, and sing, but I've also discovered a knack for painting sets and building props. Got both my degrees in it, so it's a little more than a hobby, but it sure doesn't pay the bills, so it isn't my job. Not yet, at least.


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> I am actually excited reading your plans. SAD! But not really...good for you! I would LOVE a new couch too. I have mine from before I was married that the dog ruined. Urgh. I drool over Pottery Barn catalogs.


GF and I just did this project. It's a $850 Ikea karlstad I got for free, just a little time put in after kids go to bed and it's almost brand new.
We do projects like this a couple times a week. We have a $900 Steelcase currency desk waiting in my shop for the next project.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Ooooh regarding any sofa - get an Ikea catalog or print off the pages from online that show the different styles of chairs and sofas you can get slipcovers for. I have a chair that is NOT made by Ikea but the Ektorp slip cover fits it perfectly. I got a white one for $29 (yes twenty-nine for white) dollars. I wasn't sure if it was too white with the rest of the room but it works as I made some throw pillows to tie it all together. My point is, if you hate your sofa, go buy a used one at goodwill or some other place like that because as long as it has the same silhouette, you can get a slipcover and it doesn't matter if it's ugly or dirty as long as it's solid.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> GF and I just did this project. It's a $850 Ikea karlstad I got for free, just a little time put in after kids go to bed and it's almost brand new.
> We do projects like this a couple times a week. We have a $900 Steelcase currency desk waiting in my shop for the next project.


How did you do that? And...do you have a brother? 'Cause oh my gosh, if i had a man (and a shop) to help me refinish furniture and do household projects I would be in HEAVEN. 

One of my favorite blogs is Young House Love and one of the things that makes me drool most about that blog is that the woman is always referring to how her husband did all the labor. He can hang lights, build cabinets, refinish any surface AND WANTS to do it as opposed to being forced to. Sigh.


----------



## firebelly1

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ooooh regarding any sofa - get an Ikea catalog or print off the pages from online that show the different styles of chairs and sofas you can get slipcovers for. I have a chair that is NOT made by Ikea but the Ektorp slip cover fits it perfectly. I got a white one for $29 (yes twenty-nine for white) dollars. I wasn't sure if it was too white with the rest of the room but it works as I made some throw pillows to tie it all together. My point is, if you hate your sofa, go buy a used one at goodwill or some other place like that because as long as it has the same silhouette, you can get a slipcover and it doesn't matter if it's ugly or dirty as long as it's solid.


I can sew so have actually made slipcovers in the past but there's only so many times you can put lipstick on a pig.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> I aspire to this level of organization/ritual.
> 
> Eventually, I'm going to put one of those 3M Command hooks by the front door, but this work for now.
> 
> Next thing will be working on a home for my bag when I walk in the door.
> 
> See, I understand the concept of everything needing a home, but NOTHING has a home right now, and the thought of finding homes for everything is more than a little overwhelming, along with the de-cluttering and the actual cleaning. It's a huge project.
> 
> But I'll get there eventually.


Get a multi pack of those that hold more weight and hang your bag on one, too. 

Why don't you start with the room or area that bugs you the most? Get a little notebook for your bag and keep a pen with you and write what you think you need. So in your notebook just write "something that fits [this space] for my bag/shoes/keys" - whatever you need storage for and the space you have for it. Go to goodwill (I LOVE GOODWILL) and look at the furniture and home goods odds and ends. If you like the buckets, find some with handles on them and hang up with command hooks - paint any color you like.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

firebelly1 said:


> I can sew so have actually made slipcovers in the past but there's only so many times you can put lipstick on a pig.


Yeah, that's why I said get a solid sofa in good condition that is used for cheap. It won't matter if it's ugly or dingy because you can put an Ikea slip cover on it if you get the right SHAPE.

This is the chair that isn't from Ikea but their covers fit it - sorry the photo is dark. The rug has white in it, sofa/loveseat are olive green, rug ties it all together. I just added throw pillows in different colors. The rug was at an overstock/remnant store for $159. Slipcover $29, pillows $4x6=$24; fabric around $35. Whole new living room.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Oh, and great frame with an AWFUL PURPLE PALM TREE picture. (WTF?) so I painted my own over the palm tree. ($13.00 from goodwill!)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

The guys are probably turning on some sports to get away from the estrogen. Maybe I should have started a thread called "Your New Bachelor[ette] Pad"


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> The guys are probably turning on some sports to get away from the estrogen. Maybe I should have started a thread called "Your New Bachelor[ette] Pad"



Are you sure you have a teenager living with you?


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I am actually excited reading your plans. SAD! But not really...good for you! I would LOVE a new couch too. I have mine from before I was married that the dog ruined. Urgh. I drool over Pottery Barn catalogs.


Oh, me, too! And I love Pier One. I love browsing for home goods.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Get a multi pack of those that hold more weight and hang your bag on one, too.
> 
> *Why don't you start with the room or area that bugs you the most?* Get a little notebook for your bag and keep a pen with you and write what you think you need. So in your notebook just write "something that fits [this space] for my bag/shoes/keys" - whatever you need storage for and the space you have for it. Go to goodwill (I LOVE GOODWILL) and look at the furniture and home goods odds and ends. If you like the buckets, find some with handles on them and hang up with command hooks - paint any color you like.


EVERYTHING bugs me!!! Ha ha  Good suggestions... but I'm going to try to use what I already have that's not being utilized before I spend MORE money and bring MORE stuff into the house. Trying to declutter, remember??? 

If I get to a point where I don't have something that can do the job (like I don't have any of those hooks, but I don't have anything else that will work, either), then I'll go buy some stuff.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliW pad should be featured in the next edition of Sunset. 

Our couch and chairs, rattan, were given to us by my in-laws. The furniture dates back to the 1940s. We just have to replace the cushions and covers now and again.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yeah, that's why I said get a solid sofa in good condition that is used for cheap. It won't matter if it's ugly or dingy because you can put an Ikea slip cover on it if you get the right SHAPE.
> 
> This is the chair that isn't from Ikea but their covers fit it - sorry the photo is dark. The rug has white in it, sofa/loveseat are olive green, rug ties it all together. I just added throw pillows in different colors. The rug was at an overstock/remnant store for $159. Slipcover $29, pillows $4x6=$24; fabric around $35. Whole new living room.


I like your house, Enjoli. Someday mine will be that clean.


----------



## ne9907

Tough Mudder tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry got carried away


----------



## firebelly1

Seeing these pictures of Enjoli's house makes me want to post pics of mine. I wonder if that's how guys feel when they have muscle cars?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I take photos of everything I do.  It's probably annoying.  I kind of got in the habit when the ex didn't think my home was adequate and was sending DSS over. So I took photos of the whole house, including in the closets, pantry, fridge, etc. And I like before/after photos as well.

And yep I have a teen allright. She wasn't home when I took this. Right now there are vans, converse, sperry's, black combat boots, brown riding boots, athletic sneakers and two pairs of socks plus lots of dog hair. And a few lance cracker wrappers, stack of school work and a glass on the coffee table.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> EVERYTHING bugs me!!! Ha ha  Good suggestions... but I'm going to try to use what I already have that's not being utilized before I spend MORE money and bring MORE stuff into the house. Trying to declutter, remember???
> 
> If I get to a point where I don't have something that can do the job (like I don't have any of those hooks, but I don't have anything else that will work, either), then I'll go buy some stuff.


What about get a friend who is crafy/creative come and do a home makeover one day? I did this for a girlfriend. We ended up taking a chest from her bedroom fro a coffee table; a random plant stand was put in the corner of her bathroom for TP, etc. and we rearranged her living room because it was long and narrow - made two separate spaces with a desk and reading area then a TV area. The sofa was a main dividing piece but used an old highboard from her dining room backed up to the sofa, added a lamp and some knick knacks and she used it for printer paper and office supplies.

Maybe having a friend help you figure out new uses for things would make it fun instead of something you dread! 

Oh and one cute thing... she was missing a finial on a cafe curtain rod in her breakfast nook... took the other one off and since they were hollow, we stuck salad forks on either end! It looked cool!


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> And yep I have a teen allright. She wasn't home when I took this. Right now there are vans, converse, sperry's, black combat boots, brown riding boots, athletic sneakers and two pairs of socks plus lots of dog hair. And a few lance cracker wrappers, stack of school work and a glass on the coffee table.



That's what I'm talking about, sounds all too familiar. Oh, forget about trying to navigate through my youngest son's room.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

drerio said:


> That's what I'm talking about, sounds all too familiar. Oh, forget about trying to navigate through my youngest son's room.


haha I should take a pic of THAT and post it. You'd believe I had a teen then! 

And there are ALWAYS hair bands and earrings laying everywhere. In fact I think there are some earrings on the mantle in that pic! She takes them off after school and randomly sets them down even tho I organized a spot for them. AND the hair bands.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> haha I should take a pic of THAT and post it. You'd believe I had a teen then!
> 
> 
> 
> And there are ALWAYS hair bands and earrings laying everywhere. In fact I think there are some earrings on the mantle in that pic! She takes them off after school and randomly sets them down even tho I organized a spot for them. AND the hair bands.



That would be a dangerous pic, :rofl:

My youngest is all the jock, he is currently double practicing as he finishes the football season and starting into basketball. So, wife designated me to enter his bedroom to help him look for his stinky gear, to have it cleaned. It smells like a men's locker room, choke ugh. 

Thus in my case you are all just fortunate pics don't come with smell.

I think he takes after his mother


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> What about get a friend who is crafy/creative come and do a home makeover one day? I did this for a girlfriend. We ended up taking a chest from her bedroom fro a coffee table; a random plant stand was put in the corner of her bathroom for TP, etc. and we rearranged her living room because it was long and narrow - made two separate spaces with a desk and reading area then a TV area. The sofa was a main dividing piece but used an old highboard from her dining room backed up to the sofa, added a lamp and some knick knacks and she used it for printer paper and office supplies.
> 
> Maybe having a friend help you figure out new uses for things would make it fun instead of something you dread!
> 
> Oh and one cute thing... she was missing a finial on a cafe curtain rod in her breakfast nook... took the other one off and since they were hollow, we stuck salad forks on either end! It looked cool!


I'm pretty crafty and creative, so I'm sure I'll come up with some good ideas once I get going... I don't really dread it, I'm just really busy and always have a lot going on. And there are always a hundred projects/books competing for my attention. I'm going to try to devote a big chunk of time between now and next Friday, because NaNoWriMo (www.nanowrimo.org) starts in a week, and I'd like to get a head start on this before I have to devote my time to writing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy Birthday, MoveAlong!

:smthumbup:

:birthday::birthday::birthday::birthday:



bandit.45 said:


> That's my problem. I'm a pvssy addict.


:rofl:

"The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem..."


----------



## Ikaika

Us old guys with kiddos we don't have birthdays any longer. Although, I get reminders from my health and life insurance company that another one rolls around again soon. Ugh, I'm old.


----------



## FeministInPink

Happy birthday, movealong! I hope it's been a good one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

Funny how all this furniture stuffs coming up.
l bought my daughter this beautifully restored and painted eggshell dresser from the op shop. Well l broke the mirror moving, very unique style.
So l found another dresser similar style mirror at the op shop and bought that for the mirror.
But this one actually looked great without the mirror and l'm doing it up this wk end. 
Been sanding a bit here and there last few wks and it's ready to go.

Well , on breaking bad , in his new apartment , there's a redish dresser buffet style thing against the wall , loved it. Sort old mixed with contemporary , Looks like rort iron handles .
That's the color and style l wanna try on this one . If it works out l'll throw in a pic.
That is all


----------



## bandit.45

Happy Birthday Movealong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BaxJanson

Well, interesting evening. Had a date for minigolf, but she texted yesterday to reschedule. Her son's halloween dance needed chaperones. I replied I was a bit dissapointed, as I'd been looking forward to it, but I understood. Today, I find that she switched duties with another mom - she spent the day decorating for the dance, so she'd be free to meet up for dinner. (She assured me her son was quite relieved that she wouldn't be chaperoning.)

We have a lovely dinner, and she tells about the trip to Italy she just got back from. And that in that time span since she's been back, she's closed on a house, finalized her divorce, took over a small business franchise, and her daughter brought home a puppy! I was sure to express my admiration and that all sounds WAAY too stressful for me. She also admitted that she thought about me a few times, and how much I would have enjoyed her trip. (They were in a castle, with no heat, no internet, no grocery store, and no one spoke a word of English. What an adventure!)

So I still suck at flirting, but I had a lovely evening out with a kindred spirit, and I'm a bit flattered that she went out of her way to squeeze me in when she had so much else going on. And I got to get out of the house, which is equally as appealing, these days.


----------



## Fenix

movealong said:


> Today is my birthday.


Happy Birthday!


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> How did you do that? And...do you have a brother? 'Cause oh my gosh, if i had a man (and a shop) to help me refinish furniture and do household projects I would be in HEAVEN.
> 
> One of my favorite blogs is Young House Love and one of the things that makes me drool most about that blog is that the woman is always referring to how her husband did all the labor. He can hang lights, build cabinets, refinish any surface AND WANTS to do it as opposed to being forced to. Sigh.


It needed to be basically stripped because whoever it belonged to previously used bad leather treatment on it...and had a dog 
Good leather cleaner and conditioner and some elbow grease got it back in line.

Sorry my brother is happily taken 

And I love being handy, would love to get into flipping houses and commercial real estate.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> It needed to be basically stripped because whoever it belonged to previously used bad leather treatment on it...and had a dog
> Good leather cleaner and conditioner and some elbow grease got it back in line.
> 
> Sorry my brother is happily taken
> 
> And I love being handy, would love to get into flipping houses and commercial real estate.


Sigh. I'm going to add "must be handy" on my list of what I want in a man on my online profiles.


----------



## firebelly1

So, I'm shaking my head this morning because on my computer I found a POWER POINT presentation that I put together when I was desperately trying to get my now ex husband on board with the family finances. That's how desperate I was to communicate with him. It's got funny pictures and animated text boxes and arrows. Oh my god I wasted so much time on a man who had no communication skills.


----------



## firebelly1

I had to do it. 

[/attach]


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Sigh. I'm going to add "must be handy" on my list of what I want in a man on my online profiles.


The old me would say "or atleast someone who had enough money to pay to have it done", not anymore though. Now I understand that doing your interests with a partner that is as interested in them as you and as motivated is way more enjoyable. Having your partner be your friend also is so much more fun.


----------



## BaxJanson

I love building things, too - in fact, yesterday I bought the lumber for a new bed I'm going to build myself. My favorite one thus far, though, is a piano I refinished. It had been taken apart and all the guts stripped out of it, so I rebuilt it as a desk. It holds my keyboard, which I can slide back and lower the cover on, and has an angled display my computer can mount to, as well.


----------



## TooNice

BaxJanson said:


> My favorite one thus far, though, is a piano I refinished. It had been taken apart and all the guts stripped out of it, so I rebuilt it as a desk. It holds my keyboard, which I can slide back and lower the cover on, and has an angled display my computer can mount to, as well.


That sounds very cool!


----------



## whitehawk

My daughter did the dresser in the color l was going to use , on her ipad first . We didn't like it so it's all sanded and ready to go but we're having a rethink about color .

That piano sounds really cool Bax , great concept.

I'm fitting a bath into a camper at work this wk . How cools that gonna be .being able to sit in the tub in an rv . Had to rip the guts out of two sections to shift the fridge and to create a new area to fit in the bath and a larger on suit for the bed room ,
Been getting a real kick out of this job, should sell for top dollar too


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> The old me would say "or atleast someone who had enough money to pay to have it done", not anymore though. Now I understand that doing your interests with a partner that is as interested in them as you and as motivated is way more enjoyable. Having your partner be your friend also is so much more fun.


Ya making me miss my ex AP . We flipped a few houses and we were always doing up furniture or some projects or renovating together


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Ya making me miss my ex AP . We flipped a few houses and we were always doing up furniture or some projects or renovating together


No, you are making yourself miss you ex.


----------



## ne9907

Had 10 mile tough mudder race today. I am beginning to feel sore. My knees and legs are all scratched. My elbows too. My feet have so many blisters (bad shoes) and I can't get rid of mud smell!! But ihave never before eaten a hamburger with so much satisfaction!!!

It was a wonderful day ð


----------



## firebelly1

Have had first and second date with a guy this weekend and am left feeling overwhelmed because he seems SO enthusiastic. One might think I would be glad to have someone be so into me but I feel like I want him to back off. Normal?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Have had first and second date with a guy this weekend and am left feeling overwhelmed because he seems SO enthusiastic. One might think I would be glad to have someone be so into me but I feel like I want him to back off. Normal?


There's a reason guys "play it cool" and act all "hard to get". This is why.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> There's a reason guys "play it cool" and act all "hard to get". This is why.


I know. It's why I "play it cool" too. Don't want to scare anyone off with my enthusiasm. But seems a shame that we can't just be ourselves and be okay with other people being themselves so I feel bad about having this reaction. Not going to kick him to the curb but I may have to say something.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Ya making me miss my ex AP . We flipped a few houses and we were always doing up furniture or some projects or renovating together


That's why you need to always just keep being yourself. The right one will come into your life and fit in when it is right...the wrong people will come when you are not being true to yourself and you will be in turmoil.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Had 10 mile tough mudder race today. I am beginning to feel sore. My knees and legs are all scratched. My elbows too. My feet have so many blisters (bad shoes) and I can't get rid of mud smell!! But ihave never before eaten a hamburger with so much satisfaction!!!
> 
> It was a wonderful day ð



Sounds like a 10mile mudder fkr ne :rofl:
What is it anyway ?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> That's why you need to always just keep being yourself. The right one will come into your life and fit in when it is right...the wrong people will come when you are not being true to yourself and you will be in turmoil.


Yeah l can vouch for that one


----------



## movealong

There have been two times in my life when intense feelings a woman have been to the point of being almost completely overwhelming. I married the first woman and wound up in a 14 year relationship that ended in divorce. I allowed those feelings to override common sense and red flags. This time I am intently watching for the red flags, and I am not wearing blinders.

HS and I have hit it off to say the least. The old adage of "if it seems to be too good to be true, it probably is", should apply, but nothing so far has lead me to think that way. It may be the chemical and hormonal reactions working on the both of us, who knows? But, it doesn't feel like that. 

She is smart, independent, and stable. She has a high sex drive, she is attractive, and she knows my history. I am feeling a little overwhelmed this morning. But it feels good.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I know. It's why I "play it cool" too. Don't want to scare anyone off with my enthusiasm. But seems a shame that we can't just be ourselves and be okay with other people being themselves so I feel bad about having this reaction. Not going to kick him to the curb but I may have to say something.


Agreed - it sucks, the whole game of it. I think for me though, if I was seeing a woman I was really, really smitten with, I'd love it if she'd showed major enthusiasm, really let her feelings be known, etc etc. I think if you're a little put off by this guy's excitement over you, you probably don't have a really strong attraction in the first place. Just my opinion, of course. Maybe for some people, over-enthusiasm is an attraction killer in and of itself.


----------



## Healer

movealong said:


> There have been two times in my life when intense feelings a woman have been to the point of being almost completely overwhelming. I married the first woman and wound up in a 14 year relationship that ended in divorce. I allowed those feelings to override common sense and red flags. This time I am intently watching for the red flags, and I am not wearing blinders.


You just described me in my first marriage, to a tee. Ahhh to be young and stupid.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Agreed - it sucks, the whole game of it. I think for me though, if I was seeing a woman I was really, really smitten with, I'd love it if she'd showed major enthusiasm, really let her feelings be known, etc etc. I think if you're a little put off by this guy's excitement over you, you probably don't have a really strong attraction in the first place. Just my opinion, of course. Maybe for some people, over-enthusiasm is an attraction killer in and of itself.


Yes, have to admit, I think you're right. If I were more attracted to him the enthusiasm would be more welcome.


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Agreed - it sucks, the whole game of it. I think for me though, if I was seeing a woman I was really, really smitten with, I'd love it if she'd showed major enthusiasm, really let her feelings be known, etc etc. I think if you're a little put off by this guy's excitement over you, you probably don't have a really strong attraction in the first place. Just my opinion, of course. Maybe for some people, over-enthusiasm is an attraction killer in and of itself.





firebelly1 said:


> Yes, have to admit, I think you're right. If I were more attracted to him the enthusiasm would be more welcome.


That's what I was going to say. If you liked someone their enthusiasm would be welcome and not considered out of the ordinary. Chalk it up as another lesson learned.


----------



## movealong

Healer said:


> You just described me in my first marriage, to a tee. Ahhh to be young and stupid.


I am neither young, nor stupid, lol! Which is why I am continuing to look for red flags and seeing if there is a shoe waiting to drop. I made the mistake of rushing in where angels fear to tread the first time I had these feelings, and I am not ready to repeat a mistake of such magnitude. Fortunately, she is in the same mind set, so neither of us is rushing toward an alter. LOL


----------



## samyeagar

firebelly1 said:


> Yes, have to admit, I think you're right. If I were more attracted to him the enthusiasm would be more welcome.


The difference between a creepy and flattering look from someone...if they are attractive, it's flattering, if they aren't, it's creepy.


----------



## firebelly1

movealong said:


> I am neither young, nor stupid, lol! Which is why I am continuing to look for red flags and seeing if there is a shoe waiting to drop. I made the mistake of rushing in where angels fear to tread the first time I had these feelings, and I am not ready to repeat a mistake of such magnitude. Fortunately, she is in the same mind set, so neither of us is rushing toward an alter. LOL


It seems to me that this is why it's good to have some rules like not moving in together until you've dated a year or something like that. At least for me, entangling finances makes things much more complicated and harder to extricate myself from the relationship if the red flags go off. Having that rule in place allows you to float off into hot sex land and really enjoy it. 

Sounds like you got some action for your birthday Movealong. Best birthday present ever, right?


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Sounds like a 10mile mudder fkr ne :rofl:
> What is it anyway ?


This is tough Mudder :
https://toughmudder.com/



Healer said:


> Agreed - it sucks, the whole game of it. I think for me though, if I was seeing a woman I was really, really smitten with, I'd love it if she'd showed major enthusiasm, really let her feelings be known, etc etc. I think if you're a little put off by this guy's excitement over you, you probably don't have a really strong attraction in the first place. Just my opinion, of course. Maybe for some people, over-enthusiasm is an attraction killer in and of itself.


:iagree:
Here is my question. Navy guy does not seem into me. But he continues to text. After our date Thursday, i did not hear from him until Sunday morning. He had sent me a text Saturday night saying how he worked on Saturday as well, and he would be glad when the network install was finished (he is IT). He asked how my weekend was going.

I texted back all about Tough Mudder, he said he would love to do that, blah blah blah.... then radio silence again. 
In real life, he is quiet.

I am not sure what to make of it. I really like this guy. I was thinking of calling him tonight and telling that I really like him, that I would like to see where this (our thing) goes. If he is interested great, if not that is cool as well. 

Or am I over reacting? We have gone on four dates. We met on Tinder. He lives 3.5 hours away from me. I do like him a lot.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> Here is my question. Navy guy does not seem into me. But he continues to text. After our date Thursday, i did not hear from him until Sunday morning. He had sent me a text Saturday night saying how he worked on Saturday as well, and he would be glad when the network install was finished (he is IT). He asked how my weekend was going.
> 
> I texted back all about Tough Mudder, he said he would love to do that, blah blah blah.... then radio silence again.
> In real life, he is quiet.
> 
> I am not sure what to make of it. I really like this guy. I was thinking of calling him tonight and telling that I really like him, that I would like to see where this (our thing) goes. If he is interested great, if not that is cool as well.
> 
> Or am I over reacting? We have gone on four dates. We met on Tinder. He lives 3.5 hours away from me. I do like him a lot.


I can't even begin to guess what men think so have no idea what any of this means on his side but it seems like if he is initiating texting there is SOME interest. I would think you calling and telling him you really like him might be a bit much at this point but why not plan out your next outing? Tell him you'd like to get together again and ask when he's free?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> This is tough Mudder :
> https://toughmudder.com/
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:
> Here is my question. Navy guy does not seem into me. But he continues to text. After our date Thursday, i did not hear from him until Sunday morning. He had sent me a text Saturday night saying how he worked on Saturday as well, and he would be glad when the network install was finished (he is IT). He asked how my weekend was going.
> 
> I texted back all about Tough Mudder, he said he would love to do that, blah blah blah.... then radio silence again.
> In real life, he is quiet.
> 
> I am not sure what to make of it. I really like this guy. I was thinking of calling him tonight and telling that I really like him, that I would like to see where this (our thing) goes. If he is interested great, if not that is cool as well.
> 
> Or am I over reacting? We have gone on four dates. We met on Tinder. He lives 3.5 hours away from me. I do like him a lot.


My opinion from my perspective.....even if you two like each why would you or him want a long distance relationship? You really think there is not another suitable man in between you and him? 3.5 hours really?! That is what like 200 miles give or take? 
It is starting to seem like you are wanting this distance from a mate but yet you need the interaction constantly also. 
I would not be in to a woman that far away and if I was it would only be for a booty call or date for some fun here and there and not anything serious. 
I am not jumping to conclusions but a man putting that much distance in between him and the woman he is active with is more likely to be doing it to cheat on his GF or wife.


----------



## Another Planet

And putting the distance aside NE, all you have to do when you are questioning about him is do you feel good about him more often then not? If you are spending more time obsessing about how he treats you and how unsure you are is it really worth it and are you just trying to convince yourself?


----------



## unsure78

Despite NE recent admission of wanting a real relationship, its very clear from her choices in men that she has a commitment problem....

Guy she met in vegas...distance
Blue eyes..married but even before she knew that he didn't want to have feeling involved
Navy guy... 3.5 hrs away

NE you are subconsciously choosing men with either an emotional distance or physical distance to prevent a true emotional attachment...ive done it in the past as well...

try the books Men who cant love and Hes Scared shes Scared...it may give you some insight on yourself


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Here is my question. Navy guy does not seem into me. But he continues to text. After our date Thursday, i did not hear from him until Sunday morning. He had sent me a text Saturday night saying how he worked on Saturday as well, and he would be glad when the network install was finished (he is IT). He asked how my weekend was going.
> 
> I texted back all about Tough Mudder, he said he would love to do that, blah blah blah.... then radio silence again.
> In real life, he is quiet.
> 
> I am not sure what to make of it. I really like this guy. I was thinking of calling him tonight and telling that I really like him, that I would like to see where this (our thing) goes. If he is interested great, if not that is cool as well.
> 
> Or am I over reacting? We have gone on four dates. We met on Tinder. He lives 3.5 hours away from me. I do like him a lot.


He is using you as something to to fill his time. He just isnt that into you.


----------



## ne9907

Great Advice everyone. 
Unsure you are right.... my therapist mentioned soemthing along those lines. My desire to stay in control and inability to open up emotionally.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Great Advice everyone.
> Unsure you are right.... my therapist mentioned soemthing along those lines. My desire to stay in control and inability to open up emotionally.


If your therapist said that maybe you shouldn't be dating at all. I don't think you are ready from what you have been posting. 

I have similar issues with not wanting to commit so don't see the point in dating until I am willing to open up.


----------



## Another Planet

Me thinks you knows exactly what you are doing NE  Just gotta admit it to yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Me thinks you knows exactly what you are doing NE  Just gotta admit it to yourself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol
It will sound crazy but I want a supportive relationship without having to be too close. Distance feels right for me. I would like a boyfriend who I can call any time of the day, but do not necessarily have to see him all the time. 
Once or twice a week would be perfect. 

There are a couple of other men I am talking to, but I am not interested in them at all. Why do I talk to them? Because I need back up plans.... it sounds awful... but it is the truth.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> lol
> It will sound crazy but I want a supportive relationship without having to be too close. Distance feels right for me. I would like a boyfriend who I can call any time of the day, but do not necessarily have to see him all the time.
> Once or twice a week would be perfect.
> 
> There are a couple of other men I am talking to, but I am not interested in them at all. Why do I talk to them? Because I need back up plans.... it sounds awful... but it is the truth.


My opinion..not that you asked  ...I think you need to leave the men alone for a while, and just work on Ne.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> lol
> It will sound crazy but I want a supportive relationship without having to be too close. Distance feels right for me. I would like a boyfriend who I can call any time of the day, but do not necessarily have to see him all the time.
> Once or twice a week would be perfect.
> 
> There are a couple of other men I am talking to, but I am not interested in them at all. Why do I talk to them? Because I need back up plans.... it sounds awful... but it is the truth.


You can have distance and live around the corner from each other. You speak mountains with your actions.

Now ask yourself WHY would he want a relationship like that with you and when you figure out why would you still want to continue with him.

Back up plans just keeps your focus stretched out thin. You will never have enough room when the right one comes along. And they are typically for insecure people who need multiple avenues of attention which all of them are toxic...why because they fill one little piece of the puzzle not even close to the whole thing and you will never be satisfied. Oh and they breed narcissistic tendencies from filling your ego.


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, it is. I'm not going to make the dissertation defense at all now. A couple last-minute meetings popped up on my calendar that are going to make it impossible. He said we should get together soon and catch up.


So, I emailed PhD to say congrats (he passed) and to make the offer of celebration drinks. I suggested this Thursday, but he said he's out of town traveling for a few weeks to take a break, but he hopes we can catch up soon, and he's going to ping me when he's back in town.


----------



## Fenix

Healer said:


> Agreed - it sucks, the whole game of it. I think for me though, if I was seeing a woman I was really, really smitten with, I'd love it if she'd showed major enthusiasm, really let her feelings be known, etc etc. I think if you're a little put off by this guy's excitement over you, you probably don't have a really strong attraction in the first place. Just my opinion, of course. Maybe for some people, over-enthusiasm is an attraction killer in and of itself.


Over-enthusiasm can be overwhelming, regardless of the attraction. Some people are just slower to warm up. (like me!)


movealong said:


> I am neither young, nor stupid, lol! Which is why I am continuing to look for red flags and seeing if there is a shoe waiting to drop. I made the mistake of rushing in where angels fear to tread the first time I had these feelings, and I am not ready to repeat a mistake of such magnitude. Fortunately, she is in the same mind set, so neither of us is rushing toward an alter. LOL


Relax and take it day by day. No rush to commitment but heck, have some fun with the giddiness. You are due!!!



firebelly1 said:


> It seems to me that this is why it's good to have some rules like not moving in together until you've dated a year or something like that. At least for me, entangling finances makes things much more complicated and harder to extricate myself from the relationship if the red flags go off. Having that rule in place allows you to float off into hot sex land and really enjoy it.
> 
> Sounds like you got some action for your birthday Movealong. Best birthday present ever, right?


Hmmm....I am pretty conservative I guess. I have kids and there is no way I would consider moving someone in. I will wait until they are gone.



Another Planet said:


> My opinion from my perspective.....even if you two like each why would you or him want a long distance relationship? You really think there is not another suitable man in between you and him? 3.5 hours really?! That is what like 200 miles give or take?
> It is starting to seem like you are wanting this distance from a mate but yet you need the interaction constantly also.
> I would not be in to a woman that far away and if I was it would only be for a booty call or date for some fun here and there and not anything serious.
> I am not jumping to conclusions but a man putting that much distance in between him and the woman he is active with is more likely to be doing it to cheat on his GF or wife.


:iagree: 30 minute rule.


----------



## Healer

Gawd - the prospect of living with someone again is terrifying. You're on the hook for common law rights (property) in no time. Plus giving up my freedom - I've really been enjoying not answering to anyone. Plus that whole "rocking out with my **** out" Sunday mornings - don't think I can give that up just yet.


----------



## Another Planet

Well here is the followup to that article I posted about the wife confessing she wanted to cheat on her husband.....Or rather her confession for cheating on him. 
All I can say is WOW what a beta...he even admitted his shame and guilt and still lets her walk all over him by justifying his wife. SMH poor fvcking bastard.

My Wife Told Me She Wants to Cheat: Here's How I Feel -


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> Well here is the followup to that article I posted about the wife confessing she wanted to cheat on her husband.....Or rather her confession for cheating on him.
> All I can say is WOW what a beta...he even admitted his shame and guilt and still lets her walk all over him by justifying his wife. SMH poor fvcking bastard.
> 
> My Wife Told Me She Wants to Cheat: Here's How I Feel -


As a man reading this response article, my initial reaction was "He is a better man than me, because I would have said goodbye". But he is not a better man than me, or any other man. He is a man that loves his wife and wants to continue to be in the marriage. To that end, he said what he felt was right to maintain the marriage. If he were on this forum, I would recommend NMMNG. And quite honestly, I would have a hard time staying in the relationship after such a declaration from the woman who promised it would only be she and I in our relationship. 

The one thing I did _not_ read in his response was what action would be taken if she carried through. Is he a "Nice" enough guy to stay with her through such a physical betrayal after the emotional betrayal? 

I would not want to be in his shoes.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Gawd - the prospect of living with someone again is terrifying.


I know exactly what you mean. FIP and I were just talking about that. LOL


----------



## nanofaan

i like the post that says date yourself first?


----------



## ne9907

HA!!

I shall conquer Navy guy, make him mine forever!!

Six success rules for long-distance dating
That article will tell me how to do it efficiently 
Totally kidding, Have a good morning all~~


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Healer said:
> 
> 
> 
> Gawd - the prospect of living with someone again is terrifying. You're on the hook for common law rights (property) in no time. Plus giving up my freedom - I've really been enjoying not answering to anyone. Plus that whole "rocking out with my **** out" Sunday mornings - don't think I can give that up just yet.
> 
> 
> 
> I know exactly what you mean. FIP and I were just talking about that. LOL
Click to expand...

Yeah, I totally get it! I mean, I don't find the prospect terrifying, BUT I'm not in a rush to do it again anytime soon. After 10 yrs living with the XH, I LOVE having my own space again. I considered doing the roommate thing, because having my own apartment is a huge drain financially, but it is absolutely worth it. I love having the space the way I want it, with the option to have it as clean (or as messy!) as I desire, and not have to worry about another person.

Right now, I'd like to think that I won't live with a man again, unless we've already gotten engaged. I've seen way too many people (myself included) who married the wrong person largely due to the fact that they were living together, and marriage seemed like the "logical" choice because they were already living together, when in reality, getting married was easier than breaking up. That's pretty sad. I don't want to do that to myself, put myself in that position again.

Then again, I might be really happy doing the "married but separate" thing:

Is Living Apart Good for Marriage? For More Americans, Two Roofs May Be Better Than One | Alternet

Mmmm... probably not. As much as I love my own space, and as awful as my marriage turned out, I really liked coming home to my partner and waking up next to him, and I'd like to have that again. Just not anytime soon


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> Then again, I might be really happy doing the "married but separate" thing:
> 
> Is Living Apart Good for Marriage? For More Americans, Two Roofs May Be Better Than One | Alternet
> 
> Mmmm... probably not. As much as I love my own space, and as awful as my marriage turned out, I really liked coming home to my partner and waking up next to him, and I'd like to have that again. Just not anytime soon


:iagree: This part :iagree:


----------



## firebelly1

I was gonna say....I really enjoy having my own space too. But I would very much like to have a man in bed with me every night to do with as I please. Not that that would probably even happen if I had a man in my bed ever night, but you know what I mean.

But I don't want to clean up after anyone, or be obligated to be anyone's cook, or worry that they aren't keeping up their end of the financial side of things. But, if I'm finally learning this lesson, that's why you date and figure those things out before you make the financial commitment to move in together.


----------



## BaxJanson

Boy, reading that article made me think that this was no mere fellow who had lost his way - he's been purposefully mislead. He admits that his initial reaction is rage, and then theraspeaks himself into venting all that rage away from himself, so he can do what he 'should.' He claims he wants love, but instead chooses to dismiss himself utterly so that he can stay with this girl who claims to love him, yet offers direct proof of the opposite of it.

A fair amount of man-hating in the piece, too. His anger is "Hulk-like", "This is the place no man wants to go—a pit of despair, self-loathing, shame and loneliness.", "As a man, I haven’t been taught by our society how to express my feelings." Yeah, like anger. 

Behold, the modern, 'enlightened' man in all his glory.


----------



## Fenix

BaxJanson said:


> Boy, reading that article made me think that this was no mere fellow who had lost his way - he's been purposefully mislead. He admits that his initial reaction is rage, and then theraspeaks himself into venting all that rage away from himself, so he can do what he 'should.' He claims he wants love, but instead chooses to dismiss himself utterly so that he can stay with this girl who claims to love him, yet offers direct proof of the opposite of it.
> 
> A fair amount of man-hating in the piece, too. His anger is "Hulk-like", "This is the place no man wants to go—a pit of despair, self-loathing, shame and loneliness.", "As a man, I haven’t been taught by our society how to express my feelings." Yeah, like anger.
> 
> Behold, the modern, 'enlightened' man in all his glory.



I can't read it. Such crap. *shaking head* From what you guys are describing, he's not modern or enlightened. He sounds like a chump. It has nothing to do with NMMNG; it has everything to do with self respect and being weak and that is not gender based.


----------



## moxy

Fire -- my thoughts, too!

I love the hell out of living alone, but I miss having a man that I lust after in bed with me! Alas, I think I need to stay away from that for a little while, so I'm burying myself in work, lately. Work and clutter.  reading all the de-cluttering and cleaning stories here makes me wanna hire a housekeeper.


----------



## bravenewworld

Finally, a day off!!! :smthumbup:

Had a fantastic date with NG (new guy) but been laying low the last couple of weeks. He's busy, I'm busy, and neither of us seem to be reaching out much. Kind of a weird situation. Might have been too much talking/texting/etc. leading up to the first date. Plus I'm slow to warm up and sometimes guys interpret that the wrong way. Either way, it's all good. Even if it goes nowhere, it's never a bad thing to meet someone cool, be taken out to a nice dinner, and have fun making out. 

Feeling extremely positive these last few days. There's so much I need to fix and change right now in my life, but it all seems obtainable and doable. For some non-tangible reason it feels like the universe in manifesting good things on my behalf. 

It's like suddenly things in my mind have clicked. Despite the heartache, I am thankful for the healing/personal growth that has followed the ending of marriage. I feel it now more than ever.


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> As a man reading this response article, my initial reaction was "He is a better man than me, because I would have said goodbye". But he is not a better man than me, or any other man. He is a man that loves his wife and wants to continue to be in the marriage. To that end, he said what he felt was right to maintain the marriage. If he were on this forum, I would recommend NMMNG. And quite honestly, I would have a hard time staying in the relationship after such a declaration from the woman who promised it would only be she and I in our relationship.
> 
> The one thing I did _not_ read in his response was what action would be taken if she carried through. Is he a "Nice" enough guy to stay with her through such a physical betrayal after the emotional betrayal?
> 
> I would not want to be in his shoes.


Happy Belated Bday Movealong! Hope you had a lot of fun and got into a little trouble too. 

Hearing about "open" relationships is often a similar trigger for me as the above. I think it's because they rarely seem equal and it usually like seems like an excuse for one spouse to constantly troll for strange. 

I'm not saying the key to happiness is monogamy only, BUT I think a lot of people delude themselves into thinking they are ok with things they actually aren't. It's the "cool girl" (or guy!) syndrome, to make a Gone Girl reference. Highly recommend that movie BTW if you haven't already seen!


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> I'm burying myself in work, lately. Work and clutter.  reading all the de-cluttering and cleaning stories here makes me wanna hire a housekeeper.


If I had a housekeeper, professional organizer, personal trainer, cook, chauffeur, landscaper, and college aged hunky petsitter - I'd totally be set! :rofl:


----------



## moxy

bravenewworld said:


> If I had a housekeeper, professional organizer, personal trainer, cook, chauffeur, landscaper, and college aged hunky petsitter - I'd totally be set! :rofl:


Or, maybe all of those rolled up into one hot body with a handsome face who might also want to hook up sometimes.  That's not too much to ask for, is it?


----------



## movealong

I am worn out and happy about it! HS lived up to her statement of having a higher than average sex drive. I am operating on 2 hours sleep and a lot of soreness compensated for by the high of such a great night.

All I can say this morning is "F'n wow!".


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I was gonna say....I really enjoy having my own space too. But I would very much like to have a man in bed with me every night to do with as I please. Not that that would probably even happen if I had a man in my bed ever night, but you know what I mean.
> 
> But I don't want to clean up after anyone, or be obligated to be anyone's cook, or worry that they aren't keeping up their end of the financial side of things. But, if I'm finally learning this lesson, that's why you date and figure those things out before you make the financial commitment to move in together.


Even then, there are no guarantees it won't explode (as you know). Hence the fear of commitment after a horribly failed marriage. Trust is hard to reestablish.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Happy Belated Bday Movealong! Hope you had a lot of fun and got into a little trouble too.
> 
> Hearing about "open" relationships is often a similar trigger for me as the above. I think it's because they rarely seem equal and it usually like seems like an excuse for one spouse to constantly troll for strange.
> 
> I'm not saying the key to happiness is monogamy only, BUT I think a lot of people delude themselves into thinking they are ok with things they actually aren't. *It's the "cool girl" (or guy!) syndrome, to make a Gone Girl reference.* Highly recommend that movie BTW if you haven't already seen!


I'm reading this book right now, and I read that passage a few days ago, and it really struck a chord with me. I realized that I spent a lot of time trying to be the "cool girl" and that it was all wasted energy, and wasn't fair to myself. I'm generally a pretty laid back person, and I let a lot of things slide, because I really don't care. But then I felt compelled to let things go, things that I really WASN'T OK with, and I've learned that's something I've got to stop. If something bothers me, I need to say something, and I've been putting that into practice. Sometimes with positive results, sometimes... not.


----------



## Healer

I decided not to contact my former lover for a booty call, even though it was very tempting. Move forward instead. I have a date Monday with a gal I met on Tinder - 2 of my band mates are friends of her's and say good things. I guess she was at a gig a couple months back but I didn't meet her.

In my profile for things I enjoy I have "room temperature and eating paste". After we arranged the date she typed "Ok, I have to know, eating paste? What kind of paste? It's freaking me out!". So I told her "oh, anchovy, tomato, the stuff kindergarten kids use to stick stuff to paper...". Later she texted saying "yay, you'll be my first Tinder date". I replied "you'll be my second, but the first one was a dude, so that doesn't count". She laughed. I have to make sure a woman can handle my nonsense before I commit to meeting her. 

I've got a couple other online dates lined up too. Back to it. My company holds a huge, extravagant x-mas party every year - always a major spectacle. I didn't go last year - wasn't seeing anyone at the time and didn't want to go solo (although it's probably a great place to meet other singles). This year it would be nice to take someone I actually dig. We'll see.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Fire -- my thoughts, too!
> 
> I love the hell out of living alone, but I miss having a man that I lust after in bed with me! Alas, I think I need to stay away from that for a little while, so I'm burying myself in work, lately. Work and clutter.  reading all the de-cluttering and cleaning stories here makes me wanna hire a housekeeper.


Hi Moxy!! Missed you 



bravenewworld said:


> Finally, a day off!!! :smthumbup:
> 
> Had a fantastic date with NG (new guy) but been laying low the last couple of weeks. He's busy, I'm busy, and neither of us seem to be reaching out much. Kind of a weird situation. Might have been too much talking/texting/etc. leading up to the first date. Plus I'm slow to warm up and sometimes guys interpret that the wrong way. Either way, it's all good. Even if it goes nowhere, it's never a bad thing to meet someone cool, be taken out to a nice dinner, and have fun making out.
> 
> *Feeling extremely positive these last few days. There's so much I need to fix and change right now in my life, but it all seems obtainable and doable. For some non-tangible reason it feels like the universe in manifesting good things on my behalf*.
> 
> It's like suddenly things in my mind have clicked. Despite the heartache, I am thankful for the healing/personal growth that has followed the ending of marriage. I feel it now more than ever.


I get that feelings every single morning! Such a clear moment of awareness. I am glad you are realizing your journey. We all have a journey we must follow alone. 
Good luck with the new guy 



FeministInPink said:


> I'm reading this book right now, and I read that passage a few days ago, and it really struck a chord with me. *I realized that I spent a lot of time trying to be the "cool girl" and that it was all wasted energy, and wasn't fair to myself. * I'm generally a pretty laid back person, and I let a lot of things slide, because I really don't care. But then I felt compelled to let things go, things that I really WASN'T OK with, and I've learned that's something I've got to stop. *If something bothers me, I need to say something, and I've been putting that into practice. Sometimes with positive results, sometimes... not*.


Absolutely!!! Only those of us who have not been as vocal with the things we do not like, feel the resonance of your words. I was that. It seems that although we are not dating much, we are learning a lot about ourselves. Which is absolutely great in my book!! I am the girl who think she is better than everyone else, I am the girl who likes to keep control, who goes on preemptive emotional warfare. I am the girl who will use you for her own emotional well being, but will feel bad afterwards. I am that girl who will string you along, but the moment you have a serious girlfriend she will smile and be happy. I am the girl who is not a very nice woman. I am the girl who doesnt have much regards for your feelings, because I can control YOUR feellings with my actions (weird huh?)

Oh, I have learned much about myself and I do not like it. I have finally accepted that I am a manipulator sometimes (lived with one for so long, I developed some bad habits) 
I will change what I do not like about my inner core. 



Healer said:


> I decided not to contact my former lover for a booty call, even though it was very tempting. Move forward instead. I have a date Monday with a gal I met on Tinder - 2 of my band mates are friends of her's and say good things. I guess she was at a gig a couple months back but I didn't meet her.
> 
> In my profile for things I enjoy I have "room temperature and eating paste". After we arranged the date she typed "Ok, I have to know, eating paste? What kind of paste? It's freaking me out!". So I told her "oh, anchovy, tomato, the stuff kindergarten kids use to stick stuff to paper...". Later she texted saying "yay, you'll be my first Tinder date". I replied "you'll be my second, but the first one was a dude, so that doesn't count". She laughed. I have to make sure a woman can handle my nonsense before I commit to meeting her.
> 
> I've got a couple other online dates lined up too. Back to it. My company holds a huge, extravagant x-mas party every year - always a major spectacle. I didn't go last year - wasn't seeing anyone at the time and didn't want to go solo (although it's probably a great place to meet other singles). This year it would be nice to take someone I actually dig. We'll see.


Good for you!


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Even then, there are no guarantees it won't explode (as you know). Hence the fear of commitment after a horribly failed marriage. Trust is hard to reestablish.


Oh I'm totally with you. At the same time, I think the signs were there before my marriage that it wasn't going to work, and I would be able to recognize those signs now. I get that things can change in a totally unexpected way in a relationship, but from reading all the stories on TAM, I think a lot of things could be chalked up to the signs being there but people not paying attention or asking the right questions.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Healer said:
> 
> 
> 
> Even then, there are no guarantees it won't explode (as you know). Hence the fear of commitment after a horribly failed marriage. Trust is hard to reestablish.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I'm totally with you. At the same time, *I think the signs were there before my marriage that it wasn't going to work, and I would be able to recognize those signs now.* I get that things can change in a totally unexpected way in a relationship, but from reading all the stories on TAM, I think a lot of things could be chalked up to the signs being there but people not paying attention or asking the right questions.
Click to expand...

I think this applies to a lot of people, myself included. There were signs that I ignored, that I overlooked, that _I didn't know were signs at the time_.

I know better now. I've learned a lot in the last ~2 years, and I'm still learning. I'm learning better ways of doing, seeing, and communicating. Better ways of being.

I don't think it's trusting another person that's a problem. I still trust my best friend and I still trust my sister; I've made new friends since my divorce, and I've had no problem trusting these newer people in my life.

I think the bigger hurdle is learning to trust myself again, and to trust my instincts/interpretation of a situation. Knowing whether or not to trust another person is pretty easy, if you can trust yourself to recognize the red flags and ferret out the baddies. But if you can't trust yourself, you'll either never fully trust other people again, or you'll perpetuate the cycle by putting your trust in the wrong people.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Absolutely!!! Only those of us who have not been as vocal with the things we do not like, feel the resonance of your words. I was that. It seems that although we are not dating much, we are learning a lot about ourselves. Which is absolutely great in my book!! I am the girl who think she is better than everyone else, I am the girl who likes to keep control, who goes on preemptive emotional warfare. I am the girl who will use you for her own emotional well being, but will feel bad afterwards. I am that girl who will string you along, but the moment you have a serious girlfriend she will smile and be happy. I am the girl who is not a very nice woman. I am the girl who doesnt have much regards for your feelings, because I can control YOUR feellings with my actions (weird huh?)
> 
> Oh, I have learned much about myself and I do not like it. I have finally accepted that I am a manipulator sometimes (lived with one for so long, I developed some bad habits)
> I will change what I do not like about my inner core.


*Was*, Ne. Not "am." *WAS*.

As in, _I *WAS* the girl who think she is better than everyone else, I *WAS* the girl who likes to keep control, who goes on preemptive emotional warfare. _Etc. Etc.

Make it past tense, Ne. Recognizing that you need to change your behavior means you're already doing it.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> All I can say this morning is "F'n wow!".


:smthumbup:

Enjoy, my dear.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Oh I'm totally with you. At the same time, I think the signs were there before my marriage that it wasn't going to work, and I would be able to recognize those signs now. I get that things can change in a totally unexpected way in a relationship, but from reading all the stories on TAM, I think a lot of things could be chalked up to the signs being there but people not paying attention or asking the right questions.


That's for sure. Red flags - I think when you're young you're colorblind.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I think this applies to a lot of people, myself included. There were signs that I ignored, that I overlooked, that _I didn't know were signs at the time_.
> 
> I know better now. I've learned a lot in the last ~2 years, and I'm still learning. I'm learning better ways of doing, seeing, and communicating. Better ways of being.
> 
> I don't think it's trusting another person that's a problem. I still trust my best friend and I still trust my sister; I've made new friends since my divorce, and I've had no problem trusting these newer people in my life.
> 
> I think the bigger hurdle is learning to trust myself again, and to trust my instincts/interpretation of a situation. Knowing whether or not to trust another person is pretty easy, if you can trust yourself to recognize the red flags and ferret out the baddies. But if you can't trust yourself, you'll either never fully trust other people again, or you'll perpetuate the cycle by putting your trust in the wrong people.


Well put. I don't know if I can trust myself to trust myself right now. :-\


----------



## Healer

I just went downstairs to one of the food joints where this pretty blonde thing works, who I had thought was maybe a little flirty before. She definitely was this time. She started a conversation with me while she was still serving the person before me in line. Hmm. So I asked how her day was. She said "they're training me at the coffee bar - those people are mean! Not like the people that come to this line (smiles)". We chatted a little more then I bolted. I think I'll go back for lunch and straight up ask her out for coffee. Although I don't want to get her in trouble...they probably wouldn't like it if she stopped in the middle of the lunch rush to give some customer her digits (assuming she's interested). Any ideas on how to do this? Maybe go after the lunch rush...I did after all just eat a late breaky.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well put. I don't know if I can trust myself to trust myself right now. :-\


It takes time and focus. I think it's kind of like learning to drive a manual transmission car after driving an automatic for years.

You're essentially re-learning how to drive a car, right? And at first, you're hyper vigilant, paying really close attention to everything you do, and everything you do is done deliberately. Sometimes you screw up, and you release the clutch too quick and stall out, or you slam on the brakes without engaging the clutch and stall out. 

But over time, changing gears beings to feel intuitive, and you stop watching the RPMs, you just listen to the sound of the motor. You learn the best time to downshift so the car doesn't jump when you release the clutch.

And then, eventually, you don't even need to listen to the engine anymore. You just DO subconsciously, like you're one with the car. You don't have to pay attention because you trust yourself and your faculties to drive the car.

I think trusting yourself again is kind of like that, when you've relearned your bad behaviors and trained yourself in better behaviors, and those better behaviors have become automatic and intuitive. When you no longer have to consciously make yourself choose better behaviors, when you just DO it, then you trust yourself again.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Well put. I don't know if I can trust myself to trust myself right now. :-\


I know you are serious, but this made me giggle sooo hard!!

I trust myself NOT to trust myself


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> It takes time and focus. I think it's kind of like learning to drive a manual transmission car after driving an automatic for years.
> 
> You're essentially re-learning how to drive a car, right? And at first, you're hyper vigilant, paying really close attention to everything you do, and everything you do is done deliberately. Sometimes you screw up, and you release the clutch too quick and stall out, or you slam on the brakes without engaging the clutch and stall out.
> 
> But over time, changing gears beings to feel intuitive, and you stop watching the RPMs, you just listen to the sound of the motor. You learn the best time to downshift so the car doesn't jump when you release the clutch.
> 
> And then, eventually, you don't even need to listen to the engine anymore. You just DO subconsciously, like you're one with the car. You don't have to pay attention because you trust yourself and your faculties to drive the car.
> 
> I think trusting yourself again is kind of like that, when you've relearned your bad behaviors and trained yourself in better behaviors, and those better behaviors have become automatic and intuitive. When you no longer have to consciously make yourself choose better behaviors, when you just DO it, then you trust yourself again.


You're an analogy master!


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> I know you are serious, but this made me giggle sooo hard!!
> 
> I trust myself NOT to trust myself


I'm only ever half serious.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> You're an analogy master!


Thanks!  I love analogies... and metaphors, similies, allegories, and all stuff like that. Complete literary nerd right here.

I find that analogies are excellent teaching tools, and are a great way to relate ideas to someone with whom you're having a difficult time communicating.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I'm only ever half serious.


So we can only believe 50% of what you say? lol


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> So we can only believe 50% of what you say? lol


Correct. (Which of course means only 25%).


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Correct. (Which of course means only 25%).


haha
and that in turn only means 12.5%.... and if we continue decreasing your credibility we would end up at 0%.... 
I love it!!!!


----------



## whitehawk

l'm confused .
If all women miss in a relationship is sex, if all they miss living alone is sex and every women in tam has put that first , l've yet to see one that doesn't whenever it comes up - and if all they care about with someone new is sex . And if they can just do the fwb crap , then what does anything else matter ? Why do they even get married or even want relationships ?
Why are they always so up in arms about how some guy is acting or whether he gives a rats , whether he calls , if he text or if he's interested or not,how he treats her , how he acts, l mean what's it matter ? Why does anything matter? Communication , what he does in a marriage , working too much , sees he's mates too often , how he acts, I really don't get why any of that even matters as long as he comes home and screws her pants of because really , that's the first and often only thing any of the women on tam , even mention or say they miss . That's it. Even in the mens club ,every second post is a women asking about sex or penises .
The guys bring up all kinds of things right through tam about what they miss or what's important to them but 9.9 out of 10 women , just bring up sex , first and foremost, that's it.
And so why do 2 out 3 on date sites , mine was anyway , state out loud and clear right there in their profiles , not interested in one night stands , or just sex , or talking dirty , so if that's all your after then move on l'm not the girl for you, 
That was all over profiles on my site , nearly every one, well any of the decent ones anyway .

There are times ,that everything l read about in the singles thread and often in many other areas, contradicts everything l've ever seen and heard , everywhere else , don't get it .
And if they can sex away with just anyone for their fwb stuff , then basically they don't need to feel anything at all about someone all they want is their sex .
So why does anyone even bother , marriage ,all the bs , why don't they just go fk , with anyone ?

Ps, well , as Brave has said it was a bit hard to follow , all l'm wondering is , then why does anything else matter.Yet there's 100s of pages here about all the hooking up , dating and guy troubles.
But why even bother getting married or looking for or going through the whole date and relationship thing, why don't they just have sex ? Seems to be the only thing that matters to them .
And no it's not from anything like triggers or anything else as l just said to Brave , it's just an observation that's all.
My marriage had many many huge important facets and so does my relationship with T .
As a matter of fact , T mentions about twice a wk how much she just loves talking to me and my ex always mentioned all sorts of things , well until sheet started hitting the fan anyway . So no it's not coming from private issues or anything else , just pure observation .


----------



## bravenewworld

whitehawk said:


> l'm confused .
> If all women miss in a relationship is sex, if all they miss living alone is sex and every women in tam has put that first , l've yet to see one that doesn't whenever it comes up - and if all they care about with someone new is sex . And if they can just do the fwb crap , then what does anything else matter ? Why do they wanna get married or even want a relationship ?
> Why are they always so up in arms about how some guy is acting or whether he gives a rats , whether he calls , if he text or if he's interested or not,how he treats her , how he acts, l mean what's it matter ? Why does anything matter? Communication , what he does in a marriage , working too much , sees he's mates too often , how he acts, I really don't get why any of that even matters as long as he comes home and screws her pants of because really , that is all any of the women on tam , ever mention or say they miss . That's it.
> The guys bring up all kinds of things but 9.9 out of 10 women , just bring up sex , first and foremost, that's it.
> And so why do 2 out 3 on date sites , mine was anyway , state out loud and clear right there in their profiles , not interested in one night stands , or just sex , or talking dirty , so if that's all your after then move on l'm not the girl for you,
> That was all over profiles on my site , nearly everyone, well any of the decent ones anyway .
> 
> There are times ,that everything l read about in the singles thread , contradicts everything l've seen and heard , everywhere else , don't get it .
> And , if all they really care about is sex , wtf does anything else matter in a marriage ?


I found your post a little hard to follow WH, but I'll try to respond. First off, I don't think EVERY woman on TAM puts sex first. I feel like the general attitude is that sex is like showering: You can physically go without it, but if too much time passes, you start to feel funky. For me personally, it's biological. Doesn't mean I have to have it, but most healthy adult women do have urges just like any man would. 

Also, I don't think sex is all anyone cares about with someone new - it's probably just one of the more exciting things to talk about, hence why it is often brought up on the singles thread. I mean, is anyone going to want to read about how someone's date picked them up at 8:01pm on the dot or wore their favorite brand of khaki's? 

I personally know I have posted about someone I was dating who did screw my pants off BUT the communication sucked and that's why I broke it off. Perhaps you are glossing over those threads. I think women (and men!) here do tend to make fairly detailed posts on how people are acting/treating us because we are trying to figure it out. It's hard to get married young, lose your identity, and have to figure out the dating thing all over again. It's nice to have a community of support and feedback to fall back on. 

The fact that all you can see in a sea of thoughtful and multifaceted posts about dating and relationships is "all women on TAM want is sex" honestly says a lot more about your mindset than the thread itself. Not judging, just curious if something is triggering or frustrating you as of late? 

Personally, I am no longer doing the online thing. Don't get me wrong - it's easy, cool, and fun BUT I am kind of sick of people saying they are one way and behaving another. I don't think they are deliberately lying but it gets old fast. When meeting someone the old fashioned way at least I get to observe their behavior right off the bat!


----------



## whitehawk

Thanks for trying that one brave and ps , l'll go over it and try to word it better.
But nope , no glossing , no triggers , generalizing , it's just how it's read, for two yrs .
Tell you what , just look through here or find any posts about what we miss about being in relationships or married , and that's it , that's what all the women say , first and foremost , even in this thread. Check it all if you can be bothered , all the forums , posts and threads that have anything to do with any of what l was saying , and there it is .
And mostly what every women here talks about .
Can't shoot the messenger :rofl: , it's just how it reads.


And considering most of the guys in tam were trying to work out their marriage wows to begin with , then all the books , all the advice , yet sex , sex is everywhere . Go read , it's nothing to do with me it's just there , everywhere .


----------



## whitehawk

PS , what you were saying about the online date stuff ! You know l found the exact same thing as you described , over and over. At times l thought l must be going a bit nuts.

Very weird and how odd , if one was to take it seriously , that my gf now and the only other normal and big thing l'd encountered since being single , bar one online maybe , have both been RL meets and totally opposite to any of the online encounters .
So strange as compared , suddenly everything was normal or as you'd expect again , even with T now , from day one.
l honestly think fr the guys here that have some how managed to meet something real from online , really , it was just their lucky day , really was.

l think the way people see themselves and given the opportunity to grandstand a bit for their 15mins of fame on a date site , blurs into surreal for them tbh .


----------



## RandomDude

Life has been so uneventful bah!

Yet, coming to appreciate its tranquility and peace these few months.


----------



## vi_bride04

Well WH, I'm going to give you my reasoning for only screwing with no relationship. I don't want the hassle of having to compromise my time or wants/needs for another person. I am not ready to open up emotionally to anyone yet and I seriously enjoy sex. I know how to get myself off with a male partner. Why should I give up sex just cuz I don't want to be in a relationship. That's just silly. I know where I'm at emotionally and a relationship is not appealing to me at all at the moment. Dating isn't even on the radar. It's not worth the hassle of trying to find someone worth being in a relationship with when it will probably just end in heartache anyways.


----------



## whitehawk

Nice one RD ,lap it up mate hu !


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Well WH, I'm going to give you my reasoning for only screwing with no relationship. I don't want the hassle of having to compromise my time or wants/needs for another person. I am not ready to open up emotionally to anyone yet and I seriously enjoy sex. I know how to get myself off with a male partner. Why should I give up sex just cuz I don't want to be in a relationship. That's just silly. I know where I'm at emotionally and a relationship is not appealing to me at all at the moment. Dating isn't even on the radar. It's not worth the hassle of trying to find someone worth being in a relationship with when it will probably just end in heartache anyways.



Thanks Vi , and you basically just summed up my point.
Anyway ,tell you another wittle observation.
edited ,, bc l don't think it came across right .


----------



## FeministInPink

I think Vi offers one answer, and it makes a lot of sense after coming out of a relationship/marriage, and I'm sure that it applies to many women.

Another answer is that, for many women, sex is MORE than just sex. Missing/wanting sex can also be about wanting to connect with another person on the most basic, primal of levels. Especially if you're someone whose primary love language is physical touch. And all those other things that you mention--talking to a spouse, companionship, etc... many women can fill those emotional needs with their friends and family. That isn't to say that they DON'T miss those components of a relationship; they probably do, but feel it less acutely because they can get those meets met through other relationships in their life. But SEX, that physical connection to another perwon, that's the one need that cannot be met by a friend.

Men don't seem to have those same close friendships in the way that women do, so that may be why they appear conversely to you. A man might miss talking to his ex-spouse because she's the only person with whom he'd ever felt safe opening up and being vulnerable. When a marriage breaks up, very few men have someone who can fill that emotional void.

I also think that our society (my society, US) doesn't recognize the importance of sex in a marriage/relationship. Women aren't supposed to want sex, and if we do, we're called a s1ut or a wh0re. TAM is a safe place where women can express this wholly natural need, without feeling that they're going to be judged or called names.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> l'm confused .
> If all women miss in a relationship is sex, if all they miss living alone is sex and every women in tam has put that first , l've yet to see one that doesn't whenever it comes up - and if all they care about with someone new is sex . And if they can just do the fwb crap , then what does anything else matter ? Why do they even get married or even want relationships ?
> Why are they always so up in arms about how some guy is acting or whether he gives a rats , whether he calls , if he text or if he's interested or not,how he treats her , how he acts, l mean what's it matter ? Why does anything matter? Communication , what he does in a marriage , working too much , sees he's mates too often , how he acts, I really don't get why any of that even matters as long as he comes home and screws her pants of because really , that's the first and often only thing any of the women on tam , even mention or say they miss . That's it. Even in the mens club ,every second post is a women asking about sex or penises .
> The guys bring up all kinds of things right through tam about what they miss or what's important to them but 9.9 out of 10 women , just bring up sex , first and foremost, that's it.
> And so why do 2 out 3 on date sites , mine was anyway , state out loud and clear right there in their profiles , not interested in one night stands , or just sex , or talking dirty , so if that's all your after then move on l'm not the girl for you,
> That was all over profiles on my site , nearly every one, well any of the decent ones anyway .
> 
> There are times ,that everything l read about in the singles thread and often in many other areas, contradicts everything l've ever seen and heard , everywhere else , don't get it .
> And if they can sex away with just anyone for their fwb stuff , then basically they don't need to feel anything at all about someone all they want is their sex .
> So why does anyone even bother , marriage ,all the bs , why don't they just go fk , with anyone ?
> 
> Ps, well , as Brave has said it was a bit hard to follow , all l'm wondering is , then why does anything else matter.Yet there's 100s of pages here about all the hooking up , dating and guy troubles.
> But why even bother getting married or looking for or going through the whole date and relationship thing, why don't they just have sex ? Seems to be the only thing that matters to them .
> And no it's not from anything like triggers or anything else as l just said to Brave , it's just an observation that's all.
> My marriage had many many huge important facets and so does my relationship with T .
> As a matter of fact , T mentions about twice a wk how much she just loves talking to me and my ex always mentioned all sorts of things , well until sheet started hitting the fan anyway . So no it's not coming from private issues or anything else , just pure observation .


WH why does it matter? You don't need to solve her problems. You are suppose to be in this for yourself. Be yourself and if a woman doesn't fit in with what you need then you don't want her plain and simple, don't polish it, don't try to make it something it is not. Just move on.
Fall in line with her expectations of what she wants you to mold into and she will just lose respect for you and resent you sooner or later anyway.


----------



## Twistedheart

I am 38 and it does seem true that we have been taught that women are not supposed to want and crave sex.....Thank gawd you ladies are changing that image. I love you all!! Nothing hawtter than being with a woman who is as active as I am in bed. Some of yall are animals and it's great!!! Nothing worse than being with a dead fish.

*Animals as in you know exactly what you want and where and arent afraid to say so.


----------



## Jellybeans

whitehawk said:


> l'm confused .
> If all women miss in a relationship is sex, if all they miss living alone is sex and every women in tam has put that first , l've yet to see one that doesn't whenever it comes up - and if all they care about with someone new is sex





bravenewworld said:


> First off, I don't think EVERY woman on TAM puts sex first.


Thank you for answering for me. 

WH - blanket statements are no good.



whitehawk said:


> And so why do 2 out 3 on date sites , mine was anyway , state out loud and clear right there in their profiles , not interested in one night stands , or just sex , or talking dirty , so if that's all your after then move on l'm not the girl for you,


Why? Ask them. Isn't it better to know up front they do n't want to just bang if you are looking for the opposite?


----------



## movealong

Twistedheart said:


> I am 38 and it does seem true that we have been taught that women are not supposed to want and crave sex.....Thank gawd you ladies are changing that image. I love you all!! Nothing hawtter than being with a woman who is as active as I am in bed. Some of yall are animals and it's great!!! Nothing worse than being with a dead fish.
> 
> *Animals as in you know exactly what you want and where and arent afraid to say so.


I always felt like having sex with the XW was what it would be like to use a blow up doll. Put it in position, aim, do your business and get on with going to sleep. Sounds harsh, but it was how I felt about our "intimacy". 

Contrast that with a woman that wants sex, knows her body, tells you by her reactions when you're hitting it just right, and there is no comparison. In two nights HS and I have already done more exploring and playful things than XW and I did the first 2 years. And the most fantastic part? She wants to "please" me as much as I want to "please' her.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I always felt like having sex with the XW was what it would be like to use a blow up doll. Put it in position, aim, do your business and get on with going to sleep. Sounds harsh, but it was how I felt about our "intimacy".
> 
> In two nights HS and I have already done more exploring and playful things than XW and I did the first 2 years. And the most fantastic part? She wants to "please" me as much as I want to "please' her.


That really sucks if your entire sex life with your ex was that way from the beginning! With the new gal, you guys are, well, new, so everything feels more exciting and different/passionate. I guess the key is that if you aren't sexually compatible with someone, do not pass go. No point in dragging dating/relationship out long-term if you know from the beginning you aren't sexually aligned. I have never understood why people marry folks if they aren't sexually compatible from the beginning. It's kind of a big deal. 

I am happy you are getting some, movealong!


----------



## ne9907

Sex
What is sex?

I am a bit on the vanilla side of sex, I experimented a lot with ex husband, but he was always afraid of hurting me. It was as if he thought I was a virginal woman who needed to be treated with respect even in sexual situations. 

After a while, our sex life drained. Part of it, was my fault, since I should have found more ways to make our love making hot. However, ex husband would say things which would make me feel dirty about wanting sex.

I do not have a lot of experience post ex husband. Only Blue. He was really good. I used him, because most of the sex was all about me. I made sure he got off of course. I also asked for many things ex husband never did. The sex part of our relationship was more like a marathon session. It was pretty fvcking awesome. It bothers me a bit that I do not miss having sex with him, but I do miss our conversations.


----------



## Healer

This thread is a fantastic resource for both men and women. Kudos to you all for your honesty and insights.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am a bit on the vanilla side of sex, I experimented a lot with ex husband, but he was always afraid of hurting me. It* was as if he thought I was a virginal woman who needed to be treated with respect even in sexual situations.*


For some reason this made me laugh. Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> I always felt like having sex with the XW was what it would be *like to use a blow up doll. Put it in position, aim, do your business and get on with going to slee*p. Sounds harsh, but it was how I felt about our "intimacy".





ne9907 said:


> I am a bit on the vanilla side of sex, I experimented a lot with ex husband, but he was always afraid of hurting me. *It was as if he thought I was a virginal woman who needed to be treated with respect even in sexual situations. *


My XH was a strange combo of these two about sex after we got engaged/married. It was as if the thought of me as a sexual being with my own needs and desires offended him in some way. He didn't _want _me to do anything. If I tried to "go on the offensive" while we were in bed and do anything other than aforementioned, he would suddenly lose all interest, and he wasn't "in the mood" anymore. By that point, sex was so infrequent that I was just like, I guess I have to take what I can get, because this opportunity isn't going to come around again for at least another month.

Gee, I wonder why our marriage didn't last? 

(And WH, while sex was a REALLY BIG ISSUE, it wasn't the only reason...)


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> For some reason this made me laugh. Lol.


Seriously! I was his wife!! 

He has a lot of hung ups about sex.... the only hang up I have is that I feel if I have sex with someone too early (like first date) they will not respect me or want something serious with me. However, this is not always the case. Case and point: Navy guy. No sex and he is just not into me.


Yeah, I discussed this with my therapist.


----------



## Jellybeans

I can't imagine being married to someone and they get offended that you want to have sex. What is that?!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I can't imagine being married to someone and they get offended that you want to have sex. What is that?!


I was married to someone like that...

Dude, in resprospective, I am glad he was like that. If our sex life had been good, I would have never left. I needed to leave.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I can't imagine being married to someone and they get offended that you want to have sex. What is that?!


I never said it made sense.

Edit: WTH do you think I divorced him??? Next I'm getting married, we're having sex all the time. I'm writing it into the vows.

Edit #2: He was so LD and I was so HD, there may have been some underlying issues with him thinking he could never satisfy me. I think it might have something to do with that, as if by rejecting me, it takes away the risk of him not performing up to par, or something like that.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Next I'm getting married, we're having sex all the time. I'm writing it into the vows.


:rofl::smthumbup:

Love this.

"I promise to love you forever and bang your brains out every night."


----------



## movealong

HS and I talked a bit about the whole "marriage" thing as both of us have been through it before. It came up in the getting to know each other part of the conversation regarding marriage history. The things we agree on:

There isn't any damn rush
A partnership sounds better
No sex is a deal breaker
Make up sex is mandatory after any disagreement (not just an argument, lol)


----------



## Another Planet

Whats worse then pairing a low drive with a high drive sex person...throw in LD SO using sex as a manipulation tool. Easiest way to destroy a HD persons self esteem/worth. Why? I think a lot of HD people relate sex to love...I know I do.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Whats worse then pairing a low drive with a high drive sex person...throw in LD SO using sex as a manipulation tool. Easiest way to destroy a HD persons self esteem/worth. Why? I think a lot of HD people relate sex to love...I know I do.


Ding ding ding!!!! You hit the nail on the head, brother!


----------



## firebelly1

I may be one that WH was referring to. I said the thing I miss about relationship is having a man in my bed. But it isn't the only thing. It's just the immediate thing. It's just like in relationship. When you aren't having sex, it's a really, really important thing. When you are satisfied sexually, you focus on other things. 

And it's easy to talk about. There's a thread going in the Ladies Lounge right now asking women what's the "one" thing their husbands do that makes them feel really special and loved. A lot of the women say their man does things like walk on the outside of the sidewalk or hold her hand or place their hands on the small of their backs when they are helping them into a car. I started reading that and just was so jealous. Not only do I not have any of that now, I didn't when I was married. 

I'm not adequately recovered from my divorce to tell you those are the things I miss because when I think about them they make me sad.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> I'm not adequately recovered from my divorce to tell you those are the things I miss because when I think about them they make me sad.


There are a LOT of things you miss that you dont even realize, because you were so miserable in your marriage that you have forgotten all about them!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I was married to someone like that...
> 
> Dude, in resprospective, I am glad he was like that. If our sex life had been good, I would have never left. I needed to leave.


That's unbelievable because you're gorgeous. If we were married you'd have to keep a nine iron with you at all times.


----------



## bandit.45

I love dieting. Oh I juuuuuuust loooove it!

Mmmmmm kale. Yummy kale....


Gnarf, gnarf, gnarf, munch munch.....mmmmm...mmmmm......mmmmmooooooooooooo!


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> I may be one that WH was referring to. I said the thing I miss about relationship is having a man in my bed. But it isn't the only thing. It's just the immediate thing. It's just like in relationship. When you aren't having sex, it's a really, really important thing. When you are satisfied sexually, you focus on other things.
> 
> And it's easy to talk about. There's a thread going in the Ladies Lounge right now asking women what's the "one" thing their husbands do that makes them feel really special and loved. A lot of the women say their man does things like walk on the outside of the sidewalk or hold her hand or place their hands on the small of their backs when they are helping them into a car. I started reading that and just was so jealous. Not only do I not have any of that now, I didn't when I was married.
> 
> I'm not adequately recovered from my divorce to tell you those are the things I miss because when I think about them they make me sad.



C'mon. Men are just objects to you. You use us for your pleasure and throw us out like so much trash.....:nono:


----------



## firebelly1

Ok. You got me.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I may be one that WH was referring to. I said the thing I miss about relationship is having a man in my bed. But it isn't the only thing. It's just the immediate thing. It's just like in relationship. When you aren't having sex, it's a really, really important thing. When you are satisfied sexually, you focus on other things.
> 
> And it's easy to talk about. There's a thread going in the Ladies Lounge right now asking women what's the "one" thing their husbands do that makes them feel really special and loved. A lot of the women say their man does things like walk on the outside of the sidewalk or hold her hand or place their hands on the small of their backs when they are helping them into a car. I started reading that and just was so jealous. Not only do I not have any of that now, I didn't when I was married.
> 
> I'm not adequately recovered from my divorce to tell you those are the things I miss because when I think about them they make me sad.


I would miss all of those sort of things, too, if my XH had ever done anything like that for me! So it makes me sad for never having had them, I guess.

As more time and space passes between me and my marriage, I begin to wonder why I ever married him in the first place. (That's a rhetorical question. I know the answer, so no need to analyze, that's already been done. I think it's more of a "look how far I've come" sort of thought/observation.)

And regarding the women in that thread, Firebelly? I'll bet one of two things applies: 1) they're also getting laid on a regular basis, so they don't even think to say, "I really like that he fvcks my brains out on a regular basis!" or 2) they're NOT getting laid on a regular basis, and they're finding something else to talk about, so they can keep up with Mrs. Jones.

A lot of women won't brag about how much they're getting, but they also won't admit it if they're not getting any.

But I don't think that WH was talking specifically about you. If he was interested in talking about one person, I doubt he would have made sweeping generalizations about our gender.

Besides, I think the majority (if not all!) of the women on our thread here are a pretty randy bunch. He could have just as easily been talking about me. Or Vi. Or Ne. Or JB (although she has a little more class than the rest of us, because she goes out and gets laid and doesn't tell us all about it).


----------



## bravenewworld

movealong said:


> HS and I talked a bit about the whole "marriage" thing as both of us have been through it before. It came up in the getting to know each other part of the conversation regarding marriage history. The things we agree on:
> 
> There isn't any damn rush
> A partnership sounds better
> No sex is a deal breaker
> *Make up sex is mandatory after any disagreement (not just an argument*, lol)


HS: "Honey, I bought the Cheerios."

MA: ::Gasp:: "These aren't honey nut! Guess there's only one way to settle this - sex."

:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> And it's easy to talk about. There's a thread going in the Ladies Lounge right now asking women what's the "one" thing their husbands do that makes them feel really special and loved. A lot of the women say their man does things like* walk on the outside of the sidewalk *or hold her hand or place their hands on the small of their backs when they are helping them into a car. I started reading that and just was so jealous. Not only do I not have any of that now, I didn't when I was married.
> 
> I'm not adequately recovered from my divorce to tell you those are the things I miss because when I think about them they make me sad.


My ex never did any of those things. Navy guy did that walking on the outside of the curb. Blue used to do a lot of things that I liked and makes me want to be in a relationship, like feeling me ice cream in bed or stuff like that. Mostly with food haha! I love sweets after sex...



bandit.45 said:


> That's unbelievable because you're gorgeous. If we were married you'd have to keep a nine iron with you at all times.


Thank you Bandit! 
After I left my husband, I was actually surprised men were attracted to me. I still find it a bit odd whenever they find me attractive. I want to ask "what is wrong with you that you find me appealing?" but that is just crazy talk


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> After I left my husband, I was actually surprised men were attracted to me. I still find it a bit odd whenever they find me attractive. I want to ask "what is wrong with you that you find me appealing?" but that is just crazy talk


Me, too!!! It takes a conscious effort to shake that mindset after escaping an emotionally manipulative relationship. (Not to mention the number my mom did on me as a kid.) I feel like I've got a pretty good handle on it now, but it took a long time. And every once in a while it pops up when I'm not being vigilant.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> My ex never did any of those things. Navy guy did that walking on the outside of the curb. Blue used to do a lot of things that I liked and makes me want to be in a relationship, like feeling me ice cream in bed or stuff like that. Mostly with food haha! I love sweets after sex...
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you Bandit!
> After I left my husband, I was actually surprised men were attracted to me. I still find it a bit odd whenever they find me attractive. I want to ask "what is wrong with you that you find me appealing?" but that is just crazy talk


I like watching Start Trek reruns after sex....don't know why...

You were surprised men were attratcted to you because your husband starved you for affection. It's like being caught out on a life raft eating seaweed and dead fish for six weeks, then being taken to a Mexican buffet... Your mind is in shock. You can't absorb it.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> You were surprised men were attratcted to you because your husband starved you for affection. It's like being caught out on a life raft eating seaweed and dead fish for six weeks, then being taken to a Mexican buffet... Your mind is in shock. You can't absorb it.


That... makes a LOT of sense. Bandit, you're so smart.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> That... makes a LOT of sense. Bandit, you're so smart.


I know! 

I'm humble too....


----------



## Healer

bandit.45 said:


> I like watching Start Trek reruns after sex....don't know why...
> 
> You were surprised men were attratcted to you because your husband starved you for affection. It's like being caught out on a life raft eating seaweed and dead fish for six weeks, then being taken to a Mexican buffet... Your mind is in shock. You can't absorb it.


And you get sick to your pants.


----------



## bandit.45

Healer said:


> And you get sick to your pants.


...and sleepy.


----------



## bandit.45

Is there anything better than eating a big Mexican meal for lunch on Sunday, then spending the afternoon sleeping it off?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> WH why does it matter? You don't need to solve her problems. You are suppose to be in this for yourself. Be yourself and if a woman doesn't fit in with what you need then you don't want her plain and simple, don't polish it, don't try to make it something it is not. Just move on.
> Fall in line with her expectations of what she wants you to mold into and she will just lose respect for you and resent you sooner or later anyway.


Ap , sometimes your a funny ******. l said mate it has nothing to do with my personal sitches , it's an outside observation .
If any women of mine said that's all she missed then l wouldn't even be with her.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Ap , sometimes your a funny ******. l said mate it has nothing to do with my personal sitches , it's an outside observation .
> If any women of mine said that's all she missed then l wouldn't even be with her.


Do you feel it's only a problem for women? I know lots of guys who think with the same sex & no relationship mindset.

And what is particularly wrong with that mindset? You seem to act like it's a bad thing


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> There are a LOT of things you miss that you dont even realize, because you were so miserable in your marriage that you have forgotten all about them!


A few months after I filed for divorce I met a girl and we got a hotel room. When we were getting dressed I grabbed my jeans and some change fell out and she knelt down to help pick it up.....I WAS ABSOLUTELY FLOORED!!! It sounds like the dumbest thing to get all excited about but my exwife wouldn't do anything and I mean anything for me from little to big she wouldn't do a fvckn thing for me, she would go out of her way to make sure. That is how damaged I was 

OMG just thinking about that makes me love my GF that much more, she would do anything for me...and I mean anything   :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

Jellybeans said:


> For some reason this made me laugh. Lol.


Me too , can't say as l've ever had that worry , if she can still walk the next day l'm disappointed :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> A few months after I filed for divorce I met a girl and we got a hotel room. When we were getting dressed I grabbed my jeans and some change fell out and she knelt down to help pick it up.....I WAS ABSOLUTELY FLOORED!!! It sounds like the dumbest thing to get all excited about but my exwife wouldn't do anything and I mean anything for me from little to big she wouldn't do a fvckn thing for me, she would go out of her way to make sure. That is how damaged I was
> 
> OMG just thinking about that makes me love my GF that much more, she would do anything for me...and I mean anything   :smthumbup:


I totally get it. Fireman and I went to the grocery store once to pick up supplies for dinner, and he insisted on carrying the basket and the bags, and I had the exact same reaction as you did. Over stupid little sh!t like that, and it makes you realize just how fvcked up things were before.

And some people will say, well those are little things, they don't really matter. But they clearly DO matter. (So don't listen to those people.)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Me too , can't say as l've ever had that worry , if she can still walk the next day l'm disappointed :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> I may be one that WH was referring to. I said the thing I miss about relationship is having a man in my bed. But it isn't the only thing. It's just the immediate thing. It's just like in relationship. When you aren't having sex, it's a really, really important thing. When you are satisfied sexually, you focus on other things.
> 
> And it's easy to talk about. There's a thread going in the Ladies Lounge right now asking women what's the "one" thing their husbands do that makes them feel really special and loved. A lot of the women say their man does things like walk on the outside of the sidewalk or hold her hand or place their hands on the small of their backs when they are helping them into a car. I started reading that and just was so jealous. Not only do I not have any of that now, I didn't when I was married.
> 
> I'm not adequately recovered from my divorce to tell you those are the things I miss because when I think about them they make me sad.



Nah , wasn't anyone in particular FB , everyone .
Thre was another thread started ages ago to about what you miss and , same thing. All the guys said this and that , every women in that thread said sex, and it was usually first on their list if not their only thing on their list.
A lot of the guys in that thread were a bit dismayed to . Here they were wondering all sorts of stuff about their marriage falling apart , yet it all sounded like nothing else mattered anyway so to hell with the rest.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> Ap , sometimes your a funny ******. l said mate it has nothing to do with my personal sitches , it's an outside observation .
> If any women of mine said that's all she missed then l wouldn't even be with her.


I am trying to remember my exact thought at that moment.....
I think it was a combination of that one generalized post you made when you were irritated a couple weeks ago about women and dating also, I think it was about how they had a new guy lined up or something. But anyway it just sounded like you were generalizing again, man you are talking to and involved with just a certain type of woman just like there are different types of men. If you wanted you could find a nice boring girl who likes books and sleep more then sex...trust me they are out there also...and they still like a nice romp just not as often


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I like watching Start Trek reruns after sex....don't know why...
> 
> You were surprised men were attratcted to you because your husband starved you for affection. It's like being caught out on a life raft eating seaweed and dead fish for six weeks, then being taken to a *Mexican buffet*... Your mind is in shock. You can't absorb it.


I am the best Mexican buffet you will ever find


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> I am the best Mexican buffet you will ever find


I bet your taco is especially delicious.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Me too , can't say as l've ever had that worry , if she can still walk the next day l'm disappointed :rofl:


Perhaps I am in top physical shape or I can take a banging (oops) but only twice I have been sore after sex....


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> I bet your taco is especially delicious.


haha, this escalated quickly! I am about to run and hide under the blankets!!!


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> haha, this escalated quickly! I am about to run and hide under the blankets!!!


You can't out-perv the master.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> You can't out-perv the master.


:iagree: totally!

Although do you know that Mexican cream people put on tacos?

.... nm


----------



## ne9907

Someone got scared and deleted his last post!

Anyway.... I am off to Vegas to celebrate Halloween. I am going to be Wonder Woman!!!

I shall get drunk in (all of you) honor~


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Someone got scared and deleted his last post!
> 
> Anyway.... I am off to Vegas to celebrate Halloween. I am going to be Wonder Woman!!!
> 
> I shall get drunk in (all of you) honor~


Post a pic of you in the Wonder Woman costume! She's my fave, obvs.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Do you feel it's only a problem for women? I know lots of guys who think with the same sex & no relationship mindset.
> 
> And what is particularly wrong with that mindset? You seem to act like it's a bad thing


Nooo, it surprises me a lot though .
Yeah there's guys like that but not all , it's usually the guys pointing out other things in the relationship , seen it100s times .
Anyway , think l've explained enough.


----------



## whitehawk

l will say one thing though and maybe it has something to do with what l tried to say, dunno.
But there doesn't seem to be many women around Tam that actually had a good marriage before things turned to [email protected] , so maybe that's why .
Mine was so so different , there was soooo much to it and we both admit the best and often mind blowing yrs of our life with stuff l think these days most people must only dream of, we;d both said that dozens maybe 100s of times . And sex , my God , l'd be booted offa Tam haha. PS, but there was so much more .
Matter of fact , ex rang me just last night and we got talking about all this very stuff and the old us . Actually , l think she might be swaying a bit - oh nooooo ! All l need .
But we just lost our way through stresses and work , lost ourselves, we both admit that now .

But even things with T now , there's just sooooo much . l wouldn't get into it here or things like that with ex here , it's too deep, but if you ever have it , you'll know .

AP has something like it now with his gf , he might get where l'm coming from.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Perhaps I am in top physical shape or I can take a banging (oops) but only twice I have been sore after sex....


Only twice , you kidden right :scratchhead:
Never met a chick yet that doesn't end up wounded haha , they always get sore , just the way l like it :rofl:
Few days of it though and you end up having to givem a wk off , can't win  . l must admit l am pretty hard on the poor little things though .

PS . It was always funny at home , dad often literally had mum just worn out . She use to get so embarrassed , she was often just all frazzled and it was always a running joke round the house .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I am trying to remember my exact thought at that moment.....
> I think it was a combination of that one generalized post you made when you were irritated a couple weeks ago about women and dating also, I think it was about how they had a new guy lined up or something. But anyway it just sounded like you were generalizing again, man you are talking to and involved with just a certain type of woman just like there are different types of men. If you wanted you could find a nice boring girl who likes books and sleep more then sex...trust me they are out there also...and they still like a nice romp just not as often



Haha. Nothing boring about any girl l hang out with and T ,well l think you guys should've got a few little things about T by now :smthumbup:
Brave touched on some real good points a way back , and this is the internet. Like the date sites l find real life so much different so ya gotta allow to l spose.
And l said all that in the original - you been skippin again AP:smthumbup:
l didn't get peed at whatever , l get peed at stuff you try to say getting twisted every which way , big difference, Matter of fact , l remember way back you going of at the very same thing , and B , and a few others, it happens , no biggie.

Yeah l know , l'm always getting accused of generalizing round here :rofl: . 
Eh, might change my name to " the generalizer" Seriously though , on that one , l beg to differ 
Is that how you say that , or spell it ,anyway, you get my drift .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> A few months after I filed for divorce I met a girl and we got a hotel room. When we were getting dressed I grabbed my jeans and some change fell out and she knelt down to help pick it up.....I WAS ABSOLUTELY FLOORED!!! It sounds like the dumbest thing to get all excited about but my exwife wouldn't do anything and I mean anything for me from little to big she wouldn't do a fvckn thing for me, she would go out of her way to make sure. That is how damaged I was
> 
> OMG just thinking about that makes me love my GF that much more, she would do anything for me...and I mean anything   :smthumbup:


Sounds like you earnt it AP :smthumbup:
Love a good natured girl , love it and it turns me on . All mine , ex included are good natured , l generally have very good taste in women if l do say so myself  .


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I bet your taco is especially delicious.



B , sometimes you are one funny [email protected]@t :smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> Someone got scared and deleted his last post!
> 
> Anyway.... I am off to Vegas to celebrate Halloween. I am going to be Wonder Woman!!!
> 
> I shall get drunk in (all of you) honor~


u talkin bout the last reply to yours , don't be ridiculous . l economized and tied it into another one , Because l'm efficient:smthumbup: , sometimes


----------



## bandit.45

Weird ass thing happened last night. I was asleep, it was around 11:30 and my phone rings and wakes me up. I answer and it's Syrian on the line. 

Understand, I have not texted or spoken to this chick for almost two months since I found out she was playing me. Anyway, she's at a club, I can hear the music and chatter, and she says she was just thinking about me and wanted to chat. 

So we chatted, for about five minutes, about absolutely nothing important, then she was like "I gotta go. Bye!" 

Ughhhhhhh. Man when will I ever learn?


----------



## Jellybeans




----------



## movealong

Happy Halloween!


----------



## bandit.45

Happy Satan Day everybody! Let's all have fun celebrating the Dark Lord.


----------



## Jellybeans

I will pray for you, Bandit.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Happy Satan Day everybody! Let's all have fun celebrating the Dark Lord.


LOL although I am an atheist and don't really care but it is a pagan holiday last time I checked which has nothing to do with the dark lord or as you put him satan.


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> LOL although I am an atheist and don't really care but it is a pagan holiday last time I checked which has nothing to do with the dark lord or as you put him satan.


I prefer Ozzy Osbourne Day.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> LOL although I am an atheist and don't really care but it is a pagan holiday last time I checked which has nothing to do with the dark lord or as you put him satan.


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

C


Another Planet said:


> LOL although I am an atheist and don't really care but it is a pagan holiday last time I checked which has nothing to do with the dark lord or as you put him satan.


I reject your reality and substitute it with my own. 

And yeah, I know your atheist. You've pointed that out like a hundred times.


----------



## bandit.45

No humor at all. Jesus. 


Oops! I took the Lords name in vain.


Oops! Religious reference! Religious reference! OMG! OMG!


----------



## FeministInPink

Well, there ARE some Christians who view all pagan, non-Judeo-Christian religion/theology as Satanic, so...


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Well, there ARE some Christians who view all pagan, non-Judeo-Christian religion/theology as Satanic, so...


Sh!t. If you even dare to mention you're a Christian these days you might as well take your pants off and paint a big red X on your ass.


----------



## Another Planet

Interesting reaction Bandit.
Are you Christian?


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Interesting reaction Bandit.
> Are you Christian?


Recovering Baptist. I don't attend church, but yes...Jesus is my boyfriend. What of it? You got a problem with that?


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Recovering Baptist. I don't attend church, but yes...Jesus is my boyfriend. What of it? You got a problem with that?


Nope not at all. Just was wondering why you reacted that way.
My GF is a recovering Catholic which makes for some enlightening conversation. Mexican Catholic at that so she told me never to talk about my beliefs or lack of I should say. It doesn't bother me one bit though, and it always confused me why it should matter.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Recovering Baptist. I don't attend church, but yes...Jesus is my boyfriend. What of it? You got a problem with that?


Ha ha, those Baptists can be pretty hard-core. I'm a recovering Methodist. These days, I'm pretty much full-on atheist, but I also believe that people should have a right to practice their religion of choice without any interference from people like me (or from anybody else, for that matter).

I don't have a problem with Christians. I know a lot of wonderful people who are Christians. What I DO have a problem with some religious zealots who feel that it's OK to impose their religious beliefs on policy and government/write their beliefs into law, hence infringing on MY rights to believe what I want to believe. Separation of church and state is where it's at.

To paraphrase Neil DeGrasse Tyson, "Keep your religion out of my classroom, and I'll keep my science out your church." It sounds reasonable to me.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Nope not at all. Just was wondering why you reacted that way.
> My GF is a recovering Catholic which makes for some enlightening conversation. Mexican Catholic at that so she told me never to talk about my beliefs or lack of I should say. It doesn't bother me one bit though, and it always confused me why it should matter.


Just don't talk about it around her mom and dad. If she's saying don't do it around her, tell her "Besame el culo". Or "Veyase al demonio". Kiss my....


----------



## Another Planet

Yuppp!


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, those Baptists can be pretty hard-core. I'm a recovering Methodist. These days, I'm pretty much full-on atheist, but I also believe that people should have a right to practice their religion of choice without any interference from people like me (or from anybody else, for that matter).
> 
> I don't have a problem with Christians. I know a lot of wonderful people who are Christians. What I DO have a problem with some religious zealots who feel that it's OK to impose their religious beliefs on policy and government/write their beliefs into law, hence infringing on MY rights to believe what I want to believe. Separation of church and state is where it's at.
> 
> To paraphrase Neil DeGrasse Tyson, "Keep your religion out of my classroom, and I'll keep my science out your church." It sounds reasonable to me.


Methodists are Baptists who can read.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Just don't talk about it around her mom and dad. If she's saying don't do it around her, tell her "Besame el culo". Or "Veyase al demonio". Kiss my....


Yeah I meant I can't talk about it around her family, especially grandparents and especially her dads side 0_0. My GF is agnostic though and she agrees with me for the most part other then spirits and ghosts and paranormal stuff.


----------



## bandit.45

I'm not so much a hardcore Christian as I am a militant libertarian. 

Believe what you want. Don't believe what you want. Worship Jesus. Worship your cat....I don't give a fvck. But the minute you try to impede me from practicing my beliefs....mister....you're going down.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I meant I can't talk about it around her family, especially grandparents and especially her dads side 0_0. My GF is agnostic though and she agrees with me for the most part other then spirits and ghosts and paranormal stuff.


Mexican girls are too much work man. Get yourself a shallow, vacuous white girl. If it doesn't work out, you can divorce her without fear of getting jumped by her brothers.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> My GF is a recovering Catholic


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not so much a hardcore Christian as I am a militant libertarian.
> 
> Believe what you want. Don't believe what you want. Worship Jesus. Worship your cat....I don't give a fvck. But the minute you try to impede me from practicing my beliefs....mister....you're going down.


I don't think Another meant it that way. I think he was being funny... Like, haha, funny.


----------



## bandit.45

Jellybeans said:


> I d on' think Another meant it that way. I think he was being funny... Like, haha, funny.


I'm not in a funny mood today. Sorry. I'll exit.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not in a funny mood today. Sorry. I'll exit.


That phone call from Syrian really fvcked with your head, didn't it?


----------



## firebelly1

Sorry. Every time I see "Syrian" I think "sybian." Guess we know where my mind is.

Speaking of which, I got to try one of these a couple weekends ago. Not as great as I thought it would be, but worth a try.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Weird ass thing happened last night. I was asleep, it was around 11:30 and my phone rings and wakes me up. I answer and it's Syrian on the line.
> 
> Understand, I have not texted or spoken to this chick for almost two months since I found out she was playing me. Anyway, she's at a club, I can hear the music and chatter, and she says she was just thinking about me and wanted to chat.
> 
> So we chatted, for about five minutes, about absolutely nothing important, then she was like "I gotta go. Bye!"
> 
> Ughhhhhhh. Man when will I ever learn?


She is baiting. I do it all the time


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> She is baiting. I do it all the time


She needs to find another fish. I'm starting to move past resentment into hatred and I don't want to go there. She's the one who broke us up, not me. 

Boo hoo. Woe is me. 

Sorry I'm being a buzzkill.


----------



## Healer

Satan is good, Satan is our pal...


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Weird ass thing happened last night. I was asleep, it was around 11:30 and my phone rings and wakes me up. I answer and it's Syrian on the line.
> 
> Understand, I have not texted or spoken to this chick for almost two months since I found out she was playing me. Anyway, she's at a club, I can hear the music and chatter, and she says she was just thinking about me and wanted to chat.
> 
> So we chatted, for about five minutes, about absolutely nothing important, then she was like "I gotta go. Bye!"
> 
> Ughhhhhhh. Man when will I ever learn?


Mind fk B , l know the feeling . My ex rang a few nights back but much more , talked about us and all our stuff. 1 1/2 hours .
Then a bout a wk ago , l went over to get my d and she wasn't home yet.
Ex says oh don't worry about it , come in l'll make you something to eat. D got side tracked and didn't get home for another 3hrs and ex and l just had food , coffee , talked and talked , very weird.
After everything that's happened and 2yrs , here's me and ex ,alone , just talking like that.
D does that now and then , she can be a bit of a [email protected] like that :rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Mind fk B , l know the feeling . My ex rang a few nights back but much more , talked about us and all our stuff. 1 1/2 hours .
> Then a bout a wk ago , l went over to get my d and she wasn't home yet.
> Ex says oh don't worry about it , come in l'll make you something to eat. D got side tracked and didn't get home for another 3hrs and ex and l just had food , coffee , talked and talked , very weird.
> After everything that's happened and 2yrs , here's me and ex ,alone , just talking like that.
> D does that now and then , she can be a bit of a [email protected] like that :rofl:


Bet you had to take a few antacids afterwards. Was it really a two way convo, or just her telling you how much better her life is without you and you absorbing?


----------



## whitehawk

Couldn't tell you what it was tbh , nothing about her life though , or mine , never is l don't talk about that stuff or ask and neither does she .

Maybe it was Syrian Brain fk , l dunno .


----------



## whitehawk

Hey ,least you know she still thinks about ya ,she can't hide that if she rang you from a club like that.


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Couldn't tell you what it was tbh , nothing about her life though , or mine , never is l don't talk about that Dstuff or ask and neither does she .
> 
> Maybe it was Syrian Brain fk , l dunno .


Oh I know. Isn't it sweet? You and her being good friends....despite all the hell she put you through? 

It's just so heartwarming.


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Hey ,least you know she still thinks about ya ,she can't hide that if she rang you from a club like that.


I'd rather her forget me. 

I can't shake the feeling she's going to try to schmooze her way back in.


----------



## bandit.45

I asked her if she was bored because no one was hitting on her....so she called me. She didn't like that.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Oh I know. Isn't it sweet? You and her being good friends....despite all the hell she put you through?
> 
> It's just so heartwarming.


Fk yeah , l can feel the love :rofl:
Weird , if not for keeping things good for my d , l'd be 2,000 miles away now .
Wonder if l'd be getting midnight calls then, actually no l don't


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Fk yeah , l can feel the love :rofl:
> Weird , if not for keeping things good for my d , l'd be 2,000 miles away now .
> Wonder if l'd be getting midnight calls then, actually no l don't


Chicks love the fantasy of staying friends with the guys they fvck over.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I asked her if she was bored because no one was hitting on her....so she called me. She didn't like that.



Mate , girls like that always remember the one decent man they ever knew, don't think you've heard the last from her yet, oh noooooo


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> Chicks love the fantasy of staying friends with the guys they fvck over.



Yeah , who knows.
Sometimes l think it's like ,oh we're all divorced now , we've got it all working nice for our d , he's happy , l'm happy , we'll just polish up the friendship thing a bit more and life is just fkg wonderful .


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Yeah , who knows.
> Sometimes l think it's like ,oh we're all divorced now , we've got it all working nice for our d , he's happy , l'm happy , we'll just polish up the friendship thing a bit more and life is just fkg wonderful .


That's the lie they live, and the lie they want you to buy into.


----------



## bandit.45

I think the problem is it's almost my elk hunting season. I've got the blood fever. I need to kill something.


----------



## Healer

bandit.45 said:


> Chicks love the fantasy of staying friends with the guys they fvck over.


Yup. Case in point - my cheating ex wife. I wouldn't be friends with someone who did what she did to someone else, let alone to me. Delusional.


----------



## vi_bride04

Come on now, it's not just women, men also want to stay friends after f*cking over chic's. At least in my life that is the case.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Come on now, it's not just women, men also want to stay friends after f*cking over chic's. At least in my life that is the case.


Certainly. It's a weird combo of guilt and entitlement.


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I think the problem is it's almost my elk hunting season. I've got the blood fever. I need to kill something.


Oh jesus you are one funny fkr sometimes. Hey , maybe l should try that cure :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

Healer said:


> Certainly. It's a weird combo of guilt and entitlement.



Is that what it is you reckon. l'll never understand the garbage !


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Come on now, it's not just women, men also want to stay friends after f*cking over chic's. At least in my life that is the case.



Yeah l know , l read that a lot . l think sometimes it's that one decent chick they knew thing too . As well as all the garbage .


----------



## ne9907

Haha

Chicks love to remain friends with guys they **** over?? Men too. Because they want to slither their way back to our bed! 
I hadn't told you all but Blue has hit my phone several times since last month. I don't respond. I know I said I would tell his wife if he ever contacted me but I have no way of getting in touch with her. 
Her FB profile is disabled and quite frankly I don't care. 

On Navy guy news. He hasn't contacted me just sporadic little texts etc. last night I pretty much thanked him for the nice Tate's and since we hadn't "clicked" I asked him to remain friends. Because I really like him and yes, maybe he will want something serious in the future. 
He replied with " ok, but I thought we had Clicked though, but ok"

He is either clueless or really nice. I asked if I could call him but he never replied. Too bad, I believe in fate so I am leaving up to that (fate is a moody ***** fyi)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Haha
> 
> Chicks love to remain friends with guys they **** over?? Men too. Because they want to slither their way back to our bed!
> I hadn't told you all but Blue has hit my phone several times since last month. I don't respond. I know I said I would tell his wife if he ever contacted me but I have no way of getting in touch with her.
> Her FB profile is disabled and quite frankly I don't care.
> 
> On Navy guy news. He hasn't contacted me just sporadic little texts etc. last night I pretty much thanked him for the nice Tate's and since we hadn't "clicked" I asked him to remain friends. Because I really like him and yes, maybe he will want something serious in the future.
> He replied with " ok, but I thought we had Clicked though, but ok"
> 
> He is either clueless or really nice. I asked if I could call him but he never replied. Too bad, I believe in fate so I am leaving up to that (fate is a moody ***** fyi)


If this whole thing is what he considers to be a "click"...you for sure dont need it!


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> I never said it made sense.
> 
> Edit: WTH do you think I divorced him??? Next I'm getting married, we're having sex all the time. I'm writing it into the vows.
> 
> Edit #2: He was so LD and I was so HD, there may have been some underlying issues with him thinking he could never satisfy me. I think it might have something to do with that, as if by rejecting me, it takes away the risk of him not performing up to par, or something like that.


Ah , doubt that very very much. That's not what sex is about or should be , ever. If it ever was then your with the wrong women and not a very nice one at that . 
It's very simple , low drive , lost desire and turn off .
lt can be hard being married for a guy and all that side is a very individual thing .
It just means one mans poison is another mans medicine . In other words the right guy , will want you and have the desire, the wrong one doesn't . And if you don't , then the last thing you feel like is pressure in something that doesn't even interest you, it's a total trun off. 
Same vise verse really .


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> If this whole thing is what he considers to be a "click"...you for sure dont need it!



Yep when l was dating , l was just amazed at what some women thought was a click . Actually l have all my adult life .
People seem to have far and wide varied expectations and versions of click don't they .


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Come on now, it's not just women, men also want to stay friends after f*cking over chic's. At least in my life that is the case.


Bullsh!t. 

Women pull the friend zone crap twice, no, three times as often as men do, and for some reason we dumbass men continue to fall for it. 

Not this guy. Not anymore.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Bullsh!t.
> 
> Women pull the friend zone crap twice, no, three times as often as men do, and for some reason we dumbass men continue to fall for it.
> 
> Not this guy. Not anymore.


Why did you answer the phone when Syrian called then?
I just kidding...kind of...don't talk to women who want to "chat" who you want a relationship with. Draw a clear line in the sand with every woman in your life as business or pleasure and being friends or prospects only. Don't let them fade the line for you, you drew it so stand up for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Why did you answer the phone when Syrian called then?
> I just kidding...kind of...don't talk to women who want to "chat" who you want a relationship with. Draw a clear line in the sand with every woman in your life as business or pleasure and being friends or prospects only. Don't let them fade the line for you, you drew it so stand up for it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had erased her number. I have some sort of math dyslexia because I do not remember numbers. Never have. Thank god cell phones came along. They saved my life and career because I cannot remember phone numbers. 

I was woken ip out of deep sleep, glanced at the number and did not recall it. By the time I said hello it was too late.

But you are correct, and I did tell her not to call me for personal reasons anymore. I told her I was not up for friendship games. I don't know if she got the hint or not.


----------



## whitehawk

Pretty strongly put b . Surely if she didn't get that the only reason would be she doesn't wanna get it.


----------



## bandit.45

whitehawk said:


> Pretty strongly put b . Surely if she didn't get that the only reason would be she doesn't wanna get it.


Well mate, she was three quarters in the bottle...so I dont know how much of what I was saying was actually sticking....ya know?


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I had erased her number. I have some sort of math dyslexia because I do not remember numbers. Never have. Thank god cell phones came along. They saved my life and career because I cannot remember phone numbers.
> 
> I was woken ip out of deep sleep, glanced at the number and did not recall it. By the time I said hello it was too late.
> 
> But you are correct, and I did tell her not to call me for personal reasons anymore. I told her I was not up for friendship games. I don't know if she got the hint or not.


I'm just razzing you mang 
BUT I am trying to make a point though. You make the rules, and you are the only one who decides whether or not they get slightly bent per situation don't let anyone else dictate that. To me this would show your integrity and a man with integrity is highly valued.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Bullsh!t.
> 
> Women pull the friend zone crap twice, no, three times as often as men do, and for some reason we dumbass men continue to fall for it.
> 
> Not this guy. Not anymore.


Not this woman. 

And every guy I've ended things with pulls the whole "let's be friends anyways" card. I'm the stupid one that keeps talking to them, though. Which probably leads to more disrespect as I'm not making clear boundaries. 

Like AP mentioned, you are the one that answered Syrians call, just like I'm the one that continues small talk with people who have crushed my heart.

Why do we do such things?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Not this woman.
> 
> And every guy I've ended things with pulls the whole "let's be friends anyways" card. I'm the stupid one that keeps talking to them, though. Which probably leads to more disrespect as I'm not making clear boundaries.
> 
> Like AP mentioned, you are the one that answered Syrians call, just like I'm the one that continues small talk with people who have crushed my heart.
> 
> Why do we do such things?


Hmmm we all have moments of weakness. Just have to recognize them and figure out if it is truly a weakness or a strength and why it is happening and if we want to let it continue or make the change.

"let's be friends anyways"...you dump them and they say that  uggh personally that sounds like a biotch a$$ pvssy move on their part, if they wanted to just be friends you would have from the start.


----------



## bandit.45

vi_bride04 said:


> Not this woman.
> 
> And every guy I've ended things with pulls the whole "let's be friends anyways" card. I'm the stupid one that keeps talking to them, though. Which probably leads to more disrespect as I'm not making clear boundaries.
> 
> Like AP mentioned, you are the one that answered Syrians call, just like I'm the one that continues small talk with people who have crushed my heart.
> 
> Why do we do such things?


Cause we stupid? :slap:


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Chicks love the fantasy of staying friends with the guys they fvck over.


 Not just chicks. My X has the same fantasy. Makes me cringe.



bandit.45 said:


> That's the lie they live, and the lie they want you to buy into.


Because then they think they are forgiven and all is good.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> Why did you answer the phone when Syrian called then?
> I just kidding...kind of...don't talk to women who want to "chat" who you want a relationship with. Draw a clear line in the sand with every woman in your life as business or pleasure and being friends or prospects only. Don't let them fade the line for you, you drew it so stand up for it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. *block* her number if you are serious. She is not friend material...at. all.



whitehawk said:


> Pretty strongly put b . Surely if she didn't get that the only reason would be she doesn't wanna get it.


 She is playing games and wants to string B along. It is an ego trip.

And it sucks.


----------



## bandit.45

Her phone number is officially blocked as of now.


----------



## bandit.45

It made me miss her though. 

Man...she was gorgeous.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> It made me miss her though.
> 
> Man...she was gorgeous.


Yeah? You missed her immature impulsive behavior and how she used you? How about taking into consideration how you were probably not the first guy she called last night and you probably weren't the last.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> Yeah? You missed her immature impulsive behavior and how she used you? How about taking into consideration how you were probably not the first guy she called last night and you probably weren't the last.


Oh you are right about that. And yes I remember all that childish behavior...

...and that perfect ass, and hips, and....never mind.


----------



## whitehawk

Must admit l don't really have the trouble myself.
Ex is a different thing but usually with anyone l met while l was dating and that was date site stuff , which is a world and temperament just totally a world of it's own l found anyway .
One or two we kept in touch , just chopped the final one a few wks back actually. Just friends but she did keep pushing and hinting a bit through it. She also kept getting back to topics like sex and [email protected] to that l really did not wanna know or hear about . But l was with T to so that's a def' . She knew that but kept at it so it got the chop.

But there was only one really l would have even liked to have stayed in touch, friends, but she cracked it over something anyway so that was that apparently.
That was the strangest thing but something that didn't even exist , she'd thought and read totally wrong, hit a nerve with her past and that was that .
There was so much hurt around this particular thing for her though . l couldn't believe the poor thing had gone through it actually but anyway , not surprising even the tiniest hint of it even if she was wrong , set her off. Shame though .


----------



## TooNice

I've been so busy these past months, which has been great. I had a surgery this week to reset a broken bone, and I've been recovering at home. Friends have thankfully been stopping by, and I am so grateful for that. Especially since I have not had to ask STBX for any help at all.

The pain is finally manageable, and I am cuddling with my cat and watching tv and napping as much as I like. 

But it feels strange! No one needs me or is counting on me... My only job is to rest and do whatever I need/want. 

It's just such a surreal thing. I mean, I like it... It's just strange!


----------



## FeministInPink

Happy belated Halloween, everyone!

These Goofy Halloween Skeletons Will Make You Shriek In Delight


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and everyone in the US... don't forget to turn back your clocks tonight! Enjoy that extra hour of sleep


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, and everyone in the US... don't forget to turn back your clocks tonight! Enjoy that extra hour of sleep


I have kids so it doesn't mean jack squat lol but thanks anyway


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Chicks love the fantasy of staying friends with the guys they fvck over.



It's not always the chicks doing the screwing over of the partners. I do think that women tend to want to stay on good terms with ex-lovers more often than men do. I have only wanted that with the ones I really cared for and didn't hate; its a bit like that act just honors the good stuff, even though there may have been bad stuff that kept the relationship from continuing.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> It made me miss her though.
> 
> 
> 
> Man...she was gorgeous.



It's so easy to miss the hotness.


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Bullsh!t.
> 
> Women pull the friend zone crap twice, no, three times as often as men do, and for some reason we dumbass men continue to fall for it.
> 
> Not this guy. Not anymore.


Not true Bandit. It's just the guy version of the "friend zone" is referred to as "ghosting." Meaning they totally drop out of your life UNLESS they want sex or some other girl turns them down and they need an ego boost. 

I've been the unfortunate recipient of random texts weeks or even MONTHS after not hearing from a guy. I find it a bit insulting (but not enough to waste the energy actually getting angry.)

The blocking function on my cell phone is wonderful for the terminally annoying. For people I don't actively dislike, I usually just try to shame them a bit with a "Wow, random to hear from you. Hope all is well!" then no more responding. 

The way I look at it - my life is no bs. If I want to get to know you, I'll make the effort. If I don't, I won't. But I'm not going to jerk anyone's feelings around playing childish games that lead to nowhere. I'm a busy lady after all!


----------



## moxy

Part of me feels like I'm missing out on fun: sex, romance, intimacy, cuddling, et cetera...by not getting out there. Part of me resists it: I feel mopey and miserable because I guess I liked Guy more than I realized I did and I'm still disappointed about how that turned out (and, if he came back around, I would totally hook up with him without blinking -- even though he behaved douchey, and though I know better). I know that I'd like a relationship that lasts a little while; doesn't have to be forever or very serious. If something more serious came along, I might not run from it this time. But, I'm also okay with casual, as long as it doesn't make me feel used or cheap. I also really like hanging out by myself, reading, or chilling with friends or family. Eventually, though, the craving for sex (or, intimacy) becomes notable. So, I'm not really sure what I want. 

I have a major crush on a new guy at work (for once, someone with a stable career), but I'm not sure if I'm really his type; we flirt with each other, but I suppose that both of us are generally flirtatious anyway, so it means nothing. Lots of mixed signals, here. I don't want to risk making a fool of myself with someone I work with, so I just keep my mouth shut when all my married coworkers talk about finding him a gf. Lately, everyone keeps bringing him up in conversation with me, and I am grateful that I'm tanned and don't show a blush easily. I'm not going to make the first move. And, I certainly don't need people to find out about my crush, so hmmm...awkward.

I met some people on Tinder. Got asked out by and talked to a few people, but I haven't felt much of a connection with anyone, really. Recently, though, I met a rather attractive fella on there who seems to like me, but we haven't met in person yet. We text and talk on the phone. I am very, very attracted to him, but...again, is this just likely to be a fling, just a physical thing? He's younger than me, super hot, seems to like similar things about me that Guy liked, similarly physical part time job to fund college, lives a couple of hours away (which makes scheduling tough). Apparently, I have a type. And, what if he doesn't like me in person or we have terrible chemistry? And, what if he acts like Alpha Guy? But, he texts me a lot just to chat and I enjoy talking to him on the phone. I feel guilty because I know my heart is elsewhere, but I also feel so very tempted. I don't just want to be a ONS with a ton of text-foreplay, either.

To make matters worse, work is kicking my a$$ lately and I'm exhausted all the time, so I crave the comfort of a lover or cuddle-buddy sometimes. 

Funny how some things make you sad b/c you realize you never had them. Y'all were mentioning little kindnesses. Hot Prof knowing a bit about my heritage and saying he was happy to see me made me all kinds of smiley. Hot Cop mentioning making time for me like it was something he wanted to do had me crying: I didn't realize how much I needed to hear someone say that they were designating time for me in life until that moment. 

Eek. I'm a mess tonight.


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> Part of me feels like I'm missing out on fun: sex, romance, intimacy, cuddling, et cetera...by not getting out there. Part of me resists it: I feel mopey and miserable because I guess I liked Guy more than I realized I did and I'm still disappointed about how that turned out (and, if he came back around, I would totally hook up with him without blinking -- even though he behaved douchey, and though I know better). I know that I'd like a relationship that lasts a little while; doesn't have to be forever or very serious. If something more serious came along, I might not run from it this time. But, I'm also okay with casual, as long as it doesn't make me feel used or cheap. I also really like hanging out by myself, reading, or chilling with friends or family. Eventually, though, the craving for sex (or, intimacy) becomes notable. So, I'm not really sure what I want.
> 
> Funny how some things make you sad b/c you realize you never had them. Y'all were mentioning little kindnesses. Hot Prof knowing a bit about my heritage and saying he was happy to see me made me all kinds of smiley. Hot Cop mentioning making time for me like it was something he wanted to do had me crying: I didn't realize how much I needed to hear someone say that they were designating time for me in life until that moment.
> 
> Eek. I'm a mess tonight.


You're putting yourself out there Moxy and feeling the highs and the lows of being open to new people and life experiences. Honestly, good for you. It takes courage to do so. 

As someone also traveling that path - I know part of figuring out what I actually want in my life (and getting it) includes not giving emotional/mental energy to people who behave douchey or cause me excessive worry. I'm not saying it's easy but the more I redirect my thoughts away from people who aren't worthy of them, the better my life gets. Just an observation.

Not sorry for the people I have met though! Even when they wind up being a one way ticket to douche-town. I've sat in hammocks watching sunsets, been cooked fantastic dinners, and shared laughter and milkshakes with people I will likely never see again. And that's ok. I'm glad we had that time together. But that doesn't give them license to take up valuable real estate in my head.

I'm ready to have new experiences with good people who are worthy of my time. And the first person on that list is myself.


----------



## bravenewworld

Speaking of little acts of kindness....

Today two managers came up to me during my shift and said what a great job I was doing. It really put a spring in my step. 

After work, I was getting in my car when I noticed the car in front of me had an expired meter. I put two quarters in it. 

Neither of these are earth shattering things, but both made me very happy.


----------



## bravenewworld




----------



## firebelly1

I have acquired myself another FWB. Just in the first couple of weeks of it so still feeling him out (and up). I have been thinking of WH saying you just know whether someone is long term material or not within the first few minutes and I feel that way about this guy (Shutterbug). Not physically my type and somewhat of a "beta" personality although definitely not beta in the bedroom and in terms of the energy he brings, probably the most compatible person I've ever been with sexually.


----------



## bandit.45

bravenewworld said:


> Not true Bandit. It's just the guy version of the "friend zone" is referred to as "ghosting." Meaning they totally drop out of your life UNLESS they want sex or some other girl turns them down and they need an ego boost.
> 
> I've been the unfortunate recipient of random texts weeks or even MONTHS after not hearing from a guy. I find it a bit insulting (but not enough to waste the energy actually getting angry.)
> 
> The blocking function on my cell phone is wonderful for the terminally annoying. For people I don't actively dislike, I usually just try to shame them a bit with a "Wow, random to hear from you. Hope all is well!" then no more responding.
> 
> The way I look at it - my life is no bs. If I want to get to know you, I'll make the effort. If I don't, I won't. But I'm not going to jerk anyone's feelings around playing childish games that lead to nowhere. I'm a busy lady after all!


I disagree. Women do it more than men.


----------



## bandit.45

Spent the morning shooting my .338 Winchester Magnum rifle. Got it sighted in good but my shoulder is a bruised pulp. 

It's a good pain. 

I'm almost to the point where I prefer my hobbies over women.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Spent the morning shooting my .338 Winchester Magnum rifle. Got it sighted in good but my shoulder is a bruised pulp.
> 
> It's a good pain.
> 
> I'm almost to the point where I prefer my hobbies over women.


I have a Winchester model 70 chambered in .270wsm...soooo accurate but holy smokes does that thing smurt! I hunt with 130gr ballistic tips, I have yet to find an exit wound. Haven't shot it in 4 years...about the same time my marriage started falling apart


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> I disagree. Women do it more than men.


I have to agree here. I don't know one man who keeps a bunch of women as friends to reach out to, maybe a few closer ones and that's it. 
But women on the other hand, it's probably half and half...the majority of single women I know have a flock of men they use for various reasons like fixing their car or picking up heavy ****.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> I have to agree here. I don't know one man who keeps a bunch of women as friends to reach out to, maybe a few closer ones and that's it.
> But women on the other hand, it's probably half and half...the majority of single women I know have a flock of men they use for various reasons like fixing their car or picking up heavy ****.


Ok. Part of me is jealous - I want a flock of men. But the better part of me has no respect for that kind of behavior. 

I would rather stay on good terms with an X, but I wouldn't say I am "friends" or would want to be. And I certainly wouldn't ask an X to fix my car. I'm not having sex with him, I shouldn't expect him to fix my car. That's my motto.


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Ok. Part of me is jealous - I want a flock of men. But the better part of me has no respect for that kind of behavior.
> 
> I would rather stay on good terms with an X, but I wouldn't say I am "friends" or would want to be. And I certainly wouldn't ask an X to fix my car. *I'm not having sex with him, I shouldn't expect him to fix my car. That's my motto*.


That's your motto?! 0_0 ..... lol j/k


----------



## firebelly1

Ok. Motto #347.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> I have to agree here. I don't know one man who keeps a bunch of women as friends to reach out to, maybe a few closer ones and that's it.
> But women on the other hand, it's probably half and half...the majority of single women I know have a flock of men they use for various reasons like fixing their car or picking up heavy ****.


And those women are nothing more than manipulative b!tches.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> I have to agree here. I don't know one man who keeps a bunch of women as friends to reach out to, maybe a few closer ones and that's it.
> But women on the other hand, it's probably half and half...the majority of single women I know have a flock of men they use for various reasons like fixing their car or picking up heavy ****.





vi_bride04 said:


> And those women are nothing more than manipulative b!tches.


I'm stepping into this conversation rather late but I think I know what's going on.

Is it really gender specific or more along the lines of personal experiences that cause a person (be it male or female) to keep a 'list' of 'back ups' in their pocket?

At the same time, the number of people one might see (on either side of the scale in this topic) could also be a reflection of their own personal 'group' they keep in contact with. I know for me, I've had a hell of a time getting any bites from friends simply because they don't keep 'possibilities' in the shadows for a rainy day. Once a relationship ends, that's it and while there are a few exceptions that I know of those have strict boundaries in place.


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> And those women are nothing more than manipulative b!tches.


Yeah and as Daddio said it probably is my group of friends unfortunately and associates.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I have to agree here. I don't know one man who keeps a bunch of women as friends to reach out to, maybe a few closer ones and that's it.
> But women on the other hand, it's probably half and half...the majority of single women I know have a flock of men they use for various reasons like fixing their car or picking up heavy ****.


:iagree:

There needs to be a Mega-Like button...

I think women only need us to father children and open jars.


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> I have a Winchester model 70 chambered in .270wsm...soooo accurate but holy smokes does that thing smurt! I hunt with 130gr ballistic tips, I have yet to find an exit wound. Haven't shot it in 4 years...about the same time my marriage started falling apart


The Model 70 in. .270 is THE classic combination. Nothing better. My .270 is my go to deer rifle, but for elk I need heavier lead. Thus my morning being brutalized by my .338.


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> Ok. Part of me is jealous - I want a flock of men. But the better part of me has no respect for that kind of behavior.
> 
> I would rather stay on good terms with an X, but I wouldn't say I am "friends" or would want to be. And I certainly wouldn't ask an X to fix my car. I'm not having sex with him, I shouldn't expect him to fix my car. That's my motto.


I think a divorced couple, or a couple who were in a long term committed relationship, should be kind and cordial to one another...out of respect for the positive aspects of their past together and the achievements they made together. 

What I hate is when exes want to call you and talk to you about their latest aches and pains, or b!tch about how their present boy/girlfriend isn't meeting their needs, or other various crap that really they have no privilege to be talking about with you anymore. They don't want you as a lover or companion anymore...now they just want you to solve their issues for them.


----------



## RandomDude

The whole concept of a relationship is becoming increasingly alien to me over time with FWB it seems... although I understand the situations easily in a logical sense, my empathy towards alot of posts has diminished - meaning I can no longer recreate the emotional 'feel' of these scenarios.

Seem to be in a strange bliss =/


----------



## 06Daddio08

bandit.45 said:


> I think a divorced couple, or a couple who were in a long term committed relationship, should be kind and cordial to one another...out of respect for the positive aspects of their past together and the achievements they made together.
> 
> What I hate is when exes want to call you and talk to you about their latest aches and pains, or b!tch about how their present boy/girlfriend isn't meeting their needs, or other various crap that really they have no privilege to be talking about with you anymore. They don't want you as a lover or companion anymore...now they just want you to solve their issues for them.


Or when your ex tells you 2 1/2 years later that they aren't over the marriage and want to know if it's salvageable. Then when you let them know that you've moved they say they'd like to repair the friendship at least, so things could be better for the kids. Two weeks later they're back with the one they left you for and now sending you texts about what your currently girlfriend is allegedly doing behind your back ... like they're doing you some sort of favor.


----------



## ne9907

Vegas is a wrap! I shall post a few photos later. I had an awesome time! Made out with a few hot guys and was great!


----------



## ne9907

Btw Firebelly, I sort of have a flock of men I can talk to and it is not all that's cracked up to be. About six of them... But I am like meh


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Or when your ex tells you 2 1/2 years later that they aren't over the marriage and want to know if it's salvageable. Then when you let them know that you've moved they say they'd like to repair the friendship at least, so things could be better for the kids. Two weeks later they're back with the one they left you for and now sending you texts about what your currently girlfriend is allegedly doing behind your back ... like they're doing you some sort of favor.


Cripes isn't that the truth!
Glad I have been flat out clear with my exWife multiple times... Not my fault if she thinks she made a mistake  
I have moved on


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Cripes isn't that the truth!
> Glad I have been flat out clear with my exWife multiple times... Not my fault if she thinks she made a mistake
> I have moved on


Detached and indifferent.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Or when your ex tells you 2 1/2 years later that they aren't over the marriage and want to know if it's salvageable. Then when you let them know that you've moved they say they'd like to repair the friendship at least, so things could be better for the kids. Two weeks later they're back with the one they left you for and now sending you texts about what your currently girlfriend is allegedly doing behind your back ... like they're doing you some sort of favor.


I thought l read somewhere you were happily married d , maybe someone else ?

Anyway , l dunno how ex's could try talking about anyone new . l still can't even think of ex with someone else let lone talk about it with her. l dread the day that maybe sometime there'll be a need to bc of our d.
And l sure as hell aren't telling her about my stuff .
Although she's been bringing T up a lot lately , mainly concerning some school stuff going on with the girls but she asks me as if will know because l'm with T .
lt's not really in any fishing sense l don't think . It might be though .
As far as l know she can't really know whether l'm actually with T or just friends.

Either way though , l'll never talk to her about anyone or listen to any of her bs on that subject .


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> The whole concept of a relationship is becoming increasingly alien to me over time with FWB it seems... although I understand the situations easily in a logical sense, my empathy towards alot of posts has diminished - meaning I can no longer recreate the emotional 'feel' of these scenarios.
> 
> Seem to be in a strange bliss =/


And this is why I keep asking how she is different than a girlfriend. 

I suspect that through most of the history of humanity, a significant other met a handful of necessary needs and we were okay with that. And I suspect that if your FWB were the only person you had sex with for the rest of your life you would be okay with that. You may not be in love with her, but she meets the needs you need a woman to fulfill.


----------



## 06Daddio08

whitehawk said:


> I thought l read somewhere you were happily married d , maybe someone else ?
> 
> Anyway , l dunno how ex's could try talking about anyone new . l still can't even think of ex with someone else let lone talk about it with her. l dread the day that maybe sometime there'll be a need to bc of our d.
> And l sure as hell aren't telling her about my stuff .
> Although she's been bringing T up a lot lately , mainly concerning some school stuff going on with the girls but she asks me as if will know because l'm with T .
> lt's not really in any fishing sense l don't think . It might be though .
> As far as l know she can't really know whether l'm actually with T or just friends.
> 
> Either way though , l'll never talk to her about anyone or listen to any of her bs on that subject .


Me. Happily married? No. Although that's something I'd like in my future.

If you cannot think of your ex being with someone else, I suggest getting to the bottom of that because I bet it's holding you back in certain aspects of your life. Once I found my self worth and worked on why I was the way I was and who I wanted to become, the thought of my ex being with someone else lost it's importance in my life.

The flip side to that though, it still stung for a very long time when it came to my exes new guy being around my kids. Especially knowing what I know (of her and him), but the fact is it's out of my control and dragging myself through that greatly diminished my self worth. I'm not okay with that, so that was something I needed to work on and change.

Even after all of that happened (I won't even get into what she accused me of a month prior to asking me to mend a marriage that hadn't been for several years), we were still able to get together with the kids for Halloween and take them out for 2 hours. Heck, we even dared to share a laugh or two and fielded some questions from the kids about when we "used to be together" and other things they brought up of our past life together.

Sure, if you keep your head stuck in it, it can drive you bonkers and mad which is why it's important to be able to take yourself out of the situation, observe the way you are feeling and ask yourself why. 

Everyone is in a different situation, even if a lot of it sounds the same but the goal should be the same.


----------



## 06Daddio08

firebelly1 said:


> *And this is why I keep asking how she is different than a girlfriend.*
> 
> I suspect that through most of the history of humanity, a significant other met a handful of necessary needs and we were okay with that. And I suspect that if your FWB were the only person you had sex with for the rest of your life you would be okay with that. You may not be in love with her, but she meets the needs you need a woman to fulfill.


A girlfriend is a label. Placing a label on it would most likely feel rather restricting to him.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> There needs to be a Mega-Like button...
> 
> 
> 
> I think women only need us to father children and open jars.



I can open jars and lift heavy stuff. I can hire someone to fix what's broken. And I can vent in my journal when I need to cry about something. I can also support myself. Men, however...are great for sex and making out and for cuddling while in bed or watching a movie.  oh, and I suppose the having a baby thing is also more pleasant with a flesh and blood dude instead of a cryobank's procedure. 

I'm being playful; I typically don't think in terms of gender, unless I'm feeling naughty. And, I don't think the opposite sex friend and ex thing is gender specific, but based on individual personality.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> And this is why I keep asking how she is different than a girlfriend.
> 
> I suspect that through most of the history of humanity, a significant other met a handful of necessary needs and we were okay with that. And I suspect that if your FWB were the only person you had sex with for the rest of your life you would be okay with that. You may not be in love with her, but she meets the needs you need a woman to fulfill.


Well despite everything I don't think I would qualify us as boyfriend/girlfriend. Unless two parties express their romantic feelings for each other I wouldn't consider it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. 

Besides even after all this time when I look in her eyes I see and feel nothing. No matter how alien relationships have become, it's the one feeling that you'll never forget, and it's the one feeling I don't have, despite the peace I've found.

So hey, how can I possibly consider FWB a girlfriend?


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Men, however...are great for sex and making out and for cuddling while in bed or watching a movie.


Our uses have diminished in the modern age 

We are now cuddle bears with penises whose other purpose is to serve as entertainment-aids! Bah!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Our uses have diminished in the modern age
> 
> We are now cuddle bears with penises whose other purpose is to serve as entertainment-aids! Bah!


Well, if we expect TOO much, then we are gold diggers...


----------



## ne9907

From Halloween, I uploaded two more on private albums, but those have other people so they shall remain private!


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, if we expect TOO much, then we are gold diggers...


Ey? Nothing wrong with gold digging, only problem is dishonesty!

Look at FWB and I, we're getting along famously 
Her priorities may be shallow, but they are typical where I live amidst the rat race culture - and the good thing is that she has been honest about it (at least with me)


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Me. Happily married? No. Although that's something I'd like in my future.
> 
> If you cannot think of your ex being with someone else, I suggest getting to the bottom of that because I bet it's holding you back in certain aspects of your life. Once I found my self worth and worked on why I was the way I was and who I wanted to become, the thought of my ex being with someone else lost it's importance in my life.
> 
> The flip side to that though, it still stung for a very long time when it came to my exes new guy being around my kids. Especially knowing what I know (of her and him), but the fact is it's out of my control and dragging myself through that greatly diminished my self worth. I'm not okay with that, so that was something I needed to work on and change.
> 
> Even after all of that happened (I won't even get into what she accused me of a month prior to asking me to mend a marriage that hadn't been for several years), we were still able to get together with the kids for Halloween and take them out for 2 hours. Heck, we even dared to share a laugh or two and fielded some questions from the kids about when we "used to be together" and other things they brought up of our past life together.
> 
> Sure, if you keep your head stuck in it, it can drive you bonkers and mad which is why it's important to be able to take yourself out of the situation, observe the way you are feeling and ask yourself why.
> 
> Everyone is in a different situation, even if a lot of it sounds the same but the goal should be the same.



Thanks for that d and l'm sorry it mustn't have been you l was thinking of .

l know why l feel like l do , maybe l'm a lucky one in that way , it'll come together when it's ready. 19 yrs , that's naturally not gonna happen over night . Meantime who l am is already good enough for me lately :smthumbup: and a few other important people in my life. l think that's a good way to feel.
l had stuff to do back when but l've done well if l do say so myself . 
Me l don't even think about ex and who ever really, l did for a long time but , no time for it these days .

l do think about ex a bit when l see her but that's only natural and it's less and less .
Matter of fact she's gone to the pack so badly lately , then l look at T and think hmmm , ex did me a favor . There's some karma hey. 

Although on all that front , sometimes just lately l do wonder if l allow to much chit chat with ex. l do still feel angry sometimes and that she doesn't deserve chit chat with me. Still working on that . But it pays off big time with our parenting and l must say at least , we probably have the best parenting sitch going on the whole of tam from what l;ve seen so - there has been a method in the madness .

l dunno , it's all finding it's way and place bit by bit :scratchhead:


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I think a divorced couple, or a couple who were in a long term committed relationship, should be kind and cordial to one another...out of respect for the positive aspects of their past together and the achievements they made together.
> 
> What I hate is when exes want to call you and talk to you about their latest aches and pains, or b!tch about how their present boy/girlfriend isn't meeting their needs, or other various crap that really they have no privilege to be talking about with you anymore. They don't want you as a lover or companion anymore...now they just want you to solve their issues for them.



Tell you one way that stops that b , worked for me anyway.
One day l realized l still offered solutions whenever ex told me some [email protected] and thought hu ! Wtf am l even bothering anymore , not my circus .
So you know what l say to her now - Oh right , so what are you gonna do any idea ?
She's like , hu !!!!!! l can just feel her head ticking over and thinking , well that's not much help.
My head ----- l know :rofl:

Works good .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Cripes isn't that the truth!
> Glad I have been flat out clear with my exWife multiple times... Not my fault if she thinks she made a mistake
> I have moved on


l'd kill to hear my ex say stuff like that and wanna get back now. 

At about 8mths l did get some pretty heavy stuff and apologies , almost the same , not though.
l dunno if it was suppose to be my Que in her eyes or what but , l heard it all out and we talked a bit more and then l just said good night. 
I think there may gave been a couple of times actually but where she didn't actually come out and suggest we try again but she did seem to be opening some pretty big doors.
l couldn't forget everything though and just go inside so to speak, just couldn't do it .
lf not for that l would've .


----------



## Healer

Another Planet said:


> Why did you answer the phone when Syrian called then?
> I just kidding...kind of...don't talk to women who want to "chat" who you want a relationship with. Draw a clear line in the sand with every woman in your life as business or pleasure and being friends or prospects only. Don't let them fade the line for you, you drew it so stand up for it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've got one doing this to me a bit. We met on Tinder back in May or so. We went on a couple dates, then she was diagnosed with breast cancer. A very heavy time for her indeed. She's OK, so far. But she told me she wasn't ready for things to get physical - no problem. But continued to randomly text and even come over to my house. I can't tell if I've been fz'd or if she's just timid/unsure because of her situation. It's cool either way, but honestly, I'm just not interested in being just friends. Next time we meet, if she gives me the runaround, I'll just ask.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> From Halloween, I uploaded two more on private albums, but those have other people so they shall remain private!


Chi-chis! :smthumbup:

You look good, Ne!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Our uses have diminished in the modern age
> 
> We are now cuddle bears with penises whose other purpose is to serve as entertainment-aids! Bah!


Between you, WhiteHawk, and Bandit, the masculine bitterness on this thread is getting a little overwhelming.

In fact, the three of you make me question why I would even want a man in my life. Because, like moxy, I can open my own jars, I can lift heavy things, I can change out my own tires, and I can support myself financially. I take care of business.

So, really, why would I--or any woman as self-sufficient as I--ever bother with having or wanting a man in my life?

For love; for acceptance; for companionship; for the desire to connect emotionally with another person on a deep, intimate level; to be part of a team, to have someone who is always on my side, who I will cheer for and who will cheer for me; to share my life and experiences with another person; to know that my life mattered, even if only to that one person; to know, even when you don't fit anywhere else, that there is one place, with one person, where you will always belong.[

THAT is why we keep looking. THAT is why we keep wading through all the bullsh!t, and why we keep kissing frogs and why we keep looking for the one with whom we belong.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Between you, WhiteHawk, and Bandit, the masculine bitterness on this thread is getting a little overwhelming.
> 
> In fact, the three of you make me question why I would even want a man in my life. Because, like moxy, I can open my own jars, I can lift heavy things, I can change out my own tires, and I can support myself financially. I take care of business.
> 
> So, really, why would I--or any woman as self-sufficient as I--ever bother with having or wanting a man in my life?
> 
> For love; for acceptance; for companionship; for the desire to connect emotionally with another person on a deep, intimate level; to be part of a team, to have someone who is always on my side, who I will cheer for and who will cheer for me; to share my life and experiences with another person; to know that my life mattered, even if only to that one person; to know, even when you don't fit anywhere else, that there is one place, with one person, where you will always belong.[
> 
> *THAT is why we keep looking. THAT is why we keep wading through all the bullsh!t, and why we keep kissing frogs and why we keep looking for the one with whom we belong*.


I really like the bolded part.

I dont call it bitterness. Thy are going through a hard time, we (women) go through those as well.

This weekend made me realized that I enjoy being single. Yes, i get lonely and want someone to talk to but I really like having the liberty to flirt and make out with random men. 
I would not feel okay doing that if I was in a commited relationship. 

I would like to have a "friend" that I can talk to anytime I want, to share my happy news and sad news. 

I am ready for my 2x4: On friday, I received yet another text from Blue wishing me happy halloween (we had talked about it before since it is my favorite holyday (?)

Anyway, I replied back with a picture of my costume. His answer was "I knew it!!, I was thinking something more alien but ww was my first choice"

We have been exchanging texts since then. I asked him about his relationship status, he says they are separated. I do not believe it. Why do I need him to give me attention?
He got a bit flirty a couple of times. I told him I made out with some guys, I sent him couple of photos of the morning after and he said "I looked upset up" 

Anyway.... so I am not such a good person.


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> THAT is why we keep looking. THAT is why we keep wading through all the bullsh!t, and why we keep kissing frogs and why we keep looking for the one with whom we belong.


Yeah, and that is why we keep trying to knock some of those witches off their brooms, lol! 

HS and I are getting along very good. There is communication, both open and honest, without the silly games. No rush to the alter, but looking at near term with LTR possibility. Both of us understand that we have our own lives and priorities right now, but we enjoy each other, so we are spending time together when we can.

So far, so good. And my god, she actually enjoys sex. I am beside myself. LOL!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> the masculine bitterness on this thread is getting a little overwhelming.


I agree that there is a lot of bitterness and generalizing about women here in the last few pages. I was going to respond several times but decided it wasn't even worth it.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> HS and I are getting along very good. There is communication, both open and honest, without the silly games. No rush to the alter, but looking at near term with LTR possibility. Both of us understand that we have our own lives and priorities right now, but we enjoy each other, so we are spending time together when we can.
> 
> So far, so good. *And my god, she actually enjoys sex. I am beside myself. * LOL!


:smthumbup: I'm happy for you, Movealong.

How long you been dating?

*Oh and question for all*: when dating, how long before you would consider or think someone in terms of a LTR potential? Do you know early on? (Or think you do)? Or is it something that after a long time of dating (however long) that you start to think, hmm, maybe this is something? Firebelly made a comment a few pages back that made me wonder about that.


----------



## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup: I'm happy for you, Movealong.
> 
> How long you been dating?
> 
> *Oh and question for all*: when dating, how long before you would consider or think someone in terms of a LTR potential? Do you know early on? (Or think you do)? Or is it something that after a long time of dating (however long) that you start to think, hmm, maybe this is something? Firebelly made a comment a few pages back that made me wonder about that.


I've asked myself the same question. I'm not entirely physically attracted to my new FWB (although I might be more so if he made a few changes in his appearance), and he is content being an every-other weekend dad and I don't have much respect for that point of view. Those two things make me think he isn't LTR material for me. However, like I said, the sex is great. And we actually communicate very well. So, there are moments when I wonder if my expectations for a LTR are off. What I think I want is not actually what's good for me. 

That last part is about me not trusting myself still to pick a good LTR partner in general.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup: I'm happy for you, Movealong.
> 
> How long you been dating?


We've been dating for 3 weeks, though it seems like it should be longer. Since we went to the same high school and knew a lot of the same people, it is like we're catching up on things while we're getting to know each other better.

Good points:
- neither of us are in a hurry to make a run for the alter
- both of us are happy not being in a relationship but like the companionship.
- both financially stable
- neither of us needs "rescuing"
- both of us are into straight talk with no BS games
- both sexually high drive and compliment each other very well



Jellybeans said:


> *Oh and question for all*: when dating, how long before you would consider or think someone in terms of a LTR potential? Do you know early on? (Or think you do)? Or is it something that after a long time of dating (however long) that you start to think, hmm, maybe this is something? Firebelly made a comment a few pages back that made me wonder about that.


I think about it early on and evaluate as it unfolds. I generally will not date a woman that does not have some LTR potential. 

I see HS and I as LTR potential because of our common background, similarities, and goals. But I also understand that we may come across an issue that we just can't reconcile.

ETA - I don't have to dumb down my vocabulary when I talk to her, and vice versa. It is gratifying to be with someone who can have an intellectually stimulating conversation, then head to the bedroom and fvk your brains out.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I really like the bolded part.
> 
> I dont call it bitterness. Thy are going through a hard time, we (women) go through those as well.
> 
> This weekend made me realized that I enjoy being single. Yes, i get lonely and want someone to talk to but I really like having the liberty to flirt and make out with random men.
> I would not feel okay doing that if I was in a commited relationship.
> 
> I would like to have a "friend" that I can talk to anytime I want, to share my happy news and sad news.
> 
> I am ready for my 2x4: On friday, I received yet another text from Blue wishing me happy halloween (we had talked about it before since it is my favorite holyday (?)
> 
> Anyway, I replied back with a picture of my costume. His answer was "I knew it!!, I was thinking something more alien but ww was my first choice"
> 
> We have been exchanging texts since then. I asked him about his relationship status, he says they are separated. I do not believe it. Why do I need him to give me attention?
> He got a bit flirty a couple of times. I told him I made out with some guys, I sent him couple of photos of the morning after and he said "I looked upset up"
> 
> Anyway.... so I am not such a good person.


WTF is wrong with you?!
He is married. 
NE say you were married to a man you desperately wanted it to work with and you thought you were doing everything to keep it going and then to find out he was cheating on you the entire time?
Are you honestly so bitter and shallow that you have to ruin someone elses happiness? I know I was.....
Don't be that person NE! You know how ashamed I am? How disappointed and disgusted I am with myself for involving myself with married and involved women! 
Don't be that person! That stigma never goes away.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> I agree that there is a lot of bitterness and generalizing about women here in the last few pages. I was going to respond several times but decided it wasn't even worth it.


That's such a chick thing to say. 

I kid, I kid.


----------



## Jellybeans

Chick here. 

Ne, stop engaging him. You had to find out online he's married after he was sleeping with you for so long. He's not worth your time or text. Find someone else to send sexy costume pics to. Someone single who doesn't lie about being married.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup: I'm happy for you, Movealong.
> 
> How long you been dating?
> 
> *Oh and question for all*: when dating, how long before you would consider or think someone in terms of a LTR potential? Do you know early on? (Or think you do)? Or is it something that after a long time of dating (however long) that you start to think, hmm, maybe this is something? Firebelly made a comment a few pages back that made me wonder about that.


I have no idea. I'm so guarded and walled off since being burnt by my ex wife. I know that early -on - about 3 months after splitting, I had dated a couple women. The first one was _really_ soon - actually she was in between the initial split and our attempted (false) R. She hit on me at a party and we ended up seeing each other for a couple weeks. I remember that first fling or whatever it was after the end of my marriage - the excitement and newness of it - it was amazing. Almost magical. Then I slept with her way too soon. As soon as the ex found out I slept with her, she wanted me back, and I obliged.  So I ended it with the fling. Awful. What a sucker I was.

Then I ended R after 10 weeks, and started dating within a month after (yup, very soon - but it's what I needed). I ended up seeing this gorgeous woman who I thought I was really into - but I wasn't at all. She was hot and she was arm candy, that's all. I paraded her around like a trophy, but I had zero real attraction to her. And my body told me so. That fizzled, and it was for the best. 

Since then I've had several lovers, non of whom I've had real feelings for. I'm still in self protection mode and not even allowing myself to be open to having real feelings for someone. Kinda sad but not surprising or unusual, I reckon.

Now? I'm starting to feel like I'd like a girlfriend. But my standards are high and I'm still in self-protection mode. I honestly don't know how to open myself to have real feelings at this point.

I hope that changes. I'd love to have those butterflies again some day.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I've asked myself the same question. I'm not entirely physically attracted to my new FWB (although I might be more so if he made a few changes in his appearance), and he is content being an every-other weekend dad and I don't have much respect for that point of view. Those two things make me think he isn't LTR material for me. However, like I said, the sex is great. And we actually communicate very well. So, there are moments when I wonder if my expectations for a LTR are off. What I think I want is not actually what's good for me.
> 
> That last part is about me not trusting myself still to pick a good LTR partner in general.


That was the problem with my last lover - I wasn't entirely physically attracted. It's too bad, because everything else fell in line. I hear you on the part time dad thing. Whenever I read about a woman who lives in a different city than her kids, I think, nope.

I have my kids Wed-Sun, every week. They occasionally go to their grandparents for a weekend. NO WAY could I only see them every other weekend, or even every weekend, for that matter.


----------



## ne9907

AP and Jelly. Thank you. Of course I know you are all right. 

I am on the road for work (I am not driving)
Or I would totally like your answers. 

It seems that when two people like each other, they become exclusive rather soon. They also begin making long term plans. If that is happening to you Jelly, do not be afraid. Just go with it. 

Movealong---- I is jealous of you . The good kind of jealousy Happy you found someone awesome. 

Healer---- who would have though? You are kinda like a man ***** lol kidding. What if you become infatuated with someone who doesn't meet your high standards. 

Bandit---- stop pouting!!! Find you another Syrian or Japanese or Russian or Martian. 

Moxy---- come back soon. 

Fire and everyone else is FWB---- kudos!!


Ah long drive makes me silly! But someone is driving me. I love it!!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I really like the bolded part.
> 
> I dont call it bitterness. Thy are going through a hard time, we (women) go through those as well.
> 
> This weekend made me realized that I enjoy being single. Yes, i get lonely and want someone to talk to but I really like having the liberty to flirt and make out with random men.
> I would not feel okay doing that if I was in a commited relationship.
> 
> I would like to have a "friend" that I can talk to anytime I want, to share my happy news and sad news.
> 
> I am ready for my 2x4: On friday, I received yet another text from Blue wishing me happy halloween (we had talked about it before since it is my favorite holyday (?)
> 
> Anyway, I replied back with a picture of my costume. His answer was "I knew it!!, I was thinking something more alien but ww was my first choice"
> 
> We have been exchanging texts since then. I asked him about his relationship status, he says they are separated. I do not believe it. Why do I need him to give me attention?
> He got a bit flirty a couple of times. I told him I made out with some guys, I sent him couple of photos of the morning after and he said "I looked upset up"
> 
> Anyway.... so I am not such a good person.


Back away from the phone, Ne! 

Block his number. BLOCK HIM. Do NOT let him worm his way back in with you. Do you remember how it made you feel when you found out he was married??? NOTHING has changed with him. He says he's separated. How do you know he's telling the truth? And even if he is, do you want to be the woman who gets between the two of them and a possible reconciliation. 

STOP. NOW. BLOCK. HIM.

You're not a bad person, Ne. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. *But you're making bad choices right now.* Love YOU. Love yourself. Making better choices is how you show yourself love. You deserve so much more than what Blue has to offer, so give it to yourself. Set yourself free from whatever hold he has over you, because you deserve better than his BS. Make better choices.



Another Planet said:


> WTF is wrong with you?!
> He is married.
> NE say you were married to a man you desperately wanted it to work with and you thought you were doing everything to keep it going and then to find out he was cheating on you the entire time?
> Are you honestly so bitter and shallow that you have to ruin someone elses happiness? I know I was.....
> Don't be that person NE! You know how ashamed I am? How disappointed and disgusted I am with myself for involving myself with married and involved women!
> Don't be that person! That stigma never goes away.


^^^ :iagree:


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> Healer---- who would have though? You are kinda like a man ***** lol kidding. What if you become infatuated with someone who doesn't meet your high standards.


I went to a therapist (just one visit - I should go back) and she told me I was a dog (well, said I "was probably viewed as a dog"). That was...startling.

I don't think, after the hot vacuous woman encounter, that I'll fall for someone who doesn't fit my standards. But what the hell do I know.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> *Oh and question for all*: when dating, how long before you would consider or think someone in terms of a LTR potential? Do you know early on? (Or think you do)? Or is it something that after a long time of dating (however long) that you start to think, hmm, maybe this is something? Firebelly made a comment a few pages back that made me wonder about that.


I've never been one for casual dating. I dated a number of guys in college, each of whom I could have been happy with for a period of time, but I knew ultimately that it wouldn't work for LTR, so I broke it off early on. I didn't want to waste my time or their time. I think Fireman was the only guy I've ever dated where I didn't care that the LTR compatibility probably wasn't there, I just wanted him and fvck everything else because it felt so good to be with him.

So, I'm evaluating LTR potential from the very beginning. Initially, I'm looking for things like basic attitude, perspectives on life, political leanings, etc. The most basic of non-negotiables for me. Then I work my way through other factors, I guess. I don't have a checklist or anything, so it's not systemic.


----------



## ne9907

FIP 
Thank you. You kinda get me. I am stuck on him, maybe because he is first and only man I've slept with since ex. Maybe because our dates were great. Whatever the reason he is married. It is as if I've forgotten the hurt infidelities brings

Attraction--- weird thing for me. I haven't been overly attracted to anyone in a very long time. Navy guy is hot but I am not overly attracted to him. Of all the men I've met after ex, I haven't been crazily attracted to anyone yet. Nope, not even blue, he is just a weird situation. Maybe cause I know he wants me and lusts after me so I want his attention


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> FIP
> Thank you. You kinda get me. I am stuck on him, maybe because he is first and only man I've slept with since ex. Maybe because our dates were great. Whatever the reason he is married. It is as if I've forgotten the hurt infidelities brings
> 
> Attraction--- weird thing for me. I haven't been overly attracted to anyone in a very long time. Navy guy is hot but I am not overly attracted to him. Of all the men I've met after ex, I haven't been crazily attracted to anyone yet. Nope, not even blue, he is just a weird situation. Maybe cause I know he wants me and lusts after me so I want his attention


I get you because we're similar in a lot of ways. I'm still hung up on Fireman because he was my first/only (so far) since the my XH. But he's not right for me, and logically I know that, but my vajayjay keeps pulling me in his direction. 

Fireman's life is a mess right now. Blue's life is also a mess right now. 

Stay away from people who don't have their sh!t together.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> I agree that there is a lot of bitterness and generalizing about women here in the last few pages. I was going to respond several times but decided it wasn't even worth it.


Feeling the same way except I have to respond about one thing - seriously peeps, own your sh!t. If you mostly attract/get involved with women who can't open jars of mayo, have a flock of men they rely on for everything, and are permanent damsels in distress - that's on you. One or two is a fluke, but being involved with or even knowing several people like that says a lot more about you than it does them. 

Right now as I'm typing this, I'm watching my lady neighbor next door build a table from scratch. With power tools. Nope, no man needed there. Nor did I need a man when I moved my entire apartment by myself twice, or when I took my car to the mechanic recently for a tune-up.

By the way, the above is something I tell myself all the time. I keep getting involved with guys who fib, bs, and generally play stupid little games to feed their ego's. However, I KNOW not all, or even most men are like that. Continuing to be attracted to these narcissists is MY problem that I need to delve into and fix. Because I can't control anyone other than myself. 

Own it. Fix it. I'm sick of both men and women blaming gender stereotypes for our own internal issues.

#toughlove


----------



## ne9907

Well said BNW

I am a good example. Back in May I went on several dates with a man I call Irish guy. He was slow to make a move, but wanted to introduce me to his kid, and still wants to pursue a serious relationship with me. I will have none of it because well he is not a challenge, and he is close to me. I would see him every weekend. He is safe. 

So yeah.... I simply need to stop wanting attention from men.


Edit: I play little games to feed my ego


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I ended up seeing this gorgeous woman who I thought I was really into - but I wasn't at all. She was hot and she was arm candy, that's all. I paraded her around like a trophy, but I had zero real attraction to her. And my body told me so. That fizzled, and it was for the best. .


How long did you date her? Were you divorced? Is this the one who liked a lot of sexy time but you cut it off because you only wanted FWB?



Healer said:


> I hope that changes. I'd love to have those butterflies again some day.


You will. Give it time.



ne9907 said:


> Find you another Syrian or Japanese or Russian or *Martian*.


:rofl: Good one, Ne.



Healer said:


> But what the hell do I know.


This has become my motto post-divorce.





ne9907 said:


> Attraction--- weird thing for me. I haven't been overly attracted to anyone in a very long time. Navy guy is hot but I am not overly attracted to him. Of all the men I've met after ex, I haven't been crazily attracted to anyone yet.


It will happen, give it time. 

Grandpa was the first man I got really excited/turned on by for absolutely no logical sense whatsoever. It was crazy. Though nothing ultimately came out of it as far as we went, it definitely signaled that I was moving on and away from the divorce. So what I am saying is, you aren't dead and will be really attracted to someone else in due time.



bravenewworld said:


> If you mostly attract/get involved with women who can't open jars of mayo


Made me laugh :rofl:

Plus, everyone knows they have those squeezable mayo bottles now.


----------



## TooNice

i've been reading the last several pages of this with interest. I didn't realize until I moved out how much of a narcissist my STBX is. Seems ridiculous in retrospect that I wouldn't of noticed that. 

As for the part of the conversation about having other people in our ex's lives, I was on board with being a big happy family until I realized that someone had been in his life for sometime. Now I don't want anything to do with her, I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to see her. He blew the Brady Bunch image on that one. If he had met her even six months before I moved out, it would be totally different. I want happiness for him. I truly do, but not with her.

Now, here's my spin on what I need from a man. I think my STBX has been hurt since I moved out. Hurt because I change lightbulbs, I look up owners manuals online, I go to the hardware store. I do things by myself. I even had a major surgery last week. And didn't need him there. I think his narcissism thrived on thinking that I needed him for things. And now that I very clearly don't, he's more alone than he anticipated he would be. Even with the OW in his life.

Here's the part that he doesn't understand. Even when we lived together and I waited to do things so that I could have his help... It was never because I couldn't do it myself. It was always because doing those mundane and boring fix-up-the-house things were part of being a couple. They were part of being a family. I wasn't incapable; I just wanted him there so we could do them together. 

So now, as I start dating, I'm looking for someone who will laugh with me. Someone who will enjoy life's moments with me. Someone who will have intellectual conversations with me. And, yes cuddle on the couch! Those are all important things! But knowing the narcissism I've left behind, I'm not likely to ask for help for awhile.

Anyway, just my two cents. 

And ne-you know this, but you deserve better. You are worth the full and undivided attention of a man who values you.


----------



## TooNice

> Plus, everyone knows they have those squeezable mayo bottles now.



:rofl: Love this!


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> Well said BNW
> 
> I am a good example. Back in May I went on several dates with a man I call Irish guy. He was slow to make a move, but wanted to introduce me to his kid, and still wants to pursue a serious relationship with me. I will have none of it because well he is not a challenge, and he is close to me. I would see him every weekend. He is safe.
> 
> So yeah.... I simply need to stop wanting attention from men.
> 
> 
> Edit: I play little games to feed my ego


What this says to me is that you want attention from men but not a relationship which is fine as long as you are 1) honest with yourself about what you want and 2) aren't engaging with men who's SO's lives you could ruin.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> From Halloween, I uploaded two more on private albums, but those have other people so they shall remain private!


Yum. 


Save me.


----------



## firebelly1

TooNice said:


> Now, here's my spin on what I need from a man. I think my STBX has been hurt since I moved out. Hurt because I change lightbulbs, I look up owners manuals online, I go to the hardware store. I do things by myself. I even had a major surgery last week. And didn't need him there. I think his narcissism thrived on thinking that I needed him for things. And now that I very clearly don't, he's more alone than he anticipated he would be. Even with the OW in his life.
> 
> Here's the part that he doesn't understand. Even when we lived together and I waited to do things so that I could have his help... It was never because I couldn't do it myself. It was always because doing those mundane and boring fix-up-the-house things were part of being a couple. They were part of being a family. I wasn't incapable; I just wanted him there so we could do them together.
> 
> So now, as I start dating, I'm looking for someone who will laugh with me. Someone who will enjoy life's moments with me. Someone who will have intellectual conversations with me. And, yes cuddle on the couch! Those are all important things! But knowing the narcissism I've left behind, I'm not likely to ask for help for awhile.


:iagree: 

It's not that I can't do those things...it's just nice not to have to do them by myself and to have a life that you are sharing and building with someone else.


----------



## TooNice

firebelly1 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> It's not that I can't do those things...it's just nice not to have to do them by myself and to have a life that you are sharing and building with someone else.


*Exactly.*


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> It's not that I can't do those things...it's just nice not to have to do them by myself and to have a life that you are sharing and building with someone else.


Yep. I said it before and I'll say it again...I already have a mother and sisters, I keep a decently tidy house and can cook. Or I can hire a maid and order food. I don't *NEED* a woman in my life for those things, it's just nice to share life with someone.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> How long did you date her? Were you divorced? Is this the one who liked a lot of sexy time but you cut it off because you only wanted FWB?


Probably about a month. Nope - this was back in May 2013. Only about 3 months after separation. We were not sexually compatible. At first I thought it was nerves, then realized my body was saying "run"! She would have bled me dry. Vacuous, and very, very expensive taste. Zero depth. Sexy time girl and I were very sexually compatible, and she's a smart cookie. But I just wasn't feeling it beyond that.

We'll see what tonight brings. Maybe it'll be a match. But I won't get my hopes up.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Yum.
> 
> 
> Save me.


Best Mexican buffet... all I am saying


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Best Mexican buffet... all I am saying


:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

this could be a good read

How Not Understanding The Way Men Hear Your Words Could Be Ruining Your Dating LifeÂ*|Â*Lisa Copeland

Dont read it. It is pointless


BTW Healer, i want butterflies too. Have not felt them since 1999....


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> We'll see what tonight brings. Maybe it'll be a match. But I won't get my hopes up.


I think this is the best way to go about dating. Keep the expectations of the date low. Eventually one will be it.


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Between you, WhiteHawk, and Bandit, the masculine bitterness on this thread is getting a little overwhelming.
> 
> In fact, the three of you make me question why I would even want a man in my life. Because, like moxy, I can open my own jars, I can lift heavy things, I can change out my own tires, and I can support myself financially. I take care of business.
> 
> So, really, why would I--or any woman as self-sufficient as I--ever bother with having or wanting a man in my life?
> 
> For love; for acceptance; for companionship; for the desire to connect emotionally with another person on a deep, intimate level; to be part of a team, to have someone who is always on my side, who I will cheer for and who will cheer for me; to share my life and experiences with another person; to know that my life mattered, even if only to that one person; to know, even when you don't fit anywhere else, that there is one place, with one person, where you will always belong.[
> 
> THAT is why we keep looking. THAT is why we keep wading through all the bullsh!t, and why we keep kissing frogs and why we keep looking for the one with whom we belong.


Fem ,you made my day with that you really did.  my ideal women haha with a mind like that so there ya go.

In the bitter thing , nah not really ,sorry if it comes across like that . l just call it how l see it sometimes it's more a long those lines and it's not really my fault. And some of the stuff the women say is far worse . That's just what so many are putting out. "Not" women l mix with, but a hell of a lot of what l hear and see elsewhere really amazes me .

But what you said up there , now that's a women  . Hang in there ,your days gotta come :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> Fem ,you made my day with that you really did.  my ideal women haha with a mind like that so there ya go.
> 
> In the bitter thing , nah not really ,sorry if it comes across like that . l just call it how l see it sometimes it's more a long those lines and it's not really my fault. And some of the stuff the women say is far worse . That's just what so many are putting out. "Not" women l mix with, but a hell of a lot of what l hear and see elsewhere really amazes me .
> 
> But what you said up there , now that's a women  . Hang in there ,with a mind like that your turns gotta come :smthumbup:


Well, you just made my day with your response 

PS I'm being patient. He'll show up, and in the meantime I'm just gonna keep doing my thing.


----------



## bandit.45

Just got a call from one of my AA sponsors. A guy in our AA group committed suicide yesterday. 

Fvck....


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Just got a call from one of my AA sponsors. A guy in our AA group committed suicide yesterday.
> 
> Fvck....


I am so sorry Bandit...


----------



## whitehawk

Healer said:


> I have no idea. I'm so guarded and walled off since being burnt by my ex wife. I know that early -on - about 3 months after splitting, I had dated a couple women. The first one was _really_ soon - actually she was in between the initial split and our attempted (false) R. She hit on me at a party and we ended up seeing each other for a couple weeks. I remember that first fling or whatever it was after the end of my marriage - the excitement and newness of it - it was amazing. Almost magical. Then I slept with her way too soon. As soon as the ex found out I slept with her, she wanted me back, and I obliged.  So I ended it with the fling. Awful. What a sucker I was.
> 
> Then I ended R after 10 weeks, and started dating within a month after (yup, very soon - but it's what I needed). I ended up seeing this gorgeous woman who I thought I was really into - but I wasn't at all. She was hot and she was arm candy, that's all. I paraded her around like a trophy, but I had zero real attraction to her. And my body told me so. That fizzled, and it was for the best.
> 
> Since then I've had several lovers, non of whom I've had real feelings for. I'm still in self protection mode and not even allowing myself to be open to having real feelings for someone. Kinda sad but not surprising or unusual, I reckon.
> 
> Now? I'm starting to feel like I'd like a girlfriend. But my standards are high and I'm still in self-protection mode. I honestly don't know how to open myself to have real feelings at this point.
> 
> I hope that changes. I'd love to have those butterflies again some day.


Don't worry about a thing H . The right women just puts the whole bs on the shelf and auto pilot takes it from there . Just takes time.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bandit.45 said:


> Just got a call from one of my AA sponsors. A guy in our AA group committed suicide yesterday.
> 
> Fvck....


That's too bad - sorry to hear that.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Just got a call from one of my AA sponsors. A guy in our AA group committed suicide yesterday.
> 
> Fvck....


So sorry, Bandit.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> FIP
> Thank you. You kinda get me. I am stuck on him, maybe because he is first and only man I've slept with since ex. Maybe because our dates were great. Whatever the reason he is married. It is as if I've forgotten the hurt infidelities brings
> 
> Attraction--- weird thing for me. I haven't been overly attracted to anyone in a very long time. Navy guy is hot but I am not overly attracted to him. Of all the men I've met after ex, I haven't been crazily attracted to anyone yet. Nope, not even blue, he is just a weird situation. Maybe cause I know he wants me and lusts after me so I want his attention



l love it when a chick knows l lust after her , she gets all funny and flirty and flaunty , l love that . Sometimes , lf l like the kinda person she is , l just let her lap up me lusting after her .


----------



## bandit.45

Thanks guys. He had been suffering from depression for a while. It was no surprise, but still very tragic.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Just got a call from one of my AA sponsors. A guy in our AA group committed suicide yesterday.
> 
> Fvck....


Sorry, B....


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks guys. He had been suffering from depression for a while. It was no surprise, but still very tragic.


Depression is awful, so is PTSD... ouch. 
Are you okay?


----------



## movealong

That sucks, bandit. I am sorry to hear it.


----------



## RandomDude

My home has become feminised, including my cat. Now not only does my daughter stay every weekend, but her belongings have grown over the months. Including new things for my poor cross-dressing cat to wear. Seriously I wonder if it's animal abuse. 

Not to mention FWB has lended her 'woman's touch' to my apartment. Bah! Well at least it's not pink yet unless daughter decides to blu-tack her drawings everywhere. *sigh*

Makes me wonder how life would have been if I had a son instead, but whatever, I love my daughter. Just... meh, wrist getting loose.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> My home has become feminised, including my cat. Now not only does my daughter stay every weekend, but her belongings have grown over the months. Including new things for my poor cross-dressing cat to wear. Seriously I wonder if it's animal abuse.
> 
> Not to mention FWB has lended her 'woman's touch' to my apartment. Bah! Well at least it's not pink yet unless daughter decides to blu-tack her drawings everywhere. *sigh*
> 
> Makes me wonder how life would have been if I had a son instead, but whatever, I love my daughter. Just... meh, wrist getting loose.


:lol::rofl: I swear you are fvckin trolling us sometimes...
She's definitely NOT your GF smh


----------



## RandomDude

Just taking the piss 

Btw what? GF? smh? :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> My home has become feminised, including my cat. Now not only does my daughter stay every weekend, but her belongings have grown over the months. Including new things for my poor cross-dressing cat to wear. Seriously I wonder if it's animal abuse.
> 
> Not to mention FWB has lended her 'woman's touch' to my apartment. Bah! Well at least it's not pink yet unless daughter decides to blu-tack her drawings everywhere. *sigh*
> 
> Makes me wonder how life would have been if I had a son instead, but whatever, I love my daughter. Just... meh, wrist getting loose.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I swear you are fvckin trolling us sometimes...
> She's definitely NOT your GF smh
Click to expand...

Haha
Agree with AP here..... They will soon get married and she will still be his fwb


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? A woman lending her touch to my apartment is that bad? Besides she sleeps over often enough, she can do whatever she likes with the place within reason.

Besides most of the feminisation of my home and pet is done by my daughter not FWB, fluff rings on his paws and so on. Have to say though, rather hilarious whenever he tries to flick them off while walking!

But seriously - no, I don't get how you guys can consider FWB and I bf/gf when neither of us have romantic feelings for each other either than friendship and sex.


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> Depression is awful, so is PTSD... ouch.
> Are you okay?


Yes. I'm fine. Just very sad that this guy chose to end his life. He was only in his thirties.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

So, apparently I have exhausted the supposedly endless supply of eligible males on Tinder. I have swiped through them all! LOL

I guess this means I need to try a real online dating site? The horror!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> So, apparently I have exhausted the supposedly endless supply of eligible males on Tinder. I have swiped through them all! LOL
> 
> I guess this means I need to try a real online dating site? The horror!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just got back from a Tinder date. It went rather well. She ended by saying "so we'll see each other again? I'm really glad I met you". We're seeing each other again. I wanted to kiss her goodnight but I didn't. I resisted the urge.

Keep swiping!


----------



## RandomDude

The hell is Tinder? :scratchhead:

Meh, was going to suggest offline dating, but then I don't want to bible bash that too much, considering quite a few of my posts in this thread has been "My advice? GO OFFLINE!"

Why don't you go offline feministinpink? In fact, tell me everyone, despite numerous discussions of the advantages that offline dating has compared to online, why do you still stick to online dating?


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> The hell is Tinder? :scratchhead:
> 
> Meh, was going to suggest offline dating, but then I don't want to bible bash that too much, considering quite a few of my posts in this thread has been "My advice? GO OFFLINE!"
> 
> Why don't you go offline feministinpink? In fact, tell me everyone, despite numerous discussions of the advantages that offline dating has compared to online, why do you still stick to online dating?


It's the app that was responsible for the really good date I had tonight.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Just got a call from one of my AA sponsors. A guy in our AA group committed suicide yesterday.
> 
> Fvck....



I'm so sorry for your loss, bandit. That's really rough. Hang in there.


----------



## moxy

Ne -- what are you doing? Block that dude on your phone! You are attractive and you will meet someone who isn't married -- but only if you are not attached to this guy. He's no bueno.

Update: I'm over ex-h. Took a while, but I know it know. I'm still broken-hearted over Guy, because I liked him much more than I was willing to admit. However, he is no longer in town and is basically not in touch with me, so that's that. So...I might have a Tinder date next week; attractive guy and I have been texting for a week or so and talking in the phone. We'll see how it goes, if it goes.


----------



## whitehawk

Decided to zap it , best as another topic somewhere more suitable .


----------



## Fenix

You guys were on fire yesterday! This working gig prevents me from keeping up. 



ne9907 said:


> I am ready for my 2x4: On friday, I received yet another text from Blue wishing me happy halloween (we had talked about it before since it is my favorite holyday (?)
> 
> Anyway, I replied back with a picture of my costume. His answer was "I knew it!!, I was thinking something more alien but ww was my first choice"
> 
> We have been exchanging texts since then. I asked him about his relationship status, he says they are separated. I do not believe it. Why do I need him to give me attention?
> He got a bit flirty a couple of times. I told him I made out with some guys, I sent him couple of photos of the morning after and he said "I looked upset up"
> 
> Anyway.... so I am not such a good person.


 *slap* Ne, you are making the choice to be a shallow, selfish person. What you are doing to his wife is horrendous....and all to feed your ego. He is married. Even if he was separated, he is not a candidate for you. You never felt emotionally safe with him, never felt respected or honored by him. Wake up and go get some counseling. You are disrespecting both yourself and his wife. THIS is why you should have blown the whistle on him. It would have created some boundaries. But now? Looks like you are happy to break through those moral boundaries. 



movealong said:


> Yeah, and that is why we keep trying to knock some of those witches off their brooms, lol!
> 
> HS and I are getting along very good. There is communication, both open and honest, without the silly games. No rush to the alter, but looking at near term with LTR possibility. Both of us understand that we have our own lives and priorities right now, but we enjoy each other, so we are spending time together when we can.
> 
> So far, so good. And my god, she actually enjoys sex. I am beside myself. LOL!


 Yay! It is fun, isn't it?



Jellybeans said:


> *Oh and question for all*: when dating, how long before you would consider or think someone in terms of a LTR potential? Do you know early on? (Or think you do)? Or is it something that after a long time of dating (however long) that you start to think, hmm, maybe this is something? Firebelly made a comment a few pages back that made me wonder about that.


 I wanted to wait 2 years; with just dating and FWBs during that time. But that is not how it happened and I still have mixed feelings. I am with a guy who is on the exact same timeline as I am post divorce. He is very committed and LTR oriented. I am the one who is constantly putting on the brakes. But, tbh, I have never been with someone who is so fun, smart, unselfish and the longer we are together, the better he treats me. He makes me laugh and he makes me sigh. The funny thing is I would never have picked him out on the street. Physically, he isn't really my type (by society's standards, I am way hotter.  ) But omigod, the things he does. The longer I am with him, the hotter he is to me. The compatibility, the fun, the discussion, the generosity of spirit...it is all so good.

But hey, it could still be a rebound! 



firebelly1 said:


> I've asked myself the same question. I'm not entirely physically attracted to my new FWB (although I might be more so if he made a few changes in his appearance), and he is content being an every-other weekend dad and I don't have much respect for that point of view. Those two things make me think he isn't LTR material for me. However, like I said, the sex is great. And we actually communicate very well. So, there are moments when I wonder if my expectations for a LTR are off. What I think I want is not actually what's good for me.
> 
> That last part is about me not trusting myself still to pick a good LTR partner in general.


 See above.



ne9907 said:


> Well said BNW
> 
> I am a good example. Back in May I went on several dates with a man I call Irish guy. He was slow to make a move, but wanted to introduce me to his kid, and still wants to pursue a serious relationship with me. I will have none of it because well he is not a challenge, and he is close to me. I would see him every weekend. He is safe.
> 
> So yeah.... I simply need to stop wanting attention from men.
> 
> 
> Edit: I play little games to feed my ego


You need therapy. You are sabotaging yourself and others with your behavior. If you don't stop, you will become the woman that you used to hate.

Act in a way that* you* can respect.


----------



## Arendt

I've not had much free time the past few weeks. I just took a job teaching at a major university, but am also in talks with a nonprofit in my current city about teaching men who have been convicted of domestic violence to be nonviolent and to help them rethink their views of gender. 

Guatemalan and I see each other pretty much everyday now. Last night we had a tequila tasting party at a local restaurant with six other friends...vegetarian fusion 5 course meal of Mexican and American food. I won that as part of some prize for the local film festival. We have a lot of fun together. She gets along well with my friends, at least the more down to earth ones who can engage with her on a level that doesn't require a graduate degree. So that is good.

she's in a speech class and has to give a persuasive speech. She decided on vegetarianism: trying to convince a bunch of wannabe cops to go veg. It is good for her regardless. I often help her edit her papers because her writing in English is not as good as her speaking. 

Anyway...my life is going pretty well.


----------



## Arendt

TooNice said:


> I want happiness for him. I truly do, but not with her.


More angry or upset with her than him? If so, why would that be?


----------



## firebelly1

So yay me. Something that used to drive me CRAZY about my ex is that I would ask him to do something, he would say he would do it, but time would tick on without him doing it. Eventually I caught on to the fact that when he agreed to do something I also needed to get him to tell me WHEN he would do it. But by that time our marriage was unravelling for other reasons. He would hem and haw around timelines and I would let it go, not wanting to be pushy. 

So fast forward...there is a financial matter that I need him to take care of. 10 days ago he said he would do it. I didn't press him for a timeline. 5 days ago I reminded him and he said he would do it "today or tomorrow." Didn't happen. So this morning I asked him in a text when he would be making the call. He didn't respond to my text but DID manage to find time to place a word on the Words with Friends game we were playing. (roll eyes) 

What I would normally have done in this case, because I didn't want to be pushy, is play my next Word and say nothing about my text. But instead I messaged him on Words with Friends saying "When are you going to make that phone call?" I'm not going to let him ignore the question and I'm not playing my damn Word til he answers the gd question. 

This sounds incredibly tame as I'm writing it but it's kind of a big deal for me. Now, what I'm hoping is that this willingness to stand up for myself continues in other relationships and it's not just happening because I don't give a sh*t what this particular person thinks of me anymore.


----------



## Jellybeans

Fenix said:


> I wanted to wait 2 years; with just dating and FWBs during that time. But that is not how it happened and I still have mixed feelings. I am with a guy who is on the exact same timeline as I am post divorce. He is very committed and LTR oriented. I am the one who is constantly putting on the brakes. But, tbh, I have never been with someone who is so fun, smart, unselfish and the longer we are together, the better he treats me. He makes me laugh and he makes me sigh. The funny thing is I would never have picked him out on the street. Physically, he isn't really my type (by society's standards, I am way hotter.  ) But omigod, the things he does. The longer I am with him, the hotter he is to me. The compatibility, the fun, the discussion, the generosity of spirit...it is all so good.


Wait, but you still didn't answer - how long of seeing that guy before you started thinking he was LTR?


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Not to mention FWB has lended her 'woman's touch' to my apartment.





RandomDude said:


> Ey? A woman lending her touch to my apartment is that bad? Besides she sleeps over often enough, she can do whatever she likes with the place within reason.





Another Planet said:


> She's definitely NOT your GF smh


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, apparently I have exhausted the supposedly endless supply of eligible males on Tinder. I have swiped through them all! LOL
> 
> I guess this means I need to try a real online dating site? The horror!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Delete your account and create it again. It will populate with men.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> *slap* Ne, you are making the choice to be a shallow, selfish person. What you are doing to his wife is horrendous....and all to feed your ego. He is married. Even if he was separated, he is not a candidate for you. You never felt emotionally safe with him, never felt respected or honored by him. Wake up and go get some counseling. You are disrespecting both yourself and his wife. *THIS is why you should have blown the whistle on him. * It would have created some boundaries. But now? Looks like you are happy to break through those moral boundaries.
> 
> 
> You need therapy. You are sabotaging yourself and others with your behavior. If you don't stop, you will become the woman that you used to hate.
> 
> Act in a way that* you* can respect.


Is it too late to blow the whistle? I must admit I do not do it because I am afraid she will not believe me and blame me. I am also afraid I will never hear from him again. Isnt this pathetic?

I am in therapy. Some days I reflect on my actions and like what I see, other days not so much. Suffice to say, i am not very happy with myself. I am having fun being single. 

Geez, Divorce is so life shattering, I am still reeling from everything. Most days I want to run away to Montana or Wyoming and live my life as a hermit. I would love that. I would love to wake up to the crisp cold winter air, feed some chickens, read some novels, ride a horse, go to sleep, and do it all over again.
Other days, I feel the cold air on my skin and I want strong arms to surround me and hold me forever. But the thought terrifies me. I was married for 14 years (well technically 15 since divorce happened at 15 year mark). 

Last night I had a dream about ex husband, I cannot remember much except that I felt at peace. I felt he no longer loved me and hadnt for a long time. This gave me great sense of calm because I do not love him anymore. But why is it important that he does NOT love me in order for me to move on?


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I've not had much free time the past few weeks. I just took a job teaching at a major university, but am also in talks with a nonprofit in my current city about teaching men who have been convicted of domestic violence to be nonviolent and to help them rethink their views of gender.
> 
> Guatemalan and I see each other pretty much everyday now. Last night we had a tequila tasting party at a local restaurant with six other friends...vegetarian fusion 5 course meal of Mexican and American food. I won that as part of some prize for the local film festival. We have a lot of fun together. She gets along well with my friends, at least the more down to earth ones who can engage with her on a level that doesn't require a graduate degree. So that is good.
> 
> she's in a speech class and has to give a persuasive speech. She decided on vegetarianism: trying to convince a bunch of wannabe cops to go veg. It is good for her regardless. I often help her edit her papers because her writing in English is not as good as her speaking.
> 
> Anyway...my life is going pretty well.


Arendt, all of this is awesome! Would the non-profit gig be something part-time, or something in addition to the university job?


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> Arendt, all of this is awesome! Would the non-profit gig be something part-time, or something in addition to the university job?


I'm in discussion with them about that. I feel like I need to keep my feet only partly in the university and partly in some kind of justice work with people who do not have graduate degrees, for my own sanity and my own integrity. I didn't get an education to be a careerist; I got one to be an agent of peace and change. The university is not a very good context for that. But there are some things that can be done there, and I like some aspects of that whole life. So I am going to experiment a little. My background is a good fit for the peace work at the nonprofit. I bring a lot of skills.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> The hell is Tinder? :scratchhead:
> 
> Meh, was going to suggest offline dating, but then I don't want to bible bash that too much, considering quite a few of my posts in this thread has been "My advice? GO OFFLINE!"
> 
> Why don't you go offline feministinpink? In fact, tell me everyone, despite numerous discussions of the advantages that offline dating has compared to online, why do you still stick to online dating?


Who says I'm not? lol

--I asked PhD guy for coffee, he's going to ping me when he's back in town so we can get together
--I met a guy in my Ravens fan group who seems interested in me, so I'm going to see where that goes
--A good friend of mine is apparently on the lookout to set me up on some blind dates (for some reason, he is super invested in finding me a man)
--Said good friend is in a competitive karaoke league, and I sometimes go with him. One of his teammates has a friend who I think is attractive, and whom I'm considering asking out. But I need to get up the courage to actually talk to him first.

I also think I'm going to give speed dating another chance, after the first of the year. I don't really have the time or the $ to tackle that right now.

But TBH, in my city, it can be hard to meet people. I've been doing my MeetUp group thing, which has been great for staying social and meeting new friends. Not so great for meeting single men in my age bracket. I've met a number of nice guys who were single, but they're also way too old for me. Or I meet divorced guys who are bitter and say they want to meet someone, but they clearly hate women. There are two types of bars in this city: meat markets and those where all people do it network and politic. I hate politicking (so disingenuous!), and I'm not interested in barflys, anyway. So, that leaves me with online dating, unless my friend finds me a sexy man.

But also... I am incredibly shy when trying to talk to someone I don't know whom I find attractive. As in, I become totally mute. I can talk to anyone in any situation. Heck, I once walked up to Billy Joel and his daughter on the street when I was in NYC and just started gabbing away. I talk to people in line at the grocery, at the bookstore, on the subway. But if there's a guy I think is attractive, I get tongue-tied and my brain totally shuts down. Starting off online is much easier for me.

Then again... I'm not really investing a lot of time or energy into meeting single guys and dating, whether it's online or off. If I meet someone I like, then I'll go for it. Otherwise, I'm just having fun doing my thing.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> --I asked PhD guy for coffee, he's going to ping me when he's back in town so we can get together


Interesting. Did you make it to his dissertation defense?


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Interesting. Did you make it to his dissertation defense?


I was going to, but I had a bunch of last-minute work things come up that interfered, unfortunately.

It may be for the best, because as much as I like him, I'm not sure I could listen to ANYONE talk about the National Security Council for 90 minutes.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I'm in discussion with them about that. I feel like I need to keep my feet only partly in the university and partly in some kind of justice work with people who do not have graduate degrees, for my own sanity and my own integrity. I didn't get an education to be a careerist;* I got one to be an agent of peace and change. The university is not a very good context for that. *But there are some things that can be done there, and I like some aspects of that whole life. So I am going to experiment a little. My background is a good fit for the peace work at the nonprofit. I bring a lot of skills.


Very true!

Sounds like a good plan. You can always transition out of academia into non-profit full-time later, or vice versa, if you find that one is better for you than the other.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So male BFF called out of the blue to tell me he is second guessing his new girlfriend wanting him to move in and tells me about some of the issues in a generic way. SMH

I'm hearing "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette in my head right now.


----------



## moxy

So, I have a date next week with a guy from Tinder. We seem to get along very well on the phone and text, but we got way too flirty on the phone. And, now I'm nervous. I don't love the way my body looks right now. There are plenty of men who do like my booty and my boobs, but...because I like this guy a bit, I'm suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He's a bit of a gym rat, so he's all kinds of buff. Claims he likes my curves. He's seen my figure because I did show him photos. But...we haven't met in person, yet. So, you never know if there will be chemistry or not until then. You know? It's easier when you meet someone in person and all that has been contextualized ahead of time. I won't be heartbroken if we don't hit it off, but a disappointed. I'm thinking that I shouldn't hook up with him on a first date, even if there is chemistry, but I'm not sure how good I'd be at resisting the temptation.  oh, such an awkward situation.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> So, I have a date next week with a guy from Tinder. We seem to get along very well on the phone and text, but we got way too flirty on the phone. And, now I'm nervous. I don't love the way my body looks right now. There are plenty of men who do like my booty and my boobs, but...because I like this guy a bit, I'm suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He's a bit of a gym rat, so he's all kinds of buff. Claims he likes my curves. He's seen my figure because I did show him photos. But...we haven't met in person, yet. So, you never know if there will be chemistry or not until then. You know? It's easier when you meet someone in person and all that has been contextualized ahead of time. I won't be heartbroken if we don't hit it off, but a disappointed. I'm thinking that I shouldn't hook up with him on a first date, even if there is chemistry, but I'm not sure how good I'd be at resisting the temptation.  oh, such an awkward situation.


All I can say is you never know what another person is attracted to. 
I know speaking for myself I have no "body type" that I am most attracted to, as long as I am decently attracted to your body and we get along personally I wouldn't even think twice.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Who says I'm not? lol ...


Ah, tis good 

I tried meetup for a while, had similar results, lots of people to meet and mingle, but few my type. Turned out the best approach (for me) was to simply spot the pretty lady in random locations and use any excuse to strike up a conversation (  )

Though I can be shy too at times - but only during "butterfly moments"! Those times when there's romance in the air... my brain waves get traffic jammed. Then officially I claim - 'just wait! I'm planning my approach! gotta be smooth and all that'...

... but in reality it's more like 'please wait, give me a minute to grow some balls!'  Bah! Thankfully it hasn't happened in a while since the last one with the near-10 yr age difference.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> So, I have a date next week with a guy from Tinder. We seem to get along very well on the phone and text, but we got way too flirty on the phone. And, now I'm nervous. I don't love the way my body looks right now. There are plenty of men who do like my booty and my boobs, but...because I like this guy a bit, I'm suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He's a bit of a gym rat, so he's all kinds of buff. Claims he likes my curves. He's seen my figure because I did show him photos. But...we haven't met in person, yet. So, you never know if there will be chemistry or not until then. You know? It's easier when you meet someone in person and all that has been contextualized ahead of time. I won't be heartbroken if we don't hit it off, but a disappointed. I'm thinking that I shouldn't hook up with him on a first date, even if there is chemistry, but I'm not sure how good I'd be at resisting the temptation.  oh, such an awkward situation.


Now tis not a good time to be self-conscious about your body, besides as AP mentioned, and as the old saying goes; beauty is in the eye of the beholder - always! You be thinking too much, so chillax and look at it from a fun point of view - you got a date!

Besides if I was you, I would want to meet this person ASAP to see if there IS chemistry, risking disappointment is better than holding onto nothing no?


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> So male BFF called out of the blue to tell me he is second guessing his new girlfriend wanting him to move in and tells me about some of the issues in a generic way. SMH
> 
> I'm hearing "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette in my head right now.


is he your best friend (male) How does that work? 
hmmm... I definitely do not have a male BFF.



moxy said:


> So, I have a date next week with a guy from Tinder. We seem to get along very well on the phone and text, but we got way too flirty on the phone. And, now I'm nervous. I don't love the way my body looks right now. There are plenty of men who do like my booty and my boobs, but...because I like this guy a bit, I'm suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He's a bit of a gym rat, so he's all kinds of buff. Claims he likes my curves. He's seen my figure because I did show him photos. But...we haven't met in person, yet. So, you never know if there will be chemistry or not until then. You know? It's easier when you meet someone in person and all that has been contextualized ahead of time. I won't be heartbroken if we don't hit it off, but a disappointed. *I'm thinking that I shouldn't hook up with him on a first date*, even if there is chemistry, but I'm not sure how good I'd be at resisting the temptation.  oh, such an awkward situation.


Do not hook up! Let him get to know you first 
Good luck! You are a beautiful woman. It will be wonderful. Enjoy it! Perhaps I should get back on Tinder 




Another Planet said:


> All I can say is you never know what another person is attracted to.
> I know speaking for myself I have no "body type" that I am most attracted to, as long as I am decently attracted to your body and we get along personally I wouldn't even think twice.


Totally agree with you.


----------



## firebelly1

moxy said:


> So, I have a date next week with a guy from Tinder. We seem to get along very well on the phone and text, but we got way too flirty on the phone. And, now I'm nervous. I don't love the way my body looks right now. There are plenty of men who do like my booty and my boobs, but...because I like this guy a bit, I'm suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He's a bit of a gym rat, so he's all kinds of buff. Claims he likes my curves. He's seen my figure because I did show him photos. But...we haven't met in person, yet. So, you never know if there will be chemistry or not until then. You know? It's easier when you meet someone in person and all that has been contextualized ahead of time. I won't be heartbroken if we don't hit it off, but a disappointed. I'm thinking that I shouldn't hook up with him on a first date, even if there is chemistry, but I'm not sure how good I'd be at resisting the temptation.  oh, such an awkward situation.


I hear ya. I get nervous that in person a guy won't find me as attractive as he might have looking at my photos. I've actually shut down my Match profile because I realized the guys I'm attracted to are in shape and want girls who are in shape, and I'm not yet. Working on it, but not yet. I had been toying with not dating til I lost a certain amount of weight and went back and forth. I'm now firmly in the waiting til I lose weight camp, although it hasn't kept me from seeking out, finding, and maintaining FWB's. Which is interesting.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> is he your best friend (male) How does that work?
> hmmm... I definitely do not have a male BFF.


Thought tis a normal thing for women to have a gay best friend no? Heh, nevermind... I always found it amusing tis all. But what if he be straight? Might give off the impression of an 'orbiter'!



firebelly1 said:


> although it hasn't kept me from seeking out, finding, and maintaining FWB's. Which is interesting.


FWBs for the win!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> But why is it important that he does NOT love me in order for me to move on?


Less loose ends, no one on your back, and knowing that you have nothing to look back to, which makes you look forward - and tis a good thing.

But hey I also had a dream, I dreamt I was attacked by hooligans after shopping and then sued for defending myself. Don't know if it's better than dreaming about an ex, but WTF?! Meh


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I hear ya. I get nervous that in person a guy won't find me as attractive as he might have looking at my photos. I've actually shut down my Match profile because I realized the guys I'm attracted to are in shape and want girls who are in shape, and I'm not yet. Working on it, but not yet. I had been toying with not dating til I lost a certain amount of weight and went back and forth. I'm now firmly in the waiting til I lose weight camp, although it hasn't kept me from seeking out, finding, and maintaining FWB's. Which is interesting.


I feel similarly... I want to be a better version of me before I REALLY put myself out there. Not only will I look better, but I'll feel better and more confident. The few shots I've taken in the interim were because I knew I would hate myself later for passing up the opportunity. 

But I haven't really been interested in finding a FWB in between...


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> I hear ya. I get nervous that in person a guy won't find me as attractive as he might have looking at my photos. I've actually shut down my Match profile because I realized the guys I'm attracted to are in shape and want girls who are in shape, and I'm not yet. Working on it, but not yet. I had been toying with not dating til I lost a certain amount of weight and went back and forth. I'm now firmly in the waiting til I lose weight camp, although it hasn't kept me from seeking out, finding, and maintaining FWB's. Which is interesting.


I used to worry about this. Especially because I look rather pretty in pictures, and I felt nothing like my photos. 
I no longer worry about it, if they do not find me attractive that is okay (as long as I do not obsess with them)

Someone posted something rather interesting on another thread, he said that it does not matter how attractive a woman is to the rest of the world, it matter what the man feels about her. There is always something a man finds attractive in a woman, something whether it is her smile, her teeth, her eyes, something...

So there you all haveit! Own it!!! 
Oh BTW listen to the song "I am all about the bass" if you feel down because of your weight! I totally love it

As far as Navy guy goes, I think he just wasnt into me. I know he found me attractive, I feel he just isnt ready for what I wanted out of him which is a nice romantic relationship. I really liked him!!! Damn his Navy ass!!! just kidding


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Thought tis a normal thing for women to have a gay best friend no? Heh, nevermind... I always found it amusing tis all. But what if he be straight? Might give off the impression of an 'orbiter'!


My best friend, who lives several states away, is female. Other than her, most of my friends are male; some are straight, some are gay. I do have some female friends, but they're more on the periphery of my social sphere and are more compartmentalized. (Like I have my "writing friends" who I see occasionally to talk about writing stuff, or we actually sit and write together, and I have my "karaoke friends" who I do karaoke with. But despite my efforts, I don't see any of these friends outside these activities, with a few noteable, worthy exceptions.) But I'm trying to work on those and develop those friendships a little more.

TBH, I've always felt more comfortable hanging out with guys, even back when I was in middle school and high school. The guys were just always more fun and interesting than the girls. (Looking back, I see now that some of those boys probably had crushes on me, but never said anything about it.)

But also... women can be really b!tchy!!! (Present company excluded, of course!) I've just heard too many women talk sh!t about other women (and sometimes about men) behind their backs, and that's something I simply won't tolerate. It's like Mean Girls, but the adult version. Finding women similar to me, who WON'T do that, isn't terribly easy, and when you do, you don't always have enough in common to sustain a long-term friendship.

I met a great female friend through an Italian language course. She was going through a divorce when I met her, and then later as I was going through mine, she was very supportive. But then she stopped taking the Italian class; she lives pretty far outside the city and telecommutes a lot, so even on days when she works in the city, she doesn't like to stay past 7 pm or so... it just got harder and harder to make plans, but I kept making the effort. I invited her out for this past New Year's Eve, but she had plans; she said we should get together another time, so I followed up with her after NYE, but she never responded. And that was it for me... I didn't understand why I was bothering with all this effort when she didn't seem all that interested in maintaining the friendship. And really, besides our interest in Italian and our relationship travails, we didn't really have much in common.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I hear ya. *I get nervous that in person a guy won't find me as attractive as he might have looking at my photos.* I've actually shut down my Match profile because I realized the guys I'm attracted to are in shape and want girls who are in shape, and I'm not yet. Working on it, but not yet. I had been toying with not dating til I lost a certain amount of weight and went back and forth. I'm now firmly in the waiting til I lose weight camp, although it hasn't kept me from seeking out, finding, and maintaining FWB's. Which is interesting.


Oh, and I forgot to say, though I do feel the opposite of the bolded statement above. I think I look better in person that I do in photos, though I've gotten better at the photo thing since a friend gave me some tips about how to hold my head and the camera, etc. I think I come off much better in person, plus in person you have body language, etc. 

I just want better photos so I'll get more hits and, hopefully, more dates! :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Weird
I just received a text from a friend in OK where ex recides. Apparently, he is really excited because he has a date on saturday and posted it on FB.

When I read the text, I rolled my eyes and thought to myself "omg, he is one of those people who post EVERYTHING on FB"
I dislike those people..... I never post anything personal on FB.

Oh I didnt asnwer the text from this friend. She is always noseying around my life and telling me all about whatever ex is doing.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> My best friend, who lives several states away, is female. Other than her, most of my friends are male; some are straight, some are gay. I do have some female friends, but they're more on the periphery of my social sphere and are more compartmentalized. (Like I have my "writing friends" who I see occasionally to talk about writing stuff, or we actually sit and write together, and I have my "karaoke friends" who I do karaoke with. But despite my efforts, I don't see any of these friends outside these activities, with a few noteable, worthy exceptions.) But I'm trying to work on those and develop those friendships a little more.
> 
> TBH, I've always felt more comfortable hanging out with guys, even back when I was in middle school and high school. The guys were just always more fun and interesting than the girls. (Looking back, I see now that some of those boys probably had crushes on me, but never said anything about it.)
> 
> But also... women can be really b!tchy!!! (Present company excluded, of course!) I've just heard too many women talk sh!t about other women (and sometimes about men) behind their backs, and that's something I simply won't tolerate. It's like Mean Girls, but the adult version. Finding women similar to me, who WON'T do that, isn't terribly easy, and when you do, you don't always have enough in common to sustain a long-term friendship...


Yes I've also heard many women voice similar opinions about other women. Tis a world that I will never understand, a lady's world that is...

I don't know which age this female b--chiness kicks in however, considering my daughter has mostly female friends. Or maybe she be the 'queen b--ch' that's why lol

Yet she seems to 'terrorise' the boys not the girls so *shrug* ... which I'm happy for btw! Much better than her kissing them years ago, bah!


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> All I can say is you never know what another person is attracted to.
> 
> I know speaking for myself I have no "body type" that I am most attracted to, as long as I am decently attracted to your body and we get along personally I wouldn't even think twice.



That is very encouraging and supportive. Thank you for the expression of positivity, AP. Stress at work has me feeling vulnerable. And, I'm prone to talking myself out of having fun when I'm stressed, but your words remind me to stop being obsessive about my anxieties.

--
Also, I'm glad to hear I am not the only one on the thread who gets anxious about stuff like this. Usually, I don't care. Usually, I think that if someone doesn't want me, it's no big deal because others do. In this case, we've kinda built a little bit of an emotional connection with some interesting momentum, here, and if the physical doesn't match, it's really going to hurt. So, I'm internalizing the fact that I am not the perfect me that I wish I were, but the imperfect one that recognizes the risks of vulnerability.


----------



## moxy

NE, you should sever ties with all the people who still connect you to your ex. You should block Blue Eyes from your phone. And, you should not go out with married guys. 

You want a relationship. You deserve a good one, right? Seek it out. Go back on Tinder. Go on *******. Go to Plenty of Fish or Match. Anyone will be better than the previous two that didn't work out. 

You've gotta let go and move on and not regress in moments of weakness -- not back to Irish, not back to BLue Eyes, not back to your Ex. 

Time for someone entirely new.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



moxy said:


> NE, you should sever ties with all the people who still connect you to your ex. You should block Blue Eyes from your phone. And, you should not go out with married guys.
> 
> You want a relationship. You deserve a good one, right? Seek it out. Go back on Tinder. Go on *******. Go to Plenty of Fish or Match. Anyone will be better than the previous two that didn't work out.
> 
> You've gotta let go and move on and not regress in moments of weakness -- not back to Irish, not back to BLue Eyes, not back to your Ex.
> 
> Time for someone entirely new.


Or maybe she should just focus on time with herself 

And moxy, just be confident in your bad self. You are sexy, no matter your size. Own it!! You are a sexual being. Just cuz you feel jiggly doesn't mean you can't make him c*m like he never has before


----------



## moxy

Vi, true about the being alone thing. I just jumped to relationship mode because NE seems to want a connection to a guy, right now. Alone time is also good, though!!

I'm pretty sure I'm the right kind of freak in bed that would make this guy forget about everything else, but...I just find that I'm feeling anxious and nervous about my own body and its less than perfect condition. I usually don't feel self-conscious like this. 

I figured out what's getting to me. This guy and I have a nice emotional connection. It's enjoyable. I feel guilty about it because I'm still hung up on Guy. There's a momentum, there. If we meet and have no physical connection or chemistry, I will feel disappointed. Because it's easier for me to internalize potential failure and externalizer potential faith in someone's abilities (yeah, totally effed up, I know!), it's easier for me to think "oh, he won't like my body" than to think "there may not be a spark". So, basically I have to stop creating blame for no reason and embrace uncertainty.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I used to worry about this. Especially because I look rather pretty in pictures, and I felt nothing like my photos.
> I no longer worry about it, if they do not find me attractive that is okay (as long as I do not obsess with them)
> 
> Someone posted something rather interesting on another thread, he said that it does not matter how attractive a woman is to the rest of the world, it matter what the man feels about her. There is always something a man finds attractive in a woman, something whether it is her smile, her teeth, her eyes, something...
> 
> So there you all haveit! Own it!!!
> 
> 
> And he was spot on ne.
> l actually feel a bit miss leading when l say T is such a hottie or talk about looks in that way bc there is so much more to it.
> The person being attractive is 10x more important than the package to me .
> Bc if the person just doesn't make me just love her , do it for me , it doesn't matter what she looks like ,l feel nothing.
> 
> Like some sort of looks that l like or you could say features more so , are really really nice but long term , it's the person, her ways, her feelings on things , the whole deal, that makes me wanna love her and touch her. Everything fans out from there for me.
> 
> There's a certain type of personality , way , we were talking about it in another thread and one guy knew exactly what l meant.
> But if she has that way , l'm done for :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

I could say there is that one type of person in particular but it doesn't mean order that one.
That's just one type of thing l know l love. But anything can happen and maybe you meet someone that just has other things or is nothing like it but the results the same .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Vi, true about the being alone thing. I just jumped to relationship mode because NE seems to want a connection to a guy, right now. Alone time is also good, though!!
> 
> I'm pretty sure I'm the right kind of freak in bed that would make this guy forget about everything else, but...I just find that I'm feeling anxious and nervous about my own body and its less than perfect condition. I usually don't feel self-conscious like this.
> 
> I figured out what's getting to me. This guy and I have a nice emotional connection. It's enjoyable. I feel guilty about it because I'm still hung up on Guy. There's a momentum, there. If we meet and have no physical connection or chemistry, I will feel disappointed. Because it's easier for me to internalize potential failure and externalizer potential faith in someone's abilities (yeah, totally effed up, I know!), it's easier for me to think "oh, he won't like my body" than to think "there may not be a spark". So, basically I have to stop creating blame for no reason and embrace uncertainty.


My 2 cents worth, forget body for now mox - if you want more ! The bodies just the now , connections, the person, is about forever .
Some good looking single chicks just don't get that . They seem to go for attracting all the time rather than captivating .The person captivates , the body just makes a guy wanna fk them but eventually, his done.


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, if the chemistry is there, my focus would be more on the face, the eyes, and the smile of my date rather than her body - with one exception -> her body language! Insecurity is very transparent especially in one's posture.

Worry too much and you'll fk it up for yourself moxy, so just be positive for now as there's plenty of time to be negative later if things don't work out heh. 

Also whitehawk nails it when it comes to being able to captivate. Your date should be in a trance while in your presence!


----------



## movealong

For me, body type is only important as far as it being height/weight/size proportional. 

HS is by no means skinny, but she is not obese. She is proportional. I can only speak for myself, so I will say unequivocally that I'd rather have a Marilyn Monroe body type as a partner than a Twiggy body type. Again, for me, a woman that is too skinny is not any more "healthy" than a woman that is too heavy.


----------



## Another Planet

You know what is a turnoff? Constantly hearing about how fat a girl says she is, or how ugly, or how she wishes she looked like so n so all the time.
If a guy is with you you most likely have already passed his physical appearance tests and he is now analyzing your personality.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ne9907 said:


> is he your best friend (male) How does that work?
> hmmm... I definitely do not have a male BFF.


Well. We met on match about 8 years ago. 2 dates in I said I wasn't feeling it. We dipped our toes into something more but in the end he is like my brother. There really isn't sexual attraction. In fact we talk to each other about our assorted dating situations and when we are dating someone we don't hang out. He has been dating someone for almost a year so I hadn't heard from him in a while but they were thinking of living together and he had some misgivings he wanted to run past me.

It's a shame - we are perfectly compatible. Just no spark. We tried but it wasn't quite right. It's ironic though because he broke it off that one time which really was for the best - I think I was just lonely and settling - but yet it's me he comes back to. S'ok - I'll be his friend and respect his relationships and vice versa.


----------



## moxy

I suppose you were speaking generally, AP, but I want to comment personally to highlight some differences in outlook. While some people complain as a way to fish for compliments or reassurance, others express their thoughts for different reasons. Attention-seeking isn't pretty, but real pain isn't the same as drama.

I don't wish I looked like anyone else. I do wish I could drop 15 pounds, though (working on it!!). I don't think I'm ugly or fat. I do think that when I'm scared or anxious about something, I displace my worry -- and often extend that worry to my body as a way to embody the problem and seek a solution. This is something I started to do after ex-h became emotionally abusive and it was exacerbated by his infidelity. I think that a lot of people who have body issues have other issues that they aren't really dealing with and that they get voiced as statements of physical insecurity, sometimes. TAM is a safe place to do so because we are all working through our baggage. 

By the way, anyone in my life who found my thread would be surprised by my sadness, pain, and loneliness; I don't share these thoughts with others and I'm almost always cheerful.

In general, however, I agree with you, AP, that confidence is sexy and that a guy probably won't go out with a gal unless something about her is keeping his attention. However, not all guys follow this trend of seeking a deeper connection; sometimes the women involved with them don't realize that discord.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I just received a text from a friend in OK where ex recides. Apparently, he is really excited because he has a date on saturday and posted it on FB.
> 
> When I read the text, I rolled my eyes and thought to myself "omg, he is one of those people who post EVERYTHING on FB"
> I dislike those people..... I never post anything personal on FB.


Can't stand when people post every nanosecond of their life via social media. Facebook is really "Look at me" for a lot of people. I have such a love/hate relationship with it. It leans more toward hate though. Lol.



ne9907 said:


> Oh I didnt asnwer the text from this friend. She is always noseying around my life and telling me all about whatever ex is doing.


Tell her, "Friend, I know you mean well but I would really appreciate if you stopped mentioning ex to me. I want to move on and not hear about him." She will listen more than likely. If you haven't flat out told her, tell her. I had a friend who would tell me stuff about Mr. Ex Jelly, too and I shut it down. She didn't mean ill by it, but she probably didn't realize it was still hurting me. So she stopped and never did it again. Can't address a problem if you don't speak up about it.



moxy said:


> I don't love the way my body looks right now. There are plenty of men who do like my booty and my boobs, but...because I like this guy a bit, I'm suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He's a bit of a gym rat, so he's all kinds of buff. Claims he likes my curves. He's seen my figure because I did show him photos. But...we haven't met in person, yet. So, you never know if there will be chemistry or not until then. You know?


And you won't know if there is chemistry at all til you meet him. So go and meet him and go from there. You may like him or may not like him at all. 

If you are unhappy with your body, then change your diet and start exercising. If you don't feel you are ready for dating because of this or you just aren't feeling good about yourself in relation to dating, then don't date.


----------



## Another Planet

Yes I was speaking generally, not pointing fingers. Confidence is always sexy. Fishing for compliments constantly not sexy.

You also have to be careful with portraying a lack of confidence. There are predators out there that seek out insecurities so they can manipulate their prey easier. Setup an abusive relationship right out of the gate.


----------



## Another Planet




----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> And you won't know if there is chemistry at all til you meet him. So go and meet him and go from there. You may like him or may not like him at all.


:iagree: Put the emphasis more on will YOU like/be attracted to HIM!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


>



"A little phone call here and there..."

Does anyone even talk on the phone anymore? I feel we've become a world of texting and typing. The other day I was coming out of Panera and this guy goes, "Hey girl... can I have your number....so I can call you sometime?" and I thought it was funny because he may be one of the last men standing who offers to call and not text. I didn't give him my number but thought it was funny. 


















And my favorite:


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> NE, you should sever ties with all the people who still connect you to your ex. You should block Blue Eyes from your phone. And, you should not go out with married guys.
> 
> You want a relationship. You deserve a good one, right? Seek it out. Go back on Tinder. Go on *******. Go to Plenty of Fish or Match. Anyone will be better than the previous two that didn't work out.
> 
> You've gotta let go and move on and not regress in moments of weakness -- not back to Irish, not back to BLue Eyes, not back to your Ex.
> 
> Time for someone entirely new.


I actually went back on Tinder last night, but did not find anyone attractive so I deleted my account yet again. You all are right about Blue. I blocked his number.



vi_bride04 said:


> *Or maybe she should just focus on time with herself *
> :


I really like that yet I feel as if I have been alone for a long long time. Since my marriage began to unravel, I say since 2011. These few dates I had, even Blue, they were nothing. They were just sex and I wanted to make so much more out of them. But it was nothing. I want the real thing. Some days, like today, I feel as if I will not ever find anyone special. Someone who will give me butterflies, someone who I can love with all my being. I does not make me sad, I accept the situation, it does make me want to run away and keep running away from everything and everyone.



Jellybeans said:


> Can't stand when people post every nanosecond of their life via social media. Facebook is really "Look at me" for a lot of people. I have such a love/hate relationship with it. It leans more toward hate though. Lol.
> 
> .


:iagree:

I will tell her that. 

thank you


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> I suppose you were speaking generally, AP, but I want to comment personally to highlight some differences in outlook. While some people complain as a way to fish for compliments or reassurance, others express their thoughts for different reasons. Attention-seeking isn't pretty, but real pain isn't the same as drama.
> 
> I don't wish I looked like anyone else. I do wish I could drop 15 pounds, though (working on it!!). I don't think I'm ugly or fat. I do think that when I'm scared or anxious about something, I displace my worry -- and often extend that worry to my body as a way to embody the problem and seek a solution. This is something I started to do after ex-h became emotionally abusive and it was exacerbated by his infidelity. I think that a lot of people who have body issues have other issues that they aren't really dealing with and that they get voiced as statements of physical insecurity, sometimes. TAM is a safe place to do so because we are all working through our baggage.
> 
> By the way, anyone in my life who found my thread would be surprised by my sadness, pain, and loneliness; I don't share these thoughts with others and I'm almost always cheerful.
> 
> In general, however, I agree with you, AP, that confidence is sexy and that a guy probably won't go out with a gal unless something about her is keeping his attention. However, not all guys follow this trend of seeking a deeper connection; sometimes the women involved with them don't realize that discord.


Don't change a thing. You're smoking hot.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Don't change a thing. You're smoking hot.



Thank you.


----------



## bandit.45

If I were to change some things about me...

New knees (shot to hell)...

New heart valves (I'm part cow now)...

New face. (Fugly) ....

New bod (ha ha ha ha ....:rofl:LOL!)....

Bigger tool...


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Don't change a thing. You're smoking hot.


:iagree:




bandit.45 said:


> If I were to change some things about me...
> 
> New knees (shot to hell)...
> 
> New heart valves (I'm part cow now)...
> 
> New face. (Fugly) ....
> 
> New bod (ha ha ha ha ....:rofl:LOL!)....
> 
> Bigger tool...


Oh I like this game!!

If I were to change things about me....
New body height (I want to be taller)

New mentality (I am fvcked up)

case and point... I got a hold of Navy guy and we are seeing each other again! I do this whenever I feel that I need attention! Plus I really like him. 
He was a bit more talkative this time. He said he didnt pursue anything else before because I told him I wasnt sure if we were compatible (I sort of remember doing that).

I am very outspoken on dates. I tend to complain a lot about the places if I do not like them. On our second date we went to a Greek place, like Chipotle, but Greek. I was expecting a restaurant and I told him that. Little things like that if I do not like or if I think they are funny. Another example was his place. he has a female roommate, so I said that was the reason his place was inmaculate and pretty. Just stuff, that in retrospect are a callous on my part.


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well. We met on match about 8 years ago. 2 dates in I said I wasn't feeling it. We dipped our toes into something more but in the end he is like my brother. There really isn't sexual attraction. In fact we talk to each other about our assorted dating situations and when we are dating someone we don't hang out. He has been dating someone for almost a year so I hadn't heard from him in a while but they were thinking of living together and he had some misgivings he wanted to run past me.
> 
> It's a shame - we are perfectly compatible. Just no spark. We tried but it wasn't quite right. It's ironic though because he broke it off that one time which really was for the best - I think I was just lonely and settling - but yet it's me he comes back to. S'ok - I'll be his friend and respect his relationships and vice versa.


It doesnt sound bad. It does sound like a nice friendship.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


>



Yeah but sometimes , how do you tell the difference ?
Because like a real friend will do that stuff to. But like in my case lately , l just haven't had the head space to bother with most people too much more than that myself.

l'm guilty of being the texter lately.


----------



## whitehawk

It's sad but l often see that a lot of people have probably never known real love .

Because when you can still just watch the one you love after 15yrs , or look at them , and just wanna touch them ,cuddle them ,hold them , like them , that's the stuff that comes from who they are. Nothing else will make you feel like that in that way , in years to come ,least of all not loving who they are , no matter what they look like.


----------



## RandomDude

Most of the texts between FWB and I is texting to meetup, though nowadays it's not even that, she just bloody drops in. Brings food too. Stays overnight most nights it's become her second home.

Hmmm - sure I get what many of you are saying that she's like a girlfriend - but it's more like she's 'ALMOST a girlfriend'  

Which is making me worried again come to think of it... but meh, I'm probably thinking too much. If she starts suggesting moving in however think that's when it's time to reaffirm some boundaries.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

whitehawk said:


> It's sad but l often see that a lot of people have probably never known real love .
> 
> Because when you can still just watch the one you love after 15yrs , or look at them , and just wanna touch them ,cuddle them ,hold them , like them , that's the stuff that comes from who they are. Nothing else will make you feel like that in that way , in years to come ,least of all not loving who they are , no matter what they look like.


Thanks for that depressing thought. I never have. Yet stupidly I'm optimistic.


----------



## whitehawk

That's funny rd.She's ignoring her own life more and more and your becoming her own life more and more.
Yep , almost a gf . And where's Raulf right when l need him to put right there .
Have they changed this thing !


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> That's funny rd.She's ignoring her own life more and more and your becoming her own life more and more.
> Yep , almost a gf . And where's Raulf right when l need him to put right there .
> Have they changed this thing !


Meh, that's not all there is life
Nowadays I kinda stopped giving a sh-t (unless I wake up in a bad mood), and go hang gliding instead - more fun!












whitehawk said:


> That's funny rd.She's ignoring her own life more and more and your becoming her own life more and more.
> Yep , almost a gf . And where's Raulf right when l need him to put right there .
> Have they changed this thing !


Aye, and all this time she asserts that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to emotional boundaries. But hey, what can I do but give her the benefit of the doubt, especially when I have so many benefits as it is!


----------



## whitehawk

EnjoliWoman said:


> Thanks for that depressing thought. I never have. Yet stupidly I'm optimistic.



Ooops . Didn't mean it that way Enjoli, sorry bout that . l only meant it as in so look for that person .
Anyway , l don't think it's stupidly and besides . l can usually tell who's gonna have that and who isn't and l think you are .:smthumbup:


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Meh, that's not all there is life
> Nowadays I kinda stopped giving a sh-t (unless I wake up in a bad mood), and go hang gliding instead - more fun!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Aye, and all this time she asserts that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to emotional boundaries. But hey, what can I do but give her the benefit of the doubt, especially when I have so many benefits as it is!



Your [email protected] me , you hang glide , coolio.
l've always wanted to hang glide but the only reason l haven't is bc l'm scared of heights.
How stoopid is that :rofl: . Found rolf again


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Meh, that's not all there is life
> Nowadays I kinda stopped giving a sh-t (unless I wake up in a bad mood), and go hang gliding instead - more fun!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Aye, and all this time she asserts that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to emotional boundaries. But hey, what can I do but give her the benefit of the doubt, especially when I have so many benefits as it is!



You can't trust that. l had a gf once that insisted she never wanted to get married or have kids . l thought good , that suits me just fine.
So we were having a god time and all was well in the world until 18mths later when she dumps me bc l didn't wanna get married and have kids .
ps , 2 yrs later she was married and preg'


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Most of the texts between FWB and I is texting to meetup, though nowadays it's not even that, she just bloody drops in. Brings food too. Stays overnight most nights it's become her second home.
> 
> Hmmm - sure I get what many of you are saying that she's like a girlfriend - but it's more like she's 'ALMOST a girlfriend'
> 
> Which is making me worried again come to think of it...


:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Thanks for that depressing thought. I never have. Yet stupidly I'm optimistic.


Me, too, Enjoli. The only man who ever said he loved me (aside from my Dad) was my XH, and I don't think that was real. I loved him, but the "him" presented was just a facade, so does that mean my love was faux as well?

My grandparents have been married for almost 65 years, and my grandfather still looks at my grandmother like the sun rises and sets in her eyes. It's amazing. That's why I'm still optimistic.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Most of the texts between FWB and I is texting to meetup, though nowadays it's not even that, she just bloody drops in. Brings food too. Stays overnight most nights it's become her second home.
> 
> Hmmm - sure I get what many of you are saying that she's like a girlfriend - but it's more like she's 'ALMOST a girlfriend'
> 
> Which is making me worried again come to think of it... but meh, I'm probably thinking too much. If she starts suggesting moving in however think that's when it's time to reaffirm some boundaries.


Umm, yeah... she's your girlfriend, RD. FWBs don't do that kind of stuff. That's relationship territory, my friend.


----------



## RandomDude

Heights IS the thrill of it!  lol

Better then skydiving IMO, from takeoff you can spend hours in the sky riding the air currents, more akin to flight then just falling for a few minutes. Summer is coming too here down under so more lift!


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> You can't trust that. l had a gf once that insisted she never wanted to get married or have kids . l thought good , that suits me just fine.
> So we were having a god time and all was well in the world until 18mths later when she dumps me bc l didn't wanna get married and have kids .
> ps , 2 yrs later she was married and preg'


Yeah well FWB (back when she was a FB however) did dump me to go dating again in our early days. And so far I've heard nothing but anti-dating from her, which makes me even more confuddled >.<



FeministInPink said:


> Umm, yeah... she's your girlfriend, RD. FWBs don't do that kind of stuff. That's relationship territory, my friend.


=/

Or maybe just a well developed FWB-arrangement no? Like hey, I take her out and spend money on her too but that doesn't mean I love her. I just enjoy the companionship without romantic commitment. Meh I dunno


----------



## Healer

I was watching Malcolm in the Middle with my kids the other day, and Malcolm falls for this red headed girl who he doesn't really find conventionally pretty - and so he's torn/confused. His mom says how ridiculous he's being, that he's letting his brain get in the way and it's an unrealistic hang-up - and that if he bases who he pursues on their looks, he's in for a world of trouble. It was funny and interesting. I'm trying to get past that myself - I find myself seeking out super hot women and possibly passing by the ones who I don't consider to be 8-10. And it's dumb. I know it. My ex wife was a real beauty (not so much anymore - she's looking haggard and overweight - her lifestyle is catching up with her) and she was an idiot and not a nice person. I'm trying to be less shallow in that regard, because admittedly, I am.

Speaking of bodies and the different types - the gal I met the other night is wee. A really petite little thing. My ex was 5'7" and had meat on her bones, and all the women I'v dated have been taller or on the taller side of average. I'm not used to towering over them (I'm around 5'10" - max). 

I think she likes me. She texted me again today asking how my day was. She's very enthusiastic and initiates communication. I like that.


----------



## whitehawk

Don't worry Fem , l'm not even optimistic for myself . l feel like maybe l've had my chance and l blew it .
l'm even still expecting T to blow up in my face and with the kids sitch , that's highly probable anyway bc it's just so tricky.

ps , l love seeing that in old people .
When my ex's grandmother's H died , she just kept saying she will just wait now to be with him again . She waited 25yrs to die and join him but she got there . She kept asking doctors to just let her go but they kept fixing her up again .


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I'm trying to get past that myself - I find myself seeking out super hot women and possibly passing by the ones who I don't consider to be 8-10. And it's dumb. I know it.


Nothing wrong with seeking out those you're physically attracted to (some attraction has to be there!), but after "hot" if there isn't any substance, conversation and/or compatibility, there is nothing there.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Heights IS the thrill of it!  lol
> 
> Better then skydiving IMO, from takeoff you can spend hours in the sky riding the air currents, more akin to flight then just falling for a few minutes. Summer is coming too here down under so more lift!


Yeah l could imagine rd . That's one thing l've always loved about it , so real , eagle like . No motor , just soaring about up there just like a bird .


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Me, too, Enjoli. The only man who ever said he loved me (aside from my Dad) was my XH, and I don't think that was real. I loved him, but the "him" presented was just a facade, *so does that mean my love was faux as well?*
> My grandparents have been married for almost 65 years, and my grandfather still looks at my grandmother like the sun rises and sets in her eyes. It's amazing. That's why I'm still optimistic.


I have asked myself that question multiple times. I have concluded that no it wasnt faux. It was real love on my part. I do believe he loved me at one point, but that ended very early in our marriage. I do feel I have experienced real love, it was with ex when we first met. Real love also was with an ex boyfriend (who was the only one who has given me butterflies)



EnjoliWoman said:


> Thanks for that depressing thought. I never have. Yet stupidly I'm optimistic.


You will find love. 



Healer said:


> I was watching Malcolm in the Middle with my kids the other day, and Malcolm falls for this red headed girl who he doesn't really find conventionally pretty - and so he's torn/confused. His mom says how ridiculous he's being, that he's letting his brain get in the way and it's an unrealistic hang-up - and that if he bases who he pursues on their looks, he's in for a world of trouble. It was funny and interesting. I'm trying to get past that myself - I find myself seeking out super hot women and possibly passing by the ones who I don't consider to be 8-10. And it's dumb. I know it. My ex wife was a real beauty (not so much anymore - she's looking haggard and overweight - her lifestyle is catching up with her) and she was an idiot and not a nice person. I'm trying to be less shallow in that regard, because admittedly, I am.
> 
> Speaking of bodies and the different types - the gal I met the other night is wee. A really petite little thing. My ex was 5'7" and had meat on her bones, and all the women I'v dated have been taller or on the taller side of average. I'm not used to towering over them (I'm around 5'10" - max).
> 
> I think she likes me. She texted me again today asking how my day was. She's very enthusiastic and initiates communication. I like that.


Do you like that she is petite? or is it a turn off for you?
Personally, I am very small. Ex is 6' tall. Most men who are attracted to me are 6' or taller. I am actually apprehensive when a guy shorter than 6' wants to meet me in real life, it has been my experience that they get turned off by my height.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Nothing wrong with seeking out those you're physically attracted to (some attraction has to e there!), but after "hot" if there isn't any substance, conversation and/or compatibility, there is nothing there.


Indeed. And I'm attracted to all sorts of women - not just blondes with big boobs or whatever.I like brunettes with big boobs too! 

Yup - if I'm not physically attracted...you can't force it. But personality does have a lot to do with attractiveness. A super hot woman who's dumb and mean vs a 6 or 7 (in the conventional sense, of course) who's an awesome, sweet, kind, funny, person...no comparison.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Indeed. And I'm attracted to all sorts of women - not just blondes with big boobs or whatever.I like brunettes with big boobs too!
> 
> Yup - if I'm not physically attracted...you can't force it. But personality does have a lot to do with attractiveness. A super hot woman who's dumb and mean vs a 6 or 7 (in the conventional sense, of course) who's an awesome, sweet, kind, funny, person...no comparison.


Ok Healer.... based on my photos, what am I? (number)


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> It's sad but l often see that a lot of people have probably never known real love .
> 
> Because when you can still just watch the one you love after 15yrs , or look at them , and just wanna touch them ,cuddle them ,hold them , like them , that's the stuff that comes from who they are. Nothing else will make you feel like that in that way , in years to come ,least of all not loving who they are , no matter what they look like.





EnjoliWoman said:


> Thanks for that depressing thought. I never have. Yet stupidly I'm optimistic.





whitehawk said:


> Ooops . Didn't mean it that way Enjoli, sorry bout that . l only meant it as in so look for that person .
> Anyway , l don't think it's stupidly and besides . l can usually tell who's gonna have that and who isn't and l think you are .:smthumbup:





FeministInPink said:


> Me, too, Enjoli. The only man who ever said he loved me (aside from my Dad) was my XH, and I don't think that was real. I loved him, but the "him" presented was just a facade, so does that mean my love was faux as well?
> 
> My grandparents have been married for almost 65 years, and my grandfather still looks at my grandmother like the sun rises and sets in her eyes. It's amazing. That's why I'm still optimistic.


Wow, I must be a love slvt then, or low expectations, or maybe just a slvt lol... I have loved and been loved many times by many different women. Crazy cause I know there are women out there that are still in love with me. My oldest sons mother who was my first love whenever we are together I can make her blush and get all weird. My GF before my current GF uggh the way she looks at me I will never forget, geezus the crazy memories. 
BUUUUUUUT I do not have normal relationships, hot fast crazy intense passionate are great descriptive words lol

Rhianna- We Found Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg&index=18&list=PL1cin08tyci51CsjfvgJrbhHavVVnr4KW


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Yeah l could imagine rd . That's one thing l've always loved about it , so real , eagle like . No motor , just soaring about up there just like a bird .


Exactly! Just try it, may even conquer your fear of heights after a few flights, especially after your first solo. Have to be in good health though, it's safe but there's no break in flight. Still can chuck a piss though if you're proficient enough but I don't have the confidence yet to try lol

Though I might if I spot an opportunity that can't be missed - like a wedding down below for example 
Bit of yellow goes on white no? muwhahaha! Locked on! Dropping napalm!


----------



## unsure78

Lol RD.... she is sooooo your girlfriend!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

=|

Am I the ONLY ONE who believes that to classify a sexual arrangement as a relationship one must FIRST have what is known as love?

We have none of that, all the friendly things we do just adds to the convenience while revolving around the core of our arrangement; a purely sexual arrangement. At least that is what I hope. Not like I can get any answers from her anyway, if I start bible bashing about "no emo" again I'll get the same responses from her for the last few months. So meh, can't I just take her word for it?

Bah!


----------



## moxy

RD, don't worry about safeguarding your arrangement or putting labels on it. Just enjoy it! It seems to be working for you both.


----------



## RandomDude

I am! Tis just that everyone is saying she be my gf when she be not! And thus makes me curious whether my standards of what can be classified as a relationship is out of the norm.

I know I'm a weirdo but I'm not THAT weird  (I think)


----------



## Fenix

bandit.45 said:


> Thanks guys. He had been suffering from depression for a while. It was no surprise, but still very tragic.





Jellybeans said:


> Wait, but you still didn't answer - how long of seeing that guy before you started thinking he was LTR?


I am still not sure. What is the definition of an LTR? We are past the 10 month mark, but I have a hard time seeing past the next 6 months. Who knows? It wasn't supposed to happen this way and I know what the research says. So, I choose not to think in terms of LTR and focus on the Right Now.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Is it too late to blow the whistle? I must admit I do not do it because I am afraid she will not believe me and blame me. I am also afraid I will never hear from him again. Isnt this pathetic?
> 
> I am in therapy. Some days I reflect on my actions and like what I see, other days not so much. Suffice to say, i am not very happy with myself. I am having fun being single.



No, it is not too late. He is still contacting you. You can ask her to put a stop to it. That says enough.


----------



## movealong

Healer said:


> I was watching Malcolm in the Middle with my kids the other day, and Malcolm falls for this red headed girl who he doesn't really find conventionally pretty - and so he's torn/confused. His mom says how ridiculous he's being, that he's letting his brain get in the way and it's an unrealistic hang-up - and that if he bases who he pursues on their looks, he's in for a world of trouble. It was funny and interesting. I'm trying to get past that myself - I find myself seeking out super hot women and possibly passing by the ones who I don't consider to be 8-10. And it's dumb. I know it. My ex wife was a real beauty (not so much anymore - she's looking haggard and overweight - her lifestyle is catching up with her) and she was an idiot and not a nice person. I'm trying to be less shallow in that regard, because admittedly, I am.
> 
> Speaking of bodies and the different types - the gal I met the other night is wee. A really petite little thing. My ex was 5'7" and had meat on her bones, and all the women I'v dated have been taller or on the taller side of average. I'm not used to towering over them (I'm around 5'10" - max).
> 
> I think she likes me. She texted me again today asking how my day was. She's very enthusiastic and initiates communication. I like that.


I think i am pretty lucky in the fact that i can see passed the initial assessment when i meet a potential date. Maybe it's just that I know how long it took me to get my sh!t together, I give a big benefit of the doubt to a potential date.

For example, HS is in my opinion an 8 in looks, but probably a 5 for her body. But I also know from seeing her high school pictures how pretty she was then, and what her body type was at that time. After being in a miserable marriage for 14 years, she let herself go but she has been, and continues to, work out, eat right, and work on getting back into shape. Same as my situation. I let myself go, and now I am trying to get back in shape. I am just a little further along than she is.

Neither of us are glamour models, and I have my faults, so I see it as a way to work together, which in turn will bring us closer. I guess what i am saying is I see her as she can be, not how she currently is, and I like what I see. I'm willing to look beyond the superficial to get to the person.


----------



## RandomDude

8 is the minimum for me, and I don't think it's shallow to take note of one's preferences. I've met many beautiful women who others may only consider a 5 or 6, and found what others thought of as a 9/10 as a 4. Tastes vary, and it's all about compatibility.

If I don't find someone attractive, being "shallow" and rejecting her based on her looks saves both of us time and energy trying to make something work when there isn't even mutual physical chemistry. All this "give them a chance" or "you're too shallow" crap does my head in. Why should we as men be encouraged to lead women on?

Meh, I'd rather let them go so that they can go cry abit and then end up with someone who actually DOES find them attractive! Much better for me, much better for them and their self-esteem in the long run. Be shallow and proud gentlemen! Shallow and proud!

Personally I only find it superficial and a problem if one ends up blind to someone's non-physical flaws due to their beauty. But aside from that - meh


----------



## firebelly1

My new FWB likes me too much. Part of me likes it, part of me is annoyed.


----------



## whitehawk

Have had others love me but the full package plus some came with ex .
To me she was a 10 when we met but l dug her as much if not more than her looks,
But when your looking at her 15 yrs later and she's a long way from a 10 anymore yet to you she's a 12 now , you'll know what l mean.

lt was actually the changes as a person and her ways that eventually began to change all that for me .


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> 8 is the minimum for me, and I don't think it's shallow to take note of one's preferences. I've met many beautiful women who others may only consider a 5 or 6, and found what others thought of as a 9/10 as a 4. Tastes vary, and it's all about compatibility.
> 
> If I don't find someone attractive, being "shallow" and rejecting her based on her looks saves both of us time and energy trying to make something work when there isn't even mutual physical chemistry. All this "give them a chance" or "you're too shallow" crap does my head in. Why should we as men be encouraged to lead women on?
> 
> Ahh , can't put it there if it's just not rd , nothing wrong with that. No use giving that a chance .
> They're the same anyway so who gives a fk.
> 
> ps. l was amazed at how many from my date site called me shallow for wanting a pic. One girl actually said , so why would l even want a pic - what is my definition of a relationship .
> Wtf that all meant l still don't know .
> Yet nearly every one had no pic no contact , some of them went on about it for 5 lines . And most of them on mine anyway , were all asking for guys 10yrs their junior . So just what exactly is shallow again .
> One chick actually abused me for wanting a pic before l drove 2hrs to meet her. Yet we'd been talking on phone for a few nights prior so it's not like l pressured her 1min out the gate .
> That was so weird that one , wrote me a big long text on how shallow l was and why do looks even matter tome when we got along so well.
> Called me a few names and told me l was doomed if looks were all l cared about .


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Wow, I must be a love slvt then, or low expectations, or maybe just a slvt lol... I have loved and been loved many times by many different women. Crazy cause I know there are women out there that are still in love with me. My oldest sons mother who was my first love whenever we are together I can make her blush and get all weird. My GF before my current GF uggh the way she looks at me I will never forget, geezus the crazy memories.
> BUUUUUUUT I do not have normal relationships, hot fast crazy intense passionate are great descriptive words lol
> 
> Rhianna- We Found Love
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg&index=18&list=PL1cin08tyci51CsjfvgJrbhHavVVnr4KW


You're not a slvt. I got started late... I didn't start dating until I was in college (19), and I met my XH when I was 22. I'd never bothered to stay with anyone long enough, except for my XH, to reach the love stage.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> Ok Healer.... based on my photos, what am I? (number)


I haven't been through this entire thread and haven't seen your photos - can you repost or point me to them?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> My new FWB likes me too much. Part of me likes it, part of me is annoyed.


How come annoyed fb? You must not dig him that much.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Heights IS the thrill of it!  lol
> 
> Better then skydiving IMO, from takeoff you can spend hours in the sky riding the air currents, more akin to flight then just falling for a few minutes. Summer is coming too here down under so more lift!



How long can you spend in one flight ?


----------



## RandomDude

@whitehawk

Personally I just found the one cure to all this insecurity, madness, and bitterness over "shallow preferences" lies in the acknowledgement of the truth that beauty remains in the eye of the beholder.

Physical beauty itself is determined strongly by the woman's personality. I still remember one woman years ago when I was young who I was very attracted to, but on a pure physical sense I had no reason to be; as she was too petite for me. But everything about her, just infactuated me. She had an aura, confidence, posture and presence about her that made her seem two feet taller, I never made a move however for the sole reason that at that time, she was my boss lol

Now take away her personality she would have probably been a 5 in my book, but with her personality she was a definite 9 and one of the hottest women I've ever met. However in the team where I worked - I was the only one with a crush on her!

So much for being shallow but whatever! Bah!


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I have asked myself that question multiple times. I have concluded that no it wasnt faux. It was real love on my part. I do believe he loved me at one point, but that ended very early in our marriage. I do feel I have experienced real love, it was with ex when we first met. Real love also was with an ex boyfriend (who was the only one who has given me butterflies)
> 
> 
> 
> You will find love.
> 
> 
> 
> Do you like that she is petite? or is it a turn off for you?
> Personally, I am very small. Ex is 6' tall. Most men who are attracted to me are 6' or taller. I am actually apprehensive when a guy shorter than 6' wants to meet me in real life, it has been my experience that they get turned off by my height.



Small and petite and l'm done for , useless, love it . lt's weird really bc l'm 6ft .


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Wow, I must be a love slvt then, or low expectations, or maybe just a slvt lol... I have loved and been loved many times by many different women. Crazy cause I know there are women out there that are still in love with me. My oldest sons mother who was my first love whenever we are together I can make her blush and get all weird. My GF before my current GF uggh the way she looks at me I will never forget, geezus the crazy memories.
> BUUUUUUUT I do not have normal relationships, hot fast crazy intense passionate are great descriptive words lol
> 
> Rhianna- We Found Love
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg&index=18&list=PL1cin08tyci51CsjfvgJrbhHavVVnr4KW




You slvt you :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> My new FWB likes me too much. Part of me likes it, part of me is annoyed.


FWBs are not meant to be annoying, they are meant to scratch an itch, not add more itches!



whitehawk said:


> How long can you spend in one flight ?


If you're good - it can be as long as you want! Just look for thermals for lift while in the air.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Exactly! Just try it, may even conquer your fear of heights after a few flights, especially after your first solo. Have to be in good health though, it's safe but there's no break in flight. Still can chuck a piss though if you're proficient enough but I don't have the confidence yet to try lol
> 
> Though I might if I spot an opportunity that can't be missed - like a wedding down below for example
> Bit of yellow goes on white no? muwhahaha! Locked on! Dropping napalm!



The health thing could be an issue bc l can throw up in heights . Handy for the wedding :rofl: but could make things a bit shakey up there.
The other height problem l have is l can pass out and l have . Probably not a real good thing up they hu !


----------



## RandomDude

Haha, projectile vomit on the bride! 

As for passing out you should be with an instructor if you're new so you should be fine. Just try it out and if you feel confident and enjoy the sport, take it up!


----------



## whitehawk

But l have to ask the inevitable , lost many up there ?

But yeah , l could see how it effects me while l'm learning with an instructor anyway couldn't l ! lt may not effect like that , the kite itself may have a different effect than a building or cliff does.
l could try one run , see what happens , no of cliff stuff :rofl:


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> 8 is the minimum for me, and I don't think it's shallow to take note of one's preferences. I've met many beautiful women who others may only consider a 5 or 6, and found what others thought of as a 9/10 as a 4. Tastes vary, and it's all about compatibility.
> 
> If I don't find someone attractive, being "shallow" and rejecting her based on her looks saves both of us time and energy trying to make something work when there isn't even mutual physical chemistry. All this "give them a chance" or "you're too shallow" crap does my head in. Why should we as men be encouraged to lead women on?
> 
> Meh, I'd rather let them go so that they can go cry abit and then end up with someone who actually DOES find them attractive! Much better for me, much better for them and their self-esteem in the long run. Be shallow and proud gentlemen! Shallow and proud!
> 
> Personally I only find it superficial and a problem if one ends up blind to someone's non-physical flaws due to their beauty. But aside from that - meh


Yep, but in this and your subsequent posts, you make it clear that beauty is subjective and strongly influenced by personality. That is not shallow. That is healthy. Physical attraction is important but we need to recognize that it should be influenced by the personality. That is called the entire package.



ne9907 said:


> Ok Healer.... based on my photos, what am I? (number)


  Why are you asking this?


----------



## 06Daddio08

And I'm single again. Sucks, but it was for the best (for both of us).


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> And I'm single again. Sucks, but it was for the best (for both of us).


Sorry to hear that D .


----------



## movealong

That sucks, D. So is the glass half full, or half empty?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Do you like that she is petite? or is it a turn off for you?
> Personally, I am very small. Ex is 6' tall. Most men who are attracted to me are 6' or taller. I am actually apprehensive when a guy shorter than 6' wants to meet me in real life, it has been my experience that they get turned off by my height.


I have had the opposite experience, I am not terribly short, 5'4", but I have a small build, I am petite. Men have always been fascinated with my size for some reason...they love my small feet, small hands, etc, and since my men have been tall, they love being able to pick me up and stuff, lol! I am just surprised to read that you have had negative reactions due to your height, especially since you have a more exotic look, I would think men would go nuts over that! :scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Yep, but in this and your subsequent posts, you make it clear that beauty is subjective and strongly influenced by personality. That is not shallow. That is healthy. Physical attraction is important but we need to recognize that it should be influenced by the personality. That is called the entire package.


^^^ :iagree:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I hate you short women. j/k

But it does frustrate me when 6' men go after the super teeeeny girls. Because then I'm left with guys my height at 5'6". Yes, it's shallow. Yes, my perfect mate might be shorter. I don't turn a shorter guy down for a date for that reason (although they lie about their height - don't tell me you are 5'6" when you are obviously shorter!). But a guy who is taller/beefier than me makes me feel feminine and protected and cared for.


----------



## Ikaika

I'm 5'10" my wife is 5' with shoes on 

My oldest is 5'8" and youngest 5'6" currently


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> I haven't been through this entire thread and haven't seen your photos - can you repost or point me to them?


no.



Fenix said:


> Why are you asking this?


Because I have low self esteem and seek validation from strangers. I know I am pretty, and yet I still want to hear it.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> How come annoyed fb? You must not dig him that much.


He was same guy who I was annoyed with because he was too enthusiastic. No - I'm not that into him. Good sex. Good conversation. Otherwise, no. I could feel his enthusiasm early on and had a chat with him about it - i.e. I told him I just wanted FWB out of this and I didn't want him to think I could give more than that. He says he gets it but...so, think I need to have another chat. This may be a situation where it would be more merciful to let him go rather than string him along. But, I feel like if I keep being honest about my feelings, it's up to him to stay or leave. Not sure what to do on that.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I hate you short women. j/k
> 
> But it does frustrate me when 6' men go after the super teeeeny girls. Because then I'm left with guys my height at 5'6". Yes, it's shallow. Yes, my perfect mate might be shorter. I don't turn a shorter guy down for a date for that reason (although they lie about their height - don't tell me you are 5'6" when you are obviously shorter!). But a guy who is taller/beefier than me makes me feel feminine and protected and cared for.


Most of the men in my family (paternal side) are super, SUPER tall. Like 6'9" or 6'11". My dad, at 6' even is the shortest guy in the family. And almost all of them have married short women. My mom is one of the tallest at 5'4"--most of the wives hover around 5'.

Personally, my ideal height for a partner is 5'10", which is 4" taller than me. I'll date someone taller than that, but all the fun stuff is easier when you're closer in height 

My XH was 6'3", and way back when we were separated but I had asked about a reconciliation, he said, "Well, if we're going to get back together, you're going to need to grow about 3 or 4 inches."

What an asshat. SOOOO glad that didn't work out.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> no.


Uhhhhh OK. You asked me to rate you. Kinda difficult without seeing you. Odd response.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> He was same guy who I was annoyed with because he was too enthusiastic. No - I'm not that into him. Good sex. Good conversation. Otherwise, no. I could feel his enthusiasm early on and had a chat with him about it - i.e. I told him I just wanted FWB out of this and I didn't want him to think I could give more than that. He says he gets it but...so, think I need to have another chat. This may be a situation where it would be more merciful to let him go rather than string him along. But, I feel like if I keep being honest about my feelings, it's up to him to stay or leave. Not sure what to do on that.


Sounds very similar the the situation I just ended.


----------



## bandit.45

Healer said:


> Uhhhhh OK. You asked me to rate you. Kinda difficult without seeing you. Odd response.


She's a hottie.


----------



## Another Planet

I am 6' even, my exWife was just under 5'. My exGF was about 5' 6". My gf is about 5' 6", it is soo nice not having to bend over in an uncomfortable manner to kiss. 
I think short girls were a novelty item for me, just like exotic looks or an accent(although I love hearing french). 
Honestly getting some ego boost from being that much bigger then my SO just does not interest me.


----------



## bandit.45

I'm 6'1". I like little women, I like big girls. I like thin women and I like curvy women. 

I like all women. As long as a woman is groomed and looks like she gives a damn about her appearance, I have been hard pressed to find a women who I cannot find something to like about. 

Except the chicks in WalMart. What's up with that?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



movealong said:


> That sucks, D. So is the glass half full, or half empty?


There isn't even a glass, I knocked one off the counter this morning while I made breakfast. Lol.

On top of it all I found out today I'm being transferred to another area (no way out of it) and being put on shift work.

Nothing an entire pizza for lunch and 2 hours at the gym can't fix tonight.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> EnjoliWoman said:
> 
> 
> 
> I hate you short women. j/k
> 
> But it does frustrate me when 6' men go after the super teeeeny girls. Because then I'm left with guys my height at 5'6". Yes, it's shallow. Yes, my perfect mate might be shorter. I don't turn a shorter guy down for a date for that reason (although they lie about their height - don't tell me you are 5'6" when you are obviously shorter!). But a guy who is taller/beefier than me makes me feel feminine and protected and cared for.
> 
> 
> 
> Most of the men in my family (paternal side) are super, SUPER tall. Like 6'9" or 6'11". My dad, at 6' even is the shortest guy in the family. And almost all of them have married short women. My mom is one of the tallest at 5'4"--most of the wives hover around 5'.
> 
> Personally, my ideal height for a partner is 5'10", which is 4" taller than me. I'll date someone taller than that, but all the fun stuff is easier when you're closer in height
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> My XH was 6'3", and way back when we were separated but I had asked about a reconciliation, he said, "Well, if we're going to get back together, you're going to need to grow about 3 or 4 inches."
> 
> What an asshat. SOOOO glad that didn't work out.
Click to expand...

What a d!ck

Ex is 6'. Blue is 6'4. Navy guy is about 5'11. I am going to make Navy guy mine. Whether he wants to or not. 
I am happy today. I am just goofing off. 
Btw Daddio, if you move to Cali I will be your one and only.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

06Daddio08 said:


> There isn't even a glass, I knocked one off the counter this morning while I made breakfast. Lol.
> 
> On top of it all I found out today I'm being transferred to another area (no way out of it) and being put on shift work.
> 
> Nothing an entire pizza for lunch and 2 hours at the gym can't fix tonight.


Aw, I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better I knocked over a glass of red wine just as I was sitting down to dinner last night and the glass shattered, the wine ran down the leg of my sweats and I was in my bare feet so couldn't move and had to pick up the pieces and try to not step on any. 

But I do get to live in the same ole house and go to the same ole job.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Ne. I'm going to take an extended break from dating. Thanks though.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I'll date someone taller than that, but all the fun stuff is easier when you're closer in height


Aye, and tis another reason why I like long legs


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hit 1,000 lbs on leg press. Burning off that pizza.


----------



## RandomDude

Why must Asian women be so pretty, bah!

Yet... I've never really had a real Asian gf, unless you count mixed folk. Strange really, my strongest preference yet never ended up with one!


----------



## ne9907

I like white men with nice hard bodies. Beautiful smile and great teeth.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Why must Asian women be so pretty, bah!
> 
> Yet... I've never really had a real Asian gf, unless you count mixed folk. Strange really, my strongest preference yet never ended up with one!


Same here but l did have an asian gf once.At the time though she wanted a lot more than l was ready for so!


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> Me, too, Enjoli. The only man who ever said he loved me (aside from my Dad) was my XH, and I don't think that was real. I loved him, but the "him" presented was just a facade, so does that mean my love was faux as well?
> 
> My grandparents have been married for almost 65 years, and my grandfather still looks at my grandmother like the sun rises and sets in her eyes. It's amazing. That's why I'm still optimistic.


For me the hardest part is when I asked my ex if the love for me he had was real - he never responded. 

Like yourself and Enjoli, I am still optimistic though. Out of all the dang people on this crazy planet, I find it unfathomable there's not at least *one* who's a better fit!


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> I'm 6'1". I like little women, I like big girls. I like thin women and I like curvy women.
> 
> I like all women. As long as a woman is groomed and looks like she gives a damn about her appearance, I have been hard pressed to find a women who I cannot find something to like about.
> 
> *Except the chicks in WalMart. What's up with that?*


I was shopping at a WalMart recently and looked around. It was like the Twilight Zone troll parade. All I could think (admittedly, judgmentally) was "Man, only FUGLIES are shopping here."

Then I realized, I was shopping there. 

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm...


----------



## bravenewworld

One thing about being totally single with no prospects is I can fantasize about that super hot sexy soulmate I haven't met yet. One WAY better than all the crazypants people I have already met. 

Also, I imagine the crazy/fun/porn inspired sexual hijinks I can get into, completely forgetting that I am boring and won't be getting into anything except a six pack and bag of banana chips.


----------



## whitehawk

I would have thought 5'6 or 7 was about average height for a girl.
Bc most of mine have been known as short , 4'11 to ex who was tall to me at 5'2 , 5'6 or 7 sounds tall to me but really , it isn't . T is 5'4 , to me that's pretty tall but only bc l always end up with shorter girls.

l had a few approach me on my date site who were 6ft and 5'11 , that's tall.
l found one on there once that was 3'6 . But she looked totally normally proportioned in her pic, cept she was looking up at her daughter .
She was a real cutie to. Couldn't imagine 3'6 though , really .


----------



## whitehawk

Wonder what age a girls sprouting last burst age is ?
My daughters about 5'6 at 13 , maybe taller. She doesn't look tall at all though , it's only when she stands beside me that you realize.
Like she's not extra leggy or anything like that.
But at 13 , to be taller than any girl l've ever been out with already , you'd imagine she might be tall later .
Saw one of her friends a few mths back in a cafe . l didn't know it was her or that age while l was admiring her ass , until she turned around and it was a very big oops , she just laughed. l think she's been having that issue for awhile now as she looks about 21 but she's only 13 . You'd never know it though to look at her .


----------



## whitehawk

bravenewworld said:


> For me the hardest part is when I asked my ex if the love for me he had was real - he never responded.
> 
> Like yourself and Enjoli, I am still optimistic though. Out of all the dang people on this crazy planet, I find it unfathomable there's not at least *one* who's a better fit!



Yeah , l think there's 5 or 6 at least , equally suited to us all . They'll each be different but still a great match .


----------



## whitehawk

Fk me , accidentally met yet another chick down the beach today, just talked. 5 now just walking the dog, swimming. Like girls l'd go for not just anyone, well if l wasn't seeing someone . 
Considering l don't have a life yet apart from T , but even before, the size of the population here and all to - very small.
Mind you , when it gets hot they do come from everywhere and l was banking on that when l moved here. When it's cold though, dead as a doornail. :rofl:
Pretty intriguing thing though really. l'm thinking date sites verses everyday life.
l must've met 20 girls on my site and with a whole lota [email protected] yet only one turned out to be something like who l'd normally go for when we actually met . 
Not running them down because we know some have done really well in them . But that was one hella of a lot of confusing crap for me though and for just eventually one very so so .

Yet somehow manage to meet probably 8 or 9 all up RL, very worthwhile girls if l was looking to, while just around , doing what few things l do do.
lt's just interesting, nice, refreshing after all the date site stuff . And it makes you realize there's still hope in life even after all the crap .
ps . Just thoughts really , for anyone looking , morel of the rant l guess is, even if you can't or, simply just can't even be bothered , just do your theng . Never do know what's gonna pop up next.


----------



## whitehawk

Hope to get my canoe back in the water next wk .l've been rebuilding it and with a bit of luck , might just finish it on the wk end finally.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Because I have low self esteem and seek validation from strangers. I know I am pretty, and yet I still want to hear it.


Stop it. You are in control and you can redirect your thoughts in this area. When you feel yourself wanting that validation, put the brakes on and give yourself a pep talk. Then, go DO something that makes you feel strong and powerful, but more importantly, worthwhile.

Fake it until you make it totally works on this.

What kind of friends do you have? What kinds of people do you surround yourself with?


----------



## RandomDude

How about we all gather around Ne and sing "pretty woman"! Yay


----------



## whitehawk

Can't remember the words


----------



## whitehawk

Maybe it was a sign earlier , not feeling too confident about things with T.
She just has so much stuff , l guess tam would call it baggage or drama .
It's like everywhere , every day. She's just got so much [email protected] going on . l can't talk about it all but it is like it can never end.
Then there was something with my d again that came up , she still hates her. She called her that slvt yesterday, Jesus 
One thing about my d too , when she doesn't like someone that's it. It never changes .


----------



## moxy

Not really feelin' it for the dude on Tinder anymore. At first, I thought we had a nice connection, but now I think it was just the thrill of novelty. Some stuff he says/does just turns me off. He's good-looking and sweet, but...I suspect that he's more of a player than he's letting on. And, I realize that part of me is just all excited by the possibility of sex than the realities of our conversations.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

whitehawk said:


> Maybe it was a sign earlier , not feeling too confident about things with T.
> She just has so much stuff , l guess tam would call it baggage or drama .
> It's like everywhere , every day. She's just got so much [email protected] going on . l can't talk about it all but it is like it can never end.
> Then there was something with my d again that came up , she still hates her. She called her that slvt yesterday, Jesus
> One thing about my d too , when she doesn't like someone that's it. It never changes .


So did she like T when T was "just" her friend's mom? :scratchhead:


----------



## Healer

bravenewworld said:


> Also, I imagine the crazy/fun/porn inspired sexual hijinks I can get into, completely forgetting that I am boring and won't be getting into anything except a six pack and bag of banana chips.


Lol.


----------



## Healer

Regarding Walmart - I see hotties in there all the time. Lots of hot moms. There must be some single ones, right???

I'm supposed to have a second date with Tinder girl Monday. I have the next day of, she doesn't, so I can't keep her out late. My friend is playing a gig that night - he's always fantastic. I might take her there. Although my first instinct is to invite her over to watch Netflix and make out on the couch. 

For the women on here - how many dates in before that's an acceptable proposition? Do you expect to be taken out on the town a bunch before you go back to his place or yours (not necessarily for sex, but just to hang out) or is that something you'd be down with early on?

I also matched with a woman ten years my junior on Tinder. She gave me her phone number and we've been texting. She's agreed to come see my band play. I said we could get together before that too to hang out one on one and she said she's into that. The youngest woman I dated was 30 (I was 37). This one is 29. She's from Malta. I'm intrigued.


----------



## FeministInPink

whitehawk said:


> I would have thought 5'6 or 7 was about average height for a girl.
> Bc most of mine have been known as short , 4'11 to ex who was tall to me at 5'2 , 5'6 or 7 sounds tall to me but really , it isn't . T is 5'4 , to me that's pretty tall but only bc l always end up with shorter girls.
> 
> l had a few approach me on my date site who were 6ft and 5'11 , that's tall.
> l found one on there once that was 3'6 . But she looked totally normally proportioned in her pic, cept she was looking up at her daughter .
> She was a real cutie to. Couldn't imagine 3'6 though , really .


About 15 yrs ago, I read an article that said the average female height in the U.S. is 5'4" and that the average male is 5'9". Don't know if the averages are the same in... you're in Australia, yeah? And those averages may have changed, IDK... I've also read, more recently, that due to declining nutrition standards in the U.S. (because people eat a lot of sh!t now, and are feeding their kids junk, that didn't even exist >30 yrs ago), average heights are _decreasing_.



whitehawk said:


> Wonder what age a girls sprouting last burst age is ?
> My daughters about 5'6 at 13 , maybe taller. She doesn't look tall at all though , it's only when she stands beside me that you realize.
> Like she's not extra leggy or anything like that.
> But at 13 , to be taller than any girl l've ever been out with already , you'd imagine she might be tall later .
> Saw one of her friends a few mths back in a cafe . l didn't know it was her or that age while l was admiring her ass , until she turned around and it was a very big oops , she just laughed. l think she's been having that issue for awhile now as she looks about 21 but she's only 13 . You'd never know it though to look at her .


It will vary. I hit 5'6" when I was 14 or 15 and that was it for me. But a friend in college, who was 5'10" when I met her in the fall term of our freshman year, hit a growth spurt after she turned 19 and grew another two inches over the next year. All in the legs. She had literal growing pains--she complained all the time about how much her legs hurt.

:rofl:

But my friend was pretty unusual, I think...


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Not really feelin' it for the dude on Tinder anymore. At first, I thought we had a nice connection, but now I think it was just the thrill of novelty. Some stuff he says/does just turns me off. He's good-looking and sweet, but...I suspect that he's more of a player than he's letting on. And, *I realize that part of me is just all excited by the possibility of sex* than the realities of our conversations.


Umm, that is OK!!! Nothing wrong with a little fun in bed between two consenting adults. You don't have to like EVERYTHING about him... just the parts that matter 

Have FUN!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Regarding Walmart - I see hotties in there all the time. Lots of hot moms. There must be some single ones, right???
> 
> I'm supposed to have a second date with Tinder girl Monday. I have the next day of, she doesn't, so I can't keep her out late. My friend is playing a gig that night - he's always fantastic. I might take her there. Although my first instinct is to invite her over to watch Netflix and make out on the couch.
> 
> For the women on here - how many dates in before that's an acceptable proposition? Do you expect to be taken out on the town a bunch before you go back to his place or yours (not necessarily for sex, but just to hang out) or is that something you'd be down with early on?
> 
> I also matched with a woman ten years my junior on Tinder. She gave me her phone umber and we've been texting. She's agreed to come see my band play. I said we could get together before that too to hang out one on one and she said she's into that. The youngest woman I dated was 30 (I was 37). This one is 29. She's from Malta. I'm intrigued.


I think it really depends on the woman. Some people have a self-imposed certain-number-of-dates-rule, some don't. And it depends on how comfortable/safe she feels with you before she goes back to your place. The media would have us believe that every man is a potential psycho killer, so some women are extra cautious.

Personally, I go with the flow... but I don't want to wait too long. But if I don't get at least a kiss, and preferably some making out, early on, I lose interest FAST. I've missed out on a couple of decent guys that way, because I figured they weren't really into me because they didn't make a move, and so I walked away. (Probably for the best, though.) But that's just me. I like a guy who's going to be physically assertive with me.

I'm also more of a homebody, so chilling at his place or my place, having dinner and Netflix sounds like a great date. If I really liked the guy, I think that would be a perfectly acceptable second date. I also don't believe in spending a lot of money on mediocre food at a place with little ambiance and lots of noise. I'm more interested in spending time with the other person; what we're doing isn't as important.

I would offer up the two choices to her, and see what she wants to do.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> For the women on here - how many dates in before that's an acceptable proposition? Do you expect to be taken out on the town a bunch before you go back to his place or yours (not necessarily for sex, but just to hang out) or is that something you'd be down with early on?


I would always assume that if I'm getting invited back to your place we are going to have sex. If I thought you were really into me and I was really into you, and both of us had expressed interest in relationship in general, I would be okay with it within 2 to 3 dates. If I knew you would have sex with me and then go out with a 29 year old from Malta hoping to have sex with her too, I would hold off indefinitely.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I think it really depends on the woman. Some people have a self-imposed certain-number-of-dates-rule, some don't. And it depends on how comfortable/safe she feels with you before she goes back to your place. The media would have us believe that every man is a potential psycho killer, so some women are extra cautious.
> 
> Personally, I go with the flow... but I don't want to wait too long. But if I don't get at least a kiss, and preferably some making out, early on, I lose interest FAST. I've missed out on a couple of decent guys that way, because I figured they weren't really into me because they didn't make a move, and so I walked away. (Probably for the best, though.) But that's just me. I like a guy who's going to be physically assertive with me.
> 
> I'm also more of a homebody, so chilling at his place or my place, having dinner and Netflix sounds like a great date. If I really liked the guy, I think that would be a perfectly acceptable second date. I also don't believe in spending a lot of money on mediocre food at a place with little ambiance and lots of noise. I'm more interested in spending time with the other person; what we're doing isn't as important.
> 
> I would offer up the two choices to her, and see what she wants to do.


Can I have your number?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I would always assume that if I'm getting invited back to your place we are going to have sex. If I thought you were really into me and I was really into you, and both of us had expressed interest in relationship in general, I would be okay with it within 2 to 3 dates. If I knew you would have sex with me and then go out with a 29 year old from Malta hoping to have sex with her too, I would hold off indefinitely.


Lol. Point taken fb. I'm honestly not just looking to get laid, I am looking for a real connection. It's been a month, so my judgement is a little clouded.

BUT - I have been a good boy and not called up lovergirl for a booty call.


----------



## FeministInPink

healer said:


> can i have your number?


867-5309


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> Stop it. You are in control and you can redirect your thoughts in this area. When you feel yourself wanting that validation, put the brakes on and give yourself a pep talk. Then, go DO something that makes you feel strong and powerful, but more importantly, worthwhile.
> 
> Fake it until you make it totally works on this.
> 
> What kind of friends do you have? What kinds of people do you surround yourself with?


I actually do not have very many friends, a co worker and I spend a lot of time together but said co worker is 23 and her hormones are always talking. She is fun and I enjoy doing stuff with her. On the weekends, I am usually at home just relaxing. My friends are very positive. I seriously do not see how I became so dependent on validation. It is annoying and sucks my energy away. Most times, I wake up and feel so confident and strong. Other times, I want attention from the male sex. I know this is a phase and hopefully I will come out of it soon.



moxy said:


> Not really feelin' it for the dude on Tinder anymore. At first, I thought we had a nice connection, but now I think it was just the thrill of novelty. Some stuff he says/does just turns me off. He's good-looking and sweet, but...I suspect that he's more of a player than he's letting on. And, I realize that part of me is just all excited by the possibility of sex than the realities of our conversations.


If you are not feeling it, stop talking with him to re assess your feelings. Do what feels best for you.



Healer said:


> I'm supposed to have a second date with Tinder girl Monday. I have the next day of, she doesn't, so I can't keep her out late. My friend is playing a gig that night - he's always fantastic. I might take her there. Although my first instinct is to invite her over to watch Netflix and make out on the couch.
> 
> For the women on here - how many dates in before that's an acceptable proposition? Do you expect to be taken out on the town a bunch before you go back to his place or yours (not necessarily for sex, but just to hang out) or is that something you'd be down with early on?
> .


Not on the first date obvisouly. Lets see??
Blue, I went over his house on the 5th date and I knew we would have sex. 
Navy guy, I have gone over his place twice, I knew I would not have sex with him. We watched netflix, talked, and made out like crazy. 
I do not necessarily think the man is expecting sex if I go over his place. Trust is a huge issue as well. I went to Navy's house on our third date because he is in the Navy, I had seen his ID card, memorized his name and important information. I felt safe with him. 
He actually offered to cook for me on our second date, but I turned him down, I felt going over to his place on our second date was too soon. 
We are all different though, what works for me, might not work for other women.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> 867-5309


Area code?


----------



## movealong

If you need a laugh, go to youtube and search "bad lip reading". The animal one and the Walking Dead videos are hilarious.

ne - the only validation you need is from your self. Your life is too valuable to live another moment thinking you are damaged goods or that you need someone else's opinion of whether you matter or whether you are attractive. 

FIP - I "knew" you were going to give him that number! LOL!


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> If you need a laugh, go to youtube and search "bad lip reading". The animal one and the Walking Dead videos are hilarious.
> 
> ne - the only validation you need is from your self. Your life is too valuable to live another moment thinking you are damaged goods or that you need someone else's opinion of whether you matter or whether you are attractive.
> 
> FIP - I "knew" you were going to give him that number! LOL!


It was either that, or this:

The Best New Way To Give A Guy A Fake Number | ThinkProgress

Nah, Healer seems OK to me... he seems to be doing OK, even without the wisdom of bell hooks.

_Edited to add:_ Actually, this number would be much more in line with my username


----------



## Another Planet

So my gf and I were sitting chatting and she just got a dic pick from some random number.....a few seconds later they text back sorry wrong number.
I don't even know how to feel ATM. I told her to leave, we both have to pick our kids up right now anyway. 
I am numb, I kind have shrugged it off but am pissed at the same time. We both have randoms from the past contact us every once in a while but not like this. Honestly just want to tell her it's over and I am tired.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> For the women on here - how many dates in before that's an acceptable proposition? Do you expect to be taken out on the town a bunch before you go back to his place or yours (not necessarily for sex, but just to hang out) or is that something you'd be down with early on?


Every woman is different but I wouldn't want to do Netflix/movie date at his house on the first or second date. I like to get to know someone a little. If someone asked me to go to his house on the first date, I would think he probably only wants to have sex. And personally, I don't fvck on the first date so I wouldn't be into it. That's just me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> So my gf and I were sitting chatting and she just got a dic pick from some random number.....a few seconds later they text back sorry wrong number.


:rofl:

Ooops!



Another Planet said:


> I don't even know how to feel ATM. I told her to leave, we both have to pick our kids up right now anyway.
> I am numb, I kind have shrugged it off but am pissed at the same time. We both have randoms from the past contact us every once in a while but not like this. Honestly just want to tell her it's over and I am tired.


But if it was a wrong number, then there's no reason to feel so slighted. Unless it was someone she's actively engaging and sexting. That is an entirely different thing though...


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Ooops!
> 
> But if it was a wrong number, then there's no reason to feel so slighted. Unless it was someone she's actively engaging and sexting. That is an entirely different thing though...


I agree... is there something else going on, AP? I mean, with you and GF? I remember you were upset a little while back, but you didn't go into what was bothering you...


----------



## 06Daddio08

If he's feeling this way, I doubt it's a stand alone event.


----------



## Jellybeans

Who wrong-numbers their penis? 

Omg I swear people are so stupid with their selfies... or rather d!ckies, in this sense.

I would never want my genitalia floating around in the digital open space. CRAZY.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Who wrong-numbers their penis?
> 
> Omg I swear people are so stupid with their selfies... or rather d!ckies, in this sense.
> 
> I would never want my genitalia floating around in the digital open space. CRAZY.


Seriously!!!


----------



## firebelly1

Yeah...what's up AP? This one wrong number can't be the whole reason.


----------



## Jellybeans

Love this


----------



## Another Planet

I don't really know guys...I'm just tired. Stressed out from work, picked up a over 3acres of pavement I have to manage on top of my normal workload from my contractor plus partnered up with an associate for a government contract starting ASAP. We are being threatened with an early major snowstorm next week and I am pulling my hair out getting equipment and people lined up.

Last week a guy she knew and I had met a couple times messaged her asking her whats up, she promptly blocked him. She always said they were just friends but when her and I hooked up he got pissed and deleted all contact so he obviously had something for her. 
This is not the first time someone has popped up and stirred the pot and she had to delete them like I said we both have BUT I would have to say mine have worked through and I am just tired of hers. 8months and we are trying to be serious and this keeps happening.....I am just tired of it.


----------



## movealong

Another Planet said:


> This is not the first time someone has popped up and stirred the pot and she had to delete them like I said we both have BUT I would have to say mine have worked through and I am just tired of hers. 8months and we are trying to be serious and this keeps happening.....I am just tired of it.


There is a saying in AA that when we are angry at, or discontented with, someone it usually has as much (if not more) to do with us as it does with them.

What is it really that is pissing you off? Or are you looking for an out? Maybe your feelings have changed? Maybe you really just want to be in a pissed off mood? I say all this because if she is deleting the messages, and you know about them, she is not hiding anything, so there is more to it than just messages.

Find out what is the root cause of the anger/discontent and address it.


----------



## Another Planet

She texted me a little bit a go with a new number, said "New number babe, I will do whatever it takes to be with you and make you feel good and secure".....


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> I don't really know guys...I'm just tired. Stressed out from work, picked up a over 3acres of pavement I have to manage on top of my normal workload from my contractor plus partnered up with an associate for a government contract starting ASAP. We are being threatened with an early major snowstorm next week and I am pulling my hair out getting equipment and people lined up.
> 
> Last week a guy she knew and I had met a couple times messaged her asking her whats up, she promptly blocked him. She always said they were just friends but when her and I hooked up he got pissed and deleted all contact so he obviously had something for her.
> This is not the first time someone has popped up and stirred the pot and she had to delete them like I said we both have BUT I would have to say mine have worked through and I am just tired of hers. 8months and we are trying to be serious and this keeps happening.....I am just tired of it.


Do you believe her when she says all of them were "just friends?" Seems like it might give you more comfort if she said "he had the hots for me, I was never interested" if it's clear that he didn't think they were "just friends." Or would it? Is the fact that your girlfriend is hot and pursued by other men just tiring?


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> There is a saying in AA that when we are angry at, or discontented with, someone it usually has as much (if not more) to do with us as it does with them.
> 
> What is it really that is pissing you off? Or are you looking for an out? Maybe your feelings have changed? Maybe you really just want to be in a pissed off mood? I say all this because if she is deleting the messages, and you know about them, she is not hiding anything, so there is more to it than just messages.
> 
> Find out what is the root cause of the anger/discontent and address it.


:iagree:

I think movealong has a really good point. You're both adults, and so you both have a past with other partners that existed before you knew each other. From what you're saying, it sounds like she's being open, not hiding anything, and she's deleting the messages and blocking the senders.

It sounds like you're just stressed overall by a lot of things, and your monkey brain is having a hard time identifying where the stress is really coming from.

Take a step back and get some perspective, like movealong says.


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> So did she like T when T was "just" her friend's mom? :scratchhead:



As it turns out , nah , it goes right back . Like they aren't around each other yet , or me T's kids , only a few times. 
Like they've been onto us though and ex told me d said to her a few wks ago , God what's he hanging out with her for . Ha , so much for my private life !


----------



## Another Planet

movealong said:


> There is a saying in AA that when we are angry at, or discontented with, someone it usually has as much (if not more) to do with us as it does with them.
> 
> What is it really that is pissing you off? Or are you looking for an out? Maybe your feelings have changed? Maybe you really just want to be in a pissed off mood? I say all this because if she is deleting the messages, and you know about them, she is not hiding anything, so there is more to it than just messages.
> 
> Find out what is the root cause of the anger/discontent and address it.


I never said I was pissed or angry...I have been way to far on the other side to be ignorant about human nature and what really happens, I know people can be nasty and liars and backstabbers and betrayers and etc...I'm not angry...maybe disappointed and thinking "whats the point?"



firebelly1 said:


> Do you believe her when she says all of them were "just friends?" Seems like it might give you more comfort if she said "he had the hots for me, I was never interested" if it's clear that he didn't think they were "just friends." Or would it? Is the fact that your girlfriend is hot and pursued by other men just tiring?


The one I mentioned I know was just friends. Others I don't know? Do I care?, no but it still doesn't mean I want them sending random **** pics! wtf is wrong with people?



FeministInPink said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I think movealong has a really good point. You're both adults, and so you both have a past with other partners that existed before you knew each other. From what you're saying, it sounds like she's being open, not hiding anything, and she's deleting the messages and blocking the senders.
> 
> It sounds like you're just stressed overall by a lot of things, and your monkey brain is having a hard time identifying where the stress is really coming from.
> 
> Take a step back and get some perspective, like movealong says.


I am well aware of the situation. The reality of it is do I want to deal with it or not, do I want to feel this way possibly again? Do I want to deal with the corners of my mind holding these? I'm not sure.....


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> The one I mentioned I know was just friends. Others I don't know? Do I care?, no but it still doesn't mean I want them sending random **** pics! wtf is wrong with people?


Because people are nuts. 

(and want to show their nuts). 

Crazy.

:crazy:


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> I never said I was pissed or angry...I have been way to far on the other side to be ignorant about human nature and what really happens,* I know people can be nasty and liars and backstabbers and betrayers and etc*...I'm not angry...maybe disappointed and thinking "whats the point?"


Yes, some people CAN be, but not all people are. Many people are NOT like that. The question is, which camp does your GF fall into?

Are you making false assumptions about her based on negative past experiences... in other words, are you projecting your insecurities onto her?


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> About 15 yrs ago, I read an article that said the average female height in the U.S. is 5'4" and that the average male is 5'9". Don't know if the averages are the same in... you're in Australia, yeah? And those averages may have changed, IDK... I've also read, more recently, that due to declining nutrition standards in the U.S. (because people eat a lot of sh!t now, and are feeding their kids junk, that didn't even exist >30 yrs ago), average heights are _decreasing_.
> 
> 
> 
> It will vary. I hit 5'6" when I was 14 or 15 and that was it for me. But a friend in college, who was 5'10" when I met her in the fall term of our freshman year, hit a growth spurt after she turned 19 and grew another two inches over the next year. All in the legs. She had literal growing pains--she complained all the time about how much her legs hurt.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> But my friend was pretty unusual, I think...


Yeah right . That friend of hers in the cafe is my height now , she's 14ish l think. She's always been much taller than the others.

l think my last sprout was about 16 , maybe a tiny bit more later but mainly filling out from there. For awhile though l thought oh God , hope l don't turn into a 7ftr . l was really worried through 16-17.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> So my gf and I were sitting chatting and she just got a dic pick from some random number.....a few seconds later they text back sorry wrong number.
> I don't even know how to feel ATM. I told her to leave, we both have to pick our kids up right now anyway.
> I am numb, I kind have shrugged it off but am pissed at the same time. We both have randoms from the past contact us every once in a while but not like this. Honestly just want to tell her it's over and I am tired.


We might end up drowning our sorrows together ap  . 
Anyway , maybe it was nothing , just like she said .


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> She texted me a little bit a go with a new number, said "New number babe, I will do whatever it takes to be with you and make you feel good and secure".....



Hey, that's a good sign, right? If she's changing her number and disconnecting her past, it means that she's really making an effort.

It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now, though. Is the relationship something that is making you feel pressured? Are you just displacing your stress or frustration?

Did the new number thing help you?


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> I don't really know guys...I'm just tired. Stressed out from work, picked up a over 3acres of pavement I have to manage on top of my normal workload from my contractor plus partnered up with an associate for a government contract starting ASAP. We are being threatened with an early major snowstorm next week and I am pulling my hair out getting equipment and people lined up.
> 
> Last week a guy she knew and I had met a couple times messaged her asking her whats up, she promptly blocked him. She always said they were just friends but when her and I hooked up he got pissed and deleted all contact so he obviously had something for her.
> This is not the first time someone has popped up and stirred the pot and she had to delete them like I said we both have BUT I would have to say mine have worked through and I am just tired of hers. 8months and we are trying to be serious and this keeps happening.....I am just tired of it.



l think l might be hearing you ap. Like totally different scenarios but a very similar feeling.
Work wise , every time l think l'm on easy street , next minute , l'm no where or things are out of control again, coping .
So that's one thing , on top of everything l've been through in this last 2yrs. l need a fkg rest with life .

But every time l see T , there's just more . And right when l just finish putting all this energy into the last 2 or 3 things and l think ahh , thank fk that's blown over , turn up even the next day and there's more .And now with the school year ending , there's even more and she might have to move an hour away . 
Not that l'm solving her stuff for her , but of course l am in there amongst it all the time. There's no avoiding it . And right when l think lt's all either sorted or , opposite, can't handle any more of this - wammo , over night even more huge stuff pops up , and again and again.
Like just this wk , she finds out she'll have to move and hour away for new schools , and she's gotta have serious knee surgery .
Just this wk . That's her normal wk, stuff just falls out of the sky , day after day. Most of it isn't her doing it's more because of the kids and her situation , ex's and things , it just keeps on coming .

So on top of everything l've just been through ,coping with work , worrying about my d with me and T , and then all T's stuff that just never seems to end, just about out of puff on it all for now .


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Because people are nuts.
> 
> (and want to show their nuts).
> 
> Crazy.
> 
> :crazy:


I really don't know, by this time I would have to think EVERYONE knows we are together and I don't believe in mistakes or "accidents", everything happens for a reason.



FeministInPink said:


> Yes, some people CAN be, but not all people are. Many people are NOT like that. The question is, which camp does your GF fall into?
> 
> Are you making false assumptions about her based on negative past experiences... in other words, are you projecting your insecurities onto her?


Only in a sense that I know what I want and what I do not want to experience. 



whitehawk said:


> We might end up drowning our sorrows together ap  .
> Anyway , maybe it was nothing , just like she said .


It probably was absolutely nothing but it is just the fact that do I want to even use that excuse? Do I really want to have the story logged in our book saying "hey you remember that time that random dude sent you a dic pic?, ohh man good times!"



moxy said:


> Hey, that's a good sign, right? If she's changing her number and disconnecting her past, it means that she's really making an effort.
> 
> It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now, though. Is the relationship something that is making you feel pressured? Are you just displacing your stress or frustration?
> 
> Did the new number thing help you?


I don't know if it helped, I am still in the WTF does anything even matter camp.


----------



## Another Planet

whitehawk said:


> l think l might be hearing you ap. Like totally different scenarios but a very similar feeling.
> Work wise , every time l think l'm on easy street , next minute , l'm no where or things are out of control again, coping .
> So that's one thing , on top of everything l've been through in this last 2yrs. l need a fkg rest with life .
> 
> But every time l see T , there's just more . And right when l just finish putting all this energy into the last 2 or 3 things and l think ahh , thank fk that's blown over , turn up even the next day and there's more .And now with the school year ending , there's even more and she might have to move an hour away .
> Not that l'm solving her stuff for her , but of course l am in there amongst it all the time. There's no avoiding it . And right when l think lt's all either sorted or , opposite, can't handle any more of this - wammo , over night even more huge stuff pops up , and again and again.
> Like just this wk , she finds out she'll have to move and hour away for new schools , and she's gotta have serious knee surgery .
> Just this wk . That's her normal wk, stuff just falls out of the sky , day after day. Most of it isn't her doing it's more because of the kids and her situation , ex's and things , it just keeps on coming .
> 
> So on top of everything l've just been through ,coping with work , worrying about my d with me and T , and then all T's stuff that just never seems to end, just about out of puff on it all for now .


Yes. I only have so much time, so much ability, so much energy in the day. Do I really want to apply it in this direction?


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Yes. I only have so much time, so much ability, so much energy in the day. Do I really want to apply it in this direction?


You do want this woman. You could possibly love her. Do not let fear and insecurities rob you of something wonderful.

Do not make any rash decisions. If you must, take a weekend away by yourself. She might not be a good person nor a bad person, but she is a decent woman. 

A life is about enjoying our magical moments and tacking those horrendous/stressful times. Take a breather. Do not make any rash decisions.


----------



## whitehawk

Ah , wouldn't worry about just that one off anyway ap. Not real cool but it could be just like she said. Lot of morons out there .

Me , yeah l feel too tired to right now too. Been a hella of a few years. T's stuff is more than enough under the best circumstances but right now , holy hell.
Great girl , never complains or moans , she just deals with it , but


----------



## Arendt

moxy said:


> Hey, that's a good sign, right? If she's changing her number and disconnecting her past, it means that she's really making an effort.
> 
> It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now, though. Is the relationship something that is making you feel pressured? Are you just displacing your stress or frustration?
> 
> Did the new number thing help you?


Is that a good sign? It might be if she no longer wants people contacting her. But if she did this to please AP, and try to make him less jealous, I think it is a worrying sign, for both.

AP: you seem like a good, decent person. Have you ever went to therapy to see what is behind this jealousy? You've mentioned it before in terms of "territory" and all that.


----------



## Another Planet

Arendt said:


> Is that a good sign? It might be if she no longer wants people contacting her. But if she did this to please AP, and try to make him less jealous, I think it is a worrying sign, for both.
> 
> AP: you seem like a good, decent person. Have you ever went to therapy to see what is behind this jealousy? You've mentioned it before in terms of "territory" and all that.


 Arendt not to sure where you would personally like to be in a supposed serious relationship involving kids and plans of moving in together but my GF getting dic pics from random strange guys is not on my agenda. If that makes me jealous then so be it...never fit my description of jealously, more like way over the boundaries.


----------



## Arendt

Sure. I didn't read too far back. I saw a post where a man asked her what is up, and that was it. 

Sending somebody a picture like that is sexual harassment. So I see how that can be upsetting to her and you. Sorry if I misunderstood.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Arendt not to sure where you would personally like to be in a supposed serious relationship involving kids and plans of moving in together but my GF getting dic pics from random strange guys is not on my agenda. If that makes me jealous then so be it...never fit my description of jealously, more like way over the boundaries.


Would it be out of line to call/text the guy and ask why he is sending those pics to your girlfriend?


----------



## vi_bride04

AP - do not ignore your gut

Be true to yourself and don't second guess things you are picking up on. You've been around the block enough to know when something isn't adding up.


----------



## whitehawk

ls it selfish to feel you just can't cope with someones stuff right now ?
There's always stuff , often it makes you a couple , but so much , so heavy , l dunno.


----------



## whitehawk

l think l might've been tempted into having a wittle peak at her phone log , just to make sure .


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> ls it selfish to feel you just can't cope with someones stuff right now ?
> There's always stuff , often it makes you a couple , but so much , so heavy , l dunno.


It's never selfish to look out for what's best for you. Don't deal with drama you don't want to.


----------



## hope4family

Well things with me and lil red never worked out romantically. But, as odd as it may sound, we have a budding friendship. Truth be told, I am satisfied with this. There are plenty of other women I can let come and go, but every once and a precious while, I get a rare gift of enjoying someones company, and just be me. 

Past 3 weeks, we have carved pumkins, recorded footage of her smashing said pumkin, gone shooting, watched movies, and just well chilled. 

That being said, there was another girl I was pursuing in all of this, blew me off twice in the sense of having to cancel a meetup. So, I go ghost now. 

Hosted a party, and now both my refrigerators are full of beer. 

Life is good I'd say. Work is crazy, otherwise, it would be almost too relaxing.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Would it be out of line to call/text the guy and ask why he is sending those pics to your girlfriend?


She was sitting with me, texts received and deleted and then blocked right in front of me.



vi_bride04 said:


> AP - do not ignore your gut
> 
> Be true to yourself and don't second guess things you are picking up on. You've been around the block enough to know when something isn't adding up.


 I know right...



whitehawk said:


> l think l might've been tempted into having a wittle peak at her phone log , just to make sure .


Already have, we have full access to each others. Worst part is I KNOW from experience it doesn't fckn matter if we are looking at their phone or not, they will just have a spare in the car or make up 7 different email addresses it just doesn't matter it will happen if they want it to.



vi_bride04 said:


> It's never selfish to look out for what's best for you. Don't deal with drama you don't want to.


Namaste, I have only found peace in understanding. I know to much so all I can do is just accept what is and look out for the best intentions and not involve myself in the bad intentions.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



hope4family said:


> There are plenty of other women I can let come and go, but every once and a precious while, I get a rare gift of enjoying someones company, and just be me.


Know what you mean. I'm finding its more important to keep the people in your life that completely accept you for you. Sometimes people make better friends than romantic partners. Nothing wrong with that. 

Life is about being happy. Why does that mean having to be in a committed relationship?


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Know what you mean. I'm finding its more important to keep the people in your life that completely accept you for you. Sometimes people make better friends than romantic partners. Nothing wrong with that.
> 
> Life is about being happy. Why does that mean having to be in a committed relationship?


Vi some day we are gonna have to hang out. You are way to near to not....play some euchre


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> She was sitting with me, texts received and deleted and then blocked right in front of me.
> 
> 
> 
> I know right...
> 
> 
> 
> Already have, we have full access to each others. Worst part is I KNOW from experience it doesn't fckn matter if we are looking at their phone or not, they will just have a spare in the car or make up 7 different email addresses it just doesn't matter it will happen if they want it to.
> 
> 
> 
> Namaste, I have only found peace in understanding. I know to much so all I can do is just accept what is and look out for the best intentions and not involve myself in the bad intentions.



Not sure if you meant that in your sitch or mine ap but l wrote it about mine.
l feel as if l'd be abandoning T but l just need a break from the [email protected] for awhile.
And now something else has happened just since l wrote it.


----------



## whitehawk

And now the kids are upset , again. God l hate seeing little T upset all the time , tears me up.


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Know what you mean. I'm finding its more important to keep the people in your life that completely accept you for you. Sometimes people make better friends than romantic partners. Nothing wrong with that.
> 
> Life is about being happy. Why does that mean having to be in a committed relationship?



Yeah it's weird isn't it vi , why does it ? There's no reason really, none at all .
l spose for me it's just because that's all l've ever known really . Yeah l had single years but along time ago now , just a kid really.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



whitehawk said:


> Yeah it's weird isn't it vi , why does it ? There's no reason really, none at all .
> l spose for me it's just because that's all l've ever known really . Yeah l had single years but along time ago now , just a kid really.


Well maybe it's time to try something new.  hope you are able to device what to do with T but sounds like it's not worth the drama.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, some people CAN be, but not all people are. Many people are NOT like that. The question is, which camp does your GF fall into?
> 
> Are you making false assumptions about her based on negative past experiences... in other words, are you projecting your insecurities onto her?


It's not insecurities. 

Why do you women always use that label on men who are just fvcking fed up with the bullsh!t?

AP is tired of the bullsh!t that accompanies dating in this modern age, and I am too. When Syrian and I were together she has that fvcking iPhone in her hand 24/7. Girlfriends texting nonstop about totally unimportant sh!t, satellite guys sending her pics....it never fvcking ended.

Glad I'm done with all that crap.


----------



## Fenix

whitehawk said:


> ls it selfish to feel you just can't cope with someones stuff right now ?
> There's always stuff , often it makes you a couple , but so much , so heavy , l dunno.


 No, not selfish. Especially when you have your daughter to consider. Which leads me to ask: do you think your daughter will accept any woman into your life or is it just T? Because that combined with the drama would lead me to distance myself. Drama is rarely part of someone's life who doesn't have issues though. Even it is 'only' due to past poor choices.



whitehawk said:


> l think l might've been tempted into having a wittle peak at her phone log , just to make sure .


Follow your gut. That's the wonderful little consequence of having been betrayed...It is easy to be tipped into hypervigilance, which is kind of sad.




Another Planet said:


> She was sitting with me, texts received and deleted and then blocked right in front of me.
> 
> 
> 
> I know right...
> 
> 
> 
> Already have, we have full access to each others. Worst part is I KNOW from experience it doesn't fckn matter if we are looking at their phone or not, they will just have a spare in the car or make up 7 different email addresses it just doesn't matter it will happen if they want it to.
> 
> 
> 
> Namaste, I have only found peace in understanding. I know to much so all I can do is just accept what is and look out for the best intentions and not involve myself in the bad intentions.


Exactly. Have to say that I am unimpressed with the new phone number. It is easypeasy for someone to get a second phone. *shrug* I go back to follow your instinct.



bandit.45 said:


> It's not insecurities.
> 
> Why do you women always use that label on men who are just fvcking fed up with the bullsh!t?
> 
> AP is tired of the bullsh!t that accompanies dating in this modern age, and I am too. When Syrian and I were together she has that fvcking iPhone in her hand 24/7. Girlfriends texting nonstop about totally unimportant sh!t, satellite guys sending her pics....it never fvcking ended.
> 
> Glad I'm done with all that crap.


I still fall back to the thought that with the right person, it isn't an issue. When it is, that is a red flag.


----------



## whitehawk

Fenix said:


> No, not selfish. Especially when you have your daughter to consider. Which leads me to ask: do you think your daughter will accept any woman into your life or is it just T? Because that combined with the drama would lead me to distance myself. Drama is rarely part of someone's life who doesn't have issues though. Even it is 'only' due to past poor choices.
> 
> @ Thanks Fenix. D , God l just don't know, T is the first one she's vaguely known about . Going on her general taste in people though ,l can see where she's at and T ain't it . But then she'd hate me spending so much time around little T to so it's a double.
> The drama , she's def' got a knack for it that's for sure. A lot of it is from an ex, then a bad family.
> I dunno , we just get along so nicely though , total zinc . That's damn hard to find , especially if you throw in attraction.
> 
> 
> Follow your gut. That's the wonderful little consequence of having been betrayed...It is easy to be tipped into hypervigilance, which is kind of sad.
> 
> 
> @ This one was actually for AP . Thankfully , at least none of those dramas with T .


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> Well maybe it's time to try something new.  hope you are able to device what to do with T but sounds like it's not worth the drama.



Must admit , had 18mths of it after our sep' , not to impressed though tbh :scratchhead:.
T , man it's a toughy . As l was just saying to Fenix the drama, l can't really see any light at the end of that tunnel tbh .We just have such a cool thing between us though. Such a hard call. Like say we shacked up later , that would fix a helluv a lot of things , but then there's my D and a whole new can of worms there so back to square one anyway unless T grows on her , which l can't see happening knowing D .


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> It's not insecurities.
> 
> Why do you women always use that label on men who are just fvcking fed up with the bullsh!t?
> 
> AP is tired of the bullsh!t that accompanies dating in this modern age, and I am too. When Syrian and I were together she has that fvcking iPhone in her hand 24/7. Girlfriends texting nonstop about totally unimportant sh!t, satellite guys sending her pics....it never fvcking ended.
> 
> Glad I'm done with all that crap.


If I am in a serious relationship with a guy for 8 months (heck! even two months) he better not be on his phone 24/7 nor getting any pvssy pics! I would grab that phone and thrown it at the wall! Then leave him with a smile 

No explanations given. Sometimes people are clueless....

Speaking of cell division, Do you guys know what "fade out" means in the dating world?

"The "Fade Out" is when you slowly stop hanging out, calling, emailing, and text messaging, a friend or more specifically a lover, with the intent of never speaking to them again. The "Fade Out" when put into action correctly should take no more than a month to completely "Fade Out" the offending party. If you tend do "Drunk Dialing" it will certainly extend and possibly cancel the "Fade Out" process and you will have to start over. If you attempt the "Fade Out" after 2 months of dating be prepared for retaliation. Be warned that if you dare put the "Fade Out" into action and aren't fully committed to the process you will end up in a horrible relationship that will never end. The "Fade Out" works best when fading out men, however, women seem to be more attracted to men who use the "Fade Out". 

I think Navy guy is doing this to me, so no more reaching out to him on my part.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Must admit , had 18mths of it after our sep' , not to impressed though tbh :scratchhead:.
> T , man it's a toughy . As l was just saying to Fenix the drama, l can't really see any light at the end of that tunnel tbh .We just have such a cool thing between us though. Such a hard call. Like say we shacked up later , that would fix a helluv a lot of things , but then there's my D and a whole new can of worms there so back to square one anyway unless T grows on her , which l can't see happening knowing D .


I am confused, sometimes I have a hard time reading your posts. Are you having sex with T? 

Fenix asked a really good question, is your daughter against all women you wish to date or only T?


----------



## bandit.45

ne9907 said:


> If I am in a serious relationship with a guy for 8 months (heck! even two months) he better not be on his phone 24/7 nor getting any pvssy pics! I would grab that phone and thrown it at the wall! Then leave him with a smile
> 
> No explanations given. Sometimes people are clueless....
> 
> Speaking of cell division, Do you guys know what "fade out" means in the dating world?
> 
> "The "Fade Out" is when you slowly stop hanging out, calling, emailing, and text messaging, a friend or more specifically a lover, with the intent of never speaking to them again. The "Fade Out" when put into action correctly should take no more than a month to completely "Fade Out" the offending party. If you tend do "Drunk Dialing" it will certainly extend and possibly cancel the "Fade Out" process and you will have to start over. If you attempt the "Fade Out" after 2 months of dating be prepared for retaliation. Be warned that if you dare put the "Fade Out" into action and aren't fully committed to the process you will end up in a horrible relationship that will never end. The "Fade Out" works best when fading out men, however, women seem to be more attracted to men who use the "Fade Out".
> 
> I think Navy guy is doing this to me, so no more reaching out to him on my part.



That's some good sh!t right there. 


When I'm out with a woman, I want connection. I'm focused on her and she on me. Talking. Real, actual honest to god face to face talking. 

And besides, texting while you're on a date is just plain rude.


----------



## moxy

So, I'm definitely turned off by Tinder guy and not into him anymore. He's still hot, but I don't think we're going to be compatible for more than a little bit of random sex. I'd rather hook up with someone consistently for a while -- or, find a bf. So, ehhh.

I have other matches on Tinder, but only one really excites me -- and, he's lukewarm in his responses to me, or just a quiet sort of guy and I don't want to pursue right now.

So, eff dating for this weekend; I'm spending it in my office on work.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> So, I'm definitely turned off by Tinder guy and not into him anymore. He's still hot, but I don't think we're going to be compatible for more than a little bit of random sex. I'd rather hook up with someone consistently for a while -- or, find a bf. So, ehhh.
> 
> I have other matches on Tinder, but only one really excites me -- and, he's lukewarm in his responses to me, or just a quiet sort of guy and I don't want to pursue right now.
> 
> So, eff dating for this weekend; I'm spending it in my office on work.


Fvck, fvck, fvck....it's all you want to do!





I hate boring weekends. I have to change my break pads today. Bleh.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Fvck, fvck, fvck....it's all you want to do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate boring weekends. I have to change my *break* pads today. Bleh.


brake


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Fvck, fvck, fvck....it's all you want to do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate boring weekends. I have to change my break pads today. Bleh.





Another Planet said:


> brake


:lol::rofl:

I was going to go down to Ensenada Mexico, but my stupid roommate does not have a passport and my stupid friends don't have a four day weekend!

So it is relaxing, Netflix, reading, movies, and just family time for me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm really starting to dislike texting in relationships, although I wasn't much of a fan of it before either after all the online dating.

If it's important ... call. If I'm really worth it, you'll show up at my door. I'd do the exact same thing for a woman, I expect the same in return.

Have to admit, going NC has been a rough experience. Didn't want to but really don't see any other way.


----------



## moxy

bandit.45 said:


> Fvck, fvck, fvck....it's all you want to do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate boring weekends. I have to change my break pads today. Bleh.



Embarrassingly and unfortunately true. If I were acting on my impulses and thoughts, I'd call myself a sex addict. I just want a reasonable FWB or a BF, but I am apparently blocking myself. 

Lucky you that you're not drowning in deadlines!!! 



06Daddio08 said:


> I'm really starting to dislike texting in relationships, although I wasn't much of a fan of it before either after all the online dating.
> 
> If it's important ... call. If I'm really worth it, you'll show up at my door. I'd do the exact same thing for a woman, I expect the same in return.
> 
> Have to admit, going NC has been a rough experience. Didn't want to but really don't see any other way.



A call or a visit means sooooo much more than texting. I agree.


----------



## unsure78

NC is almost always the best Up.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

moxy said:


> A call or a visit means sooooo much more than texting. I agree.


I enjoy getting the texts as well, the good mornings or little things when you both don't have the time to see each other is alright. It's when that becomes the substitute for getting together, things just start to slowly die.


----------



## Healer

06Daddio08 said:


> I enjoy getting the texts as well, the good mornings or little things when you both don't have the time to see each other is alright. It's when that becomes the substitute for getting together, things just start to slowly die.


My ex wife (who was cheating) ended our marriage via text. On my daughter's birthday. Oh how I miss her.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Fvck, fvck, fvck....it's all you want to do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I hate boring weekends. I have to change my break pads today. Bleh.



Here is a break, the break you need. My next trip out of country to Tahiti

http://youtu.be/KBdAnMaW9ME


----------



## Ikaika

One more from Tahiti

http://youtu.be/lE1ozN5tfoU


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I am confused, sometimes I have a hard time reading your posts. Are you having sex with T?
> 
> Fenix asked a really good question, is your daughter against all women you wish to date or only T?



Hell yeah , 
As for D , as l was saying to Fenix , T is the only one she's ever known about , so l just dunno if she;d be that way with someone else.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Hell yeah ,
> As for D , as l was saying to Fenix , T is the only one she's ever known about , so l just dunno if she;d be that way with someone else.


oh, maybe you should a conversation with your daughter and explain that you will date other women and it doesn't mean you love her any less.

BTW, I found this website

http://www.dialteg.org/

I like it.


----------



## firebelly1

On Thursday I had a date with a guy I'd met at a party on Halloween. He lives 4 hours away, but in a lot of ways he and I seem compatible. Going out again next weekend. What's interesting to me that I hate admitting lest I attract the "gold digger" crowd is that I find him more attractive because of his job. I have figured out for myself that money doesn't attract me so much as power, and he has a good amount in his job. He also has a really calm, grounded energy, which I really like. Ever watch the Dog Whisperer? Know how that guy can just stand there and a dog will sit or roll over or whatever? That's the kind of energy this guy has. And I find myself wanting to roll over. 

Then last night had a "date" with new FWB. He dropped $130 on an Italian restaurant he had to get reservations for. Then made sure he walked on the inside of the sidewalk as we walked to the car. Then took me to a great venue hosting the jazz festival. Then mind-blowing sex back at his place. Oy. Hard for a girl to resist that kind of stuff. But definitely not FWB behavior. If only he would cut his very long hair we might get somewhere.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> oh, maybe you should a conversation with your daughter and explain that you will date other women and it doesn't mean you love her any less.
> 
> BTW, I found this website
> 
> The Approach… — Meeting Your Next Date Starts Here…
> 
> I like it.



Yeah. Thing is , D isn't even suppose to even know about T yet , neither was T's kids meant to know about me yet, it's just too soon . But unfortunately they figured it out anyway mths ago.
Your suppose to keep anyone new away from your kids you see. You need to know if someone new is actually going to add up to anything serious first .
l agree with this , that's why l haven't had any other women around my D yet . And T , well it's only been 3mths , that's too soon to have her around my D because you can't be sure if it's even going to go anywhere at only 3mths .

But because my D found out so soon , l have had little talks with her and T has with her kids too.
l've just said though that we're just friends really , we just hang out a bit , l felt terrible not being 100% honest about it but l just feel that's best for now as it's just too soon.
Especially as D doesn't like her , l don't want her worrying about anything else just yet , she's been through enough.


----------



## whitehawk

firebelly1 said:


> On Thursday I had a date with a guy I'd met at a party on Halloween. He lives 4 hours away, but in a lot of ways he and I seem compatible. Going out again next weekend. What's interesting to me that I hate admitting lest I attract the "gold digger" crowd is that I find him more attractive because of his job. I have figured out for myself that money doesn't attract me so much as power, and he has a good amount in his job. He also has a really calm, grounded energy, which I really like. Ever watch the Dog Whisperer? Know how that guy can just stand there and a dog will sit or roll over or whatever? That's the kind of energy this guy has. And I find myself wanting to roll over.
> 
> Then last night had a "date" with new FWB. He dropped $130 on an Italian restaurant he had to get reservations for. Then made sure he walked on the inside of the sidewalk as we walked to the car. Then took me to a great venue hosting the jazz festival. Then mind-blowing sex back at his place. Oy. Hard for a girl to resist that kind of stuff. But definitely not FWB behavior. If only he would cut his very long hair we might get somewhere.



So he's good with dogs then eh :rofl:
Sorry , couldn't resist .


----------



## whitehawk

Yeah l use Texting for my work , be lost without it as l hate wasting time talking to customers all day .

But with T , well we do text a lot. But mainly because the kids are around so we can't just talk on the phone all day and night or drop everything and just rock up any old time.
But when we're together she doesn't even have her phone usually ,well it'll be in her bag or something because she's gotta be contactable for her kids but that's about it.

When l met Beach House , someone else l was seeing for awhile way back when .
She hated mobile phones and anything internet . She despised all of it and what it was all doing to people.
l thought that was really cool , and very fkg refreshing not seeing a female with a mob stapled to her head 24/7especially after ex.
All she used was a land line . No email, no text , no mob , it was always really cool just ringing each other up , the old fashion way.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> On Thursday I had a date with a guy I'd met at a party on Halloween. He lives 4 hours away, but in a lot of ways he and I seem compatible. Going out again next weekend. What's interesting to me that I hate admitting lest I attract the "gold digger" crowd is that I find him more attractive because of his job. I have figured out for myself that money doesn't attract me so much as power, and he has a good amount in his job. He also has a really calm, grounded energy, which I really like. Ever watch the Dog Whisperer? Know how that guy can just stand there and a dog will sit or roll over or whatever? That's the kind of energy this guy has. And I find myself wanting to roll over.
> 
> Then last night had a "date" with new FWB. He dropped $130 on an Italian restaurant he had to get reservations for. Then made sure he walked on the inside of the sidewalk as we walked to the car. Then took me to a great venue hosting the jazz festival. Then mind-blowing sex back at his place. Oy. Hard for a girl to resist that kind of stuff. But definitely not FWB behavior. If only he would cut his very long hair we might get somewhere.




Ack... makes me glad FWB is still with me

Can't imagine having to grind through all the potential FWBs again to get to a decent one, tis not safe! 

Rather ironic too that FWB and I have sexual arrangements that are now by comparison far more mutually beneficial and understood then anything I had in marriage. Amazing what can be accomplished when there aren't emotions toying with one's brain waves!

Meh


----------



## whitehawk

Well , l've almost finished my canoe . Can't wait .
Damn though , can't work on it Sunday and finish it off as l need to have a rest , big wk at work next week.
l've got a lake and ocean river mouth at the end of my street. See it out the kitchen window all the time . Can't wait to be back out there on that baby skitting about in the canoe again . Always clears the head .


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Ack... makes me glad FWB is still with me
> 
> Can't imagine having to grind through all the potential FWBs again to get to a decent one, tis not safe!
> 
> Rather ironic too that FWB and I have sexual arrangements that are now by comparison far more mutually beneficial and understood then anything I had in marriage. Amazing what can be accomplished when there aren't emotions toying with one's brain waves!
> 
> Meh


Good communication makes relationships less turbulent, more often than not.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Ack... makes me glad FWB is still with me
> 
> Can't imagine having to grind through all the potential FWBs again to get to a decent one, tis not safe!
> 
> Rather ironic too that FWB and I have sexual arrangements that are now by comparison far more mutually beneficial and understood then anything I had in marriage. Amazing what can be accomplished when there aren't emotions toying with one's brain waves!
> 
> Meh



That must all be the most bizarrest thing . You know , l could not even imagine being in some emotionless thing with some women. :scratchhead:


----------



## moxy

Ikaika said:


> One more from Tahiti
> 
> TAHITI ORA VAHINE DANCE - YouTube


Wow. Those women are awesome at that dance.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Wow. Those women are awesome at that dance.



Ha , pretty chuncky women really to , considering they dance so much and probably live on coconuts :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Good communication makes relationships less turbulent, more often than not.


Aye, plus common courtesy!



whitehawk said:


> That must all be the most bizarrest thing . You know , l could not even imagine being in some emotionless thing with some women. :scratchhead:


Ey? Tis just sex


----------



## ne9907

I went out with friends to watch "Interstellar" I enjoyed it immensely. 

I read this article earlier today
Reveal How He Feels With Two Quick Text Messages

So I sent a text to Navy guy with the "I was just thinking about you"

He replied in a cute way, saying he was thinking about me too, and that he is still traveling and busy. 

Someone mentioned how they hate texting... I do too!!! I am slowly curing myself of it!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I went out with friends to watch "Interstellar" I enjoyed it immensely.
> 
> I read this article earlier today
> Reveal How He Feels With Two Quick Text Messages
> 
> So I sent a text to Navy guy with the "I was just thinking about you"
> 
> He replied in a cute way, saying he was thinking about me too, and that he is still traveling and busy.
> 
> Someone mentioned how they hate texting... I do too!!! I am slowly curing myself of it!


Omg NE...that's the exact **** test us men talk about not wanting to deal with. 
Funny smh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

No offense to Ne, but those aren't sh!t tests. That's her being insecure.


----------



## firebelly1

Yeah, I'm confused about what you want Ne. Do you like Navy guy or not? Do you want a relationship or not? Are you "working on" your self esteem or not? Have you cut off contact with Blue or not? 

Not trying to give you a hard time, and not saying you can't waffle if you want to, but it's confusing for me as a reader to hear you say you don't think you and Navy are compatible and then see that you are texting him.


----------



## Another Planet

I would have to say it is a **** test. She texted him in a cryptic way for the soul purpose of getting a response she can analyze to make a judgement about how he feels. 

Did you read the article Daddio? It's funny...

"Men can not resist wondering if a potential girlfriend is thinking about them.

He gets that “****y” look in his eye when it’s happening and it drives him crazy when he has to guess. (I know driving you crazy is a quick way to get you to feel something or anything for me but that does NOT work on most men.)"

ROFLolololololing


----------



## Another Planet

It's not manipulative at all lololol

*Don’t over use it on one guy or you’ll kill its effect.
Change it slightly to your situation. Constantly develop it and mix in flirty humor.
*Understand there are reasons beyond a man’s control which make it impossible to respond immediately.
*If you insist on texting him again before he responds, wait at least 24 hours and then text this, “I think that picture I sent you yesterday is going to get me in trouble.  “
*If you are not having fun with it you’re doing something wrong. Write to me what happened and I’ll see what I can do for you.
*Sending a sexy picture of you will get a response but depending on his age he will show it to his friends so expect that to happen. Younger men in particular.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I most certainly didn't read that "article". Anything suggesting such tactics isn't worth the read. Lol.

The parts you quoted made me cringe, to think people actually try this stuff. Could be just me, but I don't really care for "sexy pics" as I'd much rather have the sexy in my grasp for reals.

I honestly cannot stand the games. They're on par with the kids at the gym who answer the question "how many sets do you have left?" with "I dunno, 13 minutes.".


----------



## vi_bride04

So dating articles now a days are giving advice to not be yourself and play silly games to find a partner?? F* that crap.


----------



## RandomDude

Been thinking, not so sure what to make of it, but I miss FWB over the weekend =/ And it's not the sex... but her companionship... waking up with her body next to mine, her arms and legs wrapped around me keeping me warm, and her dreamy eyes when she wakes.

Which makes me wonder if I'm the one who's supposedly all hardened up yet vulnerable to emotional attachment. Have to keep reminding myself if I ever have any feelings towards FWB it's attachment only based on familiarity and sexual chemicals in my brain, nothing to do with love.

Losing FWB is becoming more and more of a rather... inconvenient possibility, and at this point of time it would pull on my heartstrings but only on a minor note - because I would miss her. *sigh* I'm still human.

If worst comes to worst I might just have to pull the plug, but hopefully both of us can keep to our boundaries.


----------



## moxy

RD, just enjoy being lovers. Nothing wrong with feeling something. No one is asking you to say the L Word.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> No offense to Ne, but those aren't sh!t tests. That's her being insecure.


You are right. I am insecure about the entire thing because I do like him a lot and he doesn't seem to like me. However, yesterday I was talking to a girlfriend of mine about people's time. We have a friend who doesn't work and expects everyone to respond to her promptly to her phone calls and texts. I realized that everyone has a life and most times we cannot respond on a timely manner. I have a semi easy job, it is demanding at times, but it gives me leisure therefore I expected people to respond to me promptly as well until I realized that not everyone's time is as open as mine.



firebelly1 said:


> Yeah, I'm confused about what you want Ne. Do you like Navy guy or not? Do you want a relationship or not? Are you "working on" your self esteem or not? Have you cut off contact with Blue or not?
> 
> Not trying to give you a hard time, and not saying you can't waffle if you want to, but it's confusing for me as a reader to hear you say you don't think you and Navy are compatible and then see that you are texting him.


Yes I do like Navy guy.
Yes, I would like a relationship.
Yes, I have cut off all contact with blue.
Yes, I am working on my self esteem. 

I understand how confusing it is, as it is confusing to me as well. It all esteems up from my insecurities. I like Navy guy a lot, and naturally, I am afraid he does not like me and is just sort of keeping me in the background so I must lie to myself and say that I do not believe we are compatible. 
I simply need to just forget about the entire thing let him tell me what he wants. I have already told him I like him and would like to see where we can take this dating. It is up to him now.




Another Planet said:


> I would have to say it is a **** test. She texted him in a cryptic way for the soul purpose of getting a response she can analyze to make a judgement about how he feels.
> 
> ROFLolololololing


I did not even realize it was a sh!t test, it felt natural. You are right, it is a test. 
I shall do not more of those!!


----------



## Another Planet

You're doing great NE, just acknowledging possible problems and realizing whats going on is a big step in the right direction


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD, just enjoy being lovers. Nothing wrong with feeling something. No one is asking you to say the L Word.


Sure sure, just it seems the longer I'm with FWB the more the emotions may start to creep in if I'm not careful. 

But meh, I'm ok now 
Just woke up in a bad way, it happens! Back to NO EMO MODE!


----------



## moxy

RD -- It's okay to enjoy emotions, too. Emotions exist in the moment. They are not the same thing as commitments or vows.

NE -- You already know that Navy guy likes you. You were the one who told him you weren't sure about it. Even then, he said that he thought there was a connection. I think you were hoping he'd pursue harder? Maybe I'm wrong, though. Was there something else about your interactions that bugged you? Don't be insecure about his interest. If you're into him, a little give and take is a good thing. He isn't blue. He isn't your ex. And, even if it doesn't work out in the long term, you can have fun for a while, right?


----------



## RandomDude

Depends on which emotions - as certain emotions may lead to either one of us wanting more... leading to, 'complications', and the end of the arrangement.
I'm ok, I just have to remind myself why me and her won't work out and shut the thoughts down whenever they arise. Easy to forget when things have been going well, stupid thoughts come up in one's brain. Bah!

Still find it ironic however that I left my ex because I felt like I was nothing but a wallet and a sausage, and now I'm still nothing but a wallet and a sausage. Only difference is that at least this time it's official. Guess I'm just not lovable! Ha! Never have been I guess, at least my cat and my daughter loves me so bleh


----------



## moxy

So, I have to explain to Tinder guy that I'm not feeling it. I decided that I am not going to go out with him. Since we've been talking a lot on the phone, I just asked him to call me later, when he texted me today. I thought it would be more decent to explain by talking than to drop that thought in a text. It's what I'd prefer. And, I didn't want to be cowardly. 

 This kinda sucks. I wanted things to work out differently, but...


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* come to think of it, maybe my ex was probably the only woman who ever did... I just failed to handle her, if only I could turn back time from the very beginning, fall in love all over and start over with what I know now, we would never end up having to bring up our daughter in a broken home.

As much as I'm over her, she has never once told me she didn't love me, and was a responsible (towards the end) and loyal wife. I used to blame her church for what she became in later years but in the end it was me all along. 

Too late now though, *sigh*, in the end I guess I already lost my one and only shot at having a loving family of my own. Bah! Why am I so depressed today?!


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> So, I have to explain to Tinder guy that I'm not feeling it. I decided that I am not going to go out with him. Since we've been talking a lot on the phone, I just asked him to call me later, when he texted me today. I thought it would be more decent to explain by talking than to drop that thought in a text. It's what I'd prefer. And, I didn't want to be cowardly.
> 
> This kinda sucks. I wanted things to work out differently, but...


Tis the best way, and the majority of people avoid this approach as it's considered 'confrontational' to actually TALK to someone on the phone these days! Meh, people suck.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* come to think of it, maybe my ex was probably the only woman who ever did... I just failed to handle her, if only I could turn back time from the very beginning, fall in love all over and start over with what I know now, we would never end up having to bring up our daughter in a broken home.
> 
> As much as I'm over her, she has never once told me she didn't love me, and was a responsible (towards the end) and loyal wife. I used to blame her church for what she became in later years but in the end it was me all along.
> 
> Too late now though, *sigh*, in the end I guess I already lost my one and only shot at having a loving family of my own. Bah! Why am I so depressed today?!


Must be why so many split this time of yr rd , l'm depressed to.
l think the church does ruin many marriages and people , but only through their so called followers mishandling and misunderstanding what they are suppose to be about , doing the wrecking .

Why don't you call ex a little bit , feel her out , um , so to speak . Touch base with her just little by little, see where she's at.
Maybe there's a chance now of working through whatever the crap and misunderstandings were bc you said awhile back she hasn't moved on yet.

Just sayin , dunno all the details so just speaking purely from the surface really from how it sounds.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Tis the best way, and the majority of people avoid this approach as it's considered 'confrontational' to actually TALK to someone on the phone these days! Meh, people suck.



So true. But, if I want people to treat me respectfully, I've gotta do the same, even if if it feels awkward. 

I liked him, until I saw some comments he made on provocative selfies posted by women on a social media site. Ugh. It turned me right off. I'm not surprised that's he's talking to others (or even bothered by the idea), but seeing it makes me feel gross and unsettles me. It made me feel the opposite of special. I'll do damn near anything for a man who makes me feel like a goddess, but a man who makes me feel cheap (even inadvertently) gets nothing from me but my sadness. So...I have to explain that while I felt like we had a nice emotional connection, I was turned off by what I saw and therefore do not want to go out, anymore. It's too bad.


----------



## firebelly1

Good job on speaking the uncomfortable truth Moxy.


----------



## whitehawk

Just sayin to rd , must be the time of yr or something in the air . Although , it was a full moon again , who knows , magnetic fields and all that , sucking the life out of us .
But then again , with the stuff l've been trying to work through here with you guys and in my head about my sitch with T, no wonder l suppose but, feel like [email protected]

And then my d was pretty distant on the wkend , that always sends me into a tail spin to, sadness about everything that's happened and the way she has to live now , her family .

Then ex turns up to pick her up last night , stayed awhile and we talked [email protected] .That always sends me into a bit of a tail spin to , so many mixed emotions around ex lately but , trying to keep things as good as poss' for our d and parenting to. Which really does pay off to l might add.
Weird though , if l allow it we still basically talk and get along the way we always have and on that angle , l wish we were still a family , especially for my d.
And l also miss everything as far as how we lived and got along , had each others back. With ex and me , up until our last 2yrs or so ,at the end of the day there was always someone in your corner and you always subconsciously felt that in the back of your mind , especially when something was turning to [email protected] . One call and either of us would be there to help fix whatever it was. l miss having that.
T can never get away at times like that and l can never just go and be there , help or whatever either because there's still the kids to think about .
Soooo , there's all those angles with ex and our use to be life .
But you know what , my God you can't even recognize her . She's aged so much. L've gone back 10 yrs so people tell me and l must admit , l am looking pretty damn good lately :rofl:
But ex , she's packed on the weight , her health is down the toilet , her skin looks crap and she's louder now , her voice vibrates the room sometimes, very weird .There's been times when l've seen her walking in the gate out front or something and l've actually thought hmm , who's this . No [email protected] , l couldn't tell it was her.
The one biggest thing about ex though , that l know is still in there , is that normally , before she got all messed up , you will never find a better friend /wife. She'd climb a mountain or go through a brick wall if she has to and she did many times , to be there in your corner or help her partner . That's just the special way she rolls . That's a hard thing to forget , even if it did abandon her for a few years there . 
So, l guess , all these feelings are more about things like that and the family, the life these days , rather than any attraction .It's all very very bizarre and a very hard thing to process and get placed into all the right boxes .

But then there's T and her gorgeous bod , hair , looks . And this incredible speaking tone that still mesmerizes me into some kind of peaceful trance .
So calm , cool , even with the often chaotic things going on all around her that is , the life of T . 
She doesn't have that way on the phone , which is kinda weird , it's only in person .

Tis , to pinch rd's word, a very confusing web we weave isn't it people :scratchhead:.

So there ya go ne , rd , and everyone else that thinks their a mess , just spend a day or two in my head and you'll feel much better :rofl:


----------



## whitehawk

l often get these middle of the day or night or anytime text from T , she'll just say, hey M , call if you want. 
l love the way she does that.
In T terms that means , will you please fkg call me , l miss you. But she'll never say it like that.

Always makes me laugh.


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> Must be why so many split this time of yr rd , l'm depressed to.
> l think the church does ruin many marriages and people , but only through their so called followers mishandling and misunderstanding what they are suppose to be about , doing the wrecking .
> 
> Why don't you call ex a little bit , feel her out , um , so to speak . Touch base with her just little by little, see where she's at.
> Maybe there's a chance now of working through whatever the crap and misunderstandings were bc you said awhile back she hasn't moved on yet.
> 
> Just sayin , dunno all the details so just speaking purely from the surface really from how it sounds.


I see my ex every weekend, we just no longer talk unless it's about our daughter. Emotions are dead in that department, and she deserves someone who actually loves her too. Besides we've put each other through enough pain and even though it's healed some scars remain enough to remind us to stay away.

If I was to work things out with her - I would have to fall in love with her all over again, attempting to ignore the scars and avoiding the triggers of our past dynamics. It would be tough. And as for her not moving on, I doubt it's because of any feelings left for me (sure she never told me that she no longer loves me while we were living together but there's been enough time now to assume she doesn't), not to mention we've been going about our business for so long without even talking to each other much.

So... to conclude; ex is a no go, dating is a no go either as everyone I've met thus far seems to suck compared to her (and it sucks that she was a fairly competent wife - hence setting the bar and deal-breakers). Which makes me curious somewhat why ex hasn't found anyone yet who would FINALLY encourage her to sign her half of the divorce forms!

At this point of time, I would buy that man a beer for helping me along with my divorce! Also she's actively dating, back in shape, in her early thirties, and still attractive - what others also consider beautiful. Considering the amount of men who approached her whenever they thought she was alone while we were married also makes her marital status rather strange.

Regardless she's probably just having my problem; inability to find a decent match, and I'm sure her standards has been raised since seperation. If I recall correctly too, she had alot of problems before she met me due to men being unable to accept her past. This is now in addition to her being a single mum. However, I doubt she's dropping all the bombs at once.



moxy said:


> So true. But, if I want people to treat me respectfully, I've gotta do the same, even if if it feels awkward.
> 
> I liked him, until I saw some comments he made on provocative selfies posted by women on a social media site. Ugh. It turned me right off. I'm not surprised that's he's talking to others (or even bothered by the idea), but seeing it makes me feel gross and unsettles me. It made me feel the opposite of special. I'll do damn near anything for a man who makes me feel like a goddess, but a man who makes me feel cheap (even inadvertently) gets nothing from me but my sadness. So...I have to explain that while I felt like we had a nice emotional connection, I was turned off by what I saw and therefore do not want to go out, anymore. It's too bad.


Hmmm, I can guess, but I'd like to ask, what sort of comments did he make? I'm assuming the worst, but I'm curious


----------



## RandomDude

Also... maybe my ex actually has many men wrapped around her finger and who wouldn't question her marital status while continuing to irritate me by refusing to sign. Who knows... bah!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> You are right. I am insecure about the entire thing because I do like him a lot and he doesn't seem to like me.


:scratchhead:

It's time to walk, why aren't you walking? 

You've invested into someone that doesn't feel the same way, keeping this up will only lead to more insecurity and depression.



> I did not even realize it was a sh!t test, it felt natural. You are right, it is a test.
> I shall do not more of those!!


Ey? I found the 'test' rather natural, and normal thing for people to do, and relatively harmless, more like probing/testing waters.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> RD -- It's okay to enjoy emotions, too. Emotions exist in the moment. They are not the same thing as commitments or vows.
> 
> NE -- You already know that Navy guy likes you. You were the one who told him you weren't sure about it. Even then, he said that he thought there was a connection. I think you were hoping he'd pursue harder? Maybe I'm wrong, though. Was there something else about your interactions that bugged you? Don't be insecure about his interest. If you're into him, a little give and take is a good thing. He isn't blue. He isn't your ex. And, even if it doesn't work out in the long term, you can have fun for a while, right?


You are right, I want more pursuing on his part. I must get it into my head that it is very early in our dating, he is busy, and he is probably playing the field as well. He has been divorced since May. 
BTW, I totally agree with on a man posting provocative comments or likes every girl's post on social media, it too turns me off. Irish guy does that a lot, main reason I lost interest in him. 



whitehawk said:


> Must be why so many split this time of yr rd , l'm depressed to.
> .



A lot of people get depressed during the Holidays. I get bouts of depression from time to time, it is human nature. I actually distrust people who are so fvcking happy all the time!! I think they are spies 



RandomDude said:


> Depends on which emotions - as certain emotions may lead to either one of us wanting more... leading to, 'complications', and the end of the arrangement.


EMotions are fine. Nothing last forever. Enjoy those feelings


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## vi_bride04

WH, it sounds like you really aren't over your marriage or ex yet. That really isn't fair to anyone you date and could be why you not feeling it for T.


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## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> It's time to walk, why aren't you walking?
> 
> You've invested into someone that doesn't feel the same way, keeping this up will only lead to more insecurity and depression.
> 
> 
> 
> Ey? I found the 'test' rather natural, and normal thing for people to do, and relatively harmless, more like probing/testing waters.


I am not walking because I like him. I am actually convince I am going to walk away pretty soon. I want more, always want more, all the time. My gut feeling tells me he likes me but he is also playing the field, and is not that into me. He might just be acting the "nice guy" 
Weird thing with our gut feeling.


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## RandomDude

Tempting but no  I know what it leads to!

Next thing you know I'll be whistling the lovey dovey tunes -> not going to happen. Keeping emotions in check is like keeping a dam on a river, you let a leak breakthrough and the whole dam is threatened.

I like to avoid disaster


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## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Emotions are dead in that department, and she deserves someone who actually loves her too. Besides we've put each other through enough pain and even though it's healed some scars remain enough to remind us to stay away.)


Good logic. There's a reason things are in the past. If you don't resolve those old problems, your repeat the patterns to which they're linked. You have a good thing with your FWB. You're getting over your wife. Stay logical.





RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, I can guess, but I'd like to ask, what sort of comments did he make? I'm assuming the worst, but I'm curious



To be fair, his comments were not gross or pervy, but...he was commenting on photos of girls who were basically showing off their boobs and he was being flirty about it. Seeing it made me uncomfortable, more so than intellectually understanding that he may well be doing those things. It made me feel like I was not special. It made me feel unimportant. Plus, the women were a bit icky. If that's his taste, then I don't want to be in that company. At least I found Guy's various exes hot; I considered myself in good company in that bunch. Ugh. My logic is ridiculous. I think I'm just not really ready to be with anyone. It's probably my own issue. I was just...turned off by it. Maybe it's insecurity or some other issue. I do know that Guy treated me like I was the only woman in the world, when we got together. I felt special. That's what I want in a date or whatever.


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## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Also... maybe my ex actually has many men wrapped around her finger and who wouldn't question her marital status while continuing to irritate me by refusing to sign. Who knows... bah!



Fair enough rd , maybe it's all for the best somehow .
Mate , l think that standard is a good thing , really. l mean we're not stupid , we realize it won't be the same person , package . but we can still use that bar l say.
For me , if T or anyone else doesn't have those characteristics ex had that meant so much , there'll be no anyone else. That will always be my bar now and T is also pretty amazing like that.
She can have all this [email protected] going on , enough for 3 people , yet all l have to do is even just hint at something , and she's there.
l don't even know how she can be like that with all the stuff she has going on and the seriousness of some of it , but she is.
And to watch sometimes , what she'll be going through yet her kids and now me are number one. No matter what else is happening, it's just dropped , then and there and she's just there for them , me . 
l admire the hell out of those qualities .
And it's both ways , l'm the same with her and have been may times already , just like she has. lt's almost an ex thing yet so soon.

So , that's one of my bars from ex and why not .


----------



## whitehawk

vi_bride04 said:


> WH, it sounds like you really aren't over your marriage or ex yet. That really isn't fair to anyone you date and could be why you not feeling it for T.


Thanks vi. Trouble is l am feeling it for T , extremely so . lt's just that her lifes a mess , like a real mess . 
But we talk about everything all the time and her stuff too . We do both have a very full bag of past crap to deal with yet . Hers is extra full :rofl: . 
And oh yeah , my d just does not like her and l doubt she ever will.

Ex , yeah l come and go . l think it's much more about the things l was saying though than the package that is the ex these days.
l dunno , still having trouble putting all the peaces together.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Good logic. There's a reason things are in the past. If you don't resolve those old problems, your repeat the patterns to which they're linked. You have a good thing with your FWB. You're getting over your wife. Stay logical.


Aye, and even with the means to resolve such issues, there's only so much a relationship can take, and we've both been through enough. We gave it one hell of a shot however, admist racial, class and religious issues to add to the whole mix. It was worth it in the end for my daughter as well as the experience.



> To be fair, his comments were not gross or pervy, but...he was commenting on photos of girls who were basically showing off their boobs and he was being flirty about it. Seeing it made me uncomfortable, more so than intellectually understanding that he may well be doing those things. It made me feel like I was not special. It made me feel unimportant. Plus, the women were a bit icky. If that's his taste, then I don't want to be in that company.* At least I found Guy's various exes hot; I considered myself in good company in that bunch.* Ugh. My logic is ridiculous. I think I'm just not really ready to be with anyone. It's probably my own issue. I was just...turned off by it. Maybe it's insecurity or some other issue. I do know that Guy treated me like I was the only woman in the world, when we got together. I felt special. That's what I want in a date or whatever.


=|

... and this is the part where my male mind, fails to understand the female mind.

You're bothered by his taste in women even though he's already interested in you? :scratchhead:
Like hell, being a minority in my country many times I'm the first of my "kind" that my dates have gone out with. Can't imagine going up to them and saying "I don't like your taste in men!" (exaggeration) based on their exs

Heh, but tis just me



whitehawk said:


> Fair enough rd , maybe it's all for the best somehow .
> Mate , l think that standard is a good thing , really. l mean we're not stupid , we realize it won't be the same person , package . but we can still use that bar l say.
> For me , if T or anyone else doesn't have those characteristics ex had that meant so much , there'll be no anyone else. That will always be my bar now and T is also pretty amazing like that.
> She can have all this [email protected] going on , enough for 3 people , yet all l have to do is even just hint at something , and she's there.
> l don't even know how she can be like that with all the stuff she has going on and the seriousness of some of it , but she is.
> And to watch sometimes , what she'll be going through yet her kids and now me are number one. No matter what else is happening, it's just dropped , then and there and she's just there for them , me .
> l admire the hell out of those qualities .
> And it's both ways , l'm the same with her and have been may times already , just like she has. lt's almost an ex thing yet so soon.
> 
> So , that's one of my bars from ex and why not .


Sure the bar has its pluses but it's an inconvenient necessity  BAH!


----------



## Another Planet

Bars and pedestals?! WTF guys...everyone is different and you need to appreciate them for who they are not hold a candle to another person in the past. If you are entering into a new relationship thinking that then no one will ever compare so whats the point? 
Seriously...smh


----------



## moxy

I know. My rationale is weak. Apparently, I'm not feeling it for whatever reason and latching onto excuses to justify my feelings.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> My logic is ridiculous. I think I'm just not really ready to be with anyone. It's probably my own issue. I was just...turned off by it. Maybe it's insecurity or some other issue. I do know that Guy treated me like I was the only woman in the world, when we got together. I felt special. That's what I want in a date or whatever.


Your logic is not ridiculous. If that is what you are waiting for, do not settle for less. But you might be passing out on something great. I am going to tell you what you recently told me, new Tinder guy is not Guy. 
From my perspective, blue always treated me like I was the only woman in the world (when we were together), every single time we were out he would only have eyes for me (ex husband's eyes would focus on every woman except me). 
I think your decision is sound, if you are not feeling it in your gut, why continue right?



Another Planet said:


> Bars and pedestals?! WTF guys...everyone is different and *you need to appreciate them for who they are not hold a candle to another person in the past*. If you are entering into a new relationship thinking that then no one will ever compare so whats the point?
> Seriously...smh


:iagree:
Ex used to tell me that none of his ex's could hold a handle to me. It made me feel special, until I realized that he did not love me but rather the idea of my looks, accent, and me. Not the real me. 



moxy said:


> I know. My rationale is weak. Apparently, I'm not feeling it for whatever reason and latching onto excuses to justify my feelings.


It is not weak. Nothing you feel is weak. It is yours alone. Do not apologize for your feelings.


----------



## whitehawk

Another Planet said:


> Bars and pedestals?! WTF guys...everyone is different and you need to appreciate them for who they are not hold a candle to another person in the past. If you are entering into a new relationship thinking that then no one will ever compare so whats the point?
> Seriously...smh



let me put it this way. l know what your saying but nope, a mile off AP. l'm afraid your missing the fine print. Ex certainly isn't on any pedestal of mine, l don't mean it in that way at all and l did say that. 
But there were qualities and that's stuff l've always gone for anyway, even before ex and l still do now. 
T's also got many of the things l love but eh , no one mentioned any pedestals, candles or what your saying . There's a hell of a difference .


----------



## whitehawk

You look for what ever qualities you like people well l do and l always have , it's just common sense . 
The variation of those qualities come in many shapes and forms , mixes personalities.
Your the type of person you are and you respect the type of whatever stuff it is you respect in other people. Well it's no different in the partner you choose .
Even AP has said many times he believes in certain things so strongly, so don't you look for certain qualities, ideals in anyone you date ?
ps .A person can be whatever they are yet also still have amongst it characteristics and ideals that you just love and share , that's just having things in common in my book .


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> I know. My rationale is weak. Apparently, I'm not feeling it for whatever reason and latching onto excuses to justify my feelings.


Afraid so mox , you've been doing it for a long time .
You and ne both , really just need to step back , close up shop for awhile and just live and let be while things take their next form and you find your feet again , you .
Do a vi for awhile


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## whitehawk

Sure the bar has its pluses but it's an inconvenient necessity :mad: BAH![/QUOTE said:


> Haha , exactly .


----------



## moxy

whitehawk said:


> Afraid so mox , you've been doing it for a long time .
> You and ne both , really just need to step back , close up shop for awhile and just live and let be while things take their next form and you find your feet again , you .
> Do a vi for awhile



Hold up, there. 

NE's issues are hers; mine are mine. No need to conflate them. 

I've been pretty consistent with my thoughts, for the most part. I reason out my feelings until I figure out what's unsettling me. So, while I can recognize that in this instance, my reasoning indicates some other issue at play that I haven't recognized -- which is why I've judged my logic to be weak in this instance -- there is no real reason to claim that I've been doing it for a long time. I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. 

Stepping back isn't always a solution. I spend most of my time (and in general, most of my life) on work and "me" things and stepping back to the sidelines of life. I also spent two and a half years after splitting with ex-h alone in order to figure myself out. It's much harder, for me, to take a chance at a human connection. So, this behavior is the result of challenging myself to break old patterns, not just attach myself to a guy to avoid being me. I'm comfortable being me. I'm less comfortable being involved with someone.

Have I been uncomfortable with human connection for a while now? Yes. Does that mean I should automatically retreat from it? I don't think so.


----------



## whitehawk

moxy said:


> Hold up, there.
> 
> NE's issues are hers; mine are mine. No need to conflate them.
> 
> I've been pretty consistent with my thoughts, for the most part. I reason out my feelings until I figure out what's unsettling me. So, while I can recognize that in this instance, my reasoning indicates some other issue at play that I haven't recognized -- which is why I've judged my logic to be weak in this instance -- there is no real reason to claim that I've been doing it for a long time. I'm not quite sure what you mean by that.
> 
> Stepping back isn't always a solution. I spend most of my time (and in general, most of my life) on work and "me" things and stepping back to the sidelines of life. I also spent two and a half years after splitting with ex-h alone in order to figure myself out. It's much harder, for me, to take a chance at a human connection. So, this behavior is the result of challenging myself to break old patterns, not just attach myself to a guy to avoid being me. I'm comfortable being me. I'm less comfortable being involved with someone.
> 
> Have I been uncomfortable with human connection for a while now? Yes. Does that mean I should automatically retreat from it? I don't think so.


Yeah l know of course your both different sitches but you are both all over the place to and well personally, l just think you do need to just step back but hey your party, it's only a suggestion. l don't mean from life , life is good, only men.


----------



## movealong

I am feeling good today. HS and I had a long talk yesterday about all kinds of things, including long term goals, finances, marriage(s), sex, and vacations. We're both in a good place financially, neither of us are in a hurry to get to the altar and say "I do", We both want to travel (she is a British citizen), and both of us are very compatible with high sex drives.

The other good thing is that neither of us are ready to give up our own place "just to move in together". She also is very aware, and very secure about, the fact that my daughter is my priority. We're both busy people, but we are making as much time as possible to grow together. My daughter and I spent Saturday and Sunday with her and they got along great. It helps that my daughter is very mature for her age and has already been advocating for me to meet someone. 

But I really think the best thing about this relationship is just this: neither one of us needs the other - we don't need the other person to feel complete or fulfill a need other than companionship. It is a mentally and emotionally mature relationship, and that is very cool.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I know. My rationale is weak. Apparently, I'm not feeling it for whatever reason and latching onto excuses to justify my feelings.


You dont need excuses, Mox, it is what it is. If you arent feeling it, then you dont need any justification.


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> So, I have to explain to Tinder guy that I'm not feeling it. I decided that I am not going to go out with him. Since we've been talking a lot on the phone, I just asked him to call me later, when he texted me today. I thought it would be more decent to explain by talking than to drop that thought in a text. It's what I'd prefer. And, I didn't want to be cowardly.
> 
> This kinda sucks. I wanted things to work out differently, but...


Personally I'd rather get a text for the brush off. Less awkward/humiliating. But that's just me.


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> Tis the best way, and the majority of people avoid this approach as it's considered 'confrontational' to actually TALK to someone on the phone these days! Meh, people suck.


I don't think it's confrontational - it would just put more pressure and embarrassment on me (the dumpee) to have to have a conversation after being told they're not interested. Again, just my preference. 

I was dumped by one woman since I started dating. She texted me "can we get together and talk?". I knew it was over and just replied "No need, I know what this is about. Nice knowing you and take care". In person would've been _really_ uncomfortable for me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I don't think it's confrontational - it would just put more pressure and embarrassment on me (the dumpee) to have to have a conversation after being told they're not interested. Again, just my preference.
> 
> I was dumped by one woman since I started dating. She texted me "can we get together and talk?". I knew it was over and just replied "No need, I know what this is about. Nice knowing you and take care". In person would've been _really_ uncomfortable for me.


If I'm going to get dumped, I WANT them to have to go through the uncomfortable process of having that conversation, just because I know it's uncomfortable for them. And if we've been seeing each other for a while, I deserve a conversation. A text of ghosting is the coward's way out.

As far as Moxy and Tinder Guy are concerned, they've been talking a bit, and they've been on one or two dates? Text would be totally find in that instance, I think.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> If I'm going to get dumped, I WANT them to have to go through the uncomfortable process of having that conversation, just because I know it's uncomfortable for them. And if we've been seeing each other for a while, I deserve a conversation. A text of ghosting is the coward's way out.
> 
> As far as Moxy and Tinder Guy are concerned, they've been talking a bit, and they've been on one or two dates? Text would be totally find in that instance, I think.


I dont think they have actually been out yet?


----------



## Healer

Totally OT, but my ex came by to get the kids last night, and along with her new full-sleeve tattoos, she also got all 4 fingers - upper and lower knuckles, tat'd with hearts, anchors and letters (I only saw the one hand, so not sure if it's both). All class.

My kids don't talk to me about her, but they told my mom they despise the tats. I'm sure she'll never regret that.


----------



## ne9907

whitehawk said:


> Afraid so mox , you've been doing it for a long time .
> You and *ne* both , really just need to step back , close up shop for awhile and just live and let be while things take their next form and you find your feet again , you .
> Do a vi for awhile


I simply cannot close down shop; it is full of candy!!!


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Totally OT, but my ex came by to get the kids last night, and along with her new full-sleeve tattoos, she also got all 4 fingers - upper and lower knuckles, tat'd with hearts, anchors and letters (I only saw the one hand, so not sure if it's both). All class.
> 
> My kids don't talk to me about her, but they told my mom they despise the tats. I'm sure she'll never regret that.


After I kicked my exWife out she had her belly button and tongue pierced within a month 
You are 30! Grow the fvck up, you are never going to be 20 again geezus take care of your damn kids...Yeah you wasted the last 10yrs of my life away also but you don't see me doing shiat like that.
Honestly what they are doesn't bother me one bit I like tattoos and piercings it was the reason and meaning behind them that does.


----------



## firebelly1

moxy said:


> I know. My rationale is weak. Apparently, I'm not feeling it for whatever reason and latching onto excuses to justify my feelings.


I don't think your rationale is weak. There is something visceral about witnessing the guy you are interested in paying attention to other women.


----------



## firebelly1

I think I've decided that I would like to get married again. I want to share a home and a life with someone. Probably sign a pre-nup this time, but nice to know my hope button hasn't been completely broken.


----------



## Hoosier

Our county has a website for the Treasurers office. You can search by name, address, find out a lot of information (for me it is square footage of buildings, in order to insure it) on that location. 3 years ago or so, they added a photo of each home as well. I use it a lot in my business as an insurance agent.
Friday, I was on the site for a client and decided to look at my home to see what was all on there. Looked it over, then clicked on the photo to enlarge. There in the driveway was parked the OM's vehicle! LOL! I thought it was funny! I think I am getting better.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Totally OT, but my ex came by to get the kids last night, and along with her new full-sleeve tattoos, she also got all 4 fingers - upper and lower knuckles, tat'd with hearts, anchors and letters (I only saw the one hand, so not sure if it's both). All class.
> 
> My kids don't talk to me about her, but they told my mom they despise the tats. I'm sure she'll never regret that.


Nothing is OT on this thread, Healer. That's the great thing about Singles of TAM.

On one hand, I'm thinking, wow, nice! (read: sarcasm)

On the other hand, maybe now she feels she has the freedom to be her true self, which includes a ton of tattoos. 

(And I've known some great people who have a ton of tattoos. I'm not judging people with tatts. Though the knuckle tatts totally scream prison *****, but whatever.)

Did she have tattoos before, or is this a new thing?


----------



## Healer

Another Planet said:


> After I kicked my exWife out she had her belly button and tongue pierced within a month
> You are 30! Grow the fvck up, you are never going to be 20 again geezus take care of your damn kids...Yeah you wasted the last 10yrs of my life away also but you don't see me doing shiat like that.
> Honestly what they are doesn't bother me one bit I like tattoos and piercings it was the reason and meaning behind them that does.


My ex is 37. Once she is too old for the bar industry (any day now!), those knuckle tats are going to make it hard for her to find work.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I think I've decided that I would like to get married again. I want to share a home and a life with someone. Probably sign a pre-nup this time, but nice to know my hope button hasn't been completely broken.


Good on you. I hope to find that hope again some day.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Nothing is OT on this thread, Healer. That's the great thing about Singles of TAM.
> 
> On one hand, I'm thinking, wow, nice! (read: sarcasm)
> 
> On the other hand, maybe now she feels she has the freedom to be her true self, which includes a ton of tattoos.
> 
> (And I've known some great people who have a ton of tattoos. I'm not judging people with tatts. Though the knuckle tatts totally scream prison *****, but whatever.)
> 
> Did she have tattoos before, or is this a new thing?


Right, this thread is a free for all! That's exactly what it is. She's always had tats and always wanted to get ones I tried to talk her out of. Now she can go crazy. She's since gotten sleeves, neck tats, wrist tats and now the knuckles. Yup - she looks like a full on prison *****.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> My ex is 37. Once she is too old for the bar industry (any day now!), those knuckle tats are going to make it hard for her to find work.


One is NEVER too old for the bar industry. I've known bartenders in their mid-sixties. The only thing that changes is the type of establishment they work in.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> One is NEVER too old for the bar industry. I've known bartenders in their mid-sixties. The only thing that changes is the type of establishment they work in.


Well that's good to know, because I need her working! I already pay $1220 a month in child support (even though I have my kids Wed-Sun).


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Healer said:


> Well that's good to know, because I need her working! I already pay $1220 a month in child support (even though I have my kids Wed-Sun).


Damn.


----------



## firebelly1

Canadian divorce laws are brutal or extremely generous depending on your perspective.

FWB said that he and his last live-in girlfriend had a "cohabitation" agreement. In Canada you are considered to be in a "common law" marriage after you have cohabitated for 6 months and your common law partner is entitled to the same things a married partner would be should you split up. (That's how this displaced American understands it.) But you can devise a cohabitation agreement that is a legally binding document. Just has to be notarized not even filed with a court.


----------



## RandomDude

Committing financial suicide 101: Marry someone in Canada!


----------



## Another Planet

Bahahahahahahahahahahaha
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

One in five single men would rather have an iPhone 6 than a girlfriend | Metro News

Actually I wonder what the women poll would be? I bet even higher. It does seem our society is going the way of "Her" the movie. Like Bandit was saying they seem to be glued to that damn thing.


----------



## bandit.45

I don't like tats on women. I really dont. 

I am indeed a Neanderthal.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> I don't like tats on women. I really dont.
> 
> I am indeed a Neanderthal.



I almost read that all wrong (reading without glasses) and saw t*ts (could not make out the * at first) and thought, what?  ok, tats, makes sense,


----------



## 06Daddio08

The divorce process in Canada has been a slow one.


----------



## Healer

06Daddio08 said:


> Damn.


Yup. All that money goes to tattoos. Seriously, she's probably got $2000 worth in the past couple months (full sleeve, neck tats and now knuckle tats).


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Canadian divorce laws are brutal or extremely generous depending on your perspective.
> 
> FWB said that he and his last live-in girlfriend had a "cohabitation" agreement. In Canada you are considered to be in a "common law" marriage after you have cohabitated for 6 months and your common law partner is entitled to the same things a married partner would be should you split up. (That's how this displaced American understands it.) But you can devise a cohabitation agreement that is a legally binding document. Just has to be notarized not even filed with a court.


Personally I think that 6 month thing is insanity. All of it makes me so weary about cohabitation. And asking someone to sign a doc before hand - man. That's got to kill a lot of relationships right there.


----------



## Healer

bandit.45 said:


> I don't like tats on women. I really dont.
> 
> I am indeed a Neanderthal.


I haven't dated one woman with tats since my marriage ended (well, not beyond 1 date, anyway). I don't like them either. No offence to tat'd women- just not by bag anymore. The ex had terrible tats to begin with. The Chinese symbol tramp stamp that probably means "Chinese symbol" in Chinese.


----------



## Healer

06Daddio08 said:


> The divorce process in Canada has been a slow one.


You have to wait the year from separation to even file. Then it's just slow. Mine took 2 years less a month from Dday. But OMG - when it comes through, it's like Christmas morning when you're 8 years old.


----------



## whitehawk

Healer said:


> Totally OT, but my ex came by to get the kids last night, and along with her new full-sleeve tattoos, she also got all 4 fingers - upper and lower knuckles, tat'd with hearts, anchors and letters (I only saw the one hand, so not sure if it's both). All class.
> 
> My kids don't talk to me about her, but they told my mom they despise the tats. I'm sure she'll never regret that.



She's MLC'ing to the max by the sounds. But then you've probably been way over all that and know it all far too well already yeah .
They are full on tatts , not surprised with the kids. Must have been a shock for them to see mum turn into that.


----------



## whitehawk

ne9907 said:


> I simply cannot close down shop; it is full of candy!!!


:rofl: . l know what you mean


----------



## Healer

whitehawk said:


> She's MLC'ing to the max by the sounds. But then you've probably been way over all that and know it all far too well already yeah .
> They are full on tatts , not surprised with the kids. Must have been a shock for them to see mum turn into that.


Yeah, MLC'ing AND embracing her true self - which is full on trailer trash. She used to have a modicum of self respect and class, but that has been thrown out the window ever since she hooked up with her drug dealing AP back in 2012. She did me a favor by having the affair. I am free from her now.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well that's good to know, because I need her working! I already pay $1220 a month in child support (even though I have my kids Wed-Sun).


Yeah, but as her hotness fades, she may end up working in increasingly divey places, where the tips aren't as good :/



Healer said:


> Personally I think that 6 month thing is insanity. All of it makes me so weary about cohabitation. And asking someone to sign a doc before hand - man. That's got to kill a lot of relationships right there.


I was going to say, makes you think long and hard before moving in with someone... that in and of itself would be the only deterrent I would need. A lot of people just shack up willy-nilly, and then end up getting married because they think it's the next logical step. I don't think I would have married my XH if we hadn't already been living together.

People say it prepares you for marriage, and I can see that being the case if you're engaged to be married and then you make the choice to move in before the wedding. But we moved in together too fast... I thought he was making a statement about the future of our relationship, when it was really about money and the fact that he didn't want to have to find a roommate. 

So... no more co-habitation for me, unless he puts a ring on it first!


----------



## FeministInPink

OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?

I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it. When I was growing up, no one ever told me that I was pretty because they (my parents, whoever) wanted to focus on developing my brain and talents and whatever? So, for a while, I never knew how to respond when someone might say this to me, but now I know to say thank you and move on.

Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.

So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)? 

Thoughts?

(Side note: genuine question. Not fishing for compliments or seeking reassurance regarding my attractiveness.)


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?
> 
> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it. When I was growing up, no one ever told me that I was pretty because they (my parents, whoever) wanted to focus on developing my brain and talents and whatever? So, for a while, I never knew how to respond when someone might say this to me, but now I know to say thank you and move on.
> 
> Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.
> 
> So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)?
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> (Side note: genuine question. Not fishing for compliments or seeking reassurance regarding my attractiveness.)


I've learned not to express it because I think women hear it all the time and mostly they think it's cliche, or not genuine, or unoriginal, blah blah. I'd love to tell a woman that, because chances are, if I'm hitting her up on a dating site, I find her beautiful, pretty, what have you. But I think for most women, they hear it so often, and it just seems like a ploy to get into their pants. Like you say - it makes you skeptical.

It's too bad, because I'd love to be able to tell a woman I think she's beautiful without being judged as unoriginal, or cliche, or having some ultimatum. It's confusing. But I never say it anymore, out of fear of turning the woman off.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I've learned not to express it because I think women hear it all the time and mostly they think it's cliche, or not genuine, or unoriginal, blah blah. I'd love to tell a woman that, because chances are, if I'm hitting her up on a dating site, I find her beautiful, pretty, what have you. But I think for most women, they hear it so often, and it just seems like a ploy to get into their pants. Like you say - it makes you skeptical.
> 
> It's too bad, because I'd love to be able to tell a woman I think she's beautiful without being judged as unoriginal, or cliche, or having some ultimatum. It's confusing. But I never say it anymore, out of fear of turning the woman off.


Thanks for the input. Makes total sense.

Don't get me wrong, I like hearing it--because it's something I don't hear a lot (recent events notwithstanding). In your case, Healer, I think it's OK to tell a woman she's beautiful, after you've established that your interest is more than just skin-deep. And you could preface it with, "I don't want you to think that I'm unoriginal or cliche, but I think you're beautiful and I wanted to tell you."

In fact, if you're in a relationship, I think it's important for her to hear that from her man on a regular basis. Women want to know that their man finds them attractive.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?
> 
> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it. When I was growing up, no one ever told me that I was pretty because they (my parents, whoever) wanted to focus on developing my brain and talents and whatever? So, for a while, I never knew how to respond when someone might say this to me, but now I know to say thank you and move on.
> 
> Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.
> 
> So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)?
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> (Side note: genuine question. Not fishing for compliments or seeking reassurance regarding my attractiveness.)


Can't give you an answer without data. Post a pic on your page.


----------



## firebelly1

bandit.45 said:


> I don't like tats on women. I really dont.
> 
> I am indeed a Neanderthal.


I love tattoos on a man. And there are some women that I just think look so badass with tattoos and I wish I had the cajones. But, no tattoos here. Just could never think of any image that I would want on my body forever and be willing to let sag. Because it will eventually.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?
> 
> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it. When I was growing up, no one ever told me that I was pretty because they (my parents, whoever) wanted to focus on developing my brain and talents and whatever? So, for a while, I never knew how to respond when someone might say this to me, but now I know to say thank you and move on.
> 
> Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.
> 
> So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)?
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> (Side note: genuine question. Not fishing for compliments or seeking reassurance regarding my attractiveness.)


I have wondered the same thing. Especially if it's the first thing they say - pretty sure he's a pants man. But I also love hearing it and you are right - in a relationship I want to keep hearing it. I want to know I'm still attractive to my man. After year 2 of my marriage my husband stopped noticing me and it killed me. I could do naked cartwheels - nothing.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Can't give you an answer without data. Post a pic on your page.


Bandit, there's an album of pics on my profile page. Has the exact same pics that are on my Tinder acct.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I have wondered the same thing. Especially if it's the first thing they say - pretty sure he's a pants man. But I also love hearing it and you are right - in a relationship I want to keep hearing it. I want to know I'm still attractive to my man. After year 2 of my marriage my husband stopped noticing me and it killed me. I could do naked cartwheels - nothing.


Same here. Though I think with my XH it started on our honeymoon.


----------



## Baseballmom6

Although today was a good day, it is days like today that make me sad that I am divorced and single.

I received my annual review today and it was stellar. One of the people I started working for this year gave me a perfect review. He has a reputation of being very difficult to work with so I made a point to be very attentive to his needs throughout the year. I was told today that he has never given anyone a perfect review. 

I not only received a very good pay raise and Christmas bonus but I was always rewarded with what was called additional "hazard pay" for working so well with him. 

Although I am happy about my accomplishments, it really sucks not to have someone special to share my joy with.


----------



## FeministInPink

Sorry, Bballmom. But congrats on a job well done! Raises are hard to come by in this economy 

I know it's rough... but better to be successful alone than with the wrong person. When you do find the right person, you can go in knowing you are awesome!

:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Bandit, there's an album of pics on my profile page. Has the exact same pics that are on my Tinder acct.


Let me take a look. Have we friended?


----------



## bandit.45

Looked at your pics FIP. You are hot. Officially. 

So take those compliments to heart. 

I used to have auburn hair like yours. Used to....


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Looked at your pics FIP. You are hot. Officially.
> 
> So take those compliments to heart.
> 
> I used to have auburn hair like yours. Used to....


Thanks, Bandit. Like I said, I wasn't fishing for compliments, but I appreciate your honest response.

But that still leaves my original question... will guys tell a woman she's beautiful because they think it's an easy way in the door?

And you still have plenty of auburn hair, no worries there... and any woman worth her salt won't care one way or the other


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and Bandit? You should also know that I have abundant boobs and a great ass, to boot. I'm the whole package 

Funny, when I started working out the second year of my marriage and lost some weight, my XH said he would divorce me if I lost my ass. I should have kicked him to the curb then. (But I know the ass and boobs aren't going anywhere, even when I slim down.)


----------



## vi_bride04

I forget I was even married at one point in my life most of the time now


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?
> 
> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it.
> 
> Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.


I am the opposite, I do not like to hear them say I am pretty or beautiful. My ex would say that I was beautiful ALL the time, yet his actions made me feel otherwise. 
Perhaps one day I will want to hear men tell me I am pretty or beautiful, I am not there yet. 
If a man tells me that while we are just chatting I simply say "I know, thank you" and rarely ever speak with them again. 
Which is weird because on one hand I have low self esteem and want men to tell me how beautiful they think I am, but if I am interested in a man I DO NOT want to hear it.
So far, I have accepted to go out on dates with men who do not tell me I am pretty or beautiful. I know I am attractive, I know they think I am (because of the way they look at me) but I DO NOT want to hear it. 



Healer said:


> *I've learned not to express it because I think women hear it all the time and mostly they think it's cliche, or not genuine, or unoriginal*, blah blah. I'd love to tell a woman that, because chances are, if I'm hitting her up on a dating site, I find her beautiful, pretty, what have you. But I think for most women, they hear it so often, and it just seems like a ploy to get into their pants. Like you say - it makes you skeptical.
> .


BINGO!! That is how I feel when I am chatting with random men. But as I explained before, If I am not interested in them I don't care. They can call me beautiful all they want. 

BTW 

I posted a picture of Navy guy on my private album. He really does not look like such a d!ck in person..... his photo eeewww, he looks like a douche....
oh and yah, I think I am just slightly hotter than he is (not overly, just slightly) yes, you can roll your eyes


----------



## whitehawk

bandit.45 said:


> I don't like tats on women. I really dont.
> 
> I am indeed a Neanderthal.



l lovem but not to much. T has a few small little sexy ones and a few piercings but nothing to full on.
The trouble with women and full on tats , they look cool in their 20s and 30s . But after that they begin to look awful .


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I forget I was even married at one point in my life most of the time now


It's a good feeling. I don't feel it most of the time, but those moments/times are becoming more frequent and last longer each time. 

For a long time, I felt defined by the fact that I was divorced, but that's fading quickly.

:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


----------



## whitehawk

Baseballmom6 said:


> Although today was a good day, it is days like today that make me sad that I am divorced and single.
> 
> I received my annual review today and it was stellar. One of the people I started working for this year gave me a perfect review. He has a reputation of being very difficult to work with so I made a point to be very attentive to his needs throughout the year. I was told today that he has never given anyone a perfect review.
> 
> I not only received a very good pay raise and Christmas bonus but I was always rewarded with what was called additional "hazard pay" for working so well with him.
> 
> Although I am happy about my accomplishments, it really sucks not to have someone special to share my joy with.



Yeah l hated that too . 
My ex is funny like that . Sometimes when l go to see d or pick her up , ex tells me all this stuff , all happy and jumping up and down , just like we both use to every day.
But she did have an om so ,that angle makes me a bit crazy , why tell me now ?
But l also lap it up and chuckle to myself. Knowing she's lost that cool control for a few minutes and actually needed to tell me stuff .


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?
> 
> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it. When I was growing up, no one ever told me that I was pretty because they (my parents, whoever) wanted to focus on developing my brain and talents and whatever? So, for a while, I never knew how to respond when someone might say this to me, but now I know to say thank you and move on.
> 
> Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.
> 
> So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)?
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> (Side note: genuine question. Not fishing for compliments or seeking reassurance regarding my attractiveness.)



l found the women on date sites so prickly that l dare not mention they were pretty even if l thought they were , which wasn't too often on my site anyway :rofl:
But for a few other reasons .
You just read so much crap and there's so much paranoia surrounding the whole date site scene 
And then if they were , they've probably had 100 guys email them and tell them so , well l'm not being one of those .
Another thing too along the same lines was that women expected to just join a date site and bingo , order their perfect match , so l liked to make them work a bit :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


No rules on it. 5minutes or 5months or 5yrs. The want to be with someone can be sustained without the feeling of love for a long time before the sting of love is felt. Often it is a realization or feeling of being scared of losing that person..."like shiat it would really suck if they weren't around anymore, there would be a really big void and stuff". I prefer when it is more from a peaceful break from someone and you relive a few positive moments in your mind and can't help but crack a smile...yeah this person is where it's at


----------



## whitehawk

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, but as her hotness fades, she may end up working in increasingly divey places, where the tips aren't as good :/
> 
> 
> 
> I was going to say, makes you think long and hard before moving in with someone... that in and of itself would be the only deterrent I would need. A lot of people just shack up willy-nilly, and then end up getting married because they think it's the next logical step. I don't think I would have married my XH if we hadn't already been living together.
> 
> People say it prepares you for marriage, and I can see that being the case if you're engaged to be married and then you make the choice to move in before the wedding. But we moved in together too fast... I thought he was making a statement about the future of our relationship, when it was really about money and the fact that he didn't want to have to find a roommate.
> 
> So... no more co-habitation for me, unless he puts a ring on it first!



Ex and l shacked up within a few wks but it was very obvious from day one it was a keeper. l knew the day l met her l'd marry her.
Now days though , God it's scary no matter how l feel after going through all this [email protected] .
And , like even with T for example , there will be kids involved and then obviously and most importantly , my daughter . So life ain't as simple anymore no matter how you cut it or how you feel .


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


It seems as if it's very unusual for most people in general but me , l know how l;m going to feel within an hour or two , like with ex , even minutes .
That doesn't mean it's gonna work out but it does mean l feel the right way to go on sorta thing . 
Ex , it was literally love at first sight, l knew l;d marry her in minutes .

It's stranger now though as we're older and far more complicated , so much more to take into account . Guards up, self preservation , kids , baggage , hurt form the past , histories.
So now days , l do still know the right girl when l see her but that just can't be a done deal any more . If that makes any sense .


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, and Bandit? You should also know that I have abundant boobs and a great ass, to boot. I'm the whole package
> 
> Funny, when I started working out the second year of my marriage and lost some weight, my XH said he would divorce me if I lost my ass. I should have kicked him to the curb then. (But I know the ass and boobs aren't going anywhere, even when I slim down.)


Well those are definitely plus in my book. I like bumpy women

And to answer your question, sometimes yes and sometimes no. I don't use compliments to seduce a woman myself, but many men do. We're all a different breed of swine.


----------



## bandit.45

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


Different with each woman. Depends on the woman, timing and context.


----------



## movealong

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?
> 
> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it. When I was growing up, no one ever told me that I was pretty because they (my parents, whoever) wanted to focus on developing my brain and talents and whatever? So, for a while, I never knew how to respond when someone might say this to me, but now I know to say thank you and move on.
> 
> Fireman told me I was pretty/beautiful/sexy on a regular basis, but none of the guys I dated before XH ever really told me I was pretty, and neither did XH. I always assumed they found me attractive because they were with me, and it wasn't until XH that a man I was with ever made me feel UNattractive.
> 
> So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)?
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> (Side note: genuine question. Not fishing for compliments or seeking reassurance regarding my attractiveness.)


I despise being clich'e. When I did compliment a potential date with a comment about her beauty, I made sure to extend the compliment to why I thought she was pretty/beautiful. For example, most guys give a general "hot" compliment such as "wow, you're gorgeous!". But most pretty women get those compliments all of the time and they tend to start tuning out on those compliments, and by extension those guys. When I do compliment a woman, I compliment the entire person, making sure to include subtleties such as the way her earrings enhance her eyes. I notice the small things and comment on them. I see it the way I would like to be seen: as more than just a face in a picture.

I also notice the background in pictures. You can get a good, general, idea of what a woman likes by what is in the background of her pictures. Books? Music? Family? Even whether she is an outdoorsy type or a high maintenance type. if I notice something in the background of the picture, I comment on it as a way to initiate or continue the conversation.


----------



## movealong

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


Infatuation is immediate, love is a longer term experience. HS and I have been dating for a month, and quite honestly I have the same feelings for her that I had when I met my XW, so I am taking it slowly. Do I love her? Yes. Am I "in love" with her enough for a serious LTR? I am still working through that. 

The difference in this relationship and past relationships is that we already had a common history and shared experiences, so we had a foundation other than "just" feelings to build on. It feels different this time because we are both on the same page. I have hope that it will last, but I am self aware enough to know that it may not.


----------



## Healer

Baseballmom6 said:


> Although today was a good day, it is days like today that make me sad that I am divorced and single.
> 
> I received my annual review today and it was stellar. One of the people I started working for this year gave me a perfect review. He has a reputation of being very difficult to work with so I made a point to be very attentive to his needs throughout the year. I was told today that he has never given anyone a perfect review.
> 
> I not only received a very good pay raise and Christmas bonus but I was always rewarded with what was called additional "hazard pay" for working so well with him.
> 
> Although I am happy about my accomplishments, it really sucks not to have someone special to share my joy with.


Congrats!


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


I'll let you know when it happens.


----------



## Healer

I have an afternoon date with a woman 10 years my junior today (Tinder). Just drinks. The daytime thing was her suggestion. She said we can meet later if I like, I said no, that's great. Less pressure than dinner and all that hoopla.

Would folks here date someone 10 years their junior/senior?

Once again I'll go in with no expectations. I shall report back.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Healer said:


> I have an afternoon date with a woman 10 years my junior today (Tinder). Just drinks. The daytime thing was her suggestion. She said we can meet later if I like, I said no, that's great. Less pressure than dinner and all that hoopla.
> 
> Would folks here date someone 10 years their junior/senior?
> 
> Once again I'll go in with no expectations. I shall report back.


You should ask my ex wife that one! Hayooooooooh!!!!


----------



## whitehawk

movealong said:


> Infatuation is immediate, love is a longer term experience. HS and I have been dating for a month, and quite honestly I have the same feelings for her that I had when I met my XW, so I am taking it slowly. Do I love her? Yes. Am I "in love" with her enough for a serious LTR? I am still working through that.
> 
> The difference in this relationship and past relationships is that we already had a common history and shared experiences, so we had a foundation other than "just" feelings to build on. It feels different this time because we are both on the same page. I have hope that it will last, but I am self aware enough to know that it may not.



When l was single there was one from my late teens l tried to find , what with face book and all these days .
No luck though l did find a few others l knew from back then but no interest in them in that way.

lt must be a really bizarre feeling being together again and having all these years and life in between .


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> HS and I have been dating for a month, and quite honestly I have the same feelings for her that I had when I met my XW, so I am taking it slowly.
> 
> I have hope that it will last, but I am self aware enough to know that it may not.


You are a smart cookie for recognizing this/thinking this way. 



Healer said:


> Would folks here date someone 10 years their junior/senior?


I wouldn't date 10 years junior. But I tend to date older. 



vi_bride04 said:


> I forget I was even married at one point in my life most of the time now


:rofl:



FeministInPink said:


> I ask because I've been getting this a fair bit on Tinder, and I don't really know how to take it.
> 
> So, when I'm hearing guys on Tinder say (message) this to me, I'm automatically a little skeptical. I'm not sure if they're being sincere, or if this is just something they say because they think it will help them get into my pants (aka, flattery)?


I think some say it as an icebreaker. Some may say it to get on your good side. Some may say it because they think you're beautiful. Mixed bag. I get a lot of that on dating sites, too. It doesn't bother me and I say Thank you. I hear you on being skeptical as far as "let's talk about something else" instead of superficial stuff and sometimes I think, "you have never seen me." I still take the compliment though. I say if you are interested, go out and meet them and go from there. Or unmatch them if you're not into it.


----------



## whitehawk

Healer said:


> I have an afternoon date with a woman 10 years my junior today (Tinder). Just drinks. The daytime thing was her suggestion. She said we can meet later if I like, I said no, that's great. Less pressure than dinner and all that hoopla.
> 
> Would folks here date someone 10 years their junior/senior?
> 
> Once again I'll go in with no expectations. I shall report back.



My ex was 11 yrs younger , made no difference or had anything to do with our break up. 
T now is younger again.
It does depend , [ l meant to say] on the personality types and tastes and life stages to , if all that sorta stuffs not similar then could be problems.
Ex and l were basically two peas out of the same pod and with T there is also really , no difference in any of our tastes , music, likes or the ways we mess around , things we want, how we both like to live [ that's a real biggie ] .
She had no idea l was my age and l actually thought she was about 5yrs older than she is. Not because she looks it , she actually got asked for ID just the other day buying drinks . l just thought she was older.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Would folks here date someone 10 years their junior/senior?


I've been listening to the latest Bridget Jones novel and she is widowed and 51 in this book. She dates a guy who's 30 and it inevitably ends. She laments that she will never have anyone that young or gorgeous in her bed again and I felt her pain. I often find myself ogling guys in their 30's and would love to have one in my bed. I've managed it a couple of times this last year - even a 28 year old - and from a physical perspective it was great. Smooth, young, ripped bodies. Yep. Love that. HOWEVER, it's hard to relate emotionally. There is something about being with someone my own age that makes me feel more understood, and I feel like that's a prerequisite for compatibility.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> You should ask my ex wife that one! Hayooooooooh!!!!


Why is that?


----------



## bandit.45

Healer said:


> I have an afternoon date with a woman 10 years my junior today (Tinder). Just drinks. The daytime thing was her suggestion. She said we can meet later if I like, I said no, that's great. Less pressure than dinner and all that hoopla.
> 
> Would folks here date someone 10 years their junior/senior?
> 
> Once again I'll go in with no expectations. I shall report back.


I did. The sex is awesome. Conversation not so great.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Why is that?


Her boyfriend is 10 years her senior. No kids and lives 3 hours away in another country.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Her boyfriend is 10 years her senior. No kids and lives 3 hours away in another country.


OHHHH.....well whatever floats her boat. 
Long distance relationships ugggh they just rack my brain, I just don't understand them. 
To each there own...but you guys know what I say, you don't think there is someone better in between you and long distance SO? Maybe that is why people like it that way, they know they don't have to commit all the way so when that better person comes along they can dump easier.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> No rules on it. 5minutes or 5months or 5yrs. The want to be with someone can be sustained without the feeling of love for a long time before the sting of love is felt. Often it is a realization or feeling of being scared of losing that person..."like shiat it would really suck if they weren't around anymore, there would be a really big void and stuff". I prefer when it is more from a peaceful break from someone and you relive a few positive moments in your mind and can't help but crack a smile...yeah this person is where it's at





whitehawk said:


> It seems as if it's very unusual for most people in general but me , l know how l;m going to feel within an hour or two , like with ex , even minutes .
> That doesn't mean it's gonna work out but it does mean l feel the right way to go on sorta thing .
> Ex , it was literally love at first sight, l knew l;d marry her in minutes .
> 
> It's stranger now though as we're older and far more complicated , so much more to take into account . Guards up, self preservation , kids , baggage , hurt form the past , histories.
> So now days , l do still know the right girl when l see her but that just can't be a done deal any more . If that makes any sense .





bandit.45 said:


> Different with each woman. Depends on the woman, timing and context.





movealong said:


> Infatuation is immediate, love is a longer term experience. HS and I have been dating for a month, and quite honestly I have the same feelings for her that I had when I met my XW, so I am taking it slowly. Do I love her? Yes. Am I "in love" with her enough for a serious LTR? I am still working through that.
> 
> The difference in this relationship and past relationships is that we already had a common history and shared experiences, so we had a foundation other than "just" feelings to build on. It feels different this time because we are both on the same page. I have hope that it will last, but I am self aware enough to know that it may not.


Thanks for the responses to my question, guys.  

I asked because in my current relationship, I fell really fast, which is how it usually happens with me when I do, unfortunately!  The guy I am with is one, based on what he has told me, who also tends to fall fast and hard. We have been seeing each other about 7 weeks now, and over the weekend, those 3 damn words came spilling out of my mouth, and were not reciprocated.  So now, I am feeling kind of a paralysis, I have no clue how to proceed with things. We have not talked about it, and I am unsure whether or not to bring it up. I can tell that he really likes me, to the point evidently that I was thinking he felt the same way about me, so I am really lost and confused now. 

I wanted to get other men's experiences and viewpoints with this, because I needed to know if this is a normal amount of time for him to be feeling it...or still not feeling it yet...? My past experiences have been men falling just as hard and fast for me, and they are usually the ones who verbalize it first! When we first started out, he seemed so sure about things with us. He even told me this within the first few days, "when we first hugged...it felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be." So based on things like this, I thought he was falling pretty fast as well. 

So I am befuddled, I am embarrassed, I am unsure. I have been supportive and nurturing with him, he is dealing with quite a bit of crap right now, and he has noticed and has expressed gratitude for me being in his life. This has not been work on my part to do this because of my feelings, and its just who I am and what I do when I care about someone. But now I dont know what to do, nothing feels natural at the moment. I dont want to freak out and mess things up. He did get out of a 2 year relationship around the end of June this year, and it was a nasty end to a borderline abusive situation. I worry that lingering feelings may be messing with him.  

Any advice on how to proceed??


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> OHHHH.....well whatever floats her boat.
> Long distance relationships ugggh they just rack my brain, I just don't understand them.
> To each there own...but you guys know what I say, you don't think there is someone better in between you and long distance SO? Maybe that is why people like it that way, *they know they don't have to commit all the way so when that better person comes along they can dump easier.*


It also makes it easier to go back to them after asking your ex husband to work on a fallen out marriage. You can go from not being over said marriage to being back with the long distance relationship within a week! And they're non the wiser. :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> Question for the men...how long does it usually take you guys to fall/realize that you are in love with a woman in a new relationship?


Falling in love with someone right away in a new relationship is a slippery slope ...


----------



## 06Daddio08

FeministInPink said:


> OK, so a question for the guys here: If you're on a dating site, how likely are you to tell a woman you're chatting with that you think she's pretty/beautiful?


With online dating? I never did and I met 7 women online. Come to think of it ... I don't think I complimented a woman on their physical appearance once in the written form. My focus was geared towards what they wrote about themselves and that's how I communicated (I received quite a few compliments on my ability to hold a conversation and actually seem interested in their lives).

All those online dates didn't go past the first date and I don't really seem to care for giving compliments based on appearance on the first date. As I'd much rather gauge who they are as a person before getting to the physical aspect.

Now ... when it came to the woman I was seeing for a couple months, once we hit it off and it was clear there was a connection I had no issue letting her know what I thought about her physically. Although it wasn't just on her physical appearance itself, but the little things she would do. 

I started to write out a few of those little things, but I think I'll keep them to myself. Lol. It's a shame it ended.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Long distance relationships ugggh they just rack my brain


They're not my thing either. I have tried it and it's just annoying after time. Especially when the Skype screen freezes.



3Xnocharm said:


> We have been seeing each other about 7 weeks now, and over the weekend, those 3 damn words came spilling out of my mouth, and were not reciprocated.
> 
> Any advice on how to proceed??


Sorry. Did he say anything to you at all? My advice is to go slow and see what happens.



06Daddio08 said:


> Falling in love with someone right away in a new relationship is a slippery slope ...


:iagree:


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> I asked because in my current relationship, I fell really fast, which is how it usually happens with me when I do, unfortunately!  The guy I am with is one, based on what he has told me, who also tends to fall fast and hard. We have been seeing each other about 7 weeks now, and over the weekend, those 3 damn words came spilling out of my mouth, and were not reciprocated.  So now, I am feeling kind of a paralysis, I have no clue how to proceed with things. We have not talked about it, and I am unsure whether or not to bring it up. I can tell that he really likes me, to the point evidently that I was thinking he felt the same way about me, so I am really lost and confused now.


Do you fall in love with someone so they fall in love with you? If you love him, that's on you and when you tell someone you love them, it shouldn't be to hear it back from them. It's you expressing how you feel to them, they might not be there right away and that's okay.

You want the other person to feel it genuinely. If it's not genuine, it's not real.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> Do you fall in love with someone so they fall in love with you? If you love him, that's on you and *when you tell someone you love them, it shouldn't be to hear it back from them. *It's you expressing how you feel to them, they might not be there right away and that's okay.
> *
> You want the other person to feel it genuinely. If it's not genuine, it's not real.*


Yes, I agree, and that wasnt why I said it..I actually didnt MEAN to say it, it just came out!  And I dont want HIM to say it if he doesnt mean it, either. Its just hard when you are left there holding this open bag of your emotions...


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, I agree, and that wasnt why I said it..I actually didnt MEAN to say it, it just came out!  And I dont want HIM to say it if he doesnt mean it, either. Its just hard when you are left there holding this open bag of your emotions...


Love is a wonderful feeling. Be glad you are able to love someone and do not be embarrassed for showing your love.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> It also makes it easier to go back to them after asking your ex husband to work on a fallen out marriage. You can go from not being over said marriage to being back with the long distance relationship within a week! And they're non the wiser. :rofl:


See there has got to be some reason why they want that lack of commitment and massive personal space. Just like I told Moxy I think it was but that you don't NEED the distance to have personal space, they can live around the corner from you and you don't have to see them every day or even every week if you want. When you put that much distance in between yourself and your SO you are doing it for "other" reasons.



Jellybeans said:


> They're not my thing either. I have tried it and it's just annoying after time. Especially when the Skype screen freezes.


I really don't see the point. Such disassociation is unhealthy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Love is a wonderful feeling. Be glad you are able to love someone and do not be embarrassed for showing your love.


Thanks Ne! I am pretty amazed that I can still love after all the sh!t I have been through with others in the past!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> See there has got to be some reason why they want that lack of commitment and massive personal space. Just like I told Moxy I think it was but that you don't NEED the distance to have personal space, they can live around the corner from you and you don't have to see them every day or even every week if you want. When you put that much distance in between yourself and your SO you are doing it for "other" reasons.


For sure, everyone has a reason for why they do the things they do.


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, I agree, and that wasnt why I said it..I actually didnt MEAN to say it, it just came out!  And I dont want HIM to say it if he doesnt mean it, either. *Its just hard when you are left there holding this open bag of your emotions...*


I can relate to this, I'm an open bag of emotions and it's why I have to cut contact with those I gain feelings for but doesn't work out with. I can't do it, it takes me a while to go through everything in my head and find my footing once again.


----------



## ne9907

Sometimes a person becomes infatuated with someone who lives far away. Nobody else comes close to duplicating the feelings felt for the other person.

I have nothing against long distance relationships, but you all know my record. 

To me, it is not about finding someone closer which would be doable but I seem to not be attracted to anyone who lives close by me.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks for the responses to my question, guys.
> 
> I asked because in my current relationship, I fell really fast, which is how it usually happens with me when I do, unfortunately!  The guy I am with is one, based on what he has told me, who also tends to fall fast and hard. We have been seeing each other about 7 weeks now, and over the weekend, those 3 damn words came spilling out of my mouth, and were not reciprocated.  So now, I am feeling kind of a paralysis, I have no clue how to proceed with things. We have not talked about it, and I am unsure whether or not to bring it up. I can tell that he really likes me, to the point evidently that I was thinking he felt the same way about me, so I am really lost and confused now.
> 
> I wanted to get other men's experiences and viewpoints with this, because I needed to know if this is a normal amount of time for him to be feeling it...or still not feeling it yet...? My past experiences have been men falling just as hard and fast for me, and they are usually the ones who verbalize it first! When we first started out, he seemed so sure about things with us. He even told me this within the first few days, "when we first hugged...it felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be." So based on things like this, I thought he was falling pretty fast as well.
> 
> So I am befuddled, I am embarrassed, I am unsure. I have been supportive and nurturing with him, he is dealing with quite a bit of crap right now, and he has noticed and has expressed gratitude for me being in his life. This has not been work on my part to do this because of my feelings, and its just who I am and what I do when I care about someone. But now I dont know what to do, nothing feels natural at the moment. I dont want to freak out and mess things up. He did get out of a 2 year relationship around the end of June this year, and it was a nasty end to a borderline abusive situation. I worry that lingering feelings may be messing with him.
> 
> *Any advice on how to proceed??*


Carefully!!!
Just be your normal self. Don't over the top anything and go with the flow. There is a good chance after the honey moon phase you might see some triggering if you haven't already. Just be supportive and understand hes damaged.
There have been times I have triggered so hard and for a period of time I just want to scream cause my brain is making **** up...then after I come back to reality I just smh and think boy that was crazy wtf was I thinking.


----------



## 06Daddio08

ne9907 said:


> Sometimes a person becomes infatuated with someone who lives far away. *Nobody else comes close to duplicating the feelings felt for the other person.*
> 
> I have nothing against long distance relationships, but you all know my record.
> 
> To me, it is not about finding someone closer which would be doable but I seem to not be attracted to anyone who lives close by me.


That's because the Honeymoon Phase can last a very very long time and when things go bad there's enough space between each other for things to cool down. Think about it, it's already a mutual understanding that with a long distance relationship you're both going to have to continue on with your lives, without the other person being in your personal space a lot.

Get together for a weekend, do fun exciting things, sleep with each other, tell one another all those sweet and great things, go home with that high for 2-3 weeks until you can do it again.

Get together for a weekend, things don't really work out the way they were planned, get into a fight, argue about why they're even doing this, go home. Think it over, start feeling bad about things, maul it over in that usual time period that you're not together, apologize, talk it over and repeat the first part all over again.

Rinse and repeat.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> That's because the Honeymoon Phase can last a very very long time and when things go bad there's enough space between each other for things to cool down.


Personally, I can't "honeymoon phase" without a real body, flesh and blood. 

The Skype screen and emoji texts just don't cut it.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> That's because the Honeymoon Phase can last a very very long time and when things go bad there's enough space between each other for things to cool down. Think about it, it's already a mutual understanding that with a long distance relationship you're both going to have to continue on with your lives, without the other person being in your personal space a lot.
> 
> Get together for a weekend, do fun exciting things, sleep with each other, tell one another all those sweet and great things, go home with that high for 2-3 weeks until you can do it again.
> 
> Get together for a weekend, things don't really work out the way they were planned, get into a fight, argue about why they're even doing this, go home. Think it over, start feeling bad about things, maul it over in that usual time period that you're not together, apologize, talk it over and repeat the first part all over again.
> 
> Rinse and repeat.


Wow lol is that really how it works? Sounds fun honestly.
I personally have some serious trust issues and know for a fact I would go absolutely bonkers with a LDR, especially if we argued at all.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Carefully!!!
> Just be your normal self. Don't over the top anything and go with the flow. There is a good chance after the honey moon phase you might see some triggering if you haven't already. Just be supportive and understand hes damaged.


Thanks, AP. I am trying to be my normal self, but I have been sort of "off" since my big mouth happened.  And yes, I am aware of the possible triggering. We have talked at length about what went on before, on both sides, and have both mentioned being triggered and dealing with it as it comes. I know that he still has lingering feelings there since it has not been all that long since it ended, especially due to the codependent nature of that relationship. I am trying to be patient with things. 

Sorry you can still get triggered so hard, too!



Another Planet said:


> Wow lol is that really how it works? Sounds fun honestly.
> I personally have some serious trust issues and know for a fact I would go absolutely bonkers with a LDR, especially if we argued at all.


I wont do LDR. I had two that were 45 minute commutes, and that was enough of a distance to be really inconvenient and annoying. I felt like I missed out on things being "normal" due to the distance, I cant imagine 2 hours or more! I wont do it again.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Wow lol is that really how it works? Sounds fun honestly.
> I personally have some serious trust issues and know for a fact I would go absolutely bonkers with a LDR, especially if we argued at all.


That's my guess on how it works. Lol.


----------



## ne9907

I asked already, but did not hear anything back, what do you all think of Navy guy? I posted on pic of him in my private album.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I asked already, but did not hear anything back, what do you all think of Navy guy? I posted on pic of him in my private album.


Good looking dude...then again, he IS in a military uniform!  I should post one of my drummer....


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I asked already, but did not hear anything back, what do you all think of Navy guy? I posted on pic of him in my private album.


Ehh looks like another dude to me. Hes not fugly I can say that much lol


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Good looking dude...then again, he IS in a military uniform!  I should post one of my drummer....


omg yes! I love to see pictures 




Another Planet said:


> Ehh looks like another dude to me. Hes not fugly I can say that much lol


THanks AP. I feel as if I am showing pictures to my family. For some reason, I do not want my real family or friends to know I am dating. Whenever I get into a serious relationship, I do plan on letting them know, yet the thought scares me.... ugh...


----------



## whitehawk

3Xnocharm said:


> Thanks for the responses to my question, guys.
> 
> I asked because in my current relationship, I fell really fast, which is how it usually happens with me when I do, unfortunately!  The guy I am with is one, based on what he has told me, who also tends to fall fast and hard. We have been seeing each other about 7 weeks now, and over the weekend, those 3 damn words came spilling out of my mouth, and were not reciprocated.  So now, I am feeling kind of a paralysis, I have no clue how to proceed with things. We have not talked about it, and I am unsure whether or not to bring it up. I can tell that he really likes me, to the point evidently that I was thinking he felt the same way about me, so I am really lost and confused now.
> 
> I wanted to get other men's experiences and viewpoints with this, because I needed to know if this is a normal amount of time for him to be feeling it...or still not feeling it yet...? My past experiences have been men falling just as hard and fast for me, and they are usually the ones who verbalize it first! When we first started out, he seemed so sure about things with us. He even told me this within the first few days, "when we first hugged...it felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be." So based on things like this, I thought he was falling pretty fast as well.
> 
> So I am befuddled, I am embarrassed, I am unsure. I have been supportive and nurturing with him, he is dealing with quite a bit of crap right now, and he has noticed and has expressed gratitude for me being in his life. This has not been work on my part to do this because of my feelings, and its just who I am and what I do when I care about someone. But now I dont know what to do, nothing feels natural at the moment. I dont want to freak out and mess things up. He did get out of a 2 year relationship around the end of June this year, and it was a nasty end to a borderline abusive situation. I worry that lingering feelings may be messing with him.
> 
> Any advice on how to proceed??


Well, even in saying what l've said about when ex and l met . l still didn't actually tell her l loved her for about 2 mths .
l even self sabotaged it and split up with her twice , over the stupidest things. l literally [email protected] myself feeling that strongly about her . 
So it wasn't all roses mentally , it was very scary stuff .

So it's really hard to tell yet 3x ,there's not enough here to go on and there could be lots of reasons he didn't say anything , especially with a recent past still in his head. Or the baddie , maybe he just doesn't feel it .
lt's all in how people act with you and treat you, look at you, that's the give away .


----------



## 06Daddio08

Letting your friends and family know you're dating scares you? Interesting. You know it was rather interesting when I brought who I was seeing to meet my friends for the first time. Mind you, looking back it probably wasn't the best time to introduce someone to my friends (we were having our own Beer Festival ... I'd say there was 20+ people in the house and lots of booze).

All the women were giving me thumbs up and high fives when I ran into them while she wasn't with me. Bombarded with questions about where we met, them letting me know that they approved and she was cute. 

I had no idea how to respond to it but I found it hilarious with how surprised they were that I actually started dating someone. Before then, all I had was stories from online dating and why I didn't continue seeing them.


----------



## movealong

ne9907 said:


> I asked already, but did not hear anything back, what do you all think of Navy guy? I posted on pic of him in my private album.


He looks young to be a CPO. I have to respect his Surface Warfare pin, as well. Looks like a good enough fellow.


----------



## whitehawk

l really liked the idea of a couple of hours.
especially if it could be somewhere traveling back and forth up and down my road.
That would've been sorta fantasy like because l love driving on good roads and my roads the most scenic road in the country . People come from all over the world to see it.
And then l did love the idea of the space and separate worlds for the first year or two too , especially when kids are concerned.

lt was all just a fun little fantasy thing of mine . Of course l'm not gonna meet someone up or down my road l wanna stick around with am l anyway, who could get that lucky. They'd be more likely 2 hours inland and across the [email protected] roads in the country would be the reality more like it :rofl:.

But l did like the idea of some space for awhile there , non the less.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> *Letting your friends and family know you're dating scares you? Interesting*. You know it was rather interesting when I brought who I was seeing to meet my friends for the first time. Mind you, looking back it probably wasn't the best time to introduce someone to my friends (we were having our own Beer Festival ... I'd say there was 20+ people in the house and lots of booze).
> 
> All the women were giving me thumbs up and high fives when I ran into them while she wasn't with me. Bombarded with questions about where we met, them letting me know that they approved and she was cute.
> 
> I had no idea how to respond to it but I found it hilarious with how surprised they were that I actually started dating someone. Before then, all I had was stories from online dating and why I didn't continue seeing them.


Yes, it is because my ex husband really fvcked up with my family as well. I know other men will not be like ex, but the fear is still there.

Your experience sounds soooo scary to me! But a bit fun too.



movealong said:


> He looks young to be a CPO. I have to respect his Surface Warfare pin, as well. Looks like a good enough fellow.


He does look very young. I know. He is my age (37), and looks older in person. I know he is a CPO because I saw his ID card, I showed him mine and he showed me his . It is strange to talk to someone who is actually in the military after so many years (I am national guard) there is a HUGE difference between military men and civilian men. Military men are very non bs, they are straight to the point, and well just entirely different mentality.


----------



## moxy

Yes. Military men are hot.


----------



## whitehawk

06Daddio08 said:


> Letting your friends and family know you're dating scares you? Interesting. You know it was rather interesting when I brought who I was seeing to meet my friends for the first time. Mind you, looking back it probably wasn't the best time to introduce someone to my friends (we were having our own Beer Festival ... I'd say there was 20+ people in the house and lots of booze).
> 
> All the women were giving me thumbs up and high fives when I ran into them while she wasn't with me. Bombarded with questions about where we met, them letting me know that they approved and she was cute.
> 
> I had no idea how to respond to it but I found it hilarious with how surprised they were that I actually started dating someone. Before then, all I had was stories from online dating and why I didn't continue seeing them.



That's a classic D . Sounds like a great day anyway.
Gotta laugh at all the girls , they're cute when their stirring like that and with that cheeky grin they get .
Dreading the thought of walking into my crowd with someone new haha , they're gonna lay into me for sure . There's probably 30 or so girls amongst sisters , in laws , daughters of whoever and the rest of it .


----------



## ne9907

Have any of you had clothing magically appear at your place?

Here is the background. About a week after I went out with Navy guy for the first time, a Navy hooded sweatshirt appeared at my mom's place; I visit her almost every weekend. My mom's is always busting with activity. I asked around to see if anyone brought it but nobody knows how the sweatshirt appeared. Nobody. 
We (as a family) have no ties to anyone in the Navy, just Army and Air Force. 
Yesterday I found this sweatshirt again and again I asked everyone. Nobody knows anything at all.

I find this weird. I was going to mention this to navy guy, but I am hesitant, I do not want him to think I am crazy.


----------



## RandomDude

Food poisoning from FWB >.<

She trying to kill me? Bah I feel like sh-t!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Food poisoning from FWB >.<
> 
> She trying to kill me? Bah I feel like sh-t!


aww, food poisoning svcks!!!
Take a lot of fluids. Seven up is the best.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm drinking lots of juice and pissing napalm >.<

It burns it does! Feel dizzy, weak, depressed too bah!


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> I'm drinking lots of juice and pissing napalm >.<
> 
> It burns it does! Feel dizzy, weak, depressed too bah!


Pissing napalm? Burning? Don't think that food poisoning boss!.....more like an STD, I'd get checked out if I were you.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Pissing napalm? Burning? Don't think that food poisoning boss!.....more like an STD, I'd get checked out if I were you.


Or a UTI. Do guys get UTIs?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Or a UTI. Do guys get UTIs?


This was my thought too!


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Pissing napalm? Burning? Don't think that food poisoning boss!.....more like an STD, I'd get checked out if I were you.


I was exaggerating, it's just hotter than usual thanks to the fever, besides pissing napalm sounds funny


----------



## Healer

Well, I just had a helluva a first date. This was with the gal 10 years younger than me. I get to the place (we were to meet at 3 pm) and she texts me "I'm running behind and don't want to piss you off on our first date, is 3:30 still OK?". I teased her a bit then replied no problem. She arrives and is obviously freezing (it's around 6 degrees here, or -14 Celsius for my fellow Canadians). Very unpleasant. She's beautiful, intelligent, cultured and funny. Uh oh. I'm in trouble. We end up talking from 3:30 to 8:30 - not a lull or awkward moment. I'm actually a bit hoarse right now from talking so much. Lots 'o chemistry.

We're both performers and very passionate and had a lot of ground to cover there - lots in common. She's very passionate as am I. Movies came up at one point, and she has seen "Gone Girl", which I want to see. I said too bad. I'd like to see it. She said "I'd see it again". So we firmed up a date Saturday. Going to see me play at a blues club then dinner/movie. I'm pretty stoked about that.

Finally I asked for the check - didn't want to drink anymore and wanted to end the night on a good note (and 5 hours is a long time to sit and talk!). I said "I'll drive you home". She was very thankful for that. We walk to my car and the poor thing is just fricken freezing her buns off. I opened the door for her and cleaned off the dirty seat (hey, I wasn't expecting company!!). Drive her to her building, unbuckle to give her a hug goodnight and an innocent peck on the cheek. I wanted to kiss her but I wasn't going to push it on the first date.

That peck turned into a full on 10 minute make out session. Super hot passionate kissing. I would sort of pull away as I was worried I was blocking someone on the road - she wanted to keep going (so I of course obliged - it's a tough job, but it had to be done!). She said "I know I should go, but I can't stop kissing you". It could've escalated but I didn't want it to. So I finally kissed her forehead and said "I'll call you tomorrow". She texted me when I got home "It took a lot of discipline to get out of your car". Sigh.

Can't wait to see her Saturday. We've got some magnetism happening for sure. And I LOVE making out like teenagers. I needed that.


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> I asked already, but did not hear anything back, what do you all think of Navy guy? I posted on pic of him in my private album.



Ugh, the navy... Those days are far behind and for go riddance. Anyway my only new album pic, youngest son. He is my jock. He just completed first tackle football season and now be is s b-baller (shooting guard).


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Have any of you had clothing magically appear at your place?


Nope. That's weird.



Healer said:


> That peck turned into a full on 10 minute make out session. Super hot passionate kissing.
> 
> She said "I know I should go, but I can't stop kissing you".


:smthumbup: Woo hoo!

P.S. I hated Gone Girl. (The movie and the book).


----------



## hope4family

Looks like I am going on a date Saturday night in between a weekend of dancing. 

I say it again...LOOKOUT!


----------



## movealong

HS and I are hosting a party Saturday evening at her home. It will be an opportunity to meet her sister and a few more of her friends. I am actually looking forward to it. In the past I would have been somewhat flummoxed having to meet new people in a new setting, and I would have compensated by drinking to "loosen up". Today I am comfortable with myself and my sobriety and I am actually looking forward to the party. It's as much for her as it is me anyway, lol! I kind of feel like a 'trophy'. Hahahah!!

Anyway, I am really digging being in this relationship. No pressure, no hurry, just acceptance and being comfortable around each other.


----------



## Jellybeans

That sounds nice, Movealong. What is the party's occasion? How long you been dating HS?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I asked already, but did not hear anything back, what do you all think of Navy guy? I posted on pic of him in my private album.


Ne, I added a pic of my drummer to my album.

Edit: I added a second one, he is the one on the right.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> That sounds nice, MOvealong? What is the party's occasion? How long you been dating HS?


The occasion is just to introduce me to her friends and sister in a fun setting. We had an impromptu get together with a couple of her neighbors this passed weekend and it went really well and they will be at the party this weekend so I will already know a couple of people and won't be so out of sorts, lol!

We started dating a little over a month ago. We went to the same high school and knew a lot of the same people, so we had a kind of head start on getting to know each other's background. It's been exceptional thus far.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sweet! Wear something nice!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Sweet! Wear something nice!


:rofl: What a mom thing to say, JB!


----------



## Jellybeans

Really? 

As a non-mom I find that funny. I would certainly never tell him to wear something awful!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> :rofl: What a mom thing to say, JB!



Add to that, "don't forget to comb your hair".


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Sweet! Wear something nice!


I will, JB. LOL! 

On a different note, I am looking at downsizing out of my current home. It is too much for me and my daughter. The problem is that I am probably going to lose my relationship with my step-daughter over it. I am so tired of having to clean up after them, and having to remind them to pay their rent, it is driving me crazy. So, I may lose contact with my stepdaughter and stepgranddaughter when I tell them they have to find their own place. It is something that needs to be done, though, so I am moving forward with it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw I bet that feels weird but you gotta do what you gotta do. How old are they? If they are responsible for rent, they should know by know they need to pay and clean up after themselves.

Downsizing is fun. I did it and feel happy!


----------



## movealong

She and her fiance are 24. January is building up to be a watershed month for me. My oldest son will be going to Air Force boot camp, stepdaughter and her fiance are going to have to find a new place to live, and my daughter and I will be hopefully moving in to a smaller home. This year has been a year of change and starting over, next year I am hoping for a year of new beginnings and continued happiness.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> I will, JB. LOL!
> 
> On a different note, I am looking at downsizing out of my current home. It is too much for me and my daughter. The problem is that I am probably going to lose my relationship with my step-daughter over it. I am so tired of having to clean up after them, and having to remind them to pay their rent, it is driving me crazy. So, I may lose contact with my stepdaughter and stepgranddaughter when I tell them they have to find their own place. It is something that needs to be done, though, so I am moving forward with it.


I would think that if you give her plenty of notice, that it may not be as traumatic as you expect. I would hope she wouldnt be that nasty to cut you out of her life over it.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, I added a pic of my drummer to my album.
> 
> Edit: I added a second one, he is the one on the right.


Why do women seem to like military men, police officers, firemen, and musicians so much? 
Or is it just one of those things that it only gets noticed out of the norm because it is so cliche? One of those fantasy things.
No one ever says "man I got the hots for insurance salesmen" lol


----------



## Ikaika

Another Planet said:


> Why do women seem to like military men, police officers, firemen, and musicians so much?
> 
> Or is it just one of those things that it only gets noticed out of the norm because it is so cliche? One of those fantasy things.
> 
> *No one ever says "man I got the hots for insurance salesmen" *lol



or for scientists :rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Why do women seem to like military men, police officers, firemen, and musicians so much?


Well the first three are all very masculine occupations, and because UNIFORMS! :smthumbup: As far as the attraction for musicians, that one is harder to pinpoint. There is something about possessing such a talent to make music, and using your hands, and rhythm, and sweat, and exuding passion...yeah, sexy! 



Another Planet said:


> Or is it just one of those things that it only gets noticed out of the norm because it is so cliche? One of those fantasy things.
> No one ever says "man I got the hots for insurance salesmen" lol


Hey I am sure there are HOT insurance salesmen out there!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> Well the first three are all very masculine occupations, and because UNIFORMS! :smthumbup: As far as the attraction for musicians, that one is harder to pinpoint. There is something about possessing such a talent to make music, and using your hands, and rhythm, and sweat, and exuding passion...yeah, sexy!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hey I am sure there are HOT insurance salesmen out there!



So what about someone who was once a military man, then played music only to become a boring science nerd? :rofl:

Not fishing, just a silly comment/question. 

Anyway, if I were single again, I have my age to ground me in reality.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ikaika said:


> *So what about someone who was once a military man, then played music only to become a boring science nerd? * :rofl:
> 
> Not fishing, just a silly comment/question.
> 
> Anyway, if I were single again, I have my age to ground me in reality.


Still counts as hot! Smart only adds to the hotness!


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> or for scientists :rofl:


Yeah, have you seen Big Bang Theory??? The only bang-able one is Johnny Galecki's character, and he's still incredibly awkward (socially).

I went to Johns Hopkins University for undergrad and graduate work. So, TONS of smart people, yeah? Most of them are socially awkward. Some of them aren't, and they do well romantically. A few will grow out of their social awkwardness and bloom. But most of them stay socially awkward. And they are usually the antithesis of hot.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing stones. These are my people, and they are AWESOME people.)

They also almost exclusively date other socially awkward science nerds, get married, and have adorable socially awkward science nerd babies.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Why do women seem to like military men, police officers, firemen, and musicians so much?
> Or is it just one of those things that it only gets noticed out of the norm because it is so cliche? One of those fantasy things.
> No one ever says "man I got the hots for insurance salesmen" lol





3Xnocharm said:


> Well the first three are all very masculine occupations, and because UNIFORMS! :smthumbup: As far as the attraction for musicians, that one is harder to pinpoint. There is something about possessing such a talent to make music, and using your hands, and rhythm, and sweat, and exuding passion...yeah, sexy!
> 
> Hey I am sure there are HOT insurance salesmen out there!


I also think it's the draw of the alpha... all four have alpha written all over them, and that's sexy.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, I added a pic of my drummer to my album.
> 
> Edit: I added a second one, he is the one on the right.


Pretty hot! 3x! nice one!

AP we like men in uniform because they are just hot and there is something alluring about the protective male.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> or for scientists :rofl:


Disagree. There are plenty of hot scientists. I'd much rather a hot scientist than a hot meathead. Every woman is different though.


----------



## moxy

Ikaika said:


> So what about someone who was once a military man, then played music only to become a boring science nerd? :rofl:



That would be the jackpot.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Disagree. There are plenty of hot scientists. I'd much rather a hot scientist than a hot meathead. Every woman is different though.



I know I always have to tell my wife, I have body too, I'm not just a bunch of neuronal connections :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> I know I always have to tell my wife, I have body too, I'm not just a bunch of neuronal connections :rofl:


I'm glad you liked my earlier post... wasn't sure who I might offend with that one. 

Edited to add: And in response to your quote above... Sometimes, I think (when it comes to men), "I know I'm smart. Stop trying to seduce my brain. Focus on my BODY."


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I'm glad you liked my earlier post... wasn't sure who I might offend with that one.


I'm not easily offended... too old to be thinned skinned, and anyway I am very comfortable with who I am in life. I only wish I had been this way earlier in my life. 

I just wish TAM would stop thinking (ads) I need to meet young Asian women who could easily be my daughter.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ikaika said:


> I just wish TAM would stop thinking (ads) I need to meet young Asian women who could easily be my daughter.


Me too, sheesh!


----------



## FeministInPink

TAM ads think I need more (Kate Spade) purses and shoes, apparently.

I can't really argue with them...


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> TAM ads think I need more (Kate Spade) purses and shoes, apparently.
> 
> I can't really argue with them...



The only time I get offended is when TAM ads think I need male depends ("for those leaky problems"). Granted we had a plumbing leak from our sons' bathroom into the downstairs kitchen, but that sort of plumbing leak...  how old do they think I am?


----------



## Ikaika

Owning a home, oh the joys:

From (last week Tuesday):



To this today:





Found the leak, fixed it now patching, oh for joy. 

Just need to do a little more "mud", apply texture then paint. Should be done by Friday.


----------



## Another Planet

My ads are GoodNites Tru-fit (which I think are night time diapers?!) and AT&T Uverse...
I understand the Uverse cause my GF and I were just searching for it but the diapers are a mystery...


----------



## Ikaika

Another Planet said:


> My ads are GoodNites Tru-fit (which I think are night time diapers?!) and AT&T Uverse...
> I understand the Uverse cause my GF and I were just searching for it but the diapers are a mystery...



I'm old, I guess TAM assumes I have a leaky bladder and looking for young Asian women. :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> I also think it's the draw of the alpha... all four have alpha written all over them, and that's sexy.





ne9907 said:


> Pretty hot! 3x! nice one!
> 
> AP we like men in uniform because they are just hot and there is something alluring about the protective male.


I figured that geesh  
Honestly I don't even know why I asked, maybe I was hoping there was a less shallow answer...(no offense 0_0 lol)
Just like men going after blondes with hot bodies I guess...just that we get judged negatively for that...did I just say that?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I figured that geesh
> Honestly I don't even know why I asked, maybe I was hoping there was a less shallow answer...(no offense 0_0 lol)
> Just like men going after blondes with hot bodies I guess...just that we get judged negatively for that...did I just say that?


HEY NOW, its not um..ENTIRELY...shallow...


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> The only time I get offended is when TAM ads think I need male depends ("for those leaky problems"). Granted we had a plumbing leak from our sons' bathroom into the downstairs kitchen, but that sort of plumbing leak...  how old do they think I am?


:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> HEY NOW, its not um..ENTIRELY...shallow...


Umm, yeah! They're like... real-life heroes, and worthy of respect. Yeah! Respect! Except, maybe the musicians...


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> Umm, yeah! They're like... real-life heroes, and worthy of respect. Yeah! Respect! Except, maybe the musicians...


Smh...I never said anything about a lack of respect.


----------



## firebelly1

Of late I am finding that my favorite uniform is a nice suit. I especially like it when a white guy can rock a purple shirt. Not sure why. The black guys always can.


----------



## bandit.45

I'm making myself dinner. Rice-a-Roni is neither from San Francisco nor is it a treat. 😒
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> Of late I am finding that my favorite uniform is a nice suit. I especially like it when a white guy can rock a purple shirt. Not sure why. The black guys always can.


Purple clashes with fish belly complexion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> I'm making myself dinner. Rice-a-Roni is neither from San Francisco nor is it a treat. 😒
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And fettuccini alfredo from a box is pretty bad, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Of late I am finding that my favorite uniform is a nice suit. I especially like it when a white guy can rock a purple shirt. Not sure why. The black guys always can.


I like a guy who can rock a suit. I see so many men in my city wearing ill-fitting suits. Go to a tailor! It's not terribly expensive, and it makes a HUGE difference.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> And fettuccini alfredo from a box is pretty bad, too.


That always mkes me :scratchhead: ...in the time it takes to boil the water for the noodles and then the noodles and then rinse and drain them I can have a top notch alfredo sauce made from scratch. Melt butter, add minced garlic, flour for your roux, cream, salt/pepper, parm cheese...done


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> That always mkes me :scratchhead: ...in the time it takes to boil the water for the noodles and then the noodles and then rinse and drain them I can have a top notch alfredo sauce made from scratch. Melt butter, add minced garlic, flour for your roux, cream, salt/pepper, parm cheese...done


I know... an an attempt to save money/not waste stuff (I'm reading YOU On a Diet right now, and will be doing an entire kitchen purge when I'm done reading it), I'm eating up stuff I already have rather than buying a whole bunch of stuff and/or throwing stuff in my pantry away. And I've had this box of Chicken Helper for ages, and I was like, why not?

It's about three meals worth, after I added a whole bunch of broccoli in a vain attempt to make it somewhat healthy. I'll eat it, but I'm not going to enjoy it. Luckily, my sinuses are acting up and I can't taste much right now anyway. 

I also have a box of Hamburger Helper on the shelf and a pack of ground turkey in the fridge... for tomorrow night :/


----------



## bandit.45

Another Planet said:


> That always mkes me :scratchhead: ...in the time it takes to boil the water for the noodles and then the noodles and then rinse and drain them I can have a top notch alfredo sauce made from scratch. Melt butter, add minced garlic, flour for your roux, cream, salt/pepper, parm cheese...done


Yeah....well good for you Perfect Pants...

Get your ass over here and cook me something to eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Since I am kind of broke (and completely unmotivated to cook) my current "feed thyself" system is to eat yogurt/fruit for breakfast, then go to a bomb-ass restaurant with good specials price-wise for lunch, and then for dinner more yogurt/fruit. 

Today's lunch was ceviche with avocado and fresh warm tortilla chips. Only seven dollars! Nom nom nom. 

One day I swear I'll learn to cook for one besides smoothies, yogurt/fruit, and steak/baked potato. Pretty much the three meals in my repertoire.

For the record - love me some Rice a Roni taste-wise but all the salt makes me bloat. It tastes great with green Tabasco!


----------



## bandit.45

Try an avocado slice sandwiched between two banana slices. I don't know why, but the combination of those two flavors is delicious. Try it. Trust me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Just got caught up on all the singles of TAM backlog. 

So many thoughts but in the interest of time and not repeating all of the already insightful commentary - romantic relationships take a lot of time, energy, and work. I am so not "there" - yet. 

Feels like if I want to meet the kind of high quality individual I want to be with, I first have to make sure I am at my absolute best. I've been spending a lot of time developing myself mentally, physically, and emotionally while climbing the career ladder. 

So far, I'm enjoying myself more than I have in ages! Would be nice to have a FWB situation but I feel like it would derail me from my goals. I'm having a really good run on "me time" now so makes sense to just stay the course.


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah....well good for you Perfect Pants...
> 
> Get your ass over here and cook me something to eat.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just told you how to do it  Women love a good cook


----------



## RandomDude

in the airport right now, still poisoned bah! I hope my vacation ain't spent in a hotel taking medicine


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Why do women seem to like military men, police officers, firemen, and musicians so much?
> Or is it just one of those things that it only gets noticed out of the norm because it is so cliche? One of those fantasy things.
> No one ever says "man I got the hots for insurance salesmen" lol


I don't. Most I've met have huge power trip issues. Turns me off from the whole uniform look.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> That always mkes me :scratchhead: ...in the time it takes to boil the water for the noodles and then the noodles and then rinse and drain them I can have a top notch alfredo sauce made from scratch. Melt butter, add minced garlic, flour for your roux, cream, salt/pepper, parm cheese...done


OMG. You know what a roux is and can make one? AND...you refinish furniture? (And soooooo cute.) You're gonna have to clone yourself or something. It's just not fair to the rest of us that your gf gets you all to herself Perfect Pants.


----------



## firebelly1

bandit.45 said:


> Purple clashes with fish belly complexion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit - you CAN rock purple. It just has to be the right shade. Get yourself some green, rectangle glasses, grow a Hipster beard, and carry around a starbucks travel coffee mug. You would fit right in in Seattle. That and a degree in computer engineering and you are set. You can eat at the organic, vegan, locally grown breakfast bar. Doesn't that all sound right up your alley?


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> in the airport right now, still poisoned bah! I hope my vacation ain't spent in a hotel taking medicine


Is FWB going with you? She can hold your barf bag.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Umm, yeah! They're like... real-life heroes, and worthy of respect. Yeah! Respect! Except, maybe the musicians...


Hey!! Musicians can be heroes too.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Today marks 9 years since my father passed away. It's crazy to think that it's been 9 years already, when I look back.

Hard to imagine what 9 years ahead will look like.


----------



## Healer

So my kids are aware I'm dating, and they tease me about it sometimes. My daughter (7) will say "ewwwww, dada _likes_ someone, ewwwww!!!". It's pretty cute.

Anyway yesterday I go to pick them up in my car, and the front seat is moved back.

My son (9): Dad, why is the seat so far back?

Me: Someone was sitting in it.

Son: Who?

Me: A friend.

Son: A _girl_?

Me: yes.

Son: Did you kiss her?

Me: Yes

Son: On the lips??

Me: Yes, is that OK with you?

Son: I guess, as long as you brush your teeth before you kiss us!!


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> Today marks 9 years since my father passed away. It's crazy to think that it's been 9 years already, when I look back.
> 
> Hard to imagine what 9 years ahead will look like.


Alwyas remember the wonderful times you shared together and be happy for them


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> I just told you how to do it  Women love a good cook


Wha is better than a good cook? A good cook in military uniform!


Yeah, he is a good cook (so he says), was in a rescue submarine 4 man crew.... anyway. Good morning all


----------



## FeministInPink

So, we're always talking about "love yourself first" and "take care of yourself." So, I came across this article and thought that I would share:

30 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Be Good To Yourself


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> OMG. You know what a roux is and can make one? AND...you refinish furniture? (And soooooo cute.) You're gonna have to clone yourself or something. It's just not fair to the rest of us that your gf gets you all to herself Perfect Pants.


Lol Thanks you but I don't think the world could handle two of me


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, we're always talking about "love yourself first" and "take care of yourself." So, I came across this article and thought that I would share:
> 
> 30 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Be Good To Yourself


I am sick and tired of trying to love myself! UGH!!! I go overboard all the time, seriously overboard. I lacked self esteem, I began to improve myself and now I have feelings of superiority (yeah, some of them are because I feel insecure... but I still think I am pretty fvcking awesome)
I so totally need balance...
Oh and I have a boyfriend, navy guy.



Another Planet said:


> Lol Thanks you but I don't think the world could handle two of me


:iagree:


----------



## bandit.45

firebelly1 said:


> Bandit - you CAN rock purple. It just has to be the right shade. Get yourself some green, rectangle glasses, grow a Hipster beard, and carry around a starbucks travel coffee mug. You would fit right in in Seattle. That and a degree in computer engineering and you are set. You can eat at the organic, vegan, locally grown breakfast bar. Doesn't that all sound right up your alley?


I like vegetarians. 

They're delicious.


----------



## bandit.45

There's a Roosevelt elk in Washington with my name on him. Gotta plan that hunt soon.


----------



## Another Planet

Well geez that's kind of disheartening

Science Says to Make a Woman Orgasm You Need to Be Rich, Funny, and Good Looking | VICE | United States


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Well geez that's kind of disheartening
> 
> Science Says to Make a Woman Orgasm You Need to Be Rich, Funny, and Good Looking | VICE | United States



Neither rich nor funny does anything for me. Hot, smart, confident...that's another story.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Neither rich nor funny does anything for me. Hot, smart, confident...that's another story.


Yeah it was just an article I came across. Everyone is different for the most part.


----------



## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Neither rich nor funny does anything for me. Hot, smart, confident...that's another story.


Well, hot smart and confident tend to go along with those aforementioned attributes.


----------



## moxy

Another Planet said:


> Yeah it was just an article I came across. Everyone is different for the most part.



I like the article and didn't mean to pick at it or knock it. Just throwing in a few words that I like because I'm feeling gregarious.  And, of course...rich and funny certainly don't hurt.


----------



## RandomDude

In so much pain on my vacation!  FWB feels horruble about it so I try to hide my symptoms, fking food poisoning


----------



## Ikaika

Today would have been my sister's birthday.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Ikaika said:


> Today would have been my sister's birthday.


I feel you. As I mentioned yesterday, it marked 9 years since my fathers death. Tomorrow would've been his birthday.


----------



## Ikaika

06Daddio08 said:


> I feel you. As I mentioned yesterday, it marked 9 years since my fathers death. Tomorrow would've been his birthday.



Sorry to hear.


----------



## FeministInPink

Thinking about you both.


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> In so much pain on my vacation!  FWB feels horruble about it so I try to hide my symptoms, fking food poisoning


You might want to get checked out at this point...sounds like it is lingering a little longer then it should have. 3 days later isn't good


----------



## moxy

Wishing all of you strength and peace and comfort today.


----------



## firebelly1

Ummm...okay NE. You just threw that one out there...Navy Guy is now your boyfriend? What happened?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I am sick and tired of trying to love myself! UGH!!! I go overboard all the time, seriously overboard. I lacked self esteem, I began to improve myself and now I have feelings of superiority (yeah, some of them are because I feel insecure... but I still think I am pretty fvcking awesome)
> I so totally need balance...
> Oh and I have a boyfriend, navy guy.


Feelings of superiority? I am glad you are feeling better about yourself NE but don't let it go to your head...that would be arrogance and is not a pretty trait. Makes a pretty/handsome person turn ugly very quickly.

You are who you need to be in this moment, and always work towards who you want to be in the future.


----------



## Fenix

Another Planet said:


> You might want to get checked out at this point...sounds like it is lingering a little longer then it should have. 3 days later isn't good


Agree. You are probably dehydrated by now.


----------



## RandomDude

Went to see a doctor who subscribed me a whole bunch of medicine and with FWB calling me a big baby with all my groaning bah! Oh well, better now, good timing too cause conference is tonight


----------



## firebelly1

I have been "unfriending" and "friending" my ex on Facebook periodically based on whether he's dating someone who's posting pictures of the two of them. 

Last time I unfriended him this woman posted pictures of the two of them hiking. Occasionally there's something funny I want to send him on FB so I would check his page to see if there were any signs of her. Hasn't been any signs of her or anyone else for a while so I friended him again to send him a sports clip. He said "Oh, you must be dating someone if you're friending me again." 

Our two-year separation and attempt at reconciliation finally bit the dust in June of this year and I told him that I didn't want to hear about who he was dating and I didn't want to tell him about my dating life.

Occasionally things happen that I WOULD like to share with him just to get at him. It would be pretty sweet to be able to say, "Oh yeah, had a threesome this weekend - another girl and a guy friend of hers. Bet you would have liked to have done that when we were married. Oh well." But A) when I asked him if he'd wanted to have a threesome when we were married he said "No" so took the wind out of my sails, and B) It still hurts to hear that he's dating someone. It occurred to me lately that one sign of me being ready to be in another relationship is when him dating doesn't bother me anymore.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Firebelly, he is your ex husband so why dont you just text or call him? There is no need to keep friending on FB. 

Why do you feel this need to keep in contact with him anyway?


----------



## firebelly1

Because I'm lazy. If there's a clip on FB I just want to be able to "share" and not take the extra steps of attaching it to a text message. 

Hm...do I feel the "need" to connect with him? It's just...he's the one who will get THIS joke. Or, when I'm watching a Seahawks game, he will share my frustration at the defense letting the other team's guys through. There are still things we share. Plus, he's expressed an interest in being in my kids' lives even though they are not his own and I don't want to damage that.


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Because I'm lazy. If there's a clip on FB I just want to be able to "share" and not take the extra steps of attaching it to a text message.
> 
> Hm...do I feel the "need" to connect with him? It's just...he's the one who will get THIS joke. Or, when I'm watching a Seahawks game, he will share my frustration at the defense letting the other team's guys through. There are still things we share. Plus, he's expressed an interest in being in my kids' lives even though they are not his own and I don't want to damage that.


 excuses. Being in any form of unhealthy relationship can be damaging to your kids


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> Because I'm lazy. If there's a clip on FB I just want to be able to "share" and not take the extra steps of attaching it to a text message.
> *
> Hm...do I feel the "need" to connect with him? It's just...he's the one who will get THIS joke. Or, when I'm watching a Seahawks game, he will share my frustration at the defense letting the other team's guys through. There are still things we share*. Plus, he's expressed an interest in being in my kids' lives even though they are not his own and I don't want to damage that.


Yeah, but part of him being an EX is having to let go of this stuff. This is an unhealthy attachment to him still, you should not be feeling the need to share with him any more, or if you DO feel that, you dont actually do it. If he wants to continue a relationship with your kids, then he will do so, regardless of the dynamic between you. Do keep in mind though that whenever you get into a serious, committed relationship with a new man, him still being in your kids' lives will very likely not be welcomed by the new man.


----------



## firebelly1

Why is this unhealthy? We are two people who still care about each other. We just aren't good as a couple. Isn't it healthier to be friendly toward someone than cut them out of your life completely?

Lives and relationships are complicated. A new man in my life would need to accept that my ex still talks to my kids occasionally. He may not be comfortable with whatever contact I have with the ex and we could negotiate that. Me being able to send him football clips isn't that important. But I don't agree that staying friends with an ex is unhealthy.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes it is in my opinion, as you two are playing FB games with each other with good o' jealousy


----------



## RandomDude

But hey I dunno, im used to my drama free FWB relationship now, quite happy to have brought her along, man I get fking horny on vacation


----------



## Another Planet

firebelly1 said:


> Why is this unhealthy? We are two people who still care about each other. We just aren't good as a couple. Isn't it healthier to be friendly toward someone than cut them out of your life completely?
> 
> Lives and relationships are complicated. A new man in my life would need to accept that my ex still talks to my kids occasionally. He may not be comfortable with whatever contact I have with the ex and we could negotiate that. Me being able to send him football clips isn't that important. But I don't agree that staying friends with an ex is unhealthy.


The main thing I can point out is you are keeping a place in your heart and your life for him that won't be accessible to a new person to come into. If you do have a new person with really great potential you might blow it because you are going to need to spend time cleaning up your loose ends. 
And yes I am sure you can make all the excuses in the world to convince yourself and anyone else that what you are doing is appropriate. Just the fact you are trying to convince us it is ok shows me you still have some corners of yourself reserved for your ex yet. 

TRUST me it is so MUCH easier to have all those details worked out sooner then later. But in the end it is really up to your new partner whether he even wants to deal with it or not. Wouldn't you rather be sure you don't really have anything for them to worry about?


----------



## Another Planet

For the record honestly there is nothing wrong with it if that is what you want you just have to be accepting of the fact of what it actually is and don't lie to yourself.


----------



## firebelly1

Another Planet said:


> The main thing I can point out is you are keeping a place in your heart and your life for him that won't be accessible to a new person to come into. If you do have a new person with really great potential you might blow it because you are going to need to spend time cleaning up your loose ends.
> And yes I am sure you can make all the excuses in the world to convince yourself and anyone else that what you are doing is appropriate. Just the fact you are trying to convince us it is ok shows me you still have some corners of yourself reserved for your ex yet.
> 
> TRUST me it is so MUCH easier to have all those details worked out sooner then later. But in the end it is really up to your new partner whether he even wants to deal with it or not. Wouldn't you rather be sure you don't really have anything for them to worry about?


Well...I appreciate the concern. But I'm not making any real effort to try and convince you. And there is no special place in my heart for my ex. Literally all the contact we have is Words with Friends, the occasional funny FB post and chat about the kids. Knowing what I know, I'm okay with how things are and am confident that the threads of contact I have with him are in no way a threat to a new guy. 

And to RD's point about jealousy games on FB - it isn't. We aren't purposely trying to hurt each other on FB. When his hiking date posted her photos he texted me right away to say sorry - he didn't know she was going to post them. I believe him. Neither one of us is inclined to post things on FB about our dating lives ourselves. 

I will make this gentle suggestion AP - not everyone breaks up in a horrible way. Neither of us cheated on the other. There has never been any knock-down, drag-out fights in our relationship. We just were not compatible as a couple. It doesn't mean we can't be friends. If I am hurt by seeing evidence of him dating it isn't so much about my desire for HIM, it's just a reminder of all the things I lost in the divorce and the fear I have that I won't ever find someone again. Maybe it's hard to understand that - but it's not because I'm in love with him anymore. I'm not.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I believe exes can be friends, sure. I know a couple people who are on amicable terms with their exes and one guy I know even chats with his ex wife's new husband on occasion. When the kids are exchanged (new husband at times will drop off his step-son when his mother is at work). He's even told me that he doesn't mind his ex wife's new husband, feels he's a good guy and can be a role model for his son.

You stated in one of your posts that your ex dating still bothers you, which means you haven't reached indifference. That takes time. So the whole Facebook friending / unfriending doesn't need to happen until you are indifferent to reading posts about your ex and his girlfriend(s) going hiking or bragging about their exploits in life.

I personally cannot do it. I had to remove the girl I was dating for 2 months from Facebook because I know myself. I can't read all of her posts about bettering herself, what she thinks of relationships (and how they should be) and other various things. At the same time though, if she's improving on herself personally, that's great. I'm happy for her. I just cannot put myself in that situation as I'm working on getting over her and moving on. 

As for my ex wife. I removed her and her entire family one drunk Saturday evening, the next day she signed onto Facebook for the first time in 6-8 months, changed her status to single and my phone blew up with questions. This was about a month or so after initial separation.

Good ol' Facebook. If left unattended, it's just a revolving door of drama and bullsh!t. Which is why mine went from 250 "friends" down to 98. Even then, I'm sure it could be trimmed a bit.


----------



## RandomDude

Indifference - as cardio mentioned that's the point you need to reach with your ex before any friendship is attempted, like hell if ex posts a photo with her n another guy at this point of time I would be celebrating! Not asking her to remove the photo etc


----------



## RandomDude

Big day out today! Yet why do i feel like fking all day instead? Bah!


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Indifference - as cardio mentioned that's the point you need to reach with your ex before any friendship is attempted, like hell if ex posts a photo with her n another guy at this point of time I would be celebrating! Not asking her to remove the photo etc


Totally agree with the above. Also, I don't think AP was suggestion everyone hates their ex - just that part of healing from a relationship meltdown is cutting some of the bs out of our lives. 

I've deleted pretty much every guy I've dated from social media because we weren't really friends - at least in the true sense of the word. I mean I could stay friendly and send them notes and game requests, but why? Feels like I'd be wasting at least a small chunk of up my precious time - so bye bye they go. Plenty of legit friends I would rather spend my energy and efforts on. There's one guy I used to date that I genuinely like so we are still social media friendly, although our interaction is pretty much limited to commenting on our favorite sports teams and new restaurants we've tried. No private messaging either. 

Sunday is my self improvement day. Weight Watchers, therapy, and of course an amazing brunch spread I enjoyed with a dear friend. Fried chicken sandwiches with dill coleslaw and rose syrup champagne drinkies. Yum yum. Of course this was right after my weight loss meeting. :rofl: At least we walked to the restaurant - round trip about 3 miles. Not bad.


----------



## moxy

Rose syrup anything sounds yummy. Sounds like a pleasant Sunday, brave.


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> Rose syrup anything sounds yummy. Sounds like a pleasant Sunday, brave.


It was a really nice (and yummy) Sunday! I haven't been drinking lately because of marathon training, so one glass of champy went straight to the head lol! Good thing we walked!


----------



## FeministInPink

The thread has been really quiet this weekend...

I went to a friend's party on Friday night. It was mostly couples, but there was one single guy there, and he was cute. After the party, a whole bunch of us decided to go out. The guy wasn't going with us, but was meeting up with some friends elsewhere, which was on our way. The party planner convinced the guy to ride with me, while everyone rode in the other car. Before I dropped him off, he said he thought I was a nice and pretty girl, and could he get my number? I gave it to him, and I might go out with him once or twice, just for the hell of it. 

But I can't see anything really happening, LTR-wise, with this guy. He's seems kind of full of himself (although he did seem to drop that pretense when we were alone in my car), and he has a dealer (weed). Even though MJ is now legal in the great District of Columbia, I don't think I can get behind dating someone who has a dealer.

Even so, that was a nice little feather in my cap... I don't get hit on very often. It was nice. Even if he doesn't text/call, it was still nice that someone asked for my number


----------



## Healer

I had my second date with Malta girl Saturday. Have to say, I like this girl. I have a thing for women from certain parts of Europe - the ones that are passionate and cultured really light it up for me. And she's definitely that.

Me being so guarded and jaded, I was a bit thrown when I found myself wanting to hold her hand (it was slippery out and she had on little shoes, so it was a great excuse) and opening the car door and shutting it and stuff like that. And she likes it too.

I took her to see me play - I just did a few tunes. I was a little nervous and not as on my game as usual as I haven't played live in almost 2 months. But it was still good. Our initial plan was to do that, then dinner then a movie. She hinted we didn't have to go to the movie and didn't have to stay downtown for supper. I read this and took a chance and said we could go back to my place. She said yes.

She spent the night and we had a nice morning together as well. I feel very affectionate towards her, which again, throws me for a loop. We were very cuddly and held each other tight all night (puke, I know). Driving her home she asked when she could see me again. I said I was free Monday and Tuesday and the weekend. She works Tuesday and said Monday is her "to do list day" so I said no worries, whatever works for you. She paused then said "I don't want to wait until the weekend to see you, how about tomorrow?" (Monday). I said sure. She said "what should we do?". I'm thinking I'd like to just hang at hers or mine, not go out anywhere. I said "Hmmm. Not sure..." Then she says "well, I have Netflix at my place.". Haha! That's my line. My kinda girl.

So I'm sleeping over tonight and will go to work from hers - which is cool because I work a few minutes away. Unfortunately I can't seem to sleep a wink with a woman in my bed anymore. Her? She slept like a baby. 

Haven't dug a woman this much since splitting with the ex - save for one woman very early on who I was thought I liked a lot, but it was the novelty of the new and her hotness. But it's been 2 years now and I've dated a fair bit - just never connected really. I freaked a little bit this morning, thinking "don't get too close - you must protect yourself!! Don't leave yourself open!". So I need to find a middle ground and be somewhat open and affectionate and giving, but be prepared that things could fizzle in a heartbeat, and that's OK. I'll be fine either way. But I can't be a totally closed book like I have been. I have to let myself be a little bit vulnerable, I suppose.

I just need to enjoy it for what it is - for however long it lasts, or does't last. Right? ****, it's like learning to walk all over again.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I just need to enjoy it for what it is - for however long it lasts, or does't last. Right? ****, *it's like learning to walk all over again*.


It really is! I feel like an awkward 14-year-old again (complete with re-living all the insecurities of my 14-year-old self). I have to constantly remind myself that I'm NOT my 14-year-old self; I am a beautiful, confident, accomplished, vibrant woman.

Granted, I am a beautiful, confident, accomplished, vibrant woman who doesn't know WTH she's doing when it comes to the opposite sex! Oh, well! Baby steps


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Then she says "well, I have Netflix at my place.". Haha! That's my line. My kinda girl.


Cute.


----------



## movealong

HS hosted a dinner party Saturday to introduce me to her friends and to her sister. It went really well and everyone had a nice evening. We spent the entire weekend together and my daughter has now been formally introduced to my "girlfriend" and has given her stamp of approval. 

There is definite LTR potential, and the chemistry is awesome. I am feeling good about it all. No rush to the alter, no rush to move in together, just enjoying each other's company as time allows. 

Holidays are going to be spent with each other where possible and include meeting "some" extended family due to it being the holidays and meeting family is unavoidable, lol!


----------



## Jellybeans

Did you wear something nice?


----------



## hope4family

I think I may have fell for a girl I shall nickname. "The Kraken." 

Amazing chemistry, amazing female, takes a lot for me to say that.


----------



## movealong

Jellybeans said:


> Did you wear something nice?


I wore a nice sweater and blue jeans. I looked good. 

I was teasing her about whether I should rent a tux or not, lol! We did have fun cooking together and preparing for everyone to arrive. It turned in to a very relaxed and fun get together.


----------



## Healer

hope4family said:


> I think I may have fell for a girl I shall nickname. "The Kraken."
> 
> Amazing chemistry, amazing female, takes a lot for me to say that.


Lol @ "The Kraken". And good on ya. I get the whole "takes a lot for me to say that" thing.


----------



## Jellybeans

movealong said:


> I wore a nice sweater and blue jeans. I looked good.


:smthumbup:



hope4family said:


> I think I may have fell for a girl I shall nickname. "The Kraken."


The Kraken. Hilarious.

Looks like there's a bit of love in the air for the men of Singles. Woo hoo.


----------



## ne9907

hope4family said:


> I think I may have fell for a girl I shall nickname. "*The Kraken."*
> 
> Amazing chemistry, amazing female, takes a lot for me to say that.


haha
why the kraken? is it because it is legendary or because it makes you happy like the rum? or both??

I had an amazing weekend~ and more soul searching!

Have any of you delved into the reason (if you are) you lack emotional connectivity with people?


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> The Kraken. Hilarious.
> 
> Looks like there's a bit of love in the air for the men of Singles. Woo hoo.


Easy there, young lady. I wouldn't say love. I wouldn't just say "like" though either. I'd say I _like_ her like her.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> I had my second date with Malta girl Saturday. Have to say, I like this girl. I have a thing for women from certain parts of Europe - the ones that are passionate and cultured really light it up for me. And she's definitely that.
> .


Is this the same girl who is 10 years younger that you made out with? If not, will you keep seeing the younger girl too?


----------



## bandit.45

Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM. 

It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


----------



## firebelly1

I had a date with a guy on Saturday who lives 4 hours away. We met on Halloween at a party here in Calgary. I have continued thinking about a thread conversation I had last week where samyeager admonished me to not settle for a man that I am not wildly attracted to. I am NOT wildly physically attracted to this guy although the sex is pretty good. In lots of other ways I think we are compatible and so I've wondered if he is LTR material or not. At this point I'm open to seeing if he grows on me although I think the long distance thing by itself is unworkable.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


Why, Bandit? I know we don't all always get along, but you're a valued member of our little TAM community.


----------



## Ikaika

bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.



Happy trails, good luck on your continued sojourn and as always Malama Pono.


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> haha
> why the kraken? is it because it is legendary or because it makes you happy like the rum? or both??
> 
> I had an amazing weekend~ and more soul searching!
> 
> *Have any of you delved into the reason (if you are) you lack emotional connectivity with people?*


Yes, I was even making a joke about it this weekend. 

h4f "Why do I either make good friends with counselors or people who have been baker acted?" 

friend "What do you mean, I have been baker acted."

(Pause)

both "lolz"



ne9907 said:


> haha
> why the kraken? is it because it is legendary or because it makes you happy like the rum? or both??
> [/B]


The Kraken is the tattoo that is encompassing her whole back. The rest though could also be true. I am actually calling that because I can't remember her name. 

I will some up my weekend. I literally had females I danced with that I do not remember dancing with but apparently blew their mind. This shocks me, because um...I wasn't drunk, but I barely slept at all. 

Good news, the Kraken is from in town. 

If you want to talk about your connection issues more. PM me. It is something I am working really hard on.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Why, Bandit? I know we don't all always get along, but you're a valued member of our little TAM community.


Even though we don't agree on a lot of things you have always had my respect. 

Just time for me to move on. I've been here too long.


----------



## bandit.45

Ikaika said:


> Happy trails, good luck on your continued sojourn and as always Malama Pono.


Aloha. Thanks.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


Fer real?

If so, take care bandit and thanks for the many many votes of confidence you've given me over the last couple years here. Your straightforward advice to me and others has always helped me keep a healthy perspective of things.

Hope you find true happiness too friend!

(But you'll be back)


----------



## bravenewworld

bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


Good luck Bandit! Picturing you riding off into the sunset, maybe with a tip of the hat. Vaya con Dios.

Happiness is a mood I'm lucky enough to catch somewhat regularly. But I have found peace, and am thankful for that.


----------



## ne9907

bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


We are going to miss you, but life changes, and we must do that as well~

Stay gold Ponyboy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


Aw, B, seriously?  You will be missed!


----------



## ne9907

hope4family said:


> The Kraken is the tattoo that is encompassing her whole back. The rest though could also be true. *I am actually calling that because I can't remember her name. *
> 
> I will some up my weekend. I literally had females I danced with that I do not remember dancing with but apparently blew their mind. This shocks me, because um...I wasn't drunk, but I barely slept at all.
> 
> Good news, the Kraken is from in town.
> 
> If you want to talk about your connection issues more. PM me. It is something I am working really hard on.


Dude!! How can you might have fallen for her and yet you dont rememeber her name? lol

I would like to order one of you please!


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> Dude!! How can you might have fallen for her and yet you dont rememeber her name? lol
> 
> I would like to order one of you please!


Names are unimportant when it comes down to it. What's important is that on top of jiving on the dance floor, we both seem to get each others humor like it's second nature. 

I could cut the chemistry with a knife. 

The name thing is just a volume of people thing. Right now she could have the same name as my ex, and it wouldn't make a difference. 

Oh and as far as I know, I am the last of my kind and unspoken for.


----------



## moxy

Bandit, we will miss you.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Is this the same girl who is 10 years younger that you made out with? If not, will you keep seeing the younger girl too?


Yes, same girl. I had a date with a really cool gal Friday as well - but after what went down Saturday I will not pursue her. Even though I didn't I probably would've dated other women while "seeing" the woman who I was just sleeping with. But this feels more like a potential relationship...I wouldn't feel right doing that.

So in other words, unless something changes (i.e. this current thing fizzles away), I'll just be seeing this woman. Kinda hoping she becomes my girlfriend. We'll see!


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I had a date with a guy on Saturday who *lives 4 hours away*. We met on Halloween at a party here in Calgary. I have continued thinking about a thread conversation I had last week where samyeager admonished me to not settle for a man that I am not wildly attracted to. *I am NOT wildly physically attracted to this guy* although the *sex is pretty good*. In lots of other ways I think we are compatible and so I've wondered if he is LTR material or not. At this point I'm open to seeing if he grows on me although I think the long distance thing by itself is unworkable.


Sounds like a lot of settling to do, FB. Just my $0.02.


----------



## ne9907

Someone pass me the popcorn!!!

I am reading a FB battle going on haha. It is funny! 
Why do people not delete "friends" who are clearly toxic?


----------



## Healer

The gal from Friday is texting me - she's interested. I may be getting ahead of myself with the European gal (I'll call her Malta). But the vibe I get from her is strong. She also just texted saying she can't wait to see me tonight.

Not that I was planning to, but I couldn't see the other one until Friday anyway (she has her kid). I think I should see how tonight goes and feel it out - maybe get a sense if she's looking for something exclusive (I hope she is). And it feels that way. But until I find out where she stands maybe I won't kibosh the other woman (guitar-girl) just yet.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> Someone pass me the popcorn!!!
> 
> I am reading a FB battle going on haha. It is funny!
> Why do people not delete "friends" who are clearly toxic?


Some people love drama, good or bad. I like to keep FB stuff light hearted. No politics or *****ing about my ex or whatever. It's for humor, amusement and music/art sharing. And creeping hot women.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Some people love drama, good or bad. I like to keep FB stuff light hearted. No politics or *****ing about my ex or whatever. It's for humor, amusement and music/art sharing. And creeping hot women.


the drama involves a man called "Irish." You never heard of him, but I have been basically stringing along since May.
One of the main reasons I chose not to pursue anything with him (and be his friend instead) was that he had a lot of drama in his life. He apparently still does. 
I am very judgemental (a bad habit) but if I do not put my drama on FB neither should you, especially if you have any romantic interest toward me. 
I delete him as a friend.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> the drama involves a man called "Irish." You never heard of him, but I have been basically stringing along since May.
> One of the main reasons I chose not to pursue anything with him (and be his friend instead) was that he had a lot of drama in his life. He apparently still does.
> I am very judgemental (a bad habit) but if I do not put my drama on FB neither should you, especially if you have any romantic interest toward me.
> I delete him as a friend.


Adios, Irish!


----------



## Healer

Now I'm getting sweet texts from Malta. Can't wait to see me tonight, needs cuddles etc. OMG I'm a goner.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Now I'm getting sweet texts from Malta. Can't wait to see me tonight, needs cuddles etc. OMG I'm a goner.


Dude, are you like hot, rich, or have a big d!ck?

Or am I just too timid texting men?


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> Dude, are you like hot, rich, or have a big d!ck?
> 
> Or am I just too timid texting men?


I don't know what the hell is going on. Ever since the divorce was finalized...things seemed to have...picked up. I must be secreting something into the air from my nether regions or something.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Even though we don't agree on a lot of things you have always had my respect.
> 
> Just time for me to move on. I've been here too long.


Right back at you.

I sometimes think the same... TAM has offered me a lot of support over the last two years, but I may be moving on at some point soon, as well. This is the only thread I read anymore, and I don't really have the patience for a lot of other threads to read OR respond.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> Right back at you.
> 
> I sometimes think the same... TAM has offered me a lot of support over the last two years, but I may be moving on at some point soon, as well. This is the only thread I read anymore, and I don't really have the patience for a lot of other threads to read OR respond.


Since I've been TAM'ing (yes, it's a verb) I've noticed some of the regulars around the time of my initiation starting to post with much less frequency before completely drifting away. Pretty sure they got what they needed and have moved on. Awakening2012 and 2galsmom springs to mind. Got a lot of good advice/support from them and hope they are well. 

TAM is an awesome community - but I think there's only so many postings one can read/advise on about sexless marriage situations and getting dumped by the hot new young thang.


----------



## Healer

Re: leaving...I used to post a lot in the CWI section. Now that my divorce is final, I rarely go in there. So, yeah, I can see how/why people move on. 

If/when I get a steady, I can't see the need to come in here as often. I hope everyone who leaves finds or found what they were looking for.


----------



## ne9907

It is nice to take a break. I know on my part, I have been obsessed with LAD for a while. Whenever I read the CWI section, I get frustrated because it is soo simply (now) to see the truth and I wonder why people stay in bad marriages. 

This past weekend, i had tremedous fun, I did not miss TAM at all. I think for some of us, we need the affirmation TAM gives to us.


----------



## Ikaika

If anyone wants to know, the true graveyard of TAM, LTSiM. :rofl: after that, one should exit gracefully


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> It is nice to take a break. I know on my part, I have been obsessed with LAD for a while. Whenever I read the CWI section, I get frustrated because it is soo simply (now) to see the truth and *I wonder why people stay in bad marriages. *
> 
> This past weekend, i had tremedous fun, I did not miss TAM at all. I think for some of us, we need the affirmation TAM gives to us.


All of us stayed in bad marriages longer than we needed to. Don't forget what it was like, or you might be doomed to repeat your mistakes....


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> If anyone wants to know, the true graveyard of TAM, *LTSiM.* :rofl: after that, one should exit gracefully


???

I'm missing something.


----------



## ne9907

Ok singles here is something rouchy to lighten up the day!

never mind haha~


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> ???
> 
> 
> 
> I'm missing something.



http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showpost.php?p=2044057


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Mr. and Mrs. Drerio's Journey


Ahhh... *L*ong *T*erm *S*uccess *i*n *M*arriage.

Yes... one would hope, as I do. I just have to find him first.


----------



## movealong

So I send a very friendly email to my XW to confirm plans for our daughter for the holidays. After I make several suggestions and ask for her feedback, I get back an email that says "Whatever you two want to do is fine with me." The temptation was there but I refrained from saying the first sarcastic thing that came to mind.

Meh, it gives me more time with my daughter, so if that is how she feels, I'll take it.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> So I send a very friendly email to my XW to confirm plans for our daughter for the holidays. After I make several suggestions and ask for her feedback, I get back an email that says "Whatever you two want to do is fine with me." The temptation was there but I refrained from saying the first sarcastic thing that came to mind.
> 
> Meh, it gives me more time with my daughter, so if that is how she feels, I'll take it.


Hey, at least she's not being difficult. It could be a LOT worse.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

movealong said:


> So I send a very friendly email to my XW to confirm plans for our daughter for the holidays. After I make several suggestions and ask for her feedback, I get back an email that says "Whatever you two want to do is fine with me." The temptation was there but I refrained from saying the first sarcastic thing that came to mind.
> 
> Meh, it gives me more time with my daughter, so if that is how she feels, I'll take it.


The last thing you want to do is to be sarcastic here...take this and run with it!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I just got my first rando email from a guy on MeetUp. I guess some people in DC do treat it like a dating site???


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> So, I just got my first rando email from a guy on MeetUp. I guess some people in DC do treat it like a dating site???


I thought getting singles together was its primary purpose...??


----------



## moxy

I did not know MeetUp was a dating site. I thought it was just a place to meet new friends.


----------



## movealong

I considered meetup to be a single's site that got "groups" of singles together to enhance the chances of meeting someone special, I didn't think of it like match or zoosk.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I thought getting singles together was its primary purpose...??





moxy said:


> I did not know MeetUp was a dating site. I thought it was just a place to meet new friends.


No, it's not a dating site... it's a platform to facilitate activities and social groups.

According to the MeetUp About page:
"Meetup is the world's largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face. More than 9,000 groups get together in local communities each day, each one with the goal of improving themselves or their communities.

"Meetup's mission is to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference."

In DC, there are TONS of MeetUp groups that have nothing to do with dating, or singles meeting singles (although there are some singles-oriented groups). It's like extracurricular activities for adults.

I belong to a karaoke meetup, an Italian language/culture meetup, a hiking meetup, several writing and/or book club meetups, a Fresh start (recently divorced) meetup, etc. etc...

I also belong to several singles meetups, none of which I have ever attended.


----------



## FeministInPink

And Rando guy asked me to meet for lunch sometime. Turns out he works like a block from where I work. I have a hard time getting away from work for lunch, so I suggested drinks or coffee after work instead.


----------



## ne9907

I have tried meetup groups, but I simply do not like them. I live in a small place and have to drive an hour to get to the meetups I might enjoy.

Tell me if this is strange
There is a man at work who is younger than me (he is 30, I am 37). He enjoys flirting and being playful. His behavior towards me is playful and sometimes flirty even though he had a serious girlfriend of two years.
Yesterday, he comes to me and told me he and girl broke up. Apparently she was cheating on him and broke it off over a text. 
I do not talk about my personal goings with anyone at work. I found it strange that he should tell me such intimate event.
It just came out of the blue.
Is this strange or not?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I have tried meetup groups, but I simply do not like them. I live in a small place and have to drive an hour to get to the meetups I might enjoy.
> 
> Tell me if this is strange
> There is a man at work who is younger than me (he is 30, I am 37). He enjoys flirting and being playful. His behavior towards me is playful and sometimes flirty even though he had a serious girlfriend of two years.
> Yesterday, he comes to me and told me he and girl broke up. Apparently she was cheating on him and broke it off over a text.
> I do not talk about my personal goings with anyone at work. I found it strange that he should tell me such intimate event.
> It just came out of the blue.
> Is this strange or not?


I dont think its strange. Evidently he needed to talk about it, and sees you as approachable.


----------



## moxy

Why is that strange, ne? Some people are just more open about their lives. He sees you as a friend and so he told you. How did you respond?


----------



## moxy

I am having a rotten day! I think I'll hit the gym and then bed as soon as work ends and tune the rest of the world out for the afternoon.


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> I have tried meetup groups, but I simply do not like them. I live in a small place and have to drive an hour to get to the meetups I might enjoy.
> 
> Tell me if this is strange
> There is a man at work who is younger than me (he is 30, I am 37). He enjoys flirting and being playful. His behavior towards me is playful and sometimes flirty even though he had a serious girlfriend of two years.
> Yesterday, he comes to me and told me he and girl broke up. Apparently she was cheating on him and broke it off over a text.
> I do not talk about my personal goings with anyone at work. I found it strange that he should tell me such intimate event.
> It just came out of the blue.
> Is this strange or not?


Not strange. You are safe to him. 

Does that means he likes or doesn't like you as more then a friend. Don't think it matters. 

Fact is, he trusts you either way with something important in his life. 

Good on you.


----------



## ne9907

Thank you all!

See? I am too emotionally guarded I see bad omens even when people seek help.

I told him how very sorry I was. I asked if he needed anything at all, I would be there. I also mentioned the site to him, but he is not interested in sharing anything with anyone else.


----------



## jpr

Hey ya'll.

I got engaged.

....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.


----------



## Ikaika

jpr said:


> Hey ya'll.
> 
> I got engaged.
> 
> ....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.



Congratulations.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

jpr said:


> Hey ya'll.
> 
> I got engaged.
> 
> ....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.


How exciting! Congrats!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Another Planet

bandit.45 said:


> Just letting you guys know this will be my last day on TAM.
> 
> It's been a hoot. Good luck to all of you and I hope you all find true happiness in your lives.


I wish you luck on your endeavors my friend. 
Come back and visit us some time to tell of your trials and tribulations, like a long traveled old confidante


----------



## Another Planet

jpr said:


> Hey ya'll.
> 
> I got engaged.
> 
> ....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.


:smthumbup: Congrats!


----------



## moxy

jpr said:


> Hey ya'll.
> 
> I got engaged.
> 
> ....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.



Congratulations!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

jpr said:


> Hey ya'll.
> 
> I got engaged.
> 
> ....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.


Congratulations!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Congrats, jpr.



ne9907 said:


> Is this strange or not?


Some people are really open about their personal lives at work so no, it's not strange, for him. I'm guessing you are more private. I am like that, too - I don't do "personal" at work. 

Also, maybe he was trying to see if you would be willing to flirt back now that he's single.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, on Monday, I was feeling like, "I think there's a very good chance that I will be alone forever." (For various reasons, whatever, let's not go into it because it's not worth dissecting.)

~contrast with~

Today is Wednesday, and somehow, with no real work on my own part, I have two different guys lines up for two dates this weekend, one on Friday, and one on Saturday. I pursued neither, they approached me.

How did that happen???

At any rate, I think it's worth the time and effort to go get my legs waxed. Just in case.


----------



## firebelly1

It's because giving up on something often brings it to you.


----------



## ne9907

jpr said:


> Hey ya'll.
> 
> I got engaged.
> 
> ....I've got a fiance now. ...no longer single.


Yay!! Congratulations!!!



FeministInPink said:


> So, on Monday, I was feeling like, "I think there's a very good chance that I will be alone forever." (For various reasons, whatever, let's not go into it because it's not worth dissecting.)
> 
> ~contrast with~
> 
> Today is Wednesday, and somehow, with no real work on my own part, I have two different guys lines up for two dates this weekend, one on Friday, and one on Saturday. I pursued neither, they approached me.
> 
> How did that happen???
> 
> At any rate, I think it's worth the time and effort to go get my legs waxed. Just in case.


:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> It's because giving up on something often brings it to you.


ok I am giving up on being thin, having a nice car, a beautiful home, and a very sexy hot young lover!


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Congrats, jpr.
> 
> 
> 
> Some people are really open about their personal lives at work so no, it's not strange, for him. I'm guessing you are more private. I am like that, too - I don't do "personal" at work.
> 
> Also, maybe he was trying to see if you would be willing to flirt back now that he's single.


I'm the king of TMI at work. I told pretty much everyone my ex cheated on me when that went down. Not sure what's up with that. Guess I'm just an open book. :-\


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I'm the king of TMI at work. I told pretty much everyone my ex cheated on me when that went down. Not sure what's up with that. Guess I'm just an open book. :-\


LOL. I think we're all just built differently. Maybe you felt like you needed to vent, or you just feel more comfortable with sharing that stuff. 

I feel uncomfortable sharing my personal life at work. And the irony is that a lot of my colleagues share very intimate things about their lives with me. I must seem like a good person to talk to. I'm an Aquarius though. Maybe that's it.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> It's because giving up on something often brings it to you.


See, now I said that to a friend a week or two ago, and he told me I was full of sh!t.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I'm the king of TMI at work. I told pretty much everyone my ex cheated on me when that went down. Not sure what's up with that. Guess I'm just an open book. :-\


I can be totally TMI at work, partially because I can't compartmentalize, and so whatever's going on in my personal life spills over and affects other stuff. If my personal life is going down the tubes, my work suffers because I can't focus/concentrate. But when my personal life is going good, I'm a superstar at work.

Luckily, when things are down the middle of the road, I err on the side of excellence. Otherwise, no one at work would trust me with anything. Actually, even when sh!t is bad, I always manage to do pretty well at work... it's just harder for me to perform. Like it take a lot more effort for me to do well.

Maybe that's the difference... when my personal life is going well, my performance at work is effortless; but if things are bad in my personal life, maintaining professional competence is like Atreyu trying to lead a Artax through the Swamp of Sadness.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. I think we're all just built differently. Maybe you felt like you needed to vent, or you just feel more comfortable with sharing that stuff.
> 
> I feel uncomfortable sharing my personal life at work. And the irony is that a lot of my colleagues share very intimate things about their lives with me. I must seem like a good person to talk to. I'm an Aquarius though. Maybe that's it.


I'm a Cancer. I don't know anything about astrology though.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I can be totally TMI at work, partially because I can't compartmentalize, and so whatever's going on in my personal life spills over and affects other stuff. If my personal life is going down the tubes, my work suffers because I can't focus/concentrate. But when my personal life is going good, I'm a superstar at work.
> 
> Luckily, when things are down the middle of the road, I err on the side of excellence. Otherwise, no one at work would trust me with anything. Actually, even when sh!t is bad, I always manage to do pretty well at work... it's just harder for me to perform. Like it take a lot more effort for me to do well.
> 
> Maybe that's the difference... when my personal life is going well, my performance at work is effortless; but if things are bad in my personal life, maintaining professional competence is like Atreyu trying to lead a Artax through the Swamp of Sadness.


I hear ya. I find it hard to focus when things are **** personally.


----------



## Healer

So things were moving too fast with Malta - I pulled the reigns just a little - nothing too drastic. I was going to invite her to my folks place (my kids would be there) tomorrow and we decided against it - too soon. That's all good. Seeing her Saturday. 

I was texting with guitar girl a bit Monday - then didn't return her text until today (Wednesday) and didn't hear back. Sure enough, I checked and she has unfriended me on Facebook. I didn't think one day was that bad to get back to her (we only went on one date), and I was just super busy. I guess mama don't take no mess. Seems a little hasty, but it's all good.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> So things were moving too fast with Malta - I pulled the reigns just a little - nothing too drastic. I was going to invite her to my folks place (my kids would be there) tomorrow and we decided against it - too soon. That's all good. Seeing her Saturday.
> 
> I was texting with guitar girl a bit Monday - then didn't return her text until today (Wednesday) and didn't hear back. Sure enough, I checked and she has unfriended me on Facebook. I didn't think one day was that bad to get back to her (we only went on one date), and I was just super busy. I guess mama don't take no mess. Seems a little hasty, but it's all good.


The parents?! You guys just met! LOL. Good thing to keep your date though Saturday. You can keep getting to know her. Is the guitar girl from Tinder also?

Yeah it seems extreme to delete you from Facebook but had you just met or did you know her longer? Maybe she just thought you werne' tthat into her when you didn't respond? Ah, hell if I know. Like *Enjoli* said in the other thread--the WHY doesn't matter. Just chalk it up to an experience. "Next."


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> The parents?! You guys just met! LOL. Good thing to keep your date though Saturday. You can keep getting to know her. Is the guitar girl from Tinder also?
> 
> Yeah it seems extreme to delete you from Facebook but had you just met or did you know her longer? Maybe she just thought you werne' tthat into her when you didn't respond? Ah, hell if I know. Like *Enjoli* said in the other thread--the WHY doesn't matter. Just chalk it up to an experience. "Next."


Oh I know it. I done got carried away. Fortunately I wised up. And yes, glad I'm seeing her Saturday.

Guitar girl is from POF, and we hadn't met before. She hit me up on Facebook before our date. Now here's a puzzler - she just now texted me back, all nice and conversational. Still obviously not FB friends. What do you make of that?? :scratchhead:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Oh I know it. I done got carried away. Fortunately I wised up. And yes, glad I'm seeing her Saturday.
> 
> Guitar girl is from POF, and we hadn't met before. She hit me up on Facebook before our date. Now here's a puzzler - she just now texted me back, all nice and conversational. Still obviously not FB friends. What do you make of that?? :scratchhead:


I would suggest you just dont answer her. She sounds like a flake, and you have a good thing going with this other woman.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Jellybeans said:
> 
> 
> 
> The parents?! You guys just met! LOL. Good thing to keep your date though Saturday. You can keep getting to know her. Is the guitar girl from Tinder also?
> 
> Yeah it seems extreme to delete you from Facebook but had you just met or did you know her longer? Maybe she just thought you werne' tthat into her when you didn't respond? Ah, hell if I know. Like *Enjoli* said in the other thread--the WHY doesn't matter. Just chalk it up to an experience. "Next."
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I know it. I done got carried away. Fortunately I wised up. And yes, glad I'm seeing her Saturday.
> 
> Guitar girl is from POF, and we hadn't met before. She hit me up on Facebook before our date. Now here's a puzzler - she just now texted me back, all nice and conversational. Still obviously not FB friends. What do you make of that?? :scratchhead:
Click to expand...

I agree with JB, too soon. Glad you realized it and pulled back.

RE: FB un-friending... Fireman and I were FB friends right away (after we agreed to be exclusive), and when he didn't respond to texts within a day or two, I thought he was ghosting me, so I un-friended him. And then he texted me back, not because I unfriended him, but because his phone was on the fritz. It wasn't flakiness on my end, it was just mis-reading the sitch. I wouldn't worry about it. 

Dating in the age of texting and Facebook definitely has a steep learning curve.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I agree with JB, too soon. Glad you realized it and pulled back.
> 
> RE: FB un-friending... Fireman and I were FB friends right away (after we agreed to be exclusive), and when he didn't respond to texts within a day or two, I thought he was ghosting me, so I un-friended him. And then he texted me back, not because I unfriended him, but because his phone was on the fritz. It wasn't flakiness on my end, it was just mis-reading the sitch. I wouldn't worry about it.
> 
> Dating in the age of texting and Facebook definitely has a steep learning curve.


Yeah - I'm guessing she got pissed, unfriended, then saw the text and was like "oh...."

I could make things really awkward and ask "so why did you unfriend me on FB?". I won't though.


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> I would suggest you just dont answer her. She sounds like a flake, and you have a good thing going with this other woman.


Struggling with this a bit. Agreed I have a good thing going. And the one date FB firing seems rash.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Yeah - I'm guessing she got pissed, unfriended, then saw the text and was like "oh...."
> 
> I could make things really awkward and ask "so why did you unfriend me on FB?". I won't though.


Yeah, don't do that. Especially if you think you want to see her again.


----------



## Another Planet

Healer said:


> Oh I know it. I done got carried away. Fortunately I wised up. And yes, glad I'm seeing her Saturday.
> 
> Guitar girl is from POF, and we hadn't met before. She hit me up on Facebook before our date. Now here's a puzzler - she just now texted me back, all nice and conversational. Still obviously not FB friends. What do you make of that?? :scratchhead:


I FB friended a few girls I was involving myself with when they requested...all of them were deleted pretty promptly and only one I still talk with as a friend occasionally and even she was deleted cause she started liking EVERYTHING of mine. My FB is for really good friends and family only for the most part.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Oh I know it. I done got carried away.


:rofl: Made me laugh.



Healer said:


> Guitar girl is from POF, and we hadn't met before. She hit me up on Facebook before our date. Now here's a puzzler - she just now texted me back, all nice and conversational. Still obviously not FB friends. What do you make of that?? :scratchhead:


Let me let you in on a secret: trying to understand women is like trying to understand a spy language that hasn't been decoded yet.



With that said, my answer is, who the hell knows? You could ask her outright, ignore her, or just not mention it. I know. So many options. 



FeministInPink said:


> Dating in the age of texting and Facebook definitely has a steep learning curve.


The truth!

Re: Dating and Facebook - I prefer not to Facebook right away so I can determine if they are creepers first; I don't want people I just met all up in my personal life. My colleague on the other hand says she likes to do it straight away to make sure they are who they seem. With that said, with my own rule, I'm not really sure when it is appropriate to FB friend someone I am 'dating.'


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> and even she was deleted cause she started liking EVERYTHING of mine.


:rofl: We all have that one friend.



Another Planet said:


> My FB is for really good friends and family only for the most part.


Same here.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Made me laugh.
> 
> 
> 
> Let me let you in on a secret: trying to understand women is like trying to understand a spy language that hasn't been decoded yet.
> 
> 
> 
> With that said, my answer is, who the hell knows? You could ask her outright, ignore her, or just not mention it. I know. So many options.
> 
> 
> 
> The truth!
> 
> Re: Dating and Facebook - I prefer not to Facebook right away so I can determine if they are creepers first; I don't want people I just met all up in my personal life. My colleague on the other hand says she likes to do it straight away to make sure they are who they seem.




I won't mention it. I try to avoid brutal awkwardness at all costs. 

The real question is...I'm sleeping with Malta. Would going on another date with guitar girl make me a dog? I know sleeping with her certainly would. Would I be pissed if Malta went on a date with another guy? Probably not at this point. Maybe not thrilled, but not pissed. If she slept with him - yes. That would be a deal breaker.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> I won't mention it. I try to avoid brutal awkwardness at all costs.
> 
> The real question is...I'm sleeping with Malta. Would going on another date with guitar girl make me a dog? I know sleeping with her certainly would. Would I be pissed if Malta went on a date with another guy? Probably not at this point. Maybe not thrilled, but not pissed. If she slept with him - yes. That would be a deal breaker.


I think you need to let go of guitar girl. Malta very likely thinks that you two are exclusive since you are sleeping together. Plus you really seem to have a good thing going with her, why jeopordize that?


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> I won't mention it. I try to avoid brutal awkwardness at all costs.
> 
> The real question is...I'm sleeping with Malta. Would going on another date with guitar girl make me a dog? I know sleeping with her certainly would. Would I be pissed if Malta went on a date with another guy? Probably not at this point. Maybe not thrilled, but not pissed. If she slept with him - yes. That would be a deal breaker.


Yes, let go of guitar girl. I would suggest you be honest with her and tell her you made a connection with someone else and would like to know where it leads. I know, on my part, I would hate if a guy would totally ignore me. I would much rather know.
Plus, if she is an adult, she will appreciate your honesty!



3Xnocharm said:


> I think you need to let go of guitar girl. Malta very likely thinks that you two are exclusive since you are sleeping together. Plus you really seem to have a good thing going with her, why jeopordize that?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


All that talk about FB got me thinking. When navy and I began talking, I asked him to be FB friends but he claimed he never got an invite, both my names (maiden and married) are soooo common so he could not possibly find me. I did not care at all. I havent raised the question again, but now wondering WTF, right?

I was never FB friends with blue and would not even dream to ask him to be FB friend, but with Navy is different. I really like Navy a lot. I want to be his FB friend damn it!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I won't mention it. I try to avoid brutal awkwardness at all costs.
> 
> The real question is...I'm sleeping with Malta. Would going on another date with guitar girl make me a dog? I know sleeping with her certainly would. Would I be pissed if Malta went on a date with another guy? Probably not at this point. Maybe not thrilled, but not pissed. If she slept with him - yes. That would be a deal breaker.



Golden rule.

I guess, how would you feel knowing if she were on a date with a guy while sleeping with you? Or are you into something more open/casual with her? 

You guys only very recently met, right? So you are still getting to know one another? Wait, how many dates have you been on? Hmm maybe date her for a bit and see what happens then decide what you want...


----------



## firebelly1

NE - a while back you said Navy is your boyfriend. Now you're saying you like him a lot which sounds like a step back from boyfriend. What's up?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> All that talk about FB got me thinking. When navy and I began talking, I asked him to be FB friends but he claimed he never got an invite, both my names (maiden and married) are soooo common so he could not possibly find me. I did not care at all. I havent raised the question again, but now wondering WTF, right?
> 
> I was never FB friends with blue and would not even dream to ask him to be FB friend, but with Navy is different. I really like Navy a lot. I want to be his FB friend damn it!!!!


I have a feeling he is lying. Send him another friend request and ask if he got it. If he says he didnt, then he is full of crap, and doesnt want you to see something.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> NE - a while back you said Navy is your boyfriend. Now you're saying you like him a lot which sounds like a step back from boyfriend. What's up?


I cant call him the B word becasue it freaks me out. But that is what he is.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I cant call him the B word becasue it freaks me out. But that is what he is.


:scratchhead: Then maybe he shouldnt BE that...


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> :scratchhead: Then maybe he shouldnt BE that...


Maybe not... but I like him enough to try and work on MY intimacy issues. Who knows, maybe something wonderful will happen.


----------



## moxy

So, I may go out with Tinder guy, after all. I told him about the awkward thing, He said he likes to flirt. I guess it's to be expected when you first meet someone that there's no exclusivity. I have a feeling I'm going to be put off by it and that we won't have chemistry in person, but, another part of me thinks that it might be good for me to just go on a date. After all, I don't have to hook up with the guy just because we are going to hang out (though he is hot) and I don't have to commit to him either. And, if I'm not feeling it, I can just say so. I can't remember the last time I went out on just a date, so I suppose that would be a good thing to try.


----------



## vi_bride04

NE why can't you just stay away from guys period right now until you figure yourself out a bit more?


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> NE why can't you just stay away from guys period right now until you figure yourself out a bit more?


I dont know Vi... I really dont know.

I am doing better actually, before I would carry on conversations with multiple men. I would feel anxiety if I was not carrying out daily conversations. I havent done that in a very long time. I no longer get anxious.

On another note. Do you all remember the co worker I told you about who recently broke up with his girlfriend?

Anyway, he texted me last night. He was flirting a bit, but I kept it friendly and grounded to reality.

This morning I wake up and find that he had texted me a pic of himself naked and laying on bed!!

Well, I asked him not to ever send that type of pictures again. He was very apologetic and embarrassed.

Alcohol! drunk texting is not a good idea....


----------



## FeministInPink

Why the hell do people create a dating profile without any pics? Women can be just as visually oriented as men are. I came across a profile that was interesting, plus we went to the same university and we had things in common. But his profile picture was from the neck-down. No pictures of his face. So I messaged him, saying something about having no pics, and that women want to know what the men look like, too. And then he was kind of a d!ck about it, like "you're free to put up pics if you want, and it's my right not to put up pics."

Whatever. No pics, AND you're a d!ck. Not worth my time.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Why the hell do people create a dating profile without any pics? Women can be just as visually oriented as men are. I came across a profile that was interesting, plus we went to the same university and we had things in common. But his profile picture was from the neck-down. No pictures of his face. So I messaged him, saying something about having no pics, and that women want to know what the men look like, too. And then he was kind of a d!ck about it, like "you're free to put up pics if you want, and it's my right not to put up pics."
> 
> Whatever. No pics, AND you're a d!ck. Not worth my time.


GG had no pics. Her line was "no chemistry, no pics". She texted me some after she messaged me.

With a dude, he's probably unattractive or married.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> GG had no pics. Her line was "no chemistry, no pics". She texted me some after she messaged me.
> 
> With a dude, he's probably unattractive or married.


Yeah, I'm not going there. No time for that bullsh!t.


----------



## Healer

2-year anniversary of dday today - also happens to be my daughter's 7th birthday. The ex wife walked out on the marriage for her drug dealer, via text, on my baby's birthday. Vile.

The ex texted me a bunch of **** this morning - giving me hell for what our daughter was wearing, complaining about this and that. I just responded "don't text me again today".

I hope someday it just becomes her birthday again, and not the ugly reminder that it is now.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Why the hell do people create a dating profile without any pics?


I don't have time for those either. Makes me think they are hiding something. Also, I am just not interested in someone who has no qualms perusing your pictures yet can't show their face.

I bypass them.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I hope someday it just becomes her birthday again, and not the ugly reminder that it is now.


It will.

Give it time.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> Why the hell do people create a dating profile without any pics? Women can be just as visually oriented as men are. I came across a profile that was interesting, plus we went to the same university and we had things in common. But his profile picture was from the neck-down. No pictures of his face. So I messaged him, saying something about having no pics, and that women want to know what the men look like, too. And then he was kind of a d!ck about it, like "you're free to put up pics if you want, and it's my right not to put up pics."
> 
> Whatever. No pics, AND you're a d!ck. Not worth my time.


What an ass. Like we've covered here before, if he has a high profile job, just say so. Could be an undercover cop or a local newscaster. I get it. But you can email a pic or send a link to a private photo hosting site.

I'm too much into smiles to not get a pic. I looked through a few today and about 2 of 15 were appealing. Then again probably a lot of men say that about women.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I don't have time for those either. Makes me think they are hiding something. Also, I am just not interested in someone who has no qualms perusing your pictures yet can't show their face.
> 
> I bypass them.


Yeah, I usually do the same. I only messaged him b/c we went to the same school for undergrad.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I dont know Vi... I really dont know.
> 
> I am doing better actually, before I would carry on conversations with multiple men. I would feel anxiety if I was not carrying out daily conversations. I havent done that in a very long time. I no longer get anxious.
> 
> On another note. Do you all remember the co worker I told you about who recently broke up with his girlfriend?
> 
> Anyway, he texted me last night. He was flirting a bit, but I kept it friendly and grounded to reality.
> 
> This morning I wake up and find that he had texted me a pic of himself naked and laying on bed!!
> 
> Well, I asked him not to ever send that type of pictures again. He was very apologetic and embarrassed.
> 
> Alcohol! drunk texting is not a good idea....


UGH!! I hope he is humiliated at what he did...


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> UGH!! I hope he is humiliated at what he did...


A man who is willing to send an unsolicited naked photo of himself to a woman he isn't involved with has no shame. So, I think it is unlikely that he is humiliated. It's a form of aggression. He may be acting embarrassed, but there's a good chance that is just an act.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> A man who is willing to send an unsolicited naked photo of himself to a woman he isn't involved with has no shame. So, I think it is unlikely that he is humiliated. It's a form of aggression. He may be acting embarrassed, but there's a good chance that is just an act.


I tend to agree, but I also think that he feels unwanted because his girl cheated on him.
But I DO NOT need men sending me naked pictures. I seriously DO NOT need that...

Especially since we work together and I am higher ranking thatn he is!! if it ever happens again, I will bring it up to my supervisor. I am saving all the texts conversation. I obviously deleted the photo. 
Should I have save it??

BTW, nothing in the text conversation would be classified as sexual harrassment on my part (we are military, i am higher ranking, and the military is against sexual harrassment).


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> 2-year anniversary of dday today - also happens to be my daughter's 7th birthday. The ex wife walked out on the marriage for her drug dealer, via text, on my baby's birthday. Vile.
> 
> The ex texted me a bunch of **** this morning - giving me hell for what our daughter was wearing, complaining about this and that. I just responded "don't text me again today".
> 
> I hope someday it just becomes her birthday again, and not the ugly reminder that it is now.


It probably hasn't even occurred to her what today is. She sounds like an awful, selfish [email protected]

The day will eventually lose its significance, but it will take time...


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I tend to agree, but I also think that he feels unwanted because his girl cheated on him.
> But I DO NOT need men sending me naked pictures. I seriously DO NOT need that...
> 
> Especially since we work together and I am higher ranking thatn he is!! if it ever happens again, I will bring it up to my supervisor. I am saving all the texts conversation. I obviously deleted the photo.
> Should I have save it??
> 
> BTW, nothing in the text conversation would be classified as sexual harrassment on my part (we are military, i am higher ranking, and the military is against sexual harrassment).


Him being sad or having low self-worth does not justify that type of behavior. It's just an excuse, and a p!ss-poor one at that. Nothing justifies sending a naked pic, unless the recipient explicitly asked for it, or the couple has a tacit agreement that this sort of thing is de rigueur.

Well, since you deleted the photo you have no proof that he sent the naked pic, so you have nothing to use if you wanted to file a sexual harassment complaint against him. 

If it happens again and you want to file a complaint, you'll need to keep the picture, as distasteful as that is.


----------



## Healer

The plot thickens. Guitargirl texts me this morning "did you fall in a well?.

I respond telling her sorry, bit of a heavy time with daughter's bday and the anniversary of ex leaving, I'm a bit distracted etc. And left it at that.

She responds: "awwww, I'm sorry Aaron. Can I be totally honest?"

Then this:

I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know but here goes...Life is "experiment and fail."

We try, we fail, we try again, we fail...we might learn a thing or two (which is what we hope for)...

It's the only way we can grow.

And grow we must.

You can only enjoy the life you have right now because the life you had is gone and the life you will have hasn't arrived yet

And wanting someone who let you go, someone who you know very well was not worthy of you is essentially rejecting yourself. 

And having said all that....I really liked you and I thought we knocked it out of the park. I'm sorry you aren't in the right shape for a relationship right now because we coulda had soooo much fun. I was disappointed when I didn't hear from you and I wondered why but now I know. Best of luck to you Aaron. BIG HUGS!
_________________________________________________

She thinks I'm still hung up on my ex - and OMG I'm SO NOT!!!

Not sure what to make of all this.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> The plot thickens. Guitargirl texts me this morning "did you fall in a well?.
> 
> I respond telling her sorry, bit of a heavy time with daughter's bday and the anniversary of ex leaving, I'm a bit distracted etc. And left it at that.
> 
> She responds: "awwww, I'm sorry Aaron. Can I be totally honest?"
> 
> Then this:
> 
> I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know but here goes...Life is "experiment and fail."
> 
> We try, we fail, we try again, we fail...we might learn a thing or two (which is what we hope for)...
> 
> It's the only way we can grow.
> 
> And grow we must.
> 
> You can only enjoy the life you have right now because the life you had is gone and the life you will have hasn't arrived yet
> 
> And wanting someone who let you go, someone who you know very well was not worthy of you is essentially rejecting yourself.
> 
> And having said all that....I really liked you and I thought we knocked it out of the park. I'm sorry you aren't in the right shape for a relationship right now because we coulda had soooo much fun. I was disappointed when I didn't hear from you and I wondered why but now I know. Best of luck to you Aaron. BIG HUGS!
> _________________________________________________
> 
> She thinks I'm still hung up on my ex - and OMG I'm SO NOT!!!
> 
> Not sure what to make of all this.


Dude, she is giving you an OUT. TAKE IT.

There is no need to set her straight on this, because a) she is letting you go; b) the reason WHY doesn't matter; c) it you try to explain that it's not her ex keeping you apart, she might go into "why not me, then?"; and d) she's essentially telling you to go for what's going to make you happy. 

You can text her back and say, thanks, best of luck to you, too. But I would leave it at that. If things with Malta girl don't work out, you can reach out to Guitar Girl if you want... she's leaving the door open for something later.

Trying to "explain" to set her straight is only going to complicate things. And she might realize that there's another woman, but telling herself that you're hung up on your ex makes it easier for her to accept.

Just let it go.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> She thinks I'm still hung up on my ex - and OMG I'm SO NOT!!!
> 
> Not sure what to make of all this.


You should have just been up front with her and told her you met someone and you are seeing where things go. But yeah, you have the out, so let it go.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> The plot thickens. Guitargirl texts me this morning "did you fall in a well?.
> 
> I respond telling her sorry, bit of a heavy time with daughter's bday and the anniversary of ex leaving, I'm a bit distracted etc. And left it at that.
> 
> She responds: "awwww, I'm sorry Aaron. Can I be totally honest?"
> 
> Then this:
> 
> I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know but here goes...Life is "experiment and fail."
> 
> We try, we fail, we try again, we fail...we might learn a thing or two (which is what we hope for)...
> 
> It's the only way we can grow.
> 
> And grow we must.
> 
> You can only enjoy the life you have right now because the life you had is gone and the life you will have hasn't arrived yet
> 
> And wanting someone who let you go, someone who you know very well was not worthy of you is essentially rejecting yourself.
> 
> And having said all that....I really liked you and I thought we knocked it out of the park. I'm sorry you aren't in the right shape for a relationship right now because we coulda had soooo much fun. I was disappointed when I didn't hear from you and I wondered why but now I know. Best of luck to you Aaron. BIG HUGS!
> _________________________________________________
> 
> *She thinks I'm still hung up on my ex - and OMG I'm SO NOT!!!*
> 
> Not sure what to make of all this.


I would date this woman.
She sounds extremely understanding and self sufficient. She is definitely giving you out. Take it. 
Should you mention, it is not about your ex wife? If sharing the information will make you feel better then go ahead. But you should also tell her you are seeing someone else.


----------



## firebelly1

But NE before you deleted the naked pic, were you impressed at all?  Nice bod or not? I think this is a one time event you shrug off and laugh at a little.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> The plot thickens. Guitargirl texts me this morning "did you fall in a well?.
> 
> I respond telling her sorry, bit of a heavy time with daughter's bday and the anniversary of ex leaving, I'm a bit distracted etc. And left it at that.
> 
> She responds: "awwww, I'm sorry Aaron. Can I be totally honest?"
> 
> Then this:
> 
> I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know but here goes...Life is "experiment and fail."
> 
> We try, we fail, we try again, we fail...we might learn a thing or two (which is what we hope for)...
> 
> It's the only way we can grow.
> 
> And grow we must.
> 
> You can only enjoy the life you have right now because the life you had is gone and the life you will have hasn't arrived yet
> 
> And wanting someone who let you go, someone who you know very well was not worthy of you is essentially rejecting yourself.
> 
> And having said all that....I really liked you and I thought we knocked it out of the park. I'm sorry you aren't in the right shape for a relationship right now because we coulda had soooo much fun. I was disappointed when I didn't hear from you and I wondered why but now I know. Best of luck to you Aaron. BIG HUGS!
> _________________________________________________
> 
> She thinks I'm still hung up on my ex - and OMG I'm SO NOT!!!
> 
> Not sure what to make of all this.


Sometimes when you get rejected and you don't know why, it softens the blow to feel you are wiser and stronger. Sounds like you didn't tell her there is someone else you are interested in pursuing? So she is left to make up the reason and the only one you've given her so far is that you're dealing with the anniversary of your break up.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Dude, she is giving you an OUT. TAKE IT.
> 
> There is no need to set her straight on this, because a) she is letting you go; b) the reason WHY doesn't matter; c) it you try to explain that it's not her ex keeping you apart, she might go into "why not me, then?"; and d) she's essentially telling you to go for what's going to make you happy.
> 
> You can text her back and say, thanks, best of luck to you, too. But I would leave it at that. If things with Malta girl don't work out, you can reach out to Guitar Girl if you want... she's leaving the door open for something later.
> 
> Trying to "explain" to set her straight is only going to complicate things. And she might realize that there's another woman, but telling herself that you're hung up on your ex makes it easier for her to accept.
> 
> Just let it go.


I told her she's sweet and smart and bid her adieu. I thought about if I saw her again and how that would just be a world of trouble if I'm still seeing malta. NO good could come of it.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Sometimes when you get rejected and you don't know why, it softens the blow to feel you are wiser and stronger. Sounds like you didn't tell her there is someone else you are interested in pursuing? So she is left to make up the reason and the only one you've given her so far is that you're dealing with the anniversary of your break up.


No, I didn't. We only had lunch together once - didn't think that was necessary. Things got real intense real quick. Probably a red flag. The whole getting agitated about the not texting back right away reminded me of my ex - and I can't go through that again. Insecure and controlling (maybe).

I'm going to smarten up for now and just focus on Malta. One woman at a time is enough to keep me busy. I'm just no good at being a player - it's not my nature. I'm a serial monogamist - even if just in the dating/sleeping together type thing. 

Thanks for your help. ladies!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I respond telling her sorry, bit of a heavy time with daughter's bday and the anniversary of ex leaving, I'm a bit distracted etc. And left it at that.
> 
> _________________________________________________
> 
> She thinks I'm still hung up on my ex - and OMG I'm SO NOT!!!
> 
> Not sure what to make of all this.


LOL. The things that happen to us in the dating world.

Honestly, if I were her and read your text, I would definitely think you were still hung up on your ex/divorce, etc. 

With that said, you weren't feeling her so no love lost.

You were kind to bid her farewell. Keep it at that.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> What an ass.


:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> A man who is willing to send an unsolicited naked photo of himself to a woman he isn't involved with has no shame. So, I think it is unlikely that he is humiliated. It's a form of aggression. He may be acting embarrassed, *but there's a good chance that is just an act*.


Or he just really wants to share his balls wiht the world.

:rofl: Sorry, too easy! 

It seriously cracks me up to no end that people are so free with their genital-sharing in the digital age. 

That stuff stays out there! On the Cloud, on phones, on video back ups and drives.


----------



## ne9907

firebelly1 said:


> But NE before you deleted the naked pic, were you impressed at all?  Nice bod or not? I think this is a one time event you shrug off and laugh at a little.


He has a nice a$$ and very ripped muscles. He is a gym rat.
But he is having a very difficult time at the moment and he is just not my type.


----------



## firebelly1

ne9907 said:


> He has a nice a$$ and very ripped muscles. He is a gym rat.
> But he is having a very difficult time at the moment and he is just not my type.


Mm. Too bad you deleted it.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Mm. Too bad you deleted it.


Totally. I mean, ewww gross!


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I dont know Vi... I really dont know.
> 
> I am doing better actually, before I would carry on conversations with multiple men. I would feel anxiety if I was not carrying out daily conversations. I havent done that in a very long time. I no longer get anxious.
> 
> On another note. Do you all remember the co worker I told you about who recently broke up with his girlfriend?
> 
> Anyway, he texted me last night. He was flirting a bit, but I kept it friendly and grounded to reality.
> 
> This morning I wake up and find that he had texted me a pic of himself naked and laying on bed!!
> 
> Well, I asked him not to ever send that type of pictures again. He was very apologetic and embarrassed.
> 
> Alcohol! drunk texting is not a good idea....


smh...:rofl:
Oh sucks to be lonely especially after a bad breakup...heads all fckd up and you do stupid ship trying to figure yourself out again.


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> He has a nice a$$ and very ripped muscles. He is a gym rat.
> But he is having a very difficult time at the moment and he is just not my type.





firebelly1 said:


> Mm. Too bad you deleted it.





Healer said:


> Totally. I mean, ewww gross!


There is a place and time for sexting and sending randoms to random women is NOT one of the places or times...would you whip your dic out in public and show a woman you are interested in? No you would not so why in the ever fckn world would you think it is appropriate to do it through messaging?!


----------



## RandomDude

My heart is broken, not for me, not for FWB, but for family. Turns out my lifestyle influences more people then I would have expected... and it's not the life I want for my cousin sister. Yet I would be a hypocrite if I lecture her.

*sigh*


----------



## moxy

1) Guitar Girl sounds awesome. Good thing you let her go gracefully.

2) NE, tell Mr. Hot Stuff that he's totally hot but that you're talking to someone else; the ego boost will help him move on.

3) Rando, what happened?

4) AP, I agree with you: spontaneous d!ck pics are gauche.


----------



## bravenewworld

Another Planet said:


> There is a place and time for sexting and sending randoms to random women is NOT one of the places or times...would you whip your dic out in public and show a woman you are interested in? No you would not so why in the ever fckn world would you think it is appropriate to do it through messaging?!


I feel like it's a texting problem in general. Texting can be good for informal time killing, flirty banter, and "I'm in line - where are you?" type stuff. I HATE it for deep conversations, arguing, or dic pics. 

/rant. Maybe I'm an oldster. Just got a text message from a guy I went out with over a MONTH ago (and never heard from) saying he was sorry to not be in touch but he has not yet figured out his work/life balance. Like how sorry can he be if he can't even call? I texted back "I thought it was a bit weird. Had fun on our date but can't see it moving forward. I wish you well."

Grrr....texting! ::shakes fist::

A month ago was my last date, and honestly not missing it besides the sexy time part. Working two jobs while creating art and training for a marathon means I have zero free time. 

Ah, the wonderful world of rebuilding your life after divorce. Ex ruined me financially. Also, I realized I was extremely depressed with the corporate "worker bee" bubble I built for myself. It was a great job, but it wasn't for me. Kind of weird that working myself into exhaustion bartending plus doing my art stuffs has me happier than I have been in ages. 

Hope this doesn't make me sound like a dip$hit - but I remember and sometimes miss jet-setting with ex, the jewelry/Barney's shopping sprees, the alleged "good life." Now I'm clipping pet food coupons and consider shopping at Target a major treat - BUT I can unequivocally say money doesn't buy happiness. 

I don't like being so stressed over money (especially with the holidays) but I'm more at peace than I have been in a LONG time. At one point, I thought I knew everything. Now I realize how little I know.


----------



## Healer

I told guitar girl she's smart and sweet, and maybe we'll meet again someday, but I doubt it because she's a total babe and will be snatched up in no time. 

She thanked me and told me I'm smart and sweet and a total babe. I replied "thank you lovely". She replied "there you go using those dangerously kind words". I left it there. 

Maybe down the road, if things change (they always do, or they always stay the same), I'll look her up again. Hope I'm not making a mistake. But it would be a mistake, at this point, to sabotage what I have brewing with Malta, and play games with both of them.


----------



## bravenewworld

Healer said:


> I told guitar girl she's smart and sweet, and maybe we'll meet again someday, but I doubt it because she's a total babe and will be snatched up in no time.
> 
> She thanked me and told me I'm smart and sweet and a total babe. I replied "thank you lovely". She replied "there you go using those dangerously kind words". I left it there.
> 
> Maybe down the road, if things change (they always do, or they always stay the same), I'll look her up again. Hope I'm not making a mistake. But it would be a mistake, at this point, to sabotage what I have brewing with Malta, and play games with both of them.


Classy way to end things and an ethical decision on your part. Bravo!


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> 3) Rando, what happened?


One of my cousin sisters has also adopted the FWB lifestyle. During our childhood we used to be quite close, so I am very protective of her. The problem now is that having FWBs is not the life that I want for her. Yet I have a FWB now, robbing me of any right to give her any direction.

The thing is, she is still very young, and like my daughter, follows after me. Which... frightens me as well for my daughter's future considering daddy's example. Now sure, I endorse the lifestyle, but... the way my cousin has done it, it's like she doesn't respect her own body, and the men themselves were not of respectable quality. Heck she doesn't respect the men either, also admitted to continuing FWB relations while dating others - something I can never endorse.

I know on this forum I can come across as someone who doesn't respect women with all the "spread 'em and ram 'em" speech but never do I bad mouth a woman after sleeping with her, never do I boast to my mates about sleeping with a woman, never do I look down on them for putting out, never do I ever lie to them about my intentions and always do I respect their space. The men my cousin has been with fall short of any of these standards that I hold myself and other men to.

That not only makes me sad, but angry, disappointed, sick and disgusted. Not just at what has happened, but at myself knowing that my influence may have contributed to my cousin adopting such a lifestyle, and worries me for the future of my daughter when she comes of age - especially if she follows after daddy like my cousin did as well when she was young.

I've lost the desire for anything with FWB since finding out, who has been kind enough to give me some space to work things out after the shock of hearing news from my cousin. Our holiday is coming to an end as well.

*sigh* I don't know if anyone can understand, but meh, just how I feel at present times


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* I just want her to fking respect herself


----------



## Another Planet

Are you serious RD OMG roflololololing...you are too much man! 
So your lack of respect for women only goes so far? When it finally negatively effects someone close to you it bothers you? So what about those women you treated badly? How do you think their loved ones felt when you played them? 
Now you realize you might be hurting someone close to you and it's bad SMH


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Another Planet said:


> Are you serious RD OMG roflololololing...you are too much man!
> So your lack of respect for women only goes so far? When it finally negatively effects someone close to you it bothers you? So what about those women you treated badly? How do you think their loved ones felt when you played them?
> Now you realize you might be hurting someone close to you and it's bad SMH


The guy has a girlfriend who he has to call a FWB so when things eventually go south he can say "MEH" about it.

This entire thing with his cousin isn't even a reality. It's all in his head.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Maybe down the road, if things change (they always do, or they always stay the same)


...truth in those words.



RandomDude said:


> the way my cousin has done it, it's like she doesn't respect her own body, and the men themselves were not of respectable quality. Heck she doesn't respect the men either, also admitted to continuing FWB relations while dating others - something I can never endorse.
> 
> Not just at what has happened, but at myself knowing that my influence may have contributed to my cousin adopting such a lifestyle,


RD, I find it fascinating that you are so upset by someone doing something that you do all the time. Not only that, but your cousin is her own woman. She can do whatever she wants with her body. So if she wants to sleep with men or have a FWB, then that is her decision, just as it's yours. 

Remember: people are going to do whatever they want. 

You seem to think you influenced her into doing this, but at the end of the day, it's her life and her choices to make.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> Are you serious RD OMG roflololololing...you are too much man!
> So your lack of respect for women only goes so far? When it finally negatively effects someone close to you it bothers you? So what about those women you treated badly? How do you think their loved ones felt when you played them?
> Now you realize you might be hurting someone close to you and it's bad SMH


Name ONE instance when I had EVER played any FWB let alone ANY woman. ONE fking instance. Unless you think having a FWB = playing 

Otherwise learn how to keep your facts straight. Same with you Daddio



> RD, I find it fascinating that you are so upset by someone doing something that you do all the time.


So I guess I should be jumping for joy going "oh hey, my cousin is throwing herself at men feet first regardless of who they are" then is that right?

Of course I am upset, it's not the life I want for her. You think I wouldn't be upset if any of those close to me starts getting themselves involved in crime - like in my youth? What makes you think I'm so heartless?

Or is that just what you want to believe so you have your little scapegoat known as "evil RD"



> Not only that, but your cousin is her own woman. She can do whatever she wants with her body. So if she wants to sleep with men or have a FWB, then that is her decision, just as it's yours.
> 
> Remember: people are going to do whatever they want.
> 
> You seem to think you influenced her into doing this, but at the end of the day, it's her life and her choices to make.


Of course it is her decision, but doesn't mean I have to like it. Having FWBs is a very empty lifestyle, it's last resort. Knowing my cousin is going through the same thing especially at her age saddens me. Not only that, you think I would I let just any woman in my bed as long as she puts out?

Oh wait, of course you do, you all do. Pffft, why do I even bother with this forum sometimes.


----------



## RandomDude

Seriously Daddio it's becoming apparent to me you lack the necessary social intelligence to even understand anything past your own experiences with women.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> 2) NE, tell Mr. Hot Stuff that he's totally hot but that you're talking to someone else; the ego boost will help him move on.


no need to tell him anything at all, the guys at work introduced him to Tinder 

Let us know how your tinder date goes!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Seriously Daddio it's becoming apparent to me you lack the necessary social intelligence to even understand anything past your own experiences with women.


This has nothing to do with women. Your comparison between FWB and doing crimes is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, yesterday morning I was all excited because I had TWO dates with TWO different guys lined up for this weekend. One for Friday, and one for Saturday.

NOW, Friday morning, I am bummed because I have NO dates lined up. Friday guy messaged me yesterday afternoon to say he was sick and he's calling out of work Friday to stay home and nurse himself, but he'd like to reschedule when he's feeling better. Fine, OK... I get that people get sick.

But then Saturday guy--who I've been chatting with on Tinder for a little while now, who kept saying that he couldn't wait to see me--just DISAPPEARED. As in, I think he blocked me on Tinder last night. I'm thinking, dude, WTF??? You were clearly pursuing me, and now all of a sudden you drop off the face of the planet? Honestly, I didn't think there was ANY LTR possibility with the Tinder guy, but I would have at least liked the chance to get my groove on with him and maybe get laid. If I slept with him and he disappeared, I kind of would half expect that. 

But, then again:
The Disappearing Men Of Tinder | This One Time | The Debrief


I think I might be using Tinder all wrong. If I want to actually meet up with some guys and get some action, I might have to change my M.O.:
A Girl’s Guide For Getting Guys Laid On Tinder | Thought Catalog


----------



## ne9907

I love the Tinder articles!!

I have only had great Tinder experiences.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I love the Tinder articles!!
> 
> I have only had great Tinder experiences.


I haven't, unfortunately--I've been stood up/had a number of Disappearing Tinder Men. Fireman was the only positive Tinder experience I've had thus far.


----------



## ne9907

Lately, I have been obsessed with this song: 

My Wish Lyrics | Rascal Flatts - YouTube

Just now, after listening it for about 20 times, I have stopped crying.

Beautiful song!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I haven't, unfortunately--I've been stood up/had a number of Disappearing Tinder Men. Fireman was the only positive Tinder experience I've had thus far.


It will get better. I have not actually been stood up. But then again, once I made a match or liked someone I would stick to that one person and ignore everyone else.

Hmmm
Tinder dates;
1. Guy was 26 year old and reminded me too much of ex husband. 
2. Drunk Marine guy. I was making out with him, he began to try to take my shirt off, and I burst out laughing at the absurdidly of the situation. I left. He asked me out again the next day. I deleted his number.
3. blue eyes
4. Weird 39 year old man who was studying oenology, he was very agressive such a turn off.
5. Silly, silly, silly, silly 30 year old guy who was just enamored with me. creepy.
6. Navy guy.

I also have gone out on two dates from match.com
Those dates were abysmal!!! i do not like match at all.

and multiple conversations. Oh, I am still friends with a very hot 26 year old French man I met on Tinder while in Vegas (never met in person).


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> So, yesterday morning I was all excited because I had TWO dates with TWO different guys lined up for this weekend. One for Friday, and one for Saturday.
> 
> NOW, Friday morning, I am bummed because I have NO dates lined up. Friday guy messaged me yesterday afternoon to say he was sick and he's calling out of work Friday to stay home and nurse himself, but he'd like to reschedule when he's feeling better. Fine, OK... I get that people get sick.
> 
> But then Saturday guy--who I've been chatting with on Tinder for a little while now, who kept saying that he couldn't wait to see me--just DISAPPEARED. As in, I think he blocked me on Tinder last night. I'm thinking, dude, WTF??? You were clearly pursuing me, and now all of a sudden you drop off the face of the planet? Honestly, I didn't think there was ANY LTR possibility with the Tinder guy, but I would have at least liked the chance to get my groove on with him and maybe get laid. If I slept with him and he disappeared, I kind of would half expect that.
> 
> But, then again:
> The Disappearing Men Of Tinder | This One Time | The Debrief
> 
> 
> I think I might be using Tinder all wrong. If I want to actually meet up with some guys and get some action, I might have to change my M.O.:
> A Girl’s Guide For Getting Guys Laid On Tinder | Thought Catalog


Interesting article! I've experienced "ghosting" from guys both on and outside of Tinder, however, I definitely think those type of men proliferate the site. 

I'm glad I did online dating when I first started back up, lots of good practice and met some cool peeps. But there's so many ghosting situations (or straight up liars) and it's like ummmm....next! 

Also, I feel like guys I met online tended to talk A LOT about themselves. I don't want to spend 2/3 of the date nodding while you regal me with tales about your seventh grade flag football team. Bleh!


----------



## ne9907

Another Tinder article! I like this one too!

11 Rules For Finding Love On Tinder | Thought Catalog


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> It will get better. I have not actually been stood up. But then again, once I made a match or liked someone I would stick to that one person and ignore everyone else.
> 
> Hmmm
> Tinder dates;
> 1. Guy was 26 year old and reminded me too much of ex husband.
> 2. Drunk Marine guy. I was making out with him, he began to try to take my shirt off, and I burst out laughing at the absurdidly of the situation. I left. He asked me out again the next day. I deleted his number.
> 3. blue eyes
> 4. Weird 39 year old man who was studying oenology, he was very agressive such a turn off.
> 5. Silly, silly, silly, silly 30 year old guy who was just enamored with me. creepy.
> 6. Navy guy.
> 
> I also have gone out on two dates from match.com
> Those dates were abysmal!!! i do not like match at all.
> 
> and multiple conversations. Oh, I am still friends with a very hot 26 year old French man I met on Tinder while in Vegas (never met in person).


Um, this is your list of "successful" Tinder dates? They don't sound terribly successful.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Um, this is your list of "successful" Tinder dates? They don't sound terribly successful.


lol, I had fun in all the dates, and I have been learning many things about everything~


----------



## ne9907

Ok so I have a question! 
I am breaking my rule about Navy guy and I am demoting him. Perhaps I should not be doing this to a person who I am in a relationship with, but I am a bit tired of his bs.

Since we met, I am the one who goes to see him (about twice he has driven to see me).

We had planned to meet this evening, and I received a text from him saying that he feels bad because he has to work tonight an early tomorrow morning.

I replied with "that is ok, no worries, have a wonderful weekend!"
Then he asked me to come down to see him tomorrow afternoon!!

I said, I will tell him tomorrow because I might have plans with friends (which is true!). I also do not want to drive two hours to see him. It was his turn!!

I feel he does not put the same effort as I do. I have explicitly voiced my feelings to him on this issue...

Perhaps, it is time to let him go. Not amount of "liking him" on my part will fix his "not much into me" attitude.

EDIT: haha, I guess it isnt a question but more of venting


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Ok so I have a question!
> I am breaking my rule about Navy guy and I am demoting him. Perhaps I should not be doing this to a person who I am in a relationship with, but I am a bit tired of his bs.
> 
> Since we met, I am the one who goes to see him (about twice he has driven to see me).
> 
> We had planned to meet this evening, and I received a text from him saying that he feels bad because he has to work tonight an early tomorrow morning.
> 
> I replied with "that is ok, no worries, have a wonderful weekend!"
> Then he asked me to come down to see him tomorrow afternoon!!
> 
> I said, I will tell him tomorrow because I might have plans with friends (which is true!). I also do not want to drive two hours to see him. It was his turn!!
> 
> I feel he does not put the same effort as I do. I have explicitly voiced my feelings to him on this issue...
> 
> Perhaps, it is time to let him go. Not amount of "liking him" on my part will fix his "not much into me" attitude.
> 
> EDIT: haha, I guess it isnt a question but more of venting


Ne, he wasnt really into you from the get-go....just sayin...


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, he wasnt really into you from the get-go....just sayin...


Exactly!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> Exactly!


Yet you still considered him your boyfriend. Only a short time after saying you were taking a break from dating ...

Just saying.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> Yet you still considered him your boyfriend. Only a short time after saying you were taking a break from dating ...
> 
> Just saying.


lol, I am a "my glass is always full!" kinda person.

But he got demoted today! I am thinking of doing the fade out, I will not even have the "break up talk" with him.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> lol, I am a "my glass is always full!" kinda person.
> 
> But he got demoted today! I am thinking of doing the fade out, I will not even have the "break up talk" with him.


Why leave him hanging and not do it the proper way?


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> Why leave him hanging and not do it the proper way?


I have a feeling he does not care either way. How do I feel this? By his actions.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I have a feeling he does not care either way. How do I feel this? By his actions.


It's not about him, Ne. It's about you. Sh!tty people do the fade out. If you want to be a better person, you have to act better.

If you want people to treat you well, you need to treat others well.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> It's not about him, Ne. It's about you. Sh!tty people do the fade out. If you want to be a better person, you have to act better.
> 
> If you want people to treat you well, you need to treat others well.


For me personally it's nice to have a sense of closure. Since he's so far away and you just started dating I think it's ok to do over the phone. Could be as simple as, "I've enjoyed spending time together, but I've realized I need someone who lives a bit closer."

If you do decide to officially break it off - just keep it short and kind. It won't be half as bad as you think.

One reason I am a fan of not ghosting is you never know - you could run into that person again or have to deal with them in an indirect way. Always best to part on good terms whenever possible.


----------



## Another Planet

NE for one thing you do a proper closure so you have a piece of mind about the ending. There is less of a chance he won't randomly pop up in the future and mess up your current prospect. Seal the deal and be done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Wear a short red dress to the bar and you might find unexpected trouble. Drunk dude at the bar was really into my feet. He decided to cozy up next to me and wouldn't back off. He got aggressive and weird. All four men in our group stood up to get him to back off. Then, he leered from the bar and came back a while later to sit on my armrest. The management bounced him out, but he stood at the window right behind me for twenty minutes. Eventually, the other bouncers escorted him away. By the reaction of my friends, I should've been freaked out, but I wasn't. He was drunk as hell and making a fool of himself, and I pitied him. So, I politely turned him down without embarrassing him, a few times. He wasn't even aware of how inappropriate his behavior was. Poor guy. I think it's good that I was calm and handled the drunk dude enough to defuse the situation when he threatened to harm one of my nerdy male friends. And, I think my crush has a girlfriend (or might be seeing someone), so I've squashed my feelings. Tinder guy has been quiet for a few days, but we'll see what the date is like.


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> This has nothing to do with women. Your comparison between FWB and doing crimes is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.


Hah! Nice attempt to laugh it away as your ignorance shines. How you can consider a mutually loveless and emotionless casual relationship a boyfriend/girlfrend relationship baffles me. Along with your inability to understand how one would desire their family to avoid the pitfalls of their own experiences.

But hey, I'll lay off ya for now, peace


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Ok so I have a question!
> I am breaking my rule about Navy guy and I am demoting him. Perhaps I should not be doing this to a person who I am in a relationship with, but I am a bit tired of his bs.


=/

Funny, you're demoting him while I'm currently considering promoting FWB... now I'm thinking I should continue keep FWB at this level to avoid such drama...


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> Wear a short red dress to the bar and you might find unexpected trouble. Drunk dude at the bar was really into my feet. He decided to cozy up next to me and wouldn't back off. He got aggressive and weird. All four men in our group stood up to get him to back off. Then, he leered from the bar and came back a while later to sit on my armrest. The management bounced him out, but he stood at the window right behind me for twenty minutes. Eventually, the other bouncers escorted him away. By the reaction of my friends, I should've been freaked out, but I wasn't. He was drunk as hell and making a fool of himself, and I pitied him. So, I politely turned him down without embarrassing him, a few times. He wasn't even aware of how inappropriate his behavior was. Poor guy. I think it's good that I was calm and handled the drunk dude enough to defuse the situation when he threatened to harm one of my nerdy male friends. And, I think my crush has a girlfriend (or might be seeing someone), so I've squashed my feelings. Tinder guy has been quiet for a few days, but we'll see what the date is like.


I've been drunk many times in my life and would never act that way. The dude is a bonafide creep, alcohol just lowers his inhibitions to act that way outright. Glad you had backup with you.


----------



## Healer

Date with Malta tonight. Dinner, movie, "Netflix". 

We've been texting everyday - rare for me. Normally I avoid that, but look forward to hearing from her. She's sweet. I called her "babe" in a text last night. 

I've never called a woman I've been seeing "babe" since being single. Uh oh.


----------



## FeministInPink

An interesting thing I've discovered about post-divorce life is that it's filled with firsts and learning new things. For example, I'm learning to date all over again. That part kind of sucks, to be honest. But more specifically, I came to this conclusion because of first I had today, which will sound silly, but it was really quite gratifying.

I renewed the registration on my car, and I removed the old registration sticker myself. In my past life, I would have asked my (ex)husband to do it, or my dad, or the guy at Pep Boys when I changed my oil. But today, I got my new sticker, checked the internet for instructions on how to best do it, and executed said instructions. And I did a really good job.

I also Windexed the interior of all the windows in my car while I was at it.


----------



## ne9907

I did not end things with navy guy. We got together sat and sun, and I did not voice any of my opinions.

I cannot read this man. He is extremely quiet, thoughful, strange. I feel that HE is evaluating me as a potential partner. We do talk, he is very concise and the point, he asks me questions about his likes and whether I would like to do them as well. For example, he is very athletic, runs marathons, so he asked if I would be interested in training for a half marathon. He has also asked about my food choices (he eats organic).
I feel intimated by this man, I feel a disconnect. 

Not all is weird, for example last night while he was cooking breakfast (my favorite meal), I read exerts from a book he recently bought to him. It was a pleasant evening.
I find myself in new territory. I like him and yet, I am afraid our lifestyles do not match. I voiced that opinion once but he thinks it is not a big concern. I do not know where we stand.
We are exclusive, we are boyfriend/girlfriend but it feels less than that. 
I feel strange becasue I am afraid I am not what he wants because of our different life styles.
I am not a couch potatoe but I am definitely not a health fanatic.

Good morning all! Smile~

EDIT: Something happened last night that I had never experienced and sheds lights on my feelings. I began to think that perhaps I cared a lot more about Blue than I believed. It also made me feel extremely bad. Navy and I were having sex and I could just not get excited, I began to fantasize about Blue.... right in the middle of sex. I had never fantasized about a different person while engaging in any type of sexual activity.
Is this normal? I do not think so...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ne...Navy Guy has never been truly into you. Of COURSE you feel a disconnect. I am surprised you are even having sex with him, but NOT surprised that your thoughts are elsewhere while doing so. I'm afraid you are just wasting your time with this man.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Take a good long break from dating.


----------



## unsure78

06Daddio08 said:


> Take a good long break from dating.


She should but she never will, she still has such low self esteem (ne look at your core and see really whats in there, not the shallow im hot) that you can't go without some mans attention, whether you have interest or not.... just a guess NE, but im thinking you have demons much greater than what you present here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

You know all those people who seem to effortlessly fall in love and have healthy relationships without any of these dramas, I think they have what many of us don't have - the ability to keep things simple. Relationships should be easy, it shouldn't take so much mental and emotional power.

Meh


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> You know all those people who seem to effortlessly fall in love and have healthy relationships without any of these dramas, I think they have what many of us don't have - the ability to keep things simple. Relationships should be easy, it shouldn't take so much mental and emotional power.
> 
> Meh


Does that really happen to anyone though besides like religious zealots? I'm thinking of the type that share their first kiss at the altar. 

I'd like to add - I think the ability to do that successfully requires a lot of brainwashing starting around at least age two. Outside of the Duggars and the very few people I know who think similarly, I don't know anyone who effortlessly falls in love and has no relationship drama.....

I get what you are saying though, and I do agree relationships should feel natural and easy at the start with little to no drama. You're either are on the same page, or you're not. If it's not a f*ck yes, then it's a f*ck no. People make excuses for others, unnecessarily test boundaries, and overcomplicate things. 

At the start of any relationship, I just want to go on hikes, do the sex, then have a beer and sandwich. Anything else is a waste of time!


----------



## bravenewworld

Funny story, a customer at the bar I work at always comes in specifically to hit on me. I'm not assuming - he's told me as much and has asked me out at least 8-12 times. He even offering to help me move and unpack my entire apartment. Oh, and build me a dining room table after I complained how crappy my current one is. Not a bad guy, just not for me. 

Anyhow, another patron tells me her friend was at a sushi place across the street and wound up going home with him. Her friend was smitten - it was the best sex ever, they were going to start dating regularly, yadda yadda yadda....

I was super happy for him, and myself as well, figuring now that he's getting laid regularly the uncomfortable flirting will stop. Then he comes in the next day - and IMMEDIATELY starts hitting on me. He even tries to book us seats on a gondola ride. 

I had to laugh, I swear people always want what they can't have. For me personally, if I can't have it, then I don't want it!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



06Daddio08 said:


> Take a good long break from dating.


She has been told this for months. I don't think she is going to step away from the c0ck.


unsure78 said:


> She should but she never will, she still has such low self esteem (ne look at your core and see really whats in there, not the shallow im hot) that you can't go without some mans attention, whether you have interest or not.... just a guess NE, but im thinking you have demons much greater than what you present here
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly. 

NE, until you are comfortable and confident with yourself, you will always feel something is missing with whatever guy you are with. No matter how they act or treat you.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> Take a good long break from dating.





unsure78 said:


> She should but she never will, she still has such low self esteem (ne look at your core and see really whats in there, not the shallow im hot) that you can't go without some mans attention, whether you have interest or not.... just a guess NE, but im thinking you have demons much greater than what you present here
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





vi_bride04 said:


> She has been told this for months. I don't think she is going to step away from the c0ck.
> 
> Exactly.
> 
> NE, until you are comfortable and confident with yourself, you will always feel something is missing with whatever guy you are with. No matter how they act or treat you.




I do have a lot of demons. But I think we as humans, all have demons, the c0ck is not the reason I seek these less than stellar relationships. It is the companionship, the hugging, the connection. I am quite infatuated with navy guy, I shall be announcing our wedding date soon (just kidding!).

I really appreciate all of you striving to show the errors of my ways. I believe someone has mentioned it before, I will not stop until I am ready. You can only show me the way, I must be ready to follow in that path. I am simply not ready. I am not looking for love (yet) I am looking for fun and companionship.
I am also learning about myself in the proccess. I am not an expert at relationships. I am a noob!! I have gone out on many dates, but those dates never made it past date 1. I have been with two men post divorce (this year) and I do feel two is too many. I am practicing. 

But I do appreciate your feedback~


----------



## vi_bride04

You can learn a lot more about yourself by not distracting yourself with dating. I don't see the point in it if you aren't looking for love or a relationship. 

Why do you have to hang out with guys to have fun or companionship? Where are your close girlfriends to spend time with when you are feeling lonely? 

Do you feel worthless when you don't have a guys attention? Would love to see you go 2-3 months without going on a date, dating site, dating app, etc. Don't think that will happen but that is what you need.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> You can learn a lot more about yourself by not distracting yourself with dating. I don't see the point in it if you aren't looking for love or a relationship.
> 
> Why do you have to hang out with guys to have fun or companionship? Where are your close girlfriends to spend time with when you are feeling lonely?
> 
> Do you feel *worthless when you don't have a guys attention*? Would love to see you go 2-3 months without going on a date, dating site, dating app, etc. Don't think that will happen but that is what you need.


I actually feel unworthy of love (all the time). Not only romantic love, but all types of love. I am simply not worthy, therefore I engage in this quasi relationships to try and prove myself wrong. I know it makes no sense. It is something I just recently discovered and am still dealing with this information.


----------



## firebelly1

vi_bride04 said:


> You can learn a lot more about yourself by not distracting yourself with dating. I don't see the point in it if you aren't looking for love or a relationship.
> .


I don't necessarily agree. I think dating can show you who you are; what you still have to work on. If you are learning from your experiences Ne, why not?


----------



## Healer

An aside. Lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> I don't necessarily agree. I think dating can show you who you are; what you still have to work on. If you are learning from your experiences Ne, why not?


When someone is secure and confident in who they are, this works. Otherwise dating can just be a distraction to facing the real problems with ones self.


----------



## RandomDude

So much sh-t to do, so little time, still in holiday mode... BAH!



> At the start of any relationship, I just want to go on hikes, do the sex, then have a beer and sandwich. Anything else is a waste of time!


Agreed, it shouldn't have so many spikes in one's brain.


----------



## RandomDude

bravenewworld said:


> Funny story, a customer at the bar I work at always comes in specifically to hit on me. I'm not assuming - he's told me as much and has asked me out at least 8-12 times. He even offering to help me move and unpack my entire apartment. Oh, and build me a dining room table after I complained how crappy my current one is. Not a bad guy, just not for me.


Wow, he's persistent. I would have asked only once, and I wouldn't even ask unless my instincts are certain it would be a yes (and I'm almost always right with my instincts)

Take note men! Persistence doesn't generally pay off, only serves to gives your potential date something to shake their heads about!


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> So much sh-t to do, so little time, still in holiday mode... BAH!
> 
> 
> 
> Agreed, it shouldn't have so many spikes in one's brain.


Yep.

I have recently come to the conclusion that relationships should not be hard work. They should be easy and not filled with drama. My marriage was hard work and that was because I was married to a narcissistic jerk who never put the relationship first. I was young and stupid when I got married and I didn't see the person for what he was. Now, I am involved with someone and the fit is so easy and fun. No drama (between us anyway), and lots of chemistry. I never knew it could be like this.


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> lol, I am a "my glass is always full!" kinda person.
> 
> But he got demoted today! I am thinking of doing the fade out, I will not even have the "break up talk" with him.


 No, you are a "my glass is never full enough" kinda person. You are looking for a guy to fix something within you and that will not happen. You will continue to get involved with guys who are not good matches until you fix yourself.

And the fade away/ghosting technique is cowardly. Kind of like your refusal to out Blue. I know this sounds mean, but think about it. Low self esteem, attention seeking behavior and not willing to do the right thing...toxic combination and not good friend material for men or women.



RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Funny, you're demoting him while I'm currently considering promoting FWB... now I'm thinking I should continue keep FWB at this level to avoid *such drama*...





RandomDude said:


> You know all those people who seem to effortlessly fall in love and have healthy relationships without any of these dramas, I think they have what many of us don't have - t*he ability to keep things simple. Relationships should be easy, it shouldn't take so much mental and emotional power*.
> 
> Meh


I don't disagree. LTRs will always take a bit of compromise/give and take but that doesn't have to be work or drama filled. Certain personalities gravitate that way though. Drama is a red flag imo.



bravenewworld said:


> Does that really happen to anyone though besides like religious zealots? I'm thinking of the type that share their first kiss at the altar.
> 
> At the start of any relationship, I just want to go on hikes, do the sex, then have a beer and sandwich. Anything else is a waste of time!


 No to the first and yes to the second. Personally, I think religion screws up relationships and how we view ourselves and our relationships. It doesn't have to be hard and when it is, it isn't right. That is a new thought for me btw. 



ne9907 said:


> I actually feel unworthy of love


FOO issues combined with the *traditional* Christian theology.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> No, you are a "my glass is never full enough" kinda person. You are looking for a guy to fix something within you and that will not happen. You will continue to get involved with guys who are not good matches until you fix yourself.
> 
> And the fade away/ghosting technique is cowardly. Kind of like your refusal to out Blue. I know this sounds mean, but think about it. Low self esteem, attention seeking behavior and not willing to do the right thing...toxic combination and not good friend material for men or women.
> 
> 
> 
> *FOO issues combined with the traditional Christian theology.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> What is FOO?


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Fenix said:
> 
> 
> 
> No, you are a "my glass is never full enough" kinda person. You are looking for a guy to fix something within you and that will not happen. You will continue to get involved with guys who are not good matches until you fix yourself.
> 
> And the fade away/ghosting technique is cowardly. Kind of like your refusal to out Blue. I know this sounds mean, but think about it. Low self esteem, attention seeking behavior and not willing to do the right thing...toxic combination and not good friend material for men or women.
> 
> 
> 
> *FOO issues combined with the traditional Christian theology.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> What is FOO?
> 
> 
> 
> Family of Origin. We get a lot of our self esteem issues from our parents/how we were raised. Once we are adults...well, it is up to us on how we fix or maintain it.
Click to expand...


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I did not end things with navy guy. We got together sat and sun, and I did not voice any of my opinions.
> 
> I cannot read this man. He is extremely quiet, thoughful, strange. I feel that HE is evaluating me as a potential partner. We do talk, he is very concise and the point, he asks me questions about his likes and whether I would like to do them as well. For example, he is very athletic, runs marathons, so he asked if I would be interested in training for a half marathon. He has also asked about my food choices (he eats organic).
> I feel intimated by this man, I feel a disconnect.
> 
> Not all is weird, for example last night while he was cooking breakfast (my favorite meal), I read exerts from a book he recently bought to him. It was a pleasant evening.
> I find myself in new territory. I like him and yet, I am afraid our lifestyles do not match. I voiced that opinion once but he thinks it is not a big concern. I do not know where we stand.
> We are exclusive, we are boyfriend/girlfriend but it feels less than that.
> I feel strange becasue I am afraid I am not what he wants because of our different life styles.
> I am not a couch potatoe but I am definitely not a health fanatic.
> 
> Good morning all! Smile~
> 
> EDIT: Something happened last night that I had never experienced and sheds lights on my feelings. I began to think that perhaps I cared a lot more about Blue than I believed. It also made me feel extremely bad. Navy and I were having sex and I could just not get excited, I began to fantasize about Blue.... right in the middle of sex. I had never fantasized about a different person while engaging in any type of sexual activity.
> Is this normal? I do not think so...


Perfect example of why you need to free for the most part of past relationships. You have no place for Navy in your heart it is occupied by Blue, maybe you would feel differently about him if you were ready. 

The bigger concern is why you have feelings for Blue? He was/is emotional abusive. You need to understand that...and figure out why that attracts you and deal with it or you will always be in toxic relationships.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Does that really happen to anyone though besides like religious zealots? I'm thinking of the type that share their first kiss at the altar.
> 
> I'd like to add - I think the ability to do that successfully requires a lot of brainwashing starting around at least age two. Outside of the Duggars and the very few people I know who think similarly, I don't know anyone who effortlessly falls in love and has no relationship drama.....
> 
> I get what you are saying though, and I do agree relationships should feel natural and easy at the start with little to no drama. You're either are on the same page, or you're not. If it's not a f*ck yes, then it's a f*ck no. People make excuses for others, unnecessarily test boundaries, and overcomplicate things.
> 
> At the start of any relationship, I just want to go on hikes, do the sex, then have a beer and sandwich. Anything else is a waste of time!


I do not believe you need any special tricks. Biggest problem is not knowing yourself.
Know what you want, stick to your boundaries and don't bend them. 
What does it take to make you happy? What does it take to make you hurt? You have to be self aware. Never expect someone else to fix you, you are solely responsible for yourself.


----------



## Another Planet

bravenewworld said:


> Funny story, a customer at the bar I work at always comes in specifically to hit on me. I'm not assuming - he's told me as much and has asked me out at least 8-12 times. He even offering to help me move and unpack my entire apartment. Oh, and build me a dining room table after I complained how crappy my current one is. Not a bad guy, just not for me.
> 
> Anyhow, another patron tells me her friend was at a sushi place across the street and wound up going home with him. Her friend was smitten - it was the best sex ever, they were going to start dating regularly, yadda yadda yadda....
> 
> I was super happy for him, and myself as well, figuring now that he's getting laid regularly the uncomfortable flirting will stop. Then he comes in the next day - and IMMEDIATELY starts hitting on me. He even tries to book us seats on a gondola ride.
> 
> I had to laugh, I swear people always want what they can't have. For me personally, if I can't have it, then I don't want it!


Or better yet, if they don't want you you don't want them...easy enough. Skips a bunch of the unnecessary BS.


----------



## ne9907

You guys are pretty fvcking awesome!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

I am THANKful I did all my Thanksgiving grocery shopping yesterday because it is snowing here! 

I love this holiday so much!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> I am THANKful I did all my Thanksgiving grocery shopping yesterday because it is snowing here!
> 
> I love this holiday so much!


Lucky you! I love the snow!!! love it! Love it! But sunny SoCal does not get any 

I am thankful I am not cooking. I will be bringing the wine and thankfully (  ) I live in a area where wineries are abundant! Going to pick up some bottles after work!

Any selection I should get? I am a wine noob!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> I am THANKful I did all my Thanksgiving grocery shopping yesterday because it is snowing here!
> 
> 
> 
> I love this holiday so much!



Outlook for thanksgiving, 72F, partly sunny with high surf on north and west facing shorelines.


----------



## Another Planet

Whew...glad I averted the crazy train this time around

REVEALED: Top 15 Names of Crazy Women | First to Know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Lucky you! I love the snow!!! love it! Love it! But sunny SoCal does not get any
> 
> I am thankful I am not cooking. I will be bringing the wine and thankfully (  ) I live in a area where wineries are abundant! Going to pick up some bottles after work!
> 
> Any selection I should get? I am a wine noob!


Depends on what dinner is. Can't go wrong with a decent chardonnay and a Cabernet, covers all bases.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> Outlook for thanksgiving, 72F, partly sunny with high surf on north and west facing shorelines.


Nice! 

The snow today is weird - it was 72 on Monday. LOL. 

It's 33 degrees now.

NE - Go with something red. You can always ask them at the wine store for recommendations. 

I would love to live in SoCal--wineries and sun sound like a great time. God I do love wine. 

Cheers!


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Whew...glad I averted the crazy train this time around
> 
> REVEALED: Top 15 Names of Crazy Women | First to Know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: My name is not on the list.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Nice!
> 
> 
> 
> The snow today is weird - it was 72 on Monday. LOL.
> 
> 
> 
> It's 33 degrees now.
> 
> 
> 
> NE-I would love to live in SoCal--wineries and sun sound like a great time. God I do love wine.
> 
> 
> 
> Cheers!



Thanksgiving has always meant the first big north swell of the season and as a big wave surfer, I would live for this time of the year. 

So, as far back as I recall (teen years into young adulthood), thanksgiving was:

Wake up early for the early surf session till sometime in the early afternoon. Come home eat, sleep and wake up in time to hit the evening surf session till dark. We would always be paddling in by whatever moonlight shown the way.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: My name is not on the list.



Won't say, but I bet I could guess it


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Whew...glad I averted the crazy train this time around
> 
> REVEALED: Top 15 Names of Crazy Women | First to Know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My first name isnt, but my middle name is!!

I also found this article: 

https://www.yahoo.com/food/a-thorough-thanksgiving-beer-and-wine-pairing-103477610506.html

my sisters and nieces all love wine, I do too!


----------



## Ikaika

My wife's name is not on there, whew dodged a bullet :rofl: her middle name is too ethnic for that list, just as my often used name (relatives call me by) is... Bet you can't guess


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> Lucky you! I love the snow!!! love it! Love it! But sunny SoCal does not get any
> 
> I am thankful I am not cooking. I will be bringing the wine and thankfully (  ) I live in a area where wineries are abundant! Going to pick up some bottles after work!
> 
> Any selection I should get? I am a wine noob!


It depends on what you like. For Red, I am going with an Amarone which is northern Italian. I also like really nice quality red zinfandels and syrahs. I get bored of cabernets but they would be good too. Any big red, stay away from pinot noir (imo). For white, a good fulll bodied chardonnay. We are starting with prosecco though. 

Ne, good article except for the pinot noir rec!  Of course, that is one of my least favorite wines so I guess I am biased. I find it insipid.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I am THANKful I did all my Thanksgiving grocery shopping yesterday because it is snowing here!
> 
> I love this holiday so much!


Me too! This is the easy holiday...FOOD! 

Its snowing here too, the kind I like, where you see it falling, but it melts as soon as it lands!


----------



## Ikaika

How about some pics of snow for the island boy


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: My name is not on the list.


Gf's is not 
Exwifes name is on it...an exGf's and I dodged a bullet by not involving myself any deeper with an ****** last summer, she still calls or texts every once in a while to tell me she changed her number again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

A pic of pre-thanksgiving down the hill from our humble abode. The cloud drenched skies over the Ko'olau mountain range with a town house community in the foreground. 



I stayed home today, so I could prepare a few items to feast on tomorrow with family.


----------



## Ikaika

Let's see some snow.


----------



## Healer

You people who like snow are sick, SICK I SAY!!!

We have a ton of it coming over the next few days. :-( And it's dropping to -20. Awful.


----------



## Ikaika

Anyway, I have got to make tonight's dinner: roasted sweet potato and black bean chili. Going light till tomorrow's feast

Happy Thanksgiving ~ Hau’oli La Ho’omaika’i


----------



## Healer

Oh man. Malta and I have a texting routine daily now. Morning/lunch and evening. Lots of "I miss you", "babe", "sweetie" "kisses"...I haven't had this dynamic with any woman I've dated. So unlike me! WTF?? Have to admit though, I am enjoying it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Oh man. Malta and I have a texting routine daily now. Morning/lunch and evening. Lots of "I miss you", "babe", "sweetie" "kisses"...I haven't had this dynamic with any woman I've dated. So unlike me! WTF?? Have to admit though, I am enjoying it.


I'm jealous.


----------



## firebelly1

I'm an American in Canada and pouty about the fact that I have to work tomorrow and will have to Skype with my oldest daughter who's in Seattle tomorrow night. But I'm going to have a sit-down dinner with my two other kids who came with me to Canada last year, and maybe we'll get to watch our Seahawks tomorrow night after all the skyping. Sigh.


----------



## RandomDude

IT'S FKING HOT DOWN HERE!

Bah! You lucky folks in the northern hemisphere -.-


----------



## Fenix

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!


----------



## moxy

A question about Tinder etiquette: who usually messages first?


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> A question about Tinder etiquette: who usually messages first?


The guy. However, as a guy, I always dig it when a gal takes the initiative. There's a bunch of matches sitting in my inbox I've just never bothered to message.

If you dig the guy, go for it.


----------



## moxy

Healer said:


> The guy. However, as a guy, I always dig it when a gal takes the initiative. There's a bunch of matches sitting in my inbox I've just never bothered to message.
> 
> 
> 
> If you dig the guy, go for it.



There's no one in particular that I'm drawn to, but I was curious about how other people handle it, after reading an article about Tinder dating strategies. I'm not strategic about meeting people, preferring to let things just happen, so it was interesting to read about a different pov.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> There's no one in particular that I'm drawn to, but I was curious about how other people handle it, after reading an article about Tinder dating strategies. I'm not strategic about meeting people, preferring to let things just happen, so it was interesting to read about a different pov.


Do you have a link to the article?


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> A question about Tinder etiquette: who usually messages first?


Gone on 5 dates off Tinder - all but one the guy messaged me first. Oddly, the one I messaged first is the only one I'm still friendly with. 

No specific etiquette, just depends on if you like being the chaser or the chasee. Both have their own perks.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I would think that the same "rules" that apply to other sites would also apply to Tinder? Am I wrong?


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's equal opportunity. One thing I've never understood ... women fought for equal rights (and rightfully so) when it comes to voting, employment etc, yet when it comes to dating it's acceptable to wait for the man to make the move.

If you're looking for something with meaning there is no strategy. Be yourself and things will play out as they may.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Gone on 5 dates off Tinder - all but one the guy messaged me first. Oddly, the one I messaged first is the only one I'm still friendly with.
> 
> No specific etiquette, just depends on if you like being the chaser or the chasee. Both have their own perks.


I don't think that messaging first = chaser. I'll message first, just to get the ball rolling, but after that I expect the guy to respond (obviously), and if we're going to get together, I expect him to initiate that. 

Essentially, after I initiate, he needs to take the lead. I'm done chasing.



06Daddio08 said:


> It's equal opportunity. *One thing I've never understood ... women fought for equal rights (and rightfully so) when it comes to voting, employment etc, yet when it comes to dating it's acceptable to wait for the man to make the move.*
> 
> If you're looking for something with meaning there is no strategy. Be yourself and things will play out as they may.


You know, I've always thought that... but then I'm hearing from every direction that if a guy is into you, he'll pursue you. Guys are hunters, they like to chase, and if you make it too easy for him (by pursuing him), he'll lose interest. A pursuant woman looks needy. Etc etc etc. I read it here, on this thread. On dating advice websites, in books. Everywhere.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Do you have a link to the article?



https://medium.com/@cammipham/cruel...t-2015-matches-in-under-17-hours-dd51cdd5d7fe


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> I don't think that messaging first = chaser. I'll message first, just to get the ball rolling, but after that I expect the guy to respond (obviously), and if we're going to get together, I expect him to initiate that.
> 
> Essentially, after I initiate, he needs to take the lead. I'm done chasing.
> 
> 
> 
> You know, I've always thought that... but then I'm hearing from every direction that if a guy is into you, he'll pursue you. Guys are hunters, they like to chase, and if you make it too easy for him (by pursuing him), he'll lose interest. A pursuant woman looks needy. Etc etc etc. I read it here, on this thread. On dating advice websites, in books. Everywhere.


I agree that being pursued is fun, but in my experience reaching out first sets a precedent. Not saying it's universal, but being the first to reach out usually means being slightly more interested than the other party - for better or worse. 

I mean, what if you reach out first because the other person is smoking hot and you wind up dating a bit and going to bone town? I ain't hatin' on that scenario. I am fully in favor of dating people more attractive than me.


----------



## bravenewworld

Ok sorry but I need to mini-rant. A guy I know who is super hot (seriously, Bradly Cooper hot with abs you can count) has been pursuing me for an FWB situation. We've known each other since college and at first I was like "Um, yes please" BUT we hung out and his personality was terrible. Entitled, condescending, but very witty. That I'll give him. I remember him being more humble in college, but apparently all the working out went to his abs - and head. 

Grrr...so frustrated! I want the sexy time, but I just can't put up with a bad personality for the sexy time. Not sure if I should be proud of myself - or if I'm just stupid. I've showed my friends pics and they've responded with "Damn! Can you tape his mouth shut?"

All my married friends think being single is some kind of sex smorgasboard. If only they knew! It can be so hard to find someone you click with, even for just FWB situations.


----------



## Jellybeans

My toilet has been flushing but only has very low water in the bowl. The tank is full and fine.. 

I snaked it and that seemed to clear something up, however, the water is still low in the bowl. Idk what to do. Should I add water to it? Again, it flushes fine, it just seems to be super low on water. Any ideas/suggestions/advice?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> My toilet has been flushing but only has very low water in the bowl. The tank is full and fine..
> 
> I snaked it and that seemed to clear something up, however, the water is still low in the bowl. Idk what to do. Should I add water to it? Again, it flushes fine, it just seems to be super low on water. Any ideas/suggestions/advice?



You may need to get a new wax seal, reseat the toilet. My questions:

1. What is below the floor where this toilet is located? You want to ensure you don't have leaks around the current wax seal, water has a way of finding the path of least resistance.

2. Do you feel confident in doing a little manual labor? It is actually not that hard to do. I could send you step by step instructions and possible pitfalls to avoid.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> My toilet has been flushing but only has very low water in the bowl. The tank is full and fine..
> 
> I snaked it and that seemed to clear something up, however, the water is still low in the bowl. Idk what to do. Should I add water to it? Again, it flushes fine, it just seems to be super low on water. Any ideas/suggestions/advice?


This is kind of funny, because I am having toilet issues too, lol! The water is draining out of the tank, so when you go to flush, it fills instead of flushing, so you have to stand there a minute til it fills, then you can flush it. Kind of strange though that I cant hear the tank draining or leaking...


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> This is kind of funny, because I am having toilet issues too, lol! The water is draining out of the tank, so when you go to flush, it fills instead of flushing, so you have to stand there a minute til it fills, then you can flush it. Kind of strange though that I cant hear the tank draining or leaking...



Another issue and very common, the flapper that goes up when you flush then covers over the tank hole while it refills gets gunked up and worn out. It may not sound like it is leaking but it could be doing so slowly. However this is accompanied by the toilet running on its own every so often. I change ours every year, but hard water does a job on these poor rubber flappers. Btw, this is very easy to change, but I normally recommend changing out the guts along with this job, also very easy. 

Like Jelly, if it is a faulty wax seal you won't hear the toilet running, but that does not mean it is not leaking.


----------



## 06Daddio08

FeministInPink said:


> You know, I've always thought that... but then I'm hearing from every direction that if a guy is into you, he'll pursue you. Guys are hunters, they like to chase, and if you make it too easy for him (by pursuing him), he'll lose interest. A pursuant woman looks needy. Etc etc etc. I read it here, on this thread. On dating advice websites, in books. Everywhere.


I wouldn't pay much attention to clickbate laid out on the internet with the whole "9 ways to increase your online dating odds! #4 will surprise you!". Half the "articles" are nothing more than revenue generators for saps who get suckered into sharing said "advice" with their friends. No offense to anyone of course. 

Sure, there are primal aspects to dating and relationships but that only goes so far. A woman who's clearly looking to be chased is just as unattractive as a woman who's on the other side of the scale with being far too needy. That goes for men as well. In the end, it's what you want. I'm not sure why everyone is so obsessed with articles from others who simply share their views / perspectives on things. 

Any "strategy" used to gain the affections of someone who is wanted for a LTR will only last so long. Eventually who you are shines through and that's when the conflict begins. Straying away from who you are, even if that person isn't 100% leads nowhere good.


----------



## 06Daddio08

bravenewworld said:


> Ok sorry but I need to mini-rant. A guy I know who is super hot (seriously, Bradly Cooper hot with abs you can count) has been pursuing me for an FWB situation. We've known each other since college and at first I was like "Um, yes please" BUT we hung out and his personality was terrible. Entitled, condescending, but very witty. That I'll give him. I remember him being more humble in college, but apparently all the working out went to his abs - and head.
> 
> Grrr...so frustrated! I want the sexy time, but I just can't put up with a bad personality for the sexy time. *Not sure if I should be proud of myself - or if I'm just stupid. *I've showed my friends pics and they've responded with "Damn! Can you tape his mouth shut?"
> 
> All my married friends think being single is some kind of sex smorgasboard. If only they knew! It can be so hard to find someone you click with, even for just FWB situations.


What do you think when you see someone who's rather attractive treating their significant other like crap? Is it "good for her, he's hot!" or "why would anyone put up with being treated that way?"


----------



## Ikaika

Jelly and 3X,
There are two more logical reasons that the toilet water level could go down. 1. You have a vent line in your house that is plugged so that when you use a sink or some other drain the draining water creates a vacuum and the vent supplys air to break the vacuum. 
2. There is too much water flowing into the toilet on the refill. This wil cause water to leave the bowl for about the same reason as the last one. 

For the last problem, more likely, the refill of the tank you will see a tube running from the refill valve to a small pipe above that flapper I mentioned. If you can find a way to turn down the ammount of water that flows through this tube (it'll depend on the make, and model of the toilet) you'll have solved your problem.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Thanks for the tips!  They are much appreciated!


----------



## moxy

Brave, can you just ignore his attitudes? If you're just in an FWB relationship, does incompatibility of ideology matter?


----------



## bravenewworld

06Daddio08 said:


> What do you think when you see someone who's rather attractive treating their significant other like crap? Is it "good for her, he's hot!" or "why would anyone put up with being treated that way?"


Definitely the latter. I can't stand to see people treat their partner like dump. 90% of the time I am a common sense/no nonsense person - especially with personal relationships. The other 10% of the time, I want to pretend like I'm in some sort of drug store bodice ripper novel. 

Despite the off-putting personality, I can't help but be tempted by the handsome face and sculpted biceps. Le sigh. 



moxy said:


> Brave, can you just ignore his attitudes? If you're just in an FWB relationship, does incompatibility of ideology matter?


It's hard to ignore, he can be a royal pain the butt. I sat through a lunch with him and almost got up from the table. There's just too much posturing and "look at me, I'm hot" attitude. So funny, he was always handsome but went from kinda nerdy to a total bro. I think it stems from insecurity, but I find it hard to tolerate. 

I'm enjoying not dating to focus on myself/goals, but the physical part is so hard to give up! Never thought I'd say this, but I get why people hire prostitutes. Why isn't there a bunny ranch for women??


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Definitely the latter. I can't stand to see people treat their partner like dump. 90% of the time I am a common sense/no nonsense person - especially with personal relationships. The other 10% of the time, I want to pretend like I'm in some sort of drug store bodice ripper novel.
> 
> Despite the off-putting personality, I can't help but be tempted by the handsome face and sculpted biceps. Le sigh.
> 
> 
> 
> It's hard to ignore, he can be a royal pain the butt. I sat through a lunch with him and almost got up from the table. There's just too much posturing and "look at me, I'm hot" attitude. So funny, he was always handsome but went from kinda nerdy to a total bro. I think it stems from insecurity, but I find it hard to tolerate.
> 
> *I'm enjoying not dating to focus on myself/goals, but the physical part is so hard to give up! Never thought I'd say this, but I get why people hire prostitutes. Why isn't there a bunny ranch for women??*


Seriously. I don't want to date a whole bunch of people, I don't really want to be in a relationship. I just want to get laid on a regular basis. A FWB situation is looking more and more appealing, but there's no male F in my life who I'd consider for WB. So even if I want to find a FWB, I'm going to have to get out there and do more dating anyway to meet someone who would be a suitable FWB.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ika... The snake has helped the flushing get back to normal but bowl water is still llove I think it may be a valve issue...or like you said, a vent problem. That's for the tips. 3x hope you got yours fixed.


----------



## Jellybeans

I really did not want to have to pay to have a plumber come out and am happy I got it to flush again. Daddio...I feel sad when I see someone being mistreated or talked down to by their partner. And I wonder why the person tolerates it.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Ika... The snake has helped the flushing get back to normal but bowl water is still llove I think it may be a valve issue...or like you said, a vent problem. That's for the tips. 3x hope you got yours fixed.



Well, hopefully all will be resolved soon. My plumbing project today, dealing with re-plumbing a new Aquaponics setup.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm having waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much sex with FWB since our vacation :scratchhead:

We're getting a little too proficient with each other's bodies it seems, now she's set a standard... bah!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I'm having waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much sex with FWB since our vacation :scratchhead:
> 
> We're getting a little too proficient with each other's bodies it seems, now she's set a standard... bah!


Is there such a thing as too much sex???


----------



## moxy

There is. One has to manage the rest of one's life, too. Imbalance is dangerous.


----------



## Healer

Speaking of sex...Malta and I slept together for the 6th time last night and it was the best so far - the connection happened. It was good off the bat, but the intimacy is starting to really happen now and we connected last night on a new level. Deep staring into each other's eyes and lots of smiling at each other. Quite lovely.


----------



## firebelly1

EMS guy flew in for the weekend which was quite the feat since planes were delayed Friday night for a blizzard. We spent Friday night into Sunday morning in his hotel room only leaving for the occasional meal. Must say it was pretty awesome. 

I have increasingly thought this guy might be LTR material. This weekend he told me he is really...what was the word...enamored? of me. Pretty clear he's thinking I'm LTR material too. Trying to take things slowly. I'm still nervous about picking the wrong person for the wrong reason. 

And then there's my FWB who is also enamored of me. I see me having to make a choice here shortly. FWB would have to go and he would be hurt. 

Side note: I'd picked up EMS guy at the airport so we drove my car to the hotel. This morning he offered to go out in the -20 windchill and shovel snow off my car and warm it up before we drove to the airport to drop him off. LOVE that. Feels really nice to have a man do something like that for me.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> EMS guy flew in for the weekend which was quite the feat since planes were delayed Friday night for a blizzard. We spent Friday night into Sunday morning in his hotel room only leaving for the occasional meal. Must say it was pretty awesome.
> 
> I have increasingly thought this guy might be LTR material. This weekend he told me he is really...what was the word...enamored? of me. Pretty clear he's thinking I'm LTR material too. Trying to take things slowly. I'm still nervous about picking the wrong person for the wrong reason.
> 
> And then there's my FWB who is also enamored of me. I see me having to make a choice here shortly. FWB would have to go and he would be hurt.
> 
> Side note: I'd picked up EMS guy at the airport so we drove my car to the hotel. This morning he offered to go out in the -20 windchill and shovel snow off my car and warm it up before we drove to the airport to drop him off. LOVE that. Feels really nice to have a man do something like that for me.


Sounds like you're enjoying yourself.  Wasn't that blizzard brutal? I thought I was gonna bite it driving home Friday. Scary stuff.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Sounds like you're enjoying yourself.  Wasn't that blizzard brutal? I thought I was gonna bite it driving home Friday. Scary stuff.


Oh my god. Driving to the airport was a nail biter. I had EMS guy drive us to the hotel. I figured being a Canadian ambulance driver for 20 years he probably knew how to drive in Canadian snow better than my Seattle a$$.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



firebelly1 said:


> EMS guy flew in for the weekend which was quite the feat since planes were delayed Friday night for a blizzard. We spent Friday night into Sunday morning in his hotel room only leaving for the occasional meal. Must say it was pretty awesome.
> 
> I have increasingly thought this guy might be LTR material. This weekend he told me he is really...what was the word...enamored? of me. Pretty clear he's thinking I'm LTR material too. Trying to take things slowly. I'm still nervous about picking the wrong person for the wrong reason.
> 
> And then there's my FWB who is also enamored of me. I see me having to make a choice here shortly. FWB would have to go and he would be hurt.
> 
> Side note: I'd picked up EMS guy at the airport so we drove my car to the hotel. This morning he offered to go out in the -20 windchill and shovel snow off my car and warm it up before we drove to the airport to drop him off. LOVE that. Feels really nice to have a man do something like that for me.


Only -20 There? You having a chinook and blizzard at the same time? Is much colder not very far too your East.


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> Only -20 There? You having a chinook and blizzard at the same time? Is much colder not very far too your East.


I was translating to Fahrenheit for our American friends. Or attempting to anyway since I still have a hard time with celsius and fahrenheit conversion. Plus when you get below zero the conversion goes to hell.


----------



## Lon

Oh, gotcha. DegC*9/5+32=degF 😉. And yes it's too damn cold. My GF is working night shifts and there was no room in parkade for her so I last night went to go get her on her break so we could take her car home where she could plug in the block heater. She caught a ride home this morning from a coworker.


----------



## firebelly1

Lon said:


> Oh, gotcha. DegC*9/5+32=degF 😉. And yes it's too damn cold. My GF is working night shifts and there was no room in parkade for her so I last night went to go get her on her break so we could take her car home where she could plug in the block heater. She caught a ride home this morning from a coworker.


Good man Lon.


----------



## ne9907

All this talk about sexy time has me high all the time! Just kidding. I had a great weekend. Plans emerged! 
I am taking a trip to Peru (Machu Picchu) in January!
I ended things with navy guy. He got kinda dramatic... I called him a couple of times but he never answered so I sent him a text. 
Just pretty much saying that I get he doesn't have time for me and I wished him good luck in all his endeavors!

He responded extremely dramatic, how he has been really busy with family blah, blah, blah, and that I am making excuses because I knew how busy he is! oh and that if I want to see other people to just say it!

Seriously guys.... seeing other people is not part of my plan!!

Also, I had a dream that one of the Greek Fates was following me. I cannot remember if she was helping or hindering my path. She was sort of guiding me to the bluest river I have ever seen. I wish I could remember more.


----------



## moxy

Still talking to Tinder guy, but between his crazy schedule and my crazy schedule, we have not been able to go out, yet. After all this chatting, though, it might be more like staying in. 😳 I'm very attracted to him, but...I'm not thinking with my heart or my head right now. I met someone else on Tinder who is also nice and might be more long-term compatible, in some respects, but he seems to be all about the sexy talk and while you all know how much I like that, I also kinda wanna get to know him before all of that; so, I'm trying to find a polite way to explain that the romantic stuff is lovely, but feels a little too soon because we haven't met in person, yet. He seems to really dig the romance part of it all; that's new for me.


----------



## blues_man

I guess I'll throw my hat in the ring too. 62, tall, pretty good looking guitarmaker and guitarist. I am now homesick for wherever "home" is. I am a westerner back in florida. :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Is there such a thing as too much sex???





moxy said:


> There is. One has to manage the rest of one's life, too. Imbalance is dangerous.


Tis true, thankfully my drive is gradually going back to my pre-vacation pace. I seem to get super horny when I'm away from the grind for some reason.


----------



## firebelly1

Yes...when one is in vacation (or weekend) mode, it's easy to have sex three or four times a day, right?  I'm bragging. I have wondered if, given the opportunity, I would be an every day gal. More than willing to try it out. Seems one could find time to fit in a little sex every day.


----------



## Healer

blues_man said:


> I guess I'll throw my hat in the ring too. 62, tall, pretty good looking guitarmaker and guitarist. I am now homesick for wherever "home" is. I am a westerner back in florida. :scratchhead:


Another guitarist added to the mix - welcome!

I am currently lusting after a Martin D28. Somebody stop me.


----------



## ne9907

Welcome blues man. I play guitar as well.


----------



## blues_man

Many thanks for the welcomes.


----------



## Healer

Missing my band now. Here's a few of us opening for the Barenaked Ladies this summer. Good times.


----------



## moxy

Do you guys ever get nervous about going on dates? I wasn't really nervous with Guy until I started to develop feelings for him, but that's probably because we'd seen each other around and a first date wasn't a first meeting. It's different when you are going to meet someone for the first time, I think. How do you all deal with the nerves?


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Do you guys ever get nervous about going on dates? I wasn't really nervous with Guy until I started to develop feelings for him, but that's probably because we'd seen each other around and a first date wasn't a first meeting. It's different when you are going to meet someone for the first time, I think. How do you all deal with the nerves?


I might get excited, but I don't think that I get nervous... the way I figure, either he likes me or he doesn't, and there's not much I can do about that either way, so why worry?

I mean, I went through a divorce--the worst thing I ever thought imagineable--and I survived, and am better for it. So if one guy decides he doesn't like me? Whatever, that's peanuts to me now.


----------



## FeministInPink

In other news, I have a first date--a lunch date--tomorrow with a guy I met on *******. We IM'ed for five hours last night, and things got a little... hot? I almost blew him off when he initially messaged me, because he didn't have any pics on his profile (but he immediately obliged when I asked), and I'm really glad that I didn't. I actually ignored his first message when he IM'ed me a couple days ago, but he tried again, which I think is a good sign.

EDIT: Oh, and I probably have a second date on Wednesday evening for drinks with a different guy. I've been chatting with him for a while now, on and off, maybe for two weeks? He's been pursuant of me, but only actually made the ask last night. He's hinted around it, and I think he wanted to see if I would suggest it. But I stuck to my guns, I'm not doing any more chasing. If he wants to see me, he needs to make it happen. (His nickname for me is "busy girl"--so I think he gets that I'm not going to wait around on a guy.)


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Do you guys ever get nervous about going on dates?
> 
> How do you all deal with the nerves?


Yep. I get nervous and excited. I always pray the person is not a crazy ass and that conversation doesn't suck. 

As far as dealing with the nerves, I just swallow them. Or try as best as I can. Face the nerves/fear!



FeministInPink said:


> In other news, I have a first date--a lunch date--tomorrow with a guy
> 
> EDIT: Oh, and I probably have a second date on Wednesday evening for drinks with a different guy.
> 
> But I stuck to my guns, I'm not doing any more chasing. If he wants to see me, he needs to make it happen.


Good on ya, FIP. I hope you have a nice time!


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Do you guys ever get nervous about going on dates? I wasn't really nervous with Guy until I started to develop feelings for him, but that's probably because we'd seen each other around and a first date wasn't a first meeting. It's different when you are going to meet someone for the first time, I think. How do you all deal with the nerves?


Ive only gotten nervous on two different occasions. But I usually get over the nervousness pretty quickly.

I just act myself, be myself, and like FiP said, if they dont like you there is not much you can do.

Good luck!~


----------



## Ikaika

If I were not a party crasher here and had to endure dating game, especially at my age, I would likely be more nervous than excited to date. I am so different now, now that I am the person I have become:

I would worry about the sudden cling on person, or the person who said too much or too little. It is not as if I am that intelligent, but a deer caught in the headlights look during a conversation, ugh. What now? It is not that I assume the worst in people or that I have some high metric to meet, I guess I don't want to have to change someone to be a companion. No doubt, she would have to be older, close to my age. Someone who is confident and sure of who she is and not someone who needs to compensate for a fault. We all have faults, I don't expect perfection. 

I would easily talk myself out of any date well before it happened. I know I ask too much


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> I would worry about the sudden cling on person, or the person who said too much or too little. It is not as if I am that intelligent, but a deer caught in the headlights look during a conversation, ugh. What now?


LOL. These are all things people who are dating worry about.

Nothing worse than a stage-5 clinger!!!!!!! Hahaha. Or a really bad date.


----------



## ne9907

It is finally raining in SoCal! I love the rain, i absolutely love it!!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

moxy said:


> Do you guys ever get nervous about going on dates? I wasn't really nervous with Guy until I started to develop feelings for him, but that's probably because we'd seen each other around and a first date wasn't a first meeting. It's different when you are going to meet someone for the first time, I think. How do you all deal with the nerves?


I started online dating about a year ago and I was really nervous on the first date I went on. I was the one who originally sent her a message and in the end asked her out for brunch, I set up the location. We ended up shutting the place down (talked for 3-4 hours) as the restaurant wasn't open for dinner. A second date was set up, we had a great time but I felt things wouldn't be going beyond that. In the end I was more nervous about ending things as it was another first for me, it was polite and we went on our separate ways.

In the end I went on 7-8 different online dates in about 8 months time. I started to create a method and near the end I began to be less 'hopeful' of finding someone. Instead I focused on the fact that I was meeting a variety of different women and used that to try and figure out what it was I was looking for.

Then by chance I ran into someone I had once known a few years ago, we set up plans to get together the following day and I found myself feeling completely comfortable. I believe that was based on the fact that I went into it without any expectations or desires. She jumped me later that night, and we dated for a couple months . We aren't seeing each other anymore, occasional contact but it's been a learning experience that's for sure.

So, to answer your question. I deal with the nerves by focusing on the fact that at the end of the day it's an experience and if something comes of it, great. If not, well, that's okay as well.

Unfortunately, what I've learned is that once I allow myself to start feeling for someone ... that method for the nerves doesn't really hold ground. Something I've had to work on in the last while. Haha.


----------



## firebelly1

moxy said:


> Do you guys ever get nervous about going on dates? I wasn't really nervous with Guy until I started to develop feelings for him, but that's probably because we'd seen each other around and a first date wasn't a first meeting. It's different when you are going to meet someone for the first time, I think. How do you all deal with the nerves?


For sure, although having gone on a few dates over the last year, it's gotten better because I've learned to just not get my hopes up too high. In fact, odds being what they are, I go in assuming it probably won't work out. I practice my little "I'm not feeling it" speech. That attitude actually helps my nervousness a LOT. And when I AM feeling it, it's like a pleasant surprise. Maybe seems kind of a bummer, but it's more practical than pessimistic.


----------



## firebelly1

Here's a question: what do you get a man you just started dating for Christmas? 

Random Dude - I'm curious if you are getting FWB anything for Christmas, and if so, what?


----------



## Ikaika

firebelly1 said:


> For sure, although having gone on a few dates over the last year, it's gotten better because I've learned to just not get my hopes up too high. In fact, odds being what they are, I go in assuming it probably won't work out. I practice my little "I'm not feeling it" speech. That attitude actually helps my nervousness a LOT. And when I AM feeling it, it's like a pleasant surprise. Maybe seems kind of a bummer, but it's more practical than pessimistic.



http://youtu.be/v_CgPsGY5Mw


----------



## firebelly1

Ikaika said:


> French Model Commercial (CC) Full-length - YouTube


Exactly.


----------



## Healer

I don't really get too nervous - maybe a little about if it's going to be awkward or if there's nothing to talk about...but I'm always super confident on dates. You have to be.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> Here's a question: what do you get a man you just started dating for Christmas?
> 
> Random Dude - I'm curious if you are getting FWB anything for Christmas, and if so, what?


I am, but it wouldn't be anything too extravagant. Note too that I'm an xmas baby so during xmas I'm mostly pouting about Jesus stealing all my bday attention every year -.-


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> For sure, although having gone on a few dates over the last year, it's gotten better because I've learned to just not get my hopes up too high. In fact, odds being what they are, I go in assuming it probably won't work out. I practice my little "I'm not feeling it" speech. That attitude actually helps my nervousness a LOT. And when I AM feeling it, it's like a pleasant surprise. Maybe seems kind of a bummer, but it's more practical than pessimistic.


This is how I got about it too. I stopped being nervous when date after date went nowhere, and went into them with zero expectations after a bit.


----------



## Jellybeans

firebelly1 said:


> Here's a question: what do you get a man you just started dating for Christmas?


What does he like?


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> In other news, I have a first date--a lunch date--tomorrow with a guy I met on *******. We IM'ed for five hours last night, and things got a little... hot? I almost blew him off when he initially messaged me, because he didn't have any pics on his profile (but he immediately obliged when I asked), and I'm really glad that I didn't. I actually ignored his first message when he IM'ed me a couple days ago, but he tried again, which I think is a good sign.
> 
> EDIT: Oh, and I probably have a second date on Wednesday evening for drinks with a different guy. I've been chatting with him for a while now, on and off, maybe for two weeks? He's been pursuant of me, but only actually made the ask last night. He's hinted around it, and I think he wanted to see if I would suggest it. But I stuck to my guns, I'm not doing any more chasing. If he wants to see me, he needs to make it happen. (His nickname for me is "busy girl"--so I think he gets that I'm not going to wait around on a guy.)


I am pretty excited about my lunch date with OKC guy today. We talked on Gchat again last night, and things were getting pretty hot and heavy... either one of two things is going to happen: 1) one, or both of us, will be disappointed when we meet in person, or 2) we'll have a hard time not pawing at each other across the table 

Personally, I'm hoping for the latter. I think I like being chased...

As for the second guy, in the EDIT above... Texted me this morning and said that this week was pretty hectic, and can we postpone until next week? I haven't responded yet. I'm getting a little irritated with his lack of follow-through, TBH. But I don't want to shut him down if it's a legitimate "this week is crazy."


----------



## firebelly1

Jellybeans said:


> What does he like?


I don't know. That's the problem with someone you just started dating, right? I don't know what he really likes.


----------



## Jellybeans

If it's really really fresh (like a week or two weeks old), maybe don't get him anything? Or something simple like an inexpensive gift card to Starbucks (if he likes coffee).

How long you been dating?


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> I don't know. That's the problem with someone you just started dating, right? I don't know what he really likes.


There are still lots of options that are a little more general that might work.

--if he's into sports (basketball or ice hockey, this time of year), you could buy tickets for the two of you to see a game (as long as it's not more than a week or two away, dont' want to put too much pressure on)

--if he's a foodie kind of guy or likes to cook, you could go to a gourmet or specialty shop and get some cool infused olive oils, or maybe something interesting like chili chocolate

--If he's the kind of guy who's really into self-grooming, I've heard that the Art of Shaving intro kit is a good gift.

--If he likes reading, you hopefully know what types of books he likes to read. Buy him a book you've read recently in a similar vein that you've enjoyed and think he would like. Even if he's already read it (or owns it), he'll appreciate it.

--This is a personal favorite. Does he like Star Wars, superheroes, and/or has a quirky set of humor? Then check out the photos here, here, and here, or browse through the gallery for more options. Any photo can be printed on a mug, and they're good quality. He's a photographer who's local to me, but he ships anywhere. This one is my favorite, and I have it in my cupboard. It was intended as a gift for someone else, but I decided to keep it for myself.

--If you need something generic, a nice assortment of Godiva or Lindt chocolates is a good option.

--Wrap yourself in red lingerie, and let him unwrap YOU. (You might want to make this an extra gift, rather than the main thing...)

Hope that helps


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> If it's really really fresh (like a week or two weeks old), maybe don't get him anything? Or something simple like an inexpensive gift card to Starbucks (if he likes coffee).
> 
> How long you been dating?


True enough, but if they've been dating for 2 weeks now, that means by Christmas they'll have been dating for 5+ weeks...


----------



## Ikaika

firebelly1 said:


> I don't know. That's the problem with someone you just started dating, right? I don't know what he really likes.



Hint: men we like food and ______


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> True enough, but if they've been dating for 2 weeks now, that means by Christmas they'll have been dating for 5+ weeks...


Yeah but what do you get someone at 5 weeks? It's too early to go overboard and yet you don't want to give something like "coupon for a free hug." HAHA.

I guess, new relationships + gifts = hard to shop for.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah but what do you get someone at 5 weeks? It's too early to go overboard and yet you don't want to give something like "coupon for a free hug." HAHA.
> 
> 
> 
> I guess, new relationships + gifts = hard to shop for.



Food, I tell you, food. We are simple creatures. 

My wife made me a giant chocolate chip cookie (albeit a healthy one) this last November for my birthday, it was the second best present.


----------



## Healer

Don't get them anything. Tell them Satan doesn't allow you to celebrate Christmas. That's a true test - if they accept your allegiance to the Dark Lord, they're a keeper.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

A subscription to a magazine/topic he likes (plus every month he'll remember you)

A book about a topic of interest/hobby

Tickets to a game that he likes (and guarantees a future date where he'll take you)

You can joke that his gift is another date with you and give him a gift card to a restaurant and to a movie theater for a date night.

Something practical like good work gloves for cold weather or a hat. 

A jersey for his favorite team/player/sport

None of those are too personal or too expensive.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> A subscription to a magazine/topic he likes (plus every month he'll remember you)
> 
> A book about a topic of interest/hobby
> 
> Tickets to a game that he likes (and guarantees a future date where he'll take you)
> 
> You can joke that his gift is another date with you and give him a gift card to a restaurant and to a movie theater for a date night.
> 
> Something practical like good work gloves for cold weather or a hat.
> 
> A jersey for his favorite team/player/sport
> 
> None of those are too personal or too expensive.



Oooo, I like the tickets to the game, the jersey or magazine not so much. Cheering like hell and of course eating concession food, that is awesome.


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> Oooo, I like the tickets to the game, the jersey or magazine not so much. Cheering like hell and of course eating concession food, that is awesome.


The other thing I like about the ticket idea is that it's something you can do together.

Personally, I like gifts that involved activities or food... basically, "unstuff" gifts. I've already got enough stuff.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> Food, I tell you, food. We are simple creatures.
> 
> My wife made me a giant chocolate chip cookie (albeit a healthy one) this last November for my birthday, it was the second best present.


Haha. That is cute.

I also love food. I never say no to CHEESE!!! I have a field day at Wegman's.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. That is cute.
> 
> I also love food. I never say no to CHEESE!!! I have a field day at Wegman's.


OMG, the Wegman's cheese shop... the Wegman's cheese shop... I swoon...


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Side note, I'm thankful for you guys.

Male BFF (for lack of better word) called last week - trouble in paradise with new girl. Bounced some stuff off me. Personally I think she sounds bipolar, rude and self-centered but I didn't want to sound like I was putting her down so he'd come back to me.

I tried to be very objective and told him to talk to her about the assorted issues. Then apparently right after that they had a bad couple days. I can see where this is going and thanks to you guys I see LOTS of red flags where before I'd be more inclined to make excuses. 

Subject came around to me/us because I suggested he not make unilateral decisions without talking to her. He said the real reason he didn't want more with me was my weight. I said it was just as well because I could see some things that would be a problem. He asked what. I mentioned the kissing. He said it wouldn't be a problem (???? does he mean now that I'm thin he WOULD kiss????) and I said just as well he didn't tell me back then because I needed to make the change for ME, not for HIM or anyone.

He ended up talking to her and getting back together. I don't see that happening for long. Bet I'll get a call from him looking for advice.

I find it amusing that he is doing this and that I'm his best buddy and now I'm in shape enough for him to be attracted but too late! I'm not going to go backwards and certainly not now. HA. Now I look great and he can't have it. Should have stuck with loving the inside and the outside would have come around.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> OMG, the Wegman's cheese shop... the Wegman's cheese shop... I swoon...


Haha. I remember the first time I went in there, I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. I wanted to sit in all the parmesan bowls.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Side note, I'm thankful for you guys.
> 
> Male BFF (for lack of better word) called last week - trouble in paradise with new girl. Bounced some stuff off me. Personally I think she sounds bipolar, rude and self-centered but I didn't want to sound like I was putting her down so he'd come back to me.
> 
> I tried to be very objective and told him to talk to her about the assorted issues. Then apparently right after that they had a bad couple days. I can see where this is going and thanks to you guys I see LOTS of red flags where before I'd be more inclined to make excuses.
> 
> Subject came around to me/us because I suggested he not make unilateral decisions without talking to her. He said the real reason he didn't want more with me was my weight. I said it was just as well because I could see some things that would be a problem. He asked what. I mentioned the kissing. He said it wouldn't be a problem (???? does he mean now that I'm thin he WOULD kiss????) and I said just as well he didn't tell me back then because I needed to make the change for ME, not for HIM or anyone.
> 
> He ended up talking to her and getting back together. I don't see that happening for long. Bet I'll get a call from him looking for advice.
> 
> I find it amusing that he is doing this and that I'm his best buddy and now I'm in shape enough for him to be attracted but too late! I'm not going to go backwards and certainly not now. HA. Now I look great and he can't have it. Should have stuck with loving the inside and the outside would have come around.



Oh yea, Enjoli has got it going on. :yay:


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> Subject came around to me/us because I suggested he not make unilateral decisions without talking to her. He said the real reason he didn't want more with me was my weight. I said it was just as well because I could see some things that would be a problem. He asked what. I mentioned the kissing. He said it wouldn't be a problem (???? does he mean now that I'm thin he WOULD kiss????) and I said just as well he didn't tell me back then because I needed to make the change for ME, not for HIM or anyone.
> 
> He ended up talking to her and getting back together. I don't see that happening for long. Bet I'll get a call from him looking for advice.
> 
> I find it amusing that he is doing this and that I'm his best buddy and now I'm in shape enough for him to be attracted but too late! I'm not going to go backwards and certainly not now. HA. Now I look great and he can't have it. Should have stuck with loving the inside and the outside would have come around.


Omg! Seriously, wow. Enjo, even if you were as skinny as Taylor Swift, he still was NOT into kissing and that is TOTALLY weird. You were simply not compatible in that sense. 

Good on you for telling him to talk to her about their issues and shoring up your boundaries. And I've no doubt you will hear from him again.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Haha. I remember the first time I went in there, I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. I wanted to sit in all the parmesan bowls.



Never heard of Wegman's. I like my fish and poi 

http://youtu.be/pGpteUCfJJQ


----------



## Jellybeans

3x - did you ever hear from that loser again who was dating like 3 of you at the same time? The one you guys confronted? LOL


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> Never heard of Wegman's. I like my fish and poi


You MUST go if you get the chance. It's like food shopping paradise.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> You MUST go if you get the chance. It's like food shopping paradise.



Is it an east coast thing? We will be making out way back to CT for a trip again soon.


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw, man, yeah it is. I never knew that. But I looked on their stores and yep, only east coast: New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Maryland, and Virginia. Well, if you are ever in one of those places, try it out.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Aw, man, yeah it is. I never knew that. But I looked on their stores and yep, only east coast: New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Maryland, and Virginia. Well, if you are ever in one of those places, try it out.



Ok, but east coast is cold right now. May have to wait till warmer weather. This island boy's blood runs thin


----------



## movealong

It is good to come catch up on all the Single TAM'ers after the holiday. I stayed busy and had a really good Thanksgiving. I went to the home of the woman I am dating with her friends and family, and she invited my two sons as well. My daughter went to her mother's for the holiday.

We bought our tree yesterday and set it up, then decorated around the house. Even though the stepkids are not going to be here for Christmas, I hung their stockings as I normally would so that my daughter has some continuity. And, you never know, they may stop by. I can hope. 

As we were decorating I asked what she wanted to do for Christmas and she said she only wants to spend a few days up there and come home on Christmas day because that will be "all she can stand", lol. I rarely ask her about specifics of her visits, so when she comes out with something like that it makes me wonder. I did ask if she was just bored or didn't like it up there and she said "both".

Life is good and I am happy. Hope you all are, too.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nice, Movealong!  What color did you do your tree?


----------



## movealong

We used a lot of the "family" ornaments from years past, then trimmed it out with blue tinsel and topped it with a silver wire frame star. Yes, we're Cowboys fans, lol!

I meant to say above that when I asked her where she wanted to spend New Year's Eve, my daughter rolled her eyes and said "You have to ask?".


----------



## ne9907

EnjoliWoman said:


> Side note, I'm thankful for you guys.
> 
> Male BFF (for lack of better word) called last week - trouble in paradise with new girl. Bounced some stuff off me. Personally I think she sounds bipolar, rude and self-centered but I didn't want to sound like I was putting her down so he'd come back to me.
> 
> I tried to be very objective and told him to talk to her about the assorted issues. Then apparently right after that they had a bad couple days. I can see where this is going and thanks to you guys I see LOTS of red flags where before I'd be more inclined to make excuses.
> 
> Subject came around to me/us because I suggested he not make unilateral decisions without talking to her. He said the real reason he didn't want more with me was my weight. I said it was just as well because I could see some things that would be a problem. He asked what. I mentioned the kissing. He said it wouldn't be a problem (???? does he mean now that I'm thin he WOULD kiss????) and I said just as well he didn't tell me back then because I needed to make the change for ME, not for HIM or anyone.
> 
> He ended up talking to her and getting back together. I don't see that happening for long. Bet I'll get a call from him looking for advice.
> 
> I find it amusing that he is doing this and that I'm his best buddy and now I'm in shape enough for him to be attracted but too late! I'm not going to go backwards and certainly not now. HA. Now I look great and he can't have it. *Should have stuck with loving the inside and the outside would have come around*.


Exactly

I would be pretty sad if the reason a man does not date me is because of my weight. It says a lot about you that you still chose to be friends with him, it says you are a strong woman. I would not have the fortitute.

I am feeling crummy this morning. I am getting sick (that is what I get for dancing in the rain yesterday!) 
Also, I think I am a bit jealous because the guy at work who sent me a naked pic of himself is already in a full blown relationship with a woman he met on Tinder. I am not jealous because I want him. I am jealous because I want what he has found. I wish I had his fortitute and resilience to move forward so easily after a failed relationship.

Movealong--- so very happy for you!!


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> It is good to come catch up on all the Single TAM'ers after the holiday. I stayed busy and had a really good Thanksgiving. I went to the home of the woman I am dating with her friends and family, and she invited my two sons as well. My daughter went to her mother's for the holiday.
> 
> We bought our tree yesterday and set it up, then decorated around the house. Even though the stepkids are not going to be here for Christmas, I hung their stockings as I normally would so that my daughter has some continuity. And, you never know, they may stop by. I can hope.
> 
> As we were decorating I asked what she wanted to do for Christmas and she said she only wants to spend a few days up there and come home on Christmas day because *that will be "all she can stand", lol. I rarely ask her about specifics of her visits, so when she comes out with something like that it makes me wonder.* I did ask if she was just bored or didn't like it up there and she said "both".
> 
> Life is good and I am happy. Hope you all are, too.


Don't read into this too much. It could be any number of things, but I feel the same as her about going home for the holidays. For me, a big part of it is because my mother is toxic, and I just can't be around her for very long.

Whatever it is, it will come out eventually, when she's ready. 

Glad you're doing well, and that you're happy


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I think I am a bit jealous because the guy at work who sent me a naked pic of himself is already in a full blown relationship with a woman he met on Tinder. I am not jealous because I want him. I!


Colleagues sending nudies? I seriously wonder about people. I would never send a co-worker pictures of my bits! WTH is wrong with people?? 

I wouldn't feel jealous, Ne. So he's dating on Tinder. So can you.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Colleagues sending nudies? I seriously wonder about people. I would never send a co-worker pictures of my bits! WTH is wrong with people??
> 
> I wouldn't feel jealous, Ne. So he's dating on Tinder. So can you.



This really shows my age. Sending nudies, geez. I can wait for intimate moments for such revealing. I much rather a pic in an elegant gown with just the right earrings to round out her face. Ok ok, I have a thing for earrings


----------



## Jellybeans

Well I am a little bit younger than you, Ika(lol) and I still don't understand sending pictures like that to people you work with in a professional environment. It's stupid. And totally unprofessional.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Well I am a little bit younger than you, Ika(lol) and I still don't understand sending pictures like that to people you work with in a professional environment. It's stupid. And totally unprofessional.



Very true.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> 3x - did you ever hear from that loser again who was dating like 3 of you at the same time? The one you guys confronted? LOL


Haha, NOPE!  But she and I are still friends!


----------



## Ikaika

I have bigger issues. My sons basketball team got beat badly last Saturday. And, recently some kids on the team were putting it on him for that loss and a few others. He is getting discourage and taking it hard. They have another game this evening. I am simply try to get him to understand this is a team sport, won and loss as a team. Solution - move your feet toward the pass, get your teammates (leadership) to move before passing and establishing position (heart and soul). 

A lot of life lessons and not just about basketball, digging deep under adversity, standing up for yourself and realizing when you lose you can will get back up. Oh the gift and struggles of fatherhood, heart break mixed with worry and immense humility. But, for me never a regret. I just hope I am doing ok, but sometimes I don't think so.


----------



## firebelly1

Okay...so I like the sports tickets idea in theory but guy I'm dating is a bit long distance so if I buy tickets to something there is also travel expenses and hotel, etc. Buying or making food for someone seems generic to me. I make truffles for Christmas every year and give them to my coworkers no matter how close I am to them so, I don't see food as a really personal type gift. I want the gift to be somewhat personal, but not TOO since we just started seeing each other and also something he might be able to take back with him on a plane. If he ends up driving, I might buy him a couple of bottles of his favorite wine, but apparently he can't take them on a plane?


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> Okay...so I like the sports tickets idea in theory but guy I'm dating is a bit long distance so if I buy tickets to something there is also travel expenses and hotel, etc. Buying or making food for someone seems generic to me. I make truffles for Christmas every year and give them to my coworkers no matter how close I am to them so, I don't see food as a really personal type gift. I want the gift to be somewhat personal, but not TOO since we just started seeing each other and also something he might be able to take back with him on a plane. If he ends up driving, I might buy him a couple of bottles of his favorite wine, but apparently he can't take them on a plane?


If he'll already be coming to see you, can you buy tickets for something that will happen while he's there?


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> I have bigger issues. My sons basketball team got beat badly last Saturday. And, recently some kids on the team were putting it on him for that loss and a few others. He is getting discourage and taking it hard. They have another game this evening. I am simply try to get him to understand this is a team sport, won and loss as a team. Solution - move your feet toward the pass, get your teammates (leadership) to move before passing and establishing position (heart and soul).
> 
> A lot of life lessons and not just about basketball, digging deep under adversity, standing up for yourself and realizing when you lose you can will get back up. Oh the gift and struggles of fatherhood, heart break mixed with worry and immense humility. But, for me never a regret. I just hope I am doing ok, but sometimes I don't think so.


You can only do your best, and that's what it sounds like you're doing, from what I read in your post. And even when you do your best, everyone's bound to make mistakes sometimes, so don't beat yourself up. If you do a good job most of the time, you're still doing a good job


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Well I am a little bit younger than you, Ika(lol) and I still don't understand sending pictures like that to people you work with in a professional environment. It's stupid. And totally unprofessional.


:iagree: Some people just don't understand what is appropriate and what is not. It's something that most people learn over time, incrementally... but some people never really get it.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, NOPE!  But she and I are still friends!


Haha. Awesome! :smthumbup:



Ikaika said:


> I am simply try to get him to understand this is a team sport, won and loss as a team. Solution - move your feet toward the pass, get your teammates (leadership) to move before passing and establishing position (heart and soul).


That's good advice. Also, let him know they won't win every game--that it is a team effort, the blame never relies solely on one person (Whether they win or lose). If they mouth off to him tell him to stand up for himself. Jerks! Lol



FeministInPink said:


> f he'll already be coming to see you, can you buy tickets for something that will happen while he's there?


Ooh. I like this idea. Concert? Play? Winery/craft festival?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Ooh. I like this idea. Concert? Play? Winery/craft festival?



Concert is a great idea. For me - It may be hard to believe "this Hawaiian boy" who likes his luau plate, fish and poi, the ocean, wearing shorts and t-shirt most of the time also likes the opera. 

Last time my wife and I went to the opera... What a turn on... Ok I will behave. 

Maybe he too likes the opera.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> If he'll already be coming to see you, can you buy tickets for something that will happen while he's there?


We already have plans for when he's coming to visit - including my company Christmas party. The plans will include your red lingerie idea.  So, really, he will be getting free food and ____ already. But, you know. A little something extra to take back home would be nice.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Do you have one of those places that lets you bring a bottle of wine and you work on a painting with the guidance of an instructor? That's not super expensive, something to do together, fun and taking it back doesn't require a lot of room AND you'll both have a similar painting to remind you of each other. We have a couple different places that offer that here but you have to sign up early and make a reservation.


----------



## firebelly1

I haven't heard of that. Sounds fun.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

firebelly1 said:


> I haven't heard of that. Sounds fun.


They seem to be in lots of major cities but I don't know if there are any near you:

https://www.paintingwithatwist.com/


----------



## FeministInPink

Or you could just stay at home with some wine and get some body paint instead...

I'm being wicked. Totally have sex on the brain today.

:FIREdevil: Hee hee hee.


----------



## firebelly1

Enjoli - I'm still shaking my head over your BFF's comments. On the one hand, I think it is just natural to be attracted to who and what we are attracted to and so now it's clear he wasn't attracted to you when you were heavier and the no kissing thing makes more sense. On the other hand, what an idiot for telling you what he was really thinking. If a guy told me that, we would be done. If he had any thoughts of having a chance with you, he would have kept his trap shut.


----------



## Ikaika

http://youtu.be/tyPDQpel8bI


----------



## ne9907

I would totally marry Stephen hawking. Finally reading his "a brief history of time" 
Even though I am sick, I cannot put it down!!!!!!!


----------



## moxy

"A Brief History of Time" is definitely good.


----------



## moxy

I just had a deliriously fun first phone/facetime date. I'm a bit smitten already and we haven't even gone out yet (though the plan is to do so on Saturday). I feel like I've known him for ages, not just a couple of weeks; we had such easy and free and flirtatious conversation. Seriously, I am going to fall asleep smiling. Who knows if this will go anywhere, but he seems to like me and I think I like him. I hope it translates into chemistry in person, too.


----------



## RandomDude

Uh oh, foxy moxy has butterflies!

Wait, you can get butterflies online? :scratchhead:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

firebelly1 said:


> Enjoli - I'm still shaking my head over your BFF's comments. On the one hand, I think it is just natural to be attracted to who and what we are attracted to and so now it's clear he wasn't attracted to you when you were heavier and the no kissing thing makes more sense. On the other hand, what an idiot for telling you what he was really thinking. If a guy told me that, we would be done. If he had any thoughts of having a chance with you, he would have kept his trap shut.


Well I admit it stung a bit but I didn't let him know that. I was just giving him some advice on his current situation and said when it was us, his making a decisions about 'us' without even asking ME about moving/kiddo/housing stuff (his "reason" back then) was counter productive and to not assume it won't work with new girl because of XYZ until he talks with her. That's when he said the issues he gave with us weren't the real reasons and asked if I really wanted to know why so I said "sure". After he said it was my weight I said (thanks TAM) that he couldn't help what he is attracted to, shrugged and moved on. And right then I was done in my mind. He is bald, shorter than my usual guy, has a tummy pooch and a perma double chin (one you can't help even if you're thin - and I'm a sucker for a strong chin/jaw line).

He did comment how good I was looking. I was a little heavier than this when I first met him. Just bought the first pair of size 12 jeans I've had since before kiddo was born nearly 16 years ago. Wore them today.  When I started my healthier living I was a size 16W/18W and I was probably a regular size 14 when we first met so I'd guess I'd put on 40 pounds over the course of our friendship. 

Assuming I meet someone, I will be aware of how weight affects attraction and sex and will make a big effort to maintain the loss and keep up with the activity and hopefully be active WITH the next guy. But he doesn't deserve to reap the rewards.


----------



## Twistedheart

EnjoliWoman said:


> But he doesn't deserve to reap the rewards.


Good for you. Kick his a$$ to the curb!


----------



## Ikaika

Twistedheart said:


> Good for you. Kick his a$$ to the curb!



Exactly.


----------



## Ikaika

Enjoli knows when she has the money to visit, I have male relatives, Polynesian (synonymous with good looking ) who are be deserving of the grand rewards


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Uh oh, foxy moxy has butterflies!
> 
> Wait, you can get butterflies online? :scratchhead:


Yes, you can... 

My ******* lunch date from yesterday (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/79153-singles-tam-1690.html#post11107617) had to postpone until Friday because of a last-minute meeting with higher-ups, but he called he and we talked for a bit after his second meeting ended. And then we chatted online last night for a good while. He seems confident that we're going to have good chemistry in person, but NOW I'm starting to get nervous that we won't. 

We've had all this great build-up online and over the phone... I don't want to be disappointed in person.

OK, so now I'm getting nervous for a first date, y'all.


----------



## moxy

I think you can get butterflies online (example: EMotional Affairs). However, I talked to the guy on the phone and on FaceTime, so it wasn't just online interaction that put me in this situation. 

Initially, I hadn't really noticed him, just thought he was kinda handsome, but our emotional chemistry is so wonderful that I'm really glad we talked. 

I'm nervous that it won't be the same in person. I liked him so much that my attention has been totally displaced from the guy I was talking to before (the one who said the awkward stuff on social media) and even from my local crush. I don't want to lose this happy feeling.

Also, I'm afraid to accept the butterflies, but, when I held back with Guy, it backfired on me and, so I don't want to do that again with someone now who seems more compatible with me on a number of non-physical levels than Guy was. I seldom worry about whether someone else will like me, unless I've got the feels. But then, I think dates make me more nervous than other social interactions do.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Well, guess that's one thing that I may never understand, then again I find it hard to get butterflies offline anyway so heh, don't mind me...

You have to accept the butterflies though, trying to fight them only makes them flutter around even harder! Which errr... does end up with having the opposite result - like being blindly smitten! Tis annoying!

Blasted butterflies! Bah!


----------



## ne9907

I have not gotten butterflies yet....

I want some butterflies please!

I am twisted, after ending things with Navy and his weird acceptance now I want him..... 
I know why I want him, stupid FOO (!!) issues. I even called him once, no reply, no surprise, and have texted him twice.

That is my limit. I shall not continue to contact him. I am acting like a crazy ex girlfriend! I am totally psycho sometimes.....

I will delete his number.


----------



## moxy

Tonight, I went to a concert that I enjoyed. Then, another phone/FaceTime date with the man I've been talking to. Seriously...I really hope we like each other in person as much as we do on camera and phone because I am really into him and I'll be really sad if there's no physical chemistry. I'm trying really hard to just accept my feelings, as they are.


----------



## Ikaika

It is Aloha Friday, share a bit of my culture... a cousin's daughter is in the mix. 

http://youtu.be/QbU9xC9i_uU


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Our meet up groups suck. I was looking at the meet up events thinking maybe i could do something tonight since tomorrow I'm hosting a small birthday celebration for a friend.

There is a holiday lights tour in a historic cool area of town complete with horse and buggy rides. Who RSVPd? ALL WOMEN.

I should put on a sweatshirt and go to a sports bar. I'd have more luck. But I also wouldn't meet someone with the same interests. Gr/Ug/sigh


----------



## EnjoliWoman

moxy said:


> Tonight, I went to a concert that I enjoyed. Then, another phone/FaceTime date with the man I've been talking to. Seriously...I really hope we like each other in person as much as we do on camera and phone because I am really into him and I'll be really sad if there's no physical chemistry. I'm trying really hard to just accept my feelings, as they are.


I have found when I email too long I build up hope that in person we'll click and often we don't so I tend to want to meet right away.

But I'm thinking facetime might be different because you SEE him and his mannerisms, etc. I'll cross my fingers for you.


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, you can...
> 
> My ******* lunch date from yesterday (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/79153-singles-tam-1690.html#post11107617) had to postpone until Friday because of a last-minute meeting with higher-ups, but he called he and we talked for a bit after his second meeting ended. And then we chatted online last night for a good while. He seems confident that we're going to have good chemistry in person, but NOW I'm starting to get nervous that we won't.
> 
> We've had all this great build-up online and over the phone... I don't want to be disappointed in person.
> 
> OK, so now I'm getting nervous for a first date, y'all.


Lunch date cancelled due to his son getting sick last night; he has to keep him home from school today :/

Disappointed, but what can you do? Kids get sick, it happens. We're still lined up for next Tuesday, though...


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Lunch date cancelled due to his son getting sick last night; he has to keep him home from school today :/
> 
> Disappointed, but what can you do? Kids get sick, it happens. We're still lined up for next Tuesday, though...


My sister's kids are sick, and she was my babysitter for tonight so I could take Malta to my company xmas party. No other options for sitters. This sucks. She bought a dress for it and is super excited. What a drag.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Healer said:


> My sister's kids are sick, and she was my babysitter for tonight so I could take Malta to my company xmas party. No other options for sitters. This sucks. She bought a dress for it and is super excited. What a drag.


Does SHE know any sitters she trusts? Sorry you don't get to go!


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> My sister's kids are sick, and she was my babysitter for tonight so I could take Malta to my company xmas party. No other options for sitters. This sucks. She bought a dress for it and is super excited. What a drag.


Sorry  I hope you can find another sitter...


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I have found when I email too long I build up hope that in person we'll click and often we don't so I tend to want to meet right away.


I'm the same way. I don't understand why people text and talk a gajillion times before they meet up.

Just...do....it! In-person is always better to decide whether it's a go or not. 

Also, I got a sexy dress for a Christmas party.  I do love this time of year so much.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> My sister's kids are sick, and she was my babysitter for tonight so I could take Malta to my company xmas party. No other options for sitters. This sucks. She bought a dress for it and is super excited. What a drag.


Why dont you plan your own Christmas party at your home? After your kid goes to bed, you can make her dinner, play "It is a Wonderful life" have some wine, and she gets to wear the beautiful dress! Plus, you get to undress her which is always a bonus!~~


----------



## moxy

But, a date night is not the same as a party. 

I think you should try to find another sitter.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> But, a date night is not the same as a party.
> 
> I think you should try to find another sitter.


:iagree: There's something about going to something like this as a couple. It's significant to both of them because he's introducing her to people he works with.


----------



## RandomDude

If you're sexy and you know it drop your pants, if you're sexy and you know it, and you really wanna show it, if you're sexy and you know it drop your pants!

*drops pants*

Oops, sorry ladies... just feeling good and need to express it


----------



## Healer

I managed to wrangle my sister's sitter. This will be the first time I've ever had a sitter for my kids that wasn't family. She's a teenage girl, but my kids have met her before. Apparently she's good with the kids.

We can't stay late as she's young, but that's OK - as long as we get to go for a bit!

And yes - introducing her to work people is big. She bought the dress and the other day said she was "going to shop for accessories ;-) ". I wonder what THAT means. :scratchhead:


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> Lunch date cancelled due to his son getting sick last night; he has to keep him home from school today :/
> 
> Disappointed, but what can you do? Kids get sick, it happens. We're still lined up for next Tuesday, though...


Bummer! I keep checking back to see how it went!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> She bought the dress and the other day said she was "going to shop for accessories ;-) ". I wonder what THAT means. :scratchhead:


It means she wants to look nice.  Hope you guys have fun.


----------



## moxy

Keeping my fingers crossed for my date tonight. I'm really looking forward to it, but I am also really nervous. Off to clean my apartment and get some work done before tonight. I will post about it.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Keeping my fingers crossed for my date tonight. I'm really looking forward to it, but I am also really nervous. Off to clean my apartment and get some work done before tonight. I will post about it.


Good luck!!!!


----------



## ne9907

I would like to know if any of you are acquaintances with a physicist. I would like to begin corresponding with a physicist and I do not know anyone with such qualifications. 
Thank you!


----------



## ne9907

I am totally spamming today


Would you like to know another useful thing about Tinder??
Finding a physicist who specializes in the unifying theory.


----------



## FeministInPink

Fenix said:


> Bummer! I keep checking back to see how it went!


Sorry to disappoint, Fenix! We're tentative for a Monday make-up, in addition to the aforementioned Tuesday.

But we were talking on Gchat almost all day on Friday while he was home and I was at work, in between while he was doing stuff with his son, and he called me when I had a break for lunch, and then we talked online again last night. All good stuff.

Don't worry, I will post an update when we do finally get to meet in person.


----------



## RandomDude

Daughter has zero interest in taking martial arts classes, not even a trial. Ex herself is also opposed to it.

So... ok I can't force her, do I wait? Or should I just give up and accept that my daughter is going to grow up defenseless?


----------



## moxy

So, my date brought me flowers and chocolate. We went out to dinner and talked and, later, cuddled and made out. He didn't spend the night, though I wish he had, but we hadn't planned to anyway. I think we liked each other, as we are planning on going out next weekend, too. 

Is it always a little strange to be with someone new? I liked him, but it felt strange to be with someone that wasn't Guy. I felt that way after ex-h, too. I suppose my body takes time to adjust to someone new. But, it was a nice date.


----------



## firebelly1

moxy said:


> So, my date brought me flowers and chocolate. We went out to dinner and talked and, later, cuddled and made out. He didn't spend the night, though I wish he had, but we hadn't planned to anyway. I think we liked each other, as we are planning on going out next weekend, too.
> 
> Is it always a little strange to be with someone new? I liked him, but it felt strange to be with someone that wasn't Guy. I felt that way after ex-h, too. I suppose my body takes time to adjust to someone new. But, it was a nice date.


I think it is always a little strange to be with someone new. But maybe counter-productive to compare him to someone else. Glad you had a good time!


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Daughter has zero interest in taking martial arts classes, not even a trial. Ex herself is also opposed to it.
> 
> So... ok I can't force her, do I wait? Or should I just give up and accept that my daughter is going to grow up defenseless?


Well...there are ways to get her to gain interest in it. My kids went to a "trial" class for a month. You might be able to get her to do that. She tries it and doesn't like it, so be it. Not sure why ex is opposed but, whatever. 

But consider this...most women don't take martial arts. We still have to be able to defend ourselves and for the most part that's about 1) not putting ourselves in compromising situations and 2) Being confident to say "no" in general. A woman who is a people-pleaser is more likely to go along without a fight than a woman who feels it's okay to question things and fight back. Make sense? Defending one's self is more about mental strength than knowing how to karate chop someone in my opinion.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> Well...there are ways to get her to gain interest in it. My kids went to a "trial" class for a month. You might be able to get her to do that. She tries it and doesn't like it, so be it. Not sure why ex is opposed but, whatever.
> 
> But consider this...most women don't take martial arts. We still have to be able to defend ourselves and for the most part that's about 1) not putting ourselves in compromising situations and 2) Being confident to say "no" in general. A woman who is a people-pleaser is more likely to go along without a fight than a woman who feels it's okay to question things and fight back. Make sense? Defending one's self is more about mental strength than knowing how to karate chop someone in my opinion.


Ex has always been anti-violence, which is ironic considering at times she was quite physically violent towards me (my fault though - I encouraged it - better then silent treatment!), but I would have thought since she took up martial arts herself she would understand that martial arts isn't about violence at all. My daughter has zero, absolutely zero interest in it no matter how I try to encourage her. Maybe I'm just being overly protective and don't trust that she can grow up and be wise enough to avoid situations where her safety will be compromised. I dunno, she's still my little girl and will always be.

I just worry for her future, daddy won't be around forever and once she hits teens I doubt she'll listen to anything I have to say, so giving her some basic martial training will at least rid me of fear and worry. Chances are though once she comes of age she'll start going out to parties and coming home late and I'll be chasing her down and beating down any male within a metre of her.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Ex has always been anti-violence, which is ironic considering at times she was quite physically violent towards me (my fault though - I encouraged it - better then silent treatment!), but I would have thought since she took up martial arts herself she would understand that martial arts isn't about violence at all. My daughter has zero, absolutely zero interest in it no matter how I try to encourage her. Maybe I'm just being overly protective and don't trust that she can grow up and be wise enough to avoid situations where her safety will be compromised. I dunno, she's still my little girl and will always be.
> 
> I just worry for her future, daddy won't be around forever and once she hits teens I doubt she'll listen to anything I have to say, so giving her some basic martial training will at least rid me of fear and worry. Chances are though once she comes of age she'll start going out to parties and coming home late and I'll be chasing her down and beating down any male within a metre of her.


Yep. That's the downside of being the father of a daughter. But my point is...help her to think for herself. Teach her critical thinking skills. When she questions you, praise her for it as opposed to insisting that she obey without question. (Not to say she gets her way, just recognize and reward her for critical thinking.) When ads come on while you're watching t.v., say out loud how interesting you think it is that the company makes their product seem really appealing when it's not. 

And Let her know that at any time if she is out with friends and she needs a ride home, she can call you at any time, night or day, and you won't get angry.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> Yep. That's the downside of being the father of a daughter. But my point is...help her to think for herself. Teach her critical thinking skills. When she questions you, praise her for it as opposed to insisting that she obey without question. (Not to say she gets her way, just recognize and reward her for critical thinking.) When ads come on while you're watching t.v., say out loud how interesting you think it is that the company makes their product seem really appealing when it's not.
> 
> And Let her know that at any time if she is out with friends and she needs a ride home, she can call you at any time, night or day, and you won't get angry.


EDIT: Nevermind, all I can say is thanks


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> EDIT: Nevermind, all I can say is thanks


I saw your original post. The fact that your daughter is a smart a$$ is a good sign I think. Means she's not afraid to speak her mind despite how it might ruffle feathers. That's a girl who won't be afraid to punch a guy in the balls and scream if she's attacked. Spunk is underrated.


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Daughter has zero interest in taking martial arts classes, not even a trial. Ex herself is also opposed to it.
> 
> So... ok I can't force her, do I wait? Or should I just give up and accept that my daughter is going to grow up defenseless?



Buy her a gun and take her to the shooting range.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> I saw your original post. The fact that your daughter is a smart a$$ is a good sign I think. Means she's not afraid to speak her mind despite how it might ruffle feathers. That's a girl who won't be afraid to punch a guy in the balls and scream if she's attacked. Spunk is underrated.


I sure hope so, and she isn't shy at all. Which means she will make enemies. But I'm not worrying too much am I?



Fenix said:


> Buy her a gun and take her to the shooting range.


My country has very strict gun laws, they are still around sure, but firearms for self-defence is a no-no. Hence my worry, she'll need martial training and I only feel confident in helping her train, not training her myself.


----------



## moxy

RD -- I'm a big fan of martial arts in general. I think that they help people learn control, self-discipline, strength, and confidence in their physical forms. They also teach a kind of awareness of surroundings, perhaps by way of developing observation skills and emphasizing the importance of perception. All of these values and skills are useful for people in life, but it's easy to see how they can help young women, especially vocal young women, protect themselves. However, it is obvious that you can't force your daughter to study the arts. Neither can you convince her mother to encourage her in that direction. You CAN, however, figure out what values you think she needs to learn that you believe she will learn through martial arts and try to encourage her toward other activities that promote such values or skills. 

As a woman who has always been "obedient" and "dutiful" in her youth, and one whose training in filial piety has brought her plenty of bad luck, I have to say that the most important thing that young women need is belief in the power of the self and in the impressions of that self. In my opinion, Firebelly's thoughts on critical thinking are centrally related to the worries you face. Teach her how to think for herself. Teach her that she shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind. Teach her that she should question the things that she finds unacceptable. Then....she will not put up with the kinds of things that turn a person into a doormat, and she will not be afraid to defend herself. The skills related to self-defense, by which I mean techniques, are less important than the willingness to act upon a desire to defend the self, the belief that one should defend the self against the aggression of another. You can't protect her from all the baddies out there; there are way too many. You CAN, however, teach her to value herself enough to fight her way out of trouble, if she finds herself in it. Even then....sometimes, she may struggle with something that she can't defeat; you have to teach her resilience so that she can get past those obstacles, too.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> I sure hope so, and she isn't shy at all. Which means she will make enemies. But I'm not worrying too much am I?
> 
> 
> 
> My country has very strict gun laws, they are still around sure, but firearms for self-defence is a no-no. Hence my worry, she'll need martial training and I only feel confident in helping her train, not training her myself.


Machete?


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: I like the way you think, Firebelly.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lunch is ON for tomorrow!

You remember how I said I never get nervous for dates?

I'm nervous...


----------



## firebelly1

I so want to post a picture of Beatrix Kiddo with her samurai sword but can't figure out how to post photos.


----------



## Ikaika

firebelly1 said:


> I so want to post a picture of Beatrix Kiddo with her samurai sword but can't figure out how to post photos.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> Machete?


Heh, sure, I'll make sure she carries one whereever she goes 
Next thing I know she'll be in juvy!

@Moxy

Hmmm, interesting. But what if she gets into other activities and then ends up with even more excuse not to start martial training?

As for her speaking her mind, I'm worried that it's going to end up being her mouth after all that gets her in trouble and she might end up in a physical confrontation which she won't be ready for no?


----------



## moxy

RD, I'm suggesting that the martial arts training is not inherently useful, but useful because it installs certain values. I believe you can encourage other activities in place of martial arts that will also instill the same values. Different path, same destination.

Yes, her outspoken attitude will probably get her into trouble. However, if she believes in herself, the will to face down her opponents and survive will probably get her out of that trouble. Wisdom is more valuable than confrontational prowess. Anyone can talk himself or herself out of physical fights; and, anyone can be resourceful enough to use the tools at hand -- if, that is, the will to survive is strong.


----------



## moxy

On a totally unrelated note: phone dates are awesome!!! I liked this dude that I went out with, and I like talking to him on the phone before bed at the end of the day.


----------



## firebelly1

I figured it out!


----------



## Healer

The party was good - she looked beautiful. We stayed the night at my house and spent the next day together. I kept waiting for her to say "well you should probably drive me home now" but she didn't. I finally piped up "do you want to stay another night?". She said yes. So she did. 2 night sleep over. 

She met my kids too. I had a talk with them before, saying "you know, just because your dad dates someone, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll stay with them forever or get married or anything. I'm just dating and getting to know people and learning who I really want to spend my time with". They said "yeah, we know dad". Anyway, they all hit it off, big time. The kids really like her and vice versa. That's good and scary, I suppose.She and my daughter really hit it off. They were all cracking each other up.

I'm actually developing feelings for this woman, which is new for me. I think she's awesome.

One problem is kids - she wants her own some day. I think I'm done, but I'm not 100% on that. The right woman could change that for me. She asked the other night "do you want more kids?". I said "hmmm, I don't know" in a pretty negative way. She said "that's fair enough" and we dropped it.

I guess I'll just keep taking it as it comes.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> The party was good - she looked beautiful. We stayed the night at my house and spent the next day together. I kept waiting for her to say "well you should probably drive me home now" but she didn't. I finally piped up "do you want to stay another night?". She said yes. So she did. 2 night sleep over.


:smthumbup:



Healer said:


> She met my kids too. I had a talk with them before, saying "you know, just because your dad dates someone, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll stay with them forever or get married or anything. I'm just dating and getting to know people and learning who I really want to spend my time with". They said "yeah, we know dad".


That's cute.


----------



## FeministInPink

Work stuff has crashed yet another lunch date! He called and was very apologetic, and asked if I wanted to try for tomorrow.

I said no, this is the very reason I don't like trying to schedule lunch dates, because something always comes up at the last minute. We're already planning on getting together tomorrow night, so let's just do dinner instead of trying to do a lunch that's probably going to get c0ck-blocked by some work thing.

I must have sounded pretty exasperated on the phone, because he insisted that he wasn't doing this on purpose. (It probably didn't help matters that when he asked me how I was, I answered, "Starving.") I said that I knew he wasn't, but I was getting the sneaking suspicion that the universe was conspiring against us.

My friend Katie is a psychic, supposedly. I don't normally buy into that stuff, but she's been on point a few too many times about things for me to totally discount what she says. I was telling her about OKC Guy, and showed his picture to her. She apparently got a LOT of vibes off of his picture, and I won't go into everything/detail, but she did say, "There's gonna be some drama with this one. You'll have to decide whether or not that's worth it to you."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> My friend Katie is a psychic, supposedly. I don't normally buy into that stuff, but she's been on point a few too many times about things for me to totally discount what she says. I was telling her about OKC Guy, and showed his picture to her. She apparently got a LOT of vibes off of his picture, and I won't go into everything/detail, but she did say, "There's gonna be some drama with this one. You'll have to decide whether or not that's worth it to you."


Hey, I want a personal psychic too!


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD, I'm suggesting that the martial arts training is not inherently useful, but useful because it installs certain values. I believe you can encourage other activities in place of martial arts that will also instill the same values. Different path, same destination.
> 
> Yes, her outspoken attitude will probably get her into trouble. However, if she believes in herself, the will to face down her opponents and survive will probably get her out of that trouble. Wisdom is more valuable than confrontational prowess. Anyone can talk himself or herself out of physical fights; and, anyone can be resourceful enough to use the tools at hand -- if, that is, the will to survive is strong.


Well, it wouldn't ease my worry in regards to her martial vulnerability in the future. And if she can't talk her way out of a potentially dangerous situation? What then? 

Oh well, can always try this:


----------



## vi_bride04

Chastity belt..... LMAO!!


----------



## moxy

So, this man that I've been talking to calls me every night to chat before bed.  And, we actually talk about life stuff, rather than just sexy banter.  I smile when my phone rings. It's nice. He's supposed to come over this weekend for something other than "nice". I hope it goes well. Seriously, though, waiting for it is hard to do!


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> So, this man that I've been talking to calls me every night to chat before bed.  And, we actually talk about life stuff, rather than just sexy banter.  I smile when my phone rings. It's nice. He's supposed to come over this weekend for something other than "nice". I hope it goes well. Seriously, though, waiting for it is hard to do!


Women actually like that? 

Personally I time myself to give my dates space


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Women actually like that?
> 
> Personally I time myself to give my dates space


It's the "last call of the night." I would like that in a relationship... it really helps fill a woman's need for conversation, to help her feel connected to him. It's a small thing, and takes very little effort on the man's part, but it can make a big difference in her satisfaction with the relationship.

(Who knows? If my XH, who worked nights while I worked days, had bothered to take five minutes out of his night to call me before I went to bed, maybe our relationship wouldn't have fallen apart... No, it still would have. He had plenty of time to take smoke breaks, but never had five minutes to call his wife. I can't believe I was married to that ass.)

I'm not sure how I would feel about that just starting out--even though I've been on Gchat with OKC Guy every night since we started talking--but it's a clear sign of interest/investment on the man's part, I think.


----------



## RandomDude

In a relationship context sure, but in dating? =/ I dunno

I try not to give the impression that I'm overly investing, scares off dates no?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> In a relationship context sure, but in dating? =/ I dunno
> 
> I try not to give the impression that I'm overly investing, scares off dates no?


Depends on the woman, methinks.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> In a relationship context sure, but in dating? =/ I dunno
> 
> I try not to give the impression that I'm overly investing, scares off dates no?


If I feel like you are not investing enough it's more likely to be an issue. Remember that whole stand-offishness thing RD? This is part of it.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> In a relationship context sure, but in dating? =/ I dunno
> 
> I try not to give the impression that I'm overly investing, scares off dates no?


It's scary when it's unwanted or when it starts to feel like obligation. At the moment, I'm enjoying it. He shows me that he's thinking of me. I feel desired and pursued. Usually when he calls, I'm in bed or on my way there for the night; so, now I associate him with the bedroom and relaxation, which makes me think of sex every time I think about him. It helps that he's super hot and well-muscled, too. 

He does seem relationship-oriented and maybe I'll be interested at some point, but even if this is just a FWB strategy, it's a good way to inspire the libido. He says that if he pays attention to me, I will want him around (especially when I'm in the mood), but if he fails to keep me happy with sex and attention, that I'll probably not want him around and seek someone else for that fun; so, his actions may be pragmatic instead of romantic, even though he does seem far more romantic than me, in general. Anyway, he's right about that: attention makes me happy in a romantic context.



FeministInPink said:


> Depends on the woman, methinks.


Yes. I think it depends. I personally like intensity and passion in a relationship, whether it is a long-term one or a short-term one, whether it is casual or committed.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Decided to put myself back on the online dating scene Sunday evening. Doesn't hurt to put oneself out there once again, never know.


----------



## Jellybeans

I thought you were solid with your chick, Daddio? 

Welcome back to the "scene" though


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Decided to put myself back on the online dating scene Sunday evening. Doesn't hurt to put oneself out there once again, never know.


Good Luck, Daddio. 


Unrelated note: Some of my colleagues are open about their personal lives with their students, but I never talk about my personal life in my classroom. Once in a while, my students will ask me questions about whether or not I am married or have children or live in town; I am always surprised by such inquiries because they seem to come from out of nowhere, like little ambushes. I get flustered. Every now and again, those questions puzzle me a little more than usual. Last semester, a student asked me if I sext guys on snapchat. WTF!? Um, no. Today presented another WTF!? moment. After handing in her final exam, a student said she had a question to ask me. The question, totally inappropriate, was, "do you have a boyfriend?" I thought she had perhaps seen me out on my date last weekend; it's a small town, after all. So, I kind of froze in a deer-in-headlights kind of way. Then, she tried to set me up with a friend. I said, "I'm flattered, but that is probably not a good idea. I'm sorry." I know they mean well, and that they don't realize how weird they are being when they do things like that, so I am not offended. It's definitely one of the weirdest questions I've encountered on final exam day. It made me laugh, so had to share the story. I'm still taken aback by it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> I thought you were solid with your chick, Daddio?
> 
> Welcome back to the "scene" though


Unfortunately, no. She told me a bit over a month ago that she wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. She has other things she wants to pursue. We hardly talk anymore.

She did text me out of the blue last night though, she's aware that I'm now on swing shift at work. Sign up for online dating and the next day I hear from her after almost a week, go figure.

I'm at the point where I honestly don't have much to say to her. With how things started (hot and heavy) and how it ended, it doesn't really make me want to talk to her all that often. I won't hold it over anyone's head if they want to go in a different direction with their life, that's up to them.

Her and I are currently looking for different things, at times it's best to just let it go.


----------



## Jellybeans

Wise words, Daddio. Also, better to realize it now than much farther down the line.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> Wise words, Daddio. Also, better to realize it now than much farther down the line.


I won't deny, it was a hard hit in the beginning but at the same time she was the first woman I've been with since my ex. I don't take that sort of thing lightly and it takes a lot for me to get to a place where I'm comfortable being like that.

It was fun while it lasted and I'm proud of how I've handled myself the last month. Nothing like how I used to be, a testament to how I've not only changed myself physically but mentally as well.

Went from having a cute petite woman all over me and my ex wife wanting me back, to nothing. It's been an interesting couple of months. Haha.


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> Went from having a cute petite woman all over me and my ex wife wanting me back, to nothing. It's been an interesting couple of months. Haha.


Well, maybe this time alone is going to be some of the most enjoyable you've had in a long time. Date yourself!!! 

Awesome that you've made great strides in how you handle things.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> Well, maybe this time alone is going to be some of the most enjoyable you've had in a long time. Date yourself!!!
> 
> Awesome that you've made great strides in how you handle things.


I take myself on dates 5-6 times a week. To the gym. We have a blast.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Good Luck, Daddio.
> 
> 
> Unrelated note: Some of my colleagues are open about their personal lives with their students, but I never talk about my personal life in my classroom. Once in a while, my students will ask me questions about whether or not I am married or have children or live in town; I am always surprised by such inquiries because they seem to come from out of nowhere, like little ambushes. I get flustered. Every now and again, those questions puzzle me a little more than usual. Last semester, a student asked me if I sext guys on snapchat. WTF!? Um, no. Today presented another WTF!? moment. After handing in her final exam, a student said she had a question to ask me. The question, totally inappropriate, was, "do you have a boyfriend?" I thought she had perhaps seen me out on my date last weekend; it's a small town, after all. So, I kind of froze in a deer-in-headlights kind of way. Then, she tried to set me up with a friend. I said, "I'm flattered, but that is probably not a good idea. I'm sorry."* I know they mean well, and that they don't realize how weird they are being when they do things like that, so I am not offended.* It's definitely one of the weirdest questions I've encountered on final exam day. It made me laugh, so had to share the story. I'm still taken aback by it.


Moxy, I dont think they are being weird at all! They think highly enough of you that they want good things for you!


----------



## ne9907

Nice one Moxy! Keep enjoying it, I am glad for you.
Welcome back to the dating scene Daddio~

I am still reading my book. I love it! 
It is difficult sometimes so I am very glad I have someone to talk to when I have questions.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, OKC Guy said he would be in touch this morning to sort details for tonight, but then I didn't hear from him, which I thought odd, since he's made a habit of texting and calling when he says he will.

And now I know why... got this email from him about an hour ago:



> FemInPink,
> 
> I don't think I'm ready to date yet.....I do like you, but I want to be on the same page. I realize you are ready for a little more than me, so I want to be up-front. I also want to get my settlement set, which isn't signed yet.
> 
> I am sure you think I am a jerk and I probably deserve that.


I give him kudos for recognizing that he's not ready, and being up front with me about it. I knew this was a possibility, considering where he is in the process... I just wish I had gotten some sex out of the deal.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I give him kudos for recognizing that he's not ready, and being up front with me about it. I knew this was a possibility, considering where he is in the process... I just wish I had gotten some sex out of the deal.


Yes, kudos for honesty..too bad it didnt come a little sooner, before you got your hopes up, though. By settlement, is he referring to a divorce?


----------



## Jellybeans

I agree with 3x. Its good that he told you but dang, he coulda told you up front. Cross him off the list and keep on fishing.

Question: Do you guys know if there is a way to hide threads on TAM? For instance, one keeps popping up and I don't really want to see it. Is there a way to minimize certain threads from your feed/what you see?


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, kudos for honesty..too bad it didnt come a little sooner, before you got your hopes up, though. By settlement, is he referring to a divorce?


It's OK that it didn't come sooner; he's still figuring things out for himself, and when he figured it out, he let me know.

And like I said, I knew this was a possibility, so while I was optimistic, I wasn't pinning all my hopes on him.

Yes, his state has somewhat draconian mandatory waiting period/separation before filing for divorce.

If he's not ready for dating, I would be open to a FWB arrangement with him, since I'm not really emotionally attached yet. And because I think the sex would be really good, and I think the universe owes me some good sex.


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> If he's not ready for dating, I would be open to a FWB arrangement with him, since I'm not really emotionally attached yet. And because I think the sex would be really good, and I think the universe owes me some good sex.


And before y'all slap me upside the head, I'm saying this because I've been reconsidering whether I even want a serious relationship at all. It occurred to me after Fireman that the only reason I wanted a relationship is for the regular sex, and I don't like the extra time investment a relationship takes, and how that takes time away from other things I want to do and am trying to accomplish. I don't think I want to give up my independence any time soon. I really like being single, and I want the sex, but dating is a pain in the ass, and I don't really enjoy it. I'm more worried about squandering my sexual peak years than I am about ending up alone, because I am perfectly happy alone. But I don't want to do casual sex or ONSs, either.

I think RandomDude is onto something, y'all.

Yes, I'm going to the dark side. Me and RandomDude. You're welcome to join us. We have cookies.


----------



## Jellybeans

I wasn't going to "virtually" slap you "Upside the head." LOL But I will tell you to consider FWB'ing with someone else. This guy is clearly not even available for that. Don't with him. Keep perusing the guys on the date site til you find one you gel with, whether it's for FWB or a relationship. When someone blows you off 2-3-4 times and then emails you saying they're not "ready" then write them off for everything. Self-respect/dignity and all that.


----------



## firebelly1

I would be the last one to slap you upside the head for FWB. I was going to suggest you ask him if he's open to that. Then again...my FWB situation is becoming more complicated than I want. I can't say I would actually recommend FWB considering what I have experienced this last year. 

My long-haired FWB REALLY likes me and it's starting to feel smothering. Things are progressing with EMS guy. He's coming up this weekend and we'll be spending the weekend together including my work holiday party. As I've said, I think he has LTR potential but lives 3 1/2 hours away at the moment. In the last month I have spent alternate weekends with each of them while the other one has his kids. SOUNDS like I'm awesome but it's wearing on me emotionally. I think something's got to give soon. 

And on top of that I actually have another FWB that I don't see very often but know if I break things off with him he will also be unhappy about it and not just 'cause our very infrequent sex will be cut off. What's a head-scratcher for me is that this FWB is the one I am most attracted to so I'm reluctant to give him up.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, OKC Guy and I just talked on the phone... it turns out (as I sort of expected) that he was making assumptions about how serious I wanted to be, and how fast. That, and the settlement thing is weighing heavily on his mind right now (he's meeting with his attorney tomorrow, which may explain some of that).

He doesn't expect me to wait for him or put my dating life on hold, but he wants to stay in touch and get together after his settlement is signed. (To which I replied, "Oh, we were just talking online, and you thought this was exclusive?" It's obvious he hasn't done any real dating yet.)

I told him that he shouldn't have made assumptions about what I wanted, especially since we had never explicitly talked about what either of us wanted. So we talked about that for a while, and at the end, he says, "I guess we actually are on the same page. I probably shouldn't have made assumptions."

I'm not going to hold my breath, but we'll see. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my single life


----------



## RandomDude

@Firebelly, Moxy, FeministInPink

That's the thing though, like in dating it's not always that the butterflies take flight at once, hence I watch my investment level as well as her perception of my investment level. Calling every night is once the butterflies have taken off and are fluttering all around in my opinion, not while dating.

But I don't know, already I have the impression that American women are generally more romantic then Australian women but that's just my impression.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> @Firebelly, Moxy, FeministInPink
> 
> That's the thing though, like in dating it's not always that the butterflies take flight at once, hence I watch my investment level as well as her perception of my investment level. Calling every night is once the butterflies have taken off and are fluttering all around in my opinion, not while dating.
> 
> *But I don't know, already I have the impression that American women are generally more romantic then Australian women but that's just my impression.*


I have heard that. American culture is also heavily skewed towards unrealistic romantic idealism, and so it's hard not to internalize that.


----------



## RandomDude

... so it's true! 

=O


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> So, OKC Guy said he would be in touch this morning to sort details for tonight, but then I didn't hear from him, which I thought odd, since he's made a habit of texting and calling when he says he will.
> 
> And now I know why... got this email from him about an hour ago:
> 
> 
> 
> I give him kudos for recognizing that he's not ready, and being up front with me about it. I knew this was a possibility, considering where he is in the process... I just wish I had gotten some sex out of the deal.


Let me ask you this - would you have been good with just some sex/hanging out and that's it?


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> And before y'all slap me upside the head, I'm saying this because I've been reconsidering whether I even want a serious relationship at all. It occurred to me after Fireman that the only reason I wanted a relationship is for the regular sex, and I don't like the extra time investment a relationship takes, and how that takes time away from other things I want to do and am trying to accomplish. I don't think I want to give up my independence any time soon. I really like being single, and I want the sex, but dating is a pain in the ass, and I don't really enjoy it. I'm more worried about squandering my sexual peak years than I am about ending up alone, because I am perfectly happy alone. But I don't want to do casual sex or ONSs, either.
> 
> I think RandomDude is onto something, y'all.
> 
> Yes, I'm going to the dark side. Me and RandomDude. You're welcome to join us. We have cookies.


Damn, sounds like you and I would be perfect for each other.

I had a bit of panic/second guessing at Malta's place last night. Things have happened so fast...and I'm certainly 50% to blame for that (if we're laying blame). Thinking more about the kids thing - I'm pretty sure I'm done. I certainly put that vibe across when she asked - I said "mmmmm I don't know". So I don't know how she feels about that. We spent Friday, Saturday and Monday (last night) together. Last night I was busting on her a little - just teasing and being myself. It was cracking her up but she was a little taken aback - I wasn't as "careful" as I have been. Don't know if I was subconsciously testing her or just was more comfortable and therefore letting loose a bit - but that's me. I wasn't mean or anything - just probably a little more edgy than before. Once she realized I was just being playful and funny she was cool.

Then she started asking me if I wanted to travel and "see the world" and if I would go snowshoeing with her. I may be in the minority, but I couldn't care less about traveling. I don't like traveling for the sake of travel actually. I've never understood the obsession with it. And I ****ing hate the snow.

I know there's give and take, but I'm not at a place in my life where I'm going to do **** I don't want to do (unless I have to - like for work, or something for my kids). 

She texted today saying she could spend night Thursday. Last night I didn't really want to go over there, but I relented. And it was fun...but tonight I'm looking forward to being alone. And Thursday I have my kids and want to focus just on them/us. We are going out Saturday too.

Anyway, I'm already in too deep - she's growing very attached, and I haven't done anything to thwart that. I dig her too, and enjoy our time together. But I don't know - I'm kind of freaking a little. Sigh.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Let me ask you this - would you have been good with just some sex/hanging out and that's it?


If it happened just once, then I would probably have felt a little used.

I wasn't banking my hopes on anything specific, aside from getting laid! I was just planning on rolling with it, and seeing what happened.

Maybe I need to put some more thought into what exactly I want.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Maybe I need to put some more thought into what exactly I want.


You and me both.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I had a bit of panic/second guessing at Malta's place last night. Things have happened so fast...and I'm certainly 50% to blame for that (if we're laying blame).
> 
> Then she started asking me if I wanted to travel and "see the world" and if I would go snowshoeing with her. I may be in the minority, but I couldn't care less about traveling. I don't like traveling for the sake of travel actually. I've never understood the obsession with it. And I ****ing hate the snow.
> 
> I know there's give and take, but I'm not at a place in my life where I'm going to do **** I don't want to do (unless I have to - like for work, or something for my kids).
> 
> She texted today saying she could spend night Thursday. Last night I didn't really want to go over there, but I relented. *And it was fun...but tonight I'm looking forward to being alone. *


OH man I know what you you are saying. Sometimes a relationship just seems exhausting. Sometimes when I think about how much time it takes up...so much time...(and I feel like I never have time) it takes me aback. Thing is I wonder sometimes if we get used to being alone. So much so that when you start thinking in terms of spending time with other people, it just makes me feel tired, or that you want to go home and do you and just crawl into your bed, and mentally relax.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> So, OKC Guy said he would be in touch this morning to sort details for tonight, but then I didn't hear from him, which I thought odd, since he's made a habit of texting and calling when he says he will.
> 
> And now I know why... got this email from him about an hour ago:
> 
> 
> 
> I give him kudos for recognizing that he's not ready, and being up front with me about it. I knew this was a possibility, considering where he is in the process... I just wish I had gotten some sex out of the deal.


 for you. I don't really have a problem with his email or actions though. It is tough stuff. If you are ok with his actions, then perhaps just leave the door open at a later date.


----------



## Fenix

FeministInPink said:


> So, OKC Guy and I just talked on the phone... it turns out (as I sort of expected) that he was making assumptions about how serious I wanted to be, and how fast. That, and the settlement thing is weighing heavily on his mind right now (he's meeting with his attorney tomorrow, which may explain some of that).
> 
> He doesn't expect me to wait for him or put my dating life on hold, but he wants to stay in touch and get together after his settlement is signed. (To which I replied, "Oh, we were just talking online, and you thought this was exclusive?" It's obvious he hasn't done any real dating yet.)
> 
> I told him that he shouldn't have made assumptions about what I wanted, especially since we had never explicitly talked about what either of us wanted. So we talked about that for a while, and at the end, he says, "I guess we actually are on the same page. I probably shouldn't have made assumptions."
> 
> I'm not going to hold my breath, but we'll see. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my single life


As someone so is in the midst of trying to get this deal done (in this draconian state), let me just say that you could be a godsend to someone like him...as long as you don't get too attached. Fun, sex, more fun and more sex. Just what he needs. Who knows after that....way in the future.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> OH man I know what you you are saying. Sometimes a relationship just seems exhausting. Sometimes when I think about how much time it takes up...so much time...(and I feel like I never have time) it takes me aback. Thing is I wonder sometimes if we get used to being alone. So much so that when you start thinking in terms of spending time with other people, it just makes me feel tired, or that you want to go home and do you and just crawl into your bed, and mentally relax.


Sex is awesome, and I even enjoy cuddling in bed/sleeping together. But I've really, really come to enjoy being alone and doing my own thing. No matter how comfy you are/get with someone, you're not really ever truly yourself - you have to alter your behavior _somewhat_ to be around another person. I love not having to do that at all sometimes. These past 2 years I've definitely gotten used to being alone and doing exactly what I want, when I want, how I want. That said, I do enjoy female company too. But I like the option of being able to be alone as well. That's why the prospect of living with someone again isn't very appealing to me.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> And before y'all slap me upside the head, I'm saying this because I've been reconsidering whether I even want a serious relationship at all. It occurred to me after Fireman that the only reason I wanted a relationship is for the regular sex, and I don't like the extra time investment a relationship takes, and how that takes time away from other things I want to do and am trying to accomplish. I don't think I want to give up my independence any time soon. I really like being single, and I want the sex, but dating is a pain in the ass, and I don't really enjoy it. I'm more worried about squandering my sexual peak years than I am about ending up alone, because I am perfectly happy alone. But I don't want to do casual sex or ONSs, either.
> 
> I think RandomDude is onto something, y'all.
> 
> Yes, I'm going to the dark side. Me and RandomDude. You're welcome to join us. We have cookies.


The dark side is fun. Especially when there is hot n heavy sex involved!!


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> The dark side is fun. Especially when there is hot n heavy sex involved!!


Wait...you getting laid VI?????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Independence plus regular sex with someone you find attractive and enjoy hanging out with is great. I don't think in terms of butterflies and romance often, but I do think in terms of attention and orgasms.  FIP, just say outright in Tinder that you want a FWB; might be easier to meet one that way.


----------



## ne9907

I need to find an astrophysicist.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> I need to find an astrophysicist.



Go to a nearby university. Physics departments might be useful.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I need to find an astrophysicist.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Go to a nearby university. Physics departments might be useful.
Click to expand...

Physicist friend gave me contact info to one an astrophycisit friend!

This astro kid is not as patient as the physicist! Everything he says just sails right above my head 

It is so much fun to learn about new things!


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> OH man I know what you you are saying. Sometimes a relationship just seems exhausting. *Sometimes when I think about how much time it takes up...so much time...(and I feel like I never have time) it takes me aback. *Thing is I wonder sometimes if we get used to being alone. So much so that when you start thinking in terms of spending time with other people, it just makes me feel tired, or that you want to go home and do you and just crawl into your bed, and mentally relax.


Totally agree with the above. Between work/school/excercise/life I've been so tuckered out I basically go home and crawl straight into bed. 

Lately just not feeling it in the romance department. Went to a really fun party with tons of hotties - I bantered and mingled but just didn't feel any "spark" of interest in that way. It was kind of odd really. I want to make sure I'm not deliberately shutting down, but at the same time I think it's ok my priorities have shifted. I really want to be financially and career stable post-D and am focusing on that. 

Also want to focus on my marathon training and diet. FYI as I'm typing this I'm munching on french fries and burger. I never said I was perfect.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Sex is awesome, and I even enjoy cuddling in bed/sleeping together. But I've really, really come to enjoy being alone and doing my own thing. No matter how comfy you are/get with someone, you're not really ever truly yourself - you have to alter your behavior _somewhat_ to be around another person. I love not having to do that at all sometimes. These past 2 years I've definitely gotten used to being alone and doing exactly what I want, when I want, how I want. That said, I do enjoy female company too. But I like the option of being able to be alone as well. That's why the prospect of living with someone again isn't very appealing to me.


:iagree:

So much.



bravenewworld said:


> Totally agree with the above. Between work/school/excercise/life I've been so tuckered out I basically go home and crawl straight into bed.


Exactly!!!


----------



## firebelly1

I want to eventually get to a point where I live with someone but have a retreat in the home where I can go to and be by myself. And be myself when I'm with him.


----------



## Jellybeans

That sounds lovely, Firebelly.

You know, I've long said how it'd be nice to have someone who I just see on the weekend and enjoy their company and have sex. And now I think sometimes that even that situation would cut into my own "me" time. I swear I feel like I have no free time. I don't know how parents juggle a schedule with kids. Because I have no children but am constantly running around and it's tiring.


----------



## FeministInPink

I have decided against pursuing a FWB option with OKC Guy. I think a FWB would be hurtful to both of us, and that we have potential for much more/something better down the line. (Plus, I will run the very likely risk of getting attached and pushing for something more before he's ready, and I don't want to do that.) We've talked about it, and he agrees with me.

I've taken sex/sex talk off the table for now, and we are going to stay in touch and get to know each other better.

I'm not taking myself off the market, but I'm going to be too busy with work and personal stuff over the next couple months to actively be on the hunt or really start anything new with anyone else, so this is probably for the best anyway.


----------



## Healer

One thing I'm a little fussed about with malta is BJ's. She's the first woman I've been with who doesn't seem totally keen on them. Out of the 15 or so times we've had sex, she's done it 3 times - including the very first time we had sex, in order to get me going as I was a little nervous. She sucked it just long enough to get me hard then jumped on it. One other time she initiated, then the other night for like 15 seconds. Just to clarify, there's no hygiene problem or anything on my end - pun intended. Now I go down on her plenty, and I know what I'm doing down there. I enjoy it, but I do it for her, not me. And I take my time, making her cum.

For her, the BJ seems to be "let's hurry up and get this out of the way so you can stick it in me". I don't expect it every time, but sometimes, and not for 15 seconds then just jam it in there.

So either she doesn't like doing it, or she's insecure about her skills...not sure. She gives good head, when she gives it. With all past lovers BJ's and oral for her are _almost_ every time. I'm a very giving lover, not selfish at all.

I was thinking of asking her "are you not into it?" or something. But not sure how to broach such a sensitive subject. Honestly I don't think I could stay with a woman who didn't enjoy giving head. And I would not want a woman to do it because she felt she had to. The other women I've been with get really hot and bothered doing it.

Thoughts?


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer, my bet is she isn't into it. If she were, she'd be doing it more.

Some people are just not into oral sex (I personally don't understand this thought process/dislike, but hey, to each their own).
I would be very sad if I were with a man who did not do it.

Just gotta find someone who does like it.


----------



## FeministInPink

I agree with JB on this one, Healer. If you're satisfying her orally, there's no reason for her not to reciprocate. Might she be concerned that if she gives BJs, you'll finish during the BJ, which would essentially end the sex session and leave her unsatisfied?

Or perhaps it may have something to do with how BJs configured into sex life with previous partners.

Essentially, I think they WHY she doesn't like it is just as important.

Unfortunately, JB and I might not be good in helping you figure out HOW to address this problem. You need to hear from a woman who wasn't into it, and how she might have been persuaded to do it more.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> One thing I'm a little fussed about with malta is BJ's. She's the first woman I've been with who doesn't seem totally keen on them. Out of the 15 or so times we've had sex, she's done it 3 times - including the very first time we had sex, in order to get me going as I was a little nervous. She sucked it just long enough to get me hard then jumped on it. One other time she initiated, then the other night for like 15 seconds. Just to clarify, there's no hygiene problem or anything on my end - pun intended. Now I go down on her plenty, and I know what I'm doing down there. I enjoy it, but I do it for her, not me. And I take my time, making her cum.
> 
> For her, the BJ seems to be "let's hurry up and get this out of the way so you can stick it in me". I don't expect it every time, but sometimes, and not for 15 seconds then just jam it in there.
> 
> So either she doesn't like doing it, or she's insecure about her skills...not sure. She gives good head, when she gives it. With all past lovers BJ's and oral for her are _almost_ every time. I'm a very giving lover, not selfish at all.
> 
> I was thinking of asking her "are you not into it?" or something. But not sure how to broach such a sensitive subject. Honestly I don't think I could stay with a woman who didn't enjoy giving head. And I would not want a woman to do it because she felt she had to. The other women I've been with get really hot and bothered doing it.
> 
> Thoughts?


I don't think you have a big enough sample size in terms of the number of times you've had sex to determine how she feels about them. Can't hurt to ask her about it.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> I agree with JB on this one, Healer. If you're satisfying her orally, there's no reason for her not to reciprocate. Might she be concerned that if she gives BJs, you'll finish during the BJ, which would essentially end the sex session and leave her unsatisfied?
> 
> Or perhaps it may have something to do with how BJs configured into sex life with previous partners.
> 
> Essentially, I think they WHY she doesn't like it is just as important.
> 
> Unfortunately, JB and I might not be good in helping you figure out HOW to address this problem. You need to hear from a woman who wasn't into it, and how she might have been persuaded to do it more.


Yeah...you've got a bunch of enthusiastic c*ck suckers here so maybe not the best advice.


----------



## firebelly1

FeministInPink said:


> I have decided against pursuing a FWB option with OKC Guy. I think a FWB would be hurtful to both of us, and that we have potential for much more/something better down the line. (Plus, I will run the very likely risk of getting attached and pushing for something more before he's ready, and I don't want to do that.) We've talked about it, and he agrees with me.
> 
> I've taken sex/sex talk off the table for now, and we are going to stay in touch and get to know each other better.
> 
> I'm not taking myself off the market, but I'm going to be too busy with work and personal stuff over the next couple months to actively be on the hunt or really start anything new with anyone else, so this is probably for the best anyway.


If I were to take bets, I'd say your sex drive will have you going down a different path. But...ok. Seems like you could use a fvck buddy but it's hard to find a new one of those that you're comfortable with without investing some time and attention. As i can attest to. Easy enough to find volunteers but you have to weed through them to find one you're comfortable with.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah...you've got a bunch of enthusiastic c*ck suckers here so maybe not the best advice.


LOL!!


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Healer, my bet is she isn't into it. If she were, she'd be doing it more.
> 
> Some people are just not into oral sex (I personally don't understand this thought process/dislike, but hey, to each their own).
> I would be very sad if I were with a man who did not do it.
> 
> Just gotta find someone who does like it.


Yeah - it would be a deal breaker if she just wasn't into it.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I agree with JB on this one, Healer. If you're satisfying her orally, there's no reason for her not to reciprocate. Might she be concerned that if she gives BJs, you'll finish during the BJ, which would essentially end the sex session and leave her unsatisfied?
> 
> Or perhaps it may have something to do with how BJs configured into sex life with previous partners.
> 
> Essentially, I think they WHY she doesn't like it is just as important.
> 
> Unfortunately, JB and I might not be good in helping you figure out HOW to address this problem. You need to hear from a woman who wasn't into it, and how she might have been persuaded to do it more.


Nah - I'm not a quick shooter - I can go and go. The one time of three she didn't just rush it - I didn't blow, so she wouldn't be concerned about that.

I did have a gf when I was young who didn't like it because her previous bf forced them.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I don't think you have a big enough sample size in terms of the number of times you've had sex to determine how she feels about them. Can't hurt to ask her about it.


Interesting. I think I'll somehow have to bring it up. Because cumon, blowjobs are awesome.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> I did have a gf when I was young who didn't like it because her previous bf forced them.


I think all of us ladies have dealt with an ass like this at some point. It takes a while to change your mindset after one of these types.


----------



## RandomDude

Heck, many women in the past suck so bad at it I sit there for ages and they can't even get me off. Heck, I got more enjoyment performing oral on them than by letting them do their thing on me.

Still, just takes abit of communication, FWB currently has reached the same level of proficiency as my ex.


----------



## FeministInPink

firebelly1 said:


> If I were to take bets, I'd say your sex drive will have you going down a different path. But...ok.


Ha ha, fair enough!



firebelly1 said:


> Seems like you could use a fvck buddy but it's hard to find a new one of those that you're comfortable with without investing some time and attention. As i can attest to. Easy enough to find volunteers but you have to weed through them to find one you're comfortable with.


Exactly, and if I'm going to invest that much time in finding a FWB/FB, I might as well invest that energy finding the type of relationship I might want instead.

I just need to spend a little time listen to myself and better understand what exactly it is that I want, so that I can actively look for THAT and clearly express what I want to a potential partner. And so that I can make sure that I get what I want and need. This is something that's always been lacking in my relationships in the past, and I need to change that.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Unfortunately, JB and I might not be good in helping you figure out HOW to address this problem. You need to hear from a woman who wasn't into it, and how she might have been persuaded to do it more.


:rofl::smthumbup:

Right on.



firebelly1 said:


> I don't think you have a big enough sample size in terms of the number of times you've had sex to determine how she feels about them. Can't hurt to ask her about it.


I don't know. 3 out of 15 times ... makes me think it's really not her bag. Plus, if she is unenthusiastic about it, he can probably tell. It's the same with us. There are some men who worship vagina and happily want to take their tongue on a roller coaster through the lady park and some that just...don't..care. You feel the vibes, man.



3Xnocharm said:


> I think all of us ladies have dealt with an ass like this at some point. It takes a while to change your mindset after one of these types.


I can honestly say I've never had a partner force me to do a BJ. That is awful, 3x.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> I can honestly say I've never had a partner force me to do a BJ. That is awful, 3x.


Well, not PHYSICALLY forced...mental manipulation. Making you feel like you HAVE to do it. Bleh.


----------



## ne9907

Background:
Having an extremely stressfull and disconcerting time at work. It all boils down to a HUGE pay cut, HUGE cut in benefits etc etc etc....

I need release. I called Navy guy, asked him for a booty call, he agreed so I will meet him Friday. 
Release.... I need some release....Before you all jump me let me say that I do not want to have sex with someone new! 
It would be so easy to get on Tinder, ping the first guy and say DTF? But why? when I already have someone who I know and trust sexually


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl::smthumbup:
> 
> Right on.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know. 3 out of 15 times ... makes me think it's really not her bag. Plus, if she is unenthusiastic about it, he can probably tell. It's the same with us. There are some men who worship vagina and happily want to take their tongue on a roller coaster through the lady park and some that just...don't..care. You feel the vibes, man.
> 
> 
> 
> I can honestly say I've never had a partner force me to do a BJ. That is awful, 3x.


She's good at it (I've had bad head) and doesn't seem unenthused when doing it, it's more the frequency and duration...

This is a tricky one. Maybe next time she cuts it short, I'll ask "is that not enjoyable for you?"

Is that gentle enough of an approach? Although with the infrequency it could be a long time before I get the opportunity to even ask that question.


----------



## vi_bride04

Just wanted to comment on the bj thing... If your load tastes bad that could be the reluctance but you won't know until you ask. 

Oooh and what 3x said. My ex also used mental manipulation to try to get me to give him bjs. I enjoyed giving them immensely until him. And he said OW gave way better ones than me. That was back in 2008 and I'm just getting back into enjoying giving them again.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Just wanted to comment on the bj thing... If your load tastes bad that could be the reluctance but you won't know until you ask.
> 
> Oooh and what 3x said. My ex also used mental manipulation to try to get me to give him bjs. I enjoyed giving them immensely until him. And he said OW gave way better ones than me. That was back in 2008 and I'm just getting back into enjoying giving them again.


I've never cum in her mouth. But I've been told before my load tastes yummy.


----------



## RandomDude

Healer said:


> I've never cum in her mouth. But I've been told before my load tastes yummy.


The taste varies based on your health and diet, in the past my ex considered a way to check on my health.

Personally I preferred women not to swallow, cause I'll have to kiss her later and dont want my own man juice in my mouth. Fem juice though - yum yum


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> The taste varies based on your health and diet, in the past my ex considered a way to check on my health.


Well, it certainly beats a prostate exam.


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Heck, many women in the past suck so bad at it I sit there for ages and they can't even get me off. Heck, I got more enjoyment performing oral on them than by letting them do their thing on me.
> 
> Still, just takes abit of communication, FWB currently has reached the same level of proficiency as my ex.


I've been surprised in the recent past by guys who say they have a hard time getting off with a bj. But I take pride in the fact that with me, they do anyway.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> I've never cum in her mouth. But I've been told before my load tastes yummy.


FYI...depends on what you've been eating to some extent. Pineapple helps.  But as Dan Savage says, no one ever liked Guiness the first time they had it. Jizz is an acquired taste (and texture, which I find to be the most difficult part of swallowing.)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

firebelly1 said:


> I've been surprised in the recent past by guys who say they have a hard time getting off with a bj. But I take pride in the fact that with me, they do anyway.


The majority of men I have been with have told me this, actually. Skill level of the giver didnt seem to matter, either.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> I've been surprised in the recent past by guys who say they have a hard time getting off with a bj. But I take pride in the fact that with me, they do anyway.


I rarely can.


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> The majority of men I have been with have told me this, actually. Skill level of the giver didnt seem to matter, either.


Yup - even with mad skills I find it difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. It's a psychological thing. But whenever I did finish in the woman's mouth, it was pretty spectacular. 

All this talk is getting me a little chubby.


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> She's good at it (I've had bad head) and doesn't seem unenthused when doing it, it's more the frequency and duration...
> 
> This is a tricky one. Maybe next time she cuts it short, I'll ask "is that not enjoyable for you?"
> 
> Is that gentle enough of an approach? Although with the infrequency it could be a long time before I get the opportunity to even ask that question.


You can put a positive spin on it and say "Oh that feels nice...could you do that a bit longer?"


----------



## firebelly1

Healer said:


> Yup - even with mad skills I find it difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. It's a psychological thing. But whenever I did finish in the woman's mouth, it was pretty spectacular.
> 
> All this talk is getting me a little chubby.


Yeah...I've read that here on TAM too and I'm surprised. Most guys I've been with can and have. Not that there's anything wrong with it.  I WILL swallow but if I had the choice I'd rather not.


----------



## RandomDude

For me the best BJs I ever had was with teases implemented in the whole act, instead of rushing to the finish line. Bare in mind though, the climax do tend to be very intense with the buildup/teasing so expect ropes and ropes. FWB is great but she still lacks mastery, hell even my ex didn't get it right all the time either.

Maybe I'm just very hard to please


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Yeah...I've read that here on TAM too and I'm surprised. Most guys I've been with can and have. Not that there's anything wrong with it.  I WILL swallow but if I had the choice I'd rather not.


I remember a woman I slept with on and off for over a year (last time was July)...the first few times with her I couldn't cum. That used to happen to me in the early days after my separation. It was just so foreign being inside another woman after being with my wife for 14 years that it would take me time to loosen up enough to rope.

So I didn't jerk off for a couple weeks or something, hoping to build sensitivity. She went down on me and finally I came in her mouth. Poor woman. She ran to the bathroom with a giant mouthful, came back and said "My GOD, you have you giant load".


----------



## moxy

In my opinion, the best way to encourage a lover to do more of something is to show that lover how much that thing turns you on. Most people want to please their partners. Maybe your gal just needs to hear how much you dig it?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> In my opinion, the best way to encourage a lover to do more of something is to show that lover how much that thing turns you on. Most people want to please their partners. Maybe your gal just needs to hear how much you dig it?


Yes, lying there still and silent tells us NOTHING....


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> In my opinion, the best way to encourage a lover to do more of something is to show that lover how much that thing turns you on. Most people want to please their partners. Maybe your gal just needs to hear how much you dig it?


Hmm, hadn't thought of that. I'm not the most vocal lover...that's a great idea for a first attempt. Really let her know I'm enjoying it fully completely. Like Elaine on Seinfeld. ;-)


----------



## RandomDude

Tis why I recommended communication no?

Still even then, alot of women just don't have it


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, lying there still and silent tells us NOTHING....


Gotcha. Next time I'll throw in some "oh God babe, that feels amazing!" and some moans and stuff. That would be awesome if that's all it is. Here's hoping.


----------



## Healer

She always says "you're making me cum" when we do it - I _love_ that. And one thing that makes me giggle is when she puts her hand over her mouth and her eyes go all big when she's cumming but trying to be quiet (like when she sleeps over).


----------



## RandomDude

That's why BJs are overrated in my opinion, I prefer sending a woman to heaven instead, watch her arch her back, curling her toes, squeezing... you know. Much more fun then just watching her sucky sucky!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> She always says "you're making me cum" when we do it - I _love_ that. And one thing that makes me giggle is when she puts her hand over her mouth and her eyes go all big when she's cumming but trying to be quiet (like when she sleeps over).


Haha, I love it being announced! You know you have them then..LOL!


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> Tis why I recommended communication no?
> 
> Still even then, alot of women just don't have it


Wow. Hope you aren't actually saying this kind of stuff. If I had any indication from my lover that I could just never hope to be good enough, I'd never give him a bj again. 

But, to be fair, I have heard men are better at giving bj's 'cause they know their way around the equipment. Maybe you should try that?


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> Wow. Hope you aren't actually saying this kind of stuff. If I had any indication from my lover that I could just never hope to be good enough, I'd never give him a bj again.
> 
> But, to be fair, I have heard men are better at giving bj's 'cause they know their way around the equipment. Maybe you should try that?


Oh snap.


----------



## moxy

Healer said:


> Gotcha. Next time I'll throw in some "oh God babe, that feels amazing!" and some moans and stuff. That would be awesome if that's all it is. Here's hoping.



Do you not do that already? Personally, I'm all about the talking dirty kinda thing. Makes the experience more intense. I have never been with someone who wasn't vocal. So, I'd say....yes, be vocal!


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> Wow. Hope you aren't actually saying this kind of stuff. If I had any indication from my lover that I could just never hope to be good enough, I'd never give him a bj again.
> 
> But, to be fair, I have heard men are better at giving bj's 'cause they know their way around the equipment. Maybe you should try that?


Nah, I'm not THAT mean 

Some things you just don't say, besides I can't expect too much. Gets me off? All good in my book. Gets me off unbelievably - extra points! 

Tis the same with women no?


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> Do you not do that already? Personally, I'm all about the talking dirty kinda thing. Makes the experience more intense. I have never been with someone who wasn't vocal. So, I'd say....yes, be vocal!


I'm vocal but not always. And with the oral thing, it's always so short I don't really have time to get vocal!


----------



## RandomDude

Man moans... *shiver*

Can't imagine myself man-moaning, still can't believe some women like it either - like WTF? O.O


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Man moans... *shiver*
> 
> Can't imagine myself man-moaning, still can't believe some women like it either - like WTF? O.O


So what, you lay there like a corpse? I sure hope not, lol!


----------



## RandomDude

Of course not lol

But I'm sure you don't need me to elaborate on the err... particular noises I make when I'm doing the deed yes? 

Just know it's NOT man-moans... *shiver* bleh, even thinking about it makes me feel all bleh!


----------



## moxy

One can be vocal without moaning excessively. Saying nasty, filthy things can be awesome. 

My life is boring and nerdy this week; it's full of paper grading and student meetings. Sigh.


----------



## RandomDude

Exactly 

Still I find it curious how some women find man moans arousing


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> Exactly
> 
> Still I find it curious how some women find man moans arousing


They also find penises arousing. Does this puzzle you also?


----------



## RandomDude

Not all  Some like to scissor!

Also many women find man-moans unpleasant to hear as well, take my first gf for example when I was 16, she hammered it out of me, never man-moaned since. 

Over the years I was under the impression that it's unpleasant, and never believed the women who told me otherwise - including my ex wife. Hence why I find it curious.


----------



## Waits4Mr.Right

I like to hear my man moan...mostly b/c I know he tries not to. I like knowing that I turn on my man. It's a major turn on for me to know that I can get That reaction out of him. Mmmm


----------



## RandomDude

Waits4Mr.Right said:


> I like to hear my man moan...mostly b/c I know he tries not to. I like knowing that I turn on my man. It's a major turn on for me to know that I can get That reaction out of him. Mmmm


First part sounds like my ex. Second part... I dunno. It's been ages since I've been with her. I only remember the power struggles mostly, but that was how we were.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Personally, I'm all about the talking dirty kinda thing.


Lol. I love it, too.


----------



## firebelly1

I prefer it when a man makes noise. It's a turn-on for me but it's also feedback. The more noise he makes, the more I want to keep doing what I'm doing because I know it's working. Which is true for guys too right? When we women make noise it's feedback about how you're doing.


----------



## RandomDude

firebelly1 said:


> I prefer it when a man makes noise. It's a turn-on for me but it's also feedback. The more noise he makes, the more I want to keep doing what I'm doing because I know it's working. Which is true for guys too right? When we women make noise it's feedback about how you're doing.


But fem noises sound so much nicer than man noises


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> But fem noises sound so much nicer than man noises


I'll take your word for it. ;-)


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> But fem noises sound so much nicer than man noises


Not to me.


----------



## RandomDude

But man noises shouldn't sound like fem noises made using an adam's apple yes?

Short "moans", groans, heavy breathing, dirty talk etc -> these are acceptable no? Instead of... errrr.... "ahhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhh" (sorry, it's kinda hard to make a man moan using the keyboard!)... right?


----------



## firebelly1

RandomDude said:


> But man noises shouldn't sound like fem noises made using an adam's apple yes?
> 
> Short "moans", groans, heavy breathing, dirty talk etc -> these are acceptable no? Instead of... errrr.... "ahhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhh" (sorry, it's kinda hard to make a man moan using the keyboard!)... right?


I THINK I know what you're getting at. If the "ahhhs" are a baritone or bass vocal range instead of alto or soprano, you should be good.


----------



## RandomDude

Haha, thought so  Thanks for clarifying lol


----------



## FeministInPink

My noises/sounds/exclamations/interjections have almost always been involuntary/in the heat of the moment, and I kind of always assumed it was the same for other people. I figured, if I'm getting naked with somebody, might as well drop all the pretense and just go with it. And I'm usually to into whatever's going on to really put any thought into it. So I'm amazed to hear that y'all have put a substantial amount of thought into it. (Not a bad thing/criticism, just an observation.)

Personally, I think pretty much any sound expressing pleasure is sexy and a turn on.

Then again, my XH told me I was the most vocal woman he'd ever been with. And he didn't mean it as a compliment. Then again, my XH was a d!ck. I've never had any other man complain, and I have a much larger sample size to draw from than my XH does.


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> But man noises shouldn't sound like fem noises made using an adam's apple yes?
> 
> Short "moans", groans, heavy breathing, dirty talk etc -> these are acceptable no? Instead of... errrr.... "ahhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhh" (sorry, it's kinda hard to make a man moan using the keyboard!)... right?


I don't think there are rules, bro. As long as you're not squealing like Ned Beatty, you're probably OK.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> My noises/sounds/exclamations/interjections have almost always been involuntary/in the heat of the moment, and I kind of always assumed it was the same for other people. I figured, if I'm getting naked with somebody, might as well drop all the pretense and just go with it. And I'm usually to into whatever's going on to really put any thought into it. So I'm amazed to hear that y'all have put a substantial amount of thought into it. (Not a bad thing/criticism, just an observation.)
> 
> Personally, I think pretty much any sound expressing pleasure is sexy and a turn on.
> 
> Then again, my XH told me I was the most vocal woman he'd ever been with. And he didn't mean it as a compliment. Then again, my XH was a d!ck. I've never had any other man complain, and I have a much larger sample size to draw from than my XH does.


I love that different women make different noises. The woman I was with previous to the current one would pant like a dog when she came. Malta does the loud moaning thing. The woman before these 2 was more quiet - hard to read. She'd tell me she was cumming but you wouldn't know it otherwise. That's no fun.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Personally, I think pretty much any sound expressing pleasure is sexy and a turn on.


Well, honestly... no - at least from my experience as a guy anyway.

Some sounds do turn me off as well, just how it is. Hence I find such acceptance that you women have quite interesting, like... for me...

It can actually be a dealbreaker to me; how a woman sounds.


----------



## moxy

I had a long day at work. Still crushing on this guy I'm kinda sorta seeing. We were scheduled to get together this Saturday for a romantic evening -- hanging out, hooking up, sleeping over. Tonight, I get home and he booty calls me, says he wants to come over right now (2 hour drive). It's super late, I'm exhausted, but I'm also horny as hell. But, suddenly, I'm a little confused. Why not tomorrow night, so I can prepare, get dressed up etc? Why not Saturday night as planned? He starts being all odd and Mopey. Apparently, he's been drinking. I was so frazzled by it all. I told him that I totally wanted him, but that I'd rather we plan to get together tomorrow night instead and he seemed all put out by it. I'm a little bothered by this. On the one hand, it's flattering that he wanted to get together sooner; on the other, I don't want a booty call when I'm expecting a date (though, if I wasn't expecting the latter, I'd have been okay with the former). Honestly, if he shows up tonight, I will totally do him, but...I'm a little bothered by this very sudden change of plans; it didn't make me feel special.  Thoughts or opinions from anyone? Should I have just said, "okay, come on over" and not stopped to think?


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I had a long day at work. Still crushing on this guy I'm kinda sorta seeing. We were scheduled to get together this Saturday for a romantic evening -- hanging out, hooking up, sleeping over. Tonight, I get home and he booty calls me, says he wants to come over right now *(2 hour drive)*. It's super late, I'm exhausted, but I'm also horny as hell. But, suddenly, I'm a little confused. Why not tomorrow night, so I can prepare, get dressed up etc? Why not Saturday night as planned? He starts being all odd and Mopey. *Apparently, he's been drinking.* I was so frazzled by it all. I told him that I totally wanted him, but that I'd rather we plan to get together tomorrow night instead and he seemed all put out by it. I'm a little bothered by this. On the one hand, it's flattering that he wanted to get together sooner; on the other, I don't want a booty call when I'm expecting a date (though, if I wasn't expecting the latter, I'd have been okay with the former). Honestly, if he shows up tonight, I will totally do him, but...I'm a little bothered by this very sudden change of plans; it didn't make me feel special.  Thoughts or opinions from anyone? Should I have just said, "okay, come on over" and not stopped to think?


-.-


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I had a long day at work. Still crushing on this guy I'm kinda sorta seeing. We were scheduled to get together this Saturday for a romantic evening -- hanging out, hooking up, sleeping over. Tonight, I get home and he booty calls me, says he wants to come over right now (2 hour drive). It's super late, I'm exhausted, but I'm also horny as hell. But, suddenly, I'm a little confused. Why not tomorrow night, so I can prepare, get dressed up etc? Why not Saturday night as planned? *He starts being all odd and Mopey. Apparently, he's been drinking.* I was so frazzled by it all. I told him that I totally wanted him, but that I'd rather we plan to get together tomorrow night instead and he seemed all put out by it. I'm a little bothered by this. On the one hand, it's flattering that he wanted to get together sooner; on the other, I don't want a booty call when I'm expecting a date (though, if I wasn't expecting the latter, I'd have been okay with the former). Honestly, if he shows up tonight, I will totally do him, but...*I'm a little bothered by this very sudden change of plans; it didn't make me feel special. * Thoughts or opinions from anyone? Should I have just said, "okay, come on over" and not stopped to think?


If he shows up, you need to send him back to where he came from. This is a total d!ck move, and it does not speak well of this man at all. Especially if he has been drinking before he contacted you. RED FLAGS, Mox.


----------



## RandomDude

It's quite interesting how we pick out different things 3Xnocharm heh


----------



## moxy

Well, I went to sleep. He didn't come over, so I guess he listened when I said "no, not like this." I'm not sure what that means for the rest of the weekend or beyond. I am okay with being a FWB if that is where this is going, but I don't want to feel disrespected. My feelings have changed a bit.


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> On the one hand, it's flattering that he wanted to get together sooner; on the other, I don't want a booty call when I'm expecting a date (though, if I wasn't expecting the latter, I'd have been okay with the former).
> 
> I'm a little bothered by this very sudden change of plans; it didn't make me feel special.





moxy said:


> I am okay with being a FWB if that is where this is going, but I don't want to feel disrespected. My feelings have changed a bit.


He calls you late at night for a booty call when he's drinking and you're tired and you were expecting a date tomorrow. Why do you feel bad about feeling tired and looking forward to what you had already planned?

Personally I'd think it was kind of lame if some guy was hitting me up all late and drunk for sex and then got annoyed when I said I was tired (late at night). 

Are you sure you only want to be FWB? Because if that's the case, then the booty call thing is just what it entails. 

I would be turned off if a guy set a date for me and the night before starts acting upset when he drunk dials me/drunk texts me for sex and gets upset if I don't want to all late at night in advance of our date. How lame.


----------



## moxy

It was definitely lame. I'm upset and disappointed. He said he wanted to date me and now he's acting like he just wants sex. I no longer respect him enough to want to be his girlfriend, but I enjoyed making out with him last week, so the idea of sex is still appealing -- in a low down and after midnight kind of way, unfortunately, which makes me feel a little vulgar and ashamed. The idea of good sex is compelling, but, at the same time, it's now tinged with disappointment that this other thing we seemed to be doing can be offset by a bit of drink and is, therefore, not so special. A casual thing should feel more...passionate, intense, spontaneous, sublime, not so....diluted. I'm annoyed. On the one hand, I do want to hook up, but on the other hand, I'd now be hooking up with someone for whom I have lost respect, someone who I'd be using just for his body, and that isn't quite sitting well with me right now.  I was turned off by his actions, which is why I told him that I wasn't into it last night, but I am upset with myself for thinking that a little sex is better than nothing, despite it. I feel like I've been tricked, a little, offered one thing but presented with something else.  feeling conflicted and stressed out.


----------



## RandomDude

Chill, don't think too much and chances are you'll probably get an apology in the morning. If he remembers that is.

Anyway, you did tell him not to drink and drive right? I wonder what was his response.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> It was definitely lame. I'm upset and disappointed. He said he wanted to date me and now he's acting like he just wants sex. I no longer respect him enough to want to be his girlfriend, but I enjoyed making out with him last week, so the idea of sex is still appealing -- in a low down and after midnight kind of way, unfortunately, which makes me feel a little vulgar and ashamed. The idea of good sex is compelling, but, at the same time, it's now tinged with disappointment that this other thing we seemed to be doing can be offset by a bit of drink and is, therefore, not so special. I'm annoyed. On the one hand, I do want to hook up, but on the other hand, *I'd now be hooking up with someone for whom I have lost respect, someone who I'd be using just for his body, and that isn't quite sitting well with me right now.*  I was turned off by his actions, which is why I told him that I wasn't into it last night, but I am upset with myself for thinking that a little sex is better than nothing, despite it.  feeling conflicted and stressed out.


Follow your gut. Self-respect with no sex is better for you and your emotional health than a little quick-fix sex with a guy like this. You can do better, moxy. Even if all you want is just sex, you can find a guy who will treat you with respect and will be willing to have NSA sex with you. Don't waste it on this guy.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> I had a long day at work. Still crushing on this guy I'm kinda sorta seeing. We were scheduled to get together this Saturday for a romantic evening -- hanging out, hooking up, sleeping over. Tonight, I get home and he booty calls me, says he wants to come over right now (2 hour drive). It's super late, I'm exhausted, but I'm also horny as hell. But, suddenly, I'm a little confused. Why not tomorrow night, so I can prepare, get dressed up etc? Why not Saturday night as planned? He starts being all odd and Mopey. Apparently, he's been drinking. I was so frazzled by it all. I told him that I totally wanted him, but that I'd rather we plan to get together tomorrow night instead and he seemed all put out by it. I'm a little bothered by this. On the one hand, it's flattering that he wanted to get together sooner; on the other, I don't want a booty call when I'm expecting a date (though, if I wasn't expecting the latter, I'd have been okay with the former). Honestly, if he shows up tonight, I will totally do him, but...I'm a little bothered by this very sudden change of plans; it didn't make me feel special.  Thoughts or opinions from anyone? Should I have just said, "okay, come on over" and not stopped to think?


Dont read too much into it. I feel it is kind of cute he called you and not soemone else. THe fact that he reached out to you means he is probably comfortable around you and has already designated you as someone important enough to see his "fvcked up" side.

If you expect a date, do not be okay with booty call. DO NOT!! 
Booty calls are just that, you want more from him ask for it. Tell him exactly what you want. 

On another news, today is Friday!! yay!!! Booty call friday for me~
Which btw, I am extremely happy about!!!! SO happy that I am afraid this weather will end up messing with my plans.
Yes, it is navy guy.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> THe fact that he reached out to you means he is probably comfortable around you and has already designated you as someone important enough to see his "fvcked up" side.


Or, he could just be wasted


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Follow your gut. Self-respect with no sex is better for you and your emotional health than a little quick-fix sex with a guy like this. You can do better, moxy. Even if all you want is just sex, you can find a guy who will treat you with respect and will be willing to have NSA sex with you. Don't waste it on this guy.


What FIP said!


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> On another news, today is Friday!! yay!!! Booty call friday for me~
> Which btw, I am extremely happy about!!!! SO happy that I am afraid this weather will end up messing with my plans.
> Yes, it is navy guy.


Wait - isn't Navy guy the married one? Or am I confusing him with someone else? :scratchhead:


----------



## firebelly1

moxy said:


> Well, I went to sleep. He didn't come over, so I guess he listened when I said "no, not like this." I'm not sure what that means for the rest of the weekend or beyond. I am okay with being a FWB if that is where this is going, but I don't want to feel disrespected. My feelings have changed a bit.


:scratchhead: Okay with FWB but don't want to feel disrespected. this is puzzling to me. As JB says, FWB is all about booty calls. 

But regardless...you have made a date for what you both know is going to include sex. He calls you the night before asking if he could have the sex a little early. You were going to have sex anyway. How does this change things really in terms of what his intentions might be?


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> It was definitely lame. I'm upset and disappointed. He said he wanted to date me and now he's acting like he just wants sex. I no longer respect him enough to want to be his girlfriend, but I enjoyed making out with him last week, so the idea of sex is still appealing -- in a low down and after midnight kind of way, unfortunately, which makes me feel a little vulgar and ashamed. The idea of good sex is compelling, but, at the same time, it's now tinged with disappointment that this other thing we seemed to be doing can be offset by a bit of drink and is, therefore, not so special. A casual thing should feel more...passionate, intense, spontaneous, sublime, not so....diluted. I'm annoyed. On the one hand, I do want to hook up, but on the other hand, I'd now be hooking up with someone for whom I have lost respect, someone who I'd be using just for his body, and that isn't quite sitting well with me right now.  I was turned off by his actions, which is why I told him that I wasn't into it last night, but I am upset with myself for thinking that a little sex is better than nothing, despite it. I feel like I've been tricked, a little, offered one thing but presented with something else.  feeling conflicted and stressed out.


This is a classic bait and switch. Sounds like a tool.


----------



## Healer

firebelly1 said:


> :scratchhead: Okay with FWB but don't want to feel disrespected. this is puzzling to me. As JB says, FWB is all about booty calls.
> 
> But regardless...you have made a date for what you both know is going to include sex. He calls you the night before asking if he could have the sex a little early. You were going to have sex anyway. How does this change things really in terms of what his intentions might be?


Sounds like she's not so sure she just wants FWB, and the fact that they had a "date" planned got her hopes up it would, if fact, be more than just a booty call.


----------



## Healer

I turned Malta down for a sleepover last night. I wanted to focus on my kids as I won't see them this weekend, and because I wanted to manage her expectations in terms of frequency. She's coming over tonight and I am going to play live tomorrow. She asked if she could come, I said sure, which means Saturday will be a sleepover as well. Sunday she wants to drive to the mountains, but again, that's too much for me. I'm going to want Sunday afternoon/evening to myself.

My buddies are worried I have a "stage 5 clinger" on my hands. It's been a month we've been seeing each other and it's gotten kinda serious kinda fast. She's always saying how terribly she misses me...I find that sweet and flattering. But I hope my friends aren't right. She seems to have fallen for me...which tends to freak me out a little. However I am looking forward to seeing her tonight.

One of my female colleagues, who chatted with her a fair bit at the xmas party, went off to me about how much she likes her, and said "good job" on getting with her. That was nice.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I turned Malta down for a sleepover last night. I wanted to focus on my kids as I won't see them this weekend, and because I wanted to manage her expectations in terms of frequency. She's coming over tonight and I am going to play live tomorrow. She asked if she could come, I said sure, which means Saturday will be a sleepover as well. Sunday she wants to drive to the mountains, but again, that's too much for me. I'm going to want Sunday afternoon/evening to myself.
> 
> My buddies are worried I have a "stage 5 clinger" on my hands. It's been a month we've been seeing each other and it's gotten kinda serious kinda fast. She's always saying how terribly she misses me...I find that sweet and flattering. But I hope my friends aren't right. She seems to have fallen for me...which tends to freak me out a little. However I am looking forward to seeing her tonight.
> 
> One of my female colleagues, who chatted with her a fair bit at the xmas party, went off to me about how much she likes her, and said "good job" on getting with her. That was nice.


You've got to talk to her about this, Healer. Tell her that you enjoy her company and you like spending time with her, but you need thing to slow down a little bit. That you need time to take care of other things and maintaining a sense of balance in your life. If she freaks out about it, tell her you don't want to screw things up by taking things too fast, and that the spark isn't going to go away if you spend a little less time together.

If she really freaks out, you might have a clinger. But a balanced, rational woman will recognize the logic and see that it makes sense.


----------



## moxy

I guess I'm still trying to make sense of my feelings and reactions.



RandomDude said:


> Chill, don't think too much and chances are you'll probably get an apology in the morning. If he remembers that is.
> 
> Anyway, you did tell him not to drink and drive right? I wonder what was his response.


So far, no apology or follow up. I did tell him not to drive while he was drunk; he claimed he wasn't drunk and had only had a little, but he certainly seemed otherwise. :/



FeministInPink said:


> Follow your gut. Self-respect with no sex is better for you and your emotional health than a little quick-fix sex with a guy like this. You can do better, moxy. Even if all you want is just sex, you can find a guy who will treat you with respect and will be willing to have NSA sex with you. Don't waste it on this guy.


Last week, when we went out, I felt soooo differently about him. This was not like what I've seen in the past two weeks. Even if it's NSA sex, it should still feel right for both people in the moment.



Jellybeans said:


> Wait - isn't Navy guy the married one? Or am I confusing him with someone else? :scratchhead:


Blue Eyes was the married one. Navy was the one NE went out with for a bit and then broke up with; she is seeing him again.



firebelly1 said:


> :scratchhead: Okay with FWB but don't want to feel disrespected. this is puzzling to me. As JB says, FWB is all about booty calls.
> 
> But regardless...you have made a date for what you both know is going to include sex. He calls you the night before asking if he could have the sex a little early. You were going to have sex anyway. How does this change things really in terms of what his intentions might be?


I don't think that casual sex must be at odds with respect. I'm not asking for commitment, but I am asking for the experience to take into account the wishes of both people involved. Yes, we were planning on having sex; the idea of doing so a couple of days sooner is not the issue. I'd been wishing for it all week. If he had called me and said, "I really want you. I can't stop thinking about it, and I am on my way over there, now," and was actually in a car on the way here, that would have been spontaneous, driven by passion. It would have sent the message that he wanted me in that moment. That would have been great. If he had called me at 8pm and not been drunk and said, "I really want to be with you tonight instead of waiting a couple of days," I would have been fine with that, too. That is not the same thing as "I'm drunk and saying crazy things and I wanna get laid right now and not bother with the date we had planned, so I'm going to be there at 2 am, but I'm also taking off at 6am because I have stuff to do tomorrow." So, I guess that for me the issue isn't hooking up sooner, but that he changed our plans out of drunkenness instead of desire. I also didn't like that he was moody when I said, what happened to Saturday's date or even "what about tomorrow?" He said that he was in the mood now and didn't know if he would be in the mood tomorrow. It felt manipulative. A booty call doesn't need to make you feel like a ho. I really, really wanted him, but his attitude turned me right off.



Healer said:


> This is a classic bait and switch. Sounds like a tool.


 I hope not, but I suspect that it's so. Mostly, I think he was just drunk and being a dumbs-s.



Healer said:


> Sounds like she's not so sure she just wants FWB, and the fact that they had a "date" planned got her hopes up it would, if fact, be more than just a booty call.


I have no problem with the FWB thing; in fact, I find that it's often more convenient than a relationship because there is less drama. However, I would prefer a short-term boyfriend, which is what he offered and which is why I chose him over the other Tinder guy who was definitely just a FWB candidate. I don't like that he suggested one thing and then changed the game. Really, if he hadn't been acting all drunk and if I had not been so exhausted from a really rough week and if he had just given me a little bit more notice so that I could have gotten all ready, I would have said "hurry the hell over here". In the past, I had no problem with Guy texting me and asking, "You coming over tonight? I want you." because the difference was in how he did it: he made me feel desired, not just…convenient.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> You've got to talk to her about this, Healer. Tell her that you enjoy her company and you like spending time with her, but you need thing to slow down a little bit. That you need time to take care of other things and maintaining a sense of balance in your life. If she freaks out about it, tell her you don't want to screw things up by taking things too fast, and that the spark isn't going to go away if you spend a little less time together.
> 
> If she really freaks out, you might have a clinger. But a balanced, rational woman will recognize the logic and see that it makes sense.


I agree!:iagree:


----------



## firebelly1

moxy said:


> I have no problem with the FWB thing; in fact, I find that it's often more convenient than a relationship because there is less drama. However, I would prefer a short-term boyfriend, which is what he offered and which is why I chose him over the other Tinder guy who was definitely just a FWB candidate. I don't like that he suggested one thing and then changed the game. Really, if he hadn't been acting all drunk and if I had not been so exhausted from a really rough week and if he had just given me a little bit more notice so that I could have gotten all ready, I would have said "hurry the hell over here". In the past, I had no problem with Guy texting me and asking, "You coming over tonight? I want you." because the difference was in how he did it: he made me feel desired, not just…convenient.


I get that. I missed that subtlety the first time I read it. Him being annoyed is a problem for sure.


----------



## moxy

firebelly1 said:


> I get that. I missed that subtlety the first time I read it. Him being annoyed is a problem for sure.


I guess it's possible that he was just disappointed and mopey, rather than annoyed, but...I did try to cooperate. I told him outright that changing plans like this made me feel nervous and uncomfortable, like he was just horny but not really in the mood for me in particular, that if he could help me feel at ease, I would be willing to get together that night, and that it might ease my anxiousness if he talked to me for a bit (he's normally very flirty and sexy and if he had been that, instead of weird and drunk, I would have said "okay, come over"), but he was just...not understanding what I needed. I didn't feel a connection in that moment, even though I wanted to feel one. 

I know that the whole FWB thing is murky, but I really do believe that people can take pleasure in each other's bodies for the moment without thinking of some forever attached to it, without seeing that pleasure as an expression of commitment or love; it really can just be joy in the moment itself. I suppose that I'm just trying to explain that this didn't feel like a FWB vs Relationship conflict in me, but like a Turned-On vs Turned-Off conflict. I don't think that sexual pleasure must be connected to love or commitment or convention, though it often is.

Those of you that are currently involved with others, casually, does "the mood" matter? If you're in an FWB relationship, do you feel the need to be available to the other person upon request, and do you expect the other person to always be available to you? 

Marriage carries so many expectations of obligation, in general, that it's hard to separate oneself from what is expected of the self, after a while. It's hard to unlearn the bad habits. I wonder if it has to do with boundaries or communication. Anyway, in marriage and in courtship, I think that the ideas of obligation and expectation and "the mood" differ. People in love are supposed to want it all the time; sometimes that's true and sometimes it isn't. What about people in lust?


----------



## 06Daddio08

A drunk booty call the day before a date is a red flag. What is he, 20?

Didn't think so.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> I turned Malta down for a sleepover last night. I wanted to focus on my kids as I won't see them this weekend, and because I wanted to manage her expectations in terms of frequency. She's coming over tonight and I am going to play live tomorrow. She asked if she could come, I said sure, which means Saturday will be a sleepover as well. Sunday she wants to drive to the mountains, but again, that's too much for me. I'm going to want Sunday afternoon/evening to myself.
> 
> *My buddies are worried I have a "stage 5 clinger" on my hands. It's been a month we've been seeing each other and it's gotten kinda serious kinda fast*. She's always saying how terribly she misses me...I find that sweet and flattering. But I hope my friends aren't right. She seems to have fallen for me...which tends to freak me out a little. However I am looking forward to seeing her tonight.
> 
> One of my female colleagues, who chatted with her a fair bit at the xmas party, went off to me about how much she likes her, and said "good job" on getting with her. That was nice.


Look at what you did to make this relationship lighting fast. I for one, should have never accepted a Christmas party invitation. That was a red flag on both of you.
Sometimes when we have been lonely for too long, and find someone who shower us with attention, we want to make a relationship work out of thin air.
Check your boundaries, have a talk with her, she does sound like she is a bit too eager but you do too (at least at the beginning). 
Just be honest with youself and with her. Everything will work out


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Blue Eyes was the married one. Navy was the one NE went out with for a bit and then broke up with; she is seeing him again.
> 
> 
> 
> .


Yay Moxy! For the most part you have it right~

Except, I am not "seeing" Navy again. I really have had a hell week.... I need some sex. I asked him, he agreed. I do not want to find someone new just for some release.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> So far, no apology or follow up. I did tell him not to drive while he was drunk; he claimed he wasn't drunk and had only had a little, but he certainly seemed otherwise. :/


Pity, doesn't seem like he feels accountable for his actions starting an argument in the middle of the night while drunk.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> I turned Malta down for a sleepover last night. I wanted to focus on my kids as I won't see them this weekend, and because I wanted to manage her expectations in terms of frequency. She's coming over tonight and I am going to play live tomorrow. She asked if she could come, I said sure, which means Saturday will be a sleepover as well. Sunday she wants to drive to the mountains, but again, that's too much for me. I'm going to want Sunday afternoon/evening to myself.
> 
> My buddies are worried I have a "stage 5 clinger" on my hands. It's been a month we've been seeing each other and it's gotten kinda serious kinda fast. She's always saying how terribly she misses me...I find that sweet and flattering. But I hope my friends aren't right. She seems to have fallen for me...which tends to freak me out a little. However I am looking forward to seeing her tonight.
> 
> One of my female colleagues, who chatted with her a fair bit at the xmas party, went off to me about how much she likes her, and said "good job" on getting with her. That was nice.


Moving fast is okay as long as you are both comfortable with how it is going. If the pace is good for you, then dont let other people talk you out of it, others should not dictate your relationship. You do sound a little overwhelmed, I'm sure you are surprised at the quick success. Just let her know that its about needing "me" time, not "away from you" time, and I'm sure she will be able to adjust without any drama.


----------



## vi_bride04

Sorry moxy, but if he can't wait one or two nights, f*ck him

Eta: and not in the literal sense


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Sorry moxy, but if he can't wait one or two nights, f*ck him
> 
> Eta: and not in the literal sense


:lol: HA you edited before I could say NO! DONT! lol!!


----------



## RandomDude

Btw Moxy, your story is hitting home for me abit due to what I've seen in my cousin sister's lifestyle. Like me, she's also in the FWB scene, however, I was shattered to learn how many of those men she was with, had absolutely no respect for her. I'm glad you're taking a firm stance in this, even if it's a casual FB encounter, simple manners and respect should take precedent. Respect yourself and your standards above all else.

As for short term relationships, quite frankly, I don't know whether to call me and FWB a short term couple. Right now considering how much we have shared especially after our vacation together, emotions have definitely crept into the mix. I don't know if it's love though, and it wasn't a sudden change, it was gradual. We are incompatible in many ways, but also compatible in others, and I do care for her.

No butterflies, but I feel content, peace, calm, and tranquility with her. Is that enough?


----------



## moxy

RD, calm and peaceful feelings are enough.

Your cousin will be okay, hopefully. Love is good, but not everyone finds it; joy can be found more easily.


----------



## RandomDude

Enough for? A STR? Or just enough to be happy?


----------



## moxy

Enough to be happy, for a while.


----------



## FeministInPink

I totally caved on the "no sex talk" thing with OKC Guy last night 

We've been talking every night (his initiation, not mine--I'm not chasing), and he's going back on the "not ready for dating" thing. He says he was just freaked out by the settlement meeting with the attorney, etc... He wants to get together next week (he has his son this weekend). 

I'm a little more hesitant now, if only because I don't want to get more involved, and then have him say again, "I'm not ready." I've taking sex talk off the table has been good... I've gotten to know him a lot better over the last few days, and it does make me nervous that I'll get attached, because I really like him. He strikes me as a genuinely good man, and we seem to be compatible in a lot of ways.

I suppose that is the risk that anyone takes in a dating relationship, yeah?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Enough for? A STR? Or just enough to be happy?


Both, depending on what you're looking for. Butterflies, that rush? That's infatuation, it's not real love... and the two of you seemed to navigate around that.

What about the supposed "incompatibilities"? Can they be worked around as well? Are they deal breakers?


----------



## ne9907

Navy's get together night was weird as ****.....
Or maybe I am weird, I simply do not know what to make of his attitude. I am taking into consideration that he was divorced in May, his ex wife is already pregnant with another man's child. I think Navy is suffering from depression, when he is not working out at the Gym, he is asleep.

I thought we were just going to bang one out because that is what I asked of him. I got to his place, he gave me a hug and kissed both my forehead and lips, and he wants to go out to dinner. So we went to dinner, afterward we went for drinks where he proceeded to ignore me to a degree (watching the basketball game, so perhaps he wasn't ignoring me as he is a guy and likes sports).
We drove back to his place, I go in the bathroom as soon as we get back and when I came out, he was laying down on the couch
I thought he was just laying down, but he was passed out... I crawled next to him and fell asleep. Woke up about two hours later (he snores loudly!), and asked him to go to bed. He agreed, we head to bed, and he immediately falls asleep!!!

I am thinking "Where is my sexy time!?" I do not initiate because I am afraid of rejection (ex husband's issues). I fall asleep. I keep waking up because he was snoring so loudly!
We both wake up early morning and finally have sex... really good. We fell asleep again and I wake up at around 9am. I realized I have to leave asap and drive to my friend's place to take care of some important issues. 
He walked me to my car, he put his hand behind my back briefly and I decided to hold his hand. We walked like that to my car. 
We got to my car, and he kisses my forehead, lips, smiles, and leaves.
He wanted to go have coffee but I simply did not have time 

He is a strange fellow, for sure.... There wasn't much foreplay when we had sex, not much kissing, it was strange. More like routine....
Strange.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Enough to be happy, for a while.





FeministInPink said:


> Both, depending on what you're looking for. Butterflies, that rush? That's infatuation, it's not real love... and the two of you seemed to navigate around that.
> 
> What about the supposed "incompatibilities"? Can they be worked around as well? Are they deal breakers?


Perhaps butterflies is the wrong term, I just don't know the appropriate term... I just know when there's love or when there's not. Right now, she's a good friend and companion, but I don't love her. But hey, guess it's still enough to be happy.

And I am happy 

As for the incompatibilities, not so sure. Her priorities when it comes picking her partner steers too much on the financial side compared to my ex, which is the main mismatch. I also don't find it complimentary when she finds me sexy due to my wealth. It's something I will have to get over if we are to try a relationship.


----------



## unsure78

RD something my therapist said to me at one point was that a comfortable and peaceful relationship is perhaps more representational of a mature relationship...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Perhaps butterflies is the wrong term, I just don't know the appropriate term... I just know when there's love or when there's not. Right now, she's a good friend and companion, but I don't love her. But hey, guess it's still enough to be happy.
> 
> And I am happy
> 
> As for the incompatibilities, not so sure. Her priorities when it comes picking her partner steers too much on the financial side compared to my ex, which is the main mismatch. *I also don't find it complimentary when she finds me sexy due to my wealth.* It's something I will have to get over if we are to try a relationship.


This may be something you need to get over in general, RD. Most women want a man who can take care of himself and be fiscally responsible--and this might look like we're specifically attracted to wealth.

But I'm not going to get into that, because I know we've had this convo before..


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> RD something my therapist said to me at one point was that a comfortable and peaceful relationship is perhaps more representational of a mature relationship...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I've heard that too, but I dunno... even though she's a good friend, without love to sustain a relationship, I don't know.



FeministInPink said:


> This may be something you need to get over in general, RD. Most women want a man who can take care of himself and be fiscally responsible--and this might look like we're specifically attracted to wealth.
> 
> But I'm not going to get into that, because I know we've had this convo before..


I know, it's something I have to get over. 

On one hand I understand her, and applaud her wisdom. Not to mention despite our financial differences she has always paid for herself whenever she could, she's very give and take, not self-centered.

On the other hand I know that 8 years ago she wouldn't have given me the time of day as I was not yet financially established. Not to mention I also have a mother who remarried for financial security, and that haunts me I guess. I also had an ex who married me prior to my success.

So... it's an internal conflict, and if we are to start a relationship, it's the main hurdle I have to work through.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> He is a strange fellow, for sure.... There wasn't much foreplay when we had sex, not much kissing, it was strange. More like routine....
> Strange.


I know people have different sex styles, and I'm not trying be disparaging, but to me that reads as you both were phoning it in. 

Unsatisfying sex rarely rests solely on one partner.

Edited to add: Sorry - backtracked and read your posts. I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect someone you are "using for release" to make passionate love to you. Plus it sounds like neither of you is that into the other one, which is sort of an ego/sex/mood killer. Just my two cents.


----------



## bravenewworld

Today I quit my 3rd job. Another employee said something extremely racist to me with others chiming in on agreement. It is not the right place for me. The loss of money will hurt, but I truly believe I need to surround myself with those who uplift me. I'm moving forward and believing something good will come from this setback. 

Had lunch with a girlfriend who also went through divorce - she said it took her a few years as well to get back on her feet financially. Sometimes in the men's section I get ticked when I see someone railing about how divorce favors women. My ex lives in a penthouse - I live in a guest house. 
But in my defense - it's a really nice guest house.  

Today I treated myself to my favorite sandwich (turkey club wrapped in lettuce with extra crispy bacon, yum!) then took a walk through the local holiday parade/gift fair. The city had put up a large tree with all the trimmings. It was a really nice night!

Hope everyone enjoyed their Saturday as well! And got into more mischief than I did. #naughtyelves


----------



## Another Planet

Hi everybody!
I've been super busy so I hope all is well with you all


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> I know people have different sex styles, and I'm not trying be disparaging, but to me that reads as you both were phoning it in.
> 
> Unsatisfying sex rarely rests solely on one partner.
> 
> Edited to add: Sorry - backtracked and read your posts. I think it's a bit unrealistic to expect someone you are "using for release" to make passionate love to you. Plus it sounds like neither of you is that into the other one, which is sort of an ego/sex/mood killer. Just my two cents.


I agree with your two cents 
I should not compare one man's style to another's but I recall that sex with another "booty call" type of relationship was amazing! It was passionate and mind blowing~



bravenewworld said:


> Today I quit my 3rd job. Another employee said something extremely racist to me with others chiming in on agreement. It is not the right place for me. The loss of money will hurt, but I truly believe I need to surround myself with those who uplift me. I'm moving forward and believing something good will come from this setback.
> 
> Had lunch with a girlfriend who also went through divorce - she said it took her a few years as well to get back on her feet financially. Sometimes in the men's section I get ticked when I see someone railing about how divorce favors women. My ex lives in a penthouse - I live in a guest house.
> But in my defense - it's a really nice guest house.
> 
> Today I treated myself to my favorite sandwich (turkey club wrapped in lettuce with extra crispy bacon, yum!) then took a walk through the local holiday parade/gift fair. The city had put up a large tree with all the trimmings. It was a really nice night!
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed their Saturday as well! And got into more mischief than I did. #naughtyelves


It is important to surround ourselves with people who love us and not those who put us down!
Things will get better and keep treating yourself 
For example, even though I might not have a job next month, even though my program is going through an investigation, and even if I do keep my job I will get a HUGE pay cut, I am still treating myself and family to a four day trip to the Grand Canyon!! I am excited!!!!



Another Planet said:


> Hi everybody!
> I've been super busy so I hope all is well with you all


/wave so glad things are well


----------



## RandomDude

Anyone been in a situation where you're with someone, but not together, but whenever you look into each other's eyes, in those moments... when you know there's something between you two?

Momentum is building towards a romance with FWB... and for some reason I can't bring myself to give her the "no emo" speech anymore as my gut tells me she's falling. But it can be wrong signals no?


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Anyone been in a situation where you're with someone, but not together, but whenever you look into each other's eyes, in those moments... when you know there's something between you two?
> 
> Momentum is building towards a romance with FWB... and for some reason I can't bring myself to give her the "no emo" speech anymore as my gut tells me she's falling. But it can be wrong signals no?


Yes I have been with someone, not together, but when we looked into each other's eye, we knew there was something between us.

DO not give her the "no emo" speech. Take a chance. Run wild with scissors 

She might be falling, but you are caring for her more and more each day. It is normal. You are human. It is wonderful. Do not cheat yourself RD.


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Anyone been in a situation where you're with someone, but not together, but whenever you look into each other's eyes, in those moments... when you know there's something between you two?
> 
> Momentum is building towards a romance with FWB... and for some reason I can't bring myself to give her the "no emo" speech anymore as my gut tells me she's falling. But it can be wrong signals no?


The reason you can't bring yourself to give the "no emo" speech? You simply don't want to. 

Sounds like those pesky emotions have developed and neither of you is in 100% control of where this is going. Enjoy the ride! The highs are great, and if you fall off, it's not that bad. Good luck RD!


----------



## moxy

FIP -- I agree. I never thought money mattered, but I'm starting to feel a little less than excited by men who are not somewhat established on their life paths. It makes dating more reasonable when both partners are on the same track, I guess. 

AP -- I hope it's been a good kind of busy! Glad to hear from you. Do you and your gf have big holiday plans?

RD -- stop resisting it. Just go along with it and see how it goes. Even if you both develop feelings, you don't have to make a commitment. Just enjoy it.

Brave -- Good luck with the new job!!


----------



## RandomDude

Well, looks like FWB may soon be promoted to girlfriend status...

I don't know whether to be happy or terrified, and I guess we've already gone past FWBs, we've gotten too close, shared too much, interwined our lives with each other's, and our sex life has become alot more passionate than should be allowed within the context of a FWB relationship... BAH! Not to mention her legs are absolutely divine.

I went for counselling this morning for help with my "gold-digger paranoia" too. Especially when my income is more than five times hers, which is abit troubling. At least the good thing about what I have with FWB is that, we can take it at our own pace, we're enjoying each other's company with no expectations or pressure. Well, we'll see how it goes...

So much for "FK RELATIONSHIPS, FWBS FOR THE WIN!" -.-


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> FIP -- I agree. I never thought money mattered, but I'm starting to feel a little less than excited by men who are not somewhat established on their life paths. It makes dating more reasonable when both partners are on the same track, I guess.


When I was younger (in college) I didn't care whether or not the boy I dated had money. Most of the time, if he had money, it wasn't actually his, it was his parents, and he spent it willy-nilly, and I knew that kind of boy had the likelihood of being irresponsible with money in the future; a boy without a lot of money to spend was more my speed, because we probably came from similar financial backgrounds and would have more similar views of money.

But now, at 35 years old, if I meet a man around my age--or older--and his finances are a mess, that's a big red flag to me. It usually indicates short-sightedness and an irresponsible nature, and those are two things that I do NOT want in my future. My XH was incredibly irresponsibly with money, and so everything fell on my shoulders in terms of managing our finances... and then, without talking to me about it, he would go and blow $900 on a flat-screen TV that we didn't need. My father's greatest fear--spoken AFTER the divorce was in the works--was that if my XH and I had stayed together, that XH would have ruined me financially.

I'm not putting myself in that situation again, and that's why a man's financial stability is important to me. Not because I'm a gold digger or need a man to support me--I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself--but because I want a man whose financial acumen is compatible with mine. And there is nothing wrong with that.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well, looks like FWB may soon be promoted to girlfriend status...
> 
> I don't know whether to be happy or terrified, and I guess we've already gone past FWBs, we've gotten too close, shared too much, interwined our lives with each other's, and our sex life has become alot more passionate than should be allowed within the context of a FWB relationship... BAH! Not to mention her legs are absolutely divine.
> 
> I went for counselling this morning for help with my "gold-digger paranoia" too. Especially when my income is more than five times hers, which is abit troubling. At least the good thing about what I have with FWB is that, we can take it at our own pace, we're enjoying each other's company with no expectations or pressure. Well, we'll see how it goes...
> 
> So much for "FK RELATIONSHIPS, FWBS FOR THE WIN!" -.-


Yay, RD, I'm happy for you 

Just keep an open mind in your counseling sessions!


----------



## RandomDude

I am trying, but it will take time. It may not even be fixed, hence FWB/potential GF and I may end up badly.

I did mention that financial stability is the foremost important quality she looks for in terms of relationships, yet despite this, she is still financially independent and unlike some other dates she gives and takes.

In the end my brain is bleh now hence I went for counselling.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I am trying, but it will take time. It may not even be fixed, hence FWB/potential GF and I may end up badly.
> 
> *I did mention that financial stability is the foremost important quality she looks for in terms of relationships, yet despite this, she is still financially independent and unlike some other dates she gives and takes.*
> 
> In the end my brain is bleh now hence I went for counselling.


This is GOOD, RD. This is really good.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> This is GOOD, RD. This is really good.


I know, hence why my fortress isn't as guarded with her as it was before. Guess this is how you break down the walls of Jericho.


----------



## ne9907

Very Happy for you RD!


----------



## RandomDude

This is so unlike me isnt it? 

Nonetheless, thank you all


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> This is so unlike me isnt it?
> 
> Nonetheless, thank you all


Just remember that love seldom happens at first sight, it simply creeps up on you


----------



## ne9907

I found it!!!

For you RD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frNpdG4F9mw

This guy is pretty good


----------



## RandomDude

Guess it's something like this no?










It pops up... BOINK... pops up somewhere else... BOINK... but one can only keep this up for so long. Especially when you start questioning why you are boinking in the first place. Fking emotions -.-

We should never have traveled together, THE FK WAS I THINKING?! As for love... oh come on, we're not there yet lol


----------



## firebelly1

EMS guy and I spent another weekend mostly in our hotel room but I took him to my company Christmas party and got a bit of a buzz about it - i.e. girls from the office asking who this guy was since I hadn't mentioned I was dating anyone. While I was having photos taken with coworkers he introduced himself to our Fire Chief as "Firebelly's Significant Other" which, strangely, did not bother me. Mostly because the Fire Chief's response was "Oh - how's that?" and EMS guy says "Good!"

We both got pretty shnockered last night and he got very mushy, telling me how lucky he feels to have met me and so enjoys his time with me. He got a little apologetic about it this morning but then basically repeated what he'd said last night but in a less mushy tone of voice.  And he teased me that at one point at my drunkest I hugged him and said "You're SO nice." 

AND...this may be TMI...but he got me to squirt this weekend. I'm pretty happy about that as it's a thing I've been trying to figure out for a while. Not sure, but the g-spot vibrator he got me for Christmas may have helped.


----------



## TooNice

Hey all.
Haven't been around much as of late, but just spent some time catching up. And I am grateful as always for the insight you all provide.

I've still been dating some. The combined emotions from both the holidays and finally moving ahead with some legal things have really made me examine what I want out of dating sites. I'm not looking for sex. While I had a little fun figuring that out , I was left feeling a way that made it clear I'm not ready. I had a really nice first date last night with a man who was a total gentleman the whole night. I loved being treated like that!

I'm grateful that my online experiences so far have been mostly positive. I have a lot to figure out yet, but I'm gaining confidence as I go. And reading what you all share has been such a help toward that. 

Hope you have had a great weekend!


----------



## RandomDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWRcqF4FNqg































Why do I feel so happy FWB is coming over tonight :scratchhead:
Missed her over the weekend, oh well, might take her out this Friday


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWRcqF4FNqg
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why do I feel so happy FWB is coming over tonight :scratchhead:
> Missed her over the weekend, oh well, might take her out this Friday


Oh, you are too adorable... I like this RD much better than cranky, all-women-are-golddiggers-and-I'll-never-get-into-a-relationship-again RD.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, you are too adorable... I like this RD much better than cranky, all-women-are-golddiggers-and-I'll-never-get-into-a-relationship-again RD.


Ssshhhh....You'll spook him! LOL!


----------



## RandomDude

Oh hey careful now lol, big bad RD is still around the corner 

I don't think I deserve the credit too soon


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Oh hey careful now lol, big bad RD is still around the corner
> 
> I don't think I deserve the credit too soon


Umm, did you see your post? With all the HUGE SMILEY FACES?

And you know I'm just teasing you... after all the sh!t you've given the rest of us! Ha ha


----------



## RandomDude

Haha, well, I am happy 

You know what's the funny thing though, with all my paranoia about gold-diggers and such, yet FWB came into my life at exactly the right time to show me that I've been wrong about the whole thing. Through her I'm coming to understand women alot more, even though I still have to work through my own bitterness.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Haha, well, I am happy
> 
> You know what's the funny thing though, with all my paranoia about gold-diggers and such, yet FWB came into my life at exactly the right time to show me that I've been wrong about the whole thing. Through her I'm coming to understand women alot more, even though I still have to work through my own bitterness.


I think I probably speak for all the ladies on the thread when I say that I'm happy for you


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Haha, well, I am happy
> 
> You know what's the funny thing though, with all my paranoia about gold-diggers and such, yet FWB came into my life at exactly the right time to show me that I've been wrong about the whole thing. Through her I'm coming to understand women alot more, even though I still have to work through my own bitterness.


One day I hope to be where you're at - open to new experiences, learning from the other person, and yet still taking personal responsibility for handling my own issues. 

So many people expect a new relationship to "fix them" when really it's supposed to open our eyes to the tools we have to fix ourselves.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> One day I hope to be where you're at - open to new experiences, learning from the other person, and yet still taking personal responsibility for handling my own issues.
> 
> *So many people expect a new relationship to "fix them" when really it's supposed to open our eyes to the tools we have to fix ourselves.*


Hear, hear! I don't want to fix anybody else. I've got enough on my plate trying to fix myself!

Maybe I should make that my signature :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Evening is ruined, had to contact everyone, thankfully everyone I know is safe:

Sydney siege live: Police negotiate with gunman after five people emerge from Lindt cafe in Martin Place - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

FWB mentioned that one of her friends actually applied for a job in that same cafe too. Really dodged a bullet! Sheez


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Evening is ruined, had to contact everyone, thankfully everyone I know is safe:
> 
> Sydney siege live: Police negotiate with gunman after five people emerge from Lindt cafe in Martin Place - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)
> 
> FWB mentioned that one of her friends actually applied for a job in that same cafe too. Really dodged a bullet! Sheez


I'm glad to hear that it's over now... I will never understand the mentality that think it's OK to do something like this...

RD, I'm glad your people are OK/safe.


----------



## Jellybeans

Was just reading about that on the news, RD. Sad news.


----------



## RandomDude

Two dead... seems like it's one messed up individual unconnected to ISIS or the like, shame though, cause I know this is just going to spark intolerance. But no matter, it's over now. 

What's rather disconcerting about the deaths is that this could have happened to anyone, like FWB's friend who could have been there if she got the job. Honestly I think our government should start deporting such trash, the gunman already had a history and was a ticking bomb.


----------



## moxy

RD-- it isn't possible to know what atrocity someone is capable of until the person has committed it. So, I don't see how he could have been deported before the event. I do think it's a shame that something so terrible happened. And, I'm sorry that you're shaken up about it. Maybe it will help you feel better to spend some time with those you care about, just to remind yourself that they are well and that they are safe.
----

I'm at work this week. Lots to do. Translator has been distant since the phone call, but did say (over text) that he hoped we'd get together soon. I don't want to chase, but I want him to know I still wanna, so I hope he will text me again or call. 

I had a long text convo with an old friend today. This friend is the only one who might have been a temptation for me during my marriage. You know those people that you know you'd never really be able to resist If the opportunity came up? Well, we hung out twice when I was dating ex-h, before we married, and both times I had been tempted; so, I didn't talk to him while I was married. I missed my friend (Scientist) this week and asked him how he was; funny how even texting can remind you why you have the hots for someone. All these years later and he still makes me...wish we lived on the same continent, or had some time to travel. Anyway.

But, back to work for now.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> RD-- it isn't possible to know what atrocity someone is capable of until the person has committed it. So, I don't see how he could have been deported before the event. I do think it's a shame that something so terrible happened. And, I'm sorry that you're shaken up about it. Maybe it will help you feel better to spend some time with those you care about, just to remind yourself that they are well and that they are safe.


The man was out on bail for murder (the fk?!), as well as 40 sexual assault charges including having pleaded guilty for spending inflammatory letters to the families of soldiers lost in Afghanistan and Iraq. His political views was already known to the police as well - hence ticking time bomb. If not deported - they should at least keep lunatics like him in jail not out on bail! Bah!

But anyways, it's over now. In other news... business is shockingly slow this Christmas compared to last year. Hopefully it'll build up.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> The man was out on bail for murder (the fk?!), as well as 40 sexual assault charges including having pleaded guilty for spending inflammatory letters to the families of soldiers lost in Afghanistan and Iraq. His political views was already known to the police as well - hence ticking time bomb. If not deported - they should at least keep lunatics like him in jail not out on bail! Bah!
> 
> But anyways, it's over now. In other news... business is shockingly slow this Christmas compared to last year. Hopefully it'll build up.



Holy hell! Okay, those are some pretty big warning signs that this guy was a dangerous looney. Sorry. I spoke before I knew the details. In this instance, I suppose the person's likelihood to commit atrocity was incredibly apparent.


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, the judicial system messed up big time. I hope they have learnt their lesson. Speaking of which, all the more reason for my ex to encourage my daughter to take up martial training at an early age. 

Sure it wouldn't be helpful in such a situation involving guns and hostages but this guy wasn't just a murderer (btw his late wife was stabbed 18 times and set on fire) he's a fking rapist and he was out on bail!!! Aside from the sydney siege he posed as a "spiritual leader" and sexually assaulted women in his care with over 40 fking charges. This city simply isn't safe.

Well, at least I have grounds now to hammer some sense into my ex. Going to bring it up again next weekend.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, OKC Guy and I finally met up... this morning... at my place... for "breakfast." We were both getting frustrated with our lunch plans continually running afoul for the last two weeks. And then we did the morning commute together, which was... nice. 

Yeah... I'm a slvt :rofl:

Funny enough, it looks like we might be able to get together for lunch today, though he has some fires to put out at work... so maybe not.

He's a good guy, so we'll see how this goes... I'm not head over heels for him at this point, but I think he might grow on me.

But... not to be superficial, but I'm not really digging the way that he smells. I'm not sure if this is something I can ignore, or will get used to, or what... smell is a huge factor for me in terms of attraction.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> So, OKC Guy and I finally met up... this morning... at my place... for "breakfast." We were both getting frustrated with our lunch plans continually running afoul for the last two weeks. And then we did the morning commute together, which was... nice.
> 
> Yeah... I'm a slvt :rofl:
> 
> But... not to be superficial, but I'm not really digging the way that he smells. I'm not sure if this is something I can ignore, or will get used to, or what... smell if a huge factor for me in terms of attraction.


Ick!

You are a brave woman for having a guy you've never met come over to your house at the first meet.  I could never do that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> So, OKC Guy and I finally met up... this morning... at my place... for "breakfast." We were both getting frustrated with our lunch plans continually running afoul for the last two weeks. And then we did the morning commute together, which was... nice.
> 
> Yeah... I'm a slvt :rofl:
> 
> Funny enough, it looks like we might be able to get together for lunch today, though he has some fires to put out at work... so maybe not.
> 
> He's a good guy, so we'll see how this goes... I'm not head over heels for him at this point, but I think he might grow on me.
> 
> *But... not to be superficial, but I'm not really digging the way that he smells. I'm not sure if this is something I can ignore, or will get used to, or what... smell if a huge factor for me in terms of attraction.*


See, for ME, this would be a big ol' NOPE!! I cannot be with a man whose smell I dont like. Olfactory issues big time with me! I have tried dating someone in the past whose smell put me off, and no way could I make it work.


----------



## Jellybeans

Me, too, 3x. Smell can either be an aphrodisiac or a vagina-part killer! 

I am such a big fan of good hygiene.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> So, OKC Guy and I finally met up... this morning... at my place... for "breakfast." We were both getting frustrated with our lunch plans continually running afoul for the last two weeks. And then we did the morning commute together, which was... nice.
> 
> Yeah... I'm a slvt :rofl:
> 
> Funny enough, it looks like we might be able to get together for lunch today, though he has some fires to put out at work... so maybe not.
> 
> He's a good guy, so we'll see how this goes... I'm not head over heels for him at this point, but I think he might grow on me.
> 
> But... not to be superficial, but I'm not really digging the way that he smells. I'm not sure if this is something I can ignore, or will get used to, or what... smell if a huge factor for me in terms of attraction.


Like a BO problem? Does he smell like Campbell's beef vegetable soup?


----------



## bravenewworld

Healer said:


> Like a BO problem? Does he smell like Campbell's beef vegetable soup?


:rofl:

Once I dated a guy whose mouth had a weird taste. Partly I think from not flossing his back teeth well, and partly just his natural scent. Didn't work for me. Smell/taste is super important.


----------



## Healer

bravenewworld said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Once I dated a guy whose mouth had a weird taste. Partly I think from not flossing his back teeth well, and partly just his natural scent. Didn't work for me. Smell/taste is super important.


Ew. I'm super diligent about flossing those rear molars.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Ick!
> 
> You are a brave woman for having a guy you've never met come over to your house at the first meet.  I could never do that.


I know, it was completely crazy... we've been talking about it jokingly for the last week or so, after our first three attempts to meet got mangled. And then three plans last week went up in smoke, and then lunch yesterday... we were talking about lunch today, and I was looking at my schedule for the next week and his availability, and I was just like... _it's crazy, but let's do this. I never do this sort of thing, but we've been trying every other which way... this is the only time we know for sure that work, a sick kid, custody schedule or whatever isn't going to interfere. I'm not guaranteeing sex if you come over, I need to feel comfortable and safe, and know that if I decide I'm not into it or whatever, that you'll go without argument._ He readily agreed to my conditions.

And it's crazy, but it's not nearly as crazy as going home with a ONS. I've gotten to know him well enough that I knew I would feel comfortable and safe. I knew the risk was minimal.



Jellybeans said:


> Me, too, 3x. Smell can either be an aphrodisiac of a vagina-part killer!
> 
> I am such a big fan of good hygiene.


That's the thing... it's not hygiene. He is clearly a big fan of good hygiene. He's very clean.



Healer said:


> Like a BO problem? Does he smell like Campbell's beef vegetable soup?


No, it's not a BO problem, and no, he doesn't smell like soup! I think it might be the type of soap that he uses? Or maybe his diet, I've heard that effects scent... he eats much healthier than I do, and he's started running again recently, so maybe he's taking some supplements that affect it? I don't know.

And overall, it's not overwhelmingly awful... it isn't like, Eeww, you stink! (like my cat sometimes smells really bad, it's not his fault, he's old and can't clean himself well) It's more like, there is something about your scent that slightly disagrees with me. Can you try a different soap?

I'm willing to give it a go, and see... after all, he was completely unfazed by the fact that I smoke (I know, bad FiP, you shouldn't do that!). When I mentioned it, he was just like, yes, I thought maybe, since I did catch a faint whiff of tobacco from your coat. And that was that. 

If he was judgey about my smoking, I probably would have been like, _well, you smell funny._ And that would have been the end of OKC Guy and FiP.

But it will need to be addressed, because once I quit smoking, my sense of smell will be even keener (and it's already quite strong).


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> That's the thing... it's not hygiene. He is clearly a big fan of good hygiene. He's very clean.
> 
> No, it's not a BO problem, and no, he doesn't smell like soup! I think it might be the type of soap that he uses? Or maybe his diet, I've heard that effects scent... he eats much healthier than I do, and he's started running again recently, so maybe he's taking some supplements that affect it? I don't know.
> 
> And overall, it's not overwhelmingly awful... it isn't like, Eeww, you stink! (like my cat sometimes smells really bad, it's not his fault, he's old and can't clean himself well) It's more like, there is something about your scent that slightly disagrees with me. Can you try a different soap?
> 
> But it will need to be addressed, because once I quit smoking, my sense of smell will be even keener (and it's already quite strong).


I totally understand what it is, FIP...it isnt about BO or hygiene, its all about the pheromones, I guess. We ARE animals after all, and scent plays a part in the whole mate selection process! I get off on a manly smell, no cologne needed.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I totally understand what it is, FIP...it isnt about BO or hygiene, its all about the pheromones, I guess. We ARE animals after all, and scent plays a part in the whole mate selection process! I get off on a manly smell, no cologne needed.




I know it plays a huge role... I want it not to. Because I like him, and he is really into me.

If his pheromones are turning me off, then it may be the same for him... though I read in an article that it's much easier to trick a man's sense of smell with perfumes/soap/cologne, than it is to trick a woman's sense of smell.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I know it plays a huge role... I want it not to. Because I like him, and he is really into me.
> 
> If his pheromones are turning me off, then it may be the same for him... though I read in an article that it's much easier to trick a man's sense of smell with perfumes/soap/cologne, than it is to trick a woman's sense of smell.


From my experience, women have a _much_ more keen sense of smell than us guys. I can smell shampoo, body wash, perfume...but other than those external things women put on, unless they have strong BO, I don't notice anything.


----------



## moxy

I have a terrible sense of smell. Only sometimes do I even notice my olfactory impressions, and usually, from me, it's either extreme attraction or extreme revulsion in response to those impressions.

Trust your instincts FIP. Glad you two had a date!


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Once I dated a guy whose mouth had a weird taste. Partly I think from not flossing his back teeth well, and partly just his natural scent. Didn't work for me. Smell/taste is super important.


Haha. This reminds me of a guy I once dated who had the WORST breath ever.  I''m not sure it was halitosis or his diet but, yuck, I used to wince when he'd put is face next to me. We never got serious.



Healer said:


> Ew. I'm super diligent about flossing those rear molars.


Teeth are very important. Good on ya!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I have a terrible sense of smell. Only sometimes do I even notice my olfactory impressions, and usually, from me, it's either extreme attraction or extreme revulsion in response to those impressions.
> 
> Trust your instincts FIP. Glad you two had a date!


I've always been this way. My sister is always worried that her house smells like dog, so she always asks me when I visit, because she know I can smell what other people can't (that, and I won't lie to her about it). My XH used to tease me that I spent more time smelling my food than I did eating it, but he was also amazed that I could often identify components by smell (he couldn't, and he was a chef).

I'm not going to let this rule him out immediately, I'll see him again and see what happens/how I feel.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> *I've always been this way. My sister is always worried that her house smells like dog, so she always asks me when I visit, because she know I can smell what other people can't *(that, and I won't lie to her about it). My XH used to tease me that I spent more time smelling my food than I did eating it, but he was also amazed that I could often identify components by smell (he couldn't, and he was a chef).
> 
> I'm not going to let this rule him out immediately, I'll see him again and see what happens/how I feel.


Haha, this is me too! One of my friends sometimes refers to me as "bloodhound" LOL!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, this is me too! One of my friends sometimes refers to me as "bloodhound" LOL!


3x, I feel like you and me would be total BFFs in real life


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> I totally understand what it is, FIP...it isnt about BO or hygiene, its all about the pheromones, I guess. We ARE animals after all, and scent plays a part in the whole mate selection process! I get off on a manly smell, no cologne needed.


Really? It could be whatever they are using, like, I have a similar problem when dating a certain ethnicity due to the essence used.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Really? It could be whatever they are using, like, I have a similar problem when dating a certain ethnicity due to the essence used.


No, I can tell when it is a product of some type that is being used. What I am referring to is the natural scent that comes through the skin, in the hair, etc... natural essence.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> 3x, I feel like you and me would be total BFFs in real life


I have to agree!


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> No, I can tell when it is a product of some type that is being used. What I am referring to is the natural scent that comes through the skin, in the hair, etc... natural essence.


There's such a thing? =/

Must be a woman thing


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> Really? It could be whatever they are using, like, I have a similar problem when dating a certain ethnicity due to the essence used.
> 
> 
> 
> No, I can tell when it is a product of some type that is being used. What I am referring to is the natural scent that comes through the skin, in the hair, etc... natural essence.
Click to expand...

I am not sure which it is... I may have to ask him what type of soap he uses. Usually, I can tell by smelling someone, and I can't. So either he uses a fragrance-free soap, and this is his "essence" (as 3x says), or it's the smell of his soap. I hope it's the smell of his soap. He'll switch soaps if I ask him to; heck, he'll let me pick out whatever soap I want.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I have to agree!


If you ever find yourself on the east coast, let me know!


----------



## RandomDude

*sniffle sniffle*


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> He'll switch soaps if I ask him to; heck, he'll let me pick out whatever soap I want.


 Sounds beta. ;-)


----------



## RandomDude

Not so sure if it's beta to allow a woman to suggest soaps, as I've never really had a sharp sense of smell myself.


----------



## FeministInPink

I don't think it's beta... if the smell really turns me off, it's beneficial to both of us if he switches soap to something I find more pleasing. Most guys I've known don't have a strong preference over soap.

I'm a very strong-willed person, but if I was seeing somebody and he was strongly averse to a perfume that I wore, I would be willing to wear a different fragrance. OK, maybe not let him choose something else willy-nilly, but I would take his preference into consideration.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, honestly though if I had known my smell put off a woman I would moved on as I'll feel like I failed the first impression.

Nice to get a sniffle test pre-date by a friend, but not very nice to hear from one that you are actively pursuing lol


----------



## TooNice

A man's scent is sooooo important. Nothing like burying your face in his neck and breathing him in. 

Yeah, it's pretty important to dig the way he smells.


----------



## vi_bride04

I finally came up a question to screen guys when I'm ready to date again.

Do you own any camping/hiking/backpacking gear?

I'm too much of a tomboy for the city boys it seems.


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm too much of a tomboy for the city boys it seems.


I have the opposite problem-I'll send some your way, if you send some over here!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> A man's scent is sooooo important. Nothing like burying your face in his neck and breathing him in.
> 
> Yeah, it's pretty important to dig the way he smells.


Hell, I smell armpits!  :rofl:


----------



## moxy

When a guy has his arm around you in bed, you do end up close to his armpits, I suppose. If you don't like the guy's smell, that could be a problem.


----------



## Jellybeans

TooNice said:


> A man's scent is sooooo important. *Nothing like burying your face in his neck and breathing him in.*
> 
> Yeah, it's pretty important to dig the way he smells.


Oooh yeah. It's super sexy. 

Bow-chicka-bow-wow! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

3Xnocharm said:


> Hell, I smell armpits!  :rofl:


LOL I think there is an armpit smelling thread somewhere on this site, that went for quite a while...hahaha


----------



## Jellybeans

Hiii, Unsure.


----------



## Lifescript

Hi guys, 

Finally have a question to post here. Some of you know my story but basically I was cheated on, separated (1 year+), going through divorce and have been socializing more and meeting new people/girls. 

Question for the ladies ... would you talk about or mention an ex or another guy you have been with or are interested in when out with a guy you like for drinks?

Went out for drinks with a coworker of mine who I've liked for some time but she was in a relationship and recently broke up with the bf. We kissed and things were going well. But she started talking about her ex and some other guy she met while traveling prior to meeting her bf. This threw me off a bit. 

I see it as a sign of disinterest but maybe I'm wrong. She talks to me about stuff women talk to with women. I've stopped responding to those kind of texts. Maybe I'm in the friend zone but she didn't pull back when I went in for the kiss.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies ... would you talk about or mention an ex or another guy you have been with or are interested in when out with a guy you like for drinks?
> 
> Went out for drinks with a coworker of mine who I've liked for some time but she was in a relationship and recently broke up with the bf. We kissed and things were going well. But she started talking about her ex and some other guy she met while traveling prior to meeting her bf. This threw me off a bit.


This would turn me off. If I'm on a date with someone, I don't want to hear about their ex who they broke up with and another chick he met while on vacation. 

With that said - it depends on context., If we're sharing stories about "when was the last time you were with someone..." then I may say, Oh I was with ex for X amount of time." But no sordid details. That's too early. And I feel it's rude to the person you are with.

I don't want to hear abut other women in detail. It makes me think they're not over the ex . I went out with a guy who kept mentioning his ex, a lot and I called him on it. He claimed she was "crazy" (yes, I know what you are all thinking because I was too) and I just felt like no matter how much he claimed he was glad it was over, he still wasn't over it yet.


You said she is 1. a co-worker (this is a HELL NO for me) and 2. recently broken up (you are probably a rebound).


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> This would turn me off. If I'm on a date with someone, I don't want to hear about their ex who they broke up with and another chick he met while on vacation.
> 
> With that said - it depends on context., If we're sharing stories about "when was the last time you were with someone..." then I may say, Oh I was with ex for X amount of time." But no sordid details. That's too early. And I feel it's rude to the person you are with.
> 
> I don't want to hear abut other women in detail. It makes me think they're not over the ex . I went out with a guy who kept mentioning his ex, a lot and I called him on it. He claimed she was "crazy" (yes, I know what you are all thinking because I was too) and I just felt like no matter how much he claimed he was glad it was over, he still wasn't over it yet.
> 
> 
> You said she is 1. a co-worker (this is a HELL NO for me) and 2. recently broken up (you are probably a rebound).


Agreeing with JB, context is everything. If you're eating pasta and she casually remarks she loves Italy ever since she went on a trip 5 years ago with her ex, ok. 

But someone going into great detail about their ex and/or bringing them up frequently is a definite red flag. And her bringing up the hookup is beyond weird and TMI. I'm willing to give leeway for people who were in LTR's because a few of their memories are probably tied to that person. But I have no need to hear about their booty call in Aruba. Reeks of immaturity, insecurity, and living in the past. 

I think it's ok to tell someone "I like spending time with you, but you seem to be living in the past a bit and I'm looking towards the future. What do you think about giving each other some space?" 

Gives her a chance to shape up or ship out. Life is too short to deal with other people's unresolved baggage. I know everyone has it - but I won't date someone who isn't actively working on fixing it.


----------



## Lifescript

Jellybeans said:


> This would turn me off. If I'm on a date with someone, I don't want to hear about their ex who they broke up with and another chick he met while on vacation.
> 
> With that said - it depends on context., If we're sharing stories about "when was the last time you were with someone..." then I may say, Oh I was with ex for X amount of time." But no sordid details. That's too early. And I feel it's rude to the person you are with.
> 
> I don't want to hear abut other women in detail. It makes me think they're not over the ex . I went out with a guy who kept mentioning his ex, a lot and I called him on it. He claimed she was "crazy" (yes, I know what you are all thinking because I was too) and I just felt like no matter how much he claimed he was glad it was over, he still wasn't over it yet.
> 
> 
> You said she is 1. a co-worker (this is a HELL NO for me) and 2. recently broken up (you are probably a rebound).


So basically she texted me and said she had a horrible day and invited me out to drinks. We have been talking as friends for some time. She was in a relationship. She mentioned during our outing that she thinks another coworker likes me based on the way she looks at me. This other girl is married and she does like me she has told me that (unbelievable!). I would never even talk to a married woman. So I nixed it right then.

Then I asked why she had a bad day and she said her bf had been texting mean things to her. I didn't want to get into details about all that. She said she wish her bf was nice like me (blah blah blah). She may be developing an emotional connection with me. Not sure. Anyways I felt it was right and went for the kiss at the end of the night. She seemed to like it a lot. 

A few days later she texted saying she thinks we should keep things as friends and work related because we work together and she doesn't want to upset my gf (she's referring to the married girl that likes me). I said ok. If that's what you want no problem. 

Then today she texts inviting me to dinner tomorrow. My thing is if it's not going to be anything more than friends I'm not interested in going out with her. I like her and don't want to get hurt or be a rebound.

She's giving me mixed signals.


----------



## Lifescript

Bravenewworld,

She mentioned the other guy she met while doing an internship abroad. It wasn't just a one night thing but someone she fell in love with. This came about after she started asking me why I'm divorcing my ex and why it didn't work. She asked if there was anyone from my past who I still think about. I said no. I leave the past in the past and she brought up this guy.

Fvck! I'm in the friend zone. But why invite me for dinner. Don't make sense.


----------



## bravenewworld

Lifescript said:


> Bravenewworld,
> 
> She mentioned the other guy she met while doing an internship abroad. It wasn't just a one night thing but someone she fell in love with. This came about after she started asking me why I'm divorcing my ex and why it didn't work. She asked if there was anyone from my past who I still think about. I said no. I leave the past in the past and she brought up this guy.
> 
> Fvck! I'm in the friend zone. But why invite me for dinner. Don't make sense.


Because cats like to play with mice.

Also, and forgive the cynicism, but she asked that question because she wanted to tell you that someone else (and for all intents and purposes, a fantasy someone else) will always have her heart.

This woman sounds toxic. As the saying goes....plenty of fish in the sea......


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Lifescript said:
> 
> 
> 
> Bravenewworld,
> 
> She mentioned the other guy she met while doing an internship abroad. It wasn't just a one night thing but someone she fell in love with. This came about after she started asking me why I'm divorcing my ex and why it didn't work. She asked if there was anyone from my past who I still think about. I said no. I leave the past in the past and she brought up this guy.
> 
> Fvck! I'm in the friend zone. But why invite me for dinner. Don't make sense.
> 
> 
> 
> Because cats like to play with mice.
> 
> Also, and forgive the cynicism, but she asked that question because she wanted to tell you that someone else (and for all intents and purposes, a fantasy someone else) will always have her heart.
> 
> This woman sounds toxic. As the saying goes....plenty of fish in the sea......
Click to expand...

I agree with bravenewworld... this doesn't sound like a good thing to me. She has a boyfriend who's mean to her (red flag: puts up with a guy who treats her poorly), let you kiss her (red flag: messes around/poor sense of boundaries), says she wants to be friends but invites you out to dinner (red flag: mixed messages).

My first thought when I look at this situation: she sees you as an all-too-willing participant in what is probably some dysfunctional scheme to get back at her mean boyfriend.

Stay away. Bad news is written all over this one.


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks girls. You guys are probably right. Too many red flags. She's as beautiful as they come but crazy it seems. I always end up with these kind of girls. 

I'll put distance between us.


----------



## moxy

If she kissed you back, I doubt you're in the friend zone. She may just be open about her life. She may not be good with emotional boundaries. Or, she may just want to get to know you (and you, her) with full disclosure. With Guy, with Translator, with Powerlifter (all of these are people that I have been somewhat involved with; the first for 8 months, and the latter two in a talking/first date stage) and with Scientist (I've been crushing on him for eleven years), I've talked about exes and so have they. I'm a very open person when it comes to potential romantic partners, so it made sense; evidently, it was so for them, too.

I wouldn't take it as a sign of disinterest, unless it continues or she doesn't realize that you like her. Ask her out again, Script!

Edit: I read more. She sounds confused about things...either she doesn't know what she wants it she's just playing with you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> So basically she texted me and said she had a horrible day and invited me out to drinks. We have been talking as friends for some time. She was in a relationship. She mentioned during our outing that she thinks another coworker likes me based on the way she looks at me. This other girl is married and she does like me she has told me that (unbelievable!). I would never even talk to a married woman. So I nixed it right then.
> 
> *Then I asked why she had a bad day and she said her bf had been texting mean things to her. I didn't want to get into details about all that. She said she wish her bf was nice like me* (blah blah blah). She may be developing an emotional connection with me. Not sure. *Anyways I felt it was right and went for the kiss at the end of the night.* She seemed to like it a lot.
> 
> A few days later she texted saying she thinks we should keep things as friends and work related because we work together and she doesn't want to upset my gf (she's referring to the married girl that likes me). I said ok. If that's what you want no problem.
> 
> Then today she texts inviting me to dinner tomorrow. My thing is if it's not going to be anything more than friends I'm not interested in going out with her. I like her and don't want to get hurt or be a rebound.
> 
> She's giving me mixed signals.


I'm curious as to why you're focusing on her when you should be focusing on your own actions.

By actions, I mean kissing a woman who has a boyfriend. That right there is a red flag on yourself, before you even begin to 'examine' her own personal red flags.

A co-worker who's having relationship problems, one that's apparently been a friend for a while and I'm going to guess knows that you were cheated on or at least should have gotten the hint.

You couldn't possibly be friend zoned Script, seeing how you have no business being in a situation like this to begin with.

Accountability starts with you, not others.

Welcome to the Singles Thread.


----------



## Lifescript

moxy said:


> If she kissed you back, I doubt you're in the friend zone. She may just be open about her life. She may not be good with emotional boundaries. Or, she may just want to get to know you (and you, her) with full disclosure. With Guy, with Translator, with Powerlifter (all of these are people that I have been somewhat involved with; the first for 8 months, and the latter two in a talking/first date stage) and with Scientist (I've been crushing on him for eleven years), I've talked about exes and so have they. I'm a very open person when it comes to potential romantic partners, so it made sense; evidently, it was so for them, too.
> 
> I wouldn't take it as a sign of disinterest, unless it continues or she doesn't realize that you like her. Ask her out again, Script!
> 
> Edit: I read more. She sounds confused about things...either she doesn't know what she wants it she's just playing with you.


Moxy, 

My conclusion is that she's confused, recently broke up with the bf, feels alone and saw in me someone she could escape to in a moment of grief. It's not a good thing. Her emotions are all over the place. I listened to her worries not only about her ex but her life in general. The emotional connection is there. 

She's told me some weird things and I guess is because she sees me as available and knows I like her. 

After we kissed she said "you finally got what you've been waiting for all this time, huh?" I just put one finger over her lips and we kissed again. 

Later she told me I shouldn't fall in love with her. I played it off and told her she's the one who's falling and fast. 

She may have been warning me. 

When she said we should keep things as friends and work related only I thought ok no problem we just go back to friendly chats here and there but then she invites me dinner. She clearly is not sure of what she wants.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> I'm curious as to why you're focusing on her when you should be focusing on your own actions.
> 
> By actions, I mean kissing a woman who has a boyfriend. That right there is a red flag on yourself, before you even begin to 'examine' her own personal red flags.
> 
> A co-worker who's having relationship problems, one that's apparently been a friend for a while and I'm going to guess knows that you were cheated on or at least should have gotten the hint.
> 
> You couldn't possibly be friend zoned Script, seeing how you have no business being in a situation like this to begin with.
> 
> Accountability starts with you, not others.
> 
> Welcome to the Singles Thread.


I want to clarify ... to my knowledge she had broken up with the bf when I kissed her. I wouldn't have had she not told me her and the bf are done. We went out before for lunch and I didn't make a move because I knew she was taken then. 

I never told her I was cheated on. I have a hard time telling people my business. I just told her things didn't work out and we grew apart.


----------



## RandomDude

I would give her some space if she had just broken up, but that's just me.


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> I would give her some space if she had just broken up, but that's just me.


Yup. That's what I'll do RD. It's the best thing to do right now.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> She was in a relationship. She mentioned during our outing that she thinks another coworker likes me based on the way she looks at me. This other girl is married and she does like me she has told me that (unbelievable!). I would never even talk to a married woman. So I nixed it right then.
> 
> Then I asked why she had a bad day and s*he said her bf had been texting mean things to her*. I didn't want to get into details about all that. *She said she wish her bf was nice like me *(blah blah blah). She may be developing an emotional connection with me. Not sure. Anyways* I felt it was right and went for the kiss at the end of the night*. She seemed to like it a lot.
> 
> *A few days later she texted saying she thinks we should keep things as friends and work related because we work together and she doesn't want to upset my gf* (she's referring to the married girl that likes me).
> 
> *Then today she texts inviting me to dinner tomorrow.* My thing is if it's not going to be anything more than friends I'm not interested in going out with her. I like her and don't want to get hurt or be a* rebound.*
> 
> She's giving me mixed signals.


This is WAY too much drama. 
1. Person you work with, check
2. Person who has a boyfriend and invites you out for drinks, check
3. Person who kisses you while having a boyfriend, check
4. Immature jealousy bringing up someone else who may like you at work (a married person no less, check).
5. Tells you she just wants to be friends 
6. Then invites you out to dinner
7. Then tells you not to fall in love with her (she knows she i not the one for you, darling).

Axe this. It's too icky for me, personally. You would be the rebound no matter what. Do you really want drama at your workplace? She sounds really young/immature or just all over the place.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> Yup. That's what I'll do RD. It's the best thing to do right now.


Well, if you still wanna ram her though, can always go the FWB route


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



RandomDude said:


> Well, if you still wanna ram her though, can always go the FWB route


Script wouldn't be able to do that and not get attached. Bad idea.


----------



## Lifescript

Damn jellybeans .... thanks for painting that clear picture. 

RD, 

That's where it would end if the bf is truly out and we didn't work at same company. It's too complicated. 

Hi bride! 

By practicing is how you learn


----------



## 06Daddio08

At work relationships. Asking for trouble.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> Damn jellybeans .... thanks for painting that clear picture.
> 
> RD,
> 
> That's where it would end if the bf is truly out and we didn't work at same company. It's too complicated.


Just watching out for you. It just seems like a not-good situation to pursue. She has way too much going on. Plus, it's work.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> At work relationships. Asking for trouble.


True. I'm nixing it.


----------



## Lifescript

Jellybeans said:


> Just watching out for you. It just seems like a not-good situation to pursue. She has way too much going on. Plus, it's work.


You are right. Thanks. Logic says this is no good.


----------



## movealong

There is an old axiom that goes "don't poop where you eat or sleep". I think that applies to work, too. I am in healthcare, and there are a ton of good looking single nurses and ancillary staff, none of which I would date because I don't want my personal life interacting...or interfering...with my professional life. It usually ends up bad for work even if the relationship is good.


----------



## Jellybeans

"Don't sh*t where you eat."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Well guys...I am single again. And no I dont want to talk about it yet, just wanted to share.


----------



## Dollystanford

Script, don't talk about love on the first date! Good grief... and hi!


----------



## Lifescript

Dollystanford said:


> Script, don't talk about love on the first date! Good grief... and hi!


Hi Dolly! 

Yea, talking about love on 1st date is a big no-no. 

Getting a clearer picture now as I look back. She was feeling lonely after breaking up with the bf and hit me up for drinks. We are buddies and have kept it friendly for a while. But add a few drinks, comfort level and attraction and the kiss happened. 

She doesn't have many friends so she may want to keep me around as a friend to talk about stuff and confide in. I'm actually ok with that. I don't have any female friends. 

But yea ... it's not a good situation to pursue.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lifescript said:


> We are buddies and have kept it friendly for a while. But add a few drinks, comfort level and attraction and the kiss happened.


That's usually how things start. Try to stay away from social gatherings with her outside of work unless you want it to go further. Cuz it will eventually happen. Especially if there is sexual attraction. 

Trust me on this......


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> That's usually how things start. Try to stay away from social gatherings with her outside of work unless you want it to go further. Cuz it will eventually happen. Especially if there is sexual attraction.
> 
> Trust me on this......


Yep. A lunch thing during work hours is as far as I'd go especially if she is not completely broken up with the bf. Last thing I want is to become a posOM. That would be ironic. 

She's very attractive. Part of me feels I should be able to socialize with her and keep it friendly, be there for her as a friend but I'm kidding myself. I like her and not just for talking so I gotta pull the brakes.


----------



## Another Planet

Lifescript said:


> Hi Dolly!
> 
> Yea, talking about love on 1st date is a big no-no.
> 
> Getting a clearer picture now as I look back. She was feeling lonely after breaking up with the bf and hit me up for drinks. We are buddies and have kept it friendly for a while. But add a few drinks, comfort level and attraction and the kiss happened.
> 
> She doesn't have many friends so she may want to keep me around as a friend to talk about stuff and confide in. I'm actually ok with that. I don't have any female friends.
> 
> But yea ... it's not a good situation to pursue.


Hi Script! Welcome!

One of our mantras around here is if it's not a FVCK yes! Then it's a FVCK no! 
Meaning you sound wishy washy, so right off the bat it should be a no for you. To much you are not sure of. If she was actually in to you you would be absolutely sure...she would tell you one way or another, she would make sure you know she is into you. If you aren't picking up what she is laying down for you then you are not right for her, same goes for you if she is unaware of what you want then she is not right for you. It is that simple.

Also if you have to try hard for a relationship then it is not one you want to be in. You do not have to sacrifice to be with someone, sacrifice does not equal love...EVER! It should never be more work then it is worth even at the beginning.


----------



## moxy

Script, you can meet someone new, instead, right?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> One of our mantras around here is if it's not a FVCK yes! Then it's a FVCK no!


:smthumbup::smthumbup:

Nice to see you, AP. I was thinking about you the other day and hope you are doing well.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lifescript said:


> Yep. A lunch thing during work hours is as far as I'd go especially if she is not completely broken up with the bf. Last thing I want is to become a posOM. That would be ironic.
> 
> She's very attractive. Part of me feels I should be able to socialize with her and keep it friendly, be there for her as a friend but I'm kidding myself. I like her and not just for talking so I gotta pull the brakes.


You'll have a better chance being friends in the long run if you back off now and start building your boundaries. In the end it was only a kiss.

At least you didn't sleep with her. You're a bit like me in that area, no real going back after that. Lol.


----------



## Healer

I've been seeing a lot of Malta. She was sick the other night and still wanted me to come over - I didn't want to because I didn't want to get sick too, but I relented as I felt bad. She bought this little black lingerie thing she was wearing - sigh. I LOVE that stuff.

My son asked yesterday when they get to see her again.

On a negative note - she definitely has been dropping the kids hint. "When I get pregnant I wonder if my ass will get huge". Stuff like that - trying to get me to engage in convos about babies and such. I am definitely done having kids - and I think she knows this, but I haven't explicitly said so. This, of course, will be a deal breaker long-term. We've only been seeing each other since Nov 11. I'm just enjoying our time and having fun - and it seems she is too. But that talk will have to happen eventually. Next time she asks me, I'll have to say no, I don't want any more kids.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> Nice to see you, AP. I was thinking about you the other day and hope you are doing well.


Yeah, AP and Dolly both! And where is Arendt?? 

Healer, good luck with that conversation, that wont be an easy one to have.


----------



## Lifescript

Another Planet said:


> Hi Script! Welcome!
> 
> One of our mantras around here is if it's not a FVCK yes! Then it's a FVCK no!
> Meaning you sound wishy washy, so right off the bat it should be a no for you. To much you are not sure of. If she was actually in to you you would be absolutely sure...she would tell you one way or another, she would make sure you know she is into you. If you aren't picking up what she is laying down for you then you are not right for her, same goes for you if she is unaware of what you want then she is not right for you. It is that simple.
> 
> Also if you have to try hard for a relationship then it is not one you want to be in. You do not have to sacrifice to be with someone, sacrifice does not equal love...EVER! It should never be more work then it is worth even at the beginning.


Hi AP, 

Her actions say she likes me. That or she's so lonely that she keeps texting me and inviting me to things just for company. 

It's basically a situation where is the wrong place and time so I'll let it go. Your advice is spot on. Thanks.


----------



## Lifescript

moxy said:


> Script, you can meet someone new, instead, right?


It hasn't been easy moxy. I was talking to someone a month or so ago and she was scared by the fact I'm still not divorced. 

We went out a couple of times and things were going well but it fizzled out after that. 

Once the D is final I'll go all out and join dating sites and the whole nine ... I'm much better at being alone than I was before but I don't want to not have someone either.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> You'll have a better chance being friends in the long run if you back off now and start building your boundaries. In the end it was only a kiss.
> 
> At least you didn't sleep with her. You're a bit like me in that area, no real going back after that. Lol.


So .... since you mentioned sleeping together ... some more details ... that night we went out we ended up sleeping together in my place. She told me she didnt want to go back to her place. I took it as a hint that she wanted it to go down. She had too many drinks (3) and went completely out when we got there. So we fell asleep but had no sex. Didn't think that would happen. I tried of course but seeing she was too drunk I just went to sleep. Didn't seem right to do anything in her state. 

It messed me up too. That's something that I didn't think was possible. To sleep with someone and not have sex. My ex swears she never had sex with OM despite being at his place. Anyway that's a different thread but the whole thing is messed up. 

Maybe she's just using me to get the bf jealous. That would be so freakin twisted.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> So .... since you mentioned sleeping together ... some more details ... that night we went out we ended up sleeping together in my place. She told me she didnt want to go back to her place. I took it as a hint that she wanted it to go down. She had too many drinks (3) and went completely out when we got there. So we fell asleep but had no sex. Didn't think that would happen. I tried of course but seeing she was too drunk I just went to sleep. Didn't seem right to do anything in her state.
> 
> It messed me up too. That's something that I didn't think was possible. To sleep with someone and not have sex. My ex swears she never had sex with OM despite being at his place. Anyway that's a different thread but the whole thing is messed up.
> 
> Maybe she's just using me to get the bf jealous. That would be so freakin twisted.


Dude, she's playing you, hard. She's sounds hella toxic.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lifescript said:


> So .... since you mentioned sleeping together ... some more details ... that night we went out we ended up sleeping together in my place. She told me she didnt want to go back to her place. I took it as a hint that she wanted it to go down. She had too many drinks (3) and went completely out when we got there. So we fell asleep but had no sex. Didn't think that would happen. I tried of course but seeing she was too drunk I just went to sleep. Didn't seem right to do anything in her state.
> 
> It messed me up too. That's something that I didn't think was possible. To sleep with someone and not have sex. My ex swears she never had sex with OM despite being at his place. Anyway that's a different thread but the whole thing is messed up.
> 
> Maybe she's just using me to get the bf jealous. That would be so freakin twisted.


Well then. You put yourself in quite the situation didn't you?

I suggest ending it so you can get your mind organized.


----------



## Lifescript

Healer, 

What has happened points to her having some issues but you wouldn't know by looking at her. She looks very sane and normal. But yeah ... I think you are right sadly. 

Daddio, 

I did put myself in a situation. 

I'll end it and set boundaries.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Dude, she's playing you, hard. She's sounds hella toxic.


:iagree:



06Daddio08 said:


> Well then. You put yourself in quite the situation didn't you?
> 
> I suggest ending it so you can get your mind organized.


:iagree:

Lifescript, you aren't making the best choices right now. You might want to step back--not just from her, but from dating in general--and get your mind in order. 

There's a reason that a lot of women stay away from dating separated/not-yet-divorced men, and this is it... a lot of times, the men think they're ready, but they're still trying to work sh!t out, and the women don't want to deal with that.

(It's also a good reason for you to stay away from her, since it sounds like she has some unresolved emotional issues/attachments to her ex, if he is indeed her ex.)


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I've been seeing a lot of Malta. She was sick the other night and still wanted me to come over - I didn't want to because I didn't want to get sick too, but I relented as I felt bad. She bought this little black lingerie thing she was wearing - sigh. I LOVE that stuff.
> 
> My son asked yesterday when they get to see her again.
> 
> On a negative note - she definitely has been dropping the kids hint. "When I get pregnant I wonder if my ass will get huge". Stuff like that - trying to get me to engage in convos about babies and such. I am definitely done having kids - and I think she knows this, but I haven't explicitly said so. This, of course, will be a deal breaker long-term. We've only been seeing each other since Nov 11. I'm just enjoying our time and having fun - and it seems she is too. But that talk will have to happen eventually. Next time she asks me, I'll have to say no, I don't want any more kids.


Healer, you're gonna have to talk with her about it soon. If it's a dealbreaker for her, it's unfair to keep her in a relationship that ultimately won't give her what she wants. If it's a dealbreaker for her, you're wasting her time, and her time is very precious and limited; women have an expiration date on this sort of thing. It's also unfair to your kids, if they're starting to get attached to her.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Healer, you're gonna have to talk with her about it soon. If it's a dealbreaker for her, it's unfair to keep her in a relationship that ultimately won't give her what she wants. If it's a dealbreaker for her, you're wasting her time, and her time is very precious and limited; women have an expiration date on this sort of thing. It's also unfair to your kids, if they're starting to get attached to her.


How far into dating someone do you need to have this talk? She asked me once before if I want more kids. I said "hmmmm, I don't know". Which at the time, I didn't. Thinking on it more now, I know I don't. Do you think she's hoping I'll come to the "yes" conclusion? How do I broach that? Is she pinning her hopes on me??


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> *How far into dating someone do you need to have this talk?* She asked me once before if I want more kids. I said "hmmmm, I don't know". Which at the time, I didn't. Thinking on it more now, I know I don't. Do you think she's hoping I'll come to the "yes" conclusion? How do I broach that? Is she pinning her hopes on me??


This isnt really a general dating type question, because she is making it pretty clear that kids are in her plans...it is specific to your situation, and THE SOONER THE BETTER.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Healer said:


> How far into dating someone do you need to have this talk? She asked me once before if I want more kids. I said "hmmmm, I don't know". Which at the time, I didn't. Thinking on it more now, I know I don't. Do you think she's hoping I'll come to the "yes" conclusion? How do I broach that? Is she pinning her hopes on me??


She's passive aggressively trying to provoke the conversation with you and you're avoiding it.

If you're not wanting anymore kids (I'm in the same boat), say so. Let her know that it's not going to change and she will need to decide on her own if that's a deal breaker for herself.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lifescript said:


> Healer,
> 
> What has happened points to her having some issues but you wouldn't know by looking at her. She looks very sane and normal. But yeah ... I think you are right sadly.
> 
> Daddio,
> 
> I did put myself in a situation.
> 
> I'll end it and set boundaries.


"Looks sane" ... you've been down that road before.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> How far into dating someone do you need to have this talk? She asked me once before if I want more kids. I said "hmmmm, I don't know". Which at the time, I didn't. Thinking on it more now, I know I don't. Do you think she's hoping I'll come to the "yes" conclusion? How do I broach that? Is she pinning her hopes on me??


3x and Daddio are right... you need to do it soon. She's hoping you'll say yes, because she wants to know that she's not wasting her time, but she's being PA because your initial answer about it was so non-committal. You've been seeing her long enough that it's time to have this conversation... not because the two of you are ready to commit to one another, but because she knows that she wants kids, and she wants to know if she's wasting her time before she gets too attached.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



FeministInPink said:


> 3x and Daddio are right... you need to do it soon. She's hoping you'll say yes, because she wants to know that she's not wasting her time, but she's being PA because your initial answer about it was so non-committal. You've been seeing her long enough that it's time to have this conversation... not because the two of you are ready to commit to one another, but because she knows that she wants kids, and she wants to know if she's wasting her time before she gets too attached.


Exactly. There's nothing wrong with her wanting to know.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> "Looks sane" ... you've been down that road before.


This was a nice brush up. Didn't dip my toes too deep thank God. 

I tell you man this one hides it real well.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



Lifescript said:


> This was a nice brush up. Didn't dip my toes too deep thank God.
> 
> I tell you man this one hides it real well.


Everyone is hiding something (mines chronic masturbation, fyi) but if you're not rushing into it *cough* you can see some of the signs (I have extremely hairy palms).


----------



## Healer

Thanks guys. I guess the "will my ass get fat" was a pretty huge indicator for me. I'm leaving for California for xmas with my kids Tuesday. When I get back I'll have the talk. I'm guessing that'll be the end of things. Bummer. I should probably stick to seeing women who already have kids of their own or don't want them. This is going to suck ass.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Thanks guys. I guess the "will my ass get fat" was a pretty huge indicator for me. I'm leaving for California for xmas with my kids Tuesday. When I get back I'll have the talk. I'm guessing that'll be the end of things. Bummer. I should probably stick to seeing women who already have kids of their own or don't want them. This is going to suck ass.


A lot of things suck about being a grown-up. But ultimately, as awesome as she is, if she wants kids and you don't, the two of you are incompatible. You both deserve to be with someone who IS compatible.

EDIT: You should come see me in DC. I don't want kids


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Everyone is hiding something (mines chronic masturbation, fyi) but if you're not rushing into it *cough* you can see some of the signs (I have extremely hairy palms).


Lol


----------



## moxy

Lifescript said:


> Healer,
> 
> What has happened points to her having some issues but you wouldn't know by looking at her. She looks very sane and normal. But yeah ... I think you are right sadly.
> 
> Daddio,
> 
> I did put myself in a situation.
> 
> I'll end it and set boundaries.



We all make mistakes. Everyone has issues. If you handle things clearly and without games, it's easier to negotiate them. 

Sounds like maybe you both like each other, but...she has some stuff in her life that she might need to sort out. And, your own actions have shown lack of boundaries and awareness, too, which you need to sort out. 

You don't have to condemn her to recognize that there are potential problems in this situation. She may be sane and normal and going through some stuff -- and, maybe in time, she will sort it out. In the meantime, just focus on what you want, what will be good for you, and on filtering out what doesn't keep you on that path. 

If you don't know your path....time to think about it, maybe?


----------



## moxy

Lifescript said:


> This was a nice brush up. Didn't dip my toes too deep thank God.
> 
> I tell you man this one hides it real well.



She may not be crazy. Your statements are rather judgmental. I'm sorry to point it out, but...really, it's not healthy to think about whether or not the partner is "crazy" in this context. It's more important to figure out if your interests are aligned. 

It's so easy to paint a picture of her as a nut job, but...that puts you in a position to deny culpability and responsibility in the interaction. You won't change anything by changing, judging, or laughing about her, but you might have better luck in your own progress and happiness if you look at how your own actions put you in that situation, just so that you can adjust where you're going with your choices. 

I don't meant to be harsh or to offend anyone, I just think that this is important to consider because it may determine what path you take from here on out.


----------



## ne9907

Ive finally had a chance to read the thread. FiP I say this because I care about you, I think that you are going the wrong way about dating, and I cannot believe nobody has mentioned anything yet!!!

Perhaps, I am still suffering from altitude sickness, but here it comes anyway.

Stop sleeping with men on the first date.
Do not invite a man to come over to your house on a first date, or second, or third, they must become worthy of entering your home! Your home is your sanctuary (like your body).
Why are you even thinking about changing a man's way of life after a first date? 
WE DO NOT CHANGE people! We accept people or move on. Yes, his hygiene was less than desirable but we all have different likes and dislikes. 
If this was just a hook up then I retrieve everything I wrote, however I get the impression you want to date this fellow.
He has already told you he isn't ready to date....
Why do we do these things to ourselves?

Healer--- THis is NE from the future "Welcome to sunny CA, where it never rains and people forget to human."


On unrelated news, I have had a wonderful week~
Oh, and added another item to my bucket list!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Ive finally had a chance to read the thread. FiP I say this because I care about you, I think that you are going the wrong way about dating, and I cannot believe nobody has mentioned anything yet!!!
> 
> Perhaps, I am still suffering from altitude sickness, but here it comes anyway.
> 
> Stop sleeping with men on the first date.
> Do not invite a man to come over to your house on a first date, or second, or third, they must become worthy of entering your home! Your home is your sanctuary (like your body).
> Why are you even thinking about changing a man's way of life after a first date?
> WE DO NOT CHANGE people! We accept people or move on. Yes, his hygiene was less than desirable but we all have different likes and dislikes.
> If this was just a hook up then I retrieve everything I wrote, however I get the impression you want to date this fellow.
> He has already told you he isn't ready to date....
> Why do we do these things to ourselves?
> 
> Healer--- THis is NE from the future "Welcome to sunny CA, where it never rains and people forget to human."
> 
> 
> On unrelated news, I have had a wonderful week~
> Oh, and added another item to my bucket list!


I appreciate it Ne, but...

--I spent 5 years in a sexless marriage. If I want to have sex with a guy, I'm going to have sex with him. I don't do this with every guy I go out with. I've been on other dates that I haven't posted about here, and I didn't sleep with those guys. I like sex, and two consenting adults can do what they want. Stop judging me.

--I can't have sex if I can't bring him back to my place, or go to his. Revisit my first point. Yes, my home is my sanctuary. It's also my home, which means I can do what I want in it. Maybe my body is my sanctuary, in which case there should be some serious worshipping going on.

--I don't want to change his way of life. It's JUST SOAP. (It's not a hygiene issue. He's very clean. I'm not sure you read all the posts.)

--He said he wasn't ready to date, and I was OK with that and just being friends (and told him as much). He later recanted and said he was just freaked out because he was working on his settlement agreement. So maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I'm just seeing where it goes. If he's ready, or he's not ready, that's his issue. I'm just going to have fun, and if it ends, it ends, if it continues, then it continues.

Let's take a look at what I'm doing right:

--I'm not chasing him or pushing him in any way; I'm letting him pursue and set the pace.
--I'm not getting swept up, and I'm maintaining a certain level of detachment so I don't get infatuated and overlook any potential red flags. 
--I'm still dating other people, so I don't get one-itis, and to make sure that I make the best choice for me.
--I'm keeping busy with my own life and stuff, and doing my own thing, so I don't lose track of me.

I'm not suggesting I'm perfect, and I know I make mistakes, but... c'mon.


----------



## moxy

Sex is fun. We should probably all be having a lot more of it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Script, you're going to go through "ups and downs" when it comes to dating, no doubt. At times you'll be all for it, and at other times you'll be completely content being single. Unlike what you went through when it came to your past marriage, this is something that's totally natural.

A week ago I was all for getting back into the dating game, last Sunday I took my profiles down due to that feeling changing. Felt I was ready to get back into it and then realized after a week that I wasn't up to putting any effort into it.

Don't force anything.


----------



## bravenewworld

06Daddio08 said:


> Script, you're going to go through "ups and downs" when it comes to dating, no doubt. At times you'll be all for it, and at other times you'll be completely content being single. Unlike what you went through when it came to your past marriage, this is something that's totally natural.
> 
> A week ago I was all for getting back into the dating game, last Sunday I took my profiles down due to that feeling changing. Felt I was ready to get back into it and then realized after a week that I wasn't up to putting any effort into it.
> 
> Don't force anything.


Had to laugh - I've done that at least twice in the past 6 months. I'm ready to date! Until I'm not. Usually it's between 5-7 days before the "not" kicks in. 

Also, I don't think I'm going to do anymore online dating. It's cool and easy and fun, but I don't think it helps my social/dating skills evolve.


----------



## Lifescript

Moxy, 

You are right. Sometimes I'm quick to judge and I'm based because of prior experience. To me, she's not crazy. She does have some issues that she needs to work on. So do I. Based on what she has told me she has been burned in the past. She thinks all men cheat. I don't think all women cheat but under some circumstances all people are tempted. 

If not for the job situation and the bf, I'd have liked to see where this could go. 

Anyways my plan is to stop it and be friends with her, give her distance.


----------



## bravenewworld

A question......

I have a hot co-worker at my job. The first time I saw him, our eyes met and I felt an electric jolt of attraction, which almost never happens to me. Well, it happened one other time. That was in the 11th grade. 

Don't get me wrong, I've liked, cared about, and loved people, but rarely have I felt a jolt like that just locking eyes with someone. 

Not interested in dating him (I'm like Jelly, no dating work peeps) but I'm just wondering...what do you all consider that "jolt" feeling? It's not love. That I'm sure of. But it's not that warm and yummy lust feeling I get in my groin either. 

It's almost like you've known them before somehow....a similar sensation to deja vu. Anyone else experienced this or know what I'm talking about? Or am I crazy?


----------



## RandomDude

Have a question, what do you guys feel about me going up to my ex to get some of my capital back from her?
Long story short: I'm in a position now where I'm convinced I need to buy out my shareholders.



bravenewworld said:


> A question......
> 
> I have a hot co-worker at my job. The first time I saw him, our eyes met and I felt an electric jolt of attraction, which almost never happens to me. Well, it happened one other time. That was in the 11th grade.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I've liked, cared about, and loved people, but rarely have I felt a jolt like that just locking eyes with someone.
> 
> Not interested in dating him (I'm like Jelly, no dating work peeps) but I'm just wondering...what do you all consider that "jolt" feeling? It's not love. That I'm sure of. But it's not that warm and yummy lust feeling I get in my groin either.
> 
> It's almost like you've known them before somehow....a similar sensation to deja vu. Anyone else experienced this or know what I'm talking about? Or am I crazy?


Ey? This is just butterflies no?


----------



## ne9907

I sincerely apologize for my words FiP, my intention was not to upset you.

Lifescript---- Work/dating is a huge NO NO. Here is a bit of a story for you. About two months ago a male co worker broke up with his long time girlfriend. He proceeded to send me a naked picture of himself, and dropped hints about wanting to date me.
His statements about wanting a relationship with me, have been happening since then. I have told him I am not interested, he is subtle for example says things like "You are not my type, but I have to figure you out" "You are like a beautiful rubix cube" etc etc etc..(classic pua sh!t)
I have told him to stop many times. I am simply not interested.
Meanwhile, there is a female co worker. She is extremely nice and we have gone out plenty of times together. I enjoy her company. SHe is the closest thing to a BFF girl friend. She is bisexual. She had never before showed any romantic/sexual interest in me until said co worker began to blatantly show interest in me. She asked me out (jokingly ??) I said no of course.
Well, About two weeks ago said co workers (male and female) began fvcking. Both of them are still making "dating" references regarding my person. I feel they do it to make each other jealous.... or they truly want me to join them, will never happen.
It is a difficult situation at work (on top of everything else) but as long as they are being productive, it does not bother me.
My point is, leave the woman alone. She will grown restless if you do not pay any more attention to her, and she will find another target. Work relations are just not professional.




bravenewworld said:


> A question......
> 
> I have a hot co-worker at my job. The first time I saw him, our eyes met and I felt an electric jolt of attraction, which almost never happens to me. Well, it happened one other time. That was in the 11th grade.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I've liked, cared about, and loved people, but rarely have I felt a jolt like that just locking eyes with someone.
> 
> Not interested in dating him (I'm like Jelly, no dating work peeps) but I'm just wondering...what do you all consider that "jolt" feeling? It's not love. That I'm sure of. But it's not that warm and yummy lust feeling I get in my groin either.
> 
> *It's almost like you've known them before somehow....a similar sensation to deja vu*. Anyone else experienced this or know what I'm talking about? Or am I crazy?


Yes. I actually felt this "jolt" with Blue. You are right, it is not butterflies, warm and fuzzy feeling either. It is entirely different.

When I first met blue, I actually asked him "Have we met before?" even though I knew that was ridiculous because I had never seen him before....

But I know Brave... I know!!!! I feel happy 

EDIT: Btw, I am NOT talking to Blue again.
EDIT 2: Trying to upload some photos from the Grand Canyon trip but having trouble....


----------



## RandomDude

No jolt, no butterflies with FWB, don't know whether I should feel jealous or not of you ladies experiencing all these wonderful emotions


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Have a question, what do you guys feel about me going up to my ex to get some of my capital back from her?
> Long story short: I'm in a position now where I'm convinced I need to buy out my shareholders.
> 
> 
> 
> Ey? This is just butterflies no?


Depends on your relationship. I have a friend who had to ask her ex-h for more money due to a financial problem. They are very close friends - he said "you're the mother of my children and I care about your well being" and just gave it to her. My ex, meanwhile, would die laughing before slamming the door in my face. I think if it's something you're comfortable doing, it's probably fine. 

Butterflies to me is more that fluttery nervous/excited sensation. This is literally like you grinding your shoes into a carpet then touching a metal door handle.


----------



## ne9907

GC
I will hike the Grand Canyon, planning a trip for next spring or late summer


----------



## RandomDude

Well, we do have a civil relationship, and still a commitment to our co-parenting arrangements. To get my capital back we will have to rediscuss our financial arrangements however, which may stir up a hornet's nest as well especially with the amount I require to buy out my shareholders. Honestly the more I argue with them the more despicable, clueless and greedy they turn out to be, and I'm having enough after today.

Or maybe I just need to calm down, spend some time with my potentially future second ex wife (FWB  ), and make a decision when my head isn't so full of anger. Still no butterflies though, no jolts of lovey doveys, no cupid shooting me in the ass.

Still remember the last time I felt a jolt - with that lady who I dated only to find out she's only 20... bah!


----------



## vi_bride04

Script... Not even any lunches together!!! You crossed the line, no going back only getting deeper into things if you don't cut ties.

TRUST ME!!!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Ne9907, 

Thanks for sharing that. It definitely has to be awkward, for example, to have a fling or serious relationship with a coworker and then breakup. You still have to see them in meetings, halls, parties, etc. 

What's messing me up is having someone as attractive as her show interest in me. Something that hasn't happened in a long time. I've been separated now for 1.5 years and have not gotten into another relationship. 
I've learned to be alone but I'm honestly getting tired of it. I want someone in my life. I'm sure I won't find the right person right away but I want to start looking. Sure I can be having fun and having an exciting life but women don't usually approach us. We have to take action. With that in mind ... In y'all experience what's the most successful way to meet people? Is it just talking to random people, getting hooked up through your social circles or dating sites?

RD, 

Not familiar with your situation but this sounds like something you should sit on, spend time with your gal, relax and reassess. 

Ladies, 

Be completely honest ... what would you think if you go out with a guy (31) who is divorced or getting divorced and because of financial reasons post divorce now finds himself living at his mother's house. Renting an apartment in the second floor of a two family house but still his mother's house none the less. Would you think less of him, be turned off? 

I rushed out with coworker last Sunday after we woke up. I so didn't want her to find out this is my mother's house. 

I'm seriously considering getting another job part time or selling my car so I can be able to afford my own place. I live in NY so public transportation is ok. But having a car is great for taking the kid to and picking him up from school.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> Ne9907,
> 
> Thanks for sharing that. It definitely has to be awkward, for example, to have a fling or serious relationship with a coworker and then breakup. You still have to see them in meetings, halls, parties, etc.


And this is why this is all a big NO NO.



> RD,
> 
> Not familiar with your situation but this sounds like something you should sit on, spend time with your gal, relax and reassess.


Sure, if I don't murder them all outright. Hell I hate that I'm forced to be even be associated with such people. But anyways, enough of ranting. I'll take it out on FWB when she comes over - in a pleasurable way of course.


----------



## bravenewworld

Lifescript said:


> Ladies,
> 
> Be completely honest ... what would you think if you go out with a guy (31) who is divorced or getting divorced and because of financial reasons post divorce now finds himself living at his mother's house. Renting an apartment in the second floor of a two family house but still his mother's house none the less. Would you think less of him, be turned off?


I would not date a man still living in his mother's house or any family member's home, even in the situation you describe. Too close for comfort. I really value independence. 

I am not well off by any means, but I work several jobs to be able to afford my own place/car/etc. so I don't see men living at home or in roommate situations as compatible with my values/lifestyle. It's a turn off (for me) but I definitely don't think less of them in the human sense. 

Sorry to be harsh - not judging you at all just one of those "different strokes for different folks" situations. I'm sure if you found someone in a similar circumstance as yourself they would be more understanding. 

As far as meeting new people I think online dating (Tinder, *******, etc.) is a great way to get laid (cough cough) I mean get your feet wet.


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's rather interesting how much value you place in her being attractive. I'm curious to know if you're basing this on the good ol' social standard.

Less going out, more money into getting your own place. I spent 10 months sleeping on an air mattress until I could finally get my own place. Even then, it took another year to get it really established.


----------



## moxy

Script -- anyone who isn't going to see you in the context of your life and circumstances isn't the one for you. People struggle. They work to get back on their feet. For some people, that's an issue, but for others, it isn't; it depends on what the woman is looking for. Don't worry about it. Be yourself. Be aware of boundaries. Be honest. And, that will help!

Dating coworkers can get super confusing and awkward, not just between the two of you but in the work dynamic. I avoid dating at work, generally. I have a close male friend at work, and people have mistaken us for a couple (including Guy, once), but I see him as a kid brother (extreme friend-zone) and he has a girlfriend. I would definitely never date anyone in my department/field. I'd have to be pretty seriously invested, if I were to date at work. Now, there is a guy at work that I have a major crush on and with whom I think good things could happen for a lot of reasons. We flirt with each other on occasion, but he flirts with everyone, and I'm nice to almost everyone, in general. So, no harm. All the women at work are crushing on him and even the men want to be his friends; it's hilarious, but he's very smart and charming. If he asked me out explicitly, I'd say yes; he once did, vaguely, but never followed up on it, and now I think he's secretly dating someone in another department (he's not in my field, but kinda in hers), though he denies it. I don't let my crush be known AT ALL. I wouldn't ever pursue him, simply because we work together and that could get awkward if I was into him and he wasn't into me or whatever, but I'd have a hard time saying no. Instead, I choose to try my luck with online dating (which hasn't always been amazing, but is kinda fun, most of the time).

By the way, I waited 2.5 years after ex-h and I split up before I went on a date with anyone else. It took me that long before I was able to sort my head out and detach. Your situation (co-parenting, right?) will definitely be tough; you have to forgive yourself for your mistakes along the way, but be careful not to repeat them. I'd say that any way other than work (from your list) to meet people would be good.

NE -- great photos! I bet your trip was awesome.

Everyone -- Work is driving me bonkers and I'm looking forward to vacation! It starts tomorrow night. Translator is calling me again, so maybe date 2 will happen, after all; he's done a 180 on the flirting after the drunk-dial, but I kinda miss the sexy banter. Mr. Muscles is still texting me and I'm sure we'd have a fun night, but he lives far away and our schedules have been mismatched. I matched with and have been chatting with another new person who I could totally fall for, if I'm not careful, so...I will have to see how things go. I am not used to talking to multiple people at once, but it seems like a good way to stay detached until I know what I want to do. Detaching from ex-h nearly did me in, and It was so hard to let go of Guy (I still miss him), so I'm trying to be careful about getting attached to anyone new. Tonight, what I want to do is read and watch Netflix. Yay for winter break!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Ne9907,
> 
> Ladies,
> 
> *Be completely honest ... what would you think if you go out with a guy (31) who is divorced or getting divorced and because of financial reasons post divorce now finds himself living at his mother's house.* Renting an apartment in the second floor of a two family house but still his mother's house none the less. Would you think less of him, be turned off?
> 
> I rushed out with coworker last Sunday after we woke up. I so didn't want her to find out this is my mother's house.
> 
> I'm seriously considering getting another job part time or selling my car so I can be able to afford my own place. I live in NY so public transportation is ok. But having a car is great for taking the kid to and picking him up from school.


Honestly, knowing that you were going through a divorce, living at your mom's would not bother me. Everyone needs help. I lived with my sister for a time after my last divorce. Just be honest about it, and make it known that you dont plan to take up permanent residence there. 

Actually the guy I was seeing (who just broke up with me and crushed my heart...) is currently living with his folks since his last breakup that resulted in him getting kicked out of the ex gf's house. He also wasnt working since said ex also convinced him to quit his job and just take classes. I admit I would not have pursued this if he had been someone I had just met online. But since I had known him before, I was willing to give things a chance. He has been obsessively looking for a job and is desperate for his own place, so his actions show me that he isnt content with his current situation. 

Make sense?


----------



## Lifescript

Bravenewworld, 

Thanks for your input. This is what I was looking for - honest opinions. I guess in the end it comes down to comfort level and how you feel individually. It has bothers me for some time that I'm living at my mother's house. I think is time I seriously come up with a plan to move out soon. I wish freakin NYC wasn't so expensive everywhere. 

Daddio, 

I've build some connection with this chick. We've been taking since the summer. It's not just physical. But she is really beautiful. She asks me how I'm doing, how's my son doing, etc. Like she really cares. That's what put me in this bind. 

I have been going out a lot and spending serious money. Gotta stop that and focus on my goal. 

Moxy, 

This is true. I have to keep it real with my current situation. Whoever don't understand I have to let go. 

3x, 

I've heard this before. A woman will date even if not a good situation as long as the guy has an plan to get out.


----------



## Dollystanford

Script, we've been around for a long time baby - sounds to me like you're hopping from crazy to crazy. Step back

Healer, from what I gather this woman is passive aggressively trying to get you to have a conversation about future and kids after you've been dating around six weeks?

Dudes!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I sincerely apologize for my words FiP, my intention was not to upset you.


You didn't upset me. You voiced your opinions and I disagreed. Disagreement =/= upset. Even so, I appreciate your apology and accept it in the spirit it was offered. 

That thing with your co-workers is fvcked up. A very good reason why NOT to get involved with people at work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> A question......
> 
> I have a hot co-worker at my job. The first time I saw him, our eyes met and I felt an electric jolt of attraction, which almost never happens to me. Well, it happened one other time. That was in the 11th grade.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I've liked, cared about, and loved people, but rarely have I felt a jolt like that just locking eyes with someone.
> 
> Not interested in dating him (I'm like Jelly, no dating work peeps) but I'm just wondering...what do you all consider that "jolt" feeling? It's not love. That I'm sure of. But it's not that warm and yummy lust feeling I get in my groin either.
> 
> It's almost like you've known them before somehow....a similar sensation to deja vu. Anyone else experienced this or know what I'm talking about? Or am I crazy?


My psychic friend would say it's because you knew each other in a past life or something, and you may may have had unresolved issues with that person.... or you're just more sensitive to those lingering connections. I've had similar experiences, once or twice.

She says that because I have such an affinity for Italian culture and language--something I've always been drawn to--that I was Italian in a previous life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> My psychic friend


=|

You really believe that stuff?


----------



## unsure78

Script you dont want to date anyone who just broke up with their boyfriend..

I have dated guys who lived with their parents post-D...while it is something I usually eliminate guys out for, if they are up front about it, I take it on a case by case reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Script...what are you looking for in a gf beyond beauty? 

I would suggest, making a list of the attributes and deal breakers for your potential gf...and then stick to it when dating...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> =|
> 
> You really believe that stuff?


You know, I didn't until I met her. (And she's an actual friend, not a "psychic friend" call line person, I hang out with her and we do stuff.) I've always been skeptical, but she's been incredibly accurate with her readings/predictions thus far. Too much for me to just dismiss out of hand. Everything that has happened with OKC Guy, she called it all beforehand. I had only been talking with him for only a few days, but I hadn't told her (or anyone, for that matter) about it... the minute she saw me, she said, "You've met someone! I want to see his picture." And when I gave her my phone, with the picture, she got a physical jolt, and all this stuff just started pouring out of her. It was crazy. She predicted EVERYTHING that's happened with him so far.

I still think that most psychics are charlatans... but I think she's the real deal. I'm still skeptical a lot of the time, but I'm keeping an open mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Interesting, though I would consider that simply sharp instincts, but tis just me. As many times I can easily tell when a friend has met someone new as well as being able to gauge the type of person someone is within the first impressions. I'm sure most people have this ability somewhat more or less no?

For me it's not always entirely accurate but honed over the years since I was a teen. My mother would consider someone like your friend, a woman with very high EQ or emotional intelligence. Besides after years of experience as a "psychic" (as well as magicians), one should know all the tools and tricks of the trade.

Just my two cents though, no offense to your friend


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> I'm seriously considering getting another job part time or selling my car so I can be able to afford my own place. I live in NY so public transportation is ok. But having a car is great for taking the kid to and picking him up from school.


I think this is a great idea. Make a plan. You aren't into your living situation by the sounds of it, so definitely start planning to get out of it. 

I am generally not into a guy living at home with mom and dad and especially if there is no job/plan to get out in place. Not a big turn on for me. The Plan is essential. 

And yep, NYC is expensive as hell. But if you formulate a plan, you will get to a different place. 

I realize you are loving the attention this attractive chick gives you but it's jut a bad idea. The work component, the fact that she has/had a boyfriend sh'es not over, the fact that you'd be a rebound. All not worth it. (To me the biggest HELL NO is the work component - your job situation becoming weird is not worth the fall out of hanky panky with a woman). No way. 

There is a really hot guy that I work with. I love to stare at his bum when he walks by. But he's my colleague. So, no. Not that I haven't ever thought about it when we're standing close together. LOL. But yeah, just no. There are lines that I think would be silly to cross/jeopardize. So I just watch him looking all sexy.

There are attractive ladies everywhere. Get on Tinder. Meet chicks. Make a financial plan to move soon. You will get there.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Interesting, though I would consider that simply sharp instincts, but tis just me. As many times I can easily tell when a friend has met someone new as well as being able to gauge the type of person someone is within the first impressions. I'm sure most people have this ability somewhat more or less no?
> 
> For me it's not always entirely accurate but honed over the years since I was a teen. *My mother would consider someone like your friend, a woman with very high EQ or emotional intelligence*. Besides after years of experience as a "psychic" (as well as magicians), one should know all the tools and tricks of the trade.
> 
> Just my two cents though, no offense to your friend


That may be the case, and whether one calls it psychic or high EQ may just be a matter of semantics.

Except that she never met him, she just looked at his picture... and all her predictions were about his behavior/what he would do. In respects to me--the person she does actually know in real life, and quite well--her predictions were slightly less specific, as in, "You'll either do this or this" or "You might react this way, but maybe not, if..."

I don't take it all terribly seriously, but I find it entertaining, and her predictions have helped me keep an open mind about things in general. So even if it's not real, I still think I'm benefiting from it in a way.

EDIT: And no offense taken. I'm still skeptical of a lot of things all the time, and she just rolls with it.


----------



## moxy

I agree with Jelly, make a plan, Script -- one based on reality, rather than ideals, so that you can achieve it.


----------



## moxy

I just joined a fitness group because I need to deal with my fitness concerns. Wish me luck!


----------



## Lifescript

unsure78 said:


> Script...what are you looking for in a gf beyond beauty?
> 
> I would suggest, making a list of the attributes and deal breakers for your potential gf...and then stick to it when dating...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks unsure. Good advice. Most important traits for me are loyalty and strong values, someone independent that can if needed take care of herself, family oriented (big one for me ... I want to have more kids), likes to have fun and have minimal emotional baggage, someone who likes to have fun and is not all about money. There are more. 

She doesn't want to have kids according to her so that takes her out of any long term consideration. 

When did you find out the guy was living at his parents? He told you or you asked? How far down the dating process was it?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Ladies,
> 
> Be completely honest ... *what would you think if you go out with a guy (31) who is divorced or getting divorced and because of financial reasons post divorce now finds himself living at his mother's house. Renting an apartment in the second floor of a two family house but still his mother's house none the less. Would you think less of him, be turned off? *
> 
> I rushed out with coworker last Sunday after we woke up. I so didn't want her to find out this is my mother's house.
> 
> I'm seriously considering getting another job part time or selling my car so I can be able to afford my own place. I live in NY so public transportation is ok. But having a car is great for taking the kid to and picking him up from school.


As many other ladies here have said, I think it's best to take things on a case-by-case basis. You recognize that it's less than ideal, and you're trying to figure out how to make it work otherwise; you're not just crashing on her couch or sleeping in your old bedroom--you're paying rent. Both of these would be positive signs for me. But I might be a little cautious, and watch to see whether this is just talk, or if he follows through.

My last boyfriend, aka Fireman, had gotten out of a bad relationship situation and was staying with his mom at the time while he sorted some sh!t out. But, like you, he knew it wasn't an ideal situation, and was planning to move out.

What WOULD concern me is a man who has lived at his parents' home for an extended period of time, and was very comfortable with it, and had no intention of changing that situation.


----------



## Lifescript

Jellybeans said:


> I think this is a great idea. Make a plan. You aren't into your living situation by the sounds of it, so definitely start planning to get out of it.
> 
> I am generally not into a guy living at home with mom and dad and especially if there is no job/plan to get out in place. Not a big turn on for me. The Plan is essential.
> 
> And yep, NYC is expensive as hell. But if you formulate a plan, you will get to a different place.
> 
> I realize you are loving the attention this attractive chick gives you but it's jut a bad idea. The work component, the fact that she has/had a boyfriend sh'es not over, the fact that you'd be a rebound. All not worth it. (To me the biggest HELL NO is the work component - your job situation becoming weird is not worth the fall out of hanky panky with a woman). No way.
> 
> There is a really hot guy that I work with. I love to stare at his bum when he walks by. But he's my colleague. So, no. Not that I haven't ever thought about it when we're standing close together. LOL. But yeah, just no. There are lines that I think would be silly to cross/jeopardize. So I just watch him looking all sexy.
> 
> There are attractive ladies everywhere. Get on Tinder. Meet chicks. Make a financial plan to move soon. You will get there.


From what I hear Tinder has a bad reputation. I'm all for hooking up for sex but I'm interested in dating women who with long term potential. From what I hear tinder is full of crazies (men and women). Maybe that's not so. 

Is there a way to block an ex on these sites? That would be awkward as hell. Me and my ex finding each other on any of these sites. 

You are right. I have to make a plan and change my living situation. I'm really not happy with it. I realized it these past few days. 

And yea ... I'll talk to my coworker and set boundaries. It's a messy situation all around. 

Thanks,


----------



## Jellybeans

I have had positive experiences with Tinder. And I haven't used it to find people solely to "f*ck." (However some people do and if that's their bag, I am not going to judge. To each their own).


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> I have had positive experiences with Tinder. And I haven't used it to find people solely to "f*ck." (However some people do and if that's their bag, I am not going to judge. To each their own).


I've also had some positive experiences with Tinder... I've also had a guys on Tinder who stood me up or blocked me the day before me were planning on meeting.

There are all kinds of people on Tinder... looking for all kinds of things. Go ahead and give it a shot--if there are women like JB and me on it, there will be other decent women on there, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> From what I hear Tinder has a bad reputation. I'm all for hooking up for sex but I'm interested in dating women who with long term potential. From what I hear tinder is full of crazies (men and women). Maybe that's not so.
> 
> *Is there a way to block an ex on these sites? That would be awkward as hell. Me and my ex finding each other on any of these sites. *
> 
> You are right. I have to make a plan and change my living situation. I'm really not happy with it. I realized it these past few days.
> 
> And yea ... I'll talk to my coworker and set boundaries. It's a messy situation all around.
> 
> Thanks,


You can't block from the outset. But if you come across her profile, you can block her at that point. Still, there's no guarantee that you'll be able to block her before she sees you. For all you know, if she's on the same sights, she might come across your profile and block you first, so you'd never know she was there or see her profile at all.


----------



## Lifescript

Cool. Some people let one or two bad experiences shape their perception. It's not all black or white. Two friends I have had bad experiences. I'll give it a try. 

Thanks JB, FIP


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I just joined a fitness group because I need to deal with my fitness concerns. Wish me luck!


Good luck! 

I'm looking to do the same... a friend from high school (now on Facebook) is a BeachBody coach, and she has a private "challenge" Facebook group going. She's trying to get me to try Shakeology, which I'm not entirely convinced of... and I'm not sure I want to spend the extra cash. She swears by it (and has dropped the pounds to back that up), but I'm not sure it's worth the investment... it feels a little gimmicky to me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Go on a good handful of dates with women from online sites and do so with the intention of not sleeping with them. I did that for a couple of months and used it as practice to meet various types of women. It was a good experience.

Then I ran into Petite and that all went out the window for a while, haha. Although, I've found that mindset again.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> Good luck!
> 
> I'm looking to do the same... a friend from high school (now on Facebook) is a BeachBody coach, and she has a private "challenge" Facebook group going. She's trying to get me to try Shakeology, which I'm not entirely convinced of... and I'm not sure I want to spend the extra cash. She swears by it (and has dropped the pounds to back that up), but I'm not sure it's worth the investment... it feels a little gimmicky to me.


I've tried doing similar programs before (juicing, master cleanse, etc.) but I can't have just an itty bitty shake for a meal. Makes me feel all light headed and wonky. I've heard the benefit of juicing is it resets your palate.....but afterward I still had a taste for salt and chocolate so who knows. 

Master cleanse was the craziest......did it for 8 days and started having all this euphoric energy and strange lucid dreams. My sense of smell was also heightened - I could literally smell food from miles away. It was like some weird "I'm super hungry" acid trip.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Be completely honest ... what would you think if you go out with a guy (31) who is divorced or getting divorced and because of financial reasons post divorce now finds himself living at his mother's house. Renting an apartment in the second floor of a two family house but still his mother's house none the less. Would you think less of him, be turned off?
> 
> I rushed out with coworker last Sunday after we woke up. I so didn't want her to find out this is my mother's house.
> 
> I'm seriously considering getting another job part time or selling my car so I can be able to afford my own place. I live in NY so public transportation is ok. But having a car is great for taking the kid to and picking him up from school.


I honestly would not date anyone who lived with their mothers, not because it denotes financial dependency on someone else, but because I would feel embarrassed to be around your family. I like to move slow with the people I date. Awkward family introductions is not something I would enjoy.


----------



## moxy

Tinder isn't bad, at all, Script. Just write on your profile that you want to date rather than hook up (and, stick to it).


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> I honestly would not date anyone who lived with their mothers, not because it denotes financial dependency on someone else, but because I would feel embarrassed to be around your family. I like to move slow with the people I date. Awkward family introductions is not something I would enjoy.


How about a guy that has his own place but has a roommate in order to afford the place so he basically has a room rented out?


----------



## Lifescript

moxy said:


> Tinder isn't bad, at all, Script. Just write on your profile that you want to date rather than hook up (and, stick to it).


Will do moxy. It's good a checked with you guys. Sounds like Tinder is not what I had been told.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> I've build some connection with this chick. We've been taking since the summer. It's not just physical. But she is really beautiful. She asks me how I'm doing, how's my son doing, etc. Like she really cares. That's what put me in this bind.
> 
> 
> .


I don't know your story, How long have you been separated/divorced?

It honestly sounds like you are still rebuilding your self esteem. I went through that phase. A year ago, all the attention my co worker has been giving me would have dropped my panties in a second. He is super hot, nice body, younger than me. I find his attention annoying!! 
I still a long way from becoming the self assured person I want to be, but I have definitely come a long way. Physical attractiveness not longer drives me stupid to the reality of the situation!

I also have a question for all of you. I have noticed a lot of us (on this thread) move rather fast when in a new relationship. 
Is this the norm?? I am very slow, I actually haven't called anyone babe/baby/honey/sweety (etc) since ex husband.
All those terms of endearment are reserve for when I fall in love or when I build a strong connection. Towards the end of my relationship with Blue, be began calling me baby and I totally freaked out.

I actually like that I go slow in relationships, but I also want to make sure the man I date feels appreciated while dating me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> How about a guy that has his own place but has a roommate in order to afford the place so he basically has a room rented out?


TONS of people do that in DC/MD/VA... it's practically the only way one can afford to own anything larger than a shoebox.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> How about a guy that has his own place but has a roommate in order to afford the place so he basically has a room rented out?


the guy I am currently seeing has a female roommate. The guy I previously dated also had a roommate. I do not mind at all, just be careful roomie doesn't catch feelings for your girl haha.
Blue's roommate (guy I dated before current, his name is Navy guy) had a crush on me.

EDIT: Tinder is like the eye of the beholder. I have had only good experiences, even the bad dates were great experiences for something I do not want!!

I have also build a social circle with Tinder. I sort of collect personalities I like, I am not longer on Tinder but I keep these friends on my social circle. This is what I have so far:

1. Superhero geek guy
2. Literature expert guy.
3. Physicist guy.
4. Astrophysicist guy (I made introductions with him through physicist guy)
5. Doctor (says he is a doctor)
6. French hottie who will take me on a tour when I visit France.


I have not slept with any of those men, they are just people I talk to whenever I have questions about life.

OH!!!! I should find a psychic!!! I do believe in psychics btw.


----------



## Lifescript

Same here in NYC FIP. It's so expensive. So an apt with roomate is ok. 

Damn ... I'm already getting excited about Tinder y'all.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> I don't know your story, How long have you been separated/divorced?
> 
> It honestly sounds like you are still rebuilding your self esteem. I went through that phase. A year ago, all the attention my co worker has been giving me would have dropped my panties in a second. He is super hot, nice body, younger than me. I find his attention annoying!!
> I still a long way from becoming the self assured person I want to be, but I have definitely come a long way. Physical attractiveness not longer drives me stupid to the reality of the situation!
> 
> I also have a question for all of you. I have noticed a lot of us (on this thread) move rather fast when in a new relationship.
> Is this the norm?? I am very slow, I actually haven't called anyone babe/baby/honey/sweety (etc) since ex husband.
> All those terms of endearment are reserve for when I fall in love or when I build a strong connection. Towards the end of my relationship with Blue, be began calling me baby and I totally freaked out.
> 
> I actually like that I go slow in relationships, but I also want to make sure the man I date feels appreciated while dating me.


Been separated 1.5 yrs now. I'm still a work in progress but much better now than the mess I was before.

I haven't had lots of experience with women. My ex was my first.

Have lots to learn.


----------



## bravenewworld

Lifescript said:


> Same here in NYC FIP. It's so expensive. So an apt with roomate is ok.
> 
> Damn ... I'm already getting excited about Tinder y'all.


Tinder is fun! Even the dates that didn't work out weren't bad experiences. When I started chatting with people I'd tell them directly I wasn't looking for a booty call or NSA. Everyone seemed to respect that. 

Some Tinder advice - try to meet up sooner rather than later. Some people will get into these really intense texting situations for weeks/months and never meet. Total time waste. Also, definitely have a conversation on the telephone before meeting up in person. You can tell a lot by a persons tone and off the cuff responses. It's a good screening practice. I've happily avoided a few bad situations that way. 

Some Tinder photos to avoid putting up:

1) more than 1 selfie
2) duck lips
3) posing with an animal who looks clearly uncomfortable
4) posing with a woman who is not your mother or sister

Good luck!


----------



## Jellybeans

5. Posing naked with holding your privates in your hand
6. Using your pet or any dog/cat/bird/rhinocerous as your profile pic
7. Posing with an $$$ car that isn't yours
8. Posing with several of your male friends (she will have no clue which one you are).
10. Posing with any woman in your main profile pic. Just NO.

*I have encountered these all*


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Tinder is fun! Even the dates that didn't work out weren't bad experiences. When I started chatting with people I'd tell them directly I wasn't looking for a booty call or NSA. Everyone seemed to respect that.
> 
> Some Tinder advice - try to meet up sooner rather than later. Some people will get into these really intense texting situations for weeks/months and never meet. Total time waste. Also, definitely have a conversation on the telephone before meeting up in person. You can tell a lot by a persons tone and off the cuff responses. It's a good screening practice. I've happily avoided a few bad situations that way.
> 
> Some Tinder photos to avoid putting up:
> 
> 1) more than 1 selfie
> 2) duck lips
> 3) posing with an animal who looks clearly uncomfortable
> 4) posing with a woman who is not your mother or sister
> 
> Good luck!





Jellybeans said:


> 5. Posing naked with holding your privates in your hand
> 6. Using your pet or any dog/cat/bird/rhinocerous as your profile pic
> 7. Posing with an $$$ car that isn't yours
> 8. Posing with several of your male friends (she will have no clue which one you are).
> 10. Posing with any woman in your main profile pic. Just NO.
> 
> *I have encountered these all*


All sound advice. (Do guys do duck lips?) I put in my profile that I'm not looking for NSA/booty calls, but I still get messages from guys who ARE. So be aware that even if you put it out there, you may get some booty messages.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> All sound advice. (Do guys do duck lips?)


Yes. They do. And it's as ridiculous as it seems.


----------



## moxy

1-10 are awesome!

I would like to emphasize that the group photos are troubling; if she figures out which one you are and likes your buddy more than you, she will swipe left.

I would like to add the following suggestions of things to avoid:

11. Posting a photo in which only your naked torso, and not your face, is visible in the photo.

12. Posting a photo of your naked self lying in bed.

13. Posting a photo of yourself and some animal you have killed. There are too many of these.

Other things to keep in mind: If you match with someone and start having conversations, keep the conversation going or she will assume that you're not interested. Some people are really not good at talking. Offer a phone call early on, but don't be pushy. Don't ask for sex immediately, if you're not seeking out only a booty call. Avoid drunk-dialing someone you've only been talking to for a short while.


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> Good luck!
> 
> I'm looking to do the same... a friend from high school (now on Facebook) is a BeachBody coach, and she has a private "challenge" Facebook group going. She's trying to get me to try Shakeology, which I'm not entirely convinced of... and I'm not sure I want to spend the extra cash. She swears by it (and has dropped the pounds to back that up), but I'm not sure it's worth the investment... it feels a little gimmicky to me.


I did some research, and I'm definitely not doing the Shakeology. It seems like an absurd about of money for something that is essentially a protein power shake with what sounds like minimal amounts of "phytonutrients" and whatever else they claim.

I'm just going to stick to eating healthy, whole foods in reasonable quantities as part of a balanced diet. And drinking a lot of water. And working out.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> I did some research, and I'm definitely not doing the Shakeology. It seems like an absurd about of money for something that is essentially a protein power shake with what sounds like minimal amounts of "phytonutrients" and whatever else they claim.
> 
> I'm just going to stick to eating healthy, whole foods in reasonable quantities as part of a balanced diet. And drinking a lot of water. And working out.


This is the field I work in. FiP, you are right on. Eat better, move more. It's really that simple. And if a "plan" sounds too good to be true, it's 99% sure that it is too good to be true. 

There are some super apps and websites out there. I know Lose It! has a fun looking challenge coming up. And MyFitnessPal is a great site that I often recommend. 

That said, I also need to get back in track. Between moving out, the divorce, and a significant surgery I had in October, I feel awful right now. I'm looking for a fresh start, too!


----------



## RandomDude

I'm too sexy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk

:smthumbup:
Hell FWB always makes me feel good 



> 5. Posing naked with holding your privates in your hand


lol
Might try that just for the sh-ts and giggles


----------



## vi_bride04

Never thought I'd be reading about script using tinder!! Lol


----------



## TooNice

I'm going to agree with all of the Tinder suggestions! I appreciate when a man has something written in the bio, so I can at least know a tiny bit about him. I'll add to avoid lots of pics with kids. I get that sometimes you just have a really great pic with your kiddo(s), but it's creepy to only have pics of them.


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> Thanks unsure. Good advice. Most important traits for me are loyalty and strong values, someone independent that can if needed take care of herself, family oriented (big one for me ... I want to have more kids), likes to have fun and have minimal emotional baggage, someone who likes to have fun and is not all about money. There are more.
> 
> She doesn't want to have kids according to her so that takes her out of any long term consideration.
> 
> When did you find out the guy was living at his parents? He told you or you asked? How far down the dating process was it?


Found out on the first date...one of my standard first date questions is asking them if the own a house, townhouse, or are in a apartment. He was honest and told me, and he reason I felt was fair, he was paying a ton in alimony to his ex...but he also had a definite plan and time line to get out..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I wonder what would be your impression if I write a bio and put this on it heh:

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts

lol


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> I wonder what would be your impression if I write a bio and put this on it heh:
> 
> I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
> Love's going to leave me
> I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
> So sexy it hurts
> 
> lol


RD, for me, that would actually make me smile.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> This is the field I work in. FiP, you are right on. Eat better, move more. It's really that simple. And if a "plan" sounds too good to be true, it's 99% sure that it is too good to be true.
> 
> There are some super apps and websites out there. I know Lose It! has a fun looking challenge coming up. And MyFitnessPal is a great site that I often recommend.
> 
> That said, I also need to get back in track. Between moving out, the divorce, and a significant surgery I had in October, I feel awful right now. I'm looking for a fresh start, too!


In our society, it seems like everyone wants a quick fix or a miracle pill. People want to be instant millionaires or win American Idol, instead of putting in the hard work. 

Losing weight/getting in shape is HARD WORK. Anyone who tells you any different is trying to sell you something. 

Despite my inherent laziness, I do believe in hard work and the results that it brings. The only reason I haven't lost weight is only because of laziness/loss of willpower (which is more psychological than anything), not because I lack the how-to knowledge or because I haven't yet found the magic pill.

I was getting irritated, because I feel like my friend was really pushing the hard sell on me with this Shakeology thing. And anyone who really knows me knows that I don't like being pressured into anything; it makes me even more resistant. I'm an intelligent woman, I know how to do research and data collection, and I know how to make the right decisions for myself. I don't need anyone pressuring me into anything; I got enough of that BS from my mother and my XH to last a lifetime.

So I emailed her today and told her that I decided I wasn't going to do the Shakeology thing. She might end up kicking me out of her little Facebook challenge/support group, but I don't really care.

TooNice, we can be virtual workout buddies/support system. Personally, I'm a BIG fan of sparkpeople.com--are you familiar with that site? I've been on MyFitnessPal, which isn't bad, but I really like the useability of Spark People.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol alright, in that case I'm going to make a dating profile with FWB, putting that on my bio, and posting a pic with me nude holding my ballsacs 

PERFECT! Things I learn from TAM 
See how many likes/emails I get haha


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> TooNice, we can be virtual workout buddies/support system. Personally, I'm a BIG fan of sparkpeople.com--are you familiar with that site? I've been on MyFitnessPal, which isn't bad, but I really like the useability of Spark People.


I'd love that. I do know SparkPeople, but I haven't used it in years. I should go take another look!


----------



## moxy

"3 Fat Chicks on a Diet" and "Nerd Fitness Rebellion" are also great.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> "3 Fat Chicks on a Diet" and "Nerd Fitness Rebellion" are also great.


Are those books? Websites?


----------



## 06Daddio08

I'm a firm believer that fitness is more about discipline and less about motivation. While motivation can help spike a persons drive, it's very touch and go. Discipline on the other hand becomes a lifestyle.

Lifestyle creates sustainable progression. Diets don't.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Been separated 1.5 yrs now. I'm still a work in progress but much better now than the mess I was before.
> 
> I haven't had lots of experience with women. My ex was my first.
> 
> Have lots to learn.


oh poor thing! I think it is your time to find out what you really like and want. DO not settle so soon! Date around. Meet people. Enjoy life to the fullest!!


Btw, I think my Peru trip is back on!!!!


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Are those books? Websites?



Forums, like TAM.


----------



## ne9907

Hmmm....
So I got my divorce paperwork a long time ago, but just now I opened the envelope. I procrastinate a lot! Imagine my surprise when I realized there isn't just one single sheet of paper stating I am divorced. Like a certificate. It is the entire paperwork with a single sheet at the end signed by the judge. My signature isn't even there since I was not present for court (I waived my right)....

Is this normal?


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm....
> So I got my divorce paperwork a long time ago, but just now I opened the envelope. I procrastinate a lot! Imagine my surprise when I realized there isn't just one single sheet of paper stating I am divorced. Like a certificate. It is the entire paperwork with a single sheet at the end signed by the judge. My signature isn't even there since I was not present for court (I waived my right)....
> 
> Is this normal?


Yup, that is exactly what mine looks like.


----------



## FeministInPink

I told high school friend/Beachbody coach that I don't want to do the Shakeology. I even went back through my email and took out all the wishy-washy modifiers that women sometimes use that makes us sound less firm, that we use so sound nicer (all the "I don't think..." or "I feel like..."). Because I wanted to be clear and decisive: this is not for me.

And she emailed me back, and she's still pushing me on it. Hard. I'm not happy about this. I'm almost inclined to just unfriend her on Facebook, because at this point I don't care if I'm in her stupid little workout support group or not. 

... and it just occurred to me that I am unhappy with this because I SAID NO. I established a boundary, and she is trying to move my boundary. She is trying to wear me down.

I think I'm finally getting the hang of this boundary thing.

EDIT: I emailed her and said, "I've already given this enough thought, and I've decided that Shakeology is not the route I want to take."

BOOM!


----------



## moxy

FiP, just stick to your guns once or twice and she will back off. A determined salesperson will try at least a few times. Don't take it personally; she's clearly caught up in her pyramid scheme and not thinking clearly, which is kinda stupid on her part, but isn't particularly pointed toward you or your boundaries. But, yay on sticking to your convictions! 

Edit: Good work!!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> FiP, just stick to your guns once or twice and she will back off. A determined salesperson will try at least a few times. Don't take it personally; she's clearly caught up in her pyramid scheme and not thinking clearly, which is kinda stupid on her part, but isn't particularly pointed toward you or your boundaries. But, yay on sticking to your convictions!
> 
> Edit: Good work!!


I know it's not personal, that it's a sales thing, but it FEELS the same.

Edit: Thanks!

Edit 2: And I just heard back from her. She did back off, saying something like, "I'm just so passionate about this product, I couldn't live with myself if I just let someone say no right of the bat, and not try again!" Or maybe that's just her softer sell.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> I know it's not personal, that it's a sales thing, but it FEELS the same.
> 
> Edit: Thanks!
> 
> Edit 2: And I just heard back from her. She did back off, saying something like, "I'm just so passionate about this product, I couldn't live with myself if I just let someone say no right of the bat, and not try again!" Or maybe that's just her softer sell.


I'm with you FIP - the only way I've been able to keep weight off is just the boring old eat right, drink lots of water, and try to move my butt a few times a week. A daily probiotic also helps.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I'm with you FIP - the only way I've been able to keep weight off is just the boring old eat right, drink lots of water, and try to move my butt a few times a week. A daily probiotic also helps.


I like the yogurt with the probiotics, I think it's good for that. 

I feel like adding something like Shakeology is unnecessary and expensive, and complicates what should be simple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

The gimmicks only help people who are guided by gimmicks and fads, in my opinion; even then, it's probably not the routine, but the commitment to it that makes a difference. Even walking and eating right will make a difference, if a person sticks to it. That being said, some programs are better than others and stuff like CrossFit, P90X, and 30 Day Shred, things that are based on exercise, are probably better than shakeology or nutra-whatever that are based on supplements or the idea of a magic pill that works despite laziness and poor choices.

I've been blue and lazy, lately; my new program is not a kind of routine, but a sort of group of people who are committed to making an effort. I thought it would motivate me to get back into caring about fitness.  I have been making foolish choices and my current excess weight is a direct result of my lack of sufficient effort.

Never tried probiotics. Is the idea that detoxing the body helps it work better?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm....
> So I got my divorce paperwork a long time ago, but just now I opened the envelope. I procrastinate a lot! Imagine my surprise when I realized there isn't just one single sheet of paper stating I am divorced. Like a certificate. It is the entire paperwork with a single sheet at the end signed by the judge. My signature isn't even there since I was not present for court (I waived my right)....
> 
> Is this normal?


Yep, just a bunch of the details spelled out in legalize then some signatures at the end.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> The gimmicks only help people who are guided by gimmicks and fads, in my opinion; even then, it's probably not the routine, but the commitment to it that makes a difference. Even walking and eating right will make a difference, if a person sticks to it. That being said, some programs are better than others and stuff like CrossFit, P90X, and 30 Day Shred, things that are based on exercise, are probably better than shakeology or nutra-whatever that are based on supplements or the idea of a magic pill that works despite laziness and poor choices.
> 
> I've been blue and lazy, lately; my new program is not a kind of routine, but a sort of group of people who are committed to making an effort. I thought it would motivate me to get back into caring about fitness.  I have been making foolish choices and my current excess weight is a direct result of my lack of sufficient effort.
> 
> Never tried probiotics. Is the idea that detoxing the body helps it work better?


Of course detoxing your body helps it work better but probiotics are just for digestion purposes.
Find a diet and exercise that works for you and it all falls into place. Just like any other thing in life cookie cutter doesn't work for all, everyone is different.


----------



## Another Planet

Lifescript said:


> Been separated 1.5 yrs now. I'm still a work in progress but much better now than the mess I was before.
> 
> I haven't had lots of experience with women. My ex was my first.
> 
> *Have lots to learn.*


Well then yes you do. 
Just remember don't be scared of women they are same as you just people on their own life journey...

We have other mantras around here to, like work on yourself first and the rest will follow.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Nature provides a great detox program. It's called .... water! 

Less sugar and salt. More water. No more pop, reduce coffee intake and increase sleep. 

I lost 100 lbs without any programs or "specialty" company foods.


----------



## TooNice

As a professional in an evidence-based field, I, along with many of my colleagues, found relief when this came out: The 'Dr. Oz Effect': Senators Scold Mehmet Oz For Diet Scams - NBC News

Yeesh.


----------



## ne9907

I am an extremely lazy person, I have always been on the chubby side because of my height, but do try to maintain a healthy weight.

Eating healthy and exercise is what works. Nothing else will. Cardio is the best! I don't enjoy running as much as I did before so I am making it my priority to start a regiment in which the ultimate goal will be to run a half marathon (13.1 miles).

I can do that.


----------



## TooNice

Ne, I was never a runner (I mean really...NOT a runner. At all). I started using one of those Couch to 5k apps and fell in love with it. I actually ran a 1/4 marathon last summer and was ridiculously proud of myself. I would probably work toward a 1/2 at some point, too. I love goals. 

I'd like to repeat that 1/4 this summer, but like I said before, with all the stuff in my life the past few months, it's been tough. The biggest excuse is my surgery-three months in a cast makes exercise and eating well a challenge!

But yes, Ne, you _totally_ can do that! And rock it!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Running and cardio ... suck. I have no problem reaching the point of wanting to puke lifting weights, cardio on the other hand ...

If I want to drop from 215 to 195, I need to do cardio. Unfortunately. I've been humming and hawing over getting into jump rope.


----------



## moxy

06Daddio08 said:


> Nature provides a great detox program. It's called .... water!
> 
> Less sugar and salt. More water. No more pop, reduce coffee intake and increase sleep.
> 
> I lost 100 lbs without any programs or "specialty" company foods.



Congrats on that change in your body!! 

I love water, but don't drink enough of it, I don't drink much soda unless I am at a bar (as I usually avoid alcohol), I drink wayyyy too much coffee, and I definitely don't sleep enough. Those are changes I think I can start with.


----------



## moxy

I just had the best massage of my life. I just wish it lasted two hours instead of one. I plan on making this a regular thing. The guy was an absolute sweetheart -- friendly, warm, and easygoing -- so, it didn't feel all awkward being nude and vulnerable in front of a stranger with a mellifluous southern drawl and excellent manners, as I might otherwise have been. Also, he is mostly blind, so his tactile sense is enhanced. Some people are just good at healing what ails others and this young man was seriously gifted with that skill. Seriously, I may have found a solution to my stress problem!


----------



## 06Daddio08

moxy said:


> Congrats on that change in your body!!
> 
> I love water, but don't drink enough of it, I don't drink much soda unless I am at a bar (as I usually avoid alcohol), I drink wayyyy too much coffee, and I definitely don't sleep enough. Those are changes I think I can start with.


Thanks. I have a couple before and after photos in my profile.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Running and cardio ... suck. I have no problem reaching the point of wanting to puke lifting weights, cardio on the other hand ...
> 
> If I want to drop from 215 to 195, I need to do cardio. Unfortunately. I've been humming and hawing over getting into jump rope.


Do 20 minutes on the heavy bag and 20 on the speed bag then 20 on the rope and you will get all the cardio you need with out the running. I hate running and jogging with a passion and need to do something different also.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript
This is for you, for me, and anyone else who might find it useful 

How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are) | Thought Catalog


----------



## Another Planet

Hell yeah NE, that was a good one! high five!

Funny cause I came to post this article about jealousy...
Two Simple Truths to Beat Jealousy -


----------



## ne9907

When is a good time for your SO to meet some of your family members? Not mom and dad, but siblings, etc?


----------



## Ynot

06Daddio08 said:


> Running and cardio ... suck. I have no problem reaching the point of wanting to puke lifting weights, cardio on the other hand ...
> 
> If I want to drop from 215 to 195, I need to do cardio. Unfortunately. I've been humming and hawing over getting into jump rope.


There are many different options other than running when it comes to cardio. I find running to be boring. I do a couple of spinning classes in the course of a week. I lost about 35 pounds altogether. Last week I got below 190 pounds for the first time in probably 35 years. I used to weigh about 235, but then lost ten to fifteen pounds by cutting out carbs. I stabilized around 225. Over the past five months I have dropped the remaining 35 pounds with a combo of eating better, weight training, spinning and yoga. Both the spinning and yoga are great substitutes for weight training. So it really doesn't take any more time to fit them in, than if you are weight training.


----------



## Another Planet

I'm all for weight training. The more muscle you have the more calories you can burn! 
Seriously it has been proven, you even burn a ton more calories at rest too not just while working out. 
I always compared it to like a modified car to go faster. Yeah it goes faster but it burns more gas to!

WTH is spinning by the way?


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> When is a good time for your SO to meet some of your family members? Not mom and dad, but siblings, etc?


I don't think there is an timeline. It's really up to the situation...just not right away like in the first couple weeks is a no no lol


----------



## Another Planet

32 "Nice" Guys Who Need To Be Stopped Immediately - Gallery

OMG this made me cringe lol it reminds me of those couple women from Match who got pissed at me for not talking to them or giving them all my attention...yikes...dating had its face palm moments


----------



## RandomDude

Hopefully this week would yield a more romantic mood for FWB and I, need to promote her to GF status! Bah! Stupid terror attack.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> I'm all for weight training. The more muscle you have the more calories you can burn!
> Seriously it has been proven, you even burn a ton more calories at rest too not just while working out.
> I always compared it to like a modified car to go faster. Yeah it goes faster but it burns more gas to!
> 
> WTH is spinning by the way?


Especially lower body weight training! It's all about the squats. (Not to mention that it's great for one's ass...  )

Spinning is high-speed cycling set to music. You've seen those rooms in the gyms, with all the bikes? That's a spin room. They are specialty bikes with weighted wheels, and the class uses HIIT-style pacing.

Indoor cycling - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> 32 "Nice" Guys Who Need To Be Stopped Immediately - Gallery
> 
> OMG this made me cringe lol it reminds me of those couple women from Match who got pissed at me for not talking to them or giving them all my attention...yikes...dating had its face palm moments


Cringe-inducing is right! 

Especially slide 28... he needs to look in a mirror and get some perspective. :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Hopefully this week would yield a more romantic mood for FWB and I, need to promote her to GF status! Bah! Stupid terror attack.


RD, you'll do fine... she might even be anticipating that this is coming. Don't overthink it, it's all gonna be ok. :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I think I have to end it with OKC Guy... he's pushing for exclusive already, and I'm starting to feel really claustrophobic with him. The lengthy, nightly chats are just too much... this week, I was out on Wednesday and Thursday night, and when I responded to his initial message (because I have Gchat on my phone) that I was out, he couldn't just say, "Have a nice night, ttyl." He continued to message me throughout on Wednesday. I delayed my responses, but I made the error of responding, which just encouraged him... Thursday night, I intentionally didn't respond, because I was out on a date with another guy. Last night, I wasn't out, but I had been doing social stuff all day, and I just needed some quiet, so I didn't respond at all when he messaged me... I waited until I knew he had gone to bed, and then I messaged him and said that I had been out.

It's just all too intense, and it's been really time consuming and taxing on my energy levels. And it feels like he's more interested in getting to fvck me again than he is in just getting together and being with me, and it seems like that has to be on his time frame, and not mine. He wants to lock me down, but I'm not getting what I need/want out of this. 

Not to mention the scent issue, and the fact that the sex was mediocre... and that I didn't feel a spark when we were together. 

:/

EDIT: He just messaged me (8:45 pm) and I told him that I wouldn't have time to chat because I have some work stuff I need to do (all true), and he seemed OK with it... maybe I just need to TAKE the time that I need for myself, rather than assuming that he should just know and give it to me.


----------



## Ynot

FeministInPink said:


> Especially lower body weight training! It's all about the squats. (Not to mention that it's great for one's ass...  )
> 
> Spinning is high-speed cycling set to music. You've seen those rooms in the gyms, with all the bikes? That's a spin room. They are specialty bikes with weighted wheels, and the class uses HIIT-style pacing.
> 
> Indoor cycling - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


That is correct and when spinning is done properly it mimics a lot of the natural movements of the leg. With enough resistance it can replace some weight training. Not to mention it is also great for one's ass.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Wait ... replace weightlifting?

Never!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD, you'll do fine... she might even be anticipating that this is coming. Don't overthink it, it's all gonna be ok. :smthumbup:


Ey? But it has to be magical no? Like a first kiss 

She has been very suggestive as of late as to a relationship, but I haven't been reciprocating her emotional advances, but nor am I rejecting them. She be confused, poor thing


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ey? But it has to be magical no? Like a first kiss
> 
> She has been very suggestive as of late as to a relationship, but I haven't been reciprocating her emotional advances, but nor am I rejecting them. She be confused, poor thing


Don't worry about making it magical, it's not like you're proposing to her! Just tell her how you feel and tell her that you've come to see her as more that a FWB, and that you want to "officially" be more than FWBs. That will make it magical enough.

I mean, you can take her out for a nice dinner, or get some candles or whatever, if you think that will make it more romantic, but I don't think it's necessary. Opening yourself up to emotional intimacy with another person is pretty damn magical all on its own.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Don't worry about making it magical, it's not like you're proposing to her! Just tell her how you feel and tell her that you've come to see her as more that a FWB, and that you want to "officially" be more than FWBs. That will make it magical enough.
> 
> I mean, you can take her out for a nice dinner, or get some candles or whatever, if you think that will make it more romantic, but I don't think it's necessary. Opening yourself up to emotional intimacy with another person is pretty damn magical all on its own.


Ey? But no magic isn't much fun 
And a dinner? Nah that's too typical! hehe

As for necessary? lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUFQ2ECfPOw


Besides I'm sure you'd rather a man sweep you off your feet rather than a boring admission of feelings no?


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> Lifescript
> This is for you, for me, and anyone else who might find it useful
> 
> How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are) | Thought Catalog


Ne9907, 

Thanks for the link to this article. It was very timely. 

Date yourself ... it's recommended here and in countless articles I've read. But I find it so hard to go out alone. I've done. Went to a concert by myself this past summer and had a blast. Have also go be out to the movies alone. I fail at making new acquaintances though. 

I'm now looking into going to the art museum by myself. Been wanting to do that for a while.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ey? But no magic isn't much fun
> And a dinner? Nah that's too typical! hehe
> 
> Besides I'm sure you'd rather a man sweep you off your feet rather than a boring admission of feelings no?


I am reminded of a line from _Into the Woods_, one of my favorite musicals of all time. It's an amalgam of several of the most famous fairy tales, woven together (since they have many characters in common). The first act are the fairy tales as we commonly know them, ending with happily ever after; the second act is about what happens after the fairy tale is over, and shows how complicated life is and how people can disappoint.

In the second act, Cinderella is disillusioned and unhappy because Prince Charming has proven to be unfaithful on multiple times, and she finally confronts him about it.


*Cinderella's Prince: *My love, why so cold?
*Cinderella: *Maybe it's because I am not your only love. Am I?
*Cinderella's Prince: *_(beat)_ I love you. I do.(pause)But yes, it's true.
*Cinderella: *Why, if you love me, would you have strayed?
*Cinderella's Prince: *I thought if you were mine, that I could not wish for more. And part of me is content and as happy as I have ever been. But there remains a part that continually needs more.
*Cinderella: *I have, on occasion, wanted more. But that doesn't mean I went in search of it. If this is how you behave as a Prince, what kind of King will you be?
*Cinderella's Prince: *I was raised to be charming, not sincere. I didn't ask to be born a king, and I'm not perfect. I am only human.
*Cinderella: *_(after a pause)_ I think you should go.
*Cinderella's Prince: *Leave? But I do love you.
*Cinderella: *Consider that I have been lost. A victim of the Giant.
*Cinderella's Prince: *Is that what you really wish?
*Cinderella: *My father's house was a nightmare. Your house was a dream. Now I want something in between. Please go.
*Cinderella's Prince: *_(Begins to exit and stops)_ I shall always love the maiden that ran away.
*Cinderella: *And I the faraway Prince.​
Act I Cinderella was young and naive, thinking that his charm and sweeping of her feet meant sincerity, but it really wasn't, and sincerity was what she craved. Now, in Act II, she knows better.

Not all women are looking to be swept off their feet. Some women, like Cinderella from Act II, know better than to think that charming equals sincerity. 

Personally, give me sincere over charming any day... to me, sincerity is more important than making a lavish display or sweeping a woman off her feet.

You know FWB pretty well by now... what would she prefer? What would her "personally" statement be? Not based on what you may think that all women want as a sweeping generalization, but what would *she* want? And what is your personal style? It sounds like you might feel uncomfortable trying to be sweeping...

This is why I cringe when I see some of these over-the-top, public proposal videos, especially when the woman is cringing and clearly embarrassed, because the man didn't consider how she personally would like to be proposed to. He just assumed that she would want a big show, because he thinks that's what every woman wants--he didn't stop to think about what *she* would want.


----------



## RandomDude

Interesting response, I can see where you are coming from.

Not to worry though, I won't be flying and writing her name in the sky anytime soon  Romance has to be proportional after all, besides - that too - isn't my style. Nor am I a flower/roses kinda guy... 

We've been on the momentum since our vacation together, and already shared several magical moments. It's those moments I'm waiting for before I make it official, so nothing over the top 

However, instead of just going up to her and saying "oh by the way, let's go steady", I'd rather wait until the best opportune moment to suggest a relationship. You get what I mean? That's my style anyway.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Interesting response, I can see where you are coming from.
> 
> Not to worry though, I won't be flying and writing her name in the sky anytime soon  Romance has to be proportional after all, besides - that too - isn't my style. Nor am I a flower/roses kinda guy...
> 
> We've been on the momentum since our vacation together, and already shared several magical moments. It's those moments I'm waiting for before I make it official, so nothing over the top
> 
> However, instead of just going up to her and saying "oh by the way, let's go steady", I'd rather wait until the best opportune moment to suggest a relationship. You get what I mean? That's my style anyway.


I think that sounds like a good plan


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I think that sounds like a good plan


Thanks 
That's how I sweep ladies off their feet anyway 

Maybe "romantic" is a bad term to describe my style... maybe errr... "smooth" lol... BAH makes me sound like a player


----------



## Lifescript

Co - worker and I exchanged texts this weekend. Agreed to not see each other outside of work. Honestly, I was feeling meh about it. But then she said some things that disqualified completely in my eyes. She may have said it to make it easier for me to go limited contact or maybe she is really this way deep down which is something that I don't like at all. 

Basically she said our world's are too different ... that I have a son who's my priority and I'm attached to this place, this city. She on the other hand can pick up and leave to wherever she wants. Both things are true. So ...? 

Then she said she has expensive taste and goes to expensive places. Her ex - bf or bf not sure makes real good money working in wall street and I guess she is used to that lavish lifestyle. I'm not in a position to give her that life and I don't believe in spending a ton of money to impress women. 

So basically that did it for me. Told her to stay with the bf who doesn't spend time with her or respects her but hey ... He has a ton of money and takes you to first class restaurants. 

That was an eye opener. 

Unfortunately so far my experience with girls have been so bad that I sometimes find myself thinking that with all her flaws ... my ex wasn't the worst apple out there. 

Oh well ... moving on.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Still have lots to learn, it's a good thing she's so pretty though! Right?


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey she sounds like she might enjoy her life as what is essentially a hooker, best that one go darling


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Co - worker and I exchanged texts this weekend. Agreed to not see each other outside of work. Honestly, I was feeling meh about it. But then she said some things that disqualified completely in my eyes. She may have said it to make it easier for me to go limited contact or maybe she is really this way deep down which is something that I don't like at all.
> 
> Basically she said our world's are too different ... that I have a son who's my priority and I'm attached to this place, this city. She on the other hand can pick up and leave to wherever she wants. Both things are true. So ...?
> 
> Then she said she has expensive taste and goes to expensive places. Her ex - bf or bf not sure makes real good money working in wall street and I guess she is used to that lavish lifestyle. I'm not in a position to give her that life and I don't believe in spending a ton of money to impress women.
> 
> So basically that did it for me. Told her to stay with the bf who doesn't spend time with her or respects her but hey ... He has a ton of money and takes you to first class restaurants.
> 
> That was an eye opener.
> 
> *Unfortunately so far my experience with girls have been so bad that I sometimes find myself thinking that with all her flaws ... my ex wasn't the worst apple out there. *
> 
> Oh well ... moving on.


There are always worse apples out there, but that doesn't make our exes good apples! :rofl:

You'll get better at noticing the red flags/bad apples earlier, as long as you keep focusing on growing and improving yourself. It's a two-pronged approach: focus on fixing your own issues/red flags, and learn how best to avoid them in others. The healthier you are, the more likely you are to attract the healthy women; the better you get at recognizing red flags, the less time you'll spend on toxic women and you'll be more available and open to the good apples. It may mean some time alone, and that's OK. In fact, it's good. Some people are afraid to be alone because they don't like themselves--they literally can't stand their own company--and can only be happy when with someone else. Don't be that person. Be happy alone and love yourself. 

OK, so that may have sounded a little preachy... sorry about that, just trying to be supportive!


----------



## FeministInPink

Dollystanford said:


> Hey she sounds like she might enjoy her life as what is essentially a hooker, best that one go darling


:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

You will be fine Lifescript
She has given you a great gift by showing how she really is. 
Beauty fades, have a few flings, you will be fine!

I feel blah this morning. Maybe I am bipolar (not kidding)
I was on such a high all last week and today I feel inconsolable. Nothing changed.


----------



## Lifescript

Great points FIP and ne,

I've come a long way but still have work to do. I'm ok being alone (don't feel as lonely) as before. There were days when I felt I was getting depressed. 

I'll focus on me and continue doing stuff I like to do and let things fall where they may.


----------



## ne9907

Well I have the flu!
No wonder I feel like a weeks old garbage.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Well I have the flu!
> No wonder I feel like a weeks old garbage.


Oh no! Take very good care of yourself. There is nasty stuff going around everywhere this year!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hey guys...My mom passed away unexpectedly Saturday night. Just wanted to share.


----------



## Jellybeans

So sorry for your loss, 3X. Sending you a big warm hug. I hope during this sad time that you are comforted by all the happy moments you got to spend with her. 

Feel better, Ne.


----------



## Lon

3x, I'm so sorry to hear, my condolences, I hope you are doing OK. Take care of yourself, my prayers are with you.


----------



## FeministInPink

So sorry to hear that 3x. Thinking about you and sending loving thoughts your way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

I'm so very sorry for your loss, 3x. Will hold you and your family in my thoughts. Peace.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey guys...My mom passed away unexpectedly Saturday night. Just wanted to share.



Oh, 3x. I'm so sorry to hear this. I know this will be a hard time for you. Know that you are our thoughts.


----------



## ne9907

I am so sorry for your loss 3x, prayers to you and the rest of your family.


----------



## Lifescript

I'm sorry for your loss 3X.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Thanks everyone. I am doing better than I had expected to be at this point. We have her memorial service on Saturday, so are trying to get some things together for that. (she was cremated, so no yucky visitations) 

This whole thing has me feeling extremely single and very alone. I am the only single in the family, everyone else has support at home. I have been getting a lot of encouragement from friends on Facebook with people posting and sending messages. Lots of folks texting and calling as well, and it really does help, I am very grateful for everyone. We are doing our usual Christmas eve tomorrow, it will be good for us all to be together.


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey guys...My mom passed away unexpectedly Saturday night. Just wanted to share.


Ouch... =/
My condolences


----------



## bravenewworld

3X my thoughts and prayers are with you. So sorry for your loss.


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey guys...My mom passed away unexpectedly Saturday night. Just wanted to share.



Sorry to hear... Sending you blessings of Aloha.


----------



## Fenix

Oh 3x, so sorry to hear about your mom. *hugs*


----------



## FeministInPink

A belated happy holidays to all my friends on Singles of TAM, and Happy New Year! I hope that 2015 will bring you all health, wealth, happiness... and lots of sex!

:smthumbup:

OK, maybe that's not want y'all want, but that's what I want from 2015.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Wow, its like crickets in here....LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

Too busy being in a slight self pity stage to do much of anything but sleep


----------



## TooNice

I'm with Vi-I am waffling between self pity when I'm alone, and soaking in every precious minute with my son when he's at my house.

Glad that first Thanksgiving/Christmas is over, though. I'm very much looking forward to NYE and all of the symbolic fresh start stuff that it brings.

I may have to find a random stranger to kiss at midnight, tho...


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> Too busy being in a slight self pity stage to do much of anything but sleep


Feeling similarly. Slowly emerging from a holiday junk food haze - this past week I've eaten whatever the hell I wanted and it's interesting just how craptastic I feel after letting my taste buds dictate my diet. 

Some of it, I'm certain, is emotional eating and self soothing. Oh well, still better than my last holiday experience. 



TooNice said:


> Glad that first Thanksgiving/Christmas is over, though. I'm very much looking forward to NYE and all of the symbolic fresh start stuff that it brings.
> 
> I may have to find a random stranger to kiss at midnight, tho...


This exactly. Including the kissing a stranger part.


----------



## TooNice

I haven't been out on NYE in 15 years. I can't recall the last time I was out and single.

Is it socially acceptable to grab a random person to kiss at midnight? ;-)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Too busy being in a slight self pity stage to do much of anything but sleep


Oh, I can sooo relate to this. This last week has been a slow, slow hell, and sleep is the best because then I cannot think.


----------



## vi_bride04

I sleep to dream so I can figure out my feelings. But waking hours are just........ Blah. And no sun/gray skies just add more blah-ness

Can't even imagine what you are going through, 3x. Hang in there.


----------



## TooNice

Hugs to you 3x.


----------



## Lone Shadow

bravenewworld said:


> This exactly. Including the kissing a stranger part.


As far as that goes, I'm available to be kissed by random females. I'm going to be in bed before midnight though, so you'll have to wake me up. I have to work NY Day, and 0300 comes early.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I haven't been out on NYE in 15 years. I can't recall the last time I was out and single.
> 
> Is it socially acceptable to grab a random person to kiss at midnight? ;-)


Last year was my first NYE single. I didn't really know what to do with myself and had no invites, so I went to one of those big galas, with a new friend who was finalizing her divorce. The friend was fun, but other than that the night was pretty lame, and I was super bummed about being newly divorced and single BECAUSE I didn't have anyone to kiss. And the bar lines were insanely long, and the dance floor was way too crowded.

So... my conclusion is that the first NYE out sucks monkey butt.

This year, I had a ton of invites to go do a hundred different things. So I'm driving a few hours south to hang with a friend who recently moved back to the area after a few years in NOLA. We're having a pajama party, just her and me. We're going to have pizza, bake cookies, get drunk, laugh, and watch the ball drop on the TV.

Basically, I'm single and I have no one to kiss, but I don't care because I'm happy and I'm enjoying my life. I'm just going to have fun.

And you should, too. Have fun! Though I wouldn't recommend grabbing a random woman to kiss. That might not turn out well.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> This year, I had a ton of invites to go do a hundred different things. So I'm driving a few hours south to hang with a friend who recently moved back to the area after a few years in NOLA. We're having a pajama party, just her and me. We're going to have pizza, bake cookies, get drunk, laugh, and watch the ball drop on the TV.


See this sounds PERFECT to me! I dont care for going out on NYE. To me the whole thing is just not a big deal. That being said, however, I really dont want to spend it ALONE...again...


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Feeling similarly. Slowly emerging from a holiday junk food haze - this past week I've eaten whatever the hell I wanted and it's interesting just how craptastic I feel after letting my taste buds dictate my diet.
> 
> Some of it, I'm certain, is emotional eating and self soothing. Oh well, still better than my last holiday experience.


I'm recovering from an emotionally stressful several days with the family... as I grown and heal, I'm becoming more observant and aware of others around me. And part of that is seeing just how dysfunctional my family is... not just my mother, though she is still clearly the worst offender. Most of it I can observe with bemused detachment... until my sister accuses me of being cold-hearted when I stand up for myself (instead of letting someone guilt-trip me into something I don't want to do).

^^^ This is actually the sort of thing that makes me wish I wasn't single. It would be nice to have someone with me in these sort of situations, someone to say, "You handled that well" or "Yeah, that was a pretty crazy thing, you're not over-reacting" or to just hug me when the family sh!t is overwhelming.

Or better yet, a partner whose family is less crazy than mine, so we can go there instead.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> See this sounds PERFECT to me! I dont care for going out on NYE. To me the whole thing is just not a big deal. That being said, however, I really dont want to spend it ALONE...again...


I like going out, but I prefer going somewhere low-key. Preferably with karaoke and no cover charge  I had two options like that this year, but my friend had already invited me, and I haven't seen her since my birthday in May... she was super supportive during the separation/divorce. No way I was going to bail on her. Plus, she's awesome!

3x, do you have any single friends who might like to have a pajama party? It's not too late!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> 3x, do you have any single friends who might like to have a pajama party? It's not too late!


Meh, I really dont, unfortunately! I really only have two single friends right now, one who doesnt like to do much, and the other one already made plans, lol. 

This whole last week I have hated being single. I am the only single in the family, everyone else has support at home. I was driving home from the hospital just this past Sunday night, after we had to admit my stepfather, desperately wishing I had someone and finding myself actually saying those four dreaded words: I need a man! I wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in someone's lap and cry and gripe.


----------



## Another Planet

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey guys...My mom passed away unexpectedly Saturday night. Just wanted to share.


So sorry 3X


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Meh, I really dont, unfortunately! I really only have two single friends right now, one who doesnt like to do much, and the other one already made plans, lol.
> 
> This whole last week I have hated being single. I am the only single in the family, everyone else has support at home. I was driving home from the hospital just this past Sunday night, after we had to admit my stepfather, desperately wishing I had someone and finding myself actually saying those four dreaded words: I need a man! I wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in someone's lap and cry and gripe.


The one who doesn't like to do much might be the perfect candidate for a pajama party 

Lack of support IS one of the big drawbacks of single. (From my perspective, I never got much support whilst single, so not much difference there...) I have no good solution for that one. I'm sorry that no one else in your family has stepped up to the plate for you during this time. I don't think that people who are paired up realize how important that benefit is, and so they don't understand that the singles need emotional support, too.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Well, my family isnt being unsupportive, in fact my step brother has been awesome. It just isnt the same emotional support you get with a partner.


----------



## Another Planet

Crazy busy holidays here, barely time to keep up with everything. Last of the family that was staying with me just left this AM now I feel kind of alone and empty now that I don't have much to do...think I'm going to have some drinks tonight...

So I actually came to vent a moment about involved life and something I am coming to hate. 
This afternoon my GF had to bring her kids to their dads to pick up xmas presents. I feel very uncomfortable about it. I honestly have no reason to be they are not very fond of each other and it is suppose to be quick...whatever...
But anyway I am pretty sure why at least on the surface. I have been involved in so many bad situations myself that I am not surprised by any thing and it is seriously affecting my trust. This is not the first time I feel anxious often for no reason other then my mind can fill in the blanks from experience. I am starting to feel I will never be able to feel normal in a relationship and not relive my past over and over. It is so bad I don't even want to be in a relationship and just want to be alone.

So there ya go folks, just another reason to never mess around...once you know the other side to my extent it's hard to be naive about it not happening to you...karma maybe?

It will pass, it always does I just have grown tired of it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hey AP, sounds like you're projecting a bit. If your girlfriend doesn't give you any reason not to trust her, I say trust her. When it comes to exes, we're all (divorced parents) pretty much going to be finding someone who has kids from a previous relationship or marriage.

It comes with the territory, what is there to be anxious about?


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> Well, my family isnt being unsupportive, in fact my step brother has been awesome. It just isnt the same emotional support you get with a partner.


I'm sorry for your loss Charm, it's not easy (lost my father when I was 21). No doubt not having someone to lean on, such as a SO, makes it more difficult but just remember ... not everyone who's in a relationship or marriage 'gets' that support just because they happen to be with someone at a time of loss.

Sure, that sounds a bit negative but it's a reality. Even if you were with someone, they might not even be able to supply that support you need and in the end that comes down to you. Relationship or not. 

It's hard but you'll get through it. Time can be a magical thing.


----------



## Another Planet

06Daddio08 said:


> Hey AP, sounds like you're projecting a bit. If your girlfriend doesn't give you any reason not to trust her, I say trust her. When it comes to exes, we're all (divorced parents) pretty much going to be finding someone who has kids from a previous relationship or marriage.
> 
> It comes with the territory, what is there to be anxious about?


Yeah I am pretty sure of that. Problem is I get confused with reality when I start relating my present with my past experiences...I get into my mind and it makes me just want to run away from commitment.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I am pretty sure of that. Problem is I get confused with reality when I start relating my present with my past experiences...I get into my mind and it makes me just want to run away from commitment.


Fact is, none of us are immune to getting hurt but by living in fear of that, it limits us from accepting good things when they're presented. 

In a way, it's a form of insanity. If you allow it to be. I get what you're saying though, I've felt what you're describing and it had me stopped in my tracks for a while.

If you're getting tired of it, stop doing it. 

Much easier said than done, I know.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Yeah I am pretty sure of that. Problem is I get confused with reality when I start relating my present with my past experiences...I get into my mind and it makes me just want to run away from commitment.


Resilience. We must be resilient. I understand your situation. Recent events have showed just how afraid I am of commitment. I am also extremely jealous..... Like super jealous... I do not remember ever being this jealous (insecurities).



06Daddio08 said:


> Fact is, none of us are immune to getting hurt but by living in fear of that, it limits us from accepting good things when they're presented.
> 
> In a way, it's a form of insanity. If you allow it to be. I get what you're saying though, I've felt what you're describing and* it had me stopped in my tracks for a while.*
> 
> If you're getting tired of it, stop doing it.
> 
> Much easier said than done, I know.


:iagree:


I want to do that. Things with Navy have been going well, and now I want to ruin things. I want to either run at 100 mph and act like a crazy girlfriend (so he gets scared and runs away) or I want to shut myself from him. 
I have stayed cool.... it is exhausting...it is scary... he actually invited me to go on a mini camping vacation with him. I feel he is going too fast.... which is ridiculous because we are both busy with our schedules and see each other maybe once every two weeks. The last time I went to his place, I brought him a bottle of wine to share. He got me a bottle of wine for Christmas and I freaked out... I do like him. 
The pace we are going was fine for me, but I would like for him NOT to make plans about our future. 
WHy?? I would end up being disappointed. 
However, Ihave decided to let things just fall as they must, I cannot control how events unfold.

Enough rambling.


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## RandomDude

Well folks, FWB and I still not official yet, I'm timing it for New Years in a few hours hehe, teasing, flirting and playfully suggesting last few days in the meantime creating romantic tension. Poor girl, don't know how much more she can take before she either throws herself at me or gives up.


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## 06Daddio08

I hope everyone has a good and safe New Years!! I'll be partying it up at a social and we have the entire Social Crew coming out (22 of us)!

Good chance I won't be good .. or safe tonight. :FIREdevil:


----------



## moxy

I have plans with family for NYE but I two of the guys I've been chatting with (from Tinder) did seem to want to get together tonight. I'd like to go out and have fun, but I'm feeling anxiety about it. Guard guy is sending mixed messages and I can't tell if he wants to get to know me or to hook up with me; we seem to have really bad timing because our schedules never match up. Translator guy seemed all kinds of into me until the weird drunken booty call; now he seems confusing. He texts me and calls now and again to see how I am and stuff, implies he wants to hang out, but he hasn't suggested anything specific. I may call him and ask him out, myself, but I'm not sure how I feel about him now. I guess it's okay to just date without being attached; I'm just...more used to relationships than more open ended dating, so I am never sure what is expected of me. I'm a bit wiped out by my cousin's wedding and I have one more next week, so I'm not pushing these plans or lack thereof. If one of these people is really into me, it will be apparent, or I'll meet someone else.


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## RandomDude

Happy New Year guys and gals!

Started the new year with a new relationship, and now that we're official I just realised I immediately regret it. I fear what will change now that we're BF/GF now not just FWBs, I hope we continue at this steady pace, no faster.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well...

Sad to report that no random young nubile snuck into my room last night to wake me up for a kiss. C`est la vie.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Same here LS. Dang it!


----------



## TooNice

Didn't find any random guy for that midnight kiss, but I did have a great time dancing with some cute young strangers and flirting shamelessly with our waiter, so there was that.  

Happy New Year, everyone!


----------



## Healer

I'm feeling smothered. Malta wants to spend everyday together and it's too much. I'm also tapped out sexually right now, too. 3, sometimes 4 times a day. At 39, I can't keep "up" with that, honestly. I could at first, but not now, especially as I'm disconnecting some due to feeling overwhelmed. 

Problem is she's going through a rough time. She just moved from her apartment into a basement suite (she quit her night job) and is having a hard time dealing. She's leaning on me and wanting to be around me all the time. 

I'm really, really bad at dealing with this and I don't know how to. I know it's going to crush her and she'll get super emotional if I say I need to back off. And then there's the whole "I don't want more kids and to travel the world" discussion we need to have.

I do like her, but I need more space. I admit it - I'm a ***** when it comes to dealing with this and hurting people. I'm so afraid of causing pain, especially because she's in such a fragile, emotional space right now.

And to top things off, she was on with her mom on Skype today (she's in Malta) and asked me to talk to her. I resisted at first and she kinda got upset, so I relented. So I "met" her mom today. 

I've really got myself in deep here. Honestly I just want to be alone right now. ****.


----------



## vi_bride04

You can't be afraid of her emotional reactions when you put up personal boundaries. If someone doesn't like or respect what you need to feel comfortable, well, maybe they shouldn't be in your life. 

It almost sounds like you are walking on egg shells already and that's a huge red flag. 

Good luck with the talk


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> You can't be afraid of her emotional reactions when you put up personal boundaries. If someone doesn't like or respect what you need to feel comfortable, well, maybe they shouldn't be in your life.
> 
> It almost sounds like you are walking on egg shells already and that's a huge red flag.
> 
> Good luck with the talk


OMG you're TOTALLY right. I never looked at it that way, and yes, I'm walking on egg shells. Thank you for that.

I'm repeating my bad patterns. Dammit.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> I'm feeling smothered. Malta wants to spend everyday together and it's too much. I'm also tapped out sexually right now, too. 3, sometimes 4 times a day. At 39, I can't keep "up" with that, honestly. I could at first, but not now, especially as I'm disconnecting some due to feeling overwhelmed.
> 
> Problem is she's going through a rough time. She just moved from her apartment into a basement suite (she quit her night job) and is having a hard time dealing. She's leaning on me and wanting to be around me all the time.
> 
> I'm really, really bad at dealing with this and I don't know how to. I know it's going to crush her and she'll get super emotional if I say I need to back off. And then there's the whole "I don't want more kids and to travel the world" discussion we need to have.
> 
> I do like her, but I need more space. I admit it - I'm a ***** when it comes to dealing with this and hurting people. I'm so afraid of causing pain, especially because she's in such a fragile, emotional space right now.
> 
> And to top things off, she was on with her mom on Skype today (she's in Malta) and asked me to talk to her. I resisted at first and she kinda got upset, so I relented. So I "met" her mom today.
> 
> I've really got myself in deep here. Honestly I just want to be alone right now. ****.


It sounds as if you have a very insecure girlfriend who needs you to validate her own feelings. If you do not like this, stop being her Knight in Shining Armor.

Remember, healthy people do not need a person to be in their lives to be happy, they just want these people.

Btw, I have occasionally thought that you need tobe careful with Malta, she sounds like the kind of woman who would get pregnant to "trap" you.


----------



## moxy

Healer, you and Malta want different things. The kid thing is a big deal. Let her go now before she gets even more attached -- unless you see this going somewhere.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer, I'm an agreement with Moxy and Vi. This clearly isn't right for you, and there are red flags all over the place... you need to end it.

I know you don't want to hurt her feelings, but it isn't fair keeping her in a relationship where HER needs won't be met either. Let her go so she can find the person who's right for her. It's misleading and dishonest to continue this relationship just because you're being chickensh!t about hurting her feelings. Rip off the bandaid already.


----------



## Healer

I'm going to do it. I know it's inevitable. Couple questions. She's in a rough patch right now and just moved into a basement suite Jan 1. She's not happy about it. Some advice I've read says not to break things off when someone is dealing with other **** - but dragging it out seems dishonest too. Sooner the better? Never a good time to break up, I know. But she's all emotional and sad right now. But I should do it anyway, yes?

And, the actual act itself. The children thing is huge. Do I start off with that, like, "I've been thinking about what you asked me a while back, about kids, and I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids"...and then see what she says? Or lead with "I don't think this is going to work, and here's why"? The 2 other biggies are, I don't want to (and can't) travel the world, and I'm just not ready for a long term, full on relationship right now. 

I don't want to give her the chance to fool herself into thinking she can give up kids (not that she would, but who knows?)...I know she does. And should I do it at her place? I'm going over there tomorrow. I'm thinking a public place is too...public. 

Anyway, I know what I have to do. I just don't know the best way to do it, advice appreciated.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> I'm going to do it. I know it's inevitable. Couple questions. She's in a rough patch right now and just moved into a basement suite Jan 1. She's not happy about it. Some advice I've read says not to break things off when someone is dealing with other **** - but dragging it out seems dishonest too. Sooner the better? Never a good time to break up, I know. But she's all emotional and sad right now. But I should do it anyway, yes?
> 
> And, the actual act itself. The children thing is huge. Do I start off with that, like, "I've been thinking about what you asked me a while back, about kids, and I've decided I definitely don't want anymore kids"...and then see what she says? Or lead with "I don't think this is going to work, and here's why"? The 2 other biggies are, I don't want to (and can't) travel the world, and I'm just not ready for a long term, full on relationship right now.
> 
> I don't want to give her the chance to fool herself into thinking she can give up kids (not that she would, but who knows?)...I know she does. And should I do it at her place? I'm going over there tomorrow. I'm thinking a public place is too...public.
> 
> Anyway, I know what I have to do. I just don't know the best way to do it, advice appreciated.


No, dont start out with the kid issue. Just give an explanation as to why this isnt working for you. Do her a favor and try to be specific...when we arent given details about what is going on to make you want to end things, it makes it really hard to have closure and move on. (maybe thats just me, and what I have been dealing with...but anyway...) Letting her know the truth can only help her in the future.


----------



## RandomDude

Whao, stage 5 clinger eh? Ack! RUN!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Whao, stage 5 clinger eh? Ack! RUN!


Are you saying that Malta is a stage 5? I don't think that Malta is a stage 5, so much that she thinks the relationship is on track, and wants to continue to move forward, while Healer doesn't feel the same... if Healer felt the same as Malta, she wouldn't seem like a clinger.


----------



## RandomDude

I was exaggerating  

Still, I'm not so sure if I can handle so much smothering. Even on new years I got paranoid straight after GF and I became "official", with all her happy smothering... heck I probably just got paranoid because my feelings for her aren't very strong - like Healer maybe?

I'm giving it time to see if she will continue to grow on me, maybe Healer should do the same instead of just cutting things short? Right now she just needs comfort and he just needs some space. If they are going to let this temporary mismatch of needs dictate the fate of their relationship then... meh

But I dunno, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing in my own life, promoting a FWB to GF status. Thankfully so far our lifestyle and expectations haven't changed, she's very clever not to impose, and knows me better than I expected.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RD, just relax! Keep things going just as they were, things between you dont really need to change just because you became "official". Stop panicking, lol! This is a GOOD thing you have gotten into, here!

Oh, I was thinking the same thing about Healer and Malta...until I remembered the whole future children thing. That will eventually be a dealbreaker...less heartache to end things early in.


----------



## RandomDude

Decisions about children change as people grow, as such I wouldn't consider it a dealbreaker by itself... but that's just me - knowing I changed as well.

GF and I are cool, I just fear if my feelings for her don't grow, and may end up breaking her heart. But not to worry - as these doubts are tempered by the fact that our lifestyle together hasn't really changed. If anything it's more fun really. We're good 

I was prepared for a bait and switch but so far so good. She's still the same woman as before, just more glowy - which is cute.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Does anyone remember my boyfriend who had the brain hemorrhage in spring 2012? 

His sister no longer has guardianship of him; he called me on New Year's unexpectedly and I drove over to his place and went to lunch today. 

He lost all memory of the details of our (intimate) relationship and of course cannot remember the hospital stay (3 months and I was there every day, it's an hour away at best, on the highway, 80 mph with no traffic) or the first rehab facility (2 months and I made it as often as I could/was allowed to). After that his sister unexpectedly moved him about 4-5 hours away to another rehab facility closer to her and then he lived with her for a while. She was against me seeing him, for whatever reason, although the rehab staff had decided it was in his best interest and she said at the guardianship hearing I could see him. It turns out she had some kind of mental disorder going on, a panic thing that made her paranoid and vicious. She did not know me at all before I met her in the neuro icu waiting room, my boyfriend was not at all close to her. (She has toned down a bit I think, from what I heard today although if I never see her again that will be fine by me.) 

My attorney told me to let it go at that point, try to move on. 

So today at lunch, he asked me why I was still single after almost three years. Obviously I failed (at moving on). I could not believe that he would not get better and look for me. 

I am not on TAM any more but I check into this one forum sometimes to see how people are getting along. I think there are maybe a couple people who remember what happened. 

Odd, I was just going to go to therapy to see if it could help me get unstuck. I've had a physical revulsion to any guy I've tried to date since then (there weren't many who even made it that far). I didn't want to get attached to anyone, so I sort of shut myself down and have been living in my little cone of silence, emotionally cut off from anyone except my kids and a couple friends I see occasionally, like every few months. 

Now I just feel like I want to puke. I am so used to feeling alone and slightly despondent and defiant and willful/stubborn in my belief that the phone would ring one day that now I'm not used to any other feeling and my brain is confused.


----------



## Lon

Hey HNU, sorry if you are feeling stuck (are you even certain that's what it is? Or maybe it's just taken this much time to re-establish and indulge in your own comfort zone?)

So any clue at all what you do next in life?


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Does anyone remember my boyfriend who had the brain hemorrhage in spring 2012?
> 
> His sister no longer has guardianship of him; he called me on New Year's unexpectedly and I drove over to his place and went to lunch today.
> 
> He lost all memory of the details of our (intimate) relationship and of course cannot remember the hospital stay (3 months and I was there every day, it's an hour away at best, on the highway, 80 mph with no traffic) or the first rehab facility (2 months and I made it as often as I could/was allowed to). After that his sister unexpectedly moved him about 4-5 hours away to another rehab facility closer to her and then he lived with her for a while. She was against me seeing him, for whatever reason, although the rehab staff had decided it was in his best interest and she said at the guardianship hearing I could see him. It turns out she had some kind of mental disorder going on, a panic thing that made her paranoid and vicious. She did not know me at all before I met her in the neuro icu waiting room, my boyfriend was not at all close to her. (She has toned down a bit I think, from what I heard today although if I never see her again that will be fine by me.)
> 
> My attorney told me to let it go at that point, try to move on.
> 
> So today at lunch, he asked me why I was still single after almost three years. Obviously I failed (at moving on). I could not believe that he would not get better and look for me.
> 
> I am not on TAM any more but I check into this one forum sometimes to see how people are getting along. I think there are maybe a couple people who remember what happened.
> 
> Odd, I was just going to go to therapy to see if it could help me get unstuck. I've had a physical revulsion to any guy I've tried to date since then (there weren't many who even made it that far). I didn't want to get attached to anyone, so I sort of shut myself down and have been living in my little cone of silence, emotionally cut off from anyone except my kids and a couple friends I see occasionally, like every few months.
> 
> Now I just feel like I want to puke. I am so used to feeling alone and slightly despondent and defiant and willful/stubborn in my belief that the phone would ring one day that now I'm not used to any other feeling and my brain is confused.


/wave HNU
I remember your story. Besides wanting to puke, how do you feel after seeing him? Did you get any kind of closure? or do you think you two could pursue any type of relationship?

I know how it is to be stuck on someone. Your situation is heartbreaking, I feel for you. You are a very strong woman, at the moment you are confused but I know you will find a solution that will be beneficial to you and your ex boyfriend. 
I am sorry I cannot give any more advice, but please keep us informed (if you wish) on your story.

I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful life.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lon said:


> Hey HNU, sorry if you are feeling stuck (are you even certain that's what it is? Or maybe it's just taken this much time to re-establish and indulge in your own comfort zone?)
> 
> So any clue at all what you do next in life?


Oh, I know stuck, I was stuck. And there wasn't anything anyone could do about it except my friend. I could never believe 100% that he would not call at some point.

As for life, the activity of life, that has gone on, just fine. I took the energy and frustration of wait state and put it into that, and my relationship with my kids. 

I just looked at an apartment in the village where my kids and I plan to move before the next school year, for their high school. My son starts 9th grade next fall. We may move soon. Ironically this place, which was chosen for the high school and village amenities that are offered, as well as proximity to the highway and closer to the city where we go for major things, and my work in the other direction (on the rare times when I do go there physically), is closer to him as well. 

I'm working with two brilliant research partners one of whom pays me to continue with my own research, and fully supports it, actually above and beyond. I work from home, so the whole homemaker thing continues. I get paid a lot more than just peanuts. Have been able to pay off my car, prepay my heat for the winter, take vacations, treat myself and my kids to nice things including new camping equipment, money to give away to eldest kid (who deserves it) and have money in the bank. Which when you consider my own brain injury and trauma of abusive relationship followed by traumatic experience of boyfriend in coma on my bed...is not too shabby for a middle-aged woman with two kids in tow living in the boonies with major limitations and constraints.
I think my background and training may have helped a bit too, hahah. 

So it's not like I don't have a life. It's just that the one important energy flow in the area of love got stuck. It stayed in the same place and had nowhere to go, just waiting and waiting, circling around and always coming back to the same place. I developed new hobbies such as feeding the birds, repotting my plants, knitting a sweater...things that take patience and repetition...although I was beginning to bond with my favorite items in the kitchen, namely copper skillet, wooden bowl, new shiny red teapot that whistles at me....

So what I'm going to do is to get slowly unstuck...

It goes something like this:

He calls. We talk, about snow removal, etc. normal stuff. I ask him if he enjoys going to the movies. He remembers the theater where I worked for a while (but not that I worked there) and mentions it as a nice movie theater, that he knows about but is not sure if he's been there. I tell him that I worked there for a while, and still have a habit of going there for matinees, when I need a break and want to hide out for a couple hours. He tells me that someone gave him movie tickets to that theater, but he's not sure who. I ask if they are thumbtacked somewhere (and give the exact location) and if they are gathering dust and slightly yellowed. He replies in the affirmative. I inform him that he received the tickets from me, before we were dating, as a gift when we were friends. (I'd been hoping he could take me to the movies.) And that I knew where they were because I had breakfast in his kitchen with him, that he cooked for me. (Which he doesn't remember.)

hahaha. 


He wants to date me. Which works just fine for me because that was the whole point to begin with. All I do on eHarmony is delete people because they are not him and could never make me feel the same way. He knows this. 

Trust me, this is a guy who would cut through the fog at the hospital to look out for me and my kids, and then go back into whatever world he was in. He might not remember me, but he cares about me and I want him to want to date me, and I would like to date him, too. 

All I wanted yesterday was to have lunch with him and talk to him.
Today all I wanted was for him to remember to call me and to hear his voice. He will call again tomorrow. 

People do not end when they have a brain injury. They are the same people. He started dating me when I was recovering from a brain injury. I had almost nothing, no assets, no well paying work, no prospects for after my degree program, could not tell left from right, had an abusive husband to boot and was suspicious of anyone who showed an interest in me. Also I was underweight although nice looking, there was something a bit rough around the edges, he was always trying to get me to eat. I also had two kids, and he was upset about having lost his stepkids to divorce and leery of getting close to kids again. (My kids went with me to see him often, even when he was still in a coma.) He was smart enough to hang nearby while I got on my own two feet and never did anything like a rescue. I fell for him before he ever even asked me out. Which he only did when I told him I was single and had been single for a couple months. 

The night before he had his brain hemorrhage, we were talking serious talk. He told me if he had a tattoo it would be a big DNR on his chest, I told him that our relationship was not about the dancing, and that I would still be with him no matter what. Sounds creepy now, maybe his subconscious knew what was happening to him. Life is full of mysteries. 

So we're going to date and take it slow as with two brain injuries there are two people who have to make their way through life slowly and need their sleep, I used to sleep 14-16 hours out of 24 and that's where he is right now. Whereas I can get by with 8 now but on weekends and no-school days I'll take a lot more than that if I can get it. I telecommute so that buys me time, and live close to my kids' school so that saves a lot of time, too. We also have a very simple schedule and I've had to be careful what I take on. For instance, we didn't do Christmas at all because I just can't handle that on top of the 'normal' stuff and it seemed better for me and my kids to just hang out and relax instead. I still have to take a medicine every night that makes up for short term memory loss issues and having my synapses fried. He however is Rx free and just gets a checkup now every few months. 

So, we'll see how it goes. 

I would like to take it slow too, even though I know him way better than he knows me, I need time to adjust to this new reality, and also to sit back and let him take the lead, not to try to help him. That's the tactic I took when he was in the hospital and first rehab hospital, I would get him started on something he wanted to do, but then sit back and let him do it for himself. Yesterday in the restaurant I did take his hand and lead him through the crowd to the door when he got confused about where the exit was. It was a loud crowded restaurant and the walls were all pink, he took a right turn at the restrooms and pushed open the door to the woman's room. But he's not incompetent, is living independently, is back to driving and stuff, he cleared all the snow from his driveway this morning with a snow blower, which is a skill I don't have, I have shovels and kids. He was the one who directed me to where the restaurant was, as I was driving (he wanted a beer) and he didn't have to use GPS or anything like that.

He's checking out the internet today. I told him not to get lost in there, it's a strange place. 

Anyhow I have to work and just wanted to let people know how that ended. I don't think it needs updates. It's enough that he called me and wants to start where the loose ends left off, or some other place nearby that, that's close enough to call it good. He's his own person, he made his own call. 

I don't know anything more about the future than anyone else does. 
What does anybody plan to do with their life? Put in historical perspective, being in a void for three years waiting for someone to recover from a brain injury and look you up isn't so odd or a waste of time or energy. Imagine recovering from a brain injury and finally becoming independent again, and finding out that there is nobody important to call, that nobody gave a f*ck or loved you enough to wait three years. That you were in some way disposable, a commodity based on your physical health and mental sharpness and social availability, rather than on your soul and how someone felt when they were with you. Imagine someone had told you they'd be with you no matter what, and they didn't really mean it. I don't have to wonder about what I'm going to do with my life, I'm just going to reattach that dropped stitch and keep going. 

What happened sucked. It is what it is. It's not like life was a cup of tea for him either. Apparently he did not like being at his sister's house, but he made the best of it and developed patience, which he says he didn't have enough of before.


----------



## Lon

HNU, I tried to pm you but your messages are disabled, do you still have the same email address as a couple years ago? I mostly wanted to thank you for sharing your update on here...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> /wave HNU
> I remember your story. Besides wanting to puke, how do you feel after seeing him? Did you get any kind of closure? or do you think you two could pursue any type of relationship?
> 
> I know how it is to be stuck on someone. Your situation is heartbreaking, I feel for you. You are a very strong woman, at the moment you are confused but I know you will find a solution that will be beneficial to you and your ex boyfriend.
> I am sorry I cannot give any more advice, but please keep us informed (if you wish) on your story.
> 
> I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful life.


It's not like I was stuck ON him, I was stuck in no man's land. When this happened to him, I had a physical pain like my soul was being ripped apart. 

I was recently becoming concerned for myself, I do mean recently, just in the few days before he called. I realized I could not go forward, I could not go back. I wanted to move away from this place I was stuck in but wasn't sure where to go or how to get there. And then I realized that I would stay there as long as it took for something to happen to get me unstuck, and that I had no control over it and just needed to trust that I would not be stuck forever.

Paid therapists can advise...but everyone knows you can't fix something like that. Anyone I talked to about it would ask if there was a chance he could recover...I don't know if they believed it or what, they would say that there were stories of people recovering...even after having a brain hemorrhage that bad. I hated them for feeding my hope. I wanted to be slapped out of my state and told that he was never coming back. But nobody could ever do that for me, because nobody knew for sure. It only made them sad. So I stopped talking about it. It became a private place that I never expected anyone to share. I actually became selfish about it, and preferred that place to anywhere else. I liked going places on my own, being by myself. It was better than the alternative which was someone trying to take up that space and irritating me in the process.

He was never an ex...he was always "my boyfriend who had a brain hemorrhage". There was never any closure, although I did try to follow people's advice and made some lame attempts to move on, it never took. I knew that I would never commit to anyone else because I wanted to keep that place open for him in my life, and I cannot help that I found a reason to be repulsed by anyone who showed an interest in me. There is no functional therapy for that. It is what it is. 

We are going to date. That is, he asked me out and I said yes and he's going to call me tomorrow and that's good too. 

Life is never going to be wonderful as opposed to miserable. It is a mix of the two. Either you get used to this and embrace it or you don't. 

It's going to take some time. The plan is to take things slowly. Which is pretty much the pace of my life, and his, so there is really no other speed. I don't need it to be any way other than how it is right now. Tomorrow will be different, and the day after that. More horrible things will probably happen in new and unexpected ways as will really improbable and exciting good things and life will continue in its duality. There are a lot of things you cannot be in control of in life, you just have to believe that your intentions and the little things you do on a day to day basis that actualize those intentions make a difference, and that it might take a while for the universe to respond to your input.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lon said:


> HNU, I tried to pm you but your messages are disabled, do you still have the same email address as a couple years ago? I mostly wanted to thank you for sharing your update on here...


Yes, thank you.
And you are correct, my account here is locked down tight .


----------



## Healer

Well, she read me and asked me to call her. I did and said I wanted to have this talk in person but she figured it out. Crying the entire time. It was awful. I was super gentle and said I don't want more kids and that's not something we can get beyond. I didn't bother saying anything about the clinginess or whatever - no need. She said she wants a baby with me - that "that's what happens when you love someone - you want them to give you a baby". I was kind and sweet as I could be but it sucked, hard.

She wants to see me tomorrow and I agreed. She said she's not ready to say goodbye, can't believe this is happening, etc etc. "Can we still be friends".

So I'll go over tomorrow, talk face to face and say goodbye. That should suck too. I didn't want to do it on the phone but she knew it was coming and wanted me to tell her why. I don't hide that **** well.

I jumped in fast too but I could see she's too needy and clingy and it was turning codependent and was going to get worse. I need a more independent woman who already has or doesn't want kids of her own. She's also very insecure which I didn't see at first. I absolutely cannot be with an insecure woman.

Anyway, this sucks ass and tomorrow will be drama but I'll be relieved when it's over. Hate making a girl cry. But this is for the best. It just would've gotten worse and worse, and although there are some things that can be negotiated/compromised, having kids isn't one of them. I was feeling smothered too.

Not sure what the point will be tomorrow or what will come of it. But she knows it's over. Ugh, making a woman cry like that...feeling like a POS. But I kept saying "better now than when we get even deeper in down the line. It wasn't going to get easier - just harder and harder". I will miss her.
__________________


----------



## RandomDude

=/
Baby talk already? How long you two known each other?! 

Hell honestly I feel alot of people need to learn how to handle breakups graciously, not crying and breaking down etc etc. Still, it could be worse Healer, at least she's not trying to emotionally blackmail you - or is she?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> She wants to see me tomorrow and I agreed. She said she's not ready to say goodbye, can't believe this is happening, etc etc. "Can we still be friends".
> 
> So I'll go over tomorrow, talk face to face and say goodbye. That should suck too. I didn't want to do it on the phone but she knew it was coming and wanted me to tell her why. I don't hide that **** well.
> 
> Not sure what the point will be tomorrow or what will come of it. But she knows it's over. Ugh, making a woman cry like that...feeling like a POS. But I kept saying "better now than when we get even deeper in down the line. It wasn't going to get easier - just harder and harder". I will miss her.
> __________________


Healer, this may sound stupid, but THANK YOU for agreeing to see her. My last bf broke up with me on Facebook chat, of all stupid things. Then he refused to see me when I requested it. I cant explain really WHY it was so important to me, but I wanted to see his face, hear his voice and hug him goodbye. He said he didnt see the point in dragging it out. The thing was, that for me, with him doing it the way he did, I felt no closure at all. I just felt lost, and almost like he wasnt real. So thank you for being considerate for her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

You're doing the right thing Healer. When you see her tomorrow, keep in mind that what she's going through *is on her* and there's nothing wrong with you being empathetic or compassionate in that regard. 

It will still be hard, but keeping that divide present will make it easier on you as well.


----------



## RandomDude

Closure isn't something that you can always get, I learnt that after getting back into dating. The majority prefer to avoid confrontation and the hard truth (Also I live in a city, where it's just how it is). Even then, even with "breakup talks", in many cases, none of the answers may make any sense. In the end I found it best to self-evaluate and move on, without requiring immediate closure from another party. With my ex, I dare say that I also found that the real answers to the questions I once sought to give me closure were only achieved through self-reflection and healing.


----------



## Dollystanford

Healer said:


> She said she wants a baby with me - that "that's what happens when you love someone - you want them to give you a baby".


No, that isn't what happens when you love someone. And you choose to have a child together, a man doesn't 'give' you a baby. 

The purpose of the meeting is for her to make a last ditch attempt to change your mind. So be prepared. But whatever you do don't give in


----------



## FeministInPink

Dollystanford said:


> No, that isn't what happens when you love someone. And you choose to have a child together, a man doesn't 'give' you a baby.
> 
> The purpose of the meeting is for her to make a last ditch attempt to change your mind. So be prepared. But whatever you do don't give in


:iagree:

But she IS looking for a baby daddy. She wants a baby, and her hormones are telling her that Healer's got good genetic material.

Healer, I would stay away from the "let's be friends" deal... she's thinking that if she can't have you in a romantic/couple sense, she wants to have you in her life somehow. But what's really going on is that she wants to keep you around because she hopes that you'll change your mind. It's just going to be harder on both of you is you try to stay friends, and it will be more difficult to move on. Maybe you can be friends in the future, maybe a year from now, but you both need a clean break so that you can both move on.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

What they said, Healer.

And, also, I've had men do this too. Want to talk it out, want to be friends. When people have subconsciously included you in their financial and residential plans (and there's no way that having a baby doesn't include financial and residential plans) they will do almost anything to hold on to you, including prostituting themselves to someone who doesn't even want to be in a relationship with them. How sad is that? A normal person, on hearing that they are not right for someone else, will not try to convince the other person that they are wrong. I mean, would any normal person want to be in a relationship with someone who could be persuaded to change their mind about their own feelings? Think about it. 

I was going to post before when this all started, but the woman is nuts. She has delusional thinking about what a relationship is and how it works, and on the nature of not just men and women relationships, but of normal boundaries. 

She needs to stand on her own two feet and stop trying to get someone else to do it for her. I think also she needs to understand she is competing in a new world of relationships, where men don't have to put up with this kind of pouting and manipulation. 

Now go back over whatever she told you about why her last relationship broke up...and think hard.

The move into a basement apartment and quitting her job was likely an investment in her mind, to be more available to you and a short term situation being in the basement, she is hoping you will suggest getting a place together or her moving in with you...why in the world would anyone quit a job and move to a cheaper place? I would have moved to the cheaper place but also kept my job, and started saving up if I wanted another kid on top of the ones I had, and eventually a better place to live.

Her maneuvering and decision making would make me run, and I'm not even a man. I would not go near her with any baby making equipment if I were you. Don't meet at her apartment, meet somewhere else, in public. 

The only baby here should be the one in "Run, baby, Run."


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> What they said, Healer.
> 
> And, also, I've had men do this too. Want to talk it out, want to be friends. When people have subconsciously included you in their financial and residential plans (and there's no way that having a baby doesn't include financial and residential plans) they will do almost anything to hold on to you, including prostituting themselves to someone who doesn't even want to be in a relationship with them. How sad is that? A normal person, on hearing that they are not right for someone else, will not try to convince the other person that they are wrong. I mean, would any normal person want to be in a relationship with someone who could be persuaded to change their mind about their own feelings? Think about it.
> 
> I was going to post before when this all started, but the woman is nuts. She has delusional thinking about what a relationship is and how it works, and on the nature of not just men and women relationships, but of normal boundaries.
> 
> She needs to stand on her own two feet and stop trying to get someone else to do it for her. I think also she needs to understand she is competing in a new world of relationships, where men don't have to put up with this kind of pouting and manipulation.
> 
> Now go back over whatever she told you about why her last relationship broke up...and think hard.
> 
> The move into a basement apartment and quitting her job was likely an investment in her mind, to be more available to you and a short term situation being in the basement, she is hoping you will suggest getting a place together or her moving in with you...why in the world would anyone quit a job and move to a cheaper place? I would have moved to the cheaper place but also kept my job, and started saving up if I wanted another kid on top of the ones I had, and eventually a better place to live.
> 
> Her maneuvering and decision making would make me run, and I'm not even a man. I would not go near her with any baby making equipment if I were you. Don't meet at her apartment, meet somewhere else, in public.
> 
> The only baby here should be the one in "Run, baby, Run."


I agree with HNU Healer, Malta sounds nuts.
You have only known her for like three months right?

Seriously people, who in the right mind would want to have a child with someone after being with them for three months???

I am cold and emotionally unavailable so maybe I am abnormal. I freak out with Navy wants to spend the night at my place.


----------



## Healer

I agree with the above 3 posts. She fell way too hard too fast and that should've been a warning for me - even though I didn't discourage it. The way she reacted yesterday, you'd think we'd have been together forever.

And what she revealed slowly but surely was that she is indeed insecure....a trait I absolutely cannot deal with again. It's a killer.

I will keep my **** in my pants when I go over there. My attraction is gone anyway. It started to fade last week when I subconsciously knew I was done. Just now, I get a Text "hi sweetie, I just wanted to wish you a good day. How are you feeling? XX".

After this is done, I won't continue contact. The "friends" thing just won't work and is unhealthy. 

Homemaker - good call on the moving down thing. Another red flag for sure.

My only qualm about meeting in public is, I know there will be more sobbing. I'm going to keep it brief and not get sucked into anything. Although I'm starting to think it's a bad idea altogether.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> I agree with HNU Healer, Malta sounds nuts.
> You have only known her for like three months right?
> 
> Seriously people, who in the right mind would want to have a child with someone after being with them for three months???
> 
> I am cold and emotionally unavailable so maybe I am abnormal. I freak out with Navy wants to spend the night at my place.


Less than 2 months! We met Nov. 11th.


----------



## Healer

Should I bail on this face to face or do it?


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Should I bail on this face to face or do it?


Honestly, I'm not really seeing much point to it. She wants it because she probably thinks that when you see her in person, you'll change your mind. And I think you're right, I think she might cause a scene.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Honestly, I'm not really seeing much point to it. She wants it because she probably thinks that when you see her in person, you'll change your mind. And I think you're right, I think she might cause a scene.


I don't either. We talked about all the reasons for over half an hour - there's nothing more to say. She said she "wants to hug me and show me her new place". Seems like it'll just be more pain for her. I didn't intend to end things over the phone, but she knew something was up and asked me. I didn't feel comfortable pretending everything was fine then dropping the bombshell when I saw her face to face.

But I do feel bad it wasn't face to face. But it's done now!


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## ne9907

Healer said:


> Less than 2 months! We met Nov. 11th.


wow... navy and I met Oct 13, didnt have sex with him until like November. He keeps his emotions to himself and so do I. He freaked out on me on NYE because I wished him a good year and sent him a kiss. He sent me "muah" back....
I freaked out, he freaked out. 
I have read that nowadays, it is normal for a relationship to progress at lighting speed, but if you are not comfortable do not follow mainstreams advice. 



Healer said:


> Should I bail on this face to face or do it?


I would bail on face to face. I would call, and reiterate my feelings one last time and tell them that at the moment we cannot be friends, perhaps in the future my feelings will change. The problem with people like Malta (I include myself in this cathegory) is that we just do not "like" people, we obsses with them. I have done it in the past, I looked at men for my happiness. 

Trust me Healer, she wants to remain friends because she loves you (yeah I know) and feels that she will be able to win you back. I have been in HER position before. In the end, I am glad we are not longer friends. I dated the guy way longer than two months!!!!


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## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I don't either. We talked about all the reasons for over half an hour - there's nothing more to say. She said she "wants to hug me and show me her new place". Seems like it'll just be more pain for her. I didn't intend to end things over the phone, but she knew something was up and asked me. I didn't feel comfortable pretending everything was fine then dropping the bombshell when I saw her face to face.
> 
> But I do feel bad it wasn't face to face. But it's done now!


Then just tell her that you don't feel it's necessary, that you've already said everything you need to say. She'll probably push back on that, that she wants to hug you and show you her new place... at which point you'll have to be firm and tell ehr that you don't want to. And she'll cry and whatever... everything that you think she'll do if you meet her in person, except she'll do it on the phone.

Don't feel bad that it was over the phone, instead of face to face. Over the phone is better than a text break-up, a slow fade, or just cutting off contact without explanation. It's fine. You were only seeing each other for a little while... in person wasn't necessary, and in fact, I think over the phone was better. If you had done it in person, she might have tried to manipulate you into back-stepping, and then you would have had to do it all over again later.


----------



## Healer

Thanks ladies. I'm not going to see her. My female friend at work said the same thing you gals did - it's a bad idea. Onward.

I think I shall enjoy some alone, single time for awhile.


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## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Don't feel bad that it was over the phone, instead of face to face. *Over the phone is better than a text break-up, a slow fade, or just cutting off contact without explanation.* It's fine. You were only seeing each other for a little while... in person wasn't necessary, and in fact, I think over the phone was better. If you had done it in person, she might have tried to manipulate you into back-stepping, and then you would have had to do it all over again later.





Healer said:


> Thanks ladies. I'm not going to see her. My female friend at work said the same thing you gals did - it's a bad idea. Onward.


I guess maybe I am projecting my own situation here, because I can relate to her need to see you in person. Being dumped via messenger...its hard to explain how that made me feel. It was kind of surreal, almost like he didnt even exist. And yes, I wanted to be able to hug him goodbye. I hate reading that her falling for you so fast is a red flag, because I am one that falls really fast when I do...and I like to think that I am not some nut job, which is what everyone is making her out to be. Its easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship, especially when you know the other person is feeling it too. But, I think Malta's biggest issue is that her biological clock is not only ticking, but going BONG BONG BONG! Healer, if she really was losing her sh!t when you broke up with her, then you do need to do what you feel is best for your safety and your peace of mind.


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## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> I guess maybe I am projecting my own situation here, because I can relate to her need to see you in person. Being dumped via messenger...its hard to explain how that made me feel. It was kind of surreal, almost like he didnt even exist. And yes, I wanted to be able to hug him goodbye. I hate reading that her falling for you so fast is a red flag, because I am one that falls really fast when I do...and I like to think that I am not some nut job, which is what everyone is making her out to be. Its easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship, especially when you know the other person is feeling it too. But, I think Malta's biggest issue is that her biological clock is not only ticking, but going BONG BONG BONG! Healer, if she really was losing her sh!t when you broke up with her, then you do need to do what you feel is best for your safety and your peace of mind.


I can't fault her for falling fast - I moved really fast too and just kind of jumped right in. I'm flattered that she has strong feelings for me. And she really is a sweet girl. Nothing wrong with passion. 

The bio clock thing wasn't so much a red flag as just a logistical impasse. The big red flags for me were the insecurity and neediness. My ex was SO insecure and it proved fatal to our marriage, by way of her cheating with a scumbag for a little faux external validation. 

And the biggest problem was that I just wasn't feeling the same way she was. I don't know if I'm incapable of truly "falling" for someone now or if I just haven't met "the one". I guess time will tell.

I really do feel bad breaking her heart. I hate that she's hurting. But seeing her isn't going to help that hurt.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I guess maybe I am projecting my own situation here, because I can relate to her need to see you in person. Being dumped via messenger...its hard to explain how that made me feel. It was kind of surreal, almost like he didnt even exist. And yes, I wanted to be able to hug him goodbye. I hate reading that her falling for you so fast is a red flag, because I am one that falls really fast when I do...and I like to think that I am not some nut job, which is what everyone is making her out to be. Its easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship, especially when you know the other person is feeling it too. But, I think Malta's biggest issue is that her biological clock is not only ticking, but going BONG BONG BONG! Healer, if she really was losing her sh!t when you broke up with her, then you do need to do what you feel is best for your safety and your peace of mind.


I think via phone and via messenger are two different things, and I think your feelings about that are perfectly valid. I think the difference is that over phone, you're at least speaking with the person in real time, and you have to deal with their reaction in real time. In a break up over messenger--or text, or email--you can choose to ignore their reaction, if you don't want to deal with it. And that's just the coward's way out. 

As adults, if we are decent human beings, we are responsible for dealing with the fall out/consequences of our actions. Using text/messenger is just a way to avoid that. Healer did the fair thing, which was to talk to her, explain his reasons for ending it while being sensitive to her feelings, and he also got the consequences--the awkward, uncomfortable thing that was listening to her sob on the phone. He treated her with respect, he ended it before she got even more attached, and he gave her a reasonable explanation for the break-up.

He gave her everything that she needs in this situation to understand why the break-up happened, and to get closure. But he's not responsible for her feelings. If she can't see that it wouldn't work out in the long run because of this really BIG compatibility issue, that's not his responsibility. And he certainly doesn't need to subject himself to more of the same as what was on the phone.

I understand the need and desire for closure, but closure doesn't come from the other person. Closure comes from within, from processing and dealing with our own emotions. Very rarely do we ever get the answers that we want from the other person, either because they don't tell us the real reason (in order to spare our feelings) or, more simply, because their answers/reasons don't conform with what we want to hear.

You're not the only one who falls fast; I do as well, when I fall for someone. But the thing to remember is that just because we are falling, that doesn't mean the other person is falling equally as fast. They might just be getting caught up in the whirlwind of something new. But it's not just women, I think men can fall just as fast. I've been in Malta's shoes, and I've been in Healer's shoes. Neither is an easy position, either because you're going to be in emotional pain (Malta), or you know that you're causing another person emotional pain (Healer). That's just the way it is, and nothing will change the realities of the situation.

So we lick our wounds, deal with the hurt, and we move on.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I can't fault her for falling fast - I moved really fast too and just kind of jumped right in. I'm flattered that she has strong feelings for me. And she really is a sweet girl. Nothing wrong with passion.
> 
> The bio clock thing wasn't so much a red flag as just a logistical impasse. The big red flags for me were the insecurity and neediness. My ex was SO insecure and it proved fatal to our marriage, by way of her cheating with a scumbag for a little faux external validation.
> 
> *And the biggest problem was that I just wasn't feeling the same way she was. I don't know if I'm incapable of truly "falling" for someone now or if I just haven't met "the one". I guess time will tell.*
> 
> I really do feel bad breaking her heart. I hate that she's hurting. But seeing her isn't going to help that hurt.


This happens. You will eventually meet someone you totally flip for, I know it. You're not broken.

And you know what Dan Savage says... every relationship you'll have will fail, until you find the one that doesn't. And even then, you don't know if that's the one that won't fail (at least, you won't know until you die).

Which, while it is kind of an odd way to put it, is true! And a great argument for, when you think you've met the "one," why you need to continue working to strengthen that relationship every single day. Because no matter how great that "one" relationship may be, it still has the chance to fail if you let it go untended.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I think via phone and via messenger are two different things, and I think your feelings about that are perfectly valid. I think the difference is that over phone, you're at least speaking with the person in real time, and you have to deal with their reaction in real time. In a break up over messenger--or text, or email--you can choose to ignore their reaction, if you don't want to deal with it. And that's just the coward's way out.
> 
> As adults, if we are decent human beings, we are responsible for dealing with the fall out/consequences of our actions. Using text/messenger is just a way to avoid that. Healer did the fair thing, which was to talk to her, explain his reasons for ending it while being sensitive to her feelings, and he also got the consequences--the awkward, uncomfortable thing that was listening to her sob on the phone. He treated her with respect, he ended it before she got even more attached, and he gave her a reasonable explanation for the break-up.
> 
> He gave her everything that she needs in this situation to understand why the break-up happened, and to get closure. But he's not responsible for her feelings. If she can't see that it wouldn't work out in the long run because of this really BIG compatibility issue, that's not his responsibility. And he certainly doesn't need to subject himself to more of the same as what was on the phone.
> 
> I understand the need and desire for closure, but closure doesn't come from the other person. Closure comes from within, from processing and dealing with our own emotions. Very rarely do we ever get the answers that we want from the other person, either because they don't tell us the real reason (in order to spare our feelings) or, more simply, because their answers/reasons don't conform with what we want to hear.
> 
> You're not the only one who falls fast; I do as well, when I fall for someone. But the thing to remember is that just because we are falling, that doesn't mean the other person is falling equally as fast. They might just be getting caught up in the whirlwind of something new. But it's not just women, I think men can fall just as fast. I've been in Malta's shoes, and I've been in Healer's shoes. Neither is an easy position, either because you're going to be in emotional pain (Malta), or you know that you're causing another person emotional pain (Healer). That's just the way it is, and nothing will change the realities of the situation.
> 
> So we lick our wounds, deal with the hurt, and we move on.


Smart cookie, you are.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> You're not the only one who falls fast; I do as well, when I fall for someone. But the thing to remember is that just because we are falling, that doesn't mean the other person is falling equally as fast. They might just be getting caught up in the whirlwind of something new. But it's not just women, I think men can fall just as fast. I've been in Malta's shoes, and I've been in Healer's shoes. Neither is an easy position, either because you're going to be in emotional pain (Malta), or you know that you're causing another person emotional pain (Healer). That's just the way it is, and nothing will change the realities of the situation.
> 
> So we lick our wounds, deal with the hurt, and we move on.


:iagree:

With ex husband, i fell head over heels in like a month! He was exactly the same. Post husband, I have only had two quasi relationships. I never fell for blue until the very end and even then I knew he wasnt what I wanted so I ended things.
I was falling head over heels with Navy so I ended things again, but we reconnected (I told him I was in his neighborhood and he invited me over). 
However, even when I am falling fast for someone I do not let them know. Therapist says that it is a form of control. I am simply not built to show too much emotion anymore. I can feel it inside me but I cannot show it.
I will be honest, I have been totally obsessing with Navy since day 1, but I do not show this to him.
It would be detrimental for us both.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> You're not the only one who falls fast; I do as well, when I fall for someone. But the thing to remember is that just because we are falling, that doesn't mean the other person is falling equally as fast. They might just be getting caught up in the whirlwind of something new. But it's not just women, I think men can fall just as fast. I've been in Malta's shoes, and I've been in Healer's shoes. Neither is an easy position, either because you're going to be in emotional pain (Malta), or you know that you're causing another person emotional pain (Healer). That's just the way it is, and nothing will change the realities of the situation.
> 
> So we lick our wounds, deal with the hurt, and we move on.


When we first started out, it was HIM who was driving the pace of things, really. We both had such strong feelings right out of the gate, him telling me things like, when we first hugged (when we met up again for the first time) he felt like he was finally where he was supposed to be...how he hasnt felt something like this before...how he feels peace and comfort when he is with me...how much he loves "us" and how great we were going to be together. Talked about communication, being honest and open, etc. Then after about the first month...pretty much, nothing...he backed way off. (we were together about 2 1/2 months)


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Smart cookie, you are.


And someday, I will find a man who actually appreciates me!

Thanks--except that I sometimes have problems following my own advice! I'm still trying to get closure from the Fireman breakup, primarily because he DIDN'T do what you did. I don't know what happened; I really have no idea. I was under the impression that we both fell hard and fast; but maybe I was the only one who fell, and he was getting caught up in the whirlwind. I'll never know the real reasons for the break-up, but I have to move on anyway.

I'm learning; I'm a work in progress. Much of the previous post is new knowledge that I'm working very hard to put into practice.

The funny thing is, we do things to protect our selves from emotional hurt and pain, but that's just a part of life. I was going to post another Dan Savage-ism, but it's really just a continuation of the previous one, so I think I will just post the quote in its entirety:

Every relationship you’re ever gonna be in is going to fail until one doesn’t, and you don’t know which one that’s going to be until you die, and you’re like, “Oh, that’s the one that didn’t fail, I guess.” Even if you wind up together with him for the rest of your life, you’re still gonna get hurt. I love that people say, “Oh, I might get hurt,” as if the only way you ever get hurt in a relationship is when one fails. You know you get hurt in relationships that don’t fail too. Pretty much constantly. It’s not a bug, it’s a fvckin’ feature. 
–- Dan Savage​
I love him. He's freaking brilliant.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> When we first started out, it was HIM who was driving the pace of things, really. We both had such strong feelings right out of the gate, him telling me things like, when we first hugged (when we met up again for the first time) he felt like he was finally where he was supposed to be...how he hasnt felt something like this before...how he feels peace and comfort when he is with me...how much he loves "us" and how great we were going to be together. Talked about communication, being honest and open, etc. Then after about the first month...pretty much, nothing...he backed way off. (we were together about 2 1/2 months)


Oh, don't I know it, sister! It was exactly the same with Fireman. I was trying to be cautious and not move too fast, and he swept me off my feet the same way... then... the slow fade...


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy new year, all!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, don't I know it, sister! It was exactly the same with Fireman. I was trying to be cautious and not move too fast, and he swept me off my feet the same way... then... the slow fade...


I attributed his distance to the fact that he is having to rebuild his whole life right now...I could tell his mind was constantly elsewhere....that and the fact that he got so burned in his last two relationships. I figured that he got scared and decided it was wise to back off some. I made sure that I was supportive, loving, and that I wasnt asking too much of him through all of this, but it didnt seem to make a difference. I wanted him to see that not all women are abusive, that us good women really do exist and appreciate a good man. In the end though, it just wasnt enough I guess. Him ending things didnt really surprise me, but I had expected that if it DID, that it would be that he just cant do a relationship right now, but that he really likes me, I am important to him, blah blah blah...lets try picking this up once he gets more established. BUT...it didnt go that way. It was the first part I just said, but then followed by how his feelings just werent developing. I was crushed.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Happy new year, all!


Happy New Year, JB!


----------



## FeministInPink

Here's another great gem of his [Dan Savage], if you have a few mins to spare:

The Price of Admission


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> And someday, I will find a man who actually appreciates me!
> 
> Thanks--except that I sometimes have problems following my own advice! I'm still trying to get closure from the Fireman breakup, primarily because he DIDN'T do what you did. I don't know what happened; I really have no idea. I was under the impression that we both fell hard and fast; but maybe I was the only one who fell, and he was getting caught up in the whirlwind. I'll never know the real reasons for the break-up, but I have to move on anyway.
> 
> I'm learning; I'm a work in progress. Much of the previous post is new knowledge that I'm working very hard to put into practice.
> 
> The funny thing is, we do things to protect our selves from emotional hurt and pain, but that's just a part of life. I was going to post another Dan Savage-ism, but it's really just a continuation of the previous one, so I think I will just post the quote in its entirety:
> 
> Every relationship you’re ever gonna be in is going to fail until one doesn’t, and you don’t know which one that’s going to be until you die, and you’re like, “Oh, that’s the one that didn’t fail, I guess.” Even if you wind up together with him for the rest of your life, you’re still gonna get hurt. I love that people say, “Oh, I might get hurt,” as if the only way you ever get hurt in a relationship is when one fails. You know you get hurt in relationships that don’t fail too. Pretty much constantly. It’s not a bug, it’s a fvckin’ feature.
> –- Dan Savage​
> I love him. He's freaking brilliant.


How did Fireman handle the breakup?


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> How did Fireman handle the breakup?


The slow fade... it was brutal. There was some other crazy sh!t going on in his life at the time, so I know it didn't have anything to do with me. I just wish he could have said to me, "Listen FiP, there's all this crazy sh!t going on right now, and I just can't deal with all of this AND a new relationship. It's too much." I would have understood, and I would have let him go (or given him his space, or whatever).

So I don't know if he wanted to keep things going, and he couldn't manage it all, or if all the crazy sh!t was just an excuse. (I mean, the crazy sh!t was real, he wasn't making up stories, but it still could have been an excuse.)

I've reached out to him a few times over the last three months, but haven't received a response. So it doesn't really matter why it ended; it's clearly over and done, so I need to move on. but none of the men I've dated since have held a candle to Fireman. So I'll keep looking.


----------



## RandomDude

So... my GF has mentioned she wishes to be able to start seeing me on the weekends, and we had a little discussion about my daughter - who she wants to finally meet. I've kept the two apart for almost a year now, is this even wise?

I hope she won't bring up our impending divorce which I'm still waiting on my ex for... bah!


----------



## ne9907

I just found out I will be unemployed after March 31st. I do not even feel like dating anymore haha. 
Seriously thinking about moving to Arizona or Alaska.

Oh and perhaps, this is irrational, but I want to break up with navy guy as I will not be financially independent and would hate to be anyone's burden.


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez, why is everyone breaking up lately? 

Don't tell me I'm the only one who got "lucky" this xmas/new years =/


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Healer, this may sound stupid, but THANK YOU for agreeing to see her. My last bf broke up with me on Facebook chat, of all stupid things. Then he refused to see me when I requested it. I cant explain really WHY it was so important to me, but I wanted to see his face, hear his voice and hug him goodbye. He said he didnt see the point in dragging it out. The thing was, that for me, with him doing it the way he did, I felt no closure at all. I just felt lost, and almost like he wasnt real. So thank you for being considerate for her.



Goodbyes are important.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, why is everyone breaking up lately?
> 
> Don't tell me I'm the only one who got "lucky" this xmas/new years =/



I did not get lucky. I did flirt up a storm and get flirted with in a fabulous chaos. Way too many parties. And I have a couple of dates coming up soon. 

I find myself thinking that I'd like something serious, but I also think that having some fun on the way is appealing, and I'm trying to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with that. It's weird for me to realize it, but I've previously been either alone or in relationships, and I'm not accustomed to casual...anything. 

I need some downtime before I get back to work, which will involve thinking a little about what on earth I ultimately want. 

At the moment, I am watching a show about food trucks in Austin and thinking that What I need is to make a road trip someday soon -- with or without a date.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I just found out I will be unemployed after March 31st. I do not even feel like dating anymore haha.
> Seriously thinking about moving to Arizona or Alaska.
> 
> Oh and perhaps, this is irrational, but I want to break up with navy guy as I will not be financially independent and would hate to be anyone's burden.


I'm so sorry to hear that, Ne! At least you have some time to plan your next move.

Don't be too rash with Navy guy, especially if you like him. You could use his emotional support right now. But if he decides to be the white knight and try to jump in and save you financially this early in the relationship, THAT might be a red flag.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, why is everyone breaking up lately?
> 
> Don't tell me I'm the only one who got "lucky" this xmas/new years =/


You might be... I definitely didn't get any action! That's definitely no different from last year... or really any year of my marriage!

:rofl:


----------



## Healer

Wow. I got a text from her saying "please don't bail on me tonight, I really need to see you". I replied I didn't think it'd be a good idea. She said she's processing and really needs this, please don't shut her out, etc etc. I agreed to call her, so I did.

We talked for maybe an hour, and it was bittersweet. She said even though she's in a world of hurt right now, she would never change meeting me and what happened, and getting to know me etc. And that I influenced her in a positive way, to take charge of her life and make some changes...all very sweet. She started to cry a few times and stopped herself. I was very supportive, encouraging...told her how awesome she is, she needs to focus on her right now, how strong she is, yadda yadda. It meant a lot to her. Basically all one big affirmation for her - but she reciprocated and said some lovely things. We ended things sweetly, although I suspect by being as sweet as I was, I kinda left the door open for her to contact me again. But we were both very clear we could never be together. She said she was glad I didn't come over as it would've been too hard and we would've ended up in trouble and prolonging, so I'm glad she saw that.

It was pretty intense and emotional, but I'm glad I ended it that way, sweetly and giving her some confidence and piece of mind. I did my best to let her know she's awesome and strong, and will be just fine, better than fine. I also told her not to be so baby focused and focus on her and her goals right now, as she's young and has plenty of time. She liked that notion.

Whew.


----------



## moxy

Good work, Healer! You gave her a goodbye without falling back into it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, why is everyone breaking up lately?
> 
> Don't tell me I'm the only one who got "lucky" this xmas/new years =/


Dude! Did you not even read my post?
It's not every day a lover comes back from the dead and asks for a kiss.

Maybe you're just so happy you missed it ;-)


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I did not get lucky. I did flirt up a storm and get flirted with in a fabulous chaos. Way too many parties. And I have a couple of dates coming up soon.
> 
> I find myself thinking that I'd like something serious, but I also think that having some fun on the way is appealing, and I'm trying to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with that. It's weird for me to realize it, but I've previously been either alone or in relationships, and I'm not accustomed to casual...anything.
> 
> I need some downtime before I get back to work, *which will involve thinking a little about what on earth I ultimately want. *
> 
> At the moment, I am watching a show about food trucks in Austin and thinking that What I need is to make a road trip someday soon -- with or without a date.


I've been thinking about this, myself--what I ultimately want. Not just from a relationship, but out of LIFE. 

There are so many things rolling around in my head, and I see fellow students from my graduate program doing the type of things that I want to be doing. The type of things I think I WOULD be doing, if my life hadn't been derailed by my marriage falling apart so soon after graduation. The things I would have been doing if things had gone according to plan.

I look around my apartment sometimes, or I sit on the subway going to work, and I think, "This can't be all there is. I want a life bigger than this."

I pay too much money for a big apartment, primarily because I have way too much stuff. I'm staying in a job that I don't like because I have to pay for this apartment and pay off the debt I accumulated during the divorce, and the kind of job I WANT won't pay me enough to support myself, not with the cost of living in DC as high as it is. I would have to move way outside of the city, because even the close burbs are out of my price range.

And I thought... if I'm going to move outside of the city, why stay? I'm not sure this is where my life is; in fact, I'm pretty sure this isn't where my life is. I've always said that DC was a temporary home, and now I've been here almost 11 years. If I'm going to move outside of the city, why not move somewhere entirely new? I can do that.

Towards the end of my MA program, I began thinking that if I wasn't married--or if I could persuade my XH to delay our move to Maine by another 2-3 years, which I knew was a stretch--that maybe I would continue school and get my MFA. But I limited my search to major metro areas primarily in the northeast, because my XH expressed adamantly that he wouldn't go any further south than DC. Despite the fact that a visiting professor, who teaches full-time at North Carolina State, took an interest in my writing, and who said that if I decided if I decided to go for my MFA, she could guarantee me a fully-funded spot in her program.

So I've begun thinking about that again, but I need to start writing again first.

And I want to travel. Not just a week here or there, but REALLY travel. One of my big plans is that I want to backpack around Europe for a couple of months. And I want to see Macchu Picchu, and the Galapagos, and climb Kilimanjaro... and so much more.

The more I think about what I want to do, and what I might want out of my life, the more I realize that a LTR doesn't really fit into this plan. I can't ask someone else to follow me around as I do all this stuff. As much as I want someone else in my life, I want a life of my choosing more. My biggest fear is that I will get involved with someone, and get so wrapped up in that/him that I subconsciously trade off these bigger dreams for the comfort that one finds with another person, and what he wants from life. I did that with my XH, although I didn't know it at the time; I was so distracted by the smaller goals (finishing my BA and getting out of the waiting tables racket), that I didn't realize what I was giving up by agreeing to his idea of what our life together should be. And I'm not going to do that again.

And who knows... while I'm pursuing what I really want out of my life, maybe I'll find someone else who wants the same things that I do, and has avoided getting involved with someone for the very same reasons, and who is also totally hot and good in bed. That would be pretty awesome


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Wow. I got a text from her saying "please don't bail on me tonight, I really need to see you". I replied I didn't think it'd be a good idea. She said she's processing and really needs this, please don't shut her out, etc etc. I agreed to call her, so I did.
> 
> We talked for maybe an hour, and it was bittersweet. She said even though she's in a world of hurt right now, she would never change meeting me and what happened, and getting to know me etc. And that I influenced her in a positive way, to take charge of her life and make some changes...all very sweet. She started to cry a few times and stopped herself. I was very supportive, encouraging...told her how awesome she is, she needs to focus on her right now, how strong she is, yadda yadda. It meant a lot to her. Basically all one big affirmation for her - but she reciprocated and said some lovely things. We ended things sweetly, although I suspect by being as sweet as I was, I kinda left the door open for her to contact me again. But we were both very clear we could never be together. She said she was glad I didn't come over as it would've been too hard and we would've ended up in trouble and prolonging, so I'm glad she saw that.
> 
> It was pretty intense and emotional, but I'm glad I ended it that way, sweetly and giving her some confidence and piece of mind. I did my best to let her know she's awesome and strong, and will be just fine, better than fine. I also told her not to be so baby focused and focus on her and her goals right now, as she's young and has plenty of time. She liked that notion.
> 
> Whew.


Good on you, Healer. You handled that supremely well.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Good on you, Healer. You handled that supremely well.


Thank you. It was actually a really nice talk. She's a sweet kid.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Good on you, Healer. You handled that supremely well.


I agree, Healer. She was able to get what I never did..a true heart to heart to end things. He and I chat, and even went out once as friends, but I get no talk about what happened with him as far as "us".


----------



## bravenewworld

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree, Healer. She was able to get what I never did..a true heart to heart to end things. He and I chat, and even went out once as friends, but I get no talk about what happened with him as far as "us".


Honestly, I feel like anyone who gets broken up with by Singles of TAM poster is lucky because we're so dang nice and mature about it. No personal attacks. No laundry lists of short-comings, angry tears, or throwing possessions out of windows. 

We're kind. We're direct. We let you know how much we enjoyed your company. We don't give you false hope. I guess that's what happens when you go through divorce and become thoughtful/introspective about it!


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Honestly, I feel like anyone who gets broken up with by Singles of TAM poster is lucky because we're so dang nice and mature about it. No personal attacks. No laundry lists of short-comings, angry tears, or throwing possessions out of windows.
> 
> We're kind. We're direct. We let you know how much we enjoyed your company. We don't give you false hope. I guess that's what happens when you go through divorce and become thoughtful/introspective about it!


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## RandomDude

A smooth breakup is always good, no drama no guilt no BS

I'm surprised she handled it maturely while at the same time she wanted a baby with you after only 3 months  tis weird!
If it wasn't for that you two could have had a chance perhaps, but nevermind that, as it wasn't meant to be in the end.

It's making me wonder if I'm doing the right thing too, considering the level of affection that GF is showing lately and knowing my feeling aren't as strong. I hope I ain't leading her on...


----------



## moxy

Warning: this post is a little frivolous.

So, I met a guy on ******* that I really like. We've been talking for a few weeks. He messages me and chats with me, so it's not been me doing the pursuing, and he's the one who initiated our conversation. We matched on Tinder, too, like a week ago, but neither of us talked on that app. He still messages me on OKC (even today), but he unmatched me on Tinder today (or just deleted it). I know it's silly, but it made me sad because I actually liked him more than anyone else I've been talking to. I guess he likes talking to me, kinda, but not enough to want to hook up? Or something like that. Oh, well. 😕

Translator guy asked me out for either this weekend or next weekend. I no longer see long term potential, here, but I think we could have fun for s few months. He'd make a good FWB, I guess.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, why is everyone breaking up lately?
> 
> Don't tell me I'm the only one who got "lucky" this xmas/new years =/


I got lucky! recent events with my work situation are making me want to finish things with him.



FeministInPink said:


> I'm so sorry to hear that, Ne! At least you have some time to plan your next move.
> 
> Don't be too rash with Navy guy, especially if you like him. You could use his emotional support right now. But if he decides to be the white knight and try to jump in and save you financially this early in the relationship, THAT might be a red flag.


Me too! Oh, it is so stressful..... I freaking hate it. 
He has been supportive, my work situation has been on limbo since last month. He was offering ideas on getting a new job, giving options etc. I have not spoken with him about the new developments. 
He likes to go MIA for days! I hate it, but I dont bother him, I suspect he is going through a lot of life changes. He got divorced in May of last year, his ex wife became pregnant with another man's child before the divorce was finalized.
Issues with his mom, and he enjoyes exhausting himself at the gym. I know he is busy, he has priorities that do not include me, at the present time that is okay with me. Oh, he is also changing duty stations and starting a new job.

I do wish I could call him out of the blue and dump all this uncertainty **** on him. I just know we are not quite at that level yet. So, I call my friends instead 




Healer said:


> Wow. I got a text from her saying "please don't bail on me tonight, I really need to see you". I replied I didn't think it'd be a good idea. She said she's processing and really needs this, please don't shut her out, etc etc. I agreed to call her, so I did.
> 
> .


Dude 
I want to date you JUST so we could break up and tell me how wonderful I am!~


Speaking of break ups. In the Army we have something called "After Action review", it is a meeting after any training exercise to see how such training exercise can be improved, how we performed, what were our strenghs and weakness etc.
So Blue was the first man I dated after 16 years, i felt a little rusty so i asked him for an AAR. 
At first he refused, but in the end I prevailed. 
Let me tell you, it was wonderful to know how I had acted from his point of view. 
Sad to say, I am repeating my own mistakes with Navy. I wish I was more open and lovey dovey..... I simply cant!!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I've been thinking about this, myself--what I ultimately want. Not just from a relationship, but out of LIFE.
> 
> There are so many things rolling around in my head, and I see fellow students from my graduate program doing the type of things that I want to be doing. The type of things I think I WOULD be doing, if my life hadn't been derailed by my marriage falling apart so soon after graduation. The things I would have been doing if things had gone according to plan.
> 
> I look around my apartment sometimes, or I sit on the subway going to work, and I think, "This can't be all there is. I want a life bigger than this."
> 
> I pay too much money for a big apartment, primarily because I have way too much stuff. I'm staying in a job that I don't like because I have to pay for this apartment and pay off the debt I accumulated during the divorce, and the kind of job I WANT won't pay me enough to support myself, not with the cost of living in DC as high as it is. I would have to move way outside of the city, because even the close burbs are out of my price range.
> 
> And I thought... if I'm going to move outside of the city, why stay? I'm not sure this is where my life is; in fact, I'm pretty sure this isn't where my life is. I've always said that DC was a temporary home, and now I've been here almost 11 years. If I'm going to move outside of the city, why not move somewhere entirely new? I can do that.
> 
> Towards the end of my MA program, I began thinking that if I wasn't married--or if I could persuade my XH to delay our move to Maine by another 2-3 years, which I knew was a stretch--that maybe I would continue school and get my MFA. But I limited my search to major metro areas primarily in the northeast, because my XH expressed adamantly that he wouldn't go any further south than DC. Despite the fact that a visiting professor, who teaches full-time at North Carolina State, took an interest in my writing, and who said that if I decided if I decided to go for my MFA, she could guarantee me a fully-funded spot in her program.
> 
> So I've begun thinking about that again, but I need to start writing again first.
> 
> And I want to travel. Not just a week here or there, but REALLY travel. One of my big plans is that I want to backpack around Europe for a couple of months. And I want to see Macchu Picchu, and the Galapagos, and climb Kilimanjaro... and so much more.
> 
> The more I think about what I want to do, and what I might want out of my life, the more I realize that a LTR doesn't really fit into this plan. I can't ask someone else to follow me around as I do all this stuff. As much as I want someone else in my life, I want a life of my choosing more. My biggest fear is that I will get involved with someone, and get so wrapped up in that/him that I subconsciously trade off these bigger dreams for the comfort that one finds with another person, and what he wants from life. I did that with my XH, although I didn't know it at the time; I was so distracted by the smaller goals (finishing my BA and getting out of the waiting tables racket), that I didn't realize what I was giving up by agreeing to his idea of what our life together should be. And I'm not going to do that again.
> 
> And who knows... while I'm pursuing what I really want out of my life, maybe I'll find someone else who wants the same things that I do, and has avoided getting involved with someone for the very same reasons, and who is also totally hot and good in bed. That would be pretty awesome


This entire post illustrates my life. That is how I have been feeling since around Sept of last year.
Last year was amazing!! I did sooo many wonderful things, I traveled a little with friends with family. I saw so much of the United States I hadnt. I had fun. I enjoyed it so much!!
I am planning a Machu Picchu trip this spring!!! I will be hiking the Inca trail!!!
If I am unemployed when it happens, I might get the package which contains a few days at the Galapalos Island.

FiP, that is what being truly free and healthy feels like. You want to be unattached to enjoy life. If someone comes along great, if not that is great as well!!!





RandomDude said:


> .
> 
> It's making me wonder if I'm doing the right thing too, considering the level of affection that GF is showing lately and knowing my feeling aren't as strong. I hope I ain't leading her on...


Stop freaking out Random. Btw, I do believe she should meet your daughter 
Are you sure your feelings for her arent strong? You are always so happy here when she says something sweet to you!! 
She makes you happy!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Good on you Healer.

You ... healed the situation well ...


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Warning: this post is a little frivolous.
> 
> So, I met a guy on ******* that I really like. We've been talking for a few weeks. He messages me and chats with me, so it's not been me doing the pursuing, and he's the one who initiated our conversation. We matched on Tinder, too, like a week ago, but neither of us talked on that app. He still messages me on OKC (even today), but he unmatched me on Tinder today (or just deleted it). I know it's silly, but it made me sad because I actually liked him more than anyone else I've been talking to. I guess he likes talking to me, kinda, but not enough to want to hook up? Or something like that. Oh, well. 😕
> 
> Translator guy asked me out for either this weekend or next weekend. I no longer see long term potential, here, but I think we could have fun for s few months. He'd make a good FWB, I guess.


Don't sweat it. The Tinder app is known to be a little wonky, and sometimes results in matches disappearing randomly, even if the other person didn't unmatch you. If he's still in contact, that's all that matters. 

But what is strange is that he hasn't asked for an in-person meet yet. As has been oft-repeated here, the goal is to get to the in-person meet as soon as possible. You can suggest it, and see what he says... but I get the feeling that you might be a back-up plan for him.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Don't sweat it. The Tinder app is known to be a little wonky, and sometimes results in matches disappearing randomly, even if the other person didn't unmatch you. If he's still in contact, that's all that matters.
> 
> 
> 
> But what is strange is that he hasn't asked for an in-person meet yet. As has been oft-repeated here, the goal is to get to the in-person meet as soon as possible. You can suggest it, and see what he says... but I get the feeling that you might be a back-up plan for him.



Thank you for that!  

Also, I agree that I may well be a back-up plan, which I can accept. Not everyone I like will like Me back the same way, after all. He also seems to want to go slow because he wants something real (he said so). That's okay with me. If he likes me enough, he will ask me out. So, I guess I can hope that I keep his interest. I'd be a good girlfriend, so I hope he decides he likes me enough to find out.  if he doesn't...well, I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles. 😟


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Thank you for that!
> 
> Also, I agree that I may well be a back-up plan, which I can accept. Not everyone I like will like Me back the same way, after all. He also seems to want to go slow because he wants something real (he said so). That's okay with me. If he likes me enough, he will ask me out. So, I guess *I can hope that I keep his interest.* I'd be a good girlfriend, so *I hope he decides he likes me enough to find out.*  if he doesn't...well, I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles. 😟


No, he should hope that he's good enough to keep YOUR interest, and that YOU'LL like him enough to keep him around. 

"Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are."
-- Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy


----------



## FeministInPink

Sorry, it was a duplicate post--deleted.


----------



## ne9907

feministinpink said:


> no, he should hope that he's good enough to keep your interest, and that you'll like him enough to keep him around.
> 
> "don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are."
> -- cristina yang, grey's anatomy


exactly!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Stop freaking out Random. Btw, I do believe she should meet your daughter
> Are you sure your feelings for her arent strong? You are always so happy here when she says something sweet to you!!
> She makes you happy!


Thanks 

I'll be alright as time goes by I hope, just getting used to the changes. I hope the two get along, cause it's going to be obvious whose side I would choose if the two don't. Last year there have been times when my daughter expressed her wishes that "daddy comes home", things like that make me worried.

As for GF, my feelings for her aren't strong at all, I care for her as a friend, I am fond of her, and she makes me happy sure, most of the time. Like she makes me feel that:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk



However I still have issues with my financial paranoia. One thing I have to keep reminding myself however is that she's an independent woman who gives and takes (SOOOO many pretty ladies where I live just take take take - because they can! Bah!), which is helping alot.

And at the same time she seems to have become quite taken with me =/ I blame our vacation!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> As for GF, my feelings for her aren't strong at all, I care for her as a friend, I am fond of her, and she makes me happy sure, most of the time. Like she makes me feel that:
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And at the same time she seems to have become quite taken with me =/ I blame our vacation!


I blame your vacation as well!!! I told you not to take her, but NOOOO.... you had to do what you wanted to do 
Totally pulling your leg. I am glad you took her. Enjoy feeling sexy as hell 

I had a guy who made me feel sooooooo sexy..... yeah.... easy to confuse feelings when the other person thinks you are the sexiest thing that walks on earth


----------



## RandomDude

Heh you're right, I didn't anticipate what would happen considering we had established our FWB boundaries quite solid.

I'm glad I took her too, I'm less "bah! wimmen!" and more "I'm too sexy!" nowadays heh


----------



## vi_bride04

I never thought I would see the day when RD was in a relationship.... Lol


----------



## RandomDude

Well, we are giving it a try 

Too early to say if it would work out or not. We have yet to have an argument for instance, and she has yet to meet my baby girl.


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, depending on your relationship with your ex and how your daughter is handling the split, you may want to wait on the GF-daughter introduction. If your daughter isn't ready, she may try to make problems for the two of you; if she talks about it to your ex, your ex may make things with the divorce more difficult.

If GF hasn't been divorced/doesn't have kids, she might not understand the delicacies of such situations.

It's all dependent on the individual situation, so use your best judgement, but these are the things I would be taking into consideration.

You might want to take the question to the larger TAM Life After Divorce community to get advice from other men who may have been in this situation before. All of us here are just trying to get laid


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah, I was thinking of writing up a thread but I don't know if the question is really important - like - I could be worrying too much no?

Like maybe my daughter will warm up to her like she normally does with everyone... or...
Bah nevermind, you're right, I'll write up a thread later.


----------



## unsure78

RandomDude said:


> Yeah, I was thinking of writing up a thread but I don't know if the question is really important - like - I could be worrying too much no?
> 
> Like maybe my daughter will warm up to her like she normally does with everyone... or...
> Bah nevermind, you're right, I'll write up a thread later.


Let me know where you put that thread...im in the beginning stages of that myself....I dont remember how old is your daughter RD?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Yeah, I was thinking of writing up a thread but I don't know if the question is really important - like - I could be worrying too much no?
> 
> Like maybe my daughter will warm up to her like she normally does with everyone... or...
> Bah nevermind, you're right, I'll write up a thread later.


I think it's an important question, especially the first girlfriend post-marriage.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Is anyone else having issues with their subscribed threads recently? I am either getting NO notificatio emails on some of my threads, others I get well after I already saw the post on here on the thread itself, as well as several after it...like serious lag time.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Is anyone else having issues with their subscribed threads recently? I am either getting NO notificatio emails on some of my threads, others I get well after I already saw the post on here on the thread itself, as well as several after it...like serious lag time.


Yes, I've been having the same problem, for over a week now.


----------



## vi_bride04

F*ck.... It's 3am, I have to work tomorrow and just got home. Sometimes this single life is tiring lol


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> Let me know where you put that thread...im in the beginning stages of that myself....I dont remember how old is your daughter RD?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Posted a thread on the family/parenting section.


----------



## Healer

Well, I'm probably an idiot, but I jumped right back in and contacted guitar girl (the one I blew off back in November because I was starting to see Malta). She's closer to my age (37 - I'm 39) has a kid and an established career. 

She was bummed when I said I wasn't interested as she thought we "hit it out of the park" on our first (and only) date. 

I texted her and she replied. We chatted a bit and are meeting for lunch next Wednesday. She asked "have I been having fun lately". I didn't mention of course that I was seeing malta. Probably not a good idea to disclose that. Not sure what she'll ask me and how I'll answer. 

We did hit it off, and she is cool. A bit intense maybe...but whatevs. She's way more suited to me in a logistical sense, and I feel the desire to explore it. :-\


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Well, I'm probably an idiot, but I jumped right back in and contacted guitar girl (the one I blew off back in November because I was starting to see Malta). She's closer to my age (37 - I'm 39) has a kid and an established career.
> 
> She was bummed when I said I wasn't interested as she thought we "hit it out of the park" on our first (and only) date.
> 
> I texted her and she replied. We chatted a bit and are meeting for lunch next Wednesday. She asked "have I been having fun lately". I didn't mention of course that I was seeing malta. Probably not a good idea to disclose that. Not sure what she'll ask me and how I'll answer.
> 
> We did hit it off, and she is cool. A bit intense maybe...but whatevs. She's way more suited to me in a logistical sense, and I feel the desire to explore it. :-\


 you are player!! Whatevs, Players gonna play.... 

Kidding, I do this type of thigs as well. Just dont tell her she was your second choice 

Good luck!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Consolation prize?


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> F*ck.... It's 3am, I have to work tomorrow and just got home. Sometimes this single life is tiring lol


It take a lot of energy and time to maintain a social life, plus dating... !

When you're paired up, you don't have to put in all the extra effort that you do for dating, and maintaining a social life is shared between both of you... not to mention day-to-day household maintenance stuff, if you live together. (Assuming both partners are contributing equally.)


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well, I'm probably an idiot, but I jumped right back in and contacted guitar girl (the one I blew off back in November because I was starting to see Malta). She's closer to my age (37 - I'm 39) has a kid and an established career.
> 
> She was bummed when I said I wasn't interested as she thought we "hit it out of the park" on our first (and only) date.
> 
> I texted her and she replied. We chatted a bit and are meeting for lunch next Wednesday. She asked "have I been having fun lately". I didn't mention of course that I was seeing malta. Probably not a good idea to disclose that. Not sure what she'll ask me and how I'll answer.
> 
> We did hit it off, and she is cool. A bit intense maybe...but whatevs. She's way more suited to me in a logistical sense, and I feel the desire to explore it. :-\


Yeah, don't tell her about Malta... just something about how you weren't really (emotionally) available to start something with her at the time, which you weren't, because you were tied up with Malta.

Just... take it slow this time.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> you are player!! Whatevs, Players gonna play....
> 
> Kidding, I do this type of thigs as well. Just dont tell her she was your second choice
> 
> Good luck!!!


****, am I a dog?


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Consolation prize?


Not really - I was really torn between the 2. I guess if I was really a player I would've gone for both, but I didn't. Things were just a bit farther along with Malta at the time, so I went with that.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, don't tell her about Malta... just something about how you weren't really (emotionally) available to start something with her at the time, which you weren't, because you were tied up with Malta.
> 
> Just... take it slow this time.


Yes, SLOW. I seem to have a bit of a problem understanding that concept. My instinct is to jump right into bed with them. And I don't know why I do that. Then I tend to lose interest. What a cliche! I'll really work on taking it slow this time. Like at least 3 dates before sex. ;-)


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> When you're paired up, you don't have to put in all the extra effort that you do for dating, and maintaining a social life is shared between both of you... not to mention day-to-day household maintenance stuff, if you live together. (Assuming both partners are contributing equally.)


Yeah but even with a live-in, then you have to devote so much of your time to the relationship. Sometimes I really dig being single/having my own space. Being married sounds exhausting to me now. LOL



Healer said:


> Not really - I was really torn between the 2. I guess if I was really a player I would've gone for both, but I didn't. Things were just a bit farther along with Malta at the time, so I went with that.


Word. You's a playa. Just kidding. Your'e single, dude. Have at it!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer, when you cut things off with her, did you not tell her that you were trying to see where things were going with someone else? It will be pretty hard to hide a recent relationship, seems dishonest to me...I mean, its a pretty common dating issue...


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Healer, when you cut things off with her, did you not tell her that you were trying to see where things were going with someone else? It will be pretty hard to hide a recent relationship, seems dishonest to me...I mean, its a pretty common dating issue...


No, we only had one hour long lunch date - so I didn't really "cut things off". I mean, if we had gone out a few times, I could see that being necessary. But after hanging out for an hour?


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't think you owed her that, Healer. I mean, you barely knew her. One hour isn't long at all. Plus, you were honest enough to tell her you didn't want to pursue it at the time. Way better than ghosting her like Casper the ghost.


----------



## Jellybeans

Also, *3x* - I want to petition you to change your TAM handle. You definitely have CHARM so it seems that NOCHARM should be amended to 3xALLcharm or 3xCharming or something of the like.
It's been too long that you have a negative name and with the new year, I feel like you're due. New beginnings.

Yeah?

:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Also, *3x* - I want to petition you to change your TAM handle. You definitely have CHARM so it seems that NOCHARM should be amended to 3xALLcharm or 3xCharming or something of the like.
> It's been too long that you have a negative name and with the new year, I feel like you're due. New beginnings.
> 
> Yeah?
> 
> :smthumbup:


Aw, THANKS JB!  My name started out as 3Xacharm, as in, third marriage...third time's the charm, right? HA!! I changed it when I divorced. I hadnt given it any thought after that, but I will now! :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Yes, SLOW. I seem to have a bit of a problem understanding that concept. My instinct is to jump right into bed with them. And I don't know why I do that. Then I tend to lose interest. What a cliche! I'll really work on taking it slow this time. Like at least 3 dates before sex. ;-)


Oh, I know... I do it, too! Damn this high drive of mine...


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah but even with a live-in, then *you have to devote so much of your time to the relationship*. Sometimes I really dig being single/having my own space. Being married sounds exhausting to me now. LOL


True--but that part always came easily/naturally to me, and seemed like less work and stress/uncertainty than dating.

Being married doesn't sound exhausting to me, but all the effort to get to that point does!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I know... I do it, too! Damn this high drive of mine...


Yup, I'm super high drive. And you know, come to think of it, another reason (not that I needed one - Malta wanting kids and me not was huge enough) that my attraction to Malta faded was the oral thing. She gave me head maybe 4 or 5 times and we had sex probably 40 or 50 - and it was never because she wanted to, more of a duty thing or to get things going if they were fizzling. When she would, it would only be very shallow - just the head. I'm thinking she might have had a bad gag reflex. All of the other women I've slept with were enthusiastic oral-givers. I was getting a bit resentful of it, especially considering I gave her oral almost every time (well, 75% of the time).

It's pretty important to me - and not even because it feels SO good that I NEED it, but it shows real intimacy and is the sign of a giving lover. I'm a giving lover, and I expect the same from my partner.

By far the best lover I've had so far was lovergirl - the one who wanted "just a lover, not a relationship". She was awesome in bed. I miss that. She texted me a few days ago, putting the feelers out and apologizing for the way she ended up acting (she didn't need to - she was just developing feelings for me - not a bad thing). I told her as much. But didn't take the bait, badly as I wanted to.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> No, we only had one hour long lunch date - so I didn't really "cut things off". I mean, if we had gone out a few times, I could see that being necessary. But after hanging out for an hour?


We all know that multi-dating is a thing now, right? And it was just a lunch... and Healer liked her enough to get back in touch again. He _wasn't _available the first time around because he was into Malta, and now he's available and he's learned from the experience, so he's better prepared to be in a relationship now (compared to when they met for lunch). Hopefully, even if he tells her about Malta, she's mature enough to understand that.

If I'm chatting with a guy, and if we meet once, and then it doesn't go anywhere, and then he pops up again a month or two later, I assume that he was already seeing someone else and decided that he wanted to give that a serious go. Good for him, it means he's looking for something serious. That being said, he better make a concerted effort if I'm willing to give him that second chance, and he better NOT blow me off a second time, because there will be no third chances for him. 

It's one thing, when choosing between two women, to realize that you made the wrong choice. That happens sometimes. But being the default option because a guy doesn't currently see anything better on the horizon sucks, and it's up to her to determine whether or not that's what's going, so you need to make sure that you're NOT that guy and that she knows it.

(I don't think that you ARE that guy, Healer, I'm just making a point.)


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> My instinct is to jump right into bed with them. And I don't know why I do that.


Because of hormones. 

Sexy laaadies!



Healer said:


> I'll really work on taking it slow this time. Like at least 3 dates before sex. ;-)


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Yup, I'm super high drive. And you know, come to think of it, another reason (not that I needed one - Malta wanting kids and me not was huge enough) that my attraction to Malta faded was the oral thing. She gave me head maybe 4 or 5 times and we had sex probably 40 or 50 - and it was never because she wanted to, more of a duty thing or to get things going if they were fizzling. When she would, it would only be very shallow - just the head. I'm thinking she might have had a bad gag reflex. All of the other women I've slept with were enthusiastic oral-givers. I was getting a bit resentful of it, especially considering I gave her oral almost every time (well, 75% of the time).
> 
> *It's pretty important to me - and not even because it feels SO good that I NEED it, but it shows real intimacy and is the sign of a giving lover. I'm a giving lover, and I expect the same from my partner.*
> 
> By far the best lover I've had so far was lovergirl - the one who wanted "just a lover, not a relationship". She was awesome in bed. I miss that. She texted me a few days ago, putting the feelers out and apologizing for the way she ended up acting (she didn't need to - she was just developing feelings for me - not a bad thing). I told her as much. But didn't take the bait, badly as I wanted to.


Agreed. Another reason why I decided OKC Guy was a no-go for me. He made it pretty clear that he wasn't into oral, and I need a guy who is GGG. Not wasting my time with someone who's going to be stingy, because I'm going to give as much as I expect from my partner.

What it comes down to, Healer, is that you and Malta simply weren't compatible, in more ways than one. Don't worry, you'll find someone who is.

And if you don't, you can give me a call. I'd love to get dual Canadian citizenship


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> We all know that multi-dating is a thing now, right? And it was just a lunch... and Healer liked her enough to get back in touch again. He _wasn't _available the first time around because he was into Malta, and now he's available and he's learned from the experience, so he's better prepared to be in a relationship now (compared to when they met for lunch). Hopefully, even if he tells her about Malta, she's mature enough to understand that.
> 
> If I'm chatting with a guy, and if we meet once, and then it doesn't go anywhere, and then he pops up again a month or two later, I assume that he was already seeing someone else and decided that he wanted to give that a serious go. Good for him, it means he's looking for something serious. That being said, he better make a concerted effort if I'm willing to give him that second chance, and he better NOT blow me off a second time, because there will be no third chances for him.
> 
> It's one thing, when choosing between two women, to realize that you made the wrong choice. That happens sometimes. But being the default option because a guy doesn't currently see anything better on the horizon sucks, and it's up to her to determine whether or not that's what's going, so you need to make sure that you're NOT that guy and that she knows it.
> 
> (I don't think that you ARE that guy, Healer, I'm just making a point.)


Nope, not that guy. I have several opportunities lined up online and will not be taking any of them - I'm just going to go see guitar girl. I am not interested in seeing multiple women at once. It's too ****ing stressful. I am looking for a girlfriend, not a string of lovers. Sadly I'll likely have to go through a string of lovers to find a girlfriend. It's a paradox!


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Nope, not that guy. I have several opportunities lined up online and will not be taking any of them - I'm just going to go see guitar girl. I am not interested in seeing multiple women at once. It's too ****ing stressful. I am looking for a girlfriend, not a string of lovers. Sadly I'll likely have to go through a string of lovers to find a girlfriend. It's a paradox!


I feel the same way...


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Agreed. Another reason why I decided OKC Guy was a no-go for me. He made it pretty clear that he wasn't into oral, and I need a guy who is GGG. Not wasting my time with someone who's going to be stingy, because I'm going to give as much as I expect from my partner.
> 
> What it comes down to, Healer, is that you and Malta simply weren't compatible, in more ways than one. Don't worry, you'll find someone who is.
> 
> And if you don't, you can give me a call. I'd love to get dual Canadian citizenship


Spot on.

And meeeeeoww!


----------



## FeministInPink

Though it's freaking FREEZING in DC right now. I'm not sure I could take the weather in Canada.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Though it's freaking FREEZING in DC right now. I'm not sure I could take the weather in Canada.


It's heinous (in winter). My city gets the most sunshine in the whole country though. But the winters are _bitterly_ cold.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> It's heinous (in winter). My city gets the most sunshine in the whole country though. But the winters are _bitterly_ cold.


I would need to get a new coat. And I would be wearing one of these all the time:










Or maybe this:










I'm just not well-prepared for this weather. I've been living here over 10 years, and I don't own heavy wool slacks, or other dress/work clothes like that, because winters here are normally mild. All the clothing--and coats--I own are mean for mild winters. But last year--and apparently this year--are freakishly cold. It's been miserable.

You know how in historical movies, characters are always wearing night caps, or whatever they're called? I finally get it now. Last winter, I started wearing a knit cap while I was sleeping, or just hanging out inside the house. Never thought I would do that!


----------



## Jellybeans

It was 9 degrees this morning when I left home.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Or maybe this:


Love this!

I haaaaate the cold. Meh.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Love this!
> 
> I haaaaate the cold. Meh.


Meeee too! Cold and snow are my version of hell...


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha, meeeeeeeeeeeeee toooooooooooo!


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Love this!
> 
> I haaaaate the cold. Meh.


Me, too! I used to dislike the heat of summer, and love the winter, but over the last several years, my preferences have shifted.

I'm actually thinking about if I want to move further south.


----------



## Jellybeans

Me, tooooooooooo, girl!


----------



## FeministInPink

You wanna move with me? I'm thinking Savannah, GA.

ETA: Or maybe Raleigh.


----------



## Jellybeans

Let's go, girl.

Let me grab mah things.










Savannah it is.


----------



## Healer

This is OT, but I'm still giggling about it. Watching 30 Rock last night, and the deranged doctor (Dr. Spaceman) says to his patient the day before surgery: "Now, this is surgery, so don't eat anything before you come in. Because I'll have a big breakfast waiting for you."

Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> This is OT, but I'm still giggling about it. Watching 30 Rock last night, and the deranged doctor (Dr. Spaceman) says to his patient the day before surgery: "Now, this is surgery, so don't eat anything before you come in. Because I'll have a big breakfast waiting for you."
> 
> Lol.


This is the Singles of TAM. NOTHING is off-topic.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Let's go, girl.
> 
> Let me grab mah things.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Savannah it is.


Looks like you're ready for Key West. Which works for me, too. 

Let's go hang with Hemingway's cats!


----------



## FeministInPink

Hey, since the US has finally normalized relations with Cuba, does that mean I can go visit his house in Cuba now?


----------



## FeministInPink




----------



## RandomDude

So... it seems my thread in regards to my gf/daughter meeting tomorrow hasn't revealed any further speedhumps to avoid. Wish me luck guys, and I hope my daughter behaves, as I'd hate to discipline her in front of my gf especially after all the pride for my daughter that I've expressed to my gf

Bah, maybe I'm just thinking too much and worrying too much - I tend to do that, I did that throughout marriage driving ex to extensive lengths of frustration. Still, disappointing my daughter and breaking my promise to her with the split, not to mention the fact that I feel like I'm now secondary influence to her... bah!

I should have had some foresight before I decided to play with fire, the fire being a fking relationship while I'm a single dad. But alas, too late now, can only press forward, no regrets. Open wide the gates of hell!

/end vent


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So... it seems my thread in regards to my gf/daughter meeting tomorrow hasn't revealed any further speedhumps to avoid. Wish me luck guys, and I hope my daughter behaves, as I'd hate to discipline her in front of my gf especially after all the pride for my daughter that I've expressed to my gf
> 
> Bah, maybe I'm just thinking too much and worrying too much - I tend to do that, I did that throughout marriage driving ex to extensive lengths of frustration. Still, disappointing my daughter and breaking my promise to her with the split, not to mention the fact that I feel like I'm now secondary influence to her... bah!
> 
> I should have had some foresight before I decided to play with fire, the fire being a fking relationship while I'm a single dad. But alas, too late now, can only press forward, no regrets. Open wide the gates of hell!
> 
> /end vent


You'll always be a single dad if you never get into a relationship... it had to happen eventually, unless you want to be a single dad for the rest of your life.


----------



## RandomDude

True... guess I just fear change

Anyway thanks, I need to get it out of my system, I don't want to worry my GF with my stupid worries like I did with my ex.
Counsellor told me that the reason I worry so much when it comes to relationships is due to childhood experiences via abandonment or some such. GF has only seen the good of me when we were just FWBs. We haven't really connected on this level before. This might not last but, if we can keep our foundation of friendship strong, maybe...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> You'll always be a single dad if you never get into a relationship... it had to happen eventually, unless you want to be a single dad for the rest of your life.


You took the words right out of my mouth!


----------



## RandomDude

Someone shoot me now


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Someone shoot me now


Did something happen?


----------



## RandomDude

Nah just stress, ive decided to postpone


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Nah just stress, ive decided to postpone


It's impossible to control whatever happens between two people who are close to you, but their own people. You can only introduce them and let them sort things out. They have other things going on besides you, their relationship is not always going to involve you, centrally. You are only the common element that brings them together, after that they have to work their own magic, you are not responsible for the success or failure, only responsible for being a decent person and making introductions and also responsible for not meddling too much after that. 

You know, bowling is always a fun activity. Especially if you don't normally bowl, then it's hilarious. Plus everyone gets to check out everyone else's butts, and the group dynamics are AWESOME for this type of scenario, because every individual gets a time out while bowling, where the other two people get to be together, but not for very long. All possible permutations of 3 are accounted for, in small bites. Plus the butt-checking out...hahahaha. When we go bowling, we also use bowling names. I'm Frankie, for instance, one kid is Luigi, another is Mario, etc. It adds to the fun. Plus if you don't already have bowling names, you can help each other pick some out. It's a good way to get to know each other, and is a bonding experience that's unlikely to say, replicate something you did with daughter and her mom. 

I'm taking my kids and boyfriend out to brunch tomorrow, and after that the kids are taking us geocaching. I have to drive, boyfriend is just going to enjoy cruising around and checking out the scenery, the kids and getting his geo-spatial abilities back in gear. The kids will just do what they normally do, besides the geocaching they are always with their Rubik's cubes. Ironically, before they really got into solving them and competing in cube meets, they left a cube at the hospital as a manipulative for boyfriend. We are going to poke around his place tomorrow to see if we can find where it got to, apparently he still has it, just not sure which bag it's in. 

Dude, you worry too much. Get a bowling name and loosen up. 
Let the ladies handle their own convo and get to know you thing. 
You don't have to be in charge of everything. Just be fun and open-minded. Your kid will probably ask a lot of good questions. If you don't know the answer, just say, you don't know!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Introducing a woman that I don't have strong feelings for to my kids, as my girlfriend, would cause me stress as well. An unfair situation for said girlfriend and children.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah it's too soon, nonetheless I'm postponing. It appears the best course of action is to get the divorce over and done with first, before any such introductions.

It's been long enough, if ex wants to force a hearing by her refusal to accept her responsibility in the divorce then fine. I'm done waiting around, I have a good thing now and it's a good push to clear up unfinished business. Tired of being paranoid about ex poisoning my child if she gets even more resentful.

This may cause some friction as co-parents, but it may not. In the end I shouldn't have agreed so readily at GF's request, I got carried away with the momentum I did not stop to think of the consequences. But oh well, would be a good test now to see if GF can accept my baggage. If not then whatever.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Yeah it's too soon, nonetheless I'm postponing. It appears the best course of action is to get the divorce over and done with first, before any such introductions.


Good idea. I agree with this.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I know... I do it, too! Damn this high drive of mine...



I have a similar problem. It takes a lot for me to become interested in someone, but once I am, it's very hard not to be focused on sex or frustrated and disappointed when I'm not having it.

Also, Healer, I don't think you're being a player, just because you're ready to go back to the other woman. You've been forthcoming about the fact that you're dating around. You're not stringing along multiple people on false pretense and you're not gaming anyone without regard for who that person is, right?


----------



## moxy

Healer said:


> It's too ****ing stressful. I am looking for a girlfriend, not a string of lovers. Sadly I'll likely have to go through a string of lovers to find a girlfriend. It's a paradox!



I agree with these sentiments!!!


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Let's go, girl.
> 
> Let me grab mah things.
> 
> ...
> 
> Savannah it is.



Yall should move to Texas. 

Hemingway's cats, though...wouldn't it be something to see his house!?


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Nah just stress, ive decided to postpone



It's okay to wait until you're ready. You decided you wanted to be exclusive with her well before you discussed it with her. You've explained that you're not quick to accept change. Take some time to enjoy the new situation and adjust to it before you introduce s new variable. You don't have to have them meet yet, if it feels wrong. You may not be ready for the scrutiny. 

Remember that even if they do meet soon, it doesn't have to be some big production. You can just tell your daughter that you're dating someone, you don't know where it's going, but you'd like the two of them to meet each other; and, then, take them both to coffee or lunch or a movie or someplace your kid will feel comfortable. Schedule an endpoint to the meeting, keep it fairly short, and don't have big expectations of fireworks of instant bonding. It doesn't have to be a big thing.


----------



## ne9907

Things with navy guy are done. He hasn't been calling/texting for a while. I made a rule for myself. If I text a guy, I don't text again until he replies. He didn't. I am surprised that I doesn't hurt and I am not upset. We both were nice about it. 
Weird because I really really like him but If he can't give me what I want someone else will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

ne9907 said:


> Things with navy guy are done. He hasn't been calling/texting for a while. I made a rule for myself. If I text a guy, I don't text again until he replies. He didn't. I am surprised that I doesn't hurt and I am not upset. We both were nice about it.
> Weird because I really really like him but If he can't give me what I want someone else will.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What I find more weird is that you say you really really liked him, yet you were contemplating dumping him based on the fact that you might be out of work in a couple months.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> What I find more weird is that you say you really really liked him, yet you were contemplating dumping him based on the fact that you might be out of work in a couple months.


I don't find it weird at all. I would not date someone who is unemployed and I would not expect them to date me either. If I lose my job, I will not date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

I popped into this thread right around New Years, wishing for a random nubile to break into my house to deliver a kiss at midnight. Wishes don't always come true. So I'm bored at work, and catching up on interesting threads.

And then I saw this:



FeministInPink said:


> ....and I need a guy who is GGG. Not wasting my time with someone who's going to be stingy, because I'm going to give as much as I expect from my partner.


So, Pink, want to get a cup of coffee? Or maybe a roll in ze hay?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqClWdOcWog


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I don't find it weird at all. I would not date someone who is unemployed and I would not expect them to date me either. If I lose my job, I will not date.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So what you're saying is, when times get tough, you bail?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I bail. But it can be hard to keep up with the inflow of water when you're not using a bucket.


----------



## Fenix

Happy New Year, y'all!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hi Fenix, Happy New Year:smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> So what you're saying is, when times get tough, you bail?


No. 
If we are already in a strong relationship I will stay, if we are casually dating I might stay as long as he isn't asking me for loans and such. On my part, if I don't have a job I feel as if I cannot contribute to the relationship. I like to pay on dates or outings. It isn't fair for the man to pick up the check or pay for everything himself. 
I
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> No.
> If we are already in a strong relationship I will stay, if we are casually dating I might stay as long as he isn't asking me for loans and such. On my part, if I don't have a job I feel as if I cannot contribute to the relationship. I like to pay on dates or outings. It isn't fair for the man to pick up the check or pay for everything himself.
> I
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair doesn't really have anything to do with it. To bail on a 'relationship' because your financial situation has changed is a bit self centered. Sure, back down on the dating and the financial outlays, but that is far different than just bailing.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I understand where ne9907 is coming from though, with bailing because of a loss of employment. 


> I like to pay on dates or outings. It isn't fair for the man to pick up the check or pay for everything himself.


It's a pride thing. Argue it all you want, but that's what it boils down to. I ETS'd from the Navy in 2002. I spent most of that year out on the street. I was foolish. I didn't have a job lined up, had no money in savings, and had no terminal leave. On top of that, I was prideful. I had a lot of friends who would have bent over backwards to help me, if I had only asked. As it was, I was the one bending over backwards to make them think that everything was ok, and that I didn't need any help.

I was almost in the same position again three years later. The difference this time was that I had learned to swallow my pride in order to both accept offered help, and ask for needed help.

So maybe I'm in a relationship with some nubile lovely, things are going well, etc etc etc. Then she loses her job. I have a guest house that I would happily allow her to stay in, provided she help out around the house with the daily whatevers until she was once again gainfully employed. Because I've rented the guest house before, I already have a lease template, and it would only take a couple minutes to tweak it enough to fit the present situation.

And you know, she may be offended by that whole idea. Some of you may be as well. I've learned my lesson though. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, even if you choke on it a little as it goes down. If that turns out to be an unacceptable offer, I will still sleep easy knowing that I had offered the most help that I could. What the other person does with that offer is on them.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well, it took almost 3 years but it finally happened. Decided to take a gander on POF and there's my ex wife. Haha.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> Fair doesn't really have anything to do with it. To bail on a 'relationship' because your financial situation has changed is a bit self centered. Sure, back down on the dating and the financial outlays, but that is far different than just bailing.


We will agree to disagree. A relationship to me denotes a strong connection with someone. I am not "bailing" on someone I've only known for three months. I am simply making a choice not to see him until I am financially stable. The situation will be different if I have been dating him for a year or longer, as I would clearly be emotionally invested. 
We are all different, it takes me a long time to invest emotionally, it would take me even longer to invest my finances with a man. Perhaps I will never do it again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I think there needs to be a balance of power in a relationship early on until it's firmly established. After that there can be a see-saw because life is life. 

I waited until I was firmly established on my own to tell my friend I was single, because I knew we would become a couple and I wanted to be on my own that much longer, on my own two feet. Now the tables are turned a bit, he waited a bit longer than he could have to call me to make sure he could be okay on his own. That's fair enough and also understandable. 

It's difficult to establish a trust relationship with someone new when the balance of power is shifted, there is always the wonder even if not well founded, that perhaps the relationship is one of convenience. And really if you are into someone, you don't want to give them that feeling.

I think anyone who is employed should have at least 6 months of expenses in liquid assets that way your love life doesn't need to be dependent on your work life. And, it gives you a chance to show the other person, how you manage life's little issues, like unemployment, etc.

If you're living hand to mouth, not only will your date/partner wonder what your motives are, you might too! Or at least have to work harder to know, and even then you might not be so sure.

So I agree, with dating, if you don't have enough cash to carry through the long term without flinching or missing a beat, best not to date unless it's understood it's just for fun, that you're looking to kill time while you have it, and that you're not looking to establish anything long term.


----------



## RandomDude

Ex may be signing the forms folks, looks like divorce may not be so difficult after all while preserving our somewhat awkward resentful co-parenting arrangement and "friendship".

*touchwood*

Bah! Next thing I know daughter will hate me, GF will leave me cause of too much baggage, and ex decides at the last minute she would STILL refuse to sign! Ha! That would really fk up my life.


----------



## Lone Shadow

> Re: The singles of TAM
> Ex may be signing the forms folks, looks like divorce may not be so difficult after all while preserving our somewhat awkward resentful co-parenting arrangement and "friendship".
> 
> *touchwood*


I started reading this post and I was all :woohoo:


> Bah! Next thing I know daughter will hate me, GF will leave me cause of too much baggage, and ex decides at the last minute she would STILL refuse to sign! Ha! That would really fk up my life.


But then I got to this part and it became :banghead:

No matter which way it goes, I wish you the best.


----------



## RandomDude

Not to worry, that's just the worst case scenario. I tend to identify the worst case scenarios beforehand so when bad things do happen (and they don't normally happen that bad), I can just go "it could be worse" 

*touchwood*

I have to stop jinxing things!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I do the same thing, but my response is usually "eh, that's not so bad."

I invited Pink to coffee about a page back. No response yet. Oh well, not the end of the world.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I do the same thing, but my response is usually "eh, that's not so bad."
> 
> I invited Pink to coffee about a page back. No response yet. Oh well, not the end of the world.


Sorry, Lone Shadow... I'm not getting the thread updates right away for some reason, so I just saw it. I would never blow you off...


----------



## moxy

I have been visiting my family for the holidays and I'm heading back home tomorrow. I love them, but there is always so much drama and dysfunction and codependency, here. Today was extremely stressful and I feel totally wiped out, now, and unable to do any work tonight, so I have to make that up tomorrow. I wish I could make things right with my family before heading off, but, the tension is too high to resolve over coffee before I get on the road. It's hitting me weirdly hard today. I am struggling to fight off depression before it gets too bad. And somehow, I've gotta get a bunch of work together and get ready for a date with the translator tomorrow night. I'm nervous. I'm not feeling like myself or feeling confident, at all, but I think I should try to get over my feelings and not cancel. Either we will have a nice time, or we will awkwardly decide it isn't working; my anxiety over life stuff is making me feel less anxious about dating stuff. I used to be better at relationships in general, but when my marriage fell apart, everything else did, too; trying to date somehow dredges all those mangled emotions up for me, again.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Sorry, Lone Shadow... I'm not getting the thread updates right away for some reason, so I just saw it. I would never blow you off...


Woohoo!
You've got a pm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Good morning sunshines!~

Rememember that I told you things with navy are done. Yes, it has only been a couple of days (?? I forget, been really busy) but he has been sending me good morning messages ever since. I reply to them. No more converstation, just "Good morning "

On another news, anyone excited about watching "American Sniper"? I AM!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

American Sniper was a great movie.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> American Sniper was a great movie.


How is it that you already saw it? It does not come out until the 16th! Or have I lost track of time??


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> How is it that you already saw it? It does not come out until the 16th! Or have I lost track of time??


Came out xmas day.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Came out xmas day.


This one??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99k3u9ay1gs

Wow.... holy fvcking sh!t.... so it did...

I am totally lost haha, wow! I have been waiting for the 16th thinking that was the release date!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

You are seeing someone (we'll call S), fairly regularly. No talks to exclusivity yet but things going well.

S gifts you some nice things, you meet some family. Within an hour of this, and before you're set to hang with said family again, S is texting on phone. You're close enough to where you see "Can't wait to kiss you all over." and S's reply of "Me either" with kiss emoji. You can only see a phone number, no contact name saved and you ask who it is. S says it's his guy friend from out of state, that they joke around about stuff like this. You ask "out of state with a local (your) area code?" S says you can either believe him or not and puts phone in pockets, goes to bathroom. You're still upset cause you feel this is odd and S says you can either believe him or not and that he doesn't want to discuss further so you can choose to believe or not. Says he'd prob feel as you do for all the reasons you mentioned but that he was joking, it's no big deal.

What if it is a joke? But what if it isn't?

You have been out with others, too. You tell S that it's ok if he's seeing other people, you just would like to know. S maintains stance.

Later you inquire abut said friend and S says they "broke up" because he found out some "secrets." making you more confused. Makes comment about you still bringing it up.

Opinions is on this totally hypothetical situation?


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You are seeing someone (we'll call S), fairly regularly. No talks to exclusivity yet but things going well.
> 
> S gifts you some nice things, you meet some family. Within an hour of this, and before you're set to hang with said family again, S is texting on phone. You're close enough to where you see "Can't wait to kiss you all over." and S's reply of "Me either" with kiss emoji. You can only see a phone number, no contact name saved and you ask who it is. S says it's his guy friend from out of state, that they joke around about stuff like this. You ask "out of state with a local (your) area code?" S says you can either believe him or not and puts phone in pockets, goes to bathroom. You're still upset cause you feel this is odd and S says you can either believe him or not and that he doesn't want to discuss further so you can choose to believe or not. Says he'd prob feel as you do for all the reasons you mentioned but that he was joking, it's no big deal.
> 
> What if it is a joke? But what if it isn't?
> 
> You have been out with others, too. You tell S that it's ok if he's seeing other people, you just would like to know. S maintains stance.
> 
> Later you inquire abut said friend and S says they "broke up" because he found out some "secrets." making you more confused. Makes comment about you still bringing it up.
> 
> Opinions is on this totally hypothetical situation?


hypothetically speaking it is not a joke. S is seeing other people and choses not to divulge that information because he still wants to see you as well. In S mind, it is a competiton to see who the best woman will win, he is reward. He is dating multiple women to find the one who best suits him. If you do not mind that he is seeing other people, then you should not be jealous as you two have previously discussed you are allowed to see other people.
I would be hypothetically concerned that he is not being honest about the fact that he is indeed seeing someone else.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> You are seeing someone (we'll call S), fairly regularly. No talks to exclusivity yet but things going well.
> 
> S gifts you some nice things, you meet some family. Within an hour of this, and before you're set to hang with said family again, S is texting on phone. You're close enough to where you see "Can't wait to kiss you all over." and S's reply of "Me either" with kiss emoji. You can only see a phone number, no contact name saved and you ask who it is. S says it's his guy friend from out of state, that they joke around about stuff like this. You ask "out of state with a local (your) area code?" S says you can either believe him or not and puts phone in pockets, goes to bathroom. You're still upset cause you feel this is odd and S says you can either believe him or not and that he doesn't want to discuss further so you can choose to believe or not. Says he'd prob feel as you do for all the reasons you mentioned but that he was joking, it's no big deal.
> 
> What if it is a joke? But what if it isn't?
> 
> You have been out with others, too. You tell S that it's ok if he's seeing other people, you just would like to know. S maintains stance.
> 
> Later you inquire abut said friend and S says they "broke up" because he found out some "secrets." making you more confused. Makes comment about you still bringing it up.
> 
> Opinions is on this totally hypothetical situation?


Hypothetically, he sounds like a player. An out-of-state person with a local number could be legit (I've known a lot of people who've moved but kept their old cell phone number--with former area code--for simplicity's sake, and I would do the same if I moved), but if it's a friend with whom S feels comfortable enough making stupid gay jokes, then the number would be saved under the friend's name.

When the hypothetical you says it's OK if he's seeing other people (because presumably you haven't had the "exclusive" talk yet), he thinks you're playing games/trying to trick him, because in the eyes of the player, that's what women do. The player assumes everyone else is playing games because that is what he's always doing. He falsely believes that everyone's nature is the same as his.

He "broke up" with friend? Either he stopped seeing her, or is trying to get you to drop it. But the friend doesn't really exist.

Either way, 

1) the guy isn't being honest; 
2) Hypothetical you has met family more than once at this point, but he hasn't stepped up and said he wants to be exclusive, which is weird [you don't introduce girl to fam unless you see more happening, you just *don't*]; and 
3) his story was weak and he knew it, and when you doubted the story, he tried to turn it around on you and make you the bad guy for not believing a bullsh!t story.

(A real man would have either been honest about it, or [ETA: if he was into you and wanted more with you, and the story was true /ETA] gone to lengths to prove that his story wasn't as flimsy as it appeared, if he had any respect for you.)

Hypothetical you should let this loser go.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hypothetically, I agree with everyone else. 

Then again, if this is an entirely hypothetical situation, and you take real action, isn't that like being mad at someone for a dream?


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> You are seeing someone (we'll call S), fairly regularly. No talks to exclusivity yet but things going well.
> 
> S gifts you some nice things, you meet some family. Within an hour of this, and before you're set to hang with said family again, S is texting on phone. You're close enough to where you see "Can't wait to kiss you all over." and S's reply of "Me either" with kiss emoji. You can only see a phone number, no contact name saved and you ask who it is. S says it's his guy friend from out of state, that they joke around about stuff like this. You ask "out of state with a local (your) area code?" S says you can either believe him or not and puts phone in pockets, goes to bathroom. You're still upset cause you feel this is odd and S says you can either believe him or not and that he doesn't want to discuss further so you can choose to believe or not. Says he'd prob feel as you do for all the reasons you mentioned but that he was joking, it's no big deal.
> 
> What if it is a joke? But what if it isn't?
> 
> You have been out with others, too. You tell S that it's ok if he's seeing other people, you just would like to know. S maintains stance.
> 
> Later you inquire abut said friend and S says they "broke up" because he found out some "secrets." making you more confused. Makes comment about you still bringing it up.
> 
> Opinions is on this totally hypothetical situation?


So he totally lied to you, then kind of admitted it. Sounds like a **** to me. You know he's a player. But he also seems like an *******.

Hypothetically.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hypothetically, this sounds like it really happened. You should probably follow up by converting the hypothetical advice into real action.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> So he totally lied to you, then kind of admitted it. Sounds like a **** to me. You know he's a player. But he also seems like an *******.
> 
> Hypothetically.


While I am agreeing with all the "hypothetical" advice, I just wanted to chime in here to say...it annoys the crap out of me that we are not allowed to "curse" on this adult forum!


----------



## Jellybeans

Thanks guys for you ropinions on this hypothetical situation.

 



Healer said:


> So he totally lied to you, then kind of admitted it. Sounds like a **** to me. You know he's a player. But he also seems like an *******.
> 
> Hypothetically.


What was the last ******* supposed to mean? I couldn't make it out. :rofl:

To the men here - do you joke like this with your guy friends? Or as a man, do you say it's bollocks?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks guys for you ropinions on this hypothetical situation.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What was the last ******* supposed to mean? I couldn't make it out. :rofl:
> 
> To the men here - do you joke like this with your guy friends? Or as a man, do you say it's bollocks?


I think it was @sshole, though I would have chosen [email protected] myself. I do on occasion joke like that with some of my friends, but it's always verbal, loud, as crude as possible, and public. Never in the closet. And there is never any doubt that it's a joke to anyone who hears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Thanks guys for you ropinions on this hypothetical situation.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What was the last ******* supposed to mean? I couldn't make it out. :rofl:
> 
> To the men here - do you joke like this with your guy friends? Or as a man, do you say it's bollocks?


A**hole. And yes, it's ridiculous we can't curse on here.

No - I've never joked like that with my guy friends.


----------



## ne9907

My patience for situations like your hypothetical event is getting very low. I will definitely not end over backwards, or obsess over someone, or wonder if they are liying to me. Maybe I will let "the one" get away, but fvck it!
I am not putting up with a mans bvll**** for more than a few days. My time and emotions are too valuable to invest in someone who doesn't give me the same courtesy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

ne9907 said:


> We will agree to disagree. A relationship to me denotes a strong connection with someone. I am not "bailing" on someone I've only known for three months. I am simply making a choice not to see him until I am financially stable. The situation will be different if I have been dating him for a year or longer, as I would clearly be emotionally invested.
> We are all different, it takes me a long time to invest emotionally, it would take me even longer to invest my finances with a man. Perhaps I will never do it again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:bsflag:

I was actually looking for a shaking head emoticon but this was the closest one I could find. I am going to challenge you a bit, because I have been reading you for about 1 year. What you are doing is running. it isn't about investing. It is about maintaining those high walls you have until you feel you have the power. You do it any number of ways. You feel diminished because you do not have the power that comes with having a job. Would you expect navy is drop you if he lost his job? I am not saying lean on him or expect him to pay your way, I am saying dropping a friendship because you lost your job is bailing. Ultimately, it is cowardly because you feel less than. You have lost a job. Only. You have not lost anything that is YOU. Now, if he drifts away due to that job loss, then he does. Then, you know the kind of person he is. But, to shut it down simply because you feel vulnerable due to a job loss is cowardly. Sorry, but it is.


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> You are seeing someone (we'll call S), fairly regularly. No talks to exclusivity yet but things going well.
> 
> S gifts you some nice things, you meet some family. Within an hour of this, and before you're set to hang with said family again, S is texting on phone. You're close enough to where you see "Can't wait to kiss you all over." and S's reply of "Me either" with kiss emoji. You can only see a phone number, no contact name saved and you ask who it is. S says it's his guy friend from out of state, that they joke around about stuff like this. You ask "out of state with a local (your) area code?" S says you can either believe him or not and puts phone in pockets, goes to bathroom. You're still upset cause you feel this is odd and S says you can either believe him or not and that he doesn't want to discuss further so you can choose to believe or not. Says he'd prob feel as you do for all the reasons you mentioned but that he was joking, it's no big deal.
> 
> What if it is a joke? But what if it isn't?
> 
> You have been out with others, too. You tell S that it's ok if he's seeing other people, you just would like to know. S maintains stance.
> 
> Later you inquire abut said friend and S says they "broke up" because he found out some "secrets." making you more confused. Makes comment about you still bringing it up.
> 
> Opinions is on this totally hypothetical situation?


What FIP said. He is a player, and worse, a liar.



Healer said:


> A**hole. And yes, it's ridiculous we can't curse on here.
> 
> No - I've never joked like that with my guy friends.


The no cursing thing is a joke. 

I am not a guy, but I highly doubt straight guys joke like that with other guys. So, the dude might be gay or bi...but he is still a liar.


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> My patience for situations like your hypothetical event is getting very low. I will definitely not end over backwards, or obsess over someone, or wonder if they are liying to me. Maybe I will let "the one" get away, but fvck it!
> I am not putting up with a mans bvll**** for more than a few days. My time and emotions are too valuable to invest in someone who doesn't give me the same courtesy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with most of this. Only I would change "a mans bullsh!t" to just bullish!t in general. If "the one" is behaving like that, she can go be "the one" somewhere else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Agreed with others JB. If I joke with I guy friend it would be way over the top, not "can't wait to kiss you all over", but "yeah well you can **** on these nuts" (my own censorship added)
And as LS said, it would be loud, in public, and not over a text message.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Big get together. Group of us are in the kitchen, being obnoxious. I'm talking with S's BF over by the stove, and S is sitting at the table with a gaggle of other women. BF makes a comment to me about how there's something he wants to do, but S won't let him. So, quite loudly, from my leaning post by the stove, I tell S that she needs to give BF his cajones back. "Or at least let him dust them off and play with them for awhile."

Conversation stops.

S says that I must have some large cajones myself to be making demands of her like that. So, says I, "Yep, brass ones! And if I wore a kilt, they'd clang when I walk!" 

People laugh, conversation resumes.

Point is, that kind of joking around doesn't happen, even amongst opposite sex friends, via text. 

On another note, _channeling Joey Tribbiani..._ TGG, how you doin'?:rofl:


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans, I'd say that S is a liar and that by not admitting to talking to others, despite evidence, he demonstrates an untrustworthy and Douchey nature. He seems like he has cake-eater written under his skin. That may be my baggage talking, but such guarded defensiveness in a stance is shady.


----------



## Lone Shadow

No Moxy, you're wrong.


It's not written under his skin. It's tattooed across his forehead.


----------



## TooNice

JB, in retrospect, I should have been divorced YEARS ago. I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head every time he moved his phone when I leaned in, or gave me answers that I could justify at the time, but still just whittled away at me for weeks, months or years. And yep, some of those answers were, "it was just a joke", or "we were just goofing around". Yeah...

The next man who truly cares for me is going to have to accept that mutual trust is paramount for me going forward. And that little voice in my head? She's never going to be hushed again.

Listen to yours. If you're asking here, she's talking to you loud and clear.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lone Shadow said:


> Big get together. Group of us are in the kitchen, being obnoxious. I'm talking with S's BF over by the stove, and S is sitting at the table with a gaggle of other women. BF makes a comment to me about how there's something he wants to do, but S won't let him. So, quite loudly, from my leaning post by the stove, I tell S that she needs to give BF his cajones back. "Or at least let him dust them off and play with them for awhile."
> 
> Conversation stops.
> 
> S says that I must have some large cajones myself to be making demands of her like that. So, says I, "Yep, brass ones! And if I wore a kilt, they'd clang when I walk!"
> 
> People laugh, conversation resumes.
> 
> Point is, that kind of joking around doesn't happen, even amongst opposite sex friends, via text.
> 
> On another note, _channeling Joey Tribbiani..._ TGG, how you doin'?


Lol, Yep. And I'm not even remotely Italian. LS: "how YOU doin?!?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> JB, in retrospect, I should have been divorced YEARS ago. I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head every time he moved his phone when I leaned in, or gave me answers that I could justify at the time, but still just whittled away at me for weeks, months or years. And yep, some of those answers were, "it was just a joke", or "we were just goofing around". Yeah...
> 
> The next man who truly cares for me is going to have to accept that mutual trust is paramount for me going forward. And that little voice in my head? She's never going to be hushed again.
> 
> Listen to yours. If you're asking here, she's talking to you loud and clear.


Yup. Perfect.


----------



## Lone Shadow

On my mother's side, I'm West Coast Italian. On my father's side, I'm East Coast.. Sicilian. If you have any understanding of Italian culture, and Italian culture in the US, you will know right off that my lineage is a near impossibility. 

Italians and Sicilians don't get along. At all. 
East Coast and West Coast families also don't get along. At all.

As for inner voices, hmm. My inner voice must either be mute, or female, because I never hear it. :banghead:


----------



## Fenix

TooNice said:


> JB, in retrospect, I should have been divorced YEARS ago. I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head every time he moved his phone when I leaned in, or gave me answers that I could justify at the time, but still just whittled away at me for weeks, months or years. And yep, some of those answers were, "it was just a joke", or "we were just goofing around". Yeah...
> 
> The next man who truly cares for me is going to have to accept that mutual trust is paramount for me going forward. And that little voice in my head? She's never going to be hushed again.
> 
> Listen to yours. If you're asking here, she's talking to you loud and clear.


Sing it, sister!


----------



## Healer

I'm supposed to meet Guitar Girl for lunch tomorrow. I wonder if she'll grill me some - wanting to know why I didn't ask her out again back in November and what I've been up to. Hoping it goes well.


----------



## ne9907

Fenix said:


> :bsflag:
> 
> I was actually looking for a shaking head emoticon but this was the closest one I could find. I am going to challenge you a bit, because I have been reading you for about 1 year. What you are doing is running. it isn't about investing. It is about maintaining those high walls you have until you feel you have the power. You do it any number of ways. You feel diminished because you do not have the power that comes with having a job. Would you expect navy is drop you if he lost his job? I am not saying lean on him or expect him to pay your way, I am saying dropping a friendship because you lost your job is bailing. Ultimately, it is cowardly because you feel less than. You have lost a job. Only. You have not lost anything that is YOU. Now, if he drifts away due to that job loss, then he does. Then, you know the kind of person he is. But, to shut it down simply because you feel vulnerable due to a job loss is cowardly. Sorry, but it is.


Definitely running, Navy and I were never friends, we jumped right into something that I wasnt prepared, he probably did the same. I do not bail on friends, romantic relationships yes. BIG TIME. 
Strange thing, now that we are not romantically involved, Navy and I are talking more... 



TooNice said:


> JB, in retrospect, I should have been divorced YEARS ago. I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head every time he moved his phone when I leaned in, or gave me answers that I could justify at the time, but still just whittled away at me for weeks, months or years. And yep, some of those answers were, "it was just a joke", or "we were just goofing around". Yeah...
> 
> The next man who truly cares for me is going to have to accept that mutual trust is paramount for me going forward. And that little voice in my head? She's never going to be hushed again.
> 
> Listen to yours. If you're asking here, she's talking to you loud and clear.


I absolutely love this. On my part, i should have never gotten married in the first place.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lone Shadow said:


> I do on occasion joke like that with some of my friends, but it's always verbal, loud, as crude as possible, and public. Never in the closet. And there is never any doubt that it's a joke to anyone who hears.





Healer said:


> A**hole. And yes, it's ridiculous we can't curse on here.
> 
> No - I've never joked like that with my guy friends.


Word. 



ne9907 said:


> My patience for situations like your hypothetical event is getting very low.





TheGoodGuy said:


> Agreed with others JB. If I joke with I guy friend it would be way over the top, not "can't wait to kiss you all over", but "yeah well you can **** on these nuts" (my own censorship added)


:rofl:



TooNice said:


> JB, in retrospect, I should have been divorced YEARS ago. I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head every time he moved his phone when I leaned in, or gave me answers that I could justify at the time, but still just whittled away at me for weeks, months or years. And yep, some of those answers were, "it was just a joke", or


Well, it's funny because when I caught one of my exes perusing dating sites for sex, he also said "it was just a joke" and he was "being funny." Yeah. I know.

Thanks to ALL for the solid opinons/advice/take on the matter. 

I really honestly think that is a bat's chance in hell that he was texting like that with a friend and hypothetical me says it's BS. The thing is - no exclusivity talk yet. To me it's just bad form/ill manners to do that while someone you are seeing is sitting-right-next-to-you after you've just introduced them to your family.

Once a seed gets planted in my head...

Emotional attachments are had to knock off out of thin air. 

With that said, I am going to keep dating like all the other fabulous /non -relationshipped folks in this thread.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Jellybeans said:


> To me it's just bad form/ill manners to do that while someone you are seeing is sitting-right-next-to-you after you've just introduced them to your family.


That's the key right there. it IS bad form/ill manners and even flat out disrespectful. And if he's acting that way to your face, well, he's shown you who he is. Believe him.:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

Hmm. Had a date last night. It was interesting. Lots of conflicted feelings this morning. I think we'll get together again, next week, maybe. However, I have decided that there must be something wrong with me because my libido is never satisfied. 😳


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> With that said, I am going to keep dating like all the other fabulous /non -relationshipped folks in this thread.



That's a good attitude! Hypothetical cake eater isn't the only man out there. You have many to choose from.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Word.
> 
> 
> 
> I really honestly think that is a bat's chance in hell that he was texting like that with a friend and hypothetical me says it's BS. The thing is - no exclusivity talk yet. To me it's just bad form/ill manners to do that while someone you are seeing is sitting-right-next-to-you after you've just introduced them to your family.
> 
> .


Extremely bad manners, when I am out on a date, I expect the other person to keep his cell phone away! 
I actually went out on a date once, the guy was on his phone a lot, so I pulled out my own phone and say "Oh, we are playing with our cellphones, okay!" and beggan texting.
He got the hint and put his phone away.

Next time, I will be more assertive and tell him to put his phone away (unless it is an emergency).


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Hmm. Had a date last night. It was interesting. Lots of conflicted feelings this morning. I think we'll get together again, next week, maybe. However, I have decided that there must be something wrong with me because my libido is never satisfied. &#55357;&#56883;


Besides your libido not being satisfied, how was it? Is he dreamy? 


Btw, last sunday as I am driving back to my place on the freeway. Earlier that day I had talked to a friend about all the bs going at work, etc etc, he suggested I masturbate while driving. I did it and it was very intense!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> On my mother's side, I'm West Coast Italian. On my father's side, I'm East Coast.. Sicilian. If you have any understanding of Italian culture, and Italian culture in the US, you will know right off that my lineage is a near impossibility.
> 
> Italians and Sicilians don't get along. At all.
> East Coast and West Coast families also don't get along. At all.
> 
> As for inner voices, hmm. My inner voice must either be mute, or female, because I never hear it. :banghead:


Wait, you're Italian? 

* swoon *

Sei in sofferenza, ragazzo. Amo tutte le cose italiane 

ETA: One of my friends, her mom's family is Sicilian, and her Dad's family is east coast Italian... if I had a map, I could tell you from where. So you're rare, but not the only one.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Hmm. Had a date last night. It was interesting. Lots of conflicted feelings this morning. I think we'll get together again, next week, maybe. However, *I have decided that there must be something wrong with me because my libido is never satisfied.* 😳


There is NOTHING wrong with you. You just need a man who can keep up.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Besides your libido not being satisfied, how was it? Is he dreamy?
> 
> 
> Btw, last sunday as I am driving back to my place on the freeway. Earlier that day I had talked to a friend about all the bs going at work, etc etc, *he suggested I masturbate while driving. I did it and it was very intense!*


This sounds like a very bad idea to me. I also drive a manual and need both hands free, but even with an automatic... this sounds incredibly dangerous.


----------



## Jellybeans

It sounds like the movie CRASH, Ne. LOL



TheGoodGuy said:


> That's the key right there. it IS bad form/ill manners and even flat out disrespectful. And if he's acting that way to your face, well, he's shown you who he is. Believe him.:smthumbup:


Appreciate the words, GoodGuy. I like hearing the males' perspecties on male behavior. Ya'll all (male and female) confirmed it for me that it's weird and not cool.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Besides your libido not being satisfied, how was it? Is he dreamy?





FeministInPink said:


> There is NOTHING wrong with you. You just need a man who can keep up.




Dreamy? Sure, ne. Most would say so. He's very handsome, well-traveled in the world, polite, intelligent, sweet, cultured, hard-working, extremely fit (like my ex-h), very well-endowed, also ex-military (which I have recently discovered is very attractive to me) but not working-class, energetic, and jovial. He has a really beautiful smile and an adventurous spirit. 

But, I guess I like darkness and dominance in the bedroom and he treats me a little like I'll break if he's not careful. Maybe it's just that I'm not used to him yet. Maybe I just like it a little rougher and kinkier than he does. Maybe I just miss Guy, who was less fit and stuff in many ways but who really knew how to handle me. I don't know. He's not over his ex and I'm not over mine, so I guess it's possible that there's just some emotional distance there or something. We had a lot of fun, but I wanted several more hours of fun. 

Maybe you're right FIP; thank you for the affirmation.  I'm less frustrated than before, but still frustrated. I don't know what to make of it. Is it that the men I go out with can't keep up with me or that they're ultimately not bothered enough to try? Am I being too demanding? I don't know. Maybe I just need a harem of hotties instead of trying to get all that I want from just one person. SMH. 



ne9907 said:


> Btw, last sunday as I am driving back to my place on the freeway. Earlier that day I had talked to a friend about all the bs going at work, etc etc, he suggested I masturbate while driving. I did it and it was very intense!


Ne, getting yourself off while driving sounds really dangerous. What's the benefit?


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> Dreamy? Sure, ne. Most would say so. He's very handsome, well-traveled in the world, polite, intelligent, sweet, cultured, hard-working, extremely fit (like my ex-h), very well-endowed, also ex-military (which I have recently discovered is very attractive to me) but not working-class, energetic, and jovial. He has a really beautiful smile and an adventurous spirit.
> 
> But, I guess I like darkness and dominance in the bedroom and he treats me a little like I'll break if he's not careful. Maybe it's just that I'm not used to him yet. Maybe I just like it a little rougher and kinkier than he does. Maybe I just miss Guy, who was less fit and stuff in many ways but who really knew how to handle me. I don't know. He's not over his ex and I'm not over mine, so I guess it's possible that there's just some emotional distance there or something. We had a lot of fun, but I wanted several more hours of fun.
> 
> Maybe you're right FIP; thank you for the affirmation.  I'm less frustrated than before, but still frustrated. I don't know what to make of it. Is it that the men I go out with can't keep up with me or that they're ultimately not bothered enough to try? Am I being too demanding? I don't know. Maybe I just need a harem of hotties instead of trying to get all that I want from just one person. SMH.
> 
> 
> 
> Ne, getting yourself off while driving sounds really dangerous. What's the benefit?


Lovergirl, who I broke it off with back in October, was insatiable. We would do it several times a day/night and it was great.

I remember, I think it was the 2nd or 3rd time she came over for sex, and we did it up against the door, on the kitchen counter, up against the fridge, then eventually made it to the couch to finish off. I miss her as my lover. Malta wanted it all the time too, but she was not as good in bed. Probably an age thing...or not. Also, LG had pubic hair and malta was bald. I prefer some hair down there. I LOVE a landing strip. Sigh.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Malta wanted it all the time too, but she was not as good in bed. Probably an age thing...or not. Also, LG had pubic hair and malta was bald. I prefer some hair down there. I LOVE a landing strip. Sigh.


LOL. What age thing? Was Malta too young or old for your tastes?


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Ne, getting yourself off while driving sounds really dangerous. What's the benefit?


So is jumping out of perfectly good airplane~ I am kidding. I understand it is dangerous. There is no benefit. It was cool knowing that I can do it!


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> I remember, I think it was the 2nd or 3rd time she came over for sex, and we did it up against the door, on the kitchen counter, up against the fridge, then eventually made it to the couch to finish off. I miss her as my lover. Malta wanted it all the time too, but she was not as good in bed. Probably an age thing...or not. Also, LG had pubic hair and malta was bald. I prefer some hair down there. I LOVE a landing strip. Sigh.


Ouch.... poor Ms Malta, it must be that is younger and beautiful. A lot of young and beautiful people believe they do not have to work as hard as the rest of us mortals while having sex. They feel that we should ever be so lucky just to be having sex with them!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> A lot of young and beautiful people believe they do not have to work as hard as the rest of us mortals while having sex. They feel that we should ever be so lucky just to be having sex with them!


:rofl:

"Just lay there and look pretty, baby."


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Dreamy? Sure, ne. Most would say so. He's very handsome, well-traveled in the world, polite, intelligent, sweet, cultured, hard-working, extremely fit (like my ex-h), very well-endowed, also ex-military (which I have recently discovered is very attractive to me) but not working-class, energetic, and jovial. He has a really beautiful smile and an adventurous spirit.
> 
> But, I guess I like darkness and dominance in the bedroom and he treats me a little like I'll break if he's not careful. Maybe it's just that I'm not used to him yet. Maybe I just like it a little rougher and kinkier than he does. Maybe I just miss Guy, who was less fit and stuff in many ways but who really knew how to handle me. I don't know. He's not over his ex and I'm not over mine, so I guess it's possible that there's just some emotional distance there or something. We had a lot of fun, but I wanted several more hours of fun.
> 
> Maybe you're right FIP; thank you for the affirmation.  I'm less frustrated than before, but still frustrated. I don't know what to make of it. Is it that the men I go out with can't keep up with me or that they're ultimately not bothered enough to try? Am I being too demanding? I don't know. Maybe I just need a harem of hotties instead of trying to get all that I want from just one person. SMH.


Moxy, if you want it rough, tell him you want it rough. Tell him (when you're not in the bedroom--like, whisper it in his ear in a sexy way while you're waiting for your table at a restaurant, so he can't respond or do anything about it) what you want him to do with you.

Some men have been conditioned to treat us all like fragile little flowers, and they think all we want is "lovemaking" when what we really crave is a good hard fvck.

You know, depending on the situation, of course.

But you're just getting to know each other, and he probably just doesn't know what you want yet. I'll bet he's unsure and he's playing itself. Communicate, so that way you can at least have some hot sex while you're both busy pining over other people.

(Guy knew how to handle you because he knew you better and longer. That's all there is to it. Guy isn't as special as your nostalgia is making him out to be. I've fallen victim to that trap, too.)


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> "Just lay there and look pretty, baby."


Exactly!!

It also applies for men!!! Back before I was married, I was with some good looking sexy ass men who were worthless in the bedroom department (ok, we were a lot younger back then....)

I have been lucky so far after divorce.... Blue wasn't very attractive but he was excellent. Navy is way more aesthetically pleasing but he is okay.... he is a great kisser, smells so wonderful, better at other skills too...


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> "Just lay there and look pretty, baby."


I never understood this mentality... even when I was young, I was always up in it, no passivity for me! Another reason being with the XH sucked... all he ever wanted for me to do was "lie still and looked pretty." He didn't like ANYTHING that I did.

It makes me a little sad, all that sexual knowledge lost to the annals of my ill-fated marriage...


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. What age thing? Was Malta too young or old for your tastes?


Neither - I just mean maybe LG was better in bed because she was more experienced, a bit older (42 compared to 29). But I'm sure there are amazing 29 year old lovers and right rubbish 42 year old ones.


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> Ouch.... poor Ms Malta, it must be that is younger and beautiful. A lot of young and beautiful people believe they do not have to work as hard as the rest of us mortals while having sex. They feel that we should ever be so lucky just to be having sex with them!


She worked hard - she was exuberant for sure. But LG had finesse and that special touch...difficult to explain. Malta liked to climb on and ride me like a bucking bronco. For like 20 minutes at a time, to the point I had to pick her up, flip her around and change things up. She also sweat a lot, which was kinda hot.

LG had a certain sensuality while still being dirty. She also gave great head.


----------



## Healer

Apparently I have sex on the brain.


----------



## moxy

Healer, that's pretty common for this thread! 

FIP, you make some great points!  I will say more later after I think about them.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> It makes me a little sad, all that sexual knowledge lost to the annals of my ill-fated marriage...


The cool thing is - you can always make up for lost time 



Healer said:


> Malta liked to climb on and ride me like a bucking bronco.
> 
> LG had a certain sensuality while still being dirty. She also gave great head.


:smthumbup::rofl:


----------



## Healer

Imagine the trouble the lot of us would get into if we all got together and went out drinking.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Imagine the trouble the lot of us would get into if we all got together and went out drinking.


OMG, seriously!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Imagine the trouble the lot of us would get into if we all got together and went out drinking.


I'll be your wingman (wingwoman).


----------



## Jellybeans

Vegas weekend for the Singles of TAM crew. HAHA


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Vegas weekend for the Singles of TAM crew. HAHA


Haha, we could wear tshirts with our user names so we can identify each other! :rofl:


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Vegas weekend for the Singles of TAM crew. HAHA



Oh, that would be really fun!


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, we could wear tshirts with our user names so we can identify each other! :rofl:



Or, buttons, pinned in such a way as to get us in trouble. 

http://www.moxyandtheinfluence.com/...com/EasySiteStoreItem_27038_1L.jpg?id=3142549


----------



## moxy

Hmm. I don't know how to include a image.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> I'll be your wingman (wingwoman).


Wingwoman? Don't need one. I'll have my own harem of TAM babes.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Wingwoman? Don't need one. I'll have my own harem of TAM babes.


I am out ..... 

I am posting a new photo of navy guy, the one he sent me on NYE, on my album.

I know this horse has been beat to death, but I get the feeling he wants to be friends and I do as well. I see all the complications arising from staying friends, but I feel that perhaps in the future when we are better prepare for a relationship we can give it a shot.

What do you all think?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> I am out .....
> 
> I am posting a new photo of navy guy, the one he sent me on NYE, on my album.
> 
> I know this horse has been beat to death, but I get the feeling he wants to be friends and I do as well. I see all the complications arising from staying friends, but I feel that perhaps in the future when we are better prepare for a relationship we can give it a shot.
> 
> What do you all think?


I think you can't be alone for more than a month.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> I think you can't be alone for more than a month.


hmm
Lets see...
I was alone from April 2013 to March 2014
Then for about two weeks last year.....

You might be right! I am in love with the idea of love.... I blame it on Tinder!


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Wait, you're Italian?
> 
> * swoon *
> 
> Sei in sofferenza, ragazzo. Amo tutte le cose italiane
> 
> ETA: One of my friends, her mom's family is Sicilian, and her Dad's family is east coast Italian... if I had a map, I could tell you from where. So you're rare, but not the only one.


Si, Io sono Italiano. But I was raised in an english speaking household, and don't speak the language beyond getting myself in trouble.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Dreamy? Sure, ne. Most would say so. He's very handsome, well-traveled in the world, polite, intelligent, sweet, cultured, hard-working, extremely fit (like my ex-h), very well-endowed, also ex-military (which I have recently discovered is very attractive to me) but not working-class, energetic, and jovial. He has a really beautiful smile and an adventurous spirit.


Wait just a damn minute! I don't remember going out on a date last night.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Vegas weekend for the Singles of TAM crew. HAHA


This needs to happen. I call dibs on Healer. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> This needs to happen. I call dibs on Healer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:whip:


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> :whip:


Yes, please


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Si, Io sono Italiano. But I was raised in an english speaking household, and don't speak the language beyond getting myself in trouble.


So you can teach me all the bad words, and I'll teach you the rest


----------



## Lone Shadow

I didn't even say bad words. Just trouble. I can.. flirt.. a little.

I agree that Vegas needs to happen. I'll wrestle you for dibs on Healer. Win, lose, or draw, I may let you have him anyway.:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I didn't even say bad words. Just trouble. I can.. flirt.. a little.
> 
> I agree that Vegas needs to happen. I'll wrestle you for dibs on Healer. Win, lose, or draw, I may let you have him anyway.:smthumbup:


I think you just want a chance to wrestle me


----------



## Lone Shadow

I cannot tell a lie.. I forget how the rest of it goes...

Nekkid, with oil. :whip: Hafta keep your clothes clean. Can you believe the inequality that women suffer at the cleaners?:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I cannot tell a lie.. I forget how the rest of it goes...
> 
> Nekkid, with oil. :whip: Hafta keep your clothes clean. Can you believe the inequality that women suffer at the cleaners?:rofl:


Oh, myyy. *fans self* It's getting a little warm in here.

Healer, you might need to step it up a notch if you want to keep up...


----------



## Lone Shadow

Pink, this Guinea knows his way around a kitchen, and doesn't burn easy.:FIREdevil:


----------



## moxy

I need to go to the gym, but my body is objecting. So, I'm at home and working. Getting back to work after the holidays always takes a bit of getting used to, doesn't it?


----------



## Lone Shadow

With everything I've got going on, I frequently feel the need to explode into random acts of violence. I have a thick rope in my garage to help me with that. 

I don't have any difficulties with working out. I just pick up the rope and explode. My garage is a little on the large side, and it's unfinished inside. This allows for me to use the rope for climbing as well.


----------



## TooNice

Jellybeans said:


> Vegas weekend for the Singles of TAM crew. HAHA


OMG. Can you even imagine how much fun we could have??

:rofl: :smthumbup:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Far more fun than we're having now. Did you see that I went on a date with Moxy yesterday? She must have really blown my mind, because I can't remember any of it.. but I'm sore in strange places. 

0.o


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Far more fun than we're having now. Did you see that I went on a date with Moxy yesterday? She must have really blown my mind, because I can't remember any of it.. but I'm sore in strange places.
> 
> 0.o



Blowing minds is a skill that I have. 😜


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Blowing minds is a skill that I have. 😜


One of the MANY, from what I hear...


----------



## TooNice

Argh. I'm amazed that at 43 years of age, I can still feel like a dorky preteen when it comes to men. Although, I suppose it's nice to know that some things don't change. 
Here's the deal:
There is a boy I have liked for some time. (He's 13 years my junior.) I have a professional relationship with him, but we don't work together. I consider him to be a friend, too. Last summer, we ended up at a few summertime events together. At one, we even held hands and cuddled at a concert. Some of my friends have seen us together at said events, and they are sure he likes me. He is never, inappropriate when we talk or text, and when we've met for coffee and such, I usually initiate it, but he seems happy to meet up.

I like this guy. He's sweet and kind and attentive. 

My theory is that he:
a) is a somewhat religious young man. The church he goes to is one where they don't usually encourage pursuit in dating...more of a let it happen approach. 
b) is waiting for my divorce to be final. I've always been up front with him about where I am in the process, including during the summer months when this started. 

Or c) he's just not into me that way. But even my male friends think that doesn't ring true.

Nights like tonight, I've had a couple of glasses of wine, and practically have to write out on lined school paper:
I will not message him.//I will not message him.//I will not message him.

It's ridiculous. I'm coming up on the time of year when I know I will see him at several planned community events, so I know that's coming. And my divorce will be final during that time, so I'm trying hard to just be patient and see what happens. I'm certainly not in a position to rush anything, but dang, patience is hard sometimes. 

There's really no point to this, except to vent. Although, sage advice won't be turned down! At the very least, typing this helped me successfully avoid messaging him!


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> One of the MANY, from what I hear...



Lol. Procrastinating to avoid confronting the end of my vacation is yet another! 😛


----------



## moxy

TooNice, why not just ask him out for coffee or something. Nothing wrong with hanging out.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> TooNice, why not just ask him out for coffee or something. Nothing wrong with hanging out.


Thanks, Moxy! I have... And we had a lovely time. I just feel like I need to step carefully and not scare him away!


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> One of the MANY, from what I hear...


I love a _talented_ woman.:whip:

TooNice, I think I have your whole issue with boychic condensed enough to nutshell it. Ready? It's going to be quick, so don't miss it...

You are an attractive, mature, _*confident*_ woman, and boychic is intimidated. Not enough that he's incapacitated, but more like just enough that he is unable to initiate.

You may have to borrow a move from Pink. Sit in his lap, wiggle around, and plant one on him. If that doesn't work, all I can say is, my lap is available.:rofl:


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> If that doesn't work, all I can say is, my lap is available.


Always nice to have options...


----------



## Lone Shadow

Happy to help in any way I can.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> You may have to borrow a move from Pink. Sit in his lap, wiggle around, and plant one on him.


Sir, you must have me confused with someone else. My moves are MUCH smoother than that. What you describe is amateur hour compared to my moves.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I never claimed to have a clue. It's very possible that I have you confused with someone else. 

My moves on the other hand... Abbot and Costello anyone?


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Argh. I'm amazed that at 43 years of age, I can still feel like a dorky preteen when it comes to men. Although, I suppose it's nice to know that some things don't change.
> Here's the deal:
> There is a boy I have liked for some time. (He's 13 years my junior.) I have a professional relationship with him, but we don't work together. I consider him to be a friend, too. Last summer, we ended up at a few summertime events together. At one, we even held hands and cuddled at a concert. Some of my friends have seen us together at said events, and they are sure he likes me. He is never, inappropriate when we talk or text, and when we've met for coffee and such, I usually initiate it, but he seems happy to meet up.
> 
> I like this guy. He's sweet and kind and attentive.
> 
> My theory is that he:
> a) is a somewhat religious young man. The church he goes to is one where they don't usually encourage pursuit in dating...more of a let it happen approach.
> b) is waiting for my divorce to be final. I've always been up front with him about where I am in the process, including during the summer months when this started.
> 
> Or c) he's just not into me that way. But even my male friends think that doesn't ring true.
> 
> Nights like tonight, I've had a couple of glasses of wine, and practically have to write out on lined school paper:
> I will not message him.//I will not message him.//I will not message him.
> 
> It's ridiculous. I'm coming up on the time of year when I know I will see him at several planned community events, so I know that's coming. And my divorce will be final during that time, so I'm trying hard to just be patient and see what happens. I'm certainly not in a position to rush anything, but dang, patience is hard sometimes.
> 
> There's really no point to this, except to vent. Although, sage advice won't be turned down! At the very least, typing this helped me successfully avoid messaging him!


I watched a movie last night, and it had a line that resonated with me:

"You will have to be nice to me, I havent decided if I like you yet."
She said it in a flirtatious way but you get the point.
I am normally a very straight shooter when it comes to telling people what I want and how I feel. 
I am inclined to believe this is a mistake at the beginning of a relationship. For God's sake! I told navy how much I liked him and still got lukewarm responses. Now things are different, we are not together at all, and he has been sending "good morning messages"

If he likes you enough, he will make a move! However, you could be right, he could be waiting until your divorce goes through. If this is the case, wait. Respect his decision.

EDIT: Comminication is the key. Ask him what his motives are, tell him you enjoy his company but are curious to know.


----------



## Lone Shadow

NE, I may be wrong here, and expect that I might be. That said however, I think that in navy's mind, he's back in chase mode. See, he had you before, and so he stopped pursuing you. Now he doesn't have you, so he's gone back to the pursuit, maybe on a slightly different tack this time.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> NE, *I may be wrong here*, and expect that I might be. That said however, I think that in navy's mind, he's back in chase mode. See, he had you before, and so he stopped pursuing you. Now he doesn't have you, so he's gone back to the pursuit, maybe on a slightly different tack this time.


No, I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.


----------



## Lone Shadow

On another note - School was cancelled today due to snow. The school's automated system calls at 5am. The phone ringing woke up D1. So yeah.. she's been up since 5 this morning. Hopefully she will take a long nap, so I can do the same. I have to work tonight.

My backup plan incase she doesn't nap? One of my sitters is coming over at noon. Have I mentioned before how much I love my sitters? They're amazing.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> No, I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head.


I thought so. Good to have independent validation though. 

And Pink, I'm going to hold you to that offer to teach me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I thought so. Good to have independent validation though.
> 
> And Pink, I'm going to hold you to that offer to teach me.


Wait, what am I teaching you? Italian? I actually only know a little. I'm still learning. You might know more than I.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yes, Italian. I'm going to start learning it myself. I also want to take up salsa dancing. I can't make a weekly class with my work schedule though, because it rotates every week.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Yes, Italian. I'm going to start learning it myself. I also want to take up salsa dancing. I can't make a weekly class with my work schedule though, because it rotates every week.


Well, I need someone to practice Italian with! Good times


----------



## Lone Shadow

Come stai, Bella? 

I don't like going into DC though. I don't even go inside the beltway if I can help it. You'll have to do some serious convincing.:whip:


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, we could wear tshirts with our user names so we can identify each other! :rofl:


It will be easy to spot me. 












Healer said:


> Wingwoman? Don't need one.* I'll have my own harem of TAM babes*.


Yeah, you will! :smthumbup:



TooNice said:


> Argh. I'm amazed that at 43 years of age, I can still feel like a dorky preteen when it comes to men. Although, I suppose it's nice to know that some things don't change.
> 
> Nights like tonight, I've had a couple of glasses of wine, and practically have to write out on lined school paper:
> I will not message him.//I will not message him.//I will not message him.


This made me smile. Yeah, no matter our age, we always feel slightly STUPID with the opposite sex. 

I think you should ask him out.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I always thought it was just a Hollywood movie thing, getting lost in the moment with someone. Then again before my separation I honestly don't think I was personally capable of it. That had nothing to do with my ex, I was just incapable.

There were a few times with Petite where she would be talking and I'd genuinely get lost in the way she'd express things. Once I even forgot what she was talking about as I watched her. Haha.

It was a refreshing feeling to know that after everything that's happened, I wasn't completely scorned.


----------



## Jellybeans

Time.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Come stai, Bella?
> 
> I don't like going into DC though. I don't even go inside the beltway if I can help it. You'll have to do some serious convincing.:whip:


Ah, cosi cosi. Sto po'stanca, perche sta sera ho dormito troppo tardi. Necessito un molto grande espresso!


----------



## Jellybeans

Me, too.

But coffee.


----------



## moxy

Pet peeve: guys who say "I'm an alpha." I say, "unless you can demonstrate your ability to be in command without looking like a douche, get to fvck." Ugh. I do not have time to waste on guys that just wanna be dominant but have no clue how to handle it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Me, too.
> 
> But coffee.


JB, do YOU speak Italian?


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Pet peeve: guys who say "I'm an alpha." I say, "unless you can demonstrate your ability to be in command without looking like a douche, get to fvck." Ugh. I do not have time to waste on guys that just wanna be dominant but have no clue how to handle it.


A true alpha has no need to say it, but just IS.


----------



## vi_bride04

moxy said:


> Pet peeve: guys who say "I'm an alpha." I say, "unless you can demonstrate your ability to be in command without looking like a douche, get to fvck." Ugh. I do not have time to waste on guys that just wanna be dominant but have no clue how to handle it.


Dominance in the bedroom is where I like to have them demonstrate.

I am like you with the kinky rough stuff and realize I will need that with a partner to feel satisfied. 

Anyone who can't f*ck me and take control when I say "oooh please just f*ck me how you want it" is not someone I would want to be involved with. 

Speaking of which, I was dominated just the way I like it last night. Being sore in all the right places....mmmmmm mmmmmm!!! reminds me of who was in charge last night. Such a turn on.


----------



## RandomDude

Last few days I've just been pulling my GF inside as soon as she shows up at my doorstep, then stripping, spreading and ramming her on the spot.

It's the weather and she's wearing too little (summer here down under)... I can't take it! She might as well have tattooed "fk me now" on her forehead.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Dominance in the bedroom is where I like to have them demonstrate.
> 
> I am like you with the kinky rough stuff and realize I will need that with a partner to feel satisfied.
> 
> Anyone who can't f*ck me and take control when I say "oooh please just f*ck me how you want it" is not someone I would want to be involved with.
> 
> Speaking of which, I was dominated just the way I like it last night. Being sore in all the right places....mmmmmm mmmmmm!!! reminds me of who was in charge last night. Such a turn on.


:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Last few days I've just been pulling my GF inside as soon as she shows up at my doorstep, then stripping, spreading and ramming her on the spot.



Now, that's the right idea!


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> Dominance in the bedroom is where I like to have them demonstrate.
> 
> I am like you with the kinky rough stuff and realize I will need that with a partner to feel satisfied.
> 
> Anyone who can't f*ck me and take control when I say "oooh please just f*ck me how you want it" is not someone I would want to be involved with.
> 
> Speaking of which, I was dominated just the way I like it last night. Being sore in all the right places....mmmmmm mmmmmm!!! reminds me of who was in charge last night. Such a turn on.



Hell, yeah. Dominance in the bedroom and wrapped around my finger in life. Yeah. That could work. 

Lucky you! 

I'm still sore a couple days after my date, so that's good, but I think I need to teach him how to talk dirty, or at least let him know how much I'd value it if he did so in person instead of only on the phone.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Last few days I've just been pulling my GF inside as soon as she shows up at my doorstep, then stripping, spreading and ramming her on the spot.
> 
> It's the weather and she's wearing too little (summer here down under)... I can't take it! She might as well have tattooed "fk me now" on her forehead.


RD... that's really hot. I think you just made all the ladies on Singles of TAM swoon a little bit.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno




----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> RD... that's really hot. I think you just made all the ladies on Singles of TAM swoon a little bit.


Hell, Woman. *I* swooned. Why? Because yeah. That's why. Sometimes I just want to push you up against the wall, but then sometimes I want my body worshipped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Ah, cosi cosi. Sto po'stanca, perche sta sera ho dormito troppo tardi. Necessito un molto grande espresso!


Are you as addicted to coffee as I am? I know that I wouldn't be able to function without it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Are you as addicted to coffee as I am? I know that I wouldn't be able to function without it.


I'm not addicted, but I enjoy a cuppa from time to time. More so if I'm tired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not addicted, but I enjoy a cuppa from time to time. More so if I'm tired.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tried to quit caffeine before. The headache lasted for a week. After that was gone, I still couldn't function. I couldn't think right, speak right, write right. I was terribly lethargic, and just all-round incapable of performing up to par. I quit quitting caffeine after a month. Functional ever since.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD... that's really hot. I think you just made all the ladies on Singles of TAM swoon a little bit.


Lol really? Tis just last few days


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Lol really? Tis just last few days



Objectifying all women in general is icky, but objectifying the woman that you've got a thing for in the moment because you've got the hots for her and some feelings too is a different story. Passion makes people swoon. 

And, most of us are happy for you, RD, that things are good with you and your woman.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Some objectification between partners can be healthy. On top of that, I permit myself one sexist remark per day. Usually a quip about suffering from the "female condition."


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmm passion


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmm passion


I'm overflowing with it the last couple days. I filed my D papers yesterday, BM should have been served today, and I'm meeting someone for dinner on my way into work tomorrow evening. If the weather was warmer, I would be driving one of my VW's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Oooooo just filing, huh? Welcome to the beginning of the journey of going through divorce.

I've been officially divorced over 2yrs already  time flies


----------



## Lone Shadow

Thank you, but it's beginning for some time now. We separated Oct of 2013. I received sole custody of the children in June of 2014.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Lol really? Tis just last few days


Oh, yeah. Ask your GF. She'll tell you it's totally hot.

There is nothing more appealing to a woman than knowing her man finds her so attractive and sexy that he is compelled to rip her clothes off and have her the minute she walks in the door. It's very primal, and totally alpha.


----------



## RandomDude

In truth I was just horny lol


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> In truth I was just horny lol


Don't tell *HER* that! Just let her enjoy it


----------



## RandomDude

Heh well she hasn't complained I guess  

Some women dont like it though, and I can be rather aggressive when I have the green light. Especially with what she's been wearing lately...


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Heh well she hasn't complained I guess
> 
> Some women dont like it though, and I can be rather aggressive when I have the green light. Especially with what she's been wearing lately...


Since you have treated the women of this thread to a swoon, how about treating the men? Post pics of the GF in what she's been wearing lately! :smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

It's summer over here down under mate, so I'm sure you can guess


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm aware of the season. I made the mistake of going from an equatorial island to Sydney in August. Froze my ass off. Then I hopped a train and went up to Cairns and spent a week out on Little Fitz diving.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Mmmmmm..... Car pr0n. Work safe, I promise.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> However, you could be right, he could be waiting until your divorce goes through. If this is the case, wait. Respect his decision.
> 
> EDIT: Comminication is the key. Ask him what his motives are, tell him you enjoy his company but are curious to know.


I think my plan right now is to wait until my divorce is final, see him at the upcoming events, and just see what happens. If I find myself in a place where I have the opportunity to ask his motives then, I will. 

And I will not text him when I've been drinking.

:biggrinangelA:


----------



## Lone Shadow

There's no reason to ask his motives. We have already provided you with that information.

You drunk text? There's a number I want to give you...


----------



## ne9907

I like drunk texting!
Blue liked it as well, he would actually enjoy them. Never tried that **** with Navy, he is just stoic (can I use that word in this particular sentence)
If not, I am sure you get my point. 
Navy guy is sexier though ....

I can't sleep!!! damn you 'Morpheus
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Don't worry about not being able to sleep. I'm here all night, you can keep me company.

I don't have a problem with drinking, I just don't like to get drunk. 

Up until recently, I didn't even have text service on my phone. I was too cheap to pay for it. I have it now though. Too many missed messages from people who would rather text than call.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, yeah. Ask your GF. She'll tell you it's totally hot.
> 
> There is nothing more appealing to a woman than knowing her man finds her so attractive and sexy that he is compelled to rip her clothes off and have her the minute she walks in the door. It's very primal, and totally alpha.



And, it's alpha without needing to say it's alpha.


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Don't worry about not being able to sleep. I'm here all night, you can keep me company.
> 
> I don't have a problem with drinking, I just don't like to get drunk.
> 
> Up until recently, I didn't even have text service on my phone. I was too cheap to pay for it. I have it now though. Too many missed messages from people who would rather text than call.



I prefer texting to talking unless I'm having a long conversation.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I could do without texting. I spend close to 4 hours a day in the car. Call me. I won't even notice that you sent a text until I get where I'm going.


----------



## TooNice

I do enjoy drunk texting...it can be very fun.  I prefer taking to texting as a general rule, but like I said, he's a bit younger than I am. When in Rome...


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice said:


> I do enjoy drunk texting...it can be very fun.  I prefer taking to texting as a general rule, but like I said, he's a bit younger than I am. When in Rome...


Do a Roman? 

And to the "alpha" comments: pbsbsbsbst! Just a healthy dose of unrestrained passion. Just like being out somewhere and grabbing her by a jacket lapel with one hand and pulling her in to plant one on her. Free hand snaking around her waist like so. Alpha shmalpha. Confidence. 

...yes, I'm aware that im making the same argument. Doesn't bother me because you still liked it.  

I'm off to bed. My night ended rough. G'night Ladies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Do a Roman?
> 
> And to the "alpha" comments: pbsbsbsbst! Just a healthy dose of unrestrained passion. Just like being out somewhere and grabbing her by a jacket lapel with one hand and pulling her in to plant one on her. Free hand snaking around her waist like so. Alpha shmalpha. Confidence.
> 
> ...yes, I'm aware that im making the same argument. Doesn't bother me because you still liked it.
> 
> I'm off to bed. My night ended rough. G'night Ladies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shadow, what you describe IS totally alpha. Confidence, alpha, it's all the same thing... the only difference is semantics.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I like drunk texting!
> Blue liked it as well, he would actually enjoy them. Never tried that **** with Navy, he is just stoic (can I use that word in this particular sentence)
> If not, I am sure you get my point.
> Navy guy is sexier though ....
> 
> I can't sleep!!! damn you 'Morpheus
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ne, did you drunk text Blue? WTF? Why is his number doing in your phone at all?

Do you not remember that he cheated on his wife with you? And lied to you? And hurt you?


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Ne, did you drunk text Blue? WTF? Why is his number doing in your phone at all?
> 
> Do you not remember that he cheated on his wife with you? And lied to you? And hurt you?


I am sorry! I should have specified!!! No, I have not drunk texted him since things ended. I was talking about the past 


Last night I couldnt sleep, so I went for a drive. As I was driving down the highway, I saw an 18 wheeler ahead moving slower than the speed limit, so I moved to the left lane to pass. After I passed, I moved to the right and that is when things got a bit dicey!
The driver shone his bright lines at me!!! Then he began flashing said lights, and tailgating me!!

I speed up and lost him... then promptly exited to a nearby Dennys and ordered some breakfast~

Which is another funny story. The waitress forgot to charge my order told me it was free, but I insisted on paying for my food. She could not find my original ticket so charged me only $2.61 USD. I left her a good tip.

I feel as if the universe smiled at me after what that truck driver put me through 

EDIT: actually Blue did texted me about two weeks ago, he was reminiscing our sexy times. My reply was rude and sarcastic, he didnt like that. It doesnt matter.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Shadow, what you describe IS totally alpha. Confidence, alpha, it's all the same thing... the only difference is semantics.


Yes yes. That's why I said that I was aware that it's the same argument. Besides, I like semantics. They're a lot like tongue twisters. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

So, the guy that I was talking to but unsure I wanted to go out with because of his flirtatious comments on social media still texts me. He wants to go out sometime and I said I would, the next time I'm in his town, which is a couple of hours from me. I have been busy and have not been to his town in a while. He's attractive and sweet and we would have fun, but I doubt it would work for the long term and so I haven't made it a priority to change my schedule to go up there. From what I can tell, he acts like he's only interested in a casual thing, too. He texted me a sort of guilt trip, complaining that I haven't come there to see him. This makes me feel uncomfortable. We only talk once in a while and if he wanted to get to know me, he could easily text or call me or even come down to visit me himself, but it seems like he feels that I owe him for his patience and that doesn't make me feel great. Have you guys been guilt tripped by people you are just casually talking to? And, what would you say or do in response? This is not the first guy to behave this way in recent months and it's strange, to me. It turns me off because it turns an invitation into obligation. By the way, this is not the guy I had a date with recently; my date came out to see me and took the initiative to make it convenient for me.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> So, the guy that I was talking to but unsure I wanted to go out with because of his flirtatious comments on social media still texts me. He wants to go out sometime and I said I would, the next time I'm in his town, which is a couple of hours from me. I have been busy and have not been to his town in a while. He's attractive and sweet and we would have fun, but I doubt it would work for the long term and so I haven't made it a priority to change my schedule to go up there. From what I can tell, he acts like he's only interested in a casual thing, too. He texted me a sort of guilt trip, complaining that I haven't come there to see him. This makes me feel uncomfortable. We only talk once in a while and if he wanted to get to know me, he could easily text or call me or even come down to visit me himself, but it seems like he feels that I owe him for his patience and that doesn't make me feel great. Have you guys been guilt tripped by people you are just casually talking to? And, what would you say or do in response? This is not the first guy to behave this way in recent months and it's strange, to me. It turns me off because it turns an invitation into obligation. By the way, this is not the guy I had a date with recently; my date came out to see me and took the initiative to make it convenient for me.


Welcome to the instant gratification society. 

When I first started dating BM, we were living about 200 miles apart. I drove up to her place every weekend. And she was surprised, every weekend. It was about 3 months before she made the drive down to my place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> So, the guy that I was talking to but unsure I wanted to go out with because of his flirtatious comments on social media still texts me. He wants to go out sometime and I said I would, the next time I'm in his town, which is a couple of hours from me. I have been busy and have not been to his town in a while. He's attractive and sweet and we would have fun, but I doubt it would work for the long term and so I haven't made it a priority to change my schedule to go up there. From what I can tell, he acts like he's only interested in a casual thing, too. He texted me a sort of guilt trip, complaining that I haven't come there to see him. This makes me feel uncomfortable. We only talk once in a while and if he wanted to get to know me, he could easily text or call me or even come down to visit me himself, but it seems like he feels that I owe him for his patience and that doesn't make me feel great. Have you guys been guilt tripped by people you are just casually talking to? And, what would you say or do in response? This is not the first guy to behave this way in recent months and it's strange, to me. It turns me off because it turns an invitation into obligation. By the way, this is not the guy I had a date with recently; my date came out to see me and took the initiative to make it convenient for me.


yes

I know someone like that, we met back in July. We went on a couple of dates but nothing significant happened. He lives two hours away from me. Sometimes I feel bad because I rely on him for emotional support, we have never kissed, just gone out to dinner when I am in his town etc.

He is okay but too eager, he has mentioned multiple times that he would like to get married again. I told him I would not, he is in a rush to get married, to build something, I am not interested.

The other day I asked him for a favor, I cannot remember what it was, he in turn asked me for a "favor" as well: A photo of me, not naked, but something that I would send to someone I am attracted to. I told him I simply could not do that, i said I liked him but I had my reservations (different lifestyles). 

I tried to make me feel guilty, but I voiced to him how I dislike when people try to make me feel guilty because of their own agenda. He stopped. He hasnt called me in a while, but has said that if I ever need anything to give him a call.

My work is so overwhelming at the moment. I feel like crying, or having a strong drink, or having rough sex. 

Ugh..... I am having a weird time, on one hand I am extremely happy, on the other I am extremely stressed at work!!!


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Welcome to the instant gratification society.
> 
> 
> 
> When I first started dating BM, we were living about 200 miles apart. I drove up to her place every weekend. And she was surprised, every weekend. It was about 3 months before she made the drive down to my place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Wow. Well, it sounds like she appreciates your effort. 

The drive would be 300 miles for me, round trip, and I'd have to take off two days during the work week to get up there. That's a lot of investment for a casual date. If it were a weekend, no problem. But...now I'm feeling guilty for not making time to go up there.


----------



## vi_bride04

moxy said:


> Wow. Well, it sounds like she appreciates your effort.
> 
> The drive would be 300 miles for me, round trip, and I'd have to take off two days during the work week to get up there. That's a lot of investment for a casual date. If it were a weekend, no problem. But...now I'm feeling guilty for not making time to go up there.


Stop. Just stop. 

No feeling guilty. He wants to see you that bad he can put forth the effort.

I have had guys try to attempt to guilt trip me. Guess what, I no longer talk to them. Maybe you should do the same with that one. He sounds self absorbed and inconsiderate.

ETA: DO NOT do things out of feeling obligated. They never turn out well.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> So, the guy that I was talking to but unsure I wanted to go out with because of his flirtatious comments on social media still texts me. He wants to go out sometime and I said I would, the next time I'm in his town, which is a couple of hours from me. I have been busy and have not been to his town in a while. He's attractive and sweet and we would have fun, but I doubt it would work for the long term and so I haven't made it a priority to change my schedule to go up there. From what I can tell, he acts like he's only interested in a casual thing, too. He texted me a sort of guilt trip, complaining that I haven't come there to see him. This makes me feel uncomfortable. We only talk once in a while and if he wanted to get to know me, he could easily text or call me or even come down to visit me himself, but it seems like he feels that I owe him for his patience and that doesn't make me feel great. Have you guys been guilt tripped by people you are just casually talking to? And, what would you say or do in response? This is not the first guy to behave this way in recent months and it's strange, to me. It turns me off because it turns an invitation into obligation. By the way, this is not the guy I had a date with recently; my date came out to see me and took the initiative to make it convenient for me.


Moxy, I hate to say this, but all of these guys that you have been dealing with in recent months...you are short-changing yourself. None of them are worthy of your time or attention. You have been settling. They all have red flag issues, and for the most part, you have been giving them a pass. Why? You deserve SO MUCH BETTER than these guys. Not one has been worthy of you so far. 

Ok, off my soapbox now. You know I love you!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Moxy, I hate to say this, but all of these guys that you have been dealing with in recent months...you are short-changing yourself. None of them are worthy of your time or attention. You have been settling. They all have red flag issues, and for the most part, you have been giving them a pass. Why? You deserve SO MUCH BETTER than these guys. Not one has been worthy of you so far.
> 
> Ok, off my soapbox now. You know I love you!


Agreed. And agreed with VI. All I was doing was attempting to show exactly what 3x is saying here. If he wants to see you that bad, he'll make the effort himself. You'll get a call or text saying he's on his way, or in town already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Wow. Well, it sounds like she appreciates your effort.
> 
> The drive would be 300 miles for me, round trip, and I'd have to take off two days during the work week to get up there. That's a lot of investment for a casual date. If it were a weekend, no problem. But...now I'm feeling guilty for not making time to go up there.


No. No appreciation there at all. Have you seen my thread?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Stop. Just stop.
> 
> No feeling guilty. He wants to see you that bad he can put forth the effort.
> 
> I have had guys try to attempt to guilt trip me. Guess what, I no longer talk to them. Maybe you should do the same with that one. He sounds self absorbed and inconsiderate.
> 
> ETA: DO NOT do things out of feeling obligated. They never turn out well.


:iagree:

I'm not giving this guy a free pass, but he may not realize that he's guilt-tripping you. I think a lot of people don't realize that they're doing. Our culture teaches men that "Yes means yes, and no can be negotiated into yes," and this applies to more than just sex. Conversely, our culture teaches women that are actions should appease and be pleasing to men. Most of this is subconscious/subliminal.

(This obviously doesn't apply to all men/women, so no offense intended to anyone here.) 

The guilt comes in because you're saying no, which is true to yourself, but it goes against this constant barrage of subliminal messages, so you feel "bad" for not meeting these subliminal societal expectations.

So you just need to not give a fvck. Tell him to stop trying to fvcking guilt trip you, and if he really wants to get to know you, he can call or talk online, and when you already have plans to be in his area, you'll look him up. Or he can make plans to come down to see you. If continues to push you, tell him to fvck off.

Or if you're already at the point of not giving a fvck, just tell him to fvck off right now.

I'll give people one chance, tell them I don't like what they're doing, and to stop it. If they don't listen to me and keep pushing, then it's bye-bye for me. But it sounds like you're already over it. (Please refer to the above point about not giving a fvck.)



3Xnocharm said:


> Moxy, I hate to say this, but all of these guys that you have been dealing with in recent months...you are short-changing yourself. None of them are worthy of your time or attention. You have been settling. They all have red flag issues, and for the most part, you have been giving them a pass. Why? You deserve SO MUCH BETTER than these guys. Not one has been worthy of you so far.
> 
> Ok, off my soapbox now. You know I love you!


^^^ :iagree:

You deserve better. And when you realize that, you'll get it.

*hugs*


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Agreed. And agreed with VI. All I was doing was attempting to show exactly what 3x is saying here. If he wants to see you that bad, he'll make the effort himself. You'll get a call or text saying he's on his way, or in town already.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> :iagree:


Succinct, and to the point. 

Yes Ladies, Captain Redundancy strikes again! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Succinct, and to the point.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes, all I need is to nod in agreement. Other times, I write a novella.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Sometimes, all I need is to nod in agreement. Other times, I write a novella.


Please don't be mistaken. My comment was deliberately redundant, and referring to your response to my post, not to your novella.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Please don't be mistaken. My comment was deliberately redundant, and referring to your response to my post, not to your novella.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I know what you meant :smthumbup:

(I'm not THAT sensitive!)

ETA: I should have only quoted the first line of your comment. I fixed it, for clarity


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, I know what you meant :smthumbup:
> 
> (I'm not THAT sensitive!)
> 
> ETA: I should have only quoted the first line of your comment. I fixed it, for clarity


Hey, this is the Wild Wild Web, right? Just the slightest offense, real or imagined, has the potential to transform the person you're talking to into Creepy Stalker-Guy. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Hey, this is the Wild Wild Web, right? Just the slightest offense, real or imagined, has the potential to transform the person you're talking to into Creepy Stalker-Guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> :rofl:


I thought you'd get a kick out of that. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

-> <3 <3 <3 <-






(I am speechless...)


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> -> <3 <3 <3 <-
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (I am speechless...)


Has something happened?!?!


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Has something happened?!?!


HNU can't answer that question. Speechless, remember?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> -> <3 <3 <3 <-
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (I am speechless...)


I think I know what is going on.... I shall start being happy for you!!!!


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> I think I know what is going on.... I shall start being happy for you!!!!


Do inquiring minds want to know, or would they be best left in the dark?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Do inquiring minds want to know, or would they be best left in the dark?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is her party, not mine.


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> Is her party, not mine.


Well since it's a party...

Let me get my party hat on and start dancing around like an idjit. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I think I know what is going on.... I shall start being happy for you!!!!



It's okay if you hate me though.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's okay if you hate me though.


Of course not! I truly am happy for you. You deserve it!


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's okay if you hate me though.


Grrrrlllll, spill it!

ETA: I assume it's good news about The One Who Came Back, right?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I am so completely lost. Any hope in bringing this conversation from Womanese back to English?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I am so completely lost. Any hope in bringing this conversation from Womanese back to English?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


search back through the thread and read some of homemaker's previous posts over the last month or two, and you'll get it.

Like Ne said, if it is what I think it is, it's very good news.

ETA: Sorry, look about two weeks ago, not 2 mos ago.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> search back through the thread and read some of homemaker's previous posts over the last month or two, and you'll get it.
> 
> Like Ne said, if it is what I think it is, it's very good news.


Good news is always welcome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> No. No appreciation there at all. Have you seen my thread?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sorry, Lone Shadow, I haven't seen your thread. I will check it out today, though. It will give me some context for your story.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Sorry, Lone Shadow, I haven't seen your thread. I will check it out today, though. It will give me some context for your story.


Just as with most threads that start in the CWI forum, you may want a seatbelt and box of tissues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

We were looking back over 1,365 unread emails in his mailbox and found a FB message post where he promised me the real thing, no consolation prize for me, back in Feb 2012. Now he is delivering 
I never did accept any consolation prizes, though a few were offered...only the real thing will do for me. 

I don't have anything else to say about that.


----------



## vi_bride04

New favorite sport - pickle ball!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> We were looking back over 1,365 unread emails in his mailbox and found a FB message post where he promised me the real thing, no consolation prize for me, back in Feb 2012. Now he is delivering
> I never did accept any consolation prizes, though a few were offered...only the real thing will do for me.
> 
> I don't have anything else to say about that.


Congratulations on everything. That is truly amazing.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

where is all the talk about Hats? I haven't had a hat in almost 2 years. Got close with a couple of them but decided not to buy.. (Btw is a hat just for you ladies? Cause in that case I'm looking to be someone's hat!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Here I go, stirring the pot.


----------



## moxy

I'm sure that a night of sleep will cure me of this sentiment, but right now, I'm thinking that sexyfuntimes are great, but I miss being in love. Yuck.


----------



## Lone Shadow

A night of sleep should never cure you of the sentiment that sexyfuntimes are great. Everyone should enjoy sexyfuntimes. BTW, have you seen my Ferrari? It's still missing...


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> A night of sleep should never cure you of the sentiment that sexyfuntimes are great. Everyone should enjoy sexyfuntimes. BTW, have you seen my Ferrari? It's still missing...


I don't think I could ever tire of sexyfuntimes, but I could really do without this fleeting longing for love.

I think that whoever stole your Ferrari also stole my Dreamcar. They must be living it up in vehicular paradise. Your VW Betty looks so very cool, though. Incidentally, my SUV is also red.


----------



## Lone Shadow

All of my cars are red, of one shade or another. What's your dream car?

I don't have any suggestions for dealing with your fleeting longing.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I'm sure that a night of sleep will cure me of this sentiment, but right now, I'm thinking that sexyfuntimes are great, but I miss being in love. Yuck.


I miss having someone actually love me back.


----------



## ne9907

The "Good morning " messages continue, and some "we should do to xxxx sometime"

It is a bit difficult not to obssess over what he is thinking, but everytime I want to "obssess" I push the thought away and I am fine. It actually works, to say to myself "It is just a thought" and I dismiss it.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> The *"Good morning " messages continue, and some "we should do to xxxx sometime"*
> 
> It is a bit difficult not to obssess over what he is thinking


Translation: he wants to bang you, Ne.

You're welcome.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Translation: he wants to bang you, Ne.
> 
> You're welcome.


haha
Thank you!

This is Navy guy we are talking about though.... 
Met back in October, had some nice dates, some weird dates, some okay dates, he is very quiet and non communicative. Not seeing each other at the moment. Dismissing thoughts !


----------



## Jellybeans

He is someone to pass the time with, Ne. Not relationship material. So if you want to bang him, go ahead. Just don't go getting ga-ga feelings over him. If it's been since October and he's still hot and cold and not very communicative, then you already know...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



ne9907 said:


> The "Good morning " messages continue, and some "we should do to xxxx sometime"
> 
> It is a bit difficult not to obssess over what he is thinking, but everytime I want to "obssess" I push the thought away and I am fine. It actually works, to say to myself "It is just a thought" and I dismiss it.


Have you tried asking yourself why your default reaction is to obsess? It's far better to question yourself, instead of sweeping it under the rug.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> Have you tried asking yourself why your default reaction is to obsess? It's far better to question yourself, instead of sweeping it under the rug.


I know why I do it, so I am working on NOT doing this obsessive behavior, just realizing that I am doing it and pushing it aside stops me from doing it.


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> The "Good morning " messages continue, and some "we should do to xxxx sometime"
> 
> 
> 
> It is a bit difficult not to obssess over what he is thinking, but everytime I want to "obssess" I push the thought away and I am fine. It actually works, to say to myself "It is just a thought" and I dismiss it.



Don't obsess. Say "good morning" back and hook up with him soon!  You'll both have fun and you won't obsess as much.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Don't obsess. Say "good morning" back and hook up with him soon!  You'll both have fun and you won't obsess as much.


Another thumbs up vote for hooking up with navy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Things are smooth sailing with my GF, I wonder if I no longer qualify to post on this thread =/


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Things are smooth sailing with my GF, I wonder if I no longer qualify to post on this thread =/


You can still post on this thread, like a cranky old grandfather dispensing bad advice 

And you know we would miss you if you left!


----------



## RandomDude

Heh alright *whips out cane*


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> Another thumbs up vote for hooking up with navy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One vote against...


----------



## Lone Shadow

Oh come on 3x. "Hooking up" doesn't necessarily mean "jumping in the sack."


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lone Shadow said:


> Oh come on 3x. "Hooking up" doesn't necessarily mean "jumping in the sack."


Jumping in the sack or not, I think 3x is voting against because of the history between Ne and Navy. 3x correct me if I'm wrong.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



3Xnocharm said:


> One vote against...


I second this, just because an "opportunity" presents itself, that doesn't mean one must take it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Maybe I should go back and ready all 1700+ pages of this thread. I may have a little more understanding of what's going on.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Jumping in the sack or not, I think 3x is voting against because of the history between Ne and Navy. 3x correct me if I'm wrong.





06Daddio08 said:


> I second this, just because an "opportunity" presents itself, that doesn't mean one must take it.


I also vote "no" for reasons above.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> One vote against...


I agree with you!

We have hooked up in the past, this is a new and stranger navy. He hasnt invited me over, he hasnt done anything but send "good morning" messages and chat with me every day. 
The ball is on his court. 

On the other court, I have a friend who invited over to spend the night at his place. We have gone out on a couple of dates, no sex, no kissing, just talking. 
I actually declined his invitation because I would not like navy to do the same thing. I am not as naive as to believe that he is not be having sex/dating others but I will simply not hook up with another guy . . .


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Maybe I should go back and ready all 1700+ pages of this thread. I may have a little more understanding of what's going on.


Ha ha, you don't have to go THAT far back...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I agree with you!
> 
> We have hooked up in the past, this is a new and stranger navy. He hasnt invited me over, he hasnt done anything but send "good morning" messages and chat with me every day.
> The ball is on his court.
> 
> On the other court, I have a friend who invited over to spend the night at his place. We have gone out on a couple of dates, no sex, no kissing, just talking.
> *I actually declined his invitation because I would not like navy to do the same thing. I am not as naive as to believe that he is not be having sex/dating others but I will simply not hook up with another guy *. . .


But you guys are not together...it isnt either of your business who you do what with. :scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Maybe I should go back and ready all 1700+ pages of this thread. I may have a little more understanding of what's going on.




Here are the cliff notes:

Met navy middle of October. He invited me to Starbucks, then we went out on several dates. He has always been stoic and to the point with his messages/phone calls. Not much of a flirty type except in person. Not much of a texter. He sometimes would go an entire week without communicating with me, I took initiative but did not kept texting him if not answer.

Around December, I grew tired of his behavior and ended things with him. His response was weird over the top drama queenish... he said "If you want to date others just say it!" 
really stupid.

Around the same time, major changes began happening at my workplace. Serious ****. Really intense. Really stressful. 

Mid December I had a drill weekend (NG), I drove by his town and just randomly texted him "I am driving by your neighborhood, /wave!"
He instantly responds and invites me to come over. I didnt want to so I told him I didnt have time and we set up another date.

Things had been the same since day one up until last week. Last week once again, tired of not hearing from him, we both decided to end things. He has been doing the "good morning" crap and late evening texts ever since.

Did I mention he has only been separated for a year? Divorced since May of last year. His ex recently had another man's baby. 

I know he is emotionally unavailable (thats what I am currently attracted to). I know he freaked out about me on NYEs. 

Ive decided to give it time, I am not dating other people, I am not overly attaching myself to him. I will talk about him though


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> But you guys are not together...it isnt either of your business who you do what with. :scratchhead:


I KNOW!

But I still cannot bring myself to hook up with another guy 

I simply cannot!


----------



## Lone Shadow

That's going to take some time for me to digest. Wow. 

I've been physically separated since October 2013, but I had accepted that the relationship was over long before then.


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmm hookups


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmm hookups


<pouts>
I tried that ...and was left feeling kind of meh about it all, so I've decided to take a different approach and shift who I'm talking to online and how. 

But it's leaving feeling something else... Grrrr. 

:banghead:


----------



## moxy

Ne, you're not with navy, but not not-with Navy. His actions suggest that you haven't broken up, that he seems to be communicating more, in response to your complaint that he wasn't communicating more. You're not interested in seeing anyone else and you don't want him to see anyone else. Did you actually break up? It sounds like you didn't. I think you should just date him and if it crashes and burns between you, then so be it. You don't want to it date, you might learn something by dating, even if it's a little clumsy and awkward, so just go for it and see what happens. And, evaluate later. That's what I think. I may be alone in this suggestion, but I think you won't stay solo or stay away from dating right now, and so you should just lean into the curve, instead.


----------



## vi_bride04

TooNice said:


> <pouts>
> I tried that ...and was left feeling kind of meh about it all, so I've decided to take a different approach and shift who I'm talking to online and how.
> 
> But it's leaving feeling something else... Grrrr.
> 
> :banghead:


Feelings can be left at the door. Physical pleasure is all that needs to be worried about, at least in my situation


----------



## RandomDude

I miss the simplicity sometimes, now it's all lovey dovey and feelings and bleh... getting rather obvious now that my gf is falling/has fallen for me, which is a disaster waiting to happen if I remain emotionally constipated >.< bah!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Dude, you could always try tequila. It tends to be the emotional equivalent of ColonBlow.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh if only it was that easy to fall for someone. Still waiting for a few more pleasant surprises, her maturity in response to the situation with my ex and daughter was one, her continuing to give/take is another one, these things help soften me up.

I don't know... like, I enjoy the romance, I enjoy the sex, I enjoy the company, I just don't have all these supposed "butterflies" and I never really did. My feelings for her are quite mild... or maybe that's because I have yet to lose her. As they say, you don't know how much you love someone until you lose them. 

Or maybe as my counsellor suggested I'm simply hardened and I need to soften up - and if that's the case, as long as my GF keeps doing what she's been doing, then perhaps there is a future.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hardened, like an oak?


----------



## RandomDude

You know what I mean, why are the words on your posts linking me to random spots on the net btw?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Wasn't a random spot. My post was a reference to a scene from Tombstone, so I linked to the IMDB entry for the movie. Yes, I do know what you mean, hence my reference to that particular scene.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh never seen it, then again I'm not American


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hurray for cultural differences! Tombstone is one of my favorite movies. You know, you've seen it so many times, you can follow along with the dialogue in your sleep...


----------



## RandomDude

Heh well we Aussies watch alot of American movies - more than any other nations', but not many of us are into the whole "Western" genre I guess 

Last one I saw was the Quick and the Dead but that was ages ago when I was younger, and only cause of Ms. Stone lol


----------



## Lone Shadow

YES! I love that one too. I loved Australia when I was there. I want to go back.


----------



## 3Xnocharm




----------



## Lone Shadow

"Where's Wyatt?"
"Down by the creek, walkin' on water."

3x, post it again, so I can like it again. 
"Say when."


----------



## TheGoodGuy

"I'm your huckleberry." Best line ever
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

I dunno. I think it's a 3 way tie between that 1 and these 2:

"Are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?"

"I have 2 guns, one for each of ya."


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Those are great too. Agreed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

October can't get here fast enough. Dammit.

DC Red Dress


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> October can't get here fast enough. Dammit.
> 
> DC Red Dress


You better post some pics after. :smthumbup:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Pics? No pics.. It never happened.

o.0


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Pics? No pics.. It never happened.
> 
> o.0


Yet... it hasn't happened. YET.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Yet... it hasn't happened. YET.


And so long as there continue to be no pics, then it never will have happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Having trouble keeping my feet on the ground at the moment...










Compliments are nice but my ego is over inflated as it is, especially from my GF


----------



## Lone Shadow

No worries RD. I've got an ego deflator around here somewhere.


----------



## RandomDude

Not much of an ego deflator but sure is a macho deflator!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Not much of an ego deflator but sure is a macho deflator!


OMG, I might die from cuteness overload


----------



## Lone Shadow




----------



## RandomDude

Haha, don't tempt me to post even more


----------



## Lone Shadow

Just be thankful that I'm at work, and don't have access to my meme collection. Yes, that's right dammit, I have a meme collection and I'm not ashamed of it.










ETA:


----------



## Jellybeans

Venting a little.

One guy I've been out with a few times (is kind/sweet/respectful) told me on our last outing that he lives with his parents (has for the las 3 yrs following break up w/ ex girlfriend - said he is looking to move out). This turned me off. Eh.

Other guy I have been out with - having a hrad time thinking about whether he's texting other chicks w hen I'm out with him. I know I shouldn't be a hypocrite but it has left a mark on me and I find myself being mean to him and I don't like it.

Mr. ex Jelly and I exchanged some nice hellos and he told me his cousin is now dating the chick I swore he (mr. ex jelly) hooked up during our separation (he says he never did). I used to have nightmares this chick would be at our marital home. The cousin is living with Mr. Ex Jelly temporarily and he said she is over often. This really burns me, guys. This was my marital home, the one I chose and picked out, he an dI only put roots down there because it was a house that I loved to pieces and knowing this chick, out of so many people on the planet, is over there regularly now should not bother me but it felt like such a slap in the face. 

Not a good few past days for me. This year has not started well. Emotionally, I feel awful.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Venting a little.
> 
> One guy I've been out with a few times (is kind/sweet/respectful) told me on our last outing that he lives with his parents (has for the las 3 yrs following break up w/ ex girlfriend - said he is looking to move out). This turned me off. Eh.
> 
> Other guy I have been out with - having a hrad time thinking about whether he's texting other chicks w hen I'm out with him. I know I shouldn't be a hypocrite but it has left a mark on me and I find myself being mean to him and I don't like it.
> 
> Mr. ex Jelly and I exchanged some nice hellos and he told me his cousin is now dating the chick I swore he (mr. ex jelly) hooked up during our separation (he says he never did). I used to have nightmares this chick would be at our marital home. The cousin is living with Mr. Ex Jelly temporarily and he said she is over often. This really burns me, guys. This was my marital home, the one I chose and picked out, he an dI only put roots down there because it was a house that I loved to pieces and knowing this chick, out of so many people on the planet, is over there regularly now should not bother me but it felt like such a slap in the face.
> 
> Not a good few past days for me. This year has not started well. Emotionally, I feel awful.


I feel ya, JB, this would burn my ass too, even though it isnt supposed to. Our emotions dont always make sense, but there they are. Hang in there, things will get better for you! >>HUGS<<


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Venting a little.
> 
> Not a good few past days for me. This year has not started well. Emotionally, I feel awful.


 I am sorry you are hurting. I get how upsetting that must be to think of that woman being in your space. Because in your mind, that is what it still is.


----------



## ne9907

I am sorry Jelly, it does sound like an emotional January.

/Hugs and hope it gets better.

BTW, I do not think you are a hypocrite for not wanting your date to text other women while he is with you.
Exactly a year ago, I found out ex husband (we weren't divorced) had moved in another woman in my old home. I felt devastated. It was as if she had invaded my sanctuary. I had to remind myself that it wasn't a sanctuary, it was more like a prison but it still hurt so much.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Venting a little.
> 
> One guy I've been out with a few times (is kind/sweet/respectful) told me on our last outing that he lives with his parents (has for the las 3 yrs following break up w/ ex girlfriend - said he is looking to move out). This turned me off. Eh.
> 
> Other guy I have been out with - having a hrad time thinking about whether he's texting other chicks w hen I'm out with him. I know I shouldn't be a hypocrite but it has left a mark on me and I find myself being mean to him and I don't like it.
> 
> Mr. ex Jelly and I exchanged some nice hellos and he told me his cousin is now dating the chick I swore he (mr. ex jelly) hooked up during our separation (he says he never did). I used to have nightmares this chick would be at our marital home. The cousin is living with Mr. Ex Jelly temporarily and he said she is over often. This really burns me, guys. This was my marital home, the one I chose and picked out, he an dI only put roots down there because it was a house that I loved to pieces and knowing this chick, out of so many people on the planet, is over there regularly now should not bother me but it felt like such a slap in the face.
> 
> Not a good few past days for me. This year has not started well. Emotionally, I feel awful.


Sorry to hear all this, JB.

Texting other chicks while he is with you is NOT cool. Even if you are non-exclusive, he should at least have the decency to be fully present when he is with you.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm sorry your year is having such a sour start Jelly. Maybe it will turn out like warheads candy though? Sour to start, but once you get past the sour, they turn sweet.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> I'm sorry your year is having such a sour start Jelly. Maybe it will turn out like warheads candy though? Sour to start, but once you get past the sour, they turn sweet.


I'm not too sure about that.

One thing I've learned is if they are disrespectful right off the bat it just continues to get worse if the relationship continues.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Vi, you misunderstand. I wasn't referring to Other Guy. I was referring to Jelly's statement about how her year is starting. There's always hope that a year can turn around, especially when we're still struggling through the first month.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh yeah, definitely that


----------



## Lone Shadow

How callous do you think I am? Jeebus Woman. Shame on you.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

After a few months of not really trying to do any dating online and just make it through the Holidays, I recently went back and messaged a few people. 

I've got one bite at the moment and am emailing back and forth. So she has 3 boys all older than my D8. I've really been looking for someone with 1 or _maybe_ 2 near my daughter's age. This obviously narrows down the dating field. For some reason 3 seems like a lot to me (since if it went anywhere it could end up with 4 kids total), even though I grew up in a large family, I've always want mine to be smaller. Plus she was honest with about making a mistake and had a "revenge affair" on her cheating husband. She took responsibility for it and is ashamed of herself. Honesty I like. Infidelity I HATE, so this one is cooling off quickly for me. Also I haven't many pics of her but it seems like she may not be my taste. The latest email she is saying she's ready to give me her number if I want to so that we can text. I kinda don't. We haven't met in person, so I need to break this one off before she gets her hopes up. Any suggestions on verbiage over email?

Out of the blue last night I get a FB message from an old acquaintance/friend asking me to be her partner on an annual float trip in the spring if I don't have a GF by then. I agreed and we started catching up a little bit. This girl is definitely attractive to me and we like some of the same things. But her past is relatively storied as well, and she's in her early 30s getting her life rebuilt and starting over. I do not know if there is past infidelity in any of her previous LTRs. 

So that leads me to the deep question: How much can people really change? Can a past cheater truly be trusted to never do it again? Can someone who had little regard to their lifestyle before put things back together and live a "normal" life after?


----------



## ne9907

I figured out what navy is doing! He is stringing me along~ or rather was, because I am not longer playing.

Havent heard from him since Friday. I am okay with that, made a date for next friday with friend, we went on a couple dates in the past but I felt no chemistry. 

We shall see


----------



## ne9907

TheGoodGuy said:


> After a few months of not really trying to do any dating online and just make it through the Holidays, I recently went back and messaged a few people.
> 
> I've got one bite at the moment and am emailing back and forth. So she has 3 boys all older than my D8. I've really been looking for someone with 1 or _maybe_ 2 near my daughter's age. This obviously narrows down the dating field. For some reason 3 seems like a lot to me (since if it went anywhere it could end up with 4 kids total), even though I grew up in a large family, I've always want mine to be smaller. Plus she was honest with about making a mistake and had a "revenge affair" on her cheating husband. She took responsibility for it and is ashamed of herself. Honesty I like. Infidelity I HATE, so this one is cooling off quickly for me. Also I haven't many pics of her but it seems like she may not be my taste. The latest email she is saying she's ready to give me her number if I want to so that we can text. I kinda don't. We haven't met in person, so I need to break this one off before she gets her hopes up. *Any suggestions on verbiage over email?*
> 
> Out of the blue last night I get a FB message from an old acquaintance/friend asking me to be her partner on an annual float trip in the spring if I don't have a GF by then. I agreed and we started catching up a little bit. This girl is definitely attractive to me and we like some of the same things. But her past is relatively storied as well, and she's in her early 30s getting her life rebuilt and starting over. I do not know if there is past infidelity in any of her previous LTRs.
> 
> So that leads me to the deep question: How much can people really change? Can a past cheater truly be trusted to never do it again? Can someone who had little regard to their lifestyle before put things back together and live a "normal" life after?


I would say "I have enjoyed chatting with you, however I feel we are not a good match. Good luck in all you do!"

Keep it short and simple 

I feel people can change. I try not to abide by "Once a cheater, always a cheater"

I have been proven wrong plenty of times. Yes, they can live a normal life and not cheat again.


----------



## Jellybeans

Fenix said:


> I am sorry you are hurting. I get how upsetting that must be to think of that woman being in your space.


Thanks for the kind words, Fenix and everyone.



ne9907 said:


> I am sorry Jelly, it does sound like an emotional January.
> 
> Exactly a year ago, I found out ex husband (we weren't divorced) had moved in another woman in my old home. I felt devastated. It was as if she had invaded my sanctuary. *I had to remind myself that it wasn't a sanctuary, it was more like a prison* but it still hurt so much.


Made me laugh. Eventhough I know you prob didn't mean it to be funny. But yes, it's annoying as all get out.



FeministInPink said:


> Texting other chicks while he is with you is NOT cool. Even if you are non-exclusive, he should at least have the decency to be fully present when he is with you.


Word.



Lone Shadow said:


> I'm sorry your year is having such a sour start Jelly. Maybe it will turn out like warheads candy though? Sour to start, but once you get past the sour, they turn sweet.


I hope so. I can't remember the last time a year started out so funky. Meh.


----------



## Jellybeans

TheGoodGuy said:


> Also I haven't many pics of her but it seems like she may not be my taste. The latest email she is saying she's ready to give me her number if I want to so that we can text. I kinda don't. We haven't met in person, so I need to break this one off before she gets her hopes up. Any suggestions on verbiage over email?


_"I have enjoyed talking to you but do not think we will be a good match. I wish you well in your dating endeavors. Be well."_

Keep it classy and short.



TheGoodGuy said:


> Out of the blue last night I get a FB message from an old acquaintance/friend asking me to be her partner on an annual float trip in the spring if I don't have a GF by then. But her past is relatively storied as well, and she's in her early 30s getting her life rebuilt and starting over. I do not know if there is past infidelity in any of her previous LTRs.


Who's past isn't storied? Really? If you like her and etc, talk to her and get to know her more.



TheGoodGuy said:


> So that leads me to the deep question: How much can people really change? Can a past cheater truly be trusted to never do it again?


It think it depends on the individual. Some past cheaters are serial cheaters. Some will cheat in one relationship and never do it again and make good spouses. Just as a person who has never cheated may do so in another relationship. Love is always a leap of faith an there is simply no guarantee that you wont get cheated on at any point in time by someone.

Again, individual. I am a firm believer in that you can't use a paintbrush to paint every single person.


----------



## Healer

I had 2 lunch dates with Guitar girl and last night was our first evening date.

The Gods were smiling on me. We went to this live music club - hot spot in town. Tons of vibe and always great tunes. I arrive before she does and my friends who are playing there are sitting at the bar charting out tunes. I haven't seen them in a while and they were happy to see me, as I was them. They say "you want to do some playing?". Yes! Gold. Always a good strategy to impress a young lady. I haven't seen the drummer in years and he's all "you bastard, you haven't aged a bit!". I told him it was all the botox and dove's blood.

She arrives, looking hella fine. I introduce her to the band and they're all fawning. Halfway through the first set they call me up. I played my ass off.

She was loving it and I was too of course. So I finish up and the boys start their second set. I put my hand on her back and hips and started caressing gently. Bold but whatevs. I was all pumped up and **** and figured why not? Now she wants to dance. :-| I'm not a fan but I knew I should. I need to get past that. I know women love that **** and all the other guys up there dancing with their ladies looked to be having a riot. So I did it.

We sit down and I went for a kiss. No tongue, but sensual kissing at the table. No weirdness there at all.

I actually had a lot of fun. Great conversation...she's a fun woman. At the end of the night, last set, the frontman says "Aaron, you want to play some more? I did and dug in even harder. She got some video of it.

We leave and outside we start making out pretty heavy. Afterwards she fans herself and says "oh my!" I love kissing actually and she's good at it. Lots of women aren't. 

Get a text when I get home "Aaron...I had a grrrrreat time. You're so sweet. Thank you". 

With our schedules it'll be hard to see a lot of each other, but that's OK. If it's meant to be, we'll make it work.

My fingers aren't used to it (out of practice) and I dug in pretty hard apparently.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Thanks NE. Looks like you and JB think very much alike as far as the verbiage, thank you both. 


Jellybeans said:


> Who's past isn't storied? Really? If you like her and etc, talk to her and get to know her more.


True that.. I'm not talking about normal baggage necessarily, I've got enough of that myself like everyone. I'm talking about poor boundaries on her part; being with men who were drug addicts and the like, causing drama for a mutual friend who was trying to open a business by promising to help and proving to be unreliable. Over the years, I've heard several stories followed by "oh her, she's a hot mess!" She is currently living with her mother to help her get back on her feet. It does seem like she's turning a corner, so I can continue to observe and see what happens. 




Jellybeans said:


> Again, individual. I am a firm believer in that you can't use a paintbrush to paint every single person.


I agree.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I haven't seen the drummer in years and he's all "you bastard, you haven't aged a bit!". I told him it was all the botox *and dove's blood*.


:smthumbup::rofl:



TheGoodGuy said:


> Thanks NE. Looks like you and JB think very much alike as far as the verbiage, thank you both.


What's really hilarious is that I had not even read Ne's post up there until after you posted this. HAHAHA. Get outta mah head, Ne! Great minds. :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> :smthumbup::rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> What's really hilarious is that I had not even read Ne's post up there until after you posted this. HAHAHA. Get outta mah head, Ne! Great minds. :smthumbup:


QUICK!!
What am I thinking of???


Why do I feel like a two timing b!tch?

Navy and I are done! Even though I said last week that I would not hook up with someone else while having feelings for navy, I went ahead and did it! It was really really good...

THis guy doesnt even have a nickname because ( he is not what I normally go for!). I have known him since July. 
We have had conversations about just sex type relationship, and I re iterated that on Saturday. 
I saw him Sat, Sun, and yesterday. Did I mention it was great??

Which is strange because even though I like Navy a lot, sex was okay.... I dont like this guy too much and sex was fantastic.

Ok, navy sent a "good morning " message today (after ignoring me all weekend!!.... so now I feel bad. WHY????


EDIT: just adding, the first time Navy and Ihad sex all I thought about was blue, but with this not-so-attractive dude (Id probably end up marrying him JK!) I thought about nothing but how great everything felt!


----------



## Jellybeans

Well, if you and Navy are not in an exclusive, committed relationship and don't even have a label, then you are single. So don't beat yourself up too bad. 

If you feel bad though - take note and record this feeling in your brain's memory for next time. You feel this way because you think it's wrong/doesn't make you feel good, so don't do it again. Listen to your brain.


----------



## Ikaika

Ne you are young and single so.....

http://youtu.be/NTCsE8crK0Q


----------



## Jellybeans

Haha! G Love and Special Sauce! I hope you are well, Uncle Ika!


----------



## Ikaika

My real favorite, but only when the relationship becomes serious (life is music)

http://youtu.be/nhRnDqCJu8Q


----------



## ne9907

Ikaika said:


> My real favorite, but only when the relationship becomes serious (life is music)


:iagree:


----------



## Ikaika

Life has been so busy lately, I just want:
http://youtu.be/Y4O7ufx9D_s


----------



## Ikaika

But I always reset with culture, my cousin performing hula to a famous song about the sacred falls on the big island of Hawai'i

http://youtu.be/2gFRonSP93E


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> Life has been so busy lately, I just want:
> http://youtu.be/Y4O7ufx9D_s


I love Jack Johnson for lazy days and when I need to decompress. And vacation days at the beach


----------



## ne9907

This is my I dont give a fvck about what is happening right now... (includes all situations/people)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2REZSj4XnE


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> QUICK!!
> What am I thinking of???
> 
> 
> Why do I feel like a two timing b!tch?
> 
> Navy and I are done! Even though I said last week that I would not hook up with someone else while having feelings for navy, I went ahead and did it! It was really really good...
> 
> THis guy doesnt even have a nickname because ( he is not what I normally go for!). I have known him since July.
> We have had conversations about just sex type relationship, and I re iterated that on Saturday.
> I saw him Sat, Sun, and yesterday. Did I mention it was great??
> 
> Which is strange because even though I like Navy a lot, sex was okay.... I dont like this guy too much and sex was fantastic.
> *
> Ok, navy sent a "good morning " message today (after ignoring me all weekend!!.... so now I feel bad. WHY????*
> 
> 
> EDIT: just adding, the first time Navy and Ihad sex all I thought about was blue, but with this not-so-attractive dude (Id probably end up marrying him JK!) I thought about nothing but how great everything felt!


Ne, we talked about this already Darlin'. Navy is back in chase mode. He's not stringing you along, he's trying to catch you again. Right now, in his mind (maybe just subconsciously), you're the one that got away and he can't abide that. 

Again, he's not stringing you along. You're stringing yourself along. You've already said that you've broken it off with him. Having read your reasons, we all understand and approve of that decision. The only question I have is, why haven't you blocked his number yet? Until you do, he's going to keep messaging you, trying to reel you back in. If you slip, he will succeed. 

This next bit is harsh, and I apologize in advance for its necessity.

In his mind, _you_ are not the prize. _Catching_ you is the prize. Once he's caught you, on the shelf you go while he moves onto the next prize. If this happens, it's only because you allowed it to happen. You are a prize, so *don't let just catching you be his prize.* Block his number, and move on.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Ne, we talked about this already Darlin'. Navy is back in chase mode. He's not stringing you along, he's trying to catch you again. Right now, in his mind (maybe just subconsciously), you're the one that got away and he can't abide that.
> 
> Again, he's not stringing you along. You're stringing yourself along. You've already said that you've broken it off with him. Having read your reasons, we all understand and approve of that decision. The only question I have is, why haven't you blocked his number yet? Until you do, he's going to keep messaging you, trying to reel you back in. If you slip, he will succeed.
> 
> This next bit is harsh, and I apologize in advance for its necessity.
> 
> In his mind, _you_ are not the prize. _Catching_ you is the prize. Once he's caught you, on the shelf you go while he moves onto the next prize. If this happens, it's only because you allowed it to happen. You are a prize, so *don't let just catching you be his prize.* Block his number, and move on.


Good points. He's more interested in the chase than in you specifically


----------



## TooNice

So, I had a first the other day. With a little encouragement from a friend, I sent a drink to a man across the bar. 

Ended well enough that I don't think I'll need much encouragement to do that again. Much more fun than the online dating dance. :awink:


----------



## FeministInPink

So, just posting this for sh!ts and giggles... guess who messaged me this morning after a months-long absence???

FIREMAN.

He responded to a message I sent him a while ago... he said, I just saw your message now, and I wanted to let you know I got it.

My reply: Wow. Well, I figured you would either respond, or you wouldn't.

His answer: I'm busy right now, but I will respond to the message later.

Before anyone jumps on me: No, I am NOT entertaining anything with him at this point, regardless of whatever his "response" is, if it ever comes. The ship has sailed.

But I thought y'all would get a kick out of that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

So do you mean fireman:










OR

Fireman:


----------



## FeministInPink

Really, Lone Shadow, which one do you think I would date?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well, since you said fireman, and the first picture is _obviously_ a chip 'n dale, I would have to say the second picture. 

If only because I'm not a chip 'n dale, and if you were to say the first pic, then.. well.. excuse me while I go cry in a corner.


----------



## FeministInPink

I hate to break it to you, but he looked more like the first picture than the second. 

Do you need some tissues?


----------



## Lone Shadow

No. Thank you. I've got some here.


----------



## RandomDude

Strange feeling today, GF maybe growing on me on the emo department. Feel whole with her, not so much without her.
Maybe it's my mood, but I don't know. Is this a sign? Am I falling for her? When I think of her, I smile... contentment, peace, even a touch of 'belonging', when she texts... butterflies.
Meh, I'll probably harden within the hour... moment of weakness, but, it feels nice, it truly does. Forgotten how it feels, no more...

B A H !!!!

In other news... I'm too sexy for my love! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
 Grrr


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Strange feeling today, GF maybe growing on me on the emo department. Feel whole with her, not so much without her.
> Maybe it's my mood, but I don't know. Is this a sign? Am I falling for her? When I think of her, I smile... contentment, peace, even a touch of 'belonging', when she texts... butterflies.
> Meh, I'll probably harden within the hour... moment of weakness, but, it feels nice, it truly does. Forgotten how it feels, no more...
> 
> B A H !!!!
> 
> In other news... I'm too sexy for my love!
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
> Grrr


RD, butterflies!!! Don't harden... just enjoy it. It's a good thing


----------



## Lone Shadow

OMG RD!



RandomDude said:


> Strange feeling today, GF maybe growing on me on the emo department. Feel whole with her, not so much without her.
> Maybe it's my mood, but I don't know. Is this a sign? Am I falling for her? When I think of her, I smile... contentment, peace, even a touch of 'belonging', when she texts... butterflies.
> Meh, I'll probably harden within the hour... moment of weakness, but, it feels nice, it truly does. Forgotten how it feels, no more...
> 
> B A H !!!!
> 
> In other news... I'm too sexy for my love!
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
> Grrr


----------



## RandomDude

LOL!!!

Nah, just a moment of weakness. I hope. I should be fine tomorrow.
I don't want her intruding into my thoughts... though she's really starting to. But oh well, tomorrow we'll see.


----------



## FeministInPink

And, RD? I honestly think your "harden" is really just a defense mechanism. It's natural to be resistant to feeling this way about another person if you don't want to get hurt again.

But the truth is, in the words of Dan Savage:

“Every relationship you’re ever gonna be in is going to fail until one doesn’t, and you don’t know which one that’s going to be until you die, and you’re like, “Oh, that’s the one that didn’t fail, I guess.” Even if you wind up together with him for the rest of your life, you’re still gonna get hurt. I love that people say, “Oh, I might get hurt,” as if the only way you ever get hurt in a relationship is when one fails. *You know you get hurt in relationships that don’t fail too. Pretty much constantly. It’s not a bug, it’s a fvckin’ feature.*”

But it's SO worth it. So just go with it


----------



## Lone Shadow

I dunno RD. She might haunt your dreams.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M


----------



## Lone Shadow

Feature? I like features. What other features come from a relationship? 

0.o


----------



## RandomDude

Heh it's been a long time FIP, that's all.
LOL Lone Shadow, nice song though. But nah, no love songs please. It's already bad enough how I'm feeling, and chances are I'll be back to "FK EMO CRAP" RD in no time.

I'm so used to being in control for so long, I'm just not used to all this. Can't really let go, not yet.
It does... feel nice though, though somewhat painful, but overall... nice.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Eh. An attack of "the feels" never really hurt anyone. Not for long anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

I am damaged goods


----------



## Lone Shadow

Aren't we all?


----------



## RandomDude

Guess we'll let fate decide... besides I only started feeling this way, might just be a mood thing - time will tell


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Guess we'll let fate decide... besides I only started feeling this way, might just be a mood thing - time will tell


Have more sexyfuntime. That'll help you figure everything out. Besides, everyone needs more sexyfuntime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> So, just posting this for sh!ts and giggles... guess who messaged me this morning after a months-long absence???
> 
> FIREMAN.
> 
> He responded to a message I sent him a while ago... he said,* I just saw your message now*, and I wanted to let you know I got it.
> 
> My reply: Wow. Well, I figured you would either respond, or you wouldn't.
> 
> His answer:* I'm busy right now, but I will respond to the message later.*


Dear God, he is annoying as hell. I hope you didn't respond back. He is so flighty. Blech.



RandomDude said:


> Maybe it's my mood, but I don't know. Is this a sign? Am I falling for her? When I think of her, I smile... contentment, peace, even a touch of 'belonging', when she texts... butterflies.
> Meh, I'll probably harden within the hour... moment of weakness, but, it feels nice, it truly does. Forgotten how it feels, no more...


Well you guys have been sleeping for awhile, spending a lot of time together which means, yeah you have developed an emotional connection. Enjoy it.

By the way, I love that Right Said Fred song. "I'm too sexy for my car..."



RandomDude said:


> I am damaged goods


No, you're not.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> Dear God, he is annoying as hell. I hope you didn't respond back. He is so flighty. Blech.
> 
> 
> 
> Well you guys have been sleeping for awhile, spending a lot of time together which means, yeah you have developed an emotional connection. Enjoy it.
> 
> By the way, I love that Right Said Fred song. "I'm too sexy for my car..."
> 
> 
> 
> No, you're not.


Mornin' JB. ^.~
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Feature? I like features. What other features come from a relationship?
> 
> 0.o


If you lean real close, I'll whisper them in your ear 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Dear God, he is annoying as hell. I hope you didn't respond back. He is so flighty. Blech.


Seriously. I don't need that BS in my life. I IM'ED "Ok" and forgot about it. Well, except to tell y'all.

I've moved on to bigger and better things 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Still dark outside here and such a busy busy busy day ahead but what I really want:

http://youtu.be/wKGn6ppVwCw


----------



## Ikaika

Makes this kanaka Maoli cry:

http://youtu.be/mGe302ADCJY


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Seriously. I don't need that BS in my life.


:iagree:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Sent the online chick the suggested verbiage and got back "You too." Phew!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Seriously. I don't need that BS in my life.


**Wags index finger** Ain't nobody got time for that!


----------



## Arendt

I've not been on here much. Hard to catch up on a thread like this since it is so long and gets pages longer with each passing day.

I'm still dating Guatemalan. I helped her remodel her bathroom over the holidays. I had no idea about project creep...wow. She is easy to work with. She doesn't complain about hard work. She and I were fairly cheerful even though some of this work was very difficult (ripping out walls and tile, putting in new pipes and flooring, etc). I really like that about her. 

I am teaching at a university in another city a couple days a week which is fun. I had to cancel my class last night because I was sick. She brought me soup and fruit this morning, which was nice. She wanted to bring me things last night but I just wanted to sleep. I feel better this morning.

Other than that, I have met her kids and they know me. I'm teaching her daughter piano once a week when I come over. her son, two years old, is harder for me to deal with sometimes so I sometimes stay away till he goes to sleep. But he's two. That is how two year olds can be. he can also be very sweet. The first time he ran to me saying my name when I came over nearly knocked me off my feet. I've never had a kid do that. 

I like living on my own and don't see myself moving in with her anytime in the near future or anything. We'd both save money, but I think I would be less happy not having a retreat space from her family life. We see each other most days for a little while and have a great time on our dates (going to see Papa Roach this weekend and a play the next). I'm quite happy with the relationship and she is too. It has helped me think through a few things and change my ideas for the better on what I want and expect. She's a great woman and I am happy to be with her. Teaching at another university I have the opportunity to meet women at my own education level and other things...but my eye is not wandering. I'm very happy.


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> I've not been on here much. Hard to catch up on a thread like this since it is so long and gets pages longer with each passing day.
> 
> I'm still dating Guatemalan. I helped her remodel her bathroom over the holidays. I had no idea about project creep...wow. She is easy to work with. She doesn't complain about hard work. She and I were fairly cheerful even though some of this work was very difficult (ripping out walls and tile, putting in new pipes and flooring, etc). I really like that about her.
> 
> I am teaching at a university in another city a couple days a week which is fun. I had to cancel my class last night because I was sick. She brought me soup and fruit this morning, which was nice. She wanted to bring me things last night but I just wanted to sleep. I feel better this morning.
> 
> Other than that, I have met her kids and they know me. I'm teaching her daughter piano once a week when I come over. her son, two years old, is harder for me to deal with sometimes so I sometimes stay away till he goes to sleep. But he's two. That is how two year olds can be. he can also be very sweet. The first time he ran to me saying my name when I came over nearly knocked me off my feet. I've never had a kid do that.
> 
> I like living on my own and don't see myself moving in with her anytime in the near future or anything. We'd both save money, but I think I would be less happy not having a retreat space from her family life. We see each other most days for a little while and have a great time on our dates (going to see Papa Roach this weekend and a play the next). I'm quite happy with the relationship and she is too. It has helped me think through a few things and change my ideas for the better on what I want and expect. She's a great woman and I am happy to be with her. Teaching at another university I have the opportunity to meet women at my own education level and other things...but my eye is not wandering. I'm very happy.


So glad to hear all of this!

No need to rush into moving in together. I expect that you having your own space may be a little nice for her, too... so that she can also escape from her family life to you, sometimes.


----------



## Arendt

FeministInPink said:


> So glad to hear all of this!
> 
> No need to rush into moving in together. I expect that you having your own space may be a little nice for her, too... so that she can also escape from her family life to you, sometimes.


Yep. By "anytime soon," I meant anytime in the next year or maybe two .


----------



## ne9907

SO good to hear from you Arendt! Even better to hear good news about your life 

Stay well~


----------



## FeministInPink

Arendt said:


> Yep. By "anytime soon," I meant anytime in the next year or maybe two .


That sounds perfectly fair to me! If you're both happy with the way things are, there is no reason to rush change. Plus, when there are kids involved, you need to be REALLY sure before doing something like that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> If you lean real close, I'll whisper them in your ear
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Promise you won't try to give me a wet willy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Promise you won't try to give me a wet willy?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope... you'll just have to trust me


----------



## TooNice

Arendt said:


> I'm very happy.


So good to hear from you and that things are going so well! 

Hope you're feeling better!


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Well you guys have been sleeping for awhile, spending a lot of time together which means, yeah you have developed an emotional connection. Enjoy it.


Well, so much for "I fear breaking her heart if I don't feel the same way in the end"

Not sure if its love, but if it is, even if I'm still hardened to the point its hard for me to say it, nothing is stopping me from showing it.



> By the way, I love that Right Said Fred song. "I'm too sexy for my car..."


... too sexy BY FAR! 



> No, you're not.


=/


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno




----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Nope... you'll just have to trust me


That's asking an awful lot...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> That's asking an awful lot...


I'm very trustworthy, except when it comes to surprises. I cannot be counted on to keep a surprise a secret. Other than that, very trustworthy.

I think you can do it


----------



## FeministInPink

OK, question for the TAM Singles...

Back in November, a guy on ******* starts chatting me up about a week before Thanksgiving, but doesn't ask to meet, and then disappears over the holiday week. Texts me Saturday after Thanksgiving, asks if I'm back in town, and when I tell him I got back Friday, and he responds, "If I had known you'd be back on Friday, I would have asked you to meet for a drink." Text text text, but he doesn't actually ask to meet, then disappears again.

He pops up two weeks later, text text text, finally invites me out for a drink. This is around December 17. I agree, but I'm not really into it since he doesn't seem to be terribly interested in the pursuit. Had fun, but not sure if he's into it or not. He texts me a bit the next couple of days, asks when I'll be back in town after Christmas. I tell him the 26th, and think I'll hear from him when I get back.

Well, I never hear from him, so I figure he's not interested. OK, no problem. I'm not everyone's cup of tea (or coffee, if you prefer).

So... he texts me this past Friday (a full month later), and he wants to get together. Well, I was already feeling lukewarm about him, and these disappearing acts just aren't cool. Besides, I've started seeing someone else who is more my speed. So I tell him I'll check my calendar and get back to him on Monday. 

So I text him on Tuesday (you can see I'm feeling very enthused about this!), and I say, _I assumed that since you weren't in touch you weren't interested, and I've since started seeing someone else, so I'm not going to be getting together with you. But it was nice meeting you, and best of luck with everything._

And he responds, _OK, I hadn't put much forethought in with the holidays, but I respect, best of luck to you._

So I'm thinking, great, that went well, his feelings aren't too hurt and whatever, moving forward.

But tonight, he texts me, and he says, "FiP, would be fun to hang out though. Would you consider?" (Exact text.)

My thought is WTF? Is he trying to stay on my back burner, just in case? He wasn't into me enough to stay in touch, but now he wants to be my friend? I just don't see a good reason for it. It just feels weird to me.

And... I have a lot of male friends, and I always have. I'm sure that some of my male friends, past or present, may have been interested in my but never expressed it. If I don't know, that's fine with me. But I feel funny about hanging out as "friends" with someone who I know probably has ulterior motives. 

So, what do you guys think?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I think we want to hear about this someone else who's more your speed. Reading your posts, that seems like a tall order.:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I think we want to hear about this someone else who's more your speed. Reading your posts, that seems like a tall order.:smthumbup:


Oh, you caught that part, did you?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Certainly did. 

But speed is relative.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Certainly did.
> 
> But speed is relative.


Ha ha ha, I suppose it is.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yep yep. Ver' much so.

That humor test thing that SA linked in the other thread - 67% dark. :FIREdevil:


----------



## FeministInPink

(For anyone listening, click here for the humor test.)

I got...



> the Cutting Edge
> (57% dark, 42% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)
> your humor style:
> CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
> 
> Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.
> 
> Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.
> 
> PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi


----------



## Lone Shadow

Slightly menacing? I knew it...

I guess we're not going to find out about this someone else. You seem keen to deflect. 

I think I need a fireman costume. Only way I'm going to be able to compete.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> OK, question for the TAM Singles...
> 
> So, what do you guys think?


It feels weird to you, but it might feel perfectly normal to him. It's the holidays, people go into a sort of feel-good mood and don't really expect anything to happen in the way of relationships during this time when most people get together with their existing family and friends. 

Different people have different perceptions of time, also it sounds like your dating is very fast-paced, you want to meet someone you really click with and get on to it, some people have a different approach, they like to get to know a variety of people and then get close and get to know others at a different pace.

It's scientifically proven that people have different perceptions and experiences of time. 

I wouldn't discount someone over a couple of months of sporadic communication/social invites over the holidays. I have friends irl who do this, it doesn't mean they don't care, it means it's just life.

It might be that he really would like to get to know you, from his pov it might be frustrating that while he was doing holiday visits and such you moved on (quickly to him). 

But, he could just be a jerk. The only way to find out is to see for yourself (or not).


----------



## Lone Shadow

Time is a funny thing. My own perception of time is constantly in flux. I can plan on calling someone tomorrow, and the next thing I know it's been a month (or 2), and it's still not "tomorrow" yet.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Time is a funny thing. My own perception of time is constantly in flux. I can plan on calling someone tomorrow, and the next thing I know it's been a month (or 2), and it's still not "tomorrow" yet.


I study time perception. It's an interesting thing. 
Especially when time appears for all scientific purposes to be a constructed entity...


----------



## moxy

The holidays make people behave differently; if that's all it is, just give him a shot. A coffee date can't hurt, right? And, you'll know if it's your cup of tea or not.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I study time perception. It's an interesting thing.
> Especially when time appears for all scientific purposes to be a constructed entity...


That definitely seems an interesting field of study. I think Time is the only constant. It's the perception of time that is in flux.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> It just feels weird to me.
> 
> So, what do you guys think?


Well, I haven't been dating again very long, but I am working hard to trust my gut. If something feels weird to me, I let it go.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> So, what do you guys think?


Tell him to fk off
But hey, I'm mean like that 

Still I'm not really into multi-dating once I 'find someone my speed' so to speak


----------



## moxy

This week, I had a birthday. Usually, that makes me happy, or contemplative, at least. This year, I was just inexplicably sad; I may be mildly depressed. I went to work and some of my colleagues wished me a happy day. I went to dinner with a new friend from work and my old best-friend from town didn't want to go to dinner, but wished me a good day, anyway. I decorated my office a bit, as a treat. I got a lot of texts for good wishes. I know I shouldn't be missing people who aren't around and I know it's not a big deal that translator guy didn't text or visit (I wish he had, though), and I know my family cares about me even though they don't understand me, but I'm feeling a bit irrelevant to the people in my life today. Funny -- by this age, I thought I'd have a kid, but I don't know if that's in the cards for me someday or if my life will ever be less of a mess. If I could have anything, I'd wish for the energy to get out of this funk. Some travel and a spa day are gonna have to happen next week! 

Wishing y'all well.


----------



## TooNice

Happy birthday to you, moxy. Yes, please do something kind for yourself. You deserve it. Especially at times when life's got you in a funk.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Back in November, a guy on ******* starts chatting me up about a week before Thanksgiving, but doesn't ask to meet, and then disappears over the holiday week. Texts me Saturday after Thanksgiving, asks if I'm back in town, and when I tell him I got back Friday, and he responds, "If I had known you'd be back on Friday, I would have asked you to meet for a drink." Text text text, but he doesn't actually ask to meet, then disappears again.
> 
> He pops up two weeks later, text text text, finally invites me out for a drink. This is around December 17. I agree, but I'm not really into it since he doesn't seem to be terribly interested in the pursuit. Had fun, but not sure if he's into it or not. He texts me a bit the next couple of days, asks when I'll be back in town after Christmas. I tell him the 26th, and think I'll hear from him when I get back.
> 
> Well, I never hear from him
> 
> So... he texts me this past Friday (a full month later), and he wants to get together. Well, I was already feeling lukewarm about him, and these disappearing acts just aren't cool. Besides, I've started seeing someone else who is more my speed. So I tell him I'll check my calendar and get back to him on Monday.
> 
> So I text him on Tuesday (you can see I'm feeling very enthused about this!), and I say, _I assumed that since you weren't in touch you weren't interested, and I've since started seeing someone else, so I'm not going to be getting together with you. But it was nice meeting you, and best of luck with everything._
> 
> And he responds, _OK, I hadn't put much forethought in with the holidays, but I respect, best of luck to you._
> 
> So I'm thinking, great, that went well, his feelings aren't too hurt and whatever, moving forward.
> 
> But tonight, he texts me, and he says, "FiP, would be fun to hang out though. Would you consider?" (Exact text.)
> 
> My thought is WTF? Is he trying to stay on my back burner, just in case? He wasn't into me enough to stay in touch, but now he wants to be my friend? I just don't see a good reason for it. It just feels weird to me.
> 
> So, what do you guys think?


I don't think he wants to be your "friend." However, I also don't think he's that into you, hence his disappearing acts and lukewarm-ness about you. He probably likes the idea of knowing you are out there for when he is not doing much. His disappearing on you often, and then when you met up, you didn't feel like he was that into you, and then yet again he disappeared -- and the icing, when you told him you're seeing someone, so you won't meet up with him - he first says he understands/respects that... then he goes against your boundary and asks you out again - now only after you've met someone.

Pfft. I wouldn't pay him any mind. I think he was probably dating other people or just wasn't that into starting up something with you which explains all of his behavior. And let me tell you, my #1 pet peeve is the disappearing act. It's rude.


----------



## vi_bride04

FIP - he sounds like a gamer i tried dating early last year. Would go weeks to a month in between dates, even though he would schedule the next date a day or two after going out. He never called me and only texted. It was seriously annoying, it was proving difficult to get to know him better since it would be so much time in between seeing each other. 

I cut it off as I had better things to do than to make plans only to have them canceled by him over and over and over. After not hearing from him for 2 months he sent me this huge long text about how he missed me. I never responded. There was no point keeping that banter going. Missed me? The guy barely spent any time with me, how could he miss me, lol. 

Cut that one FIP, he just gonna be flakey the whole time.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> I cut it off as I had better things to do than to make plans only to have them canceled by him over and over and over. After not hearing from him for 2 months he sent me this huge long text about how he missed me. I never responded.


PERFECT response to a guy who disappears on you.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Moxy, do I need to take you out again to get you out of this post-birthday funk that you're in? I'd be happy to, really.:smthumbup:

I'll do my best to remember it this time.




Lone Shadow said:


> Moxy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Dreamy? Sure, ne. Most would say so. He's very handsome, well-traveled in the world, polite, intelligent, sweet, cultured, hard-working, extremely fit (like my ex-h), very well-endowed, also ex-military (which I have recently discovered is very attractive to me) but not working-class, energetic, and jovial. He has a really beautiful smile and an adventurous spirit.
> 
> 
> 
> Wait just a damn minute! I don't remember going out on a date last night.
Click to expand...


----------



## Lone Shadow

mmmmm. I made chicken kaysa-dillas for lunch.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> OK, question for the TAM Singles...
> 
> Back in November, a guy on ******* starts chatting me up about a week before Thanksgiving, but doesn't ask to meet, and then disappears over the holiday week. Texts me Saturday after Thanksgiving, asks if I'm back in town, and when I tell him I got back Friday, and he responds, "If I had known you'd be back on Friday, I would have asked you to meet for a drink." Text text text, but he doesn't actually ask to meet, then disappears again.
> 
> He pops up two weeks later, text text text, finally invites me out for a drink. This is around December 17. I agree, but I'm not really into it since he doesn't seem to be terribly interested in the pursuit. Had fun, but not sure if he's into it or not. He texts me a bit the next couple of days, asks when I'll be back in town after Christmas. I tell him the 26th, and think I'll hear from him when I get back.
> 
> Well, I never hear from him, so I figure he's not interested. OK, no problem. I'm not everyone's cup of tea (or coffee, if you prefer).
> 
> So... he texts me this past Friday (a full month later), and he wants to get together. Well, I was already feeling lukewarm about him, and these disappearing acts just aren't cool. Besides, I've started seeing someone else who is more my speed. So I tell him I'll check my calendar and get back to him on Monday.
> 
> So I text him on Tuesday (you can see I'm feeling very enthused about this!), and I say, _I assumed that since you weren't in touch you weren't interested, and I've since started seeing someone else, so I'm not going to be getting together with you. But it was nice meeting you, and best of luck with everything._
> 
> And he responds, _OK, I hadn't put much forethought in with the holidays, but I respect, best of luck to you._
> 
> So I'm thinking, great, that went well, his feelings aren't too hurt and whatever, moving forward.
> 
> But tonight, he texts me, and he says, "FiP, would be fun to hang out though. Would you consider?" (Exact text.)
> 
> My thought is WTF? Is he trying to stay on my back burner, just in case? He wasn't into me enough to stay in touch, but now he wants to be my friend? I just don't see a good reason for it. It just feels weird to me.
> 
> And... I have a lot of male friends, and I always have. I'm sure that some of my male friends, past or present, may have been interested in my but never expressed it. If I don't know, that's fine with me. But I feel funny about hanging out as "friends" with someone who I know probably has ulterior motives.
> 
> So, what do you guys think?


I think not! Simply because he doesnt care you are seeing someone else. 
Lucky you! I have no male friends, well a few but they all live so far away.... and their wives sometimes get jealous of our communication, I always back off because of it. Wife is more important than me.



moxy said:


> This week, I had a birthday. Usually, that makes me happy, or contemplative, at least. This year, I was just inexplicably sad; I may be mildly depressed. I went to work and some of my colleagues wished me a happy day. I went to dinner with a new friend from work and my old best-friend from town didn't want to go to dinner, but wished me a good day, anyway. I decorated my office a bit, as a treat. I got a lot of texts for good wishes. I know I shouldn't be missing people who aren't around and I know it's not a big deal that translator guy didn't text or visit (I wish he had, though), and I know my family cares about me even though they don't understand me, but I'm feeling a bit irrelevant to the people in my life today. Funny -- by this age, I thought I'd have a kid, but I don't know if that's in the cards for me someday or if my life will ever be less of a mess. If I could have anything, I'd wish for the energy to get out of this funk. Some travel and a spa day are gonna have to happen next week!
> 
> Wishing y'all well.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOXY !!!!!!!!!!


----------



## 06Daddio08

While I shouldn't really be surprised, I'm still amazed at times how differently I am treated since going from a 300 lbs fat guy to 215 lbs of muscle.

It's two completely different worlds.


----------



## ne9907

06Daddio08 said:


> While I shouldn't really be surprised, I'm still amazed at times how differently I am treated since going from a 300 lbs fat guy to 215 lbs of muscle.
> 
> It's two completely different worlds.


Congrats! Keep up the good work!

Look up the GORUCK challenge...

I am surprised when I act nice, proper, polite and sweet and most guys do not dig it. BUT when I act myself (i.e. *****y, condescending, playful, sarcastic etc they eat off of my hand) Then my mentality changes and I am "oh so you want a condesending crazy b!tch? I can do that, just dont say I didnt try to be nice..."

What is up with that?


----------



## TooNice

I posted this in my journal thread, but I feel like I should share here, too. 

My paperwork is ready to be signed. And four weeks from tomorrow, I will no longer be married. 

I have so many emotions going right now, I don't even know where to begin. 

All I know is that I do not want to cry in front of him.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> I posted this in my journal thread, but I feel like I should share here, too.
> 
> My paperwork is ready to be signed. And four weeks from tomorrow, I will no longer be married.
> 
> I have so many emotions going right now, I don't even know where to begin.
> 
> All I know is that I do not want to cry in front of him.


Dont let divorce define who you are.

I am sorry you are feeling this way, let it go. Be happy. Cry all you need to but also toughen up.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Congrats! Keep up the good work!
> 
> Look up the GORUCK challenge...
> 
> I am surprised when I act nice, proper, polite and sweet and most guys do not dig it. *BUT when I act myself (i.e. *****y, condescending, playful, sarcastic etc they eat off of my hand) *Then my mentality changes and I am "oh so you want a condesending crazy b!tch? I can do that, just dont say I didnt try to be nice..."
> 
> What is up with that?


That's because they know you are being YOU, being for real. Most guys who arent phony [email protected] looking for a trophy girlfriend appreciate a woman who can be herself, especially if she has some traits similar to them.


----------



## TooNice

3Xnocharm said:


> That's because they know you are being YOU, being for real. Most guys who arent phony [email protected] looking for a trophy girlfriend appreciate a woman who can be herself, especially if she has some traits similar to them.


:iagree:


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> That's because they know you are being YOU, being for real. Most guys who arent phony [email protected] looking for a trophy girlfriend appreciate a woman who can be herself, especially if she has some traits similar to them.


Men arent that smart 

jk, you are right. I never thought about this before actually, with ex I had to be the "saintly woman" had to hide so much of my true self.... or he wouldnt like me or be upset. 

I know Blue was such a bad person to be in a relationship but being with me taught me so many things about myself and increased my self esteem. He was the perfect rebound.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> This week, I had a birthday. Usually, that makes me happy, or contemplative, at least. This year, I was just inexplicably sad; I may be mildly depressed. I went to work and some of my colleagues wished me a happy day. I went to dinner with a new friend from work and my old best-friend from town didn't want to go to dinner, but wished me a good day, anyway. I decorated my office a bit, as a treat. I got a lot of texts for good wishes. I know I shouldn't be missing people who aren't around and I know it's not a big deal that translator guy didn't text or visit (I wish he had, though), and I know my family cares about me even though they don't understand me, but I'm feeling a bit irrelevant to the people in my life today. Funny -- by this age, I thought I'd have a kid, but I don't know if that's in the cards for me someday or if my life will ever be less of a mess. If I could have anything, I'd wish for the energy to get out of this funk. Some travel and a spa day are gonna have to happen next week!
> 
> Wishing y'all well.


Happy Birthday, moxy!

My birthday, when I was separated, was a lot like that. It can be isolating. Go treat yourself to something special, because you deserve it! Your next birthday will be way better 

Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands... next year, be proactive and make plans for your birthday and invite people to come along. Everyone says, you shouldn't have to throw your own party... well, if I want a party, I'm gonna have a party! And you should too


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am surprised when I act nice, proper, polite and sweet and most guys do not dig it. BUT when I act myself (i.e. *****y, condescending, playful, sarcastic etc they eat off of my hand) Then my mentality changes and I am "oh so you want a condesending crazy b!tch? I can do that, just dont say I didnt try to be nice..."


:rofl:



TooNice said:


> All I know is that I do not want to cry in front of him.


If you do not want to, you won't. When you see him, face him with the strength of a Spartan military. You can do this. Then after, if you need to cry, go for it. In front of him -- stealth mode.

You got this. 

The day I got divorced I was sashaying around the courtroom in a pencil skirt, silk blouse, black pumps and and pearl necklace (no, not that kind you pervs). I looked really hot. And I did not let him see me weak. He, however, looked so sad. I will never ever ever forget the look on his face when the judge was questioning him. I thought, "Where'd your game face go?" 

GAME FACE, girl!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> ..I was sashaying around the courtroom in a pencil skirt, silk blouse, black pumps and and pearl necklace (no, not that kind you pervs). I looked really hot.


Thanks a lot. Now I need to go take a cold shower. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks for the feedback, everyone... I usually quote the comments that I'm responding to, but there are too many, so...

@Homemaker--I'm aware that people move at different paces and perceive time differently. And the way he perceives time simply doesn't work for me. He's probably not a jerk, but I don't really feel the need to find out.

@moxy--a coffee date CAN hurt. Mr More-My-Speed and I have agreed that we won't have coffee dates with anyone else, and I think having a coffee "date" with Mr Slow-Poke is a direct violation of that. And besides, I don't really *want* to.

@TooNice--yeah, my gut tells me this is off...

@RandomDude--ha ha, I'm not going to tell him to to fvck off. I have a potty mouth, but I reserve that for someone who REALLY pisses me off. I'm with you; once I find someone more my speed, I'm not interested in multi-dating.

@Ne--yeah, the fact that he doesn't seem to care that I'm seeing someone else actually bothers me! I don't play around. Whatevs.

@JB & @Vi--THANK YOU. That is exactly what I was thinking, and I just needed to see if I was reading it right. I don't even think the text is worth a response. I think I'm going to just let it go.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> If you do not want to, you won't. When you see him, face him with the strength of a Spartan military. You can do this. Then after, if you need to try, go for it. In front of him -- stealth mode.
> 
> You got this.
> 
> The day I got divorced I was sashaying around the courtroom in a pencil skirt, silk blouse, black pumps and and pearl necklace (no, not that kind you pervs). I looked really hot. And I did not let him see me weak. He, howeveer, looked so sad. I will never ever ever forget the look on his face when the judge was questioning him. I thought, "Where'd your game face go?"
> 
> GAME FACE, girl!


I did the same the day of my hearing... I didn't know if he would show or not (he wasn't required to, since I was the one who filed), but if he did, I was going to look strong and hot.

Of course, he wasn't there... but I felt damn good about myself that day.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I did the same...I was going to look strong and hot.
> 
> ....but I felt damn good about myself that day.


Dammit. That's TWO cold showers I'll have to take today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

You know, I do have a very cute sweater dress I bought at the start of the winter. It's just a tiny bit too much for work, and the right date opportunity hasn't come up yet. Perhaps I need to break that in with my high boots and game face.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I've come to the realization that I am _very_ HD. If I sneeze wrong, I get all hot and look for someone to bother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> I've come to the realization that I am _very_ HD. If I sneeze wrong, I get all hot and look for someone to bother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha, I was going to post earlier that you need help! :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Ha, I was going to post earlier that you need help! :rofl:


That an offer? We can play naughty nurse...? :FIREdevil:

Probably wasn't an offer. I did just sneeze after all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> That an offer? We can play naughty nurse...? :FIREdevil:
> 
> Probably wasn't an offer. I did just sneeze after all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think she meant that you might need psychological help... lol


----------



## ne9907

Question!!!!

I have been thinking about this for a while, sitting on it 

I was asked not to squeeze too much during sex because it makes it too tight and he will come too quickly, he would like to enjoy it more. I actually never had this concern (?) happened before, sometimes I cant help squeezing...

Guys? Women?


----------



## FeministInPink

toonice said:


> you know, i do have a very cute sweater dress i bought at the start of the winter. It's just a tiny bit too much for work, and the right date opportunity hasn't come up yet. Perhaps i need to break that in with my high boots and game face.


game face!!!


----------



## AFPhoenix

ne9907 said:


> Question!!!!
> 
> I have been thinking about this for a while, sitting on it
> 
> I was asked not to squeeze too much during sex because it makes it too tight and he will come too quickly, he would like to enjoy it more. I actually never had this concern (?) happened before, sometimes I cant help squeezing...
> 
> Guys? Women?


Squeeze away!!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> Question!!!!
> 
> I have been thinking about this for a while, sitting on it
> 
> I was asked not to squeeze too much during sex because it makes it too tight and he will come too quickly, he would like to enjoy it more. I actually never had this concern (?) happened before, sometimes I cant help squeezing...
> 
> Guys? Women?





AFPhoenix said:


> Squeeze away!!!!:smthumbup:


Second! Of course, squeezing might contribute to walking funny for a few days after.



FeministInPink said:


> I think she meant that you might need psychological help... lol


Psychological help? What's that going to do for my sneezing? Besides, I don't see it as a problem. Certainly not a problem that needs fixing.
3x could be a nurse at... umm... an allergy clinic or something.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Question!!!!
> 
> I have been thinking about this for a while, sitting on it
> 
> I was asked not to squeeze too much during sex because it makes it too tight and he will come too quickly, he would like to enjoy it more. I actually never had this concern (?) happened before, sometimes I cant help squeezing...
> 
> Guys? Women?


If you're with a new partner (not a regular/consistent partner, not yet, anyway), go ahead and keep doing what you like unless/until he says otherwise.

However, in the interest of being GGG, if your consistent partner says to you, "Hey, can you hold off on the squeezing a little bit so I can last longer?"... you should probably hold off on the squeezing. He's not saying it feels bad--in fact, it probably feels crazy good--but he wants to last longer, probably because he wants to make YOU feel good.

I mean, if you said, "Hey, I don't like it when you lick my ear [or whatever move you don't like], could you not do it anymore?"... how would you feel if he continued to lick your ear?


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I mean, if you said, "Hey, I don't like it when you lick my ear [or whatever move you don't like], could you not do it anymore?"... how would you feel if he continued to lick your ear?


Yeah. Sorry to disappoint all you ear lickers out there, but that just doesn't do it for me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Yeah. Sorry to disappoint all you ear lickers out there, but that just doesn't do it for me.


That sounds like a personal problem.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> If you're with a new partner (not a regular/consistent partner, not yet, anyway), go ahead and keep doing what you like unless/until he says otherwise.
> 
> However, in the interest of being GGG, if your consistent partner says to you, "Hey, can you hold off on the squeezing a little bit so I can last longer?"... you should probably hold off on the squeezing. He's not saying it feels bad--in fact, it probably feels crazy good--but he wants to last longer, probably because he wants to make YOU feel good.
> 
> I mean, if you said, "Hey, I don't like it when you lick my ear [or whatever move you don't like], could you not do it anymore?"... how would you feel if he continued to lick your ear?


I need to learn how to be more GGG, sometimes I get "pretty girl" mentality and I think "you should feel damn lucky you are doing me..." other times after I am done, I get tired of mindless pounding and just squeeze away till they are done.... not very GGG


----------



## 3Xnocharm

At the risk of looking stupid...what is GGG??


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> At the risk of looking stupid...what is GGG??


The only stupid question is the question that goes unasked, and I am happy to spread the knowledge. 

"GGG" is a term coined by Dan Savage--my favorite relationship and sex advice columnist/guru, whom I quote often--which means Good, Giving, and Game. It means one should strive to be GOOD in bed, GIVING in equal time and equal pleasure, and GAME to try anything (within reason).

For more detail, see Science proves it: Dan Savage is right - Salon.com


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> At the risk of looking stupid...what is GGG??


Urban dictionary is telling me that GGG is Good, Giving, and Game. I had to look it up too.



ne9907 said:


> I need to learn how to be more GGG, *sometimes I get "pretty girl" mentality and I think "you should feel damn lucky you are doing me..."* other times after I am done, I get tired of mindless pounding and just squeeze away till they are done.... not very GGG


Goodness me. That sounds entertaining. I feel another sneeze coming on. I've never heard of "pretty girl" mentality being applied in this context before.



FeministInPink said:


> That sounds like a personal problem.


Yeah, I have a few personal problems. I'm not ashamed to admit it.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I need to learn how to be more GGG, sometimes I get "pretty girl" mentality and I think "you should feel damn lucky you are doing me..." other times after I am done, I get tired of mindless pounding and just squeeze away till they are done.... not very GGG


Sadly, no, that isn't very GGG... but some men only want a woman to lie there and look pretty, which also isn't very GGG. (My XH was like that.)

Some much personal and sexual pleasure can be derived from being an active participant in sex and in giving your partner pleasure as well. I strongly encourage you to explore these avenues and become more GGG.


----------



## FeministInPink

How GGG are YOU? Take the test.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> How GGG are YOU? Take the test.


Need to take this when I get home! lol! Probably not real SFW. Not that it matters right now, as I have no partner!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Need to take this when I get home! lol! Probably not real SFW. Not that it matters right now, as I have no partner!


Maybe you could borrow Jelly's pencil skirt, and go sashaying around somewhere?:smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> Maybe you could borrow Jelly's pencil skirt, and go sashaying around somewhere?:smthumbup:


Haha, no pencil skirt for me! I do have hip hugger jeans and boots tho!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Haha, no pencil skirt for me! I do have hip hugger jeans and boots tho!


I dun believe it! 

On another note - 

Beware mah sexiness. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, and... I change diapers! I pull off a suit and tie as effortlessly as jeans and a T. 

But wait, There's more!

I'm secure enough in my masculinity to wear pink! I like pink. I make pink look good.


----------



## Healer

Good grief am I horny.


----------



## Healer

****. I see my horny comment came directly after Lone Shadow's declarations of sexiness. This, I assure you, was a coincidence.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Lies. All lies. My sexiness knows no bounds.. and unfortunately has been guilty of attracting the wrong gender. 

I forgive you Healer, it's not your fault.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> ****. I see my horny comment came directly after Lone Shadow's declarations of sexiness. This, I assure you, was a coincidence.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

OMG, I just about died when I read this.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> OMG, I just about died when I read this.


:-|


----------



## Healer

Hoping for date #4 with GuitarGirl this weekend, but she has her son and may or may not be able to get a sitter. Our first 2 dates were only lunch, 3rd was evening and first kiss. She texted me this morning "you should get your butt over here and kiss me again". Sigh. I don't want to rush things. But I totally do. I also haven't been "servicing" myself, so that it will build inside me (literally and figuratively) and hopefully be all the more awesome when it finally does happen.

I usually seal the deal by the 3rd date, so I'm already doing better at holding off.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> Hoping for date #4 with GuitarGirl this weekend, but she has her son and may or may not be able to get a sitter. Our first 2 dates were only lunch, 3rd was evening and first kiss. *She texted me this morning "you should get your butt over here and kiss me again". *Sigh. I don't want to rush things. But I totally do. I also haven't been "servicing" myself, so that it will build inside me (literally and figuratively) and hopefully be all the more awesome when it finally does happen.
> 
> I usually seal the deal by the 3rd date, so I'm already doing better at holding off.


And you didn't go? Why not?:scratchhead:


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> And you didn't go? Why not?:scratchhead:


Work, and I was on call - impossible to get away. She, however, was working from home. Dammit!


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> Good grief am I horny.


Me too. I really hate being on my period especially since I could get laid this weekend...Ugh.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Me too. I really hate being on my period especially since I could get laid this weekend...Ugh.


Never bothered me, really. I slept with lovergirl and Malta while they were on their's a couple times. Not ideal, but whatevs.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> :-|


If life has taught me one thing, it's that there are no coincidences. Just own it you sexy devil you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Never bothered me, really. I slept with lovergirl and Malta while they were on their's a couple times. Not ideal, but whatevs.


Sex really helps to alleviate the cramps


----------



## vi_bride04

On my heaviest days it seriously grosses me out. To a point I feel sick to my stomach


----------



## Lone Shadow

Sex just really helps to alleviate all kinds of things. It's good for headaches too, which really baffles me. Why do women complain about a headache to get out of sex, when sex alleviates headaches? 


...I think I made Healer uncomfortable.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> On my heaviest days it seriously grosses me out. To a point I feel sick to my stomach


Yeah... that alone is reason enough to go back on birth control.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Sex just really helps to alleviate all kinds of things. It's good for headaches too, which really baffles me. Why do women complain about a headache to get out of sex, when sex alleviates headaches?
> 
> 
> ...I think I made Healer uncomfortable.


I once had a threesome with some woman and my bandmate, who's also one of my best friends. You can't unsee that ****. After that, _nothing_ makes me uncomfortable.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> I once had a threesome with some woman and my bandmate, who's also one of my best friends. You can't unsee that ****. After that, _nothing_ makes me uncomfortable.


OMG that was too funny. 

Hang on, I have to go be sexy. Time to change a diaper and put the monsters under the bed in advance of bedtime.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Sex just really helps to alleviate all kinds of things. It's good for headaches too, which really baffles me. Why do women complain about a headache to get out of sex, when sex alleviates headaches?


I never understood that one, either...


----------



## Lone Shadow

S7 (jumping out to scare me) -- Did I scare you?
Me - No.
S7 - Why not?
Me - Because I'm scarier than you.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah... that alone is reason enough to go back on birth control.


I'm on birth control. Everything has improved with my cycle since taking it. Just bummed my opportunity this weekend to get laid is on usually the heaviest day. 

*shakes fist*


----------



## Lone Shadow

Great googly moogly! All this sex talk, and me over here all by myself. Do you ladies realize just how many cold showers I've had to take today thanks to you? I'm not going to be able to afford my water bill for this month if you keep it up.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm on birth control. Everything has improved with my cycle since taking it. Just bummed my opportunity this weekend to get laid is on usually the heaviest day.
> 
> *shakes fist*


I also use it to control when I get my period. It can be a very handy thing... It depends on the method you use, though.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> ...It depends on the method you use, though.


Catholic method. Pull 'n pray.

Then again, that's been looked after already. I'm *not* having any more children.:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Catholic method. Pull 'n pray.
> 
> Then again, that's been looked after already. I'm *not* having any more children.:smthumbup:


Because that method clearly wasn't working for you before! :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

What can I say? Either I didn't pray hard enough, or I pushed when I should have pulled.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> @moxy--a coffee date CAN hurt. Mr More-My-Speed and I have agreed that we won't have coffee dates with anyone else, and I think having a coffee "date" with Mr Slow-Poke is a direct violation of that. And besides, I don't really *want* to.



I missed the bit about exclusivity; definitely no need to violate that. Also, if you don't really want to, then that's really all the reason you need to just nix any thoughts of replying or engaging with him. I'm in and adventurous mood and just wanted to encourage opportunity, but...feelings trump opportunity, in my opinion. If you're not feelin' it, that's just how it goes -- especially if you're feelin' it for someone else.


----------



## moxy

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm on birth control. Everything has improved with my cycle since taking it. Just bummed my opportunity this weekend to get laid is on usually the heaviest day.
> 
> *shakes fist*



Oh, I, too, hate that feeling! I don't mind it during that time, but translator guy is a bit fussy and isn't into it; losing opportunities for reasons outside of your control sucks. My sympathies are with you, vi. I wish you awesome orgasms next time!


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Oh, I, too, hate that feeling! My sympathies are with you, vi. I wish you *awesome orgasms* next time!


Ok, I'm supposed to be in bed. But dammit, I sneezed and got horny again. Then I saw this bit in bold. Now I need to go take another cold shower.


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Ok, I'm supposed to be in bed. But dammit, I sneezed and got horny again. Then I saw this bit in bold. Now I need to go take another cold shower.



Or, just go have some fun with yourself in a hot shower. You'll sleep better that way; I know I always do.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Fun with Moxy in a hot shower. Hmm. Now isn't that an idea. I may just have to try that one later.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> How GGG are YOU? Take the test.


They won't give you the results unless you are ******* member, I think. Cause I got to the end and nothing happened. Twice. 



Healer said:


> I usually seal the deal by the 3rd date, so I'm already doing better at holding off.


Do you have a 3-date rule?



Healer said:


> Never bothered me, really. I slept with lovergirl and Malta while they were on their's a couple times. Not ideal, but whatevs.


I've recently dated someone who just does not at all if it's happening. Much to my chagrin.



FeministInPink said:


> Sex really helps to alleviate the cramps


Orgasms! :smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> I also use it to control when I get my period. It can be a very handy thing... It depends on the method you use, though.


Yeah I used to use it to control my periods/the flow but I got off BC around the time I left Mr. Ex Jelly and haven't been on since. I have no desire to use pills anymore. Have any of you ladies used diaphragms? If so, any good? How do they work?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> I've recently dated someone who just does not at all if it's happening. Much to my chagrin.
> 
> 
> 
> Orgasms! :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah I used to use it to control my periods/the flow but I got off BC around the time I left Mr. Ex Jelly and haven't been on since. I have no desire to use pills anymore. Have any of you ladies used diaphragms? If so, any good? How do they work?


1. You poor thing. 

2. Orgasms! (Need I say more?):smthumbup:

3. I tried the pill for a while, but it tasted funny. I've been using my diaphragm more. Breathing exercises to reduce my desire to commit random acts of violence when confronted with overwhelming amounts of willful stupidity. 

So I typed in menses into google to make sure I was spelling it right, and one of the auto complete search options was "menses madness.":rofl:

Anyway, I think it's time to turn the conversation away from all things . and move on to.. orgasms!


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Do you have a 3-date rule?


No - lovergirl was zero dates. We slept together the first time we hung out (well, I sort of did some grinding with her at a show one time previous - she came to my gig knowing I'd be there). Malta was second date. We made out heavy on the first.

Previous to those 2 it was generally 3. With Guitargirl I'm just wanting to slow it down a little bit for a couple reasons. To let the tension build for both of us so it'll be that much better and because historically I've jumped into bed so fast without really getting to know them, without really having any real emotional connection. I'd like to try and establish that connection first this time.

However last night she texted me saying she got a sitter for tomorrow night so we can get together. I said I was looking forward to kissing her again. She replied. "Uh huh. There's a lot to look forward to". So, not sure what will happen. I'm cool either way. I definitely wouldn't turn her down if she wanted to have the sexors with me.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah Healer, it sounds like you've let the tension build long enough.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Previous to those 2 it was generally 3. With Guitargirl I'm just wanting to slow it down a little bit for a couple reasons. To let the tension build for both of us so it'll be that much better and because historically I've jumped into bed so fast without really getting to know them, without really having any real emotional connection. I'd like to try and establish that connection first this time.


Maybe you can tell her you want to take it slower if she starts pouncing on you. Kiss and make out.

I do personally like the slower build. It makes the final moment of conquer soo...much...better.



Healer said:


> I definitely wouldn't turn her down if she wanted to have *the sexors* with me.


:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer, your timeframe on all this is completely arbitrary, yes? You were wanting to go slower with Guitargirl to establish an emotional connection first, and because things moved so fast with the 2 previous.

It does sound like Guitargirl thinks things have been moving slow enough, and she's wanting to have the sexors with you.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Maybe you can tell her you want to take it slower if she starts pouncing on you. Kiss and make out.
> 
> I do personally like the slower build. It makes the final moment of conquer soo...much...better.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


I absolutely do not have that kind of will power. I am a weak and horny man.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> They won't give you the results unless you are ******* member, I think. Cause I got to the end and nothing happened. Twice.


Boo. I'll have to see if I can find another one. Honestly, I didn't think it was the best test, anyway.



Jellybeans said:


> Yeah I used to use it to control my periods/the flow but I got off BC around the time I left Mr. Ex Jelly and haven't been on since. I have no desire to use pills anymore. Have any of you ladies used diaphragms? If so, any good? How do they work?


Haven't used one. When I'm on, I use NuvaRing. Pop it in and forget about it. If I had to take a pill every day, I would forget it... tried it back in the day, and I was forgetting pills and taking them at the wrong time of day all the time. SOOOO lucky I didn't get preggos. I like the NuvaRing b/c it says to use it for 3 weeks and take it out for one, but it has enough hormones for a full 4 weeks. So you can use it to stretch out your cycle so your menses are less frequent, or you can just skip the menses altogether if you choose not to do the "out" week.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Yeah Healer, it sounds like you've let the tension build long enough.


Well, if he wants an emotional connection, he may want to wait a little longer... depending on how much they've been in touch/communicating between dates, and how well he's gotten to know her.

I've read that men sometimes use sex as a shortcut to emotional intimacy, as sex is one of the most intimate things you can share with another person. it sounds to me like Healer is trying to avoid doing just that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> I absolutely do not have that kind of will power. I am a weak and horny man.


:iagree:


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Healer, your timeframe on all this is completely arbitrary, yes? You were wanting to go slower with Guitargirl to establish an emotional connection first, and because things moved so fast with the 2 previous.
> 
> It does sound like Guitargirl thinks things have been moving slow enough, and she's wanting to have the sexors with you.


It's entirely arbitrary. Yes, it does sound that way, doesn't it?


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I absolutely do not have that kind of will power. I am a weak and horny man.


In that case, I say, use protection. :smthumbup:



FeministInPink said:


> When I'm on, I use NuvaRing. I like the NuvaRing b/c it says to use it for 3 weeks and take it out for one, but it has enough hormones for a full 4 weeks. So you can use it to stretch out your cycle so your menses are less frequent, or you can just skip the menses altogether if you choose not to do the "out" week.


Good to know. Thanks for this info.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Well, if he wants an emotional connection, he may want to wait a little longer... depending on how much they've been in touch/communicating between dates, and how well he's gotten to know her.
> 
> I've read that men sometimes use sex as a shortcut to emotional intimacy, as sex is one of the most intimate things you can share with another person. it sounds to me like Healer is trying to avoid doing just that.


Purely for logistical reasons it may not happen tomorrow. She's hired a babysitter, so there'll be nothing overnight, which would mean we'd have to go to my house during the date. I'll take my cues from her. However she wants guitar lessons and for us to sing/play together - so that's a potential reason to bring it to my house. We haven't discussed the what/when of tomorrow yet. I'll just be cognizant not to have that be the sole focus of seeing her. But if the chips falls that way...


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I've read that... words words words....


Sometimes. Just sometimes. I think you read too much.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

I am going over after work to this guy's house. I enjoy his company and he does mine. We have been talking all weekend long. I do not think of our thing as "dating."

I dont have a term for what it is that we are doing. I enjoy his company, except for a few things, but he knows I only want sex and am emotionally unavailable. He is okay with how I feel, for now, he has always made it clear he would like to eventually date me.

On the other hand, I enjoy talking to Navy.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Sometimes. Just sometimes. I think you read too much.:rofl:


Bah, no such thing!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am going over after work to this guy's house. I enjoy his company and he does mine. We have been talking all weekend long. I do not think of our thing as "dating."
> 
> I dont have a term for what it is that we are doing. I enjoy his company, except for a few things, but he knows I only want sex and am emotionally unavailable. He is okay with how I feel, for now, he has always made it clear he would like to eventually date me.
> 
> On the other hand, I enjoy talking to Navy.


I believe it's called getting to know each other. And once you jump into bed, FWB. With someone you've emotionally friend-zoned, because you know he wants more.

Be very cautious about pursuing a FWB thing with someone whom you know has feelings for you or wants more from you. It very rarely turns out well.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> With someone you've emotionally friend-zoned, because you know he wants more.


Umm...:scratchhead:

Brain moving faster than fingers? Or too much thinking about sexors?

This strikes me as a half finished thought. You're better than that Pink.


----------



## Jellybeans

What FIP said makes perfect sense to me. 

Ne, sounds like he is fine with just hanging out. He probably does hope though that in some weak moment you start liking him. 

Use protection, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl.

(Seems to be my advice theme today in this thread).


----------



## Lone Shadow

Re-reading it, yeah. I was distracted by childrens and not processing everything.

Ne, Jelly is telling you the same thing that I and others have said a few times already, recently. Please consider the advise, even if you decide not to follow it. And yes, def'ly use protection.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> What FIP said makes perfect sense to me.
> 
> Ne, sounds like he is fine with just hanging out. He probably does hope though that in some weak moment you start liking him.
> 
> Use protection, giiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl.
> 
> (Seems to be my advice theme today in this thread).





Lone Shadow said:


> Re-reading it, yeah. I was distracted by childrens and not processing everything.
> 
> Ne, Jelly is telling you the same thing that I and others have said a few times already, recently. Please consider the advise, even if you decide not to follow it. And yes, def'ly use protection.



I do sound like a broken record 

I just had an amazing/weird dream last night. Whenever I have strange dreams, I second guess decisions because I feel dreams have a purpose. This particular dream was extremely powerful!


----------



## Healer

GG and I are going to shoot pool and play Buck Hunter (she told me she's awesome at it) tomorrow night at a hip little downtown pub. She has her sitter from 8 until "when she turns into a pumpkin". So I won't plan on any action tomorrow night. I do look forward to making out with her some more though.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer -- When she turns into a pumpkin? Is she alluding to you being the dashing prince? 

Ne -- The dream sounds interesting. Share? Don't mind the broken record. We all run in circles sometimes.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Healer -- When she turns into a pumpkin? Is she alluding to you being the dashing prince?


Perhaps. She's made it very clear she digs me. Which I am pleased about.


----------



## Healer

Advice request: She lives on the far opposite end of town from me (like 45 minutes or more away). Where we are going is downtown - right in the middle of the 2 of us. Should I offer to pick her up or is it cool to meet her there?


----------



## Jellybeans

Meet halfway. Make out in the car.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ask her to pick you up. Gets her back to your place 


ETA- Kidding, obviously. That would cut your date to nothing if you did ever make it out of the house.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Advice request: She lives on the far opposite end of town from me (like 45 minutes or more away). Where we are going is downtown - right in the middle of the 2 of us. Should I offer to pick her up or is it cool to meet her there?


It's always really nice if the guy makes the effort to do the pick-up and the drive home, complete with opening the door.

(Lone Shadow, would you like to chime in here about making an effort? I'm thinking of your previous post to moxy about the guy who wouldn't drive down to see her.)

And whether or not she appreciates it says a lot about her.

... also, if she is dealing with a sitter with time-limit parameters, this maximizes the amount of time you spend together. You can pick her up at 8, or you can meet her at the restaurant at 8:30 (because she needs to drive there); you can say goodnight at her door at midnight after making out in the car a little bit, or you can say goodnight at 11:30 when she has to leave and drive home to relieve the babysitter.

If you pick her up, you get an additional HOUR with her.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I think you got it all covered, and he probably read it anyway. No reason to repost.


----------



## vi_bride04

Friday night date night!!!! Out with one of my guy friends then meeting my sister and another gf when they get out of work (second shift)


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys, it's official... I've fallen in love... 
I think, at least for now *sigh*

Confessing it was difficult, but with her prodding it eventually took the weight off my shoulders and from her reaction hers too.

No, that's too weak a metaphor, more like it felt more like a dam's walls rupturing to the point the river is now flooding the surrounding landscape. As she left this morning, I felt the sting of immediately missing her, yet I was smiling and joyful, with my thoughts persisting with my feelings for her as well as my heart continually beating as if it's finally woken up after being dead for so long. 

Honeymoon stage I guess, but... is love worth the risk? Not so sure, sometimes it's hard to see, especially when all you remember of love is heartbreak and pain, loss, and grief. Then when you experience again, you wonder why you never opened your heart all this time, to allow this natural feeling to take you over, that makes you feel so... alive

Yet, heartbreak lies around the corner I guess, need to at least repair some parts of the dam that she demolished. As evil as GF turned out to be, utterly cruel.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, it's official... I've fallen in love...
> I think, at least for now *sigh*
> 
> Confessing it was difficult, but with her prodding it eventually took the weight off my shoulders and from her reaction hers too.
> 
> No, that's too weak a metaphor, more like it felt more like a dam's walls rupturing to the point the river is now flooding the surrounding landscape. As she left this morning, I felt the sting of immediately missing her, yet I was smiling and joyful, with my thoughts persisting with my feelings for her as well as my heart continually beating as if it's finally woken up after being dead for so long.
> 
> Honeymoon stage I guess, but... is love worth the risk? Not so sure, sometimes it's hard to see, especially when all you remember of love is heartbreak and pain, loss, and grief. Then when you experience again, you wonder why you never opened your heart all this time, to allow this natural feeling to take you over, that makes you feel so... alive
> 
> Yet, heartbreak lies around the corner I guess, need to at least repair some parts of the dam that she demolished. As evil as GF turned out to be, utterly cruel.


Aaaaas yooouuuuuuu wiiiiiiiiiiiiiissshhhhh!

Congratulations.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, it's official... I've fallen in love...
> I think, at least for now *sigh*
> 
> Confessing it was difficult, but with her prodding it eventually took the weight off my shoulders and from her reaction hers too.
> 
> No, that's too weak a metaphor, more like it felt more like a dam's walls rupturing to the point the river is now flooding the surrounding landscape. As she left this morning, I felt the sting of immediately missing her, yet I was smiling and joyful, with my thoughts persisting with my feelings for her as well as my heart continually beating as if it's finally woken up after being dead for so long.
> 
> Honeymoon stage I guess, but... is love worth the risk? Not so sure, sometimes it's hard to see, especially when all you remember of love is heartbreak and pain, loss, and grief. Then when you experience again, you wonder why you never opened your heart all this time, to allow this natural feeling to take you over, that makes you feel so... alive
> 
> Yet, heartbreak lies around the corner I guess, need to at least repair some parts of the dam that she demolished. As evil as GF turned out to be, utterly cruel.


Heartbreak is NOT necessarily around the corner, RD. I don't necessarily like her having to prod you to get it out, but... having a case of the feels isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I'm really happy for you. 

Seriously... you've come a really long way, RD. You might not see it, but we all do.


----------



## Another Planet

Hi everyone! Feels likes it been forevers! Hope you're doing good


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Hi everyone! Feels likes it been forevers! Hope you're doing good


AP! We've missed you! I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm doing good. How are you?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Hi everyone! Feels likes it been forevers! Hope you're doing good


AP, I was thinking about you the other day when Arendt finally checked in again!


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> Aaaaas yooouuuuuuu wiiiiiiiiiiiiiissshhhhh!
> 
> Congratulations.


It's a travesty, nothing to congratulate lol



FeministInPink said:


> Heartbreak is NOT necessarily around the corner, RD. I don't necessarily like her having to prod you to get it out, but... having a case of the feels isn't necessarily a bad thing.
> 
> I'm really happy for you.
> 
> Seriously... you've come a really long way, RD. You might not see it, but we all do.


Heh well, I honestly don't blame her, she deserves the reassurance that her feelings are not one-sided.

It's actually quite interesting to note that our foundation is one of transparency, unlike my ex, so in that, I guess the future may yet be promising.

ARGH what am I saying, RD is changing, tis a travesty! Must... rebuild... dam...


----------



## ne9907

Hi AP!!
If this no name guy keep this sh!t up, I might make him my boyfriend!
I am on my period,he knows, and he still had a bubble bath, wine, and candles ready when I got to his place!

He knows work is hella stressful right now 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> I am going over after work to this guy's house. I enjoy his company and he does mine. We have been talking all weekend long. I do not think of our thing as "dating."
> 
> I dont have a term for what it is that we are doing. I enjoy his company, except for a few things, but he knows I only want sex and am emotionally unavailable. He is okay with how I feel, for now, he has always made it clear he would like to eventually date me.
> 
> On the other hand, I enjoy talking to Navy.


Popping in to check on all the fun singles of TAM adventures! Damn, this thread moves FAST. Still trying to catch up. 

Not sure if anyone remembers, but a year ago I was seeing a chef I referred to as the "swedish chef" who was super fun but VERY flakey. Well, guess who showed up at my bar two weeks ago, hat in hand?! 

He asked me out for dinner and drinks, and before I knew it - we were sharing a much needed roll in the hay. Which was great. I do find it a bit odd he contacted me after all this time...but I also am excited to have a FWB situation right now. I have been working WAY too many hours and it's a much needed pleasure! 

This time, hoping the fact I see the situation for what it is will keep me from getting hurt. Only time will tell, and for some reason, I'm willing to roll the dice.

Edited to add: I think that reason is called "being horny."


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> ARGH what am I saying, RD is changing, tis a travesty! Must... rebuild... dam...


"I am your dam tour guide. You can take all the dam pictures you want. Now, does anybody have any dam questions?"

"Yeah, where can I get some damn bait?"


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer should be getting home sometime within the hour. I hope he decides to tell us how the date with Guitargirl went.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> AP! We've missed you! I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm doing good. How are you?





3Xnocharm said:


> AP, I was thinking about you the other day when Arendt finally checked in again!


I am doing pretty durn good. Not to sound cheesy but I think about you all on a daily basis so I hope all is well 
Can't believe what a year can do to you and the changes that have taken place in my life, I never thought I would be here :rofl:

I'll take some time out today and see if I can catch up on the latest happenings with all of you


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Edited to add: I think that reason is called "being horny."


:smthumbup:


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Healer should be getting home sometime within the hour. I hope he decides to tell us how the date with Guitargirl went.


It's tonight brother. I shall certainly report back.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, it's official... I've fallen in love...
> I think, at least for now *sigh*
> 
> Confessing it was difficult, but with her prodding it eventually took the weight off my shoulders and from her reaction hers too.
> 
> No, that's too weak a metaphor, more like it felt more like a dam's walls rupturing to the point the river is now flooding the surrounding landscape. As she left this morning, I felt the sting of immediately missing her, yet I was smiling and joyful, with my thoughts persisting with my feelings for her as well as my heart continually beating as if it's finally woken up after being dead for so long.
> 
> Honeymoon stage I guess, but... is love worth the risk? Not so sure, sometimes it's hard to see, especially when all you remember of love is heartbreak and pain, loss, and grief. Then when you experience again, you wonder why you never opened your heart all this time, to allow this natural feeling to take you over, that makes you feel so... alive
> 
> Yet, heartbreak lies around the corner I guess, need to at least repair some parts of the dam that she demolished. As evil as GF turned out to be, utterly cruel.


Some points I'd like to make (they are de facto, I'm just highlighting them):

1. When love finds you, you don't have a choice. It happens and that's that. Love between two people is like one of those dogs that acts all calm and cool and you're relaxed around it and forget about it and then it bites you in the a**. You can't undo that bite. 

2. Yes, it can hurt horribly. Heart break is very real. I have experienced it for myself and it is like nothing else you will ever experience in life. Physically very crushing and can leave you in a sobbing heap in the corner of an ER with an MD scratching his head about treatment (there is none). But referring back to point 1. there is no choice. 

3. The feeling you have is the real one. You should enjoy it, and don't worry about point 2. because once you have experienced it even if there is heartbreak at some point and loss of loved one, the experience of being loved will stay with you forever. It does not have any kind of end point.

4. Life will bow down to the real thing, so long as you are willing to set aside your perception of time and physical space. When you are not with someone you love physically, you are still with them. Scientifically, this is explained by quantum mechanics. There is no need to be cynical and second guess the feeling as pure sentimentality, hormones, wishful thinking, etc. There are things you can't understand, and you shouldn't worry about them, which is different than dismissing them as improbable.

5. You will always feel slightly anxious if/when you think about point 2. So you should trust that there will be humans around who understand and will help you cope, also that points 3 and 4 prevail and 1. you have no control over any of this. It's okay. You are now among the lucky and the world is that much more complete. It is a good thing. And if you feel like you are in a different world, you are. Things may look the same, but you are in an entirely different place. Don't expect everyone to understand the way you perceive and make decisions. They won't. Some people might question your sanity or ask you if you're for real. Learn to smile more, you cannot really explain to people who have not crossed over. On the other hand, you will find yourself looking at things very differently. Whatever you do, don't panic :rofl:

Welcome to the dream.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> It's tonight brother. I shall certainly report back.


Better a day early than a day late. I might save a buck.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Whatever you do, don't panic :rofl:
> 
> Welcome to the dream.



And don't forget your towel!:smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

I really hate the updated version of Tapatalk. I'm having an inexplicably rough night (soooo emo; why!?) and I want to take all of my bad mood out on this app! I'm behind on my posts and threads because of an interface. Grr.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Some points I'd like to make (they are de facto, I'm just highlighting them):
> 
> 1. When love finds you, you don't have a choice. It happens and that's that. Love between two people is like one of those dogs that acts all calm and cool and you're relaxed around it and forget about it and then it bites you in the a**. You can't undo that bite.
> 
> 2. Yes, it can hurt horribly. Heart break is very real. I have experienced it for myself and it is like nothing else you will ever experience in life. Physically very crushing and can leave you in a sobbing heap in the corner of an ER with an MD scratching his head about treatment (there is none). But referring back to point 1. there is no choice.
> 
> 3. The feeling you have is the real one. You should enjoy it, and don't worry about point 2. because once you have experienced it even if there is heartbreak at some point and loss of loved one, the experience of being loved will stay with you forever. It does not have any kind of end point.
> 
> 4. Life will bow down to the real thing, so long as you are willing to set aside your perception of time and physical space. When you are not with someone you love physically, you are still with them. Scientifically, this is explained by quantum mechanics. There is no need to be cynical and second guess the feeling as pure sentimentality, hormones, wishful thinking, etc. There are things you can't understand, and you shouldn't worry about them, which is different than dismissing them as improbable.
> 
> 5. You will always feel slightly anxious if/when you think about point 2. So you should trust that there will be humans around who understand and will help you cope, also that points 3 and 4 prevail and 1. you have no control over any of this. It's okay. You are now among the lucky and the world is that much more complete. It is a good thing. And if you feel like you are in a different world, you are. Things may look the same, but you are in an entirely different place. Don't expect everyone to understand the way you perceive and make decisions. They won't. Some people might question your sanity or ask you if you're for real. Learn to smile more, you cannot really explain to people who have not crossed over. On the other hand, you will find yourself looking at things very differently. Whatever you do, don't panic :rofl:
> 
> Welcome to the dream.


Thanks Homemaker, tis a pain in the behind thats all. I'm sure we will be fine 

More worried about ex/daughter at the moment.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> I really hate the updated version of Tapatalk. I'm having an inexplicably rough night (soooo emo; why!?) and I want to take all of my bad mood out on this app! I'm behind on my posts and threads because of an interface. Grr.


You can take it out on me, but only if you promise to use a wet noodle.:whip:


----------



## daddymikey1975

I don't post much, but I'm wondering, how does a guy keep from falling too quickly for a new GF? Is the answer simply "don't hop in the sack too soon" ? Lol


----------



## Lone Shadow

daddymikey1975 said:


> I don't post much, but I'm wondering, how does a guy keep from falling too quickly for a new GF? Is the answer simply "don't hop in the sack too soon" ? Lol


I think that the best I can do is refer you back to 2 posts above yours, where RD quoted HNU's post. It's not something that you have any control over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Thanks Homemaker, tis a pain in the behind thats all. I'm sure we will be fine
> 
> More worried about ex/daughter at the moment.


Want to talk about it? You know we're all full of advice. Or... just writing about your concerns may be enough to help alleviate them somewhat.


----------



## FeministInPink

daddymikey1975 said:


> I don't post much, but I'm wondering, how does a guy keep from falling too quickly for a new GF? Is the answer simply "don't hop in the sack too soon" ? Lol


Is this something that you find happens too often, and with women who aren't right for you, or dare I say, even *bad* for you?

I think the key to avoid falling too quickly (and to therefore avoid falling for a woman who is wrong for you) is to remember the difference between infatuation and love, and to recognize what you're feeling when you're first with a new partner is infatuation, not love.

The important thing to recognize about infatuation is that your feelings aren't so much about the other person specifically, as they are about your ideas about the other person and your hopes for the future. You get excited because you see this person as a potential long-term partner... but the risk you run in this scenario, if you're not aware of the difference between love and infatuation, is that you may project onto your partner the qualities you *want* them to have, rather than the qualities they *do* have.

Feeling infatuation isn't a bad thing. Infatuation is what keeps us with a new partner long enough for feelings of real love to manifest, and there is a lot of overlap between the two. Early on in a relationship, when these feelings of infatuation when they sweep over you (as they are wont to do), you'll be better off and in more control of the situation if you are able to step back and say to yourself, "I'm having these feelings about her. Am I having these feelings because I'm projecting my ideals/desires onto her (infatuation), or is it because I really care about her and accept her for all that she is, faults and all (love)?"

I recently read that up to 90% of our perception of another person can be the qualities that we project onto them, because of what we want them to be, because of our own needs and desires. This type of projection fuels infatuation, because when you project onto another person, you're really just falling for an idealized version of them, not who they really are. If you can step back and mitigate your own projection, you can get to know the other person for who they really are; if you can do that, than you have a much better shot at a real connection and real love.

But like I said, infatuation isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as you recognize it for what it is. It feels amazing and it increases your endorphins, so it makes you happier, and it also means that you're humping like bunny rabbits, which is always a good thing! (But remember, kids: hump safely so you don't end up with any unplanned bunny babies.) And if you recognize infatuation for what it is, if your relationship ends, it will be easier for you to manage the hurt and to move on--or to leave, if you're the one who decides that the long-term possibility isn't there.

An interesting look at the difference between love and infatuation, and how western society has idealized and promoted the the false idea that infatuation equals (true) love: 

How Do You Know When It's Love?


----------



## daddymikey1975

Without quoting your whole post, I'll safely say this has got to be the best explanation and insight I've run across yet. 

No this typically doesn't happen to me. I already had my rebound (and it was fun for us both) and ended amicably. Went through the fwb stage and am now looking to date a bit more seriously. 

I got married to my ex wife after some hot sex and an unplanned pregnancy. Lol 

Don't wanna latch onto someone too quickly or for the wrong reasons. 

Thanks for the insight. I got some reading to do. ☺


----------



## FeministInPink

daddymikey1975 said:


> Without quoting your whole post, I'll safely say this has got to be the best explanation and insight I've run across yet.
> 
> No this typically doesn't happen to me. I already had my rebound (and it was fun for us both) and ended amicably. Went through the fwb stage and am now looking to date a bit more seriously.
> 
> I got married to my ex wife after some hot sex and an unplanned pregnancy. Lol
> 
> Don't wanna latch onto someone too quickly or for the wrong reasons.
> 
> Thanks for the insight. I got some reading to do. ☺


Thanks... I can't take full credit for it, though. I listen to a lot of Dan Savage podcasts, and I read a lot... I'm very interested in psychology and the way people interact with one another, along with the "why" behind it. I find that it helps me a lot when dealing with other people and understanding why I do what I do--and making appropriate changes/adjustments in my own behavior to encourage a more favorable outcome in whatever scenario I find myself.


----------



## Lone Shadow

So I got an update about Healer and GG. Turns out, GG was an axe murderer. Sorry to say, but we will never see Healer again. He's moved on to the big hockey rink in the sky.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## daddymikey1975

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks... I can't take full credit for it, though. I listen to a lot of Dan Savage podcasts, and I read a lot... I'm very interested in psychology and the way people interact with one another, along with the "why" behind it. I find that it helps me a lot when dealing with other people and understanding why I do what I do--and making appropriate changes/adjustments in my own behavior to encourage a more favorable outcome in whatever scenario I find myself.


Maybe I'll add Dan savage to my list of podcasts. I'm also interested in psychology but haven't devoted much time to research. Guess I'll hafta.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

daddymikey1975 said:


> I don't post much, but I'm wondering, *how does a guy keep from falling too quickly for a new GF?* Is the answer simply "don't hop in the sack too soon" ? Lol


I need to learn this same thing. What FIP posted makes a lot of sense.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Want to talk about it? You know we're all full of advice. Or... just writing about your concerns may be enough to help alleviate them somewhat.


We'll be ok, I hope, at least ex is being forthcoming about the whole thing and we have already signed and applied for the divorce. Just need the court to approve and then it's "official"

Going to be a divorcee soon.

The problem is that she has fed our daughter false hope, hope that she has postponed crushing for quite some time, not to mention influence from her church and family. It'll still be some time before my gf can meet her, I want everything to be smooth.

Regardless there is progress and we've taken the right steps (I think) in resolving these issues.


----------



## Pluto2

I rarely post in this thread, but this weekend I received my first unsolicited offer of a date, and it was creepy.

I had to replace my car and got a used Honda. The salesman was sort of flirting but nothing unseemly. Then yesterday, he calls me at home, tells me he's drunk at a bar with "the boys" and wants to take me to dinner so I can "take advantage of him". I said "No" and I was not wishy-washy about it. 
If this is what I've got to look forward to in the dating pool, I'm not sure I'll jump in.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> We'll be ok, I hope, at least ex is being forthcoming about the whole thing and we have already signed and applied for the divorce. Just need the court to approve and then it's "official"
> 
> Going to be a divorcee soon.
> 
> The problem is that she has fed our daughter false hope, hope that she has postponed crushing for quite some time, not to mention influence from her church and family. It'll still be some time before my gf can meet her, I want everything to be smooth.
> 
> Regardless there is progress and we've taken the right steps (I think) in resolving these issues.


Have you spoken to your ex about the fact that she has been, essentially, lying to your daughter? That's unfair and confusing to your daughter, and it doesn't help your daughter to move forward and deal with her own emotions about the split.

Delaying the inevitable pain doesn't do anyone any good.


----------



## FeministInPink

Pluto2 said:


> I rarely post in this thread, but this weekend I received my first unsolicited offer of a date, and it was creepy.
> 
> I had to replace my car and got a used Honda. The salesman was sort of flirting but nothing unseemly. Then yesterday, he calls me at home, tells me he's drunk at a bar with "the boys" and wants to take me to dinner so I can "take advantage of him". I said "No" and I was not wishy-washy about it.
> If this is what I've got to look forward to in the dating pool, I'm not sure I'll jump in.


OMG, CREEPY!!!

The creepiest part is that he took your number and probably programmed it into his phone... otherwise, why would he have called you DRUNK from a bar??? So wrong on so many levels.

If he had called you from the dealership and was like, hey, I wanted to check in and see how that Honda was working out for you? And then flirted a little more, and then asked you out, that would have been OK, but a drunk call... eewwww.

ETA: A friend sent this to me yesterday, and I couldn't resist sharing, even though I don't normally share/post memes:


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> So I got an update about Healer and GG. Turns out, GG was an axe murderer. Sorry to say, but we will never see Healer again. He's moved on to the big hockey rink in the sky.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's got me tied up in a van, down by the river!!

Saturday was great. We met at a downtown pub and the plan was to shoot pool and play Buck Hunter, but we just talked the entire time. Great conversation - we really, really click.

She teased me a bit and said that I was different than on our last date - (when I played with the band at the club we went to). She said "you were so in your element, you owned that place. Now you're so exposed - it's like you're sitting here naked". Kinda funny. We tease each other a bit which I think is important.

One intense moment was when she talked about a guy she dated for a short time (3 weeks) before me. She mentioned it briefly before but no details. We started talking about guitars and I said I needed to get mine worked on. She said "who do you take it to?". I said "well, the guy I used to take it to is so backed up he'll have it for 2 months or more. There's a guy I used to live with back in '98, who I was also in a band with. Things ended badly between us but I recently ran into him and we were friendly - he has a shop and is apparently really good."

She went white and I realized right then - this is the guy she dated. This city has 1.3 million people! Apparently he was a complete freak and ended up threatening to beat the **** out of her, driving her around threatening her and wouldn't let her out of the car, calling her a f*cking ***** and just being crazy. I knew he was a bad egg but hoped in 17 years he might have changed. I guess he got worse. She was very traumatized by the whole thing. I felt bad for her. She said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so we dropped it. Needless to say I won't be taking my guitars to him. She also said he never paid for dates - she always did.

We've been trading off who pays the tab on our dates. This was number 4 (counting the first lunch we had back in November).

She has invited me to her house Friday night to hang out. She says she doesn't have TV so we'll have to find other ways to entertain ourselves. She texted me when she got home that she could smell me on her clothes and it was driving her crazy. She was reluctant to say that because she didn't want to "scare me off again". She also wants to see me mid week for a tea as Friday is too far away.

So, things are good. Friday should be interesting. I like her a lot.


----------



## Lone Shadow

You're in a van down by the river? Tied up? Sounds like sexyfuntimes! Happy to hear the date went well, and here's best of luck for your mid week tea and Friday night date. (Friday, bring a toothbrush)


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> You're in a van down by the river? Tied up? Sounds like sexyfuntimes! Happy to hear the date went well, and here's best of luck for your mid week tea and Friday night date. (Friday, bring a toothbrush)


Thanks bro! Yup - I was thinking about the toothbrush thing on the drive to work this morning.


----------



## Jellybeans

daddymikey1975 said:


> I don't post much, but I'm wondering, how does a guy keep from falling too quickly for a new GF? Is the answer simply "don't hop in the sack too soon" ? Lol


Ain't no such thing as "controlling" it. It happens and there isn't a DAMN thing you can do about it. 

Ah, feelings. Humans and their feelings.



Pluto2 said:


> I rarely post in this thread, but this weekend I received my first unsolicited offer of a date, and it was creepy.
> 
> I had to replace my car and got a used Honda. The salesman was sort of flirting but nothing unseemly. Then yesterday, he calls me at home, tells me he's drunk at a bar with "the boys" and wants to take me to dinner so I can "take advantage of him". I said "No" and I was not wishy-washy about it.
> If this is what I've got to look forward to in the dating pool, I'm not sure I'll jump in.


 Ew! I hope you blocked his # (but not before telling him never to contact you again). Blech.



Healer said:


> She says she doesn't have TV so we'll have to find other ways to entertain ourselves.


:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Also, Pluto2, I just want to say - that guy was seriously unprofessional. I would be completely weirded out that someone I bought a car from was calling me up on my personal phone talking like how issues not car-related. Talk about zero boundaries and being unprofessional/creeper-like. I hope he doesn't have a habit of doing that to women who come in to his dealership. That is totally out of bounds.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> Also, Pluto2, I just want to say - that guy was seriously unprofessional. I would be completely weirded out that someone I bought a car rm was calling me up on my personal phone talking like how he was on issues not car-related. Talk about zero boundaries and being unprofessional/creeper-like. *I hope he doesn't have a habit of doing that to women who come in to his dealership. That is totally out of bounds.*


This. I would be burning up the phone *****ing about this to anyone in management and HR who would listen. I would also be writing letters. This is stalker behavior, and reeks of pattern. You aren't the first, and likely won't be the last. To further unnerve you, he also has your address.


----------



## Pluto2

Jellybeans said:


> Also, Pluto2, I just want to say - that guy was seriously unprofessional. I would be completely weirded out that someone I bought a car rm was calling me up on my personal phone talking like how he was on issues not car-related. Talk about zero boundaries and being unprofessional/creeper-like. I hope he doesn't have a habit of doing that to women who come in to his dealership. That is totally out of bounds.


I totally agree with you Jellybeans, which was the primary reason I just flatly said No. Why anyone would think a drunk call to a customer would be appealing is beyond me. I found the entire thing extremely creepy.


----------



## ne9907

I had a good weekend.

new guy is calling me "sweety" ugh.... I have already critized much of what he does, and clearly stated that NO! I will not check us in on FB when we go out, and NO I will not allow him to take photos of me and show his "friends".... not naked photos, just normal day to day photos.... So I am letting have "sweety"

Even though I had a good weekend, and we had fun, I am still a bit upset because Navy got pissy at me on Friday for a joke I said. It was a rather stupid and lame (becasue of his job and intel security we have to watch what we say)...
I am still bothered by the fact that he hasnt talked to me since Friday!!!!

Ugh! So annoying!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Navy guy -- what is his backstory? I always forget. He'es not the one who you discovered was married on Facebook, right? (Cause if he is, you know what I am about to say)...

New guy - if you're not into him, then you could always just not hang out with him... ?


----------



## Jellybeans

Lone Shadow said:


> To further unnerve you, he also has your address.


That's why it's so scary/creepy/gross.  Guy is totally out of bounds.

Pluto2, don't be put off by dating. There are some great guys out there and you'll have some positive dates. This one is just an idiot. (Can you imagine the poor soul that decides to date him)?!


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Navy guy -- what is his backstory? I always forget. He'es not the one who you discovered was married on Facebook, right? (Cause if he is, you know what I am about to say)...
> 
> New guy - if you're not into him, then you could always just not hang out with him... ?


No, the married guy was Blue

Navy? he was divorced last May. We met in October, his interest in me has been very minimal but we still talk/text etc. He lives about three hours away from me.
We ended things at the beginning of the month, it was pretty amicable. We still talked and he makes plans to come see me and go out to places etc, nothing solid.
I know perfectly well he isnt into me, but I still like him. I know I need to stop acting like a stupid school girl and get over him.

I am into new guy, just a bit.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I had a good weekend.
> 
> new guy is calling me "sweety" ugh.... I have already critized much of what he does, and clearly stated that NO! I will not check us in on FB when we go out, and NO I will not allow him to take photos of me and show his "friends".... not naked photos, just normal day to day photos.... So I am letting have "sweety"
> 
> Even though I had a good weekend, and we had fun, I am still a bit upset because Navy got pissy at me on Friday for a joke I said. It was a rather stupid and lame (becasue of his job and intel security we have to watch what we say)...
> I am still bothered by the fact that he hasnt talked to me since Friday!!!!
> 
> Ugh! So annoying!!


You are wasting your time with both of these guys, Ne. Why are you spending time with someone who you "criticize most of what he does"??


----------



## Jellybeans

I always confuse Navy with Blue. 



ne9907 said:


> Navy? he was divorced last May. We met in October, *his interest in me has been very minimal* but we still talk/text etc. He lives about three hours away from me.
> *We ended things at the beginning of the month*, it was pretty amicable. We still talked and he makes plans to come see me and go out to places etc, nothing solid.
> *I know perfectly well he isnt into me*, but I still like him. *I know I need to stop acting like a stupid school girl and get over him.*


Yes, yes you do. Ah I think he's the one I said "he is someone to pass the time with, nothing more."

GIRL, you may just have no go full no contact. Stupid feelings! (We have alllllllllll been there).


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> You are wasting your time with both of these guys, Ne. Why are you spending time with someone who you "criticize most of what he does"??


Because the sex is good... and I do not want to date, meet someone else, get to know them, etc etc.... Yes, I just want a hot guy to fall from heaven and be at my door!



Jellybeans said:


> I always confuse Navy with Blue.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, yes you do. Ah I think he's the one I said "he is someone to pass the time with, nothing more."
> 
> GIRL, you may just have no go full no contact. *Stupid feelings*! (We have alllllllllll been there).


yep, stupid gnarly feelings. Navy has everything I actually look for in a man, except that he doesnt dig him! I am so going to put a spell on him!!!!


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Navy has everything I actually look for in a man, except that he doesnt dig him! I am so going to put a spell on him!!!!


And that one missing thing is the MOST important thing. YOu definitely want a guy who is into you, Ne. 



ne9907 said:


> Yes, I just want a hot guy to fall from heaven and be at my door!


Don't we all?! :rofl: Mine would be called Keanu Reeves.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Don't we all?! :rofl: Mine would be called Keanu Reeves.


I thought you would've picked a better actor. ;-)


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Don't we all?! :rofl: Mine would be called Keanu Reeves.


Chris Evans or Bradley Cooper.

navy looks like Bradly cooper, new guys looks like that one guy from My Name is Earl haha!!! Earl actually.


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> Yes, I just want a hot guy to fall from heaven and be at my door.


**knock knock** 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I thought you would've picked a better actor. ;-)


It's not his acting skills I am into.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> It's not is acting skills I am into.


Go get'm Jelly!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Don't we all?! :rofl: Mine would be called Keanu Reeves.


Henry Cavill or Joe Manganiello... yum.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Not that I'm insecure or anything, but are any of these guys straight?

And since we're making wish lists, I'll take Marisa Tomei.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> And since we're making wish lists, I'll take Marisa Tomei.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Drool. I'll take Paz Vega.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Not that I'm insecure or anything, but are any of these guys straight?
> 
> And since we're making wish lists, I'll take Marisa Tomei.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



They're all straight, and most of them are very single....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> Drool. I'll take Paz Vega.


Milla Jovovich, and Miss Isreal from this year's miss universe pageant. 

ETA: And just for kicks... The Rockettes. All of them. Running around my place nekkid, waiting for me to find them. Please Santa? I've been a good boy...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Zhang Ziyi


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Milla Jovovich, and Miss Isreal from this year's miss universe pageant.
> 
> ETA: And just for kicks... The Rockettes. All of them. Running around my place nekkid, waiting for me to find them. Please Santa? I've been a good boy...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll see your Rockettes, and raise you. The Chippendale dancers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I'll see your Rockettes, and raise you. The Chippendale dancers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


...women always want most, the thing they can't have. For reference, see Eve with her apple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> Zhang Ziyi


I'm not into chicks, but Zhang Ziyi is hot. I approve this selection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not into chicks, but Zhang Ziyi is hot. I approve this selection.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



She is, plus she reminds me of my wife (in here younger years  )


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ikaika said:


> Zhang Ziyi


Ikaika, I approve. And I don't typically find Asian women attractive. Bad experiences, sort of like how you train a dog to keep away from snakes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I just want a hot guy to fall from heaven and be at my door!


Haha. I think this is what happened to my boyfriend who did not remember me. Apparently before calling me, he asked his kayaking buddy (my drinking buddy and best friend/now 'brother' status for the past three years) if I was hot. 

Then I showed up at his door and he's like, hey, wow, you are my actual girlfriend...can I kiss you, can I ..... no way!!!!? 

Somewhere in a parallel universe...


----------



## Lone Shadow

So Ne9907... I was stalking your profile just a little bit. I stumbled across a stunning pic of navy in his dress uniform. He's pretty. But also, Mr. ITC is not a real sailor. He's all done up in gold hashes. Shame shame. Every real sailor knows that you're not a real sailor unless you've been in front of the Old Man at least once per enlistment for an "alcohol related incident."

That is all.

:FIREdevil:


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> So Ne9907... I was stalking your profile just a little bit. I stumbled across a stunning pic of navy in his dress uniform. He's pretty. But also, Mr. ITC is not a real sailor. He's all done up in gold hashes. Shame shame. Every real sailor knows that you're not a real sailor unless you've been in front of the Old Man at least once per enlistment for an "alcohol related incident."
> 
> That is all.
> 
> :FIREdevil:


Yeah he is a pretty face.... What is "mr ITC" 
Gosh.... I was actually pretty sad because he, surprise surprise, snubbed me again!!

I went with a friend and "played" basketball and feel slightly better. 
I so want to tell him to Fvck off!! Bastard doesn't want me .....
It sucks being burned....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

I mean come on! Just last thursday and Friday he is sending photos of sunrises and sunsets!!

I am laughing at myself.... I got it bad 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> Yeah he is a pretty face.... What is "mr ITC"
> Gosh.... I was actually pretty sad because he, surprise surprise, snubbed me again!!
> 
> I went with a friend and "played" basketball and feel slightly better.
> I so want to tell him to Fvck off!! Bastard doesn't want me .....
> It sucks being burned....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mr. ITC is "navy."

He is a Chief, aka E7. His Rate is IT, Information Systems Technology. Rate comes before Rank, hence the ITC. The 4 stripes on his sleeve indicate 16 years service. They're gold, because the last 12 consecutive years have been free of disciplinary action. That's why I said he's not a real sailor. A real sailor is in trouble for an "alcohol related incident" at least once every 4 years.

I don't know how he could have snubbed you. You broke it off with him, what, a month ago? He isn't stringing you along, you're stringing yourself along. You snubbed yourself. I'm glad you were able to cheer yourself up by hanging out with some friends; you need to do that more often, and dwell on your dead relationship with navy less often. 

You don't need to tell him to fvck off. You did that a month ago. What you need to do is just go NC with him. Block his number, block his email, and move on. He's treating you the way he is, because you're a backup option. You will continue to be his backup option, because you are allowing yourself to be in that role. 

That cliche saying about how the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? Yeah. Ne, I sincerely believe that this saying applies with you. You Dear, need to get under someone else.


Dammit. I need to get under someone too.


----------



## ne9907

That getting under someone to get over somebody does not work. Personal experience 
Thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> That getting under someone to get over somebody does not work. Personal experience
> Thank you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


C'est la vie. I was trying to offer up the best advice I could. I'm just too tired to come up with anything more meaningful or original. 

I'm off to bed. Alone. Sigh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Have you spoken to your ex about the fact that she has been, essentially, lying to your daughter? That's unfair and confusing to your daughter, and it doesn't help your daughter to move forward and deal with her own emotions about the split.
> 
> Delaying the inevitable pain doesn't do anyone any good.


After seperation ex was still in denial, so I wouldn't consider it intentional. It's a dicey situation really, but she has acknowledged her mistake. There is progress, not to worry!


----------



## moxy

Jellybeans said:


> Don't we all?! :rofl: Mine would be called Keanu Reeves.



In my childhood home, in a bedroom full of original artwork, I had ONE poster up, hanging behind my door where only I would see it -- Keanu Reeves in "Much Ado About Nothing." It may still be hanging there. He's always been my celebrity crush, too. Did you know that he writes poetry, and that it's actually pretty good? Excellent choice, Jelly!


----------



## moxy

Ne, I think the reason Navy isn't into you is because you pushed him away. You're playing that push-pull game with these guys and that's why you're not getting what you want. I think you could've had something with him if you guys took it slow and just kept it going instead of running all hot and cold. He is treating you like a backup, but I think you treated him like one, too. If you like him and want to give it a go, why not come right out and say it? If he turns you down, you can move on to your other guy. You know?

I admit, though, those military and ex-military guys are so hard to get over. I still miss Guy. Often. Mr. Dreamy is fun, but we don't seem to have feelings or emotional connection too far beyond lust. I know: apples and oranges; I knew Guy for many months and sometimes he was Douchey and sometimes I was and I haven't known Mr. Dreamy all that long, yet. Still...nostalgia's a b!tch.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> C'est la vie. I was trying to offer up the best advice I could. I'm just too tired to come up with anything more meaningful or original.
> 
> I'm off to bed. Alone. Sigh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought your post was really good, LS.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> Ne, I think the reason Navy isn't into you is because you pushed him away. You're playing that push-pull game with these guys and that's why you're not getting what you want. I think you could've had something with him if you guys took it slow and just kept it going instead of running all hot and cold. He is treating you like a backup, but I think you treated him like one, too. If you like him and want to give it a go, why not come right out and say it? If he turns you down, you can move on to your other guy. You know?
> 
> I admit, though, those military and ex-military guys are so hard to get over. I still miss Guy. Often. Mr. Dreamy is fun, but we don't seem to have feelings or emotional connection too far beyond lust. I know: apples and oranges; I knew Guy for many months and sometimes he was Douchey and sometimes I was and I haven't known Mr. Dreamy all that long, yet. Still...nostalgia's a b!tch.


Mox, Navy was NEVER really into her, right from the beginning. I remember being so confused when they became a "relationship", because I remembered, hey wait, he really didnt like her that much. I can relate to an extent, because I am having issues letting go myself. Seems musicians are pretty damn hard to get over, too!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> After seperation ex was still in denial, so I wouldn't consider it intentional. It's a dicey situation really, but she has acknowledged her mistake. There is progress, not to worry!


RD it seems everyone's intentions and desires are all good - yours, your SO's, your STBXW, your daughter's. Also everyone is human.

Things will be okay. In your case, nobody is at risk of blowing their top or alienating anyone irrevocably or even for more than a day or a few hours; everyone seems to want to avoid hurting anyone else's feelings and you all sound very cute and adorable  hahaha. It can be awkward, with no clear solution or pathway to the future, but it does seem okay.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Ikaika, I approve. And I don't typically find Asian women attractive. Bad experiences, sort of like how you train a dog to keep away from snakes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lone Shadow said:


> Mr. ITC is "navy."
> 
> You broke it off with him, what, a month ago? He isn't stringing you along, you're stringing yourself along. You snubbed yourself.
> 
> You don't need to tell him to fvck off. You did that a month ago. What you need to do is just go NC with him. Block his number, block his email, and move on. He's treating you the way he is, because you're a backup option. You will continue to be his backup option, because you are allowing yourself to be in that role.


:iagree: You won't ever get over him unless you go no contact, Ne.



moxy said:


> In my childhood home, in a bedroom full of original artwork, I had ONE poster up, hanging behind my door where only I would see it -- Keanu Reeves in "Much Ado About Nothing." Excellent choice, Jelly!


I have loved him for a long time.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jelly, the problem is, is that Ne wants him, then she doesn't, then she does again. 

Ne, do you secretly enjoy being the one doing the chasing?


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> In my childhood home, in a bedroom full of original artwork, I had ONE poster up, hanging behind my door where only I would see it -- Keanu Reeves in "Much Ado About Nothing." It may still be hanging there. He's always been my celebrity crush, too. Did you know that he writes poetry, and that it's actually pretty good? Excellent choice, Jelly!


He's not just a pretty face, then! I had to go digging around one of my old threads to find this little gem from the fall of 2013:



FeministInPink said:


> Hey wtf  You remember correctly. Going back and re-reading my old threads - which I did today for the first time in a VERY long time - is helping me keep things in perspective, and I think you are right. Thanks for the note.
> 
> I also stumbled on this blog post today, which also helps with perspective:
> 
> The Wisdom Of Keanu Reeves « A Woman's Guide to Women: A Blog for Men
> 
> Just wish I had known this six or seven years ago. But then again, maybe I had to go through all this sh!t to really understand what Keanu Reeves was talking about.


Of maybe it was just dumb luck. You give a monkey a typewriter and enough time, eventually he'll manage to type some Shakespeare...


----------



## Ikaika

Take care everyone who is in the path of this latest winter storm on the east coast. Sending warm aloha and Malama Pono. 

As I sit here with my sliding door open in shorts and no shirt after my morning run with Kaia (my dog).


----------



## Jellybeans

Kaia is a cool name. We got snow but nothing crazy. Was soo nice to sleep in today though.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Pink, from that blog:



> “You know the thing about feelings? They’re not real.”


Any way to convince Ne of this truth?




Ikaika said:


> Take care everyone who is in the path of this latest winter storm on the east coast. Sending warm aloha and Malama Pono.
> 
> As I sit here with my sliding door open in shorts and no shirt after my morning run with Kaia (my dog).


This storm is one of the few times that I am actually happy to be living south of the Mason/Dixon. Next week though? I want to hide. Even though it's still a week away, the Euro model runs from this morning are saying that something wicked this way comes. This morning's model run is calling for a foot+ for most of Virginia. Pray it changes.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Kaia is a cool name. We got snow but nothing crazy. Was soo nice to sleep in today though.


----------



## Jellybeans

Aww. He is so cute!



Lone Shadow said:


> Even though it's still a week away, the Euro model runs from this morning are saying that something wicked this way comes. This morning's model run is calling for a foot+ for most of Virginia. Pray it changes.


I will be happy for a ton of snow in the DC area.  Because there is nothing more that I love than getting snowed in with my laptop, good wine, movies and FOOD!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah Jelly, but if I get snowed in, I'm getting snowed in with 2 children. I can toss thing1 out the door to go play in it, but thing2 is a little too young to spend more than a few minutes at a time out in the cold.


----------



## Ikaika

When we get "winter" storms it means large surf on all north and west facing shores. Last week waves were topping 40 feet.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I spent 2.5 years out on Diego Garcia. 7 degrees south of the equator, in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Loved it. If I could afford to go back, I would. But it doesn't pay enough at this point in my life.

Ladies, this is for you:


----------



## Ikaika

Winter time where I live:

http://youtu.be/JCGmUpT6eiU

In my younger days I lived for big swells.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ikaika said:


> Winter time where I live:
> 
> http://youtu.be/JCGmUpT6eiU
> 
> In my younger days I lived for big swells.



I miss living in San Diego.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Found this cute smiley for use alongside the term "Jackhammer"










Random I know... don't ask, just a passing thought >.<


----------



## Fenix

Jellybeans said:


> Aww. He is so cute!
> 
> 
> 
> I will be happy for a ton of snow in the DC area.  Because there is nothing more that I love than getting snowed in with my laptop, good wine, movies and FOOD!


But not the first weekend of Feb! I have plans.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Sorry Fenix. Looking like this Nor'Easter is going to dump on us on 1-2 Feb. Still a ways out though, and subject to change.


----------



## Jellybeans

Fenix said:


> But not the first weekend of Feb! I have plans.


Well considering they called for a freaking blizzard in New York and they barely got hit - I will believe things when I see them. 

Hope you get to enjoy your weekend.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Sorry Fenix. Looking like this Nor'Easter is going to dump on us on 1-2 Feb. Still a ways out though, and subject to change.


NO!!!!!!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I'm just hoping the midwest stays clear until after Valentine's weekend, I am driving out of state with a friend for the weekend. Dont want to be out driving in crap, or have to cancel!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm just hoping the midwest stays clear until after Valentine's weekend, I am driving out of state with a friend for the weekend. Dont want to be out driving in crap, or have to cancel!


Woohoo! Valentine's Road Trip with a _friend._:smthumbup:

Let the sexyfuntimes commence!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> Woohoo! Valentine's Road Trip with a _friend._:smthumbup:
> 
> Let the sexyfuntimes commence!


HA! Dont I wish! lol! Its a girlfriend, and we are getting our hobby geek on for the weekend!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> HA! Dont I wish! lol! Its a girlfriend, and we are getting our hobby geek on for the weekend!


I could take that in so many different ways it isn't funny. But I'm not. I'm going to behave, and leave it alone.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> Ne, I think the reason Navy isn't into you is because you pushed him away. You're playing that push-pull game with these guys and that's why you're not getting what you want. I think you could've had something with him if you guys took it slow and just kept it going instead of running all hot and cold. He is treating you like a backup, but I think you treated him like one, too. If you like him and want to give it a go, why not come right out and say it? If he turns you down, you can move on to your other guy. You know?
> .


You always make me feel better Moxy, but I actually opened up to him a lot more. At my therapists request, I was comminicative of what I want, and supportive. 
I am mourning the illusion of what he represented. He is so damn dreamy (in my eyes).



3Xnocharm said:


> Mox, Navy was *NEVER really into her,* right from the beginning. I remember being so confused when they became a "relationship", because I remembered, hey wait, he really didnt like her that much. I can relate to an extent, because I am having issues letting go myself. Seems musicians are pretty damn hard to get over, too!


Totally agree with you 3x, he was never really into me. I feel we are at different stages in our lives. He is recently divorced and just wants to have fun, he is not looking for something serious, just wants company and to have fun. I, on the other han, want something more substancial. I want something special.
The only thing I can fault him is that when we first met, I asked what he was looking for, we seemed to be on the same level, but apparently he changed his mind. It is normal. 



Lone Shadow said:


> Jelly, the problem is, is that Ne wants him, then she doesn't, then she does again.
> 
> Ne, do you secretly enjoy being the one doing the chasing?


I would have agreed with you that I enjoy doing the chasing, but I just freak out. I freak out bad and start doing the pull/push sh!t Moxy talked about.

I am doing it with new guy... but new guy so far uses his words and re assured me. It was strange but made me feel good.




Jellybeans said:


> I will be happy for a ton of snow in the DC area.  Because there is nothing more that I love than getting snowed in with my laptop, good wine, movies and FOOD!


I love SNOW~~~

So Lone Shadow... Are you/were you in the NAVY?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yes, I was in the Navy.


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Yes, I was in the Navy.


I am ex Army, current NG


----------



## Lone Shadow

Why did you go from Active to NG?


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Why did you go from Active to NG?


Ex was tired of me being Active, this was way back in 2002. I thought I wanted out, but I actually enjoy my job a lot!
I joined NG in 2011 when things with ex got dicey and I knew I needed something else besides a college degree....

that was the cliff notes version


----------



## Lone Shadow

Have you given thought to going active again, maybe on your next reenlistment?


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Have you given thought to going active again, maybe on your next reenlistment?


I have but the situation at the moment is against everything. I am too old for active, the army as it is is cutting back at lot, and it is very difficult for NG members to go active.

I actually enlisted in 1996.... almost 20 years!~
I could have been done if I had stayed in but no use crying over spilled beer


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ver' true. The thing I don't like about the Army is you people go TDY.

In the Navy, we go TAD. And everybody knows that TAD stands for Traveling Around Drunk. I have NFC what TDY stands for.:scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Ver' true. The thing I don't like about the Army is you people go TDY.
> 
> In the Navy, we go TAD. And everybody knows that TAD stands for Traveling Around Drunk. I have NFC what TDY stands for.:scratchhead:


:rofl:

it means temporary duty assignment. But as for the real meaning, I have no idea... I am a good girl! I wouldnt know about drinking and stuff while on orders!


----------



## Jellybeans

Temporary Duty Yonder

Temporary Duty Yeager


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> it means temporary duty assignment. But as for the real meaning, I have no idea... I am a good girl! I wouldnt know about drinking and stuff while on orders!


On orders, but off duty are different. You can still enjoy yourself while off duty.

I've worked with a lot of Army guys the last few years. Because I'm Navy, those bastages were always threatening to get the spermicide. Miserable sons of b!tches. I told them that their problem was they couldn't see the forest for the trees.:rofl:


Thanks Jelly. I think I'll pass on TDY. I never did like the taste of that stuff.


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> On orders, but off duty are different. You can still enjoy yourself while off duty.
> 
> I've worked with a lot of Army guys the last few years. Because I'm Navy, those bastages were always threatening to get the spermicide. Miserable sons of b!tches. I told them that their problem was they couldn't see the forest for the trees.:rofl:
> 
> 
> Thanks Jelly. I think I'll pass on TDY. I never did like the taste of that stuff.


Well everyone knows that the only way to separate the men from the boys in the Navy is with a crowbar...


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> Well everyone knows that the only way to separate the men from the boys in the Navy is with a crowbar...


The Navy? I thought that was the Catholic Church...


No worries though. Army hasn't won a football game against Navy since before Facebook.:rofl:


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> No worries though. Army hasn't won a football game against Navy since before Facebook.:rofl:


that is because we actually do one thing you Navy folks do not... defend our country!

Starbucks run Lone Shadow??


----------



## Lone Shadow

Now see, you're confusing the Navy with the Air Farce.


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Now see, you're confusing the Navy with the Air Farce.


Is there a difference? Nope.


----------



## Lone Shadow

We're proud of our Privates. 
--US Army.


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

As long as the snow doesn't impede my Monday evening travel plans I will be happy. Taking a spur of the moment vacation with my Aussie to explore Sleeping Bear Dunes in the winter. Staying in wine country in a jacuzzi suite. Boy it will be nice to just relax in steaming hot water with a bottle of wine after a long cold snowshoe hike! Looking so forward to spending time in mother nature with my baby girl


----------



## moxy

It's in the 80s where I am. Feels like early summer. Work and more work is what's on my horizon, but this afternoon, I am exhausted, and planning to take a nap, which sounds divine.


----------



## Fenix

Lone Shadow said:


> Sorry Fenix. Looking like this Nor'Easter is going to dump on us on 1-2 Feb. Still a ways out though, and subject to change.


Oh, that's ok...I was worried about the next weekend.


----------



## Healer

Draaaaag. I have a bit of a bad feeling here. I may be wrong - but I'm sensing GG might have a short fuse in a sense. I remember back in November, when I didn't text her back in a timely fashion, she unfriended me on Facebook. I remember thinking it was odd and a bit quick on the draw. 

We've been texting a lot these days and generally get back to each other fairly quickly. Yesterday I was given a hush hush top secret mission at work for a news release/budget revision that even my boss couldn't know about. I got the material at about 2 pm and worked here until 11 pm. Then home to sleep for a few hours and up at 3 am to prep to hit the go button for 4 am, done by 5 this morning. Back to bed at 5:30 and I slept until 11 and came to work at noon today. All went perfectly and I got a shout out from the VP. Good stuff. I'm tired as ****.

Anyway, we last texted at 3pm yesterday, she was the last to text. I was genuinely extremely busy and under the gun so didn't text her until noon today. I just said "hey you". She waited and hour and replied "hi there". I replied that last night was crazy, just got into work, but I still have a job, blah blah. Nothing for an hour.

Then she replies "That's good. I was concerned when I didn't hear back from you". Concerned or pissed? So I explained that I was under the gun and didn't even get to talk to my kids last night - how high the pressure was. Which is true. I didn't even get to stop to eat supper. Then I asked "did you think I was ignoring you?"

No response yet. Am I reading too much into it? It's clear she's put off. She takes me not getting back to her in a timely fashion pretty hard. Anger, hurt...not sure which. Probably both. 

Will it always be like that? Will there be drama if I don't respond as she sees fit? Can parameters be put in place or are people just the way they are? 

Is this true? 55 Ridiculous Thoughts A Girl Has When A Guy Isn't Texting Her Back

Hoping I'm the one blowing this out of proportion.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Draaaaag. I have a bit of a bad feeling here. I may be wrong - but I'm sensing GG might have a short fuse in a sense. I remember back in November, when I didn't text her back in a timely fashion, she unfriended me on Facebook. I remember thinking it was odd and a bit quick on the draw.
> 
> We've been texting a lot these days and generally get back to each other fairly quickly. Yesterday I was given a hush hush top secret mission at work for a news release/budget revision that even my boss couldn't know about. I got the material at about 2 pm and worked here until 11 pm. Then home to sleep for a few hours and up at 3 am to prep to hit the go button for 4 am, done by 5 this morning. Back to bed at 5:30 and I slept until 11 and came to work at noon today. All went perfectly and I got a shout out from the VP. Good stuff. I'm tired as ****.
> 
> Anyway, we last texted at 3pm yesterday, she was the last to text. I was genuinely extremely busy and under the gun so didn't text her until noon today. I just said "hey you". She waited and hour and replied "hi there". I replied that last night was crazy, just got into work, but I still have a job, blah blah. Nothing for an hour.
> 
> Then she replies "That's good. I was concerned when I didn't hear back from you". Concerned or pissed? So I explained that I was under the gun and didn't even get to talk to my kids last night - how high the pressure was. Which is true. I didn't even get to stop to eat supper. Then I asked "did you think I was ignoring you?"
> 
> No response yet. Am I reading too much into it? It's clear she's put off. She takes me not getting back to her in a timely fashion pretty hard. Anger, hurt...not sure which. Probably both.
> 
> Will it always be like that? Will there be drama if I don't respond as she sees fit? Can parameters be put in place or are people just the way they are?
> 
> Is this true? 55 Ridiculous Thoughts A Girl Has When A Guy Isn't Texting Her Back
> 
> Hoping I'm the one blowing this out of proportion.


Well...when you were texting at 3pm, did you let her know that you would be stuck there with basically an intense all nighter and wouldnt be available? If you didnt, I can understand her being a little put off, especially if you guys are texting all the time. If you DID tell her what was up, then yeah...overreaction.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Well...when you were texting at 3pm, did you let her know that you would be stuck there with basically an intense all nighter and wouldnt be available? If you didnt, I can understand her being a little put off, especially if you guys are texting all the time. If you DID tell her what was up, then yeah...overreaction.


If you guys are in the habit of texting a lot, and then you all of a sudden, without warning, drop off the face of the planet for 24 hours... it might be cause for concern. 

Some women will flip out if you don't respond within 30 minutes, which IS crazy (like the article that Healer mentioned), and most women recognize that. But 24 hrs is a long time span, in an era where most people are permanently attached to their phones, esp if you didn't tell her you'd be unavailable, and would probably piss off most women, especially if you're in the habit of texting multiple times a day... a weird drop off in communication is usually a sign that the guy's not into it anymore. Some women take that in stride, and... some women freak out. 

Reading the way you described it... she's probably upset, but she's trying to play it cool because she doesn't want you to know she's upset because then she'll seem clingy or whatever.

And you know, honestly... you don't know her full background/backstory yet. She might have a really good reason for being this way... or maybe she doesn't. Or maybe you're totally misreading it. It's one little thing. Just see how it plays out.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Draaaaag. I have a bit of a bad feeling here. I may be wrong - but I'm sensing GG might have a short fuse in a sense. I remember back in November, when I didn't text her back in a timely fashion, she unfriended me on Facebook. I remember thinking it was odd and a bit quick on the draw.
> 
> We've been texting a lot these days and generally get back to each other fairly quickly. Yesterday I was given a hush hush top secret mission at work for a news release/budget revision that even my boss couldn't know about. I got the material at about 2 pm and worked here until 11 pm. Then home to sleep for a few hours and up at 3 am to prep to hit the go button for 4 am, done by 5 this morning. Back to bed at 5:30 and I slept until 11 and came to work at noon today. All went perfectly and I got a shout out from the VP. Good stuff. I'm tired as ****.
> 
> Anyway, we last texted at 3pm yesterday, she was the last to text. I was genuinely extremely busy and under the gun so didn't text her until noon today. I just said "hey you". She waited and hour and replied "hi there". I replied that last night was crazy, just got into work, but I still have a job, blah blah. Nothing for an hour.
> 
> Then she replies "That's good. I was concerned when I didn't hear back from you". Concerned or pissed? So I explained that I was under the gun and didn't even get to talk to my kids last night - how high the pressure was. Which is true. I didn't even get to stop to eat supper. Then I asked "did you think I was ignoring you?"
> 
> No response yet. Am I reading too much into it? It's clear she's put off. She takes me not getting back to her in a timely fashion pretty hard. Anger, hurt...not sure which. Probably both.
> 
> Will it always be like that? Will there be drama if I don't respond as she sees fit? Can parameters be put in place or are people just the way they are?
> 
> Is this true? 55 Ridiculous Thoughts A Girl Has When A Guy Isn't Texting Her Back
> 
> 
> Hoping I'm the one blowing this out of proportion.


I do like this GG a lot! She seems to have strong boundaries. I propose you tell her that you are an extremely busy person and do not always have time to reply right away to her texts, but that you do enjoy her company inmensely and hope she understands this facet of your life.

So far, she seems reasonable and hopefully she will appreciate your honesty and accept your explanations. If she does not, then that is a cause for concern


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah, I got nothing. I'm trying to diagnose a problem between the TV and PS4. Well, I thought it was a problem between them, until I plugged my laptop into the TV and it didn't work either. The board on the TV might be fried, I'm troubleshooting now.

In other news, I'm buying a 2008 HD FLSTSB. :FIREdevil:


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Well...when you were texting at 3pm, did you let her know that you would be stuck there with basically an intense all nighter and wouldnt be available? If you didnt, I can understand her being a little put off, especially if you guys are texting all the time. If you DID tell her what was up, then yeah...overreaction.


She knew I was in for an all nighter and was doing a high intensity project...but I didn't say I wouldn't be available.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Yeah, I got nothing. I'm trying to diagnose a problem between the TV and PS4. Well, I thought it was a problem between them, until I plugged my laptop into the TV and it didn't work either. The board on the TV might be fried, I'm troubleshooting now.
> 
> In other news, I'm buying a 2008 HD FLSTSB. :FIREdevil:


Lol. Thanks for nothing LS.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Problem solved for now. Just had to unplug the TV for about 10 minutes.

No worries Healer, you got this. You don't need me.


----------



## Healer

Yes I can see that stretch of a drop off might have put her off. She finally got back to my question "Did you think I was ignoring you?". She said "haha! I wasn't sure". So there you go. I replied "I wasn't, I promise. I was just under the gun. I would never ignore you on purpose. No games, K?".

So I qualified. But I didn't apologize. No response yet. Sigh.


----------



## Healer

Maybe I should call her tonight as a show of sincerity. We haven't talked on the phone yet. If she isn't totally pissed at me she might like that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Poor Healer. It's been nice knowing you man, but it sounds like you've got a case of "the feels."


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Poor Healer. It's been nice knowing you man, but it sounds like you've got a case of "the feels."


Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! But I'm dead inside.


----------



## Fenix

Agree with fip and 3X. You broke pattern. Why didn't you take the 30 seconds to let her know that you were swamped and would text the next day?

The unfriending thing is weird though.


----------



## Healer

Fenix said:


> Agree with fip and 3X. You broke pattern. Why didn't you take the 30 seconds to let her know that you were swamped and would text the next day?
> 
> The unfriending thing is weird though.


I see that. I could've done I suppose, but didn't feel it was necessary. Clearly she saw it differently. The unfriending...I guess I can see her point of view. I didn't get back to her, she senses I'm not interested, why keep my as a FB friend? Who knows...

She just texted back now "of course, no games. Unless it's spin the bottle and only the 2 of us playing".

Guess I'm still in there.


----------



## vi_bride04

Texting relationships suck, everything can be misconstrued in the worst way.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Texting relationships suck, everything can be misconstrued in the worst way.


Yeah it's weird. My ex wife was into it when it first came about - before smart phones. You can't talk on the phone as much as you text - it's just not possible. So what did people do before? More phone communication obviously, but less communication overall?

I don't remember!


----------



## Lone Shadow

You might not be able to spend as much time on the phone as you do texting, but the flow of conversation is much faster when speaking. So you cover more ground quicker than you would texting. 

I hate texting. I didn't even have it as an available service on my phone until this past November.


----------



## moxy

Healer said:


> She knew I was in for an all nighter and was doing a high intensity project...but I didn't say I wouldn't be available.



Just give her some space. You shouldn't have to be on-call or always available. You had a valid reason and were not playing games with her. You've been transparent about your intentions and actions. If she's got an issue with the lack of constant contact, or if she is afraid that you aren't into her, it's her issue. However, it might be nice to initiate texting more often or do something sweet next time you see her. The phone call is a good idea. Some people do flip out about this kind of thing, but others don't. You can't control how she feels.


----------



## TooNice

Healer-glad you're still in it. Texting can be tough sometimes! 

Aaaacccckk. So, my girlfriends and I have a standing trivia night thing every week. I thought we were short people this week, so I don't know why, but I texted boychic (thx, LS) and asked him if he does trivia and wanted to help. I fully expected him to say no thanks. I wasn't even sure what made me ask... I was so ready to move on.

And yep, wouldn't you know it? He came. Sat right by me, but no subtle little gestures all night. We walked out together, he gave me a nice hug...not lingering, but not short. Nice and solid. 

My divorce date did not come up in conversation, but I still think it may make a difference when that happens. Maybe. I may turn on the charm a little more then and see what happens. It just doesn't feel like the right thing to do yet. 

He's just so freaking nice! Aargh. Again, how can a 30 year old guy make me feel like such a dork? <smh>

By the way, LS...I love the pic. It's actually stated in my online dating profile that men who can quote that movie earn bonus points.


----------



## Healer

I kinda put myself out there and gave her a call a bit ago. No answer. So I just texted that I called and just wanted to chat in person, nothing important, just wanted to say hi. 

I'll just leave it there. Kinda weird for me to be honest...I'm so used to texting with women I date (and the ex). The prospect of talking on the phone was daunting at first...how crazy is that?


----------



## TooNice

Call me old fashioned, but I like talking on the phone. Something about listening to a man's voice... It can be very sexy.

Eta: not to mention where the conversation can turn. Also sexy...

I hope she calls you back.


----------



## moxy

I love phone calls. They're intimate. I do chat on the phone with my current whatever-he-is, sometimes. If I don't like a man's voice, it's hard for me to feel any connection to him, but if I like it, it works on me like a magic flute.


----------



## TooNice

moxy said:


> ...if I like it, it works on me like a magic flute.


Yes. Exactly.


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice said:


> Healer-glad you're still in it. Texting can be tough sometimes!
> 
> Aaaacccckk. So, my girlfriends and I have a standing trivia night thing every week. I thought we were short people this week, so I don't know why, but I texted boychic (thx, LS) and asked him if he does trivia and wanted to help. I fully expected him to say no thanks. I wasn't even sure what made me ask... I was so ready to move on.
> 
> And yep, wouldn't you know it? He came. Sat right by me, but no subtle little gestures all night. We walked out together, he gave me a nice hug...not lingering, but not short. Nice and solid.
> 
> My divorce date did not come up in conversation, but I still think it may make a difference when that happens. Maybe. I may turn on the charm a little more then and see what happens. It just doesn't feel like the right thing to do yet.
> 
> He's just so freaking nice! Aargh. Again, how can a 30 year old guy make me feel like such a dork? <smh>
> 
> By the way, LS...I love the pic. It's actually stated in my online dating profile that men who can quote that movie earn bonus points.


It's early and I'm on my phone. Refresh my memory please. What movie was it that I quoted from again? 

Oh, and you shouldn't refer to the person you're seeing as boychik. A boychik is a male child; he's not a 30y/o child, is he?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lone Shadow said:


> Poor Healer. It's been nice knowing you man, but it sounds like you've got a case of "the feels."





Healer said:


> Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! But I'm dead inside.



:rofl: 



Healer said:


> She knew I was in for an all nighter and was doing a high intensity project...but I didn't say I wouldn't be available.





Healer said:


> Yes I can see that stretch of a drop off might have put her off. She finally got back to my question "Did you think I was ignoring you?". She said "haha! I wasn't sure". So there you go. I replied "I wasn't, I promise. I was just under the gun. I would never ignore you on purpose. No games, K?".


Sounds like it's resolved now but yeah if I were her, I would have been put off, too. I am not a fan of when someone takes a jillion hours to get back to me. And yes, all these texting things can be misconstrued. You guys should play that game of spin the bottle! 

Dude I am seeing is off/on with communicato lately. I don't like that. The other day he said good morning and I told him I hoped he was having a good day and mentioned something about his previous day. Didn't write back to me for 12 hours, so late in the night with a sad emoji. I asked why he messaged me that sad face and he said he didn't. ? I said, yeah you did a few minutes ago... No response. Then the next day at about noon he apologizes saying he fell asleep. I was annoyed so I didn't respond til way at end of my day and he said he was sorry I'd had a bad day. I asked what he was doing... crickets. Then I made a joke about whether he was busying himself with "self" since many nights he sometimes he goes incommunicado (like doesn't respond to my last text or say goodnight or we will be texting and he just drops off) and he said he was working on a hobby project and to "give him a few." Well he never called or texted me. Wtf? Maybe he fell asleep but it doesn't take long to text someone and say "Hi, I am so tired-I am going to bed now." I am just getting really fckin annoyed. So am I needy or is this off?

I realize I am one of those people that likes a good amount of communication, based on my past experience with ex who could sometimes freeze me out and it would leave me feeling icky. There was a history of stonewalling that drove me out of my mind. I don't know if I am being paranoid but I am having reminders/feelings about my ex. And I don't know if it's because that part of my life has colored how I view things now or whether I have legitimate reason to be concerned. Ah, divorce.


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> It's early and I'm on my phone. Refresh my memory please. What movie was it that I quoted from again?
> 
> Oh, and you shouldn't refer to the person you're seeing as boychik. A boychik is a male child; he's not a 30y/o child, is he?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was referencing your pic/avatar, hun. Not a quote you made. That movie! 

As for my young friend, no, he's not a child, but he is a young man-still an appropriate use. I only used that in reference to a post where you brought up that term. If I were to actually start seeing him and end the confusion, I'd be happy to come up with something else. I'd be thrilled to have a need for that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jelly, you might be needy. Or it might be off.
(helpful, right?)

I work 8 hour shifts with a 4hr commute on average. My schedule rotates every week, and I work 2 weekends a month (12hr shifts). I can't have my phone in the building. So if someone texts me, it could easily be 12-14 hours before I get back to them on any given day, depending on when they text. Then again, when I get off work, I don't always check my phone. And the last thing I want to do when I get off work is start a text conversation.. I want to get my happy ass on the road, and get home. It's much easier to get in touch with me if you actually pick up the phone and call.


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice said:


> I was referencing your pic/avatar, hun. Not a quote you made. That movie!
> 
> As for my young friend, no, he's not a child, but he is a young man-still an appropriate use. I only used that in reference to a post where you brought up that term. If I were to actually start seeing him and end the confusion, I'd be happy to come up with something else. I'd be thrilled to have a need for that.


LMAO. What about the ROUS's?

Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist. <-- One of my favorite movies.

You could always call him sugarlumps. Us men like those cutesy pet names. :rofl:


----------



## TooNice

JB-I'm with you. I like a fair amount of contact, too, but I also understand that things come up. What you describe would get under my skin, though.


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> LMAO. What about the ROUS's?
> 
> Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist. <-- One of my favorite movies.
> 
> You could always call him sugarlumps. Us men like those cutesy pet names. :rofl:


Inconceivable!

:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

I do not think that word means what you think that word means.


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> I do not think that word means what you think that word means.


See...I knew you wouldn't disappoint.


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice said:


> See...I knew you wouldn't disappoint.


I've been known to disappoint on occasion, but I try not to make a habit of it.


----------



## Twistedheart

Jellybeans said:


> So am I needy or is this off?


I don't think so. It isn't hard to respond, very little effort. Common courtesy and respect seems to be lacking and that, to me, is the basis of any relationship.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Dude I am seeing is off/on with communicato lately. I don't like that. The other day he said good morning and I told him I hoped he was having a good day and mentioned something about his previous day. Didn't write back to me for 12 hours, so late in the night with a sad emoji. I asked why he messaged me that sad face and he said he didn't. ? I said, yeah you did a few minutes ago... No response. Then the next day at about noon he apologizes saying he fell asleep. I was annoyed so I didn't respond til way at end of my day and he said he was sorry I'd had a bad day. I asked what he was doing... crickets. Then I made a joke about whether he was busying himself with "self" since many nights he sometimes he goes incommunicado (like doesn't respond to my last text or say goodnight or we will be texting and he just drops off) and he said he was working on a hobby project and to "give him a few." Well he never called or texted me. Wtf? Maybe he fell asleep but it doesn't take long to text someone and say "Hi, I am so tired-I am going to bed now." I am just getting really fckin annoyed. So am I needy or is this off?


No, you are NOT being needy...this is jerky behavior. I think it is indicative of how he will treat you in the future. He does not consider you to be a priority.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> No, you are NOT being needy...this is jerky behavior. I think it is indicative of how he will treat you in the future. He does not consider you to be a priority.


:iagree:

If a man is into you, you'll know by his actions... if he's being wishy-washy, and you've found yourself wondering, WTF, is he into me or not? The answer is, he's not into you.

And as 3x said, it IS an indicator of how he'll treat you in the future: never as a priority.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Eh.

_...queue up the "nice guy"..._ I'm just not like other guys.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Eh.
> 
> _...queue up the "nice guy"..._ I'm just not like other guys.


Actions, not words


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like it's resolved now but yeah if I were her, I would have been put off, too. I am not a fan of when someone takes a jillion hours to get back to me. And yes, all these texting things can be misconstrued. You guys should play that game of spin the bottle!
> 
> Dude I am seeing is off/on with communicato lately. I don't like that. The other day he said good morning and I told him I hoped he was having a good day and mentioned something about his previous day. Didn't write back to me for 12 hours, so late in the night with a sad emoji. I asked why he messaged me that sad face and he said he didn't. ? I said, yeah you did a few minutes ago... No response. Then the next day at about noon he apologizes saying he fell asleep. I was annoyed so I didn't respond til way at end of my day and he said he was sorry I'd had a bad day. I asked what he was doing... crickets. Then I made a joke about whether he was busying himself with "self" since many nights he sometimes he goes incommunicado (like doesn't respond to my last text or say goodnight or we will be texting and he just drops off) and he said he was working on a hobby project and to "give him a few." Well he never called or texted me. Wtf? Maybe he fell asleep but it doesn't take long to text someone and say "Hi, I am so tired-I am going to bed now." I am just getting really fckin annoyed. So am I needy or is this off?
> 
> I realize I am one of those people that likes a good amount of communication, based on my past experience with ex who could sometimes freeze me out and it would leave me feeling icky. There was a history of stonewalling that drove me out of my mind. I don't know if I am being paranoid but I am having reminders/feelings about my ex. And I don't know if it's because that part of my life has colored how I view things now or whether I have legitimate reason to be concerned. Ah, divorce.


She never got back to me. I have a sneaking suspicion this is a "taste of my own medicine" kinda deal.

Your guy sounds like he's either playing stupid games or is just kinda ****ish. The other night when I didn't reply for a long time was a legit reason. Normally I wouldn't do that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> She never got back to me. I have a sneaking suspicion this is a "taste of my own medicine" kinda deal.
> 
> Your guy sounds like he's either playing stupid games or is just kinda ****ish. The other night when I didn't reply for a long time was a legit reason. Normally I wouldn't do that.


You may also wish to bear in mind that she may be suspicious that you're just going to up and disappear again, in favor of another woman.

She thought you had a connection before, and then you ditched her for Malta. She's going to be very wary of you now.

So you might have to try harder than you might normally.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Don't lie Healer. I accused you of having a case of "the feels" and now you're turning into a flake.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> You may also wish to bear in mind that she may be suspicious that you're just going to up and disappear again, in favor of another woman.
> 
> She thought you had a connection before, and then you ditched her for Malta. She's going to be very wary of you now.
> 
> So you might have to try harder than you might normally.


****.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Don't lie Healer. I accused you of having a case of "the feels" and now you're turning into a flake.


Huh? Lie about what? How am I being a flake?


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> ****.


Yup.

ETA: When a woman gives a man a second chance, she doesn't tell him this, but he's going to have to work twice as hard to earn it and keep her.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Yup.
> 
> ETA: When a woman gives a man a second chance, she doesn't tell him this, but he's going to have to work twice as hard to earn it and keep her.


Forget what I said earlier Healer. After reading this and Pink's other post, you fvcked up. You've got some makeup work to do this weekend.:rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Your guy sounds like he's either playing stupid games or is just kinda ****ish.


What was the censored word? I want to know!



Twistedheart said:


> I don't think so. It isn't hard to respond, very little effort. Common courtesy and respect seems to be lacking and that, to me, is the basis of any relationship.





3Xnocharm said:


> No, you are NOT being needy...this is jerky behavior.





FeministInPink said:


> if he's being wishy-washy, and you've found yourself wondering, WTF
> 
> And as 3x said, it IS an indicator of how he'll treat you in the future: never as a priority.


I am biased but I tend to agree with you guys. LOL. Thanks for responding, all, you too, TooNice.

Loneshadow - I hear you on the work but I tend to agree with the others here that it takes five seconds to say "I am going to sleep - will text ya tomorrow" instead of saying "give me a few" and not reaching out. It's the next day and I still haven't heard from his a$$.

Sometimes I really wonder WTF is the point of dating. It's all bullsh*t anyway. I am nearly always disappointed or have sh*tty timing.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> Sometimes I really wonder WTF is the point of dating. It's all bullsh*t anyway. I am nearly always disappointed or have sh*tty timing.


:iagree: You and me BOTH, sister!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I've only had text service enabled on my phone since November. Texting is not something I think about. I'll have messages sitting there for days sometimes before it dawns on me to check them. An actual call is a much more reliable way to get in touch with me. 

Besides, then you get to hear the liquid love that is the timbre of my voice.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I've only had text service enabled on my phone since November. Texting is not something I think about. I'll have messages sitting there for days sometimes before it dawns on me to check them. An actual call is a much more reliable way to get in touch with me.
> 
> Besides, then you get to hear the liquid love that is the timbre of my voice.


So, any woman trying to text you before then would have been waiting a VERY long time for a response, eh?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah, as in "never going to happen." 

If someone texted me prior to activating the service, the text would just vanish into nothing. They wouldn't even get a failed message.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> What was the censored word? I want to know!


D!ck.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Yup.
> 
> ETA: When a woman gives a man a second chance, she doesn't tell him this, but he's going to have to work twice as hard to earn it and keep her.


Wow. Maybe I bit off more than I can chew. Sounds like a lot of drama and I'm kinda in the dog house right off the get go. Maybe it's a sign - not meant to be.
And to be honest, I just don't chase. It's just not in me to do that. :-|


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> Wow. Maybe I bit off more than I can chew. Sounds like a lot of drama and I'm kinda in the dog house right off the get go. Maybe it's a sign - not meant to be.


Pfft. You're reading it the wrong way. She gave you a second chance = meant to be.:smthumbup:

Just avoid the drama. Standard sh!t test type stuff. No worries.


----------



## Healer

Just got a text. "Morning handsome...sorry I missed your call! I would've enjoyed talking to you voce a voce. Was playing cards with my neighbor and by then it was too late to call you back. How are you? I'm stoked to see you tomorrow (smiley)".


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Pfft. You're reading it the wrong way. She gave you a second chance = meant to be.:smthumbup:
> 
> Just avoid the drama. Standard sh!t test type stuff. No worries.


:iagree: -- sort of.

It's not about drama, or being in the doghouse from the get-go. It's about making it clear that you're into her, and that she's not just a runner-up.

But if you're not willing to put in the effort, maybe you're not really into her. What is a good woman worth to you, after the bullsh!t you've been through?

You weren't really willing to pick her up for your date last weekend, which would have put you maybe 20-30 mins out of your way. _You had to ask ALL OF US if you should pick her up._ If you really wanted her, you would have just picked her up, no questions asked.

I get the impression that your feelings towards her are lukewarm, and if I'm getting that impression, she probably is, too.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer, this song is for you!:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> D!ck.


:smthumbup:



Healer said:


> And to be honest, I just don't chase. It's just not in me to do that. :-|


You and me both, brother. 

I am the anti-chaser. Truly. I don't know if it's because I'm an Aquarius or because I can detach lightning fast sometimes , but yeah. I'm not built for that.

I kinda wanna tell the guy to fck off. 



Healer said:


> Just got a text. "Morning handsome...sorry I missed your call! I would've enjoyed talking to you voce a voce. Was playing cards with my neighbor and by then it was too late to call you back. How are you? I'm stoked to see you tomorrow (smiley)".


You're so in there!



FeministInPink said:


> It's about making it clear that you're into her, and that she's not just a runner-up.
> 
> But if you're not willing to put in the effort, maybe you're not really into her.


Well I agree with this.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'll chase, but only if she's waiving that red flag. I'm learning to keep a wary eye out for that _estoc_ though.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Just got a text. "Morning handsome...sorry I missed your call! I would've enjoyed talking to you voce a voce. Was playing cards with my neighbor and by then it was too late to call you back. How are you? I'm stoked to see you tomorrow (smiley)".


I think you're good. RELAX!!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> :iagree: -- sort of.
> 
> It's not about drama, or being in the doghouse from the get-go. It's about making it clear that you're into her, and that she's not just a runner-up.
> 
> But if you're not willing to put in the effort, maybe you're not really into her. What is a good woman worth to you, after the bullsh!t you've been through?
> 
> You weren't really willing to pick her up for your date last weekend, which would have put you maybe 20-30 mins out of your way. _You had to ask ALL OF US if you should pick her up._ If you really wanted her, you would have just picked her up, no questions asked.
> 
> I get the impression that your feelings towards her are lukewarm, and if I'm getting that impression, she probably is, too.


Not really...I was f*cked over so badly by my ex that, as I've said before, I kinda died inside when it comes to having feelings for women. I'm very, very guarded and there's a big wall around me. Admittedly the women I've dated over the past while didn't have a chance to get really close to me. But I'm trying to change that, and I think I'm ready to try a (gulp) relationship. So, I am somewhat damaged, but healing I think, and approaching this one differently. I felt genuinely bad that I made her feel bad yesterday, and me calling her was kind of a big deal for me - I don't usually make that kind of effort (I know - it's hardly an effort - but for me, it's significant). And I really am interested. I'm working on it - and on me. When I went to the therapist the other day and she said "you can't let your past relationship dictate your future ones", that hit home.

But I agree with all you said. I'm trying to open myself this time and be a little vulnerable. But I still have that "whatever" protective barrier up that causes me to be insensitive at times. I'm a work in progress. But I'm going to make an effort to be extra sweet and pay attention this time.


----------



## Healer

K, another dunderhead question for you guys. Going over to her place tomorrow night. Should I bring a box of chocolates or something? I already asked what she'd like to drink and she said just bring what I want to drink - she's got her stuff there already.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Depends. Are you having dinner at her house, or are you going over after dinner?


----------



## Jellybeans

Bring a bottle of wine 

Or chocolates and flowers.

And your smile.

Take one for the time, Healer!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Definitely bring the wine, but type depends on what you're having for dinner. Let us know and we can help ya out.


----------



## Healer

Going over after dinner - we're not dining together. Heading to hers for 8, going to a local pub for a couple then back to her's.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Find out what kind of wine she likes, and bring a bottle.

I'm learning that some women actually don't like chocolates, so that can be hit or miss.


----------



## FeministInPink

Flowers are always a nice touch. Personally, I wouldn't like to receive chocolates, but I don't like chocolate. 

You could bring dessert, if you have an idea of what she likes...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

He's bringing dessert already. Himself. :FIREdevil:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> He's bringing dessert already. Himself. :FIREdevil:


Then I would suggest some whipped cream in addition to the flowers 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

And maybe caramel sauce?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> And maybe caramel sauce?


Mmmmmm... YES!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

There ya go Healer. Flowers, whipped cream, caramel sauce, and yourself.


----------



## Jellybeans

And a smile.


----------



## Healer

Thanks guys, flowers it is.

I've never once bought flowers for any of the women I've dated. Never wanted to project what that construes. 

She just texted a rather sexual innuendo.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Stay away from tulips. And you should probably stay away from roses for another couple weeks. Get her some Orchids.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Stay away from tulips. And you should probably stay away from roses for another couple weeks. Get her some Orchids.


Ooh, orchids are an excellent choice! They last forever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Thanks guys, flowers it is.
> 
> I've never once bought flowers for any of the women I've dated. Never wanted to project what that construes.
> 
> She just texted a rather sexual innuendo.


What, exactly, do flowers construe? Most guys I've dated have brought me flowers at least omce, and I've always loved it. But I never read anything into it.

On a side note, for my birthday in 2009, my XH bought me an encyclopedia of roses, so he would never have to buy me flowers again. (His words, not me reading into it, he actually said that when I opened the gift.) I think that's when I knew the marriage was doomed. What kind of assh0le does that? And true to his word, he never bought me flowers again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> Stay away from tulips. And you should probably stay away from roses for another couple weeks. Get her some Orchids.


Really? My suggestion was going to be a single rose.  Oh and someone stole my wine idea, too, lol!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> What, exactly, do flowers construe?


For me, a gesture like that would signify some emotional vulnerability on my part. I know I know. I'm working on it.


----------



## Jellybeans

I like violets.

Flowers vary by the woman (preferences). I love receiving them. Some women hate them altogether.



Healer said:


> She just texted a rather sexual innuendo.


Bow-chick-a-bow-wow.

Have you guys had sex yet?


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> For me, a gesture like that would signify some emotional vulnerability on my part. I know I know. I'm working on it.


I totally agree with you Healer.

I love flowers, I love them, love them, love them.... I miss getting flowers. I havent received flowers since wow... since around February 2013. I am getting sick again, some co worker is infecting us all with the dreaded flu!! So naturally, I want to cry because of all the romantic talk 
Last night I went to the river with friends and well, had a bonfire, was cold, I went skinny dipping in the river and I think that did not help with avoiding getting the flu....


I miss receiving flowers...

EDIT: all this talk about flowers and now I am getting ad banners for ordering flowers!!


----------



## ne9907

River view at sunset. Isnt it amazing?


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, the flu SUCKS. Stay hydrated and warm. 

Don't skinny dip.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> I like violets.
> 
> Flowers vary by the woman (preferences). I love receiving them. Some women hate them altogether.
> 
> 
> 
> Bow-chick-a-bow-wow.
> 
> Have you guys had sex yet?


Nope. I'm hoping tomorrow's the night. But if not, that's OK too. This is the most amount of dates I've been on with no sex (tomorrow will be #5).


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Lone Shadow said:
> 
> 
> 
> Stay away from tulips. And you should probably stay away from roses for another couple weeks. Get her some Orchids.
> 
> 
> 
> Really? My suggestion was going to be a single rose.  Oh and someone stole my wine idea, too, lol!
Click to expand...

No tulips because they start to droop as soon as they're cut. That's not terribly ardor-inspiring, is it? 

And roses are cliche and have too many connotations of love and commitment.

And a single rose would make me feel like I was a contestant on The Bachelor! :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Nope. I'm hoping tomorrow's the night. But if not, that's OK too. This is the most amount of dates I've been on with no sex (tomorrow will be #5).


I take back what I said before about you being lukewarm. I think you really like her.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I take back what I said before about you being lukewarm. I think you really like her.


Are you saying that based on the flowers or based on the fact he hasn't slept with her yet? 

:rofl: about "the bachelor" comment.



Healer said:


> Nope. I'm hoping tomorrow's the night. But if not, that's OK too. This is the most amount of dates I've been on with no sex (tomorrow will be #5).


How is that making you feeeeeel? Tension building, yeah?


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Are you saying that based on the flowers or based on the fact he hasn't slept with her yet?
> 
> :rofl: about "the bachelor" comment.
> 
> 
> 
> How is that making you feeeeeel? Tension building, yeah?


The fact that he hasn't slept with her yet, and even if it doesn't happen tonight, he's OK with that, and implies that he would go out with her again.

You don't put that much time into someone you just want to mess around with. There are easier ways to get laid.

... ok, and maybe the flowers a little bit.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> How is that making you feeeeeel? Tension building, yeah?


Like I have to have a nervous pee.


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: High fives!


----------



## ne9907

Good luck on your date Healer!

I think GG is a very intelligent woman. I like her!


----------



## ne9907

haha... this is the reason why friendships with someone you like seldom work.

navy again, just now I received a text from him. Another sunrise picture and a question "how are things on the central coast?"

I suppose we are friends, but I want more, so therefore I should not reply and go NC. or I shall reply and be like "Live long and prosper foo!"

I doubt he would get the implications of such message.


----------



## vi_bride04

Team building!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> *haha... this is the reason why friendships with someone you like seldom work.
> *
> navy again, just now I received a text from him. Another sunrise picture and a question "how are things on the central coast?"
> 
> *I suppose we are friends, but I want more, so therefore I should not reply and go NC*. or I shall reply and be like "Live long and prosper fo!"
> 
> I doubt he would get the implications of such message.


Yeah, I am trying to do the same thing! The hopeful (read: stupid) part of me hopes that in being an awesome friend, I can influence him into wanting MORE again!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, I am trying to do the same thing! The hopeful (read: stupid) part of me hopes that in being an awesome friend, I can influence him into wanting MORE again!


yeah not me.
Well at least not today! He is dreamy but I am way dreamier!~


----------



## Fenix

You guys are funny.
Jelly, I agree with fip and 3X. You are not too needy.

Healer, seriously on the flowers?? Wow. How old are you? 

Tulips rock and are my favorite. Orchids are for old ladies. Roses are cliche.

Hmmm...what else...


----------



## Healer

Fenix said:


> You guys are funny.
> Jelly, I agree with fip and 3X. You are not too needy.
> 
> Healer, seriously on the flowers?? Wow. How old are you?
> 
> Tulips rock and are my favorite. Orchids are for old ladies. Roses are cliche.
> 
> Hmmm...what else...


Cause of the "emotional vulnerability" part?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer -- Red tulips symbolize perfect love. Everybody loves Orchids. They're not just for old ladies. Orchids also tend to last longer than other flowers.

Ne9907 -- Yes, you should go NC. Because in 3 days you're going to be mooning over navy again, and you need to stop that nonsense.

Ladies, being friend zoned by a guy is just as bad as a guy being friend zoned by a female. There is no escape, no matter how much you may long for otherwise.


----------



## TooNice

Healer, if a guy I was seeing showed up at my house with flowers, I would think it was super sweet. I wouldn't give a second thought to what kind they are. Walk into the floral dept and grab a seasonal bouquet that's pretty and colorful. It's that easy.


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice said:


> Healer, if a guy I was seeing showed up at my house with flowers, I would think it was super sweet. I wouldn't give a second thought to what kind they are. Walk into the floral dept and grab a seasonal bouquet that's pretty and colorful. It's that easy.


That works too.:smthumbup:


----------



## Healer

TooNice said:


> Healer, if a guy I was seeing showed up at my house with flowers, I would think it was super sweet. I wouldn't give a second thought to what kind they are. Walk into the floral dept and grab a seasonal bouquet that's pretty and colorful. It's that easy.


That sounds perfect.


----------



## TooNice

I can't figure out my young friend, but I CAN un-complicate the purchase of flowers. ;-)

Although, I do love the thought of having a man think that much about buying flowers for me one day!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I don't understand how you're having trouble figuring out a man. We're very simple creatures. The problem that most women have though, is that because they themselves are complicated, they tend to believe that men are just as complicated as they are. Women want to believe that there is some type of hidden agenda or deep rooted mythical meaning to everything a man does, but that's just not the case. We're not a box of chocolates. We're more like a box of crackers. You know exactly what you're getting when you pick it up off the shelf.


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> I don't understand how you're having trouble figuring out a man. We're very simple creatures. The problem that most women have though, is that because they themselves are complicated, they tend to believe that men are just as complicated as they are. Women want to believe that there is some type of hidden agenda or deep rooted mythical meaning to everything a man does, but that's just not the case. We're not a box of chocolates. We're more like a box of crackers. You know exactly what you're getting when you pick it up off the shelf.


Ha-but there are so many different kinds of crackers out there now! 

I hear you. I think I like this guy, that's what it is. Through my new dating experiences and rediscovery, etc., I've been able to shrug and say, "that was fun, but we didn't mesh. It's all good." This one is a friend, and I would be sad if I lost that. I had written him off romantically (again) and then when I saw him last night, it all came back. Maybe I could have pushed harder when we said goodnight, but I want to be able to tell him I'm single before I make a move. 

I thought it said a lot the last time I saw him... My son (18) was with me at an event this guy happened to be at. I introduced them and we talked for awhile. It was the only time my friend hasn't hugged me when saying hello and/or goodbye. Maybe I'm reading into that, but I felt like he was being respectful. 

My D will be final in three weeks. I'll see how he responds when I tell him it's done and take it from there.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Very true, there are many different types of crackers on the shelf. But look at it like this - 1 man = 1 box of crackers. You should still know what's in the box before you take it off the shelf.

Re: meeting your son-- Yes, he was being respectful. Respectful of your son. 

The rest of it -- Unfortunately, I think he's friend zoned you. And there's no escaping the friend zone. Ask any Nice Guy. 

If he was into you, but hopelessly shy, you would have been able to gauge his interest by his shyness. More shy = more interested. This doesn't seem to be the case from what you've been saying here.


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Healer -- Red tulips symbolize perfect love. Everybody loves Orchids. They're not just for old ladies. Orchids also tend to last longer than other flowers.
> 
> Ne9907 -- Yes, you should go NC. Because in 3 days you're going to be mooning over navy again, and you need to stop that nonsense.
> 
> Ladies, being friend zoned by a guy is just as bad as a guy being friend zoned by a female. There is no escape, no matter how much you may long for otherwise.


Lol you are funny Lone 😄

That navy b!tch is going to be eating off of my hand!!! Kidding. 
I didn't reply fyi and will not. 
IF he communicates again I will simply tell him that I will not be his friend bc I want more and it has been proven he cannot be reliable with his emotions. 

Say, where could I find a box of crackers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> I don't understand how you're having trouble figuring out a man. We're very simple creatures. The problem that most women have though, is that because they themselves are complicated, they tend to believe that men are just as complicated as they are. Women want to believe that there is some type of hidden agenda or deep rooted mythical meaning to everything a man does, but that's just not the case. We're not a box of chocolates. We're more like a box of crackers. You know exactly what you're getting when you pick it up off the shelf.


You've got some great similes my man.


----------



## Healer

I'm a buttery, delicious, golden Ritz. And none of that mini Ritz bull**** either. Full size, mutha****a.


----------



## hope4family

Drama with baby mama. Well we had our longest run of non incidents. 

She is angry at me, because I wont let her declare our son on taxes. Something that she had said I will always get because I was majority custodian and is angry with me that I couldn't afford it. 

To add insult to injury, it is 2 years post divorce, and she throws out what she makes per month, she doesn't make a dime more.

I am hurt. For many reasons, but the biggest reason is that I feel as if she is giving me control of her situation. (She has told me in the past that she has turned down better paying jobs because she likes seeing our son as much as she does.) 

The second biggest reason, is I actually do want her to find happiness. Why else would we divorce but to satisfy our own feelings to what we want out of life? If she is happy, our son should be happy too. 

I hope she "gives in" and takes a higher paying 9-5p.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> I'm a buttery, delicious, golden Ritz. And none of that mini Ritz bull**** either. Full size, mutha****a.


I'm a biscotti. I don't think anything more needs to be said about that. 

Ne-- is this progress we're seeing from you? o.0
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Fenix

Lone Shadow said:


> I don't understand how you're having trouble figuring out a man. We're very simple creatures. The problem that most women have though, is that because they themselves are complicated, they tend to believe that men are just as complicated as they are. Women want to believe that there is some type of hidden agenda or deep rooted mythical meaning to everything a man does, but that's just not the case. We're not a box of chocolates. We're more like a box of crackers. You know exactly what you're getting when you pick it up off the shelf.


smh. Nope. This is such a fallacy. Men are just as complicated as women. All you have to do is read RD's and Healer's thread to see that.


----------



## moxy

I think I'm swearing off crackers and other assorted carbs for a week. Cleaning up crumbs is causing me to grumble. 

Biscotti? Now, who could swear off of that? 

I'm in a weird space. I might want something more substantial and less casual, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. A few days of gym, spa, yoga, journaling, and nature sound really good right now.

Hope, that sounds rough. I wish you positive outcomes.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Something more substantial? Try soaking the biscotti in some coffee first.


----------



## Healer

Fenix said:


> smh. Nope. This is such a fallacy. Men are just as complicated as women. All you have to do is read RD's and Healer's thread to see that.


Lol. She's got us there.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lone Shadow said:


> I don't understand how you're having trouble figuring out a man. We're very simple creatures.


...Says a man.



ne9907 said:


> IF he communicates again I will simply tell him that I will not be his friend bc I want more and it has been proven he cannot be reliable with his emotions.


Ne, you broke it off with him right? So why all this back and forth? Keep him as a text friend, if you want, but realize it's not going anywhere. You need to busy your mind with other guys, go out, enjoy yourself, listen to good music.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne, you broke it off with him right? So why all this back and forth? Keep him as a text friend, if you want, but realize it's not going anywhere. You need to busy your mind with other guys, go out, enjoy yourself, listen to good music.


Yep
all this back and forth is because for about two weeks he would send me good morning messages, and we would talk about goofy stuff. He would also make plans like "oh we should go there" or "Lets go xxxx!" and since I do like him, well my mind goes fuzzy.

I am keeping busy, am currently seeing the new guy, busy at work, etc etc etc.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jelly, I'll have you know that _I am_ a very simple creature. 

I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Jelly, I'll have you know that _I am_ a very simple creature.
> 
> I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam


I think you might be more complicated than you would like to admit


----------



## Lone Shadow

Just because a woman tries to assign complicated "female logic" to a man's actions, to make said man seem more complicated than he is, doesn't make the man complicated.

It's not that I'm denying being complicated, it's that I genuinely don't believe myself to be so.


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> *I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam*


hmmmm
who are you again? that phrase is also navy's motto.... kinda.

(I know it is also Popeye's but..)


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Just because a woman tries to assign complicated "female logic" to a man's actions, to make said man seem more complicated than he is, doesn't make the man complicated.
> 
> It's not that I'm denying being complicated, it's that I genuinely don't believe myself to be so.


I don't doubt your genuine belief.

I don't think I'm very complicated, either, but I have a feeling that you would argue/disagree with me on that point.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Women are complicated by nature. That's why being finicky, constantly changing your mind about something, is called the female prerogative.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Women are complicated by nature. That's why being finicky, constantly changing your mind about something, is called the female prerogative.


You're generalizing and applying negative stereotypes. Being "complicated" does not necessarily mean being finicky, being indecisive, or whatever other negative traits you want to apply to all women as an automatic condition of our gender.

Has it ever occurred to you that the notion of "women are more complicated than men" just might be a patriarchal construct designed to maintain male dominance? Just because gendered thinking creates two different viewpoints doesn't mean that one is more right than the other. But for some reason, men like to assign words like "complicated" and "finicky" and "indecisive" and "crazy" to women whenever they don't like the things that we say, or the things that we do, or the things that we think, in an attempt to marginalize, disenfranchise, and ultimately control women. Simply because we have a different--and completely legitimate--point of view, and it might be right, and the man's might be wrong.


----------



## Healer

Uh oh.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> all this back and forth is because for about two weeks he would send me good morning messages, and we would talk about goofy stuff. He would also make plans like "oh we should go there" or "Lets go xxxx


No contact. Unless you can handle it. Which honestly you sound confused over so I wouldn't recommend staying so much in touch with him. Plus you said he's like 3 hours away. That is FAR. Long distance is lame. Long distance is even less good when it's someone you have cut things off with.

Ain't worth it, girl. Block him from your mind.


----------



## Jellybeans

<------ very horny today.

I feel like crawling up a wall. It's really bad.

I know some of you can relate when you have days like that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I think you might be more complicated than you would like to admit


OH PLEASE, men are every bit as complicated as they claim that WE are! They are moody, sensitive, territorial, emotional and total creatures of habit. They only THINK that they are simple!


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> You're generalizing and applying negative stereotypes. Being "complicated" does not necessarily mean being finicky, being indecisive, or whatever other negative traits you want to apply to all women as an automatic condition of our gender.
> 
> Has it ever occurred to you that the notion of "women are more complicated than men" just might be a patriarchal construct designed to maintain male dominance? Just because gendered thinking creates two different viewpoints doesn't mean that one is more right than the other. *But for some reason, men like to assign* words like "complicated" and "finicky" and "indecisive" and "crazy" to women whenever they don't like the things that we say, or the things that we do, or the things that we think, in an attempt to marginalize, disenfranchise, and ultimately control women. Simply because we have a different--and completely legitimate--point of view, and it might be right, and the man's might be wrong.


Hey now! I permit myself 1 sexist remark per day. I just used it before noon, that's all.


Bolded bit - Isn't this also a generalization? I have no interest in controlling a woman, or anyone for that matter. The underlying subject behind this recent bit of conversation has been centered around, and validating, different view points. 

Your (collective) achievements are yours, I'm not going to marginalize them, but I will challenge you to do better, just as I would expect to be challenged myself.

Disenfranchise.. Franchise... dammit, now I'm hungry.:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Of course, Healer hides in the corner, allowing me to open my mouth even wider so that I can insert my other foot. That's ok, my shoulders are broad enough, I can take it.




Healer -- thanks a lot buddy.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> <------ very horny today.
> 
> I feel like crawling up a wall. It's really bad.
> 
> I know some of you can relate when you have days like that.


:iagree:
I'm gon' drive someone up a wall this weekend.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> No contact. Unless you can handle it. Which honestly you sound confused over so I wouldn't recommend staying so much in touch with him. Plus you said he's like 3 hours away. That is FAR. Long distance is lame. Long distance is even less good when it's someone you have cut things off with.
> 
> Ain't worth it, girl. Block him from your mind.


I cannot handle contact. Sadly I broke NC this morning haha!! He is after all, just a friend 
I sent him a photo of the river. He said he loved it, I said the that was my favorite river spot. 
I have been going to the river a lot this winter, it is actually pretty fun! Bonfire, wine, looking at the stars, all in the company of good friends 



Jellybeans said:


> <------ very horny today.
> 
> I feel like crawling up a wall. It's really bad.
> 
> I know some of you can relate when you have days like that.


Me too!!! I am still fighting off the flu, not sure if I should risk infecting the new guy.... he wants to go to dinner tonight but I do not want to get him sick.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> <------ very horny today.
> 
> I feel like crawling up a wall. It's really bad.
> 
> I know some of you can relate when you have days like that.


YES! Pretty sure I am dying! LOL! But seriously, what I am in withdrawal over is just physical affection. I feel like my air is cut off having no kissing, no hugs, no cuddling...its like my life force is being drained, that's how strong my primary love language/emotional need is for physical affection.  This sucks.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Hey now! I permit myself 1 sexist remark per day. I just used it before noon, that's all.
> 
> 
> Bolded bit - Isn't this also a generalization? I have no interest in controlling a woman, or anyone for that matter. The underlying subject behind this recent bit of conversation has been centered around, and validating, different view points.
> 
> Your (collective) achievements are yours, I'm not going to marginalize them, but I will challenge you to do better, just as I would expect to be challenged myself.
> 
> Disenfranchise.. Franchise... dammit, now I'm hungry.:rofl:


That's all well and good, and I'm very happy that you have no intent to marginalize any woman's achievements... but by re-iterating the negative stereotypes, even if only once a day, contributes to the overall systemic oppression and marginalization.

Language, labels, and how we choose to use them, is so much more important than many people are able to understand. People think words are harmless... but they're not.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> Of course, Healer hides in the corner, allowing me to open my mouth even wider so that I can insert my other foot. That's ok, my shoulders are broad enough, I can take it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Healer -- thanks a lot buddy.


Lol. Anytime brother.


----------



## Healer

Speaking of horny...GG and I texted a lot last night and it got kinda deep. And hot. 

At one point she said "I think I scare you slightly". We chatted on that for a bit. Then I asked her if I scare her. She said no, "...it's more of an overall sense that I should be careful". I asked how, she said "Just that I need to take things slow". Then she typed "You're not really safe here alone with me tomorrow".


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Speaking of horny...GG and I texted a lot last night and it got kinda deep. And hot.
> 
> At one point she said "I think I scare you slightly". We chatted on that for a bit. Then I asked her if I scare her. She said no, "...it's more of an overall sense that I should be careful". I asked how, she said "Just that I need to take things slow". Then she typed "You're not really safe here alone with me tomorrow".


<----- JEALOUS!!! :moon:


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Speaking of horny...GG and I texted a lot last night and it got kinda deep. And hot.
> 
> Then she typed "You're not really safe here alone with me tomorrow".


:smthumbup:



3Xnocharm said:


> OH PLEASE, men are every bit as complicated as they claim that WE are! They are moody, sensitive, territorial, emotional and total creatures of habit. They only THINK that they are simple!


:iagree: Here's hoping you get laid soon, giiiiirl!



ne9907 said:


> Me too!!! I am still fighting off the flu, *not sure if I should risk infecting the new guy*.... he wants to go to dinner tonight but I do not want to get him sick.


:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm not horny. Got a great dose of hot sex last night.... Mmmmm MMMMMMM 

In a great mood today !


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Speaking of horny...GG and I texted a lot last night and it got kinda deep. And hot.
> 
> At one point she said "I think I scare you slightly". We chatted on that for a bit. Then I asked her if I scare her. She said no, "...it's more of an overall sense that I should be careful". I asked how, she said "Just that I need to take things slow". Then she typed "You're not really safe here alone with me tomorrow".


This made me giggle.
new guy texted something really hot yesterday. It was about my new dress, his floor, and underwear....

I was kinda speechless  but totally melted


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> That's all well and good, and I'm very happy that you have no intent to marginalize any woman's achievements... but by re-iterating the negative stereotypes, even if only once a day, contributes to the overall systemic oppression and marginalization.
> 
> Language, labels, and how we choose to use them, is so much more important than many people are able to understand. People think words are harmless... but they're not.


Those remarks aren't "use or lose" by the way. I think I'm going to save them up for about a month, then just have a field day.:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> OH PLEASE, men are every bit as complicated as they claim that WE are! They are moody, sensitive, territorial, emotional and total creatures of habit. They only THINK that they are simple!


Ha ha... these are generalizations, too. But I have seen these with a lot of men.

I think everything that we've been talking about, it's not just the male condition, or the female condition... it's just the human condition, and we're all complicated, just to varying degrees. I think MBTI is a better indicator of how complicated (or un-) any individual may or may not be.

I think it's more problematic and harmful when trying to apply generalizations according to gender.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Those remarks aren't "use or lose" by the way. I think I'm going to save them up for about a month, then just have a field day.:smthumbup:


I think that is an incredibly bad idea. SMH


----------



## Lone Shadow

That's OK. I'm famous for my bad ideas.

The whole argument about.... damn, I just realized it changed pages on me.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I think everything that we've been talking about, *it's not just the male condition, or the female condition... it's just the human condition, and we're all complicated,[\b] just to varying degrees. I think MBTI is a better indicator of how complicated (or un-) any individual may or may not be.
> 
> I think it's more problematic and harmful when trying to apply generalizations according to gender.*


*

I blame the media. On TV women are portrayed as crazy when they are emotional and men are portrayed as dim witted husband's who dont have a clue about anything.*


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> People think words are harmless... but they're not.


The premise of free speech. Just because it's free, doesn't mean that there aren't consequences.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> I blame the media. On TV women are portrayed as crazy when they are emotional and men are portrayed as dim witted husband's who dont have a clue about anything.


Yeah, I hate that commercial where the woman is away on whatever, and the husband is home with the kids. Video conference in the kitchen.. the only clean spot in the kitchen is the spot on the wall in the background on the screen. The rest of the house looks like a bomb went off. 

...found it. :banghead:


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I blame the media. On TV women are portrayed as crazy when they are emotional and men are portrayed as dim witted husband's who dont have a clue about anything.


Yes! While not the only source of this type of messaging, mass media (not just TV, but also music, magazines, advertizing, and, to a lesser extent, film) is one of the worst and most influential delivery systems and sources of validation for these skewed/false ideas about gendered behavior. And not just gendered stereotypes, but also other cultural/racial stereotypes. 

And our media indoctrination begins early, because we are exposed to it from such a young age. And so much of it is subliminal, as well... much of it is blatant, but much of it isn't. It's the non-blatant stuff that's the worst, because most people don't even realize that it's there, informing your opinions and views of the world.

:/


----------



## Lone Shadow

WOOOOHOOOOO! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!:toast:


I bring BB home tomorrow!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Yeah, I hate that commercial where the woman is away on whatever, and the husband is home with the kids. Video conference in the kitchen.. the only clean spot in the kitchen is the spot on the wall in the background on the screen. The rest of the house looks like a bomb went off.
> 
> ...found it. :banghead:


Yeah... commercials like this are infuriating, and they play into that bumbling father trope.

Which is, of course, why you posted it 

I don't know of any fathers who are even half this clueless. Even in nuclear families where the wife is a SAHM, I don't see the fathers being this clueless.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

To be fair, this thread has never published acceptable standards of communication in terms of being gender-neutral and nondiscriminatory/non-sexist. 

There are pros and cons to this.

The pro is that when one logs on to check on cyberfriends and to gain/give support, one is not subjected to unwanted content.

The con is that by censoring, you cannot tell what exactly you're dealing with.

But another pro is that by having acceptable standards, everyone who participates could gain by self-examination of beliefs underlying language. As well as beliefs underlying interpretation of language.

A second con is that humans detest any kind of change.


----------



## Healer

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> To be fair, this thread has never published acceptable standards of communication in terms of being gender-neutral and nondiscriminatory/non-sexist.
> 
> There are pros and cons to this.
> 
> The pro is that when one logs on to check on cyberfriends and to gain/give support, one is not subjected to unwanted content.
> 
> The con is that by censoring, you cannot tell what exactly you're dealing with.
> 
> But another pro is that by having acceptable standards, everyone who participates could gain by self-examination of beliefs underlying language. As well as beliefs underlying interpretation of language.
> 
> A second con is that humans detest any kind of change.


I feel this entire forum is already pretty damn heavy handed in terms of censorship/bannings. Not being able to type ****, for example. I mean come on.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I feel this entire forum is already pretty damn heavy handed in terms of censorship/bannings. Not being able to type ****, for example. I mean come on.


And I don't think anyone was truly offended by the exchanges today. We had some lively back-and-forth, but I don't think there was any personal attacking going on...


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> And I don't think anyone was truly offended by the exchanges today. We had some lively back-and-forth, but I don't think there was any personal attacking going on...


Spoken like a true woman. Kidding, kidding!


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Spoken like a true woman. Kidding, kidding!


Ha ha ha! Yeah, I don't think you want me going after you, do you? 

And yes, spoken like a true woman: completely reasonable.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha! Yeah, I don't think you want me going after you, do you?
> 
> And yes, spoken like a true woman: completely reasonable.


Of course, because ALLLL women are completely reasonable!  KIDDING!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Of course, because ALLLL women are completely reasonable!  KIDDING!


:rofl:

OK, perhaps then I should re-phrase...

Spoken like a true FeministInPink: completely reasonable.


----------



## bravenewworld

Jellybeans said:


> <------ very horny today.
> 
> I feel like crawling up a wall. It's really bad.
> 
> I know some of you can relate when you have days like that.


::raises hand::

Which is how I wound up hooking up with Swedish chef 3x in one week even though I KNOW better.....

Which is also how I wound up seeing he liked some other girls pics on instagram and became a little jealous.....

Which is when I realized that I want all the toys in the box to myself, even when I'm not playing with them......

I like the idea of "no strings attached" but the problem is I feel like there's always a few very thin clear fishing lines I can't see..... 

Oh well. At least the sex was great!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well now that that's been defused, and we've established that Healer won't provide backup, I think it's time to move the conversation back into the realm of sexyfuntimes.

:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> And I don't think anyone was truly offended by the exchanges today. We had some lively back-and-forth, but I don't think there was any personal attacking going on...


Totally agree with this. I feel it was a good food for thought discussion.

I almost wonder if some of the stereotypes of women now a days are contributing to how some men are just downright aggressive and abusive when it comes to dating. Getting called a b!tch/slvt just for not being interested, for example. Like it's somehow a b!tchy thing to say no or put up boundaries...


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> Totally agree with this. I feel it was a good food for thought discussion.
> 
> I almost wonder if some of the stereotypes of women now a days are contributing to how some men are just downright aggressive and abusive when it comes to dating. Getting called a b!tch/slvt just for not being interested, for example. Like it's somehow a b!tchy thing to say no or put up boundaries...


:iagree:


But then, what about the stereotypes of men? 

In April of 2002, I was on the street. In October of 2010, I was married, had a child, and bought a house. But that had absolutely nothing to do with my desire, nor my drive, to change my situation. I owe everything I have to my "white male privilege.":rofl:

Of course I can do that. I can do anything I want. Why, you ask? Because I'm free, white, and over 21.:smthumbup::rofl:

:banghead:


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> I think it's time to move the conversation back into the realm of sexyfuntimes.
> 
> :smthumbup:


I'm still buzzing from my romp last night. Talk about sexyfuntimes 

It's the type of sex I want in any future serious relationship. I will not settle. Nope. I did in my marriage... Never again. 

If I'm going to commit to someone they better know how to take control in the bedroom! 

This experience (post divorce life) is really showing me how much I compromised myself. Not only in my marriage but with people I've been involved with since my divorce.

I'm done doing that crap.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Anyway. Back on the subject of sexyfuntimes. 

3somes. 

If I really wanted to disappoint 2 people at once, I would just have dinner with my parents. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Something more substantial? Try soaking the biscotti in some coffee first.



Hmm. I don't know what the coffee would be in this extended metaphor, but given that I do love both a good coffee and a naughty biscotti, I'm sure it's something appealing. 😉


----------



## Lone Shadow

I wasn't actually trying to extend the metaphor. I just had coffee on the brain.


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> I wasn't actually trying to extend the metaphor. I just had coffee on the brain.



lol. Okay. Yay coffee!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

So VI, is there any reason this guy couldn't be a serious relationship? It's obvious he has the bedroom thing down..


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Question for the team here: Is it unethical to try to date someone who works (paid) for a non-profit when you are a (non-paid) board member of said non-profit? This is a small local affiliate we're talking about. I met this girl at a birthday party that my D8 went to, and got to talking about volunteering. She said she really wanted to get a job at a non-profit, and lo and behold we happened to have a position open that we'd been trying to fill for a while. I got her in touch with our director and she got the job! I made sure they didn't take my word as a recommendation, and they put her in the applicant pool like everyone else. She happened to be the best fit and got the job. *board members do not interview candidates and have no say in who gets hired.

But I really want to get to know her better.. Soo.... Would it be unethical to date her? If we hit it off and I make it known to the director, would there still be a conflict of interest?


----------



## Lone Shadow

TheGoodGuy said:


> Question for the team here: Is it unethical to try to date someone who works (paid) for a non-profit when you are a (non-paid) board member of said non-profit? This is a small local affiliate we're talking about. I met this girl at a birthday party that my D8 went to, and got to talking about volunteering. She said she really wanted to get a job at a non-profit, and lo and behold we happened to have a position open that we'd been trying to fill for a while. I got her in touch with our director and she got the job! I made sure they didn't take my word as a recommendation, and they put her in the applicant pool like everyone else. She happened to be the best fit and got the job. *board members do not interview candidates and have no say in who gets hired.
> 
> But I really want to get to know her better.. Soo.... Would it be unethical to date her? If we hit it off and I make it known to the director, would there still be a conflict of interest?


TGG, I hate to say this, but this has bad juju written all over it. It would have little to no affect on you, but she could potentially lose her job. If you seriously want to pursue this girl, you should talk to the director about your intent. If not the director, you should speak with someone from HR. My company has people who deal specifically with ethical matters. If your NP has something like that, you may want to talk to them as well. You should be able to do all of this anonymously. Even if you can't do this anonymously, you still don't have to mention _who_ she is.


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm... folks, if you had a choice, which would you prefer to live in?

1) Property in the middle of nowhere
2) Property in the heart of the city
3) Property along the beach/coast
4) Property along the river with your own backyard port


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... folks, if you had a choice, which would you prefer to live in?
> 
> 1) Property in the middle of nowhere
> 2) Property in the heart of the city
> 3) Property along the beach/coast
> 4) Property along the river with your own backyard port


Beachfront. No question about it. The longer I spend away from the ocean, the more of an angry bastage I become.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

Morning guys!
I had a good date with new guy. We went to a sushi place, food was delish. 
So here is something, normally whenever I go out men look at me, normal reaction. 
Last night when we were leaving the restaurant, apparently all men were looking at me, I no longer pay attention to this. 
New guy said "wow... Look at that, they are all looking at you probably asking what you are doing with me"

Does that sound weird. I thought it did
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

ne9907 said:


> Morning guys!
> 
> I had a good date with new guy. We went to a sushi place, food was delish.
> 
> So here is something, normally whenever I go out men look at me, normal reaction.
> 
> Last night when we were leaving the restaurant, apparently all men were looking at me, I no longer pay attention to this.
> 
> New guy said "wow... Look at that, they are all looking at you probably asking what you are doing with me"
> 
> 
> 
> Does that sound weird. I thought it did
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's cute. Maybe he feels pleased to have you on his arm. If so, it's a sign of interest on his part. Give this guy a real try.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... folks, if you had a choice, which would you prefer to live in?
> 
> 1) Property in the middle of nowhere
> 2) Property in the heart of the city
> 3) Property along the beach/coast
> 4) Property along the river with your own backyard port



City or beach. I'd like to live near a river, but not along it (flooding? Yuck). I know what the middle of nowhere is like and I'm not a fan of the middle of nowhere in TX.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... folks, if you had a choice, which would you prefer to live in?
> 
> 1) Property in the middle of nowhere
> 2) Property in the heart of the city
> 3) Property along the beach/coast
> 4) Property along the river with your own backyard port


Beach/coast, no question. I love the sound and the smell of the ocean.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> New guy said "wow... Look at that, they are all looking at you probably asking what you are doing with me"
> 
> Does that sound weird. I thought it did
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it sounds like an insecure remark, as in he doesn't have a lot of inner self confidence. 

He should be thinking he is awesome enough to be with you, not that he is beneath you in some fashion.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I think it sounds like an insecure remark, as in he doesn't have a lot of inner self confidence.
> 
> He should be thinking he is awesome enough to be with you, not that he is beneath you in some fashion.


:iagree: 

First thought that popped into my head, too. And insecure usually means needy/clingy.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Morning guys!
> I had a good date with new guy. We went to a sushi place, food was delish.
> So here is something, normally whenever I go out men look at me, normal reaction.
> Last night when we were leaving the restaurant, apparently all men were looking at me, I no longer pay attention to this.
> New guy said "wow... Look at that, they are all looking at you probably asking what you are doing with me"
> 
> Does that sound weird. I thought it did
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Awkward.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> I think it sounds like an insecure remark, as in he doesn't have a lot of inner self confidence.
> 
> He should be thinking he is awesome enough to be with you, not that he is beneath you in some fashion.


that's exactly what I thought!

I like and enjoy his company, but he says things like
"you are embarrassed of me, I am just kidding!"

Last night, he was joking that he had a good conversation with my brother about me, I freaked out! 
I do not want my family to meet him. I told him as much. I am not ready for him to meet my family, I can barely stand my family!!

I have known him for about 8 months, dating on and off since then. We weren't intimate until two weeks ago. 

Guess what dumb thing I did last night while having sex? I called him by navys name.....

I wasn't very noticeable because Navys name is similar to what one would say during sex.... Gosh. I did feel bad, he didn't say anything at all. No chance in pace, nothing. 

I am going to give us a chance. Another reason I do not want him to meet some of my family members yet, is because I feel he is pressuring me into accepting a full blown relationship with him and I do not want that! I told him that. Next time I see him, I will talk with him about it. The sex is really good.

EDIT: perhaps I am reading too much into his behavior, as he is sort of a FB *****, always liking people's status, checking into places, and commenting in status. Ugh... not my cup of tea, but we are all different. 
It does not bother me that he has a lot of female friends on FB btw, it bothered me when one of them posted something flirty on his wall, but I was satisfied with his answer. I don't care much to post **** on FB btw.


----------



## Another Planet

Oh Ne...break it off with him. You called him by Navys name...you now made him soooo insecure long term, he won't forget even if he says he does. Why would you do that anyway? Thought you were over him? Last I knew he was a married man? You still doing the self destructive behavior stuff? It's a choice to stop Ne, it took you guys to slap me in the face to realize wtf I was doing and it took me to admit I was being self destructive in messing around with married or involved women, or toxic women period.


----------



## Lone Shadow

And here we are.....


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> Oh Ne...break it off with him. You called him by Navys name...you now made him soooo insecure long term, he won't forget even if he says he does. Why would you do that anyway? Thought you were over him? Last I knew he was a married man? You still doing the self destructive behavior stuff? It's a choice to stop Ne, it took you guys to slap me in the face to realize wtf I was doing and it took me to admit I was being self destructive in messing around with married or involved women, or toxic women period.


you are thinking about blue. Navy is divorced, at the moment I am over him, but that changes. I am a toxic woman, hence not ready for him to meet my family or to engage in something serious with him.

I definitely need to evaluate his emotions, he says he can handle it. He is 40 years old. I am making too much of everything, because I do like him and do not want to hurt his feelings. I have been honest with him.

EDIT: Of course I did not wan to blurt out navys name! I do even know why I did it!! I have never done it before!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lone Shadow said:


> And here we are.....


Hooray for your new acquisition! Although I have to admit, I was admiring your snow-free background more than the bike.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Hooray for your new acquisition! Although I have to admit, I was admiring your snow-free background more than the bike.


Don't admire too hard, it was 33 degrees in that pic with snow on the way tomorrow.


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm, beachhouse eh? Been looking at future real estate if I ever settle down again, along the beach would expect to pay around 3-6+ mil while a house by the river would be 1-2+. 3+ with river access for a boat. Would you pay an extra 3 mil for the beach or settle with a river?


----------



## Lone Shadow

If I had the $ to be looking to buy beachfront, beachfront is what I would buy.


----------



## RandomDude

Argh... well, no wonder the price spikes so high with beachfront properties lol - people will pay!

*grumbles to myself*


----------



## Fenix

Lone Shadow said:


> Just because a woman tries to assign complicated "female logic" to a man's actions, to make said man seem more complicated than he is, doesn't make the man complicated.
> 
> It's not that I'm denying being complicated, it's that I genuinely don't believe myself to be so.


Oh god, you sound like my ex. He used to say that all of the time. Trouble was I discovered that my logic was completely right and he was using that to gaslight me.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm sorry to hear that Fenix.

There hasn't been a woman around the house for almost a year and a half. I learned that with no one else that I could rely on to be right, I had to take on that responsibility myself. Holy hell! Think of the nightmare I would be struggling with if I hadn't, and one of my children decided to do it instead.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:


----------



## Ynot

Lone Shadow, nice bike. I am looking to get one when the weather warms up myself. Since I don't have my ex around to nix my dream, I might as well go for it now.


----------



## moxy

Anyone having a SuperBowl party today? I'm attending one. It will be a first. 🙀


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> Anyone having a SuperBowl party today? I'm attending one. It will be a first. 🙀



The questions are:

what are you bringing? 

What colors or team will you represent?

Are there hard core fans or is everyone a casual observer?

If there are some hard core fans, it is time to learn some football terminology.

If the majority of party goers are male, do not show up with a fruit or vegetable platter. Wine? No. Beer? Definite. Hard alcohol? Depends whether "they" are patriots fans or Seahawks fans. 

Moxy the pressure is on 

I kid of course. Enjoy. As for me... I enjoy football, but believe it or not, I will be at my cousins farm doing some work. We will probably come in from time to time to check on the score, but no party. I prefer to watch my youngest son when he plays, my favorite team.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ynot said:


> Lone Shadow, nice bike. I am looking to get one when the weather warms up myself. Since I don't have my ex around to nix my dream, I might as well go for it now.


Absolutely. Follow the dream.:smthumbup:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno




----------



## vi_bride04

Making Mexican food and packing for my mini me-cation. Life is good.


----------



## Ikaika

Moxy 

Show your expertise: 

Patriots are able to contain Wilson within the pocket. Seattle needs to pull Lynch to the right slot, allow Wilson to move out of the pocket and allow Lynch to be the third option.


----------



## TooNice

I'm still reeling from the Packer loss. I'm quite apathetic about today's game.


----------



## Another Planet

moxy said:


> Anyone having a SuperBowl party today? I'm attending one. It will be a first. 🙀


Working all day...I'll try to take some pics for you without snow in the morning


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Working all day...I'll try to take some pics for you without snow in the morning


The Ravens weren't playing, so I stayed home and did work instead


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah, my Giants failed miserably. I'm pulling for the Water Chickens, just because they're not the Pats.


----------



## RandomDude

Fk me dead... it's official, where I live, compared to other cities, land/house prices are FIVE to TEN times what they should be. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere like the first house I bought for ex/daughter (and lost thanks to divorce)

It's impossible! To hell with GF's dreams of living on the beach. No way am I forking out the millions - unless it's going to make me more money instead of being a financial dead weight. Meh, maybe she should find a billionaire and seduce him instead.

Nice of her to make me feel inadequate, reminds me of the whole "financial stability" first priority she has with her standards. The hell is wrong with me getting involved with such a woman? *sigh*
Alright, maybe it's not a good idea to discuss spending money with her if our relationship is going to get past the first year.


----------



## Fenix

RandomDude said:


> Fk me dead... it's official, where I live, compared to other cities, land/house prices are FIVE to TEN times what they should be. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere like the first house I bought for ex/daughter (and lost thanks to divorce)
> 
> It's impossible! To hell with GF's dreams of living on the beach. No way am I forking out the millions - unless it's going to make me more money instead of being a financial dead weight. Meh, maybe she should find a billionaire and seduce him instead.
> 
> Nice of her to make me feel inadequate, reminds me of the whole "financial stability" first priority she has with her standards. The hell is wrong with me getting involved with such a woman? *sigh*
> Alright, maybe it's not a good idea to discuss spending money with her if our relationship is going to get past the first year.


Hold on! Wait a minute! This is nuts. Dreams are dreams...nice fantasies that may not coincide with reality. If you asked her like you asked us...in a blue sky moment, then you cannot judge her on her answer. Personally, I would love to live on the beach. BUT, I also think that it is dumb to spend 5X more to live there. 

Also, *make YOU* feel inadequate? Stop that! You are being nuts here too. Why do you have so much of you self worth (no pun intended) tied up in your net worth?


----------



## RandomDude

Because she's made it blatantly clear it's part of why she was attracted to me in the first place, "financial stability" and all. Hence it's triggered me. She doesn't know I'm upset, thanks to my poker face, not going to discuss it with her either, will probably make her fear being so transparent with me in the future.

Meh, it's just a persistent red flag (for me) that I've been trying to ignore. I don't understand women like her - at all. I don't know what to expect from her, I've avoided women like her all my life (out of paranoia) and only now I've given one a chance. It doesn't help that I've emotionally invested and a part of me still wants to impress.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Because she's made it blatantly clear it's part of why she was attracted to me in the first place, "financial stability" and all. Hence it's triggered me. She doesn't know I'm upset, thanks to my poker face, not going to discuss it with her either, will probably make her fear being so transparent with me in the future.
> 
> Meh, it's just a persistent red flag (for me) that I've been trying to ignore. I don't understand women like her - at all. I don't know what to expect from her, I've avoided women like her all my life (out of paranoia) and only now I've given one a chance. It doesn't help that I've emotionally invested and a part of me still wants to impress.


Just because "financial stability" is important to her, does not mean that she is with you for your money! Financial stability means that you hold a job, and take care of your responsibilities, and that is important to ANY partner! Did she just randomly come out and TELL you that she expects you provide her with a home on the beach? Or did you just post a hypothetical to her and she gave you an answer? Its too soon in your relationship to be discussing a home together either way, but I feel like you are jumping to conclusions about her, and being pretty unfair.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Last night when we were leaving the restaurant, apparently all men were looking at me, I no longer pay attention to this.
> New guy said "wow... Look at that, they are all looking at you probably asking what you are doing with me"


Devil's advocate here: maybe he meant you are so stellar, girl that even he is amazed he's out with you. He feels honored that you chose him for a date.



TheGoodGuy said:


> Question for the team here: Is it unethical to try to date someone who works (paid) for a non-profit when you are a (non-paid) board member of said non-profit?
> 
> But I really want to get to know her better.. Soo.... Would it be unethical to date her? If we hit it off and I make it known to the director, would there still be a conflict of interest?


I probably wouldn't. But I am a stickler for work/pleasure being a no-no.

I am sad the Seahawks lost. Not sure why they didn't run the ball. Crazytown.

I had some pretty delicious sexy time this weekend. One guy I am seeing wants to make it "official" but I feel weird about it.


----------



## RandomDude

I know, hence I'm not outright saying it to her face.

I'll get over it. It's not really her problem. It's just a massive shift from two different women and I'm trying to adapt to the change after having lived with one for years. Like - with ex, she couldn't give two sh-ts - so impressing the former (ex) I'm familiar with, impressing the latter (gf) - I don't know.

Like, I never felt the fear of losing my ex along with a financial disaster, however I have this fear with my girlfriend. Perhaps it's just a trust thing, and unlike ex I just haven't given GF enough time. Bah! Nevermind...


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> which would you prefer to live in?
> 
> 1) Property in the middle of nowhere
> 2) Property in the heart of the city
> 3) Property along the beach/coast
> 4) Property along the river with your own backyard port


City or Beach



ne9907 said:


> Guess what dumb thing I did last night while having sex? I called him by navys name.....


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Guess what dumb thing I did last night while having sex? I called him by navys name.....
> 
> I wasn't very noticeable because Navys name is similar to what one would say during sex.... Gosh. I did feel bad, he didn't say anything at all. No chance in pace, nothing.


Hmmm... if that was to happen to me... for me, if I was emotionally invested I would back away quietly, no need to make a scene, but the damage would be done. If I wasn't emotionally invested though I'd keep ramming. 

Seems like he's the latter (my opinion though), which is good/bad depending on what you want.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RD, I dunno what to tell you. Financial stability is as was said above: just your ability to hold a job and pay your bills on time. Now if she actually does expect you to support her, that's a no-no, unless it turns out to be what you both want further down the road.

ie: Wife, kids, house - SAHM, with you being the sole breadwinner. 

I'm financially stable, but not necessarily financially responsible. My bills stay paid on time, food stays on the table, and clothes stay on my kids' backs, but the rest of it? I tend to play a little fast and loose with what's left over. 

I need to stop doing that, and put some money into savings for my rainy day fund. I know I need to do this. It's just very difficult to play slow and tight instead of the fast and loose that I have been for years.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Jellybeans said:


> I probably wouldn't. But I am a stickler for work/pleasure being a no-no.


To be clear, she works there. I am only there once a month or so for our board meetings. I have a full time job elsewhere. But I see everyone's point.



Jellybeans said:


> I am sad the Seahawks lost. Not sure why they didn't run the ball. Crazytown.


 Right???


----------



## TooNice

To throw my two cents into the ring, I think "financial stability" means different things to different people. For some, it may mean that one person does not have to work or you can buy a big house on the beach or more "stuff". For others, it may mean a regular schedule of paying bills and carefully tucking money away for the future. For me, my ex was obsessed with money and debt, and the biggest relief for me in living on my own has been letting go of that. I'm careful, but I know that my definition of financial stability simply means not having to stress about money, and making those decisions together. 

I hope you can figure out together what it means to her!


----------



## RandomDude

Not all women hold the same definition of the term, hence my worry. Besides her standards are much higher than "has job, pays bills" lol, much higher. Still she does hold herself to a similar standard, and has always been give/take with me - which is the one big reason I've been playing ball.

However I like to keep my bases covered, if disaster strikes and all my assets are seized and liquidated - will she be there for me? At this point of time, if disaster strikes I would break it off because at that point I would feel I'm not what she's looking for. 

It's in huge contrast to my ex who was never impressed with financial capability. As she was there before I even established myself I had no fear of losing her if financial disaster strikes. I wish I can have the same assurance that I got from ex - but from my gf instead - but I don't.

I shouldn't be comparing but... meh, can't help the thoughts in my head sometimes. Regardless it's probably all in my head. Think for once I should just let go and give her the benefit of the doubt. She's just the type I would have normally avoided if we didn't go the FWB route to the point I actually got to know her as a person.

Meh I dunno...


----------



## ne9907

I too, am sad the Seahawks lost 


Saturday night I freaked out big time with the new guy. He works for the railroad, so he works late hours. I went to his place on saturday and was waiting for him to get home, I was watching tv and I freaked out totally. I began thinking "what am I doing here?"
"Why am I acting like I am in a relationship with this guy?"
"Why am I waiting for him to get home?"
"What the hell is wrong with me?"

I felt so anxious and panicky that I just left. I called and left him a message. Maybe I made a big deal out of nothing, but I am getting too anxious sometimes with him....

EDIT: He acted a bit distant sunday, he even said I was being not very nice... I was in a crabby mood. It reflected. Things are fine now, but I am afraid that if he keeps pushing for something serious I will end things with him.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Not all women hold the same definition of the term, hence my worry. Besides her standards are much higher than "has job, pays bills" lol, much higher. Still she does hold herself to a similar standard, and has always been give/take with me - which is the one big reason I've been playing ball.
> 
> *However I like to keep my bases covered, if disaster strikes and all my assets are seized and liquidated - will she be there for me? At this point of time, if disaster strikes I would break it off because at that point I would feel I'm not what she's looking for. *
> 
> It's in huge contrast to my ex who was never impressed with financial capability. As she was there before I even established myself I had no fear of losing her if financial disaster strikes. I wish I can have the same assurance that I got from ex - but from my gf instead - but I don't.
> 
> I shouldn't be comparing but... meh, can't help the thoughts in my head sometimes. Regardless it's probably all in my head. Think for once I should just let go and give her the benefit of the doubt. She's just the type I would have normally avoided if we didn't go the FWB route to the point I actually got to know her as a person.
> 
> Meh I dunno...


RD, if you're so concerned about her potentially bailing on you in this type of situation--and it's clearly causing you a lot of anxiety--why don't you just ASK HER?

It sounds to me like you're jumping to a lot of conclusions without making sufficient inquiries to make a fully informed assessment of the situation. Just be honest with her about your concerns, and talk about potential scenarios for the future, and see what she says.

And... being in a relationship with another person always means that you runs a risk of being abandoned and having your heart broken. At some point, you have to be able to say, "OK, I know this person well enough that I think I can trust them not to bail on me. I might be wrong, but the value of this relationship is great enough to me that I'm willing to take that risk."

You can play it safe and choose never to take such a risk, but that means that your relationship with GF will never move past a certain point, and that's a guarantee that you and she will eventually break up. And all the walls that you put up aren't going to prevent you from being hurt in that situation, either. So ultimately, even choosing the "safe, no-risk" path is still going to get you hurt, too.

It also sounds to me like you are so scared of being hurt again that it's stopping you from making any progress or taking any steps forward.

Because, honestly--if this was all about the money, you have legal ways to safeguard your assets when/if you're ever to get married again. Your money/assets aren't in any danger if you're just dating someone.

I don't think this is really about the money, RD. Rich men date women knowing those women are gold-diggers ALL the time, and they don't give a sh!t. What you're really scared of is being abandoned and hurt by someone you love and trust, and that's something that you simply can't protect yourself from. If you choose wisely, it won't happen, but you never really know for sure (if you've chosen wisely) until you're both old and decrepit and on your deathbeds. The best you can do is take an educated risk, and hope for the best.


----------



## RandomDude

She'll just continue to pour honey in my ears, I doubt she'll outright say "oh yeah, if you go bankrupt I'm leaving" lol

You're correct in that it's not about the money, I fear investing myself emotionally to someone who only invested herself for the sake of money, as I've seen so many instances of, including in my family.

As you said, sure, I can protect my assets, but I can't protect the years invested in an illusion that I was with someone that actually gives a sh-t about who I am and not what I'm packing. If it is an illusion. Meh I dunno, she's been great so far (also why I'm not discussing this with her, rather vent about on a forum)


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, how much do you know about her past relationships, and how finance affected/informed her previous relationships? You can tell a lot about a person based on past behavior, and whether they continue those patterns, or if they make changes.

And past experiences can be a good basis for understanding someone else's present-day motives, drives, actions and overall behavior. That's why, when we're involved with someone, we tell them stories about our past. It's our way of saying--either consciously or subconsciously--"This is who I am, and why I am the way that I am," in the hopes that the other person will understand us on something more than a superficial level.


----------



## vi_bride04

Just ask her RD, geeezus quit being a worry wart about it all, man up and be upfront with her. 

You are just stressing yourself out for no reason by making all those assumptions!


----------



## Lone Shadow

RD, you're stressing over this too much. On top of that though, you're coming across as insecure to us (or at least to me). You need to put a lid on that sh!t before you start coming across that way to _her._ 

Get over your fear of the feels. Accept them for what they are, and make sure you chase away the ninja onion cutters.


----------



## moxy

I have a new crush on someone I met online months ago, who has always flirted with me, but who was only brought into focus today in my mind because I discovered that he shares an obscure passion that I have devoted my life to in a way that few can fully and insanely understand. He said a couple of things. They were my undoing. I'm now smitten with his mind and so very afraid that he will think I am dumb. I'm giddy with the reminder of all the joy that my obsession brings me, and even if the guy thinks I'm off my head, I'm in a good mood because I remembered myself and realized that maybe I might meet someone with whom I am intellectually and emotionally in sync and won't have to remain tethered to the body. Don't get me wrong, I like the guys that are a decade younger just fine because they are fun to ... but for once it might be nice to spend time with someone my own age. Translator guy is around, but too busy for me, most of the time, which is okay with me because I guess he just wants to keep things casual. In the meantime, it's okay to be all excited by someone else, right? I suddenly want to go to the gym and finish my lecture and this chapter of my novel and revise that essay that I've been avoiding and plunge into the books on my bookshelf that are waiting all at once! Oh, what a strange night. For a moment, my exhaustion and depression have lifted. Maybe I can work through the night.  Sometimes, you don't even need the guy, just need to know that such a guy exists.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, didn't you already put her through the hoops of wanting you for just you... or did you break that rule for FB/FWB and she never jumped through that hoop/passed that test and now you're worried...

Look, you're never going to be a frog who turns into a prince. You might be a prince who turns into a frog. If your woman hangs around if that happens, you're good. If she doesn't, think of it this way, you'll be all set to find another woman who thinks like wife #1, no problem. Although maybe you will have a problem then because you will wonder why a woman is spending money on you when you're poor...you just won't be able to win. Even if it's still the same woman, you'll think she's just hanging around waiting for you to make it big again...

Stop counting what's in your wallet (and your pocket) and start valuing the love you give your partner. When you start believing in the value of that love and friendship you will stop doubting while others value it so highly. You are behaving like a d*ck, to yourself and to the person you love. Stop it! You're just uncomfortable with this emotion and are looking for a way to stop being overwhelmed by something new.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> RD, didn't you already put her through the hoops of wanting you for just you... or did you break that rule for FB/FWB and she never jumped through that hoop/passed that test and now you're worried...
> 
> Look, you're never going to be a frog who turns into a prince. You might be a prince who turns into a frog. If your woman hangs around if that happens, you're good. If she doesn't, think of it this way, you'll be all set to find another woman who thinks like wife #1, no problem. Although maybe you will have a problem then because you will wonder why a woman is spending money on you when you're poor...you just won't be able to win. Even if it's still the same woman, you'll think she's just hanging around waiting for you to make it big again...
> 
> Stop counting what's in your wallet (and your pocket) and start valuing the love you give your partner. When you start believing in the value of that love and friendship you will stop doubting while others value it so highly. You are behaving like a d*ck, to yourself and to the person you love. Stop it! You're just uncomfortable with this emotion and are looking for a way to stop being overwhelmed by something new.


:allhail:


----------



## bravenewworld

Singles of TAM - do you ever have those moments of rebuilding after divorce where you just feel like "damn, am I a total loser?" 

Pre-divorce I was a successful corporate worker bee and rich guy's wife. Except he was poor guy when I met him. And I helped him build that business from the ground up. 

But, I digress...

So post-divorce (after blowing up my life) I decided to pursue my passion of being an artist. The corporate lifestyle was good to me, but it wasn't for me, if that makes sense. I went back to my college job of bartending/waiting tables while pursuing my art. I went from a fancy schmancy house with a pool to a one bedroom apartment. And honestly, I haven't been this happy *in years.* 

Until tonight....

An old college friend came into the bar. It was a pleasant surprise, and we chatted a bit while I made his drink. Then out of nowhere he says, "I'm really surprised to see you still doing _this_." 

As though I was doing something shameful. Or embarrassing. 

I could feel my eyes glaze over. I went into the robo-mode all front of house goes into when we are dealing with a jerkoff customer. He sensed it, tried to chat me up. I was having none of it. He walked out, leaving me a 30% tip and his phone number (WTF?!) 

I won't go into the details of all the progress I've made with my art, with my life, with myself in general. And I have no idea why I let some jerk's comments derail my personal satisfaction, even for one night. Why is it we judge people by the car they drive, the house they live in, the label of the clothing on their back?

I had all that. And it sure as hell didn't make happy. Fools! I want to say. But another, small part of me, is insecure and hurt and questioning what I believe to be true. 

Thanks for listening. I needed to get that off my chest. It isn't easy starting over, and chasing after your dreams. I'm older than the bright-eyed kids straight out of college, but dammit, I'm wiser too. I'd rather roll the dice than sit on the sidelines!


----------



## moxy

Brave, I've been feeling a bit like that for similar reasons, lately, too.

Remember, work subsidizes art, not the other way around. Pain is fuel for art, not something we escape through success in it. And the more often people are surprised at where you are, the more likely it is that you're doing YOU better than they know how to do you, which means you're doing it right.

I feel that way, lately. Making progress in my own art, but not getting as much acclaim as I hope for, can be isolating. Academia itself is isolating, too (lots of performance, little connection), but when people judge my university for being a state university that isn't an Ivy or whatever, I do sometimes feel a bit self-conscious, until I realize how much of an opportunity I have to be where I am now for some very particular reasons. Having kids or not having kids can invoke the spotlight of scrutiny, too. Dating failures can also feel exhausting; we work hard to maybe-connect and something of us is drained each time things don't "work," you know? Sexyfuntimes don't keep the loneliness at bay longer than the afterglow and they don't replace stability or intimacy, either. Most of us left the belief that our marriages could work and be stable for good reason, found proof that even things we believe in can fall away beneath our feet -- and that makes the judgement of those outside of us sting a bit more, sometimes. We wonder what they have that entitles them to judge us or our paths in life; in truth, they are probably equally broken in other ways of aspects of life and we don't see that in their judgmental statements or the moment of hearing them. We do not have to live up to other people's ideas of how our lives should unfold, only our own.

We (many of us) chose to let go of what was broken but acceptable to society for a chance at something better. That comes with risk. That comes with loneliness. But, if we've gambled well, it will come with payoffs, too.


----------



## Lone Shadow

bravenewworld said:


> Singles of TAM - do you ever have those moments of rebuilding after divorce where you just feel like "damn, am I a total loser?"
> 
> Pre-divorce I was a successful corporate worker bee and rich guy's wife. Except he was poor guy when I met him. And I helped him build that business from the ground up.
> 
> But, I digress...
> 
> So post-divorce (after blowing up my life) I decided to pursue my passion of being an artist. The corporate lifestyle was good to me, but it wasn't for me, if that makes sense. I went back to my college job of bartending/waiting tables while pursuing my art. I went from a fancy schmancy house with a pool to a one bedroom apartment. And honestly, I haven't been this happy *in years.*
> 
> Until tonight....
> 
> An old college friend came into the bar. It was a pleasant surprise, and we chatted a bit while I made his drink. Then out of nowhere he says, "I'm really surprised to see you still doing _this_."
> 
> As though I was doing something shameful. Or embarrassing.
> 
> I could feel my eyes glaze over. I went into the robo-mode all front of house goes into when we are dealing with a jerkoff customer. He sensed it, tried to chat me up. I was having none of it. He walked out, leaving me a 30% tip and his phone number (WTF?!)
> 
> I won't go into the details of all the progress I've made with my art, with my life, with myself in general. And I have no idea why I let some jerk's comments derail my personal satisfaction, even for one night. Why is it we judge people by the car they drive, the house they live in, the label of the clothing on their back?
> 
> I had all that. And it sure as hell didn't make happy. Fools! I want to say. But another, small part of me, is insecure and hurt and questioning what I believe to be true.
> 
> Thanks for listening. I needed to get that off my chest. It isn't easy starting over, and chasing after your dreams. I'm older than the bright-eyed kids straight out of college, but dammit, I'm wiser too. I'd rather roll the dice than sit on the sidelines!


Brave, it sounds like Fantasia needs a hero to save it from eminent destruction. Does the Childlike Empress need a new name?


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> Brave, I've been feeling a bit like that for similar reasons, lately, too.
> 
> Remember, work subsidizes art, not the other way around. Pain is fuel for art, not something we escape through success in it. And the more often people are surprised at where you are, the more likely it is that you're doing YOU better than they know how to do you, which means you're doing it right.
> 
> I feel that way, lately. Making progress in my own art, but not getting as much acclaim as I hope for, can be isolating. Academia itself is isolating, too (lots of performance, little connection), but when people judge my university for being a state university that isn't an Ivy or whatever, I do sometimes feel a bit self-conscious, until I realize how much of an opportunity I have to be where I am now for some very particular reasons. Having kids or not having kids can invoke the spotlight of scrutiny, too. Dating failures can also feel exhausting; we work hard to maybe-connect and something of us is drained each time things don't "work," you know? Sexyfuntimes don't keep the loneliness at bay longer than the afterglow and they don't replace stability or intimacy, either. Most of us left the belief that our marriages could work and be stable for good reason, found proof that even things we believe in can fall away beneath our feet -- and that makes the judgement of those outside of us sting a bit more, sometimes. We wonder what they have that entitles them to judge us or our paths in life; in truth, they are probably equally broken in other ways of aspects of life and we don't see that in their judgmental statements or the moment of hearing them. We do not have to live up to other people's ideas of how our lives should unfold, only our own.
> 
> *We (many of us) chose to let go of what was broken but acceptable to society for a chance at something better. That comes with risk. That comes with loneliness. But, if we've gambled well, it will come with payoffs, too.*


And this is why I love TAM. Beautifully said. All of it.


----------



## bravenewworld

Lone Shadow said:


> Brave, it sounds like Fantasia needs a hero to save it from eminent destruction. Does the Childlike Empress need a new name?


:rofl:

I should have told him there's no Princess in the castle needing saving. I roasted Bowser on a spit.


----------



## RandomDude

Of course I'm insecure when it comes to emotional crap. Without emotions I'm happy, joyful, confident and IN CONTROL. Emotions rob me of this control and hence I go paranoid if I'm in a daze flapping around in lovey dovey crap.



FeministInPink said:


> RD, how much do you know about her past relationships, and how finance affected/informed her previous relationships? You can tell a lot about a person based on past behavior, and whether they continue those patterns, or if they make changes.
> 
> And past experiences can be a good basis for understanding someone else's present-day motives, drives, actions and overall behavior. That's why, when we're involved with someone, we tell them stories about our past. It's our way of saying--either consciously or subconsciously--"This is who I am, and why I am the way that I am," in the hopes that the other person will understand us on something more than a superficial level.


Her past experiences with men do nothing but stroke my ego, I can't say I know the whole story with them as I've only heard her side of it. Still, finances are a standard to her but not something she actively looks out for, so her complaints about them were tied to their behavior rather than wealth.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> RD, didn't you already put her through the hoops of wanting you for just you... or did you break that rule for FB/FWB and she never jumped through that hoop/passed that test and now you're worried...


She was never tested, I never intended for her to be anything more than FB/FWB last year. So she knew from the get go who she was dealing with. She respected my boundaries however and never pushed - otherwise I would have got rid of her before she grew on me.



> Look, you're never going to be a frog who turns into a prince. You might be a prince who turns into a frog. If your woman hangs around if that happens, you're good. If she doesn't, think of it this way, you'll be all set to find another woman who thinks like wife #1, no problem. Although maybe you will have a problem then because you will wonder why a woman is spending money on you when you're poor...you just won't be able to win. Even if it's still the same woman, you'll think she's just hanging around waiting for you to make it big again...


Ex was an oddity, she was actually complaining throughout the years when I was making big. Ironically it also means she never truly appreciated the lifestyle I gave her as sole provider. She aint perfect in that, but if anything at least I knew she had my back back in those days regardless of money.



> Stop counting what's in your wallet (and your pocket) and start valuing the love you give your partner. When you start believing in the value of that love and friendship you will stop doubting while others value it so highly. You are behaving like a d*ck, to yourself and to the person you love. Stop it! You're just uncomfortable with this emotion and are looking for a way to stop being overwhelmed by something new.


Maybe, I'm calmer now and she's coming over. I'll just sweep it under the rug for now. I'm not acting this way with her, only venting on the forum. She has absolutely no clue I was upset, and I'm over it today - mostly. Unless she triggers me again with an innocent comment, somehow, hope not. Think we'll just stay clear of money/future/dream talk.


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Of course I'm insecure when it comes to emotional crap. Without emotions I'm happy, joyful, confident and IN CONTROL. Emotions rob me of this control and hence I go paranoid if I'm in a daze flapping around in lovey dovey crap.
> 
> Maybe, I'm calmer now and she's coming over. I'll just sweep it under the rug for now. I'm not acting this way with her, only venting on the forum. She has absolutely no clue I was upset, and I'm over it today - mostly. Unless she triggers me again with an innocent comment, somehow, hope not. Think we'll just stay clear of money/future/dream talk.


Everyone is insecure when it comes to emotional crap. Just had that experience with Swedish Chef today (where is this going? is it smart to get involved with a player? how much does he like me?)

Whoa. Deep breath time. I have an FWB who cooks me dinner, has a top-shelf double bourbon on the rocks waiting when I walk through the door, makes me laugh, and effs me silly. Just enjoy it, I told myself. Life is good. 

RD - I pass my resolution of my own insecurities onto you. Just enjoy your relationship. Life is good. Relax and deep breaths. Dreams and pillow talk are dreams and pillow talk. 

If you can't share your dreams with your lover, who can you share them with? :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah well, if she really wants a beachhouse, and if it's one of her goals in life, it'll be out of her pocket, no way would I agree with financing such a black hole.

If she would want my support she'll have to wait 10-20 years until I'm confident my daughter has matured/established herself to be independent - then we'll move somewhere else where beachfront properties dont cost fking over six million dollars.

But yeah, you're right, its just pillow talk and I'm probably just over-reacting. I just don't want us to hit so many speedhumps considering how new our relationship is, we already hit one when it comes to my daughter but she's been very understanding in regards to it.


----------



## moxy

RD, there's a part of you that wants to please your gf, to make her happy. That part of you would probably love to go buy her some extraordinary thing, just so you can feel happy about having accomplished it. That doesn't mean you have to act on that impulse or wish. It's not as if she is demanding that you buy her a beachfront home. It's just a daydream of sorts. 

Having shared dreams, or sharing ones dreams with each other, makes couples bond. That's all it is. So all you have to do is acknowledge her daydream, not facilitate or provide it. 

She isn't with you in order to secure herself a provider, but because she enjoys your company. And, because you've just given in to your feelings, you're going to feel vulnerable. That's natural. Just don't try to sabotage things out of an uncertainty about your ability to safeguard them. Be in the bubble of your relationship as long as you can. Don't plan for houses and property yet. And, don't put words in her mouth that hurt you. Admiring your financial security doesn't mean she is after your cash, just that she likes your grown up side as much as she likes your fun side. That's a good thing, in my opinion. 

Don't worry about making it all a smooth ride without speed bumps. You don't have to speed and you can take it easy and just enjoy the ride you're on together, right? Why rush toward any "destination" when you're not ready?


----------



## Jellybeans

bravenewworld said:


> Then out of nowhere he says, "I'm really surprised to see you still doing _this_."
> 
> He sensed it, tried to chat me up. I was having none of it. He walked out, leaving me a 30% tip and his phone number (WTF?!)


You gonna call him? Kidding. You should have said something snappy back. 



bravenewworld said:


> Pre-divorce I was a successful corporate worker bee and rich guy's wife.
> 
> I had all that. And it sure as hell didn't make happy. Fools! I want to say.


Brave, I can relate to you in the sense that I was married to the Money Man, too. And you're right - all the bells and whistles in the world do not = happiness. 

You are happy, love your art, are enjoying yourself, have made improvements/progress, have a lover who treats you right and has you bourbon waiting for you when you get home. That's pretty good, and way better than most, girl. Don't let someone's comments get you down. Some people think that how they view what is important in life and live their life is how everyone else should.



RandomDude said:


> Yeah well, if she really wants a beachhouse, and if it's one of her goals in life, it'll be out of her pocket, no way would I agree with financing such a black hole.


Then tell her this. 

I am still lost abut what it was she said about a beach house that upset you. If she wants a beach house, tell her to buy one herself. You said she's financially independent, right? 

You always compare everyone to your ex but your ex met you when you were building up your $, right? So no matter what, no other woman will get to experience that with you unless you go bankrupt and start from the bottom again. That or you need to find someone who you consider on your own $ level who you don't believe wants your money. It's simple: if you aren't feeling compatible with her in a key common area, then dump her. Problem solved. Realize this though, most people (men AND women alike) do not want to be with someone who is financially irresponsible to the point where they aren't paying bills, have a dollar to their name, and/or just don't consider paying things on time. That's not exactly rocket science, especially in this day in age. You say yourself you don't want someone mooching off you which means you want someone financially stable, too. What's good for the goose... If you ever do remarry, etc, get a pre-nup. Protect your assets. It's pretty simple.


----------



## ne9907

I am pretty sure the new guy is what is causing my anxiety....

I cant make a decision yet because I am also getting over bronchitis, but I have been extremely anxious since we moved to the fwb thing. I dont understand why!
He doesnt ignore me, he texts good morning and we actually talk on the phone often. He cares about my well being and yet I am so anxious I want to cry!

This anxiety sucks.... I want to run away and stay put at the same time... I do not want to go on meds, any natural remedies I can use?

All I know is that I hate this feeling. I have even contemplated texting ex husband!!! Isnt this crazy???


----------



## RandomDude

It's nothing she said that upset me, it just triggered my fears/paranoia. Not something I can discuss with her. She's financially independent but not financially free, and I don't see how she could finance beachside property with her current income at least not where we live. Besides I'm still rebuilding my capital after the split from ex and like to keep my expenses to a minimum without compromising my lifestyle.

Don't get me wrong though, she's alright, we had a good night last night and I'm over it. I don't know, she's actually really sweet and hasn't done anything wrong by me - yet. I'm just overthinking things. Let's forget I said anything.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I am pretty sure the new guy is what is causing my anxiety....
> 
> I cant make a decision yet because I am also getting over bronchitis, but I have been extremely anxious since we moved to the fwb thing. I dont understand why!
> He doesnt ignore me, he texts good morning and we actually talk on the phone often. He cares about my well being and yet I am so anxious I want to cry!
> 
> This anxiety sucks.... I want to run away and stay put at the same time... I do not want to go on meds, any natural remedies I can use?
> 
> All I know is that I hate this feeling. I have even contemplated texting ex husband!!! Isnt this crazy???


Ne...you REALLY REALLY need to step away from men for a while.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bravenewworld said:


> do you ever have those moments of rebuilding after divorce where you just feel like "damn, am I a total loser?"


No, but maybe your old college friend felt like that after opening big mouth and saying stupid stuff. A**hat.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> any natural remedies I can use?


Yes, natural remedy is to stop feeding the crazy.
The anxiety is there as a warning to you, medicating it won't make it go away. 
It doesn't need to make sense, that is you don't need a logical reason as to why the relationship is causing anxiety. 
Your 'bronchitis' might get better too, mucosal response is tied to anxiety. Relationships you don't feel okay in can actually make you physically sick.
Ted Bundy hahahahahahaha. Actually it doesn't take that extreme of a psychopath to make your life miserable...
If there is anxiety you need to honor it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Heh. I like that one HNU. Stop feeding the crazy.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am pretty sure the new guy is what is causing my anxiety....


Then stop seeing him. Stop sleeping with him. You said he gets on your nerves and you aren't emotionally available to him anyway. Listen to your body. What you are doing doesn't match what you are saying/feeling. You're not into him. So maybe it's best to end it.

Natural anxiety remedy: sunlight and exercise. A good cardio session will go a long way.

Also, if something makes you feel bad, stop doing it.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne...you REALLY REALLY need to step away from men for a while.


Some just can't step away from the c0ck for some reason. It's really not that hard to do, they just choose to continue trying to get attention from men vs giving it to themselves.

My sister is similar, I hate watching it happen.


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmmm wine, truffles and cheese


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> Some just can't step away from the c0ck for some reason.


VI, I can't step away either. We're quite attached, and we like it that way. :rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

So today I found a book titled "How to drive your man wild" by Graham Masterson or some such in my car. Definitely not mine, no idea how it got there, must have fallen out of GF's bag or something.

But regardless... WTF!? She's reading THIS bullsh-t?! Bah! Don't know how to return this to her without making her red... "Oh btw, I found this book in my car" 

Gosh... on the very first page it goes like:
"In these days of increasing female independence, why should any woman want to be a perfect lover? Doesn't that mean she has to spend her time being a slave to male sexual lust?"

... the fk?

Anyway skimming through the chapters, it has C20 titled "How to tease and please him" which is good I guess... but then it has...

C25 "70 things you can do for him today"
1) Wake him up at 3am and suck his ---
_NO WAY, that'll piss me off -.-_
14) Insist that he makes love to you before you let him go to work... the fk?!
_She's reading a book on "how to be RD's ex-wife?!"_
18) Buy a vibrator and demonstrate its effectiveness on his p---
__
47) Buy an inflatable sex doll
_... oooooooooooooook... _
51) Bite his nipples so hard that he screams
_WTF NO!!_
54) Go to a party without panties and flash him
_Ok that's a good one at least_

We've been fking constantly since last year and she's reading this book?! =/ What gives? Meh


----------



## RandomDude

Maybe I'll just put the book back where I found it, then put a drink bottle next to it and the next time we go out, give her the keys and tell her to pick up my drink bottle (and hopefully she'll find the book and go "whoops!")

So no red face


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Maybe I'll just put the book back where I found it, then put a drink bottle next to it and the next time we go out, give her the keys and tell her to pick up my drink bottle (and hopefully she'll find the book and go "whoops!")
> 
> So no red face


Maybe don't be such a wuss and hand her the book and say "I found this in my car i think you left it there" and just turn around and walk away.

You sound like such a game player just to avoid confrontation. How unassertive. (And extremely unattractive to a woman)

Your own paranoid thoughts will be the death of your relationship, not anything your GF is doing.


----------



## moxy

Lol, RD. Just because she wants to be a conscientious lover doesn't mean she will use everything she finds in that book. It sounds like a book that is just encouraging women, in general, to enjoy sex and find the adventure in it -- and, because there really are a lot of women who aren't as sexually motivated, sadly, there is a reason for that book's existence. The kernel of truth in all those books is essentially, "It's okay to like sex and try new things; you won't be considered a ho for it in your relationship," as they are meant to build confidence. I admit, that one sounds like a bad Cosmo article going on for too many pages, but still, don't take it so seriously.

Give her the book, and before she even has a chance to respond, pull her close to you, with one hand around her waist and one stroking her arm or hair or face and say, in a sultry, low voice, with your mouth very near her ear, "You already know how to drive me wild, let me show you what I mean." Maybe kiss her ear or bite her earlobe playfully. I bet you the sexyfuntimes that follow will be excellent, and a little less reserved, for doing so. The only red face will the blush of anticipation.


----------



## RandomDude

Ha! Trust me, the temptation to see her reaction is VERY strong.

I'm not avoiding confrontation out of fear or unassertiveness, I simply don't want to embarrass her. Would be priceless to see her reaction, but if she hasn't shared the book with me verbally I can only assume it's part of her private affairs that I respect.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hey VI, I found this book in my car. Did it fall out of your purse? I skimmed through it a bit, and I have to say - some of what's in here sounds like fun, but the rest of it is way off base. Let's have sexyfuntimes and talk about some of the things in the book. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Hey VI, I found this book in my car. Did it fall out of your purse? I skimmed through it a bit, and I have to say - some of what's in here sounds like fun, but the rest of it is way off base. Let's have sexyfuntimes and talk about some of the things in the book.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Exactly!


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Ha! Trust me, the temptation to see her reaction is VERY strong.
> 
> I'm not avoiding confrontation out of fear or unassertiveness, I simply don't want to embarrass her. Would be priceless to see her reaction, but if she hasn't shared the book with me verbally I can only assume it's part of her private affairs that I respect.


It's a book. Not a diary. There is no violation of privacy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> Lol, RD. Just because she wants to be a conscientious lover doesn't mean she will use everything she finds in that book. It sounds like a book that is just encouraging women, in general, to enjoy sex and find the adventure in it -- and, because there really are a lot of women who aren't as sexually motivated, sadly, there is a reason for that book's existence. The kernel of truth in all those books is essentially, "It's okay to like sex and try new things; you won't be considered a ho for it in your relationship," as they are meant to build confidence. I admit, that one sounds like a bad Cosmo article going on for too many pages, but still, don't take it so seriously.
> 
> Give her the book, and before she even has a chance to respond, pull her close to you, with one hand around her waist and one stroking her arm or hair or face and say, in a sultry, low voice, with your mouth very near her ear, "You already know how to drive me wild, let me show you what I mean." Maybe kiss her ear or bite her earlobe playfully. I bet you the sexyfuntimes that follow will be excellent, and a little less reserved, for doing so. The only red face will the blush of anticipation.


Yeah well, she'd just better not be biting my nipples anytime soon...

Also, you have to see this:
8) Shave all your pubic hair off
9) Shave all HIS pubic hair of

O.O
*Makes note to self - stay awake at night*

Heh, anyway as I said I don't want to embarrass her / invade her privacy.

EDIT: WTF!!!!

57) Ask to hold his penis while he pees

............................


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> It's a book. Not a diary. There is no violation of privacy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dunno mate, I've never went through her stuff nor she mine and our relationship is quite new despite our FWB roots.


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm, writer's male... so it's his desires put into a book. Argh!
How is this crap even published? lol

Ne way I really don't get it, here I am resisting the temptation to see her inevitably priceless reaction out of principle; a principle that you ladies + Loneshadow are suggesting I break as - you say also that it's "book, not a diary, hence not invasive of privacy" yes?

Well quite frankly putting myself in her shoes, if I was to read a book to increase my sexual prowess and GF found it I would be kicking myself for days, and laugh about it at the same time because that's just me. Still, it would get me red faced. Even if she got all sweet about it (like you guys are suggesting I go all sweet on her when confronting her).

I'm trying to be nice! lol
But I should do the "mean" thing instead?

Regardless the find is rather amusing for me


----------



## FeministInPink

The responses posted by the other Singles here is spot on. Don't read too much into it; it's just a book. She's probably just reading it to get some new ideas. Or a friend gave it to her as a joke!

And I'm sure she knows your likes and dislikes pretty well by now, and if she tries something you don't like, she'll either be able to tell that you don't like it and will stop. If she doesn't, you can just ask her to stop, or to try something else.

And she's certainly not going to shave your public hair while your sleeping. Although, if you were to allow her to do that while you're awake, it requires a certain level of intimacy and trust between the two of you. Which clearly isn't there yet, at least not for you.

PS There is a lot of crap published, because not all people who read are smart. And they read crap. Not saying your GO is stupid. I've been suckered into reading crap before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Heh well, she shouldn't be needing this book, also gives me a slight suspicion but going to brush that off for now (don't ask). Could even mean she doesn't think I'm enjoying it...

Sorry, this is just how my stupid brain works, it examines all possibilities even if it's all bullshat 
And yeah, I know she's not going to shave my pubs, I'm just making jest of these ridicolous suggestions lol. Heck... is nipple biting even a thing?!

EDIT:
Sh-t... now that I mention it, I just HAVE to confront her.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Heh well, she shouldn't be needing this book, also gives me a slight suspicion but going to brush that off for now (don't ask). Could even mean she doesn't think I'm enjoying it...
> 
> Sorry, this is just how my stupid brain works, it examines all possibilities even if it's all bullshat
> And yeah, I know she's not going to shave my pubs, I'm just making jest of these ridicolous suggestions lol. Heck... is nipple biting even a thing?!
> 
> EDIT:
> Sh-t... now that I mention it, I just HAVE to confront her.


Yes, nipple biting is a thing, and some guys LOVE it. Some guys HATE it, too. It's quite the divisive issue.


----------



## Twistedheart

<----Hates it. Not into any kind of pain in the bedroom....


----------



## RandomDude

How about holding his penis while he's peeing? lol


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> How about holding his penis while he's peeing? lol



Surely that was a joke!


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> Mmmmm wine, truffles and cheese


Will you be my Valentine? 



RandomDude said:


> So today I found a book titled "How to drive your man wild" by Graham Masterson or some such in my car.
> 
> But regardless... WTF!? She's reading THIS bullsh-t?! Bah! Don't know how to return this to her without making her red... "Oh btw, I found this book in my car"


It's just a book. Not a nuclear weapon.



vi_bride04 said:


> You sound like such a game player just to avoid confrontation. How unassertive. (And extremely unattractive to a woman)
> 
> *Your own paranoid thoughts will be the death of your relationship,* not anything your GF is doing.


100% yes. 

RD, I think yu aren't as ready for a relationship as you may think. It's like you're self-sabotaging. You are finding everything wrong with her lately that you can (first the beach house comment, now the book. It's a book, not like she is plotting on overthrowing the world).


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, nipple biting is a thing, and some guys LOVE it. Some guys HATE it, too. It's quite the divisive issue.


Hate it.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm making jest, chill! lol
Not everything I say on this forum should be taken seriously



moxy said:


> Surely that was a joke!


Obviously not according to the author lol
Ladies! Remember to hold your man's penis while he pees!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> How about holding his penis while he's peeing? lol


Yeah, that one's just weird. I'm open to a lot of stuff, but one needs to maintain some boundaries in a relationship. I will always close the door when I'm peeing, and I hope that my partner would have the courtesy to do the same. And I'm certainly NOT holding it while he pees.


----------



## RandomDude

37) See how far your tongue will go up his ass

:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Hate it.


Sadly, Healer, I think you and I will never work out. I guess it wasn't meant to be...


----------



## Healer

How's everybody? So Friday night I went to GG's. Friday afternoon at work I started to have some anxiety. I couldn't precisely pinpoint it but I have a good idea. With the stuff that went on previously (my initial blow off of her, her telling me she hadn't had sex in a year, then her being put off by me not texting that day and the prospect of going to her house Friday night and what that probably implied)...I guess it was obvious. I was also fighting off a cold that has been going around the office - so I was congested, which was pissing me off.

I went home and ate a measly bowl of soup before heading out to her place, a 45 min drive. When I finally got there it was starting to be a snow storm. I brought her flowers (white daisies) which were a BIG hit. Vibe was good and we decided to stay in (thanks snow storm). My adrenaline was pumping - I could feel it. I'm generally not anxious when I'm seeing new women, at least not that much. I brought my guitar, and she says "play something for me". Well, it's kinda weird, but I have no problem getting up and playing and singing in front of hundreds or more people. But ask me to sit with my acoustic in front of one woman and sing/play...that's scary. So, this of course added to my anxiety. BUT - I did it anyway, even though I couldn't for the life of me remember any lyrics.  She liked it though. Then I asked her to sing for me. Holy ****. That girl can sing! What a voice. I was blown away. We sang a bit together and decided for sure we'll work on tunes together - something I've always wanted to do with a girlfriend, or whatever you want to call it. So that raised my attraction. She's just a wonderful vocalist.

After that we got into some heavy conversation. She ended up asking me if there was another woman and if that's why I blew her off the first time. I copped to it and she said she knew. She's astute, that one. She didn't give me **** but said "I had to ask, but I knew that was the case".

She eventually said "let's go up to my room and cuddle and watch TV". I spent the night. I slept like ****...always do with a new woman, especially in a foreign bed.

Lots of sweet texting the next day and following days. She said she really appreciated how attentive, gentle and focused I was with her, and that it was super hot and steamy between us. I was a little too amped up/anxious to enjoy it as much as I should have - but first times are rarely amazing (except for with lovergirl - that was awesome off the bat - but that was a very different situation and set of circumstances). Looking forward to next time - which won't be for a while, as our schedules won't allow for it until the weekend of Valentine's Day. We've been talking about it a lot.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Sadly, Healer, I think you and I will never work out. I guess it wasn't meant to be...


I'll gladly bite. But I don't like being bitten. Nibbled on, maybe.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I'm not avoiding confrontation out of fear or unassertiveness, I simply don't want to embarrass her.


You are putting her feelings ahead of your own. Over a silly thing such as a book. 

If you want to know and see her reaction, ASK and be direct. What is wrong with that?


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> Surely that was a joke!


Doubt it. And don't call him Surely!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> She ended up asking me if there was another woman and if that's why I blew her off the first time. I copped to it and she said she knew. She's astute, that one. She didn't give me **** but said "I had to ask, but I knew that was the case".


Women generally know. KUDOS for you for owning it and not deflecting or lying about it. She probably respects you a lot for being so honest with her. Sounds like ya had a fun night with the singing and guitar strumming.



Healer said:


> Looking forward to next time - which won't be for a while, as our schedules won't allow for it until the weekend of Valentine's Day. We've been talking about it a lot.


Yay! :smthumbup:


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Women generally know. KUDOS for you for owning it and not deflecting or lying about it. She probably respects you a lot for being so honest with her. Sounds like ya had a fun night with the singing and guitar strumming.
> 
> 
> 
> Yay! :smthumbup:


Don't get me wrong - nekkid time was a lot of fun too.


----------



## Jellybeans

As it should be.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Yes, natural remedy is to stop feeding the crazy.
> .


haha
yep!!! I had been doing that, except this time I didnt work. I was able to relax last night, I slept a lot and read a great book.



vi_bride04 said:


> Some just can't step away from the c0ck for some reason. It's really not that hard to do, they just choose to continue trying to get attention from men vs giving it to themselves.
> 
> My sister is similar, I hate watching it happen.


SOmetimes it isnot about the c0ck, it is about connection, that erroneous feeling of being cherished by someone. Sex is the fool's gold of emotions. However, emotions is not something I am ready to deal with (my anxiety is proof) therefore sex should not be my gold.

Because I love this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q3LEadIk3w


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Sex is the fool's gold of emotions.


Word


----------



## Lone Shadow

Mmmmm, Sex. 

Where's the line I need to be in for the nipple biting? 

BM asked a couple times if she could aim for me. It was, I dunno, kinda fun? Not erotic, not _playful_, but playful. Her aim was terrible, btw.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> 37) See how far your tongue will go up his ass
> 
> :rofl:


Have you ever had a a tongue up in there? Don't knock it till you've tried it 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Have you ever had a a tongue up in there? Don't knock it till you've tried it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


....I dunno about that one. Tell us more. :biggrinangelA:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> ....I dunno about that one. Tell us more. :biggrinangelA:


A lady doesn't kiss and tell


----------



## Lone Shadow

C`est la vie.


Healer -- I'm glad to hear that you're Friday night went well, but I'm disappointed that it took you until Wednesday to update us on this all-important event. I've been dutifully following The Days of Healer's Life, and going almost a full week for an update is just incredibly painful. I almost couldn't manage the anticipation.


----------



## Ynot

Hey RD, here is a angle that hasn't been discussed yet - what if she left the book on purpose? Maybe she wants you to see that she is perhaps willing to take something a step farther than you may have been comfortable with? What if she is trying to subtly tell you she wants to explore some part of yours or hers sexuality that hasn't been explored yet? Think about it dude, NOBODY has all the answers.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ynot, I was thinking along very similar lines. Trouble is, I didn't want RD's head to explode at the possibility that she left it on purpose.


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> C`est la vie.
> 
> 
> Healer -- I'm glad to hear that you're Friday night went well, but I'm disappointed that it took you until Wednesday to update us on this all-important event. I've been dutifully following The Days of Healer's Life, and going almost a full week for an update is just incredibly painful. I almost couldn't manage the anticipation.


Indeed. I guess I "broke the pattern".


----------



## Healer

Ynot said:


> Hey RD, here is a angle that hasn't been discussed yet - what if she left the book on purpose? Maybe she wants you to see that she is perhaps willing to take something a step farther than you may have been comfortable with? What if she is trying to subtly tell you she wants to explore some part of yours or hers sexuality that hasn't been explored yet? Think about it dude, NOBODY has all the answers.


Like a tongue up the butt?


----------



## muskrat

Hello everyone, long time no see. Hope ya'll are doing well.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> Like a tongue up the butt?


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:




Hey Muskrat, how are ya?


----------



## moxy

Healer said:


> Like a tongue up the butt?



Some guys *really* like the butt.


----------



## muskrat

Lone Shadow said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hey Muskrat, how are ya?



I'm doing great. I bought a new house last fall and have moved. My business as recently expanded and I incorporated. Best of all my divorce should be final next week! 
Oh, did I mention I'm going to Vegas with a lady friend for valentines weekend? :smthumbup:


----------



## Ynot

Healer said:


> Like a tongue up the butt?


Whatever, that is definitely one situation where I would be glad if a lady didn't kiss at all, the hell with the telling


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> I'm doing great. I bought a new house last fall and have moved. My business as recently expanded and I incorporated. Best of all my divorce should be final next week!
> Oh, did I mention I'm going to Vegas with a lady friend for valentines weekend? :smthumbup:


I'm glad to hear that things are going so well for you, muskrat!


----------



## vi_bride04

Hi muskrat!!!! Sounds like you are enjoying life too. I'm on a solo vacation in Michigan wine country right now. Having such a great time, just me and my dog. Thanks for checking in!! This is your thread after all


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> It's nothing she said that upset me, it just triggered my fears/paranoia. Not something I can discuss with her. She's financially independent but not financially free, and I don't see how she could finance beachside property with her current income at least not where we live. Besides I'm still rebuilding my capital after the split from ex and like to keep my expenses to a minimum without compromising my lifestyle.
> 
> Don't get me wrong though, she's alright, we had a good night last night and I'm over it. I don't know, she's actually really sweet and hasn't done anything wrong by me - yet. I'm just overthinking things. Let's forget I said anything.


I would interpret this as just her mentioning an idle dream, not implying you have to fund it into reality. I dream of walking on the moon someday, but it doesn't mean I expect a new SO to make it happen for me. Wishing for the trappings of the wealthy is so common, why do you think lotteries make so much money!

But it's good to know that this is a trigger for you. You know a red flag to watch for in a relationship because you know what is important to you about finances. So not being able to discuss it with her could be a problem.

As for the dilemma about the book, return it to her somehow, but put sticky notes that say "awesome idea" on the pages that have something you'd like to try.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, it's a red flag, but it's a minor one and not enough to make any conclusions - as it's inconsistent with other evidence. Hence it's not worth mentioning to her while it's all in my head.

I'm going to confront her about the book regardless, I figured her reaction would be too amusing to miss 
Yes I've also thought of the possibility that she left it on purpose, but only her reaction will tell if she did.

But no tongue up my butt thanks, no nipple biting, no holding my pee pee while I'm urinating, and no shaving of my pubs! lol


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Have you ever had a a tongue up in there? Don't knock it till you've tried it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exit only 

Same goes with her butt! Not into the anal scene thank you!


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> But no tongue up my butt thanks, no nipple biting, no holding my pee pee while I'm urinating, and no shaving of my pubs! lol


Dammit man! Relax, unwind, live a little. :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Have you ever had a a tongue up in there? Don't knock it till you've tried it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:



muskrat said:


> Hello everyone, long time no see. Hope ya'll are doing well.


HIIII, Musk! I was wondering about you! Hope you have an excellent time in Vegas and congrats on the move! 

You guys are talking about nip biting.... and other sexy things that turn me on.

Bunch'a perverts!

(I like it).


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> You guys are talking about nip biting.... and other sexy things that turn me on.
> 
> Bunch'a perverts!
> 
> (I like it).


Well, ya know, we're all horny and undersexed (except for RD on the undersexed part), so... we have to get our kicks somewhere.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Well, ya know, we're all horny and undersexed (except for RD on the undersexed part), so.


We're not all undersexed. 

Hahaha. TGIT, girl.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> We're not all undersexed.
> 
> Hahaha. TGIT, girl.


Ha ha, lucky you


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> We're not all undersexed.
> 
> Hahaha. TGIT, girl.


I think... yeah. I'm _always_ undersexed.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I think... yeah. I'm _always_ undersexed.


Ah... the HD curse. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

I just need to find someone who can keep up.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I just need to find someone who can keep up.


I'm pretty sure that's my line 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Really? I didn't get the memo. 

o.0


----------



## moxy

I'm having a really rough week, and I don't really know why. Mr. Translator texted me today to say he missed me, which was nice, but I suppose I'd have been happier if he said he wanted to hook up this weekend. Mr. Avant Garde is either busy, or playing hard to get, because he's been quiet; that's a shame because I was kinda hoping to get to know him, as his personality and interests really turned me on in a serious way. And, for no reason that I can think of, I miss my ex-h and what we had when it was good, and I miss Guy and what we had, and I am so under-sexed that I'm frustrated, and out of nowhere, I just started sobbing. WTF!? Either I'm lonely or I'm depressed, and I can't tell which. I need a spa day. And, some time to catch up on work. And, to just not feel like this.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> I'm. Mr. Avant Garde is either busy, or playing hard to get, because he's been quiet; that's a shame because I was kinda hoping to get to know him, as his personality and interests really turned me on in a serious way.


Have you told him that? Maybe you should. 
If people that you're really interested in don't come along too often, why cut yourself short, do something about it. If nothing comes of it, at least you know you did your best.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

p.s.


----------



## jpr

Congrats, Muskrat!

Need any help planning your outfits for Las Vegas?


----------



## unsure78

Lol..you know he needs something with a zzzzzzzziper  

Good for you rat, glad life is treating you well!


----------



## unsure78

And stay away from the leather! Lol


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> I'm having a really rough week, and I don't really know why. Mr. Translator texted me today to say he missed me, which was nice, but I suppose I'd have been happier if he said he wanted to hook up this weekend. Mr. Avant Garde is either busy, or playing hard to get, because he's been quiet; that's a shame because I was kinda hoping to get to know him, as his personality and interests really turned me on in a serious way. And, for no reason that I can think of, I miss my ex-h and what we had when it was good, and I miss Guy and what we had, and I am so under-sexed that I'm frustrated, and out of nowhere, I just started sobbing. WTF!? Either I'm lonely or I'm depressed, and I can't tell which. I need a spa day. And, some time to catch up on work. And, to just not feel like this.


Why don't you call Mr. Translator? Or Mr. Avant Garde? 

I'd ask if you wanted to hook up, but I have plans for the weekend already, so that's just a total non-starter.


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Have you told him that? Maybe you should.
> 
> If people that you're really interested in don't come along too often, why cut yourself short, do something about it. If nothing comes of it, at least you know you did your best.



I haven't, actually -- but if he texts me back, I think I will. I was worried that it would be too forward of me, but, if he's calling me sexy and beautiful and I'm not telling him I think he's hot, then he may think I'm not into him. I've told him that I find him interesting and would like to get to know him. He said he wanted to hang out. He's my age, and most of the guys that I meet or who want to get together are eight to ten years younger, so I was really excited to talk to someone more age-appropriate. It takes me a while to open up, but sometimes, I think my desire to wait for the right time to act seems like lack of interest. Anyway, if he doesn't text me back, then he's either bored of me or busy with someone else. However, I think you're right that it's worth the risk to say something, just in case.

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm not seeing clearly these days because I've got the blues.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> . Anyway, if he doesn't text me back, then he's either bored of me or busy with someone else.


Pfft. I was at work. I can't text you back when I'm at work. I have to leave my phone out in the car.


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Why don't you call Mr. Translator? Or Mr. Avant Garde?
> 
> 
> 
> I'd ask if you wanted to hook up, but I have plans for the weekend already, so that's just a total non-starter.



I texted Mr. Translator; he got back to me a week later. I took that as a desire to keep things casual on his part. Mr. Avant Garde texted me and I texted back and now I'm waiting for his response, but that's been two days, so I'm thinking he's talking to someone else who is taking up his time, which is okay because we haven't gone out yet, only texted and traded pictures, so far. Other guys that I've been talking to are people that I'd like to have fun with for a little while, but can't see myself involved with beyond that -- or, they're far away. 

Too bad you have plans. Women from TX know how to party.  just teasing; I hope you have a great weekend.


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Pfft. I was at work. I can't text you back when I'm at work. I have to leave my phone out in the car.



Lol. Exactly! I can't expect you to just be my on-call sex-toy, can I?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> I haven't, actually -- but if he texts me back, I think I will. I was worried that it would be too forward of me, but, if he's calling me sexy and beautiful and I'm not telling him I think he's hot, then he may think I'm not into him. I've told him that I find him interesting and would like to get to know him. He said he wanted to hang out. He's my age, and most of the guys that I meet or who want to get together are eight to ten years younger, so I was really excited to talk to someone more age-appropriate. It takes me a while to open up, but sometimes, I think my desire to wait for the right time to act seems like lack of interest. Anyway, if he doesn't text me back, then he's either bored of me or busy with someone else. However, I think you're right that it's worth the risk to say something, just in case.
> 
> Thank you for the encouragement. I'm not seeing clearly these days because I've got the blues.


OK, well if you don't feel like pursuing him, then maybe you're just not that interested. 

What did you text him? It should have been something like, let's hang out, tomorrow, 6 p.m. [place] can you be there (with bells on)?

You're sounding passive. A guy, I think, wants to know someone is interested in them, just as much as a woman would. They're human too. If you're wanting to spend time with someone, you need to take the initiative, and if he's on the top of your list, treat him like he's on the top of the list. 

Your comfort zone is getting you nowhere. Now when a guy gets like this, he understands that he needs to move out of that zone in order to get better results. Crying isn't helpful. Waiting for a text isn't helpful. If you issue a specific invite with enthusiasm, then that's helpful. Even if you get negative results you know you're fishing in the wrong pond. That's information you can act on, vs. waiting for information. 

It seems I actually stole my guy this way from another woman (or two). I knew that...but I didn't care, because he was at the top of my list (actually the only person on my list) and I let him know. If he was at the top of their list, I'm sure they would still be around...but they aren't. So there.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Lol. Exactly! I can't expect you to just be my on-call sex-toy, can I?


Oh that's not fair. I would absolutely love to be an on-call sex toy. Unfortunately, I have sole custody, so I can't be on-call.


For a while, I thought a miniskirt & cowboy boots combo was sexy as hell. Then I spent a few months in Dallas, and it became passé. Having said that, it's been a while since I've seen the above combo, so it might be sexy as hell again. Who knows. 


HNU is spot on. Most men like to be chased just as much as we like to chase. IE: we like displays of overt interest. Don't make us have to guess if you're interested, we're miserable at that. If you're going to be subtle about displaying your interest, you can't be any more subtle than a brick wrapped in felt, or we're going to miss it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Don't make us have to guess if you're interested, we're miserable at that. If you're going to be subtle about displaying your interest, you can't be any more subtle than a brick wrapped in felt, or we're going to miss it.


Thanks, and well, nothing says 'interest' like a leather skirt and boots. 

But, seriously, bricks aside, expressing interest doesn't mean you're going to take the lead, it's just a confidence booster and a strong hint at receptivity...after you've done your job you can feel free to back off and let the guy display whatever moves he might have. Consider the hint-giving elicitation vs. 'chasing' if you must. 

It's supposed to be fun....
You're interested, he's interested, what could possibly go wrong!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You're interested, he's interested, what could possibly go wrong!


Well...

Duck Tape _has_ been turning "No No No" into "mmm mmm mmm" since around 1942...:smthumbup:

...but that's only if you're still looking for things that could go wrong. Besides, isn't the whole idea of something "going wrong" based entirely on perception?:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Lone Shadow said:


> Unfortunately, I have sole custody, so I can't be on-call.


Ok. Reading this again, it sounds so completely wrong. We all know that me having sole custody is not unfortunate. The unfortunate part is that I can't be on-call. I have these things called _**shudder**_ children that.. well, anyway, it's very fortunate for them and me that I have sole custody.:smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

moxy said:


> Mr. Avant Garde texted me and I texted back and now I'm waiting for his response, but that's been two days, so I'm thinking he's talking to someone else who is taking up his time, which is okay because we haven't gone out yet, only texted and traded pictures, so far.


He hasn't responded in two days. I say keep talking to other guys. Generally you know if a guy wants to meet up with you/see you. So he seems lukewarm. You could reach out again but if you find that he's still slow in responding to you, taking days, then throw that one back and keep fishing.

Happy Friday, urrybody.


----------



## bkyln309

Want to introduce myself. I am new to this site (or new to registering and posting). 

I am a divorced mid life woman with two kids. Jumping into dating again after my divorce. Its been rather interesting doing the OLD thing. Seems like the men I click with and they with me turn out to be very different on major issues. I have kept it moving!! I think I will just date around for awhile for fun!


----------



## bkyln309

Want to introduce myself. I am new to this site (or new to registering and posting). 

I am a divorced mid life woman with two kids. Jumping into dating again after my divorce. Its been rather interesting doing the OLD thing. Seems like the men I click with and they with me turn out to be very different on major issues. I have kept it moving!! I think I will just date around for awhile for fun! But it does seem I attract a certain type of man who is very different on the same issues.


----------



## Jellybeans

Welcome, bklyn! Feel free to share your dating stories here to add to the crazy a$$ stories we all have.


----------



## bkyln309

Jellybeans said:


> Welcome, bklyn! Feel free to share your dating stories here to add to the crazy a$$ stories we all have.



Thanks. I think the biggest thing I noticed about OLD is the crazy messages men send to you as a stranger. Half those things I wouldnt expect in a full blown relationship much less trying to get to know someone. I have a great sense of humor so most of them just make me laugh. But its really eye opening how pathetic some of the lines are!!! What happened to just asking a normal question?


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> He hasn't responded in two days. I say keep talking to other guys. Generally you know if a guy wants to meet up with you/see you. So he seems lukewarm. You could reach out again but if you find that he's still slow in responding to you, taking days, then throw that one back and keep fishing.
> 
> Happy Friday, urrybody.


I agree. 

Moxy, if a guy wants to see you, he'll make it happen. He will pursue you. If he doesn't, he's not interested in making you a priority, and he never will be.

It's a hard pill to swallow, I know. It took me forever to take that medicine.

If he wants to see you, and can't make it happen, well then... what type of proactive partner is he going to be? Not much. If you want to be the one doing all the work in the relationship, if you want to run the show, make all the decisions, then by all means... chase away, and make it easy for him.

But you know what? You deserve to be chased. You are a beautiful, sensual, desireable woman, and you deserve someone who is going to make you a priority.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Thanks. I think the biggest thing I noticed about OLD is the crazy messages men send to you as a stranger. Half those things I wouldnt expect in a full blown relationship much less trying to get to know someone. I have a great sense of humor so most of them just make me laugh. But its really eye opening how pathetic some of the lines are!!! What happened to just asking a normal question?


OMG, it's like trying to find a sane needle in a haystack of crazy sometimes.

ETA: Welcome to the other side, bkyln--we have cookies!


----------



## Jellybeans

bkyln309 said:


> I noticed about OLD is the crazy messages men send to you as a stranger. Half those things I wouldnt expect in a full blown relationship much less trying to get to know someone.
> 
> What happened to just asking a normal question?


"Normal questions" have now been replaced with "d!ck pics." If you haven't had the pleasure yet... I'm kidding. No, but I am serious, actually. Some guy send the grossest things and totally offside things on those sites!



FeministInPink said:


> I agree.
> 
> Moxy, if a guy wants to see you, he'll make it happen. He will pursue you. If he doesn't, he's not interested in making you a priority, and he never will be.
> 
> It's a hard pill to swallow, I know. It took me forever to take that medicine.
> 
> If he wants to see you, and can't make it happen, well then... what type of proactive partner is he going to be? Not much. If you want to be the one doing all the work in the relationship, if you want to run the show, make all the decisions, then by all means... chase away, and make it easy for him.
> 
> But you know what? You deserve to be chased. You are a beautiful, sensual, desireable woman, and you deserve someone who is going to make you a priority.


Everything FIP said, 100%. If I could ilke this 100 times, I would. Because she is SPOT ON. :iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> "Normal questions" have now been replaced with "d!ck pics." If you haven't had the pleasure yet... I'm kidding. No, but I am serious, actually. Some guy send the grossest things and totally offside things on those sites!


OMG, so true!!! Stupid, unsolicited, fvcking d!ck pics!!! I do NOT understand how, in what alternate universe, these guys think this sort of thing is OK after only exchanging a few messages. I guess, along the way, it worked with ONE chick, and so now they think it's the way to get laid???

Don't get me wrong, I'm as visual as the next woman, and if I'm involved with someone, it wouldn't bother me... but a rando guy from an online dating site, with whom I've only had what would be the equivalent of grocery store checkout line small talk? You wouldn't whip it out while chatting up a woman in the grocery store checkout line, so don't send it!

When it comes to OLD, it seems like all social convention and manners go flying out the window.



Jellybeans said:


> Everything FIP said, 100%. If I could ilke this 100 times, I would. Because she is SPOT ON. :iagree::iagree::iagree:


Thanks


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hey there. I got some pics.. wanna see 'um? :FIREdevil:

Welcome bkyln309. I hope the amount of crazy here doesn't scare you off too quickly.


----------



## TooNice

bkyln309 said:


> Want to introduce myself. I am new to this site (or new to registering and posting).
> 
> I am a divorced mid life woman with two kids. Jumping into dating again after my divorce. Its been rather interesting doing the OLD thing. Seems like the men I click with and they with me turn out to be very different on major issues. I have kept it moving!! I think I will just date around for awhile for fun! But it does seem I attract a certain type of man who is very different on the same issues.


Welcome, bkyln! Nice to have you join us!


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> I agree.
> 
> Moxy, if a guy wants to see you, he'll make it happen. He will pursue you. If he doesn't, he's not interested in making you a priority, and he never will be.
> 
> It's a hard pill to swallow, I know. It took me forever to take that medicine.
> 
> If he wants to see you, and can't make it happen, well then... what type of proactive partner is he going to be? Not much. If you want to be the one doing all the work in the relationship, if you want to run the show, make all the decisions, then by all means... chase away, and make it easy for him.
> 
> But you know what? You deserve to be chased. You are a beautiful, sensual, desireable woman, and you deserve someone who is going to make you a priority.


:iagree:
Yes, yes...so perfectly worded! 

It's so hard for me to remember that piece at the end sometimes. 

"YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO IS GOING TO MAKE YOU A PRIORITY."

I think I'm going to stick that on a Post-it note on my mirror.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Hey there. I got some pics.. wanna see 'um? :FIREdevil:


Hmmm... are we involved?


----------



## Lone Shadow

That depends. Wanna see 'um? Sending out unsolicited pics is just trashy. Hafta ask first.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> That depends. Wanna see 'um? Sending out unsolicited pics is just trashy. Hafta ask first.


I get the impression that you really want to send them! :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> When it comes to OLD, it seems like all social convention and manners go flying out the window.


No, there are really just that many rude immature people out there. I haven't been OLD in almost a year and the people I meet in person, the "old fashioned way" it's just the same b.s. 

I think the fluoride in the water system is really dumbing down the majority of people out there. Ugh.


----------



## Lone Shadow

mmmmm. fluoridated water. Yes please.

No FIP, I really don't want to send them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> mmmmm. fluoridated water. Yes please.
> 
> No FIP, I really don't want to send them.


ha ha, congrats, you passed my sh!t test  

:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Going to try to vent less, been having mood swings this week.

I seem to suffer more PMS than my GF


----------



## Ynot

vi_bride04 said:


> I think the fluoride in the water system is really dumbing down the majority of people out there. Ugh.


Ever see the movie Idiocracy?


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> No, there are really just that many rude immature people out there. I haven't been OLD in almost a year and the people I meet in person, the "old fashioned way" it's just the same b.s.
> 
> I think the fluoride in the water system is really dumbing down the majority of people out there. Ugh.


Almost makes one not want to date at all...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

So I received an offer letter this morning. At first glance, "hey! alright!" And... then I looked a little closer. So they send me an offer letter, I respond with a rejection letter. 

After 3 phone interviews, they were able to cut and splice around the edges in order to meet my salary requirement. But at this point in my life, and career, benefits are as important as salary, and the bennies just aren't there.

10 days PTO/yr? B!tch please. And the cost for family medical is substantially more than double my current cost for medical+dental.


----------



## vi_bride04

Mmmm at a great local brewery and the hot bartender is flirting with me ....


----------



## Lone Shadow

No VI! Don't succumb to the bartender's wiley-ways. Flirt with us instead.


----------



## vi_bride04

You guys won't get me laid


----------



## Lone Shadow

Eh. We shouldn't be responsible for your sex life. But having said that, I'm looking to build a harem, and happen to have an opening or 2... :FIREdevil:


----------



## vi_bride04

I don't share, a haram wouldn't work for me


----------



## Lone Shadow

That's ok. Enjoy your bartender toy.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm at another bar, he wasn't biting


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well, I bite. Shame you're so far away. Did I mention I have a Harley?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Well, I bite. Shame you're so far away. Did I mention I have a Harley?


Uh-oh, you broke the thread


----------



## Lone Shadow

I know. Nothing I can do about it. I'm too sexy for the thread.:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Oh no, the sexiness has got to you too?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I must have overwhelmed the thread with my sexiness. I have crossed into the realm of "unapproachable," and have since scared everyone away by the overwhelming force of the sexiness that radiates from me 24/7.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I must have overwhelmed the thread with my sexiness. I have crossed into the realm of "unapproachable," and have since scared everyone away by the overwhelming force of the sexiness that radiates from me 24/7.


You're just too much manly sexiness for the thread. Too much raw sexual energy


----------



## Lone Shadow

Tell me about it. Sometimes I even overwhelm myself with my raw sexual energy. I might need to be put on ice for a while before I'm safe to return to the thread.


----------



## RandomDude

Having your balls on ice is a great idea
Careful not to stand up too quick though


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah. Being stuck to that block of ice when you go to stand up would be a hell of an eye opener.


----------



## moxy

That would definitely be painful!

Hello everyone. I've been busy at work the last few days and not online. 

No text from Mr. Avant Garde, but I will think about texting him to ask him out for coffee when I'm in the city next time. The more I think about it, the more it seems worth a try on my part.!I don't think he's that interested anymore or he would've replied, but as I tend to err on the side of being withdrawn and reserved, I'm willing to try being more obvious. Mr. Translator is sweet, and claims to really be into me and to miss me, but, he's too busy or just wants to be casual. Neither of these things makes me overly delighted. So, I've just been channelling my energy into work. All that being emotional and randomly sad has, thankfully, passed for now.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hurray for no more random sadness. And sure, next time you're in the city, I'd love to go out for coffee.


----------



## FeministInPink

Really? Well, that's interesting... good luck to everyone trying to meet someone, then...

Only 3% of American singles are worth dating

Personally, I find their criteria/methods to be highly subjective, and arbitrary requirements that might rule out someone who would otherwise be a great partner. And it leaves out things like, is this person an assh0le, or does this person know someone he refers to as "my dealer"?

(Yes, I was asked out by someone who would have met all this article's criteria, who also happened to be an assh0le and has a dealer on speed-dial. I turned him down.)


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm an assh0le. I don't deny it. I'm actually quite proud of it at times. Equal opportunity offender.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I'm an assh0le. I don't deny it. I'm actually quite proud of it at times. Equal opportunity offender.


You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> That would definitely be painful!
> 
> Hello everyone. I've been busy at work the last few days and not online.
> 
> No text from Mr. Avant Garde, but I will think about texting him to ask him out for coffee when I'm in the city next time. The more I think about it, the more it seems worth a try on my part.!I don't think he's that interested anymore or he would've replied, but as I tend to err on the side of being withdrawn and reserved, I'm willing to try being more obvious. Mr. Translator is sweet, and claims to really be into me and to miss me, but, he's too busy or just wants to be casual. Neither of these things makes me overly delighted. So, I've just been channelling my energy into work. All that being emotional and randomly sad has, thankfully, passed for now.


Foxy moxy, don't sweat it... not every guy that shows an initial interest is going to end up being into you for reals. And that has nothing to do with whether you're withdrawn and reserved, or if you're the life of the party. Just do YOU and be true to yourself, and you'll attract someone who values what you have to offer, and he just may find your quiet nature intriguing and mysterious, and endlessly interesting. Don't try to be something you're not, because that's impossible to keep up in the long term, and it's not good for you emotionally/psychologically.

And don't worry about the momentary bout of sobbing/sadness. It just sounds like you had some pent-up sh!t that needed to get out.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


Inconceivable!


----------



## ne9907

I love your spirit Moxy!!

I still get occasional sunrise texts from Navy.

Lone--- most guys who self proclaim to be *******s are far from that!
An "*******" friend, new guy actually, send me a song by Blue October "calling you"
Because he said the song reminds him of me. Not very ******* like behavior
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Dammit Ne, stop trying to blow my cover.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Totally OT here, but we are on page 900 for this thread! (well, for MY settings, its 900 lol!)


----------



## Lone Shadow

I haven't tweaked settings at all for pages. So for those who don't tweak settings, it's page 1800.


----------



## moxy

1350 on my settings. 

I need to make some changes in my life. I liked what my life was like before I fell in love and married and it all fell apart into something weird, but...nostalgia makes us remember things better than they were, I guess. Now, I sometimes feel like I'm seeking to fill that space and my dating choices have reflected the status who instead of the ideal. I suppose that's why it's so unsatisfying. Every day, I'm discovering the ways in which I changed to accommodate a relationship and domestic life back then and haven't undone yet. It's hard to undo those things, to channel energy into the right places. And, being alone isn't the best way to see those habits of action and expectation, either. Today, I'm thinking about how I can stop compromising so much and be a little more...myself, again. I had a nice day with family, and now I'm relaxing for a while before I start preparing for the work week ahead. Here's to some positive thinking!!


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> 1350 on my settings.
> 
> I need to make some changes in my life. I liked what my life was like before I fell in love and married and it all fell apart. Every day, I'm discovering the ways in which I changed to accommodate a relationship and domestic life. It's hard to undo those things, to channel energy into the right places. Today, I'm thinking about how I can stop compromising so much and be a little more...myself, again.


It's amazing, isn't it, when we discover/realize how much of ourselves we gave up, for the sake of a bad/unhealthy relationship? Systematically breaking off little pieces of yourself and sacrificing them to Cupid on the altar of Love.

It can take a long time to get those pieces back and become whole again, and for each person, the process is different.

A healthy relationship will require compromise, of course, but it won't require sacrificial bits of your soul.


----------



## Lone Shadow

It's easy enough to do, I think. You just have to exercise some will power. Make a commitment to yourself, to not compromise yourself.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> It's easy enough to do, I think. You just have to exercise some will power. Make a commitment to yourself, to not compromise yourself.


It may be that easy for you. You have a lot of willpower. But our society conditions/trains women to be self-sacrificing in order to please men, and to put our needs/selves last before those of our families (parents/siblings/spouses/children). It's a type of social brainwashing that can be very difficult to overcome, and it takes a lot more than just sheer willpower.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm not going to challenge your stance, because I can't hope to claim any experience from your point of view. 

What I can say is what I have learned. An outsider looking in at the events of my life could very easily come to the conclusion that I've had a karma bulls-eye painted on my forehead from day 1. With all the experiences that I have had, everything that I've lived through, I have learned that any obstacle can be overcome through a consistent, dedicated application of willpower. When you slack off on that application, you give the bad sh!t a chance to catch up and overwhelm you. But if you're consistent, you beat the bad sh!t back before it has the opportunity. This doesn't lessen the frequency with which bad sh!t tries to insinuate itself into your life, it just immensely increases your odds of a positive outcome.

This is me, this is my _self._ I will not compromise my _self_ for any reason. That is my goal. Consistent, steady application of willpower will aid me in that goal.


----------



## moxy

There is a difference between compromising yourself at the core and compromising aspects of your life in order to settle or conform. I'm not a conformist, but I am very adaptable, and I generally will sacrifice things to make the people I care about (even a little) happy. When that attitude bleeds into one's ideation about what is and isn't possible, social conditioning becomes damaging. The positions of privilege will see it as easy to avoid, and in most societies, men do have privileged positions. Undoing an internalized, oppressive ideology, locating that which separates the self from the social is less about compromising one's self and more about recognizing the consequence of long habits of compromise on the idea of what is possible. I don't think I've compromised who I am, but I've compromised my potential without even seeing it. Most women do. Some women come to address it, but some never want to...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow, I think that you are an exceptionally strong person. A lot of people would have collapsed at the pressure/weight of all the obstacles you've come across in your life, and would have resigned themselves to playing the victim. But you've refused to do that, and it says a lot about your willpower and strength of character.

But what moxy and I are talking about is _very_ different from what you're talking about. This aspect is a very gendered experience; what moxy and I are talking about is an almost universal, shared female experience, derived from systemic social bias and expectations in terms of relationships, whereas your experiences are unique to you (and they are definitely unique!).

I appreciate your respect for the different perspective.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I get that, but I don't see it as being entirely different. How much can you conform or compromise, without it being considered a sacrifice of self?


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> There is a difference between compromising yourself at the core and compromising aspects of your life in order to settle or conform. I'm not a conformist, but I am very adaptable, and I generally will sacrifice things to make the people I care about (even a little) happy. When that attitude bleeds into one's ideation about what is and isn't possible, social conditioning becomes damaging. The positions of privilege will see it as easy to avoid, and in most societies, men do have privileged positions. Undoing an internalized, oppressive ideology, locating that which separates the self from the social is less about compromising one's self and more about recognizing the consequence of long habits of compromise on the idea of what is possible. *I don't think I've compromised who I am, but I've compromised my potential without even seeing it.* Most women do. Some women come to address it, but some never want to...


It's very insidious, and it often happens without us seeing it... in our society, women are often expected to do the compromising, because of the misguided cultural belief that a man who compromises is weak. So we frequently do it without realizing it... and when we refuse to compromise, or even question whether or not we should be compromising in a situation, we risk being labeled as "indecisive" or "over sensitive" or some other such nonsense, because we dare have a different opinion than a man. (This applies to more than just romantic relationships.)

Sometimes, we just let it go because it's not worth the trouble... and those little things chip away at us. It's hard to be a strong woman. It's incredibly hard. Because it feels like you're fighting All. The. Time. And it's exhausting.

For a while, I decided that I was just done with relationships altogether. It was just easier for me to be myself and to be alone. It was lonely, but at least I was free to be me and wasn't expected to compromise for anyone. I refused to pursue any men at all, and even the few who pursued me during that time period seemed to expect me to compromise what I wanted in favor of what they wanted.

At that point, I realized that it would take an exceptional man to wrangle a commitment out of me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I get that, but I don't see it as being entirely different. How much can you conform or compromise, without it being considered a sacrifice of self?


I wish I knew. I'd be a rich woman then.

I think it's a question of 1) whether or not the conforming/compromising makes you a better version of yourself, and 2) whether or not the conforming/compromising is given freely, from a place of love (and not out of a feeling of obligation or guilt).


----------



## Lone Shadow

I can see your points 1 and 2 being good. Along with this bit from Moxy:


> I don't think I've compromised who I am, but I've compromised my potential without even seeing it.


To me, compromising your potential is a compromise of self.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> what moxy and I are talking about is an almost universal, shared female experience, derived from systemic social bias and expectations in terms of relationships


I agree, and what's irritating is when you overcome large obstacles like being orphaned after being abused/tortured/neglected and so on and so forth and then people say you did okay because you were a woman and could get benefits because you had kids, or you must have benefitted in a divorce and that's why you did so well in the end.

Nobody says, oh, you were in the military and got an education and took care of your health (mental and physical) from the get-go and sacrificed in your young adulthood to get a graduate degree from an Ivy League and developed your skills, and invested in real estate wisely and saved money for a rainy day and thus had confidence in yourself even when you were brain injured and could walk away from a bad relationship with kids in tow and say "f*ck it, I'll do okay". 

Nope, overcoming obstacles is so much easier when you're a woman. Has nothing to do with ability/willpower. Just spread em and succeed. :rofl: That's how us women get our promotions and awards, 100% of them apparently. 


Yes, it is social conditioning. 

Women cannot even get legitimately angry in our society without scaring people or being accused of having PMS or their period. F*ck that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Has nothing to do with ability/willpower. Just spread em and succeed. :rofl:


OMG! I KNEW IT!

Screw male privilege. You see the female privilege going on here?!:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> OMG! I KNEW IT!
> 
> Screw male privilege. You see the female privilege going on here?!:smthumbup:


Typical male, taking what we say out of context 

:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

See? I can be counted on.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> OMG! I KNEW IT!
> 
> Screw male privilege. You see the female privilege going on here?!:smthumbup:


 
Argh, my little damaged brain is missing something...
I'm not understanding your question/comment.
Need some splainin' please.


----------



## Lone Shadow

No worries HNU. I was quoting you out of context, in a very chauvinistic attempt at making a funny.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Oh, well I was wrong. It's not just about spreading. It's about blowing too. See, even females can forget about how it's not always about the vagina (but it's always about the penis).

How's that for an attempt at a joke :-| 
Bad, bad, bad.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Oh, well I was wrong. It's not just about spreading. It's about blowing too. See, even females can forget about how it's not always about the vagina (but it's always about the penis).
> 
> How's that for an attempt at a joke :-|
> Bad, bad, bad.


:smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> It's very insidious, and it often happens without us seeing it... in our society, women are often expected to do the compromising, because of the misguided cultural belief that a man who compromises is weak. So we frequently do it without realizing it... and when we refuse to compromise, or even question whether or not we should be compromising in a situation, we risk being labeled as "indecisive" or "over sensitive" or some other such nonsense, because we dare have a different opinion than a man. (This applies to more than just romantic relationships.)
> 
> Sometimes, we just let it go because it's not worth the trouble... and those little things chip away at us. It's hard to be a strong woman. It's incredibly hard. Because it feels like you're fighting All. The. Time. And it's exhausting.
> 
> For a while, I decided that I was just done with relationships altogether. It was just easier for me to be myself and to be alone. It was lonely, but at least I was free to be me and wasn't expected to compromise for anyone. I refused to pursue any men at all, and even the few who pursued me during that time period seemed to expect me to compromise what I wanted in favor of what they wanted.
> 
> At that point, I realized that it would take an exceptional man to wrangle a commitment out of me.


I really needed to read this conversation tonight. I dropped something off at my ex's today, and the OWs car was parked outside. It was the first time I've encountered the physical reality of her, and was disappointed in how my emotions took over. I've had a flood of negative thoughts, including many about how much it sucks that I gave so much only to have to start over while he gets to settle into his lovely new life. 

It's so helpful to read what's in this thread today. It's not me. What I did was normal: the sacrifices I made, the love I gave. I fought so hard, and yes, it was exhausting. Thank you for the reminder that we don't have to settle. We don't have to compromise outside of what feels right. 

Thanks to all of you for these great insights. ❤


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice, I'm so glad to know that this was helpful for you.

*hugs*


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice, if my part of the conversation was no help, I don't know what to say. 

But if it was a help, well then....

_***nekkid hugs***_


----------



## TooNice

Shadow, so many parts of the last few pages were helpful for where I found myself tonight. The gender part of it is a big piece, and something that I can really identify with, too. My ex "protected" me, and made sure I got through certain parts of life to ensure I'd be ok on my own, in his eyes. But in the meantime, he has no idea what he stripped from me in allowing me to care for him and our family while he clinically prepared to send me on my own. So that said... 



moxy said:


> I liked what my life was like before I fell in love and married and it all fell apart into something weird, but...nostalgia makes us remember things better than they were, I guess.


And this...



FeministInPink said:


> It's amazing, isn't it, when we discover/realize how much of ourselves we gave up, for the sake of a bad/unhealthy relationship? Systematically breaking off little pieces of yourself and sacrificing them to Cupid on the altar of Love.
> 
> It can take a long time to get those pieces back and become whole again, and for each person, the process is different.
> 
> A healthy relationship will require compromise, of course, but it won't require sacrificial bits of your soul.


And this...



Lone Shadow said:


> When you slack off on that application, you give the bad sh!t a chance to catch up and overwhelm you. But if you're consistent, you beat the bad sh!t back before it has the opportunity. This doesn't lessen the frequency with which bad sh!t tries to insinuate itself into your life, it just immensely increases your odds of a positive outcome.
> 
> This is me, this is my _self._ I will not compromise my _self_ for any reason. That is my goal. Consistent, steady application of willpower will aid me in that goal.


There's more, but these parts of the conversation were some bits that jumped out to me.

And of course, _nekkid hugs_.


----------



## moxy

Not all compromise is bad, of course. I was in love, once, and when I made those choices, I felt happy. The result is a different matter. However, I made a number of decisions for the good of my relationship rather than for, say, the good of my self. My ex-h was, thankfully, incredibly supportive of my life's goals and dreams, most of the time, but when his goals and dreams were threatened or complicated, when his convenience or complacency was shadowed by reality, when protecting his secrets became more important to him than the reality of our experience, the balance struck between us had little to do with the genuine happiness of either of us and compromises were devoid of the relevant signification. If my ex-h had not made me profoundly happy, at some point, he could not have made me profoundly sad; but, when I began to think in terms that were not solely my own, when consideration shifted the pace or direction of my path-walking, it was expected that I would do so and when he has to do so, it was met with an unvoiced resentment born of the displacement of the privilege of dominance so often granted unconsciously to men by cultural expectations. Making choices with only my self in mind is somehow less burdensome. I do sometimes wish I had someone to come home to, or someone to fvck spontaneously without planning things, or some structure of intimacy that encompassed rather than encountered my days. I stopped believing I could meet someone who had all the qualities I wanted. I believed that settling was necessary. I believed that had to stop changing my mind all the time...but, really, why be fixed in place when being full of possibility is on the list of options? Easy to forget.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> It's very insidious, and it often happens without us seeing it... in our society, women are often expected to do the compromising, *because of the misguided cultural belief that a man who compromises is weak. * So we frequently do it without realizing it... and when we refuse to compromise, or even question whether or not we should be compromising in a situation, we risk being labeled as "indecisive" or "over sensitive" or some other such nonsense, because we dare have a different opinion than a man. (This applies to more than just romantic relationships.)


I'm not disagreeing, I just wanted to expound on this particular bit. It's interesting isn't it? A man who compromises is seen as weak (or beta, whipped, etc) and yet we're told that these are extremely unattractive qualities in the end. That all women want the alpha omega ruler of all blah blah blah. (yes I'm purposefully exaggerating this). It's an interesting dichotomy to me.


----------



## TooNice

Moxy... I couldn't agree more.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

TheGoodGuy said:


> A man who compromises is seen as weak (or beta, whipped, etc) and yet we're told that these are extremely unattractive qualities in the end. That all women want the alpha omega ruler of all blah blah blah. (yes I'm purposefully exaggerating this). It's an interesting dichotomy to me.


I think you're right. Many women do not want to make decisions, because when the decisions go bad (as some do) they'd prefer to blame the man. 

An easy going man in a relationship is often seen as being passive or disinterested. 

But no worries, I see it as a filtering mechanism. The women who want the alpha will move on, the woman (only one) who has fond what she wants, an equal, will remain.

Then there are the folks who really want/prefer the unbalanced power in a relationship, tilting either way. For them, that works.

But I think society is trending away from that.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I'm not disagreeing, I just wanted to expound on this particular bit. It's interesting isn't it? A man who compromises is seen as weak (or beta, whipped, etc) and yet we're told that these are extremely unattractive qualities in the end. That all women want the alpha omega ruler of all blah blah blah. (yes I'm purposefully exaggerating this). It's an interesting dichotomy to me.


TGG, I think it's really interesting that you bring this up, and an excellent point. Our culture is obsessed with seeing things in black/white, and so... if compromise is seen as being weak (which it is, because our culture expects women doing the compromising, and women are viewed in the pejorative: weak, emotional, lesser, other), then to compromise is "unmanly" and something an alpha would never do. 

But, what is an alpha, really? An alpha is a strong person, someone who is a natural leader, someone who is confident in his abilities, but who also recognizes his weaknesses and works to improve on them. And what does a good leader do? (In different terms, what does a good manager do?) A strong leader doesn't lead by bending others to his will, and his will doesn't solely focus on his own best interests; the will of a strong leader is based on the best overall interests of the team, and he values the opinions of his team members, even if he doesn't agree at the outset, and he is open to new ways of looking at things and other possible solutions. And, when the best interests of the team are in conflict with his own best interests, he looks for a solution/compromise to make it work--he doesn't plow ahead at the detriment of the team.

That's compromise, and there's nothing weak or beta about that.

I think the REAL difference between alpha and beta is this: action and inaction. The alpha makes things happen in his life, and the beta plays the victim (he lets things happen to him). The alpha is a leader, and the beta follows.

I actually think that the refusal to compromise may be more of a beta thing, because a beta lacks the self-confidence to be ok with being wrong. Of course, a beta may go about it in a more passive-aggressive way (as did my XH, lol), but ultimately, I don't think a beta is willing to consider another view, because that might challenge their comfortable role as victim.

But honestly, I also think that the alpha/beta identification system is very limiting... falling into line with black/white thinking.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think you're right. Many women do not want to make decisions, because when the decisions go bad (as some do) they'd prefer to blame the man.
> 
> An easy going man in a relationship is often seen as being passive or disinterested.
> 
> But no worries, I see it as a filtering mechanism. The women who want the alpha will move on, the woman (only one) who has fond what she wants, an equal, will remain.
> 
> *Then there are the folks who really want/prefer the unbalanced power in a relationship, tilting either way. For them, that works.*
> 
> But I think society is trending away from that.


This is true... and there are some alpha women who prefer to be with a beta guy, and it works for them.

The Alpha Woman Meets Her Match, a book by Dr. Sonya Rhodes and Susan Schneider

I took the quiz, and it said that I would be best matched with a beta, which I heartily disagree with... so I agree with your statement that society may be trending away from unbalanced power in relationships. I see happy relationships that are both balanced and unbalanced, so I think it depends more on the individuals than on anything else.


----------



## moxy

I do better with men who will let me take the lead in life, but who will fight me for power in the bedroom and win it. That is, I prefer a man who is strong and in command, but who is secure enough in himself to trust and respect me. Generally, that translates into someone with a lot of physical prowess who values my intellectual pursuits and eccentricities (I am definitely odd). There's a huge difference between leadership (what we call "alpha") and control.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> TGG, I think it's really interesting that you bring this up, and an excellent point. Our culture is obsessed with seeing things in black/white, and so... if compromise is seen as being weak (which it is, because our culture expects women doing the compromising, and women are viewed in the pejorative: weak, emotional, lesser, other), then to compromise is "unmanly" and something an alpha would never do.
> 
> But, what is an alpha, really? An alpha is a strong person, someone who is a natural leader, someone who is confident in his abilities, but who also recognizes his weaknesses and works to improve on them. And what does a good leader do? (In different terms, what does a good manager do?) A strong leader doesn't lead by bending others to his will, and his will doesn't solely focus on his own best interests; the will of a strong leader is based on the best overall interests of the team, and he values the opinions of his team members, even if he doesn't agree at the outset, and he is open to new ways of looking at things and other possible solutions. *And, when the best interests of the team are in conflict with his own best interests, he looks for a solution/compromise to make it work--he doesn't plow ahead at the detriment of the team.*
> That's compromise, and there's nothing weak or beta about that.
> 
> I think the REAL difference between alpha and beta is this: action and inaction. The alpha makes things happen in his life, and the beta plays the victim (he lets things happen to him). The alpha is a leader, and the beta follows.
> 
> I actually think that the refusal to compromise may be more of a beta thing, because a beta lacks the self-confidence to be ok with being wrong. Of course, a beta may go about it in a more passive-aggressive way (as did my XH, lol), but ultimately, I don't think a beta is willing to consider another view, because that might challenge their comfortable role as victim.
> 
> But honestly, I also think that the alpha/beta identification system is very limiting... falling into line with black/white thinking.


This is how I like to lead my team at work as well. The manager before me was very much the opposite, and I can see the weight has been lifted from their shoulders. 

My ex was unwilling to compromise in our marriage, at least to do so without extreme resentment. I'll give you an example. She was very impulsive and grasped at anything as the silver bullet that would finally make her happy. So she would want to go on a $5000 vacation out of the blue, and when I wanted to compromise down to something more in line with our finances at the time (maybe just a weekend away costing a few hundred), I was seen as unreasonable, boring and predictable. "You never want to take a chance on something fun for our family" Boy she made some fantastic leaps of logic. Eventually I would overcome the impulsiveness and we would agree that we shouldn't blow the savings on a whim, but not without her hating me on the inside. 

ETA: The funny thing is I'm in much better shape financially now (a couple of promotions and not having an ex who was terrible with money for the last 2 years), and there probably will be some nice expensive vacations in my near future.. Oh the irony!


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> I do better with men who will let me take the lead in life, but who will fight me for power in the bedroom and win it.


See, there ya go. I like a woman who is strong enough to fight back. :whip: 

:smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Just had lunch with a wonderful gal I met through a neighbor. Let's call her Funny Gal for the purposes of the thread, since everyone gets a nickname right? Very witty/funny like me, very cute, seems to have her stuff together. Will be scheduling another one soon. Wish me luck!


----------



## ne9907

i had a strange converstation via text with navy last night. 
1. He asked me to join him in a town, 5 hours away, he is at school for two months there.
2. He told me, "It is always funner when you are with me" I am not a fun person, I told him as much, he got pissy.
3. I told him that next time he wants to invite me somewhere, he needs to make it a priority and not a last minute idea. He agreed.
4. Not sure if he was inviting me to come down this weekend, or last night.... I am being stupid. It was obviously not last night since he knows where I live and that I work every day.

anyway
I am going hiking this saturday with a bunch of friends to a beautiful coastal mountain range!!!
Cant wait!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Have fun hiking. Forget about navy. Completely.


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> Have fun hiking. Forget about navy. Completely.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Healer

I just got a text out of the blue from lovergirl (who I broke it off with back in October). "Hey. I've been thinking about you, Otis Redding and that living room chair...I'd like to see you again sometime. Interested?"

Oi. She was the best lay so far for sure. Man we had great sex. I am not going to do it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Have fun hiking. Forget about navy. Completely.


I would like to second this motion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Just had lunch with a wonderful gal I met through a neighbor. Let's call her Funny Gal for the purposes of the thread, since everyone gets a nickname right? Very witty/funny like me, very cute, seems to have her stuff together. Will be scheduling another one soon. Wish me luck!


Yay!!! Have fun, and don't take it too seriously. Just enjoy yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Brain is fried... 

Feels like I'm being pushed forward while struggling to push back. GF trying to open up pandora's box, shareholders pushing me for growth and expansion, partners throwing more jobs at me despite my branches being at full capacity, no chance of delegation of my role without a prodigy, divorce soon to be finalised, daughter still living in denial at the split, counselling sessions not helping, ex hasn't moved on...

If this doesn't get better, probably should break it off. Not in a good time of my life when it comes to all this sh-t put together. GF's a great girl, but my fire isn't there. Emotions have made everything too complex and I'm just not used to it after years since separation. To this day she's only seen the good sides of me, none of my worries she has felt, because I don't lay them on her.

I'm not ready to share my life with anyone. Looks like another broken heart on the way, I'm done after her, all I ever fking do is break hearts. Ex hasn't moved on, I damaged her, she should be in a LTR by now, she deserves that much. Is this her revenge? Guilt?

Yeah, said I wasn't going to vent anymore but sorry guys, this is the only place either than counselling I can vent. Don't mind me, just need to write it out...

/end vent


----------



## moxy

RD, it's okay to just hang back and let things be for a while, to put your relationship on the back burner while you sort out other stuff. You don't have to break things off prematurely. Life sounds stressful and that happens sometimes, but you don't need to start cutting everyone off because life is tough. Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> RD, it's okay to just hang back and let things be for a while, to put your relationship on the back burner while you sort out other stuff. You don't have to break things off prematurely. Life sounds stressful and that happens sometimes, but you don't need to start cutting everyone off because life is tough. Just breathe.


I fully agree with moxy. Cutting GF out because other stuff is stressing you out is, frankly, stupid. She cares about you and could be a great source of support if you would just tell her what's going on in your life. Keeping her at arm's length and refusing to let her know about other stressful sh!t in your life is doing both of you a great disservice. If you open up and confide in her, I bet she would back off on some of the stuff she's doing that is contributing to your stress. Because she doesn't KNOW that it's stressing you out, because you're not TELLING HER. You're not even giving her a chance to be a good partner; you're setting her up to fail, and that is grossly unfair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

I didn't reply last night to lovergirl. This morning, I get another text saying "this is no strings attached btw, I'm over my post separation attachment, no weirdness..." etc etc. Not sure if I just don't respond or tell her I'm seeing someone. I'm concerned I'll cause her hurt if I tell her that, as she'll think "well why not me?".

Would you ladies want to know that?


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I didn't reply last night to lovergirl. This morning, I get another text saying "this is no strings attached btw, I'm over my post separation attachment, no weirdness..." etc etc. Not sure if I just don't respond or tell her I'm seeing someone. I'm concerned I'll cause her hurt if I tell her that, as she'll think "well why not me?".
> 
> Would you ladies want to know that?


It's not your job to protect her feelings. Just say, "Thanks, but no thanks--I'm seeing someone now. Wish you the best."

It's not her because the fit wasn't right. If she can't understand it, that's her problem, not yours.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> It's not your job to protect her feelings. Just say, "Thanks, but no thanks--I'm seeing someone now. Wish you the best."
> 
> It's not her because the fit wasn't right. If she can't understand it, that's her problem, not yours.


:iagree: Yep, let her know. If it were me, I would want to know.


----------



## ne9907

Yes Healer, even if all she wants is NSA, please tell her how you feel. 


FYI! MY COWORKER IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

I asked her to buy me a pack of cigs from town and bring to work this morning, she DID NOT!! She forgot


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> I didn't reply last night to lovergirl. This morning, I get another text saying "this is no strings attached btw, I'm over my post separation attachment, no weirdness..." etc etc. Not sure if I just don't respond or tell her I'm seeing someone. I'm concerned I'll cause her hurt if I tell her that, as she'll think "well why not me?".
> 
> Would you ladies want to know that?


I'm gonna flip this around for the guys...

I just got a text yesterday from a casual hookup from over 6 months ago. Hung out maybe twice. He texts "hey pretty lady what's new with you" then another text about an hour later "btw this is so and so, you may not remember me but you were nice to me and I remember that about you" (too bad he couldn't remember my name)

I'm not planning on texting back at all. Guys, would you want a text back? I just feel it ain't worth my time or energy to respond.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm gonna flip this around for the guys...
> 
> I just got a text yesterday from a casual hookup from over 6 months ago. Hung out maybe twice. He texts "hey pretty lady what's new with you" then another text about an hour later "btw this is so and so, you may not remember me but you were nice to me and I remember that about you" (too bad he couldn't remember my name)
> 
> I'm not planning on texting back at all. Guys, would you want a text back? I just feel it ain't worth my time or energy to respond.


Nah. No response is good enough. I'd get the hint.


----------



## Healer

OK guys - Valentine's Day. Guitar Girl is coming over Friday night (sleepover implied), then Saturday we are going out. This will be dates number 6 and 7, we've had 1 sleepover before.

What do I get her? I brought her flowers on our last date, which was also the first time we slept together. I should acknowledge the day, but don't want to go over the top. Thoughts?


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm gonna flip this around for the guys...
> 
> I just got a text yesterday from a casual hookup from over 6 months ago. Hung out maybe twice. He texts "hey pretty lady what's new with you" then another text about an hour later "btw this is so and so, you may not remember me but you were nice to me and I remember that about you" (too bad he couldn't remember my name)
> 
> I'm not planning on texting back at all. Guys, would you want a text back? I just feel it ain't worth my time or energy to respond.



He couldn't call you by name or even remember your name? My attitude would be, "next and there is the exit..." In my case, she could be the hottest woman I met, but life is too short for this level of disrespect. Yes, I consider it disrespectful to not address someone by their name.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> OK guys - Valentine's Day. Guitar Girl is coming over Friday night (sleepover implied), then Saturday we are going out. This will be dates number 6 and 7, we've had 1 sleepover before.
> 
> What do I get her? I brought her flowers on our last date, which was also the first time we slept together. I should acknowledge the day, but don't want to go over the top. Thoughts?


Don't ask me, I think Valentine's Day is the biggest bullsh!t holiday ever conceived. I told my Guy that maybe two weeks ago, and made it clear that I didn't expect anything for V-Day. I'm not sure if he believed me. He made a joke about buying me a pack of Rolos.

But if she's a normal woman (in other words, if she's not like me), you should probably do _something_. But nothing too crazy... you don't want to set the bar too high for potential future V-Days.

If she's sleeping over Friday night, breakfast in bed on Saturday/V-Day might be a nice surprise.


----------



## FeministInPink

Or, hey... you could get her one of these:

Say what's on your heart with #MuslimVDay cards.

(If she has a sense of humor.)


----------



## RandomDude

She's too young and inexperienced, best case scenario is her giving me the benefit of the doubt - as she'll never understand. We're not on the same wavelength in several matters, its due to upbringing. In time sure, but not now, she's not ready for it, nor am I ready to deal with all this crap at once.

Meh, I don't know what to do, wish I can confide in her, I truly do, too early for it.


----------



## Lifescript

Bride, 

I say no reply. Especially if he doesn't remember your name.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> She's too young and inexperienced, best case scenario is her giving me the benefit of the doubt - as she'll never understand. We're not on the same wavelength in several matters, its due to upbringing. In time sure, but not now, she's not ready for it, nor am I ready to deal with all this crap at once.
> 
> Meh, I don't know what to do, wish I can confide in her, I truly do, too early for it.


That's unfortunate, RD. Sounds like she was a good choice for a FWB and/or a short-term GF, but maybe not for something more serious.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> She's too young and inexperienced, best case scenario is her giving me the benefit of the doubt - as she'll never understand. We're not on the same wavelength in several matters, its due to upbringing. In time sure, but not now, she's not ready for it, nor am I ready to deal with all this crap at once.
> 
> Meh, I don't know what to do, wish I can confide in her, I truly do, too early for it.


I think you are creating problems were there are none. Who are YOU to say what she can or cannot understand, or what she isnt ready for? Sounds to me like you are making excuses to try and make things easier on yourself because you are afraid.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you are creating problems were there are none. Who are YOU to say what she can or cannot understand, or what she isnt ready for? Sounds to me like you are making excuses to try and make things easier on yourself because you are afraid.


Or, you know, what 3x said...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

If you can't confide in her and you're making apriori decisions for her about what she can and can't handle, maybe she's better off without you. 

I don't agree with the apriori decision making for other people and over-censoring what you 'allow' them to deal with. 

But if that's what you're comfortable with then I understand that. However, if you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always got...STBXW, part time presence of daughter, STBXGF...

Honestly, give these people some credit for being able to manage their emotions. They're not going to break! They won't hate you! They are the people closest to you, don't think for one minute they can't see straight through you. You keep saying they have no clue...you are wrong. They just adore you so they put up with it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Healer said:


> OK guys - Valentine's Day. Guitar Girl is coming over Friday night (sleepover implied), then Saturday we are going out. This will be dates number 6 and 7, we've had 1 sleepover before.
> 
> What do I get her? I brought her flowers on our last date, which was also the first time we slept together. I should acknowledge the day, but don't want to go over the top. Thoughts?


It's Valentine's Day, she's sleeping over and you're taking her out for dinner. You think you should do more? 
It sounds special to me.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Or, hey... you could get her one of these:
> 
> 
> 
> Say what's on your heart with #MuslimVDay cards.
> 
> 
> 
> (If she has a sense of humor.)



Oh, I love these so much!!!

By the way, do you follow this writer's other projects?

In my opinion, a card is always a nice gift, this kind or another kind Is good.


----------



## Ikaika

My idea of a Valentine's Day, couples workout


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Oh, I love these so much!!!
> 
> By the way, do you follow this writer's other projects?
> 
> In my opinion, a card is always a nice gift, this kind or another kind Is good.


I just found this on a fluke. I'll have to check out her other stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> My idea of a Valentine's Day, couples workout


I approve this message.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Sure she knows I'm holding back, but I've given her enough to satisfy her curiousity - for now at least.

I can't expect her to understand what it's like to be a divorcee or a father, nor do I expect her to understand what it's like to run her own business, nor do I expect her to understand the depths and roots of my personality/triggers when her upbringing/life experience was completely different.

In time sure, but remember, we only became BF/GF like, over a month ago. You can't expect us to be as open as an "ideal" married couple at this stage can you? Especially considering our differences, it would be foolish to confide in her at this point. This is a time for honeymoon, and right now I have too much sh-t in my life to provide that for her.

One thing is clear though, we were great as FWBs, but maybe not BF/GF - we have alot of differences, differences that were easily ignored when our relationship was simply sex. This just isn't the right time too, alot of stress is piling up. 

I want her to think of our time fondly, it's better to break up on a good note, then to break up later on a bad note, polluting the good times we shared since last year.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> OK guys - Valentine's Day. Guitar Girl is coming over Friday night (sleepover implied), then Saturday we are going out. This will be dates number 6 and 7, we've had 1 sleepover before.
> 
> What do I get her? I brought her flowers on our last date, which was also the first time we slept together. I should acknowledge the day, but don't want to go over the top. Thoughts?


Healer, here's the perfect gift. Maybe with, I dunno, cupcake sprinkles. :smthumbup:

:rofl: :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

RD, in reading your posts, I can't help but think that you are your own drama triangle. Sort of like the snake eating it's own tail. This is a pattern of behavior that you are going to have to break. You can work on breaking it by extending a little trust to your GF. Tell her what's going on, she will surprise you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lone Shadow said:


> *RD, in reading your posts, I can't help but think that you are your own drama triangle. Sort of like the snake eating it's own tail. This is a pattern of behavior that you are going to have to break.* You can work on breaking it by extending a little trust to your GF. Tell her what's going on, she will surprise you.


He's not the fondest of having that brought to his attention.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Healer, here's the perfect gift. Maybe with, I dunno, cupcake sprinkles. :smthumbup:
> 
> :rofl: :rofl:


Now I want cupcakes. Thanks, Lone Shadow. :/


----------



## ne9907

RD--- I think you are freaking out a lot about the state of your relationship. I also feel you are developing strong feelings for your girlfriend. It is okay to feel this way, heartache is very damaging to the soul but you must take chances, it is part of being human.


----------



## Lone Shadow

06Daddio08 said:


> He's not the fondest of having that brought to his attention.


Nobody is, but when introspection fails, we sometimes need an outside viewpoint in order to see clearly.


----------



## Jellybeans

Multi-daters - how do you choose?


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Multi-daters - how do you choose?



Sorry couldn't help it

http://youtu.be/UBQzmPRQ8ck


----------



## RandomDude

I have my limits on juggling, right now I can't deal with her + everything else at the moment. It's never about who I trust - it's about what I trust them to do. 

She's a great girl, and she's trustworthy in many aspects, but I know she won't understand at this point. Not to mention some problems are between me and my ex as we finish what we have started, we also have to deal with our daughter.

As for having a drama triangle, it's either we end on a good note or allow drama in the relationship by pushing forward regardless of all the warning signs that this is just going to end badly. I'm trying to break the cycle by ending it before it begins.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Multi-daters - how do you choose?


< biggest bewbs.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Multi-daters - how do you choose?


I've never long-term multi-dated. I've always felt that multi-dating should really only apply to chatting up multiple people, and the first few dates, until I meet someone who I want to date exclusively. At that point, the others seems to fall away organically... I'm not inclined to invest time in others at that point.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> < biggest bewbs.


Ha ha, not based on sparkling wit or shining personality?


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> Sorry couldn't help it
> 
> http://youtu.be/UBQzmPRQ8ck


Which is funny, because after you posted that, I did do a coin toss. And started giggling.



Healer said:


> < biggest bewbs.


None of these guys has bewbs. I am the one with the biggest boobs!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Which is funny, because after you posted that, I did do a coin toss. And started giggling.


Did you call it in air? Otherwise it does not count 







Jellybeans said:


> None of these guys has bewbs. I am the one with the biggest boobs!



That would be a "decision maker" if they any of them did. 


http://youtu.be/VyD8hkSbCRs


----------



## Jellybeans

I did


----------



## bkyln309

Im multi-dating but I can say the pickings have been slim. Not too many people I would want to get past the next few dates with. 

I might be doing a meet up tomorrow with a guy. He is supposed to get back in town tonight so who knows. Its all tentative at this point. Im not sure how I feel about him. In his profile he seems geniune. Some of our texting has been questionable. I cant read him properly. I cant decide if he thinks he going to hit this or I am too puritanical for him? He also hasnt asked much about me. He has texted mostly about himself. So who knows. I dont have the warm fuzzies about this one.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Im multi-dating but I can say the pickings have been slim. Not too many people I would want to get past the next few dates with.
> 
> I might be doing a meet up tomorrow with a guy. He is supposed to get back in town tonight so who knows. Its all tentative at this point. Im not sure how I feel about him. In his profile he seems geniune. Some of our texting has been questionable. I cant read him properly. I cant decide if he thinks he going to hit this or I am too puritanical for him? He also hasnt asked much about me. He has texted mostly about himself. So who knows. I dont have the warm fuzzies about this one.


Give it a chance, and see what happens. When people are nervous, they either clam up OR they talk incessantly about themselves. Some people just aren't as good with online communication, but are great in person; others seem great online but are duds in person. The point is, you never know. Meet up with him, and who knows? You might have great chemistry. Anything could happen 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

It's decided guys, going to break up tonight. This has to happen, whatever the future holds, it's up to fate to decide. Maybe in a few months if everything is sorted out with my business, ex, and daughter, when I'm ready for it, and if she's still around, then sure.

Wish me luck, it's going to be difficult, not looking forward to it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> It's decided guys, going to break up tonight. This has to happen, whatever the future holds, it's up to fate to decide. Maybe in a few months if everything is sorted out with my business, ex, and daughter, when I'm ready for it, and if she's still around, then sure.
> 
> Wish me luck, it's going to be difficult, not looking forward to it.


Good luck. If it were legal to give you some sedatives, I would have offered. Sounds very stressful, but sounds stressful if you don't too. Have you thought about what you will do on Valentine's Day? You should make a plan for yourself, so you won't obsess after the fact...


----------



## ne9907

Good luck RD.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Good luck, RD... whatever happens, you'll be OK. You've already been through worse sh!t. You can handle this.


----------



## RandomDude

Thanks, I have more than enough to keep me busy though I guess, should take my mind off the pain. More concerned about her.


----------



## Lifescript

Good luck RD. Breakups are tough. She'll probably not understand it. But you are being honest which is always good.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Best of luck RD.


----------



## TooNice

Thinking healing thoughts for you all, RD.


----------



## RandomDude

Well... sure hurts like sh-t now. Rough start but she handled it well towards the end, at least in front of me. I stayed with her to give much closer as I could. Told her everything. She understood, at least enough to realise I'm not going to change my mind.

Myself, spent last few hours staring at my phone, message logs... *sigh* first night always the hardest... will be better in the morning I hope. I hope she'll be alright...


----------



## RandomDude

If there needed to be any sign, tonight I realised that what we had was real, and I just threw it away.

Have to focus, get over this and sort out my life in the coming months. Then maybe... I don't know... I would like to believe that there's still hope for us in the future, she told me she'll never forget... but they all say that.

Have to let go


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> One thing is clear though, we were great as FWBs, but maybe not BF/GF - we have alot of differences, differences that were easily ignored when our relationship was simply sex.





RandomDude said:


> I'm not ready to share my life with anyone.


Sometimes it's as simple as that. Good thing you recognized it before you were further in. I'm sorry, because no matter what, break ups suck. You will be fine. Like FIP said, you have been through worse sh*t than this Take time to regroup.


----------



## Lifescript

I sense some doubt. If she's a good girl, treats you well and can mature into the woman you want I don't understand why you broke up with her. 

Her being able to handle and kind of sit by the sidelines a bit while you deal with your life would have been a good test to see if she is an understanding person. But by the sound of it you didn't give her that chance. 

Just some thoughts ... you will get through it man.


----------



## RandomDude

It's because I'm not ready, regardless it's too late now. Moving on. 

Big day today, feeling better. Will be alright.


----------



## bkyln309

My meetup today is not happening. We texted last night but no word about meeting tonight. I havent heard from him today at all. Im just going to the gym instead and picking up the kids after. No big deal. Im not sure I am into him anyway.

I did meet another guy online last night. We will see how it goes. 

OLD is weird and fun all at the same time.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> My meetup today is not happening. We texted last night but no word about meeting tonight. I havent heard from him today at all. Im just going to the gym instead and picking up the kids after. No big deal. Im not sure I am into him anyway.
> 
> I did meet another guy online last night. We will see how it goes.
> 
> OLD is weird and fun all at the same time.


You could text him and ask him, but I get the feeling you're not really into it, LOL  And if he did the asking/suggesting that you get together, he should have confirmed with you last night. That shows that his interest is just lukewarm. If he's not showing a real interest in you, I think you're right in letting this fish go.

I read somewhere that with OLD, that for every 5 guys you talk to online, you only average one in-person meet... and for every 5 in-person meets, you may only get one second date. Etc, etc. So if you want to find an actual partner/girlfriend/boyfriend, you have to chat up a lot of guys. A LOT.

So, let's say that you would be willing to go exclusive with someone after 5 dates. Using the above logic, you would have to talk to over 3,000 guys online in order to find a boyfriend.

So... that might be a little hyperbolic, but you get the idea


----------



## FeministInPink

Looking at my previous post, I actually think one's odds probably improve with each progressive step. More like:

Chat w/ 5 guys online --> 1 in-person meet
5 in-person meet --> 1 second date
5 second dates --> 1 third date
4 3rd dates --> 1 4th date
3 4th dates --> 1 5th date
2 5th dates --> 1 guy to go steady with who asks if you want to get pinned :rofl:

Well... even using my formula, you'd have to talk to 3000 guys. 

Whatever. I really don't know what I'm talking about, anyway! :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

For my literary-minded friends on the Singles thread...

16 Hilarious Literary Valentine’s Day Cards

I dislike Valentine's Day, but I can't help thinking that some of this stuff is really adorable/clever.


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> If there needed to be any sign, tonight I realised that what we had was real, and I just threw it away.
> 
> Have to focus, get over this and sort out my life in the coming months. Then maybe... I don't know... I would like to believe that there's still hope for us in the future, she told me she'll never forget... but they all say that.
> 
> Have to let go



It seemed real. I'm sad for you both. I know I'm on the outside, but it sure seems like you are denying yourself and her the happiness that came from your relationship. Just because life is rough doesn't mean you have to let her go; you could just slow down, like wayyyy down. And, if you think there's a chance, you should talk to her before you guys walk too far down separate paths. For what it's worth, I think you guys had a nice thing and I am really sad for both of you that you feel like you have to end it with her.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> For my literary-minded friends on the Singles thread...
> 
> 
> 
> 16 Hilarious Literary Valentine’s Day Cards
> 
> 
> 
> I dislike Valentine's Day, but I can't help thinking that some of this stuff is really adorable/clever.



This made me seriously happy.


----------



## motl

About 5 weeks ago I started talking to a new girl online. After a few messages on POF I got her number and we began texting every day. Some conversations would go on for hours and were some of the funnest text convos I've ever had. Simply put, she's amazing and we clicked in a way I've never clicked with a girl before. She loves all the stupid dorky things about me - in fact, we share many of them. We've discovered all kinds of crazy things/interests we have in common, and she's also commented on this connection we have. We seemed to hit if off immediately. We both couldn't get over how well we got along and how many truly cute and random things we had in common. 

The problem is, we've had trouble actually meeting in real life.

Within 2-3 days I scheduled a date for January 13th. That morning she texts me and asks if we can reschedule for the weekend because she's really sick. I knew her roommate was just getting over a cold, so I agreed and we kept chatting. We texted that night so I don't think she blew me off to do something else. We texted all week but she still wasn't over the cold on Friday (stayed home from work with a fever), so we unofficially postponed again. 

Fast forward to the next week. Everything is normal and we're having a fantastic conversation on a Tuesday night. I tell her I want to see her that week and ask when she's free. After a long delay between texts, she suggests Friday. We resume our chat and she goes to bed shortly after. Wednesday night I text her and tell her I have a cool idea for an interactive date (we'd previously agreed to coffee but hadn't addressed what the plan was for this date). This was during a conversation around 8PM and I never heard from her again. Thursday morning she texts me when she's up and asks for details. I give them to her and we don't text much during the day. She finally confirms she'd prefer coffee since her week was long and tiring. Thursday night we text a bit and I make a firm suggestion of a time and place and never hear from her again. 

Next morning she texted me when she woke up and seemed to confirm the plans. Again we didn't text much during the day, but she did tell me that a coworker called in sick so she'd have to work until 5:30 instead of 1 as planned. Our plans were for around 7:30. Around 5:30 I text her to see how her day went and she tells me she isn't finished yet, and I hear back around 6:45 that she's on her way home. Fast forward and not too many texts until around 8:30 when she texts to say she is "so sorry about tonight" but that she got home around 8, ate and showered but still isn't near ready. I text back asking her if she'd still like to meet or if we should do something Saturday instead. I never heard back. The next day I finally hear from her in the afternoon and she tells me that she'd had some homemade wine that her roommate brought home and they both got really sick that night. I was annoyed and upset, but ultimately I still liked her a lot.

This past weekend was our most recent attempt. Things seemed a bit different throughout the week - we talked consistently and SHE was the one to bring up making plans numerous times. We settled on coffee Saturday night after she was done babysitting her niece. At around 5:30 she texts me to tell me her sister's plans were different than she thought and that they might not be back until late, but suggested I could come there for coffee around 9. I agreed and asked her to text me to come. Problem was that she couldn't figure out when they'd be home. Her sister didn't know before leaving and the Casino show they were seeing didn't have a duration listed on the website. Around 9:00 her sister texted her and said they should be home within the next hour or so, so girl told me that I could pick her up after. Long story short, we kept in touch but they didn't get home until after midnight and the plans were ruined again.

The next morning and ever since this girl has been back on POF after not really being on it for about a week. I waited a while to text her that Sunday because I was frustrated, but when I did she said she was really happy I did and apologized twice for what happened. She specifically stated she wants to try again and promises to make sure it happens. 

But after a great day of texting Sunday and Monday evening, the last two days have been little texting. Last night I texted her around 5PM to make plans for Saturday and she didn't respond. I know she was near her phone because I saw her on POF (note: I don't care if she's on the site, but I was annoyed that she was choosing to not answer my text). She finally texted me at 1PM today to ask how my day was going (she knew I was giving notice at work today) but did not address my plans text. I guess it's possible she didn't get it, but I'm not sure. I have not yet texted her back. 

I realize this is a massive wall of text. I also realize most people will tell me to walk away because this girl seems pretty flaky. I agree completely, but I can't shake how much I like her ... and we haven't even met. I've never connected with someone like I have with her. I can be my true self and she really likes it, and she's told me the same for her. As recently as Sunday or Monday she was still saying things that made it clear she's interested.

So it's been nearly 6 weeks and we haven't met. I don't think she lied when canceling dates, but it seems to me we'd have met by now if she really wanted to. I'm wondering now if she's losing interest or something, but up until 2-3 days ago the content of her texts didn't suggest that at all. Maybe she's just nervous or never wanted to meet at all. I could just blow her off, but I honestly hate the idea of going through all this and never meeting ... never seeing if things click in person or where this might go.

Perhaps some here have dealt with similar unfortunate 'textationship' situations. Any advice?

Sorry for the novel.

Edit: By chance I did see her in real life once. We happened to be in the same place last month but didn't have time to stop and chat or anything. So I know she's real and does look like her profile pics.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> This made me seriously happy.


I thought you would like it, moxy!


----------



## FeministInPink

Holy novella of a post, motl! :rofl:

But seriously... I know you really like this girl, but you need to stop putting all your eggs in one basket. You haven't even met her in person yet, and people who are great on paper (or online) don't always turn out to be great IRL.

I had a similar situation with a guy in Nov/Dec... we seemed to hit it off online, but it was a nightmare to try to get together. Something ALWAYS came up on his end. When we finally got together, the IRL chemistry just wasn't there, and I decided I didn't want to see him again. And when I told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him romantically, he turned into a Stage 5 Clinger Nice Guy. After we got together but ONCE.

I digress, but I told you that to tell you this: unless she can get her act together, you need to stop investing time and energy into this girl, because she's clearly not doing the same. You can't necessarily expect people to respond to texts right away/immediately, because people have jobs, lives and whatever, but someone who's into you isn't going to leave you hanging, either. And if they really want to see you, they're not going to make tentative plans with you on the same evening they have something else going on, a something else which will inevitably throw off plans with you.

Either she's not really into you, she's decided she's into someone else MORE, or she's playing games. Cut back on engagement with her, and see what else is out there. You're so worried that you might miss your chance with this one girl, that you are forgetting that while you're focused on a girl who's not really as into you as you thought, while you might be missing the actual woman of your dreams in front of you in line at Starbucks.

You're putting all your eggs in one basket, but there's a hole in your basket, and all the eggs are falling out and breaking SPLAT! on the ground. Stop doing that. Because soon you'll have nothing but broken eggs, and they're really hard to clean up.


----------



## Lifescript

Delete the number and move on. She's not interested man. If she was she would have met you long time ago. Not only that, she would have changed her plans to meet you or cancel on other people to meet you. And I'm sorry to say but she lied when canceling plans. Too many excuses and last minute hiccups. And she's back on POF. Means she's looking for another guy. Sorry bro.

My guess is that you showed neediness at some point. Was she texting you first or you? Were you replying right away?


----------



## motl

Pretty sure I wasn't needy at all. I was always careful to make sure first contact was split. Some days it was her and some it was me. I almost never sent a second text if she took a while to reply and just waited for her to resume the convo. Sometimes I'd reply within a few minutes and sometimes a few hours, which matched her habits. I'm entirely confused by the whole thing because it felt like I was scoring big points often. 

And I know focusing on one is stupid. In fact, I wasn't really. I met another girl since we started chatting but didn't click. I've spoken to 5-8 online but lost interest in them all. None were as fun to talk to as this one girl.

The entire thing has become one big mind ****.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

motl said:


> The entire thing has become one big mind ****.


I think you're onto something there...
And, she's pretty good at it, too. Apparently.


----------



## motl

I know. I guess I've just never experienced this and didn't expect it at all. She definitely seemed genuine and I know she wasn't lying about this past Saturday. 

I just don't get why she would go through all the trouble. And even today she messaged me (ignoring my text to plan) when she could have just completed the blow off. I can't read her at all And hate that i spent 5 weeks getting attached and will probably never meet.

Whatever. I guess I'll just cut my losses and if she decides to message me to plan something, I will tread carefully. Messages about anything else and I'll just keep ignoring.


----------



## Lifescript

She's addicted to attention. That's all she wanted from you.


----------



## motl

I know you are probably right.

But it all seemed mutually great. So many common interests, and dorky little things we both liked or experienced. Anyway, I know I just have to figure out how to not care anymore.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

motl said:


> I She definitely seemed genuine and I know she wasn't lying about this past Saturday.
> I just don't get why she would go through all the trouble. And even today she messaged me (ignoring my text to plan) when she could have just completed the blow off. I can't read her at all And hate that i spent 5 weeks getting attached and will probably never meet.


She is probably (a) manic and (b) disorganized.
And because of both, has no sense of time.

She is probably genuine, and very honest. But this is how she is, and yes, it's unfathomable (and hence the mind ***ing) but the bottom line is that people with various mental illnesses are going to be out there wanting to date or to connect with other people just the same as anyone else. Don't expect her to have any insight into your feelings, or her behavior. 

She might also be passive aggressive and trying to provoke you, subconsciously or not. 

In any case, why treat yourself this way by pursuing her? If you feel this good connecting with someone with shared interests, go find another person who has shared interests and is actually willing to share them, and then you will feel super good instead of just standing outside the candy shop counting your spare change, with the door shut and locked.


----------



## Lifescript

Something similar happened to me recently motl. Not as bad as this. I went out with the girl several times but she wanted me as backup. I showed her that wasn't my plan and so she stopped texting. But before she did she texted all the time and seemed interested. But I knew it wasn't true interest. And so I let her go.


----------



## Shoto1984

motl

Isn't it crazy how much feeling you can have for someone you've never actually met? I think most people who have done the online dating thing for awhile has had a somewhat similar experience. I think there is some percentage of online daters who crave the attention but don't really need/want anything more then the emails/texts etc. In the end the online stuff is a volume game and the minute someone shows you who/what they are you believe them and say ....next!


----------



## motl

Shoto1984 said:


> motl
> 
> Isn't it crazy how much feeling you can have for someone you've never actually met? I think most people who have done the online dating thing for awhile has had a somewhat similar experience. I think there is some percentage of online daters who crave the attention but don't really need/want anything more then the emails/texts etc. In the end the online stuff is a volume game and the minute someone shows you who/what they are you believe them and say ....next!


It's definitely something I never expected. 

I started dating again last spring and have used online to meet people for the most part. I've had a bunch of first dates, a few seconds, and a girlfriend that lasted a few months. In none of those instances did I bond with the girl significantly before meeting - at least not to the point where I'd put up with something like this. Sure I was disappointed a few times when I was blown off or strung along, but it was easy to just ditch them and move on.

I didn't expect to meet someone I could generate this kind of chemistry with over text. I know it's not real chemistry because it's not real life, but it can still feel that way. After texting someone every day for 5-6 weeks, it's also like the end of a mini relationship to let it go ... especially to let it go without it actually getting a real chance.

I think I'll definitely be better at reading the signs in the future. I knew what was happening as it happened, but I just liked her enough to give her a few extra chances. Normally I'd have been gone after the second cancelled date.

She and I finally spoke again tonight and had a nice conversation, the best one in a few days. But in the middle of it I changed the topic to this weekend. She told me she is busy on the day I suggested, but offered an alternate day. We didn't make specific plans yet, and I'm not getting my hopes up. I look at this as her final chance and I'm ready to ditch her if she flakes one more time. If she doesn't flake and we do meet, then I will still need to gauge what I can tolerate going forward if her behavior isn't different after meeting (I suppose it's possible she's just very nervous to meet, although unlikely). 

At the same time I followed up with two girls on Tinder and set up a date with one for Sunday and the possibility of a date with another (if she doesn't go out of town - long weekend here). So basically I've moved this one girl to just an option and I'll see what happens. I'm just assuming the worst and because of these events I'm already emotionally pulling away in case this is it. I know it's stupid of me to have spoken to her again and entertain the idea of one more chance, but I think I'm OK with putting myself out there just one more time while also pursuing other girls. It's almost principle at this point - to actually meet this damn girl lol. But I'm making peace with the idea that she might blow it and I'll have to move on and learn from this when texting someone new in the future.

Edit: To clarify, I've also significantly decreased my texting over the past few days to match hers. Going forward, I'm basically not going to respond/chat about anything until a date is set and even then I'll probably stay withdrawn until we actually meet. That way it'll also be easier to bail if needed.


----------



## Lifescript

Next time she texts you you respond by saying hey what's up when are u free to meet?

That's it. No texting about anything else. If she says she's busy or flakes again delete the #. Better yet block her from your phone.


----------



## vi_bride04

Shoto1984 said:


> motl
> 
> Isn't it crazy how much feeling you can have for someone you've never actually met? I think most people who have done the online dating thing for awhile has had a somewhat similar experience. I think there is some percentage of online daters who crave the attention but don't really need/want anything more then the emails/texts etc. In the end the online stuff is a volume game and the minute someone shows you who/what they are you believe them and say ....next!


Never wiser words spoken. It's crazy the person you can think someone is vs reality. What's even crazier is the emotional attachment that develops for that person as you think they are even if they show you otherwise.


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> Never wiser words spoken. It's crazy the person you can think someone is vs reality. What's even crazier is the emotional attachment that develops for that person as you think they are even if they show you otherwise.


Have heard lots of stories ... a friend of mine developed very intense feelings for a woman he was chatting with on FB. He went overseas to visit her and it just wasn't the same in person. That's why some people say talking online is useless. Get them in person ASAP.


----------



## vi_bride04

I no longer do the online dating thing... Just seems like a lot of drama and needless energy.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> ..... And when I told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him romantically, he turned into a Stage 5 Clinger Nice Guy. After we got together but ONCE.


OMG! You.. You validated a Nice Guy?! Now he's going to think that being a Nice Guy is how the world is supposed to work. Can you imagine the clinginess that he is going to take into his next relationship? How could you?!:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> OMG! You.. You validated a Nice Guy?! Now he's going to think that being a Nice Guy is how the world is supposed to work. Can you imagine the clinginess that he is going to take into his next relationship? How could you?!:rofl:


I know, I know!!! SMH. But I'm pretty sure he already thought the world worked this way before he got to me 

And if he's lucky, he'll find someone just as clingy the next time around. :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Just as clingy? You would really wish that on someone? For shame.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Just as clingy? You would really wish that on someone? For shame.


I'm not wishing it on him... clingy does well with clingy. A woman who is clingy will eat up what he has to offer, and he'll get all the attention that he wants. (ETA: And she'll be willing to put up with his BS, because she has no self-respect.)

It's not a curse, it's a prediction


----------



## FeministInPink

PS I never claimed to be a nice person.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Evil woman. Evil.


----------



## ne9907

Out celebrating a friends birthday. I am a bit drunk 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> It seemed real. I'm sad for you both. I know I'm on the outside, but it sure seems like you are denying yourself and her the happiness that came from your relationship. Just because life is rough doesn't mean you have to let her go; you could just slow down, like wayyyy down. And, if you think there's a chance, you should talk to her before you guys walk too far down separate paths. For what it's worth, I think you guys had a nice thing and I am really sad for both of you that you feel like you have to end it with her.


Thanks but it's for the best. She needs her space as I need mine. I've hardened today so I'm fine. Anyway now isn't a good time to second guess myself, I have to take control of my present and future instead of having it rule me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Evil woman. Evil.


Hmm... I don't recall you complaining the other night...  :FIREdevil:


----------



## ne9907

I am ... that close from booking my Machu Picchu trip! Work/vacation time/deadlines is making the entire proccess so difficult!!! 

I hope Id have everything ironed out by this afternoon! Oh.... no Inca trail trek for me


----------



## Jellybeans

Happy early Valentine's Day, everyone!


----------



## Ikaika

Judging a middle school and high school science fair today. Have done this for a number of years. Seems there are equal numbers of nerdy females as males


----------



## Jellybeans

Have fun, Judge Ika! You have to tell us which science project wins!


----------



## bkyln309

Ok my meetup guy called last night and apologized for "forgetting" to plan our meet. He said he is in management training and its consuming him. I was like whatever. He wanted to meet tonight but I had plans. He did ask if I was dating anyone else. I said yes I am. He denies he is seeing anyone else. He says Im way too busy to get with more than more woman at a time. But the guy hasnt committed to another day. Im thinking he is either a major player or just too busy to really date anyone. I did tell him I am not committing to anyone until I get to know them. 

So I am planning a date with the other guy. Im not totally sold on this guy either but at least he is upfront about dating other people and he planned a meet up.


----------



## Jellybeans

Yes go out with the guy who actually planned something with you.
Good on you for being straight with meet up guy. And GOOD for saying you're not committing w/o knowing someone. I mean, DUH. 

I hope you have a good time with the guy you go out with.


----------



## TooNice

Oh my gosh. One week before my court date now. And I stumbled upon the perfect song. Don't listen with small ears around. Or if you have a distaste for f-bombs. 

It's a thing of beauty, IMHO.

http://youtu.be/H5htnVA8_JE

My Valentine's gift to you. You are welcome.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Oh my gosh. One week before my court date now. And I stumbled upon the perfect song. Don't listen with small ears around. Or if you have a distaste for f-bombs.
> 
> It's a thing of beauty, IMHO.
> 
> http://youtu.be/H5htnVA8_JE
> 
> My Valentine's gift to you. You are welcome.


Love the song, thanks for sharing!


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Have fun, Judge Ika! You have to tell us which science project wins!



This one little guy, simple project, but wow, articulate and the sales pitch. 

Room full nerds.


----------



## RandomDude

I despise V-day... that is all

/end vent


----------



## Lone Shadow

Happy VD. Don't forget your penicillin.


----------



## vi_bride04

Vday ain't nothing but another day


----------



## RandomDude

1) If someone is depressed, they're living in the past...
2) If someone just doesn't give a sh-t, they're living in the present...
3) If someone is stressed, they're living for the future...

Looks like I went from #1 to #3 to #2, what you guys think of this little theory?



vi_bride04 said:


> Vday ain't nothing but another day


Yeah with people farting out lovey doveys everywhere


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Yeah with people farting out lovey doveys everywhere


Meh, who cares what other people do. Vday is just another day.


----------



## daddymikey1975

vi_bride04 said:


> Meh, who cares what other people do. Vday is just another day.


This!


----------



## Lifescript

Question for the ladies: What would you tell your son or younger brother about how to be successful with women, how to make them fall in love and how to keep them, not lose them? A friend called me last night. He just broke up with his live in gf who he's been with for ages. They were even talking about marriage. This guys is alpha but very giving and from the outside it looked like he provided her with the stuff women say they want all the time: security, fun, travel, flowers, acts of love, etc. 

Why is it that some women give good guys the boot? Some are unstable and have issues but others dont. 

I see that the jerks keep them longer and these women can't get out of those relationships for some reason. It's true that nice guys finish last a lot of times in relationships. 

Waiting to hear some wisdom from the ladies here on this subject. 

Like you hear women say all the time they want a guy who is sweet (flowers/poems/acts of love) but they lose interest when they have them.


----------



## daddymikey1975

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies: What would you tell your son or younger brother about how to be successful with women, how to make them fall in love and how to keep them, not lose them? A friend called me last night. He just broke up with his live in gf who he's been with for ages. They were even talking about marriage. This guys is alpha but very giving and from the outside it looked like he provided her with the stuff women say they want all the time: security, fun, travel, flowers, acts of love, etc.
> 
> Why is it that some women give good guys the boot? Some are unstable and have issues but others dont.
> 
> I see that the jerks keep them longer and these women can't get out of those relationships for some reason. It's true that nice guys finish last a lot of times in relationships.
> 
> Waiting to hear some wisdom from the ladies here on this subject.
> 
> Like you hear women say all the time they want a guy who is sweet (flowers/poems/acts of love) but they lose interest when they have them.


I've been wondering this as well. Looking forward to replies from the TAM community.


----------



## RandomDude

Not a lady, but:

During the courting process, there needs to be baby steps and consistent but steady progress. The saying goes "slow and steady wins the race". When you give everything to a woman too early, then she has nothing left to win - she already has everything but may yet have invested into the relationship the same way. See - many women hold out; so guys will stick around longer than one bang, end up falling in love, etc etc. Once emotions kick in, once the man is invested, it's harder for him to leave. But even that is not enough - note that this isn't something restricted to genders. 

In a way, I also feel my ex-GF gave me too much, presented too little of a challenge, hence she ended up more invested than I. Think of it as a dance, when you move one step forward, she moves one step back, when you move one step back, see if she moves one step forward, if not then realise she's not invested - instead of making another step forward, tripping over her and ruining the dance.

Lots of people simply don't know how to dance. That's it. It's not a game, it's simple "self-respect" in some ways, like if you give someone 100%, and if they give 20%, and yet you keep giving 100%, then you give them a subconscious impression that you don't respect yourself enough + unable to give your spouse space/room to pursue you themselves (impression of insecurity) + they can continue to invest merely 20% and get the full package. 

This, from my perspective, is why nice guys finish last. As men/women get older they stop caring about the dance and more about peace/stability - as I was with my ex-GF (I didn't dump her because she didn't dance, I'm simply not ready). The best bet is to remember the saying "slow and steady wins the race"










Also note: some people just can't dance but you can still make them dance, culture can play a big part in this. For example, with a certain culture I dance "one step forward, one step back" like a tennis match, with another culture, it's "two steps forward, one step back", like a hook/bait.


----------



## Lifescript

RD, 

I agree with what you've said. it's always better when people feel they earned your love. If you just give it to them, they question the worthiness of your love. 

I'd like to know what the ladies think. Assuming attraction is mutual ... why is it that a guy can give a girl love and affection and still lose? Do women respond better when they are nor sure about the man's love? 

Almost makes you wonder if is best to hold off the love sometimes.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies: What would you tell your son or younger brother about how to be successful with women, how to make them fall in love and how to keep them, not lose them? A friend called me last night. He just broke up with his live in gf who he's been with for ages. They were even talking about marriage. This guys is alpha but very giving and from the outside it looked like he provided her with the stuff women say they want all the time: security, fun, travel, flowers, acts of love, etc.
> 
> Why is it that some women give good guys the boot? Some are unstable and have issues but others dont.
> 
> I see that the jerks keep them longer and these women can't get out of those relationships for some reason. It's true that nice guys finish last a lot of times in relationships.
> 
> Waiting to hear some wisdom from the ladies here on this subject.
> 
> Like you hear women say all the time they want a guy who is sweet (flowers/poems/acts of love) but they lose interest when they have them.


I don't think there's any kind of one-size-fits-all answer to this question, except that sometimes people grow together, and sometimes they grow apart. A long-term relationship is something that requires ongoing nurturing, and not everyone is capable of that, regardless of gender. And no two relationships are alike, because each relationship is comprised of two individuals, who are unique, and it takes both people putting in the effort to keep the relationship going.

I don't know that there is anything your friend could have done to keep that relationship with his girlfriend, because she made the choice to leave. She decided that it wasn't right for her anymore, and none but her will ever really know the reason why.

(As an aside, I think he dodged a bullet. Better that it happen before they are married, before there are kids involved, and before they are both miserable and don't see any way out. Now he has the opportunity to find a woman who is a more suitable partner for him, because she obviously wasn't. If she was, she wouldn't have left.)

Many of us did everything that we could have done to save our former marriages, and that still wasn't enough. Because it takes both people making an effort and caring about the outcome in order to save a failing relationship.

The fact of the matter is that no matter how well you get to know someone, no matter how long you've been together, you'll never be able to know them completely. There's always a part of your partner that you'll never know and understand, because you can't live inside their skin, you can't know their feelings about everything, and you don't have the knowledge of all their past experiences. Even if they've told you every last detail of their childhood traumas, their adult failures and triumphs, you'll never really know, because it happened to them, and not to you. It's that part, the part you'll never fully know, that you have to blindly trust and have faith in; because that's the part, the part you don't know, that could ultimately choose to end the relationship.

There's certainly something to knowing how to attract a woman and to keep her (happy), but it's just as important to know how to choose a suitable partner. Not only someone you love, but also someone who you can trust, someone you can count on. So many people are looking for those feelings of love, and they get so swept away that they forget about the more rational component of choosing a partner. Others solely focus on finding a sensible, rational choice of partner, so much that they forget about the love and passion part, and they deeply regret it later. Both are equally important.

The question, _how to be successful with women, how to make them fall in love and how to keep them, not lose them?_ is the wrong question to ask. First, you can't *make* someone fall in love with you. Either someone falls in love with you, or they don't. Second, you can't *keep* someone; it is that person's choice to stay with you, or not.

A man can do things to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex, and by being true to himself and by focusing on his emotional health and maturity, he will be more likely to attract someone who cares for who he is, and someone who has enough emotional intelligence to make her own healthy choices. But he can't make her love him, and he can't make her stay. Those choices are her own.


----------



## vi_bride04

LS, you are only hearing his side of the story, I'm assuming? You don't know what goes on being closed doors, he could be a total doormat with her and she lost respect. Or she could have crazy mood swings. Or maybe they don't communicate effectively.

Giving someone all the material things in life doesn't necessarily mean emotional needs are being met.


----------



## Lifescript

FIP,

Really liked your reply.

What you said about the part you don't know, the one you have to blindly trust, being responsible for ultimately ending the relationship is true. There's no way to know everything about another person. That's for sure. 

My friend is what we call an alpha guy. He's successful in his career, makes good money, has hobbies, etc. They looked very happy. When I was still with my ex and used to go out with them she looked like she was head over heels in love. 

Then a year or so ago he told me he had fallen in love and was thinking about having kids with her. Not sure why but things started going downhill from there. 

Have this happened to any of ya ladies? That a guy you were dating or were with fell in love and started being nicer, more giving and then you lost interest or sort of took advantage. 

My friend was complaining recently that she was going out a lot with some of her divorced girlfriends. I think that brought a lot of friction to it.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> The question, _how to be successful with women, how to make them fall in love and how to keep them, not lose them?_ is the wrong question to ask. First, you can't *make* someone fall in love with you. Either someone falls in love with you, or they don't. Second, you can't *keep* someone; it is that person's choice to stay with you, or not.


Ultimately, yes, you are correct. However, it bears mention that there are aspects involved in both winning and keeping hearts. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many threads on TAM in regards to "manning up" "NMMNG" etc etc. Not to mention easily noticable behavioural patterns in human courtship where one guy gets all the girls and the other guys just sit there jealous 

Alot of people still don't get it however in my opinion, as a result you have heartbroken men turning to copying the "ways of the a$$hole" in a rather amusing attempt to "up their game". When in the end they simply just have to learn how to dance.

Heh, Jerkshido: way of the A$$hole!



Lifescript said:


> RD,
> 
> I agree with what you've said. it's always better when people feel they earned your love. If you just give it to them, they question the worthiness of your love.
> 
> I'd like to know what the ladies think. Assuming attraction is mutual ... why is it that a guy can give a girl love and affection and still lose? Do women respond better when they are nor sure about the man's love?
> 
> Almost makes you wonder if is best to hold off the love sometimes.


I wouldn't say hold off, just - slow down 

Holding off can end up with problems of its own, for example, there was a thread a while back that mentioned in relationships one spouse can be "warmer" while the other is "colder", in reflecting my past relationship, GF and I were quite cold when we were FWBs, but when emotions got involved she was much warmer than I, while I still remained cold.

It was only a matter of time before she got sick of it. Another reason I dumped her before she reached that point. I'm not ready, hence can not give her what she sought in a relationship. In my case, it was more "slow with no progress" rather than "slow and steady"


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies: What would you tell your son or younger brother about how to be successful with women, how to *make them* fall in love and how to *keep them, not lose them*?


I'll slip on a dress and toss on a wig so I can answer this as a 'lady'.

You cannot make anyone fall in love with you ... you cannot make anyone stay (or 'keep' them). All you can do, is be yourself. Eventually you'll run into someone who actually accepts you for who you are ... or you don't.

There are far too many types of woman out there to give an actual solid answer to this. Everyone is different.

Sh!t. This dress is pretty comfy.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ultimately, yes, you are correct. However, it bears mention that there are aspects involved in both winning and keeping hearts. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many threads on TAM in regards to "manning up" "NMMNG" etc etc. Not to mention easily noticable behavioural patterns in human courtship where one guy gets all the girls and the other guys just sit there jealous
> 
> Alot of people still don't get it however in my opinion, as a result you have heartbroken men turning to copying the "ways of the a$$hole" in a rather amusing attempt to "up their game". When in the end they simply just have to learn how to dance.
> 
> Heh, Jerkshido: way of the A$$hole!


RD, I actually agree with everything you said! :rofl:

But seriously... I think the manning up and NMMNG goes a really long way in maintaining a relationship (someone once told me that NMMNG is kind of a guide to "giving good relationship"--which I thought was pretty accurate... and yes, I have read most of it), but it will only go so far. In most cases, that COULD be a cure-all. But ultimately, if your partner decides the relationship is really over, all the manning up and NMMNG in the world won't save it; she is still the one making the choice of whether she wants to stay or go.



RandomDude said:


> I wouldn't say hold off, just - slow down


Yes, yes, YES.

You can give a woman affection early on, she can know early on that she is important you... and that should be enough, early on. Any woman who expects LOVE right away (not to be confused with loving behavior) doesn't have an understanding of what real love is, and how it takes time to develop and grow.

I've only been in love once in my life. It took me a really long time to get there. I would question the sincerity--and emotional IQ--of anyone who jumped to LOVE too quickly. From my perspective, I see no need to rush. If I'm going to fall in love with somebody, I will wait for it to happen and not try to rush it, because if we're going to fall in love and be together for the long term, well then... we have all the time in the world to love each other, won't we? And the falling in love process then only happens that one time, and it's so lovely... why rush through it?


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> I'll slip on a dress and toss on a wig so I can answer this as a 'lady'.
> 
> You cannot make anyone fall in love with you ... you cannot make anyone stay (or 'keep' them). All you can do, is be yourself. Eventually you'll run into someone who actually accepts you for who you are ... or you don't.
> 
> There are far too many types of woman out there to give an actual solid answer to this. Everyone is different.
> 
> Sh!t. This dress is pretty comfy.


:iagree:

*Daddio hits nail on the head*


----------



## vi_bride04

Daddios response is perfect.


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> LS, you are only hearing his side of the story, I'm assuming? You don't know what goes on being closed doors, he could be a total doormat with her and she lost respect. Or she could have crazy mood swings. Or maybe they don't communicate effectively.
> 
> Giving someone all the material things in life doesn't necessarily mean emotional needs are being met.


Bride, 

He's not a doormat for sure. I had talks with her where she told me how much in love she was. I don't get it. Things started going bad when he fell for her. That's what puzzles me.


----------



## Lifescript

I agree with daddio that you can't make anybody stay. However, there are things a man can do to seduce a woman and ultimately have her develop feelings for you. There are also ways to make sure that doesn't happen which is what most nice guys do.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lifescript said:


> My friend is what we call an alpha guy. He's successful in his career, makes good money, has hobbies, etc. They looked very happy. When I was still with my ex and used to go out with them she looked like she was head over heels in love.
> 
> Then a year or so ago he told me he had fallen in love and was thinking about having kids with her. Not sure why but things started going downhill from there.
> 
> Have this happened to any of ya ladies? That a guy you were dating or were with fell in love and started being nicer, more giving and then you lost interest or sort of took advantage.
> 
> My friend was complaining recently that she was going out a lot with some of her divorced girlfriends. I think that brought a lot of friction to it.


You said before that they had been together a long long time, but now you're saying he only fell in love with her in the last year? Maybe from her perspective, she'd been waiting forever for commitment and it was too little, too late, or she felt she couldn't trust it to last.

Or, if his behaviour had changed in the last year with the 'love,' maybe it was the old him that she loved, not the new, 'nicer,' one. Did he expect her to behave differently to match his different behaviour?

Going out with divorced girlfriends is not a problem if the relationship is strong. Being jealous of divorced girlfriends and wanting to be single so she can have what they have means the relationship was troubled. If he was complaining about her going out with divorced girlfriends, that may have brought trouble to the relationship. He should have instead behaved in such a way that she didn't want to go out so much because staying home with him was better.


----------



## daddymikey1975

Lifescript said:


> I agree with daddio that you can't make anybody stay. However, there are things a man can do to seduce a woman and ultimately have her develop feelings for you. There are also ways to make sure that doesn't happen which is what most nice guys do.


What is it that most nice guys do to make sure a woman doesn't develop feelings? Do you believe they do this inadvertently?


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lifescript said:


> I agree with daddio that you can't make anybody stay. However, there are things a man can do to seduce a woman and ultimately have her develop feelings for you. There are also ways to make sure that doesn't happen which is what most nice guys do.


Yeah.......but.

It completely depends on what you are doing, man or woman. You make it sound like manipulation, and after my first marriage, if I even get a whiff now of anything that seems like an attempt at manipulating me, I'm outta there. It isn't only 'nice' guys who are manipulative.

To have (notice I don't say make) someone stay, you need to be someone worth staying with. Honesty and respect are a BIG part of that worthiness. I'm not going to seduce people into having feelings for me; I'm just going to be blunt and straightforward and see what happens.

Part two of that, of course, is that the other person has to also be honest, respectful and loyal in return.


----------



## Lone Shadow

daddymikey1975 said:


> What is it that most nice guys do to make sure a woman doesn't develop feelings? Do you believe they do this inadvertently?


They try to play the chameleon. The bad type of "Nice Guy," for the most part, doesn't know who he is. He isn't confident enough in himself to _be_ himself. He is under the impression that he has to be what she says she wants. He tries to make himself responsible for her happiness. He tries to fix things.

Being successful at work, having hobbies, etc, does not make a man "alpha."

Having the confidence in yourself, to be yourself, regardless of any outside pressure. Don't be an ass just to be an ass. Don't be c*cky for the sake of being c*cky. That is not confidence.

Having the confidence in yourself, to know that you are the prize, will attract a prize to you.

"Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness."


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> I agree with daddio that you can't make anybody stay. However, there are things a man can do to seduce a woman and ultimately have her develop feelings for you. There are also ways to make sure that doesn't happen which is what most nice guys do.


Again. You're thinking far too narrowly on a topic with such broadness. It's like the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon, some women are turned on by it and others think it's degrading. Then there's the group who honestly don't give a fvck about it, they have zero fvcks to give.

I think that the only default aspects you can look at are things like; self awareness, healthy boundaries, self worth etc ... those are the bread and butter to any relationship. Either those aspects between two people match up and you can form a mutual understanding / respect together, or ... you don't. Which means no relationship is feasible.

If two people don't line up on their core values, nothing will change that. Trying to convince someone otherwise or altering your own values will only last so long.


----------



## Lifescript

Hopeful Cynic said:


> You said before that they had been together a long long time, but now you're saying he only fell in love with her in the last year? Maybe from her perspective, she'd been waiting forever for commitment and it was too little, too late, or she felt she couldn't trust it to last.
> 
> Or, if his behaviour had changed in the last year with the 'love,' maybe it was the old him that she loved, not the new, 'nicer,' one. Did he expect her to behave differently to match his different behaviour?
> 
> Going out with divorced girlfriends is not a problem if the relationship is strong. Being jealous of divorced girlfriends and wanting to be single so she can have what they have means the relationship was troubled. If he was complaining about her going out with divorced girlfriends, that may have brought trouble to the relationship. He should have instead behaved in such a way that she didn't want to go out so much because staying home with him was better.


You are onto something. I guess she liked the old him and not the new one. But she wanted him to fall for her and want more commitment. Once he did that things changed. That's what's puzzling.


----------



## Lifescript

daddymikey1975 said:


> What is it that most nice guys do to make sure a woman doesn't develop feelings? Do you believe they do this inadvertently?


They think the way to a woman's heart is to do what she wants, be what she wants, be nice and overextend themselves all the time. They are the chumps buying flowers for girls who cancel all the time and won't make plans to see them. 

I have a coworker who I swear I have treated not nice at times. She says she is in love with me. It's very uncomfortable now. So from what I've seen being too nice gets you burned.


----------



## TooNice

We are all looking for different things. That's what makes the whole dating thing so hard. LS, you mentioned a few times about flowers, poems, and the like. Some women need those things to feel valued. Others do not. For me, those are things I could care less about. I want a man's time. His attention. His honesty. A man who will let us share our lives-be it the good, the bad, the mundane. Like the song I posted yesterday, I want someone who gives a f* about me. That's what I did NOT have for the last 20 years. When I find him, I won't care if he's a chump, and alpha, or a nice guy. I'll just be happy I found him.

And yes, I would share that advice with my son.


----------



## RandomDude

Not puzzling at all; your friend just danced sloppy 










Step forward, step back, and if she doesn't want to play, just leave - and watch her chase after you. Just make sure the relationship is always a two way street and both are investing in equal measure, not more, not less.

It is very uncomfortable - as you are experiencing with your coworker - when one side is more invested than the other. It's not surprising if your friend's ex-gf experienced the same when he went all lovey dovey on her.

I experienced the same with ex-gf in some regards, by investing herself very strongly (without waiting for me to recipocate) I felt like there's extra responsibility and expectations placed on my shoulders and well, guess it played a part in my decision to dump her while I deal with my mess of a life.

I must admit that if she had slowed down, I may not have ditched her. And if she had presented some sort of challenge for me, it may have inspired me to stay with her. (Emphasis on the may - I may still have ditched her due to circumstances, but my feelings for her would have been stronger - that I know)


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> You are onto something. I guess she liked the old him and not the new one. But she wanted him to fall for her and want more commitment. Once he did that things changed. That's what's puzzling.


Her actions clearly didn't match her words.


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Not puzzling at all; your friend just danced sloppy
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Step forward, step back, and if she doesn't want to play, just leave - and watch her chase after you. Just make sure the relationship is always a two way street and both are investing in equal measure, not more, not less.
> 
> It is very uncomfortable - as you are experiencing with your coworker - when one side is more invested than the other. It's not surprising if your friend's ex-gf experienced the same when he went all lovey dovey on her.
> 
> I experienced the same with ex-gf in some regards, by investing herself very strongly (without waiting for me to recipocate) I felt like there's extra responsibility and expectations placed on my shoulders and well, guess it played a part in my decision to dump her while I deal with my mess of a life.
> 
> I must admit that if she had slowed down, I may not have ditched her. And if she had presented some sort of challenge for me, it may have inspired me to stay with her. (Emphasis on the may - I may still have ditched her due to circumstances, but my feelings for her would have been stronger - that I know)


RD, 

This is what I'm saying ... whoever shows more interest loses. My friend was good when she was the one investing more in the relationship but then he fell for her and and she stopped investing. It's messed up.


----------



## RandomDude

He just had to slow down and dance more gracefully, just as ex-gf should have slowed down if she didn't want to be dumped 2 days from V-day.
It's not really about winning/losing, when things are out of balance, when one partner trips over the other in the dance, *both lose*. 

I lost a woman who has only been dear to me since last year for example. I wish things were different but I couldn't deal with her affection/expectations with all the stress with my ex/daughter/work at the same time. Best to leave on a good note which we did. Interestingly your question has sparked some reflection on my part having just dumped my GF a few days ago.

In the end, it comes down to patience.


----------



## Ikaika

Slow dancing is definitely not my style, I prefer:

http://youtu.be/RlrNPBfOowg


----------



## RandomDude

Mine either, tis just a metaphor


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> RD,
> 
> This is what I'm saying ... whoever shows more interest loses. My friend was good when she was the one investing more in the relationship but then he fell for her and and she stopped investing. It's messed up.


I think this is an oversimplification. There's more to the story than you are aware of, that maybe your friend isn't aware of either.

There are circumstances that are unique to each failed relationship, and you can't apply broad strokes to figure it out.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> They try to play the chameleon. The bad type of "Nice Guy," for the most part, doesn't know who he is. He isn't confident enough in himself to _be_ himself. He is under the impression that he has to be what she says she wants. He tries to make himself responsible for her happiness. He tries to fix things.
> 
> Being successful at work, having hobbies, etc, does not make a man "alpha."
> 
> Having the confidence in yourself, to be yourself, regardless of any outside pressure. Don't be an ass just to be an ass. Don't be c*cky for the sake of being c*cky. That is not confidence.
> 
> Having the confidence in yourself, to know that you are the prize, will attract a prize to you.
> 
> "Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness."


I don't know if this is true for all Nice Guys, but it was definitely the case with the Nice Guy I married--and then divorced. He was never himself; when we were splitting, he actually referred to himself as a chameleon. He played a different character for every person he knew. Most people do this, but to a much lesser extent (you act one way with your boss, and another way with your pals at the bar), but the chameleon Nice Guys take it to a whole other level, and it's impossible to maintain in the long term.

And it's exhausting for a woman dealing with a man like this, because she never knows what she's going to get. It's very inconsistent and frustrating. Not to mention that a guy like this never makes any decisions for fear of disappointing her.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I think this is an oversimplification. There's more to the story than you are aware of, that maybe your friend isn't aware of either.
> 
> There are circumstances that are unique to each failed relationship, and you can't apply broad strokes to figure it out.


And trying to figure out anyone else's relationship is exhausting and a waste of energy. All you can really so is assume. No one knows the truth, probably not even the couple themselves.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* 

Going to miss having sex, wish we stayed FWBs (exGF and I), miss running my hands down her long smooth legs and curves. Emotions... bane of everything really


----------



## daddymikey1975

06Daddio08 said:


> If two people don't line up on their core values, nothing will change that. Trying to convince someone otherwise or altering your own values will only last so long.


This is precisely why my marriage didn't last. Jumped in way too quick, got married for the wrong reasons, spent 12 years trying to be friends. We were great as a team but we sucked at being married. 

Our core values and personalities just didn't align. 

Very well put.


----------



## moxy

Core values matter; in the end, my ex-h And I didn't agree on some very fundamental things and it's what caused the problems.

You can't ever figure out what's in another person's relationship, but by talking about relationships, you might find insight into your own. That's mostly why we post here, isn't it? Not for definitive answers but for the opportunity to explore.

So, I heard nothing from Mr. Translator yesterday, though I did text him to say hi and wish him a nice day. Either he's busy or he's met someone else; either way, he's not really too invested in whatever we are doing. 

You know who I did hear from, though? GI Joe 2.0 . Yep, the one I was talking to after Guy. I forgot how incredibly good looking 2.0 is and new pictures have reminded me. 😉


----------



## daddymikey1975

I have a couple interests. One (Union gal) is very sweet and she seems friendly. She's been over for dinner once. We have tentative plans to go on a real date next weekend. I'm really digging her. 

"Niles Gal" is much more forward, we haven't met in person yet, haven't necessarily had erotic text messages, but she seems very amorous. She's sent me some nudie pics already (of her own accord, not because I've requested them) and we have plans for a first date Friday. 

The online dating stuff can be fun yet tiresome. Lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

daddymikey1975 said:


> The online dating stuff can be fun yet tiresome. Lol


I started the online dating thing just over a year ago. I believe in that time I've met 8 or 9 different women. The latest one was a couple weeks ago.

It does get tiring. Even now I have a hard time wanting to discuss my past with my friends (when they ask how things are going), which means talking about it with a fresh face gets redundant.

My marriage ended 3 years ago a month from now and aside from a fling in the fall with someone I ran into this past summer that I knew from a few years ago, I've been flying solo rather consistently.

I couldn't imagine having multiple women on the 'hook', with all that back and forth communication that leads no where. At times I can feel myself imagining how overwhelming it could become from just reading a few of the posts on here, haha.


----------



## daddymikey1975

06Daddio08 said:


> I started the online dating thing just over a year ago. I believe in that time I've met 8 or 9 different women. The latest one was a couple weeks ago.
> 
> It does get tiring. Even now I have a hard time wanting to discuss my past with my friends (when they ask how things are going), which means talking about it with a fresh face gets redundant.
> 
> My marriage ended 3 years ago a month from now and aside from a fling in the fall with someone I ran into this past summer that I knew from a few years ago, I've been flying solo rather consistently.
> 
> I couldn't imagine having multiple women on the 'hook', with all that back and forth communication that leads no where. At times I can feel myself imagining how overwhelming it could become from just reading a few of the posts on here, haha.


It can be a bit overwhelming. I don't get out much, mostly because of my parenting time and work schedule, so that's why online is a bit easier for me to engage with and talk to women. 

I do, however, have a couple older (6 yrs or so older) women that stay in regular contact with me, and we use each other for hooking up during dry spells. We also talk about life, and the everyday goings on etc (like friends would) but we don't have the burden of dating or maintaining the intricacies of a "relationship"... Also, we don't hook up when any of us is remotely involved with another potential partner. 

Sometimes I find myself content with the occasional romp in the sack (after all, a guaranteed thing, that's clean, sane, and not clingy can't be all bad) and the remainder of my time spent raising my kids. 

I do get lonely for Companionship and adult conversation/interaction though. 

I guess there's a time and place for online dating. Hahahaha


----------



## vi_bride04

Dating in general seems tiring and overwhelming. Who has time for that when there is so much life to experience and explore? 

I'm glad you guys post your stories, it gives me my fill of dating without dealing with the b.s. myself


----------



## 06Daddio08

Exploring said life with someone isn't always a tiring and overwhelming thing. You just haven't found that person yet, neither have I.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Exploring said life with someone isn't always a tiring and overwhelming thing. You just haven't found that person yet, neither have I.


Nooooo but getting to the point of where you have found someone to explore life with is what is tiring and overwhelming. Ain't got time for that, I can explore life solo just fine  there's a ton I want to do before I'm too old to do it and to try to find someone compatible enough to join me would take me years and years.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, sh-t just happens

Chances are you'll be singing this tune and before you know it you're head over heels in love going "how the fk did this happen"

Such is the case of love and relationships, despite one's efforts to stay away.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> I think this is an oversimplification. There's more to the story than you are aware of, that maybe your friend isn't aware of either.
> 
> There are circumstances that are unique to each failed relationship, and you can't apply broad strokes to figure it out.


This is true FIP. 

From the outside they looked like a perfect couple but who knows what was going on behind closed doors.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> This is true FIP.
> 
> From the outside they looked like a perfect couple but who knows what was going on behind closed doors.


Doesn't that remind you of all those times you went out alone after separating from your ex? Looking around at all of those 'happy' couples and letting it bog you down. Lol.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Doesn't that remind you of all those times you went out alone after separating from your ex? Looking around at all of those 'happy' couples and letting it bog you down. Lol.


Lol

That was a weird phase. No longer bothers me to see happy couples. Now seeing that gives me hope that some people do find great partners. Sadly though I find that many of these happy people are not that happy like my friend and his ex.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> FIP,
> 
> My friend is what we call an alpha guy. He's successful in his career, makes good money, has hobbies, etc. They looked very happy. When I was still with my ex and used to go out with them she looked like she was head over heels in love.
> 
> *Then a year or so ago he told me he had fallen in love and was thinking about having kids with her. Not sure why but things started going downhill from there.*
> 
> Have this happened to any of ya ladies? That a guy you were dating or were with fell in love and started being nicer, more giving and then you lost interest or sort of took advantage.
> 
> My friend was complaining recently that she was going out a lot with some of her divorced girlfriends. I think that brought a lot of friction to it.


Ok, this part has me stumped. Why in the world did it take him so long to fall in love with her?? And if he had not been in love with her all along, then why be with her for so many years?



Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies: What would you tell your son or younger brother about how to be successful with women, how to make them fall in love and how to keep them, not lose them?


Well like others said, you cant make someone fall in love with you. I wish! 

I dont know what the whole story is with your friend obviously, but to answer your posted question...my advice to a son or younger brother would be to make your woman your priority. Pay attention to her. No matter how long you are together, dont stop doing the things that made her fall for you in the first place. Its happened to me in every relationship, that the man becomes complacent and takes you and your love for him for granted...starts ignoring you, stops having real conversations with you, stops doing those little things that make you feel special. Be nice to her and the people she cares about. But dont fall into the "nice guy" role that we see here all the time. Women want a man who is confident and strong, who can make decisions and protect them, and who will stand up for himself. Of course you cant go the opposite direction and be an angry a$$hole either! 

So, be present. Be kind. Make her your priority. Dont let her walk all over you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

06Daddio08 said:


> Doesn't that remind you of all those times you went out alone after separating from your ex? Looking around at all of those 'happy' couples and letting it bog you down. Lol.


I fvcking HATE it. I am feeling very resentful right now of happy couples.


----------



## 06Daddio08

3Xnocharm said:


> I fvcking HATE it. I am feeling very resentful right now of happy couples.


Really? I was looking through pictures of the kids when they were young, within them are a few of us all together (ex and I). Sure, at times I was 'happy' but man .. I was also 100 lbs heavier and there was no way I was actually happy.

I sat there shaking my head ... at myself. Lol.


----------



## ne9907

I had an awesome Valentine's Day hiking ragged point and bathing in a mountain iced cold river!
Oh and sipping wine while waiting for the sunset in the company of great friends 
One of them even played the soundtrack of my life on his phone while we were hiking back!
It was a truly wonderful day
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Working weekend for me. Only home for 8 hours on both Saturday and Sunday. So.. I got home, played with my kids for a bit, then took a nap. Got up a few hours later, played with my kids again, then left for work. Fun times.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Working weekend for me. Only home for 8 hours on both Saturday and Sunday. So.. I got home, played with my kids for a bit, then took a nap. Got up a few hours later, played with my kids again, then left for work. Fun times.


Well, at least you didn't have to deal with crowded, overpriced restaurants with subpar food, all in the name of Hallmark


----------



## motl

Girl I was texting hasn't responded since Friday. And she still seemed interested last week and even confirmed interest in making plans for today on Friday morning. Also hasn't been on POF since Friday. 

I thought after 6 weeks she'd have the guts to tell me she lost interest or whatever. Whole thing was pretty confusing and, sadly, I'll miss chatting with her. But I can't date someone I can't meet and there's nothing more I can or should do. Her loss.

I had a first date with a different girl last night and had a great time. She and I only spoke a few times on Tinder before meeting. You know, like adults.


----------



## FeministInPink

motl said:


> Girl I was texting hasn't responded since Friday. And she still seemed interested last week and even confirmed interest in making plans for today on Friday morning. Also hasn't been on POF since Friday.
> 
> I thought after 6 weeks she'd have the guts to tell me she lost interest or whatever. Whole thing was pretty confusing and, sadly, I'll miss chatting with her. But I can't date someone I can't meet and there's nothing more I can or should do. Her loss.
> 
> I had a first date with a different girl last night and had a great time. She and I only spoke a few times on Tinder before meeting. You know, like adults.


Yeah, forget about her... she met someone else, and she's busy texting him and making plans. Sounds like you were never really her plan A.

Date from last night sounds promising


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, this part has me stumped. Why in the world did it take him so long to fall in love with her?? And if he had not been in love with her all along, then why be with her for so many years?
> 
> 
> 
> Well like others said, you cant make someone fall in love with you. I wish!
> 
> I dont know what the whole story is with your friend obviously, but to answer your posted question...my advice to a son or younger brother would be to make your woman your priority. Pay attention to her. No matter how long you are together, dont stop doing the things that made her fall for you in the first place. Its happened to me in every relationship, that the man becomes complacent and takes you and your love for him for granted...starts ignoring you, stops having real conversations with you, stops doing those little things that make you feel special. Be nice to her and the people she cares about. But dont fall into the "nice guy" role that we see here all the time. Women want a man who is confident and strong, who can make decisions and protect them, and who will stand up for himself. Of course you cant go the opposite direction and be an angry a$$hole either!
> 
> So, be present. Be kind. Make her your priority. Dont let her walk all over you.


I think he has loved her for years. I get the sense that he felt he had really fallen in love with her when he started feeling like he wanted to commit to her and have kids. That she was someone he wanted to build a family with. 

Thanks for answering the original question. You can't go wrong by not getting complacent and giving your woman attention and making her feel special. But there's gotta be a balance, I feel. In my marriage, I was way too loving and giving and I feel it created problems like she grew tired or numb of so much love. I was the typical nice guy then and didn't stand up for myself so that didn't help either. 

In the end I guess is best to enjoy love and a great person while it last because in most cases it doesn't last. Even a guy who is confident and loving can end with a broken heart. There's no way to predict what will happen. Relationships are built in emotions and as we've seen those fluctuate often.


----------



## Lifescript

motl said:


> Girl I was texting hasn't responded since Friday. And she still seemed interested last week and even confirmed interest in making plans for today on Friday morning. Also hasn't been on POF since Friday.
> 
> I thought after 6 weeks she'd have the guts to tell me she lost interest or whatever. Whole thing was pretty confusing and, sadly, I'll miss chatting with her. But I can't date someone I can't meet and there's nothing more I can or should do. Her loss.
> 
> I had a first date with a different girl last night and had a great time. She and I only spoke a few times on Tinder before meeting. You know, like adults.


Sounds good. 

What is the % of people that chat on tinder who actually go out and meet the person you think?


----------



## motl

Lifescript said:


> Sounds good.
> 
> What is the % of people that chat on tinder who actually go out and meet the person you think?


From my experience, Tinder girls aren't too shy about meeting after one or two decent convos (to make sure I'm not psychotic). Of those I ask to meet, probably over 50% do end up meeting me at least once. There are some who say they will and then flake or interest dies on one side before meeting. 

I actually like that there are no profiles on Tinder. It makes the first convo easy because you get to ask about what you'd normally see in a profile instead of crafting lame messages to try and make them think you've read their profile and share interests. If the 2nd or 3rd convo is still interesting once we are beyond the usual profile type questions, I ask them to meet. Most seem willing at that point.

I'm sort of picky though and don't ask everyone I speak to. Girl last night said she normally texts for a bit before meeting but knew right away I wasn't a creep so met quicker than normal. 

I'm not sure what it's like being the girl though.


----------



## Lifescript

motl said:


> From my experience, Tinder girls aren't too shy about meeting after one or two decent convos (to make sure I'm not psychotic). Of those I ask to meet, probably over 50% do end up meeting me at least once. There are some who say they will and then flake or interest dies on one side before meeting.
> 
> I actually like that there are no profiles on Tinder. It makes the first convo easy because you get to ask about what you'd normally see in a profile instead of crafting lame messages to try and make them think you've read their profile and share interests. If the 2nd or 3rd convo is still interesting once we are beyond the usual profile type questions, I ask them to meet. Most seem willing at that point.
> 
> I'm sort of picky though and don't ask everyone I speak to. Girl last night said she normally texts for a bit before meeting but knew right away I wasn't a creep so met quicker than normal.
> 
> I'm not sure what it's like being the girl though.


So on Tinder you get to see pics of women in your area and if you both like each other by swiping then you can chat? Do they get notified when someone likes their pic? 

Heard of an app called happn that let's you chat with people you have crossed paths with like someone who you just passed down the street. Anyone using that here?


----------



## motl

Yes that's how it works. 

If you both swipe right then you'll both get a message saying you matched and you can now chat.

There's no way of knowing who likes you unless you match with them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Sounds good.
> 
> What is the % of people that chat on tinder who actually go out and meet the person you think?


For me, it was pretty low. I had a LOT of guys make plans, and then completely blew me off/stood me up. Like 4/5 or 5/6. And then so many more guys who will chat, but then no actual interest in getting together. I felt like it was a complete waste of time, honestly, and I lost interest in it. I may give it a try again, eventually, but not anytime soon.


----------



## FeministInPink

motl said:


> Yes that's how it works.
> 
> If you both swipe right then you'll both get a message saying you matched and you can now chat.
> 
> There's no way of knowing who likes you unless you match with them.


But a LOT of people just use it as an ego boost--they just want to see how many matches they get, but they never respond if you send them a message, and they never directly message anyone either.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> But a LOT of people just use it as an ego boost--they just want to see how many matches they get, but they never respond if you send them a message, and they never directly message anyone either.


That's dumb. Why be in it if you are not going to follow through. I guess is like the Facebook addiction with likes.


----------



## motl

FeministInPink said:


> But a LOT of people just use it as an ego boost--they just want to see how many matches they get, but they never respond if you send them a message, and they never directly message anyone either.


This is true. But I guess they don't matter since they won't usually respond and therefore can't waste your time.

Flaking is generally is a problem with online dating. People are pussies and have no ability to just be upfront about how they feel. People will carry on convos with men/women they aren't super interested in and then when it comes to meet, it's time to flake. It wastes everyone's time. 

I only message girls I think seem interesting/attractive enough to meet right away. And I use convos with them as a way to reinforce my interest. I try to never respond to someone I don't think I'd want to meet (not that guys get many messages).


----------



## hope4family

I cuddled with a woman last week. It had been a while, no sex, kissing, or even holding hands. She leaned in, I told her come on in, and the next 2 hours is history. 

I know her pretty well. Either I am so far in the friend zone or I am really trustworthy in her eyes. Cute I think, not far from the truth.

The only thing I can think of, is as of this year, I am trying to balance out the part of me that is a Father with those who only know me as a single man. I have found that women particularly really like the Father side of me. (I am shy, quiet, serious in person until my son is around.) To which, he drags my adventurous energizing spirit out. 

Hopefully I can find a similar woman who is like that.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> I cuddled with a woman last week. It had been a while, no sex, kissing, or even holding hands. She leaned in, I told her come on in, and the next 2 hours is history.
> 
> I know her pretty well. Either I am so far in the friend zone or I am really trustworthy in her eyes. Cute I think, not far from the truth.


Cuddling. Good stuff. I don't know of any woman who would cuddle with a guy she's friend-zoned. In fact, if I friend-zoned a guy, I would go to great lengths to keep him from touching me at all.

So, I think you're good with Cuddle Bug.

I like cuddling... but I usually start to get antsy, and start to think, _If we have time to cuddle, that means we have time for sex. Why aren't we having sex? Let's have sex!_ Well, that's what happens when I cuddle, anyway :rofl:

Post-sex cuddling is my favorite kind of cuddling, when I'm most relaxed and not gunning for sex.



hope4family said:


> The only thing I can think of, is as of this year, I am trying to balance out the part of me that is a Father with those who only know me as a single man. I have found that women particularly really like the Father side of me. (I am shy, quiet, serious in person until my son is around.) To which, he drags my adventurous energizing spirit out.
> 
> Hopefully I can find a similar woman who is like that.


A good woman will love both the single man side of you AND the father side of you, especially if your son brings out a more playful, adventurous side. (To put this in perspective, many women have been with men who get stuck in routine and are predictable, which gets boring. Fast. So... someone who can be playful and adventurous is attractive.) And a really good woman will respond by being playful and spontaneous herself.


----------



## RandomDude

I miss my cuddles 
I also miss my sex 

Wish GF and I stayed FWBs now


----------



## Lifescript

Hey H4F,

Hope you doing good man. 

To me cuddling and no sex is not a good sign. This happened to me a few months back. I even slept with this girl but had no sex out if respect because she was too drunk. Then we cuddled in the morning for a long time. We never had sex after that. I now know she was using me for emotional support (sigh) when she was going through a rough patch with the bf. 

Not talking to her anymore.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Hey H4F,
> 
> Hope you doing good man.
> 
> To me cuddling and no sex is not a good sign. This happened to me a few months back. I even slept with this girl but had no sex out if respect because she was too drunk. Then we cuddled in the morning for a long time. We never had sex after that. I now know she was using me for emotional support (sigh) when she was going through a rough patch with the bf.
> 
> Not talking to her anymore.


Lifescript, the girl in your example clearly has some boundary issues and is not representative of a potential HEALTHY partner. A woman who is emotionally healthy wouldn't do that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Lifescript, the girl in your example clearly has some boundary issues and is not representative of a potential HEALTHY partner. A woman who is emotionally healthy wouldn't do that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I know. She has some issues. It was a learning experience.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

My guy went all out for me...roses, jewelry, dinner out AND he drove in the snow and the dark (first time for him since his brain injury) and also had a backup plan for dinner in case we got totally snowed in before we could get to dinner. Oh, and he also had Champagne for me, and a card that was incredibly sweet and appropriate, and chocolates.

I, however, bought him nice sheepskin slippers for which I failed to find wrapping paper and could not even begin to look for a card which would have expressed how I felt about him, so did not try. Also I thought, well, he had a brain injury and is really tired, so I don't want to get him a card if he doesn't manage to get out to get one...hahahahahahaha.

I spent the weekend. Which I've done before. He's very organized with the snow blower, cleaned the entire driveway, etc. and explained to me how to clean the snow from the oil tank to be careful of the gauge and supply line. We had about a foot of snow. I cleaned his bathroom, which looked like it had not been cleaned since 2012...except I think for the toilet :-o 

I found a couple letters and photos I sent him after he moved to the nursing home near his sister, so pulled those out for him to read...cute. I'd sent self-addressed postcards for him to write a line back but apparently nobody at that place or his family bothered to help him with that. 

I tried going without my sedative/antihistamine. First night went really well, as had Drambuie (besides the slippers, I brought him a bottle of that) and was tired...2nd night was awake too much, programming in my sleep. I think right before moving and taking a trip/vacation is probably not a great time for cutting back on those (low dose so no real need for titration...)


----------



## moxy

I have been cuddly/cozy with guys who are in the friend zone plenty of times. Sometimes, you just feel comfortable with another person. If I'm into the guy, I will probably find a way to suggest more, though,


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I've never been turned down for something more once I start cuddling 
Ex-gf mentioned it's the way I 'touch' though or some sh-t lol

Anyway lifescript she could have been thinking it  Next time capitalise on it, just like traffic lights; if it's green, go, if there's no color, assume it's green!


----------



## moxy

No no...don't assume it's green. If you don't know, ask...


----------



## RandomDude

I never ask for sex, tis just not me

Besides I'm not saying he should shove his hands down her pants straight off the bat lol, from the cuddling just slowly see how far you can go, one thing leads to the next, as the saying goes


----------



## daddymikey1975

If you want to be respectful by not doing the deed, yet you still want to cuddle and not send mixed emotions, while making out, you can start tickling (or something equally as playful) and as soon as you start to make out again, playfully mention something along the lines of "oh, by the way, you're not getting any tonight".... Helps to set expectations without leaving anyone wondering. She will see you as being respectful and really appreciate it.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> Hey H4F,
> 
> Hope you doing good man.


Better then I deserve probably lol.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Cuddling. Good stuff. I don't know of any woman who would cuddle with a guy she's friend-zoned. In fact, if I friend-zoned a guy, I would go to great lengths to keep him from touching me at all.
> 
> So, I think you're good with Cuddle Bug.


I am not thinking into it. She has been a friend a long time. I feel safe. If she feels safe too. Then I am OK with that. 



FeministInPink said:


> I like cuddling...* but I usually start to get antsy*, and start to think, _If we have time to cuddle, that means we have time for sex. Why aren't we having sex? Let's have sex!_ Well, that's what happens when I cuddle, anyway :rofl:


I am the same way. But I didn't sweat it. I felt from her body language, that she was either too shy about it, or just not in the mood. I'll trust my instinct and go with the flow. If she warms up, great. If not, that's great too. 



FeministInPink said:


> Post-sex cuddling is my favorite kind of cuddling, when I'm most relaxed and not gunning for sex.


Someone get a bucket of water and cool me off. I am feeling steamy thinking about it. 



FeministInPink said:


> A good woman will love both the single man side of you AND the father side of you, especially if your son brings out a more playful, adventurous side. (To put this in perspective, many women have been with men who get stuck in routine and are predictable, which gets boring. Fast. So... someone who can be playful and adventurous is attractive.) And a really good woman will respond by being playful and spontaneous herself.


I have been told by plenty of women that their first impression of me is wrong. That being said, no first impression is the same, just that it's always wrong. Usually a statement of attraction comes soon after. 

I have found that women are much more curious about my life as a Father. The attention and complements you get go from simply kind gestures (in a guy vs girl) to flat out raining compliments on me (as soon as they interact with me as a Father). It's cute. But I find that flattery gets you nowhere. 

I am trying to find balance as I work on this part of my life without over exposing my son to my adult friends in general. Maybe this by itself is an attractive quality. But I can only speculate. All I can point to, is the fact that females seem to become more interested when they find out I am a Father, then it magnifies when they see me as a Father in action.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I'm a single dad too.. I'm not getting that same level of attention.. Are the gals my age with kids at the same level of wariness maybe when it comes to protecting the kids??


----------



## FeministInPink

Didn't you know? Single dads are a hot commodity in the dating market right now.

7 Damn Good Reasons To Date A Single Dad


----------



## hope4family

TheGoodGuy said:


> I'm a single dad too.. I'm not getting that same level of attention.. Are the gals my age with kids at the same level of wariness maybe when it comes to protecting the kids??


I don't know your situation so it could be. It's taken me two years to get to a point where I welcome females (as friends) into my home and introduce them to my son.


----------



## muskrat

In 3 years not 1 woman has met my kids. Dating is a bunch of mind *****. I have yet to find someone that lasts more than a few weeks. One of us always seems to lose interest. At this point I am just sick of trying. Go live life for you and just enjoy yourself. Seems most people are so messed up in the head from past bad experiences they no longer know how to have a good relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

muskrat said:


> In 3 years not 1 woman has met my kids. Dating is a bunch of mind *****. I have yet to find someone that lasts more than a few weeks. One of us always seems to lose interest. At this point I am just sick of trying. Go live life for you and just enjoy yourself. *Seems most people are so messed up in the head from past bad experiences they no longer know how to have a good relationship.*


This is certainly a challenge. It takes a certain amount of self-awareness to overcome the emotional trauma(s) of previous bad relationships, and that requires a willingness to face and deal with those negative emotions, which most people would prefer to ignore/suppress/sweep under the rug.

I think it's more of never knowing how to have a good relationship in the first place, rather than no longer knowing how to. It requires re-learning and re-training oneself, and most people are psychologically "set" by the time they're in their mid-30's. After that point, very few people are capable of any significant change.


----------



## ne9907

daddymikey1975 said:


> I have a couple interests. One (Union gal) is very sweet and she seems friendly. She's been over for dinner once. We have tentative plans to go on a real date next weekend. I'm really digging her.
> 
> "Niles Gal" is much more forward, we haven't met in person yet, haven't necessarily had erotic text messages, but she seems very amorous. She's sent me some nudie pics already (of her own accord, not because I've requested them) and we have plans for a first date Friday.
> 
> The online dating stuff can be fun yet tiresome. Lol


Are those street names daddymikey?

If so, could you PM me? 
I am not one of those girls btw, but sounds like you might live in my town~

BTW I Loaded some photos from my amazing saturday hike!!


----------



## ne9907

muskrat said:


> In 3 years not 1 woman has met my kids. Dating is a bunch of mind *****. I have yet to find someone that lasts more than a few weeks. One of us always seems to lose interest. At this point I am just sick of trying. Go live life for you and just enjoy yourself. Seems most people are so messed up in the head from past bad experiences they no longer know how to have a good relationship.


I also believe that it is due to people behaving differently than what they really are. Most of us are on our best behavior while dating, and thus we dont show our true selves!!!


----------



## Healer

I had an amazing 2 days this weekend with GG. We had an absolute blast together. And fortunately we have amazing chemistry in the sack as well.


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> Go live life for you and just enjoy yourself.


Amen!!! It's alot funner and enjoyable to do this than date.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> In 3 years not 1 woman has met my kids. Dating is a bunch of mind *****. I have yet to find someone that lasts more than a few weeks. One of us always seems to lose interest. At this point I am just sick of trying. Go live life for you and just enjoy yourself. Seems most people are so messed up in the head from past bad experiences they no longer know how to have a good relationship.


Hmmm....Rat, does this mean your Vegas trip didnt go well?


----------



## Lifescript

I share this sentiment as well. After separation from my soon to be ex-wife I haven't dealt with many women but two of them I later found out are nut cases and not ok in the head. But my sample size is small so I won't let it ruin my optimism. But like Rat said best thing is to just love your life and enjoy. They say it's when you are not looking that you find special things.


----------



## muskrat

Vegas was fun 3x. I'll just say things didn't go as expected.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> Vegas was fun 3x. I'll just say things didn't go as expected.


Sorry to hear!


----------



## RandomDude

Just came back from another big day and so horny right now I feel like drawing an outline of a lady on the wall and ramming it!!! 

What was I thinking getting into a relationship with a great FWB only to have to dump her as I'm not ready for anything serious. Now I have no one, and still thinking of her so I'm not in the mood to pick up either.

Fk me dead... I'm my own worst enemy... BAH!
*rams the wall*


----------



## ne9907

Something ain't right with me guys....
I've been dancing like a white girl to country music for about an hour now!!
From CCR "looking out my back door" to Eric Pasley "Friday night"

Save me please.....

Oh did I mention I am alone in my room?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

So tired. So much more to do. This is when I miss relationships -- when I am exhausted and in need of a hug. A new-ish dating partner is less about the cuddles and more about the sexy; right now, the latter is too much energy for me.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> So tired. So much more to do. This is when I miss relationships -- when I am exhausted and in need of a hug. A new-ish dating partner is less about the cuddles and more about the sexy; right now, the latter is too much energy for me.


But the sex can be a great stress reliever 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

After reading many posts here, I am starting to think the pain of divorce has ruined many of us. It seems most of us are struggling to find and maintain a productive relationship.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

muskrat said:


> After reading many posts here, I am starting to think the pain of divorce has ruined many of us. It seems most of us are struggling to find and maintain a productive relationship.


We are struggling because falling into the wrong one was so easy for us in the past, and we dont want to do that again. My opinion anyway...


----------



## Jellybeans

I was seeing some people. It is amazing to me how diffrent one person can be from the other. I had one guy who was not a big communicator, would send some kiss emojis or ask how my day was and at night I wouldn't hear from him at all, til the next day. Then an other guy who was a massive texter - all throughout the day, wishing me good morning/noon/night, going out of his way to hang with me. Just so crazy how some people want/need sparse communication and some want/need a lot.


----------



## muskrat

3Xnocharm said:


> We are struggling because falling into the wrong one was so easy for us in the past, and we dont want to do that again. My opinion anyway...


Then it's also fair to ask, are we being so cautious that we let the right one slip right past us? :scratchhead:


Jelly, sounds like you a playa. :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

One gentleman friend seemed to be getting really comfortable and I told him "...you can stay for a bit but you have to go home because I have to get to bed. ... and if you stay it will turn into like a thing..." And he said "what thing?" And I thought in my head "The thing where you think it's cool to stay over all the time." 

I LIKE MY ALONE TIME, holla.

Funny how it was so hard for me at one point to fathom being alone, and now I don't want to share my home space with anyone. At all.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> We are struggling because falling into the wrong one was so easy for us in the past, and we dont want to do that again. My opinion anyway...


:iagree:

I see a lot of people here trying very hard to learn from the mistakes of their romantic pasts, and making an effort not to make those same mistakes again. That's definitely what I'm doing, anyway.



muskrat said:


> Then it's also fair to ask, are we being so cautious that we let the right one slip right past us? :scratchhead:


For me, it's more about not wasting my time on someone who's WRONG for me. If you're not wasting time on the wrong one, that means you're available for when a good one comes along.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> One gentleman friend seemed to be getting really comfortable and I told him "...you can stay for a bit but you have to go home because I have to get to bed. ... and if you say it will turn into like a thing..." And he said "what thing?" And I thought in my head "The thing where you think it's cool to stay over all the time."
> 
> I LIKE MY ALONE TIME, holla.
> 
> Funny how it was so hard for me at one point to fathom being alone, and now I don't want to share my home space with anyone. At all.


I like overnight visits, but only on the weekends... I would be really hard-pressed to give up my personal space at this point.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> One gentleman friend seemed to be getting really comfortable and I told him "...you can stay for a bit but you have to go home because I have to get to bed. ... and if you say it will turn into like a thing..." And he said "what thing?" And I thought in my head "The thing where you think it's cool to stay over all the time."
> 
> I LIKE MY ALONE TIME, holla.
> 
> Funny how it was so hard for me at one point to fathom being alone, and now I don't want to share my home space with anyone. At all.


JB, that may change once you find the right one.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I like overnight visits, but only on the weekends... *I would be really hard-pressed to give up my personal space at this point*.


Girl, I HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR you. :iagree:



3Xnocharm said:


> JB, that may change once you find the right one.


I don't believe in "The One" anymore. It's not that I'm anti-sleepover. I just don't want it to become a pattern.  

You go home. I go home.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> 3Xnocharm said:
> 
> 
> 
> JB, that may change once you find the right one.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't believe in "The One" anymore. It's not that I'm anti-sleepover. I just don't want it to become a pattern.
> 
> You go home. I go home.
Click to expand...

But there is something about sleeping beside and waking up next to that special someone... when that's the last person you want to see at the end of the day, and the first person you want to see in the morning. When you get to that point with a person, it's a game-changer.


----------



## Jellybeans

You guys are too romantic for my brain this morning.

MUSHY MUSHY MUSHY.


----------



## ne9907

How should I begin this? 

By giving a quick background I suppose, although many of you have read it in the past.

There is a coworker who back in October or November sent me a naked photo of himself, after he had broken up with a long time girlfriend. 
Since then, he has become a good friend. Not a lover. I am simply not attracted to him. He began having a casual sex relationship with another co worker (who happens to be good friend as well) back in December. This casual sex ended about a month ago.
All three of us became sort of inseparable, doing many things together, and thus strenghening our friendship, if you wish to call it that. All three of us know so many things about each other, our fears, our happy moments etc. 
Actually, I went hiking with them this saturday.
About a month ago, another girl began working. She is a good worker, I dont know her well enough but I like her work ethic.

This other girl worker, I will call her Golf, instantly took a fancy to my male friend. They began "talking" working towards a relationship. I knew all along because my male friend confides in me, and she began confiding in me as well...

Anyway, this morning, my male friend pulled me aside and said
" I am going to say something to you, and I do not ever want to talk about it again. Is that okay with you?" I said sure.
"Under different circumstances, I would be attracted to you. Hell, I am attracted to you, but I respect you and your career. You are a beautiful woman. I know I dont have a chance because I know you, I want you to know that I am going to get serious with Golf. That is all."

Although I have no interest in him, I thought it was sweet and I truly appreciated this moment.

That so far is my wednesday!


----------



## vi_bride04

muskrat said:


> After reading many posts here, I am starting to think the pain of divorce has ruined many of us. It seems most of us are struggling to find and maintain a productive relationship.


It wasn't the pain of divorce that ruined me, it was the rebound relationship that crushed me to the point of no return. Pretty lame, huh


----------



## Jellybeans

Aw, Vi. Chin up. Sorry to hear it was the rebound that did you in. But just know, you gotta get one of those out of the way post-Divorce.

For me, it was the divorce that did me in and completely. It was pain on a level I had never experienced before in my life.

VI, you just gotta keep dating and enjoying it for fun.


----------



## Healer

muskrat said:


> After reading many posts here, I am starting to think the pain of divorce has ruined many of us. It seems most of us are struggling to find and maintain a productive relationship.


I'm cautiously optimistic with the woman I'm currently seeing.


----------



## Healer

GG and I both love our time together and our time apart. We spent Friday night, and Saturday morning together, she went home Saturday morning and then we met late Saturday afternoon. Spent Saturday night together and she left Sunday morning at like 9 am. Perfect!

I still cannot imagine not having my alone time. Living with someone scares the **** out of me. I love being able to go home or have them go home. Maybe that'll change.

I will say this - I think I'm developing...erm...feelings for this woman. I don't what that means exactly...but there's _something_ going on. We have an openness with each other I'm not used to. She's also the first woman I've dated who I consider (this sounds snotty, but whatever) my peer. Same place in life, same experiences, same level of success and intelligence. I can't pull the wool over her eyes on anything, and I like that.


----------



## hope4family

muskrat said:


> After reading many posts here, I am starting to think the pain of divorce has ruined many of us. It seems most of us are struggling to find and maintain a productive relationship.


I think your framing is wrong. 

I think must of us know what it looks like, and no longer tolerate people we would have tolerated before. If someone cannot at least own up to what they are as a human being. We just can't be in that relationship anymore. 

At least that's what it sounds like for you. For me, I am mostly just lazy, working on myself, and not really caring.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> I think your framing is wrong.
> 
> I think must of us know what it looks like, and no longer tolerate people we would have tolerated before. If someone cannot at least own up to what they are as a human being. We just can't be in that relationship anymore.
> 
> At least that's what it sounds like for you. For me, I am mostly just lazy, working on myself, and not really caring.


We're refusing to settle for dysfunctional


----------



## vi_bride04

Making lasagna tonight, first time with fresh cheese. Got ricotta salata and mozzarella. I'm excited. I love fancy cheese!!!


----------



## hope4family

I get ya. Im doing home made pizza. Eventually will get a bread maker.


----------



## RandomDude

muskrat said:


> After reading many posts here, I am starting to think the pain of divorce has ruined many of us. It seems most of us are struggling to find and maintain a productive relationship.


Ey? Meh, think my problem is thinking with my penis instead of my brain, only have enough blood in my body to run one at a time anyway.

*rams the wall*


----------



## barcodelabelhere

I have a question...I'm pretty much an unknown here, although I lurk. For those that don't know, I'm a gay female, coming out of a 10-year relationship.

The preamble is this: there is a stereotype about gay women, which is actually based in truth. There is rarely any such thing as a casual relationship. The jokes you hear about U-hauls on the second date are based very much in truth. 

I do not want to be in a relationship. Nowhere near ready for that. However...I want to have closeness, for lack of a better word, with other human beings. 

This has led me to the idea of dating guys. It's theoretically possible that some man could come along and be the perfect person for me, but I'm definitely on the gay end of the spectrum. So I'd be dating mostly for the closeness part of it. The question is, I think, is this a terrible idea?

In hindsight, this may not be the right board for this. But I would appreciate the straight male (and straight female) input.


----------



## FeministInPink

Barcode, I think you could date a guy if you found him physically attractive. I don't see a problem with it, if you're OK with it and it's something you WANT to do.

Some men will dig the lesbian thing, some won't. You'll just need to ferret that out. Be forewarned: some men will assume that this means that you're open to threesomes, because you dig chicks.

But if you don't see yourself entertaining the idea of a LTR with a man, I would suggest that you be up front about that and make sure the guy feels the same way. In other words, be clear that you're looking for something casual.


----------



## moxy

Barcode, nothing wrong with a little fun and a little intimacy. If the guy gets serious and you don't want it to get serious, just be up front about your reluctance to make things more serious. There are people who have literal cuddle buddies, after all, so it's a reasonable thing to think about.


----------



## Fenix

barcodelabelhere said:


> I have a question...I'm pretty much an unknown here, although I lurk. For those that don't know, I'm a gay female, coming out of a 10-year relationship.
> 
> 
> This has led me to the idea of dating guys. It's theoretically possible that some man could come along and be the perfect person for me, but I'm definitely on the gay end of the spectrum. So I'd be dating mostly for the closeness part of it. The question is, I think, is this a terrible idea?
> 
> In hindsight, this may not be the right board for this. But I would appreciate the straight male (and straight female) input.


I don't think it is a terrible idea.



moxy said:


> Barcode, nothing wrong with a little fun and a little intimacy. If the guy gets serious and you don't want it to get serious, just be up front about your reluctance to make things more serious. There are people who have literal cuddle buddies, after all, so it's a reasonable thing to think about.


I am with Moxy on this. As long as you are up front and honest. Who knows...you may find a new best friend. Plus, there is such a wide spectrum of human sexuality. You just never know who you will connect with.


----------



## Fenix

vi_bride04 said:


> It wasn't the pain of divorce that ruined me, it was the rebound relationship that crushed me to the point of no return. Pretty lame, huh


----------



## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> Are those street names daddymikey?
> 
> If so, could you PM me?
> I am not one of those girls btw, but sounds like you might live in my town~
> 
> BTW I Loaded some photos from my amazing saturday hike!!


Somehow I missed the photos of your hike. Sounds like you had fun! 

Sent you a PM as well about the nicknames.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I still cannot imagine not having my alone time. Living with someone scares the **** out of me. I love being able to go home or have them go home.



Meeee, toooo!



Healer said:


> I will say this - I think I'm developing...erm...feelings for this woman. I don't what that means exactly...but there's _something_ going on. We have an openness with each other I'm not used to. She's also the first woman I've dated who I consider (this sounds snotty, but whatever) my peer. Same place in life, same experiences, same level of success and intelligence. I can't pull the wool over her eyes on anything, and I like that.


This is good. 



barcodelabelhere said:


> I do not want to be in a relationship.
> 
> This has led me to the idea of dating guys. It's theoretically possible that some man could come along and be the perfect person for me, but I'm definitely on the gay end of the spectrum. So I'd be dating mostly for the closeness part of it. The question is, I think, is this a terrible idea?


I would just be open and honest. Thing is, if you're not sexually attracted to males and you date someone who wants sex, then this may be odd. Be upfront about what you want/don't want.

I am curious - why do you think dating a male is the solution? Have you ever been into men before?


----------



## barcodelabelhere

It's probably completely unfair to men, but I think that it's easier to have a casual thing with a man. It's definitely easier for me, since I am less likely to catch feelings for a guy than for a woman.

I have dated men before (although ages ago now). I like sex with men, it's just not the same as sex with women. Which, I realize is a no sh!t Sherlock statement...but the emotional connection and the fireworks, etc., were never there with men for me as they are with women.


----------



## Jellybeans

Then just make it super clear that you only want sex. A FWB.


----------



## bkyln309

Barcode, there are plenty of men who would take you up on a casual sexual relationship. Be upfront and I know you can easily find a temporary fix.


As for me, I think two of the guys I have been chatting with are out of the picture. 

I have a third I just started dating. He is everything I want on paper. In fact, he is very well known in his industry speaks all over the world. I think he is the smartest man I have ever met. I have learned so much from him already. His intelligence is extremely attractive. 

But I am not sure if in person the fireworks are there. I know its there for him but I am not sure how I feel about it yet. We have a date tomorrow and I plan on seeing him a few more times before I decide. Its not bad but its not I want to rip your clothes off either. I am hoping its just we havent had enough time together yet. He really is a catch. Im just not sure he is my catch!


----------



## Lifescript

Barcode, 

I agree with the others. For a guy, this would be the perfect FWB situation. He can be there for you emotionally and you can be there for him as well with sex added into the mix. Just be upfront about it. Let him know you are gay and won't be falling for him so he knows what to expect. I would try this with an alpha. A beta would start catching feelings after getting a glimpse of you naked lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

bkyln309 said:


> But I am not sure if in person the fireworks are there. I know its there for him but I am not sure how I feel about it yet. We have a date tomorrow and I plan on seeing him a few more times before I decide. Its not bad but its not I want to rip your clothes off either. I am hoping its just we havent had enough time together yet. He really is a catch. Im just not sure he is my catch!


Do you find him attractive at all? How many times have you gone out? I say go and see how it goes. If you find yourself not wanting to see him again, then don't.



Lifescript said:


> the perfect FWB situation. He can be there for you emotionally and you can be there for him as well with sex added into the mix. Just be upfront about it. Let him know you are gay and won't be falling for him so he knows what to expect.


It reminds me of that movie Chasing Amy.


----------



## Healer

barcodelabelhere said:


> It's probably completely unfair to men, but I think that it's easier to have a casual thing with a man. It's definitely easier for me, since I am less likely to catch feelings for a guy than for a woman.
> 
> I have dated men before (although ages ago now). I like sex with men, it's just not the same as sex with women. Which, I realize is a no sh!t Sherlock statement...but the emotional connection and the fireworks, etc., were never there with men for me as they are with women.


It really, _really_ depends on the guy in question. Even if you make it clear that it's only FWB and won't be anything more, and he agrees to that, there's still definitely the possibility he falls for you anyway and then there's drama. Just be prepared for that possibility. There's also the guys who are going to try their damndest to convert you or make you fall in love with them - out of ego. Just be careful and use your spidey senses. You would've been perfect for me a little while ago - when I didn't want a relationship either - just sex and companionship.


----------



## Jellybeans

I once read that mall fall in love via sex. LOL. 

Here it is: 

Men Look for Sex and Find Love. Women Look for Love and Find Sex. : Men Look for Sex and Find Love. Women Look for Love and Find Sex.


----------



## bkyln309

Jellybeans said:


> Do you find him attractive at all? How many times have you gone out? I say go and see how it goes. If you find yourself not wanting to see him again, then don't.
> 
> 
> 
> It reminds me of that movie Chasing Amy.


We have only gone out once so far. We texted and chatted on the phone alot. We are going out tomorrow. We both want to spend time together. He is fascinating. I am not sure if its just his intellect that I like him for or not. No instant fireworks for me.


----------



## Jellybeans

You may not not always have an initial spark with someone and go on to find you like them more as you get to know them. With others it's instant (and with some instant ends up being catastrophic). LOL.

See how you feel after the date. If you are just not into him after that, then tell him you aren't feeling a connection.


----------



## bkyln309

Jellybeans said:


> You may not not always have an initial spark with someone and go on to find you like them more as you get to know them. With others it's instant (and with some instant ends up being catastrophic). LOL.
> 
> See how you feel after the date. If you are just not into him after that, then tell him you aren't feeling a connection.


I guess I am just feeling some pressure because he is already talking about taking me out of the country with him when he speaks overseas. I know his life works that way due to who he is but I need more time to get comfortable with this idea. He is not pushy about it. A total gentlemen but he is also very driven to get what he wants. I guess its good to know what he is thinking but its scary this early on.


----------



## Jellybeans

Well tell him you want to go slow/don't want pressure.


----------



## Lifescript

Bklyn, 

I agree with Jellybean. Sometimes it takes time to feel that attraction. When I first saw my soon to be ex-wife I didn't feel crazily attracted to her and then with time she started growing on me to the point I became addicted to her. 

Him suggesting to take you on his trip may be him just putting that out there thinking you would like that. It's ok to say you want to take things slow.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Bklyn,
> 
> *I agree with Jellybean. Sometimes it takes time to feel that attraction. When I first saw my soon to be ex-wife I didn't feel crazily attracted to her and then with time she started growing on me to the point I became addicted to her*.
> 
> Him suggesting to take you on his trip may be him just putting that out there thinking you would like that. It's ok to say you want to take things slow.


Couldnt agree with this more.

I just booked my Peru trip!! Going there the last week of March... 
I am taking my wedding band and leaving it somewhere in Machu Picchu. Will be a wonderful resting place for an item which meant so much to me.

I am so excited guys and a bit scared!! I will be all alone in this big big world!! Wow...


----------



## hope4family

I usually do not feel a spark with anyone and vice versa. Largely because I keep to myself and I am shy. (There has been 1 exception in 2 years that I "felt" something with.)

That being said, as people get to know me that's when the attraction usually kicks in. 

The only exception to the exception with a bit of a twist. Was a girl who was a mid teenager and I was a young man when we first met. I have seen her a couple times since then. I definitely feel something that wasn't there before. 

We were attending an event two weeks ago. I hadn't seen her in almost 8 months. (She has been traveling the world.) She asked what direction I need to go to get home. When I told her, she frowned and said it wasn't in the same direction as her. I debated, and quickly decided not to sound over desperate, and tell her to look me up when she is back in town and i'll make the paths align.

It was late, and dark in the room we were in. But I think I saw a smile. Maybe I should have pressed the issue. I just knew at this point she was leaving the country again in a few hours.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> I am taking my wedding band and leaving it somewhere in Machu Picchu. Will be a wonderful resting place for an item which meant so much to me.


That sounds like a FUN trip! Did you pick it specifically for the ring burial at Machu Picchu? Why do you want to bury it there specifically? 



hope4family said:


> It was late, and dark in the room we were in. But I think I saw a smile. Maybe I should have pressed the issue. I just knew at this point she was leaving the country again in a few hours.


If you see her again, you should totally ask her out! :smthumbup:


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> That sounds like a FUN trip! Did you pick it specifically for the ring burial at Machu Picchu? Why do you want to bury it there specifically?
> 
> 
> 
> :


Ive always wanted to go there. I have visited the ancient Mayan ruins, it is the Incan civilization turn. Next will hopefully be Egyptians, or the Greek, or Romans, or Khmer, or anything ancient...

You know? I am kinda tired of dating and reading about dating. I do have a confesion, I never got rid or ended things with the new guy.
THings are actually going well, he has not pushed me to aknowledge our "relationship" to the world. He has mellowed down a lot, he offers me emotional support all the time. We actually talk on the phone a lot! 
We talk about anything and everything and I am debating whether I should tell him my history. He is rapidly becoming my best friend even though we are having sex. We are on a monogamous relationship, yet nobody in my family knows. 
His son knows because he is there when I visit. 
We make plans for the future and it does not scare me at all, for example we are making plans for the fall to visit his sister in NJ and I was actually okay with that.
I know that when things end, we will remain friends. I am really glad I found him, he is not only a great lover but a good friend as well.
I like what I have going on with him.


----------



## ne9907

My piece of advise for you guys!


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> Barcode,
> 
> I agree with the others. For a guy, this would be the perfect FWB situation. He can be there for you emotionally and you can be there for him as well with sex added into the mix. Just be upfront about it. Let him know you are gay and won't be falling for him so he knows what to expect. I would try this with an alpha. A beta would start catching feelings after getting a glimpse of you naked lol.


Hell yeah, makes note to self: Look for gay women for FWBs - less chance of emo!

Not all gays are bi though


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Does anyone know why Happy as a Clam got banned? I love her posts...!


----------



## lonelyhusband321

3Xnocharm said:


> Does anyone know why Happy as a Clam got banned? I love her posts...!


I did, too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I am taking my wedding band and leaving it somewhere in Machu Picchu.


Good one. You know you've moved wayyyyy on after a divorce when you see the words 'wedding band' and think, wow, she has a gig for her band in Peru...(did not know she had a band, but, whatever) and then envisioning a few trumpeters, trombonists, flutists, drummers, etc. thinking oh sh*t where the h*ll are we and how do we get home.


----------



## TooNice

So, gang...in less than 12 hours I will officially be a "Single of TAM". 

I've gotten some great advice from many kind people, had a nice talk with my lawyer today, and I think I'm ready. Given the phone messages and FB notes I've had already tonight, I think I will need to shut off my phone in the morning until it's all over. I am overwhelmed by the love and support I have. I'm afraid that's what going to make me cry! 

So, I'm off to take a deep breath, maybe cry a little more tonight, and practice my game face. Let's get this thing done.


----------



## lonelyhusband321

TooNice said:


> So, gang...in less than 12 hours I will officially be a "Single of TAM".
> 
> I've gotten some great advice from many kind people, had a nice talk with my lawyer today, and I think I'm ready. Given the phone messages and FB notes I've had already tonight, I think I will need to shut off my phone in the morning until it's all over. I am overwhelmed by the love and support I have. I'm afraid that's what going to make me cry!
> 
> So, I'm off to take a deep breath, maybe cry a little more tonight, and practice my game face. Let's get this thing done.


You are going to go through some turbulence, TooNice, but you WILL come through it, and you WILL be in a better place.

PM me if you want to talk through it all. I've been there....


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> So, gang...in less than 12 hours I will officially be a "Single of TAM".
> 
> I've gotten some great advice from many kind people, had a nice talk with my lawyer today, and I think I'm ready. Given the phone messages and FB notes I've had already tonight, I think I will need to shut off my phone in the morning until it's all over. I am overwhelmed by the love and support I have. I'm afraid that's what going to make me cry!
> 
> So, I'm off to take a deep breath, maybe cry a little more tonight, and practice my game face. Let's get this thing done.


The weight is about to be lifted! You'll do great!


----------



## bkyln309

Last night I had plans that fell through. The guy who I mentioned before I wasnt sure I was attracted to texted me and asked if by any chance my plans changed and I was available. I said yes the did so he brought over a bottle of wine and we talked. There was definitely more attraction than the first time. We are going out to dinner tonight. I guess things are heating up.

And I have had one guy pop back into the picture and I am seeing him on Saturday night. 

So my kidless weekend is turning into a huge dating weekend. Sunday will be to recover from all this.


----------



## FeministInPink

Kids, I think my time on TAM has come to an end.

I wish you all the best of luck with your post-divorce adventures, and think of you all kindly.

Over and out.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Kids, I think my time on TAM has come to an end.
> 
> I wish you all the best of luck with your post-divorce adventures, and think of you all kindly.
> 
> Over and out.


What? This makes me sad. 

I wish you the best, but your wisdom will be sorely missed.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Kids, I think my time on TAM has come to an end.
> 
> I wish you all the best of luck with your post-divorce adventures, and think of you all kindly.
> 
> Over and out.


Gonna miss you, doll. 

Maybe we can head out for that beer one day. 

Be well.


----------



## Jellybeans

TooNice said:


> So, I'm off to take a deep breath, maybe cry a little more tonight, and practice my game face. Let's get this thing done.


You are strong.  Hugs.



bkyln309 said:


> LThere was definitely more attraction than the first time. We are going out to dinner tonight. I guess things are heating up.
> 
> And I have had one guy pop back into the picture and I am seeing him on Saturday night.


Bow chicka bow wow! :smthumbup:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Kids, I think my time on TAM has come to an end.
> 
> I wish you all the best of luck with your post-divorce adventures, and think of you all kindly.
> 
> Over and out.


Say WHAT? NO! Dont go!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Kids, I think my time on TAM has come to an end.
> 
> I wish you all the best of luck with your post-divorce adventures, and think of you all kindly.
> 
> Over and out.


What? Nooooooo!! We'll miss you FIP. Anything in particular bring on this change?


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks, everyone. It makes me feel loved, knowing that you all will miss me.

Yes, there is something specific that brought about this change. No, I won't be posting about it.

It's just time for me to move on.


----------



## Lifescript

Be well FIP.


----------



## Jellybeans

Anyone else experience mass cold spells? We are SO cold here. Single digits and supposed to get hit with 5ish inches of snow tomorrow.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Anyone else experience mass cold spells? We are SO cold here. Single digits and supposed to get hit with 5ish inches of snow tomorrow.



Don't know of what you speak. A bit of a drizzle but still shorts and t weather


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ikaika said:


> Don't know of what you speak. A bit of a drizzle but still shorts and t weather


Oh, YOU SUCK SO MUCH!


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Good one. You know you've moved wayyyyy on after a divorce when you see the words 'wedding band' and think, wow, she has a gig for her band in Peru...(did not know she had a band, but, whatever) and then envisioning a few trumpeters, trombonists, flutists, drummers, etc. thinking oh sh*t where the h*ll are we and how do we get home.


This was funny, made me laugh 



FeministInPink said:


> Thanks, everyone. It makes me feel loved, knowing that you all will miss me.
> 
> Yes, there is something specific that brought about this change. No, I won't be posting about it.
> 
> It's just time for me to move on.


Take care of yourself FiP!~
Stay Gold!!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Kids, I think my time on TAM has come to an end.
> 
> I wish you all the best of luck with your post-divorce adventures, and think of you all kindly.
> 
> Over and out.


Wait... what?! 

I may not express it much but I always value your posts...please stay! ray:

Or at least drop in randomly like me no?


----------



## vi_bride04

Jellybeans said:


> Anyone else experience mass cold spells? We are SO cold here. Single digits and supposed to get hit with 5ish inches of snow tomorrow.


I dream of single digits, the past few days actual temps have been -10 or colder with a 20mph wind.


----------



## TooNice

We have a heat wave of high 20's today, but the forcast for the next week looks like it's all over the place. I love the Midwest. :-/


----------



## Ikaika

TooNice said:


> We have a heat wave of high 20's today, but the forcast for the next week looks like it's all over the place. I love the Midwest. :-/



Not for me, I love the tropics.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> Anyone else experience mass cold spells? We are SO cold here. Single digits and supposed to get hit with 5ish inches of snow tomorrow.


It's going to get to about -50c tonight.


----------



## Jellybeans

OMG, Daddio! I'm sorry! That sucks!

We got about 7 inches of snow here. I went out to get groceries early this morning and the roads were completely covered in snow. It's sleeting now. I think snow is so beautiful but it is so dangerous to drive in. So I am snowed in at home with wine and good music.  Not that I can actually go out anywhere. It's kind of nice.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> OMG, Daddio! I'm sorry! That sucks!
> 
> We got about 7 inches of snow here. I went out to get groceries early this morning and the roads were completely covered in snow. It's sleeting now. I think snow is so beautiful but it is so dangerous to drive in. So I am snowed in at home with wine and good music.  Not that I can actually go out anywhere. It's kind of nice.



So, island boy here... What exactly is sleet? 

Oh, and we are heading out to the beach a little later this afternoon. Our dog loves the beach.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> OMG, Daddio! I'm sorry! That sucks!
> 
> We got about 7 inches of snow here. I went out to get groceries early this morning and the roads were completely covered in snow. It's sleeting now. I think snow is so beautiful but it is so dangerous to drive in. So I am snowed in at home with wine and good music.  Not that I can actually go out anywhere. It's kind of nice.


That's one thing we haven't really had a lot of this year, snow. A few days here and there but not nearly as much as years before. We've actually had a good winter, the last 2-3 weeks have been rather cold but it started late and December / January at times almost got to the pluses.

The banana bread and peanut butter cookies we baked today takes away from what's going on outside. Lol.


----------



## moxy

It's warm where I am. I have spent most of the day on a balcony, reading and eating fruit. Now that it's dark, I might have some coffee and clean house for a while. Strange, but I feel a bit burnt out on the idea of dating, and solitude sounds appealing for the time being.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ikaika said:


> So, island boy here... What exactly is sleet?
> 
> Oh, and we are heading out to the beach a little later this afternoon. Our dog loves the beach.


Its like, frozen rain...frozen as it comes down. Its misery.


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> Its like, frozen rain...frozen as it comes down. Its misery.



Yuk, E komo mai, the islands are calling all my frozen friends.


----------



## Lon

06Daddio08 said:


> It's going to get to about -50c tonight.


You embellish, and also are wimpy for including wind chill


----------



## daddymikey1975

moxy said:


> I feel a bit burnt out on the idea of dating, and solitude sounds appealing for the time being.


I'm with ya Moxy. I have an expensive project coming up and don't want to spend a bunch of money to wine and dine someone right now. I also have my kids quite a bit too and my spare time is limited. 

Such a hard place to be in.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lon said:


> You embellish, and also are wimpy for including wind chill


Bahaha. That wind is friggin nasty this time around. My car knows no difference!


----------



## Ikaika

The only unique weather system we have here is vog (volcanic smog). When we get no winds or Kona winds (coming in the southerly direction), the steam from the active volcanic vents blows over the entire state. Other than that it is a comfortable 22C right now, 7:30a


----------



## Lon

06Daddio08 said:


> Bahaha. That wind is friggin nasty this time around. My car knows no difference!


I find wind chill does effect the car, if I'm not leaving it parked for more than a few hours. The wind takes the heat out of the engine block and the battery much sooner. Once it's cold though, it's as cold as it's gonna get.


----------



## TooNice

The weather here in the coming days. Why do I live here?


----------



## vi_bride04

Wooooo


----------



## RandomDude

Wonder if I should call ex-GF, or to give her some more space.

With enough space we may be able to salvage our rather established sexual relations aside from the emotional entanglements and expectations. Would be a waste of a year otherwise.

Hmmm, nah, not yet. Definitely not yet, and I'm not sure if we can go back to FWBs. Besides we both need space to heal. Stupid celibacy...


----------



## GA HEART

Oooo, can I join? Pretty please? 

I'm a 4 year ago divorcee and fresh out of a failed 2 year LTR. Yay life! LOL!

Single rocks. I really enjoyed the 2 years after the divorce. (Well, after the healing part anyway.) Sure, the lonelies suck. But I have way too much going for me to allow myself too frequent pity parties. (They do hit, however....it's life!)

So, what's for lunch? I'm already hungry and left the leftovers at home. Ooops! Don't have too many choices in the small town where I work, but I'm thinking Subway.


----------



## GA HEART

RandomDude said:


> Wonder if I should call ex-GF, or to give her some more space.
> 
> With enough space we may be able to salvage our rather established sexual relations aside from the emotional entanglements and expectations. Would be a waste of a year otherwise.
> 
> Hmmm, nah, not yet. Definitely not yet, and I'm not sure if we can go back to FWBs. Besides we both need space to heal. Stupid celibacy...


FWB after relationship would be hard for me. We broke up for a reason! But I've known folks that do it. More power to ya, rock on! LOL!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> The weather here in the coming days. Why do I live here?
> View attachment 32473


Similar here, too...right now its 5F out, high is supposed to be around 13. I am SO DONE with all of this.


----------



## GA HEART

Whoooo, don't get me started on weather!! The freezing temps took one of my best chickens, and then it jumped up to 60's and RAINED so hard I almost lost one of my coops due to water accumulation on the roof. It bent the structure pretty badly. My boys and I fixed it as best we could, then it deluged on us AGAIN all night. I'm scared to see what it looks like when I get home tonight. 

Thank you God, for watering the plants.....but I don't think drowning them is entirely necessary! LOL!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> So, island boy here... What exactly is sleet?


It's like little ice pellets falling out of the sky. Imagine rain but it's ice. 










We're in the 30s today which is warm for us compared to how it's been lately. INSANE.

I really need to move to Florida.


----------



## GA HEART

I live in the south for a reason! I hate the cold. But I don't like the blistering, humid hot either. Is there such a place that actually stays decent year round?


----------



## TooNice

This...


----------



## Acoa

44 and happily single now for 4 months. 

Decided to start dating a couple of weeks ago. After hearing a few friends talk about how it's all about rejection and it takes a long time to find anyone worth dating, I was prepared for a it to be a real pain the butt. But, I've been pleasantly surprised. 

Once I 'outed' myself that I was ready to start dating, I've had multiple women in my social circles showing me a lot of interest. I had also signed up on Match, and found meeting real people with interesting lives was pretty easy. The whole seeing multiple people at once was the real pain. I had 3 dates in 1 week with 3 different women. I can't juggle that much information in my head at once. I know I'll start confusing details. So, had to reset my expectations to focus on 1 women per week max. 

So, how many times do you go out with someone before you start talking exclusivity?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

GA HEART said:


> I live in the south for a reason! I hate the cold. But I don't like the blistering, humid hot either. Is there such a place that actually stays decent year round?


San Diego.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> San Diego.



I'm a bit bias and all male 

http://youtu.be/QORxeLuY0O8


----------



## Ikaika

And then living here, there are the playgrounds:

http://youtu.be/HeoC_koEzd8

http://youtu.be/cn_QkLiVZTg

http://youtu.be/9UOvvT6unl0


----------



## EnjoliWoman

But to get anywhere besides whichever one island you're on, you have to fly. At least San Diego you can get in the car and drive.

I used to work with a woman from San Diego. She came back because of family but loved it - said it was nearly always around 70 degrees with a moderate breeze.


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> But to get anywhere besides whichever one island you're on, you have to fly. At least San Diego you can get in the car and drive.



Why would you want to go anywhere else


----------



## motl

Acoa said:


> So, how many times do you go out with someone before you start talking exclusivity?


When you want to be exclusive.

Not magic answer. Some will become exclusive within the first few dates while others will take weeks or months. Sort of depends on if either of you have other good candidates in the picture and how well you hit it off.


----------



## vi_bride04

Baklava and aged Gouda... Mmmmm.... Love the sweet with the tart


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Geez, where is everybody? Its like a ghost town on our little thread!


----------



## Jellybeans

Hello


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Hello



Hey now, and I don't even belong here.


----------



## Ikaika

And current conditions


----------



## EnjoliWoman

OMG the sweet/tart comment made me think of my dinner the other night - I took a pack of low fat crescent rolls and laid out four triangles. Topped with some lovely tart, moldy triple creme cheese, on top of that bacon maple onion jam, put the other triangle on top and baked. Had with wine. Yes I ate all four. OMG SO GOOD.

I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


----------



## TooNice

EnjoliWoman said:


> I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


:iagree:

Oh, I sure hope they're out there. That's exactly who I'd like to find, too!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

EnjoliWoman said:


> OMG the sweet/tart comment made me think of my dinner the other night - I took a pack of low fat crescent rolls and laid out four triangles. Topped with some lovely tart, moldy triple creme cheese, on top of that bacon maple onion jam, put the other triangle on top and baked. Had with wine. Yes I ate all four. OMG SO GOOD.
> 
> I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


I'm not a foodie, so when I read "moldy" creme cheese, I go squick!


----------



## Acoa

EnjoliWoman said:


> OMG the sweet/tart comment made me think of my dinner the other night - I took a pack of low fat crescent rolls and laid out four triangles. Topped with some lovely tart, moldy triple creme cheese, on top of that bacon maple onion jam, put the other triangle on top and baked. Had with wine. Yes I ate all four. OMG SO GOOD.
> 
> I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


If you ever get to Chicago look me up. It's a foodie paradise here. Which doesn't quite make up for the fact it's only 27 F outside right now, and that is going to be the high temp this week. Hitting -8 on Thursday. Oh joy.


----------



## lonelyhusband321

EnjoliWoman said:


> OMG the sweet/tart comment made me think of my dinner the other night - I took a pack of low fat crescent rolls and laid out four triangles. Topped with some lovely tart, moldy triple creme cheese, on top of that bacon maple onion jam, put the other triangle on top and baked. Had with wine. Yes I ate all four. OMG SO GOOD.
> 
> I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


Move to the Napa Valley!

Spent a LOT of time there, and the entire area is what you describe.


----------



## vi_bride04

EnjoliWoman said:


> OMG the sweet/tart comment made me think of my dinner the other night - I took a pack of low fat crescent rolls and laid out four triangles. Topped with some lovely tart, moldy triple creme cheese, on top of that bacon maple onion jam, put the other triangle on top and baked. Had with wine. Yes I ate all four. OMG SO GOOD.
> 
> I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

lonelyhusband321 said:


> Move to the Napa Valley!
> 
> Spent a LOT of time there, and the entire area is what you describe.


Tart and moldy?


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> Geez, where is everybody? Its like a ghost town on our little thread!



I have been totally swamped with work, but also really stressed out and a little mopey, lately. So, I haven't been as present on the forum as usual. However, I'm reading what everyone's posting, and I mean to reply when I have more time. 

Work is full of politics and that makes me anxious. I have a bunch of deadlines, too, which I hope to tackle very soon.


----------



## RandomDude

Same, though I've mostly on the road and on the phone lately, think I'm going to buy one of these:










If things don't improve...


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Work has been busy although not productive. My private life suck (read: nonexistent) even though I'm on match and a friend made an introduction. I'm just sort of bummed out and annoyed. 

I looked on meetup and I swear mostly it's women. Men don't seem to do the meetup stuff. I found a group going on a 7-8 mile hike at a relatively close mountain/park and I got excited seeing a decent number of men so I clicked on who was attending and I think the oldest was mid-30s. Where are the 45-50 year olds???? Sitting at a bar watching football? 

Maybe I should start going to events favored by 20-somethings and ask them to introduce me to their fathers. 

ETA: I am seriously considering an introduction service. But it makes me wonder about the clientele - are the men too busy (meaning no real time for a relationship, either) or too meek or boring?


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

EnjoliWoman said:


> I looked on meetup and I swear mostly it's women. Men don't seem to do the meetup stuff. I found a group going on a 7-8 mile hike at a relatively close mountain/park and I got excited seeing a decent number of men so I clicked on who was attending and I think the oldest was mid-30s. Where are the 45-50 year olds???? Sitting at a bar watching football?


There's a psych thesis in there somewhere. Men do online dating to find women to do things with, and women do meetup to find things to do that hopefully involve men? The only difference I can see is the emphasis on dating (aka sex).


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Work has been busy although not productive. My private life suck (read: nonexistent) even though I'm on match and a friend made an introduction. I'm just sort of bummed out and annoyed.
> 
> I looked on meetup and I swear mostly it's women. Men don't seem to do the meetup stuff. I found a group going on a 7-8 mile hike at a relatively close mountain/park and I got excited seeing a decent number of men so I clicked on who was attending and I think the oldest was mid-30s. Where are the 45-50 year olds???? Sitting at a bar watching football?
> 
> Maybe I should start going to events favored by 20-somethings and ask them to introduce me to their fathers.
> 
> ETA: I am seriously considering an introduction service. But it makes me wonder about the clientele - are the men too busy (meaning no real time for a relationship, either) or too meek or boring?



Well, one can save their money and visit the Aloha state, just saying.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I looked on meetup and I swear mostly it's women. Men don't seem to do the meetup stuff. I found a group going on a 7-8 mile hike at a relatively close mountain/park and I got excited seeing a decent number of men so I clicked on who was attending and I think the oldest was mid-30s. Where are the 45-50 year olds???? Sitting at a bar watching football?
> 
> Maybe I should start going to events favored by 20-somethings and ask them to introduce me to their fathers.
> 
> ETA: I am seriously considering an introduction service. But it makes me wonder about the clientele - are the men too busy (meaning no real time for a relationship, either) or too meek or boring?


Does Meetup or another similar service offer something specific to the age group you are seeking? You could try that out and see what happens.

Re: introduction service - you never know unless you try.


----------



## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> I need to date a foodie that wants to try all sorts of new restaurants/dishes and tour wineries/go to wine tastings.


Problem solved! Date me! LOL

:rofl:


----------



## GA HEART

Not that I'm attempting to date anytime soon, but I have checked into meetup. NOTHING in my area. Not one darn group within an hour and a half drive. Being in the boonies is awful. I did the PoF thing for a while after my divorce and it had it's perks (heh) but there wasn't much luck finding folks I was compatible with. I think I"m too picky. LOL!


----------



## GA HEART

WHICH, leads me to wonder......where is the line between too picky and settling? I swear it's so fuzzy it's non-existant!


----------



## Jellybeans

That's a great question, GA! 

Settling I think is when you know someone is not compatible with you and/or make you unhappy/you aren't happy in the relationship yet you stay just for the sake having being/in a relationship.

Too picky - that can vary by person. LOL.


----------



## ne9907

Good morning all~

I have an important inspection today, more like a formality...

I am reading a great book, waiting anxiously for next month, still talking to the new guy, and things are looking good for this girl...


----------



## ne9907

GA HEART said:


> Not that I'm attempting to date anytime soon, but I have checked into meetup. NOTHING in my area. Not one darn group within an hour and a half drive. Being in the boonies is awful. I did the PoF thing for a while after my divorce and it had it's perks (heh) but there wasn't much luck finding folks I was compatible with. I think I"m too picky. LOL!


Make sure you voice exactly what you want when you start dating.

All of us go through our enlightening phase, we believe we know what we want, or we simply go with the flow just to get sex.

WHen I first began dating, I will admit I knew not what I wanted, and thus started a couple of relationships without taking full accountability of my emotional needs.

I believed that sex was all I wanted/needed. The other day, my therapist said something that finally opened my eyes

"you go into these relationships telling these men you only want sex, so they do not invest in you, they do not think your feelings are important. Change that"

New guy is nothing amazing, he is simply human, he is blue collar, a common man, and totally different from what I know... but he has shown me on several occasions that he cares and wants to nurture whatever it is we have. I am still a bit afraid, for example on Sunday I was at his place, we were getting ready to sleep. It was about 1130 pm, I began freakign out and left his place, drove two hours to mine and he understood. He completely understands that I WILL freak out and I know he will be there when moments like that happen. THey will happen a lot. 

Enough rambling, my point is that, do not get discouraged. Companionship and love is a proccess, you will find that someone and if things do not work out, then find someone else. 

Good luck!


----------



## Jellybeans

Ne, what book are you reading?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I belong to about 8 meetup groups. 

One is "Life after 40" which is geared towards activities for empty nesters. This translates to a few pleasant couples and a bunch of frumpy 50-something (or they just look that way in their sweatshirts with embroidered landscapes and mom jeans). My guy friend and I would sometimes go to these - often comedy shows.

There is Dating after 40 which has about 3 decent looking guys, 10 ****ty looking MILFs (tight, low cut, etc) and another 10 of aforementioned frumpy ones. The group shots of activities always show the same guys surrounded by the MILFs and a table of frumpy women with daiquiris 'whooping' it up like they are part of a knitting club. 

There is "Good Eats and Meets" which seems to be all 30sih people but the problem is most of their events are on weeknights - probably when the high end/cool restaurants are slow.

There is a running club for slow runners - mostly women. I notice men prefer to run alone. I see a lot of nice looking men at the track or trail and they are ALWAYS alone except sometimes the firemen run in pairs. 

Wine club - seems to be mostly women around my age - they tend to take bus trips to wineries and there have been a few on weekends but that's a little pricey. I'd rather meet a man and the two of us drive to some wineries.

There's a professional after hours thing I thought would be good and went to an after work mixer - it's a lot of young women and a few young entrepreneurs. 

The Outdoor Adventures group seems OK but some of the stuff they do is more strenuous (rock climbing) than I'd like to try.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Ne, what book are you reading?


I am sci fi freak. It is RAMA II, by Arthur C Clark, no literay jewel... but I LOVE SCI FI!!!


----------



## daddymikey1975

So how was everyone's day? Mine was crazy busy at work with end of the month stuff and a business system software switch next week. 

I ditched "niles gal"... She was just too needy and was always sending me nudie pics (unprovoked mind you). 

" Union gal " and I still text frequently. Not sure if there's a romantic interest or Companionship interest. She came over to my place for dinner once and our schedules haven't meshed up yet for a proper first date. Lol


----------



## GA HEART

I had a great day! My boys cooked dinner. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Ugh work... Gonna get really busy really quick


----------



## TooNice

Work has been super busy for me, too. I love it, though.
Played trivia with some friends at a local pub tonight. We have a standing date every week, so that was fun. 

I'll chime in on the dating thing, too. With the divorce finalized on Friday, I splurged and paid a little for Match. Definitely different guys there than the other sites I've tried. (I disabled PoF; was not impressed.) We'll see what happens there. I'm ready to go on nice date or two, but not going to push it. 

Headed to bed now. One day closer to the weekend, friends!


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. 

An update to my dating: My CIO guy and I saw each other Saturday. His mom broke her hip Friday so our date was cancelled. That was three times in one week which was apparently too much because I havent heard from him since. We had a great time but I guess he is having second thoughts. No big deal. I was unsure about him from the start. 

I met three other potentials online. One is clearly my favorite but I think it may not work out because he is done raising kids and mine are still elementary school age. But we are going out next weekend when the kids are gone. He is such a gentlemen (yes they do still exist). The other one is a nurse and is a riot. We are going on a hike next weekend. And the third is a director of a local news station. Im not sure I like him at all but he is nice. There is a fourth but he lives about 1.5 hours away so I am not including him.

Thats it for now. Nothing solid and they will probably all cancel before next weekend (I have the kids this weekend so Im not going out).


----------



## bkyln309

TooNice said:


> Work has been super busy for me, too. I love it, though.
> Played trivia with some friends at a local pub tonight. We have a standing date every week, so that was fun.
> 
> I'll chime in on the dating thing, too. With the divorce finalized on Friday, I splurged and paid a little for Match. Definitely different guys there than the other sites I've tried. (I disabled PoF; was not impressed.) We'll see what happens there. I'm ready to go on nice date or two, but not going to push it.
> 
> Headed to bed now. One day closer to the weekend, friends!


I like ******* the best honestly. Their app on the IPHONE is great.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> I like ******* the best honestly. Their app on the IPHONE is great.


Is OKC considered a hookup app like Tinder or more serious business like Match? 

When my time comes I'll just try them all.


----------



## TooNice

bkyln309 said:


> I like ******* the best honestly. Their app on the IPHONE is great.


I had some fair luck with OkC early on, and I still maintain a profile there. They do seem to have a reasonable system. Seems to be a bit saturated for me now, though. I stopped reaching out, and I'm really just there to continue a couple of nice conversations I have going. The rejection of the online dating scene is just depressing at times. 

Makes me childishly hope my ex and the OW break up sooner rather than later so he can experience the joys of modern dating, too. 
:banghead:


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> I had some fair luck with OkC early on, and I still maintain a profile there. They do seem to have a reasonable system. Seems to be a bit saturated for me now, though. I stopped reaching out, and I'm really just there to continue a couple of nice conversations I have going. The rejection of the online dating scene is just depressing at times.
> 
> Makes me childishly hope my ex and the OW break up sooner rather than later so he can experience the joys of modern dating, too.
> :banghead:


Ha! 

Based on what I've read online dating is tough business. I will try it just to experience it and maybe I get lucky. Truth is you have a better chance meeting someone through your social network than online I think. 

I have a feeling once my divorce is final and people know it's done and over with I'll get interest from places I don't suspect and get introduced to some people or so I hope lol


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> Is OKC considered a hookup app like Tinder or more serious business like Match?
> 
> When my time comes I'll just try them all.


That's not a bad approach! I think as long as you are upfront about what you want, you can find people to meet on any of them. OkC has plenty of people looking to hook up, but there are some more serious people, too. And it seems to be feast or famine on all of the sites, though! Quiet for weeks, then boom-four guys talking at once. It's kinda weird. Lol!


----------



## bkyln309

I feel OKC is less of a hookup than PoF and Match. I think its simpler. Im on all three. I look at OLD as a sport. I dont take it too seriously but I am picky who I respond to. I am not looking for a hookup but I think its a numbers game. The more you play, you may actually hit pay dirt. By play, I mean go out and meet (not hookup). 

I do agree to meets early on. Alot cancel but I would rather not waste my time with men who flake. I have met some great people/new friends and I am hoping to find someone who I can date regularly. We shall see.

I find that going on these meets helps get me out of the house and not focus too much on being alone. I love my new life. I hope you do to.


----------



## ne9907

I come in peace.

I would love to share a FB page that is extremely amazing!! I lOVE IT!

It is called Rebelle Society (just search it on FB, go ahead, do it!)

It is full of wonderful articles...

Namaste!


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> I feel OKC is less of a hookup than PoF and Match. I think its simpler. Im on all three. I look at OLD as a sport. I dont take it too seriously but I am picky who I respond to. I am not looking for a hookup but I think its a numbers game. The more you play, you may actually hit pay dirt. By play, I mean go out and meet (not hookup).
> 
> I do agree to meets early on. Alot cancel but I would rather not waste my time with men who flake. I have met some great people/new friends and I am hoping to find someone who I can date regularly. We shall see.
> 
> I find that going on these meets helps get me out of the house and not focus too much on being alone. I love my new life. I hope you do to.


I think your approach is really good. Meet as soon as possible to know what's what. Time chatting and messaging is really a waste sometimes because when you meet someone in person is when you know if there's real attraction or not. 

When the divorce is final and and ready to put myself out there the goal will be to have fun, meet new people, build relationships and if I find someone who is compatible with me ... family oriented with great values, a good head on her shoulders and likes to have fun then great. I'd like to take another shot at having a big family. They say if you fail once try again so ... 

What happened with the guy who wanted to take you out on vacation overseas? Still talking to him? 

My life is good I'm happy to say. Happier now although its taken me a couple of years to recover from the breakup of my family and end of the marriage. Happy for the things I have like my son, my health, my hobbies and good looks  lol ... joking


----------



## Lifescript

Which day is better to go out on a date: Friday or Saturday? Here in NY Saturdays are always crazy crowded. Fridays you have a nice crowd but not crazy and happy hour is always good 

I've always looked at Friday as the boys or girls night out day and Saturday more as the day to go out on a date or with your partner.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Which day is better to go out on a date: Friday or Saturday? Here in NY Saturdays are always crazy crowded. Fridays you have a nice crowd but not crazy and happy hour is always good
> 
> *I've always looked at Friday as the boys or girls night out day and Saturday more as the day to go out on a date or with your partner.*


Really? I wasn't aware certain days were for certain people. 

In all honesty, I prefer weekday evening dates. Mixes things up a bit, I go on dates whenever it works out. Tuesday evening was the last one a couple weeks ago, one time it on a Saturday at 2pm where we met at a dog park.

If you're more concerned of when the best time "Happy Hour" is, then you know where your focus is.


----------



## 06Daddio08

One of the funniest things I keep hearing from people around me is "Why not find a woman who works out at your gym?" ... that would never fly for me.

A few weeks ago I was getting my 30 minute superset workout in (before I had to get the kids) and as I was switching sets I caught this one woman looking at me. I think she smiled ... while I was in the zone, which means I had my "serious" face on. I met her smile with a stern, sweaty look and then just kept going with my workout.

I've seen her there a few other times, she keeps to herself, does a lot of cardio and a bit of weights. Today I was working out and started to chat with a buddy and there she was off to the side behind him, working out on a machine. I caught her looking at me twice, back to back.

From what I can tell, she's probably a couple years older than me but other than that, I really can't get a read off of her. Which honestly intrigues me. There's nothing more appealing than someone who I can't get a rough blueprint of.

Unfortunately. I'm not a fan of messing up where I work out.

I guess this is a vent / rant more than anything. Lol. Been a while since I had one of those!


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> Which day is better to go out on a date: Friday or Saturday? Here in NY Saturdays are always crazy crowded. Fridays you have a nice crowd but not crazy and happy hour is always good
> 
> I've always looked at Friday as the boys or girls night out day and Saturday more as the day to go out on a date or with your partner.


I can see how it may be dependent on your area, but where I am, Fridays and Saturdays are comparable. I'm pretty busy, so I'm mostly interested in any day that works with both of our schedules!


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Really? I wasn't aware certain days were for certain people.
> 
> In all honesty, I prefer weekday evening dates. Mixes things up a bit, I go on dates whenever it works out. Tuesday evening was the last one a couple weeks ago, one time it on a Saturday at 2pm where we met at a dog park.
> 
> If you're more concerned of when the best time "Happy Hour" is, then you know where your focus is.


Last few times I went out with a girl was a Thursday night, Saturday night (she called me late saying she wanted to hang out) and a lunch during an off day from work. She brought her dog to the date which I thought was kind of rude. She saying a thing about it. 

I like going out Fridays. weekends feel longer when you go out Friday.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> One of the funniest things I keep hearing from people around me is "Why not find a woman who works out at your gym?" ... that would never fly for me.
> 
> A few weeks ago I was getting my 30 minute superset workout in (before I had to get the kids) and as I was switching sets I caught this one woman looking at me. I think she smiled ... while I was in the zone, which means I had my "serious" face on. I met her smile with a stern, sweaty look and then just kept going with my workout.
> 
> I've seen her there a few other times, she keeps to herself, does a lot of cardio and a bit of weights. Today I was working out and started to chat with a buddy and there she was off to the side behind him, working out on a machine. I caught her looking at me twice, back to back.
> 
> From what I can tell, she's probably a couple years older than me but other than that, I really can't get a read off of her. Which honestly intrigues me. There's nothing more appealing than someone who I can't get a rough blueprint of.
> 
> Unfortunately. I'm not a fan of messing up where I work out.
> 
> I guess this is a vent / rant more than anything. Lol. Been a while since I had one of those!


Chat her up just to see what's there. You lose nothing. Gym and work is not the same. Easier to change gyms than switch jobs if things don't work out.


----------



## RandomDude

I wouldn't, rather keep a lady friend as far away from my life schedule as possible until more settled.

Right now tempted to text my ex-gf, see where she's at, and if she's still pissed at me dumping her 2 days from V day. What to say though? "Hi... still pissed?"


----------



## daddymikey1975

RandomDude said:


> I wouldn't, rather keep a lady friend as far away from my life schedule as possible until more settled.
> 
> Right now tempted to text my ex-gf, see where she's at, and if she's still pissed at me dumping her 2 days from V day. What to say though? "Hi... still pissed?"


How about "How's it going? Saw (insert something here) today and it made me think of you" 

Or just ask how she's doing. 

"good morning. If you're not still mad, want some sexyfuntimes this weekend? "

Lol


----------



## RandomDude

Heh well, actually I'm more interested in just a very slight show of interest, enough to let her know that I'm still thinking of her, but not ready for her yet (which I'm not), hard to find a balance with the words.

Very close to closure with my ex-wife however, right now it's more like "we both made mistakes, we've grown apart, but lets go on with life" and both of us are coming to accept it as the divorce is finalised, I just wish it's that easy with our daughter. Over the next few months I also have rather large, and perhaps slightly over ambitious expansion projects set in motion. If I can keep everyone happy on that department, I will have much less stress and free up more headspace for a relationship.

Then, I need to come to terms with myself... ex-GF has to wait, I hope she does, but I'm ready to move on if she won't, and I don't really expect her to, but I hope... if only I can figure out what to say...


----------



## Jellybeans

06Daddio08 said:


> In all honesty, I prefer weekday evening dates. Mixes things up a bit


I like a random weekday date, too. 



06Daddio08 said:


> Unfortunately. I'm not a fan of messing up where I work out.


Same. I don't do gym and dating at all.



Lifescript said:


> Which day is better to go out on a date: Friday or Saturday?



I prefer a Saturday. Friday I am usually so spent from my week.

The issue I've had as of late with dating is that I find it too time-consuming. I have a very busy schedule with hardly any "me" days so when I am off and have free time, knowing that a date will be involved (and usually a longer one to make up for the time I didn't see someone), I ind myself feeling agitated at having to give up some of my own time to entertain, spend time with someone else. One gentleman type enjoys coming over and wants to stay long and even the night - but I do not want to get in that habit. It took me a long time to come to terms with being ok with being alone and I don't want to share my space with anyone or make a habit out of it. He thought I would be upset if/when he left but I was like, No, I am actually SUPER ok with it and I'm not going to be sad. He didn't seem to want to leave. I am Aquarius so I am not like static-cling. Maybe it's not even about meeting "the right one" it's just that I have almost no time to myself during the week and it sucks bad; so when I do have free time, I really need it to myself before I start feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. I am an introvert anyway; I don't need to be around people 24/7. It starts feeling claustrophobic. I guess I feel resentful at having to spend some of my only free time with someone else...habitually.


----------



## unsure78

Really RD, I do think you made a mistake breaking it off with her...she sounded like a quality girl.

I had quite a lot of success in online dating and found it quite fun over the last few years. As long as you don't get overly invested to early and just enjoy the experience of meeting new people, it can be fun. Script you will do fine 

Just for some amusement... in the last 2 weeks I have had 2 to former guys come around out of the blue, however I am happily in a good relationshipm

(For Jelly) One was slow hat, who actually asked me out on a real date! He is wating for my current relationship to end and then wants to date me... second one also wanted to date me if my current didnt work out... apparently there is a line forming for me to be single..lol i will say it was amusing


----------



## Jellybeans

Good 'ol Slow! He never gives up!


----------



## Lifescript

RD, 

It's obvious that you miss being with her. I don't understand why you broke things off with her. From your posts you sound like a very busy man with lots going on and that's great. Women actually like that. If movie stars and millionaires businessmen can handle business and be in a relationship so can you. She may be dying to hear from you. Give her a call. Just be honest and say what's on your mind. If you need things to be taken more slow then say that to her. 

JB,

I hear you on the introvert thing. I made a weekly schedule last night. Setting time for different things like hobbies, going out and stuff. Honestly some of the a times I set for going out and visiting a new spot: place/bar/event ... whatever I'll probably just stay home and relax. I'm a homebody. Maybe a little too much. 

Unsure, 

Glad to hear you are in a relationship and doing well. Forget about slow hat. He's ... Slow


----------



## GA HEART

Lol, when I broke up with my bf, my phone and facebook blew up! Several of my guy friends who had been waiting in the wings tries to hit me up. Even a guy (creeper) at work asked me out the first WEEK. Gah! 

Two problems with these "potentials." 1. I am no where near ready. And (probably the biggest one) 2. I have zero desire to date these fellas. The creeper at work is self explainatory, but the majority of the others are long distance, and I'm just not even gonna go there. Besides, I really don't have a thing for any of them anyway. (Which is probably telling about me, because they are good guys.) Its just thateach one has something glaring that I don't want to deal with (aside from distance.) One is a single dad to 4 small kids. One is almost twice my age and is a lil odd. One talks waaaaay too much and can't keep a job. And one is an old fling who trashed my heart at one point. (He's not considered to be one of the "good guys.")

I swear its always been this way. I get lots of attention, but its usually from guys that I'm not attracted to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

GA HEART said:


> I swear its always been this way. I get lots of attention, but its usually from guys that I'm not attracted to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep...the only ones who actually want me are the ones I dont want!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep...the only ones who actually want me are the ones I dont want!


Now you all see my true pain. 3X doesn't want me.


----------



## Jellybeans

GA HEART said:


> I get lots of attention, but its usually from guys that I'm not attracted to.


Here's hoping some stud hits you up soon, GA Heart!


----------



## TooNice

GA HEART said:


> I get lots of attention, but its usually from guys that I'm not attracted to.


Yep, while I have little experience with meeting guys the "old fashioned" way, this has been my overall assessment of OLD, with a few exceptions. 

Hence me backing off and slowing it way down. If I can go on one or two solid dates every so often, I'd really like that. I'm not in a hurry, so I feel like it's ok for me to be a little choosy.


----------



## Lifescript

GA Heart, 

I'm curious ... who has a better chance - The bad guy?


----------



## GA HEART

Lifescript.....NO WAY. LOL! He is last on the list. Beyond last. I had feelings about 3.5 years ago but that was a DISASTER. I never really think about him much, he's always the one that texts me. NO desire to go there. None. He was AMAZING in bed though, and while that has piqued my interest as a FWB, I don't really think it's something I want to pursue with him either. I"m just not at that place right now. (Don't get me wrong.....coming out of a sex-starved relationship definitely has me interested in sex! Haha!)

JB - I'm ok with a non-stud as long as he has the personality traits I"m looking for! (Stud would be icing on the cake, but to be honest.....when I love someone they are the most handsome thing on the planet to me anyway!)


----------



## Lifescript

GA HEART said:


> Lifescript.....NO WAY. LOL! He is last on the list. Beyond last. I had feelings about 3.5 years ago but that was a DISASTER. I never really think about him much, he's always the one that texts me. NO desire to go there. None. He was AMAZING in bed though, and while that has piqued my interest as a FWB, I don't really think it's something I want to pursue with him either. I"m just not at that place right now. (Don't get me wrong.....coming out of a sex-starved relationship definitely has me interested in sex! Haha!)
> 
> JB - I'm ok with a non-stud as long as he has the personality traits I"m looking for! (Stud would be icing on the cake, but to be honest.....when I love someone they are the most handsome thing on the planet to me anyway!)


Lol ... Buy you saying you've thought of him as FWB. Have the others been thought of that way? If no, he's winning.


----------



## Jellybeans

No, he's not winning if she says she isn't feeling him anymore. And she said she isn't.

Someone can be a good at sex but bad at relationships. Sounds like he's in that category. And we ALL have had that experience.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> Now you all see my true pain. 3X doesn't want me.


As you WOULD be, if this were true, cuz I am AWESOME!  hahaha! We missed you round here, LS!


----------



## GA HEART

ExActly, JB! If I was just looking for a hookup, he would probably be it. (Hes also the only one ive gone there with anyway, which makes a difference.) But at this point, that is not what I want out of life.

if I had to pick out of my possibles right now, I would go for the guy that can't hold a job and talks too much. He is fine communicating via messenger or text, but on the phone I start to tune him out. He never takes a breath. Lol! But then there's the while job thing. He kinda comes across as a hot head. And that's not really my style either. Plus, he lives 2.5 hours away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

GA HEART said:


> ExActly, JB! If I was just looking for a hookup, he would probably be it. (Hes also the only one ive gone there with anyway, which makes a difference.) But at this point, that is not what I want out of life.
> 
> if I had to pick out of my possibles right now, I would go for the guy that can't hold a job and talks too much. He is fine communicating via messenger or text, but on the phone I start to tune him out. He never takes a breath. Lol! But then there's the while job thing. He kinda comes across as a hot head. And that's not really my style either. Plus, he lives 2.5 hours away.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gotcha.


----------



## RandomDude

unsure78 said:


> Really RD, I do think you made a mistake breaking it off with her...she sounded like a quality girl.
> 
> I had quite a lot of success in online dating and found it quite fun over the last few years. As long as you don't get overly invested to early and just enjoy the experience of meeting new people, it can be fun. Script you will do fine





Lifescript said:


> RD,
> 
> It's obvious that you miss being with her. I don't understand why you broke things off with her. From your posts you sound like a very busy man with lots going on and that's great. Women actually like that. If movie stars and millionaires businessmen can handle business and be in a relationship so can you. She may be dying to hear from you. Give her a call. Just be honest and say what's on your mind. If you need things to be taken more slow then say that to her.


The thing I'm worried about is that I'm not at my best when I'm in this state, and I'd rather she not see the demon behind my pretty face - as I'm sure some of you have noticed in some of my vent/rant posts (many I've deleted)

We've kept things on a consistently good note, and I'd rather it ended on a good note. Life is coming together however last few weeks and I'm much more stable. Hence I've been thinking of slowly getting back with her, but I don't know how to do so really, like - don't know what to say. Or if she has moved on. I also don't want to suck up to her if I am to get back together with her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude, I'm aware we haven't always seen eye to eye but in all honesty I think breaking up with her was the best thing for *you*. 

There are a lot of things that you need to work out within yourself, a few of them you have listed in the past and used them as reasoning to break up with her in the first place. Work out your issues that involve yourself personally and when you are feeling better with yourself, go for the 'girl that got away'.

Will she always be available? No. That, however, is no reason to sacrifice your self progression.

It's no secret, the thought of a relationship (especially the financial aspect) is at times rather frightful for you. There really isn't anything wrong with that. As long as you're working on it.

Settle your past, so you can actually live in the present. That's defiantly something you haven't done, from what I've seen at least.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Chat her up just to see what's there. You lose nothing. Gym and work is not the same. *Easier to change gyms* than switch jobs if things don't work out.


I love my gym. I'm not willing to give up something I love.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> I love my gym. I'm not willing to give up something I love.


That's fair. It could get messy so best to steer clear.


----------



## Lifescript

I get your point RD. I also understand what daddio is saying. But she may have issues too that she hasn't shown. No one is perfect. I've seen flaws in all the women I've talked or gone out with after the separation. Self improvement is never ending. Waiting until you are "fixed" may prove costly. Live your life. It's a short one.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, my issues are quite deep, to the point it's rather "manageable, but not fixable". To be able to manage it I need myself in a stable mind frame. I wasn't when I broke up with her, if we stayed on, she would have suffered more.

Right now it's temporary tranquility, pushing myself and others to settle matters in my life through the last few weeks have yielded promising results, with closure with my ex-wife, stability ensured with both shareholders and partners impressed with the direction I'm taking my business, as well as reflection as I near my 30th birthday. Slowly, I hope my daughter too will come to grips with the reality of divorce, as now she's no longer being fed false hope which occured during ex's "denial" stage of dealing with her grief.

These things do take time, and even though its tranquil now, next week could flare up my brain even more. The pain I caused my ex due to my issues is not something I want for my ex-GF if we are to get back together. In the end, we "burnt out" for lack of better words.

If I can simply express to her that I'm thinking of her, but not ready for her, well... I don't know, it may not be something she can accept, but, maybe that's the best option for now no?


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Well, my issues are quite deep, to the point it's rather "manageable, but not fixable". To be able to manage it I need myself in a stable mind frame. I wasn't when I broke up with her, if we stayed on, she would have suffered more.
> 
> Right now it's temporary tranquility, pushing myself and others to settle matters in my life through the last few weeks have yielded promising results, with closure with my ex-wife, stability ensured with both shareholders and partners impressed with the direction I'm taking my business, as well as reflection as I near my 30th birthday. Slowly, I hope my daughter too will come to grips with the reality of divorce, as now she's no longer being fed false hope which occured during ex's "denial" stage of dealing with her grief.
> 
> These things do take time, and even though its tranquil now, next week could flare up my brain even more. The pain I caused my ex due to my issues is not something I want for my ex-GF if we are to get back together. In the end, we "burnt out" for lack of better words.
> 
> If I can simply express to her that I'm thinking of her, but not ready for her, well... I don't know, it may not be something she can accept, but, maybe that's the best option for now no?


I honestly believe that while we can change certain aspects of ourselves, there are other parts that simply have to be managed (as you said) and that's all we can do. Particular moments in ones life create who they are, a line in the sand that cannot be washed out. Which means it has to be recognized and maintained, so at times a person is going to trip on that line. With that being said, it's the awareness and accountability that helps maintain, govern and control (to the best of ones ability) the things that we cannot completely change.

Your question about reaching out to her to express how you feel is far too focused on her. Ask yourself 'why' you want to do it in the first place, what drives it? Is it for selfish reasons? Out of fear?


----------



## RandomDude

Well if there's nothing left between us, then I can be content to let her go. However I know I will kick myself if I do nothing to let her know that my thoughts are still with her despite my current circumstances, especially in the off-chance that we may yet have a future.


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Well if there's nothing left between us, then I can be content to let her go. However I know I will kick myself if I do nothing to let her know that my thoughts are still with her despite my current circumstances, especially in the off-chance that we may yet have a future.


I'm not aware of how you went about breaking up with her, that's between the two of you, but it's only been 2 weeks. If your reasons for ending things between the two of you were substantial enough to end a good lengthy relationship, 2 weeks is not nearly enough time to figure everything out.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, it was a FWB relationship prior to November, then slowly ended up "official" last month as we grew quite close.

I agree it's too soon, I just don't want her to think that I abruptly ended our relationship because it was a lie when it wasn't. Hence I'm stumbling on my words on what to express if I do decide to resume contact with her, as I'm not ready for anything either.


----------



## Lifescript

Just say something like hey I was thinking about you and wondering how you been.

Not sure how things ended but I'm sure you apologized for breaking up. No need to be a total stranger.


----------



## daddymikey1975

How we spent our Saturday.


----------



## RandomDude

Don't want to sleep tonight, cause I know I'm going to wake up to one hell of another week... GRRR, and no one to RAM!!! BAH! GRRR!!! 

/end vent

Ah... better... zzz


----------



## daddymikey1975

RandomDude said:


> Don't want to sleep tonight, cause I know I'm going to wake up to one hell of another week... GRRR, and no one to RAM!!! BAH! GRRR!!!
> 
> /end vent
> 
> Ah... better... zzz


Dude, there's always craigslist. Lol 

I know a couple guys that have had luck in the MW4M section. Hahahaha


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> The thing I'm worried about is that I'm not at my best when I'm in this state, and *I'd rather she not see the demon behind my pretty face* - as I'm sure some of you have noticed in some of my vent/rant posts (many I've deleted)
> 
> We've kept things on a consistently good note, and I'd rather it ended on a good note. Life is coming together however last few weeks and I'm much more stable. Hence I've been thinking of slowly getting back with her, but I don't know how to do so really, like - don't know what to say. Or if she has moved on. I also don't want to suck up to her if I am to get back together with her.


If you felt you couldn't be your honest self around her, then yes, she was not the right woman for you.

A true partner is there for you, demons and all. Someone who loves you at your worst and helps you become your best. Not someone you feel you have to fake being at your best with all the time.

Maybe you don't know what to say because you don't know how to be honest with her about yourself.

That said, if you don't like your 'demons' and I doubt you do or you wouldn't be trying to hide them, work on yourself.


----------



## daddymikey1975

Hopeful Cynic said:


> If you felt you couldn't be your honest self around her, then yes, she was not the right woman for you.
> 
> A true partner is there for you, demons and all. Someone who loves you at your worst and helps you become your best. Not someone you feel you have to fake being at your best with all the time.
> 
> Maybe you don't know what to say because you don't know how to be honest with her about yourself.
> 
> That said, if you don't like your 'demons' and I doubt you do or you wouldn't be trying to hide them, work on yourself.


This is solid advice.


----------



## RandomDude

We've only been dating "officially" for a month or so before we broke up, before that it was all casual sex. Not like I can lay down my life story on her straight off the bat. Slowly yeah, have to lay the foundation of understanding first before anything else. Otherwise she's bound to make quick judgements, she's human after all, not psychic.

Regardless I wish we stayed FWBs now, need to RAM something >.<


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So excited. I didn't have any plans and I decided I needed to get out. I love my friends but I need to branch out a bit so I have more acquaintances to do things with. So I went to a random meetup to hike a local small mountain. Did a 7/8 miles hike and it felt great to get out and do stuff. There were 20-somethings up to 60-somethings in this group of 14. One guy perhaps close to my age but mostly I really enjoyed mixing it up and talked with almost everyone at some point. Then afterward I was getting ready to leave and one of the women said they were going for a beer and did I want to come. Never one to turn down an invite, I went. Had a super interesting conversation with a guy wtih a PhD in neuroscience studying how memories are best imbedded into the hypothalamus by working with mice. Exchange student from the UK, an older couple from the UK, an older couple from France, a Korean girl who moved here for college, an Asian girl who grew up here, an older women going back to school after a divorce, a physics student who teaches online high school calculus... such a cool group!!! I loved it!

I'm going to keep trying to participate. I was thrilled to find a group that wasn't all 20-somethings or fitness freaks but just normal people of all ages staying active. The group is an 'easier' outdoor group.

I'm cancelling the match.com membership. Not particularly fruitful this time. I got frustrated and changed my profile when I was feeling a bit snarky. Which is a sign I need to back off LOL


----------



## GA HEART

That sounds like a great weekend! 

I had a marvelous pity party! Go me! LOL! But I am feeling better. I know I shouldn't bank my self worth into a 2 year (pretty serious, but still) relationship that didn't work. 

NEXT! Keep it moving, GA HEART, keep it moving. LOL!


----------



## TooNice

GA HEART said:


> That sounds like a great weekend!
> 
> I had a marvelous pity party! Go me! LOL! But I am feeling better. I know I shouldn't bank my self worth into a 2 year (pretty serious, but still) relationship that didn't work.
> 
> NEXT! Keep it moving, GA HEART, keep it moving. LOL!


Sometimes we need to take time to throw the pity party in order to help us move on. You're absolutely right-keep it moving!


----------



## TooNice

EnjoliWoman said:


> So excited. I didn't have any plans and I decided I needed to get out. I love my friends but I need to branch out a bit so I have more acquaintances to do things with. So I went to a random meetup to hike a local small mountain. Did a 7/8 miles hike and it felt great to get out and do stuff. There were 20-somethings up to 60-somethings in this group of 14. One guy perhaps close to my age but mostly I really enjoyed mixing it up and talked with almost everyone at some point. Then afterward I was getting ready to leave and one of the women said they were going for a beer and did I want to come. Never one to turn down an invite, I went. Had a super interesting conversation with a guy wtih a PhD in neuroscience studying how memories are best imbedded into the hypothalamus by working with mice. Exchange student from the UK, an older couple from the UK, an older couple from France, a Korean girl who moved here for college, an Asian girl who grew up here, an older women going back to school after a divorce, a physics student who teaches online high school calculus... such a cool group!!! I loved it!
> 
> I'm going to keep trying to participate. I was thrilled to find a group that wasn't all 20-somethings or fitness freaks but just normal people of all ages staying active. The group is an 'easier' outdoor group.
> 
> I'm cancelling the match.com membership. Not particularly fruitful this time. I got frustrated and changed my profile when I was feeling a bit snarky. Which is a sign I need to back off LOL


So glad to hear you had such a good time-that sounds lovely! I really need to check out more with MeetUps in my area. I live in a large city, so I know there are lots of options here. 

I only just signed up for Match, but I have to say that I'm not impressed so far. I was optimistic at first, but that's waned quickly. I will give it time and see what happens, but yeah, I hear you on the snarky-lol!

I did finally meet someone from OkC this weekend that I've been talking with for quite a long time. It was pretty impromptu, but I am happy to say that I liked him as much as I thought I would. We have nothing set now, but I would very much like to see him again. Sadly, I've already been on enough dates already that I'll be excited if I see him again...but I'm not spending too much time thinking about it. 

Sigh...but it WAS fun to meet him.


----------



## Jellybeans

You're seeing someone. They invite you to a dinner party where their parents will be at you. You've met their sibilings before but not the parents. Before you leave for dinner party, your date tells you he wonders how he will introduce you (running name joke you have). You arrive at dinner party and parents approach you and he does not introduce you. You extend your and to introduce yourself. Later, your date says "Did I introduce everyone?" You say, no, as do his parents. It happens again: Wait, did I introduce everyone? Gosh I feel bad - I thought you'd all already met. 

Well you have met the siblings but not the parents and after you express that you found it odd, considering before party he was saying he was wondering how to introduce you. He says that his memory is bad/jumbled. 

Wouldn't you remember introducing someone to your parents?

I just found that SO strange. No big deal? No big deal?

Your takes on this?


----------



## TooNice

Jellybeans said:


> You're seeing someone. They invite you to a dinner party where their parents will be at you. You've met their sibilings before but not the parents. Before you leave for dinner party, your date tells you he wonders how he will introduce you (running name joke you have). You arrive at dinner party and parents approach you and he does not introduce you. You extend your and to introduce yourself. Later, your date says "Did I introduce everyone?" You say, no, as do his parents. It happens again: Wait, did I introduce everyone? Gosh I feel bad - I thought you'd all already met.
> 
> Well you have met the siblings but not the parents and after you express that you found it odd, considering before party he was saying he was wondering how to introduce you. He says that his memory is bad/jumbled.
> 
> Wouldn't you remember introducing someone to your parents?
> 
> I just found that SO strange. No big deal? No big deal?
> 
> Your takes on this?


I would find that odd. Especially if his parents also commented that no, he did not introduce you. I would think this would indicate that they were waiting for him to do so!

Could he have just been nervous about it?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> I would find that odd. Especially if his parents also commented that no, he did not introduce you. I would think this would indicate that they were waiting for him to do so!
> 
> *Could he have just been nervous about it?*


This was my thought do, it sounds like he was all befuddled! lol!


----------



## Hopelessus

I do think it sounds like he was a bit nervous. But good for you that you stepped up and introduced yourself.


----------



## Lifescript

Definitely nervousness. The fact he brought up beforehand says he was feeling nervous already.


----------



## Jellybeans

It was just PLAIN WEIRD. Considering he said later he thought we'd all met -- even before when he said he didn't know how to introduce me (before event). I just...felt so weird and awkward because I thought, DUDE, if you really like me, you would be like, "THIS IS JELLY. SHE's my SOULMATE" (kidding). LOL

I like him but I'm not sure how I feel about him compatibility-wise. Like I am viscerally attracted to him but don't feel close to him sometimes. Does that make sense at aLL? We are different in how we communicate and sometimes it annoys me. I've been having some doubts lately. And sometime when I see him I want to hug him hard.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Nerves.  Or could be an honestly bad memory. Has he ever had a brain injury or concussion? 

But absolutely nerves or forgetfulness. He was making sure.


----------



## bkyln309

I need to come here on a more regular basis. This board flies!!! Im trying to catch up with reading!!

CIO guy is MIA so lets say thats over (Mr fly me all over the world.

But I have a man I have been talking to every night for 3 hours for the past week. He is outside my age range (older) but we get along really well on the phone. We couldnt meet up this weekend because of my kids but he is taking me to dinner on Friday night. My biggest concern is the attraction. He is ten years older than me and looks every day of it. But we have good chemistry otherwise. Im going to give it a whirl. Worse thing that happens we become friends.

The others are just sort of there.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> I need to come here on a more regular basis. This board flies!!! Im trying to catch up with reading!!
> 
> CIO guy is MIA so lets say thats over (Mr fly me all over the world.
> 
> But I have a man I have been talking to every night for 3 hours for the past week. He is outside my age range (older) but we get along really well on the phone. We couldnt meet up this weekend because of my kids but he is taking me to dinner on Friday night. My biggest concern is the attraction. He is ten years older than me and looks every day of it. But we have good chemistry otherwise. Im going to give it a whirl. Worse thing that happens we become friends.
> 
> The others are just sort of there.


In my online dating experience, everyone I met face to face looked BETTER than their online pictures!


----------



## Jellybeans

Have had the same experience as 3x. 

People have been even sexier in person. Woo hoo!

:smthumbup:



bkyln309 said:


> But I have a man I have been talking to every night for 3 hours for the past week. He is outside my age range (older) but we get along really well on the phone.
> 
> My biggest concern is the attraction. He is ten years older than me and looks every day of it. But we have good chemistry otherwise. Im going to give it a whirl.


I love them older.


----------



## bkyln309

Jellybeans said:


> Have had the same experience as 3x.
> 
> People have been even sexier in person. Woo hoo!
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> I love them older.


I wouldnt mind but he looks even older than he is!! Maybe because he is balding idk. Again, I need physical attraction so I hope you are right about being better looking in person. Though I will say he has sent me ALOT of pictures of himself and they all look the same. 

But he is everything else I am looking for so we go out on Friday!


----------



## Jellybeans

Go out with him and see how you feel. If you have no attraction to him at all and feel he's too grandpa-ish for you (lol) then don't go out again.

Ya might just have fun though.


----------



## GA HEART

Way to go into it with an open mind! I am also in the older man camp. (Perhaps that's why I"ve had problems, but I digress. LOL!) I have started opening myself up to the thought of guys my age or even (EEEEK) YOUNGER! :-O

I think a lot of my problem there is that I had kids so young myself. Most guys my age have toddlers. Um......no thanks! LOL!


----------



## Lifescript

GA Heart, 

You could do a coffee date instead. Something shorter so if you don't like him you are not stuck with him 1-2 hrs.


----------



## bkyln309

GA HEART said:


> Way to go into it with an open mind! I am also in the older man camp. (Perhaps that's why I"ve had problems, but I digress. LOL!) I have started opening myself up to the thought of guys my age or even (EEEEK) YOUNGER! :-O
> 
> I think a lot of my problem there is that I had kids so young myself. Most guys my age have toddlers. Um......no thanks! LOL!


Thats what I want is a younger man! But I havent had success!! 

But you go for it!!!


----------



## TooNice

It's funny, I tend to gravitate toward younger men. I brought it up in therapy once that I think I'm drawn to men in the age range I was in when my marriage probably should have ended-lol!

I am planning something soon with a man 10 years my senior. I agree with the other comments...it can't hurt to meet him and see what happens. My other dates have mostly been 5-8 years younger than me, though. 

I figure after being with the same man since I was 21 years old, I probably should test the waters a bit. ;-)


----------



## moxy

I end up with men who are about the age I was when I was single, before meeting ex-h, or the age he was when we met. That's a bit younger than I am now, but it seems to be the way of things for me. I'm kinda pressing the pause button on dating at the moment.


----------



## Lifescript

I'm usually very attracted to older women or ones that look Knowleable and like they know what they want. I can't stand young wild girls. My ex is a year older than me. 

Question for the ladies: if you had to choose between two guys to date ... would you pick a short 5'5 lean looking guy or a guy with the same height but muscular not bodybuilding muscular but six pack, big arms, etc. 

That's assuming you would go out with a short guy. Lots women don't and prefer tall guys.


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> I'm usually very attracted to older women or ones that look Knowleable and like they know what they want. I can't stand young wild girls. My ex is a year older than me.
> 
> Question for the ladies: if you had to choose between two guys to date ... would you pick a short 5'5 lean looking guy or a guy with the same height but muscular not bodybuilding muscular but six pack, big arms, etc.
> 
> That's assuming you would go out with a short guy. Lots women don't and prefer tall guys.


I'm 5'5", and while I do prefer to date men taller than me, it's not a requirement. As long as he doesn't mind me in heels.  

I'm attracted to facial features. If a man has a great body, but dull eyes and a fake smile, I'd pass him over for someone who has a killer grin. The smile does it for me more than abs.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> I'm usually very attracted to older women or ones that look Knowleable and like they know what they want. I can't stand young wild girls. My ex is a year older than me.
> 
> Question for the ladies: if you had to choose between two guys to date ... would you pick a short 5'5 lean looking guy or a guy with the same height but muscular not bodybuilding muscular but six pack, big arms, etc.
> 
> That's assuming you would go out with a short guy. Lots women don't and prefer tall guys.


I only recently found myself attracted to a short man, lol! I have always gone for tall. Choosing between the two you posted... my first inclination would be to go for muscles, but honestly, a good face would take precedence....not helpful, right?? LOL!


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> I'm 5'5", and while I do prefer to date men taller than me, it's not a requirement. As long as he doesn't mind me in heels.
> 
> I'm attracted to facial features. If a man has a great body, but dull eyes and a fake smile, I'd pass him over for someone who has a killer grin. The smile does it for me more than abs.


Yea ... assuming the guy is confident and don't care about his height. I guess the question I'm asking is would you go for a short lean guy or a more muscular (bulky) one. 

I read somewhere that there was a study that found women like guys who are not smiling all the time. Guys with a bad boy look or a little bit of attitude. Not true? 

I'm 5'5 and been hitting the gym for a while now, lost weight. I'm bulking up and building muscle which is great but a coworker told me it's making me look shorter. I think she is right. I like how is used to look before marriage. Lean and naturally fit.


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> I only recently found myself attracted to a short man, lol! I have always gone for tall. Choosing between the two you posted... my first inclination would be to go for muscles, but honestly, a good face would take precedence....not helpful, right?? LOL!


Lol ... I guess you would go the muscles then. Imagine both guys had good looks.


----------



## RandomDude

I still seem to be loyal to ex-GF, had a short chat with a pretty lady at the gas station, didn't do anything, meh... wonder if ex-GF is fking away as I speak... bah!

/end vent

Oh well, tis life


----------



## GA HEART

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies: if you had to choose between two guys to date ... would you pick a short 5'5 lean looking guy or a guy with the same height but muscular not bodybuilding muscular but six pack, big arms, etc.
> 
> That's assuming you would go out with a short guy. Lots women don't and prefer tall guys.


I"m a shorty myself....5,1 on a good day. My exH was 5,5 and naturally lean. I thought he was attractive. My exBF was 6,2 and THICK. I thought he was attractive. I don't really have a type. Haha!

I need a guy that smiles. That brooding "bad boy" type doens't do it for me. Give me a happy guy any day! (My exH was more of the brooding type.....we didn't even really LIKE each other by the end of the marriage. The ex BF and I got along VERY well because we had similar personalities.....with the glaring exception of his DRAMA. I'm too laid back for that.) 

I guess if all other things were equal, from a purely carnal standpoint, I would be more attracted to the thicker guy. I think my exH ruined me for skinny boys. LOL!


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies: if you had to choose between two guys to date ... would you pick a short 5'5 lean looking guy or a guy with the same height but muscular not bodybuilding muscular but six pack, big arms, etc.
> 
> That's assuming you would go out with a short guy. Lots women don't and prefer tall guys.


I love short guys (probably since my dad is 5'1"-ish) 

Anyways, I would choose the guy who was more respectful and who was most comfortable with his body and being himself.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Lol ... I guess you would go the muscles then. Imagine both guys had good looks.


I have actually dated two short guys, and they fit exactly what you are describing, one was muscular, one was lean and solid. I was extremely attracted to both of them (still am!). They are quite different personalities but both are sweet with good hearts. Its just such a change up for me, my last husband was 6'5", and most bf's I ever had were 6ft and over. 

The leaner guy, he and I can wear each other's clothes, lol, I found that weirdly appealing! I guess it made it feel to me like it made us just that much more of a match!


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> I still seem to be loyal to ex-GF, had a short chat with a pretty lady at the gas station, didn't do anything, meh... wonder if ex-GF is fking away as I speak... bah!
> 
> /end vent
> 
> Oh well, tis life


RD, 

Are you the protector/caregiver type? Let me tell you ... many people I've wanted to protect ended up hurting me instead. Let people protect themselves and say what they are ok/comfortable with. 

Give her a call!! Lol


----------



## unsure78

I would take the more muscular one Script, but that's based only on if everything else is the same...post D ive been all about the thicker guys.


----------



## Lifescript

GA HEART said:


> I"m a shorty myself....5,1 on a good day. My exH was 5,5 and naturally lean. I thought he was attractive. My exBF was 6,2 and THICK. I thought he was attractive. I don't really have a type. Haha!
> 
> I need a guy that smiles. That brooding "bad boy" type doens't do it for me. Give me a happy guy any day! (My exH was more of the brooding type.....we didn't even really LIKE each other by the end of the marriage. The ex BF and I got along VERY well because we had similar personalities.....with the glaring exception of his DRAMA. I'm too laid back for that.)
> 
> I guess if all other things were equal, from a purely carnal standpoint, I would be more attracted to the thicker guy. I think my exH ruined me for skinny boys. LOL!


From a carnal standpoint ... I like that. 

Well looks like the muscles are preferred. To clarity I'm not saying a lean almost girly looking guy buy a solid lean ripped guy vs a more bulky one ... think Vin diesel but shorter. 

In my college years girls were attracted to my weird personality. Basically I would never smile much and some said I looked mad. It's like they wanted to make make me laugh and would get close. 

I think are some guys go wrong when being friendly is that they over do it and come off as goofy or clownish. 

I'm more comfortable being neutral or I guess the word is mean looking. I'm weird and not very socially fluid or whatever lol


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> I love short guys (probably since my dad is 5'1"-ish)
> 
> Anyways, I would choose the guy who was more respectful and who was most comfortable with his body and being himself.


So lean or bulky wouldn't matter? Not a decision factor for you?


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> I have actually dated two short guys, and they fit exactly what you are describing, one was muscular, one was lean and solid. I was extremely attracted to both of them (still am!). They are quite different personalities but both are sweet with good hearts. Its just such a change up for me, my last husband was 6'5", and most bf's I ever had were 6ft and over.
> 
> The leaner guy, he and I can wear each other's clothes, lol, I found that weirdly appealing! I guess it made it feel to me like it made us just that much more of a match!


That's interesting 3x. You always hear women are more attracted to muscles and manly looking guys. I guess it depends on each person and the target if attraction.


----------



## bkyln309

I like both but lean is preferred. I like a runners body. The height would be more of an issue since I would be taller.


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks for replies unsure, bklyn.

I guess it's a 50/50 preference lean/thick. 

I liked how my I used to look before ... more on the lean side. Felt more flexible. The muscles have me feeling a little slow not as flexible. 

I'll increase cardiovascular and lift lighter from now on. 

Thanks gals!


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> Yea ... assuming the guy is confident and don't care about his height. I guess the question I'm asking is would you go for a short lean guy or a more muscular (bulky) one.
> 
> I read somewhere that there was a study that found women like guys who are not smiling all the time. Guys with a bad boy look or a little bit of attitude. Not true?
> 
> I'm 5'5 and been hitting the gym for a while now, lost weight. I'm bulking up and building muscle which is great but a coworker told me it's making me look shorter. I think she is right. I like how is used to look before marriage. Lean and naturally fit.


If the guy is confident and doesn't care about his height, he can be confident and not care about his build, too, right?  
Seriously, get to where you feel comfortable. That's what will be attractive. Does your gym have a trainer who can help you with working out without more bulking? More cardio, maybe? And good for you on getting healthy. That's awesome. 

As for the pics...not true for this girl. The bad boy look for me is equivalent to a woman with duck lips pics. A guy with a genuine smile in most or all of his pics will make me smile as I read his profile. But that's just my opinion. ;-)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Everyone likes something different so make yourself happy. At nearly 5'7" and not skinny, being with a smaller guy makes me feel big, awkward and masculine. Those are MY issues, tho. 

I also love a smile. First off nice teeth is a big turn on for me and when there are 6 photos and not a one he's smiling I start to feel he's a negative person. I don't discount them if the main profile photo is the brooding one, but there have GOT to be smiling photos in the mix! That is also my baggage, though. Ex is pretty negative. I'm very positive! I need a mate who is also upbeat, happy and positive so when I see the grim stare I don't get the warm and fuzzies. I get a slight shiver of fear.


----------



## GA HEART

Ditto! Slight shiver of fear. Haha!

And by bulk, I wasn't talking about beefcake. I actually don't prefer beefcake. I would take trim over beefcake anyday.

My exH was in the military, 5,5 and wore a size 30 pants on a good day. He had nice shoulders. My exBF was 6,2 and almost 300 pounds, with funny shaped legs, no butt, and a beer gut. I loved them both with all I had and thought they were the most handsome men on the planet at one point in my life. Personality goes a long way. Looks may attract, but WHO you are keeps the right one invested.

I agree with just doing YOU! You don't want to attract a gal with beeefcake and then lose her attraction for you when LIFE takes over and beefcake goes away. I know all too well how it feels when the person you love quits loving you because you change slightly in appearance. :-/


----------



## ne9907

I dont like big bulky guys or extremely overweight. I prefer slim, toned men. 
I am 5 feet tall, ex husband is 6 feet. Current guy is 5'10". Last guy I dated was about 5'11", the guy before him was 6'4". All have been slim and toned. Well except for current guy, he has a belly but I dont mind at all.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> You're seeing someone. They invite you to a dinner party where their parents will be at you. You've met their sibilings before but not the parents. Before you leave for dinner party, your date tells you he wonders how he will introduce you (running name joke you have). You arrive at dinner party and parents approach you and he does not introduce you. You extend your and to introduce yourself. Later, your date says "Did I introduce everyone?" You say, no, as do his parents. It happens again: Wait, did I introduce everyone? Gosh I feel bad - I thought you'd all already met.
> 
> Well you have met the siblings but not the parents and after you express that you found it odd, considering before party he was saying he was wondering how to introduce you. He says that his memory is bad/jumbled.
> 
> Wouldn't you remember introducing someone to your parents?
> 
> I just found that SO strange. No big deal? No big deal?
> 
> Your takes on this?


What is wrong with your guy Jelly? I find it odd as hell, unless you have an explicit agreement that you are keeping your relationship secret from his parents.
How did he introduced you to his siblings?

I have not introduced my current guy to anyone in my family, it is too early (been dating since December). My family is over critical, my mother is the worst. I also like this guy and want to spare his feelings because my family is pretty bad...
He knows all of this, he jokes around that we are not calling our relationship what it really is but he is very supportive and has told me he will wait until I am ready to come out in the open about us. 
It is a strange situation because we are committed to each other, we draw support from each other, he has posted photos of us together on his FB page, but I do not want my side to know yet... it scares me, he knows and he understands.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, kids, I've decided that my self-imposed hiatus is over. I've just missed y'all too much. Plus, I found this today, and I just had to share.

It's about Schopenhauer’s Porcupine Dilemma. I strongly encourage y'all to watch the video. It's quite brilliant. (RandomDude, I think you in particular might be interested, especially given that you're considering reconnection with x-GF.)

Elizabeth Gilbert on How Schopenhauer’s Porcupine Dilemma Reveals the Secret of Happiness | Brain Pickings


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Thats what I want is a younger man! But I havent had success!!
> 
> But you go for it!!!


I've found that since my divorce, younger men is where it's at for me. 2-3 yrs younger is my sweet spot.



Lifescript said:


> I'm usually very attracted to older women or ones that look Knowleable and like they know what they want. I can't stand young wild girls. My ex is a year older than me.
> 
> Question for the ladies: if you had to choose between two guys to date ... would you pick a short 5'5 lean looking guy or a guy with the same height but muscular not bodybuilding muscular but six pack, big arms, etc.
> 
> That's assuming you would go out with a short guy. Lots women don't and prefer tall guys.


Lifescript, I go for the guy who smells right and makes the bees of my knees weak. Lean or bulky isn't so important to me, it's more about the man himself. And as a woman who is slightly larger than average size, I'm not going to be one throwing stones.

Be true to who YOU are and who YOU want to be, and you will attract the type of woman you want, regardless of whether you are bulky or lean. Just do YOU.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Lifescript, *I go for the guy who smells right* and makes the bees of my knees weak. Lean or bulky isn't so important to me, it's more about the man himself. And as a woman who is slightly larger than average size, I'm not going to be one throwing stones.
> 
> Be true to who YOU are and who YOU want to be, and you will attract the type of woman you want, regardless of whether you are bulky or lean. Just do YOU.


YAY she's back! 

And :iagree: 100% with you about a man needing to smell right! OMG smell is SO important to me, its crazy!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I still seem to be loyal to ex-GF, had a short chat with a pretty lady at the gas station, didn't do anything, meh... wonder if ex-GF is fking away as I speak... bah!
> 
> /end vent
> 
> Oh well, tis life


She may be... but that doesn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't rather be with you. You broke up with her. If she is seeing other people, it's because she took you at your word that it's over, and she's trying to move on.

Everyone deals with break-ups differently.

If you really think that you made a mistake, and you really want to give it another go, then you need to reach out to her. And be willing to accept the fact that she may have been with someone else while you were apart. You HAVE TO BE OK with that possibility, or it won't work. I'm not saying that you need to be willing to forgive, because there is nothing to forgive in this scenario--if she has been with someone else, it cannot be considered a betrayal, because you ended it. She's entitled to get over her heartbreak in any way that she sees fit without judgement from the one who broke her heart. But if you're the jealous type, you need to get a handle on that and be OK with the possibility before you reach out to her. If you don't, it will be over before it even begins, and that's the saddest of beginnings, methinks.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> YAY she's back!
> 
> And :iagree: 100% with you about a man needing to smell right! OMG smell is SO important to me, its crazy!


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> YAY she's back!
> 
> And :iagree: 100% with you about a man needing to smell right! OMG smell is SO important to me, its crazy!


Well, y'all showed me so much love when I initially left, I felt it would be a shame to walk away from all of that permanently.

Smell is one of the most important, if not THE most important, component for me. If a guy doesn't smell right, I don't want to be anywhere near him... let alone have him touch me. SO IMPORTANT.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> So, kids, I've decided that my self-imposed hiatus is over. I've just missed y'all too much.


Yay! Welcome back!

:yay:


----------



## Lifescript

FIP, 

Welcome back. 

And thanks for the advice. That's exactly what I'll do. Just be myselfo. 

Smelling good is a given. Who would go on a date smelling like a week old discarded pot roast? 

I agree. Smell is very important.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> FIP,
> 
> Welcome back.
> 
> And thanks for the advice. That's exactly what I'll do. Just be myselfo.
> 
> Smelling good is a given. Who would go on a date smelling like a week old discarded pot roast?
> 
> I agree. Smell is very important.


It's not just about cologne or perfume, or hygiene (though that's very important). It's about the pheremones/scent underneath the soap and the fragrance.

Someone can have great hygiene and still not smell right. It's one of our brain's way of seeking out someone with the right physical/chemical makeup to compliment our own, in order to produce sturdier offspring.

I'm not planning on reproducing, but my hormones still drive what I find attractive and what I don't. It's science, baby.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> It's not just about cologne or perfume, or hygiene (though that's very important). It's about the pheremones/scent underneath the soap and the fragrance.
> 
> Someone can have great hygiene and still not smell right. It's one of our brain's way of seeking out someone with the right physical/chemical makeup to compliment our own, in order to produce sturdier offspring.
> 
> I'm not planning on reproducing, but my hormones still drive what I find attractive and what I don't. It's science, baby.


Wow ... you are digging deep into the science of it. 

FIP don't leave us again. 

My coworker I went out with (big mistake) said something similar. That she looks for men with the right smell. She also said she didn't like colognes. I'm used to putting on cologne even when going to the gym. I like to smell good.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I like cologne, too, but if you dont have an appealing personal scent, the cologne doesnt matter to me, lol! Sad to admit, but I am an armpit sniffer, LOL! If a man smells right, I can get turned on just by smelling under his arms! TMI???


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> I like cologne, too, but if you dont have an appealing personal scent, the cologne doesnt matter to me, lol! Sad to admit, but I am an armpit sniffer, LOL! If a man smells right, I can get turned on just by smelling under his arms! TMI???


I do that too. I thought I was the only one  

Used to smell my ex armpits and we'll ... whole body. She used to smell so freakin good too. Maybe that's why I was addicted.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Good to know I'm not the only one, lol!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Wow ... you are digging deep into the science of it.
> 
> FIP don't leave us again.
> 
> My coworker I went out with (big mistake) said something similar. That she looks for men with the right smell. She also said she didn't like colognes. I'm used to putting on cologne even when going to the gym. I like to smell good.


Well, knowing WHY my insides turn to jelly helps me feel more in control, lol 

Some women like colognes, others don't. I've always been turned off by people who wear so much that if you hug them, it lingers on your coat for days. 

On a man, I like just enough so that I can smell it only when I'm close... and if we've been having a good time, then I can smell it on myself for a little while after.

I tend to wear my own in a similar sparing fashion, on the pulse points.


----------



## vi_bride04

Script ... Don't try so hard, just be yourself


----------



## 06Daddio08

Script, your question had my laughing. No offense, but there's what .. 8 billion people on the planet and half of them are women? You're asking a small sample size on a website what they'd prefer and reading articles. I have a better suggestion, just find a woman who likes *you*, don't go changing your dietary or fitness plans to get the best possible data minded group of women.

Screw what everyone else says. You're most likely going to go through quite a few frogs before finding your prince. 

Oh, and that 'don't always smile' thing isn't a weird personality, it's called a resting b!tch face. I know this, because I have one as well.

When I was 300 lbs people called me "Big Guy" because I was fat. Now that I've lost 100 lbs of body fat and packed on the bulk, guess what. I get called "Big Guy" still. Hell, guys call me "Fatty" just for kicks and the majority of them don't even know I was actually a fatty before. Furthermore, I went from being considered a fat and lazy guy (which I was) to a Meathead. 

I fully believe that there isn't a particular type a person is attracted to, if they're of level head and healthy balance. That's not to say you don't have your preferences (height, cultural background, etc) but if they click with you, it's undeniable.

Myself personally, I do know I have a preference to shorter girls now. I'm 5'8", my ex wife is 5'11" and Petite is just under 5'. Someone who's clearly active in some way and is into kids. I'm sure there's a few other little things here and there but in all honesty, restricting too much is just short changing yourself.

The same thing works for the women who are eyeing you up.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Script, your question had my laughing. No offense, but there's what .. 8 billion people on the planet and half of them are women? You're asking a small sample size on a website what they'd prefer and reading articles. I have a better suggestion, just find a woman who likes *you*, don't go changing your dietary or fitness plans to get the best possible data minded group of women.
> 
> Screw what everyone else says. You're most likely going to go through quite a few frogs before finding your prince.
> 
> Oh, and that 'don't always smile' thing isn't a weird personality, it's called a resting b!tch face. I know this, because I have one as well.
> 
> When I was 300 lbs people called me "Big Guy" because I was fat. Now that I've lost 100 lbs of body fat and packed on the bulk, guess what. I get called "Big Guy" still. Hell, guys call me "Fatty" just for kicks and the majority of them don't even know I was actually a fatty before. Furthermore, I went from being considered a fat and lazy guy (which I was) to a Meathead.
> 
> I fully believe that there isn't a particular type a person is attracted to, if they're of level head and healthy balance. That's not to say you don't have your preferences (height, cultural background, etc) but if they click with you, it's undeniable.
> 
> Myself personally, I do know I have a preference to shorter girls now. I'm 5'8", my ex wife is 5'11" and Petite is just under 5'. Someone who's clearly active in some way and is into kids. I'm sure there's a few other little things here and there but in all honesty, restricting too much is just short changing yourself.
> 
> The same thing works for the women who are eyeing you up.


Glad you got a laugh off it. 

The question was out of curiosity more than anything else. This thread is to exchange ideas about dating, attraction and whatnot. I wasn't going to go bulk up if all of them or the majority said they like bulky guys. I felt best when I was lean and fit. That's what I'm aiming for. For that I'll have to have a strict diet, do more cardio and use lighter weights focusing on definition more than mass gain. 

I agree with you I just gotta be me and find someone who likes me when the time comes.


----------



## TooNice

Aw, shucks. My 30 yo friend went and found himself a girlfriend. I knew he showed up somewhere with her over the weekend... In a strange coincidence, she actually works with a good friend of mine who saw her there and was introduced to him (my friend already knew him). My friend wasn't able to tell if they were dating, though.

We were at a mutual event tonight and he introduced her to me as his girlfriend. 

Sigh. 

I could have chosen to make a move, but instead, I chose to wait until my divorce was final. I don't feel badly about that. I've been on dates, so I haven't exactly been sitting around waiting for him, either. And my friend who works with her said some very sweet things. Apparently, this girl is a great deal like me. That makes me feel better. And offers some assurance that he probably did like me. 

I will admit that I am a tiny bit disappointed, but I am a firm believer in fate. Everyone walks through our lives for a reason. And I still work with him on some things, so I still get to call him a friend. I'm happy for that. 

Maybe next time I'll decide to be a little more bold about making a move. ;-)


----------



## TooNice

And for the record, he always smelled great. ;-)


----------



## RandomDude

Work work work... *sigh* its 3 weeks NC, maybe I should give exGF a call...


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> She may be... but that doesn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't rather be with you. You broke up with her. If she is seeing other people, it's because she took you at your word that it's over, and she's trying to move on.
> 
> Everyone deals with break-ups differently.
> 
> If you really think that you made a mistake, and you really want to give it another go, then you need to reach out to her. And be willing to accept the fact that she may have been with someone else while you were apart. You HAVE TO BE OK with that possibility, or it won't work. I'm not saying that you need to be willing to forgive, because there is nothing to forgive in this scenario--if she has been with someone else, it cannot be considered a betrayal, because you ended it. She's entitled to get over her heartbreak in any way that she sees fit without judgement from the one who broke her heart. But if you're the jealous type, you need to get a handle on that and be OK with the possibility before you reach out to her. If you don't, it will be over before it even begins, and that's the saddest of beginnings, methinks.


=/

Yeah think I'll call her this evening, see if she clobbers me... after I finish my work that is, might drive over tonight if things are alright.

If she's with someone else now well, at least I'll get her outta my head.


----------



## RandomDude

EDIT: Ok, just got back from our date, a little disappointing; no sex! Think I'm FZed too, and without benefits!

Oh well, serves me right, think I should move on as well.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wait - you called her and got together and expected sex? Right now she's being guarded because you broke up with her! Have you learned nothing here? (Alert: 2x4) She has to feel SAFE and she has to TRUST you. You blew it and have to earn it back. Just because you didn't end up having sex doesn't mean it 's over for her. Maybe it is for you, now - just pointing out a woman's perspective. She probably figured you called b/c you were horny, not because you really wanted to get back together so she kept her distance to avoid being hurt.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> So, kids, I've decided that my self-imposed hiatus is over. I've just missed y'all too much. Plus, I found this today, and I just had to share.
> 
> 
> 
> It's about Schopenhauer’s Porcupine Dilemma. I strongly encourage y'all to watch the video. It's quite brilliant. (RandomDude, I think you in particular might be interested, especially given that you're considering reconnection with x-GF.)
> 
> 
> 
> Elizabeth Gilbert on How Schopenhauer’s Porcupine Dilemma Reveals the Secret of Happiness | Brain Pickings



I'm glad you're back.


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, Enjoli is right on with this one. You can't expect to pick up right where you left off. She's going to be guarded, cautious. She's protecting herself right now. She probably suspects that you only want sex, and that once you get it, you'll disappear again. Or that you're having a momentary weakness, and that in a day, week, month, you're going to change your mind again. You're going to have to work twice as hard the second time round to prove to her that you deserve a second chance, to prove that you're serious about making this work with her. You hurt her very badly when you broke up with her the first time; you're going to have to make up for that. When you broke up with her, you BROKE something; if you really want that something, you need to put in the effort to fix it.

That being said, it's a good sign that she agreed to meet with you. A very good sign. If she wasn't receptive, she would have declined the invitation altogether. Not too many women are interested in being friends with the men who dumped them. We're women, we have wide social circles, and we have better things to do with our time than trying to be "friends" with a man who didn't appreciate us enough to stay with us. And besides, women know that a man's offer of post-breakup friendship is really just a man's way of proving to himself that he's not a bad guy; I don't think many women take that offer seriously. 

So don't be discouraged. You'll probably need to take her out a few more times before she agrees to give it another go, before she trusts your intentions. You're definitely not getting sex right away, and I wouldn't push for it either. If you push for sex, that will only serve to make her more suspicious of your intentions. In fact, you might want to take it off the table for now, until she's pushing for it. At that point, she'll know that it's not just about the sex for you, and you'll know for sure that you're in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

The ladies are right RD. 

She's afraid to get hurt. You will have to win her trust again.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I'm glad you're back.


Me, too


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Aw, shucks. My 30 yo friend went and found himself a girlfriend. I knew he showed up somewhere with her over the weekend... In a strange coincidence, she actually works with a good friend of mine who saw her there and was introduced to him (my friend already knew him). My friend wasn't able to tell if they were dating, though.
> 
> We were at a mutual event tonight and he introduced her to me as his girlfriend.
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> I could have chosen to make a move, but instead, I chose to wait until my divorce was final. I don't feel badly about that. I've been on dates, so I haven't exactly been sitting around waiting for him, either. And my friend who works with her said some very sweet things. Apparently, this girl is a great deal like me. That makes me feel better. And offers some assurance that he probably did like me.
> 
> I will admit that I am a tiny bit disappointed, but I am a firm believer in fate. Everyone walks through our lives for a reason. And I still work with him on some things, so I still get to call him a friend. I'm happy for that.
> 
> Maybe next time I'll decide to be a little more bold about making a move. ;-)


I am sorry TooNice. I am a firm believer in fate as well, I feel that we are all connected, when we meet someone it is not a random event, it is meant to be. Everyone we cross paths with has an effect on our lives, even if insignificant.


----------



## TooNice

Thanks, Ne. I really feels that's true, too. There are no accidental meetings. And like I said-he's still a friend. The whole concept of more was theoretical and neither of us acted on it. No big. He's a sweet guy and he should be happy.


----------



## moxy

I've been feeling under the weather lately. It makes me mopey. But, I've been channeling a lot of energy into work and am getting some stuff done, which feels great. I texted a little with Mr. Avant Garde; he's hard to get to know, but maybe that's why I am intrigued. I started working out again and it feels nice, like it will be good for me. Tons more work to do, but things are going alright, lately.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, not really an expectation but more hoping. You guys are correct though, I blew it, hence why I'm considering just moving on. I'm not really one to suck up, not anymore, besides just when I thought things are peaceful at work with everyone happy, taxation office is now driving me nuts. So I have to keep everyone happy, including the fked up government... BAH! 

I did hurt her yes, however I don't regret my decision. We needed to hit the brakes hard lest we crash. Though... seems braking too hard may have caused problems of its own, we crashed anyway. I don't know if it's a lost cause now or not, meh I dunno. Regardless she has been a good friend last year, I can't just abandon her.

WB btw FIP


----------



## FeministInPink

It's not about sucking up to her, RD. Nobody likes a brown-noser, everybody knows it's bullsh!t 

It's about making an effort and letting her know that you really mean it, and that you want to be with her. Show her that you're worth it for her to take the risk of trusting you again. It may mean making yourself a little more vulnerable with her than you have been in the past, and being more open with her; letting her see ALL of RD, not just the happy, sunshiney RD that you've been showing her all along.

It's not a lost cause, but it will take some effort and patience on your part. I'm wondering if you really think SHE is worth it. If you really want to be with her, you're gonna have to put in the legwork on this one.

And thanks, glad to be back


----------



## daddymikey1975

Ok, I'm back. Left northern Indiana on Tuesday morning and headed to Nashville. Had to drive 40 mph all the way to Indianapolis due to icy roads. 

Stopped at the corvette museum Tuesday afternoon in Kentucky. Finally settled into my hotel room in Nashville Tuesday evening. 

My S12 came with me and so far we had a blast. I had class yesterday for work (required training class) and had to log in and work from my hotel room for a bit here and there. 

Then we get hammered with snow and ice. I believe in stuck here until Friday, which is fine by me. 

I do have a couple friends down here and we hung out a little bit Tuesday night too. Might venture our and see the city a little since I can't head north yet (Louisville got hammered with snow too it seems).


----------



## RandomDude

@FIP

Well, I have been very open to her recently, I figured she deserves to know that much. If anything I felt she deserved some more closure as well. Just don't know if it's enough, not really going to try to get her back really, just going to go with the flow and continue contact.


----------



## FeministInPink

@daddymikey, father/son bonding time is good! Maybe the snow-in means it's time for a father/son snowball fight? 

@randomdude, sounds like a good plan... take it slow, and if it's meant to be, it will happen.


----------



## daddymikey1975

We spent the day in the pool and playing Xbox. The roads here were too icy. We're going to leave tomorrow and head back North. 

I got some cool pics from the corvette museum.


----------



## RandomDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aXzOfGQdMQ

I've... got... bills, I've got to pay... 
So I will work work work... everyday...

I've... got... staff, paid cash in hand...
Now the tax office wants to fk me in everyway...

-.-

BAH!



FeministInPink said:


> @randomdude, sounds like a good plan... take it slow, and if it's meant to be, it will happen.


Aye, if not... well, meh. Quite frankly I'm feeling alot better taking full reins at work last few weeks. I think I'm reawakening the workaholic in me, dunno if it's a good or bad thing. Used to work 84 hours a week. Don't really need the money but it feels good to achieve and challenge myself. Been taking advantage of passive income for far too long. Aside from some hiccups, tis good.


----------



## bkyln309

Well, guys, here is my dating schedule for the weekend. LOL.

Tonight I am meeting my older man (9 years older). This man and I have been having long conversations every night. We are going out to a very nice dinner tonight. This is the one I hope looks better in person. We get along great except he is in no way the type of man I am attracted to. He is looking for a serious relationship with one woman. I am not sure Im there yet.

Tomorrow I have a coffee meet with a guy who is just looking for a casual dating relationship. I threw him into the mix because I tend to think long term and am forgetting about enjoying the ride of dating. I think he will provide that diversity.

And I have a nurse who I am supposed to see this weekend but he flakes in texting so I am not sure whether I am seeing him or not. His flakiness has turned me off from him altogether. But I will still go out if I have the time or inclination.


----------



## GA HEART

bklyn - That was a flash back for me. Sounds like what my weekends were like (and the guys I dated) after I divorced and before my relationship. LOL! (None of them ever worked anyway, haha!)

Good luck, BE SAFE, and have fun!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

GA HEART said:


> bklyn - That was a flash back for me. Sounds like what my weekends were like (and the guys I dated) after I divorced and before my relationship. LOL! (None of them ever worked anyway, haha!)
> 
> Good luck, BE SAFE, and have fun!


HA, sounds like a nightmare to me! (no offense, bklyn!) It is a perfect example of what I hate about the whole dating scene!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> HA, sounds like a nightmare to me! (no offense, bklyn!) It is a perfect example of what I hate about the whole dating scene!


Dating requires a great amount of fortitude, and a huge time investment... to just find one person who wants to be with you. And when you get to that point, then you have to put in the effort to maintain the relationship and all the work that goes along with it.

Makes one wonder if it's worth all the trouble. It's easier to be alone sometimes, but then I think of all the good that comes with a relationship, too. It's a definite trade-off.

For the right person, I think it's worth it... but finding the right person is hard. You have to go through all the dating BS to find the right person.


----------



## bkyln309

3Xnocharm said:


> HA, sounds like a nightmare to me! (no offense, bklyn!) It is a perfect example of what I hate about the whole dating scene!


Funny! Because I love this part of dating. I am an extrovert and love meeting new people. Its funny how many interesting and smart people I have met!! I am enjoying the process alot actually. Its fun for me. And I have been very picky who I communicate with. Most are business owners or mid life professionals!! So if nothing else I am meeting business contacts and making new friends.

Im not sure I want a very serious relationship at this point so it works for me. I will also say Im an "in the moment" type of girl. When I divorced, it was over no regrets no looking back. I had my whole fascinating life before me. I have kept that attitude with dating.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah that's the good part, when you have realistic expectations you get disappointed alot less. With success it's not really about what you know but who you know, as such networking is very useful. I would be struggling if it wasn't for my networks flooding me with jobs after jobs.

Still, when I do desire someone, it gets depressing when you realise they don't exist, or that I would have to settle, like I kinda settled with ex-GF... meh I dunno.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Dating requires a great amount of fortitude, and a huge time investment... to just find one person who wants to be with you. And when you get to that point, then you have to put in the effort to maintain the relationship and all the work that goes along with it.


:iagree: It's why sometimes dating annoys me and makes me feel resentful. I hardly have time for myself, let alone someone else these days, it seems.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Funny! Because I love this part of dating. I am an extrovert and love meeting new people. Its funny how many interesting and smart people I have met!! I am enjoying the process alot actually. Its fun for me. And I have been very picky who I communicate with. Most are business owners or mid life professionals!! So if nothing else I am meeting business contacts and making new friends.


Good for you 

Personally, I do NOT love meeting new people. I find it tiring, and often... boring. The small talk irritates me. But then again, I'm an introvert. I can put on a good front if I have to, but I look forward to meeting new people as much as I look forward to getting a root canal. 

I also dislike networking, no surprise there...



bkyln309 said:


> Im not sure I want a very serious relationship at this point so it works for me. I will also say Im an "in the moment" type of girl. When I divorced, it was over no regrets no looking back. I had my whole fascinating life before me. I have kept that attitude with dating.


Well, then dating suits your needs right now! Go on, roll with it


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> Dating requires a great amount of fortitude, and a huge time investment... to just find one person who wants to be with you. And when you get to that point, then you have to put in the effort to maintain the relationship and all the work that goes along with it.
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree: It's why sometimes dating annoys me and makes me feel resentful. I hardly have time for myself, let alone someone else these days, it seems.
Click to expand...

It requires a balance, which isn't always easy to maintain, even if you're just seeing one person. 

(Even harder with multi-dating, which is why I don't like multi-dating.)


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Yeah that's the good part, when you have realistic expectations you get disappointed alot less. With success it's not really about what you know but who you know, as such networking is very useful. I would be struggling if it wasn't for my networks flooding me with jobs after jobs.
> 
> Still, when I do desire someone, it gets depressing when you realise they don't exist, or that I would have to settle, like I kinda settled with ex-GF... meh I dunno.


Do you think you were settling with x-GF? Then why do you want to get back with her?

And what do you mean by "when you realise they don't exist"?


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Do you think you were settling with x-GF? Then why do you want to get back with her?
> 
> And what do you mean by "when you realise they don't exist"?


I was going to ask the same questions. I haven't provided much input into your situation, RD, because I haven't been sure what to add to everyone else's wise words. But I think that you are getting some great feedback here, and whatever happens, I hope it helps you to move forward!


----------



## TooNice

After six months, I say again that I really find the online dating world to be feast or famine. I finally connected over the weekend with someone I have been talking with for months. Great to meet him in person...had a really fun time and hope I see him again. He made me laugh a lot and he is very tall. I liked that. And he smelled really, really good. ;-) 

Last night, I had a date with a Tinder guy. Different from what I would say my "type" might be...my height, kind of an outdoorsy guy's guy. But he is also considerate, well dressed, and conversation flowed well all evening. Except for the hunting/fishing stuff, we have a lot in common.

While I like them both and would happily see either of them again, I am definitely in the camp of not having expectations. I'm looking for a companion, not a husband, so I'm happy to have a lovely evening and wait and see what happens next.

When I was shopping for wedding gowns, my girlfriends dragged me from store to store trying on dresses I would never have picked off the rack. They said I had to try a wide variety of styles to be certain that I knew the dress I picked was right for me. It's may seem an odd analogy, but I kind of feel like dating again after being with the same person for 22 years is kind of the same thing. I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for, so I'll roll with whatever life brings.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Good for you
> 
> Personally, I do NOT love meeting new people. I find it tiring, and often... boring. The small talk irritates me. But then again, I'm an introvert. I can put on a good front if I have to, but I look forward to meeting new people as much as I look forward to getting a root canal.
> 
> I also dislike networking, no surprise there...


WOW, this is me exactly!! This is why I hate the whole dating ordeal!


----------



## Lifescript

FIP, 

I'm just like you described. I hate the small talk. It feels obligatory BS. Good to know I'm not the only one. 

I like meeting people just by chance like if we happen to be somewhere at the same time or I help someone out, not programmed. Makes sense?


----------



## Lifescript

Good luck this weekend bklyn.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> FIP,
> 
> I'm just like you described. I hate the small talk. It feels obligatory BS. Good to know I'm not the only one.
> 
> I like meeting people just by chance like if we happen to be somewhere at the same time or I help someone out, not programmed. Makes sense?


Makes perfect sense. I don't happen to meet many people randomly, but I have met people/made friends through MeetUp groups and other activities, like my Italian class.


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> I like meeting people just by chance like if we happen to be somewhere at the same time or I help someone out, not programmed. Makes sense?


This makes sense to me, too. I'm just a little impatient right now. ;-)


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> This makes sense to me, too. I'm just a little impatient right now. ;-)


I feel you on that one. I've had very rough last few days. Have felt very alone. Still I want to wait until divorce is over to really put an effort into meeting someone via OLD or amplifying my social activities.


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> I feel you on that one. I've had very rough last few days. Have felt very alone. Still I want to wait until divorce is over to really put an effort into meeting someone via OLD or amplifying my social activities.


I totally understand that. I went on a few dates after I got settled into my place, but it was really to see what that felt like and to prove to myself that I could, if that makes sense. 

I backed off over the holidays and as my court date approached. Now that it's over, I feel like I'm ready to approach it with my shiny new fresh start in hand.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I feel you on that one. I've had very rough last few days. Have felt very alone. Still I want to wait until divorce is over to really put an effort into meeting someone via OLD or amplifying my social activities.


"Amplifying social activities" is good to do while you're going through this process. It will help you to feel less alone, to feel less normal... you would be surprised the amount of support you'll find IRL when you get out there, just making new friends, not looking for dates. Creating a new social circle and re-discovering yourself is a big part of the healing process. And you'll meet a lot of people who have gone through the same thing, and who will offer support just through friendship. It can make a big difference in how you experience this transition.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I totally understand that. I went on a few dates after I got settled into my place, but it was really to see what that felt like and to prove to myself that I could, if that makes sense.
> 
> I backed off over the holidays and as my court date approached. Now that it's over, I feel like I'm ready to approach it with my shiny new fresh start in hand.


I thought I was ready before my court date, but I held off on dating... it was about 6 mos after the divorce was final that I was REALLY ready. It's different for each person. But having the final divorce decree in hand provided some real closure that I didn't know I was looking for, until I had it. Even so, I realized that I just needed some more time after that. Being single, being on my own, and rediscovering myself ended up being its own reward.


----------



## TooNice

Let me just say how glad I am you came back, FiP. 

Everyone here knows how confusing and scary and overwhelming the transition from being married to not being married is. Post like your last two are great examples of why we come here to seek support through it all. 

Thank you for your wisdom...like so many others, you make a difference here, for sure.


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> I totally understand that. I went on a few dates after I got settled into my place, but it was really to see what that felt like and to prove to myself that I could, if that makes sense.
> 
> I backed off over the holidays and as my court date approached. Now that it's over, I feel like I'm ready to approach it with my shiny new fresh start in hand.


It does make sense. 

I did go out with a coworker who is very attractive and that gave me a confidence boost. I don't think I'll have a problem going out with dates but I'm growing less and less optimistic of finding a compatible woman. My experiences have been as of late that most people are flawed someway. 

Can't wait for my divorce to be final and have a shiny new start like you.


----------



## bkyln309

I waited for my divorce to be final too even though the x made the separation long. But my marriage had been dead for years and I was ready to move on for a long time before I ever signed the paper.

Sometimes I read the articles of waiting a year or two until you date because you have to know who you are. I read about men and women who are so emotionally scarred by the event of divorce. And I validate that experience is real for them. 

What I think is missing is those of us who grieved for years in a dead marriage and found ourselves in the process. It was that finding out who we really were to get to courage to file the papers. I had offers during my separation to date. Everyone told me I was free after all. But I could not in conscience do that. So I waited. 


So once I was free and the papers signed, I was more than ready to move on with someone else. I knew what i wanted and whom I wanted. Do I want another marriage or serious relationship right now? No, I dont. But I wont close that possibility off either.

There is someone out there for me if I want it and like everything else in life, I'll have to work to find them and maintain it. If someone is important, the work in the relationship will seem joyful. But until then, I am going to enjoy the process and what it has to teach me.


----------



## TooNice

Bkyln, it sounds like you are in a really good place. 
Can't wait to hear how the weekend turns out for you!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> It does make sense.
> 
> I did go out with a coworker who is very attractive and that gave me a confidence boost. I don't think I'll have a problem going out with dates but I'm growing less and less optimistic of finding a compatible woman. My experiences have been as of late that most people are flawed someway.
> 
> Can't wait for my divorce to be final and have a shiny new start like you.


It's true, there are a lot of damaged people out there. Not everyone who goes through a divorce takes the opportunity to learn and grow from the experience; they continue to blame external circumstances (or their former spouse) for their problems, rather than taking responsibility for their own choices, making changes, and fixing themselves.

The key to being successful out there is a) knowing how to identify these people, and b) avoiding getting mixed up with them. Additionally, working on yourself and being true to who YOU are, and being strong and authentic will naturally attract other people who want the same.

And let's face it--all of us are damaged in our own way. But the people I see here on TAM are working through it, and are moving forward so that they aren't controlled by that damage. We're all looking to grow and be better people... and there are other people like us out there, who aren't on TAM. It may be harder to find them, to find a good match for you, but they are out there.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Let me just say how glad I am you came back, FiP.
> 
> Everyone here knows how confusing and scary and overwhelming the transition from being married to not being married is. Post like your last two are great examples of why we come here to seek support through it all.
> 
> Thank you for your wisdom...like so many others, you make a difference here, for sure.


You flatter me, but I know it's sincere. Thanks. I'm happy to be back.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> But the people I see here on TAM are working through it, and are moving forward so that they aren't controlled by that damage. We're all looking to grow and be better people...


That reminds me of some good news I should share here. I had a therapy appt this morning. I've only been going every 8 weeks or so, but I also attend group mindfulness classes every week, so that substitutes for IC often. Today was to follow up after the court date and talk about what life looks like now. 

When we were done, my therapist looked at me and said, "you are in such a better place than you were when you started coming here. A good place." 

So, yay me.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> If someone is important, the work in the relationship will seem joyful.


I believe this to be true.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> bkyln309 said:
> 
> 
> 
> If someone is important, the work in the relationship will seem joyful.
> 
> 
> 
> I believe this to be true.
Click to expand...

:iagree: It's work that doesn't feel like work.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> I believe this to be true.





FeministInPink said:


> :iagree: It's work that doesn't feel like work.


Yes, but I just want to FIND a relationship to put the work into! lol!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, but I just want to FIND a relationship to put the work into! lol!


Don't we all?


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Do you think you were settling with x-GF? Then why do you want to get back with her?
> 
> And what do you mean by "when you realise they don't exist"?


Sort of, like, she was never one of those "instant sparks", she just grew on me, and there are things I don't like about her (nothing wrong with her in that regard - just 'wavelength'), but she's a decent woman, decent enough I decided to give it a go.

I do have feelings but it's not too strong, it's just "settling", if you get my meaning. As for realising they don't exist, I was speaking of women of the same wavelength, ex-wife was one, so was my first. They are too rare and with their problems my standards increased to unrealistic heights.

It's mostly due to upbringing differences when it comes to ex-gf hence the differences in wavelength, to the point that transparency is a goal rather than a feature of our relationship. As I knew certain things it would take time for her to understand.

Ex-GF is a great woman and has her strengths too that overshadows those two, enough that I feel she's worth keeping, if she would forgive and have me, but otherwise, it's rather meh, the whole thing on the emotional front - at least for me, at least for now. Only took me one night to get over her for instance, even though I had lots to take my mind off her.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I think we've done this before, but can I ask how old everyone is and if you have kids living at home? It seems like many have lots of time to date and/or multi date, and others who do not. I'm a bit jealous of those who do, I'll admit.. 

I'll start. I'm 34, and have sole custody of my D8. Her mom completely flaked and moved several states away. I AM blessed that I have some family close by and a great support group, but I don't feel comfortable just assuming they can always watch my daughter if I want to go out. I'm trying to find the balance between needed "me" time and making sure that my daughter doesn't feel like I'm always dumping her off with other people and flaking on her like her mom did. 

Others care to share?


----------



## TooNice

TheGoodGuy said:


> I think we've done this before, but can I ask how old everyone is and if you have kids living at home? It seems like many have lots of time to date and/or multi date, and others who do not. I'm a bit jealous of those who do, I'll admit..
> 
> I'll start. I'm 34, and have sole custody of my D8. Her mom completely flaked and moved several states away. I AM blessed that I have some family close by and a great support group, but I don't feel comfortable just assuming they can always watch my daughter if I want to go out. I'm trying to find the balance between needed "me" time and making sure that my daughter doesn't feel like I'm always dumping her off with other people and flaking on her like her mom did.
> 
> Others care to share?


There is definitely a balance, and I think what that means varies from person to person. I've known people who have made their children a complete priority, and refused to date until their kids are grown. I've also known people who feel that taking that "me" time (including dating time) makes them a better person and parent. It's good that you are trying to figure out where that balance falls for you. 

I am 43, and my kids are 22 and 18. Was ex's decision to time this so that we didn't divorce until after our youngest was in college. If I got to have a say, in hindsight, I'm not sure I would have done it this way. While my son may have had an "intact" family until he finished high school, he certainly did not have parents who modeled the type of relationship I hope he can have one day. 

But this is how it is, so yes, I use my free time when I can.


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## RandomDude

30 (almost!) with joint-custory of D6 thanks to a cooperative ex-wife and co-parent. When it comes to personal life, have all week free to work and date. Weekends dedicated for my daughter only, but always ready to free her from mummy's clutches at any time 

I'm very fortunate in this regard, alot to be thankful for. Can't imagine sole custody or if ex-wife wears her demon horns. Still get some problems like the whole "can't see you weekends" thing which was one of the reasons leading to my most recent split of ex-GF. 

But definitely nothing compared to alot of people it seems =/


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## 3Xnocharm

I am 44 and my daughter is 18. So I'm FREE! haha! I am not interested in dating men with young children because of this. (young as in like, 8yrs and under).


----------



## TooNice

This raises a question I've been thinking about lately. I hope you don't mind me tacking onto your questions, TGG!

My boy is home for break, has my car to visit friends, and I'm home alone texting a very cute guy who can't come over because my son *might* come home. (When they're younger they are either home or not home. At his age, he's coming and going all the time!) 

So, when did you talk to your kids about the fact you were dating? Any advice? Should I let his father's still secret relationship come into play for my decision? (As in, would it look bad in any way if it appears as though I'm dating first? Even though I know I'm not?) 
(And to be clear, I will not be sharing the truth about my ex with my son.) 

What were your experiences?


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

Hell my mum just went "This is uncle prick, be a good boy", when introducing me to her boyfriend after seperation. Didn't bother me, only bothered me when uncle prick acts up and she took his side over mine.

If he's old enough to drive, he should be old enough to understand you have a life too, but tis just me.


----------



## Acoa

I let my kids know I'm dating, but I won't bring a date around them until it's serious. 

It's a bit of a pain as they live at home with me and are 20, 18 and 16. So, yeah entirely unpredictable when they will be home. 

It's not been a problem yet, but I see hotel rooms in my future.


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## Lifescript

I think by the time they are 18 they can handle that conversation. If they can't, then they lack maturity in my opinion. 
I'm 31. My son is 7. I usually have no problem finding someone to babysit for my son. My mother does it and also my little sister who's 17. But I don't normally schedule stuff for days I have the kid since I feel wrong doing that. Besides he's the #1 person I want to spend time with.


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## Lifescript

Too Nice ... I wouldn't tell them about your ex. Only if they judge you and don't approve of it then I'd say something like this is what you need to move on and your ex is doing the same thing. 

My 2 cents.


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## Lone Shadow

32 again next month. My S8 and D1.5 are at home with me full time. I had to jerk a knot into S8 just a couple days ago. He wasn't getting his way with the sitter, and pulled the "I'll tell my mom" card. Yeah. 

That sh!t won't fly.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Makes one wonder if it's worth all the trouble. It's easier to be alone sometimes, but then I think of all the good that comes with a relationship, too. It's a definite trade-off.


I don't think so... Tell me the good of a relationship that can't be found being single other than regular sex and frequent hugs. Lol


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## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Don't we all?


No!


----------



## FeministInPink

35 and no kids at home... made the separation/divorce process much easier, and I'm happier that it means I never have to deal with my XH again.

Some women like me understand the challenges of dating with kids, others don't. I've had some men say to me, "Well, it's my night with the kids, but I can get a sitter" when suggesting going out, and that's usually a red flag for me. If a guy only has his kids half-time or whatever, that tells me he doesn't prioritize his kids.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I don't think so... Tell me the good of a relationship that can't be found being single other than regular sex and frequent hugs. Lol


It's about more than just sex and hugs. Companionship, and knowing that there's someone in your corner, who's got your back. Someone to share things with, and to help you out when things are rough, and who you can help when their sh!t gets tough.

Life's hard enough as it is; someone who's in it with you makes it all a little easier.



vi_bride04 said:


> No!


OK, so everyone except Vi :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Right. Money can't buy happiness, but it's a good start.

It's more than just sex and hugs, but sex and hugs are a good start.


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## Lifescript

I'm in the more than sex and hugs crowd. 

Having someone to share your life with to me is important. I miss waking up next to someone. There's a bunch of things I miss about my ex. The good things. The bad ... meh.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> It's about more than just sex and hugs. Companionship, and knowing that there's someone in your corner, who's got your back. Someone to share things with, and to help you out when things are rough, and who you can help when their sh!t gets tough.
> 
> Life's hard enough as it is; someone who's in it with you makes it all a little easier.


Dogs and friends for companionship, I have me in my corner and know I can handle the sh!t life throws at me. And I don't have to compromise or try to meet the needs of another person... Or fight/argue when needs aren't being met. 

I just don't feel the work of a relationship is worth the good points. It's hard enough putting work into myself... Can't imagine trying to maintain that AND a romantic relationship. 

I feel I'm extremely selfish at this point after my divorce. I'm loving the spontaneousness of my life, it's who I am and who I couldn't be when married. I'm realizing it was a much more constricting environment the more I do what I want when I want. I'm sure that plays a huge part in not wanting to get involved in a relationship again. I feel my freedom will be limited due to having to pay attention to someone else...ya know compromise and stuff. Ugh.


----------



## RandomDude

The problem with companionship or at least trying to get the benefits of a relationship without the headaches is... emotions fking creep in and BAH!

Once you have it, then you want more, then romance happens, stupid fking romantic moments triggering this pathetic human desire for love, suggestions get flooded into your brain thanks to hormones and you do something stupid; you give in. Then you break up... and go, 'oh hey, emotions at it again, now I lost an awesome FWB'. Is love worth it? As nice as it felt, the consequences of allowing emotions into my relationship with my ex-GF/former FWB now has resulted in a broken heart, and celibacy for me, for short bursts of this heavenly high that comes with love that is more like a drug that should be banned.

BAH! Fk, even had a dream last night before my daughter woke me up, had all my exs hating me and now I'm in a sh-t mood even though it was just all a dream, as it revealed that I still have this stupid silly annoying unrealistic desire to love and be loved. I despise how our creator has evolved us, to desire something that we all know only leads to sh-t 100% of the time unless we are lucky like the very few, and even those lucky ones may not even be lucky, FK! Is it even worth it? Pffft, only thing good that came out of the mess of a marriage is my daughter, and that's IT.

Bah!
/end vent


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, love is absolutely worth it. And there's nothing wrong with emotions. There's nothing wrong with feeling something.

And your desire to love and be loved isn't unrealistic. The human desire for love isn't pathetic; it's part of who we are.


----------



## RandomDude

I just hate this part of me so much 
I hate it so much I wish theres some drug or hypnotherapy that can rid me of it... BAH! It always leads me into sh-t.

It works for some folks, but doesn't work for me, emotions only bring out the worst in me, people suffer for it, ex-gf suffered because I couldn't handle them and current issues at the same time, ex-wife suffered because it conflicts with my childhood conditioning that love/emotions/yadda is weak and pathetic. I suffer because it tears me apart internally.

Desire to love and be loved is unrealistic to me (not others, but for me), it's just impossible. I'm too damaged for it, too hardened for it, too distrusting for it, and none of which I can change, only manage, and even that takes effort on my part, effort that I can not always commit - like with ex-GF I couldn't deal with everything at once. I've had this from 14 now through to near 30, it's just too late to fix.

*sigh* 
Yeah... I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this time. I FKING HATE IT, stupid fking dream/nightmare... BAH!

/end vent


----------



## RandomDude

Bah... you know what's worse, it seems some people with a similar/worse upbringing than me ended up completely broken when it comes to the emotional department to the point they can't feel anything.

Why couldn't I be one of them? Instead of having a half dead heart, I'd rather have a full dead one like them. It was to be my fate, now I can't say which fate is crueler, mine or theirs. To have the desire completely stripped from them, sounds like a dream, a good dream to me.

*sigh*
Anyway, thanks, good to let it out. 

Feeling a bit better, and at least my half dead heart allows me to love my daughter yes? Silver-lining in all this somewhere I guess.


----------



## FeministInPink

It's not too late, RD. The science seems to be conflicted on this, but some studies have shown that personalities aren't completely set in stone until the age of 35, or even later. It takes a lot of work, but it's not too late. 

Our upbringing/experiences are one factor, they're not the end all and be all of why we are the way we are. Some of it's genetics, but much of it is choice, too. At least you recognize that it's a problem. Those people that have a full-dead heart don't even realize that they have a problem, so there's no hope for them. 

But if YOU want to change, if YOU want to be different, you CAN. You're only 30; you have your entire life in front of you. All of our behavior is learned; you can un-learn it and learn new behaviors.

Einstein said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

If you want different results, do something differently. It's hard. I know that; I try, and fail all the time, but it doesn't stop me from trying to do better the next day. And the day after that, and the day after that.


----------



## RandomDude

Well I dunno, it will take alot to change, and when it comes to ability to love, it's a two way street. I just don't see it happening anymore. 

At least my capacity to love my daughter isn't broken. You know she's just the sweetest girl a father could hope for, sure she can be annoying like this morning giggling as she put the cat on daddy's face but I have to get up.

I want to get up, I want to take her out, see the world, guide her in life's experiences, I love to hear her share everything about her little world, takes my mind off the BS of the grown up world, I find it so adorable how she tries to impress daddy, all the while I know that this love is always real and it's unconditional, she just loves daddy! So proud of her too, so smart and such as smartass, while ex-wife complains, I encourage! I love how she's so inquisitive, embarrasses mummy in church thanks to daddy's influence but LOL! There's a joy in fatherhood that serves as my grip during the storms, keeps me grounded, keeps me sane (sort of)

I would break a thousand hearts if I means I'll never have to break hers - one thing ex-gf doesn't understand, daughter will always be my priority, her upbringing and welfare will always take priority over all her little complaints that she can't see me on the weekends or meet my daughter when she's not even ready. Too much baggage? Well, stay out of my life then bah! Problem with dating women without kids.

Sure as hell not going to be like my mum when I was young, her bf's word is law... pffft! Fk that! Honestly I should have gone after him during my youth, clean him out like the trash he was but I didn't look hard enough to find him.

Anyway I'm feeling better  After ex returns her from church think we'll go for another day-out. I'll probably go crazy again at the end of next week, especially if I have such a dream again. But then I'll see my daughter again next weekend, pick her up, and know that at least I will always have someone that brings out the best in me.

... if I lose her though I would be damaged forever.


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, the way you talk about your daughter just proves to me that you're capable of making those changes. You're capable of love. 

And when you talk about x-GF like that, I wonder why you would want her back, if she can't understand and appreciate that D8 is the priority in your life. There are other women out there who are more understanding and empathetic.


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## RandomDude

One thing I found very insulting was that she expressed her fear/suspicion that I was cheating on her during the weekends instead of being with my daughter like WTF? I've let alot of things slide when it comes to ex-GF. 

I dunno, maybe at the same time I'm being harsh, she only expressed that once, and I haven't been establishing firm boundaries with her as I should have been especially after we returned from holidays.

Regardless, meh, she's already the best I've found out of quite a number of women since seperation. It's unrealistic to assume that I can find better, considering already I'm settling. Meh, I'm really starting to give up on the whole thing, hence I wish I can just rid myself of this desire for companionship.

I don't see any benefit of it, as I mentioned, only good thing to have come out of all the lovey doveys in my life is my daughter and that's it.


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, her fear/suspicion is about her, not you. As far as I know, you gave her no reason to distrust you, so that comes from something in her past. Likely she's been cheated on before and has a hard time trusting. Don't take that sh!t personally, because it doesn't really have anything to do with you.

Work on you, and better women will come out of the woodwork. We're here, but we're hard to find sometimes. We're at the top of the apple tree. Stop wasting your time on the low-hanging fruit, or the fruit that's fallen in the ground.

bkyln309 wrote earlier, "If someone is important, the work in the relationship will seem joyful."

Look for someone who doesn't feel like work, and who doesn't make those kind of demands on you. Women like that ARE out there, I promise. In your age bracket. You're too young to say that all the good ones are already taken. 

(BTW, x-GF sounds like work....)


----------



## RandomDude

Well, seeing is believing 

There's so many women in my city, but they seem to be mostly of a similar standard, while ex-GF is already a step up from the majority - including several of her friends who I simply can't stand!

But finding the right one is only half the story too, I don't think I'm capable of truly loving someone either, well, either than my daughter of course. In the end, it's just enough to convince me to give up hope.

Tis ok, we'll see as time goes by. Thanks though, I needed to let it out.


----------



## FeministInPink

Got a last-minute invite tonight to see The Legwarmers, a popular 80s cover band in Virginia. Having a ton of fun, dancing, singing along, and people watching. Most of the audience members are dressed in 80s costumes 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

F K I N G 
C A R 
B A T T E R Y !!!!

-.- 
Oh well, no going out tonight with my little girl, fixing my wheels... GRRR today is a bad, BAD day

EDIT: On the plus side, it happened at home, so I dont have to deal with my daughter going nuts stuck in the middle of nowhere. Stomach growling now though.... grrrr


----------



## RandomDude

Been thinking, everytime I tell myself "it's impossible" "I'm done with relationships" "I had enough", I feel my 'heart sink', or more accurately, like my gut sinking, some strange feeling, not really pain but feels off.

Anyone felt this? Is this normal? Common? Is this what the term "heart sink" means? Does it ever end?


----------



## Lone Shadow

No worries RD. That's just your body telling you that your brain is being stupid for thinking such ridiculous thoughts. After a while, I'm sure your body will come around. 

I'm confused about how a dead battery in the car would be allowed to ruin a night out. Jump it, problem solved.


----------



## RandomDude

Sure if I want to get us stranded in the middle of nowhere or leave the car running for hours  besides I would appreciate a more detailed explanation for this heart sinking feeling n perhaps what pharmaceuticals I can may be able to use to shut it up.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Pharmaceuticals? Not sure I can help you there. But let me introduce you to my pal Johnny Walker, and his brothers, Black and Red.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! Whats so ridicolous about those thoughts anyway?

I no longer consider relationships for me worthy of any mental, emotional or financial investment, it's just a waste of time and it ruins the good sh-t that I have - e.g. FWB arrangement with ex-GF before all the emo crap. Only one in my life worthy of my love is my daughter and that's it. The rest just piss me the fk off, hell they even try to cut in between us, even my fking ex-wife was jealous of the unconditional love I gave my daughter. Like WTF?! She's my only child FFS

She's also all that I have left to keep my fking sanity lest I go even more bonkers. Did ex-wife aid in keeping my sanity? NO! She already made me even more insane! How is it even possible for me to enter into a relationship knowing that I've had enough of all this bullsh-t and will not tolerate anyone or anything that jeopardises the promise I have made to my only child?

Bah! Yadda yadda ex-gf can get fked (by someone else), so can ex-wife, so can any potential future ex-wife/ex-gf I meet. I'm finished... and I can't sleep because I'm stressing out about tomorrow having the tax office stressing me out all week last week thanks to this BS PM that no one seems to admit voting for. BAH! And no, I can't drink, I used to be an alcoholic drinking at least 750ml of bourbon a day and my body is already fked from it. 

/end vent
Time for bed for nutcase RD...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> No worries RD. That's just your body telling you that your brain is being stupid for thinking such ridiculous thoughts. After a while, I'm sure your body will come around.
> 
> I'm confused about how a dead battery in the car would be allowed to ruin a night out. Jump it, problem solved.


Or maybe his body is right, and the brain IS having ridiculous thoughts. Our brains play tricks on us all the time.


----------



## Lone Shadow

True enough Pink.

RD, Take that nutcase and go to bed.


----------



## 06Daddio08

FeministInPink said:


> Or maybe his body is right, and the brain IS having ridiculous thoughts. Our brains play tricks on us all the time.


Is it really a trick though? Sure we can have one of those moments where you think "I wonder what it would feel like if I swerved off this bridge right now", but when the thoughts are reoccurring I think it's more of a lack of understanding yourself. Rather than a tricks.

I have some ridiculous thoughts at times as well, on relationships and my own personal well-being but it's more along the lines of who I am and accepting it.

Sure doesn't make it easy at times though. Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

I think the key is knowing the difference between self-talk, self-doubt, insecurities, etc., and what is actually rational thought. That can be hard to do, especially if you've experienced extensive emotional abuse, manipulation, etc., or other types of emotional trauma.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> *Been thinking, everytime I tell myself "it's impossible" "I'm done with relationships" "I had enough", *I feel my 'heart sink', or more accurately, like my gut sinking, some strange feeling, not really pain but feels off.
> 
> Anyone felt this? Is this normal? Common? Is this what the term "heart sink" means? Does it ever end?





RandomDude said:


> I no longer consider relationships for me worthy of any mental, emotional or financial investment, it's just a waste of time and it ruins the good sh-t that I have
> 
> Bah! Yadda yadda ex-gf can get fked (by someone else), so can ex-wife, so can any potential future ex-wife/ex-gf I meet. I'm finished...


Ugh, this all sounds like my most recent ex boyfriend, who I still want to be with.  He broke up with me and says he has sworn off relationships forever. (he did clarify that this is not MY fault, it wasnt my doing) Says he just wants to be by himself, do his own thing, he just doesnt want to be bothered with someone else any more. He and I are friends now, he alluded to me being his best friend the other day...that both made me smile and broke my heart. It gives me hope and crushes the hope as soon as it comes up. I have been really trying both to be a good friend and to show him that I am the one he needs to be with. I have been there for him and he knows he can count on me, more than his other friends combined. Gah. Anyway.

NOW, that said...if he gets that heart sinking feeling that you do RD, he hasnt said. But I have a feeling you get that because you really dont want to swear off relationships, that is your gut trying to tell you the truth. Why make a sweeping decision like that? Why not just tell yourself that it may not be what you want RIGHT NOW, but maybe some day? 

By the way, I am one of those in the camp that says you should not have let that woman go.


----------



## GA HEART

So, pardon my complete over-thinking moment here, but I had some thoughts. Trying to figure some stuff out.

Ok, so people are "hard wired" to want to pair up or whatever. But what if the more emotionally healthy thing is to just be alone. I don't mean alone like the little "forever alone" meme that circulates the internet. But like just NOT in a traditional relationship. What if we were just meant to be in kinda a "group" relationship? And again, not talking about polyamory necessarily either. (Not sure I can get my thoughts through in writing.)

I spent the weekend with my best friend who lives an hour and a half away. I LOVE this girl with all my heart. We have been each others' "bestie" for almost 12 years. I don't get to see her as much as I would like to because we both have full time jobs, kids, and other responsibilities. Not to mention the distance. But we spent time together, went riding, went out to eat, went to the bookstore, etc. Everything I could have done with a significant other. Except without any judgement, whining, arguing, etc. We know each other so well and get along so well that it is rare that we EVER fight, even if we disagree. I have often joked that if I could find her in the male form, I will have found THE perfect man for me. 

Except then he might replace her, and I CANNOT have that! (And she absolutely feels the same way!) LOL! During the weekend, I talked to and thought about a couple of my other friends that I love dearly. I do have several very good friends that I love so very much. (Mostly just gal pals.)

So it got me to wondering WHY I seem to think there is something WRONG with the fact that I can't find and keep a good man in my life. Like, why do I even seem to WANT one? When I am on my own, I can do what I want, when I want. Don't have to answer to anyone! If i wasnt to lay in bed and eat ice cream all day I can or if I want to go ride my horses I can or if I want to take my kids to the movies I can. Its a pretty AWESOME gig! LOL! And my brain and even my heart on some level knows this.

When I was a kid, I ALWAYS wanted something to love me best. I am a middle child, and was the problem child. My dad was/is a good man, but he worked and is old fashioned (mom should raise kids, kids should be seen and not heard....basically we didn't really exist to him.) I was/am a huge animal lover because critters have unconditional love (love attention/food, I'm no dummy. LOL!)

I dunno. Trying to figure myself out. Haha! Maybe it's just society shoving relationships down my throat. Maybe it's my unresolved need for affection as a child. But at 35, with pretty much 3 failed relationships under my belt......I need to figure my own crap out. LOL!


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking, everytime I tell myself "it's impossible" "I'm done with relationships" "I had enough", I feel my 'heart sink', or more accurately, like my gut sinking, some strange feeling, not really pain but feels off.
> 
> Anyone felt this? Is this normal? Common? Is this what the term "heart sink" means? Does it ever end?


RD, what if you could shift that mindset? Think more along the lines of, "now isn't the right time", or "the universe has other things for me to learn before I'm ready to meet HER"? 

Clearly exgf was not the one, but you did a lot of soul searching in the process of being with her. That's a good thing, regardless of the outcome. Impossible is a very big word, and not one that I think we should use in life. I agree that you are clearly capable of love. And when that happens, it will not be work. You will be guarded at first...because that's you. When it's right though, you'll see signs early on that you might be able to trust. And it will take off from there. But that's not a thing that you should decide at 30 will never happen for you. 

I've mentioned my stance on fate here before. Everything happens in life to prepare us for the next thing. When we are open to the lessons handed to us, and the teachers who provide them, we gain so much more from our experiences!

I'm sorry the past few days have been so challenging for you in this regard. But very glad you have been posting here. I hope it's helped!


----------



## FeministInPink

GA HEART said:


> So, pardon my complete over-thinking moment here, but I had some thoughts. Trying to figure some stuff out.
> 
> Ok, so people are "hard wired" to want to pair up or whatever. But what if the more emotionally healthy thing is to just be alone. I don't mean alone like the little "forever alone" meme that circulates the internet. But like just NOT in a traditional relationship. What if we were just meant to be in kinda a "group" relationship? And again, not talking about polyamory necessarily either. (Not sure I can get my thoughts through in writing.)
> 
> I spent the weekend with my best friend who lives an hour and a half away. I LOVE this girl with all my heart. We have been each others' "bestie" for almost 12 years. I don't get to see her as much as I would like to because we both have full time jobs, kids, and other responsibilities. Not to mention the distance. But we spent time together, went riding, went out to eat, went to the bookstore, etc. *Everything I could have done with a significant other. Except without any judgement, whining, arguing, etc. We know each other so well and get along so well that it is rare that we EVER fight, even if we disagree. I have often joked that if I could find her in the male form, I will have found THE perfect man for me. *
> 
> Except then he might replace her, and I CANNOT have that! (And she absolutely feels the same way!) LOL! During the weekend, I talked to and thought about a couple of my other friends that I love dearly. I do have several very good friends that I love so very much. (Mostly just gal pals.)


This is why the friendship component of a healthy relationship is so important. And in a healthy relationship, you are able to do these things with your partner without judgement, whining, arguing... 

A partner who judges doesn't know how to love compassionately.

A partner who whines is immature, manipulative, and childish, and doesn't know how to love generously and honestly.

A partner who argues over silly things doesn't understand the importance of compromise, and doesn't know how to love selflessly.

A partner who is emotionally healthy will love you the same way your friends do, without judgement and without reservation. If you don't have friendship with a romantic partner, your chance of getting this is very slim.



GA HEART said:


> So it got me to wondering WHY I seem to think there is something WRONG with the fact that I can't find and keep a good man in my life. *Like, why do I even seem to WANT one? When I am on my own, I can do what I want, when I want. Don't have to answer to anyone! If i wasnt to lay in bed and eat ice cream all day I can or if I want to go ride my horses I can or if I want to take my kids to the movies I can.* Its a pretty AWESOME gig! LOL! And my brain and even my heart on some level knows this.
> 
> When I was a kid, I ALWAYS wanted something to love me best. I am a middle child, and was the problem child. My dad was/is a good man, but he worked and is old fashioned (mom should raise kids, kids should be seen and not heard....basically we didn't really exist to him.) I was/am a huge animal lover because critters have unconditional love (love attention/food, I'm no dummy. LOL!)
> 
> I dunno. Trying to figure myself out. Haha! Maybe it's just society shoving relationships down my throat. Maybe it's my unresolved need for affection as a child. But at 35, with pretty much 3 failed relationships under my belt......I need to figure my own crap out. LOL!


With the type of partner I described above, you can still do the things that you want. But sometimes the things that you WANT to do and your priorities change when you're in a relationship. 

If I'm single, I might spend all day on Saturday binge watching Grey's Anatomy and eating ice cream because, hey, it's my Saturday, and I'm going to do what I want. But if I'm in a relationship, and I have the choice of 1) binge-watching Grey's Anatomy or 2) going to a car show with my man because he loves cars and that's what he wants to do, I'm going to choose to go to the car show, because spending time with him doing something he loves is more important to me.

At the same time, I'm not going to give up the things that make me happy just because I'm in a relationship. I'm still going to do karaoke, take time for my writing and my books, and see my friends. I'm not going to give up the things that make me ME for the sake of a relationship. It may require better time management to balance these things, but a healthy partner would never expect me to give up the things I love.

When you get to the point in a relationship where you're "answering" to someone else, it should only be because you've reached a level of serious commitment, and have shared goals and plans for the future as a couple. But that doesn't mean that your partner owns your time, or that you own theirs. In a healthy relationship, you have respect for one another's time, and recognize that you are still two individuals, individuals living and working in tandem. 

There's great freedom to be found in a healthy relationship. Freedom from judgement and manipulation--freedom to be yourself and to grow with someone who has your back, and freedom to love unconditionally. 

So many people have been hurt and scarred by those they have loved, the prospect of being loving someone else (and the vulnerability that comes with it) is scary. So we keep people at arm's length, try to stay detached, say we don't need or want a relationship, all in the name of self-protection.


----------



## FeministInPink

And an interesting article:

Why Do You Want To Be in a Relationship?


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> And an interesting article:
> 
> Why Do You Want To Be in a Relationship?


Oh, that is very good!


----------



## FeministInPink

And in the interest of sharing articles, and whether RD should be following his gut or his brain--since this is something we are all really invested in!--here's a take on that:

7 Ways to Better Listen to Your Intuition | The Mind Unleashed


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> And in the interest of sharing articles, and whether RD should be following his gut or his brain--since this is something we are all really invested in!--here's a take on that:
> 
> 7 Ways to Better Listen to Your Intuition | The Mind Unleashed


Thanks for sharing these, FIP. That one was great, too! I have said several times since I found out about the OW that I have one major take-away from my marriage: I will never again doubt my intuition or question myself. As sad as it is to have had things end the way they did, I can hold my held high and know that I can and should trust myself. And I am now adding more of the elements of the article into my single life-meditation, creativity, etc. It's definitely helping me to figure out who I am and want to be. Never thought about the tie-in to intuition, but it makes perfect sense!


----------



## GA HEART

Good article!

I suppose I'm in the first category right now......but only because I am fresh out of the last relationship. I know I am not ready for anything else right now. I think a little bit of my upset comes from the fact that I totally was in the second category before my last realtionship, and thought he was too. In fact, that was one of the biggest turn ons when I met him......the fact that he was introspective and very centered on personal growth and self healing. I really don't know when he shifted into full blown, immature man child....it was very subtle. But by the time I realized he was not the same person he portrayed himself to be at first, we were living together. Breaking up with him was VERY difficult.

Perhaps I'm just shifting back into the self love I had before I met him. I don't guess I was secure enough in it to maintain. Because if I had been maintaining, I would have recognized man-child a lot sooner and gotten rid of him then. Maybe.

Learning how to listen to intuition is a KEY thing. I have been known to ignore it. But I'm afraid I will go off on the other end of the spectrum and blow off EVERYONE at the first sign of ANYTHING. What is the balance?


----------



## TooNice

GA HEART said:


> Learning how to listen to intuition is a KEY thing. I have been known to ignore it. But I'm afraid I will go off on the other end of the spectrum and blow off EVERYONE at the first sign of ANYTHING. What is the balance?


I think that's where practicing the things listed in the article come into play. When we learn how to incorporate things like listening, meditation, and self awareness, I can see how they would all start to work together. I know for me, this will always be a work in progress.


----------



## FeministInPink

GA, some people are very good at wearing masks... you think they're in the second category, but they're actually in the first category. They do that because they want someone in the second category, who they think will help them along. They don't realize that the healing has to come from within.

I think that everyone finds them in category one after a serious relationship ends. It takes some time and healing to get from one to two. I wouldn't be too worried about it, you'll get there.

Finding balance? You need to learn the difference between real intuition, and reactions to triggers. And it's good to not react in the moment, but find someone (who is emotionally healthy, and whose advice you trust) off of whom you can bounce these things. Go to your someone and say, "I'm feeling funny about X, and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting/triggering, or of this is an actual issue. What do you think?" I have a good friend who has helped me in a similar fashion. Talking through it can be immensely helpful.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I think that's where practicing the things listed in the article come into play. When we learn how to incorporate things like listening, meditation, and self awareness, I can see how they would all start to work together. I know for me, this will always be a work in progress.


:iagree:

We're all works in progress, all our lives.


----------



## GA HEART

That's a good way to put it.....real intuition and reacting to triggers. My bestie is my sounding board. She did help me out A LOT in this realtionship and pointed out "red flags" early on. I just didn't know what they meant. Looking back, of course I can see what they were. (The whole hindsight 20/20 thing, captain obvious, GA. LOL!)

I know I will get right again. Because I have done it before. I don't want to get "duped" again, but perhaps I've learned enough to avoid it next time. Perhaps not. But at least I learned that I can live through it if I do.


----------



## GA HEART

And YES to the WIP!!!!! LOL!


----------



## FeministInPink

And, because I haven't forgotten those of us who are embracing their single life, here you go:

What Being Single Is About. And Why It May Be the Best Way To Live


----------



## GA HEART

That's the best one yet! LOL!


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> And, because I haven't forgotten those of us who are embracing their single life, here you go:
> 
> What Being Single Is About. And Why It May Be the Best Way To Live


----------



## RandomDude

Man, reading my own post, my brain is seriously fked up...

Anyway, forgot to add:

/end vent
Going to bed early, had enough of today's rat race


----------



## ne9907

Ive decided to introduce the new guy to my brother and niece. It has been about two and a half months, almost three months since we began "dating." Perpahs this weekend we will all have lunch together. 
Any better ideas of how not to make abig deal about this introduction?

On another news, I am joining a Women's Empowerement circle. 
On another news, T-15 days till Peru!!!

So excited yay!


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking, everytime I tell myself "it's impossible" "I'm done with relationships" "I had enough", I feel my 'heart sink', or more accurately, like my gut sinking, some strange feeling, not really pain but feels off.
> 
> Anyone felt this? Is this normal? Common? Is this what the term "heart sink" means? Does it ever end?


It's the opposite for me. Usually when I have said that in my life, I meant it. Inevitablu, I have always met someone else eventually though. Too many people on the planet not to.



3Xnocharm said:


> He broke up with me and says he has sworn off relationships forever. (he did clarify that this is not MY fault, it wasnt my doing) Says he just wants to be by himself, do his own thing, he just doesnt want to be bothered with someone else any more.


I can relate to this so much in the sense that I find dating so time-consuming. And I get really irritated/annoyed when I can't have "me" time and have to split a lot of my time with someone else. I seriously can't remember how the heck I was married and had a husband, was a wife, and a home and everything, for many years.


----------



## ne9907

Oh I forgot to add other news. Do you remember blue eyes? First guy I dated after divorce, found out he was married after ending things etc etc etc... Havent spoken to him since last year.
Yesterday, I get a text from him "hey this is blue and this is my new number"

I thought it was a mass message so did not respond. Then I get another text, "Do you still have this number?" so I replied yes, I asked why he had changed his number, he said he was having issues with his ex wife.

I left it at that.


----------



## ne9907

Omg I am on a roll to-day! I found this great article:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/there-is-something-better-than-finding-a-soulmate/


----------



## Jellybeans

Coulda said: "The wife you never told me about? Sorry to hear about it, bro. Best of luck." Bye.

I think your non-response was better though.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Coulda said: "The wife you never told me about? Sorry to hear about it, bro. Best of luck." Bye.
> 
> I think your non-response was better though.


haha! that would have been fun 

A while ago, I had a sort of friend of mine confess his love for me via text and i simply replied "cool story bro" 
that was it haha....


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL that is kinda, um, cold, Ne. But it made me laugh.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> LOL that is kinda, um, cold, Ne. But it made me laugh.


He is an ass, has a girlfriend, and is always flirting with other women on social media.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> He is an ass, has a girlfriend, and is always flirting with other women on social media.


That makes it a little more appropriate.


----------



## RandomDude

EDIT: Well, ex-gf has moved on, and now she's the one asking for space - so this bridge is going to be burnt for some time. Not going to get into our conversations but, it's better this then to keep leading her on, telling myself I felt something when I just got over dumping her in 1 day no?
Think I'm too honest, could just have went for it, at least I got sex, but meh, better with someone else then with someone who's just going to be hurt at the end of the day no?

Wish I could say I handled it the best I could, don't know what came over me when I decided to try a relationship with an FWB. Still, it sure helped me understand women like her. Time to move on with lessons learnt for both of us.

Now to the sad sad game once again of lady-hopping until I find a decent enough FWB to go exclusive with and also wants exclusivity. Think I'm spoiled with having someone all to myself without the baggage, was a clean experience sexually, and would like to repeat it, without the mistakes of the past. With reflection now it seems this is where my direction is headed in life in terms of "companionship".

Just suits me more, have to accept what I am.


----------



## RandomDude

Alright, after some reflection, and now that I'm calmer...

I think made the mistake of wanting a relationship when I'm simply not ready for one, with a FWB. Consequences of that was felt quite deeply tonight, it's not easy to screw over someone you've been spending so much time and sleeping with since last year. I feel like I betrayed her.

She probably hates me now but we ended things with full closure at least, and transparency/honesty - at least on my side, she deserved as much.

I should have known better than to do what I did, I also decided not to take anymore action to make myself ready for the future either. Either than looking for casual encounters, as I blow up everything I touch when emotions get involved somehow, myself included in the blasts.

Like a Homer Simpson but with emo explosives...
Kaboom! Heartbreak here, Kaboom! heartbreak there...

In the end, have to be content with just sex. No one explodes!


----------



## Jellybeans

Perhaps you're just not ready for a relationship. It's better you recognized that and told her then continued to lead her on thinking you were into something more when you weren't. That to me, would be the betrayal. You had initially told her you only wanted FWB, right? So you were transparent. Then you both thought maybe you could have a go of a relationship together, and then you pulled back when you decided you weren't ready - you told her, so, again, you were transparent.

Stop beating yourself up.

Not every relationship is meant to last. Hell, most don't. 

Spend some time alone.


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. I am doing a drive by post (sorry). Just wanted to let you know my date on Friday with the older man turned out great. In fact, we saw each other Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. And this week we are seeing each other Wed night and Thursday night. We click really well. However starting Friday, our schedules conflict for 3 weeks. So we may not see each other at all other than the phone.

Ill be back later to catch up. Kids are on spring break so I am trying to keep them occupied!!!


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Alright, after some reflection, and now that I'm calmer...
> 
> I think made the mistake of wanting a relationship when I'm simply not ready for one, with a FWB. Consequences of that was felt quite deeply tonight, it's not easy to screw over someone you've been spending so much time and sleeping with since last year. I feel like I betrayed her.
> 
> She probably hates me now but we ended things with full closure at least, and transparency/honesty - at least on my side, she deserved as much.
> 
> I should have known better than to do what I did, I also decided not to take anymore action to make myself ready for the future either. Either than looking for casual encounters, as I blow up everything I touch when emotions get involved somehow, myself included in the blasts.
> 
> Like a Homer Simpson but with emo explosives...
> Kaboom! Heartbreak here, Kaboom! heartbreak there...
> 
> In the end, have to be content with just sex. No one explodes!


I respect you were honest with yourself and your FWB about where you are. I think honesty is very important. Be true to yourself and dont beat yourself up. If you arent ready for a relationship, you did the best thing by ending something that was turning into one.


----------



## Jellybeans

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. I am doing a drive by post (sorry). Just wanted to let you know my date on Friday with the older man turned out great. In fact, we saw each other Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. And this week we are seeing each other Wed night and Thursday night. We click really well. However starting Friday, our schedules conflict for 3 weeks. So we may not see each other at all other than the phone.
> 
> Ill be back later to catch up. Kids are on spring break so I am trying to keep them occupied!!!


Bow chicka bow wow - to the old man!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. I am doing a drive by post (sorry). Just wanted to let you know my date on Friday with the older man turned out great. In fact, we saw each other Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. And this week we are seeing each other Wed night and Thursday night. We click really well. However starting Friday, our schedules conflict for 3 weeks. So we may not see each other at all other than the phone.
> 
> Ill be back later to catch up. Kids are on spring break so I am trying to keep them occupied!!!


HA! I KNEW IT!


----------



## bkyln309

3Xnocharm said:


> HA! I KNEW IT!


He is not attractive but he is charming, smart and a total gentleman. And there is chemistry. So yay!!


----------



## ne9907

bkyln309 said:


> He is not attractive but he is charming, smart and a total gentleman. And there is chemistry. So yay!!


hey! non attractive folks need loving too


----------



## TheGoodGuy

So how does that work? Not attractive to you but there's chemistry? -Honest question, not being snotty.. I think I would find it hard to find chemistry with someone I didn't find at least somewhat attractive.


----------



## FeministInPink

All those other things that she said about him... charming, smart, a gentleman? Non-physical characteristics a woman deems attractive, combined with good old pheromones, can create a lot of chemistry for a woman.

There are a lot of women out there who are perfectly happy to date a conventionally unattractive man, if he possesses the other qualities she seeks in a mate, and can feel a lot of chemistry with such a man. His personality turns her on more than his looks. And if she falls for him, he will become physically attractive to her.

I've dated men who were very attractive physically, and I've dated men who were much less so. But in all cases, what attracted me to them initially was their personality. The handsome ones were nice to look at, sure, but that wasn't what I really cared about. It was about the person. It didn't matter to me how hot they were, if they were a jerk or didn't have the good personality, they weren't getting anywhere near my bed.

Many women understand the fleeting existence of beauty, and therefore place less investment in that, I think, in large part because our society/culture is constantly perpetuating the falsehood that a woman is only as valuable as her looks. Entire industries are built on this. Somewhere inside, some women know this isn't true, and so refuse to apply the same standard to men.


----------



## FeministInPink

I hate that unsettled feeling that one gets after a bad dream. It's very hard for me to shake the negative emotions that a bad dream can stir up.

(I took a nap after work, and clearly didn't have a positive dream experience.)


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I hate that unsettled feeling that one gets after a bad dream. It's very hard for me to shake the negative emotions that a bad dream can stir up.
> 
> (I took a nap after work, and clearly didn't have a positive dream experience.)



I know this feeling. It sucks!


----------



## FeministInPink

Since I'm all about sharing the links lately...

20 Ways To Recognize A Good Partner


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> I respect you were honest with yourself and your FWB about where you are. I think honesty is very important. Be true to yourself and dont beat yourself up. If you arent ready for a relationship, you did the best thing by ending something that was turning into one.





Jellybeans said:


> Perhaps you're just not ready for a relationship. It's better you recognized that and told her then continued to lead her on thinking you were into something more when you weren't. That to me, would be the betrayal. You had initially told her you only wanted FWB, right? So you were transparent. Then you both thought maybe you could have a go of a relationship together, and then you pulled back when you decided you weren't ready - you told her, so, again, you were transparent.
> 
> Stop beating yourself up.
> 
> Not every relationship is meant to last. Hell, most don't.
> 
> Spend some time alone.


Don't know if it's the best I could have done but thank you. Hell, all this time, and my daughter is a mystery to her, she's probably thinking "yeah, I was right, he dumped me because he knew he would be found out - that he was cheating on me on the weekends", but meh, she can think whatever she wants - not going to make my daughter go bonkers just to please one woman.

Regardless of all this, I have a date on Friday! lol
Probably one of 50 as I start another quest of "Find a replacement FWB who obeys the FWB rules - no emo!"
RD is a man on a mission! 

Shame the date is on Friday though, if it was tomorrow could have used Friday to get more numbers/dates/etc, since I doubt I would be THAT lucky to have a perfect FWB in one go. Hope it won't take too long to re-establish some sexual release... bah!



FeministInPink said:


> I hate that unsettled feeling that one gets after a bad dream. It's very hard for me to shake the negative emotions that a bad dream can stir up.
> 
> (I took a nap after work, and clearly didn't have a positive dream experience.)


It ruins your whole day  I hate it!

Waking up with someone next to you helps somewhat however



TheGoodGuy said:


> So how does that work? Not attractive to you but there's chemistry? -Honest question, not being snotty.. I think I would find it hard to find chemistry with someone I didn't find at least somewhat attractive.


Errr, they're female...

Tis normal, we men are more visual creatures


----------



## vi_bride04

RD why don't you just stay away from women for awhile, even if it's just ramming


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> Regardless of all this, I have a date on Friday! lol
> Probably one of 50 as I start another quest of "Find a replacement FWB who obeys the FWB rules - no emo!"
> RD is a man on a mission!


You are your own worst enemy sometimes. Your posts are all over the place. You were just saying how you need NOT to have someone in your life after the last girlfriend/fwb debacle, all exasperated, and here you go back again on the merry-go-round. 
Methinks you enjoy a bit of drama.

Either way, use condoms.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Since I'm all about sharing the links lately...
> 
> 20 Ways To Recognize A Good Partner


That is a good list.


----------



## RandomDude

I already had a break for a month.
Besides, the sooner I get started, the sooner I can get everything back to normal weekday routine; eat, work, ram, sleep.

It took me months to end up in a decent FWB arrangement last year. After all, procrastinating everything ended up in all this sh-t as well btw. If I start now I may establish a good FWB arrangement within the next 2-3 months.

As for not wanting a relationship - of course not. The only thing I regret with FWB is getting involved in a relationship with her. I have more reason now to stay away from relationships, but to me, it's just another life lesson to make sure I stay FWB all the way from now on. Besides I've had plenty of experience now setting them up and maintaining them, just takes time.

Besides, dry spell is just no fun.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I already had a break for a month.
> Besides, the sooner I get started, the sooner I can get everything back to normal weekday routine; eat, work, ram, sleep.
> 
> It took me months to end up in a decent FWB arrangement last year. After all, procrastinating everything ended up in all this sh-t as well btw. If I start now I may establish a good FWB arrangement within the next 2-3 months.
> 
> As for not wanting a relationship - of course not. The only thing I regret with FWB is getting involved in a relationship with her. I have more reason now to stay away from relationships, but to me, it's just another life lesson to make sure I stay FWB all the way from now on. Besides I've had plenty of experience now setting them up and maintaining them, just takes time.
> 
> Besides, dry spell is just no fun.


No, RD, getting back into that routine is the exact opposite of what you need. You need to stay away from dating, you need to stay away from ramming. Focusing on all of that is distracting from the real problem, which is YOU (said with only kindness and affection). Bro, you have issues that you need to work on, and they take work and focus. 

All the energy devoted to dating and ramming is detracting from the real work that you need to be doing, and that is working on yourself. Honestly, all the time spent on x-GF/FWB was very detrimental to your emotional progress and healing. You would be in a much better place if you hadn't been messing around with her for such a long time.

You're on a hamster cage wheel, and you're going to stay in that wheel if you keep up this way, and nothing is ever going to change for you. If you want things to be different, it's not going to be solved by finding a different woman. You need to change yourself and make different, better choices with that end goal in mind.



> Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
> 
> --Albert Einstein


ETA: And you need more than a month, RD. That's not even close to being enough time. You need to finalize your divorce, and then wait at least 6 months. You need that time to get your head straight.

You're not a sex machine. That's not who you are. Figure out who you are without sex in the equation.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Since I'm all about sharing the links lately...
> 
> 20 Ways To Recognize A Good Partner


Really great list and expectations are realistic. I pretty much do all of that  and railroad guy (new guy) does many of them.



RandomDude said:


> I already had a break for a month.
> Besides, the sooner I get started, the sooner I can get everything back to normal weekday routine; eat, work, ram, sleep.
> 
> It took me months to end up in a decent FWB arrangement last year. After all, procrastinating everything ended up in all this sh-t as well btw. If I start now I may establish a good FWB arrangement within the next 2-3 months.
> 
> As for not wanting a relationship - of course not. The only thing I regret with FWB is getting involved in a relationship with her. I have more reason now to stay away from relationships, but to me, it's just another life lesson to make sure I stay FWB all the way from now on. Besides I've had plenty of experience now setting them up and maintaining them, just takes time.
> 
> Besides, dry spell is just no fun.


RD!!!! You sound just like me....


I woke up today thinking of the Navy guy and how we havent communicated in over a month! I do wish he would text again...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> All those other things that she said about him... charming, smart, a gentleman? Non-physical characteristics a woman deems attractive, combined with good old pheromones, can create a lot of chemistry for a woman.
> 
> There are a lot of women out there who are perfectly happy to date a conventionally unattractive man, if he possesses the other qualities she seeks in a mate, and can feel a lot of chemistry with such a man. His personality turns her on more than his looks. And if she falls for him, he will become physically attractive to her.
> 
> I've dated men who were very attractive physically, and I've dated men who were much less so. But in all cases, what attracted me to them initially was their personality. The handsome ones were nice to look at, sure, but that wasn't what I really cared about. It was about the person. It didn't matter to me how hot they were, if they were a jerk or didn't have the good personality, they weren't getting anywhere near my bed.
> 
> Many women understand the fleeting existence of beauty, and therefore place less investment in that, I think, in large part because our society/culture is constantly perpetuating the falsehood that a woman is only as valuable as her looks. Entire industries are built on this. Somewhere inside, some women know this isn't true, and so refuse to apply the same standard to men.


I get what you're saying (I think). I agree that other qualities affect a persons attractiveness. For me a girl that makes me laugh instantly becomes more attractive. 

Still, maybe it's just this way for guys though, or maybe just with me, I don't think I could truly have "chemistry" with a physically ugly person.. Maybe I'm just being shallow. Am I?


----------



## ne9907

TheGoodGuy said:


> I get what you're saying (I think). I agree that other qualities affect a persons attractiveness. For me a girl that makes me laugh instantly becomes more attractive.
> 
> Still, maybe it's just this way for guys though, or maybe just with me, I don't think I could truly have "chemistry" with a physically ugly person.. Maybe I'm just being shallow. Am I?


You are not being shallow. I am the same way


----------



## Ikaika

Folk, the ultimate Pi day is just three days and counting, 9:26am this Saturday.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

And I'm not saying I'll only date 9s and 10s. I probably couldn't pull that number anyway. I'm just saying a 5 or 6 in my eyes becomes an 8 based on those other qualities after I get to know them. And that I generally don't go after the 1s and 2s of the world, even if their personalities raise them to a 3 or 4. 

OK now I sound like a player. And I hate players.


----------



## Jellybeans

You'sa a playa!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Jellybeans said:


> You'sa a playa!


Shush.


----------



## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> Since I'm all about sharing the links lately...
> 
> 20 Ways To Recognize A Good Partner


I really like the list but disagree with number one. I believe still that the past is best indication of future. So I don't think you should constantly remind the other person about the mistake it would also be wise to not pretend that it never happend.


----------



## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> I really like the list but disagree with number one. I believe still that the past is best indication of future. So I don't think you should constantly remind the other person about the mistake it would also be wise to not pretend that it never happend.


The past is a good indicator of the future if that particular thing is habitual. But to err is human. We all make mistakes. If it's a one-off thing, then it's best to let it go.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If we were all judged by our past transgressions the way you imply, then we would all be homeless and covered in bruises.


----------



## Lifescript

I think is problem bklyn is not attracted to her guy physically. What happened when a better looking guy with similar personality comes along? 

RD, 

I agree with the others. Conscious or subconsciously you are running from the problem. I remember when I separated all I would talk about was finding someone else. I was terrified of being alone. The time along has forced me to look within and fix some issues. But u agree dry spells suck big time!! 

The more I think about it the more I like the idea of having someone in the future but with minimal attachments like marriage, houses, etc. I'd like to be with someone and have fun, happiness without all the entanglements and complications. But I want more kids. So it's a contradiction.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I think is problem bklyn is not attracted to her guy physically. What happened when a better looking guy with similar personality comes along?
> 
> RD,
> 
> I agree with the others. Conscious or subconsciously you are running from the problem. I remember when I separated all I would talk about was finding someone else. I was terrified of being alone. The time along has forced me to look within and fix some issues. But u agree dry spells suck big time!!
> 
> *The more I think about it the more I like the idea of having someone in the future but with minimal attachments like marriage, houses, etc. I'd like to be with someone and have fun, happiness without all the entanglements and complications. But I want more kids. So it's a contradiction.*


You may find that what you want changes over time, as you put more distance between yourself and your failed marriage. When I was separated, and immediately after my divorce, I felt the same way (wanting someone with minimal attachments). For a long time, I said no way in hell would I ever get married again. But as time passed, my opinion has evolved. I want to get married again someday (to the right person), but I'm in no rush for immediate attachment, and I'm perfectly happy to stay single, too... which I think is a pretty good place to be 

I think a big part of that transition from "no way in hell" to "this is something I want for my life" is due to making strides in re-discovering myself as an individual again. My first marriage swallowed me up, and I had lost all sense of who I was as an individual; the idea of getting married again threatened the renewed sense of self that I was discovering after my XH moved out. But over time, as I learn and grow, I become less protective of my independence, because 1) a good partner won't threaten my independence, and 2) I'm getting getter at knowing how to maintain my individuality in the context of a relationship.

It feels like a contradiction to you right now, but you'll sort all that out eventually


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lifescript said:


> What happened when a better looking guy with similar personality comes along?


Exactly....


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> I think is problem bklyn is not attracted to her guy physically. What happened when a better looking guy with similar personality comes along?


He is not ugly. Just not traditionally handsome. Not my usual type. His body is fine. His face is just average. He has so many other great factors to him. I am not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Im not desperate to be in a relationship. I am just seeing where this goes. 

If someone who has both comes along, it will depend on timing. If I am committed to someone, it will go nowhere. If I have been dating this guy a long time maybe our relationship will be close enough it wont matter. Or maybe it will. Im just taking one day at a time.

Im seeing him tonight and tomorrow night. I enjoy his company. That is enough for now.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

bkyln309 said:


> He is not ugly. Just not traditionally handsome. Not my usual type. His body is fine. His face is just average. He has so many other great factors to him. I am not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Im not desperate to be in a relationship. I am just seeing where this goes.
> 
> If someone who has both comes along, it will depend on timing. If I am committed to someone, it will go nowhere. If I have been dating this guy a long time maybe our relationship will be close enough it wont matter. Or maybe it will. Im just taking one day at a time.
> 
> Im seeing him tonight and tomorrow night. I enjoy his company. That is enough for now.


OK that makes more sense. by not attractive you meant "average", not ugly. I was sitting here trying to figure out how to have chemistry with a person I thought was ugly, :rofl:. That would be difficult (for me)


----------



## Lifescript

I see your point FIP. 

I hope whoever I meet doesn't want marriage because I know for sure I won't get married again. Sorry but just won't do it. 

Now it makes sense bklyn. Average can work. Butt ugly cant. Enjoy and take it one day at a time.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> OK that makes more sense. by not attractive you meant "average", not ugly. I was sitting here trying to figure out how to have chemistry with a person I thought was ugly, :rofl:. That would be difficult (for me)


I read somewhere (forever ago, so no link to share!) that people tend to gravitate towards others (potential partners) whom they (subconsciously) deem as their equal, in terms of attractiveness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

^To add to that...

As the idea goes, "gravitate" isn't necessarily by willful, desired choice. The gravitation occurs as a result of the "more attractive" having "more attractive" options, and the tendency of those who perceive themselves as "less attractive" to self-reject, or avoid pursuing the "more attractive" partner for fear of explicit rejection.

So like tends to end up with like.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> I hope whoever I meet doesn't want marriage because I know for sure I won't get married again. Sorry but just won't do it.


That's one of the most confusing statements I've seen you write in a while. The one you end up with will be okay with not being married and there would be no reason to apologize for feeling the way you do.

As it was said, things over time do change and as you move on in life, I have no doubts certain aspects of yourself will change. Your outlook, your wants and so forth.

It's inevitable.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> The more I think about it the more I like the idea of having someone in the future but with minimal attachments like marriage, houses, etc. I'd like to be with someone and have fun, happiness without all the entanglements and complications.


I am years out from my separation/divorce and feel the same way. Marriage is not something I think I want to ever do again.

Lifescript, wanna not get married with me? LOL.

Ne9907's avatar, while not new, always makes me laugh. I love it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> RD why don't you just stay away from women for awhile, even if it's just ramming


Quoted. For. Truth.


----------



## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> The past is a good indicator of the future if that particular thing is habitual. But to err is human. We all make mistakes. If it's a one-off thing, then it's best to let it go.
> 
> People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. If we were all judged by our past transgressions the way you imply, then we would all be homeless and covered in bruises.


I don't agree cause all transgressions aren't equal. For example I lied about something at a job once to keep myself out of trouble. I felt bad about it and didn't do it again. I was never caught but still didn't sit right with me. But I don't consider that on the same level as someone who robs a liquor store.

Besides mistakes are one thing, we all make. Purposely doing wrong is a complete other and can show low character. So I do think the past is very relevant and should be paid attention too but not necessarily held against a person if you are continuing a relationship with them


----------



## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't agree cause all transgressions aren't equal. For example I lied about something at a job once to keep myself out of trouble. I felt bad about it and didn't do it again. I was never caught but still didn't sit right with me. But I don't consider that on the same level as someone who robs a liquor store.
> 
> Besides mistakes are one thing, we all make. Purposely doing wrong is a complete other and can show low character. So I do think the past is very relevant and should be paid attention too but not necessarily held against a person if you are continuing a relationship with them


That's exactly what I meant by a one-off thing, versus habitual (characteristic) behavior


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> That's one of the most confusing statements I've seen you write in a while. The one you end up with will be okay with not being married and there would be no reason to apologize for feeling the way you do.
> 
> As it was said, things over time do change and as you move on in life, I have no doubts certain aspects of yourself will change. Your outlook, your wants and so forth.
> 
> It's inevitable.


I say that because marriage is still desired for some people. I'm thinking younger (blind) ones. Those who haven't had their hearts broken yet. It would be a shame to meet someone special who wants marriage and have to break up. I won't get married again. I'll be upfront about it when and if I get serious if someone. 

I know I'm thinking way ahead ... something I do often. Lol


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I say that because marriage is still desired for some people. I'm thinking younger (blind) ones. Those who haven't had their hearts broken yet. It would be a shame to meet someone special who wants marriage and have to break up. I won't get married again. I'll be upfront about it when and if I get serious if someone.
> 
> I know I'm thinking way ahead ... something I do often. Lol


If I didn't know it wasn't intended as such, I might take offense. And I am neither young nor blind. I've had my heart broken enough before, but I still believe that a healthy marriage is in the realm of possibility, and something I would like to have.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> I say that because marriage is still desired for some people. I'm thinking younger (blind) ones. Those who haven't had their hearts broken yet. It would be a shame to meet someone special who wants marriage and have to break up. I won't get married again. I'll be upfront about it when and if I get serious if someone.
> 
> I know I'm thinking way ahead ... something I do often. Lol


It's also a shame to meet someone and then they decide they're not ready for a relationship. So many possible deal breakers.



FeministInPink said:


> If I didn't know it wasn't intended as such, I might take offense. And I am neither young nor blind. I've had my heart broken enough before, but I still believe that a healthy marriage is in the realm of possibility, and something I would like to have.


I'm right there with you. I'd like to get married again down the road, to the right person though. While nothing is guaranteed, I refuse to let the past (especially when I played a part in it) completely taint the future.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> If I didn't know it wasn't intended as such, I might take offense. And I am neither young nor blind. I've had my heart broken enough before, but I still believe that a healthy marriage is in the realm of possibility, and something I would like to have.


my post was kind of harsh. No offense intended though. I don't know. I'm just feeling extremely blah about marriage right now. But like you said earlier things changed and with time I may see marriage as a possibility again. 

I was thinking about my marriage and truth is we kind of got married because that's what was expected of us. Her family wasn't open to us just living together without the big wedding and all that.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> It's also a shame to meet someone and then they decide they're not ready for a relationship. So many possible deal breakers.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm right there with you. I'd like to get married again down the road, to the right person though. While nothing is guaranteed, I refuse to let the past (especially when I played a part in it) completely taint the future.


Accepting responsibility is key. I know I played a huge role in the demise of my marriage. While I didn't do the cheating, my behavior lent itself to it. Didn't set boundaries right or let consequences take its course. 

I don't know ... I'd like to have a meaningful deep loving relationship with someone. But at the moment I don't see why marriage is necessary. Guess I don't see the benefits right now.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> my post was kind of harsh. No offense intended though. I don't know. I'm just feeling extremely blah about marriage right now. But like you said earlier things changed and with time I may see marriage as a possibility again.
> 
> I was thinking about my marriage and truth is we kind of got married because that's what was expected of us. Her family wasn't open to us just living together without the big wedding and all that.


No offense taken, so no worries 

You're clearly still working your sh!t out. No shame in that. Just avoid any "never" statements until you're all the way through. It's a tumultuous ride, and you may be surprised by what you discover about yourself on the journey.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

If I am looking forward to a relationship in the future, then I may heed you guys' advice in terms of staying away from ramming. However, I'm not, there's even guilt and experience now to ensure I can remind myself to stay away from relationships for the rest of my life. My issues can't be fixed, it can be managed but all it takes is a few triggers and boom.

Casual sex also helps numb me from the desire anyway. Now with guilt over the broken hearts behind me and reflection of what type of person I am, the voices are silent. I don't feel the desire anymore, especially since the last heart I broke, and how it was broken.

Thanks though guys, I know you mean well... but, I'm going to settle to being a meat on a stick. Only have like, 20-30 yrs left before I start needing viagra anyway, and by then my sex drive would be depleted completely. Looking forward to my daughter growing up, but either than that, meh. When it comes to my future, no marriage, no relationships, no flings, no romance, only sex with no strings attached from now on.



ne9907 said:


> RD!!!! You sound just like me....
> I woke up today thinking of the Navy guy and how we havent communicated in over a month! I do wish he would text again...


Almost... 

I stay away from emo stuff, well, most of the time. FWB/ex-GF doesn't count - tis the holiday's fault!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hey RD... The holidays were 3 months ago.

And I hate to say this, but you're setting a wonderful example for your daughter. She will internalize your view on relationships, and how you handle them, and conduct her own relationships in a similar manner.


----------



## RandomDude

I trust to be able to handle that when the time comes, if it comes at all considering no woman to this day that I dated since seperation has met my daughter.

Besides who gets into a relationship for the sake of "setting a good example for their kid" anyway?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Actions have consequences. Positive or negative, they're still consequences. Whether what we do is done with the intent of setting an example or not, it happens anyway. 

Children are much more aware and perceptive than a lot of people, including parents, want to believe. You would be shocked and amazed at what your daughter has picked up from your relationship habits, despite having never met one of your dates.

I'm just speaking my peace. This isn't intended as an attack, please don't take it as such.


----------



## RandomDude

I treat my casual sex partners with more respect then alot of men even treat their wives/girlfriends, I don't lead them on or be dishonest with them, if I was that type of person I wouldn't have let ex-GF go, and would have started using her like many men I know. I also still look at relationships fondly - for some other people, just not for me and others in the same boat.

My daughter will be capable of learning from both good and bad examples in her life. Whether I'm the former or the latter it doesn't matter, she has enough on her plate as she watches how dad treats mum as long as my relations with ex remains civil, and that's as good as an example as it can get - even though its in a broken home.

I have no worries about her in that department.


----------



## Jellybeans

Lifescript said:


> I won't get married again. I'll be upfront about it when and if I get serious if someone.


This is the best way to do it. 



06Daddio08 said:


> While nothing is guaranteed, I refuse to let the past (especially when I played a part in it) completely taint the future.


Yeah but I don't really see not want to get married again as a "taint." It's a choice some people make. It doesn't make it a "tainted" thing. 



Lifescript said:


> I don't know ... I'd like to have a meaningful deep loving relationship with someone. But at the moment I don't see why marriage is necessary. Guess I don't see the benefits right now.


I agree.



FeministInPink said:


> Just avoid any "never" statements until you're all the way through.


I agree that life changes and you can't really know how it will shake out, but some people truly do not every want to get married again after a divorce (or even at all). It's like people who actively choose to be childfree. When they say they "never" want children, they mean it and they never have them. My uncle divorced in his 20s or 30s and said he would never marry again. He never did. He said he realized it was not something he wanted. He has had relationships with women since but knew that for himself it just wasn't something he would do again and hasn't to this day. He's nearly 80 now. 

Some people do go on to remarry; some don't. And I don't see it as past controlling future; it's perhaps realizing what does and does not work for someone or fit to what they like and how they want to live their life. I have a cousin who has been married 4x and says if it doesn't work out with this one she will do it again because she "loves being married." We all are so different. Lol.

Also, nice to see you, FIP.


----------



## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> That's exactly what I meant by a one-off thing, versus habitual (characteristic) behavior


 Ahh. Didn't know that's what you meant by habitual. Very good and I agree :smthumbup:

I guess all I was speaking of was habitual and not honest mistakes cause we call do make those. It's more the wrong choices you have to watch out for


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

I won't get married again, but not because I hated being married. I don't feel like marriage is anything but another word on top of what already exists when you decide to marry someone: a committed relationship. People try to be together, but may change or not work out after some period of time... exactly like a marriage.

I don't see what marriage actually changes other than perception. It's entirely ceremonial imo.


----------



## vi_bride04

Marriage would just equal another financial blow if it ended in divorce. 

It's alot easier legally to just end a long term relationship than try to end a marriage. 

Well that's why I don't want to get married again.


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Marriage would just equal another financial blow if it ended in divorce.
> 
> It's alot easier legally to just end a long term relationship than try to end a marriage.
> 
> Well that's why I don't want to get married again.


Around here, if you live together for a certain amount of time it really doesn't matter if you're married or not. Assets get divided.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah but I don't really see not want to get married again as a "taint." It's a choice some people make. It doesn't make it a "tainted" thing.


It's a "to each their own" situation, like many things. If I meet someone who never wants to get married again, that might just turn me off. Then again, who really knows. Something to consider when the time comes.


----------



## vi_bride04

06Daddio08 said:


> Around here, if you live together for a certain amount of time it really doesn't matter if you're married or not. Assets get divided.


Ahhhhhh, yeah might as well get married then. 

But then again, is the process as long as a divorce? That seems to take forever there.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> I don't know ... I'd like to have a meaningful deep loving relationship with someone. But at the moment I don't see why marriage is necessary. Guess I don't see the benefits right now.


That's within your right, clearly. From what you've told us, there really hasn't been much of a dating 'life' as of yet for you. I've gone on 10 first dates in just over a year and one short lived relationship. Each one has helped me figure out what I'm looking for and what I feel I should be working on.

No doubt once you get into a better situation to put yourself out there, you'll start molding your outlook a little better. Regardless of where you land.


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Ahhhhhh, yeah might as well get married then.
> 
> But then again, is the process as long as a divorce? That seems to take forever there.


From what I know, pretty much all of North America is No Fault. A few States aren't and those are the ones where if you can 'catch' a person cheating, the divorce is handed rather quickly.

In most cases (from my knowledge), it's usually a year wait. I'm going to take a stab at it and guess that a long term relationship that's common-law would also require that year.

Courts don't like being clogged up, that year 'breather' gives a lot of relationships time to figure their **** out.


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> Marriage would just equal another financial blow if it ended in divorce.
> 
> It's alot easier legally to just end a long term relationship than try to end a marriage.
> 
> Well that's why I don't want to get married again.


Tell me about it.


----------



## moxy

Hmm. Unexpectedly, I now have a coffee date sometime this week with the artist I was talking to, who happens to intrigue me more and more by the minute. I don't want to get my hopes up or read too much into it. We don't know much about each other yet, and I don't know if we will like each other or feel any connection in person. He did tell me he thought I was beautiful (flattery totally works on me! Because The subtle cues just don't register on my radar). But, photos of people and the 3-D people themselves are not the same thing. And, I find his personality very interesting -- he's mysterious. I usually like to talk more on the phone or something first, but talking in person may be better. Hmm. More when I have more to share.


----------



## moxy

I don't know if I will marry again. I'm not closed to the possibility of it, with the right person and under the right circumstances. At the same time, I'm not longing for it, either. I like my life, as it is -- though I'd like it more if I had occasional romantic companionship, but I'm not thinking beyond that. I don't want to owe my time to anyone or spend my priorities taking care of a partner at the expense of myself. I don't really think it is likely that I will meet someone who would be a compatible life-long partner for me, or for whom I would be such a person, but I don't want to think it is impossible. It's easier to think of a possible boyfriend. I have to say that I am even more skeptical of marriage, now that mine has failed, but I think I have a more realistic understanding of boundaries in relationships, which must surely be a good thing.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> I don't know if I will marry again. I'm not closed to the possibility of it, with the right person and under the right circumstances.


And definitely not without a solid prenup.:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Well... that was a lame date, no chance of FWB with this one. Next. 1 down, 49+ more to go probably till I find FWB material. May have to join a meetup group again. Maybe 2-3 months is too hopeful, will give it 4-6 months to find/establish a stable sex exchange.

Such an idiot to get emotions involved with ex-GF/FWB, really feeling the regret now along with the guilt.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RD, I'm confused about why you refer to her as "ex-GF/FWB."

By definition, a GF (or ex, as the case may be), BF, etc, doesn't qualify as a FWB relationship for many reasons. The obvious being that there _are_ strings attached.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> RD, I'm confused about why you refer to her as "ex-GF/FWB."
> 
> By definition, a GF (or ex, as the case may be), BF, etc, doesn't qualify as a FWB relationship for many reasons. The obvious being that there _are_ strings attached.


They were FWBs for about a year before she became his GF, which was about 2 months ago. So, technically, she's ex-both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Got it. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

I retract my previous post.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Got it. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
> 
> I retract my previous post.


Well, there are a lot of new TAMers on the thread... it beared clarification for more than just you 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Don't try to soften it now. Let me just put on my dunce cap and sit over here in my corner.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, don't sulk now... you're much more fun when you're being a smartass


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm not sulking. It's my dysphoria. :FIREdevil:


----------



## FeministInPink

Ha ha ha 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> They were FWBs for about a year before she became his GF, which was about 2 months ago. So, technically, she's ex-both.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wish she isn't an ex of anything, I don't like being in this sh-t 
But, emo explosion I guess. Meh...

The lessons where you get burnt are the lessons you learn the most from. Quite frankly, I felt like I was at the crossroads with the whole "find another FWB or prepare for a GF" thing...

I choose FWB. But if I start singing "I want lovey doveys" again -> I'm sure you guys will be the first to know and whack me over the head with "I told you so's"


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Wish she isn't an ex of anything, I don't like being in this sh-t
> But, emo explosion I guess. Meh...
> 
> The lessons where you get burnt are the lessons you learn the most from. Quite frankly, I felt like I was at the crossroads with the whole "find another FWB or prepare for a GF" thing...
> 
> I choose FWB. But if I start singing "I want lovey doveys" again -> I'm sure you guys will be the first to know and whack me over the head with "I told you so's"


I think you should be whacked over the head for not staying away from women.


----------



## ne9907

Last night I had a date with new guy. I finally told him some things about my marriage. I silently cried in front of him. He wiped away my tears. I disliked that I cried in front of him. I liked his actions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## toolforgrowth

I'm never getting married again. BTDT. But I'd never view someone who chooses to get married negatively, it's a personal choice either way.

My GF is moving in with me this summer, but we've both agreed that we just want to cohabitate instead of marry. So from a tax return perspective, I'll always be "single", but in practice, not so much.


----------



## vi_bride04

Going to an Irish festival to see some Celtic bands that usually play at RenFest. My friends and I are dressing up in our garb for the event! 

Raven Song is the name of the main band, here they are playing for the queen  RavenSong ~ Ashokan Farewell ~ Michigan Renaissan…: http://youtu.be/SprwMqKDEMY


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> I think you should be whacked over the head for not staying away from women.


But but... they be fluttering their eyelashes at me, I'm only an opportunist  hehe


----------



## Lone Shadow

randomdude said:


> but but... They be fluttering their eyelashes at me, i'm only an opportunist  hehe


_***WHACK!!!***_

eta: Forum code doesn't let you type something in all caps without anything else. Here's the something else.


----------



## Lone Shadow

So I've been doing some reflection and self study stuff and I've stumbled across something. I think my soft spot for redheads isn't so much redheads. I think it's actually a weakness for pale skin and pretty eyes. 

Anyone know an albino?


----------



## FeministInPink

Speaking of a soft spot for redheads, something happened tonight and I'm not sure if I handled it the right way.

I went with some friends tonight to hear a Rolling Stones cover band that were playing at a bar in Virginia. Right before we left, I headed for the bathroom. On my way there, walking through the bar, a guy stopped me and said that he liked my hair color... and continued to say that he had a thing for pretty redheads. I recognized him, but couldn't place him. The woman he was with, who I had talked to in the bathroom earlier in the evening laughed and said, oh, stop, but she was laughing. She asked me a follow up question about what we had talked about earlier, we exchanged pleasantries, and I continued on my way.

While I was in the bathroom, I realized where I recognized him from. Not quite two months ago, I was with the same friends at a different bar, to see a Beatles cover band. After that show was over, that guy had approached me at the bar and started talking to me, using the same lines, saying he liked my hair and that he had a thing for pretty redheads... and he asked me out. I had just started seeing someone at that point, so I told him that I was seeing someone, and that I wasn't available. His response to that was something along the lines of, I have someone at home, too... they don't have to know. I shut down the conversation right there, because I wasn't having any of that.

So, back to tonight... the woman comes into the bathroom. I've finished up, just washing my hands. I say, do you know that guy, or did you just meet him tonight? Because I'm thinking, if he's macking on her, I'm going to tell her what the deal is. And she says, he's my significant other... we've been together for six years.

I must have got this look on my face (I'm like that, I can't hide anything, I've long given up on trying to mask my feelings or whatever), because she says, what? And I think, well, if it was me, I would want to know. So I say, I don't know if I should tell you this, but he hit on me a couple weeks ago at another bar.

And she said, thanks for telling me. I'll take care of it.

I left the bathroom, and I went back to my friends, and I said, I think we should get out of here now, because I don't want to see what happens when she comes out of the bathroom.

And that was that. I'm thinking that this has happened before, and that I'm not the first...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> So I've been doing some reflection and self study stuff and I've stumbled across something. I think my soft spot for redheads isn't so much redheads. I think it's actually a weakness for pale skin and pretty eyes.
> 
> Anyone know an albino?


_***WHACK!!!***_

You also need to stay away from women for a while, even the albinos.


----------



## RandomDude

We can only try, but when women are unable to stay away from us... hehe 

Tis not our fault! Besides albinos need love too!


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> _***WHACK!!!***_
> 
> You also need to stay away from women for a while, even the albinos.


Even the albinos? That's just... cruel. Do you know how hard it is to find an albino? 

RD's right on that one. I'm doing the best I can to stay away from women for now. Although, with my time constraints, it really doesn't take any effort on my part. That said, when I do go out, I get hit on so much I'm starting to bruise.:smthumbup::rofl:

Ladies, please, I'm so much more than just a piece of meat.


----------



## FeministInPink

Trying to make us ladies jealous, Lone Shadow?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Not at all. Just maybe seeking a little sympathy for my bruises.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, pobrecito... such a burden to bear, being such catnip for the ladies... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

It's truly a terrible burden I bear. But somebody has to do it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> Ladies, please, I'm so much more than just a piece of meat.


No guy is more than a just a piece of meat  that's all they good for is for their meat sticks


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> No guy is more than a just a piece of meat  that's all they good for is for their meat sticks


For shame!:rofl:

Reading posts on this forum tells a different story. You don't just want a meat stick, you want that meat stick to be an emotional tampon. There are a lot of women on this forum that complain about emotionally unavailable men. 

If all you wanted was a meat stick, how come my emotional unavailability is such a problem?:scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> For shame!:rofl:
> 
> Reading posts on this forum tells a different story. You don't just want a meat stick, you want that meat stick to be an emotional tampon. There are a lot of women on this forum that complain about emotionally unavailable men.
> 
> If all you wanted was a meat stick, how come my emotional unavailability is such a problem?:scratchhead:


I'm thinking I probably shouldn't touch this one with a 10-foot pole, but oh, well... I know you meant your post in jest, but...

I think wanting a man to be an emotional tampon is perhaps a little bit of hyperbole? But women do want someone who can be a partner, and who's going to be there for them when things get tough. Women want to be seen, heard, and understood. A man who will love them, and who can accept their love. A man who is emotionally strong, and who can stand up to our bullsh!t (because we do that sometimes) and also stand up for us, when we can't do it ourselves (because sometimes we need that, too). Someone who is emotionally unavailable isn't ready to do that, isn't ready to be that vulnerable with another person. It takes a strong person to be vulnerable.

OK, maybe that's just what *I* want, but i think it's pretty universal.

Your emotional unavailability wouldn't be a problem if all you wanted in a woman was a... ahem... sperm receptacle. You recognize that you're not meat on a stick, and that a woman isn't just a masturbatory aid.

It's not a permanent state of being. It's temporary, like so many other things in life. You'll come out on the other side, eventually.


----------



## Lone Shadow

But I like my _masturbatory aids_ to have a pulse, and wiggle around a bit. Otherwise it's just not as enjoyable.

As for the seen and heard... You mean they're not like children, seen but not heard? Well damn, maybe that's where I've been going wrong.

And _** channeling Creepy Stalker Guy™ **_ Duct tape has been turning "No No No" into "mm mm mm" since 1942!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Sometimes I stop and think to myself... Self, why is that Frisbee getting bigger...?

And then it hits me...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> But I like my _masturbatory aids_ to have a pulse, and wiggle around a bit. Otherwise it's just not as enjoyable.
> 
> As for the seen and heard... You mean they're not like children, seen but not heard? Well damn, maybe that's where I've been going wrong.
> 
> And _** channeling Creepy Stalker Guy™ **_ Duct tape has been turning "No No No" into "mm mm mm" since 1942!




^^^ FiP, rolling her eyes at Lone Shadow.


----------



## Lone Shadow

The power of 3 overwhelms you!


Now, points if you can tell me what movie I'm bastardizing.


----------



## Lone Shadow

mmmm.. With some fava beans and a nice chianti.


----------



## FeministInPink

What, you think I need an Exorcism?

Or are you comparing yourself to Hannibal Lector?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Both. But being that women are evil incarnate anyway, I don't think the exorcism will do any good.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> For shame!:rofl:
> 
> Reading posts on this forum tells a different story. You don't just want a meat stick, you want that meat stick to be an emotional tampon. There are a lot of women on this forum that complain about emotionally unavailable men.


I'm not one of those, I'm not looking for anything emotional. Only meat sticks..... Mmmmm meat


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Both. But being that women are evil incarnate anyway, I don't think the exorcism will do any good.




You've exceeded your sexism quota for the day, LS...


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well I'm sorry VI, but I have too much self respect to allow myself to be used as a masturbatory aid*.

*Thanks FiP


----------



## Lone Shadow

Nonsense! I have not yet begun to defile myself.


Besides, I've been saving them up for a few weeks.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Nonsense! I have not yet begun to defile myself.
> 
> 
> Besides, I've been saving them up for a few weeks.


They're not like rollover minutes. You don't get to stockpile them!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm afraid I've stumbled into an ambush. FiP and VI are about to gang up on me. 

Sorta like that time I went drinking with Bill Cosby... I.. don't remember much about that night.


----------



## FeministInPink

An ambush has to be planned in advance. You set yourself up, friend


----------



## Lone Shadow

Open mouth wider, insert other foot. Got it.


----------



## moxy

I had a foot-in-mouth moment today, too.

Now, I can't sleep, even though I'm exhausted and have a headache. 

I really need to get back to the gym, soon.


----------



## RandomDude

Found this, thought it was pleasing, might print it out and frame it.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I had a foot-in-mouth moment today, too.
> 
> Now, I can't sleep, even though I'm exhausted and have a headache.
> 
> I really need to get back to the gym, soon.


Happens to the best of us, moxy. A had a foot-in-mouth moment myself, last night.

But the people that matter, and who care about us, can be very forgiving. They recognize that we're all just muddling through


----------



## Jellybeans

Told dude I'm seeing that I needed a breather and he took it really bad. I feel awful because I know he means well/treats me wel but I really am not into the fact the still lives at parents' home in almost mid-thirties and that he has waiting table jobs. He told me initially that he was going to move out in two months, that time came and went and he had some financial set backs so it keeps getting pushed. He said he was gonna look into job sitch/grad school but that hasnt happened quite yet either. I know these tings don't happen over night but I'd like to experience him in his own space, not just my home/our outings, because I want to know that part of him and can't when he's living at home. He sent me a million texts after it happened from everything from apologizing to getting angry to being sulky to saying my excuse for wanting a breather was "bullsh*t" and to 'stfu' about saing I wanted a breather when I really just don't want to be wtih him; and that $ doesn't buy happiness. I am not after his wallet so that hurt me. I was married to a man who made +++ $$$ and I left him because we weren't good partners. I am not materialistic. I do, however, want to be with someone who is financially independent and more self-actualized. I feel horrible today. He is a good guy I just wish we were more on the same page about life that way. I just feel really ick today.


----------



## FeministInPink

JB, his reaction says a LOT about him. This was probably a good move. People don't change (unless they want to); he seems immature, and that is unlikely to change.

You've given him several months to start planning and executing changes... and after what, 3 years at his parents place? He should have his finances in order by now. Someone who says they want to do something, but doesn't take the initiative to actually move forward in that plan or make any forward movement in the time that you know them... that person will probably never actually do it. That's the way it is--it's a lot easier to NOT do something, than it is to DO something.

Hmm... I should be taking my own advice right now. I need to go work on some sh!t. 

Don't worry about it, JB... you're making space in your life for something better.


----------



## Deejo

I'm several thousand posts behind on this thread.

I'm just happy you had the sex. 

Know nothing about your boyfriend. But based on that post, indeed sounds like you have a boy-friend, not a man and partner material.

The fact that he got all b!tchy on you, speaks volumes.

Men don't do that Jelly.

Keep looking for a man who will be a partner. 

Doesn't mean you can't have fun with the boys, while you do it.


----------



## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> I'm several thousand posts behind on this thread.
> 
> *I'm just happy you had the sex. *


:rofl: This post gave me life and made me laugh. :rofl: Oh you would be very proud of me, Deejo. I finally got laid after a hundred years of a dry spell. And I have had a LOT of the sex since then. There is an extra bounce in my step these days. :smthumbup:



Deejo said:


> Keep looking for a man who will be a partner.


The search continues!



FeministInPink said:


> JB, his reaction says a LOT about him. This was probably a good move. People don't change (unless they want to); he seems immature, and that is unlikely to change.


Yeah his reaction threw me. He always has been so chill before and he said anyone would have reacted the way he did. Idk if it's cause I've been divorced now and TAM professional at knowing how to take rejection but when someone tells you they need space, you respect that. He inundated me with texts afterward and it made me feel horrible. It sucks cause he's a great guy, in how he treated me, but I just wish he had more financial independence.



FeministInPink said:


> Don't worry about it, JB... you're making space in your life for something better.


I like this. Thanks.

Honestly, I don't even want a serious relationship now. With anyone. I just want to find someone who wants to be lovers. No getting serious, no staying over, and maybe the occasional lunch / movie. I literally do not have time for a serious relationship with my schedule. Why is this so fcking hard to find?


----------



## Satya

Jellybeans, I do believe that you dodged a bullet. Way to stick to your boundaries.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah his reaction threw me. He always has been so chill before and he said anyone would have reacted the way he did. Idk if it's cause I've been divorced now and TAM professional at knowing how to take rejection but when someone tells you they need space, you respect that. He inundated me with texts afterward and it made me feel horrible. It sucks cause he's a great guy, in how he treated me, but I just wish he had more financial independence.


Even after everything that I've learned, I still don't know how to be graceful when being dumped. I mean, I _know_ what/how I ought to do/be, but I just don't. It's awful. I'm like a fish out of water  

Now, breaking up with people? I'm really fvcking good at that.



Jellybeans said:


> I like this. Thanks.
> 
> Honestly, I don't even want a serious relationship now. With anyone. I just want to find someone who wants to be lovers. No getting serious, no staying over, and maybe the occasional lunch / movie. I literally do not have time for a serious relationship with my schedule. Why is this so fcking hard to find?


Yeah, you would think it would be easier than all that, wouldn't you? It seems there would be a lot of people in your area that would fit the bill, given crazy work schedules, but... I don't know.

RD says it can take up to 6 mos. to get a good FWB thing going :rofl:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Even after everything that I've learned, I still don't know how to be graceful when being dumped. I mean, I _know_ what/how I ought to do/be, but I just don't. It's awful. I'm like a fish out of water


I am the BEST at my reaction to getting dumped. It might be because I am an Aquarius. Lol. I once had a guy who ended it with me and I told him, "Well I just want you to know that I have had a lot of fun with you and I wish you well." He was completely floored and there was a long pause and said "That was easier than I thought it would be." He thought I was going to cry and harp or something. Then he later reached out to me and I never responded. (Some time had gone by) but honestly we weren't compatible was there was no point, IMO. I can teach you my ways. And the main thing to remember is: the more chill/unemotional/graceful you are about it, the better for you and the more of a mindfck for them.



FeministInPink said:


> Now, breaking up with people? I'm really fvcking good at that.


LOL. You'll have to spit your How to Break Up knowledge with me.



FeministInPink said:


> RD says it can take up to 6 mos. to get a good FWB thing going :rofl:


I am hesitant to take advice from RD (kidding) but have to say I am more and more thinking that what I need is FWB. Or maybe just a guy who communicates AND has a stable job/living space.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> *Even after everything that I've learned, I still don't know how to be graceful when being dumped. I mean, I know what/how I ought to do/be, but I just don't. It's awful. I'm like a fish out of water  *
> 
> Now, breaking up with people? I'm really fvcking good at that.


OMG it makes me feel so much better to read that someone else out there is the same way! I suck at being dumped! I guess I am just too damn stubborn once I get my mind set on something I want!


----------



## Deejo

Never, ever, ask the question; 'Why?'

You aren't going to get an honest answer to that question, and odds are you aren't going to much like it if they ARE truly honest.

"I've met someone hotter."

"You suck in bed."

"You have halitosis."

"I hate your bald spot."

"Your a wishy washy son of a b!tch that can't find his ass with both hands."

I'm big on honor. I ended things with two women who took it very hard. Tore my heart out.

And that tends to be the reason that people either subtly undermine a relationship, just stop calling, or end things really badly. Because they presume you are going to be uncomfortable, and they don't want to be uncomfortable about it.

I'm pretty practical about it.

I appreciate that they have the courage to express what the DON'T want. And the courtesy to cut us both loose to go find what we each do.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Told dude I'm seeing that I needed a breather and he took it really bad. I feel awful because I know he means well/treats me wel but I really am not into the fact the still lives at parents' home in almost mid-thirties and that he has waiting table jobs. He told me initially that he was going to move out in two months, that time came and went and he had some financial set backs so it keeps getting pushed. He said he was gonna look into job sitch/grad school but that hasnt happened quite yet either. I know these tings don't happen over night but I'd like to experience him in his own space, not just my home/our outings, because I want to know that part of him and can't when he's living at home. He sent me a million texts after it happened from everything from apologizing to getting angry to being sulky to saying my excuse for wanting a breather was "bullsh*t" and to 'stfu' about saing I wanted a breather when I really just don't want to be wtih him; and that $ doesn't buy happiness. I am not after his wallet so that hurt me. I was married to a man who made +++ $$$ and I left him because we weren't good partners. I am not materialistic. I do, however, want to be with someone who is financially independent and more self-actualized. I feel horrible today. He is a good guy I just wish we were more on the same page about life that way. I just feel really ick today.



I don't get the living with mom and dad in his 30s. I get that it is hard these days, but that is where his lack of motivation comes from. He wants it all with no sacrifice, comforts of home and you as his squeeze. 

After HS I wanted as much separation between myself and my parents. And it is expensive here. I worked as a waiter and still managed to live on my own (with roommates). So I didn't live the high life, oh wait I did . But, I was determined to find my own way and motivated to move on in life. So you rocked his comfortable world... If he does not grow up from this setback, he is not worth it. He needs to move on. I know you feel bad, it says more about you. He will survive and you will find better. 

Malama pono
Uncle Dre


----------



## Jellybeans

Ikaika said:


> So I didn't live the high life, oh wait I did .


:rofl: Ah. I love it! 

And I agree with all you said. I mean, hello, it's time to do something!


----------



## coffee4me

I can only focus on the part you wrote where he said 'stfu' about needing a breather. I don't know how you can feel bad about dumping anyone who would say that. 

I realize that I'm way older than you and old fashioned but I'm totally intolerant of being spoken to or text in such a manner. 

Sorry you feel ick but good riddance.


----------



## coffee4me

Ikaika said:


> I don't get the living with mom and dad in his 30s. I get that it is hard these days, but that is where his lack of motivation comes from.


For me it's not a big deal for someone to live with their parents. Its a cultural thing. But there's a difference between living with your parents and living off your parents.


----------



## Jellybeans

coffee4me said:


> I can only focus on the part you wrote where he said 'stfu' about needing a breather. I don't know how you can feel bad about dumping anyone who would say that.
> 
> I realize that I'm way older than you and old fashioned but I'm totally intolerant of being spoken to or text in such a manner.
> 
> Sorry you feel ick but good riddance.


Oh I did call him out on this and told him he was being very disrespectful to me and I did not appreciate being spoken to in that manner. He did apologize. It was SO out of left field cause I had never seen him angry or heard him angry.


----------



## vi_bride04

coffee4me said:


> I can only focus on the part you wrote where he said 'stfu' about needing a breather. I don't know how you can feel bad about dumping anyone who would say that.


Exactly!!! That is the part of your story that sticks out to me the most, JB. 

What a disrespectful thing to say, and IMO if he really cared about you he would be more than willing to accept you need space. Seems like slight emotional manipulation on his part. Make you feel guilty for putting up boundaries.

Don't feel bad. He should feel bad for being immature, insecure, and a bully.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> OMG it makes me feel so much better to read that someone else out there is the same way! I suck at being dumped! I guess I am just too damn stubborn once I get my mind set on something I want!


I have never truly been dumped, just received the slow fade from navy guy. He is still texting... just last week I received a text saying that he had just finished the field portion of his SERE training... then I sort of questioned it becasue the last time we spoke he was in SD. As far as I know SERE is not offered in SD. No reply since last thursday. 
That is okay, i am not longer obsessed with him.



Jellybeans said:


> *I am the BEST at my reaction to getting dumped. It might be because I am an Aquarius. Lol. I once had a guy who ended it with me and I told me "Well I just want you to know that I have had a lot of fun with you and I wish you well."* He was completely floored and there was a long pause and said "That was easier than I thought it would be." He thought I was going to cry and harp or something. Then he later reached out to me and I never responded. (Some time had gone by) but honestly we weren't compatible was there was no point, IMO. I can teach you my ways. And the main thing to remember is: the more chill/unemotional/graceful you are about it, the better for you and the more of a mindfck for them.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am hesitant to take advice from RD (kidding) but have to say I am more and more thinking that what I need is FWB. *Or maybe just a guy who communicates AND has a stable job/living space*.


Really classy Jelly!! I have always thought that if someone breaks up with me, I will say the same thing "thanks for the great times, it was nice meeting you!"

I am pretty happy in my current thing with new guy/railroad guy. I decided against introducing him to my brother and once again had the talk of "I do not see myself with you in the future, take it or leave it (in nicer words)" He said he was up for anything. I am very wishy washy, I show a lot of emotions that could be interpreted as love because I feel great around him but we have communicated plenty of times and I have told where I stand and he accepts it. I might be the one who will end up falling in love with him!!! 



Deejo said:


> Never, ever, ask the question; 'Why?'
> 
> .


:iagree:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Deejo said:


> Never, ever, ask the question; 'Why?'
> 
> You aren't going to get an honest answer to that question, and odds are you aren't going to much like it if they ARE truly honest.
> 
> "I've met someone hotter."
> 
> "You suck in bed."
> 
> "You have halitosis."
> 
> "I hate your bald spot."
> 
> "Your a wishy washy son of a b!tch that can't find his ass with both hands."
> 
> I'm big on honor. I ended things with two women who took it very hard. Tore my heart out.
> 
> And that tends to be the reason that people either subtly undermine a relationship, just stop calling, or end things really badly. Because they presume you are going to be uncomfortable, and they don't want to be uncomfortable about it.
> 
> I'm pretty practical about it.
> 
> I appreciate that they have the courage to express what the DON'T want. And the courtesy to cut us both loose to go find what we each do.


But I WANT TO KNOW the why. If it is something that I need to work on about myself, then it is to my benefit to know. It can help me prevent the same thing happening next time. (or if nothing else, make me a better person...depending on what it is, of course...)


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> I have never truly been dumped, just received the slow fade from navy guy. He is still texting... just last week I received a text saying that he had just finished the field portion of his SERE training... then I sort of questioned it becasue the last time we spoke he was in SD. As far as I know SERE is not offered in SD. No reply since last thursday.
> 
> That is okay, i am not longer obsessed with him.



sere school is a short list for navy personnel. Hmmmm. Oh well, maybe not being obsessed is a good thing. 

As for being dumped, I don't know if I have have been put on the slab since for the longest portion of my single life I was attachment adverse. I never lied about this part of me... "Let's go out and have fun, but nothing serious" was my stint.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> But I WANT TO KNOW the why. If it is something that I need to work on about myself, then it is to my benefit to know. It can help me prevent the same thing happening next time. (or if nothing else, make me a better person...depending on what it is, of course...)


I think it is understandable that you want to know. I would suggest waiting a while before asking why. Most men will think you are not rational enough to ask the WHY.

I suggest you wait about a month or two and then ask, like "hey I would like to know if you can offer me a clear assessment of what you believe to be some things I can improve in my next relationship" or something like that.

I actually did that with Blue, he was very candid and offered some good insights that I took into consideration.


----------



## ne9907

Ikaika said:


> sere school is a short list for navy personnel. Hmmmm. Oh well, maybe not being obsessed is a good thing.
> 
> As for being dumped, I don't know if I have have been put on the slab since for the longest portion of my single life I was attachment adverse. I never lied about this part of me... "Let's go out and have fun, but nothing serious" was my stint.


SERE as in survival, evasion, resistance, and escape. Is this the class you are thinking of? I thought not everyone in the NAVY was required to take this class, only specific MOS (i am army) or high importance personnel.
EDIT: For what I know, he is neither...


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> SERE as in survival, evasion, resistance, and escape. Is this the class you are thinking of? I thought not everyone in the NAVY was required to take this class, only specific MOS (i am army) or high importance personnel.



I know exactly what sere school is and yes a very narrow group of folks take this training, which I suspect has changed a lot since I was in the navy. High importance is not the criteria, it is primarily based on those who operate behind "enemy" lines. And, no one goes through it unless you will actually participate in that capacity. And, if you are active military, you would not be broadcasting this little fact. Just saying.


----------



## ne9907

Ikaika said:


> I know exactly what sere school is and yes a very narrow group of folks take this training, which I suspect has changed a lot since I was in the navy. High importance is not the criteria, it is primarily based on those who operate behind "enemy" lines. And, no one goes through it unless you will actually participate in that capacity. And, if you are active military, you would not be broadcasting this little fact. Just saying.


That was my line of thought.... I know sere. I dont understand why he would tell me that. He is active, I am 100% sure.


----------



## Wolf1974

3Xnocharm said:


> But I WANT TO KNOW the why. If it is something that I need to work on about myself, then it is to my benefit to know. It can help me prevent the same thing happening next time. (or if nothing else, make me a better person...depending on what it is, of course...)


Have you ever been totally blindsided before? I have broken off with most the women I have been involved with. None could say I didn't make it clear we had problems before the final talk.

So when I communicated an issue with my Gf that came up she was convinced I was breaking up with Her. Was never my intent although if she dismissed my concerns immediately might have changed that night. my intent was to get the behavoir to change and if it didn't the next talk would be the breakup talk lol. Much to my suprise she rattled off 4 realtionships that she claims everything was fine they just one day broke off with her. Two of them to this day she has no idea why they just were suddenly done. 

I didn't know if that was just common for some guys to do or if she wasn't getting the message or what but thought I would ask


----------



## Ikaika

ne9907 said:


> That was my line of thought.... I know sere. I dont understand why he would tell me that. He is active, I am 100% sure.



It's the pad my resume syndrome as for the rest of us, it's the Paul Simon lyrics that fits best:

"Still, tomorrow’s going to be another working day
And I’m trying to get some rest
That’s all I’m trying, to get some rest"


----------



## Ikaika

Theme song of my life:

http://youtu.be/AE3kKUEY5WU


----------



## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> Have you ever been totally blindsided before? I have broken off with most the women I have been involved with. None could say I didn't make it clear we had problems before the final talk.
> 
> So when I communicated an issue with my Gf that came up she was convinced I was breaking up with Her. Was never my intent although if she dismissed my concerns immediately might have changed that night. my intent was to get the behavoir to change and if it didn't the next talk would be the breakup talk lol. Much to my suprise she rattled off 4 realtionships that she claims everything was fine they just one day broke off with her. Two of them to this day she has no idea why they just were suddenly done.
> 
> I didn't know if that was just common for some guys to do or if she wasn't getting the message or what but thought I would ask


I've been blindsided with pretty much every time I've been dumped. No wonder I have so much anxiety when I'm into a guy I'm dating... because experience has taught me that it doesn't matter how good it seems things are going, one day the wind blows his d!ck in the wrong direction and he decides it's done.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> Told dude I'm seeing that I needed a breather and he took it really bad. I feel awful because I know he means well/treats me wel but I really am not into the fact the still lives at parents' home in almost mid-thirties and that he has waiting table jobs. He told me initially that he was going to move out in two months, that time came and went and he had some financial set backs so it keeps getting pushed. He said he was gonna look into job sitch/grad school but that hasnt happened quite yet either. I know these tings don't happen over night but I'd like to experience him in his own space, not just my home/our outings, because I want to know that part of him and can't when he's living at home. He sent me a million texts after it happened from everything from apologizing to getting angry to being sulky to saying my excuse for wanting a breather was "bullsh*t" and to 'stfu' about saing I wanted a breather when I really just don't want to be wtih him; and that $ doesn't buy happiness. I am not after his wallet so that hurt me. I was married to a man who made +++ $$$ and I left him because we weren't good partners. I am not materialistic. I do, however, want to be with someone who is financially independent and more self-actualized. I feel horrible today. He is a good guy I just wish we were more on the same page about life that way. I just feel really ick today.


LOL, don't look back. And don't feel like you have to call him a good guy. If it quacks like a duck... Sounds like a stoner to me...full of plans and no substance. If he really had all those plans he would welcome a chance to work on them vs. spending time in a relationship with someone who wants a breather. Really, who wants to spend time with someone who isn't really 100% wanting to be there...that's creepy. In addition to not looking back, maybe run a little bit too. I fell ick when I think about the 'planners' I've been with too. Good for you for being open minded about the guy and his situation, but maybe it is what it is.


----------



## Ikaika

Ok a serious debate rages on in our household. Besides the obvious ingredients, who else adds potatoes to their corn beef and cabbage dish? I mean this is of national importance people.


----------



## ne9907

Ikaika said:


> Ok a serious debate rages on in our household. Besides the obvious ingredients, who else adds potatoes to their corn beef and cabbage dish? I mean this is of national importance people.


Must be cut up red potatoes.


/wave HMU!! Hope everything is wonderful for you


----------



## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> I've been blindsided with pretty much every time I've been dumped. No wonder I have so much anxiety when I'm into a guy I'm dating... because experience has taught me that it doesn't matter how good it seems things are going, one day the wind blows his d!ck in the wrong direction and he decides it's done.


Hmm. 

Don't know about the wind blowing part. I had good reasons why I broke things off and stated them....sorry you have been blindsided. That happend to me with my marriage and yeah it does truely suck ass


----------



## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> Hmm.
> 
> Don't know about the wind blowing part. I had good reasons why I broke things off and stated them....sorry you have been blindsided. That happend to me with my marriage and yeah it does truely suck ass


It was just an expression. It may have more to say about a faulty picker in my pre-marriage/divorce days than anything else. Also, the majority of my dating was done before I turned 22, so I was dating other college geeks who were also unskilled at relationships.

I don't have enough post-divorce data to really develop any real stats. I've had one sh!tty, fade-away break-up; the other was out of the blue, yes, but when reasons were explained, it was completely understandable, and had nothing to do with anything I could fix. 

But actually... in my pre-marriage/divorce days, I was more frequently the one doing the breaking up, so even my early data is an extremely small data set to begin with. Hardly enough to develop a bell curve.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

The whole being dumped thing is fairly new in my world, until recently, I was always the one doing the rejecting or dumping. The bf right before my last marriage, we seemed to take turns, lol. But ever since that last husband divorced me, I have had one reject/dump after the other.  Not sure what changed about me, but where I used to not be able to get rid of men, now NO ONE wants to stick with me.


----------



## Wolf1974

3Xnocharm said:


> The whole being dumped thing is fairly new in my world, until recently, I was always the one doing the rejecting or dumping. The bf right before my last marriage, we seemed to take turns, lol. But ever since that last husband divorced me, I have had one reject/dump after the other.  Not sure what changed about me, but where I used to not be able to get rid of men, now NO ONE wants to stick with me.


That may very well have little to do with you. Several women I went out with and broke off with were great women. But some personality quirk or hard stance they had about something made them not the right one for me. I have no doubt many would make great Gf and Wives for someone else.

I have defintely become way way more picky now and find my areas unwilling to compromise on are increasing. Point being this may not be really a reflection of you at all.


----------



## FeministInPink

I'm getting the impression that modern dating--with all the online stuff really promotes the idea that people are disposable, which I really dislike. The whole idea that dating is like a bus stop; pass this one up, and another one will come along. It implies that one is just like the next, and that if the person you're dating isn't perfect, just dump them and jump on the next one.

I don't see people taking the time to really get to know others, or really bother with any type of investment, and they say it's just a numbers game. That kind of pessimistic, impersonal, disposable attitude really bothers me.

On the other hand, a friend of mine started dating this woman last summer. I loved her. She was beautiful, smart, thoughtful, kind, civically engaged.... any man would have been lucky to have her. But he wasn't really feeling it, and was ready to break up with her by October. But he kept seeing her because he didn't want to be single on New Year's Eve. So they went to this big party, and he basically ended up ignoring her almost the entire night, because he wanted to hang out with his friends. She broke up with him the next day, with an email and a litany of complains about the way he had treated her--all of which corresponded to the 2.5 months that he strung her along. He's normally a great guy, but I told him how sh!tty this plan was from the beginning. He didn't listen to me.

So, there's that side, too 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> That may very well have little to do with you. Several women I went out with and broke off with were great women. But some personality quirk or hard stance they had about something made them not the right one for me. I have no doubt many would make great Gf and Wives for someone else.
> 
> I have defintely become way way more picky now and find my areas unwilling to compromise on are increasing. Point being this may not be really a reflection of you at all.


Funny... I'm finding that some of the things I thought I wouldn't compromise on really aren't that important to me in practice. At the same time I'm discovering other things/characteristics, which I hadn't considered before (theoretically), which are becoming more important to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## daddymikey1975

I have some very basic standards that are must haves before considering dating anyone. Once I've gotten past that, I really enjoy getting to know someone. It's one heck of a time investment. Learning about new people is exciting. Although, to be fair, I don't do crazy or codependent at all. Lol


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> ....At the same time I'm discovering other things/characteristics, which I hadn't considered before (theoretically), which are becoming more important to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I definitely have a list of things/topics that are important to me and it's extremely difficult to find anyone that even knows what those things are. 

I wish way more people didn't watch TV or the news.... Or drink high fructose corn syrup.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> I wish way more people didn't watch TV or the news.... Or drink high fructose corn syrup.


But.. But.. I want to drink the cool aide. 


:rofl:
Sorry. I lied. They can keep that crap.


----------



## vi_bride04

And crap it is indeed!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

lonelyhusband321 said:


> You've obviously coincidentally found a string of stupid men, 3X


Thank you


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I definitely have a list of things/topics that are important to me and it's extremely difficult to find anyone that even knows what those things are.
> 
> I wish way more people didn't watch TV or the news.... Or drink high fructose corn syrup.


I stopped watching the news about 2 yrs ago. I still keep up with the headlines--I get an email newsletter recapping the major stories, or my boss fills me in when I look at him with that deer-in-the-headlights look when he mentions something. (He's used to it now, ha ha.)

It's great. Since I've stopped watching the news, I've realized that almost NOTHING that happens has any relevant application to my life. I'm much happier now


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD says it can take up to 6 mos. to get a good FWB thing going :rofl:


A sustainable one yes, note though that this is from a male perspective/experiences - where emos/lovey doveys complicate the exchange frequently.

For a lady, should be a little bit easier maybe.



Jellybeans said:


> I am hesitant to take advice from RD (kidding)


----------



## moxy

Jelly, I'm sorry things didn't work out with that guy. Good that you called it when you did.

3x, you've had a string of bad luck; it's bound to improve!

The why of a break up is never really important. Unless one has screwed up in a major way, it's just simply not happening for both people to the same extent and that's all; obvious transgressions aside, we never do wrong things, we just do things that don't make sense for that relationship. What's wrong for one isn't wrong for another.

I might have a coffee date (or two, but I am not sure I'll follow through on the second) this week. This guy is so mysterious. I am totally intrigued.

I'm having a good night, just because I am relaxing in comfy pajamas tonight, and in the knowledge that have the day off tomorrow.


----------



## daddymikey1975

moxy said:


> I might have a coffee date (or two, but I am not sure I'll follow through on the second) this week. This guy is so mysterious. I am totally intrigued.


I'm dying to know what it is about a mysterious guy that draws women in like bees to a flower. 

What is so mysterious?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

lonelyhusband321 said:


> You've obviously coincidentally found a string of stupid men, 3X


There are a lot of d*ckheads out there for sure.
Before women's rights and when the economy was booming, it was easy for d*ckhead mentality to develop, and once developed, it just tends to stick.

People tend to take the path of least resistance to get what they want. If they can get what they want (i.e. sex) with very little effort and they get a payoff a few times, then that pathway is cemented, it will be very difficult to change.

In the case of huge payoff, i.e. sex there is a reverse ratio of the normal praise to criticism ratio you usually see in cognitive behavior. To explain, you would need 1,000,000 (confidence interval 999,999.99) put downs to contradict the .01 percentage of time a d*ckhead (of either gender) gets a sex payoff from bad behavior, in order for said d*ckhead to recognize that bad behavior does not pay off. Even when that threshhold is crossed, the d*ckhead might still play the gambling game, that somewhere out there, there is a sucker who will put out. 
That is my theory of d*ckhead evolution, and if you think about it, it neatly explains the percentage of d*ckheads (male and female) in our human experience.
:rofl:


----------



## Lifescript

Jelly, 

He sure sounds immature from your post. Not to defend him but when people are hurt they say stupid things. Did you get the feeling that he was emotionally attached you?

Moving forward deal breakers for me are many. 2 key ones are that she needs to put high value on being loyal and family oriented. Another one is that she must be a positive person. I don't want a complainer. 

I haven't had much experience in dating after my marriage crashing down but the women. I've talked to and gone out with have left me with the impression that I have unrealistic or too demanding standards. For example, one girl and later became friends with saw no problem with my ex being with other guy when we first separated and were still not done. She says that when you are separated you can do whatever you want. I knew then it was best we were just friends because I don't think that's right. But maybe I'm too old school? Sometimes I feel I'm in a different world when it comes to loyalty and doing the right thing. Not sure I'm making sense. Just seems like people are doing whatever they want with whomever they want and families are going to ****.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Jelly,
> 
> He sure sounds immature from your post. Not to defend him but when people are hurt they say stupid things. Did you get the feeling that he was emotionally attached you?
> 
> Moving forward deal breakers for me are many. 2 key ones are that she needs to put high value on being loyal and family oriented. Another one is that she must be a positive person. I don't want a complainer.
> 
> I haven't had much experience in dating after my marriage crashing down but the women. I've talked to and gone out with have left me with the impression that I have unrealistic or too demanding standards. For example, one girl and later became friends with saw no problem with my ex being with other guy when we first separated and were still not done. She says that when you are separated you can do whatever you want. I knew then it was best we were just friends because I don't think that's right. But maybe I'm too old school? Sometimes I feel I'm in a different world when it comes to loyalty and doing the right thing. Not sure I'm making sense. Just seems like people are doing whatever they want with whomever they want and families are going to ****.


Similar values about loyalty and doing the right thing are crucial... and I know what you mean about being in a different world. It's hard to find people that have a lot of integrity, especially in my city (the heart of the US govt, hooray). One of the top things on my list, actually.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Similar values about loyalty and doing the right thing are crucial... and I know what you mean about being in a different world. It's hard to find people that have a lot of integrity, especially in my city (the heart of the US govt, hooray). One of the top things on my list, actually.


You feel that way too FIP? 

Like you are the minority when it comes to values and loyalty. I know my sample size is small but damn ... the things they've said to me ... just wow!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> You feel that way too FIP?
> 
> Like you are the minority when it comes to values and loyalty. I know my sample size is small but damn ... the things they've said to me ... just wow!


Yep, yep. Gets me in trouble sometimes, too.


----------



## ne9907

T minus 8 days!! 
Peru here I come 

I really like the new guy.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> T minus 8 days!!
> Peru here I come
> 
> I really like the new guy.


Who ... railroad? 

Like ...? You loveee him!! Lol


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Who ... railroad?
> 
> Like ...? You loveee him!! Lol


haha
yes railroad, but I dont love him... I just like him a lot.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Similar values about loyalty and doing the right thing are crucial... and I know what you mean about being in a different world. It's hard to find people that have a lot of integrity, especially in my city (the heart of the US govt, hooray). One of the top things on my list, actually.


Extremely hard!!!! One of the reasons I don't date. It's way more frustrating then the benefit of the payoff. 

I wish I didn't live in a country of sheeple.


----------



## Lifescript

Lol @ sheeple


----------



## Jellybeans

Code red (or green, it's St's Patrick's Day)

I have a stage 5 clinger. 
He has not stopped texting me all day and told me he knows I don't want anything serious but if I want a casual fck buddy then I should get on Tinder, that he's not going to be it. I told him I'm busy now and don't want to discuss as it's upsetting me. He said did I want to end it (I already told him I needed to on Sunday as I felt overwhelmed). I told him yes, that I did and he said he doesn't want it to end. Then that he likes me. That he doesn't want to upset me and that communication is key.

One hour and a half of his texts. He is a good guy but it's really pissing me off that he isn't respecting the fact I told him already AND he won't stop texting. I have a sh*t time setting boundaries sometimes. I have stopped texting him altogether and the last thing I said to him was he was upsetting me.


----------



## Ikaika

Jellybeans said:


> Code red (or green, it's St's Patrick's Day)
> 
> I have a stage 5 clinger.
> He has not stopped texting me all day and told me he knows I don't want anything serious but if I want a casual fck buddy then I should get on Tinder, that he's not going to be it. I told him I'm busy now and don't want to discuss as it's upsetting me. He said did I want to end it (I already told him I needed to on Sunday as I felt overwhelmed). I told him yes, that I did and he said he doesn't want it to end. Then that he likes me. That he doesn't want to upset me with smiley faces.
> 
> One hour ad a half of his texts. He is a good guy but it's really pissing me off that he isn't respecting the fact I told him already AND he won't stop texting. I have a sh*t time setting boundaries sometimes. I have stopped texting him altogether and the last thing I said to him was he was upsetting me.



This is not stage 5 clinger as much as it is harassment. How is it he assumes he can bully you into taking him back? Huge red flag (green is when you are finally clear of him) and cutting off all conversation is important. If he starts showing up in person, restraining order would be necessary. Wow, sorry you are dealing with this situation, really sucks.

Anyway have a happy saint Patrick's day, be safe.


----------



## Lifescript

These are not good signs. Just don't respond at all. He'll get the hint. Hopefully he doesn't become a problem for you.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> Code red (or green, it's St's Patrick's Day)
> 
> I have a stage 5 clinger.
> He has not stopped texting me all day and told me he knows I don't want anything serious but if I want a casual fck buddy then I should get on Tinder, that he's not going to be it. I told him I'm busy now and don't want to discuss as it's upsetting me. He said did I want to end it (I already told him I needed to on Sunday as I felt overwhelmed). I told him yes, that I did and he said he doesn't want it to end. Then that he likes me. That he doesn't want to upset me and that communication is key.
> 
> One hour and a half of his texts. He is a good guy but it's really pissing me off that he isn't respecting the fact I told him already AND he won't stop texting. I have a sh*t time setting boundaries sometimes. I have stopped texting him altogether and the last thing I said to him was he was upsetting me.


Is this the guy who was weird when introducing you to his parents?


----------



## Jellybeans

No. That was another guy I was dating. 

With this guy (the one I posted about yesterday) the texts got even more numerous and he was saying when would be a good time for me, that he was confused, that goodbye if that's what I wanted and he hoped i would have been different. Finally he did say he was sorry for upseting me and that he's upset. Well no SH*T. Explains all his texts. Oy.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> No. That was another guy I was dating.
> 
> With this guy (the one I posted about yesterday) the texts got even more numerous and he was saying when would be a good time for me, that he was confused, that goodbye if that's what I wanted and he hoped i would have been different. Finally he did say he was sorry for upseting me and that he's upset. Well no SH*T. Explains all his texts. Oy.


Put him in your Contacts as "Captain Obvious"...then block him.
Honestly what goes through these guys' heads?

She's not into you. Take your pail and shovel and move down the beach...jeesh.


----------



## ne9907

Jellybeans said:


> No. That was another guy I was dating.
> 
> With this guy (the one I posted about yesterday) the texts got even more numerous and he was saying when would be a good time for me, that he was confused, that goodbye if that's what I wanted and he hoped i would have been different. Finally he did say he was sorry for upseting me and that he's upset. Well no SH*T. Explains all his texts. Oy.


crazy town for sure


----------



## unsure78

How long were you dating this guy for jelly? 
uhhh yea I agree with everyone else you have a captain of crazy town here.


----------



## moxy

daddymikey1975 said:


> I'm dying to know what it is about a mysterious guy that draws women in like bees to a flower.
> 
> What is so mysterious?



These are my impressions on the guy in question; mysterious is a vague word, but it's useful. He's generous with his compliments, but doesn't seek approval or flattery or ego-stroking, which implies stability and security of self. He is not easy to get to know or understand, but isn't playing obfuscation-focused mind games. He's an artist and so it seems he is dedicated to his work, which means a lot to me, and he obviously thinks and feels deeply (as is evident in our interactions) but he doesn't wear all of it on his sleeve. There is a sense that there is so much to know about him, but he's not guarded and walled off and unavailable; it seems like he's not afraid of who he is and will let a little of himself at a time become known. We first conversed months ago, but only over the last few weeks have things felt connected for me; suddenly, he caught my attention. Why is he so elusive? Is this a game or a strategy? He isn't...obvious or predictable. He's polite. He's not demanding. I know little about him, but I'm intrigued and so very curious...Of course, we have chatted but we haven't gone out, so who knows whether we will be interested in each other in person. I am looking forward to finding out.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> No. That was another guy I was dating.
> 
> With this guy (the one I posted about yesterday) the texts got even more numerous and he was saying when would be a good time for me, that he was confused, that goodbye if that's what I wanted and he hoped i would have been different. Finally he did say he was sorry for upseting me and that he's upset. Well no SH*T. Explains all his texts. Oy.


Wow, you are really tolerant.
Usually I tell a guy, I don't want you to contact me.
You can contact me one time to acknowledge receipt of this message. Anything after that is harassment.

Most a-holes understand where this leads to and they'll turn their attentions elsewhere, spewing about you all the way, and their friends will be...oh, not again! :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

daddymikey1975 said:


> I'm dying to know what it is about a mysterious guy that draws women in like bees to a flower.
> 
> What is so mysterious?


Mysterious through genuine. There are so few truly genuine people in the world today, that even other truly genuine people don't understand when they run into someone else as genuine as they are.

I don't think I'm mysterious. I don't try to be mysterious. I'm a very straight forward, honest person. I know who I am, I don't try to be something I'm not, and I make no apologies for that.

I might be tall, dark, and handsome, but I'm definitely not mysterious.:smthumbup:


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> These are my impressions on the guy in question; mysterious is a vague word, but it's useful. He's generous with his compliments, but doesn't seek approval or flattery or ego-stroking, which implies stability and security of self. He is not easy to get to know or understand, but isn't playing obfuscation-focused mind games. He's an artist and so it seems he is dedicated to his work, which means a lot to me, and he obviously thinks and feels deeply (as is evident in our interactions) but he doesn't wear all of it on his sleeve. There is a sense that there is so much to know about him, but he's not guarded and walled off and unavailable; it seems like he's not afraid of who he is and will let a little of himself at a time become known. We first conversed months ago, but only over the last few weeks have things felt connected for me; suddenly, he caught my attention. Why is he so elusive? Is this a game or a strategy? He isn't...obvious or predictable. He's polite. He's not demanding. I know little about him, but I'm intrigued and so very curious...Of course, we have chatted but we haven't gone out, so who knows whether we will be interested in each other in person. I am looking forward to finding out.


I'm sorry Moxy, memory of a screen door and all.. What time were we supposed to be at that show?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Mysterious through genuine. There are so few truly genuine people in the world today, that even other truly genuine people don't understand when they run into someone else as genuine as they are.


:iagree:

That's why I'm a misanthrope :rofl:

But seriously, this is why my social circle small and close. Non-genuine people don't get access. Fair-weather "friends" just aren't worth my time. But once you're in, you're _in_.

My best friend has been my best friend for sixteen years, and we've been through EVERYTHING together. I'd do anything for her, and I know she'd do the same for her. Between her and I... two weddings, one divorce, bipolar mood episodes, a pregnancy scare, trying to figure out what to do with our lives, countless boyfriends and breakups, "dropping out" of college at the same time, finally graduating together, and multiple road trips, not to mention lots of nights spent drinking, laughing, playing trivia games, and just having fun. She's one of the most genuine people I've ever met, and I'm thankful every day that she's a part of my life. We don't get to talk as much as we used to--life gets in the way more often than it used to--but every time we get on the phone or see each other, it's like not even a day has passed.

(I emailed her the other day, when I found an article that I thought she would like, and asked when would be a good time to call, considering her schedule. She said next Wednesday evening--NINE DAYS AWAY. Yeah, her schedule seriously is like that.)


----------



## Lone Shadow

On another note - I'm half terrified by something.

I have 2 sitters. They're sisters, and they still live at home, right next door. #1 is 24, and #2 is 18. Well, #1 has been developing a thing for me. I'm not imagining it, it's real. I haven't said anything to her about this because I don't want to embarrass her, or make her uncomfortable, and end up losing a sitter. That, for now, can't happen. So until absolutely necessary, I will continue to play ignorance, while subtly discouraging her attentions.

Now the scary part. Their older sister is getting married. I was told by #1 a couple days ago that I will be getting an invitation, but that the BtB wants to give me the invitation herself, and it's supposed to be a surprise. I'm terrified that the invite is going to come dressed up as me being #1's date to the wedding.

Odds of that happening are, I'd say, about 50/50. 

This gives me about a month, month and a half to "imagine" a girlfriend into existence, so that I can politely decline attending as a +1 on the grounds that to attend a wedding as someone's date would be intolerably disrespectful to my current girlfriend. 

Oh the trials and tribulations of being made of female catnip.


----------



## FeministInPink

Do you think they'd really put you on the spot like that, LS? I think that would just be weird. I don't think you have anything to be worried about. I th ink it's pretty standard to invite neighbors to a wedding. I was obligated to invite my parents' neighbors to my wedding, but they didn't go.

Now, if you go stag to the wedding, then you might be in trouble. Chances are there will be a number of single ladies at the wedding, getting all starry-eyed at the thought of starting a new romance.

But you do have the option to decline, but make sure you have a good reason lined up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Or you could just be honest and say that an invite as a +1 makes you uncomfortable because of the working relationship. 

Or that because you're going through a divorce right now, while you're very happy for the sister, attending a wedding celebrating a life-long commitment is a little more than you can handle right now.

That second one will work well, and it's what I would recommend. Pulling the divorce card will get you all kinds of slack, and they'll drop it completely. It's like a get out of jail free card.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

In fact, when my cousin got married, right when I was in thick of the worst part of the separation, nobody thought I would show up. Even though I texted my sister to say I was coming that morning, everyone thought I'd decide to skip it at the last minute. So they were pretty surprised when I showed up. On time, no less.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

I don't know if the sisters conspiring together would put me on the spot like that or not. That's why I gave it a 50/50.

While I like your second option for refusing, I think I screwed myself in the refusal department when I asked about wedding preparations and when invites would be going out. Damn my curiosity.

I need to stop procrastinating, work up some testicular fortitude, and have a talk with #1 anyway. I'll just have to accept and work with whatever fallout may come from it.

There's tact hiding in me somewhere, I'm sure I can have this conversation with her in such a way that it won't embarrass her. I'll have to apply some of my work skills. At work, I'm very adept at telling people "no" and leaving them smiling as though they'd gotten what they wanted all along.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> On time, no less.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


?????

Seriously? You? I dun believe it!


----------



## RandomDude

So, ex-GF buggered off, asked for space, I left her alone, and now today she sent me a message at work going off at me. :scratchhead:

... right... ok, bah! Wimmens -.-

But whatever, I'll let her get it out, not going to respond. Dunno if its her 'time' of the month or something but tis not helping with me guilt >.<

Guess she was more invested then either of us even thought, oh well.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I don't know if the sisters conspiring together would put me on the spot like that or not. That's why I gave it a 50/50.
> 
> While I like your second option for refusing, I think I screwed myself in the refusal department when I asked about wedding preparations and when invites would be going out. Damn my curiosity.
> 
> I need to stop procrastinating, work up some testicular fortitude, and have a talk with #1 anyway. I'll just have to accept and work with whatever fallout may come from it.
> 
> There's tact hiding in me somewhere, I'm sure I can have this conversation with her in such a way that it won't embarrass her. I'll have to apply some of my work skills. At work, I'm very adept at telling people "no" and leaving them smiling as though they'd gotten what they wanted all along.


Making conversation about wedding planning doesn't screw you, it's being polite. And talking about plans in an abstract way is completely different than sitting through an actual ceremony and listening to the minister talk about commitment and fidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> ?????
> 
> Seriously? You? I dun believe it!


I am, on occasion, punctual. It's been known to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow,

It's easy to invent someone (hehe, you can invent me! I'd play along), but the divorce card works, too. If they do something weird, you could say you don't feel comfortable starting a relationship with someone you already have in your life and that your divorce has left you in a state that is not receptive to a relationship at this time. That way, if you have a gf by then, it works out okay, and if not, the divorce card has been played. If she brings up her crush, let her down gently. If she doesn't, then playing up your ignorance is a good idea.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So, ex-GF buggered off, asked for space, I left her alone, and now today she sent me a message at work going off at me. :scratchhead:
> 
> ... right... ok, bah! Wimmens -.-
> 
> But whatever, I'll let her get it out, not going to respond. Dunno if its her 'time' of the month or something but tis not helping with me guilt >.<
> 
> Guess she was more invested then either of us even thought, oh well.


Sometimes we wimmins just need to get this stuff of our chest.

Me, for example... I don't know when to shut up, or when to drop it, until I've said EVERYTHING I need to say, and have asked all my questions, simply because I want to 1) make sure I'm heard/understood, 2) and to make sure that I understand fully what's happening. If you don't want to respond, you don't have to.

She was probably developing an attachment long before you were a couple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FiP- 
I agree with the abstract vs reality of the situation. I'm tired, it's Friday (for me), and my thinker isn't exactly up to par at the moment. 

RD- 
Sorry man, I don't know where to begin. Maybe begin at the ending, and go backwards from there?

Moxy- 
Point 1: Thank you. 
Point 2: While I don't want to upset the balance that I have, nor can I afford to upset it, it is a conversation that needs to be had. I can only play ignint manbearpig for so long, and I think I'm fast approaching the end of my ability to play.

That aside, #1 is always trying to strike up idle conversation through text. This in and of itself makes me uncomfortable, and is more than enough reason to have a conversation about it with her.


----------



## RandomDude

I understand if she needs to get it out - however I've given her quite alot of time to spew at me face in person before I closed the book. I just don't get why even though I thought we left rather amicably she's spewing all this crap at me, tis also not very nice things she's sending either =/

Hell I don't think I led her on, well, maybe abit because I wanted to try for something 'real', however I wasn't lying when I mentioned I did like her more than just FWBs - for a time. Bah!
How the heck am I a player either? 

And why should I bother about all the times she stood up for me with her friends, heck in the end she's right that they were right in some ways - I was going to break her heart, but I'm not a player... now sure, when we were together I reassured her but, hell I didn't know the future. 

She's provoking a bloody response >.<

*sigh*... *delete* *delete* *delete*

And hell if she invested herself sooner then anticipated maybe it's time to forget about FWBs and stick to FBs or ONSs... but that's unsafe, BAH!


----------



## RandomDude

... might swing by and talk to her, I don't know.

Honestly, I don't think I gave her the fair shot she deserved. I was very selfish to break up out of the blue due to my problems.

Bah! Think that's the main problem with me and people like me, we make decisions based too much on the emotional state of things. Good times, bad times, no need for rollercoasters or breakups and makeups, just have to keep the big picture in mind.

Didn't do that in my marriage, in the end it was my pride that was the final nail in the coffin. My ex-wife was a great woman, she had issues but they were poorly managed, and the responsibility of managing her issues can't all be on her court when she was vulnerable to me as her husband. My ex-GF was a great woman too, but for me -> just plain self-centerness, and self-pity. Too much "me me me", hell they even say "love yourself first" and all that, but in the end there's a line between loving yourself and forsaking all others. I veered to the latter.

Nah fk it, I have to focus on me but without forsaking everyone else. Instead of doing sh-t I'll regret later turns out I have to be prepared if love comes again. Need to accept some responsibility for the consequences of my future actions at this rate of breaking hearts of quality women.


----------



## bkyln309

Sorry I have been MIA (I was responsible for moving our whole HQs and its week quite a trying two weeks). So forgive another post and run. I will try to catch up with reading later. I promise. 

A quick update: 

1. The older man. Him and I are going strong. I have been swamped with work and he has been away in another city. So tomorrow and Friday we get together again. His daughter comes in Saturday night and sometime next week, he wants me to meet her. He also has told his close family and friends about me and the potential we have. We talked last night about it. Still no monogamy because I think it is still too soon. He is ready to go!!! But I really like him ALOT!!! He has potential. 

2. CIO guy re-entered the picture. After he disappeared a month ago, he re-surfaced (I might have told you this already. Ignore if I did). His mom had hip surgery and almost died so he said she is now in care and he is ready to pick up where we left off. I did tell him I met someone I really liked. He asked for an opportunity to see me again. So even though I have MAJOR reservations about seeing anyone but older man, I am going on a picnic with CIO guy on Sunday. I am hoping it will show me how I feel about older man and CIO. Before older man, I was crazy about CIO. 

So there it is for now!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> But whatever, I'll let her get it out, not going to respond. Dunno if its her 'time' of the month or something but tis not helping with me guilt >.<


Don't feel guilty for doing what is best for yourself. Other people's reactions are not your responsibility.


----------



## moxy

RD, you were honest with her. While it may not have been the best idea to act on your emotions instead of thinking about the big picture, you did the best you could. Even if things could have been great between you two, you have some issues to work out in yourself. Keep in mind that your job isn't to control other people's reactions, just to behave with decency and integrity when you do what's right for yourself and your daughter.


----------



## FeministInPink

I received some sad news today. I learned, on Facebook, of all places, that a friend of mine passed away a week ago.

L was my XH's cousin, and I only met her in person once, about 7 yrs ago, at wedding of another cousin in Florida, and we hit it off right away. She was about 15 yrs my senior. We stayed in touch after the wedding, and we talked on Facebook regularly. Because XH didn't keep up with her himself, I kept each of them filled on with what was going on in each other's lives.

When she learned that XH and I were splitting up, the first thing she did was get in touch with me and ask if I was doing OK. She was a big source of support to me when I was going through my divorce, and she was one of the few people I knew who truly understood what I was going through, because she and her husband had split only a year or two earlier. She was the only person in my XH's family who even said anything to me.

I only learned of this on Facebook because I saw an in memoriam post in my feed, and I went to her page to see what was going on. Post after post of in memoriam and RIPs... but no clue as to what happened. There had been no indication in recent months that she had been sick, or not doing well... and a lot of people were asking, "What happened?" And the few people there who did know said they weren't going to post publicly out of respect to the family.

My immediate thought was suicide. I don't know why I thought this, because she was always very upbeat, and posted all kinds of positive things on Facebook. She was always talking about how much happier she was since the divorce, even though some aspects had been very difficult for her. So I don't know what made me think it, but my immediate thought was that she committed suicide.

I picked one of them at random, because I didn't know anyone on there, except for XH's family members, and I certainly wasn't going to ask _them_. I apologized for the random message, explained who I was and why L was important to me, and asked if she could tell me what happened. 

Her divorce was rather acrimonious, and she never told me any of the details, but she lost everything. He kept the house, most of the money, etc... she pretty much left with only the clothes on her back (and maybe a suitcase). Since the divorce, she had been living with her mom, who by now is quite elderly--in her 80's-- and in declining health, so L had essentially become her mom's caretaker as well. All of this, I already knew. L's mom drove her crazy, but L seemed to take it well and joked about it a lot. In recent months, one of her (adult) sons had also moved in with the two of them, so now L was sharing a room with her son. All of this, I already knew. 

The random person I emailed turned out to be L's best friend from high school, and she was kind enough to tell me what happened.

What I didn't know, and what no one else knew, except for probably her immediate family, was that L was a closet alcoholic, and probably had been for years. She liked to go out and have fun--she was a little bit of a party girl--but I didn't know just how much she was drinking when she wasn't out partying. In the last year or two, she had been retreating more and more. In recent months, she's all but refused to come out of her room, and Facebook has been her only social outlet. She stopped eating; all she did was drink. And a week ago, her internal organs gave up and shut down, and she passed away.

People won't say it was suicide, but my friend killed herself with alcohol.

It makes me sad. She was always there for so many other people, and so many people loved her and would have helped her... only they never knew anything was wrong, because she refused to let them see what was going on with her. She didn't know how to ask for help. I can't imagine how alone she must have felt these past few months. I only wish I could have helped her the way she helped me.


----------



## TooNice

I'm so sorry, FiP.


----------



## hope4family

Asked 2 girls out. Got 2 girls saying maybe next time. 

LOL....should I ask my third one out?


----------



## daddymikey1975

hope4family said:


> Asked 2 girls out. Got 2 girls saying maybe next time.
> 
> LOL....should I ask my third one out?


Yes. And the fourth. And fifth and so on. Keep on keeping on.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't feel guilty for doing what is best for yourself. Other people's reactions are not your responsibility.


My father used to tell me the more responsibility I adopt, the more power I have to change and learn from my mistakes. I don't know.



moxy said:


> RD, you were honest with her. While it may not have been the best idea to act on your emotions instead of thinking about the big picture, you did the best you could. Even if things could have been great between you two, you have some issues to work out in yourself. Keep in mind that your job isn't to control other people's reactions, just to behave with decency and integrity when you do what's right for yourself and your daughter.


The issues were resolved sooner than expected, I panicked when I shouldn't have, I underestimated the integrity and maturity of my ex-wife as well as the strength of my daughter, I also underestimated myself and my capabilities when it comes to my work, I stressed out and made a foolish decision, breaking her heart out of the blue two days from Vday. Yes, I do have other personal issues, but those are managed issues, never fixed, issues that I failed to share with her.

Meh I dunno...



FeministInPink said:


> I received some sad news today. I learned, on Facebook, of all places, that a friend of mine passed away a week ago.
> 
> L was my XH's cousin, and I only met her in person once, about 7 yrs ago, at wedding of another cousin in Florida, and we hit it off right away. She was about 15 yrs my senior. We stayed in touch after the wedding, and we talked on Facebook regularly. Because XH didn't keep up with her himself, I kept each of them filled on with what was going on in each other's lives.
> 
> When she learned that XH and I were splitting up, the first thing she did was get in touch with me and ask if I was doing OK. She was a big source of support to me when I was going through my divorce, and she was one of the few people I knew who truly understood what I was going through, because she and her husband had split only a year or two earlier. She was the only person in my XH's family who even said anything to me.
> 
> I only learned of this on Facebook because I saw an in memoriam post in my feed, and I went to her page to see what was going on. Post after post of in memoriam and RIPs... but no clue as to what happened. There had been no indication in recent months that she had been sick, or not doing well... and a lot of people were asking, "What happened?" And the few people there who did know said they weren't going to post publicly out of respect to the family.
> 
> My immediate thought was suicide. I don't know why I thought this, because she was always very upbeat, and posted all kinds of positive things on Facebook. She was always talking about how much happier she was since the divorce, even though some aspects had been very difficult for her. So I don't know what made me think it, but my immediate thought was that she committed suicide.
> 
> I picked one of them at random, because I didn't know anyone on there, except for XH's family members, and I certainly wasn't going to ask _them_. I apologized for the random message, explained who I was and why L was important to me, and asked if she could tell me what happened.
> 
> Her divorce was rather acrimonious, and she never told me any of the details, but she lost everything. He kept the house, most of the money, etc... she pretty much left with only the clothes on her back (and maybe a suitcase). Since the divorce, she had been living with her mom, who by now is quite elderly--in her 80's-- and in declining health, so L had essentially become her mom's caretaker as well. All of this, I already knew. L's mom drove her crazy, but L seemed to take it well and joked about it a lot. In recent months, one of her (adult) sons had also moved in with the two of them, so now L was sharing a room with her son. All of this, I already knew.
> 
> The random person I emailed turned out to be L's best friend from high school, and she was kind enough to tell me what happened.
> 
> What I didn't know, and what no one else knew, except for probably her immediate family, was that L was a closet alcoholic, and probably had been for years. She liked to go out and have fun--she was a little bit of a party girl--but I didn't know just how much she was drinking when she wasn't out partying. In the last year or two, she had been retreating more and more. In recent months, she's all but refused to come out of her room, and Facebook has been her only social outlet. She stopped eating; all she did was drink. And a week ago, her internal organs gave up and shut down, and she passed away.
> 
> People won't say it was suicide, but my friend killed herself with alcohol.
> 
> It makes me sad. She was always there for so many other people, and so many people loved her and would have helped her... only they never knew anything was wrong, because she refused to let them see what was going on with her. She didn't know how to ask for help. I can't imagine how alone she must have felt these past few months. I only wish I could have helped her the way she helped me.




Don't know what to say...


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I'm so sorry, FiP.


Thanks, TN. I appreciate that.



RandomDude said:


> My father used to tell me the more responsibility I adopt, the more power I have to change and learn from my mistakes. I don't know.


I think he might have been onto something, RD. It's an idea worth considering for a while. You might find there's a lot of truth to that statement. 



RandomDude said:


> Don't know what to say...


Sigh... neither do I. I'm still kind of in shock, actually. 

It's strange, because we had no people in common. Anyone we had in common disappeared from my life with the divorce. So there's no one I can talk to who knew her, no one to reminisce with, no one to grieve with.

It's occurred to me that grief is really a communal process. We seek out others who are experiencing the same pain, and there's some healing to be had in that shared experience. I think that's why, when going through our respective divorces, we all sought out a place like TAM, so that we could go through that particular grieving process with others who were experiencing the same (advice not withstanding).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I'm sorry for your loss FIP.



FeministInPink said:


> It's occurred to me that grief is really a communal process. We seek out others who are experiencing the same pain, and there's some healing to be had in that shared experience. I think that's why, when going through our respective divorces, we all sought out a place like TAM, so that we could go through that particular grieving process with others who were experiencing the same (advice not withstanding).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've never thought about it like that, but you may be right! There is comfort knowing that others have/are gone/going through the same thing and survived.


----------



## Lifescript

I'm sorry for your loss FIP.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I'm sorry for your loss FIP.





Lifescript said:


> I'm sorry for your loss FIP.


Thanks, to both of you.



TheGoodGuy said:


> I've never thought about it like that, but you may be right! There is comfort knowing that others have/are gone/going through the same thing and survived.


And there is a grieving component to the whole divorce process. A lot of people don't want to acknowledge it, but it's there, and it's an important part of moving on into the next phase of one's life.

The thing I noticed, while I was going through it, was that people who were married, but never divorced, were sympathetic, but they didn't understand. At best, their words/actions were kind, but empty; at worst, their words/actions were callous and thoughtless. (OK, so the "at worst" was usually my mom. Very few people said callous and thoughtless things to me.) It made me feel alone and completely isolated. It was only through speaking with other people, who were going through the same experience that I was, that I was able to take forward steps through that process. And talking to people who were on the other side gave me hope that I would get there eventually.

And I did


----------



## SamuraiJack

I'm sorry you lost your Friend FIP.
Sad way to go.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry about your friend FIP. That is sad news. Will ou be attending her funeral/viewing/etc?



FeministInPink said:


> The thing I noticed, while I was going through it, was that people who were married, but never divorced, were sympathetic, but they didn't understand.


People who haven't experienced a divorce truly do not "get it." 

I went out with a guy on a date and it came up that he was divorced. I said, Me, too! And we both smiled/laughed and high-fived each other. It was totally weird but so spot on/funny. We had that big commonlity and it felt like we were from the same tribe or something. Hahaha.



hope4family said:


> Asked 2 girls out. Got 2 girls saying maybe next time.
> 
> LOL....should I ask my third one out?


Absolutely! Forget about the first two and keep asking people out.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> And there is a grieving component to the whole divorce process. A lot of people don't want to acknowledge it, but it's there, and it's an important part of moving on into the next phase of one's life.
> 
> The thing I noticed, while I was going through it, was that people who were married, but never divorced, were sympathetic, but they didn't understand. At best, their words/actions were kind, but empty; at worst, their words/actions were callous and thoughtless. (OK, so the "at worst" was usually my mom. Very few people said callous and thoughtless things to me.) It made me feel alone and completely isolated. It was only through speaking with other people, who were going through the same experience that I was, that I was able to take forward steps through that process. And talking to people who were on the other side gave me hope that I would get there eventually.
> 
> And I did


I am very much feeling this part right now. My friends are amazing. My ex even stated several times before we physically split how glad he was that I have them. But they are all married. They are supportive and wonderful and kind. But I still feel profoundly alone on many occasions. That's one of the things I love about coming here. Even if I just post in my little journal thread to vent about life, it helps. And hearing stories about everyone who has gone through it. And got to the other side.  

I know I will get there, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

SamuraiJack said:


> I'm sorry you lost your Friend FIP.
> Sad way to go.


Thanks, Samurai. 

That's what I'm having a hard time with, that it's just so sad. Not just the fact that she passed, but the circumstances are what really upset me.



Jellybeans said:


> Sorry about your friend FIP. That is sad news. Will ou be attending her funeral/viewing/etc?


Since she passed a week ago, I'm guessing the service will be very soon, but I haven't seen any information. I assume it will be in Florida. The distance and the short notice would make it difficult, not to mention 1) there's too much going on at work to take the time off, and 2) I can't afford to go. 

Oh, and then there's the whole thing about seeing my XH's family that I don't want to deal with. He told them a whole host of lies about me and what happened between us.



Jellybeans said:


> People who haven't experienced a divorce truly do not "get it."
> 
> I went out with a guy on a date and it came up that he was divorced. I said, Me, too! And we both smiled/laughed and high-fived each other. It was totally weird but so spot on/funny. We had that big commonlity and it felt like we were from the same tribe or something. Hahaha.


I'm not sure I could date someone who HASN'T been divorced, now. Well maybe date, but a LTR? Probably not. I don't see how they could understand what I've experienced, and how it's impacted me.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I am very much feeling this part right now. My friends are amazing. My ex even stated several times before we physically split how glad he was that I have them. But they are all married. They are supportive and wonderful and kind. But I still feel profoundly alone on many occasions. That's one of the things I love about coming here. Even if I just post in my little journal thread to vent about life, it helps. And hearing stories about everyone who has gone through it. And got to the other side.
> 
> I know I will get there, too.


Friends get sick of hearing about it, too, if you're sharing with them. They get burnt out from listening. Having this outlet is good for you to get all that stuff out, so you're not continually dumping on your friends. It allows you and your friends to stay friends


----------



## Another Planet

Just dropping in to say hi while sitting in the office! Hope everyone is doing well. 
 :smthumbup:


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not sure I could date someone who HASN'T been divorced, now. Well maybe date, but a LTR? Probably not. I don't see how they could understand what I've experienced, and how it's impacted me.


I have a friend who shares your mentality. He says will absolutely NOT date any woman who hasn't been divorced.


----------



## vi_bride04

I feel the same, I would not consider a LTR with someone who hasn't been divorced.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

At my age, someone who hasn't already had a long term relationship would be a red flag to me that they weren't relationship material. And obviously I want that previous relationship(s) to be long over before I'll date them. On top of that, I want to be truly understood.

Dating's going to be hard, if I ever get around to doing it.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> It's occurred to me that grief is really a communal process. We seek out others who are experiencing the same pain, and there's some healing to be had in that shared experience. I think that's why, when going through our respective divorces, we all sought out a place like TAM, so that we could go through that particular grieving process with others who were experiencing the same (advice not withstanding).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed, that's why I like TAM, it remains my sole outlet. If not I think I would go even more bonkers.



> I feel the same, I would not consider a LTR with someone who hasn't been divorced.





> I have a friend who shares your mentality. He says will absolutely NOT date any woman who hasn't been divorced.


Seems to affect chemistry for me, I call this being of a similar wavelength. If they had never been there, they will never understand. If they can never understand, can never confide in them. Problem I had with ex-GF...


----------



## bkyln309

TooNice said:


> I am very much feeling this part right now. My friends are amazing. My ex even stated several times before we physically split how glad he was that I have them. But they are all married. They are supportive and wonderful and kind. But I still feel profoundly alone on many occasions. That's one of the things I love about coming here. Even if I just post in my little journal thread to vent about life, it helps. And hearing stories about everyone who has gone through it. And got to the other side.
> 
> I know I will get there, too.



Its a process. Married people do not understand. I think they try but there is no way you can understand the divorce process and its toll if you havent been through it. As stated earlier, it would be a good thing to get a group of friends in IRL or online who have been through it. This is a great forum to start with.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Its a process. Married people do not understand. I think they try but there is no way you can understand the divorce process and its toll if you havent been through it. As stated earlier, it would be a good thing to get a group of friends in IRL or online who have been through it. This is a great forum to start with.


The funny thing that I found... when I started being open with people IRL (because I didn't tell anyone about my marital problems, or the separation for a long time--with the exception of telling my parents and my boss), I learned that there are a lot of people who are living their post-divorce life, who I didn't even know had been divorced. A number of people came out and said, well, when I went through my divorce... and I was like, really??? You were married before/divorced??? I had no idea! 

It gave me a lot of hope, actually...


----------



## ne9907

railroad guy told me to run for the hills. 

THe way we started our thing was purely sexual, it is developing into something more, so at the beginning of our thing I told him to tell me if he was developing deeper feelings for me. 

The other day we were on the phone just joking around, and he said "start running for the hills"

I am just going to stay put and start by dipping my feet in these emotions... the worse that could happen is that I get my heart broken again.


----------



## FeministInPink

Well, there is that saying, Ne... Men look for sex and find love; women look for love and find sex. 

OK, so maybe you're both men in this situation. :rofl:

Give it a go and see what happens. Worst case scenario, you get your heart broken and you're back at square one. Best case scenario, maybe this is the one that works out for you.

As Dan Savage said, every relationship in your life is going to end at some point... until you find the one that doesn't. And you never really know if you're in the one that doesn't end, until you die. Then you know for sure, "Hey, so that was the one that didn't end."

A very good argument for always putting an effort into your relationships, even the ones that are the most solid and don't look like they need investing. You stop investing, it means you're taking them for granted, and that's the beginning of the end.

OK, that went off into a little tangent there, but oh well


----------



## GA HEART

Good tangent, and truth!

So.......I met a guy.

He went to school with my best friend. Was actually a crush she had, but he never knew because he was quiet and shy and so was she. When she got married (to someone else, of course) and had her first child, she actually named her son AFTER this guy! LOL! Her 18 year old has the same name, just spelled differently. I've already had to assign a nickname. The most hilarious part of this is, I didn't meet him through her AT ALL! Lol! (Okc profile, small world!) It's been a great point of amusement between the three of us.

He lives an hour and a half away. I like the distance for now. It will keep things nice and slow. He seems quite interested, always contacts me first....but happy to not label a thing. He knows I have other male friends and he has other female friends, and we are both 110% cool with it. Neither of us are being sexually active with said friends, but definitely have some pretty suggestive conversations with each other! Whew! I have met him in person once very briefly, and we have skyped a few times and chatted on the phone a few times. Text quite a bit.

I'm enjoying the heck out of myself. I'm in a different place than I was before. It feels good to NOT rush sex, relationship, commitment, or ANYthing. We are both just going with the flow. He knows all about my somewhat recent relationship disaster, and hasn't run away screaming. LOL! He is one of the good guys. The type that I haven't been attracted to in the past. I'm learning, finally. I hope. LOL!


----------



## RandomDude

Don't know how you guys can hold onto hope despite everything, one thing I always lacked; faith.

I just see disaster and try to solve it logically, and sometimes I just see no-win scenarios and back off. I'm very conflicted with believing in something, something I'm also conflicted with in terms of my daughter going with her mum to church every Sunday. Meh

I want her to inherit my ex-wife's faith, it's something I don't have. Yet I don't want her to inherit anything too blindly, *sigh*


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Don't know how you guys can hold onto hope despite everything, one thing I always lacked; faith.
> 
> I just see disaster and try to solve it logically, and sometimes I just see no-win scenarios and back off. I'm very conflicted with believing in something, something I'm also conflicted with in terms of my daughter going with her mum to church every Sunday. Meh
> 
> I want her to inherit my ex-wife's faith, it's something I don't have. Yet I don't want her to inherit anything too blindly, *sigh*


RD, I don't know if it's so much something that's inherited or even learned.

I am a happy, optimistic, hopeful person. It's my default setting. Of course, like any other person, I have my moments of sadness and discouragement when appropriate, but I almost always see the silver lining in any situation, and I bounce back from negative experiences pretty quickly.

I have no idea where that came from, or why I'm like that. Because I certainly didn't inherit it or learn it from my parents, both of whom lean towards defeatist and negative. Maybe I developed this outlook as a way to counterbalance that. Though in recent years, my father has changed a lot in that respect (he has become more positive), so it may be a learned behavior.

So who knows? Maybe I need to do some research and post some articles 

Interesting though, that you used the term "faith." Because I DID read an article recently about how the tendency towards religious faith (or lack thereof) may be an inherited trait.


----------



## RandomDude

I try to be a realist, hence alot of negativity at times, I just don't try to argue with the facts presented to me I guess. Like fact remains:

- I'm soon to be divorced
- I'm almost 30
- I'm not as attractive as I was in my early 20s
- Majority of women in my city/age range are not suitable
- I have high, perhaps unrealistic standards and tastes
- I can't accept someone's child even though I have my own
- I'm stuck in my city due to work and daughter

All this puts me in a very bad position for the future. Despite years since seperation of meeting new people, I have not found a woman even close to ex-wife's quality, and even ex-GF was a huge stepup from the majority of women I met, among hundreds. Due to my standards for personality/mental/emotional compatibility I found the FWB approach more successful as I could disregard them for merely physical standards. Otherwise I would like, date 1 woman every 5 years, and we probably won't be compatible.

And I can't disregard my physical standards, beauty is in the eye of the beholder - that I strongly believe. As such, I do not wish to pretend to find someone attractive when I believe I should step back and let her find someone else who does, a woman deserves that much.

I wish I can believe, have faith. I don't know


----------



## 06Daddio08

Have you tried individual counselling before?


----------



## FeministInPink

RD...

Uh, we're all divorced. That's not stopping any of us. Get over it. It's not your identity. It's a small part of who you are, but it's not definitive unless you make it so. 

I can't get past your whole, "I'm almost 30 so it's time for me to give up" bit. The majority of us on this thread are older than 30, and we haven't given up. Seriously!

And you don't look as good as you did in your early 20s? Pfft. NO ONE looks as good as they did in their early 20s, and that doesn't stop any of us!

The majority of women in your city are unsuitable? Really? Do you even KNOW half the women in your city? I doubt it. If anything, you're looking in the wrong places.

Unrealistic standards and tastes? Pfft. You are not a unique unicorn. Get over yourself. If you can't let go of this one, then YES, you will end up alone, if you refuse to date any woman that doesn't bear a close resemblance to Claudia Schiffer (or whatever supermodel floats your boat). I'm not saying that you should date unattractive women. I'm saying that normal people aren't supermodels; normal people that look like supermodels BECOME supermodels, and they date rock stars.

Stuck in the same city? Blah blah blah. People are people, and you'll find that people are the same from city to city. Location doesn't mean squat. If you're looking in the wrong places, it doesn't matter what city you go to, you'll still find the same types of women.

These are all EXCUSES. That is all they are. Not even close to being real legitimate reasons. "I'm an asexual, emotionless eunich" is a reason. All this stuff you mention, excuses, excuses, excuses.

I mean this in the kindest and most loving way possible... all your "reasons" are bullsh!t. And you're coming up with all these excuses because you're not willing to face the real reason... whatever that is. I would put my money on fear of being emotionally vulnerable.

You attract what you put out into the world. You're putting out TONS of negative energy. You're not going to find what you want until you fix that. When you fix what's messed up in you, you'll start attracting the type of woman who is right for you. The wrong type will still be attracted/mixed in, so you'll have to do some sorting, but the good ones are there.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, I can't say I've met HALF of the women in the city, but I've met quite a sizable sample, roughly ~500 in one year. I meet them everywhere from networking groups, as well as hobbyist groups, work, as well as randomly in malls, trains, anywhere really (Hell, I met ex-wife in a church!). I don't pick up in bars/clubs, not my thing. From different demographics as well. 

I've also lived in different states and cities throughout my life pre-marriage, and yes, the women ARE different. Not to mention my city has a large immigrant multicultural population. However, unless they assimilate they tend to stick to their own culture unless searching for visa sponsorship. Location can also determine lifestyle, lifestyle can determine personality/mentality/outlook/values/etc...

As for my standards, they aren't exactly simply physical (I dated ALOT of women since seperation remember - they just ended up being classed to me as "FWB-material"). I kept ex-GF/FWB at arms length because our value system was not compatible. Even though I came to understand and accept her (and women like her) in the end, no sparks in that department.

Now not to say I haven't met any quality women - but they are either exs, or taken, or with baggage I can't accept (I hate kids except my own!)

As for my attitude, I know negativity comes out as an aura, comes out in my body language, and my speech. When I do go out or approach someone who catches my fancy I do approach her with optimism. I have to, it's just in the art. Hell I walk into a party and come out with all the girls numbers and leave all the guys sitting there looking jealous of me. That's how I am. Yet - I'm still short of someone I can justify investing myself emotionally in. I am almost always disappointed.

I'm just being a realist


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, think I'll feel better after a lay or two, dry spell is going on over a month now.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Meh, think I'll feel better after a lay or two, dry spell is going on over a month now.


Stay away from women and focus on yourself.


----------



## RandomDude

But me horny


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> As for my attitude, I know negativity comes out as an aura, comes out in my body language, and my speech. When I do go out or approach someone who catches my fancy I do approach her with optimism. I have to, it's just in the art. Hell I walk into a party and come out with all the girls numbers and leave all the guys sitting there looking jealous of me. That's how I am. Yet - I'm still short of someone I can justify investing myself emotionally in. I am almost always disappointed.
> 
> I'm just being a realist


I was going to post that negativity was your biggest problem, but I see you realize that. But it isn't just an aura you can conceal. You have to actually address it and overcome it.



RandomDude said:


> Meh, think I'll feel better after a lay or two, dry spell is going on over a month now.


And you won't be able to do that if you keep distracting yourself. Another thing that turns women off is feeling like you are just using them to make yourself feel better.

It seems like you just like to whine and are not interested in any advice about fixing your problem.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> But me horny


That's what your hand is for. Get to know yourself more, RD.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> That's what your hand is for. Get to know yourself more, RD.


:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I was going to post that negativity was your biggest problem, but I see you realize that. But it isn't just an aura you can conceal. You have to actually address it and overcome it.
> 
> And you won't be able to do that if you keep distracting yourself. Another thing that turns women off is feeling like you are just using them to make yourself feel better.
> 
> It seems like you just like to whine and are not interested in any advice about fixing your problem.


And tis why I whine on this forum! No one knows in RL 

As for advice I need logical evidence to believe, as I mentioned already I don't have faith or hope.



vi_bride04 said:


> That's what your hand is for. Get to know yourself more, RD.


Lol

Relying on the hand overtime reduces my ability to perform though when I actually do get some


----------



## coffee4me

RandomDude said:


> But me horny


This gave me a much needed laugh. Thanks RD


----------



## RandomDude

Tis not funny -.-

But you're welcome


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> I have a friend who shares your mentality. He says will absolutely NOT date any woman who hasn't been divorced.





vi_bride04 said:


> I feel the same, I would not consider a LTR with someone who hasn't been divorced.





Hopeful Cynic said:


> At my age, someone who hasn't already had a long term relationship would be a red flag to me that they weren't relationship material. And obviously I want that previous relationship(s) to be long over before I'll date them. On top of that, I want to be truly understood.
> 
> Dating's going to be hard, if I ever get around to doing it.


Yep gotta earn those tattoos! 
It feels like there is a certain level of mental adolescence about relationships left in undivorced people, an ignorance about the peachy keen rainbows roses and unicorns life they most certainly will always have...or so they think. 

Aaaaaaahhhh but how I wish I was one of them inexperienced people with the glimmer of a fairy tale life still left in my eye, I'm almost jealous. Then I remember the hell I went through and the lessons I have since learned, and how there is a pretty darn good chance that they will crash and burn at some point and sure as fvck don't want to experience that again. 
I also like who I am today and I would not be the same person if I did not go through what I did and plus I really don't mind my battle scars...


----------



## GA HEART

Another Planet said:


> Yep gotta earn those tattoos!
> It feels like there is a certain level of mental adolescence about relationships left in undivorced people, an ignorance about the peachy keen rainbows roses and unicorns life they most certainly will always have...or so they think.
> 
> Aaaaaaahhhh but how I wish I was one of them inexperienced people with the glimmer of a fairy tale life still left in my eye, I'm almost jealous. Then I remember the hell I went through and the lessons I have since learned, and how there is a pretty darn good chance that they will crash and burn at some point and sure as fvck don't want to experience that again.
> I also like who I am today and I would not be the same person if I did not go through what I did and plus I really don't mind my battle scars...


I"m quite experienced with the BS that life delivers and still have the proverbial "glimmer of fairy tale still left in my eye." It's because I"m a recovering optimist. I"ve been a realist, and it wasn't as much fun. :rofl:


----------



## Another Planet

RandomDude said:


> Well, I can't say I've met HALF of the women in the city, but I've met quite a sizable sample, roughly ~500 in one year. I meet them everywhere from networking groups, as well as hobbyist groups, work, as well as randomly in malls, trains, anywhere really (Hell, I met ex-wife in a church!). I don't pick up in bars/clubs, not my thing. From different demographics as well.
> 
> I've also lived in different states and cities throughout my life pre-marriage, and yes, the women ARE different. Not to mention my city has a large immigrant multicultural population. However, unless they assimilate they tend to stick to their own culture unless searching for visa sponsorship. Location can also determine lifestyle, lifestyle can determine personality/mentality/outlook/values/etc...
> 
> As for my standards, they aren't exactly simply physical (I dated ALOT of women since seperation remember - they just ended up being classed to me as "FWB-material"). I kept ex-GF/FWB at arms length because our value system was not compatible. Even though I came to understand and accept her (and women like her) in the end, no sparks in that department.
> 
> Now not to say I haven't met any quality women - but they are either exs, or taken, or with baggage I can't accept (I hate kids except my own!)
> 
> As for my attitude, I know negativity comes out as an aura, comes out in my body language, and my speech. When I do go out or approach someone who catches my fancy I do approach her with optimism. I have to, *it's just in the art*. Hell I *walk into a party and come out with all the girls numbers and leave all the guys sitting there looking jealous of me*. That's how I am. Yet - I'm still short of someone I can justify *investing myself emotionally in. I am almost always disappointed*.
> 
> I'm just being a realist


No you are being a defeatist  
Sounds like you are still quite insecure as I tend to be as well so I feel I can relate. As we all know and sometimes have to be reminded with the 2x4 of truth  work on your self and she will happen. If it doesn't fvckn happen ever so be it that was your destiny. And why do you need a woman to define you anyway? Maybe that seeps through to others and you are ending up with emotional shallow unfulfilling relationships.
Never stop growing.


----------



## GA HEART

RD, I"ve been there. After my divorce I was there for about 2 years. The quicker you pull yourself out of it, the better. Hanging onto pain blows.


----------



## Another Planet

GA HEART said:


> I"m quite experienced with the BS that life delivers and still have the proverbial "glimmer of fairy tale still left in my eye." It's because I"m a recovering optimist. I"ve been a realist, and it wasn't as much fun. :rofl:


Lol yes as am I. One thing I have learned is when life is feeling ****ty you are probably looking at all the **** in life. Stop that! Look some where else, so much this time has to offer but not if you are stuck with tunnel vision.

RD maybe it would also help to look for a completely different type of woman then you normally would be chasing. You would be surprised what can make you happy.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Well, I can't say I've met HALF of the women in the city, but I've met quite a sizable sample, roughly ~500 in one year. I meet them everywhere from networking groups, as well as hobbyist groups, work, as well as randomly in malls, trains, anywhere really (Hell, I met ex-wife in a church!). I don't pick up in bars/clubs, not my thing. From different demographics as well.
> 
> I've also lived in different states and cities throughout my life pre-marriage, and yes, the women ARE different. Not to mention my city has a large immigrant multicultural population. However, unless they assimilate they tend to stick to their own culture unless searching for visa sponsorship. Location can also determine lifestyle, lifestyle can determine personality/mentality/outlook/values/etc...
> 
> As for my standards, they aren't exactly simply physical (I dated ALOT of women since seperation remember - they just ended up being classed to me as "FWB-material"). I kept ex-GF/FWB at arms length because our value system was not compatible. Even though I came to understand and accept her (and women like her) in the end, no sparks in that department.
> 
> Now not to say I haven't met any quality women - but they are either exs, or taken, or with baggage I can't accept (I hate kids except my own!)
> 
> As for my attitude, I know negativity comes out as an aura, comes out in my body language, and my speech. When I do go out or approach someone who catches my fancy I do approach her with optimism. I have to, it's just in the art. Hell I walk into a party and come out with all the girls numbers and leave all the guys sitting there looking jealous of me. That's how I am. Yet - I'm still short of someone I can justify investing myself emotionally in. I am almost always disappointed.
> 
> I'm just being a realist



I hear you. I live in a similar type of city so I understand the feeling. But negativity is the worse thing you can have. Work on finding the good in each person even if its not going the distance. Its hard for me as well but it is something I work to focus on. It literally changes how people feel about you. It leads to overall better relationships dating or not. And the reality is it just takes time to find the person who has not only the physical attributes/chemistry but one who holds mental and emotional keys. I know for myself I upped my age limit and I found one man who really does fit alot of what I am looking for. Maybe expand what you think you want. You might be surprised.


----------



## bkyln309

Update: Dates with both men went well over the weekend. I am definitely keeping the older guy around for now. I think the businessman Im going to cut it off with. We have a very strong physical attraction and in general get along fine. But it just doesnt feel right. My instinct says no. I didnt trust that instinct with ex and it burned me. I am going to trust it this time.


----------



## Jellybeans

I watched the docu-series The Jinx on HBO about Robert Durst and recommend it to all. 

It is fascinating/riveting.


----------



## Jellybeans

vi_bride04 said:


> That's what your hand is for. Get to know yourself more, RD.


I know myself very well.


----------



## Another Planet

So what lead me back here to say hi the other day...that I never got to is I needed to vent and ask some advise about something from my friends the all knowing singles of TAM. 

So my GF and I actually hit a year together a week ago. Yay us! 
But I have an unfortunate story to tell. Some of you know my back story or parts of it and some might know it all, full of all kinds of affairs and insanity and crazy stuff.
Well both my GF and I have been building a life together minus all the toxic people cause we are just tired of that life. Or trying to anyway :/
We have been working on finding good friends to fill the void. And she/we had thought we found a really good one.....
But alas humans being humans just need to unfortunately fvck **** up.
Sooooo we had a party a couple weekends ago and we were up late playing cards and drinking and it was just a couple of us left a buddy of mine and my GF's friend, we were all tired so they took off shortly also. My GF hit the pillow and was almost immediately out so I am cleaning up from the party and I get a message on FB from her/our friend letting me know she got home safely which I thought was odd at first but was glad she did cause we would have worried. I just say good to hear and lol GF is passed OUT! She then goes "maybe stepping over the boundary but you should sneak out".....me being as unfortunately well versed in affairs knew what that meant with no question asked.....I just responded that I am 100% my GF's.....and she responded "I know that was stupid" and I just said "don't worry about it" and then that was that.

I thought I could just ignore that it happened but my faith in the security of relationships has once again been shot down. She is married and good friends with my GF wtf!
I also have no idea how to tell my GF, I am not sure if I am over reacting but it is becoming a big deal to me. I don't want to crush my GF's faith also but I believe in the truth and there shouldn't be secrets. I think friend just fvcked up for a second and needed to be set straight, it happens...I am personally tired of it happening to me though wth can't people just be faithful


----------



## Jellybeans

Tell your GF. Show her the message.

Not fcking cool. Good of you to shut her down how you did.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Tell your GF. Show her the message.
> 
> Not fcking cool. Good of you to shut her down how you did.


No it wasn't cool at all. Couldn't believe it, I was floored...I was left just shaking my head that it was happening again. All the prep work on ourselves and building up a healthy relationship with good boundaries and it happens again :scratchhead:
And now I am wondering if it is me? It is always an involved woman, do I attract them for some reason? I want it to not happen again. I feel I need to watch out more often then I should.


----------



## RandomDude

Another Planet said:


> ...If it doesn't fvckn happen ever so be it that was your destiny.


And it's a destiny I'm coming to accept...



GA HEART said:


> RD, I"ve been there. After my divorce I was there for about 2 years. The quicker you pull yourself out of it, the better. Hanging onto pain blows.


It's more disappointment then pain for me =/



Another Planet said:


> RD maybe it would also help to look for a completely different type of woman then you normally would be chasing. You would be surprised what can make you happy.


I've broadened my horizons as much as I can. When it comes to FWBs it's physical standards only, so I am never disappointed (unless they go all emo/lovey dovey on me)

Dating ex-GF was stepping out of my comfort zone, but in the end well, we all know how that turned out.



bkyln309 said:


> I hear you. I live in a similar type of city so I understand the feeling. But negativity is the worse thing you can have. Work on finding the good in each person even if its not going the distance. Its hard for me as well but it is something I work to focus on. It literally changes how people feel about you. It leads to overall better relationships dating or not. And the reality is it just takes time to find the person who has not only the physical attributes/chemistry but one who holds mental and emotional keys. I know for myself I upped my age limit and I found one man who really does fit alot of what I am looking for. Maybe expand what you think you want. You might be surprised.


On what should I expand?


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> All the prep work on ourselves and building up a healthy relationship with good boundaries and it happens again :scratchhead:
> 
> And now I am wondering if it is me? It is always an involved woman, do I attract them for some reason? I want it to not happen again. I feel I need to watch out more often then I should.


Your boundaries are fine. It's the other woman's that are spotty. that's why it's good you told her where to go with that.

You have NO control over how others behave. You can only control your own behavior. Still, if my girl friend was hitting on my guy, I would want to know.


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> No it wasn't cool at all. Couldn't believe it, I was floored...I was left just shaking my head that it was happening again. All the prep work on ourselves and building up a healthy relationship with good boundaries and it happens again :scratchhead:
> And now I am wondering if it is me? It is always an involved woman, do I attract them for some reason? I want it to not happen again. I feel I need to watch out more often then I should.


It is definitely not you RD. Like Jelly said, tell your gf. Yep. I would want to know.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> So my GF and I actually hit a year together a week ago. Yay us!


Yay!!! Wow, a year? I can't believe it's been that long... but I can  So happy for you, AP.



Another Planet said:


> I also have no idea how to tell my GF, I am not sure if I am over reacting but it is becoming a big deal to me. I don't want to crush my GF's faith also but I believe in the truth and there shouldn't be secrets. I think friend just fvcked up for a second and needed to be set straight, it happens...I am personally tired of it happening to me though wth can't people just be faithful


^^^ I think you could just start off with some version of this, and then tell her what happened.

But I think you should definitely tell her about this. A) Secrets, esp about this sort of thing, are not good. B) This friend is new, and could turn out to be crazy; she's probably not, but it's a possibility. You don't want her to go all Single White Female on you. Better nip this in the bud now. C) GF deserves the truth about this woman, and the opportunity to decide if she wants to keep someone like this in her life. D) If you don't tell her, there will likely be some awkward behavior between you and friend the next time you see her, and GF will pick up on that, and it will create bigger probs later. E) Similarly, if you don't tell her now, and she finds out later, it will just be worse.

Like JB said, you did nothing wrong; you were completely appropriate, it was the "friend" who was out of line. And if I was the your GF, I would want to know....

... and I would take that b!tch DOWN. But that's just me. The taking down part. I would NOT tolerate any woman putting the moves on my man, especially someone who was supposed to be my "friend." She would be out of my life. Your GF might be more generous than that.


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> Yay!!! Wow, a year? I can't believe it's been that long... but I can  So happy for you, AP.
> 
> 
> 
> ^^^ I think you could just start off with some version of this, and then tell her what happened.
> 
> But I think you should definitely tell her about this. A) Secrets, esp about this sort of thing, are not good. B) This friend is new, and could turn out to be crazy; she's probably not, but it's a possibility. You don't want her to go all Single White Female on you. Better nip this in the bud now. C) GF deserves the truth about this woman, and the opportunity to decide if she wants to keep someone like this in her life. D) If you don't tell her, there will likely be some awkward behavior between you and friend the next time you see her, and GF will pick up on that, and it will create bigger probs later. E) Similarly, if you don't tell her now, and she finds out later, it will just be worse.
> 
> Like JB said, you did nothing wrong; you were completely appropriate, it was the "friend" who was out of line. And if I was the your GF, I would want to know....
> 
> ... and I would take that b!tch DOWN. But that's just me. The taking down part. I would NOT tolerate any woman putting the moves on my man, especially someone who was supposed to be my "friend." She would be out of my life. Your GF might be more generous than that.


Yeah, seriously. What "friend" does that? - sheesh, especially after you've invited them into your home. GRRRR.


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> No it wasn't cool at all. Couldn't believe it, I was floored...I was left just shaking my head that it was happening again. All the prep work on ourselves and building up a healthy relationship with good boundaries and it happens again :scratchhead:
> And now I am wondering if it is me? It is always an involved woman, do I attract them for some reason? I want it to not happen again. I feel I need to watch out more often then I should.


It may be you, but not in a bad way, AP. Either she's a generally crappy person who would cheat on her partner, or there's a void in her current relationship which she's looking to fill (maybe both). She sees something in you that would fill that void; whatever she's missing, she sees that you give that to your GF, and she wants it. You're clearly a good man and a good partner, which a lot of unhappy partnered women see as missing in their lives, and that's why these women approach you. It's a sort of paradox; if you were the type of man who WOULD cheat on GF, these women wouldn't be interested...

As long as you maintain your boundaries and are clear in telling them to back off, you're good. Like JB said, you can't control the behavior of others; you can only control your behavior and reaction.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, seriously. What "friend" does that? - sheesh, especially after you've invited them into your home. GRRRR.


EXACTLY! Hence the quotation marks, but I think you got that


----------



## Lone Shadow

I think I'm just going to sit back and wait for AP to update us with his GF's response. 

Where's Michael? I need some popcorn, and I know that dead man stole it all.


----------



## Another Planet

Im going to try tonight when things settle down. It's a little more complicated then I have explained, GF's friend actually kind of works for her and was getting more involved with my GF's future plans and everything.....ugggh seriously why do people do this.

I keep trying to downplay it like it was nothing...which to me it was as it meant nothing to me, I get hit on always have I can brush it off. BUT when I think about how my GF might feel that is when it really bothers me. 
I am fairly certain my GF knows nothing would ever have happened ever with anyone, she knows how I feel and she knows I don't want more women to deal with getting in my way I want more money lol


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Im going to try tonight when things settle down. It's a little more complicated then I have explained, GF's friend actually kind of works for her and was getting more involved with my GF's future plans and everything.....ugggh seriously why do people do this.
> 
> I keep trying to downplay it like it was nothing...which to me it was as it meant nothing to me, I get hit on always have I can brush it off. BUT when I think about how my GF might feel that is when it really bothers me.
> I am fairly certain my GF knows nothing would ever have happened ever with anyone, she knows how I feel and she knows I don't want more women to deal with getting in my way I want more money lol


Even more of a reason to tell her... otherwise this woman will be intertwined with GF's future, and therefore your future, indefinitely. She needs to know.


----------



## Another Planet

And now she just told me she made her an administrator for another one of her groups today.....geezus cripes


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> And now she just told me she made her an administrator for another one of her groups today.....geezus cripes


You need to do this NOW.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Just tell your girlfriend what happened, facts only. Don't precursor it with anything to try and 'soften the blow'. All that's going to do is make it worse as you will then apply your own concerns about the situation to your girlfriends as well.

If this female friend of yours was intoxicated while she did this, and nothing else has come out of it, it's up to you to either see it for what it was or cut her out.

What's more important is how you feel about it and what you want to do about it. Figure that out, then bring it to your girlfriends attention. See what she says and thinks, then you both go from there.


----------



## unsure78

Agree with the others AP.... I had an ex out of the blue text me last month wanting to date me again. I told him that I was dating someone currently and then immediately told my bf about it. I know you have experienced this but transparency is important to a good relationship.

Hope all else is well AP.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Oh joy. You can do it AP. Not that you have much choice, but we have faith in you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Im going to try tonight when things settle down. It's a little more complicated then I have explained, GF's friend actually kind of works for her and was getting more involved with my GF's future plans and everything.....ugggh seriously why do people do this.
> 
> I keep trying to downplay it like it was nothing...which to me it was as it meant nothing to me, I get hit on always have I can brush it off. BUT when I think about how my GF might feel that is when it really bothers me.
> I am fairly certain my GF knows nothing would ever have happened ever with anyone, she knows how I feel and she knows I don't want more women to deal with getting in my way I want more money lol


STOP trying to downplay it. Geez, even my heart sunk when I read what happened, and I am not involved in any way. It doesnt matter WHO this woman is in your GF's life, what she did was WAY out of line!  Stop screwing around and TELL HER.


----------



## Lone Shadow

And maybe... tell this woman's husband while you're at it... ?


----------



## ne9907

I am off to Peru and Machu Picchu~ well, off to LA first and catch a plane


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> And maybe... tell this woman's husband while you're at it... ?


I agree in theory... but I would suggest, depending on how the GF wants to approach it, tell the "friend" that she has to tell her partner/spouse. If the "friend" doesn't do it, then either AP or GF is going to do it.

If the shoe was on the other foot, and my man was making the moves on another woman, I would want to know.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I agree in theory... but I would suggest, depending on how the GF wants to approach it, tell the "friend" that she has to tell her partner/spouse. If the "friend" doesn't do it, then either AP or GF is going to do it.
> 
> If the shoe was on the other foot, and my man was making the moves on another woman, I would want to know.


:iagree:


----------



## Another Planet

Told her this morning, I just told her I had something to talk to her about that I think she needs to know. And then I loaded the message up and gave her my phone.
Went as expected, not good. She isn't mad at me although she did say I opened the door by telling her that GF was passed out.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> Told her this morning, I just told her I had something to talk to her about that I think she needs to know. And then I loaded the message up and gave her my phone.
> Went as expected, not good. She isn't mad at me although she did say I opened the door by telling her that GF was passed out.


While its good that she isnt mad at you, saying you opened the door was unfair. Seems to me all you were trying to convey was that she was worn out from having a good time with everyone.


----------



## Another Planet

I don't blame her for being mad, honestly if I was counseling someone about that situation I would have pointed a finger also. I could have said less and been less friendly...I could have just said "good ill let my GF know you got home safe"...friend obviously already had predetermined ideas.
Its ok I know at least from my experience I can not have friends that are women, I can have associates that I keep at arms length but not friends...which sucks because I have to act like a **** to my GF's friends which is not my actually personality. I would rather be able to be a gentlemen and be nice and charming.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Another Planet said:


> I don't blame her for being mad, honestly if I was counseling someone about that situation I would have pointed a finger also. I could have said less and been less friendly...I could have just said "good ill let my GF know you got home safe"...friend obviously already had predetermined ideas.
> Its ok I know at least from my experience I can not have friends that are women, I can have associates that I keep at arms length but not friends...which sucks because I have to act like a **** to my GF's friends which is not my actually personality. I would rather be able to be a gentlemen and be nice and charming.


You dont have to be a d!ck. If you do that then her friends will be at her as to why she chooses to have such a d!ck as a boyfriend, and neither of you wants that. I obviously have no idea how nice and charming you really are to people, but just make sure you arent flirty and you should be ok. You have no control over her friends' behavior. 

That post made me sad, I have to admit. Why cant people just be faithful??


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> You dont have to be a d!ck. If you do that then her friends will be at her as to why she chooses to have such a d!ck as a boyfriend, and neither of you wants that. I obviously have no idea how nice and charming you really are to people, but just make sure you arent flirty and you should be ok. You have no control over her friends' behavior.
> 
> That post made me sad, I have to admit. Why cant people just be faithful??


:iagree:

You shouldn't have to act like something you're not because OTHER PEOPLE don't respect boundaries, and because THEY might act badly. 

And you didn't open any door! WTF? You said your GF was asleep. Does that mean that every time she's asleep that it's open season on AP??? No!!! You didn't open any door. Bullsh!t.


----------



## Another Planet

I don't know I was excited for my GF to have a healthy close friend that I could also be friends with. We will see the outcome. Honestly it sounds like they are working it out, nothing ever would have happened because it takes two and I'm not in to that ever so...


----------



## moxy

She's not a healthy friend, but a poacher. Good thing you were transparent. Your woman deserves better friends, and I hope she finds some.


----------



## vi_bride04

Set your gf straight, you didn't open any door to anything by saying she was passed out. Not even a crack. That's quite a stretch for her to say that IMO.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Another Planet said:


> Told her this morning, I just told her I had something to talk to her about that I think she needs to know. And then I loaded the message up and gave her my phone.
> Went as expected, not good. She isn't mad at me although she did say I opened the door by telling her that GF was passed out.


mmm, so if something unsavory happens, it can retroactively be blamed on something (anything) you said that could even remotely be construed as being out of line?

That sounds like hangover talk.


----------



## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> mmm, so if something unsavory happens, it can retroactively be blamed on something (anything) you said that could even remotely be construed as being out of line?
> 
> That sounds like hangover talk.


Or blameshifting


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> Or blameshifting


I was being generous.

It ends with having to walk on eggshells and trying to make clear the context of everything you say, qualification upon qualification...censoring oneself to the point where you cannot express any thought. I think it might be a lonely life.

One of the things I learned when I left an abusive relationship, was how nice it is not to have to censor one's smile or be on guard against all possible situations where one could be considered to have been encouraging or not discouraging enough. One's actual actions and good intentions should be enough in a relationship. And other people's behavior should speak for itself. I was with a guy who could turn any gesture, comment, or piece of clothing or behavior (taking a shower, not taking a shower, wearing something nice vs. not wearing something nice, wearing makeup vs. not, answering the phone vs. not) into how sexual I was being (with other people) or wanted to be...or how sexual I didn't want to be with him. Good grief, everything I did had some kind of intention attached to it by him. Enough of that. I'm sure even if I were to roll over and die I would be accused of coming on to a necrophiliac who may or may not be working at the funeral home. There would be no rest even when there is supposed to be a final rest. Good riddance to people who blame things on you when you are just being your normal self, given that normal self is sincere and not actually enticing someone deliberately.


By the way, my ex had friends who were cheating on their girlfriends and spouses...hiding things etc. from them as well. I think one's choice of friends does reveal the sort of person you are. The only generous thing I can say about that is it's a new friend of OP's girlfriend. So maybe 'friend' term is jumping the gun a bit.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> I don't know I was excited for my GF to have a healthy close friend that I could also be friends with. We will see the outcome. Honestly it sounds like they are working it out, nothing ever would have happened because it takes two and I'm not in to that ever so...


Trust me - your girlfriend is not going to forget this. She may be trying to let it boil over now, but it's gonna stick out in her mind. 

GOOD.

Maybe she said you opened the door because she was hurt and lashing out.

Dang and she just made her an admin. That chick is not a friend to her or your relationship. Friends don't try to jump on their friends' boyfriend's ****s in such a smarmy manner. That is so trashy.


----------



## Lone Shadow

We interrupt your regularly scheduled reading for some light humor...



Jellybeans said:


> *snip* jump on their *snip* boyfriend's ****s *snip*


I wish someone would jump on my **** for a while... le sigh.



....We now return you to your regularly scheduled reading.

:rofl:


----------



## TooNice

Been lurking a bit recently, but followed the responses to AP-I agree that total honesty was the way to go. and no, you didn't open any doors. Just my two pennies.

Met a guy over the weekend. Had a nice time with him the night we met and saw him again last night. Kind, accomplished, smart, great looking... I may be in trouble here. ;-)


----------



## Lone Shadow

I don't remember going out last ni... oh, great looking, I missed that part. Carry on.

Work conversation, discussing the amount of batsh!t crazy people being on the rise. I claimed to identify with the batsh!t crazies, but was told that I don't. Instead, I'm "aggressively independent."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> We interrupt your regularly scheduled reading for some light humor...
> 
> 
> I wish someone would jump on my **** for a while... le sigh.
> 
> 
> ....We now return you to your regularly scheduled reading.
> 
> :rofl:


Hmmm, well.. that IS the problem with staying away from women and relationships! Just sayin...


----------



## Lone Shadow

It most certainly is. Then again, maybe I could be more like RD, and just try to find some nubile lovely to go for a wagon ride. 

_Would you like to have a roll in ze hay? It's fun! Roll, roll, roll in ze hay._

Problem with that is, I think my personal standards are too high to allow me to do something like that. Ah well.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> It most certainly is. Then again, maybe I could be more like RD, and just try to find some nubile lovely to go for a wagon ride.
> 
> _Would you like to have a roll in ze hay? It's fun! Roll, roll, roll in ze hay._
> *
> Problem with that is, I think my personal standards are too high to allow me to do something like that.* Ah well.


Now THIS is what we ladies like to hear!


----------



## Lone Shadow

And that must be why I have been told that I am "catnip for women."

Still doesn't do anything for my lack of... umm... extracurricular activities.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> *And that must be why I have been told that I am "catnip for women."
> *
> Still doesn't do anything for my lack of... umm... extracurricular activities.


DUH... :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hey now. I may be a smart cookie, but I never claimed to be quick OR insightful. 


..or maybe I was just being funny? The world may never know. 

o.0


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> And that must be why I have been told that I am "catnip for women."
> 
> Still doesn't do anything for my lack of... umm... extracurricular activities.


That's probably not the only reason.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> That's probably not the only reason.



Oh my. 

I am quite certain that I know not of what you speak.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Oh my.
> 
> I am quite certain that I know not of what you speak.


You read too much into my post, sir. I was simply referring to your attention to how you dress and how you smell. Ladies love that.

ETA: No need to


----------



## Lone Shadow

My attention to how I dress? You must be referring to black slacks and brown sport jacket for court on Monday, yes? :rofl:

I really shouldn't have the power to dress myself. It can sometimes be rather embarrassing.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> My attention to how I dress? You must be referring to black slacks and brown sport jacket for court on Monday, yes? :rofl:
> 
> I really shouldn't have the power to dress myself. It can sometimes be rather embarrassing.


Oh, yes, that is EXACTLY what I was referring to... because women love a fixer-upper. :rofl:

You might not get it rig hr, but at least you care... that's what I was talking about 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm not a fixer-upper. I'm as fixed as fixed can get. Including the missing bits. They're missing for a reason.


----------



## FeministInPink

If you're wearing black slacks with a brown sports coat, you still have some fixin to do 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Fashion sense is one of the missing bits.

It just dawned on me that this is another one of those conversations that I seem to stumble into on this thread, in which I have absolutely no hope of coming out ahead. All I can do is square my shoulders and take my licks.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lone Shadow said:


> It just dawned on me that this is another one of those conversations that I seem to stumble into on this thread, in which I have absolutely no hope of coming out ahead. All I can do is square my shoulders and take my licks.


...


----------



## FeministInPink

Ha ha, I'm sure that your fashion sense is well intact, or rather--since I sense that you're hardly a slave to trends and fashion-it's more appropriate to say that I'm sure that your sense of style is well intact. You do have ZZ Top, after all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Of course. And what did we learn from ZZ Top class? 

Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

Doesn't mean fashionable, just means sharp. I can mismatch all I want to (or fail to notice anyway), and still pull it off. Sharp isn't about the clothes either though, it's about carriage. I can be wearing jeans and a ratty T-shirt and still be sharp simply because of how I carry myself.

And to the "guy" at the end of the bar, psst... your skinny jeans render your beard invalid.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hopeful Cynic said:


> ...


I saw the ellipses and started laughing. Then I saw the edit. I don't know what you had posted before editing, but the ellipses work just as well.

Dual purpose, questioning my intelligence, and my parentage. :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Of course. And what did we learn from ZZ Top class?
> 
> Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.
> 
> Doesn't mean fashionable, just means sharp. I can mismatch all I want to (or fail to notice anyway), and still pull it off. Sharp isn't about the clothes either though, it's about carriage. I can be wearing jeans and a ratty T-shirt and still be sharp simply because of how I carry myself.
> 
> And to the "guy" at the end of the bar, psst... your skinny jeans render your beard invalid.


But I don't imagine that you'd meet up with a lady friend wearing jeans and a ratty t-shirt. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

I suppose that's true enough. Every time I go out, even if it's just going to work, I get all dressed up like I'm going to WalMart.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I suppose that's true enough. Every time I go out, even if it's just going to work, I get all dressed up like I'm going to WalMart.


That could be... interesting...

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/People_of_Walmart
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Oh no. I'm not going down that rabbit hole. You know very well that my post was hyperbolic.


----------



## FeministInPink

Yes, I do... but it did make me laugh, to think of you dressed like the people of WalMart :rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

For shame!

That's ok. I'm proud of myself. I got to use "hyperbolic" in a sentence.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> For shame!
> 
> That's ok. I'm proud of myself. I got to use "hyperbolic" in a sentence.


I noticed that. Nice job 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

In other news, my boyfriend had himself a kick-a** surgeon and we are counting down the days til the gadget is as good as new, or better than new (dang catheter, they are bad news when you're in the neuro unit, all the patients tend to yank at the m if they get the chance.) 

And, boyfriend is turning out to be much hotter than when he was when I met him and started dating him. I guess he was working himself up to a stroke before, now he is pretty dang relaxed and it shows. I'm like hey now, I did not remember my BF being this hot, I'm pretty sure I was attracted to his personality and how we were when we were together, how he made me feel over all, not the window dressing as it was a little rough around the edges but the substance was all there...

Well, back to work. Just popping in while some code is running. Got a spanky new system running on the work front so not as much down time for surfing now. Takes me one day to do what it used to take three :-o Gotta love what happens after you fry a motherboard and a network card, they bring out the good stuff.

Oh, right, the surgeon called him cowboy, and told me that my BF wants to have sex again as soon as he can. Ummmm, no sh*t. But...cowboy? Really....I guess it's an admiring reference to getting back in the saddle after being rudely dumped on one's a** by life's little surprises. Trust me, anyone else would have given up, but that's why I fell for him. He's not like that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker, I love reading your updates... they warm my heart and make me smile. I'm just so happy for you


----------



## Lone Shadow

im so happy to hear the good news HNU. Congratulations to you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

I believe you handled it well AP, that was a great idea, to just load up the message and hand it over to your GF. 

As for her insinuating that you 'asked for it' by saying what you said, that's complete bullsh!t and if you believe that for a second, you're gonna have to give your head a shake.

You're well aware of what you 'meant' when you said it, and from what you've expressed here, there was nothing behind it other than verbally acknowledging an observation you had made. That being, you're girlfriend was passed out. 

Whatever anyone else does with that information; this friend of yours, your girlfriend or Baby Jesus ... is on them. Not you.

On the plus side, you're more than able to have friends who are female. All it takes is proper boundaries, and no one is perfect. Little things here and there do happen, that's called ... LIFE.

*gets off soapbox*


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez AP, I would have just laughed it away and enforce the friend zone. But then again, asking you to 'sneak out', that's pretty blatant...

Anyway, awaiting my mail so I can go RAM my fleshlight hehe


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm so glad I lost my 40' pole. Now I have absolutely no reason to touch that post RD.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I'm so glad I lost my 40' pole. Now I have absolutely no reason to touch that post RD.


:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> :rofl:


I'm surprised you didn't offer yours, since you saw fit to laugh. Does that mean you're going to handle it?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I'm surprised you didn't offer yours, since you saw fit to laugh. Does that mean you're going to handle it?


I don't have a 40-foot pole, so... but I am glad to know that RD is taking out advice, and is looking for other... outlets. To keep himself away from the women for a little while.

I didn't really need to know what that outlet was, exactly, but... oh, well, this IS a safe space.

I was laughing at YOUR post... I thought there wasn't any topic that you wouldn't take on, but I guess I was wrong


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I thought there wasn't any topic that you wouldn't take on, but I guess I was wrong


:iagree: Challenge accepted.





Hey RD! If you mix the fire and ice lube together, you'll love it! Oh, and run some hot water through it first to warm it up. :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> :iagree: Challenge accepted.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hey RD! If you mix the fire and ice lube together, you'll love it! Oh, and run some hot water through it first to warm it up. :smthumbup:


I suppose I shouldn't ask how you know that?

:rofl:


RD actually did post another thread for feedback on the fleshlight in the Men's Clubhouse... that was an interesting thread, to say the least. It was very... educational.


----------



## Lone Shadow

KY fire&ice is a nice combination, from experience with.. hmm.. Chantilly Lace. The hot water just makes sense.


I saw the thread, but didn't read it because of the title. Not at work. Oh no.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I suppose I shouldn't ask how you know that?
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> 
> RD actually did post another thread for feedback on the fleshlight in the Men's Clubhouse... that was an interesting thread, to say the least. It was very... educational.


I'm guessing I should not read that one at work??


----------



## Lone Shadow

Don't know. Ask FiP. All I know is that I haven't read it because of the title. Just like I stay out of certain subforums at work because of the forum title.


----------



## FeministInPink

It might be a little NSFW, depending on your work's policies. No pictures or anything, but considering the topic, I would say stay away on a work PC. The links posted therein are definitely NSFW.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Is it Friday yet?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Is it Friday yet?


I wish... I can't wait for this particular week to be done


----------



## SamuraiJack

RandomDude said:


> Sheez AP, I would have just laughed it away and enforce the friend zone. But then again, asking you to 'sneak out', that's pretty blatant...
> 
> Anyway, awaiting my mail so I can go RAM my fleshlight hehe


I see the beginning of a beautiful friendship...


----------



## Lone Shadow

Last weekend, starting Friday..

My mom came into town to stay the weekend and watch the child-things for me because I had a class to attend on Sat/Sun. Friday evening, I went to a friend's house for a backyard bbq. Turns out that 3 or 4 of the wives got together and decided to meddle. That's right, I walked into a setup.

My initial reaction was to play nice, be polite, don't offend. They're just "being helpful" because they're tired of me contributing to their husbands' delinquency. Anyway. So here I am playing nice, pretending to enjoy this young lady's company, and next thing I know, I'm actually enjoying this young lady's company.

We got together yesterday after work for a (very brief) coffee, and have made plans to attend a wine tasting this coming Saturday.

....I would say I'm not sure how I _feel_ about this, but I'll get sh!t about not feeling anything because I'm an INTJ, so I'll just say that I'm not sure what to _think_ about it instead.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Oh yeah. It's also time to get serious about hiring a live-in nanny. My older (24) sitter has also this past weekend announced her intentions and declared her love for me. 

/wrists


----------



## SamuraiJack

although Im wondering what type of greeting he will give his mail carrier....










THE MAIL IS HERE!!!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So it seems that when a man tells you that he isnt ready for a relationship, he is lying his ass off, because what he really means is that he doesnt want YOU....

Freaking cowards....


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ruh roh


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

That's not exclusive to men.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Lone Shadow said:


> Oh yeah. It's also time to get serious about hiring a live-in nanny. My older (24) sitter has also this past weekend announced her intentions and declared her love for me.
> 
> /wrists


Oh my!! 

Great news about the date!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Not so much a date, as just trying to be more social.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> That's not exclusive to men.


No, I would not assume it was, but I have a suspicion that men tend to pull this one more than women do. 

If you arent feeling an urge to be exclusive with someone, for whatever reason, then just be honest. Just say "hey, I've enjoyed getting to know you but I am only getting a friend-vibe between us, so I just dont see us going any further than that". Or something similar. HOW HARD is that?? That way if you really DO want to find a relationship then you arent LYING. You dont have to be a d!ck, just dont lie. 

I was seeing someone a short time ago, at the very end of September I got this big speech about how he cherished his independence, how he didnt want someone there to take care of him, or to answer to, blah blah blah...He just started an exclusive relationship in January. It hurts because I actually did believe him when he told me that stuff. 

So yeah...vent over.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I've gotten that exact same speech with the exact same outcome only a week later before 3x. It's cowardly for either sex.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

3Xnocharm said:


> No, I would not assume it was, but I have a suspicion that men tend to pull this one more than women do.


I've heard it a number of times. There's a large variety of these "soft" let downs. It's an effort to avoid overtly rejecting someone, and yeah it is pretty cowardly in a way. But women do it a ton. Just think... which sex is probably most concerned with not appearing to hurt anyone's feelings? 



3Xnocharm said:


> If you arent feeling an urge to be exclusive with someone, for whatever reason, then just be honest. Just say "hey, I've enjoyed getting to know you but I am only getting a friend-vibe between us, so I just dont see us going any further than that". Or something similar. HOW HARD is that?? That way if you really DO want to find a relationship then you arent LYING. You dont have to be a d!ck, just dont lie.


Very true. Some people don't have that language or still can't summon the bravery to express a judgment of someone, which this still is. TBH though, the whole process sucks. I usually say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it", or have said I'm not looking for something serious up front. Doesn't make anyone feel better.



3Xnocharm said:


> I was seeing someone a short time ago, at the very end of September I got this big speech about how he cherished his independence, how he didnt want someone there to take care of him, or to answer to, blah blah blah...He just started an exclusive relationship in January. It hurts because I actually did believe him when he told me that stuff.


I understand you're upset, and that's natural. It is 4 months later though, a lot can change. Doesn't mean he was necessarily lying. When the right person walks into your life, a lot of your ideas can change.

I had a habit of telling women I wasn't looking for something serious and I'm just seeing where things go and enjoying life. Entirely true. Some would come and go... and then one would come along and booom... I want something serious.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> So it seems that when a man tells you that he isnt ready for a relationship, he is lying his ass off, because what he really means is that he doesnt want YOU....
> 
> Freaking cowards....


Eh, I don't know. I recently said this to someone and I really do not want a full blown relationship with anyone. I don't have time. My life is too busy to accomodate an entire relationship, especially of the serious kind. I'm not there on my journey yet. He seemed to require and want a lot of time and it was driving me out of my mind and making me feel pressured. A funny thing happens to some of us who've gotten used to being single/alone -- anything else starts to feel weird. I don't want someone spending every night in my bed. I want them to go home. (And vice versa). I don't want one of the only "me" days I have to myself have to be automatically spent with someone. It feels claustrophobic.

With that said, yeah, if anyone says this to me it probably means we're not a good fit if I am wanting more than they do.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Not so much a date, as just trying to be more social.


As this is the Singles thread, where everyone discusses their adventures in dating, it tends to be assumed that any mention of a one-on-one activity with a member of the opposite sex is, in fact, a date.


----------



## Jellybeans

You still owe me a date, FIP. 

Oh and 3x, I am not discounting your feelings at all. I think that sucks cause I know you really liked him. Seems you were not on the same page. Did you get a vibe from him that he wasn't as invested or was it a blindside from him completely? Since he is going exclusive with someone now, I'd forget about him. You seemed ready, he wasn't, so it was a fundamental difference. I'm sorry. I don't know that guy or what was in his head but just want to post to you from my POV and a situation where I said that. You will meet someone else after that dude. Promise.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> So it seems that when a man tells you that he isnt ready for a relationship, he is lying his ass off, because what he really means is that he doesnt want YOU....
> 
> Freaking cowards....


Eh, I don't know. I said this to someone and I really do not feel like I am ready for a full blown relationship with anyone. I don't have time. My life is too busy to accomodate an entire relationship, especially of the serious kind. I'm not there on my journey yet. He seemed to require and want a lot of time and it was driving me out of my mind and making me feel pressured. A funny thing happens to some of us who've gotten used to being single/alone -- anything else starts to feel weird. I don't want someone spending every night in my bed. I want them to go home. I don't want one of the only "me" days I have to myself have to be automatically spent with someone. It feels claustrophobic.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

JB, I think the frustration she had was being given the "I'm not ready for relationship" line and then they're quickly in one. Although I do get DevilsAdvocate's point that a lot COULD change in someone's mind in 4 months.


----------



## moxy

3Xnocharm said:


> So it seems that when a man tells you that he isnt ready for a relationship, he is lying his ass off, because what he really means is that he doesnt want YOU....
> 
> Freaking cowards....



Oh, no.


----------



## Jellybeans

Ok, something totally trippy happened. 

My second post up there I actually typed first... and minutes apart from t he second one. WTF? It posted them backwards for some reason? Weird.



TheGoodGuy said:


> JB, I think the frustration she had was being given the "I'm not ready for relationship" line and then they're quickly in one. Although I do get DevilsAdvocate's point that a lot COULD change in someone's mind in 4 months.


Understood. That's why I was asking 3x if she got a vibe from him that he wasn't super serious about it. If he sold himself as being super into it and wanting exclusivity and then backed out of it, then yeah that is a dlck move. I always think in dating that unless the exclusive talk happens, then it's still casual/dating. In my case I just said I don't want a relationship. And it's not person-specific. It's just in general, I do not feel like devoting myself to anything exclusive because I am not in any way wanting that.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> As this is the Singles thread, where everyone discusses their adventures in dating, it tends to be assumed that any mention of a one-on-one activity with a member of the opposite sex is, in fact, a date.


I actually am involved in a relationship currently. It's fairly serious, and we're getting along famously. 

Usually when considering a relationship prospect, you're happy to find someone reading from the same book you are. This individual and I actually seem to be reading from the same paragraph. If not the same sentence.

And who is this wonderful person that I'm involved with?

_.....drumroll....._

Me. That's right. I'm involved in a fairly serious relationship with myself. And I. We feed off each others egos very well. We understand each other. Never any doubt, trust issues, or insecurities. No residual jealousy from past relationships. We're amazing together.:rofl:

Although at first I didn't think I was ready for a committed relationship, it seems like I just had to keep an eye out for the right person to come along.:smthumbup:


The best part? I'm not a bed hog, and don't steal all of the blankets in the middle of the night.


----------



## RandomDude

Still waiting for the fleshlight... but well, I went out tonight, I didn't want to cancel the stuff I had planned already, and got several upcoming dates and potential dates (don't hit me! It just happened >.<). But they will be the last batch... for now at least.

I'm just too sexy!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I knew I shouldn't have given you my recipe for female catnip.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow, a committed relationship with one's self is the best kind. Always remember to treat him with love and compassion, and never take him for granted.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Oh yeah. It's also time to get serious about hiring a live-in nanny. My older (24) sitter has also this past weekend announced her intentions and declared her love for me.
> 
> /wrists


That seems rash. So you're a nice attractive guy who takes good care of his kids. And she's not supposed to fall in love with you? What's gonna happen when the live-in falls in love with you and you want to date? Or bring a date home? :-|

I think it's better to help the 24 year old out of her growing pains and get her to transfer the love she feels for you into more appropriate channels...vs pretty much telling her that love is a bad thing overall and will get you fired and that the person you love is a tool who could care less, just wants you to go away entirely from his life and his kids life because he can't deal with it. She's not stalking you, she's just giving you information...be careful. You could really mess her over just dismissing her. After all she's your neighbor. A crush is pretty normal. Be nice! Doesn't mean you have to love her back, but you could be, like caring and give her a chance to deal with things and you guys could work through it. You are the more experienced adult here. So you're setting the stage for how she would approach things like this in the future, when they come up in her own life. Yes, you kinda sorta have to parent your neighbor's kids, especially when they are working in your own house. I did the same for my younger nannies, and my 'family' did the same thing for me when I was a nanny. Nannies are a special class of family...


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That seems rash. So you're a nice attractive guy who takes good care of his kids. And she's not supposed to fall in love with you? What's gonna happen when the live-in falls in love with you and you want to date? Or bring a date home? :-|
> 
> I think it's better to help the 24 year old out of her growing pains and get her to transfer the love she feels for you into more appropriate channels...vs pretty much telling her that love is a bad thing overall and will get you fired and that the person you love is a tool who could care less, just wants you to go away entirely from his life and his kids life because he can't deal with it. She's not stalking you, she's just giving you information...be careful. You could really mess her over just dismissing her. After all she's your neighbor. A crush is pretty normal. Be nice! Doesn't mean you have to love her back, but you could be, like caring and give her a chance to deal with things and you guys could work through it. You are the more experienced adult here. So you're setting the stage for how she would approach things like this in the future, when they come up in her own life. Yes, you kinda sorta have to parent your neighbor's kids, especially when they are working in your own house. I did the same for my younger nannies, and my 'family' did the same thing for me when I was a nanny. Nannies are a special class of family...


:iagree:

If she persists in schemes pursuing you, then you have an issue. But now that you've sufficiently crushed any hopes of her being with you, hopefully she will deal with it, and the feelings will fade over time, and both of you will move on from this. 

It's only a problem if 1) she continues to bring it up, or 2) you take advantage of it. Clearly, the second isn't going to happen. If she continues to press, you can tell her it's sexual harassment. (The initial ask/profession isn't harassment, it's the continual behavior that is.) And if she doesn't stop, you'll have to let her go and won't be able to give her a good job reference.

(The second para was sort of tongue in cheek, but sort of serious.)


----------



## SamuraiJack

Lone Shadow said:


> I knew I shouldn't have given you my recipe for female catnip.


Can you pass that my way?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That seems rash. So you're a nice attractive guy who takes good care of his kids. And she's not supposed to fall in love with you? What's gonna happen when the live-in falls in love with you and you want to date? Or bring a date home? :-|
> 
> I think it's better to help the 24 year old out of her growing pains and get her to transfer the love she feels for you into more appropriate channels...vs pretty much telling her that love is a bad thing overall and will get you fired and that the person you love is a tool who could care less, just wants you to go away entirely from his life and his kids life because he can't deal with it. *She's not stalking you, she's just giving you information...be careful.* You could really mess her over just dismissing her. After all she's your neighbor. A crush is pretty normal. Be nice! Doesn't mean you have to love her back, but you could be, like caring and give her a chance to deal with things and you guys could work through it. You are the more experienced adult here. So you're setting the stage for how she would approach things like this in the future, when they come up in her own life. Yes, you kinda sorta have to parent your neighbor's kids, especially when they are working in your own house. I did the same for my younger nannies, and my 'family' did the same thing for me when I was a nanny. Nannies are a special class of family...


She brings it up every day, multiple times throughout the day, via text. It's not stalking behavior yet (though it could be considered borderline), but it definitely falls well within the realm of harassment, and I'm not being overly sensitive in my judgement of that.

In addition to bringing it up every day, even though my demeanor hasn't changed, she is projecting her misery onto me, and is telling me that I look miserable all the time now, and that I need to smile more. 

She came over the other morning so I could leave for work. I greet her when she walks in, but I'm still getting myself together so I can leave. She didn't respond, but I wasn't sure if I had been loud enough for her to hear me in the first place. So I greet her again. She returns the greeting, and I leave for work 2 minutes later.

15 minutes after I walk out the door, I get a novel of a text from her, in which she says, and I quote - I'm sorry I was so standoffish this morning. I was just afraid that I would grab you and do something rash. -- I get home from work, and before I've been in the door 2 minutes, she's bringing it up. Wants to know how I interpreted that text. So I say "There are so many different ways that could be interpreted, why don't you tell me what you actually meant, and we'll leave it at that." According to her, "something rash" is nothing more than a hug. I don't know if I buy that, but that's where I'm leaving it.

Yeah. 

This is a situation that I'm not prepared to handle, I have no experience handling, and don't have the time or energy to handle properly. And again, she brings it up every single day.


Is it really asking or expecting too much of people to keep a professional relationship at a professional level?


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, Jeezus. I didn't realize it had escalated to that point.

Ok, you need to tell her that this behavior is sexual harassment, and she needs to stop or you will terminate her employment.

And you can tell her you look miserable because she won't shut up about it. Ok, maybe don't do that , but you can think it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

And ... how many professional jobs has she had? Not many, I'm guessing. She just might be dense enough not to realize how unprofessional she is being.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Hey, you want me to sit her down and set her straight? j/k 

But seriously, I'm really good at that sort of thing 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

SamuraiJack said:


> Can you pass that my way?


I don't think you want it. It seems more trouble than it's worth.



FiP-
I don't look miserable though. That is 100% projection from her. I have always conducted myself in a professional manner, with a professional attitude, with both sitters. The only time that I have even _ever_ touched her, was shaking her hand.. when I met her and her family FIVE years ago.

HNU-
Also this:


> but you could be, like caring and give her a chance to deal with things and you guys could work through it.


It is my honest belief that "caring" would be a bad thing. From the way she has conducted herself recently, I believe that anything less than perfect professionalism on my part would do nothing but encourage her.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Hey, you want me to sit her down and set her straight? j/k
> 
> But seriously, I'm really good at that sort of thing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I might take you up on that offer.


----------



## FeministInPink

Just say the word, friend.

I'm sure you don't look miserable. I know you know how to keep a straight face when necessary. If she's projecting, there's no reason you can't reflect it back on her. At least mentally. 

If a I had to deal wi th that every time I saw someone, I would have a hard time keeping a straight face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SamuraiJack

Lone Shadow said:


> I don't think you want it. It seems more trouble than it's worth.
> 
> 
> 
> FiP-
> I don't look miserable though. That is 100% projection from her. I have always conducted myself in a professional manner, with a professional attitude, with both sitters. The only time that I have even _ever_ touched her, was shaking her hand.. when I met her and her family FIVE years ago.
> 
> HNU-
> Also this:
> 
> It is my honest belief that "caring" would be a bad thing. From the way she has conducted herself recently, I believe that anything less than perfect professionalism on my part would do nothing but encourage her.


Its okay...I like to live dangerously...

In all seriousness, she has really blurred the lines between employer and employee and I wouldnt be a bit surprised if this eventually led to some type of legal action.

To put this into perspective, take the interactions you had with her being standoffish and pretend you were in an office and she was your assistant.
Would you actually allow this to happen or continue?

Sure the attention is nice and flattering...but she has crossed the line.
Talks arent going to help because she will see it as individualized attention...possibly even misinterpret it to mean you want her to step it up.

Face it man...you need to let her go...otherwise this is going to turn into a very badly written Lifetime Channel Movie.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yep, I know I need to let her go. I'm collecting candidate lists and will begin interviewing shortly. Problem is though, I can't let her go until I have a replacement. Without a replacement ready to step in, I have no one to watch the kids, and then I won't be able to go to work.

I have already told her in writing (text counts, yes?) that her behavior/comments are inappropriate. 

I'm not an attention wh*re. The attention isn't nice or flattering. It's very much definitely unwelcome. I can't express it any clearer to her than I already have.



> Talks arent going to help because she will see it as individualized attention...possibly even misinterpret it to mean you want her to step it up.


This is another thing that I'm afraid of. 

Trust me SJ, I may have underestimated her emotional investment before now, because for the most part she kept it bottled, but I am one person who doesn't need most things put into perspective. A different point of view helps sometimes, but we've got the same viewpoint on this one.


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn, Lone Shadow, that girl sounds like my 26 yr old sister and how she acts with guys. Sorry you are dealing with a crazy, but that's what she is. 

No self worth and needs attention = crazy emotional behavior


----------



## Lone Shadow

My can't be ex fast enough wife has filled my lifetime quota for crazy. I don't need any more. 

More than happy to share the crazy if anyone is feeling below quota...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> My can't be ex fast enough wife has filled my lifetime quota for crazy. I don't need any more.
> 
> More than happy to share the crazy if anyone is feeling below quota...


Usually, my line is: show me a crazy woman, and I'll show you a man who made her that way. A man who says all his exes are crazy either has a bad picker that hones in on crazy, or he makes them crazy through his bullsh!t behavior.

But that clearly doesn't apply in your case. Your CBXFEW is legits crazy, which has nothing to do with you.

But you already know that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Agree with you, FIP! I swear I get angry every time I read LS's thread!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Agree with you, FIP! I swear I get angry every time I read LS's thread!


The solution to that would be to save yourself the anger, and stop reading the thread. Of course, I would never presume to tell someone else what to do.:smthumbup:

My picker might not be perfect, but I don't think it's bad. Granted, she may have had underlying crazy, but it was the trauma that unleashed it. She may have remained perfectly sane (for a woman ) if the trauma had never happened.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> The solution to that would be to save yourself the anger, and stop reading the thread. Of course, I would never presume to tell someone else what to do.:smthumbup:


Nah, I HAVE to read the thread! I am emotionally invested now, and rooting for you! lol!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hey hey hey! Check that sh!t at the door. I don't need any more emotionally invested females in my life at the moment, tyvm.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lone Shadow said:


> Hey hey hey! Check that sh!t at the door. I don't need any more emotionally invested females in my life at the moment, tyvm.


Hey now, ease up there, Skippy! I'm invested in your STORY, not the rest of ya, LOL!


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Hey now, ease up there, Skippy! I'm invested in your STORY, not the rest of ya, LOL!


???

Let me just... Ah!... That's better. I had to superglue closed the gaping wound you just inflicted upon my heart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> She brings it up every day, multiple times throughout the day, via text. It's not stalking behavior yet (though it could be considered borderline), but it definitely falls well within the realm of harassment, and I'm not being overly sensitive in my judgement of that.
> 
> In addition to bringing it up every day, even though my demeanor hasn't changed, she is projecting her misery onto me, and is telling me that I look miserable all the time now, and that I need to smile more.
> 
> She came over the other morning so I could leave for work. I greet her when she walks in, but I'm still getting myself together so I can leave. She didn't respond, but I wasn't sure if I had been loud enough for her to hear me in the first place. So I greet her again. She returns the greeting, and I leave for work 2 minutes later.
> 
> 15 minutes after I walk out the door, I get a novel of a text from her, in which she says, and I quote - I'm sorry I was so standoffish this morning. I was just afraid that I would grab you and do something rash. -- I get home from work, and before I've been in the door 2 minutes, she's bringing it up. Wants to know how I interpreted that text. So I say "There are so many different ways that could be interpreted, why don't you tell me what you actually meant, and we'll leave it at that." According to her, "something rash" is nothing more than a hug. I don't know if I buy that, but that's where I'm leaving it.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> This is a situation that I'm not prepared to handle, I have no experience handling, and don't have the time or energy to handle properly. And again, she brings it up every single day.
> 
> 
> Is it really asking or expecting too much of people to keep a professional relationship at a professional level?


Hindsight's 20-20 but you should have told her at the start, no texting. Obviously she has impulse control with the texting thing. You should probably tell her that you cannot continue to have her work for you unless she gets a grip on herself. Tell her there are professionals she can turn to, i.e. counselors for times when her emotions and impulses are getting in the way of her work and life opportunities, i.e. education, relationships with neighbors or friends' boyfriends/husbands, etc. You should give her a time frame, 2 weeks, during which you hope that her behavior will improve, because it's not okay for you to feel uncomfortable in your own house when she's there. Put a stop to the texting immediately. Aren't there apps for that?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

LS, the correct reply is that yah, you look miserable because you are miserable, because your sitter upon whom you rely to watch your kids is not going to work out after all cause she has a thing for you and this thing she has for you is ruining your home life. Just say no. It's okay to be a little mean, but understand, she is going to go nuts on you when you draw the line, because now her secret world of crush and love has had so much time to develop.

Different people need different forms of communication to understand reality. 

As for your kids...don't you have any vacation time saved up, or aren't there after school programs? 

How about your MOM???? I'm sure if you tell her what the problem is, she'll come and set everything straight. There is nothing more serious or frightening to a woman than a guy's Mom telling you to get lost.


----------



## Lone Shadow

HNU, I'm not sure I follow when you ask about time off and after school activities. If it was in an effort to help me consider a way to eliminate the need for a sitter, it won't work. My schedule rotates weekly, to include working overnights. That's why I have sitters vice a conventional daycare. 

I spoke with my sitter this evening when I got home. I told her that I wasn't dismissing or minimizing her feelings, that a person can't control how they feel. I told her that if she had left things alone after Thursday (her declaration), that everything would be fine, but that bringing it up every day is very inappropriate. I told her not to text me anymore. If she needs to get in touch with me concerning the children, I will either be in the car and unable to read or respond to a text, or I would already be at work, in which case my cell is in the car anyway. Either call my cell, or call my office if you need me, but no more texting. Finally, I reminded her that we have a professional working relationship, that there will not be anything more than that, and if it continues to be a problem I will have to find someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Lone Shadow said:


> Oh yeah. It's also time to get serious about hiring a live-in nanny. My older (24) sitter has also this past weekend announced her intentions and declared her love for me. /wrists





Lone Shadow said:


> She brings it up every day, multiple times throughout the day, via text.
> 
> In addition to bringing it up every day, even though my demeanor hasn't changed, she is projecting her misery onto me, and is telling me that I look miserable all the time now, and that I need to smile more.
> 
> 15 minutes after I walk out the door, I get a novel of a text from her, in which she says, and I quote - I'm sorry I was so standoffish this morning. *I was just afraid that I would grab you and do something rash*. -- I get home from work, and before I've been in the door 2 minutes, she's bringing it up. Wants to know how I interpreted that text. So I say "There are so many different ways that could be interpreted, why don't you tell me what you actually meant, and we'll leave it at that." *According to her, "something rash" is nothing more than a hug. *I don't know if I buy that, but that's where I'm leaving it.


"Something rash" translation: I want to jump your bones. 

She was feeling you out to see what you thought about it cause she prob felt stupid that you didn't take the bait. So when you asked her what she meant, she played it all coy saying she meant a hug only.

She did not mean a hug only. 

That sounds like a crazy situation especially if she is in your home every day sitting for your kids. Oy. No bueno.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Jellybeans said:


> "Something rash" translation: I want to jump your bones.
> 
> She was feeling you out to see what you thought about it cause she prob felt stupid that you didn't take the bait. So when you asked her what she meant, she played it all coy saying she meant a hug only.
> 
> She did not mean a hug only.
> 
> That sounds like a crazy situation especially if she is in your home every day sitting for your kids. Oy. No bueno.


Normally I would agree with you JB, but in this instance I'm not so sure. She has had a very sheltered, old school upbringing. I went over to their house once to speak with her dad about something, and she ran off to change her shirt because, even though it had sleeves, she felt that it showed too much arm to be modest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Normally I would agree with you JB, but in this instance I'm not so sure. She has had a very sheltered, old school upbringing. I went over to their house once to speak with her dad about something, and she ran off to change her shirt because, even though it had sleeves, she felt that it showed too much arm to be modest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is really old-school!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> That is really old-school!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. 

Though I will admit, after reading that text, I went where JB did. Thinking "wtf, is she going to try to rape me in my sleep?!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Yeah.
> 
> Though I will admit, after reading that text, I went where JB did. Thinking "wtf, is she going to try to rape me in my sleep?!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't think that, but I thought that she might be wanting to grab you and plant one on you, so she could release the passion for her which she is so certain you've repressed


----------



## FeministInPink

I have an exciting Friday night planned here... Grey's Anatomy and Scandal on Hulu, and pizza. Best night ever!

ETA: I'm such a party animal :lol:


----------



## RandomDude

Fking government, first they piss me off enough with taxes and now they want to charge me $55 because I simply insist on not voting. Every fking election they charge me, now sure, I can always vote, just like everyone else, cram myself in line full of 200+ people all day and waste a day when I can do so much better stuff with my kid.

FKING GOVERNMENT...

/end vent
Nevermind me, just annoyed

EDIT: Nevermind... *sigh* was a small queue as I drove past, voted, and got a number too while at it. That makes 8+1 numbers in 2 days. FK THE GOVERNMENT!


----------



## coffee4me

Nicely said! You have a way with words RD.


----------



## RandomDude

I try...

... but I'm still pissed off at the government forcing me to vote again. At least this time traffic was less and parking was easier. Don't have to waste a Saturday with my daughter, going to take the boat out before it gets too dark.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> I try...
> 
> ... but I'm still pissed off at the government forcing me to vote again. At least this time traffic was less and parking was easier. Don't have to waste a Saturday with my daughter, going to take the boat out before it gets too dark.


I've never understood why people don't want to vote. Voting is a privilege. Exercise your privileges. 

If you didn't vote, you're part of the problem. Also, if you didn't vote, you have no room to b!tch if you don't like the direction your government is going.

Eta: Collective "you." Not you specifically RD. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

LS, how did the love struck sitter respond to your talk re: boundaries?


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I've never understood why people don't want to vote. Voting is a privilege. Exercise your privileges.
> 
> If you didn't vote, you're part of the problem. Also, if you didn't vote, you have no room to b!tch if you don't like the direction your government is going.
> 
> Eta: Collective "you." Not you specifically RD.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree, in theory. And I always exercise my right to vote.

However, where I live the voter base is overwhelmingly Democrat. Something like 90%. And we have a very high voter turnout rate. So the election results are always very predictable... and my vote didn't make one whit of difference. In fact, you could take out 50% of the ballots who votes democrat, and the outcome would be the same. Makes for very boring elections.

Oh, and I have no voting representation in Congress... and no matter how much I exercise MY right to vote, that will never matter or change anything.

So, essentially, my vote means nothing.


----------



## Lone Shadow

TheGoodGuy said:


> LS, how did the love struck sitter respond to your talk re: boundaries?


I spoke to her out on the front porch, so that children would not be a distraction. She was sitting on the porch steps, I was standing at the bottom of the steps. After I finished, and when it was apparent that she had nothing to add, I went back inside. She sat there for a couple more minutes before following me in. I let her have her space to collect herself, basically pretending she wasn't there while I was playing with my daughter. After about 20 minutes, she got up from the couch and was preparing to leave, when her little brother came over on a "mission from mom" to bring her home. I reminded her of my schedule for next week, and she left. 

So far, no texts today. It's... Relaxing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Voting doesn't make much of a difference when our politicians on both sides are bought out and seriously influenced by corporations. Big business owns our government, not the people.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Voting doesn't make much of a difference when our politicians on both sides are bought out and seriously influenced by corporations. Big business owns our government, not the people.


Unfortunately, yes


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I spoke to her out on the front porch, so that children would not be a distraction. She was sitting on the porch steps, I was standing at the bottom of the steps. After I finished, and when it was apparent that she had nothing to add, I went back inside. She sat there for a couple more minutes before following me in. I let her have her space to collect herself, basically pretending she wasn't there while I was playing with my daughter. After about 20 minutes, she got up from the couch and was preparing to leave, when her little brother came over on a "mission from mom" to bring her home. I reminded her of my schedule for next week, and she left.
> 
> *So far, no texts today. It's... Relaxing.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I especially like this part.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I agree, in theory. And I always exercise my right to vote.
> 
> However, where I live the voter base is overwhelmingly Democrat. Something like 90%. And we have a very high voter turnout rate. So the election results are always very predictable... and my vote didn't make one whit of difference. In fact, you could take out 50% of the ballots who votes democrat, and the outcome would be the same. Makes for very boring elections.
> 
> Oh, and I have no voting representation in Congress... and no matter how much I exercise MY right to vote, that will never matter or change anything.
> 
> So, essentially, my vote means nothing.


You live in the District. Taxation without representation. It even says so on DC license plates. I agree with both you and VI in that it doesn't make a difference when both sides are bought. We need more than 2 parties, and we need to exercise our constitutional right to impose term limits for congress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I especially like this part.


Me too. 

There will be no wine festival today. My sitter for the day (different sitter) flaked. Oh well. There will be another one. Virginia loves her wine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> You live in the District. Taxation without representation. It even says so on DC license plates. I agree with both you and VI in that it doesn't make a difference when both sides are bought. We need more than 2 parties, and we need to exercise our constitutional right to impose term limits for congress.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes! So not only am I a second-class citizen, I also get to pay astronomically high rent for the privilege. :lol:

I've always been a fan of the preferential voting method/system. The voting system we have in place is set up specifically to discourage/disenfranchise anything beyond 2 parties.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Yes! So not only am I a second-class citizen, I also get to pay astronomically high rent for the privilege. :lol:
> 
> I've always been a fan of the preferential voting method/system. The voting system we have in place is set up specifically to discourage/disenfranchise anything beyond 2 parties.


We could fix it all. Public office needs to go back to being an obligation instead of an aspiration. Also, you should not be able to leave public office with a higher net worth than you had when you entered. Healthcare for life? Sure. Give them tricare. It's good enough for our military, it's good enough for congress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

I am posting this to show Lone Shadow that he did not, in fact, kill the thread.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I am posting this to show Lone Shadow that he did not, in fact, kill the thread.


C'est la vie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

The problem I have with the system in my country is that no candidates interest me, should be able to abstain. 

Anyway politics aside, going out today after lunch with my ex and daughter. Going to test the waters in ex's department too, just to see where we are all at. Think my brain is a little fried having a little too many ladies to handle this week, as for the new ones I met, 2 dates confirmed next week, going to let the other 7 go unless they contact me; only interested in one from Friday and from yesterday.

But they'll probably all flop and my fleshlight will arrive.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> The problem I have with the system in my country is that no candidates interest me, should be able to abstain.
> 
> Anyway politics aside, going out today after lunch with my ex and daughter. Going to test the waters in ex's department too, just to see where we are all at. Think my brain is a little fried having a little too many ladies to handle this week, as for the new ones I met, 2 dates confirmed next week, going to let the other 7 go unless they contact me; only interested in one from Friday and from yesterday.
> 
> But they'll probably all flop and my fleshlight will arrive.


Best of luck with the dates. But beware testing waters with the ex unless you're willing to have a go at something long term with her. To do anything less would be unfair to your children, if you and she do get re entangled.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Best of luck with the dates. But beware testing waters with the ex unless you're willing to have a go at something long term with her. To do anything less would be unfair to your children, if you and she do get re entangled.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think he's talking about ex-wife, not ex-GF.

ETA: And not about any entanglement, just to see how their almost-divorced interaction stands.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> I think he's talking about ex-wife, not ex-GF.
> 
> ETA: And not about any entanglement, just to see how their almost-divorced interaction stands.


I figured ex wife. That's why I mentioned childrens. 

Hmm. Divorced interactions... I've told you before woman, if you have something to say to me, send me an email.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I figured ex wife. That's why I mentioned childrens.
> 
> Hmm. Divorced interactions... I've told you before woman, if you have something to say to me, send me an email.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah... I mis-read that part. Whoops!

My understanding is that RD's post-split relationship with the ex is quite civil.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Ah... I mis-read that part. Whoops!
> 
> My understanding is that RD's post-split relationship with the ex is quite civil.


That's good. I wouldn't wish BM on anyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Not even the POSOM? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Not even the POSOM?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok. They're perfect for each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Ok. They're perfect for each other.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My thoughts EXACTLY.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Ex and I are dead when it comes to the romantic side of things, there's just nothing left. She does feel appreciated now at least.

Looks like its just the two dates, and chances are they will blow, and hopefully my fleshlight will arrive by then.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Ex and I are dead when it comes to the romantic side of things, there's just nothing left. She does feel appreciated now at least.
> 
> Looks like its just the two dates, and chances are they will blow, and hopefully my fleshlight will arrive by then.


If you walk into it anticipating that they'll blow, then they will. But if you walk into each date expecting to have a great time, you will. It's Shrodengers Cat. 

Knowing how expectations can impact outcomes, if the dates blow, half the blame rests with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Geez RD, if you feel the dates are going to be that horrible why even go?? Save yourself the inconvenience and stay home.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> Geez RD, if you feel the dates are going to be that horrible why even go?? Save yourself the inconvenience and stay home.


Or do what I do. I'm dating myself. Though we sometimes get into circular discussions when trying to make dinner plans. It's a pita trying to figure out where to go eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> Or do what I do. I'm dating myself. Though we sometimes get into circular discussions when trying to make dinner plans. It's a pita trying to figure out where to go eat.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm doing that too and it's amazing. I am super awesome and lucky to have me. 

To be honest, this is the most fulfilled I've felt in life in quite a long time. Probably since last time I was single and could do what I wanted when I wanted.... Back in my 20s. 

I just feel alive and excited about life. I know I don't need a romantic partner to enjoy life to the fullest. Thats a powerful realization for my inner self and has given me more confidence to get out even more.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm doing that too and it's amazing. I am super awesome and lucky to have me.
> 
> To be honest, this is the most fulfilled I've felt in life in quite a long time. Probably since last time I was single and could do what I wanted when I wanted.... Back in my 20s.
> 
> I just feel alive and excited about life. I know I don't need a romantic partner to enjoy life to the fullest. Thats a powerful realization for my inner self and has given me more confidence to get out even more.


Yep. I just wish I would take me someplace different every once in a while. I mean, I like Friday's and all, but I don't want to go there _every_ time we go out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Well hiiiiiiiiiiiiii everyone


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> Well hiiiiiiiiiiiiii everyone



Aloha, how was Aussie land?


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Normally I would agree with you JB, but in this instance I'm not so sure. She has had a very sheltered, old school upbringing. I went over to their house once to speak with her dad about something, and she ran off to change her shirt because, even though it had sleeves, she felt that it showed too much arm to be modest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's old-school like my family. I am not old-school. I am familiar with how people like this function, though and I can bet you that she is reading way too much into every interaction you guys have. 

There's a ton of repression and game playing going on in her head. However, if she is expressing her intimacy to you over text, and this is the background culture of her worldview, she is wayyyyyy smitten with you and to a dangerous extent. She won't get the hint. She may act in desperate ways to get or keep your attention. She won't detach easily. (She sounds a lot like my ex-H's mistress who was prone to suicide attempts to keep his attention when he tried to walk away). 

You need to be very clear and direct and compassionate, but uninterested. Being cruel won't work. Being subtle won't work. You need to talk to her with a witness/confidant from her side (sister, mother, other scheming meddlers who assist her schemes), and say in no uncertain terms that you are 1) not interested in her romantically, 2) uncomfortable with her behavior because it puts you in an awkward position, 3) definitely certain that you want her to stop, and 4) completely certain that your opinion or decision or mindset will NOT be changed by any actions that she or assorted others undertake. The others may be able to help her move on because they are seeing your intervention directly and not through her interpretation, which is why you need someone with her to help keep things from getting out of control. 

You cannot put off getting a new sitter anymore. Abrupt as it may seem, you need to do it NOW and might even need to take a few sick days to facilitate that. Trust me, every day you don't end this, she grows not only more enamored of you, but also more unstable, which is dangerous for you and your kids. 

She may be trying to plant the seed in their minds that there is something going on, very very subtly; this might be a stretch, though. Gauge how attached your kids have become to her and surmise accordingly.


----------



## moxy

I posted that wall of text before I saw that there had been another talk of boundaries. I hope she understands and doesn't try to rope you in again. 

Sorry for getting all worked up on your behalf; clearly, that scenario contained some sort of trigger for me.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> I posted that wall of text before I saw that there had been another talk of boundaries. I hope she understands and doesn't try to rope you in again.
> 
> Sorry for getting all worked up on your behalf; clearly, that scenario contained some sort of trigger for me.


The talk may have worked for now. I talked to her about it on Friday afternoon and now on Sunday evening I have yet to receive any texts from her. I won't be able to gauge any other behavior until I see her on Monday.

Eta: I have already started collecting resumes and I'm interviewing for a live in. Part of my problem is that for 1 week every month, I work overnights. So I need someone who can stay the night. As busy as my work schedule is, I really do need a live in. The problem that I will face is the same problem I had when looking last summer. "I'm sorry, but I'm just not comfortable working for a single man."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GA HEART

Well I had a date Friday. And it turned into another date Saturday. GREAT weekend for lil GA. Hee hee. This guy is super cool and sooooo not pushy. But interested. I like. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

GA HEART said:


> Well I had a date Friday. And it turned into another date Saturday. GREAT weekend for lil GA. Hee hee. This guy is super cool and sooooo not pushy. But interested. I like.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hooray! Glad to hear you had a good weekend.


----------



## Lone Shadow

GA HEART said:


> Well I had a date Friday. And it turned into another date Saturday. GREAT weekend for lil GA. Hee hee. This guy is super cool and sooooo not pushy. But interested. I like.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First time one of you ladies have described a date and I knew right away that it wasn't me. 

I'm just slightly more than super cool, and I have no qualms about pushing when warranted. 

If you look out your window right now, this very moment, you'll see something amazing. My ego. It's so inflated that it's actually blocking out the sun. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> If you walk into it anticipating that they'll blow, then they will. But if you walk into each date expecting to have a great time, you will. It's Shrodengers Cat.
> 
> Knowing how expectations can impact outcomes, if the dates blow, half the blame rests with you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





vi_bride04 said:


> Geez RD, if you feel the dates are going to be that horrible why even go?? Save yourself the inconvenience and stay home.


Actually, I like to keep my expectations at an all time low so I can be pleasantly surprised, with no risk of disappointment. But that's just me.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Actually, I like to keep my expectations at an all time low so I can be pleasantly surprised, with no risk of disappointment. But that's just me.


I get what you're saying RD, I really do. But try it this way. Figure out what the worst is. Done? Good. Now go on your date, expecting the best. Because you've already figured out the worst possible outcome, you will be pleasantly surprised no matter what. And your date won't be potentially impacted by negative vibes from you, because you're expecting the best. The best part, for me anyway, is that I'm way more capable of imagining the worst possible outcome than most people are capable of delivering, and in this way, I'm always pleasantly surprised.

Eta: Sonofab!tch took me to Friday's again...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

They weren't meant to happen anyway, hell I'm surprised my first date even agreed after watching me collecting numbers all through the night. In truth, only one sparked my interest - her. But oh well...

In fact, as for the others I can't even put half of their names and numbers together with faces. Second date (from Sat) was really obvious and I simply took the green light.

Normally my success rate isn't so extravagant, it must be the tan I got this week as I've been out and about. Oh well, regardless of this it does feels good to know that I'm in good shape. But in the end -> I'm not looking for another girlfriend, only an exclusive-FWB like I had.

It was safe, it was fun, we were both transparent and honest, both satisfied each other's needs, no complications and life was good... it's actually quite frustrating to lose all that due to emotional crap. I made a bad call.

... I'm STILL frustrated! So hey, excuse the brain farts...


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm sorry. An "exclusive-FWB" ? 

I understand what you mean, but how on earth could you possibly get anyone to agree to that? 

....I'm not dating you, just interested in the sex, but I don't want you to sleep with anyone else as long as you're sleeping with me...

Just not something I see someone being willing to agree with. It's my understanding that an FWB arrangement is no strings. You both enter into it with the understanding that you both are able (and probably are) to sleep with other people. You bring in exclusivity, and you bring in strings. You bring in strings, and it's not an FWB arrangement. May as well be dating exclusively.


----------



## GA HEART

Yea.....when I was in my fwb stage, there was NO WAY I was gonna be "exclusive." Lol! No cake eaters. I was semi open to anything more happening, if it was there, but the type of guys I was seeing....... It never was there. I kinda get it, rd, I have been there. Where you are. I swore I didn't want a relationship. And I wasnt ready. But deep down I kinda did. The problem was I wasn't putting enough worth on myself, therefore I wasn't attracting the right type of person. I had some fun, but it never amounted to anything. And it didnt make me a better person, it just helped me survive, and get through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

GA HEART said:


> Lol! No cake eaters.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I just came back in from getting some fresh air in my lungs, and I'm pleased to report that my ego has returned to more manageable levels. It is no longer blocking out the sun on the East Coast.


----------



## GA HEART

I'm curious as to how you know it WASNT you, LS.  Because my guy wasn't pushy? Didn't mean nothing happened. Just means he wasn't pushy about it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkyln309

Exclusive FWB? No way. Its either FWB or you are exclusively dating. They are polar opposites of each other.


----------



## bkyln309

My older guy told me he loved me the other night on the phone when we were hanging up. I ignored it and said I will text tomorrow. Then, he texted me "I hope I didnt scare you. I tell the people in my life I love you alot". I told him it sounds more like a goodbye ritual for you than the fact that you love me. Talk about feeling uncomfortable.

We are dating. Way too early for the I LOVE YOUs.


----------



## Lone Shadow

That's easy GA. You said that this guy was super cool. I'm just slightly more than super cool. This one bit alone says it wasn't me. I'm generally not pushy either, but if you say you have to tell me something, then change your mind, I'll push. But push for sex? No. Just no.

Aside from that, I am genuinely unremarkable. You may have gone out with me on Friday and Saturday, but it wouldn't have registered as important enough to tell everyone here about either date.


----------



## GA HEART

Oh stop.  How can someone who blocked the sun be unremarkable? And its true, I didn't see the sun all morning! Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GA HEART

Oh yea bklyn.....i would be weirded out too!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> My older guy told me he loved me the other night on the phone when we were hanging up. I ignored it and said I will text tomorrow. Then, he texted me "I hope I didnt scare you. I tell the people in my life I love you alot". I told him it sounds more like a goodbye ritual for you than the fact that you love me. Talk about feeling uncomfortable.
> 
> We are dating. Way too early for the I LOVE YOUs.


WAY. TOO. EARLY.

That might be a red flag... it would definitely weird me out.

ETA: I mean, if he says something like this so soon... how many women has he professed to love in his life? Really? Way to make you feel special.


----------



## Lone Shadow

GA HEART said:


> Oh stop.  How can someone who blocked the sun be unremarkable? And its true, I didn't see the sun all morning! Haha.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does this mean I've been found out? Are you telling me that you've realized I actually _am_ remarkable?


----------



## GA HEART

EVERYONE is remarkable. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Oh I'm not denying that I'm remarkable. I was just wanting to be a little more subtle about announcing it. Let me see.. The last time I was in Georgia was... 2006. So unless you were in Virginia this past weekend, I think it's safe to say it wasn't me. Regardless of how remarkable I am.


----------



## FeministInPink

GA HEART said:


> EVERYONE is remarkable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And hence, NO ONE is remarkable


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> And hence, NO ONE is remarkable


How remarkably unremarkable.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> How remarkably unremarkable.


Absolutely.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> And hence, NO ONE is remarkable


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


>


Let me tell you a story about how I learned to stop worrying, and love the bomb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> I'm sorry. An "exclusive-FWB" ?
> 
> I understand what you mean, but how on earth could you possibly get anyone to agree to that?
> 
> ....I'm not dating you, just interested in the sex, but I don't want you to sleep with anyone else as long as you're sleeping with me...
> 
> Just not something I see someone being willing to agree with. It's my understanding that an FWB arrangement is no strings. You both enter into it with the understanding that you both are able (and probably are) to sleep with other people. You bring in exclusivity, and you bring in strings. You bring in strings, and it's not an FWB arrangement. May as well be dating exclusively.





GA HEART said:


> Yea.....when I was in my fwb stage, there was NO WAY I was gonna be "exclusive." Lol! No cake eaters. I was semi open to anything more happening, if it was there, but the type of guys I was seeing....... It never was there. I kinda get it, rd, I have been there. Where you are. I swore I didn't want a relationship. And I wasnt ready. But deep down I kinda did. The problem was I wasn't putting enough worth on myself, therefore I wasn't attracting the right type of person. I had some fun, but it never amounted to anything. And it didnt make me a better person, it just helped me survive, and get through.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





bkyln309 said:


> Exclusive FWB? No way. Its either FWB or you are exclusively dating. They are polar opposites of each other.


Exactly, now you know my problem.

When ex-GF/ex-FWB and I got together, it was completely no strings, just fun, sex, and whatever. I also had another FB at that time. In the end, it was mostly FB (Fkbuddy) arrangements, not FWB (Friends with benefits).

Unfortunately, my FB grew emo, so I had to let her go, and my other FB (ex-GF/ex-FWB) told me she wants to go back to dating. So ok, whatever, later she came back (ex-GF/ex-FWB) and we resumed our FB relationship. Over time I began to trust that she would never go all emo on me so I opened up more, and later, we became exclusive as we were only fking each other anyway, and went skin to skin.

Then we went on holiday together, as friends/FWBs, and yeah you know the rest. What we had before all the emo crap, it was beautiful. I miss it, miss it so much... *sigh* For ages I've just been fking left right and center and it was nice to just have one girl to pleasure and over time we became so comfortable with each other's bodies we knew all our orgasmic triggers to the point that sex was incredible - even comparable to my ex-wife's prowess.

Losing all of this (and making an enemy in process) has hit me harder than I would like to admit. I honestly just wish we (ex-GF and I) can at least be civil.

EDIT: ... in truth, I worry and care about her (ex-GF/ex-FWB), but I can't love her and build on it the way she expects me to or wants me to. She wants me to free up my weekends for her when I've already committed them to my daughter - and its NOT negotiable, she wanted me to introduce the two of us, she wanted to move in, or for me to move out together with her, she wanted me to finance a new car, help her kickstart her own business, etc etc, all of these I just wasn't ready for. We only started dating as BF/GF for a few months but she treated it as if we were dating for a year.

I let her go before I disappointed her.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I let her go before I disappointed her.


This says so much.


----------



## RandomDude

... is that a bad thing?

So I should have just went ahead, shoved her in front of my daughter's face when she's not even ready for it, moved in with her, become de facto, buy her a new car, finance her startup costs, after a few months of dating?


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> This says so much.


No RD. It doesn't say anything along the lines of moving in with her or funding her business/ new car. 

It speaks volumes about how you value yourself. Sometimes mirrors hurt, but you need to look in the mirror this time. What everyone else is seeing from that revelation by you, is that you have a very low sense of self worth. Now, I freely admit to being an ass at times, but I don't much like forcing a person to look at himself in a mirror. It can't be avoided. You sir need that mirror. I'm sorry RD, but imho, you have too much work to do on yourself before you are ready for a relationship. Even just a casual sex type relationship. the time you're spending chasing skirts and hopping into bed could be so much better spent if you spent it on self improvement. It wouldn't take long, just a couple months of dedicated effort on your part. The difference between the RD of today and the RD of June could be night and day. At that time, after your journey of self improvement, you will start attracting the type of quality woman that you would be proud to have standing beside you. 

Ok, let me get off my soapbox. Carry on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

It's already old news that I'm not ready for a relationship.

How that translates to "RD has a very low sense of self worth" eludes me. I know my worth well enough to the point I have to take a stand against my own hubris.

I also mentioned before, it's better I let her go 2 days from V-day then to have to fake V-day lovey doveys and break her heart later. That's what I meant when I said "I let her go before I disappointed her"

I'm a dude bro, don't try to read too much into my words. It's simple and straight forward.


----------



## daddymikey1975

RD, I don't believe she was expecting all those things immediately. She was merely making future plans. She saw you as a solid decent dude, and she set some life goals that she wanted you to be a part of. 

When we court women, one of the things they like are when we make future memories. It's like the carrot in front of the donkey (please don't take that analogy as woman bashing lol). It's something to look forward to. Women want to know their dude is in tune with them and that their dude has something in store for them, for tomorrow, for next month, for next year. It keeps them interested and wanting more. 

I think I would have to agree with LoneShadow that you should continue working on yourself bro. We all have work to do in order to become the better "us"... So that we can be a better significant other. If you're a solid, emotionally stable dude, you'll attract that type of woman. 

Keep on keeping on man.


----------



## RandomDude

:rofl:
Sure, plans to cut in between my daughter and I, as well as my wallet!

And how was I supposed to entertain her ideas of the future when I was already having second thoughts? If I kept it up I would have been leading her on, hell she even cussed at me for "leading her on" when in the end I gave it a fair shot but times changed. One thing I didn't do is lie to her, however she's probably twisting history and lying to herself so she can hate me and move on faster so whatever.

As for attracting women all I have to do is walk out my bloody front door. My problem is finding again what I had lost (a great exclusive FWB).

Thanks though, even though from my perspective you guys are off-base a tad.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm still not understanding where you think you would have to fake anything. 

I won't fake anything. Sometimes, yeah, it's going to cause some pain, or some doubt, or whatever, but that's temporary. The greater benefit comes from not faking. I also will not apologize for who I am. If she can't deal with who I am, then she can go deal somewhere else.

Breaking up 2 days before VD though. Doesn't matter what you're feeling or not feeling, that's just harsh. That's like surprising your spouse with divorce papers (when they thought everything was kosher) 2 days before your anniversary.


----------



## Lone Shadow

We're going to be off base RD. We don't know you, and you don't know us. Most of human conversation is non-verbal. So here we are, just a collection of pixels on your screen, attempting a best guess with only what information you have provided, and without the added benefit of any non-verbal queues.


----------



## RandomDude

Why do you think I was conflicted about it enough to make a thread about it? My mistake was already apparent -> I should have done it sooner but I wasn't certain of a decision to split at that time. V-day raised expectations to the point I had to make one. If I carried on I would be leading her on.

I don't regret my decision to break up with her (I DO regret getting emotionally involved with her however), I don't see why you believe that I should have carried through V-day showering her with fake lovey doveys with a dagger held behind my back for the opportune time to break up with her either.

Yes, it's fake.

Ex-wife even complained from time to time about the lack of lovey dovey speeches from me but hell, if I ain't feeling it I won't say it, even if she needs to hear it. That's how I am and this will never change nor do I want it to.

As for being off base it's cool, I do the same thing. It's a forum mate


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow, while I agree with most of what you said, I don't think he was wrong in breaking up with her before V Day. If V Day is half the production in Oz as it is here in the US, then they might have had this Uber romantic night... and then he breaks it off right after. I think that would have been worse.

I had the "talk" with my XH a week before our 5th anniversary because I couldn't bear the thought of having to fake it through the whole weekend that I had planned. Unfortunately, he's a dunderhead, and he still wanted to do the whole weekend anyway. And then I had to have the "talk" with him a second time at the end of the weekend. Because he didn't get it the first time.

So, I've done both. The second talk was way worse than the first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Work on your self worth, RD. You feeling like you are going to always disappoint someone really needs to be addressed.


----------



## RandomDude

@FIP

Yay, so do I get a cookie? 

RD -1 a$$hole point

@Vi_bride

Always is a very strong word and I did not use it in my post.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm sure the production values are about the same there as here. That doesn't mean that he has to put on a production. What's wrong with being low key? There doesn't have to be any romance involved, it's just another day. Like Monday. Treat it like Monday.


----------



## RandomDude

Substantial majority (86%) voted for "Before V-day"

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/248994-before-during-after.html

It was one decision I did not wish to make ill-informed. Regardless - it WAS. It's done, and it's over.


----------



## Ynot

RD I have been following your saga in this thread and others for a while now. By no means do I claim to be an expert (otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place). However I do see some real obvious tendencies here. First off you don't have a clue what the hell you want. Hence, while not even being divorced yet, you have not one but at least two FBs. You dump one of them because she starts getting emo, but then you start getting emo for the second. After YOU get uncomfortable with her natural reactions to your actions you bail on her and then start pining for your ex. 
Your empathy towards your partners is a good thing. It shows you are human. It shows you are really a good person inside. But what you need to do is to start to consider this for yourself. Instead of making it some kind of contest to see how many women you can bed, why not follow the advice of others here and take some time for yourself. To find out what RD really wants. Find this out for yourself and you will probably resolve much of worries about hurting others in the process.
You initially come across as a self confident guy, but in the end it seems you are being driven by your insecurities. The insecurities come out as soon as anyone gets close to you. Resolve your insecurities and you will resolve this issue as well. Heck just look at your reactions to some sage advice from some of your forum friends, it has mostly been defensive. 
Find out what you really want. Then go out and get it. Stop going for it before you even know what it is.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I'm sure the production values are about the same there as here. That doesn't mean that he has to put on a production. What's wrong with being low key? There doesn't have to be any romance involved, it's just another day. Like Monday. Treat it like Monday.


Knowing RD, he would have put on a production. When he initially decided to promote FWB to GF, he waited to do it, because he wanted to bulk up the suspense and make the moment perfext, etc, etc... VDAY would have been a production.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> Knowing RD, he would have put on a production. When he initially decided to promote FWB to GF, he waited to do it, because he wanted to bulk up the suspense and make the moment perfext, etc, etc... VDAY would have been a production.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I remember reading about the production behind promoting FWB girlie to GF. And then not quite a month later he's giving her the boot.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> @Vi_bride
> 
> Always is a very strong word and I did not use it in my post.


No you didn't but your attitude throughout this thread has been the same. You fear disappointing your romantic partner. 

So stop dancing around the issue and work on yourself. Stay away from women and embrace being alone.

It is not until you embrace it and actually enjoy it where you will be at a place to have a healthy relationship someday.


----------



## Lone Shadow

All about healthy relations. Mmm.. relations.. Oh! You said relations_hips_. Sorry. Missed that.

Yes, a healthy and stable self is important to a healthy and stable relationship. Even if it isn't a relationship, but just someone for a 2-3x daily roll in ze hay. If you haven't gotten yourself sorted out, your relations won't be sorted either. 

Relationships. Relations, hips. Yes please! :FIREdevil:


----------



## SamuraiJack

You attract what you put out.
A well groomed persona can go a LONG way to attracting low drama, intelligent womenz...

Ah...De Womenz...


----------



## vi_bride04

This new app I downloaded, Vivino is awesome.

It's actually helping me expand my wine pallet by wanting to try different wines to have something to post about, lol. 

Discovered an absolutely amazing Merlot last week. 

Mmm wine


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> This new app I downloaded, Vivino is awesome.
> 
> It's actually helping me expand my wine pallet by wanting to try different wines to have something to post about, lol.
> 
> Discovered an absolutely amazing Merlot last week.
> 
> Mmm wine


Oh, exploring wine has been one of my great joys since moving out on my own. I'm going to check that out!


----------



## RandomDude

Ynot said:


> RD I have been following your saga in this thread and others for a while now. By no means do I claim to be an expert (otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place). However I do see some real obvious tendencies here. First off you don't have a clue what the hell you want. Hence, while not even being divorced yet, you have not one but at least two FBs. You dump one of them because she starts getting emo, but then you start getting emo for the second. After YOU get uncomfortable with her natural reactions to your actions you bail on her and then start pining for your ex.
> Your empathy towards your partners is a good thing. It shows you are human. It shows you are really a good person inside. But what you need to do is to start to consider this for yourself. Instead of making it some kind of contest to see how many women you can bed, why not follow the advice of others here and take some time for yourself. To find out what RD really wants. Find this out for yourself and you will probably resolve much of worries about hurting others in the process.
> You initially come across as a self confident guy, but in the end it seems you are being driven by your insecurities. The insecurities come out as soon as anyone gets close to you. Resolve your insecurities and you will resolve this issue as well. Heck just look at your reactions to some sage advice from some of your forum friends, it has mostly been defensive.
> Find out what you really want. Then go out and get it. Stop going for it before you even know what it is.


Its true I keep going back and forth between FWBs and GFs, it's a conflict of desire. On one hand I long to have romance (I even hated it when my ex-wife made sex routine and forsaken romance/tease/foreplay), but on the other, all the heartbreaks both inflicted and suffered has really messed up my confidence in terms of my ability to sustain a healthy relationship.

I was quite content with just FWBs, however the holiday together with her really messed things up as I was a different man then; romantic/passionate/etc, I tend to be when my brain isn't switched on to my responsibilities.



FeministInPink said:


> Knowing RD, he would have put on a production. When he initially decided to promote FWB to GF, he waited to do it, because he wanted to bulk up the suspense and make the moment perfext, etc, etc... VDAY would have been a production.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Lone Shadow said:


> Yeah, I remember reading about the production behind promoting FWB girlie to GF. And then not quite a month later he's giving her the boot.




Is that a bad thing?
Well what can I say... I like to make the moments magical, it's fun, and I've had no complaints (well, either than the dumping). It's something I thought was a good quality of mine no?



vi_bride04 said:


> No you didn't but your attitude throughout this thread has been the same. You fear disappointing your romantic partner.
> 
> So stop dancing around the issue and work on yourself. Stay away from women and embrace being alone.
> 
> It is not until you embrace it and actually enjoy it where you will be at a place to have a healthy relationship someday.


I only have 2 more dates left, one tonight. Last batch, I'm not going out anymore and going to get on my fleshlight - once it bloody arrives. So not to worry, I'm staying away, unless I find an FWB out of those 2 dates who can do the job of the fleshlight then yay, but unlikely, would be surprised to find a FWB after a few dates. Normally takes ~10, ~50-100+ for a good one like ex-GF/ex-FWB.

Don't worry folks, I'm giving all of it a break after I finish up loose ends.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Maybe it's the non-player in me, but RD I just don't understand your non-chalant comparison of fvck buddies or FWBs to a fleshlight.. I mean, these are real women your talking about right? That respect themselves as human beings? Compared with a bit of fleshy rubber in the shape of a vagina? 
I suppose woman that don't care about this comparison exist, but it's not the type I'm looking for..
My 2 cents.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

To add to that, it just seems like it's an attitude of "eh, you'll do for now, I guess". Do these women not have an ounce of self esteem?


----------



## RandomDude

Huh?
:scratchhead:

It's not like I treat them like a piece of fleshy rubber, I do take care of them and respect them. If you have been following I've had no complaints (either than the ones that I dumped).

Besides they knew the terms of the arrangement and for the most part it's also what they were looking for; sex, no emo, no BS.

Regardless they do the same job; get me off. I would prefer a human being I can actually talk to, and I find alot of enjoyment giving pleasure to my partners, but since everyone is saying I should go celibate I'll give celibacy another go (with a fleshlight of course).


----------



## Lone Shadow

TheGoodGuy said:


> Maybe it's the non-player in me, but RD I just don't understand your non-chalant comparison of fvck buddies or FWBs to a fleshlight.. I mean, these are real women your talking about right? That respect themselves as human beings? Compared with a bit of fleshy rubber in the shape of a vagina?
> I suppose woman that don't care about this comparison exist, but it's not the type I'm looking for..
> My 2 cents.


Quoted because it deserves to be said again.


----------



## RandomDude

Right, so the girls I hook up with are all sl'ts with no self esteem yes? You know whats the difference between men like me and you guys? I dont judge a woman based on her bedroom habits. They get as horny as us, get just as frustrated with rrelationships as us.

why shouldnt they have the right to make their own decision to hook up for casual sex without being labeled as a ****


----------



## RandomDude

Ex gf was ANYTHING but a sl't with low self esteem


----------



## Ynot

RD I am afraid the discussion got a little off track. I don't have a clue who these women are, what they are about or what they desire. But regardless, as SJ pointed out, you attract what you put out. YOU are a person who needs fixing. YOU are a person who doesn't really know what you want. Those are the women you are attracting. As soon as the get emo or you get emo, the flags come out and off you run. Nobody is telling you join a monastery and swear celibacy, they have been telling you to work on your self first. There is no shame in keeping it in your pants for awhile (that includes your fleshlight) and working on your self. You are more than a wad needing release. Find out who you are.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Right, so the girls I hook up with are all sl'ts with no self esteem yes? You know whats the difference between men like me and you guys? I dont judge a woman based on her bedroom habits. They get as horny as us, get just as frustrated with rrelationships as us.
> 
> why shouldnt they have the right to make their own decision to hook up for casual sex without being labeled as a ****


I didn't use the word sl'ts, nor was I really talking about the girls motives at all. I was referring to your attitude toward them. I quote: "unless I find an FWB out of those 2 dates who can do the job of the fleshlight". It just struck me as a very insensitive comment. Maybe you didn't mean for it to be taken that way. 
And to YNot's point, you are worth more that just a wad needing release, as are all of us.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Some kid at the gas station this morning kinda got to me. Saw my Veteran sticker, and says, "You were in the military? Did you ever kill anybody?" 

"If children count as half a point, hmm... 176.5, and 2 with a knife. By the way, does your GF like anal?"

"Uh... What?"

"Oh, I thought we were asking each other inappropriate questions."


----------



## Jellybeans

Am so very much looking forward to the fact it's supposed to get up to 70 today. Wearing a skirt and praying for SUNSHINE. SO sick of this cold/interminable winter.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> Some kid at the gas station this morning kinda got to me. Saw my Veteran sticker, and says, "You were in the military? Did you ever kill anybody?"
> 
> "If children count as half a point, hmm... 176.5, and 2 with a knife. By the way, does your GF like anal?"
> 
> "Uh... What?"
> 
> "Oh, I thought we were asking each other inappropriate questions."


BRILLIANT response. 

Some people's kids, right?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I thought it fitting. It really helps me to understand why some animals eat there young though.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I thought it fitting. It really helps me to understand why some animals eat there young though.


Well, maybe now he understands that his question is a question one should not ask. 

Maybe he learned something from you today.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I try to teach something to everyone I interact with on a daily basis.

That question only has 2 possible outcomes:
1) I say no, in which case the you are disappointed because I didn't live up to some expectation that you had.

2) I say yes. Now, after a brief silence, you get extremely uncomfortable because it dawns on you that you are dealing with someone who has taken a human life.

Do everyone a favor, don't ask.


----------



## Lone Shadow

:soapbox:

Another thing that gets to me. This article does a wonderful job of expressing it. Much more eloquently than I could have.

Don't thank me for my service. Thank a veteran that you don’t have to be one.

Ok. I think I can get off my soapbox for now. It's been a rough day. Can you tell?


----------



## SamuraiJack

Ynot said:


> RD I am afraid the discussion got a little off track. I don't have a clue who these women are, what they are about or what they desire. But regardless, as SJ pointed out, you attract what you put out. YOU are a person who needs fixing. YOU are a person who doesn't really know what you want. Those are the women you are attracting. As soon as the get emo or you get emo, the flags come out and off you run. Nobody is telling you join a monastery and swear celibacy, they have been telling you to work on your self first. There is no shame in keeping it in your pants for awhile (that includes your fleshlight) and working on your self. You are more than a wad needing release. Find out who you are.


Second this! 
Play partners are fine as long as it's all on the table.

What I am saying is that an investment in yourself can NEVER go into the red. Even a total bust is giving you the knowledge that approach isnt right for you.

I actually forgot how awesome I was when I was with my ex.
Now my daughters both see it and even refer to it as "Cool Dad making an appearance."
Hell I'm about ready to teach myself to weld! Wheres the cat?

I am betting there is some awesome under your dust as well.

Go find it!

Even the search itself is working on yourself. 
Women will look at you and go "He's not there yet, but a man on a quest for himself sure is attractive."

I feel the same way about women...Luv De Wimenz!


----------



## FeministInPink

SamuraiJack said:


> Second this!
> Play partners are fine as long as it's all on the table.
> 
> What I am saying is that an investment in yourself can NEVER go into the red. Even a total bust is giving you the knowledge that approach isnt right for you.
> 
> I actually forgot how awesome I was when I was with my ex.
> Now my daughters both see it and even refer to it as "Cool Dad making an appearance."
> Hell I'm about ready to teach myself to weld! Wheres the cat?
> 
> I am betting there is some awesome under your dust as well.
> 
> Go find it!
> 
> Even the search itself is working on yourself.
> Women will look at you and go "He's not there yet, but a man on a quest for himself sure is attractive."
> 
> I feel the same way about women...Luv De Wimenz!


:iagree: On all counts.

Except Luv De Wimenz. I prefer men... men who Luv De Wimenz.

ETA: Especially this part:



SamuraiJack said:


> *I actually forgot how awesome I was when I was with my ex.
> *Now my daughters both see it and even refer to it as "Cool Dad making an appearance."
> Hell I'm about ready to teach myself to weld! Wheres the cat?


You have to invest time in finding your awesome again. It's been one of the best things about post-divorce life, and I've realized that it's an ongoing process. Never stop trying to find your awesome!


----------



## Jellybeans

SamuraiJack said:


> I actually forgot how awesome I was when I was with my ex.


:smthumbup:


----------



## GA HEART

I'm on my phone and can't, but I'm mentally liking all your posts! That is all, carry on! Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

My dear friends,
My Peruvian trip has been the best decision I've ever made. I am still here. Will fly out tomorrow then will post some photos. 
I had my very own "eat, pray, love" story. I have never seen the movie but isn't it about a woman who went through a devastating relation?
Well I ate. I prayed. I climbed mountains. I performed a sacred ritual. I loved an Argentinian poet who called me
La mujer de la montana. 
Truly an amazing trip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gonna Make It

Order is being submitted to the judge tomorrow so it looks like I will be over here soon.

I have been on OKC, POF and even tinder the last month plus but really gotten no interest on any of those accept catfishing. Starting to get a complex about it.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> My dear friends,
> My Peruvian trip has been the best decision I've ever made. I am still here. Will fly out tomorrow then will post some photos.
> I had my very own "eat, pray, love" story. *I have never seen the movie but isn't it about a woman who went through a devastating relation?*
> Well I ate. I prayed. I climbed mountains. I performed a sacred ritual. I loved an Argentinian poet who called me
> La mujer de la montana.
> Truly an amazing trip.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, it's a little more complex than that, and the book itself is much more nuanced and complex than the film. But I digress...

I'm glad that the trip has been good for you, Ne, and that you're getting some healing from it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Gonna Make It said:


> Order is being submitted to the judge tomorrow so it looks like I will be over here soon.
> 
> I have been on OKC, POF and even tinder the last month plus but really gotten no interest on any of those accept catfishing. Starting to get a complex about it.


Overall, I've found online dating to be disappointing. I was on the three that you mentioned, and I hid/deactivited my profiles several months ago, and I haven't regretted it for a minute.

When I first got onto POF, I was like a kid in a candy store... there were So. Many. Profiles. But then I realized that it really WAS like a candy store, full of artificial flavors and colors and high-fructose corn syrup, when I was looking for Boules De Miel. And you're just not going to find Boules De Miel in a run of the mill candy shop.


----------



## Gonna Make It

FeministInPink said:


> Overall, I've found online dating to be disappointing. I was on the three that you mentioned, and I hid/deactivited my profiles several months ago, and I haven't regretted it for a minute.
> 
> When I first got onto POF, I was like a kid in a candy store... there were So. Many. Profiles. But then I realized that it really WAS like a candy store, full of artificial flavors and colors and high-fructose corn syrup, when I was looking for Boules De Miel. And you're just not going to find Boules De Miel in a run of the mill candy shop.


True, but sometimes it is nice to have someone think you are that candy and want you. Because I really do not feel all that desirable. I mean my wife dumped me, she did not want me for over a year and a half before that, and no women show an interest. Sometimes it is just nice and a boost to the self esteem to have someone show interest in you.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> I only have 2 more dates left, one tonight. Last batch, I'm not going out anymore and going to get on my fleshlight - once it bloody arrives. So not to worry, I'm staying away, *unless I find an FWB out of those 2 dates who can do the job of the fleshlight* then yay, but unlikely, would be surprised to find a FWB after a few dates. Normally takes ~10, ~50-100+ for a good one like ex-GF/ex-FWB.
> 
> Don't worry folks, I'm giving all of it a break after I finish up loose ends.




So you're looking for a woman whose only necessary redeeming quality is to be as good as a piece of plastic/silicone? Way to devalue half the people on the planet.

It sounds like you're just auditioning these dates for the availability of their vagina and you have no interest in any of their qualities as a person.

You do remember what the F stands for? It's *friend*. Maybe you should just go out and make friends first. Then you can see if any of them could use some mutual benefits. Otherwise you will probably have better results with a prostitute.

There is a reason people are telling you to take a break and concentrate on yourself. You need to learn to treat women like people, and start using your brain to think with, not your ****.


----------



## FeministInPink

Gonna Make It said:


> True, but sometimes it is nice to have someone think you are that candy and want you. Because I really do not feel all that desirable. I mean my wife dumped me, she did not want me for over a year and a half before that, and no women show an interest. Sometimes it is just nice and a boost to the self esteem to have someone show interest in you.


Gonna Make It, self worth and validation comes from within--not from the approval of others. Work on yourself and find that within yourself; it is there you'll find lasting value. The validation that comes from others/outside of yourself is temporary and fleeting, and it will not sustain you.

But if you work on yourself and find that validation from within, and learn to find your own happiness, the rest will come naturally, and women will find you attractive because of that inner validation and confidence. Low self-esteem and low confidence will attract two types of women: 1) women who have similar low self-worth, and 2) women who will choose to take advantage of you and your low self-worth. Do you really want either of those two? Of course you don't, and it won't be good for you.

This thread isn't just about exchanging adventures in dating. Sure, that's some of it... but it's also about TAMers encouraging each other to do what is best for ourselves. In some cases, that means telling someone they SHOULDN'T be dating.

I would encourage you to think about WHY you want to date or why you're on these dating sites, and is it for the right reasons? I'm going to guess, based on your previous comment, that they are probably the wrong reasons.

You're probably not looking for a relationship right now, but you might want to look at this as a way to start the thought process gears moving:

Why Do You Want To Be in a Relationship?


----------



## RandomDude

@Hopeful Cynic

I AM dating to find a FB, not a GF. As for the F - it's FK buddy, not friends OR friends with benefits. Friends may or may not happen. Ex-GF/ex-FWB became friends/FWB but it was over time - once I could trust that she was able to have sexual relationships without emotional entanglement. I don't call people friends until I get to know them anyway. 

She went from FB to FWB to GF now to ex-GF. I don't see my FBs as anything more than someone to ram whenever we're both in the mood. Emotions are the bane of casual relationships and that's how people get hurt when neither party wanted it to happen, if you had experience with it, you will understand why there exists many boundaries that even restrict social (not sexual) interaction between FBs.

As for focusing on myself, I can't fix it. My paranoia of emotional entanglements is something that is only manageable and not fixable. I managed it for a time with ex-GF/ex-FWB, but with all her expectations + ex/daughter issues + stress from work it all just added up. Knowing this, I know I can't promise that such a thing (breaking ex-GF's heart) will never happen again. 

I know some of you remember how happy I was when me and GF actually got emotionally involved, and I'm assuming some of you are just giving me some tough love to get me to focus on fixing myself but just look at what happened...

Not to mention as I said - I'm just not fixable in this. It's been this way since childhood similar to ex-wife's issues with sex addiction. I've never really been a "normal" human being.


----------



## vi_bride04

So really, RD, what you are saying is you don't WANT to fix any of your issues. 

Don't say you "can't" be fixed. Anything is possible with the right amount of effort. And it just sounds like you aren't even willing to think about going down that path of self discovery.

I don't know why you are so unwilling. It sounds dreadfully stressful and tiring to have the constant thought in the back of your head how you are going to disappoint someone. Your post above reaks of self doubt.


----------



## Jellybeans

ne9907 said:


> Well I ate. I prayed. I climbed mountains. I performed a sacred ritual. I lo*ved an Argentinian poet who called me
> La mujer de la montana. *


Oooh la la. I LOVE an Argentine accent. 

So glad you're enjoying your trip, Ne! That is awesome!



Gonna Make It said:


> OI have been on OKC, POF and even tinder the last month plus but really gotten no interest on any of those accept catfishing. Starting to get a complex about it.


Give it a whirl. It's 2015. I've had mostly positive experiences from online/virtual dating. It's a neat way to meet people and expand your dating repertoire. If you try and aren't into it, that's what the delete/cancel button is for.  You're almost at the finish line! :smthumbup:



RandomDude said:


> I've never really been a "normal" human being.


We know. Just kidding. Too easy.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> So really, RD, what you are saying is you don't WANT to fix any of your issues.
> 
> Don't say you "can't" be fixed. Anything is possible with the right amount of effort. And it just sounds like you aren't even willing to think about going down that path of self discovery.
> 
> I don't know why you are so unwilling. It sounds dreadfully stressful and tiring to have the constant thought in the back of your head how you are going to disappoint someone. Your post above reaks of self doubt.


Sadly, :iagree:

RD, do you really want to struggle with this for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? Really?

Set a good example for your daughter. Fix yourself. Put in the effort. You ARE worth the effort, even if you don't see it right now.


----------



## FeministInPink

I want these. My birthday is coming up in several weeks... I might have to treat myself. I've never owned a pair of legitimate Chucks before.



















However, I also LURVE these, and I've also never owned a legit pair of Doc Martens, either:



















These shoes feature a print from the right panel of Hieronymus Bosch triptych "Garden of Earthly Delights." I think they're totally badass.

The Garden of Earthly Delights - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Those are AWESOME!! Do it, get em! I have two pairs of Chucks, though they are just plain colors, nothing interesting like these!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Those are AWESOME!! Do it, get em! I have two pairs of Chucks, though they are just plain colors, nothing interesting like these!


Which ones? Just the Chucks, or both? I'm considering splurging and getting both. I have some Christmas gift fun money that I haven't spent yet.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Which ones? Just the Chucks, or both? I'm considering splurging and getting both. I have some Christmas gift fun money that I haven't spent yet.


Get both!


----------



## SamuraiJack

Those are pretty sweet.
I wonder if they make Superman Tenny's.


----------



## FeministInPink

SamuraiJack said:


> Those are pretty sweet.
> I wonder if they make Superman Tenny's.


They DO!!! There are actually 2 different ones.

Superman+Converse


----------



## bkyln309

Chucks! Not my style at all but they look fun if that is your thing!! I love that its not boring footwear. Its a statement!


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Chucks! Not my style at all but they look fun if that is your thing!! I love that its not boring footwear. Its a statement!


I'm all about the statement footwear. I love me some fun shoes!


----------



## SamuraiJack

FeministInPink said:


> They DO!!! There are actually 2 different ones.
> 
> Superman+Converse


Awesome! Good price too!
My Daughter would love these!


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> @Hopeful Cynic
> 
> I AM dating to find a FB, not a GF. As for the F - it's FK buddy, not friends OR friends with benefits. Friends may or may not happen. Ex-GF/ex-FWB became friends/FWB but it was over time - once I could trust that she was able to have sexual relationships without emotional entanglement. I don't call people friends until I get to know them anyway.
> 
> She went from FB to FWB to GF now to ex-GF. I don't see my FBs as anything more than someone to ram whenever we're both in the mood. Emotions are the bane of casual relationships and that's how people get hurt when neither party wanted it to happen, if you had experience with it, you will understand why there exists many boundaries that even restrict social (not sexual) interaction between FBs.
> 
> As for focusing on myself, I can't fix it. My paranoia of emotional entanglements is something that is only manageable and not fixable. I managed it for a time with ex-GF/ex-FWB, but with all her expectations + ex/daughter issues + stress from work it all just added up. Knowing this, I know I can't promise that such a thing (breaking ex-GF's heart) will never happen again.
> 
> I know some of you remember how happy I was when me and GF actually got emotionally involved, and I'm assuming some of you are just giving me some tough love to get me to focus on fixing myself but just look at what happened...
> 
> Not to mention as I said - I'm just not fixable in this. It's been this way since childhood similar to ex-wife's issues with sex addiction. I've never really been a "normal" human being.



I dont know the whole background but I will say this. I like that right now you know what you want. I would rather a guy simply say all I want is sex right now and be upfront about it. Rather than the guy who says I want a LTR and all he really can handle is a one night stand. Good for you if this is where you are. When you are ready to do something different, you will!! I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes we are not ready to deal with all our issues. Sometimes we need to coast until we are ready to deal with the deeper things. Nothing wrong with that. We all make choices that seem right for us at the time. Will you ever change? Thats a choice up to you. I truly believe accepting where you are and what you can handle is healthy even if others dont like our choices.


----------



## Jellybeans

I like the chucks, FIP. I used to an a green pair that looked like this pic below and rocked them everywhere. Nostalgia.

http://images.esellerpro.com/2694/I/170/50/kids converse sample green 13 .jpg

Oh great and now I found these and WANT. I have a big thing for colorful sneakers.

http://www.conversecheapshoes.org/i...rse-Running-Shoes-Green-Yellow-126_04_LRG.jpg


----------



## FeministInPink

I like colorful sneakers. I have a pair of purple Pumas, and a teal pair of Adidas. Those are my two go-to brands for sneaks. I used to have a white pair of Pumas with a yellow swoop that I adored... I miss those shoes.

Someone I knew several years ago once told me that I had a great eye for shoes. She said, "You can find a pair of shoes that look ridiculous on the rack, but when you put them on, they look amazing."


----------



## SamuraiJack

I just bought a pair of these for my daughter!
She will either really love them or be like "meh".

Most likely she will love them. She is my daughter and I have a Doctor Who shower curtain....
Quirky runs on my side of the family!


----------



## Satya

Just poking my head in... About the sneakers,any of you ladies remember L.A. Gear? I did a Google search and found a picture of the pair I had. I miss these SO much... Little license plate tag and all.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, wow... L.A. Gear. Now that's a blast from the past!


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Get both!


OK, I'm gonna do it. I'll have to go to the store to try on some Converse and some DMs, since I don't know how their sizing fits. I stopped in there a few months ago to ask about the Doc Martens, and they said they don't carry them in-store, but they can have them delivered to the store for me for free.

I think I should probably do my taxes first, though...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> OK, I'm gonna do it. I'll have to go to the store to try on some Converse and some DMs, since I don't know how their sizing fits. I stopped in there a few months ago to ask about the Doc Martens, and they said they don't carry them in-store, but they can have them delivered to the store for me for free.
> 
> I think I should probably do my taxes first, though...


Nah.. You've got a whole notha 13 days for that!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

OMG I loved LA Gear! Hell, I would wear them now, lol! I Googled but couldnt find the ones I used to have...


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Nah.. You've got a whole notha 13 days for that!


I prefer not to leave it until the last minute. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hopeful Cynic said:


> So you're looking for a woman whose only necessary redeeming quality is to be as good as a piece of plastic/silicone? Way to devalue half the people on the planet.
> 
> It sounds like you're just auditioning these dates for the availability of their vagina and you have no interest in any of their qualities as a person.
> 
> You do remember what the F stands for? It's *friend*. Maybe you should just go out and make friends first. Then you can see if any of them could use some mutual benefits. Otherwise you will probably have better results with a prostitute.
> 
> There is a reason people are telling you to take a break and concentrate on yourself. You need to learn to treat women like people, and start using your brain to think with, not your ****.


I. Love. This. Post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> @Hopeful Cynic
> 
> I AM dating to find a FB, not a GF. As for the F - it's FK buddy, not friends OR friends with benefits. Friends may or may not happen. Ex-GF/ex-FWB became friends/FWB but it was over time - once I could trust that she was able to have sexual relationships without emotional entanglement. I don't call people friends until I get to know them anyway.
> 
> She went from FB to FWB to GF now to ex-GF. I don't see my FBs as anything more than someone to ram whenever we're both in the mood. Emotions are the bane of casual relationships and that's how people get hurt when neither party wanted it to happen, if you had experience with it, you will understand why there exists many boundaries that even restrict social (not sexual) interaction between FBs.
> 
> As for focusing on myself, I can't fix it. My paranoia of emotional entanglements is something that is only manageable and not fixable. I managed it for a time with ex-GF/ex-FWB, but with all her expectations + ex/daughter issues + stress from work it all just added up. Knowing this, I know I can't promise that such a thing (breaking ex-GF's heart) will never happen again.
> 
> I know some of you remember how happy I was when me and GF actually got emotionally involved, and I'm assuming some of you are just giving me some tough love to get me to focus on fixing myself but just look at what happened...
> 
> Not to mention as I said - I'm just not fixable in this. It's been this way since childhood similar to ex-wife's issues with sex addiction. I've never really been a "normal" human being.


You kept using the acronym FWB, not FB though, hence my confusion. If you don't even want friendship, I repeat my suggestion that you seek out prostitutes.

Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that you are, indeed, deeply broken. You don't even seem to want someone for mutual enjoyment - you just want someone to 'ram.' If you don't believe you're fixable, then yes, there is nothing you can do and you are destined for a lifetime of emotional disconnection.

The reason everyone is telling you to take a break from sex is so that you can learn to manage your sexual drive before it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. It already appears to have control over your life.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> So really, RD, what you are saying is you don't WANT to fix any of your issues.
> 
> Don't say you "can't" be fixed. Anything is possible with the right amount of effort. And it just sounds like you aren't even willing to think about going down that path of self discovery.
> 
> I don't know why you are so unwilling. It sounds dreadfully stressful and tiring to have the constant thought in the back of your head how you are going to disappoint someone. Your post above reaks of self doubt.





FeministInPink said:


> Sadly, :iagree:
> 
> RD, do you really want to struggle with this for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? Really?
> 
> Set a good example for your daughter. Fix yourself. Put in the effort. You ARE worth the effort, even if you don't see it right now.


I can't, even my counsellor tells me my issues aint something that is going to disappear - ever. It's only manageable, as it's already part of who I am. Just how it is. It's not really self-doubt more self-awareness of my own issues, capabilities, as well as weaknesses.



Hopeful Cynic said:


> You kept using the acronym FWB, not FB though, hence my confusion. If you don't even want friendship, I repeat my suggestion that you seek out prostitutes.
> 
> Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that you are, indeed, deeply broken. You don't even seem to want someone for mutual enjoyment - you just want someone to 'ram.' If you don't believe you're fixable, then yes, there is nothing you can do and you are destined for a lifetime of emotional disconnection.
> 
> The reason everyone is telling you to take a break from sex is so that you can learn to manage your sexual drive before it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. It already appears to have control over your life.


Why pay when I can get it for free?
As for mutual enjoyment, if my partners aren't happy with my performance they are always free to leave. They kept coming back so I see no problem. Besides, I've had years of frequent "training" from ex-wife who was my drill instructor.



bkyln309 said:


> I dont know the whole background but I will say this. I like that right now you know what you want. I would rather a guy simply say all I want is sex right now and be upfront about it. Rather than the guy who says I want a LTR and all he really can handle is a one night stand. Good for you if this is where you are. When you are ready to do something different, you will!! I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes we are not ready to deal with all our issues. Sometimes we need to coast until we are ready to deal with the deeper things. Nothing wrong with that. We all make choices that seem right for us at the time. Will you ever change? Thats a choice up to you. I truly believe accepting where you are and what you can handle is healthy even if others dont like our choices.


Thank you, that's how I am with them, and always have been this way even pre-marriage. I don't like leading people on, and my casual relationships have always been as transparent as I can make it. One thing I don't like is for my FBs/FWBs to turn around and tell me that I led them on when I pride myself in my honesty.

Ex-GF stung me when she insisted that I led her on when well, I don't know... I did like her, things just changed.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> I can't, even my counsellor tells me my issues aint something that is going to disappear - ever. It's only manageable, as it's already part of who I am. Just how it is. It's not really self-doubt more self-awareness of my own issues, capabilities, as well as weaknesses.
> 
> 
> 
> Why pay when I can get it for free?
> As for mutual enjoyment, if my partners aren't happy with my performance they are always free to leave. They kept coming back so I see no problem. Besides, I've had years of frequent "training" from ex-wife who was my drill instructor.
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you, that's how I am with them, and always have been this way even pre-marriage. I don't like leading people on, and my casual relationships have always been as transparent as I can make it. One thing I don't like is for my FBs/FWBs to turn around and tell me that I led them on when I pride myself in my honesty.
> 
> Ex-GF stung me when she insisted that I led her on when well, I don't know... I did like her, things just changed.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Lone Shadow said:


>


----------



## Lone Shadow




----------



## Ynot

First off, RD I think you need to find a new counselor. Who you are and what you want are the product of what you think. You control your thoughts, your thoughts do not control you. Your attitude is simply defeatism masquerading as acceptance.

Secondly, you are missing the larger picture. The issue isn't the casual relations, it is YOUR inability to deal with the fall out. YOU are the one having issues with emotion creeping into the picture. Mainly because you haven't truly resolved the matter in your own mind. Hence you immediately start chasing after FBs or FWBs before your divorce is even final, much less that you have accepted it in your mind. 

You need to learn to love yourself enough to fix what needs to be fixed and not settle for the defeatist attitude of "I can't be fixed". That my friend is the bigger picture, not the causal relationships you fixate on to assuage your fear of your own self.


----------



## bkyln309

Ynot said:


> First off, RD I think you need to find a new counselor. Who you are and what you want are the product of what you think. You control your thoughts, your thoughts do not control you. Your attitude is simply defeatism masquerading as acceptance.
> 
> Secondly, you are missing the larger picture. The issue isn't the casual relations, it is YOUR inability to deal with the fall out. YOU are the one having issues with emotion creeping into the picture. Mainly because you haven't truly resolved the matter in your own mind. Hence you immediately start chasing after FBs or FWBs before your divorce is even final, much less that you have accepted it in your mind.
> 
> You need to learn to love yourself enough to fix what needs to be fixed and not settle for the defeatist attitude of "I can't be fixed". That my friend is the bigger picture, not the causal relationships you fixate on to assuage your fear of your own self.


NO counselor is going to be able to help him because he doesnt want to change. So honestly its a waste of time and money. Its like going to marriage counseling with a spouse that is checked out. Not going to work. So until that point, RD should just do what he is doing until the consequences of his choices either make him want to change or it reaffirms these are the choices he wants to make. Everyone's path in life is different. RD is on the path he wants right now. Thats a good thing until it isnt (for him). We as outsiders cannot put what is good for us on him imho. RD will have to come to his own conclusions good bad or indifferent


----------



## Ynot

bkyln309 said:


> NO counselor is going to be able to help him because he doesnt want to change. So honestly its a waste of time and money. Its like going to marriage counseling with a spouse that is checked out. Not going to work. So until that point, RD should just do what he is doing until the consequences of his choices either make him want to change or it reaffirms these are the choices he wants to make. Everyone's path in life is different. RD is on the path he wants right now. Thats a good thing until it isnt (for him). We as outsiders cannot put what is good for us on him imho. RD will have to come to his own conclusions good bad or indifferent


Not trying to change RD at all. That I agree, is his decision to make. But you have to remember that HE came HERE looking for advice. I think he is looking for answers. He doesn't like what he is hearing. As so many have noted, he can either live with his issues or deal with them. I suggest he deal with them and become a better, new and improved RD, than continue floundering with a series of ultimately unsatisfying relationships and/or mechanical toys. Both of his current choices only delay the inevitable consequences of his failure to fix what he needs to fix, which is his self.


----------



## RandomDude

I don't see it as defeatism, having managed this issue successfully for a few months when ex-GF and I were dating. I know I can do it - yes I found my limit towards the end sure, but I'm proud of having made it even that far regardless; as ex-GF did not go through the emotional rollercoasters that I put my ex-wife through.

You say my issue is the fact that I dumped my ex-GF as I did not wish to disappoint her yes? Pfft of course I did. What's the alternative? Hang on to her and put her through the same sh-t I put my ex-wife through? Hot, cold, hot, cold, when I get stressed that's what happens. I spared ex-GF from all that BS, there's only so much I could take before I snapped, I'm fking human so give me a break. I got rid of her before I snapped.

Unable to deal with fallout? I've dealt with all of them, time and time again in a mature fashion, ex-wife and I are very civil and although ex-GF hates me now - if you have actually read how I dealt with the fallout could you have advised me differently? I gave her complete closure with full transparency.

As for my issues - if it's so easy to fix, what ideas do you have? What can I even do to fix it? The only way I can see is for me to try again, keep trying and getting better at managing these issues. What some of you are suggesting seems to be sitting on my hands idly by and hoping it somehow gets fixed. Nothing in life works that way, so what are you guys even on about?

The problem is, by keeping on trying - more heartbreaks like my ex-GF being dumped 2 days from V-day. Is it wrong of me to feel guilt over that? Not to mention previous partners all the way to my ex-wife who suffered the most out of any woman in my life. This is why FBs/FWBs is the most logical lifestyle choice for me, regardless of the whispering desire for emotional companionship that of course - everyone wants but doesn't mean everyone will get.

Anyway ex-wife and I have been seperated for years now, and I did not jump to casual sex straight after we seperated; Just to clarify that as it seems folks are going off-base again.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> I don't see it as defeatism, having managed this issue successfully for a few months when ex-GF and I were dating. I know I can do it - yes I found my limit towards the end sure, but I'm proud of having made it even that far regardless; as ex-GF did not go through the emotional rollercoasters that I put my ex-wife through.
> 
> You say my issue is the fact that I dumped my ex-GF as I did not wish to disappoint her yes? Pfft of course I did. What's the alternative? Hang on to her and put her through the same sh-t I put my ex-wife through? Hot, cold, hot, cold, when I get stressed that's what happens. I spared ex-GF from all that BS, there's only so much I could take before I snapped, I'm fking human so give me a break. I got rid of her before I snapped.
> 
> Unable to deal with fallout? I've dealt with all of them, time and time again in a mature fashion, ex-wife and I are very civil and although ex-GF hates me now - if you have actually read how I dealt with the fallout could you have advised me differently? I gave her complete closure with full transparency.
> 
> As for my issues - if it's so easy to fix, what ideas do you have? What can I even do to fix it? The only way I can see is for me to try again, keep trying and getting better at managing these issues. What some of you are suggesting seems to be sitting on my hands idly by and hoping it somehow gets fixed. Nothing in life works that way, so what are you guys even on about?
> 
> The problem is, by keeping on trying - more heartbreaks like my ex-GF being dumped 2 days from V-day. Is it wrong of me to feel guilt over that? Not to mention previous partners all the way to my ex-wife who suffered the most out of any woman in my life. This is why FBs/FWBs is the most logical lifestyle choice for me, regardless of the whispering desire for emotional companionship that of course - everyone wants but doesn't mean everyone will get.
> 
> Anyway ex-wife and I have been seperated for years now, and I did not jump to casual sex straight after we seperated; Just to clarify that as it seems folks are going off-base again.


Since I dont know the backstory, why havent you divorced your wife? Im just curious.

Like I said before: as long as you are upfront with the ladies that its FB and nothing else, I dont see the problem. They can either go along or not. The problem only lies in if you want a relationship but cant make the transition. 

I think however you need to close the chapter with your wife before you go looking for a LTR.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I don't see it as defeatism, having managed this issue successfully for a few months when ex-GF and I were dating. I know I can do it - yes I found my limit towards the end sure, but I'm proud of having made it even that far regardless; as ex-GF did not go through the emotional rollercoasters that I put my ex-wife through.
> 
> You say my issue is the fact that I dumped my ex-GF as I did not wish to disappoint her yes? Pfft of course I did. What's the alternative? Hang on to her and put her through the same sh-t I put my ex-wife through? Hot, cold, hot, cold, when I get stressed that's what happens. I spared ex-GF from all that BS, there's only so much I could take before I snapped, I'm fking human so give me a break. I got rid of her before I snapped.
> 
> Unable to deal with fallout? I've dealt with all of them, time and time again in a mature fashion, ex-wife and I are very civil and although ex-GF hates me now - if you have actually read how I dealt with the fallout could you have advised me differently? I gave her complete closure with full transparency.
> 
> *As for my issues - if it's so easy to fix, what ideas do you have? What can I even do to fix it? The only way I can see is for me to try again, keep trying and getting better at managing these issues. What some of you are suggesting seems to be sitting on my hands idly by and hoping it somehow gets fixed. Nothing in life works that way, so what are you guys even on about?*
> 
> The problem is, by keeping on trying - more heartbreaks like my ex-GF being dumped 2 days from V-day. Is it wrong of me to feel guilt over that? Not to mention previous partners all the way to my ex-wife who suffered the most out of any woman in my life. This is why FBs/FWBs is the most logical lifestyle choice for me, regardless of the whispering desire for emotional companionship that of course - everyone wants but doesn't mean everyone will get.
> 
> Anyway ex-wife and I have been seperated for years now, and I did not jump to casual sex straight after we seperated; Just to clarify that as it seems folks are going off-base again.


I don't think anyone is suggesting that you sit on your hands and simply wait for things to change. I think everyone agrees that you should be working with a therapist/IC. None of us thinks it's an easy fix, and none of us are qualified to offer specific solutions beyond working with a therapist because 1) we don't know you IRL or incredibly well, and 2) we're not actually trained therapists. (Well, except for Samurai Jack.)

Your IC says you can't be fixed not because the issue's unfixable; it can't be fixed because you're refusing to work on it. You're being stubborn. If you've decided for yourself that you can't change, then there is no therapist in the world who can help you. If you take the initiative to change your attitude, then your IC has something to work with. 

There are two types of people who can't change: narcissists and peeps who are legits crazy.

Do you fall into either category?

No, I didn't think so.

And for chrissakes, take the focus off the women in this scenario. You say you don't want to subject them to your sh!t. Whatever. Any woman who gets involved with you does so at her own risk, and is with you by her own choice. Let that part go. Focus on how your issues are affecting YOU. It's obviously impacting your life in a negative way. It cost you your marriage. As it currently stands, it will prevent you from ever have a healthy, intimate connection with another human being. Is that really how you want to live your life? I don't think it is. But you still REFUSE to do anything about it. It isn't even like you're being apathetic, and saying that you'll do something about it, but then never do... 

You are actively fighting against doing the very thing that's best for YOU! Why? Why are you refusing to do this for YOURSELF? It's like you WANT to be miserable. Why?

Do you think you deserve to be miserable?


----------



## Lone Shadow

RD, I found this on the forum here. I don't remember which thread I found it on, or who posted it, but it resonated with me. I sit down once or twice a week and read it. The reaffirmation is great. 

Don't look for any hidden meanings in it. Just read and appreciate it for what it is. Think about what it means, and what it means to you. Think about how you want to live your life, and how this can help. It makes for a great road map.



> My Responsibility
> 
> I am responsible for my relationship to you
> I am responsible for the way I see you
> I am responsible for letting you see the inner me
> I am responsible for correcting false images of me that I give to you
> I am responsible for my judgments of you
> 
> I am responsible for my understanding of what you say and do
> I am responsible for any hurts I allow myself to feel about you
> I am responsible for any desire or needs I feel toward you
> I am responsible for frustrations of my desires or needs toward you
> I am responsible for any hostility I allow myself to feel toward you
> 
> I am responsible because I choose to be responsible
> I am responsible because it gives me pleasure
> I am responsible because it gives me control
> I am responsible because it gives me freedom
> I am responsible because it gives me relaxation
> 
> I choose not to be responsible for your relationship to me
> I choose not to be responsible for your communications to me
> I choose not to be responsible for such impossibilities
> For if I should choose to feel responsible for your happiness
> Then I would feel guilty about your unhappiness
> And if I should try to make you responsible for my unhappiness
> Then I would feel responsible for your misery about my unhappiness
> 
> When I am responsible and know it, I am free
> When I am responsible and don't know it, I'm still responsible
> And therefore, since I am responsible anyway,
> I choose to be aware of the blessing of being responsible
> 
> What a pleasure it is to know the freedom and power of my responsibility
> For responsibility is love in motion
> And responsibility is the toast of one soul to another
> 
> - Author Unknown


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> RD, I found this on the forum here. I don't remember which thread I found it on, or who posted it, but it resonated with me. I sit down once or twice a week and read it. The reaffirmation is great.
> 
> Don't look for any hidden meanings in it. Just read and appreciate it for what it is. Think about what it means, and what it means to you. Think about how you want to live your life, and how this can help. It makes for a great road map.


That's really good. I'm glad you shared it--I haven't seen it before.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> I don't see it as defeatism, having managed this issue successfully for a few months when ex-GF and I were dating. I know I can do it - yes I found my limit towards the end sure, but I'm proud of having made it even that far regardless; as ex-GF did not go through the emotional rollercoasters that I put my ex-wife through.
> 
> You say my issue is the fact that I dumped my ex-GF as I did not wish to disappoint her yes? Pfft of course I did. *What's the alternative? Hang on to her and put her through the same sh-t I put my ex-wife through? Hot, cold, hot, cold, when I get stressed that's what happens. I spared ex-GF from all that BS, there's only so much I could take before I snapped, *I'm fking human so give me a break. I got rid of her before I snapped.
> 
> Unable to deal with fallout? I've dealt with all of them, time and time again in a mature fashion, ex-wife and I are very civil and although ex-GF hates me now - if you have actually read how I dealt with the fallout could you have advised me differently? I gave her complete closure with full transparency.
> 
> As for my issues - if it's so easy to fix, what ideas do you have? What can I even do to fix it? The only way I can see is for me to try again, keep trying and getting better at managing these issues. What some of you are suggesting seems to be sitting on my hands idly by and hoping it somehow gets fixed. Nothing in life works that way, so what are you guys even on about?
> 
> The problem is, by keeping on trying - more heartbreaks like my ex-GF being dumped 2 days from V-day. Is it wrong of me to feel guilt over that? Not to mention previous partners all the way to my ex-wife who suffered the most out of any woman in my life. This is why FBs/FWBs is the most logical lifestyle choice for me, regardless of the whispering desire for emotional companionship that of course - everyone wants but doesn't mean everyone will get.
> 
> Anyway ex-wife and I have been seperated for years now, and I did not jump to casual sex straight after we seperated; Just to clarify that as it seems folks are going off-base again.


RD, dont lose sight of the crap that your STBX put you through, I remember your old threads. You put her up on a pedestal since you separated, but she had some very SERIOUS issues.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> RD, dont lose sight of the crap that your STBX put you through, I remember your old threads. You put her up on a pedestal since you separated, but she had some very SERIOUS issues.


:iagree:

I'd never read your older threads, and 3x's post here prompted me to do so. There's a lot of them, but I didn't have to read much before I came to the same conclusion...

It sounds like you're taking on all the blame for the failure of your marriage, and you need to get that straight in your head. Yeah, everyone here bears _some_ responsibility, but you're definitely looking at her through rose-colored lenses, and whitewashing the past. She was crazy, and put you through hell. So she's just as responsible as you are for the failure of the marriage. TAKE HER OFF THE PEDESTAL.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> :iagree:
> TAKE HER OFF THE PEDESTAL.


QFT.

Not a single person on this planet is perfect. Don't do someone the injustice of placing them on a pedestal. In the case of your ex, destroy the pedestal and move on.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Lone Shadow said:


> QFT.
> 
> Not a single person on this planet is perfect. Don't do someone the injustice of placing them on a pedestal. In the case of your ex, destroy the pedestal and move on.


Better yet....kick the pedestal out from under her...

It would be helpful to know the condition you refer to that you "cannot change".


----------



## Jellybeans

FeministInPink said:


> I have a pair of purple Pumas


Me, too. :smthumbup:



RandomDude said:


> I don't like leading people on, and my casual relationships have always been as transparent as I can make it. One thing I don't like is for my FBs/FWBs to turn around and tell me that I led them on when I pride myself in my honesty.
> 
> Ex-GF stung me when she insisted that I led her on when well, I don't know... I did like her, things just changed.


Well I am not gonna knock you for telling people straight up you don't want a relationship and you only want to fck. Hell, I find that respectable. 

The leading on is not good though. FIrst you said FWB, then you said "ex-girl" - so which is it? I think the mistake you made with the last one was that she was staying over all the time. That in and of itself means NOT casual. Although you did kinda say she was your girlfriend.

I think maybe you thought you were into a relationship cause she was staying over a lot but realized you don't want one. So you ended it. Good. It woulda been worse had you kept up things as they were with her thinking it was going somewhere when it wasn't.

I really think it'd do you good to be solo for a bit. You seem the type who can't be alone. Or you need to just straight up find a lover, someone who isn't going to be in your life beyond the bedroom and keep it as that. Everything you claim says you're not ready to be in a relationship. Which is fine. Just make sure you adhere to that is all. "Nothing beyond fcking" is what you need to tell these ladies. If they're into that, then good. If not, axe it.


----------



## RandomDude

We were FWBs until we went overseas together, came back a little too close for comfort. We only became BF/GF when I made it "official"  , but yes we were "almost" BF/GF with the way our FWB arrangement worked. We were constantly assured that we were not each other's type for a relationship, hence we explored our sexuality frequently together. However, over time I guess we rubbed off / grew on each other.

I know my ex had very serious issues but looking back at my old threads I mostly see my own immaturity. When I ask "would I deal with it differently now?" the answer is always yes. Hence when I think about her past issues I go "I could manage it now", and it helps that she has matured herself over the years.

As for why we haven't divorced, we're waiting for our forms to be processed.

As for my issue it's the same; manageable but not fixable. It doesn't mean that I can't manage it to the point that no one knows I even have the issue, but it comes out with certain triggers. Many past pains have been healed but the scars remain especially from childhood which colors my whole mentality of life. Its not like I haven't been trying to fix it, I came to accept it sure, but it doesn't mean I stopped trying to manage it to the point I can at least be "normal" most of the time.

As for relationships being the best thing for me - I question the logic of that based on many past relationships. I was content with casual relationships, remember me preaching about it? FWBs for the win and all that? It's because I believed in it. The relationship still happened because I did not respect the rules of the game when it comes to FWB arrangements, I tried to push them.

Anyway it's easter and it's pissing down with rain, was planning to take my daughter out to the easter show but oh well.


----------



## ne9907

Hi all!!!

I posted some photos from Machu Picchu~
The Argentinian poet is the guy sitting next to me.

So much fun <3


----------



## Jellybeans

RandomDude said:


> _*We were FWBs until we went overseas together*_, came back a little too close for comfort.


FWB don't travel overseas together. You know that. Lol.


----------



## Jellybeans

You're seeing a man for a few months and notice half-drank alcohol at his house (he doesn't drink). You ask about it, he says friend brought it over a few days ago, you ask which friend, he says woman's name. You say that's odd he didn't mention hanging with said friend, he says he didn't mention cause not important, they're good/old friends and friend wanted to see remodel on his house, says she's only there half hour. You ask about it and then he says "she comes over sometimes" to his house to hang - that she's been over three-ish time since you've been dating/says she knows you're dating and that sometimes they grab a beer out. 

He has never mentioned her ever hanging at his house before to you. 

Is this weird?

You know the woman's facebook and kind of want to ask her but don't want to be psycho. 

What would you think / do?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> You're seeing a man for a few months and notice half-drank alcohol at his house (he doesn't drink). You ask about it, he says friend brought it over a few days ago, you ask which friend, he says woman's name. You say that's odd he didn't mention hanging with said friend, he says he didn't mention cause not important, they're good/old friends and friend wanted to see remodel on his house, says she's only there half hour. You ask about it and then he says "she comes over sometimes" to his house to hang - that she's been over three-ish time since you've been dating/says she knows you're dating and that sometimes they grab a beer out.
> 
> He has never mentioned her ever hanging at his house before to you.
> 
> Is this weird?
> 
> You know the woman's facebook and kind of want to ask her but don't want to be psycho.
> 
> What would you think / do?


Say* "NEXT!!!"*


----------



## ne9907

Relax Jelly
It is perfectly normal. Would you have been as inquisitive if he had said a man's name?
Do not FB message her!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lone Shadow

3Xnocharm said:


> Say* "NEXT!!!"*


Agreed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Is this the same guy as before? The one with the text from an unknown number saying, can't wait to kiss you, and then was all secretive with his phone, and that type of sh!t?

If so... you need to let this one go.

But you've also said that you don't really want a relationship. If you tell a guy that you don't want a relationship, you can't really expect him to be exclusive. (But if he was really into you, he wouldn't be seeing other chicks anyway.)


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> FWB don't travel overseas together. You know that. Lol.


I know, I made a bad call. Lesson learnt...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I would LERV to take a woman overseas.. Just sayin'...


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I would LERV to take a woman overseas.. Just sayin'...


I have a passport in need of more stamps, and I've got the travel bug. Just sayin'... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Where should we go babe?


----------



## ne9907

Peru was a journey I had to take alone, most of you remember the reason. I absolutely loved every part of it, from the exotic guinea pig dish that I could not possibly eat, to a dream the messenger of the Gods sent me.
I am happy. I do not want a relationship. Most of you have told me to stay away from the "c0ck." It has never been about the c0ck, but about companionship. I do not desire this companionship nor this fabled c0ck. I enjoyed myself immensely in Peru. 
The fact that a 28 year old Argentinian poet gave me his undivided attention and lust helped tremendously in this decision.
I want to be able to enjoy everything that being single entails. I do not want a relationship.
I want to be able to backpack my way through Europe if I want to quit my job. I want romance, passion, love, crazy nights spent looking at the moon, love making by an Amazonian river. I want adventure. I am too old and too jaded to settle for someone who does not meet everything I want. Hence, I will say good bye to railroad guy, he wants more than what I am willing to give, he always has. 
I still have a lot of anger inside, but it is dissipating each day which goes by.

There are so many wonderful and amazing places on our planet that I am yearning to see. If you all do not see my here more often, do not think I have found a love or forgotten you. 
I simply do not wish to read more about dating because I am susceptible to peer pressure 

I will check in from time to time. I am in love with the idea of love, but I am not the only one. the Argentinian Poet (Pablo) gave me an insight. He said, I have a gram of hope that one day I will find that amazing person I will fall madly in love with.
Well, I too, have a gram of hope. Just one gram. I am a beautiful, intelligent, strong, kind, and amazing woman. I am beauty and would make myself extremely happy for the rest of my life, therefore I know that special person is out there. I will not find this person online. I will let the universe bring him to me. One day it will happen. I have a gram. Just one gram...


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Where should we go babe?


Bali. And New Zealand. To start.

ETA: And the Galagapagos Islands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ynot

ne9907 said:


> Peru was a journey I had to take alone, most of you remember the reason. I absolutely loved every part of it, from the exotic guinea pig dish that I could not possibly eat, to a dream the messenger of the Gods sent me.
> I am happy. I do not want a relationship. Most of you have told me to stay away from the "c0ck." It has never been about the c0ck, but about companionship. I do not desire this companionship nor this fabled c0ck. I enjoyed myself immensely in Peru.
> The fact that a 28 year old Argentinian poet gave me his undivided attention and lust helped tremendously in this decision.
> I want to be able to enjoy everything that being single entails. I do not want a relationship.
> I want to be able to backpack my way through Europe if I want to quit my job. I want romance, passion, love, crazy nights spent looking at the moon, love making by an Amazonian river. I want adventure. I am too old and too jaded to settle for someone who does not meet everything I want. Hence, I will say good bye to railroad guy, he wants more than what I am willing to give, he always has.
> I still have a lot of anger inside, but it is dissipating each day which goes by.
> 
> There are so many wonderful and amazing places on our planet that I am yearning to see. If you all do not see my here more often, do not think I have found a love or forgotten you.
> I simply do not wish to read more about dating because I am susceptible to peer pressure
> 
> I will check in from time to time. I am in love with the idea of love, but I am not the only one. the Argentinian Poet (Pablo) gave me an insight. He said, I have a gram of hope that one day I will find that amazing person I will fall madly in love with.
> Well, I too, have a gram of hope. Just one gram. I am a beautiful, intelligent, strong, kind, and amazing woman. I am beauty and would make myself extremely happy for the rest of my life, therefore I know that special person is out there. I will not find this person online. I will let the universe bring him to me. One day it will happen. I have a gram. Just one gram...


Inspiring! I am embarking on my voyage of discovery now myself.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> TheGoodGuy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Where should we go babe?
> 
> 
> 
> Bali. And New Zealand. To start.
> 
> ETA: And the Galagapagos Islands.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...

Ok. We leave tomorrow. Pack skimpy bathing suits.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Ok. We leave tomorrow. Pack skimpy bathing suits.


 All right, passport and skimpy bathing suits, ready to go!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

I have a love-hate relationship with spring. I love the warmer weather, breaking out my dresses, and driving with the sunroof open. But... Oy! The cherry blossoms and everything else in DC! I never had allergies until I moved here. My sinuses are going bonkers, and my eyes itch like crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

So horny yet my fleshlight hasn't arrived, last night dreamt of making love to a stunning goddess, woke up when I was going to start ramming! BAH! Why the good dreams always end on the best parts?

Also spent all day thinking about burying my face between a nice pair of legs... I need to ram something real bad 

Tempted to just hook up and don't give a sh-t if they are FB-material or not, just fk 'em and leave 'em. But of course, that will go against what I stand for... yet temptation is stronger now. 

Hope this fleshlight arrives soon, don't want to resort to the hand and make myself impotent again.


----------



## vi_bride04

Geeezus RD, you sound like an animal.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Geeezus RD, you sound like an animal.


I had the same thought....yuck....


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> TheGoodGuy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ok. We leave tomorrow. Pack skimpy bathing suits.
> 
> 
> 
> All right, passport and skimpy bathing suits, ready to go!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...

The car will pull around front soon. Laters Baby!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jellybeans said:


> You're seeing a man for a few months and notice half-drank alcohol at his house (he doesn't drink). You ask about it, he says friend brought it over a few days ago, you ask which friend, he says woman's name. You say that's odd he didn't mention hanging with said friend, he says he didn't mention cause not important, they're good/old friends and friend wanted to see remodel on his house, says she's only there half hour. You ask about it and then he says "she comes over sometimes" to his house to hang - that she's been over three-ish time since you've been dating/says she knows you're dating and that sometimes they grab a beer out.
> 
> He has never mentioned her ever hanging at his house before to you.
> 
> Is this weird?
> 
> You know the woman's facebook and kind of want to ask her but don't want to be psycho.
> 
> What would you think / do?


What would I do?
1) Not use FB.
2) Take sedatives enabling clean break with man, who right or wrong or somewhere in between would not be a good relationship choice for me (or my sexual health security...)
3) Go to the movies.
4) Delete phone number, block incoming calls.
5) Repeat as necessary.

After a while, it gets easy. I had a bit of experience while out trying to 'move on' from boyfriend on good advice.


----------



## TooNice

I talked to my son this weekend about the fact that I am dating. I know I didn't have to. Even my therapist told me more or less that it's my business, not his. I don't function that way, though, and I don't want our relationship to be like that. We enjoy many of the same summer activities, and I would hate to be at an outdoor concert with some dude's arm wrapped around me only to look up and be like, "Oh hey, buddy!". 

I basically introduced it as the next logical step in my life. I told him I have no plans to formally introduce anyone to him until I feel it's someone worth introducing. That said, he may end up meeting someone here or there, and I wanted him to know this is a possibility. 

He's a smart kid, and processed it accordingly. He then asked if I could tell him when our marriage was over. He explained that he was obviously in a different place in the acceptance process than I was, and just wanted that info to help him with that. I said it was a tough question to really define, but told him when I knew. 

I also told him I don't want to get married right now, but said it'd be nice to have a date to hang out with at some of the cool stuff we have around here in the summer. I know he's a young man who likes to process information, so my hope is that when he's back home in six weeks or so, the thought of me dating will be normalized some. 

We did not talk about his dad, and as far as I know, my ex has not yet brought the OW into his close circles yet. Not my problem or concern. Until it touches my kid. We will cross that bridge then. In the meantime, I feel ok about broaching this. I know he's an adult, but he is still stinging from the divorce. I don't want to hurt him more, but I also am enjoying dating, and don't want to shut it down and pretend I'm not doing it over the best part of the year here. Selfish, but I've learned that's not a bad thing to be.


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Geeezus RD, you sound like an animal.


I am an animal


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I am an animal


Well I guess that explains your unwillingness to grow and evolve your inner self. Animals don't have that higher level of conciseness to improve their self worth, they mainly work off of instinct and survival skills.


----------



## vi_bride04

Interesting... And I see it more and more the younger the person. My sisters are great examples of the instant gratitude mindset.

http://elitedaily.com/dating/generation-giving-up-love/989885/


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Well I guess that explains your unwillingness to grow and evolve your inner self. Animals don't have that higher level of conciseness to improve their self worth, they mainly work off of instinct and survival skills.


Woof!

*Wags tail*


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> Well I guess that explains your unwillingness to grow and evolve your inner self. Animals don't have that higher level of conciseness to improve their self worth, they mainly work off of instinct and survival skills.


I see things a bit differently...in that in order to grow, one needs to fully accept and recognize one's animal self. Finding oneself means having the courage to go as far as one's animal self allows one to go, in order to fully discover the beast within, and to tame it, without destroying its true nature and the power of that nature. The key to fully evolving as a human is to embrace the duality of being 100% instinctive animal while engaging in every day civilized activities. The duality of life is deep. 

As deep as a fleshlight, whatever that is.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol really?

*embraces the beast within*

:FIREdevil:


----------



## Ynot

RandomDude said:


> Lol really?
> 
> *embraces the beast within*
> 
> :FIREdevil:


RD you are not embracing the beast within, you are allowing it to control you because you are weak. It is easier for you to make excuses or rationalize it than it is to face the coward within.


----------



## RandomDude

Wow, calling me weak and a coward for posting a vent?

Rather vicious of you don't you think? Someone shat on your dinner last night?


----------



## Ynot

RandomDude said:


> Wow, calling me weak and a coward for posting a vent?
> 
> Rather vicious of you don't you think? Someone shat on your dinner last night?


We are all weak, so don't be so defensive. I didn't call you a coward. I said there is a coward within. We all have a coward within. Especially me. Recognize it. Face it, conquer it! Veni, Vidi, Vici! Doing so will make you a stronger person.


----------



## RandomDude

Not what you say but how you say it mate, take note 

Anyway just don't take my brain farts so seriously, I need to vent/vomit out my frustrations somewhere. It's not I'm offending anyone in this little corner of the internet with my vents.

Its a shock to my system every time I go from regular sex to none at all, body/mind takes time to adjust.


----------



## Ynot

RandomDude said:


> Not what you say but how you say it mate, take note
> 
> Anyway just don't take my brain farts so seriously, I need to vent/vomit out my frustrations somewhere. It's not I'm offending anyone in this little corner of the internet with my vents.
> 
> Its a shock to my system every time I go from regular sex to none at all, body/mind takes time to adjust.


It is all good here. Internet forums do not make for the most concise communication. Meanings are lost in interpretation. It is hard to know "where" someone is at on the spectrum when addressing them.


----------



## RandomDude

Was thinking I should remember to use /end vent at the end of every vent so people don't take them seriously like I did a few times.


----------



## bkyln309

RD: Its your life. Your choice. No one can tell you what is right for you. If you are doing what makes you happy, right now. I applaud you. No one can tell you that you are wrong.

I find that internet boards have people who post with the best intentions at heart . But most of it is pop psychology taken from articles off the internet or from books. If you really have an issue go to a psychologist who over a period of time can truly figure out what the root of the issue is if any. It may just be a phase you are going through. Take everything else with a grain of salt. 

I will only say there is only one way to live your life. Your way! You are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror and be ok.


----------



## Gonna Make It

Well, it is official. Final order signed today. As a final jab, she filed an amended motion this AM at 6 local time requesting her maiden name be restored. Too bad she did not ask first, I would have paid her to change her name!


----------



## Hoosier

Lol. Gonna Make It, I almost offered to pay her change hers back, then found out her and POSOM were getting married, taken care of within 6 months


----------



## bkyln309

Gonna Make It said:


> Well, it is official. Final order signed today. As a final jab, she filed an amended motion this AM at 6 local time requesting her maiden name be restored. Too bad she did not ask first, I would have paid her to change her name!


Im sorry and Congratulations! Welcome to your new life!!!


----------



## Healer

Hi guys, been a while. Hope you're all well. Things with GG took a bad turn yesterday. 

I've been getting my house ready to sell - a bunch of renos and stuff - a huge amount of work. It conditionally sold last week. Major stress as anyone who's sold a home knows. Possession is May 15 so I made a conditional offer on a home last night. GG and I have been seeing each other nearly 3 months. We only see each other every second weekend and maybe once during the week for lunch. That's just how our schedules are.

Admittedly I've been preoccupied with the house - nothing terrible - just maybe a bit distracted. I haven't broken any dates or anything. But lately she's been hinting at wanting more. A few days ago asked me what I was thinking about love and life, what are my fears and what do I look forward to, what's holding me back etc. I told her I was just overwhelmed with the house and look forward to things settling so we can enjoy our time together.

She told me her feelings for me were getting stronger, but that she doesn't want to get hurt. I was reassuring and just reiterated it's a nutty time for me right now.

We were supposed to see each other this weekend and meet for lunch this week. Yesterday, via text, she says "I've been thinking about you, about us. I need more. Seems like bad timing. Sorry. Wish it was different. Your time and attention is limited. If we take this off the table that frees you up".

Ok, so breakup via text (just how my ex wife ended our marriage! :smthumbup: ). So this comes thru while I'm out house hunting with my Realtor. I didn't respond right away. Later she texts "say something, please???". So I reply "no worries, I understand". Which I do. I've got a hectic life right now and if it's not enough for her, it's not. Move on, no hard feelings.

She replies "It is??? No worries, I understand??? Unreal".

Me: "I;m not sure what you want me to say..."

Her: "I want you to have an opinion, to feel something".

Me: "Oh I do darlin, but you made your decision, and I don't see the point in saying it to you over text".

She proceeded to get angrier and angrier. Saying I'm emotionally unavailable and I should've let her go if she's not "the one" and how at least when she makes a mistake she admits, etc etc. I just proceeded to say I respect her decision and it certainly wasn't my intention to lead her on, and if it was meant to be, she would've been patient and waited out this crazy time in my life, but I get that it wasn't, so take care and be good.

Then she tosses a grenade.

"I terminated a pregnancy last week. It was yours. Sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't. You suck".

I tried calling her but no answer. She then proceeded to text and be angry and **** on me. I said "you did this and then tell me via text?? Why didn't you come talk to me?" She says "I tried". No, she didn't. Not a word about that. All she had to say was "call me, I need to talk to you about something". Or wait until we saw each other this week. Then it was more "I had deeper feelings than you did and I got hurt and that's partly my fault but at least I can admit my mistakes....you're not even human".

I replied "Wow. You broke up with me via text and dropped this bombshell that I wasn't even given notice of and I'm not human?"

That was it. I'm stunned and reeling.


----------



## Wolf1974

Healer said:


> Hi guys, been a while. Hope you're all well. Things with GG took a bad turn yesterday.
> 
> I've been getting my house ready to sell - a bunch of renos and stuff - a huge amount of work. It conditionally sold last week. Major stress as anyone who's sold a home knows. Possession is May 15 so I made a conditional offer on a home last night. GG and I have been seeing each other nearly 3 months. We only see each other every second weekend and maybe once during the week for lunch. That's just how our schedules are.
> 
> Admittedly I've been preoccupied with the house - nothing terrible - just maybe a bit distracted. I haven't broken any dates or anything. But lately she's been hinting at wanting more. A few days ago asked me what I was thinking about love and life, what are my fears and what do I look forward to, what's holding me back etc. I told her I was just overwhelmed with the house and look forward to things settling so we can enjoy our time together.
> 
> She told me her feelings for me were getting stronger, but that she doesn't want to get hurt. I was reassuring and just reiterated it's a nutty time for me right now.
> 
> We were supposed to see each other this weekend and meet for lunch this week. Yesterday, via text, she says "I've been thinking about you, about us. I need more. Seems like bad timing. Sorry. Wish it was different. Your time and attention is limited. If we take this off the table that frees you up".
> 
> Ok, so breakup via text (just how my ex wife ended our marriage! :smthumbup: ). So this comes thru while I'm out house hunting with my Realtor. I didn't respond right away. Later she texts "say something, please???". So I reply "no worries, I understand". Which I do. I've got a hectic life right now and if it's not enough for her, it's not. Move on, no hard feelings.
> 
> She replies "It is??? No worries, I understand??? Unreal".
> 
> Me: "I;m not sure what you want me to say..."
> 
> Her: "I want you to have an opinion, to feel something".
> 
> Me: "Oh I do darlin, but you made your decision, and I don't see the point in saying it to you over text".
> 
> She proceeded to get angrier and angrier. Saying I'm emotionally unavailable and I should've let her go if she's not "the one" and how at least when she makes a mistake she admits, etc etc. I just proceeded to say I respect her decision and it certainly wasn't my intention to lead her on, and if it was meant to be, she would've been patient and waited out this crazy time in my life, but I get that it wasn't, so take care and be good.
> 
> Then she tosses a grenade.
> 
> "I terminated a pregnancy last week. It was yours. Sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't. You suck".
> 
> I tried calling her but no answer. She then proceeded to text and be angry and **** on me. I said "you did this and then tell me via text?? Why didn't you come talk to me?" She says "I tried". No, she didn't. Not a word about that. All she had to say was "call me, I need to talk to you about something". Or wait until we saw each other this week. Then it was more "I had deeper feelings than you did and I got hurt and that's partly my fault but at least I can admit my mistakes....you're not even human".
> 
> I replied "Wow. You broke up with me via text and dropped this bombshell that I wasn't even given notice of and I'm not human?"
> 
> That was it. I'm stunned and reeling.


Welcome to dating post divorce brother :smthumbup:

Seriously I know this hurts now but you will look back on this one day and laugh as I do with the many crazy ass dates and GF I had as well. I wouldn't buy for a second about the pregnancy thing. Sounds like she was just trying to cut you for the supposedly slight. I would seriously consider this a land mine you sidestepped and move forward.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> *"I terminated a pregnancy last week. It was yours. Sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't. You suck".*
> 
> I tried calling her but no answer. She then proceeded to text and be angry and **** on me. I said "you did this and then tell me via text?? Why didn't you come talk to me?" She says "I tried". No, she didn't. Not a word about that. All she had to say was "call me, I need to talk to you about something". Or wait until we saw each other this week. Then it was more "I had deeper feelings than you did and I got hurt and that's partly my fault but at least I can admit my mistakes....you're not even human".


Healer, for whatever its worth, I dont believe this for a second!  If something like this had been going on with her, you would have KNOWN that SOMETHING was up! No way could she be casual and normal around you if she was dealing with this.


----------



## Jellybeans

Dizaaaang, Healer!

Sorry to hear all that!!! 

She decided to dump you via text (omg your wife did this with your marriage--wtf?!) - and then she gets mad when you don't respond in kind or, rather, the way she wanted... 

And so you're acting cool and etc and then, BAM -- bombshell - VIA TEXT. OMG. 

Healer, I am sorry this happened to you. Do know, it was both her choice to end it and her choice to terminate the pregnancy. She said she wanted to talk to you and when you called her to speak, she did not mention it at all. That's on her. 

Sending you a great big hug. I hope everything goes well with your house. If you date again, use protection. For real.

How long were you dating her for?



3Xnocharm said:


> Healer, for whatever its worth, I dont believe this for a second!  If something like this had been going on with her, you would have KNOWN that SOMETHING was up! No way could she be casual and normal around you if she was dealing with this.


I wondered that, too, about whether she made it up. Some people though, really do take everything on themselves. It could be that she felt so emotionally disconnected from him that she never even said anything about it to him with the distance she was feeling. Crappy way to go about it but it's possible. Or maybe she just lied about it.


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Healer, for whatever its worth, I dont believe this for a second!  If something like this had been going on with her, you would have KNOWN that SOMETHING was up! No way could she be casual and normal around you if she was dealing with this.


That's my thought. NO WAY she could've been all cool and casual. And WHY would she she say nothing until after she broke it off and then I said "yeah OK, I'm cool with that" and she got all angry?

So you guys are calling bull****? Also, she knows me well enough to know she could talk to me about that...I'm not some callous bastard. It would've been just as much my problem as hers and I shoud've been privy to it. So either way - real or fake - what a horrible thing for her to do. Crazy!


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Dizaaaang, Healer!
> 
> Sorry to hear all that!!!
> 
> She decided to dump you via text (omg your wife did this with your marriage--wtf?!) - and then she gets mad when you don't respond in kind or, rather, the way she wanted...
> 
> And so you're acting cool and etc and then, BAM -- bombshell - VIA TEXT. OMG.
> 
> Healer, I am sorry this happened to you. Do know, it was both her choice to end it and her choice to terminate the pregnancy. She said she wanted to talk to you and when you called her to speak, she did not mention it at all. That's on her.
> 
> Sending you a great big hug. I hope everything goes well with your house. If you date again, use protection. For real.
> 
> How long were you dating her for?
> 
> 
> 
> I wondered that, too, about whether she made it up. Some people though, really do take everything on themselves. It could be that she felt so emotionally disconnected from him that she never even said anything about it to him with the distance she was feeling. Crappy way to go about it but it's possible. Or maybe she just lied about it.


Thanks JB. Yes - my ex wife, ended it via text, on our daughter's 5th birthday. I **** you not. I know how to pick em, hey?

She was obviously expecting me to beg her to stay or whatever. Call her a ****ing *****, who knows. My coolness enraged her.

I guess I'll never know the truth.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> I guess I'll never know the truth.


Sadly, you probably never will. And your ex-wife -- really? Text and on your daughter's birthday? Oh my. I feel for you.




Healer said:


> *She was obviously expecting me to beg her to stay or whatever.* Call her a ****ing *****, who knows.* My coolness enraged her*.


Healer, this is how I've handled most every time I've been dumped. And there are some people for whom that reaction really gets to when you are really calm with the decision. 

Hope everything else is going ok and the house stuff is as painless as possible.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Hi guys, been a while. Hope you're all well. Things with GG took a bad turn yesterday.
> 
> I've been getting my house ready to sell - a bunch of renos and stuff - a huge amount of work. It conditionally sold last week. Major stress as anyone who's sold a home knows. Possession is May 15 so I made a conditional offer on a home last night. GG and I have been seeing each other nearly 3 months. We only see each other every second weekend and maybe once during the week for lunch. That's just how our schedules are.
> 
> Admittedly I've been preoccupied with the house - nothing terrible - just maybe a bit distracted. I haven't broken any dates or anything. But lately she's been hinting at wanting more. A few days ago asked me what I was thinking about love and life, what are my fears and what do I look forward to, what's holding me back etc. I told her I was just overwhelmed with the house and look forward to things settling so we can enjoy our time together.
> 
> She told me her feelings for me were getting stronger, but that she doesn't want to get hurt. I was reassuring and just reiterated it's a nutty time for me right now.
> 
> We were supposed to see each other this weekend and meet for lunch this week. Yesterday, via text, she says "I've been thinking about you, about us. I need more. Seems like bad timing. Sorry. Wish it was different. Your time and attention is limited. If we take this off the table that frees you up".
> 
> Ok, so breakup via text (just how my ex wife ended our marriage! :smthumbup: ). So this comes thru while I'm out house hunting with my Realtor. I didn't respond right away. Later she texts "say something, please???". So I reply "no worries, I understand". Which I do. I've got a hectic life right now and if it's not enough for her, it's not. Move on, no hard feelings.
> 
> She replies "It is??? No worries, I understand??? Unreal".
> 
> Me: "I;m not sure what you want me to say..."
> 
> Her: "I want you to have an opinion, to feel something".
> 
> Me: "Oh I do darlin, but you made your decision, and I don't see the point in saying it to you over text".
> 
> She proceeded to get angrier and angrier. Saying I'm emotionally unavailable and I should've let her go if she's not "the one" and how at least when she makes a mistake she admits, etc etc. I just proceeded to say I respect her decision and it certainly wasn't my intention to lead her on, and if it was meant to be, she would've been patient and waited out this crazy time in my life, but I get that it wasn't, so take care and be good.
> 
> Then she tosses a grenade.
> 
> "I terminated a pregnancy last week. It was yours. Sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't. You suck".
> 
> I tried calling her but no answer. She then proceeded to text and be angry and **** on me. I said "you did this and then tell me via text?? Why didn't you come talk to me?" She says "I tried". No, she didn't. Not a word about that. All she had to say was "call me, I need to talk to you about something". Or wait until we saw each other this week. Then it was more "I had deeper feelings than you did and I got hurt and that's partly my fault but at least I can admit my mistakes....you're not even human".
> 
> I replied "Wow. You broke up with me via text and dropped this bombshell that I wasn't even given notice of and I'm not human?"
> 
> That was it. I'm stunned and reeling.


wow...

How are you holding up Healer? 
She sounds a bit crazy? Why would she not tell you she is pregnant? and were you not using protection? was she not on the pill? What is going on? You guys were only dating for three months? Did she want to get pregnant?? 
Wow... I am reeling....
DO not contact this one again please...


----------



## BlueWoman

Healer said:


> Then she tosses a grenade.
> 
> "I terminated a pregnancy last week. It was yours. Sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't. You suck".
> 
> .


There is a small possibility this could be true. But I doubt it. 

There are two possibilities that are more believable. 
1) She is actually pregnant right now and trying to decide what to do. Instead of talking to you like an adult she becomes manipulative and tries to push you to be more involved. This backfires on her, she freaks and tells you the pregnancy is terminated.
2) She was never pregnant, but wanted you to be more involved in the relationship. Instead of talking to you like an adult, she becomes manipulative. The plan backfires, and decides she wants to hurt you. 

Possibility 1) is forgivable, because if she is pregnant she has tons of hormones messing with her and she's probably freaked out. 
At this point though, there is nothing you can do about it. She either actually going to terminate it. 
Or she's going to keep it. You won't have a say in it. 
You should probably finagle a way to lay your eyes on her in about 5 months to see if you are about to be a daddy. 

Possibility 2) is completely unforgivable. It's manipulative and vicious.

If her story is true...well those are some serious red flags, be glad she ended things with you now.


----------



## Gonna Make It

Healer said:


> Thanks JB. Yes - my ex wife, ended it via text, on our daughter's 5th birthday. I **** you not. I know how to pick em, hey?


Wow, your ex and mine must be related. Mine ended our marriage by text too. But she did it on our 21st anniversary.

Sounds like the GG was trying to get you to commit to something you were not ready to commit to and when she tried to push you into it, you threw her for a loop by saying that you understand. Bullet dodged. Even if it hurts like heck.


----------



## TooNice

Wow...I am so sorry, Healer. But whether she is giving you a story or not, it sounds like she was not ready for a relationship. That's pretty messed up. 

I hope you're hanging in there ok. The house stuff will fall into place. It always does!


----------



## TooNice

Gonna Make It said:


> Wow, your ex and mine must be related. Mine ended our marriage by text too. But she did it on our 21st anniversary.


Seriously? What is wrong with people?

I will also say congrats and I'm sorry. It sounded strange the first time I heard it myself several weeks ago. But fitting. Welcome to your fresh start.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Healer, she sounds like a sh!t. Her attitude smells like it too. No doubt this stings a bit, but she did you a favor.

As for the pregnancy claim, unless she has proof, who knows.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> Sadly, you probably never will. And your ex-wife -- really? Text and on your daughter's birthday? Oh my. I feel for you.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Healer, this is how I've handled most every time I've been dumped. And there are some people for whom that reaction really gets to when you are really calm with the decision.
> 
> Hope everything else is going ok and the house stuff is as painless as possible.


Yup - pretty vicious. I remember my daughter's birthday the year after that - painful. Should be a happy time all about her - and it was just a painful reminder. The year after was much better. Now? I'm just happy to be rid of her.

Re: the dumping thing - hilarious. I loathe manipulators. You end it via text, I accept it gracefully and now I'm a POS? Yeah, OK!


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> wow...
> 
> How are you holding up Healer?
> She sounds a bit crazy? Why would she not tell you she is pregnant? and were you not using protection? was she not on the pill? What is going on? You guys were only dating for three months? Did she want to get pregnant??
> Wow... I am reeling....
> DO not contact this one again please...


Pretty stressed. Not what I needed right now. She turned into this raging, manipulative ***** out of nowhere.

No - I was an idiot and we didn't use protection. She claimed she knew her cycles, had it marked on a calendar and we avoided the "danger zone" Yes, I know, totally idiotic. And it's entirely possible it's true. Lesson learned. I trusted her word that she knew her body. She didn't want to have more kids, or told me that anyway.

I hope never to see or hear from her ever again.


----------



## Healer

BlueWoman said:


> There is a small possibility this could be true. But I doubt it.
> 
> There are two possibilities that are more believable.
> 1) She is actually pregnant right now and trying to decide what to do. Instead of talking to you like an adult she becomes manipulative and tries to push you to be more involved. This backfires on her, she freaks and tells you the pregnancy is terminated.
> 2) She was never pregnant, but wanted you to be more involved in the relationship. Instead of talking to you like an adult, she becomes manipulative. The plan backfires, and decides she wants to hurt you.
> 
> Possibility 1) is forgivable, because if she is pregnant she has tons of hormones messing with her and she's probably freaked out.
> At this point though, there is nothing you can do about it. She either actually going to terminate it.
> Or she's going to keep it. You won't have a say in it.
> You should probably finagle a way to lay your eyes on her in about 5 months to see if you are about to be a daddy.
> 
> Possibility 2) is completely unforgivable. It's manipulative and vicious.
> 
> If her story is true...well those are some serious red flags, be glad she ended things with you now.


I seriously hope she's not still pregnant. Either way, this is terrible and she's manipulative. I'm an idiot.


----------



## Healer

Gonna Make It said:


> Wow, your ex and mine must be related. Mine ended our marriage by text too. But she did it on our 21st anniversary.
> 
> Sounds like the GG was trying to get you to commit to something you were not ready to commit to and when she tried to push you into it, you threw her for a loop by saying that you understand. Bullet dodged. Even if it hurts like heck.


If she just goes away and this is the end of everything, I'm good. I'm afraid of what she has up her sleeve honestly. I don't know what she's capable of.


----------



## Healer

06Daddio08 said:


> Healer, she sounds like a sh!t. Her attitude smells like it too. No doubt this stings a bit, but she did you a favor.
> 
> As for the pregnancy claim, unless she has proof, who knows.


She's just nasty. No wonder she told me she hadn't had sex in so long and never had a boyfriend. She's bat**** crazy and not nice at all.

I may have been guilty of being a little distracted the past while, but I hardly deserved what she's unleashed on me. I don't get it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Healer said:


> She didn't want to have more kids, or told me that anyway.


Holy crap.... Guys please listen to actions not words...

If she truly didn't want to have kids she would get on the f'ing pill or use another form of birth control!!!!

Don't ever trust a girl and go bareback just cuz she says it's OK... Damn fellas.... Make sure you've seen her pop a pill or something!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer! Good to see you. Sorry it's under these circumstances.

My thoughts mirror a couple others, in that odds are good she lied about the pregnancy. Even if she was just a month along, she wouldn't have been able to hide the emotional train wreck that she would have been following an abortion. It's very, very similar to a miscarriage. 

Dismiss the crazy. Revel in knowing that the crazy became apparent so early, instead of another 8 months down the road.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> Holy crap.... Guys please listen to actions not words...
> 
> If she truly didn't want to have kids she would get on the f'ing pill or use another form of birth control!!!!
> 
> Don't ever trust a girl and go bareback just cuz she says it's OK... Damn fellas.... Make sure you've seen her pop a pill or something!


Or just take care of the problem yourself. 


_*snip*_


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> Or just take care of the problem yourself.
> 
> 
> _*snip*_


Even better idea!!


----------



## Wolf1974

Lone Shadow said:


> Or just take care of the problem yourself.
> 
> 
> _*snip*_


Yep that's what I did so when this similar situation happened to me and the woman went on and on about how she thought she was pregnant and I kept saying not mine not mine. was a great feeling. Best decision I ever made was to get snipped


----------



## Lone Shadow

Wolf, I'm pregnant. I don't know how to say this, but... It's yours. I know it's yours. I can feel it in my bones. 


Wait, sorry. Just some gas. Damn Taco Bell.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

DAYUM Healer... just DAYUM... Hang in there brother, I hope it was all manipulative bull****. I mean, telling a man you terminated a pregancy 1) without his knowledge 2) and via text? Holy hell...

And dangit, I take offense this this crazy person sharing my 2 digit nickname (GG) on here! /sarcasm


----------



## BlueWoman

Healer said:


> No - I was an idiot and we didn't use protection. She claimed she knew her cycles, had it marked on a calendar and we avoided the "danger zone" .


It's called the rythm method. You know what they call couples who use the rythm method for birth control? 

Parents.

Use a condom. Every time.


----------



## Lone Shadow

BlueWoman said:


> It's called the rythm method. You know what they call couples who use the rythm method for birth control?
> 
> Parents.
> 
> Use a condom. Every time.


Catholic birth control. Pull 'n Pray!:smthumbup:


----------



## Wolf1974

Lone Shadow said:


> Wolf, I'm pregnant. I don't know how to say this, but... It's yours. I know it's yours. I can feel it in my bones.
> 
> 
> Wait, sorry. Just some gas. Damn Taco Bell.


:rofl:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer, just be glad she wasn't crazy enough to try trapping you with something like this:

Women peddling positive pregnancy tests on CRAIGSLIST to help 'keep your man' | Daily Mail Online


----------



## RandomDude

Going to take to the skies methinks, clear my mind, take the glider out for a flight... if only the weather is reliable where I live... sunny day, thunderstorm in two hours, cloudy again, sunbreak... thunderstorm... *sigh*


----------



## Lone Shadow

With love. Enjoy the weather, go for a glide.


----------



## bkyln309

Healer: All I can say is you dodged a bullet. Her breaking up with you is the best thing that ever happened to you. She is a disaster. 

And learn from this: SNIP SNIP!!


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Re: the dumping thing - hilarious.
> 
> *You end it via text, I accept it gracefully and now I'm a POS? Yeah, OK!*


It is pretty funny, isn't it? 



Healer said:


> No - I was an idiot and we didn't use protection. She claimed she knew her cycles, had it marked on a calendar and we avoided the "danger zone" Yes, I know, totally idiotic.
> 
> I trusted her word that she knew her body.


Do not buy this in the future! The fact is, it only takes one little sperm friend to make it to her uterus, and that is a scary fcking thought. Use protection and/or get a vasectomy if you don't want any more chirruns.

Also, it's weird she's said she's never had a boyfriend - how old is she? 



BlueWoman said:


> It's called the rythm method. You know what they call couples who use the rythm method for birth control?
> 
> Parents.


Bwahahaha :rofl:

My colleague uses this method, too. She has had 3 kids in about 3ish years. Yeah...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Pretty stressed. Not what I needed right now. She turned into this raging, manipulative ***** out of nowhere.
> 
> No - I was an idiot and we didn't use protection. She claimed she knew her cycles, had it marked on a calendar and we avoided the "danger zone" Yes, I know, totally idiotic. And it's entirely possible it's true. Lesson learned. I trusted her word that she knew her body. She didn't want to have more kids, or told me that anyway.
> 
> I hope never to see or hear from her ever again.


:slap::slap::slap:


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> :slap::slap::slap:


It's funny because it's true.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> Dizaaaang, Healer!
> 
> She decided to dump you via text (omg your wife did this with your marriage--wtf?!) - and then she gets mad when you don't respond in kind or, rather, the way she wanted...
> 
> And so you're acting cool and etc and then, BAM -- bombshell - VIA TEXT. OMG.


Yep. I see Healer has met my wifes twin. 
Breaking up vial email is a very popular thing now with the age of electronics. My wife ended a 16 year marriage with two terrific kids via email.

Classy hehe?

Feel better Healer...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Healer, GG sounds like a nutcase. I wouldn't even want someone with that attitude as a friend. Maybe she has a mental illness...or just really weird unrealistic relationship attachments/expectations. 

3 months is way too early having seen each other only every other weekend and once a week to be talking about the future with any sort of logistical way or long term commitment. Maybe short term commitment/exclusivity...

I think she's just freaking out because you're selling a house and getting a new one without her input. She probably expected you to use that occasion to involve her in your decision making as some kind of signal that you were serious about her and solidifying a future with her. That's a creepy thought. A normal person would understand that 3 months of dating is not enough to mix something like buying a house, into your relationship. A healthy person would just steer clear of it, and realize how much space is needed to handle those kind of transactions.

Because of how she's acting, I honestly don't believe that the pregnancy was a real one. But you could always tell her, thank you for doing that, you should have let me know, but you did the right thing because as you know I don't want any children at the moment and it would have made our relationship difficult.

For the record, having unprotected sex with a fertile woman, even if she claims to know her cycles, is a major signal that you are willing to procreate and interested in being her life partner, or at least for 18 years, and also to provide child support in the event she gets her cycle wrong. Do not send those signals if you are not going to be consistent, i.e. involving her in the nest-purchasing...

You should show clear signals in the future, either condoms and spermicide along with keeping track of her cycles yourself (and making sure she's aware you are doing this) or vasectomy.

GG may be nuts, but you were under her spell. Now you can see the light of day, based on her reaction to your level-headed reaction to her provocation. 

Just move on and don't give it another thought, but be aware she may stalk you for a while and have a hissy fit when you demonstrate that you were 'never really into her and just used her' when you go out on a date... (roll eyes).

Sorry it didn't work out, you are better off.

I have had this experience with guys, too. It's mind-blowing, but this is how people experience life/relationships, they blow little things way out of proportion in order to fit their warped perception of the partnering up process.

Then on the other hand, they discount all the run of the mill sincerity that's offered to them that's valid and respectful of boundaries and well-intentioned to build a sound foundation for the future while staying in the valid here and now...


----------



## FeministInPink

:iagree: with Homemaker. QFT.


----------



## Healer

SamuraiJack said:


> Yep. I see Healer has met my wifes twin.
> Breaking up vial email is a very popular thing now with the age of electronics. My wife ended a 16 year marriage with two terrific kids via email.
> 
> Classy hehe?
> 
> Feel better Healer...


Mine was a 14 year marriage, 2 amazing kids. It's abhorrent behavior. Evil actually.


----------



## Healer

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Healer, GG sounds like a nutcase. I wouldn't even want someone with that attitude as a friend. Maybe she has a mental illness...or just really weird unrealistic relationship attachments/expectations.
> 
> 3 months is way too early having seen each other only every other weekend and once a week to be talking about the future with any sort of logistical way or long term commitment. Maybe short term commitment/exclusivity...
> 
> I think she's just freaking out because you're selling a house and getting a new one without her input. She probably expected you to use that occasion to involve her in your decision making as some kind of signal that you were serious about her and solidifying a future with her. That's a creepy thought. A normal person would understand that 3 months of dating is not enough to mix something like buying a house, into your relationship. A healthy person would just steer clear of it, and realize how much space is needed to handle those kind of transactions.
> 
> Because of how she's acting, I honestly don't believe that the pregnancy was a real one. But you could always tell her, thank you for doing that, you should have let me know, but you did the right thing because as you know I don't want any children at the moment and it would have made our relationship difficult.
> 
> For the record, having unprotected sex with a fertile woman, even if she claims to know her cycles, is a major signal that you are willing to procreate and interested in being her life partner, or at least for 18 years, and also to provide child support in the event she gets her cycle wrong. Do not send those signals if you are not going to be consistent, i.e. involving her in the nest-purchasing...
> 
> You should show clear signals in the future, either condoms and spermicide along with keeping track of her cycles yourself (and making sure she's aware you are doing this) or vasectomy.
> 
> GG may be nuts, but you were under her spell. Now you can see the light of day, based on her reaction to your level-headed reaction to her provocation.
> 
> Just move on and don't give it another thought, but be aware she may stalk you for a while and have a hissy fit when you demonstrate that you were 'never really into her and just used her' when you go out on a date... (roll eyes).
> 
> Sorry it didn't work out, you are better off.
> 
> I have had this experience with guys, too. It's mind-blowing, but this is how people experience life/relationships, they blow little things way out of proportion in order to fit their warped perception of the partnering up process.
> 
> Then on the other hand, they discount all the run of the mill sincerity that's offered to them that's valid and respectful of boundaries and well-intentioned to build a sound foundation for the future while staying in the valid here and now...


Great post and all bang on. And yes, I will stop thinking with my wang.


----------



## BlueWoman

Well done, Homemaker.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's disappointing. I mean, I'm sure GG means well and would make a great partner if she could get a handle on her behavior/impulses. It's not a crime to want a commitment, but it's certainly distressing when the communication and respect is lacking :-( And ideally, you want someone who is going to be in control of themselves and not kneejerk when they're feeling vulnerable.

qtf. 1. Quoted for truth. OR 2. Quit ****ing talking.
lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's disappointing. I mean, I'm sure GG means well and would make a great partner if she could get a handle on her behavior/impulses. It's not a crime to want a commitment, but it's certainly distressing when the communication and respect is lacking :-( And ideally, you want someone who is going to be in control of themselves and not kneejerk when they're feeling vulnerable.
> 
> qtf. 1. Quoted for truth. OR 2. Quit ****ing talking.
> lol.


The first one, Homemaker. The first one.


----------



## Healer

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's disappointing. I mean, I'm sure GG means well and would make a great partner if she could get a handle on her behavior/impulses. It's not a crime to want a commitment, but it's certainly distressing when the communication and respect is lacking :-( And ideally, you want someone who is going to be in control of themselves and not kneejerk when they're feeling vulnerable.
> 
> qtf. 1. Quoted for truth. OR 2. Quit ****ing talking.
> lol.


I think either way - if the pregnancy was real or not, how she handled it was really...terrible.

I never indicated I wouldn't commit to her...I just indicated hey, I'm dealing with a huge amount right now, and when things settle down I really look forward to being with you. 

And geez, we only saw each other every other weekend - and that wasn't just my doing - she has her kid a week on/week off. It just so worked that we didn't have our kids on the same weekends. 

But regardless, she showed her true colors - and I think she's a nutbar and when she doesn't get her way, is vicious to boot.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Healer said:


> Mine was a 14 year marriage, 2 amazing kids. It's abhorrent behavior. Evil actually.


The good news is we get to wear special badges at the meetings. That little email sysmbol is actually a babe magnet...I'm kidding.

I have to admit, 80% of the time I can top breakup stories with mine. 
Gotten a lot of free drinks and free...uh..."entertainment" with that one.


----------



## Healer

SamuraiJack said:


> The good news is we get to wear special badges at the meetings. That little email sysmbol is actually a babe magnet...I'm kidding.
> 
> I have to admit, 80% of the time I can top breakup stories with mine.
> Gotten a lot of free drinks and free...uh..."entertainment" with that one.


Sadly, I'm in the other 20%.

Cheers to you. Let's buy each other a beer.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Healer said:


> SamuraiJack said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yep. I see Healer has met my wifes twin.
> Breaking up vial email is a very popular thing now with the age of electronics. My wife ended a 16 year marriage with two terrific kids via email.
> 
> Classy hehe?
> 
> Feel better Healer...
> 
> 
> 
> Mine was a 14 year marriage, 2 amazing kids. It's abhorrent behavior. Evil actually.
Click to expand...

That's horrid. Of course, I wish I'd gotten a text or an email for a clean breakup. A rude breakup is still better than being cheated on.


----------



## Healer

Hopeful Cynic said:


> That's horrid. Of course, I wish I'd gotten a text or an email for a clean breakup. A rude breakup is still better than being cheated on.


How about both? She had been cheating for months (or longer) AND ended it via text. I win!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hopeful Cynic said:


> That's horrid. Of course, I wish I'd gotten a text or an email for a clean breakup. A rude breakup is still better than being cheated on.


Hah, there's the assumption in that statement that nobody cheated...sometimes a rude breakup might be the after-effect of cheating...it's easier than saying, I really dig you but I also dug this other guy, or woman, or whatever... 

It's not one or the other, you can like, have both.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Healer said:


> How about both? She had been cheating for months (or longer) AND ended it via text. I win!


lol Great minds things alike.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

In other news, my guy is doing really well. 
I don't want to go into details out of respect for privacy.

I, on the other hand, got burnt out on a client who I warned repeatedly over the past year, not to kill the goose who lays golden eggs. Goose died. Replaced by sloth. Fortunately there is work for sloth, with just as many hours and just as good/better pay and at sloth-like pace. Scratch head. I think it was just some window of opportunity and I sensed it and my ability to lay golden eggs for the goose-slayer just disintegrated, at the same time I got sick and was pretty much forced to say I'd reached my limit and needed an exit plan...

Now I'm in the 'place' I wanted to be but had no clear plan (that I'm consciously aware of) to get here, other than path of least resistance and most inclination. 

I'm still readjusting to all that. But suddenly have time to knit and actually finished a season of Fringe. I have never watched an whole season of anything before...maybe most of the first season of Lost. But I was on my year long self-funded maternity leave and the rented house had a TV and cable in my bedroom and I was nursing a baby...no such excuse now...just...sloth mode...

My new town I moved to in February is great. It's so easy to live here. My kids love it. I don't have to deal with the terrible two-way state road either, we have interstate/divided highway access. 

And I no longer live in the town where I had to sue my former police officer landlord over habitability (lead paint issues that triggered the feds showing up...for good reason). 

Please please please let life go on for a year or so before anything else stressful happens...longer if possible...

Eldest son is engaged, wedding is next summer :-o


----------



## Gonna Make It

WOW!!!!! Just hit me: for the first time in over two decades, I am single.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> How about both? She had been cheating for months (or longer) AND ended it via text. I win!


She had been cheating for months (or longer) with her father in-law, apparently "lied" about having an affair to "get me upset enough to divorce her," explained that last via text, and still feels entitled to calling herself my wife despite my having already filed for divorce. Do I win?:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude

Fleshlight hasn't arrived, don't know what's wrong with the courier, regardless I think I have to stop all this self-righteous sh-t.

If I just go "I'm not looking for anything serious yet" instead of "I'm only looking for casual sex", I'll have a 90% success rate to get laid instead of a mere 10% (Not to mention I wouldn't even touch them if I get the hint that they are the type who wants a relationship, so more like 5%). Guilt is stupid, empathy is useless in this scenario, have to harden up.

Is that leading them on? Meh, tis the truth, just the "yet" is more like never but whatever.


----------



## Jellybeans

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In other news, my guy is doing really well.
> 
> My new town I moved to in February is great. It's so easy to live here. My kids love it. I don't have to deal with the terrible two-way state road either, we have interstate/divided highway access.


That's awesome, Homemaker.



Lone Shadow said:


> She had been cheating for months (or longer) with her father in-law
> 
> Do I win?:rofl:


Yes, you do win. Your wife cheated with your own father. That's awful, Lone. 



RandomDude said:


> Fleshlight hasn't arrived, don't know what's wrong with the courier, regardless I think I have to stop all this self-righteous sh-t.


Maybe you could call and ask them, "Where is my fleshlight?" :rofl:

Are fleshlights popular? They look so weird.


----------



## Jellybeans

SamuraiJack said:


> I have to admit, 80% of the time I can top breakup stories with mine.
> Gotten a lot of free drinks and free...uh..."entertainment" with that one.


:rofl: Do they let you cry into their boobs?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Gonna Make It said:


> WOW!!!!! Just hit me: for the first time in over two decades, I am single.


And how are you liking it so far?


----------



## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: Do they let you cry into their boobs?


Nah...I dont cry until I'm in the shower the next morning.


----------



## Hoosier

Went to Los Angeles couple of weeks ago to visit my middle daughter. Great visit! Stayed for a week, she didn't work, so we just spent all the time together goofing.

Just prior to finding out about my XW affair, I paid off the loan on my business. To celebrate, I went an bought my XW some diamond earrings. She told me during the D that she was going to give them to middle daughter. Found out she did. Talking to Daughter, she said she had not worn them as she lost the back to one. As I had purchased them from a local jeweler, I told her when I got home I would get another one. Went to jeweler, purchased back, texted daughter "Got the new back. It cost $21 so don't lose another one lol" She texted back, "That back cost more than any piece of jewelry I own!" 

Oh, to be young, carefree, broke. I miss that.....not.


----------



## Healer

Gonna Make It said:


> WOW!!!!! Just hit me: for the first time in over two decades, I am single.


All I can say is, CONGRATULATIONS.


----------



## Healer

A fleshlight is sounding real good right about now. I seem to attract the crazies. At least a fleshlight can't boil your pet rabbit.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Healer said:


> A fleshlight is sounding real good right about now. I seem to attract the crazies. At least a fleshlight can't boil your pet rabbit.


Having a fleshlight means never having to say "What was your name again?"

:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> A fleshlight is sounding real good right about now. I seem to attract the crazies. At least a fleshlight can't boil your pet rabbit.


That's funny, because all the men I meet/attract seem to be emotionally unavailable :rofl:

ETA good reference, BTW.


----------



## Healer

Thinking about this pregnancy thing...you know I saw her the weekend before "that week" and she was fine - we smoked doobies. I chatted with her throughout the week and she never mentioned a thing, never a "we need to talk" or any urgency in her texts. She left one voicemail that was all casual and "oh hey, just called to chat. Give me a ring when you put the kids to bed". Real cheery. I didn't call that night because I got home late from a family Easter gathering - that was the only time I didn't call her back right away. Everything after that was seemingly fine. We texted every day, several times a day. I would think that if she found out she was pregnant and had a ****ing abortion - wouldn't her mood or vibe have changed some? Wouldn't there be some indication? "I need to see you" or "I really need to talk to you"? Would she be able to just continue on, business as usual, then not say a word about it until after she dumps me and I accept it and she gets ragingly pissed off?


----------



## Jellybeans

This is one of those things you will probably never know for sure. She says that she had had one and she either did or didn't.

This kind of reminds me of that Girls episode from this HBO season. Adam's new girlfriend springs it on him one day that she had an abortion, super casually, and he freaks out cause she never told him. And she says she didn't tel him because she 1. didn't want to have a baby and 2. it was her body/her business and she had decided for herself.

Still an awful way to find out Healer. So sorry. 

Lol "Doobies" - I haven't heard anyone call it that in awhile. :asses Healer a spliff::


----------



## SamuraiJack

Doobies...


----------



## RandomDude

Jellybeans said:


> Maybe you could call and ask them, "Where is my fleshlight?" :rofl:
> 
> Are fleshlights popular? They look so weird.


Heh yeah I'm going to, I expect my goods to be delivered!

Weird? Meh, not half as weird as other suggestions on my thread lol


----------



## Jellybeans

SamuraiJack said:


> Doobies...


Haha! The aliens did it! I loove watching those shows. And yeah that guy definitely smokes the doobies. His hair! Is so fascinating!



RandomDude;12347274Weird? said:


> Meh, not half as weird as other suggestions on my thread lol


:rofl:


----------



## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> Haha! The aliens did it! I loove watching those shows. And yeah that guy definitely smokes the doobies. His hair! Is so fascinating!
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:













MORE Doobies...


----------



## Jellybeans

It's weird cause I think the second guy on the left looks like the rapper T.I.

Doobies for urrybody!


----------



## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> It's weird cause I think the second guy on the left looks like the rapper T.I.
> 
> Doobies for urrybody!


The guy on the far right seems to want to pick me for his cellmate....


----------



## Gonna Make It

TheGoodGuy said:


> And how are you liking it so far?


For the most part, pretty good. She finally gave me my car back today. I told her yesterday that I would be prorating the car and insurance payment until she gave me it back and deducting that from her alimony. She brought it by my apartment complex and left the keys in the office of the complex. Of course they were closed by the time I got home, so will not have keys until tomorrow but at least I have my vehicle back.


----------



## RandomDude

Grrr, where's that fking song that played on the radio on the road... can't remember the words, only know the beat.

It's a male singer, deep voice, fast lyrics, excellent beat... any ideas? Grrr....



Gonna Make It said:


> For the most part, pretty good. She finally gave me my car back today. I told her yesterday that I would be prorating the car and insurance payment until she gave me it back and deducting that from her alimony. She brought it by my apartment complex and left the keys in the office of the complex. Of course they were closed by the time I got home, so will not have keys until tomorrow but at least I have my vehicle back.


She stole your car?! That's like chopping off your legs and leaving you maimed. If ex-wife took my car I wouldn't let it stand.


----------



## RandomDude

Hair brushed back, eyes locked on yours, lips drawing close, tension rising, heart beating fast...

*sigh* I need some romance in my life


----------



## Shoto1984

I have a question for the other singles here. I'm back dating again which means mostly online. While its less so these days, there still is an expectation that the man initiates the early dates. So my question is when you know its going to be a "one and done" what have you found to be the best way to let the other person know "thanks, but no thanks"? Conversely, if you're the one being told "no thanks" have you found one rejection delivery better than another? Is there any case where you'd rather have just not had to listen / read it and would rather just have the person go silent?


----------



## unsure78

Shoto1984 said:


> I have a question for the other singles here. I'm back dating again which means mostly online. While its less so these days, there still is an expectation that the man initiates the early dates. So my question is when you know its going to be a "one and done" what have you found to be the best way to let the other person know "thanks, but no thanks"? Conversely, if you're the one being told "no thanks" have you found one rejection delivery better than another? Is there any case where you'd rather have just not had to listen / read it and would rather just have the person go silent?


While certainly after one date you don't owe anybody and explanation, I have found a polite "I had a nice time but I don't think you are the right match for me" to be the best delivery. I have both given out that phrase and received it.

Most common, that I and the fellow single women irl I know, experienced is just silence from a guy. When I first got into the dating game the silence was stressful for me and never knew if I should initiate contact, but as I became more experienced it didn't bother me as much.


----------



## bkyln309

Older man and I still going strong. We will see each other Thursday - Sunday. Woo hoo!! I decided the CIO guy should be no longer. I want to focus my time with my older man!


----------



## SamuraiJack

bkyln309 said:


> Older man and I still going strong. We will see each other Thursday - Sunday. Woo hoo!! I decided the CIO guy should be no longer. I want to focus my time with my older man!


Uhmmmmm....you....go....girl?:scratchhead:


----------



## TooNice

unsure78 said:


> While certainly after one date you don't owe anybody and explanation, I have found a polite "I had a nice time but I don't think you are the right match for me" to be the best delivery. I have both given out that phrase and received it.


Agreed. And I would rather have a man be up front with this than to go silent. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the whole fade-out thing is rude.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> Older man and I still going strong. We will see each other Thursday - Sunday. Woo hoo!! I decided the CIO guy should be no longer. I want to focus my time with my older man!


This is nice to hear!


----------



## TooNice

I have to laugh...I think I hit a milestone tonight. I was chatting with someone on OKC last night, and he suggested we meet for a drink or coffee. Tonight was the only open night I had this week, so we set it up. Turns out that he just signed up yesterday and I was his first online meeting. Is that some sort of single life/OLD rite of passage?Lol!


----------



## Lone Shadow

What's that, being someone's first? When I get around to the whole OLD scene, someone will have to be my first.

Side note - I brought my helicopter to work tonight. So everyone on my shift has seen my flying fvck.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I have to laugh...I think I hit a milestone tonight. I was chatting with someone on OKC last night, and he suggested we meet for a drink or coffee. Tonight was the only open night I had this week, so we set it up. Turns out that he just signed up yesterday and I was his first online meeting. Is that some sort of single life/OLD rite of passage?Lol!


Sometimes, it can be good to be someone's first or second meet. They tend to be less jaded and gamey about the whole OLD thing.

The downside is that some newbies may just be getting back into dating after a divorce (or death of a spouse), and aren't really ready for it. I've encountered that a LOT of times... men who aren't really ready seem to be drawn to me for some reason 

Another downside about newbies is that they don't always know the etiquette of OLD (or regular dating, if they've been out a long time!), so if a friend hasn't coached them, they sometimes they do stupid stuff. So you have to be a little patient, and sometimes set them straight. It can be entertaining.

On a positive note, I did my taxes yesterday, and I am getting money back. Woot! I will definitely be buying both pairs of shoes :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Agreed. And I would rather have a man be up front with this than to go silent. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the whole fade-out thing is rude.


It really is... I think part of it is that people don't want to tarnish their view of themselves as a "nice guy" or "nice girl" so they just want to avoid saying anything that might hurt the other person's feelings. They're trying to avoid a situation that makes them uncomfortable. In my opinion, I'm better off with these types of people in my life anyway, because they won't ever be completely honest with me. Buh-bye, next!


----------



## RandomDude

I am stupid

That is all

/end vent


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Sometimes, it can be good to be someone's first or second meet. They tend to be less jaded and gamey about the whole OLD thing.
> 
> The downside is that some newbies may just be getting back into dating after a divorce (or death of a spouse), and aren't really ready for it. I've encountered that a LOT of times... men who aren't really ready seem to be drawn to me for some reason
> 
> Another downside about newbies is that they don't always know the etiquette of OLD (or regular dating, if they've been out a long time!), so if a friend hasn't coached them, they sometimes they do stupid stuff. So you have to be a little patient, and sometimes set them straight. It can be entertaining.
> 
> On a positive note, I did my taxes yesterday, and I am getting money back. Woot! I will definitely be buying both pairs of shoes :smthumbup:


I have found that its not good to be among the first dates, because they still want to keep tossing their line out there to see what else will nibble on the bait. Like, Oh yeah, you're nice and cute and stuff, but just MAAAYYYBE there is someone a little nicer and a little cuter out there who will like me too...


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I have found that its not good to be among the first dates, because they still want to keep tossing their line out there to see what else will nibble on the bait. Like, Oh yeah, you're nice and cute and stuff, but just MAAAYYYBE there is someone a little nicer and a little cuter out there who will like me too...


That's certainly a possibility, but it hasn't been my experience so far. Of course, I also assume that anyone who is chatting with me is talking to any number of other people at the same time. I don't put too much stock into the chatting phase.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> *That's certainly a possibility, but it hasn't been my experience so far.* Of course, I also assume that anyone who is chatting with me is talking to any number of other people at the same time. I don't put too much stock into the chatting phase.


Oh I have actually had someone admit to me that they liked me, but they "met me too soon"!


----------



## bkyln309

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh I have actually had someone admit to me that they liked me, but they "met me too soon"!



I tell my new guy that. I met you too soon!! But I am not dumb enough to pass him by either. He is great.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Oh I have actually had someone admit to me that they liked me, but they "met me too soon"!


Yeah, my bullsh!t detector is going off like crazy on this one...



bkyln309 said:


> I tell my new guy that. I met you too soon!! But I am not dumb enough to pass him by either. He is great.


BINGO. It doesn't matter if it's to early, if s/he is the right one. If it's the right person, it becomes the right time, because you don't let the right person go because the timing is bad. Opportunity doesn't knock twice.

(Aside to 3x: OK, maybe in my case, it does knock twice. Maybe. It remains to be seen.)


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I am stupid
> 
> That is all
> 
> /end vent



Oh, really? You don't say?


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Sometimes, it can be good to be someone's first or second meet. They tend to be less jaded and gamey about the whole OLD thing.
> 
> The downside is that some newbies may just be getting back into dating after a divorce (or death of a spouse), and aren't really ready for it.


I can definitely see this, on both counts. It's funny, I actually told him that I feel like people get jaded after a little while. He's been dating for years, but this was his first time trying it online. Even if I don't see him again, I feel like we had a nice meet. He was cute and easy to talk to. We laughed about me being his "first", too. 



FeministInPink said:


> On a positive note, I did my taxes yesterday, and I am getting money back. Woot! I will definitely be buying both pairs of shoes :smthumbup:


Yay! Shoes!


----------



## FeministInPink

toonice said:


> yay! Shoes!


*I'm so excited!!!*


----------



## TheGoodGuy

And I just can't hide it!!!

Whoah.. Where in the hell did that come from?


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> And I just can't hide it!!!
> 
> Whoah.. Where in the hell did that come from?


I've been hearing that in my head ever since I posted that!!!


----------



## Healer

I just sold my house! And bought a new one! I am so glad that's over. Now to move. :-|


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, really? You don't say?


Aww no need to be so agreeable


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Aww no need to be so agreeable


You don't like it when we're contrary, you don't like it when we challenge your views of yourself/others/situations, and now you don't like it when we agree with you?:scratchhead:

Damn RD, this actually reminds me of you...











:smthumbup:


----------



## RandomDude

Not being serious


----------



## Lone Shadow

In that case RD..





RandomDude said:


> I am stupid
> 
> That is all
> 
> /end vent


Truer words were never spoken.:rofl:


----------



## RandomDude




----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Aww no need to be so agreeable


Ha ha! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Wow, it's quite round here....
_
*The wind whistles as FiP watches a tumbleweed roll by.*_

Actually, I've been watching the cherry blossoms roll by. All the cherry blossom trees are shedding their petals, and my allergies have kicked into overdrive.

I love spring. I really do. I just hate these allergies.


----------



## RandomDude

Just realised I have a thing for girls holding big guns.

That's my random thought for the day...


----------



## ne9907

Random thursday....
ex husband texted me the other day to say he was finally over me and he had unblocked me from FB. Then he blocked me again because "he doesnt want me to respond to his questions with snarky comments...."

Less than two years to get over a 15 year marriage. Ok. That is good for him. I am still working on myself to be at peace.

Random best idea! I am going to Egypt!!! I am going to book a trip to Egypt to see the great Pyramids, the Valley of the Kings, etc etc... !!

Pablo (my argentinia poet) sends his love!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Random thursday....
> ex husband texted me the other day to say he was finally over me and he had unblocked me from FB. Then he blocked me again because "he doesnt want me to respond to his questions with snarky comments...."
> 
> Less than two years to get over a 15 year marriage. Ok. That is good for him. I am still working on myself to be at peace.
> 
> Random best idea! I am going to Egypt!!! I am going to book a trip to Egypt to see the great Pyramids, the Valley of the Kings, etc etc... !!
> 
> Pablo (my argentinia poet) sends his love!


How nice of your ex to text you to remind you what a D0UCHEBAG he is!


----------



## RandomDude

Friday night, feel like ramming someone... still, no FWB replacement...

Oh FK IT, I'm out 

ONS it is


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Friday night, feel like ramming someone... still, no FWB replacement...
> 
> Oh FK IT, I'm out
> 
> ONS it is


Nothing like self control


----------



## RandomDude

Well, turns out without alcohol I'm rather put off from the kissy kissy licky licky types. Stop biting my ear! Bah!

Oh well, was a fun night at least.


----------



## BlueWoman

ne9907 said:


> Random thursday....
> ex husband texted me the other day to say he was finally over me and he had unblocked me from FB. Then he blocked me again because "he doesnt want me to respond to his questions with snarky comments...."
> 
> Less than two years to get over a 15 year marriage. Ok. That is good for him. I am still working on myself to be at peace.


You know, if her were actually over you, he wouldn't need to text you about it.


----------



## moxy

Hi, everyone. I've been traveling, so I haven't been here much. I met some cool people, did some cool stuff. I am continuing to enjoy flirting with people. I'm not in anything like a relationship with anyone, and that's okay with me. I'm exhausted from being overworked, but that's just how it goes. Tonight, I may stay in and watch a movie on Netflix or read a novel. Tomorrow, I will either catch up on work or go on a coffee date with Artist Guy (depending on the weather, literally).


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well Moxy, how was the weather?


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I'm a little excited... every year, there's a big karaoke competition as part of the Celebrate Fairfax Festival in Virginia.

I won a venue prelim round on Saturday night, which means I've qualified for that venue's final round, which will be the second week in May. If I win the venue final, that means I'll get to compete at the Festival prelim round in early June.

There are about 12 venues, and all those venue winners compete in the festival prelims. Only 4 from the festival prelims move on to the finals... and the grand prize is a whopping $1500!

I'm going to try to qualify for finals at a couple of other venues, to up my chances of making it to the festival prelims. I'm hitting another place this Thursday, and another on Sunday. Maybe Friday and next Monday, too. Not sure about that. I have 2 more weeks to qualify.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Lone Shadow

So if you win the prize, that means you're getting paid for Karaoke. Would that make you a professional Karaoke singer?

Congratulations, and best of luck in the finals.


----------



## vi_bride04

In Vegas. Checking a bucket item off my list today... Hiking in a desert canyon!!! Red Rock here I come!! 

Hsiyssgduystdysrigiduxkcjstatatsgduyolciovifkgisyfjdpuidtwrgkudy!!!!!!! (That's me being so excited I can't control myself)


----------



## Healer

I'm trying to figure out whether or not to take lovergirl up on her offer for no strings sex. She texted a while back saying she was over her attachment issues and offered a no drama FWB package. 

Is that possible? Because the sex was great and I'd love to get me some more of that.


----------



## RandomDude

Healer said:


> I'm trying to figure out whether or not to take lovergirl up on her offer for no strings sex. She texted a while back saying she was over her attachment issues and offered a no drama FWB package.
> 
> Is that possible? Because the sex was great and I'd love to get me some more of that.


Really? Is this even a question? lol

Wait, is lovergirl one of those cushy cushy, clinger types?


----------



## Lone Shadow

What did the prostitute say to the leper?


....No thanks. You can keep the tip.


Point is Healer, you'll never know unless you try. Dip a toe in, test the waters.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I'm trying to figure out whether or not to take lovergirl up on her offer for no strings sex. She texted a while back saying she was over her attachment issues and offered a no drama FWB package.
> 
> Is that possible? Because the sex was great and I'd love to get me some more of that.


Hmm... I would say go for it, but with caution. Watch for signs she's getting attached. And be careful not to give her any reason to GET attached.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> And be careful not to give her any reason to GET attached.


So I guess mind blowing orgasms are out of the question?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I think the whole "FWB" arrangement has too much potential to be a messy situation anyway. 

Not that I'm against it, or look down on people who participate in that lifestyle, but it's just not for me.


----------



## RandomDude

Only if one or both oversteps their boundaries, like ex-FWB/GF and I during our vacation.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So I guess mind blowing orgasms are out of the question?


Definitely NOT out of the question, if he wants to KEEP the FWB thing going!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> I'm trying to figure out whether or not to take lovergirl up on her offer for no strings sex. She texted a while back saying she was over her attachment issues and offered a no drama FWB package.
> 
> Is that possible? Because the sex was great and I'd love to get me some more of that.


Dont do it.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Dont do it.


You think she's lying? Or that she won't be able to stay unattached?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

She wont be able to stay unattached. It will get messy.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Healer said:


> I'm trying to figure out whether or not to take lovergirl up on her offer for no strings sex. She texted a while back saying she was over her attachment issues and offered a no drama FWB package.
> 
> Is that possible? Because the sex was great and I'd love to get me some more of that.


I want to get me some of that therapy she got with results in less than a month...or is it less than 2 weeks? Either way, or even 2 months or whatever, her therapist is a genius :rofl:

You believe her?


If she had got over her attachment issues, why look for no strings sex? It seems like before, she wanted attachment. I think she is confused. Does she or doesn't she, want to be attached? I think it takes a bit longer than that to figure it out. 
Play with matches...

And um...it doesn't matter what kind of sex it is, it still comes with risk of pregnancy. You would trust her? :scratchhead:

Maybe I got the wrong girl/woman...


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I want to get me some of that therapy she got with results in less than a month...or is it less than 2 weeks? Either way, or even 2 months or whatever, her therapist is a genius :rofl:
> 
> You believe her?
> 
> 
> If she had got over her attachment issues, why look for no strings sex? It seems like before, she wanted attachment. I think she is confused. Does she or doesn't she, want to be attached? I think it takes a bit longer than that to figure it out.
> Play with matches...
> 
> And um...it doesn't matter what kind of sex it is, it still comes with risk of pregnancy. You would trust her? :scratchhead:
> 
> Maybe I got the wrong girl/woman...


If I recall correctly, Lovergirl was from way back, before both Guitar Girl and Malta. I'm thinking like... last summer. Am I right on that, Healer?


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> So I guess mind blowing orgasms are out of the question?


Exactly.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> If I recall correctly, Lovergirl was from way back, before both Guitar Girl and Malta. I'm thinking like... last summer. Am I right on that, Healer?


Correct, last summer. I ended things beginning of October, when she got clingy.

HNU - you are thinking of guitargirl, AKA PHB (Psycho Hose Beast). I wouldn't touch that again with a 10 foot pole. Pun intended.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Healer said:


> Correct, last summer. I ended things beginning of October, when she got clingy.
> 
> HNU - you are thinking of guitargirl, AKA PHB (Psycho Hose Beast). I wouldn't touch that again with a 10 foot pole. Pun intended.


Ahhhh, good. Well if you in the free and clear with STDs (meaning you got the tests to be sure) after PHB then why not see if what this other woman says is true? If it isn't and she has kept her distance all this time then she probably would again if you said no after the fact. No is always an option. Maybe could even be acceptable. I mean, why not? The thing is though if you are looking to be attached then you will have to look for someone who is cool with the fact that you have a fabulous-sex partner around, and also understand that you will need to be cool with ditching the one for the other...depends what you want. But nice to have an offer on the table, or the chair, or the carpet, or in the car or, wherever...:rofl:


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Well Moxy, how was the weather?



Sadly, it was storming and flooding, so I had to cancel/postpone. I think the guy was upset about it because when I asked him if we could meet next week instead, explaining the reason, he just didn't even reply. It's too bad because he seemed like an interesting person.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Definitely NOT out of the question, if he wants to KEEP the FWB thing going!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's a scale when it comes to pleasuring others, along with the consequences...

|-o----------| 
(Low enjoyment, will not call again)

|----o-------| 
(Moderate enjoyment, may call if horny)

|--------o---| 
(High enjoyment, will call again, small chance of attachment)

|-----------o| 
(Mind blowing, DANGER, attachment highly likely if not managed - or if one party is vulnerable)

Red zone is for spouses/highly trusted FWBs

Healer would want to keep it midway around the yellow zone.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Moxy - What's wrong with a little sex in the rain? 

RD- Interesting scale. Unfortunately, I like mind blowing. Besides that, if you're capable of having mind blowing sex with your partner (FWB/LTR/whatever) and yet you only perform around the mid-yellow zone, you're cheating your partner and yourself.


----------



## RandomDude

It's the nature of FWBs, you're playing with fire trying to stay warm; at anytime somebody can get burned.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Sadly, it was storming and flooding, so I had to cancel/postpone. I think the guy was upset about it because when I asked him if we could meet next week instead, explaining the reason, he just didn't even reply. It's too bad because he seemed like an interesting person.


His loss, moxy. Interesting doesn't make up for being a d*ck.


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> Moxy - What's wrong with a little sex in the rain?



Sex in the rain is awesome. Driving two hours in flooded streets and torrential downpour, however, is not safe -- or likely to keep me in the mood needed to be a good date. Going through that, meeting for the first time, and then driving two hours back in the dangerous conditions...less than awesome. I wasn't being flakey; I just wanted to postpone because of unsafe conditions. Truth be told, I've been all kinds of horny lately, so I probably would've hooked up with him if he were attractive and kind (he doesn't know that); and, I was genuinely interested in his personality and mind. I think it's rude that he didn't respond, at all., though. Oh, well.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> His loss, moxy. Interesting doesn't make up for being a d*ck.



I totally agree. Thank you, by the way; I am surrounded by macho, misogynistic dudes, lately, and it's nice to be reminded that one doesn't have to tolerate the rubbish behavior.


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> Sex in the rain is awesome. Driving two hours in flooded streets and torrential downpour, however, is not safe -- or likely to keep me in the mood needed to be a good date. Going through that, meeting for the first time, and then driving two hours back in the dangerous conditions...less than awesome. I wasn't being flakey; I just wanted to postpone because of unsafe conditions. Truth be told, I've been all kinds of horny lately, so I probably would've hooked up with him if he were attractive and kind (he doesn't know that); and, I was genuinely interested in his personality and mind. I think it's rude that he didn't respond, at all., though. Oh, well.


Attractive and kind? That's all it takes? Well hell.. I.. um.. yeah, I got nothin. Can't compete with attractive and kind. 

You should have set the date somewhere closer to you. Make him drive the 4hrs round trip. That's nothing. It's my daily commute to work.

Misogynistic? Damnit. I have to admit that I have far exceeded my daily allowance of 1 sexist remark. My only saving grace is that my friends know I don't mean any of said remarks, and that I just say them because I find them funny. It's actually more making fun of the sexist mindset than anything.:rofl:

Moxy? Will you be a doll and make me a sammich? Lightly toasted, egg over easy with a dash of pepper, 1 slice of provolone, and a couple pieces of bacon? The croissant rolls are in the bowl on the table. Thank you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Why are you the one driving 2 hours one way to meet a guy?? He needs to put more effort in, moxy. Was he at least meeting you half way?


----------



## moxy

LS -- I make great sandwiches!

Real misogyny is a problem, but naughty jokes aren't the same thing. Your actions don't indicate that you disrespect women, so don't worry, I don't mean you. 

Vi -- that's true. I invited him out to where I live (the town, not my home), but he thought that meeting in the city sounded better. I usually go up to the city every weekend, unless I'm traveling elsewhere or the weather sucks or I have too much work to do. It would've been okay if the weather was better. He clearly wasn't that interested or he'd have taken the raincheck.


----------



## RandomDude

I NEED TO RAM SOMETHING

/end random vent


----------



## Lone Shadow

moxy said:


> LS -- I make great sandwiches!
> 
> Real misogyny is a problem, but naughty jokes aren't the same thing. Your actions don't indicate that you disrespect women, so don't worry, I don't mean you.
> 
> Vi -- that's true. I invited him out to where I live (the town, not my home), but he thought that meeting in the city sounded better. I usually go up to the city every weekend, unless I'm traveling elsewhere or the weather sucks or I have too much work to do. It would've been okay if the weather was better. He clearly wasn't that interested or he'd have taken the raincheck.


Sooo... I get a sammich?:smthumbup:


----------



## TooNice

TooNice said:


> Met a guy over the weekend. Had a nice time with him the night we met and saw him again last night. Kind, accomplished, smart, great looking... I may be in trouble here. ;-)


Yeah, so this was nearly a month ago. Still think I may be in trouble. I'm a bit weirded out because we have lots of overlap in our lives. Just weird coincidences in social circles, etc. Still not sure how I feel about that, but neither of us is looking for a serious relationship now, so I won't stress about it. And we are both solidly divorced, so we're not doing anything wrong. It's just a new thing for me. We haven't talked exclusivity (and I don't feel we need to), but I've seen him enough that I think we can say we are "seeing each other". 

That's weird. But kinda cool.


----------



## RandomDude

Something is wrong with me methinks, I had a great opportunity this week with one of my dates but I didn't take it. Brain has sparks flying out of it, but secondary brain is assuming direct control tonight. So hey, might get laid!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I'm psyched... I won another prelim round at another bar tonight for the karaoke competition, so I've qualified for finals at 2 different venues. I'm going to try and qualify at one more location this Sunday. If I qualify there, that means I'll have 3 chances to qualify for the semi-finals at the big festival in June!

I'm wondering if I should try to qualify at one more place, to give myself 4 chances. Hmmm....


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Something is wrong with me methinks, I had a great opportunity this week with one of my dates but I didn't take it. Brain has sparks flying out of it, but secondary brain is assuming direct control tonight. So hey, might get laid!!!


Maybe you're evolving? :lol:


----------



## RandomDude

I fear what I may be evolving into...

Either way can't be good!


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I fear what I may be evolving into...
> 
> Either way can't be good!


Meh..... You'll do what you want and not take anyone's advice who's been through similar sh!t


----------



## Lone Shadow

I agree with VI.

(D)evolving. Interesting possibilities. Take some brain killers. I would like to introduce you to my friends, Jack and Jim.


----------



## Healer

I played live last Saturday. I can get all anti-social and weird - especially when by myself. Got up and played aggressively and put on a show. Tons of people I know, lots of kudos and wanting to chat, and I felt mostly uncomfortable. Table of hella hot women right next to the stage, checking me out, saying hi, and I just want to get the **** out of there. I had one beer and left right after I played. I could've totally sat with that table of hotties and it was the last thing I wanted to do. I'm not always like that - maybe I'm just needing a break after GG and her crazy antics.

I now regret that I didn't just sit at the bar and wait to see what might have happened. It's definitely a leg up being on stage - it gives you the proverbial "in". Most of the women I've been with, I met because they saw me play first.

I potentially have a date this weekend with a woman I dated back in 96 - how crazy is that? Haven't seen her since. She went on to become a TV journalist and now works in oil and gas, like me. It would be interesting to see her, even if nothing comes of it - just out of curiosity and novelty. Plus, we never sealed the deal back then, and I feel like I have unfinished business.


----------



## FeministInPink

Glad you had a good show, Healer. If you needed to get out of there, don't sweat it. You've got to do what feels right for you.

It will be interesting to see how this potential date goes. What happened with the two of you back in 96--why didn't it work out? It will be interesting to see how you've both changed since then. And maybe, if you've both changed in the right ways...


----------



## movealong

Life is pretty darn good.

-sold my current house
-closed on my new house
-moving this week
-had a girlfriend
-lost a girlfriend
-remained friends with ex girlfriend and she wants to get back together
- i don't want to get back together but the sex was awesome, lol!

All in all, I am doing good.


----------



## FeministInPink

movealong said:


> Life is pretty darn good.
> 
> -sold my current house
> -closed on my new house
> -moving this week
> -had a girlfriend
> -lost a girlfriend
> -remained friends with ex girlfriend and she wants to get back together
> - i don't want to get back together but the sex was awesome, lol!
> 
> All in all, I am doing good.


You've been busy! 

Don't worry, ex-girlfriend will either meet someone else and move on, or she'll realize that you don't want to get back together, and she'll get over it.


----------



## RandomDude

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Her legs were right THERE, she was starting to moan and I didn't make a move even though I'm horny as fk. Oh wait, that's right, ex-wife in my mind. Not only did I screw up last night... but I let it slip with my little girl my thoughts about our family, now I fear she'll tell mummy.

I can't hold it in, not after what happened last night when I realised I had such a mental blockage. I think I've officially FZed (without benefits) myself with that date and potentially messed up my rather successful divorce the next day.



BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! And I STILL NEED TO RAM SOMETHING!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!
> 
> Her legs were right THERE, she was starting to moan and I didn't make a move even though I'm horny as fk. Oh wait, that's right, ex-wife in my mind. Not only did I screw up last night... but I let it slip with my little girl my thoughts about our family, now I fear she'll tell mummy.
> 
> I can't hold it in, not after what happened last night when I realised I had such a mental blockage. I think I've officially FZed (without benefits) myself with that date and potentially messed up my rather successful divorce the next day.
> 
> 
> 
> BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! And I STILL NEED TO RAM SOMETHING!


If I had to guess, I would say you are addicted to stress; you are an adrenaline junkie. Start another business from scratch and I think you will have found a way to feed the money on your back. Then the rest of your life (love life/family life) can have a break from being a way to feed your adrenaline needs. It happens. 

Or, take up a new and exciting sport that you really s*ck at. No that is not a sport and you are already good at it so it wouldn't count, sorry!


----------



## RandomDude

I'm just horny and confused and indecisive and stressed at the same time. Still, at least now I know I need to get it off my chest, seeing ex today anyway. May give her the "WTF" of her life; suggesting reconciliation at the last minute! Actually, reconciliation after the forms have already been submitted!


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I'm just horny and confused and indecisive and stressed at the same time. Still, at least now I know I need to get it off my chest, seeing ex today anyway. May give her the "WTF" of her life; suggesting reconciliation at the last minute! Actually, reconciliation after the forms have already been submitted!


Why would you attempt to R and do such a thing to your daughter?? Give her false hope like that? So selfish of you. And why? Just cuz you can't be alone or without having a ramming partner on a regular basis?? 

You got issues RD and really need to learn to honestly love yourself. You keep trying quick fixes to fill that void inside of you.. And guess what, they never will!!! The only thing that will is you taking the time and putting in the extremely hard work of working on your issues and figuring out YOU.

*tumble weeds blowing in the wind since this advice will fall on completely deaf ears*


----------



## RandomDude

I would be a fool to make decisions based on one source. Though yes, daughter is confused and I shouldn't have let it slip. I didn't promise anything however. Whether or not she can keep it to herself is up to her. I tried to warm up to ex today but she's still cold. I made some obvious signs with body language but she didn't pick up either. I couldn't find an inlet to even strike up a conversation about reconciliation.

I should be better once my fleshlight finally arrives (it got returned to sender) - no sex, no masturbation makes me do stupid things it seems.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I should be better once my fleshlight finally arrives (it got returned to sender) - no sex, no masturbation makes me do stupid things it seems.


You know how pathetic this makes you sound, right. Can't even crank one out with your hand and then blame not ramming for your stupid decisions.

If it was really that bad you would manually masterbate. Just sounds like excuses to me.


----------



## RandomDude

I have my reasons, based from past experiences why I will no longer use the hand. See my fleshlight thread.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I have my reasons, based from past experiences why I will no longer use the hand. See my fleshlight thread.


Just more excuses....

If you focused on yourself as much as you did sex you might actually make progress.

But then again, that is too hard of a challenge for you to accept. It's easier to just be your dog self


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I'm just horny and confused and indecisive and stressed at the same time. Still, at least now I know I need to get it off my chest, seeing ex today anyway. May give her the "WTF" of her life; suggesting reconciliation at the last minute! Actually, reconciliation after the forms have already been submitted!


RD, why oh why would you consider reconciliation with her? Go back and re-read your old threads. You're looking etc your ex with rose-colored lenses right now.

And listen to Homemaker and Vi. They're both spot-on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I handled her like sh-t. And vice versa. That's the simple few words that took us both years to accept. Now, we're on a different stage, and can look at her from different perspectives. In the end she had her flaws, but she ticked the most boxes out of any woman I had ever met and now I'm convinced that I'll ever meet.

I am not patient enough.

Ex-wife also still remains a proven mother. After ex-gf I realised how my daughter's life would be affected if we got anymore serious, and when I look over the next decade, I ask - are we going to stay this way forever? One day dad's, the other day mum's. It's already a life we're putting her through and even though she has grown used to it, she hates it.

For a long time ex-wife didn't let go and I had to kick her fingers off. Now I'm reaching out below holding my hand out too late...

That's the dilemma I'm in. In the end, if we can approach all our marital issues the same way we have resolved all our parental issues since separation, then... yeah. However, she's moved on. So has ex-GF/FWB - no word from her either.

I ditched them both. The recent dates I can't seem to focus on. Meh... anyway regardless I have to slow down. If the fleshlight doesn't arrive, think I'll just go back to the hand, even if it'll make me impotent again, and encounter problems again getting back into the sexual scene.

*sigh*

If it wasn't for my work, I would be nothing right now.


----------



## TooNice

RD, you seriously need to focus on why you are so driven by the need to get laid. And your self-worth issues. It is not true that you would be nothing without your work. You are a human being and a FATHER. Do you have friends or hobbies? Maybe you should focus there for a bit. Play some team sports with some guys a couple days a week. Take a little weekend trip by yourself and disconnect from the world. Meditate. Let yourself think. You might be pleasantly surprised at what your brain tells you when you are willing to listen. 

You are a young man with good qualities if you don't let the beast override them. And for goodness sake, stop saying that you won't ever find anything. You're much younger than some of us on here and we are all confident that life is going to be better, regardless of what happens. Things are going to be great for you. 

But you have to believe that first.


----------



## pidge70

vi_bride04 said:


> Why would you attempt to R and do such a thing to your daughter?? Give her false hope like that? So selfish of you. And why? Just cuz you can't be alone or without having a ramming partner on a regular basis??
> 
> You got issues RD and really need to learn to honestly love yourself. You keep trying quick fixes to fill that void inside of you.. And guess what, they never will!!! The only thing that will is you taking the time and putting in the extremely hard work of working on your issues and figuring out YOU.
> 
> **tumble weeds blowing in the wind since this advice will fall on completely deaf ears**



The bolded is what has been going on ever since he joined. Nothing changes until it does. Same old merry go round. Gotta wonder if RD just really likes going in a never ending circle.


----------



## vi_bride04

pidge70 said:


> The bolded is what has been going on ever since he joined. Nothing changes until it does. Same old merry go round. Gotta wonder if RD just really likes going in a never ending circle.


Some people just always need to blame something else for their issues vs looking inward. RD is one of those types. I don't even know why I waste my energy typing out responses to him. He will just continue going round and round in circles. And then when his daughter is old enough and dates men exactly like him who only want to "ram" her and nothing more he will sit and scratch his head and wonder why she can't get more quality. Cuz why would it have anything to do with how HE acted and treated women. She never saw that part of him.


----------



## FeministInPink

Never settle, peeps:

It’s Better To Be Single Than With Someone Who Doesn’t Understand You -


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> RD, you seriously need to focus on why you are so driven by the need to get laid. And your self-worth issues.


I've been horny and I hadn't had a release since V-day. That's it. I'm a simple man.



> It is not true that you would be nothing without your work. You are a human being and a FATHER. Do you have friends or hobbies? Maybe you should focus there for a bit. Play some team sports with some guys a couple days a week. Take a little weekend trip by yourself and disconnect from the world. Meditate. Let yourself think. You might be pleasantly surprised at what your brain tells you when you are willing to listen.


I was just venting, nevermind me.



> You are a young man with good qualities if you don't let the beast override them. And for goodness sake, stop saying that you won't ever find anything. You're much younger than some of us on here and we are all confident that life is going to be better, regardless of what happens. Things are going to be great for you.
> 
> But you have to believe that first.


I maybe younger, but I'm "touched" in the head, so I can only seem to confide in others a tad insane. But, I've learnt to manage my insanity, and many insane people haven't, so tis a problem - so its hard to find a similar wavelength. The radio frequency is silent, only the channel backwards seem to have a signal.


----------



## bandit.45

R.D. I identify with much of what you have said.

But...you are really clueless when it comes to picking your battles.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hey, everybody! I qualified at a THIRD venue tonight! Hooray! So I now have 3 chances to make it into the festival semifinals 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Hey, everybody! I qualified at a THIRD venue tonight! Hooray! So I now have 3 XH ancestors to make it into the festival semifinals


Congrats!


----------



## RandomDude

Met someone today at a mate's... long black hair, piercing eyes with lovely eyelashes, tall with long legs, a bit on the skinny side though, but a good 9. And... she's taken. Damn, hate that really...

You know, you meet someone hot, start a conversation, find chemistry, time flies, then you find out she's taken. I mean seriously, is it too much to ask to clarify one's availability early on when with opposite sex strangers? When I was married if my ex wasn't with me I always made sure to mention her early, so no one gets the wrong idea and if they were interested, it helps not to get their hopes up.

It's just... courtesy. Meh. Anyway...

/end vent


----------



## Pluto2

RD, it may be difficult for you to accept, but not everyone who meets new people does so with the intent of hooking-up.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> R.D. I identify with much of what you have said.
> 
> But...you are really clueless when it comes to picking your battles.


Hey Bandit! :smthumbup: Good to see you here!


----------



## Lifescript

Hey guys, 

Been away for some time. Finally caught up on all posts. 

Bklyn, 

Glad things are going well with older guy. 

Healer, 

Your ex - gf sounds crazy. Looks like you dodged a bullet. 

FIP,

Getting money back from uncle Sam is always good. Hate it when you end up having to pay more taxes at the end of the year. 


RD,

You need to work on changing how you view sex. The desire for getting laid weakens you man. And it's not a good thing. If you don't change this women will be able to control you with sex. I remember when I split with my ex I was addicted to her and the sex was so good that even being in her presence used to weaken me. Part of me wanted to find someone long time ago and I was scared to be alone. But I also knew I needed to have time to heal and fix myself. Not getting into anything with anyone has been a good thing because I've been forced to be alone and be ok with that. I now enjoy my weekends even ones where I don't go out and have no plans. Your thinking about getting back with your ex is correlated to your desire for sex. You need to be with someone and now you are rationalizing and looking at your ex through colored glasses. I've done it the whole R thing and failed miserably. I advise you take time to see things logically, not emotionally. 

-- 

I've been itching to sign up to Match or one of those OLD sites but I'm not divorved yet so I don't think is the right time. I do miss a woman's company and to have someone in my life. I'm better being alone now but not gonna lie it sucks sometimes. RD if it's any consolation I haven't gotten laid in almost a year (ouch!). Had chances with coworker and another girl but passed because they both had bf one was married and I didn't want to become an OM. Part of the reason why I'm not being more aggressive in social circles and looking for a girl is that I don't think it's well received when you tell them you are still married or maybe they don't care. 

The lawyer is taking forever to draw divorce papers and I'm growing very impatient. Had I known this I'd have filed papers myself. My ex keeps asking about it and she is growing inpatient also. She was showing me some pics of a mutual friend baby shower and in passing I think I saw a picture of ex with some guy in a restaurant. It was so fast that I couldn't really tell. Got me thinking about what it all be like when we both move on and officially have someone else. In the end after all the struggle I found out I really loved my ex more than I thought. Something she never believed. 

My sister told me ex said she wishes I find a good woman because she sees suffering in my eyes and that she notices when I look at her that I'm still in love with her. I don't love her anymore. There are times when I reminisce about good times and feel like I miss that but there was so much bad stuff. 

Should be done repaying debt by end of summer  feels good to have money on my savings account now and to have she'd 15k+ of debt. So now I will be able to move out of my mother's house. I have grown comfortable and saving a lot of money but I think it's time I be on my own even if I won't be able so save much after that. 

That's the end of my update.


----------



## RandomDude

Pluto2 said:


> RD, it may be difficult for you to accept, but not everyone who meets new people does so with the intent of hooking-up.


Can't I just vent? 



Lifescript said:


> RD,
> 
> You need to work on changing how you view sex. The desire for getting laid weakens you man. And it's not a good thing. If you don't change this women will be able to control you with sex. I remember when I split with my ex I was addicted to her and the sex was so good that even being in her presence used to weaken me. Part of me wanted to find someone long time ago and I was scared to be alone. But I also knew I needed to have time to heal and fix myself. Not getting into anything with anyone has been a good thing because I've been forced to be alone and be ok with that. I now enjoy my weekends even ones where I don't go out and have no plans. Your thinking about getting back with your ex is correlated to your desire for sex. You need to be with someone and now you are rationalizing and looking at your ex through colored glasses. I've done it the whole R thing and failed miserably. I advise you take time to see things logically, not emotionally.


I'll feel better once I find a release, I'm going nuts because I swore off the hand after what it did to me. To visualise...

This is my brain normally:










This is my brain without a release for months:


----------



## Lifescript

Lol


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Met someone today at a mate's... long black hair, piercing eyes with lovely eyelashes, tall with long legs, a bit on the skinny side though, but a good 9. And... she's taken. Damn, hate that really...
> 
> You know, you meet someone hot, start a conversation, find chemistry, time flies, then you find out she's taken. I mean seriously, is it too much to ask to clarify one's availability early on when with opposite sex strangers? When I was married if my ex wasn't with me I always made sure to mention her early, so no one gets the wrong idea and if they were interested, it helps not to get their hopes up.
> 
> It's just... courtesy. Meh. Anyway...
> 
> /end vent



I have an idea for you RD.

Get a dog.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> I have an idea for you RD.
> 
> Get a dog.


I would worry that RD would end up ramming the poor dog!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> I would worry that RD would end up ramming the poor dog!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too. Sorry RD


----------



## vi_bride04

Everyone can give RD advice until they are blue in the face. He has no desire to evolve or improve himself and is totally happy living his ramming life style.


----------



## RandomDude

It's because...

I'm sexy!


----------



## SARAHMCD

I have a question from a female perspective about having a FWB or casual dating - not sure which to call what I'm currently doing. 
We see each other maybe every other week. Keep in mind we live 45-60 apart. We usually meet up for dinner/drinks and then back to one or the other's place. After the sex, we leave. I mean, not immediately, there's some cuddling/pillow talk, but we've never had a sleep over. 
I'm finding I want to see him more often than that - for the sex. Do I have feelings for him? To a degree, sure, I consider him a friend - but we're both separated and kind of "broken". So I'm not looking at him as a potential LTR. But considering my ex and I went 3-4 months between 5 minute sex sessions during commercial breaks, well, quite frankly, I've been quite starved for it. 
I'm trying to figure out how to push for more often without sounding needy. Also to note, its almost always me initiating any dates we have - now this could be because he's quite the introvert and I get the impression he is used to a woman taking charge. It could also be for a host of other reasons. One, of course, being he's just not that into me, but hey, if she's offering, I'm there!
Also, I wouldn't mind a sleepover - if only to get to have sex again in the morning! Or during the night...
Again, how do I request this without sounding emotionally needy? Its not really what I'm looking for. Oh, and I have told him early on that I am HD and expect regular "loving". Do I just have to be much more direct? Do I just "happen to be in his neighborhood" more often? ie. we don't need an official "date" we could just hook up - or I could show up late and spend the night?
I don't want to have multiple lovers - just not into that, in case anyone was going to suggest it.


----------



## RandomDude

Errr... what's your question? If you want it more often then say so, just be transparent about it. FWB isn't a complicated thing until one of you wants more.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Errr... what's your question? If you want it more often then say so, just be transparent about it. FWB isn't a complicated thing until one of you wants more.


Ok, specific example:
Is expecting a sleep over considered "wanting more"?


----------



## Jellybeans

SARAHMCD said:


> Do I just have to be much more direct?


Yes.



SARAHMCD said:


> I don't want to have multiple lovers - just not into that, in case anyone was going to suggest it.


Then you need to tell him that. 

Your other thread you've only been separated for 3 months now and I think this guy is also separated? It could be that all he wants is a FWB? How did you and he get into the cycle of only sex and then you both left? This pattern stemmed from somewhere. Did you tell him at first all you wanted was a wham-bam relationship? That you weren't looking for anything serious? Did he tell you that? 

If you only want to see him and want more, you will have to tell him.


----------



## ne9907

hi Bandit!! So good to see you!

RD-- Live your life the way you want! One day, if you feel you need to change thigs you will, if not you wont. It is your life and only yours.

SARAMCD. Just tell him! If he freaks out, find someone else. 
A sleep over is not considered wanting more. However, for what you wrote, I get the impression he is not very into you.
Do not sweat it. If this sex partner of yours doesnt work out, on to the next one~

I am happy


----------



## Jellybeans

SARAHMCD said:


> Ok, specific example:
> Is expecting a sleep over considered "wanting more"?


In my opinion, yes. Especially if you want to sleep over all the time/most of the times. Most FWBs don't do sleep overs.

But it seems you want more than just to sleep over after sex. YOU said yourself you don't want to see other people/only want to sleep with him and want to consider him for a LTR. That is not just a sleepover or roll in the hay.

Also, this is the classic example of how most FWB's don't usually work out. One or both always ends up having feelings.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Jellybeans said:


> Yes.
> 
> 
> 
> Then you need to tell him that.
> 
> Your other thread you've only been separated for 3 months now and I think this guy is also separated? It could be that all he wants is a FWB? How did you and he get into the cycle of only sex and then you both left? This pattern stemmed from somewhere. Did you tell him at first all you wanted was a wham-bam relationship? That you weren't looking for anything serious? Did he tell you that?
> 
> If you only want to see him and want more, you will have to tell him.


Good questions. Yes, we started at the very end of my marriage - so I was still living in the house with my now-ex husband - therefore, the first 2 times I HAD to go home afterwards. And yes, we both agreed upon meeting that we each only wanted casual dating/FWB/nothing serious. Neither of us are ready. So yes, I guess we've gotten in this strange habit now (something I never did before with anyone else). Although part of it has to do with how far apart we live and one or both of working in the morning. 

However, my question is that although I still only want FWB, I just want it more often and a sleepover is part of that - since then you're apt to be doing it again! 

For example, on our last date, I met him at his place at 5:30, he made me dinner. After dinner, things led to the bedroom, we chatted awhile afterwards, then got up, he started on the dishes and I got ready to go home. It was only 9 pm so it seemed awkward at that point to ask for a sleepover. He didn't rush me out, but I felt it was clear the date was over. Perhaps if it was 11pm, it would have made sense to just roll over and go to sleep.

Next time, I'll just have to let him know all I expect is coffee in the morning and I'll be good to go


----------



## SARAHMCD

Jellybeans said:


> In my opinion, yes. Especially if you want to sleep over all the time/most of the times. Most FWBs don't do sleep overs.
> 
> But it seems you want more than just to sleep over after sex. YOU said yourself you don't want to see other people/only want to sleep with him and want to consider him for a LTR. That is not just a sleepover or roll in the hay.
> 
> Also, this is the classic example of how most FWB's don't usually work out. One or both always ends up having feelings.


From my original thread:
*So I'm not looking at him as a potential LTR.*

And I don't expect to sleep over every time. I simply thought FWBs would involve sex at least once a week - or, if every other week - then twice in a night! Unreasonable?

FYI...I may date other men, I'm just not going to sleep with multiple men.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry, Sarah. I completely misread and misunderstood your post. I think you just need to tell him you are enjoying the FWB aspect of it and would like ti incorporate some sleepovers. Just say how you feel.

He will either be on board or won't, like Ne9907 said. 

If you are making all the dates though, it does kinda sound like it's kind of one-sided. Does he ever go to your home? Or are you always at his place? Does he know your husband? (If he does, that could be why he is strictly no sleepovers). Or you met elsewhere?

Each FWB relationship is different. I had one in college and we would hook up every so often. There wasn't a weekly or every other week scheduling to it. It just was this very unplanned and understood arrangement with zero sleepovers.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry, Sarah. I completely misread and misunderstood your post. I think you just need to tell him you are enjoying the FWB aspect of it and would like ti incorporate some sleepovers. Just say how you feel.
> 
> He will either be on board or won't, like Ne9907 said.
> 
> If you are making all the dates though, it does kinda sound like it's kind of one-sided. Does he ever go to your home? Or are you always at his place? Does he know your husband? (If he does, that could be why he is strictly no sleepovers). Or you met elsewhere?
> 
> Each FWB relationship is different. I had one in college and we would hook up every so often. There wasn't a weekly or every other week scheduling to it. It just was this very unplanned and understood arrangement with zero sleepovers.


He does come to my place just about as much as I go to his - or sometimes we meet halfway. Also, we have had actual dates that involve an activity and sex doesn't happen/isn't expected. So we are friends as well - or casual dating - not sure what to call it. 
And no, he does not know my ex. We live in a fairly large city. My H cannot show up at my place - I live in a gated community. 
I do agree it is feeling one-sided. And I think that's because I'm expecting something a little more regular and he is not. I will back off for awhile (try to keep my libido in check!) and see what happens.


----------



## SARAHMCD

So now I'm really seeing that perhaps I have more feelings for him than I thought:
I saw him last Tuesday, had a brief email exchange on Weds. No contact until Monday, I emailed him (this part perfectly fine with me - fits my schedule too). I asked him in a brief email about his past weekend. Then asked if he would be available Friday night - there's a band playing near his condo. Also, that I was off Friday so could do something else should he need to work early Sat morning. 
He just responded now - Tues afternoon - chatting about his weekend, etc and then saying he has to work both Friday and Sat and that he already has plans with a meetup group for drinks Friday night. All fine. 

But no suggestion as to when we might meet up instead which has clearly upset me. Usually, if you ask someone out and they can't go, they suggest an alternative don't they? I just got a "take care" at the end. 

Obviously not that into me. 

Bah!! Oh well, all good things must come to an end.


----------



## RandomDude

Quit trying to decipher everything he does, besides you already mentioned he's more introverted and you're the initiator all the time. That doesn't necessarily mean that he's not into you.

Regardless considering you got upset over such a specific detail confirms that you are indeed emotionally invested. Do back off a tad, give yourself some space.


----------



## SARAHMCD

You are right. I over reacted. But goes to show how I'm likely using this guy as my drug of choice to avoid dealing with my feelings about my marriage. Take it away and I start going through withdrawals!

Good thing that next week I have a good girlfriend coming to visit. I live in SC. Very far from most family and friends. So I'm missing a support network down here.

Also I just found out my old high school crush (divorced) is living only a few miles from me. We are both from Canada. What are the odds? We're meeting up for drinks either this week or the week after.


A


----------



## RandomDude

New opportunities are always good 

Btw folks I just got a call from that hot (taken) lady I met at my mates. Don't know whether I should put the moves on her, but knowing her, she wouldn't be the type to go single for long, so window of opportunities are very slim. Yet, I don't want to orbit! 

She shouldn't be calling other guys either if she has a boyfriend. Still I only heard she's taken from my mate (as a warning). Hmmm...


----------



## Healer

SARAHMCD said:


> Good questions. Yes, we started at the very end of my marriage - so I was still living in the house with my now-ex husband - therefore, the first 2 times I HAD to go home afterwards. And yes, we both agreed upon meeting that we each only wanted casual dating/FWB/nothing serious. Neither of us are ready. So yes, I guess we've gotten in this strange habit now (something I never did before with anyone else). Although part of it has to do with how far apart we live and one or both of working in the morning.
> 
> However, my question is that although I still only want FWB, I just want it more often and a sleepover is part of that - since then you're apt to be doing it again!
> 
> For example, on our last date, I met him at his place at 5:30, he made me dinner. After dinner, things led to the bedroom, we chatted awhile afterwards, then got up, he started on the dishes and I got ready to go home. It was only 9 pm so it seemed awkward at that point to ask for a sleepover. He didn't rush me out, but I felt it was clear the date was over. Perhaps if it was 11pm, it would have made sense to just roll over and go to sleep.
> 
> Next time, I'll just have to let him know all I expect is coffee in the morning and I'll be good to go


Sleepovers ARE taking a FWB to the next level imo. I had a fwb arrangement that started last July and went until October, when she started wanting more and acting like my GF. I ended it. We would occasionally sleep over, but to be totally honest, I wanted her gone upon waking. I know it sounds bad - but that's what I expected from a FWB. Otherwise, it's more - it's getting into relationship mode, or GF mode.

It's a fine line, and your expectation of a sleepover might make him think it's no longer just FWB. Or maybe he'll be cool with it - just know it might be more than what he's after.

I got a "no strings, I'm over my attachment now" offer from this woman a little while back. I never responded as I was seeing someone at the time. I'm single again, and after my move into my new house is complete and I'm settled (move day is May 13th), I may take her up on it, but with the expectation things go back to how they were at the start. Sex, maybe a brief hangout and we go our separate ways. And if there is a sleepover, it because it's late and we both want morning sex too (LOVE morning sex). But then it's over.

It's super easy for one of you to get more attached than the other - just be careful and know you might get hurt.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Glad you had a good show, Healer. If you needed to get out of there, don't sweat it. You've got to do what feels right for you.
> 
> It will be interesting to see how this potential date goes. What happened with the two of you back in 96--why didn't it work out? It will be interesting to see how you've both changed since then. And maybe, if you've both changed in the right ways...


I bailed on it. I did not feel like going out last weekend. Been overwhelmed with the move and work - just too much to deal with. I haven't been responding to online dating messages or Tinder matches - staying away from women for a while - I need to get settled into my new place and have all that behind me before I think about women again. 

I seem to attract the wrong ones. Always have. I guess I need to just stop looking, or trying. I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon real soon though. I'm ambivalent about the whole thing, which makes me a dangerous prospect I suppose.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> I bailed on it. I did not feel like going out last weekend. Been overwhelmed with the move and work - just too much to deal with. I haven't been responding to online dating messages or Tinder matches - staying away from women for a while - I need to get settled into my new place and have all that behind me before I think about women again.
> 
> I seem to attract the wrong ones. Always have. I guess I need to just stop looking, or trying. I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon real soon though. I'm ambivalent about the whole thing, which makes me a dangerous prospect I suppose.


Oh, I know the feeling, trust me. Makes one think sometimes that it's easier to just be alone, rather than have to deal with someone else's sh!t.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> *I seem to attract the wrong ones. Always have. I guess I need to just stop looking, or trying.* I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon real soon though. I'm ambivalent about the whole thing, which makes me a dangerous prospect I suppose.


I hear ya, ME TOO!


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I know the feeling, trust me. Makes one think sometimes that it's easier to just be alone, rather than have to deal with someone else's sh!t.


It is, FIP. It totally is. 

I find myself wanting to get away from guys just having conversation. I'd rather go do something that fills my soul with joy than try to connect with the opposite sex!


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> It is, FIP. It totally is.
> 
> I find myself wanting to get away from guys just having conversation. I'd rather go do something that fills my soul with joy than try to connect with the opposite sex!


Except for the whole "I love sex and feel the need to touch another person" thing. If it weren't for that...


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Except for the whole "I love sex and feel the need to touch another person" thing. If it weren't for that...


That's what my FWB is for.... Lol


----------



## ne9907

aww... We all are growing up so much and minding our feelings!! It feels awesome, doesnt it??

I am still in love with my Argentinian poet haha! But it is the silly, once in a lifetime kinda love, he is thousands of miles away.

OH!!! Normally, I am not attracted to Mexicans (I am Mexican as well, but have my issues) We have a new supervisor at work and he is soooooooo dreamy... I find myself extremely attracted to him, which is so unlike me. 
Nothing will happen because I have a reputation of being a stuck up b!tch at work and I do not cross that line.
I am simply happy I am attracted to someone of my own race~


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> That's what my FWB is for.... Lol


I suppose... but I like my sex to actually mean something, too. Not a big fan of the casual, or the FWB. I did that before, had a FWB back in college. And it just left me feeling very empty, emotionally... I didn't like it, and I don't really want to go back there.


----------



## RandomDude

Healer said:


> Sleepovers ARE taking a FWB to the next level imo. I had a fwb arrangement that started last July and went until October, when she started wanting more and acting like my GF. I ended it. We would occasionally sleep over, but to be totally honest, I wanted her gone upon waking. I know it sounds bad - but that's what I expected from a FWB. Otherwise, it's more - it's getting into relationship mode, or GF mode.


:scratchhead:

Last year me and FWB slept over all the time. It's convenient, and it's nice to cuddle up to a friend's warm body, especially straight after play. 

We didn't get all lovey dovey and wanting more until we went on vacation (which triggered the emo). So sleeping over isn't always a bad thing.


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Last year me and FWB slept over all the time. It's convenient, and it's nice to cuddle up to a friend's warm body, especially straight after play.
> 
> We didn't get all lovey dovey and wanting more until we went on vacation (which triggered the emo). So sleeping over isn't always a bad thing.


Not at all - as long as you both want it.


----------



## SARAHMCD

To RD and Healer, 

What do you consider a good/safe amount of time to spend with a FWB? I realize this could be different for everyone. Just curious. I would think the more often you see each other, and the more entrenched in your life they become, the more likely it will fall into BF/GF status and one of you develops feelings. 
How did you feel about them seeing and possibly sleeping with other people concurrently? Or was it just not talked about?


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I suppose... but I like my sex to actually mean something, too. Not a big fan of the casual, or the FWB. I did that before, had a FWB back in college. And it just left me feeling very empty, emotionally... I didn't like it, and I don't really want to go back there.


It works well as I don't want to get emotionally close to anyone. I don't even completely open up to my friends. I'm perfectly happy keeping my emotions to myself for the moment. 

I may be jaded from getting my heart crushed from mexico still, though. Who knows. All's I know is that love and emotional closeness are not on my radar.


----------



## Healer

SARAHMCD said:


> To RD and Healer,
> 
> What do you consider a good/safe amount of time to spend with a FWB? I realize this could be different for everyone. Just curious. I would think the more often you see each other, and the more entrenched in your life they become, the more likely it will fall into BF/GF status and one of you develops feelings.
> How did you feel about them seeing and possibly sleeping with other people concurrently? Or was it just not talked about?


A couple times a week. Yes, that happens often I think - but it's usually just one who ends up falling. I think it's probably rare that one person doesn't develop feelings - maybe inevitable. 

I don't think I'd be fussed about her seeing someone else - but sleeping with someone else...We were both tested and then didn't use protection. I guess if she was using condoms with another guy...but still, there's something inherently icky about that. Hypocritical? Perhaps. Not a jealousy thing - more just an "ewwww yuck" kinda thing.

It's complicated - sex is a complicated thing by nature. 

It's weird - the best sex I've had since my marriage ended was with this woman. And she's the only one I didn't try to forge an actual relationship with (or the only one where we mutually agreed it was just sex, anyway). She's great in the sack - is it just that? Did we just have great sexual chemistry? Did the removal of the possibility of a real relationship make the sex better because there was less pressure? I'm not sure.


----------



## SARAHMCD

A couple of times a week for a FWB seems like a lot - but I guess if you're just meeting up for a couple of hours to have sex...and not date as well... 

And perhaps not being in a relationship and therefore knowing its temporary allowed you to be more free in bed. To experiment. 

For me, I'm always thinking it may be the last time together. So that enables me to put it out there - ask for what I want, try what I want, and actually try harder I think. Hoping he'll come back for more! I'm pretty sure, from his actions  he feels the same way. 

I feel the same way about us sleeping with other people. I'm just hoping he'll be honest with me when it comes to that. We do use protection, but it doesn't prevent everything.


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> To RD and Healer,
> 
> What do you consider a good/safe amount of time to spend with a FWB? I realize this could be different for everyone. Just curious. I would think the more often you see each other, and the more entrenched in your life they become, the more likely it will fall into BF/GF status and one of you develops feelings.
> How did you feel about them seeing and possibly sleeping with other people concurrently? Or was it just not talked about?


I spent quite alot of time with FWB, almost every weeknight in fact towards the end of last year. We were exclusive but not committed, so there was always an easy exit if we wanted to go date others. 

Neither of us did when we were together, sex was good enough. Life went on. She didn't expect more than what we had - until vacation. So it's not really how much time you spend together but what you do together.

However note that we were very transparent in our arrangements, I also reminded both myself and her from time to time that there was no future. It's all temporary until one of us finds something better.

If you're not having these talks, then it could be the root of all these expectations and unwise emotional investment.


----------



## RandomDude

In other news, check out this cat!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XaHwmYeIUI

Lol!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Apparently, I am not getting nearly enough time with this FWB arrangement - we only see each other once every 10 days to 2 weeks. And then its dates - ie drinks/dinner and then sex...all quite nice, but not often enough for me. 

I'm going to have to be more assertive about what I want. As said previously, he's an introvert. Also very polite. I believe he would think it rude or presumptuous to say "let's just hook up tonight - I'll show up later". Quite honestly, although its nice to be friends and catch up every couple of weeks with drinks, etc I need just sex more often, being HD. 

I'm not looking for a BF relationship at this point. I'm too recently separated. But it had been a very long dry spell with my husband so I feel like I'm being reawakened sexually and wish to have my fun! Being a woman, I had hinted at this but apparently, need to be much more direct.


----------



## RandomDude

Transparency is everything when it comes to FWB arrangements - remember that. So yes, be direct.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Apparently, I am not getting nearly enough time with this FWB arrangement - we only see each other once every 10 days to 2 weeks. And then its dates - ie drinks/dinner and then sex...all quite nice, but not often enough for me.
> 
> I'm going to have to be more assertive about what I want. As said previously, he's an introvert. Also very polite. I believe he would think it rude or presumptuous to say "let's just hook up tonight - I'll show up later". Quite honestly, although its nice to be friends and catch up every couple of weeks with drinks, etc I need just sex more often, being HD.
> 
> I'm not looking for a BF relationship at this point. I'm too recently separated. But it had been a very long dry spell with my husband so I feel like I'm being reawakened sexually and wish to have my fun! Being a woman, I had hinted at this but apparently, need to be much more direct.


I would want once a week, MINIMUM. Preferably more. What's the point of having a FWB if it's not frequent enough? Uh, and what's the point of having a FWB if you can't call them up, and say, "I've got an itch, are you busy? I'll drop by in an hour." Surprise sex, BOOM!

I would also be skipping the drinks, LOL! I'd be like, why waste time with drinks and conversation? All the time spent on drink and conversation could be better spent on a second round in bed.

Even if it's just FWB, you still have a right to expect that your needs will be met--but you have to articulate them. Figure out your expectations and what you want, and just lay it out there. You owe that much to yourself.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Good points all. 

I honestly think he's a gentleman and doesn't want to specifically call it friends with benefits. However, when I pushed him awhile back to define what the heck it is he wants....he says he likes me as a friend and likes to hang out and if SOMETIMES that leads to the bedroom, great. Although, from my point of view, its pretty darn good when it does!! Last time we were together he was much more aggressive about the bedroom part 
He's not looking for a GF right now either. He's still working on his own divorce. 

It always seems to be up to me when, where and how we see each other. I think you're right, I just need to say, hey, if you're home, I can be at your place in an hour. Call it what it is and ask for what I want.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and speaking of BOOM! Qualified last night at another venue in the karaoke competition. I totally killed it.

So, that's four venues in total... I was thinking about going out Friday to try for an even five, but I think four is enough. I only have to win finals at one of the four venues to move on to the festival semi-finals.

So, wish me luck--venue finals are the week of May 11! I have a week and a half to rest my voice/practice.

But I might be auditioning for a show this weekend... a local theater is doing _Once Upon a Mattress_. I'm technically a little old for the role of Winnifred, but everyone tells me that I look young for my age, so... I think I might give it a try.


----------



## bandit.45

Congratulations FIP! :smthumbup: 

I have friends who want me to do more Karaoke but I'm stage shy. I have a good voice and they think I would do well in one of those contests. But what I like singing is not anything anybody wants to hear.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Good points all.
> 
> I honestly think he's a gentleman and doesn't want to specifically call it friends with benefits. However, when I pushed him awhile back to define what the heck it is he wants....he says he likes me as a friend and likes to hang out and if SOMETIMES that leads to the bedroom, great. Although, from my point of view, its pretty darn good when it does!! Last time we were together he was much more aggressive about the bedroom part
> He's not looking for a GF right now either. He's still working on his own divorce.
> 
> It always seems to be up to me when, where and how we see each other. I think you're right, I just need to say, hey, if you're home, I can be at your place in an hour. Call it what it is and ask for what I want.


I would be like, _*IF*??? If I'm there and you're there, it's just a question of when, buddy! And when I say when, I really mean "how long it takes you to get undressed."_

:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Congratulations FIP! :smthumbup:
> 
> I have friends who want me to do more Karaoke but I'm stage shy. I have a good voice and they think I would do well in one of those contests. But what I like singing is not anything anybody wants to hear.


BANDIT!!!! I've missed you.

Thanks!

My opinion is, sing whatever the hell you want. If people don't like it, they can go fvck themselves--because you're the one brave enough to get up there and sing! 

I don't know what to tell you about stage shyness. I've never had it, so I am not good at giving advice in that area.

Anyway, there may end up being videos... if there are, I'll post links here if y'all want to see.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> BANDIT!!!! I've missed you.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> My opinion is, sing whatever the hell you want. If people don't like it, they can go fvck themselves--because you're the one brave enough to get up there and sing!
> 
> I don't know what to tell you about stage shyness. I've never had it, so I am not good at giving advice in that area.
> 
> Anyway, there may end up being videos... if there are, I'll post links here if y'all want to see.


Definitely post them. I'd like to see them! :smthumbup:

I like singing torch music...Sinatra, Tony Bennett....I've gotten good responses from people. Problem is I limit my visits to bars due to my teetotalling, so I don't get to do it as much as I'd like.


----------



## RandomDude

Just when I thought I was going to get laid finally, date wants commitment -.- yeah well not going to happen - with her at least. Shame as she was quite interested, why can't we just have sex?

Meh, anyway, turns out black hair hottie ISN'T taken, stupid mate, giving me old news. Bringing A game for this one. Wanna ram her so bad, though considering how hot she is and how long its been for me, I may only last 30 seconds!


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> I would be like, _*IF*??? If I'm there and you're there, it's just a question of when, buddy! And when I say when, I really mean "how long it takes you to get undressed."_
> 
> :rofl:


Took your advice last night and let's just say WOW. Worked out nicely. Arrived at 8 and was gone by 10:30. And honestly, its so much easier to keep it what it really is without the preamble of setting up a "date" beforehand. 
I'm not going to worry about "when is he going to call me?" or "why hasn't he responded to my email yet?". I'm just going to go for what I want. Feels so much better to be in charge of my own wants and desires


----------



## Jellybeans

SARAHMCD said:


> I'm not going to worry about "when is he going to call me?" or "why hasn't he responded to my email yet?". I'm just going to go for what I want. Feels so much better to be in charge of my own wants and desires


Well ya. This is the way to do this kind of arrangement. FWB is NOT about waiting around for him to call or respond to your email. LOL. It's the antithesis to 'dating games' that are played. FWB is sex-centralized. 

:smthumbup:


----------



## SARAHMCD

Jellybeans said:


> Well ya. This is the way to do this kind of arrangement. FWB is NOT about waiting around for him to call or respond to your email. LOL. It's the antithesis to 'dating games' that are played. FWB is sex-centralized.
> 
> :smthumbup:


Absolutely. This is quite new to me. Very freeing. No wondering where is this going, what is he thinking, all those other insecure relationship questions. Just living in the moment. Which is exactly where I need to be right now  
Needless to say, the sexual chemistry is fantastic! 
:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Took your advice last night and let's just say WOW. Worked out nicely. Arrived at 8 and was gone by 10:30. And honestly, its so much easier to keep it what it really is without the preamble of setting up a "date" beforehand.
> I'm not going to worry about "when is he going to call me?" or "why hasn't he responded to my email yet?". I'm just going to go for what I want. Feels so much better to be in charge of my own wants and desires


I'm glad it worked out for you! He may have been pushing the "date" pre-amble because he thought it would make you feel more comfortable, so it's good that you took charge of that.

If you limit it to just the sex, without the "date" pre-amble, there's also less of a chance of things getting confused, emotions getting mixed in, etc, etc. Why should either of you feel that you have to invest time in anything other than the sex, if the arrangement is really only about sex?

It might seem like an odd comparison, but I feel the same way about small talk. At work, a colleague will come into my office, ask about my day, ask about the pictures in my office, and so I'm compelled to ask them something about whatever, because that's the social nicety, and it goes on like this for several (or more...) minutes before they actually ask me for the work-related thing that they need from me. That whole song-and-dance irritates me. We're colleagues; it's my job to work with you, so just ask me for what you want, and if I can give it/do it for you, I will, because _that is why I am here_. That is part of my purpose in this given situation. Don't pretend to care about my day, or the pictures of my nieces, and don't ask me to pretend about whatever's going on in your life. Let's just do our jobs and move on.

That may sound a little harsh, but I've never really seen the point of putting lipstick on a pig. :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Definitely post them. I'd like to see them! :smthumbup:
> 
> I like singing torch music...Sinatra, Tony Bennett....I've gotten good responses from people. Problem is I limit my visits to bars due to my teetotalling, so I don't get to do it as much as I'd like.


So, this vid is from about 6 months ago... I don't get out much Jan-March because of the volume at work, and finding someone who is decent at filming can be a challenge. This is one of my favorite songs. Not my best performance... I was distracted by this assh0le who was just off screen to my right who was yelling and being super loud. You can hear him on the video. (Funny thing is, his friends were actually trying to listen to me--you can hear one of them cheering at the end of the video.) But it's still decent. I would love to do this one for the competition, but it's not on their song list.

"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles (cover)

Good singers who can do torch songs are really popular, they always get a good response. The only one I don't like is "My Way." For some reason, I REALLY hate that song, but I don't know why. Whenever I hear someone sing it, I want to go after them with a hatchet.

I don't really drink much, so I wish there were places other than bars to do karaoke... but that's really the only option. A lot of the people I do karaoke with don't really drink, either--some of them are sober/in recovery--so unless actually being IN a bar is a trigger, the people I hang out with don't see it as a big deal.

I would like to see more night-life options that are less centered around drinking. I would much rather go for a coffee (or tea) after work than hit a happy hour, and drunk people (especially when you're almost always the sober one) are obnoxious. There are a few coffee shops in DC that are open late night, or 24 hrs, and they are PACKED at night. So there's definitely a market for it.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Except for the whole "I love sex and feel the need to touch another person" thing. If it weren't for that...



Yes, this. I'm pretty good at being solitary and exploring the world on my own. I have a good time anywhere I go, and I can usually keep the attention of whoever I'm with. Connecting with the stuff we love in the world is awesome. And, sometimes, wading through disappointing social interactions feels burdensome. I agree with vi on that. However, I also agree with FIP. Sometimes, you can't get what you need from friends, family, art, or work; sometimes, that craving for real intimacy (especially the kind that involves orgasmic energies) demands attention, too. I love my life, but I sometimes wish I had someone else in it to get that other aspect of joy, too. 

I've been at work for twelve hours, and I got a lot done, and I talked to a lot of people, but the only thing waiting for me at home is a pile of laundry, so I guess I'm feeling a bit of the blues. Wishing yall a great night!


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> Absolutely. This is quite new to me. Very freeing. No wondering where is this going, what is he thinking, all those other insecure relationship questions. Just living in the moment. Which is exactly where I need to be right now
> Needless to say, the sexual chemistry is fantastic!
> :smthumbup:


*sigh* Now I miss having a FWB


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* Now I miss having a FWB


Mmm FWB.... I had a good night last night getting plowed hard by mine  lol


----------



## RandomDude

>.<!

*sulks in his lonely corner*


----------



## SARAHMCD

Its amazing how judged I am for having a FWB - as a woman that is. My girlfriends - all but one- insist I must have feelings and he'll break my heart. That this is completely sleazy and I'm selling myself short. 
I actually see it quite differently. I feel empowered. To get what I want, when I want it. Do I have feelings for him? Sure. He's a friend and a lover. Am I in love? Do I risk falling in love? Doubtful. Will I be hurt when he's gone? I will likely miss him - the convenience of him. But couldn't you also say the same about anyone you start actually dating (ie hoping to lead to a BF relationship?). At some point, 90% of the time, it will end. So whenever you become entangled with someone else - in any form - you always take the risk of being hurt or disappointed - or doing the same to them. Does that mean you never enjoy yourself? You never take the risk? 
Of course, when I say all this I just get back "you're trying to justify yourself". So I gave up with a friend last night and just nodded and smiled. 
I'm not ready to date- ie get into a relationship. I'm drained from trying to fix my marriage. And I've only been separated 3 months. So its either be alone - ok, I get the need for that. But I was alone in my marriage for at least the last 3 years - if not longer. 
So what's wrong with having that someone (a hottie 10 years younger than me by the way) that I can call up to fill a certain need on occasion as long as we both understand it is what it is?


----------



## BlueWoman

SARAHMCD said:


> So what's wrong with having that someone (a hottie 10 years younger than me by the way) that I can call up to fill a certain need on occasion as long as we both understand it is what it is?


Nothing is wrong with it. I lived my early 20's having nothing but FWB. I wasn't interested in a relationship...too much work. 

I don't know if I can do it now, but as the opportunity to do so hasn't presented itself I don't have to worry about it. 

But I think women are very capable of having a sexual relationship without love. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, as long as both parties agree that's what it is.


----------



## FeministInPink

There is definitely a certain double standard and assumptions based on gender lines when it comes to FWBs. But BlueWoman is right, there's nothing wrong with it.

I think your friends are just worried about you. Their words are coming from a place of concern, even if you don't agree with them. Your friends only want what's best for you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Nothing is wrong with it, sarahmcd... If you were a guy your friends would be high fiving you. I really hate that double standard in society. Like it's wrong for women to enjoy, crave, want and get sex. Especially if it's "just sex" and feelings aren't involved. Like we are doing something wrong and are slvts for getting pleasure...

Anyways, you should tell those gfs they are just jealous they can't be as empowered as you.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I agree they are just concerned and know their heart is in the right place. But there definitely is a double standard. Women must be falling in love with the guy if they are sleeping with them apparently.
They can't understand I'm just having great sex! I don't need or want the flowers and dinners and courting right now. Just want him to be available when I'm in the mood. . 
Funny, it's my married friends against it. The single or divorced ones say "go for it girl!"


----------



## RandomDude

That's why women have to be confidential with FWBs, the world can be rather old fashioned still.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I agree they are just concerned and know their heart is in the right place. But there definitely is a double standard. Women must be falling in love with the guy if they are sleeping with them apparently.
> They can't understand I'm just having great sex! I don't need or want the flowers and dinners and courting right now. Just want him to be available when I'm in the mood. .
> *Funny, it's my married friends against it. The single or divorced ones say "go for it girl!"*


That's because the single/divorced friends are the ones who understand where you're coming from.

In my experience, none of my *married* friends/family (NOT A SINGLE ONE, unless they've been divorced, which I can count on one hand) have even the _slightest_ understanding of what this whole divorce experience has been like, and what I've been feeling. They really have no idea the extent of the pain and feelings of rejection that come from a divorce; most literally can't even conceive it, because they've never experienced anything remotely close to it. They think they would know what it would feel like (I used to, too, before things got so bad that it actually _happened_ to me), and what they imagine is so off the mark, they have no idea. 

More so, many of the marrieds in my life think they know _so. much. better._ than I about what I should be doing now, because they're married and I'm not anymore... when they were really... just... _*lucky*_.

As far as FWBs go, the marrieds don't realize how important that need for mere physical connection and sex is, because either 1) they take it for granted because they get it on a regular basis (and they have been, for many years), or 2) if they're not getting it regularly, they've convinced themselves that it's not important. When you've been divorced, or are going through a divorce, that having that physical connection can be hugely important in the healing process and dealing with the trauma of a divorce. And *no one* has the right to make judgement on how you deal with that.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> So, this vid is from about 6 months ago... I don't get out much Jan-March because of the volume at work, and finding someone who is decent at filming can be a challenge. This is one of my favorite songs. Not my best performance... I was distracted by this assh0le who was just off screen to my right who was yelling and being super loud. You can hear him on the video. (Funny thing is, his friends were actually trying to listen to me--you can hear one of them cheering at the end of the video.) But it's still decent. I would love to do this one for the competition, but it's not on their song list.
> 
> "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles (cover)
> 
> Good singers who can do torch songs are really popular, they always get a good response. The only one I don't like is "My Way." For some reason, I REALLY hate that song, but I don't know why. Whenever I hear someone sing it, I want to go after them with a hatchet.
> 
> I don't really drink much, so I wish there were places other than bars to do karaoke... but that's really the only option. A lot of the people I do karaoke with don't really drink, either--some of them are sober/in recovery--so unless actually being IN a bar is a trigger, the people I hang out with don't see it as a big deal.
> 
> I would like to see more night-life options that are less centered around drinking. I would much rather go for a coffee (or tea) after work than hit a happy hour, and drunk people (especially when you're almost always the sober one) are obnoxious. There are a few coffee shops in DC that are open late night, or 24 hrs, and they are PACKED at night. So there's definitely a market for it.


:allhail:


----------



## bandit.45

SARAHMCD said:


> I agree they are just concerned and know their heart is in the right place. But there definitely is a double standard. Women must be falling in love with the guy if they are sleeping with them apparently.
> They can't understand I'm just having great sex! I don't need or want the flowers and dinners and courting right now. Just want him to be available when I'm in the mood. .
> Funny, it's my married friends against it. The single or divorced ones say "go for it girl!"


Sometimes you just need to fvck.


----------



## RandomDude

Tis monday...


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> :allhail:


Thanks :blush: 

I had an audition for a local theater production yesterday morning. I'm hoping that I'll get the callback (Tuesday night) for the part that I want. I haven't done a show since college, and it would be really nice to be part of something like that again.


----------



## bandit.45

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks :blush:
> 
> I had an audition for a local theater production yesterday morning. I'm hoping that I'll get the callback (Tuesday night) for the part that I want. I haven't done a show since college, and it would be really nice to be part of something like that again.


You must do this.

I was the lead in two musicals in high school. I loved it.

It got me laid a lot too. Josh Groban must have chicks throwing it at him. Goofy looking as he is.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


>


Why mad?



bandit.45 said:


> You must do this.
> 
> I was the lead in two musicals in high school. I loved it.
> 
> It got me laid a lot too. Josh Groban must have chicks throwing it at him. Goofy looking as he is.


Bandit, I was raised on theater! My parents met in a community theater, and my earliest childhood memories are from play and musical rehearsals. My parents did everything--acting, set design & construction, directing, make-up. My mom always joked that I "was born in a trunk."

I started doing shows at a very young age, and continued through college. But I got very discouraged by college, because I almost never got cast in shows in college (and if I was cast, it was never for the part I really wanted), and in high school the casting was based more on favoritism/popularity than actual talent. So I was very insecure in my abilities (goes back to some FOO issues), and I would get so nervous at auditions that I would psych myself out and flub up. After college... I was working nights, and I couldn't justify giving up the better shifts, and then after I married and was working days, I was going to grad school part-time and trying to keep my marriage going... life just got in the way.

So I did a web search about a week ago for local community theater auditions, and discovered that I had missed almost every single audition for summer shows by just a week or two... local theaters around here start a lot earlier than the theaters I was involved with growing up. So this theater was auditioning for _Once Upon a Mattress_ and another theater was auditioning for _Hairspray_. There aren't any roles suitable for me in _Hairspray_, so _Once Upon a Mattress_ it is! I would love to get the part of Winnifred--it's right in my vocal range, and she's more of a "character" part (I always get cast in "character" parts), but they indicated they're looking for someone who is early 20's. I'm almost 36, but I look young... I could pass for 20's, but not _early_ 20s. But that won't matter so much, especially if the person they want to cast opposite Winnifred (Dauntless) ends up being a little older.

So I DID audition on Saturday morning, and I think it went pretty well, though I was really nervous. (I never get stage fright, except for auditions... I guess I will never grow out of that!) I really charmed the producer, quite by accident... and I think the director liked me. There weren't a lot of people there... I didn't see anyone who would really be direct competition with me for the part, but they're having another open session on Monday evening (which I won't be going to, since I went to the Saturday session), so I'll find out Monday evening if I get a callback for Tuesday. If I get the call back, then I'll get to read opposite other actors and try some songs from the show, and maybe do some more dance work.

Fingers crossed!!!


----------



## SoVeryLost

Speaking of hooking up.... I have a major hang up with feeling too self conscious about my body to even have sex. I haven't had sex in about 6 months because of it, and even then I remained partly clothed. I think going so long is really starting to get to me, but I'm almost nervous about it. Anyone else deal with that?


----------



## bandit.45

SoVeryLost said:


> Speaking of hooking up.... I have a major hang up with feeling too self conscious about my body to even have sex. I haven't had sex in about 6 months because of it, and even then I remained partly clothed. I think going so long is really starting to get to me, but I'm almost nervous about it. Anyone else deal with that?


Oh yeah.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Do you just turn the lights off and hope for the best?


----------



## BlueWoman

SoVeryLost said:


> Speaking of hooking up.... I have a major hang up with feeling too self conscious about my body to even have sex. I haven't had sex in about 6 months because of it, and even then I remained partly clothed. I think going so long is really starting to get to me, but I'm almost nervous about it. Anyone else deal with that?


Yeah.


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> Speaking of hooking up.... I have a major hang up with feeling too self conscious about my body to even have sex. I haven't had sex in about 6 months because of it, and even then I remained partly clothed. I think going so long is really starting to get to me, but I'm almost nervous about it. Anyone else deal with that?


Yeah, I'm self-conscious about my body, but I figure... it's not like my clothes are really disguising the fact that I'm a sizable gal. If he wants to hit it while I'm dressed, he isn't all of a sudden going to change his mind once I take off my clothes! So I just go with it. I want to lose weight (and I have had some success thus far), but for health reasons primarily--but I love my body, and so any guy who wants in my pants better love it, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

nah, get it all off and get it on
life way too short to worry about that shizz, most men aren't sizing you up for cellulite, true story


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, I'm self-conscious about my body, but I figure... it's not like my clothes are really disguising the fact that I'm a sizable gal. If he wants to hit it while I'm dressed, he isn't all of a sudden going to change his mind once I take off my clothes! So I just go with it. I want to lose weight (and I have had some success thus far), but for health reasons primarily--but I love my body, and so any guy who wants in my pants better love it, too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


***Raises hand*** :smthumbup:


----------



## SoVeryLost

I just find myself too wrapped up in my own insecurities to even enjoy it when the rare opportunity comes around that I find myself in that situation. Even if the lights are all off and I've left some clothing on, I worry about what he's feeling and if he's disgusted. I'm always monitoring where his hands go.... I'm mentally exhausted by the time he finishes, and in the process I've had no fun. So now I just abstain. But I'm 33 and I can't help but wonder if I'm throwing away what could be some fun years just because of my own silliness. Love your outlook FIP. I need to find some of that.


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## 3Xnocharm

SoVeryLost said:


> I just find myself too wrapped up in my own insecurities to even enjoy it when the rare opportunity comes around that I find myself in that situation. Even if the lights are all off and I've left some clothing on, I worry about what he's feeling and if he's disgusted. I'm always monitoring where his hands go.... I'm mentally exhausted by the time he finishes, and in the process I've had no fun. So now I just abstain. But I'm 33 and I can't help but wonder if I'm throwing away what could be some fun years just because of my own silliness. Love your outlook FIP. I need to find some of that.


This makes me sad! While I have a few insecurities about my own body too, I have learned that men are just thrilled to have a naked woman who is letting him touch her! lol! Think about it...when you are with a guy, who is does not have a perfect body, because who does...are you thinking at any point, "damn, he is kinda paunchy in the middle, yuck, I cant touch that!"...or, "geez, he really needs to build up his thigh muscles, I better not touch his legs!" I would bet that NO, you are NOT thinking these things! You were attracted to him enough to get to the naked sexy stuff, so really, you dont care, right?? SAME THING for men. So yes, you are getting in your own way here by focusing on your own flaws. Everyone has flaws, if only perfect people had sex, our species would have been dead a very long time ago!


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## FeministInPink

3X is SO RIGHT... men are just happy to have a naked woman in their bed! I'm not critiquing the guy's body while we're getting down, so why should I think he's doing the same? Really, I'm so distracted by all the sensations and whatnot, I frequently don't get a good look until it's all done with. I mean, why look when you can touch... and kiss... and lick... and... well, I digress... ahem.

SVL, you may very well be wasting time and missing out on a lot of fun that you deserve over a little "silliness." Now, I don't know where all of this this stems from for you, but I don't like to call it silliness, because that downplays how big this is for you. I know how significant it is for you, because I didn't always have the great attitude that I have now. I used to think that I was ugly, and unattractive, and why would any man want me? Honestly, those thoughts do creep up from time to time, but I know enough now to recognize it for the negative self-talk that it is, rather than truth.

If you want to get over this, you'll need to change the way that you think. Not just about yourself in terms of looks, but about your overall self-worth as well. I can't tell you how to do that. I'm not completely sure how *I* managed to do it, and it's an ongoing process, managing and minimizing that element of self-doubt. 

So, I don't know what might work for you, but here's a start:
Looking At These 6 Things Will Help You Love Your Body More (NSFW!)


----------



## Jellybeans

SoVeryLost said:


> Speaking of hooking up.... I have a major hang up with feeling too self conscious about my body to even have sex. I haven't had sex in about 6 months because of it, and even then I remained partly clothed. I think going so long is really starting to get to me, but I'm almost nervous about it. Anyone else deal with that?


It's understandable that you may be nervous after a long time of no sex. But just shake your skivvies off and do it.

Re: lights - I am not a lights off sex kinda gal. I like to see my lover in the sunlight/with the lights on. It makes the experience so much better.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> It's understandable that you may be nervous after a long time of no sex. But just shake your skivvies off and do it.
> 
> Re: lights - I am not a lights off sex kinda gal. I like to see my lover in the sunlight/with the lights on. It makes the experience so much better.


I like MOOD lighting. Dim lights, or candles or a fire in the fireplace... of if it's daylight, I like to have the shades drawn partially. I find the bright light a bit distracting.

Of course, I'm not gonna say no if the light isn't right!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Jellybeans said:


> It's understandable that you may be nervous after a long time of no sex. But just shake yourskivvies off and do it.
> *
> Re: lights - I am not a lights off sex kinda gal. I like to see my lover in the sunlight/with the lights on. It makes the experience so much better.*


Me too! But honestly, candlelight is my favorite!


----------



## Ikaika

3Xnocharm said:


> Me too! But honestly, candlelight is my favorite!



Just not too close to the curtains, could be a mood killer.


----------



## Ikaika

When your old like me, black and white photography is far more flattering then 1080p color. Now if my wife could just see only in black and white.


----------



## Jellybeans

3Xnocharm said:


> Me too! But honestly, candlelight is my favorite!


Hehe. Candlelight is romantic. I have such a big thing for sunlight sex. Like swarms of sunlight illuminating every part of my lovah's body as we get...it...on. Happy memories. Oh, yes.


----------



## FeministInPink

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe. Candlelight is romantic. I have such a big thing for sunlight sex. Like swarms of sunlight illuminating every part of my lovah's body as we get...it...on. Happy memories. Oh, yes.


And the warmth of the sun on bare skin... I can see the allure.


----------



## FeministInPink

Damn, I need to find a boyfriend.


----------



## samyeagar

Jellybeans said:


> It's understandable that you may be nervous after a long time of no sex. But just shake your skivvies off and do it.
> 
> *Re: lights - I am not a lights off sex kinda gal. I like to see my lover in the sunlight/with the lights on. It makes the experience so much better*.


My wife had always been a light's off kinda gal. It didn't take much to make her see the light


----------



## SamuraiJack

FeministInPink said:


> And the warmth of the sun on bare skin... I can see the allure.


With the mixed family we have every other weekend...my GF and I have gotten shower sex down to a science..


----------



## RandomDude

Situation awareness report... two prospects viable for mating. 

Prospect one, attractive, still interested after several rejections, limited chemistry, clingy and/or on heat, fear that FWB arrangement will make her emotionally attached. Second preference. Prospect two, gorgeous, chemistry is adequate, currently moving slow and steady, fear that she may demand more than a FWB, work in progress.

Hmmm... decisions...


----------



## SoVeryLost

Thanks everyone. And thanks FIP for the link. I have it in my head that I need to have this perfectly chiseled body or no one will want me. I'm in okay shape, I work out and go running, but definitely not a hard body. I literally *never* get hit on, and I suppose it gets to me. I know I can be a woman of 2015 and be the one to hit on a guy, but it seems clumsy and awkward for me. I'm close to just picking someone off of Tinder to graciously ask to service just so I can get it off my brain.


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> Thanks everyone. And thanks FIP for the link. I have it in my head that I need to have this perfectly chiseled body or no one will want me. I'm in okay shape, I work out and go running, but definitely not a hard body. I literally *never* get hit on, and I suppose it gets to me. I know I can be a woman of 2015 and be the one to hit on a guy, but it seems clumsy and awkward for me. I'm close to just picking someone off of Tinder to graciously ask to service just so I can get it off my brain.


Oh good god, woman, I am 220# and wear a 16/18. PLEASE do not feel bad about your body! If you feel bad about your body... what does that say about my body? LOL 

Seriously... get on Tinder and find some gorgeous 25-year-old to ravish you. They bounce back quick, so you can go at it multiple times... let him worship you the way you deserve.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Haha! I need a pocket version of you to carry with me! This is what I need to hear. 

Tinder is rampant with young 20-something's with these crazy MILF fantasies. Maybe it's time to partake. Safely, and responsibly of course. Okay. Mission for the week...... Get laid.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Situation awareness report... two prospects viable for mating.
> 
> Prospect one, attractive, still interested after several rejections, limited chemistry, clingy and/or on heat, fear that FWB arrangement will make her emotionally attached. Second preference. Prospect two, gorgeous, chemistry is adequate, currently moving slow and steady, fear that she may demand more than a FWB, work in progress.
> 
> Hmmm... decisions...


Wow - so limited chemistry in one and adequate chemistry with another? Why bother with either if great chemistry isn't there?
Also, what is prospect one doing that you define her as clingy or in heat? Just curious.


----------



## Healer

Jellybeans said:


> It's understandable that you may be nervous after a long time of no sex. But just shake your skivvies off and do it.
> 
> Re: lights - I am not a lights off sex kinda gal. I like to see my lover in the sunlight/with the lights on. It makes the experience so much better.


Sex in the sun FTW! BTW, how _you_ doin', JB?


----------



## Dollystanford

If you turn the lights off how can you see what's going on?


----------



## SamuraiJack

SoVeryLost said:


> Haha! I need a pocket version of you to carry with me! This is what I need to hear.
> 
> Tinder is rampant with young 20-something's with these crazy MILF fantasies. Maybe it's time to partake. Safely, and responsibly of course. Okay. Mission for the week...... Get laid.


Pictures or it didnt happen!!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> Haha! I need a pocket version of you to carry with me! This is what I need to hear.
> 
> Tinder is rampant with young 20-something's with these crazy MILF fantasies. Maybe it's time to partake. Safely, and responsibly of course. Okay. Mission for the week...... Get laid.


Copy-n-paste some of my comments to a Word doc., print it, fold it up, and stick it in your pocket. Voila! Pocket version of FIP. Take it out and look at it whenever you're doubting yourself.

Here's something that I do: I have a number of friends who are always posting inspirational memes and sh!t like that on Facebook. When I find one that I like, I save it on my phone and set it as the lock screen. That way, every time I use my phone (which is a LOT), I see that message. I usually switch it up every couple days. I find that kind of positive reinforcement helps. 

You could probably find a body-positive facebook group that posts similar stuff.


----------



## SoVeryLost

SamuraiJack - hahaha! Pics....oh my. Baby steps. 

FIP - tons of good advice there. One of my biggest hurdles is comparing myself to others. I see couples together and I size up the woman and compare myself to her and think, "my stomach isn't as flat, my chest isn't as full, my backside isn't as robust, my hair isn't as shiny...and THAT is why I'm single. THAT is why I'm not getting laid." I do this all the time, and lately (as I get older) it's getting worse. I need to stop the negative talk, accept who/what I am, work on the parts I don't like and have the ability to change, and just go with the flow. I know this. Now I just need to do it. Thanks for all of your kind words!


----------



## TooNice

I'm 43 and am quite satisfied with how I look clothed. But I lost a great deal of weight about 10 years ago, and I'm not so pleased with what that did to my body. Before my first date after I moved out, a dear friend sent me this article. And you know what? It's true. My body is my body. Every lump and bump and wrinkle is mine and a battle scar that helped make me who I am. So I figure if a guy doesn't like it, I don't want him in my bed anyway. There will be someone out there who does love me for all my curves and flaws. 

12 Sex Things Men Don't Care About


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> Wow - so limited chemistry in one and adequate chemistry with another? Why bother with either if great chemistry isn't there?
> Also, what is prospect one doing that you define her as clingy or in heat? Just curious.


Well if the chemistry is stronger I'll consider them as potential girlfriends, but I'm picky when it comes to who I emotionally invest in. Either than that, they are both attractive physically and I wouldn't mind FWB with either, if I could with the latter though, I would be a happy man!

Prospect two can at least hold up fun and flirtateous conversations however, unlike prospect one, whose flirtations are honestly a bit too strong... I like a bit of tease/challenge. Also, she's not leaving me alone, which makes me wonder of the possibility that she's the type to get emotionally attached. I only just got out of an ex-FWB/ex-GF situation a few months ago, not going to mix emo with my ramming again anytime soon.

Note however that this is just me, I don't think your FWB is like me; like, he's not used to initiating. I like to initiate and I prefer it that way. Just how it is.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Going from 297 lbs to 215 lbs with a loss of over 100 lbs body fat ... yeah self conscious is an understatement. With that being said, where I am now is much better than before so that helps me drastically.

My body isn't going to be ideal to every woman on the planet, but to the ones who likey, look out!


----------



## SARAHMCD

What do you mean by not leaving you alone? Yes mine doesn't like to initiate. I usually wait 3-4 days before emailing or texting again so as to not appear needy or make him think i want more. However I'm realizing this is not enough for me. Again don't want bf but do want flirty texts every couple of days and getting together (ramming, really?) at least once a week. That's not expecting too much is it?


----------



## ne9907

I am hot with And without the lights on. That is all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> What do you mean by not leaving you alone? Yes mine doesn't like to initiate. I usually wait 3-4 days before emailing or texting again so as to not appear needy or make him think i want more. However I'm realizing this is not enough for me. Again don't want bf but do want flirty texts every couple of days and getting together (ramming, really?) at least once a week. That's not expecting too much is it?


She msgs every day. And well, her flirts aren't exactly FWB-focused, hence the worry, not to mention we have yet to have sex yet. Regardless I'm focused on the other one, who I want to ram badly 



ne9907 said:


> I am hot with And without the lights on. That is all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> (ramming, really?)


Apparently you're not familiar with RDs style. Stick around and it will become apparent shortly.


ne9907 said:


> I am hot with And without the lights on. That is all.


YES! Attagirl


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Apparently you're not familiar with RDs style. Stick around and it will become apparent shortly.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: !!!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I got the callback! Final audition is tomorrow night.

I was a bit dismayed, because the director said we would hear about callbacks Monday night around 9:30, and he specifically said that they would CALL. And 9:30 came and went, and there was no call, and I was all like, WTF???

Finally got it--in the form of an email, NOT a phone call--around 11:30 pm. Way to draw out the suspense!

So, send me good energy tomorrow night around 7:30 EST!!!


----------



## SoVeryLost

Hope things went well tonight FIP!

I had a date tonight. Picked up a new dress, just for fun. In hindsight perhaps it was a bit too short... He made an off comment about the dress that set the tone early on. Didn't go well and I couldn't wait to get out of there. Onto the next!


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> Hope things went well tonight FIP!
> 
> I had a date tonight. Picked up a new dress, just for fun. In hindsight perhaps it was a bit too short... He made an off comment about the dress that set the tone early on. Didn't go well and I couldn't wait to get out of there. Onto the next!


They can't all be winners, VH 

I have no idea how tonight went. It was a little odd. The director seemed very disorganized; he didn't have any really plan for the readings. He seemed to be randomly picking people to read various parts, and he said, "I'm not necessarily having you read the parts you're being considered for; I just want to see what you do with it." Pretty much every director I've ever worked with has wanted to see how these actors play off one another in these roles. You're not casting individual parts, you're casting an ensemble, putting pieces together. Guy A may be the perfect male lead, and Gal B may be the perfect female lead, but sometimes you put them together and they just clash horribly. 

And some of the audition sides (scenes) he selected were just bad sides to use for audition purposes... he wanted to "see what you do with it," but half the sides were more like informational/filler scenes. Not much one could do with them. (Some of the sides were excellent choices, however.) 

And then there were some people that read like 6,7, or 8 times... there were a lot of women, and not a lot of men, and for some reason, he kept using the sides that were either all or mostly male characters, so every guy read over and over and over again. And then there were some women that read multiple times, multiple characters... and I didn't get to read until the very end of the reading portion (1.5 hrs in, no sh!t), and I got stuck with one of the BS info/filler scenes. I did the best that I could with it, but I don't know...

The dance portion was supes easy, and I totally nailed that part.

And then, so the keyboardist person didn't show up, so at the beginning, he announced this, and he was like, "Does anyone play piano?" Be cause apparently the music guy (director?) reads music, but he doesn't play piano. (He can identify the notes on the keyboard, but he can't play scales. And so I raised my hand... I was the only one. I told him I was a little rusty, and they said they just needed me to play some scales to help test people's ranges. So I'm like, cool, I can so that. Well, I kind of forgot about D flat, E flat, etc... all those scales that you'll come across if you move up the keyboard chromatically, but you never really actually learn in music theory, or if you do, you forget about it because you never _really_ need to know them, because no one actually writes any music in the key of D flat unless they're Chopin or Philip Glass. Not only that, but I'm trying to play them with both hands, and no one every learns to play scales with their left hand unless they're seriously hard core. I should have stuck to just the right hand. I did OK, I guess. I messed up a couple times, but whatever. It was better than anybody else in the room could have done. 

And then we had to do our range check, so each person had to go up individually, in front of the group... and I discovered that my range is much broader than I thought it was. Amazingly enough, my range is actually better than it was in high school... which is very surprising, since I haven't had any vocal coaching or any chorale experience since then, just karaoke and singing on my own at home with my piano/guitar. It makes me think... what could I do if I was properly exercising my pipes, or taking lessons? Lessons aren't really an option right now due to finances, but there's a lot of vocal work that I can do on my own.

So, we'll see what happens... I'm definitely not in the running for the queen role; my vocal chops are perfect for the role, but I'm not old enough, and there were a number of great women there tonight who would be much better suited for the queen. Lady Larken, one of the other primary female roles, is a soprano, so that's probably out; I could play it, but again, there are probably other actresses better suited. The only other part I'd be interested in is Princess Winnifred, and that's the one that I think most of the gals tonight were going for. 

I think I did a really good job with my monologue at my initial audition, and I think I showed a lot of diversity and ability to follow direction. My hope is that the director/casting committee already thinks I'm great, and they didn't really _need_ to see me read tonight, because they already know what I can do. Generally, when it comes to casting musicals, acting ability is important, but ability to sing, ability to dance, and stage presence are much more important. A person can be a great actor, but if they can't sing the part, that will ruin the show. Musicals aren't really known for their deep dialogue and sparking writing anyway... for a lot of musicals, dialogues is just filler to get the story from song to song.

So, I should find out tomorrow evening...


----------



## RandomDude

Maybe you can get into directing FIP

I can never do acting, too many spotlights.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Sending good vibes, FIP! I hope you are right and yes, scales won't matter. As to your range, exercising them regularly is all you need to do to increase it - I have lost a lot of range since I don't sing anymore. But the vocal cords ARE muscles, after all. 

Google some things - I found a lot just by putting vocal coach tips. Here's a good one - includes exercises for training the ear, breathing (which I'm sure you already know) and other vocal exercises.
Breathing, Pitch, Fitness, Posture - Vocal Exercises for Singers at Vocalist


----------



## SamuraiJack

Fingers crossed and in classic theater tradition...

"I hope you fall off stage and sever or mangle your ambulatory appendages in a fashion that requires casting and pain killers."

IE...Break a leg!


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Sending good vibes, FIP! I hope you are right and yes, scales won't matter. As to your range, exercising them regularly is all you need to do to increase it - I have lost a lot of range since I don't sing anymore. But the vocal cords ARE muscles, after all.
> 
> Google some things - I found a lot just by putting vocal coach tips. Here's a good one - includes exercises for training the ear, breathing (which I'm sure you already know) and other vocal exercises.
> Breathing, Pitch, Fitness, Posture - Vocal Exercises for Singers at Vocalist


Thanks, Enjoli... I'll check out that link. I started looking for some vids on YouTube last night, and found some good resources. And I might be able to dig up some old stuff from when I took vocal lessons in high school.

I love that there is so much stuff available online now. The accessibility of the information age


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Maybe you can get into directing FIP
> 
> I can never do acting, too many spotlights.


Perhaps, at some point... generally, you have to be with a theater group for a long time before you get the opportunity to direct. And I REALLY enjoy acting. I don't know that I would enjoy directing as much. Maybe I would... writing fiction is kind of like being a director. And I would probably be good at it.

I was thinking... I would probably make for a good music director for a community show. I'm regretting more and more that I didn't pursue a double major in music when I was in college.

I love the spotlight


----------



## ne9907

Good luck FiP!!!

Last month when I visited Peru, i met and fell madly in love with an Argentinian poet. The kind of 24 hours infatuation love.
He wrote a song about our meeting. He sent me a photo of the lyrics, as he is waiting on his guitar to finish it, well the song is somewhat very scandalous... it made me blush A LOT.

He also posted a brief status on FB, in spanish so my translation is lame, it goes like this:
The finished product from my inspiration of a poet, about a transient bird American bird which (that ?) in between her legs I lived... that ends my part

So I am a muse now..... ugh.... I am conflicted about these feelings, I think it is sweet but also scandalous!

Spanish version---Esta termina-la de parir mi inspiración de poeta, de un ave de paso Americana que habite entre sus piernas, y el sombrero fué presente de un Argentino que sintió que tenía que habitar mi cabeza, sabores de viaje... Buena madera


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> The finished product from my inspiration of a poet, about a transient bird American bird which (that ?) in between her legs I lived...


=\



FeministInPink said:


> Perhaps, at some point... generally, you have to be with a theater group for a long time before you get the opportunity to direct. And I REALLY enjoy acting. I don't know that I would enjoy directing as much. Maybe I would... writing fiction is kind of like being a director. And I would probably be good at it.
> 
> I was thinking... I would probably make for a good music director for a community show. I'm regretting more and more that I didn't pursue a double major in music when I was in college.
> 
> I love the spotlight


You can be both, actress and director. Both sides of the camera as they call it. Only time I did acting was back in my teens with my mates putting together hilarious action short films with fake guns and tomato sauce.

Only audience was us!


----------



## bravenewworld

Just popping in to say hi! ::waves::

Sounds like all is well in singles of TAM land.


----------



## moxy

I haven't been talkative lately because I've been throwing all my energy into work, but I'm feeling kinda stressed out by my colleagues and I have the blues, lately. Once things settle down at work, I might seek out some fun on Tinder or something. Tonight, I am just seeking out the Fitness Center because I can't seem to cheer myself up. I don't like to admit things like this, but I might be lonely. Ugh. 

I'm glad everyone is well.  I am enjoying reading the thread.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> I haven't been talkative lately because I've been throwing all my energy into work, but I'm feeling kinda stressed out by my colleagues and I have the blues, lately. Once things settle down at work, I might seek out some fun on Tinder or something. Tonight, I am just seeking out the Fitness Center because I can't seem to cheer myself up. I don't like to admit things like this, but I might be lonely. Ugh.
> 
> I'm glad everyone is well.  I am enjoying reading the thread.


Sorry to hear things are rough at work, mox. Keep up the good fight, don't let others get you down, and this will pass.

Good way to blow off steam at the gym


----------



## RandomDude

Interesting txt msgs today... somebody's on heat! Maybe ramming tonight, if things go well! A little distracted by another lady though, but no matter!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k
Going to do it like they do on the discovery channel!


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> I haven't been talkative lately because I've been throwing all my energy into work, but I'm feeling kinda stressed out by my colleagues and I have the blues, lately. Once things settle down at work, I might seek out some fun on Tinder or something. Tonight, I am just seeking out the Fitness Center because I can't seem to cheer myself up. I don't like to admit things like this, but I might be lonely. Ugh.
> 
> I'm glad everyone is well.  I am enjoying reading the thread.


I hear you moxy - feeling the exact same way myself except replace the word "colleagues" with "customers." Lately it's work/home/shower/tv. Though I did finally manage to cross something off my bucket list - I ran a marathon! Got the medal and everything. :smthumbup:

It's been two years post separation and no significant relationship to speak of with the opposite sex. Can't say I've really been trying other than a three-month "thing" and a few dates here and there. I dunno. I feel like I need to find out exactly who "me" is before I even consider turning into a "we." At this rate, I'll have a boyfriend by the time I'm, oh, 60.


----------



## Jellybeans

Healer said:


> Sex in the sun FTW! BTW, how _you_ doin', JB?


I'mma doin all right 



SoVeryLost said:


> Tinder is rampant with young 20-something's with these crazy MILF fantasies. Maybe it's time to partake.


:rofl: :smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I hear you moxy - feeling the exact same way myself except replace the word "colleagues" with "customers." Lately it's work/home/shower/tv. Though I did finally manage to cross something off my bucket list - I ran a marathon! Got the medal and everything. :smthumbup:


That. Is. AWESOME!!!!



bravenewworld said:


> It's been two years post separation and no significant relationship to speak of with the opposite sex. Can't say I've really been trying other than a three-month "thing" and a few dates here and there. I dunno. I feel like I need to find out exactly who "me" is before I even consider turning into a "we." At this rate, I'll have a boyfriend by the time I'm, oh, 60.


I'm kind of up in the air on this for myself. I've dated a bit, and had two rather short "relationships" since my divorce was final in late 2013. I feel like I have a good handle on "me," and that keeps getting better over time, so that's not holding me back. Part of me wants a relationship, and all the good stuff that goes with it. But then there's another part of me that thinks of all the time one has to invest in just trying to meet people, and the messaging (if doing OLD), and then the bad first dates until you have a GOOD first date, etc etc... it's overwhelming and entirely unappealing. And then I think... I don't plan on staying here in DC. I would like to move around, try some different places. If I get into a relationship, and it gets serious, then I've put myself in a position where I have to choose, and I don't really want to do that...

Maybe I just need a fling, to get me through the next year...


----------



## BlueWoman

FeministInPink said:


> . And then I think... I don't plan on staying here in DC. I would like to move around, try some different places. If I get into a relationship, and it gets serious, then I've put myself in a position where I have to choose, and I don't really want to do that...


This.

I know this next year I am going to apply for a Ph.D. program. Part of me wants to stay where I am because I have a good support network. But I couldn't get the exact degree I want and I'm not sure about financial aid. On the other hand, there is are programs on the east coast that I am really interested in, and I think I could get full funding and a teaching position. And while I dread being moving again, and starting over...I think being in an academic situation would be really good for me. 

In my 20's and early 30's I could have sex without strings...but I am not sure I can do that anymore.


----------



## Healer

So I get a notification from ******* that someone is checking out my profile. I go look at her profile and there's pix, but the head is cut off. The description goes on to say she tried this before but it was weird, hence no face pix. Then I read the description - "singer in some bands, support the arts, daughter...yadda yadda". Then I look at the body...hmmm. I recognize those hands and feet. That's Lovergirl! So I send a message "Ms (lastname) I presume?".

Just got a message back:

"Busted. This is the lamest thing ever so far."


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> So I get a notification from ******* that someone is checking out my profile. I go look at her profile and there's pix, but the head is cut off. The description goes on to say she tried this before but it was weird, hence no face pix. Then I read the description - "singer in some bands, support the arts, daughter...yadda yadda". Then I look at the body...hmmm. I recognize those hands and feet. That's Lovergirl! So I send a message "Ms (lastname) I presume?".
> 
> Just got a message back:
> 
> "Busted. This is the lamest thing ever so far."


Ha ha ha ha!!! Did you and she meet on OKC previously?

If she didn't want you to know she was looking at your profile, she should have turned on anonymous browsing.

And what, did she cut off her head because she thought you might see your profile? Or was she trying to trick you into messaging her? This is just all kinds of weird.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha ha!!! Did you and she meet on OKC previously?
> 
> If she didn't want you to know she was looking at your profile, she should have turned on anonymous browsing.
> 
> And what, did she cut off her head because she thought you might see your profile? Or was she trying to trick you into messaging her? This is just all kinds of weird.


No, she saw me playing at some show. She told the bass player she had the hots for me.

I don't know! Lol. Poor thing, she's mortified.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> No, she saw me playing at some show. She told the bass player she had the hots for me.
> 
> I don't know! Lol. Poor thing, she's mortified.


SMH... If you're single and dating, and using OLD, the chance that you will come across an ex's (or a friend's or a co-worker's) profile is pretty damn high. And of course you'll look if you come across it! It's human nature to be curious. She has no reason to be mortified. (Unless she's cyberstalking you. Then she should be VERY mortified.)

On OKC, I have come across ALL the above, as well as the profile of a high school classmate who now lives in the same city and the profile of a grad school classmate (who I messaged as a joke, to say hello... and he never responded! Jerk.) It's pretty common, especially if you're in a smaller town/less urban area. I just hide/block them and move on.

There was one guy I was talking to, and he didn't have a picture posted... he was a teacher, and he said he didn't have any pics posted because he didn't want his co-workers to see him on OKC. He kept trying to get me to go out with him, but he wouldn't send me a picture. He finally sent me a picture... and he was this skinny, gawky 22-yo straight out of college. And I was like "...no." I mean, did he REALLY think it was going to be better for me to reject him in person? Come on now.

:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Personally, I am all kinds of impressed that you recognized hands and feet, Healer! LOL! Unless of course, they are tattooed, then you're just a cheater, HAHA!


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Personally, I am all kinds of impressed that you recognized hands and feet, Healer! LOL! Unless of course, they are tattooed, then you're just a cheater, HAHA!


No tats!


----------



## FeministInPink

So... I finally heard back about the show. I didn't get the part I was gunning for. I didn't get a speaking role at all; I am a lady-in-waiting, which means that I'm a member of the chorus. 

AWESOME 

The producer was making the calls, and she was like, "I really hope you say yes!" because, apparently, a lot of people who didn't get cast in parts they wanted have been saying "no." So she's a little nervous about actually filling the ensemble.

I expressed my concerns over the disorganization of the auditions, and that was making me a little hesitant, because I worry what that foreshadows for the show overall. She assured me that he's a really good director, and that he runs a really tight ship--she's worked with him on productions before, and she's the one who convinced him to direct this show for this group.

Honestly, I'm a little less than enthused. But... it will be the first show I've done in 16 years. it might have been shooting a little high to think I would get a lead role after such a long hiatus. But one of the reasons I stopped doing theater was because I was sick of nothing but chorus roles. Every high school production, and every show I auditioned for in college. I auditioned for a couple of shows right after college, back before I was married, and I was offered chorus roles, and it wasn't worth the time investment for me to take them. So I just stopped auditioning, because I got sick of what felt like constant rejection.

I said I would do it, but I'm feeling pretty lukewarm about the whole thing. Not to mention that I'm going to have to fight rush hour traffic to get to every rehearsal. But it also won't be the huge time suck that a larger role would be. I don't know... the first rehearsal isn't until June 15, so I could think about it for a week or two. My initial thought was that if I bail on them after accepting, it would burn a bridge, preventing me from ever being cast in a show with them again... but then I realized, it I'm planning on leaving DC in a year, that won't matter, will it?

So, I'm a tentative yes... she sensed that. If I bail, it won't be a big surprise. I'll give myself some time to think on it.


----------



## RandomDude

FIP I've had friends who were actors, they have the same story, lots of auditions and rejections, if you are lucky you can be cast as an extra in some b-flick. It's lottery to land a lead role. Even when they were studying they encountered favoritism based on looks/style rather than acting ability.

Heck, I was approached a few years back by a director of HK movies who thought I had the look/style that he was looking for, and wanted to put me in his movies. Not even an actor! I declined as I'll only embarrass myself. I still don't know if he was full of sh-t or not, but it was quite flattering.

Ex-wife thought he was full of sh-t, or maybe she was just telling me that - so that my head wouldn't get too big about myself like it tends to do.


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks, RD, but this isn't professional-grade theater, it's just community theater... but who knows what the director was looking for? And I know it was a long shot, because by the character descriptions, and who he was reading for each part, it was clear he was looking for a college-aged girl for the part I wanted. I should have lied on my audition form and said I was 26!

There were SO many women there, and he didn't even read any women for the two gender-neutral roles, which also irritated me. I just don't know about this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BlueWoman

I find with community theater...people who are known by the director are more likely to get cast than unknowns. 

I personally say go for it. I am actually in awe of you. I haven't done theater since high school. I thought about doing an audition and then chickened out. So super impressed that you didn't chicken out.


----------



## FeministInPink

BlueWoman, yes, that tends to be the case, but he didn't seem familiar with a lot of the actorea. But no worries, I'm going to do the show. It will be run.

And you and I haven't been interacting on here for that long, so you don't know me too well yet... I love performing, and there isn't much that scares me. I've got a set of pipes and I know it, but I try to be humble  I do karaoke pretty much every week. I'm competing next week for a spot in the semi-finals for a huge karaoke competition. 

I say, if you want to go out and audition for a show. If you can sing, at the very least they'll cast you in the chorus 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Work is exhausting. My brain feels like mush. And, I think a fling sounds perfect because I don't seem to be meeting any good long-term candidates, lately. I've gotten back to the fitness routine, a little. And, I met a hottie online who told me he thought I looked like a singer named Ana Tijoux that I'd never heard of before; he seems to find her attractive, and I'm having fun flirty conversations, so yay. He lives far away, but travel + hookup can be fun, too, right? Oh, the things we do for lust....Tonight, the only thing I plan to do is get some sleep!


----------



## FeministInPink

Get some rest, mox. And then get you a little something 

*******

A little freaked out at the moment. I got home about 35 mins ago--went out to one of my regular karaoke haunts that I haven't been to in a while--and discovered that I couldn't park it my regular spot, because there was police tape blocking my street. I had to show ID to cross the police tape to get into my house. There was a shooting on my block 1.5 hrs earlier, just a couple doors down from my apartment, and the car parked right in front of my regular spot was involved somehow. There was a crime scene photographer taking pics of the car.

I get these text alerts from the city, so whenever there's an armed robbery/mugging or a shooting or a major fire or something, I get a notice. I always read them, but usually don't pay much attention, because they're almost never close to home. Tonight, I didn't even see the text until after I got home, so I had no idea that this happened until I got home.

My neighborhood is typically pretty quiet, aside from sirens (there's a fire/ambulance station two blocks away, and they almost always go right past my house whenever they have a call). And there's always a lot of cops, because the city jail is two blocks in the other direction. Things can get a little sketchy if one goes 5 or 6 blocks north, but my neighborhood is known for being pretty safe compared to a lot of other areas of the city. On Halloween, parents that live in bad neighborhoods bring their kids to my neighborhood for trick-or-treating.

So this is a little unnerving. It's got to be a case of someone from outside the neighborhood coming in and making trouble.

The joys of living in a big city...


----------



## RandomDude

Call someone, talk it out. And/or try not to care about it; tis just crime, can happen anywhere, anytime. Lets just hope you won't be questioned or whatever by the police...


----------



## moxy

FIP. Too close for comfort! Thankfully, you were not near it when the drama went down!


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks, guys.

RD, too late here to call (1:30), but posting about it was calming. Had much the same effect.

Mox, YES, too close to home, and I am very glad I wasn't here when it happened.

I'm sure this is an isolated incident, rather than a harbinger of more violence to come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Bad things can happen in any neighborhood. Glad you/your apartment weren't part of the crime/drama.


----------



## Another Planet

SARAHMCD said:


> What do you mean by not leaving you alone? Yes mine doesn't like to initiate. I usually wait 3-4 days before emailing or texting again so as to not appear needy or make him think i want more. However I'm realizing this is not enough for me. Again don't want bf but do want flirty texts every couple of days and getting together (ramming, really?) at least once a week. That's not expecting too much is it?


Had to lol at the ramming questioning!

Hi everyone :grinning:


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> Bad things can happen in any neighborhood. Glad you/your apartment weren't part of the crime/drama.


ME, TOO!!! And true enough... that is why, no matter how safe my neighborhood is in general, I am always on guard.

On the upside, I did have a great time while I was out last night... I got to see/catch up with a number of people I haven't seen in a while. Plus I got a good video of one of my favorite songs:

An Unusual Kiss, Melissa Ethridge (cover)

This is one of my favorite songs to do, but it is HARD to find! Very few KJ's have it, so I was excited to see that the KJ at this bar finally added it to his song list.


----------



## Shoto1984

First date tonight...met online. The avatar I've created of her in my head is perfect.... The reality....who knows! lol Funny how things matter till they don't and then they might again... Downside is she lives an hour away. I said I wouldn't do that again....bad me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Shoto1984 said:


> First date tonight...met online. The avatar I've created of her in my head is perfect.... The reality....who knows! lol Funny how things matter till they don't and then they might again... Downside is she lives an hour away. I said I wouldn't do that again....bad me.


Sometimes, I think having a little bit of physical distance is a good thing... it prevents you from moving too fast, and requires a little more effort to keep things going.

Have a good date!


----------



## RandomDude

Got laid last night, should be celebrating but yet I feel both empty and forfilled. Strange really, like forfilled that I found a release and my brain can go back to normal, empty because I didn't really even like her, having my ramming instrument pointed at others.

At least dry spell is broken! Meh, now to stabilise my life in the wake of a few months of poor decisions made by celibacy.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I don't know if bad decisions can be blamed on celibacy.


----------



## RandomDude

Considering celibacy makes my brain into a ramming machine - yes, I blame celibacy!

Speaking of which, I'm dating that stunning beauty next week! 
But it might take a while to get anywhere with her (if I even do) think she's rebounding off her ex-bf atm. But no matter, at least I got a FB now in case I get horny 

Nothing has happened thus far with ex, nor have I noticed any shift in her behaviour, so I'm assuming daughter kept her word of confidentiality - which I didn't expect. Thus far, life is... stable


----------



## moxy

I spent some time on the phone with a friend I've had a crush on for ages. I wonder if my feelings would change if we hooked up. Would I still like him? Would I still crave his friendship? Would either of us care more or care less? Idle thoughts. I think I do need to have a fling, soon.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I can't help you with that one Moxy. I've never been in that situation myself.


----------



## RandomDude

Daughter put ribbons on my cat's paws, poor thing was walking and flicking and walking and flicking heh. Reminded me of some funny cat videos, if I upload it then we're going to get flamed by self-righteous folks going "animal cruelty!"


----------



## moxy

Lone Shadow said:


> I can't help you with that one Moxy. I've never been in that situation myself.



It's a strange situation because of distance. In some ways, I could see a real relationship between the two of us. He once offered. In some ways, I don't know if I can even see a relationship with anyone beyond the bedroom. I would be happy with a fling, but also afraid of losing a friendship. He's capable of being friends with exes, but I'm not. Has anyone here hooked up with a long-time friend? How did it go? Advice?

On an unrelated note: those of you who are in academia (or others), is it better to be with another academic or not? Someone in your field or not? Does it matter in the end? I just want a partner who cares about sex and companionship; the rest has never mattered to me, but I'm wondering if I should think about those things, now. Something that a friend said to me got me wondering.


----------



## SoVeryLost

My goal for the week was to find a fling... Instead I found myself at the pet store and my son and I now have a new family member...an adorable little tortoise. I created a pretty impressive outdoor habitat for him if I do say so myself, and the indoor one is pretty sweet as well. It's funny when you're single how much focus you can put on other things in your life. Find a man or build turtle habitats.... Turtle habitats. Yes.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Mmmm. Turtles. They come with their own cook-pot.


Moxy, I think it would be nice to date someone in my field, because then I would be able to talk about my day beyond "it was okay." Maybe I just need to work in a different field.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Shoto: How did the first date go? I wouldn't worry to much about the 1 hour distance thing. I've done it before. It can allow you to not move too fast. But when you are ready, and if it reaches that point, you can always spend weekends together (alternating). 

Moxy: Why not broach the subject of a relationship with your friend? You can always take it any speed you wish as you continue with your established friendship. You don't have to rush into gf/bf mode from the start. 

As for me, I saw my FWB guy last night.. Although, I'm starting to question if that's what we are. We don't just hook up (we have done that but rarely). Last night he came to my place and we ordered in pizza and he brought beer. We cuddled on the sofa, watched a movie and then to the bedroom. Where he gave me my first big "O" in a very long time. Wow. Thought I was going to pass out  The boy is a good learner! I'm not easy, I will admit. But I think I showed my appreciation very well. Sent him off with a smile on his face 

Anyways, the banter was really good- very comfortable now. And there was a lot more non-sexual touching before and after. Still, he got up afterwards and went home, using what I considered a bit of a lame excuse why (he'd set that up early on, when he arrived.). Which kind of upsets me that he doesn't want to go for round 2, but then I also enjoy my mornings to myself, so I'm kind of ok with it. 

I am very good with taking it at a slow pace - we see each other about every 10 days, texting and emailing maybe every other day in between. I don't want to rush into anything, for sure. I'm enjoying my alone time. But would we really call us FWB still? I'm nervous about getting into something too soon, I'm nervous about "catching feelings" and scaring away a good thing (for now), and I'm nervous about the reverse happening and hurting him. 

To note - I'm unsure whether we are exclusive - I am exclusive with him just because I have no interest in doing OLD right now - I'd rather be alone for awhile instead then spend time emailing, texting and going on 50 dates to find one that clicks. But he told me early on that he would continue to date - although he would tell me if he was going to start sleeping with anyone else. Because he's such an introvert and pretty fussy about who he spends his time with (goes with the territory), I'm pretty sure he's sticking to his word. Sure, I could ask him and insist we be exclusive, but then I'm not sure I have the right to ask that. I'm not ready to fully commit to a relationship, so how I can I ask him not to date other people? He's further along the post divorce spectrum than I am. Doesn't seem fair. Of course, the benefit would be, we could stop needing to use condoms!!! 

I guess I just need to stop analyzing. I read RD's comments about being with a FB who he doesn't even like, is just using her until maybe things work out with this more desirable girl and I worry that's what I'll become. Or what I'll do to him. argggg....Even FWB relationships are never string free are they?


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> I read RD's comments about being with a FB who he doesn't even like, is just using her until maybe things work out with this more desirable girl and I worry that's what I'll become. Or what I'll do to him. argggg....Even FWB relationships are never string free are they?


You're over complicating things, thinking too much, letting negativity fog the horizon. You could be nothing but a FB, but from what you've posted, you two are more like FWBs. FBs are string free but nothing but booty calls. FWBs are FRIENDS with benefits - along with the strings assorted with friendship only. Also, he's made it clear he only wants it temporary as he's going out to date others. Now you know where you stand. It's not a bad thing, tis normal.

FWBs aren't "forever and ever" ya know lol


----------



## Shoto1984

SARAHMCD said:


> Shoto: How did the first date go? I wouldn't worry to much about the 1 hour distance thing. I've done it before. It can allow you to not move too fast. But when you are ready, and if it reaches that point, you can always spend weekends together (alternating).


I'm happy to report that it went really well..... which is a strange place to be. I guess I'm jaded, but when someone shows up and they're everything and more than they represented and as good as you'd imagined...then what? I'm being a little silly but it's been awhile since something really good has come my way. It's way early but I'm sensing potential.....

I'm appreciating the thoughts on being an hr away.


----------



## moxy

SarahMCD, my friend has brought it up in the past. Neither of us were single at the same time, back then. Now, it seems we both are, but we live in different countries. We have talked about taking a trip together sometime, obviously keeping options open for whatever they turn into, whether that is hanging out or hooking up or both, but we are both very busy people and our schedules haven't accommodated such indulgences. So, I guess my thoughts are idle because I'm wondering and thinking about the possibility rather than weighing any options for action.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lone Shadow said:


> Moxy, I think it would be nice to date someone in my field, because then I would be able to talk about my day beyond "it was okay." Maybe I just need to work in a different field.


While there are good things about it, and it's nice to be fully understood when you describe a stressful day, I don't recommend it. Your SO also describes their day, and it reminds you of work instead of taking your mind off it and you both feed back on one another. Work then insidiously becomes ALL you talk about unless you make a big effort to avoid it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I make a better listener than talker anyway. Even though I can hold my own in a conversation, and have no issues with keeping it going, I quickly run out of things to say. I'm an active listener, but nobody wants to hear me complain about my day, so I don't.


----------



## RandomDude

I complain on this forum, so no one in RL will judge me for my vents!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Today I met and shook the hand of the man my ex wife started an emotional affair with. He looked at me and said "Hello Daddio, it's been a long time since we last talked".

So after 3 years the first words out this guys mouth was in reference to the time he started talking to my then wife behind my back (online gaming).

All I said in reply was "a lot has change since then" and I headed to the gym where I matched my personal best deadlift at 385 lbs.

I won't go into anymore detail but at the end of the day with how the cards have been dealt, I'm not doing too bad.


----------



## moxy

You handled it gracefully, Daddio. Be proud.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

You're very forgiving, personally I wouldn't ever forgive someone showing me such disrespect as to hit on my wife. In fact, I would go out to 'educate' him about such manners. And if I see him again, then either he runs on the spot, or I'll educate him again. 

Besides, can be fun reminding some people what level of the food chain they are in, my opinion anyway.

However, if my wife was the one who initiated it, then I would be a little more understanding depending on reasons. Knowing I've been on 'that side' of a married woman's infidelity.


----------



## RandomDude

Oh, btw, who know Spanish?

Been looking ages for this song, now I finally found it, and its now in my official driving tunes! LOVE IT! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmNT2tKqbCo

But... I have no idea what he's singing! 

Original here it seems (Or is it? It says portuguese):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNaDsqu6d1Q

Damn, wish I can dance salsa like that!

EDIT: Oh nevermind, THIS is the original (in Spanish):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUsoVlDFqZg


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Oh, btw, who know Spanish?
> 
> Been looking ages for this song, now I finally found it, and its now in my official driving tunes! LOVE IT!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmNT2tKqbCo
> 
> But... I have no idea what he's singing!
> 
> Original here it seems (Or is it? It says portuguese):
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNaDsqu6d1Q
> 
> Damn, wish I can dance salsa like that!
> 
> EDIT: Oh nevermind, THIS is the original (in Spanish):
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUsoVlDFqZg


He is saying he doesn't need or want anything more than to be with her.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He is saying he doesn't need or want anything more than to be with her.


Bloody co-dependants...
Or maybe an early borderline...

Either way, I hear a lot of effed up lyrics in music these days. 

I think our pop culture is trying to kill us.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, maybe I shouldn't have asked lol

Anyway, who listens to songs for the lyrics anyway yes? I just need it to make me move! Love a good dance, anytime, anywhere! Have to give it to latin songs though, they know how to make you move. Danza kudoru also very popular when it came out, makes me go nuts on the dance floor 

I have to take potential GF out this week, however, it might have to be earlier, cause I'm in the mood for some salsa, planning to hit the salsa club on Friday (not so ideal for first date). Unless she's into dance as much as I, which... hmmm, I would really like that ( doubt it  shame that most women don't share the passion for dancing ). But will have to see!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Well, maybe I shouldn't have asked lol
> 
> Anyway, who listens to songs for the lyrics anyway yes? I just need it to make me move! Love a good dance, anytime, anywhere! Have to give it to latin songs though, they know how to make you move. Danza kudoru also very popular when it came out, makes me go nuts on the dance floor
> 
> I have to take potential GF out this week, however, it might have to be earlier, cause I'm in the mood for some salsa, planning to hit the salsa club on Friday. Unless she's into dance as much as I, which... hmmm, I would really like that ( doubt it  shame that most women don't share the passion for dancing ). But will have to see!


Well, what I didn't translate is that it's not really all that sincere, it means he's obsessed, he is just singing about his feeling in the moment. lol. It's accepted that's how it is. You can embrace this video without any compromises ;-)

I love to dance. And except for one person, keep it on the dance floor. Dancing is good, you can just dance to participate in the general experience of love, sex, romance, flirtation, etc. and when the number ends, unless you want to take it further, it ends there. On the flip side, if you get stuck with an idiot dance partner, it's only for about 5 minutes, then you can part ways forever.


----------



## RandomDude

It's the best! When one has good music or a good DJ one can dance until morning! I dance whenever a good beat starts, I dance in my car too hehe. In fact, my daughter picked it up from me and ex, and just like both of us, she's not self-conscious at all! When she was younger she also did her own very cute dance moves lol

... so, with this much music and dance in my life, I need a partner who enjoys it as well. Still remember one lady in the past who didn't find very attractive, until I saw... the way she moved. Ended up with a massive crush on her lol.

I hope this date doesn't disappoint, cause she's rather promising - at least on an intellectual level, like, we can actually have rather stimulating conversations, like on first night. But I like to see if there's a spark when it comes to the dance floor!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> shame that most women don't share the passion for dancing


Seriously? Most women I know complain that their guys won't dance! And you can really dance, like salsa, rumba, etc? All the women I know would LOVE that.

And you know what they say about a man with rhythm on the dance floor... 

I would kill for a man who can dance, or who would at least be open to taking lessons. I took ballroom and swing/lindy classes in college, and I LOVED it. Forget dinner and a movie, take me for dinner and dancing.

I got my XH to do some dance lessons in prep for our wedding/first dance. It was awful  He was so robotic and awkward... it was clearly a harbinger of things to come.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, my birthday is in exactly ONE WEEK. This will be my third birthday since my XH moved out. The first birthday, I didn't really do anything, since I went to Disney World with my best friend a few weeks before hand. I consider that to be my birthday celebration. Last year, I went with two dear friends to Medieval Times and has a blast. 

This year, I think I'm going to go to Six Flags. And ride ALL. THE. ROLLERCOASTERS. It will be awesome. Even if I can't find anyone to go with me.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Well what do you know, I was saying the very same thing yesterday - 6 days for me!


----------



## Healer

Well, I went on a date with that woman I dated back in 96 (and haven't seen her since then either). 20 years later - what a trip. It was just for drinks, but turned into dinner and lasted 4 hours. Great conversation and chemistry. And - this is funny - we're both working on the exact same project at our respective places of work. What are the odds?

She texted me just now - seeing how my packing went for my move Wednesday. We're going to see each other again. 

And, she's still super hot.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> Well what do you know, I was saying the very same thing yesterday - 6 days for me!


Are you going to ride ALL. THE. ROLLERCOASTERS?


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well, I went on a date with that woman I dated back in 96 (and haven't seen her since then either). 20 years later - what a trip. It was just for drinks, but turned into dinner and lasted 4 hours. Great conversation and chemistry. And - this is funny - we're both working on the exact same project at our respective places of work. What are the odds?
> 
> She texted me just now - seeing how my packing went for my move Wednesday. We're going to see each other again.
> 
> And, she's still super hot.


I approve this post :smthumbup:


----------



## BlueWoman

FeministInPink said:


> So, my birthday is in exactly ONE WEEK. This will be my third birthday since my XH moved out. The first birthday, I didn't really do anything, since I went to Disney World with my best friend a few weeks before hand. I consider that to be my birthday celebration. Last year, I went with two dear friends to Medieval Times and has a blast.
> 
> This year, I think I'm going to go to Six Flags. And ride ALL. THE. ROLLERCOASTERS. It will be awesome. Even if I can't find anyone to go with me.


I would go with you, if I lived anywhere close. I love roller coasters. 

I can't handle anything that spins, but I still love a roller coaster.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Seriously? Most women I know complain that their guys won't dance! And you can really dance, like salsa, rumba, etc? All the women I know would LOVE that.


Yes seriously! So many just go out, sit there, and look pretty! They need alcohol to loosen up, and even the ones on the dance floor, most just bob from side to side, and when you join them, that's all they do! So no musical chemistry! Some dates mentioned they learned ballet or salsa when they were young but I still had to persuade them to dance with me when a good song comes on (like anywhere) and even when they do, so stiff! Not fluid!

So yes, when a woman can dance, when she isn't self-conscious, she stands out! I dance freestyle/break/salsa/tango mostly, and mix it all up depending on the beat  - ZERO lessons, I learnt from watching, and experience, learning from other dancers, and looking stupid in my youth (sometimes even now, but I don't care lol)! 

Pays off - dancing has been part of my life since teens as I went out alot to clubs, helps with street rep when you cramp nobody's style too, so not just for the ladies. I can adapt to different styles easily too, folks just tell me I'm a natural. I just love it, clears my mind and lets out all the negativity when I dance till morn.

Still remember ex and I used to kill it and make everyone look bad on the dance floor too hehe, hell people always ended up making room for us, making circles around us, cheering us on, etc etc. It's very good 'foreplay', as we always fked each other's brains out afterwards when we got home - if we made it home before the clothes get ripped lol

Salsa clubs however are better than alot of other nightclubs, rather too easy to pick up though, as most of the time I've been to them all the young ladies my age are stuck dancing with the older dudes hehe  But great when at least the pool of choices can all dance (err mostly)



> And you know what they say about a man with rhythm on the dance floor...
> 
> I would kill for a man who can dance, or who would at least be open to taking lessons. I took ballroom and swing/lindy classes in college, and I LOVED it. Forget dinner and a movie, take me for dinner and dancing.
> 
> I got my XH to do some dance lessons in prep for our wedding/first dance. It was awful  He was so robotic and awkward... it was clearly a harbinger of things to come.


Tis the same for women too  Like, I tend to judge sexual chemistry with musical/dancing chemistry lol - and so far, I've been right to do so! Ones who don't dance seem to be just as stiff in bed!
I found that when it comes to guys like me (went out all the time in youth), dancing is well, expected.


----------



## vi_bride04

I love to dance and try to go out few times a month to shake it on the dance floor. 

Always got the music playing and dancing when I'm home. Can't resist a good beat.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

06Daddio08 said:


> Today I met and *shook the hand of the man* my ex wife started an emotional affair with. He looked at me and said "Hello Daddio, it's been a long time since we last talked".
> 
> So after 3 years the first words out this guys mouth was in reference to the time he started talking to my then wife behind my back (online gaming).
> 
> All I said in reply was "a lot has change since then" and I headed to the gym where I* matched my personal best deadlift at 385 lbs.*
> 
> I won't go into anymore detail but at the end of the day with how the cards have been dealt, I'm not doing too bad.


Did his fingers give a satisfying crunch when you crushed them?


----------



## Lone Shadow

I dance like a shovel with 2 left feet. That said, I'm open to lessons. I just don't have the time right now.


----------



## RandomDude

I never took formal lessons, just let the music control you. When partnering if she leads just let her hips control you too lol

But it isn't everything, like for me, I have to dance - I have no other forms of musical expression unfortunately, my voice is too deep to sing, it cracks on any high note (if I do sing, it's flat), and even though I took guitar lessons with my daughter, she's already better than me!!!! 

>.<!

So meh, at least I can dance 
I may not have the voice to sing, or the fingers to play, but... I have... the ASS to shake 

... hmmm may explain why ex-wife had this perverted fantasy to wear a strappie and ram me up my butthole... BAH! Hope that was the last time I'll ever hear of it... bleh!


----------



## RandomDude

Hehe pretty eyes... wait... is that even a compliment coming from a lady? Almost like saying I have girly eyes yes? Maybe I should be offended not flattered by FB!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Hehe pretty eyes... wait... is that even a compliment coming from a lady? Almost like saying I have girly eyes yes? Maybe I should be offended not flattered by FB!


Definitely a compliment, RD.


----------



## bkyln309

Ok, I need some advice. I have been dating an older man (OM) for 2.5 months now. We see each other as often as we can. I love being with him. Its just comfortable like we have known each other all our lives. But there is a guy who I was dating before OM that I cant seem to get rid of. We have great chemistry. I stopped going out with him for awhile since I was so focused on OM. But he has persistently hounded me to see him again which I finally did. We had a great time. I feel bad I went out on OM but we have not had the "let's not see anyone else" conversation. I was hoping to bring it up with OM so I can definitely close the door on this other guy once and for all. But I cant see a conversation that doesnt put him on the spot. Im ok with an open dating relationship but I get the feeling OM assumes we are no longer dating other people. I want to make sure I am not breaking boundaries. I really dont want to lose OM. 

Just as a general FYI: OM is more laid back, type B (more like my x). The other guy is super Alpha type A.

Do I bring up the conversation with OM or just let it go? If I do bring it up, what do I say that doesnt pressure him to commit unless he really wants that.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Ok, I need some advice. I have been dating an older man (OM) for 2.5 months now. We see each other as often as we can. I love being with him. Its just comfortable like we have known each other all our lives. But there is a guy who I was dating before OM that I cant seem to get rid of. We have great chemistry. I stopped going out with him for awhile since I was so focused on OM. But he has persistently hounded me to see him again which I finally did. We had a great time. I feel bad I went out on OM but we have not had the "let's not see anyone else" conversation. I was hoping to bring it up with OM so I can definitely close the door on this other guy once and for all. But I cant see a conversation that doesnt put him on the spot. Im ok with an open dating relationship but I get the feeling OM assumes we are no longer dating other people. I want to make sure I am not breaking boundaries. I really dont want to lose OM.
> 
> Just as a general FYI: OM is more laid back, type B (more like my x). The other guy is super Alpha type A.
> 
> Do I bring up the conversation with OM or just let it go? If I do bring it up, what do I say that doesnt pressure him to commit unless he really wants that.


Bklyn:

A. If you haven't had the "let's be exclusive" talk with OM, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You can date anyone that you want. If no boundaries have been established, then there aren't any to cross.

B. If you don't want to go out with Other Chemistry Guy, you don't need an excuse... i.e., you don't need to be exclusive with OM to say no to Other Chemistry Guy. If you don't want to go, you just say so. There's nothing that says you HAVE to date around and date other people BECAUSE you and OM haven't had the talk yet. You don't need a man to want a commitment to justify shutting another door. The only reason you need it, "I want to close this door."

C. If you want to be exclusive with OM, tell him you want to be exclusive. End of story. If you think he's assuming that you're no longer dating other people, it doesn't put him on the spot, it just confirms what he's already doing.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Bklyn:
> 
> A. If you haven't had the "let's be exclusive" talk with OM, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You can date anyone that you want. If no boundaries have been established, then there aren't any to cross.
> 
> B. If you don't want to go out with Other Chemistry Guy, you don't need an excuse... i.e., you don't need to be exclusive with OM to say no to Other Chemistry Guy. If you don't want to go, you just say so. There's nothing that says you HAVE to date around and date other people BECAUSE you and OM haven't had the talk yet. You don't need a man to want a commitment to justify shutting another door. The only reason you need it, "I want to close this door."
> 
> C. If you want to be exclusive with OM, tell him you want to be exclusive. End of story. If you think he's assuming that you're no longer dating other people, it doesn't put him on the spot, it just confirms what he's already doing.


1. No we havent had the talk and I know technically its fine to date other people. But I feel badly about it since we do spend so much time together.

2. Chemistry Man- If OM was not in the picture, I would gladly date him. We dated before and had an awesome time. But I think if OM knew I was seeing him, I know it would affect our relationship in a negative way. I am drawn to Chemistry Man but not at the risk of ruining things with OM.

3. I wanted him to bring it up so he doesnt feel like he has to say "yes, lets be exclusive". I guess I always addressed things with my x (I was the proactive one). I want OM to address this without my prompting so I know he is just not relenting to my wishes.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> 1. No we havent had the talk and I know technically its fine to date other people. But I feel badly about it since we do spend so much time together.
> 
> 2. Chemistry Man- If OM was not in the picture, I would gladly date him. We dated before and had an awesome time. But I think if OM knew I was seeing him, I know it would affect our relationship in a negative way. I am drawn to Chemistry Man but not at the risk of ruining things with OM.
> 
> 3. I wanted him to bring it up so he doesnt feel like he has to say "yes, lets be exclusive". I guess I always addressed things with my x (I was the proactive one). I want OM to address this without my prompting so I know he is just not relenting to my wishes.


Does OM understand that it needs to be addressed? Some people don't get that there needs to be an exclusive talk... so maybe he doesn't realize it needs to be addressed.

ETA: And *DON'T FEEL BAD.* You have nothing to feel guilty for. NOTHING. Break the bonds of the vestigial Puritan guilt! You are free to do as you choose. You're not hurting anyone, you're not crossing any boundaries, there is no reason to feel any guilt.


----------



## vi_bride04

Don't feel guilty for doing what YOU want, bkyln309! 

Or is there guilt cuz you have the feels for OM?


----------



## bkyln309

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't feel guilty for doing what YOU want, bkyln309!
> 
> Or is there guilt cuz you have the feels for OM?



I do have the feels for him. But I dont want to pressure him into anything. Like I said, if OM wasnt in the picture I would date Chemistry man without a doubt.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I would say if you have the gut feeling / guilt then tell OM. You mentioned he maybe assuming you two are exclusive. Best to let him know you two are not. Clear your conscience.

Like, last night I had to give FB the "no emo" talk, due to the rather overly passionate flirts and gazes that I didn't think is a good sign. In fact, it's one of the main reasons I didn't drop my pants for her until I got so desperate to end my dry spell. If you have a bad feeling, it means something - trust your instincts.

Assumptions can be dangerous bkyln, I could assume FB knows where we stand considering I told her already but had to remind her - better this way as I'm already planning to dump her if/when I get with my other date.

Anyway guys, speaking of lawyer date, she specialises in criminal law. Wish she specialised in business law, or is an accountant that specialises in tax evasion - I would love that!!!! Still, I don't know whether to hate her or love her for this but... I asked her if she ever refused a case and she goes she believes everyone is entitled to a fair defense regardless of her feelings on the matter.

=/

Like, I find her mentally quite interesting (not to mention physically!), but morally, makes me wonder...


----------



## ConanHub

bkyln309 said:


> I do have the feels for him. But I dont want to pressure him into anything. Like I said, if OM wasnt in the picture I would date Chemistry man without a doubt.


Do dates mean sex? Did you have sex with Alpha on your recent date? Have you been having sex with OM? I have good reasons for asking, given the information you provided.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

Conan, do you think that changes anything in the situation? What are your reasons and how do they tie into your question? 

(I'm not trying to be hostile, but asking sincerely because I am curious about your phrasing.  )


----------



## RandomDude

So... no comment for my lawyer date? Is it a bad sign her mentality? Or just a perk of legal "professionalism" that I will have to accept?


----------



## Jellybeans

RD, it's her a job. If you can't accept what she does for a living, don't go out with her. Simple.


----------



## RandomDude

It is rather hypocritical of me to judge her when ~15 years ago I would love to have her to represent me lol

I dunno, I'm undecided. She is very knowledgeable I found, enough to hold rather deep conversations, last time I encountered something like this was with my ex-wife when I first met her. Still, the chemistry isn't as strong, at least from my side.

Time will tell...


----------



## RandomDude

Sh-t, speaking of time, I just realised something, it's mid way past May already... sh-t time flies, I'm going to be 30 in a few months! OMFG NO!!! 

How do you celebrate such a thing?!?!?!?!


----------



## Hoosier

Under the "I need to vent" section:

FYI. I was married 30 years, d was Oct. 2011, when she moved out and in with a mutual friend (more hers than mine evidently). She basically deserted her three daughters lives to be with this's a$$. He has done the basic creepy stuff, WW does not have her own phone, no landline, no internet, live in boonies half hour away. 
My daughters are older (24,28,30). With the oldest living in Florida along with my granddaughter AB (Atom bomb, so much more than just "the bomb") who is 4. WW has seen her twice in the last 3 years, last time just over a year ago for two hours. I don't doubt WW love for AB, but WW is in a big fog, still is after all this time. My daughter (who has had issues in past but doing great since AB came along) calls me yesterday in tears. Her phone conversation with WW went like this:
WW: have you done anything like a will to set up where AB would go if something should happen to you?
D: yes, Dad and I have talked about it, and if something were to happen to me she would move to Indiana, and live with him.(30 min from WW)
WW: that won't work, he can't take care of her, besides if she moves there I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE HER.
D: our plan is AB move in with him, and B (her fiancé,not sperm donor, but AB calls him dad, and he loves her to the end of the earth) will go too. Why? Do you want her?
WW: NO, I DONT WANT HER. But you need a better plan.

[email protected]! My granddaughter has no family from paternal side, and I am her only involved family from this side. (I go to Florida every 3 months for a week at a time, during the week AB stays with me, no day care, I bought her an IPad and we skype almost daily, recently came home to find 59 missed calls....lol). Why, if you have nothing positive to add do you have to stir the pot? Why, when you know that AB is your daughters world, you would so openly show she is not a top concern of yours? Oh yeah, forgot, it's because you are a psycho B. 

I assured my daughter that I would never use AB as a pawn. Reminded her that I have encouraged my daughters continual relationship with WW, as I know this is best for my girls (1 calls her monthly, one not at all). It would kill me to have her visit WW but I would sure see to it, encourage in fact. (Reserve the right to shoot the POSOM, If he insists she call him grandpa).
One last time.....YOU PSYCHO [email protected]! 

Thank you all, I now return to living well, best revenge.


----------



## ConanHub

moxy said:


> Conan, do you think that changes anything in the situation? What are your reasons and how do they tie into your question?
> 
> (I'm not trying to be hostile, but asking sincerely because I am curious about your phrasing.  )


LOL! Curiosity isn't hostile. She has obviously placed value on her relationship with OM. It is a far higher priority relationship than with Alpha. That being said. She shouldn't treat OM like he is just a good time if she wants to keep him.

Regardless, many, if not most, people do not enjoy seriously dating someone, including sex, if that person is randomly having sex with others, especially without their knowledge.

If she had sex with Alpha, OM has every right to be upset because of many factors. One being exposed to increased risk from STDs without his knowledge or consent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans

Hoosier said:


> Why, if you have nothing positive to add do you have to stir the pot? Why, when you know that AB is your daughters world, you would so openly show she is not a top concern of yours?


Yeah her comment seemed a bit cold. But you know what, let her talk herself into a hole. I am sure your daughter knows you are a good man which is why she said in a hypothetical event if something were to happen, she'd choose you. 

Let WW talk all the amazing amounts of sh*t that she wants. Let her dig her own hole.


----------



## Another Planet

I saw my exwifes OM and his wife(her exbff) yesterday...has put me in a tailspin. 
I already was on the edge because of a few things going on with my family. I find myself questioning this way of life and asking whats the point.
Over 3 years and it still nails me to the fvckin floor.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry AP. It's normal to feel triggered when you see the ex/OM/anyone involved in that entire ordeal. 

What "way of life" are you questioning? 

You are doing fine. Don't let it get you down.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Er ma gawd..... I don't know what I'm doing!

So I had (have?) a date this Saturday night. The guy is not my type at all for actual dating, but I haven't had an adult night out since about February, so it's long overdue. He's a 6'4", 230 lb. former Marine. Decent job, single full-time dad to one kiddo, big into Harleys, a little rough around the edges, but is my definition of a man's man, so he'll definitely do for now! 

So for Saturday night my sitter tells me today that she has a conflict and I have to find alternate care for my son for that night. Which I can do, I'm just going to feel more guilty about being away from my son since I know he'll be bored to tears with the alternate. Parenting = constant guilt I've decided.

Anyway, I met the guy online, I've of course seen pics, but there's always a chance with OLD that there won't be any chemistry in person. I don't really want to waste a Saturday night, and leave my son with someone he's less than enthused about, if it's just going to be a dud. 

Long story even longer - he lives about an hour away but commutes into the city where I live for work. He works 3rd shift. So I asked him if he could come into town just a few minutes early tonight so that we can get the first meet-and-greet over with...told him I'm just excited to meet him; which I am, but really it's to gauge whether I want to go through an entire dinner/movie date with him Saturday night.

He agreed to meet, but doesn't seem too excited about it. Now after the fact, I feel like a bit of an arse. I can't exactly back out now that I asked, but I'm feeling like a bit of a tool.


----------



## Another Planet

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry AP. It's normal to feel triggered when you see the ex/OM/anyone involved in that entire ordeal.
> 
> What "way of life" are you questioning?
> 
> You are doing fine. Don't let it get you down.


Being with someone and building a life. I've just had so much betrayle in my life, when I trigger it just overflows my cup. Hard for me to want to keep going with what I feel is just risking sooner or later blowing up a time bomb.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Oh, and RD - I dated a guy who was a partner in a law firm once, and we had that same discussion. He gave almost a verbatim answer as your lady friend, but he also added that it's not his place to decide if what his clients may or may not have done were right or wrong. That's the job of the judge and jury. And even if her clients admit to the wrongdoing... every person is entitled to a fair trial and competent legal representation. I don't think her character should be judged for being a professional. If she turned down every case she didn't morally agree with, I don't think she'd be bringing her firm in very much revenue.

I also dated a neuro-surgeon once who had to operate on a convicted pedophile. Did he have personal, mixed feelings about operating on a man who committed the heinous crimes that he did? Most definitely. But he saved that man's life regardless. We aren't afforded the luxury in this life of playing judge and jury to everyone whose decisions in life we don't agree with.

But moving onto something much more light-hearted... The big 3-0! Happy early birthday! Turning 30 suuuuuucks. But it beats the alternative! It'll come whether you want it to or not - so you may as well have a blast ringing it in. I went out with a group of abut 20 friends, we rented a stretch limo, went to a nice restaurant for dinner, and then had the limo drop us off downtown where we danced the night away. I even made the local paper! There happened to be a photographer at the nightclub we were at, and he took my picture and put it in the paper the next day. Was fabulous. Enjoy yourself!


----------



## RandomDude

Argh... let me enjoy my 20s for just a little longer >.< lol

As for my lawyer date, I don't know. Maybe I'll probe her a little more and see what's the extent of the crimes she deals with. Something like petty theft, armed robbery, drug possession, ok sure. But pedophilia, rape? If they admit to the wrongdoing, would she represent them? She's probably sick of such questions lol - I'll probably ruin my chances if I do probe...

Anyway for the neurosurgeon, saving someone's life is one thing. Representing them in a defence when they had admitted to their wrongdoing... not sure if I can agree with that. Honesty is a virtue I highly value after all, not to mention I feel very strongly when it comes to certain crimes. 

Reminds me of the movie "Liar Liar", where the son goes "My daddy's a liar!" and his teacher goes "You mean lawyer?" lol
Tell you what though she is one stunning law lady, and when she opens her mouth she definitely knows how to hold my attention, would be a shame if our views are too different.


----------



## SoVeryLost

So I'm glad I asked him to meet tonight. I only wasted an hour of my life versus several this coming Saturday. Now I remember why I don't date...


----------



## moxy

SoVery, were things that disappointing?


----------



## RandomDude

No chemistry? Tis normal! That's like, 90% of dates, for me anyway. 5% is mild chemistry, 4% is decent chemistry, 0.9% is good chemistry, 0.1% is strong.

I wouldn't say it was a waste of time, you knocked off maybe 1 out of the hundred in the law of averages before you'll meet someone worthwhile. Keep trying!


----------



## RandomDude

Cancelled date tonight with lawyer lady folks, cause tomorrow guess what? She's coming with me to salsa! 

She said she's not a good dancer though  Oh well, I'm sure it'll still be fun, regardless I'm happy she seems keen to let her hair down!


----------



## SoVeryLost

It wasn't even that there was no chemistry; although that was painfully obvious. We just come from two different worlds. When I could pull conversation out of him, all he talked about was how drunk he gets and how many times he's crashed his bike from driving drunk. I guess that's impressed other women in the past? If I did start to speak, he cut me off mid-sentence. Longest hour of my life... Thought it would never end. Ah well! Live and learn.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol

Ack, its the awkward dates that are worst...


----------



## moxy

SoVeryLost said:


> It wasn't even that there was no chemistry; although that was painfully obvious. We just come from two different worlds. When I could pull conversation out of him, all he talked about was how drunk he gets and how many times he's crashed his bike from driving drunk. I guess that's impressed other women in the past? If I did start to speak, he cut me off mid-sentence. Longest hour of my life... Thought it would never end. Ah well! Live and learn.



Oh, that is so disappointing...


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wow. Near miss there! Why would someone brag about that???


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SoVeryLost said:


> It wasn't even that there was no chemistry; although that was painfully obvious. We just come from two different worlds. When I could pull conversation out of him, all he talked about was how drunk he gets and how many times he's crashed his bike from driving drunk. I guess that's impressed other women in the past? If I did start to speak, he cut me off mid-sentence. Longest hour of my life... Thought it would never end. Ah well! Live and learn.


WTH? LOL, sorry SVL.. you are better off though. Better to find out sooner than later.


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wow. Near miss there! Why would someone brag about that???


Well, admittedly, I do it from time to time (date sabotage), scare off my dates. When the chemistry is low, and I'm bored, and it's just a meal, will never see them again - why not lol

It also remains the best way to push a woman away without potentially hurting her feelings, as pushing her away without the use of self-depreciation may yield the opposite result. 

I also do it while provoking the most amusing reactions for my entertainment, nothing offensive to the lady of course, as it's more self-depreciation. 

But that's just me, dunno if that guy did that.


----------



## Jellybeans

Another Planet said:


> Being with someone and building a life. I've just had so much betrayle in my life, when I trigger it just overflows my cup. Hard for me to want to keep going with what I feel is just risking sooner or later blowing up a time bomb.


I understand how you feel like you do but as you know, love is always a leap of faith. Gotta just either do it or axe it. 



RandomDude said:


> Cancelled date tonight with lawyer lady folks, cause tomorrow guess what? She's coming with me to salsa!


Salsa dancing sounds like a fun date.



SoVeryLost said:


> When I could pull conversation out of him, all he talked about was how drunk he gets and how many times he's crashed his bike from driving drunk. I guess that's impressed other women in the past? If I did start to speak, he cut me off mid-sentence. Longest hour of my life... Thought it would never end. Ah well! Live and learn.


Eek. Yeah, cross that one off the list.


----------



## RandomDude

I hope so, she did mention it's quite tight on her schedule with this little forewarning. She does sound keen, just stressed so I hope she makes it or we may have to postpone. Still - I'm going salsa tomorrow with or without her, I need to shake it, probably end up with another set of dates lol - and probably lose the mood by next week.


----------



## bkyln309

ConanHub said:


> Do dates mean sex? Did you have sex with Alpha on your recent date? Have you been having sex with OM? I have good reasons for asking, given the information you provided.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dates do not necessarily mean sex. I dated CM before I dated OM so we have had relations before. Then CM fell off the radar due to the illness of his mom and I met OM. I didnt see CM for a month and then re-appears wanting to get back to dating. 

Both men are very busy professionals who travel alot for their jobs. I am in Sr Mgmt and a single mom so getting together with any man is a chore in the first place. I like them both for different reasons but OM has more staying power. I dont think CM would be a long term relationship even though he says he wants something to the contrary.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> I hope so, she did mention it's quite tight on her schedule with this little forewarning. She does sound keen, just stressed so I hope she makes it or we may have to postpone. Still - I'm going salsa tomorrow with or without her, I need to shake it, probably end up with another set of dates lol - and probably lose the mood by next week.


Shake it but dont break it!!! LOL.


----------



## SoVeryLost

RandomDude said:


> Well, admittedly, I do it from time to time (date sabotage), scare off my dates. When the chemistry is low, and I'm bored, and it's just a meal, will never see them again - why not lol
> 
> It also remains the best way to push a woman away without potentially hurting her feelings, as pushing her away without the use of self-depreciation may yield the opposite result.
> 
> I also do it while provoking the most amusing reactions for my entertainment, nothing offensive to the lady of course, as it's more self-depreciation.
> 
> But that's just me, dunno if that guy did that.


I can admit defeat when necessary, but I truly don't believe this was the case. I don't think he was bright enough to devise a strategy to rid himself of me. He was pulling up videos on his phone; quite proudly, of several of these events. Including showing me pictures of one of his "friends" laying in the ditch after one said motorcylce accident. Apparently the man was in a coma for 6 months following the accident. 

He texted me several times last night, thanking me for seeing him. I replied succinctly so as not to be rude, but careful to not appear interested in any further communication either. Ay yi yi.

In other news, I have a new prospect for this weekend. Less of a date, more of an activity partner, which is what I want right now. We are tackling a state biking trail - roughly 30 miles. It should be fun.


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> I can admit defeat when necessary, but I truly don't believe this was the case. I don't think he was bright enough to devise a strategy to rid himself of me. He was pulling up videos on his phone; quite proudly, of several of these events. Including showing me pictures of one of his "friends" laying in the ditch after one said motorcylce accident. Apparently the man was in a coma for 6 months following the accident.
> 
> He texted me several times last night, thanking me for seeing him. I replied succinctly so as not to be rude, but careful to not appear interested in any further communication either. Ay yi yi.
> 
> In other news, I have a new prospect for this weekend. Less of a date, more of an activity partner, which is what I want right now. We are tackling a state biking trail - roughly 30 miles. It should be fun.


And some people... wonder why they're single. Glad you didn't end up wasting your Saturday night!

That's why I'm a little put off by dating. I don't want to waste my time on a bad date when I could be hanging out with my friends & having fun, or (better yet) reading a book!


----------



## FeministInPink

And now, we interrupt this regularly scheduled thread for the following:

I am pleased to announce that I won my first karaoke venue final last night, which means that I have qualified for the festival semi-finals!!! Woo-hoo!!!

This means I do NOT have to compete at any of the other 3 places where I previously qualified for venue finals, because I am IN.










(I am!!! )


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and in other news... I just thought this was a little WTF??? so I thought I would share.

I got a message on OKC the other day from a guy who 

1) lives 2+ hrs away from me;
2) is 64 years old (30 yrs older than me!); and
3) has a 34% match compatibility.

His message said "hello" ... no punctuation, nothing else.

Seriously? :scratchhead:


----------



## Shoto1984

I think that's the online dating equivalent to phishing. He sends a "hello" to every woman he finds attractive and maybe.....just maybe....one will respond. Meanwhile he's invested zero. Is it possible that it works 1% of the time? .01%? less? lol


----------



## FeministInPink

Shoto1984 said:


> I think that's the online dating equivalent to phishing. He sends a "hello" to every woman he finds attractive and maybe.....just maybe....one will respond. Meanwhile he's invested zero. Is it possible that it works 1% of the time? .01%? less? lol


Or something like that. Absurd. And it irritates me when I get these in my inbox.

I've come up with a matrix which determines whether or not I will reply to an OLD message:

-- If our compatibility match is <75%, I do not respond at all. If compatibility match is between 75% and 85%, I review "Unacceptable answers" to questions, and decide on a case-by-case basis.

-- If his message is a BS message like "hello" or "how are you?" I won't answer, unless compatibility is better than 90% AND I think he's attractive.

-- Initial message is explicitly sexual in nature? No response.

-- No pictures (or face isn't visible in the pics)? No response. 

-- Blank profile? No response.

-- In a relationship/marriage, and looking for a "friend"? In an open relationship and looking for fun? No response.

-- Immediately ask me out on a date without engaging me in conversation? No response.

-- Profile is derogatory towards women, or clearly bitter about relationships? No response.

-- Some profile pics prominently feature baby momma, but not him? No response.
_(This was added to the matrix based on one specific OKC message. I decided it was a good rule, because that's just weird.)_

-- Profile pics are unattractive/poorly chosen? No response. 
_(Note: If I find someone physically neutral, I won't rule them out based on that alone. Some people don't photograph well, and I'm not going to penalize them for that... they could be much more attractive in person. But if they're just plain ugly, or haven't made the effort to at least TRY to get some decent pictures--and I've found these two often go hand in hand--I'm going to pass them by, because it tells me that either they don't have much self-esteem, or they don't care enough to bother. That's going to carry over into other areas, and I don't want to deal with that. But a man who might not be considered conventionally "handsome" can *make* himself attractive by taking pride in his appearance.)_

-- Located outside my general geographic vicinity? No response--unless it's a place that I know I'll be going to soon, or would like to visit in the near future, and where I might enjoy some company.

-- And then there are some other personal preferences regarding age, religion, etc., that I'll filter by as well, which will result in... you guessed it! No response.​
I love using this... it's like my "I tip 20% across the board, no matter what" rule. It makes it simple to decide who to respond to, and it cuts down on wasted time. It eliminates a lot of guesswork. Does anybody else do this? What criteria do you use?


----------



## SoVeryLost

Holy buckets FIP! Is there anyone left??


----------



## ConanHub

bkyln309 said:


> Dates do not necessarily mean sex. I dated CM before I dated OM so we have had relations before. Then CM fell off the radar due to the illness of his mom and I met OM. I didnt see CM for a month and then re-appears wanting to get back to dating.
> 
> Both men are very busy professionals who travel alot for their jobs. I am in Sr Mgmt and a single mom so getting together with any man is a chore in the first place. I like them both for different reasons but OM has more staying power. I dont think CM would be a long term relationship even though he says he wants something to the contrary.


What I meant was are you having sex with both of them.

If you have been dating OM for 2.5 months and then just recently went out on a date with CM, that decision doesn't reflect your priority of the relationship with OM.

If you have been dating and having sex with OM for 2.5 months, hard to imagine liking someone enough to date that long without sex, and then go out on a date with kissing and/or sex with CM, it really shows a very low priority on your relationship with OM.

I would suggest letting OM know he is a priority and also acting on it. Be true to your own desires and achieve your goals.

OM is probably going to be ruffled that you dated CM, sex or no, unless he only views you as a good time.


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> Shake it but dont break it!!! LOL.


I'll try not too, so far it sounds like its still on though 
Good sign, means she's interested enough to make room for me!



SoVeryLost said:


> I can admit defeat when necessary, but I truly don't believe this was the case. I don't think he was bright enough to devise a strategy to rid himself of me. He was pulling up videos on his phone; quite proudly, of several of these events. Including showing me pictures of one of his "friends" laying in the ditch after one said motorcylce accident. Apparently the man was in a coma for 6 months following the accident.
> 
> He texted me several times last night, thanking me for seeing him. I replied succinctly so as not to be rude, but careful to not appear interested in any further communication either. Ay yi yi.
> 
> In other news, I have a new prospect for this weekend. Less of a date, more of an activity partner, which is what I want right now. We are tackling a state biking trail - roughly 30 miles. It should be fun.


LOL, hahahaha oh well at least tis a good story and laugh no? 



FeministInPink said:


> Oh, and in other news... I just thought this was a little WTF??? so I thought I would share.
> 
> I got a message on OKC the other day from a guy who
> 
> 1) lives 2+ hrs away from me;
> 2) is 64 years old (30 yrs older than me!); and
> 3) has a 34% match compatibility.
> 
> His message said "hello" ... no punctuation, nothing else.
> 
> Seriously? :scratchhead:


Different guys have different strategies, and I would say his is better than mine when it comes to online dating. You see, his style is like this:










He sprays everywhere and hopes he hits something! Of course, after spraying 100 bullets, there's a chance he'll hit his mark!

For me, my style is more like this:










I see what I like, then bring my A game to the picture. The problem is, my style works best in RL, where I can actually bring my A game; style, personality, suave, etc. Online, doesn't work so well; I needed to play the numbers game, which I'm not really good at. I sent a "kiss" to like, one woman a month. I just be picky! 



FeministInPink said:


> Or something like that. Absurd. And it irritates me when I get these in my inbox.
> 
> I've come up with a matrix which determines whether or not I will reply to an OLD message:
> 
> -- If our compatibility match is <75%, I do not respond at all. If compatibility match is between 75% and 85%, I review "Unacceptable answers" to questions, and decide on a case-by-case basis.
> 
> -- If his message is a BS message like "hello" or "how are you?" I won't answer, unless compatibility is better than 90% AND I think he's attractive.
> 
> -- Initial message is explicitly sexual in nature? No response.
> 
> -- No pictures (or face isn't visible in the pics)? No response.
> 
> -- Blank profile? No response.
> 
> -- In a relationship/marriage, and looking for a "friend"? In an open relationship and looking for fun? No response.
> 
> -- Immediately ask me out on a date without engaging me in conversation? No response.
> 
> -- Profile is derogatory towards women, or clearly bitter about relationships? No response.
> 
> -- Some profile pics prominently feature baby momma, but not him? No response.
> _(This was added to the matrix based on one specific OKC message. I decided it was a good rule, because that's just weird.)_
> 
> -- Profile pics are unattractive/poorly chosen? No response.
> _(Note: If I find someone physically neutral, I won't rule them out based on that alone. Some people don't photograph well, and I'm not going to penalize them for that... they could be much more attractive in person. But if they're just plain ugly, or haven't made the effort to at least TRY to get some decent pictures--and I've found these two often go hand in hand--I'm going to pass them by, because it tells me that either they don't have much self-esteem, or they don't care enough to bother. That's going to carry over into other areas, and I don't want to deal with that. But a man who might not be considered conventionally "handsome" can *make* himself attractive by taking pride in his appearance.)_
> 
> -- Located outside my general geographic vicinity? No response--unless it's a place that I know I'll be going to soon, or would like to visit in the near future, and where I might enjoy some company.
> 
> -- And then there are some other personal preferences regarding age, religion, etc., that I'll filter by as well, which will result in... you guessed it! No response.​
> I love using this... it's like my "I tip 20% across the board, no matter what" rule. It makes it simple to decide who to respond to, and it cuts down on wasted time. It eliminates a lot of guesswork. Does anybody else do this? What criteria do you use?


You take the sites' compatibility meter seriously? Really? lol


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> Holy buckets FIP! Is there anyone left??


Ha ha ha! I live in a big Metro area. There are ALWAYS more men left.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Different guys have different strategies, and I would say his is better than mine when it comes to online dating. You see, his style is like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> He sprays everywhere and hopes he hits something! Of course, after spraying 100 bullets, there's a chance he'll hit his mark!
> 
> For me, my style is more like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I see what I like, then bring my A game to the picture. The problem is, my style works best in RL, where I can actually bring my A game; style, personality, suave, etc. Online, doesn't work so well; I needed to play the numbers game, which I'm not really good at. I sent a "kiss" to like, one woman a month. I just be picky!


He'll hit SOMETHING, but is it going to be quality?



RandomDude said:


> You take the sites' compatibility meter seriously? Really? lol


 For some sites. It depends on what the compatibility meter is based on.

I see it as a starting point. I used to be completely skeptical, but I found that the more questions I answer, the more accurate the compatibility % is. Nothing's perfect, but like I said, it's a good place to start--and in reviewing files, I've consistently found that I'm not interested in profiles under 75%.

There is, of course, no accounting for in-person chemistry. But my goal is to rule out people who would be bad partners for me, even if there would be good chemistry. Because good chemistry would lead me to stay longer with someone who is ultimately a poor fit.


----------



## RandomDude

Well knowing I got very little results from online dating, I still say his way is better than my way - online that is! 

I dunno about the compatibility stuff considering several 90% matches ended up to be complete duds - so meh! Online dating just isn't for me, I go out and clean out clubs and meetups with numbers to the point I can't even match the face to the number at the end of the night lol

I can't do that on an online dating site, besides it forces me to put stuff that allows women the wrong impression of who I am:
"5'11" - Means I'm short! But in RL they can't tell the difference 
"No degree, not even high school" - Means I am not financially capable/stupid! (lol)
"Asian" - Means I must have a small willy!
"Seperated not divorced" - Means I'm not ready for a relationship!
Etc etc

But in real life, whoever I approach I get results! So


----------



## moxy

I've had better luck on Tinder than *******. The trouble is that I live so far away from everything and everyone that driving two hours for a first date keeps me from getting to it. I met a guy I like a LOT, but he lives 375 miles away. Met another guy I like who lives 150 miles away. The artist that I've been essentially playing calendar tag with (our schedules don't match up but there is a very very high chance that our personalities will) is also about 150 miles away. Sigh.


----------



## RandomDude

When I was quite busy at work a few months back I drove like... 200 KMs a day for a few weeks. 150 miles, whats that in KM?


----------



## SoVeryLost

moxy said:


> I've had better luck on Tinder than *******. The trouble is that I live so far away from everything and everyone that driving two hours for a first date keeps me from getting to it. I met a guy I like a LOT, but he lives 375 miles away. Met another guy I like who lives 150 miles away. The artist that I've been essentially playing calendar tag with (our schedules don't match up but there is a very very high chance that our personalities will) is also about 150 miles away. Sigh.


I typically stick with Tinder as well. It's so much more streamlined. And what you wrote is my life exactly! I live in a small city, and I've come to the conclusion that I am the last single person in this little town. Everyone I meet is at least an hour drive, if not more. As a single mom with full-time custody, it makes things difficult when dinner spans 3-4 hours with windshield time. Argh.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Completely random, but a friend posted on FB that she was in a car accident and got rammed from behind. And all I could think of was Random Dude was loose in the US! LOL

Carry on.


----------



## Jellybeans

:rofl: 

America, watch out!


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

Well guys, it was a fun night, but, quite frankly I don't think she's ready. She went on about her ex a few times at dinner, complaints actually, even though they were in the form of compliments, it's not something I wanted to hear. She did notice my loss of interest though and bit her tongue. Later as we got to know each other, she ticked a few boxes, but crossed others, one is her lack of affinity for animals, she doesn't mind them, but doesn't share the similar passion as me. 

I did appreciate her initiative to split, it's a sign that she's independent minded. Also, she does have a sense of humor, but she came across rather, 'straight-edged' at times, not a bad thing, just... chemistry not as strong in this regard. She's smart however, there were topics that we discussed that were usually too deep for several other dates in the past. She CAN dance too which is a plus, she 'lied' to me that she's not any good. However she wasn't very friendly to the other dancers when we hit the club for some reason, I felt her b-tch vibe as polite as she was. It embarrassed me somewhat as I didn't feel proud to have her beside me.

I got a bad vibe, didn't feel like continuing and wanted to leave it on a good note. She told me she had a good time, also texted me afterwards, but I'm already having second thoughts about next time. She did tell me that she would prefer a quieter date without others (as well as for me to book several days in advance so she can remain organised - she didn't like my last minute change), probably why she gave me that b-tch vibe. I didn't kiss her, dont think the time is right, and I probably won't. I may give her a pass, as attractive as she is. I simply don't think the stars are aligning on this one. I'll probably try to FZ her or encourage a FWB arrangement if possible.

Maybe it's not her, maybe I just messed up the first date. But I don't know, also maybe I'm just being negative because... FB at the same time is not impressed that instead of having her over I went out dating someone else. She didn't feel betrayed but felt that I'm just not interested so I told her the truth (again) and I think she's backing away, as I suspected she wants more than I can give. Meh, feels like I had to lose what's familiar for a chance at something unfamiliar but interesting yet it turns out what is interesting may not have been as beneficial as the arrangement I had with what is familiar - if that makes any sense.

Meh, I'll decide what to do later


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> Completely random, but a friend posted on FB that she was in a car accident and got rammed from behind. And all I could think of was Random Dude was loose in the US! LOL
> 
> Carry on.


Lol, heh thanks, you put a smile back on my face


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> And now, we interrupt this regularly scheduled thread for the following:
> 
> I am pleased to announce that I won my first karaoke venue final last night, which means that I have qualified for the festival semi-finals!!! Woo-hoo!!!
> 
> This means I do NOT have to compete at any of the other 3 places where I previously qualified for venue finals, because I am IN.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (I am!!! )


Woohoo!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> There is, of course, no accounting for in-person chemistry. But my goal is to rule out people who would be bad partners for me, even if there would be good chemistry. Because good chemistry would lead me to stay longer with someone who is ultimately a poor fit.


QFT. This simple statement could be used to explain (at a high level) why I'm twice divorced. It's a hard lesson I think I've finally learned. Wow, this is good stuff FIP!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SoVeryLost said:


> I live in a small city, and I've come to the conclusion that I am the last single person in this little town. Everyone I meet is at least an hour drive, if not more. As a single mom with full-time custody, it makes things difficult when dinner spans 3-4 hours with windshield time. Argh.


This is my life too! I have to be much more picky about who I try to date because as a full-time dad, I just can't go out 3 nights a week with just anyone from my town. And others that I would be interested in are farther away than I would be able to date seriously. Argh!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

EnjoliWoman said:


> Completely random, but a friend posted on FB that she was in a car accident and got rammed from behind. And all I could think of was Random Dude was loose in the US! LOL
> 
> Carry on.


ROFL:rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> *sigh*
> 
> Well guys, it was a fun night, but, quite frankly I don't think she's ready. She went on about her ex a few times at dinner, complaints actually, even though they were in the form of compliments, it's not something I wanted to hear. She did notice my loss of interest though and bit her tongue. Later as we got to know each other, she ticked a few boxes, but crossed others, one is her lack of affinity for animals, she doesn't mind them, but doesn't share the similar passion as me.
> 
> I did appreciate her initiative to split, it's a sign that she's independent minded. Also, she does have a sense of humor, but she came across rather, 'straight-edged' at times, not a bad thing, just... chemistry not as strong in this regard. She's smart however, there were topics that we discussed that were usually too deep for several other dates in the past. She CAN dance too which is a plus, she 'lied' to me that she's not any good. However she wasn't very friendly to the other dancers when we hit the club for some reason, I felt her b-tch vibe as polite as she was. It embarrassed me somewhat as I didn't feel proud to have her beside me.
> 
> I got a bad vibe, didn't feel like continuing and wanted to leave it on a good note. She told me she had a good time, also texted me afterwards, but I'm already having second thoughts about next time. She did tell me that she would prefer a quieter date without others (as well as for me to book several days in advance so she can remain organised - she didn't like my last minute change), probably why she gave me that b-tch vibe. I didn't kiss her, dont think the time is right, and I probably won't. I may give her a pass, as attractive as she is. I simply don't think the stars are aligning on this one. I'll probably try to FZ her or encourage a FWB arrangement if possible.
> 
> Maybe it's not her, maybe I just messed up the first date. But I don't know, also maybe I'm just being negative because... FB at the same time is not impressed that instead of having her over I went out dating someone else. She didn't feel betrayed but felt that I'm just not interested so I told her the truth (again) and I think she's backing away, as I suspected she wants more than I can give. Meh, feels like I had to lose what's familiar for a chance at something unfamiliar but interesting yet it turns out what is interesting may not have been as beneficial as the arrangement I had with what is familiar - if that makes any sense.
> 
> Meh, I'll decide what to do later


RD, for a little perspective... she sounds like an introvert to me. Actually, it's pretty obvious.

From your perspective, she "lied" about being a good dancer? I think was being modest. And not talking to the other dancers? She might not be comfortable making small talk with new people--especially when she is supposed to be on a date with YOU.

Actually, if it was me, I would be p!ssed if we were supposed to go out on a date--in which the intention is supposed to be one-on-one, getting to know one another--and I'm shoved into a situation where I'm expected to engage and make small talk with a bunch of strangers, and where my date isn't really focused on getting to know me. Because I'm supposed to be on a date with YOU, not a whole bunch of other random strangers. 

That's why she asked that the next date be quieter, without other people. You changed up the plans on her, and put her in a situation where she was very uncomfortable. Not only does she not know you very well, but you've put her in a situation where she has to make small talk with a whole host of people she doesn't know well. So now, not only is she thinking about what kind of impression she's making on you, she's overwhelmed by having to do that in front of all these other people.

If she knew you really well, she would have been more comfortable. If she had more time to gear up for this (if you hadn't changed the plans at the last minute), she would have been more comfortable (introverts need that--they need time to prepare for situations with lots of unknown people).

She wasn't being a b!tch, she was *really freaking uncomfortable* and was trying to make the best of it. If you had stuck to whatever the original plan was, you might have had an awesome time.


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> I typically stick with Tinder as well. It's so much more streamlined. And what you wrote is my life exactly! I live in a small city, and I've come to the conclusion that I am the last single person in this little town. Everyone I meet is at least an hour drive, if not more. As a single mom with full-time custody, it makes things difficult when dinner spans 3-4 hours with windshield time. Argh.


Ha ha, I was recently chatting with a guy on OKC, and he was hesitant because I lived *17 MILES AWAY *and he thought that might be too far. And I was like, seriously? What you're normal search radius? And he says, I like the women I date to live within 10 miles of me. And I thought, _well, that's kind of limiting your options_. If I met an amazing person, but they lived an hour away, I wouldn't care. I dated a guy who lived 1 hr 45 mins away, and the lost sleep and the time in my car was absolutely worth it. If you don't think I'm worth the *extra 7 minutes *it would take to see me, you're not worth ANY of my time, because you're never going to do anything above the bare minimum for me as a partner, anyway.

But I also got the impression that this guy had a very specific checklist he was going through, and it was more important that I checked off all the boxes than if we actually liked one another or could even love one another. Like, if he decided to propose, it would be because I checked off all the boxes, and not because he loved me.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Well, must admit that makes sense... though honestly I find it odd she's introverted in her line of work. Still, I guess I blew it.
Maybe she's just being nice when she said she had a good time, but I dunno. She'll probably decide to FZ me soon, unless I can save it, but I dunno... looks like I'll be single - with no one again, as I lost FB.

*sigh*

Been reflecting... this definitely wasn't one of my best attempts of wooing. Think I'm rusty again, I should have been more empathetic... oh well, live and learn. I don't usually date introverts, let alone introverted lawyers. Also I like to change things up out of the blue, it's just me... so maybe we're just not compatible. Anyway I'm taking the eggs out of this basket. I blew it.

*sigh*
Reflection... why did I even date her? Either than her pretty looks, oh thats right... the first night we met, gave me similar feels as the first night I met my ex wife. FK ME DEAD IM GOING TO BED BAH!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Well, must admit that makes sense... though honestly I find it odd she's introverted in her line of work. Still, I guess I blew it.
> Maybe she's just being nice when she said she had a good time, but I dunno. She'll probably decide to FZ me soon, unless I can save it, but I dunno... looks like I'll be single - with no one again, as I lost FB.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> Been reflecting... this definitely wasn't one of my best attempts of wooing. Think I'm rusty again, I should have been more empathetic... oh well, live and learn. I don't usually date introverts, let alone introverted lawyers. Also I like to change things up out of the blue, it's just me... so maybe we're just not compatible. Anyway I'm taking the eggs out of this basket. I blew it.
> 
> *sigh*
> Reflection... why did I even date her? Either than her pretty looks, oh thats right... the first night we met, gave me similar feels as the first night I met my ex wife. FK ME DEAD IM GOING TO BED BAH!


RD, I'm introverted, but my job requires me to engage with the public a lot, do presentations, etc., etc. I'm very good at it, and some of it I like, but it can be exhausting sometimes. I'll tell people, "I don't really like meeting new people and I hate small talk," and they respond, "But you have to talk to new people all the time at work!" They don't understand that while I don't have a script, my meeting and talking with new people has a clear purpose, and the conversations always stay within those professional parameters; I'm sharing information and knowledge that they want. If I had to meet and talk to those same people at a c0cktail party, I would be miserable. 

I would think that an introvert working as a lawyer would be similar. Introverts don't dislike talking or interacting; they dislike banal small talk, which tends to lack any real purpose. (As an introvert, my perspective is that anyone who engages me in small talk only does it because they either love to hear the sound of their own voice, or they are so uncomfortable with the silence of their own company that they feel the need to fill the space with chatter, and they choose to impose it upon me.) Introverts like to talk about REAL things and to have deep, thought-provoking (sometimes philosophical) discussions. So I can see how law would be VERY appealing to an introvert.

If YOU would be willing to give her another chance, I bet she would be willing to give YOU another chance... if you actually did something that was a little quieter and one-on-one. Maybe you blew it. But that doesn't mean that you can't get a second chance. She wouldn't have mentioned a second date if she wasn't interested. Who knows what could have happened? You're the one who decided to end the date early...


----------



## SoVeryLost

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, I was recently chatting with a guy on OKC, and he was hesitant because I lived *17 MILES AWAY *and he thought that might be too far. And I was like, seriously? What you're normal search radius? And he says, I like the women I date to live within 10 miles of me. And I thought, _well, that's kind of limiting your options_. If I met an amazing person, but they lived an hour away, I wouldn't care. I dated a guy who lived 1 hr 45 mins away, and the lost sleep and the time in my car was absolutely worth it. If you don't think I'm worth the *extra 7 minutes *it would take to see me, you're not worth ANY of my time, because you're never going to do anything above the bare minimum for me as a partner, anyway.
> 
> But I also got the impression that this guy had a very specific checklist he was going through, and it was more important that I checked off all the boxes than if we actually liked one another or could even love one another. Like, if he decided to propose, it would be because I checked off all the boxes, and not because he loved me.


I talked to a guy who lived in Chicago who would only date women within 5-10 miles of him...same thing. I jump for joy if someone is a mere 50 miles away! 

I did the long distance thing one time. He lived just over an hour away. Was amazing. I've always said I would never get married again, but we spoke of marriage often and I really saw a life with him. Until the day his wife called me. Yeah...... That'll put a stop to things pretty quick.


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> I talked to a guy who lived in Chicago who would only date women within 5-10 miles of him...same thing. I jump for joy if someone is a mere 50 miles away!
> 
> I did the long distance thing one time. He lived just over an hour away. Was amazing. I've always said I would never get married again, but we spoke of marriage often and I really saw a life with him. Until the day his wife called me. Yeah...... That'll put a stop to things pretty quick.


Whoa!!! That's crazy... 

My perspective on the distance is... why limit yourself in that way? And besides... If I date someone on the opposite side of my city, which is only a few miles away from where I live, it takes me 30-45 mins to get there. BUT If I date someone who lives outside the city, they could live 25-30 miles away, and it might take me LESS time to get there. So... basing it on physical distance makes no sense to me. I'm more concerned with travel time. And SO MANY PEOPLE that live outside my city commute into the city for work... it just makes sense to me, that if I date someone who commutes, we can go after work, and they can drive home after, with the added bonus of not having to deal with the rush hour snarl.


----------



## vi_bride04

Camping!!!!


----------



## SoVeryLost

So my date for Saturday canceled. He very bluntly said he's not attracted to me, but thinks I'm a "great person."

I'm going to crawl under a rock now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> I've had better luck on Tinder than *******. The trouble is that I live so far away from everything and everyone that driving two hours for a first date keeps me from getting to it. I met a guy I like a LOT, but he lives 375 miles away. Met another guy I like who lives 150 miles away. The artist that I've been essentially playing calendar tag with (our schedules don't match up but there is a very very high chance that our personalities will) is also about 150 miles away. Sigh.


I wont even chat with a guy who is that far from me! My limit is a 25-30 minute drive, so I wont bother wasting time with someone that far away. Because with MY luck, they would end up being perfect for me, lol, and I am no longer willing to do that kind of driving, so WHY BOTHER?


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD, I'm introverted, but my job requires me to engage with the public a lot, do presentations, etc., etc. I'm very good at it, and some of it I like, but it can be exhausting sometimes. I'll tell people, "I don't really like meeting new people and I hate small talk," and they respond, "But you have to talk to new people all the time at work!" They don't understand that while I don't have a script, my meeting and talking with new people has a clear purpose, and the conversations always stay within those professional parameters; I'm sharing information and knowledge that they want. If I had to meet and talk to those same people at a c0cktail party, I would be miserable.
> 
> I would think that an introvert working as a lawyer would be similar. Introverts don't dislike talking or interacting; they dislike banal small talk, which tends to lack any real purpose. (As an introvert, my perspective is that anyone who engages me in small talk only does it because they either love to hear the sound of their own voice, or they are so uncomfortable with the silence of their own company that they feel the need to fill the space with chatter, and they choose to impose it upon me.) Introverts like to talk about REAL things and to have deep, thought-provoking (sometimes philosophical) discussions. So I can see how law would be VERY appealing to an introvert.
> 
> If YOU would be willing to give her another chance, I bet she would be willing to give YOU another chance... if you actually did something that was a little quieter and one-on-one. Maybe you blew it. But that doesn't mean that you can't get a second chance. She wouldn't have mentioned a second date if she wasn't interested. Who knows what could have happened? You're the one who decided to end the date early...


The very strange thing is that when I did my personality test (according the whole 16 type system), I came out as an introvert believe it or not. Part of the reason I'm picky and FZ/FWBZ everyone I end up with is that the conversations aren't really stimulating enough and bore me senseless. But maybe that's because I just bore easy, I dunno. Also I meet alot of people, but only keep in touch with a few. They... fade away lol

Still I don't get uncomfortable at all in crowds, with new people, or whatever. Not even self-conscious half the time, unless I have to be, such as representing my business. But maybe this is more a trained trait rather than a natural aspect of my personality (if the test can even be taken seriously). I don't know... also why I probably can't understand other introverts (if I even am an introvert) very well.

Also the reason I don't take these tests seriously, nor IQ / EQ crap. Still remember when I was 10 and I was helping my mum out referencing while she was studying her doctorate degree, she had alot of materials in regards to human cognition functions, the whole mumble jumble of IQ and EQ. Quite frankly I never liked that it's been considered a "univeral truth" even when I was young and impressionable.

Regardless, thanks for your insight, and I've been thinking, if she's willing to have another date, as you said, then alright, I'll see how it goes. There are numerous spots I know in the city where I can take her, very romantic spots too. Maybe tis better no? Based on reflection of last night, the chemistry was strongest when we just conversed.


----------



## RandomDude

SoVeryLost said:


> So my date for Saturday canceled. He very bluntly said he's not attracted to me, but thinks I'm a "great person."
> 
> I'm going to crawl under a rock now.


Awww 

*Gives e-hug*

Well, it's times like this you have to remind yourself the FACT you are beautiful and that date simply lacks the decent eyes to appreciate it. Regardless he's honest, appreciate the honesty and find someone who can appreciate your beauty.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Thanks RD. It's a bit like saying that everyone is special though.... Which is another way of saying that no one is. Not everyone is beautiful. And that's okay. I make no apologies for who/what I am. 

I've never done well with men my entire life. Maybe I'm just too different. Too not enough. Not pretty enough. Not funny enough. Not witty enough. Not intelligent enough. Etc, etc, etc. I'm not having a pity party for myself, just making realistic observations.

Time to throw in the towel once more. I have an otherwise great life. Great career, wonderful son, nice home, taking some fun vacations this year... I don't need a man, as much as I may want one at times. Some of us are just destined to be alone I do believe, and I fall in that demographic.


----------



## RandomDude

-.-


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## SoVeryLost

All I wanted was to get laid! I can't even do that. Depressing stuff... I'm going for a run. Maybe some endorphins will get me out of this mood. Yuck.


----------



## RandomDude

Better


----------



## FeministInPink

SoVeryLost said:


> Thanks RD. It's a bit like saying that everyone is special though.... Which is another way of saying that no one is. Not everyone is beautiful. And that's okay. I make no apologies for who/what I am.
> 
> I've never done well with men my entire life. *Maybe I'm just too different. Too not enough. Not pretty enough. Not funny enough. Not witty enough. Not intelligent enough. Etc, etc, etc.* I'm not having a pity party for myself, just making realistic observations.
> 
> Time to throw in the towel once more. I have an otherwise great life. Great career, wonderful son, nice home, taking some fun vacations this year... I don't need a man, as much as I may want one at times. Some of us are just destined to be alone I do believe, and I fall in that demographic.


No, no, NO!!! Don't ever let anyone--or the absence of any someone--lead you to believe this. Ever!

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. And if another person can't see that, and value you for WHO YOU ARE, then fvck them!

No, not everyone can be supermodel gorgeous. But that doesn't make YOUR beauty any less valuable. Not everyone can be a genius, but that doesn't discount YOUR intelligence. Not everyone is as funny as Robin Williams (and, as an aside, he clearly had a LOT of problems), but that doesn't diminish YOUR sense of humor. Not everyone can be as witty as... I can't think of an example, but I think you know where I'm going with this.

People who are just enough find love and companionship all the time.

Everybody wants to be something more than they already are. (Why else is there such a large market for self-improvement books???) There's nothing wrong with that. When you stop growing, when you stop learning, you stop living. But don't let that stop you, or discourage you!

*hugs*


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## vi_bride04

Svl, work on your confidence that will help attract the right man. You can't get quality until you start believing YOU ARE QUALITY


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> No, not everyone can be supermodel gorgeous. But that doesn't make YOUR beauty any less valuable. Not everyone can be a genius, but that doesn't discount YOUR intelligence. Not everyone is as funny as Robin Williams (and, as an aside, he clearly had a LOT of problems), but that doesn't diminish YOUR sense of humor. Not everyone can be as witty as... I can't think of an example, but I think you know where I'm going with this.
> 
> People who are just enough find love and companionship all the time.


QFT


----------



## SoVeryLost

I'm just not cut out for the weird world of dating. Nothing about it is healthy for me.

In other news, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! It's hot, muggy, and pouring rain here. Yuck.


----------



## Another Planet

Ladies of TAM. I have a question. In what messed up crazy universe does your ex wife and you exGF whom I was dating while I was still married decide it would be an awesome idea to befriend each other?!?!
Seriously messed up WTF!


----------



## SoVeryLost

AP - when the wife of the guy I was dating called me out of the blue, we ended up chatting for about a half hour. She actually apologized to me on his behalf. Nice lady, and she could tell I was crushed and genuinely had no clue he had been married for the entire length of our relationship. In hindsight there were red flags, but that's for another day.

After our initial conversation when I told her I would immediately cease contact with her husband, she began texting me on a regular basis, just to chat. She even called me a few times again. 

Ultimately I told her I couldn't continue communicating with her. It was just too awkward to be grieving the loss of my relationship to what I had just discovered was her husband, and also befriending her; who he chose to stay married to, at the same time. My brain couldn't process it.

I think for her it was comforting to talk to someone who knew her pain firsthand. He had betrayed both of us, and no one knew what that felt like more than the two of us. In some bizarre way we shared a bond created from our love and loss of the same man. 

I don't know the specifics of your situation of course, but stranger things have happened.


----------



## moxy

A guy just asked me "do you deepthroat?" No "hello. My name is Blah. What's yours?" Nothing introductory. I asked him why he chose that as the first thing he wanted to say to me and he said looking at me made him instantly hard. That's bold. I am not quite sure how to respond. I wasn't offended, but it seemed like a move meant to dominate. I'm not usually shy, but it made me blush. What would you do in response? What is the appeal of deepthroating anyway? I don't mind, the mood is right, but I'm not a sex worker taking requests....it was strange.


----------



## moxy

My post may have been a little graphic. I didn't mean to offend anyone, if so. I'm genuinely asking for opinions.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol caught you off guard did he? Hehe
Your reaction is cute, I bet he would have done it in RL too, reactions are much cuter!

As for deepthroating? The appeal? Cause its always nice to be able to shove in full length. Tis all


----------



## moxy

RD, you think his words were just intended to provoke a reaction? Like, just a kind of playful naughtiness? I don't want the guy to think I'm trashy.


----------



## RandomDude

I can't talk on his behalf but that's what I do from time to time. I don't do it to women I really want however, I do it to women I don't really care about but wouldn't mind ramming, especially women I know I won't see again - I live in a big city so I can do it all the time! But that's just me. 

Or maybe he was just drunk and horny, saw your pic, got hard and posted what his brain down below was thinking lol - could be as simple as that.

As for trashy, I wouldn't call a woman trashy if she flirts back (if that is what you are intending), and I would call her fun if she didn't take it seriously and throws something back. But again, tis just me...


----------



## SecondTime'Round

moxy said:


> RD, you think his words were just intended to provoke a reaction? Like, just a kind of playful naughtiness? I don't want the guy to think I'm trashy.


If that was the only interaction from a man, I would not even bother responding. It would mean we had different priorities for being on a dating site.


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> A guy just asked me "do you deepthroat?" No "hello. My name is Blah. What's yours?" Nothing introductory. I asked him why he chose that as the first thing he wanted to say to me and he said looking at me made him instantly hard. That's bold. I am not quite sure how to respond. I wasn't offended, but it seemed like a move meant to dominate. I'm not usually shy, but it made me blush. What would you do in response? What is the appeal of deepthroating anyway? I don't mind, the mood is right, but I'm not a sex worker taking requests....it was strange.


Uh yeah, stay way from that guy.


----------



## FeministInPink

I agree, don't even reapond. He's only after one thing... and being after that one thing isn't necessarily a bad thing, except in this case he's not going to be taking care of your one thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Well I dunno 

Cause when I am after the one thing - then tis a rule to take care of her one thing too. Because if she's not impressed, then I won't be getting the one thing a second time! 

But meh, tis just me


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Well I dunno
> 
> Cause when I am after the one thing - then tis a rule to take care of her one thing too. Because if she's not impressed, then I won't be getting the one thing a second time!
> 
> But meh, tis just me


RD, you may be exceptional. His initial message was all about HIM and his pleasure. It completely objective her. I would never expect a guy like that to be generous in bed. I could be wrong about him, but that the first reaction I would have to a message like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

FIP, that's what I thought, too. While it's flattering to think that a guy I find very attractive is turned on by me (he's totally hot and if I thought we'd have a good time, I'd hit that; so I flirted back a little to see what happens), enough to make a bold statement like that, it's a telling statement. He didn't say, "You're hot; can we hook up?" He jumped immediately into whether or not I'd do a porn start type thing for him. He did so even before telling me his name or asking mine. He's answered every question I asked, fairly, but he's interested in steering every conversation toward his prowess, rather than his desire. The crazy thing is that if he had phrases it the other way, I'd have said yes, but this way both intrigues me and unsettles me. Maybe he just wants a BJ and won't return the favor. Maybe he won't be generous about getting me off, as he seeks getting off himself. I don't know. I can tell that the bold statement was a sort of gimmick. It kinda worked in that I can't get him out of my head, now, but...I'm not quite sure what I think of him or what he thinks of me.


----------



## RandomDude

Mmmm... well, tis true that his first message WAS "Do you deepthroat?"

And me? Exceptional? No lol  I just know cause and effect 
Make an impression and she'll wanna come over every night hehe

Speaking of which... I have to make plans with lawyer lady, if she's still interested. If not, will have to go out collecting numbers again... *sigh*



moxy said:


> It kinda worked in that I can't get him out of my head, now, but...I'm not quite sure what I think of him or what he thinks of me.


Wow, really? Maybe I should throw out random sexual crap like that more often then lol
Wonder if I should try it on lawyer lady!


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys, as of today, turns out I am officially divorced. Doesn't feel any different, just means I get to change my marital status now. Why do I have to put "Divorced"? I can pass as single yes? Besides I'm still in my 20s for the next few months!


----------



## bkyln309

Good morning. Had a really good weekend with my older man (OM). On Thursday, I brought the conversation around to dating and he definitely thinks we already were. I let my chemistry man (CM) know that I am not dating around anymore. His comment to me was "he is not right for you but I am a patient man. I will wait until it doesnt work out and then we can be together". He also preceded to text me throughout the weekend to remind me that I missed him (which I do but didnt tell him that).

I feel less stressed. I dont do well juggling men.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Congratulations Bkyln. I think that for the time being at least, you should probably block CM's number, or you will have to continue dealing with contact from him. That could escalate to a point where it has the potential to jeopardize your relationship with OM.


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, as of today, turns out I am officially divorced. Doesn't feel any different, just means I get to change my marital status now. Why do I have to put "Divorced"? I can pass as single yes? Besides I'm still in my 20s for the next few months!


Put divorced, in regards to online dating? If that's the case I believe the call is up to you. I personally cannot wait for the courts ink to dry on the paper so I'm officially single again.

The whole divorced aspect will show itself rather quickly, regardless of my status. With having kids and everything.


----------



## SoVeryLost

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, as of today, turns out I am officially divorced. Doesn't feel any different, just means I get to change my marital status now. Why do I have to put "Divorced"? I can pass as single yes? Besides I'm still in my 20s for the next few months!


My divorce drug out for two years, but the day I was notified that it was official you couldn't have knocked the stupid happy grin off my face! Course we have different circumstances... I never wanted to reconcile with my ex. 

I always put down that I'm divorced on dating sites, or in conversation with people. I don't attach a negative connotation to it. That was 10 years of my life...it happened, and they'll find out eventually anyway. Not a scarlet letter like it was in generations past. Either way you are a single man now - I don't think it matters much how you label it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I've been separated since 1 October 2013. My divorce can't come fast enough.


----------



## Lifescript

I've been separated since July 2013 but then there was a little attempt at reconciliation in between but still living appart. I can't wait for divorce to be final also. It's so easy to get married and so hard to divorce. It takes forever. 

What to put in status when you are not yet divorced? Separated going through divorce. They have something like that in OLD sites?


----------



## SoVeryLost

LS - they do, but I don't think you'll have a great deal of luck with that as your marital status listed. I know I'd never respond to someone with that listed. A lot of people who are separated realize that so they're dishonest about their marital status and list single. Then when the person comes to find out that you're still married... Yeah, not good. So it depends on what your intentions are. If you just want something casual, I don't know that you need to disclose you're separated. If you want to actually date, I'd be honest but you'll probably get some flack.


----------



## Lifescript

SoVeryLost said:


> LS - they do, but I don't think you'll have a great deal of luck with that as your marital status listed. I know I'd never respond to someone with that listed. A lot of people who are separated realize that so they're dishonest about their marital status and list single. Then when the person comes to find out that you're still married... Yeah, not good. So it depends on what your intentions are. If you just want something casual, I don't know that you need to disclose you're separated. If you want to actually date, I'd be honest but you'll probably get some flack.


SVL, that's what I thought. I'll stay away from OLD until I'm officially divorced. Don't want to deal with the awkwardness. A friend wants to hook me up with a family member who looks real nice. Sent her a fb invite. Looking at her posts she sounds bitter/depressed about a recent split. I'll stay away. Don't want to be a rebound.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Lifescript said:


> SVL, that's what I thought. I'll stay away from OLD until I'm officially divorced. Don't want to deal with the awkwardness. A friend wants to hook me up with a family member who looks real nice. Sent her a fb invite. Looking at her posts she sounds bitter/depressed about a recent split. I'll stay away. *Don't want to be a rebound.*


.....or with someone who airs their personal business and bitterness on FB....


----------



## Lone Shadow

FB is the devil, Bobby!


----------



## Jellybeans

bkyln309 said:


> G I let my chemistry man (CM) know that I am not dating around anymore. His comment to me was "he is not right for you but I am a patient man. I will wait until it doesnt work out and then we can be together". He also preceded to text me throughout the weekend to remind me that I missed him (which I do but didnt tell him that).


LOL. Hilarious.


----------



## bkyln309

Jellybeans said:


> LOL. Hilarious.



Well CM is a very successful businessman and used to getting his way. Totally his personality. It works for him. One of the things that makes him so attractive.


----------



## RandomDude

Court lady be texting me, but considering I think I messed up our first date... I wonder why she still seems interested... hmmm...


----------



## moxy

My dad's in the hospital and He's not doing well and I'm kinda freaking out. Please wish him a swift recovery, and me some strength. :/


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> My dad's in the hospital and He's not doing well and I'm kinda freaking out. Please wish him a swift recovery, and me some strength. :/



Sending you Aloha. 

Malama pono


----------



## Lone Shadow

Best wishes Moxy.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

{{Hugs}}, Moxy


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Court lady be texting me, but considering I think I messed up our first date... I wonder why she still seems interested... hmmm...


RD, if there was any chemistry at all - and it sounds like there was - I would always give a second date a try even if the first may not have gone exactly as hoped. So why are you questioning her still being interested? Don't write someone off so easily. Give it another go in a quieter setting and get to know her better.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sending you a really big hug and well wishes, Mox.


----------



## ConanHub

bkyln309 said:


> Good morning. Had a really good weekend with my older man (OM). On Thursday, I brought the conversation around to dating and he definitely thinks we already were. I let my chemistry man (CM) know that I am not dating around anymore. His comment to me was "he is not right for you but I am a patient man. I will wait until it doesnt work out and then we can be together". He also preceded to text me throughout the weekend to remind me that I missed him (which I do but didnt tell him that).
> 
> I feel less stressed. I dont do well juggling men.


Good to hear it. Did you tell OM about your date with CM?

Still curious if sex was involved as well. I am not being morbid. I have just seen these issues come back and bite people in the middle of good relationships because they weren't dealt with in the beginning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Hugs Moxy!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> RD, if there was any chemistry at all - and it sounds like there was - I would always give a second date a try even if the first may not have gone exactly as hoped. So why are you questioning her still being interested? Don't write someone off so easily. Give it another go in a quieter setting and get to know her better.


Agreed, RD, if you're going to date despite the advice around here, I say give this one another shot.


----------



## bkyln309

ConanHub said:


> Good to hear it. Did you tell OM about your date with CM?
> 
> Still curious if sex was involved as well. I am not being morbid. I have just seen these issues come back and bite people in the middle of good relationships because they weren't dealt with in the beginning.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I didnt tell OM about CM at all. CM knows about OM. Like I said earlier, I dated CM before OM so sex was involved. But not recently. But CM wants that again with me but I dont want to go there because I wouldnt risk OM for CM.


----------



## ConanHub

bkyln309 said:


> No, I didnt tell OM about CM at all. CM knows about OM. Like I said earlier, I dated CM before OM so sex was involved. But not recently. But CM wants that again with me but I dont want to go there because I wouldnt risk OM for CM.


That is good and what I was asking. The recent date is what could cause harm to your current relationship, not what you did with CM before meeting OM.

It would probably be beneficial to let OM know you did recently date CM but your call. Everything might just go smoothly but CM might endanger your relationship in the future.

If OM found out about your recent date from another source, probably not likely, how do you think it would affect you two?

In one aspect, you share more intimacy with CM because he knows about OM but OM is clueless about CM.

I advise honesty and transparency for solid relationships but if it is unlikely that CM will ever be known to OM besides finding out by you, you may just want to put the kabosh on CM, blocking and eliminating him from your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkyln309

ConanHub said:


> That is good and what I was asking. The recent date is what could cause harm to your current relationship, not what you did with CM before meeting OM.
> 
> It would probably be beneficial to let OM know you did recently date CM but your call. Everything might just go smoothly but CM might endanger your relationship in the future.
> 
> If OM found out about your recent date from another source, probably not likely, how do you think it would affect you two?
> 
> In one aspect, you share more intimacy with CM because he knows about OM but OM is clueless about CM.
> 
> I advise honesty and transparency for solid relationships but if it is unlikely that CM will ever be known to OM besides finding out by you, you may just want to put the kabosh on CM, blocking and eliminating him from your life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


CM knows about OM only because he came back into my life (after a month hiatus) asking to pick up where we left off but I had met OM and things were changed. I did feel I needed to explain I met someone I really liked and we could not go back. I should have not met up with CM again but I did at a moment of weakness. We really were into each other before OM. I must admit I struggle with it because of our chemistry. But OM is more of a long term thing than CM. 

Im not sure how OM would react if he knew I saw CM recently. I dont think its a deal breaker but I really dont want to put it to the test either. 

I do need to block CM for awhile.


----------



## ConanHub

bkyln309 said:


> CM knows about OM only because he came back into my life (after a month hiatus) asking to pick up where we left off but I had met OM and things were changed. I did feel I needed to explain I met someone I really liked and we could not go back. I should have not met up with CM again but I did at a moment of weakness. We really were into each other before OM. I must admit I struggle with it because of our chemistry. But OM is more of a long term thing than CM.
> 
> Im not sure how OM would react if he knew I saw CM recently. I dont think its a deal breaker but I really dont want to put it to the test either.
> 
> I do need to block CM for awhile.


Alright. It seems like you have some mixed feelings between these two. I hope clarity arrives soon and you realize one is worth all the effort. I can tell that CM still has a hold in your heart and maybe he can tell as well.

Best wishes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkyln309

ConanHub said:


> Alright. It seems like you have some mixed feelings between these two. I hope clarity arrives soon and you realize one is worth all the effort. I can tell that CM still has a hold in your heart and maybe he can tell as well.
> 
> Best wishes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



CM does hold a piece of me. I feel like we never found out what we could be. But he is also not the type of man to hold down a long term relationship. We are both the same Type A upfront people. I know he wants me and vice versa. Nothing left unsaid. 

OM is a great guy. I just get mixed messages from him and I dont always know where I stand. He is laid back and not as upfront which makes me uneasy. I dont do well interpreting signs and signals. He is more type b and not one to put things out there. More go with the flow which drives me crazy.


----------



## Lifescript

Hugs moxy. I hope your dad gets better soon.

Bklyn, 

My advice is don't tell OM about CM. there's a good chance it messes up what you have with OM. BUT ... block CM and don't talk to him at all. Sounds like you know CM is not right for you long term and that OM has more promise. Let logic win. Sounds like you have fun with OM.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> My dad's in the hospital and He's not doing well and I'm kinda freaking out. Please wish him a swift recovery, and me some strength. :/


I'm so sorry, moxy. I hope he gets better real soon. You can handle this. You got this. You're a strong lady. *hugs*


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Court lady be texting me, but considering I think I messed up our first date... I wonder why she still seems interested... hmmm...


Sheesh, RD, you're all over the freakin map with this one. First, you decide you don't like her because she's a too reserved on the first date, and so you decide to end it early; then you swing to the opposite direction and think that you're the one who fvcked up the date, and hope she'll even just give you another chance; NOW she's texting you, she's clearly still interested, and so now you're asking, what's wrong with her?

What I want to know is, WTF is wrong with YOU?

Seriously?

Do you like her to go out enough with her again? Yes? Then go out with her. No? Then don't go out with her.

RD, I say this with nothing but love and affection: You need your fvcking head examined!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Sheesh, RD, you're all over the freakin map with this one. First, you decide you don't like her because she's a too reserved on the first date, and so you decide to end it early; then you swing to the opposite direction and think that you're the one who fvcked up the date, and hope she'll even just give you another chance; NOW she's texting you, she's clearly still interested, and so now you're asking, what's wrong with her?
> 
> What I want to know is, WTF is wrong with YOU?
> 
> Seriously?
> 
> Do you like her to go out enough with her again? Yes? Then go out with her. No? Then don't go out with her.
> 
> RD, I say this with nothing but love and affection: You need your fvcking head examined!


Lol.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah it happens when I actually like someone - and fear screwing things up, my brain goes everywhere. Regardless it's just random insane thoughts, like most of my posts. I'm still taking her out after all, just curious because I'm not so confident of our first date, she is a little hard to read. Poker face.

Not to mention failing to nail the first impression wavers my confidence on the second date. When my confidence is low, I invest less, start withdrawing, start sabotaging. It gives me the nice illusion of control.  But nevermind that, as I won't be sabotaging anytime soon. Not yet! She DID complain, sort of, on the first date. Not good to have complaints!!! Even if it was in the form of a suggestion! Romance is like an audition, you don't get unlimited chances.

Still, she texted - so I should stop thinking so much. *whacks head*


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> SVL, that's what I thought. I'll stay away from OLD until I'm officially divorced. Don't want to deal with the awkwardness. A friend wants to hook me up with a family member who looks real nice. Sent her a fb invite. Looking at her posts she sounds bitter/depressed about a recent split. I'll stay away. Don't want to be a rebound.


Oh man. It really isn't that difficult. Put your status as either single or divorced and if the conversation comes up (seeing how you have a son it will) then you take it from there.

In the last year and a half only one went to a second date, out of 14 women. That's not counting the ones that bailed or I cancelled on beforehand. 

You've lived seperate for quite sometime, in my opinion that's beyond "seperated". That's single territory with things being tied up in the legal system. Anyone who doesn't understand that, isn't worth your time.

Keep them off Facebook! I'm not sure about you but I take Facebook seriously. As in who I add and who I don't. It's a window into my personal world.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Yeah it happens when I actually like someone - and fear screwing things up, my brain goes everywhere. Regardless it's just random insane thoughts, like most of my posts. I'm still taking her out after all, just curious because I'm not so confident of our first date, she is a little hard to read. Poker face.
> 
> Not to mention failing to nail the first impression wavers my confidence on the second date. When my confidence is low, I invest less, start withdrawing, start sabotaging. It gives me the nice illusion of control.  But nevermind that, as I won't be sabotaging anytime soon. Not yet! She DID complain, sort of, on the first date. Not good to have complaints!!! Even if it was in the form of a suggestion! Romance is like an audition, you don't get unlimited chances.
> 
> Still, she texted - so I should stop thinking so much. *whacks head*


omigod, you're complicated...


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Yeah it happens when I actually like someone - and fear screwing things up, my brain goes everywhere. Regardless it's just random insane thoughts, like most of my posts. I'm still taking her out after all, just curious because I'm not so confident of our first date, she is a little hard to read. Poker face.
> 
> Not to mention failing to nail the first impression wavers my confidence on the second date. When my confidence is low, I invest less, start withdrawing, start sabotaging. It gives me the nice illusion of control.  But nevermind that, as I won't be sabotaging anytime soon. Not yet! She DID complain, sort of, on the first date. Not good to have complaints!!! Even if it was in the form of a suggestion! Romance is like an audition, you don't get unlimited chances.
> 
> Still, she texted - so I should stop thinking so much. *whacks head*


If you had more self worth and confidence you wouldn't have all of these kinds of crazy, self-doubting thoughts or the feeling of needing to try to control the situation.

I think you like the chaos, to be honest.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Oh man. It really isn't that difficult. Put your status as either single or divorced and if the conversation comes up (seeing how you have a son it will) then you take it from there.
> 
> In the last year and a half only one went to a second date, out of 14 women. That's not counting the ones that bailed or I cancelled on beforehand.
> 
> You've lived seperate for quite sometime, in my opinion that's beyond "seperated". That's single territory with things being tied up in the legal system. Anyone who doesn't understand that, isn't worth your time.
> 
> Keep them off Facebook! I'm not sure about you but I take Facebook seriously. As in who I add and who I don't. It's a window into my personal world.


Agree completely. And yes to me Facebook is a big deal. Just yesterday I took out a bunch of people. I'm a private person.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> omigod, you're complicated...




But hey, as long as I don't make any decisions based on these thoughts, I'm fine 

Like - I'm not calling it quits or anything! Also - the rarer the girl is, the more nervous I get. Tis normal no? Besides I'm dealing with it...

She's drop dead gorgeous AND can hold an intelligent conversation. And she can dance. I decided to date her instead of going the whole FWB route with her for a reason... one thing I'm concerned about is her time and mine, my weekends are non-negotiable and she's working full-time, focused on career.


----------



## Shoto1984

Since I opened my mouth a few weeks back I feel like I owe a report. Turns out my budding romance has withered on the vine long before reaching fruition. Thinks seemed great until they weren't. I got the fade away on contact and then the "I guess I'm not ready yet" line. Ah well...back to fishing


----------



## 06Daddio08

Judge signed off on the divorce. It's official as of June 13th.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> Judge signed off on the divorce. It's official as of June 13th.


Woot! We're waiting for you on the dark side. We have cookies and margaritas.

:toast:


----------



## FeministInPink

Shoto1984 said:


> Since I opened my mouth a few weeks back I feel like I owe a report. Turns out my budding romance has withered on the vine long before reaching fruition. Thinks seemed great until they weren't. I got the fade away on contact and then the "I guess I'm not ready yet" line. Ah well...back to fishing


Everyone is bound to have a few duds. Back to the drawing board!


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, I meant to tell y'all... my birthday was on Monday, so on Sunday I treated myself to a day at Six Flags America. (Actually treated myself to a season pass, it just made sense economically.) I had a great time, rode almost all the roller coasters, and left with a Wonder Woman t-shirt AND a Wonder Woman cape.

A good time was had by all... i.e., a good time was had by ME, aka Wonder Woman. Now, all I need are my shoes! 

(I'm waiting to get my birthday coupon from the shoe place because I refuse to pay retail...)


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Judge signed off on the divorce. It's official as of June 13th.


Congrats!


----------



## SARAHMCD

I asked my FWB if he wanted to meet up this week - suggested 2 dates. It's been 10 days since I saw him last. He said this week he's too busy but does look forward to going out next week (dinner and his place). Arggg...once every 2-3 weeks is just not enough for me. I've already told him I would like to see him more and I'm usually the one who asks him out (or shows up at his place). We are 45 minutes apart (60 in traffic) so its not that easy. He does come out my way half the time. But without someone to replace him, I don't really want to blow him off completely just yet. And I'm not really ready to pursue a longer term relationship - just want the FWB right now. Frustrating...

In other news, I found out my high school crush is living about 5 miles away from me. A big deal since we're both from another country! What a wild coincidence. We've been texting but haven't managed to sync up our schedules to meet yet. Hopefully this weekend or early next week. He is divorced and I found him while searching on an OLD website. So who knows?? Maybe the chemistry is still there after 30 years? 

Anyone doing anything fun for the long weekend?


----------



## SoVeryLost

06Daddio08 said:


> Oh man. It really isn't that difficult. Put your status as either single or divorced and if the conversation comes up (seeing how you have a son it will) then you take it from there.
> 
> In the last year and a half only one went to a second date, out of 14 women. That's not counting the ones that bailed or I cancelled on beforehand.
> 
> You've lived seperate for quite sometime, in my opinion that's beyond "seperated". That's single territory with things being tied up in the legal system. Anyone who doesn't understand that, isn't worth your time.
> 
> Keep them off Facebook! I'm not sure about you but I take Facebook seriously. As in who I add and who I don't. It's a window into my personal world.


Well to each their own! Even if someone told me they had been separated for a long time it wouldn't matter to me. I'd run for the hills. I don't want to deal with someone's unfinished business. And if you tell someone you're divorced when you're not, well then you've just started off with a lie. It might not matter to some people, but to others it will. Do what you've gotta do LS!

And daddio- HUGE congrats on the divorce date!! I know this will be quite a weight off your shoulders. Happy for you.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I asked my FWB if he wanted to meet up this week - suggested 2 dates. It's been 10 days since I saw him last. He said this week he's too busy but does look forward to going out next week (dinner and his place). Arggg...once every 2-3 weeks is just not enough for me. I've already told him I would like to see him more and I'm usually the one who asks him out (or shows up at his place). We are 45 minutes apart (60 in traffic) so its not that easy. He does come out my way half the time. But without someone to replace him, I don't really want to blow him off completely just yet. And I'm not really ready to pursue a longer term relationship - just want the FWB right now. Frustrating...
> 
> In other news, I found out my high school crush is living about 5 miles away from me. A big deal since we're both from another country! What a wild coincidence. We've been texting but haven't managed to sync up our schedules to meet yet. Hopefully this weekend or early next week. He is divorced and I found him while searching on an OLD website. So who knows?? Maybe the chemistry is still there after 30 years?
> 
> Anyone doing anything fun for the long weekend?


I think once a week is a reasonable request for FWB. If he can't do that, you might want to take the time in between to start interviewing other potential FWBs.

I say this because while it's not a romantic relationship, it is still a _type_ of relationship, and in this specific relationship, your specific needs are not being met. If all you want is the occasional sack session, then fine. But you want something more regular.

If it was me? I would be OK doing a romantic relationship with that sort of distance, assuming we're both committed to making it work and making time for one another. But if I were to have a FWB, I would want someone close enough that I could call up on a Tuesday night and say, "Hey, I'm horny" and he could be at my door in less than 15. (Obviously, I don't expect someone to be at my beck and call, but if he's home and he's not busy.) Trying to coordinate a 45-60 distance for a booty call is a little absurd to me.

Your former HS crush sounds like a much more likely candidate. And since you have a history of being friends since back in the day, it might be easier to transition back into friends if one of you wants to end things.

As for fun plans this weekend... going home to see the 'rents on Friday, and we will be going to my Dad's regular karaoke joint so my mother can brag about and take the credit for my singing ability. 

And then on Saturday, will be getting together with my high school girlfriends for our second-annual mini-reunion. I'm making my famous fruit salad, and I'm trying out a new recipe for a cheesecake pastry.

And then on either Sunday or Monday, I'm going back to Six Flags for more fun. I'll hopefully remember my sunblock this time.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> I think once a week is a reasonable request for FWB. If he can't do that, you might want to take the time in between to start interviewing other potential FWBs.
> 
> I say this because while it's not a romantic relationship, it is still a _type_ of relationship, and in this specific relationship, your specific needs are not being met. If all you want is the occasional sack session, then fine. But you want something more regular.
> 
> If it was me? I would be OK doing a romantic relationship with that sort of distance, assuming we're both committed to making it work and making time for one another. But if I were to have a FWB, I would want someone close enough that I could call up on a Tuesday night and say, "Hey, I'm horny" and he could be at my door in less than 15. (Obviously, I don't expect someone to be at my beck and call, but if he's home and he's not busy.) Trying to coordinate a 45-60 distance for a booty call is a little absurd to me.
> 
> .


You're right, the problem with this FWB is that he is so far away so its not easy to just show up with a "hey, I'm horny". Hence, why we usually have whole dates. Which are nice to build up the tension before the event as well as catch up. But again, it means we only see each other every 10 days-3 weeks. I've also tried some sexting with him in between, but he's not great at it, in my opinion. Seems like I make him uncomfortable being too forward perhaps? Our emails or texts are usually pretty tame. I flirt, but he doesn't do much flirting back other than to smiley face or wink at what I say. Beyond the time aspect, I think I need someone more aggressive/assertive. 

Its not easy to find a FWB. I'm pretty picky and its not something I've ever done before this guy. I've always been in a relationship before I've slept with someone. So for me to be comfortable enough to be intimate I need to like the guy (but not too much) and find really good physical chemistry. Otherwise, its just not worth it. 

Time to start interviewing!!!

And it sounds like you have a great weekend planned. I'm so impressed that you karaoke. So much fun. I'm planning on spending some time on the beach (I'm in the sunny south) and getting caught up on my book for a bookclub meetup next week. 

Oh, and learn Texas Hold'Em for another meetup in 10 days. Does anyone play or know a good YouTube video to watch?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Sarah, FIP, others: I've forgotten how many of you have kids living at home, fulltime/parttime custody, etc? I'm jealous of all this fun you're having on your own, lol!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Don't get me wrong, D9 and I have plenty of fun together and I have actually had a little bit of time by myself the last couple of weeks. We are heading to the lake in our camper for a nice 4 day weekend with family. I'm pumped about it!


----------



## Lifescript

SoVeryLost said:


> Well to each their own! Even if someone told me they had been separated for a long time it wouldn't matter to me. I'd run for the hills. I don't want to deal with someone's unfinished business. And if you tell someone you're divorced when you're not, well then you've just started off with a lie. It might not matter to some people, but to others it will. Do what you've gotta do LS!
> 
> And daddio- HUGE congrats on the divorce date!! I know this will be quite a weight off your shoulders. Happy for you.


Yep. I hear you. At this point I have decided to put in real effort in having more fun, doing new things and meeting new people. In the middle of doing all that I'm sure there will be opportunities to meet and go out with women. All I can do is be honest with them off the bat and tell them what's up. If they run for the hills fine. It wasn't meant to be. 

It will take someone who knows about divorce and how long it takes. I personally feel is different if someone is just coming out of a relationship versus someone who's been alone for years. I'm divorced mentally and emotionally. Only a piece of paper is keeping me married legally. 

Plus ... I won't be looking to get super serious off the bat. The fact that the divorce is in process and not something I'm merely thinking about doing helps the situation I think. It's a matter of time.


----------



## SARAHMCD

GG. Going to the lake sounds amazing. Nothing to be jealous of. Just different.

I will be alone most of this weekend ( no kids). Lucky for me I love my own company. And I live near a gorgeous beach! I'll take my book and hang out at the local coffee shop. Go for a bike ride. And learn to play Texas Hold Em. Oh, and perhaps get on the back of a Harley for a ride.

Last week I went paddle boarding for the first time! I've been taking a stained art class - finish it tomorrow. Each week I try something new.

Keeps me moving forward.....


----------



## SARAHMCD

LS, I agree. If I met someone who had posted online that they were divorced but then explained the situation in an email or in person, I would perfectly understand. And definitely not run for the hills. Now if you spent the whole date talking about your ex, then that's a different story....


----------



## FeministInPink

No kids for me. Made the divorce that much easier.

I'm now 36 and very single, so I don't think kids are in my cards, but that's OK because I've never really felt the urge. My clock must be broken :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> No kids for me. Made the divorce that much easier.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm now 36 and very single, so I don't think kids are in my cards, but that's OK because I've never really felt the urge. My clock must be broken :rofl:



Don't worry you have other important gifts to contribute to society.


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> Don't worry have other important gifts to contribute to society.


That's been my perspective all along 

ETA: And thanks.


----------



## Ikaika

Kids can be a handful

http://youtu.be/evjJJoEONgo

And it does not get easier when they become teenagers.


----------



## bravenewworld

Catching up on the thread - Moxy hugs to you! Sending healing energy for your Dad.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I meant to tell y'all... my birthday was on Monday, so on Sunday I treated myself to a day at Six Flags America. (Actually treated myself to a season pass, it just made sense economically.) I had a great time, rode almost all the roller coasters, and left with a Wonder Woman t-shirt AND a Wonder Woman cape.
> 
> A good time was had by all... i.e., a good time was had by ME, aka Wonder Woman. Now, all I need are my shoes!
> 
> (I'm waiting to get my birthday coupon from the shoe place because I refuse to pay retail...)


That sounds like the perfect way to spend a birthday FIP! Get on that invisible plane and whip around your lasso of truth. #ladybadass #wonderfip


----------



## bravenewworld

Recently I had an awakening. Even though I think of myself as attractive, I never saw myself as "hot." Classic case of low self esteem plus not feeling like my body is in the shape I want it to be. I'm a size 8 in a town where practically everyone is a size 4. At my job, I'm literally the biggest bartender there. I always felt guys were more attracted to my mind/personality than my body. 

However, within the past week, I've started thinking - hey, I am hot! The weird part is once I started thinking it, the entire world changed. I've often had guys flirt with me and whatnot, but it seemed like harmless banter - now it seems much more sexually charged. Am I carrying myself differently? I dunno. It seems very odd that once you decide you are hot - you become hot. But I'm pretty sure it's true. 

Just wanted to put that out there because I know it's hard to be single post-d, especially if you have a good head on your shoulders and don't want to settle for just any ole' body. I've spent way too many days feeling badly about myself over some random dbag's approval, or lack thereof. 

Do yourself a favor today; decide you are hot. :smthumbup:


----------



## moxy

My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Speechless

Condolences nonetheless...


----------



## SecondTime'Round

moxy said:


> My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.


Oh I am so sorry, Moxy . I know exactly how you feel. My dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack (on Christmas night after a wonderful day we all had together). The shock of it is something that can't be explained. One of the things I missed most was just being able to send him an email of a funny news article or something.....so many times I went to do that and realized nobody was on the other end anymore. I can promise you that it DOES get easier. It will be very hard, and you'll cry a lot, but you'll find you cry less and less over time. Just like anything else, time heals, so give time time. Many many hugs and prayers to you in the coming days, weeks and months.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Moxy, I'm sorry for your loss. If there's anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask.


----------



## Jellybeans

Sorry for your loss, Moxy. I think it's wonderful you got to spend time with him before he went. Hugs.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

So sorry Mox. Hang in there. Our thoughts are with you.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

moxy said:


> My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.


I'm very sorry.
It's not everyone who gets to leave this life having their hand held by someone who loves them. In your heart there will always be what he gave you; he won't ever be too far away.


----------



## Shoto1984

Sorry to hear Moxy. I hope he lived a full life.


----------



## bkyln309

moxy said:


> My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.


I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers.


----------



## FeministInPink

I'm so sorry, moxy. But I'm glad you were able to have those last moments with him, that you were able to say goodbye, and that he wasn't alone. 

*hugs*


----------



## Lone Shadow

Moxy, you've followed my thread, yes? Maybe my recent updates will give you something to smile about.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

moxy said:


> My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.


Moxy, I am SO sorry, I had been watching here to hoping to see a positive update. 

I can relate because I just lost my stepfather a week ago today. His lungs just went into failure from his battle with lung cancer. Us kids were all by his side when he went. 

Hugs to you.


----------



## ne9907

I am so sorry for you loss Moxy. I miss our conversations from last year, remember?? Please message me if you need anything at all.

Take care, hugs and kisses


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.



I'm so sorry 

Aloha


----------



## Healer

Condolences, Moxy.


----------



## Healer

I haven't texted reporter gal since we chatted last weekend (and she hasn't texted me). I'm not sure if I should initiate or not. She's playing it cool, I'm playing it cool. I left it at "well, shoot me a text when you're back from Vancouver if you want to get together". She texted me from the road for some small talk.

Am I being an idiot? Should I just text her? Is she waiting for me to initiate? I'm attracted to her, but I don't chase women (like I chased her back in '96) and my "meh, take it or leave it" attitude is pretty strong. Do I need to be the one putting in the effort, making the move? She's a beautiful woman. Smart, sophisticated. I'm nearly 40 - I feel dumb playing games - if that's what this is. But I am a much different, more guarded, aloof person now (in regards to relationships) than I was before my divorce.

Thoughts, ladies (and gents)?


----------



## bkyln309

Healer said:


> I haven't texted reporter gal since we chatted last weekend (and she hasn't texted me). I'm not sure if I should initiate or not. She's playing it cool, I'm playing it cool. I left it at "well, shoot me a text when you're back from Vancouver if you want to get together". She texted me from the road for some small talk.
> 
> Am I being an idiot? Should I just text her? Is she waiting for me to initiate? I'm attracted to her, but I don't chase women (like I chased her back in '96) and my "meh, take it or leave it" attitude is pretty strong. Do I need to be the one putting in the effort, making the move? She's a beautiful woman. Smart, sophisticated. I'm nearly 40 - I feel dumb playing games - if that's what this is. But I am a much different, more guarded, aloof person now (in regards to relationships) than I was before my divorce.
> 
> Thoughts, ladies (and gents)?



Text her. I know I for one dont text/contact the man first especially when we are first dating. Men pursue when they are interested. Besides, it says alot about a man that will go after what he wants. Its nice and very attractive trait. 
TEXT HER if you are interested. Otherwise, someone else who sees her potential will do it and you could miss out.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> Text her. I know I for one dont text/contact the man first especially when we are first dating. Men pursue when they are interested. Besides, it says alot about a man that will go after what he wants. Its nice and very attractive trait.
> TEXT HER if you are interested. Otherwise, someone else who sees her potential will do it and you could miss out.


:iagree:
She's already texted you from the road right? She's opened the door. So now its your turn to ask her for another date and firm up the plans.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Text her. I know I for one dont text/contact the man first especially when we are first dating. Men pursue when they are interested. Besides, it says alot about a man that will go after what he wants. Its nice and very attractive trait.
> TEXT HER if you are interested. Otherwise, someone else who sees her potential will do it and you could miss out.


I agree. You have nothing to lose by texting her. If she doesn't respond, then she's not interested... and she might be under the impression that if you're not texting, YOU'RE not interested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

Thanks girls. Text sent. We'll see what happens.


----------



## Healer

I got an enthusiastic text starting with "Hi!" almost right away.


----------



## bravenewworld

moxy said:


> My father passed away. I think he had a stroke. I held his hand and said goodbye, but I am still in shock. For most of my life, he was my best friend. I talked to him every day. I don't know how I will get through this, or even if I can.


This floored me. So sorry for your loss Moxy - my thoughts are with you. Praying you can alternate your grieving with celebrating your father's life and the special bond you obviously shared.


----------



## RandomDude

Caught a cold it seems... *sigh* don't usually get one. Have to cancel everything... don't know what's going to happen with poker face, think she'll be gone by the time I recover, considering first impressions aren't as strong as I would have liked.

Think I've come to acknowledge the 'disconnect' in relation to my gut feeling about the date too (I didn't feel the chemistry was as strong), and yet her seemingly interested behavior. Sure, I could be thinking too much, but I trust my instincts, and it's saying something. Something is off. What is it trying to tell me? So far the most logical conclusion I've come up with adding two and two together is that she could be just rebounding hence the show of interest despite the rather mediocre first impressions.

Meh


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Caught a cold it seems... *sigh* don't usually get one. Have to cancel everything... don't know what's going to happen with poker face, think she'll be gone by the time I recover, considering first impressions aren't as strong as I would have liked.
> 
> Think I've come to acknowledge the 'disconnect' in relation to my gut feeling about the date too (I didn't feel the chemistry was as strong), and yet her seemingly interested behavior. Sure, I could be thinking too much, but I trust my instincts, and it's saying something. Something is off. What is it trying to tell me? So far the most logical conclusion I've come up with adding two and two together is that she could be just rebounding hence the show of interest despite the rather mediocre first impressions.
> 
> Meh


Too much thinking, too many words, too much logic. Two and two is not going to add up to 4 in the reality you want to experience. 

If you want to connect with someone, it's not going to be possible with all those words in the way.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Caught a cold it seems... *sigh* don't usually get one. Have to cancel everything... don't know what's going to happen with poker face, think she'll be gone by the time I recover, considering first impressions aren't as strong as I would have liked.
> 
> Think I've come to acknowledge the 'disconnect' in relation to my gut feeling about the date too (I didn't feel the chemistry was as strong), and yet her seemingly interested behavior. Sure, I could be thinking too much, but I trust my instincts, and it's saying something. Something is off. What is it trying to tell me? So far the most logical conclusion I've come up with adding two and two together is that she could be just rebounding hence the show of interest despite the rather mediocre first impressions.
> 
> Meh


You NEED to ask her out for a second date - when you're feeling better. You are way over thinking the first date. If there is any chemistry at all, give it a second chance in a different venue. She's showing interest, period. Why are you analyzing that in a negative way? Go for it! If, on the second one, you still feel meh, then move on. But at least give it a chance first.


----------



## RandomDude

Fine, I'll try to reserve my thoughts until after the second date.

Stupid fking cold! Won't be taking daughter out this weekend either, BAH! Well... this blows


----------



## Lone Shadow

You should text her. Set up a second date for next week. You'll be over your cold by then, and she won't think you've lost interest.


----------



## vi_bride04

SARAHMCD said:


> She's showing interest, period. Why are you analyzing that in a negative way?


Cuz he doesn't have self worth so just automatically jumps to the worst possible conclusion. He doubt's himself and that causes over thinking of the situation.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Looks like I'm interviewing a new possible FWB this weekend. As I've said, the current one just doesn't give me the time I need - or the attention for that matter. I'm tired of always being the initiator with him (hate having to do the chasing - or at least, be made to feel that way). 

So, I'm looking for meet up ideas. I'm not into coffee shops unless its somewhere with a cool vibe. Plus, he's 12 years younger than me -so preferably not in bright daylight  Although he has seen my photos taken outside and was interested so...

I'm thinking of just meeting for a drink (or two - that's my limit). But should I do it earlier on Sat or Sun- like 4 pm or later, like 8 pm? Is an 8 pm Sat night meetup too much like a date? And how do I keep it to just 1-2 hours?

For venues, I'm choosing between a bar on the harbor with a view and a band, or a quieter pub. Both are closer to me and I'm familiar with them (safety factor). 

Opinions?


----------



## FeministInPink

8 pm... because if you like him, it's late enough that you can take him for a test run. And quieter pub... easier to talk and get to know each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer

SARAHMCD said:


> Looks like I'm interviewing a new possible FWB this weekend. As I've said, the current one just doesn't give me the time I need - or the attention for that matter. I'm tired of always being the initiator with him (hate having to do the chasing - or at least, be made to feel that way).
> 
> So, I'm looking for meet up ideas. I'm not into coffee shops unless its somewhere with a cool vibe. Plus, he's 12 years younger than me -so preferably not in bright daylight  Although he has seen my photos taken outside and was interested so...
> 
> I'm thinking of just meeting for a drink (or two - that's my limit). But should I do it earlier on Sat or Sun- like 4 pm or later, like 8 pm? Is an 8 pm Sat night meetup too much like a date? And how do I keep it to just 1-2 hours?
> 
> For venues, I'm choosing between a bar on the harbor with a view and a band, or a quieter pub. Both are closer to me and I'm familiar with them (safety factor).
> 
> Opinions?


A band makes it very difficult to converse, which I'm assuming is an important factor in this endeavor.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> 8 pm... because if you like him, it's late enough that you can take him for a test run. And quieter pub... easier to talk and get to know each other.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree the pub might be a better idea - easier to talk, darker lighting, comfy seating. Although, that said, I need to check if they have a small band playing as well - might lead to a loud Irish crowd!

That's the thing, I don't do ONS so I don't want to set up the situation to be tempted to (or for him to expect it). We have only emailed back and forth a few times and I really don't know this guy that well yet. 
So if I pick 8 pm, how do I extract myself from what's supposed to be a quick meetup at say, 10 pm on a Saturday night? If its a weeknight - easy - you have to work early.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Yup, a band playing at the pub starting at 8:30 Sat night. Might have to go back to the other idea. I think that band actually ends at 8:30 (its a marina type place - so daytime hours is when its popular). 
It doesn't help that I'm in such a rural area so my choices are limited.


----------



## RandomDude

FKING COLD IS PISSING ME OFF *cough cough*

Took like 12 nurofen tablets, 16 painkillers, all dissolving in my mucus-filled mouth, 2 3-packs of soothers, 32 lozenges of strepsils, cold/flu relief powder with hot drinks, salt water gargle, and...

Eliminated ALL symptons except for the COUGH

Grrr... back to the Chemist... *sigh* I can't afford to be sick!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Hell I love my daughter, she just called me to see if daddy's ok... seriously, it just warms my heart. I'm picking her up from school this week since I'm fked this weekend.

Now to drink this cough medicine like water...


----------



## SARAHMCD

RD how are you feeling? 

I met my new FWB tonight. He's much more alpha than my last which is great in both the conversational aspect and sex. He is 14 years younger and I'd forgotten about men that can go 3 rounds in a night (within 3 hours). Feeling that tomorrow  and as good as he is in terms of aggression that I like, I'm going to have to teach him to slow down. Give a girl a chance to catch up! I'm pretty sure he'll take instruction well.

The issue may be that he's new to fwb. He dropped a few comments about time I spend with my ex (ex. Monday we may go for a motorcycle ride, we are still friends) and also said he wanted exclusive so no other fwbs. We'll need to have another discussion. Because at some point I may want to date for real. Of course at that time I may want to end things with him anyway. 

He also told me the problems he's had finding quality, intelligent, attractive women that can take care of themselves and support themselves. Referred to them as unicorns. Then later that night said I was that unicorn. Hmmmmm


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> FKING COLD IS PISSING ME OFF *cough cough*
> 
> Took like 12 nurofen tablets, 16 painkillers, all dissolving in my mucus-filled mouth, 2 3-packs of soothers, 32 lozenges of strepsils, cold/flu relief powder with hot drinks, salt water gargle, and...
> 
> Eliminated ALL symptons except for the COUGH
> 
> Grrr... back to the Chemist... *sigh* I can't afford to be sick!!!


Try some antihistamines. Your 'cold' may be an allergy. Allergies can lie dormant and be triggered by stress. i.e. stress from no sex. Which can lead to no sex. It's a vicious cycle. Besides, you're taking so much already, might as well try something else if all that's not working. 

Funny, I 'ditched' one of my clients (nicely) and my allergies resolved spontaneously. Am med free and can even go to sleep like a 'normal' person at night without chemical assistance. Who would have thought? The mind-body connection is very strong.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm better now thanks guys, starving now though, didn't eat much except for pills and cough medicine. Still drinking cough medicine though, finished 2 100ml bottles. At least I can function for the rest of the week.

Wasn't a very nice weekend alone and coughing my lungs out. Makes me miss my little girl, even if it's just one week... anyway heading out now for a maccas run... *sigh* I hate maccas, but it's the only food that's available at this time. Stupid cold messed up my sleeping cycle.


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> RD how are you feeling?
> 
> I met my new FWB tonight. He's much more alpha than my last which is great in both the conversational aspect and sex. He is 14 years younger and I'd forgotten about men that can go 3 rounds in a night (within 3 hours). Feeling that tomorrow  and as good as he is in terms of aggression that I like, I'm going to have to teach him to slow down. Give a girl a chance to catch up! I'm pretty sure he'll take instruction well.
> 
> The issue may be that he's new to fwb. He dropped a few comments about time I spend with my ex (ex. Monday we may go for a motorcycle ride, we are still friends) and also said he wanted exclusive so no other fwbs. We'll need to have another discussion. Because at some point I may want to date for real. Of course at that time I may want to end things with him anyway.
> 
> He also told me the problems he's had finding quality, intelligent, attractive women that can take care of themselves and support themselves. Referred to them as unicorns. Then later that night said I was that unicorn. Hmmmmm


So you found a toyboy hehe

Erm... toyboy sounds like the type to get attached =/


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> So you found a toyboy hehe
> 
> Erm... toyboy sounds like the type to get attached =/


Yup. Sounds like you might have a clinger on your hands.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> RD how are you feeling?
> 
> I met my new FWB tonight. He's much more alpha than my last which is great in both the conversational aspect and sex. He is 14 years younger and I'd forgotten about men that can go 3 rounds in a night (within 3 hours). Feeling that tomorrow  and as good as he is in terms of aggression that I like, I'm going to have to teach him to slow down. Give a girl a chance to catch up! I'm pretty sure he'll take instruction well.
> 
> The issue may be that he's new to fwb. He dropped a few comments about time I spend with my ex (ex. Monday we may go for a motorcycle ride, we are still friends) and also said he wanted exclusive so no other fwbs. We'll need to have another discussion. Because at some point I may want to date for real. Of course at that time I may want to end things with him anyway.
> 
> He also told me the problems he's had finding quality, intelligent, attractive women that can take care of themselves and support themselves. Referred to them as unicorns. Then later that night said I was that unicorn. Hmmmmm


So, a lot of pluses, with a few drawbacks, which could perhaps be managed by some strong boundaries. He could be testing you with these drawbacks, to see if you push back.

Discuss these with him and see what happens.


----------



## RandomDude

Poker face hasn't forgotten me, yay! Damn her sexy voice... it's confident and strong. Along with her big pretty eyes that just grip you and intellectual chemistry that just makes time fly as you spend time together. Come to think of it, she's probably the most promising potential I've met since seperation.

Seriously if we hit off on the second date, I'll be a very happy man. If I can't find an angle however, will have to let her go. Will be a serious pain though, and maybe wait another 5-10 years for the next golden opportunity if I screw this up.

*makes note to self* Don't screw this one up, not even for fun!


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm, had a dream during my nap, that my daughter was all grown up and with guys hitting on her. As I was there, I broke one guy's arm and smashed another guy's head into the wall.

So... got a feeling she's going to hate me when she reaches puberty. "Daddy! Stop beating up my boyfriends!"

Still it felt so real... like, is it normal to be so protective? When she was younger she was kissing boys in school and the boys were lucky they were undersized for breakage. Sure, she's more aware now, but if she enters teens...

=/


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Fathers, be good to your daughters, for daughters will love like you do...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoJ5Ey_sHXQ


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of daughters... there was a MASSIVE huntsman in my house just a few minutes ago. Where's my little girl when I needed her? (she handles them better), felt my skin twitch every time it moved. Hell I hope it doesn't come back and give me another fright. She picks them up and plays with them - the damn thing probably came into my house wondering "hey where's my friend? she didn't come last weekend!"

Bah! It was the size of my hand!!! I had to use a BOWL to capture it *closes windows*


----------



## Healer

Dilemma for me. So reporter girl (from 20 years ago) and I have gone on one date so far only, and it was good. Texting a few times since back and forth. She went to Vancouver the weekend after, so no date then. I told you about her texting me from the road. Then we both waited and I texted her last week and she enthusiastically got back to me right away. Said she was going to Van this past weekend to pick up her car - I said she should come see my new place and that I was going to be playing Sunday. She said "Sunday might work, I'll probably go next weekend to get my car. I'll keep in touch" or words to that effect. So I text her Saturday and we chat - she's painting her friend's condo - and I ask "so do you want to get together tomorrow?" She responds "I would like to but depends how much I get done tonight. But if nothing else maybe I can grab a coffee with u before you play?".

I said "Ok, sounds good".

Sunday rolls around, and I start thinking hmm...not sure if I can be arsed to drive all the way downtown just for a quick coffee (I didn't feel like going to play by myself - the point was to go with her). So, I just did nothing and didn't text her at all. Stayed home Sunday.

I decided to leave it...then Monday she texts me talking about how sore she is from painting and a story about how it went etc. and asked how my show was. I told her I didn't go, was too tired from working late Saturday (which I did - I was on call as there is a forest fire that shut down one of our facilities). I replied once, she replied back and I didn't respond (I wasn't ignoring a question or anything - I just had nothing more to say). Nothing discussed about a future date. I can't do anything this weekend as I have my kids and she's going to Van, anyway.

So, I can't really read her. I know her nature is cool and NOT needy - and I'm the same. I feel like I asked her out and she seemed kinda "meh" about it - thinking if she was really interested she would've made it work this past Sunday. Although I bailed on coffee - but that seemed like too half assed for me to bother. But then she initiated contact yesterday after I was prepared to let it all fizzle.

Then to top it off, lovergirl texts me last night "by the way, I'm generally available Monday and Tuesday, Friday and Saturday". 

So, I'm very horny and have been thinking about sleeping with LG - which she assured me is a nsa deal. Otoh, I am interested in reporter girl, but I can't gauge how interested she is. 

I'm not actively dating RG, we had one date. Do I sleep with LG and just see if anything progresses with RG? Is she even worth pursuing? Like I said before, I don't chase. I will go after what I want, but if someone's not into it, I won't be all "please, pleeeease love me!!". But I also realize I'm _too_ "whatever" about it - I'll need to put some effort in, put myself out there for this woman - but is it worth it?

What do you all think? Should I straight up ask RG "are you interested?" in some gentle way? Is it too early for that? I don't want to waste my time and emotional energy. I'm cool with taking it slow, but not if there's no endgame here.

Unsure what to do.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer: She's a busy, independent woman. If you want her, you are going to have to pursue her. Period. You're getting a lukewarm response from her... because she senses your lukewarm efforts towards her. And she's not going to invest anything into someone who could leave or take her. She doesn't have time for that.

Forget about trying to gauge her level of interest. She is making herself available to you, the best she can. She is communicating with you. That means she's interested. But you're going to have to be the one to get this ball rolling. If you want to take her out, MAKE IT HAPPEN. The less engaged you are, the less interested she will be.

YOUR interest, YOUR engagement ups a woman's interest in you. Take charge of the situation! Women like a man with a plan.

Also... what were the circumstances when you and RG broke up back in the day? That might be coming into play this time around.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Healer: She's a busy, independent woman. If you want her, you are going to have to pursue her. Period. You're getting a lukewarm response from her... because she senses your lukewarm efforts towards her. And she's not going to invest anything into someone who could leave or take her. She doesn't have time for that.
> 
> Forget about trying to gauge her level of interest. She is making herself available to you, the best she can. She is communicating with you. That means she's interested. But you're going to have to be the one to get this ball rolling. If you want to take her out, MAKE IT HAPPEN. The less engaged you are, the less interested she will be.
> 
> YOUR interest, YOUR engagement ups a woman's interest in you. Take charge of the situation! Women like a man with a plan.
> 
> Also... what were the circumstances when you and RG broke up back in the day? That might be coming into play this time around.


Whoa, new look!

That's good advice, thanks FIP. 

Back in the day? I was 20, a musician on the road, and I turned her down for sex when she offered it. I was super intimidated and didn't have a condom...so I said that I was just out of a relationship and wanted to take it slow. Lol. She lost interest after that (yes, I blew it big time). But it wouldn't have worked anyway - I was on the road and she was moving to a different city. We only went out a handful of times - we weren't like boyfriend/girlfriend or anything.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Whoa, new look!
> 
> That's good advice, thanks FIP.
> 
> Back in the day? I was 20, a musician on the road, and I turned her down for sex when she offered it. I was super intimidated and didn't have a condom...so I said that I was just out of a relationship and wanted to take it slow. Lol. She lost interest after that (yes, I blew it big time). But it wouldn't have worked anyway - I was on the road and she was moving to a different city. We only went out a handful of times - we weren't like boyfriend/girlfriend or anything.


(Yeah, the new look freaked me out for a hot minute, before I realized what was going on.)

Ah... an added layer of complexity. She's being cautious because she thinks you'll probably bail on her again. 

She's going to make you work for it this time, bro. Since you passed it up the last time.

ETA: And she probably thought you weren't really all that into her back in the day, since you turned down sex and gave the dreaded "I just got out of a relationship" line... that's why she lost interest. To a woman, "I just got out of a relationship and want to take it slow" means _I'm not really into you, but I miss female companionship, so you'll do until something better comes along_. Any smart woman would lose interest/run when she hears that line.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> (Yeah, the new look freaked me out for a hot minute, before I realized what was going on.)
> 
> Ah... an added layer of complexity. She's being cautious because she thinks you'll probably bail on her again.
> 
> She's going to make you work for it this time, bro. Since you passed it up the last time.


Haha! Well, I just texted her. Chatted a bit - then she said "so, although this weekend is out, perhaps we could get together the following weekend?". Yes! She initiated that, not me. That makes me happy.

Thanks FIP - you rock.


----------



## Healer

I said I'd like to take her out and play for her. She said yes. So I have to wait a week and a half...but no rush, right? I can take my time here. But I will continue to engage her.

I think I better bail on LG. Thoughts on that?


----------



## FeministInPink

I think everyone here has agreed that LG is probably a bad idea, and since it looks like you have the potential of something good with RG on the horizon, I would say bail on LG.

If you had nothing in the hopper, I would say go for LG as a stop-gap, but ONLY IF.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Haha! Well, I just texted her. Chatted a bit - then she said "so, although this weekend is out, perhaps we could get together the following weekend?". Yes! She initiated that, not me. That makes me happy.
> 
> *Thanks FIP - you rock*.


Eh... I do what I can.

(Thanks  )


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I have a date with a French flight crew member (which I'm pretty sure means flight attendant) tonight. He flies into DC pretty regularly, but he's only in town for tonight. Should be interesting.


----------



## RandomDude

New forum layout is a tad confusing, colors a little too bright/sharp... still, at least there's less pink now... yay


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> New forum layout is a tad confusing, colors a little too bright/sharp... still, at least there's less pink now... yay


I do like having less pink, and I think the navigation is a little better with the drop-down menus.

I'm hoping the new mobile version will be better.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> New forum layout is a tad confusing, colors a little too bright/sharp... still, at least there's less pink now... yay


 @RandomDude, useful info/leave feedback here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/techni...17-new-site-upgrade-look-feedback-thread.html


----------



## RandomDude

Less pink? For a feminist IN PINK? :scratchhead:

Page select was a real b-tch on the mobile...

Anyway what's with the cartoons at the top? The family/couple is fine (sorta, lady should have her arm around her man's waist though), but then there's the dude on his knees, and the dude chasing after the lady. 
Where's the dude with the ladies chasing after him? Where's the equality? Bah!


----------



## RandomDude

Oh hey it changes colors now! Anyway FIP I'm just venting for the sake of venting (like I usually do on this thread) 

Tis good! Whao, you can change back to classic style too!
Right now got it on "Alternate", blue and orange, colors not so bright, tis good!


----------



## vi_bride04

Do you guys not use the Taptalk app? The forum is a breeze to access through that


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Do you guys not use the Taptalk app? The forum is a breeze to access through that


Vi, if I access Tapatalk using my FB or Google account, will it let me enter different credentials for TAM?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Less pink? For a feminist IN PINK? :scratchhead:
> 
> Page select was a real b-tch on the mobile...
> 
> Anyway what's with the cartoons at the top? The family/couple is fine (sorta, lady should have her arm around her man's waist though), but then there's the dude on his knees, and the dude chasing after the lady.
> Where's the dude with the ladies chasing after him? Where's the equality? Bah!


Ha ha ha!!! I like pink, but I never said I loved drowning in it


----------



## krismimo

This is gonna take some getting use to, lol I thought I pressed the wrong button, how is everyone?


----------



## RandomDude

Date tonight with poker face, going to have my daughter over for tomorrow onwards till next week. Business is good, life is good. Going out for an eggs benedict breakfast with salmon, going to try to put myself in the best mood as possible. Also starting to get horny and need to RAM something, so might up the flirts and test some sexual boundaries with poker face and see the response.

But either than that... meh


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm... any ideas for a quiet date? I wonder if she would trust me enough to get on my boat!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah. New forum scheme is a bit of a nightmare. It's so... bright.


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys... date was... fun I guess. Turns out I have very, very heavy competition with her, her ex boyfriend and a few other dates. She is also outright comparing me to them. Flattering so far, but she's also potentially badmouthing me too. Normally I enjoy the challenge, but this time... I may be biting off more than I can chew - in other words I'm at a serious disadvantage. I'm used to having my advantage for last few years. I think I've been having it easy with the ladies for some time.

Not now... as these guys I'm competing with are very successful men; successful professionals and young entrepreneurs but even younger than me + never married and no kids... and also from sounds of things, they are also quite confident and attractive. I'm also the first interracial date she's been with, which doesn't make things easier. In fact, she made several rather ignorant/racist but flattering comments. Not so sure if I can forgive that... I admit I'm abit disappointed as honestly didn't expect it from her due to her supposed intelligence on previous occasions. Other women who make such comments I leave as friends or FBs/FWBs as I found their lack of common sense/level of intelligence incompatible.

As for the sexual advances, she knew I was trying to do with the flirting/touches and she played along at least, but stopped my hands going too high and didn't give me any greenlights. She didn't outright reject however, if she did I would have withdrawn completely. Either she's playing hard to get or she's not interested physically or my style doesn't turn her on. Can't figure her out... poker face.

I admit my confidence was wavering towards the later night, even though we seemed to have got more cozy. Still, hate to admit it but for the first time in a long time I may have to withdraw as she could be out of my league. It's been two dates, no sex, no kiss, either she's trying to show that she's not cheap or that she's just not interested and possibly leading me on. The competition is very serious, I appreciate her intelligence, poise, style, and confidence, but a woman like her knows her options and I'm put off at the same time combined with her racist comments even if they were expressed as compliments.

Right now even if I am to take her word for it, as I have been doing (at least in front of her - don't worry I play poker too!) I have her attention, but one slip and boom, FZed, and I'll be her next story for the next date to talk about (and I feel like I will at this rate). Divorced with a child and a different race competing with men younger and possibly just as successful if not more. Not to mention the more she'll stick by me the more crap she'll learn about me and not to mention I'm also mentally insane + with criminal record. I've never seen this much competition for some time, like several hotshots in town spotted the opportunity and decided to gang up on her, with her ex realising what he lost.

I may tick several boxes of the kind of guys she seems to go for, but I've crossed quite a few. Nah, I think I may have to let this one go, there's only also so many aces I have up my sleeve. Challenge is one thing, but some odds are just not worth putting your money on. Damn sure know how to pick 'em, last lay was so fking easy she wanted to ride me badly and this one is like trying to line up a shot on a moving target with heavy wind and fog. BAH!

I don't know


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hit her up for another date. Forget about everything else, and just have a good time.


----------



## RandomDude

I dunno, may move on and hit someone else up, go collecting new numbers next week or something.

*sigh* A real shame, I had my hopes up...


----------



## Lone Shadow

Collect your numbers, sure. But go on another date with this girl. I'm intrigued. I want to know how it plays out.


----------



## RandomDude

Not going to go on a date potentially epic failing for someone else's amusement!


----------



## FeministInPink

@RandomDude, you have been complaining for MONTHS (years?) that there are no decent women in your city that live up to your standards, and now you meet someone who actually does, or even exceeds them (racist comments aside), and you're thinking of passing her up because there's a little bit of competition? Because you think she might be out of your league?

WTF, RD?

There is always going to be competition to get something worth having. And the fact of the matter is that you don't know WHAT she goes for. You've only had 2 dates so far. So yeah, maybe there are other guys who are also competing for her attention. But you don't know what she's looking for specifically. 

If you throw in the towel, you're guaranteed NOT to get her. But if you give it the effort, you might discover that you're exactly what she's looking for. And stop poo-pooing about your age. 30 is NOT old, get over it; those guys have nothing over you just because they are a few years younger. And all these things in your past that you think she will judge you for? These things make you WHO YOU ARE TODAY. No one is perfect, everyone has made mistakes, and everyone has skeletons in their closets, but you're not that person anymore. And you should never let that hold you back. And if she DOES judge you for things that are in your past? Well then, that means that she isn't as great as she seems, and probably isn't worth your time. 

And she didn't fall for your sexual advances? Of course she didn't! She knows she's worth more than a quick roll in the hay (and let's be honest, all your game is about getting a woman into bed as soon as possible, and you know she sees right through that bullsh!t), and *she's going to make you work for it*. But if she wasn't into you, you wouldn't have even gotten as far as you did last night. She would have shut you down right away.

So you have two options: 
1) You can make an actual effort with this woman, and put yourself in it to win it, and give those other guys a run for their money. Be a power player, man. Make THEM compete with YOU.
or
2) You can bail, and go back to your unsatisfying, low-hanging fruit.

Your life is what you make it, RD. You are what you make of yourself. You know that. What kind of man do you want to be, and what do you want out of your life?


----------



## vi_bride04

Wow RD, you really need to learn how to live in the moment. I had an anxiety attack just reading the summary of your date... How can you live like that with all the second guessing and self doubt? 

So do you not think you are worthy of a quality woman like her or are you just looking for easier prey?


----------



## Lone Shadow

FiP is 100% correct. I don't think I can add anything else worth saying. She covered everything necessary.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> @RandomDude, you have been complaining for MONTHS (years?) that there are no decent women in your city that live up to your standards, and now you meet someone who actually does, or even exceeds them (racist comments aside), and you're thinking of passing her up because there's a little bit of competition? Because you think she might be out of your league?
> 
> WTF, RD?
> 
> There is always going to be competition to get something worth having. And the fact of the matter is that you don't know WHAT she goes for. You've only had 2 dates so far. So yeah, maybe there are other guys who are also competing for her attention. But you don't know what she's looking for specifically.
> 
> If you throw in the towel, you're guaranteed NOT to get her. But if you give it the effort, you might discover that you're exactly what she's looking for. And stop poo-pooing about your age. 30 is NOT old, get over it; those guys have nothing over you just because they are a few years younger. And all these things in your past that you think she will judge you for? These things make you WHO YOU ARE TODAY. No one is perfect, everyone has made mistakes, and everyone has skeletons in their closets, but you're not that person anymore. And you should never let that hold you back. And if she DOES judge you for things that are in your past? Well then, that means that she isn't as great as she seems, and probably isn't worth your time.
> 
> And she didn't fall for your sexual advances? Of course she didn't! She knows she's worth more than a quick roll in the hay (and let's be honest, all your game is about getting a woman into bed as soon as possible, and you know she sees right through that bullsh!t), and *she's going to make you work for it*. But if she wasn't into you, you wouldn't have even gotten as far as you did last night. She would have shut you down right away.
> 
> So you have two options:
> 1) You can make an actual effort with this woman, and put yourself in it to win it, and give those other guys a run for their money. Be a power player, man. Make THEM compete with YOU.
> or
> 2) You can bail, and go back to your unsatisfying, low-hanging fruit.
> 
> Your life is what you make it, RD. You are what you make of yourself. You know that. What kind of man do you want to be, and what do you want out of your life?


*sigh*

Fine... I'll hold off from cancelling at least, for now, and give this some more thought

I think I may have been spoiled by easy sex for years, even during marriage, not used to working for it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

No RD. That's the worst thing you could do. Don't give it any more thought. Just go with it. Enjoy it for what it is. You're going to analyze this thing to death, and scare off what interest she does have in you. You won't have anyone to blame but yourself if you continue "giving it thought."


----------



## RandomDude

I'm not ramming!!! How can I enjoy? The romance and chemistry? She's not as smart as I thought she was, she holds very typical ignorant views. She lost some major points there...

On a plus side I guess I may stand out somewhat as I'm her first interracial date, but hell what's next? She couldn't find any stereotype to pin on me so she complimented instead but soon she'll probably read up on my people and go "WTF? You're all barbarians!"
Meh, I'm not in the mood to educate.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Maybe the "typical ignorant views" that you're ascribing to her are nothing more than a simple naivety. That doesn't detract from her intelligence, it just means that she still has more to learn. Or maybe she thought that she understood your humor, and misjudged. 


...Maybe you are a barbarian...?


----------



## RandomDude

Well yeah I AM a barbarian, but it's like a white person calling a black person a... you know, while a black person can call themselves and each other one with impunity.

As for her naivety, nah it does detract from her intelligence as common sense would dismiss several of the views she expressed.


----------



## Healer

Lol. RD, you're a bit of a spaz.


----------



## vi_bride04

Looks like RD is self sabotaging again


----------



## RandomDude

No sh-t, I made it no secret I am insane... and a barbarian.



vi_bride04 said:


> Looks like RD is self sabotaging again


All is fair in love and war...

In the offence, strike hard, strike fast, show no hesitation. In the defence, be firm, be unmovable. In the retreat, scorch the earth!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Does anyone else think watching RD play chess would be absolutely excruciating?

Or golf! RD, sometimes you just have to stop worrying about the wind and the course and your club and the score and your opponents and just enjoy the fresh air and swing away. And most of all, stop thinking about the hole!


----------



## vi_bride04

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Does anyone else think watching RD play chess would be absolutely excruciating?


Meh


----------



## RandomDude

I stop thinking about the hole when I have a hole to put it in! I don't have one atm 

Unless you count the fleshlight that I have yet to use...


----------



## RandomDude

-.-

So she texts me, looks like she's reading up on my people. *sigh* What am I? A fking encyclopedia?
"You don't look like them" THE FK? Are we all to look like we got churned out of a fking factory with specifications to match?

Maybe I should get on my horse and swing by her law firm with a bow and say "hey now, happy?"

Nah fk it, I'm going to cancel. I prefer it when women treat me as an individual as I do the same for them. Ex-GF / Ex-wife simply didn't give a sh-t and poker face falls short of this.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I prefer it when women treat me as an individual * as I do the same for them.*


I literally had to read that a couple times....

You DO NOT treat them as individuals, you treat them as ramming objects.


----------



## RandomDude

Having FWBs + FBs = not treating women as individuals but as ramming objects... right...

I don't class all women into the same boat, some women I have on as FWBs and FBs sure, that doesn't mean I don't treat them as individuals or judge them accordingly on an individual basis. Even last FB If I considered her as nothing more than a ramming object I would have led her on and USED her! Pffft!

I'm also sick and tired of your ignorance vi_bride


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> I'm also sick and tired of your ignorance vi_bride


Lol!!!!

Meh


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> -.-
> 
> So she texts me, looks like she's reading up on my people. *sigh* What am I? A fking encyclopedia?
> "You don't look like them" THE FK? Are we all to look like we got churned out of a fking factory with specifications to match?
> 
> Maybe I should get on my horse and swing by her law firm with a bow and say "hey now, happy?"
> 
> Nah fk it, I'm going to cancel. I prefer it when women treat me as an individual as I do the same for them. Ex-GF / Ex-wife simply didn't give a sh-t and poker face falls short of this.


RD, she's trying to educate herself about your people, rather than relying on common, stereotypical "knowledge." That isn't someone who wants to stay ignorant--or racist. She's curious, and she's trying to learn. She's going to make mistakes; we all do when we're learning. She may not understand why something she says is offensive.

You may think, "It's not my job to teach her." And you would be right, it's not your job to teach her. But you may be the only person she knows personally, who CAN. People who are privileged in a society are often blind to their own privilege, and for them to be aware of it, they sometimes need someone else (on the other side) to show them. White people in the US who say "Racism is dead! We live in a post-racist society!" often say so because they're not exposed to the racism that black people experience every day, and they don't realize the type of privilege they get in our society based on their skin color... because they only ever interact with people who are exactly the same.

You've inferred that there are a lot of negative racial stereotypes about your people in Australia. Has she been applying these to you? I don't think so... if she was, she probably wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place, am I right? So I think she is treating you as an individual, but likely recognizes that your identity as a member of your racial group also heavily influences who you are. 

Just a guess


----------



## RandomDude

You just don't insult a race and think you can get away with by complimenting the individual. Sure, she meant well, but I can't endorse such stupidity.

As for being heavily influenced? Lol! She would be wrong, for my race doesn't heavily influence me nor can they. My people were scattered everywhere after the first genocide in the 17th century, the second attempt by Stalin. The remnants in the Caucasus hold onto a religion that was ironically adopted by our ancestors simply to buy legitimacy to rule that we could not by blood, even though its this same religion that others used to pacify the rest of our race. I was born here, raised here, and my family although proud of where we came from, we are modern, globalised, culturally independent people. She will learn nothing of me or my culture or my faith or anything by reading about my ancestors or those in the fatherland/motherland, and everything about my ancestors were written by our enemies, including all the way from Roman times.

As for her racist compliments, maybe I should do the same back to her, "hey, you're good looking for a ***** lady", "wait? how come you're not hairy, you don't fit the stereotype, yay!", "your women are all loose and sleep around, you don't so you're cool", "hey I was about to put a white cone head on your head but decided against it because you're alright"... bah! I'm more disappointed then offended actually, angry because I was a fool to think she's intelligent, just because she give me a good debate. No, I told myself she's smart in hopes that she was, only to hear such stupidity out of her mouth. True, she probably doesn't think it's offensive as we've gotten cozy, so she's letting her guard down more. Unfortunately I would have prefered it if she kept up her previously intelligent and educated poise.

So now I'm back to square one, so many women in my city still SUCK! (and badly!)
I swear kicking ex-wife's fingers off the marriage years ago is probably the single greatest mistake of my life.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

She had one problem, ONE... a problem that would have been managed if I knew how to put up some stupid boundaries. Instead of reconciliation I let my pride take over and pushed forward the divorce. Now she's out of reach, all I have left is our daughter. I see how well she's being raised and I can't help but realise that even if we put aside the fact that ex-wife was a good wife, no one can replace her as the mother of my child. I give up, either I stick to FWBs/FBs or get back with ex, only woman I seem capable of loving and even then I did a sh-t job of it when I was younger.


----------



## RandomDude

Nevermind... I'm just frustrated

I'll feel better by next week probably once I find a new FWB... *sigh* And ex-GF... Why the fk did I have to be so stupid as to take her on holiday and embraced her as lover when she was best as nothing more then a FWB?! This year SUCKS and not mention I'm turning 30 BAH! Only reason I'll be celebrating is because my little girl wants to... meh

*sigh* I'm done

/end vent


----------



## Healer

Wow, dude.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> You just don't insult a race and think you can get away with by complimenting the individual. Sure, she meant well, but I can't endorse such stupidity.
> 
> As for being heavily influenced? Lol! She would be wrong, for my race doesn't heavily influence me nor can they. My people were scattered everywhere after the first genocide in the 17th century, the second attempt by Stalin. The remnants in the Caucasus hold onto a religion that was ironically adopted by our ancestors simply to buy legitimacy to rule that we could not by blood, even though its this same religion that others used to pacify the rest of our race. I was born here, raised here, and my family although proud of where we came from, we are modern, globalised, culturally independent people. She will learn nothing of me or my culture or my faith or anything by reading about my ancestors or those in the fatherland/motherland, and everything about my ancestors were written by our enemies, including all the way from Roman times.


^^^ This isn't what I meant, RD. I'm not talking about you being influenced by a collective cultural history or a strong connection to the history of your people.

What I meant was your day-to-day experience and identity as a member of a minority race in Australian society.

Our experiences greatly influence who we are, whether we want to admit it or not. And your experiences in life have probably been very different than yours, and it's likely that race was a contributing factor in both.

Maybe she won't learn anything by reading/light research, but it is something you can talk about, and you can tell her what the history books have wrong.



RandomDude said:


> *sigh*
> 
> She had one problem, ONE... a problem that would have been managed if I knew how to put up some stupid boundaries. Instead of reconciliation I let my pride take over and pushed forward the divorce. Now she's out of reach, all I have left is our daughter. I see how well she's being raised and I can't help but realise that even if we put aside the fact that ex-wife was a good wife, no one can replace her as the mother of my child. I give up, either I stick to FWBs/FBs or get back with ex, only woman I seem capable of loving and even then I did a sh-t job of it when I was younger.


Slap yourself for me, will you? I've read your threads. Your XW was a crazy b!tch, so stop telling yourself that you missed the boat with her. If she had her way, she would be shoving gerbils into your ass by now. Stop it!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> Slap yourself for me, will you? I've read your threads. Your XW was a crazy b!tch, so stop telling yourself that you missed the boat with her. If she had her way, she would be shoving gerbils into your ass by now. Stop it!


Lol. We'll have to start calling him ****y Gere.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Lol. We'll have to start calling him ****y Gere.


:rofl:

Yup!!!


----------



## RandomDude

She was crazy but she has qualities that seem to be absent in most women I've met. She was a good wife as long as she got her fix whenever she wanted it. As a mother she's excellent and we're co-parents for a reason.

As for educating poker face, why? I take my pride as an individual, my accomplishments are my own, ancestors, theirs. History is history.
Still, day to day as a minority race is tradition amongst my people, having more power over the majority as well 

In the end, I live and let live, and surround myself with people who don't give sh-t about where I'm from or what I am but who I am and what I've done. Poker face can't even fit into this part of my life.
Meh, I still could rock up at her law firm with a horse and bow, will have to drive down to my mate's and borrow his horse for a day though. "Hello! I'm here to pillage your law firm and hear the lamentations of your bosses"


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway, as for identity I don't even call myself "Aussie", I'm just me. I don't even wish to be a representative of my ancestral people, let alone an educator or ambassador or whatever. Being her first interracial date is a put off as chances are I'll be one, if we break up she's just going to go badmouthing about my people and we're too few to defend the fact that we're individuals. I'd rather deal with people with common sense, even if my standards of common sense excludes alot of people. Interracial is 100% of all my relationships, I can't even find a woman of my own ethnic to ram in my country. I should be used to such ignorance and I am, I just don't accept it when I consider someone as a partner. That's it.

But hey, as always I'm comparing poker face to ex-wife but how can I not? The reality is, ex-wife set a standard.

Come to think of it I think I'm spoiled


----------



## 06Daddio08

Damn. You either need some serious help or people here have to stop enabling the 20 year old behavior you spew. There's no way in hell you're anywhere close to being a 30 year old man.

Don't get me wrong, I know you're a good guy but you seriously have to work on yourself.


----------



## RandomDude

So I am accused of being a 20 year old because? Or did you just fling that because you're out of sh-t to say?

Come on, I'm itching for your bullsh-t Daddio, throw it at me, or did you just come to hurl a personal insult to make you feel better about your pathetic little life?


----------



## vi_bride04

Defensiveness is that of an insecure person. 

Work on yourself RD. Or things will never get better in your life and you will always be an anxious, nervous, self doubting mess.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes, so whenever someone stands up for themselves, they are insecure. No wonder so many people are pussies these days, in need of help with all these "man up" books. If you throw sh-t expect sh-t thrown back, that's life.

I am working on myself, I lay down my issues and see what I can fix, what I can change, what I don't want to change and as a result, can't fix. My standards for example, don't seem to be able to be fixed.


----------



## ne9907

New forum sucks....

RD, I actually think you should NOT ask out this woman again. She sounds manipulative, racist, and all those backhanded (is it backhanded) comments about your race are totally out of line. 
If a man I went on a date with spent the entire evening telling me how other women want to date him, I would not enjoy it one bit. I would not even let him finish telling me how I don't measure up!

I feel some of you are ganging up on RD about the date he had with this woman. This woman is awful!! A confident, strong, successful, loving woman does not need to flaunt her desirability to potential dates! 

RD is RD, we all make mistakes. Except for me, I am stardust!! JK!!!

Btw I have another story about Navy guy but he can go fvck himself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Bottom left corner you can change it to an alternate theme or back to classic 

Agreed on poker face, *sigh* oh well, I'll cancel our plans soon, wonder if I should let her know I'm not impressed with her comments or just let her continue to fumble in ignorance. Meh, think a simple cancellation will do - "not compatible" "not my type" always works, no need to explain yes? I doubt she'll even understand even if I spell it out for her anyway

Anyway I'm done with venting about ignoramus, what's happening with Navy guy?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yes yes. Tell us about Navy guy! Was he piloting the USNS Comfort last weekend?


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Yes yes. Tell us about Navy guy! Was he piloting the USNS Comfort last weekend?


hahaha
Super funny!
Navy guy is just navy guy, happened about a month ago. We began talking again on the phone, we were joking and just having fun talking about superheroes and their secret personalities. He suddently says to me "I told like your fvcking tone" so I hung up and never heard from him until yesterday.

He sents me a text reading "I dont like passive agressive BS or drama"
Did not respond and will not. His energy does not match mine, nobody will curse at me. Except for the voices in my head that is!


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> His energy does not match mine, nobody will curse at me. Except for the voices in my head that is!


Whoa... not cool. Sounds like that ship has sailed for good!

(Sorry... that was low-hanging fruit!)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> hahaha
> Super funny!
> Navy guy is just navy guy, happened about a month ago. We began talking again on the phone, we were joking and just having fun talking about superheroes and their secret personalities. He suddently says to me "I told like your fvcking tone" so I hung up and never heard from him until yesterday.
> 
> He sents me a text reading "I dont like passive agressive BS or drama"
> Did not respond and will not. His energy does not match mine, nobody will curse at me. Except for the voices in my head that is!


So are you no longer in a relationship, is that why you were talking to him in the first place? 

Yeah, not cool...you are better off without any contact.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> So are you no longer in a relationship, is that why you were talking to him in the first place?
> 
> Yeah, not cool...you are better off without any contact.


i havent been in a relationship since like January. I met and fell in love with my poet (haha, backpacking kinda love so strong but short lived) we still chat on facebook. Navy and I would just ocasionally talk, as friends.


----------



## RandomDude

/end random thought


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Nice question to hear on a rainy Monday evening: What are we doing this weekend?
;-)

In other news, I've discovered the benefits of watching a 'show'.
Have reached Season 4 of Fringe.

Am back to working out - can barely run, but whatever. 

Where is everyone? Sleeping off all the wild s*x? :-|


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude finally succeeded in killing the thread, ha ha! 

OK, I'll go... the date with the French flight attendant (Tuesday) was fun. He's an interesting guy, and a brilliant photographer. But language was definitely a barrier... his English is good, but somewhat limited. I talk a little fast, and apparently I use more slang than I thought, but it was fun trying to explain some of the slang to him. We're planning on getting together the next time he comes to town. We'll see if that actually happens.

Two days later (Thursday)... went out with a development economist. Decent guy, not sure the chemistry was there though. He asked me a lot of questions, listened intently, but didn't share too much about himself. I did get a few good questions in. But he's... kind of dull. I get the impression that he doesn't do much besides work and hang out with his (extended) family. He's from Bengali originally, so it may be a cultural difference thing. He seems interested in going out again, but hasn't actually _asked_; I'd go out with him again, just to see what happens. We'll see, I guess. 

And then I spent the weekend holed up in my apartment with a killer sinus headache. Woot!


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah I know WTF... everything IS awesome lol

Anyway great movie if you guys haven't seen it, funny and unexpectedly heartwarming too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ_JOBCLF-I


----------



## FeministInPink

Ha ha, I haven't seen that! It looks like fun.


----------



## FeministInPink

I especially like the Wonder Woman Lego figurine.


----------



## RandomDude

Haha oh you will love it 

It also won a ton of awards for good reason!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> RandomDude finally succeeded in killing the thread, ha ha!
> 
> OK, I'll go... the date with the French flight attendant (Tuesday) was fun. He's an interesting guy, and a brilliant photographer. But language was definitely a barrier... his English is good, but somewhat limited. I talk a little fast, and apparently I use more slang than I thought, but it was fun trying to explain some of the slang to him. We're planning on getting together the next time he comes to town. We'll see if that actually happens.
> 
> Two days later (Thursday)... went out with a development economist. Decent guy, not sure the chemistry was there though. He asked me a lot of questions, listened intently, but didn't share too much about himself. I did get a few good questions in. But he's... kind of dull. I get the impression that he doesn't do much besides work and hang out with his (extended) family. He's from Bengali originally, so it may be a cultural difference thing. He seems interested in going out again, but hasn't actually _asked_; I'd go out with him again, just to see what happens. We'll see, I guess.
> 
> And then I spent the weekend holed up in my apartment with a killer sinus headache. Woot!


A dull development economist???


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> A dull development economist???


I know, right? :rofl:

(Actually, I work with a lot of economists, and some of them are cool, interesting people. One of them has a rock cover band with some of his students called The Grateful Fed. He plays drums.)

But I also think that everyone can be interesting, in their own way, it's just that sometimes you have to dig for it. Which is why I'm willing to give it a second date.

But he doesn't listen to music! Like, at all. Who doesn't listen to music? That's just weird. And probably a poor fit for me, since music is such a integral part of who I am. If I had the choice of die tomorrow, or live 100 more years in perpetual youth without music? I would choice to die tomorrow, because a life without music isn't worth a thing to me.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> But he doesn't listen to music! Like, at all. Who doesn't listen to music?


Someone who has no soul!!!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> But he doesn't listen to music! Like, at all. Who doesn't listen to music? That's just weird. And probably a poor fit for me, since music is such a integral part of who I am. If I had the choice of die tomorrow, or live 100 more years in perpetual youth without music? I would choice to die tomorrow, because a life without music isn't worth a thing to me.


Deal breaker! He has no soul. And I'm not exaggerating. I do not trust a person who doesn't listen to music.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Someone who has no soul!!!


Doh! Beat me to it.


----------



## Healer

So Reporter Girl went to Vancouver this weekend. We texted a bit before she left. She was back Sunday (that's when she said she'd be back). I texted her yesterday "how was your trip"? but noticed it didn't say "delivered", which it always does. No reply. I look this morning and it says delivered (sometimes later yesterday). This happens when I text my ex about the kids and she's at her bar where wi-fi is not very good. It'll eventually say "delivered" but she never gets it, so I have to re-text.

No response yet - which is odd as she usually gets right back to me. Maybe it didn't go through - or maybe it did. Debating whether to text her again. If she did get it and I text again...don't want to seem desperate or insecure. But if she's lost interest I'm cool with that - just want to know. Overthinking, I know.

Text again? Wait? What to text if I do again and not sound pathetic (like this post :frown2: )?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> So Reporter Girl went to Vancouver this weekend. We texted a bit before she left. She was back Sunday (that's when she said she'd be back). I texted her yesterday "how was your trip"? but noticed it didn't say "delivered", which it always does. No reply. I look this morning and it says delivered (sometimes later yesterday). This happens when I text my ex about the kids and she's at her bar where wi-fi is not very good. It'll eventually say "delivered" but she never gets it, so I have to re-text.
> 
> No response yet - which is odd as she usually gets right back to me. Maybe it didn't go through - or maybe it did. Debating whether to text her again. If she did get it and I text again...don't want to seem desperate or insecure. But if she's lost interest I'm cool with that - just want to know. Overthinking, I know.
> 
> Text again? Wait? What to text if I do again and not sound pathetic (like this post :frown2: )?


You are REALLY overthinking this! Just text her again!


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> You are REALLY overthinking this! Just text her again!


OK, I did. I said "sooooo, uhhhhh, I text you and NOTHING??? I sat around waiting all night long for you to get back to me. Didn't get to sleep until like 4 am thanks to you, and I just got caught NAPPING at work. Thanks a lot!"

Just kidding. I just asked if she wanted to get together this weekend.


----------



## Healer

Hmm - same thing. Not delivered.


----------



## ne9907

Healer said:


> Hmm - same thing. Not delivered.


Could she had blocked you?
Sounds like so


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Deal breaker! He has no soul. And I'm not exaggerating. I do not trust a person who doesn't listen to music.


Yeah, it might be a deal breaker. He expressed an interest in MY musical talents. He said he would like to hear me play piano sometime, and he asked if I had any videos of me singing. I played maybe a minute of a vid I had on my phone, and he protested when I turned it off. I don't know how much of that is genuine interest, and how much of it is polite/"if I act like I like it, maybe I'll get in her pants."


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I found THE perfect TAM meme! I'm gonna post the crap outta this little sucker, LOL!


----------



## Healer

ne9907 said:


> Could she had blocked you?
> Sounds like so


I thought that too - but apparently when you're blocked, the message eventually turns from blue to green. The last one I sent eventually said "delivered", which apparently doesn't happen when you're blocked. Plus I'd think she'd unfriend me on Facebook if she blocked, and also, why would she do that when we ended on a good note? Who knows though, anything is possible.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Could she had blocked you?
> Sounds like so


She wouldn't block him for no good reason. They clearly have a connection, and she wants to get together with him again. And she seems the type to be up front if she wasn't feeling it.

Healer, do you have any other way to reach her? Email or call her tomorrow and be like, "hey, my phone is being hinky (which it IS) and I'm having problems with texting, so I'm sorry if you texted me and I didn't respond. I wanted to see if we could do XYZ now that you're back."

It's vague enough that it covers all possible scenarios... her not getting your texts, or if she DID reply, and you're not receiving them, yada yada.

But seriously, it could be anything. Radiation interference with the signal, out of range, she dropped her phone in a toilet (*<--* happens more frequently than you might think). You know, whatever. Don't sweat it, pal. It's a blip, it's nothing.

ETA: You can message her on Facebook, based on your comment above.


----------



## vi_bride04

Sounds like it was delivered to her account but she hasn't viewed it yet. If you were blocked you wouldn't be able to message her at all and all that would show would be "Facebook user" and no profile pic. So I don't think you are blocked. 

She just hasn't clicked on your message to view it. Don't send another after the 2 you have sent.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> She wouldn't block him for no good reason. They clearly have a connection, and she wants to get together with him again. And she seems the type to be up front if she wasn't feeling it.
> 
> Healer, do you have any other way to reach her? Email or call her tomorrow and be like, "hey, my phone is being hinky (which it IS) and I'm having problems with texting, so I'm sorry if you texted me and I didn't respond. I wanted to see if we could do XYZ now that you're back."
> 
> It's vague enough that it covers all possible scenarios... her not getting your texts, or if she DID reply, and you're not receiving them, yada yada.
> 
> But seriously, it could be anything. Radiation interference with the signal, out of range, she dropped her phone in a toilet (*<--* happens more frequently than you might think). You know, whatever. Don't sweat it, pal. It's a blip, it's nothing.
> 
> ETA: You can message her on Facebook, based on your comment above.


Yeah, I think she'd just say "hey, I'm not into it". She's a pretty straight shooter.

Facebook is a possibility.


----------



## Healer

vi_bride04 said:


> Sounds like it was delivered to her account but she hasn't viewed it yet. If you were blocked you wouldn't be able to message her at all and all that would show would be "Facebook user" and no profile pic. So I don't think you are blocked.
> 
> She just hasn't clicked on your message to view it. Don't send another after the 2 you have sent.


I won't send another. I'll give it a couple days and see what happens.

Then I'll likely send an FB message...if for some reason she's avoiding I'd like to know, so I can move on to other prospects. But that doesn't seem her style and again, I can't think of why that would be out of the blue. Unless she discovered I'm really a woman.


----------



## FeministInPink

And dude, you never know what might have come up since she got home. She could be having a family emergency or something. Like I said, don't sweat it.


----------



## Healer

Well there you go. She just texted - she just switched from iPhone to Android and is having issues. All is well. 

Yikes, I must really like this girl. :-|


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well there you go. She just texted - she just switched from iPhone to Android and is having issues. All is well.
> 
> Yikes, I must really like this girl. :-|


What'd I tell ya? It wasn't a thing.

Uh oh, you're in trouble. Just be cool. :grin2:


----------



## Dread Pirate Roberts

Healer said:


> Well there you go. She just texted - she just switched from iPhone to Android and is having issues. All is well.
> 
> Yikes, I must really like this girl. :-|


Yeah, that's a common problem when you switch, if you don't deactivate iMessage first. Good luck, Healer!

DPR


----------



## Healer

Dread Pirate Roberts said:


> Yeah, that's a common problem when you switch, if you don't deactivate iMessage first. Good luck, Healer!
> 
> DPR


If she deactivates iMessage...what will happen?

And thank you!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> But he doesn't listen to music! Like, at all.


How is that even possible?

I would consider such a person a machine or something, but that's just me.


----------



## Dread Pirate Roberts

Healer said:


> If she deactivates iMessage...what will happen?
> 
> And thank you!


If you don't deactivate iMessage when you switch to Android, Apple's systems will try to deliver messages for a week before it gives up and deactivates automatically. You need to deactivate it to get iMessage and Apple's servers out of the delivery path, as Android is straight SMS/MMS

She might have to call Apple support and have them do that, if she doesn't have her iPhone anymore.

DPR


----------



## FeministInPink

randomdude said:


> how is that even possible?
> 
> I would consider such a person a machine or something, but that's just me.


i don't know!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Instant FZ if I meet a woman like that, if we can even be friends... heck, like another world really...

My world is surrounded by music, even my workplace, my car, my apartment - first thing I do is switch on the music. My daughter grew up surrounded in such an environment, we suspected it's also why she rarely cried, danced before she could walk. In fact, I can't believe how some people can sit still when a good beat comes on, like many girls when they go out.

Still... heck come to think of it I have never met ANYONE who doesn't like music, not even listening to it? Like come on, he's probably lying (for some unknown reason), maybe he's trying to be mysterious (lol)?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Instant FZ if I meet a woman like that, if we can even be friends... heck, like another world really...
> 
> My world is surrounded by music, even my workplace, my car, my apartment - first thing I do is switch on the music. My daughter grew up surrounded in such an environment, we suspected it's also why she rarely cried, danced before she could walk. In fact, I can't believe how some people can sit still when a good beat comes on, like many girls when they go out.
> 
> Still... heck come to think of it I have never met ANYONE who doesn't like music, not even listening to it? Like come on, he's probably lying (for some unknown reason), maybe he's trying to be mysterious (lol)?


I don't know, maybe he only listens to classical or jazz or bluegrass, or something niche like that. 

I showed him my list of karaoke songs, which is pretty expansive and covers a lot of genres... and he didn't recognize but ONE of the songs. And then he said something like, "Well, I'm not really into music."

Geez, guys are mysterious enough just because they are male. No man needs to TRY to be mysterious. You're all mysteries, lol!


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know, maybe he only listens to classical or jazz or bluegrass, or something niche like that.
> 
> I showed him my list of karaoke songs, which is pretty expansive and covers a lot of genres... and he didn't recognize but ONE of the songs. And then he said something like, "Well, I'm not really into music."
> 
> Geez, guys are mysterious enough just because they are male. No man needs to TRY to be mysterious. You're all mysteries, lol!


That's not mysterious, that's just lame. "I'm not really into music", I've heard that phrase maybe 4 or 5 times in my life. Instant dislike for the person.


----------



## RandomDude

Well you did mention he's from Bengali or some such, he probably only likes his own native music, there are plenty of folks like that around, they are cool in my book. Maybe the whole "I'm not into music" is a miscommunication of "I'm not into western music" or some such.

Oh, and I put a (lol) next to mysterious for a reason  Some folks just have lame game.


----------



## FeministInPink

I wouldn't go so far as instant dislike, but my thought was, "If you're 'not really into music,' I don't think you'll ever really understand me." He seemed to have a respect for my passion for music, and the amount of time I've invested into lessons, etc... but that doesn't mean that he'll get it.

I'm like RandomDude--music goes on the minute I get in the car, or get home. I listen to music at work whenever I can get away with it. On my commute, if I'm not reading. I'm singing all the time.


----------



## RandomDude

Guess you sing in the shower too


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm not really into music but I still love to dance and have a few favorite bands. 

I just have no digital music or even a CD collection. Some discs here and there but nothing compared to people who are really into music.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well you did mention he's from Bengali or some such, he probably only likes his own native music, there are plenty of folks like that around, they are cool in my book. Maybe the whole "I'm not into music" is a miscommunication of "I'm not into western music" or some such.
> 
> Oh, and I put a (lol) next to mysterious for a reason  Some folks just have lame game.


Ha ha, I knew what you meant 

Yeah, I thought of that, but it wouldn't make much sense, since he didn't really grow up in Bengali. His family moved to Thailand when he was 5, and then he moved to the US for college, and he's been here ever since--20+ yrs.



RandomDude said:


> Guess you sing in the shower too


Yes, I do. But my bedroom has better acoustics


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, I knew what you meant
> 
> Yeah, I thought of that, but it wouldn't make much sense, since he didn't really grow up in Bengali. His family moved to Thailand when he was 5, and then he moved to the US for college, and he's been here ever since--20+ yrs.


Oh? Well maybe he only mixes with his native crowd? Also get those, even if they lived in the country their whole lives! 



> Yes, I do. But my bedroom has better acoustics


Whao now lol


----------



## TheGoodGuy

If my daughter's in the car, it's music. She likes techno music, I'm probably more into trance than techno. And I like some of most other genres. I have a pretty eclectic taste. But a lot of times if I'm driving by myself, I listen to audiobooks.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Oh? Well maybe he only mixes with his native crowd? Also get those, even if they lived in the country their whole lives!


Possible. But then what's he doing trying to date a white chick? Lol!



RandomDude said:


> Whao now lol


Ha ha, you started it! And I was talking about singing. I don't know what you thought I was talking about. I can't help it if you've got a dirty mind


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Possible. But then what's he doing trying to date a white chick? Lol!


Same reason why any man would be dating a lady FIP 



> Ha ha, you started it! And I was talking about singing. I don't know what you thought I was talking about. I can't help it if you've got a dirty mind


Well you did paint a lovely picture with your words, I couldn't help but suggest... lol


----------



## FeministInPink

Well, I DO have a way with words...


----------



## RandomDude

Can only wonder what else you have a way with...


----------



## FeministInPink

Well, you'll just have to keep wondering, won't you?


----------



## RandomDude

Nah, not this time  hehe

Anyway... we killed the thread (tis was your doing!)


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> I wouldn't go so far as instant dislike, but my thought was, "If you're 'not really into music,' I don't think you'll ever really understand me." He seemed to have a respect for my passion for music, and the amount of time I've invested into lessons, etc... but that doesn't mean that he'll get it.
> 
> I'm like RandomDude--music goes on the minute I get in the car, or get home. I listen to music at work whenever I can get away with it. On my commute, if I'm not reading. I'm singing all the time.



Im not really into music. I like music and have some on my IPHONE but it is rare for me to listen to it on my own at great lengths. I prefer talk radio or audiobooks. I do have some spiritual music and fun music for when the mood strikes. I like silence when I am alone. I dont mind if others play it. I have a friend who has XM radio and I love being in his car to enjoy it but its not something I have to have.

I love to dance and grew up doing theatre so its not necessarily that this guy cant or wont understand you.


----------



## FeministInPink

I hope you all find your banana. Happy Wednesday, everyone!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Banana...... 

Love the minions..


----------



## RandomDude

Banana is a rather suspicious fruit to bring up randomly don't you think? lol


----------



## FeministInPink

It's not random... have you not seen _Despicable Me_? The minions _*LOVE*_ bananas.

And I saw it on my Facebook feed this morning, and wanted to share.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes I've seen that clip like a hundred times 

Might as well see it again...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWO-PB7fsWk

Still, bananas are... nevermind >.<


----------



## Lone Shadow

That video was hilarious!


----------



## RandomDude

The hell LS, you and Dread Pirate or whatever have the same avatar. I thought he was you actually...

Anyway, been depressed lately... not in the mood for anything. Giving up the whole FWB scene, getting tired of it. Getting tired of dating too. In fact, think I've just about given up, on everything.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah, I saw that. I need to change my avatar.


----------



## FeministInPink

I like your avatar. I think you should keep it.

ETA: And besides, they're not exactly the same. I've had no problem telling the difference.


----------



## FeministInPink

Yay, I finally got my birthday promo code and ordered my Wonder Woman chucks! They should be here in about a week.










I decided to pass on the Dr Martens for now.


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. Decided to update you on my dating life. The older man and I are still seeing each other. Some days are better than others. In some regards, I think we have taken a step back because I feel like our relationship is stagnating. We arent pushing to move it forward. We just enjoy each other without expectation or planning for the future. I guess I really would like more insight than just lets not worry about tomorrow or where we are going. I dont do well without steps. 

So with that in mind, I agreed to spend a day with Chemistry Man on Tuesday. We both took a day off and are going to spend the day enjoying each other's company. Dont know if this will provide more clarity or bring more confusion but I got to the point that I needed to see where this will lead. If OM doesnt want to give our relationship some definition, I might as well see what else is out there.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. Decided to update you on my dating life. The older man and I are still seeing each other. Some days are better than others. In some regards, I think we have taken a step back because I feel like our relationship is stagnating. We arent pushing to move it forward. We just enjoy each other without expectation or planning for the future. I guess I really would like more insight than just lets not worry about tomorrow or where we are going. I dont do well without steps.
> 
> So with that in mind, I agreed to spend a day with Chemistry Man on Tuesday. We both took a day off and are going to spend the day enjoying each other's company. Dont know if this will provide more clarity or bring more confusion but I got to the point that I needed to see where this will lead. If OM doesnt want to give our relationship some definition, I might as well see what else is out there.



Haven't you only been dating OM for about 3 months? And the first 4-6 weeks you weren't even sure if you were exclusive? What kind of steps would you like to be taking at this point to move it forward - can you be more specific? 

It sounds to me like you have CM on your mind and haven't been able to get it out. So you're looking for excuses to see the bad with OM to "allow" yourself the opportunity to pursue CM again...


----------



## bkyln309

SARAHMCD said:


> Haven't you only been dating OM for about 3 months? And the first 4-6 weeks you weren't even sure if you were exclusive? What kind of steps would you like to be taking at this point to move it forward - can you be more specific?
> 
> It sounds to me like you have CM on your mind and haven't been able to get it out. So you're looking for excuses to see the bad with OM to "allow" yourself the opportunity to pursue CM again...


True CM and I have exactly that incredible chemistry. I have put him off many times but I cant shake him.

OM and I have been seeing each other three months. I guess I want him to say this is how I am feeling about the relationship. I have brought it up several times and he gives me a very generic answer. Things are great. Let's not change what is working. Let's wait and see. But he never tells me how he feels it is going. Makes me unsure I should be putting all my eggs in one basket.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> True CM and I have exactly that incredible chemistry. I have put him off many times but I cant shake him.
> 
> OM and I have been seeing each other three months. I guess I want him to say this is how I am feeling about the relationship. I have brought it up several times and he gives me a very generic answer. Things are great. Let's not change what is working. Let's wait and see. But he never tells me how he feels it is going. Makes me unsure I should be putting all my eggs in one basket.


You know, in my opinion, after 3 months, there should be no question in your mind as to his feelings for you, or as to whether the two of you are exclusive! Hell I think you should be declaring love at this point, personally, and if you're not, then by all means, do see others...

Is it a FVCK YES? THAT is the question!


----------



## FeministInPink

3 months might be too soon for declaring love, but I agree with 3x that there should be no doubt about where it's going and where you stand. I would be seriously put off by by a man who put ME off like that.

So, is it a fvck yes? If not, then it's a fvck no. And if you're seeking out Chemistry Man, it doesn't sound to me like Older Man is a fvck yes.


----------



## FeministInPink

PS... if you're not sure, then it's a fvck no.

I always know within a month or two for sure. Do you know your personal timeline?


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> 3 months might be too soon for declaring love, but I agree with 3x that there should be no doubt about where it's going and where you stand. I would be seriously put off by by a man who put ME off like that.
> 
> So, is it a fvck yes? If not, then it's a fvck no. And if you're seeking out Chemistry Man, it doesn't sound to me like Older Man is a fvck yes.


When I am with OM, I feel great. Comfortable. But I guess I feel like when you are crazy about someone, you tell them. That and he had asked me to meet his family in July and has since booked the trip without me. When I asked him about seeing other people, he said I am not seeing anyone else but I understand if you are. Which I wanted him to say at that point, what do you think about not seeing anyone else which he didnt. 

Then CM had said something to me a few days later. He said we are too old to not have everything we want, to sell ourselves short and settle. He said I want to have it all in a relationship. He said you are everything I am looking for. I want to see if we truly can have it all. I told him talk is cheap. He said give me the opportunity to show you because you havent. So I agreed to meet him. 

If OM had said, I think we have a future. I would not have seen CM again. But his wishy washy ways have put me off (its weird he is this way because he texts me and calls me all the time unlike CM).


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So OM is a wishy washy fvck no!  You are not going to get the kind of commitment/sparks/love out of him that you want. CM on the other hand...pursue, but carefully. Sounds like a smooth talker to me, see if he backs those words up before you get too invested! (I know about this all too well!  )


----------



## bkyln309

3Xnocharm said:


> So OM is a wishy washy fvck no!  You are not going to get the kind of commitment/sparks/love out of him that you want. CM on the other hand...pursue, but carefully. Sounds like a smooth talker to me, see if he backs those words up before you get too invested! (I know about this all too well!  )


I tell CM to his face that he is a player. I dont think there is long term potential there but I will cautiously provide him the opportunity to prove me wrong.


----------



## RandomDude

Mood right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7O7ihJCq0w

Grrr... going to the chemist I think, going to get this monk's pepper and try it, hope it's not prescription only... can't fked booking a GP


----------



## Lone Shadow

Eh. I changed my avatar anyway. I like my new avatar just as much as the old.


----------



## RandomDude

What is that?


----------



## Lone Shadow

It's complicated.

It's a Jolly Rorger holding a dive flag. The skull makes the top part of an anchor, the bottom rocker is obviously the bottom part of the anchor. In the center of the flag is an empty air gauge, and across the bottom of the anchor it says, "Your time's up"


----------



## 06Daddio08

Bklyn. It sounds like you're hoping OM will become someone he's not. Not every person (man or woman) goes into deep explanations as to how they feel.

If you feel that you need that type of verbal security, let him know. If he can't give that to you then it's time to reflect personally on what you want.


----------



## Lifescript

Agree with daddio. Has there been any talk at all about exclusivity?


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Agree with daddio. Has there been any talk at all about exclusivity?



We are not exclusive. He says he is not dating anyone else but I can. That fact became clear this weekend.

I spent this weekend with him. He was fixing a light switch in my house and was using a flashlight app on his phone. He asked me to hold the phone so he had both hands but he must have hit the home button twice because I saw his last activity. It was installing the Zoosk app and about 10 faces of women he viewed. I hit the home button again so the history disappeared and didnt say anything but that pretty much says it all. He was looking at profiles while he was with me on the weekend. I find that disrespectful. He wants to date fine. But dont do it on a weekend with me.

I will see CM on Tuesday without a thought now.

Update: OM said it was an ad for the Zoosk appp in his flashlight app. He showed me it. but it still has set me uneasy. He is upset I would think that of him


----------



## TooNice

Hey all. Haven't really checked in here for awhile. Was sort of seeing someone for a bit, but he got busy with sports season with his kids, so that's kind of died out. I'm fine with that...great guy, but I know we probably were not heading for anything serious. Have really only been talking to a couple of guys for awhile, so no dates. Probably good, since I was dealing with some stuff with my ex, our son, my SD... Not easy stuff, but I'm coming out better for it, I think. (I posted a couple of threads about part of it; OW is now in the picture publicly.) 

I did have a really lovely date last night. I met him (IRL!) at a mutual friends' house a couple of months ago. We hit it off and talked some outside after. Very similar situation to my own, but he's still early in the process. I gave him my number then, but truly just as a resource if he ever wanted to talk. Saw him again at same friends' house last weekend, and ended up going out to dinner last night. Treated me very well and easy to talk to. (Dinner took four hours and two bottles of wine...good sign, no?)  

He's older than me, for a switch, by 13 years. He's a former firefighter, and carries his age very well. I know our mutual friend is excited about the possibility of the four of us going out together soon. It's nice to have a real person validates that this guy is as nice as he seems to be.  

Anyway, hope you are all well. Enjoy the rest of the weekend!


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of carrying age well... I still don't believe at nearing 30, they STILL ask me for ID at the liquor store. A part of me is rather flattered, another part of me gets annoyed that I still haven't rid myself of my babyface


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Speaking of carrying age well... I still don't believe at nearing 30, they STILL ask me for ID at the liquor store. A part of me is rather flattered, another part of me gets annoyed that I still haven't rid myself of my babyface


Mid 30's. I get carded for tobacco every single time. Never carded for alcohol.


----------



## RandomDude

Hoorah for a fellow babyfaced dude! 

Still remember years ago when I reconciled with my mum, she still looked ~25 at like 40+, and people thought we were a couple! Argh! She found it flattering, I found it embarrassing!
I wonder if it's going to be the same thing with my daughter in 10 years time, I go out with her and people go "awww, you two are a cute couple!" WTF?!

Bah! I hate my babyface


----------



## Healer

I went on date number 2 (this decade) with reporter girl. I picked her up and we went to a blues club and I got up and played. I was all sweaty and played hard and got lots of compliments and people stopping to tell me they really liked it, which is always good when you're with a lady. ;-)

Then...who do I walk right by, but GG. :-| Yup - she was there. Ended up sitting 1 table over from her and her date. Needless to say, I said, "hey, you want to get out of here??". She was down, so we went to my place. We ordered Chinese food and watched a few episodes Louie. 

I made a move on the couch and she kind of giggled and said "do you realize how strange this is??" Indeed I did. First kiss in 20 years - very bizarre. I rushed thing after that. She spent the night, but she was insecure - she told me she was unhappy with her body ("I'm 20 pounds too heavy") and you could tell she wasn't totally at ease, which made me not at ease. We fooled around but didn't go all the way. I was dumb for (once again) rushing into sex. Don't know why I do that (well, it's because I'm an idiot man). I really should've slowed things down and given us time to get to know each other...get more comfortable with each other.

When LG came over that first time (first time we'd ever hung out), we had sex within an hour and it was hot, passionate and great. But that's because that's all it was supposed to be. I think RG and I actually have something different going on (potentially), and thus it needs to be nurtured more. It was just too soon to jump in the sack. But we talked about it, and she said "maybe we should try this another time, after we have more of a story". Agreed. She spent the night and left in the morning. She apologized for putting out her nervous energy and killing the vibe. She kind of froze up a little - which is totally understandable. My fault.

I wasn't sure what she thought about the whole thing,, and whether that put her off. I was angry with myself for rushing things. Dumb dumb dumb. Anyway, I shot her a text last night saying it was nice to see her and thank you. She replied "hey, was just thinking of you. Seriously, thank you for last night, you were a very gracious host. Might seem weird to ask so soon, but do you want to hang out Friday? Just want to give you ample time to plan or think of ways to say "no". "

Of course I said yes. She said "great, why don't you come to my place after work so you don't have to do the commute all the way to your house". 

So, I guess I didn't _totally_ screw things up.


----------



## FeministInPink

Of course you didn't screw things up. I kind of expect a guy to try to move fast if he's into me, especially if he invites me back to his place. If a guy doesn't, then it makes me wonder.

Don't worry, you're fine.


----------



## bravenewworld

Question for the singles of TAM'ers - have you ever dated someone who might be your polar opposite? 

There's this guy who comes into the bar I work at every blue moon or so. Nice guy, very attractive. Older than me but seems younger by the way he dresses. His personality is flashy, even a bit boastful. But on the flip side, he's very nice and knows how to laugh at himself. He usually brings a date and they're definitely a certain type; yoga instructor, playboy playmate, etc. You get the deal. 

Last weekend he came in specifically to say he's had a crush on me for a while and ask me out. Usually I don't give my number out (especially to customers) but I've always thought he was good looking and so I did. Now we're texting and making plans. We also exchanged instagram account info - mine is full of pictures of my cooking, my gardening, and pets. His is flashy cars, exotic vacations, etc. 

The thing is, I don't really date guys like him. Flashy tends to be a major turnoff for me, but he's cool and funny and part of me feels like isn't that part of being single - dating someone different and/or outside of your comfort zone? Can there be a balance between caution and giving someone interesting a shot?


----------



## bravenewworld

bkyln309 said:


> Update: OM said it was an ad for the Zoosk appp in his flashlight app. He showed me it. but it still has set me uneasy. He is upset I would think that of him


I have two apps that constantly show ads for Zoosk (one is a free calculator app, WTF does that have to do with dating?!) and I have NEVER visited or used the site so I would cut him a break on that. 

I mean, the guy was using his free time to fix something in your house, correct? To me that says more than any silly pop-up ads. :grin2:


----------



## RandomDude

Just noticed I really lost my desire for anything, thought these reflections and looking to reconcile with ex-wife is a phase that would pass but it seems not...

*sigh* Don't know what I can do


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Question for the singles of TAM'ers - have you ever dated someone who might be your polar opposite?
> 
> There's this guy who comes into the bar I work at every blue moon or so. Nice guy, very attractive. Older than me but seems younger by the way he dresses. His personality is flashy, even a bit boastful. But on the flip side, he's very nice and knows how to laugh at himself. He usually brings a date and they're definitely a certain type; yoga instructor, playboy playmate, etc. You get the deal.
> 
> Last weekend he came in specifically to say he's had a crush on me for a while and ask me out. Usually I don't give my number out (especially to customers) but I've always thought he was good looking and so I did. Now we're texting and making plans. We also exchanged instagram account info - mine is full of pictures of my cooking, my gardening, and pets. His is flashy cars, exotic vacations, etc.
> 
> The thing is, I don't really date guys like him. Flashy tends to be a major turnoff for me, but he's cool and funny and part of me feels like isn't that part of being single - dating someone different and/or outside of your comfort zone? Can there be a balance between caution and giving someone interesting a shot?


I prefer dating men who are very different from me. I appreciate the variety in activities and interests, but it's important that he feels the same way. If I got serious with someone who had all the same interests as I had, I would start to feel a little stifled, I think. I need my alone time, and if we share all the same interests, we would be together ALL. THE. TIME.

And just because the pics look "flashy," that doesn't mean HE'S flashy or shallow. I had an ex who was really into "flashy" cars, and was always posting pics of the cars on his Facebook page. Sounds shallow, but he was into them because he was interested in the mechanics. He enjoyed buying old cars and rebuilding them, in large part because it was an activity that he used to do with his dad, when his dad was still alive. So there was an emotional component to it. I know absolutely NOTHING about cars, but it was something I really liked about him.

So I say, give this guy a shot. You've got nothing to lose, and he could turn out to be a really great guy.


----------



## RandomDude

They always say "opposites attract" yet people do look for what they have "in common". In my opinion it's both.

Ex-wife was the opposite of me in terms of background, upbringing, style, class, wealth, anger management, lifestyle, when I first met her. But when it comes to wavelength, morality, values, our expectations of what a relationship should be like, we were of one mind.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> We are not exclusive. He says he is not dating anyone else but I can. That fact became clear this weekend.
> 
> I spent this weekend with him. He was fixing a light switch in my house and was using a flashlight app on his phone. He asked me to hold the phone so he had both hands but he must have hit the home button twice because I saw his last activity. It was installing the Zoosk app and about 10 faces of women he viewed. I hit the home button again so the history disappeared and didnt say anything but that pretty much says it all. He was looking at profiles while he was with me on the weekend. I find that disrespectful. He wants to date fine. But dont do it on a weekend with me.
> 
> I will see CM on Tuesday without a thought now.
> 
> Update: OM said it was an ad for the Zoosk appp in his flashlight app. He showed me it. but it still has set me uneasy. He is upset I would think that of him


Ouch!

So what made you think he saw 10 profiles? Were you satisfied with his explanation? Do you think it was just an ad? 

Go out with the other guy then if it's understood that you can date other people. If you want exclusivity and more commitment from OM you may have to communicate that to him. Some men don't bring it up until the woman does. 

I know I wouldn't not to look too eager or desperate. But that's just me.


----------



## Lifescript

Bravenewworld, 

I would give the guy a shot. I would like to date someone who is different than me and has different experiences so we both bring different stuff to the mix. Now later on if it gets serious then to me the person needs to have similar values than me. But that's down the road.


----------



## Morcoll

bkyln309 said:


> When I am with OM, I feel great. Comfortable. But I guess I feel like when you are crazy about someone, you tell them. That and he had asked me to meet his family in July and has since booked the trip without me. When I asked him about seeing other people, he said I am not seeing anyone else but I understand if you are. Which I wanted him to say at that point, what do you think about not seeing anyone else which he didnt.
> 
> Then CM had said something to me a few days later. He said we are too old to not have everything we want, to sell ourselves short and settle. He said I want to have it all in a relationship. He said you are everything I am looking for. I want to see if we truly can have it all. I told him talk is cheap. He said give me the opportunity to show you because you havent. So I agreed to meet him.
> 
> If OM had said, I think we have a future. I would not have seen CM again. But his wishy washy ways have put me off (its weird he is this way because he texts me and calls me all the time unlike CM).



This is simply an example of people not understanding attraction, including not fully understanding why they become less attracted to someone. 

Attraction is not a choice. 

Wish washy, indecisive, lack of purpose. These are huge turn offs for women. 

Feminism aside, we are hard wired a certain way, and a man is more attractive if he is decisive, knows what he wants, but not WORRIED about it, and takes action. 

This does NOT mean constant pursuit (as in the guy who always texts) as that comes off as needy, which is probably the biggest turn off of all.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lifescript said:


> Bravenewworld,
> 
> I would give the guy a shot. I would like to date someone who is different than me and has different experiences so we both bring different stuff to the mix. Now later on if it gets serious then to me the person needs to have similar values than me. But that's down the road.


Agreed. Similar *values* are a must have IMO, but dissimilar *interests* is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe you'll have fun and learn something..


----------



## Lifescript

Bklyn, 

If you wish things would work out with OM I think you should let him know how you feel. Communication is important. Let him know in some way or another that his lack of vision for a future with you is turning you off.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Bravenewworld,
> 
> I would give the guy a shot. I would like to date someone who is different than me and has different experiences so we both bring different stuff to the mix. Now later on if it gets serious then to me the person needs to have similar values than me. But that's down the road.


Agreed! What have you got to lose except a few hours if you arent feeling it?


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Ouch!
> 
> So what made you think he saw 10 profiles? Were you satisfied with his explanation? Do you think it was just an ad?
> 
> Go out with the other guy then if it's understood that you can date other people. If you want exclusivity and more commitment from OM you may have to communicate that to him. Some men don't bring it up until the woman does.
> 
> I know I wouldn't not to look too eager or desperate. But that's just me.


OG is out of town until Thursday. While I am satisfied with the explanation, we have not talked (he is out of town on business). We text but NOT nearly the same amount of texts. Just feel like we have some distance between us and Im not talking about mileage.

CM and I spent two hours together today. We were supposed to go out for the whole day but my son had strep. He came over when my son slept. We sat and talked. It was great. 

This incident really made me reconsider what I really want. My friend said to me, BKLYN, you are suppose to be enjoying dating and you are not. Date and have fun!! You got serious too quickly with OG. I think this showed you there are other choices out there, better choices. 

I guess I'll know more when OG and I sit down and talk. But I really think I am going to date more casually with both men. Both are busy, successful men. We all are busy. I think this has made me reconsider wanting to be with OG since even since this happened. He has not really communicated to me. More passive aggressive stuff!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Makes sense bklyn. Have fun. That's what life is about. Whoever shows with action that he wants you more gets the prize. 

Follow your gut.


----------



## vi_bride04

Awwww hell naaaawwwwww to the passive aggressive b.s.


----------



## moxy

I'm feeling pretty messed up emotionally in the heart and head because I still can't believe I've lost my dad. I feel lost and reluctant to move forward, like I just want to stay still for a long while. My priorities seem to be changing in a big way.The things that seemed to matter just a few weeks ago are so irrelevant, now. I don't want to go meet new people to date or anything like that because it just feels like way too much effort and emotional expenditure. I heard from my ex-h, which was really comforting. I also heard from Guy today, out of the blue because he is in the states for a few days for the first time in many months; I was very surprised. Tonight's been a really rough night and I just want to get some sleep, but I have so much work on which I'm behind. I may have some downtime after Sunday, though, and I hope I can just zone out and be with family.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I feel lost and reluctant to move forward, like I just want to stay still for a long while.


That makes two of us, for different reasons...


----------



## SARAHMCD

moxy said:


> I'm feeling pretty messed up emotionally in the heart and head because I still can't believe I've lost my dad. I feel lost and reluctant to move forward, like I just want to stay still for a long while. My priorities seem to be changing in a big way.The things that seemed to matter just a few weeks ago are so irrelevant, now. I don't want to go meet new people to date or anything like that because it just feels like way too much effort and emotional expenditure. I heard from my ex-h, which was really comforting. I also heard from Guy today, out of the blue because he is in the states for a few days for the first time in many months; I was very surprised. Tonight's been a really rough night and I just want to get some sleep, but I have so much work on which I'm behind. I may have some downtime after Sunday, though, and I hope I can just zone out and be with family.


What you're feeling seems perfectly reasonable and expected. You just need to ride it out. Your emotions are spent in grieving for your dad right now. I'm sure in a few weeks - or months- however long it takes, your priorities and needs will shift again.


----------



## RandomDude

I would say you are halfway there moxy, keep going, only halfway more to go, and you're on the upturn


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Moxy, I can totally empathize. I just lost both of my parents within six months...mom in Dec and my stepfather the same time you lost your dad. What you are feeling is very normal, so dont feel guilty about the things you dont want to do. Just ride it out, you'll come through it. 

How weird/wonderful that you heard from Guy...the universe conspires in the most bizarre ways sometimes, doesnt it...!


----------



## TooNice

Yes, Moxy...ride it out. When the feelings come, and they will, just allow them. Then remember your dad and know he's there. I've been there, too. I lost both of my parents within 18 months of each other. The feelings simply knock the breath out of you some days. But you're going to have a day when you realize that it haven't cried for a week. Or two. Or a month. Or more. More time will pass between those powerful waves of emotions. You'll even have days when you realize you almost feel normal. 

But I know...this part is hard. Hang in there and know that you WILL feel better. Just be good to yourself.


----------



## Morcoll

bkyln309 said:


> OG is out of town until Thursday. While I am satisfied with the explanation, we have not talked (he is out of town on business). We text but NOT nearly the same amount of texts. Just feel like we have some distance between us and Im not talking about mileage.
> 
> CM and I spent two hours together today. We were supposed to go out for the whole day but my son had strep. He came over when my son slept. We sat and talked. It was great.
> 
> This incident really made me reconsider what I really want. My friend said to me, BKLYN, you are suppose to be enjoying dating and you are not. Date and have fun!! You got serious too quickly with OG. I think this showed you there are other choices out there, better choices.
> 
> I guess I'll know more when OG and I sit down and talk. But I really think I am going to date more casually with both men. Both are busy, successful men. We all are busy. I think this has made me reconsider wanting to be with OG since even since this happened. He has not really communicated to me. More passive aggressive stuff!!!


What behavior exactly are you perceiving as passive-aggressive?


----------



## bravenewworld

TooNice said:


> But I know...this part is hard. Hang in there and know that you WILL feel better. *Just be good to yourself.*


This x1000. Long Walks. Inspiring and/or humor books. Hot baths with a glass of wine. Massages. Brunches with family and dear friends. A new cozy blanket. Comfort can be found in the smallest of places. Take care of yourself and be gentle.


----------



## moxy

So, I went out with Guy tonight. It was so incredibly sweet, felt like home. So comfortable. I forgot my sadness for a few sweet hours. I wish I could have stayed the night because he was so cuddly and affectionate, seemed to have missed me, but I have to head to work in an hour. Each of us have lost a parent recently and we talked about that. It helped me to talk about what I was going through. I finally got to give him the gift I bought him last year and he loved it. Anyhow, maybe I'll see him again when he visits in six months. He did say he wants to keep in touch, though. I don't want to read anything into anything. My head and heart are a mess. But, I needed comfort and out of nowhere, the universe gave it to me; for that, I am so grateful

Edit: (individual replies later today from my computer. Thank you guys for your supportive words).


----------



## SARAHMCD

So I saw my original FWB last night for dinner. To note, we are more friends than anything else, although it usually ends up in a bedroom by the end of the night . I hadn't seen him in almost a month - he's been studying for an exam. And dating. He was honest with me. Had a great time, I really enjoy his company. I think we're too much alike to actually become a couple although that works great as friends. He's too beta for me ultimately. We've already made plans to go paddle boarding next week...so its not all about "hooking up" with him. 

So here's my dilemma. I am traveling home (another country) to visit friends/family in mid-August. He's mentioned before how he'd love to make it there some day - a country he's never visited. So this time when I mentioned my travel plans he said it again. I suggested a city for him to visit and he responded with "or ....my home town". Which is a major city, to note. Now obviously I would not invite him to travel with me for 7-10 days but should I/could I invite him to fly up for a couple of days? I could set aside time to entertain him while he's there. Again, we are friends...but we do have sex too. I just really enjoy his company and have accepted that we're not going to be romantically entangled. Am I asking for trouble?


----------



## bravenewworld

SARAHMCD said:


> So I saw my original FWB last night for dinner. To note, we are more friends than anything else, although it usually ends up in a bedroom by the end of the night . I hadn't seen him in almost a month - he's been studying for an exam. And dating. He was honest with me. Had a great time, I really enjoy his company. I think we're too much alike to actually become a couple although that works great as friends. He's too beta for me ultimately. We've already made plans to go paddle boarding next week...so its not all about "hooking up" with him.
> 
> So here's my dilemma. I am traveling home (another country) to visit friends/family in mid-August. He's mentioned before how he'd love to make it there some day - a country he's never visited. So this time when I mentioned my travel plans he said it again. I suggested a city for him to visit and he responded with "or ....my home town". Which is a major city, to note. Now obviously I would not invite him to travel with me for 7-10 days but should I/could I invite him to fly up for a couple of days? I could set aside time to entertain him while he's there. Again, we are friends...but we do have sex too. I just really enjoy his company and have accepted that we're not going to be romantically entangled. Am I asking for trouble?


There's nothing wrong with it per se. But the fact you are having doubts makes me want to dig a little deeper. 

1) How far away is this other country? I feel like he's going to want to stay perhaps longer than you are intending. Most people don't want to go through the hassle of flying to another country for a 2 day getaway. (Although this could be different if you are located in Europe or somewhere similar where rail travel is easy.) 

2) Is he going to be staying with you? Cause unless you are really close to someone, that can get old real quick. (Especially if they are not helping to pay for the accommodation.) 

Not sure I would personally want to give up several days I could be spending with close family/friends (or flirting with new people - single lady time!) to show around an FWB. Especially someone who hasn't seen me by choice in a while and has made a point to say they are actively dating others.


----------



## bravenewworld

3Xnocharm said:


> Agreed! What have you got to lose except a few hours if you arent feeling it?


Thanks for the good advice! I over think things sometimes and have to remind myself that a first date is not an invitation to walk down the aisle. #divorcedpeopleproblems

We've been texting (and flirting!) a bit. He's asked to see me several times but I keep gently reminding him I don't have a day free until next week. Which is true, finally have that "single and busy" thing down. 

Really looking forward to this. Did I mention he's hot? >


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> So I saw my original FWB last night for dinner. To note, we are more friends than anything else, although it usually ends up in a bedroom by the end of the night . I hadn't seen him in almost a month - he's been studying for an exam. And dating. He was honest with me. Had a great time, I really enjoy his company. I think we're too much alike to actually become a couple although that works great as friends. He's too beta for me ultimately. We've already made plans to go paddle boarding next week...so its not all about "hooking up" with him.
> 
> So here's my dilemma. I am traveling home (another country) to visit friends/family in mid-August. He's mentioned before how he'd love to make it there some day - a country he's never visited. So this time when I mentioned my travel plans he said it again. I suggested a city for him to visit and he responded with "or ....my home town". Which is a major city, to note. Now obviously I would not invite him to travel with me for 7-10 days but should I/could I invite him to fly up for a couple of days? I could set aside time to entertain him while he's there. Again, we are friends...but we do have sex too. I just really enjoy his company and have accepted that we're not going to be romantically entangled. Am I asking for trouble?


You got a good thing, stop thinking about it. Thinking about the future, or worrying about it, it'll just ruin it. As long as you don't cross the boundaries set by both of you - you'll be fine.

Sure could use a FWB nowadays... *sigh*


----------



## SARAHMCD

bravenewworld said:


> Not sure I would personally want to give up several days I could be spending with close family/friends (or flirting with new people - single lady time!) to show around an FWB. Especially someone who hasn't seen me by choice in a while and has made a point to say they are actively dating others.


This is spot on. Although partly I just want to show a "friend" around my home town and have fun, if I dig deeper I think I would be hoping if we spent more time together like this, we might "fall" for each other. And I'm not sure that's a good idea. Plus, he's already made it pretty clear how he feels - or doesn't feel- for me. So I would end up disappointed. 

I am over thinking!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SARAHMCD said:


> This is spot on. Although partly I just want to show a "friend" around my home town and have fun, if I dig deeper I think I would be hoping if we spent more time together like this, we might "fall" for each other. *And I'm not sure that's a good idea.* Plus, he's already made it pretty clear how he feels - or doesn't feel- for me. So I would end up disappointed.
> 
> I am over thinking!


Why not? I'm curious why you're not interested in a relationship and only want FWB relationships right now.


----------



## SARAHMCD

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why not? I'm curious why you're not interested in a relationship and only want FWB relationships right now.


I think at this point in my separation process, I am in a emotionally stable place to start pursuing a relationship..slowly. But I've established this one with him as a FWB. We discussed those terms in the beginning. The fact that he is dating (no one serious yet) and not pursuing seeing me more often tells me that's still how he feels about us. So sure, I have the choice to push the issue and discuss with him but I'm pretty certain I know what the answer is. 

Besides that, I just left a relationship with a man who was very passive and introverted and this guy is quite similar in that regard. So realistically, I don't think he's the type of man I should be with in an LTR.


----------



## RandomDude

He's not your type for a LTR and neither are you, it's perfect. Stop worrying about, I see no red flags so far with what you've mentioned, either than the over-thinking.

A few dangers sure, but that's just how it is, when you start entertaining the idea of a relationship just remind yourself that there's no future between you two - that's how I kept my emotions in check anyway. If you start believing there may be a future, that's when I'd be wary.


----------



## Healer

So reporter girl invites me over to her place tonight (this was earlier in the week). Says to come by after work, and says "and do you want to sleep over? I want you to be comfortable and ply you with alcohol. You can say no if you want to, but thought I'd be bold". Of course I said yes. It's odd, she puts herself out there then gets insecure and withdraws a bit. Like when I said I look forward to getting to know her in response to something she said, she replied "wow, that caught me off guard - it was so sweet and purposeful, which is refreshing. Unless you were being sarcastic and I missed it? Ok, I should focus and work now". Then I don't hear back until the next day.

So Wednesday we're texting and it's going well. I send a text "it's sure cool reconnecting with you after all these years. I think you're something else". No reply. Then last night after no texting all day, she sends this via email:

"Hey,
All of a sudden today my world got a little 'rocked' as my deadlines were suddenly moved up to tomorrow and Monday. It just dawned on my boss that her boss is away for the next two weeks so, I need to submit a whack up stuff for approvals before he leaves.

Hence, I shall be workin' over the weekend. And this kind of sucks and stresses me out, as I should be workin' on getting a new job - not maintaining the old one.

Anyways, sorry to cancel our plans for tomorrow night but I don't think I can afford the time.

Next weekend fo' shizzle tho'.

Also, my phone had a melt down last night and I was locked out and had to do a system reset. Can I please have your number again. Apparently I had my back up iphone set to only backup when plugged into my computer and that hasn't happened since December. So have to say, missing a few items - lesson learned.

K

Sent from my iPhone"

So confused. Clearly she got cold feet...I don't buy the work thing at all. This after the "you're something else" text.

I was disappointed and a bit put off, honestly. So I replied "no worries. I have my kids next weekend though. Hope you get it all sorted". And I didn't send my number.

Is this some sort of a test? Cause I don't take tests anymore. Or did she just lose interest out of the blue?

Anyway, I won't chase her this time. I'm too old for this ****. I sent that reply last night, no word back (not surprised).

Lame!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> So reporter girl invites me over to her place tonight (this was earlier in the week). Says to come by after work, and says "and do you want to sleep over? I want you to be comfortable and ply you with alcohol. You can say no if you want to, but thought I'd be bold". Of course I said yes. It's odd, she puts herself out there then gets insecure and withdraws a bit. Like when I said I look forward to getting to know her in response to something she said, she replied "wow, that caught me off guard - it was so sweet and purposeful, which is refreshing. Unless you were being sarcastic and I missed it? Ok, I should focus and work now". Then I don't hear back until the next day.
> 
> So Wednesday we're texting and it's going well. I send a text "it's sure cool reconnecting with you after all these years. I think you're something else". No reply. Then last night after no texting all day, she sends this via email:
> 
> "Hey,
> All of a sudden today my world got a little 'rocked' as my deadlines were suddenly moved up to tomorrow and Monday. It just dawned on my boss that her boss is away for the next two weeks so, I need to submit a whack up stuff for approvals before he leaves.
> 
> Hence, I shall be workin' over the weekend. And this kind of sucks and stresses me out, as I should be workin' on getting a new job - not maintaining the old one.
> 
> Anyways, sorry to cancel our plans for tomorrow night but I don't think I can afford the time.
> 
> Next weekend fo' shizzle tho'.
> 
> Also, my phone had a melt down last night and I was locked out and had to do a system reset. Can I please have your number again. Apparently I had my back up iphone set to only backup when plugged into my computer and that hasn't happened since December. So have to say, missing a few items - lesson learned.
> 
> K
> 
> Sent from my iPhone"
> 
> So confused. Clearly she got cold feet...I don't buy the work thing at all. This after the "you're something else" text.
> 
> I was disappointed and a bit put off, honestly. So I replied "no worries. I have my kids next weekend though. Hope you get it all sorted". And I didn't send my number.
> 
> Is this some sort of a test? Cause I don't take tests anymore. Or did she just lose interest out of the blue?
> 
> Anyway, I won't chase her this time. I'm too old for this ****. I sent that reply last night, no word back (not surprised).
> 
> Lame!


She's done, cut her loose.


----------



## Lifescript

Very weird Healer. 

Looks like she likes to play games and has insecurity issues that are red flags. Those can turn anyone's life into a living hell. I agree with 3x. Next her.


----------



## Healer

Thanks guys. Yeah, I think you're right. I posted this on an audio forum I'm on with a bunch of guys that know my story well. They all think I should give her the benefit of the doubt and that she was telling the truth. And they gave me **** for withholding my number. Lol.

So I just emailed it to her. I'll leave it now though. I certainly won't contact her again. If she does me, I'll consider it then - but I think you're right, even if she does, I see a lot more of this flakiness in the future, and I don't play those games.

Weird about face though, huh?


----------



## Healer

Wow. So right after I email her my number, I get this text:

"Hey,
Just thinking about you and how it would be the perfect day to just be together indoors. Just sayin', we could be doing stuff, creating stuff - together or individually or just hangin' "

So. Confused.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Thanks guys. Yeah, I think you're right. I posted this on an audio forum I'm on with a bunch of guys that know my story well. They all think I should give her the benefit of the doubt and that she was telling the truth. And they gave me **** for withholding my number. Lol.
> 
> So I just emailed it to her. I'll leave it now though. I certainly won't contact her again. If she does me, I'll consider it then - but I think you're right, even if she does, I see a lot more of this flakiness in the future, and I don't play those games.
> 
> Weird about face though, huh?


Yeah, I have had this same thing happen before, leaves you scratching your head. Its like they want to like you, but only on THEIR terms, so if you are the one being forthcoming and actively pursuing, it makes them pull back. The toss their line out but dont want you to take the bait! Really weird, and frustrating!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Wow. So right after I email her my number, I get this text:
> 
> "Hey,
> Just thinking about you and how it would be the perfect day to just be together indoors. Just sayin', we could be doing stuff, creating stuff - together or individually or just hangin' "
> 
> So. Confused.


Ha, I was replying when you posted this! She is a flake. Either dont respond, or tell her you're already busy with something.


----------



## Lifescript

I can't believe this is happening to me. 

Coworker who I've posted about before ... the one I went out with and slept with although nothing happened between us because she was too drunk. Later I find out the she wasn't broken up with the bf like she said. 

She invited me for drinks tonight. I said I couldn't. She pushed and pushed saying she really needed someone to talk to and so I agreed to have lunch. During lunch she was crying saying she feels she is a bad person and that even her father thinks so. She told me she broke up with the bf a week ago. She says she feels guilty about the way she is. 

She said she wanted to get away somewhere. Now texts me that she got a hotel room for the weekend and wants me to come over tonight.

I don't think she is really broken up with the bf so I don't eat to intervene or be a reason they have more problems. I don't want to help her cheat in other words. Plus we work together. But the offer is sure tempting. The more I get to know her the more I see how messed up she is though. My God I sure attract crazy chicks.


----------



## 06Daddio08

A hotel isn't an acceptable place to meet a woman who just broke up with her boyfriend. Let alone one who's apparently at her wits end on the kind of person she is.

If you're wanting to seperated yourself and put her in the friend zone, I suggest telling her something like that.


----------



## ne9907

Healer
I think she might be saving you as her back up plan. It sounds like something I would do

Lifescript, we attract those people who we think deserve us. Think about that. If you dont want to attract "crazy" women, dont talkt o them at all, is that simple.


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> A hotel isn't an acceptable place to meet a woman who just broke up with her boyfriend. Let alone one who's apparently at her wits end on the kind of person she is.
> 
> If you're wanting to seperated yourself and put her in the friend zone, I suggest telling her something like that.


I told her something similar. This is so weird. I've never been in a situation like this. Well actually ... Some of it reminds me of stuff my ex would do. 

She texted me earlier saying she was very lonely and needed to see something normal meaning me. Wtf does that mean? She said she was afraid to be alone. Meanwhile she booked a hotel room instead of going home where she has her sister as roommate.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> Healer
> I think she might be saving you as her back up plan. It sounds like something I would do
> 
> Lifescript, we attract those people who we think deserve us. Think about that. If you dont want to attract "crazy" women, dont talkt o them at all, is that simple.


Ne,

This experience has taught me that nothing is what it seems and you can't judge a book by its cover. This girl looks very mature, professional and nice when you see her. But then the layers start pealing and what I found below is very troubling. 

I worry about her. She was crying a lot today. But I can't help but think she's manipulating me into doing what she wants by acting like a victim. I'm done reacting to those tactics.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Just give her some stern advice if she keeps it up. That will either push her away or she'll want you even more. Haha.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

So Healer, what did you do?


----------



## RandomDude

Healer said:


> Wow. So right after I email her my number, I get this text:
> 
> "Hey,
> Just thinking about you and how it would be the perfect day to just be together indoors. Just sayin', we could be doing stuff, creating stuff - together or individually or just hangin' "
> 
> So. Confused.


Best way to deal with a untamed sea is to be a rock.

I.e. stop reacting to her
@Lifescript

Mixing business and pleasure I see! Bad bad!


----------



## moxy

Oh, no. I've got the feels again. I guess my crush never went away because spending some time with Guy just made it all come rushing back. It's less painful to think about that the loss I'm feeling, so I suppose it's good to obsess a little. 😳


----------



## RandomDude




----------



## Lifescript

RD, 

I agree. It's not good to mix work with pleasure. She texted me around 6 am saying I stood her up. Lol. I never agreed to go to the hotel. She's a drama queen. I'm going to set strict boundaries with this one. 

Moxy, 

This is good. I think this can help you right now. I can imagine having someone who you can't see often because of distance and commitments brings the attraction to an all time high.


----------



## 06Daddio08

6 am texts? Yeah, no.


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> So Healer, what did you do?


Nothing, I didn't reply. I still don't get it - was that a re-invite? Either way, I didn't bite. I had no desire to go over there at that point anyway.


----------



## unsure78

RD love the pic! It made me smile this morning.

Script, stop texting with crazy...this girl is drama to the max. You just need to walk away from crazy, don't be the nice guy friend even.


----------



## Lifescript

unsure78 said:


> RD love the pic! It made me smile this morning.
> 
> Script, stop texting with crazy...this girl is drama to the max. You just need to walk away from crazy, don't be the nice guy friend even.


Yep. It's hard for me to not be nice to people but I see that she's trying to use me in this situation and I won't have any of that so I'm going NC.


----------



## unsure78

Good for you Script!


----------



## FeministInPink

Sorry kids, I've been up in the mountains, completely untethered to any type of technology. It was lovely. I'm just catching up with y'all now.
@Lifescript -- RUN, DO NOT WALK, RUN AWAY as fast as you can from Ms Histrionics. She's a typical damsel, looking to play on a man's rescuer instincts. Bad news, man. Go no contact.
@Healer -- I think you're being a little hard on Reporter Girl. She has a high-pressure job, and she's trying to balance that with being a mom. Stuff comes up, and it sounds like she's having a rough patch with work (and her phone) at the moment. I don't think she's losing interest, I think life sometimes gets in the way. I don't think that she's testing you, but she's definitely watching you to see how you'll handle it. She wants to see If you've grown up, or if you're the same impetuous boy you were however many years ago. And... you're failing on this one a little bit. Are you her priority right now? No, you're not, and that's as it should be. She's a grown woman with a life of responsibilities, and she needs to prioritize those first. You'll become more of a priority to her when she trusts you to stick around through the sh!t. Which you're not doing right now. Someone said, "it sounds like she only wants you when it's convenient for her." (Or something like that.) Well, aren't you doing the EXACT SAME THING? You're ready to walk over one cancelled date, one cancelled for perfectly legitimate reasons? Healer, you're the one being flaky here, and I think SHE might be the one better off without YOU. After all, you're doing the exact thing that you did to her the first time around... you're not getting exactly what you want exactly when you want it, so you're going to walk. That's pretty immature, IMO. Anything worth having is going to take effort and work.
@moxy -- I'm glad you and Guy were able to re-connect. Stay in touch, and maybe this time you'll be able to build a stronger foundation for something long-term. We don't often get second chances like this. Right now isn't a good time for you to start a relationship, but in six months, you'll be in a better place.


----------



## SoVeryLost

Soooo I have a date tonight! Fairly excited about this one. We talked on the phone for 2.5 hours last night. Seems so far like we want the same things and have a lot in common. Keeping myself in check though and not going to get my hopes up too high. But open to having a good time tonight regardless. Fingers crossed it goes well!


----------



## Lifescript

Hey FIP, 

Time disconnected from all form of electronics is great. 

The problem with Healers date is that she's been flaky and not really proposing alternate dates. She's just leaving stuff in the air and seems like she wants him to chase. Don't know about the rest here but my chasing days are so over. Mature women who know what they want are clear in their communication and if they have to cancel, propose alternate plans. 

SVL, 

Good luck tonight.


----------



## TooNice

Grrrr...need to rant about the arrogance of some men. Found out today that the good friend of a man I had seen a few times told one of my friends, "Well, not to break TooNice's heart, but he's sort of been seeing someone." My friend replied by letting him know that I'm just fine, and have been out with a couple of men since him. "But she's still texting him sometimes." I checked on that...last time we texted was a MONTH ago. Geez... why do some men seem to think that we are all pathetic little schoolgirls pining after them? 

/end rant

On a happier note, I ran a lovely little quarter marathon this morning. Second time ever I have run that distance. Now my training will step up a notch for the two half marathons I have coming up late this summer! Yikes...


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> @Healer -- I think you're being a little hard on Reporter Girl. She has a high-pressure job, and she's trying to balance that with being a mom. Stuff comes up, and it sounds like she's having a rough patch with work (and her phone) at the moment. I don't think she's losing interest, I think life sometimes gets in the way. I don't think that she's testing you, but she's definitely watching you to see how you'll handle it. She wants to see If you've grown up, or if you're the same impetuous boy you were however many years ago. And... you're failing on this one a little bit. Are you her priority right now? No, you're not, and that's as it should be. She's a grown woman with a life of responsibilities, and she needs to prioritize those first. You'll become more of a priority to her when she trusts you to stick around through the sh!t. Which you're not doing right now. Someone said, "it sounds like she only wants you when it's convenient for her." (Or something like that.) Well, aren't you doing the EXACT SAME THING? You're ready to walk over one cancelled date, one cancelled for perfectly legitimate reasons? Healer, you're the one being flaky here, and I think SHE might be the one better off without YOU. After all, you're doing the exact thing that you did to her the first time around... you're not getting exactly what you want exactly when you want it, so you're going to walk. That's pretty immature, IMO. Anything worth having is going to take effort and work.


She's not a mom. I didn't freak out or anything - all I said was "no worries, but I cant next weekend as I have my kids". I don't think that's an unreasonable response, is it? I genuinely thought she was just blowing me off - it was such an about face. So, no biggie if that's the case, **** happens. I didn't respond to her text as I really didn't get it - was she re-inviting me or just saying "that would be nice..."? Very cryptic. In regards to the "only when convenient for me"...not at all. We had plans - ones she initiated. She broke them - OK, I accept that. But I don't see how anything I've done is my acting like I only want what's convenient for me? I still don't get what her last text meant. Anyway, I just texted and asked if she got some work done and told her about some music I'm working on.

I'm not angry, just unsure of what she's thinking/wanting, and like 3x and LS said, I really read it as a blow off, "I'm not into it" type of thing. It just seemed really contrived. So I backed off. But I wasn't a **** or anything about it.

And if she actually is just not interested, that's all good too. I just don't like games. She may not be playing one intentionally, but I am genuinely confused. Whatevs, I'll just be cool. If she is interested, she'll reschedule. Or not! But next weekend is a bust as I'm not going to pawn my kids off. Looking forward to being with them.

And to clarify - I never "walked" the last time around?? I chickened out sleeping with her (yes, my bad), but then she walked. I couldn't wait to see her again but she lost interest. My only mistake back then was being a little gun shy. Not sure where you're getting that idea from.


----------



## Healer

Wow, just got a massive text from her. Offering me free passes for the kids to this science center, and then she said she called me last night (cell rang but I didn't answer - I was in my studio) and she had changed her mind and wanted me to come over after all. Asking me what kind of music I was working on, etc. and asking for help with a video project.

So, my guess is she just chickened out (exactly like I did all those years ago) and panicked a little. But then changed her mind. That's cool, I get it.


----------



## TooNice

Healer, it sounds to me like both of you just need to take a deep breath and stop thinking so much.  
You clearly like each other, so just be together and enjoy it and see what happens. 

Glad she reached out again.


----------



## Healer

TooNice said:


> Healer, it sounds to me like both of you just need to take a deep breath and stop thinking so much.
> You clearly like each other, so just be together and enjoy it and see what happens.
> 
> Glad she reached out again.


Indeed. I'll just chill and take it slow - no pressure for either of us. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I can be the "rock". And after all, it's rather amusing. I'll just be playful about it all.


----------



## TooNice

Healer said:


> I'll just be playful about it all.


Good plan!


----------



## FeministInPink

Argh, sorry, Healer... I'm getting some details screwed up, I think. But, yeah--stop overthinking things


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> @moxy -- I'm glad you and Guy were able to re-connect. Stay in touch, and maybe this time you'll be able to build a stronger foundation for something long-term. We don't often get second chances like this. Right now isn't a good time for you to start a relationship, but in six months, you'll be in a better place.



You said some things that got me thinking. True that right now isn't a good time to be in a relationship. Out of the blue, in a totally unexpected manner, I needed comfort and he was here to give it. It was a great night. I was so surprised and so delighted, and totally satisfied by our time together (which would have been longer if I didn't have to travel for work). And this time, he didn't leave without saying goodbye. I was the one that had to leave to get to a meeting, but I knew when he was leaving, and we parted on very affectionate terms. He did say he'd be returning in some months and would see me when he came back, but I don't think he's big on long-distance, so I don't know that he'll be too much in touch before then, but...who knows? I guess I can hope. I got a chance to give him his gifts, which were well-received (and that made me happy) and to say the things I felt I needed to say. At this point, I'll leave it to him to keep in touch if he wants to, and try not to obsess -- even though I have to admit that being with him brought all my feelings right back, despite my thinking that they had dissipated. It makes me feel totally unsettled because...I do like him, but I don't intend to do the chasing, and that means admitting that it is possible that he just wants fun when he's around and nothing more and...I hate how mixed up I feel about it. I'm grateful for the lovely orgasms and all the amazing and sweet intimacy that took my mind off of being sad, but I am not going to be clingy. And I need to mourn and spend some time with family, and resolve some of my own issues before I obsess about my crush. Maybe things will be cool in a few months and I will be in a better headspace.


----------



## SoVeryLost

It's funny how someone can be a perfect match on paper, through texts, on the phone, etc....but then you meet them in person and just....nothing. Had a nice dinner, but conversation was hard to keep going. All in all it was an okay evening - wasn't awful, but I was glad to get out of there, and I got the feeling he was relieved when dinner was over as well. 

Back to square one!


----------



## 06Daddio08

SoVeryLost said:


> It's funny how someone can be a perfect match on paper, through texts, on the phone, etc....but then you meet them in person and just....nothing. Had a nice dinner, but conversation was hard to keep going. All in all it was an okay evening - wasn't awful, but I was glad to get out of there, and I got the feeling he was relieved when dinner was over as well.
> 
> Back to square one!


Yeah. It happens a lot. I feel that there's 2 transitions needed to be made with online dating. Text to Phone and Phone to In Person, from my experience conversation has to be gauged accordingly not not everything 'spilled' at once. 

Hard to do.


----------



## FeministInPink

Saw this posted on another thread, and thought it was interesting:

Hacker Factor: Gender Guesser

My informal writing comes across as very female, but my formal writing (my fiction) comes across as heavily male. Interesting!


----------



## RandomDude

Lol! Nice link, I just copy and pasted everyone's posts for results, and:

Both Moxy and Healer (lol) got:

Genre: Informal
Verdict: Weak FEMALE
Genre: Formal
Verdict: FEMALE

:rofl:

I got
Genre: Informal
Verdict: MALE
Genre: Formal
Verdict: Weak FEMALE

So I'm an informal male and a formal weak female!

Also what's with the explanation "Weak emphasis could indicate European."?! lol


----------



## FeministInPink

My guess is that the algorithm is skewed for American English, RD.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Healer said:


> Wow, just got a massive text from her. Offering me free passes for the kids to this science center, and then she said she called me last night (cell rang but I didn't answer - I was in my studio) and she had changed her mind and wanted me to come over after all. Asking me what kind of music I was working on, etc. and asking for help with a video project.
> 
> So, my guess is she just chickened out (exactly like I did all those years ago) and panicked a little. But then changed her mind. That's cool, I get it.


Yeah, she changed her mind once it was a safe bet you had something else going. Had you been available and accepted, she likely would have come up with a last minute cop-out again. She only wants the pursuit, she doesnt actually want you to catch her. My gut is telling me she is wasting your time.


----------



## bravenewworld

SoVeryLost said:


> It's funny how someone can be a perfect match on paper, through texts, on the phone, etc....but then you meet them in person and just....nothing. Had a nice dinner, but conversation was hard to keep going. All in all it was an okay evening - wasn't awful, but I was glad to get out of there, and I got the feeling he was relieved when dinner was over as well.
> 
> Back to square one!


Chemistry is such a weird thing. One time I met up with a Keanu Reeves lookalike who was everything on my checklist (very successful, great manners, intelligent, etc.) and literally didn't feel a thing. It was like having dinner with a distant relative. 

A week later, I met up with a total blue-collar guy about 20 lbs overweight who was slightly balding. I couldn't keep my hands off him. WTF?!


----------



## bravenewworld

Anyone else on a hot streak? It's been so weird, every time I leave my house I am getting attention. In the past week I've gotten several phone numbers and even had guys go out of their way to ask me out and tell me how hot I look. Which is weird because I've gained weight - maybe it went to the right places? Mind you, this is all happening after a major drought. 6 months of not going on a single date! When it rains, it pours I guess! Perhaps everyone is feeling frisky now that it's summertime. 

Out of all the guys I met recently, there was one I really liked. We were introduced at a bar via a mutual friend. We had so much in common and I felt that strong "pull" of attraction (also known as boi-yoi-yoing.) The night ended and as we were walking away I told him I hoped I'd see him again. He didn't ask for my number but added me ten minutes later on Facebook. Sometimes I hate technology! I prefer old-fashioned ways.


----------



## bravenewworld

Healer said:


> Indeed. I'll just chill and take it slow - no pressure for either of us. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I can be the "rock". And after all, it's rather amusing. I'll just be playful about it all.


I'm on a "three strikes and you're out" policy. If it's good enough for baseball.....


----------



## Healer

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, she changed her mind once it was a safe bet you had something else going. Had you been available and accepted, she likely would have come up with a last minute cop-out again. She only wants the pursuit, she doesnt actually want you to catch her. My gut is telling me she is wasting your time.


Ya think? I don't know - maybe. My gut tells me she just got nervous/cold feet. She texted me a bunch yesterday - she initiated. Wanted to know my schedule with the kids and how available I am. She asked about this weekend again and I said I can't - so she said how about Tuesday?

So, she's still putting it out there she wants to get together. We'll see. Honestly I'm cool either way - but yeah, if there's another flake out, I'm done.

She doesn't seem like a game player to me - just a little unsure and maybe insecure. We'll see.


----------



## Healer

bravenewworld said:


> I'm on a "three strikes and you're out" policy. If it's good enough for baseball.....


Only 1 strike so far. But yeah, 3 tops.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I got my Wonder Woman Converse today... and they are WAY TOO BIG!!! I have to go to a store now and exchange them. Luckily, I found a store that has them in STOCK. I just called them, and they said they shouldn't sell out of my size before I can get there on Wednesday.

And I didn't buy the boots... which I am really regretting. I think I need to get the boots.

In other news, my cat died yesterday  I knew his time was near, so I've had time to prepare myself, but it's still sad. Turns out, having time to prepare myself hasn't made it much easier. My apartment was oddly quiet and still this morning without him around.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Aw, I'm sorry about your cat. Happy about the shoes. Animals do add a certain warmth and life to a home.


----------



## FeministInPink

Funny, I never really wanted the cats in the first place (some of you may recall that the other cat passed away about 1.5 yrs ago). My XH was the one who really wanted them, and he left them behind when he left, just like everything else. I never expected to get attached to them, but they really helped me get through the separation and divorce. 

But this does give me a lot more freedom now. I'll be able to move into a more fiscally viable living situation, which will in turn allow me to take better control of my money and live my life the way I really want to. 

I loved my kitties and I am grateful for the time I had with them, but having them also meant that I was still half stuck in my old life.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Funny, I never really wanted the cats in the first place (some of you may recall that the other cat passed away about 1.5 yrs ago). My XH was the one who really wanted them, and he left them behind when he left, just like everything else. I never expected to get attached to them, but they really helped me get through the separation and divorce.
> 
> But this does give me a lot more freedom now. I'll be able to move into a more fiscally viable living situation, which will in turn allow me to take better control of my money and live my life the way I really want to.
> 
> I loved my kitties and I am grateful for the time I had with them, but having them also meant that I was still half stuck in my old life.



Im sorry for your loss! But I understand the idea of having more freedom without a pet around. While I want much more time with my animal, when she goes I will not get a replacement.


----------



## RandomDude

Damn... losing a pet is tough 

Don't think I can take an empty home, I live semi-alone in 3 bedroom apartment with my daughter on the weekends but my cat takes up one of the rooms, lots of boxes (its errr, my storage space)

Without my cat I think I would go nuts 5 days a week, especially now since I have no FB/FWB or GF


----------



## bravenewworld

Sorry about your kitty Fem. I'm sure you'll cherish the fond memories while starting new beginnings.


----------



## RandomDude

To cheer you up:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3tRDLQbRA
(Watch until the end  ) hehe


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> To cheer you up:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3tRDLQbRA
> (Watch until the end
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ) hehe


Awesome


----------



## Jane139

RandomDude said:


> Damn... losing a pet is tough
> 
> Don't think I can take an empty home, I live semi-alone in 3 bedroom apartment with my daughter on the weekends but my cat takes up one of the rooms, lots of boxes (its errr, my storage space)
> 
> Without my cat I think I would go nuts 5 days a week, especially now since I have no FB/FWB or GF


I love my kitty took, took him when I moved out and then adopted a little dog. They keep me busy and occupied and I never feel alone.


----------



## bkyln309

Update on my dating situation: Older Man and I talked Sunday night. He just wanted to sweep it all under the rug. I hit the major points and dropped it. He has been more aloof than usual (only a texts and no phone calls). I am so turned off with all this that honestly Im leaving him alone. 

Chemistry Man: Last I heard from him was Saturday. A few quick texts and that was it. I know he is swamped with work but this is the reason despite his protests that I dont give him more of my time. He really doesnt invest much. So again, I'm house cleaning. Im not contacting him again (Im not upset with him really. He has always been this way). I am more upset I let him back in.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> To cheer you up:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3tRDLQbRA
> (Watch until the end  ) hehe


Awwwe, that was so cute. It did cheer me, thanks 

Thanks to everyone for your kind words.


----------



## RandomDude

Strange day today... bah! Wimmens have to stop flirting with me, staring, playing with hair, fluttering, posing as soon as I near the vicinity, swinging their shoulders left to right...

Sometimes I wonder if they know that I know what they are thinking (like hell, can it be more obvious? Body language is so transparent)... unless they do all this not because they are interested, but for some reason that only females would understand :scratchhead: I also wonder if they know what I'm doing when I'm playing dumb...

Hell not sure I even have the willpower to enforce my celibacy with such daily temptations and opportunities anymore... *sigh*


----------



## BlueWoman

FiP, so sorry about your cat. It's tough to lose a pet. 

So I thought I would start updating everyone here, because I am no longer the mismatched heart and mind. 

Today would have been our 9th anniversary...and you know...I feel okay. There is someone here at work that is also celebrating her anniversary and everyone keeps telling her "happy anniversary" and I feel nothing.

I could be that I am being very distracted by my nerd. The relationship has progressed, and I am happy to say I have finally broken my over a year long sexual drought. 

He's coming over tonight as well. So happy Anniversary to me!


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks, BW 

And I'm so glad to hear you're doing well! Hooray for ending droughts


----------



## kwood

My divorce was finel 1 week ago today
after 23 years of marriage . I really hope
it gets better i have good days and bad days
i just hate this this new life .every one says
you have to rebuild so i will do the best i can.


----------



## FeministInPink

kwood said:


> My divorce was finel 1 week ago today
> after 23 years of marriage . I really hope
> it gets better i have good days and bad days
> i just hate this this new life .every one says
> you have to rebuild so i will do the best i can.


As much as some of us b!tch about the struggles of being single again, I think all of us here agree that is is better than when we were in dysfunctional marriages.

It gets better, if you're willing to put in the effort to make it so. Figure out what you want your life to be, now that it can be any life you want, and make it happen


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Update on my dating situation: Older Man and I talked Sunday night. He just wanted to sweep it all under the rug. I hit the major points and dropped it. He has been more aloof than usual (only a texts and no phone calls). I am so turned off with all this that honestly Im leaving him alone.
> 
> Chemistry Man: Last I heard from him was Saturday. A few quick texts and that was it. I know he is swamped with work but this is the reason despite his protests that I dont give him more of my time. He really doesnt invest much. So again, I'm house cleaning. Im not contacting him again (Im not upset with him really. He has always been this way). I am more upset I let him back in.


You can't make someone care about what's important to you, and you can't make them change to be what you want. And you know that. I think this applies to both men in this situation. Neither men is giving you what you need/want, so it's probably time to let them go. If they're not willing to make the effort for you, they don't deserve you. 

Let them go... next!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

BlueWoman said:


> FiP, so sorry about your cat. It's tough to lose a pet.
> 
> So I thought I would start updating everyone here, because I am no longer the mismatched heart and mind.
> 
> Today would have been our 9th anniversary...and you know...I feel okay. There is someone here at work that is also celebrating her anniversary and everyone keeps telling her "happy anniversary" and I feel nothing.
> 
> I could be that I am being very distracted by my nerd. The relationship has progressed, and I am happy to say I have finally broken my over a year long sexual drought.
> 
> He's coming over tonight as well. So happy Anniversary to me!


> have fun! 

Myself, I just realized I'm two days away from what would have been our 11th anniversary. Truly hadn't even crossed my mind until I did the math. And I'm one month shy of being 2 years fully divorced, but I'm sad to report that my drought is currently at 25 months! :surprise:


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> > have fun!
> 
> Myself, I just realized I'm two days away from what would have been our 11th anniversary. Truly hadn't even crossed my mind until I did the math. And I'm one month shy of being 2 years fully divorced, but I'm sad to report that my drought is currently at 25 months! :surprise:


I had a rough time with the last anniversary, which was while we were separated, at which point I knew we were absolutely, no-doubt-about-it divorcing, but I had friends to distract me.

On the same date a year later, 9 months after the divorce was finalized, the date came and went without my noticing, until about a week later.

@TheGoodGuy, I want you to work on it, because I think I currently hold the record for longest drought, and if you hit 27 months, you'll beat me. Go get laid!


----------



## SoVeryLost

Weird week so far... Didn't have my son last night. In conversation I was halfway joking in a text with this Tinder guy when I asked if he wanted to watch a movie. He asked what time, and I was slightly taken aback. I said I had been joking, but wth....come over at 8:00 if you want, but fyi I'll be in a hoodie and yoga pants, and if you're coming over you'll just have to be okay with that, haha. So before I knew it I had a stranger in my home with me. Didn't even know the guy's last name. Smart? No, not at all. But we actually watched the movie, had great conversation afterwards, and parted ways with a friendly hug. Physically I had no interest, but he clearly did as he's been texting me quite a bit today, asking for an actual date and being pretty flirty. I don't want to lead him on, but his personality is awesome. Really wish I could keep him as a friend.

I'm back to wishing I could just find a fwb or even a ons. Soooo tired of the dating scene, but a girl has needs. I just can't seem to find anyone. Well, anyone that doesn't make me ill to think of in that way at least. Dry spells suuuuuuuuck.


----------



## Healer

So reporter girl invited me over to her house last night. We had a lovely visit and she cooked for me. I spent the night, and we fooled around a little bit, but kind of agreed we'd take things slow (didn't go all the way). 

We talked about how we are both over-thinking things and a bit nervous - given our history, etc. We talked about how she hesitated a bit the first time she slept over (we've had 2 sleep overs with fooling around but no PIV). She said she thought to herself "I actually want to get to know this guy versus just sleeping with him" and that I seemed so caring and loving and that surprised her as she thought I'd be more guarded. And that she is attracted to me and for weird, unexpected reasons versus just plain physical reasons. She said "so we'll just roll with each other's over thinking and occasionally check in with where each others head's are at. Until of course I get impatient and just jump you. ;-)"

It's weird - when I actually have feelings for a woman, I'm less inclined to just shag her. My body has a way of saying "slow down, get to know her first". Because as is often the case (I think), jumping in to bed too soon can kind of ruin things. And I've ended up breaking it off with every woman I've done that with. We just kissed a lot and stared into each other's eyes and I caressed her face and hair and all that sappy ****. It was lovely actually.

I really want to let this build and nurture it as opposed to wham bam thank you ma'am. Whod'a thunk?

I'm really glad we had that talk.


----------



## BlueWoman

Healer said:


> It's weird - when I actually have feelings for a woman, I'm less inclined to just shag her. My body has a way of saying "slow down, get to know her first". Because as is often the case (I think), jumping in to bed too soon can kind of ruin things. And I've ended up breaking it off with every woman I've done that with. We just kissed a lot and stared into each other's eyes and I caressed her face and hair and all that sappy ****. It was lovely actually.
> 
> I really want to let this build and nurture it as opposed to wham bam thank you ma'am. Whod'a thunk?
> 
> I'm really glad we had that talk.



When I was in my 20's I used to have a philosophy, that If I went out with a date, and I liked him ok but knew it wasn't going anywhere, I would sleep with him then. 

But if I really liked a guy...I'd wait. 

Sadly, I rarely waited.


----------



## Healer

BlueWoman said:


> When I was in my 20's I used to have a philosophy, that If I went out with a date, and I liked him ok but knew it wasn't going anywhere, I would sleep with him then.
> 
> But if I really liked a guy...I'd wait.
> 
> Sadly, I rarely waited.


Funny how that works, isn't it?

Yeah - I haven't waited at all. Except for this one.


----------



## Lifescript

I know we all have had to learn to be happy alone and it's a good skill to master. But honestly not having someone next to you in the middle of the night and in the morning sucks!!!


----------



## TooNice

kwood said:


> My divorce was finel 1 week ago today
> after 23 years of marriage . I really hope
> it gets better i have good days and bad days
> i just hate this this new life .every one says
> you have to rebuild so i will do the best i can.


It does get better. Focus on the things that you know are already better and they will start to override the things you miss.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> I know we all have had to learn to be happy alone and it's a good skill to master. But honestly not having someone next to you in the middle of the night and in the morning sucks!!!


I'm cool with it actually. Honestly I can't imagine living with someone again. Not saying never, but I've enjoyed the hell out of my singledom these past 2.5 years.


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> I'm sad to report that my drought is currently at 25 months! :surprise:


And here I am whining...

Don't know what is worst quite frankly, celibacy for 25 months, or crappy dates and disappointments for 25 months.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I may be biased, but at least you're getting to try it out, even if you end up disappointed RD! ;-)


----------



## BlueWoman

kwood said:


> My divorce was finel 1 week ago today
> after 23 years of marriage . I really hope
> it gets better i have good days and bad days
> i just hate this this new life .every one says
> you have to rebuild so i will do the best i can.



Oh it really does get better. I know it doesn't feel like it's possible. But it does. One day you will wake up and you will be fine. And then the next day you will be fine, and after a few days you'll know you are better. The problem is there isn't any timeline for it. No one can tell when the pain gets bareable, only that it will. And most of the time, you won't even care. Hang in there...do all the stuff you have wanted to do that you couldn't, and take one step at a time.


----------



## bravenewworld

Feeling a little bummed - was excited to have a first date with Hotshot Guy who came into my bar specifically to ask me out. He was texting me nonstop about hanging out and I told him "I can do Tues or Thurs next week, which is better?" He never specified which date was best, but said he would make either work because "he wanted to see me SO badly." ::insert eye roll:: 

Big shocker, the first day I suggested came and went. I got a text from him Tues evening saying "Oh shoot. Just remembered it was your day to meet up with me. Have an event tonight but I promise I want to hang out with you." I wanted to be honest but not overly dramatic, so I just wrote back, "I was a bit disappointed not to hear from you until now, but no big deal. Enjoy your night." 

Honestly, I just don't feel like playing these types of games. What's so hard about meaning what you say these days? Or manning up and saying, "Let's say Thursday at 9?" So not interested in meeting up with him anymore. As I get older I have less time to BS. And this is why I don't date customers, because if (no, WHEN) he comes back into the bar I have to pretend to be nice to him. Ugh. Any suggestions on what I can tactfully say to let him know I'm no longer interested? Only going to let him know if he tries to reach out again (which he might not, problem solved.) 

I feel like an a$$hat.


----------



## bravenewworld

TheGoodGuy said:


> I may be biased, but at least you're getting to try it out, even if you end up disappointed RD! ;-)


I see both sides of the coin. I thinks it's great and healthy to put yourself out there, but like RD I have constantly experienced disappointment. After a while it starts to wear on you.

I have a friend who was in a new relationship three days after leaving her ex husband, and meanwhile I'm two years separated/divorced and haven't even come close to finding someone worthwhile.


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, either way, celibate or disappointment, same boat. Still sucks...

It's most annoying to meet someone who gets your hopes up only to plummet you back into the dirt, last date - poker face - was one such lady... *sigh* she just HAD to be so ignorant/racialist didn't she? Bah!

Also at least with celibacy you don't cringe at the memories of past dates, bleh... several dates I regret even touching them. In fact, some of them I rammed them just to get my mind off it for a while, knowing I'll feel sick and empty - as the sick feeling helped to keep me away from dating from time to time.

Meh... maybe I need to learn Zen or some sort of meditation or something...









Though last time I tried it I fell asleep and passed out.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I can see your point as well.. All I'm saying is that a confidence booster every now and again would be nice (for me anyway). But I'm generally not one that does ONS or hops into bed with just anyone. There's got to be some sort of connection first. YMMV.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bravenewworld said:


> I see both sides of the coin. I thinks it's great and healthy to put yourself out there, but like RD I have constantly experienced disappointment. After a while it starts to wear on you.


I think this is why I started a relationship with my now ex-H. I was online dating - living in a large city for work where I knew no one - and just got tired of the BS and disappointment that often comes with OLD. I was about to give up for good (well, ok, at least for a long period of time) when my ex emailed me. He was so "normal", easy to talk to, polite and sweet. So I started dating him for those reasons, not particularly because there was a large "spark" or we particularly clicked or we even had a whole lot in common. I was almost 40 and wanted to be married. He did too. We were engaged a year later. Obviously that doesn't have a happy ending!!

Now I have 2 regular FWB 4 months after leaving and I'm quite good with that. Both are good guys - but very opposite. Learning what I like (and don't). I have a date about once a week. The rest of the time I'm going to meetup.com groups and enjoying some hobbies I haven't in awhile. Just enjoying being by myself for the most part. Not getting hopes up for either of these guys so I won't be disappointed. Eventually I'll have to really get back out there to look for something more. 

For now, life is good.


----------



## Healer

bravenewworld said:


> I have a friend who was in a new relationship three days after leaving her ex husband...


Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.


Yeah, right...


----------



## Lifescript

My drought is 14 months. 

I don't necessarily want someone to live with me but would be nice to have a fwb who I sleep with every now and then. 

OLD is hard from what I hear and the games get tiring fast.


----------



## RandomDude

"Old is hard"? :scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

OLD = *O*n *L*ine *D*ating


----------



## RandomDude

Ah! Thanks... and heck... it even has its own acronym now! Bah!

Seriously though is online really the norm these days? I read before that already 1 in 5 relationships started online - but even if thats true, its still exploring only a fifth of your options no?


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Ah! Thanks... and heck... it even has its own acronym now! Bah!
> 
> Seriously though is online really the norm these days? I read before that already 1 in 5 relationships started online - but even if thats true, its still exploring only a fifth of your options no?


1 in 3 in the US now. So yes, its pretty normal to meet this way.


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> My drought is 14 months.
> 
> I don't necessarily want someone to live with me but would be nice to have a fwb who I sleep with every now and then.
> 
> OLD is hard from what I hear and the games get tiring fast.


Seriously, I didn't think OLD was that bad, It was fun for the most part and gave me some good stories to tell. I think OLD is all about your perspective. I generally did not get upset if some guy didn't email me back or if I wasn't asked out on a second date. I tried not to invest to much of myself until the person had proven to me thru their actions, not words, that they were worth it. 

If my current relationship ended, I would have no problem going back to OLD again. Though, I agree with everyone else that it shouldn't to be your only avenue for dating.


----------



## Lone Shadow

SARAHMCD said:


> 1 in 3 in the US now. So yes, its pretty normal to meet this way.


 @RandomDude
In addition to that, it actually expands the potential to meet rather than limit it. 

Even if it was 1 in 5 relationships, it doesn't reduce your potentials to 20% of what's out there. You might meet someone who goes to different clubs, or happens to go out on different days/times than you. Or hell, maybe just lives on the other side of the city.

I live in a rural area. Recreational drug use is fairly common in this area, but I will not associate myself with anyone who uses. With 2 kids at home, I have a very limited time to go out. I would rather that time be spent enjoying someone's company, than looking for someone.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hmmmm fwb situation seems to be evolving. Doing more date like activities and having much more sex. 

Not quite sure how I feel about it.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Enjoy it?


----------



## vi_bride04

Lone Shadow said:


> Enjoy it?


Yes, of course!! I just find myself analyzing a little too much lately due to the changes. I need to get out of my own head. 

It's been a little over a year since things started with a pretty regular pattern so the uptick is just a change I need to adjust to without over thinking crap.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well stop that over analyzing crap, nobody likes it when they're over analyzed.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

And it's exhausting to over analyze. Ask me from 2 years ago how i know.


----------



## bravenewworld

Update: So the day after he stood me up, guess who walks into my bar "to say hi." Yup, Mr. Hotshot. With a girl half his age on his arm. 

Luckily I had just clocked out, so I plastered on a grin and said, "have a wonderful night you two!" before running for the door. He actually stood there for a moment as though I would want to stick around and talk with him. Dude has some nerve!

Lesson learned, never date a customer! Especially a douchey one.


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> @RandomDude
> In addition to that, it actually expands the potential to meet rather than limit it.
> 
> Even if it was 1 in 5 relationships, it doesn't reduce your potentials to 20% of what's out there. You might meet someone who goes to different clubs, or happens to go out on different days/times than you. Or hell, maybe just lives on the other side of the city.
> 
> I live in a rural area. Recreational drug use is fairly common in this area, but I will not associate myself with anyone who uses. With 2 kids at home, I have a very limited time to go out. I would rather that time be spent enjoying someone's company, than looking for someone.


Recreational drug use? You mean just pot? Or more than that?

Rural areas in my country are simply full of potheads too lol
Nothing for them to do! Better than alcohol at least...

Still don't understand the whole online thing, I can't read anyone with just words on a screen. Need to see the whole package myself.


----------



## RandomDude

bravenewworld said:


> Update: So the day after he stood me up, guess who walks into my bar "to say hi." Yup, Mr. Hotshot. With a girl half his age on his arm.
> 
> Luckily I had just clocked out, so I plastered on a grin and said, "have a wonderful night you two!" before running for the door. He actually stood there for a moment as though I would want to stick around and talk with him. Dude has some nerve!
> 
> Lesson learned, never date a customer! Especially a douchey one.


=/

Next time, don't react, don't give him the satisfaction. Can be tough, but sometimes it's more worth it to see someone infuriated at the futility of their attempts in provoking a reaction. This is one such case.

But tis just me...


----------



## TooNice

I read this in someone's profile just last night. It made me laugh!

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." ~George Carlin


----------



## Lone Shadow

More than that. Because of the type of work I do, I can't associate with that crowd. Even just pot.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> @TheGoodGuy, I want you to work on it, because I think I currently hold the record for longest drought, and if you hit 27 months, you'll beat me. Go get laid!


*Insert cheesy pickup line here* :x


----------



## Morcoll

bravenewworld said:


> Update: So the day after he stood me up, guess who walks into my bar "to say hi." Yup, Mr. Hotshot. With a girl half his age on his arm.
> 
> Luckily I had just clocked out, so I plastered on a grin and said, "have a wonderful night you two!" before running for the door. He actually stood there for a moment as though I would want to stick around and talk with him. Dude has some nerve!
> 
> Lesson learned, never date a customer! Especially a douchey one.


I think your response is spot on. Prepared to walk away-- you did-- and don't let him know that his presence bothers you. Happy with or without him. Very attractive actually.


----------



## RandomDude

Saw poker face tonight, was awkward at first, but cleared a few misunderstandings. Regardless it's never going to work, and I don't excuse her, and I think she knows this, but good to be acquainted at least.

A bit annoying really, been hunting so long solo I forgotten what it's like to date women within social circles. Still have to see their bloody faces from time to time... bah!



Lone Shadow said:


> More than that. Because of the type of work I do, I can't associate with that crowd. Even just pot.


Sounds like we're on opposite sides of the fence! :surprise:


----------



## bravenewworld

Morcoll said:


> I think your response is spot on. Prepared to walk away-- you did-- and don't let him know that his presence bothers you. Happy with or without him. Very attractive actually.


Thanks Morcoll. I can't really be rude to him since he is a customer. Nor would I want to be. I'm in a good place and better than that kind of behavior. 

It's just kind of weird he came in THAT night considering I see him 2-3x a month at best. Random coincidence? I think not. 

I don't understand people who behave in such a way. At all. At first I was like "what did I ever do to this guy to make him be such an a$$ to me?" but then I remembered that his behavior has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with him. 

Thank you therapy! :wink2:


----------



## SoVeryLost

Happy Father's Day to all of you daddies! Hope you guys all get to enjoy the day with your children.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Happy Father's Day! D9 and I went with my BIL and his daughter to see Inside Out. Great flick! Must have been some onions or something there because my eyes started watering.. Weird.


----------



## RandomDude

Not father's day for me, but daughter and I did see Jurassic World together which she enjoyed as much as the first one. She's a brave little lady really, not scared of anything, even came out the cinema scaring strangers pretending to be a dinosaur heh. She's so bold and carefree and I don't she even understands the meaning of "shy"! And people wonder why I love her so much.

Myself... meh, didn't really enjoy the movie, the script is horrible in my opinion, romance is forced/unnatural, dialog weak and plot too straightforward and predictable - nothing like Jurassic Park.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Not father's day for me, but daughter and I did see Jurassic World together which she enjoyed as much as the first one. She's a brave little lady really, not scared of anything, even came out the cinema scaring strangers pretending to be a dinosaur heh. She's so bold and carefree and I don't she even understands the meaning of "shy"! And people wonder why I love her so much.
> 
> Myself... meh, didn't really enjoy the movie, the script is horrible in my opinion, romance is forced/unnatural, dialog weak and plot too straightforward and predictable - nothing like Jurassic Park.


Awe, that is too cute


----------



## RandomDude

Heh yeah she's alot of fun 
Good thing folks were sporting when she roared at them, probably because it's cute lol

Can be trouble though! Since she was a babe ex always took her out so she inherited a very outgoing personality, the only problem being that we have to watch her like a hawk whenever we go out, as she approaches anyone and everyone! Sometimes I don't know if we raised her wrong or if it's just her, like, ex by taking her out everywhere encouraged her how "not to be shy" but now she's having a hard time trying to teach her "why not to talk to strangers"! She even got into a boy-kissing debacle at school in the past.

I also taught her values in regards to respecting animals and then she goes and plays with huntsman spiders! Once she caught one and ex had to BEG her not to bring a spider close to her face! It would have been hilarious if my daughter didn't bring the spider to me instead - as even I can't handle them on my skin - I use dustpans/paper/bowl! I got a huge scare recently too with a huntsman (a really big one), and chances are my daughter took it home. Real devil she can be!

But hell I love her as she is, as restless and annoying she can be sometimes...


----------



## Lifescript

Question for the ladies and guys offer suggestions too if you can. 

Ladies, other than the usual bar or restaurant outing what are some places a date has taken you to that you have enjoyed? I'm thinking more on the romantic side. 

Guys,

Where do you take them after you have already done bars/restaurants to keep it fresh?


----------



## RandomDude

Car/boat/bedroom/beaches/parks/cinemas/fairs/festivals/events/concerts/karaoke/comedy show/living room/kitchen/bathtub/laundry/variety of dance clubs/back to the car/bedroom/dance again/bowling club/hiking/riding/bedroom again/new event/different beach/road trip/car/boat/bedroom again but shower or tub first/etc etc


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks RD. Festival or comedy club sound good. The beach is my favorite hangout spot but I'm taking this girl out at night.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Honestly the best first dates (or meet up) I've had is just going for a walk in a park. One time I asked if she wanted to take her dog to the dog park and we chatted for the entire afternoon. Didn't even notice my sunburn until later. Lol.


----------



## Lifescript

This girl loves dogs. That would be a good idea for another day. We are meeting up at night so it has to be something else.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Third lunch today with.. Hmmm let's call her "HasHer****Together Girl" or "HHST" for short... was great. Really enjoy talking with her. She's funny and witty and our banter is fun. I think our first "real date" will be this Sunday as she's coming to a fancy brunch with me with 30+ people. Really interested to see how she'll be around some people I know and some people I don't. 

Really can't put my finger on this one. My previous long relationships have had a very different (desperate?) spark to them in the beginning that I'm not necessarily getting here, and I think that's because we're going slower. Clearly my picker was broken in the past and I'm trying to go about new relationships in a different way. This feels like the right tempo for now with having sole custody of D9 and almost no time away to date around.


----------



## FeministInPink

I find anything overlooking the water (a river, a lake, the ocean) at night to be quite romantic. The sound of the water, and the lights reflecting off the surface create a great mood, and it's quite a different atmosphere than in the day when there are tons of people around.

This sounds silly, but I think a great date would be going somewhere like ESPN Zone or Dave n Busters and playing air hockey and all the other games there. And... you can learn a lot about someone by the way they win (or lose). 

Do you have any drive-in movies near you? They're rare, but they still exist. That's a fun idea for a summer date. 

It's sometimes fun to do local touristy things that you wouldn't normally do, but that's more of a daytime thing.

A stargazing picnic!

Those are just a few, to start


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Third lunch today with.. Hmmm let's call her "HasHer****Together Girl" or "HHST" for short... was great. Really enjoy talking with her. She's funny and witty and our banter is fun. I think our first "real date" will be this Sunday as she's coming to a fancy brunch with me with 30+ people. Really interested to see how she'll be around some people I know and some people I don't.
> 
> Really can't put my finger on this one. My previous long relationships have had a very different (desperate?) spark to them in the beginning that I'm not necessarily getting here, and I think that's because we're going slower. Clearly my picker was broken in the past and I'm trying to go about new relationships in a different way. This feels like the right tempo for now with having sole custody of D9 and almost no time away to date around.


Good for you


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> The beach is my favorite hangout spot but I'm taking this girl out *at night*.


That's the perfect time. Look for secluded spots, it's relaxing, and not to mention it's chilly with plenty of opportunities to snuggle up... and more if you play your cards right, just don't try to do it on the sand.

Ever


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks FIP. 

You have given me lots to think about. I could take her to seaport area overlooking Brooklyn Bridge. There are bars and restaurants there but you also get to walk around the port and have the water right there. 

Dave and buster could be really fun too. 

I don't think she would like drive in movie. 

RD, 

You crazy man. So not on the sand ever? 

Sounds like you got a story to tell.

Lol


----------



## Lifescript

Does one have to say always where you are going for the date? She's been asking where we going. I'm saying that it's a surprise trying to amp it up but truth is I don't know yet. I think once you reveal where the date will be it loses some of its magic. No?


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> RD,
> 
> You crazy man. So not on the sand ever?
> Sounds like you got a story to tell.
> Lol


Not a story TO tell, trust me lol



> Does one have to say always where you are going for the date? She's been asking where we going. *I'm saying that it's a surprise trying to amp it up but truth is I don't know yet*. I think once you reveal where the date will be it loses some of its magic. No?


Haha I do that too from time to time! It's bad! Especially if you tell her "it's a surprise" and then take her to just some random restaurant lol

Did that to a few dates I didn't really care about 

Using surprises sparingly is best, and best when you know it will surprise her - play your cards sparingly  Otherwise it does lose its magic.

I found the best dates are places that the lady has never been before or never been with a date with before.


----------



## Lifescript

Totally agree RD. It's a much better experience to take them to see something new than a place they've been to possibly with an ex.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

She may be concerned about appropriate attire. Just be honest and say you have a few ideas but nothing firmed up and then you can ask "why, do you have a request/preference?"


----------



## Morcoll

TheGoodGuy said:


> Third lunch today with.. Hmmm let's call her "HasHer****Together Girl" or "HHST" for short... was great. Really enjoy talking with her. She's funny and witty and our banter is fun. I think our first "real date" will be this Sunday as she's coming to a fancy brunch with me with 30+ people. Really interested to see how she'll be around some people I know and some people I don't.
> 
> *Really can't put my finger on this one.* My previous long *relationships* have had a very different (desperate?) spark to them in the beginning that I'm not necessarily getting here, and I think that's because we're going slower. Clearly my picker was broken in the past and I'm trying to go about new *relationships* in a different way. This feels like the right tempo for now with having sole custody of D9 and almost no time away to date around.


You should not even be worried about how this feels right now, or any relationship. Stay out of your head. Give her fun times to remember you by between dates and know you are worthy and have done things the right way. 

I know you are not calling this a relationship, but your focus on that word tells me you are...focused on it. You have met her how many times? Why even label it until she wants to talk about it. 

For now just hang out and have fun.


----------



## Lifescript

EnjoliWoman said:


> She may be concerned about appropriate attire. Just be honest and say you have a few ideas but nothing firmed up and then you can ask "why, do you have a request/preference?"


Yea. She said she wants to know if she has right clothes for the occasion. This girl is very into fashion so she does I'm sure. She also said is ok to tell her if I don't know yet. So I like that she's understanding.


----------



## Lifescript

I got the perfect place. It's a bar in a hotel. The hotel has a library section where people socialize and drink (she loves to read). Also has pictures of animals on the walls (she loves animals). It has a dance floor on second floor and also games like pool, mini golf, etc.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I got the perfect place. It's a bar in a hotel. The hotel has a library section where people socialize and drink (she loves to read). Also has pictures of animals on the walls (she loves animals). It has a dance floor on second floor and also games like pool, mini golf, etc.


Sounds like a fun place!


----------



## RandomDude

Depressed lately, feel lost with nowhere to turn. I wish to reconcile with ex-wife but it's too late for both of us and I can't let go. No one can think of a good approach to reconciliation that won't risk the integrity of our successful divorce and co-parenting arrangements and I'm left in a limbo. *sigh* The string of disappointments with dating has destroyed whatever hope I have to find someone else that even matches ex's integrity. All I'm left with is regret.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Depressed lately, feel lost with nowhere to turn. I wish to reconcile with ex-wife but it's too late for both of us and I can't let go. No one can think of a good approach to reconciliation that won't risk the integrity of our successful divorce and co-parenting arrangements and I'm left in a limbo. *sigh* The string of disappointments with dating has destroyed whatever hope I have to find someone else that even matches ex's integrity. *All I'm left with is regret.*


In what way? I'm sorry I'm not familiar with your divorce story/reason.


----------



## Hoosier

Received a photo via text from my daughter in Floria, of a hand embroidered sweatshirt. I recognized it immediately as the work of my late mother.

Me: grandmas?
D: yep! Mother just sent it to me with some other stuff. She is having a hysterectomy done, and wanted to make sure I got this if she died.

Nope, drama and attention desire still there. The now H used to be OM is having fun I am sure.


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> In what way? I'm sorry I'm not familiar with your divorce story/reason.


Oh, honey, do NOT go down that rabbit hole.
@RandomDude--I luv ya man, but you are moving in the wrong direction. Stop looking backwards and start moving forward.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hoosier said:


> Received a photo via text from my daughter in Floria, of a hand embroidered sweatshirt. I recognized it immediately as the work of my late mother.
> 
> Me: grandmas?
> D: yep! Mother just sent it to me with some other stuff. She is having a hysterectomy done, and wanted to make sure I got this if she died.
> 
> Nope, drama and attention desire still there. The now H used to be OM is having fun I am sure.


But now, you're just a spectator.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Depressed lately, feel lost with nowhere to turn. I wish to reconcile with ex-wife but it's too late for both of us and I can't let go. No one can think of a good approach to reconciliation that won't risk the integrity of our successful divorce and co-parenting arrangements and I'm left in a limbo. *sigh* The string of disappointments with dating has destroyed whatever hope I have to find someone else that even matches ex's integrity. All I'm left with is regret.


----------



## RandomDude

It IS a dead horse yet the only one that was able to fking get me from A to B. Now I'm left with sh-t. The years and pointless fks in all that time have proven it.

Meh fk it, might as well just go pick up, ram, feel sick with myself, and get over my desire for another few weeks. Fk I hate ONSs. But hey, who was the fking idiot that decided to go all emo on ex-GF and then having to ditch her? - ME! Actually come to think of it I have to get over all these inhibitions about "not leading them on" and acting like some self-righteous prick that thinks he's better than a player just because he's been honest about it BAH!

Ah hell fk it, in a sh-t mood, dont take my thoughts seriously

/end vent


----------



## RandomDude

Ah hell you know whats the problem with ex-wife? She was THERE, when I was struggling to fit into legit life, she was always fking THERE for me, she abused the fk out of me and put me through hell whenever she didn't get her way but she stuck with me even up to the fking very end when I kicked her fking fingers off and hell I don't blame her one bit for what I have done. How the FK am I supposed to get over what I've done when all I see since my decision to push the divorce has led me to absolutely nothing but SH-T!

BAH!
/end vent again

*sigh* Nevermind guys, I'll be alright, just need it out


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> Does one have to say always where you are going for the date? She's been asking where we going. I'm saying that it's a surprise trying to amp it up but truth is I don't know yet. I think once you reveal where the date will be it loses some of its magic. No?


It better be real good, after the build up!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ah hell you know whats the problem with ex-wife? She was THERE, when I was struggling to fit into legit life, she was always fking THERE for me, *she abused the fk out of me and put me through hell whenever she didn't get her way* but she stuck with me even up to the fking very end when I kicked her fking fingers off and hell I don't blame her one bit for what I have done. How the FK am I supposed to get over what I've done when all I see since my decision to push the divorce has led me to absolutely nothing but SH-T!
> 
> BAH!
> /end vent again
> 
> *sigh* Nevermind guys, I'll be alright, just need it out


The bolded part above. Remember that part. No matter how great the other parts were, it doesn't make up for the abuse part. She gave you just enough great parts to keep you from leaving earlier.

She's not a special snowflake, you will meet someone else WHO IS MUCH BETTER FOR YOU when you are finally ready to let her go. And finding that person may take some time. Be patient, and persevere.


----------



## Lifescript

I hear you healer.

I told her yesterday were we are going. It's a fancy place in a hotel downtown but yet has stuff for fun like games. I think it's a perfect sport for this next date. 

RD, 

I feel you man. I also felt like my ex was there for me when I needed it. She used to be so happy for me when I was doing progress or making little accomplishments. So it's tough to let go of the guilt. But you know what I changed into someone I wasn't and lost real desire for life and she had a lot to do with it. Not trying to be a victim but the younger me didn't know what the F was going on. 

When you feel like you want to go back think about the bad stuff. I have a long ass list that I did go back to on occassions especially when out drinking I would always be tempted to text her. That list was a good reminder.


----------



## RandomDude

She DID put in an effort to fix things, towards the end she did make alot of changes, sure there were hiccups but I was impatient and too fking proud to go back on my word.

I don't see anyway forward either than continuing to keep fking randoms who mean nothing to me, I feared this even when I was kicking her fingers off. I knew it was going to be hard to find someone with even half her virtues to give a flying fk about but WTF did I have to do?! I fking pushed it anyway and now I'm left surrounded by women in this fked up materialist city that will never be on the same FKING wavelength!

And just when I thought I found someone who can speak the same language that someone just had to turn out to be a vain fking racist b-tch! BAH! You know at this point I wouldn't be fking surprised if ex-wife made a doll outta me and put pricks in it cursing/dooming my love life or some other voodoo crap like that - pffft even if I can ever believe in any of this type of bullsh-t! 
So fking jealous of these pricks with great girls how the fk do they ever find them? Oh wait a second, I found one too, AND FKED IT UP!!! All the success I worked my ass off for years and all it fking did for me is make me into a FKING MEAL TICKET... oh and before that I was nothing but a FKING DILDO because what? I didn't earn enough to be "BF material" and now I'm supposed to be happy that I'm a qualified MEAL TICKET instead?

Fking ex-gf, probably the most cunning out of the whole lot of gold diggers, was so nice, so accommodating, gave as much as she took and waited until I started having feelings and BOOM - "give me a few FKING hundred thousand dollars since we're 'serious' now", FK HER! FK it's not even about the FKING money I didn't want to be tied down to her but nooo.... pffft, trying to cut into my life by insisting on meeting my daughter too. Hell ditching her on V-day was fking low but come to think of it - no remorse.

And even if I was just a meal ticket and dildo to ex-wife too but at least SHE ACTUALLY FKING GAVE A SH-T for a while...

BAH! Maybe I'm just an unlovable piece of sh-t, sure know I sure as hell am one when I'm in this depressed, sorry, pissed off at life state... pffft

 *sigh* Hell I've been holding all this sh-t in for some time now...

/end vent


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> It IS a dead horse yet the only one that was able to fking get me from A to B. Now I'm left with sh-t. The years and pointless fks in all that time have proven it.


You're left with sh*t cuz you don't trust enough in yourself to stand on your own.

Work on your self worth issues and things will fall into place.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Ah hell you know whats the problem with ex-wife? She was THERE, when I was struggling to fit into legit life, she was always fking THERE for me, she abused the fk out of me and put me through hell whenever she didn't get her way but she stuck with me even up to the fking very end when I kicked her fking fingers off and hell I don't blame her one bit for what I have done. How the FK am I supposed to get over what I've done when all I see since my decision to push the divorce has led me to absolutely nothing but SH-T!
> 
> BAH!
> /end vent again
> 
> *sigh* Nevermind guys, I'll be alright, just need it out


Be there for yourself and you won't have to rely on abusers to "be there for you"


----------



## Lifescript

RD, 

I know how you feel man. I haven't found someone yet. This girl I'm going out with has great qualities though. 

I have been out there and seen what's out there and is sure depressing. Girls now a days are like vampires. But not all of them. 

As men, all we can do is work on ourselves and keep pushing ourselves to be better and off the ground so when someone great crosses our path we get noticed. If not they won't even see us. 

I made some changes that are really starting to pay off. People see it. I see it. It takes work. Become one with loneliness. It sucks but it's needed to get through to the other side. 

I'm not recovered completely but I've decided that fvck it. It is what it is and I'm going to give it my best shot. With or without someone. 

If you and your ex are meant to go back together then it will happen but you have to really work on yourself. It's good to want and appreciate people not need them.


----------



## RandomDude

I don't get all this "work on myself" crap, I don't see anything else for me to work on and hell I already fking get noticed way more than enough as it is! When it comes to the women in my city though? What fking quality is there? And those who are decent are married/taken/kids/blah blah you know the score. So many men in my city has turned to importing overseas brides and what not, and then the women here complain about a "man drought" well WTF they expect?!

*sigh* Meh, forget it, it's NEVER going to happen for me until I leave this dump - I was never a big city person anyway, and that won't be for another ten or so years and I'll be FKING 40 by the time my daughter grows up... *sigh* I just have to accept it eventually... BUT HELL whenever I accept it I start feeling all these stupid messed up emotions like depression/loneliness/frustration.

Ah FK it, I should stop complaining and just live within my means - can't find somebody to love, just fk randoms. Who cares, need to get rid of the fairytale out of my mind, some people just aren't destined to live "happily ever after", but at least I should be content with what I DO have. No one spends my money but me, no one tells me what to do or how the fk to make money, I still game like a pro and come to think of it... FK IT, just going to live it up and bury this stupid hope to find someone either than my kid to actually give a flying **** about.

Sex is sex, it means FKING nothing and that's all it will be.


----------



## Lifescript

RD, 

It's clear by your posts man that you have some issues to work through. I think you lack confidence and have a black/White mentality. 

Maybe you made a mistake with the ex gf. Perhaps she was the one. Who knows? You can find yourself there again. And also just know that no one is perfect man. You won't find perfect. As long as the negatives are not deal breakers and the person makes you happy go with it.


----------



## TooNice

RD,
You say you don't understand what else there is for you to work on. I'm sorry to say, but your posts make it seem as though you do have some room for some self love and acceptance. Why are you so completely hell-bent on finding someone-no, the perfect one-RIGHT NOW? Is it really so horrible to just just live your life right now? Do activities you enjoy, spend great quality time with your daughter and nurture that relationship? Why do you HAVE to have someone? 

I've said this before, but it's pretty negative to decide right now that you are doomed to despair and loneliness at your ripe old age. Really, man? You paint a pretty bleak picture for those of us STARTING this game in our 40's. I'd give anything to go back and be starting over 10 years ago. But even so, I love my job, I love my kid, and I have awesome friends. I recently started running, and I have some goals I've set there. I'm dating, and would love to meet a man I can try a relationship with, but my attitude is pretty chill about the whole thing. Most of them aren't working out. But they've all been pretty nice, and I've had some fun. So, it's all good. They're just not the next ONE for me. But he's out there, and I'll keep trying til we find each other. I didn't deserve the crap hand I was dealt. Doesn't me I have to keep looking back at the game. I know I am by far not the only person on here with that attitude. 

RD, love... THAT'S what you still need to work on.


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> I got the perfect place. It's a bar in a hotel. The hotel has a library section where people socialize and drink (she loves to read). Also has pictures of animals on the walls (she loves animals). It has a dance floor on second floor and also games like pool, mini golf, etc.


This sounds perfect!


----------



## Morcoll

RD-- and anyone else still pining for their ex, 

I do not care where you live and what crosses you bear. There are great women everywhere. If anyone is open to the self growth/meeting new women/etc. watch Corey Wayne's videos-- you can tell by the titles which apply most and watch those first-- and then Models by Mark Manson. 

Meanwhile, the world goes on.


----------



## Lifescript

I agree with Too Nice. Running is great. It is good for your health and does something to you. I don't know what is but I started doing it last summer in the park and is great. 

Morcoll's suggestions are great ones. I'm familiar with Corey Waynes videos on YouTube and have also read Manson's blog. There's gold to be found in both.


----------



## TooNice

It's a little corny for some, but I truly believe that we should never stop growing. Life is always giving us lessons, and it's up to us to decide if we become better people as a result. I am choosing that path. I believe that life brings us what we are meant to have, to a certain degree, but we can also be actively searching and open to extra opportunities to come our way. 

Right now, I feel like I am in a big learning phase. Learning how badly I was treated by my ex, without even realizing it. Learning how I deserve to be treated - my my friends, my family, men I date, and myself. If it's not time to meet someone yet, I'm ok with that. But I won't stop trying. ;-) 

And the running thing? Yeah. It's pretty amazing. I've said many times that it's kept me off of meds during the past year. And now that I've joined a few running groups, I'm meeting some really nice people. I even ran into one in my building this morning-found out she works 3 floors below me! 

So, I'm not really sure what my point is-lol! Just sharing some life philosophy, I suppose.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> It's a little corny for some, but I truly believe that we should never stop growing. Life is always giving us lessons, and it's up to us to decide if we become better people as a result. I am choosing that path. I believe that life brings us what we are meant to have, to a certain degree, but we can also be actively searching and open to extra opportunities to come our way.
> 
> Right now, I feel like I am in a big learning phase. Learning how badly I was treated by my ex, without even realizing it. Learning how I deserve to be treated - my my friends, my family, men I date, and myself. If it's not time to meet someone yet, I'm ok with that. But I won't stop trying. ;-)
> 
> And the running thing? Yeah. It's pretty amazing. I've said many times that it's kept me off of meds during the past year. And now that I've joined a few running groups, I'm meeting some really nice people. I even ran into one in my building this morning-found out she works 3 floors below me!
> 
> So, I'm not really sure what my point is-lol! Just sharing some life philosophy, I suppose.


I agree! If you stop learning and stop growing, you stop living and start dying.


----------



## RandomDude

Ha! Pick up books/"artists" are a joke to me and will always be, I have no problems meeting/approaching/ramming, my problem lies in finding someone I actually give a sh-t about!

But FK it, I DO have to stop wanting to find someone worthwhile. Meh... once I get rid of my current dry spell since putting the game on hold I'll be alright - at least until I pull this "I want more than sex" stupidity again.

No matter how many I sleep with I always feel fking empty and lonely because I don't give a sh-t about them nor can I ever trust or confide in them. But hell probably because I don't even give them a fking chance. The thing is, if I stop hoping for something more, I would be much more able to appreciate what's in front of me.

Anyway for folks saying it paints a bleak picture for the rest of you, I don't mean to bring you guys down like that, besides I'm not normal. Chances are this is MY problem and you guys have a high chance of not ending up like me.


----------



## TooNice

I was just trying to offer you some perspective, RD. To help you see that you might be taking this concept of meeting someone a bit too seriously. But reading the rest of your message, I don't think you even take in what others try to tell you. You say that you don't understand what you need to work on, yet you just laid it all out right there. 

Love yourself first, and everything else works out. (Yes, I sound like a hippie. No, I don't care.)

Peace, RD. Just let life happen. Stop trying so hard.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> I don't get all this "work on myself" crap, I don't see anything else for me to work on and hell I already fking get noticed way more than enough as it is! When it comes to the women in my city though? What fking quality is there? And those who are decent are married/taken/kids/blah blah you know the score. So many men in my city has turned to importing overseas brides and what not, and then the women here complain about a "man drought" well WTF they expect?!
> 
> *sigh* Meh, forget it, it's NEVER going to happen for me until I leave this dump - I was never a big city person anyway, and that won't be for another ten or so years and I'll be FKING 40 by the time my daughter grows up... *sigh* I just have to accept it eventually... BUT HELL whenever I accept it I start feeling all these stupid messed up emotions like depression/loneliness/frustration.
> 
> Ah FK it, I should stop complaining and just live within my means - can't find somebody to love, just fk randoms. Who cares, need to get rid of the fairytale out of my mind, some people just aren't destined to live "happily ever after", but at least I should be content with what I DO have. No one spends my money but me, no one tells me what to do or how the fk to make money, I still game like a pro and come to think of it... FK IT, just going to live it up and bury this stupid hope to find someone either than my kid to actually give a flying **** about.
> 
> Sex is sex, it means FKING nothing and that's all it will be.


Well, I'm breaking the promise I made to myself to stop answering your posts because you never listen to us anyway.

You have a LOT to work on.

Your bitterness. Women sense this in you, and the good ones stay the hell away from it.

Your objectification of women. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but this persistent "ramming" terminology of yours is incredibly sexist. It implies that women are just a convenient hole for you to abuse, with no thought to their own comfort. Women sense that, and will stay away. Try abstaining from using that word for a week or four or two thousand. Even "f---ing" would be an improvement.

Your fixation on sex. You go beyond any HD man I've ever met. It will NOT solve all your problems. Your feelings of emptiness and loneliness are not caused by not having a regular sex partner and won't be fixed by finding one. Sex is a distraction to you so you don't have to face your problems.

Blame-shifting. You are unwilling to examine yourself. You don't even see what there is to work on. You never take the advice given here. You'd rather whine about how all the good women are already taken, and your city is full of racist gold-digging b-----s or whatever than look at yourself and figure out why that's the only sort of woman you attract.

You appear functional on the outside, so you attract initial interest, but you are rotten on the inside and the instant your personality gets exposed, the good women flee.

You have internalized the whole bitter unloveable guy identity and until you get help and work to change that, no magical woman is going to appear out of nowhere and change it for you. Especially if you are only looking in bars.

Spend a few years becoming a decent, respectful person who is looking for a woman to add to his already enjoyable life, and not just a warm, moist receptacle for 'ramming,' and THEN start dating again.

/cynic out.


----------



## RandomDude

@TooNice

Wanting someone worthwhile is just a culmination of years of disappointment with dating since seperation. I have been very active, and that just depresses me.

I still don't see how I'm not loving myself just because I know my own weaknesses and mistakes, I won't lie to myself about such things, and on this forum I have no need to keep up a "face" like I have to in RL. As for my insanity it's not something that makes me dysfunctional, but it is something that narrows down the choices I have available for meaningful relationships not just among the opposite sex but friends and family as my mind operates on a wavelength that the majority of people aren't able to tune into.

Anyway it may seem I'm not reading but I am, I just don't see the logic behind any of the advice so far (either than what you said about me wanting to find someone too seriously, which I do agree I have to stop) - no offense of course, and I am thankful for it, but I don't see any solutions. Being honest here.


----------



## RandomDude

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Your bitterness. Women sense this in you, and the good ones stay the hell away from it... You appear functional on the outside, so you attract initial interest, but you are rotten on the inside and the instant your personality gets exposed, the good women flee... You have internalized the whole bitter unloveable guy identity and until you get help and work to change that, no magical woman is going to appear out of nowhere and change it for you. Especially if you are only looking in bars.


I would take this seriously if I actually get ditched, yet I can't take your advice as in almost all cases it's me letting them go. So how does that work?

And me, ONLY picking up in bars? Ha!



> Your objectification of women. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but this persistent "ramming" terminology of yours is incredibly sexist. It implies that women are just a convenient hole for you to abuse, with no thought to their own comfort. Women sense that, and will stay away. Try abstaining from using that word for a week or four or two thousand. Even "f---ing" would be an improvement.


And I don't care if people find "ramming" more offensive than "fking", I find the term better than "fking" and that's that. If people assume I'm being sexist by using the term that's their perogative, they have their right to their assumptions, and if they are offended by it I wouldn't go for them anyway who takes my language so seriously.

If people want to judge me for my speech whatever I don't care, it's my actions I'm more concerned about - none of the women I've been with have ever complained that I didn't care about their satisfaction.

Anyway guys I can't just take any advice that doesn't fit, show me how it fits, show me how your solution works, yes I will correct you when you make errors - how can you expect me not to? Just don't assume I'm not reading.


----------



## TooNice

Loving yourself goes much deeper than acknowledging your faults. It's owning them. Fixing the ones you can, trying to soften the ones you can't, and not tearing yourself down because they are there. You can't just say, "I'm an a$$-it's just who I am and there's nothing I can do about it". 

As for the other thing, I don't feel as though there is much a a distinction between the two words. It's not what you call it, but rather the attitude about it. If I think a man is trying to connect with me, even if we have sex, neither of those words apply. It has nothing to do with whether you can satisfy them...if you are looking for someone to care about and who will care about you, those words and that mentality should not come into play. 

If you are simply looking for the act, then you need to get over the ONS disdain, because that's all you're going to find there.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> I would take this seriously if I actually get ditched, yet I can't take your advice as in almost all cases it's me letting them go. So how does that work?


The quality women aren't even getting close enough to you for any ditching. They just aren't interested in you to begin with.




RandomDude said:


> And I don't care if people find "ramming" more offensive than "fking", I find the term better than "fking" and that's that. If people assume I'm being sexist by using the term that's their perogative, they have their right to their assumptions, and if they are offended by it I wouldn't go for them anyway who takes my language so seriously. If people want to judge me for my speech whatever I don't care, it's my actions I'm more concerned about - none of the women I've been with have ever complained that I didn't care about their satisfaction.


It's not the word itself, it's the attitude behind your use of the word. Sure, none of the women you've been with complained, but you aren't finding women that want you long term, are you? Those women are turned off by your attitude before they even get to find out your skill.



RandomDude said:


> Anyway guys I can't just take any advice that doesn't fit, show me how it fits, show me how your solution works, yes I will correct you when you make errors - how can you expect me not to? Just don't assume I'm not reading.


Your attitude of bitterness, cynicism, disrespect and sexual fixation permeate the air around you. Women who feel they can use you, either for a ONS or your money, stick around, and the women of quality you really want are turned off by this aura you project without realizing it and never give you a chance.

I bet you make a great wingman because you seem like you'd make any other guy look decent in comparison, while you end up with the women who don't care because they only want to get laid or benefit from your income as long as they can get away with it.

You can't find the good women because you are waving red flags that you have a bad attitude. Then when we try to help, you get defensive and give us attitude.

I should go back to shutting up.

Time to resume the chatter about funny OLD stories or something!


----------



## BlueWoman

Lifescript said:


> Question for the ladies and guys offer suggestions too if you can.
> 
> Ladies, other than the usual bar or restaurant outing what are some places a date has taken you to that you have enjoyed? I'm thinking more on the romantic side.
> 
> Guys,
> 
> Where do you take them after you have already done bars/restaurants to keep it fresh?


One of the best dates I ever went on was to an amusement park. It was a total surprise and I loved it. 



RandomDude said:


> It IS a dead horse yet the only one that was able to fking get me from A to B. Now I'm left with sh-t. The years and pointless fks in all that time have proven it.
> 
> Meh fk it, might as well just go pick up, ram, feel sick with myself, and get over my desire for another few weeks. Fk I hate ONSs. But hey, who was the fking idiot that decided to go all emo on ex-GF and then having to ditch her? - ME! Actually come to think of it I have to get over all these inhibitions about "not leading them on" and acting like some self-righteous prick that thinks he's better than a player just because he's been honest about it BAH!
> 
> Ah hell fk it, in a sh-t mood, dont take my thoughts seriously
> 
> /end vent





RandomDude said:


> I don't get all this "work on myself" crap, I don't see anything else for me to work on and hell I already fking get noticed way more than enough as it is! When it comes to the women in my city though? What fking quality is there? And those who are decent are married/taken/kids/blah blah you know the score. So many men in my city has turned to importing overseas brides and what not, and then the women here complain about a "man drought" well WTF they expect?!
> 
> *sigh* Meh, forget it, it's NEVER going to happen for me until I leave this dump - I was never a big city person anyway, and that won't be for another ten or so years and I'll be FKING 40 by the time my daughter grows up... *sigh* I just have to accept it eventually... BUT HELL whenever I accept it I start feeling all these stupid messed up emotions like depression/loneliness/frustration.
> 
> Ah FK it, I should stop complaining and just live within my means - can't find somebody to love, just fk randoms. Who cares, need to get rid of the fairytale out of my mind, some people just aren't destined to live "happily ever after", but at least I should be content with what I DO have. No one spends my money but me, no one tells me what to do or how the fk to make money, I still game like a pro and come to think of it... FK IT, just going to live it up and bury this stupid hope to find someone either than my kid to actually give a flying **** about.
> 
> Sex is sex, it means FKING nothing and that's all it will be.


RD, you are mess. Here's a thought. If random ONS leave you depressed, stop having them. You won't explode if you go a week without an orgasm. I promise. 




Hopeful Cynic said:


> Well, I'm breaking the promise I made to myself to stop answering your posts because you never listen to us anyway.
> 
> You have a LOT to work on.
> 
> Your bitterness. Women sense this in you, and the good ones stay the hell away from it.
> 
> Your objectification of women. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but this persistent "ramming" terminology of yours is incredibly sexist. It implies that women are just a convenient hole for you to abuse, with no thought to their own comfort. Women sense that, and will stay away. Try abstaining from using that word for a week or four or two thousand. Even "f---ing" would be an improvement.
> 
> Your fixation on sex. You go beyond any HD man I've ever met. It will NOT solve all your problems. Your feelings of emptiness and loneliness are not caused by not having a regular sex partner and won't be fixed by finding one. Sex is a distraction to you so you don't have to face your problems.
> 
> Blame-shifting. You are unwilling to examine yourself. You don't even see what there is to work on. You never take the advice given here. You'd rather whine about how all the good women are already taken, and your city is full of racist gold-digging b-----s or whatever than look at yourself and figure out why that's the only sort of woman you attract.
> 
> You appear functional on the outside, so you attract initial interest, but you are rotten on the inside and the instant your personality gets exposed, the good women flee.
> 
> You have internalized the whole bitter unloveable guy identity and until you get help and work to change that, no magical woman is going to appear out of nowhere and change it for you. Especially if you are only looking in bars.
> 
> Spend a few years becoming a decent, respectful person who is looking for a woman to add to his already enjoyable life, and not just a warm, moist receptacle for 'ramming,' and THEN start dating again.
> 
> /cynic out.





RandomDude said:


> I would take this seriously if I actually get ditched, yet I can't take your advice as in almost all cases it's me letting them go. So how does that work?
> 
> And me, ONLY picking up in bars? Ha!
> 
> And I don't care if people find "ramming" more offensive than "fking", I find the term better than "fking" and that's that. If people assume I'm being sexist by using the term that's their perogative, they have their right to their assumptions, and if they are offended by it I wouldn't go for them anyway who takes my language so seriously.
> 
> If people want to judge me for my speech whatever I don't care, it's my actions I'm more concerned about - none of the women I've been with have ever complained that I didn't care about their satisfaction.
> 
> Anyway guys I can't just take any advice that doesn't fit, show me how it fits, show me how your solution works, yes I will correct you when you make errors - how can you expect me not to? Just don't assume I'm not reading.


I think you completely missed the boat on this one. You complain that you can't find quality women, but say you don't care if people judge you by your word choice. Quality women will judge you. It's that simple. If you don't care that they judge and then reject then fine, settle for the trash you're finding and quit complaining. But good looks isn't a enough for a quality woman. In fact most decent women I know consider looks to be secondary if not tertiary. We all have different criteria, but it generally revolves around personality, stability, and ambition. If the guy looks good too, well that an extra bonus. But for me, I get that we don't get prettier with age. So I want somebody who is amazing to talk to and makes me feel good. Looks aren't going to last. 

Anyway, I just read the book He's Scared, She's Scared You should really read it, RD. You read like a classic commitmentphobe. You probably don't think you are. But seriously, some of those case studies read just like your posts.
So when people say you should work on yourself, reading that book might be a good start.


----------



## BlueWoman

So my last online dating experience went well. And I think I now have a boyfriend. He's a nice guy and the sex is amazing. Still, emotionally I'm taking it slow. I was talking to a friend about an event that is happening in a month. And we were discussing if my bf would be there. And I pointed out that while I really like this guy, we are only in the beginning stages. There could be things that I discover later that I find intolerable. I don't want that to happen. But I plan on being smart. 

In the meantime...I have sort of made peace with my ex. I had to deal with him over a banking issue and I realized I am just not that upset with him. BF or not, I am in a much happier place now, and I could have never gotten there if he hadn't left. The sad thing is that I don't think he's in a happier place. Leaving me, didn't actually fix any of his issues. And he distracted him self with the OW who is a mess herself. And now he's miserable. I almost feel bad for him. Almost. 

Anyway, as I told my best friend, I still think he's an idiot, and I don't want to be his friend. But I don't hate him anymore. I am still pissed about the cheating. But only on principle. It doesn't actually have an emotional charge.


----------



## FeministInPink

Sounds all good, BlueWoman


----------



## Lifescript

Blue Woman, 

The ex is not your problem. Let him lie in the bed he made. Be happy.


----------



## moxy

I met a guy online who seemed nice. Then, he asked me if I'd be his mommy-domme, dress him up as a girl, and peg him. I had to look up some of that stuff to be sure it was what it sounded like. He seems like a sweet person, and he's handsome, but...it wasn't quite what I had in mind when I acknowledged to myself that my bioclock is ticking and my lust is distractingly agile. Even the ones that start out talking about dating and relationships turn things into something unexpected. I appreciate that he finds me attractive, and also that he seems to be seeking some maternal approval or some depth of emotional drama, but I don't think that's where my heart is at the moment, and because I am still grieving, I don't think I have the generosity of spirit to give this poor man what he's seeking. Sigh. My life is strange. People either assume I'm very uptight or very kinky; I have no idea why, but I've been told I "have that look about [me]." 😳


----------



## RandomDude

BlueWoman said:


> RD, you are mess. Here's a thought. If random ONS leave you depressed, stop having them. You won't explode if you go a week without an orgasm. I promise.


Actually, dry spells make me depressed, ONSs make me sick, but gets me over things and numbs the depression. I put the game on hold and decided to self-reflect abit after poker face but seems it just leads me to depression. It's been a few weeks already. I know that's not long.



> I think you completely missed the boat on this one. You complain that you can't find quality women, but say you don't care if people judge you by your word choice. Quality women will judge you. It's that simple. If you don't care that they judge and then reject then fine, settle for the trash you're finding and quit complaining.


Well, guess my standards for quality and others is different. I don't like those who judge me on the surface. 

And anyway I don't exactly go up to a date's face and going "I wanna ram" or some such. I choose my words carefully depending on the type of woman I'm dating, not one to offend them unless they piss me off.



> Anyway, I just read the book He's Scared, She's Scared You should really read it, RD. You read like a classic commitmentphobe. You probably don't think you are. But seriously, some of those case studies read just like your posts.
> So when people say you should work on yourself, reading that book might be a good start.


Well, at least this is something, I am a commitment phobe.



Hopeful Cynic said:


> The quality women aren't even getting close enough to you for any ditching. They just aren't interested in you to begin with.


They must be using cloaking devices then.



> It's not the word itself, it's the attitude behind your use of the word. Sure, none of the women you've been with complained, but you aren't finding women that want you long term, are you? Those women are turned off by your attitude before they even get to find out your skill.
> 
> Your attitude of bitterness, cynicism, disrespect and sexual fixation permeate the air around you. Women who feel they can use you, either for a ONS or your money, stick around, and the women of quality you really want are turned off by this aura you project without realizing it and never give you a chance.


Would be nice to actually meet one of these apparent quality woman and then get dumped for the reasons you described. Will give me some motivation to fix myself at least.

The only time I was getting rejected more often was last year when I was playing my "anti-materialism" game, saying I don't have a degree and work a part-time job, which are half-truths. But I can't tell if it was because I portrayed myself as a unsuccessful man that I got rejected or something else.

Well, either than ex-wife giving me the cold shoulder, even then I can't tell if it's because I suck or if she's just moved on. Hmmm...



> You can't find the good women because you are waving red flags that you have a bad attitude. Then when we try to help, you get defensive and give us attitude.


Hmmm, either than how I vent on this forum whenever I get on a sh-t mood, what red flags? Either than my language and your perception of my attitute?

I do know that when I'm in this sh-t mood I'm not exactly at my best, but it's not how I am when I do go out to meet women. I do agree that this negativity is bad however and I can't always hide it.



TooNice said:


> Loving yourself goes much deeper than acknowledging your faults. It's owning them. Fixing the ones you can, trying to soften the ones you can't, and not tearing yourself down because they are there. You can't just say, "I'm an a$$-it's just who I am and there's nothing I can do about it".
> 
> As for the other thing, I don't feel as though there is much a a distinction between the two words. It's not what you call it, but rather the attitude about it. If I think a man is trying to connect with me, even if we have sex, neither of those words apply. It has nothing to do with whether you can satisfy them...if you are looking for someone to care about and who will care about you, those words and that mentality should not come into play.
> 
> If you are simply looking for the act, then you need to get over the ONS disdain, because that's all you're going to find there.


I can swear like I just got out of jail or I can act sophisticated whenever I want. This is why criticism of my language or my attitude posting here on this forum isn't striking me as hard as it probably should. It depends on my mood/how I want to act.

Still my posts do represent my thoughts, and if my thoughts come out in my aura... then alright. With all these disappointments though I'm not exactly encouraged to be at my best anymore.

Well I don't know, even if I'm to work on myself to keep myself at my best instead of my negative self, I can't help my feelings and the thoughts that come when I get disappointed. I can work on my thoughts perhaps, but I lack the motivation to do so, like hell I can't even find a decent woman of quality let alone get ditched by her.

So psychologically I'm letting myself go - letting myself be unattractive and bitter/angry with life, because I feel there's no point in keeping myself at my best any longer. Like I get the thoughts "why should I remain positive? it's not like that there's any decent women around, all I have is trash, so who cares, I don't need to be quality when I go with trash" etc

For some time I counter-argued with myself with the thought "keep yourself at your best, because you don't know what's around the corner, the last thing you want is to finally find someone worthwhile and not even be ready for her", which kept me positive, but now... hell I dunno

How to just make myself positive? Either than letting the bad times pass and numbing my depression? There is still one person that always brings out the best in me and puts bounces in my step, and that's my daughter, but I don't have her with me every day.


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway, if this is what this is all about - my attitude, well:

During the early years of marriage I worked in sales and I found a loss in attitude affected my performance, when I had a great attitude I was a top performer, easily earning $2-3K a week in commission, when I "neg out" however, I was lucky to even make a sale - some weeks I negged out so much I brought home only a few hundred bucks from that job (but was lucky to have another that provided a consistent income for my family). Now sure, guess this is the same in the dating game when it comes to attitude,

I also learnt that if you pick apart the word "Attitude" according to the numerical order of it's letters, it equals 100 - exactly. A very strange coincidence, but the message is clear = a good attitude means 100%, a bad attitute, good luck!

For years I kept a positive attitude when I did date, I know that I did, even if some of you guys choose not to believe that.

Enough that I even get my hopes up - and feel like sh-t whenever I get disappointed - most recent being poker face. I even lied to myself with ex-GF, looking at her positive sides instead of the negative, telling myself and treating her like a quality woman. Nope, I had to let her go 2 days from V-day lest I led her on any further.

But whatever, I can use all the mental training I had learnt in sales - push on, there's the law of averages - sooner or later I'll make a good sale/find someone worthwhile yes? Everyone has their limits. I've reached mine. (Honestly that was a tough job, I'm glad I no longer have to do it anymore)

Meh, I just don't see the point anymore. I've lost all faith. By keeping up this attitude I'm also keeping my hopes up, my desires for something better, by dropping it entirely, I'll stop complaining. Isn't that what I should do - stop complaining and just be happy with what I have? Even better if I drop this attitude I can go full player and don't give a sh-t no more about a code of integrity. Reduce myself to scum and rid myself of my own self-righteousness and I'll stop whining like a spoiled brat.

*sigh* Only thing stopping me from going full player is the example I have to set for my daughter... BAH!


----------



## Morcoll

RandomDude said:


> Ha! Pick up books/"artists" are a joke to me and will always be, I have no problems meeting/approaching/ramming, my problem lies in finding someone I actually give a sh-t about!
> 
> But FK it, I DO have to stop wanting to find someone worthwhile. Meh... once I get rid of my current dry spell since putting the game on hold I'll be alright - at least until I pull this "I want more than sex" stupidity again.
> 
> No matter how many I sleep with I always feel fking empty and lonely because I don't give a sh-t about them nor can I ever trust or confide in them. But hell probably because I don't even give them a fking chance. The thing is, if I stop hoping for something more, I would be much more able to appreciate what's in front of me.
> 
> Anyway for folks saying it paints a bleak picture for the rest of you, I don't mean to bring you guys down like that, besides I'm not normal. Chances are this is MY problem and you guys have a high chance of not ending up like me.



Corey Wayne is a life coach, and, friend, you NEED a life coach.


----------



## unsure78

RD,

I get that you coming here is a vent, that the anonymity allows you to be free and say anything and everything that enters your racing mind. I get that I somewhat work that way as well, but you seem to always go around in circles, never advancing. 

Has your therapist actually ever diagnosed you with something, like depression or bipolar or anxiety or whatever?

Also I'm curious, list for me what a quality woman is in your eyes?


----------



## RandomDude

Morcoll said:


> Corey Wayne is a life coach, and, friend, you NEED a life coach.


Sheez, now I'm starting to see myself like some stereotypical dude who hits it big yet surrounds himself with life coaches to help with his miserable life.



unsure78 said:


> RD,
> 
> I get that you coming here is a vent, that the anonymity allows you to be free and say anything and everything that enters your racing mind. I get that I somewhat work that way as well, but you seem to always go around in circles, never advancing.
> 
> Has your therapist actually ever diagnosed you with something, like depression or bipolar or anxiety or whatever?
> 
> Also I'm curious, list for me what a quality woman is in your eyes?


Exactly, and yes I've been in circles, I know I'm lost and lost my sense of direction.

My IC reckons I'm stable mentally, though in the past in my youth I was diagnosed by the brain police for PTSD, ASPD including sociopathy and what not. That was a bad time in my life however, and I've changed since then - mostly. My IC doesn't believe in those labels for me though, probably because I'm no longer at my worst.

As for a quality woman, I have my own unique criteria which probably just makes it harder, like sure you can throw in all the usual virtues like honesty, integrity, and what not. Trust is very imporant, not whether I trust them or not - but what I trust them to do. Ex-wife as it turns out, just has to be the only PERSON I seem to be able to trust.

Do I give others the opportunity to earn my 'trust'? Sure, not just in dealings with me, but dealings with others. In fact, there was one date last year who told me of her ex and I couldn't stand how one-sided she was. So she earned my 'trust' sure - my trust that she was too narrow-minded to see both sides of her own story. I'm picky as fk like that.

I watch closely with a sharp eye for details, helps me get a handle of who I'm dealing with. I did not like what I see. Then it comes the wavelength...

But first of course you get the materialism debate too, but I've complained about that enough. But wavelength?

One thing ex-wife and I had in common was that we were both stupid youths and did things we were not proud of. We never judged each other, so we confided everything. Yet we are not the people we were anymore, so we had nothing in common with those still in the scene. 

This in particular narrows out alot of options, one of several problems with ex-GF though with no fault of hers - why I couldn't open up to her. I knew from her judgements that she will never look at me the same way if she knew the type of person I was, even if she tries her damnest to be open-minded.

Now ok, I can compromise... I tried. I just end up thinking about what ex-wife and I had prior to our squabbles, and then I get depressed, and find myself on this forum venting like a madman and having random folks take chunks out of me. But hey, better out in a little corner of the internet than out in RL.


----------



## Morcoll

you seem like you need a lot of direction, and frankly, not happy at all. I would not scoff at the idea of a life coach if I were you. Actually a good one is helpful to pretty much anyone.


----------



## Lifescript

Ladies, 

What do you advice I do here?

I'm taking her out tonight and it'd going to be fun. I'm in so much trouble with this girl. As days pass I see more and more stuff I like about her. She is even more interested it seems in me that I thought. 

She texts me today that she's having a very hard day at work. I give her a call and we talk for a bit. She vents a bit and then we hang up. She says thanks for listening blah blah blah. As soon as I hanged up I thought maybe I should get her flowers. I'm a hopeless romantic. Always been. But it feels like this is too soon. I would like to do it as a way of showing I care and because I think she would like that but I'm thinking I shouldn't because it will make me look desperate and like I'm too much into her. 

What do you ladies think? How Would You SEE a gesture like this. I saw her last Friday. Then we met up Wednesday downtown very quickly. And going out tonight. We've been texting like crazy. She texts me first in the morning. 

Maybe it's too soon. 

I see guys being too nice get burned. 

Or I should just make sure we have lots of fun tonight and let that be my gift/relief for her having a bad day.


----------



## RandomDude

@Morcoll

I simply have to deal with the consequences of my actions, I divorced a woman with issues sure, but aside from that, we were a solid match. It was love. Nothing will ever compare to it. Hoping for the same or better is just unrealistic, but I can't settle if I'm going to open up my life and wallet to someone, it's all or nothing for me, which is a problem in itself. Have to learn to be happy with what I have and what I can get, but then there comes the moral standards I have to uphold for my daughter, so there comes my code. And my code, has problems in itself, it gets me to take responsibility for other people's assumptions, if I get a feeling I'm leading someone on, I let them go. Question is why? Been denying myself the lifestyle others in my shoes are living in.

All for what? So my daughter won't be ashamed that her dad's a playboy? Hell sooner or later ex-wife and I are going to break it to her that mum and dad was once a hooker and a crim. We can't hide it from her, not for her entire life. She'll hate us regardless, well she'll hate me at least, not sure if ex will ever reveal her past to our daughter. All we can do is love her even though we know she will break our hearts, well that's my plan anyway, dont know about ex. Can only do so much to be an example to her, but in the end, she will have to eventually come to realise in adulthood that we are adults and will still have to do what I have to do.

Bah! Nevermind, I'll live, life goes on, and in the end who cares, I gotta harden the fk up. Anyway let it drop, I don't want to end up taking 2 pages of this thread with my stupid problems.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> . As soon as I hanged up I thought maybe I should get her flowers. I'm a hopeless romantic. Always been. But it feels like this is too soon. I would like to do it as a way of showing I care and because I think she would like that but I'm thinking I shouldn't because it will make me look desperate and like I'm too much into her.
> 
> What do you ladies think? How Would You SEE a gesture like this. I saw her last Friday. Then we met up Wednesday downtown very quickly. And going out tonight. We've been texting like crazy. She texts me first in the morning.
> 
> Maybe it's too soon.
> 
> I see guys being too nice get burned.
> 
> Or I should just make sure we have lots of fun tonight and let that be my gift/relief for her having a bad day.


NO, no flowers! Its a nice thought, but too much, too soon. I personally would be put off by it. So my advice is yes, let a fun night out with you be your gift for her bad day.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> I give her a call and we talk for a bit. She vents a bit and then we hang up. She says thanks for listening blah blah blah. As soon as I hanged up I thought maybe I should get her flowers. I'm a hopeless romantic. Always been. But it feels like this is too soon. I would like to do it as a way of showing I care and because I think she would like that but I'm thinking I shouldn't because it will make me look desperate and like I'm too much into her.


*cringes*

I'm not a lady but WHAT THE FK?! How long have you known this woman?!



> Or I should just make sure we have lots of fun tonight and let that be my gift/relief for her having a bad day.


This, stick to this. I know you're looking for female feedback but just my two cents.


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks RD. That's what I'm thinking that it's too freakin soon. I got to slow down. Lol


----------



## TooNice

All I'm going to say is that the Law of Attraction is a very real thing, and The Secret was not that revealing for me when it came out.

Positivity attracts positivity. When we believe we won't ever have anything good happen, we won't. 

It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. 



And yes, @Lifescript - it's too soon. TERRIBLY sweet and romantic, but too soon.


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks Too Nice. That's what I thought.


----------



## Morcoll

Lifescript said:


> Ladies,
> 
> What do you advice I do here?
> 
> I'm taking her out tonight and it'd going to be fun. I'm in so much trouble with this girl. As days pass I see more and more stuff I like about her. She is even more interested it seems in me that I thought.
> 
> She texts me today that she's having a very hard day at work. I give her a call and we talk for a bit. She vents a bit and then we hang up. She says thanks for listening blah blah blah. As soon as I hanged up I thought maybe I should get her flowers. I'm a hopeless romantic. Always been. But it feels like this is too soon. I would like to do it as a way of showing I care and because I think she would like that but I'm thinking I shouldn't because it will make me look desperate and like I'm too much into her.
> 
> What do you ladies think? How Would You SEE a gesture like this. I saw her last Friday. Then we met up Wednesday downtown very quickly. And going out tonight. We've been texting like crazy. She texts me first in the morning.
> 
> Maybe it's too soon.
> 
> I see guys being too nice get burned.
> 
> Or I should just make sure we have lots of fun tonight and let that be my gift/relief for her having a bad day.


You call it 'getting burned', but she will INVOLUNTARILY be turned off by you if you are trying to lock her down into a relationship already, sending flowers WAY too much. You need to focus only on having fun when you are with her. 

And the texting thing, be careful with it..... people are excited at first but that quickly goes away when there is nothing left to know, and without realizing it you have talked her out of liking you. Im guilty of this behavior. 

Seriously, watch Corey Wayne's videos. Please.


----------



## Lifescript

Morcoll said:


> You call it 'getting burned', but she will INVOLUNTARILY be turned off by you if you are trying to lock her down into a relationship already, sending flowers WAY too much. You need to focus only on having fun when you are with her.
> 
> And the texting thing, be careful with it..... people are excited at first but that quickly goes away when there is nothing left to know, and without realizing it you have talked her out of liking you. Im guilty of this behavior.
> 
> Seriously, watch Corey Wayne's videos. Please.


I have watched his videos Morcoll. That's why I hesitated about getting her flowers. I know about showing too much eagerness milling attraction and also that texting too much kills attraction. She texts me a lot. I sometimes take a long time to respond but also don't want to make her feel like I'm ignoring her. 

But thanks. The flowers will stay un bought tonight.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I have watched his videos Morcoll. That's why I hesitated about getting her flowers. I know about showing too much eagerness milling attraction and also that *texting too much kills attraction*. She texts me a lot. I sometimes take a long time to respond but also don't want to make her feel like I'm ignoring her.
> 
> But thanks. The flowers will stay un bought tonight.


These kind of rules... SMH. I think it depends on the individual. If I really like a guy, if I think we clicked, a lot of texting won't necessarily kill the attraction. BUT it is hard to maintain over the long-term, so moderation may be for the best.

The same thing about the flowers... If you picked up, say an $8 bouquet from the grocery store, that could be sweet. But a $50 arrangement from a florist would be way over the top. Again, it all depends on the woman--and you don't know her well enough to know how she would respond, so it's best to err on the side of caution and not get the flowers. Several dates down the line, or when you've agreed to be exclusive, if she has a bad day again, then flowers would definitely be in order.


----------



## RandomDude

Just be careful with these pick up artists bro, never compromise who you are when it gets to the point it no longer brings out the "better you" but "another you"

As for the texting, nothing wrong with playing ball -> now if you are texting her 10 msgs a day and only recieving 1 - then well we have a problem. But that's not happening is it? Don't ignore her out of fear of "killing attraction" or whatever.

MEM made a thread called "thermostat", and it's a good one. Try and get a handle of the type of woman she is, and you'll be more confident in how to approach her
@TooNice

I agree with your post, and I know I'm driving straight into the dumpster. I have my reasons and that's all.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Ladies,
> 
> What do you advice I do here?
> 
> I'm taking her out tonight and it'd going to be fun. I'm in so much trouble with this girl. As days pass I see more and more stuff I like about her. She is even more interested it seems in me that I thought.
> 
> She texts me today that she's having a very hard day at work. I give her a call and we talk for a bit. She vents a bit and then we hang up. She says thanks for listening blah blah blah. As soon as I hanged up I thought maybe I should get her flowers. I'm a hopeless romantic. Always been. But it feels like this is too soon. I would like to do it as a way of showing I care and because I think she would like that but I'm thinking I shouldn't because it will make me look desperate and like I'm too much into her.
> 
> What do you ladies think? How Would You SEE a gesture like this. I saw her last Friday. Then we met up Wednesday downtown very quickly. And going out tonight. We've been texting like crazy. She texts me first in the morning.
> 
> Maybe it's too soon.
> 
> I see guys being too nice get burned.
> 
> Or I should just make sure we have lots of fun tonight and let that be my gift/relief for her having a bad day.


Take her out tonight and treat her well. This happened to me on a recent date. I had a horrible day and almost cancelled because I didnt want to be mean on the date. But I went and we had a wonderful time and it was great after a bad day. Leave the flowers for a future time as a surprise!!


----------



## Morcoll

I would definitely not ignore her if she is reaching out to you, and this is an issue I have too as I have been casually dating a girl about 2 months or so, but those back and forth conversations via text that kinda peter out-- ok with your friends but when the topic dies down, I think that is where the 'text kills attraction' thing comes from. So much better to talk in person when you don't know someone that well. 

But no don't 'hold off' on replying just for the sake of holding off. 

And flowers, now? Plenty of women would be scared off. She may just want to be having fun and getting to know you, then flowers and its like, 'this guy wants a commitment now' type thing. I guess some might like it but I wouldn't risk it if you want to keep getting to know her.


----------



## bkyln309

And with the texting: dont ignore the texts. You dont have to text 30 times a day but the playing hard to get is just a game. I personally dont like a man who plays games. If you have something to text or say, text it. If not, do not. I try to carry on adult relationships. And if a man doesnt text me back after a couple of days, I thin he is not interested.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> And with the texting: dont ignore the texts. You dont have to text 30 times a day but the playing hard to get is just a game. I personally dont like a man who plays games. If you have something to text or say, text it. If not, do not. I try to carry on adult relationships. *And if a man doesnt text me back after a couple of days, I think he is not interested.*


:iagree:

And if I don't get a response to a text that I sent, I might send a follow up, but I'm not going to chase a guy down. If he tries to play games, well I take my ball and go home.


----------



## RandomDude

Had an argument with ex today, so much for over-praising her on this thread. Apparently she's been getting complaints that my daughter is 'bullying' someone at school, ex told me it's been going on for a while and she 'bullies' at church as well. Ex reckons I'm encouraging her... that our daughter has to learn "empathy"... etc etc... pfft I've never been good at disciplining her not to mention I find the whole damn thing amusing how she has her little 'gangs' both at school and at church - besides other parents need to teach their kids to harden the fk up. It's not like she's beating kids up. I've seen some of the kids at her church, they cry over the slightest tease or joke and act like sore losers. It's not like she has 2 sides to her, despite what ex keeps telling me.

Seriously ex has her most days of the week and she still fails to understand my daughter (heck and she even tells me 'you don't know her' WTF), well then again it's probably all about her 'reputation' probably, wants to keep up 'face', even if it means turning against her own child. Daughter is begging me to go to church with her tomorrow, obviously she wants me to have her back. Now would a bully invite me to where she bullies other kids if she really was a bully? *sigh* Two sides my ass.

I don't want to hear sh-t from ex that "she's the better parent" just because she has more time with her, fk I still remember her kicking me off the bed 2AM at night while our daughter was a babe whenever she was crying and I attended to her no fking complaints even though if I was working 84 hours a week and needed the sleep while she wasn't working at all. Or hell that time when ex was throwing her fit and daughter came out crying and she still wouldn't stop.

Bah anyway...
/end vent


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Had an argument with ex today, so much for over-praising her on this thread. Apparently she's been getting complaints that my daughter is 'bullying' someone at school, ex told me it's been going on for a while and she 'bullies' at church as well. Ex reckons I'm encouraging her... that our daughter has to learn "empathy"... etc etc... *pfft I've never been good at disciplining her not to mention I find the whole damn thing amusing how she has her little 'gangs' both at school and at church* - *besides other parents need to teach their kids to harden the fk up. It's not like she's beating kids up. I've seen some of the kids at her church, they cry over the slightest tease or joke and act like sore losers. It's not like she has 2 sides to her*, despite what ex keeps telling me.
> 
> Seriously ex has her most days of the week and she still fails to understand my daughter (heck and she even tells me 'you don't know her' WTF), well then again it's probably all about her 'reputation' probably, wants to keep up 'face', even if it means turning against her own child. *Daughter is begging me to go to church with her tomorrow, obviously she wants me to have her back. Now would a bully invite me to where she bullies other kids if she really was a bully? *sigh* Two sides my ass.*
> 
> I don't want to hear sh-t from ex that "she's the better parent" just because she has more time with her, fk I still remember her kicking me off the bed 2AM at night while our daughter was a babe whenever she was crying and I attended to her no fking complaints even though if I was working 84 hours a week and needed the sleep while she wasn't working at all. Or hell that time when ex was throwing her fit and daughter came out crying and she still wouldn't stop.
> 
> Bah anyway...
> /end vent


Wow. You've never been good at disciplining your daughter and the other parents need to do a better job at toughening their kids up? It's not your responsibility to be a parent to your daughter, it's others responsibilities to parent their children according to yours. How dare your ex wife shine a light on a weakness of yours.

Oh buddy, by the way, I woke up many a night to feed my kids for a woman who turned out to be ungrateful for the acts of kindness I once did for her. Wanna know a secret? That's in the past, it no longer holds ground when it comes to co-parenting in the present.

Absolutely love how you have a thread in the Reconciliation section and you're also on a Singles Thread. Speaks volumes to your mindset. 

I'm aware you'll fly off the handle at this again, which is fine. Have at it. For the sake of your daughter, I really hope you get your emotional sh!t together because it's a mess and if you love your daughter as much as you say you do, you'd re-evaluate the way you handle yourself.

P.S. Of course your daughter would ask for the parent who "isn't good at disciplining" to attend an event / occasion where they're having problems. You're an enabler to it. People (adult or child) seek out enablers when they're lacking the proper training and conditioning.

Have you learned anything in the past couple years? Other than where your tempter on and off switch is.


----------



## Lifescript

The date went really well. I like her more and more as I get to know her. Not getting the flowers was a good move. It was too soon. We had a lot of fun.

She told me that she likes that I'm like no other guy she knows I'm that I'm loyal and don't go against my value. My God, when she said that I felt like she was seeing through me. Like she sees me. Makes sense?

I have to slow down. We are like teenagers right now falling but I don't want to get hurt. It sure is fun though.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> The date went really well. I like her more and more as I get to know her. Not getting the flowers was a good move. It was too soon. We had a lot of fun.
> 
> She told me that she likes that I'm like no other guy she knows I'm that I'm loyal and don't go against my value. My God, when she said that I felt like she was seeing through me. Like she sees me. Makes sense?
> 
> I have to slow down. We are like teenagers right now falling but I don't want to get hurt. It sure is fun though.


Script. I'm going to be frank with you. There's a very high probability that this will fizzle out in a month and if it by chance makes it past a month ... give it another three or so. I'd say five max.

Now. Take that gut wrenching feeling you just got from reading that, the sense of dread, loneliness and toss it out the fvckin window! There's ALWAYS a chance things will end and you will get hurt in some way shape or form. With pain comes gain. Have your boundaries and keep to them, evaluate them as you go along and adjust to what YOU are and aren't okay with.

The whole 'seeing right through me' is how it feels to meet someone who actually SEES who you are for what you are. There will be many out there that will see you for who you really are, if you meet one, enjoy it. Take it slow, make sure you're keeping up on your own personal life that has nothing to do with her.

You're doing great. My only advice to you is to recognize the Fixer / Rescuer that triggered with the flowers. That should be a red flag to you about yourself. It's a part of who you are and I don't think it will ever change, which is why it's important to accept that but control it as well.


----------



## Lifescript

Yes. Exactly. I saw it. Me wanting to buy those flowers was the old script the fixer wanting to come out. 

Chances are it will fizzle out. The experience is teaching me valuable lessons and I'm having fun. There's no two women alike. They are different. We often generalize too much and is not true. 

I'm in a good state. I don't need anyone. But sure want someone. But I'm ok and happy by myself. So it's a win win.


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> Wow. You've never been good at disciplining your daughter and the other parents need to do a better job at toughening their kids up? It's not your responsibility to be a parent to your daughter, it's others responsibilities to parent their children according to yours. How dare your ex wife shine a light on a weakness of yours.
> 
> Oh buddy, by the way, I woke up many a night to feed my kids for a woman who turned out to be ungrateful for the acts of kindness I once did for her. Wanna know a secret? That's in the past, it no longer holds ground when it comes to co-parenting in the present.
> 
> Absolutely love how you have a thread in the Reconciliation section and you're also on a Singles Thread. Speaks volumes to your mindset.
> 
> I'm aware you'll fly off the handle at this again, which is fine. Have at it. For the sake of your daughter, I really hope you get your emotional sh!t together because it's a mess and if you love your daughter as much as you say you do, you'd re-evaluate the way you handle yourself.
> 
> P.S. Of course your daughter would ask for the parent who "isn't good at disciplining" to attend an event / occasion where they're having problems. You're an enabler to it. People (adult or child) seek out enablers when they're lacking the proper training and conditioning.
> 
> Have you learned anything in the past couple years? Other than where your tempter on and off switch is.


Very lame attempt to attack me mate, really lame. Guess I hit your nerves the last time I called you out for the way you love to target my vents assuming you know everything about my life, really ignorant and pathetic mate.

Guess self-righteous folks like you need your pastimes to feel better about yourself lol

For the record, I'm already going to see for myself how 'bad' the situation is, and as much as I vent, I already considered the possibility that ex may actually be right.

People like you make the forum a hostile environment for people who need it out.


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Very lame attempt to attack me mate, really lame. Guess I hit your nerves the last time I called you out for the way you love to target my vents assuming you know everything about my life, really ignorant and pathetic mate.
> 
> Guess self-righteous folks like you need your pastimes to feel better about yourself lol
> 
> For the record, I'm already going to see for myself how 'bad' the situation is, and as much as I vent, I already considered the possibility that ex may actually be right.
> 
> People like you make the forum a hostile environment for people who need it out.


I don't see myself any better than you on the grounds of humanity. I do however hope you work your stuff out, if not for yourself, for your daughter. She needs a father in her life that's going to be there for her for years to come and the way you 'vent' shows that there's lots of work to be done.

Continue to toss your stones at everyone around you, I have no doubt the pile that you stand on is large. Eventually everyone runs out.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Ugh. Relationship with friend who came back from the dead is at an end. I am disgusted by his health habits. We are on a trip and I found that he cannot go without at least two beers (not spread out, one bottle follows the other) every day and despite wide availability of healthy foods he consistently chooses the worst ones while saying that he needs to lose weight and should exercise (but always finds a reason not to). The snoring at night is keeping me awake in more ways than the obvious. I finally just slept in my daughter's room.

I told him I was depressed about this and the next thing I know he's ordering a huge fried fish sandwich and fries at a place where there are great salads and baked seafood available (fresh) and he also got a huge beer. $11! and big enough for a frog to be happy in, maybe even with a pal. Did not even offer to pick up the tip. I ordered hush puppies for my kids to try (their first time heading to the South) and he started helping himself to the small plate I ordered for the two of them :-(

This isn't an effect of the stroke. I've seen him being perfectly capable and he's able to carry on normal conversations and he's very quick about logistics (especially those that involve, say, happy hour with free beer at the hotel where we stayed). I think it's just a continuation of whatever he was doing that led up to the stroke, that he was hiding during earlier stages of dating. 

I had to explain to him a second time, that I was serious about being depressed and couldn't continue the relationship. The second time I was less subtle and the message made it home.

I think he will have another stroke soon, probably a fatal one, or a heart attack. I don't want to be around for that. It's a good time to call it good before I have losses to cut. Up to this point it has been okay, in that he would periodically show some effort towards diet, exercise, cutting back on beer/drinking. But now it's clear that he has no intention of putting any serious effort into recovering. He is against taking any medication that could help with stroke apathy, etc. Won't even go to the gym where he has a membership or go for walks on a regular basis as it's always too hot/too cold/raining or too late in the day. 

I can see his point. He has (had) a girlfriend who drives to see him most of the time, picks up the tab to eat out on a regular basis, makes sure that he pays his bills when they're due, and vacuums every once in a while. Why do anything different if you're already getting what you want? Plus, there is a financial incentive for him to not get better, he could lose his disability if he's deemed well enough to work. Yet he is against selling off any of his work assets...I guess he figures he better keep them for when he gets caught out and doesn't have any choice but to work. 

At least he took it well. That is one thing we do have in common is that we both respect the free will of other people to do as they please with their own lives. So if I say I am done he is not going to try to convince me otherwise. 

It's a dangerous and losing game to play to put your life on the line to hold onto disability income and benefits. I think that's what he's doing but of course I can't prove it. I suppose he wouldn't be the first. Whatever. I had my second chance and am happy to have been able to see this relationship through to the end, vs. always having to wonder about the what ifs. 

He's a good guy, just not someone I can respect. It's better to end the relationship before I end up despising him. No emotion or just disappointment is better than despising someone. Already I felt disgust, so this was the warning sign.

6 months of dating is not any kind of permanent thing. It is a time frame for making informed decisions about someone when you can observe them over time and in a variety of situations... He can hustle and bust butt when he needs to, he just prefers the easy money and the beer.


----------



## Healer

RG and I finally consummated the relationship last night. We had had 2 sleepovers before, but no p in v. She takes things slower than the other women I've been with, which is good for me, actually. It was pretty intense last night - and at one point she said "you feel so intense" and I could tell she was overwhelmed, so we stopped and just cuddled naked and talked. She explained that she was taken aback by me and her attraction to me and that it threw her off - and she freaked herself out as she's used to being very guarded, and thought I would be too. She's very in her own head - and that's OK. Sex is a big deal to her obviously.

Anyway, I seduced her this morning (took some time!) and it was much more relaxed - you could tell she was at ease. She told me as much - that she woke up relaxed and at ease in my house and with me. We spent the whole morning cuddling and talking, then went for coffee on a patio where she held my hand and had her arms around me, asking me if that was OK in public. Of course!

It sounds bad but she's the first woman I've been with who I didn't want to leave the next morning. I enjoy being with her outside of the bedroom too. I think something might be growing here (and not just in my pants). Girlfriend material? I hope so.

She told me she wasn't expecting me to be "available", and yet here I am, and very much so. I told her generally I'm not, but for her, I am.


----------



## RandomDude

06Daddio08 said:


> I don't see myself any better than you on the grounds of humanity. I do however hope you work your stuff out, if not for yourself, for your daughter. She needs a father in her life that's going to be there for her for years to come and the way you 'vent' shows that there's lots of work to be done.
> 
> Continue to toss your stones at everyone around you, I have no doubt the pile that you stand on is large. Eventually everyone runs out.


Lol! Throwing stones? Since when was the last time I took one of your stories, twist them up and add my own assumptions to use as an attack?

Don't see me ever doing any of that to you or your self-righteous little crew - so get a real life fool, unless your little crusade is your life :surprise: then by all means carry on!


----------



## 06Daddio08

You throw tantrums like a child. I have no problem not being an enabler, which means you can stomp around all you want.


----------



## RandomDude

Is that all you've got? Wow, sure keep it up if it gets you off, Mr. Mature! 

You're only proving how low you are the more accusations and stories of mine you twist


----------



## 06Daddio08

RandomDude said:


> Is that all you've got? Wow, sure keep it up if it gets you off, Mr. Mature!
> 
> You're only proving how low you are the more accusations and stories of mine you twist


The only thing twisted is your delusional sense of reality and accountability for your actions. You're full of regret and insecurities, which is clearly obvious from all of the 'venting' you've done since you broke it off with your girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

That's exactly what you project onto anyone who dares shine a light on your weaknesses. We all have them, myself included, nobody likes it at first. You openly share yours. It's no wonder you feel the way you do and I'm guessing (as I'm not entirely sure but I get a good feeling) that eventually people around you get sick of being pushed away because of it.

You're your own worst enemy, have been for a long long time.


----------



## RandomDude

Your problem is taking my vents and thoughts and try to attack me saying these vents are my decisions. I have no inhibitions about portraying my worst sides on this forum, it gets out, and that's what is important to me.

Hell I vented about the spat between my ex and I and here you come in thinking you know the story even better than both ex and I combined! My daughter is a good kid, she is very popular with alot of kids as well as adults, and we have raised her to always be inclusive to other kids. She's on trial but I'm not one to judge before I know the full story. 

There's always more to any story than anyone can understand on a forum. Many here believe that, some don't such as yourself. You need to learn that there is always a story within a story, but hey considering how quick you are to judge me whenever an opportunity arrives for you to play "holier than thou", don't think that's anything you will ever be able to learn.

I have nothing against you Daddio - as I said, you don't see me corrupting your stories do you? But I have nothing against calling you out either when you try to personally attack someone on a help forum.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I get it. There's a much sturdier, precise and rock steady RandomDude behind the computer screen. You just happen to only air out the complete negative and unfiltered things that happen in your life on a forum. There's absolutely no credibility behind any of it, it's just paper in the wind.

Got it. All the best to you.


----------



## RandomDude

Not saying I don't make mistakes mate, nor am I saying I make all the right decisions - but you know what's the difference between you and me Daddio?

I don't go to folks with problems, target their vents and insult them to make myself feel better. It's a help forum FFS! Thankfully there's more than enough folks here who can empathise with the anger and frustration that people with relationship problems inevitably have.

But hey, this bickering is pointless, we have our own problems to deal with. Stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours (like I've always done)
All the best to you as well, and no I'm not being sarcastic


----------



## 06Daddio08

The thing is RandomDude, I was exactly like you years ago. ANYONE who knows my story will agree without question. Heck, I think I was even worse than you at one point.

It's easy to sit there and say that whoever is calling you out for your behavior is only doing to to 'take pleasure' in it. Granted, there are a few who do but I'm not one of them, regardless of you wanting to believe it or not. I see in you what I saw in myself when I first separated and what I see is a guy who vents exactly how I used to. It's sporadic, chaotic and misguided. You go in circles, as I did. Yes, I still do at times but the tools and work I put in makes it a lot more manageable moving forward.

I've never claimed to know your entire story, nor have I claimed to know everything. That's something you assumed all on your own. What I have to work on is what you say and what you say is what I comment on. If you take that as me 'getting in your way', well that's on you.

If you want to feel better moving forward, you have things you should work on to get yourself to that place. Venting out all that negativity isn't always going to provide a positive response, letting it go naturally will yield a much more enjoyable life.

The reason why I picked you out of the crowd is because I know what you're going through. Is it exactly the same experience? Of course not but there are only so many different scripts for human behavior and we share(ed) many of the same.

Which is why I feel you react so strongly to my comments. Intentional or not, I hit buttons. It's evident. Doesn't mean I'm doing it out of pleasure, it's out of an understanding. As odd as that may sound.


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez now why you can't you just post like this in this fashion next time? We would have avoided like freakin' (how many?) posts bickering on top of each other?

I'm not in the habit of letting what I consider insults slide especially when I'm in a sh-t mood, which is like, whenever I vent my worse, that's just me. It's a principle. Talk about timing because it's when you and a few others jump in! When I see someone following me around like you mentioned - picking me out from the crowd - I also assume the worse.

If it's not your intention then alright - it's all good. Just stick to this tone so there's actually a possibility for dialogue.

I don't actually know your story at all, so I don't know how you actually see yourself in me - give me a short version. 
If you said you've been in my shoes though then tell me, how did the vents actually make things worse? What's the solution?

I vent on this forum (in this one thread in particular - was actually considering opening up a "venting thread" as well actually) because I know I will be judged in RL if people even heard half the sh-t I go on about. I don't see a solution in holding it in.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Ugh. Relationship with friend who came back from the dead is at an end. I am disgusted by his health habits. We are on a trip and I found that he cannot go without at least two beers (not spread out, one bottle follows the other) every day and despite wide availability of healthy foods he consistently chooses the worst ones while saying that he needs to lose weight and should exercise (but always finds a reason not to). The snoring at night is keeping me awake in more ways than the obvious. I finally just slept in my daughter's room.
> 
> I told him I was depressed about this and the next thing I know he's ordering a huge fried fish sandwich and fries at a place where there are great salads and baked seafood available (fresh) and he also got a huge beer. $11! and big enough for a frog to be happy in, maybe even with a pal. Did not even offer to pick up the tip. I ordered hush puppies for my kids to try (their first time heading to the South) and he started helping himself to the small plate I ordered for the two of them :-(
> 
> This isn't an effect of the stroke. I've seen him being perfectly capable and he's able to carry on normal conversations and he's very quick about logistics (especially those that involve, say, happy hour with free beer at the hotel where we stayed). I think it's just a continuation of whatever he was doing that led up to the stroke, that he was hiding during earlier stages of dating.
> 
> I had to explain to him a second time, that I was serious about being depressed and couldn't continue the relationship. The second time I was less subtle and the message made it home.
> 
> I think he will have another stroke soon, probably a fatal one, or a heart attack. I don't want to be around for that. It's a good time to call it good before I have losses to cut. Up to this point it has been okay, in that he would periodically show some effort towards diet, exercise, cutting back on beer/drinking. But now it's clear that he has no intention of putting any serious effort into recovering. He is against taking any medication that could help with stroke apathy, etc. Won't even go to the gym where he has a membership or go for walks on a regular basis as it's always too hot/too cold/raining or too late in the day.
> 
> I can see his point. He has (had) a girlfriend who drives to see him most of the time, picks up the tab to eat out on a regular basis, makes sure that he pays his bills when they're due, and vacuums every once in a while. Why do anything different if you're already getting what you want? Plus, there is a financial incentive for him to not get better, he could lose his disability if he's deemed well enough to work. Yet he is against selling off any of his work assets...I guess he figures he better keep them for when he gets caught out and doesn't have any choice but to work.
> 
> At least he took it well. That is one thing we do have in common is that we both respect the free will of other people to do as they please with their own lives. So if I say I am done he is not going to try to convince me otherwise.
> 
> It's a dangerous and losing game to play to put your life on the line to hold onto disability income and benefits. I think that's what he's doing but of course I can't prove it. I suppose he wouldn't be the first. Whatever. I had my second chance and am happy to have been able to see this relationship through to the end, vs. always having to wonder about the what ifs.
> 
> He's a good guy, just not someone I can respect. It's better to end the relationship before I end up despising him. No emotion or just disappointment is better than despising someone. Already I felt disgust, so this was the warning sign.
> 
> 6 months of dating is not any kind of permanent thing. It is a time frame for making informed decisions about someone when you can observe them over time and in a variety of situations... He can hustle and bust butt when he needs to, he just prefers the easy money and the beer.


Awe Homemaker, I'm sorry that things aren't working out the way that you had hoped. Was this the way he would have behaved before the stroke? Not necessarily the poor health habits, what I mean to say is, when you knew him before, was he the man who would have taken advantage of loopholes to keep something like disability, when he knew that he could have done the work to get better/pull himself up by his bootstraps?

When an injury or illness has to do with the brain, whether it be a TBI or a stroke, it can affect behavior in ways you never thought.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

As I said, this isn't an effect of the stroke.

I'm not going to post details of someone's personal life or needless info about his medical conditions or weaknesses/addictions etc. 

You'll just have to trust me on this one. It's been 6 months and I know what I know. 
My kids even noticed it too and commented on it. 

I'm not a social worker. I'm dating someone I started to date and found out he isn't the person he was purporting to be. There are other people out there who can act as his social worker and also many other people out there he could date. 

He's perfectly capable of fending for himself.

One thing I will say is that the night before he had his stroke he felt like crap and didn't want to go to his own place. He came to my place. But on the way he stopped at the liquor store and bought beer and had some before he went to bed. The next day he ended up in neuro ICU and coma. Chances are from what I've seen he would pull this kind of maneuver again. Why be responsible for yourself when there is someone around whom you know will call 911 and pick up the pieces. No thank you.


----------



## TooNice

Well, the ex and his gf are Facebook official now. I didn't expect it to gut-punch me the way it did. I think due to the insensitivity of it more than anything. Our divorce was final four months ago. Weeks ago, our son was basically asking me where this girl came from, and now it seems she's practically living with him. They can have each other-I don't miss him, nor do I want to reconcile. But I hate that my son is at his dad's (very tiny) apartment while she is spending the night. I know my son is an adult, but it's wrong to do this early. It's still raw for our kid. And must be so awkward.

I know my ex is continuing to make his bed, and I am secure in my own actions. I'm grateful that I have that. But it doesn't help the onslaught of unwanted emotions today. :frown2:

At least as of now, our family and mutual friends will see all of the comments from her side of how happy they are for them both... Clearly her friends have known him a while. Our mutual friends and family have (so far) been very quiet in terms of comments and "likes". I hope it stays that way...it is oddly reassuring.

(And yes, I know I should unfriend him. But friends close, enemies closer will apply a little longer yet.)


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Well, the ex and his gf are Facebook official now. I didn't expect it to gut-punch me the way it did. I think due to the insensitivity of it more than anything. Our divorce was final four months ago. Weeks ago, our son was basically asking me where this girl came from, and now it seems she's practically living with him. They can have each other-I don't miss him, nor do I want to reconcile. But I hate that my son is at his dad's (very tiny) apartment while she is spending the night. I know my son is an adult, but it's wrong to do this early. It's still raw for our kid. And must be so awkward.
> 
> I know my ex is continuing to make his bed, and I am secure in my own actions. I'm grateful that I have that. But it doesn't help the onslaught of unwanted emotions today. :frown2:
> 
> At least as of now, our family and mutual friends will see all of the comments from her side of how happy they are for them both... Clearly her friends have known him a while. Our mutual friends and family have (so far) been very quiet in terms of comments and "likes". I hope it stays that way...it is oddly reassuring.
> 
> (And yes, I know I should unfriend him. But friends close, enemies closer will apply a little longer yet.)


The complete lack of shame is awesome, isn't it? They have absolutely no respect for anyone else's feelings 

My XH went public 2 mos before I even filed for divorce. I guess she got sick of waiting. It was clear from the comments on the pictures that they had already met him, and had known for some time.

So, I'm going to tell you what exactly you do in this situation:

First, UNFRIEND HIM ON FACEBOOK.

Second, BLOCK HIM ON FACEBOOK.

It is doing you absolutely no good to be keeping tabs on him via social media. It is detrimental to your recovery, and I want you to STOP. RIGHT NOW. What he does or does not do is no longer your concern, and even if it was... if he is doing poorly and feeling like sh!t, he's not going to broadcast that all over Facebook. He will use social media to show everyone how great his life is now, to convince himself and others that he has made the right choice with his life. So you'll never get the satisfaction you seek from tracking him on Facebook.

So, block him and walk away from the computer. And focus on your own life, finding your awesome, and living it to the fullest. 

"Living well is the best revenge."
--some guy named George Herbert


----------



## RandomDude

I have to disagree, next thing you know he'll be going around going "hey, why did my ex block me on FB? is she jealous? well thats lame"
Just don't subscribe to his crap.

But hey I don't know the dynamics - are you guys civil with each other? co-parents? what?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I have to disagree, next thing you know he'll be going around going "hey, why did my ex block me on FB? is she jealous? well thats lame"
> Just don't subscribe to his crap.
> 
> But hey I don't know the dynamics - are you guys civil with each other? co-parents? what?


Most likely--9 times out of 10--the other person won't even know or notice until long after the blocking has happened. They don't get a notification.

And who the fvck cares what he thinks? Why should she care what he thinks? They're divorced now. Fvck him. There's no reason to be friends on FB anymore, since they're clearly not friends IRL.

They're not co-parenting anymore. Children are adult-age, from my understanding. So there is no reason to stay in touch, unless they're both contributing towards college tuition or something? And they can use email or text for that. No reason at all to stay connected on Facebook, especially if seeing his sh!t upsets her.


----------



## Lifescript

Block him 

I blocked my ex and I'm happier for it.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Most likely--9 times out of 10--the other person won't even know or notice until long after the blocking has happened. They don't get a notification.
> 
> And who the fvck cares what he thinks? Why should she care what he thinks? They're divorced now. Fvck him. There's no reason to be friends on FB anymore, since they're clearly not friends IRL.
> 
> They're not co-parenting anymore. Children are adult-age, from my understanding. So there is no reason to stay in touch, unless they're both contributing towards college tuition or something? And they can use email or text for that. No reason at all to stay connected on Facebook, especially if seeing his sh!t upsets her.


Yeah, fair enough

Guess the dynamics are different from mine, if there's no point in continuing the connection, no kids, no friendship - especially if it causes nothing but pain. Better to just cut them out of your life

Aye, block him


----------



## FeministInPink

In other news, I AM MOVING! Now that I no longer have to shelter and cater to my feline companion, I am preparing to shed the last vestiges of my old, marital, pre-divorce life: my apartment, and the majority of the crap within.

I am lightening my load. I am downsizing. I am selling EVERYTHING, save the few things that I will need for creature comfort in my new room in my shared apartment and the few things that truly make me happy and bring me joy. All that stuff, and all that space, none of which I really need, have been sucking me dry emotionally, time-wise, and financially. With the money I'm saving, I'll finally be able to pay down my credit cards and actually SAVE and work towards having the life I want. I don't want a lot of space and a lot of stuff. I want to travel and see sights and experience my life.

I AM SO EXCITED!!! A very good friend--who tends to be very protective of me, and so I trust his judgement--referred me to a friend of his, and I stopped by to take a look at the apartment on Saturday morning. As it turns out, potential roomie and I had actually met before, but I didn't realize it until he answered the door. (I think he actually knew when he was speaking to me on the phone, before I came by.) That made the whole thing much LESS awkward, and we totally hit it off. We're both very laid back, have similar attitudes about sharing living space, and--extremely important in this city--similar political views. Plus, we have some shared interests (karaoke!) and some shared friends. 

The price is right (below budget!), and I like the neighborhood. There are two shopping plazas nearby, and it's only a few minutes from the freeway, so it will be easy/quick to get out of town. The Metro is very close, and the commute to work is half the time of my current commute, and it's cheaper by $15-20/month. There's decent street parking, and my room has its own separate entrance if I want to use it. Plus it has a HUGE closet! That was a definite concern of mine, because I have a lot of clothes.

So, I'm moving in at the end of August, most likely. He has a temporary roommate right now, but he thinks she'll be moving out by the end of September. It's actually a 3-bdrm apartment, and I want the room that isn't currently being used, so a little bit of overlap is OK, and it reduces rent for everyone. The living area is fully furnished, and the kitchen is fully stocked, so I will need to bring _very_ little. And there is one little bonus....

The room I'm taking has a funky layout because of the closet, which is built into the corner. So, between the wall and the closet is a recessed space which, according to my future roommate, can accommodate a full-size bed, but not a queen bed.

*I'M GETTING A NEW BED, B!TCHES!!!!*

Which, of course, means that I will need new sheets to go with the pretty quilt I bought two years ago when XH moved out. (I'm thinking sage green.) I will no longer be spending my nights on the mattress set and sheets that I shared with XH for 10 yrs. That piece of sh!t is going In. The. Trash! And better yet, it means I don't have to deal with moving a bed. I'm going to have the new one delivered directly to my new place, and I'll have bulk trash haul away the old one.

I am very much looking forward to this new chapter in my life. It's a little scary, know that I'm letting go of so much, but it's all replaceable. But I have a LOT of work ahead of me for the next two months. I'm planning on selling most of my DVDs and books (parting with the books is going to be hard, but it needs to be done), and I'll need to go through my clothes and cull out what I want to donate--it's time for some serious purging. And then there's selling all my other stuff, minus the few things that I want to save/put into storage (aka my parent's attic). Oy vey, it's a little overwhelming. But so exciting!!!


----------



## TooNice

Thanks, all. Too much to try to quote quickly, so I'll briefly address main points. 

Yes, our son is an adult. But this is still a transition for him. I've known it was over for about nine months longer than my son, and clearly XH decided WELL before that. But for my son, he's known less than a year, and headed off to college right after we dropped it on him. He's still figuring this out. He is in college, and we are still co-parenting, at least financially. You are right, I don't need to be my ex's friend on FB for that, but I do feel I need to know when he announces his relationship publicly, or lord help us, an impending marriage. My ex has not handled the "outing" of his relationship well-not with his family, and certainly not our son. He doesn't post often on FB, and I dont keep tabs on him. This thing yesterday simply popped up in my newsfeed. 

I have every intention of unfriending him once the circus is over. I don't care if he notices or cares about it when I do. His opinion of me and attitude toward me have no impact on my life. My only concern is my son. So far, he seems to be handling it ok, but I worry that it's going to catch up wth him at some point, and if I can help it, I don't want to be in the dark when it does. Like I said...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Just for a little while longer. I promise, I WILL delete him! 😉


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Oy vey, it's a little overwhelming. But so exciting!!!


This sounds amazing for you! Congratulations!!


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## moxy

Congrats on the new place, FiP.


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## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> Thanks, all. Too much to try to quote quickly, so I'll briefly address main points.
> 
> Yes, our son is an adult. But this is still a transition for him. I've known it was over for about nine months longer than my son, and clearly XH decided WELL before that. But for my son, he's known less than a year, and headed off to college right after we dropped it on him. He's still figuring this out. He is in college, and we are still co-parenting, at least financially. You are right, I don't need to be my ex's friend on FB for that, but I do feel I need to know when he announces his relationship publicly, or lord help us, an impending marriage. My ex has not handled the "outing" of his relationship well-not with his family, and certainly not our son. He doesn't post often on FB, and I dont keep tabs on him. This thing yesterday simply popped up in my newsfeed.
> 
> I have every intention of unfriending him once the circus is over. I don't care if he notices or cares about it when I do. His opinion of me and attitude toward me have no impact on my life. My only concern is my son. So far, he seems to be handling it ok, but I worry that it's going to catch up wth him at some point, and if I can help it, I don't want to be in the dark when it does. Like I said...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Just for a little while longer. I promise, I WILL delete him! 😉


Just wait til your son discovers that daddy's girlfriend was really his mistress who helped tear his family apart. THEN the sh!t really WILL hit the fan. Just sayin.


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## TooNice

3Xnocharm said:


> Just wait til your son discovers that daddy's girlfriend was really his mistress who helped tear his family apart. THEN the sh!t really WILL hit the fan. Just sayin.


Which is precisely why I am not ready to block/delete him yet. I need all the info I can get to help me be there when my son needs me.


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## moxy

Yes to a coffee date is not an invitation to send d!ck pics. SMH.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Yes to a coffee date is not an invitation to send d!ck pics. SMH.


What's with these guys who think this is ok? It's not socially acceptable to whip your d!ck out in public and start waving it around at random women. So why do they think it's ok to do so online?


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## RandomDude

Made a thread about it a while back in the men's clubhouse, seems like it actually works

Anyway society's standards of "social acceptance" can be bullsh-t sometimes


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FIP that's awesome news. Hooray. Being scared a little bit is a good sign, very normal. Like at the top of a roller coaster 

We went to Carpe Librum while we were in DC. Bought some books and made a donation.
If you can't sell your books and DVD's maybe think about donating them there?

And big kudos on the new bed. I have a new bed, it's one of those ones made out of natural materials, I think it's bamboo. Very nice, comfortable, no nasty toxins to breath in at night. And in case you didn't know, buying mattresses is like buying cars, you can get the price to come down even more % than with cars :-o In any case sounds like you can get a little more R&R and sleep, etc. with the new reduced commute and less upkeep on the home front. Well done!

Once you can travel you should come to NH, then again it's not for everyone.
Compared to Georgetown and the Virginia suburbs it's very ummmm campy here.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker, I LOVE Carpe Librum... I stop in regularly to window shop, but have resisted buying lately. That's a good idea, I hadn't thought of donating there. My friend donates her used books to an organization that sells them and the money they make goes to a local school.

I'm discovering that there are lots of options for donating. So many choices!

As far as beds go, I'm not looking to spend a lot of money, only because I don't know how long I'll keep it. I'm only certain that I'll be in this space for the next 9 months, but I have the option to stay until 2017 when the lease is up. But I don't know if I'll come back to DC after my great Euro adventure. I feel like I need to move on, and find a new place. But I don't know where that is yet. So the new bed may not come with me.

I definitely want to come to NH, I have other friends who live there. And I grew up in the sticks, have been to lots of different places, including NH.... so I'm sure I'll like it


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## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Homemaker, I LOVE Carpe Librum... I stop in regularly to window shop, but have resisted buying lately. That's a good idea, I hadn't thought of donating there. My friend donates her used books to an organization that sells them and the money they make goes to a local school.
> 
> I'm discovering that there are lots of options for donating. So many choices!
> 
> As far as beds go, I'm not looking to spend a lot of money, only because I don't know how long I'll keep it. I'm only certain that I'll be in this space for the next 9 months, but I have the option to stay until 2017 when the lease is up. But I don't know if I'll come back to DC after my great Euro adventure. I feel like I need to move on, and find a new place. But I don't know where that is yet. So the new bed may not come with me.
> 
> I definitely want to come to NH, I have other friends who live there. And I grew up in the sticks, have been to lots of different places, including NH.... so I'm sure I'll like it



Well congratulations on the new space and you moving towards your new life!!!!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I got my son a FreshFuton Beat model.
It used to be in his super small room in our old apartment, now it's in our living room.
Very comfortable and versatile. Better than any other futons we've had. 

We're very small and compact people - mileage my vary.

The bed I ended up with was a Carolina mattress guild Radiant. 
I have dust mite allergies so it was an excellent choice for me.
Sleepy's - Carolina Radiant Plush Mattress customer reviews - product reviews - read top consumer ratings

Whatever you do buy, if you're thinking about selling it again, buy a high-quality mattress cover/bag for it. Then it will be nearly new when you do sell it, and no worries about the usual for the buyers (i.e. mites, bed bugs, human wear and tear, pets dander, etc.)

Carpe Librum is a wonderful place, I agree. 
But could not find any short story collections...

Ended up with a TC Boyle, Tortilla Curtain. Turns out my research partner is into post apocalyptic literature...gave me some good recommendations. It's sad when a comp lit major loses interest in reading...was revived. Now I can enjoy the beach and the deck.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I got my son a FreshFuton Beat model.
> It used to be in his super small room in our old apartment, now it's in our living room.
> Very comfortable and versatile. Better than any other futons we've had.
> 
> We're very small and compact people - mileage my vary.
> 
> The bed I ended up with was a Carolina mattress guild Radiant.
> I have dust mite allergies so it was an excellent choice for me.
> Sleepy's - Carolina Radiant Plush Mattress customer reviews - product reviews - read top consumer ratings
> 
> Whatever you do buy, if you're thinking about selling it again, buy a high-quality mattress cover/bag for it. Then it will be nearly new when you do sell it, and no worries about the usual for the buyers (i.e. mites, bed bugs, human wear and tear, pets dander, etc.)
> 
> Carpe Librum is a wonderful place, I agree.
> But could not find any short story collections...
> 
> Ended up with a TC Boyle, Tortilla Curtain. Turns out my research partner is into post apocalyptic literature...gave me some good recommendations. It's sad when a comp lit major loses interest in reading...was revived. Now I can enjoy the beach and the deck.


I'm a big fan of post-apocalyptic/dystopian literature. When I was in grad school (or actually, right after I finished--I took a few classes after the fact) I took a class on teaching writing, and as an assignment, I had to design a freshman comp course. I designed a course around dystopian literature, and in the course I designed, the final assignment for my theoretical students was an analytical paper on one of the books from a list I had drawn up. There were about 30 books on the list. My professor only had two criticisms of [the first draft] my course: 1) the course I designed was graduate-level, so I needed to simplify it for freshmen; and 2) I needed to shorten the final list of books, because if I haven't already read all of them, I would have to read them all, in addition to the books I assigned as part of the course, to prepare to teach the course. So I told him... I've actually read every book on this list. So he let me keep the full book list.

Are you looking for short story collections? I have some back issues of some various literary journals that I probably won't be able to sell when I'm downsizing my stuff. I'd be happy to send them to you, if you like.

I'm definitely planning on getting a good mattress cover for this new bed, regardless. When I was with my XH, I couldn't keep a mattress cover on the bed; he moved around so much in his sleep, that he would pull the fitted sheet right off, and the cover would get all bunched off. Without the mattress cover, at least the fitted sheet would stay on the bed. 

I think I'm going to buy some nice pillows, too. I deserve some big, nice, comfy pillows. I already bought myself a nice quilt last year. Now I need nice pillows.

I'm gonna feather my nest


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, lord... the funniest thing just happened! I was walking home from the Metro, and this young boy stopped me. I thought for sure he was going to ask me for a cigarette--teenage boys always ask me for a cigarette--but he said, "I'm sorry, but I had to stop you and tell you. You are so gorgeous!" And I laughed and shook my head and said, "You're not old enough!" And he said, "When I'm 18? Will you wait for me? Can I take you out when I'm 18?" I laughed and said, "Sure, when you're 18."


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, lord... the funniest thing just happened! I was walking home from the Metro, and this young boy stopped me. I thought for sure he was going to ask me for a cigarette--teenage boys always ask me for a cigarette--but he said, "I'm sorry, but I had to stop you and tell you. You are so gorgeous!" And I laughed and shook my head and said, "You're not old enough!" And he said, "When I'm 18? Will you wait for me? Can I take you out when I'm 18?" I laughed and said, "Sure, when you're 18."


That's awesome! And unless that boy is a creeper, kudos to him for doing that! 

I have a friend (OK, HAD a friend pre-divorce  ) who was a school teacher and looked very young for her age. One time she pulled into a bank parking lot and a car full of teen boys was making comments to her. I wasn't there, but to hear the story of the looks on their faces when she got out of her car 9 months pregnant was hilarious .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Looking for TC Boyle and Jess Row short stories at the moment but will take any in the genre you think are appropriate, thanks.

I'll come back to DC some time this fall, on my own, I did not visit with my 25 year old friend while there (what is it with the young guys in that city?) as it would have been awkward under the circumstances.

Ahh, there is the bag and there is the cover for the mattress. The bag completely encases the mattress with a zipper closure, and absolutely seals everything out, no bunching up...then the cover goes on over that, to add padding and even more protection. I agree, covers do bunch. I've had good luck with Lands' End covers. They are pricier but less hassle. They tend to wash clean as well.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, lord... the funniest thing just happened! I was walking home from the Metro, and this young boy stopped me. I thought for sure he was going to ask me for a cigarette--teenage boys always ask me for a cigarette--but he said, "I'm sorry, but I had to stop you and tell you. You are so gorgeous!" And I laughed and shook my head and said, "You're not old enough!" And he said, "When I'm 18? Will you wait for me? Can I take you out when I'm 18?" I laughed and said, "Sure, when you're 18."


:rofl:

Must be very flattering!


----------



## Lifescript

That kid is a stud. Kudos to him for having the balls to approach you. Seems like hr knows what he's doing since he made you laugh. 

Need some advice here guys.

Went out with her last weekend and we had a great time. It seems like we are both falling for each other and just going through the usual high adrenaline of the start of a new relationship or thing since we haven't really talked relationship yet. It's too son. I find myself thinking about her and resisting it. I don't want to fall this fast. I'm honestly scared I'll fall harder. I've always been that way. Seems like the damage of my past relationship is messing me up. I'm hesitant to trust again. 

Sometimes she texts me and I wait to text back so she doesn't think I'm just waiting for her texts. She texts a lot. And I've been told too much texting can get things boring. I don't want to seem needy but also don't want to shoot myself in the foot and have her thinking I don't care. We are going to spend most of the day together this friday. Going to an art exhibit and then probably seeing a movie or I may take her to the beach. 

A friend advised me to date other girls so I don't develop feelings too quickly for this girl but that's never really been my style. At the same time we havent talked exclusivity so it's ok if I do.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Must be very flattering!


It made my day!


----------



## Betrayedone

RandomDude said:


> Ha! Pick up books/"artists" are a joke to me and will always be, I have no problems meeting/approaching/ramming, my problem lies in finding someone I actually give a sh-t about!
> 
> But FK it, I DO have to stop wanting to find someone worthwhile. Meh... once I get rid of my current dry spell since putting the game on hold I'll be alright - at least until I pull this "I want more than sex" stupidity again.
> 
> No matter how many I sleep with I always feel fking empty and lonely because I don't give a sh-t about them nor can I ever trust or confide in them. But hell probably because I don't even give them a fking chance. The thing is, if I stop hoping for something more, I would be much more able to appreciate what's in front of me.
> 
> Anyway for folks saying it paints a bleak picture for the rest of you, I don't mean to bring you guys down like that, besides I'm not normal. Chances are this is MY problem and you guys have a high chance of not ending up like me.


Dude....you are acting in an immature manner with all your talk of being a pick up pro......It's not an attractive trait and you will not be able to participate in a quality relationship until you grow up and act like somebody and stop being a narcissistic victim.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Looking for TC Boyle and Jess Row short stories at the moment but will take any in the genre you think are appropriate, thanks.
> 
> I'll come back to DC some time this fall, on my own, I did not visit with my 25 year old friend while there (what is it with the young guys in that city?) as it would have been awkward under the circumstances.
> 
> Ahh, there is the bag and there is the cover for the mattress. The bag completely encases the mattress with a zipper closure, and absolutely seals everything out, no bunching up...then the cover goes on over that, to add padding and even more protection. I agree, covers do bunch. I've had good luck with Lands' End covers. They are pricier but less hassle. They tend to wash clean as well.


I'll look for a mattress bag, then--sounds like the better way to go.

If you like TC Boyle, check out George Singleton's "The Half-Mammals of Dixie." One of my favorite collections.

What exactly do you mean, what is it with the young guys? There are definitely a LOT of them. I think maybe I need to get my cougar on.


----------



## RandomDude

Betrayedone said:


> Dude....you are acting in an immature manner with all your talk of being a pick up pro......It's not an attractive trait and you will not be able to participate in a quality relationship until you grow up and act like somebody and stop being a narcissistic victim.


A pick up pro? Me? LOL! I hate all that pick up crap!

I don't vent my problems on this thread to turn people on wtf! 
I post to vent it out!

Anyway I'm over my last vents, I'll vent new ones next time something pisses me off, so far it's been a good start to the week


----------



## Lifescript

So she was texting me last night from 6:30 - 10:30. I was at the gym and doing some stuff. I didn't reply to her texts. I don't want her to think I'm too available. Maybe it was a mistake? Anyway ... I called her around 10:45. It went to voicemail. Didn't leave a msg. 

She usually texts me first thing in the morning. She's a fitness freak and wakes up super early. She usually texts "hey, on my way to yoga. Have a great day." Stuff like that. 

Being that I gave her a call. I feel she should be the one to text. I'm guessing she's mad I didn't reply for hours or she may be thinking I was with someone else. 

If I text her now after having called last night I think I run the risk of being seen as needy. 

Any advice?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Need some advice here guys.
> 
> Went out with her last weekend and we had a great time. It seems like we are both falling for each other and just going through the usual high adrenaline of the start of a new relationship or thing since we haven't really talked relationship yet. It's too son. I find myself thinking about her and resisting it. I don't want to fall this fast. I'm honestly scared I'll fall harder. I've always been that way. Seems like the damage of my past relationship is messing me up. I'm hesitant to trust again.
> 
> Sometimes she texts me and I wait to text back so she doesn't think I'm just waiting for her texts. She texts a lot. And I've been told too much texting can get things boring. I don't want to seem needy but also don't want to shoot myself in the foot and have her thinking I don't care. We are going to spend most of the day together this friday. Going to an art exhibit and then probably seeing a movie or I may take her to the beach.
> 
> A friend advised me to date other girls so I don't develop feelings too quickly for this girl but that's never really been my style. At the same time we havent talked exclusivity so it's ok if I do.


Define "falling harder".

You're correct on the texting aspect. From my experience, sharing too many personal things through text has severe diminishing returns. Sure, you build that relationship and get to know each other but without actually seeing a persons physical demeanor when they express themselves leaves a lot of what you read up to your own personal experiences. That can get dicey. 

Your friends are going to advise you about a lot of things and to their credit they know you a lot better than we do. If dating one woman at a type is what you're comfortable with, stick to that. If you want to branch out while talking to her, go ahead. As you said there isn't anything stopping you. I personally find it exhausting.

The trust thing will be with you most likely forever, even when you're completely comfortable with someone years down the road all it takes is that one trigger and by that time you might not even be conscious about it's origin. That's why, in my opinion, it's important to inform a person you're getting more intimate with (in due time of course) that you're a recovering co-dependent. There's absolutely no shame in it and there's a certain strength given off when you can talk about it confidently.

We all have a past and it should be shared, it's the only way you can learn each others boundaries and what you've been through. The trick is not to live in the past and to make sure the bond between you two isn't grown on the negativity that once surrounded you. Easier said than done on certain topics when emotions get high.

Go with the flow while keeping your boundaries in check. If something feels off, ask yourself why. It's either an external force making you feel as such or it's internal.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> So she was texting me last night from 6:30 - 10:30. I was at the gym and doing some stuff. I didn't reply to her texts. I don't want her to think I'm too available. Maybe it was a mistake? Anyway ... I called her around 10:45. It went to voicemail. Didn't leave a msg.
> 
> She usually texts me first thing in the morning. She's a fitness freak and wakes up super early. She usually texts "hey, on my way to yoga. Have a great day." Stuff like that.
> 
> Being that I gave her a call. I feel she should be the one to text. I'm guessing she's mad I didn't reply for hours or she may be thinking I was with someone else.
> 
> If I text her now after having called last night I think I run the risk of being seen as needy.
> 
> *Any advice?*


Slow your role. 

Also going to edit and add this ..

The whole "didn't want her to think" is you playing a game ... with yourself. If you're at the gym and unavailable then just let her know that. If she's a fitness freak as you said, why would she not understand that?

"Hey! At the gym right now, I'll get back to ya when I'm done."

That's not showing that you're unavailable. It's showing boundaries and acknowledging her while not being rude. Honestly, if you're not a guy who 'plays games' ... stop thinking that every move you're making has some dire consequence. That in itself is a game.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hey RD. Haven't been ignoring you, just been busy as fug since our last pleasant exchange.


----------



## Lifescript

Here we fvcking go!

She called me and said she fell asleep early. We had a very nice talk. 

She just texted me that her ex who she broke up with not long ago invited her to some event Saturday. We are scheduled to be together the whole day Friday. 

She wants to know what I think and wants me to know cos she don't want to hide anything. 

Is this her way of testing how interested I am? I don't want her to go out with the ex. Don't wanna come accross as a jealous freak. We haven't talked exclusivity yet. 

What should I say?

Fvck!!!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Here we fvcking go!
> 
> She called me and said she fell asleep early. We had a very nice talk.
> 
> She just texted me that her ex who she broke up with not long ago invited her to some event Saturday. We are scheduled to be together the whole day Friday.
> 
> She wants to know what I think and wants me to know cos she don't want to hide anything.
> 
> Is this her way of testing how interested I am? I don't want her to go out with the ex. Don't wanna come accross as a jealous freak. We haven't talked exclusivity yet.
> 
> What should I say?
> 
> Fvck!!!



Was this an event that had planned a long time ago or did he just ask her recently (within last week or so)? Does it involve family - his or hers?
If its an event they planned a long time ago (tickets purchased, that kind of thing), I wouldn't worry about it. You can voice your concern, but don't berate her about it or sulk. 
If he just asked her to it this week, I'd be confused and wonder what she's playing at. And ask her why she agreed to go.


----------



## Lifescript

Nope. She said he asked her recently. I think this is a test she wants to see how into her I am.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Nope. She said he asked her recently. I think this is a test she wants to see how into her I am.


You can't really say "no, I don't want you to go". But you can tell her you're wondering why she would want to. Why did they break up? Did he leave her or she left him?


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> You can't really say "no, I don't want you to go". But you can tell her you're wondering why she would want to. Why did they break up? Did he leave her or she left him?


Yeah, what SarahMCD said. I'd say something along the lines of, "Well, it's your decision, not mine. But why would you want to do XYZ with an ex?"


----------



## Lifescript

They've had problems for a while. She asked him to leave. 

I asked if she thought going was a good idea. She says she's not sure how to answer that. 

I want to do don't go but I know that's not the smartest thing to do. 

Help!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> They've had problems for a while. She asked him to leave.
> 
> I asked if she thought going was a good idea. She says she's not sure how to answer that.
> 
> I want to do don't go but I know that's not the smartest thing to do.
> 
> Help!


Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. In other words, not really emotionally available to you. 

If she was over her ex and emotionally available, this wouldn't be a thing. She would have said no to him, and that would have been that.


----------



## Lifescript

Sadly I think is true FIP. 

I do appreciate her honesty. 

Better now than later I guess.


----------



## FeministInPink

Exactly. Better to weed this sort of thing out early, so you can move on and find someone who is a better fit.


----------



## Lifescript

She says she likes me and love spending time with me and we have great chemistry. But she's not sure about her feelings. She says she wants to keep seeing me. But I don't want that. I don't want to be plan B. I don't want to be the guy she has fun with and then go out with her boring ex. 

Should I say you have a decision to make?

How to let her know I want to keep seeing her but not if the ex is in the picture.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> How to let her know I want to keep seeing her but not if the ex is in the picture.


Say exactly that.


----------



## Lifescript

Ok


----------



## Lifescript

I don't know how to play this game. I'm sure she has more fun with me and I could win her over. But I don't want to do that. And be in that position.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Say exactly that.


I agree. Say exactly that. Demand what you deserve. 

If she likes you as much as she says, and she WANTS to be available to you (even if she isn't there yet), she'll agree.

That might be what she's looking for from you, when she asks you if she should do this thing with her ex.


----------



## Lifescript

I will do that. 

Text or phone call? Does it matter?


----------



## FeministInPink

NOT text. In person would be best. Phone, second best.


----------



## unsure78

Script this is not all games...while I appreciate her honesty, why would you want to date someone who seems to be ok with hanging out with a recent ex :bsflag:::....its not like they broke up 5 yrs ago and are now friends.

I have a personal philosophy at this point, if you ever fvcked you cant ever be friends.... im sure some people out there can do it but its a slippery slope, easy to go back down the path you already have carnal knowledge of

Stay away from girls that are recently D or recently broken up...unless you just want to be there rebound.


----------



## vi_bride04

I am friends with an ex. We broke up 15 yrs ago and he is a part of my childhood close circle of friends. It can be done, but a lot of time and growth need to occur before it is possible, IMO. 

I know if I get involved seriously with someone, no more one on one time with my ex, it's just not appropriate and disrespectful to the new guy.


----------



## Lifescript

It's a red flag. I know.

At this point unless she cancels on him after I let her know we can't hang out if he's still around then that will be the end of that. 

Some good memories for sure.


----------



## Liam83011

Lifescript said:


> I don't know how to play this game. I'm sure she has more fun with me and I could win her over. But I don't want to do that. And be in that position.


So...just to clarify, you are giving a 'him or me' ultimatum to a girl you really barely know? 

If you are so sure you are more fun, then why even get bent out of shape about her seeing him? You don't really have any claim on her and you don't have to keep seeing her if you don't like this, but in my experience, making an ultimatum rarely turns out in the demander's favor. 

Even if she does cancel, do you want her to cancel b/c she is afraid to lose you (a guy she has only gone out w/ a few times)? She is pretty insecure it sounds. 

In short:

So...just to clarify, you are giving a 'him or me' ultimatum to a girl you really barely know?


----------



## Lifescript

Liam, 

Not an ultimatum. 

I'm smarter then that. I've given out those and have been burned to the stake. 

I'll just let her know that as much as I like hanging out with her if the ex is around I'm not ok with it. 

She can then decide what to do. 

It's not a if you go out with him I'm gone kind of statement.

Just letting her know what I'm ok with and not ok with.


----------



## Liam83011

Lifescript said:


> Liam,
> 
> Not an ultimatum.
> 
> I'm smarter then that. I've given out those and have been burned to the stake.
> 
> *I'll just let her know that as much as I like hanging out with her if the ex is around I'm not ok with it.*
> 
> She can then decide what to do.
> 
> It's not a if you go out with him I'm gone kind of statement.
> 
> Just letting her know what I'm ok with and not ok with.


She will hear this as basically an ultimatum. 

Not sure exactly how in your mind you can say it isn't but basically what you are saying is...well you should get it. 

Good luck.


----------



## Lifescript

I guess some guys can be ok with a girl hanging out with then and the ex at the same time. I'm not. I was starting to see her as gf potential. 

I like her honesty and I can understand she's a bit confused because of how recent the breakup was but it still stings.


----------



## Lifescript

She's texting saying it I'm ok cos I haven't been responding as fast to her texts. I need time to think.


----------



## Lifescript

She now calls me and invites me out for drinks tomorrow. This on top of us having plans for Friday. I'm confused.


----------



## Liam83011

I am not saying you do have to be ok with her seeing her ex, but I would not do it in a controlling way, and if you do, be prepared to walk away (ie don't be bluffing about what you say). That sounded like an ultimatum to be honest. Do what you need to do though.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> She now calls me and invites me out for drinks tomorrow. This on top of us having plans for Friday. I'm confused.


Go for drinks tomorrow, have your talk, and see what happens. If it goes poorly, cancel plans for Friday. 

I would want to know where I stand before spending all day with her on Friday.


----------



## Liam83011

FeministInPink said:


> Go for drinks tomorrow, have your talk, and see what happens. If it goes poorly, cancel plans for Friday.
> 
> I would want to know where I stand before spending all day with her on Friday.


True, but be pleasant and upbeat no matter what happens. If you decide to cancel Friday, she will get the hint and I believe in a more effective way than stating it to her. 

It communicates that you are not ok with it, that you are not so needy that you cant pass up the chance to spend time with her if you are not ok with it, but without sounding like you are trying to tell her what to do. She will get the message and react accordingly, in any case, make sure she knows you are happy and comfortable with your standards. Strong and attractive stance, while still respecting her.


----------



## Lifescript

It feels like cool and fun is the way to go here. Just go with the flow and see what happens. We haven't really been seeing each other not even a month yet. And we had not talked about exclusivity. 

I can see her having a good time with me tomorrow and Friday. Going out with him Saturday and that being the end of that. Her deciding to not do that again. The question is do I want her after that. Something about it feels wrong.


----------



## Liam83011

Well, as a divorced man doing OLD, I pretty much assume that usually if I am dating someone, especially early on, that they are seeing others as well, b/c they put themselves out there for that sole purpose on a dating site. 

My attitude is that A) I have to determine that I actually like her first and B) if I even do want her, she is going to probably like me more than the other guys she is dating because of my attitude. 

I think it is a little different when it is in ex b/c the ex knows them very well and there is an investment, so it is a little harder to shake the known than the uncertain-- you in this case. But I would still advise to be cool and fun and know that with or without her you are going to be doing well and having fun. 

I don't begrudge you not wanting her to see her ex but don't burn any bridges as she may be running back sooner than later if she associates you with positivity and fun and he is a drag.


----------



## BlueWoman

LifeScript, My boyfriend (I guess he's that) had lunch with his exgf and they talked about hanging out more. He asked me what I thought about it. It's the beginning of the relationship so I told him, I didn't have the right to ask him not to hang out with her, but that I would be very uncomfortable with it.

That said, I'm feeling weird about dating this guy, and I can't decide if I'm being commitment phobic or just am just seeing things that make him unattractive. The sex is amazing. That's the best part of him. And I do like that he's intelligent. But I do feel over whelmed by this guy. I think he wants more than I want. I don't want serious. I don't want to be part of his family. I want someone to do fun things with and to have sex with. So far we have had a lot of sex. 

Tonight, I'm supposed to meet his kids. He has a D18 and a S12. I'll admit, it's making me nervous. And I think it's too soon. We haven't even been dating for a month. (Almost a month.) But his kids are leaving town on the first to visit relatives, and they won't get back until after I have left for England. And by the time I get back, his son will be in Florida with his mom. 

I also feel overwhelmed by the fact that he is still in constant battle with his ex wife. He's about to start legal with her about the custody of his ex. And that is pretty much all he wants to talk about. And maybe it's mean, but I find it boring. I don't want to be his support network. Not after a month. 

But again, the sex is amazing. And frequent. I have had more sex in the last two weeks than I had in my last 5 years in my marriage. 


And in the meantime, I am having a wonderful pity party about my EXH. I went to talk to the academic advisor at the university in town. It doesn't have the exact degree I want, but it's in town and I have a support network here. And I found out that there is no way I can do the degree program without working full time. No grants, no scholarships. And it made me bitter. The deal was I put my ex through nursing school and he was supposed to put me through to get my Ph.D. And yeah...that didn't happen. I'll get over it, but today kind of sucks.


----------



## Lifescript

Blue Woman, 

Sorry about the situation. 

Talk to him and tell him that while you undertand he has issues with his ex you would prefer not knowing all details or that you talks revolve around it. Tell him you want to take things slow. For things to develop naturally. 

He should undertand that. If you don't want to be part of his family. Tell him you want to just have fun. He will take the hint. 

Good luck on the meet with the kids.


----------



## Lifescript

Liam, 

I'll play it cool. We are going out tomorrow for drinks and Friday. She called me and said she feels guilty about it. And kept asking if I'm ok. I said yes. 

She says she wants Friday to come and for Saturday to never happen and it can just jump to sunday. I said if you are feeling that way then it means you don't really want to go. 

I think she is confused but also want to know where I'm at. Maybe the ex is promising her the moon and she wants to know if I see her as long term potential.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> Liam,
> 
> I'll play it cool. We are going out tomorrow for drinks and Friday. She called me and said she feels guilty about it. And kept asking if I'm ok. I said yes.
> 
> She says she wants Friday to come and for Saturday to never happen and it can just jump to sunday. I said if you are feeling that way then it means you don't really want to go.
> 
> I think she is confused but also want to know where I'm at. Maybe the ex is promising her the moon and she wants to know if I see her as long term potential.


Why did you lie to her and tell her you were ok with it? Also I feel you are assuming too much... Over analyzing completely.

And if she is feeling guilty, maybe there is more to it than just ex's getting together to catch up. 

Just seems like so much unneeded energy and drama at this point.


----------



## Lifescript

I didn't say I was ok with it. Just didn't give her an ultimatum about it. She's having second thoughts already. I'm planning to have a fun night with her tomorrow and Friday (if tomorrow goes well). By end of Friday I'm banking on she will cancel on him. She will find that she will be losing out on a great guy. 

If she wants to date us both. I won't do that. At that point then I don't think she knows what she wants and I don't want to be with that kind of girl.


----------



## FeministInPink

BlueWoman: a person who talks/b!tches about his ex/former relationship constantly isn't ready for a new relationship 

It's one thing if you've asked and he answers the question, because the conversation will move onto something else. But if he's holding on a lot of anger or unresolved fruatrations, etc over the failed relationship... he's not ready.


----------



## FeministInPink

PS and it sounds like he's REALLY rushing things with having you meet the kids so soon. Another sign that he's not really ready. He hasn't thought about how his kids will react to meeting a new woman--and how does he know the two of you will still be together 6 months down the line or whenever it is that his son comes back from his mom's house?

I'm seeing a lot of red flags with this one, I'm sorry to say...


----------



## BlueWoman

Don't be sorry, FIP. I need to hear it. It clarifies for me that I am in fact uncomfortable with the situation because I should be. And as much as I like the sex, it's not enough. And yeah, I am uncomfortable with meeting the kids so early. 

It wasn't bad. The daughter definitely has some serious anxiety issues, and you can tell she was super uncomfortable. The son was fine. He's just an easy going kid. 

And yeah, he got divorced, and immediately jumped into a relationship, they broke up, and within a week, he and I started dating. 

Also, I don't think I'm ready. I am still gun shy. Plus the news I got yesterday, means that if I really want to follow my dreams, I have to leave.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> I didn't say I was ok with it. Just didn't give her an ultimatum about it. She's having second thoughts already. I'm planning to have a fun night with her tomorrow and Friday (if tomorrow goes well). By end of Friday I'm banking on she will cancel on him. She will find that she will be losing out on a great guy.
> 
> If she wants to date us both. I won't do that. At that point then I don't think she knows what she wants and I don't want to be with that kind of girl.


The last type of woman you would want to invest in is a woman that doesn't know what she wants.

She's not ready for a relationship sure but personally though if I was in your shoes I would still keep it going - just continue having fun and flirt as 'friends' and see about getting some 'benefits' but nothing more for the time being.

But that's just me


----------



## FeministInPink

BlueWoman, if you don't think you're ready, don't push yourself. Take whatever time you need.

What's this news? You mean about doing a PhD program?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> The last type of woman you would want to invest in is a woman that doesn't know what she wants.
> 
> She's not ready for a relationship sure but personally though if I was in your shoes I would still keep it going - just continue having fun and flirt as 'friends' and see about getting some 'benefits' but nothing more for the time being.
> 
> But that's just me


Beyond that, she's not making him feel good about what he is getting so far. I'm leery about a woman who discusses one relationship with another one. What, is she too cheap to get a therapist? Sorry man, that is a failure doesn't matter if it's a woman or a guy. 

Reminds me of ski guy date I had a couple winters ago. Dude gets me on the chairlift and starts telling me how he was all ready for sex with former girlfriend and then she comes out of the bathroom and starts telling him how she still had feelings for this other guy and wanted to be with him, maybe, and didn't think it was right to be seeing him...mind you she was in the bathroom getting ready for sex when this occurred to her. So not only did I have to listen to ski date dude's issues, but also had to hear second hand about some other woman's issues. All while trapped on chairlift...Calgon, take me away. 

Anyone who discusses their current dating life involving other people with a date is either playing some serious 'compete for me games' (usually unwarranted, but plays into the 'it's not worth it unless you have to win it' advice that is doled out in women's magazines and how to win a husband forums and 10 hour DVD courses costing a few hundred dollars) or is seriously messed up.

Of course there is middle ground, or if you guys were friends for quite a while and were okay with discussing things like that...but you're not and there shouldn't be any middle ground or excuses. It either makes you feel good now or it doesn't. 

Sometimes censoring is a gift. It's one she's not giving.

And oh, ski dude's story? Turns out it was recent as in maybe just a few days recent.


----------



## Lifescript

Homemaker, 

She's not really discussing her relationship. We made it clear that we wouldn't be talking to each other about other people. 

She's actually in therapy to deal with some trauma caused by her mother while she was being raised. 

The truth lies somewhere in the middle. I'll play it cool and see what happens. 

Oh boy, that story sounds awful. I know you probably wanted to jump. Lol


----------



## BlueWoman

FeministInPink said:


> BlueWoman, if you don't think you're ready, don't push yourself. Take whatever time you need.
> 
> What's this news? You mean about doing a PhD program?


Yeah. If I stay in town and get the kind of PhD program that is offered here, I 1) won't get a degree in my dream topic and 2)won't get enough financial aid, and I won't have enough opportunities to do clinical supervision

But if I go to university that offers a Ph.D. in what I really want, I will have a much easier time getting financial aid, in addition I will be able to do supervision of student SLP's. 

So I have to look at my options.


----------



## FeministInPink

BlueWoman said:


> Yeah. If I stay in town and get the kind of PhD program that is offered here, I 1) won't get a degree in my dream topic and 2)won't get enough financial aid, and I won't have enough opportunities to do clinical supervision
> 
> But if I go to university that offers a Ph.D. in what I really want, I will have a much easier time getting financial aid, in addition I will be able to do supervision of student SLP's.
> 
> So I have to look at my options.


Go for option #2. Getting a PhD is too much time and too much hard work to focus on anything other than your dream topic. Getting a PhD is a labor of love.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

BlueWoman said:


> Yeah. If I stay in town and get the kind of PhD program that is offered here, I 1) won't get a degree in my dream topic and 2)won't get enough financial aid, and I won't have enough opportunities to do clinical supervision
> 
> But if I go to university that offers a Ph.D. in what I really want, I will have a much easier time getting financial aid, in addition I will be able to do supervision of student SLP's.
> 
> So I have to look at my options.


There must be more to it than what you've described, because from here, the choice looks pretty obvious!


----------



## Liam83011

BlueWoman said:


> Yeah. If I stay in town and get the kind of PhD program that is offered here, I 1) won't get a degree in my dream topic and 2)won't get enough financial aid, and I won't have enough opportunities to do clinical supervision
> 
> But if I go to university that offers a Ph.D. in what I really want, I will have a much easier time getting financial aid, in addition I will be able to do supervision of student SLP's.
> 
> So I have to look at my options.


So, to go back to the guy...wow. He really insisted on meeting the kids less than a month after dating? That's rough on the kids is my first thought. Makes me question why? Sounds like he doesn't feel safe unless he is in a marriage type situation and is trying to create instant relationship. 

Having fun is so much more fun. So much less stress and drama. I guess I would say the same for Lifescript-- have fun, stay out of drama, and if you are stressed and worried about things when you are not with them (AND when you are with them), you probably are not having fun. You should be relaxed and happy. You feel better and make better decisions from that state of mind.


----------



## moxy

Lifescript said:


> So she was texting me last night from 6:30 - 10:30. I was at the gym and doing some stuff. I didn't reply to her texts. I don't want her to think I'm too available. Maybe it was a mistake? Anyway ... I called her around 10:45. It went to voicemail. Didn't leave a msg.


Playing games never works. You don't want her to think you're available? Well, the message you are sending is that you're uninterested. Would you treat a friend this way who was calling to chat? It couldn't have hurt to send a short text that said "Hey. I'm at the gym. I'll text you later." And, why not leave a message? You're either self-sabotaging or you don't like her much; that's what it looks like.



Lifescript said:


> She usually texts me first thing in the morning. She's a fitness freak and wakes up super early. She usually texts "hey, on my way to yoga. Have a great day." Stuff like that.


Sounds like she is being nice and making an effort to stay connected. 



Lifescript said:


> Being that I gave her a call. I feel she should be the one to text. I'm guessing she's mad I didn't reply for hours or she may be thinking I was with someone else.
> 
> If I text her now after having called last night I think I run the risk of being seen as needy.
> 
> Any advice?



Instead of being worried about being seen as needy, you should be worried that you're being seen as someone who is uninterested. Don't worry to much about who should be doing the texting and who shouldn't. No need for games. She may have been offended that you didn't reply, or she may think you don't like her very much. 

Send a short message that says, "Hey, I was at the gym last night and didn't get a chance back to you until today. Just wanted to say hi and wish you a good morning." And then, leave it at that. Maybe she will reply, maybe not. If you like her, show it.

I'm being a little to the point here, but mainly because I feel like you're over analyzing instead of acting. Why do you think you're doing so?


----------



## moxy

BlueWoman -- chase your dream. Doctoral programs are so very demanding and you will resent the hell out of yours if you don't do what you truly love.


----------



## Lifescript

Moxy, 

I felt like she could tell I was falling fast for her and I didn't want to be seen as desperate. 

Mood point now. She said she thinks maybe we shouldn't hang out until she figures out her situation with the ex. That she doesn't want to hurt me. 

On I go ...


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Moxy,
> 
> I felt like she could tell I was falling fast for her and I didn't want to be seen as desperate.
> 
> Mood point now. She said she thinks maybe we shouldn't hang out until she figures out her situation with the ex. That she doesn't want to hurt me.
> 
> On I go ...



Werent you supposed to meet her tonight? God, thats awful but she probably saved you alot of heartache if she is flip flopping. Im sorry it worked out this way.


----------



## moxy

Life, It looks like things have taken a pause, after all. Maybe it will be good for you to do so, as well. If she texts you in a few days when she sorts out her feelings, would you reply? 

Desperation isn't good, but there's a difference between liking someone too much and wanting to have just anyone in one's life too much; in my mind, the former is falling for someone and the latter is desperation. I think that sometimes, it can come across pretty clearly which is the case, if one is attentive. If you seem into *her* and have been paying attention to your interactions, that's good. If you seem hung up on the dating, the game, the outcome, it will seem like desperation.

Example from my experience. There's a guy who I met online that I think is attractive. We have a couple of real life friends in common and so I don't want to seem like a ho by doing things I will be ashamed of. So, I'm being a little extra cautious. Additionally, I'm grieving the loss of my dad, so there are some days I feel social and some days I just know I won't be a good social partner at all. I took the honest route, telling the guy that I am going through a big loss and that I do find him attractive, but would maybe like to go out with him later when things for me are less miserable, if he's still available then. He took later to mean like a day. :/ he's been persistent and texts me often. I am polite when I reply. Eventually He just starting asking me when I'd come over. I replied and said I'm not into a hook up and would rather meet someone to date; if that's what he wants, about a coffee date first? He liked that idea and said he wanted to. Next thing I know, he's sending me videos, snapchat style and d!ck pics. Hmm...the message that sends is that he is either not listening to anything I've said, doesn't care because he just wants to get some, or he is just not good at empathy. None of those are good, in my book. The frequency of the messaging and interactions is less significant than the context of those interactions -- if you are interacting on a regular basis, imo. 

Being insensitive will cost you the date, sometimes. I played things a little cooler than I might do (not in this instance), and it's cost me. I guess that what I mean is, if the relationship is likely to work, it will work when both people let their guards down and are genuinely interested in each other, and being too self-conscious might help us mitigate the risk of vulnerability, but that the cost is potentially higher, too.


----------



## Liam83011

Great story Moxy. So this guy is friends of a friend? And started sending you that stuff? Wow. 

Are you going to ghost him or do the slow fade?


----------



## Lifescript

So this is the deal. The ex bf has asked for a chance to talk and she feels she needs to give him that chance. They are talking tonight. Meanwhile she is saying she still wants to see me tomorrow and that she really likes me for more than just having fun. But that she wants to be honest and let me know she's talking to him tonight and that she agreed to go to an event on Saturday. 

On my end I think it was stupid to not reply for hrs. Sent her the wrong msg. I'm not desperate to just have anyone. I want her. That's what's scares. I know I can get hurt down the line. But she's not back with him yet. I see it as a situation where it's known that the other person is dating more than one person and will then decide what to do. It's a chance I'm willing to take. I like her that much. 

Any thoughts?

I'll also be more guarded now and put the brakes on my feelings. Take it slower.


----------



## Lifescript

Cut that guy loose moxy. What a loser.


----------



## BlueWoman

Hopeful Cynic said:


> There must be more to it than what you've described, because from here, the choice looks pretty obvious!


There is more to it. It means leaving my city and my state. It means leaving my support network. 

And it means leaving behind family. My brother lives here in my City. And my mother lives about 3 hours away. 

My mother is in remission from Lymphoma. She has a very high chance of it coming back in the next 5 years and she has already made the decision not to treat it if it does come back.

This means, she has a very high chance of dying in the next 5 years.

And it is going to take at least 5 years to finish the Ph.D. program. Of course all of this may be moot as I might not get in. But I think I will get in.


----------



## BlueWoman

Wow, Moxy. That story sounds horrible. And you know, I guess it's kind of good that you found that out before hand. 

LifeScript, I don't think you should be so flexible on this. She's not trying to decide who she is going to go from casual to serious with. This is not an even playing field. She has a strong connection to her ex. And if she was truly over him, then she wouldn't feel obliged to hear what he had to say. 

I also don't think that waiting a while before returning a text is a bad thing. I hate none stop text conversations. They get in the way of real life. I often have my phone on silent and don't even notice right away that I have a text. So if someone gets upset that I don't' text back immediately, well then they're going to be upset. I also don't expect people to text me back right away. 

But texting aside. I'd be careful. It's too soon to want her that much.


----------



## Lifescript

Blue Woman, 

That's a tough decision you have to make. But if getting that PhD is your dream then go for it. 

I feel like the breakup was recent and so she still has some feelings for him. He has the advantage. She has invested a lot of time I'm that relationship and I'm sure she feels like that's the easy route to go back to him. 

On the other hand, I'm the new guy who she has fun with and who up until recently I felt she was connected to me. She kept sending me pics of her family and abouts mine. Seems so interested. She would call me first. 

She even sent me a text goodnight last Sunday : "xoxo" which means I love you or I care for your? Something like that 

Anyways ... you are right. I gotta slow down. It's too soon for me too be so invested and care this much about this girl.


----------



## Lifescript

She bought me a gift. Something I wanted. I was about to buy her something. Now I'm not sure.


----------



## Liam83011

Don't. Buy. Her. Anything.


----------



## BlueWoman

xoxo=kisses and hugs. 
Don't read too much into that. Lots of people sign off that way. 

Why did she buy you a gift? 
And what was it? 

Buy her a gift later if she and you make it past the next couple of weeks.


----------



## Lifescript

Oh that's what it means ... lol 

She bought me a book of a writer we both like. She read it and I havent. So she said she would wait until I get the book to read it together. The she text me saying don't get it I ordered for you.

She kept saying she liked that I was a genuinely good person and kind hearted. It irks me that it history shows guys like me end up in the losing corner. 

Pity party OVER.


----------



## Lifescript

Fvck it. I'm going to go out tonight regardless. I have a sitter. If I was talking/seeing more girls this wouldn't be such a big thing.


----------



## moxy

Lifescript said:


> Fvck it. I'm going to go out tonight regardless. I have a sitter. If I was talking/seeing more girls this wouldn't be such a big thing.



Good idea! She's not your whole world. No relationship is your whole world. Go have a good time. Que sera sera.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> So this is the deal. The ex bf has asked for a chance to talk and she feels she needs to give him that chance. They are talking tonight. Meanwhile she is saying she still wants to see me tomorrow and that she really likes me for more than just having fun. But that she wants to be honest and let me know she's talking to him tonight and that she agreed to go to an event on Saturday.
> 
> On my end I think it was stupid to not reply for hrs. Sent her the wrong msg. I'm not desperate to just have anyone. I want her. That's what's scares. I know I can get hurt down the line. But she's not back with him yet. I see it as a situation where it's known that the other person is dating more than one person and will then decide what to do. It's a chance I'm willing to take. I like her that much.
> 
> Any thoughts?
> 
> I'll also be more guarded now and put the brakes on my feelings. Take it slower.


Dude, you are setting yourself up for a world of pain. Find someone who is interested in you, and you only. She doesn't know what she wants - and that's dangerous. She's not ready. Plus, by accepting her behaviour, you are sending her the message that you are OK being a maybe or a number 2.

I'd say have respect for yourself and cut her loose. There's no way I'd go out with her when she's going out with her ex.


----------



## unsure78

Exactly script...dont get too invested early. Keep dating around. You may think they are wonderful but let their actions prove it over a long period of time before you really invest yourself.


----------



## unsure78

And I agree with Healer, I would let her go...


----------



## Lifescript

moxy said:


> Good idea! She's not your whole world. No relationship is your whole world. Go have a good time. Que sera sera.


Exactamente. 

The more you think and obsess over something the less likely it will turn out in your favor. 

So I'm out tonight


----------



## Lifescript

Healer, 

I hear you. So she's going to the event with the ex on Saturday. We are going out tomorrow. So far, she's said they are not back together. It bothers me that she is going out on Saturday with him but at least she was honest about it. 

You are right in that this would send the wrong msg. Tomorrow may he the last time I go out with her unless she gets the ex completely out. I'll take tomorrow to see what's up. I'll know by the time we have together. 

But still ... I will definitely start trying to date others. Just so I don't develop oneitis for her. 

Unsure,

I agree. I don't like this dating thing. But have to do it.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

BlueWoman said:


> There is more to it. It means leaving my city and my state. It means leaving my support network.
> 
> And it means leaving behind family. My brother lives here in my City. And my mother lives about 3 hours away.
> 
> My mother is in remission from Lymphoma. She has a very high chance of it coming back in the next 5 years and she has already made the decision not to treat it if it does come back.
> 
> This means, she has a very high chance of dying in the next 5 years.
> 
> And it is going to take at least 5 years to finish the Ph.D. program. Of course all of this may be moot as I might not get in. But I think I will get in.


Well, apply anyways, and make the decision later if you are accepted. What do your family members think of the possibility? Maybe they would be all for you taking the opportunity and not worry that you are farther away from them. I know my family would not want to think they were holding me back from something I really wanted to do.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Healer,
> 
> I hear you. So she's going to the event with the ex on Saturday. We are going out tomorrow. So far, she's said they are not back together. It bothers me that she is going out on Saturday with him but at least she was honest about it.
> 
> You are right in that this would send the wrong msg. Tomorrow may he the last time I go out with her unless she gets the ex completely out. I'll take tomorrow to see what's up. I'll know by the time we have together.
> 
> But still ... I will definitely start trying to date others. Just so I don't develop oneitis for her.
> 
> Unsure,
> 
> I agree. I don't like this dating thing. But have to do it.


Here's how I see it.

If this is her ex from before she and you started seeing each other, it's most likely the classic "oh sh!t" on his part once he caught wind she was dating again. I think it's only natural (given the situation) that an ex would reach out at a time like that. Now, if this was a situation I was in I would be appreciative of her letting me know that her ex requested to chat. If she wanted to, it's up to her. As it's already been said, we don't dictate how others behave or react, we can only control ourselves. 

I personally would be okay with a woman I started seeing at least sitting down and chatting with their ex. It would make me feel uncomfortable yes but at the same time it's suppose to be talking to clear things up. If things were still 'up in the air' once it was over, I'd most likely call it quits for the time being with her. I'm not waiting around for someone to figure out if they want me in their life or not, without being a second thought to someone else. Going out to events (especially if there's no kids between them) is where I'd draw the line, not cool with it. It could be a different story if there were children involved but from what I'm understanding this isn't the case here.

Buying a gift for you and then going out with her ex a few days later isn't something I'd have in my life, that's just me though.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I actually had something like this happen to me last fall and about 7 months later she sent me a message apologizing. To this day I don't think anything negative of her and I get why things went the way they did, at least from my standpoint. 

The thing is, what happened back then still applies to now. There is no 'reset' button and the same questions that lingered back then are still present now. Not a damn thing I can do about that when it's on her end, so it remains as it is and I've continued on my way. 

You'll most likely end up in the same situation, the thing to remember is that it will be a great growing experience for you. I know it was a huge one for me, especially seeing how she was the first woman I had been with since my separation.

It might sting, you'll probably kick some stones around while you mutter to yourself but you'll be just fine. As long as you don't make her pregnant or get financially involved, there be no strings attached to anyone!


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> I don't like this dating thing. But have to do it.


Why?


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> Why?


Probably the same reason you didn't. :grin2:


----------



## vi_bride04

I was asking why he felt he "has" to date... Especially since he doesn't like it 

What is forcing you to date, script?


----------



## Lifescript

Daddio,

I agree with what you've said. Definitely this has been a learning experience. One ... it gives me confidence that I was able to get with her. She's super beautiful and I didn't think I had a chance buy I faked it till I made it. 

She also has given me a blueprint for what I want in a girl. The problem here is she may still be attached to the ex. So if I can find someone like her or better that's not attached to anyone ... touchdown!! 

She texted me tonight and then called me. Said she thought maybe I would like to come over. I jumped on it of course but then she said she was kind of tired and we ended up talking on the phone for like an hr. I'm meeting her tomorrow for a good chunk of the day. I thought she was going to talk to the ex tonight but I guess not. I didn't ask. 

Bride,

I want to be in a relationship. To do that I have to date women. That's why I say I have to do it. Unless I find someone through my circle that I click with right away and then I don't have to do the dating thing.


----------



## bravenewworld

Lifescript said:


> I agree. I don't like this dating thing. But have to do it.


I don't like this dating thing either right now. So I'm not doing it. :grin2:

Went out last weekend and met someone. He was very attractive, in the finance industry. Kind of arrogant. We wound up making out and he tried to take me home. I explained I wasn't ready for that but had a nice time hanging out and smooching. He insisted I take his phone number down. I insisted we just enjoy the night and not make plans to meet up. Ever. Eventually he wore me down and I took his number. Texted him a few days later. Of course, he ignored me. :surprise: 

I need to figure out why I only attract these narcissistic playboy types. I feel like nice and/or normal people have zero interest in me. When I go out, I like to wait for men to approach me first. Maybe if I was less shy I could find a nice guy in the crowd. Who knows. In the meantime I'm eating healthy, working out, and working through my own $hit. No more dating! Or making out. For a little while anyway....

Damn us humans and our sexual needs! Without the yearning pang around my lady parts, this whole "flying solo" thing would be super easy!! >


----------



## bravenewworld

Funny story: My ex karate instructor tried to booty call me! It was so odd. He texted me around 2am telling me he thought I was "super hot" and wanted me to come over to "play around." However, he also said he was kind of tired and wanted me to do all the work so he could "enjoy the view and lay back like a starfish." He must have been LOADED. We exchanged numbers a while back because I was helping him organize a board game night. Awkward. Thank god my pre-paid classes ran out a few months ago.

Men of TAM, please never tell a woman you want her to do all the work while you lay back like a starfish. Not sexy!


----------



## Lifescript

I like to do heavy work. It's my preference. But it's nice when yall take control and do your thing on top of the mountain.


----------



## BlueWoman

Oh yeah, starfish are not sexy. At all. Unless of course I put them in that position. But that's a whole other story.

Anywho, Talked to current guy. Explained that I was feeling overwhelmed. That I do see an ending date for our relationship. And that I wasn't willing to get to serious. He said that he was fine with that, and at this time that actually works out well for him. He said if it changes he will tell me. Basically I told him, that with him I want sex and fun. I don't want the serous stuff at all right now. 

He says he's fine with that. And I feel better. Hopefully he doesn't get burned by this. But at this point, there is not much I can do to prevent that.


----------



## Lifescript

And she just canceled for today. 

Says she's sorry to dissappoint me but she is in a very unhappy and unclear place right now and needs to be alone. 

Last night she called me and said she wanted me to drop by her place. WTF?

maybe deeper issues than I thought with her?

She says please don't be mad. 

I'm not mad. 

Best way to communicate to her that I'll give her her space and when she gets stuff sorted out she can contact me but I'm not waiting in line? When she gets back I may be attached to someone else.


----------



## Lifescript

What's the best way to go about it?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Was she drinking when she talked to you last night? My ex would get even more impulsive than usual when drinking, make comittments and then break them later all the time.


----------



## Lifescript

No. No drinking. 

She likes. I'm sure. She's thinking of going back to him. I think she wanted to see me one final time. She's undecided.


----------



## moxy

If you really want her to know that you might be interested if she changes her mind, send a simple text and then just walk away. Something like "Hey, I have enjoyed getting to know you. Good Luck to you. If things don't work out with the other guy, give me a call." Then, move on and don't sit around and wait for her. She sounds very indecisive and that isn't a good thing for you right now.


----------



## Lifescript

I agree moxy. Should I say I may not be available after? Letting her know I'm not going to be awaiting around.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I agree moxy. Should I say I may not be available after? Letting her know I'm not going to be awaiting around.


No, I don't think so. That's implied. You're walking away. That's all she needs to know. 

YOU need to know that you're not going to wait around. That's for YOU, not her.


----------



## Lifescript

Ok. It's done. I sent her a text. Thanks guys.


----------



## unsure78

Script dont spend one more minute thinking about her. You sent your text, now move on...


----------



## Lifescript

Will do unsure. It's done.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> And she just canceled for today.
> 
> Says she's sorry to dissappoint me but she is in a very unhappy and unclear place right now and needs to be alone.
> 
> Last night she called me and said she wanted me to drop by her place. WTF?
> 
> maybe deeper issues than I thought with her?
> 
> She says please don't be mad.
> 
> I'm not mad.
> 
> Best way to communicate to her that I'll give her her space and when she gets stuff sorted out she can contact me but I'm not waiting in line? When she gets back I may be attached to someone else.





Lifescript said:


> What's the best way to go about it?


Damn Script! This is pretty much exactly (I'm speaking the overall scheme of things) how it went with Petite and I. That's crazy. Rofl.

It was a lot of back and forth things on her end, meanwhile I knew what I was looking for in regards to the big picture. She was unsure. In the end I told her that I had to stop talking to her and cut contact as it was the best thing for me.

Every so often we would text one another and I'm guilty of being a provoker of such texts but eventually it started to feel hollow again on my part. I wasn't even really ever mad at her, upset a bit at the fact things turned out the way they did sure, that being said I couldn't keep putting myself in a situation like that.

Seeing how I have first hand experience in a situation such as this - being your first real thing after your ex wife - my advice is this. Sit down with yourself and figure out what you want in the big picture. I'm going to guess you want something monogamous, the whole 'blended family' picture like myself. Understand that this isn't going to happen within 6 months, a year or even 2 years, it will take (and should take) a while to get to that solidified relationship. If that's what you really want, then it will take time and with that being said you shouldn't accept anything less than that.

So when she comes back to you (and she will), stick to those boundaries of what you want. Seeing how she isn't sure of what she wants, gone back and forth on you, it's now completely within your right to set a boundary on her no longer talking to her ex. It's clear as day that it's causing issues within her, so she needs to resolve that within herself before ever wanting to start something with you. 

You're the type of guy to push aside and not even think of another woman when you have your heart set on one, a woman you are with should do no different.

If she throws herself at you physically without having the emotional aspect in check, restrain yourself. It will either drive her insane and provoke the thought process or it will snap her out of the "I'm so lonely" thing that started it in the first place.

Good luck!


----------



## Lifescript

So she replies that she hasn't chosen anyone. And that my support means a lot to her.


----------



## Lifescript

Daddio,

That's exactly what I want. What you describe. I want to start a new family. We talked about this. Me and her and we seem to want the same thing. I will restraint myself and set boundaries so I don't get hurt. 

Something along the lines that ... until she figures out her feelings and the situation about with her ex we shouldn't talk because I don't want to put myself in that situation. That I know what I want but she's not sure.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> So she replies that she hasn't chosen anyone. And that my support means a lot to her.


You're *supporting* her by standing back and removing yourself from the situation. What she doesn't understand (or need to know) is that it's more about you than her. Yes, it's the right 'move' overall if things were to one day progress but that's up in the air and in the meantime you'll continue to seek out what you want.



Lifescript said:


> Daddio,
> 
> That's exactly what I want. What you describe. I want to start a new family. We talked about this. Me and her and we seem to want the same thing. I will restraint myself and set boundaries so I don't get hurt.
> 
> Something along the lines that ... until she figures out her feelings and the situation about with her ex we shouldn't talk because I don't want to put myself in that situation. That I know what I want but she's not sure.


We differ on that front. I'm snipped and no longer wanting anymore children as I'm satisfied with my two kiddos and more than open to a blended family with someone who already has kids. So a 'time frame' for having kids with someone isn't on my to do list. If it was though, I know for a fact I personally wouldn't have any kids with someone unless we were living together for at least a year and financially stable.

Give yourself a couple weeks before diving into anything else, I'm sure there will be more coming from her end within that time.


----------



## Lifescript

Blue Woman,

See ... talking with him was the best thing. Sex away!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lifescript said:


> No. No drinking.
> 
> She likes. I'm sure. She's thinking of going back to him. I think she wanted to see me one final time. She's undecided.


Undecided?! If you're only running even with an ex-boyfriend (there had to be a REASON for that breakup!) then she's not worth continuing to date.

You want to date a woman who knows you're clearly the guy for her, instead of being undecided or stringing you along just in case.

Sounds to me like she's mostly interested in this ex of hers, but if it doesn't work out with him, you're her second choice. But she can't come out and say that, otherwise you'd be out of there!

If she didn't still having feelings for this ex, or want to see if there's a chance of being with him again, she'd just say 'screw him, I'd rather be with Lifescript' and not give him a second thought.

She might be an awesome woman on the outside, but clearly she's still harbouring feelings for her ex and doesn't think you're amazing enough to go no contact with him.


----------



## FeministInPink

Remember... it's either fvck yes or fvck no. Meaning... if it's not "Fvck YES!!!!!" then it's a fvck no, and walk away.


----------



## Lifescript

I hear you HC and FIP. 

She says she is in a bad place. She goes to therapy. I give her credit for that. She says she is alone and haven't decided to be with the ex. So maybe she just wants some time to think things through. Doesnt change my plan which is to live life the best I can and have fun along the way. 

I don't feel rejected. I see it as she is comparing between an ex she has years invested in (he proposed some time ago) and me (new guy) who she likes but is not sure about things panning out. Like everything else, in life, you have to take risks. I told her yesterday that it she wanted us to be exclusive and to be just us on a more committed level I was down with that. 

If she contacts me again and wants me around I'll tell her I'm not ok with any contact with the ex. I'll se boundaries.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lifescript said:


> I hear you HC and FIP.
> 
> *She says she is in a bad place. She goes to therapy.* I give her credit for that. She says she is alone and haven't decided to be with the ex. So maybe she just wants some time to think things through. Doesnt change my plan which is to live life the best I can and have fun along the way.
> 
> I don't feel rejected. I see it as she is comparing between an ex she has years invested in (he proposed some time ago) and me (new guy) who she likes but is not sure about things panning out. Like everything else, in life, you have to take risks. I told her yesterday that it she wanted us to be exclusive and to be just us on a more committed level I was down with that.
> 
> If she contacts me again and wants me around I'll tell her I'm not ok with any contact with the ex. I'll se boundaries.


Personally, I would not date a work in progress. People should get their head on straight first before dating! You just end up hurting an innocent person otherwise.

You can be firm with her while still sympathetic. Tell her you can see she's unsure of herself, and that you want to find a woman who gives you an unwavering "Hell yeah!" Keep being a friend to her, if it's not too awkward, but also keep dating anybody else interesting who may come your way.

Of course, I'm still waiting for someone who makes me go "Hell yeah!" and it's been five years of not looking.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> I told her yesterday that it she wanted us to be exclusive and to be just us on a more committed level I was down with that.
> 
> If she contacts me again and wants me around I'll tell her I'm not ok with any contact with the ex. I'll se boundaries.


*cringes*

Well considering that I'm in 'similar' circumstances as her right now - unable to move on from ex-wife, someone else trying to tell me 'be exclusive to me' would kill whatever attraction I had for them.

If I was in your shoes I would have just played along, sought out a FWB arrangement with zero commitment and stopped emotionally investing. But, oh well.

I'm STILL trying to get ex-wife in a good position to bring up reconciliation though, had our daughter to deal with this week... bah!


----------



## moxy

Lifescript said:


> So she replies that she hasn't chosen anyone. And that my support means a lot to her.



Don't reply. Move forward.


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> *cringes*
> 
> Well considering that I'm in 'similar' circumstances as her right now - unable to move on from ex-wife, someone else trying to tell me 'be exclusive to me' would kill whatever attraction I had for them.
> 
> If I was in your shoes I would have just played along, sought out a FWB arrangement with zero commitment and stopped emotionally investing. But, oh well.
> 
> I'm STILL trying to get ex-wife in a good position to bring up reconciliation though, had our daughter to deal with this week... bah!


I thought I'd let her know where I was at. If me telling her that I see her as long term potential turned her off then she's definitely not right for me.


----------



## Lifescript

This surely sucks! 

Each time a text comes in I think is her and then I see is not. 

More attached than I thought I was. 

I'll have a chat with Jack Daniels tonight. Going out to shake this off. 

Right now we were supposed to be at an art gallery and to the movies later ... blah


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lifescript said:


> This surely sucks!
> 
> Each time a text comes in I think is her and then I see is not.
> 
> More attached than I thought I was.
> 
> I'll have a chat with Jack Daniels tonight. Going out to shake this off.
> 
> Right now we were supposed to be at an art gallery and to the movies later ... blah


Is it really wanting HER though, or just being thrilled at the idea of being the one chosen by someone?

Being chosen by someone who clearly has baggage from the last relationship isn't necessarily a good thing. It's going to linger a while even if she does call you up. Keep looking.


----------



## Lifescript

I want her. 

I feel no sense of competition with this other guy. My ego is in check. I liked our times together.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> This surely sucks!
> 
> Each time a text comes in I think is her and then I see is not.
> 
> More attached than I thought I was.
> 
> I'll have a chat with Jack Daniels tonight. Going out to shake this off.
> 
> Right now we were supposed to be at an art gallery and to the movies later ... blah


It's the natural swing of things for guys like us. A few drinks and some time away from your phone (as in put it on mute without vibrations) will do a world of good for you.

Oh, go hit the gym. Hit that fvcker hard. Each. Day.


----------



## Lifescript

Ha! 

Guess where im heading now ... the gym. It always helps. An extra umph today.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Speaking of dates / meeting people, I have plans to meet up with someone I've been chatting with for a month or so. It's been quite a while since I was looking forward to meeting a woman!


----------



## Lifescript

When u meeting her? Tonight? Good luck man. 

Had she not canceled we would be in the movies cuddling like teenagers right now ... sigh 

Pity party over


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> When u meeting her? Tonight? Good luck man.
> 
> Had she not canceled we would be in the movies cuddling like teenagers right now ... sigh
> 
> Pity party over


Tomorrow afternoon.

It's better off that way for you. You know it.


----------



## Lifescript

Yea .. I know


----------



## Lifescript

She just texted me that she misses talking to me. 

....

I've been thinking about her the whole freakin night.


----------



## BlueWoman

Oh Lifescript, 

This woman is trouble. She doesn't want you (enough). But wants to keep you on the hook. Back away, very slowly. And as soon as you think it's safe, RUN!

There is a certain type of woman who needs men into her for her ego, but doesn't really want to give anything back. Actually, I know some men like that. But in any case, you've got one of those. If you allow yourself to get hooked you are going to end up miserable. 

Don't text her back.


----------



## Lifescript

I haven't but believe me it has taken some strength. The fact I had some drinks is not helping. I miss talking to her too. 

I'm going to bed. 

Thanks


----------



## RandomDude

Just pull back emotionally and have fun with the physical! Argh!

Waste of a good potential FWB otherwise!


----------



## SARAHMCD

He's too invested emotionally to be able to be fwb with this woman.
And I agree, pull back and run. She is keeping you dangling because she NEEDS someone in her life. Not because she WANTS you. What is her history with men? Does she tend to overlap? Has she ever been single for a good period if time?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> I haven't but believe me it has taken some strength. The fact I had some drinks is not helping. I miss talking to her too.
> 
> I'm going to bed.
> 
> Thanks


Are you certain you don't live in the same city and seeing the same gal I was? Say nothing. If you do, all you're putting out there is that it's okay to treat you like this.

Also, what is she, 15? It hasn't even been a day yet.


----------



## Lifescript

Yeah. Too emotionally invested. This experience has shown me I get attached too quickly. And next time with another woman I will even be more guarded and not let things escalate emotionally so quickly. 

A text this morning with her calling me something she knows I like to be called. 

If only she would change her mind and not go to the event tonight with the ex. That's been on my mind. 

Maybe I should ask? If she says she's going tell her that I thought she said she needed to be alone. Then a reminder that we shouldn't talk much or at all unless he is out of the picture. 

Going to a bbq today. Bunch of people will be there. I hope to chat up some girls and get numbers. This is how I will get out of it by seeing other women. 

It's true what they say. That the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone.


----------



## Lifescript

Sarah,

Don't know much about her history with bfs. According to her she has had 3 long term relationships (including this one). So when she's with a guy she tends to stay with him for 2-3 years. She's adventurous so I'm sure she's had her fun too when not in a relationship.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Yeah. Too emotionally invested. This experience has shown me I get attached too quickly. And next time with another woman I will even be more guarded and not let things escalate emotionally so quickly.
> 
> A text this morning with her calling me something she knows I like to be called.
> 
> If only she would change her mind and not go to the event tonight with the ex. That's been on my mind.
> 
> Maybe I should ask? If she says she's going tell her that I thought she said she needed to be alone. Then a reminder that we shouldn't talk much or at all unless he is out of the picture.
> 
> Going to a bbq today. Bunch of people will be there. I hope to chat up some girls and get numbers. This is how I will get out of it by seeing other women.
> 
> It's true what they say. That the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone.


You're a recovering co-dependent. That's a gigantic umbrella that covers a lot of things. Welcome to the club. 

What's with the asking? You don't ask a single damn thing Script, c'mon man! Your boundaries speak for themselves and the only one who silences them is you by going back on them at consideration for her.

Right now you're allowing yourself to be the backup plan to whatever she's going through. She's completely entitled to feel how she feels and to do what she wants to do (which could include seeing her ex after blowing you off and then sending texts that evening and the following morning). That doesn't mean you need to be a part of it.


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks for the 2x4. I need it. 

I told her to call me if things with the ex don't work out. I regret sending that text because I don't want her if she goes back to him. I won't be her plan B.


----------



## Healer

bravenewworld said:


> Funny story: My ex karate instructor tried to booty call me! It was so odd. He texted me around 2am telling me he thought I was "super hot" and wanted me to come over to "play around." However, he also said he was kind of tired and wanted me to do all the work so he could "enjoy the view and lay back like a starfish." He must have been LOADED. We exchanged numbers a while back because I was helping him organize a board game night. Awkward. Thank god my pre-paid classes ran out a few months ago.
> 
> Men of TAM, please never tell a woman you want her to do all the work while you lay back like a starfish. Not sexy!


Wow. What a dou$hecanoe.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> And she just canceled for today.
> 
> Says she's sorry to dissappoint me but she is in a very unhappy and unclear place right now and needs to be alone.
> 
> Last night she called me and said she wanted me to drop by her place. WTF?
> 
> maybe deeper issues than I thought with her?
> 
> She says please don't be mad.
> 
> I'm not mad.
> 
> Best way to communicate to her that I'll give her her space and when she gets stuff sorted out she can contact me but I'm not waiting in line? When she gets back I may be attached to someone else.


Run away. Don't look back.


----------



## Healer

moxy said:


> If you really want her to know that you might be interested if she changes her mind, send a simple text and then just walk away. Something like "Hey, I have enjoyed getting to know you. Good Luck to you. If things don't work out with the other guy, give me a call." Then, move on and don't sit around and wait for her. She sounds very indecisive and that isn't a good thing for you right now.


She will contact him again, and continue to **** around and lead him on and play him like a fiddle. This one is a lost cause and will only cause him grief. 

LS, you're holding out faint hope and somehow a little hooked on the mystery/drama/waffling/flakiness. 

She gets off on it too - knowing she can keep you dangling, keep things maybe going with her ex and knows you'll be there anytime she gets a whim or wants some no-strings attention from you.

This will happen over and over.


----------



## Lifescript

Healer, 

So a text back saying something like ... "like I said. Until you figure things out with the ex and as long as he's in the picture we shouldn't talk much." 

I'd like to be there for her. She's going through some family issues too. As a friend I'd like to be there but now it's too late. I'm too involved emo so I gave to get out.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> Healer,
> 
> So a text back saying something like ... "like I said. Until you figure things out with the ex and as long as he's in the picture we shouldn't talk much."
> 
> I'd like to be there for her. She's going through some family issues too. As a friend I'd like to be there but now it's too late. I'm too involved emo so I gave to get out.


I understand you're caught up with this woman - but she's sees you very differently than you see her, and that won't change.

You're a fallback to her, and the more you say "well I'll be here when you're ready", the more she'll continue to use you as that fallback. You can't just be there as a friend to her, you're too invested emotionally.

You're saying "I'll be here waiting for you whenever you need" basically - and that makes you a convenience to her - no investment or work needed from her - she's USING you bro.

Just walk away - totally. That's what I would do, anyway. I wouldn't text or call her at all anymore - I would vanish her, completely. That will likely cause her to flurry text/call you, as the more unavailable you are, the more she'll want you, but ONLY because you're unavailable. As soon as you engage and are there for her again, she'll drop you again and you're back to "no risk, no investment, no work emotional fix-guy" .

I know this type of woman. You can't win brother, seriously.

Walk away and find an available woman who likes YOU, not what you can offer her without her giving ANYTHING back.

There are endless women out there waiting for you, that won't play you like this. Trust me!


----------



## Healer

And watch - if you disappear, she text you with bait - calling you something you like to be called, giving you false hope, BAITING you. You'll take the bait, and BOOM, back to square one.


----------



## Lifescript

Yes. I think you are right. 

I know what I got to do. 

Live and learn. 

Moving on.


----------



## BlueWoman

Lifescript said:


> I'd like to be there for her. She's going through some family issues too. As a friend I'd like to be there but now it's too late.


No you don't want to be there for her as a friend. You guys are not friends. Everybody has issues and problems. You can't take them all on. Don't give in to that rationalization. 

That said, you should be proud of yourself. Because instead of being a codependent mess, you came here and talked it out and established boundaries. Way to go!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> Yes. I think you are right.
> 
> I know what I got to do.
> 
> Live and learn.
> 
> Moving on.


Yup! You never know, down the road she might reappear in your life a better her and boom, you'll be making babies 2 years from now! Or she'll come back and it will be the same ol' story. 0


----------



## Lifescript

06Daddio08 said:


> Yup! You never know, down the road she might reappear in your life a better her and boom, you'll be making babies 2 years from now! Or she'll come back and it will be the same ol' story. 0


Yes. This wasn't our time.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

BlueWoman said:


> No you don't want to be there for her as a friend. You guys are not friends. Everybody has issues and problems. You can't take them all on. Don't give in to that rationalization.


I agree. And, you CAN (and will) be a good friend by showing faith in her that she can deal with her own issues on her own or with professional help or the usual and appropriate supportive types of people: established friends and trusted family. She doesn't need a man to fix her problems or to improve her life. You can't win this one...if you stick around then she will eventually resent you for needing to stick around to be supportive as you'd be showing her that you think she's so weak and friendless and without resources that you think she needs you in some way. I mean, she was supposed to be your date, and now you know too much, too soon...

Law of the wild. Find someone as emotionally strong as you want to be for this woman, and then you'll have met your match. No need to go helping someone pull up their big girl panties...

Next thing you know, she'll be accusing you of taking advantage of her when she was vulnerable...


----------



## 06Daddio08

My meet up / date (whatever you want to call it) went rather well, if I do say so myself. She's quite the woman.

Our schedules are heavily conflicted due to co-parenting, my work schedule and her schooling but in all honesty I think that's a good thing. Forces it to be more casual and slower paced, not over-saturated with sporadic feels and emotions. Exactly what I need in my life. 

So, I shall take it from there and see how life plays out!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Oh boy. My lease says I have private use of my front, back and side yards. I have a deck in back where I like to sit and read or work or just have my coffee, etc. My dining area also opens out onto that deck and I sometimes use that for quiet activities as well. I also store my bike, kayak, kids' bikes and have a garden in back with some ornamental things that mean a lot to me (and are also private, I don't want people near them, one is a memorial). 

So today I'm working after returning from some bike riding and volunteering and I hear yelling and shouting and loud laughter and banging etc. coming through the back windows. I go down a couple times to check and see nothing. I keep thinking, someone is messing around in my yard. I hope my bike and boat are okay. Who could be out there? Finally I see two kids running through the back yard, one coming from around the side where the bikes and boat are and running around the embankment where my garden is. I call down to them from the upstairs window (before I'd gone downstairs and outside on the deck...) hey, this is my private back and side yard and it's not okay for you to be playing back here. You need to keep over in your own yard, please. I'm trying to work and besides this is our yard. We really don't want anyone in it near our stuff and making so much noise right outside our windows. One of them looks up and it's the neighbor, the mom who is out playing with her kid! I'm really sure she has the same kind of lease I do as I was assured when I moved in that the yards adjoining my unit were private. I have the end unit so this is a big deal. 

I never go through her back yard and I mean never, even though it would be more convenient to drag my kayak over the grass vs. shoulder carry it to my car. Even if I know she's not home I still would not go in back of her unit or the other tenants' units. I would rather die. I would be so mortified if I did even one time, just to be lazy, and someone saw me. Actually I would worry so much about what people would think of me if I just passed over their yard let alone treating it as my own to play in.

I figured their lease also says exclusive use. Actually I'm sure of it since the landlords told me all the yards were private to the tenants (each to their own outside their own units and it's specified exactly where these areas are in the lease.) There are no houses or anything in back of our place, just the lawn and some marsh and then a farm you can't see because of tree cover. So it really is private and exclusive and the rent reflects that.

I'm really disappointed. I shouldn't have had to deal with this. 

There is a public park about a 1 minute walk away, down by the river. :-|

***************
The big thing about being single is having your privacy!
Especially at home.
***************


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Yes. I think you are right.
> 
> I know what I got to do.
> 
> Live and learn.
> 
> Moving on.


Sorry to be late on this (i just read the past couple of days). I think you made the right choice. She needs time to figure out what she really wants. You cant be her friend because you want more. I would give her distance and maybe in the future you to can get together if its meant to be. 

Its cool you were healthy enough to put a boundary down. That says alot about where you are. You are due and ready for a good relationship


----------



## bkyln309

06Daddio08 said:


> My meet up / date (whatever you want to call it) went rather well, if I do say so myself. She's quite the woman.
> 
> Our schedules are heavily conflicted due to co-parenting, my work schedule and her schooling but in all honesty I think that's a good thing. Forces it to be more casual and slower paced, not over-saturated with sporadic feels and emotions. Exactly what I need in my life.
> 
> So, I shall take it from there and see how life plays out!


Good luck. Its sounds like a very positive date.


----------



## moxy

I've been so exhausted lately. After losing my dad, things changed at home, and a lot of people need support from me. As I am the one without a family of my own, I have the most flexible time, but I am spending so much of my time taking care of my mom and my siblings and their kids that any free time I have left is spent trying to catch a few hours of sleep a night or cleaning and de cluttering the house. My whole life has not only been called into question, but those questions have been put on hold. I feel like I should be trying to date or meet people, building some kind of a life for myself, but I have nothing for myself let alone anything left to give, and the start of any relationship of any kind is unlikely to yield support. I'm sad, and lost, and lost some more. When I do meet people online, they turn out to want something either casual or kinky or both, and it usually makes me feel disrespected (I have no problem with casual or kinky, in general, but I find that right now isn't the time for either of those things; I just want someone to be nice to me and want to hang out, not necessarily someone to tear my clothes off and wear me out). That in-between space that I'm in right now is really difficult to make sense of.


----------



## FeministInPink

Moxy, some people will take advantage of those of us who are single--they think we have nothing better to do. Make sure you're prioritizing yourself and taking care of your needs. I can see you taking care of your mom. But your siblings are responsible for their children, and do they have spouses? They should be leaning on their spouses for support. Don't give so much of yourself, and forget to find support for yourself. 

Easier said than done, I know.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker--that may be what the lease says, but sometimes people don't give a sh!t.


----------



## moxy

FIP, I wish I were better at safeguarding my own energy. My family doesn't intentionally take up all my time, as my codependent tendencies are to give it without question. I don't have much in the way of support for myself in general, though. I have a few friends, but they don't live nearby, and so my support network is my family, and they are also the ones who need my help....so, there's a cycle. My sisters and their spouses have busy lives, but their time is less flexible, whereas mine is more so. Of course, it's also true that I'm depressed and not able to make my work a priority because my heart isn't in anything. I find myself missing my ex-h, missing Guy, but that's just the memory of comfort that I'm missing, I think.

Anyone know any good movies involving grieving and dating at the same time? Or novels? Maybe that will help, since my time is so weird right now.


----------



## FeministInPink

I know it's hard. I wish I had some good suggestions/resources, but I don't.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> I know it's hard. I wish I had some good suggestions/resources, but I don't.



It's okay. Just the reminder that I have to make an effort to take care of myself is a good one.


----------



## RandomDude

Hell I'm such a ***** with ex-wife, why can't I just lay it out and get it over and done with?! Hell even contemplating writing a letter... bah!

/end vent


----------



## TheGoodGuy

moxy said:


> FIP, I wish I were better at safeguarding my own energy. My family doesn't intentionally take up all my time, as my codependent tendencies are to give it without question. I don't have much in the way of support for myself in general, though. I have a few friends, but they don't live nearby, and so my support network is my family, and they are also the ones who need my help....so, there's a cycle. My sisters and their spouses have busy lives, but their time is less flexible, whereas mine is more so. Of course, it's also true that I'm depressed and not able to make my work a priority because my heart isn't in anything. I find myself missing my ex-h, missing Guy, but that's *just the memory of comfort that I'm missing, I think.*
> 
> Anyone know any good movies involving grieving and dating at the same time? Or novels? Maybe that will help, since my time is so weird right now.


You're right Moxy. I find myself missing the same thing from time to time. It's not that I miss my ex, I just miss the life I had where we could share things like duties and responsibilities (and all of the good things in this life as well of course). 

I try not to complain too much because I know there are many single moms making it through this situation and figuring it out. And damnit, if they can do it, so can I! I'm a man damnit! :grin2:


----------



## Lifescript

Saturday night watching the fireworks with a bunch of friends many who have wives and gfs. I was holding my son. Beautiful moment for sure. But really felt like I wanted someone there to be with me. Her head resting on my shoulder watching the fireworks dance in the dark sky .... sigh 

I hear the movie a message in a bottle is good. The guy lost his wife and falls in love with someone else.


----------



## bkyln309

Well, I booked a vacation by myself for August at an adults only resort in the Carribean. I havent been on a vacation for 6 years. Since the divorce I kept saying I need adult time on a beach away from work and kids to decompress. But I always talked myself out of it even though I have the money. I like to sock the money away just in case. I always put the money towards the kids.

However, this year my X has the kids and my close friends are away for my birthday. My birthdays have been pretty awful as a rule. I thought maybe the older man and I would do something but he appears to be planning vacation for the rest of the year and none of it includes me (even the week of my birthday). 

So I decided to book a vacation for me, without the kids. No friends, no SO. Im excited. I did text the older man that I bought myself a birthday present. He seems abit shocked I booked a vacation. Oh well. I cant wait around until he decides to include me in his life. Im not mad at him. But he has to realize Im going to do stuff without him if he is not going to plan stuff with me.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> You're right Moxy. I find myself missing the same thing from time to time. It's not that I miss my ex, *I just miss the life I had where we could share things like duties and responsibilities* (and all of the good things in this life as well of course).
> 
> I try not to complain too much because I know there are many single moms making it through this situation and figuring it out. And damnit, if they can do it, so can I! I'm a man damnit! :grin2:


Ha ha, my XH never bothered to actually shoulder his half of the responsibilities, so being single is pretty much the same to me, in that respect! I don't mind it so much now, now that I'm doing it for myself. But in my marriage, I really resented my XH for not pulling his weight. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he had shown any sort of appreciation for everything I did, but he never did.

I do miss the extra income, though. That part was nice.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Well, I booked a vacation by myself for August at an adults only resort in the Carribean. I havent been on a vacation for 6 years. Since the divorce I kept saying I need adult time on a beach away from work and kids to decompress. But I always talked myself out of it even though I have the money. I like to sock the money away just in case. I always put the money towards the kids.
> 
> However, this year my X has the kids and my close friends are away for my birthday. My birthdays have been pretty awful as a rule. I thought maybe the older man and I would do something but he appears to be planning vacation for the rest of the year and none of it includes me (even the week of my birthday).
> 
> So I decided to book a vacation for me, without the kids. No friends, no SO. Im excited. I did text the older man that I bought myself a birthday present. He seems abit shocked I booked a vacation. Oh well. I cant wait around until he decides to include me in his life. Im not mad at him. But he has to realize Im going to do stuff without him if he is not going to plan stuff with me.


This is AWESOME! You totally deserve it, and you will have a great time. If the all-inclusive includes alcohol and tips, go all-inclusive... a la carte drinks adds up really quickly.

Why is OM shocked that you booked a vacation? You DO have your own life, and good for you! You're right, you can't wait for him to include you in his life. Create your own awesome; and if he's lucky enough, *maybe *you'll let him tag along.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> This is AWESOME! You totally deserve it, and you will have a great time. If the all-inclusive includes alcohol and tips, go all-inclusive... a la carte drinks adds up really quickly.
> 
> Why is OM shocked that you booked a vacation? You DO have your own life, and good for you! You're right, you can't wait for him to include you in his life. Create your own awesome; and if he's lucky enough, *maybe *you'll let him tag along.


Apparently OM doesnt want to tag along. He basically told me yesterday how he has planned out all his vacation time through the end of the year. Including a wedding where he is taking his daughter instead of me.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Apparently OM doesnt want to tag along. He basically told me yesterday how he has planned out all his vacation time through the end of the year. Including a wedding where he is taking his daughter instead of me.


It seems pretty clear that he's already decided that you don't have LTR potential. If I were you, I would be walking away.

ETA: That's a pretty passive-aggressive slap in the face, isn't it? I mean, c'mon--really???

ETA 2: Is it a singles resort? I would make plans do go get my slvt on, then


----------



## bravenewworld

Lifescript said:


> Saturday night watching the fireworks with a bunch of friends many who have wives and gfs. I was holding my son. Beautiful moment for sure. But really felt like I wanted someone there to be with me. Her head resting on my shoulder watching the fireworks dance in the dark sky .... sigh


And maybe a kiss. Or two. Or three. Sigh indeed. 

Something about the summer can make a person lonely. Had a dream about my ex last night....first time in many months. Looked at his social media - he had just posted a pic of him and his new gf. This guy has already had three relationships post-d and I have yet to have one. #pityparty #ratherbealone #mostofthetimeanyway


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> It seems pretty clear that he's already decided that you don't have LTR potential. If I were you, I would be walking away.
> 
> ETA: That's a pretty passive-aggressive slap in the face, isn't it? I mean, c'mon--really???
> 
> ETA 2: Is it a singles resort? I would make plans do go get my slvt on, then


Yes, its a singles resort. Go me!! Time to get my beach body on!!!

And I know the writing is on the wall. I know I need to address it. But it feels too good right now to lay the ax to the root which is what I know I should do. He is PA as all get out.


----------



## RandomDude

EleGirl said:


> research is showing that men and women get different feelings/emotions from sex. With orgasm, women get a flush of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This bonds them more strongly to their partner and makes them feel a strong love attachment. Women’s brains produce 7-12 times as much oxytocin than mens do during sex.
> 
> Read more: Sex: Why it makes women fall in love - but just makes men want MORE! | Daily Mail Online


=/

Is this true?
Should explain why women in general have such a hard time keeping emotions from FWB relations


----------



## SecondTime'Round

I'm throwing myself into this thread as someone fully single again, although nowhere near ready to actually date. But, I've dated as a divorced woman before so I do feel like I have value to add .


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime, you have input whether you've dated or not, whether you're currently attached or not!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> SecondTime, you have input whether you've dated or not, whether you're currently attached or not!


Awww, thanks! I just know I'm not at all emotionally ready to date right now, so not sure where I belong!


----------



## moxy

Second, sometimes we talk about things other than dating, too. Being single is about so many things.


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> Awww, thanks! I just know I'm not at all emotionally ready to date right now, so not sure where I belong!


You belong right here with us, because you are awesome


----------



## IDon'tKnowAnymore

Dear TooNice,

If the information about your Ex's relationship (FB... etc...) is hurting you, please... PLEASE do yourself a favor, and stop looking. Unfriend him, and stop looking at his status, at his posts, at anything he does. I know this is probably easier said than done, and it takes time and practice, but you're hurting yourself. 

Don't second guess what HE's going to think if you unfriend him or block him. WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS??? Just do it FOR YOU.

Let me ask you something: suppose you were not you, but your best friend, or your daughter, or your mom... what advice would you give HER? Would you not suggest the same?

Call your friends, go out for coffee, become more social. Do SOMETHING else. But don't sit home and obsess over your EX. Because you know what? He's not sitting there thinking about what you're doing.

"Life is too short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don't care."

So let it go, and move on with your wonderful, wonderful life. Or what WILL be a wonderful life, once you move on with it. 

JUST DO IT.
You'll be amazed at what you discover.


----------



## IDon'tKnowAnymore

research is showing that men and women get different feelings/emotions from sex. With orgasm, women get a flush of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This bonds them more strongly to their partner and makes them feel a strong love attachment. Women’s brains produce 7-12 times as much oxytocin than mens do during sex.

Read more: Sex: Why it makes women fall in love - but just makes men want MORE! | Daily Mail Online


OMG!

This explains EVERYTHING!
And... I'm going to remain celibate for the rest of my life!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

IDon'tKnowAnymore said:


> research is showing that men and women get different feelings/emotions from sex. With orgasm, women get a flush of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This bonds them more strongly to their partner and makes them feel a strong love attachment. Women’s brains produce 7-12 times as much oxytocin than mens do during sex.
> 
> Read more: Sex: Why it makes women fall in love - but just makes men want MORE! | Daily Mail Online
> 
> 
> OMG!
> 
> This explains EVERYTHING!
> And... I'm going to remain celibate for the rest of my life!!!


Well, this just explains SO MUCH... and is also incredibly discouraging. Because... when all you really want is to just get laid, but if you're a woman and you do, you'll likely fall in love. What's a lusty not-looking-for-a-serious-relationship woman supposed to do?

Here's the link to the article, for anyone who wants it:
Sex: Why it makes women fall in love - but just makes men want MORE! | Daily Mail Online


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Well, this just explains SO MUCH... and is also incredibly discouraging. Because... when all you really want is to just get laid, but if you're a woman and you do, you'll likely fall in love. What's a lusty not-looking-for-a-serious-relationship woman supposed to do?
> [/url]


Agreed. It is not easy for anyone, but especially a woman to have a FWB and not feel bonded. The best thing is celibacy and BOB (battery operated boyfriend). If choosing to try FWB, pick someone you know you aren't compatible with other than physically. Difficult, because obviously you want to sleep with someone you like, but not impossible. Women have the luxury of being more choosy in this regard. I found myself someone 14 years younger. I absolutely like him and we have great chats, fun times and awesome sex. But I know I could never seriously date him. He's a keeper for now!


----------



## Lifescript

So ... she texted me Saturday night saying she misses me. I ignored the text (2 days then). 

Sunday morning she texts again asking how I feel and that she feels so sad about this. I caved. I asked her why she felt sad if this is the choice she made. She says she loves being with me but we are 2 great people meeting at the wrong time. I told her if she misses me and feels sad about this then she should be with me. It's not like she's moving overseas and we will apart or that she has a child with her ex. She says she knows that but that she cares about him and they have been together 3 yrs that for the most part have been very good. 

I said ok. Let's not talk so it's easier on both of us.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> So ... she texted me Saturday night saying she misses me. I ignored the text (2 days then).
> 
> Sunday morning she texts again asking how I feel and that she feels so sad about this. I caved. I asked her why she felt sad if this is the choice she made. She says she loves being with me but we are 2 great people meeting at the wrong time. I told her if she misses me and feels sad about this then she should be with me. It's not like she's moving overseas and we will apart or that she has a child with her ex. She says she knows that but that he cares about him and they have been together 3 yrs that for the most part have been very good.
> 
> I said ok. Let's not talk so it's easier on both of us.


You can't text her anymore. Block her. She's trying to keep you around as her backup plan. But she'll lose respect for you - and you'll lose respect for yourself if you remain in that position. Cut off contact. Completely. Move on. 
If she's still on your mind 3-6 months from now, send her a text to see where she's at.


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> You can't text her anymore. Block her. She's trying to keep you around as her backup plan. But she'll lose respect for you - and you'll lose respect for yourself if you remain in that position. Cut off contact. Completely. Move on.
> If she's still on your mind 3-6 months from now, send her a text to see where she's at.


No text since Sunday. I'll ignore if she texts again. She had a choice to make. She chose him. So I won't be her backup. Nope.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> No text since Sunday. I'll ignore if she texts again. She had a choice to make. She chose him. So I won't be her backup. Nope.


Good for you. Now stick to it! Don't let her tug on your heartstrings.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Well, this just explains SO MUCH... and is also incredibly discouraging. Because... when all you really want is to just get laid, but if you're a woman and you do, you'll likely fall in love. What's a lusty not-looking-for-a-serious-relationship woman supposed to do?


Also makes me wary of even bothering to try finding new FWBs if things don't work out with ex, both the research and my own experiences helping it all to make a disturbing sense of things...



Oh well


----------



## Healer

SARAHMCD said:


> You can't text her anymore. Block her. She's trying to keep you around as her backup plan. But she'll lose respect for you - and you'll lose respect for yourself if you remain in that position. Cut off contact. Completely. Move on.
> If she's still on your mind 3-6 months from now, send her a text to see where she's at.


Agreed, except for the last sentence. 

Just move on and forget about her. Trust me, it can be done.

She baited you, just like I said she would. You respond with what she wants to hear, then she pushes you away again. Don't be the fiddle, bro.


----------



## moxy

Lifescript, she's using you for an ego boost. Forget about her. It's the wrong time for her, and it's the wrong behavior on her part for you. You can do better: maybe someone on the same page?


----------



## TooNice

IDon'tKnowAnymore said:


> Dear TooNice,
> 
> If the information about your Ex's relationship (FB... etc...) is hurting you, please... PLEASE do yourself a favor, and stop looking. Unfriend him, and stop looking at his status, at his posts, at anything he does. I know this is probably easier said than done, and it takes time and practice, but you're hurting yourself.
> 
> Don't second guess what HE's going to think if you unfriend him or block him. WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS??? Just do it FOR YOU.
> 
> Let me ask you something: suppose you were not you, but your best friend, or your daughter, or your mom... what advice would you give HER? Would you not suggest the same?
> 
> Call your friends, go out for coffee, become more social. Do SOMETHING else. But don't sit home and obsess over your EX. Because you know what? He's not sitting there thinking about what you're doing.
> 
> "Life is too short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don't care."
> 
> So let it go, and move on with your wonderful, wonderful life. Or what WILL be a wonderful life, once you move on with it.
> 
> JUST DO IT.
> You'll be amazed at what you discover.


Thank you for your kind words. I'm fine though, really. As I said, I WILL block him, but not until the rest of the circus plays out. It's an information source for me right now to help me better help my son. I never said I was worried about what he will think when I do unfriend him - I really don't care what he thinks. 

And my life is great. I don't think I have given the impression that I am sitting home crying in my tea and obsessing over my ex. That is far from what my life looks like. I run, I date, I go out with my friends... I am moving on quite well with my life, and yes, it IS pretty wonderful. :x


----------



## IDon'tKnowAnymore

Oh.. I would never go for an FWB type relationship in any event. 
BUT... it explains the addictive nature of a GREAT sexual relationship. And the painful "coming down" when it's over.
AND why it's so easy for the guy. He just goes and finds someone else for a shot of dopamine... while your wallowing in the excruciating pain of your withdrawal from HIS brand/flavor of oxytocin!!!

Mother Nature is a manipulative, sneaky b****


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lifescript said:


> No text since Sunday. I'll ignore if she texts again. She had a choice to make. She chose him. So I won't be her backup. Nope.


If she texts again you should be concerned as she doesn't seem mentally stable. She's trying to involve you in a soap opera kind of drama that simply doesn't need to exist.

She'd be the kind of person who stalks...maybe not with any big malicious intent, but who knows what this 'rejection' is going to do to her as she doesn't seem to have very good impulse control what with the saying one thing and doing another, over-sharing, flip-flopping, etc. Be wary.

If she texts again don't ignore. You should text and email her if you have her email that you were being tactful and respectful in your 'suggestion' that you cease contact with each other, but now you will be more clear. Tell her that you are definitely asking her NEVER to contact you again, under ANY circumstances and that it's your right to do so. Remind her that any contact you will consider to be harassment and that you are done, you want to move on and she should too. 

You'll be doing her a BIG FAVOR as this will COMPLETELY remove you from her list of options when she has a 'mood' and needs to make something happen because she's bored/obsessed/unhappy. 

I'm going to stand by my original assessment of her that she was oversharing and is not in any mental state to be involved in a relationship (or at least not a healthy one). I would also take with a grain of salt any stories she has told you of why she broke up with her ex. I think the real story is probably that he broke up with her. Some people just tell really good stories in order to make themselves look more stable. Sure she said she's in therapy, but it sounds like maybe she wasn't completely honest about why. 

You should be firm with the no contact. I've had to use it any number of times when dating around. Some follow-up after the fact has shown me that I made some good decisions. One guy got arrested for putting a video-camera in the bedroom of a couple after doing an energy audit on their home...lol. I knew something wasn't right about the guy. I couldn't prove it at the time but I had to really be clear, if he contacted me there would be trouble/restraining order. 

You don't have to have a 'good reason' for asking for no contact. It's your right. You don't need to prove that she's going to harass you, etc. But if she does after you explicitly asked for no contact, there's your answer. Here is a person with no self control and no personal boundaries or understanding of the legitimate needs of others to have a private life. 

The bottom line here is that when someone has no self control and seem to be having trouble with sticking to their own life when clearly there is work to be done there, you are doing them a huge favor by cutting off an option that is unviable. Lose the knight in shining armor thing. Oh, and I don't know if you had sex with her, but if you did get tested. If you didn't be happy you only had some fantasies, they were probably way better than the real thing.

You also need to get rid of her and make sure she stays away because if you try to date anyone else and there is no restraint/constraint on her part, she will likely interfere/meddle/lie to protect her options with you.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Decided not to be a wimp with my colonoscopy. I had to re-do it because when I tried it before unsedated so I could drive and pick up my kids after school I got woozy when the scope hit my liver and they had to stop. I was way better getting the IV in this time (no whining or fussing) and it was so much easier because the doctor and the tech remembered me - same intake room, same procedure room and were very friendly and cheerful as before (no need to build up trust again...)...and when the scope hit my liver I said, hey more drugs please. I think I might have slept for part of it. 

I stayed over in a private hostel room close to the hospital to avoid the one hour drive in after fasting for over a day, and the hospital provided free transport to and from to my lodging. Nothing like being sedated in metro Vermont. ;-) My kids are away at summer camp.

I guess it's a small thing but I gained a lot of confidence doing this on my own. I am afraid of needles/IV's and don't like being sedated. But it was all fine. The prep was not as bad as it was the first time. I put flavored Crystal Light in the solution and didn't eat much 2 days before and certainly not the day before, only clear fluids. I slept a lot knowing I was going to be picked up and didn't have far to go to get to the clinic.

I also practiced focusing on how smoothly the procedure and the IV would be, vs. all the things that could go wrong or might hurt. None of that happened and I realized that I didn't want to spend so much of my mental energy thinking about bad contingencies, in situations where it is really not useful because competent people are already in charge of things. 

I hate to say it but going on some guided tours this past year might have been really helpful...the procedure just seemed like one of those 'tours' where everything has a plan, you just get the ticket and get on the bus. If only everything in life were so easy.

Now to get on with enjoying the rest of the summer. I have started doing some whitewater kayaking which is a lot of fun. Nothing above Class II though. I have my limits for adventure.


----------



## Lifescript

Thank for the insightful post homemaker. I don't know but her telling me she was going to the event with the ex in my mind sets her apart from other some who straight out lie. There may be some hidden stuff I don't know about and I believe staying away is the best thing because she clearly is not sure about what she wants but I believe she's in therapy.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lifescript said:


> Thank for the insightful post homemaker. I don't know but her telling me she was going to the event with the ex in my mind sets her apart from other some who straight out lie. There may be some hidden stuff I don't know about and I believe staying away is the best thing because she clearly is not sure about what she wants but I believe she's in therapy.


The best place to hide a big lie is under a small truth that cannot be disputed. 

The worst lies are those where the liar convinces him or herself that he or she is really telling the truth...ah, but that would be the definition of delusional. 

Take your pick, either way it's not relationship territory. Unless you like being self-punitive.


----------



## Lifescript

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The best place to hide a big lie is under a small truth that cannot be disputed.
> 
> The worst lies are those where the liar convinces him or herself that he or she is really telling the truth...ah, but that would be the definition of delusional.
> 
> Take your pick, either way it's not relationship territory. Unless you like being self-punitive.


Yea. No, I don't. This one is a next!


----------



## RandomDude

Just when I want to reconcile, ex-wife and I are having arguments... BAH!

WTF is with the timing?! GRRR

/end vent


----------



## SARAHMCD

So I have a FWB who I told up front I wanted to have regular sex with (like once a week to 10 days) NSA. We've been enjoying that, however, beyond the first couple of weeks together, it now usually stretches to once every 2-3 weeks at times. Given, I do live 50 minutes away. I'll text him something flirty maybe a week after we've seen each other last. No response. I'll try again a few days later. No response. Then a couple of days later I'll get an "I'm sorry, I've been busy, yada, yada" and then "do you want to meet up tonight and I'll make it up to you?" I've been putting up with it since I know its simply a relationship for sex and I did say NSA, and the sex is over the top fantastic, but I've reached my breaking point. I guess even in an NSA I expect a certain amount of chasing and flirting from the guy. 
So this week I sent a text on Tuesday (it had been a week since I saw him last) saying "so what's your week looking like? I can do tonight or Saturday. Let me know". Nothing. Then last night late I sent him a sexy photo (not nude) and not my face showing. No response yet. I know he likes those. 
Keep in mind, I do have a life, I have friends, I take classes, I have a full time job, etc so I'm not sitting by my phone every minute just waiting for him. I'm letting him know the nights I do have available. But I don't want to play games. I don't expect him to be available whenever I am, but if I text shouldn't he have the courtesy to text me back within 24 hours? Just to say, sorry, can't do it tonight. I don't expect a reason. I'm not exactly blowing up his phone. I'm guessing he's just not that interested anymore. 

Wow - you'd think a guy would keep his FWBs happy wouldn't you? He seems pretty happy with the sex  He raves about it before, during and after. 

Time to cut him loose or am I expecting too much from a FWB? And if it is too much to expect than this really isn't for me. I have too high a drive to wait 2-3 weeks and I don't want to have multiple partners.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Just when I want to reconcile, ex-wife and I are having arguments... BAH!
> 
> WTF is with the timing?! GRRR
> 
> /end vent


SMH


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> So I have a FWB who I told up front I wanted to have regular sex with (like once a week to 10 days) NSA. We've been enjoying that, however, beyond the first couple of weeks together, it now usually stretches to once every 2-3 weeks at times. Given, I do live 50 minutes away. I'll text him something flirty maybe a week after we've seen each other last. No response. I'll try again a few days later. No response. Then a couple of days later I'll get an "I'm sorry, I've been busy, yada, yada" and then "do you want to meet up tonight and I'll make it up to you?" I've been putting up with it since I know its simply a relationship for sex and I did say NSA, and the sex is over the top fantastic, but I've reached my breaking point. I guess even in an NSA I expect a certain amount of chasing and flirting from the guy.
> So this week I sent a text on Tuesday (it had been a week since I saw him last) saying "so what's your week looking like? I can do tonight or Saturday. Let me know". Nothing. Then last night late I sent him a sexy photo (not nude) and not my face showing. No response yet. I know he likes those.
> Keep in mind, I do have a life, I have friends, I take classes, I have a full time job, etc so I'm not sitting by my phone every minute just waiting for him. I'm letting him know the nights I do have available. But I don't want to play games. I don't expect him to be available whenever I am, but if I text shouldn't he have the courtesy to text me back within 24 hours? Just to say, sorry, can't do it tonight. I don't expect a reason. I'm not exactly blowing up his phone. I'm guessing he's just not that interested anymore.
> 
> Wow - you'd think a guy would keep his FWBs happy wouldn't you? He seems pretty happy with the sex  He raves about it before, during and after.
> 
> Time to cut him loose or am I expecting too much from a FWB? And if it is too much to expect than this really isn't for me. I have too high a drive to wait 2-3 weeks and I don't want to have multiple partners.


Oy, I know what you mean, I'm in the exact same sitch right now, though my/our problems are directly related to conflicting work schedules, and my travel schedule (not distance). I was ready to dump him when the last time stretched out to FOUR WEEKS, and we kind of got into a fight, but then he came over and made it up to me. I told him, don't make me wait 4 weeks again, it's too long! But it now looks like it's going to be 4 weeks again... I don't know what to do, either. On one hand, I'm thinking, it's really, really good, and do I want to pass that up? I don't feel like I'm being used, so what's the harm? But I'm also not really getting what I want, because I want something on the regular.

I'm thinking that I'll have the fun when it comes along, but I need to be simultaneously looking for something else that will better meet my needs. You might want to do the same...


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> .
> 
> I'm thinking that I'll have the fun when it comes along, but I need to be simultaneously looking for something else that will better meet my needs. You might want to do the same...


Agreed. I hate to cut him off completely because the sex is probably the best I've ever had! But I also want it known I'm not happy with the situation. I hate to have to fight with a FWB. The whole purpose of such an arrangement is to have fun right? Not deal with the stress of a bf/gf situation. 
He is a busy guy, I know that, and occasionally our schedules just don't mesh but he also agreed to the "rules" up front. And in the beginning he was over the top flirty, sexting all the time (even from work or while out with friends), etc. Which I loved. Now, not much at all. Guess the excitement of the initial chase has worn off for him. 

Argggg. Guess I need to keep looking. Or its time for me to take a break, reassess and start looking for something more serious.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Agreed. I hate to cut him off completely because the sex is probably the best I've ever had! But I also want it known I'm not happy with the situation. I hate to have to fight with a FWB. The whole purpose of such an arrangement is to have fun right? Not deal with the stress of a bf/gf situation.
> He is a busy guy, I know that, and occasionally our schedules just don't mesh but he also agreed to the "rules" up front. And in the beginning he was over the top flirty, sexting all the time (even from work or while out with friends), etc. Which I loved. Now, not much at all. Guess the excitement of the initial chase has worn off for him.
> 
> Argggg. Guess I need to keep looking. Or its time for me to take a break, reassess and start looking for something more serious.


Argh, I know... I'm very much on the fence myself. Do I want to try to find something serious? I'm not sure, because I'm seriously contemplating leaving this city and going somewhere entirely different. If I get involved, then I won't leave... and will I regret that later? But supposing I do decide to leave, what should I do until them? Live like a celibate monk?

Part of me is thinking, embrace your age, be a cougar, and go after the young boys just out of college and have fun. They're young enough that they have a lot of energy and not a lot of other commitments yet--and they're at that age that they WILL drop whatever they are doing if you text them to come over for sex. There may be some training involved--they are pups, after all--but it could be worth the effort.

>


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Part of me is thinking, embrace your age, be a cougar, and go after the young boys just out of college and have fun. They're young enough that they have a lot of energy and not a lot of other commitments yet--and they're at that age that they WILL drop whatever they are doing if you text them to come over for sex. There may be some training involved--they are pups, after all--but it could be worth the effort.
> 
> >


Mine is 34 - already quite a bit younger than me. Not sure I want to venture into the 20s. I think they may come with other issues? After all, I do want to have a conversation with them before or after. 
Oh - and I did tell this guy the reason I gave up my last FWB was mainly because he couldn't put in the time (other issues too). When I told him this he told me he couldn't believe this guy would give me up so easily! 

I just don't get why he doesn't at least respond to texts? And he's been doing this for awhile so its not like "ok, now he's finally ghosting me. He's done." He just doesn't respond until he's actually ready to meet up that night (for the most part). Then he reaches out like nothing happened. Which I get, but c'mon, you don't have 2 minutes to text me back saying "I can't make it tonight. Thanks for the sexy pic though! Will hold me over until next time - soon!" That's all I'm looking for. I just think its disrespectful not to respond to a text that has a direct question in it. Is it common for guys his age? 
I'm going to tell him I find it disrespectful. I am willing to walk if I don't get more. A FWB is supposed to be fun, as I said. Not blowing up each other's phones and being clingy, but some flirting in between is expected. And responding when one or the other asks to meet one way or the other. 

Nothing is easy apparently.....


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> SMH


Yeah, I get it, I maybe making a mistake... perhaps I've been looking to rebuild something already lost long ago... *sigh*

Still, going to stick to plan, lay out my cards on the table, probably get rejected in the meantime, and actually, chances are I will, but... I'll feel better. I'll stop looking back.

By kicking ex's fingers off the marriage, I have guilt/feeling of responsibility for the divorce. If I give her a 'free hit', let her tell me by her own words that she doesn't want to reconcile, doesn't want to work on our issues, then ok, fine!

Meh I've been procastinating too long, going to lay out my cards - tomorrow morning. Fk it


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> Yeah, I get it, I maybe making a mistake... perhaps I've been looking to rebuild something already lost long ago... *sigh*
> 
> Still, going to stick to plan, lay out my cards on the table, probably get rejected in the meantime, and actually, chances are I will, but... I'll feel better. I'll stop looking back.
> 
> By kicking ex's fingers off the marriage, I have guilt/feeling of responsibility for the divorce. If I give her a 'free hit', let her tell me by her own words that she doesn't want to reconcile, doesn't want to work on our issues, then ok, fine!
> 
> Meh I've been procastinating too long, going to lay out my cards - tomorrow morning. Fk it


You really need to get this out of your system one way or the other.

Just go up to her and bluntly say that you're impressed with how she's matured since your break-up, and you'd like to try dating her again.

She'll either laugh in your face (if she thinks you haven't similarly matured beyond whatever relationship issues you two had) or be receptive.

Don't expect to jump into a marriage-style relationship immediately if she is receptive though. Start slowly with dates so you can evaluate her just as you would a stranger. Whatever changes you perceive in her that make you want to reconcile may only be on the surface or put on for show to make dealing with you easier.

Based on your recent parenting arguments with her though, I'd be prepared for rejection.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Mine is 34 - already quite a bit younger than me. Not sure I want to venture into the 20s. I think they may come with other issues? After all, I do want to have a conversation with them before or after.
> Oh - and I did tell this guy the reason I gave up my last FWB was mainly because he couldn't put in the time (other issues too). When I told him this he told me he couldn't believe this guy would give me up so easily!
> 
> I just don't get why he doesn't at least respond to texts? And he's been doing this for awhile so its not like "ok, now he's finally ghosting me. He's done." He just doesn't respond until he's actually ready to meet up that night (for the most part). Then he reaches out like nothing happened. Which I get, but c'mon, you don't have 2 minutes to text me back saying "I can't make it tonight. Thanks for the sexy pic though! Will hold me over until next time - soon!" That's all I'm looking for. I just think its disrespectful not to respond to a text that has a direct question in it. Is it common for guys his age?
> I'm going to tell him I find it disrespectful. I am willing to walk if I don't get more. A FWB is supposed to be fun, as I said. Not blowing up each other's phones and being clingy, but some flirting in between is expected. And responding when one or the other asks to meet one way or the other.
> 
> Nothing is easy apparently.....


Ah... well, I'm 36, so I consider anyone older than 31 to be age appropriate and relationship material. I think it's perfectly ok for me to venture into the 20's, especially since apparently--according to multiple sources--I don't look like I'm in my 30s. I had one friend/acquaintance, who when he found out I was divorced, responded, "You're divorced? You don't look old enough to be MARRIED, let alone divorced." (He is obviously a post-divorce friend, ha ha!)

ETA: I meant to say that *I* don't consider 34 to be a young pup.


----------



## RandomDude

Hopeful Cynic said:


> You really need to get this out of your system one way or the other.
> 
> Just go up to her and bluntly say that you're impressed with how she's matured since your break-up, and you'd like to try dating her again.
> 
> She'll either laugh in your face (if she thinks you haven't similarly matured beyond whatever relationship issues you two had) or be receptive.
> 
> Don't expect to jump into a marriage-style relationship immediately if she is receptive though. Start slowly with dates so you can evaluate her just as you would a stranger. Whatever changes you perceive in her that make you want to reconcile may only be on the surface or put on for show to make dealing with you easier.
> 
> Based on your recent parenting arguments with her though, I'd be prepared for rejection.


Aye, either way I'll regain my sense of direction in my life - so it's a guaranteed win, even if I lose.

Here goes nothing...


----------



## SARAHMCD

Yes, for me at 47, twenty something guys are just too young. Thirty somethings are focused on career but still partying, if single. Not a lot of spare time. That and being a 50 minute drive away causes infrequency. Plus he has a roommate so we rarely go to his place.
It's hard to throw him back though. Quite yummy. Just I get offended when he doesn't respond. Show me a little respect at least.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Good luck RD. If it's really what you want and not because you are struggling to find a substantial relationship after only looking....a couple of years? In other words don't expect to find with your ex what you had at the beginning with her. That's just a fantasy. It will look very differently now and will carry all your baggage.


----------



## bravenewworld

SARAHMCD said:


> So I have a FWB who I told up front I wanted to have regular sex with (like once a week to 10 days) NSA. We've been enjoying that, however, beyond the first couple of weeks together, it now usually stretches to once every 2-3 weeks at times. Given, I do live 50 minutes away. I'll text him something flirty maybe a week after we've seen each other last. No response. I'll try again a few days later. No response. Then a couple of days later I'll get an "I'm sorry, I've been busy, yada, yada" and then "do you want to meet up tonight and I'll make it up to you?" I've been putting up with it since I know its simply a relationship for sex and I did say NSA, and the sex is over the top fantastic, but I've reached my breaking point. I guess even in an NSA I expect a certain amount of chasing and flirting from the guy.
> So this week I sent a text on Tuesday (it had been a week since I saw him last) saying "so what's your week looking like? I can do tonight or Saturday. Let me know". Nothing. Then last night late I sent him a sexy photo (not nude) and not my face showing. No response yet. I know he likes those.
> Keep in mind, I do have a life, I have friends, I take classes, I have a full time job, etc so I'm not sitting by my phone every minute just waiting for him. I'm letting him know the nights I do have available. But I don't want to play games. I don't expect him to be available whenever I am, but if I text shouldn't he have the courtesy to text me back within 24 hours? Just to say, sorry, can't do it tonight. I don't expect a reason. I'm not exactly blowing up his phone. I'm guessing he's just not that interested anymore.
> 
> Wow - you'd think a guy would keep his FWBs happy wouldn't you? He seems pretty happy with the sex  He raves about it before, during and after.
> 
> Time to cut him loose or am I expecting too much from a FWB? And if it is too much to expect than this really isn't for me. I have too high a drive to wait 2-3 weeks and I don't want to have multiple partners.


Totally get where you're coming from, but I also think you're expecting too much. To me a true NSA situation would not have one partner completely dictating the frequency terms. He's a guy you're casually sleeping with...not a hooker or sex robot. 

If you had an actual and close friendship before the sex started up, I would expect more frequency and thoughtfulness with the texting. But if you didn't, I think it makes sense he's only responding when he feels like it/is horny. 

I don't consider what he's doing "playing games." It just sounds like he's not that interested anymore. It's happened to me before, and it does hurt. Even in casual flings. Most men, in my experience, have "shiny new toy" syndrome unless they are into you beyond the sex.

Feel what you feel, but realize it's not personal. I wouldn't bother lecturing him on his texting habits or "officially" ending the NSA - it would just cause more drama (on your end) than it's worth. Pull back and let him do some of the leg work. If he doesn't, you have your answer. 

I never "officially" end NSA situations where the sex is fireworks because I might get thirsty and want to hit it again. #realtalk #ladylogic


----------



## SARAHMCD

I think you're right. Just feeling frustrated today in general with my life. I won't do anything final. But I will hold off to let him come to me at this point. So to speak


----------



## RandomDude

Reconciliation isn't happening guys, meh, think I'm sick of all this crap anyway, just going to focus on single daddyhood

Mondays are always depressing, once the whole awkwardness wears off I'm going to discuss with her about having daughter over for more days of the week, take a more active role. Two days isn't enough, heck it's more like 1.5 days since ex has her for church.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> *Reconciliation isn't happening guys, meh,* think I'm sick of all this crap anyway, just going to focus on single daddyhood
> 
> Mondays are always depressing, once the whole awkwardness wears off I'm going to discuss with her about having daughter over for more days of the week, take a more active role. Two days isn't enough, heck it's more like 1.5 days since ex has her for church.


We all knew this, RD, you were the only one thinking it could happen. Hoping that you can now move forward and find your happy.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah it's a big weight off my shoulders, can move on freely without second thoughts - either way I finally know I've done everything in my power to preserve my family

I'm sure our co-parenting relations will continue to deteriorate as a result too, I need to establish more presence in my daughter's life to counter her influence. Had a talk with daughter already, she wants to see daddy more often anyway. Ex may object, or she may not, I don't know, the two are also quite close and always have fking plans. One thing ex and I still have in common though, we both love her very much, but it seems it's only a matter of time before there will be more disagreements in terms of "what is best for her"...

Anyway I'm done with 'mating', perhaps it's age, or experiences, I don't know. Going to start ignoring all signs of attraction and opportunities, more like death-traps really to me now, so guess will just to stick to porn, not like I have plans to 'perform' anymore so I don't have to worry about impotence the next time I get laid.

Maybe in the future who knows, but at this point, that future is very distant, have other things in my mind now


----------



## moxy

RD, this might be good for you.


----------



## RandomDude

Ya, 'tis


----------



## Lone Shadow

I went to Virginia Beach for the weekend. Saw Foreigner and Kid Rock play on Friday night. Rained all day Saturday. Spent a couple hours at the beach on Sunday swimming and body surfing before I had to check out and go home. 

People watching. Mmmm. Saw so much eye candy, I think my eyes rotted out of my head.


----------



## bkyln309

SARAHMCD said:


> Yes, for me at 47, twenty something guys are just too young. Thirty somethings are focused on career but still partying, if single. Not a lot of spare time. That and being a 50 minute drive away causes infrequency. Plus he has a roommate so we rarely go to his place.
> It's hard to throw him back though. Quite yummy. Just I get offended when he doesn't respond. Show me a little respect at least.


Im almost 45 and there is no way Im shooting for any man in their 20s or early 30s. YIKES!!!


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> Im almost 45 and there is no way Im shooting for any man in their 20s or early 30s. YIKES!!!


For an LTR...I would want someone close to my age preferably. For a FWB or casual dating, whatever you want to call it, the guy I'm seeing now is 34 (don't knock it til you've tried it!). But that's part of how I can keep it FWB and nothing more. That said, I have dated someone else who was 10 years younger who I never noticed an age difference with. He was very mature and together. 
And hey, guys do it all the time!


----------



## unsure78

Lone Shadow said:


> I went to Virginia Beach for the weekend. Saw Foreigner and Kid Rock play on Friday night. Rained all day Saturday. Spent a couple hours at the beach on Sunday swimming and body surfing before I had to check out and go home.
> 
> People watching. Mmmm. Saw so much eye candy, I think my eyes rotted out of my head.


I was at Virginia Beach too for the weekend


----------



## Garry2012

Poll....when do you think is a good time to share ALL financial matters with your bf/gf? Including a detailed financial plan for retirement etc. Two months into a relationship, 6 months or wait until engaged?


----------



## SARAHMCD

Garry2012 said:


> Poll....when do you think is a good time to share ALL financial matters with your bf/gf? Including a detailed financial plan for retirement etc. Two months into a relationship, 6 months or wait until engaged?



That's hard to say and of course, it depends. But 2 months I would say is too early for a "detailed" plan. General discussions sure and you want to make sure you're compatible in terms of spending habits, etc. If you have some sort of huge debt, that's something I'd want to know fairly early on. 
A detailed plan should be shared prior to engagement stage IMO. Again, checking for compatibility.


----------



## Lone Shadow

unsure78 said:


> I was at Virginia Beach too for the weekend


We may have run into each other and not even realized it.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lone Shadow said:


> We may have run into each other and not even realized it.


Unsure may have been some of the eye candy you were drooling over!:grin2:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy said:


> Third lunch today with.. Hmmm let's call her "HasHer****Together Girl" or "HHST" for short... was great. Really enjoy talking with her. She's funny and witty and our banter is fun. I think our first "real date" will be this Sunday as she's coming to a fancy brunch with me with 30+ people. Really interested to see how she'll be around some people I know and some people I don't.
> 
> Really can't put my finger on this one. My previous long relationships have had a very different (desperate?) spark to them in the beginning that I'm not necessarily getting here, and I think that's because we're going slower. Clearly my picker was broken in the past and I'm trying to go about new relationships in a different way. This feels like the right tempo for now with having sole custody of D9 and almost no time away to date around.


Not sure this one is going to work out. I took HHST out for dinner on Saturday after we went to a Saturday evening church service she invited me to. At dinner she was telling me the most important thing for her was someone who was heavily involved with a church. I don't currently have a church home. I am a Christian and I pray with D9 every single night, but we don't regularly go to church because we're travelling around most weekends. I have no problems with HHST being who she wants to be in terms of her religious needs, but I'm not sure I can live up to that level that she's looking for. Things have been rather "cold" since Saturday evening. So we'll see I guess. I would still like to get to know her better but who knows.


----------



## unsure78

TheGoodGuy said:


> Unsure may have been some of the eye candy you were drooling over!:grin2:


Absolutely! I got a new small pink bikini just for this trip


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## Lone Shadow

I don't drool. Too much class for that. I'll make eye contact and smile, maybe say hi.


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## RandomDude

Had a weird dream last night, curious really, is infactuation possible later in life? You know, the type of infactuation that:

- Makes you feel warm and fuzzy in their presence
- Looking into their eyes seems to stop time around you
- Watching them smile lightens your mood too
- Touching them sends goosebumps all over
- Their voice is music to your ears

I only encountered such rarely and it was way back in the past before marriage, never felt that with anyone I dated recently, wonder if it's a youth thing that I'll never experience again


----------



## BlueWoman

Ugh. I hate dating. 

So after conversation with bf we seemed to come to an agreement. 

Except that of course he's still pushing for more than I want. I don't think he's actually intentionally doing that. But if I'm super strict about keeping boundaries, he would spend every moment of free time with me. 

And I apparently suck at expressing my boundaries, or I'm not direct enough or I don't know...

Anyway, he sent me an email saying that he found it frustrating that I don't respond to everything he sends. (Email and Text) And it's true, I don't. Sometimes I don't respond because I didn't think it needed it. Sometimes, because I don't know what to say. He's out of town this weekend and he texted me the night before he left that he already missed me. I personally am feeling a bit relieved that he is out of town. I can get some stuff done. So I didn't respond to that. I don't miss him. At least not yet, and I feel uncomfortable with him missing me. And how many times do I have to say slow down, before he gets it? 

Anyway, so I wrote back to his email complaining about my lack of communication. And I communicated everything I was thinking. 

I don't think he liked that much. I did tell him that I wasn't responding to any of his rants about his ex wife. I also won't respond if he's texting me at work about sex. I work with kids for goodness sake. I do not want anything sexual around them. Also, I do do social texting when I am at work. 

Although interesting enough, this is the second guy who got mad at me because I don't text enough. 

I also pointed out that I have expressed that I don't want him to spend the night because I can't sleep. But he still tries to stay until I actually have to get up and kick him out. 

And I get that I'm the high maintenance one. But that's the problem. I am not interested in compromising or working these things out, because I can take it or leave it. I like the sex. I even like him. But I don't want him to expect to be a priority, because he's not. That makes me sound so mean and selfish. 

So anyway, he's upset with me. I think. His response was "ummm...wow." Personally, I think he shouldn't have pushed me to say anything until I was ready to say it.


----------



## BlueWoman

Garry2012 said:


> Poll....when do you think is a good time to share ALL financial matters with your bf/gf? Including a detailed financial plan for retirement etc. Two months into a relationship, 6 months or wait until engaged?



I think financial behavior to should slowly be gleaned throughout the relationship. But I think two months is way to soon to be sharing that information. At two months, I don't even think it would be anyone's business what my salary was, much less retirement. 

It probably something that should be done before engagement if that's where you are going. 

I myself have no intention of getting married again, so I can't imagine I will ever share that info.


----------



## bravenewworld

SARAHMCD said:


> I think you're right. Just feeling frustrated today in general with my life. I won't do anything final. But I will hold off to let him come to me at this point. So to speak


I hear you - frustration is my theme as well this week. Went into work on my day off to pick up my check and had a panic attack. I know I need to do something new. Preferably with health insurance. Since my divorce I feel like my life has been full of setbacks. A break would be nice. 

Also had a long time friend tell me he wanted a NSA situation, but he had to have a doctor "make sure I was clean first." I'm all for testing and sharing info - but I thought the way he worded it was super rude. Told him that and also told him we wouldn't be hooking up. Ever. Which makes me a little sad because he is extremely attractive. However, I don't want to get nekkid with someone making me feel badly about myself! I swear I need to figure out if everyone is a jerk or for some reason that's all I attract.


----------



## BlueWoman

bravenewworld said:


> However, I don't want to get nekkid with someone making me feel badly about myself!


Good for you. You absolutely shouldn't be with anyone who makes you feel bad. 

Keep chasing the bad ones away, and eventually there will be room for the good ones.


----------



## Garry2012

BlueWoman said:


> I think financial behavior to should slowly be gleaned throughout the relationship. But I think two months is way to soon to be sharing that information. At two months, I don't even think it would be anyone's business what my salary was, much less retirement.
> 
> It probably something that should be done before engagement if that's where you are going.
> 
> I myself have no intention of getting married again, so I can't imagine I will ever share that info.


thank you. My GF of 6 months just called it quits because I failed to show her a detailed financial plan, with goals and plans for the rest of my life. I thought she was nuts to be asking for that info, but she insisted that this is very common...which I have never encountered before. I am more like you, and I gave her basic stuff to know I am not in any debt and doing ok, some things like college planning I need to work on etc. However, because I didn't share it, she sees it as a trust issue and that she has is too insecure about any future we might have...so she broke it off. Now, I live in a nice middle class house, steady job with a big company and a newish truck..so I don't look poor or struggling to get by at all either.


----------



## BlueWoman

Well. She has the right to ask. But you absolutely have the right to refuse. I can see her point, in that she doesn't want to waste time with someone who doesn't have financial stability. Although, a detailed financial plan, is a bit much for the 6 month mark. 

I don't know. I figure you probably just dodged a bullet.


----------



## RandomDude

Garry2012 said:


> thank you. My GF of 6 months just called it quits because I failed to *show her a detailed financial plan, with goals and plans for the rest of my life. I thought she was nuts to be asking for that info, but she insisted that this is very common*...which I have never encountered before. I am more like you, and I gave her basic stuff to know I am not in any debt and doing ok, some things like college planning I need to work on etc. However, because I didn't share it, she sees it as a trust issue and that she has is too insecure about any future we might have...so she broke it off. Now, I live in a nice middle class house, steady job with a big company and a newish truck..so I don't look poor or struggling to get by at all either.


:rofl:

Oh hell that would trigger me!


----------



## FeministInPink

A "detailed financial plan" might be a little bit much, but by 6 months in, it seems reasonable to try to suss out a partner to make sure you are financially compatible.

@Garry2012 -- you may look like you're doing well on the surface, but for all she knows, you may be drowning in debt to afford that nice middle class home and newish car. That's something I would want to know, too.

ETA: There are a LOT of people in our society who take on insane amounts of debt to keep up with the Joneses. And you can never be sure until you ask.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Oh hell that would trigger me!


That might trigger you, but from her end, she probably wants to make sure that he's not a financial mess before she gets any more serious with him.

Personally, I'd want to make sure he's responsible with money, and isn't going to saddle ME with the burden of taking care of him financially. My XH tended to look at me like a cash cow. I'm not going there again.


----------



## RandomDude

Reminds me of what some friends told me of these bachelorette shows in China where the men compete for the lady by showing off their financial portfolios! I don't know how such can be socially acceptable but meh, 'tis just their culture.

Maybe I'm just too much of a romantic who prefers raw love.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, I want raw love... but I have to be practical, too. I grew up poor. It sucked. I'm smart enough that I went to a really good school, and I'll be able to make decent money for the rest of my career. If I stay single, I won't necessarily be rich, but I'll never have to be poor.

The wrong choice in a partner could seriously fvck all that up for me. I'm not looking for a partner who will ensure that I'll be rich... I just want to make sure a future partner won't bleed me dry and ruin me financially.


----------



## RandomDude

For me when I was poor I still had my pride as a man, meaning that I will never accept money from the woman I'm courting. Ex told me to take her parents offer for a house, I spat at the idea, worked 2 FT jobs instead. So even if I'm poor, it's utterly impossible for me to bleed a woman dry or ruin her financially out of pride. I despise men who do, call them 'boys'

So this makes accepting financial standards difficult for me, I don't see it as 'defending their financial interests' I see it as plain and simple materialism - based on the type of person I am.

But that's just my opinion, I'm probably a minority anyway so meh


----------



## Lone Shadow

BlueWoman said:


> Ugh. I hate dating.
> 
> So after conversation with bf we seemed to come to an agreement.
> 
> Except that of course he's still pushing for more than I want. I don't think he's actually intentionally doing that. But if I'm super strict about keeping boundaries, he would spend every moment of free time with me.
> 
> And I apparently suck at expressing my boundaries, or I'm not direct enough or I don't know...
> 
> Anyway, he sent me an email saying that he found it frustrating that I don't respond to everything he sends. (Email and Text) And it's true, I don't. Sometimes I don't respond because I didn't think it needed it. Sometimes, because I don't know what to say. He's out of town this weekend and he texted me the night before he left that he already missed me. I personally am feeling a bit relieved that he is out of town. I can get some stuff done. So I didn't respond to that. I don't miss him. At least not yet, and I feel uncomfortable with him missing me. And how many times do I have to say slow down, before he gets it?
> 
> Anyway, so I wrote back to his email complaining about my lack of communication. And I communicated everything I was thinking.
> 
> I don't think he liked that much. I did tell him that I wasn't responding to any of his rants about his ex wife. I also won't respond if he's texting me at work about sex. I work with kids for goodness sake. I do not want anything sexual around them. Also, I do do social texting when I am at work.
> 
> Although interesting enough, this is the second guy who got mad at me because I don't text enough.
> 
> I also pointed out that I have expressed that I don't want him to spend the night because I can't sleep. But he still tries to stay until I actually have to get up and kick him out.
> 
> And I get that I'm the high maintenance one. But that's the problem. I am not interested in compromising or working these things out, because I can take it or leave it. I like the sex. I even like him. But I don't want him to expect to be a priority, because he's not. That makes me sound so mean and selfish.
> 
> So anyway, he's upset with me. I think. His response was "ummm...wow." Personally, I think he shouldn't have pushed me to say anything until I was ready to say it.


Doesn't sound to me like you're high maintenance. He sounds like the high maintenance one.

As far as keeping in constant communication goes? Hell with that. When I'm at work, my phone is in the car. When I'm at home, I'm Mr. Mom. I make my calls when I'm on the road to or from work. If I send a text and don't get a response? Oh well, it probably wasn't worth responding to. If you tell me that you're going to call at X time, and I don't hear from you, or you don't let me know in some way that you won't be able to call at that time, then I have an issue. That's more of a respect thing though.

Remember people, it's a phone. Not a leash. Think back to the dark days before cell phones? If you weren't home, the caller left a message. If you didn't get the message until late, you didn't return the call until the next day.

Back on topic- I think this guy has some other issues that he needs to work out, before you get much more involved with him. If it's just for the sex and someone to hang out with on occasion, no worries. Going beyond that? Yeah, he needs to work that **** out first.


----------



## 2&out

Reading here makes me smile and thankful that I am in my early 50's and couldn't give a *hit if I ever have a long term relationship again - which of course as strange as life can be somehow seems to draw them in. Financial plan -- LOL. Getting input on how I *should* be acting - stuff like how much I text or respond to someone elses wants. Never thought I'd be so happy just not caring if I was making someone else happy. Want to have some fun ? Great - and I'll treat you well. Want anything more or else ? See ya and good luck.


----------



## SARAHMCD

BlueWoman said:


> Ugh. I hate dating.
> 
> So after conversation with bf we seemed to come to an agreement.
> 
> Except that of course he's still pushing for more than I want. I don't think he's actually intentionally doing that. But if I'm super strict about keeping boundaries, he would spend every moment of free time with me.
> 
> And I apparently suck at expressing my boundaries, or I'm not direct enough or I don't know...
> 
> Anyway, he sent me an email saying that he found it frustrating that I don't respond to everything he sends. (Email and Text) And it's true, I don't. Sometimes I don't respond because I didn't think it needed it. Sometimes, because I don't know what to say. He's out of town this weekend and he texted me the night before he left that he already missed me. I personally am feeling a bit relieved that he is out of town. I can get some stuff done. So I didn't respond to that. I don't miss him. At least not yet, and I feel uncomfortable with him missing me. And how many times do I have to say slow down, before he gets it?
> 
> Anyway, so I wrote back to his email complaining about my lack of communication. And I communicated everything I was thinking.
> 
> I don't think he liked that much. I did tell him that I wasn't responding to any of his rants about his ex wife. I also won't respond if he's texting me at work about sex. I work with kids for goodness sake. I do not want anything sexual around them. Also, I do do social texting when I am at work.
> 
> Although interesting enough, this is the second guy who got mad at me because I don't text enough.
> 
> I also pointed out that I have expressed that I don't want him to spend the night because I can't sleep. But he still tries to stay until I actually have to get up and kick him out.
> 
> And I get that I'm the high maintenance one. But that's the problem. I am not interested in compromising or working these things out, because I can take it or leave it. I like the sex. I even like him. But I don't want him to expect to be a priority, because he's not. That makes me sound so mean and selfish.
> 
> So anyway, he's upset with me. I think. His response was "ummm...wow." Personally, I think he shouldn't have pushed me to say anything until I was ready to say it.


I'm curious about a couple of things:
1) How are you meeting these guys? Online? Do you say either in your profile or in initial communications that you're not looking for an LTR - ie casual dating only?
2) How often are they texting you?
3) How often are they expecting to meet up? 
4) Do you agree on exclusivity with them?


----------



## Garry2012

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I want raw love... but I have to be practical, too. I grew up poor. It sucked. I'm smart enough that I went to a really good school, and I'll be able to make decent money for the rest of my career. If I stay single, I won't necessarily be rich, but I'll never have to be poor.
> 
> The wrong choice in a partner could seriously fvck all that up for me. I'm not looking for a partner who will ensure that I'll be rich... I just want to make sure a future partner won't bleed me dry and ruin me financially.


We had several talks about finances, and she knew I wasn't in any debt etc. It got to be a real sticking point. Basically I needed to have the detailed plan or she just could feel "secure", and thus couldn't love me. I see it as a control tool..she had already started to tell me what I should and shouldn't be spending money on--and then started to get into how I should parent etc--(she has no kids). I was actually ready to go over a plan with her, but she couldn't wait the 7 days and figured it was just too much work to make me do it.


----------



## Garry2012

RandomDude said:


> For me when I was poor I still had my pride as a man, meaning that I will never accept money from the woman I'm courting. Ex told me to take her parents offer for a house, I spat at the idea, worked 2 FT jobs instead. So even if I'm poor, it's utterly impossible for me to bleed a woman dry or ruin her financially out of pride. I despise men who do, call them 'boys'
> 
> So this makes accepting financial standards difficult for me, I don't see it as 'defending their financial interests' I see it as plain and simple materialism - based on the type of person I am.
> 
> But that's just my opinion, I'm probably a minority anyway so meh[/QUOi
> 
> I get that some data needs to be exchanged to see if I am living over my head and spending like a drunken sailor...but there is a line at which point she just seems like I am HER retirement too.


----------



## bkyln309

Garry2012 said:


> We had several talks about finances, and she knew I wasn't in any debt etc. It got to be a real sticking point. Basically I needed to have the detailed plan or she just could feel "secure", and thus couldn't love me. I see it as a control tool..she had already started to tell me what I should and shouldn't be spending money on--and then started to get into how I should parent etc--(she has no kids). I was actually ready to go over a plan with her, but she couldn't wait the 7 days and figured it was just too much work to make me do it.


You got out and I think you dodged a major bullet. 

I am very sensitive about finances because my X spent everything we owned secretly twice on me. I certainly do not want someone who is a spender and in debt again but I would not ask for a detailed financial plan.


----------



## Healer

unsure78 said:


> absolutely! I got a new small pink bikini just for this trip


poidh.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Healer said:


> poidh.


I'm going to have to second this.


----------



## Healer

BlueWoman said:


> Ugh. I hate dating.
> 
> So after conversation with bf we seemed to come to an agreement.
> 
> Except that of course he's still pushing for more than I want. I don't think he's actually intentionally doing that. But if I'm super strict about keeping boundaries, he would spend every moment of free time with me.
> 
> And I apparently suck at expressing my boundaries, or I'm not direct enough or I don't know...
> 
> Anyway, he sent me an email saying that he found it frustrating that I don't respond to everything he sends. (Email and Text) And it's true, I don't. Sometimes I don't respond because I didn't think it needed it. Sometimes, because I don't know what to say. He's out of town this weekend and he texted me the night before he left that he already missed me. I personally am feeling a bit relieved that he is out of town. I can get some stuff done. So I didn't respond to that. I don't miss him. At least not yet, and I feel uncomfortable with him missing me. And how many times do I have to say slow down, before he gets it?
> 
> Anyway, so I wrote back to his email complaining about my lack of communication. And I communicated everything I was thinking.
> 
> I don't think he liked that much. I did tell him that I wasn't responding to any of his rants about his ex wife. I also won't respond if he's texting me at work about sex. I work with kids for goodness sake. I do not want anything sexual around them. Also, I do do social texting when I am at work.
> 
> Although interesting enough, this is the second guy who got mad at me because I don't text enough.
> 
> I also pointed out that I have expressed that I don't want him to spend the night because I can't sleep. But he still tries to stay until I actually have to get up and kick him out.
> 
> And I get that I'm the high maintenance one. But that's the problem. I am not interested in compromising or working these things out, because I can take it or leave it. I like the sex. I even like him. But I don't want him to expect to be a priority, because he's not. That makes me sound so mean and selfish.
> 
> So anyway, he's upset with me. I think. His response was "ummm...wow." Personally, I think he shouldn't have pushed me to say anything until I was ready to say it.


Whoa. Talk about you 2 being on completely different pages. You know that's only going to get worse, right?


----------



## Healer

bravenewworld said:


> I hear you - frustration is my theme as well this week. Went into work on my day off to pick up my check and had a panic attack. I know I need to do something new. Preferably with health insurance. Since my divorce I feel like my life has been full of setbacks. A break would be nice.
> 
> Also had a long time friend tell me he wanted a NSA situation, but he had to have a doctor "make sure I was clean first." I'm all for testing and sharing info - but I thought the way he worded it was super rude. Told him that and also told him we wouldn't be hooking up. Ever. Which makes me a little sad because he is extremely attractive. However, I don't want to get nekkid with someone making me feel badly about myself! I swear I need to figure out if everyone is a jerk or for some reason that's all I attract.


OMG! What an *******.


----------



## Garry2012

bkyln309 said:


> You got out and I think you dodged a major bullet.
> 
> I am very sensitive about finances because my X spent everything we owned secretly twice on me. I certainly do not want someone who is a spender and in debt again but I would not ask for a detailed financial plan.


I am thinking that more and more--that I dodged a bullet. I don't think that she is a spender, but a control freak for sure. I agree, I want to know how much debt and if this is enough to be a deal breaker...but a detailed financial plan with income and expenses, furture goals, and a detailed plan to meet those goals is too much....especially when I was told I need to report in periodically to show my progress...and she shouldn't have to ask for it. That's the only way she felt like I took the relationship seriously. yikes.


----------



## bkyln309

Garry2012 said:


> I am thinking that more and more--that I dodged a bullet. I don't think that she is a spender, but a control freak for sure. I agree, I want to know how much debt and if this is enough to be a deal breaker...but a detailed financial plan with income and expenses, furture goals, and a detailed plan to meet those goals is too much....especially when I was told I need to report in periodically to show my progress...and she shouldn't have to ask for it. That's the only way she felt like I took the relationship seriously. yikes.


Control freak and OCD most likely. Which means under it all very insecure and fearful. And a horrible way to live your life.


----------



## Garry2012

bkyln309 said:


> Control freak and OCD most likely. Which means under it all very insecure and fearful. And a horrible way to live your life.


its is..and sad. She is relaxed an a wonderful person, UNITL something happens (even is ever so little) that she isn't 100% in agreement with...then you can almost see her fear and stress over the matter...to where it is just unreasonable. Well, back to the drawing board! lol Though I am determined to take a bigger poll to see what the consensus is on financial information.


----------



## RandomDude

Dealbreaker for me, end of story


----------



## FeministInPink

@Garry2012 -- yes, you definitely dodged dodged a bullet with this one. Wanting to make sure sure a potential partner is solid financially is one thing; but her control issues are something else entirely.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Dealbreaker for me, end of story


Bad finances is a dealbreaker yes!


----------



## Garry2012

bkyln309 said:


> Bad finances is a dealbreaker yes!


Both..there is a give and take here...most people don't want to take on tens of thousands of credit card debt, along with poor financial habits. But, demanding full financials early on sends the wrong message as well. Most people it would seem get the information, for the most part, gradually and as they date the person.


----------



## TooNice

Ug. There is a man I have gone out with three times now. First two dates got pretty intense, pretty quickly, and I was finding all sorts of reasons to not want to see him again. But my friends all think I'm too picky and don't give guys a good shot. So... we had dinner tonight. I told him partway through that I felt like we needed to slow down. He was very sweet about it. He is such a romantic, though... I find myself not knowing what to do with that. He brought flowers and a small dark chocolate bar to the restaurant to give to me. Said the sweetest things to me over dinner. Had a bottle of champagne in his car for us to drink while we sat on a blanket in a park. It sounds silly, but I just don't know how to handle that. It's our third date. It's all very sweet, but I was treated unkindly for so long, that it's hard to take in. And while I feel I am ready for a more-than-two dates relationship, that kind of treatment seems overwhelming. He's divorced, too. Was married almost 20 years; divorced for four. Said he's dated some, but has really been focused on his kids. 

Am I doing that crazy running away thing that some people do when a person actually likes them? Or am I right to think it might be a little intense?

Thoughts?


----------



## RandomDude

'tis normal to feel a little smothered

Honestly if I was his mate I would be slapping him left and right going "wake up bro, you're scaring her away"


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

TooNice said:


> Am I doing that crazy running away thing that some people do when a person actually likes them? Or am I right to think it might be a little intense?
> 
> Thoughts?


Ordinarily I'd say that since he's older, he should know better. Younger guys who are of a romantic slant and sincere might do that, it was pretty much a way of distinguishing one's sincerity towards a woman in the late 70's...hookup was like, hey, how's it going...actual date was flowers, etc. 

I went on a ski date when I was 19 with a guy who brought a picnic lunch with wine and glasses, and I was mortified. In hindsight I should have married the guy! He had a such a nice family, too. Hindsight's 20-20. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Now I can see the things he wanted from me where quite nice and ordinary, and the same things I wanted for myself and from a partner. If only I could find a guy like that now!

So, it SEEMS a little creepy and overdone...But here's the thing, maybe this guy has not dated much since he was younger and is doing the same thing he did the first time around. 

I think maybe you need to pay more attention to the presentation of these tokens, vs. the tokens themselves. Does he expect you to be wow'd by them or if you say thank you so much and give him a kiss on the cheek or a hug or a hand-hold, does he just say you're welcome and smile, or does he act like he's God's greatest gift to women and expects to get laid because he's doing all the things the 'book' says he's supposed to do to persuade a woman... If it seems natural and part of his overall personality, that's a great sign. If it seems like he's checking off boxes, I hope it was really good chocolate...take it and run.

Also, don't let your friends' comments lead you against your instincts. It's good to be picky. For every person you let into your bed or heart, there's probably something like 1,000 you shouldn't...probably a lot more. There's a lot of damage to be done, your friends can say things like you're too picky because they don't have to deal with the actual damage repair. You do, so it's your choice. You know yourself best. And there's no need to waste your time talking yourself into things you really don't want to do with your time/energy/emotions.


----------



## Lone Shadow

TooNice said:


> Ug. There is a man I have gone out with three times now. First two dates got pretty intense, pretty quickly, and I was finding all sorts of reasons to not want to see him again. But my friends all think I'm too picky and don't give guys a good shot. So... we had dinner tonight. I told him partway through that I felt like we needed to slow down. He was very sweet about it. He is such a romantic, though... I find myself not knowing what to do with that. He brought flowers and a small dark chocolate bar to the restaurant to give to me. Said the sweetest things to me over dinner. Had a bottle of champagne in his car for us to drink while we sat on a blanket in a park. It sounds silly, but I just don't know how to handle that. It's our third date. It's all very sweet, but I was treated unkindly for so long, that it's hard to take in. And while I feel I am ready for a more-than-two dates relationship, that kind of treatment seems overwhelming. He's divorced, too. Was married almost 20 years; divorced for four. Said he's dated some, but has really been focused on his kids.
> 
> Am I doing that crazy running away thing that some people do when a person actually likes them? Or am I right to think it might be a little intense?
> 
> Thoughts?


I dunno. If after 2 dates you're having to tell someone to slow down, I think I would be running. Calling it a "crazy running away thing" all depends on how you run. If your form is good, it doesn't look crazy. If your form is bad, well...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hold me accountable. 

After months of waffling, I'm going to the senior center today.
There' a Scrabble Social hour and a strength/workout session with a trainer. 
Both free and the center is less than a mile away from my place.
I love to play Scrabble and could use some free-weight (and free) training.
My left knee and my attitude are starting to feel the effects of aging.

I also don't have family other than my kids and feel like if I don't become part of the community in some way I will suffer. I remember going to visit my grandfather at the independent living place he was in, he had my aunt and my cousins in the town where he was and also I used to visit with my then-boyfriend/fiancé. He was so grumpy and isolated, always complaining and fussing and never going to the activities he could have gone to. I don't want to be like that. I am also scared into action by seeing how my boyfriend who had the stroke just stays home and staying obese and not doing anything about his health. Also the friend I inherited from him, has been struggling with staying home and not going out and said he's developing agoraphobia and I found myself thinking, I better be careful or that will be me :-|

I haven't always been so insular. But I think I allowed my experiences with my last two landlords, my ex husband and his circle of 'friends' and some of my more violent presumably-bio family and some of my former neighbors outweigh what I know about most people who are nice and pleasantly, vs. tragically, flawed. I need to regain my friendliness and stop thinking bad thoughts about people I don't even know...

Part of that is well founded. There are a lot of criminally minded people out there, drugs, guns, outright misogynists, and petty theft and carelessness (people who litter, etc.) but I also know there are loads who aren't like that. 

It seems like damage repair from abusive marriage, and horrible luck in family needs some persistence. Therapy is great. I know who I don't want to be around. Now for the progressive work...which I don't think will actually be work.

I do have some experience with positive community life. Unfortunately it was mostly in the military...but also some other time periods when I wasn't _letting_ relationships hedge me in (investing in the wrong things in the wrong way)...but I know I have it in me to be well-adjusted socially. 

I figure I need to be around people I have basic things in common with - staying healthy and playing scrabble is a start. Also my older son is getting married so I won't just have the little kids as a conversation item when it comes to family convo. The rest of my family is not anything one would talk about socially.


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> I dunno. If after 2 dates you're having to tell someone to slow down, I think I would be running. Calling it a "crazy running away thing" all depends on how you run. If your form is good, it doesn't look crazy. If your form is bad, well...


----------



## Lone Shadow

....I don't have the words...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lone Shadow said:


> ....I don't have the words...


LOL.. but methinks this is a hoax. This site agrees with me
Woman Arrested After Reportedly Calling Her Ex-Boyfriend 77,000 Times


----------



## Lone Shadow

It might be a hoax. It's still terrifying.


----------



## TooNice

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think maybe you need to pay more attention to the presentation of these tokens, vs. the tokens themselves. Does he expect you to be wow'd by them or if you say thank you so much and give him a kiss on the cheek or a hug or a hand-hold, does he just say you're welcome and smile, or does he act like he's God's greatest gift to women and expects to get laid because he's doing all the things the 'book' says he's supposed to do to persuade a woman... If it seems natural and part of his overall personality, that's a great sign. If it seems like he's checking off boxes, I hope it was really good chocolate...take it and run.
> 
> Also, don't let your friends' comments lead you against your instincts. It's good to be picky. For every person you let into your bed or heart, there's probably something like 1,000 you shouldn't...probably a lot more. There's a lot of damage to be done, your friends can say things like you're too picky because they don't have to deal with the actual damage repair. You do, so it's your choice. You know yourself best. And there's no need to waste your time talking yourself into things you really don't want to do with your time/energy/emotions.


Both excellent points, thank you! He's very, very European. Born in the US, but very in tune with his heritage, and I feel like he does expect that I will be wowed by the romance. He's very sweet, I'm just unsure. 

And my friends usually let me follow my gut, but they are pressing this one for some reason. I think the next few weeks will play this out pretty quickly, so we will see what happens. He has called me every day for the past three days, and I likely can't see him again for a couple of weeks. I need to see what kind of space he gives me during this time. 

I know I am choosy, but I agree with you-it's my time and energy and I know what I want... And don't want!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

TooNice said:


> Both excellent points, thank you! He's very, very European. Born in the US, but very in tune with his heritage, and I feel like he does expect that I will be wowed by the romance. He's very sweet, I'm just unsure.
> 
> And my friends usually let me follow my gut, but they are pressing this one for some reason. I think the next few weeks will play this out pretty quickly, so we will see what happens. He has called me every day for the past three days, and I likely can't see him again for a couple of weeks. I need to see what kind of space he gives me during this time.
> 
> I know I am choosy, but I agree with you-it's my time and energy and I know what I want... And don't want!


You may need to show this guy that you can be friends as well as partners. 
I'm remembering a friend of mine, one of three pilots I knew in Quebec when we shared a gite lodging one summer long-term. This one was French, there was one from Morocco and one from Germany. They come to train there since it's cheaper. The French guy was shy and usually kept to himself. I had a kid with me who turned one in the middle of the summer and we had a little party and that kind of brought our group together at the gite. He approached me one day and asked how can he write a sort of love letter to a woman he knew...lol. So I helped him out since I knew him and he was such a nice guy. I can't imagine what it took for him to approach me like that. 

He and one of the other pilots came to visit me in the US when they had to renew their Visas for Canada. Anyhow, he got married to this woman (a doctor from Poland) and last I heard they were very happy. My pilot friend over time proved to be a very nice and caring guy with a good sense of humor. I think until he knew me though, he didn't know many 'girls'. 

Your guy might be the same. It might just take him a while to become a little bit more relaxed. I would take his approach to things seriously, even though it's a little bit off the mark, think about how much more difficult it would be if he were someone who took things super casually but inside was serious. You could try responding a little bit instead of being creeped out and that might encourage him to loosen up and feel more confident and share words and smiles and jokes/stories vs. flowers and chocolate. 

I'd rather have flowers and chocolate than sordid tales of the ex wife...


----------



## TooNice

Lone Shadow said:


> I dunno. If after 2 dates you're having to tell someone to slow down, I think I would be running. Calling it a "crazy running away thing" all depends on how you run. If your form is good, it doesn't look crazy. If your form is bad, well...


Fair point!


----------



## TooNice

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Hold me accountable.
> 
> After months of waffling, I'm going to the senior center today.
> There' a Scrabble Social hour and a strength/workout session with a trainer.
> Both free and the center is less than a mile away from my place.
> I love to play Scrabble and could use some free-weight (and free) training.
> My left knee and my attitude are starting to feel the effects of aging.
> 
> I also don't have family other than my kids and feel like if I don't become part of the community in some way I will suffer. I remember going to visit my grandfather at the independent living place he was in, he had my aunt and my cousins in the town where he was and also I used to visit with my then-boyfriend/fiancé. He was so grumpy and isolated, always complaining and fussing and never going to the activities he could have gone to. I don't want to be like that. I am also scared into action by seeing how my boyfriend who had the stroke just stays home and staying obese and not doing anything about his health. Also the friend I inherited from him, has been struggling with staying home and not going out and said he's developing agoraphobia and I found myself thinking, I better be careful or that will be me :-|
> 
> I haven't always been so insular. But I think I allowed my experiences with my last two landlords, my ex husband and his circle of 'friends' and some of my more violent presumably-bio family and some of my former neighbors outweigh what I know about most people who are nice and pleasantly, vs. tragically, flawed. I need to regain my friendliness and stop thinking bad thoughts about people I don't even know...
> 
> Part of that is well founded. There are a lot of criminally minded people out there, drugs, guns, outright misogynists, and petty theft and carelessness (people who litter, etc.) but I also know there are loads who aren't like that.
> 
> It seems like damage repair from abusive marriage, and horrible luck in family needs some persistence. Therapy is great. I know who I don't want to be around. Now for the progressive work...which I don't think will actually be work.
> 
> I do have some experience with positive community life. Unfortunately it was mostly in the military...but also some other time periods when I wasn't _letting_ relationships hedge me in (investing in the wrong things in the wrong way)...but I know I have it in me to be well-adjusted socially.
> 
> I figure I need to be around people I have basic things in common with - staying healthy and playing scrabble is a start. Also my older son is getting married so I won't just have the little kids as a conversation item when it comes to family convo. The rest of my family is not anything one would talk about socially.


Sounds like you know what you need to do. Good for you. Get out there and get your social on! 

Let us know how it goes!


----------



## bkyln309

TooNice said:


> Ug. There is a man I have gone out with three times now. First two dates got pretty intense, pretty quickly, and I was finding all sorts of reasons to not want to see him again. But my friends all think I'm too picky and don't give guys a good shot. So... we had dinner tonight. I told him partway through that I felt like we needed to slow down. He was very sweet about it. He is such a romantic, though... I find myself not knowing what to do with that. He brought flowers and a small dark chocolate bar to the restaurant to give to me. Said the sweetest things to me over dinner. Had a bottle of champagne in his car for us to drink while we sat on a blanket in a park. It sounds silly, but I just don't know how to handle that. It's our third date. It's all very sweet, but I was treated unkindly for so long, that it's hard to take in. And while I feel I am ready for a more-than-two dates relationship, that kind of treatment seems overwhelming. He's divorced, too. Was married almost 20 years; divorced for four. Said he's dated some, but has really been focused on his kids.
> 
> Am I doing that crazy running away thing that some people do when a person actually likes them? Or am I right to think it might be a little intense?
> 
> Thoughts?


I think romance is a lost art. I wouldnt care that it was the third date. It showed he put some time and thought into making the date romantic. 

We complain so much as women that men dont do this or that or disappear. But when a man actually pays attention to us, we complain its overkill. We cant have it both ways.

I would love for my OM to do any of these things. Count yourself fortunate. You could have the opposite problem (a man not putting any effort into your date at all).

Just enjoy it and wait and see where it goes!


----------



## 2&out

Garry - for women focused on finances IMO the answer is I'll pay my share or half of all living expenses and support my/our kids. Anything more you go get yourself. I never shared or co-mingled money with wife 2 and frankly it worked great and it's the only way I'd ever consider now. We rarely had money issues - we had one house account I put 60% in and she 40 - the rest was our own and off limits to the other. No shared credit cards.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

TooNice said:


> Sounds like you know what you need to do. Good for you. Get out there and get your social on!
> 
> Let us know how it goes!


It went well. I'll go again next week only a bit earlier as there's a lunch beforehand, and the food sounds really good (veggie lasagna...no complaints from me there.)

I got my a** whooped at Scrabble. Which is a good thing. Bored of winning online games. 
I was in the lead for a while but then got a bunch of useless i's and skipped a turn to swap out.

There's a knitting group and a movie day every month, tai chi, line dancing etc.

And, just my speed. Since my brain injury it's really difficult to get synched with the speed of normal life. Everyone talks so fast and switches topics so often :-| I can't even hope to keep up.

I also sent a card (birthday coming up) to my old boyfriend, the one who had the stroke and is not taking care of himself. I said I couldn't bring myself to nag but I also did not agree with what he was doing to himself. Plus I thanked him for how well he treated me before he had his stroke, because it made a difference in how I treated myself after that...it was instrumental in being able to move on from a very bad (abusive) marriage. If only he would treat himself so well, too. Oh well. It's his choice.


----------



## Mr The Other

Hello,
Thanks to all on this thread. It is good reading. 
I am in California and legally separated but not divorced until the court hearing, in August or September.
I am actually in a good place. Still a little stressed about the divorce, but getting better all the time. Late thirties, good salary, nice flat in a college town, in reasonably good shape and not bad looking.
The dating scene is different to Denmark, but I have put my toe in and it seems pleasant.
Cheers!


----------



## BlueWoman

SARAHMCD said:


> I'm curious about a couple of things:
> 1) How are you meeting these guys? Online? Do you say either in your profile or in initial communications that you're not looking for an LTR - ie casual dating only?


This is still the same guy from my last complaint. And I met him online. 
I don't remember what I said. 


SARAHMCD said:


> 2) How often are they texting you?


I'm not really sure in terms of concrete numbers. He could easily hold a long conversation via text through out the day. I don't mind that in the evening when I'm just vegging at night. But during the day, at work? I've got stuff to do. I have had coworkers who live on their cell phones at work. I don't think much of them. 



SARAHMCD said:


> 3) How often are they expecting to meet up?


I think he would like to meet up 3 or 4 times a week if not nightly. I would be fine with once a week. Maybe twice. 



SARAHMCD said:


> 4) Do you agree on exclusivity with them?


I have with this guy. I barely want to date one guy. I can't imagine dating more than one.


----------



## BlueWoman

Healer said:


> Whoa. Talk about you 2 being on completely different pages. You know that's only going to get worse, right?


I suspect so. 

And it sucks because I do like him. 

Anyway, it turns out that what he wanted me to communicate was if I had felt uncomfortable when he said he missed me. 

Which I did, but I didn't really think it was a big deal, except that it added to my over all feeling of discomfort.

We had a pretty big discussion about boundaries. And I admit that I am struggling trying to figure out what boundaries I want. He claims that he doesn't want a serious relationship right now. I'm not sure I believe him. But at this point I have been pretty upfront. Almost mean about it. At this point his feeling are on him. 

That said: 

I did actually tell him that I didn't want sexy texts during the day. I don't mind them in the evening when I'm alone. But it's creepy getting sexy texts while working with a three year old. Besides that, nobody should be texting me unless it's important. I can turn off the sounds, but it's annoying because I have parents texting me about student cancellations and what not. 

But anyway, I figure if he wants to call himself my boyfriend, then I can least set that boundary. Right?

I guess he took me very literally. And started sending them via facebook messenger. :facepalm: 
(Darn Engineers. Way to literal.) 

I actually chewed him out for that. I told him I don't want to articles about sex, pictures of toys, or fantasies at anytime while I'm working. No matter what the medium. I would like to safely check my email without worrying about what a kid is going to see. Or anyone else for that matter. And he's supposed to be working. What is he doing sending me this stuff while he's at work? 

His response was "I'm not very good at this stuff. But I'm trying." Trying at what? How about just don't. 


Seriously, I am looking forward to my sex drive crashing with menopause (please let my sex drive crash). Because then I won't have to bother with dating. This stuff stresses me out. 

We shall see. I'm not quite ready to cut him loose. And you guys are getting my vents not the good stuff. Well the good stuff being amazing and frequent sex. And that he's actually a nice guy. 

But I kind of agree he has some issues to work out. I think he jumped into a new relationship too soon after his divorce. I think he felt like he was ready because he initiated the divorce, but I suspect he wasn't. That relationship ended and he was almost immediately involved with me. So he hasn't had alone time. And I'm not sure he knows how to be alone. 

But I'm going to keep being tough about my boundaries. If he doesn't like them, I accept that he may end the relationship. And I think he should do it, if he wants more than what I can offer. 

And if he keeps pushing my definite boundaries, then I will cut him loose. 



Oh hey, did I mention that I signed up for a course at my local university? I registered as a non degree student, because I haven't applied to the program. But the program director said that she would give me permission to take the class ahead of time to give me more of an idea of what it would entail. It should count no matter what program I end up in. 

I also talked to another SLP who had gotten her Ph.D. from my local university. She definitely gave me some good input and some things to think about.


----------



## BlueWoman

Lone Shadow said:


> ....I don't have the words...



Sigh. That's my city. I probably know her. She's probably one of my coworkers.


----------



## BlueWoman

I don't know, TooNice, I have to say over the top romance really makes me uncomfortable. 

I think it's fine to consider continuing to date him, but pay attention to how he behaves. 

For me, it's the small stuff that matter, not the big showy stuff. Like all those over the top wedding proposals you find on youtube. At first I thought they were really cute. But now I feel like they are just a way for the soon to be groom to show off. 

(There are exceptions of course.) 

If a guy wants to impress me, come and do my dishes or fix my door. That's much more likely to get me interested than flowers or champagne.


----------



## SARAHMCD

BlueWoman, 
It does sound like this guy is a bit early to be this intense. Especially if you've told him that you need to take things slowly and have warned him about some of his behavior. And the fact that he rebounded right after he left his wife and then as soon as that ended he started dating you (if I'm remembering that correctly). Sounds like he wants to fill his life as soon as possible with a replacement. Lots of red flags - that you may be accepting just because there's great sex. Careful. 
I did laugh about you hoping for menopause soon so that you wouldn't feel the need for these dating games anymore. I feel the same way!!! I think I could be so much more productive with my time. Damn libido.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Menopause solves nothing. 

There are no solutions to Freud's porcupine dilemma, for humans of any sexual persuasion, gender or drive.

Except for sociopaths or the saintly. 

For the rest of us, we are doomed to the attraction-revulsion dichotomy.
Or, the delusion-reality cycle...

And always remember, no matter who you are, you are ALWAYS the other person.
That is, you are on the receiving end of someone else's attraction-revulsion cycle. 
No matter how reasonable or attractive or rational or whatever we think we are.

At least there is comfort in knowing that there is some revenge even without trying.
Nature does this to us in order to protect the survival of the species. Hilarious.


----------



## RandomDude

I wish as a male I can have menopause


----------



## Healer

RandomDude said:


> I wish as a male I can have menopause


Wow, dude.


----------



## Healer

BlueWoman said:


> I guess he took me very literally. And started sending them via facebook messenger. :facepalm:
> (Darn Engineers. Way to literal.)


Lol. "To all engineers: please do not eat the big white mints in the urinals".


----------



## Lone Shadow

But.... but... they're so minty!


----------



## Healer

Lone Shadow said:


> But.... but... they're so minty!


They're very refreshing!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Following on from yesterday, I went today to a fitness program at our community center.

I was worried that people would be super fit and I would have a difficult time keeping up. Also that I wouldn't have very much in common with anyone. But it's fine. 
It was all ladies about my age or older (except the instructor who is much younger than everyone else) and that most if not all of the ladies work in some way or did. 

Someone brought muffins to share. 
The class was advertised as core fusion but it turns out to be pilates which I have never done before.

There was a lot of laughing, and I realized I haven't laughed very much lately. 
So that's a good thing.

I'm feeling like the extra cost of living here in terms of housing is very much worth it. Between the schools, the lower crime and the overall positive attitude of most of the people I've encountered it's all very nice. 

I think I will be comfortable buying here in the next couple years. 
Instead of looking for a partnered relationship, I'm now looking for good neighbors.
This seems a more reasonable approach to life.
I have a place in mind, hoping it's still around after the new year comes and that the cost will come down.

It's near the high school, library/senior center, playing fields, a rail trail and close enough to the river and central village and on a dead end. Fingers crossed :-|


----------



## FeministInPink

Sounds good, Homemaker. It's good to be social and laugh from time to time.


----------



## moxy

Insomnia sucks. Pillows in my bed are a nice way to feel less alone. I was finally asleep after two days with no sleep when the burglar alarm went off. I checked every room, including where my mom and little niece and nephew were sleeping. No strangers in the house, though the back door was unlocked. I suppose it may just have been an animal or the wind pushing against the door, but I am now totally agitated again. Reminds me of a time when Guy and I were asleep and someone tried to open his door; that was a humorous moment, but today is stressful because I am worried. Being disturbed like this in the midst of a rare repose is the worst!


----------



## moxy

Yikes. I didn't mean to shut down the convo. I hope you all are just busy having fun!!


----------



## BlueWoman

That sucks Moxy. I hate when my sleep gets messed with. 

Today's is the day. I am breaking up with bf. I don't know if it's me or him or some combination, but it too much work. I feel a constant subtle pressure to give him more than I want. And I constantly feel like I have to reinforce boundaries without him. And outside of the sex... I really don't feel like I am getting much, except for extra obligations. Sex is just not enough to carry this relationship. 

Anyway, I pretty much decided on Thursday, but I wanted to sleep on it. By yesterday I was sure. But I waited until today because he was out of town. Now he's back.


----------



## STONORIVER

Good luck with that talk BlueWoman. If you know its not working for you, best to cut it off early. Sounds like it was just causing too much stress in your life and its not the type of relationship you're looking for.

I'm really worried about my pending talk with my "friends with benefits". Really, we're dating, just not exclusive. Its not hookups. We go out, sometimes we do activities together without even ending up having sex. But I know that he dates and so did I up until a month ago. We're both separated, but his divorce court date is this coming Friday. We agreed with FWB arrangement at the beginning - he told me he liked me as a friend and was attracted to me, but wasn't ready for anything serious and either was I. 

So I saw him last on Tuesday, we had a great date: dinner, cuddling, nice chat, sex, he left (we've never done sleepovers). No set up for the next date per usual. Just a vague reference to "next time you can get the check". We texted Weds. Now 3 days later, still nothing, per usual. I will say that he is very introverted and so am I, so we tend to both need our space. I would never be into the all day or evening texting thing. Don't like phone calls either. But I would like to see him more often than every 2 weeks which is our norm. And he rarely initiates our dates, but always enthusiastically gets on board when I do. We always plan - like at least 2-3 days in advance. 

He's expressed his frustration at OLD and told me 3-4 weeks ago he's not dating anyone right now. He's also opened up more recently how he thinks I've been such a great friend to him and thanked me for that. Followed by a deep kiss and eye lock. He's started complimenting me more about both my appearance and personality. 

So I'm getting anxious since I want to have the "talk" about how I have feelings for him and want to be exclusive, and see if he feels the same way. If he does not, I am preparing myself to walk -although I will be very sad to lose his friendship and the sex! But we can't be casual forever and its been 6 months. However, this week he has an intensive study course Mon-Thurs and then his court date for his divorce Friday. Today and tomorrow he's working. So do I wait until next weekend to either set up a date or just drop by to talk? Or wait him out until he asks me out? I just want to get this over with to know where I stand - I hate to have to wait another full week but I know he's under a lot of stress right now. But then again, if I wait to see when/if he asks me out then that alone could give me my answer.


----------



## BlueWoman

I would feel anxious too, Stonoriver. Those kind of conversations make me nervous.

So I'm a single woman again. And actually it went really well. I think what made it clear was when he asked me if that's why I hadn't talked to him over the week. I wasn't not talking to you. I was just busy, and it's only going to get worse. I think that was when he realized we really were on different pages about it. 

He did ask me what I was expecting being on OKc, and he had a point. The truth is I didn't know what I wanted. I now realize, I don't want a boyfriend. I do want sex, but I'm not sure about the FWB or a FB. At least right now. 

But in the meantime, I have registered for a Ph.D. level class at my local university. The applies as a non degree student and the program director gave me special permission to take the class. If I stay in town, it can apply to the degree I want. If I do go somewhere else, it might transfer, but I should end up with a good writing sample either way.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Yikes. I didn't mean to shut down the convo. I hope you all are just busy having fun!!


You didn't shut down convo... people get busy on the weekends


----------



## moxy

Busy is good, FiP!


----------



## BlueWoman

So I got hurt. My brother and his girlfriend have been asking my POSXH to watch their house while they were out of town. I know that there was no intention to hurt me. They did it because my X lives next door to them. (Which seriously pisses me off when I think too much about it, but that's another story.) It's been bothering me for a while, and I finally called my brother's GF and told her that it really hurt me that they were doing it. I wasn't angry with them, but that I am family and he chose not to be family. 

In all honesty I'm not sure she got it. She didn't actually say she was sorry, she just said that it wasn't her intent to hurt me. 

So I talked to my mom who did manage to make me feel better. Mostly because my mom reported that apparently my brother hadn't liked my ex way before we split. My mom's theory (and I suspect she's right) is that the GF wasn't thinking, and my brother didn't want to fight with her. He pretty much avoids conflict.


----------



## ne9907

Hi All!
It's nice to see you are doing the best we do, which is moving on and dating 
Back in 2008, my ex husband father passed away from cancer. Before he died, he was in hospice care and I took care of him until he passed away. 
My father is now in hospice care, I have been so busy lately taking care of him and arranging everything that I haven't had time to actually feel the significance of his ultimate death. He will pass away soon. I am finding myself thinking of how strange it is now. I was my ex rock when his father passed, It is strange that I don't have him now. Not a call, nothing. 
It is normal yet can't help feeling sad. 
Hope all is well with everyone. Take care all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BlueWoman

ne9907 said:


> Hi All!
> It's nice to see you are doing the best we do, which is moving on and dating
> Back in 2008, my ex husband father passed away from cancer. Before he died, he was in hospice care and I took care of him until he passed away.
> My father is now in hospice care, I have been so busy lately taking care of him and arranging everything that I haven't had time to actually feel the significance of his ultimate death. He will pass away soon. I am finding myself thinking of how strange it is now. I was my ex rock when his father passed, It is strange that I don't have him now. Not a call, nothing.
> It is normal yet can't help feeling sad.
> Hope all is well with everyone. Take care all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you are about lose your dad. But I'm glad you get to be there for it. 

And yeah, I get feeling sad about your ex. It doesn't seem fair, even if you know it's natural.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Hi All!
> It's nice to see you are doing the best we do, which is moving on and dating
> Back in 2008, my ex husband father passed away from cancer. Before he died, he was in hospice care and I took care of him until he passed away.
> My father is now in hospice care, I have been so busy lately taking care of him and arranging everything that I haven't had time to actually feel the significance of his ultimate death. He will pass away soon. I am finding myself thinking of how strange it is now. I was my ex rock when his father passed, It is strange that I don't have him now. Not a call, nothing.
> It is normal yet can't help feeling sad.
> Hope all is well with everyone. Take care all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Been there too, Ne. Sending you good thoughts during this time. I was always grateful that hospice care gave me the gift of spending time with my mom while she was lovingly cared for by others. You are not alone. 

Hugs.


----------



## Lifescript

Quick update: 

I'll start looking for a place to move to next month. I'm excited about it. I think it will do me good to have my own place and be on my own. It will be more financial obligations but it's time I make the leap. 

The girl I went out with kept texting me and I ignored her. But then she said she missed me and that she was confused but knew she felt something for me that was special. I asked it she was with the ex and she said no so we went out again. We had a good week. Then she said she was sorry but was confused again. That her ex wanted to marry her. I said go ahead marry him then. She told me the guy had rage issues and is verbally abusive. If she's willing to put up with that fine. I told her not to call me again. 

So I'm good. I'm glad I had my first post marriage/divorce fling and although it didn't end well I learned some good lessons. The best part is she chose him over me and I didn't feel like I was less than or anything like that. It's all good. Her loss. On to the next one.


----------



## Lifescript

Ne, 

I'm very sorry about your dad. At least you get to spend some time with him now.


----------



## vi_bride04

Good attitude, script. Isn't it liberating to honestly feel that way?!?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Ne, chin up. Love comes in many forms, take it when you can and store it up for those times when you need it to see you through. 

Took our bikes to Vermont over a long weekend and did not bike as it we did some weather dodging and then came up empty on parking at a trailhead. It happens. 

But, we found 450 million year old fossils at a publicly owned limestone quarry (not operational), saw some deer, some snowshoe hares, lightning bugs in the woods (magical experience), went to a concert where we were camping, stuck our toes into Lake Champlain, took a champagne brunch cruise around same lake, and had someone appear out of the blue to gift us dry wood and kindling just at the very point in time where we needed it. I used a new tarp and poles I bought for camping. Got a mini-mini maple creamee and made friends with a socially brilliant donkey. Slept well in my little tent with my daughter. Visited with my older son and his fiancée for his birthday. 

Would need to go back for kayaking and bicycling but we can do that at home, too.

Mostly glad to have escaped the heat and horrible storms that passed through.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

So, haven't talked with HHST girl in over a week. It's for the best. We weren't a good long term match. Currently talking to someone who I accidently became friends with over Facebook. I thought she was someone else, someone I went to high school with but wasn't. She messaged me and complimented me on being a devoted dad (and handsome to boot). We started chatting and got her number. 
The thing I'm not used to is that she's very forward.. I'm not used to being chased. Nor sexting. That's very new and different, lol. Feels nice, but I'll need to be careful that I don't have a clinger on my hands.


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> Good attitude, script. Isn't it liberating to honestly feel that way?!?


Yes! 

The time I've spent alone has showed me that I don't need to be with anyone and if I get involved with someone and it doesn't work it's ok and not the end of the world. I'm ok either way.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TheGoodGuy said:


> So, haven't talked with HHST girl in over a week. It's for the best. We weren't a good long term match. Currently talking to someone who I accidently became friends with over Facebook. I thought she was someone else, someone I went to high school with but wasn't. She messaged me and complimented me on being a devoted dad (and handsome to boot). We started chatting and got her number.
> The thing I'm not used to is that she's very forward.. I'm not used to being chased. Nor sexting. That's very new and different, lol. Feels nice, but I'll need to be careful that I don't have a clinger on my hands.


I get the impression that women tend to be more forward in general these days. I know I am. Comes with being more confident, more sure of what we want, and not willing to waste time if it's not what we want. 
But wait, she's sexting you before you've even met her?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> I get the impression that women tend to be more forward in general these days. I know I am. Comes with being more confident, more sure of what we want, and not willing to waste time if it's not what we want.
> But wait, she's sexting you before you've even met her?


YES


----------



## SARAHMCD

TheGoodGuy said:


> YES


And she initiated it? That is quite forward.


----------



## Lifescript

Good Guy,

I would be careful with this one. Could turn to a night of fun. To me though ... Girls sexting this early is a bit of a turn off. Maybe I'm weird but I like it when they make it seem like they are all innocent although they are not of course lol


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> Good Guy,
> 
> I would be careful with this one. Could turn to a night of fun. To me though ... Girls sexting this early is a bit of a turn off. Maybe I'm weird but I like it when they make it seem like they are all innocent although they are not of course lol


This. I might end up sleeping with a woman like that but I don't know if I'd consider her long term potential.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Healer said:


> This. I might end up sleeping with a woman like that but I don't know if I'd consider her long term potential.


I'm also guessing she is looking for a hookup not LTR.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> I'm also guessing she is looking for a hookup not LTR.


I kinda hope so. I don't think she's LTR material but it sure sounds like a hell of a lot of fun. :grin2:


----------



## SARAHMCD

TheGoodGuy said:


> I kinda hope so. I don't think she's LTR material but it sure sounds like a hell of a lot of fun. :grin2:


Go for it!:grin2:

I'm just curious though, other than the sexting, why don't you see her as LTR material?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lifescript said:


> Good Guy,
> 
> I would be careful with this one. Could turn to a night of fun. To me though ... Girls sexting this early is a bit of a turn off. Maybe I'm weird but I like it when they make it seem like they are all innocent although they are not of course lol


To be honest, the sexting thing is new to me. I've never done it before. Dirty talk for me and my ex was always in person (whispers if in public) or in the bedroom. So it's new for me, but I'm going with the flow for now. Eyes wide open, observing. And maybe just maybe enjoying the attention.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> Go for it!:grin2:
> 
> I'm just curious though, other than the sexting, why don't you see her as LTR material?


Biggest thing is probably the distance. She's about an hour away from where I live. Also, I waiting until we meet in person to see if there is a real "spark". I'm not necessarily getting it from pictures. She's not bad looking, I just don't know yet.

ETA: Man that sounded really shallow of me. I'm also stunned a bit at the forwardness of it all. If I hadn't talked to her on the phone a couple of times over the weekend I would have thought I was being punked.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TheGoodGuy said:


> Biggest thing is probably the distance. She's about an hour away from where I live. Also, I waiting until we meet in person to see if there is a real "spark". I'm not necessarily getting it from pictures. She's not bad looking, I just don't know yet.
> 
> ETA: Man that sounded really shallow of me. I'm also stunned a bit at the forwardness of it all. If I hadn't talked to her on the phone a couple of times over the weekend I would have thought I was being punked.


So putting aside the forwardness and sexting issue for a minute, if you've talked to her on the phone (meaning I assume that you clicked in that sense), then you meet her and there's no physical spark, you'd still sleep with her for a night of fun but not LTR? 
I'm not judging at all, just trying to understand how men think.

And the hour distance? So if she turned out to be great, you would consider that a deal breaker? Again, just curious. When I started dating my STBX, we lived a 90 minute train ride apart and still managed to spend a great deal of time together. I dated someone recently though who kept using the distance thing (50 mins) as being "too far". I just found that a strange excuse if you're really into someone - which clearly he wasn't!


----------



## jpr

Hi guys
...Haven't posted in a while. Here is an update for those of you who remember me.

I am no longer a single. I married my "hat" a couple of weeks ago. 

   

Hope all old friends are doing well.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> So putting aside the forwardness and sexting issue for a minute, if you've talked to her on the phone (meaning I assume that you clicked in that sense), then you meet her and there's no physical spark, you'd still sleep with her for a night of fun but not LTR?
> I'm not judging at all, just trying to understand how men think.


 I don't want to speak for all men, but if she wanted to, sure. If she's got half the game she talks about, it would be quite fun. It's a good question though. Normally I need for there to be an emotional connection before I can take it to the physical level. But if this is just going to be a fun fling, then I think I can flip that switch off in my brain for a night.



SARAHMCD said:


> And the hour distance? So if she turned out to be great, you would consider that a deal breaker? Again, just curious. When I started dating my STBX, we lived a 90 minute train ride apart and still managed to spend a great deal of time together. I dated someone recently though who kept using the distance thing (50 mins) as being "too far". I just found that a strange excuse if you're really into someone - which clearly he wasn't!


 Not at all a dealbreaker if she turned out to be "the one". It's just for me, and many other sole custody parents, it's already difficult to find time to go out. Not as easy to swing by, swoop her up, take her out, and get her back in time to deal with kids, etc when there's an hour drive each way. Again, not necessarily a dealbreaker if it's the right gal, but it does put some extra time pressure on things.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

jpr said:


> Hi guys
> ...Haven't posted in a while. Here is an update for those of you who remember me.
> 
> I am no longer a single. I married my "hat" a couple of weeks ago.
> 
> 
> 
> Hope all old friends are doing well.


Congrats JPR!


----------



## Lifescript

jpr said:


> Hi guys
> ...Haven't posted in a while. Here is an update for those of you who remember me.
> 
> I am no longer a single. I married my "hat" a couple of weeks ago.
> 
> 
> 
> Hope all old friends are doing well.


Congrats!


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> So putting aside the forwardness and sexting issue for a minute, if you've talked to her on the phone (meaning I assume that you clicked in that sense), then you meet her and there's no physical spark, you'd still sleep with her for a night of fun but not LTR?
> I'm not judging at all, just trying to understand how men think.
> 
> And the hour distance? So if she turned out to be great, you would consider that a deal breaker? Again, just curious. When I started dating my STBX, we lived a 90 minute train ride apart and still managed to spend a great deal of time together. I dated someone recently though who kept using the distance thing (50 mins) as being "too far". I just found that a strange excuse if you're really into someone - which clearly he wasn't!


It's weird, I've noticed that a lot of men (esp in OLD) are hung up on the distance thing. There was one guy I was chatting with a while back, and we were hitting it off, but he only wanted to date someone within *10 MILES *of where he lives (never mind that he commutes 25 miles--about an hour in DC rush hour traffic--into work daily). I live 12 miles away from him--but between him and his work--so it would be easy to meet after work, etc.

The 2 extra miles was a dealbreaker for him.

WTF? Seriously?

ETA: If I'm into someone, distance doesn't matter. I dated a guy who lived 85 miles away. It was worth the drive to spend a few hours with him. We made it work for a while, while it was working for both of us. We broke up for unrelated issues--distance never came up as an issue.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> It's weird, I've noticed that a lot of men (esp in OLD) are hung up on the distance thing. There was one guy I was chatting with a while back, and we were hitting it off, but he only wanted to date someone within *10 MILES *of where he lives (never mind that he commutes 25 miles--about an hour in DC rush hour traffic--into work daily). I live 12 miles away from him--but between him and his work--so it would be easy to meet after work, etc.
> 
> The 2 extra miles was a dealbreaker for him.
> 
> WTF? Seriously?
> 
> ETA: If I'm into someone, distance doesn't matter. I dated a guy who lived 85 miles away. It was worth the drive to spend a few hours with him. We made it work for a while, while it was working for both of us. We broke up for unrelated issues--distance never came up as an issue.


Agreed. I've heard it a couple of times now. "You live so far." "If only you lived closer, we could see each other more." From single guys who don't have kids btw. So then its just seeing them once every 2 weeks. Really? If we split the driving, you're telling me you can't make a 50 min drive once every 2 weeks so that we could see each other once a week? Wow. I recently got the "its the holiday weekend, there will just be too much traffic, lets get together during the week instead- next week". We hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks as it was. Ok, yes, likely a bit more traffic - like 10 extra minutes maybe. He wasn't working that day or the next. Again, wow!
Just tells me I'm not a priority. He's just looking for something easy, convenient, and casual. 
I never considered an hour drive to be _long distance_ before.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> So, haven't talked with HHST girl in over a week. It's for the best. We weren't a good long term match. Currently talking to someone who I accidently became friends with over Facebook. I thought she was someone else, someone I went to high school with but wasn't. She messaged me and complimented me on being a devoted dad (and handsome to boot). We started chatting and got her number.
> The thing I'm not used to is that she's very forward.. I'm not used to being chased. Nor sexting. That's very new and different, lol. Feels nice, but I'll need to be careful that I don't have a clinger on my hands.


I've discovered that I really like sexting. I won't initiate it; I prefer the guy to take the lead on that. But I will be a willing, fully-involved participant.

(I think this is because my XH was very LD and refused to even talk about sex. So I'm looking for the exact opposite now...)

I don't mind if he engages in it early. I mean, I want him to take some time to get to know me a little first. It would be a big turn-off if he jumped right into it. Or if he sent me a d!ck pic right away, or asked me for nekkid/sexy pics right away. Or if ALL we did was sexting, and there was no other normal texting. But if you get the right balance of conversational texting plus sexting, it's all good. I like it. It's fun. It turns me on.

But I'm also looking for someone who's going to be sexually aggressive with me, and who has no problem being sexually expressive and open. That makes me feel that he is receptive to me being similarly expressive, which I _*want *_to do, but is also very hard for me. So I don't just want, I NEED someone who is going to be sexually aggressive. That's a requirement, and if he's not, it's a total dealbreaker for me.


----------



## FeministInPink

jpr said:


> Hi guys
> ...Haven't posted in a while. Here is an update for those of you who remember me.
> 
> I am no longer a single. I married my "hat" a couple of weeks ago.
> 
> 
> 
> Hope all old friends are doing well.


Hooray, and congratulations!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

sarahmcd said:


> agreed. I've heard it a couple of times now. "you live so far." "if only you lived closer, we could see each other more." from single guys who don't have kids btw. So then its just seeing them once every 2 weeks. Really? If we split the driving, you're telling me you can't make a 50 min drive once every 2 weeks so that we could see each other once a week? Wow. I recently got the "its the holiday weekend, there will just be too much traffic, lets get together during the week instead- next week". We hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks as it was. Ok, yes, likely a bit more traffic - like 10 extra minutes maybe. He wasn't working that day or the next. Again, wow!
> *just tells me i'm not a priority. He's just looking for something easy, convenient, and casual. *
> i never considered an hour drive to be _long distance_ before.


*
bingo.*


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> It's weird, I've noticed that a lot of men (esp in OLD) are hung up on the distance thing. There was one guy I was chatting with a while back, and we were hitting it off, but he only wanted to date someone within *10 MILES *of where he lives (never mind that he commutes 25 miles--about an hour in DC rush hour traffic--into work daily). I live 12 miles away from him--but between him and his work--so it would be easy to meet after work, etc.
> 
> The 2 extra miles was a dealbreaker for him.
> 
> WTF? Seriously?


OK that guy was being ridiculous.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> Agreed. I've heard it a couple of times now. "You live so far." "If only you lived closer, we could see each other more." From single guys who don't have kids btw. So then its just seeing them once every 2 weeks. Really? If we split the driving, you're telling me you can't make a 50 min drive once every 2 weeks so that we could see each other once a week? Wow. I recently got the "its the holiday weekend, there will just be too much traffic, lets get together during the week instead- next week". We hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks as it was. Ok, yes, likely a bit more traffic - like 10 extra minutes maybe. He wasn't working that day or the next. Again, wow!
> Just tells me I'm not a priority. *He's just looking for something easy, convenient, and casual.
> *I never considered an hour drive to be _long distance_ before.





FeministInPink said:


> *
> bingo.*


I guess I'm looking at it from a different perspective. And it may be because I'm still parenting (yours are grown right Sarah?). For me, single dad, full time job, after school activities sometimes, and everything else going on, I'm looking to be the most available I can be by being reasonable close to a potential partner. I want to be able to say on a whim "let's go grab some ice cream" or "let's meet at the park" or "I'm swinging by after work with a surprise for you". Now, can you meet in the middle every time, sure. But yes I do like the *convenience* of having them closeby so that I can be spontaneous and old fashioned every now and then: the old "pick them up at their house, open the car door, etc" sort of thing. Can't do as much of that if you meet in the middle every time you meet.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TheGoodGuy said:


> I guess I'm looking at it from a different perspective. And it may be because I'm still parenting (yours are grown right Sarah?). For me, single dad, full time job, after school activities sometimes, and everything else going on, I'm looking to be the most available I can be by being reasonable close to a potential partner. I want to be able to say on a whim "let's go grab some ice cream" or "let's meet at the park" or "I'm swinging by after work with a surprise for you". Now, can you meet in the middle every time, sure. But yes I do like the *convenience* of having them closeby so that I can be spontaneous and old fashioned every now and then: the old "pick them up at their house, open the car door, etc" sort of thing. Can't do as much of that if you meet in the middle every time you meet.



I do understand more if you're a single dad wanting someone conveniently close. You only have so much time on your calendar. I'm talking about guys with no kids. There's no reason they can't make the drive at least one night a week to my place (no meeting in the middle) and I go to theirs one night a week. Or spend the weekend at their place eventually (or vice versa). 50 minute drive is just not that far. Yes, for spur of moment drop-ins, its more difficult, but not enough to say "I think you're great, and if we lived closer I'd want to be in a relationship with you. But since you're not, I don't think this will work out." 
That's ridiculous. Not that I've heard that exactly. But I get it used as an excuse why they only want to date once every 2 weeks (meaning they're only making the drive once a month). Can't be that into me.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> I do understand more if you're a single dad wanting someone conveniently close. You only have so much time on your calendar. I'm talking about guys with no kids. There's no reason they can't make the drive at least one night a week to my place (no meeting in the middle) and I go to theirs one night a week. Or spend the weekend at their place eventually (or vice versa). 50 minute drive is just not that far. Yes, for spur of moment drop-ins, its more difficult, but not enough to say "I think you're great, and if we lived closer I'd want to be in a relationship with you. But since you're not, I don't think this will work out."
> That's ridiculous. Not that I've heard that exactly. But I get it used as an excuse why they only want to date once every 2 weeks (meaning they're only making the drive once a month). Can't be that into me.


Yeah, no kids makes that a completely different story.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I guess I'm looking at it from a different perspective. And it may be because I'm still parenting (yours are grown right Sarah?). For me, single dad, full time job, after school activities sometimes, and everything else going on, I'm looking to be the most available I can be by being reasonable close to a potential partner. I want to be able to say on a whim "let's go grab some ice cream" or "let's meet at the park" or "I'm swinging by after work with a surprise for you". Now, can you meet in the middle every time, sure. But yes I do like the *convenience* of having them closeby so that I can be spontaneous and old fashioned every now and then: the old "pick them up at their house, open the car door, etc" sort of thing. Can't do as much of that if you meet in the middle every time you meet.


That makes sense. I have no kids, but I also want a certain amount of space--that's just the introvert in me--and having a certain amount of distance keeps things from moving too fast (which I have been guilty of in the past). More physical distance means that we have to be more intentional in our planning, and we don't end up spending every spare minute together because it's SO convenient.

If it gets serious enough that we want to spend every night or every other night together, then I will be happy to move closer and have a longer commute, since I am more mobile than a guy that has kids.

I like your point about the spontaneity, but since I'm such a homebody, it's pretty easy for me to be spontaneous even with the distance. We live 50 miles away, and you decide you want to spontaneously get together tonight? Cool. By the time you get here, I'll be ready  (Or, cool, I'll start driving and see you in an hour.)

Generally, for me, I live in an urban area, so while everything is physically close, it takes forever to get anywhere. So someone can live 5 miles away, and it will still take me 40 minutes to get there. So someone living 40 miles out in the burbs is exactly the same to me as someone living on the other side of the city.


----------



## RandomDude

Well folks, noticed a severe shift in my mentality since what happened with ex, like, she stopped me looking back, but now desire for any companionship dropped completely, sexual attraction is recovering though, I think, but that's it.

Maybe in a few weeks I'll get back in the game, depending on recovery, this time I'll stick to FBs and FWBs for good. Not going to bother being active anymore though, if it happens amongst my circles then sure, but meh, not going to date anymore.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> Yes!
> 
> The time I've spent alone has showed me that I don't need to be with anyone and if I get involved with someone and it doesn't work it's ok and not the end of the world. I'm ok either way.


You have arrived, young Jedi


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> You have arrived, young Jedi


I believe everyone (men and women) should live on their own preferably before marriage and go through that experience. It's the best way to learn about yourself and learn to be happy alone.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Yessir


Lifescript said:


> vi_bride04 said:
> 
> 
> 
> You have arrived, young Jedi
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I believe everyone (men and women) should live on their own preferably before marriage and go through that experience. It's the best way to learn about yourself and learn to be happy alone.
Click to expand...


----------



## moxy

Hang in there, Ne


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> I'm also guessing she is looking for a hookup not LTR.





SARAHMCD said:


> So putting aside the forwardness and sexting issue for a minute, if you've talked to her on the phone (meaning I assume that you clicked in that sense), then you meet her and there's no physical spark, you'd still sleep with her for a night of fun but not LTR?
> I'm not judging at all, just trying to understand how men think.


So after meeting her today for lunch I've come to two conclusions: 
1) I think she is looking for a LTR and would fall very easily for me. I'm not trying to be conceited there but this girl is very into me.

2) I'm not into her near that much, especially physically, so I probably would not sleep with her. I'm not a perfect 10 or anything but she just didn't do it for me. 

Damn. Back to the drawing board.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TheGoodGuy said:


> So after meeting her today for lunch I've come to two conclusions:
> 1) I think she is looking for a LTR and would fall very easily for me. I'm not trying to be conceited there but this girl is very into me.
> 
> 2) I'm not into her near that much, especially physically, so I probably would not sleep with her. I'm not a perfect 10 or anything but she just didn't do it for me.
> 
> Damn. Back to the drawing board.


Sorry it didn't work out. There will always be a next time. 

Wasn't this your first face-to-face? How is she "very" into you so fast? How often had you communicated in advance?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> Sorry it didn't work out. There will always be a next time.
> 
> Wasn't this your first face-to-face? How is she "very" into you so fast? How often had you communicated in advance?


To quote RD: "Meh, I'm good with it." This one feeling very Stage 5 already.

Yes, this was the first face to face. We accidently "met" a week ago on FB, and communication ramped up over the weekend. To a bit of a scary level to be honest, hence Stage 5. It wasn't just the amount of communication, but the over the top compliments and such that made it weird. Maybe if I found her more attractive as well then I wouldn't be questioning it, lol.


----------



## RandomDude

Well stage 5 kinda freaks you out no matter how attractive, like Isla Fisher in the movie was hot as fk lol!


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. Havent been around so much as I have had the kids all week. Which means no dates for me at all while I have the kids. My older guy and I are good. We will see each other a few times next week and then due to our schedules, only a day or two in August. The chemistry man and I are officially over. I havent spoken to him in 3 weeks. I go back and forth how I feel about it. Today Im glad.

I do wonder if I made a mistake with OG last night. We always text each other if we are out when we get home even when we arent out together. (We also text throughout the day). So last night we were texting while he was golfing and then he stopped for hours. I didnt even think about it until almost 11 pm at night because I hadnt heard from him. So I texted him I was going to bed and I hope he was home safe. I also said I am abit worried. In 5 minutes I get a text back "I just got home. My phone died." I told him I am not your time keeper it was just out of the ordinary. He didnt text anything back. I dont want him to feel like I am his mother but I did worry. Should I have not texted him about being home safe? He is leaving for vacation next week and I dont want him to think he has to text me when he goes out late. It was just a strange occurence. Am I overthinking this?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Well stage 5 kinda freaks you out no matter how attractive, like Isla Fisher in the movie was hot as fk lol!


Hell yes she was!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. Havent been around so much as I have had the kids all week. Which means no dates for me at all while I have the kids. My older guy and I are good. We will see each other a few times next week and then due to our schedules, only a day or two in August. The chemistry man and I are officially over. I havent spoken to him in 3 weeks. I go back and forth how I feel about it. Today Im glad.
> 
> I do wonder if I made a mistake with OG last night. We always text each other if we are out when we get home even when we arent out together. (We also text throughout the day). So last night we were texting while he was golfing and then he stopped for hours. I didnt even think about it until almost 11 pm at night because I hadnt heard from him. So I texted him I was going to bed and I hope he was home safe. I also said I am abit worried. In 5 minutes I get a text back "I just got home. My phone died." I told him I am not your time keeper it was just out of the ordinary. He didnt text anything back. I dont want him to feel like I am his mother but I did worry. Should I have not texted him about being home safe? He is leaving for vacation next week and I dont want him to think he has to text me when he goes out late. It was just a strange occurence. Am I overthinking this?


Hmm.. I don't think the text was too much. If anything, perhaps just a "going to bed, hope you're home safe" next time without the worried part? The fact that you texted at all tells him you're thinking of him. If this out of the norm communication style continues, you might have something to discuss (as in, what changed?), but I think you're OK here.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. Havent been around so much as I have had the kids all week. Which means no dates for me at all while I have the kids. My older guy and I are good. We will see each other a few times next week and then due to our schedules, only a day or two in August. The chemistry man and I are officially over. I havent spoken to him in 3 weeks. I go back and forth how I feel about it. Today Im glad.
> 
> I do wonder if I made a mistake with OG last night. We always text each other if we are out when we get home even when we arent out together. (We also text throughout the day). So last night we were texting while he was golfing and then he stopped for hours. I didnt even think about it until almost 11 pm at night because I hadnt heard from him. So I texted him I was going to bed and I hope he was home safe. I also said I am abit worried. In 5 minutes I get a text back "I just got home. My phone died." I told him I am not your time keeper it was just out of the ordinary. He didnt text anything back. I dont want him to feel like I am his mother but I did worry. Should I have not texted him about being home safe? He is leaving for vacation next week and I dont want him to think he has to text me when he goes out late. It was just a strange occurence. Am I overthinking this?


If the norm in your relationship is to text several times a day and especially at night to say "goodnight", and you are initiating at a approximately 50/50 ratio, then asking him if he got home safe is perfectly normal for you. You are overthinking it. 
If, on the other hand, its you starting all the texting exchanges, then yes, perhaps back off a bit.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. Havent been around so much as I have had the kids all week. Which means no dates for me at all while I have the kids. My older guy and I are good. We will see each other a few times next week and then due to our schedules, only a day or two in August. The chemistry man and I are officially over. I havent spoken to him in 3 weeks. I go back and forth how I feel about it. Today Im glad.
> 
> I do wonder if I made a mistake with OG last night. We always text each other if we are out when we get home even when we arent out together. (We also text throughout the day). So last night we were texting while he was golfing and then he stopped for hours. I didnt even think about it until almost 11 pm at night because I hadnt heard from him. So I texted him I was going to bed and I hope he was home safe. I also said I am abit worried. In 5 minutes I get a text back "I just got home. My phone died." I told him I am not your time keeper it was just out of the ordinary. He didnt text anything back. I dont want him to feel like I am his mother but I did worry. Should I have not texted him about being home safe? He is leaving for vacation next week and I dont want him to think he has to text me when he goes out late. It was just a strange occurence. Am I overthinking this?


Overthinking? Yes. I don't think it's a big deal. You and he have and established pattern, and his behavior was a break in the pattern. You texted him at the end of the day to make sure everything was OK with him, but it wasn't like you were blowing up his phone with "Where are you?" and "Why haven't you texted me?" and "Are you dead in a ditch?" and "That's it, I'm calling missing persons if you don't text me back in 10 minutes!" and stuff like that. Don't worry about it. His phone died, it happens. It was a one-time thing.


----------



## bkyln309

TheGoodGuy said:


> Hmm.. I don't think the text was too much. If anything, perhaps just a "going to bed, hope you're home safe" next time without the worried part? The fact that you texted at all tells him you're thinking of him. If this out of the norm communication style continues, you might have something to discuss (as in, what changed?), but I think you're OK here.



I originally had only posted the part without Im abit worried. But I didnt want him to think I was blowing off texting him at night. We usually do that before bed.


----------



## Lifescript

I think you are ok bklyn. It's normal to text to say hope you got home ok. Why did you text him that you are not his timekeeper though? 

He was getting back to you. Were you a bit mad or anxious?


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> I think you are ok bklyn. It's normal to text to say hope you got home ok. Why did you text him that you are not his timekeeper though?
> 
> He was getting back to you. Were you a bit mad or anxious?


Just anxious because I didnt want him to think he has to tell me when he is home when he if not with me.

But I have texted him today and its not even a blip on his radar. WHEW!!!


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Just anxious because I didnt want him to think he has to tell me when he is home when he if not with me.
> 
> But I have texted him today and its not even a blip on his radar. WHEW!!!


Cool!


----------



## FormerSelf

Well, I'm newly single...but staying out of the market. I stumbled across an interesting woman who thinks I am the cat's pajamas, but I am certain that I would be a rebound relationship on her part. There is no way that I am interested in a new relationship after just being divorced...on any level...but especially if both of us are newly divorced and still working out our issues. Nope.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FormerSelf said:


> Well, I'm newly single...but staying out of the market. I stumbled across an interesting woman who thinks I am the cat's pajamas, but I am certain that I would be a rebound relationship on her part. There is no way that I am interested in a new relationship after just being divorced...on any level...but especially if both of us are newly divorced and still working out our issues. Nope.


Smart. Difficult as I'm sure it's tempting but good decision.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I'm saying goodbye to my friends with benefits (and we really are great friends) this weekend. The feelings I have for him that I used to be able to compartmentalize are now shining through. I have to be honest with him. 

I'm not 100% of his response but I'm pretty certain I will have to walk away. Sad but fun while it lasted. 6 months of fwb, longer than a lot of relationships! 

I know it's what I must do to be true to myself.


----------



## Lifescript

Friends with benefits don't work I think. Sooner or later one catches feelings and then ...


----------



## SARAHMCD

They do "work" in that they serve their purpose for non exclusive companionship and sex. But that's temporary. 
Although we've gotten close, I still don't think we're on the same page. I will know for sure when I honestly share my feelings. I'm guessing he won't want to change status quo. Maybe I will get lucky and be wrong. 
I'm ready to start dating seriously now so I will move on. I don't feel it is appropriate for me to have a fwb on the side while trying to date others.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I found out last week that the new apartment fell through. His current roommate--who was supposed to be temporary--has apparently decided to stay longer. So he referred me to a colleague of his, who is looking for a roommate. I met her and took a look at her place this past Sunday. I like her--I think we clicked well--and we have similar, compatible ideas about what we expect out of a roommate situation. She's interviewing 2 other potential roommates, and she said she would let us all know her decision by Friday. She interviewed one before me, and the third the day after me, so I'm not optimistic... I don't think it really takes 4 days to make that decision. I think she wanted to give herself a few days to make sure the application of her preferred roommate was approved by the manager's office before telling the other two potentials "no."

So I think it's back to the drawing board.

I spoke with my current landlords today, and they were totally cool about it. They knew I was going to move out at some point, so they are happy to be flexible about how much notice I give them. But if I don't find something else in the next 7 days--which is unlikely, because I can only look at apts on the weekends due to my rehearsal schedule--I'll have to push back my move-out date to the end of September.

I hope I'm wrong. I like this place, and the biggest bonus is that I only have to pay a $45 deposit! I'm not going to find that monetary benefit anywhere else.


----------



## FeministInPink

Sigh... I just got an email from the potential roommate. I was right, she decided to go with one of the other applicants.

Sh!t. Back to the drawing board.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Damn FIP. sorry to hear that. Good luck on your hunt.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Damn FIP. sorry to hear that. Good luck on your hunt.


Well, you know how they say if you don't get what you want, it just means that there's something better out there for you? I know we say that talking about dating, but I think it applies to other things as well.

I jumped on Craigslist after posting that, and I was perusing... I found a few things that might work, but nothing I got excited about. I looked through 2 pages of listings. Then I thought, why not refresh the first page and see if anything else pops up... and I found a brand-spanking new listing that might be PERFECT. 

It was listed under roommates/house shares, but it's actually a studio apartment in northern VA. The only thing "house share" about it is that there's a shared entrance with the main townhouse. Owner lives upstairs, no other people. BIG basement studio with a fireplace (!!) and its own little backyard (!!!), a really nice sized bathroom and a kitchenette (but with a full-sized fridge). No oven, but that's OK because I never use my oven now, except to make tater tots (and I have a toaster oven for that), but it has an induction stove top, which is pretty cool, and a microwave. So I can still cook.

It's a little further out in Virginia then I wanted, but it is CHEAP, and the location is GOOD. Plus, I really like that I would be renting from an individual who lives IN the building, rather than a rental agency, in a complex, or an absentee landlord. My last two places have been with landlords who live in the same building, and I've had great experiences both times. Whereas all of my experiences with the latter three have been negative. And this will save me the money that I want to save, but I still get to have my own space and my privacy. Plus, it's closer to all my friends and favorite hang-out places in Virginia! My commute will be a little longer, but I think the trade-off is reasonable, and a longer commute on the train means more time to read  

The only thing I don't know about is the closet space. No closet picture in the listing. Hmmm. Fingers crossed!

So I emailed right away! I hope I have a leg up for responding so quick. It definitely helped with my current place. And my landlords promised to give me a glowing reference. Maybe I can look at it this week!

Everybody think good, happy thoughts for me!!!


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Well, you know how they say if you don't get what you want, it just means that there's something better out there for you? I know we say that talking about dating, but I think it applies to other things as well.
> 
> I jumped on Craigslist after posting that, and I was perusing... I found a few things that might work, but nothing I got excited about. I looked through 2 pages of listings. Then I thought, why not refresh the first page and see if anything else pops up... and I found a brand-spanking new listing that might be PERFECT.
> 
> It was listed under roommates/house shares, but it's actually a studio apartment in northern VA. The only thing "house share" about it is that there's a shared entrance with the main townhouse. Owner lives upstairs, no other people. BIG basement studio with a fireplace (!!) and its own little backyard (!!!), a really nice sized bathroom and a kitchenette (but with a full-sized fridge). No oven, but that's OK because I never use my oven now, except to make tater tots (and I have a toaster oven for that), but it has an induction stove top, which is pretty cool, and a microwave. So I can still cook.
> 
> It's a little further out in Virginia then I wanted, but it is CHEAP, and the location is GOOD. Plus, I really like that I would be renting from an individual who lives IN the building, rather than a rental agency, in a complex, or an absentee landlord. My last two places have been with landlords who live in the same building, and I've had great experiences both times. Whereas all of my experiences with the latter three have been negative. And this will save me the money that I want to save, but I still get to have my own space and my privacy. Plus, it's closer to all my friends and favorite hang-out places in Virginia! My commute will be a little longer, but I think the trade-off is reasonable, and a longer commute on the train means more time to read
> 
> The only thing I don't know about is the closet space. No closet picture in the listing. Hmmm. Fingers crossed!
> 
> So I emailed right away! I hope I have a leg up for responding so quick. It definitely helped with my current place. And my landlords promised to give me a glowing reference. Maybe I can look at it this week!
> 
> Everybody think good, happy thoughts for me!!!


Good luck with the new place. Sounds great. I love Northern VA. I have family there.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Well, you know how they say if you don't get what you want, it just means that there's something better out there for you? I know we say that talking about dating, but I think it applies to other things as well.
> 
> I jumped on Craigslist after posting that, and I was perusing... I found a few things that might work, but nothing I got excited about. I looked through 2 pages of listings. Then I thought, why not refresh the first page and see if anything else pops up... and I found a brand-spanking new listing that might be PERFECT.
> 
> It was listed under roommates/house shares, but it's actually a studio apartment in northern VA. The only thing "house share" about it is that there's a shared entrance with the main townhouse. Owner lives upstairs, no other people. BIG basement studio with a fireplace (!!) and its own little backyard (!!!), a really nice sized bathroom and a kitchenette (but with a full-sized fridge). No oven, but that's OK because I never use my oven now, except to make tater tots (and I have a toaster oven for that), but it has an induction stove top, which is pretty cool, and a microwave. So I can still cook.
> 
> It's a little further out in Virginia then I wanted, but it is CHEAP, and the location is GOOD. Plus, I really like that I would be renting from an individual who lives IN the building, rather than a rental agency, in a complex, or an absentee landlord. My last two places have been with landlords who live in the same building, and I've had great experiences both times. Whereas all of my experiences with the latter three have been negative. And this will save me the money that I want to save, but I still get to have my own space and my privacy. Plus, it's closer to all my friends and favorite hang-out places in Virginia! My commute will be a little longer, but I think the trade-off is reasonable, and a longer commute on the train means more time to read
> 
> The only thing I don't know about is the closet space. No closet picture in the listing. Hmmm. Fingers crossed!
> 
> So I emailed right away! I hope I have a leg up for responding so quick. It definitely helped with my current place. And my landlords promised to give me a glowing reference. Maybe I can look at it this week!
> 
> Everybody think good, happy thoughts for me!!!


Woop woop!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FiP

Yes, oh sh*t that the first and second opportunities fell through.
Hopefully this studio will work out and give you a chance to try living outside the city.

I would do a background check on the owner, just to be on the safe side. 

And go to the municipality to make sure the property is owned by the person who claims to own it. There are just so many scammers and pscyhos out there...


----------



## RandomDude

Washington is one of the largest cities in the world no? Big cities... tough to find good accommodation.

Currently I spend way too much on it, rent alone is over a grand a week

Just didn't want daughter to stay over in a sh-tbox while mum has the house

You're lucky you're single without kids!


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> FiP
> 
> Yes, oh sh*t that the first and second opportunities fell through.
> Hopefully this studio will work out and give you a chance to try living outside the city.
> 
> I would do a background check on the owner, just to be on the safe side.
> 
> And go to the municipality to make sure the property is owned by the person who claims to own it. There are just so many scammers and pscyhos out there...


Oh, good point! Thanks for the suggestion, I will definitely check on both of those.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Washington is one of the largest cities in the world no? Big cities... tough to find good accommodation.
> 
> Currently I spend way too much on it, rent alone is over a grand a week
> 
> Just didn't want daughter to stay over in a sh-tbox while mum has the house
> 
> You're lucky you're single without kids!


It's a huge metro area; the city proper is actually quite small. One of the reasons housing can be a struggle. Finding housing isn't a problem if you have a lot of cash. Finding something AFFORDABLE close enough is a challenge.

The place I mentioned here, the studio? It will roughly double my commute time. But the pros outweigh that con... and the longer commute is sort of a pro, since it's on mass transit. I can use the time to read or write.


----------



## FeministInPink

And I am lucky I don't have kids, I couldn't afford to live here. But if I wasn't single--if I had a partner to share expenses--it would be a lot easier, in a number of ways.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, partners only increase expenses in my experience!!!


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Heh, partners only increase expenses in my experience!!!


Then you've had the wrong partners!!


----------



## SARAHMCD

I'm hoping to get some advice.  I need to talk to my FWB - or casual dating partner about the fact that I've "caught feelings" for him. I need to be honest to him and true to myself. I see the odds of this going about 90/10 to him saying he likes the status quo and doesn't want to uplevel versus declaring similar feelings for me. Keep in mind, we spend more time as friends than we do in the bedroom. We're definably not just FBs at all. We have romantic, regular dates. He's given me all kinds of mixed signals lately - although that could just be some wishful thinking on my part. 

So, I really want to get this over with to know where I stand, and start moving on should it go the way I think it might. I'm travelling soon and want some closure - one way or the other before I go. 

I suggested tonight via text (which he initiated) that I was going to a writers meetup group tomorrow in his part of town so perhaps we could meet around noon. He responds with "Sorry, I'm meeting someone for coffee at noon. Damn." I say "too many women, too little time?" He replies "Its not quite like that. Just coincidence." Uh-huh. Anyways, I'm aware he is likely still dating. And I've certainly indicated in the past that I was perfectly fine with it. 

So here's my question, do I text him that I really would just like to talk to him this weekend, let me know what time on Sunday he would be free? And then just hit him with it? Or do I email him in advance with what I'd like to talk to him about so he's at least prepared that its coming? Or do I wait until he asks me out again (which may kill me since I want to get this over with?). I've read stuff online where they say not to make it an ultimatum or they feel pressured to stay in a relationship under terms they don't really want. Keep in mind we're both introverts who like to mull things over. How can I not make it an ultimatum? I mean, he's either into me or he's not. I'm willing to walk if he's not. 

I know I'm way overthinking this, but I'm scared I'm about to lose a very good friend.


----------



## RandomDude

... and here I thought there was one female here who could convince me that it's possible for females to have FWB relations without the emo!!!



Honestly I wouldn't bring it up, but that's just me, I would let the feelings fade off by having some space, then continue.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> ... and here I thought there was one female here who could convince me that it's possible for females to have FWB relations without the emo!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly I wouldn't bring it up, but that's just me, I would let the feelings fade off by having some space, then continue.


I'm hoping the feelings might be reciprocated. If not, then I'm ready to move on, start dating for real (no more FWBs for me), and hopefully meet someone more serious. 

Sorry to disappoint you RD! Did you have any FWBs that lasted more than 6 months? I think over time you can't help but get close to the other person and either want to break it off or want to get closer.


----------



## vi_bride04

I wouldn't text anything like that and just wait to talk to him next time you see him. 

If you know it's probably going to end start distancing yourself now to help the feelings fade.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I get what you're saying. But my feelings won't change and it's just delaying the inevitable. I'll either have my feelings be reciprocated or I'll walk away knowing I tried and was honest. If he can't see yet how awesome I am then it's time to find someone who will Or just be good with being alone.
I'm seeing him sunday.


----------



## FormerSelf

SARAHMCD, I think maybe a good way to present your intentions without risking blowing it all to hell, is to proposition him along the lines of: "I've been thinking that I'd like for us to consider having an exclusive relationship...[cite reasons]." Maybe that's a little too clinical sounding, but something that sounds like you are giving him a choice.

But at the same time, it ultimately is an ultimatum. Because it sounds like you are not at a place to be FWB any longer...especially if he is still dating other women AND it seems like you are at a place to make room for a relationship in your life now. 

However, I think it is important to phrase it in a way that conveys to him that honesty will be safe and and appreciated...because you will need that if he decides not to be exclusive, so you won't feel caught in limbo.


----------



## Lifescript

FIP, 

Good luck finding a place. And I believe it's true that when something doesn't pan out something better is next. 

Sarah, 

I'm late but yea definitely something to talk about in person. 

If it was me I would just say something like: "I really like when I'm with you. I'd like us to be exclusive. I want to see if we have something here." 

Good luck on Sunday. You never know maybe he's just not showing his hand and is really more into you than you think. I wish I was like that. I usually show my hand way too freakin early.


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> I'm hoping the feelings might be reciprocated. If not, then I'm ready to move on, start dating for real (no more FWBs for me), and hopefully meet someone more serious.
> 
> Sorry to disappoint you RD! *Did you have any FWBs that lasted more than 6 months?* I think over time you can't help but get close to the other person and either want to break it off or want to get closer.


Yeah, ex-GF... so emos are a bane for me!!!

Bah!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> FIP,
> 
> If it was me I would just say something like: "I really like when I'm with you. I'd like us to be exclusive. I want to see if we have something here."
> 
> Good luck on Sunday. You never know maybe he's just not showing his hand and is really more into you than you think. I wish I was like that. I usually show my hand way too freakin early.



Thanks for the advice. That's pretty much what I plan on saying. I know from his introverted personality that he doesnt tend to take initiative easily. Plus his ex wife accused him of being controlling (she was rug sweeping on an affair) so even in his online profile he refers to himself as "never being clingy or overbearing". I think even if he really cared he would wait for me to say it first.
He has told me recently in a conversation while sitting on his sofa, what a great friend I've been to him, how he's tired of dating, that he's ready to find someone. Looking back I don't know why I didn't jump on that!
Still, it may have been said as one friend to another without him even considering me as a romantic partner.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Yeah, ex-GF... so emos are a bane for me!!!

Bah!







[/QUOTE]


I forgot RD, why didn't it work out with gf?


----------



## RandomDude

We were just not compatible for anything more than friends or FWBs, but emotions got involved

If they didn't, things could have been different, and even if we were to go our seperate ways, at least our friendship would still be intact. Unfortunately due to emotions fate had crueler plans for both of us.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Why not compatible? I just find it strange you can be friends and have sexual chemistry and not be able to turn that into a relationship at the point you're both emotionally ready.
I get if you were purely fb's that you might only be compatible in one way. But sounds like you were more?


----------



## RandomDude

No, we had alot of differences, dealbreakers actually, for me anyway. She wasn't the type I would want for a LTR, I go for women I can confide in for that, and no way I could confide with her, not because she's a bad person, but she'll never understand how my mind works. Different upbringing/mentalities/experiences/wavelength.

She was a good friend (at least on a surface level) and great sex partner but that's it. I thought I could make it work but I was wrong in the end. She was very upset when dumped and cut contact 

But hey, that's just us... maybe you and your FWB may work out, lots of relationships start from being just casual. Just for me... meh, when I go casual I want it to stay casual.


----------



## Lifescript

Sarah, 

Guys, for the most part, think and undertand that it is the women's job to bring up relationship talk. Most of my friends think this way and put he brakes on me when I said I wanted to talk to this girl I was seeing to let her know I saw her as long term potential.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Sarah,
> 
> Guys, for the most part, think and undertand that it is the women's job to bring up relationship talk. Most of my friends think this way and put he brakes on me when I said I wanted to talk to this girl I was seeing to let her know I saw her as long term potential.


Yes I get that it's up to me to raise the issue. How soon did you know your girl had ltr potential? 
Most signs point to a positive outcome except the fact that he seems content only seeing me once every 2-3 weeks. And no sleepovers. He hasn't said that directly but there's always an excuse. 
Then again it could be a way to distance himself if he's thinking I'm not ready for more. He's officially divorced as of yesterday. I'm only 6 months separated, although my marriage really ended a few year ago.


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> Yes I get that it's up to me to raise the issue. How soon did you know your girl had ltr potential?
> Most signs point to a positive outcome except the fact that he seems content only seeing me once every 2-3 weeks. And no sleepovers. He hasn't said that directly but there's always an excuse.
> Then again it could be a way to distance himself if he's thinking I'm not ready for more. He's officially divorced as of yesterday. I'm only 6 months separated, although my marriage really ended a few year ago.


It wasn't enough time before I saw her as long term potential. I kind of fell hard for her and she saw some things in that really describe who I am and so I found that incredibly charming and real. 

No sleepovers huh?

You are not divorced yet?

Only way to find out is by having that talk. I hope it goes the way you want.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> It wasn't enough time before I saw her as long term potential. I kind of fell hard for her and she saw some things in that really describe who I am and so I found that incredibly charming and real.
> 
> No sleepovers huh?
> 
> You are not divorced yet?
> 
> Only way to find out is by having that talk. I hope it goes the way you want.


I have to be separated a year before applying for a divorce in my state. 
I'm hoping for the best tomorrow, but expecting the worst. I'm sure he'll be very sweet about it. The I really like you, but....response. 
But I still feel I need to share my feelings and tell him what I like about him. I haven't shared much in the past since we were supposed to be keeping things light and casual. Maybe he'll find it real and charming too! Ha ha.


----------



## TooNice

Best of luck to you, Sarah. I think you've gotten some good advice here. 

I've had some time to think about the guy I was seeing who was pouring on the romance. He's given me space since our last date, which I appreciate. But I had an impromptu dinner a few night ago with a man I have seen a few times before, plus a first date last night with a man I knew in high school. I realized that I just don't feel the same connection with the European guy that I do with these other two. I'm so comfortable with both of them, and while I like him, it's just not the same. 

So, I need to call him tomorrow and figure out how to tell him that I don't want to see him again. I hate this part. :/

And I cannot believe that I just had two dates in one week. Lol.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TooNice said:


> Best of luck to you, Sarah. I think you've gotten some good advice here.
> 
> I've had some time to think about the guy I was seeing who was pouring on the romance. He's given me space since our last date, which I appreciate. But I had an impromptu dinner a few night ago with a man I have seen a few times before, plus a first date last night with a man I knew in high school. I realized that I just don't feel the same connection with the European guy that I do with these other two. I'm so comfortable with both of them, and while I like him, it's just not the same.
> 
> So, I need to call him tomorrow and figure out how to tell him that I don't want to see him again. I hate this part. :/
> 
> And I cannot believe that I just had two dates in one week. Lol.


Good for you!! Yes, you didn't sound like you were comfortable with the early attention the European guy was giving you. Its just about finding that right fit isn't it? 
Do you have plans for a second date with either of the other two?


----------



## TooNice

Thanks. I was trying to be sure that I wasn't overthinking or just not giving him a chance. But it felt so different on these other dates. I'm glad I had that to help me figure it out.

I don't have plans set with either one yet, but I'd definitely like to see both of them. Very sweet guys.


----------



## SARAHMCD

So I just got back from a long beach walk with my FWB. Had the talk. Started out telling him what a great guy he is (in detail) and thanking him for being there for me through a rough patch in my life. He told me how great he thought I was too. Then got to the "would you consider us dating for real?" question. He seemed a bit surprised by it and came up with "logistics would make that hard" (we live 50 mins apart), "we'd risk losing our friendship", and "I just would never consider a long term relationship with someone I met on "that" site". We essentially met on an "adult" hookup site. Which I really think is a bad excuse. We've had long talks about cheating - he knows where I stand on being monogamous and how few partners I've had. He said because that's how he met and the reason we got together to begin with was to be FWBs so he's never even considered me in any sort of romantic way. That yes, he really likes me and even wishes we could spend more time together, and the sex is great, but he couldn't think about starting a relationship that way. "What would we tell people about how we met? "

Later on, I made fun of his excuses - distance, really? My STBX lived a 90 min train ride away and we found time (he was shocked by this). And what would we tell people? Just say we met online. I did make him laugh - he realized those were lame. I was a bit offended that he said he wouldn't consider someone he met on a hookup site - I mean we've developed into so much more since then. He certainly knows my character and principals by now. He also said he doesn't want to date anyone seriously right now. That he's only interested in casual dating. He's still in IC dealing with depression (which he's always had but triggered badly from his breakup) and getting over his ex. 

In the end, he just doesn't feel about me in a romantic way and those were just excuses to use. I'm still very curious what his real reasons are. I mean, we're such great friends, we have a lot in common and we're good in the bedroom. Why not try exclusive dating? There must be a real underlying reason of why he's just not able to see me as LTR material. But I guess that's on him to not recognize my awesomeness! 

It was the reaction I expected, but hoped for more. So he left it up to me. He's fine with continuing as we are, or just meeting up as friends - taking sex off the table. He insisted again he really enjoys just spending time with me. Whatever I'm good with, but he can't promise me any more. He kept apologizing that he may have led me on and he never intended that. 

At this point, obviously I'm going to take a break from him. I go away for a couple of weeks soon so that will be a distraction. Then when I get back I'll set up a profile and start online dating. I'm sure I'll be back on here asking for OLD advice!


----------



## unsure78

Sara you cant get a guy to take the next step until they are ready, no matter how good a couple you are. People tell you who they are, so believe him when he says he not ready. The reasons don't matter, you will just get yourself twisted up trying to figure it out.


----------



## SARAHMCD

unsure78 said:


> Sara you cant get a guy to take the next step until they are ready, no matter how good a couple you are. People tell you who they are, so believe him when he says he not ready. The reasons don't matter, you will just get yourself twisted up trying to figure it out.


Absolutely. He isn't ready. So its probably for the best. Either I'll meet someone else, or when/if he is ready, he could be back and in a better place. 

It still bothers me that he said he could never consider starting a relationship with someone he met on "that" site. Isn't that saying he thinks I have low character? But if so, doesn't he have the same "low character"? He was there too!! He repeated this as his main excuse 3 times. Don't get it. Just a double standard? Or is it the mindset of "I've put you in this category so now I can't think of you as an actual girlfriend?"


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> In the end, he just doesn't feel about me in a romantic way and those were just excuses to use. I'm still very curious what his real reasons are. I mean, we're such great friends, we have a lot in common and we're good in the bedroom. Why not try exclusive dating? There must be a real underlying reason of why he's just not able to see me as LTR material. But I guess that's on him to not recognize my awesomeness!


You already know the real reason. It's just not right for him. He's just not feeling it. There's no further explanation. You just have to let it go.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> You already know the real reason. It's just not right for him. He's just not feeling it. There's no further explanation. You just have to let it go.


I know. I'm not devastated - I did see it coming. But still disappointed. I'll miss him. 
I was proud of myself for being honest and sharing my feelings. It didn't feel needy or desperate, no passive aggressive nonsense, just real. In the past I would have hung on, hoping he would change his mind. But I've grown up and time is too short to be with someone who isn't on the same page.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

Oh well, at least you got it off your chest

I'm really starting to believe majority of women are simply not capable of having a healthy FWB relationship without the emo, especially with that study that EleGirl posted, in regards to different chemicals released during sex between genders or some such... meh


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> *sigh*
> 
> Oh well, at least you got it off your chest
> 
> I'm really starting to believe majority of women are simply not capable of having a healthy FWB relationship without the emo, especially with that study that EleGirl posted, in regards to different chemicals released during sex between genders or some such... meh


I did have a healthy FWB relationship. Lasted about 6 months. It reached its end because I'm ready for something more/different now. The nature of the relationship is temporary. Actually most dating relationships are temporary aren't they?


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah that was a bad word, wasn't trying to imply your relationship wasn't healthy. My bad! I apologise

Just saying I'm paranoid now, especially with what happened with ex-GF/FWB


----------



## SARAHMCD

It is definitely not an easy relationship to maintain.


----------



## bravenewworld

SARAHMCD said:


> Absolutely. He isn't ready. So its probably for the best. Either I'll meet someone else, or when/if he is ready, he could be back and in a better place.
> 
> *It still bothers me that he said he could never consider starting a relationship with someone he met on "that" site. Isn't that saying he thinks I have low character? But if so, doesn't he have the same "low character"? He was there too!!* He repeated this as his main excuse 3 times. Don't get it. Just a double standard? Or is it the mindset of "I've put you in this category so now I can't think of you as an actual girlfriend?"


Ugh, what a turd. That would irritate me too. Nothing worse than a man with double-standards. Would the same reasoning work if he met you at the grocery store? "I could never date someone from the Supermarket! I was strictly there to buy produce." ::clutches man pearls::

You'll encounter this attitude from time to time. Just remember; your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bravenewworld said:


> SARAHMCD said:
> 
> 
> 
> Absolutely. He isn't ready. So its probably for the best. Either I'll meet someone else, or when/if he is ready, he could be back and in a better place.
> 
> *It still bothers me that he said he could never consider starting a relationship with someone he met on "that" site. Isn't that saying he thinks I have low character? But if so, doesn't he have the same "low character"? He was there too!!* He repeated this as his main excuse 3 times. Don't get it. Just a double standard? Or is it the mindset of "I've put you in this category so now I can't think of you as an actual girlfriend?"
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh, what a turd. That would irritate me too. Nothing worse than a man with double-standards. Would the same reasoning work if he met you at the grocery store? "I could never date someone from the Supermarket! I was strictly there to buy produce." ::clutches man pearls::
> 
> You'll encounter this attitude from time to time. Just remember; your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.
Click to expand...

Still can't grasp that one. I asked him if he thought it meant I'm the cheating type or changed the way he viewed me (we'd had this discussion before and he said absolutely not and even said, well, I was on there to so what would I be saying about myself then?). I think it might just be that he put me in the category of girl to have fun with so just never allowed himself to think of me as ltr material even if our relationship evolved. 
Still, I'm good with it. Things work out the way they should. I was honest and open. No more wondering "what ifs". No regrets..Maybe we'll be friends with boundaries in place- at some point in the future.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, even though I didn't think of ex-GF as LTR material - it was for ME, and I was certain she'll make a great partner for someone else. The thing is, I kinda led her on by giving it a shot, in the end we approached V-day and she had all these expectations, instead I dumped her 2 days prior as I couldn't keep up pretending that we had a future - I made a thread about it.

So what happened with your ex-FWB, from my perspective it's for the best, and he was honest not to lead you on.

Unlike me


----------



## Lifescript

To me it doesn't make sense Sarah. I always have the mentality that I will give someone a shot to show me who she is. Even in cases where I've heard rumors about someone being this or that way. I'm like ok ... show me. In your case, seems like you had enough time to show him you qualities and value. 

Just seems like he is not interested in anything long term. The stuff about he can't see himself with someone he met on that site is a BS excuse. 

Have 2 women in my orbit who I think I'll ask out. They both have kids (2). I would like to find someone with no kids preferably or with one around my son's age. One of these women has a teenage son who is 17. She's much older than me. But in thinking heck I could learn a thing or two from her. 

I want to get as much dating experience I can get. I'll be honest and let them know right now I'm not into anything serious and will take things slow.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> To me it doesn't make sense Sarah. I always have the mentality that I will give someone a shot to show me who she is. Even in cases where I've heard rumors about someone being this or that way. I'm like ok ... show me. In your case, seems like you had enough time to show him you qualities and value.
> 
> Just seems like he is not interested in anything long term. The stuff about he can't see himself with someone he met on that site is a BS excuse.
> 
> Have 2 women in my orbit who I think I'll ask out. They both have kids (2). I would like to find someone with no kids preferably or with one around my son's age. One of these women has a teenage son who is 17. She's much older than me. But in thinking heck I could learn a thing or two from her.
> 
> I want to get as much dating experience I can get. I'll be honest and let them know right now I'm not into anything serious and will take things slow.



That one still bothers me to the point where I don't think I would even want to stay friends with him at all - even acquaintances. Because what else does it say but I have no respect for you because you were looking to hook up at one point in your life- so I can't possibly see you as girlfriend material? Which is a real slap in the face since we were such good friends and had many long discussions about past relationships, etc. He knew my sexual history - which isn't much! Unless he thought I just lied about everything. Then hey, he isn't someone I want to be friends with or spend any time with. 

And yes, its a BS excuse. But he said it 3 times. Its the one he kept coming back to like it was the complete deciding factor that he could never get passed, no matter how well we got along, how much chemistry we had, etc. 

Meh! Moving on. Live and learn. Should I need it - I have another FWB in the wings (more FB) that I haven't seen in awhile. For now, I will take time off. And then consider getting seriously in the dating world again. My problem is I'm still separated. Its hard to find someone willing to seriously date someone who isn't divorced. I have to wait a full year of living apart before we can file. That doesn't seem like much but when you're coming out of a marriage where you didn't speak much or have sex for the past 3 years, it seems like forever!!

How did you meet these two women you're interested in? How much older is the one with the teenaged son?


----------



## Lifescript

I hear you. That's been on of the reasons I haven't started OLD. Because I'm not yet divorced and I know it can get awkward real fast. 

These 2 women I met through mutual friends. 

The one with the teenage son is 37. She's 6 years older than me. She doesn't look her age at all. She looks like 30, 31. 

The other one is younger than me. I don't have a crazy physical attraction to her though but she has a real nice personality and I feel like attraction grows with time. I don't find her ugly though.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> I hear you. That's been on of the reasons I haven't started OLD. Because I'm not yet divorced and I know it can get awkward real fast.
> 
> These 2 women I met through mutual friends.
> 
> The one with the teenage son is 37. She's 6 years older than me. She doesn't look her age at all. She looks like 30, 31.
> 
> The other one is younger than me. I don't have a crazy physical attraction to her though but she has a real nice personality and I feel like attraction grows with time. I don't find her ugly though.


I
I'm sure she would be flattered to know you "don't find her ugly". Ha ha
And dont worry about age difference. Especially if she takes care of herself. It makes no difference.

FWB guy just texted. Probably worried he's lost a good arrangement. Don't really feel like texting back yet. That whole "from that site" comment is still bothering me. His turn down was expected but that comment was not.


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> That one still bothers me to the point where I don't think I would even want to stay friends with him at all - even acquaintances.


Painful to watch... =/

*sigh* memories memories...


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Painful to watch... =/
> 
> *sigh* memories memories...


You'll be happy to know we cleared up that particular misunderstanding. So...we're hoping to stay friends. I just have to keep sex out of the equation. He says he's perfectly fine with that. We'll see.


----------



## Healer

Well, I'm single again. Rather relieved. I'm thinking I might be destined to stay single and just have FWB. Hope you're all well!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Healer said:


> Well, I'm single again. Rather relieved. I'm thinking I might be destined to stay single and just have FWB. Hope you're all well!


What happened?


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well, I'm single again. Rather relieved. I'm thinking I might be destined to stay single and just have FWB. Hope you're all well!


I thought everything was going well! What happened???


----------



## Healer

Well, we were getting along really well, but things in the bedroom...were not improving. She was still very, very inhibited, would stop herself from cumming, constant negative talk...it was always this huge struggle. She'd stifle herself and say "no, no, let's make this all about you - what do you want?". I'd say "I want you to let yourself go and cum...that's what does it for me - it's the journey. As soon as I do, then it's over. You can cum as often as you like - _that's_ what I want". Then she'd say "this is too intense" and shut down, which would shut me down. It was never fun or playful - just stressful. She wouldn't have her shirt off in the light. Then she started demanding that we cum together and couldn't figure out why we couldn't! Very odd - not what I'm used to.

On Friday night she invited the kids and me to a work BBQ she was having, and I said yes. She was very appreciative. We went and it was nice. Then that night, sex was weird. Again just uptight, not fun, stressful.

She kinda complained about it and said some not too nice things. I've never had any complaints before. She's SO jammed up about it. So I was a bit put off. We didn't talk Saturday. Sunday she texts that she wants to talk as "things got a bit real for her Friday and she's not comfortable with our lack of communication". By then I had thought about it, and decided I was done - we've done it 8-10 times, and it's not getting better - it's too important to me to have that be an issue. Life's too short for bad sex. So I explained it to her that she doesn't seem comfortable, it's a struggle, maybe we're not compatible that way. And that it should be fun and playful and bond us etc.

She got mad and told me I was immature and only thinking with my ****. SO not true. I said my favorite thing is talking with you, getting to know your mind and soul...but sex is important too, and if it's not better now, it won't get better.

So we talked last night on the phone. She basically said she's not sure she doesn't want kids (I told her I don't a long ways back) and that she feels by me not wanting them that I'm "making that decision for her". She's 43. 

Then she told me she thinks I;m still hung up on my ex wife. OMG!!! Nothing could be farther from the truth. I divorced her and it was the best thing I ever did. I'm off meds and MUCH happier. I've had NIGHTMARES about being back with her - NEVER!!

Basically from the text I sent her telling her about the sex issue, and our phone convo, she got the hint I was kinda done, and that pissed her off and then she got defensive and mean. We ended it respectfully (well, I tried to be). I wished her the best and said goodbye.

Of course she had to get the last word and texted me late last night (woke me up) saying she really wasn't that into me anyway and I did her a favor. Whatever.

I was so stressed yesterday, thinking about trying to force this to work. I'm very relieved and chilled out today. I've never encountered such a (sorry) frigid woman.

She was a terrible kisser too.


----------



## Lifescript

Jeezus ... seems like a lot of work and weirdness all around. You are right. When you click with someone sparks fly, butterflies, hot sex, the works. 

Sounds like she has some issues.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> Jeezus ... seems like a lot of work and weirdness all around. You are right. When you click with someone sparks fly, butterflies, hot sex, the works.
> 
> Sounds like she has some issues.


I guess there's a reason she's 43 and never been married or had a ltr.


----------



## unsure78

Healer said:


> I guess there's a reason she's 43 and never been married or had a ltr.


Note that one for your dating list too Script...usually if someone is over mid to late 30s and never been married there is a reason why..

Sorry Healer  better over sooner rather than later


----------



## SARAHMCD

unsure78 said:


> Note that one for your dating list too Script...usually if someone is over mid to late 30s and never been married there is a reason why..
> 
> Sorry Healer  better over sooner rather than later


Funny story, I had an ex boyfriend (he was 35, I was 33 at the time) tell me that he would have found it really strange if I'd never been married before by that age. This, from the guy who refused to marry me after 4 years together. And he, himself, had never been married!!! He didn't understand what either of those things had to do with his comment. :grin2:


----------



## Lifescript

unsure78 said:


> Note that one for your dating list too Script...usually if someone is over mid to late 30s and never been married there is a reason why..
> 
> Sorry Healer  better over sooner rather than later


The girl I was seeing ... as you know the first sexual encounter was weird but then ... really really good the next few times and then I had to say bye to her  

Lol


----------



## FeministInPink

@Healer -- oy, yeah, you had to let that one go. Life is too short for bad sex. And that's really sad that she's so inhibited... she's denying herself one of life's best pleasures. The best pleasure, IMHO. And then when you tried to break it off... all the bad came to the surface. 

Dodged a bullet, friend.

I agree with Lifescript... when things are working, when things are right, the sparks fly, there are butterflies, and none of it seems like work. If it feels like work, something's not right.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> @Healer -- oy, yeah, you had to let that one go. Life is too short for bad sex. And that's really sad that she's so inhibited... she's denying herself one of life's best pleasures. The best pleasure, IMHO. And then when you tried to break it off... all the bad came to the surface.
> 
> Dodged a bullet, friend.
> 
> I agree with Lifescript... when things are working, when things are right, the sparks fly, there are butterflies, and none of it seems like work. If it feels like work, something's not right.


Sing it sister!!


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Funny story, I had an ex boyfriend (he was 35, I was 33 at the time) tell me that he would have found it really strange if I'd never been married before by that age. This, from the guy who refused to marry me after 4 years together. And he, himself, had never been married!!! He didn't understand what either of those things had to do with his comment. :grin2:


What a tool. I think maybe you're lucky that he didn't marry you.

I think it you get to mid-40s and you've never been married, that says something... but in DC, a lot of people are really career-focused, and don't get married until their late 30s. It's completely normal here. I mean, I was 28 when I got married... and I was the first of my friends to marry.


----------



## RandomDude

Healer said:


> Well, I'm single again. Rather relieved. I'm thinking I might be destined to stay single and just have FWB. Hope you're all well!


Sounds familiar... take a break though mate, you'll want to be at your best in the game.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I think it you get to mid-40s and you've never been married, that says something...


For me I would reckon they are the smartest folk around!


----------



## bkyln309

Healer said:


> Well, we were getting along really well, but things in the bedroom...were not improving. She was still very, very inhibited, would stop herself from cumming, constant negative talk...it was always this huge struggle. She'd stifle herself and say "no, no, let's make this all about you - what do you want?". I'd say "I want you to let yourself go and cum...that's what does it for me - it's the journey. As soon as I do, then it's over. You can cum as often as you like - _that's_ what I want". Then she'd say "this is too intense" and shut down, which would shut me down. It was never fun or playful - just stressful. She wouldn't have her shirt off in the light. Then she started demanding that we cum together and couldn't figure out why we couldn't! Very odd - not what I'm used to.
> 
> On Friday night she invited the kids and me to a work BBQ she was having, and I said yes. She was very appreciative. We went and it was nice. Then that night, sex was weird. Again just uptight, not fun, stressful.
> 
> She kinda complained about it and said some not too nice things. I've never had any complaints before. She's SO jammed up about it. So I was a bit put off. We didn't talk Saturday. Sunday she texts that she wants to talk as "things got a bit real for her Friday and she's not comfortable with our lack of communication". By then I had thought about it, and decided I was done - we've done it 8-10 times, and it's not getting better - it's too important to me to have that be an issue. Life's too short for bad sex. So I explained it to her that she doesn't seem comfortable, it's a struggle, maybe we're not compatible that way. And that it should be fun and playful and bond us etc.
> 
> She got mad and told me I was immature and only thinking with my ****. SO not true. I said my favorite thing is talking with you, getting to know your mind and soul...but sex is important too, and if it's not better now, it won't get better.
> 
> So we talked last night on the phone. She basically said she's not sure she doesn't want kids (I told her I don't a long ways back) and that she feels by me not wanting them that I'm "making that decision for her". She's 43.
> 
> Then she told me she thinks I;m still hung up on my ex wife. OMG!!! Nothing could be farther from the truth. I divorced her and it was the best thing I ever did. I'm off meds and MUCH happier. I've had NIGHTMARES about being back with her - NEVER!!
> 
> Basically from the text I sent her telling her about the sex issue, and our phone convo, she got the hint I was kinda done, and that pissed her off and then she got defensive and mean. We ended it respectfully (well, I tried to be). I wished her the best and said goodbye.
> 
> Of course she had to get the last word and texted me late last night (woke me up) saying she really wasn't that into me anyway and I did her a favor. Whatever.
> 
> I was so stressed yesterday, thinking about trying to force this to work. I'm very relieved and chilled out today. I've never encountered such a (sorry) frigid woman.
> 
> She was a terrible kisser too.


You did the right thing. I married a guy like this and it turned into a miserable and sexless marriage. It doesnt feel good right now but you will find yourself much happier in the long run. 

I know for me I wont make that mistake again. Unless the sex is great, I wont be staying.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Well, I'm single again. Rather relieved. I'm thinking I might be destined to stay single and just have FWB. Hope you're all well!





RandomDude said:


> Sounds familiar... take a break though mate, you'll want to be at your best in the game.


I'm not sure if RD is encouraging you to pursue just FWB?

I say, don't do it! If you WANT a relationship, then that's what you should work towards--don't resign yourself to less than what you want and deserve because you're discouraged.

And think about it this way--you're getting better at identifying what doesn't work for you. That's why your post-divorce relationships end. It seems discouraging, but really? You're getting better at recognizing those red flags, and you're prioritizing your needs, and when you see those flags, you're moving on because you now know that those flags mean. You're moving on to try to find someone BETTER FOR YOU, rather than sticking around and trying to make it work with someone who isn't a good fit. I know it's discouraging--I have those moments, too, and I think we all do--but don't settle for less than you deserve or less than what you want. If you want a relationship, accepting a FWB arrangement IS settling. You can settle for a person who doesn't meet your needs, but when you accept a situation that doesn't meet your needs? That's settling, too.

Don't settle!

Yes, definitely take some time for yourself, a break, before getting out there again. You need it to work through this discouragement thing you've got going on right now. That is NOT going to help your dating game at all. Women can smell that from a mile away.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not sure if RD is encouraging you to pursue just FWB?
> 
> I say, don't do it! If you WANT a relationship, then that's what you should work towards--don't resign yourself to less than what you want and deserve because you're discouraged.
> 
> And think about it this way--you're getting better at identifying what doesn't work for you. That's why your post-divorce relationships end. It seems discouraging, but really? You're getting better at recognizing those red flags, and you're prioritizing your needs, and when you see those flags, you're moving on because you now know that those flags mean. You're moving on to try to find someone BETTER FOR YOU, rather than sticking around and trying to make it work with someone who isn't a good fit. I know it's discouraging--I have those moments, too, and I think we all do--but don't settle for less than you deserve or less than what you want. If you want a relationship, accepting a FWB arrangement IS settling. You can settle for a person who doesn't meet your needs, but when you accept a situation that doesn't meet your needs? That's settling, too.
> 
> Don't settle!
> 
> Yes, definitely take some time for yourself, a break, before getting out there again. You need it to work through this discouragement thing you've got going on right now. That is NOT going to help your dating game at all. Women can smell that from a mile away.


Thanks FP. I guess what's going on is - and you're right - my standards are high and I won't settle. I'd rather be single than in a mediocre relationship. The whole "**** yes" thing really applies. Bad sex? No way - done. The thing is, I'm not desperate at all for a relationship or girlfriend. I have 2 amazing kids, and already was married (in a bad marriage). 

I sit at home doing my thing, producing music, and think "do I really want a relationship? Do I want to give up all this precious freedom?" I cherish my solitude and freedom. It will take one amazing woman who I just go nuts for to change that. Haven't found her yet.

The FWB - I really, really love sex (when it's good that is). And I do have a FWB (well, stopped seeing her while I was seeing RG). And we get along great and the sex is amazing. But I don't know how sustainable that is. We'll see. It's too bad I don't have "those" feelings for her, because we have great chemistry in bed, and she's cool. I just don't have the feels for her.


----------



## Healer

RG just _had_ to get the last word in. I had deleted all our text conversations. Then last night she had to tell me how much it pissed her off when I said "my bad" for something she was uppity over. I actually said "my bad, I apologize". She said "your comment 'my bad' made me soooooooo mad!". I didn't respond. She can have the last word. Childish.


----------



## RandomDude

Tis just the death throws of a former relationship, ex-GF did the same, flooding my phone with "waaaah waaaaahs" but now looking back it's quite amusing.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> RG just _had_ to get the last word in. I had deleted all our text conversations. Then last night she had to tell me how much it pissed her off when I said "my bad" for something she was uppity over. I actually said "my bad, I apologize". She said "your comment 'my bad' made me soooooooo mad!". I didn't respond. She can have the last word. Childish.


She's just trying to keep you engaging with her. Don't respond.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> She's just trying to keep you engaging with her. Don't respond.


I didn't. Just deleted the text instead.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Thanks FP. I guess what's going on is - and you're right - my standards are high and I won't settle. I'd rather be single than in a mediocre relationship. The whole "**** yes" thing really applies. Bad sex? No way - done. The thing is, I'm not desperate at all for a relationship or girlfriend. I have 2 amazing kids, and already was married (in a bad marriage).


You know what? GOOD!!! Keep your standards high, and wait until FVCK YES! comes along. My mother beat it into my head for YEARS that my standards and expectations of others was too high (which is more a reflection on her than me, but that's another story for another time), and eventually I began to believe it--so I settled for a man who treated me like crap, because I had become convinced that I didn't deserve any better than that. When I realized all the time I wasted with a man who didn't deserve ME, I promised myself that I wouldn't waste another minute on a man who didn't meet my standards. 

So rock on. Don't settle.



Healer said:


> I sit at home doing my thing, producing music, and think "do I really want a relationship? Do I want to give up all this precious freedom?" I cherish my solitude and freedom. It will take one amazing woman who I just go nuts for to change that. Haven't found her yet.


The right woman won't threaten your freedom, and her company will be better than solitude--but she'll give you the solitude when you need it. And if you're passionate about producing music, not only will she respect it, but it's one of the things she will love about you. Maybe it will be a shared passion, maybe it won't. Maybe she'll have the raw musical talent that you can produce. But she'll see it as a part of you, and she won't want to get in the way of that.



Healer said:


> *The FWB - I really, really love sex (when it's good that is). And I do have a FWB (well, stopped seeing her while I was seeing RG). And we get along great and the sex is amazing. But I don't know how sustainable that is. We'll see. It's too bad I don't have "those" feelings for her, because we have great chemistry in bed, and she's cool. I just don't have the feels for her.*


 @SARAHMCD -- ^^^THIS is your explanation for why FWB doesn't want to try dating. Just pretend that Healer is your FWB.

@Healer -- this is what I struggle with, too. I've considered the FWB avenue, tried it out briefly recently... but once I have it, I want it ALL the time. Wanting too much sex seems to signal emotional attachment to guys, and also requires too much of a time investment for something that's supposed to be casual. Also, wanting more sex than I'm actually getting is far too reminiscent of my former marriage, and I've discovered that it's a trigger for me when dealing with this most recent guy. Which led to a big misunderstanding, so I think that we're done now. And I feel for the amount of effort that goes into finding a FWB, I might as well put that energy towards getting a relationship, since that's what I really want. (I could have seen a relationship happening with Recent Guy, which is why I went out with him in the first place--but life circumstances make that difficult for him at the moment.)


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Speaking of F*** Yes, is it an immediate thing you guys/gals feel or is it something that develops over time? I met another girl a couple of weeks back and we've been talking a lot. We have not been together yet as we've only had lunch twice. Kissed her after the second one, and if that kiss was any indication it may be fireworks in bed! But I don't know that yet. We may not mesh at all, who knows. 

I don't feel F*** Yes yet. Because it's only been a short time and we've yet to experience much together. She's very different from my "type", on purpose. My type has screwed me over and I've learned that in the past I was attracted to the "hot mess" variety (the old fixer in me I guess). So she's not my usual "type", and the attraction is different. I must be at the "let's see if this is F*** Yes or not" stage. Thoughts?


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Speaking of F*** Yes, is it an immediate thing you guys/gals feel or is it something that develops over time? I met another girl a couple of weeks back and we've been talking a lot. We have not been together yet as we've only had lunch twice. Kissed her after the second one, and if that kiss was any indication it may be fireworks in bed! But I don't know that yet. We may not mesh at all, who knows.
> 
> I don't feel F*** Yes yet. Because it's only been a short time and we've yet to experience much together. She's very different from my "type", on purpose. My type has screwed me over and I've learned that in the past I was attracted to the "hot mess" variety (the old fixer in me I guess). So she's not my usual "type", and the attraction is different. I must be at the "let's see if this is F*** Yes or not" stage. Thoughts?


GG, have you read the Fvck Yes article?
**** Yes or No

Whether it's immediate or not depends on your personality and how you get to know people. Does it take you a while to warm to people, or to decide on whether or not you like them? (Non-romantic: Platonic, professional, etc.) If so, then for you, it could be something that develops over time. And your description of the kiss sounds like she has Fvck Yes potential.

Me? I generally know right away if it's one or the other; if I'm not sure, I'll usually lose interest pretty quickly if it's a Fvck No. I still start out with my gut reaction on Yes or No, but my conscious observance of red flags pushes Yes people [who start out as Yes] to No much more readily now.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> You know what? GOOD!!! Keep your standards high, and wait until FVCK YES! comes along. My mother beat it into my head for YEARS that my standards and expectations of others was too high (which is more a reflection on her than me, but that's another story for another time), and eventually I began to believe it--so I settled for a man who treated me like crap, because I had become convinced that I didn't deserve any better than that. When I realized all the time I wasted with a man who didn't deserve ME, I promised myself that I wouldn't waste another minute on a man who didn't meet my standards.
> 
> So rock on. Don't settle.
> 
> 
> 
> The right woman won't threaten your freedom, and her company will be better than solitude--but she'll give you the solitude when you need it. And if you're passionate about producing music, not only will she respect it, but it's one of the things she will love about you. Maybe it will be a shared passion, maybe it won't. Maybe she'll have the raw musical talent that you can produce. But she'll see it as a part of you, and she won't want to get in the way of that.
> 
> 
> 
> @SARAHMCD -- ^^^THIS is your explanation for why FWB doesn't want to try dating. Just pretend that Healer is your FWB.
> 
> @Healer -- this is what I struggle with, too. I've considered the FWB avenue, tried it out briefly recently... but once I have it, I want it ALL the time. Wanting too much sex seems to signal emotional attachment to guys, and also requires too much of a time investment for something that's supposed to be casual. Also, wanting more sex than I'm actually getting is far too reminiscent of my former marriage, and I've discovered that it's a trigger for me when dealing with this most recent guy. Which led to a big misunderstanding, so I think that we're done now. And I feel for the amount of effort that goes into finding a FWB, I might as well put that energy towards getting a relationship, since that's what I really want. (I could have seen a relationship happening with Recent Guy, which is why I went out with him in the first place--but life circumstances make that difficult for him at the moment.)


Thanks FP. It would be great to find this woman of which you speak! I guess I have to keep trying and hope she's out there. Some people say "stop looking, it'll find you". But then I think, if I don't get out and actively pursue, it'll never happen. Idk. I'll take a break for a while anyway.

Yes, FWB are tricky. I'm glad you realize your worth now after getting out of a ****ty marriage.


----------



## Healer

TheGoodGuy said:


> Speaking of F*** Yes, is it an immediate thing you guys/gals feel or is it something that develops over time? I met another girl a couple of weeks back and we've been talking a lot. We have not been together yet as we've only had lunch twice. Kissed her after the second one, and if that kiss was any indication it may be fireworks in bed! But I don't know that yet. We may not mesh at all, who knows.
> 
> I don't feel F*** Yes yet. Because it's only been a short time and we've yet to experience much together. She's very different from my "type", on purpose. My type has screwed me over and I've learned that in the past I was attracted to the "hot mess" variety (the old fixer in me I guess). So she's not my usual "type", and the attraction is different. I must be at the "let's see if this is F*** Yes or not" stage. Thoughts?


I don't think it has to be "love at first sight" or anything. It can take time - and maybe the **** yes builds over time. With me, it's gone from a "f8ck maybe!!" to a "f8ck no!!" with every woman I've dated.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> You know what? GOOD!!! Keep your standards high, and wait until FVCK YES! comes along. My mother beat it into my head for YEARS that my standards and expectations of others was too high (which is more a reflection on her than me, but that's another story for another time), and eventually I began to believe it--so I settled for a man who treated me like crap, because I had become convinced that I didn't deserve any better than that. When I realized all the time I wasted with a man who didn't deserve ME, I promised myself that I wouldn't waste another minute on a man who didn't meet my standards.
> 
> So rock on. Don't settle.
> 
> 
> 
> The right woman won't threaten your freedom, and her company will be better than solitude--but she'll give you the solitude when you need it. And if you're passionate about producing music, not only will she respect it, but it's one of the things she will love about you. Maybe it will be a shared passion, maybe it won't. Maybe she'll have the raw musical talent that you can produce. But she'll see it as a part of you, and she won't want to get in the way of that.
> 
> 
> 
> @SARAHMCD -- ^^^THIS is your explanation for why FWB doesn't want to try dating. Just pretend that Healer is your FWB.
> 
> @Healer -- this is what I struggle with, too. I've considered the FWB avenue, tried it out briefly recently... but once I have it, I want it ALL the time. Wanting too much sex seems to signal emotional attachment to guys, and also requires too much of a time investment for something that's supposed to be casual. Also, wanting more sex than I'm actually getting is far too reminiscent of my former marriage, and I've discovered that it's a trigger for me when dealing with this most recent guy. Which led to a big misunderstanding, so I think that we're done now. And I feel for the amount of effort that goes into finding a FWB, I might as well put that energy towards getting a relationship, since that's what I really want. (I could have seen a relationship happening with Recent Guy, which is why I went out with him in the first place--but life circumstances make that difficult for him at the moment.)



FIP, wise one, I always love your advice. And your mention of your mother convincing you to settle? Yup, same here. When I was in my twenties, she couldn't understand why I couldn't be with any guy that was single as long as he had a job and wanted to marry me. I was never taught to have standards. I learned along the way. 

And as for the former FWB, yes, spot on. And I'm accepting it. Still deciding if I can do the "just friends" thing with him; if its even worth it. Or if things just got too weird between us. I'll give it time apart and see. 

I also get what you mean about the sex issue. Right now I have another FB (he's been around - but haven't seen him in awhile while I've been sorting out my feelings for the other one). Now he will be back in the picture, but unfortunately, after we have sex (which with him is AMAZING- I mean, best chemistry I've ever had), I just want it MORE. And then if you start doing it regularly, well, then its no longer casual right? At least with him, I know the line is drawn as just sex. We don't date. We just refuel between our activities  No chance of me wanting more - just more often. 

But I may need to go cold turkey if I hope to start actually looking for something more meaningful. 

And I completely agree with your advice to Healer. I'd love to find a guy with a passion like that. Either its something I share or something I can learn about and appreciate. As long as there's still some room in his life for a relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

@TheGoodGuy -- I refer you to this specific paragraph from the essay:

"Fvck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. You can be “Fvck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fvck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “Fvck Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship."

Are you “Fvck Yes” about seeing her again because you think something might be there?


----------



## Healer

SARAHMCD said:


> And I completely agree with your advice to Healer. I'd love to find a guy with a passion like that. Either its something I share or something I can learn about and appreciate. As long as there's still some room in his life for a relationship.


How _you_ doin?


----------



## tripad

reading this and wondering having FWB , the sex will be like forbidden fruit so it will always more intense , isnt it ? It will never compare to sex in real relationship ?

divorced and without sex and relationship while sorting out emotions and directions . so I was wondering if I should ever fall into FWB . but I doubt not . I am afraid I may get hurt if the sex is too good and I setlle for a lesser man . Not making the same mistake again .


----------



## vi_bride04

Sex with my fwb has seriously dwindled since we have been hanging out and dating more. Hmmmm. Not sure I like that at all.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> GG, have you read the Fvck Yes article?
> **** Yes or No
> 
> Whether it's immediate or not depends on your personality and how you get to know people. Does it take you a while to warm to people, or to decide on whether or not you like them? (Non-romantic: Platonic, professional, etc.) If so, then for you, it could be something that develops over time. And your description of the kiss sounds like she has Fvck Yes potential.
> 
> Me? I generally know right away if it's one or the other; if I'm not sure, I'll usually lose interest pretty quickly if it's a Fvck No. I still start out with my gut reaction on Yes or No, but my conscious observance of red flags pushes Yes people [who start out as Yes] to No much more readily now.


I have read it but it's been a while, thank you. I think this quote from the article sums up and agrees with your point: "**** Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. *You can be “**** Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “**** Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. *You can be “**** Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship.

The point is: both you and the other person need to be **** yes about something, otherwise you’re just wasting your time."
The bold part is where I'm at at the moment. Im looking forward to seeing if something is there!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> @TheGoodGuy -- I refer you to this specific paragraph from the essay:
> 
> "Fvck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. You can be “Fvck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fvck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “Fvck Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship."
> 
> Are you “Fvck Yes” about seeing her again because you think something might be there?


Whoah.. I just posted this exact paragraph! spooky. 

Yes. I am "Fvck Yes" about seeing her again, although it's too soon to know if this will bloom or fizzle.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> FIP, wise one, I always love your advice. And your mention of your mother convincing you to settle? Yup, same here. When I was in my twenties, she couldn't understand why I couldn't be with any guy that was single as long as he had a job and wanted to marry me. I was never taught to have standards. I learned along the way.
> 
> And as for the former FWB, yes, spot on. And I'm accepting it. Still deciding if I can do the "just friends" thing with him; if its even worth it. Or if things just got too weird between us. I'll give it time apart and see.
> 
> I also get what you mean about the sex issue. Right now I have another FB (he's been around - but haven't seen him in awhile while I've been sorting out my feelings for the other one). Now he will be back in the picture, but unfortunately, after we have sex (which with him is AMAZING- I mean, best chemistry I've ever had), I just want it MORE. And then if you start doing it regularly, well, then its no longer casual right? At least with him, I know the line is drawn as just sex. We don't date. We just refuel between our activities  No chance of me wanting more - just more often.
> 
> But I may need to go cold turkey if I hope to start actually looking for something more meaningful.
> 
> And I completely agree with your advice to Healer. I'd love to find a guy with a passion like that. Either its something I share or something I can learn about and appreciate. As long as there's still some room in his life for a relationship.


Ha, you make me feel like Yoda or something 

Oh, yeah, your mom sounds exactly like mine. She kept pushing me to date guys to whom I had zero attraction, even bordering on repulsion--because "he's such a nice boy!" My mother, who never dated anyone but my father, who didn't date until she was in her mid-20's, who has told me that she wasn't really attracted to him but went out with him because there was nothing better on the horizon... Honestly? I think she pushed me towards settling because somehow, if I settled for a guy I wasn't really attracted to, that would validate her own choices with my father. 

(God, seriously, the more I examine my relationship with my mother? It's so fvcking twisted...)

Former FWB--if you're still trying to decide if you can be friends, then it's not going to be worth it. He doesn't actually want to be friends, he likes having you as a FWB, and he'll keep you as a "friend" on the off chance that you'll sleep with him again. So no, not worth it... unless you're OK with and welcome the idea of randomly falling into bed with him again, in which case, you should just keep the FWB thing going. If you weren't already good enough friends for you to immediately say, I can't lose this person as a friend, I have to keep him in my life, then... it's not going to be worth the effort. And any new man who comes into your life, once he finds out about the history between the two of you, will instantly be suspicious that former FWB is waiting for another chance to get in your pants.

I say, bring FB back into the picture--and when you see him, make sure you go several rounds, not just once and done. Like, tell him to make sure you can't walk the next day. Tell him to wear you out. That way you'll need some recovery time, so you won't be pushing for it as often  

(And eat some bananas afterwards.)


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Ha, you make me feel like Yoda or something
> 
> I say, bring FB back into the picture--and when you see him, make sure you go several rounds, not just once and done. Like, tell him to make sure you can't walk the next day. Tell him to wear you out. That way you'll need some recovery time, so you won't be pushing for it as often
> 
> (And eat some bananas afterwards.)


:rofl::rofl:

I've already made him promise me 2 rounds at least. And yes, I need a few days of recovery time after him. I actually do stretches in advance! Let's just say, last time he had to ask me a couple of times if I was ok after the O's :grin2: He was seriously concerned. The boy definitely brings it! 
Thanks for the banana advice:smile2:

And yes, your mother sounds just like mine!! Met my father at 18, married at 22. She liked that he was good looking and could dance. Those were her only requirements at that age. And couldn't understand why I had difficulty "locking" a man down immediately after my first marriage ended at the ripe age of 25. I could certainly elaborate about my mother issues (or lack of mothering) on a whole other thread!

As for the other FWB - I think you're right. We did have a great friendship but I think sex would always be on both our minds if/when we got together. And to be honest, sex was good, but not mind-blowing with him. So it just wouldn't be worth it for me. Its like sex with an ex. Not worth the trouble in most cases.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Thanks FP. It would be great to find this woman of which you speak! I guess I have to keep trying and hope she's out there. Some people say "stop looking, it'll find you". But then I think, if I don't get out and actively pursue, it'll never happen. Idk. I'll take a break for a while anyway.


You'll find her. Sarah said she would love to find a guy with a passion like yours. It's definitely something that I want in a partner, as well. And we are both catches! So if there are two like us out here in the world, there are bound to be more. You just have to find us.

But you're right--you do have to get out there and pursue.



Healer said:


> Yes, FWB are tricky. I'm glad you realize your worth now after getting out of a ****ty marriage.


Thanks  It's an ongoing struggle, though. I have my moments of weakness and doubt, too. My ups and downs. Y'all just don't see them. 

I question whether I'll ever find someone to love, if I'll ever find someone who wants to love me. I'm lonely... a lot of the time, despite having friends. I see couples holding hands on the street, and I get jealous and ask why I don't have someone to hold my hand. I sometimes count up the days and start to cry when I realize how long it's been since I've been touched by another person.

These things... they're fleeting. They are on the tip of my tongue for a moment, and then they're gone again, but they cut deep.

Like I said, y'all don't see them, and they're so fleeting that it's hardly worth posting about.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> reading this and wondering having FWB , the sex will be like forbidden fruit so it will always more intense , isnt it ? It will never compare to sex in real relationship ?
> 
> divorced and without sex and relationship while sorting out emotions and directions . so I was wondering if I should ever fall into FWB . but I doubt not . I am afraid I may get hurt if the sex is too good and I setlle for a lesser man . Not making the same mistake again .


I don't think it's more intense or forbidden or anything like that. For me, FWB sex is something to tide me over... I think relationship sex is more intense because there are emotions involved, if you're having mindful sex and using it as an expression of love.

Robotic, doing-it-because-it's-my-job relationship sex sucks. I hope I never have that type of sex again.

FWB works for some people. For others it doesn't. It's a personal decision.


----------



## SARAHMCD

vi_bride04 said:


> Sex with my fwb has seriously dwindled since we have been hanging out and dating more. Hmmmm. Not sure I like that at all.


This happened to me too. I started "catching feelings" for him, but the sex was no longer fantastic - just good. So, if you can follow this logic, I realized I either needed to upgrade him to boyfriend or move on. I mean, you have to be either getting mind-blowing sex OR getting the emotional connection to go with good sex don't you?


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Sex with my fwb has seriously dwindled since we have been hanging out and dating more. Hmmmm. Not sure I like that at all.


I think y'all need to have a serious talk...


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I've already made him promise me 2 rounds at least. And yes, I need a few days of recovery time after him. I actually do stretches in advance! Let's just say, last time he had to ask me a couple of times if I was ok after the O's :grin2: He was seriously concerned. The boy definitely brings it!


Oh, I am jealous!!! I need to find myself a strapping young stallion.

(I am now regretting swiping left on all those 25- and 26-year-olds on Tinder...)


----------



## bkyln309

So I have a weird conversation take place between me and the Chemistry Man who I havent spoken to in a month. 

So, CM and I have not spoken. I sent him a brief email asking him for some career advice on switching industries. He has done it successfully and we were in similar industries and situations. I specifically tell him I am not interested in re-kindling our relationship or starting to talk again. So he tells me he switched jobs, has a Board Meeting and will get back to me with advice in a few days. I respond with no worries whenever you get to it. Thanks for the favor.

So I get a text from him the same night. We text briefly and before I sign off, he said I have been a terrible boyfriend. I genuinely confused because we were talking business. So I said to whom? He said to you. I then proceed to tell him you were not my boyfriend. We were casually dating. And he responds fair enough. He started to go into the whole thing and I just said Im tired and signing off. 

My question is why in the world would he say that? He knew I was dating OG. He knew we werent exclusive. He is the one who disappeared. How could he even think that?


----------



## TooNice

Healer said:


> Thanks FP. I guess what's going on is - and you're right - my standards are high and I won't settle. I'd rather be single than in a mediocre relationship. The whole "**** yes" thing really applies. Bad sex? No way - done. The thing is, I'm not desperate at all for a relationship or girlfriend. I have 2 amazing kids, and already was married (in a bad marriage).


I have a friend who is also dating, and she often talks about how "picky" I am when it comes to men. It doesn't bother me in the least. I know what I want, and more importantly, what I don't want. I settled and put my needs and desires aside for more than 20 years. Ive officially been single for all of five months. Picky? You bet. 

We've all been through our own crap. We deserve to stop settling and find what makes us truly happy.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I have a friend who is also dating, and she often talks about how "picky" I am when it comes to men. It doesn't bother me in the least. I know what I want, and more importantly, what I don't want. I settled and put my needs and desires aside for more than 20 years. Ive officially been single for all of five months. Picky? You bet.
> 
> We've all been through our own crap. We deserve to stop settling and find what makes us truly happy.


EXACTLY. I'm going to be as picky as I damn well please, because I would rather be alone than end up in an unsatisfying LTR or marriage again. I WANT a LTR, I WANT to get married again--but only if that person meets my needs, and makes me truly happy. Life is too short for anything less.


----------



## vi_bride04

SARAHMCD said:


> This happened to me too. I started "catching feelings" for him, but the sex was no longer fantastic - just good. So, if you can follow this logic, I realized I either needed to upgrade him to boyfriend or move on. I mean, you have to be either getting mind-blowing sex OR getting the emotional connection to go with good sex don't you?


Ooh the sex is still absolutely fantastic, it's just not as frequent. We have been doing a ton of domestic things together so he may just be falling into a more comfortable state. And he has had a MRSA infection so that has limited things. 

He talks long term, like making plans for next year in regards to trips/vacations and events... I don't take that stuff to heart, they are just words. Actions are what matters. So while we are getting closer emotionally I'm doing my best to not get caught up in things and just enjoy and take it one day at a time.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I think y'all need to have a serious talk...


That would mean more emotional investment and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. If things don't improve I more than likely will, we'll see.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> GG, have you read the Fvck Yes article?
> **** Yes or No


That article is sooooo right. Thanks for sharing it as I'd managed to never see it before. That shall be new dating philosophy.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Love that article. So right. Fwb was not a f*** yes. He was lukewarm. FB tonight was absolutely f*** yes for sex. Had an amazing time. 2 rounds, FIP! As promised. 2 days recovery needed after that! The boy is enthusiastic!! He'd hate to be called that. He's mid 30s and a 10 year front line military vet. Not a boy for sure but 14 years younger than me!
I will take that philosophy going forward. If I have to wonder or question about their feelings or intentions......f**** no!!
Life is too short for luke warms or maybes or insecurities.


----------



## RandomDude

You found a new toyboy pretty quick! :surprise:


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> You found a new toyboy pretty quick!


I already knew him. Just don't see him much due to our conflicting schedules. It was over a month since I saw him last.
And last night found out his company may be transferring him soon. Too bad....


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I already knew him. Just don't see him much due to our conflicting schedules. It was over a month since I saw him last.
> And last night found out his company may be transferring him soon. Too bad....


Is he being transferred somewhere that might be fun to visit? *wink wink*


----------



## SARAHMCD

Perhaps....but it means even less frequency. Oh well. H
Fingers crossed it doesn't happen.


----------



## SARAHMCD

And I agree with the problem you mentioned before. It's addictive and I'm left wanting more. But knowing it will probably be another month (I'm travelling soon). Maybe cold turkey is better? Argggg


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> And I agree with the problem you mentioned before. It's addictive and I'm left wanting more. But knowing it will probably be another month (I'm travelling soon). Maybe cold turkey is better? Argggg


Sex begets more sex, usually... with Recent Guy, it was great, so of course I wanted it again as soon as possible. Which, with him, meant 4 weeks later. I was like, seriously? This is the BEST you can do? Once every 4 weeks is not going to cut it, mister. That's essentially the definition of a sex-LESS relationship, and I went through hell to escape one of those. I said, clearly this (ie YOU) is not going to meet my needs. He promised I would have to wait 4 weeks again... well, guess what? We're coming up on four weeks, as of tomorrow. 

I am SO DONE with this ass-clown. I don't care how good the sex is. A man who makes me wait 4 weeks is no man in my book, and is not deserving of my sweet, sweet booty.


----------



## SARAHMCD

[/QUOTE]

Sex begets more sex, usually... with Recent Guy, it was great, so of course I wanted it again as soon as possible. Which, with him, meant 4 weeks later. I was like, seriously? This is the BEST you can do? Once every 4 weeks is not going to cut it, mister. That's essentially the definition of a sex-LESS relationship, and I went through hell to escape one of those. I said, clearly this (ie YOU) is not going to meet my needs. He promised I would have to wait 4 weeks again... well, guess what? We're coming up on four weeks, as of tomorrow. 

I am SO DONE with this ass-clown. I don't care how good the sex is. A man who makes me wait 4 weeks is no man in my book, and is not deserving of my sweet, sweet booty.[/QUOTE]

Exactly my problem. We live a distance a way. He works long hours and has a busy social life. Then when he does have a free night I'm often booked up and don't want to drop everything to get that one night of great sex. So it leads to once every 3 to 4 weeks. If the sex wasn't so amazing then he would be gone. Keeping him on call for now.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Exactly my problem. We live a distance a way. He works long hours and has a busy social life. Then when he does have a free night I'm often booked up and don't want to drop everything to get that one night of great sex. So it leads to once every 3 to 4 weeks. If the sex wasn't so amazing then he would be gone. Keeping him on call for now.


Recent Guy doesn't live very far away, maybe 15-20 mins max. But he works nights, so the earliest he could see me is around midnight? He knows I'm a night owl, and will take the sleep deprivation if it means good sex--I'm up way too late all the time, anyway. But whenever I suggest we get together, it's always some excuse like work was bad or he has to get up early the next day... and he doesn't suggest an alternate date/time. And THEN he decides to last-minute booty call me, rather than make plans, and expects me to be free. 

Whatever. If he booty calls me, I hate to say it, but I'll probably take him up on it, because I'm not seeing anyone else right now, and... _do I really want to turn down really good sex?_ I mean, right now, in this moment, I'm saying that I'm done with him, but when he does make that call... I'll probably be pretty easily swayed. Because I don't want to curse myself to a dry spell, and I don't really have the time to go out looking for it right now.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Recent Guy doesn't live very far away, maybe 15-20 mins max. But he works nights, so the earliest he could see me is around midnight? He knows I'm a night owl, and will take the sleep deprivation if it means good sex--I'm up way too late all the time, anyway. But whenever I suggest we get together, it's always some excuse like work was bad or he has to get up early the next day... and he doesn't suggest an alternate date/time. And THEN he decides to last-minute booty call me, rather than make plans, and expects me to be free.
> 
> Whatever. If he booty calls me, I hate to say it, but I'll probably take him up on it, because I'm not seeing anyone else right now, and... _do I really want to turn down really good sex?_ I mean, right now, in this moment, I'm saying that I'm done with him, but when he does make that call... I'll probably be pretty easily swayed. Because I don't want to curse myself to a dry spell, and I don't really have the time to go out looking for it right now.


Totally understand. This guy blows hot and cold. Texts all morning today. But I know it will be another 2 weeks before I hear from him again. If I text him he either won't respond or answer 2 days later with "sorry babe, been busy". Then another week and I'll ask when he wants to play and boom, he's all over it turning on the heat. Ready to come over NOW and do whatever I want (who doesn't like that?). 
Don't want to cut him off, just like you, because it could lead to a long dry spell. If he was a boyfriend he'd be gone. Awww, the sacrifices we make for our basic needs. 

I think women have an easier time getting a FWB or FB setup but then men seem to hold the cards after that. And I'm sure they know it. Of course, they have to realize how far they can push it as well. Like my former FWB, he's texting me this week after our chat - normally I wouldn't have heard from him for about 10 days after we last saw each other. But now he's afraid he lost a good arrangement. 

So I guess they assume since they don't need to pursue, you'll just be there when they're ready for you....until you aren't and they panic. 

The games we play....


----------



## vi_bride04

I wish the only game I had to play was euchre in this thing called life


----------



## SARAHMCD

vi_bride04 said:


> I wish the only game I had to play was euchre in this thing called life


Love euchre!!!! I wish i could play that every sat night and skip the drama.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

SARAHMCD said:


> Love euchre!!!! I wish i could play that every sat night and skip the drama.


Never played it. Is there a strip version? :wink2:


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Totally understand. This guy blows hot and cold. Texts all morning today. But I know it will be another 2 weeks before I hear from him again. If I text him he either won't respond or answer 2 days later with "sorry babe, been busy". Then another week and I'll ask when he wants to play and boom, he's all over it turning on the heat. Ready to come over NOW and do whatever I want (who doesn't like that?).
> Don't want to cut him off, just like you, because it could lead to a long dry spell. If he was a boyfriend he'd be gone. Awww, the sacrifices we make for our basic needs.
> 
> I think women have an easier time getting a FWB or FB setup but then men seem to hold the cards after that. And I'm sure they know it. Of course, they have to realize how far they can push it as well. Like my former FWB, he's texting me this week after our chat - normally I wouldn't have heard from him for about 10 days after we last saw each other. But now he's afraid he lost a good arrangement.
> 
> So I guess they assume since they don't need to pursue, you'll just be there when they're ready for you....until you aren't and they panic.
> 
> The games we play....


QFT!!!

A week ago, Recent Guy was blowing up my phone with some seriously steamy messages. And now he hasn't texted me for 6 days. If I tell him to fvck off, he'll panic, pour on the charm, and want to see me tomorrow night.


----------



## RandomDude

!!!!

Wimmen! -.-

He could be busy!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> !!!!
> 
> Wimmen! -.-
> 
> He could be busy!


Don't p!ss on my head and tell me it's raining.

It takes 15 seconds to send a text. I'm crazy busy and I still have time to send text messages.


----------



## RandomDude

We as men like to focus on one thing at a time if possible, if it's work - it's WORK! We don't work and have half our brain thinking about texting our lady friend!

So again... wimmens! -.-

Bah!


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> We as men like to focus on one thing at a time if possible, if it's work - it's WORK! We don't work and have half our brain thinking about texting our lady friend!
> 
> So again... wimmens! -.-
> 
> Bah!


I do get that to an extent. I understand I'm not his girlfriend snd do not need him to text me regularly. 
But here's an example, havent seen him in 2 weeks. Texted him on a thurs "have anytime to play this weekend?" Nothing. Sat evening comes around and I have dinner plans but free after 8. Text him again from the road. "Miss you, looking to play" (or something more graphic). Nothing. Finally I may hear from him sunday afternoon "sorry. Had some friends in town." No suggestion for another time to meet.
So why couldn't he have taken 2 mins on thurs or Friday to say "busy this weekend. How's next week look for you?"


----------



## SARAHMCD

On a different note I went to a meetup tonight. Created a cool painting. Guy hit on me and asked me out. Told him I had a boyfriend. Is that a polite way to turn someone down or just say "not interested"?
He was just not my type at all physically. And personality? A chatterbox but nothing interesting. Mostly complaining about his work injuries and workers comp problems. How he can't remember the last time he got out of his house. Also mentioned his 2 marriages. One was 6 months and the other 18 months. Both he moved across the country to be with after meeting online. Way too many red flags!
Still, I was flattered to be asked.


----------



## Lifescript

Seems to me thats too much time to respond to a text. 

With the girl I was talking to before I made the mistake of replying to quickly. Then got better. 

But seeing how they got ya wanting to hear from them ... I'll also adopt the 6 day reply technique lol


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

SARAHMCD said:


> I do get that to an extent. I understand I'm not his girlfriend snd do not need him to text me regularly.
> But here's an example, havent seen him in 2 weeks. Texted him on a thurs "have anytime to play this weekend?" Nothing. Sat evening comes around and I have dinner plans but free after 8. Text him again from the road. "Miss you, looking to play" (or something more graphic). Nothing. Finally I may hear from him sunday afternoon "sorry. Had some friends in town." No suggestion for another time to meet.
> So why couldn't he have taken 2 mins on thurs or Friday to say "busy this weekend. How's next week look for you?"


Well, this is exactly why he's FB material and not boyfriend material, or even FWB from the sounds of it. He may be great at sex, but pretty bad at consideration or communication. So if all you want him for is a FB, then you have no right to complain that he's lousy at those other things.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Yes I get it. Honestly even as I was writing it I realized my expectations were too high. Even though all I want him for is sex, I still liked when he said in the beginning "I'm up for whatever, whenever. Here to please."
that still doesn't make it right of me to assume that meant he would be on call or treat me with the attention of boyfriend. 
I'm still figuring out the social "norms" on this stuff.
My frustration is only getting sex from him once every 3-4 weeks and wondering if it's worth it. Maybe not.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Seems to me thats too much time to respond to a text.
> 
> With the girl I was talking to before I made the mistake of replying to quickly. Then got better.
> 
> But seeing how they got ya wanting to hear from them ... I'll also adopt the 6 day reply technique lol


No....don't do that!!!!! If he was potential ltr I wou l d have walked.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

SARAHMCD said:


> Yes I get it. Honestly even as I was writing it I realized my expectations were too high. Even though all I want him for is sex, I still liked when he said in the beginning "I'm up for whatever, whenever. Here to please."
> that still doesn't make it right of me to assume that meant he would be on call or treat me with the attention of boyfriend.
> I'm still figuring out the social "norms" on this stuff.
> My frustration is only getting sex from him once every 3-4 weeks and wondering if it's worth it. Maybe not.


Just find a few more and keep them on a rotation!


----------



## RandomDude

SARAHMCD said:


> On a different note I went to a meetup tonight. Created a cool painting. Guy hit on me and asked me out. Told him I had a boyfriend. Is that a polite way to turn someone down or just say "not interested"?
> He was just not my type at all physically. And personality? A chatterbox but nothing interesting. Mostly complaining about his work injuries and workers comp problems. How he can't remember the last time he got out of his house. Also mentioned his 2 marriages. One was 6 months and the other 18 months. Both he moved across the country to be with after meeting online. Way too many red flags!
> Still, I was flattered to be asked.


Lol that's cute!

Anyway either way he'll get the hint, whether you say "I have a bf" or "I'm not interested". 

Personally I just go "you're not my type" or "I see you as a friend" or some other excuse. But hey, anything is better than leading folks on so it's all good in me book



Lifescript said:


> Seems to me thats too much time to respond to a text.
> 
> With the girl I was talking to before I made the mistake of replying to quickly. Then got better.
> 
> But seeing how they got ya wanting to hear from them ... I'll also adopt the 6 day reply technique lol


Ack, too many texts would annoy me, as I would have delete them all to make room! And stupid phone forces me to delete one by one, since I don't want to delete EVERYTHING - I get alot of important texts. There needs to be "delete messages by sender" option, still can't believe we have smartphones but still don't have a freakin "delete messages by sender" option.

Hell come to think of it is there an app for this? Bah!


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Lol that's cute!
> 
> Anyway either way he'll get the hint, whether you say "I have a bf" or "I'm not interested".
> 
> Personally I just go "you're not my type" or "I see you as a friend" or some other excuse. But hey, anything is better than leading folks on so it's all good in me book


Since I just met him that night and it wasn't an online date - it was a social group function, I couldn't really go with "I just see you as a friend". If it was an online date, I would have gone with "I'm just not feeling the chemistry."

[/QUOTE]Ack, too many texts would annoy me, as I would have delete them all to make room! And stupid phone forces me to delete one by one, since I don't want to delete EVERYTHING - I get alot of important texts. There needs to be "delete messages by sender" option, still can't believe we have smartphones but still don't have a freakin "delete messages by sender" option.

Hell come to think of it is there an app for this? Bah![/QUOTE]

Can't you just go into that sender and delete all from them? Mine does it. 
And by the way, when I'm texting this guy in particular, I'm not blowing up his phone. I'll go 10 days to 2 weeks, maybe more, then send him one. Then 3 days later, send him one more. If he goes 3 messages with no replies, he's done. He hasn't so far....gets the 3rd one and replies. Believe me, I don't get Level 5 on the guy - or any guy!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Just find a few more and keep them on a rotation!


Well, I had two for a little while....but I made things weird with original FWB. I know, RD, you warned me! So not sure how to progress there - if I can, or if its worth it. We've still been in touch, so I think we're good. It might just need some time. We'll see. 

Don't want anymore. Too risky as it is. Not that I don't play safe. But you know....


----------



## Lifescript

Random thoughts kept me up a big chunk of time last night. I was thinking about how fast I started getting emotionally attached and I guess falling for the girl I last went out with. She texted me yesterday: "hi. It's been a while. How you been?" 

I didn't reply. 

I'm definitely the kind of guy that goes all in when involved with someone. I don't like this part of me as it leaves me vulnerable and have mostly ended up in heartbreak for me. But if I'm to be with someone and invest/love half way out of fear of being disappointed then seems like I've let bad experiences win and change me. I need to find the middle ground.

I have a friend who seems to be in the right balance. I've never seen him get heartbroken and the women he's been with always were kind of more into him than him in them. He says he doesn't tell them he loves them or many phrases like that even when he's felt it. One should be able to express what one feels? Right? Anyways ... it has worked for him. He's happy being single. I don't want to be single a long time. Eventually I want to be with someone and settle down again.


----------



## bkyln309

Chemistry Man came back and said he just wants to be FBs (after disappearing for weeks). At least its no longer hiding under the dating bucket. Im just not sure now. I have OG and he is really sweet to me though we have never had the talk about exclusivity. OG and I have great sex. But OG and I are not seeing each other much in August due to both our travel schedules. But it just doesnt feel right to do that to OG. 

CM says you are overthinking it. Just enjoy me. But IDK.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Random thoughts kept me up a big chunk of time last night. I was thinking about how fast I started getting emotionally attached and I guess falling for the girl I last went out with. She texted me yesterday: "hi. It's been a while. How you been?"
> 
> I didn't reply.
> 
> I'm definitely the kind of guy that goes all in when involved with someone. I don't like this part of me as it leaves me vulnerable and have mostly ended up in heartbreak for me. But if I'm to be with someone and invest/love half way out of fear of being disappointed then seems like I've let bad experiences win and change me. I need to find the middle ground.
> 
> I have a friend who seems to be in the right balance. I've never seen him get heartbroken and the women he's been with always were kind of more into him than him in them. He says he doesn't tell them he loves them or many phrases like that even when he's felt it. One should be able to express what one feels? Right? Anyways ... it has worked for him. He's happy being single. I don't want to be single a long time. Eventually I want to be with someone and settle down again.


You have to be yourself. You can't become this other guy and have rules about not telling someone he loves them even if he feels it. 
That said, you can't jump into serious feelings for someone too soon. Often this means you're "falling for" the fantasy of them, not the real person, flaws and all . The fantasy will almost always lead to hurt or disappointment. If you push to hard, the woman senses it and thinks exactly this...that you don't love her, just the fantasy of who you think she is. And she'll run. 

Just be good with being alone for awhile. Then when you meet her, you will make her a part of your life, not your whole life.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Random thoughts kept me up a big chunk of time last night. I was thinking about how fast I started getting emotionally attached and I guess falling for the girl I last went out with. She texted me yesterday: "hi. It's been a while. How you been?"
> 
> I didn't reply.
> 
> I'm definitely the kind of guy that goes all in when involved with someone. I don't like this part of me as it leaves me vulnerable and have mostly ended up in heartbreak for me. But if I'm to be with someone and invest/love half way out of fear of being disappointed then seems like I've let bad experiences win and change me. I need to find the middle ground.
> 
> I have a friend who seems to be in the right balance. I've never seen him get heartbroken and the women he's been with always were kind of more into him than him in them. He says he doesn't tell them he loves them or many phrases like that even when he's felt it. One should be able to express what one feels? Right? Anyways ... it has worked for him. He's happy being single. I don't want to be single a long time. Eventually I want to be with someone and settle down again.


To this I say, people like your friend are a dime a dozen. Most women are looking for a man that is into them. What you are is rare, a find, a catch. Dont play the game. Be true to yourself. Any good woman would be lucky to have you.

If you want great love, you must risk something. If you want to play it safe, you will get middle of the road relationships and stay single like your friend. You want a relationship. Go after it.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Chemistry Man came back and said he just wants to be FBs (after disappearing for weeks). At least its no longer hiding under the dating bucket. Im just not sure now. I have OG and he is really sweet to me though we have never had the talk about exclusivity. OG and I have great sex. But OG and I are not seeing each other much in August due to both our travel schedules. But it just doesnt feel right to do that to OG.
> 
> CM says you are overthinking it. Just enjoy me. But IDK.


Don't do this. Follow your gut that says it's not right.


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> You have to be yourself. You can't become this other guy and have rules about not telling someone he loves them even if he feels it.
> That said, you can't jump into serious feelings for someone too soon. Often this means you're "falling for" the fantasy of them, not the real person, flaws and all . The fantasy will almost always lead to hurt or disappointment. If you push to hard, the woman senses it and thinks exactly this...that you don't love her, just the fantasy of who you think she is. And she'll run.
> 
> Just be good with being alone for awhile. Then when you meet her, you will make her a part of your life, not your whole life.


I like this. Thanks Sarah. 

I never told her I loved her or anything like that. But I did show more interest I feel. Aside from a text saying she felt sad and miss me after I told her to not contact me if she was getting back with her ex ... There was no show of emotions from her. She did invite me out a lot so to me that was a sign she was into me.


----------



## SARAHMCD

[/B]


Lifescript said:


> Don't do this. Follow your gut that says it's not right.


Agreed. This isn't what you wanted, as I recall. You were hoping to start an actual relationship with this guy right? Now he's telling you he's offering you nothing - no exclusivity, just occasional friendship and sex. Do you really want to give up OG for this?


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Don't do this. Follow your gut that says it's not right.





Lifescript said:


> I like this. Thanks Sarah.
> 
> I never told her I loved her or anything like that. But I did show more interest I feel. Aside from a text saying she felt sad and miss me after I told her to not contact me if she was getting back with her ex ... There was no show of emotions from her. She did invite me out a lot so to me that was a sign she was into me.


She was "into you" as a fall back guy. In case things with her ex don't work out. I'm sure she liked the attention you were giving her. But she's not available to you to start a relationship, which is, I think, what you want. Even if next week she comes back and says she's done with her ex, its still too way too soon. You really have to forget about her and move on.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> To this I say, people like your friend are a dime a dozen. Most women are looking for a man that is into them. What you are is rare, a find, a catch. Dont play the game. Be true to yourself. Any good woman would be lucky to have you.
> 
> If you want great love, you must risk something. If you want to play it safe, you will get middle of the road relationships and stay single like your friend. You want a relationship. Go after it.


Thanks bklyn. 

I won't give up. I'll be my best self and keep myself open, take those risks.


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> She was "into you" as a fall back guy. In case things with her ex don't work out. I'm sure she liked the attention you were giving her. But she's not available to you to start a relationship, which is, I think, what you want. Even if next week she comes back and says she's done with her ex, its still too way too soon. You really have to forget about her and move on.


You are right. 

In a way I feel like she used me. I have no complaints. We had our fun but just seems like this was a rebound for her. She told me she found emails her ex sent a coworker that pointed to an affair. I wonder if she used me to get back at him while they were on a break. 

Anyways ... moving on. 

I seem to find women who are not emotionally available to me. I want to break this trend.


----------



## bkyln309

SARAHMCD said:


> [/B]
> 
> Agreed. This isn't what you wanted, as I recall. You were hoping to start an actual relationship with this guy right? Now he's telling you he's offering you nothing - no exclusivity, just occasional friendship and sex. Do you really want to give up OG for this?


Yes, I wanted more from him. He always said he wanted to date me. But now he is straight out lets just have fun. 

No, I dont want to lose OG for him despite not knowing where my relationship with OG is going.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> You are right.
> 
> In a way I feel like she used me. I have no complaints. We had our fun but just seems like this was a rebound for her. She told me she found emails her ex sent a coworker that pointed to an affair. I wonder if she used me to get back at him while they were on a break.
> 
> Anyways ... moving on.
> 
> I seem to find women who are not emotionally available to me. I want to break this trend.


I think we subconsciously look for what we are ready for. In other words, perhaps *you* weren't emotionally available - or were afraid to be. So in some way, you sought that out. 
I know that's true for myself right now. I honestly think a guy being really "into me" would freak me out at the moment. Wow - I just realized that!!:frown2:


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> I think we subconsciously look for what we are ready for. In other words, perhaps *you* weren't emotionally available - or were afraid to be. So in some way, you sought that out.
> I know that's true for myself right now. I honestly think a guy being really "into me" would freak me out at the moment. Wow - I just realized that!!:frown2:


I know that subconsciously we do this at time. But I feel like I was ready and I'm ready for someone who's really invested in me. After 2 years of being separated and now waiting to be divorced I'm over my ex. It took a while but it's done. 

I've been thinking of going on an online dating site but the fact I'm still not divorced makes me rethink that.


----------



## RandomDude

Grrr, I have to be more careful about dating within my circles, bloody saw poker face last night. She let it out that she was quite insulted that "I think" she's racist. Pffft! I berated my mate for telling her, we left it on a much more polite note if he didn't run his fking mouth.

I apologise for nothing nor did I ask for her an apology. We're two different people and perspectives. Don't know why she bothered, I'm not going around saying "oh hey, she's racist", with my mate sure, but what the fk she expects? He hooked us up and was curious.

Bah! "White guilt" has made many Westerners even worse sometimes come to think of it, forces racial awareness instead of the colorblindness that has always been encouraged by my culture. Why is it that she reckons she can change my mind? Using token races isn't going to cut it, pffft! She already proved herself to me.

Now she reckons I'M racist just because I don't accept her argument. Think I have to stop hanging out with my mate if she's going to be there. If only she was male I can beat him down to a pulp. I despise people like her.


----------



## moxy

SARAHMCD said:


> It is definitely not an easy relationship to maintain.



Candy tastes good, but you can't live on it. I don't think that kind of setup is meant to be maintained for a long time, really. It's easy to have a FWB, but those relationships have little depth and they run out of flavor and ability to satisfy, after a while. I suppose that most dating relationships do, unless they lead to lasting loves, but that is quicker with a FWB relationship because in order to sustain it, one cannot deepen either aspect -- friendship or sexual relationship -- too much. It sucks when a good thing ends, but I suppose that all things do end.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> SARAHMCD said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think we subconsciously look for what we are ready for. In other words, perhaps *you* weren't emotionally available - or were afraid to be. So in some way, you sought that out.
> I know that's true for myself right now. I honestly think a guy being really "into me" would freak me out at the moment. Wow - I just realized that!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I know that subconsciously we do this at time. But I feel like I was ready and I'm ready for someone who's really invested in me. After 2 years of being separated and now waiting to be divorced I'm over my ex. It took a while but it's done.
> 
> I've been thinking of going on an online dating site but the fact I'm still not divorced makes me rethink that.
Click to expand...

I think you can still try OLD if you want. You're separated 2 years. Just explain this in initial emails. Yes, it might make some women hesitate but I would probably overlook it if I didn't see any other red flags. For example, how and even if you talk about your ex (bitterly or excessively). 
But just get out there as the other poster said. Good words of advice for me too. I'm an introvert so going to big meetup mixers is way too intimidating. All that standing around small talk. But ones with events I'll do: cards, kayaking, paddleboarding, creative writing, art. Even if I don't meet someone I'm still enjoying what I'm doing or picking up a new hobby or just expanding my social circle.


----------



## RandomDude

The problem with smaller meetups is that the pool of potential friends/dates are more limited

Still remember when I went on tons of meetups after seperation, in the end I was chatting up women outside of my little group! To the point I gave up on the whole thing and started just randomly approaching and getting numbers anywhere from trains to shopping malls to even just the street.

They are fun though depending on the group.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Anyone do anything fun this weekend? Pouring rain in my city (unusual). So indoor events mainly. Planning on a long session at the gym tomorrow. 
Getting ready for a long road trip to Toronto mid-week. Can't wait!


----------



## FeministInPink

I'm trying to get a start on sorting for packing and my moving sale. Hoping a new place works out in the next couple days.


----------



## RandomDude

Wow folks, I saw this pic randomly look for a wallpaper once:










Never thought it was a video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABNFp7_wup4


----------



## 06Daddio08

Anyone else give an epic eye roll when they read an online profile that starts off with "make me smile" or "must be "spontaneous"? Sh!t makes me exhausted just reading it. Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

06Daddio08 said:


> Anyone else give an epic eye roll when they read an online profile that starts off with "make me smile" or "must be "spontaneous"? Sh!t makes me exhausted just reading it. Lol.


Oy, I know--it's so cliche.

But at the same time... as a woman, I DO want someone who makes me smile, and I also want someone who can be spontaneous (or even if it's thought out ahead of time, it appears spontaneous to ME), or who will encourage me to try new things outside of my comfort zone.


----------



## Lifescript

Went on a date on Saturday. Date went ok. This is someone I met at a pool party. She was playing hard to get at first but I told her she was afraid of being alone with me and got her to say yes that way. She wanted to prove she is not afraid lol. 

Anyways ... we have many things in common and she seems very nice. There was a weird moment that could have gotten weirder but I played it cool. During the date I touched her hand and said she has small hands. I wanted to break the touch barrier. Nothing crazy. Half an hr later or so I touched her earrings and said red looks nice on her. She said she prefer I don't touch her because if she lets me then I'll just keep going and wany to touch her in other place. 

Ladies? Did I cross a line here. I thought the touch was pretty innocent.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> Went on a date on Saturday. Date went ok. This is someone I met at a pool party. She was playing hard to get at first but I told her she was afraid of being alone with me and got her to say yes that way. She wanted to prove she is not afraid lol.
> 
> Anyways ... we have many things in common and she seems very nice. There was a weird moment that could have gotten weirder but I played it cool. During the date I touched her hand and said she has small hands. I wanted to break the touch barrier. Nothing crazy. Half an hr later or so I touched her earrings and said red looks nice on her. She said she prefer I don't touch her because if she lets me then I'll just keep going and wany to touch her in other place.
> 
> Ladies? Did I cross a line here. I thought the touch was pretty innocent.


I think it really depends on the woman. Some people enjoy and accept innocent touching easily, others find it an invasion of their space. Did she seem uncomfortable when you first touched her hand(s)? If so, don't go for the earrings. Just say they are nice, without touching. How early in the date did you do this and what was the chemistry like - ie. were you both laughing, relaxed? Was she touching you back after you touched her hand? A light touch to your arm or shoulder? I'm assuming not. 

It may also depend on where you are - does she feel safe? In other words, if you're sitting in a crowded restaurant versus walking her to her car in an empty parking lot. 

Obviously from what she said, you crossed a line for her comfort level.


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> I think it really depends on the woman. Some people enjoy and accept innocent touching easily, others find it an invasion of their space. Did she seem uncomfortable when you first touched her hand(s)? If so, don't go for the earrings. Just say they are nice, without touching. How early in the date did you do this and what was the chemistry like - ie. were you both laughing, relaxed? Was she touching you back after you touched her hand? A light touch to your arm or shoulder? I'm assuming not.
> 
> It may also depend on where you are - does she feel safe? In other words, if you're sitting in a crowded restaurant versus walking her to her car in an empty parking lot.
> 
> Obviously from what she said, you crossed a line for her comfort level.


No touching from her. We were in a nice restaurant with lots of people there. I touched her hands like 20 mins into the date after she was laughing because of something funny I said. 

I guess for her it easy an invasion of privacy. I don't really mind it cos it says she doesn't let guys touch her that soon. She didn't touch me ... nope.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> No touching from her. We were in a nice restaurant with lots of people there. I touched her hands like 20 mins into the date after she was laughing because of something funny I said.
> 
> I guess for her it easy an invasion of privacy. I don't really mind it cos it says she doesn't let guys touch her that soon. She didn't touch me ... nope.


It might just have been too soon for her. Again, watch for reactions. If she was uncomfortable- pulled away quickly from your hand touch, then ease off. Wait for her to "make the next move". Watch for the typical "I'm into you" signs from a woman - playing with her hair, touching her own neck or playing with jewelry, smoothing her clothes (ie. preening), hair toss, touching you playfully. 

How did the date end? Are you going out again?


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I think it really depends on the woman. Some people enjoy and accept innocent touching easily, others find it an invasion of their space. Did she seem uncomfortable when you first touched her hand(s)? If so, don't go for the earrings. Just say they are nice, without touching. How early in the date did you do this and what was the chemistry like - ie. were you both laughing, relaxed? Was she touching you back after you touched her hand? A light touch to your arm or shoulder? I'm assuming not.
> 
> It may also depend on where you are - does she feel safe? In other words, if you're sitting in a crowded restaurant versus walking her to her car in an empty parking lot.
> 
> Obviously from what she said, you crossed a line for her comfort level.


I agree, sort of. It depends on two things: 1) the woman, and 2) how much said woman is into you. Some people are weird about touching, it's true. I do NOT like people touching me, or people in my personal space--but if I'm into a guy, I will let him into my personal space.

She might not have been playing hard to get at the party. She might not have really been into it, but when you challenged her, she accepted the date just to prove you wrong. Not a good way to start out, IMHO. (You said yourself, you "got her to say yes." You shouldn't have to egg on a woman to get her to go out with you.)

I think she decided to go out with you to give you a chance, but she wasn't really feeling it. Maybe she's on the fence. To me, it sounds like she's intentionally keeping you distant because she's not really into it, or she's playing games.


----------



## Lifescript

I think FIP is right. 

I didn't get that feeling of attraction from her I was getting from the other woman I dated. 

I told her at the end of the night that I had a fun time. She said "you are just saying that to he nice". I wonder if shes insecure. 

Next day she texted saying thanks for the night and that she had a good time. I told her I did as well and wish her luck on some event she had going Sunday during the day. She didn't reply to that last text and we haven't texted since. 

Don't see much attraction coming from her so I don't think I'll go out again unless she texts me saying she wants to go out.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I think FIP is right.
> 
> I didn't get that feeling of attraction from her I was getting from the other woman I dated.
> 
> I told her at the end of the night that I had a fun time. She said "you are just saying that to he nice". I wonder if shes insecure.
> 
> Next day she texted saying thanks for the night and that she had a good time. I told her I did as well and wish her luck on some event she had going Sunday during the day. She didn't reply to that last text and we haven't texted since.
> 
> Don't see much attraction coming from her so I don't think I'll go out again unless she texts me saying she wants to go out.


Don't worry about her motives, or if she is attracted to you or not, not at this stage. Did YOU have fun? Do YOU want to see her again?

If the answer is YES, then ask her out again. Don't play a stupid game and wait to see if she texts you in order to gauge her interest. If you WANT to see her again, ask her out again. Either she says yes, or she says no.

Stop putting so much thought into it


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Don't worry about her motives, or if she is attracted to you or not, not at this stage. Did YOU have fun? Do YOU want to see her again?
> 
> If the answer is YES, then ask her out again. Don't play a stupid game and wait to see if she texts you in order to gauge her interest. If you WANT to see her again, ask her out again. Either she says yes, or she says no.
> 
> Stop putting so much thought into it


Usually if I text a guy the next day to thank him for a good time, it means I'm interested. Its an open door for him to ask me out again. If I was truly not interested, I wouldn't send him a text. IDK if that's just me. 

But I agree with FIP, if you're into her, ask her. There's nothing really to lose is there? Some of her actions could just be insecurities or nervousness. I forget her history, is she recently out of a relationship?


----------



## Lifescript

I did have a good time. 

We both like to read and write. She's a fun girl. Ok. I'll ask her out again. 

She said last serious relationship she was in was 4 years ago. She says she has gone out with men but nothing serious and that she likes her independence. To my surprise she said not many guys ask her out. She's cute. Not sure why that is.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I did have a good time.
> 
> We both like to read and write. She's a fun girl. Ok. I'll ask her out again.
> 
> She said last serious relationship she was in was 4 years ago. She says she has gone out with men but nothing serious and that she likes her independence. To my surprise she said not many guys ask her out. She's cute. Not sure why that is.


LS, every pretty girl will tell you this, and it's completely true. I think it's because so many men assume anyone they find attractive must be fighting guys off with a stick and being pursued all the time, and so they don't even _try_ and ask.

I had a similar exchange with a guy... he made a comment about how guys must try to pick me up in bars all the time, and I said no, that doesn't really happen. He responded, I don't get it. You're smart, funny, gorgeous... what don't guys get about you? I just shrugged and said, I don't know. (Because I really DON'T KNOW. Just getting a first date in this city seems impossible.) He couldn't believe it.

And then the fvcker never asked me out.

If you liked her, ask her out again. She may just be slow to warm up.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> And then the fvcker never asked me out.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

You crack me up!! Needed that laugh today, so thank you. 

And this is so true. Have heard this from guys since I can remember. You must have men lined up, beating them off with a stick, etc. etc. Nope. Hardly dated in my 20s when I was single. And when I did it was with guys I knew through work or friends. Never picked up from a bar....although I think I gave off bad vibes in that environment. I just was never into drunk guys spilling their drinks on me, screaming over the music, and then asking for my number. 

And LS, this is true. If she isn't OLD, or into the bar scene, she may be limited in her exposure to available men. I have girlfriends who are attractive, smart, earn a great living, fun to talk to, but single for years.


----------



## Lifescript

I believe her when she says she doesn't go on dates. She says people get the impression that she's not friendly when they first see her. I didn't see that. Had already downed enough Sam adams at the party to double think it or have doubts. I just went in and we started talking.


----------



## RandomDude

Most pretty girls are being pursued from my experience, you get the ones like yourself FIP, where your prettiness intimidates most men! 

But it's not that common.


----------



## 06Daddio08

FeministInPink said:


> Oy, I know--it's so cliche.
> 
> But at the same time... as a woman, I DO want someone who makes me smile, and I also want someone who can be spontaneous (or even if it's thought out ahead of time, it appears spontaneous to ME), or who will encourage me to try new things outside of my comfort zone.


As a single father, the last thing that I want to read is a profile that states various things that I "need" to be doing. Haha.

To each their own, I'll just shake my head in front of the computer screen.


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> (Because I really DON'T KNOW. Just getting a first date in this city seems impossible.)


In DC? The town teeming with masters of the universe who think all women are thunderstruck when talking to them?


----------



## moco82

SARAHMCD said:


> Getting ready for a long road trip to Toronto mid-week.


One of my favourite cities. Long nights toiling on Bay St.


----------



## Healer

Lifescript said:


> I think FIP is right.
> 
> I didn't get that feeling of attraction from her I was getting from the other woman I dated.
> 
> I told her at the end of the night that I had a fun time. She said "you are just saying that to he nice". I wonder if shes insecure.
> 
> Next day she texted saying thanks for the night and that she had a good time. I told her I did as well and wish her luck on some event she had going Sunday during the day. She didn't reply to that last text and we haven't texted since.
> 
> Don't see much attraction coming from her so I don't think I'll go out again unless she texts me saying she wants to go out.


Alert, ALERT!!! I can't stand that type of insecurity. You end up arguing with the woman that she's worthy, or sexy, or doesn't have man hands or whatever. It's exhausting and a HUGE red flag. Insecurity is a huge turn off and a sign of big trouble to come.


----------



## RandomDude

Or she could be just fishing for compliments that she be pretty!

Or it could be she's deliberately showing you her worst as she's not really interested, judging by what you said in regards to not much attraction coming from her.

Come to think of it, it seems likely. Might want to take your eggs out of this basket just in case, but dont give up on it yet.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Been dating a new girl that I met after Stage 5 girl showed her hand. We are clicking really well on all of the important things (values, direction, parenting) and have some neat differences in food and music likes.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Healer said:


> Alert, ALERT!!! I can't stand that type of insecurity. You end up arguing with the woman that she's worthy, or sexy, or doesn't have man hands or whatever. It's exhausting and a HUGE red flag. Insecurity is a huge turn off and a sign of big trouble to come.


If he has nothing 'invested' but the early stages of time, it's worth feeling out on another date or so. Script did say he had a good time and she did follow up the next day.

Clearly if she keeps up the "no one likes me" vibe after a while and with Script not enabling it, it's farewell. At the same time, he hasn't had much experience in dating or getting to know women so there really is no harm in it.

At least this one doesn't have another guy on the hook (well, at least as far as Script knows ... haha).


----------



## FeministInPink

moco82 said:


> In DC? The town teeming with masters of the universe who think all women are thunderstruck when talking to them?


Hmm. Maybe it's because I have a "No A$$holes" rule.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Most pretty girls are being pursued from my experience, you get the ones like yourself FIP, *where your prettiness intimidates most men! *
> 
> But it's not that common.


That MUST be it. I am TOO pretty and TOO smart.

And my entire life, I just thought that I was ugly, or something else deems me defective


----------



## hope4family

Was talking to my sister the other day. Asking for ideas of what to do with one of my female friends. She insists my female friend "likes me". 

We (female friend & I) see each other usually 1-2x a month one on one, and probably 3-4x a month because we both go dancing. My sister insists she likes me. I did ask her out a long time ago, she didn't say no, but I told her silence is still a no. She asked if we could be friends. I said, sure. My words to her was, "I asked her out, not for her hand in marriage." When she asked why her, I said, "I enjoy your company you always seem to say / do the right thing. Makes me wonder if we could be romantic." 

This was back in November or something. We did have one night (months ago now) where we cuddled on a couch, we never spoke of it. Sometimes we make incidental contact and she pulls away. Like when we sit on a couch, her foot lands on top of mine, then promptly moves. Body language doesn't seem like "she digs me." 

I guess my question is. Does she like me, or is this just friends? My sisters thought was that if we were just friends we wouldn't be hanging out this much 1 on 1. I can't say I disagree with my sisters line of thinking, the way I see it, I asked her out, she said no. To me, if she changes her mind, she has to say it. I am not revisiting it. 

Would I date her now? Sure. She passes a good majority in what I want in a woman. So I would be interesting if we could walk a similar path for a while. From a friendship standpoint though, she meets that need. I grew up around women. (6 including my mom) So in that regard. I kinda see her as family and just leave it at that.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> That MUST be it. I am TOO pretty and TOO smart.
> 
> And my entire life, I just thought that I was ugly, or something else deems me defective


On the topic of beautiful women. 

I grew up around very beautiful women. They do not intimidate me, but they also at times do not attract me either. I am working on that. 

A caveat to me not approaching them as much. Is that I am shy even though people say I am not. (My tank is full and I feel safe around them though.) 

In my mind though, beauty comes in such a wide variety. It comes down to my emotional tank.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> Was talking to my sister the other day. Asking for ideas of what to do with one of my female friends. She insists my female friend "likes me".
> 
> We (female friend & I) see each other usually 1-2x a month one on one, and probably 3-4x a month because we both go dancing. My sister insists she likes me. I did ask her out a long time ago, she didn't say no, but I told her silence is still a no. She asked if we could be friends. I said, sure. My words to her was, "I asked her out, not for her hand in marriage." When she asked why her, I said, "I enjoy your company you always seem to say / do the right thing. Makes me wonder if we could be romantic."
> 
> This was back in November or something. We did have one night (months ago now) where we cuddled on a couch, we never spoke of it. Sometimes we make incidental contact and she pulls away. Like when we sit on a couch, her foot lands on top of mine, then promptly moves. Body language doesn't seem like "she digs me."
> 
> I guess my question is. Does she like me, or is this just friends? My sisters thought was that if we were just friends we wouldn't be hanging out this much 1 on 1. I can't say I disagree with my sisters line of thinking, the way I see it, I asked her out, she said no. To me, if she changes her mind, she has to say it. I am not revisiting it.
> 
> Would I date her now? Sure. She passes a good majority in what I want in a woman. So I would be interesting if we could walk a similar path for a while. From a friendship standpoint though, she meets that need. I grew up around women. (6 including my mom) So in that regard. I kinda see her as family and just leave it at that.


Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't--but I'm leaning towards no. The abruptly pulling away when you accidentally touch? She knows you dig her, or thinks that you still do, since you previously asked her out; she's pulling away because she doesn't want you to think her feelings have changed. If nothing happened after cuddlefest, I don't think it will happen now.

One of my best friends is a guy. We hang out one-on-one together. In the last year, we've taken two trips to NYC together. Mutual friends automatically invite us as a couple, even though we're not together, and all our friends know it's platonic. And that's all it's ever going to be. It's unusual, but it DOES happen--platonic one-on-one.



hope4family said:


> On the topic of beautiful women.
> 
> I grew up around very beautiful women. They do not intimidate me, but they also at times do not attract me either. I am working on that.
> 
> A caveat to me not approaching them as much. Is that I am shy even though people say I am not. (My tank is full and I feel safe around them though.)
> 
> In my mind though, beauty comes in such a wide variety. It comes down to my emotional tank.


Hey, you're attracted to what you're attracted to. No shame in that, friend.

I'm not shy, either, by any stretch of the imagination... but I would rather dig a whole in cement and hide than approach a hot guy. My brain ceases functioning, I can't speak, and my feet are glue to the floor.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, you guys! I think I might be a b!tch. (Ok, not really, but maybe.) My previous post brought to mind this thing that happened when I went out to karaoke last week.

So, I went out after play rehearsal on the spur of the moment to hit one of my regular karaoke--I've been MIA since rehearsals started a little while ago. So, my friends Rodney and Alicia are there, and Rodney is really excited because he hasn't seen me in FOREVER and he has this song that he wants to sing for me, because he thinks I'll find it funny. So my friend Rodney is singing this song, and I'm watching the words on the screen, because I want to catch what's going on in the song. And this guy comes up between me and Alicia, and I assume that he knows Alicia, because she seems to know everybody in the place, and I only know a few people. After a few beats, he mumbles something, and I realize he's talking to me, so I say, "Sorry, didn't hear you, what was that?" And he leans in and says, "How are you?" I smile, because I'm a smiley kind of gal, and I say, "Oh, I'm fine, thanks," and I turn back to continue watching Rodney do his song. The guy stands there for a little longer, and then walks off.

It didn't occur to me until I was driving home that he was trying to approach me and talk to me! Whoops, totally missed that one! But then again, he was the one that bungled it, so... and if I had through he was cute, I would have engaged him right back. He really didn't try very hard, though just that little bit that he did might have been really hard for him, and I blew him off!


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> So, you guys! I think I might be a b!tch. (Ok, not really, but maybe.) My previous post brought to mind this thing that happened when I went out to karaoke last week.
> 
> So, I went out after play rehearsal on the spur of the moment to hit one of my regular karaoke--I've been MIA since rehearsals started a little while ago. So, my friends Rodney and Alicia are there, and Rodney is really excited because he hasn't seen me in FOREVER and he has this song that he wants to sing for me, because he thinks I'll find it funny. So my friend Rodney is singing this song, and I'm watching the words on the screen, because I want to catch what's going on in the song. And this guy comes up between me and Alicia, and I assume that he knows Alicia, because she seems to know everybody in the place, and I only know a few people. After a few beats, he mumbles something, and I realize he's talking to me, so I say, "Sorry, didn't hear you, what was that?" And he leans in and says, "How are you?" I smile, because I'm a smiley kind of gal, and I say, "Oh, I'm fine, thanks," and I turn back to continue watching Rodney do his song. The guy stands there for a little longer, and then walks off.
> 
> It didn't occur to me until I was driving home that he was trying to approach me and talk to me! Whoops, totally missed that one! But then again, he was the one that bungled it, so... and if I had through he was cute, I would have engaged him right back. He really didn't try very hard, though just that little bit that he did might have been really hard for him, and I blew him off!


lol you did blow him off. 

Does that make you a scank? Naw. He should get over it and move on. 

One thing I will say. I am always frustrated when a guy is like "well I did abc with a girl recently and it didn't work out so I am taking a break." 

I usually respond with "unless you are hitting the gym you need to keep going and not give up after one try." 

Sometimes I wish there was more women in my life to cast the net out and that I didn't struggle with a near always empty emotional tank. Deep down, I love the thrill of approaching someone. I just need the energy otherwise I recluse unless I am around friends. Even so, I may be quiet around them. Idk...

The only critique I have of you is that you "could" have asked to wait till your friend is done. But, you are by no means obligated too lol. Just remember, you are approached by men. Lol.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't--but I'm leaning towards no.


Me too. 

I often pull away as well. So I am guilty of it. If things are going to get mushy. It's going to be because it just happened, or because she comes out with it. 

I see no reason in changing the boundary on my side. I enjoy her friendship. Hopefully someday I will be able to get out of the house more and find a new partner for life. This single Father stuff and finding a lady that is actually decent is hard.


----------



## tripad

Lifescript said:


> I think FIP is right.
> 
> I didn't get that feeling of attraction from her I was getting from the other woman I dated.
> 
> I told her at the end of the night that I had a fun time. She said "you are just saying that to he nice". I wonder if shes insecure.
> 
> Next day she texted saying thanks for the night and that she had a good time. I told her I did as well and wish her luck on some event she had going Sunday during the day. She didn't reply to that last text and we haven't texted since.
> 
> Don't see much attraction coming from her so I don't think I'll go out again unless she texts me saying she wants to go out.


If she's young may be she's playing hard to get .

If she's older , maybe she's just careful .

I would have said or thought the same things and not said it ( about you saying it's a nice evening as a cliché ) 

I may not reply to that sunday event text as i see it as a good luck wish n nothing to reply abt as i may have shifted focus to the event if it's an important event or i may text thanks . 

I think u should give another call if you are keen and then if she's keen the third date is her call .


----------



## tripad

hope4family said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't--but I'm leaning towards no.
> 
> 
> 
> Me too.
> 
> I often pull away as well. So I am guilty of it. If things are going to get mushy. It's going to be because it just happened, or because she comes out with it.
> 
> I see no reason in changing the boundary on my side. I enjoy her friendship. Hopefully someday I will be able to get out of the house more and find a new partner for life. This single Father stuff and finding a lady that is actually decent is hard.
Click to expand...

Nothing wrong with pulling away. Just being reserved or not ready . Imo .

Single parent n looking for decent spouse is hard . Not time to go looking . Workibg hard .


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> lol you did blow him off.
> 
> Does that make you a scank? Naw. He should get over it and move on.
> 
> One thing I will say. I am always frustrated when a guy is like "well I did abc with a girl recently and it didn't work out so I am taking a break."
> 
> I usually respond with "unless you are hitting the gym you need to keep going and not give up after one try."
> 
> Sometimes I wish there was more women in my life to cast the net out and that I didn't struggle with a near always empty emotional tank. Deep down, I love the thrill of approaching someone. I just need the energy otherwise I recluse unless I am around friends. Even so, I may be quiet around them. Idk...
> 
> The only critique I have of you is that you "could" have asked to wait till your friend is done. But, you are by no means obligated too lol. Just remember, you are approached by men. Lol.


In my defense, I WAS completely oblivious that he was trying to approach! If I hadn't been in the moment, I would have politely put up with it, because I don't know how to CONSCIOUSLY blow somebody off. I'm too nice, lol


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> Hmm. Maybe it's because I have a "No A$$holes" rule.


Sorry if this has been already answered, but I cannot mine the 2k posts here to double-check. Do you approach potential dates yourself? Or just wait for the non-a$$holes to take initiative? You know that most women's impression of men is inaccurate, like an article on entrepreneurship that only interviews those who succeeded.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not shy, either, by any stretch of the imagination... but I would rather dig a whole in cement and hide than approach a hot guy. My brain ceases functioning, I can't speak, and my feet are glue to the floor.


For me with beautiful women my mating instincts get triggered! And I disappear from whatever group I was meant to be hanging out with!

I become like this:










But some piss me off... then I become like my avatar... or if they push it...










Hiss!



> After a few beats, he mumbles something, and I realize he's talking to me, so I say, "Sorry, didn't hear you, what was that?" And he leans in and says, "How are you?" I smile, because I'm a smiley kind of gal, and I say, "Oh, I'm fine, thanks," and I turn back to continue watching Rodney do his song. The guy stands there for a little longer, and then walks off.


Bwaahahahahaha lol

Crash and burn!


----------



## FeministInPink

moco82 said:


> Sorry if this has been already answered, but I cannot mine the 2k posts here to double-check. Do you approach potential dates yourself? Or just wait for the non-a$$holes to take initiative? You know that most women's impression of men is inaccurate, like an article on entrepreneurship that only interviews those who succeeded.


Ha ha, that was a direct response to your masters of the universe comment. I have no interest in dating a master of the universe type.

I would prefer that the man take the initiative--I was the one taking the initiative all through my teens and early twenties, and that got old.

That, and since my disaster of a first marriage, I freeze up at the thought of approaching a man. Hangover from the emotional abuse in my marriage. Hopefully, I'll get over that. The few times I've done so since I've started dating again, it's been unsuccessful. I've tried the OLD thing, sending out TONS of messages, and hardly get a nibble back.

DC is a man's market, as far as dating is concerned. There are a LOT more single women than single men here. 

Though, I can't say it's been entirely unsuccessful. I've had two boyfriends and a few friends for fun since last summer.

ETA: See RandomDude's quote of me above. I was trying to find that to quote myself to demonstrate how I feel about the approach. But if I'm approached, I am charming and completely at ease.


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> DC is a man's market, as far as dating is concerned. There are a LOT more single women than single men here.


DC? District of Columbia? Are you serious?

Which neighborhood do you live in, which neighborhoods do you frequent? Shall we find two equally attractive individuals, male and female, and have a date-off? I'd wager $100 that the male would fare significantly more poorly. I couldn't have been on the child-rearing/backyard-fixing front long enough for the city to turn on its head.


----------



## FeministInPink

moco82 said:


> DC? District of Columbia? Are you serious?
> 
> Which neighborhood do you live in, which neighborhoods do you frequent? Shall we find two equally attractive individuals, male and female, and have a date-off? I'd wager $100 that the male would fare significantly more poorly. I couldn't have been on the child-rearing/backyard-fixing front long enough for the city to turn on its head.


Yes, I am TOTALLY serious! I don't have the source anymore, but there are stats on this. Supposedly, it's like 90 single guys for every 100 single gals, and I don't know if that takes into consideration the large (male) gay community.

I've only done one speed dating thing so far... there were like 30 more females than males, and on average, the women were more attractive than the men--and the guys were much more socially awkward!


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> I've only done one speed dating thing so far... there were like 30 more females than males, and on average, the women were more attractive than the men--and the guys were much more socially awkward!


The geek community may be larger than the gay community. It's no Silicon Valley, but I know more private-sector IT people than government-related workers.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Supposedly, it's like 90 single guys for every single gal...
> 
> ...there were like 30 more females than males


:scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:


Whoops, thanks, I fixed it. I meant to say 90 guys per 100 gals.


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> Whoops, thanks, I fixed it. I meant to say 90 guys per 100 gals.


This will require some fresh numbers from the District and 4-5 neighboring counties, sliced by age, income bracket, and ethnicity. Otherwise the stats aren't really about who's in the same swim lane as you.


----------



## FeministInPink

moco82 said:


> This will require some fresh numbers from the District and 4-5 neighboring counties, sliced by age, income bracket, and ethnicity. Otherwise the stats aren't really about who's in the same swim lane as you.


Ha ha, OK, I will get right on that!


----------



## FeministInPink

moco82 said:


> The geek community may be larger than the gay community. It's no Silicon Valley, but I know more private-sector IT people than government-related workers.


Most of whom are located in the northwestern 270 corridor, and this particular speed dating event happened to be right around where the 270 corridor intersects with DC. So that makes absolute sense. I had not even considered that.


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> Most of whom are located in the northwestern 270 corridor, and this particular speed dating event happened to be right around where the 270 corridor intersects with DC. So that makes absolute sense. I had not even considered that.


It gets much worse in NoVa towards Dulles. Much of nation's sever capacity is around there.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Whoops, thanks, I fixed it. I meant to say 90 guys per 100 gals.


Was gonna say...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Went on a date on Saturday. Date went ok. This is someone I met at a pool party. *She was playing hard to get at first but I told her she was afraid of being alone with me and got her to say yes that way. She wanted to prove she is not afraid lol.
> *
> Anyways ... we have many things in common and she seems very nice. There was a weird moment that could have gotten weirder but I played it cool. During the date I touched her hand and said she has small hands. I wanted to break the touch barrier. Nothing crazy. Half an hr later or so I touched her earrings and said red looks nice on her.* She said she prefer I don't touch her because if she lets me then I'll just keep going and wany to touch her in other place. *
> 
> Ladies? Did I cross a line here. I thought the touch was pretty innocent.





Lifescript said:


> No touching from her. We were in a nice restaurant with lots of people there. I touched her hands like 20 mins into the date after she was laughing because of something funny I said.
> 
> I guess for her it easy an invasion of privacy. I* don't really mind it cos it says she doesn't let guys touch her that soon. *She didn't touch me ... nope.





Lifescript said:


> I think FIP is right.
> *
> I didn't get that feeling of attraction from her I was getting from the other woman I dated. *
> 
> I told her at the end of the night that I had a fun time. She said "you are just saying that to he nice". I wonder if shes insecure.
> 
> Next day she texted saying thanks for the night and that she had a good time. I told her I did as well and wish her luck on some event she had going Sunday during the day. She didn't reply to that last text and we haven't texted since.
> *
> Don't see much attraction coming from her so I don't think I'll go out again unless she texts me saying she wants to go out.*





Lifescript said:


> I believe her when she says she doesn't go on dates.* She says people get the impression that she's not friendly when they first see her. I didn't see that.* Had already downed enough Sam adams at the party to double think it or have doubts. I just went in and we started talking.


Sorry, but she sounds like a frigid b!tch to me. If she didnt like being touched, thats fine and I get it, but to come out and make this big deal about how she doesnt let men touch her so soon, and that you will just keep wanting more...she has ISSUES. Most ladies would just make sure to keep distance so that you would not be able to make contact instead of making a thing out of it. You will be sorry if you end up in a relationship with her, because you will be starving for sex and attention. 

Ok that being said...you did cross a line with the touching...not due to the actual touches, but because you touched with there being no feeling of attraction, or chemistry. If you dont feel it, DONT TOUCH. Why would you WANT to touch someone you dont have that click with? I surely would not, nor would I welcome it.


----------



## bkyln309

3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry, but she sounds like a frigid b!tch to me. If she didnt like being touched, thats fine and I get it, but to come out and make this big deal about how she doesnt let men touch her so soon, and that you will just keep wanting more...she has ISSUES. Most ladies would just make sure to keep distance so that you would not be able to make contact instead of making a thing out of it. You will be sorry if you end up in a relationship with her, because you will be starving for sex and attention.
> 
> Ok that being said...you did cross a line with the touching...not due to the actual touches, but because you touched with there being no feeling of attraction, or chemistry. If you dont feel it, DONT TOUCH. Why would you WANT to touch someone you dont have that click with? I surely would not, nor would I welcome it.


I thought the same thing. RUN!!! This woman has MAJOR ISSUES!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> I thought the same thing. RUN!!! This woman has MAJOR ISSUES!


Oh good, its not just me, LOL!


----------



## Lifescript

My God ... when will a sane woman cross my path?

I actually didn't ask her out again. We have texted some but she took a whole day to reply to a text I sent asking how it went with a realtor that is trying to get her a bigger apartment. I texted her around 1 pm and she replied at around 5 the next day. 

That's unacceptable. 

Next! 

3x ... I did want to touch her. That's why i did it. I am attracted to her. Well I was.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> when will a sane woman cross my path?


There is no such thing!


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> There is no such thing!


Lol 

One with minor defects? 

Not looking for perfect just normal/good attitude/fun/values


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> There is no such thing!


Hey now!


----------



## RandomDude

SecondTime'Round said:


> Hey now!


lol


----------



## FeministInPink

I must be a glutton for punishment. Not only am I currently in rehearsals for a show (4x/week), looking for a new place to live, and frantically trying to pack up/sort/sell my sh!t in what little free time that I do have... now I've decided to apply for a new job.

I MUST be crazy.

But this new position opened up at work, and I would be crazy NOT to apply for it. I currently work in higher ed admissions, and I desperately want to get out of it--not to mention that they work me to death and don't pay me enough. I've been thinking about getting into communications/marketing for a while--I do a little bit of this type of work in my current job, and I love it--but the transition will be hard, because I don't have full-time marketing/comms exp, nor do I have a degree in the field. So, basically, to switch fields, I wouldn't be able to do a lateral move--I'd have to take a step down and a cut in pay to get my foot in the door. Even if I wanted to move into the communications/marketing office in my own organization, there is no job in that office that is the same level as my current position (so I would still have to take a step down and a pay cut).

Until this week! They have created a new Associate Director of Communications position, which I think is perfect for me... plus, it's a lateral move, and if they decide to hire me, I might even get a pay increase. It will get me OUT of admissions a full year ahead of schedule, and really paves the way for me to move into eventually doing communications/marketing in either the private or the non-profit sector.

BONUS: I've been thinking about pursuing another MA in Communications, in order to develop a broader knowledge base that will hep me move into this field. (I already have a masters in creative writing, which has no practical application whatsoever.) But I have been on the fence... I don't want to start another MA degree when I'm planning on leaving my current job in a year, and I don't know what the tuition benefits at my next job might be (I want to borrow as little as possible). And I don't want to start a degree program if I'm not certain I can finish. If I get this job, I think I'll be invested for at least 2-3 years, and I'll know what my benefits will be and what I can expect to invest myself. And I'll be able to take what I'm learning in class and (hopefully) directly apply it to my work.


----------



## RandomDude

Associate Director? That's an executive position, should come with executive pay =/


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Associate Director? That's an executive position, should come with executive pay =/


It's higher ed, RD. I make higher ed salary. If/when I move into the private sector, I'll make more money. 

Higher ed is known for excellent bennies and crappy pay.

And in higher ed, it sounds like an executive title, but it's more like middle management, maybe? I would have a staff reporting to me, but only a staff of 2-3, maybe. It's a small division, so the offices are small.


----------



## RandomDude

Ex and I had a chat today, in regards to my rather oddly timed suggestion of reconciliation, she wanted to know how I expected it to work.

Don't know guys... quite frankly since the rejection I've lost the mood for any mating with anyone. Just threw my hands up and said fk it.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RD, how did you expect it to work? Genuine question.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Well all, I'm happy to report the draught has ended! That was a loooong 26 months of celibacy. I didn't set the record did I?


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Well all, I'm happy to report the draught has ended! That was a loooong 26 months of celibacy. I didn't set the record did I?


Hooray!!! Feels good, doesn't it?

No, you didn't set the record. I think I have a lock on that at around 2.5 yrs.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Hooray!!! Feels good, doesn't it?
> 
> No, you didn't set the record. I think I have a lock on that at around 2.5 yrs.


Definitely. Unfortunately I'm not sure this one is going to be long term after all. Couples at the 3 week mark of a "relationship" shouldn't be having silly little misunderstandings already should they? She made a comment about an appliance in her apartment being old. Later on I got a glimpse of it and it was indeed the old style appliance with the faded yellow color of a 20+ year old appliance. I said something like "oh wow, that is old..." and she took that to mean that I thought she lived in a crappy apartment and that it wasn't good enough for me to be around. WTF?


----------



## FeministInPink

So--fingers crossed--I think I've found a place to live! The only thing left is approval by the rental company.

I'm a little nervous about this--I haven't applied for an apartment in a really long time, and not as a single applicant since 2001. My credit's not awful, but I just got dinged for a late payment, which bumped me from "good" to "fair"--which has me a little freaked. And then I saw all my debt spelled out on paper 

But I have excellent rental and employment history, which works in my favor.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Definitely. Unfortunately I'm not sure this one is going to be long term after all. Couples at the 3 week mark of a "relationship" shouldn't be having silly little misunderstandings already should they? She made a comment about an appliance in her apartment being old. Later on I got a glimpse of it and it was indeed the old style appliance with the faded yellow color of a 20+ year old appliance. I said something like "oh wow, that is old..." and she took that to mean that I thought she lived in a crappy apartment and that it wasn't good enough for me to be around. WTF?


The first one never is meant to be LTR (I learned tha the hard way). Just enjoy it for what it is, and learn what you can from the experience. And enjoy the sex 

My first after the divorce, we had a lot of misunderstandings. I was learning to date all over again. I was a perpetually awkward, horny 14-year-old.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> Hooray!!! Feels good, doesn't it?
> 
> No, you didn't set the record. I think I have a lock on that at around 2.5 yrs.


Nope, I beat that one. Right at 3 years right now.


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> RD, how did you expect it to work? Genuine question.


Have a thread about it on the reconciliation section. Meh, regardless I hope I didn't plant a seed that I can't be fked watering at this present time. I wasn't really hurt (more ashamed of letting myself be vulnerable) when she turned down reconciliation, but something switched. Like a last straw was pulled.

Part of me even wanted her to reject me so I didn't have to put up with all the negging "what if I didn't reject her" thoughts that popped up in my brain especially after all the disappointments over the years. I didn't expect that there would be nothing left in me after it however.

Nowadays a woman flutters her eyes at me and I just play dumb and ignore her.



> Later on I got a glimpse of it and it was indeed the old style appliance with the faded yellow color of a 20+ year old appliance. I said something like "oh wow, that is old..." and she took that to mean that I thought she lived in a crappy apartment and that it wasn't good enough for me to be around. WTF?


Female interpretation of the male language at its finest.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Female interpretation of the male language at its finest.


I don't want to lump all females in to this group. It was a weird reaction for sure. The comment was made last night while I was there, and it was in agreement with something she had already pointed out. The full thought in my head was "Yep, you weren't joking when you said the appliance the apartment provided for you is indeed old". Again, I was just agreeing with her in my observation. Yet I got the accusatory text this morning with a list of issues she was seeing (this was one of about 4).


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I don't want to lump all females in to this group. It was a weird reaction for sure. The comment was made last night while I was there, and it was in agreement with something she had already pointed out. The full thought in my head was "Yep, you weren't joking when you said the appliance the apartment provided for you is indeed old". Again, I was just agreeing with her in my observation. Yet I got the accusatory text this morning with a list of issues she was seeing (this was one of about 4).


I'm curious to know what the other "issues" are...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> I'm curious to know what the other "issues" are...


1. the old appliance comment
2. her fridge not having an ice maker - another comment I made apparently
3. I offered to see if I could fix an issue on her TV where the sound wasn't synched with video. Probably the old fixer in me trying to be helpful, she took it as an insult that I would bring it up at all.
4. I rolled over while asleep while she had her arm around me. Sorry, I probably got hot and rolled over in my sleep. Don't read into it.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> 1. the old appliance comment
> 2. her fridge not having an ice maker - another comment I made apparently
> 3. I offered to see if I could fix an issue on her TV where the sound wasn't synched with video. Probably the old fixer in me trying to be helpful, she took it as an insult that I would bring it up at all.
> 4. I rolled over while asleep while she had her arm around me. Sorry, I probably got hot and rolled over in my sleep. Don't read into it.


And she was complaining about all this? Woman needs to chill. Or you need to fvck her senseless


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Well this was a quickly devolving situation. She just broke up with me over text because I didn't text her for 4 hours but checked my Facebook between meetings today. Another bullet dodged!!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> Well this was a quickly devolving situation. She just broke up with me over text because I didn't text her for 4 hours but checked my Facebook between meetings today. *Another bullet dodged!!!*


Yep! She did you a favor! All indicators were pointing toward B!TCH!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> TheGoodGuy said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well this was a quickly devolving situation. She just broke up with me over text because I didn't text her for 4 hours but checked my Facebook between meetings today. *Another bullet dodged!!!*
> 
> 
> 
> Yep! She did you a favor! All indicators were pointing toward B!TCH!
Click to expand...

Yep. She said she texted me 4 hours earlier and was expecting a reply, and got pissed when apparently I had "plenty of time to be on FB". First, I didn't get a text from her at all at that time. Was in meetings and working all afternoon, and probably did check FB during the afternoon for a couple of minutes. Oblivious I was ignoring a nonexistent text and also oblivious that she was watching my FB activity.


----------



## RandomDude

Lol well at least you got a lay


----------



## moxy

TheGoodGuy, she sounds really insecure and high-maintenance. Maybe with someone else, she won't be this way, but it's clear that you two aren't on the same page. Good riddance to the drama.


----------



## moxy

I haven't really felt like dating or meeting people for a few months. I've been pretty depressed and grieving and just not taking care of myself. I gained seven or eight pounds. The other day, I just got fed up with how I've been neglecting my body and fitness, though. So, I started working out again. A week into it and I am down with a horrible cold or something.

I'm not done grieving (not sure if one ever really is), but I need to try and get back to living my life. So, I'm supposed to go on a date with GI Joe 2.0 next week (I guess he is still interested because he saw me on a different online dating site and messaged me again). I'm nervous and self-conscious because I don't like the shape I'm in right now. He's seen me recently (photos), so I'm not hiding anything, but he's got an amazingly fit body and I don't right now and...that triggers some issues for me from my ex-marriage (my ex was rather body-obsessed, his and mine) and could be really cruel. Anyhow, logically, if we have no physical chemistry in person, that's okay, but I'll be embarrassed if that's the case because in pics he seems to find me sexy. I panic when he text-flirts sometimes like that. Ugh. I do not like feeling insecure about myself, and I am working on it, but I'm surprised how much space this is taking up in my head right now. 😕


----------



## FeministInPink

Moxy, don't be too hard on yourself. I haven't lost a parent (yet), but I've been told by others that grieving a parent can take a long time, and it's not something you ever really "get over," you just eventually learn to live your life without them--but you never stop missing them. So be gentle with yourself. My friend lost her mother over a year ago, and she's still feeling a lot of grief.

RE GI Joe 2.0... what each guy finds sexy is different. He wouldn't be pursuing you if he didn't think you were hot. And that has nothing to do with what HE looks like. 

If you're feeling insecure, keep up with your workouts and eating right, and eventually those few extra pounds will come off. Honestly, most people won't notice a few extra pounds, because it's spread over your entire body. WE notice because it's OUR body, but other people don't notice. When I lose (or gain) weight, no one notices until the difference passes 15#. So don't fret over a little bit--and working out and eating right will boost you because you know you're doing something about it. And the exercise creates endorphins, and a healthy diet will make you feel good in general. All of this should help with the depression.


----------



## tripad

EnjoliWoman said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hooray!!! Feels good, doesn't it?
> 
> No, you didn't set the record. I think I have a lock on that at around 2.5 yrs.
> 
> 
> 
> Nope, I beat that one. Right at 3 years right now.
Click to expand...

Damn 

I m going 20 months now . ???N not a date yet . Working my a** off to feed my kids . no man in sight n no time .


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TheGoodGuy said:


> Yep. She said she texted me 4 hours earlier and was expecting a reply, and got pissed when apparently I had "plenty of time to be on FB". First, I didn't get a text from her at all at that time. Was in meetings and working all afternoon, and probably did check FB during the afternoon for a couple of minutes. Oblivious I was ignoring a nonexistent text and also oblivious that she was watching my FB activity.


Wow. Yeah, I'd say you dodged a bullet for sure. Why in the world would she be offended by an offer to fix her TV??? (Or any of those things!)


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> I haven't really felt like dating or meeting people for a few months. I've been pretty depressed and grieving and just not taking care of myself. I gained seven or eight pounds. The other day, I just got fed up with how I've been neglecting my body and fitness, though. So, I started working out again. A week into it and I am down with a horrible cold or something.
> 
> I'm not done grieving (not sure if one ever really is), but I need to try and get back to living my life. So, I'm supposed to go on a date with GI Joe 2.0 next week (I guess he is still interested because he saw me on a different online dating site and messaged me again). I'm nervous and self-conscious because I don't like the shape I'm in right now. He's seen me recently (photos), so I'm not hiding anything, but he's got an amazingly fit body and I don't right now and...that triggers some issues for me from my ex-marriage (my ex was rather body-obsessed, his and mine) and could be really cruel. Anyhow, logically, if we have no physical chemistry in person, that's okay, but I'll be embarrassed if that's the case because in pics he seems to find me sexy. I panic when he text-flirts sometimes like that. Ugh. I do not like feeling insecure about myself, and I am working on it, but I'm surprised how much space this is taking up in my head right now. 😕



The not taking care of yourself is not good. I understand the not wanting to date at this time, but glad to hear you decided to get up and start back on the "healthy trails" again.

I should do a roll call for all present "Healthy Living" group members.


----------



## moxy

Ikaika said:


> The not taking care of yourself is not good. I understand the not wanting to date at this time, but glad to hear you decided to get up and start back on the "healthy trails" again.
> 
> I should do a roll call for all present "Healthy Living" group members.



Ikaika, I agree that self-neglect is not good, even when there's a good reason. I guess that's why I'm trying to do something about it, now. Also, it's easy to not worry about fitness when I'm less concerned with how I look for someone and when my efforts are being spent on coping with stuff; so, I already see a problem with my focus and motivation, there! 

Thank you for the "Healthy Living" reminder; I should make it a point to check in and be more involved as I undertake these efforts to get it back together!

FIP -- Thank you for the supportive words. I know I need to reframe the narrative in my head.  And, hey, if he didn't like me, why would he still be messaging me after so long, right? And if he doesn't, so what? And, I suppose there's a chance I won't like him, too, right? My goodness, I feel like I'm in middle school when I reduce it down to the bare bones of the anxiety. Lol.


----------



## Ikaika

moxy said:


> Ikaika, I agree that self-neglect is not good, even when there's a good reason. I guess that's why I'm trying to do something about it, now. Also, it's easy to not worry about fitness when I'm less concerned with how I look for someone and when my efforts are being spent on coping with stuff; so, I already see a problem with my focus and motivation, there!
> 
> Thank you for the "Healthy Living" reminder; I should make it a point to check in and be more involved as I undertake these efforts to get it back together!


The Healthy Living Group has been very slow lately but I should be the one to inspire those to reconnect. 

Getting back into the groove will help you reset your mind in a positive way. I'm pretty sure your dad would tell you the same thing.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Moxy, I'm sorry your life has been this way and that you've suffered a loss. I did, too, so I understand. Plus the same issues with body and ex. I don't feel confident dating a fit guy (yet).

My Dad passed away last month from a sudden encephalitis - we took him off life support and he made it 7 more days. I have a surviving mother in good health and a handicapped sister and feel like I have to take care of EVERYONE. But I stopped taking care of me and I'm glad I was at Dad's side vs. the gym but it's been one thing after another so I got back on track and scheduled my yearly physical, too.

And a guy who is so compatible with me broke up with his girlfriend and suddenly is calling and asking me out (as friends) and I considered giving in for more but honestly, I'd be settling. He's perfect in every way but the bedroom plus didn't want me when I was heavier and I know I'd always be worried about my body and every pound and THAT sure isn't conducive to a good sex life, so... NEXT!


----------



## Ikaika

EnjoliWoman said:


> Moxy, I'm sorry your life has been this way and that you've suffered a loss. I did, too, so I understand. Plus the same issues with body and ex. I don't feel confident dating a fit guy (yet).
> 
> 
> 
> My Dad passed away last month from a sudden encephalitis - we took him off life support and he made it 7 more days. I have a surviving mother in good health and a handicapped sister and feel like I have to take care of EVERYONE. But I stopped taking care of me and I'm glad I was at Dad's side vs. the gym but it's been one thing after another so I got back on track and scheduled my yearly physical, too.
> 
> 
> 
> And a guy who is so compatible with me broke up with his girlfriend and suddenly is calling and asking me out (as friends) and I considered giving in for more but honestly, I'd be settling. He's perfect in every way but the bedroom plus didn't want me when I was heavier and I know I'd always be worried about my body and every pound and THAT sure isn't conducive to a good sex life, so... NEXT!



The guy who tries to go down the list of lady friends (that is ladies who are friends with each other) is either clueless or a loser. I would definitely say next if I were you enjoli... You are worth more than what he assumes; a better catch than he deserves.


----------



## moxy

EnjoliWoman said:


> Moxy, I'm sorry your life has been this way and that you've suffered a loss. I did, too, so I understand. Plus the same issues with body and ex. I don't feel confident dating a fit guy (yet).
> 
> 
> 
> My Dad passed away last month from a sudden encephalitis - we took him off life support and he made it 7 more days. I have a surviving mother in good health and a handicapped sister and feel like I have to take care of EVERYONE. But I stopped taking care of me and I'm glad I was at Dad's side vs. the gym but it's been one thing after another so I got back on track and scheduled my yearly physical, too.
> 
> 
> 
> And a guy who is so compatible with me broke up with his girlfriend and suddenly is calling and asking me out (as friends) and I considered giving in for more but honestly, I'd be settling. He's perfect in every way but the bedroom plus didn't want me when I was heavier and I know I'd always be worried about my body and every pound and THAT sure isn't conducive to a good sex life, so... NEXT!



Enjoli, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, too! And, I'm so sorry for your loss. 

I understand exactly how that feels. I lost my dad, and my mom is ill, and my sisters have situations that need a lot of help (though they help me when I need it, too! Especially financially because they make more than I do and are more established in their families; as a single person, my time is seen as flexible, and as a resource sometimes, which is hard to manage when I offer it freely.) 

The past few months, I've felt like I stepped out of my life and into this role as a helper and, I don't even know how to get back into my own life. Of course, I did that to myself, so it's up to me to fix it, but getting back to working out and caring about myself has been one way of taking a step to it. Funny how that feels selfish and indulgent in the face of those caregiver responsibilities. 

My sisters and I all seem to take turns feeling burnout, so I guess we need to manage things better. I love my family and I'm glad to be around them, but I think I'm always afraid that they won't accept me for me, so I see my life and my family life as separate things. 

Since my ex did so much damage to people in my family, dating is a scary thing for me. I always want to keep the people in my romantic life separate from my family life, just to be safe. And, that sense of safety is mixed up with body issues, because my ex was so obsessed with the body and also did so much damage. 

Grief has brought so many issues to the surface. I always felt safe as long as I had my dad and without him, I feel very vulnerable. That surprised me because I've been on my own for such a long time. 

It makes sense to set aside time to be with family, but we can't neglect ourselves forever; that was the one main thing my dad tried to impress upon me throughout his life because I have a tendency to give up my time and resources to others too quickly, so I shouldn't forget that. 

Life can be so hard, sometimes. I never through grief could make me shut down so much. I hardly recognize my life. I suppose that in healthy relationships, partners can draw strength from each other through stuff like this, but single people have to think about support differently. I don't see that as a factor in dating because I'm afraid to ever reconcile a romantic partner with the rest of my world. 

Oh wow, I am just realizing how messed up I am about some of these things now, after my illusions about my own possibilities with family crumbled with my marriage. I didn't realize that I didn't have hope for a long term future again until just now.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

EnjoliWoman said:


> Nope, I beat that one. Right at 3 years right now.


Pffff, a pittance. I hate even thinking of my current drought, but at least I got forcibly used to it back when I was married. If only I could handle casual sex. And wasn't too busy raising kids to try dating.


----------



## Another Planet

TheGoodGuy said:


> 1. the old appliance comment
> 2. her fridge not having an ice maker - another comment I made apparently
> 3. I offered to see if I could fix an issue on her TV where the sound wasn't synched with video. Probably the old fixer in me trying to be helpful, she took it as an insult that I would bring it up at all.
> 4. I rolled over while asleep while she had her arm around me. Sorry, I probably got hot and rolled over in my sleep. Don't read into it.


Sounds like the 2 of you are out of tune, you are on different pages and it is apparently a big deal since A. you are defending yourself here from something you subconsciously know but haven't figured out yet and B. she feels the need to be angry about the little things which means you aren't supplying to her needs. 
Sounds like she did you a favor, move along now.


----------



## Another Planet

Lifescript said:


> *My God ... when will a sane woman cross my path?*
> 
> I actually didn't ask her out again. We have texted some but she took a whole day to reply to a text I sent asking how it went with a realtor that is trying to get her a bigger apartment. I texted her around 1 pm and she replied at around 5 the next day.
> 
> That's unacceptable.
> 
> Next!
> 
> 3x ... I did want to touch her. That's why i did it. I am attracted to her. Well I was.


Simple, when you make yourself attractive to women that you think are sane. Or maybe change your perception of women and their levels of sanity


----------



## Another Planet

Lifescript said:


> I know that subconsciously we do this at time. But I feel like I was ready and I'm ready for someone who's really invested in me. After 2 years of being separated and now waiting to be divorced I'm over my ex. It took a while but it's done.
> 
> *I've been thinking of going on an online dating site but the fact I'm still not divorced makes me rethink that*.


Get yourself divorced, no emotionally advanced woman wants to be with an involved man...and yes you still being married even though it is just legalities means you are not available in many ways. A man with conviction and resolve will tie up his loose ends to make his future a viable option. You only have so much energy in a day use it wisely my friend.


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> QFT!!!
> 
> A week ago, Recent Guy was blowing up my phone with some seriously steamy messages. And now he hasn't texted me for 6 days. If I tell him to fvck off, he'll panic, pour on the charm, and want to see me tomorrow night.





RandomDude said:


> !!!!
> 
> Wimmen! -.-
> 
> He could be busy!


HAHA yep sometimes guys do just loose site cause they are busy BUT I would definitely wonder why. What makes me scratch my head is you FP know how to play games with him and aren't red flagging yourself


----------



## Another Planet

HI everyone! Just seeing how the gang is doing and making my presence known LOL letting you know I still think of you all


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> HAHA yep sometimes guys do just loose site cause they are busy BUT I would definitely wonder why. What makes me scratch my head is you FP know how to play games with him and aren't red flagging yourself


Funny thing is... I posted that a while ago. It's now been 3 weeks since he's been in touch. But he keeps checking out my profile on OKC. 

Do you think I was playing games with him?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Another Planet said:


> TheGoodGuy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 1. the old appliance comment
> 2. her fridge not having an ice maker - another comment I made apparently
> 3. I offered to see if I could fix an issue on her TV where the sound wasn't synched with video. Probably the old fixer in me trying to be helpful, she took it as an insult that I would bring it up at all.
> 4. I rolled over while asleep while she had her arm around me. Sorry, I probably got hot and rolled over in my sleep. Don't read into it.
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like the 2 of you are out of tune, you are on different pages and it is apparently a big deal since A. you are defending yourself here from something you subconsciously know but haven't figured out yet and B. she feels the need to be angry about the little things which means you aren't supplying to her needs.
> Sounds like she did you a favor, move along now.
Click to expand...

Yup, definitely did me a favor. And the move along has already happened. Relationships shouldn't be that hard from the get go. But glad she showed me 3 weeks in instead of 3 months or years. I mean really. I'm not hard to get along with unless the other creates drama. I don't do drama.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Funny thing is... I posted that a while ago. It's now been 3 weeks since he's been in touch. But he keeps checking out my profile on OKC.


Odd

Maybe those steamy messages are actually not from him, but from a playboy friend of his who wanted to 'show him the way', only to leave him clueless on how to continue it when left on his own.

So now he just stalks you 

It's a possibility based on what you have shared so far!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Odd
> 
> Maybe those steamy messages are actually not from him, but from a playboy friend of his who wanted to 'show him the way', only to leave him clueless on how to continue it when left on his own.
> 
> So now he just stalks you
> 
> It's a possibility based on what you have shared so far!


Ha ha, no they were definitely from him, and not a playboy friend.

But why the OKC stalking? It just makes no sense. (And does he not know that I can see who visits my profile, and when?)

Whatever. Other fish in the sea and whatnot. And not like I even have any time for a fish right now, anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

Well, the withdrawal of a playboy friend is the fun answer (and still probable - like, how can you be sure it was him?  )

As for the not so fun answer - there's multitudes of possibilities, simply use your imagination and then use process of elimination based on information you collected from your interactions with him so far and then determine what makes the most sense to you.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well, the withdrawal of a playboy friend is the fun answer (and still probable - like, how can you be sure it was him?  )
> 
> As for the not so fun answer - there's multitudes of possibilities, simply use your imagination and then use process of elimination based on information you collected from your interactions with him so far and then determine what makes the most sense to you.


Whatever, I don't need to know why. All that really matters is that he decided to end things without really ending them, and that's all I really need to know.


----------



## Lifescript

Another Planet said:


> Get yourself divorced, no emotionally advanced woman wants to be with an involved man...and yes you still being married even though it is just legalities means you are not available in many ways. A man with conviction and resolve will tie up his loose ends to make his future a viable option. You only have so much energy in a day use it wisely my friend.


You know what ... I think you are right. I've been thinking about it and I think I'll just not put any effort at all into dating or whatever until I'm officially divorced. Also figured out that I'm not going to be as big into the dating thing as I thought. I've had plans, dates, texts, talks, etc with 2 women in the last month and already started feeling exhausted from everything that goes along with meeting new people. 

Definitely will stick to talking/dating one woman at a time.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, no they were definitely from him, and not a playboy friend.
> 
> But why the OKC stalking? It just makes no sense. (And does he not know that I can see who visits my profile, and when?)
> 
> Whatever. Other fish in the sea and whatnot. And not like I even have any time for a fish right now, anyway.


I've got one of those on OkC, too. We started talking in NOVEMBER. We've seen each other a few times, we are totally compatible and have great fun together. But then he flakes out and goes dark. But will check my profile out... until he starts texting me again.

My theory is that we could actually be relationship material, and he is totally freaked out by it. Like you said, other fish...


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I've got one of those on OkC, too. We started talking in NOVEMBER. We've seen each other a few times, we are totally compatible and have great fun together. But then he flakes out and goes dark. But will check my profile out... until he starts texting me again.
> 
> My theory is that we could actually be relationship material, and he is totally freaked out by it. Like you said, other fish...


Yup, just like mine, though yours has dragged on much longer. We're totally compatible and we have good chemistry. No idea what the problem is, but whatever it is, it's his problem. 

Not my problem.


----------



## RandomDude

Chemistry goes both ways so it's likely they could have found someone else or even - their spouse found them! Etc etc, plenty of possibilities, if they are capable of going dark on you, it's highly probable that they weren't being genuine with you as well.

But you guys have the right idea, just pay it no mind and move on.


----------



## hope4family

So me and the lil red lady went to the beach last night to catch the meteor shower. Even though it was overcast it was an experience I would do again and wouldn't mind if we went to see the meteor shower in December. Overall was out till 4:30a and here I am, back at work.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> So me and the lil red lady went to the beach last night to catch the meteor shower. Even though it was overcast it was an experience I would do again and wouldn't mind if we went to see the meteor shower in December. Overall was out till 4:30a and here I am, back at work.


That sounds like so much fun! I should add "watch a meteor shower" to my bucket list.


----------



## hope4family

Still would rather be at the beach. lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

I caught one driving home from work last night (get off at midnight). Caught myself making a wish and laughed.


----------



## hope4family

As a Gundam Wing fan. Operation Meteor always holds a special reminder of childhood for me. 

But at least I am thinking about cartoons.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Yup, just like mine, though yours has dragged on much longer. We're totally compatible and we have good chemistry. No idea what the problem is, but whatever it is, it's his problem.
> 
> Not my problem.


Sad thing is, he is really amazing. We make each other laugh, he is super tall and sexy, and I know we'd be great together. If only we were in the same place. 

Oh well. While it is disappointing, it is also not my problem.


----------



## RandomDude

Been thinking lately, about ex's and I's talk, also wondering why my interest in everything just switched off, turns out I'm ashamed. Ashamed of being vulnerable, yet I am not ashamed of vulnerability to my daughter. Yet still ashamed, turns out because I was vulnerable to someone I no longer love. So what I did in the end was stupid, but it was needed. 

Think I'm really forgeting what it's like to actually love someone. Meh, don't know how long I can continue to harden my heart, no longer the person I used to be when young, when I didn't know any better... Meh, not going to end up on my deathbed and regret giving up, would be worst then regretting falling in love with someone. At least I would be living a full life, not fearing of the consequences.

... yeah, think I'm going to give love a chance again, at least until the next heartbreak when I'll sing a different tune.

/end random thought


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking lately, about ex's and I's talk, also wondering why my interest in everything just switched off, turns out I'm ashamed. Ashamed of being vulnerable, yet I am not ashamed of vulnerability to my daughter. Yet still ashamed, turns out because I was vulnerable to someone I no longer love. So what I did in the end was stupid, but it was needed.
> 
> Think I'm really forgeting what it's like to actually love someone. Meh, don't know how long I can continue to harden my heart, no longer the person I used to be when young, when I didn't know any better... Meh, not going to end up on my deathbed and regret giving up, would be worst then regretting falling in love with someone. At least I would be living a full life, not fearing of the consequences.
> 
> ... yeah, think I'm going to give love a chance again, at least until the next heartbreak when I'll sing a different tune.
> 
> /end random thought


You might be making progress, RD...


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking lately, about ex's and I's talk, also wondering why my interest in everything just switched off, turns out I'm ashamed. Ashamed of being vulnerable, yet I am not ashamed of vulnerability to my daughter. Yet still ashamed, turns out because I was vulnerable to someone I no longer love. So what I did in the end was stupid, but it was needed.
> 
> Think I'm really forgeting what it's like to actually love someone. Meh, don't know how long I can continue to harden my heart, no longer the person I used to be when young, when I didn't know any better... Meh, not going to end up on my deathbed and regret giving up, would be worst then regretting falling in love with someone. At least I would be living a full life, not fearing of the consequences.
> 
> ... yeah, think I'm going to give love a chance again, at least until the next heartbreak when I'll sing a different tune.
> 
> /end random thought


Definitely sounds like progress, RD.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? 'tis be a good thing?

Dunno, I may just end up going "GRRR! BAH! WAH! ACK! TSK TSK! GRRR... /end vent" again on this thread in the following months


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ey? 'tis be a good thing?
> 
> Dunno, I may just end up going "GRRR! BAH! WAH! ACK! TSK TSK! GRRR... /end vent" again on this thread in the following months


You might. You do have the tendency to go around in circles. But the former post is the first time I've seen you express vulnerability, and a desire to change yourself. (And a recognition of the fact that you need to make changes.)

It's good stuff, RD.


----------



## RandomDude

We all have our moments of weakness...


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> We all have our moments of weakness...


PLEASE stop looking at it that way, RD. PLEASE. It takes a lot of courage and strength to tear down the artificial edifices that you've constructed to protect yourself out of fear pf pain, much more that it requires to harden your heart. Hardening your heart and closing yourself off to the possibility of love and a healthy relationship is easy and cowardly.

It's not a moment of weakness. It's a moment of clarity and hope for the future.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes, that's a common perspective amongst folks, one that I do not understand, but don't entirely disagree with either.

As for my comment, I didn't mean it as a bad thing, weakness is... human.

For me, anything is a weakness when it can be exploited. My love for my daughter, I also consider a weakness, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Wouldn't call it easy, hardening takes alot of consistent mental effort, and I wouldn't call jumping into the fire farting rainbows and butterflies brave either - but stupid. Sure sometimes one needs to, like I did recently with ex-wife, otherwise I'd still be stuck wondering the what ifs.

But meh, tis just me


----------



## moxy

Okay, so, I'm not sure what's happening with GI Joe 2.0 and our coffee date, but...Guy surprised me with a brief two-day visit, here. I feel so much affection for him. More than just the great sex, I like him more and more every time we spend time together. His affection waxes and wanes, sometimes he expresses it and sometimes he seems disconnected, but it doesn't bother me. Until he's living nearby, it's foolish to even wish for more, and who knows if he'd want that anyway, but...yikes, feelings. I didn't expect to see him for months, so this unexpected surprise made me happy, even though I am under the weather. Anyway, I feel comforted enough to get on with the business of my own life for a while. Once I run some errands this morning, sleep is at the top of my to do list!


----------



## RandomDude

Just shows up after a few months and sweeps you off your feet eh? And no resistance from you? :scratchhead:

Dunno, just saying if I did that I would have some explaining to do first if I pulled a disappearing act on someone tis all... =/
In fact, I would be wondering WTF if I didn't have to explain anything...


----------



## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Just shows up after a few months and sweeps you off your feet eh? And no resistance from you? :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> 
> Dunno, just saying if I did that I would have some explaining to do first if I pulled a disappearing act on someone tis all... =/
> 
> In fact, I would be wondering WTF if I didn't have to explain anything...



It wasn't quite a disappearing act, this time. He came back to the states after about ten months away and we reconnected (and talked about the previous disappearing act). He said he would be moving back in six months, so I didn't expect to see him before then, but it's only been a couple of months, and I guess he had some vacation time, so he flew over. He had mentioned (at that time) that he'd be spending some vacation time in another city around now, but I guess he changed his mind and came home for a bit. Alas, I think he knows I like him enough that I won't demand answers for things that aren't explicitly promised. 😕


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Okay, so, I'm not sure what's happening with GI Joe 2.0 and our coffee date, but...Guy surprised me with a brief two-day visit, here. I feel so much affection for him. More than just the great sex, I like him more and more every time we spend time together. His affection waxes and wanes, sometimes he expresses it and sometimes he seems disconnected, but it doesn't bother me. Until he's living nearby, it's foolish to even wish for more, and who knows if he'd want that anyway, but...yikes, feelings. I didn't expect to see him for months, so this unexpected surprise made me happy, even though I am under the weather. Anyway, I feel comforted enough to get on with the business of my own life for a while. Once I run some errands this morning, sleep is at the top of my to do list!


So, this is what my psychic friend would say about Guy (and this would not be an instance of her being psychic, it would just be her being her): he knows, subconsciously, that you're not ready for anything serious, because that's the energy you're sending out in the world. But he's drawn to you, which is why he keeps popping up in your life. When you're ready for something real with him, your energy will shift, and he will feel that, and it will pull him back into your orbit. So just be patient and do your thing for now.

If you believe that kind of stuff, there you go. If not, feel free to ignore my post 

I'm on the fence about this sort of thing. It sounds a little out there, but I don't know everything and I keep an open mind. 

And because she's religious, she would also tell you to give it up to God. I'm not religious, so I won't tell you that,


----------



## Lifescript

To me this is proof that for us guys going all crazy about what to do, what to say, how to behave and on and on is foolish. If the woman likes you ... then just being you will suffice. And even if you **** up a bit she will cut you some slack. Attraction is a powerful thing. 

Glad you had a chance to see him moxy. I think the unexpected visit will do you good and inject some happiness.


----------



## RandomDude

Don't believe in all the psychic mumble jumbo, but that's actually quite good advice


----------



## tripad

Not psychic . It's just the vibes sent out . N it makes sense .


----------



## moxy

FIP, I love your post! It makes me happy. I am also happy because I got lucky, but I was feeling emo, and after reading your post, I'm happy. I am still being the jerk who only comes over super late, but I am no longer being the one who won't stay the night. Plus, I owned up to my feelings last time, and I did tell him that I'm into him and if he wants that, then cool, but if he just wants to keep things as they are, that's cool, too. 😳 He didn't recoil in horror, so that's good.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> To me this is proof that for us guys going all crazy about what to do, what to say, how to behave and on and on is foolish. If the woman likes you ... then just being you will suffice. And even if you **** up a bit she will cut you some slack. Attraction is a powerful thing.
> 
> Glad you had a chance to see him moxy. I think the unexpected visit will do you good and inject some happiness.


So, so, so true. And as a woman, I have to remember that the opposite applies as well. I get so worked up about doing or saying the wrong thing... I mentioned something like this to Fireman once (for those of you who haven't been around long enough to know, Fireman is a guy who I dated last summer), and he responded, "Don't worry about it, babe. I like you the way you are. Just do YOU."

He did disappear, so he must not have liked me ENOUGH, but it's enough to remind me that chemistry and attraction matter more than the minutiae of what I do, and it's not worth obsessing over. Just do YOU.


----------



## moxy

Attraction matters, but I don't think it's the only thing that matters. Sometimes, we have other issues that prevent us from acting the way others expect us to. 

Because attraction is important, we will forgive a lover all kinds of transgressions as long as our lust is satisfied, but, sometimes, our baggage also plays a part in how we interpret the behaviors of and interactions we have with lovers, and those surrounding us and them.


----------



## RandomDude

moxy said:


> I did tell him that I'm into him and if he wants that, then cool, but if he just wants to keep things as they are, that's cool, too. 😳 He didn't recoil in horror, so that's good.


Makes me wonder really, as I've been sabotaging my casual relations whenever I start suspecting emotional attachment. Yet if you can be happy being emotionally invested in someone who didn't invest back...

Hmmm... guess how a woman feels should not be a man's responsibility yes?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Makes me wonder really, as I've been sabotaging my casual relations whenever I start suspecting emotional attachment. Yet if you can be happy being emotionally invested in someone who didn't invest back...
> 
> Hmmm... guess how a woman feels should not be a man's responsibility yes?


Don't make blanket applications, RD. Each woman is different. 

Moxy is in an unusual place right now. She likes him. She has the feels a little bit, and she would like something more. But she's also in a difficult place emotionally with the passing of her father, and she might not be ready for a full-blown relationship right now, either. 

I think moxy knew what his answer was going to be before he said it. She knows that he might say "no" or "not now" and that's actually ok with her in the present. And I think moxy is self-possessed enough that she will extricate herself if she's no longer ok with the state of affairs. Or, if she isn't right now, I think she will be, eventually.

But some women will say that exact same thing, but they're lying because they think that if I sleep with this guy long enough, he'll eventually fall in love with me. They can't extricate themselves, either.


----------



## RandomDude

Damn, thought I was just about to get a license to kill 

But mmmkay...


----------



## moxy

Hmm. Good sex has a way of making a person happy for many days afterwards. I woke up this morning smiling, which is not something I expected to happen, given what has been going on in my life, lately. I'm sure that all the other feelings are hanging out just beneath this and I'll feel them again shortly, but today I want to savor this feeling.


----------



## FeministInPink

Now I'm thinking I need some sex.

Thanks, moxy :/


----------



## moxy

FIP, a good vibrator and some memories can sometimes do the trick, too.  That often works for me.


----------



## RandomDude

:|


----------



## hope4family

Sorry for my firmness of opinion. But a woman is irreplaceable.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> Sorry for my firmness of opinion. But a woman is irreplaceable.


Did I miss something???

I have never been lucky enough to have someone feel that way about me


----------



## hope4family

Well we are a few oceans apart so it would be hard.....


----------



## FeministInPink

Don't mind me, I'm just having a pity party for myself at the moment. Seeing a lot of friends on Facebook getting married, and it just made me think how, aside from my ex-husband, no man has every bothered to date me long enough to really get to know me. My friends insist that I am very loveable, but no one really seems interested in knowing me or loving me. And people have asked me if I want to get married again, and I'm beginning to think that whether or not I WANT to get married again is a moot point, because I don't think that I'll get the opportunity.

But back to the issue at hand, I'm wondering why you're apologizing for firmness of opinion? I didn't see anything to apologize about, unless some posts were deleted before I read them...


----------



## moxy

FIP, there must be something in the air. I feel that way, too.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Don't mind me, I'm just having a pity party for myself at the moment. Seeing a lot of friends on Facebook getting married, and it just made me think how, aside from my ex-husband, no man has every bothered to date me long enough to really get to know me. My friends insist that I am very loveable, but no one really seems interested in knowing me or loving me. And people have asked me if I want to get married again, and I'm beginning to think that whether or not I WANT to get married again is a moot point, because I don't think that I'll get the opportunity.
> 
> But back to the issue at hand, I'm wondering why you're apologizing for firmness of opinion? I didn't see anything to apologize about, unless some posts were deleted before I read them...


To be fair. The "firmness" of my opinion had a lot to do with the comments of how having a woman as a sexual partner in life beats anything that could be offered to the contrary. A double entandre (SP) as it were. 

I am sorry that you feel the way you do. Last week, I cuddled with two different women, but didn't take it any further because I just didn't feel like I was anything but accepted by them. "Tolerated cuddling" if you will. It has lead me to believe that I am worse off then I imagine.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> To be fair. The "firmness" of my opinion had a lot to do with the comments of how having a woman as a sexual partner in life beats anything that could be offered to the contrary. A double entandre (SP) as it were.
> 
> I am sorry that you feel the way you do. Last week, I cuddled with two different women, but didn't take it any further because I just didn't feel like I was anything but accepted by them. "Tolerated cuddling" if you will. It has lead me to believe that I am worse off then I imagine.


Ah, I see 

Honestly, I think I'm feeling this way because I'm stressed and overwhelmed with the move and the sorting and the packing, which I'm trying to fit in between a full-time job and nightly rehearsals for this show. I don't have the space to process the emotional separation of leaving the place I've called home for the last 9 years, most of that time with my ex-husband. And my cats, who have both passed away now. This is a really big change, and I'm having a hard time handling it. I really need to cry and have someone cuddle me (and maybe fvck me, too, we could cuddle after). And I'm feeling lonely. And I don't have the TIME to work on rectifying this, because I have too much fvcking sh!t to do. 

I'm just... I'm overwhelmed, and it would be really nice to have a partner to lean on in a time like this.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Ah, I see
> 
> Honestly, I think I'm feeling this way because I'm stressed and overwhelmed with the move and the sorting and the packing, which I'm trying to fit in between a full-time job and nightly rehearsals for this show. I don't have the space to process the emotional separation of leaving the place I've called home for the last 9 years, most of that time with my ex-husband. And my cats, who have both passed away now. This is a really big change, and I'm having a hard time handling it. I really need to cry and have someone cuddle me (and maybe fvck me, too, we could cuddle after). And I'm feeling lonely. And I don't have the TIME to work on rectifying this, because I have too much fvcking sh!t to do.
> 
> I'm just... I'm overwhelmed, and it would be really nice to have a partner to lean on in a time like this.


A woman who doesn't mind making love or "getting it on" when stressed? You must be a unicorn.


----------



## Lifescript

Sorry you are feeling this way ladies. 

Add me to the list. 

This past weekend was a very tough one. Had not felt like that in a very long time. Felt angry/lonely/hurt. 

So many feelings and I really feel like I can't express it other than in writing. I keep a journal. I don't really know what caused it other than seeing friends on FB having a good time with their family. Not jealous but just miss having a family. 

It pissed me a lot when I see guys who have cheated on their wives and you see the wives posting how much they love them on FB and stuff like that. My guess is they are following a counselors advice and taking initiative in showing love. 

I thought a lot about the girl I went out with. The one that went back to the bf. Fvck!!! How did I develop feelings for her so quickly. I don't think about her so much but the loneliness this weekend brought back memories of happy moments we had. Almost texted her but thank God I was strong and didn't do it. 

I don't know guys ... sometimes I feel like good folks just get screwed around. I feel a pull sometimes to be bad but of course that's not me. Just tired of ending with the short end of the stick. 

In my journal I wrote a ton of times "who loved me?" "Who loved me?" "Who loved me?" 

Seems like all the women in my life have ended up betraying me. 

I actually have 2 women in my orbit and I was supposed to hit them up for dates but I just didn't feel like doing anything. I wanted to be alone. I hate it when I'm like that. 

Anyway ... feeling better today. 

Just have a lot on my mind. 

Oh ... also. My ex introduced her bf Marcus to my son. He says Marcus is cool and asked if I want to talk to Marcus. 

Yikes!


----------



## TooNice

Oh, if only we could all just gather together for one big social/therapy support session. Sounds like we could all use it. I've got stuff here, too... No time for details, but just a lot on my plate at once emotionally. And I agree... Someone to just hold me and do whatever needs to be done to make me forget about it all for five minutes would be...amazing. 

Love to all.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> A woman who doesn't mind making love or "getting it on" when stressed? You must be a unicorn.


Really, yes! It's the best stress reliever EVER.

To the best of my recollection, I have only turned down sex 3 times: 1) When my XH tried to initiate after having just finished a workout and he hadn't bathed in three days. He stank so bad that I gagged when he came close to me. I told him we could have sex if he took a shower first, and he refused. So I'm not sure if that counts; 2) When my XH tried to initiate at 1 am after ignoring my advances all day, and I had to be up 2 hours earlier than normal the next day for a work event (which he knew about); and 3) When he tried to initiate on our 5th wedding anniversary, only a week after D-Day, and I realized that everything I said had gone in one ear and out the other, and I had to do D-Day ALL OVER AGAIN. I have never said NO to sex because of stress, headache, or being too tired, and I never will.

And yes, I AM a unicorn, in more ways than one. And despite this fact, I am still single.

This is why I am frustrated.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Sorry you are feeling this way ladies.
> 
> Add me to the list.
> 
> This past weekend was a very tough one. Had not felt like that in a very long time. Felt angry/lonely/hurt.
> 
> So many feelings and I really feel like I can't express it other than in writing. I keep a journal. I don't really know what caused it other than seeing friends on FB having a good time with their family. Not jealous but just miss having a family.
> 
> It pissed me a lot when I see guys who have cheated on their wives and you see the wives posting how much they love them on FB and stuff like that. My guess is they are following a counselors advice and taking initiative in showing love.
> 
> I thought a lot about the girl I went out with. The one that went back to the bf. Fvck!!! How did I develop feelings for her so quickly. I don't think about her so much but the loneliness this weekend brought back memories of happy moments we had. Almost texted her but thank God I was strong and didn't do it.
> 
> I don't know guys ... sometimes I feel like good folks just get screwed around. I feel a pull sometimes to be bad but of course that's not me. Just tired of ending with the short end of the stick.
> 
> In my journal I wrote a ton of times *"who loved me?" "Who loved me?" "Who loved me?"
> 
> Seems like all the women in my life have ended up betraying me. *
> 
> I actually have 2 women in my orbit and I was supposed to hit them up for dates but I just didn't feel like doing anything. I wanted to be alone. I hate it when I'm like that.
> 
> Anyway ... feeling better today.
> 
> Just have a lot on my mind.
> 
> Oh ... also. My ex introduced her bf Marcus to my son. He says Marcus is cool and asked if I want to talk to Marcus.
> 
> Yikes!


I feel like this. Anyone I open up to, they take my heart and stomp on it.

Someone I know commented on how he could tell that I was really selective with people, and rarely let anyone close. This is why. I'm tired of being stomped on.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Really, yes! It's the best stress reliever EVER.
> 
> To the best of my recollection, I have only turned down sex 3 times: 1) When my XH tried to initiate after having just finished a workout and he hadn't bathed in three days. He stank so bad that I gagged when he came close to me. I told him we could have sex if he took a shower first, and he refused. So I'm not sure if that counts; 2) When my XH tried to initiate at 1 am after ignoring my advances all day, and I had to be up 2 hours earlier than normal the next day for a work event (which he knew about); and 3) When he tried to initiate on our 5th wedding anniversary, only a week after D-Day, and I realized that everything I said had gone in one ear and out the other, and I had to do D-Day ALL OVER AGAIN. I have never said NO to sex because of stress, headache, or being too tired, and I never will.
> 
> And yes, I AM a unicorn, in more ways than one. And despite this fact, I am still single.
> 
> This is why I am frustrated.


I feel the frustration. Empathize completely with you. How long before the move and where too?


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> I feel the frustration. Empathize completely with you. How long before the move and where too?


I have 3 weeks--I'm planning on moving Sept 8. I'm not moving far, just across the river, out of DC and into northern VA. 

The challenge/hard part is that I am downsizing. Moving into a bedroom in a house-share situation. (I currently live in a HUGE 1-bedroom with a den.) So parting with my stuff is hard... and I'm a bad procrastinator, which doesn't help. I basically have 3 weekends to pack, because I have rehearsal almost every night between now and then. And the 29th/30th is messed up because of this Renaissance Festival promo performance I have to do, which means 2 extra rehearsals, and a big chunk of time on that weekend.

Luckily, my sister had the idea to come down on the 30th and take most of what I want to sell back to her place, and she's going to have a yard sale and sell all my stuff with her stuff, so I don't have to worry about it. Which is a HUGE help. But I still have to pack up all those boxes, too. And I still need to manage selling the big stuff.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> I have 3 weeks--I'm planning on moving Sept 8. I'm not moving far, just across the river, out of DC and into northern VA.
> 
> The challenge/hard part is that I am downsizing. Moving into a bedroom in a house-share situation. (I currently live in a HUGE 1-bedroom with a den.) So parting with my stuff is hard... and I'm a bad procrastinator, which doesn't help. I basically have 3 weekends to pack, because I have rehearsal almost every night between now and then. And the 29th/30th is messed up because of this Renaissance Festival promo performance I have to do, which means 2 extra rehearsals, and a big chunk of time on that weekend.
> 
> Luckily, my sister had the idea to come down on the 30th and take most of what I want to sell back to her place, and she's going to have a yard sale and sell all my stuff with her stuff, so I don't have to worry about it. Which is a HUGE help. But I still have to pack up all those boxes, too. And I still need to manage selling the big stuff.


Once you are done, and all that stuff sells. I hope it's enough to buy a plane ticket somewhere to relax. 

I know what you mean by downsize, crosssize, backsize, and upsize all at the same time. I had to move 2x in a month due to moving into a bad situation. Pity because I really liked where I was moving. But such is life. 

I think Northern V could suit you well. If anything maybe you can find yourself a nice strong hunk of a man and re-settle back down after a while.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> Once you are done, and all that stuff sells. I hope it's enough to buy a plane ticket somewhere to relax.
> 
> I know what you mean by downsize, crosssize, backsize, and upsize all at the same time. I had to move 2x in a month due to moving into a bad situation. Pity because I really liked where I was moving. But such is life.
> 
> I think Northern V could suit you well. If anything maybe you can find yourself a nice strong hunk of a man and re-settle back down after a while.


Oh, and did I mention that I've also applied for a new job???

Selling the stuff might not pay for a plane ticket, but the $$$ I'm saving on rent will. And if I get the new job (a lateral move in the same org), then I'll actually be able to take some time for a vacation. I'd like to use my vacation share and go back to Cancun in January. New Year's Eve in Mexico would be nice. I won't be able to do that in my current job.

I think NOVA will be a good move for me, too. It's cutting the final cord connecting me to my old life. So it's a little scary.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> I feel like this. Anyone I open up to, they take my heart and stomp on it.
> 
> Someone I know commented on how he could tell that I was really selective with people, and rarely let anyone close. This is why. I'm tired of being stomped on.


This is my mentality now. I don't want to close up. I want to dare and take risks but I'm tired of opening up and paying the price.


----------



## RandomDude

Hell my problem is that no single woman seems to be on the same wavelength as me, so we can't share in our insanity 

No insanity no love! But meh, going to let it happen if it happens, otherwise I decided to be content with single daddyhood!


----------



## vi_bride04

IMO, You have to love and enjoy yourself and being alone and feel 110% complete and happy in that state. And I mean be seriously happy with it. 

Wishing or wanting a relationship or feeling something is missing in life b/c you don't have a partner or family will make your person picker less picky. Sure everyone gets lonely at times, but without being 110% truly happy with just yourself being alone, it's going to be hard to find a decent partner.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

vi_bride04 said:


> IMO, You have to love and enjoy yourself and being alone and feel 110% complete and happy in that state. And I mean be seriously happy with it.
> 
> Wishing or wanting a relationship or feeling something is missing in life b/c you don't have a partner or family will make your person picker less picky. Sure everyone gets lonely at times, but without being 110% truly happy with just yourself being alone, it's going to be hard to find a decent partner.


I think this is so true! 

I have to admit, though, that I do kind-of worry that the closer you get to that 110% happy, the further away you get from actually being able to function properly in a relationship, or even wanting one at all!

I feel close to 110% happy being alone right now (admittedly, a lot of that is "relief") and have no desire for a relationship. Attention from a man? Yes (Dangerous: will be on the docket for my next therapy session). But, actually investing any time and emotional energy into a relationship? Not at all. 

It's something I eventually want to WANT, but what if I get so content with just being by myself in my nice neat and tidy existence that I can't even commit to that again? 

I think I think too much.


----------



## TooNice

Sorry so many folks here have been in a funk. But it seems like there are some really great things happening, too, so yay for that!  

My personal funk has had much to do with me shifting back through the stages of grief to anger. Anger at my ex that he and the OW are living their little family life together now. Their life with my children, my in-laws... and none of them knows what tools my ex and the OW are. Yet I am the one rebuilding and starting over, with my son as the sole tie I have to what was once a large and wonderful loving family. It's the only thing I am hanging onto in the healing process, and I am anxious to find a way to let it go. 

In therapy today, I was told there is nothing I can do. I need to sit with it, feel it, let it be there, and give it more time to pass. Meh.

In other news, I have made the much needed (and stupidly obvious) realization that I am nowhere near ready for anything that resembles a serious relationship. While exploring the negative residual energy I have with the ex, I found myself facing a potentially serious dating situation with a man I knew in high school. And it terrified me. We talked very openly about it, and I was clear that among other things, I am afraid of children after being brutally hurt by my sd. But more than anything, I realized that I think I LIKE dating. I like the variety, the freedom... and I don't think I am ready to give that up. We have a date set for Saturday, and we will continue to see what happens, but I am being firm with him that I don't want to be serious. I still need time and space to continue healing. Despite my funk, I am glad to be recognizing that. 

To top things off, I am close to the one-year anniversary of moving out, Thursday is the six month anniversary of my divorce, and my ex is driving my son back to college. 

So there's my tale. Been busy as heck with work, too. While I haven't been very active here, I have been following the thread, and sending good thoughts to all!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TooNice said:


> Sorry so many folks here have been in a funk. But it seems like there are some really great things happening, too, so yay for that!
> 
> My personal funk has had much to do with me shifting back through the stages of grief to anger. Anger at my ex that he and the OW are living their little family life together now. Their life with my children, my in-laws... and none of them knows what tools my ex and the OW are. Yet I am the one rebuilding and starting over, with my son as the sole tie I have to what was once a large and wonderful loving family. It's the only thing I am hanging onto in the healing process, and I am anxious to find a way to let it go.
> 
> In therapy today, I was told there is nothing I can do. I need to sit with it, feel it, let it be there, and give it more time to pass. Meh.
> 
> In other news, I have made the much needed (and stupidly obvious) realization that I am nowhere near ready for anything that resembles a serious relationship. While exploring the negative residual energy I have with the ex, I found myself facing a potentially serious dating situation with a man I knew in high school. And it terrified me. We talked very openly about it, and I was clear that among other things, I am afraid of children after being brutally hurt by my sd. But more than anything, I realized that I think I LIKE dating. I like the variety, the freedom... and I don't think I am ready to give that up. We have a date set for Saturday, and we will continue to see what happens, but I am being firm with him that I don't want to be serious. I still need time and space to continue healing. Despite my funk, I am glad to be recognizing that.
> 
> To top things off, I am close to the one-year anniversary of moving out, Thursday is the six month anniversary of my divorce, and my ex is driving my son back to college.
> 
> So there's my tale. Been busy as heck with work, too. While I haven't been very active here, I have been following the thread, and sending good thoughts to all!


It's healthy that you know EXACTLY where you stand!


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> IMO, You have to love and enjoy yourself and being alone and feel 110% complete and happy in that state. And I mean be seriously happy with it.
> 
> Wishing or wanting a relationship or feeling something is missing in life b/c you don't have a partner or family will make your person picker less picky. Sure everyone gets lonely at times, but without being 110% truly happy with just yourself being alone, it's going to be hard to find a decent partner.


Most of the time, I feel that way, happy with my life. But every once in a while, I will get in a funk--usually due to high stress, when I'm so busy that I don't have the opportunity to go out, have fun, and let off some steam. Like right now.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Most of the time, I feel that way, happy with my life. But every once in a while, I will get in a funk--usually due to high stress, when I'm so busy that I don't have the opportunity to go out, have fun, and let off some steam. Like right now.


I can totally relate to this. I have an amazing job, but I have 8 weeks of the year that are super high stress... not having down time makes everything else seem out of control, even if it's not.


----------



## FeministInPink

FeministInPink said:


> Most of the time, I feel that way, happy with my life. But every once in a while, I will get in a funk--usually due to high stress, when I'm so busy that I don't have the opportunity to go out, have fun, and let off some steam. Like right now.


I was right, it was just a funk. I'm feeling much better today, after a good night's sleep and after I thought through some stuff and how I'm going to manage all of this.

I'm still stressed as sh!t, but I'll be OK.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Most of the time, I feel that way, happy with my life. But every once in a while, I will get in a funk--usually due to high stress, when I'm so busy that I don't have the opportunity to go out, have fun, and let off some steam. Like right now.


Recognize it's stress making you feel this way and not b/c you don't have a romantic partner. The more you recognize it (like you are) the more default your thinking will be on how to relieve the stress vs feeling lonely and not having anyone to lean on.

You got yourself, girl! Thats more than enough in life


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Recognize it's stress making you feel this way and not b/c you don't have a romantic partner. The more you recognize it (like you are) the more default your thinking will be on how to relieve the stress vs feeling lonely and not having anyone to lean on.
> 
> You got yourself, girl! Thats more than enough in life


I'm working on it. I'm a work in progress 

After the move, and the show is finished, things will be better. Less stressful. I've been really stressed about money for a long time, and the move into the less-expensive space will really help with that, and I'm looking at a few other things/side gigs to help shore up my financial security.

As much as I have enjoyed doing this show, I don't think that I'll be doing another any time soon. The time commitment is so great that I don't have time for anything else--and that's just for an ensemble role. I've had no time for a social life, and no time or energy for other activities, since I started rehearsals in June. I'm not sure that the emotional reward/payout is worth what I've been putting into it. I don't think I love this as much as I used to--but I'm also beginning to think the reason that I pursued theater when I was younger wasn't necessarily to make ME happy or to bring ME joy. I think I pursued it because a) my mom kind of pushed me into it, and b) I thought it would make my mom proud, get her attention and get her to show me some love. 

I think I would rather invest my time and (creative) energies elsewhere.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> Once you are done, and all that stuff sells. I hope it's enough to buy a plane ticket somewhere to relax.


I have just booked my movers. Forget buying a plane ticket. I'll be lucky if I make enough money to pay for the movers.

I'm moving the equivalent of a studio apartment, and it will probably cost me $500! How much does it cost to move an entire house?!?


----------



## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I have just booked my movers. Forget buying a plane ticket. I'll be lucky if I make enough money to pay for the movers.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm moving the equivalent of a studio apartment, and it will probably cost me $500! How much does it cost to move an entire house?!?



Depends where you live... You don't even want to know the price here. And, that is even if one stays on island. Neighbor islands or the mainland, "forget about it".


----------



## FeministInPink

Ikaika said:


> Depends where you live... You don't even want to know the price here. And, that is even if one stays on island. Neighbor islands or the mainland, "forget about it".


I have heard stories! I have a friend whose husband was transferred to/stationed in Hawaii. Luckily, the Army paid for their move... but she told me how much it would have cost. For the 2 years they were there, it would have been cheaper to put all their stuff in storage, pack a couple suitcases, and rent a furnished place.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised... everything is crazy expensive in DC, so of COURSE movers are more expensive than they might be elsewhere. :|


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> I have just booked my movers. Forget buying a plane ticket. I'll be lucky if I make enough money to pay for the movers.
> 
> I'm moving the equivalent of a studio apartment, and it will probably cost me $500! How much does it cost to move an entire house?!?


Oh man don't tell me that. I will be bankrupt when I go to move because I got special equipment too!!!!!!!!!!! 

Crazy though, what's sad, is you probably got a good or middle of the road deal.


----------



## ne9907

Hi all!
My father passed away about a month ago. Even though I was never close to him, his passing left an immeasurable hole in my spirit. I feel the sadness is nurturing my soul and am channeling this pure anguish to heal myself. I get sad and cry a lot but even this grief is welcomed. 
Although I miss him terribly, I am in a good place. I look forward to life, I am in a very good place (perhaps not emotionally) but I am happy with my life as a single woman. 
I feel as if the universe has something quite extraordinary reserved for me. I feel this in my bones. 
Stay wonderful friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Hi all!
> My father passed away about a month ago. Even though I was never close to him, his passing left an immeasurable hole in my spirit. I feel the sadness is nurturing my soul and am channeling this pure anguish to heal myself. I get sad and cry a lot but even this grief is welcomed.
> Although I miss him terribly, I am in a good place. I look forward to life, I am in a very good place (perhaps not emotionally) but I am happy with my life as a single woman.
> I feel as if the universe has something quite extraordinary reserved for me. I feel this in my bones.
> Stay wonderful friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry for your loss, ne. Whether we are close to them or not, the death of a parent touches us in ways we never expect. I am so very happy that you are in a good place, though, and dealing with life in such a positive way.

I am sorry that so many here have experienced that same kind of loss recently. There is a remarkable scene early on in Grey's Anatomy, when George's father passes away. Today would have been my dad's 73rd birthday. He's been gone for 17 years, and this scene still resonates with me: 
https://youtu.be/Ub21sp-zru0


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> Oh man don't tell me that. I will be bankrupt when I go to move because I got special equipment too!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Crazy though, what's sad, is you probably got a good or middle of the road deal.


I did get a cheaper (hourly) quote from another company, but that company's reviews were really awful. Things like they were late, showed up with extra people which jacked up the final cost, purposely did things slowly so they could charge more, lost stuff, threw stuff away. That sort of thing.

The company I booked had nothing but glowing reviews, and customers with similar size/distance moves reported really fast moves/services.

I just had the feeling that if I went with the first company, I was going to end up paying about the same in $$, but also paying more in terms of time and frustration. I am feeling very good about my choice.

And honestly... not having to move my own sh!t? Totally worth it. This will be the first time that I've used movers. Every other move was me and a ragtag group of people, usually family and my now-ex, and sometimes friends. No one who is really an expert at moving and packing a truck, so trying to figure out HOW to pack the truck is always a challenge. And friends' help with moving has always been unreliable. (The last move, a friend told me she would bring two male friends to help, and promised she would be on time. She showed up 2 hrs late, alone. We had to call two guys my XH knew and pay them each $100 to help so we could get it done. She and I aren't friends anymore, for other reasons. Another story for another time.) You have to rent the truck, go get the truck, drive the truck, and return the truck. The whole process takes FOREVER, and by the time it's over, you're too exhausted and dirty and sweaty to start unpacking.

So, I am looking forward to letting the professionals do it, and do it quickly, to make this as fast and painless as possible


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Hi all!
> My father passed away about a month ago. Even though I was never close to him, his passing left an immeasurable hole in my spirit. I feel the sadness is nurturing my soul and am channeling this pure anguish to heal myself. I get sad and cry a lot but even this grief is welcomed.
> Although I miss him terribly, I am in a good place. I look forward to life, I am in a very good place (perhaps not emotionally) but I am happy with my life as a single woman.
> I feel as if the universe has something quite extraordinary reserved for me. I feel this in my bones.
> Stay wonderful friends.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am so sorry, Ne. Take care of yourself. *hugs*


----------



## tripad

Hi all. Add me to the stressed n lonely n over worked with no one to cuddle list , except my sons . While my ex continue to try to cheat me of my money n assets in.court fight .


----------



## vi_bride04

I was doing good.... Until the last meeting I was in. Add me to the stressed list. I'm almost done with a bottle of wine. Gonna dance and clean or something to get my mind on something else. 

Just got back from an amazing 10 day vacation and my workload broke the camel's back today... Bah...I don't like the direction my company is headed


----------



## FeministInPink

AAANNNNNDDDDDD... just found out that the parking permit for the moving truck is going to be $55. Ugh. 

At least I was able to get all my moving boxes for free.


----------



## moxy

Ne, sorry for what you're going through. It hurts like nothing else ever will, to lose a parent, and a bunch of us on TAM seem to be going through that grief these days. Keep a journal; it helps. Take care of yourself.


----------



## tripad

Ha if we are in same area we could all meet n have some fun.........!!!!!!!

It's really lonely to be divorced and see all your usual friends with their families n you can't get much company from them .


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> AAANNNNNDDDDDD... just found out that the parking permit for the moving truck is going to be $55. Ugh.
> 
> At least I was able to get all my moving boxes for free.


Hang in there you are almost at the finish line. 

I am definitely hiring people to handle my next move. I have storage bins from my last move. I moved my son and me whole life with just one other person last time. It was rough.


----------



## hope4family

tripad > I have been there, well, as a man with a son. No bueno, no bueno at all.


----------



## tripad

Hope4family

Me as a woman with 2 boys plus an ex fighting over the home n support money . An ass who makes my sons worry if i lose the case , what roof do i have over our heads . Told them i got all things covered .


----------



## tripad

Oh oh oh that is after he ripped my savings begging me to settle his debts n promised to be good hubby n dad . 

As*hole

Thank god i have income


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ne, I am so sorry for your loss, I know where you are coming from. 

FIP...having movers is SO SO SO worth the money!

In sharing with the angst of others, here is a rundown of my upheaved life over the last 10-11 months. 

October 2014
My sister had surgery, total hysterectomy. 
Stepfather diagnosed with lung cancer that spread to the brain as well. 

November 2014
Stepdad started chemotherapy. 

December 2014
Daughter finished high school early. 
Boyfriend broke up with me. 
My mother passed away unexpectedly just days before Christmas. 

Jan- April 2015
Stepfather in and out of rehab center, continuing chemo and trying to live on his own. 
Daughter's dad loses his job. 

May 2015
Found out in May that my job was laying me off in July.
Begin job search.
Stepfather goes into hospital and passes away on the 22nd.
Daughter has official graduation from high school on the 30th. 
Sister and BIL move, closer to me, but selling the house they have lived in for 18 years. 
Take in my parents' dog. 

June 2015
Same week as big grad party (read stressful!) for daughter, my sister goes in for emergency surgery to have her appendix removed.
Job searching, found new job before July layoff. 
Last day on job was the 30th. 

July 2015
Start new job on the 6th. 
Begin clearing stuff from my parents' house.
Daughter is freaking out about starting college. 
XH loses unemployment so no more support for now. 
Discover leaks in basement and roof from all that damn rain. 

August 2015
Daughter started college and this is actually going well so far. 

During all of this I have become best friends with the ex BF (see December, lol) who I am still in love with, and who so far still does not want to be in any relationship with anyone. This has been really hard on me, but I am waiting for my heart to tell me when it's done. The only thing that has stayed the same in my life is that I still have my house!


----------



## Lifescript

I'm sorry for your loss ne. Keep your head up.


----------



## tripad

NE 

3xnocharm

Hugs n kisses


----------



## TooNice

Hugs sent your way too, 3x...


----------



## evolver

HI all! I'm feeling beat down and just venting, I guess. Tonight marks the end of my first post-divorce relationship. I was married for 7 years, trying to heal for one year, then with this cute, younger woman for 10 months. I kinda knew it wasn't to be, right from the start, but I thought it would be good practice/experience and who knows. I'm trying to become a student of love. That makes it sound like I wasn't attracted to her. I was, but I didn't think I could stand to be hurt so bad again. I tried to keep my heart guarded and use the knowledge I gained here, and through studying, to see if I could do things differently this time. 

I guess I'm not as good at keeping guarded as I thought. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but I know this hurts. Not like the divorce. I'm glad it didn't take 7 years to break this time, and it was a very congenial split. Even though I expected it, and wrestled with ending it myself, I'm feeling the pain tonight, and wonder how I'm gonna put myself out there again... Questioning if I even want to. I'll probably feel differently in the morning, but tonight... Blah. This sucks.


----------



## FeministInPink

Getting back into dating after divorce--and the first break up--is a total mindfvck. I used to have game, back in the day, back before I got married. Back in college, the other girls (and the gay guys) were kind of in awe... I was a little bit of a legend, to tell the truth. Post-divorce, I don't have a fvcking clue. I feel like I'm 14 again. I have no idea what I'm doing. We're all students of dating again, and every date, every relationship, is a learning experience.

Even though you expected it, even though you knew it wasn't a good fit, it still hurt because it was an ending. It felt good to have someone into you, right? And now that's gone. So it hurts. But don't worry. There will be someone else, and hopefully the next someone will be a better fit for you.


----------



## Lifescript

evolver said:


> HI all! I'm feeling beat down and just venting, I guess. Tonight marks the end of my first post-divorce relationship. I was married for 7 years, trying to heal for one year, then with this cute, younger woman for 10 months. I kinda knew it wasn't to be, right from the start, but I thought it would be good practice/experience and who knows. I'm trying to become a student of love. That makes it sound like I wasn't attracted to her. I was, but I didn't think I could stand to be hurt so bad again. I tried to keep my heart guarded and use the knowledge I gained here, and through studying, to see if I could do things differently this time.
> 
> I guess I'm not as good at keeping guarded as I thought. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but I know this hurts. Not like the divorce. I'm glad it didn't take 7 years to break this time, and it was a very congenial split. Even though I expected it, and wrestled with ending it myself, I'm feeling the pain tonight, and wonder how I'm gonna put myself out there again... Questioning if I even want to. I'll probably feel differently in the morning, but tonight... Blah. This sucks.


I went through something similar.

Thought I could play the game, get the dating experience which I really need more of. But being with her made me feel so good that I fell. I didn't realize it until it was over. Still think of her. 

What I realized is that I can't do what the so called players do ... be with multiple women without any attachment. If I like a woman and spend enough time with her, have fun, she reciprocates, I'll develop feelings. 

It will suck for a while. Surround yourself with friends, do stuff outside the home. Keep yourself busy. Take the lessons you learned and try again when you feel ready. 

What was the cause of the split?


----------



## unsure78

So been having some bumps in my serious relationship recently. We have been together well over a year. Looking to move in together end of 2015. Kids have been introduced and have been working on slowing bringing them together in the last 6 months. 

In the last few months the easy going fun appreciative guy I had been dating has been replaced by a guy with super high expectations on myself and my son. Mostly in regard to what we say or what we do. ie. my kid says to his kid "you stink" or I didn't have a plan of how pack items in a car before I packed it, when i was just trying to be helpful. These are things that I feel are small or normal things, he takes to heart or gets overly worked up about. When we do not live up to his expectations, hes gets quiet or almost pouty and allows it to taint or ruin the rest of the day often. Unfortunately, being the former recovering co-dependent I am am sensitive sensing to a partners moods and still want to please.

However, I do not want to live my life walking on eggshells over what I say or my kid says. Been there done that don't want to live it again. At this point im starting to suspect that this is truly why his exw asked for a D. We have talked several times at length about this and he says hes trying to lower his expectations and is working on it. 

I guess im just not sure what else to do at this point. 

suggestions or commentary please....


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> So been having some bumps in my serious relationship recently. We have been together well over a year. Looking to move in together end of 2015. Kids have been introduced and have been working on slowing bringing them together in the last 6 months.
> 
> In the last few months the easy going fun appreciative guy I had been dating has been replaced by a guy with super high expectations on myself and my son. Mostly in regard to what we say or what we do. ie. my kid says to his kid "you stink" or I didn't have a plan of how pack items in a car before I packed it, when i was just trying to be helpful. These are things that I feel are small or normal things, he takes to heart or gets overly worked up about. When we do not live up to his expectations, hes gets quiet or almost pouty and allows it to taint or ruin the rest of the day often. Unfortunately, being the former recovering co-dependent I am am sensitive sensing to a partners moods and still want to please.
> 
> However, I do not want to live my life walking on eggshells over what I say or my kid says. Been there done that don't want to live it again. At this point im starting to suspect that this is truly why his exw asked for a D. We have talked several times at length about this and he says hes trying to lower his expectations and is working on it.
> 
> I guess im just not sure what else to do at this point.
> 
> suggestions or commentary please....



Wow, a bit uptight is he? He would be shocked being around my sons. If he is working on it, that's fine. You also don't want to be keeping a score card on his progress, that would be too much work. 

It seems that you want to take future steps carefully. You have invested this amount of time, but you also want to consider just how much you can write off and how much will cause major friction between the two of you. 

Another thing to consider, I have found sometimes it's the little things that bring to light big issues. It may very well be that he is annoyed by the small things because there is some larger issue he is not ready to address. I may be wrong, but that has been my experience. I would try to carefully uncork that bottle. 

I wish you the best 

Malama pono


----------



## Lifescript

Unsure, 

Didn't like the part where he let's that ruin the rest of the day. I spent too many days trying to make up, apologize for stupid small things that my ex made into big deals. That's a huge red flag right there. 

When you guys talk do you sense that he's still happy/anticipating you guys moving together or has that changed? 

All you can do is communicate to him how you don't like his behavior and you are not ok with it. Also, stop all codependent behavior that may encourage him to keep acting this way. 

Hope things turn around.


----------



## unsure78

Thanks Ikaika... i think you may be right that he has bigger issues underneath the surface that we are starting to tap into. I have been sticking with it so far because he has been open to discussion and said he is trying to work thru it. At the end of the day though actions will speak louder than words, but I haven't determined what my timing is on the end of the day yet.

Yea Script I dont like that its turning into the day being ruined by one small thing. I told him last night that I dont want to have to sit there and try to be positive and try to cheer him up over every little apparent transgression.

Right now we have both agreed that if we are not ready for us to move in together it wont happen. I think if we have a good day together then hes looking forward to moving in. If we have a "bad" day together he is not.


----------



## FeministInPink

@unsure78--do NOT move in with this guy until he works this sh!t out. If you think this is why he got divorced... it might only get worse. He needs to work on this--and the bigger issues that are underneath the surface--before you consider moving in with him. I think end of 2015 is too soon. I don't think you want to put your kid into that situation, do you?

This whole thing would make ME really nervous.


----------



## Lifescript

Well ... it's good this is happening now and not after the move. Gives you time to rethink things and to observe his actions. 

Relationships are so freakin complicated. 

I hope things turn out good for you unsure.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Thanks Ikaika... i think you may be right that he has bigger issues underneath the surface that we are starting to tap into. I have been sticking with it so far because he has been open to discussion and said he is trying to work thru it. At the end of the day though actions will speak louder than words, but I haven't determined what my timing is on the end of the day yet.
> 
> Yea Script I dont like that its turning into the day being ruined by one small thing. I told him last night that *I dont want to have to sit there and try to be positive and try to cheer him up over every little apparent transgression.*
> 
> Right now we have both agreed that if we are not ready for us to move in together it wont happen. I think if we have a good day together then hes looking forward to moving in. If we have a "bad" day together he is not.


And... how long before he gets passive aggressive and starts punishing you for transgressions you don't even KNOW you've committed?

I do not have a good feeling about this. At all.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> And... how long before he gets passive aggressive and starts punishing you for transgressions you don't even KNOW you've committed?
> 
> I do not have a good feeling about this. At all.



I agree with you FIP that these items have worried me...

and my kid comes first for sure, I dont want him moving in unless everyone is on the same page.


LOL yea Script, I finally feel like i mastered dating (kinda) and now its a whole new level of difficulty. Relationships are hard at times.


----------



## FeministInPink

@unsure78 -- are you his first relationship post-divorce? How long has he been divorced?


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> @unsure78 -- are you his first relationship post-divorce? How long has he been divorced?


Hes been divorced for over a year and a half, but was separated 3 years before that ( full separation not living together). He had a few one night stands during separation and a short relationship before me ( maybe 3 months) but im his first major relationship post D.


----------



## moxy

Unsure, those kinds of passive aggressive behaviors are just going to get worse. He sounds a little controlling, but not in an aggressive way. I think he doesn't really understand the dynamic from your perspective, and that is why you guys keep having a talk about the issue. Would it be possible to ale him to a couples counselor just to discuss this one issue? Or, could you try a different approach to letting him know how and why this unfair criticism is hurting you and your son? Maybe if he understands the problem, it will be possible to address it effectively.


----------



## 2&out

I'm not stressed much. I used to be - wanting more and worrying. More $ and respect at work, deeper relationships, fussing about clean house, etc. Decided to change my thinking - and count my blessings and appreciate what I have first and often. My other wants kind of melted away. I stopped looking for love as I realized it's not really as much of a priority to me as I was telling myself. I'm happy being single as I like not answering or explaining anything to anyone unless I feel like it. I don't need or especially want anyones approval except my kids. I'm relaxed, healthier, and happier. Kind of weird thing has happened along the way - I seem to get as much or more sex now than I did when married. And it's fun sex - spontaneous, and exciting. I'm a booty call for a single Mom. Just got a great new different offer/deal - take a kid I'd be passing by anyway to school each morning and get regular BJ payment as convenient. Didn't ask - was offered. Now I'll *really* be content ! lol

Don't worry - be happy people !  Count your blessings !!`


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Unsure, those kinds of passive aggressive behaviors are just going to get worse. He sounds a little controlling, but not in an aggressive way. I think he doesn't really understand the dynamic from your perspective, and that is why you guys keep having a talk about the issue. Would it be possible to ale him to a couples counselor just to discuss this one issue? Or, could you try a different approach to letting him know how and why this unfair criticism is hurting you and your son? Maybe if he understands the problem, it will be possible to address it effectively.


He would be willing to do counseling. That may be my next move.

Thanks Moxy


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> And... how long before he gets passive aggressive and starts punishing you for transgressions you don't even KNOW you've committed?
> 
> 
> 
> I do not have a good feeling about this. At all.



Yes. My ex was like this. It got out of hand, after a while. It started out minor like this. Lots of walking on eggshells. It escalated. Eventually, I could never measure up to his arbitrary standards because it was never about the standards and mainly about the control. A double standard was also at play. He had very low expectations about his life and impossible ones about mine. Instead of improving himself, he kept projecting his sense of unhappiness onto me. I'm not saying that your beau is like that, but your description sounds eerily familiar to me. I wish I'd listened to my intuition and addressed it earlier.


----------



## unsure78

moxy said:


> Yes. My ex was like this. It got out of hand, after a while. It started out minor like this. Lots of walking on eggshells. It escalated. Eventually, I could never measure up to his arbitrary standards because it was never about the standards and mainly about the control. A double standard was also at play. He had very low expectations about his life and impossible ones about mine. Instead of improving himself, he kept projecting his sense of unhappiness onto me. I'm not saying that your beau is like that, but your description sounds eerily familiar to me. I wish I'd listened to my intuition and addressed it earlier.


No THAT is what im worried about...im not sure that he is like that, that it will get to the point it did with your ex. I guess only time will tell but I am keeping my eyes open at this point for sure.


----------



## Lifescript

The fact he's willing to do counseling is promising. Does his son treat your son ok? Do they get along well? 

Kids are so different. Does he on get offended when your son says he stinks? Lol 

My son's best friend is very emotional and cries for minor things. Sometimes my son would say something jokingly and he would start crying for no reason.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> Hes been divorced for over a year and a half, but was separated 3 years before that ( full separation not living together). He had a few one night stands during separation and a short relationship before me ( maybe 3 months) but im his first major relationship post D.


So he may be repeating the same mistakes he made in his marriage, if he didn't address them in IC or while in another relationship post-divorce.

He definitely should get some counseling and work this out.


----------



## FeministInPink

unsure78 said:


> No THAT is what im worried about...im not sure that he is like that, that it will get to the point it did with your ex. I guess only time will tell but I am keeping my eyes open at this point for sure.


That's what I would be worried about, too. Proceed with caution.

I'm just glad that you're seeing this with open eyes and are aware of it. Good on you!


----------



## FeministInPink

2&out said:


> I'm not stressed much. I used to be - wanting more and worrying. More $ and respect at work, deeper relationships, fussing about clean house, etc. Decided to change my thinking - and count my blessings and appreciate what I have first and often. My other wants kind of melted away. I stopped looking for love as I realized it's not really as much of a priority to me as I was telling myself. I'm happy being single as I like not answering or explaining anything to anyone unless I feel like it. I don't need or especially want anyones approval except my kids. I'm relaxed, healthier, and happier. Kind of weird thing has happened along the way - I seem to get as much or more sex now than I did when married. And it's fun sex - spontaneous, and exciting. I'm a booty call for a single Mom. Just got a great new different offer/deal - take a kid I'd be passing by anyway to school each morning and get regular BJ payment as convenient. Didn't ask - was offered. Now I'll *really* be content ! lol
> 
> Don't worry - be happy people !  Count your blessings !!`


Good on you, too!

Although, I would be weirded out if someone offered me oral sex in payment for carpooling. But that's just me.


----------



## unsure78

Lifescript said:


> The fact he's willing to do counseling is promising. Does his son treat your son ok? Do they get along well?
> 
> Kids are so different. Does he on get offended when your son says he stinks? Lol
> 
> My son's best friend is very emotional and cries for minor things. Sometimes my son would say something jokingly and he would start crying for no reason.


Yes he does treat my son well. He is more likely to give me the cold shoulder than my son when my son does something hes deems wrong. Yes they get along well my son likes him. Thing is he is a teacher, so sometimes hes willing to push my son past his comfort zone on certain things (like school work or math), where im not always. Not saying its a bad thing.

No his son actually doesn't get offended, his son may be on the spectrum so that kinda stuff totally goes over his head at this point. Its my BF who gets all bothered by it FOR his son. He has alluded to that he experienced some problems with teasing as a kid, so he seems ultra sensitive about his kid. When everyone i talk to that has kids in that age range is says its totally normal kid stuff and I agree, even my childs therapist feels that my kids in the normal range.


----------



## evolver

Lifescript said:


> What was the cause of the split?


It's complex. The main thing was the age difference. More accurately, life circumstance difference. I've been married, divorced, own a house, degree, traveled, career that I enjoy, etc. I'm pretty settled for the moment. She works retail, is trying to figure out how to go back to school for fine-art on her own dime, isn't sure of her career path, owns nothing, lives in a rented bedroom, doesn't really know what she wants for the future, never had a relationship longer than a few months. She's also bisexual, kinky, and has never experienced an orgasm.

Basically, she's inexperienced. We had many conversations where I would express that I would not put her in a birdcage, keeping her from experience she needs to know herself. I encouraged her to explore, but also was explicit in my own boundaries, and made sure she knew that I would not be angry with her if she crossed them, but also would probably not choose to remain in the relationship. In my mind, I wasn't expecting the relationship to last, and I told myself that I would do everything in my power to leave her better than I found her.

I think I succeeded in that goal, but the price was high. It meant I was never "all-in". She definitely picked up on that. A few weeks ago, she started saying "I love you". I hesitated in saying it back. When she met a girl in a bar last week, and told me she was thinking of exploring her bisexuality, I told her I was ok with that. My thought was, this will either blow up a relationship that wasn't meant to be, or cement it. I do think she was honest in saying that she wanted to see this woman, but I also suspect it was a test. I failed. I'm now considering that maybe I was more-in than I thought.


----------



## Lifescript

unsure78 said:


> Yes he does treat my son well. He is more likely to give me the cold shoulder than my son when my son does something hes deems wrong. Yes they get along well my son likes him. Thing is he is a teacher, so sometimes hes willing to push my son past his comfort zone on certain things (like school work or math), where im not always. Not saying its a bad thing.
> 
> No his son actually doesn't get offended, his son may be on the spectrum so that kinda stuff totally goes over his head at this point. Its my BF who gets all bothered by it FOR his son. He has alluded to that he experienced some problems with teasing as a kid, so he seems ultra sensitive about his kid. When everyone i talk to that has kids in that age range is says its totally normal kid stuff and I agree, even my childs therapist feels that my kids in the normal range.


I personally don't think is good to be overprotective of children. You won't always be there to protect them so they have to learn to not take things personal and speak up for themselves. In this case, his son is not even getting bothered by it so he's making an issue out of nothing.


----------



## Lifescript

evolver said:


> It's complex. The main thing was the age difference. More accurately, life circumstance difference. I've been married, divorced, own a house, degree, traveled, career that I enjoy, etc. I'm pretty settled for the moment. She works retail, is trying to figure out how to go back to school for fine-art on her own dime, isn't sure of her career path, owns nothing, lives in a rented bedroom, doesn't really know what she wants for the future, never had a relationship longer than a few months. She's also bisexual, kinky, and has never experienced an orgasm.
> 
> Basically, she's inexperienced. We had many conversations where I would express that I would not put her in a birdcage, keeping her from experience she needs to know herself. I encouraged her to explore, but also was explicit in my own boundaries, and made sure she knew that I would not be angry with her if she crossed them, but also would probably not choose to remain in the relationship. In my mind, I wasn't expecting the relationship to last, and I told myself that I would do everything in my power to leave her better than I found her.
> 
> I think I succeeded in that goal, but the price was high. It meant I was never "all-in". She definitely picked up on that. A few weeks ago, she started saying "I love you". I hesitated in saying it back. When she met a girl in a bar last week, and told me she was thinking of exploring her bisexuality, I told her I was ok with that. My thought was, this will either blow up a relationship that wasn't meant to be, or cement it. I do think she was honest in saying that she wanted to see this woman, but I also suspect it was a test. I failed. I'm now considering that maybe I was more-in than I thought.


Sounds complicated man. 

Be careful in your assessment right after a split. You will feel like you wanted it more now than before because now she's gone. So your feelings may be out if fear of loss. 

If she is meant for you she will be back. No orgasm for her? Weird. 

I see her trying to go back to school as a good thing though.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Sounds complicated man.
> 
> Be careful in your assessment right after a split. You will feel like you wanted it more now than before because now she's gone. *So your feelings may be out if fear of loss*.
> 
> If she is meant for you she will be back. No orgasm for her? Weird.
> 
> I see her trying to go back to school as a good thing though.


Especially if you have a hard time letting go... or it may just be because she's the first post-d.

But I just wanted to chime in that there is nothing wrong with renting a room instead of an entire apt or owning a place. I am moving INTO a houseshare sitch because I am tired of paying so much money for a big apt I don't need. It's a frugal decision.


----------



## RandomDude

evolver said:


> I failed. I'm now considering that maybe I was more-in than I thought.


Ey? Meh, I would say you're only feeling 'more-in' as you're realising you're losing her. It happens, it's natural, and it's also bullsh-t.

You weren't 'more-in' before she went off to date someone else, so remind yourself why.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

unsure78 said:


> However, I do not want to live my life walking on eggshells over what I say or my kid says. Been there done that don't want to live it again. At this point im starting to suspect that this is truly why his exw asked for a D. *We have talked several times at length about this and he says hes trying to lower his expectations and is working on it.
> 
> *I guess im just not sure what else to do at this point.
> 
> suggestions or commentary please....


THIS is the part that stood out to me the most, especially the part about lowering expectations. It just comes off (from over here anyway) as if he feels superior and has to make an effort to deal with "you people." 

I did the whole walking on eggshells thing for years too, never again.


----------



## evolver

FeministInPink said:


> But I just wanted to chime in that there is nothing wrong with renting a room instead of an entire apt or owning a place. I am moving INTO a houseshare sitch because I am tired of paying so much money for a big apt I don't need. It's a frugal decision.


For sure. I didn't mean to imply any of those things in my description of her as being "wrong". I was trying to illustrate that her life is less tied down than mine, and she is hungry for experience and change. I think that's a good thing! It does, however, mean that I have no sense of where she'll be in a week, much less after 4 years of school. It made it hard to envision a future with her, which poked at my fear of being hurt again. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway, I think you are all correct about my feelings now coming from fear of loss. We had a lot of fun times and adventures. I want more of those.


----------



## FeministInPink

evolver said:


> For sure. I didn't mean to imply any of those things in my description of her as being "wrong". I was trying to illustrate that her life is less tied down than mine, and she is hungry for experience and change. I think that's a good thing! It does, however, mean that I have no sense of where she'll be in a week, much less after 4 years of school. It made it hard to envision a future with her, which poked at my fear of being hurt again. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
> 
> Anyway, I think you are all correct about my feelings now coming from fear of loss. We had a lot of fun times and adventures. I want more of those.


And you will have lots more fun and more adventures. Maybe not with her. But you will!


----------



## RandomDude

Well folks, despite making a conscious decision to be open to dating again, seems my emotional state hasn't caught up to my mental at all. Women still make me feel uncomfortable when they show interest nowadays, so been letting the opportunities pass me by, excusing myself/playing dumb. I should be getting butterflies upon eye contact no? Instead I feel like throwing up when a woman shows interest.

I think I'm in for a long dry spell at this rate.

And no I'm not turning gay! Why do people tend to conclude with that? Bah!

/end random thought


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well folks, despite making a conscious decision to be open to dating again, seems my emotional state hasn't caught up to my mental at all. Women still make me feel uncomfortable when they show interest nowadays, so been letting the opportunities pass me by, excusing myself/playing dumb. I should be getting butterflies upon eye contact no? Instead I feel like throwing up when a woman shows interest.
> 
> I think I'm in for a long dry spell at this rate.
> 
> And no I'm not turning gay! Why do people tend to conclude with that? Bah!
> 
> /end random thought


RD, I don't think that ANYONE here would accuse you of turning gay 

Don't fret over this. Some time away from the ladies will do you good. Just go with it.


----------



## tripad

Throwing up ?

That bad ?

Relax


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD, I don't think that ANYONE here would accuse you of turning gay
> 
> Don't fret over this. Some time away from the ladies will do you good. Just go with it.


That's because you guys read the thoughts that I post, those in RL, they have no clue, so they seem to jump to automatic conclusions that I'm turning gay... bah!

I'm wondering if this is just a phase or if I'm actually going more bonkers permanently.



tripad said:


> Throwing up ?
> 
> That bad ?
> 
> Relax


It just makes me uncomfortable, before I found it flattering, now bleh!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> Good on you, too!
> 
> Although, I would be weirded out if someone offered me oral sex in payment for carpooling. But that's just me.


Me too!! :surprise:

Be careful! You can still get an STD from oral sex!


----------



## RandomDude

I always found the suggestion for protection when it comes to oral sex rather... errr... odd










Like who the fk is going to wear THAT?


----------



## tripad

Cool mouth piece

Dont think the guy could "stand up" anymore upon seeing that mouth piece ! 

Is that real ?


----------



## RandomDude

It's a dental dam, what you are advised to use when performing cunnilingus! lol


----------



## Lifescript

I saw her this afternoon. She saw me too. I waived from the other side of the street. I'm talking about the girl that went back to her bf. Fvck she was looking pretty. I felt like crossing the street and going to talk to her. She texted me weeks ago but I ignored it. Not sure if she is with the bf. She texted me saying it was nice to see me and that I looked good in social Friday clothes. 

I'm texted to text her back and tell her she looked beautiful. 

Memories ... fun times together. All circling in my head. This is hard. I can't cave. But I sure wish we could have another round. I felt so good with her. 

Sigh ...


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I saw her this afternoon. She saw me too. I waived from the other side of the street. I'm talking about the girl that went back to her bf. Fvck she was looking pretty. I felt like crossing the street and going to talk to her. She texted me weeks ago but I ignored it. Not sure if she is with the bf. She texted me saying it was nice to see me and that I looked good in social Friday clothes.
> 
> I'm texted to text her back and tell her she looked beautiful.
> 
> Memories ... fun times together. All circling in my head. This is hard. I can't cave. But I sure wish we could have another round. I felt so good with her.
> 
> Sigh ...


DO. NOT. TEXT. HER.

She isn't the only pretty girl in the world, and you can find someone who isn't all over the place emotionally.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> DO. NOT. TEXT. HER.
> 
> She isn't the only pretty girl in the world, and you can find someone who isn't all over the place emotionally.


You are right. I won't text. Have to distract myself so I don't think about stuff. 

I gotta amp my social activities. For now I've decided to not do online dating so I have to go out more to meet people. The girl of my dreams won't come knocking on my door. 

Left my mother's jeep at a auto body shop to get the back bumper painted. The secretary there who is the shop owner's daughter is beautiful. Our eyes met while I was there and she smiled. There was something in the air. I wish she's there when I go pick up the car. Hopefully her dad is not nearby so I can talk to her and ask for her #.


----------



## RandomDude

Curious folks, how many dates have you been in during your lifetime? As you guys probably know since seperation I dated quite actively, even if most ended up being FBs and FWBs, except for one, and that's only because I was stupid enough to give a shot despite flaws in our non-sexual chemistry.

Still... it must be hundreds for me, I can't count all the encounters I had, many didn't even go the route of traditional 'dating'... it just happened! If it's hundreds, and I only fell in love twice, does that define me as emotionally unavailable?

Well, yeah I already knew that anyway, and I have difficulties opening up to people (even ex-wife was a friend for a year before I let my guard down), but damn...


----------



## gouge_away

I always get the looks from girls at stoplights. Too bad their all minivans, lol.


----------



## TooNice

I have a date tonight. I have told this man that I realize I am not ready for a relationship. Quite frankly, I don't think he is either - I am the first person he has dated since his divorce finalized. We have know each other a long time, and recently reconnected. We do have a lot in common, which is why we were friends when we were younger. But some things we do not have in common, and I am too practical to live in the moment and not acknowledge those things. 

That said, I am going to just let go and enjoy the evening, even if I need to remind him that I am not ready for anything serious. Our plans are something that I know we will enjoy together, and it will be a fun night. I just wish I wasn't a little stressed about it. :-/ He's just so excited about it... it's sweet, but I just don't know what to do with that. 

Wish me luck...


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Curious folks, how many dates have you been in during your lifetime? As you guys probably know since seperation I dated quite actively, even if most ended up being FBs and FWBs, except for one, and that's only because I was stupid enough to give a shot despite flaws in our non-sexual chemistry.
> 
> Still... it must be hundreds for me, I can't count all the encounters I had, many didn't even go the route of traditional 'dating'... it just happened! If it's hundreds, and I only fell in love twice, does that define me as emotionally unavailable?
> 
> Well, yeah I already knew that anyway, and I have difficulties opening up to people (even ex-wife was a friend for a year before I let my guard down), but damn...


That's hard to estimate... I didn't start "dating" until college, and no one really dated in college. Everyone would hang out, the way college students do, and when you were into someone, you would just pair off... there wasn't ever a dating, get-to-know-you phase, because you already knew each other pretty well, you just went from being friends to being a couple. (Or you just hooked up, and that was it, and you went back to being friends, or you just avoided each other until the awkwardness went away.)

I didn't really do any dating post-college, since I met my XH soon after college, and we were both working in the restaurant industry... dating in the restaurant industry works much like the way it does in college 

So my first time going out on actual "dates" has been post-divorce. I haven't put in a huge effort at dating, so I don't have a high head count. I guess I've gone on maybe 8 or 10 first dates since my divorce? 

Some have been really good, which turned into short-term relationships. Some were OK, but the guys were lazy and never made a second date happen. None of them were really BAD.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I have a date tonight. I have told this man that I realize I am not ready for a relationship. Quite frankly, I don't think he is either - I am the first person he has dated since his divorce finalized. We have know each other a long time, and recently reconnected. We do have a lot in common, which is why we were friends when we were younger. But some things we do not have in common, and I am too practical to live in the moment and not acknowledge those things.
> 
> That said, I am going to just let go and enjoy the evening, even if I need to remind him that I am not ready for anything serious. Our plans are something that I know we will enjoy together, and it will be a fun night. I just wish I wasn't a little stressed about it. :-/ He's just so excited about it... it's sweet, but I just don't know what to do with that.
> 
> Wish me luck...


Good luck!

HAVE FUN


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Curious folks, how many dates have you been in during your lifetime? As you guys probably know since seperation I dated quite actively, even if most ended up being FBs and FWBs, except for one, and that's only because I was stupid enough to give a shot despite flaws in our non-sexual chemistry.
> 
> Still... it must be hundreds for me, I can't count all the encounters I had, many didn't even go the route of traditional 'dating'... it just happened! If it's hundreds, and I only fell in love twice, does that define me as emotionally unavailable?
> 
> Well, yeah I already knew that anyway, and I have difficulties opening up to people (even ex-wife was a friend for a year before I let my guard down), but damn...


My story is much like FiP's - met my ex when I was 21, so there was some dating prior to that. but I wasn't even 21...

Since I moved out, I have probably had 10-12 first dates, maybe? No truly awful experiences, and I have found something to learn about myself and dating from each man I have met. 

I have the opposite problem, RD. I tend to just lay everything out there. I'm a bit of an open book. I used to try to not be that way, but I know now that it's who I am. If I'm out with a guy who thinks it's too much, then I'm probably not meant to see him again. 

Love is a big word to throw out there. I loved my ex, but as open as I am, will be very, very guarded about when I feel I am going down that path again. I think that is normal.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lmao, I'm sure some can appreciate this

https://youtu.be/y0gUXvBjYqw


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> Lmao, I'm sure some can appreciate this
> 
> https://youtu.be/y0gUXvBjYqw


Haha - that was really funny.

Yep. That sums up this date I'm heading into - lol!

Thanks for the laugh!


----------



## evolver

Good luck, Too Nice. Just have fun.


----------



## gouge_away

What's wrong with me.

I just left Walgreen's, had to run in for cotton balls, I had no luck finding them myself so I asked this really cute clerk, she was stocking a lower shelf and looked up at me and looked like she was going to faint.

We walked around the corner, got the cotton balls and she asked if she could check me out, she commented that she really liked my shirt and all I could think is your too young. So I just said thanks and walked out.

I feel like an as$, I wanted to say "thanks, your cute!," but how does that come across, I'm 33 she's maybe 23 (25tops).

Would that gross you out if some guy 10 years older said your cute?
Is there a reason I only feel comfortable approaching older women and I'm very shy approaching younger?


----------



## Fenix

Hey everyone! Been awhile. Just popping in to say hey.

Life is good. Still trying to get divorced. It's been...what? About 2 1/2 years. Everytime we get close, the loser throws a wrench into the works. *sigh* But, life is still good...and fun.

Hope all of y'all are well.


----------



## evolver

So 10 month relationship girl who wanted to break it off, texts me 24 hours later, asking if she can come over. When she walks in the door, she says "I made a huge mistake, I love what we have, I couldn't bring myself to even respond to that other girl". 

I wanted to talk, to figure out why this whole thing happened before deciding anything, but it became clear that she was very confused herself, and must've thought I'd take her back immediately, and just forget about this whole incident. I hugged her, sent her home, told her she should sleep on it, and we could talk Saturday (today). 

Today, she was still reluctant to talk, but we did. Says she was taking me for granted and didn't realize it until she lost me. Now it feels like a much bigger decision, she says. She thinks the root of her problem is that she's not where she wants to be in life. She feels like she's supposed to be further ahead, have her degree, not working retail, etc. She questions if being in a relationship is extinguishing her fire to better herself. "I had a plan for my life, I'm terrible at sticking to plans, and you weren't in the plan". 

So here we are in limbo again. Same geography. Still a ****-hole. A lot less foggy though.


----------



## evolver

Gouge_away, just saying "thanks, you're cute" isn't going to seal any deals. She started it, so no harm in flirting back. Maybe It would've ended there, or maybe she would've continued. Just be tactful and expect nothing. Congrats for having a much younger woman check you out. That's flattering!


----------



## gouge_away

evolver said:


> Gouge_away, just saying "thanks, you're cute" isn't going to seal any deals. She started it, so no harm in flirting back. Maybe It would've ended there, or maybe she would've continued. Just be tactful and expect nothing. Congrats for having a much younger woman check you out. That's flattering!


I wasn't looking to seal a deal, I just don't want to seem like a d¡ck blowing off compliments. But also would like to flirt back without creeping.

Usually I humor the young ladies, I thought about commenting on her shirt, because those walgrees nurse uniforms from grey's anatomy are very nice.


----------



## RandomDude

Hell when you guys only took less than 50 dates in your lifetime before finding someone worthwhile, yet for me I plowed through hundreds of dates/encounters yet only fell in love twice...

Something is wrong, could be I'm just too picky when it comes to LTRs, and FBs/FWBs are only short-term, forcing me to find replacements. But still... *sigh*
Ashamed of how many dates I've been in now 

Maybe I'm just picky cause I be damaged goods no?


----------



## moxy

Fenix said:


> Hey everyone! Been awhile. Just popping in to say hey.
> 
> Life is good. Still trying to get divorced. It's been...what? About 2 1/2 years. Everytime we get close, the loser throws a wrench into the works. *sigh* But, life is still good...and fun.
> 
> Hope all of y'all are well.



I understand exactly how that feels. Hang in there. It's good that life is going well for you!


----------



## TooNice

gouge_away said:


> What's wrong with me.
> 
> I just left Walgreen's, had to run in for cotton balls, I had no luck finding them myself so I asked this really cute clerk, she was stocking a lower shelf and looked up at me and looked like she was going to faint.
> 
> We walked around the corner, got the cotton balls and she asked if she could check me out, she commented that she really liked my shirt and all I could think is your too young. So I just said thanks and walked out.
> 
> I feel like an as$, I wanted to say "thanks, your cute!," but how does that come across, I'm 33 she's maybe 23 (25tops).
> 
> Would that gross you out if some guy 10 years older said your cute?
> Is there a reason I only feel comfortable approaching older women and I'm very shy approaching younger?


Why would you have to tell her she is cute? You can flirt relentlessly without being so forward with your words. For example, a simple "Thank you!" would do while you look directly in her eyes. Then maybe ask her what she likes about your shirt, or tell her where you bought it. 

You were buying cotton balls. It's about the safest place you can be to turn on a little charm.


----------



## TooNice

Fenix said:


> Hey everyone! Been awhile. Just popping in to say hey.
> 
> Life is good. Still trying to get divorced. It's been...what? About 2 1/2 years. Everytime we get close, the loser throws a wrench into the works. *sigh* But, life is still good...and fun.
> 
> Hope all of y'all are well.


Hey, Fenix - sorry things are still getting dragged along, but nice to hear from you. Glad you are having fun anyway!


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Hell when you guys only took less than 50 dates in your lifetime before finding someone worthwhile, yet for me I plowed through hundreds of dates/encounters yet only fell in love twice...
> 
> Something is wrong, could be I'm just too picky when it comes to LTRs, and FBs/FWBs are only short-term, forcing me to find replacements. But still... *sigh*
> Ashamed of how many dates I've been in now
> 
> Maybe I'm just picky cause I be damaged goods no?


RD, I was 21 when I met my "someone worthwhile". Yes, I fell in love with him, but often at that age, we fall in love with the idea of love. I can look back now and see how blind I was to so many red flags and signs that things were not ok. He was not someone worthwhile. I was too young to know. And after 22 years, I have to start from scratch, too. But this time around, I know so much more; including the fact that we are all damaged goods, to a certain point.


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Maybe I'm just picky cause I be damaged goods no?


You'll never know until you take some time to get to the root of your issues


----------



## Lifescript

Gouge, 

I see nothing wrong with flirting back with someone who is 23. She started it. It's not like you are 50 or a lot older than her. Some girls in their early 20s are looking for an older mature man in his 30s to date or hookup with just for the experience. As one of my friends say, you got to give them what they want. 

Evolver, 

I had a feeling she was going to come back to you. Ball is now in your court. Don't rush back into anything. I would let her know that whatever decision she makes you want it to be something she is sure about. That you don't want to play games. 

--

Picked up my mother's car at the shop. The girl was there. We talked. She's only 22. She looked older and more mature. She recently married but the guy is overseas. Damn it! She asked if I had ever been married. Said yes but now going through a divorce. She wished me luck and said I would find someone better. She seems so nice. I wish her luck too and that was that. 

Didn't text the other girl back. It took a lot. I wish I had special powers and could travel back in time to experience at least one of our encounters one last time. 

Bummer.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Lifescript said:


> I wish I had special powers and could travel back in time to experience at least one of our encounters one last time.
> 
> Bummer.


Those are not powers you would want my friend. You'll spend all of your time living in the past, instead of getting out and experiencing new encounters worth remembering.



vi_bride04 said:



> You'll never know until you take some time to get to the root of your issues


Why on earth would we want to do that. Sounds too much like work.:wink2:


Everyone else: 
How the hell are ya?


----------



## Lifescript

Lone Shadow, 

I just want to relieve one past encounter. Just one. Lol


----------



## Lone Shadow

Life, I think that to relive one past encounter might relieve you of your senses. Just an observation.:smthumbup:


----------



## FeministInPink

evolver said:


> So 10 month relationship girl who wanted to break it off, texts me 24 hours later, asking if she can come over. When she walks in the door, she says "I made a huge mistake, I love what we have, I couldn't bring myself to even respond to that other girl".
> 
> I wanted to talk, to figure out why this whole thing happened before deciding anything, but it became clear that she was very confused herself, and must've thought I'd take her back immediately, and just forget about this whole incident. I hugged her, sent her home, told her she should sleep on it, and we could talk Saturday (today).
> 
> Today, she was still reluctant to talk, but we did. Says she was taking me for granted and didn't realize it until she lost me. Now it feels like a much bigger decision, she says. She thinks the root of her problem is that she's not where she wants to be in life. *She feels like she's supposed to be further ahead, have her degree, not working retail, etc. She questions if being in a relationship is extinguishing her fire to better herself. "I had a plan for my life, I'm terrible at sticking to plans, and you weren't in the plan". *
> 
> So here we are in limbo again. Same geography. Still a ****-hole. A lot less foggy though.


Run away, run away!

Seriously, how is this YOUR problem? If she can't stick to a plan, that's her problem... and she thinks to blame it on your presence in her life?

Sheesh.


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> RD, I was 21 when I met my "someone worthwhile". Yes, I fell in love with him, but often at that age, we fall in love with the idea of love. I can look back now and see how blind I was to so many red flags and signs that things were not ok. He was not someone worthwhile. I was too young to know. And after 22 years, I have to start from scratch, too. But this time around, I know so much more; including the fact that we are all damaged goods, to a certain point.


Had a think about this, it seems despite the high number of dates, I did fell in love twice during my youth, maybe I'm not so broken. Though my lifestyle in my youth was quite turbulent, alot of random dates/encounters, breakups, getting back together, etc. I didn't really take dating so seriously either.

I dunno, I seem to be drawn emotionally to women who are a tad crazy, cause I'm crazy too! Maybe my defences are weaker when I feel I can relate to folks with issues, like ex-wife was a nympho, first GF was violent as hell.

Come to think of it, perhaps that's the problem no? I can't relate to 'normal' well-brought up women! Like, recent ex-GF/FWB, we were fine, we had disagreements, but the main problem was - wavelength. I never confided in her, she didn't know many sides of me, sides that I did show to my exs that I did love.

I didn't open up because I knew she would never understand. Oh well...


----------



## bkyln309

Sorry I have been MIA. I was in the Carribean for a week followed by a week home with my kids. And tomorrow starts the school year! GULP! It has been a tough transition. The kids have not done well this summer. They really are out of control. I put my daughter in therapy. I am hoping we can get a grasp on her whole attitude. 

As far as dating goes, I met a very nice European man in the Carribean over my vacation. We had a lovely week of conversation and both of us regret that we live on opposite sides of the world. We really did connect. But I got back and Chemistry Man was texting me but again is travelling around the world. I simply am not going there again. And Older Guy and I finally had a talk about meeting the kids and getting more grounded in my real life. The month of August has been tough with my schedule. OG and I have barely seen each other. While I thought it was going to fade away, it woke him up to the fact I could be gone and he is pressing to get more serious. We will see where it goes. Honestly, if OG goes away I will not date at all. I just dont have the time and energy to put into a new relationship at this point. I need to get my kids back on track. I am really exhausted. And like many on this board, I am thinking of moving and looking for a new job. Im a glutton for punishment obviously.

I will try to catch up on the thread as the week progresses. Hope you all are well.


----------



## tripad

Hi just venting ok ?

Background.

Had a neighbour single dad who seemed interested in me during my divorce and asked me out twice . But which i side step his invites as i was unstable emotionally . Also logically i dont want to be caught for adultery n lose custody of my boys .

During this time he had provided emotional support n advice via text .

Since he's been seek out for advice , i do let him know when divorce was finalised . Weeks later i ask for coffee to catch up since i side step his invites twice n which he agreed after business travel . 

Though he is still busy in and out of country for business ( i guess ? ) , he has not called for coffee .

I m getting the idea that he may not be busy but he may have a girlfriend already or may not be keen on me anymore since my divorce had dragged out since beginning 2014 . That was when he first invited me over to his place to talk . Of course , it cross my mind he could be hoping for sex that night in early 2014 n nothing more .

Feeling disappointed .


----------



## gouge_away

Maybe he had no interest in dating you at all, and wasn't interested in sex. Its possible that early into your divorce he just wanted to see how you are doing, and to let you know he is there as a concerned neighbor.


----------



## FeministInPink

@tripad--if he was just interested in sex, then he's not even worth fretting over. He's not worth the time or the energy.

If he IS into you, and wants something more real, don't fret, either--it will happen. You've made the offer for coffee, so he knows the door is open


----------



## moxy

Big day tomorrow at work. Busy one, too. I don't feel ready. But...I'm only human and I will get through what I can get through. Wishing myself and everyone else a good day!


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> Maybe he had no interest in dating you at all, and wasn't interested in sex. Its possible that early into your divorce he just wanted to see how you are doing, and to let you know he is there as a concerned neighbor.


possible but dont think so . there were other signs like compliments and stares and stealing glances .



FeministInPink said:


> @tripad--if he was just interested in sex, then he's not even worth fretting over. He's not worth the time or the energy.
> 
> If he IS into you, and wants something more real, don't fret, either--it will happen. You've made the offer for coffee, so he knows the door is open


FP 

straight forward n to the point . that is how i think too .

Just wait and see . not going to ask a second time and appear desperate .

I guess i am getting lonely :frown2:


----------



## SecondTime'Round

tripad said:


> possible but dont think so . there were other signs like compliments and stares and stealing glances .
> 
> 
> 
> FP
> 
> straight forward n to the point . that is how i think too .
> 
> Just wait and see . not going to ask a second time and appear desperate .
> 
> I guess i am getting lonely :frown2:


What happened with the guy who asked you to his house for coffee?


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> possible but dont think so . there were other signs like compliments and stares and stealing glances .
> 
> 
> 
> FP
> 
> straight forward n to the point . that is how i think too .
> 
> Just wait and see . not going to ask a second time and appear desperate .
> 
> I guess i am getting lonely :frown2:


FYI--when you are lonely, that's a bad time to start dating. You'll be more likely to put up with sh!tty behavior because you'll tell yourself that it's better than being alone. And predatory men can smell loneliness a mile away, and will take advantage. 

Being happy with yourself and being happy alone is the best time, because you'll be able to remind yourself, if a guy is acting sh!tty, that being alone is better than dealing with sh!t.

*hugs*


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> What happened with the guy who asked you to his house for coffee?


heard and saw that he has been travelling a lot with new business project .


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> FYI--when you are lonely, that's a bad time to start dating. You'll be more likely to put up with sh!tty behavior because you'll tell yourself that it's better than being alone. And predatory men can smell loneliness a mile away, and will take advantage.
> 
> Being happy with yourself and being happy alone is the best time, because you'll be able to remind yourself, if a guy is acting sh!tty, that being alone is better than dealing with sh!t.
> 
> *hugs*


after my cheating ex ( financially ) , I am not taking any ****ty behaviour . ever . better alone than to be cheated . the next time a man cant pay his bills or the family's bills , I am kicking him out . immediately . no more sob stories n drama .


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> FYI--when you are lonely, that's a bad time to start dating. You'll be more likely to put up with sh!tty behavior because you'll tell yourself that it's better than being alone. And predatory men can smell loneliness a mile away, and will take advantage.
> 
> Being happy with yourself and being happy alone is the best time, because you'll be able to remind yourself, if a guy is acting sh!tty, that being alone is better than dealing with sh!t.
> 
> *hugs*


Also prevents one from settling, when settling could lead one to... at the very least, the ability to love another.

Meh I dunno... I've reached the point where I truly miss the feeling of being in love.


----------



## Hoosier

Hey TAM friends! Just a heads up that my "Dude" and I are going to the Cubs game in San Francisco on Wed night! Michael is the son of one of my best friends in College and a real movie buff. His mother (my friend) and I lost track of each other after college, mainly because she is a very good looking lady, and my xwife was extremely jealous. So, for the sake of my marriage I did not maintain contact. 30 years later, when I divorced (she had multiple affairs, ended up running off with the last one, my friend of 20 years...go figure) I immediately search Michaels mom out, flew from Indiana to San Antonio to have dinner, met Michael for the first time and we became Dudes! I have attempted to attach a photo from our trip to Mecca (Wrigley Field) from two years ago, where the ushers arranged to have our photo taken ON THE FIELD! all behind the scenes and without our knowing it was going to happen. I am hoping for a Sports Central shot, as we will be sitting between the Cubs dugout and home plate, 10 rows from the field, dressed as the Blues Brothers! Give us some good Karma in hopes that our goal is achieved. This will be our 4th year in a row, (Houton year one, Wrigley year two, Washington DC last year) and so far I have been on the field at Wrigley, had a ball tossed to us in Houston, just a great time in DC. Michael is a great kid, very high functioning, and gets peoples attention and respect where ever we go. Our motto for our trips (my best bud goes with us as well). "Beer, Cheesburgers, and no women!" Go Cubs!


----------



## anxiousdater

Hello Singles of TAM. Wondering if you could provide me with some search help - this is such a huge thread now (ive browsed in the past). Looking for advice on "doing dating properly". Im a single mom, been single about 2 years now and am ready to get back into a relationship. So far, dating for me has not gone well, mostly jerks and me pushing men away (usually the wrong ones so thats okay). I just dont want to push the right ones away.

Looking for advice on:

How to be confident on the first date (im always so nervous I find)
How to not come across as needy
How to know if hes interested
Am I being too picky?

Im reading the book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey, quite an interesting read so far. I posted a thread under the Social Spot (I think) but it hasnt shown up yet because im still a newbie.

So just looking for some good honest advice.

Thanks All


----------



## gouge_away

anxiousdater said:


> Hello Singles of TAM. Wondering if you could provide me with some search help - this is such a huge thread now (ive browsed in the past). Looking for advice on "doing dating properly". Im a single mom, been single about 2 years now and am ready to get back into a relationship. So far, dating for me has not gone well, mostly jerks and me pushing men away (usually the wrong ones so thats okay). I just dont want to push the right ones away.
> 
> Looking for advice on:
> 
> How to be confident on the first date (im always so nervous I find)
> How to not come across as needy
> How to know if hes interested
> Am I being too picky?
> 
> Im reading the book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey, quite an interesting read so far. I posted a thread under the Social Spot (I think) but it hasnt shown up yet because im still a newbie.
> 
> So just looking for some good honest advice.
> 
> Thanks All


Don't date with expectations.
I think before you meet, you should somewhat have an idea of a conversation starting point.

The last meeting I had, I had messaged her for a couple days, she mentioned that she had some online dating stories that I would probably enjoy. So right after she sat down, I asked her to tell me about her bad dates. She really opened up, and everything just flowed naturally after that.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Also prevents one from settling, when settling could lead one to... at the very least, the ability to love another.
> 
> Meh I dunno... I've reached the point where I truly miss the feeling of being in love.


I don't know, RD... sounds like more progress to me. Better be careful, or you might find yourself healing and stuff.


----------



## TooNice

anxiousdater said:


> Looking for advice on:
> 
> How to be confident on the first date (im always so nervous I find)
> How to not come across as needy
> How to know if hes interested
> Am I being too picky?


Just my opinion, but here goes.

Confidence: Just be you. Whatever that means. If you can't be yourself on a first date, then you shouldn't go on a second date. Might this lead to more first dates than seconds...? Maybe. But it will be worth it in the end. 

Neediness: See above (Unless of course, you are, actually needy. In that case, I have no idea.)

Interest: You will know. If not, see "confidence".

Pickiness: Again, IMHO... never. This has been discussed, and recently. Most of us have not been treated well. I feel I have earned the right to be picky. Again... see "confidence".


Just have fun. What's the worst that can happen? You spend a couple of hours on someone you won't see again. But you met someone new, and there was some cosmic reason for that. No expectations is also very, very good advice. 

Good luck!


----------



## TooNice

Big, big, giant day at work today. Culmination of an event I have been working on for months - the like of which has never happened at my employer before. It was a remarkable feeling to look around and watch it unfold... just like how I pictured I wanted it to be. 

While other things in my life are not quite where I expected, it is amazing to get to do something that makes me feel like I am making a difference for people. I'm entering my 4th year at my company, and spend days like today pinching myself to be sure it's real. 

Makes the other stuff a little bit easier!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> FYI--when you are lonely, that's a bad time to start dating. You'll be more likely to put up with sh!tty behavior because you'll tell yourself that it's better than being alone. And predatory men can smell loneliness a mile away, and will take advantage.
> 
> Being happy with yourself and being happy alone is the best time, because you'll be able to remind yourself, if a guy is acting sh!tty, that being alone is better than dealing with sh!t.
> 
> *hugs*
> 
> 
> 
> Also prevents one from settling, when settling could lead one to... at the very least, the ability to love another.
> 
> Meh I dunno... I've reached the point where I truly miss the feeling of being in love.
Click to expand...


Me too.

How long have you been divorced or with a partner ?


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> Big, big, giant day at work today. Culmination of an event I have been working on for months - the like of which has never happened at my employer before. It was a remarkable feeling to look around and watch it unfold... just like how I pictured I wanted it to be.
> 
> While other things in my life are not quite where I expected, it is amazing to get to do something that makes me feel like I am making a difference for people. I'm entering my 4th year at my company, and spend days like today pinching myself to be sure it's real.
> 
> Makes the other stuff a little bit easier!



Congrats n feel great about it !!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Me too.
> 
> How long have you been divorced or with a partner ?


Ex and I seperated years back but only divorced recently, I fell out of love with her towards the later period of our marriage, though I've always respected her - even to this day, I had a GF recently too but we broke up earlier this year, I didn't love her in the end, she was my former FWB that I thought I could try a relationship with.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Just my opinion, but here goes.
> 
> Confidence: Just be you. Whatever that means. If you can't be yourself on a first date, then you shouldn't go on a second date. Might this lead to more first dates than seconds...? Maybe. But it will be worth it in the end.
> 
> Neediness: See above (Unless of course, you are, actually needy. In that case, I have no idea.)
> 
> Interest: You will know. If not, see "confidence".
> 
> Pickiness: Again, IMHO... never. This has been discussed, and recently. Most of us have not been treated well. I feel I have earned the right to be picky. Again... see "confidence".
> 
> 
> Just have fun. What's the worst that can happen? You spend a couple of hours on someone you won't see again. But you met someone new, and there was some cosmic reason for that. No expectations is also very, very good advice.
> 
> Good luck!


I would agree with all the above. Just be YOURSELF. You, as you are, are worthy of love and affection. Don't try to be someone you're not, because that's not sustainable in the long run. Whoever you ARE is who you will be in a relationship; trying to be something you're not, or trying to be what you think "men" want (or what this particular date wants) will just backfire in the end. If you feel you have to put on a front, or be something that you're not, you might not be ready for dating.

Neediness: Like TN said, be yourself. If that means you come across as needy, then you might not be ready for dating or a relationship. But honestly, "neediness" is, many times, in the eye of a beholder. A man may say a woman (and you can reverse the genders, it doesn't really matter) was too needy, when that wasn't the case--the reality was that she was into him, but he really wasn't feeling it with her. But if he was into her, she might not have come across as needy at all.

For example, I can be a real talker. I like getting into deep conversations and have a lot of interesting things to say (on some topics), and so this (for me) tends to extend into texting. Live pretty much everyone in my city, I always have my phone next to me, or nearby, and it seems absurd to me to WAIT x number of hours to answer a text. So I pretty much always answer texts right away, unless I am engaged in something that cannot be interrupted, or if I'm in a social situation where it would be rude to be on my phone--and I expect prompt responses in return. I think that it's simply a matter of respect--it's rude to NOT respond promptly. And I will engage in long, rapid-fire text conversations. I was a college student at the peak of AIM's and ICQ's popularity, so this is second nature to me. My point is, I can text a LOT, and I get irritated when the other person doesn't respond in a reasonable amount of time.

So, I was seeing one guy (post-d) who thought this was perfectly fine, and engaged with me in a lot of rapid-fire texting. He didn't see this as needy behavior, it's just who I am and the way that I am. But there was another guy that I was seeing (post-d), and he thought that this behavior made me needy, and that I was being ridiculous when I got upset that it took him more than 24 hrs to reply to a text or return a phone call. Now, think about these two situations: my behavior did not change, but the two guys had two very different reactions. Their reaction (and the second guy thinking I was being needy) says much more about these two men than it does about me.

Interest: You will KNOW if he is interested. If you have to ask yourself, "Is this guy into me?" then he's not into you, or he's not into you enough for you to waste your time. A guy who is into you and who wants to make it happen will make it clear. He will pursue. If you have to ask, then you have to move on.

Pickiness: If you lower your expectations, you will continue to do so until you end up with a guy who treats you like crap, and then you will wonder why. You deserve better than that, and if you respect yourself enough to demand what you deserve, you will eventually get it. If you spend your time with men who are less than you deserve, you're missing the men who ARE what you deserve. 

But you do have to evaluate whether your expectations/checklist is too narrow or specific. What do you think you are being picky about? 

For example, I've always dated men who are taller than me. I've found that men who are 5'10" or 5'11" are the perfect height for me. So, I would prefer that a partner be in this height range. But this has no bearing on whether or not he would be a good partner. So if I refuse to date someone based on the fact that he isn't 5'10" or 5'11", I might be ruling out someone who would be an excellent partner and could be the man of my dreams--based in something superficial and arbitrary. THAT would be too picky.

I think that sometimes, this requires re-training of the brain. I was raised by a woman who conditioned me to have low expectations and to deny my own needs; she had her own functional/emotional deficit and couldn't (refused to?) meet my _very reasonable expectations_, so she taught me to expect less so she wouldn't have to deal with her own failures as a mother. So I grew into an adult who never prioritized or recognized my own needs, and who had expectations so low that they were literally NO expectations, and because of this, I allowed men to treat me like sh!t. Because I didn't think I deserved any better. Because my mother taught me that I didn't deserve any better. I have had to re-train my brain, to change my ways of thinking, to undo the damage that my mother and my ex-husband did. And it's a work in progress--I still sometimes (frequently!) question my expectations of others. But ultimately, when I honor myself and demand the best for myself, I am happy with the outcome. 

I've had my fair share of dating since my divorce, and honestly, there have been a LOT of guys who have tested me in this particular area--guys that could have been a good fit for me, but their behavior did not meet my expectations. Rather than letting this sh!tty behavior drag on and on, and letting them treat me poorly and not getting what *I* need out of this relationship (or whatever it is), I chose to prioritize myself and walked away. I didn't hope they would change, or try to get them to BE different, because that's a waste of my time--a leopard won't change his spots. In every case, I made it clear why I was walking away, which gave them a chance to step up their game--some let me go without protest, some tried to put up a whiny, full of excuses defense. Not a single one of them said, you're right, I screwed up, I'd like a chance to do it better. (I did have one person who was like, yeah, you're right... I gave him a second chance, and he kept up the same old, so I walked away. He didn't get an explanation the second time.) 

I GUARANTEE that I am happier single than I would be if I was still dealing with any of these clowns. Why put up with less than you deserve, just so you can say, I'm not single, I have another person in my life! That other person isn't worth a damn and isn't contributing to your life if they're not treating you the way you deserve.

So be fvcking picky. You fvcking deserve it. Anyone who accuses you of being "picky" is likely trying to trivialize your wants/needs/desired so they don't have to be hassled with the effort of having to MEET those. And a guy who is INTO YOU will want to do everything he can to make sure that you have everything you want and need.


----------



## tripad

you just made me feel better .

I am adamant about that . N then suddenly I ponder if I am right .

Now I can go to sleep :smile2:


----------



## Lone Shadow

Answering some pre-interview questions last week, I was able to use both "scintillate" and "trojan" in the same sentence, without being dirty. I'm proud of myself for that. It's quite the achievement.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> you just made me feel better .
> 
> I am adamant about that . N then suddenly I ponder if I am right .
> 
> Now I can go to sleep :smile2:


Good! I'm glad you made it through the entire thing... I know it was rather long.

Get some rest


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> So be fvcking picky. You fvcking deserve it. Anyone who accuses you of being "picky" is likely trying to trivialize your wants/needs/desired so they don't have to be hassled with the effort of having to MEET those. And a guy who is INTO YOU will want to do everything he can to make sure that you have everything you want and need.


I kind of adore you, FiP. Don't just be picky. Be fvcking picky.

Yes.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I kind of adore you, FiP. Don't just be picky. Be fvcking picky.
> 
> Yes.


That is because I am adore-able. I was informed of that fact last night. 

And life is better when expletives are involved !

And YES! If we are willing to put up with sh!t (or crazy, or abuse, or neglect, or what have you), that is what we will get. If you refuse to accept that stuff, if you choose to be fvcking picky, you will get fvcking awesome, because YOU are fvcking awesome for refusing to accept less.

But... if you're going to be fvcking picky, then you have to be fvcking awesome to get someone who is fvcking awesome. Raise your expectations for _*yourself*_. Challenge yourself to be better, to do better, to be more.

And when you do that, that is where your confidence comes from. And confidence attracts fvcking awesome people. So BE fvcking awesome, and BE fvcking picky!

:grin2:


----------



## TooNice

It just cracks me up, because I have a friend who tells me all the time that I am too picky. And I am confident enough to disagree openly with this friend when I need to. I tell her often that I GET to be picky. I went through 21 years of settling, and it won't happen again. Ever. I know she still disagrees and shakes her head when I won't see a guy a second time for some Seinfeld-ish reason. But I get to be fvcking picky. 

Because I finally know that I am fvcking awesome.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> It just cracks me up, because I have a friend who tells me all the time that I am too picky. And I am confident enough to disagree openly with this friend when I need to. I tell her often that I GET to be picky. I went through 21 years of settling, and it won't happen again. Ever. I know she still disagrees and shakes her head when I won't see a guy a second time for some Seinfeld-ish reason. But I get to be fvcking picky.
> 
> Because I finally know that I am fvcking awesome.


YES!!!

I think women like to tell other women to be less picky or to lower their expectations because it makes THEM feel better about the fact that they lowered their expectations and are unhappy. They want other women to be as miserable as they are. I don't think it really has anything to do with the woman who is "too picky."


----------



## RandomDude

Strange dream last night, went to see an old friend who somehow lost weight and remarried with a wife who made me a great meal too... that I took to some restaurant, and someone else ate it, who I beat up after, then went to the pier where I moored my boat, but I couldn't find my boat, so I went swimming instead, and then flying, like superman!

*sigh* Why do I wake up during the best of dreams?


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> YES!!!
> 
> I think women like to tell other women to be less picky or to lower their expectations because it makes THEM feel better about the fact that they lowered their expectations and are unhappy. They want other women to be as miserable as they are. I don't think it really has anything to do with the woman who is "too picky."


Dunno FIP, it all sounds well and good in theory, but in reality, sometimes one has to identify unrealistic expectations in their standards. I used to be all "be picky and be proud"

But nowadays... meh, wish I'm not so picky


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Dunno FIP, it all sounds well and good in theory, but in reality, sometimes one has to identify unrealistic expectations in their standards. I used to be all "be picky and be proud"
> 
> But nowadays... meh, wish I'm not so picky


RD, I did address this, sort of:



FeministInPink said:


> But you do have to evaluate whether your expectations/checklist is too narrow or specific. What do you think you are being picky about?
> 
> For example, I've always dated men who are taller than me. I've found that men who are 5'10" or 5'11" are the perfect height for me. So, I would prefer that a partner be in this height range. But this has no bearing on whether or not he would be a good partner. So if I refuse to date someone based on the fact that he isn't 5'10" or 5'11", I might be ruling out someone who would be an excellent partner and could be the man of my dreams--based in something superficial and arbitrary. THAT would be too picky.


There's a big difference between unrealistic expectations and refusing to accept less than you deserve.


----------



## FeministInPink

And RD, I think you're at the other end of the spectrum. Maybe you ARE too picky and your expectations are too high. But for a lot of women, we've been conditioned by society (or our mothers, or other women, or whatever) to lower our standards and expectations, and to then keep our unhappiness to ourselves. It's why so many women put up with sh!t relationships, with men who treat them poorly--because women LET the men treat them like that. If you have higher expectations of others, many of them will actually strive to meet those higher expectations.

I'm not talking about superficial stuff like height, hair color, or whatever--I'm talking about how the other person treats you.

When you base your decisions on superficial sh!t that has no impact on the person's ability to be a good mate, then that can be picky. Of course, everyone has their preferences and what they are attracted to, and there's no accounting for that. Selection of a mate doesn't occur in an attraction vacuum. Everyone has to pick a few things they have to be flexible on.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> And RD, I think you're at the other end of the spectrum. Maybe you ARE too picky and your expectations are too high. But for a lot of women, we've been conditioned by society (or our mothers, or other women, or whatever) to lower our standards and expectations, and to then keep our unhappiness to ourselves. It's why so many women put up with sh!t relationships, with men who treat them poorly--because women LET the men treat them like that. If you have higher expectations of others, many of them will actually strive to meet those higher expectations.
> 
> I'm not talking about superficial stuff like height, hair color, or whatever--I'm talking about how the other person treats you.
> 
> When you base your decisions on superficial sh!t that has no impact on the person's ability to be a good mate, then that can be picky. Of course, everyone has their preferences and what they are attracted to, and there's no accounting for that. Selection of a mate doesn't occur in an attraction vacuum. Everyone has to pick a few things they have to be flexible on.


Well, since ending relations with my ex-GF I don't seem to be able to be interested in anyone short of one who communicates/operates/thinks along the same "wavelength" as I, which makes me wonder if I'm being picky, or if this is just the consequences of the life that I had lived up to this point - along with the inability to relate to "normal" people on a deeper level.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> I would agree with all the above. Just be YOURSELF. You, as you are, are worthy of love and affection. Don't try to be someone you're not, because that's not sustainable in the long run. Whoever you ARE is who you will be in a relationship; trying to be something you're not, or trying to be what you think "men" want (or what this particular date wants) will just backfire in the end. If you feel you have to put on a front, or be something that you're not, you might not be ready for dating.
> 
> Neediness: Like TN said, be yourself. If that means you come across as needy, then you might not be ready for dating or a relationship. But honestly, "neediness" is, many times, in the eye of a beholder. A man may say a woman (and you can reverse the genders, it doesn't really matter) was too needy, when that wasn't the case--the reality was that she was into him, but he really wasn't feeling it with her. But if he was into her, she might not have come across as needy at all.
> 
> For example, I can be a real talker. I like getting into deep conversations and have a lot of interesting things to say (on some topics), and so this (for me) tends to extend into texting. Live pretty much everyone in my city, I always have my phone next to me, or nearby, and it seems absurd to me to WAIT x number of hours to answer a text. So I pretty much always answer texts right away, unless I am engaged in something that cannot be interrupted, or if I'm in a social situation where it would be rude to be on my phone--and I expect prompt responses in return. I think that it's simply a matter of respect--it's rude to NOT respond promptly. And I will engage in long, rapid-fire text conversations. I was a college student at the peak of AIM's and ICQ's popularity, so this is second nature to me. My point is, I can text a LOT, and I get irritated when the other person doesn't respond in a reasonable amount of time.
> 
> So, I was seeing one guy (post-d) who thought this was perfectly fine, and engaged with me in a lot of rapid-fire texting. He didn't see this as needy behavior, it's just who I am and the way that I am. But there was another guy that I was seeing (post-d), and he thought that this behavior made me needy, and that I was being ridiculous when I got upset that it took him more than 24 hrs to reply to a text or return a phone call. Now, think about these two situations: my behavior did not change, but the two guys had two very different reactions. Their reaction (and the second guy thinking I was being needy) says much more about these two men than it does about me.
> 
> Interest: You will KNOW if he is interested. If you have to ask yourself, "Is this guy into me?" then he's not into you, or he's not into you enough for you to waste your time. A guy who is into you and who wants to make it happen will make it clear. He will pursue. If you have to ask, then you have to move on.
> 
> Pickiness: If you lower your expectations, you will continue to do so until you end up with a guy who treats you like crap, and then you will wonder why. You deserve better than that, and if you respect yourself enough to demand what you deserve, you will eventually get it. If you spend your time with men who are less than you deserve, you're missing the men who ARE what you deserve.
> 
> But you do have to evaluate whether your expectations/checklist is too narrow or specific. What do you think you are being picky about?
> 
> For example, I've always dated men who are taller than me. I've found that men who are 5'10" or 5'11" are the perfect height for me. So, I would prefer that a partner be in this height range. But this has no bearing on whether or not he would be a good partner. So if I refuse to date someone based on the fact that he isn't 5'10" or 5'11", I might be ruling out someone who would be an excellent partner and could be the man of my dreams--based in something superficial and arbitrary. THAT would be too picky.
> 
> I think that sometimes, this requires re-training of the brain. I was raised by a woman who conditioned me to have low expectations and to deny my own needs; she had her own functional/emotional deficit and couldn't (refused to?) meet my _very reasonable expectations_, so she taught me to expect less so she wouldn't have to deal with her own failures as a mother. So I grew into an adult who never prioritized or recognized my own needs, and who had expectations so low that they were literally NO expectations, and because of this, I allowed men to treat me like sh!t. Because I didn't think I deserved any better. Because my mother taught me that I didn't deserve any better. I have had to re-train my brain, to change my ways of thinking, to undo the damage that my mother and my ex-husband did. And it's a work in progress--I still sometimes (frequently!) question my expectations of others. But ultimately, when I honor myself and demand the best for myself, I am happy with the outcome.
> 
> I've had my fair share of dating since my divorce, and honestly, there have been a LOT of guys who have tested me in this particular area--guys that could have been a good fit for me, but their behavior did not meet my expectations. Rather than letting this sh!tty behavior drag on and on, and letting them treat me poorly and not getting what *I* need out of this relationship (or whatever it is), I chose to prioritize myself and walked away. I didn't hope they would change, or try to get them to BE different, because that's a waste of my time--a leopard won't change his spots. In every case, I made it clear why I was walking away, which gave them a chance to step up their game--some let me go without protest, some tried to put up a whiny, full of excuses defense. Not a single one of them said, you're right, I screwed up, I'd like a chance to do it better. (I did have one person who was like, yeah, you're right... I gave him a second chance, and he kept up the same old, so I walked away. He didn't get an explanation the second time.)
> 
> I GUARANTEE that I am happier single than I would be if I was still dealing with any of these clowns. Why put up with less than you deserve, just so you can say, I'm not single, I have another person in my life! That other person isn't worth a damn and isn't contributing to your life if they're not treating you the way you deserve.
> 
> So be fvcking picky. You fvcking deserve it. Anyone who accuses you of being "picky" is likely trying to trivialize your wants/needs/desired so they don't have to be hassled with the effort of having to MEET those. And a guy who is INTO YOU will want to do everything he can to make sure that you have everything you want and need.


PREACH, FIP!  I feel like I wanna print this out and put it on my fridge.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Well, since ending relations with my ex-GF I don't seem to be able to be interested in anyone short of one who communicates/operates/thinks along the same "wavelength" as I, which makes me wonder if I'm being picky, or if this is just the consequences of the life that I had lived up to this point - along with the inability to relate to "normal" people on a deeper level.


depends on what's your wave length ?:wink2:

Are you geekish ?


----------



## tripad

RD

but I must say wavelength is important or else conversation is limited .


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well, since ending relations with my ex-GF I don't seem to be able to be interested in anyone short of one who communicates/operates/thinks along the same "wavelength" as I, which makes me wonder if I'm being picky, or if this is just the consequences of the life that I had lived up to this point - along with the inability to relate to "normal" people on a deeper level.


RD, this is your subconscious telling you that you need to take a break. That's all it is. When you're ready, you'll be interested again. Stop worrying about it so much.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, I'm not trying anymore anyway, if it happens it happens. I just miss the feeling tis all.


----------



## tripad

tripad said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, since ending relations with my ex-GF I don't seem to be able to be interested in anyone short of one who communicates/operates/thinks along the same "wavelength" as I, which makes me wonder if I'm being picky, or if this is just the consequences of the life that I had lived up to this point - along with the inability to relate to "normal" people on a deeper level.
> 
> 
> 
> depends on what's your wave length ?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Are you geekish ?
Click to expand...


R D

Just fooling around with you

No offence?


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Meh, none taken

Geeks are cool btw!

As for wavelength, I never lived a normal life, even when I turned legit. I can't relate to most people as a result. If I can't relate, I can't confide, if I can't confide, I can't be vulnerable, if I can't be vulnerable, I can't fall in love.

'tis just how it is


----------



## tripad

How not normal ? 

Cmon i have a tough childhood but i dont call myself not normal . Just tough me .


----------



## RandomDude

Life experiences, people can be toughened through many different experiences, but that's not what I'm talking about. It's all mindset/wavelength.

Meh anyway it's hard to explain, don't expect folks to understand


----------



## tripad

Some people who.went through sh!t knows

I know 

Sometimes just too long a story to tell


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Meh, none taken
> 
> Geeks are cool btw!
> 
> As for wavelength, I never lived a normal life, even when I turned legit. I can't relate to most people as a result. If I can't relate, I can't confide, if I can't confide, I can't be vulnerable, if I can't be vulnerable, I can't fall in love.
> 
> 'tis just how it is


RD, if you don't feel like you can relate to other people, that's something you can work on and fix. People with disparate backgrounds and experiences connect with one another all the time; connection doesn't require common past experiences, it requires empathy and understanding.

It's not a question of others(the women) not being good enough; it's an issue of YOU not being able to connect. I would bet that there are a lot of women who COULD connect with you, but YOU can't right now because you have this mental block.


----------



## RandomDude

Empathy for me is weaponised, along with everything else in my thought processes, nothing but signals to the brain. Only person who seems to bring out a completely unguarded RD is my daughter, who even ex-wife got jealous of.

You are correct that connection doesn't require common past experiences sure, ex and I had very different experiences for instance, even our methods for dealing with challenges were/are different, but we understood each other due to 'wavelength'. She and precious few other folks in my life are/were of the same 'wavelength', my best mates are also not the ones who have been with me the longest, but those who share my wavelength.

As for men/women who don't share the wavelength, I don't look down on them, or think that they are not "good enough". I just know we'll never understand each other fully, so our connection is limited. I dunno, 'tis complicated =/


----------



## tripad

Rd it's simply called chemistry .


----------



## tripad

Of course your children sees your vulnerable purest side !


----------



## movealong

Hey all! Figured I'd stop by and say hello. 

I am doing good. It's just my daughter and I, now. Oldest step daughter and her fiance moved out right before I downsized into my new home, my eldest son is now in the AF, and my younger son is living with his fianc'e. I've dated a few times and had a gf for several months. I broke it off because I knew it wasn't going anywhere and I didn't want to lead her on. Problem is, we were very compatible in everything intimate, but she just wasn't the one. I do miss that intimacy, though!

Work is a monster, and it needs to die a horrible movie villain death, lol! But, it keeps the bills paid. Hope everyone is doing good!

movealong

eta - I am still sober. Working towards getting that 3rd year under my belt. Now I just need to get back in shape.


----------



## FeministInPink

Good for you, @movealong! I'm glad things are going well, and congrats on almost being 3yrs sober. (I nearly said, 3yrs of being almost sober. Not the same thing!) That's a BFD.

And you can get back in shape. You can do it!


----------



## FeministInPink

I am 12 days away from the big move, and I am nowhere near ready. I am going to freak out soon, I think.

Luckily, I don't have rehearsal tonight, so I have a BIG chunk of time tonight to get some work done.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Of course your children sees your vulnerable purest side !


It also helps that she be cuteness and she be awesomeness! Hehe 

I'm very proud of my little girl, best thing to have happened in my life really.

I read some threads where some folks were having trouble deciding between their new partner or their child. Hell if faced with such a situation for me it would be a split second decision to choose my kid, and ditch the lady for even daring to try to make me choose her over my daughter!


----------



## tripad

Haha RD 

it's a no brain decision 

N I'll ditch any man who choose a pu*sy over their children !


----------



## moxy

FIP, good luck!!


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I am 12 days away from the big move, and I am nowhere near ready. I am going to freak out soon, I think.
> 
> Luckily, I don't have rehearsal tonight, so I have a BIG chunk of time tonight to get some work done.



Rehearsal ? Are u a musician ?


----------



## TooNice

TooNice said:


> I have a date tonight. I have told this man that I realize I am not ready for a relationship. Quite frankly, I don't think he is either - I am the first person he has dated since his divorce finalized. We have know each other a long time, and recently reconnected. We do have a lot in common, which is why we were friends when we were younger. But some things we do not have in common, and I am too practical to live in the moment and not acknowledge those things.
> 
> That said, I am going to just let go and enjoy the evening, even if I need to remind him that I am not ready for anything serious. Our plans are something that I know we will enjoy together, and it will be a fun night. I just wish I wasn't a little stressed about it. :-/ He's just so excited about it... it's sweet, but I just don't know what to do with that.
> 
> Wish me luck...


We had a lovely time last weekend, but I am afraid I need to stand up and be a better friend than potential girlfriend. He keeps making references to a relationship, making plans for potential future dates, talking about all of things we can do together. It's sweet, but he's got major changes happening in his life soon, and his divorce is going to get real. And I think I am going to be in the way of what he needs to deal with during the next few months. 

He's been officially divorced longer than I have, but I have been on my own longer. I just feel like he needs to transition without distraction. And while I have told him how I feel, he still sends me very sweet text messages that indicate he is making plans for us. Sigh. I dislike this part of dating. We are friends, and I hope that several dates have not changed that so much that we can't maintain that.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Rehearsal ? Are u a musician ?


Play rehearsal--I'm in a musical with a local community theater. We open in 2.5 weeks.

But I am also an amateur musician. I sing, play piano, and guitar. And I've recently decided that I want to learn to play the ukulele. There was one in the prop box at last night's rehearsal, and I was fooling around with it. I figure it will be easy to pick up after the guitar.

ETA: When I say recently, I mean "as of last night."


----------



## tripad

I was a musician in an orchestre during my school days on a national level . I stopped to pursue studies .

Can't play my french horn now . But i love music n musical plays .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> I was a musician in an orchestre during my school days on a national level . I stopped to pursue studies .
> 
> Can't play my french horn now . But i love music n musical plays .


I played french horn, too! I was second chair in high school... but I didn't try very hard, I never practiced. I was just really good at sight reading and faking my way through it. I finally got bumped to third chair my senior year by a sophomore girl who REALLY loved it. I was miffed at the time, but she deserved it. I had more natural talent, but she worked her a$$ off, and I only put in the minimum effort.


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> We had a lovely time last weekend, but I am afraid I need to stand up and be a better friend than potential girlfriend. He keeps making references to a relationship, making plans for potential future dates, talking about all of things we can do together. It's sweet, but he's got major changes happening in his life soon, and his divorce is going to get real. And I think I am going to be in the way of what he needs to deal with during the next few months.
> 
> He's been officially divorced longer than I have, but I have been on my own longer. I just feel like he needs to transition without distraction. And while I have told him how I feel, he still sends me very sweet text messages that indicate he is making plans for us. Sigh. I dislike this part of dating. We are friends, and I hope that several dates have not changed that so much that we can't maintain that.


:|

:scratchhead: Why break his heart when you can just tell him to slow down? That's assuming you're even interested in him, which doesn't seem like...


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Why break his heart when you can just tell him to slow down? That's assuming you're even interested in him, which doesn't seem like...


That's just it. I HAVE told him to slow down. I do like him very much, but I am freaked out by how young his kids are, by the fact that he's been living with his ex since their divorce, that I am the first girl he's gone out with, and the fact that I am flat out enjoying dating. I've been very up front with all of those things. So we've talked about going slow-one day at a time.

But I don't feel like it's actually happening. 

I'm pretty secure in my thoughts that when he moves out soon, he is going to need time to transition to what life feels like and what that adjustment will mean for him, his kids, and his relationship with his ex. All of the other stuff aside, I just don't think he needs to be dealing with me, too!


----------



## Piggy

Hi all 
Long time nv post 
😊
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I was a musician in an orchestre during my school days on a national level . I stopped to pursue studies .
> 
> Can't play my french horn now . But i love music n musical plays .
> 
> 
> 
> I played french horn, too! I was second chair in high school... but I didn't try very hard, I never practiced. I was just really good at sight reading and faking my way through it. I finally got bumped to third chair my senior year by a sophomore girl who REALLY loved it. I was miffed at the time, but she deserved it. I had more natural talent, but she worked her a$$ off, and I only put in the minimum effort.
Click to expand...


Ha

French horn too !!!

I was kinda attracted to your style of writing n its contents n thought if you are in my county , we could be pals n have girls night out Instead of being alone . 
:-D


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Ha
> 
> French horn too !!!
> 
> I was kinda attracted to your style of writing n its contents n thought if you are in my county , we could be pals n have girls night out Instead of being alone .
> :-D


Prioritizing traveling and new experiences is a significant part of my post-divorce life (one of my reasons for moving is to spend less $$ on rent and other living expenses so I will be able to travel more), so maybe we can't be gal pals right now, but I might visit your country at some point in the future, and we can have a girls night out then!


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> That's just it. I HAVE told him to slow down. I do like him very much, but I am freaked out by how young his kids are, by the fact that he's been living with his ex since their divorce, that I am the first girl he's gone out with, and the fact that I am flat out enjoying dating. I've been very up front with all of those things. So we've talked about going slow-one day at a time.
> 
> But I don't feel like it's actually happening.
> 
> I'm pretty secure in my thoughts that when he moves out soon, he is going to need time to transition to what life feels like and what that adjustment will mean for him, his kids, and his relationship with his ex. All of the other stuff aside, I just don't think he needs to be dealing with me, too!


Good on you, TN. I fully support this plan. You've noticed the red flags, made requests to mitigate the danger, and your requests have been ignored. You know what you need, you know what you want, and this guy just doesn't fit the bill.

It sounds to me that he is lacking in self-awareness. I would be planning my exit strategy, too.


----------



## tripad

FIP

Good for u . Travel .

I am dreaming of that .

Kinda tough with 2 young boys .


----------



## moxy

Travel...I'm packing for a trip right now, both work and pleasure.


----------



## tripad

Moxy

Where to ?

How do you manage to do work n travel ? 

I never did that . No opportunity .


----------



## tripad

Envy


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> FIP, good luck!!


Thanks, moxy--I need all the luck I can muster!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Camping again this weekend. I love this little camper!!


----------



## TooNice

Just thought I would share a little accomplishment here with my virtual friends. I ran a half marathon today. There was a time in my life when walking up a flight of stairs was a challenge, and I ran 13.1 miles today. I wasn't fast, but I was thrilled with my time. I hoped to finish in 3 hours and came in at 2:53:33. Thrilled.

I don't know that I would have done this if I were still married. My divorce (and many amazing people I have met while running) gave me the courage to give it a shot. And I am so glad I did. Thanks for letting me share. 


I'm going to go take a nap now..


----------



## tripad

Too nice 

Well done . I am thinking of marathon and muay thai classes right now .


----------



## RandomDude

Muay Thai is great, probably one of the most practical combat sports out there, but I'm biased


----------



## tripad

Muay thai gives a lean strong sexy body too ;-) and butt


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, a hot body that kicks ass! 

Some men will appreciate a woman who can hold her own, especially fighters like myself.


----------



## tripad

Fighter RD ? 

I have not started muay thai . Went for a couple of classes and love it . Love the coordination of the different body parts . 

After divorce , suddenly had the weird thought that if i am on holiday and it's just me n kids , i will need to protect my kids . Hence , considering muay thai . 

N taking my boys now for regular runs . Told them mum is learning muay thai to deliver critical punch . I can never beat a man . End of the day , we got to run away !!!!! Lol


----------



## RandomDude

Muay Thai techniques are great, especially their elbow/knee strikes, you will be able to easily beat down the average man after some training. You say you can't beat a man now but that will come in time. From what I know, live sparring is highly encouraged in Muay Thai.

I am not a formally trained fighter, but with alot of experience from my rather troubled youth. I incorporated alot of different techniques from different arts to suit my own style. Muay Thai is one art I recommend as it trains you well in elbow/knee strikes, and you can do alot more damage with an elbow than a fist. So who says you won't be able to beat a man? 

Besides as a woman you can get away with actually defending yourself. For us men, any striking bears the risk of causing enough damage for you to be sued - even if you are defending yourself. Hence nowadays I try ti only restrain rather than beat them down - as much as I would like to beat them down... well somethings would still make me snap though - like if my daughter is threatened or her honor is insulted.


----------



## tripad

RD

Really ?

I can beat a guy ? If i ever need to for self defence ?

You are giving me the motivation to sign up for the muay thai class as the fee is really high and i am thinking n jokingly told the trainer that with that amount of money i could buy a gun ! Gun is illegal in my country


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Prioritizing traveling and new experiences is a significant part of my post-divorce life (one of my reasons for moving is to spend less $$ on rent and other living expenses so I will be able to travel more)


Excellent plan.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Excellent plan.


Great idea. I'm in the position of deciding where to move next. I'm going to stay in the same area with my job, but do I rent, buy a condo or buy a house? 

Initially I was thinking house, since then I would really feel like I was putting down roots, being independent and being able to "nest". I'd have weekend projects to do to keep myself busy. BUT I would be house rich and cash poor. I'm not sure that's the best idea. 

Being newly single, I think it makes more sense for me to buy a reasonably priced condo between work and downtown that allows me easy access to get to events, meetups, hobbies, and dates. It would still allow some nesting, but I'd have more money freed up to travel or pick up a hobby like golf. 

Where I live now is a 12 month lease (I'm 6 months in) and 5 mins from work, but in a very isolated area. To get to any of the meetups, or any dates, it usually is a 45 minute commute. 

FIP, are you going to be in living with a roommate?


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> RD
> 
> Really ?
> 
> I can beat a guy ? If i ever need to for self defence ?
> 
> You are giving me the motivation to sign up for the muay thai class as the fee is really high and i am thinking n jokingly told the trainer that with that amount of money i could buy a gun ! Gun is illegal in my country


If you remain disciplined during training and participate in live sparring - yes, you can do more than just beat a guy. It's not just the techniques or your strength that will be built, but also your confidence in your ability.

Live sparring - competitive btw, not just playing around, will also train you / condition you in dealing with the adrenaline rushes and maintaining a level head during combat.

BTW elbows and knees are really close range so Muay Thai also includes grappling training. It's a good all-rounder combat sport that is effective outside of sparring. Give it a try for a few months membership, see if it's cut out for you and vice versa.

As for guns/weapons/knives, what if you are without? On the street you want to disable/maim your opponent in seconds flat, Muay Thai gives you that ability - unarmed.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RD and Tripad, 
Thanks for giving me the idea about Muay Thai. I'd never heard of it before but after searching, I found a gym near me that does Beginners lessons. I may just have to check it out!!


----------



## RandomDude

Heh, in a few months, you girls will be doing this:












Or even better, this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS1JFa_EjmI

 lol


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Great idea. I'm in the position of deciding where to move next. I'm going to stay in the same area with my job, but do I rent, buy a condo or buy a house?
> 
> Initially I was thinking house, since then I would really feel like I was putting down roots, being independent and being able to "nest". I'd have weekend projects to do to keep myself busy. BUT I would be house rich and cash poor. I'm not sure that's the best idea.
> 
> Being newly single, I think it makes more sense for me to buy a reasonably priced condo between work and downtown that allows me easy access to get to events, meetups, hobbies, and dates. It would still allow some nesting, but I'd have more money freed up to travel or pick up a hobby like golf.
> 
> Where I live now is a 12 month lease (I'm 6 months in) and 5 mins from work, but in a very isolated area. To get to any of the meetups, or any dates, it usually is a 45 minute commute.
> 
> FIP, are you going to be in living with a roommate?


I will have 2 housemates. Male housemate, mid 20's, is a defense contractor and does martial arts in the evenings; he is rarely home, and when he is, he plays video games and/or keeps to himself. Female housemate, mid 30's (my age), grew up near my hometown and works for USAID; she is cool and we get along really well. She's a little more social; for example, she had a cookout last weekend, and invited me to join them, so I got to meet her brother and some of her friends. 

It will certainly be an adjustment, living with housemates again, but I think it will be good for me. I think it will be better to come home to housemates, whose company I enjoy, rather than coming home to an empty apartment (especially an empty apartment that I used to share with my XH). I think it will help me to feel less alone, which does have a tendency to crash over me when I'm feeling stressed out.

Sometimes I think I might want to buy, but DC is so expensive, and I'm not sure if I want to stay here... I might want to go somewhere I can get more bang for my buck, and where I can live a little more cheaply.


----------



## tripad

Fip

It will be fun

N you will make new friends 

Good for you 

I am trying to get into some new activity like mentioned earlier muay thai perhaps to learn defence and have new friends to go party dinner with .

Old buddies are all working mummies with family who meet up every once in a blue moon so doesn't have time for me .


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> RD and Tripad,
> Thanks for giving me the idea about Muay Thai. I'd never heard of it before but after searching, I found a gym near me that does Beginners lessons. I may just have to check it out!!


Go for it 

It's fun

Is it expensive over your place ? 

The place i found is expensive but then it is the most expensive school here as the trainers are all thai multi time champions .


----------



## tripad

Great to have adult conversation here with you ladies and guys 

Or else i will go insane and talk to myself :-o


----------



## SARAHMCD

tripad said:


> Go for it
> 
> It's fun
> 
> Is it expensive over your place ?
> 
> The place i found is expensive but then it is the most expensive school here as the trainers are all thai multi time champions .


Just $12 for one, 1 hour session. 

Or I can get it cheaper by buying multi classes as once. Or $85 a month all inclusive. They also have powerlifting and endurance training classes. 

I think I'd start with one class and see if its for me. From their pictures it looks like small classes and about 1/3 women.


----------



## tripad

Mine is 360 per month unlimited so it's good if i go in at least 3x a week or else it's not worth it . 

If i pay i will do 3-5 times a week and i will kick ass like scarlett Johnson as posted by RD.


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Go for it
> 
> It's fun
> 
> Is it expensive over your place ?
> 
> The place i found is expensive but then it is the most expensive school here as the trainers are all thai multi time champions .
> 
> 
> 
> Just $12 for one, 1 hour session.
> 
> Or I can get it cheaper by buying multi classes as once. Or $85 a month all inclusive. They also have powerlifting and endurance training classes.
> 
> I think I'd start with one class and see if its for me. From their pictures it looks like small classes and about 1/3 women.
Click to expand...


Haha

U can hook up with the cool bodied women there !


----------



## FeministInPink

Now I'm thinking that I should check it out. The Muay Thai, I mean.

ETA: And I found an MMA studio (?) only a few minutes (by car) from my new place that has muay thai, among other forms. I can't find any pricing info, though. (I would bet money that this is where my new roommate goes for his martial arts stuff every night.)


----------



## tripad

(smiling )

Probably he is .

FIP

sometimes getting into fitness and you feel lean and strong and you don't want those muscles to become jelly again .like when i was pregnant .

It took pounds and cellulite off and honestly it takes years off my looks too !


----------



## RandomDude

Make sure you ladies get involved with the sparring as well, after a while the techniques will become second nature to you. Any idiot who tries anything will be on the ground before someone even calls out 'fight!' Heh

BTW, I also recommend not being picky with your opponents during sparring. I don't know how Muay Thai conducts their sparring, if they go by weight/gender categories or not, but a variety of different opponents would do you good. Size and weight isn't everything, I'm quite a lightweight fighter at 5'11 and ~80 kg, and I'm used to fighting taller and heavier opponents.

I had a friend who I sparred frequently with in my youth who was 6'5 and over 100kg, while I was around ~60 kg in my teens. It's because of him I learnt how to fight folks much larger than me. At first I was a grasshopper lol, but after a while I learnt to use his own momentum and weight against him. Shorter means I have better anchor as well - a lesson I also learnt when fighting short/stocky folks (and getting my butt handed to me back in the day)

Multiple opponents is also good, teaches you situational awareness. I don't know if Muay Thai teaches it, I know Krav Maga reputedly does however. I learnt everything the hard way when I was young, in the end, every art seems to have their own weaknesses. But overall I found Muay Thai techniques to be the best with dealing damage via striking, mainly because of its usage of elbows/knees, which is forbidden in many other martial arts for some reason.

Probably because it's 'dirty fighting'


----------



## tripad

But i like it 

I find it realistic .

In real fight , as my brother says , it is "dirty" and he says never to consider integrity and i must use every advantage or weapon or every opportunity to cheat attack that i can get hold of .


----------



## tripad

I am 5 ft 1" and 50 kg so i will probably end up kicking or clawing a 6 ft man's balls . Hope they allow that in muay thai .

Lol .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> (smiling )
> 
> Probably he is .
> 
> FIP
> 
> sometimes getting into fitness and you feel lean and strong and you don't want those muscles to become jelly again .like when i was pregnant .
> 
> It took pounds and cellulite off and honestly it takes years off my looks too !


I think I'm going to try to get into a better fitness and eating after the move is done, and try to drop some pounds before I try to get into something like this. 

But I'm seriously considering it.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> (smiling )
> sometimes getting into fitness and you feel lean and strong and you don't want those muscles to become jelly again .like when i was pregnant .
> 
> It took pounds and cellulite off and honestly it takes years off my looks too !


I haven't owned a scale since I moved on my own, so I honestly have no idea where my weight is. I do know that since I have been running consistently, I feel like I look great - for the first time in my life. I wear clingy little dresses, and don't feel like I need to cover up with a sweater. It's a pretty sweet little side benefit.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TooNice said:


> I haven't owned a scale since I moved on my own, so I honestly have no idea where my weight is. I do know that since I have been running consistently, I feel like I look great - for the first time in my life. I wear clingy little dresses, and don't feel like I need to cover up with a sweater. It's a pretty sweet little side benefit.


I call it the separation or divorce diet. I've dropped 25 lbs since I my ex and I split. Exercise, stress, reducing alcohol significantly, and eating much better on my own. After being in a sexless marriage for so long I needed to feel sexy and alive again. I have sooooo much more energy now and I can see my abs again . 

This Muay Thai is a bit intimidating. Although I feel in pretty good shape (5'3" and 112lbs), I'm not that strong. I'm also not used to contact sports. And I'm in my late 40s. But still, I can make myself go to one class at least just to check it out. 

Wish I had one of you ladies closer to me to go with!!


----------



## tripad

Hey 

I am 47 but i look 38 ! 

Better than my mummy friends who are 38 !

I wish we are near too !!!!! 

Ans yes i wear tight clothes now too .

A single dad neighbour said i look good after divorce .lol


----------



## FeministInPink

So, update on the move/downsizing:

My sister drove 3 hrs to my place yesterday to help with some packing and take away stuff for a yard sale, which she's planning for September. She's planning on advertising it as a moving sale (which it is) to get more people in. She has a big SUV, and we filled it to the gills! And there was still more stuff that I want to sell that we couldn't fit in her SUV. She says she wishes that she could come back and help me some more, and take more stuff, but she can't manage it with her work schedule next weekend. 

And so she says that she likes my tv console (which I want to sell), and suggests that I move it with everything else, and mom and dad can bring it back after they visit me in September, after the move (they're coming to see the show). Which gives me an idea... so today I give my dad a call and say, hey, what are you doing next weekend? Long and short is: dad is bringing his pickup truck next weekend to take away the tv console and even MORE stuff for the sale!!! I'm super excited. This is going to help out SO much. He's probably going to come on Friday.

The next two days I'm going to be packing books like a fiend. I'm donating all the books I'm NOT taking to this used bookstore--it's a non-profit that supports parental engagement in city schools. They provide pick-up services for large (5+ boxes) donations, but only on Wednesdays. So I need to have ALL the books packed by Tuesday night, so I can put them on the porch Wednesday morning. I already have 5 boxes, and I feel like I haven't made a dent! Luckily, I've already sorted out *most* of the books I want to keep, so it's mostly a matter of just putting them in boxes, but that still takes time.

So tonight: Try to do a quick sort for more stuff to trash (pick-up in the AM), and pack a couple more boxes of books. Tomorrow: after rehearsal (hopefully, we'll end early), pack up the rest of the books. Wednesday & Thursday: pack up the rest of the stuff for the sale, and set aside other large sale items that can't be packed.

8 DAYS until I am in my new place!


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> But i like it
> 
> I find it realistic .
> 
> In real fight , as my brother says , it is "dirty" and he says never to consider integrity and i must use every advantage or weapon or every opportunity to cheat attack that i can get hold of .


And he is right



> I am 5 ft 1" and 50 kg so i will probably end up kicking or clawing a 6 ft man's balls . Hope they allow that in muay thai .
> 
> Lol .


Ha! Probably not

Sparring is good but it does limit your technique as you hold back with your partners - who can be your mates, hence why when I was younger I also went out looking for fights.

But that's me, and there's enough techniques in Muay Thai that's allowed with their full contact sparring, just (and even more) as damaging as a kick to the balls.


----------



## tripad

FIP from DC as mentioned

Rd

Sarahmcd

Toonice

Where are you all from? 

Anyone from singapore ? 

Maybe we can meet n party or do muay thai ?

Gosh i need to get new friends , single ones , i dont mean man , but just friends , man or ladies . It's rather lonely as other old gf are with families .


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Or even better, this:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS1JFa_EjmI
> 
> lol


That's just hot. Where do I get one of those?



Tripad, I loved Singapore when I was there. On and off from 2002-2005. I haven't had a chance to get back over there, but yeah.. Great time.


----------



## gouge_away

If you are looking for something with a lot less grace and way more finesse. Check out LINE combat. Its less focused on mechanics and competition, but way more focused on survivability.


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> That's just hot. Where do I get one of those?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcxQiYGupHg

Tony: "I want one!"
Pepper: "No!"


----------



## FeministInPink

I am SO TIRED... check this out:










That is FIFTEEN boxes of books, packed and ready for pick-up by my charitable org of choice, as of 3 am last night. I had to get them packed because they were scheduled to pick them up at 8 am this morning. If there was more I wanted to donate but didn't pack, I would have to drop it off myself, and y'all know i don't have time for that.

So, I weighted a couple of the boxes. They weighed 50# on average.

THAT MEANS I PACKED UP 750# OF BOOKS, Y'ALL! THAT IS A 1/3 TON OF BOOKS!!!

I kind of can't believe it. This is getting really real now.

And, OMG, I'm SO TIRED. I think I will take tonight a little easy. Tonight will be a "sit on the couch and shred all the paper, and fold the laundry" evening. I have just tons of old statements and things like that, and I'm really hesitant to just throw that stuff away, so I want to shred all of it. It's quite cathartic, too. Plus I need to keep doing laundry. I have two loads of clothes that need folded.

I've already collected 4 bags of clothes to donate. I'm hoping to have 2 more bags by the time I am done.


----------



## tripad

Fip
Take out a bottle of wine 

I am doing a glass now . Too stress .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> I am SO TIRED... check this out:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That is FIFTEEN boxes of books, packed and ready for pick-up by my charitable org of choice, as of 3 am last night. I had to get them packed because they were scheduled to pick them up at 8 am this morning. If there was more I wanted to donate but didn't pack, I would have to drop it off myself, and y'all know i don't have time for that.
> 
> So, I weighted a couple of the boxes. They weighed 50# on average.
> 
> THAT MEANS I PACKED UP 750# OF BOOKS, Y'ALL! THAT IS A 1/3 TON OF BOOKS!!!
> 
> I kind of can't believe it. This is getting really real now.
> 
> And, OMG, I'm SO TIRED. I think I will take tonight a little easy. Tonight will be a "sit on the couch and shred all the paper, and fold the laundry" evening. I have just tons of old statements and things like that, and I'm really hesitant to just throw that stuff away, so I want to shred all of it. It's quite cathartic, too. Plus I need to keep doing laundry. I have two loads of clothes that need folded.
> 
> I've already collected 4 bags of clothes to donate. I'm hoping to have 2 more bags by the time I am done.


:surprise::smile2: I'm glad I'm not the only one who saves folding laundry for "down" time while I'm catching up on my DVRd shows.. lol


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> :surprise::smile2: I'm glad I'm not the only one who saves folding laundry for "down" time while I'm catching up on my DVRd shows.. lol


I've run them through "Wrinkle Release" setting every day for a week with the intention of folding them, but I had to prioritize packing... which delays washing other items, like my quilt. So I need to do it. 

I won't be able to do this in the new place! I'll be sharing the washing machine with two housemates


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Fip
> Take out a bottle of wine
> 
> I am doing a class now . Too stress .


Great idea! I'll throw a bottle in the fridge before I go to rehearsal.


----------



## RandomDude

Ack... so much stuff! I like to live light, always have


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ack... so much stuff! I like to live light, always have


Why do you think I'm doing all this? 

My mother is a borderline hoarder. She never throws ANYTHING away, but she won't use things because they're "nice" and she doesn't want them to get broken (or used up). For example, whenever someone would buy my mom a nice bath set, she wouldn't use it--she would put it in the bathroom closet to "save" it, because if she used it up, she wouldn't have any more (and we were too poor for her to just go out any buy more, supposedly). So these bath sets and the like would just multiply like Gremlins in the bathroom closet, because they never get USED. I swear, there are bath sets in that closet that are 20+ years old.

I inherited a lot of this behavior from her, and that is what I am trying to break. I am purging myself of belongings that don't bring me the joy. I want to live lighter.

My dad is kind of amazed that I'm doing this. He said he thought it's really brave to let go of so much stuff.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Ack... so much stuff! I like to live light, always have


Nomadic genes. 
I have them too. Unfortunately we live in a society that equates, for whatever reason, homeownership and whatever mal-adaptations are required for that state, with mental and financial stability. :surprise:

I still can't get over that every bit of land in the country was appropriated from native populations, surveyed, and had a price tag put on it. Or cordoned off. It's hilarious to see a fat white guy refer to anchor babies. 

I like Iceland, and Mongolia...they didn't steal land from anyone else and call it theirs. And those are the two places left where for the most part you can camp out anywhere (although in Mongolia it's coming to an end.)

Anyhow, stuff is like a ball and chain when you need to pick up and go. Whether it's a physical or mental/emotional move. I even updated my 'mobile' home, i.e. tents/backpacking equipment to go for more lightweight in prior decades.


----------



## Jeffyboy

muskrat said:


> I thought it would be neat to start a thread for all the new singles here at TAM. As we all know it is hard for others to understand what we have been through without experiencing it themselves. So this thread is a place to discuss moving forward with life. Meeting new people, dating (when and how) and who knows maybe maybe someone will make a connection here. Anyway this is just a place to share your experiences and get and give advice for others.


----------



## tripad

I like it light too .

But my ex left a lot of junk n i have not found time to clear since i am working my ass off to feed my kids after what he did . 

For a man , he has more junk and rubbish than me .


----------



## Jeffyboy

I am glad to see anyone surviving...as a single man I am torn between sex and food does anyone else have this problem?


----------



## tripad

How could anyone be torn btw sex and food ? 

If you have nice food with gf and feeling nice n warm , you can have sex ?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Jeffyboy said:


> I am glad to see anyone surviving...as a single man I am torn between sex and food does anyone else have this problem?


Any kind of biological stress will make you want to f*ck more, on average, so that your genetic material will survive, even if you ultimately die of starvation.

For a woman, it's different. When there's actual starvation, reproductive functions stop, but sadly, in times of near-scarcity, more reproduction will occur in order to ensure survival. 

In advanced civilizations, we can ignore all this and pretend to be romantic. :crying:


----------



## RandomDude

Heh for me I always give away all my furnishings when I move - like, gave ex all our household belongings - she bought them anyway! She be sedentary and me be nomadic  ), and all the stuff I have that I keep (excluding vehicles) is like... hmmm, only need probably just 4 boxes lol

When people buy me gifts, if it's not perishable goods, I give it to others too! I just don't tell them  otherwise they get offended with the wrong impression!

I moved everything with one car, and even now I can pack and move within hours! I can also live completely mobile if I wish in my yacht! But as much as I love the water, I can't imagine living on my boat. Nah need solid ground!


----------



## tripad

Yatcht nice !


----------



## TheGoodGuy

tripad said:


> Yatcht nice !


No kidding right? RD, can I fly down there and borrow it for a week or so? >


----------



## tripad

Great idea . We can all go over for a sail party ?


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Lots of yachts here where I live, besides it's a coastal city 

I still wish I can move though, but my business and my daughter is here. I want a house by a canal where I can moor my boat in my backyard, but for that where I live, prices are extortionate  I'm not that rich - I'm just single


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Books don't count on the clutter scale. Why else would people have libraries?


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Books don't count on the clutter scale. Why else would people have libraries?


They can if you have too many


----------



## RandomDude

Book burning ceremony commences! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf-HZz5Qv8E

Also, hitler's reaction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-4NzP5Y3w8


----------



## RandomDude

Oh btw, is it not "manly" to like cute things? lol


----------



## RandomDude

... I killed the thread (again)... waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!


----------



## tripad

RD

How did you kill the thread ?


----------



## RandomDude




----------



## gouge_away

So.. Friend says she really enjoys our friendship, but she wouldn't date me (she wanted to hang out, I said ok) because she has been on both sides of the rebound, and she knows the first person you get involved with you end up hurting, "I call not it!" Her words.

I said "I understand, been there too... Your a nice friend to have and I wouldn't want to end up hurting you."

_So its just two friends going out right....._

Then she says, "but I would consider having sex with you, I'd take one for the team, and because your beautiful."

I replied, "I am beautiful, and I think sex is beautiful, I want to keep it that way."
......
I just want to have a good time, without changing anything. I would totally go for it if I knew the friendship would stay stable, but I really don't know, sex is kinda a attachment thing for me, I don't think I could have sex for just sex.

I think it took her a lot of courage to come out and say this. I don't want her to be totally embarrassed bringing it up.

I also don't think I would be able to say no in the moment, I've been kind of fantasizing about it since she brought it up.
Date is Thursday night.


----------



## tripad

Really first mate is always rebound ?

Is that why the guy is not making a move on me even though i.gave green light ?


----------



## Lone Shadow

Exactly RD. I want one!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Long weekend.
No thread killing, just people out having fun away from computers.
Apparently not enough fun for some. Tripad, green light seems insufficient. You need to kick his foot off the brake pedal?
Maybe some people want a relationship before sex, it does happen...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

gouge_away said:


> So.. Friend says she really enjoys our friendship, but she wouldn't date me (she wanted to hang out, I said ok) because she has been on both sides of the rebound, and she knows the first person you get involved with you end up hurting, "I call not it!" Her words.
> 
> I said "I understand, been there too... Your a nice friend to have and I wouldn't want to end up hurting you."
> 
> _So its just two friends going out right....._
> 
> Then she says, "but I would consider having sex with you, I'd take one for the team, and because your beautiful."
> 
> I replied, "I am beautiful, and I think sex is beautiful, I want to keep it that way."
> ......
> I just want to have a good time, without changing anything. *I would totally go for it if I knew the friendship would stay stable, but I really don't know, sex is kinda a attachment thing for me, I don't think I could have sex for just sex.
> *
> I think it took her a lot of courage to come out and say this. I don't want her to be totally embarrassed bringing it up.
> 
> I also don't think I would be able to say no in the moment, I've been kind of fantasizing about it since she brought it up.
> Date is Thursday night.


If this is how you feel about sex then DO NOT try to do the casual FWB thing with her. (or anyone) Trust me, I have made that mistake...I feel the same as you do and I tried it anyway. Got myself hurt, wasn't worth it.


----------



## RandomDude

I would! But thats coming from someone who's not emotionally available so... my opinion doesnt count 

Honestly though I dont know why people have a hard time detaching sex from lovey dovey


----------



## gouge_away

I think the emotions help me feel safe. Like I'm not taking a bath in somebody else's bathwater. That's really all I can think as far as what links emotions to sex. This belongs to me, its all mine, and vise versa.

Were going to goto a park and do some Buddha mediating. De-stress for an hour, clear our minds. Hopefully its not yoga, cause the emotions will be the last thing on my mind.


----------



## FeministInPink

I haven't been on TAM for a few days... After two truckloads of stuff to Pennsylvania, 15 boxes of donated books, an extended holiday weekend, and two nights of near-total sleep deprivation, I am happy to say that I am now a resident of Virginia. Last night, I said goodbye to my home of 9 years and locked the door for the final time.

It's kind of exciting to embark on this new phase of my life


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Good job FIP, and good luck in your new chapter of life!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I haven't been on TAM for a few days... After two truckloads of stuff to Pennsylvania, 15 boxes of donated books, an extended holiday weekend, and two nights of near-total sleep deprivation, I am happy to say that I am now a resident of Virginia. Last night, I said goodbye to my home of 9 years and locked the door for the final time.
> 
> It's kind of exciting to embark on this new phase of my life


Adventure awaits!


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> I haven't been on TAM for a few days... After two truckloads of stuff to Pennsylvania, 15 boxes of donated books, an extended holiday weekend, and two nights of near-total sleep deprivation, I am happy to say that I am now a resident of Virginia. Last night, I said goodbye to my home of 9 years and locked the door for the final time.
> 
> It's kind of exciting to embark on this new phase of my life


I'm sure it was scary, slightly sad, and also exciting all at once to close that door for the last time right? 

Onwards and upwards!!


----------



## TooNice

So excited for the next chapter for you, FiP!


----------



## tripad

Fip

Have fun


----------



## RandomDude

Wowee... hottie today, long black hair, tall with long smooth legs... but, so quiet, nothing interesting to say... meh


----------



## tripad

RD 

Just smooch 

Lol


----------



## RandomDude

Mates say she's single and I should have got her number, but meh, if there's no conversational chemistry fk it

Pity  Cause she's so my type physically
Gave me butterflies with her pretty eyes alone... *sigh*

Why can't the stars align just once? Bah!


----------



## Pluto2

FeministInPink said:


> I haven't been on TAM for a few days... After two truckloads of stuff to Pennsylvania, 15 boxes of donated books, an extended holiday weekend, and two nights of near-total sleep deprivation, I am happy to say that I am now a resident of Virginia. Last night, I said goodbye to my home of 9 years and locked the door for the final time.
> 
> It's kind of exciting to embark on this new phase of my life


So excited for you! Are you in NOVA? getting settled?
So many excellent vineyards to explore here.


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks for the well-wishes, everyone!



TheGoodGuy said:


> Good job FIP, and good luck in your new chapter of life!


Thank you! While I am moved, I won't be able to begin unpacking in earnest until Saturday morning, and even this weekend, unpacking will be limited. My show is in tech rehearsals this week, and we open on Friday, with performances on Saturday and Sunday as well. PLUS we have a promo performance on Saturday afternoon. It's going to be a busy week. Luckily, my roommates are very gracious about my boxes taking over the living/dining areas.



RandomDude said:


> Adventure awaits!


Once my show is over! In three weeks, I get my life back 



SARAHMCD said:


> I'm sure it was scary, slightly sad, and also exciting all at once to close that door for the last time right?
> 
> Onwards and upwards!!


It was, yes, all of those things!

When I was packing my stuff this past weekend, I came across this little figurine that I had made for my XH way back when, maybe 10 years ago. It was a little mini statue that I had made, and it was a little statue of HIM--it was this little guy in a chef jacket and hat, complete with my XH's glasses and goatee. I had spent hours on it , and had given it to him as a gift. Of course, my XH had thrown it into a box shortly thereafter and forgotten all about it.

So I set it on the window sill while I was packing, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it. I didn't want to take it with me, but I didn't want to thrown it away, either. So it sat on the shelf, until that very last night in the apartment. After the remaining items had been packed into my car and all the trash taken out to the curb, I took the little totem and put him inside the kitchen cabinet, closed the cabinet door, turned out the lights, locked the door, and left.

It might sound a little silly, but it was symbolic for me, leaving him behind in the home I shared with my XH. It felt good.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks for the well-wishes, everyone!
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you! While I am moved, I won't be able to begin unpacking in earnest until Saturday morning, and even this weekend, unpacking will be limited. My show is in tech rehearsals this week, and we open on Friday, with performances on Saturday and Sunday as well. PLUS we have a promo performance on Saturday afternoon. It's going to be a busy week. Luckily, my roommates are very gracious about my boxes taking over the living/dining areas.
> 
> 
> 
> Once my show is over! In three weeks, I get my life back
> 
> 
> 
> It was, yes, all of those things!
> 
> When I was packing my stuff this past weekend, I came across this little figurine that I had made for my XH way back when, maybe 10 years ago. It was a little mini statue that I had made, and it was a little statue of HIM--it was this little guy in a chef jacket and hat, complete with my XH's glasses and goatee. I had spent hours on it , and had given it to him as a gift. Of course, my XH had thrown it into a box shortly thereafter and forgotten all about it.
> 
> So I set it on the window sill while I was packing, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it. I didn't want to take it with me, but I didn't want to thrown it away, either. So it sat on the shelf, until that very last night in the apartment. After the remaining items had been packed into my car and all the trash taken out to the curb, I took the little totem and put him inside the kitchen cabinet, closed the cabinet door, turned out the lights, locked the door, and left.
> 
> It might sound a little silly, but it was symbolic for me, leaving him behind in the home I shared with my XH. It felt good.


The love fact you left the EXH BEHIND!!! Time for a new start. A new life and a new beginning. I have family in Northern Virginia and love it.


----------



## bkyln309

Sorry I have been MIA. Must be the time of trying to move forward. I have finally decided to sell my large home and try to move to a smaller house. I want to change neighborhoods (go to the next step up) but its going to cost me to move to the new area. But I just like Feminist want to leave all the old behind. We chose this neighborhood and built this house with XH's family and work in mind. Now I want to make my own decisions and choose my own house. I finally pulled the trigger put the house on the market and felt very good about it all. But my BFF back East has been super negative about all my choices (from me moving to my current dating situation). I honestly am thinking of asking her not to contact me for awhile because I need as much positivity around me as I can get.

My OM has been super supportive. I really like that alot about him. I still dont think its a long term deal but he is kind and sweet and for me making my life mine. So I really ADORE him for that. 


My kids are doing better but it has been tough with school and football/cheer to get everything in. And work has been crazy.

Guess thats all for now!! Miss reading up on things.


----------



## RandomDude

Funny, ex is still living in our old home. She managed to refurnish the place but she's still seems happy living there, probably because of our daughter who sees it as home.

Normally the house gets sold in divorce no? Both folks moving on from the memories of the old, but then again I did transfer everything to her financially.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

5 dates.
10 days.
One man.
:-o
!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Funny, ex is still living in our old home. She managed to refurnish the place but she's still seems happy living there, probably because of our daughter who sees it as home.
> 
> Normally the house gets sold in divorce no? Both folks moving on from the memories of the old, but then again I did transfer everything to her financially.


I don't know what the percentage is on that. I'm still living in our marital home.. For now. She moved out and I got the home and custody of my daughter, for a pitence from my retirement account and she got her car. (I took the house off the table immediately when dividing assets since the down payment was from a wrongful death lawsuit when my son was killed before we met. Not a ton of money but it helped to do a down payment)


----------



## RandomDude

Your son was killed... what?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

It happened many years ago. My first child with my first wife when I was 19. We married too young too quickly and she was not ready to settle down. Left me for a guy she met while cutting hair when our son was about 15 months old. It was her visitation weekend, and she was moving from her friends house in with POSOM. They weren't watching him and the POSOM moved his truck and hit him. Our son was killed instantly. This was 15 years ago. 

The sickest part is she ended up marrying the guy and as far as I know is still with him.

ETA, she had just had a second child just a month before then. Timing of everything was off and the child looked nothing like me. I had a DNA test done and it was 100% not mine. Apparently it wasn't POSOM's either, she had been sleeping around with other customers from the stylist shop for a while. I knew how to pickem didn't I...


----------



## Pluto2

wow. I'm sorry for your loss GG, and glad she's not in your life.


----------



## RandomDude

WTF?! Now that's seriously messed up sh-t right there...

Hell I can't imagine going through the death of a child, personally if someone killed my daughter I won't care about the consequences, I will avenge her. Accident or not, I won't care!
She's my only reason to live at this point, take her away, and I will have nothing left to lose.

I admire your restraint, and strength to go through it. I sure as hell would have lost it, and throw away everything I have. All I have accomplished will have zero meaning anyway if my daughter is gone. Bah! Anyway, painful thoughts... *shakes it away*


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> It happened many years ago. My first child with my first wife when I was 19. We married too young too quickly and she was not ready to settle down. Left me for a guy she met while cutting hair when our son was about 15 months old. It was her visitation weekend, and she was moving from her friends house in with POSOM. They weren't watching him and the POSOM moved his truck and hit him. Our son was killed instantly. This was 15 years ago.
> 
> The sickest part is she ended up marrying the guy and as far as I know is still with him.
> 
> ETA, she had just had a second child just a month before then. Timing of everything was off and the child looked nothing like me. I had a DNA test done and it was 100% not mine. Apparently it wasn't POSOM's either, she had been sleeping around with other customers from the stylist shop for a while. I knew how to pickem didn't I...


Wow, that's something else. I don't know what to say, I'm just horrified. So sorry to hear about that. Your first XW sounds like a real winner


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Thanks guys for the support. I've lived a lot of live in my soon to be 35 years, that's for sure. It was a looong time ago, so I don't trigger too bad over it these days.
P2: Me too. She was my first real love, and I couldn't wait to spend my life with her (young and dumb). I found out later about all the other guys she had cheated with.. :banghead:
RD: It took everything I had not to kill the MFer. Not only had he "stolen" my wife from me, now he had taken my son as well. The cops were present at the hospital and at the funeral to make sure I didn't do anything rash. I'm glad for it. I think my son is more proud that I took the high road and didn't spend my life in prison. The rage still bubbles up every now and then, but dissipates quickly as I do have a lot to live for these days. Hard to take care of D9 from a jail cell. Plus they live a few states away so I'm glad I'm not bumping into them all the time. That in itself was a blessing when the moved out of this area many years ago.
FIP: Yeah.. Again, got married too early and quickly without really knowing who I was marrying. My second wife turned out to be a real winner too as we all know. Hopefully a few years of therapy and graduation from TAM has fixed my picker.. or at least made it more wary.. which it has.


----------



## tripad

Hey 
My heartfelt pain for you . I cant fathom your pain . I have two children .

Your son is in a better place amongst the sweet angels now . Little ones has a special place in heaven with God .


----------



## Lifescript

Good Guy, 

Kudos to you for how you handled the situation. I can't even imagine the pain you went through. So glad your second wife turned out to be a winner. Goes to show that in life one has to get up and take a chance because you don't know what great things are in store for you. 

I've been MIA. 

Hope all are doing ok. 

Good luck in your new place FIP. 

Brooklyn,

Sometimes are best friends tell us stuff we don't want to hear but it's because they are seeing it from outside and don't want us getting hurt or making a bad move. Some people are just negative and if your friend is like that then yes a little distance from her would be best.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Good Guy,
> 
> Kudos to you for how you handled the situation. I can't even imagine the pain you went through. *So glad your second wife turned out to be a winner. Goes to show that in life one has to get up and take a chance because you don't know what great things are in store for you. *
> 
> I've been MIA.
> 
> Hope all are doing ok.
> 
> Good luck in your new place FIP.
> 
> Brooklyn,
> 
> Sometimes are best friends tell us stuff we don't want to hear but it's because they are seeing it from outside and don't want us getting hurt or making a bad move. Some people are just negative and if your friend is like that then yes a little distance from her would be best.


He was being sarcastic  He and Wife #2 divorced after she cheated on him, too. And then she went to live in a teepee.


----------



## FeministInPink

Pluto2 said:


> So excited for you! Are you in NOVA? getting settled?
> So many excellent vineyards to explore here.


Yes, living in NOVA now! It was funny, driving home from rehearsal last night, to take the freeway AROUND the south side of the city and then drive over the Potomac INTO Virginia to get home. A little surreal. And it's a little funny how my neighborhood feels more urban than DC does in some ways--NOVA has a lot of high-rises, so it feels urban, but those are prohibited within DC. And my entire neighborhood is very walk-able, with bars and restaurants and shops, so that feels more urban. But it may be that my place is simply very close to the "downtown area," whereas my old place was primarily residential.

I've already been to a few vineyards in NOVA, but I'm hoping to check out more.


----------



## Pluto2

If you get a chance, check on the Winery at Bull Run. They have music and food trucks often on the weekend and the wine is pretty good.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> He was being sarcastic  He and Wife #2 divorced after she cheated on him, too. And then she went to live in a teepee.


Lol ok. I didn't get that. I'm slow today.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> He was being sarcastic  He and Wife #2 divorced after she cheated on him, too. And then she went to live in a teepee.


:rofl: Ya know, it's just funny to read it like you have it spelled out. That is pretty much what happened. 

I swear these girls did a VERY good job at hiding the real them and not bringing out the crazy ***** behavior until after we got married..


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TheGoodGuy said:


> Thanks guys for the support. I've lived a lot of live in my soon to be 35 years, that's for sure. It was a looong time ago, so I don't trigger too bad over it these days.
> P2: Me too. She was my first real love, and I couldn't wait to spend my life with her (young and dumb). I found out later about all the other guys she had cheated with.. :banghead:
> RD: It took everything I had not to kill the MFer. Not only had he "stolen" my wife from me, now he had taken my son as well. The cops were present at the hospital and at the funeral to make sure I didn't do anything rash. I'm glad for it. I think my son is more proud that I took the high road and didn't spend my life in prison. The rage still bubbles up every now and then, but dissipates quickly as I do have a lot to live for these days. Hard to take care of D9 from a jail cell. Plus they live a few states away so I'm glad I'm not bumping into them all the time. That in itself was a blessing when the moved out of this area many years ago.
> FIP: Yeah.. Again, got married too early and quickly without really knowing who I was marrying. My second wife turned out to be a real winner too as we all know. Hopefully a few years of therapy and graduation from TAM has fixed my picker.. or at least made it more wary.. which it has.


Ohmygoodness, so sorry for what you've experienced! Everyone has a story......hugs....


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> :rofl: Ya know, it's just funny to read it like you have it spelled out. That is pretty much what happened.


Well, that's how I remember it 



TheGoodGuy said:


> I swear these girls did a VERY good job at hiding the real them and not bringing out the crazy ***** behavior until after we got married..


Of course they did. I think people with mental issues are kind of wired to hide the crazy until they "catch" someone, and once that someone it locked in, it's OK to unleash the crazy.

My XH wasn't crazy, not literally, but he hid his true self for over five years, until after we married, and then the costume slowly unraveled until his true nature was revealed.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> Well, that's how I remember it
> 
> 
> Of course they did. I think people with mental issues are kind of wired to hide the crazy until they "catch" someone, and once that someone it locked in, it's OK to unleash the crazy.
> 
> My XH wasn't crazy, not literally, but he hid his true self for over five years, until after we married, and then the costume slowly unraveled until his true nature was revealed.


gosh

my ex too.

I married him thinking he is a simple down to earth honest man . He swears he is a man who cant tell lies and he fears god !

turn out he lied to me the entire 20 years i know him . cheated me .

now i just wonder if i date again , how do i see through the lies ?


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> RD: It took everything I had not to kill the MFer. Not only had he "stolen" my wife from me, now he had taken my son as well. The cops were present at the hospital and at the funeral to make sure I didn't do anything rash. I'm glad for it. I think my son is more proud that I took the high road and didn't spend my life in prison. The rage still bubbles up every now and then, but dissipates quickly as I do have a lot to live for these days. Hard to take care of D9 from a jail cell. Plus they live a few states away so I'm glad I'm not bumping into them all the time. That in itself was a blessing when the moved out of this area many years ago.


Hell bro, the cops wouldn't have stopped me! Revenge would have been my new life ambition at that point!

Yet you persevered, and had another child, guess that would hold back even me - another child that is. But I doubt I would have persevered to get to that point however. Truly bro, I'm normally very high on revenge, but to hear your story of perseverance and how your patience and temperance led to you having another child, and leading to a new life with new things to live for, it's quite inspiring... and humbling.

Respect mate


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> gosh
> 
> my ex too.
> 
> I married him thinking he is a simple down to earth honest man . He swears he is a man who cant tell lies and he fears god !
> 
> turn out he lied to me the entire 20 years i know him . cheated me .
> 
> now i just wonder if i date again , how do i see through the lies ?


Ex-wife's skeleton in the closet was her nymphomania, but it wasn't a quick switch post-marriage, it was gradual, especially after I went crazy working my ass off 84 hrs a week, so to this day I'm still confused whether I drove her crazy, or if she was crazy from the start.

Despite all this, I found it rather strange she was fiercely loyal in marriage. And had qualities to balance out the bad, even if it just wasn't enough in the end.

I can't say any of my exs were all that bad, issues perhaps, but they have been quite respectable, not cheaters or liars. Ex-GF herself, had no serious issues, but we were just not compatible long-term.

Guess it does pay to be picky...


----------



## tripad

Tbh

I was very picky 

I dump a few bad ass within 24 h .

Till my gf said i am not a woman .

Yet i pick a wrong one


----------



## RandomDude

For me I rely on my instincts, which I consider "subconscious information recieved but is yet to processed by the conscious cognitive functions of the brain" (my little theory)

It's not always accurate, and emotions, past traumas can cloud one's judgement too, but it's part of human intelligence IMO, yet alot of folks dismiss it, refuse to use it, trust it. Sometimes it's understandable that they do not wish to; ignorance is bliss after all no? I noticed in alot of the threads, red flags are everywhere yet the OPs don't wish to believe it. The conscious mind subduing the information of the subconscious because it's understandably painful.

But for me, so far by relying on instincts all my life, I managed to avoid the worst of the liars and cheats when it comes to relationships it seems. Some women just give me the bad vibe from the first second of meeting them. Others, more subtle, but I grew up trusting no one but myself, betrayal by family and abandonment kinda does that to ya, and even with people it's always a case of "what I trust them to do" instead of "who I trust", so meh...

My perspective of the world is different though, not a perspective I encourage, as it's very guarded. I only end up having meaningful relations with around 1 out of 100 people I meet. For close relations, 1 out of 500, for relationships, it's even less. But meh... my daughter is the complete opposite of me, she's very extroverted and open with people, lots of friends, both in school and in church (even though I can't stand the religion), and it's better way to live I reckon.


----------



## tripad

She is young 

Rd

We were there once 

Long ago

My boys lost their innocence when they knew what happened


----------



## RandomDude

She can break my heart later, for now, I cherish her innocence and wish to protect it. Already she's forced to go through divorce and split households but thankfully it has not damaged her as bad as other children - I credit ex-wife for this as well, our co-parenting relations have always been good.

We can't all be battle-scarred veterans! I want better for her, besides I did promise.


----------



## RandomDude

BTW... OMFG!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVdkMqlm6fc

:surprise:

Definitely going to use this to show folks who don't dance - that even BIRDS dance!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> TheGoodGuy said:
> 
> 
> 
> RD: It took everything I had not to kill the MFer. Not only had he "stolen" my wife from me, now he had taken my son as well. The cops were present at the hospital and at the funeral to make sure I didn't do anything rash. I'm glad for it. I think my son is more proud that I took the high road and didn't spend my life in prison. The rage still bubbles up every now and then, but dissipates quickly as I do have a lot to live for these days. Hard to take care of D9 from a jail cell. Plus they live a few states away so I'm glad I'm not bumping into them all the time. That in itself was a blessing when the moved out of this area many years ago.
> 
> 
> 
> Hell bro, the cops wouldn't have stopped me! Revenge would have been my new life ambition at that point!
> 
> Yet you persevered, and had another child, guess that would hold back even me - another child that is. But I doubt I would have persevered to get to that point however. Truly bro, I'm normally very high on revenge, but to hear your story of perseverance and how your patience and temperance led to you having another child, and leading to a new life with new things to live for, it's quite inspiring... and humbling.
> 
> Respect mate
Click to expand...

Thanks man. Wow. I'm just doing what feels right.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> BTW... OMFG!!!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVdkMqlm6fc
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Definitely going to use this to show folks who don't dance - that even BIRDS dance!


Hey those are my moves! Lol


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> gosh
> 
> my ex too.
> 
> I married him thinking he is a simple down to earth honest man . He swears he is a man who cant tell lies and he fears god !
> 
> turn out he lied to me the entire 20 years i know him . cheated me .
> 
> now i just wonder if i date again , how do i see through the lies ?


I think in dating, it's better to focus on the person's character vs. trying to figure out lies.
The reason for this is that of course in dating, especially early on, there will be censoring.
It's easier to figure out someone's character than to figure out censoring vs. lying.


----------



## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think in dating, it's better to focus on the person's character vs. trying to figure out lies.
> The reason for this is that of course in dating, especially early on, there will be censoring.
> It's easier to figure out someone's character than to figure out censoring vs. lying.


I think this saves heartache in the long run. At least from what I'm experiencing.


----------



## tripad

People hide their character flaw too


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> People hide their character flaw too


That's why it's so important to be secure and happy with yourself, it's easier to notice behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable and actually stand up to it/place boundaries to protect self.


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> Hey those are my moves! Lol


Heh, I like how he twirls his head around and headbangs too lol - and surprisingly - in complete tune!

In fact, he dances better than most humans on the dance floor haha!



> I think in dating, it's better to focus on the person's character vs. trying to figure out lies.
> The reason for this is that of course in dating, especially early on, there will be censoring.
> It's easier to figure out someone's character than to figure out censoring vs. lying.


I agree, I also found it's better to focus on figuring out the 'type' of person one is as a whole.


----------



## tripad

Whoosh 

Tough to find a perfect match for myself


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? :scratchhead:


----------



## tripad

RD

Scratch head wrt my post ? 

I mean i wonder if i can ever find someone to match me perfectly in chemistry in conversation in physical attraction in sex in famiky values in attitude to my n his kids .


----------



## RandomDude

Hell I can't even find chemistry let alone the rest lol

Personally I'm no longer putting my money on the stars aligning but I'm not closing myself from it anymore either, but that's just how I'm rolling


----------



## tripad

So that's what i am thinking about now .

Not dating now . No time . Working to feed my kids . 

If i date , i am thinking if dont get " the stars align " do i settle ?


----------



## gouge_away

tripad said:


> If i date , i am thinking if dont get " the stars align " do i settle ?


I would rather be alone forever than settle for a few years.
Been there, done that.


----------



## vi_bride04

gouge_away said:


> I would rather be alone forever than settle for a few years.
> Been there, done that.


Exactly.


----------



## TooNice

I won't settle, but I won't stop looking, either. I know he's out there. 

Having said that, I do hate the feeling I have right now. Met a guy for a quick, simple drink on Thursday. A quick drink that lasted four hours. Saw him again the next night and had a really amazing time. Fluttery teenage girl feelings kind of wonderful time. Texted a tiny bit yesterday morning, and haven't heard from him since.

I really could do without the insecure "ohmygosh - what if he didn't like me as much as I liked him" feelings. I'm sure all is fine. I'm usually a pretty confident woman, so feeling like this is just unsettling. Ergh. 

Gonna go bury myself in work and stop obsessing about it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

TooNice said:


> I won't settle, but I won't stop looking, either. I know he's out there.
> 
> Having said that, I do hate the feeling I have right now. Met a guy for a quick, simple drink on Thursday. A quick drink that lasted four hours. Saw him again the next night and had a really amazing time. Fluttery teenage girl feelings kind of wonderful time. Texted a tiny bit yesterday morning, and haven't heard from him since.
> 
> I really could do without the insecure "ohmygosh - what if he didn't like me as much as I liked him" feelings. I'm sure all is fine. I'm usually a pretty confident woman, so feeling like this is just unsettling. Ergh.
> 
> Gonna go bury myself in work and stop obsessing about it.


Haven't heard from him as in he isn't replying to your texts or you're just waiting for him to make first contact?


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I won't settle, but I won't stop looking, either. I know he's out there.
> 
> Having said that, I do hate the feeling I have right now. Met a guy for a quick, simple drink on Thursday. A quick drink that lasted four hours. Saw him again the next night and had a really amazing time. Fluttery teenage girl feelings kind of wonderful time. Texted a tiny bit yesterday morning, and haven't heard from him since.
> 
> I really could do without the insecure "ohmygosh - what if he didn't like me as much as I liked him" feelings. I'm sure all is fine. I'm usually a pretty confident woman, so feeling like this is just unsettling. Ergh.
> 
> Gonna go bury myself in work and stop obsessing about it.


Know that feel .

A friend just did something similar to me .

He was all keen while i was divorcing n i back off.

Now that i am avail and made known , he went cold .

I wonder why . Bah ! Can never guess . Don't bother .


----------



## TooNice

06Daddio08 said:


> Haven't heard from him as in he isn't replying to your texts or you're just waiting for him to make first contact?


I just sent one today with a suggestion of something to do together next weekend. Really... I'm sure I'm stressing over nothing. He's not a guy who is super tied to his phone, so I need to be patient. 

I just haven't felt a connection like this one since I started dating, so it's a bit overwhelming. :|


----------



## tripad

That should be your last text .

Did you have sex already ?


----------



## RandomDude

Ooooo romance! Butterflies! Lovey doveys! 

'tis cute!  And yes your mind tends to become outrageous in the face of it!

... I miss it


----------



## TooNice

No, I won't send anything else - I will definitely wait for him to respond now. I'm curious... why would it matter if we had sex "already" or not?


----------



## gouge_away

TooNice said:


> No, I won't send anything else - I will definitely wait for him to respond now. I'm curious... why would it matter if we had sex "already" or not?


If you did have sex and haven't heard from him in a days, or didn't have sex and haven't heard from him in days... 

Kinda makes a difference.


----------



## TooNice

It's only been since yesterday morning that I haven't heard from him, and I didn't send my date suggestion until about noon today. In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal - sex or not. I think...

To be fair, I just noticed that he has also not been on the dating site we met on. 

I normally do not spend much time on this stuff. I just really like this one, and would very much like to see him again.


----------



## RandomDude

One day? lol

Someone's infactuated


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> One day? lol
> 
> Someone's infactuated


I know...it's ridiculous! :x


----------



## RandomDude

Wish I can be infactuated, though that lady I met earlier had butterfly-inducing eyes, but then she opened her mouth and the butterflies dispersed cause theres no conversational chemistry 

Was nice while it lasted, my brain was high on chemicals! A reminder I'm not gay or asexual yet!


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> TooNice said:
> 
> 
> 
> No, I won't send anything else - I will definitely wait for him to respond now. I'm curious... why would it matter if we had sex "already" or not?
> 
> 
> 
> If you did have sex and haven't heard from him in a days, or didn't have sex and haven't heard from him in days...
> 
> Kinda makes a difference.
Click to expand...


Yup

If you had sex , n didnt hear from him., he is done .

If you didnt have sex , he may be busy , may not think you are right , may be tired of waiting for sex to happen as another easier fish is available for easy sex .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Wish I can be infactuated, though that lady I met earlier had butterfly-inducing eyes, but then she opened her mouth and the butterflies dispersed cause theres no conversational chemistry
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Was nice while it lasted, my brain was high on chemicals! A reminder I'm not gay or asexual yet!



Rd 

Like how did the butterflies got out of her mouth ? 

So we ladies here can learn to keep our magic in ? 

Although i don't think i have issue with that as i am in sales n teaching .

It is more like sometimes i just dont want to talk after talking fir a whole day .


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? For me the butterflies are in the belly, they flutter about when hormones go "lovey time!", which happened upon eye contact, but talking with her kinda ended up machine-gunning all these butterflies down so meh...

*shrug*

I'm sure there are a variety of reasons she was quiet/nothing interesting to say but whatever it is, meh. Don't really care, either it happens or it doesn't, and in this case it didn't happen - the magic that is. In the end she gave me the impression of the type of girl who goes out, sits there, doesn't talk and just look pretty. I could be wrong but whatever, that's the vibe she gave me. The last lady to give me butterflies could at least hold a conversation, even if she turned out to be so typically ignorant!

I just miss feeling what TooNice is feeling right now, I want to be complaining and stressing out and thinking too much over nothing again!


----------



## tripad

No you dont want to stress over nothing


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> It's only been since yesterday morning that I haven't heard from him, and I didn't send my date suggestion until about noon today. In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal - sex or not. I think...
> 
> To be fair, I just noticed that he has also not been on the dating site we met on.
> 
> I normally do not spend much time on this stuff. I just really like this one, and would very much like to see him again.


Any news yet ?


----------



## FeministInPink

I finally put sheets and blankets on my bed yesterday. It was really nice to sleep in a fully made bed. And I bought some (cheap) curtains yesterday, which I like because they match the green in my quilt. I put one up yesterday, and I'll get the other one up today.

BUT I discovered two things yesterday that were frustrating. I managed to mis-measure, and my nightstand is 1.5" too wide, and sticks out in front of the door. It's a little irritating, but I think I'm going to leave it until it drives me batsh*t crazy and I can't stand it anymore. I really like my nightstand, and don't want to replace it. Unfortunately, the layout of the room is a little odd, and there's no other configuration which will work with my current furniture. And, luckily, the door swings OUT (not IN), so the nightstand doesn't obstruct anything. 

So that was the first thing. The second is that there is only one 3-prong outlet in the entire room! It's causing me all kinds of headaches--basically, I have to buy all new extension cords/exchange the ones I already bought. My dad suggested using cheater plugs, but I am concerned about the safety factor. However, will is be any safer to run 50-75% of my stuff off a single outlet? I'll have to get an outlet splitter and run an extension cord to the opposite side of the room for my TV and Playstation; the outlet splitter will need to have enough outlets for my laptop and printer, or I'll be plugging a surge protector into that as well.

Plus, the extension cord I bought for my bed lamp and alarm clock is--SURPRISE--a three-prong extension cord, so I need to get a new extension cord... I thought I could use THAT extension cord for my TV and Playstation, but--SURPRISE--it's too short. So, I have to return one extension cord and one (possibly two) surge protectors, and buy an outlet splitter and two different extension cords. It has occurred to me that my laptop cord and my printer cord might be two-prong cords, so I might be able to get away without the outlet splitter if I get a two-prong surge protector.

Sheesh, I need a spreadsheet to figure this all out.

And I still have no food.


----------



## tripad

I like extension cords . Though unsightly . Trick is hang it in wall so u can sweep n clean .


----------



## Tulanian

OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish both seem to keep trying to set me up with women to whom I'm not attracted at all. I know, very superficial, but without knowing much about them individually what else can you go on? I've got to get in shape like NOW. The women I'm attracted to have no reason to go for a guy who looks like I do now (six foot, 280lbs, BMI = "LOSE WEIGHT"). I'd kill to have the metabolism of my early 20s...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Sheesh, I need a spreadsheet to figure this all out.


Nightstand not an issue. It will sort itself out.

Electric, you could possibly offer to pay for an electrician to come in and extend the grounded outlets in your room.
This would be safest option and possibly also one to preserve sanity.
In the end, probably also least costly so long as electrician does not need permit that would reveal rental to town/city which may or may not end up with code inspector showing up, tax assessment, etc. etc. etc. 

You will also sleep better knowing not going to start fire in rental, which while negating need to fuss over nightstand, might not tip the cost benefit scale in that respect. If you end up using cheater outlet and start fire in wall, will not end well for renting in future, though you will have much less stuff to move.


----------



## 4x4

Do I have to wait till my D is final to join the singles of TAM? :scratchhead:


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> Plus, the extension cord I bought for my bed lamp and alarm clock is--SURPRISE--a three-prong extension cord, so I need to get a new extension cord...


Break the ground prong off, just bend it right off, problem solved.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Yup
> 
> If you had sex , n didnt hear from him., he is done .
> 
> If you didnt have sex , he may be busy , may not think you are right , may be tired of waiting for sex to happen as another easier fish is available for easy sex .


Yikes-this doesn't sound good no matter what! I'd like to think I'm not completely off base about how our dates went. I still haven't heard from him, but I know he started a new job today, so I certainly don't expect to have him check in with me. Still working on patience. And hope I don't squeal like a little girl if he does call. ;-) 

If I'm wrong about this, it may lead to a dating break, though. It would suck to be that off with my emotions/connection. That would tell me it's time to reset and focus on me.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Sheesh, I need a spreadsheet to figure this all out.
> 
> And I still have no food.


When I moved last year, I was so excited to have my place just how I wanted it. Then I realized that one thing my ex and I never did was work on our home like it was a living project. If we hung a picture (I think we only had four), that's where it stayed. Furniture rarely got changed around, or new fixtures purchased. I had this glorious moment when I realized that if I hang something, I can keep my eyes peeled for something better, and be constantly improving my little space. What a remarkable feeling!

So, you will get there. You'll settle in and see things with new eyes after you've been there for a bit. It will come together. 

Perhaps you can hit the local home improvement place for suggestions about the electrical dilemma, though. They may have some clever solution for you. 

And go get some food, woman! 

Welcome to your new home.


----------



## TooNice

Tulanian said:


> OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish both seem to keep trying to set me up with women to whom I'm not attracted at all. I know, very superficial, but without knowing much about them individually what else can you go on? I've got to get in shape like NOW. The women I'm attracted to have no reason to go for a guy who looks like I do now (six foot, 280lbs, BMI = "LOSE WEIGHT"). I'd kill to have the metabolism of my early 20s...


How long have you been online dating?


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> No you dont want to stress over nothing


Yes I do! 

It makes me feel alive! Right now I feel dead, at least on the love department


----------



## SARAHMCD

4x4 said:


> Do I have to wait till my D is final to join the singles of TAM? :scratchhead:


No! I'm separated. I have to wait a year for divorce to be final. But I've started dating. And you don't even have to be dating to be on "Singles of TAM" Its all about our journeys moving forward.


----------



## FeministInPink

4x4 said:


> Do I have to wait till my D is final to join the singles of TAM? :scratchhead:


Yes! We are very stringent about rules here at TAM!!!

Kidding 

I started reading/posting on this thread before my divorce, but after it was a certainty. I think? Maybe not, I can't remember. But Sarah's right, it's about your personal journey, not arbitrary timeframes/ milestones.


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> 4x4 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Do I have to wait till my D is final to join the singles of TAM?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> No! I'm separated. I have to wait a year for divorce to be final. But I've started dating. And you don't even have to be dating to be on "Singles of TAM" Its all about our journeys moving forward.
Click to expand...

Where do you people find dates so fast ?

Sh!t . I want to move to your place now .

I dont even get to meet any man . And i cant paste divorced on my forehead so strangers can pick me up .


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> 4x4 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Do I have to wait till my D is final to join the singles of TAM?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> No! I'm separated. I have to wait a year for divorce to be final. But I've started dating. And you don't even have to be dating to be on "Singles of TAM" Its all about our journeys moving forward.
Click to expand...

Where do you people find dates so fast ?

Sh!t . I want to move to your place now .

I dont even get to meet any man . And i cant paste divorced on my forehead so strangers can pick me up .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> No you dont want to stress over nothing
> 
> 
> 
> Yes I do!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It makes me feel alive! Right now I feel dead, at least on the love department
Click to expand...


Same here 

Maybe you can check out if butterflies fly out of my mouth and i can check out your yacht ? ;-) ( grin )

But you are too far . Sigh .


----------



## FeministInPink

OLD (OnLine Dating) can be hit or miss, I've found. I've had some success, but also a lot of duds.

I'm also using the free sites. Haven't ventured onto the pay sites yet, which I've heard are better.

I'm also not terribly invested in finding someone. I'm more interested in finding regular sex than a relationship. Though it seems that a relationship is probably the best avenue to regular sex


----------



## tripad

yup BIBI

I was not ready to date and it didnt bother me .

one month back , I got my live and work back on track and I thought a date will be nice .

ANDDDDDDD

i realised no man around me ( I work with children )

Well , there's a single dad in schoool who stares and drools haha yes so NO I wont even think of going on a date with him no matter how desperate I am .

There is another cute single dad who showed he was keen when I was divorcing and then when I hinted i am available , he didnt ask me out again . I guess he is busy or with someone now . Well , at least he is decent not to double time .

YUP 

RD

feeling a little dead now


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> OLD (OnLine Dating) can be hit or miss, I've found. I've had some success, but also a lot of duds.
> 
> I'm also using the free sites. Haven't ventured onto the pay sites yet, which I've heard are better.
> 
> I'm also not terribly invested in finding someone. I'm more interested in finding regular sex than a relationship. Though it seems that a relationship is probably the best avenue to regular sex


hey
such sites have guys generally from the states ? 
I am in asia so it is unlikely I will ever get to date these guys ?


----------



## 4x4

FeministInPink said:


> Yes! We are very stringent about rules here at TAM!!!
> 
> Kidding
> 
> I started reading/posting on this thread before my divorce, but after it was a certainty. I think? Maybe not, I can't remember. But Sarah's right, it's about your personal journey, not arbitrary timeframes/ milestones.


I'm doing pretty well with regards to the divorce so far. There was a one day where the finality of it finally hit me. A couple days where I felt a little emo after dealing with her. Mostly though I've already been through the big emotional hurdles over the past year and multiple separations before the final end.

I think the hardest part now is just getting through feeling alone. I put in a lot of hours jogging and walking when that strikes, and generally try to keep myself busy. I know that's just natural stuff to get through. I lined up a new job this week. Need to get through the sale of house, splitting final assets, and decide where I'm going to live next. Lots of changes all around to deal with, but getting there. Unlike many here on TAM, our D is generally amicable which helps.

Two/three months from now should be a whole new world.


----------



## RandomDude

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 

I'm happy, cause my baby girl is happy and being cute! Funny, is it just me, or am I just happier since I have my daughter over more often?

Been venting alot less... bah!


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
> 
> I'm happy, cause my baby girl is happy and being cute! Funny, is it just me, or am I just happier since I have my daughter over more often?
> 
> Been venting alot less... bah!


Pretty ladies have that effect on you


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Pretty ladies MAKE me vent, like the last two (hundred)... bah!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
> 
> I'm happy, cause my baby girl is happy and being cute! Funny, is it just me, or am I just happier since I have my daughter over more often?
> 
> Been venting alot less... bah!


Love and happiness start at home.
They ARE contagious, the kid is doing something right.
They know best; they really are a gift to us adults.

My home life is awesome, it all radiates from there.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> People hide their character flaw too


They can try but the internal sh*t detector of a person with a good heart and sound mind will sound the alarm with character flaws.

You should feel safe in all respects. If you don't, then this person is not for you.


----------



## tripad

Try to get it right next time


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Love and happiness start at home.
> They ARE contagious, the kid is doing something right.
> They know best; they really are a gift to us adults.
> 
> My home life is awesome, it all radiates from there.


Aye! I spent too long being a weekend dad, during the weekdays home was empty, lonely, depressing, even with my cat or with dates or ex-GF, just didn't feel alive, and mostly stresses me out. Hard to switch off.

Now it just well... feels like home 

Alot of young women can't handle single dads it seems though, and I watched many flutters become cold shoulders as soon as they learn I have a kid - and that she's priority!

Half time the only way they seem to continue to show interest after that is when I start throwing money at them... bah!


----------



## tripad

Simliarly would a guy date love a single mum ? 

Maybe not. Maybe .

But i am definitely not throwing money at a man !!!!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

I wouldn't - which makes me a hypocrite no? Heh
Chances are I would probably be more compatible with a single mother, than the usual under-30s I've been dating. But I know I hate all kids except my own or family - so in the end I've dug myself a little hole it seems!

And no, throwing money at men doesn't work  Well, wouldn't work on me anyway lol
Wealth easily impresses alot of women in the big city though it seems, especially while I still have my youth


----------



## gouge_away

I have dated single mothers, and I actually feel that the relationship matures much faster than dating singles without kids.

At least mothers understand the responsibilities of parenting, and why its not practical to try and find a sitter last minute Saturday night so you can meet them out 1 hour before bar close because they ran out of cash.

Single mothers understand!


----------



## Tulanian

TooNice said:


> How long have you been online dating?


Off and on, a little over two years. I had a few dates when I first started, mostly to prove to myself that I could actually go out there and attract someone after going two years without sex or affection. Then I kind of lost interest because I started feeling like the kind of women I'm attracted to aren't going to go for someone in my shape. I got active again a few months ago, with results that are the usual mixture of hopeful and utterly depressing.

I will say that Tinder is a great way to feel like crap about yourself.


----------



## Tulanian

RandomDude said:


> Aye! I spent too long being a weekend dad, during the weekdays home was empty, lonely, depressing, even with my cat or with dates or ex-GF, just didn't feel alive, and mostly stresses me out. Hard to switch off.
> 
> Now it just well... feels like home
> 
> Alot of young women can't handle single dads it seems though, and I watched many flutters become cold shoulders as soon as they learn I have a kid - and that she's priority!
> 
> Half time the only way they seem to continue to show interest after that is when I start throwing money at them... bah!


Try telling them you've got four, and two are autistic.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Nightstand not an issue. It will sort itself out.
> 
> Electric, you could possibly offer to pay for an electrician to come in and extend the grounded outlets in your room.
> This would be safest option and possibly also one to preserve sanity.
> In the end, probably also least costly so long as electrician does not need permit that would reveal rental to town/city which may or may not end up with code inspector showing up, tax assessment, etc. etc. etc.
> 
> You will also sleep better knowing not going to start fire in rental, which while negating need to fuss over nightstand, might not tip the cost benefit scale in that respect. If you end up using cheater outlet and start fire in wall, will not end well for renting in future, though you will have much less stuff to move.


I did a little more research online, and I am definitely NOT going to use the cheaters. 

However, I will use an outlet splitter, if I need to. They are perfectly safe, as long as you're using a newer one, and not one from 10+ yrs ago. I don't think I'll need it, though--I have to check the AC cords for my printer and laptop, but I think they are both 2-prong cords. So I will probably just use one 3-prong extension cord for my TV and Playstation.

And--one of the reasons I'm using all new cords (I chucked the ones from my old place) if because I was thinking safety first. And as long as I turn off my TV/Playstation when not in use, it should be fine.



gouge_away said:


> Break the ground prong off, just bend it right off, problem solved.


That sounds like a not-good idea. I'd rather just return the extension cord, and buy a new one with the correct number of prongs.



TooNice said:


> When I moved last year, I was so excited to have my place just how I wanted it. Then I realized that one thing my ex and I never did was work on our home like it was a living project. If we hung a picture (I think we only had four), that's where it stayed. Furniture rarely got changed around, or new fixtures purchased. I had this glorious moment when I realized that if I hang something, I can keep my eyes peeled for something better, and be constantly improving my little space. What a remarkable feeling!
> 
> So, you will get there. You'll settle in and see things with new eyes after you've been there for a bit. It will come together.
> 
> Perhaps you can hit the local home improvement place for suggestions about the electrical dilemma, though. They may have some clever solution for you.
> 
> And go get some food, woman!
> 
> Welcome to your new home.


I'm sure it will all come together... I'm just anxious to get everything unpacked and set up, but that's a pretty big project.

And I DO have a little bit of food, if carry-put leftovers count. I'm going grocery shopping tonight. I'm going to check out the new Wegmans. Hooray!


----------



## FeministInPink

4x4 said:


> I'm doing pretty well with regards to the divorce so far. There was a one day where the finality of it finally hit me. A couple days where I felt a little emo after dealing with her. Mostly though I've already been through the big emotional hurdles over the past year and multiple separations before the final end.
> 
> I think the hardest part now is just getting through feeling alone. I put in a lot of hours jogging and walking when that strikes, and generally try to keep myself busy. I know that's just natural stuff to get through. I lined up a new job this week. Need to get through the sale of house, splitting final assets, and decide where I'm going to live next. Lots of changes all around to deal with, but getting there. Unlike many here on TAM, our D is generally amicable which helps.
> 
> Two/three months from now should be a whole new world.


It will be. You'll feel very different after the divorce is final, and very different a year after that. It's interesting to watch yourself change and grow, but you have to pay attention.


----------



## FeministInPink

Bibi1031 said:


> I'm with the ones that know that in the beginning looks are very important because it's the first thing you notice. My looks are gone at 50. Too much competition from the 30 and 40 year olds...sigh. Hence why I dread online dating. I don't want to feel awkward and insecure like I did in my youth, but I also miss intimacy that only another human partner can give me.
> 
> I don't want to kiss charming frogs before I finally find the prince.
> 
> I am getting to the point where courage conquers fear and finally take the plunge!


Don't get worked up over that. The men who are going after the younger women are most likely getting rejected by the younger women, and those guys aren't worth your time anyway. There are plenty of men who are interested in dating women their own age.

And you may think that your looks are gone, but I'm sure that's not as true as you think. Make sure you are eating right, drinking enough water, and taking care of yourself. And real beauty comes from within--a positive outlook can do more for your appearance than anything else. If you're all gloom and doom all the time, you will project that, physically. And you don't want to do that!


----------



## tripad

Exercise and healthy eating does magic to your looks .

I did that and lost 12 kg And i looked slim n fit just like before . Facial cleanser n mask.


----------



## FeministInPink

Bibi1031 said:


> Thanks Fem and tripod. My weight was okay until I developed diabetes, now literally everything I eat becomes sugar that turns into fat. Going through menopause is not helping the feelings of depression. I'm on meds so I am on my way to working those glitches out. I guess that is why I magnify my flaws a bit much. *I was never this scared or insecure. * My emotions are similar to how I felt when I was a teen going from baby fat body to nice womanly curves. Now it's backwards...sigh.
> 
> Yikes....I'm even depressing myself. Time for some sugar free ice cream to pick myself up.
> 
> Bibi


This is completely normal. Divorce is a major blow to one's self-esteem, which can be made worse, depending on the individual circumstances of your marriage and divorce. It can be very easy to be self-defeatist and think that no one will ever want you again. 

I've been there. I'm pretty sure most of the people on this thread have been there at some point.

You have to find a way to work through that, because it's simply not true.

If the people of WalMart can find love, SO CAN YOU.

There are three things I would recommend:

1) Start doing things that help you to learn to love your body. That means eating right and working out. Not because you're trying to lose weight, though that may happen. What I mean is, do these things because you need to love your body and treat your body well, and you need to appreciate everything that your body--as imperfect as it is--DOES for you, and what it is capable of, and what your body can achieve. Think about how amazing your body is--it keeps you ALIVE, it keeps you breathing so you don't have to remember, it carries you around wherever you want to go. That alone is pretty amazing.

2) Focus on boosting your self-esteem in ways that focus on your value irrelevant to physical beauty. What are you good at? What are you proud of? That sort of thing. You are so much more that an exterior physical shell. Figure out who that is, and be proud of her.

3) You might want to consider IC if you don't have one. A therapist can help with this stuff a lot. If you have one, bring this up and say that you'd like to work on all of this. Or get some self-help books on rebuilding after divorce/failed relationships.


----------



## RandomDude

> I'm pretty sure most of the people on this thread have been there at some point.


Not me, cause I'm too pretty!  Hehe

I like to think I am anyway


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Not me, cause I'm too pretty!  Hehe
> 
> I like to think I am anyway


Well, RD, that is because you are very special


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Well, RD, that is because you are very special


Special? With or without the quotation marks (""s)?


----------



## FeministInPink

Teasing you, honey. Just teasing


----------



## FeministInPink

OMG you guys, awful first-date-that-didn't-happen tonight!

I met this guy on Plenty of Fish, and we had been chatting since yesterday. He had been coming on pretty strong sexually via text, but whatever. After my XH, I like knowing that a guy is high drive up front. Even so, today I made an effort to steer the conversation in a non-sexual direction, because I'm a woman with a brain. I need more than dirty talk to keep me interested. When I did that, he kept calling me Ms Serious, like that was a bad thing. Still, chose to give him the benefit of the doubt... things don't always translate well via text.

So when a friend bailed on dinner tonight, he and I agreed to meet up.

Now, he only had one picture on his profile, and he was wearing a hat and sunglasses, so I didn't really know what he looked like. I asked him to send me some pics with his FACE so I would know what he looked like, which he said that he would, but he never did.

So I drive into the city to meet him. He just moved here, and his company is putting him up in a hotel. So I drive to the hotel, and text him that I'm in the lobby. He comes up to me, and I am immediately disappointed. 

His profile said that he's 34 (two years younger than me!), and that's clearly a lie. He's got to have a decade in me. Either that, or he's been doing some hard living. I don't find him remotely attractive. 

But, I think, give the guy a chance. An attractive personality can increase physical attraction.

So, he says that he wants to show me something in the hotel, and he takes me up to the top floor, where there is a supposedly haunted suite. The conversation is just awful and awkward. And then we get on the elevator to go back down, and he, like, POUNCES on me in the elevator, groping me and shoving his tongue down my throat. It's awful and wet and sloppy. And I'm totally fvcking cornered. So now I'm p!ssed off. Because I had asked him to reign it in with the sex stuff when we were texting, and on the phone, and he said I was being hot/cold, and I replied, no I just want to get a little more familiar with you first. And now, here we are in the elevator, I haven't given you any clues that this is OK, I'm not flirting with you at all, and you're just going to start grabbing at me and shove your tongue down my throat. 

So (thank god) we get off the elevator, and I tell him that was too much, too soon. He doesn't seem too happy about it, nor does he apologize. And we're walking towards the lobby, and he fvcking grabs my ass.

At this point, I'm done. There's no way he's going to redeem himself now. 

So I turn to him, and I say, "This might be a sh!tty thing to do, but I don't want to waste your time or mine. I'm really not feeling this, so I'm going to go home."

He didn't seem surprised. He said "Ok," turned around and walked back towards the elevators. 

At least he didn't make a scene. And the thing in the elevator could have been a lot worse.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Teasing you, honey. Just teasing


I know 



FeministInPink said:


> OMG you guys, awful first-date-that-didn't-happen tonight!
> 
> I met this guy on Plenty of Fish, and we had been chatting since yesterday. He had been coming on pretty strong sexually via text, but whatever. After my XH, I like knowing that a guy is high drive up front. Even so, today I made an effort to steer the conversation in a non-sexual direction, because I'm a woman with a brain. I need more than dirty talk to keep me interested. When I did that, he kept calling me Ms Serious, like that was a bad thing. Still, chose to give him the benefit of the doubt... things don't always translate well via text.
> 
> So when a friend bailed on dinner tonight, he and I agreed to meet up.
> 
> Now, he only had one picture on his profile, and he was wearing a hat and sunglasses, so I didn't really know what he looked like. I asked him to send me some pics with his FACE so I would know what he looked like, which he said that he would, but he never did.
> 
> So I drive into the city to meet him. He just moved here, and his company is putting him up in a hotel. So I drive to the hotel, and text him that I'm in the lobby. He comes up to me, and I am immediately disappointed.
> 
> His profile said that he's 34 (two years younger than me!), and that's clearly a lie. He's got to have a decade in me. Either that, or he's been doing some hard living. I don't find him remotely attractive.
> 
> But, I think, give the guy a chance. An attractive personality can increase physical attraction.
> 
> So, he says that he wants to show me something in the hotel, and he takes me up to the top floor, where there is a supposedly haunted suite. The conversation is just awful and awkward. And then we get on the elevator to go back down, and he, like, POUNCES on me in the elevator, groping me and shoving his tongue down my throat. It's awful and wet and sloppy. And I'm totally fvcking cornered. So now I'm p!ssed off. Because I had asked him to reign it in with the sex stuff when we were texting, and on the phone, and he said I was being hot/cold, and I replied, no I just want to get a little more familiar with you first. And now, here we are in the elevator, I haven't given you any clues that this is OK, I'm not flirting with you at all, and you're just going to start grabbing at me and shove your tongue down my throat.
> 
> So (thank god) we get off the elevator, and I tell him that was too much, too soon. He doesn't seem too happy about it, nor does he apologize. And we're walking towards the lobby, and he fvcking grabs my ass.
> 
> At this point, I'm done. There's no way he's going to redeem himself now.
> 
> So I turn to him, and I say, "This might be a sh!tty thing to do, but I don't want to waste your time or mine. I'm really not feeling this, so I'm going to go home."
> 
> He didn't seem surprised. He said "Ok," turned around and walked back towards the elevators.
> 
> At least he didn't make a scene. And the thing in the elevator could have been a lot worse.


:surprise:

Well... quite frankly if my daughter tells me such a story I'll be hunting this guy down. To 'educate' him of course... might include a few broken bones, but that's part of RD's lessons of life! If it went far enough I would be entertaining thoughts of 'cleaning' at that point. Sheez!

Seriously now, that's sexual harassment, if it was on tape (if there's cameras in the elevators), you can sue him no?

Hell if I was you I would be worried about getting into elevators with strangers after such an incident =/
Next time get pepper spray or tazer, or learn some combat sports.

My first girlfriend back at teens would have floored the guy and kicked him until he stopped moving for just grabbing her ass, let alone if he tried to force himself upon her.

Glad your safe though, close call.


----------



## FeministInPink

I never felt like I was in danger, it just really p!ssed me off.

I'm actually proud... I had the thought that it would be rude to cut out like that. Then I thought, fvck that! He's behaving badly, and I don't have to put up with this sh!t. I'm not going to tell him to fvck off, but I'm not spending another minute of my time on this twit.

And I also had a moment where I thought, I'm too pretty for this douche.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FIP, 
That's an AWFUL story. And scary too. I once had a guy on a first date try something similar...."I want to show you this really cool room that not everyone gets to see. I know someone who works here." It was at a W Hotel in NYC. We had been having drinks in the lobby bar. He was very strong on the sex talk as well. Silly me follows him! And pretty much the same thing. He shoved his tongue down my throat. I "politely" - why do women think we have to be POLITE after something like that? You even said "this may be a ****ty thing to do but..." like you were apologizing for ending the date early. Anyways, I politely said no thanks and he got all pissy and said I was cold and uptight and obviously not a passionate person. Ugggg. 

And right now I'm texting with a guy who keeps bringing it back to sex - see my post on Online Dating Pet Peeves. So I"m a bit concerned about that first date. 

Geez, why can't a woman be allowed to say she has a high sex drive without men assuming that means they'll be blown in the parking lot on the first date? We're PEOPLE. 

Glad you're ok. And good attitude!


----------



## FeministInPink

It also made me think... I've been very casually seeing (ok, sleeping with) this other guy. We shall call him J-Dawg, because I'm feeling a little cheeky this morning.

Anyway. The first-date-that-didn't-happen made me think... J-Dawg isn't interested in a relationship right now, so it's not like I'm his girlfriend or he's trying to woo me. But he has always treated me with respect, and he puts in the effort between (and after) to get to know me as a person. He's never treated me like I'm just sex; and he had always, ALWAYS made sure that I am OK with what's happening and that I'm comfortable. And if I'm not, he backs off on whatever that specific thing is immediately. 

Basically, the exact opposite of the first-date-that-didn't-happen guy.

So I texted J-Dawg later that night, just to tell him how much I appreciate his respect and consideration. His response was that he wanted to always make sure that I felt safe, wanted, and pleased.

Every man should be this way.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> FIP,
> That's an AWFUL story. And scary too. I once had a guy on a first date try something similar...."I want to show you this really cool room that not everyone gets to see. I know someone who works here." It was at a W Hotel in NYC. We had been having drinks in the lobby bar. He was very strong on the sex talk as well. Silly me follows him! And pretty much the same thing. He shoved his tongue down my throat. I "politely" - why do women think we have to be POLITE after something like that? You even said "this may be a ****ty thing to do but..." like you were apologizing for ending the date early. Anyways, I politely said no thanks and he got all pissy and said I was cold and uptight and obviously not a passionate person. Ugggg.
> 
> And right now I'm texting with a guy who keeps bringing it back to sex - see my post on Online Dating Pet Peeves. So I"m a bit concerned about that first date.
> 
> Geez, why can't a woman be allowed to say she has a high sex drive without men assuming that means they'll be blown in the parking lot on the first date? We're PEOPLE.
> 
> Glad you're ok. And good attitude!


YES!!!!!!

(Were we with the same person?)

Just because I have a high sex drive doesn't mean that's all that I am. I'm a human being.

If you want to get into my pants, seduce MY BRAIN. Treat me like I'm a person. I'm not a fleshlight. I have feelings.


----------



## RandomDude

Next time, don't ignore red flags, cutting a date short is better than potentially risking your safety with guys like this.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> YES!!!!!!
> If you want to get into my pants, seduce MY BRAIN.


This is what men need to understand. THAT is where it starts. Get to know me; understand my needs, wants, desires, dreams, past, fears, hopes, etc. Make me feel safe and respected. Only then will I make myself vulnerable enough for the sex to be at the intensity level we need for it to be to be mind-blowing. :wink2: And I don't settle for less.


----------



## Tulanian

SARAHMCD said:


> FIP,
> That's an AWFUL story. And scary too. I once had a guy on a first date try something similar...."I want to show you this really cool room that not everyone gets to see. I know someone who works here." It was at a W Hotel in NYC. We had been having drinks in the lobby bar. He was very strong on the sex talk as well. Silly me follows him! And pretty much the same thing. He shoved his tongue down my throat. I "politely" - why do women think we have to be POLITE after something like that? You even said "this may be a ****ty thing to do but..." like you were apologizing for ending the date early. Anyways, I politely said no thanks and he got all pissy and said I was cold and uptight and obviously not a passionate person. Ugggg.
> 
> And right now I'm texting with a guy who keeps bringing it back to sex - see my post on Online Dating Pet Peeves. So I"m a bit concerned about that first date.
> 
> Geez, why can't a woman be allowed to say she has a high sex drive without men assuming that means they'll be blown in the parking lot on the first date? We're PEOPLE.
> 
> Glad you're ok. And good attitude!


I feel truly awful for both of you that you had to go through those experiences. It's disgusting and saddening at the same time.

As for why women can't say they have a high sex drive without assumptions being made, I'm afraid it comes down to our double standards. A man saying he has a high drive would be taken as "normal," and I doubt anyone would assume he's any more promiscuous or "easy" than any other guy. A woman saying the same gets labeled as as a 5lut and disrespected because our society does not approve of female sexuality as anything more than a vessel for male fulfillment. 

I'm not claiming for one second that I don't feel more interested in OLD profiles where the women express an active interest in sex. I've got the same interest, and I just went through the dry spell from hades, so yes I DO gravitate in that direction. But I don't make any assumptions, and when I chat with them it's never about sex, at least not in any initial conversations. 

Which isn't to say that I'm any more virtuous than any average guy, or that I'm at all opposed to getting blown in the parking lot on the first date or any other date.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> This is what men need to understand. THAT is where it starts. Get to know me; understand my needs, wants, desires, dreams, past, fears, hopes, etc. Make me feel safe and respected. Only then will I make myself vulnerable enough for the sex to be at the intensity level we need for it to be to be mind-blowing. :wink2: And I don't settle for less.


This is why it makes me a little sad that J-Dawg isn't interested in a relationship. All these things are possible with him, and the sex is already pretty mind-blowing. I'm going to have to put up a little fortress around my heart, lest I start to fall for him... if that happens, I will need to break things off. 

I know that I will have to break things off, eventually. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Next time, don't ignore red flags, cutting a date short is better than potentially risking your safety with guys like this.


I'm still learning what the red flags ARE and to trust my intuition, RD 

Trust me, I've learned a lot from this situation.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I never felt like I was in danger, it just really p!ssed me off.
> 
> I'm actually proud... I had the thought that it would be rude to cut out like that. Then I thought, fvck that! He's behaving badly, and I don't have to put up with this sh!t. I'm not going to tell him to fvck off, but I'm not spending another minute of my time on this twit.
> 
> And I also had a moment where I thought, I'm too pretty for this douche.



Fip

Slap that ********* !!!

He's a disappointment in the looks dept to start with .


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> FIP,
> That's an AWFUL story. And scary too. I once had a guy on a first date try something similar...."I want to show you this really cool room that not everyone gets to see. I know someone who works here." It was at a W Hotel in NYC. We had been having drinks in the lobby bar. He was very strong on the sex talk as well. Silly me follows him! And pretty much the same thing. He shoved his tongue down my throat. I "politely" - why do women think we have to be POLITE after something like that? You even said "this may be a ****ty thing to do but..." like you were apologizing for ending the date early. Anyways, I politely said no thanks and he got all pissy and said I was cold and uptight and obviously not a passionate person. Ugggg.
> 
> And right now I'm texting with a guy who keeps bringing it back to sex - see my post on Online Dating Pet Peeves. So I"m a bit concerned about that first date.
> 
> Geez, why can't a woman be allowed to say she has a high sex drive without men assuming that means they'll be blown in the parking lot on the first date? We're PEOPLE.
> 
> Glad you're ok. And good attitude!



No we dont have to polite .

Slap him next time .

Allow any **** head to put his slimy tongue down a woman's throat doesn't measure sex drive . It measure prosmicousity .

N next time tell them if they had better looks , you would have consider it .

That's why i was exploring muay thai previous post . In preparation for dating .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FiP, that was not a not a date and I suspect the guy wasn't really moving to the city or being put up in a hotel.

You can't compare apples and oranges. There are dates and there are predator psychopaths of various sorts.

Likely he's married and that wasn't even his own photo he posted in the first place.
What you have here is a psychopath who knows the laws and knows the mind of a nice person fairly well.
You were targeted and he tested you. Unfortunately you passed. Next time, don't be so non-judgmental.
If you ask for a photo and don't get one, move on. If the person isn't the same as he portrayed himself, walk away. 
Be more suspicious when someone wants to get you into an enclosed space for some weird reason. Stay in public view.
If you were playing for keeps, you could be dead right now, or enslaved. 
You got lucky, the guy only wanted what he got. He wanted to do the shock and awe and violate someone, and ruin at least one day of her life. He'll masturbate to that for a few days while he's waiting on his next target. Probably the next time he has to travel for work and wants to take out his frustrations on just a random woman, because he can and for no other reason. I'm 100% sure this guy did not want a date, nor was he trying to impress you. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was getting off on manipulating you, knowing you felt uncomfortable but were trying to be 'nice' and 'fair'. He played your strength against you. Next time, don't be so eager to display your strengths. The right person will recognize them, but don't put them on the table. Just say he should know better than to ask you to get in the elevator with him alone/or his car, etc.

When I was in DC a guy was really eager to give me a ride back to where I was staying. I consistently said no. He tried to argue. I held my ground. I said I won't be comfortable. Why do you want me to spend the whole ride being freaked out, that's not nice of you, you should know better. Of course, he could not argue with that. I said, if your mother or sister or daughter were to accept a ride from some guy like you they just met, what would you want them to do? Duh!

On the other hand, I went backpacking and camping with a guy on our 6th date. I figured I was better equipped to defend myself in the wilderness than he was to attack me. lol.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Oh, and he's just too lazy and cheap to be a real player. So that's a cheaper game he played.
If you kept cooperating he might have moved on to higher stakes, but I doubt it.
It's possible that kind of player can't hold an erection, so they go for the quick and dirty violation.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I'm still learning what the red flags ARE and to trust my intuition, RD
> 
> Trust me, I've learned a lot from this situation.


Yuck , what a fvcking pig! :surprise:

The sex talk before we ever met would be enough to keep me away...I don't appreciate or tolerate that crap.


----------



## bkyln309

And meeting at a hotel bar isnt a great idea especially if they are staying here. Its kind of like going to the guy's house on the second date. It says SEX is on the menu.

And as far as sex talk, I am no prude. I am not afraid to admit I am HD. But I have learned if that if it is the main conversation or sex is the conversation early on, he is not thinking I want to get to know her. He is thinking she is open to sex. It frames the getting to know you in a different way. The men who I have had relationships with have not talked to me about sex at all early on or very little. The men who I have had very open sex talks with turned out to be good sex partners or short term lovers but nothing that would go the distance. I think the conversation set the tone and expectation early on. Girlfriend material vs. sex partner material.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Every man should be this way.


We do exist ladies.. There's a balance that can be had between super ******* alpha and doormat.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Every man should be this way.


We do exist ladies.. There's a balance that can be had between super ******* alpha and doormat.

ETA: And holy smokes those are some scary stories. Always keep it to a public place on first dates. Apartments, hotel rooms, "secret rooms" are all red flags for that person to "escalate" things.


----------



## FeministInPink

Well, the *plan* was to meet in the lobby of the hotel and go get dinner. And there were plenty of people on the elevator going UP. Going back down was where things started getting hinky.

And y'all, I DO carry pepper spray in my purse.


----------



## FeministInPink

Huh. And he deleted his POF account. So I can't report him, I guess?


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> And meeting at a hotel bar isnt a great idea especially if they are staying here. Its kind of like going to the guy's house on the second date. It says SEX is on the menu.
> 
> And as far as sex talk, I am no prude. I am not afraid to admit I am HD. But I have learned if that if it is the main conversation or sex is the conversation early on, he is not thinking I want to get to know her. He is thinking she is open to sex. It frames the getting to know you in a different way. The men who I have had relationships with have not talked to me about sex at all early on or very little. The men who I have had very open sex talks with turned out to be good sex partners or short term lovers but nothing that would go the distance. I think the conversation set the tone and expectation early on. Girlfriend material vs. sex partner material.


Well, the plan was to go to dinner, not hang out at the hotel, or so I thought.

And the hotel bar thing never occurred to me as an odd thing, because I used to work in restaurants, and we hung out in hotel bars ALL the time. Even my non-restaurant friends liked to hang out in hotel bars.


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> OMG you guys, awful first-date-that-didn't-happen tonight!
> 
> I met this guy on Plenty of Fish, and we had been chatting since yesterday. He had been coming on pretty strong sexually via text, but whatever. After my XH, I like knowing that a guy is high drive up front. Even so, today I made an effort to steer the conversation in a non-sexual direction, because I'm a woman with a brain. I need more than dirty talk to keep me interested. When I did that, he kept calling me Ms Serious, like that was a bad thing. Still, chose to give him the benefit of the doubt... things don't always translate well via text.
> 
> So when a friend bailed on dinner tonight, he and I agreed to meet up.
> 
> Now, he only had one picture on his profile, and he was wearing a hat and sunglasses, so I didn't really know what he looked like. I asked him to send me some pics with his FACE so I would know what he looked like, which he said that he would, but he never did.
> 
> So I drive into the city to meet him. He just moved here, and his company is putting him up in a hotel. So I drive to the hotel, and text him that I'm in the lobby. He comes up to me, and I am immediately disappointed.
> 
> His profile said that he's 34 (two years younger than me!), and that's clearly a lie. He's got to have a decade in me. Either that, or he's been doing some hard living. I don't find him remotely attractive.
> 
> But, I think, give the guy a chance. An attractive personality can increase physical attraction.
> 
> So, he says that he wants to show me something in the hotel, and he takes me up to the top floor, where there is a supposedly haunted suite. The conversation is just awful and awkward. And then we get on the elevator to go back down, and he, like, POUNCES on me in the elevator, groping me and shoving his tongue down my throat. It's awful and wet and sloppy. And I'm totally fvcking cornered. So now I'm p!ssed off. Because I had asked him to reign it in with the sex stuff when we were texting, and on the phone, and he said I was being hot/cold, and I replied, no I just want to get a little more familiar with you first. And now, here we are in the elevator, I haven't given you any clues that this is OK, I'm not flirting with you at all, and you're just going to start grabbing at me and shove your tongue down my throat.
> 
> So (thank god) we get off the elevator, and I tell him that was too much, too soon. He doesn't seem too happy about it, nor does he apologize. And we're walking towards the lobby, and he fvcking grabs my ass.
> 
> At this point, I'm done. There's no way he's going to redeem himself now.
> 
> So I turn to him, and I say, "This might be a sh!tty thing to do, but I don't want to waste your time or mine. I'm really not feeling this, so I'm going to go home."
> 
> He didn't seem surprised. He said "Ok," turned around and walked back towards the elevators.
> 
> At least he didn't make a scene. And the thing in the elevator could have been a lot worse.



Holy hell, FIP. That's terrible!
Are you okay?


----------



## SARAHMCD

In my situation, the lobby of the W hotel in NYC is a hot spot - VERY busy and crowded. When he said lets go upstairs, well, that's where the restrooms are so again, people everywhere. It was when he kept walking past the restrooms to a side door talking about this "great spot" that I should have stopped and turned around. I still thought, well, even if we go through that door, there are hundreds of people on the other side. If I scream, someone is sure to hear me right? Except that music is blaring...so perhaps not.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Huh. And he deleted his POF account. So I can't report him, I guess?


That is a bad sign. He really was a predator. Yikes. 

Word of warning to the rest of us. Get lots of pics. Turn around and leave if he does not look like his pic. Its worth insulting him for our own safety.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> Holy hell, FIP. That's terrible!
> Are you okay?


Yeah, just p!ssed off, mostly.

Although everyone else here is starting to freak me out a little bit now, after the fact.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Just looking out for our TAM sisters, that's all FIP!


----------



## FeministInPink

He didn't delete his profile. He must have just blocked me. This is his profile:

Ubfreewme323 Travel food outdoors fitness

That's definitely not him in the picture, for sure. He's not 34, he's not athletic build, and he's not 6'0". And his eyes are not grey, they are BLUE.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> This is why it makes me a little sad that J-Dawg isn't interested in a relationship. All these things are possible with him, and the sex is already pretty mind-blowing. I'm going to have to put up a little fortress around my heart, lest I start to fall for him... if that happens, I will need to break things off.
> 
> I know that I will have to break things off, eventually. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.


Careful with this. I'm at the "oh **** I have feelings and going to possibly have to end it when I knew a relationship wasn't in the cards to begin with" stage.

Even going into it knowing doesn't make it hurt any less. The feels can suck it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, I know it will hurt if it gets to that point. But I've been hurt before, much worse.

And who knows what will happen? For all I know, he could be the one to get attached first. For all I know, not wanting a relationship right now could be all about logistics (he works nights, and moonlights as a bouncer on the weekends, when he doesn't have his kids), and not emotional whatever. For all I know, I might meet someone else.

And I'm not going to deprive myself of the good feelings now out of fear for the pain that may come later. I've spent too much time feeling numb in this life already.


----------



## TooNice

Holy wow, did I miss a lot today!

FIP, I am sorry that happened to you. And, Sarah, to you, too! But more than anything, I am glad you are ok. 

I also get turned off when a guy moves super fast before we even meet in person. (I actually got a MORNING invite to a guy's house on Match.com the other day. He was really working it for me to come over and start his day. Yeah... no.) 

I try to be pretty smart about things - we all need to be. When I get a phone number, or a last name, I google away. My state has a nice court documentation system online. I've avoided a couple of dates with guys who have restraining orders and battery charges out there. Doesn't help if they are from out of state, but it's something to work with when I can. 

It's sad that we almost need to go down a checklist of questions: Are you married? Are you a criminal? Are you looking for a ONS, or can we have a nice time without expectations? Sigh... it really does seem futile sometimes. Except the parts that are nice, are really, really nice...


----------



## 06Daddio08

I think the trick is to find someone who hits positive on a lot of things that you're looking for and go from there. Remove all the outside noise and be confident in your own decision making. Regardless of what others around you are doing or saying.


----------



## TooNice

06Daddio08 said:


> I think the trick is to find someone who hits positive on a lot of things that you're looking for and go from there. Remove all the outside noise and be confident in your own decision making. Regardless of what others around you are doing or saying.


For me, a little background checking helps remove some of the noise. Some of the questions about whether he has a wife or an abusive history can be off the table. 

You do make it sound so easy, though. I can't speak for others on here, but I thought I was pretty ok at that. Remember my amazing two dates guy...? Totally ghosted on me. I am honestly befuddled.


----------



## RandomDude

Ouchie =/


----------



## 06Daddio08

What I meant was eventually a person should have a good idea of what they're looking for, which helps eliminate a lot of wasted time. When you do end up meeting someone who's looking to be promising, try and enjoy it. Rather than looking for reasons not to (speaking in general and not just to you directly).

It's far from easy and takes a while to be okay with it. 

As for the ghosting, he's shown you something you're clearly not okay with. Don't waste anymore time on him.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I know it will hurt if it gets to that point. But I've been hurt before, much worse.
> 
> And who knows what will happen? For all I know, he could be the one to get attached first. For all I know, not wanting a relationship right now could be all about logistics (he works nights, and moonlights as a bouncer on the weekends, when he doesn't have his kids), and not emotional whatever. For all I know, I might meet someone else.
> 
> And I'm not going to deprive myself of the good feelings now out of fear for the pain that may come later. I've spent too much time feeling numb in this life already.


So... you're going to invest your emotions in him? Even though he's made it clear why you shouldn't?

Ack! Wimmen! -.-

You know I've been in his position several times right? It just ain't cool! Not saying to hold back or prevent yourself from feeling but direct your feelings elsewhere and just have him around for friendship and sex.

That's what I would want, and from sounds of things what he wants too at present time.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> 06Daddio08 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think the trick is to find someone who hits positive on a lot of things that you're looking for and go from there. Remove all the outside noise and be confident in your own decision making. Regardless of what others around you are doing or saying.
> 
> 
> 
> For me, a little background checking helps remove some of the noise. Some of the questions about whether he has a wife or an abusive history can be off the table.
> 
> You do make it sound so easy, though. I can't speak for others on here, but I thought I was pretty ok at that. Remember my amazing two dates guy...? Totally ghosted on me. I am honestly befuddled.
Click to expand...

If they are abusive to the wife , they wont admit it , would they ? 

What's your story on that two dates ? Where to read it


----------



## moxy

I don't really have any idea what I want right now, and I'm too easily swayed by lust. So, I am not actively entertaining anyone new at this time. :/ Sometimes, dating feels overwhelming, and one needs a break.


----------



## gouge_away

I think I've found her,
what to say, what to say.

She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is brilliant, emanates so well. When I look at her I feel my heart skip, physically skip, its kind of painful. I buzz when she tells me how she feels about me. The way she communicates is surrealistic. Our values and dreams align. Neither of us sees red flags. She is the most well adjusted person I know.
I feel so vulnerable to her. Everything she says strikes me, and I am so muddled I don't know how to respond, so I breathe deep and pray.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

Is it mating season? Lots of pheromones and butterflies and lovey doveys lately...


----------



## gouge_away

But no sex for me RD


----------



## Lone Shadow

gouge_away said:


> I think I've found her,
> what to say, what to say.
> 
> She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is brilliant, emanates so well. When I look at her I feel my heart skip, physically skip, its kind of painful. I buzz when she tells me how she feels about me. The way she communicates is surrealistic. Our values and dreams align. Neither of us sees red flags. She is the most well adjusted person I know.
> I feel so vulnerable to her. Everything she says strikes me, and I am so muddled I don't know how to respond, so I breathe deep and pray.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Is it mating season? Lots of pheromones and butterflies and lovey doveys lately...


Haha! 

Add me to the butterflies list.

I started FB messaging with a friend from high school last week about the Presidential race. That led to him asking for my phone number to continue a texting convo because he was leaving for work and didn't have Messenger on his phone. That led to texting a lot last night about the debate the night before and then he asked if he could call me and we talked for over 2 hours. I haven't seen this man in 25 years and he lives 750 miles away. Have to admit to crushing on him a bit through FB though (based entirely on his looks). It was really interesting to "get to know him" since he was 2 years older than me in HS (still is, haha) so we weren't exactly "friends." Lots of common friends, though. He may come "home" for Thanksgiving or Christmas and mentioned coming to see me, so we'll see. 

Even though I absolutely HATE talking on the phone, it was an expected fun evening and it's nice to have butterflies .


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So... you're going to invest your emotions in him? Even though he's made it clear why you shouldn't?
> 
> Ack! Wimmen! -.-
> 
> You know I've been in his position several times right? It just ain't cool! Not saying to hold back or prevent yourself from feeling but direct your feelings elsewhere and just have him around for friendship and sex.
> 
> That's what I would want, and from sounds of things what he wants too at present time.


I didn't say I was going to invest my emotions in him. I'm going enjoy the good feelings from the friendship and the endorphins from the very, very, very good sex


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> And then we get on the elevator to go back down, and he, like, POUNCES on me in the elevator, groping me and shoving his tongue down my throat. It's awful and wet and sloppy. And I'm totally fvcking cornered. So now I'm p!ssed off. Because I had asked him to reign it in with the sex stuff when we were texting, and on the phone, and he said I was being hot/cold, and I replied, no I just want to get a little more familiar with you first. And now, here we are in the elevator, I haven't given you any clues that this is OK, I'm not flirting with you at all, and you're just going to start grabbing at me and shove your tongue down my throat.
> 
> So (thank god) we get off the elevator, and I tell him that was too much, too soon. He doesn't seem too happy about it, nor does he apologize. And we're walking towards the lobby, and he fvcking grabs my ass.


This is assault . I'm so sorry this happened, but glad you're ok!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I agree. Definitely assault. I'm glad that a bad situation didn't get worse though.


----------



## SARAHMCD

gouge_away said:


> I think I've found her,
> what to say, what to say.
> 
> She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is brilliant, emanates so well. When I look at her I feel my heart skip, physically skip, its kind of painful. I buzz when she tells me how she feels about me. The way she communicates is surrealistic. Our values and dreams align. Neither of us sees red flags. She is the most well adjusted person I know.
> I feel so vulnerable to her. Everything she says strikes me, and I am so muddled I don't know how to respond, so I breathe deep and pray.


How long have you been seeing her? Awwwww....sounds like you're falling :grin2:


----------



## Lifescript

Gouge away, 

Be careful. It's a red flag that you feel vulnerable to her. Been there. Ends in tragedy. But good luck.


----------



## ne9907

Morning all,
After a hiatus, I got back on Tinder last monday. I am overwhelmed. I have about six dates. Got asked by two guys for today so I said yes (I am going out of town tomorrow), then got 1 on sunday. Then next week is also booked...


----------



## SARAHMCD

ne9907 said:


> Morning all,
> After a hiatus, I got back on Tinder last monday. I am overwhelmed. I have about six dates. Got asked by two guys for today so I said yes (I am going out of town tomorrow), then got 1 on sunday. Then next week is also booked...


Wow - how did you have time to email, text and call that many guys in one week to arrange 6 dates already? 
And how are you doing two dates in one evening (today)?


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> Morning all,
> After a hiatus, I got back on Tinder last monday. I am overwhelmed. I have about six dates. Got asked by two guys for today so I said yes (I am going out of town tomorrow), then got 1 on sunday. Then next week is also booked...


How do you do that? I wouldn't be able to keep them straight. Then again, multi-dating has never been my thing.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

ne9907 said:


> Morning all,
> After a hiatus, I got back on Tinder last monday. I am overwhelmed. I have about six dates. Got asked by two guys for today so I said yes (I am going out of town tomorrow), then got 1 on sunday. Then next week is also booked...


That's a lot of time invested in dating! 

It also makes me want to never use Tinder lol!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Tinder can be addictive. 
_swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe_

I haven't had very much luck with dates from it though. Most of the wimminz that I match with don't respond when I message them. And I don't get very many matches. I don't photograph well. Le sigh.


----------



## ne9907

Today is a coffee date after work, with my favorite. I have to take it slow with him because I do enjoy his conversation a lot. Later tonight will be dinner with another man who is interesting.
Sunday is just hanging out at the beach with a guy (not very interesting) but I need the practice. Monday or tuesday (not sure yet) will be dinner with another man who is 47 years old and an artist, not sure about this one. Sometime next week, I am going out with a guy to the beach to walk his dog (I like dogs but dont own one). Then, I will have to juggle another one for wed or thursday with a 38 yo who I sort of like, but he is not extremely interesting. Last one is with a 33 yo (younger than me) who has very pretty eyes and interesting job as an activist. 

I do not expect much to come out of these, but as I say, I need the practice!


----------



## Lone Shadow

How do you get practice with someone who isn't engaging? If the person doesn't hold your attention, you aren't practicing anything really... just killing time. 

I definitely wouldn't be able to keep up with your schedule, even if I didn't have kids. That's just exhausting. Seven dates, in seven days, with seven different guys. I need a nap.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Agreed, that is exhausting. 

Again, how did you get to know all of these guys enough to even know they are worth meeting in just a few days? How much do you text/email or phone before meeting?


----------



## bkyln309

I view multidating like watching TV. This rotation is for entertainment purposes only. Something to do to fill the schedule. Besides, you never know what is going to peak your interest at the moment or in person. 

I am a big fan of meeting quickly and deciding quickly if its a fit. If not, you havent lost much at all and maybe you meet someone great (whether as a person or a date). Im an extrovert and love meeting new people.Im not multidating at the moment but I loved it when I did.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I'm with LS on this one. Even if I didn't have kids (and sole custody of mine at that so I don't get the normal every other weekend free), I couldn't keep up with more than one at a time. Hell I have trouble remembering names of a date's family members unless we talk about them often enough that they become familiar. I'd probably be the guy that got things confused and said something stupid to the wrong girl: "So how was your day working at the slaughterhouse?" "Umm, I told you I was a board member of PETA, how dare you?" SLAP

OK maybe that's slightly overdramatic..


----------



## 06Daddio08

gouge_away said:


> I think I've found her,
> what to say, what to say.
> 
> She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is brilliant, emanates so well. When I look at her I feel my heart skip, physically skip, its kind of painful. I buzz when she tells me how she feels about me. The way she communicates is surrealistic. Our values and dreams align. Neither of us sees red flags. She is the most well adjusted person I know.
> I feel so vulnerable to her. Everything she says strikes me, and I am so muddled I don't know how to respond, so I breathe deep and pray.





Lifescript said:


> Gouge away,
> 
> Be careful. It's a red flag that you feel vulnerable to her. Been there. Ends in tragedy. But good luck.


What's wrong with feeling vulnerable around someone? While I agree it sounds like he has his head a bit in the clouds (no offense GA, enjoy the feeling), he's just excited to meet someone who makes quite the impression.

The Honeymoon Phase is dangerous and best to be avoided as it comes with delusions and a sense of grandeur / pedestal placing. Nothing wrong with feeling excited / terrified all at the same time.


----------



## Lifescript

It's different to feek excited and like you are in the clouds as opposed to vulnerable to her. That's never a good thing in my opinion. 

It can't come from anywhere else than a place of weakness. And weakness leads to disaster.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> It's different to feek excited and like you are in the clouds as opposed to vulnerable to her. That's never a good thing in my opinion.
> 
> It can't come from anywhere else than a place of weakness. And weakness leads to disaster.


Are you saying being vulnerable to her comes from a place of weakness?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Lifescript said:


> It's different to feek excited and like you are in the clouds as opposed to vulnerable to her. That's never a good thing in my opinion.
> 
> It can't come from anywhere else than a place of weakness. And weakness leads to disaster.


Weakness? I'm curious to know if this is solely based on a man type thing? A man who feels vulnerable is weak?


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> How do you get practice with someone who isn't engaging? If the person doesn't hold your attention, you aren't practicing anything really... just killing time.
> 
> I definitely wouldn't be able to keep up with your schedule, even if I didn't have kids. That's just exhausting. Seven dates, in seven days, with seven different guys. I need a nap.


Personally, I do not conduct myself in accordance with how people interact with me. I do take their actions, behavior, conversation, into consideration. The practice is for me (individual) not as an couple. I need to practice going on dates so that I may know when someone is simply "playing" me. I am not a good observer. I am not looking for a long distance relationship. I am simply practicing, if I find someone real great!! If not, no hard done. 



SARAHMCD said:


> Agreed, that is exhausting.
> 
> Again, how did you get to know all of these guys enough to even know they are worth meeting in just a few days? How much do you text/email or phone before meeting?


It is exhausting! I am like bkyln309, the sooner i meet them the better. I am not investing my time or feelings into someone who will be a douche at the first meeting. Btw, these are the men who have asked me out. I am still chatting with another batch that hasnt asked me out. I do not ask them out. I never ask a man out.


----------



## ne9907

SARAHMCD said:


> Wow - how did you have time to email, text and call that many guys in one week to arrange 6 dates already?
> And how are you doing two dates in one evening (today)?


I have a very liberal schedule. I get off work at 4pm. I am meeting the guy i like at 5pm for coffee. I really dont put a lot of effort in clothing and I dont wear make up. I usually let my hair down, air dry. I am very low mainteance when it comes to my apperance. Anyway, this guy I like (he is ex law enforcement and now security) has to go to work at 6pm. Since I like him, I must meet him before I invest too much into him. 
Then dinner with the other guy at 7pm. Btw, When I say dates, they are just informal meetings with them. I do not have sex, it is just to test the waters I suppose...


----------



## SARAHMCD

ne9907 said:


> It is exhausting! I am like bkyln309, the sooner i meet them the better. I am not investing my time or feelings into someone who will be a douche at the first meeting. Btw, these are the men who have asked me out. I am still chatting with another batch that hasnt asked me out. I do not ask them out. I never ask a man out.


I get the not investing too much time or feelings. But are you emailing once or twice, then they ask you out? What's the "normal" amount of communication before they ask?

For me, I like to get to know them a little better because often after a few emails or IM'ing I can rule them out. They either don't ask me a single question or engage enough, don't match me in terms of being adventurous, etc. I can learn that from emailing/texting instead of wasting time meeting for coffee or a drink.


----------



## ne9907

SARAHMCD said:


> I get the not investing too much time or feelings. But are you emailing once or twice, then they ask you out? What's the "normal" amount of communication before they ask?
> 
> For me, I like to get to know them a little better because often after a few emails or IM'ing I can rule them out. They either don't ask me a single question or engage enough, don't match me in terms of being adventurous, etc. I can learn that from emailing/texting instead of wasting time meeting for coffee or a drink.


yes, I have been messaging with most of them since Monday. I am pretty good at maintaining multiple conversations at once. I never mix them up.


----------



## ne9907

Oh i do have a funny anecdote. A guy thought I was a catfish!! I asked him why he thought I was a catfish, but didnt hear a reply.


----------



## Tulanian

FeministInPink said:


> I'm going enjoy the good feelings from the friendship and the endorphins from the very, very, very good sex


Clearly, I need better friends. Or at least better benefits.


----------



## Lifescript

I may not be understanding what he's saying. What do you guys understand he means with feeling vulnerable to her?


----------



## FeministInPink

Tulanian said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't say I was going to invest my emotions in him. I'm going enjoy the good feelings from the friendship and the endorphins from the very, very, very good sex
> 
> 
> 
> Clearly, I need better friends. Or at least better benefits.
Click to expand...

Honestly, I think it was a complete fluke that we stumbled across one another. And the timing was right.

And whatever happens next will be a complete toss-up. Who knows?

Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and see where the wind takes you (or what it brings you).


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lifescript said:


> I may not be understanding what he's saying. What do you guys understand he means with feeling vulnerable to her?


Vulnerable to me means he can open up his heart and trust. No walls. Just honesty and being completely himself. We should all strive to find the person we can be this free with.


----------



## Lifescript

SARAHMCD said:


> Vulnerable to me means he can open up his heart and trust. No walls. Just honesty and being completely himself. We should all strive to find the person we can be this free with.


Ok. Yea. I misunderstood. Vulnerable means to feel like you can open up with that person. Sometimes you get hurt when you do that but that doesn't mean you are weak. Actually takes a strong person to dare to be vulnerable. Got it.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Honestly, I think it was a complete fluke that we stumbled across one another. And the timing was right.
> 
> And whatever happens next will be a complete toss-up. Who knows?
> 
> Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and see where the wind takes you (or what it brings you).


Be careful FIP. Its easy to get the feels. 

I think I'm done with my FWB. We met again this week and sex was phenomenal. It always is, but this time much more raw and primal than ever. But, he has a girlfriend now, so instead of a full evening together it was in and out (so to speak :laugh. The "fun" part of it was missing. I don't get a thrill about being the other woman either. So I will wave goodbye to this one (but keep his number).


----------



## Tulanian

FeministInPink said:


> Honestly, I think it was a complete fluke that we stumbled across one another. And the timing was right.
> 
> And whatever happens next will be a complete toss-up. Who knows?
> 
> Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and see where the wind takes you (or what it brings you).


That's what I'm shooting for. Or, at least, I'm shooting for the attitude. Recent posts of mine no doubt show how far I have to go in that direction.

As for stumbling, I met a woman online who seemed interesting, if a tad bit odd. The more I talk to her the more I think she's a likely meth addict. Damn it...

Need to go stumble some more.


----------



## gouge_away

Lifescript said:


> I may not be understanding what he's saying. What do you guys understand he means with feeling vulnerable to her?





SARAHMCD said:


> Vulnerable to me means he can open up his heart and trust. No walls. Just honesty and being completely himself. We should all strive to find the person we can be this free with.


Nailed it.
There is always a possibility of disappointment, being hurt, or abrupt-one-sided endings. I feel very blessed to even be considering these thoughts and feelings.

I am not weak, I am a realist, she is an optimist, and I love that she can take me up into the clouds with her, to me that is her strength, she appreciates that I can bring her back down to earth.


----------



## SARAHMCD

gouge_away said:


> Nailed it.
> There is always a possibility of disappointment, being hurt, or abrupt-one-sided endings. I feel very blessed to even be considering these thoughts and feelings.
> 
> I am not weak, I am a realist, she is an optimist, and *I love that she can take me up into the clouds with her, to me that is her strength, she appreciates that I can bring her back down to earth.*


There is no reward without risk. I loved the bolded; beautiful.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Personally, I do not conduct myself in accordance with how people interact with me. I do take their actions, behavior, conversation, into consideration. The practice is for me (individual) not as an couple. I need to practice going on dates so that I may know when someone is simply "playing" me. I am not a good observer. I am not looking for a long distance relationship. I am simply practicing, if I find someone real great!! If not, no hard done.
> 
> It is exhausting! I am like bkyln309, the sooner i meet them the better. I am not investing my time or feelings into someone who will be a douche at the first meeting. Btw, these are the men who have asked me out. I am still chatting with another batch that hasnt asked me out. I do not ask them out. I never ask a man out.


Wowee ne! You're a woman in demand! 

Admittedly I may be intimidated if I knew I was competing! (Like that lawyer lady)


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TheGoodGuy said:


> I'm with LS on this one. Even if I didn't have kids (and sole custody of mine at that so I don't get the normal every other weekend free), I couldn't keep up with more than one at a time. Hell I have trouble remembering names of a date's family members unless we talk about them often enough that they become familiar. I'd probably be the guy that got things confused and said something stupid to the wrong girl: "So how was your day working at the slaughterhouse?" "Umm, I told you I was a board member of PETA, how dare you?" SLAP
> 
> *OK maybe that's slightly overdramatic.. *


Haha perhaps . But it was funny :grin2:.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SARAHMCD said:


> Vulnerable to me means he can open up his heart and trust. No walls. Just honesty and being completely himself. We should all strive to find the person we can be this free with.


Great explanation of it. We should all also strive to BE that person for others (accepting of what's in their heart).


----------



## ne9907

My dates went great!
The coffee date was extremely fun. We talked about everything! He is 33 yo, intelligent, funny, not extremely good looking, and has excellent eye contact!! 99% of the time his eyes were locked on mine. Downside? That 1% he looked at a girls ass.....

2 date went well. He was hot but moody. He invited me over to his house (say he was worried about his dog) I declined. Conversation was okay. At the end of the night he asked if I was more comfortable to go his house, declined again. Will not go out with him again. 

I have a date tomorrow but I might cancel because I want to hang out with 33 yo. He wanted to go out again today, but I am out of town. Tomorrow I will! 33 yo is so interesting!

As for next week dates, I'll see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm, reminds me of a date who once complimented the way I look at her, said that I'm not shy of eye contact, and she likes it :scratchhead:
I don't get this in particular... like, wtf? There's a difference?

Anyway, as men, our eyes will always be drawn to things that capture our attention, but it doesn't mean anything. Like I can be with the woman I love but a woman with nice features walks by she's going to make my eyes curious, doesn't mean I want to bone her or anything.

That date sounds promising btw, it's good to find chemistry!


----------



## tripad

Took my sons for a nice sunday lunch in a hotel and had many a stare . Firstly , i supposed it is obvious I am a single mum and they are free to stare since there isnt a husband around to mind . Secondly , I wore a short skirt and a fitting T shirt ( not tight ) .

I asked myself if those who were staring were to ask me out , i would never accept . I find them creepy and lusty . Then there was a decent and cute enough dude going to gym , in the same lift , who just took a quick glance at my boys and me . Guys like this will never stare and oogle or ask .

so I ask myself . I am thus going to have a tough time getting a date . and made worse with no man in work place .


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Wimmenz stare at me all the time, 'tis annoying, but I don't consider it creepy or lusty, just rude! Bah!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

I'm participating in a 6 week women's Bible study at church. It's about insecurity. (A Beth Moore book.....super awesome). I have been waking up super early and only read my three chapters of homework this morning before church (started at 5:30 a.m.) and "chapter 5" had me crying most of the way through it. My counselor has been trying to get the "root" of my insecurity and self esteem issues for a long time, but this book and how it lays it out, giving specific examples/categories of what can cause it in a woman.....resonated with me so much. I have had every single one of them happen to me, no wonder I'm so insecure. 

Just recommending this book to any women who might benefit from it.....it's VERY good.

Oh, oops. It's called Goodbye Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Me.


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, reminds me of a date who once complimented the way I look at her, said that I'm not shy of eye contact, and she likes it :scratchhead:
> I don't get this in particular... like, wtf? There's a difference?
> 
> Anyway, as men, our eyes will always be drawn to things that capture our attention, but it doesn't mean anything. Like I can be with the woman I love but a woman with nice features walks by she's going to make my eyes curious, doesn't mean I want to bone her or anything.
> 
> That date sounds promising btw, it's good to find chemistry!


As a guy sometimes I try to actively avoid looking, I've even tested myself. Could I bring my attention back onto my date without noticing her breast before her eyes. It is very difficult.


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Wimmenz stare at me all the time, 'tis annoying, but I don't consider it creepy or lusty, just rude! Bah!


Sometimes I will pretend to pick my nose and eat it, if I know someone is staring at me. I'll do this at work a lot.
Another thing I'll do, if I am having a conversation with somebody and notice someone else staring I will use perverted/sexual hand gestures, so it looks like were talking about something were obviously not.

Just ways I like to humor myself to get rid of that uncomfortable creepy feeling.


----------



## gouge_away

My date last night went about as unexpected as possible.

We have talked about deal breakers, ground rules, our boundaries with os friends, ideal family values, gender roles, sexuality, emotional, spiritual, sexual needs. We are very much on the same page. Our political leanings might be different, but we are both OK with that. The physical affection is so back and fourth, constantly back and fourth.

We decided to not over think this and just let it happen. Enjoy the rush because some day were going to look back and wish the ****tail of emotions and uncertainty lasted a little bit longer.

This is starting to feel more real. She invited me over to her place, and that makes dating a little easier with our schedules.

She's a grad student, needs dedicated time to study, I took a peek at her book shelf... I think I can keep myself entertained at her place!

So, while thinking of date ideas, I just want to throw this out there.
High School sports, High School theater...


----------



## SARAHMCD

GA, 
How long have you been seeing this woman? I'm glad things are going well although you seem to say hot and cold physically? What does that mean?

Ne, 
Glad your date went well. Sounds like potential. Usually the second date is the big decision maker - at least for the woman. 

STR, 
Sounds like you had a bit of a breakthrough in your self analysis. That's good....even if its painful. 

As for me, I have a real date (not FWB) set up for tomorrow night. We're meeting at 5 for drinks. We've been chatting online for a week and we've spoken on the phone 3 times now. I feel I have a good handle on him. Educated (PhD), divorced for 7 years, 2 daughters that he shares custody with his ex, very extroverted. I'm an introvert. Sometimes opposites attract and that type works well for me. So far we seem to be clicking. We shall see. Fingers crossed that the chemistry is there for the face-to-face.


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hmmm, reminds me of a date who once complimented the way I look at her, said that I'm not shy of eye contact, and she likes it
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't get this in particular... like, wtf? There's a difference?
> 
> Anyway, as men, our eyes will always be drawn to things that capture our attention, but it doesn't mean anything. Like I can be with the woman I love but a woman with nice features walks by she's going to make my eyes curious, doesn't mean I want to bone her or anything.
> 
> That date sounds promising btw, it's good to find chemistry!
> 
> 
> 
> As a guy sometimes I try to actively avoid looking, I've even tested myself. Could I bring my attention back onto my date without noticing her breast before her eyes. It is very difficult.
Click to expand...


Lol

Breast guy .


----------



## RandomDude

gouge_away said:


> Sometimes I will pretend to pick my nose and eat it, if I know someone is staring at me. I'll do this at work a lot.
> Another thing I'll do, if I am having a conversation with somebody and notice someone else staring I will use perverted/sexual hand gestures, so it looks like were talking about something were obviously not.
> 
> Just ways I like to humor myself to get rid of that uncomfortable creepy feeling.


Still remember when young, and when I was in a sh-t mood, had this lady keep staring at me, so I went right up to her face and yelled "WTF ARE YOU STARING AT?!"

Gave her the shock of her life!


----------



## gouge_away

SARAHMCD said:


> GA,
> How long have you been seeing this woman? I'm glad things are going well although you seem to say hot and cold physically? What does that mean?


Over a week, less than two.
I am not sure what you mean by "hot and cold physically," her and I have talked about the physicality of attraction, we are both very physically attracted to each other, we have both agreed that neither of us can separate emotion from sex, and it is important that we already have the emotional, spiritual, mental connection before sex, otherwise, it becomes confusing.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SARAHMCD said:


> GA,
> How long have you been seeing this woman? I'm glad things are going well although you seem to say hot and cold physically? What does that mean?


He actually said "back and forth" and I took that to mean they are both equally affectionate with each other. So, he's affectionate with her, then she is with him, back and forth. Basically, they're all over each other . @gouge_away


----------



## ne9907

@ RandomDude, yes I have been quite popular and on demand. It is strange. I am not kidding, talking to 10+ men
Here is something useful for everyone.

My coffee date on Friday was excellent! Conversation flowed, we both smiled, we both made plans to see each other on Sunday (since saturday didnt work for me).

He (33 yo) cancelled Sunday morning because he was going in to work early. I said ok, no worries. He also asked for a rain check next friday since he will have the day off. I said sure thing!

Anyway, last night while we are messaging, he signed off with "have a good night's rest" instead of his usual "sweet dreams"

The moral? He isnt into me. Our date went great and yet, he isn't into me. I am good. So here it is, just because you have an awesome time with someone, they have a right to change their minds~

I have another date today, and another on Wednesday.


----------



## RandomDude

?! 
:surprise:

Did you really decide upon a man's interest level based on the mixup of his words?! Maybe he switched it around cause he was sick of saying sweet dreams... bah!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> ?!
> :surprise:
> 
> Did you really decide upon a man's interest level based on the mixup of his words?! Maybe he switched it around cause he was sick of saying sweet dreams... bah!


haha!!! That is just one thing, plus my gut feeling says he isnt into me.
I trust my gut feeling A LOT!!! In any event, if he reaches out I am happy, if he doesnt I am happy as well. My gut feeling has never let me down.


----------



## RandomDude

Fair enough, I assume that is one of many other little things though yes?

That would make more sense - otherwise it's a bit worrying lol


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Fair enough, I assume that is one of many other little things though yes?
> 
> That would make more sense - otherwise it's a bit worrying lol


Well... not exactly. I had no doubt we would meet again on Sunday, because the date went great. I know when a date does not go well, and this one was perfect!

Except I got the gut feeling on Sunday and I knew he wasn't as interested as I am (was)


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> Well... not exactly. I had no doubt we would meet again on Sunday, because the date went great. I know when a date does not go well, and this one was perfect!
> 
> Except I got the gut feeling on Sunday and I knew he wasn't as interested as I am (was)



just be cool . if it happens , it will happen . we can all thrash out our true emotions here over at TAM .

weird thots . if we thrash here long enough , it is like we know each other so well , on a deep level . say , if we meet up one day in one big TAM party , just imagine , how would it be like to look at each other and talked like old frineds !

Ha ha that would be fun .


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> just be cool *. if it happens , it will happen* . we can all thrash out our true emotions here over at TAM .
> 
> weird thots . if we thrash here long enough , it is like we know each other so well , on a deep level . say , if we meet up one day in one big TAM party , just imagine , how would it be like to look at each other and talked like old frineds !
> 
> Ha ha that would be fun .


Oh Tripad, you should have seen me last year!! I was a mess, overanalyzed everything!! I dont anymore, but do follow my gut feeling. There are plenty of men out there, I am in no rush to get in a relationship, and to be frank I don't miss sex all that much. If I get too horny, I can call someone and get relief... It is not difficult, I have done several times before.

I am looking for a good friend to hang out with, to share special memories, to have fun!


----------



## tripad

How do you manage to call someone n relief ? ?

I have no one to call on .

Well like i said before there's this single dad in school who drools when he looks at me . Lol . But it's really true .

Well i will not call him even if he's thelast guy on earth ! I will rather die a reborn virgin . Lol


----------



## tripad

There's another single dad . This one i can consider physical attraction n sleeping with him. He asked me out twice but i cant . Now my divorce is over and he didnt ask me out anymore even thou i ask him in return now . 

Msybe he was after sex , not relationship . Sigh .


----------



## ne9907

I know a guy who is not relationship material. I know him well, and I would not want to forge a future with him. He knows all of this.


----------



## bkyln309

ne9907 said:


> @ RandomDude, yes I have been quite popular and on demand. It is strange. I am not kidding, talking to 10+ men
> Here is something useful for everyone.
> 
> My coffee date on Friday was excellent! Conversation flowed, we both smiled, we both made plans to see each other on Sunday (since saturday didnt work for me).
> 
> He (33 yo) cancelled Sunday morning because he was going in to work early. I said ok, no worries. He also asked for a rain check next friday since he will have the day off. I said sure thing!
> 
> Anyway, last night while we are messaging, he signed off with "have a good night's rest" instead of his usual "sweet dreams"
> 
> The moral? He isnt into me. Our date went great and yet, he isn't into me. I am good. So here it is, just because you have an awesome time with someone, they have a right to change their minds~
> 
> I have another date today, and another on Wednesday.


HOLY OVER REACTION BATMAN!!! Just from have a good night. YIKES! I think you are WAY overthinking it. Just relax and enjoy!


----------



## ne9907

bkyln309 said:


> HOLY OVER REACTION BATMAN!!! Just from have a good night. YIKES! I think you are WAY overthinking it. Just relax and enjoy!


I am obviously not explaining myself as I inteded. As my intention was to portray the opposite of what you stated... I failed obviously.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am obviously not explaining myself as I inteded. As my intention was to portray the opposite of what you stated... I failed obviously.


Actually, ne, she's right--you're basing the assumption that he's not into you on a slight change in wording? That very much an over-analysis of what's going on. If he's still engaging, he's still interested on some level. 

And he cancelled for Sunday, but he immediately scheduled a make-up date for Friday. Sometimes people have to cancel plans, and it doesn't mean anything at all. If he wasn't into you, he wouldn't have bothered to schedule the make-up date.

A one-off occurrence does not a pattern make, and you can only draw definitive conclusions from patterns.


----------



## RandomDude

WTF?! I just drove 20kms with a coke on the top of my car... it didn't fall off WTF?! 

Hmmm... *tries to futilely decipher the physics behind the occurence* :scratchhead:

Not to mention the way I drive...


----------



## SARAHMCD

Just back from date with new guy. We met online and have been texting/Im'ing and phone calls for a little over a week. I was a bit disappointed. He didn't portray himself deceptively or anything. Just didn't look quite as good as his photos. And I may be a bit spoiled from dating 30 something guys as FWBs. He's 51. In good shape though. Has his life together. On paper, a much smarter match. But.....as much as he was flirting and being suggestive, I wasn't completely feeling it. Our conversation flowed. Attraction? Just so-so. 

Now, I may have gotten thrown off by my FWB texting me tonight right before the date (hadn't heard from him in a week). He went on about our chemistry - I'll leave it as that, PG (but it sure isn't!!!) When I met him, it was easy and obvious. I knew immediately I wanted to kiss him and more. But he is just not appropriate for me to date. Uggggg.

Anyways, back to date guy. Towards the end, after a couple of glasses of wine, I flirted more, touched my hair, touched his leg a couple of times, faced him, gave the signals, etc. We were alone on a rooftop patio. He even suggested how we could be making out, etc and I said that was a good idea.....nothing. He didn't go for the kiss. He walked me to my car. Gave me a hug. I turned it into a kiss. He went in for the second one. But yuck, I hate having to be the one to make the first move. I liked to be grabbed by the hair and pulled in for the kiss. Aggressive is my required style. 

So now he's texting me asking what's next? Wishy washy. Why doesn't he tell me what's next? I don't even know how to answer that question. I've already said I had a great time, thanked him for picking up the drinks. Now I need to decide whether to give it one more shot or not. Again, not immediate chemistry, but conversation flowed and was easy. One more date to be sure?


----------



## RandomDude

From my experience, having a good FWB makes all dates suck, it's like shopping with a full stomach.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> From my experience, having a good FWB makes all dates suck, it's like shopping with a full stomach.


That is a great analogy. I'm not going into the date feeling horny or needy. But I still desire a connection. And actually, shouldn't that make me more levelheaded in my selection? You're supposed to go shopping on a full stomach so that you pick the food that is good for you, not the junk food for instant gratification.


----------



## tripad

I dont have fwb . I dont believe in sex without relationship . So may not be fair to comment . 

But fwb is forbidden fruit and the sex may be raw and powerful as they wont care about your feelings . It will make a decent man looking for decent real relationship boring , as they are definitely not going to " grab your hair " on first date or even later . 

So you may end up never interested in a man looking for relationship but in your younger fwb who are looking for wild sex experience while they date sweet young girls to show their sex prowress to .


----------



## RandomDude

Errr well, when I shop with a full stomach I buy for the day lol, when I'm hungry I buy for the week! 

As for being level-headed - sure, but love nor infactuation are level-headed experiences to begin with 
With my FWB I couldn't date at the same time, there was no room for anyone else, I already had it all, and during dates I just end up thinking "meh, whatever, anyway after the date, I'm going to ram my FWB tonight" but 'tis just me...


----------



## tripad

Rd

Then why bother to date ?


----------



## RandomDude

Errr, that's the point! That's why I didn't while I was with FWB 

Hell even in our early days FWB herself ended our little fling to "give dating another try"


----------



## tripad

Why not marry your fwb ? 

Seems like you both are open n honest abt just being fwb


----------



## SARAHMCD

tripad said:


> It will make a decent man looking for decent real relationship boring , as they are definitely not going to " grab your hair " on first date or even later .


I have to disagree on this part. I consider sex to be a huge part of a relationship for me. I've learned that I need a strong alpha male. So yes, I do expect hair pulling (as an example). I do expect raw chemistry. I'm not settling for less. 

Thinking further about my date....he lives 90 minutes away but is in town quite often for business meetings. Told me he often stays at a hotel but is looking for something permanent. Anyways, first date, he tells me he wants romantic, a walk on the beach after drinks. Asks me when i get off work. I tell him 4:30. He's finished his meeting downtown (45 mins away) at 3:30. He asks what the plan is. I suggest a trendy hotel lounge bar near me with patio overlooking the river. Its a 5 min drive to the ocean beach where we could go afterwards for the sunset. 
He says no, he doesn't want to drive out that far since he has to drive all the way home (in the opposite direction). So I say ok, I will meet you downtown but it will be closer to 6. He says, what happened to 4:30? Duh. He complains that's a bit late - again, his drive. So I end up leaving work 30 mins early to meet him at 5:15 . As we're leaving, he lets me know he brought a change of clothes with him "just in case". Seriously? He wasn't even bothered to drive out my way (he could easily have met me at 4:30), instead he made me rush around and figure out a place for us to meet in an area I'm not that familiar with.

So last night he asks what is next "on your slow moving date calendar?" Meaning, I wasn't sleeping with him yet. I reply that he's the one with the busy calendar and I don't when he's in town - to let me know. He replies "but you are the one who wants to take it slow. I would show up your place with a bottle of wine and we could have a fun private night". So I say I'm not ready for a sleepover just yet but would like a second date, would he be in town Weds. Got kind of a cold reply about being in town but just at noon and then leaving. Told him to let me know next time he's here for an evening. "Ok" 

Wow - he did so much wrong there. Oh well, such is online dating. Too bad, we clicked in so many ways.


----------



## Lone Shadow

That doesn't sound like a click to me. You guys may have had some common interests, but common interests do not make a click. It sounds to me, just from reading what you've posted here, that you were completely turned off by the experience. I'm actually surprised that you were asking about a second date.

Again, from what you say here, anything you do beyond that first date would just be settling. Don't settle.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lone Shadow said:


> That doesn't sound like a click to me. You guys may have had some common interests, but common interests do not make a click. It sounds to me, just from reading what you've posted here, that you were completely turned off by the experience. I'm actually surprised that you were asking about a second date.
> 
> Again, from what you say here, anything you do beyond that first date would just be settling. Don't settle.


I think you may be right. Texting and phone chats made me feel like we were clicking...but I wasn't feeling the physical chemistry in person. I was TRYING to since he seemed so good on paper. I shouldn't have to TRY to feel chemistry. Its either there or it isn't. So this one is a pass. A lesson learned to spend less time chatting and get more quickly to meeting.


----------



## bkyln309

SARAHMCD said:


> I think you may be right. Texting and phone chats made me feel like we were clicking...but I wasn't feeling the physical chemistry in person. I was TRYING to since he seemed so good on paper. I shouldn't have to TRY to feel chemistry. Its either there or it isn't. So this one is a pass. A lesson learned to spend less time chatting and get more quickly to meeting.


Yes, this. I have found a quick chat and a quick meet. No wasting time on something that will not click in real life.

Besides, honestly, it sounds like he just wanted to bang. Didnt sound like he wanted something serious as he wanted to jump into bed and make no compromises or be inconvenienced. 

I think this is definitely a no. Keep it moving! The right guy is out there.

Im into an alpha male too but I always end up with the betas!


----------



## bkyln309

Not much going on here as far as dating. I am only seeing my Older Man. We are going to Vegas in a few weeks but honestly, I am doubting whether we are going to make it. We had a conversation on Friday about his ex wife and what she said about their relationship during the divorce. It seemed they did very well together overall. But she said all he wanted to do with golf and ski (not with his wife just the guys). Which is my biggest issue with the Older Man. He golfs every weekend, men only and he doesnt plan anything else for us to do but have meals and sex together and spend the night. He likes to keep his relationships separate. Even with the holidays coming, he is making no plans to include me again. UGH. There are so many great things about him but this is one of those things I think is going to be the death of our relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Why not marry your fwb ?
> 
> Seems like you both are open n honest abt just being fwb


No love

As fun as she was as a friend, and as hot as she was as an FWB, I just never fell for her. If I don't fall for someone, I don't consider them future-material.

I made a mistake with FWB by trying a relationship, the resulting breakup this year meant I lost both a good friend and a great sex buddy. Is it worth it? No, not really.

For the most part, FWBs should stick to FWBs, I've been burnt several times and even recently by this rule. You should never have to guess if it's love or not when you're with someone, you should just know it.


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> You should never have to guess if it's love or not when you're with someone, you should just know it.


This:smthumbup:

Of course, I do think sometimes love can jump up and surprise you. But normally a FWB or FB stays that way once its established. There are usually reasons from the beginning that you aren't seeing each other as relationship material. 
Its like getting back together with an ex and forgetting why you broke up in the first place. 9 times out of 10 the same issues that ended things raise their ugly head again.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> Not much going on here as far as dating. I am only seeing my Older Man. We are going to Vegas in a few weeks but honestly, I am doubting whether we are going to make it. We had a conversation on Friday about his ex wife and what she said about their relationship during the divorce. It seemed they did very well together overall. But she said all he wanted to do with golf and ski (not with his wife just the guys). Which is my biggest issue with the Older Man. He golfs every weekend, men only and he doesnt plan anything else for us to do but have meals and sex together and spend the night. He likes to keep his relationships separate. Even with the holidays coming, he is making no plans to include me again. UGH. There are so many great things about him but this is one of those things I think is going to be the death of our relationship.



It sounds like you've been lukewarm on this guy right from the start. Are you looking for reasons to end it? Or is togetherness - quality and quantity of time doing activities together - one of your love needs? If it is, than he will not be right for you. 

I dated a guy once who had this whole "Friday night is for the boys" rule. Then Sundays were church and time with his family (mom, brother and nephews, cousins). I basically only saw him Saturday night. Fun for awhile, but not when you want to take things to another level.


----------



## RandomDude

It SHOULD normally stay that way - as FWBs

Unfortunately, it seems only inevitable that emotions creep in after time, slowly at first, gives you ideas, gives you the delusion that you're in love with you're really just fond of a friend. The best FWB relations split off before this late period, or if the emotions are handled wisely by both parties - which is a rare case. Then when one invests and the other doesn't, it's only disaster in the making.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I have to disagree on this part. I consider sex to be a huge part of a relationship for me. I've learned that I need a strong alpha male. So yes, I do expect hair pulling (as an example). I do expect raw chemistry. I'm not settling for less.
> 
> Thinking further about my date....he lives 90 minutes away but is in town quite often for business meetings. Told me he often stays at a hotel but is looking for something permanent. Anyways, first date, he tells me he wants romantic, a walk on the beach after drinks. Asks me when i get off work. I tell him 4:30. He's finished his meeting downtown (45 mins away) at 3:30. He asks what the plan is. I suggest a trendy hotel lounge bar near me with patio overlooking the river. Its a 5 min drive to the ocean beach where we could go afterwards for the sunset.
> He says no, he doesn't want to drive out that far since he has to drive all the way home (in the opposite direction). So I say ok, I will meet you downtown but it will be closer to 6. He says, what happened to 4:30? Duh. He complains that's a bit late - again, his drive. So I end up leaving work 30 mins early to meet him at 5:15 . As we're leaving, he lets me know he brought a change of clothes with him "just in case". Seriously? He wasn't even bothered to drive out my way (he could easily have met me at 4:30), instead he made me rush around and figure out a place for us to meet in an area I'm not that familiar with.
> 
> So last night he asks what is next "on your slow moving date calendar?" Meaning, I wasn't sleeping with him yet. I reply that he's the one with the busy calendar and I don't when he's in town - to let me know. He replies "but you are the one who wants to take it slow. I would show up your place with a bottle of wine and we could have a fun private night". So I say I'm not ready for a sleepover just yet but would like a second date, would he be in town Weds. Got kind of a cold reply about being in town but just at noon and then leaving. Told him to let me know next time he's here for an evening. "Ok"
> 
> Wow - he did so much wrong there. Oh well, such is online dating. Too bad, we clicked in so many ways.


Yuck. He's not looking for anything real. He's looking for a free booty call when he's in town on business. You're expecting some emotional investment before you sleep with him, and that's a big turn-off for him because all he wants is the sex. And he's trying to guilt you about it (under the guise of "teasing") to get you to sleep with him sooner.

If he was actually interested in YOU and not just fvcking you, he would put in more of an effort.

He's an assh0le. Block the motherfvcker.


----------



## bkyln309

SARAHMCD said:


> It sounds like you've been lukewarm on this guy right from the start. Are you looking for reasons to end it? Or is togetherness - quality and quantity of time doing activities together - one of your love needs? If it is, than he will not be right for you.
> 
> I dated a guy once who had this whole "Friday night is for the boys" rule. Then Sundays were church and time with his family (mom, brother and nephews, cousins). I basically only saw him Saturday night. Fun for awhile, but not when you want to take things to another level.



yes, he has always been this way. I guess in the beginning it wasnt a big deal because I was just in it for fun. But we have been dating over 6 months and its getting annoying.

I dont need all of his time. But I do need to feel like we are spending time together doing an activity once in awhile.

We are going to Vegas so I will see how that goes. Maybe we can have a discussion while we are away and de-stressed. I admittedly am going through a very stressful time with my kids and it could be affecting my attitude toward him.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Not much going on here as far as dating. I am only seeing my Older Man. We are going to Vegas in a few weeks but honestly, I am doubting whether we are going to make it. We had a conversation on Friday about his ex wife and what she said about their relationship during the divorce. It seemed they did very well together overall. But she said all he wanted to do with golf and ski (not with his wife just the guys). Which is my biggest issue with the Older Man. He golfs every weekend, men only and he doesnt plan anything else for us to do but have meals and sex together and spend the night. He likes to keep his relationships separate. Even with the holidays coming, he is making no plans to include me again. UGH. There are so many great things about him but this is one of those things I think is going to be the death of our relationship.


That is the thing about older men... they are set in their ways, and don't want to make changes for anyone.

And why would he? He gets to play golf with his friends, have a good meal, and then he gets to have sex with you. He's getting everything that he wants.

But you're not getting what YOU want--and I don't think you're going to, not with him. So what are you going to do about it?


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> He's an assh0le. Block the motherfvcker.


FIP, 
I always love your advice. You get straight to the point! :grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Just back from date with new guy. We met online and have been texting/Im'ing and phone calls for a little over a week. I was a bit disappointed. He didn't portray himself deceptively or anything. Just didn't look quite as good as his photos. And I may be a bit spoiled from dating 30 something guys as FWBs. He's 51. In good shape though. Has his life together. On paper, a much smarter match. But.....as much as he was flirting and being suggestive, I wasn't completely feeling it. Our conversation flowed. Attraction? Just so-so.
> 
> Now, I may have gotten thrown off by my FWB texting me tonight right before the date (hadn't heard from him in a week). He went on about our chemistry - I'll leave it as that, PG (but it sure isn't!!!) When I met him, it was easy and obvious. I knew immediately I wanted to kiss him and more. But he is just not appropriate for me to date. Uggggg.
> 
> Anyways, back to date guy. Towards the end, after a couple of glasses of wine, I flirted more, touched my hair, touched his leg a couple of times, faced him, gave the signals, etc. We were alone on a rooftop patio. He even suggested how we could be making out, etc and I said that was a good idea.....nothing. He didn't go for the kiss. He walked me to my car. Gave me a hug. I turned it into a kiss. He went in for the second one. But yuck, I hate having to be the one to make the first move. I liked to be grabbed by the hair and pulled in for the kiss. Aggressive is my required style.
> 
> So now he's texting me asking what's next? Wishy washy. Why doesn't he tell me what's next? I don't even know how to answer that question. I've already said I had a great time, thanked him for picking up the drinks. Now I need to decide whether to give it one more shot or not. Again, not immediate chemistry, but conversation flowed and was easy. One more date to be sure?


I like the analogy about dating while having a FWB is like food shopping on a full stomach. It's probably a good thing, and keeps you from making bad choices out of sexual desperation 

I agree with you, I need an assertive, dominant guy. If I have to be the one to make the first move--if he's still hesitant, even though I'm giving him all kinds of cues--it just isn't going to work. I mean, really! If I have to be the one to make the move on the first kiss, how is that guy EVER going to fvck me the way I want? It's just not going to work.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> That is the thing about older men... they are set in their ways, and don't want to make changes for anyone.
> 
> And why would he? He gets to play golf with his friends, have a good meal, and then he gets to have sex with you. He's getting everything that he wants.
> 
> But you're not getting what YOU want--and I don't think you're going to, not with him. So what are you going to do about it?


I know I should end it or at least have a conversation with him about it. But honestly, I cant bring myself to do it. I guess Im afraid it will end. I do really like him but I cant see how this is going to end well with me.


----------



## vi_bride04

bkyln309 said:


> I know I should end it or at least have a conversation with him about it. But honestly, I cant bring myself to do it. I guess Im afraid it will end. I do really like him but I cant see how this is going to end well with me.


Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself and your needs.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> If I have to be the one to make the first move--if he's still hesitant, even though I'm giving him all kinds of cues--it just isn't going to work. I mean, really! If I have to be the one to make the move on the first kiss, how is that guy EVER going to fvck me the way I want? It's just not going to work.


EXACTLY!!!!! holy crap isn't that the truth!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Well, sometimes we're just dense, and we're missing those cues. I don't pay attention to body language. That's not true... it's not that I don't pay attention to it, but rather that I'm completely dumb, deaf, and blind to it.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> I know I should end it or at least have a conversation with him about it. But honestly, I cant bring myself to do it. I guess Im afraid it will end. I do really like him but I cant see how this is going to end well with me.


Yeah, it might end. That could happen. But if he's not willing to do MORE for you, if he's--after 6 months--not willing to meet your needs, isn't it better that you find that out now and end it? So you can move on and find someone who WILL do that for you. 

He's not the only man in the world.

And really, that's the absolute worst that could happen, right? And it's not really all that bad. You've been through far worse.

(Actually, what would be far worse is you staying in a relationship where you're not satisfied for an extended period of time--WASTING all that time--because you're too scared to say something. That would be way worse.)

And what's the best that could happen? He could say, honey, I wish you would have told me sooner, because I want you to be happy, and I didn't even know this was an issue! And then he makes some changes to better incorporate you into his life overall, and give you more.

By not saying anything, you're guaranteeing that you'll never get what you want. You're scared of being disappointed by him, so much so that you're not even going to give him that chance. And that's not really fair to either of you. If you can't be open with him, if you can't be honest with him, you're not giving him everything, either. If you can't be honest and open with him regarding your needs, then this relationship won't ever be fully functional. And the only way you can know IF you can do that with him, and know IF he is willing to hear you and do something about it, is to TALK TO HIM about it.

You'll never get what you really want if you allow fear to dictate your actions.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lone Shadow said:


> Well, sometimes we're just dense, and we're missing those cues. I don't pay attention to body language. That's not true... it's not that I don't pay attention to it, but rather that I'm completely dumb, deaf, and blind to it.


It requires you to be assertive, but not just start grabbing at her if she hasn't given those "signals". 
Here's what my FWB did. We were in a restaurant, chatting about this and that (not sexual). 20 minutes in, he makes solid eye contact and says "I want to kiss you. Would you like that?" I smiled and said yes. He waited until we were out at our cars, put his hand at the back of my head, wrapping his fingers in my hair, and pulled me (gently) to him. So, he didn't need to read signals, he just told me what he wanted to do. I'd already let him know I was up for it. 
Its a risk to ask the question, sure. But no risk, no reward!!


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> FIP,
> I always love your advice. You get straight to the point! :grin2:


Thanks! I'm practicing on y'all so I can give myself better advice


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> It requires you to be assertive, but not just start grabbing at her if she hasn't given those "signals".
> Here's what my FWB did. We were in a restaurant, chatting about this and that (not sexual). 20 minutes in, he makes solid eye contact and says "I want to kiss you. Would you like that?" I smiled and said yes. He waited until we were out at our cars, put his hand at the back of my head, wrapping his fingers in my hair, and pulled me (gently) to him. So, he didn't need to read signals, he just told me what he wanted to do. I'd already let him know I was up for it.
> Its a risk to ask the question, sure. But no risk, no reward!!


True that!

J-Dawg just grabbed me mid-sentence and planted one on me before I knew what was happening. I was pleasantly surprised.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Assertive isn't a problem. The problem is reading the signals. I have sexdaily and.. no, dyslexia, and sometimes I confuse the letters and words. Completely missread body language. Part of it, also, is overcoming that little smidge of a fear of rejection that every one of us has. I've all but silenced that monster now though. This year, I've gone out on several first dates, a handful of second dates, and I've been seeing this one woman for about a month and a half now.

Talking with some of these women before the first date, and they say that they never kiss on the first date.. why did you tell me that? 

If the first date is going well, and I'm interested in pursuing a second date, I'm going in for a kiss at some point before the evening is over. I haven't been rejected yet, even by the ones who "don't kiss on a first date." Kissing is important, there is no second date if she's a bad kisser.

That's right ladies. I kiss on the first date. That said... I may be easy, but I'm not cheap. If you want more than just a kiss, you've got to buy me dinner first. :FIREdevil:


----------



## ne9907

Last night's date was pretty cool. Unsure about whether I will see this guy or not again. He is a bit intimidating. 46 years old. I have never dated someone that much older than me. Well, he is only 8 years older, yet it seems strange. He is a bit quiet, but good looking.


----------



## RandomDude

Lone Shadow said:


> Assertive isn't a problem. The problem is reading the signals. I have sexdaily and.. no, dyslexia, and sometimes I confuse the letters and words. Completely missread body language.


:scratchhead:

Ey? Just rely on your intuition, that's what I do, trying to read it logically is futile. In the end you only get better with experience, and your instincts get sharper.

Just keep trying and learning


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ok guys look. I wasn't stating that I have a problem with confidence. I was just using myself and my experiences as an example for what FIP said here:


> If I have to be the one to make the first move--if he's still hesitant, even though I'm giving him all kinds of cues--it just isn't going to work.


Example being that I am dumb, deaf, and blind to body language. I'm not going to pick up on the signals. Having said that, signals or no, if I think the date went well then I'm going for a kiss at some point.

Perhaps I should have quoted her post the first time around. No worries.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah well, you're not blind, deaf or dumb 

Personally I would say FIP's expectations for a man to be able to read the cues are fair, unless her cues are really, errr... odd lol


----------



## SARAHMCD

Lone Shadow said:


> Example being that I am dumb, deaf, and blind to body language. I'm not going to pick up on the signals. Having said that, signals or no, if I think the date went well then I'm going for a kiss at some point.
> .


If you "think the date went well" then you are picking up on signals aren't you? What defines the date going well that encourages you to ask for a second? 

Usually "signals" mean she's into you...she shows this by asking lots of questions, showing an interest in listening and learning about you. Yes, body language is some of that. You can read up on what the body language signals are and then watch for them.


----------



## RandomDude

During a date, or any romantic interaction with the opposite sex, you should be able to can read ups, downs, sudden rises or drops, surprises, invitations, and other assorted levels of engagement and attraction no?

Hell I can't imagine being unable to =/


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well, you're not blind, deaf or dumb
> 
> Personally I would say FIP's expectations for a man to be able to read the cues are fair, unless her cues are really, errr... odd lol


My cues are the completely normal, easy-to-read kind. Most of the time, I don't even realize that I'm sending them--though I consistently send them when I'm into a guy (and DON'T when I'm not). I think it's a subconscious thing--as is the reading of the cues.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I dunno Sarah. It's sort of like taking a test or going to a job interview. I can think that I did well on a test or interview, and come to find out I actually bombed it. Dates are like tests and interviews rolled into one.


----------



## bkyln309

Lone Shadow said:


> Ok guys look. I wasn't stating that I have a problem with confidence. I was just using myself and my experiences as an example for what FIP said here:
> 
> 
> Example being that I am dumb, deaf, and blind to body language. I'm not going to pick up on the signals. Having said that, signals or no, if I think the date went well then I'm going for a kiss at some point.
> 
> Perhaps I should have quoted her post the first time around. No worries.


I think if a date goes well, it should include a kiss. For me, that is a signal as well. I dont do well with smoke signals either. I would rather the person say "this went really well" or "thanks for going out. I dont think this is a fit long term"


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, it might end. That could happen. But if he's not willing to do MORE for you, if he's--after 6 months--not willing to meet your needs, isn't it better that you find that out now and end it? So you can move on and find someone who WILL do that for you.
> 
> He's not the only man in the world.
> 
> And really, that's the absolute worst that could happen, right? And it's not really all that bad. You've been through far worse.
> 
> (Actually, what would be far worse is you staying in a relationship where you're not satisfied for an extended period of time--WASTING all that time--because you're too scared to say something. That would be way worse.)
> 
> And what's the best that could happen? He could say, honey, I wish you would have told me sooner, because I want you to be happy, and I didn't even know this was an issue! And then he makes some changes to better incorporate you into his life overall, and give you more.
> 
> By not saying anything, you're guaranteeing that you'll never get what you want. You're scared of being disappointed by him, so much so that you're not even going to give him that chance. And that's not really fair to either of you. If you can't be open with him, if you can't be honest with him, you're not giving him everything, either. If you can't be honest and open with him regarding your needs, then this relationship won't ever be fully functional. And the only way you can know IF you can do that with him, and know IF he is willing to hear you and do something about it, is to TALK TO HIM about it.
> 
> You'll never get what you really want if you allow fear to dictate your actions.



FP, you are right. I tend to think its going to end badly. But he is a really good guy. I had to make a very difficult parenting decision last week which I thought would send him running for the hills, and it didnt phase him. So, maybe I need to just bring it up and see what he says.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> FP, you are right. I tend to think its going to end badly. But he is a really good guy. I had to make a very difficult parenting decision last week which I thought would send him running for the hills, and it didnt phase him. So, maybe I need to just bring it up and see what he says.


Before you bring it up, think very carefully about what you want to ask him for and *why*. If you're currently dissatisfied with this one thing, why? And what specifically would make it better, and why?

If you're going to ask him to change long-standing behavior (like golf every week with the buddies), he's not going to agree if you can't articulate a strong argument for why you want the change.

ETA: And in direct response to your post above, maybe he deserves more credit than you've given him. I know it seems easier to keep expectations low, based on the number of loser men we've had the pleasure of dealing with... but sometimes a guy will actually rise to the occasion and meet your higher expectations.


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Yeah well, you're not blind, deaf or dumb


Dammit man. Let me have my dillusions.


----------



## gouge_away

I had 2 of those endless dates with mine.

Yesterday we went out for second "breakfast," she's a hobbit, and after we decided to take a road trip.

We drove through the thumb of Wisconsin, Door County Peninsula. Its peppered with waterfalls, bluffs, dunes, and the best sunsetting harbors in the Midwest.

This trip was an allegory of how this relationship is turning out to be. No game plan, just enjoying each mysterious moment as we arrive at them.

After the sun set we went back home, ordered food delivery, I spent the night.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Before you bring it up, think very carefully about what you want to ask him for and *why*. If you're currently dissatisfied with this one thing, why? And what specifically would make it better, and why?
> 
> If you're going to ask him to change long-standing behavior (like golf every week with the buddies), he's not going to agree if you can't articulate a strong argument for why you want the change.
> 
> ETA: And in direct response to your post above, maybe he deserves more credit than you've given him. I know it seems easier to keep expectations low, based on the number of loser men we've had the pleasure of dealing with... but sometimes a guy will actually rise to the occasion and meet your higher expectations.


I dont want him to give up his Sunday golf with the guys. Thats his passion. I want him to have that every week. But I would like one Saturday a month where we plan an activity for the day. A lot of times when we have a free Saturday we spend it separately running our own errands and then meet up for dinner and a sleepover. I just want to do stuff with him more.


----------



## Tulanian

RandomDude said:


> During a date, or any romantic interaction with the opposite sex, you should be able to can read ups, downs, sudden rises or drops, surprises, invitations, and other assorted levels of engagement and attraction no?
> 
> Hell I can't imagine being unable to =/


Easy. Try autism.


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> Not much going on here as far as dating. I am only seeing my Older Man. We are going to Vegas in a few weeks but honestly, I am doubting whether we are going to make it. We had a conversation on Friday about his ex wife and what she said about their relationship during the divorce. It seemed they did very well together overall. But she said all he wanted to do with golf and ski (not with his wife just the guys). Which is my biggest issue with the Older Man. He golfs every weekend, men only and he doesnt plan anything else for us to do but have meals and sex together and spend the night. He likes to keep his relationships separate. Even with the holidays coming, he is making no plans to include me again. UGH. There are so many great things about him but this is one of those things I think is going to be the death of our relationship.



Why keep separate ? Hiding something ? He's not divorced yet - he lied - is possible .


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> Lone Shadow said:
> 
> 
> 
> That doesn't sound like a click to me. You guys may have had some common interests, but common interests do not make a click. It sounds to me, just from reading what you've posted here, that you were completely turned off by the experience. I'm actually surprised that you were asking about a second date.
> 
> Again, from what you say here, anything you do beyond that first date would just be settling. Don't settle.
> 
> 
> 
> I think you may be right. Texting and phone chats made me feel like we were clicking...but I wasn't feeling the physical chemistry in person. I was TRYING to since he seemed so good on paper. I shouldn't have to TRY to feel chemistry. Its either there or it isn't. So this one is a pass. A lesson learned to spend less time chatting and get more quickly to meeting.
Click to expand...

Ahhhhhh

Good lesson . I will learn from here . Meet up quick . No chemistrt . Ditch n next . Dont waste time .


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> SARAHMCD said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think you may be right. Texting and phone chats made me feel like we were clicking...but I wasn't feeling the physical chemistry in person. I was TRYING to since he seemed so good on paper. I shouldn't have to TRY to feel chemistry. Its either there or it isn't. So this one is a pass. A lesson learned to spend less time chatting and get more quickly to meeting.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, this. I have found a quick chat and a quick meet. No wasting time on something that will not click in real life.
> 
> Besides, honestly, it sounds like he just wanted to bang. Didnt sound like he wanted something serious as he wanted to jump into bed and make no compromises or be inconvenienced.
> 
> I think this is definitely a no. Keep it moving! The right guy is out there.
> 
> Im into an alpha male too but I always end up with the betas!
Click to expand...

Yup

He brought change of clothes "in case " ????? Wtf !!!!!!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why not marry your fwb ?
> 
> Seems like you both are open n honest abt just being fwb
> 
> 
> 
> No love
> 
> As fun as she was as a friend, and as hot as she was as an FWB, I just never fell for her. If I don't fall for someone, I don't consider them future-material.
> 
> I made a mistake with FWB by trying a relationship, the resulting breakup this year meant I lost both a good friend and a great sex buddy. Is it worth it? No, not really.
> 
> For the most part, FWBs should stick to FWBs, I've been burnt several times and even recently by this rule. You should never have to guess if it's love or not when you're with someone, you should just know it.
Click to expand...

How is fwb who is fun n great sex not future material ? What is future material for you ? 

Analyse for my own when i start again .


----------



## RandomDude

She was very straight up with me, but that worked both ways, on one hand I respected her, on the other, she confirmed my fears and hence I found it very difficult to be vulnerable/invest in her emotionally. Main thing was that I very distrusting when it comes to any woman who prioritises finances over romance or chemistry. I can respect that about her, but we weren't on the same wavelength. I spent most of my life poor, and had to work 84 weeks for years when married just to support my ex and daughter (the cause of many issues)

Even to this day I lack a degree and formal education. I have achieved success but not confident that I can repeat it - not to mention go through all that hell again. So deep down I do want a wife who I can trust will be there minus all success. Ex-FWB/ex-GF made it blatantly clear that much of her attraction to me was my success, I never liked it.

We definitely should have stayed FWBs


----------



## gouge_away

I couldn't do it, FWB, its all or nothing for me. Though I had a fling that lasted awhile, knowing she wasnt marriage material, even then in hindsight, without the sex it would have been a total waste of time.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I spent most of my life poor
> 
> So deep down I do want a wife who I can trust will be there minus all success. Ex-FWB/ex-GF made it blatantly clear that much of her attraction to me was my success, I never liked it


My ex really wiped the family out financially and emotionally . Hence i am fearful of a man who look at me and see me for reasons other than just love .


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> I couldn't do it, FWB, its all or nothing for me.


Thought a man wont feel that way since man can compartmentalise better i thought .


----------



## gouge_away

tripad said:


> Thought a man wont feel that way since man can compartmentalise better i thought .


It might be true that men can compartmentalize better, but that doesn't mean we choose to compartmentalize everything. For some people sex just isn't worth the effort or time without the intimate relationship.

If I'm horny I can just masturbate, it requires less effort, time, and compartmentalization.


----------



## tripad

Lol

I agree

All or nothing

Dont think i can reach a high with fwb . Just not me .


----------



## gouge_away

Me and C have in common.
We're Christians, Complementarians (Traditional Family gender roles), We don't keep close OSFs, iNtuition, fiscal conservatives, want to live life debt free, high sex drives, want children, 90s alt/rock is our favorite genre, both love football, we're both physically affectionate, love to read the same books, we pray together, same humor and wit, neither of us watches TV, the physical attraction between the two of us is off the fvcking charts.

Things I adore about C
She's always optimistic, very smart (one of the smartest people I know), I never want her to stop talking (and rarely interrupt her) she is so insightful and words come together with such finesse, she's eloquent, patient, never judgmental, easy to open up to, highly educated, self sufficient, sexy (even in ways only I know), independent, emotionally aware, very assertive, and doesn't expect others to read her mind. She is strong and beautiful inside and out. Her lips and smile are perfect, I even asked her if she ever has cosmetic surgery done, when she smiles, and she smiles a lot her cheeks get so big, and her eyes change shape. I always thought I was a t&a guy, but now I'm a smile guy, the former are awesome too. 

She says that she is just as attracted to me, but I don't know how that is even possible.

Now she wants to show me off to her friends, and I know every single person is going to tell me how lucky I am. I really feel lucky! After so many duds, and even settling on a few duds, I can't let this one go!!!


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> My ex really wiped the family out financially and emotionally . Hence i am fearful of a man who look at me and see me for reasons other than just love .


My ex and I didn't have any problems with division of assets, she inherited our home and majority of our savings, but has her fingers out of my business. It was a fair compromise I thought, even though I noticed straight away that she would have been content with minimal - she never was materialistic.

In the end I wanted her to have the house, and it's still home base, especially for our daughter. Reading other folk's stories of destroyed lives due to divorce, ours was quite amicable. In the end ex-wife maintains a quality that I still come to expect if I was to share my life with someone else.


----------



## tripad

My ex after getting me to support this family n yet pay his debts . Now trying to get our home to be sold n fighting majority claim , with no consideration if he wins , where would i n kids sleep . N he withdrew support . Despicable . Even my son was worried n i had to tell him i got things under control n plan B has been made .

Good thing is my son is impressed with me and think i am so " smart and talented ". lol . My only consolation . But mum is pulling her hair in the toilet n banging head for initial months . Till i got more business and money in . Now i don't need his money . A hole .


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> Me and C have in common.
> We're Christians, Complementarians (Traditional Family gender roles), We don't keep close OSFs, iNtuition, fiscal conservatives, want to live life debt free, high sex drives, want children, 90s alt/rock is our favorite genre, both love football, we're both physically affectionate, love to read the same books, we pray together, same humor and wit, neither of us watches TV, the physical attraction between the two of us is off the fvcking charts.
> 
> Things I adore about C
> She's always optimistic, very smart (one of the smartest people I know), I never want her to stop talking (and rarely interrupt her) she is so insightful and words come together with such finesse, she's eloquent, patient, never judgmental, easy to open up to, highly educated, self sufficient, sexy (even in ways only I know), independent, emotionally aware, very assertive, and doesn't expect others to read her mind. She is strong and beautiful inside and out. Her lips and smile are perfect, I even asked her if she ever has cosmetic surgery done, when she smiles, and she smiles a lot her cheeks get so big, and her eyes change shape. I always thought I was a t&a guy, but now I'm a smile guy, the former are awesome too.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She says that she is just as attracted to me, but I don't know how that is even possible.
> 
> Now she wants to show me off to her friends, and I know every single person is going to tell me how lucky I am. I really feel lucky! After so many duds, and even settling on a few duds, I can't let this one go!!!


Not sure i want a Christian.

My ex n his parents are Christians . But big narcissistic A hole . 

I am christian . Still am. But struggling to keep faith in people .


----------



## SecondTime'Round

gouge_away said:


> Me and C have in common.
> We're Christians, Complementarians (Traditional Family gender roles), We don't keep close OSFs, iNtuition, fiscal conservatives, want to live life debt free, high sex drives, want children, 90s alt/rock is our favorite genre, both love football, we're both physically affectionate, love to read the same books, we pray together, same humor and wit, neither of us watches TV, the physical attraction between the two of us is off the fvcking charts.
> 
> Things I adore about C
> She's always optimistic, very smart (one of the smartest people I know), I never want her to stop talking (and rarely interrupt her) she is so insightful and words come together with such finesse, she's eloquent, patient, never judgmental, easy to open up to, highly educated, self sufficient, sexy (even in ways only I know), independent, emotionally aware, very assertive, and doesn't expect others to read her mind. She is strong and beautiful inside and out. Her lips and smile are perfect, I even asked her if she ever has cosmetic surgery done, when she smiles, and she smiles a lot her cheeks get so big, and her eyes change shape. I always thought I was a t&a guy, but now I'm a smile guy, the former are awesome too.
> 
> She says that she is just as attracted to me, but I don't know how that is even possible.
> 
> Now she wants to show me off to her friends, and I know every single person is going to tell me how lucky I am. I really feel lucky! After so many duds, and even settling on a few duds, I can't let this one go!!!


What did you mean when you called her a "hobbit" in your other post?


----------



## Lone Shadow

gouge_away said:


> It might be true that men can compartmentalize better, but that doesn't mean we choose to compartmentalize everything. For some people sex just isn't worth the effort or time without the intimate relationship.
> 
> If I'm horny I can just masturbate, it requires less effort, time, and compartmentalization.


And it's cheaper.


----------



## gouge_away

SecondTime'Round said:


> What did you mean when you called her a "hobbit" in your other post?


Second breakfast is a hobbit thing, from lord of the rings. It was my funny way of saying brunch. Someday, if she ever read that, she would laugh, because she's a lotr fanatic.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

gouge_away said:


> Second breakfast is a hobbit thing, from lord of the rings. It was my funny way of saying brunch. Someday, if she ever read that, she would laugh, because she's a lotr fanatic.


Ooohhh, ok. Went right over my head! I've never read or seen LOTR .


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> Ooohhh, ok. Went right over my head! I've never read or seen LOTR .


Ha ha ha!


----------



## ne9907

Have a second date with the engineer today. I am already tired of dating. 

Btw, I think kissing on the first date is a no no. That is just me!


----------



## SARAHMCD

ne9907 said:


> Have a second date with the engineer today. I am already tired of dating.
> 
> Btw, I think kissing on the first date is a no no. That is just me!


But maybe on the second?:smile2:


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Have a second date with the engineer today. I am already tired of dating.


Hell if I was you I would have picked 2 or 3 out of the 7 and go from there. It's exhausting otherwise.



> Btw, I think kissing on the first date is a no no. That is just me!


Ey? Depends on the chemistry no? When the opportunity arrives for a magical kiss, one would be a fool to miss it! Just my opinion ne way...

Alas, 'tis not as common to have such strong chemistry on first date.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Hell if I was you I would have picked 2 or 3 out of the 7 and go from there. It's exhausting otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> Ey? Depends on the chemistry no? When the opportunity arrives for a magical kiss, one would be a fool to miss it! Just my opinion ne way...
> 
> Alas, 'tis not as common to have such strong chemistry on first date.


I did RD! There is another guy who has been asking me "to hang out" he is 30 years old, so I know what "hanging out" means to him. 29 yo says the same thing, so no thank you.
Also another guy in his 40s who asked me out last sunday for today but havent heard from him, so if he contacts me later, I will cancel.

Yes, kissing depends on the chemistry. To be honest, I have not found someone attractive enough (chemistry wise) that would drive me to kiss on the first date. I am hard to please. 
I remember last year, a guy I went on a date with said "your lips look like they need to be kissed" he leaned in to kiss me. I laughed and moved away... such a corny line


----------



## SARAHMCD

Ne,
I agree, in terms of online dating, I have only kissed on a first date 3x. And I used to be single in NYC and went on a LOT of first dates. Usually the second is the decision maker in terms of chemistry.


----------



## ne9907

SARAHMCD said:


> Ne,
> I agree, in terms of online dating, I have only kissed on a first date 3x. And I used to be single in NYC and went on a LOT of first dates. Usually the second is the decision maker in terms of chemistry.


I have never gone out on so many first dates. Usually, I would go on a date and kinda settle for the guy (I hate dating). Not settling now or ever~


----------



## bkyln309

For me, if I dont want to kiss you on the first, there will not be a second date.


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> For me, if I dont want to kiss you on the first, there will not be a second date.


This is true for me now as well. It didn't used to be. I've learned. 

If I don't feel the chemistry OR he isn't assertive/confident enough to "go for it" then we're not a match.


----------



## gouge_away

SecondTime'Round said:


> Ooohhh, ok. Went right over my head! I've never read or seen LOTR .





FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha!


STR is the best!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I did RD! There is another guy who has been asking me "to hang out" he is 30 years old, so I know what "hanging out" means to him. 29 yo says the same thing, so no thank you.


=/ 
Errr, that's my age, for me hang out means exactly that - hang out, have fun. If I want something serious I'd call it a date, if I call it hanging out it's just casual.



> Yes, kissing depends on the chemistry. To be honest, I have not found someone attractive enough (chemistry wise) that would drive me to kiss on the first date. I am hard to please.
> I remember last year, a guy I went on a date with said "your lips look like they need to be kissed" he leaned in to kiss me. I laughed and moved away... such a corny line


Heh, it can't be as bad as kissy faces. Don't know if you have ever encountered it as a woman but as a man, especially during my youth, girls whenever they wanted a kiss made kissy faces. I hated it! Even if she looks like this:










Hmmm... bewbies though...


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> =/
> Errr, that's my age, for me hang out means exactly that - hang out, have fun. If I want something serious I'd call it a date, if I call it hanging out it's just casual.
> 
> 
> 
> Heh, it can't be as bad as kissy faces. Don't know if you have ever encountered it as a woman but as a man, especially during my youth, girls whenever they wanted a kiss made kissy faces. I hated it! Even if she looks like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hmmm... bewbies though...


I am sorry if I offended you RD. I am 38 years old. I feel 8 years a big gap in age. DO not try to change my views!!!! 

My date last night well extremely well. I did not want to kiss him but had a dream about him....


----------



## Lone Shadow

ne9907 said:


> I did RD! There is another guy who has been asking me "to hang out" he is 30 years old, so I know what "hanging out" means to him. 29 yo says the same thing, so no thank you.


Ok NE. I think I need to clear some things up. First off, I'm 33, not 30.:surprise:

Second, like RD said, when I ask if you want to hang out, I mean just that. Hang out. Go grab a cup of coffee, go for a walk, people watch, etc. 

I mean, ermahgerd, it's not like I invited you over for a night of "Netflix and chill.":biggrinangelA:




ETA: Before anyone gets confused, I'm not the person she is talking about.


----------



## RandomDude

We men are simple creatures, if you haven't already seen this:


----------



## ne9907

Lone Shadow said:


> Ok NE. I think I need to clear some things up. First off, I'm 33, not 30.:surprise:
> 
> Second, like RD said, when I ask if you want to hang out, I mean just that. Hang out. Go grab a cup of coffee, go for a walk, people watch, etc.
> 
> I mean, ermahgerd, it's not like I invited you over for a night of "Netflix and chill.":biggrinangelA:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ETA: Before anyone gets confused, I'm not the person she is talking about.




Speaking of 33 year olds. Have not heard anything from the 33 since Monday. We are supposed to "hang out" tomorrow. I believe my intial assessment after his last text was correct.


----------



## Tulanian

gouge_away said:


> I couldn't do it, FWB, its all or nothing for me. Though I had a fling that lasted awhile, knowing she wasnt marriage material, even then in hindsight, without the sex it would have been a total waste of time.


"Without this really awesome main course, dinner wouldn't have been worth it!"


----------



## Tulanian

SecondTime'Round said:


> Ooohhh, ok. Went right over my head! I've never read or seen LOTR .


 :surprise:


----------



## SARAHMCD

A interesting turn of events. My old high school crush contacted me and wants to meet for a drink next week. What makes it unique is that we both now live in the southeast, in the same town, 5 miles away from each other, but we're from Canada. How weird is that? 

Hey, you never know, maybe that old attraction we had for each other will still exist! He still looks good


----------



## SecondTime'Round

SARAHMCD said:


> A interesting turn of events. My old high school crush contacted me and wants to meet for a drink next week. What makes it unique is that we both now live in the southeast, in the same town, 5 miles away from each other, but we're from Canada. How weird is that?
> 
> Hey, you never know, maybe that old attraction we had for each other will still exist! He still looks good


That is awesome!


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> A interesting turn of events. My old high school crush contacted me and wants to meet for a drink next week. What makes it unique is that we both now live in the southeast, in the same town, 5 miles away from each other, but we're from Canada. How weird is that?
> 
> Hey, you never know, maybe that old attraction we had for each other will still exist! He still looks good


Oh, I don't think that old attraction ever really goes away.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I don't think that old attraction ever really goes away.


I hope you're right. But we were 17. That was...gulp...30 years ago. No matter what, it will be a nice night catching up I'm sure. 
He was the popular extroverted jock, I was the brainy introverted rocker chick. We never dated, but flirted a lot....and made out once. :grin2:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Soon to be TWICE!


----------



## ne9907

I read this article that resonated with me. I feel like the author plenty of times...

I have borderline personality disorder. Here are 6 things I wish people understood. - Vox

I shall have to talk to my therapist about this. I am already on anti anxiety medication, I have a small case of obsessive rumination ~


----------



## Tulanian

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I don't think that old attraction ever really goes away.


Tell me about it. I have a very-long-distance crush on a woman I went to high school with. We haven't seen each other in person for more than 25 years, but we've been in touch. She's not only just as attractive as she was back then, she's even more so.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Tulanian said:


> Tell me about it. I have a very-long-distance crush on a woman I went to high school with. We haven't seen each other in person for more than 25 years, but we've been in touch. She's not only just as attractive as she was back then, she's even more so.


Hopefully he'll feel the same about me  
Either way, it will be nice to catch up and contemplate the serendipity of landing in the exact same place. 

Any plans to actually meet her in person?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

ne9907 said:


> I read this article that resonated with me. I feel like the author plenty of times...
> 
> I have borderline personality disorder. Here are 6 things I wish people understood. - Vox
> 
> I shall have to talk to my therapist about this. I am already on anti anxiety medication, I have a small case of obsessive rumination ~


Thank you for the link. It describes my ex to a T, except replace cutting with bulimia. (Well, until after we divorced when she attempted suicide with a butcher knife). She, however, would never have admitted to having an issue at all. It was like putting a label on it was shameful. No dear, some of the behaviors are shameful, like cheating on your husband and then abandoning your kids.

Sorry... got off on a mini rant there. 

Thanks again for the link. Glad you are in therapy and putting in the work to better yourself NE. I'll mention it in my next IC as well.


----------



## ne9907

Thanks @The good guy,

I have never harmed myself or thought about doing that, but I exhibit a lot of the aspects the author describes. I do get anxiety about the stupidiest ****!!!! Like drivign to Los Angeles, but I have actually become really good about identifying the reason of the anxiety and fight it. 
Haha, another aspect I identified with was when the author was explaining how we crave stability, and how she texted a guy she liked 11 times!! I have done that. Perpahs not 11 times in a row... more like five times 
That is one of the reason I no longer text the people I go out on dates with, I still obsess and anxiety kicks in but I leave my phone out of my feelings. 
I have finally conquered the back and forth text conversation rule~


----------



## Tulanian

SARAHMCD said:


> Any plans to actually meet her in person?


Not currently. She's in a relationship. We seem to move in and out of relationships with a near-perfect lack of synchronicity. If one is free, the other is involved.

She actually came to town a few months back, and we were supposed to meet for drinks, but she wound up MIA. Maybe she was concerned that something might happen between us. I certainly was, and it was a dilemma. I wound up deciding I'd rather see her happy with someone else than do anything to mess up what she has. 

The weird thing is people that see our interactions on Facebook have been known to ask me if we have a "thing." No, there's no thing. But tomorrow hasn't been decided yet, so...


----------



## TooNice

Hey all! 
Relaxing and enjoying a quiet night tonight. I am running my second half marathon in the morning. (My first was four weeks ago!) Excited to finish and to have it off my calendar! I'm looking forward to winter training to see what I can do next summer.

I never did hear from my dream date guy. He never came back on Tinder, either. I was talking to a friend yesterday who works with all sorts of people and has great insight into human nature. When I told her some of the details, her first thought was that he may be bipolar. The way we clicked, and the things he said to me... it just doesn't add up. Anyway, clearly not meant to be, I suppose. 

I am in a bit of a pickle, however. A dear friend is getting married soon, and I need a date to take to the wedding. I have one possible option to ask, but he's still pretty new. And likely would have to work that day, anyway. Argh. What have others done when in need of a great plus one?


----------



## RandomDude

Ack!

Why do you NEED a date to take to a wedding?


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Ack!
> 
> Why do you NEED a date to take to a wedding?


Haha-fair enough. Okay, I don't NEED a date. But this is a hometown friend and there will be lots of high school classmates there. I went solo to my 25th reunion, but I would prefer to show up to this with a cute man on my arm!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

I went to a wedding solo a month ago. Well, I rode with a married couple and we met other friends there. I was the only one from our "group" who was solo, and I felt way more comfortable than if I'd brought a date who wasn't my boyfriend. If you have a group of friends you feel comfortable with, I say just tag along with them!


----------



## RandomDude

Daughter helped me clean the apartment today, she's such a good girl! Whole place is spotless!

And they say I spoil my daughter pffft! She earns it!


----------



## tech-novelist

RandomDude said:


> I spent most of my life poor, and had to work 84 weeks for years when married just to support my ex and daughter (the cause of many issues)


Yes, I can imagine having to work 84 weeks for years would be a problem. I mean, just figuring out where to buy the calendars would be tough! >


----------



## 06Daddio08

SecondTime'Round said:


> I went to a wedding solo a month ago. Well, I rode with a married couple and we met other friends there. I was the only one from our "group" who was solo, and I felt way more comfortable than if I'd brought a date who wasn't my boyfriend. If you have a group of friends you feel comfortable with, I say just tag along with them!


Yup!

Went to a wedding last Saturday with all of my friends (I know the bride / groom personally) without a 'date'. Guess who was at the center of the dance floor, tie around their forehead? This guy!


----------



## Lone Shadow

Yeah, I think I would have had to find a date. Even if it was a coworker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

SecondTime'Round said:


> I went to a wedding solo a month ago. Well, I rode with a married couple and we met other friends there. I was the only one from our "group" who was solo, and I felt way more comfortable than if I'd brought a date who wasn't my boyfriend. If you have a group of friends you feel comfortable with, I say just tag along with them!


I went solo to my 25th reunion last year and hung out with friends there-but it was the couple who is about to get married.  A date would be nice for this one. I'm comfortable going alone, but I'd rather not, if that makes sense.


----------



## FeministInPink

One of my best buds happens to be a guy, so I'm his automatic plus-one (if we're both single at the time) for a lot of stuff, including weddings, if they are local. I would ask him if I needed a date. It's good to have a friend like that.

At a wedding we went to last spring, the photographer said we were the most photogenic people he'd met all night! We're both quite smiley 

Plus, he likes to dance, so he is great fun.


----------



## RandomDude

technovelist said:


> Yes, I can imagine having to work 84 weeks for years would be a problem. I mean, just figuring out where to buy the calendars would be tough! >


It was hell looking back, I don't think I can do it again, even if I know I did adapt to my circumstances back then. It paid off though, now I rarely have to work (also why I can't imagine it anymore)

A wise man once said that "entrepreneurship is about doing what others won't so you can live like others can't", yet I never really had the drive until daddyhood. It does make me wonder really how far I've come, from the streets doing crime to being able to semi-retire before 30 legitimately.

All of it due to my daughter, without her, I'll probably still be working casual shifts in some dead end joint. Amazing how parenthood can just shift your priorities in life and inspire great achievements. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit proud.

Though I try to keep my feet firmly on the ground, remembering my humble roots - as I CAN'T STAND RICH PEOPLE!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Ack!
> 
> Why do you NEED a date to take to a wedding?


Go alone n get a man there !


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> technovelist said:
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I can imagine having to work 84 weeks for years would be a problem. I mean, just figuring out where to buy the calendars would be tough!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It was hell looking back, I don't think I can do it again, even if I know I did adapt to my circumstances back then. It paid off though, now I rarely have to work (also why I can't imagine it anymore)
> 
> A wise man once said that "entrepreneurship is about doing what others won't so you can live like others can't", yet I never really had the drive until daddyhood. It does make me wonder really how far I've come, from the streets doing crime to being able to semi-retire before 30 legitimately.
> 
> All of it due to my daughter, without her, I'll probably still be working casual shifts in some dead end joint. Amazing how parenthood can just shift your priorities in life and inspire great achievements. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit proud.
> 
> Though I try to keep my feet firmly on the ground, remembering my humble roots - as I CAN'T STAND RICH PEOPLE!
Click to expand...


RD

Good for you .


----------



## Another Planet

SARAHMCD said:


> A interesting turn of events. My old high school crush contacted me and wants to meet for a drink next week. What makes it unique is that we both now live in the southeast, in the same town, 5 miles away from each other, but we're from Canada. How weird is that?
> 
> Hey, you never know, maybe that old attraction we had for each other will still exist! He still looks good


I ended up with an exGF from 15 years ago after I filed for divorce. It was fun, same energy and passion. But alas it ended exactly the same as every other time but it was a fun 6 months. There are reasons things happen the way they do, energies mesh and it never changes much...time doesn't change that type of thing ya know


----------



## Another Planet

ne9907 said:


> I read this article that resonated with me. I feel like the author plenty of times...
> 
> I have borderline personality disorder. Here are 6 things I wish people understood. - Vox
> 
> I shall have to talk to my therapist about this. I am already on anti anxiety medication, I have a small case of obsessive rumination ~


NE if I remember correctly your ex was a gargantuan narcissist. One of the worst parts about the narcissist and the borderline is their ability to convince their partners that they are the crazy ones. 
I personally don't think you are a borderline and our online personas have known each for quite a while now. Remember a narcissist or BPD will NEVER even remotely admit that there is a problem with themselves. 
Boundaries are the most important strategy for dealing with people with these disorders, you can't let them come in to far mentally or personally.


----------



## Another Planet

Glad to see some new smiling faces around here


----------



## tripad

Another Planet said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I read this article that resonated with me. I feel like the author plenty of times...
> 
> I have borderline personality disorder. Here are 6 things I wish people understood. - Vox
> 
> I shall have to talk to my therapist about this. I am already on anti anxiety medication, I have a small case of obsessive rumination ~
> 
> 
> 
> NE if I remember correctly your ex was a gargantuan narcissist. One of the worst parts about the narcissist and the borderline is their ability to convince their partners that they are the crazy ones.
> I personally don't think you are a borderline and our online personas have known each for quite a while now. Remember a narcissist or BPD will NEVER even remotely admit that there is a problem with themselves.
> Boundaries are the most important strategy for dealing with people with these disorders, you can't let them come in to far mentally or personally.
Click to expand...

Yup

My ex makes me wonder if i am mad or the one with the behvioural issues . Till today , i always re - analyze my words n actions n wonder if i did something wrong .


----------



## Todi

Well. Newly single and officially leaving the "Coping with Infidelity" forum! I guess this is where I belong now. New to this "Live after Divorce" thing... :smile2:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Yup
> 
> My ex makes me wonder if i am mad or the one with the behvioural issues . Till today , i always re - analyze my words n actions n wonder if i did something wrong .


Here's the thing. If someone is making crazy to you be it gaslighting or any other maneuver, they KNOW for sure what they are doing, and they absolutely know that they have some kind of pathology going on, i.e. that they are crazy. 

How, why, when and where you choose to use this is up to you. But what I'm saying is that you only have to find the screw, and turn it.
Your strength is your sanity and clarity of thought. Never forget that.

There's a lot of crazy in the world. If you happen to find yourself surrounded by it, move to a safer place and you will feel loads better. Parry and strike. If you're not up to the psychological battle ground, it's easy enough to become a pacifist in the matter, but being a pacifist does not mean doing nothing. You still need to protect yourself from the crazy making with evasive/defensive maneuvers.


----------



## FeministInPink

Interesting theory came up in convo on Sunday with a good friend on Sunday. She is the ex-girlfriend on my XH's best friend (she and best friend broke up about a year after XH and I married), and she and I have been friends for years, since long before XH and I married.

Friend: Hey, did XH ever do coke?

Me: Well, he told me that he had used it a few times before he met me, but that he was done with that sort of thing. So I don't think so. But he lied about so many other things, he could have lied about that, too. He knew drug use was a deal-breaker for me, so if he was, he would have definitely kept it a secret. He knew I would leave him if I found out he was using anything.

Friend: Well, ex-BF told me once that he was having an awful day, so he did a bump at work (ex-BF and XH work together at the same bar), and he refused to tell me where he got it. Which never made sense to me, because it wouldn't really matter WHERE he got it from. Unless he got it from your XH. That is the only person he would have to protect.

Me: Because you would tell me right away if it was XH.

Friend: Of course! So I think it must have been your XH.

Me: And when was this?

Friend: Maybe 6 months before your wedding? But it only just now occurred to me that it might have been your XH.

Me: Well, that would mean if XH was using coke, it started at least 6 mos before the wedding, but probably earlier. That makes sense. It coincides with when he started working at the bar, so he was spending less time with me, so he could easily hide it from me... and it coincides with when he started to lose interest in sex, and then he did have that weird period of time when he lost that weight, and then afterwards he started getting depressed (it seemed) and losing interest in his personal hygiene. And when he started working at the Rooster, the money was SO great, and then he started bringing home less, and he said that business was really bad, and I couldn't figure out how the owner managed to keep the place open if business was that bad... but I was making a lot more money by then, so we weren't HURTING for cash, so I didn't really think about it.

Friend: Seems to make everything fit, doesn't it? And kind of explains why he was so willing to walk away from literally EVERYTHING.

Me: Yeah, it kinda does.

Friend: Good thing we got away from them, isn't it?

Me: Very good thing.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm convinced that my XH was using cocaine, but as a theory, it explains damn near everything. And it would have been very easy for him to hide this from me. He made all his money in cash, and so I wouldn't have seen huge withdrawals from the bank account. And we only saw each other on Sundays and Monday evenings, so as long as he abstained on those two days, I never would have actually seen him high. And he probably mis-represented his drug use prior to meeting me. I'm going to bet that he did a lot more than he owned to, which would explain why he was always broke all the time, before we got together. And it's explaining a lot of other things, too...


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Interesting theory came up in convo on Sunday with a good friend on Sunday. She is the ex-girlfriend on my XH's best friend (she and best friend broke up about a year after XH and I married), and she and I have been friends for years, since long before XH and I married.
> 
> Friend: Hey, did XH ever do coke?
> 
> Me: Well, he told me that he had used it a few times before he met me, but that he was done with that sort of thing. So I don't think so. But he lied about so many other things, he could have lied about that, too. He knew drug use was a deal-breaker for me, so if he was, he would have definitely kept it a secret. He knew I would leave him if I found out he was using anything.
> 
> Friend: Well, ex-BF told me once that he was having an awful day, so he did a bump at work (ex-BF and XH work together at the same bar), and he refused to tell me where he got it. Which never made sense to me, because it wouldn't really matter WHERE he got it from. Unless he got it from your XH. That is the only person he would have to protect.
> 
> Me: Because you would tell me right away if it was XH.
> 
> Friend: Of course! So I think it must have been your XH.
> 
> Me: And when was this?
> 
> Friend: Maybe 6 months before your wedding? But it only just now occurred to me that it might have been your XH.
> 
> Me: Well, that would mean if XH was using coke, it started at least 6 mos before the wedding, but probably earlier. That makes sense. It coincides with when he started working at the bar, so he was spending less time with me, so he could easily hide it from me... and it coincides with when he started to lose interest in sex, and then he did have that weird period of time when he lost that weight, and then afterwards he started getting depressed (it seemed) and losing interest in his personal hygiene. And when he started working at the Rooster, the money was SO great, and then he started bringing home less, and he said that business was really bad, and I couldn't figure out how the owner managed to keep the place open if business was that bad... but I was making a lot more money by then, so we weren't HURTING for cash, so I didn't really think about it.
> 
> Friend: Seems to make everything fit, doesn't it? And kind of explains why he was so willing to walk away from literally EVERYTHING.
> 
> Me: Yeah, it kinda does.
> 
> Friend: Good thing we got away from them, isn't it?
> 
> Me: Very good thing.
> 
> Now, I'm not saying that I'm convinced that my XH was using cocaine, but as a theory, it explains damn near everything. And it would have been very easy for him to hide this from me. He made all his money in cash, and so I wouldn't have seen huge withdrawals from the bank account. And we only saw each other on Sundays and Monday evenings, so as long as he abstained on those two days, I never would have actually seen him high. And he probably mis-represented his drug use prior to meeting me. I'm going to bet that he did a lot more than he owned to, which would explain why he was always broke all the time, before we got together. And it's explaining a lot of other things, too...


I'm curious FIP, not to sound too much like a therapist, but how does this knowledge make you feel? Does it upset you that he lied to you/hid this important deal-breaker from you? Does the fact just slide off you now ie. not bother you anymore? Does it help to put the pieces together and understand him better?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

tripad said:


> Yup
> 
> My ex makes me wonder if i am mad or the one with the behvioural issues . Till today , i always re - analyze my words n actions n wonder if i did something wrong .


Mine does this, too, but I'm getting a lot better at not falling for it. After going for a period of time when he wouldn't even text me directly for anything, but instead text my daughter to then text me (i.e. when he wanted to know if I had his first aid kit), yesterday he texted me out of the blue a long angry rant full of exclamation points about how the kids are buying too many snacks at school. (We put money in their account and can view online what they've purchased). The old me would have responded in defense something like, "Well don't blame me! I'm not at school holding their hands all day!", to which he'd call me crazy for thinking he was blaming me, it's not all about me, blah blah. Instead, I didn't respond to him at all. There was no reason for him to text ME about that and not them (they are in 7th and 9th grades) so there was no need for me to respond. I did speak to them briefly about it, but I'm sure he'll deliver a long lecture when he gets them next. 

I've noticed he seems to do stuff like this on Mondays. If he's still going to counseling, he goes on Tuesdays. It is almost as if he's hoping to get a rise out of me and start an argument, and get me to say something nasty so he can go to his counselor with proof of how crazy I am. Of course I'd never tell HIM my theory because he'd just call me crazy .


----------



## tripad

We dont communicate at all now .

He started in early stages by telling me he wont answer me if i dont admit my faults ! N receive him like king ! 
It hurts me so much then .Then i said be it . 

Later we communicate wrt kids . Then he accused me of things n i told him off . Then he decides not to communicate even wrt kids . 

Now he will text the kids directly n kids dont bother to reply . Sad isnt it ? 

If my kids do that to me , i will feel the knife through my heart ! 

They text him unless they want something done or to arrange pick up time . 

Initially he text weird messages to kids too calling me the wicked witch who hid their phone to cut communication with him . In fact the kids lost the phone once , the other times they used up the money , others they didnt bother . He told the kids i m a monster mum .

Sigh . 

Yes . My sanity is my sanctuary .


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I'm curious FIP, not to sound too much like a therapist, but how does this knowledge make you feel? Does it upset you that he lied to you/hid this important deal-breaker from you? Does the fact just slide off you now ie. not bother you anymore? Does it help to put the pieces together and understand him better?


Ha ha, no worries 

it's no knowledge, so much as a possible theory. I have no proof, and I'm no longer speaking with anyone who might be able to verify it. But, for argument's sake, let's say that it is absolute knowledge, because I've been kind of thinking of it that way. And I've been pretty indifferent, actually. He lied to me about so many things, this is just be another lie. He pretended to be someone he wasn't to get me to fall in love with him; this is just one more example. If anything, it makes me that much more grateful that I got out when I did.

BUT I think he should pay me half of however much money he spent on cocaine, because he spent marital funds on drugs. Money that was half MINE on drugs, and I would like to re-coup that. He essentially stole from me. THAT part pisses me off. But it will never be recouped, so I need to let it go.

But if this IS true, then everything makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE now, and it further validates that I was right to leave. But if he was doing cocaine before we married, I wish that I had found out then. I could have called off the wedding, and avoided everything that followed. But the past cannot be changed, and so there is no point in dwelling on that.

So, basically, yeah, it's kind of rolling right off my back.


----------



## RandomDude

You only saw each other on Sundays and Monday evenings?

Is this the norm in DC?


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> You only saw each other on Sundays and Monday evenings?
> 
> Is this the norm in DC?


was wondering about that too but then it is all over for her now .

maybe that is why it is over ? FIP ?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> You only saw each other on Sundays and Monday evenings?
> 
> Is this the norm in DC?


No, it's not the norm. I work a 9-5. When he was a chef, we had more time together, even though he did work some nights. He started bar managing in 2006, at which point he began working nights, 6 pm - 3/4 am, Tues through Sat. So, we were working opposing schedules for our entire marriage, and he had no interest in changing that.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> was wondering about that too but then it is all over for her now .
> 
> maybe that is why it is over ? FIP ?


That wasn't the reason that we split, but I think it was an indirect contributing factor.

ETA: It bothered me that we didn't have enough time together, but he didn't see it as a problem. And he refused to take any time off for vacations together, etc. And whatever time we spent together was very poor quality time (according to me), which he also disagreed with--he thought ignoring me and watching TV or playing video games for hours on end should be completely acceptable to me and count as quality time.

So, it wasn't the schedule difference as much as his sh!tty attitude that did us in.


----------



## RandomDude

Well... that's getting me thinking...

Struggling to determine if falling in love and marriage was a mistake or if it wasn't...
I seem to be starting to forget what it was like, the pain, dramas, and what not...
Wonder if it's healthier to remind myself of the negative experiences or to remind myself of the more positive ones...

In the end, I learnt so much, and overall I gained from it, my life changed.

:scratchhead:
Meh

/end random thought


----------



## FeministInPink

I've found that the time and distance are allowing me to look back at it more objectively, and with less emotion.

That's why I find this new theory interesting, but it doesn't really anger me.

I'm seeing more clearly where things started to fall apart, and recognize where I might have done more to change the course of events, but I also see that it was doomed early on. Anything I could have done would either ended the marriage earlier, or ended the relationship before we married. I don't think the relationship could have been saved, but perhaps I could have saved myself the pain of an unhappy marriage and the subsequent divorce.

And looking at it objectively allows me to remember both the good stuff AND the bad stuff, and still know that I did my best, and that ending the marriage was still the best decision for me.


----------



## tripad

Fip. Rd .

It also got me thinking . Did he behave that way before marriage ? Or you found out after ? 

Just like my case . I caught a glimpse of it before marriage but already in a committed relationship . Love makes you give it a discount n think it is a small issue that it can be overcome . 

Like you , looking back , whatever i would have done would end the relationship or marriage . It would not change anything since there'll be no change from him n hs family.

Like RD , i wonder , going forward , what do i want in a partner , n do i should i have a " all or nothing " attitude towards a mate's qualities ?


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, no worries
> 
> it's no knowledge, so much as a possible theory. I have no proof, and I'm no longer speaking with anyone who might be able to verify it. But, for argument's sake, let's say that it is absolute knowledge, because I've been kind of thinking of it that way. And I've been pretty indifferent, actually. He lied to me about so many things, this is just be another lie. He pretended to be someone he wasn't to get me to fall in love with him; this is just one more example. If anything, it makes me that much more grateful that I got out when I did.
> 
> BUT I think he should pay me half of however much money he spent on cocaine, because he spent marital funds on drugs. Money that was half MINE on drugs, and I would like to re-coup that. He essentially stole from me. THAT part pisses me off. But it will never be recouped, so I need to let it go.
> 
> But if this IS true, then everything makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE now, and it further validates that I was right to leave. But if he was doing cocaine before we married, I wish that I had found out then. I could have called off the wedding, and avoided everything that followed. But the past cannot be changed, and so there is no point in dwelling on that.
> 
> So, basically, yeah, it's kind of rolling right off my back.


I think it's good to figure this stuff out, even years later. It helps boost the self-esteem a bit to figure out that the way things went down in the end was really not your fault at all.

I recently had an epiphany of my own. Just out of the blue, I realized that my ex had always stayed in a crappy job without ever trying hard to find a better one, and only moved up in the world when something serendipitous came along. For some reason, it was better to endure the crap job than put in effort to retrain or take a chance on something else. I watched it happen over and over for years. No matter what I encouraged, how supportive I was, my ex just wouldn't pursue opportunities, preferring to suffer than take chances or put in any effort.

My epiphany was that was the same approach my ex must have taken to our marriage. My ex thought it was a crap marriage, but wasn't willing to do anything about it or end it. Until another partner serendipitously came along behind my back.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Fip. Rd .
> 
> It also got me thinking .* Did he behave that way before marriage ? Or you found out after ?
> *
> Just like my case . I caught a glimpse of it before marriage but already in a committed relationship . Love makes you give it a discount n think it is a small issue that it can be overcome .
> 
> Like you , looking back , whatever i would have done would end the relationship or marriage . It would not change anything since there'll be no change from him n hs family.
> 
> Like RD , i wonder , going forward , what do i want in a partner , n do i should i have a " all or nothing " attitude towards a mate's qualities ?


The answer is complicated. For the first few years before marriage, things were fine. Things (he) changed in increments, over time. When I landed my first full-time university job, things were still good, but when I started taking classes to finish my bachelors, I think that's when things first started to change; he started going out without me more. I had to go to bed early, because I had to get up at 6 am so I could go to class in the morning before reporting to work at noon, and when I got home from work, I couldn't really go out much because I had homework. And then when he left/lost his job (I think he lied to me regarding the circumstances around that), he spent 6 months unemployed, and things deteriorated, but I attributed that to depression over losing the job. I thought it was temporary--we had been together 4 years by that point, and I thought it was just a tough time that we needed to get through. Sex dropped off significantly at this point, among other things. I thought I just needed to tough it out. When he got the bartending job, things continued to deteriorate, but wedding plans were well underway, and I was distracted by my schoolwork, too. By the time we got married, sex was already at <1x/month, but we were also on the newlywed high, and I started grad school shortly after that. So, we were never having sex, we never saw each other, and I had a convenient distraction in grad school that allowed me to turn a blind eye to the problems... not to mention that I didn't have the emotional skills to understand/see what was going on (dysfunctional relationship role models, etc). It wasn't until I finished grad school that I allowed myself to acknowledge what was happening, and that process took a really long time. 

There's no way I could have finished grad school if I hadn't turned a blind eye to the deterioration of my marriage. I'm not proud to admit that, but I think my subconscious knew that grad school was the better investment. I was going to lose my marriage anyway; no sense in losing all the work I put into my grad degree, too. I had worked too hard to get to that point to sacrifice it for a marriage that was doomed to fail.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I think it's good to figure this stuff out, even years later. It helps boost the self-esteem a bit to figure out that the way things went down in the end was really not your fault at all.
> 
> I recently had an epiphany of my own. Just out of the blue, I realized that my ex had always stayed in a crappy job without ever trying hard to find a better one, and only moved up in the world when something serendipitous came along. For some reason, it was better to endure the crap job than put in effort to retrain or take a chance on something else. I watched it happen over and over for years. No matter what I encouraged, how supportive I was, my ex just wouldn't pursue opportunities, preferring to suffer than take chances or put in any effort.
> 
> My epiphany was that was the same approach my ex must have taken to our marriage. My ex thought it was a crap marriage, but wasn't willing to do anything about it or end it. Until another partner serendipitously came along behind my back.


I agree.

And funny, my XH was very similar. He was never a person who took action in his own life; instead of actively making choices in his own life, he waits until things would get so bad (both professionally and personally) until someone else makes the choice for him. He couldn't make the choice to leave; our MC had to suggest it to him. He wouldn't file for divorce, even though he had moved on and was fvcking someone else; I had to do it.


----------



## bkyln309

What is it with these men who dont want to work? My ex was unemployed 8 out of 16 years. Including where he left a Director level position without my knowledge. He planned to never work again. 

And the signs turned up before marriage but everyone just said he is young. He is a good guy marry him. WORSE ADVICE EVER!!!

Of course he manipulated them all.


----------



## FeministInPink

I think my XH likes the easy and lack of responsibility that comes with bartending. But I also know that he's not saving anything or putting any money towards retirement. 

Luckily, his lack of forethought did work in my favor a little bit. While we were married, I was socking a lot of money into MY retirement fund, thinking that I had to plan for 2 people to live on my retirement savings--and I convinced him not to touch my retirement when we split.

Dumb dumb move on his part, but very good for me


----------



## TheGoodGuy

bkyln309 said:


> *What is it with these men who dont want to work?* My ex was unemployed 8 out of 16 years. Including where he left a Director level position without my knowledge. He planned to never work again.
> 
> And the signs turned up before marriage but everyone just said he is young. He is a good guy marry him. WORSE ADVICE EVER!!!
> 
> Of course he manipulated them all.


Hey now, don't lump us all together! :grin2: I have no clue though. Not wanting to work does not compute for me. Even if I'd like to relax and take it easy, I have responsibilities, so that means I work to take care of them. End of. There is no "well, I guess I can just let xyz take care of me for a while" in me at all.


----------



## tripad

Yup

My ex is kinda lazy too .


----------



## bkyln309

Its sad because it makes you want to say to the next guy, "What is your employment history?" Of course its not an interview so I dont say it. But I am thinking how do I ask about debt and working without sounding like a total opportunist. 

I do know I will never support another man again. I make good money and have a stable work history. I expect by middle age you better have it together as far as working goes.


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> Its sad because it makes you want to say to the next guy, "What is your employment history?" Of course its not an interview so I dont say it. But I am thinking how do I ask about debt and working without sounding like a total opportunist.
> 
> I do know I will never support another man again. I make good money and have a stable work history. I expect by middle age you better have it together as far as working goes.


Hmmm

That's my problem too .

I will not support another man nor put food on table for him to eat nor pay his debts .

How to go abt finding out without sounding like i am a gold digger ? 

But you know the problem is that a man like my ex fake it so well i was " con " . I was already careful in early days before i was married as i was doing better than my peers but yet i was con .


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Mine was willing to work but only on what HE wanted to work on. I met him while he was in law school and he dropped out of that right after we married halfway through his second year. Then he did some subcontract work for a company and opened his own business which went out of business because he was overextended and then hit a slow period due to a hurricane. He job-hopped for a while, had a minor health issue, job hopped a bit more... everyone he worked for was stupid, couldn't see his ideas were better, etc. Finally another business where he could work for himself and set his own hours, which is good considering he's nearly always late. Always on the next get rich scheme and dreaming big but never making anything happen. Meanwhile I always worked but we were never able to save.

So glad I'm in charge of my own finances. And while I'm not a gold digger, it IS a turn-on to have a man who is a go-getter, even if it's for small profits. A passion and a drive are sexy regardless of the return on investment. I'd rather be with a chef who owns his own restaurant and nets a small profit than someone who sits around dreaming and works off and on even if they make more than the chef.

Part of my dilemma with my male friend. He is a hard worker, excellent with finances, motivated and very handy and we are like two peas in a pod. But we are a bit sexually mis-matched and the passion is lacking. If we could have one good make-out session that COULD change but we haven't had the normal dating experience.


----------



## tripad

EnjoliWoman said:


> Mine was willing to work but only on what HE wanted to work on. I met him while he was in law school and he dropped out of that right after we married halfway through his second year. Then he did some subcontract work for a company and opened his own business which went out of business because he was overextended and then hit a slow period due to a hurricane. He job-hopped for a while, had a minor health issue, job hopped a bit more... everyone he worked for was stupid, couldn't see his ideas were better, etc. Finally another business where he could work for himself and set his own hours, which is good considering he's nearly always late. *Always on the next get rich scheme and dreaming big but never making anything happen. Meanwhile I always worked but we were never able to save.
> *
> So glad I'm in charge of my own finances. And while I'm not a gold digger, it IS a turn-on to have a man who is a go-getter, even if it's for small profits. A passion and a drive are sexy regardless of the return on investment. I'd rather be with a chef who owns his own restaurant and nets a small profit than someone who sits around dreaming and works off and on even if they make more than the chef.
> 
> Part of my dilemma with my male friend. He is a hard worker, excellent with finances, motivated and very handy and we are like two peas in a pod. But we are a bit sexually mis-matched and the passion is lacking. If we could have one good make-out session that COULD change but we haven't had the normal dating experience.


my ex is the same . dream of big things and live like he has arrived at my expense and my profits . Though I make good money , I live like a poor soul . Till after my divorce , suddenly I had my money to spend ! No need to save for his accidental debts anymore .

I think I will have an orgasm over the next guy when I see him having a drive and passion in his work .


----------



## RandomDude

Guess semi-retirees like me are out of luck!


----------



## gouge_away

My ex just flat out lied about her debt, hid it, and lied to my face whenever I questioned her credit history.

She justified it because she: "was afraid you wouldn't have married me had you known the truth about my debt," her exact words.

Even in court she lied and said her debts are half of what they actually are, my attny corrected her false statements. You should have seen her attny's face when he realised just how over her head she really was.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Its sad because it makes you want to say to the next guy, "What is your employment history?" Of course its not an interview so I dont say it. But I am thinking how do I ask about debt and working without sounding like a total opportunist.
> 
> I do know I will never support another man again. I make good money and have a stable work history. I expect by middle age you better have it together as far as working goes.


SO TRUE.

I'm not materialistic, and I'm not a gold digger, but I want a man with solid financials and a good work ethic. My XH had bad financials, but I overlooked it (me=too young to know better). I am NEVER going there again. A man should he able to take care of his business.


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> My ex just flat out lied about her debt, hid it, and lied to my face whenever I questioned her credit history.
> 
> She justified it because she: "was afraid you wouldn't have married me had you known the truth about my debt," her exact words.
> 
> Even in court she lied and said her debts are half of what they actually are, my attny corrected her false statements. You should have seen her attny's face when he realised just how over her head she really was.



My ex is even more out of this world .

I paid his debts . I have the documents to prove the loan to him.

N guess what ?

He turned around said it was my debts as i am a big spender n that he helped to shoulder for me till he could not carry any more . That he asked me to pay . He said i was in fact paying my own debts . 8-}


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Guess semi-retirees like me are out of luck!


I can consider the yacht ?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Don't you love it when their attorneys finally realize *their* clients are the loose screw?


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## bkyln309

You mean you hold down a job and arent in debt? SWOON!!!!!!


----------



## ne9907

Another Planet said:


> NE if I remember correctly your ex was a gargantuan narcissist. One of the worst parts about the narcissist and the borderline is their ability to convince their partners that they are the crazy ones.
> I personally don't think you are a borderline and our online personas have known each for quite a while now. Remember a narcissist or BPD will NEVER even remotely admit that there is a problem with themselves.
> Boundaries are the most important strategy for dealing with people with these disorders, you can't let them come in to far mentally or personally.


Thank you for this AP! So good to see you, hope all is well~~


I finished my latest Tinder experience. I deleted the app Monday because I dont feel like meeting new people. I met some interesting people, still talking to two (on the phone) that I havent met in person yet.
The only connection I found was with the 33 year old and I did not heard from him after that one good night text. 

Perhaps in about a month I will re join Tinder, but for now, I am content 

Oh! so since Monday, I have been feeling depressed and sad. Ive told you that I am on anti anxiety medication, sometimes I get really depressed as well. THe anti anxiety medication is also anti depression. I am coping well, except on some days.
Anyway, last night the one guy called me and I told him I did not want to talk to him. He asked me why, so I said "There is something you should know about me, if you wish to continue getting to know me, I have depression."
He took the news rather well, and even offered to listen to my feelings. I dont feel adequate talking to him about my issues, so I told him no and that I wanted to be alone (when I am depressed, I do). He understood. 
Today, he sent me a good morning text and asked me to go on a hike with him. I have not meet him in person yet, he is my FB friend though.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

EnjoliWoman said:


> Don't you love it when their attorneys finally realize *their* clients are the loose screw?



My first son's father's attorney had a mental breakdown in court when she came to the sorry conclusion about the loose screw. My attorney and I ended up consoling her, telling her she wasn't the first to get taken in, and excusing her, and walking away from court until my husband could find himself a new attorney. Then he complained that our state was crooked, because he ended up having a parenting plan and an increase in support, plus legal fees. He got the best firm in the state, too, and could only get so far as mediation. And, he was able to phone in because he was overseas. Even then, he complained cause he had to get up in the middle of the night and 'couldn't think straight'. His attorney was sitting across the table from us, pregnant as all get-out and started rolling her eyes.


----------



## RandomDude

Makes me wonder really, before marriage when I was with ex, I was on a very modest income with no degree or education. As a result, it was one of the reasons ex and I had a hard time getting past family and friends.

She always believed in me however, and she was right in the end. I didn't even know I had it in me at that time, the potential to succeed, everything up to that point of my life was survival. Herself, coming from a wealthy family, had zero financial standards.

Very naive and dangerous mentality that I wouldn't even suggest for my own daughter! But anyway, it wasn't exactly a walk in a park to marry a woman without financial establishment.

How did your ex-husbands get past your family and friends?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Well, we were in a group of friends. And he also had almost nothing, just liking in an officer's billet and had 4 kids he was paying support for. I liked the kids. Would plan family activities, do homework with them, got along great with their mom. We even took mom's stepdaughter with us sometimes, so she wouldn't be left out. 

The job he eventually got, where he was making big money, was on account of something I did on his behalf when he was in the military. I was invited as a junior officer to a meeting - anyhow... When he did end up working for this contractor later, and failed to pay support, it was the contractor that sent me a check every week, not him. When he left that company (or series of companies due to division being bought/sold over time) he went into arrearages again...so I 'found' a job for him he couldn't refuse, using connections. 

Once he was married to me, there was no getting around family and friends. 
They pretty much made a narrow path for him to follow...pay support, buddy, or your a** is cooked professionally.
He ended up marrying a very stoic Finn. Her career tanked, but whatever. Not my problem.
Even at 25 I knew he was a liability long-term, to stay married. 
Same thing with my recent ex. If your spouse's reputation isn't good, you're going to go down with the ship. So make like a rat. Jump and swim.


----------



## gouge_away

EnjoliWoman said:


> Don't you love it when their attorneys finally realize *their* clients are the loose screw?


Or, "I'm not getting paid for this?"


----------



## RandomDude

=/

So no protests against your union? None of your friends or family expressed doubts about his financial future? You married him anyway? Why? For similar reasons like ex and I? Or what? Hope?

Curious cause I'm coming to the impression that "old world" families are much stricter than "new world" families it seems... ex's family and mine, both immigrant families from 'old world' countries of Europe and Asia. Traditionally, man = provider, inability to provide is shameful. Hence everytime ex-wife offered help from her family I refused and put myself through 84 hour weeks instead.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I can't even begin to answer that RD.
We would need to exist in the same universe.
Since I don't want to become frustrated with you, I'm not even going to begin to pick apart the underpinnings and assumptions of your questions.
Bleh! (Rhymes with Meh!)

Smooches.


----------



## RandomDude

What? It was an honest question, no assumptions or underpinnings - I'm just curious... (If I'm making assumptions - why am I asking questions?)
I was real lucky that ex-wife gave me a chance over her own family, I also know such doesn't happen often. Yet I keep reading of men leeching off their wives from several of the TAM stories, including yours - which yes - it's like another universe to me! I was poor (~20k before marriage) but I never leeched. Been paying my own way since I was a teenager (which ex did respect - probably why she gave me a chance)

But I know it's your reality, so I want to know - how the hell did they get past family and friends?


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> What? It was an honest question, no assumptions or underpinnings - I'm just curious... (If I'm making assumptions - why am I asking questions?)
> I was real lucky that ex-wife gave me a chance over her own family, I also know such doesn't happen often. Yet I keep reading of men leeching off their wives from several of the TAM stories, including yours - which yes - it's like another universe to me! I was poor (~20k before marriage) but I never leeched. Been paying my own way since I was a teenager (which ex did respect - probably why she gave me a chance)
> 
> But I know it's your reality, so I want to know - how the hell did they get past family and friends?


In my case I lived far from family. They really dont know him. He had a low level job when I met him but my friends wrote that off to this age. I didnt find out he had debt until we got married. He was such a great guy (likeable and kind). He fooled everyone. He was loved by everyone.


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> What? It was an honest question, no assumptions or underpinnings - I'm just curious... (If I'm making assumptions - why am I asking questions?)
> I was real lucky that ex-wife gave me a chance over her own family, I also know such doesn't happen often. Yet I keep reading of men leeching off their wives from several of the TAM stories, including yours - which yes - it's like another universe to me! I was poor (~20k before marriage) but I never leeched. Been paying my own way since I was a teenager (which ex did respect - probably why she gave me a chance)
> 
> But I know it's your reality, so I want to know - how the hell did they get past family and friends?
> 
> 
> 
> In my case I lived far from family. They really dont know him. He had a low level job when I met him but my friends wrote that off to this age. I didnt find out he had debt until we got married. He was such a great guy (likeable and kind). He fooled everyone. He was loved by everyone.
Click to expand...

Similar .

In beginning , he was nice n likeable n seemed to he husband material . I get comments like i got a good man who took good care of me . I was earning more than him .

Later , when we are in committed relationship , his family and him asked for a little help . I helped .

Later , after marriage , such " financial help " became larger . N he just doesnt pay for things n gave excuses . 

By this time , being in a marriage , i find in embarrassing to tell people that my husband is a " loser " and just " soldier on " hoping things will improve when his salary will improve .

So family n friends never realise anything . In fact , they thought and some made comments that he had taken care n provided well for me n kids . They never realized it was me supporting tge family n paying his unknown secret debts .

When i cant go on like that as he started hitting me , in front of kids !!!!! n i seriously wanted divorce , i told a couple of gf and they were shocked n they said they would not have believe me if i had not been their gf . N my brother was devastated thinking all along i was in a good marriage . 

All supported the divorce strongly .


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> I agree.
> 
> And funny, my XH was very similar. He was never a person who took action in his own life; instead of actively making choices in his own life, he waits until things would get so bad (both professionally and personally) until someone else makes the choice for him. He couldn't make the choice to leave; our MC had to suggest it to him. He wouldn't file for divorce, even though he had moved on and was fvcking someone else; I had to do it.


It's like there's an echo in here! It was our MC that dragged the 'I want a divorce' out after accusing my ex of cowardice, and finally ended my painful limbo.


----------



## FeministInPink

Similar to tripad for me. He was a really good faker, and he had the wool pulled over everyone's eyes. When things got bad, I didn't think anyone would believe me, because he made sure our relationship appeared perfect to other people. He was always about keeping up appearances. 

The people I did talk to (ok, just my mom--don't know why I thought that was a good idea) rugswept on XH's behalf. She said that all marriages go through rough patches, and that I should talk to him and stick it out. (Knowing what I know now, of COURSE that is what my mother would say.)

It wasn't until I spoke to people completely unfamiliar with my XH--here on TAM, and some new friends IRL--that I was finally able to get some perspective. And then our MC backed all of that up.

I found out much later, when I filed for D, that my father had a LOT of reservations about XH. But my dad had kept it to himself--I suspect at the urging of my mother.


----------



## vi_bride04

I could combine so many of your posts and it would describe my ex as well. 

I know in the future anyone who is extremely concerned with their image or what people think about them is a red flag.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Four years ago today I made the biggest mistake of my life and married XH3. Third time's the charm, right? Get it??


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

I just don't get it - the whole ex fooling everyone thing


----------



## RandomDude

Ne way guys, considering doing an MBA, at least get some formal education under my belt. I studied business administration out of my own free time in the earlier years of establishing my business but none of it can be translated into a degree. However with years experience as owner and MD I found I am able to procure an MBA without a bachelor degree.

Though, my reasons for doing it are a little odd - quite frankly I am curious of the whole uni experience, as I didn't do high school. A big part of life experience missing...

Or meh, truth is, I'll never use it unless my business goes bust (which isn't likely to happen at this rate despite the economic downturn in my country), so I could be just wasting my time


----------



## tripad

Life's lessons is an MBA . 

Education is good to have when you have nothing n young . It doesn't guarantee success . But it sure manages you to have a job and put food on table . 

Many other successful people in business doesnt have an education .


----------



## tripad

RD 

What line of business that you have ? Curious . That defies the economy downturn .

Mine . Education n it defies economy downturn too . Another line of business is property and it is cyclical .


----------



## tech-novelist

bkyln309 said:


> What is it with these men who dont want to work? My ex was unemployed 8 out of 16 years. Including where he left a Director level position without my knowledge. He planned to never work again.
> 
> And the signs turned up before marriage but everyone just said he is young. He is a good guy marry him. WORSE ADVICE EVER!!!
> 
> Of course he manipulated them all.


I don't understand this either. Both of my brothers are like that, and it drives me crazy because both of them are fairly intelligent and could do something useful with their lives.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes, so far my success was gained without even finishing high school, but it's not about success that makes me consider the MBA, it's about finally being able to call myself educated!

Defy the economic downturn? My industry is hospitality, and it IS suffering. Competition for business is ruthless! All my venues however, so far, remains ahead. Despite already having a very large, established client base and solid reputation, business development never ends with me. It's for this reason alone that I am unable to delegate my responsibilities (unless I find someone with equivalent or superior industrial connections and knowledge as me), and now I'm pushed by shareholders towards very risky expansion projects which could be the beginning of the end, but nevermind that.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I just don't get it - the whole ex fooling everyone thing


I don't get your post-- what about it don't you get?


----------



## RandomDude

Nevermind, after reading you guys' posts I'm getting the idea. Just curious how they seem to have got it so easy while I never gained ex's family's respect until much later. Meh


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I just don't get it - the whole ex fooling everyone thing
> 
> 
> 
> I don't get your post-- what about it don't you get?
Click to expand...




RandomDude said:


> Nevermind, after reading you guys' posts I'm getting the idea. Just curious how they seem to have got it so easy while I never gained ex's family's respect until much later. Meh


Let me guess 

RD cant understand because he doesnt think that way .

Just like i cant understand my ex for that long why he did all that . I kept explaining . He kept silent or he faked agreement n i thought i got through . Only when he does it again , and again , i realised he never understood . 

When i divorced him , he actually said i should continue to educate him and give him more chances as i would my sons . 

I just simply told him i am not his mum . N he can have his mum now . 

Till the day i realized we all have our different beliefs n principles n when two are on different page , they cant understand the other , and never will . 

So RD has different beliefs so he wont get it why a man does that .

Just like as a independent working woman i cant understand why a pretty woman would get fuzk by an old obese ugly boss just for money . 

I


----------



## tripad

N how they fool everyone .

They all did .

They are sly bastard who sell you what you want most in a spouse .

I just wanted an honest family man n he sold that image to me and all .

I wanted a man who doesn't see me as a capable woman earning money . He sold me the image that money is not important as he is godly n holy . 

He is in fact a complete opposite . 

He should be a swinging bachelor.

He and his family parents sisters suck the finances out of me n my boys . They live it up n incur debts which he then begged me to pay ! On his knees ! After which he turn around n act like king ! 

My brother said he probably tried but decided not to be one and gave up at some point . Pretty much like a closet gay who decides to be a gay after all .

Whatever . He is history . Their debts their problem .

My money mine to spend for me n boys . Thank god i am capable n independent . Or else i will be sleeping on streets .


----------



## RandomDude

Don't know what to say really, except to suggest why not for next time - look for men who actually have some pride AS a man?

Leeching off a woman financially, begging on his knees (like WTF?!), these are not behaviors attributed to men with a sense of traditional responsibility.


----------



## tripad

Rd

Remember ?

It wasnt like this in the beginning . Or I would have ran . 

It was only after i am committed in a relationship . Got worse over time after marriage . N even worst straight after i am pregnant as he said you wont leave n make the baby fatherless . Sadly , he is right . I cant n won't . I was justing giving time to my children . 

Yup . On his knees . Beg . Wtf .

More wtf is when after i paid . He was good a while and again , debts . N hitting me in front of my kids when i questioned abt money is more wtf . 

Scum . Not a man .


----------



## RandomDude

Bait and switch...

Tell me honestly though, did you ever get the feeling things were just not right?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Bait and switch...
> 
> Tell me honestly though, did you ever get the feeling things were just not right?


I know your question was directed at tripad, but I'm going to answer for me.

There were things that I SHOULD have recognized. You know, red flags... if I'd had a healthy childhood, if my parents had a healthy relationship, etc., I would have noticed them. But they seemed completely normal to me, because they were familiar.

When I DID have a feeling that something wasn't quite right... I ignored it or dismissed it, because I had been conditioned for YEARS by my FOO to do so.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Makes me want to write a book, "how does one be in tune with their instincts"... yet it might probably only help out people like me along my 'wavelength'... *sigh*

Being decieved and used is admittedly a fear of mine, hence I always held back investing my emotions in ex-GF with all the signs my instincts cried out; 'this isn't the type of woman you can trust by your side if fortunes turn for worse'

This is also giving me a fear that my daughter as a child of divorce will grow up with no example of a healthy marriage to draw from as well... all this is quite depressing...


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> I know your question was directed at tripad, but I'm going to answer for me.
> 
> There were things that I SHOULD have recognized. You know, red flags... if I'd had a healthy childhood, if my parents had a healthy relationship, etc., I would have noticed them. But they seemed completely normal to me, because they were familiar.
> 
> When I DID have a feeling that something wasn't quite right... I ignored it or dismissed it, because I had been conditioned for YEARS by my FOO to do so.



I had a great childhood with two parents who were madly in love. I saw signs but everyone poo poo ed them. Then when I filed, I became the mean one or people would say I knew something wasnt right. I ask them then why didnt you tell me? I have committed myself to saying something to my friends if this is the case in the future.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Bait and switch...
> 
> Tell me honestly though, did you ever get the feeling things were just not right?


Not at all . Thought i was lucky and landed with a great guy . I thought he was a simple honest family godly type of man but fashionable and smooth enough . I didn't mind that i was doing a lot better than him .

If i had known better , i would have gone with the other guy , a rich man's son , really rich , but i was afraid he would be a player , although he doesn't look anything like that . In fact , he looked like a old fashioned boring guy , quite a looker though . 

My ex liked to say he is " an honest guy who cant tell lies " . And on hind sight now , i realised he purposefully fidgit when he told little white lies , with intention to be " caught telling meaningless lies " that i won't bother about . Just so that he can declare " i simply cant tell a lie without being seen through by you " .

Turn out he lied to me throughout entire marriage !!!!!

I get the feeling that things were not right when we were in a committed relationship with plans to get married .

The phonecalls for money came from his family . He played the trapped " victim " who needed a little help from his high flyer gf . 

After marriage , it is when i knew things were not right . The money needed to help got bigger . 

I was too proud initially to let my marriage fail . I tried hard . 

I read somewhere that a narcissistic man looks for woman they can trap and use n i just had some of those qualities . Damn . My strength became my weakness .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Makes me want to write a book, "how does one be in tune with their instincts"... yet it might probably only help out people like me along my 'wavelength'... *sigh*
> 
> Being decieved and used is admittedly a fear of mine, hence I always held back investing my emotions in ex-GF with all the signs my instincts cried out; 'this isn't the type of woman you can trust by your side if fortunes turn for worse'
> 
> This is also giving me a fear that my daughter as a child of divorce will grow up with no example of a healthy marriage to draw from as well... all this is quite depressing...


I dont think all children of bad families will end up with no good examples .

Frankly i didnt grow up in a glass house with barbie dolls . I grew up poor with father n brothers cursing n swearing n fighting . I learned what i should not do . I learned i need an education to get out of this poverty cycle n mess . I did . I work my ass off and through university n graduated .

My friends thought i went to party when in fact i went to work . I suppose i didnt look like a pooe nerd so they assume that . They just didnt realise i wanted to graduate so much more than anyone in that room so i dont have o suffer another year .

I learned not to swear n curse like my family . Although it comes in really handy when i need to in tough business negotiation . Or to handle lusty octopus hands clients or colleagues .

You learned the negatives and what not to do .

Having said that , that is me . My siblings are different . They followed the same path my family was .

I am entirely different from my siblings . 

However , i think that having grown up in such rough and tough environment makes one able to tolerate bad behaviour better . If i am a barbie princess , i suppose i would have walked away from my marriage earlier ?


----------



## tripad

N yes RD

The fear is real .

I fear getting someone like my ex . Fear of being conned n lied to . Fear of a person who sell you the image of what you looked for but is entirely not . Fear of being in love with a protrayed image who will never be there once you are " baited " .


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> I get the feeling that things were not right when we were in a committed relationship with plans to get married .


So there WAS a gut feeling prior to marriage, I knew it! 

I just find it hard to believe that a man can get so far with lies without even sparking some doubt - and quite frankly I don't want to believe it, because if they can do it, women can too! 

And that makes me wary...

As for the other guy, you thought he was a player? Why? Curious now, because several women while dating has expressed their suspicions of me being a player for no reason! And it sh-ts me!


----------



## tripad

That guy was long ago before i was married .

No idea why i think he is a player . He looks good but old fashioned at 27 years old when i was still happy modern n partying . He is quiet and only listened when i talked and talked very little when i asked questions so you can call that boring at that age . 

Why do i think he is a player ? Simply because he is really rich , from a rich family . I have seen many rich men having mistresses in my job . 

Maybe i waa dumb because looking back , he is probably too boring to be a cheat . 

Why do people think you are a player ? 
You are in hospitability business thats why . Plus money . Lethal mix for cheating .


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

bkyln309 said:


> I had a great childhood with two parents who were madly in love. I saw signs but everyone poo poo ed them. Then when I filed, I became the mean one or people would say I knew something wasnt right. I ask them then why didnt you tell me? I have committed myself to saying something to my friends if this is the case in the future.


I had a pretty good childhood with two parents who cared and worked hard, and are still together.

My ex had a pretty good childhood with two parents who cared and worked hard, and are still together.

One of us turned out to be a lying, manipulative, cheater with an inflated sense of self-entitlement.

And then there's me.

After the marriage collapsed, my parents were understanding and told me they had never approved but didn't say anything because they knew I had to make my own mistakes and telling me would only have gotten my back up. 

My ex's parents were shocked and disappointed, and very supportive to me.

If a narcissist or psychopath can fool you, they can probably also fool your family and theirs.

Really, what online dating needs is a reviews section where your previous spouses and dates can rate you.


----------



## tripad

Hopeful

If ex's parents were nice , where did your ex pick up narcissistism ?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> *Bait and switch...*
> 
> Tell me honestly though, did you ever get the feeling things were just not right?


This is what happened to me with XH2. He was wonderful. He was laid back, easy going, soft spoken...he didnt have hardly any temper. He didnt make a lot of money, but worked his ass off... absolutely adored the hell out of me, he made me feel beautiful and smart. 

He turned out to be the most critical, negative, hateful person I ever met. He hated women. Well, really he hated everyone. He lives as a horrible old hermit now, doesnt even speak to his son. His true persona came out very slowly over time. Its really really scary to think that you can fall in love with someone who isnt themselves at all.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> That guy was long ago before i was married .
> 
> No idea why i think he is a player . He looks good but old fashioned at 27 years old when i was still happy modern n partying . He is quiet and only listened when i talked and talked very little when i asked questions so you can call that boring at that age .
> 
> Why do i think he is a player ? Simply because he is really rich , from a rich family . I have seen many rich men having mistresses in my job .
> 
> Maybe i waa dumb because looking back , he is probably too boring to be a cheat .


lol! Oh come on!



> Why do people think you are a player ?
> You are in hospitability business thats why . Plus money . Lethal mix for cheating .


:|



3Xnocharm said:


> This is what happened to me with XH2. He was wonderful. He was laid back, easy going, soft spoken...he didnt have hardly any temper. He didnt make a lot of money, but worked his ass off... absolutely adored the hell out of me, he made me feel beautiful and smart.
> 
> He turned out to be the most critical, negative, hateful person I ever met. He hated women. Well, really he hated everyone. He lives as a horrible old hermit now, doesnt even speak to his son. His true persona came out very slowly over time. Its really really scary to think that you can fall in love with someone who isnt themselves at all.


=/

Ok your turn - no gut feeling?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Ok your turn - no gut feeling?


Nope. I wish there had been, because my gut is pretty spot on for the most part.


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> Nope. I wish there had been, because my gut is pretty spot on for the most part.




That freaks me out...

Complete unexpected betrayals with no warning... then again, I had mine at 12, maybe it's necessary to have one per lifetime to teach one situational awareness? ah hell nevermind me, random thoughts...


----------



## tripad

Gut feel or not .

Kinda felt complete turnaround and betrayal after i helped him clear his debts when he begged me to . 

My ex said a lot of things but what hurt the most was that he said he chose his parents n sisters who was the main cause of the debts n problem , over my boys n i n that , he would divorce me . That after i paid his debts off ! I felt so used . 

When i divorce , he asked if i am breaking the family for my boys . Duh ? 

I told him why didnt you say that before you kneel and begged me to help n save him and the family for my boys . At least i could divorce and keep my money .

This part was a complete turnaround . Complete betrayal after using me up till the last bit . 

I much prefer him to fuzk another woman n divorce me and leave me with money to feed my kids .


----------



## RandomDude

In other news...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSgJeVwjnpc

:rofl:
Not everyday I hear Darth Vader sing!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

tripad said:


> Hopeful
> 
> If ex's parents were nice , where did your ex pick up narcissistism ?


Beats me. I think it must have been a combination of having everything provided as a child, blending into being a strong personality who can easily influence others, and gradually transforming into a sense of entitlement that this is what is supposed to happen in all things.

I would not say my ex is full NPD, but definitely has some strong traits!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

So, what's everyone doing for fun / R&R these days?
See any good movies, go to any interesting places?
Read any good fiction books?
Got your hair done or been clothes shopping for a new look, home decorating?


----------



## FeministInPink

Today I'm just chilling at home. I got back last night from a week-long recruiting trip with 4 colleagues, and I needed some alone time.

I'm trying to watch Avatar, but the Blu-ray player on my laptop is being persnickity, so now I'm installing the Windows 10 upgrade on my laptop, in hope that will fix the problem. I usually use my Playstation to play my Blu-rays, but it's still in a box somewhere.

If I can't get this to work, I might have to get dressed and go somewhere to watch a movie.

Nah, I'll just watch one of the movies I have on Vudu, or find something on Hulu.

Ooh! There's new epis of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal on Hulu right now.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I'm in SC so we are stuck inside all weekend. Torrential rains and high tides flooding most roads. City shut down and blocked off.
I was supposed to have a first date today but we have to postpone until probably next weekend now. I was eager to meet him so it's frustrating.
Getting lots of reading, Netflix binge watching and sleeping in.
Just waiting for the Ark to come by.....


----------



## TooNice

Yikes - stay safe, Sarah!

I had a second date today. Great guy, and we get along really well. Unfortunately, I'm just not physically attracted to him. I shouldn't feel so bad about it, especially after just two dates, but I will never be comfortable with this part. I know I should probably call him tomorrow and say something, but... ugh. I definitely think he feels a bigger connection than I do.

I am volunteering at a big marathon in my town tomorrow. I'm working a water station 16 miles in, and I am super excited to see some of the people I have met in my running groups. Should be fun, and I will be working with some folks I love to spend time with, too. 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!


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## RandomDude

Either you let him go or you'll be leading him on, let him go!

For me personally I NEVER go "well, I don't find her attractive, maybe I should give her a chance", if I don't find her attractive means the physical chemistry just isn't there and she deserves someone who can appreciate her form of beauty. If she's invested more than me - all the more reason to let her go!

Sure, beauty isn't everything, and personality can make one very attractive despite perceived flaws among one's standards of beauty - ex-wife for example, never really hit all my standards, but there was still physical attraction, even if not as strong; she always had great legs for e.g., smooth skin etc...

If there's none, let him go!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FiP: What kind of recruiting do you do? Did you go anywhere interesting and hopefully your colleagues were fun or at least good company. I've got stuck with some doozies a couple times, and it stinks when you have to share a car especially with anyone who goes on and on and is not a great driver :-| Then there are the amazing trips...or at least the ones with a memorable event, scenery or person along the way.

Sarah, sorry about all the rain, it should be gone soon? And the missed first date. If it's an unsuccessful match, you'll get another week's benefit out of it before having to discard? ;-) Personally I find it hard to find the energy for enthusiasm for a date, so I find I don't go out on that many. I've discovered that thing in Match where you can prevent people from seeing you unless you want them to, but what about the guys who are also using that? Then the people who are looking and like-minded about privacy can never find each other. They should have some kind of grope-in-the-dark mode for that. I might turn off my private mode today and see what/who finds me. Honestly, most men my age aren't fit or healthy, and I just find that so unattractive. I can see why older women spend so much time together in groups. I try to be open minded. I'm 51. One of my kids has a friend whose dad is 62 and he's very nice and attractive. We get along great. However, he's married and I'm sure he has flaws I don't know about. hahaha. But at least I have it set in my mind that I shouldn't age-discriminate and that there's hope, somewhere... 

I dated a guy I thought would be a good fit. He had a problem with being on time, then he had a problem with keeping plans, then he had a problem with keeping track of things - losing things and so forth, and home organization, and I realized he also had a sleep issue with keeping to any kind of schedule. We went backpacking and that was an awesome date, the best date I ever had, actually, but he was so disorganized getting out of the house that we ended up hiking in the dark. He didn't have a headlamp or walking sticks which are great for balance in the dark (and wet). He brought no food. And forgot his jacket (I had a spare fleece) but amazingly set up the tent in the dark and was great company, no problems at all. So I thought maybe he's a little goofy and admittedly not a lot of backpacking experience, no problem, I have plenty and had everything needed to look out for us. Though should have known better and brought an extra headlamp (he had a small flashlight). Finally, he had/developed a delusion about his house being infested with fleas, and was seeing fleas where there weren't any. He spread bags and bags of diatomaceous earth all over his house (5 bedrooms, big) including near his high-end electronics. It was very bizarre. His former sister in law had recently gone into a coma and died, and it seemed as though he was completely traumatized by this. Apparently she was a closet alcoholic. I work in psych services and have been around loads of people who are professionals and have had all kinds of weird mind-bending issues that just need a bit of care to set right. However, he won't see how completely out of touch with reality he is. So, that didn't end badly, it just ended. He flaked on me one day and didn't call when he was supposed to, to arrange afternoon plans. It was 1:00 so I left to go on a hike, and he completely lost it. Mind you, he lives an hour away, it would have taken him an hour or so to 'get ready', and the hike or activity (if we had biked) was at least 40 minutes away...so not going to happen and the mountain I wanted to go to has an access road that's going to close soon for the season. Intolerable to stay in all day and I figured, if he was cool with changing plans and essentially flaking because of this or that maybe he wouldn't get upset if I just went hiking and we could catch up later. Ummmm, nope. He really thought he was being accountable, and completely went ballistic that I didn't wait around for him to call. I had my cell phone with me the entire time...no call although I did get a text. Later he claimed he never got my message that I was leaving. Maybe that's true, but really, 10 dates and he was late, or changed, or flaked on all of them. Aside from that, very sweet, smart, and sincere. Not a player. Just really, tragically, ****ed up. I told him about the fleas not existing except in his mind, and how out of touch he is with the way he manages his time/logistics and other things, and even offered to go with him to a psychiatrist to be assessed, that emotional trauma and lack of sleep can really throw someone, but he would have none of it. So I had to throw back that fish. I don't have a problem with psych illnesses if they don't include violence or malice. But I do have a problem when they're untreated and unmanaged...and affect my ability to have a coherent life. I'm so peeved, because we got along great when we were together. One of the few people besides my kids I can sit around with and read, or enjoy a Shakespeare play, outdoor activities were fun, dinner conversation great, and physical attraction was all there (he was a bit less fit than I would have liked, considered himself to be very fit...but got a little winded and sweaty when hiking, twice, and when out kayaking said his back hurt...so think he was a bit delusional about his fitness level as well...but whatever, he wasn't totally out of shape.) So, Major Bummer!!!!!!!! I'm really infuriated. And he blames everything on me, for that one time I went hiking without him because he no-showed on the planning and I waited at least an hour past when he said he was going to call. Which, is way too much, I know. Now I have nobody to read or backpack with, well, except my kids. There's a lot to be said for that but the younger two are growing up fast. 

So, my 'excitement' for today is to run 3 miles up to a cafe on the outskirts of my town, get a coffee and a muffin, and then run back home. Probably it will be more of a jog/walk/amble but whatever. Then I have my research work to play with all day, and an audio book I'm listening to for a book discussion group later on in the month.

RD and TooNice...good advice. If there's no attraction then why even bother. But there also has to be that feeling of compatibility. Somewhere in there is a balance. But you have to have something to start with. 

My work at least is going well and taking on direction with fleshing out my further studies and research for the not too distant future. I'm also toying with the idea of going to Iceland for Christmas. There is nothing here for me except a big giant Santa my town puts at one of the intersections for the season. There's a guy I would like to get to know better but there's a woman he met on the internet who moved in with him and doesn't seem to give him any peace and quiet. Half the time he looks like he doesn't know what hit him when she's around...when I see him when she's not around he's a completely different person. I guess that's his problem, because I'm not going to take on this woman, she's pretty scary. I'm glad I'm not him. Ironically, the guy I dated who had the delusional flea problem said he met a woman through online dating a few years ago and they got married within 5 weeks. It seems some other woman he dated was a hoarder, as was his ex-wife who he's giving a couple grand to every month so she can pay her mortgage because she didn't have time to look for a job over the summer, guess because her sister drank herself into a coma, or whatever reason...then he also goes to some weird new age health coach (wonder why he's not healthier both physically and mentally because of this) that costs an arm and a leg and he got involved with them because a woman he dated works there. I think he's being had, he had a huge allergy report but maybe something from a hair sample. I told him he should see a board-certified allergist (and a board-certified psych :-| ) But hey, that would mean hearing the truth, and that's probably too scary and would interfere with the delusions. I get that.

So, that was my excitement and now... 

good to see my present crazy-free boring but pleasant enough life isn't too different from anyone else's. Glad I don't have to deal with work trips or storms or liking someone I'm not attracted to. Also, my Netflix works just fine ;-)


----------



## tripad

Just started online profile . Got a few replies . N i kinda look through their profile and didnt like what i see . Or look at their photos n didnt think i will be attracted . n find the whole online dating thing really a chore .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Just started online profile . Got a few replies . N i kinda look through their profile and didnt like what i see . Or look at their photos n didnt think i will be attracted . n find the whole online dating thing really a chore .


It is. Finding a partner is a huge task. It's really difficult to decide to put the time and energy into meeting people. But if you want to be partnered and want to have a say in the matter it makes no sense to be passive. Somewhere there's a balance. But I've found it's best not to get your hopes up.

Deciding on deal breakers is really difficult. I have a coffee meeting with a guy who has a master's degree and whose primary language is English, but he constantly misuses words, such as using 'their' for 'there'. And he set up a date and got the calendar date a week off when confirming...the week after next vs. this week. Is our population really becoming that uneducated and scattered? It seems to be my experience, not just socially in dating, but also work-wise. Scary. Makes you wonder if someone is messing around with the US food supply chain or maybe drug use really is that common now. No idea. 

I almost got hit by a car today when out running. The woman saw me, but she was clearly deranged in some way. And yet, still driving. 

It feels like when I was a kid again, dealing with the late 60's and early 70's before psychedelic drugs were really cracked down on and marijuana was so very common too. I used to have to check driver's eyes before crossing the street to the library. Not to mention that was the last round of high rates of PTSD.


----------



## TooNice

Thanks for the feedback, all. I knew as soon as he dropped me off what I needed to do. I won't lead someone on. This guy would seriously make a good friend, though. I sent him a note just now. I struggle with the whole dating "etiquette" thing. What's ok, what's not. I ended up sending him a note on OkC. It felt better than texting him. I feel like I maybe should have called him, but I know I was more eloquent about it via e-mail. 

Th online dating thing IS definitely a lot of work, but I do like the way you put it, Homemaker - being passive gets you nowhere if you want to find someone. Which is also why I knew I had to tell this guy there wasn't a big spark for me. He deserves to move on to the next potential spark, too! 

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!


----------



## RandomDude

You mentioned he's already invested in you - if he's already compromised emotionally best to give him a wide berth for a while IMO. But that's just me - I find it's best to avoid the emotional drooling and orbiting that occurs while their infactuation is still in effect.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> best to give him a wide berth for a while
> 
> it's best to avoid the emotional drooling and orbiting that occurs while their infactuation is still in effect.


Pardon my naviety 

What does the above quote means ?


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker, the 10-date guy who's always late sounds like a piece of work. I mean, I'm habitually late and disorganized, but I make an effort, and when I care, I manage to be on time (relatively, within 5 mins). That kind of stuff would even make me crazy!

Honestly, the newer guy doesn't sound so great, either :/

I've found that OLD is hit-or-miss, with a lot more miss than hit. I've also only done the free sites. It might be better on the pay sites.

I work for a specialized professional graduate school admissions office. On these trips, I travel with reps from similar programs. We go to colleges and host info sessions for undergraduates interested in pursuing careers in our field, and talk to them about long-term planning for careers and grad school. The idea is to plant the seed, so that they apply 3-5 years from now. Luckily, my colleagues are pretty cool, and I've known most of them for several years. We enjoy one another's company. We goof around a bit. J-Dawg compared it to the Muppet Movie, which is more accurate than he realized


----------



## TooNice

The guy took it well, and you know what? I think we might be able to stay connected. We really do get along well - I'm simply not attracted to him. But we have great conversation and share quite a few interests. We have been having a nice text conversation since he first responded to my e-mail, so I am hopeful that I got a friend out of this one. 



FeministInPink said:


> I've found that OLD is hit-or-miss, with a lot more miss than hit. I've also only done the free sites. It might be better on the pay sites.


I'd love to hear what others have to say about this one. I signed up for Match the day my divorce went through, and I have had one date. In seven months. And I don't find the men on there to be any different from the free sites, either. I get as many hook-up propositions there as on OkC. It's a chore, indeed.

And FIP, your job sounds fun.


----------



## FeministInPink

Like any job, some of it is fun, some of it sucks. My boss is really difficult to work with, which makes me dislike my job immensely, frequently. I'm planning my exit strategy for next summer.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FiP, thanks for the sympathy. I can pretty much count on one hand the number of times I've been late in the past few years. Both times I got caught on the road and was in an area with no cell phone reception. I felt horrible, but also my friends understood because we do live in an area where longer trips to visit can meet both with obstacles (nature and man) and with no cell reception. 

This guy was extreme. I mean, I could deal with him being late, but the flaking out on making plans and circling around leaving because he was so disorganized was irritating. Then the non-existent fleas kind of threw me. I think he has some O-C underlying the delusion, and anxiety on top of everything else. Geez, get a grip, at least get some psych drugs. Love how everyone thinks if they only had a good relationship and a health coach, that will solve everything, and the problems are 'always' one-time or justifiable under the circumstances...only there are always circumstances.... Right-O. Failure to cope with ordinary life is what it is. Dealing with just one person in the here and now is unsettling for someone that out of their mind. Especially when you are the poster child for sane. It's gotta s*ck big time dealing with me. I never try to warp the space-time continuum, ever. Magical thinking is not my forte. Nor is lying, to anyone else or to myself. 

I noticed that the constructive narrative thing that guys do to me now are just plain irritating. They say things like going on a trip, or going here or there, or doing this or that. All while failing to deliver in real time. Why do people do that...don't they realize that the real thing delivered right now is what counts, not woulda coulda should or will do at some point in the future but too busy with pie in the sky to actually make a solid plan....

Irritating!!!!!

Doing anything with Flea Bag was fun, but like expending all my energy to give it the inertia it needed to keep moving forward. 
I want to be a date, not a social worker. At least bring something to the table, money and cuteness don't go very far.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Pardon my naviety
> 
> What does the above quote means ?


It means I don't expect someone's feelings to stop just because I tell them it's not reciprocated - in fact, many times, their feelings will intensify. 

Giving them space, getting out of their lives for a while, helps the butterflies die off. Once their infactuation is gone, mutual friendship is possible.


----------



## TooNice

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Dealing with just one person in the here and now is unsettling for someone that out of their mind.


So true!


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> FiP: What kind of recruiting do you do? Did you go anywhere interesting and hopefully your colleagues were fun or at least good company. I've got stuck with some doozies a couple times, and it stinks when you have to share a car especially with anyone who goes on and on and is not a great driver :-| Then there are the amazing trips...or at least the ones with a memorable event, scenery or person along the way.
> 
> Sarah, sorry about all the rain, it should be gone soon? And the missed first date. If it's an unsuccessful match, you'll get another week's benefit out of it before having to discard? ;-) Personally I find it hard to find the energy for enthusiasm for a date, so I find I don't go out on that many. I've discovered that thing in Match where you can prevent people from seeing you unless you want them to, but what about the guys who are also using that? Then the people who are looking and like-minded about privacy can never find each other. They should have some kind of grope-in-the-dark mode for that. I might turn off my private mode today and see what/who finds me. Honestly, most men my age aren't fit or healthy, and I just find that so unattractive. I can see why older women spend so much time together in groups. I try to be open minded. I'm 51. One of my kids has a friend whose dad is 62 and he's very nice and attractive. We get along great. However, he's married and I'm sure he has flaws I don't know about. hahaha. But at least I have it set in my mind that I shouldn't age-discriminate and that there's hope, somewhere...
> 
> I dated a guy I thought would be a good fit. He had a problem with being on time, then he had a problem with keeping plans, then he had a problem with keeping track of things - losing things and so forth, and home organization, and I realized he also had a sleep issue with keeping to any kind of schedule. We went backpacking and that was an awesome date, the best date I ever had, actually, but he was so disorganized getting out of the house that we ended up hiking in the dark. He didn't have a headlamp or walking sticks which are great for balance in the dark (and wet). He brought no food. And forgot his jacket (I had a spare fleece) but amazingly set up the tent in the dark and was great company, no problems at all. So I thought maybe he's a little goofy and admittedly not a lot of backpacking experience, no problem, I have plenty and had everything needed to look out for us. Though should have known better and brought an extra headlamp (he had a small flashlight). Finally, he had/developed a delusion about his house being infested with fleas, and was seeing fleas where there weren't any. He spread bags and bags of diatomaceous earth all over his house (5 bedrooms, big) including near his high-end electronics. It was very bizarre. His former sister in law had recently gone into a coma and died, and it seemed as though he was completely traumatized by this. Apparently she was a closet alcoholic. I work in psych services and have been around loads of people who are professionals and have had all kinds of weird mind-bending issues that just need a bit of care to set right. However, he won't see how completely out of touch with reality he is. So, that didn't end badly, it just ended. He flaked on me one day and didn't call when he was supposed to, to arrange afternoon plans. It was 1:00 so I left to go on a hike, and he completely lost it. Mind you, he lives an hour away, it would have taken him an hour or so to 'get ready', and the hike or activity (if we had biked) was at least 40 minutes away...so not going to happen and the mountain I wanted to go to has an access road that's going to close soon for the season. Intolerable to stay in all day and I figured, if he was cool with changing plans and essentially flaking because of this or that maybe he wouldn't get upset if I just went hiking and we could catch up later. Ummmm, nope. He really thought he was being accountable, and completely went ballistic that I didn't wait around for him to call. I had my cell phone with me the entire time...no call although I did get a text. Later he claimed he never got my message that I was leaving. Maybe that's true, but really, 10 dates and he was late, or changed, or flaked on all of them. Aside from that, very sweet, smart, and sincere. Not a player. Just really, tragically, ****ed up. I told him about the fleas not existing except in his mind, and how out of touch he is with the way he manages his time/logistics and other things, and even offered to go with him to a psychiatrist to be assessed, that emotional trauma and lack of sleep can really throw someone, but he would have none of it. So I had to throw back that fish. I don't have a problem with psych illnesses if they don't include violence or malice. But I do have a problem when they're untreated and unmanaged...and affect my ability to have a coherent life. I'm so peeved, because we got along great when we were together. One of the few people besides my kids I can sit around with and read, or enjoy a Shakespeare play, outdoor activities were fun, dinner conversation great, and physical attraction was all there (he was a bit less fit than I would have liked, considered himself to be very fit...but got a little winded and sweaty when hiking, twice, and when out kayaking said his back hurt...so think he was a bit delusional about his fitness level as well...but whatever, he wasn't totally out of shape.) So, Major Bummer!!!!!!!! I'm really infuriated. And he blames everything on me, for that one time I went hiking without him because he no-showed on the planning and I waited at least an hour past when he said he was going to call. Which, is way too much, I know. Now I have nobody to read or backpack with, well, except my kids. There's a lot to be said for that but the younger two are growing up fast.
> 
> So, my 'excitement' for today is to run 3 miles up to a cafe on the outskirts of my town, get a coffee and a muffin, and then run back home. Probably it will be more of a jog/walk/amble but whatever. Then I have my research work to play with all day, and an audio book I'm listening to for a book discussion group later on in the month.
> 
> RD and TooNice...good advice. If there's no attraction then why even bother. But there also has to be that feeling of compatibility. Somewhere in there is a balance. But you have to have something to start with.
> 
> My work at least is going well and taking on direction with fleshing out my further studies and research for the not too distant future. I'm also toying with the idea of going to Iceland for Christmas. There is nothing here for me except a big giant Santa my town puts at one of the intersections for the season. There's a guy I would like to get to know better but there's a woman he met on the internet who moved in with him and doesn't seem to give him any peace and quiet. Half the time he looks like he doesn't know what hit him when she's around...when I see him when she's not around he's a completely different person. I guess that's his problem, because I'm not going to take on this woman, she's pretty scary. I'm glad I'm not him. Ironically, the guy I dated who had the delusional flea problem said he met a woman through online dating a few years ago and they got married within 5 weeks. It seems some other woman he dated was a hoarder, as was his ex-wife who he's giving a couple grand to every month so she can pay her mortgage because she didn't have time to look for a job over the summer, guess because her sister drank herself into a coma, or whatever reason...then he also goes to some weird new age health coach (wonder why he's not healthier both physically and mentally because of this) that costs an arm and a leg and he got involved with them because a woman he dated works there. I think he's being had, he had a huge allergy report but maybe something from a hair sample. I told him he should see a board-certified allergist (and a board-certified psych :-| ) But hey, that would mean hearing the truth, and that's probably too scary and would interfere with the delusions. I get that.
> 
> So, that was my excitement and now...
> 
> good to see my present crazy-free boring but pleasant enough life isn't too different from anyone else's. Glad I don't have to deal with work trips or storms or liking someone I'm not attracted to. Also, my Netflix works just fine ;-)


Homemaker

I face the same issues .

I am 47 but look 37 and i am relatively fit and in shape . Guys my age are pretty often really looking aged and unfit . Not sure if younger guys may find my age an issue .

Not everyone may be as experienced in camping as you are . You sure sound like a pro .

But the flea guy sounds like a piece of work you dont want .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad, a therapist told me a long time ago not to bother with men until I was old enough to date men over 50. Apparently they do settle down quite a bit and become more 'domestic' and home-oriented. That's generally speaking, but she did say there was some science to it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I did connect with someone who's more local who has a lot of common interest and seems to have similar temperament. The thing is, I think, if you grow up around here and live around here for any length of time, there is a certain lifestyle and personality that's understood only locally. It doesn't translate well. I had a woman ask me once, where are you from? Meaning she couldn't believe that nice/genuine/goodhearted existed...I felt sorry for her, but assured here there are many, many more people like that (where I came from, lol). 

Anyhow, fingers crossed on the local guy. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of ladies here who 'grew up' and became old and well, let's face it, frumpy. They're still nice, but I have trouble saying the guys aren't keeping themselves up when the women do the same thing...

Some of the non-aging is definitely genetics, the rest is just self-care and attitude.


----------



## tripad

Maybe i have good genes .

My mum looks 15 years younger as well .


----------



## Mr The Other

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> tripad, a therapist told me a long time ago not to bother with men until I was old enough to date men over 50. Apparently they do settle down quite a bit and become more 'domestic' and home-oriented. That's generally speaking, but she did say there was some science to it.


When I was younger, I took what my teacher said very seriously. At some point in my adult life I realised I was better qualified than all of them and older than a few had been.


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

I am going to assume based on your stated geographical location you are Asian no? 

We never look our age until 50s - but it's like a metamorphosis when it happens!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I am going to assume based on your stated geographical location you are Asian no?
> 
> We never look our age until 50s - but it's like a metamorphosis when it happens!


U referring to me ?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Mr The Other said:


> When I was younger, I took what my teacher said very seriously. At some point in my adult life I realised I was better qualified than all of them and older than a few had been.


Well, that's just because you're getting older and live in a world that didn't exist when they were maturing. 

But in some things, I dunno. My grandmother has invariably been right across the years even though she died when I was 19. But most of the advice she gave me was about human nature. Mostly, she was suspicious about men wanting money. It's great that we can make decent money now with the new laws and social acceptance of women who work professionally, etc. also divorce doesn't necessarily leave us destitute (often better off because we can manage our finances independently) but it introduces new risks. I think one of the reasons Flea Bag and some other guy in the past flaked is because they 'learned' (right or wrong) that I didn't have any wealth to speak of. Even if a guy APPEARS to have wealth, be leery. Because he could be in dire straights, and using you as a way to 'manage' his situation. I think this is the case with Flea Bag. He thought maybe I had military retirement, and mentioned it once, and was surprised and had a noticeable (at least to me) physical reaction to the news that I didn't. So that tells me he must have been thinking about it a lot and factoring it into his decision making. I do have 100% free health care benefits for life (and am in great health and have an awesome job/self-employment with excellent pay and hardly any expenses and don't even have to commute) and my kids have wealth. But I think they don't like it when they realize that there isn't any $$$$$$ for them. And, why should there be. They should be satisfied if I make cookies or serve them a meal and let them in my home, and possibly my bed and give them my company and loyalty and friendship. My friends are satisfied with having my company and friendship, and not my money. So, a potential partner should be too. 

My grandmother had human nature down pat. Someone can start out all right in a relationship, but if you are too 'nice' and give too much, you can help to transform them into a beast of a different nature. Mankind (and womankind) has a neurology that ADAPTS to environment. The same way we believe our partner can make us crazy, we can also make them / train them to treat us in a way that makes us crazy. It's a dance. Learn to step away and make sure your partner doesn't lean on you too much. Nobody hates and resents another person so much as when their dignity, self-respect and sense of self-reliance and autonomy of choice has been taken away. And nobody really wants to believe that someone knows them inside and out. That's some kind of romantic BS.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> U referring to me ?


-.-

Who else


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> U referring to me ?
> 
> 
> 
> -.-
> 
> Who else
Click to expand...

Yes asian . Chinese from Singapore .

Not China .


----------



## RandomDude

Then I'm quite surprised you mentioned guys your age are already looking weathered, then again... I am already looking weathered at nearing 30, but I still have my babyface 

My mum is nearing her 60s, but still looks 30s, she does spend alot of time and money chasing after her youth however.


----------



## Mr The Other

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, that's just because you're getting older and live in a world that didn't exist when they were maturing.
> 
> But in some things, I dunno. My grandmother has invariably been right across the years even though she died when I was 19. But most of the advice she gave me was about human nature. Mostly, she was suspicious about men wanting money. It's great that we can make decent money now with the new laws and social acceptance of women who work professionally, etc. also divorce doesn't necessarily leave us destitute (often better off because we can manage our finances independently) but it introduces new risks. I think one of the reasons Flea Bag and some other guy in the past flaked is because they 'learned' (right or wrong) that I didn't have any wealth to speak of. Even if a guy APPEARS to have wealth, be leery. Because he could be in dire straights, and using you as a way to 'manage' his situation. I think this is the case with Flea Bag. He thought maybe I had military retirement, and mentioned it once, and was surprised and had a noticeable (at least to me) physical reaction to the news that I didn't. So that tells me he must have been thinking about it a lot and factoring it into his decision making. I do have 100% free health care benefits for life (and am in great health and have an awesome job/self-employment with excellent pay and hardly any expenses and don't even have to commute) and my kids have wealth. But I think they don't like it when they realize that there isn't any $$$$$$ for them. And, why should there be. They should be satisfied if I make cookies or serve them a meal and let them in my home, and possibly my bed and give them my company and loyalty and friendship. My friends are satisfied with having my company and friendship, and not my money. So, a potential partner should be too.
> 
> My grandmother had human nature down pat. Someone can start out all right in a relationship, but if you are too 'nice' and give too much, you can help to transform them into a beast of a different nature. Mankind (and womankind) has a neurology that ADAPTS to environment. The same way we believe our partner can make us crazy, we can also make them / train them to treat us in a way that makes us crazy. It's a dance. Learn to step away and make sure your partner doesn't lean on you too much. Nobody hates and resents another person so much as when their dignity, self-respect and sense of self-reliance and autonomy of choice has been taken away. And nobody really wants to believe that someone knows them inside and out. That's some kind of romantic BS.


Your Gandma does indeed sound like a wise lady. Your therapist as represented in your message seemed less so, dismissing the adults of one sex on a specific age boundary seems very dubious (from either sex). Admittedly not TR's, but in the last years, I had relationships with women thirty years apart and the ones at either end were some of the best times I had.


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think one of the reasons Flea Bag and some other guy in the past flaked is because they 'learned' (right or wrong) that I didn't have any wealth to speak of. Even if a guy APPEARS to have wealth, be leery. Because he could be in dire straights, and using you as a way to 'manage' his situation.
> 
> 
> I think this is the case with Flea Bag. He thought maybe I had military retirement, and mentioned it once, and was surprised and had a noticeable (at least to me) physical reaction to the news that I didn't.
> So that tells me he must have been thinking about it a lot and factoring it into his decision making.
> 
> 
> 
> But I think they don't like it when they realize that there isn't any $$$$$$ for them.
> 
> 
> Someone can start out all right in a relationship, but if you are too 'nice' and give too much, you can help to transform them into a beast of a different nature.
> 
> 
> Learn to step away and make sure your partner doesn't lean on you too much. Nobody hates and resents another person so much as when their dignity, self-respect and sense of self-reliance and autonomy of choice has been taken away.


Omg

Man considering a woman's money .

Omg . Cut off their damn pen-is .


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> This is why it makes me a little sad that J-Dawg isn't interested in a relationship. All these things are possible with him, and the sex is already pretty mind-blowing. I'm going to have to put up a little fortress around my heart, lest I start to fall for him... if that happens, I will need to break things off.
> 
> I know that I will have to break things off, eventually. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
> 
> 
> 
> Careful with this. I'm at the "oh **** I have feelings and going to possibly have to end it when I knew a relationship wasn't in the cards to begin with" stage.
> 
> Even going into it knowing doesn't make it hurt any less. The feels can suck it.
Click to expand...




FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I know it will hurt if it gets to that point. But I've been hurt before, much worse.
> 
> And who knows what will happen? For all I know, he could be the one to get attached first. For all I know, not wanting a relationship right now could be all about logistics (he works nights, and moonlights as a bouncer on the weekends, when he doesn't have his kids), and not emotional whatever. For all I know, I might meet someone else.
> 
> And I'm not going to deprive myself of the good feelings now out of fear for the pain that may come later. I've spent too much time feeling numb in this life already.


So... I had a nice time with J-Dawg on Saturday night. He clearly didn't want me to leave, but I knew he needed sleep, so I gracefully made my exit. He just worked two 80+ hour weeks, so I'm a little surprised that he managed to find some time in there to spend with me.

It's been 3 times in one month, which is some sort of record. I finally told my friend K (you know, my psychic friend?) about him. (For those of you who are new to the Singles thread, I have this friend, and she's psychic. Like, fo' real, shizzle.) I told her about him, and showed her some pictures of him. And her response was, "He tries to look tough so people won't realize how sensitive he can be. He's protecting himself. He needs to feel like he's in control. He'll fall for you, but you'll need to be patient with him."

So, we'll see what happens. Just enjoying it for now


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> "He tries to look tough so people won't realize how sensitive he can be. He's protecting himself. He needs to feel like he's in control. He'll fall for you, but you'll need to be patient with him."


:rofl:

Your "psychic" friend has wise words, words that can apply to too many men however, hence I remain skeptical of her psionic powers!


----------



## tripad

Fip

Jdawg
The guy from TAM thread ?


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Fip
> 
> Jdawg
> The guy from TAM thread ?


Not a TAM user, if there's a TAM user with that handle. On the Singles Thread, we give the people we date funny names, since we sometimes repeatedly mention the same person. I've referred to him in earlier posts on this thread as J-Dawg.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Your "psychic" friend has wise words, words that can apply to too many men however, hence I remain skeptical of her psionic powers!


Fair enough. But her predictions before have been uncannily accurate, and in some cases, she's been much more specific than this. Way too accurate for me to dismiss what she says.


----------



## RandomDude

I Was One of America's Top Psychics?And Like All of Them, a Complete Fraud | Alternet

They are professionals FIP, just like magicians. I'm normally quite relativist towards all this stuff, and I consider them counsellors somewhat - hence play positive roles in society. Just... don't put your money on it, that's all I'm saying.


----------



## tripad

Online dating

I get some weirdos .

If i could send you the photos you guys and gals will roll on floor and laugh.

N please look at my profile n they just whack me without checking my profile 

I want to puke 

Sigh


----------



## tripad

One weirdo started to say i look like a mermaid ? ?

Then he mail me to ask for more pic in a lewd manner .

Meantime he send me 2 pic of himself in the toilet ?

I seem to think he just whank himself over my pic . I feel so violated now .


----------



## tripad

Who is interested to see the pic of me and then of the weirdo to have a laugh ?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I Was One of America's Top Psychics?And Like All of Them, a Complete Fraud | Alternet
> 
> They are professionals FIP, just like magicians. I'm normally quite relativist towards all this stuff, and I consider them counsellors somewhat - hence valuable assets to communities. Just... don't put your money on it, that's all I'm saying.


She's not a professional psychic, RD. I don't go to her for "readings". She's not someone from the Psychic Friends Hotline. She's my actual, IRL FRIEND. We hang out all the time and do regular friend stuff together. She doesn't do readings, not intentionally. And NEVER for money, nor in barter. She finds that completely distasteful. Sometimes it just happens; it's spontaneous, and pretty rare. 

She's never intentionally given me a reading, and I've never asked her to. But sometimes it just happens, or she'll intuit that something specific has happened with me, and will ask me about it without me having given her any clue or indication beforehand.

Trust me, I have a healthy dose of skepticism about pay psychics, and until I met her, I didn't think psychics even existed for real. I've had my palms read several times, just for sh!t and giggles, and they were always wrong. I never put any stock into it. And even when I first met K, a mutual friend told me she was psychic, and I laughed it off. We were friends for almost a year before she did a "reading" with me, and it wasn't really a reading, it was more like spontaneous prediction about this guy that I was chatting with online. It was very specific, and everything she said happened exactly as she said.


----------



## RandomDude

Just saying be careful FIP... you'll be surprised what people are capable of, and many times it's not always what you expect. I do not believe your friend, or "psychics" in general are malicious by the way, and it's entirely possible one can truly believe they have psychic abilities. Several times in my life my predictions came true, many times I could discern a situation with very little obvious facts, but with many little details that come together to form a subconscious consensis enough to conclude, details that the majority would miss. It's not psionics, but that's just my perspective.

@tripad

Always in the mood for a good laugh!

BTW, is FIP the only one who clicked on that Star Wars link I provided earlier? I can't stop watching it - especially at 3:00, cracks me up everytime lol


----------



## tripad

I agree RD 

Be careful fip

The danger is always where n who we least expect it . 

I always tell my sons that .

Bad guy dont have a bad guy label on forehead .

PM you later RD

U can roll on floor n laugh . I look at the pic n go wtf , this people kidding me , or they think i m retard


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad, isn't there a function on the dating site where you can pay a little extra to have your profile private, and then visible only to men you choose to share it with?

I keep my profile hidden most of the time but will make it visible in the early evenings, weekend mornings and other times that jive with my personal schedule, but not during times when I figure the sort of person I'd like to meet would be near a computer. For instance, it's hidden during the weekends when it's good weather out. I figure the guy I'd like to meet will be far away from a computer at that time - outdoors. So there's some opportunity to be found through a search...but it's selective. You have to think about how you want to be found...1 or 2 a.m., during a traditional workday, while someone is sitting on their butt in front of the t.v. all horny on a good weekend day...etc. All somewhat avoidable. 

I can make my profile available to men I choose, by liking a photo of theirs, but can easily block their profile if I choose at any time. 
Very handy features. 

Some of the men online are indeed ridiculous. They're just messing with you because you can, and your imagination of what he's doing with your photo is not far-fetched. Have you thought about using a match-making service? I'd imagine dating in Singapore for a single divorced woman with kids is going to be tough. I met a guy through eHarmony who was working there, he was from Quebec, and he said the dating is very, very difficult. He finally met someone at a weekend office get-together that he didn't want to go to...I think it was a contrived effort on the part of his workmates to introduce him to someone...lol. Nice guy, just very shy and inwardly frustrated. I can't imagine, a Frenchie in Singapore, trying to find a date. Ouch. Maybe you should take a singles vacation or cruise somewhere and try to lure someone in that way. I don't think you would have any trouble filling a list of possibilities to work on. 

Or join a group of expats for business networking...even though you're not an expat. ;-)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I gave up. Cancelled the online dating. I agree with tripad. Too weird and ridiculous.

I realized I would be driving 45 minutes one way to have a cup of coffee with a guy who thinks that the reason he can only run a mile these days and not more is because he was getting his master's degree. (No kids!) And doesn't understand the difference between a named river near his home and a town with a different name 1 hour away or more. This on my night away from my kids. 

I'll probably end up going to a dance class, on my own. I would rather doing the hustle than being hustled. And the salsa is a dance you can do on your own, in a club and look good, and meet someone who can already dance and doesn't need to be asked to take a lesson. Same goes for the movies. Easier to meet someone who is ALREADY THERE, not behind a computer making excuses for being at home and looking like a potato.


----------



## RandomDude

Hehe  Salsa clubs... lots of pretty ladies, lots of old men and folks who can't dance 

It was one of my spots to meet and seduce lady friends


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> tripad, isn't there a function on the dating site where you can pay a little extra to have your profile private, and then visible only to men you choose to share it with?
> 
> dont know . no time to figure it out yet
> 
> I keep my profile hidden most of the time but will make it visible in the early evenings, weekend mornings and other times that jive with my personal schedule, but not during times when I figure the sort of person I'd like to meet would be near a computer. For instance, it's hidden during the weekends when it's good weather out. I figure the guy I'd like to meet will be far away from a computer at that time - outdoors. So there's some opportunity to be found through a search...but it's selective. You have to think about how you want to be found...1 or 2 a.m., during a traditional workday, while someone is sitting on their butt in front of the t.v. all horny on a good weekend day...etc. All somewhat avoidable.
> 
> doubt i have time to manage that . work and kids . singapore education system is crazily high standard so i spent much time coaching kids with school work
> 
> I can make my profile available to men I choose, by liking a photo of theirs, but can easily block their profile if I choose at any time.
> Very handy features.
> 
> Some of the men online are indeed ridiculous. They're just messing with you because you can, and your imagination of what he's doing with your photo is not far-fetched. Have you thought about using a match-making service?
> 
> i just called one such reputed agency with professional clients so you cut off the crappy candidates . however , it cost S$ 2500 with 5 dates guarantee but results all depend on chemistry . before that , they want an interview to see if we are of decent quality . :surprise: well with that price , definitely we get the professionals , of course . they boast of doctors and lawyers and I jokingly told the girl I spoke to , cmon , i heard the worse cheating and divorce stories involving doctors and lawyers I am not sure I want one . I said i am confident I look good as I exercise and looked good and they were really keen to interview me . Let's see , i will go and then reject paying them and see if they give me a discount or maybe free . just like during the party days , the bouncers let the girls in free so the men will pay to get in :grin2:
> 
> I'd imagine dating in Singapore for a single divorced woman with kids is going to be tough. I met a guy through eHarmony who was working there, he was from Quebec, and he said the dating is very, very difficult. He finally met someone at a weekend office get-together that he didn't want to go to...I think it was a contrived effort on the part of his workmates to introduce him to someone...lol. Nice guy, just very shy and inwardly frustrated. I can't imagine, a Frenchie in Singapore, trying to find a date.
> 
> He should do well dating here . somehow the white guys are rare commodity here but i guess he is shy
> 
> Ouch. Maybe you should take a singles vacation or cruise somewhere and try to lure someone in that way. I don't think you would have any trouble filling a list of possibilities to work on.
> 
> Or join a group of expats for business networking...even though you're not an expat. ;-)
> 
> thinking hard . maybe muay thai . many expats there , probably mostly divorced . if it doesnt work out with finding a man , at least i get my work out and get a solid body and butt :grin2:


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I gave up. Cancelled the online dating. I agree with tripad. Too weird and ridiculous.
> 
> I realized I would be driving 45 minutes one way to have a cup of coffee with a guy who thinks that the reason he can only run a mile these days and not more is because he was getting his master's degree. (No kids!) And doesn't understand the difference between a named river near his home and a town with a different name 1 hour away or more. This on my night away from my kids.
> 
> I'll probably end up going to a dance class, on my own. I would rather doing the hustle than being hustled. And the salsa is a dance you can do on your own, in a club and look good, and meet someone who can already dance and doesn't need to be asked to take a lesson. Same goes for the movies. Easier to meet someone who is ALREADY THERE, not behind a computer making excuses for being at home and looking like a potato.


homemaker

if it is me , if the man cant come nearer in distance to meet , cant compromise , you should strike him off , that is ungentlemanly . and he probably will selfishly stand you up and frustrate you .


----------



## tripad

send you all the regulars here the pic in a while on PM so you all can have a good laugh . do that after i settle my boys in .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

tripad said:


> send you all the regulars here the pic in a while on PM so you all can have a good laugh . do that after i settle my boys in .


this the one you were talking about earlier?


----------



## tripad

TheGoodGuy said:


> this the one you were talking about earlier?


i dont understand.

i mean i will send the regular guys n gals here that i have been talking with so they can have a good laugh .

but no . they are not the weird and perverted man I am talking about were from the dating sites .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> homemaker
> 
> if it is me , if the man cant come nearer in distance to meet , cant compromise , you should strike him off , that is ungentlemanly . and he probably will selfishly stand you up and frustrate you .


It's a half way point. I live in a very rural place. Still, can't see making that drive for a cup of coffee. I suggested at that time of night I might want to get myself something to eat (i.e. paying it myself) and yet he suggested to meet at Dunkin Donuts. While alluding to all the cute/nice shops close by in the upscale village where we would be meeting. The fact of the matter is there are many people who move to this area from away, and treat the locals like cretins and think they must be so much better because they're from the city. Bleh, been to the city. Big deal. If you can't name the river that runs through it, you have no business living in the country. No wonder he can't run a mile, thinking DD is a place to grab a bite to eat. It's a place for the ski tourists to stop, and that's about it. I'm not going to demean myself by driving that far to meet some bozo for coffee at the expense of missing a real meal and doing something fun and meaningful on my night out.


----------



## RandomDude

Just go salsa, a handsome gentleman might show up  and with STYLE 

I've been laying low aside from work and daddyhood these days - to the point my mates are considering interventions to get me back in the game.

Meh, can't touch this! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2DTi5GwQb8


----------



## tripad

home maker , fip , rd

friend me now and check out my album.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> home maker , fip , rd
> 
> friend me now and check out my album.


The title of the album cracks me up.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I expected a man trying to take a dump and a selfie at the same time! Bah! lol

And ack! I sure as hell hope I don't look like him when I'm older =/ 
Must... preserve... prettiness...!

And wow! You weren't kidding when you said you look young!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

tripad said:


> i dont understand.
> 
> i mean i will send the regular guys n gals here that i have been talking with so they can have a good laugh .
> 
> but no . they are not the weird and perverted man I am talking about were from the dating sites .


I see. I sent a friend request to ya.


----------



## depressedandexhausted

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> My grandmother had human nature down pat. Someone can start out all right in a relationship, but if you are too 'nice' and give too much, you can help to transform them into a beast of a different nature. Mankind (and womankind) has a neurology that ADAPTS to environment. The same way we believe our partner can make us crazy, we can also make them / train them to treat us in a way that makes us crazy. It's a dance. Learn to step away and make sure your partner doesn't lean on you too much. Nobody hates and resents another person so much as when their dignity, self-respect and sense of self-reliance and autonomy of choice has been taken away. And nobody really wants to believe that someone knows them inside and out. That's some kind of romantic BS.



This, OMG soo this.....Im going to say it again, THIS.
Dont let others become dependents.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

depressedandexhausted said:


> This, OMG soo this.....Im going to say it again, THIS.
> Dont let others become dependents.


My eldest is adored by his future in-laws.
He's so independent and mature they say.
They have no clue I kicked him out over peeing in bottles, and complaining that although the chicken I gave him was free range, it wasn't organic. He lived in his step dad's car for three days, in the middle of winter. No worries here about me making ANYONE dependent. Not even my own firstborn. You preaching to the choir here.

I'm raising mature adults in my house. Not moochers with magical thinking about where food, shelter and clothing come from. Not my butt, that's for sure, and not out of thin air either.


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> depressedandexhausted said:
> 
> 
> 
> This, OMG soo this.....Im going to say it again, THIS.
> Dont let others become dependents.
> 
> 
> 
> My eldest is adored by his future in-laws.
> He's so independent and mature they say.
> They have no clue I kicked him out over peeing in bottles, and complaining that although the chicken I gave him was free range, it wasn't organic. He lived in his step dad's car for three days, in the middle of winter. No worries here about me making ANYONE dependent. Not even my own firstborn. You preaching to the choir here.
> 
> I'm raising mature adults in my house. Not moochers with magical thinking about where food, shelter and clothing come from. Not my butt, that's for sure, and not out of thin air either.
Click to expand...

Homemaker

Good to read this . At least i know i am on right track . I am really tough n strict on my boys so i worry if they will grow up and hate me


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I lead by example. I'm not really tough, but I have my limits. I was asking him for quite a while to stick to a schedule, help out with the younger kids if he had no paid work that day, do dishes, eat meals with us and to shovel and not suck up the dsl bandwidth by downloading movies and music while I was working. I gave him about 3 weeks of warnings. Then he made the mistake about the chicken. That was it, I didn't yell or anything, not ever. I just said he could leave, he asked me was I kidding, I said no. You have friends, go impose on them. They live closer to where jobs are. Ask your work to transfer you to that city where your friends live. He was going back to school at the end of the winter break, so no huge big deal. 

After he recovered and found his pride by not needing mom (and knowing I had enough confidence in him to tell him to leave and not get all bent up over it - kid was a wilderness trip leader in Northern Quebec, spoke 3 languages and when he was 16 I'd lock him out of the apartment in the summer until he got a job. He got a job. A few times he missed his ride to school, which was some miles away. I told him to call a cab or ride his bike, not my problem. 

So now he has a job and a fiance and rides his bike to work. He's rarely late and according to his fiance he is way more of a homemaker than she is, super clean and organized and all that, and they have a dog he takes care of and dotes on and a cat as well. He's just turned 25, also finished college, after the first year he paid the rest of it himself. 

I was never one to give my kids a chore chart or even supervise their homework or anything like that. Just talk to them and lead by example and try to help them be the best people they could be. Sometimes you just have to let them make mistakes, but let them make the mistakes when it doesn't matter so much, show sympathy but don't solve the problem. They learn soon enough to prevent the bad things from happening to them, and to be more resilient as people have boundaries and don't like to be taken advantage of to solve unnecessary problems or pay for things that won't benefit them...

Now he likes to text me and go backpacking with me. If I have a question about current events or some cultural reference I don't get because I'm not in touch with popular media, I can text him for info...

Anyhow, any guy who tries to freeload on me or even wants me to make dinner or breakfast every day or do his laundry is not going to last long. I've already done that for 25 years, for one kid or another or more than one. Not going to do it for a full-grown capable adult unless there is reciprocity in kind. And be on time. I'll wait for my kids after their sports to give them a ride home, or whatever, within reason, but to wait for a guy for a date when he already decided on the time he could show up...argh.


----------



## RandomDude

> I just said he could leave, he asked me was I kidding, I said no


:|

You WHAT? How old was ur son?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

He was 19 RD, and home from uni on winter break. 
Not like it was child abuse. 
Now he thinks it's funny, and thanks me for doing that. He had no pride left in himself. He needed a kick in the butt, and for me to cut the apron strings definitively. Parenting is about doing for your children what needs to be done. I knew for sure at that time he had all the skills and resources necessary to 'launch' but he was just being lazy because he could. It was my final act as a parent. After that I treated him like an adult, and he stopped treating me as though my help was a given. I was no longer plan A, I was the harbor of last resort. When I did it, he knew he deserved it and wasn't too surprised and certainly wasn't very unprepared. A friend's family took him in, it's not a big deal. Our village is very small, nobody called me up and said what the h*ll, we took in your kid who was living in a car...they were like, hahahaha, (kid's last name) got booted out into the snow cause he kept peeing in bottles. The other parents play along with the situation and don't interfere, they know me and know if I did this it's a right of passage he deserved. Mind you, this is a kid who was traveling back and forth to Asia beginning when he was 10, without me...plus summer in Northern Quebec...etc. I think a few cold days in a car is not going to do any major damage in the pleasant and safe countryside. 

There is no way he's going to F up his marriage now, he knows how cold it is to live in a car and what it feels like to alienate people to the point where you have no functional home where you are welcome. 

Mind you, he could have called his dad for help...but that would have been going from the pot into the fire. 
His dad would help, but would have all kinds of rules and expectations...lots of money, but no freedom of choice.
Beyond everything else, my kids are their own people. They know how to get what they want out of life, on their own steam.
They also know the meaning of family. We are all close. We know we can count on each other, but we never take advantage of each other. Plus, we are on hugging basis. I know some families never hug or tell each other how much they miss each other or love each other. We're not like that. 

Sometimes you just gotta do what you know is right for that kid. My younger son, I can never kick him out. He would be devastated and not know what to do. In fact, I think I might need to help him a bit when he does move out. My daughter I think is the one who will need to be encouraged to stay...she has way too much confidence in the world at large.

I was basically a street kid. Was on my own from 16 more or less. My kids aren't raised to be stupid, but they are spoiled a little bit with home cooked meals and it's very rare I raise my voice or get angry. We have two sit down meals together at least, every day, we hang together when we can, we actually like each other.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

So, in other news, I have a bicycling date. It's foliage season here. I think it will be nice.


----------



## RandomDude

Fair enough

Heh "young passenger travelling alone", had that as a kid, treated like a VIP sometimes, first time I flown first class too - moved there once by a very nice air hostess! Though hell... at one point, can't remember the age, around 7 or 8 or something, was before parental divorce at 9, the stupid airport crew led me to some random spot, told me to wait for someone to take me to the gate. So I waited, and waited, boarding time, still no one. I checked the screens just in case, and walla - last call for boarding and still no one... so I ran to the gate like that kid from Home Alone 2 lol - caused some drama, apparently I wasn't meant to be alone but whatever.

Remember I was quite proud of myself that time 

But its also why NO WAY I trust airlines to do their fking job if I send my daughter alone overseas. Not going to let their fking incompetence put my daughter in danger.


----------



## tripad

I dont trust anyone at all when it comes to my children


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Fair enough
> 
> But its also why NO WAY I trust airlines to do their fking job if I send my daughter alone overseas. Not going to let their fking incompetence put my daughter in danger.


The first time some employee who didn't speak English got his paperwork mixed up with a kid who was going somewhere else. He called me on his cell phone wondering what to do, in a panic. I said, sit the f*ck down and don't budge, no matter what she does. They will get security, security will speak English. They will check your paperwork to see who you are...and realize, it's not you. lol.

After that he flew on his own, or met up with his elder half-siblings, no problem.

And educated because of my former job/position on various ways to avoid kidnapping and assault, etc. Various ways he could be drugged, incapacitated, taken advantage of, scammed, etc. My kids are not stupid, goes far beyond the Home Alone antics. But I have a feeling you were street smart from the beginning, RD...wealth doesn't always mean kids are pampered and looked after 24x7...in fact, sometimes quite the opposite, lol.


----------



## tripad

xocharm
the good guy

just friend you 
go look in album and have a laugh

let me know when you are done 
got to take it down


----------



## RandomDude

OMFG WOW

Just saw an absolute beauty tonight while out with my daughter, freckles really added to her features too, and no visible makeup. Rare sight... just wow! If I wasn't with my little girl I definitely would have struck up a line to chat...

Hell don't think words can suffice to describe... damn... hell how long has it been since I got laid? half a year now... my brain is beginning to lust after females again...
Im not turning gay! Hoorah!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> OMFG WOW
> 
> Just saw an absolute beauty tonight while out with my daughter, freckles really added to her features too, and no visible makeup. Rare sight... just wow! If I wasn't with my little girl I definitely would have struck up a line to chat...
> 
> Hell don't think words can suffice to describe... damn... hell how long has it been since I got laid? half a year now... my brain is beginning to lust after females again...
> *Im not turning gay! Hoorah!*


Haha!!  Try Craigslist Missed Connections. Ya never know!


----------



## samyeagar

RandomDude said:


> OMFG WOW
> 
> *Just saw an absolute beauty tonight while out with my daughter, freckles really added to her features too, and no visible makeup. Rare sight... just wow!* If I wasn't with my little girl I definitely would have struck up a line to chat...
> 
> Hell don't think words can suffice to describe... damn... hell how long has it been since I got laid? half a year now... my brain is beginning to lust after females again...
> Im not turning gay! Hoorah!


I saw one of those once...and I married her


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> OMFG WOW
> 
> Just saw an absolute beauty tonight while out with my daughter, freckles really added to her features too, and no visible makeup. Rare sight... just wow! If I wasn't with my little girl I definitely would have struck up a line to chat...
> 
> Hell don't think words can suffice to describe... damn... hell how long has it been since I got laid? half a year now... my brain is beginning to lust after females again...
> Im not turning gay! Hoorah!


Wait, that was you with the adorable little girl I saw last night?


----------



## RandomDude

Lol 

Dreamt of her last night too 

Will never see her again, and the memory will fade... *sigh* ... 

But what? Craiglists missed connections?! WTF? I didn't even know there was such a thing lol
What are the chances she would end up in that section and find me? Haha


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Lol
> 
> Dreamt of her last night too
> 
> Will never see her again, and the memory will fade... *sigh* ...
> 
> But what? Craiglists missed connections?! WTF? I didn't even know there was such a thing lol
> What are the chances she would end up in that section and find me? Haha


It totally IS a thing! And you never know, if she caught sight of you, and there a ping for her, she might go there to look for you! Or you might see a post there from her looking for you! 

It's worth a shot, you should try it. Missed Connections under the Personals section.


----------



## tripad

hi friends,

got a few hits from online dating , decent ones , so far .

in fact , one guy who is pretty eye-catching text .

thing is i am new to online dating and especially to foreign man , non asian man .

I wonder if there is a different style and approach that is different from asian man .

This cool dude text really short 1-2 word thing like hi , nice . and when I asked if he is here for relationship or fwb or hookups and if he is married , separated or divorced to cut to the chase for efficiency sake . he just asked whats is my number ? 

why cant he answer the question ?

another kept texting me dear how are you ? and when I ask if he is divorced or separated or whatever . no answer . just dear can I call you ? dear how are you ?

sounds evasive .

a third is better , straight up and text flows like two decent concerned single parent . no physical attraction even from photos . he is a little less fit and chubby . But gentlemanly so far and not to mention of decent career position. just no physical attraction .


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> hi friends,
> 
> got a few hits from online dating , decent ones , so far .
> 
> in fact , one guy who is pretty eye-catching text .
> 
> thing is i am new to online dating and especially to foreign man , non asian man .
> 
> I wonder if there is a different style and approach that is different from asian man .
> 
> This cool dude text really short 1-2 word thing like hi , nice . and when I asked if he is here for relationship or fwb or hookups and if he is married , separated or divorced to cut to the chase for efficiency sake . he just asked whats is my number ?
> 
> why cant he answer the question ?
> 
> another kept texting me dear how are you ? and when I ask if he is divorced or separated or whatever . no answer . just dear can I call you ? dear how are you ?
> 
> sounds evasive .
> 
> a third is better , straight up and text flows like two decent concerned single parent . no physical attraction even from photos . he is a little less fit and chubby . But gentlemanly so far and not to mention of decent career position. just no physical attraction .


I feel like you develop a good sense after a little while of what type of person you are getting messages from. I tend to hold off on sharing my number when they jump to asking for it, too. Unless I feel a good connection right away, but usually I want to exchange a couple of messages first. 

I also feel like it's a bit evasive to not answer questions, especially those!


----------



## TooNice

I went to my friend's wedding last night - without a date. I had a great time. I have one friend who was mortified that I would do that - especially since she feels I had many options to ask. She's probably right about me having options, but as I explained to her, I would rather have gone solo than to have forced a date. It would have been nice to have someone there with me, but I had fun, anyway. It was nice to see old classmates and to drive through my old hometown. I don't think I have been there in 15 years!

The best part of the day was seeing my good friend so happy with his new bride. They give me hope that love can be found again after what some of us have been through!


----------



## tripad

too nice

are the evasive ones a problem child of any sort ?

like maybe they are here preying on single mums , hoping for an affair , or a romp ?

why cant they answer if they are separated or divorced or whatever , otherwise ?

moreover I find it rude .


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> It totally IS a thing! And you never know, if she caught sight of you, and there a ping for her, she might go there to look for you! Or you might see a post there from her looking for you!
> 
> It's worth a shot, you should try it. Missed Connections under the Personals section.


What are the chances? lol

Furthermore, what are the chances she's even single? A natural beauty like that... heh



tripad said:


> hi friends,
> got a few hits from online dating , decent ones , so far .
> in fact , one guy who is pretty eye-catching text .
> 
> thing is i am new to online dating and especially to foreign man , non asian man .
> 
> I wonder if there is a different style and approach that is different from asian man .
> 
> This cool dude text really short 1-2 word thing like hi , nice . and when I asked if he is here for relationship or fwb or hookups and if he is married , separated or divorced to cut to the chase for efficiency sake . he just asked whats is my number ?
> 
> why cant he answer the question ?
> 
> another kept texting me dear how are you ? and when I ask if he is divorced or separated or whatever . no answer . just dear can I call you ? dear how are you ?
> 
> sounds evasive .
> 
> a third is better , straight up and text flows like two decent concerned single parent . no physical attraction even from photos . he is a little less fit and chubby . But gentlemanly so far and not to mention of decent career position. just no physical attraction .


Ey? People are people 

Quite frankly though, online dating is like exposing yourself to the worst of singles from my experience.


----------



## tripad

Really ? ! 

Sigh .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> too nice
> 
> are the evasive ones a problem child of any sort ?
> 
> like maybe they are here preying on single mums , hoping for an affair , or a romp ?
> 
> why cant they answer if they are separated or divorced or whatever , otherwise ?
> 
> moreover I find it rude .


The ones that don't put in much of an effort are just fishing to see if they'll get get a response. They haven't bothered to read your profile or come up with a meaningful exchange, so they're not serious. If you engage with them, they're likely to disappear just as quickly. And if they're not willing to make any effort, they're most likely looking for an easy lay, easy prey.

The third one, even if you don't find his pictures hot, might turn out to be any good match. He might not photograph well. You might have great chemistry, you never know


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> What are the chances? lol
> 
> Furthermore, what are the chances she's even single? A natural beauty like that... heh


Anything is possible, RD.

And just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean she's attached. 

I'm gorgeous, funny, smart, talented, and I'm stupid single.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> The ones that don't put in much of an effort are just fishing to see if they'll get get a response. They haven't bothered to read your profile or come up with a meaningful exchange, so they're not serious. If you engage with them, they're likely to disappear just as quickly. And if they're not willing to make any effort, they're most likely looking for an easy lay, easy prey.
> 
> The third one, even if you don't find his pictures hot, might turn out to be any good match. He might not photograph well. You might have great chemistry, you never know


even with great chemistry , we will be friends . cant imagine having sex with him .


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Anything is possible, RD.
> 
> And just because she's gorgeous doesn't mean she's attached.
> 
> I'm gorgeous, funny, smart, talented, and I'm stupid single.


Sure but _most_ gorgeous ladies are attached, just how it is.

And I'm not exactly a top catch anymore either as a divorced father. So meh...


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Sure but _most_ gorgeous ladies are attached, just how it is.
> 
> And I'm not exactly a top catch anymore either as a divorced father. So meh...


Oh, STOP with the pity party, RD. You can be divorced with a kid and still be a top catch. Some women will see that as a plus.


----------



## Lone Shadow

FeministInPink said:


> The third one, even if you don't find his pictures hot, might turn out to be any good match. He might not photograph well. You might have great chemistry, you never know


I photograph horribly. So bad, in fact, that I actively avoid the camera. 

RD-
I'm a divorced (in process) father of 2. I have sole custody and next to zero time for dating. I am a top catch.


----------



## tripad

Hey

The evasive n good looking one is looking for sex .

I ask straight up . 

Now save myself the hassle of spending time to eat drink with a guy who's interested in free sex . Cmon go to the social esort .


----------



## SARAHMCD

TooNice said:


> I went to my friend's wedding last night - without a date. I had a great time. I have one friend who was mortified that I would do that - especially since she feels I had many options to ask. She's probably right about me having options, but as I explained to her, I would rather have gone solo than to have forced a date. It would have been nice to have someone there with me, but I had fun, anyway. It was nice to see old classmates and to drive through my old hometown. I don't think I have been there in 15 years!
> 
> The best part of the day was seeing my good friend so happy with his new bride. They give me hope that love can be found again after what some of us have been through!


Good for you. I can't believe you have a friend who was mortified you'd go to a wedding by yourself. If I wasn't seeing someone seriously, I wouldn't think twice about it.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> Good for you. I can't believe you have a friend who was mortified you'd go to a wedding by yourself. If I wasn't seeing someone seriously, I wouldn't think twice about it.


I agree. I went to weddings by myself, even when I was married. My XH refused to take off work to go to a wedding of someone he didn't know. I was the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding, and he wouldn't go. So I went and had a great time without him.


----------



## TooNice

SARAHMCD said:


> Good for you. I can't believe you have a friend who was mortified you'd go to a wedding by yourself. If I wasn't seeing someone seriously, I wouldn't think twice about it.


Her perspective on relationships is far different from mine. I'm trying to show her that while she dates because she doesn't want to be alone, I date because I want to find the man who enhances the woman I have discovered I am - from being alone. There is a big difference. 

It was the kind of wedding I could have easily taken a casual date to, but I didn't want to, and I'm so glad I didn't!


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> The evasive n good looking one is looking for sex .
> 
> I ask straight up .
> 
> Now save myself the hassle of spending time to eat drink with a guy who's interested in free sex . Cmon go to the social esort .


It helps to be frank and have the "what are you looking for?" chat early on. Helps you filter through the hookups. They don't need an escort...there are plenty of people on dating sites for that reason. Doesn't bother me, as long as they're up front about it.


----------



## tripad

Seriously

This is my first on date sites n i am apalled how casual sex is . Dont they worry.about STD or AIDS ?


----------



## tripad

I am not judging anyone here . Just that i would like to live long to see my grand children . And i wouldnt like to have STD .


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, STOP with the pity party, RD. You can be divorced with a kid and still be a top catch. Some women will see that as a plus.


Ey? Pity party? I'm happy 

I'm also a realist!!! Some see it as a plus sure, but most don't! 'Tis called baggage for a reason

Still I wouldn't have it any other way, I'd rather end up single for the rest of my life with my daughter, than end up happily married without my daughter.

@tripad
And 'tis another reason why I prefer FWBs than ONSs, a committed relationship is best sure, but not always an option for folks


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> hi friends,
> 
> got a few hits from online dating , decent ones , so far .
> 
> in fact , one guy who is pretty eye-catching text .
> 
> thing is i am new to online dating and especially to foreign man , non asian man .
> 
> I wonder if there is a different style and approach that is different from asian man .
> 
> This cool dude text really short 1-2 word thing like hi , nice . and when I asked if he is here for relationship or fwb or hookups and if he is married , separated or divorced to cut to the chase for efficiency sake . he just asked whats is my number ?
> 
> why cant he answer the question ?
> 
> another kept texting me dear how are you ? and when I ask if he is divorced or separated or whatever . no answer . just dear can I call you ? dear how are you ?
> 
> sounds evasive .
> 
> a third is better , straight up and text flows like two decent concerned single parent . no physical attraction even from photos . he is a little less fit and chubby . But gentlemanly so far and not to mention of decent career position. just no physical attraction .


Anyone who calls you "Dear" in their first message to you, just block.
Anyone who asks for your phone number in the first two messages, also block. 

#3 you should go out on a date. It's important that you expose yourself to nice guys. Even if you don't hit it off attraction-wise in person, being with nice people for a few hours is never a wrong thing to do. If you don't get out, and meet people who are positive and want the same things that you do, you will go nuts.

And the types like "Dear" and "want your number" will get you down over time.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Ahhhh, two nights backpacking in Vermont with all three of my kids. 

We made reservations in the same forest for next year, only a cabin instead of a lean-to since my eldest's wife (marriage next June) will be with us and there's no way she'll camp in the wilderness, even in a preserve.

I'm happily exhausted. We took a road trip coming back, the foliage is beautiful.

I slept outside in my winter bag in the lean-to; my kids had the tents.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Anyone who calls you "Dear" in their first message to you, just block.
> Anyone who asks for your phone number in the first two messages, also block.
> 
> #3 you should go out on a date. It's important that you expose yourself to nice guys. Even if you don't hit it off attraction-wise in person, being with nice people for a few hours is never a wrong thing to do. If you don't get out, and meet people who are positive and want the same things that you do, you will go nuts.
> 
> And the types like "Dear" and "want your number" will get you down over time.


I agree. Good advice.

Practice is good.


----------



## tripad

Hope #3 is genuinely nice . N not fake . But nothing to practise there since i am not in the least attracted . Just hope i dont mislead him . Dont want to hurt his feelings .


----------



## tripad

Ha the one that i am physically attracted to is my neighbour who asked me out n gave me his listening ear during my divorce .

But i didn't accept as i wasnt ready . When i am now , for whatever reason , he didnt ask . So ? . Hope he is busy with new business ( that i know ) and not new woman .


----------



## tripad

Another thing

Ladies and gentleman .

I realise one thing , i don't feel great about these guys " chasing " me . In fact , i feel a little " fearful " . Like what if they are evil, bad ass , with STD , cheaters . I realize the divorce does do a little damage to me .


----------



## RandomDude

Just follow your instincts and go with the flow, not much else you can do.

You will meet people that earns your trust, as well as those that expects it without earning it. Keep the former in mind, keep the latter at a distance.


----------



## SARAHMCD

tripad said:


> Another thing
> 
> Ladies and gentleman .
> 
> I realise one thing , i don't feel great about these guys " chasing " me . In fact , i feel a little " fearful " . Like what if they are evil, bad ass , with STD , cheaters . I realize the divorce does do a little damage to me .


Take it at your own pace. If there are yellow flags, ask questions. If their answers, or lack thereof, don't make you any more comfortable, move on. Trust your instincts. 
And if you're just not ready, well, then you're just not ready. Better to be upfront about it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Hope #3 is genuinely nice . N not fake . But nothing to practise there since i am not in the least attracted . Just hope i dont mislead him . Dont want to hurt his feelings .


Frame it in the perspective that you are being open-minded.
You don't know for sure all the men you will be attracted to in life, because you are not finished with your life.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Ha the one that i am physically attracted to is my neighbour who asked me out n gave me his listening ear during my divorce .
> 
> But i didn't accept as i wasnt ready . When i am now , for whatever reason , he didnt ask . So ? . Hope he is busy with new business ( that i know ) and not new woman .


You NEVER know about people. He could have been asked by your then-husband to see if you would stray outside the marriage, thus giving your now-ex husband an upper hand in the divorce. It's impossible to say. But if the guy wasn't willing to wait until your divorce was final, and was willing to compromise you both legally and financially, as well as tarnish your reputation, you can be assured that your sense of attraction was misguided at that time, and could be now. Thus you should at least date the #3 types.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Another thing
> 
> Ladies and gentleman .
> 
> I realise one thing , i don't feel great about these guys " chasing " me . In fact , i feel a little " fearful " . Like what if they are evil, bad ass , with STD , cheaters . I realize the divorce does do a little damage to me .


You only need to find one person who suits you, and to get your good qualities noticed by him. You can be the one who does the chasing, just don't let the guy know that. :wink2: 

When you do find a guy you like, you might even have to give him a little subtle encouragement, since you are accomplished and good looking and don't need a guy financially. This can be intimidating. So you have to embrace other qualities that might make you seem less 'tough'. It's a balancing act.


----------



## tripad

Less tough is really hard to do when life since young has been tough n i grew up tough and poor . Now tough as well as a single mum who has to earn to feed the kids . 

Only up side is my phyical look really doesnt look tough . My face n my 5"1 slender frame is a lie in itself , looking ladylike n not tough !!!!!!!!


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ha the one that i am physically attracted to is my neighbour who asked me out n gave me his listening ear during my divorce .
> 
> But i didn't accept as i wasnt ready . When i am now , for whatever reason , he didnt ask . So ? . Hope he is busy with new business ( that i know ) and not new woman .
> 
> 
> 
> You NEVER know about people. He could have been asked by your then-husband to see if you would stray outside the marriage, thus giving your now-ex husband an upper hand in the divorce. It's impossible to say. But if the guy wasn't willing to wait until your divorce was final, and lll lo hiwas willing to compromise you both legally and financially, as well as tarnish your reputation, you can be assured that your sense of attraction was misguided at that time, and could be now. Thus you should at least date the #3 types.
Click to expand...

Yup all that cross my mind . N it's my exact same thoughts v

Like my brother always tell me . D canNever know what the other person is thinking .

Better to expect the most evil d from human n be prepared than to be caught off guard .


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> Another thing
> 
> Ladies and gentleman .
> 
> I realise one thing , i don't feel great about these guys " chasing " me . In fact , i feel a little " fearful " . Like what if they are evil, bad ass , with STD , cheaters . I realize the divorce does do a little damage to me .


It doesn't sound like you are ready to date at all. Why push it?


----------



## tripad

Never try

Never find out .


----------



## FeministInPink

There's nothing wrong with waiting, tripad.


----------



## tripad

It's been 2 years since . Sigh .


----------



## FeministInPink

Everyone's personal timeline is different.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Wait too long and you'll become so accustomed to a single lifestyle that a future relationship becomes less and less attractive. Seems like that's what's happening to me.

I have everything I want already, found myself again after years of marriage, my feet on solid ground, alone but in full control, my lifestyle seems to have reached its full adaption to single daddyhood, holes in my life that once existed that were reserved for a partner - now almost all shut. At this point, it's going to be difficult to get into a relationship again.

But I'm also not lonely, I have my cat, I have my daughter, have my mates, and hearing my daughter tell me how much she loves her daddy everyday reminds me that I'm loved and have a solid purpose in life and reason to keeping going. What more can I ask for really? As happy as I am, I feel almost guilty desiring a partner, a partner I no longer really want. Meh

Bah... off track, just random thoughts


----------



## tripad

Rd

I know 

I am getting there too


That's why i thought i will try dating . Yet i look at them and have no feelings nor wish to be .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Yup all that cross my mind . N it's my exact same thoughts v
> 
> Like my brother always tell me . D canNever know what the other person is thinking .
> 
> Better to expect the most evil d from human n be prepared than to be caught off guard .


When you are tough and strategic, you can afford to open your heart. 
Love is a risk. Looking for it is not for the meek. But I think it can happen.


----------



## TooNice

I'm struggling with something and need to talk it through. I've been dating for awhile, since I moved out last year. I wasn't ready then, and I knew that. A friend who had recently divorced encouraged me to jump in, and I have not been sorry I did. I've met some very nice men, met some fun men, and most importantly, learned a lot about myself. I still have a long way to go, but would be open to seeing someone now. 

About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)

I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care. 

What is surprising me is what it's stirring up from my ex. The feelings of hurt from being lied to and manipulated and used. Not understanding why or how people can do treat another human being like that. I'd like to think I am a fairly kind person, and just cannot fathom that kind of behavior. I've read all the good articles on empaths and narcissists, too... But clearly have some re-reading to do.

I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again. 

In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.


----------



## Pluto2

tripad said:


> It's been 2 years since . Sigh .


Tripad, my D will be final 2yr this month and I am not dating. I go out with friends and stay busy with work, kids, volunteering etc. I can honestly say I'm not lonely and that I am happy.

If you're happy with your life why do you think you need more?


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I'm struggling with something and need to talk it through. I've been dating for awhile, since I moved out last year. I wasn't ready then, and I knew that. A friend who had recently divorced encouraged me to jump in, and I have not been sorry I did. I've met some very nice men, met some fun men, and most importantly, learned a lot about myself. I still have a long way to go, but would be open to seeing someone now.
> 
> About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)
> 
> I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care.
> 
> *What is surprising me is what it's stirring up from my ex. The feelings of hurt from being lied to and manipulated and used. Not understanding why or how people can do treat another human being like that. I'd like to think I am a fairly kind person, and just cannot fathom that kind of behavior. I've read all the good articles on empaths and narcissists, too... But clearly have some re-reading to do.*
> 
> I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again.
> 
> In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.


This is not unusual, not at all. It is very easy for an issue with a current person to resurrect things with the ex that you thought you had put to rest, and sometimes it's difficult to tell which feelings are about the current person, and which feelings are about the ex.

I read an article that said that the first relationship break-up after a divorce is always really hard, because you're actually processing the emotions around the loss of your former marriage. These emotions usually don't get fully processed during the divorce because there is so much else going on. 

Don't be too hard on yourself--we've all been played at one point or another.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TooNice said:


> I'm struggling with something and need to talk it through. I've been dating for awhile, since I moved out last year. I wasn't ready then, and I knew that. A friend who had recently divorced encouraged me to jump in, and I have not been sorry I did. I've met some very nice men, met some fun men, and most importantly, learned a lot about myself. I still have a long way to go, but would be open to seeing someone now.
> 
> About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)
> 
> I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care.
> 
> What is surprising me is what it's stirring up from my ex. The feelings of hurt from being lied to and manipulated and used. Not understanding why or how people can do treat another human being like that. I'd like to think I am a fairly kind person, and just cannot fathom that kind of behavior. I've read all the good articles on empaths and narcissists, too... But clearly have some re-reading to do.
> 
> I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again.
> 
> In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.


I'm sorry you went through this. It's disappointing, of course, but more importantly, it makes you feel like you've done something wrong by becoming the victim of a player. And obviously it will make you less eager to date and more wary of the next "nice" guy. 

I'm not sure what advice to give you. I think as much as you can look for the signs in the early stages of dating someone, there will be those that continue to be able to fool trusting, honest souls. It is part of internet dating. There is only so much vetting you can do. At some point, you have to open yourself up and trust. 

You shouldn't let it harden you or change you. Learn from it as best you can. Now that you look back with 20/20 hindsight, what signs were there? What questions could you have asked that would have exposed what he was really about?


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I'm struggling with something and need to talk it through. I've been dating for awhile, since I moved out last year. I wasn't ready then, and I knew that. A friend who had recently divorced encouraged me to jump in, and I have not been sorry I did. I've met some very nice men, met some fun men, and most importantly, learned a lot about myself. I still have a long way to go, but would be open to seeing someone now.
> 
> About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)
> 
> I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care.
> 
> What is surprising me is what it's stirring up from my ex. The feelings of hurt from being lied to and manipulated and used. Not understanding why or how people can do treat another human being like that. I'd like to think I am a fairly kind person, and just cannot fathom that kind of behavior. I've read all the good articles on empaths and narcissists, too... But clearly have some re-reading to do.
> 
> I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again.
> 
> In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.


There are aszholes around isnt it ? 

Maybe they just enjoy bluffing the innocent n kind . They hurt another person n they feel good , like they are needed and had the power to hurt another . They think that the sluzt is not a conquest . 

Watching csi channel like fatal vows is good . At the end the two psychiatrists will comment n it's an eye opener . But it's scary too. The things people do for money .


----------



## tripad

Pluto2 said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> It's been 2 years since . Sigh .
> 
> 
> 
> Tripad, my D will be final 2yr this month and I am not dating. I go out with friends and stay busy with work, kids, volunteering etc. I can honestly say I'm not lonely and that I am happy.
> 
> If you're happy with your life why do you think you need more?
Click to expand...

Sex ? being alone at times ? 

Otherwise i am picking up my life fine . Finances without a husband is fine , in fact better , without a husband perpetually causing debts . Business picking up so well . Children doing well in school and are sensible .

Yup even if a great guy comes around i am afraid to rock my world again .


----------



## tripad

Having said that i dont do sex nor smooches unless in committed relationship . I tell myself . I just dont want STD or AIDS . I am all my boys have and can depend on .


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TooNice said:


> I'm struggling with something and need to talk it through. I've been dating for awhile, since I moved out last year. I wasn't ready then, and I knew that. A friend who had recently divorced encouraged me to jump in, and I have not been sorry I did. I've met some very nice men, met some fun men, and most importantly, learned a lot about myself. I still have a long way to go, but would be open to seeing someone now.
> 
> About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)
> 
> I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care.
> 
> What is surprising me is what it's stirring up from my ex. The feelings of hurt from being lied to and manipulated and used. Not understanding why or how people can do treat another human being like that. I'd like to think I am a fairly kind person, and just cannot fathom that kind of behavior. I've read all the good articles on empaths and narcissists, too... But clearly have some re-reading to do.
> 
> I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again.
> 
> In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.


How do you know you were played? What did you find when you did digging?

To protect yourself and your emotions you should probably devise some sort of rule book for how your dates will go and stick to it. I.e. Date 1 no more than 2 hours, no going to each other's homes or a parked car until date _____, only talking 3 times a week. Whatever, but it will keep you from making hasty decisions based on your feelings at the moment.


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> *How do you know you were played? What did you find when you did digging?*
> 
> To protect yourself and your emotions you should probably devise some sort of rule book for how your dates will go and stick to it. I.e. Date 1 no more than 2 hours, no going to each other's homes or a parked car until date _____, only talking 3 times a week. Whatever, but it will keep you from making hasty decisions based on your feelings at the moment.


I'm curious about this as well.


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> TooNice said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm struggling with something and need to talk it through. I've been dating for awhile, since I moved out last year. I wasn't ready then, and I knew that. A friend who had recently divorced encouraged me to jump in, and I have not been sorry I did. I've met some very nice men, met some fun men, and most importantly, learned a lot about myself. I still have a long way to go, but would be open to seeing someone now.
> 
> About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)
> 
> I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care.
> 
> What is surprising me is what it's stirring up from my ex. The feelings of hurt from being lied to and manipulated and used. Not understanding why or how people can do treat another human being like that. I'd like to think I am a fairly kind person, and just cannot fathom that kind of behavior. I've read all the good articles on empaths and narcissists, too... But clearly have some re-reading to do.
> 
> I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again.
> 
> In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.
> 
> 
> 
> How do you know you were played? What did you find when you did digging?
> 
> To protect yourself and your emotions you should probably devise some sort of rule book for how your dates will go and stick to it. I.e. Date 1 no more than 2 hours, no going to each other's homes or a parked car until date _____, only talking 3 times a week. Whatever, but it will keep you from making hasty decisions based on your feelings at the moment.
Click to expand...


Good

Rule book.


----------



## TooNice

SecondTime'Round said:


> How do you know you were played? What did you find when you did digging?


I really had such a great time, I thought it was strange the more time passed that I didn't hear from him. I found him on FB. He's pretty shut down on there, but a picture showed up last week. I was able to track down the profile of the person in the pic with him... his brand new bride.

I enjoy the person I am. I have been proud that despite being duped by my ex for 5-10 years, I truly don't think I am bitter or broken. I'd like to keep it that way, but I guess I do need to change something about my approach.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

That's why you MUST use condoms and avoid oral sex unless you are monogamous you have been tested and share those tests. Which is a good reason to wait. Waiting isn't about being chaste or not wanting to be labeled a sl*t. It's all about what you are comfortable with.

ETA - "Trust by verify" works for dating, too. Trust they are being honest but verify what they are telling you. Most areas have online marriage and divorce logs, real estate records, arrest records, etc. I ask them things and verify what they tell me. I don't go all stalker on them but I do check out whatever facts I can.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TooNice said:


> I really had such a great time, I thought it was strange the more time passed that I didn't hear from him. I found him on FB. He's pretty shut down on there, but a picture showed up last week. I was able to track down the profile of the person in the pic with him... his brand new bride.
> 
> I enjoy the person I am. I have been proud that despite being duped by my ex for 5-10 years, I truly don't think I am bitter or broken. I'd like to keep it that way, but I guess I do need to change something about my approach.


Oh my. Screen shot the Tinder profile and find a way to anonymously send it to her!


----------



## unsure78

TooNice said:


> . I found him on FB. He's pretty shut down on there, but a picture showed up last week. I was able to track down the profile of the person in the pic with him... his brand new bride.
> .


This is the digging you should do before a date or after the first date before the second date. FB, googling a persons name, verifying where they work, and online local courts records search are all good go to resources... there is nothing wrong with verifying some information before you get to know someone better. I had guys who lied about their age, where they live, and marital status...all of this I was able to find out easily online. Saves you a lot of heartache later.

And ditto on what Enjoli said...


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> SecondTime'Round said:
> 
> 
> 
> How do you know you were played? What did you find when you did digging?
> 
> 
> 
> I really had such a great time, I thought it was strange the more time passed that I didn't hear from him. I found him on FB. He's pretty shut down on there, but a picture showed up last week. I was able to track down the profile of the person in the pic with him... his brand new bride.
> 
> I enjoy the person I am. I have been proud that despite being duped by my ex for 5-10 years, I truly don't think I am bitter or broken. I'd like to keep it that way, but I guess I do need to change something about my approach.
Click to expand...


Hey 

Hugs n kisses to you .

Careful the next time . 

All the checking advices are great . I must keep in mind too .

It just cross my mind . I might as well keep those efforts on my business instead .


----------



## tripad

Yup 

Just showed my brother a photo of #3 as mentioned earlier . He claimed to be a director . In the photo he was wearing a coat .

My bro said it could be a borowed coat . Lol . N he could lie about his position . 

Yes . Told my bro if i do go out with him , I will have no shame n ask for name and position and company and i will verify he's not a bluff , trying to con me .


----------



## TooNice

I DO check out dates whenever possible. I found what I could beforehand, and didn't find any red flags. I always try to check out FB and court records. Sometimes there just isn't much to work with. I checked in with a friend throughout the night so she knew I was safe, and just took a leap. I don't want to be a person who can't do that. Sometimes the best things in life come that way.


----------



## BeachGuy

I'm divorcing and will be in the dating world some time in the new year. From what I'm reading here women are very distrustful of new men? Do most women feel that way? I guess it seems extreme to me since I'm such a trusting person. I trust people if and until they give me a reason not to.


----------



## TooNice

BeachGuy said:


> I'm divorcing and will be in the dating world some time in the new year. From what I'm reading here women are very distrustful of new men? Do most women feel that way? I guess it seems extreme to me since I'm such a trusting person. I trust people if and until they give me a reason not to.


For me, it's just being safe. I have avoided dates with a married man and a man who had several assault and OWI records within the past year. I just want to know that initial info seems on the up and up.

Otherwise I tend to agree with you...I am also very trusting. Which is why I'm overwhelmed by these new and old feelings of being used. 

I hope you don't get the wrong idea from this discussion. Sadly, there are not enough men like you in our dating pools. We are working from our experiences.


----------



## tripad

BeachGuy said:


> I'm divorcing and will be in the dating world some time in the new year. From what I'm reading here women are very distrustful of new men? Do most women feel that way? I guess it seems extreme to me since I'm such a trusting person. I trust people if and until they give me a reason not to.


yup

too many aszholes around .

Maybe if you are trusting like you say , we can all date you . LOL .

you will meet some soon enough . but being a man , i think , will get less aszholes women ? no ?

If a woman prey on you for sex , you got laid and got lucky .

If a women prey on your money , you got laid anyway and lost some money .

but a man prey on women for sex and we wont call it we got lucky .

I also find that , some men prey on women who are financially independent so as to leech on them . A man gold digger ? It defies tradition and makes us feel used .


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> About a month ago, I met a man for a drink. We matched on Tinder months ago, but never chatted, and I struck up a conversation. When we met, we hit it off instantly, and our drink turned into dinner and four hours of conversation. We took a walk before he walked me to my car and we kissed goodnight. The next night, we hit a neighborhood festival. Ate, drank, talked, laughed...it was amazing. He came over after, and the great conversation continued through the night. (Yes, there were interruptions...)
> 
> I haven't heard from him since, and after doing some digging, I learned that I was played. Big time. So, whatever-I knew the guy for two days. I don't get why he wasn't up front about his situation... There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't care.
> 
> 
> I thought I had recovered from this part somewhat, and I am irritated that two dates with a jerk of a guy could stir this all up again.
> 
> In any event, I've been immersing myself in work again. I've been out, but the more I think about what happened, the less interest I have in dating right now.


I am sorry this happened to you TooNice. 
What are you looking for in a partner? Do you want a relationship or just sex?
Somone mentioned a rule book, yes create one. Also, if you are looking for a committed relationship, I would suggest holding off on sex until the person gets to know you. Sex too early tends to bring out a lot of unreal feelings. 
Most men will tell you that they do not care if a woman has sex with them too early, but trust me, they need to feel you are worth their time and chase. I dont make the rules, dont shoot me. 
I will even go as far as say that any man who has sex on a first or second date with woman and choses to be in a relationship with her is a desperate man. I am not talking about women being easy. I am talking about respecting yourself and being careful of WHO you chose to sleep with. You are strong, not everyone deserves your beautiful self. 
On the other hand, if all you are looking for is sex, then go for it.


----------



## Another Planet

tripad said:


> Having said that i dont do sex nor smooches unless in committed relationship . I tell myself . I just dont want STD or AIDS . I am all my boys have and can depend on .


That's a topic we haven't discussed much around these parts. It should be a concern for anyone who is actively dating. It is ignorant to think the threat of life threatening STD's doesn't exist. I met a girl from Match.com with HIV, luckily she confessed late one night before it went further. And my ex use to be a pharmacy technician and she would tell me the amount of people on valtrax is absurd.


----------



## Another Planet

BeachGuy said:


> I'm divorcing and will be in the dating world some time in the new year. From what I'm reading here women are very distrustful of new men? Do most women feel that way? I guess it seems extreme to me since I'm such a trusting person. I trust people if and until they give me a reason not to.


lol not just women boss 
It is not extreme to not trust right out of the gate...it will save you a lot of heartache. Probably 75% of the women I encountered were already involved or had something else majorly game changing they were hiding. Even when I met my current girlfriend she was still technically involved. But then again I might not really be the norm because that was my track record was to attract involved women for some reason so I guess maybe I am not the best example...


----------



## BeachGuy

tripad said:


> yup
> Maybe if you are trusting like you say , we can all date you . LOL .


I can work with that. lmao


----------



## BeachGuy

TooNice said:


> I hope you don't get the wrong idea from this discussion. Sadly, there are not enough men like you in our dating pools. We are working from our experiences.


It's got me thinking geeze...am I going to be tested, background checked, investigated, etc. by every woman I go out with? It doesn't concern me because I have nothing to hide but wow...

I'm your classic "nice guy". But I've been working on changing that for the last 6 months. And I don't mean change to being a "mean guy". I mean focusing more on me and what makes me happy instead of always trying to make others happy. It's very liberating. I've done a few things in those months that just feel great. Like I'm being "me" for once.

I hate that you ladies have to be so distrusting but I get it. I just never hung around guys like that.


----------



## tripad

Pass those guys over . 

We can date them


----------



## Another Planet

BeachGuy said:


> It's got me thinking geeze...am I going to be tested, background checked, investigated, etc. by every woman I go out with? It doesn't concern me because I have nothing to hide but wow...
> 
> I hate that you ladies have to be so distrusting but I get it. I just never hung around guys like that.


Yes hopefully you will be. Blind trust is immature.

You never hung around guys like that? I have yet to meet a man without some hiccup of personality, no one is pure.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> This is not unusual, not at all. It is very easy for an issue with a current person to resurrect things with the ex that you thought you had put to rest, and sometimes it's difficult to tell which feelings are about the current person, and which feelings are about the ex.


Dealing with this right now. I don't think certain things can be processed about the marriage/divorce until you are dealing with similar romantic encounters. Such as doing domestic things together on a regular basis. That has triggered some memories i forgot about and brings up emotions I haven't dealt with. Was rough for a bit, especially since I've felt really solid with myself and my emotions for awhile. 

I am glad I recognized alot was from my past and not my present... Although it took alot of focus and alone time to ground myself. 

It blows my mind how much damage being married to a narcissist can cause. Years later and my ex still rattles me. It definitely helps keep me focused on never committing to someone like that again!


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> This is not unusual, not at all. It is very easy for an issue with a current person to resurrect things with the ex that you thought you had put to rest, and sometimes it's difficult to tell which feelings are about the current person, and which feelings are about the ex.
> 
> 
> 
> Dealing with this right now. I don't think certain things can be processed about the marriage/divorce until you are dealing with similar romantic encounters. Such as doing domestic things together on a regular basis. That has triggered some memories i forgot about and brings up emotions I haven't dealt with. Was rough for a bit, especially since I've felt really solid with myself and my emotions for awhile.
> 
> I am glad I recognized alot was from my past and not my present... Although it took alot of focus and alone time to ground myself.
> 
> It blows my mind how much damage being married to a narcissist can cause. Years later and my ex still rattles me. It definitely helps keep me focused on never committing to someone like that again!
Click to expand...


You cant let that sick bazstard get away . Post his text and tinder to his new bride to be !!!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Whoa, I think you quoted the wrong post


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> Dealing with this right now. I don't think certain things can be processed about the marriage/divorce until you are dealing with similar romantic encounters. Such as doing domestic things together on a regular basis. That has triggered some memories i forgot about and brings up emotions I haven't dealt with. Was rough for a bit, especially since I've felt really solid with myself and my emotions for awhile.
> 
> I am glad I recognized alot was from my past and not my present... Although it took alot of focus and alone time to ground myself.
> 
> It blows my mind how much damage being married to a narcissist can cause. Years later and my ex still rattles me. It definitely helps keep me focused on never committing to someone like that again!


Completely agree. Some things you compartmentalize and they rear their heads later on during new experiences with new people.

Glad to hear you are doing good Vi :smile2:


----------



## vi_bride04

Another Planet said:


> Completely agree. Some things you compartmentalize and they rear their heads later on during new experiences with new people.
> 
> Glad to hear you are doing good Vi :smile2:


How YOU doin'????


----------



## Another Planet

vi_bride04 said:


> How YOU doin'????


:grin2: I am doing very good thank you very much. 
My girlfriend and I are still going strong.....so to the nonbelievers I am a living example you can find love again!


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> Dealing with this right now. I don't think certain things can be processed about the marriage/divorce until you are dealing with similar romantic encounters. Such as doing domestic things together on a regular basis. That has triggered some memories i forgot about and brings up emotions I haven't dealt with. Was rough for a bit, *especially since I've felt really solid with myself and my emotions for awhile. *
> 
> I am glad I recognized alot was from my past and not my present... Although it took alot of focus and alone time to ground myself.
> 
> It blows my mind how much damage being married to a narcissist can cause. Years later and my ex still rattles me. It definitely helps keep me focused on never committing to someone like that again!


I agree with this all wholeheartedly! I definitely feel as though emotions hit me harder when I have been going through a good patch. But I notice that it seems like more time passes between the rough spots, and the good patches last longer. 

I know I need to focus more on that alone time, too. For me, I went from a home with a husband and two kids (one full-time, one not), to a home by myself. I went from a family with three other people to just me and my boy. And the knowledge that my ex was settled into his "new" relationship the day I moved out, yet I am starting over. I realized today that I may be allowing all of that to rush me a little bit. 

The damage caused by a narcissistic partner takes time to heal from, and I need to give myself that time. Thanks to all of you for your feedback on this - it's been a huge help.


----------



## Lone Shadow

vi_bride04 said:


> How YOU doin'????


_Channeling Joey Tribbiani..._How *you* doin'?


----------



## RandomDude

Damn the summer, lots of skirts and lots of legs... and I'm a sucker for long legs...

Half a year celibacy!!! It may not last at this rate, especially now that my sex drive is returning =/
2 against 1 though... my brain/heart doesn't want it, but my 2nd brain does. Now to just figure out how to silence the 2nd brain...

But damn it... so many temptations!!!


----------



## Lone Shadow

RandomDude said:


> Damn the summer, lots of skirts and lots of legs... and I'm a sucker for long legs...
> 
> Half a year celibacy!!! It may not last at this rate, especially now that my sex drive is returning =/
> 2 against 1 though... my brain/heart doesn't want it, but my 2nd brain does. Now to just figure out how to silence the 2nd brain...
> 
> But damn it... so many temptations!!!


----------



## tripad

Lol


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Damn the summer, lots of skirts and lots of legs... and I'm a sucker for long legs...
> 
> Half a year celibacy!!! It may not last at this rate, especially now that my sex drive is returning =/
> 2 against 1 though... my brain/heart doesn't want it, but my 2nd brain does. Now to just figure out how to silence the 2nd brain...
> 
> But damn it... so many temptations!!!


Give it a pinch


----------



## Lone Shadow

Ouch. Pass on the pinch, thanks.


----------



## tripad

damn 
another married man tried to pick me up on tinder .
even when i said i am not keen on married man , he tried to "coax" me to meet him .
baztard .
pity his wife .
that makes me worried if i do like a man , would he be an aszhole cheater like that ?


----------



## Another Planet

tripad said:


> damn
> another married man tried to pick me up on tinder .
> even when i said i am not keen on married man , he tried to "coax" me to meet him .
> baztard .
> pity his wife .
> that makes me worried if i do like a man , would he be an aszhole cheater like that ?


No offense but I don't envy you all in the dating pool. It's rough out there. And to think after sifting through all the potentials getting rid of the liars and cheats and scumbags you still have to even like the person and get along!!! :surprise:

Unsure had a pretty straight forward plan for dating. If I remember correctly it was something like don't waste time on what ifs, if you don't like something about someone move on. You have to date a lot, only way to really get to know them is to meet them face to face...coffee or a quick lunch, just do it and if you don't like them move on.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! And 'tis why I can't be fked! Too much hassle! And then even if I find someone decent I'll have to re-adapt and re-adjust to daddyhood with a partner, a partner who also has to love my daughter too or she can fk off! What are the chances that the stars will align?

Bah! Meh... think I'll stick to single daddyhood.


----------



## tripad

Ya 
I am thinking that now too.
Will the new guy like my sons ?


----------



## RandomDude

OMG Snowball!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pCoSwbcBNU

LOVE THIS BIRD  Can't believe I didn't see this vid yet

But anyway, so much more joy in life that can be found than from pffft... relationships

'Tis just me though, I grew up alone, and furthermore I grew up in an environment where trust/reliance on anybody could result in death, imprisonment or worse. Even in marriage looking back my emotional availability is stunted, even though I did love my ex-wife I had issues with vulnerability, hardwired programming. In the end I've evolved to be a lone wolf. The only way I managed to become vulnerable is through my daughter, but she is from my flesh and blood - so I can't really have this type of vulnerability with someone else.

Single life suits me best, dunno about you though Tripad, everyone is different.


----------



## tripad

Trying to evolve and find out .

Good to have a soulmate . But otherwise , maybe it could be better alone . I dont want another troubled problematic man .


----------



## Lone Shadow

Fvckin' cold. 45F, at 80mph, is a 30F windchill. For 2 hours. It's going to take me some time to thaw out this morning.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Lone Shadow said:


> Fvckin' cold. 45F, at 80mph, is a 30F windchill. For 2 hours. It's going to take me some time to thaw out this morning.


I had to read this 3 times before I got it because I'm only a few hours north of you and I'm didn't have 80mph winds when I took the dog out! 

Got it now!  You're a tough one.


----------



## Lone Shadow

On top of that, my genius self decided to wear my half helmet today, instead of my full-face. I wasn't the only one though, there were a couple other guys out this morning. 

It did convince me of the need to find my balaclava though. That would have made a big difference in my comfort level.


----------



## RandomDude

And while we're sizzling in the sun, you guys are frozen stiff!
Anyway, are we that bored we are talking about the weather? lol

Meh... not like I have anything interesting in my life to share anyway... it's peaceful, quiet, and serene... either than a few annoying hormonal triggers.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Not talking about the weather RD. I was talking about freezing my ass off this morning riding my bike into work. Two hours, with my windchill at -1C. It was a bit nipply.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Fvckin' cold. 45F, at 80mph, is a 30F windchill. For 2 hours. It's going to take me some time to thaw out this morning.


It's supposed to snow here tonight.
Just in time for a soccer match and a XC meet.
Once we had a foot for Halloween. Already got my mittens out.

Good weather for bonfires and snuggling up to watch a movie. Just sayin.


----------



## Lone Shadow

HNU, you're not in Colorado, are you?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lone Shadow said:


> On top of that, my genius self decided to wear my half helmet today, instead of my full-face. I wasn't the only one though, there were a couple other guys out this morning.
> 
> It did convince me of the need to find my balaclava though. That would have made a big difference in my comfort level.


When I had my bike I couldn't find a balaclava that was thick enough for my liking, so I made my own. Took a really thick winter hat (several layers) and split it along the seam, then sewed the edges back up. I would slip it over my head and onto my neck, don my helmet, and then tuck the balaclava up over my neck/chin into the helmet, and down into my jacket. It was very thick so it made a nice seal against the wind. 

The coldest ride I ever did was at 13F (-10.5C) There was a bit of black ice on the highway onramp that morning, and my bike did a little 2 wheel dance for a moment. Talk about a pucker moment! I never rode when it was that cold again, so that I could guard against drainage areas freezing over like that. Scary morning.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I can imagine. I've gotten a little squirrely in the rain, and when downshifting too hard. My coldest ride was this past spring. Mid-high 30's with rain, and I didn't have any rain gear at the time. 

The balaclava that I have won't work very well with the bike, but it _is_ an extra layer. I'll probably just get a neck gator type thing, and start wearing my full face.


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> Trying to evolve and find out .
> 
> Good to have a soulmate . But otherwise , maybe it could be better alone . I dont want another troubled problematic man .


No such thing as soul mates, just 2 people who continue to put hard work and effort into the relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> No such thing as soul mates, just 2 people who continue to put hard work and effort into the relationship.


I like to think of it like this: together you grow and become soulmates over time--you don't just "find" your soulmate.


----------



## tripad

Hey 

The #2 guy online who text dear all the time may be just a nerdy engineer .

I asked n he replied i need a wife and looking for one !

Some women may like that but i dont . Sounds needy n scary . 

Told him he's kinda far away in Australia n i have no intention to migrate so let's not waste time . That i wont get intimate anytime soon if that's his intent . 

N he swears i am the wife he may be looking for .

????


----------



## tripad

I think he is not a pervert but complete nerd . 
I got that in school days a few times . One kiss one date and they swear to marry you . Ok i don't like nerds . But seriously i see gf with nerds and they are good husbands fathers . 

Wonder if i should change my taste to nerds . ?


----------



## tripad

But i still have the hots for my neighbor single dad . Waiting hibernating for him to ask me out . 

Haha . He's a little nerdy n tongue tied too but a slight bit cute looking n fit one .


----------



## Another Planet

FeministInPink said:


> vi_bride04 said:
> 
> 
> 
> No such thing as soul mates, just 2 people who continue to put hard work and effort into the relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I like to think of it like this: together you grow and become soulmates over time--you don't just "find" your soulmate.
Click to expand...

I like to think of it that way also


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> HNU, you're not in Colorado, are you?


Nope. Central NH.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> The #2 guy online who text dear all the time may be just a nerdy engineer .
> 
> I asked n he replied i need a wife and looking for one !
> 
> Some women may like that but i dont . Sounds needy n scary .
> 
> Told him he's kinda far away in Australia n i have no intention to migrate so let's not waste time . That i wont get intimate anytime soon if that's his intent .
> 
> N he swears i am the wife he may be looking for .
> 
> ????


If he is sincere that's kind of scary. Delete!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I like to think of it like this: together you grow and become soulmates over time--you don't just "find" your soulmate.


Ey? I reckon its both


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Nope. Central NH.


Really? It's going to be snowing in NH?


----------



## 06Daddio08

vi_bride04 said:


> No such thing as soul mates, just 2 people who continue to put hard work and effort into the relationship.


With billions of people in the world, the chances of meeting someone who you'd live a decent life with is rather high. I'm a firm believer in that only a small handful of those people can make the connection to be long term partners. 

Timing is everything.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Really? It's going to be snowing in NH?


Yes. Went for a hike yesterday afternoon. It had snowed some during the day. Little white pellets still on the ground, enough to fall through foliage and thick forest. There was some hail mixed in. Fast moving storms with moisture and cold air moving in from a NW direction. Probably a present from the Great Lakes.


----------



## tripad

Where's NH ?

Nice 

Snow 

In singapore it's hot summer all year round 

We got to go for holiday to experience snow .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Where's NH ?
> 
> Nice
> 
> Snow
> 
> In singapore it's hot summer all year round
> 
> We got to go for holiday to experience snow .


New Hampshire. Northeastern US, between Maine, Massachusetts, and Vermont. Mountains, gorgeous foliage in the fall, and a little bit of coastline, which I hear is beautiful. (I've been to other parts of New Hampshire, but not the coast.)

And also, from what I hear, really good prices on booze.


----------



## RandomDude

Having experienced -50'C blizzards in the motherland, cold enough that you would snap freeze in seconds... I think I'm happy without snow down under.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> New Hampshire. Northeastern US, between Maine, Massachusetts, and Vermont. Mountains, gorgeous foliage in the fall, and a little bit of coastline, which I hear is beautiful. (I've been to other parts of New Hampshire, but not the coast.)
> 
> And also, from what I hear, really good prices on booze.


Unfortunately, yes. Good prices on booze. Lots of mental illness and alcoholism and addictions here, as well as guns and shootings/standoffs. Live free or die. Maybe the wrong conjunction in that phrase, maybe not. Around here, nobody is going to protect you from your choices. 

And while not as brutal as RD's homeland, making a wrong move either on the road at night or out on a trail can be easily fatal, -50 is well past the point of no return...


----------



## ne9907

Sometimes I get extremely apathetic towards dating, being in a relationship, loving someone, and having my heart broken. I do not believe my heart will be EVER broken again. I do not believe I will fall in love deeply again. I am happy though. Does this make sense?

I had drill this weekend. Got released late, then went to see my "friend". He had dinner ready for me, cleaned my car, and helped do my laundry while I showered. After that, we sat down on his couch and watched the walking dead. We snuggled for about an hour, then I fell asleep. I woke up on his bed (I am really really worn down after drill weekend). 
He is a good friend, he treats me right, he even said he loved me, I like him a lot, but that is that.
Anyway, I am still tired!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Sometimes I get extremely apathetic towards dating, being in a relationship, loving someone, and having my heart broken. I do not believe my heart will be EVER broken again. I do not believe I will fall in love deeply again. I am happy though. Does this make sense?
> 
> I had drill this weekend. Got released late, then went to see my "friend". He had dinner ready for me, cleaned my car, and helped do my laundry while I showered. After that, we sat down on his couch and watched the walking dead. We snuggled for about an hour, then I fell asleep. I woke up on his bed (I am really really worn down after drill weekend).
> He is a good friend, he treats me right, he even said he loved me, I like him a lot, but that is that.
> Anyway, I am still tired!


Interesting that one can experience love without feeling it. 
Maybe at that point it's just deeply engrained in one's life, so much so that you can't notice it as anything unusual or foreign/overwhelming. :x


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I am excited!!! I found out this weekend that my sister is pregnant with baby #3!!!

I thought they might stop with two--my sister had expressed to me concern over the financial viability of a third, but they're going for it 

We had a nice moment over the weekend, during a quite moment at my niece's birthday party. She confided in me--after I said I had been wondering when they might announce another pregnancy--that they had been trying for almost two years, because her progesterone levels are low, which can make it difficult to conceive. They had initially intended to have each of the kids 18 months apart, but there are 3 yrs between my nieces, and there will be almost 4 yrs between the youngest and the baby... which is due on my birthday!

(That's actually how she announced it. She said something about how we might have to plan shared birthday parties with me in the future--I thought she was talking about my oldest niece, whose birthday is a week before mine--and then she said, because we're due with another baby on your birthday! It was kind of funny, because people were confused at first.)


----------



## RandomDude

=/

I'm lucky I only have one, as three's a crowd... one of my relatives has TWELVE kids!!! TWELVE! We joke that she's like a baby factory!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> I'm lucky I only have one, as three's a crowd... one of my relatives has TWELVE kids!!! TWELVE! We joke that she's like a baby factory!


My brother-in-law's mom is one of 11 or 12. I can't even imagine...


----------



## tripad

Gosh i did twice and each was c section and a big slice across my tummy . Agonizing pain . I would do one more for a daughter if not for the divorce .


----------



## tripad

Where everyone gone to . So quiet here .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Just dealing with life. Or working as a way of dealing with life. 
I work from home so it's a nice respite. I don't have to deal with anything but bits and bytes. 
Pure bliss. 

Had some trouble with eldest son, resolved by deciding to not attend his wedding or any more big social events he and his future wife invite me too. It's not my thing. If anyone wants to see me, they can get themselves up here to visit me. I'm tired of exhausting myself to show up and play nice nice and dole out money and not get anything in return but judgement and paltry compliments.


----------



## tripad

I need single friends with or without kids . Gosh . My married friends are just work and family , no time for me , i understand . I was that too . Just that i am divorced now . So it's really lonely when i need a friend to talk to or just do things tog . Not necessarily a man .


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Just dealing with life. Or working as a way of dealing with life.
> I work from home so it's a nice respite. I don't have to deal with anything but bits and bytes.
> Pure bliss.
> 
> Had some trouble with eldest son, resolved by deciding to not attend his wedding or any more big social events he and his future wife invite me too. It's not my thing. If anyone wants to see me, they can get themselves up here to visit me. I'm tired of exhausting myself to show up and play nice nice and dole out money and not get anything in return but judgement and paltry compliments.


Why ? That will hurt him ?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Why ? That will hurt him ?


His future wife comes from a great big happy close family. My kids and I are close and happy. But that's not good enough for him. He wants me to pretend to be at his 3-day wedding event and act like I'm having a great time and am okay with a guy who kicked the crap out of me being there too. 

I find this hilarious. 
What does he know. 
He is just a cute baby playing house with his bride to be, pretending to work hard and drinking beer and smoking pot still, always having some kind of money issue and stuff he needs. Can't get some real jobs because he might have to be in an office. OMG, horrible.

It might 'hurt' him but I'm more concerned about me. He's 25, he's a man. It's me or him. I choose me. I'm still supporting my younger two kids and need to see myself through to the end of my life. I need to live with myself and my decisions. I'll never forgive myself if I make myself go to this wedding I don't want to be at. It's a huge hassle, cost money, logistics, mucho time, and take my kids out of school their last day or two, maybe one will even miss a finals day. Unacceptable. And he put me in a platform tent with no private restroom for me except to go to a house. In northern Vermont, in early June. Cold, wet, damp...maybe black flies or mosquitoes then, or both. No, thank you. If I need to be expected to play nice nice at a wedding I'm not going to look like I walked off the set of Deliverance and have to make my toileting a public matter. My kid is so weird. Not to mention a pandering misogynist these days towards me.

I don't think he should ever get a job as a salesman, he will really p*ss people off.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I saw my boyfriend is still on Match.
He asked me to unplug his phone to plug mine in to charge and he had a message from Match when I unplugged his phone. 
I'd told him I took my profile down because I didn't like being on Match. I sent him my phone number before I did that, that's how he called me and took me out. Then we started dating and things have been going well.
But I told him now I made my profile active again because I like to have things equal in our relationship, and if he is going to consider his options, I will too, and if we think we are done looking at options we can discuss that later. 
I told him I don't want to pry and if I want to know something I'll ask him directly, in person, and he can do the same.
That as he said, a healthy relationship takes two people on the same page and it takes effort, and is not always easy.

I think that was a good way of handling things. 

I didn't want him to think I'm some kind of pushover, I also don't want him to think I'm the kind of person who will stupidly put all my eggs in one basket and just say, oh, it's okay if you're looking around. Because if he's looking around, certainly he should understand why I would need to as well. It's not personal, except personal in that I'm looking out for myself. Doesn't change the way I feel about the time we spend together, at all. He's a nice guy, I enjoy being with him, we relate well to each other. I'm still figuring out some things about him and letting the concerns just sit there under observation until I can get more information (mainly about his impulse contro/decision making in finances, his long-term work habits, his day to day coherency...I think some long-term bachelors really have issues with day to day coherency...dude, it's Tuesday. Monday came and went, lol.) 

I'm a present minded person. The future is shaped by the decisions you make today, but pretty much you have to live in the present reality that you've created...

I felt like this was the right thing to do. No ultimatum, just is what it is. This is the status quo, this is how it will be until it changes. Change needs to come from action, not words. I'm good with that.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Is this the bf that came back into your life after an injury? I was thinking that had ended....


----------



## gouge_away

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> But I told him now I made my profile active again because I like to have things equal in our relationship, and if he is going to consider his options, I will too, and if we think we are done looking at options we can discuss that later.
> 
> I think that was a good way of handling things.
> 
> I felt like this was the right thing to do. No ultimatum, just is what it is. This is the status quo, this is how it will be until it changes. Change needs to come from action, not words. I'm good with that.


Sounds like a very passive aggressive way of dealing with it. Something tells me a "omg I'm such a fool," moment is in your near future.


----------



## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I saw my boyfriend is still on Match.
> He asked me to unplug his phone to plug mine in to charge and he had a message from Match when I unplugged his phone.
> I'd told him I took my profile down because I didn't like being on Match. I sent him my phone number before I did that, that's how he called me and took me out. Then we started dating and things have been going well.
> But I told him now I made my profile active again because I like to have things equal in our relationship, and if he is going to consider his options, I will too, and if we think we are done looking at options we can discuss that later.
> I told him I don't want to pry and if I want to know something I'll ask him directly, in person, and he can do the same.
> That as he said, a healthy relationship takes two people on the same page and it takes effort, and is not always easy.
> 
> I think that was a good way of handling things.
> 
> I didn't want him to think I'm some kind of pushover, I also don't want him to think I'm the kind of person who will stupidly put all my eggs in one basket and just say, oh, it's okay if you're looking around. Because if he's looking around, certainly he should understand why I would need to as well. It's not personal, except personal in that I'm looking out for myself. Doesn't change the way I feel about the time we spend together, at all. He's a nice guy, I enjoy being with him, we relate well to each other. I'm still figuring out some things about him and letting the concerns just sit there under observation until I can get more information (mainly about his impulse contro/decision making in finances, his long-term work habits, his day to day coherency...I think some long-term bachelors really have issues with day to day coherency...dude, it's Tuesday. Monday came and went, lol.)
> 
> I'm a present minded person. The future is shaped by the decisions you make today, but pretty much you have to live in the present reality that you've created...
> 
> I felt like this was the right thing to do. No ultimatum, just is what it is. This is the status quo, this is how it will be until it changes. Change needs to come from action, not words. I'm good with that.


I think this was a very mature response. 

You can't control someone, even if you gave an ultimatum he could just continue the undesirable behavior and lie to you.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

gouge_away said:


> Sounds like a very passive aggressive way of dealing with it. Something tells me a "omg I'm such a fool," moment is in your near future.


Nope, not at all. He said I was correct and justified and we're cool.

Why would I be such a fool for wanting to be on equal footing in a relationship with a guy I'm dating. 

And why would I be such a fool for communicating my reasoning behind my actions to someone I'm on good terms with? He was fine with that.

Passive-aggressive would have been , putting my profile active and visible and not saying anything at all to him. Could end a good relationship...

Or, giving him an ultimatum that I don't want to give him. I'm not a control freak.

I have no clue where you could get passive aggressive out of wanting a relationship to be on equal footing. Open dating is not exactly a new concept. You think people just get there by accident...or by default?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> I think this was a very mature response.
> 
> You can't control someone, even if you gave an ultimatum he could just continue the undesirable behavior and lie to you.


I'm sorry. I like that you recognize that this is a mature response, but I never said he was lying, and I never said it was undesirable behavior. 

That's not the case at all. He never lied about it, he just was doing it. And if I thought it was undesirable behavior I would not keep seeing him. Behavior is behavior, whether it's bad I can't say...I didn't experience anything bad from it, personally, and while he may feel bad for wanting to continue to look around when he wants a relationship with me, that's between him and him, not me...only he knows what he is thinking about our relationship and why he would look around. I can't judge him for that. If he lied and was doing something undesirable to me and didn't care about it I would stop dating him and cite the reason as a trust issue. 

He wanted to talk about being exclusive but I said we could talk about that later. For the moment, the status quo is that we have active online dating profiles and whatever that might imply, both on- and off-line. I'm good with that. 

I want a good relationship more than I want exclusivity at this point. If he really wants exclusivity I'll probably say, let's wait a couple months before formalizing that, and thank you for asking, show me what exclusivity in its best case will feel like so I know what I'm agreeing to. Will I get parked on the sidelines suddenly, a sure thing? No thanks. :wink2:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> I think this was a very mature response.
> 
> You can't control someone, even if you gave an ultimatum he could just continue the undesirable behavior and lie to you.


I would kill myself before I would stoop to giving any other human being an ultimatum in order to keep him/her in a relationship with me. That's truly pathetic.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> Is this the bf that came back into your life after an injury? I was thinking that had ended....


Nope. He's an alcoholic. I think you can have a successful relationship with someone who's had a brain injury and is living independently. But, they kind of need to be there. Obsession with where the next drink is coming from is not my thing. I don't owe him at all. Had he not had the stroke (likely caused by heavy drinking at some point in his life, perhaps due to divorce a few years before I met him?) I would have found out about the alcohol sooner or later. If someone has a problem with alcohol, it's wrong to use a relationship to 'fix' it. That approach won't work, anyhow. So yah, I ended it, no issues, rather undramatic. He was not too brain damaged to take it like the sweet guy he is. We didn't even talk about it much, because it was kind of obvious. He pretty much said he was so engrained in his daily habits (pretty much nothing except aiming towards the drinking) he wouldn't miss me much if I decided to go my own way. That's sad. He will die soon. It was better for me to keep living and not get dragged down. I have kids, he cares/cared about them. 

This is why people date.


----------



## inarut

Homemaker ...I find your cool, cold , detached demenour interesting. It's smart but also mind bogglingly indifferent particularly when it comes to your son! Don't really give a **** about the possible boyfriend. I would think as smart as you are you could come up with a more loving ,mutually Amicable decision in regard to your son and and his wedding! Im assuming the POS you are wanting to avoid is your sons FATHER !i would think you should be able to understand that this is his FATHER regardless of what he did to you it's not his fault and you can't blame him for still loving his other parent. If you're not happy with the accommodations your son can provide then make your own! For Christ's sake go to your sons wedding !!!!!! He is what. 25??? He's making mistakes ??? Wow what a shocker ! Do set boundaries and expectations but OMG are you EXTREME !!!


----------



## inarut

Oh and by the way I LOVED the line about looking like you've come off the set of the movie deliverance!!! Hysterical!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Grrr! I would have thought women in general are better at picking up signals, seems some refuse to understand how fluttering at someone who's not interested in them is not flattering, but annoying and makes one feel very uncomfortable! Bah!

Meh... /end random vent


----------



## tripad

Wish i could do the fluttering trick .

Never fluttered .


----------



## optimalprimus

ne9907 said:


> I am sorry this happened to you TooNice.
> What are you looking for in a partner? Do you want a relationship or just sex?
> Somone mentioned a rule book, yes create one. Also, if you are looking for a committed relationship, I would suggest holding off on sex until the person gets to know you. Sex too early tends to bring out a lot of unreal feelings.
> Most men will tell you that they do not care if a woman has sex with them too early, but trust me, they need to feel you are worth their time and chase. I dont make the rules, dont shoot me.
> I will even go as far as say that any man who has sex on a first or second date with woman and choses to be in a relationship with her is a desperate man. I am not talking about women being easy. I am talking about respecting yourself and being careful of WHO you chose to sleep with. You are strong, not everyone deserves your beautiful self.
> On the other hand, if all you are looking for is sex, then go for it.


Can i just say that as a man i think this is totally wrong. People of good character don't have double standards of any kind. The men who judge you because you have sex (with them) are frankly not worth an iota of your time or emotion.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

inarut said:


> Homemaker ...I find your cool, cold , detached demenour interesting. It's smart but also mind bogglingly indifferent particularly when it comes to your son! Don't really give a **** about the possible boyfriend. I would think as smart as you are you could come up with a more loving ,mutually Amicable decision in regard to your son and and his wedding! Im assuming the POS you are wanting to avoid is your sons FATHER !i would think you should be able to understand that this is his FATHER regardless of what he did to you it's not his fault and you can't blame him for still loving his other parent. If you're not happy with the accommodations your son can provide then make your own! For Christ's sake go to your sons wedding !!!!!! He is what. 25??? He's making mistakes ??? Wow what a shocker ! Do set boundaries and expectations but OMG are you EXTREME !!!


Have you ever had the **** kicked out of you twice by the same person in your own house? Counseling with this person didn't work.

If you over-ride your body's desire to avoid a source of stress you are looking for some major sanity issues. I guess also you have never ended up in an emergency department curled up in a sobbing mass of hysterical humanity because you've been verbally attacked by someone violent and threatening. You really want me to expose myself to that?

Plus, you are assuming my son loves his father. He doesn't. He is trying to match his bride's family by putting on a show. He wants people to play roles. Any time he deals with his father he has been whining, pissing and moaning. There is no love there. There is a desire to have a different father, he is playing Russian Roulette, trying for something high stakes with extremely low odds. I feel bad for him. But, he does not love his father. He just wants to have more family there as his bride has a huge family. He's a little out of touch with reality. He's made mistakes like this in the past. He should accept the love he has from his bride's family and call it good. He can do whatever he likes, I have done loads for him including trying to foster a relationship with his dad, in fact if it weren't for me his father would not have seen him, he started visiting once a year but only at age 10. That was because of me. I wanted him to know his father, I didn't talk about him at all badly. He made his own judgement, hated the visits, always the drinking, etc. They gave him money and sent him on the streets to entertain himself...in China. A kid...red haired, kidnapping risk... oh boy.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

inarut said:


> Homemaker ...I find your cool, cold , detached demenour interesting. It's smart but also mind bogglingly indifferent particularly when it comes to your son! Don't really give a **** about the possible boyfriend. I would think as smart as you are you could come up with a more loving ,mutually Amicable decision in regard to your son and and his wedding! Im assuming the POS you are wanting to avoid is your sons FATHER !i would think you should be able to understand that this is his FATHER regardless of what he did to you it's not his fault and you can't blame him for still loving his other parent. If you're not happy with the accommodations your son can provide then make your own! For Christ's sake go to your sons wedding !!!!!! He is what. 25??? He's making mistakes ??? Wow what a shocker ! Do set boundaries and expectations but OMG are you EXTREME !!!


If I were as cold and detached as you believe me to be, do you honestly think I would be online writing about this to strangers?


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Grrr! I would have thought women in general are better at picking up signals, seems some refuse to understand how fluttering at someone who's not interested in them is not flattering, but annoying and makes one feel very uncomfortable! Bah!
> 
> Meh... /end random vent


But it's still appropriate to flutter at someone who IS interested, right? :wink2:


----------



## TooNice

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If I were as cold and detached as you believe me to be, do you honestly think I would be online writing about this to strangers?


TBH, I don't know a whole lot about your story, homemaker. Just tidbits I've picked up on this forum. But I feel like you have tried to do your best to make decisions that are best for your family, and for you. And as a mom, I'm going to guess that some of those decisions were very difficult. I can't begin to understand what would go into deciding to not attend your child's wedding. I assumed you have good reason.

My abuse was a different kind, and I think often about future life events and having to be in a room with the OW. I can manage to play civil with my ex, but I truly dread the day when I have to be in a room with HER. And it makes me sad for my son that it has to be a factor. (Unless a great deal changes, I'd be surprised to even be invited when my SD gets married.) 

Anyway, my point is that we all have our circumstances that lead us to the things we have to do. I wish your circumstances were different, but I respect what you feel you had to do, and I hope your son does, too.


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> But it's still appropriate to flutter at someone who IS interested, right? :wink2:


Well if that lady I saw recently fluttered at me... then 

*sigh*

Though knowing myself I would probably still vent about "Bah! Butterflies!" instead of complaining about flutters.


----------



## bkyln309

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I saw my boyfriend is still on Match.
> He asked me to unplug his phone to plug mine in to charge and he had a message from Match when I unplugged his phone.
> I'd told him I took my profile down because I didn't like being on Match. I sent him my phone number before I did that, that's how he called me and took me out. Then we started dating and things have been going well.
> But I told him now I made my profile active again because I like to have things equal in our relationship, and if he is going to consider his options, I will too, and if we think we are done looking at options we can discuss that later.
> I told him I don't want to pry and if I want to know something I'll ask him directly, in person, and he can do the same.
> That as he said, a healthy relationship takes two people on the same page and it takes effort, and is not always easy.
> 
> I think that was a good way of handling things.
> 
> I didn't want him to think I'm some kind of pushover, I also don't want him to think I'm the kind of person who will stupidly put all my eggs in one basket and just say, oh, it's okay if you're looking around. Because if he's looking around, certainly he should understand why I would need to as well. It's not personal, except personal in that I'm looking out for myself. Doesn't change the way I feel about the time we spend together, at all. He's a nice guy, I enjoy being with him, we relate well to each other. I'm still figuring out some things about him and letting the concerns just sit there under observation until I can get more information (mainly about his impulse contro/decision making in finances, his long-term work habits, his day to day coherency...I think some long-term bachelors really have issues with day to day coherency...dude, it's Tuesday. Monday came and went, lol.)
> 
> I'm a present minded person. The future is shaped by the decisions you make today, but pretty much you have to live in the present reality that you've created...
> 
> I felt like this was the right thing to do. No ultimatum, just is what it is. This is the status quo, this is how it will be until it changes. Change needs to come from action, not words. I'm good with that.



I think you handled it well. I still have my profiles up because I have friends who I chat with through the app. But at the top of my profile it says NOT DATING. And my "older man" still has his Match membership up to date. 

And I am sorry about your child's wedding. I cant imagine missing it so it must be a very bad place for you to decide that. I am sorry.


----------



## TooNice

Having a bit of a chuckle today. Was seeing a guy a bit over the winter that I posted about some here. I had been a little uncomfortable with the amount of overlap we had in our life circles, but we got along well, and I enjoyed our time together. 

As a result of some of that overlap, I was privy to some info I wouldn't have had otherwise. And I decided I was better off when he drifted away. 

Today, he sent me a friend request on social media. Wth? So, I texted a good friend with a mutual connection...and learned that he just broke up with a girlfriend. Ah...

Yeah, I'm gonna let that friend request hang out there for a bit. Lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Having a bit of a chuckle today. Was seeing a guy a bit over the winter that I posted about some here. I had been a little uncomfortable with the amount of overlap we had in our life circles, but we got along well, and I enjoyed our time together.
> 
> As a result of some of that overlap, I was privy to some info I wouldn't have had otherwise. And I decided I was better off when he drifted away.
> 
> Today, he sent me a friend request on social media. Wth? So, I texted a good friend with a mutual connection...and learned that he just broke up with a girlfriend. Ah...
> 
> Yeah, I'm gonna let that friend request hang out there for a bit. Lol.


Ha ha ha... someone is fishing


----------



## SARAHMCD

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He wanted to talk about being exclusive but I said we could talk about that later. For the moment, the status quo is that we have active online dating profiles and whatever that might imply, both on- and off-line. I'm good with that.
> 
> I want a good relationship more than I want exclusivity at this point. If he really wants exclusivity I'll probably say, let's wait a couple months before formalizing that, and thank you for asking, show me what exclusivity in its best case will feel like so I know what I'm agreeing to. Will I get parked on the sidelines suddenly, a sure thing? No thanks. :wink2:


I am personally struggling with this whole "exclusive" idea. So you consider him, and call him your boyfriend, and I'm presuming you are having sex. Yet you're ok with him dating and possibly sleeping with other people? And he's good with you doing the same? Unless you're actually poly (I'm assuming you are not), I don't understand how this is possibly ok. 

To me, being exclusive simply means "I'm concentrating on you right now, let's see where it takes us". It doesn't mean I'm moving in with him next week or even agreeing to see each other x number of times per week. It just means, let's date, let's make it just us (no sleeping around, no looking around), baby steps, and see. It could last 2 weeks, it could last 3 months, it could turn into something serious. 

Why are people so afraid of being monogamous? Are they afraid if they "put all their eggs in one basket" for a few weeks that they might miss out on that one, perfect profile that could possibly pop up in their inbox during that time? Or is it something else?


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha... someone is fishing


Indeed! My friend who thinks I'm picky will likely take issue with this, but I'm not going to take the bait. 
While I did like the guy, I will not be somebody's Plan B.


----------



## TooNice

SARAHMCD said:


> To me, being exclusive simply means "I'm concentrating on you right now, let's see where it takes us". It doesn't mean I'm moving in with him next week or even agreeing to see each other x number of times per week. It just means, let's date, let's make it just us (no sleeping around, no looking around), baby steps, and see. It could last 2 weeks, it could last 3 months, it could turn into something serious.
> 
> Why are people so afraid of being monogamous? Are they afraid if they "put all their eggs in one basket" for a few weeks that they might miss out on that one, perfect profile that could possibly pop up in their inbox during that time? Or is it something else?


I can't speak for HNU's situation, but overall, I think you are spot on. I haven't been in a situation to have this talk yet, but when it does happen, I picture exactly what you described. Baby steps. And see what happens. And part of that for me, will mean no interaction on dating sites. We decide to focus on each other to see where things go without external distraction.

Until I meet that guy, I definitely assume we are both seeing other people.


----------



## SARAHMCD

TooNice said:


> I can't speak for HNU's situation, but overall, I think you are spot on. I haven't been in a situation to have this talk yet, but when it does happen, I picture exactly what you described. Baby steps. And see what happens. And part of that for me, will mean no interaction on dating sites. We decide to focus on each other to see where things go without external distraction.
> 
> Until I meet that guy, I definitely assume we are both seeing other people.


How long do you assume you are both seeing other people? Until you sleep with him? I'm just curious what the "norm" is these days. Obviously its different for everyone. I'm just trying to get feedback here. 
For me, I know if I'm really into someone enough to "want to see where it goes" by date 4-5. Otherwise, I wouldn't still be dating them. And this would include having sex with them at this point. Is that too soon to be "exclusive"?


----------



## TooNice

SARAHMCD said:


> How long do you assume you are both seeing other people? Until you sleep with him? I'm just curious what the "norm" is these days. Obviously its different for everyone. I'm just trying to get feedback here.
> For me, I know if I'm really into someone enough to "want to see where it goes" by date 4-5. Otherwise, I wouldn't still be dating them. And this would include having sex with them at this point. Is that too soon to be "exclusive"?


Personally, I'd assume there are likely others until the "talk" occurs. Even if sex is in the picture. (Not to imply one or both parties are sleeping with multiple people, to be clear. Seeing other people could simply refer to a coffee date after a nice online chat.) 

For me, it has to do with connection. There is a man I've been talking with at a local hangout for a few months now. We'd like to see where things go, but haven't even been on a date yet. When we do sit down and talk over what we are looking for, I like him enough already that I'd put other dating options on hold to see what happens. Otherwise, I would think 4-5 dates would be reasonable. I think this is all very individual, though!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> Personally, I'd assume there are likely others until the "talk" occurs. Even if sex is in the picture. (Not to imply one or both parties are sleeping with multiple people, to be clear. Seeing other people could simply refer to a coffee date after a nice online chat.)
> 
> For me, it has to do with connection. There is a man I've been talking with at a local hangout for a few months now. We'd like to see where things go, but haven't even been on a date yet. When we do sit down and talk over what we are looking for,* I like him enough already that I'd put other dating options on hold to see what happens. *Otherwise, I would think 4-5 dates would be reasonable. I think this is all very individual, though!


Or not. Many times when you click with someone through chatting online or the phone, you meet, and there is ZERO connection in person! :wink2:


----------



## TooNice

Oh, we see each other in person regularly! I KNOW there's a connection.  We have simply been taking our time and waiting for our schedules to slow down so we can have a proper date.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> I can't speak for HNU's situation, but overall, I think you are spot on. I haven't been in a situation to have this talk yet, but when it does happen, I picture exactly what you described. Baby steps. And see what happens. And part of that for me, will mean no interaction on dating sites. We decide to focus on each other to see where things go without external distraction.
> 
> Until I meet that guy, I definitely assume we are both seeing other people.


Agree with both of you here. Like Sarah said, exclusive doesn't mean you're engaged to get married next week. Just that you like each other enough and want to see where it goes, slowly. It doesn't even necessarily mean that you start using BF anf GF either (though you could if that's the way you discussed it).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SARAHMCD said:


> I am personally struggling with this whole "exclusive" idea. So you consider him, and call him your boyfriend, and I'm presuming you are having sex. Yet you're ok with him dating and possibly sleeping with other people? And he's good with you doing the same? Unless you're actually poly (I'm assuming you are not), I don't understand how this is possibly ok.
> 
> To me, being exclusive simply means "I'm concentrating on you right now, let's see where it takes us". It doesn't mean I'm moving in with him next week or even agreeing to see each other x number of times per week. It just means, let's date, let's make it just us (no sleeping around, no looking around), baby steps, and see. It could last 2 weeks, it could last 3 months, it could turn into something serious.
> 
> Why are people so afraid of being monogamous? Are they afraid if they "put all their eggs in one basket" for a few weeks that they might miss out on that one, perfect profile that could possibly pop up in their inbox during that time? Or is it something else?


I honestly don't know if I'd be okay with him dating and what not with other people. Maybe he doesn't know either. But I figured I'd be open-minded about it and focus more on what works for me and feels okay. It didn't feel as though I was moving out of any kind of comfort zone on just saying, hey, if you're looking at options, I'm okay with that. It does give me a certain freedom to look around at my own options. Except, I went on line this morning to look at my options and was looking at my connections and his profile was hidden. What!!!!!!

Anyhow, when I was younger I didn't get all worried about who was dating who or whatever. And I didn't worry about dating different people. I wasn't interested in marriage at that time, just having fun. I'm not sure what I'm interested in now. I guess having fun but also being connected. It's probably unreasonable to expect one person to be there for you on a family-bonded level just at the level of dating (vs. major commitment, engagement, marriage). While it would be great to find someone who wants to spend time with me, and was truly interested in dating for long-term, with an interest in step-parenting my kids through their adolescence and young adulthood, moving to my town, making a home, etc. That's so going to need a miracle. Now, I've had loads of miracles in my life, but I'm sure God and all the saints won't get bent out of joint if I have a plan B which is to connect and have fun and burn off whatever sexual energy I have in the process.

I can't speak for anyone else, including this boyfriend. I think he's a little confused about what he wants, and honestly, how can someone know exactly what they want, because maybe until they meet a unique partner with whom they have a unique relationship, they're not aware of all of the possibilities they might not even know about. 

I'm dedicated to being open minded and the reason is because my old way of thinking and behaving clearly didn't work for me. So I'm sticking with what feels right without insisting to others that it IS right. I'm always listening to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings but also trust other people to ASK for what they want if they want it, and to communicate any issues to me. I do the same. I'm going to make mistakes, but here's the thing, I've been making mistakes already doing what I thought was right with my old engrained ways of thinking and rule-following. I've made some major mistakes in commitment. So I need to reframe my ideas about commitment.

I just spent yesterday's work time with the woman I mentor, disentangling her from a relationship where she overcommitted due to some sense of rules/loyalty/personal perception, etc. And it's a relationship that will be damaging to her, personally and career-wise. We have a date this Sunday with our kids. My work is a little weird, in that there is a whole lot of caring going on under all the professional roll up sleeves and produce quality work....

I had a research meeting yesterday with my research partner and he gave me a free session on my son's wedding issues. He's aware of the extreme stress reaction when I was curled up in a little ball in the corner of the ER a few years ago, whimpering and in an advanced stage of active whimpering and really, really cold and shivering, just nearly out of my mind with fright. My basic fear of going to the wedding is ending up like that in the middle of nowhere with my kids. And then having to deal with the aftermath. I'm not going to let that happen.

There's a lot to be said for exposure therapy...but here's the bottom line. It's ridiculous to take exposure therapy in order to convince your brain to take your living breathing organism with your soul inside and over-ride your basic survival instincts to expose yourself to something that you fled from for good reason. That's really, really bad science. Remember that saying, do no harm? No therapist in their right mind would try to train me to re-expose myself to an abuser. That sort of therapy is for situations where the threat is only PERCEIVED and NOT REAL. Or for things like, you gotta go to work, but some guy brushed against you on the subway...and now you're not going to work. Or you don't want to go cycling cause a tree branch might fall on you. Not, hey, lets play nice nice with a guy who beat the crap out of you, twice....

My life is weird. Only in my life could I see a nice psychiatrist, get counseling for a problem so quickly, and also be able to bill the guy for his time...he had a pumpkin donut for me too, and a 4-year work contract. I'm spoiled. 

Then I paid everything forward to my mentee. She's had it worse than me. I suspect that's why I was asked to mentor her, but we have yet to figure it out. I get paid to do that too but we're friends now, regardless. 

I think miracles do happen. A person just has to be open-minded about what kind of truck is going to pull up and deliver the goods. It's better to follow intuition vs. some kind of unproven logic in an evolving and uncertain world.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I honestly don't know if I'd be okay with him dating and what not with other people. Maybe he doesn't know either. But I figured I'd be open-minded about it and focus more on what works for me and feels okay. It didn't feel as though I was moving out of any kind of comfort zone on just saying, hey, if you're looking at options, I'm okay with that. It does give me a certain freedom to look around at my own options. Except, I went on line this morning to look at my options and was looking at my connections and his profile was hidden. What!!!!!!
> 
> Anyhow, when I was younger I didn't get all worried about who was dating who or whatever. And I didn't worry about dating different people. I wasn't interested in marriage at that time, just having fun. I'm not sure what I'm interested in now. I guess having fun but also being connected. It's probably unreasonable to expect one person to be there for you on a family-bonded level just at the level of dating (vs. major commitment, engagement, marriage). While it would be great to find someone who wants to spend time with me, and was truly interested in dating for long-term, with an interest in step-parenting my kids through their adolescence and young adulthood, moving to my town, making a home, etc. That's so going to need a miracle. Now, I've had loads of miracles in my life, but I'm sure God and all the saints won't get bent out of joint if I have a plan B which is to connect and have fun and burn off whatever sexual energy I have in the process.
> 
> I can't speak for anyone else, including this boyfriend. I think he's a little confused about what he wants, and honestly, how can someone know exactly what they want, because maybe until they meet a unique partner with whom they have a unique relationship, they're not aware of all of the possibilities they might not even know about.
> 
> I'm dedicated to being open minded and the reason is because my old way of thinking and behaving clearly didn't work for me. So I'm sticking with what feels right without insisting to others that it IS right. I'm always listening to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings but also trust other people to ASK for what they want if they want it, and to communicate any issues to me. I do the same. I'm going to make mistakes, but here's the thing, I've been making mistakes already doing what I thought was right with my old engrained ways of thinking and rule-following. I've made some major mistakes in commitment. So I need to reframe my ideas about commitment.
> 
> I just spent yesterday's work time with the woman I mentor, disentangling her from a relationship where she overcommitted due to some sense of rules/loyalty/personal perception, etc. And it's a relationship that will be damaging to her, personally and career-wise. We have a date this Sunday with our kids. My work is a little weird, in that there is a whole lot of caring going on under all the professional roll up sleeves and produce quality work....
> 
> I had a research meeting yesterday with my research partner and he gave me a free session on my son's wedding issues. He's aware of the extreme stress reaction when I was curled up in a little ball in the corner of the ER a few years ago, whimpering and in an advanced stage of active whimpering and really, really cold and shivering, just nearly out of my mind with fright. My basic fear of going to the wedding is ending up like that in the middle of nowhere with my kids. And then having to deal with the aftermath. I'm not going to let that happen.
> 
> There's a lot to be said for exposure therapy...but here's the bottom line. It's ridiculous to take exposure therapy in order to convince your brain to take your living breathing organism with your soul inside and over-ride your basic survival instincts to expose yourself to something that you fled from for good reason. That's really, really bad science. Remember that saying, do no harm? No therapist in their right mind would try to train me to re-expose myself to an abuser. That sort of therapy is for situations where the threat is only PERCEIVED and NOT REAL. Or for things like, you gotta go to work, but some guy brushed against you on the subway...and now you're not going to work. Or you don't want to go cycling cause a tree branch might fall on you. Not, hey, lets play nice nice with a guy who beat the crap out of you, twice....
> 
> My life is weird. Only in my life could I see a nice psychiatrist, get counseling for a problem so quickly, and also be able to bill the guy for his time...he had a pumpkin donut for me too, and a 4-year work contract. I'm spoiled.
> 
> Then I paid everything forward to my mentee. She's had it worse than me. I suspect that's why I was asked to mentor her, but we have yet to figure it out. I get paid to do that too but we're friends now, regardless.
> 
> I think miracles do happen. A person just has to be open-minded about what kind of truck is going to pull up and deliver the goods. It's better to follow intuition vs. some kind of unproven logic in an evolving and uncertain world.


HNO, 
I get how your personal experience makes you very leery about trusting someone again. You are afraid of committing too much, too soon. So to you, and correct me if I'm wrong, exclusively dating means you're now a couple, that you expect them to attend family functions with you, that you expect them to be there for you when you're sick (vice, versa), that you are planning a future together. 
That would scare me too after only a few dates- its too much too soon. 

When I say exclusive, all I mean is lets just not see other people for the near future. Let's go out, have fun, take it slow. It does not mean we're using the terms boyfriend/girlfriend just yet. It just means "we're dating" and "exclusively" is tied on the end of that. It doesn't mean I consider him my plus 1 for functions or events. It doesn't mean I'm ready to introduce him to my family or friends necessarily. It doesn't even mean I expect him to be available every Saturday night. It just means, don't have sex with anyone else and don't be trolling for anyone else. Just focus on us in the short term. 

Honestly, before internet dating, I don't remember anyone dating more than one person while they were sleeping with someone. You dated, you saw where that went, you broke up if they just weren't right for you. You moved on to the next "candidate". One at a time. I'm not sure when or how that changed. Perhaps its because with OLD people have so many more options available to them now. 

I'm getting it now though. People can view the word "exclusive" very differently.


----------



## bkyln309

Im facing this same question. I have been dating my older man for almost 8 months. We have never had the exclusivity talk. But I dont think he is dating anyone else and I havent been as every free day I have without the kids is spent together. And we text and talk every day (most days several times a day). I really am not sure he is in it for the long haul. I think he wants to keep things as they are for now. The relationship is good so it makes it very difficult to just cut and run. I have no other prospects. But I do look online though I dont act on it. I go back and forth about ending it but like I said its good but I am not sure I see a future with the man.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SARAHMCD said:


> HNO,
> So to you, and correct me if I'm wrong, exclusively dating means you're now a couple, that you expect them to attend family functions with you, that you expect them to be there for you when you're sick (vice, versa), that you are planning a future together.
> That would scare me too after only a few dates- its too much too soon.
> 
> Honestly, before internet dating, I don't remember anyone dating more than one person while they were sleeping with someone. You dated, you saw where that went, you broke up if they just weren't right for you. You moved on to the next "candidate". One at a time. I'm not sure when or how that changed. Perhaps its because with OLD people have so many more options available to them now.
> 
> I'm getting it now though. People can view the word "exclusive" very differently.


Hell no, that's definitely not what I mean by exclusive. Exclusive is like okay, let's agree to be sexually exclusive, and also to plan the next date and stick to it, and keep in touch every day, etc. i.e. grow closer together. I need my space. Especially at home and with my kids and my work. No planning the future together, in fact, I correct guys when even say the word marriage...it definitely doesn't belong in any conversation I'm having right now. I don't even like it if someone talks about doing something out of season, such as skiing, when it's barely done with hiking season. My planning for relationships only goes into the next week or two, whenever my kids will be away. 

I don't have any family functions as it's just me and my kids. Now 2 vs. 3 I guess, from the looks of things. I don't even want a guy to be hanging with me in my town. Not come to my house and I don't want to go to his place either. Meet somewhere else, if you want to sleep together, let's get a room somewhere nice, go hike or ski and hang out there. I hate seeing a guy's place. I'm just not interested in seeing some guy's bathroom or sleeping in his bed. That's me. And I don't want a guy in my space either. Been there, done that, no thanks. This space is mine, and my kids.

Not sure when you started dating but having casual sex is pretty common behavior for young people any time after birth control became available. I think also guys have been doing this more openly, and getting slapped on the back for it, whereas women just got ridiculed. It depends on the country though, in Iceland it's pretty common behavior, nobody gets judged at all for it. It's not even common to go out on a date unless you're already a couple, and you know you're a couple if you hang around for breakfast and coffee.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bkyln309 said:


> Im facing this same question. I have been dating my older man for almost 8 months. We have never had the exclusivity talk. But I dont think he is dating anyone else and I havent been as every free day I have without the kids is spent together. And we text and talk every day (most days several times a day). I really am not sure he is in it for the long haul. I think he wants to keep things as they are for now. The relationship is good so it makes it very difficult to just cut and run. I have no other prospects. But I do look online though I dont act on it. I go back and forth about ending it but like I said its good but I am not sure I see a future with the man.


I would feel absolutely smothered. What would you do if you wanted to act on another interest. For me, the several times a day would feel like a huge obligation (or someone checking up on me) and the 100% free time would be so restrictive. What if I genuinely just wanted to go to a movie by myself...or did not feel like planning the day but leaving it open to whatever I happened to want to do on that day?

Not saying what you're doing is in any way wrong, just highlighting the differences. This is kind of interesting as a process.

I probably won't continue to date this guy for other reasons. Some red flags. I think he's having financial issues because of some mental health issues he's skirting around and is looking for someone to buy into his financial plans. Not really interested in getting into the murky depths of anything...

Still, this did get me to thinking about online profile presence while dating. Like it or not, guys get on and look to see when you're on, and ladies do the same thing. I guess I just don't care. Maybe if I was married or seriously partnered with a guy I would care, but I'm not, so I don't have to care.

I updated my profile so it's clear I'm looking for a weekend partner to travel with locally (in my state) to ski, bike, hike some of the weekends my kids are away for 'fun romance' with the possibility of some vacation time together further afield, shared expenses, no Sugar Daddy arrangement for me. 

I'm sure a lot of guys won't want to be sharing expenses somewhere just to get laid...so maybe that will weed out the players, and also weed out men who want to invade my home life and finances (not going to happen) and weed out guys who are big talkers about 'someday let's do this' vs. ok, let's decide on when and where and make a definite plan. That's my pet peeve, people who go on and on and on about what they've done in the past and what they're going to do in the future...but in the short term all they deliver is grand intentions and excuses. Like the guy who says he really needs to detail his car, because it's a pit. Yup, it's a pit. Maybe you should have detailed it before the date. Just accept the fact that you're a slob and don't even mention it. Cause saying you should have detailed it or that you're going to is not the same as actually having detailed it.


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! Anyone know how to add a frost/ice special FX on Movie Maker? Daughter and I have been having problems editing our little movie -.-

(And don't ask who my daughter is playing... *sigh*)

She really wanted to finish it so she can show mum tomorrow but oh well...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Bah! Anyone know how to add a frost/ice special FX on Movie Maker? Daughter and I have been having problems editing our little movie -.-
> 
> (And don't ask who my daughter is playing... *sigh*)
> 
> She really wanted to finish it so she can show mum tomorrow but oh well...


I asked my nerdy kids who have been to film camp and make their own movies, using this software (and others, I suppose) and they didn't know. 

I think you might have to get creative. Possibly using a lens filter or a custom editing/painting/spray tool that's made out of an image with the sort of effect you want. And then decide how often it needs to be applied to frames in order for the viewer's brain to incorporate it. I try not to get too involved in the film making, you're a better man than I am. It seems to take loads of patience and time...I reserve most of my painstaking detail energy for work.


----------



## RandomDude

Or make something like an animated GIF and somehow add it to the clip? Ah hell too complex, might just pay someone to do it on freelancer sites.

Bah! Next time, I shouldn't tell my daughter we're going to do something that I'm not qualified to do. I really underestimated the task. Oh well at least we had some fun, daughter did anyway.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> Or make something like an animated GIF and somehow add it to the clip? Ah hell too complex, might just pay someone to do it on freelancer sites.
> 
> Bah! Next time, I shouldn't tell my daughter we're going to do something that I'm not qualified to do. I really underestimated the task. Oh well at least we had some fun, daughter did anyway.


Keep plugging away at it and finish the video sometime later. Teach her that some things are worth learning even if you don't figure them out the first time.


----------



## RandomDude

Not sure if I would consider this worth learning really, I don't have the time nor interest, just want to keep her happy. But now I have to finish it just out of bloody principle... bah!

Still I'm sure I can ask a few favors... or pay a freelancer to do it, I'll learn bits and pieces in the process while getting it done (and professionally) so win/win. Bah I dunno, then it wouldn't really be a daddy/daughter thing would it? The accomplishment tainted by outside help!

BAH!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Not sure if I would consider this worth learning really, I don't have the time nor interest, just want to keep her happy. But now I have to finish it just out of bloody principle... bah!
> 
> Still I'm sure I can ask a few favors... or pay a freelancer to do it, I'll learn bits and pieces in the process while getting it done (and professionally) so win/win. Bah I dunno, then it wouldn't really be a daddy/daughter thing would it? The accomplishment tainted by outside help!
> 
> BAH!


You two could go to a film class together. My kids loved film camp. They're sooooo patient when it comes to making films. They've made some hilarious stop motion, you can do really fun things with silly putty and clay in terms of the figures... For some of the props they use hand-drawn and colored images. So for a fire, they have a drawing of a fire. But then they do weird things like set the paper drawing on fire, and film that too. hahahahaha.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

My woman friend who's a single mom looked at my new Match profile today and thought it was very nice, friendly, personable, and accurate. Mostly it states that I'd like a friend for weekend adventures such as skiing, kayaking, bicycling, road trips with shared expenses and a bit of romance. That I want to remain single and keep my home life separate until my kids are out of high school. 

But one guy said I seemed like a player! 
He'd put up bad poetry and I emailed him something about it, it was some super-angsty thing about a seagull that had feelings with loads of wet feathers and was alone. That's ALL he had up, no real profile. I said the seagull needed to get out more with its friends to go to the movies, or something. The only reason I even emailed was because the guy had my zip code in his profile, and we're in a small town and he'd viewed my profile, so I thought to defuse some creeper/player by making a comment and feeling him out. Well, I felt him out all right. 

He got pissed because he said he had to spend $100 to read my email. I think he was even more pissed because I'm from the same town he's in, and he relocated here from the city and he can't afford to date for some reason. This is kind of a pricey town to live in, particularly for a retiree, but whatever. $100 will get two nice meals, and that's if you're going Dutch. I told him, I'm not responsible for how you spend your money. Date within your budget. He was saying I owed him because he spent money to read my email. Dude! A lot of guys move up here from the 'big city' and think that the locals are poor souls who are just dying for some culture and that 'big city' origins are some kind of trump card. 

A few guys now have 'private' profiles after a couple of brief emails. 
I guess they wanted a bootie call girlfriend, but framed in the 'let's have cozy nights in watching tv and cooking together' vs.
yah, I really want to go skiing and that's cool you're going to pay your own way, I'll show up with my share of cash in my pocket too. 

I have achieved success in equality of dating.
Too funny!!!!!!!!

I'm going to stick with my plan of going places on my free weekends, companion or not. 
Not into the meetup thing. 

Just got stalked yesterday at my son's Rubik Cube meet and it was unpleasant. 
Got rid of him and he stalked another woman.
After she told him to kiss off, he paced the room for a while, then noticed we happened to be sitting together and he came over and tried the creeper/stalker thing on both of us. OMG. 

She thought he had poor social skills and that was it, but this is like the 4th time the guy has tried to stalk me and he never approaches males, only women who are sitting engaged in a book or knitting or something like that. I think he entraps women with long winded conversations that are really boring and then gets erections from the power of holding a woman captive in a public space. He got really agitated when we cut him off. A normal person would just take a hint and go find a group of guys to hang with, or read a book or something.


----------



## tripad

I got a few more " indecent proposals " to have sex . some more blunt some more tastefully presented . But all the same . trying to ask for a fuzk . a couple tried to convince me easy sex or ons is the way to heal myself ! Wtf !


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> I got a few more " indecent proposals " to have sex . some more blunt some more tastefully presented . But all the same . trying to ask for a fuzk . a couple tried to convince me easy sex or ons is the way to heal myself ! Wtf !


Wow. I'm so sorry for that.
Can you try eHarmony? I'm fairly certain they have subscribers in Singapore. I've had two matches there. One of them had a home near here in Quebec, and we corresponded for a bit. Apparently for the nice guys in Singapore, life is very, very lonely. They often have no way to meet decent women, even one decent woman. That was his biggest complaint. A really nice guy. He got lucky and met someone, even discussed this with me. Definitely not a player or sex-crazed cretin.

For myself, I've come to the conclusion that I need to manage my exposure to undesirable people saying undesirable stuff and filling my world with their nasty, weird, selfish, or cognitively scrambled input. I had been doing this to some extent but had not realized that once I give people an ear, I had not conversationally enforced boundaries on a consistent basis. This works both ways...of course. 

Also paying attention to the quality of environment when going out, or spending time somewhere. Choosing positive environments over neutral ones, etc. 

Then having a sense of humor when finding oneself having to deal with unpleasantness.... and getting out of there (literally or figuratively) as quickly as possible.


----------



## tripad

Let's try e harmony 

Really nice guy lonely in Singapore . hard to meet decent woman . 

I am facing the same problem . 

I think it is just the journey to meeting someone decent and along the way , there are many predators n prostitution targeting their prey .


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You two could go to a film class together. My kids loved film camp. They're sooooo patient when it comes to making films. They've made some hilarious stop motion, you can do really fun things with silly putty and clay in terms of the figures... For some of the props they use hand-drawn and colored images. So for a fire, they have a drawing of a fire. But then they do weird things like set the paper drawing on fire, and film that too. hahahahaha.


For her age? Nah, so far all I've seen is 9+



tripad said:


> I got a few more " indecent proposals " to have sex . some more blunt some more tastefully presented . But all the same . trying to ask for a fuzk .* a couple tried to convince me easy sex or ons is the way to heal myself ! Wtf *!


Haha!

Sexual healing baby! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjlSiASsUIs


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Where the hell has Jellybeans been??


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Bah! Anyone know how to add a frost/ice special FX on Movie Maker? Daughter and I have been having problems editing our little movie -.-
> 
> (And don't ask who my daughter is playing... *sigh*)
> 
> She really wanted to finish it so she can show mum tomorrow but oh well...


Check this out:

Sparkles For Windows Movie Maker Tutorial 
YouTube

It won't be perfect but it will work. And it seems fast.
The instructions are easy, I like the way the author just used music and flashed the instructions/tips on the screen to show how to do this. 

Sparkles, frost, what's the difference?
I think they are somewhat similar. And one could be made to look like the other.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Where the hell has Jellybeans been??


me thinks, Jelly found someone who can is ready for her jelly 
Wherever she is, I hope she is happy!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Check this out:
> 
> Sparkles For Windows Movie Maker Tutorial
> YouTube
> 
> It won't be perfect but it will work. And it seems fast.
> The instructions are easy, I like the way the author just used music and flashed the instructions/tips on the screen to show how to do this.
> 
> Sparkles, frost, what's the difference?
> I think they are somewhat similar. And one could be made to look like the other.


Thanks, now I just need to find a good FX video to overlay into my clip. Daughter and I may have to re-film though, I doubt I can get any FX working with our current clips.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Thanks, now I just need to find a good FX video to overlay into my clip. Daughter and I may have to re-film though, I doubt I can get any FX working with our current clips.



It's got to be easier than dating!
>


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Where the hell has Jellybeans been??


She and I are in touch off of TAM, but I haven't heard from her since August. I'll check in with her.


----------



## tripad

HM

FIP

I PM you


----------



## ne9907

I am going to share something. I have had a friend who is mostly just sex for a while, maybe five or six month. I have never considered him anything serious. Just a good friend.
Over the weekend, I went to see him. We are spending almost every weekend together. Anyway, we went to a neighbor's party and he got a bit drunk. I came back early, went to bed.
He woke up when he came in the bedroom, I was having a nightmare and was glad he was back. I told him about the nightmare and he began with "I do love you, and I dont appreciate you. I want you to know that if I could take the demons away from you, I would because you should not have any demons, I should have some, but not you." then he went on to rambling about how he does not want me to go to the desert and be away from him. My unit could possibly get deployed.... He is not an annoying drunk just caring I supposed. 
That is it. he will continue to be my really good friend...


----------



## tripad

An idiot ask me this on tinder. After texting me non stop n i didnt reply . cmon . i am a professional and he works as a low cost worker . said his wife passed n I just finally send him my regards . then ............he asked 

Do you want a sleep ?

I ask what is a sleep ? Thinking he has bad English . 

Then i figure out . he meant do you want a fuzk .


Wtf ?!!!!

Does sleep replace fuzk and it sounds more class ??? Wtf !!!!!!

I think I will take down my profile soon before they rub my photos on their **** . wtf !!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Tripad, a lot of people on Tinder are just looking for a hookup. I abandoned that one a long time ago. Occasionally, I'll go on and swipe for fun, but I expect that nothing will ever come from it.


----------



## tripad

Swiping was fun though 

But felt like I have thrown myself into a pool of sharks .

Didn't know it's for hook ups .

Seems like there's no decent place to meet people .

Think I will focus on my work and business and bring in more money . ?


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Tripad, a lot of people on Tinder are just looking for a hookup. I abandoned that one a long time ago. Occasionally, I'll go on and swipe for fun, but I expect that nothing will ever come from it.


Agreed. I've had a couple of nice dates on Tinder, but I expect most men are not there for relationships. That way I'm not surprised or disappointed.


----------



## SARAHMCD

I'm going totally out of my comfort zone with a first date this weekend. We've been chatting for a couple of weeks online. Unfortunately, there is a 4 hour drive between us. Not ideal obviously. 
This Saturday is Halloween and I haven't dressed up in at least 12-14 years. We've decided to meet at a city in between us for a late lunch and then join a pub crawl that starts anytime after 4 pm. I figure, even if we don't "connect" I'll still have a good time being part of the pub crawl. I've thought ahead and rented a hotel room since I don't want to worry about drinking and driving, although, I must curtail my drinking anyways considering its a first date. :wink2:

Whatever way it works out, I know I'll have fun and the next morning I can spend strolling the streets of a very pretty waterfront city. 

I'm very excited about it!

Anyone else have plans for Halloween?


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Swiping was fun though
> 
> But felt like I have thrown myself into a pool of sharks .
> 
> Didn't know it's for hook ups .
> 
> Seems like there's no decent place to meet people .
> 
> Think I will focus on my work and business and bring in more money . ?


It does have a bit of a reputation for that, but I think you can find serious people there. You just need to decide if you're willing to wade through the rest to find them! I just take it all at face value and am very up front when starting conversations. 

That said, I also deactivated my OkC account a few days ago. I'm burnt out.


----------



## TooNice

SARAHMCD said:


> Whatever way it works out, I know I'll have fun and the next morning I can spend strolling the streets of a very pretty waterfront city.
> 
> I'm very excited about it!
> 
> Anyone else have plans for Halloween?



Sounds fun either way, but good luck!

No plans here...just laying low.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> It does have a bit of a reputation for that, but I think you can find serious people there. You just need to decide if you're willing to wade through the rest to find them! I just take it all at face value and am very up front when starting conversations.
> 
> That said, I also deactivated my OkC account a few days ago. I'm burnt out.


I'm thinking about doing that, too. I'm tired of getting messages from guys I'm not interested in, and only getting crickets from guys I matched with. WTF?

In related news, J-Dawg deactivated HIS OKC account. Not sure if that means anything? We shall see, I suppose.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hey, kids--checked in with Jellybeans. She's doing well, just has been busy and hasn't been on the TAM for a little while. She sends best wishes and love to everyone


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I'm thinking about doing that, too. I'm tired of getting messages from guys I'm not interested in, and only getting crickets from guys I matched with. WTF?


Ey? 'Tis life! Stars have a habit of not bloody aligning! Bah!

For me thankfully my sex drive seems to have plummeted approaching my 30s


----------



## tripad

Rd

Your sex drive plummet because you have no partner so you try not to think about sex , that's all .

At least that's it for me . 

Although I wonder if my drive will still be there when I have someone . 

Or maybe I should get an instrument to jeep the drive alive , lol


----------



## anewstart60

tripad said:


> An idiot ask me this on tinder. After texting me non stop n i didnt reply . cmon . i am a professional and he works as a low cost worker . said his wife passed n I just finally send him my regards . then ............he asked
> 
> Do you want a sleep ?
> 
> I ask what is a sleep ? Thinking he has bad English .
> 
> Then i figure out . he meant do you want a fuzk .
> 
> Wtf ?!!!!
> 
> Does sleep replace fuzk and it sounds more class ??? Wtf !!!!!!
> 
> I think I will take down my profile soon before they rub my photos on their **** . wtf !!!



I know this will get me flamed but .


Wow, you sure are full of yourself!


----------



## tripad

anewstart60 said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> An idiot ask me this on tinder. After texting me non stop n i didnt reply . cmon . i am a professional and he works as a low cost worker . said his wife passed n I just finally send him my regards . then ............he asked
> 
> Do you want a sleep ?
> 
> I ask what is a sleep ? Thinking he has bad English .
> 
> Then i figure out . he meant do you want a fuzk .
> 
> Wtf ?!!!!
> 
> Does sleep replace fuzk and it sounds more class ??? Wtf !!!!!!
> 
> I think I will take down my profile soon before they rub my photos on their **** . wtf !!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I know this will get me flamed but .
> 
> 
> Wow, you sure are full of yourself!
Click to expand...


It is a fact .

Don't think you can ever understand . so I guess you are not in that position to understand .

Yes I am a professional drawing upper range income . he makes , maybe from my guess , 10% of my income .

It is a fact of life . would you accept if you are me ? 

Places we eat , holiday , way we talk , behave , contents of our conversation , standard of living , houses n cars are all different . 

And I am a woman . I can't accept a man that far off from me. 

If I am a man , maybe the consideration is different , as traditionally , the man can see himself as a provider. 

Vice versa , if I meet Prince of England , I would probably think it is a mismatch as i dont understand the requirements of the royalty family . But being a male , he may see himself as alright to marry down .

If you can't understand or agree , it is fine . just don't read my post .

See other post , why are men threatened by smart woman . and even that , the disparity is not great , unlike what i am talking about here .


----------



## anewstart60

I'm pretty sure I can understand how this comes across to me. These may all be valid facts but you're "I'm too good for this guy" attitude is ****ty. People having success and money is fine but you don't have to put it in everyone's face that may not be as fortunate.
And I will continue to read whatever posts I like.


----------



## tripad

anewstart60 said:


> I'm pretty sure I can understand how this comes across to me. These may all be valid facts but you're "I'm too good for this guy" attitude is ****ty. People having success and money is fine but you don't have to put it in everyone's face that may not be as fortunate.
> And I will continue to read whatever posts I like.



i guess you didnt read the part where he ask me for a fuzk after I send him my regards for his wife's passing .

i cant be bothered what you read .

yes, i am too good for him , not because of the money . I was kind to response with a empathising note on his wife's passing . 

I am too good for him because of the character . I dont ask a person do u want a fuzk . wtf .


----------



## tripad

I am off to watch tv and have a drink in case i dont reply . It is not to back off from this stand .


----------



## anewstart60

OOOOOOOK then!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

anewstart60 said:


> I'm pretty sure I can understand how this comes across to me. These may all be valid facts but you're "I'm too good for this guy" attitude is ****ty. People having success and money is fine but you don't have to put it in everyone's face that may not be as fortunate.
> And I will continue to read whatever posts I like.


She's self-made in a country where both her ethnicity and gender make it a challenge to get where she is. Along with having a dead beat ex who took advantage of her financially, along with his family.

The way she encapsulated how it is might strike someone as being wrong if you take it out of context, but when it comes to reality and having a functioning relationship where she lives, she's right. And, she's not out to change the world, she's out to find something that works for her.

You can crucify her all you want, but the fact is, I think exactly the same way most days when I look at my Match email. Guys who basically just want to f*ck. And because you're a woman and a mom they think you have a pathetic life and will jump at the chance. Where I live, I'm not even well off...but there's a lot of mismatch that goes on between self-made, educated professional women who are raising kids and a laborer who wants to essentially be what amounts to a wh*re-man or worse to practice entrapment. My advice is to have the same attitude, and steer clear. 

Do not judge someone until you have walked their entire life in their shoes.

I married a guy who wasn't educated and a laborer, thinking he had a good heart because he did all the right things when we were dating. He turned out to be a malicious psychopath. 

Do not let anyone bully you into dating them by calling you elitist or telling you that you have a superior attitude. You don't owe your love energy to anyone but someone you feel attracted to. Maybe there's equality in access to education, health care, housing, public transportation, etc. But there's no such thing as accommodations in matters of the heart. It's an instinct thing, there's no need to give anyone a fair chance.


----------



## anewstart60

I didn't crucify anybody, I told it like I saw it. 
Her post that I commented on clearly states the guy was texting her non-stop and she wasn't responding because "cmon . i am a professional and he works as a low cost worker". She then talks about his wanting to fvck her after first making it seem like he obviously wasn't in her social class anyway. Had she left out the "cmon . i am a professional and he works as a low cost worker" comment placed at the beginning of her post it wouldn't look like it does.

And I'm not asking her to change the world and hopefully she finds whatever it is she's looking for but where I live this post of hers comes across as shallow.

And please keep in mind this is just my opinion, I have a right to state it.


----------



## bkyln309

I understand her point. I am a professional management level executive. When I am looking for potential mates, I am going to look for someone who is comparable to my lifestyle, attitudes and education. There is nothing wrong with that.


----------



## anewstart60

I don't think there is anything wrong with that either, I just wouldn't be condescending about it.


----------



## FeministInPink

I don't think she's being condescending. It may sound condescending to you, but English isn't tripad's first language. Give the lady a break.

Simmer down now, people. This is supposed to be a FUN thread where we talk about all our flirty, fun, sexy adventures after signing the divorce papers! I'm giving you all an assignment: go out, get drunk, and get laid!


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> Simmer down now, people. This is supposed to be a FUN thread where we talk about all our flirty, fun, sexy adventures after signing the divorce papers! I'm giving you all an assignment: go out, get drunk, and get laid!



Challenge accepted. 

I'm laying low over Halloween, going to be a Netflix and chill day with a lady friend. Wink wink

Then we are headed to Key West the following weekend. Life is good.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I don't think she's being condescending. It may sound condescending to you, but English isn't tripad's first language. Give the lady a break.
> 
> Simmer down now, people. This is supposed to be a FUN thread where we talk about all our flirty, fun, sexy adventures after signing the divorce papers! I'm giving you all an assignment: go out, get drunk, and get laid!


English is my first language .

Chinese is my second language .

Hokkien n Cantonese are other ethnic langauages I learn from family .


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> I understand her point. I am a professional management level executive. When I am looking for potential mates, I am going to look for someone who is comparable to my lifestyle, attitudes and education. There is nothing wrong with that.


Exactly


----------



## tripad

anewstart60 said:


> I don't think there is anything wrong with that either, I just wouldn't be condescending about it.


Condescending ?

Maybe .

N he deserves every bit for asking me for a fuzk after a few text . Tasteless .


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I don't think she's being condescending. It may sound condescending to you, but English isn't tripad's first language. Give the lady a break.
> 
> Simmer down now, people. This is supposed to be a FUN thread where we talk about all our flirty, fun, sexy adventures after signing the divorce papers! I'm giving you all an assignment: go out, get drunk, and get laid!


Thanks 

FIP

I am good .

Waiting for the day to announce I got laid with someone i am in a relationship with . lol .


----------



## tripad

Homemaker .

Hearing your story , it just reinforce my opinion not to marry anyone lesser than myself , so my partner won't be a " man whre " . 

Just realise another mummy I know is a single mum as well , with a double degree , medicine and law , first a doctor and now a lawyer . Tough for her to find anyone smarter . She's not looking . Husband died tragically .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Simmer down now, people. This is supposed to be a FUN thread where we talk about all our flirty, fun, sexy adventures after signing the divorce papers! I'm giving you all an assignment: go out, get drunk, and get laid!


Yah, I did that. The guy was fun enough for the one drunken backpacking trip in the wind and rain, but after that he flaked and eventually developed a case of delusional fleas. Put diatomaceous earth all over his 5 bedroom house and his two pathetic totally flea-less cats then proceeded to toast his vacuum cleaning the stuff up. Was seeing fleas where there weren't any. At the same time, he was trying to move his cats' litter box from basement to upstairs bedroom, AND change the type of litter box from traditional to some kind of new-age high-end litter that was self-cleaning. (Unless it's actually connected to a toilet, not sure how this is possible, somewhere there is cat litter and piss accumulating?) And I think you would have to actually be capable of remembering that you're supposed to empty it at some point :-| Anyhow, of course the cats caused all kinds of mess and trouble at the door to the basement. 

I should have paid more attention when he told me that when he was younger his parents took him to a psychiatrist to be checked out on account of his seeing a T-rex. I think maybe that was just one of the reasons...

And this was from the top end of the dating pool around here. Sometimes people just panic when they get close to another person. Obviously he was just completely overwhelmed by my awesomeness. :frown2: I offered to go to a psychiatrist with him to vouch for the fact that there were no fleas to be found anywhere in the house, on his cats, or on himself...but he declined. 

Oh, he claimed to have married a woman after only 5 weeks of dating and she took advantage of him financially by demanding a divorce and 100K after a short period of time, during which she apparently went to her boyfriend's house quite a bit. I bet there are two sides to that story. 

Just remember, when having drunken fun and sex, there is going to be a price to pay for it. The price might be dying of laughter, but you will pay it. No freeloadin'

OK, now I have contributed to this thread. Very truthfully.
It's a sad, sad world, but it's kinda funny too.

If it turns out got knocked up in the process and the ultrasound shows a flea, it's gonna meet the vacuum all right. If it's a T-Rex something is seriously wrong...because don't they hatch from eggs?


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> English is my first language .


You mean Singlish is 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p30khvWjXks


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> I'm giving you all an assignment: go out, get drunk, and get laid!



Sigh.

If only...


----------



## inarut

anewstart60 said:


> I don't think there is anything wrong with that either, I just wouldn't be condescending about it.


I'm going to get banned for this but so be it. Condescension is common place here you will come to find. TAM is a tight knit group and they are very attached to their beliefs. there is some good stuff here but a lot of BS holier than thou attitudes as well. I dont know how much you have read on this particular thread but you're hearing from (some) women who love attention from men and seek (so they say) friends with benefits relationships, no strings attached because their lives are too full and they're so sought after and busy they just dont know what they want or what will make them happy. Then they get mad because this friend with benefits doesn't treat them like a girlfriend. They end up chasing them, attaching strings and getting confused. 

I have to say tripad from the little I've read is not into that....friends with benefits that is but her comment and attitude is shallow and would turn off most men so it's not just you.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> English is my first language .
> 
> 
> 
> You mean Singlish is
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p30khvWjXks
Click to expand...

Lol

That's Singlish alright .

But no i speak British English as studied in school , but without the accent .


However , growing in a country where many older folks n lesser educated folks speak Singlish , I am fully capable of switching between English and Singlish , just so that I can be understood on the streets . 

Let me explain . after second war world and in Singapore , most ancestors are immigrants from nearby lands , China , India , Malaysia , Indonesia . Most , if not all , don't speak English or Mandarin .

Later years , English and Mandarin were taught in school . Smarter kids pick up n fly into the new and affluent world when we grow up . Like myself . 

The not as smart kids mixed up the dialect , mandarin and English language and it became English . being proficient in all these languages , I see how it evolve and I can switch between the languages easily . 

The badly mispronounced English are generally by the first or second generation who are totally uneducated , who had pick up a little English . Like as shown in your video . praises to them. 

If my text here consists of simple and short sentences, it's simply out of time constraints . lol . not bad language .


----------



## anewstart60

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees it.



inarut said:


> I'm going to get banned for this but so be it. Condescension is common place here you will come to find. TAM is a tight knit group and they are very attached to their beliefs. there is some good stuff here but a lot of BS holier than thou attitudes as well. I dont know how much you have read on this particular thread but you're hearing from (some) women who love attention from men and seek (so they say) friends with benefits relationships, no strings attached because their lives are too full and they're so sought after and busy they just dont know what they want or what will make them happy. Then they get mad because this friend with benefits doesn't treat them like a girlfriend. They end up chasing them, attaching strings and getting confused.
> 
> I have to say tripad from the little I've read is not into that....friends with benefits that is but her comment and attitude is shallow and would turn off most men so it's not just you.


----------



## tripad

inarut said:


> anewstart60 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think there is anything wrong with that either, I just wouldn't be condescending about it.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm going to get banned for this but so be it. Condescension is common place here you will come to find. TAM is a tight knit group and they are very attached to their beliefs. there is some good stuff here but a lot of BS holier than thou attitudes as well. I dont know how much you have read on this particular thread but you're hearing from (some) women who love attention from men and seek (so they say) friends with benefits relationships, no strings attached because their lives are too full and they're so sought after and busy they just dont know what they want or what will make them happy. Then they get mad because this friend with benefits doesn't treat them like a girlfriend. They end up chasing them, attaching strings and getting confused.
> 
> I have to say tripad from the little I've read is not into that....friends with benefits that is but her comment and attitude is shallow and would turn off most men so it's not just you.
Click to expand...


My comment and attitude is not shallow . 

Like I said , it is a fact about who i am and who the guy who asked me for a fuzk is . Simple truth and fact , offensive as it sounds . 

And it's a comment made with much life experiences you may never even have since you don't know my entire life story . 

Yup , most men won't accept it that I made a comment that seems condescending to mankind . However , if a man ask for a fuzk distastefully, don't fault the women .

N I am not out to please any man's ears or eyes or viewpoint . 

It is just not you - that I agree .


----------



## inarut

No, his asking for a ****, if you understood him correctly was classless and distasteful. But you were already ignoring him prior because you felt he was beneath you due to his social standing and occupation. Your attitude about hoe and where people from your country learned English shows the same disdain and shallow outlook.


----------



## TooNice

Ugh. Alright, I'll say one piece here. Merely an observation... my two cents... whatever.

Just as one might state here that if you don't like what I have to say, then don't read it, the same applies to OLD. 

I read lots of offensive things from men. I move on. 

I don't judge them. I don't get angry or creeped out. I simply move on. More often than not, what they are looking for simply does not align with what I am looking for. It doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. I don't know their whole story and why they are looking for what they are. Oh, and I have seen nasty messages from men of all education and income levels. When I was new to OLD, it was a little shocking at times. But I've gotten used to it, and to each his (or her) own. 


Now, the dude I saw today with the username "Ivegoteyesonyou"... THAT was a tad creepy.


----------



## anewstart60

Exactly!



inarut said:


> No, his asking for a ****, if you understood him correctly was classless and distasteful. But you were already ignoring him prior because you felt he was beneath you due to his social standing and occupation. Your attitude about hoe and where people from your country learned English shows the same disdain and shallow outlook.


----------



## tripad

My comment probably hurt your male ego .

N I wonder why shouldn't the female ego be hurt when she sends her regards and she was asked for a fuxk .

Double standard . 

N you label my comments shallow ?

I wonder who is making a shallow comment .


----------



## inarut

Have they offended you too? Have they not learned English to your liking or as well as you think you have?


----------



## inarut

I'm a woman


----------



## tripad

He , not they , offended me . yes . by asking for a fuzk . 

You can't understand that ?


----------



## inarut

As I said, that's classless and distasteful. I wouldn't bother with him either for that. BUT you had already discounted him and felt he was beneath you for other reasons... Shallow reasons.


----------



## inarut

My other post where I said "they" I was referring to the people from your country where you are displaying the same attitude in regard to their English speaking abilities.


----------



## tripad

inarut said:


> As I said, that's classless and distasteful. I wouldn't bother with him either for that. BUT you had already discounted him and felt he was beneath you for other reasons... Shallow reasons.


Shallow ?

Be my guest , have a woman of similar tastelessness on your plate.


----------



## tripad

inarut said:


> My other post where I said "they" I was referring to the people from your country where you are displaying the same attitude in regard to their English speaking abilities.



I didn't display any disregard for others in my country .

I in fact gave a historical explanation of how the language came about .

Read please , with an open mind .


----------



## tripad

Assuming if I am your sister , 

I don't see how a man take offence at my so called condescending remarks .

Instead of the guy's request to fuxk your sister .

?

I see double standards .


?


----------



## tripad

I am off here . got business to take care of . 

My stand remains .

I think we have party poopers here spoiling our peaceful friendly thread here . 

Will not reply any further .

We can all keep our views.


----------



## anewstart60

inarut
She clearly doesn't nor will she ever understand what we are saying, she also hasn't understood that you are a woman as you clearly stated.



tripad said:


> Shallow ?
> 
> Be my guest , have a woman of similar tastelessness on your plate.


----------



## inarut

I have no idea what you are trying to say in post 30,664.

The word I used was disdain not disregard.

Nobody disagrees that his asking for a **** is offensive. What's offensive is your attitude about his financial status and equating that with his desirability, value and worth as a human being


----------



## inarut

Yes, you go take care of your all important things. Don't let little old me rain on the parade here. Hold onto those views of yours. I'm Sure they will serve you well.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> English is my first language .
> 
> Chinese is my second language .
> 
> Hokkien n Cantonese are other ethnic langauages I learn from family .


My apologies, tripad. I made an assumption I shouldn't have.


----------



## FeministInPink

And stop with the bickering already! This is a light-hearted thread where we discuss our adventures in dating. We're all newly single (or not so new, I've now been single again for almost 2 yrs), and learning how to date again.

Anyone have any fun plans for Halloween? I think I'm gonna go to Fright Fest at Six Flags on Saturday. 

And Sunday marks the beginning of NaNoWriMo, and I'm debating if I'm going to give it a serious go this year.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Anyone have any fun plans for Halloween? I think I'm gonna go to Fright Fest at Six Flags on Saturday.
> 
> And Sunday marks the beginning of NaNoWriMo, and I'm debating if I'm going to give it a serious go this year.


I had to look up what that is.  I think anyone who is in a position to debate doing something like that should just do it! I envy those abilities and wish to live vicariously through those who have talent. :grin2:

No big plans this weekend. For some reason, I'm a bit turned off by the whole holiday this year. I really need some quiet time at home anyway, so it's a good reason to lay low. I am volunteering for a marathon Sunday, so I am looking forward to that. It will be a fun day with new running friends cheering on more of our running friends.


----------



## tripad

Sigh .

No fun plans for myself . got to get myself a date . 

But yet had to come up with fun plans to entertain the kids as their exam is over now . 

I think when I get a night out with the girls I will probably go dance on the table top and be totally pissed . with a huge hangover the next day . urggggggg !


----------



## tripad

Envy those of you with nice fun plans 

Enjoy girls


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Lol
> 
> That's Singlish alright .
> But no i speak British English as studied in school , but without the accent .
> 
> However , growing in a country where many older folks n lesser educated folks speak Singlish , I am fully capable of switching between English and Singlish , just so that I can be understood on the streets .
> Let me explain . after second war world and in Singapore , most ancestors are immigrants from nearby lands , China , India , Malaysia , Indonesia . Most , if not all , don't speak English or Mandarin .
> Later years , English and Mandarin were taught in school . Smarter kids pick up n fly into the new and affluent world when we grow up . Like myself .
> The not as smart kids mixed up the dialect , mandarin and English language and it became English . being proficient in all these languages , I see how it evolve and I can switch between the languages easily .
> The badly mispronounced English are generally by the first or second generation who are totally uneducated , who had pick up a little English . Like as shown in your video . praises to them.
> 
> If my text here consists of simple and short sentences, it's simply out of time constraints . lol . not bad language .


I prefer Singlish to English, and encourage accents. I also practice accents for fun. Not to make fun out of the people's expense (not all the time anyway ) , but to celebrate diversity. Singapore should embrace Singlish as a natural lingual phenomena. But that's just my opinion. Normal English is fking boring... bah!

If you start including aiyas and lahs in your sentences it'll only make you all the more cuter  hehe



inarut said:


> I have no idea what you are trying to say in post 30,664.
> 
> The word I used was disdain not disregard.
> 
> Nobody disagrees that his asking for a **** is offensive. What's offensive is your attitude about his financial status and equating that with his desirability, value and worth as a human being


Ey? Well IMO Singapore has a very materialistic culture from what I've heard of immigrants here. And if she's like most women from there I would probably agree with you... I heard from Singaporeans about the 5Cs that women expect from their men; Cash, Credit card, Condominium, university Certificate, and Car.

However, from what I know of tripad, she herself 'married down' in the past; tripad comes from a solid financial background (which she worked for might I add) and a marriage where she was financially exploited by both her ex + his family so I don't see her as being shallow for her standards. She's entitled to be picky after her experience.

Just my two cents


----------



## tripad

Rd

Thanks for understanding me 

Hugs and kisses flying your way


----------



## tripad

I actually married an equal in terms of education .

However , I know I was a little smarter I intellectually n exposed to the world having grown up in a poor family . 

Though academically on paper we are equal , i was also doing 5 times of my ex's salary before we married . 

Hence ........ The rest is history . sad that money tears a family apart .


----------



## tripad

You know I had offered my ex to clear all debts n to move to a smaller cheaper place . but on condition to tell his family not to exploit me again . I just wanted my family intact .

But he won't . he wanted to continue life as it is . so ....

Rd 

Not true that all women are materialistic.

I have another lady friend in similar boat as I am . slight difference , her ex is a gambler and she just kept paying debts whole feeding 4 kids !


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's difficult to find a good date, never mind about finding a partner for life.
This is probably why some people on here - women and men alike - have evolved to want FWB or oh my goodness, empathy and attention from each other. I don't see anything wrong with either of these adaptations to staying human and keeping our hearts and souls alive. It must be great to have it all together and not have any foibles to address in a forum that's focused towards, hey, self-development and a willingness to share openly and learn from each other...mistakes as well as successes.

Last night I got a reply from a guy who wanted a meet and greet over a drink.
I realized he wanted it in his own city, which is about an hour away from me.
So instead of suggesting half way, I just asked him, hey, is there any reason you're not offering to meet me half way?
He was like, yes, because if we hit it off we can progress.
So I asked, are you saying that it would somehow be worth my while to make the drive to your city, vs. meeting half way?
He clarified that yep, if we hit it off we could go back to his place.
But then said that he was willing to meet me halfway and get a place if that happened.
I blocked him.

There's nothing in my profile that would suggest I'm looking for a ONS.
Another guy who looked like a great family guy, we made contact and all of a sudden he filled up my dating profile site with about 10 emails. I answered a few with one-liners, then sent an email that this was way too much email for me, and blocked. 
Totally nuts.

I'm not getting any quality matches in terms of compatibility on eHarmony, so I asked them if I could re-do my assessment as it's been quite a while since I took it and have had some big life changes that have influenced my values to a point. Surprisingly, I heard back right away and they've set me up to re-do my profile so I can get more appropriate matches.


----------



## bkyln309

No big plans for Halloween either. OM and I are going to a favorite restaurant (about an hour and a half drive away) for lunch. Then, we will spend the night handing out candy to the neighbor kids since my kids are with their dad. He plans to stay over and leave for his golf outing in the morning.


----------



## bkyln309

tripad said:


> I actually married an equal in terms of education .
> 
> However , I know I was a little smarter I intellectually n exposed to the world having grown up in a poor family .
> 
> Though academically on paper we are equal , i was also doing 5 times of my ex's salary before we married .
> 
> Hence ........ The rest is history . sad that money tears a family apart .



I married "down" if you wanted to call it that in terms of education, drive, intellect and salary. After being married almost 16 years, I have learned I will never short change myself again in that regard. I will hold out for someone is who equally as successful and smart. I find those most offended by that position are those who have not achieved as much as they would have liked. Too bad. I am not a gold digger. I am successful in my own right and after supporting my dead beat ex husband for years (and him putting us secretly into debt), I will never go there again. You need to be successful and smart in your own right if you want to be in a relationship with me. Im not asking you to support me but you must be able to support yourself.


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> I married "down" if you wanted to call it that in terms of education, drive, intellect and salary. After being married almost 16 years, *I have learned I will never short change myself again in that regard. * I will hold out for someone is who equally as successful and smart. I
> 
> YES SAME HERE
> 
> find those most offended by that position are those who have not achieved as much as they would have liked. Too bad. I am not a gold digger. I am successful in my own right and after supporting my dead beat ex husband for years (and him putting us secretly into debt), I will never go there again.
> 
> 
> You need to be successful and smart in your own right if you want to be in a relationship with me. Im not asking you to support me but you must be able to support yourself.


SAME . THE SECRET DEBTS THAT HE BEGGED ME TO PAY ON HIS KNEES AND HE DENIED OWING ME THE MONEY now .

but I want the man to support me , at least a little , food at least , I dont eat much .:surprise::x otherwise i cant respect him . I want to be a woman .


----------



## bkyln309

tripad said:


> SAME . THE SECRET DEBTS THAT HE BEGGED ME TO PAY ON HIS KNEES AND HE DENIED OWING ME THE MONEY now .
> 
> but I want the man to support me , at least a little , food at least , I dont eat much .:surprise::x otherwise i cant respect him . I want to be a woman .


Well, yes, he should be able to but I dont expect him to carry me!


----------



## anewstart60

This is actually getting pretty funny.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

inarut said:


> I'm going to get banned for this but so be it. Condescension is common place here you will come to find. TAM is a tight knit group and they are very attached to their beliefs. there is some good stuff here but a lot of BS holier than thou attitudes as well. I dont know how much you have read on this particular thread but you're hearing from (some) women who love attention from men and seek (so they say) friends with benefits relationships, no strings attached because their lives are too full and they're so sought after and busy they just dont know what they want or what will make them happy. Then they get mad because this friend with benefits doesn't treat them like a girlfriend. They end up chasing them, attaching strings and getting confused.
> 
> I have to say tripad from the little I've read is not into that....friends with benefits that is but her comment and attitude is shallow and would turn off most men so it's not just you.


Isn't it interesting how awareness of one's own self-worth is considered confidence in a man but arrogance in a woman. By both men AND women.


----------



## tripad

Hopeful

Exactly .


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's difficult to find a good date, never mind about finding a partner for life.
> This is probably why some people on here - women and men alike - have evolved to want FWB or oh my goodness, empathy and attention from each other. I don't see anything wrong with either of these adaptations to staying human and keeping our hearts and souls alive. It must be great to have it all together and not have any foibles to address in a forum that's focused towards, hey, self-development and a willingness to share openly and learn from each other...mistakes as well as successes.


^^^THIS. Nail on the head. Thanks.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Last night I got a reply from a guy who wanted a meet and greet over a drink.
> I realized he wanted it in his own city, which is about an hour away from me.
> So instead of suggesting half way, I just asked him, hey, is there any reason you're not offering to meet me half way?
> He was like, yes, because if we hit it off we can progress.
> So I asked, are you saying that it would somehow be worth my while to make the drive to your city, vs. meeting half way?
> He clarified that yep, if we hit it off we could go back to his place.
> But then said that he was willing to meet me halfway and get a place if that happened.
> I blocked him.


Ugh, what an a$$hat. And a lazy a$$hat at that.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> There's nothing in my profile that would suggest I'm looking for a ONS.
> Another guy who looked like a great family guy, we made contact and all of a sudden he filled up my dating profile site with about 10 emails. I answered a few with one-liners, then sent an email that this was way too much email for me, and blocked.
> Totally nuts.


WTF??? ONE MESSAGE. They should send ONE, and see if you respond. If you don't respond in a day or two, I think it's ok to send a follow-up. But seriously?!? Overkill! Screams desperate and needy.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm not getting any quality matches in terms of compatibility on eHarmony, so I asked them if I could re-do my assessment as it's been quite a while since I took it and have had some big life changes that have influenced my values to a point. Surprisingly, I heard back right away and they've set me up to re-do my profile so I can get more appropriate matches.


I'm thinking about de-activating my POF and OKC profiles. I'm getting messages from guys who are either fishing, and are messaging every girl they come across, or who clearly haven't read my profile (with whom there are clear compatibility problems), and who messaged me based solely on my profile pic. (Though it is a little bit of an ego boost to get messages from the guys who "just want to tell you I think you're beautiful." I will admit that.)

Besides, I get emotional support from my friends, and an activity partner and always-ready-to-be-plus-one in my platonic male BFF, and sex from J-Dawg. I could sustain this way for a while. Not forever, but for a while.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Isn't interesting how awareness of one's own self-worth is considered confidence in a man but arrogance in a woman. By both men AND women.


Yes, very interesting indeed. :|


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> WTF??? ONE MESSAGE. They should send ONE, and see if you respond. If you don't respond in a day or two, I think it's ok to send a follow-up. But seriously?!? Overkill! Screams desperate and needy.


Yep, pursing one woman is a futile endeavor for a guy on a dating site. I'd spend an evening looking over profiles, and send out messages to the few that I found interesting. 

The ones I really liked might get a follow up in a couple days if I didn't hear from them. But outside of that, forget it and move on. 

Odd thing was often response were grouped. Sometimes weeks after I contacted them I'd get 3 or 4 response. My guess is they already had a full dance card and wanted to finish playing the hand they had. Good things come to those who wait.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> (Though it is a little bit of an ego boost to get messages from the guys who "just want to tell you I think you're beautiful." I will admit that.)


Wasn't me I swear! 





tripad said:


> Not true that all women are materialistic.
> 
> I have another lady friend in similar boat as I am . slight difference , her ex is a gambler and she just kept paying debts whole feeding 4 kids !


Never said all, I only mentioned the culture which is rather materialistic. It's the same with any big city, mine included.

Not the 5cs anymore though right? It's the 5Bs 
Now one needs a BMW, have a hot Body, have a Brain, be a Billionaire, and have a Bungalow! lol

That crosses me out :surprise:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> (Though it is a little bit of an ego boost to get messages from the guys who "just want to tell you I think you're beautiful." I will admit that.)
> 
> Besides, I get emotional support from my friends, and an activity partner and always-ready-to-be-plus-one in my platonic male BFF, and sex from J-Dawg. I could sustain this way for a while. Not forever, but for a while.
> 
> 
> 
> Wasn't me I swear!
Click to expand...

RD, you can message me and tell me I'm beautiful anytime you want, I won't mind.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> ^^^THIS. Nail on the head. Thanks.
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh, what an a$$hat. And a lazy a$$hat at that.
> 
> 
> 
> WTF??? ONE MESSAGE. They should send ONE, and see if you respond. If you don't respond in a day or two, I think it's ok to send a follow-up. But seriously?!? Overkill! Screams desperate and needy.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm thinking about de-activating my POF and OKC profiles. I'm getting messages from guys who are either fishing, and are messaging every girl they come across, or who clearly haven't read my profile (with whom there are clear compatibility problems), and who messaged me based solely on my profile pic. (Though it is a little bit of an ego boost to get messages from the guys who "just want to tell you I think you're beautiful." I will admit that.)
> 
> Besides, I get emotional support from my friends, and an activity partner and always-ready-to-be-plus-one in my platonic male BFF, and sex from J-Dawg. I could sustain this way for a while. Not forever, but for a while.


I think on the Match and Match-affiliated sites, there's a hacking group that's generating profiles based on targeted members. i.e. those in certain zip codes with certain educations and stated incomes. They create profiles based on what you want, more or less...and then start fishing. If you reply to various questions from different profile matches, they can put together that information and go to town with it. 

The one guy who barraged me with emails, I think he wasn't who his profile said he was. The other guy who thought we would just go to his place or whatever sleazy motel he could find, is authentic. But pretty typical for New Hampshire.


----------



## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> Yep, pursing one woman is a futile endeavor for a guy on a dating site. I'd spend an evening looking over profiles, and send out messages to the few that I found interesting.


Yeah, there's a difference between messaging every single profile you encounter hoping for a nibble, and making a simultaneous effort on several that you find legitimately interesting.

(And word to the wise: smart women can tell the difference.)



Acoa said:


> The ones I really liked might get a follow up in a couple days if I didn't hear from them. But outside of that, forget it and move on.


Personally, I think the follow up a few days later is a good move. I think it shows the woman that you're serious. (If I'm not interested, I'm still not going to respond. But if I was on the fence about responding, the follow-up might be the thing that gets my attention and a response.)



Acoa said:


> Odd thing was often response were grouped. Sometimes weeks after I contacted them I'd get 3 or 4 response. My guess is they already had a full dance card and wanted to finish playing the hand they had. Good things come to those who wait.


I've occasionally responded to a message a week or two after it was received. Sometimes I get a message, and my life at the moment is so hectic that I can't respond right away, and I forget about it until I log back into the site or the app, and then I remember... whoops!


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, there's a difference between messaging every single profile you encounter hoping for a nibble, and making a simultaneous effort on several that you find legitimately interesting.
> 
> (And word to the wise: smart women can tell the difference.)


Yeah, canned messages are the worst. If I messaged someone it was because something about their profile caught my eye. Every message was unique. 

Heck, I even sent a few messages to folks who were clearly in different places to compliment them on having well articulated and detailed profiles. So many profiles just had a picture and minimal details. Those rarely warranted a message, and never a follow up. Besides, if all that is in the profile is a picture, about the only message that can be sent is 'gee lady, you sure are pretty'. Uhm, not good enough.


----------



## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> Yeah, canned messages are the worst. If I messaged someone it was because something about their profile caught my eye. Every message was unique.
> 
> Heck, I even sent a few messages to folks who were clearly in different places to compliment them on having well articulated and detailed profiles. So many profiles just had a picture and minimal details. Those rarely warranted a message, and never a follow up. Besides, if all that is in the profile is a picture, about the only message that can be sent is 'gee lady, you sure are pretty'. Uhm, not good enough.


Acoa, how far back in the thread have to read? Did you see my post about my response matrix?


----------



## Acoa

I come in an out of the thread. I may have missed that one, I took a TAM hiatus for a while. If I get a chance next week I'll search it out. I'm shutting down the computer soon for the weekend. Have a fun one all!


----------



## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> I come in an out of the thread. I may have missed that one, I took a TAM hiatus for a while. If I get a chance next week I'll search it out. I'm shutting down the computer soon for the weekend. Have a fun one all!


I'll make it easy for you--I pulled it up myself, and I figured, why not quote myself?



FeministInPink said:


> Or something like that. Absurd. And it irritates me when I get these in my inbox.
> 
> I've come up with a matrix which determines whether or not I will reply to an OLD message:
> 
> -- If our compatibility match is <75%, I do not respond at all. If compatibility match is between 75% and 85%, I review "Unacceptable answers" to questions, and decide on a case-by-case basis.
> 
> -- If his message is a BS message like "hello" or "how are you?" I won't answer, unless compatibility is better than 90% AND I think he's attractive.
> 
> -- Initial message is explicitly sexual in nature? No response.
> 
> -- No pictures (or face isn't visible in the pics)? No response.
> 
> -- Blank profile? No response.
> 
> -- In a relationship/marriage, and looking for a "friend"? In an open relationship and looking for fun? No response.
> 
> -- Immediately ask me out on a date without engaging me in conversation? No response.
> 
> -- Profile is derogatory towards women, or clearly bitter about relationships? No response.
> 
> -- Some profile pics prominently feature baby momma, but not him? No response.
> _(This was added to the matrix based on one specific OKC message. I decided it was a good rule, because that's just weird.)_
> 
> -- Profile pics are unattractive/poorly chosen? No response.
> _(Note: If I find someone physically neutral, I won't rule them out based on that alone. Some people don't photograph well, and I'm not going to penalize them for that... they could be much more attractive in person. But if they're just plain ugly, or haven't made the effort to at least TRY to get some decent pictures--and I've found these two often go hand in hand--I'm going to pass them by, because it tells me that either they don't have much self-esteem, or they don't care enough to bother. That's going to carry over into other areas, and I don't want to deal with that. But a man who might not be considered conventionally "handsome" can *make* himself attractive by taking pride in his appearance.)_
> 
> -- Located outside my general geographic vicinity? No response--unless it's a place that I know I'll be going to soon, or would like to visit in the near future, and where I might enjoy some company.
> 
> -- And then there are some other personal preferences regarding age, religion, etc., that I'll filter by as well, which will result in... you guessed it! No response.​
> I love using this... it's like my "I tip 20% across the board, no matter what" rule. It makes it simple to decide who to respond to, and it cuts down on wasted time. It eliminates a lot of guesswork. Does anybody else do this? What criteria do you use?


If you want to see the original post in all it's glory, here's the perma-link:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/79153-singles-tam-1903.html#post12644698

I'm sure that I'll take some sh!t from the peanut gallery about how I'm being judgmental or condescending or whatnot. But I see this as a way to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. I'm a busy person, I don't have a ton of free time, and I'm an introvert, so I don't want to waste precious "me" time on someone who will be a poor candidate (for me). I'm not saying these men are poor candidates in general--just that they aren't a good fit for ME and what I'm looking for in a mate. This also helps to sort out the ones who are just fishing.

And I'm not going to waste my time responding with a "No thanks, not interested," because a) that only encourages them to continue messaging me, and b) I'm keeping my response rate in mind. What do I mean by that? I'm thinking specifically about OK Cupid, which will show to users if I reply frequently, sometimes, or selectively. I want to make sure that my profile indicates that I reply "selectively" because sometimes, perception is key. If my profile says that I reply selectively, that sends the message that I'm not necessarily going to be easy pickings, which in turn ups my perceived market value. A man who's actually reading my profile and paying attention will know that He's going to have to put in a little effort to get my attention. And that's the way I want it, because I'm not interested in someone who half-a$$es things.

Someone (@RandomDude) asked me if I actually take those compatibility/match percentages seriously. I don't think they're a perfect science, but I think they're a good indicator, but I'm thinking specifically on OK Cupid. I've consistently found that profiles with a high compatibility percentile tend to possess a lot of what I'm looking for, and conversely, when I look at profiles with low compatibility percentiles consistently have a lot of traits, etc. that I do NOT want in a partner.


----------



## TooNice

:iagree:

Absolutely - with all of it!

User names are a thing I look at, too. "Lonely2long", "Backyetagain", "4evrsearching" -- um...not setting a good stage. I kid, but we all know there are similar names out there. 

I got messages from the same man on two different sites in the last couple of days. He sent relatively long messages, talking a little about himself and asking some questions. Problem is, it was the same message - word for word. Including the same spelling errors. Probably not someone I would have responded to anyway, but now I don't feel badly about it. 

One thing I do like about OkC is the question matching. I have a few basic things are absolute deal breakers for me, and find that I can quickly find out where someone stands, possibly saving us time. I also really enjoy reading the "explained answers". 

That said, I'm still not actively out there at the moment. It's exhausting.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Yes, exhausting.
But, you only have to find one partner who's compatible.
Imagine if it were easy...we would all be partnered already. 
The odds are really stacked against a human to find a love/compatibility match.
Think of the poor salmon who are compelled to swim upstream, spawn once and then...sad, sad, sad.
All that work and it can't even amount to a relationship. 
People are going to do what they're going to do, it's in our nature to keep trying.
Just like the salmon, the migrating bird, etc.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> Acoa said:
> 
> 
> 
> I come in an out of the thread. I may have missed that one, I took a TAM hiatus for a while. If I get a chance next week I'll search it out. I'm shutting down the computer soon for the weekend. Have a fun one all!
> 
> 
> 
> I'll make it easy for you--I pulled it up myself, and I figured, why not quote myself?
> 
> 
> 
> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> Or something like that. Absurd. And it irritates me when I get these in my inbox.
> 
> I've come up with a matrix which determines whether or not I will reply to an OLD message:
> 
> -- If our compatibility match is <75%, I do not respond at all. If compatibility match is between 75% and 85%, I review "Unacceptable answers" to questions, and decide on a case-by-case basis.
> 
> -- If his message is a BS message like "hello" or "how are you?" I won't answer, unless compatibility is better than 90% AND I think he's attractive.
> 
> -- Initial message is explicitly sexual in nature? No response.
> 
> -- No pictures (or face isn't visible in the pics)? No response.
> 
> -- Blank profile? No response.
> 
> -- In a relationship/marriage, and looking for a "friend"? In an open relationship and looking for fun? No response.
> 
> -- Immediately ask me out on a date without engaging me in conversation? No response.
> 
> -- Profile is derogatory towards women, or clearly bitter about relationships? No response.
> 
> -- Some profile pics prominently feature baby momma, but not him? No response.
> _(This was added to the matrix based on one specific OKC message. I decided it was a good rule, because that's just weird.)_
> 
> -- Profile pics are unattractive/poorly chosen? No response.
> _(Note: If I find someone physically neutral, I won't rule them out based on that alone. Some people don't photograph well, and I'm not going to penalize them for that... they could be much more attractive in person. But if they're just plain ugly, or haven't made the effort to at least TRY to get some decent pictures--and I've found these two often go hand in hand--I'm going to pass them by, because it tells me that either they don't have much self-esteem, or they don't care enough to bother. That's going to carry over into other areas, and I don't want to deal with that. But a man who might not be considered conventionally "handsome" can *make* himself attractive by taking pride in his appearance.)_
> 
> -- Located outside my general geographic vicinity? No response--unless it's a place that I know I'll be going to soon, or would like to visit in the near future, and where I might enjoy some company.
> 
> -- And then there are some other personal preferences regarding age, religion, etc., that I'll filter by as well, which will result in... you guessed it! No response.​
> I love using this... it's like my "I tip 20% across the board, no matter what" rule. It makes it simple to decide who to respond to, and it cuts down on wasted time. It eliminates a lot of guesswork. Does anybody else do this? What criteria do you use?
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> If you want to see the original post in all it's glory, here's the perma-link:
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/79153-singles-tam-1903.html#post12644698
> 
> I'm sure that I'll take some sh!t from the peanut gallery about how I'm being judgmental or condescending or whatnot. But I see this as a way to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. I'm a busy person, I don't have a ton of free time, and I'm an introvert, so I don't want to waste precious "me" time on someone who will be a poor candidate (for me). I'm not saying these men are poor candidates in general--just that they aren't a good fit for ME and what I'm looking for in a mate. This also helps to sort out the ones who are just fishing.
> 
> And I'm not going to waste my time responding with a "No thanks, not interested," because a) that only encourages them to continue messaging me, and b) I'm keeping my response rate in mind. What do I mean by that? I'm thinking specifically about OK Cupid, which will show to users if I reply frequently, sometimes, or selectively. I want to make sure that my profile indicates that I reply "selectively" because sometimes, perception is key. If my profile says that I reply selectively, that sends the message that I'm not necessarily going to be easy pickings, which in turn ups my perceived market value. A man who's actually reading my profile and paying attention will know that He's going to have to put in a little effort to get my attention. And that's the way I want it, because I'm not interested in someone who half-a$$es things.
> 
> Someone (@RandomDude) asked me if I actually take those compatibility/match percentages seriously. I don't think they're a perfect science, but I think they're a good indicator, but I'm thinking specifically on OK Cupid. I've consistently found that profiles with a high compatibility percentile tend to possess a lot of what I'm looking for, and conversely, when I look at profiles with low compatibility percentiles consistently have a lot of traits, etc. that I do NOT want in a partner.
Click to expand...

Great list . going to pin it up . 

I don't think it's judgmental or condescending . We have a serious job here , that of looking for a life partner . We need to know and to get what we want and need , and for the partner as well , he better know too .


----------



## RandomDude

=/

I must be the only one in this day and age who dates offline strictly


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> I must be the only one in this day and age who dates offline strictly


Dating is dating. 
By using an online service, you can meet people who have some compatibility whom you might not be able to meet otherwise. Sure it might not work out, but hey, neither has dating offline. There are many paths to the same endpoint.


----------



## inarut

There is a big difference between confidence and self worth as opposed to smugness,egotism and conceit.


----------



## moxy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> And, she's not out to change the world, she's out to find something that works for her.
> ...
> Do not let anyone bully you into dating them by calling you elitist or telling you that you have a superior attitude. You don't owe your love energy to anyone but someone you feel attracted to. Maybe there's equality in access to education, health care, housing, public transportation, etc. But there's no such thing as accommodations in matters of the heart. It's an instinct thing, there's no need to give anyone a fair chance.



This is such a good point!!! 

We are taught to recognize the importance of equal opportunity because it is a fine thing. Truly. We are all human and we all deserve the ability to navigate this world fairly. The world (and its resources) belongs to all of us. Our bodies do not, nor do our hearts and homes. We do not have to consider all people equally when it comes to choosing partners! We do not owe access to ourselves to everybody. Women are not simply resources for men. Many of us have learned this the hard way.

A million and one things make people compatible or not compatible. The poster who is saying the things about professionals vs laborers may be using some ugly, snobby language to do it, but it's a fair point. To that person, you don't really have to think of yourself as better than someone just because you have more money; to say it that way is tacky. And your disdain is compounded by the whole, "how dare this guy ask me if I wanna hook up!?" attitude. But seeing him as a person of dignity doesn't mean you have to date him, either. You won't date all people in your income bracket, after all. You DO NOT owe him equal access to your panties, but you don't have to degrade him for being poor and ill-mannered; you could choose to express your disappointment in his behavior in less offensive ways. Of course, it is your choice to say things how you want to say them, but you'll find it easier to connect with others if you are less hostile and sanctimonious.

That being said. Any number of things can creep us out about another person. Trolling for sex is gross and offensive in
some instances. And wage disparity is a big deal to some people. Many men tend to have a hard time contending with women who earn more or who prioritize their careers, and while that is a vulgar thought, it is often true in our society. Women have to beware of that factor when thinking about partners. Compatibility has to do with ideals and lifestyles, and while professions may not be the only way of evaluating compatibility, it is a way for some to do so.


----------



## moxy

inarut said:


> There is a big difference between confidence and self worth as opposed to smugness,egotism and conceit.



Being selective about dating partners does not make a person a conceited snob. Denigrating the dignity of people who are not as fortunate as others isn't exclusively the domain of elitists, but also in the purview of immature people. 

inarut, think about what you're saying instead of just reacting to the feeling you have about that post. On the one hand you place confidence and self worth, on the other hand you place self-centered conceit. Those are not antonyms or opposites. They can coincide. There are two issues here: 1) That poster seems to have an unsavory perspective about the value of a person based on his/her income, 2) that person has some standards in choosing dating partners. It may simply be the case that the original poster is not quite articulate in her expression of this distinction, and that you have taken offense by conflating the two ideas. It's not cool to see ourselves as better than other humans, but it IS a good idea to have standards and to be selective when considering potential life partners!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

How about...I'm not a loser so I don't want to date a loser.

There is a really, really, really old saying.
It goes:

Birds of a feather, flock together.

Humans are unique creatures in that they have the ability through language, thought and action, to create and change their environment. Why should one person who has created an environment uniquely suited to him or herself, seek to join mental and emotional forces, let alone physical forces, with a person who exists in a completely different realm. Sure, you can have some respect for others who deserve it...but don't feel obliged to share the fruits of your labor (or the time of day) with any creep who knocks on the door claiming his d*ck is just as good as any other guy's.


----------



## inarut

Moxy, 

By all means, be selective in dating and in life. Find what works for you. Love and honor yourself. No disagreement here whatsoever. I took issue with the sanctimonious attitude, as you said and eloquently described.


----------



## tripad

The above comments seemed to take offence at what I said about the d**khead rather than at the fact that he bluntly asked me if I want to f*** , after less than 10 one liner texts .:scratchhead:

I cant understand how is it that what I have said about the d***head is more offensive than what he had said to me . 

Whatever . Unless my comment has hurt you in a sensitive area .

Please go on without me . especially Inarut and the other guy . I didnt bother to check out the name .


----------



## anewstart60

This comment just enforces the fact that Tripad has no clue what was commented on.
Inarut and I both agree about the guy asking for a fvck like he did was wrong and a negative reaction from her was justified. All we commented on was her attitude that she was clearly better than this guy BEFORE he asked anything. She thinks she is better than others because she has more money and social standing, which is not the case. 
She may be successful in business but as far as I have read she is not the good person she thinks she is based on income and social standing, she comes across as mean , materialistic,petty and shallow.She seems to be a perfect example that wealth and status do not make you a better person, she lacks the qualities that make a good person (compassion,humility,kindness) 
I also believe finding someone in your social circle is the best match but you don't have to sh!t on someone you feel doesn't meet those standards.
Again I'll say there is nothing wrong with dating within your social circle and anyone with any relationship experience would probably agree that your odds of a successful relationship are probably better but being demeaning to someone you perceive as being lower is simply wrong.

At first I was going to chalk this up to her lack of english skills but she stated english is her first language (doesn't look like it to me though)




tripad said:


> The above comments seemed to take offence at what I said about the d**khead rather than at the fact that he bluntly asked me if I want to f*** , after less than 10 one liner texts .:scratchhead:
> 
> I cant understand how is it that what I have said about the d***head is more offensive than what he had said to me .
> 
> Whatever . Unless my comment has hurt you in a sensitive area .
> 
> Please go on without me . especially Inarut and the other guy . I didnt bother to check out the name .


----------



## RandomDude

Bah!

What's with all the hate on tripad lately? This thread was having a good run for a while, I don't get why you two got so offended by her.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Dating is dating.
> By using an online service, you can meet people who have some compatibility whom you might not be able to meet otherwise. Sure it might not work out, but hey, neither has dating offline. There are many paths to the same endpoint.


Perhaps, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it seems nowadays folks like me are a dying breed.

Offline is just so much better IMO, at least in the big city you see someone hot, you approach them, you get their number, you go on date, etc etc...
I see around ~5 new beautiful women a day, and I can get to know them all in person from the get go. Besides I can bring my dashing good looks and charm straight away  ... 

Online I have to deal with profile making, searching, and maybe find ONE interesting women a month - if lucky, even luckier if she responds at all. Everyone tells me I'm not photogenic at all too, so there goes my dashing good looks and not much I can do on my profile to bring out my personality. I'm at a disadvantage online 
Not to mention I'm not one to play the numbers game - I'm very picky! And I seem to find really crap matches online in the off chance I'm even interested.

I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Bah!
> 
> What's with all the hate on tripad lately? This thread was having a good run for a while, I don't get why you two got so offended by her.
> 
> I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE...


First point, it's a chick thing. She lives in a nice city and is well off, independent, obviously kicked her ex-husband's dirtbag moocher a**, she's extremely hot, exceptionally kind-hearted (no ***** at all in her that I can see) and moreover has a kind of self-control that us ONS and FWB westerners can't even begin to comprehend or understand the origins of, cause, like, we're Americans. We like to get down on people, and jump all over them and hold them responsible and play the sound bite over and over again, just so we can prove that what we heard and how we interpreted is correct. Then we post it again and again and again and blow it up into a big event...although it was just ordinary venting. It would be great if working class guys were all teddy bears and knew how to talk to a woman...but we know that isn't true, not even in the US where we push equality. And, it s*cks. Sure we have laws against profanity but just try to take your car to the dealer and sit in the waiting room for an hour while they service it....OMG. There you have it, the crassness of the working class guy (IF they are even employed, that is.) Which is not to say across the board, but it certainly is the norm. Would that it were not.

Secondly, no RD, you are not the only one. I am hotter in person and photograph badly, very badly. But, I got one good match on eHarmony for all my work this past week in trying. I live in a small town and it's not normal for people to just randomly date. We just run into each other repeatedly at fun events and hang out together. This could go on for years before anyone actually suggests something like a real date. Even if they say you are beautiful and give you a lift home, that's just a compliment and a favor. Maybe it could lead to something in 5 years, lol.


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## optimalprimus

Gl with the dating guys. I met my wife before OLD took off in a big way, and I'm sure i'd find itba minefield too.

OT - I think the guys taking issue with tripad deserve a bit more understanding too. The post they refer to was unfortunately phrased and did come across as cruelly dismissive of people working in low-paid jobs. But I'm sure it wasn't meant in that spirit. It's always worth being open to others views on how one comes across though.


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## anewstart60

To quit beating a dead horse, I'm done with this subject but I do stand by all my posts on the matter.


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## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> First point, it's a chick thing....


So it's all just a...








?

... mkay ...



> It would be great if working class guys were all teddy bears and knew how to talk to a woman...but we know that isn't true, not even in the US where we push equality. And, it s*cks. Sure we have laws against profanity but just try to take your car to the dealer and sit in the waiting room for an hour while they service it....OMG. There you have it, the crassness of the working class guy (IF they are even employed, that is.) Which is not to say across the board, but it certainly is the norm. Would that it were not.


Ey? Well I consider myself a working class guy 
I have zero recognised education past primary school to my name lol - now sure at work and among certain circles I have to put on some class, but otherwise - I swear like a fking sailor! 



> Secondly, no RD, you are not the only one. I am hotter in person and photograph badly, very badly. But, I got one good match on eHarmony for all my work this past week in trying. I live in a small town and it's not normal for people to just randomly date. We just run into each other repeatedly at fun events and hang out together. This could go on for years before anyone actually suggests something like a real date. Even if they say you are beautiful and give you a lift home, that's just a compliment and a favor. Maybe it could lead to something in 5 years, lol.


Yeah I can understand in small towns, just not in big cities.

Sometimes I do wonder if it's a blessing or a curse to be non-photogenic; as a photogenic person would most likely raise higher expectations for the meetup, while a non-photogenic person looks forward only to impress  - assuming the date gets past the horrible photo however!!!

Still, when I tried online somehow I managed to get a few emails despite my crappy profile (uneducated / crap photo / below 
'minimum' sexy height by an inch - I'm 5'11 lol), but none I was interested in. 

So in the end opportunities right in front of me daily sure beat the choices I found in various dating sites. Almost all my dates post-divorce were met offline. Great women too, ex-GF/FWB included.


----------



## tripad

anewstart60 said:


> This comment just enforces the fact that Tripad has no clue what was commented on.
> Inarut and I both agree about the guy asking for a fvck like he did was wrong and a negative reaction from her was justified. All we commented on was her attitude that she was clearly better than this guy BEFORE he asked anything. She thinks she is better than others because she has more money and social standing, which is not the case.
> She may be successful in business but as far as I have read she is not the good person she thinks she is based on income and social standing, she comes across as mean , materialistic,petty and shallow.She seems to be a perfect example that wealth and status do not make you a better person, she lacks the qualities that make a good person (compassion,humility,kindness)
> I also believe finding someone in your social circle is the best match but you don't have to sh!t on someone you feel doesn't meet those standards.
> Again I'll say there is nothing wrong with dating within your social circle and anyone with any relationship experience would probably agree that your odds of a successful relationship are probably better but being demeaning to someone you perceive as being lower is simply wrong.
> 
> At first I was going to chalk this up to her lack of english skills but she stated english is her first language (doesn't look like it to me though)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> The above comments seemed to take offence at what I said about the d**khead rather than at the fact that he bluntly asked me if I want to f*** , after less than 10 one liner texts .
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I cant understand how is it that what I have said about the d***head is more offensive than what he had said to me .
> 
> Whatever . Unless my comment has hurt you in a sensitive area .
> 
> Please go on without me . especially Inarut and the other guy . I didnt bother to check out the name .
Click to expand...

I can't highlight from my HP .

But you said before .

That is wrong .

I shi,t on that guy after he asked for fuzk .

Repeat 

After he asked for a fuzk

And after I send him my well wishes and blessings when he said his wife died . 

Omg . i am repeating


----------



## tripad

Guys

I don't judge you if you have different beliefs n standards from me . 

Don't try to crucified me either . 

But if someone disrespect me asking for a f**k in my face , I can s**t on him all I want .


----------



## tripad

To my friends here 

Hugs and kisses flying over 
Lol


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Well I consider myself a working class guy  I have zero recognised education past primary school to my name lol - now sure at work and among certain circles I have to put on some class, but otherwise - I swear like a fking sailor!
> Still, when I tried online somehow I managed to get a few emails despite my crappy profile (uneducated / crap photo / below
> 'minimum' sexy height by an inch - I'm 5'11 lol), but none I was interested in.
> 
> So in the end opportunities right in front of me daily sure beat the choices I found in various dating sites. Almost all my dates post-divorce were met offline. Great women too, ex-GF/FWB included.


I recently dated a guy who had a fairly bad profile and not much education. Lots of nice outdoor photos, none of which was particularly flattering except one perhaps, but his body language in the photos was relaxed. It was clear that his literacy was marginal. I met him and he was/is a nice guy. We went cycling, hiking, out to dinner, to the movies, for a walk, had a bonfire...he was the perfect gentleman in action, and not too perfect ;-) A good mix of liberated and old school when it comes to women. The dealbreaker? The thoughts and words that came out of his mouth. ALL over the place. Rambling on about his family, religion, money, women/sex...like almost no censorship. A lot of it was negative, about other people's drinking and even the people on Judge Judy. Completely mind-boggling. Sure actions speak louder than words, but words do create an environment...one of trust. Self-censorship is a gift to others. People can say anything they want, but they need to be aware of how it affects others. I've been exposed to all kinds of language in my life...having grown up with brothers who were just horrible (in thought and action) and being in the military, etc. But do I want to let it into my personal life and my home? No way. 

In this person's case, I believe he has had a brain injury that wasn't properly treated although the plastic surgeon did a good job of repairing his face. On top of that a history of heavy drinking that he may not have entirely recovered from in a neurological sense, along with a firm stance against the idea of any kind of pharmaceuticals that could help him. (He lives within a few miles of some of the best neuropsych care available in the world, which I can personally attest to from my own experience with them.) Does having a viable 'excuse' make this person acceptable for a relationship? Unfortunately, no. It is what it is. Once words and thoughts come out of a person's mouth and into the co-created environment, that's it. You can't put them back. I told him up front, please don't tell me these things, they are guy things, I'm not a guy. Etc. Once a guy does that I put him in a different category, i.e. a guy with poor boundaries who is a mine-field when it comes to having a conversation. Poor relationship material. Because that could happen at the dinner table, at breakfast, over coffee. 

Man (and woman) have been cursed with the gift of language. We can create scenarios in our heads, that have the same effect on our consciousness as if it really happened. We can create someone's dream world, or their worst nightmare. 

I'm pledging now to not even swear on this forum. I think it's unnecessary and probably even damaging to a safe environment for everyone. 

I would feel assaulted at some level even finding a swear word in my dating service inbox. I quickly block profiles that contain any content I find remotely offensive or repellant. Why even go there?


----------



## RandomDude

Hell, reminds me of ex-wife, I was straight off the streets and she hammered her ideals of bloody etiquette into me. Bah! Turned me into a fking 'gentleman'... almost!

Sure, it's great to have some class, useful not to mention necessary as well when it comes to business, but I hate to be uptight over language especially with differing circles; a working-class circle appreciates those who don't mind foul speech - though excessiveness is just, well, pointless. I did find ex's classy demeanor and poise more attractive than the rude women who spit all day and yadda yadda. Still she had her days - especially when she didn't get her way! 

I wasn't going to dump her for her going on a vent - in fact I encourage it, much worse was her silence! Anyway it is not the cuss words themselves that invoke negative connotations, but the tone I found. Regardless nowadays I would probably prefer an upfront cussing woman to someone like my ex who was 'classy' but tended to be indirect and passive aggressive.

Classy but upfront though? WIN! 

Anyway for the record I always say I'm uneducated but only in terms of recognised education (like highschool/uni)  
I'm a bookworm and always enjoy gaining new knowledge, even in my youth, despite the hostile environment (probably why I actually thrived at it), and also studied the concepts of business administration and management out of necessity as I gained new responsibilities and ultimately ownership. 

So my online profile is likely "lying" to prospective dates! But 'tis the truth, I'm still officially an uneducated bum even though I educated myself/own my own business/achieved financial independence. Bah! 

BTW ironically due to my experience I can actually do an MBA now, skipping high school + bachelors lol - but I have no use for one anymore - either than finally ridding myself of the 'uneducated' label =/


----------



## inarut

This is the last post i will make on the topic although, let's not pretend that the few minority of us who are stating a different opinion are solely the ones keeping it going.

First of all the insinuation those of us with the opinion that differs from the majority ultimately it must be because they are unattractive , have low to no standards or are unsuccessful or unaccomplished themselves for holding these views. Oh, or maybe we are jealous. Not so, think again.

Secondly, the attitude displayed by several posters, not just tripad and not just with the incident with this guy that keeps being brought up is where this attitude is being displayed. This attitude is not one of confidence or healthy sense of self love or worth. It is an ugly, judgmental and self aggrandizing attitude. It's not really about the haves and the have nots or who you choose to date. I run from these types, regardless of how "successful" they are. It tells me something about their character that i find unsavory. 

I'm not saying tripad or anyone else is a "bad" person. I think maybe there is some overcompensating for hurts and bad choices in previous partners who lacked character. I get that but dont let it turn you into....whatever the hell is going in here....because what i see is a lack of character of a different kind and it's just as unattractive. 

I dont expect to be understood ...you know, the whole birds of a feather thing ....but felt the need to say. Please continue with the regular programming and have fun....


----------



## RandomDude

In other news... Homemaker! You visited UB yes?

BTW just found out the Khalhka have recently made a movie based on MY people's ancestral queen! WTF?!









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttsTp_fiIbM



Sure as hell hope they didn't claim her as their own, historically they sold out to the Manchus! Bah!

... actress looks hot though...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, It will be fun to see that movie.

Yes, I spent the good part of an entire summer living and working in UB.

The women were very good looking and also it's a young country, so I felt really old and frumpy there.
lol

I learned that I needed to clean up my language to maintain the relationships that I really wanted.
It's about making people feel more comfortable and trusting of me and to improve my life in that way. 
So I'm happy to do that.
In particular, my children's friends and parents, my workplace and when dating.
None of the men I know and respect swear. Maybe in private they do but not in mixed company. 
It's generally frowned upon where I live. Doesn't mean we're prudes, we'd just rather groan loudly than swear and have more subtle forms of expressing disdain at a situation that convey our disgust. 
Even when there's music on, if there's questionable lyrics, someone will get up and forward to the next song, we have radio stations that are guaranteed to be family friendly even 24-7, you'd be amazed at how many people choose these stations over the other ones. I only mention it once to a date, that I don't like foul language or hearing about crass thoughts their men friends might have about women, etc. If the language/content continues, I just don't date that person any more because it would be impossible for me to trust them to be on board with creating the kind of environment I know I need for my life, in particular my home life.


----------



## RandomDude

Yes, the Khalkha women I met here where I live were also very confident, assertive, and fun too. I also grew fond of their uniqueness, not to mention beauty, with great bodies. Despite being brought up here and not to mention living apart from family since my teens, I also felt a strange kinship with them that I never felt with anyone else. If it wasn't for my ex-wife, I may probably have married one.

Hmmm... *getting ideas*

Khalkha blokes too, hell even the Hazaras, top blokes! Makes me proud in every way, though likely I only met the good ones among my people... =/

Anyway...



> I learned that I needed to clean up my language to maintain the relationships that I really wanted.
> It's about making people feel more comfortable and trusting of me and to improve my life in that way.
> So I'm happy to do that.
> In particular, my children's friends and parents, my workplace and when dating.
> None of the men I know and respect swear. Maybe in private they do but not in mixed company.
> It's generally frowned upon where I live. Doesn't mean we're prudes, we'd just rather groan loudly than swear and have more subtle forms of expressing disdain at a situation that convey our disgust.
> Even when there's music on, if there's questionable lyrics, someone will get up and forward to the next song, we have radio stations that are guaranteed to be family friendly even 24-7, you'd be amazed at how many people choose these stations over the other ones. I only mention it once to a date, that I don't like foul language or hearing about crass thoughts their men friends might have about women, etc. If the language/content continues, I just don't date that person any more because it would be impossible for me to trust them to be on board with creating the kind of environment I know I need for my life, in particular my home life.


For me, it was more of a case of learning 'different' 'languages' amongst differing circles, and maintaining understanding regardless of the crassness of one's language.

But I dunno, that's just me, probably just a result of my upbringing though, or culture? Meh I dunno


----------



## tripad

RandomDude;14036785
Sure said:


> Yes RD
> 
> You are going to love me then .
> 
> Growing where I am and how I am , in a poor family with "cursing" family and relatives . I can curse in multiple languages !!!!! At least 4 different languages of cuss words !!!!! LOL:x
> 
> Lol
> 
> Once , just fresh out of school and all doll up like a nice office girl , I was on a bus with another lady colleague . I noticed a man trying to molest a young school girl . I stood up got the girl to come to me and the molester tried to curse me with vulgarities and threatened to touch me instead .
> 
> I opened my mouth and vulgarities flew out at him amongst threats to call the police . I will never forget the shock om his face when he saw a nice "china doll " spew such cuss words and he scrammed away like a rat .
> 
> I turned over and saw my lady colleague gagged too . I laughed .
> 
> LOL .
> 
> Yes it was useful where necessary . Otherwise , I have learned to use the right language when I work .
> 
> Please , no offence to anyone here . I am telling my life story .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> In other news... Homemaker! You visited UB yes?
> 
> BTW just found out the Khalhka have recently made a movie based on MY people's ancestral queen! WTF?!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttsTp_fiIbM
> 
> 
> 
> Sure as hell hope they didn't claim her as their own, historically they sold out to the Manchus! Bah!
> 
> ... actress looks hot though...


She is smoking hot .

RD

You said my people .

where are you from ?


----------



## tripad

inarut and 60

Let's be friends and all have fun here .:x0 We need it .

After all the thrash out .

My statement was never meant to offend anyone . It was just venting .

Hugs and kisses to you both.:x


----------



## bkyln309

Ok, took a bit of a bold step for me and messaged a man online. I dont usually do the asking out and we have chatting a few weeks but we had agreed to wait until the New Year since we are both so busy. 
I asked if he wanted to meet up for a coffee or a hike later this week/weekend. Looks like we are meeting up on Thursday for a hike after work. Not sure there will be chemistry but as my friend says its just a hike.

Had a good weekend with the OM but I think its clear we arent going the distance.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Who uncapped the matchmaking genie in my parts?
Going to try something new.
Now I am going to commit to multi-dating for the next 6 months.
I think it will be good, and create some good pacing and distance in the necessary get-to-know-you-phase.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> She is smoking hot .
> 
> RD
> 
> You said my people .
> 
> where are you from ?


Apparently I'm from Conan's tent...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PQ6335puOc

:|



tripad said:


> Yes RD
> 
> You are going to love me then .
> 
> Growing where I am and how I am , in a poor family with "cursing" family and relatives . I can curse in multiple languages !!!!! At least 4 different languages of cuss words !!!!! LOL:x
> 
> Lol
> 
> Once , just fresh out of school and all doll up like a nice office girl , I was on a bus with another lady colleague . I noticed a man trying to molest a young school girl . I stood up got the girl to come to me and the molester tried to curse me with vulgarities and threatened to touch me instead .
> 
> I opened my mouth and vulgarities flew out at him amongst threats to call the police . I will never forget the shock om his face when he saw a nice "china doll " spew such cuss words and he scrammed away like a rat .
> 
> I turned over and saw my lady colleague gagged too . I laughed .
> 
> LOL .
> 
> Yes it was useful where necessary . Otherwise , I have learned to use the right language when I work .
> 
> Please , no offence to anyone here . I am telling my life story .


When learning new languages, the first things are the cuss words lol! 

Wow really? I would have thrown him out the bus myself. I fight well in confined spaces. Very brave of you to stand up for the girl, most people, especially where I live, will go "none of my business".

Lucky he backed off, normally people like that understand nothing but a beatdown. Also why I want my daughter to start learning self-defence early in life, but she has no interest in it. *sigh*


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

LOL, my former neighbor was swearing loudly in the wee hours at me, standing outside my window.
Calling me all kinds of things. My kids were horrified.

I opened the window and said to him, loud enough for everyone to hear (over his wailing). Well, you are breaking the lease and likely behind in your rent, also disturbing the peace, threatening and harassing me and my kids, provoking me with your trash, and breaking some civil laws by having your trash overflowing. Also I bet your vehicle isn't inspected and doesn't have enough seatbelts for all of your kids. You probably already have some kind of a record.

My lease is up to date, I'm in my own home minding my own business, and I have money for an attorney.

What can you bring to the table? You want me to call the police right now to report a disturbance?

He left and all the neighborhood could hear him lose the fight, also the best he could do was to call me some nasty names and further disturb the neighborhood. After that, nobody wanted to give him any odd jobs, and the other neighbor withdrew their kid from the wife's odd job babysitting.

When I left, just to rub it in, I put a few hundred dollars in his heating account, to provide for his wife and kids since he couldn't and I'd see the fuel truck come every day, just enough to keep their pipes from freezing (probably paid by the landlord). He was already stealing my hot water. 

People tend to swear in order to gain power they don't feel they have, or to gain status in a group.
But really, it's not necessary. You can stand up to people who swear, without swearing. You just need to know the right words.
You can even humiliate them and hurt them in the worst way by doing something nice for them, or at least something nice for the people they're abusing. 

Here, if you swear, you lose the fight. It turns you into the same as the other guy. 
Only a calm voice is needed. Sometimes even no voice. 
When I hear someone swearing out of control, I see that the person can be a loose cannon.
If you swear where I live, or have some kind of a fight, people will see you as weak and in need of some kind of intervention.
They'll look at you and feel sorry for you, thinking, what's in your life that you need to swear in order to be heard?

I think there's a huge trend here away from 'language'.

The old neighbor was in the last town where I lived, but they came from a big city south of here where it's pretty rough. Nobody will tell him to leave, but the kids will soon enough be telling daddy to can it, because they want to stay in the town where the nice people give them heat, and free sports (even skiing), and nice clothes and the librarian has personal XBox she brings in and allows the kids to eat at the library. (Mum and Dad got arrested for stealing brand name sneakers from Walmart...oops.) 

Probably the adults will learn to conform. People tend to do what it takes to eat and be comfortable. Eventually some business in town will feel sorry for him and hire him, and the guys will tell him to knock it off and just earn his paycheck and be agreeable like everyone else - get with the program, buddy.


----------



## RandomDude

=/

So tripad cussed at that sex offender, and it worked surprisingly... but homemaker you reckon she shouldn't have cussed?
Regardless, in my opinion, I vote to attack straight away without any of that.

People like that, as I mentioned, understand only the breaking of their bones. They aren't human to me so I don't try to converse to such creatures.


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> Or something like that. Absurd. And it irritates me when I get these in my inbox.
> 
> I've come up with a matrix which determines whether or not I will reply to an OLD message:
> 
> -- If our compatibility match is <75%, I do not respond at all. If compatibility match is between 75% and 85%, I review "Unacceptable answers" to questions, and decide on a case-by-case basis.
> 
> -- If his message is a BS message like "hello" or "how are you?" I won't answer, unless compatibility is better than 90% AND I think he's attractive.
> 
> -- Initial message is explicitly sexual in nature? No response.
> 
> -- No pictures (or face isn't visible in the pics)? No response.
> 
> -- Blank profile? No response.
> 
> -- In a relationship/marriage, and looking for a "friend"? In an open relationship and looking for fun? No response.
> 
> -- Immediately ask me out on a date without engaging me in conversation? No response.
> 
> -- Profile is derogatory towards women, or clearly bitter about relationships? No response.
> 
> -- Some profile pics prominently feature baby momma, but not him? No response.
> _(This was added to the matrix based on one specific OKC message. I decided it was a good rule, because that's just weird.)_
> 
> -- Profile pics are unattractive/poorly chosen? No response.
> _(Note: If I find someone physically neutral, I won't rule them out based on that alone. Some people don't photograph well, and I'm not going to penalize them for that... they could be much more attractive in person. But if they're just plain ugly, or haven't made the effort to at least TRY to get some decent pictures--and I've found these two often go hand in hand--I'm going to pass them by, because it tells me that either they don't have much self-esteem, or they don't care enough to bother. That's going to carry over into other areas, and I don't want to deal with that. But a man who might not be considered conventionally "handsome" can *make* himself attractive by taking pride in his appearance.)_
> 
> -- Located outside my general geographic vicinity? No response--unless it's a place that I know I'll be going to soon, or would like to visit in the near future, and where I might enjoy some company.
> 
> -- And then there are some other personal preferences regarding age, religion, etc., that I'll filter by as well, which will result in... you guessed it! No response.​
> I love using this... it's like my "I tip 20% across the board, no matter what" rule. It makes it simple to decide who to respond to, and it cuts down on wasted time. It eliminates a lot of guesswork. Does anybody else do this? What criteria do you use?


Interesting matrix, thanks for sharing. It's a little different for a man. We don't get very many messages. We typically need to initiate. Every now and then I get one, so they stand out from the pack. 

Luckily I've found someone and things seem to be working out well. We both just want to enjoy life and each other's company. Similar goals in life and ethos. So, my online profile is retired, at least for now. If I'm lucky for good, but such things don't need to be decided yet.


----------



## bkyln309

Acoa said:


> Interesting matrix, thanks for sharing. It's a little different for a man. We don't get very many messages. We typically need to initiate. Every now and then I get one, so they stand out from the pack.
> 
> Luckily I've found someone and things seem to be working out well. We both just want to enjoy life and each other's company. Similar goals in life and ethos. So, my online profile is retired, at least for now. If I'm lucky for good, but such things don't need to be decided yet.



Thats quite a long list of no response. Mine is no picture, open relationship or clear political differences.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> So tripad cussed at that sex offender, and it worked surprisingly... but homemaker you reckon she shouldn't have cussed?
> Regardless, in my opinion, I vote to attack straight away without any of that.
> 
> People like that, as I mentioned, understand only the breaking of their bones. They aren't human to me so I don't try to converse to such creatures.


I think there is a growing trend away from it.
In particular it wouldn't get you very far around my parts, even if you were in the right. With undesirable things or behavior here, we stare at it until it until it leaves or submits/assimilates. Once it assimilates, the past is all but forgotten. 

This is the end of the road. There are different rules here. 
We are our brother's keepers.


----------



## RandomDude

Wooooweeeee! Made the acquaintance of an absolutely stunning lady today... but but... she's taken! BAH!

*sigh*

:banghead:


----------



## Shoto1984

"It's meeting the man of my dreams. And then meeting his beautiful wife. And isn't it ironic...." You have to change the genders of course.


----------



## TooNice

Acoa said:


> Interesting matrix, thanks for sharing. It's a little different for a man. We don't get very many messages. We typically need to initiate. Every now and then I get one, so they stand out from the pack.


I hear this all the time, but I have essentially stopped messaging men. I can send a thoughtful and well written message - one that shows I have read a profile and am reaching out for a reason... and get no response over and over again. It's disheartening. 

Yet, many men get wounded when I don't reply to "hey, gorgeous". 

Sigh. This is why I am backing off and focusing on me again. Running and work and I want to cook more. I even bought some new pans.  He'll come along at some point. I'm just a little tired of looking for him right now.


----------



## TooNice

Oh, and the swearing thing? I'm never inappropriate at work or in a professional or family-friendly environment. But when I've had a little bit to drink or I am passionate about something I am talking about, I'll admit that I can get a little "colorful" without meaning to!

I try not to... it just happens sometimes!


----------



## Acoa

TooNice said:


> I hear this all the time, but I have essentially stopped messaging men. I can send a thoughtful and well written message - one that shows I have read a profile and am reaching out for a reason... and get no response over and over again. It's disheartening.
> 
> 
> 
> Yet, many men get wounded when I don't reply to "hey, gorgeous".
> 
> 
> 
> Sigh. This is why I am backing off and focusing on me again. Running and work and I want to cook more. I even bought some new pans.  He'll come along at some point. I'm just a little tired of looking for him right now.



Being happy single is a prerequisite to being happy in a relationship. 

Once I was ready I would read 100 profiles that I matched with, and send messages to the ones I liked, typically 7 or 8, if I was lucky I would get 2 or three responses and 1 would turn into a date. 

Taking a break every now and again isn't bad. Funny thing I was just starting a break when the girl I'm dating now messaged me. She looked interesting so I gave it a shot. I'm glad I did.


----------



## RandomDude

Shoto1984 said:


> "It's meeting the man of my dreams. And then meeting his beautiful wife. And isn't it ironic...." You have to change the genders of course.


Aye, and dang it, I can't get the vision of miss pretty pants outta my darn brain now 

*sigh* It seems no matter how hard I try to avoid it, some women still manage to trigger my hormones. Why can't my hormones evolve and adapt to be content with the life I have chosen for it?

My life is so tranquil and serene, yet my hormones are restless, trying to get me or someone else into trouble again!


----------



## tripad

just for laughs 

I was communicating with this guy named JJ on tinder .

Great conversation and we were supposed to meet for a drink . Then i had a bad day and i didnt reply and he unmatched me ! He must have been angry , or sensitive i would say .

Nevertheless , great conversation .

So i reinvent my tinder account trying to find him to talk again so I posted this message as my profile picture , hoping he will see and communicate again .

"JJ
Drinks ?"

AND GOSH !!!!!!! I WAS LIKE POP CHART TOP ONE HIT !!!!!

Many communicated fast and furious .

I pondered a while and had a great laugh .

For those who hasnt figure it out yet . I believe many of those read it as 

"BJ
Drinks?"


----------



## tripad

I asked one guy who said my message was "intriguing" what he think it was and he smartly said it was interesting but cant infer much .

Another asked me to meet as he was here for 3 days only.

Another said he is unhappily married and asked to be my close friend so I told him to get back to his wife .

I didnt post my picture in this account , just those words .

They all thought it was "BJ and drinks " I guess >


----------



## TooNice

Acoa said:


> Being happy single is a prerequisite to being happy in a relationship.


Oh, there is so much truth to this! I think most of us here embrace this, but so many people I know do not. It's sad to see.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Why can't my hormones evolve and adapt to be content with the life I have chosen for it?


Because you are only human, RD. :wink2:


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> just for laughs
> 
> I was communicating with this guy named JJ on tinder .
> 
> Great conversation and we were supposed to meet for a drink . Then i had a bad day and i didnt reply and he unmatched me ! He must have been angry , or sensitive i would say .
> 
> Nevertheless , great conversation .
> 
> So i reinvent my tinder account trying to find him to talk again so I posted this message as my profile picture , hoping he will see and communicate again .
> 
> "JJ
> Drinks ?"
> 
> AND GOSH !!!!!!! I WAS LIKE POP CHART TOP ONE HIT !!!!!
> 
> Many communicated fast and furious .
> 
> I pondered a while and had a great laugh .
> 
> For those who hasnt figure it out yet . I believe many of those read it as
> 
> "BJ
> Drinks?"


Tinder is just an app...and technology fails. I have had my app disappear and had to start over. Some people do "reset" on purpose, but you can't be sure what happened.

It's just my opinion, but in the world of OLD, I think the best approach is to take everything with a grain of salt. Not everyone is looking for a ONS; not everyone is cheating on their spouse. And even if they are, so what? I haven't walked in their shoes...I don't know what drove them to their decisions. If I disagree, I don't engage. They will find someone else who will. I swipe and move on. 

At least you got to have some conversations. Hopefully some of them were with people you align with better.


----------



## tripad

The good conversations greatly compensated for the others.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> The good conversations greatly compensated for the others.


Glad to hear that!


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> Because you are only human, RD. :wink2:


But other humans have succeeded in celibacy too... but then again, they are locked up in a monastery somewhere and away from wimmenz!

Maybe I just need another ONS like last lay - I felt so disgusted with myself I went celibate for half a year


----------



## free2beme14

I'm now officially/legally a member of this group and haven't dated since I was 20 years old. I have no idea what half this stuff means, is there a "dating for dummies over 40"


----------



## Acoa

free2beme14 said:


> I'm now officially/legally a member of this group and haven't dated since I was 20 years old. I have no idea what half this stuff means, is there a "dating for dummies over 40"



Welcome to the club. There are many articles available about dating I've 40, all are just opinions. 

May basic suggestion, heal thyself first. Flirt a bit, have fun. Don't dive into deep commitment until you are ready. Post D it's easy to draw too close to unhealthy mates. 

When you are ready, you'll know.


----------



## Healer

Hey y'all, been a while. Hope everyone is doing well.

I haven't "dated" since I ended things with RG back in August. I have, however been seeing my FWB since then - once a week or once every 2 weeks. It's going well so far - we both seem to have our needs met. The sex is awesome and we get along. I'm not interested beyond that.

I wax and wane between wanting a GF and not. I think I do but then think how much I enjoy my freedom.

Also - as you know, being a single parent is hard. I have my kids Friday-Monday morning, so I never have weekends free. This is a huge obstacle in the dating world. How can I get around this? Dating during the week? I figure a woman is going to get tired of that fast and want some weekend time. Babysitters...I guess, but I moved to a new 'hood and don't know anyone. 

How long will I be happy with just FWB? How long will she be into it? I don't know. I've stopped looking - I'm off of all the OLD sites. I don't go out during the week - it's tough to find the energy. I work in a skyscraper full of beautiful women but have zero idea how to broach that. In the elevator do you just say "hey baby, going down?"


----------



## FeministInPink

free2beme14 said:


> I'm now officially/legally a member of this group and haven't dated since I was 20 years old. I have no idea what half this stuff means, is there a "dating for dummies over 40"


Check out Amazon. There are actually a LOT of books about re-entering the dating world after divorce.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> Hey y'all, been a while. Hope everyone is doing well.
> 
> I haven't "dated" since I ended things with RG back in August. I have, however been seeing my FWB since then - once a week or once every 2 weeks. It's going well so far - we both seem to have our needs met. The sex is awesome and we get along. I'm not interested beyond that.
> 
> I wax and wane between wanting a GF and not. I think I do but then think how much I enjoy my freedom.
> 
> Also - as you know, being a single parent is hard. I have my kids Friday-Monday morning, so I never have weekends free. This is a huge obstacle in the dating world. How can I get around this? Dating during the week? I figure a woman is going to get tired of that fast and want some weekend time. Babysitters...I guess, but I moved to a new 'hood and don't know anyone.
> 
> How long will I be happy with just FWB? How long will she be into it? I don't know. I've stopped looking - I'm off of all the OLD sites. I don't go out during the week - it's tough to find the energy. I work in a skyscraper full of beautiful women but have zero idea how to broach that. In the elevator do you just say "hey baby, going down?"


I get the wax and wane thing. I think I would like a BF, but then I think of how happy I am with my independence and freedom. I think maybe the important thing is finding a partner who can respect your need for independence and individuality. 

Regarding the hot women in your building... start with a complement, and have a follow-up question (not yes/no answer) ready for when she says thank you for the compliment.


----------



## Healer

FeministInPink said:


> I get the wax and wane thing. I think I would like a BF, but then I think of how happy I am with my independence and freedom. I think maybe the important thing is finding a partner who can respect your need for independence and individuality.
> 
> Regarding the hot women in your building... start with a complement, and have a follow-up question (not yes/no answer) ready for when she says thank you for the compliment.


Good call. There's this one who sometimes wears leather pants. I have been on the elevator with her alone before. The cold approach terrifies me. I need to just man up and do it.

How about "Nice pants. Where did you get them? I think they'd look great on me".


----------



## tripad

Healer said:


> Hey y'all, been a while. Hope everyone is doing well.
> 
> I haven't "dated" since I ended things with RG back in August. I have, however been seeing my FWB since then - once a week or once every 2 weeks. It's going well so far - we both seem to have our needs met. The sex is awesome and we get along. I'm not interested beyond that.
> 
> I wax and wane between wanting a GF and not. I think I do but then think how much I enjoy my freedom.
> 
> Also - as you know, being a single parent is hard. I have my kids Friday-Monday morning, so I never have weekends free. This is a huge obstacle in the dating world. How can I get around this? Dating during the week? I figure a woman is going to get tired of that fast and want some weekend time. Babysitters...I guess, but I moved to a new 'hood and don't know anyone.
> 
> How long will I be happy with just FWB? How long will she be into it? I don't know. I've stopped looking - I'm off of all the OLD sites. I don't go out during the week - it's tough to find the energy. I work in a skyscraper full of beautiful women but have zero idea how to broach that. In the elevator do you just say "hey baby, going down?"



Do that! ask! 

The worst you can get is a no. 

I was at a supermarket sometime back and I bumped into the same guy twice and he looked hard at me and I could see he was thinking what you are thinking, do I ask. He didn't. I walked away. I was telling myself I would give him my telephone number if he asked he's cute. But he didn't.


----------



## tripad

free2beme14 said:


> I'm now officially/legally a member of this group and haven't dated since I was 20 years old. I have no idea what half this stuff means, is there a "dating for dummies over 40"



Wow 

That's long. No dating for 20 years.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Wow
> 
> That's long. No dating for 20 years.


Yep. I'm back on the scene after 22 years. It's a whole new world.


----------



## TooNice

free2beme14 said:


> I'm now officially/legally a member of this group and haven't dated since I was 20 years old. I have no idea what half this stuff means, is there a "dating for dummies over 40"


For me, it's been a process of simply relearning who I am as a person...as a woman...without being connected to someone else. I've dated a variety of men to try to figure out what I am even drawn to in a man now. It's been a real learning curve, but one I have enjoyed. I would suggest just having fun with it to start and always be sure to take time for yourself and give yourself room to grow through these early times.

You'll be just fine.


----------



## Healer

tripad said:


> Do that! ask!
> 
> The worst you can get is a no.
> 
> I was at a supermarket sometime back and I bumped into the same guy twice and he looked hard at me and I could see he was thinking what you are thinking, do I ask. He didn't. I walked away. I was telling myself I would give him my telephone number if he asked he's cute. But he didn't.


That's awesome, thanks. Good to know you would respond to that. I don't know why it's SO scary. Rejection - yes, but not as much as my fear of embarrassment. It's ridiculous. I work with a lot of women - all ages. I have an excellent rapport with all of them, make them laugh, intelligent conversation. But when it comes to chatting up a woman I don't know with the intention of wanting to ask her out, it becomes the scariest thing ever. Why I wonder? I can get up and sing/play guitar in front of 1000 people without batting an eye. But approach a female I don't know?? It seems impossible.


----------



## tripad

If she looks back at you a second time. Then look away. She or I was just being coy. So Do it. 

If she looks away totally , she's not interested. 

Hope that helps.


----------



## FeministInPink

Healer said:


> That's awesome, thanks. Good to know you would respond to that. I don't know why it's SO scary. Rejection - yes, but not as much as my fear of embarrassment. It's ridiculous. I work with a lot of women - all ages. I have an excellent rapport with all of them, make them laugh, intelligent conversation. But when it comes to chatting up a woman I don't know with the intention of wanting to ask her out, it becomes the scariest thing ever. Why I wonder? I can get up and sing/play guitar in front of 1000 people without batting an eye. But approach a female I don't know?? It seems impossible.


I totally get it, Healer. I am witty, engaging, funny, talented, intelligent, and all-around awesome, but approaching a man I find attractive causes my brain to cease functioning, and I get tongue-tied and can't think of anything to say. It's awful.

If I have a good wingman, I can pull it off. But a really good wingman is also hard to find.


----------



## RandomDude

AGAIN! >.<

Bah! I really should stamp a "not available" sign on my forehead

Flattering though, just... awkward... bah!!!
Damn it, from just that first look at her eyes, I knew she was going to try something. BAH!

Should have excused myself much earlier... *sigh* Damn it I knew... *sigh*

Meh, anyway...


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> Yep. I'm back on the scene after 22 years. It's a whole new world.


Sheez, after 20 years, it would be, society's expectations, cultural standards, technology and communications, human mating has got alot more complicated!



FeministInPink said:


> I totally get it, Healer. I am witty, engaging, funny, talented, intelligent, and all-around awesome, but approaching a man I find attractive causes my brain to cease functioning, and I get tongue-tied and can't think of anything to say. It's awful.
> 
> If I have a good wingman, I can pull it off. But a really good wingman is also hard to find.


=/

Wouldn't say that's a bad thing... tell me, do you get tongue-tied even if he shows interest back?

Personally I don't jump into the fire myself, I make sure its green lights all the way, less awkward. If a woman is not interested, I can tell and don't bother with the approach. If she is, and I feel confident in their interest in me, the words/approach comes out naturally.

Smoother that way


----------



## Shoto1984

I'm back dating for awhile now and I must say it seems the same ole same ole to me. With few exceptions people seem to revert to their immature, insecure, unevolved ways. You'd think that having lived 40+ plus years would get you some improvement in character and behavior but I haven't seen it.


----------



## free2beme14

I want someone to go to movies with, dinner, sporting events and maybe vacations. Don't want anyone who wants to move in or get married, but definitely want more than FWB. Which I had offered from someone I have known a long time, and actually have feelings for, so I didn't think that was a good plan.


----------



## anewstart60

free2beme14 said:


> I want someone to go to movies with, dinner, sporting events and maybe vacations. Don't want anyone who wants to move in or get married, but definitely want more than FWB. Which I had offered from someone I have known a long time, and actually have feelings for, so I didn't think that was a good plan.


Exactly how I feel!
I would think this would be a more prevalent feeling from women who have come out of long relationships.


----------



## joannacroc

anewstart60 said:


> Exactly how I feel!
> I would think this would be a more prevalent feeling from women who have come out of long relationships.


Spot on. And me too. It's hard to find a happy medium between someone looking to pick out curtains and someone who wants to immediately sleep with everyone they date. 

On a side note, sometimes I feel bad, because as much of a feminist as I am, a lot of first dates seem to have kind of a feminine demeanor and I just don't find that attractive at all.


----------



## RandomDude

Shoto1984 said:


> I'm back dating for awhile now and I must say it seems the same ole same ole to me. With few exceptions people seem to revert to their immature, insecure, unevolved ways. You'd think that having lived 40+ plus years would get you some improvement in character and behavior but I haven't seen it.


'Tis because hormones messes up your cognitive and behavioural functions!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, after 20 years, it would be, society's expectations, cultural standards, technology and communications, human mating has got alot more complicated!
> 
> 
> 
> =/
> 
> Wouldn't say that's a bad thing... tell me, do you get tongue-tied even if he shows interest back?
> 
> Personally I don't jump into the fire myself, I make sure its green lights all the way, less awkward. If a woman is not interested, I can tell and don't bother with the approach. If she is, and I feel confident in their interest in me, the words/approach comes out naturally.
> 
> Smoother that way


If I am approached by a guy I find attractive/want to talk to, I'm usually good. I might say some stupid stuff, but generally I do well with it. I'm my usual engaging self. Because I know he's interested in talking to me. I know I'm not imposing myself on him.

If I'm not approached, I will actively AVOID making the approach myself, and avoid the whole eye contact thing, because I don't want to seem like I'm staring. But if someone introduces me, then I have a reason to be talking to him, and there's a jumping-off point for conversation...


----------



## RandomDude

That's a good thing.

I prefer it when women do it your way actually, not approaching, not staring. When the signals are more subtle, it makes any romantic exchange polite and non-awkward, not putting me on the spot. Other men may have different opinions however.

As an example, that lady yesterday I was introduced to, wasn't subtle at all, such flutters can be very uncomfortable, especially when I'm not interested - which she seemed to have failed to discern. 

She may have gotten away with it if she was super hot, like "laundry lady" a few years back, but only after she opened her mouth to talk to me - and stopped staring!


----------



## optimalprimus

FeministInPink said:


> If I am approached by a guy I find attractive/want to talk to, I'm usually good. I might say some stupid stuff, but generally I do well with it. I'm my usual engaging self. Because I know he's interested in talking to me. I know I'm not imposing myself on him.
> 
> If I'm not approached, I will actively AVOID making the approach myself, and avoid the whole eye contact thing, because I don't want to seem like I'm staring. But if someone introduces me, then I have a reason to be talking to him, and there's a jumping-off point for conversation...


FIP - just make the eye contact. That is really important for most men (and an even bigger proportion of high quality men) to make a move.

You really can't lose as you're not embarassing yourself (well unless you're really staring) but you give off enough of a signal.

If i didn't share eye contact with women i don't think I'd have ever gone on a date ever!

Good luck.


----------



## tripad

men 

elaborate on the share eye contact .

like do we make eye contact and hold , like stare , to let you know I am interested ? lol

or we give you a second look and look away ? so we wont be called staring . more ladylike . more coy . more subtle .


----------



## RandomDude

NO STARING! It makes me feel uncomfortable, 3 seconds look and pull away is polite.
Besides I can tell a woman's interest with just the eyes within a second, so 3 seconds is more than enough to convey one's interest.

If you want to look more than 3 seconds, engage in conversation! If I don't make a move, I'm not interested. Regardless there's no awkwardness.

However, this is a cultural thing, in Western culture, where I'm brought up, I find it uncomfortable. When travelling to Asia, or even the bloody laundry (one of my dates in the past) I noticed Asian women stare with impunity, but it's more acceptable there no? For me, bah!

Also if I pull away or try to avoid eye contact, it means I'm not comfortable. If I look deeply into one's eyes, almost like trying to read her, it means I'm interested.
Also if I'm not interested, and we're conversing I would be trying to turn the lady off (I drop bombs - like, I have a kid! So stay away  ) , if I am interested though, I would be trying to impress her, and more careful with dropping bombs.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

This is all so complicated! I just look people in the eye as best I can, all the time. I guess I come across as direct, or interested even when I am not? Sometimes it's a challenge, like if a woman is wearing a low-cut blouse that says "forget eyes - look here!" Or there's a Mole!

If I find looking them in the eye uncomfortable (some people are creepy to make eye contact with) I focus on the bridge of their nose.

To me, it's disrespectful to avoid eye contact if you are talking with someone face to face, like it conveys disinterest.

Guess it's a good thing I'm not dating. I'd screw it up.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Tis simple for me, and maintaining eye contact *during* conversation is normal, like I mentioned.

Just don't be like this lady:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/123914-laundry-lady-wont-stop-staring.html

(Now sure, I ended up dating her, but that's only because 1) she's my type and 2) after I approached her she actually could flirt!)

Still, I wasn't ready for her... if only I met her again now...


----------



## optimalprimus

tripad said:


> men
> 
> elaborate on the share eye contact .
> 
> like do we make eye contact and hold , like stare , to let you know I am interested ? lol
> 
> or we give you a second look and look away ? so we wont be called staring . more ladylike . more coy . more subtle .


Yes multiple looks but not staring is the way forward. Obviously i can only speak for myself (and I've nor been single for almost 10 years). But I'm pretty confident that eye contact is a great way of indicating potential interest without having to go in and make the conversation. In the uk women very rarely approach men so without the eye contact it would be almost impossible to tell if a woman liked the cut of your jib.


----------



## RandomDude

optimalprimus said:


> cut of your jib.


:|


----------



## tripad

There is a UK single dad who asked me out twice during my divorce and I side stepped the invites incase my H accused me of adultery . He comforted me during those times . Like once every 2-3 months , i would text him .

fast forward , divorce over , and I thought it is fair if I invite him .

I did . He replied will arrange but didnt .

After a few weeks , I get the hint , it is not happening and maybe he has found someone or whatever .

I run into him a few months back and as usual i was friendly and spoke with him . Thought he was acting reserved .

ran into him again and text him later to say hello . thought his response was a little cold .

Today , I ran into him again and felt that he purposely avoid me .

That hurts . If he has no interest in me , we can still be friends.

men ? why ?


----------



## tripad

Like the guy from tinder who responded with honest open request for a FWB or FB . After I rejected him , we talked a little . I asked him how men think and he replied and providing his insights .

Just friends .

of course he offered "himself "as always available anytime I change my mind about being his FWB .


----------



## optimalprimus

tripad said:


> There is a UK single dad who asked me out twice during my divorce and I side stepped the invites incase my H accused me of adultery . He comforted me during those times . Like once every 2-3 months , i would text him .
> 
> fast forward , divorce over , and I thought it is fair if I invite him .
> 
> I did . He replied will arrange but didnt .
> 
> After a few weeks , I get the hint , it is not happening and maybe he has found someone or whatever .
> 
> I run into him a few months back and as usual i was friendly and spoke with him . Thought he was acting reserved .
> 
> ran into him again and text him later to say hello . thought his response was a little cold .
> 
> Today , I ran into him again and felt that he purposely avoid me .
> 
> That hurts . If he has no interest in me , we can still be friends.
> 
> men ? why ?


Perhaps he doesn't want a female friend.

Lots of people on here don't believe men and women should be just friends, so if he has a partner he might not want to develop a friendship with you.

I'm not that way. But it is understandable. 

Or....he may just be protecting himself if he thinks youre not really that interested in him.


----------



## free2beme14

tripad said:


> Like the guy from tinder who responded with honest open request for a FWB or FB . After I rejected him , we talked a little . I asked him how men think and he replied and providing his insights .
> 
> Just friends .
> 
> of course he offered "himself "as always available anytime I change my mind about being his FWB .


This who FWB thing amazes me--I'm not that way never have been. I need some type of intellectual connection before I go there. A guy I've known forever and I have had drinks a few times and text, I always thought he was a good mannered southern boy. Monday he texts me saying he's looking for FWB--first I had to look up what it meant and then I was shocked, never expected it from him. Of course I'm also thinking, maybe you should kiss me first?! 

I'm 45 (don't look that old), have a good job, working on a Master's degree, stable, no drama. Seems like all the guys want a 10 in looks and no substance. Can someone just ask me to dinner and have some conversation first?


----------



## RandomDude

Erm, no tripad. Not all men are content being in the friend zone. Even me - unless I get benefits!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

free2beme14 said:


> This who FWB thing amazes me--I'm not that way never have been. I need some type of intellectual connection before I go there. A guy I've known forever and I have had drinks a few times and text, I always thought he was a good mannered southern boy. Monday he texts me saying he's looking for FWB--first I had to look up what it meant and then I was shocked, never expected it from him. Of course I'm also thinking, maybe you should kiss me first?!
> 
> I'm 45 (don't look that old), have a good job, working on a Master's degree, stable, no drama. Seems like all the guys want a 10 in looks and no substance. Can someone just ask me to dinner and have some conversation first?


Hey, wanna go grab some dinner and conversation with me? :wink2:


----------



## vi_bride04

free2beme14 said:


> Seems like all the guys want a 10 in looks and no substance. Can someone just ask me to dinner and have some conversation first?


So agree with this. I feel I seriously intimidate the average guys out there when they learn I have alot of interests/hobbies and can hold interesting conversations. 

Ooh no! She's a person, not just a screw...Lol


----------



## tripad

optimalprimus said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> There is a UK single dad who asked me out twice during my divorce and I side stepped the invites incase my H accused me of adultery . He comforted me during those times . Like once every 2-3 months , i would text him .
> 
> fast forward , divorce over , and I thought it is fair if I invite him .
> 
> I did . He replied will arrange but didnt .
> 
> After a few weeks , I get the hint , it is not happening and maybe he has found someone or whatever .
> 
> I run into him a few months back and as usual i was friendly and spoke with him . Thought he was acting reserved .
> 
> ran into him again and text him later to say hello . thought his response was a little cold .
> 
> Today , I ran into him again and felt that he purposely avoid me .
> 
> That hurts . If he has no interest in me , we can still be friends.
> 
> men ? why ?
> 
> 
> 
> Perhaps he doesn't want a female friend.
> 
> Lots of people on here don't believe men and women should be just friends, so if he has a partner he might not want to develop a friendship with you.
> 
> I'm not that way. But it is understandable.
> 
> Or....he may just be protecting himself if he thinks youre not really that interested in him.
Click to expand...

If he has a female friend , I understand , but I am just that friendly neighbor who waves and chats whenever i see you , that's all . I have gotten over the divorce so I try not to a bother and text him n lament n cry anymore .

If he thinks he's friend zone , he's wrong . I would love to date him and possibly have a relationship with him. Not when I was going through a divorce. 

Now , how would get that idea across now in a subtle manner hmmmmmmm


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Erm, no tripad. Not all men are content being in the friend zone. Even me - unless I get benefits!



Friend first then benefits ? So we know we are at least compatible in the mind before we have the sex ?

He or any man can't expect me to hit the sex button before I know you better ? Otherwise how many man must I sleep with before I find a man compatible to me ? 

Honestly , if only he knows , I would love to have " benefits " with him . can't wait . can imagine it . but after relationship is established .


----------



## tripad

TheGoodGuy said:


> free2beme14 said:
> 
> 
> 
> This who FWB thing amazes me--I'm not that way never have been. I need some type of intellectual connection before I go there. A guy I've known forever and I have had drinks a few times and text, I always thought he was a good mannered southern boy. Monday he texts me saying he's looking for FWB--first I had to look up what it meant and then I was shocked, never expected it from him. Of course I'm also thinking, maybe you should kiss me first?!
> 
> I'm 45 (don't look that old), have a good job, working on a Master's degree, stable, no drama. Seems like all the guys want a 10 in looks and no substance. Can someone just ask me to dinner and have some conversation first?
> 
> 
> 
> Hey, wanna go grab some dinner and conversation with me?
Click to expand...

Well exactly . 

Just told one guy who texted me " I am a horny guy so ......" , n i text him to find another horny ***** on the streets , I am not meat .


----------



## RandomDude

Well ok...

Alright, for me personally, women get classed into categories in my mind; potential long-term companion, potential friend with benefits, and potential friend.

Perhaps he saw you as a potential long-term companion. Now for me - when I see some as long-term I won't be satisfied with a friends OR FWB relationship - I want the whole package. All or nothing. If the lady in question saw me as a friend or even just a FWB - I would still want my space and avoid her because I'm already emotionally compromised in her presence and a friends/FWB arrangement simply will not work.

Does that make sense? =/


----------



## tripad

I understand 

I guess he is not getting something from me and he avoids me .

Emmmm , I would think he sees me as long term potential . I don't look like fwb type . 

What makes him think I won't want a relationship with him ?

Just not when i am in midst of divorce ?

So how to get him to be interested now that I am done with divorce and available ?


----------



## optimalprimus

tripad said:


> I understand
> 
> I guess he is not getting something from me and he avoids me .
> 
> Emmmm , I would think he sees me as long term potential . I don't look like fwb type .
> 
> What makes him think I won't want a relationship with him ?
> 
> Just not when i am in midst of divorce ?
> 
> So how to get him to be interested now that I am done with divorce and available ?


Just approach him and ask him out next time you see him. If he says no, accept it.


----------



## tripad

Urghhhhh

Then I got to dig a hole and put my head in it and hide .


----------



## RandomDude

Perhaps he doesn't believe that you rejected him due to the divorce, and took it personally instead. Who knows, we can only guess.


----------



## optimalprimus

tripad said:


> Urghhhhh
> 
> Then I got to dig a hole and put my head in it and hide .


 Sorry - sounds like you should just move on from this one. You clearly don't communicate naturally with one another anyway. Not worth forcing things when compatibility is important to you.


----------



## tripad

Yup

Moving on

Communication not straight forward 

I hate n have no time for second guessing , esp after my ex .


----------



## RandomDude

Don't know if I'm seeing things but ex-wife has been looking at me/acting differently since our Halloween party with our daughter and her friends.

:scratchhead:

Or maybe it's my haircut? Been attracting the eyes of ladies lately, meh
It's starting to make me uncomfortable, maybe I should just grow my moustache and get ugly again


----------



## unsure78

[/QUOTE]
I am just that friendly neighbor who waves and chats whenever i see you , that's all . I have gotten over the divorce so I try not to a bother and text him n lament n cry anymore .

[/QUOTE]

So that may have been your problem here...if you were lamenting and crying to this man about your divorce you may have killed any chance for a relationship with him. Most people find that hearing about the ex as a turnoff.


----------



## gouge_away

Dumped
I'll never find one like her again, wow do I wish we could remain friends, but probably best to just move on. She was amazing! I'm broken.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

gouge_away said:


> Dumped
> I'll never find one like her again, wow do I wish we could remain friends, but probably best to just move on. She was amazing! I'm broken.


So sorry


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Don't know if I'm seeing things but ex-wife has been looking at me/acting differently since our Halloween party with our daughter and her friends.
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> Or maybe it's my haircut? Been attracting the eyes of ladies lately, meh
> It's starting to make me uncomfortable, maybe I should just grow my moustache and get ugly again


I'm the poster child for not reconciling with an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. It was two years ago this time of year my ex started trying to get back with me and I stupidly fell for it. The second break was even more painful than the first. 

Don't do it.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> Dumped
> I'll never find one like her again, wow do I wish we could remain friends, but probably best to just move on. She was amazing! I'm broken.


If she broke up with you, there was something about it that wasn't right, even if you couldn't see it yourself. Don't worry, you're not broken. You're just bent a little, and you'll get back into shape if you take care of yourself. You have onitis right now. You'll find someone else who is a better fit for you. 

If she was the right fit, she wouldn't have broken up with you. She would have recognized how great you are and what she had in you, if she was the right fit.

*hugs*


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm the poster child for not reconciling with an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. It was two years ago this time of year my ex started trying to get back with me and I stupidly fell for it. The second break was even more painful than the first.
> 
> Don't do it.


I AGREE!!!

RD, don't go there again!


----------



## RandomDude

It's probably nothing, or maybe I just looked attractive recently after my haircut or something - or maybe my happy vibe radiated for a while and became contagious? Whatever it is, I don't think she wants to reconcile, she made it very clear last time I brought it up that it's not going to happen. Meh I dunno

Ex-wife isn't exactly a bad woman, I still hold alot of respect for her, and towards the end of the marriage ex and I were actually getting somewhere too, but the problem was that there was just too much pain and hurt that we HAD to split. Now we've had years to heal, and developed a good 'working relationship' as co-parents... meh, I dunno she rejected my consideration for reconciliation already so, whatever. Quite frankly looking at my own threads I don't see how bad she was, I see how bad I handled everything. I wasn't a good husband, period.

But whatever, past is past, annoying we always have to keep seeing each other's faces.

EDIT: Friendship too strong a word, 'working relationship' describes our relations better methinks...


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> If she broke up with you, there was something about it that wasn't right, even if you couldn't see it yourself. Don't worry, you're not broken. You're just bent a little, and you'll get back into shape if you take care of yourself. You have onitis right now. You'll find someone else who is a better fit for you.
> 
> If she was the right fit, she wouldn't have broken up with you. She would have recognized how great you are and what she had in you, if she was the right fit.
> 
> *hugs*


Everything was beautiful unyil about 2 weeks ago.
•I haven't been able to O in weeks.
•I can't stop obsessing about my divorce.
•I'm senseless at best and negative at worst.
•Every conversation turns into a conversation about my horrible ex.

_these are things I have noticed, none of which she brought up_

I wasn't being fair to her, and letting her go is only fair. If I were healed, I would have never let her go.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> Everything was beautiful unyil about 2 weeks ago.
> •I haven't been able to O in weeks.
> •I can't stop obsessing about my divorce.
> •I'm senseless at best and negative at worst.
> •Every conversation turns into a conversation about my horrible ex.
> 
> _these are things I have noticed, none of which she brought up_
> 
> I wasn't being fair to her, and letting her go is only fair. If I were healed, I would have never let her go.


It sounds like you weren't (AREN'T) ready for a relationship. No shame in that. You WILL meet someone else.

It sounds like you never dealt with the trauma of your divorce. If you're not already, get into IC and work through the above issues before you start dating again. That is the best thing you can do for yourself and any potential partner.


----------



## tripad

I am just that friendly neighbor who waves and chats whenever i see you , that's all . I have gotten over the divorce so I try not to a bother and text him n lament n cry anymore .

[/QUOTE]

So that may have been your problem here...if you were lamenting and crying to this man about your divorce you may have killed any chance for a relationship with him. Most people find that hearing about the ex as a turnoff.[/QUOTE]

Errrrr

But he first approach me to ask me to talk about my divorce and ask what happened .

I dont talk to him about anything much usually except casual hello how are you goodbye .

It was meant to be a friend I had assumed 

It was later that i thought he may be interested in me .


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm the poster child for not reconciling with an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. It was two years ago this time of year my ex started trying to get back with me and I stupidly fell for it. The second break was even more painful than the first.
> 
> Don't do it.


was the second break for the same reason in the first break ?

people never change right ?

I am preparing for that to come , to remember to say no , since I am a person who will forget what we are fighting about and move on and forget and forgive .

My strength became my weakness.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> It's probably nothing, or maybe I just looked attractive recently after my haircut or something - or maybe my happy vibe radiated for a while and became contagious? Whatever it is, I don't think she wants to reconcile, she made it very clear last time I brought it up that it's not going to happen. Meh I dunno
> 
> Ex-wife isn't exactly a bad woman, I still hold alot of respect for her, and towards the end of the marriage ex and I were actually getting somewhere too, but the problem was that there was just too much pain and hurt that we HAD to split. Now we've had years to heal, and developed a good 'working relationship' as co-parents... meh, I dunno she rejected my consideration for reconciliation already so, whatever. Quite frankly looking at my own threads I don't see how bad she was, I see how bad I handled everything. I wasn't a good husband, period.
> 
> But whatever, past is past, annoying we always have to keep seeing each other's faces.
> 
> EDIT: Friendship too strong a word, 'working relationship' describes our relations better methinks...


oh no . RD .

whatever .

at least you are man enough to admit it .

My ex despite doing all he did to me , told me in my face he was a great husband and father and it is my lost .


----------



## tripad

Hey ladies with experience on date sites

help me here

I have a guy , never married , who just text me and on second e mail , said he wanted to wake up to look into my eyes and to hold me and walk by the beach , and to raise my kids with me .

I find it cheesy or is something wrong with me ? Like am I not affectionate and ladylike to " like " such poetic verses ?

Anyway I am afraid of a man who said he want to raise my kids with me . I wonder if it is my maternal territorial instinct here but when I read that , I was like "No , those are my kids , stay away " 

any input .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Hey ladies with experience on date sites
> 
> help me here
> 
> I have a guy , never married , who just text me and on second e mail , said he wanted to wake up to look into my eyes and to hold me and walk by the beach , and to raise my kids with me .
> 
> I find it cheesy or is something wrong with me ? Like am I not affectionate and ladylike to " like " such poetic verses ?
> 
> Anyway I am afraid of a man who said he want to raise my kids with me . I wonder if it is my maternal territorial instinct here but when I read that , I was like "No , those are my kids , stay away "
> 
> any input .


If he's never met you, this is total BS. Just block him.
It's not romantic at all, it's just creepy and inappropriate.
He knows nothing about you or your kids. 

A guy who expresses a sincere interest in dating and actually getting to know you isn't going to say such BS things up front. He just wants to take you on a fantasy fling. If you play along with this line of communication, that's exactly what you'll get. Do you really want a relationship with someone who has so little judgement skills that he will say such things without getting to know someone first?

To be honest, this is skirt chasing at best. 

Even if he's sincere, he's a dufus. You would want someone who knows how to behave in a relationship, not someone who's always saying weird stuff that makes you wonder what he's getting at.


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> Hey ladies with experience on date sites
> 
> help me here
> 
> I have a guy , never married , who just text me and on second e mail , said he wanted to wake up to look into my eyes and to hold me and walk by the beach , and to raise my kids with me .
> 
> I find it cheesy or is something wrong with me ? Like am I not affectionate and ladylike to " like " such poetic verses ?
> 
> Anyway I am afraid of a man who said he want to raise my kids with me . I wonder if it is my maternal territorial instinct here but when I read that , I was like "No , those are my kids , stay away "
> 
> any input .


I second Uno's sentiment. Major red flag. He is saying what you want to hear to get 'close' to you as quickly as possible. Best case he wants to have sex with you then disappear, worst case he is an abuser and is grooming you to be a victim. Seriously, watch out on this one.

Like Uno said, a guy is going to want to get to know you first. This guy is playing, so run. Unless you want to play back and are mentally and spiritually fit for such things.


----------



## vi_bride04

If some guy I never met or really talked to told me he wanted to raise kids with me I'd immediately block him


----------



## tripad

In his subsequent mail, he said he will move to my country if I am the right woman and asked if I own or rent my house and what is my living condition . 

Well looking at my photos , he would guess I am definitely not in destitute . And he knows I have a career . 

Makes me feel like he is a leech who has intention to move under my roof and leech me .

OMG . Man gold digger .

In another separate case , a man after the hellos , asked me if I am at work , then he followed with do you drive or walk to work . I said I drive . He said his wife just died 3 months ago and he is so happy to talk to me . DUH ?!! Your wife died 3 months , you should be mourning . Block .


----------



## tripad

Just play along and see where he is heading .

Just replied to him that he should move to my country and get his own place and job then start to get to know me as I have no intention of letting any man into my house for my children's sake . And that if he wants to marry me and raise kids with me , my expectation of a man is that he cares for us like a family and feed and provide for me as a wife .

Now , let's see if he is still keen to raise kids with me :grin2:

Good God . I am feeding my two boys . Do you think I will feed a 50 year old leech ? Honestly if I am going to feed my man , I will take my pick , a young puppy dog perhaps . Just saying . It is not something I will do . I do fine without a man .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> In his subsequent mail, he said he will move to my country if I am the right woman and asked if I own or rent my house and what is my living condition .
> 
> Well looking at my photos , he would guess I am definitely not in destitute . And he knows I have a career .
> 
> Makes me feel like he is a leech who has intention to move under my roof and leech me .
> 
> OMG . Man gold digger .
> 
> In another separate case , a man after the hellos , asked me if I am at work , then he followed with do you drive or walk to work . I said I drive . He said his wife just died 3 months ago and he is so happy to talk to me . DUH ?!! Your wife died 3 months , you should be mourning . Block .


Run away, run away!!!


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> oh no . RD .
> 
> whatever .
> 
> at least you are man enough to admit it .
> 
> My ex despite doing all he did to me , told me in my face he was a great husband and father and it is my lost .


Father always told me with power comes responsibility, and accepting responsibility also grants you power - in this case, the power to learn and change from your mistakes.

Come to think of it, professionally the mentality is also helpful, I assumed leadership, assumed responsibility, and learned the skills necessary to succeed. In the end, it sure empowered me.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Father always told me with power comes responsibility, and accepting responsibility also grants you power - in this case, the power to learn and change from your mistakes.
> 
> Come to think of it, professionally the mentality is also helpful, I assumed leadership, assumed responsibility, and learned the skills necessary to succeed. In the end, it sure empowered me.



i wish my ex would be sorry for what he did , at least , that would make me feel better . even if he cant make good the money .


----------



## RandomDude

Think I'm one of the lucky ones to have a respectable ex I guess.
Well unlucky as well since my dates have to compare to her, and most just don't measure up. Last one was decent but too materialistic for me (even though by my city's standards she would be considered normal)

At least for you, any financially responsible man could be a match 
For me, they have to be as good or better than my ex-wife. Sure she had problems, but her good sides - if I'm to invest in another relationship, I can't accept any less.

Regardless as long as my hormones don't get triggered I'm happy. My days are filled with laughs and jokes, even at work, and tons of fun and cuteness at home with my daughter. I'm complete.


----------



## tripad

update 

It gets interesting . I am laughing . Amused .

I e mailed him ,if you want to be my man , husband , father , You have to feed and care for me .

He actually replied that he has no problems with that and he would look for a place for him and MEEEE !!!!! and we can be happy together !!!!!!

Ok , this guy is a goof ball . He forgot that I have 2 kids in my home now .

Nvm that , he probably is desperate for a family and will be needy and suffocating . At least , he is not a leech . 

he talks about having kids with me when I dont even know if I will have sex with him . Strange dude . 

He said I am the only one who replied his email .:surprise: I wonder if I should be kind and explain where he has gone wrong .

He reminds me of the show " the 40 year old virgin ".


----------



## tripad

advice on second dude 

Nice guy from tinder who got my tel and called . I didnt pick up and said I prefer to text and not talk , yet . He respectfully just text .

Conversation is normal . even from text , can get the feel the guy is really quiet . Not much text . No lovey dovey promises . I lead conversation , I ask , he replies . He admitted he is a quiet guy . 

I said he is too far in states to have a relationship but he said he has already intention to relocate to singapore with kids for business and other reasons .

The only concern is that he calls me baby after a few text , after I send him my photos . Is that the norm for western guys ? 

The asian guys are not so affectionate . My ex has never called me baby but a b**ch upon divorce . LOL .

Also I realise he didnt check into tinder anymore . This point I pick up from reading in TAM .

Pity he is not so well maintained , looks lacking in exercise and facial care . otherwise , his younger days photos could pass as a model for timberland .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Tripad, you should probably make sure you don't put any personal stuff in your photos, just you, no jewelry, no hint of any kind of status indicator. 

Censorship is a good thing.

Don't discuss your living situation or financial status with anyone unless there is actually a relationship.
You can just state that you are responsible and independent. What more would anyone really need to know.

I wouldn't date anyone from another country, just stay local. So you can have a chance of knowing their reputation better, or know people who might know.


----------



## tripad

Yup 

My photos are plain t shirt n singlet . no necklace no earrings . I am a simple person . 

Yup I prefer to stay local in dating . these guys text n I replied . not intending to enter relationship . just polishing my interaction skills .

If he actually relocate , we will talk then . 

I don't intend to be someone's overseas side dish .


----------



## tripad

About finances , in fact , I tell him and others , I have no financial support from the father and i have to work really hard to support my kids . however , I do just alright , not in destitute .

You know . many guys ran from this and instantly unmatched me . LOL . Good screening test . They failed . 

Except "goofy" , I told him otherwise , just to fool ard a little.


----------



## gouge_away

Update: got dumped 2 days ago, from the sound of it I'm very selfish at the moment, which is a huge improvement from my former relationship, yet nothing to be proud of, I'm just glad I didn't fall into the same doormat routine.

Emotionally, I feel normal, getting dumped sucks, especially when it blindsides you, but hindsight, I wasn't ready, and couldn't offer her what she needs.

I've been through hell and back, dragged through the dirt, this breakup reminded me of what breakups should be like. 2 people who respect each other as individuals, and want for each other what they want for themselves, peace.

Now, my vulnerability shows.... I want this woman more than ever. Lol...


----------



## tripad

You will recover


----------



## gouge_away

tripad said:


> You will recover


Totally! I'm excited to work on me! I've already, in the last 2 days, committed to 2 very big decisions for my direction.

I'm selling the marital house regardless of what its worth, and my son and I are moving closer to family and school.

I am not going to bring anybody into our life until we are well established in our new permanent home.


----------



## free2beme14

tripad said:


> In his subsequent mail, he said he will move to my country if I am the right woman and asked if I own or rent my house and what is my living condition .
> 
> Well looking at my photos , he would guess I am definitely not in destitute . And he knows I have a career .
> 
> Makes me feel like he is a leech who has intention to move under my roof and leech me .
> 
> OMG . Man gold digger .
> 
> In another separate case , a man after the hellos , asked me if I am at work , then he followed with do you drive or walk to work . I said I drive . He said his wife just died 3 months ago and he is so happy to talk to me . DUH ?!! Your wife died 3 months , you should be mourning . Block .


Ok, so maybe its not so bad no one is sending me messages. Stories like that make me want to run for the hills.


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> In his subsequent mail, he said he will move to my country if I am the right woman and asked if I own or rent my house and what is my living condition .
> 
> Well looking at my photos , he would guess I am definitely not in destitute . And he knows I have a career .
> 
> Makes me feel like he is a leech who has intention to move under my roof and leech me .
> 
> OMG . Man gold digger .
> 
> In another separate case , a man after the hellos , asked me if I am at work , then he followed with do you drive or walk to work . I said I drive . He said his wife just died 3 months ago and he is so happy to talk to me . DUH ?!! Your wife died 3 months , you should be mourning . Block .


It is good that you are havin fun with the first man. I do not believe he is naive. THis guy wants to scam you. It is crazy, do not let him in your life even if just to "play around." These type of men are very dangerous.





gouge_away said:


> Update: got dumped 2 days ago, from the sound of it I'm very selfish at the moment, which is a huge improvement from my former relationship, yet nothing to be proud of, I'm just glad I didn't fall into the same doormat routine.
> 
> Emotionally, I feel normal, getting dumped sucks, especially when it blindsides you, but hindsight, I wasn't ready, and couldn't offer her what she needs.
> 
> I've been through hell and back, dragged through the dirt, this breakup reminded me of what breakups should be like. 2 people who respect each other as individuals, and want for each other what they want for themselves, peace.
> 
> Now, my vulnerability shows.... *I want this woman more than ever*. Lol...


When I read this type of message I cringe. I love coming to this site because people are on different levels of healing and that reminds me of when I acted pathetic. 
Gouge Away!!! I am sorry that you feel this way but seriously??? Seriously?!! 
Hell!! At least this message is better than the other one you posted about the same issue! WOW!!! You my friend need a lot of growing up to do and healing...


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> do not let him in your life even if just to "play around." These type of men are very dangerous.


Only having fun on internet . i will never expose myself in reality to such a person incase he turn stalker . N no man will enter my house unless i have decided to marry him and he will be the step father . Otherwise , the man doesnt get to see my sons . that i have decided .


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Only having fun on internet . i will never expose myself in reality to such a person incase he turn stalker . N no man will enter my house unless i have decided to marry him and he will be the step father . Otherwise , the man doesnt get to see my sons . that i have decided .


I understand what you are saying, but I will need for a man to meet my son before I decide to marry, or even maintain a long term relationship. I know my son is a grown man, but when I meet the man worthy of introduction, that will be a test for me of how we move forward. 

It's individual, but for me, I want to see how they get along and know that they will be able to have a relationship, too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> The only concern is that he calls me baby after a few text , after I send him my photos . Is that the norm for western guys ?


Yes, unfortunately many guys who are otherwise just fine and decent people, think that it's expected of them. It's an age thing, when it comes to using the internet. 

You just need to correct them about it the first time they do it. If they keep doing it, then I'd be leery about their character. But one time - Baby, Georgeous, Hun, Sweetie - they're just dying to call a woman by that name, usually no offense meant. It's not the workplace after all, nobody is going to call them on sexual harassment on a dating site. For them, it can just be an expression of admiration. 

For me, I prefer a guy who would never do that. But I do know some guys personally who will say things like that. And they are just being guys, not malicious but since it's the same words the sleazebags use, it's hard to tell the difference until you ask them not to.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I understand what you are saying, but I will need for a man to meet my son before I decide to marry, or even maintain a long term relationship. I know my son is a grown man, but when I meet the man worthy of introduction, that will be a test for me of how we move forward.
> 
> It's individual, but for me, I want to see how they get along and know that they will be able to have a relationship, too.


I mean only when there is intention to marry , then he is worthy of introduction , and we move on from there . My children are young and I dont want them to meet more than one potential step father .


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Yes, unfortunately many guys who are otherwise just fine and decent people, think that it's expected of them. It's an age thing, when it comes to using the internet.
> 
> You just need to correct them about it the first time they do it. If they keep doing it, then I'd be leery about their character. But one time - Baby, Georgeous, Hun, Sweetie - they're just dying to call a woman by that name, usually no offense meant. It's not the workplace after all, nobody is going to call them on sexual harassment on a dating site. For them, it can just be an expression of admiration.
> 
> For me, I prefer a guy who would never do that. But I do know some guys personally who will say things like that. And they are just being guys, not malicious but since it's the same words the sleazebags use, it's hard to tell the difference until you ask them not to.


I dont like people to call me such names when they dont even know me . It seems fake . 

Ok read up date below .

It is fake alright.


----------



## tripad

Update and just to share so others dont fall prey .

First discomfort , calling me baby , all the time !!!!

Red flag , something is not right about his English . He claims he is from USA but born in Ireland , where English is the first language . But he makes some wrong sentence structure which is uncommon among the westerners . I know you may make grammar or spelling error but not the sentence structure .

Next red flag , unknown to him , perhaps , in tinder , we can see his distance from me and it indicates he is a few hundred km from me which puts him in nearby Asian country . However , he said he is in the States and doesnt reply what time zone he is in so I guess he doesnt even know the time differences .

Next red flag , he asked me to give good night kiss to my sons too . WOWWWWWWW !!!! Big red flag !!!!!! Back off .

Next red flag , he says he imports goods and there is a "short problem " . See what I mean about the language .

So I didnt bother to ask further and I realise he is back on Tinder , I suppose to hunt for the next prey .

Then I text hours later , how is things going . And he asked to borrow money and promise to pay back .

Upon rejecting him and telling him he is probably in Malaysia , not the States . he starting throwing abuses , degrading n insulting verbal attacks . Thus the real language is out and it is pretty much non western , it is rather local to each Asian country , and I can tell the difference between each country . 

So he is not quiet after all , but he could not text much as his language is probably not good enough or it is to keep it simple and pretend to be quiet , so not too much is given away .


----------



## tripad

Now I am pretty sure if go on with goofy , he is a scammer too . Preying on divorced woman , just that he doesnt know this one here is fine without a man , either as a father or a husband . I have taught my children to be a better man even without a good father . 



I can imagine a divorced woman who is not healed , not strong , falling for such predators , who promised to be the man , the father and to take care of them . Then to have her dreams dashed again by a man who leech on her .

It happened to my gf . One lost her entire savings from the divorce .

Another had an abortion when the guy disappeared after she was pregnant .

What happened to "baby "and "honey ".

I just post this so others beware .


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Now I am pretty sure if go on with goofy , he is a scammer too . Preying on divorced woman , just that he doesnt know this one here is fine without a man , either as a father or a husband . I have taught my children to be a better man even without a good father .
> 
> 
> 
> I can imagine a divorced woman who is not healed , not strong , falling for such predators , who promised to be the man , the father and to take care of them . Then to have her dreams dashed again by a man who leech on her .
> 
> It happened to my gf . One lost her entire savings from the divorce .
> 
> Another had an abortion when the guy disappeared after she was pregnant .
> 
> What happened to "baby "and "honey ".
> 
> I just post this so others beware .


It all comes back to not taking first conversations too seriously, being smart and safe, and trusting your instincts. If your gut tells you it feels off, then move along. Whether it's an app or in real life!


----------



## gouge_away

tripad said:


> Now I am pretty sure if go on with goofy , he is a scammer too . Preying on divorced woman , just that he doesnt know this one here is fine without a man , either as a father or a husband . I have taught my children to be a better man even without a good father .
> 
> 
> 
> I can imagine a divorced woman who is not healed , not strong , falling for such predators , who promised to be the man , the father and to take care of them . Then to have her dreams dashed again by a man who leech on her .
> 
> It happened to my gf . One lost her entire savings from the divorce .
> 
> Another had an abortion when the guy disappeared after she was pregnant .
> 
> What happened to "baby "and "honey ".
> 
> I just post this so others beware .


I'm sure he is just looking for people to send money. This is his job, he is a professional internet panhandler.

He probably is not looking for women who have needs, he is looking for women who have abundance to give.

OLD is full of people who pose as trailer park treasures, stacked sexy women, hidden in the secluded slum of dreams, where supermodels live but are never found. They just need a plane ticket to the red carpet.

For all you know your chatting with a Malaysian mother of 6 who's husband set up a computer and trained her and the kids how to live off the desperate masses.


----------



## tripad

Don't you western ladies get this sh,it ?

Or is scam only prevalent in Asia ?


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Don't you western ladies get this sh,it ?
> 
> Or is scam only prevalent in Asia ?


I am certain it is worldwide. I have never gotten far enough into conversations to be asked for money, but I am leery of anyone not geographically near me, widowers, broken and/or very formal English, first time messages that include an email address, and men whose locations change. I'm no expert, but I feel like those are good indicators of men I won't be talking with more.


----------



## where_are_we

I just wanted to say HI!

I started with TAM about 2.5 years ago in the "Sex in Marriage Form." I then found I needed to move to the "Coping with Infidelity Forum."

My divorce was final last month, so I have now made my way to "Life After Divorce Forum."

I have been on my own for about 7 months and am settling into my new normal. I don't really miss my husband, it is sort of like a piece of furniture is missing, since he was not really present the last few years. I have two teens at home and we are doing very well.

What I do miss is my friends. I lost his family (which was my only family) and all but one couple of our mutual friends, and that relationship is strained due to our divorce and unrelated issues in their family. 

So, I am getting to the point where I just want to meet some new people. I am not looking for a LTR or a new husband. I crashed and burned at that twice now. I just need some friends.


----------



## TooNice

where_are_we said:


> I just wanted to say HI!
> 
> I started with TAM about 2.5 years ago in the "Sex in Marriage Form." I then found I needed to move to the "Coping with Infidelity Forum."
> 
> My divorce was final last month, so I have now made my way to "Life After Divorce Forum."
> 
> I have been on my own for about 7 months and am settling into my new normal. I don't really miss my husband, it is sort of like a piece of furniture is missing, since he was not really present the last few years. I have two teens at home and we are doing very well.
> 
> What I do miss is my friends. I lost his family (which was my only family) and all but one couple of our mutual friends, and that relationship is strained due to our divorce and unrelated issues in their family.
> 
> So, I am getting to the point where I just want to meet some new people. I am not looking for a LTR or a new husband. I crashed and burned at that twice now. I just need some friends.


Hi and welcome. I am glad to here you are doing well... I think a positive outlook is half the battle. Sounds like you've got it covered.

Do you have Meetup where you live? Are you active in school activities with your kids? Church? Fitness classes? It can be difficult to start out finding groups, but once you start, it gets easier once you start widening your circles. 

Wherever you start, I wish you good luck - it is a great thing to start rebuilding your own life. :x


----------



## where_are_we

TooNice said:


> Hi and welcome. I am glad to here you are doing well... I think a positive outlook is half the battle. Sounds like you've got it covered.
> 
> Do you have Meetup where you live? Are you active in school activities with your kids? Church? Fitness classes? It can be difficult to start out finding groups, but once you start, it gets easier once you start widening your circles.
> 
> Wherever you start, I wish you good luck - it is a great thing to start rebuilding your own life. :x


Thanks for the suggestions! I did sign up for meet up, but have not found too much that I could go to yet. I recently changed jobs so I have a lot more free time now. I am hoping things change soon. I am starting to get bored.


----------



## FeministInPink

I second the MeetUp suggestion! Sign up for as many groups as you want, and start going out, meeting people, and making new friends. I met most of my post-divorce friends via Meet Up. The more groups you join, the more likely you'll find MeetUps that fit your schedule, and you'll meet a wider variety of people.

This can be a very fun time of self-discovery and exploring old interests that may have fallen by the wayside during your marriage. You'll likely find yourself still working through some sh!t as you try to figure out who you are without your marriage, but it can be amazing if you let it!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Don't you western ladies get this sh,it ?
> 
> Or is scam only prevalent in Asia ?


It happens so often and frequently here that we don't even think it worthy of mention. 

It's like snow/slush/sleet in the winter or mosquitoes and black flies in the summer.

It's the nature of humans to be hungry, and to feed that hunger whatever way they can. Or to get arms funding. But either way, it's just an ordinary nuisance.


----------



## gouge_away

Many banking institutions and public services hold large seminars on how to spot and avoid these kinds of things.

It does get mentioned quite a bit, but doesn't attract much attention because most westerners have been involved in one scam or another, and we just know.


----------



## tripad

wow

eye opener


----------



## RandomDude

Scams are everywhere, I seriously want to piano wire those bastards while they sit on their computer scamming people.


----------



## tripad

Lol

Guess what I just did 

I received another e mail .

This guy is a scammer who can't be bother to memorize more than one poem .

He told a sad tale about how his parents n wife died and he wants a woman to be with him and to be like " two water in a vase " again with different identity assumed now . 

Lol 

I emailed him saying I am pathetic , without a job , abandoned and with kids , and asked for money to lend me and I will pay back asap and I will be his lover and his " two waters in a vase " 

Now see if he still email me .

Lol


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Lol
> 
> Guess what I just did
> 
> I received another e mail .
> 
> This guy is a scammer who can't be bother to memorize more than one poem .
> 
> He told a sad tale about how his parents n wife died and he wants a woman to be with him and to be like " two water in a vase " again with different identity assumed now .
> 
> Lol
> 
> I emailed him saying I am pathetic , without a job , abandoned and with kids , and asked for money to lend me and I will pay back asap and I will be his lover and his " two waters in a vase "
> 
> Now see if he still email me .
> 
> Lol


Remember that most of these people are hungry and desperate. And may be under lock and key or other bondage and in some kind of a sweat shop under orders to scam and make money.

I think it's better just to ignore them. You wouldn't want to get bumped up on the target list. The more you come in contact with them, for whatever reason, the more at risk you'll be. 

You don't want the hassle of them making threats, no matter how idle they may be, against you or your kids. 

Better just to block them than to engage.


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Lol
> 
> Guess what I just did
> 
> I received another e mail .
> 
> This guy is a scammer who can't be bother to memorize more than one poem .
> 
> He told a sad tale about how his parents n wife died and he wants a woman to be with him and to be like " two water in a vase " again with different identity assumed now .
> 
> Lol
> 
> I emailed him saying I am pathetic , without a job , abandoned and with kids , and asked for money to lend me and I will pay back asap and I will be his lover and his " two waters in a vase "
> 
> Now see if he still email me .
> 
> Lol


I do not understand why you chose to continue conversation with this scammer. I am curious to know. I would never do that, even as fun; I simply despise people who prey on others.


----------



## joannacroc

Anyone else finding it hard to get past date 1 stage? Guys seem to view women with kids as "damaged goods" or something, which makes me not want to date them. Even single dads seem to avoid women with kids, which is just odd. One guy wanted to go back to his apartment at the end of date 1 and for whatever reason I just found that totally off putting. Many were nice but I just didn't hit it off with them - there was no spark. Man, this dating thing is hard.


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Remember that most of these people are hungry and desperate. And may be under lock and key or other bondage and in some kind of a sweat shop under orders to scam and make money.
> 
> I think it's better just to ignore them. You wouldn't want to get bumped up on the target list. The more you come in contact with them, for whatever reason, the more at risk you'll be.
> 
> You don't want the hassle of them making threats, no matter how idle they may be, against you or your kids.
> 
> Better just to block them than to engage.


They ignored me now .

But maybe you are right .

ok . game over .



ne9907 said:


> I do not understand why you chose to continue conversation with this scammer. I am curious to know. I would never do that, even as fun; I simply despise people who prey on others.


I was pissed and happened to have a few minutes to make a nuisance of myself .

But you are right too . Best to ignore .


----------



## ne9907

joannacroc said:


> Anyone else finding it hard to get past date 1 stage? Guys seem to view women with kids as "damaged goods" or something, which makes me not want to date them. Even single dads seem to avoid women with kids, which is just odd. One guy wanted to go back to his apartment at the end of date 1 and for whatever reason I just found that totally off putting. Many were nice but I just didn't hit it off with them - there was no spark. Man, this dating thing is hard.


. I find that as we get older, we have less patience to put up with what we call bvllsh!t, whether real or imagined this bvllsh!it is real to us as individuals. 
I also feel that we can easily pass on people because I am a bit jaded and not longer believe in love at first sight or the idea of one soulmate (one ring to rule them all). I know ,I will be perfectly happy if one date does not work becasue another one will be just down the corner. Essentially, if I do not like something about a guy (whatever it migth be) he can go away because I KNOW another one is just around the corner. 
As far as the men inviting you over to their apartment, why not?? 
We live in a culture in which sex is easy and fast, it is up to you to maintain your standards. Also, just becasue a man asks you to have sex, does not mean he likes you nor does that mean he wants to have a relationship with you. He might just be horny.

Dating is hard indeed.


----------



## tripad

It is hard .

I didn't even get a date . lol

The one or two who wanted to date me , I didn't want to waste my time since I smell red flag . 

Jaded is right word here .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

joannacroc said:


> Anyone else finding it hard to get past date 1 stage? Guys seem to view women with kids as "damaged goods" or something, which makes me not want to date them. Even single dads seem to avoid women with kids, which is just odd. One guy wanted to go back to his apartment at the end of date 1 and for whatever reason I just found that totally off putting. Many were nice but I just didn't hit it off with them - there was no spark. Man, this dating thing is hard.


All it takes is one man who sees the value in you that you know to be real, and treats you that way. 

A string of first dates is a good thing. You're not wasting time going on second dates with men who don't honestly and truly fill your heart the way it should be filled. If that's your goal in dating.

It might not feel successful, but the absence of a bad relationship or a good-enough-for-now relationship means that when the right one comes along, you won't have to explain why there's a bozo in your life. First and last dates are good, in particular when they are one and the same date.

There's no point in dating a guy who sees a mother as damaged goods. Like, how would a guy like that fit into your life?   Ever?

Some dating sites allow people to indicate whether they're open to dating a person with children. So that's a good place to start. But you also have to be leery of creepers, pervs, and those who would take advantage of your set schedule in order to just put you in their line-up. A person who's willing to date someone with children might have many motivations in doing so. Including presence of child support, regular meals, a laundry schedule, housing, etc. Plus the attitude that you should settle (for them) because they're a hero for dating someone with kids, and what a sacrifice they're making such accommodations for your schedule, etc. (In this case, run!)


----------



## gouge_away

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> All it takes is one man who sees the value in you that you know to be real, and treats you that way.
> 
> A string of first dates is a good thing. You're not wasting time going on second dates with men who don't honestly and truly fill your heart the way it should be filled. If that's your goal in dating.
> 
> It might not feel successful, but the absence of a bad relationship or a good-enough-for-now relationship means that when the right one comes along, you won't have to explain why there's a bozo in your life. First and last dates are good, in particular when they are one and the same date.
> 
> There's no point in dating a guy who sees a mother as damaged goods. Like, how would a guy like that fit into your life?  Ever?
> 
> Some dating sites allow people to indicate whether they're open to dating a person with children. So that's a good place to start. But you also have to be leery of creepers, pervs, and those who would take advantage of your set schedule in order to just put you in their line-up. A person who's willing to date someone with children might have many motivations in doing so. Including presence of child support, regular meals, a laundry schedule, housing, etc. Plus the attitude that you should settle (for them) because they're a hero for dating someone with kids, and what a sacrifice they're making such accommodations for your schedule, etc. (In this case, run!)


Or they view women with children as needy and easy... Then they meet you and realize that is not the case, so they move on.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

joannacroc said:


> Anyone else finding it hard to get past date 1 stage? Guys seem to view women with kids as "damaged goods" or something, which makes me not want to date them. Even single dads seem to avoid women with kids, which is just odd. One guy wanted to go back to his apartment at the end of date 1 and for whatever reason I just found that totally off putting. Many were nice but I just didn't hit it off with them - there was no spark. Man, this dating thing is hard.


When I was doing OLD, I had the same issue. First date after first date after first date. No sparks, no chemistry. I got sick and tired of "getting to know" people.


----------



## joannacroc

3Xnocharm said:


> When I was doing OLD, I had the same issue. First date after first date after first date. No sparks, no chemistry. I got sick and tired of "getting to know" people.


The chemistry thing is tough, for sure. Common interests are easy to glean online but that spark...not so much.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

joannacroc said:


> The chemistry thing is tough, for sure. Common interests are easy to glean online but that spark...not so much.


I switched to common values. Much easier to figure out who gets a first date. And cuts short a lot of the fluff in the get-to-know stage. 

Most people who are truly relationship-minded will be flexible on their interests, to some extent. And it's not too difficult to find a common interest to share. Whereas values are just that, if they don't match there's no point in meeting. Note that values are distinct from opinions. Opinions change over time, values, not so much, although people's behavior do deviate from them over time they show a clear pattern.


----------



## vi_bride04

+1 on the common values thing. Much easier to weed people out with that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Yes... common values have always been more important to me than common interests, etc.
I'm more interested in who he is as a man than what he does with his spare time. However, what he chooses to do with his spare time frequently is a reflection of his character. 

For example, J-Dawg volunteers with a few search-and-rescue orgs. He hasn't had much time to do so in the last few months, because he's been working so much, but it's something he's passionate about.


----------



## MRR

joannacroc said:


> The chemistry thing is tough, for sure. Common interests are easy to glean online but that spark...not so much.


Well, the other option is to get out and start meeting people in person, which can also be difficult. Especially when you have standards. 

As a single father, I can honestly say that I am more interested in dating a woman who has children. I am much younger than I look and occasionally a younger woman, single, not too far out of college, never married, no kids, will show interest, not know I am likely 15 years or more older, rather than the maybe 5 she is thinking, and typically they are in the stage of looking for a potential husband to start a NEW family. 

I do not want to start over, and appreciate someone who is familiar with my challenges and is likely to not want more children, but instead a partner and good role model for whenever there comes a time when we would be around each other's children. 

That said, in any case, keep your standards and take a break and focus on yourself when you need to. The more awesome you become the more likely you will be noticed when you are not even looking.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> +1 on the common values thing. Much easier to weed people out with that.


Right, but still no guarantee of chemistry/sparks. You can click like hell when you text or even chat on the phone, but its the face to face that determines the fate of the connection.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> Right, but still no guarantee of chemistry/sparks. You can click like hell when you text or even chat on the phone, but its the face to face that determines the fate of the connection.


That's why you want to meet someone in person as soon as possible, but not so soon as before you find out their values (or their stated values).

I would much rather not be attracted to someone I share values with, and to have that kind of date, than to be attracted to someone I don't share values with, and have that kind of date :surprise: At some point, maturity wins over and one will only be attracted to someone with shared values. Everyone else, no matter what, will be absolutely revolting.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> +1 on the common values thing. Much easier to weed people out with that.


Absolutely, take my current situation as an example. 

I have been with my friend/partner for almost a year, had not claimed him as my boyfriend until two weeks ago on FB and even then I have felt weird about doing so. Since then, he has been tagging me on many of his statuses, I actually have not told him to stop yet because at first the tagging gave me a small thrill.... yet it has gotten overboard. 
Before I continue let me say that I HAVE NO CONSICE ASSESSMENT of my own feelings because:
1. I am off my anxiety pill and perhaps I am making more out of this issue.
2. I was pretty happy with him while I was on my anxiety medicaton
Back to the narrative. I was deeply hurt during my 15 year marriage. *I am not aware of my real feelings*. I feel he is not my ideal partner, yet I cannot end things with him because 
1. We will host thanksgiving at his place (ours on the weekends)
2. He has tagged me numerous times on FB about a painting I did for him, about the meals I cook for him (it sounds stupid I know!!! But I feel awful if I were to end things with him).
3. I will not have a safe place to go on the weekends. Explanation: I work out of town during the weekdays, his place is a safe haven for me. I have tried to find another safe haven but nowhere else do I feel safe as I do with him.
These are the reasons I do not see myself with him in the long term
1. I feel he is lazy (he is furlough and refuses to get another job because he will be recalled "soon")
2. His home is usually not tidy or clean.
3. *He speaks rudely to his child*.
4. No sex life (perhaps once a month). He is beginning to make excuses as to why we do not have sex. My marriage was exactly like this (it hurts my spirit and self esteem).
5. He smokes a lot, drinks often, and eats a lot of junk food. As a matter of fact some of the reasons we do not engage in sexual pleasure often is because he says he is too full and his stomach hurts.... I am only with him on the weekends.
6. He plays a computer based online game and spents too many hours (perhaps 8+ on a daily basis)


Last night, we were sittign down on the couch watching a show, he stepped outside to have a cigarrete. His son laid down on the couch, and when my partner came back in, he asked his son to move over so he (partner) could lie down. Son refused and partner began a very passive aggressive tirade. His voice got loud, he moved to the rockign chair near by and continued his passive aggressive tirade. I felt awful. I looked at him in the eyes and asked "seriosuly?" then told him his behavior was extremely passive aggressive. He defended himself. His son left the living room and went to his room. 
I felt extremely uncomfortable because I dont like yelling, nor passive aggressive behavior, and because I undermined his authority in front of his son. I apologized to him and left. During the two hour ride to my temporary housing, I was crying a lot and doubting myself. I understand this is a toxic relationship, I must let go yet his place is my safe haven... 

His core values do not align with my own. This started as a friends with benefits. I have had plenty of opportunities to begin new relationships/whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it with other men but I refuse because I feel I can be myself around him and do not have to try to be soemone else. I am still trying to love myseld because quite frankly, i do not. I like myself but not love myself. 

In conclusion, I am making the same mistake I did with ex husband I am afraid to appear too "judgemental" or appear as if I am better than he is, and of course becasue I am afraid to be alone (?).... 
In conclusion TWO: VALUES!!! CORE VALUES!!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> 1. I am off my anxiety pill and perhaps I am making more out of this issue.
> 2. I was pretty happy with him while I was on my anxiety medicaton...
> 
> becasue I am afraid to be alone (?)....
> In conclusion TWO: VALUES!!! CORE VALUES!!!


I don't think you're making more out of the issues that are there. It sounds like you have a good handle on things. 

Anxiety meds probably let you see a lot of things without reacting to them. Now that you've processed everything in this setting without getting upset about them, and are off sedating Rx, you probably feel unsettled because you know that you need to do something. Cognitive dissonance results in two things: you take action that's consistent with your values or you change your values. Until you do one or the other, it's going to keep making you sick, either physically or emotionally. As soon as you do something definitive to resolve the gap between values and action, it's a whole different world. You might need some anxiety Rx to stay in that world, until you get used to it, but it will be loads better. 

You are already alone if your values are not supported in a relationship. Or if you are in a house/home where the values are contrary to your own.

Facebook is a bad place for relationships, especially to define them.
It sounds like he's using FB to play your guilt. People can sooooo deal with any fallout that might occur if you stop seeing him. That's they're problem. The only person you're responsible for is yourself.

I stopped dating a guy and looked at his FB page and his friends were all posting to him....ohhhhh, noooo, not AGAIN. hahahahahahaha


A year is a long time. 

What do you mean by safe haven? 
You would expect this guy to protect you with life and limb if needed?


----------



## RandomDude

For me, the spark can be very random, and can be with someone I don't expect to actually get butterflies with.

Which makes it annoying when I meet a decent lady and she ends up FZed. Or when I meet a lady with mismatched values/interests and I end up with butterflies.

Stars are random, only fate can decide


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Absolutely, take my current situation as an example.
> 
> I have been with my friend/partner for almost a year, had not claimed him as my boyfriend until two weeks ago on FB and even then I have felt weird about doing so. Since then, he has been tagging me on many of his statuses, I actually have not told him to stop yet because at first the tagging gave me a small thrill.... yet it has gotten overboard.
> Before I continue let me say that I HAVE NO CONSICE ASSESSMENT of my own feelings because:
> 1. I am off my anxiety pill and perhaps I am making more out of this issue.
> 2. I was pretty happy with him while I was on my anxiety medicaton
> Back to the narrative. I was deeply hurt during my 15 year marriage. *I am not aware of my real feelings*. I feel he is not my ideal partner, yet I cannot end things with him because
> 1. We will host thanksgiving at his place (ours on the weekends)
> 2. He has tagged me numerous times on FB about a painting I did for him, about the meals I cook for him (it sounds stupid I know!!! But I feel awful if I were to end things with him).
> 3. I will not have a safe place to go on the weekends. Explanation: I work out of town during the weekdays, his place is a safe haven for me. I have tried to find another safe haven but nowhere else do I feel safe as I do with him.
> These are the reasons I do not see myself with him in the long term
> 1. I feel he is lazy (he is furlough and refuses to get another job because he will be recalled "soon")
> 2. His home is usually not tidy or clean.
> 3. *He speaks rudely to his child*.
> 4. No sex life (perhaps once a month). He is beginning to make excuses as to why we do not have sex. My marriage was exactly like this (it hurts my spirit and self esteem).
> 5. He smokes a lot, drinks often, and eats a lot of junk food. As a matter of fact some of the reasons we do not engage in sexual pleasure often is because he says he is too full and his stomach hurts.... I am only with him on the weekends.
> 6. He plays a computer based online game and spents too many hours (perhaps 8+ on a daily basis)
> 
> 
> Last night, we were sittign down on the couch watching a show, he stepped outside to have a cigarrete. His son laid down on the couch, and when my partner came back in, he asked his son to move over so he (partner) could lie down. Son refused and partner began a very passive aggressive tirade. His voice got loud, he moved to the rockign chair near by and continued his passive aggressive tirade. I felt awful. I looked at him in the eyes and asked "seriosuly?" then told him his behavior was extremely passive aggressive. He defended himself. His son left the living room and went to his room.
> I felt extremely uncomfortable because I dont like yelling, nor passive aggressive behavior, and because I undermined his authority in front of his son. I apologized to him and left. During the two hour ride to my temporary housing, I was crying a lot and doubting myself. I understand this is a toxic relationship, I must let go yet his place is my safe haven...
> 
> His core values do not align with my own. This started as a friends with benefits. I have had plenty of opportunities to begin new relationships/whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it with other men but I refuse because I feel I can be myself around him and do not have to try to be soemone else. I am still trying to love myseld because quite frankly, i do not. I like myself but not love myself.
> 
> In conclusion, I am making the same mistake I did with ex husband I am afraid to appear too "judgemental" or appear as if I am better than he is, and of course becasue I am afraid to be alone (?)....
> In conclusion TWO: VALUES!!! CORE VALUES!!!


OMG, Ne, why are you still with this loser? Everything about your post screams, "Dump The Mother Fvcker Already!!! (DTMFA!!!)" Sex once a month or less is the definition of a sexless relationship, he clearly has emotional problems, he treats his son poorly, and he doesn't take care of himself. 

Being with him is only going to make you feel WORSE about yourself, Ne!

DTMFA, Ne. I know you've got issues that you're trying to work on, and you're still learning to love yourself, but he's only going to make that harder for you. And what if you miss a guy that's amazing--and amazing for you--because you're involved with this clown? Seriously, DTMFA.

*DTMFA!!!*

Regarding your reasons for staying?

1. Fvck Thanksgiving. Tell him he can cook his own fvcking turkey, and you're going to spend the day with people who nurture you instead of suck you dry. Don't have friends or family nearby? Book yourself a room at a nice hotel (preferably one with a spa) that has a yummy Thanksgiving buffet, and TREAT YO'SELF. Nurture yourself.

2. Fvck Facebook. So what if he's tagged you in sh!t on Facebook. FACEBOOK ISN'T REAL. Break up with him and block him on Facebook. Problem solved. 

(Aside: WHY would you feel guilty for breaking up with him? He's toxic. NEVER feel guilty about doing what's right for YOU. Fvck guilt.)

3. His place is NOT a safe space for you. Is your own place not a safe space? Did you give up your own place to move in with this guy? This makes absolutely no sense to me without any context.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Well, the other option is to get out and start meeting people in person, which can also be difficult. Especially when you have standards.
> 
> As a single father, I can honestly say that I am more interested in dating a woman who has children. I am much younger than I look and occasionally a younger woman, single, not too far out of college, never married, no kids, will show interest, not know I am likely 15 years or more older, rather than the maybe 5 she is thinking, and typically they are in the stage of looking for a potential husband to start a NEW family.
> 
> I do not want to start over, and appreciate someone who is familiar with my challenges and is likely to not want more children, but instead a partner and good role model for whenever there comes a time when we would be around each other's children.
> 
> That said, in any case, keep your standards and take a break and focus on yourself when you need to. The more awesome you become the more likely you will be noticed when you are not even looking.


As a childless woman, I'm more interested in dating someone with kids, because I like kids but don't want kids of my own. Men my age, if they don't already have kids... a lot of them are looking for someone to give them babies, and that's not going to be me. I fall into this somewhat strange category. I have no interest in biologically reproducing, and I would be OK being in a childless by choice couple. But I also have a very nurturing personality, I like kids, and I think I would be a good stepmom. 

I would hate to think that single dads are passing me over because they assume that I want babies.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> A year is a long time.
> 
> What do you mean by safe haven?
> You would expect this guy to protect you with life and limb if needed?


I believe he would protect my life if the situation arose. 
Safe have= here is the deal. Two years ago, when i left my ex husband I came to live with my mother. I do not like her much because of unresolved issues. She is a good person, tries to be a good mother but it is a little too late. I have never been clsoe to her. Too many hurtful issues surround her home. Anyway, I got a job and moved two hours away (where I am currently).
I do not have an apartment, I live in Army barracks which is a plain room, with no TV, just a bed and dresser. I live like this on weekdays and on weekends I go to see my mom, or this guy. I have been spending a lot of time with this guy since my dad passed away in July (on weekends). I have not gotten an apartment because this job was supposed to be temporary and it does not have any kind of long term potential. The thought of moving back in with my mother after this job end terrifies me, thus I have this guy as a back up for when my job ends.



FeministInPink said:


> OMG, Ne, why are you still with this loser? Everything about your post screams, "Dump The Mother Fvcker Already!!! (DTMFA!!!)" Sex once a month or less is the definition of a sexless relationship, he clearly has emotional problems, he treats his son poorly, and he doesn't take care of himself.
> 
> 
> DTMFA, Ne. I know you've got issues that you're trying to work on, and you're still learning to love yourself, but he's only going to make that harder for you. And what if you miss a guy that's amazing--and amazing for you--because you're involved with this clown? Seriously, DTMFA.
> 
> *DTMFA!!!*
> 
> Regarding your reasons for staying?
> 
> 1. Fvck Thanksgiving. Tell him he can cook his own fvcking turkey, and you're going to spend the day with people who nurture you instead of suck you dry. Don't have friends or family nearby? Book yourself a room at a nice hotel (preferably one with a spa) that has a yummy Thanksgiving buffet, and TREAT YO'SELF. Nurture yourself.
> 
> 2. Fvck Facebook. So what if he's tagged you in sh!t on Facebook. FACEBOOK ISN'T REAL. Break up with him and block him on Facebook. Problem solved.
> 
> (Aside: WHY would you feel guilty for breaking up with him? He's toxic. NEVER feel guilty about doing what's right for YOU. Fvck guilt.)
> 
> 3. His place is NOT a safe space for you. Is your own place not a safe space? Did you give up your own place to move in with this guy? This makes absolutely no sense to me without any context.


You ar always the voice of reason FiP, reading your response makes the situation more real. In my mind I keep telling myself "I am not in love with him" I really am not. "I will just crash in his place one more month, I will go ahead and wait till January" which is when I am supposed t0 be relocated for my job. I will be forced to get an apartment because living in the barracks is not authorized and on post lodging is too expensive.

My life seems to be in turmoil, but I am happy with the way it is (besides this guy). I realize he is NOT my soulmate nor do I want to be with him long term... yet I must be careful not to fall in the familiarity of him. I simply do not want to look for a relationship, nor do I want to be involved with someone else.... What does this mean? I seriously do not know. I am just pretty blah about love. I know this man seems (and says) to love me yet I don't care. I am pretty empty of love.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> As a childless woman, I'm more interested in dating someone with kids, because I like kids but don't want kids of my own. Men my age, if they don't already have kids... a lot of them are looking for someone to give them babies, and that's not going to be me. I fall into this somewhat strange category. I have no interest in biologically reproducing, and I would be OK being in a childless by choice couple. But I also have a very nurturing personality, I like kids, and I think I would be a good stepmom.
> 
> I would hate to think that single dads are passing me over because they assume that I want babies.


I am 44 and most think I am early/mid 30s. Early mid 30s, unmarried women without children usually are looking for a family. If this is your age range I would expect a lot of men think that you would like to have kids. My post was mainly to reassure the other poster that divorced women with children can be desirable (not damaged goods, as she put it). I do not mean to make generalizations but I have had several women show interest, thinking I am closer in age to them, that I feel will want their own kids in the next 5 years. So for OLD, for example, one of the things i look at is 'has kids' 'wants kids'. The meeting in person thing, i guess that kinda comes up as you get to know each other but i will admit that probably subconsiously i have avoided younger women without kids for this reason. Not avoided, just not asked out.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I believe he would protect my life if the situation arose.
> Safe have= here is the deal. Two years ago, when i left my ex husband I came to live with my mother. I do not like her much because of unresolved issues. She is a good person, tries to be a good mother but it is a little too late. I have never been clsoe to her. Too many hurtful issues surround her home. Anyway, I got a job and moved two hours away (where I am currently).
> I do not have an apartment, I live in Army barracks which is a plain room, with no TV, just a bed and dresser. I live like this on weekdays and on weekends I go to see my mom, or this guy. I have been spending a lot of time with this guy since my dad passed away in July (on weekends). I have not gotten an apartment because this job was supposed to be temporary and it does not have any kind of long term potential. The thought of moving back in with my mother after this job end terrifies me, thus I have this guy as a back up for when my job ends.
> 
> 
> 
> You ar always the voice of reason FiP, reading your response makes the situation more real. In my mind I keep telling myself "I am not in love with him" I really am not. "I will just crash in his place one more month, I will go ahead and wait till January" which is when I am supposed t0 be relocated for my job. I will be forced to get an apartment because living in the barracks is not authorized and on post lodging is too expensive.
> 
> My life seems to be in turmoil, but I am happy with the way it is (besides this guy). I realize he is NOT my soulmate nor do I want to be with him long term... yet I must be careful not to fall in the familiarity of him. I simply do not want to look for a relationship, nor do I want to be involved with someone else.... What does this mean? I seriously do not know. I am just pretty blah about love. I know this man seems (and says) to love me yet I don't care. I am pretty empty of love.


Thanks, Ne--I try.

Just DTMFA. If it means spending a couple weekends on base or with your mom until you get relocated in January. Some introspective time alone won't be the worst thing in the world. I think you might need some time alone to keep working on yourself and figuring out who you are. Sometimes we fill our time with activities and other people because we're afraid of being alone with our thoughts. 

Check out this book: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are: Brene Brown: 9781592858491: Amazon.com: Books

I have a copy on my shelf that was gifted to me, and I've heard many good things about it. If you want, we can read it together and be a book club of 2.

I think you're with this guy because 1) he fills up your weekend time, so you don't have to be alone (or with mom); 2) you know he's not a good fit, so you're not worried that you'll fall in love with him, which allows you to keep your distance and stay detached (a defense mechanism to keep your self emotionally safe from getting hurt); 3) being with him is a convenient excuse so you don't have to go out and date or look for a relationship.

You wrote:



> I simply do not want to look for a relationship, nor do I want to be involved with someone else.... What does this mean?


It means that you don't want a relationship right now. And there's nothing wrong with that, either. You might not be emotionally available right now. Actually, I think that's pretty likely. It's easier to stay detached and avoid emotional intimacy than be emotionally vulnerable with someone, and it can feel safer after a bad divorce. But it's not healthy. (And I deal with these issues too, I'm not perfect. I'm learning to work through them.)

Were your parents married or divorced when your father passed away? What are some of the unresolved issues in your relationship with her?


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I am 44 and most think I am early/mid 30s. Early mid 30s, unmarried women without children usually are looking for a family. If this is your age range I would expect a lot of men think that you would like to have kids. My post was mainly to reassure the other poster that divorced women with children can be desirable (not damaged goods, as she put it). I do not mean to make generalizations but I have had several women show interest, thinking I am closer in age to them, that I feel will want their own kids in the next 5 years. So for OLD, for example, one of the things i look at is 'has kids' 'wants kids'. The meeting in person thing, i guess that kinda comes up as you get to know each other but i will admit that probably subconsiously i have avoided younger women without kids for this reason. Not avoided, just not asked out.


I'm 36, but I look a lot younger. Don't avoid us! I'm pretty sure there are other women like me out there, I can't be a unicorn. (I mean, maybe I am...)

Anyway, don't make assumptions about women in my demographic. You never know what someone wants until you talk/ask them about it. Mention the kids and mention that you're done having kids early on, and let the women who want kids weed themselves out--or if they make it known that they want kids, then you can weed them out.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> OMG, Ne, why are you still with this loser? Everything about your post screams, "Dump The Mother Fvcker Already!!! (DTMFA!!!)" Sex once a month or less is the definition of a sexless relationship, he clearly has emotional problems, he treats his son poorly, and he doesn't take care of himself.
> 
> Being with him is only going to make you feel WORSE about yourself, Ne!
> 
> DTMFA, Ne. I know you've got issues that you're trying to work on, and you're still learning to love yourself, but he's only going to make that harder for you. And what if you miss a guy that's amazing--and amazing for you--because you're involved with this clown? Seriously, DTMFA.
> 
> *DTMFA!!!*
> 
> Regarding your reasons for staying?
> 
> 1. Fvck Thanksgiving. Tell him he can cook his own fvcking turkey, and you're going to spend the day with people who nurture you instead of suck you dry. Don't have friends or family nearby? Book yourself a room at a nice hotel (preferably one with a spa) that has a yummy Thanksgiving buffet, and TREAT YO'SELF. Nurture yourself.
> 
> 2. Fvck Facebook. So what if he's tagged you in sh!t on Facebook. FACEBOOK ISN'T REAL. Break up with him and block him on Facebook. Problem solved.
> 
> (Aside: WHY would you feel guilty for breaking up with him? He's toxic. NEVER feel guilty about doing what's right for YOU. Fvck guilt.)
> 
> 3. His place is NOT a safe space for you. Is your own place not a safe space? Did you give up your own place to move in with this guy? This makes absolutely no sense to me without any context.


OMG, THANK YOU for posting my exact thoughts!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> My life seems to be in turmoil, but I am happy with the way it is (besides this guy). I realize he is NOT my soulmate nor do I want to be with him long term... yet I must be careful not to fall in the familiarity of him*. I simply do not want to look for a relationship, nor do I want to be involved with someone else.... What does this mean? I seriously do not know. I am just pretty blah about love. I know this man seems (and says) to love me yet I don't care. I am pretty empty of love*.


Then DONT. DONT look for another relationship. You don't NEED to have a man to have a full life. In fact, NO MAN sounds better than the one you have now....


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> 1. Fvck Thanksgiving. Tell him he can cook his own fvcking turkey, and you're going to spend the day with people who nurture you instead of suck you dry.


There is never a better time to dump somebody than the holidays. 

#1 For some reason, and for very good reason, grieving insignificant loss right before the new year is redeeming.

#2 Nobody needs an excuse to stuff their face.

#3 Your surrounded by love atmosphere. (As are the discarded)


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> ... don't make assumptions ... You never know what someone wants until you talk/ask them about it.


^^ this I believe is the secret to dating. Know what you want, know how to communicate it and know how to listen to the other persons response.


----------



## RandomDude

So many sexy legs this summer!

... But I still don't mentally want to get involved... >.<
Temptations and distractions, bah!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

MRR said:


> I am 44 and most think I am early/mid 30s. Early mid 30s, unmarried women without children usually are looking for a family. If this is your age range I would expect a lot of men think that you would like to have kids. My post was mainly to reassure the other poster that divorced women with children can be desirable (not damaged goods, as she put it). I do not mean to make generalizations but I have had several women show interest, thinking I am closer in age to them, that I feel will want their own kids in the next 5 years. So for OLD, for example, one of the things i look at is 'has kids' 'wants kids'. The meeting in person thing, i guess that kinda comes up as you get to know each other but i will admit that probably subconsiously i have avoided younger women without kids for this reason. Not avoided, just not asked out.


I feel the same way as you. It's not like I'm dying to be a step-mom, but I have more in common with men who have children and know about the challenges and joys related to parenting. After my divorce my first relationship (rebound/way too soon) was with someone quite a bit younger than me and he did not have kids (but wanted them) and did not understand (or didn't want to) my schedule issues, etc. It was not a good fit at ALL and I swore I wouldn't do that again.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> I'm 36, but I look a lot younger. Don't avoid us! I'm pretty sure there are other women like me out there, I can't be a unicorn. (I mean, maybe I am...)
> 
> Anyway, don't make assumptions about women in my demographic. You never know what someone wants until you talk/ask them about it. Mention the kids and mention that you're done having kids early on, and let the women who want kids weed themselves out--or if they make it known that they want kids, then you can weed them out.


I assume that if you're doing OLD you have this in your profile?


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> I assume that if you're doing OLD you have this in your profile?


I think right now, given the drop-down menu items, I just say "Doesn't have kids." There's no good option in the drop-down menu for people like me, since "Don't want kids" could be read as "I don't want to deal with YOUR kids"... I'll have to put it somewhere in my written profile.

I set it up a while ago, and have never really bothered updating it. I think it's time to do a major re-haul of my profile. I also think I might have to give up the ghost and give the pay sites a try.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> I think right now, given the drop-down menu items, I just say "Doesn't have kids." There's no good option in the drop-down menu for people like me, since "Don't want kids" could be read as "I don't want to deal with YOUR kids"... I'll have to put it somewhere in my written profile.
> 
> I set it up a while ago, and have never really bothered updating it. I think it's time to do a major re-haul of my profile. I also think I might have to give up the ghost and give the pay sites a try.


I agree.....if you say "don't want kids" that would usually be interpreted like you say. I'd write about it somewhere in your profile.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> I think right now, given the drop-down menu items, I just say "Doesn't have kids." There's no good option in the drop-down menu for people like me, since "Don't want kids" could be read as "I don't want to deal with YOUR kids"... I'll have to put it somewhere in my written profile.
> 
> I set it up a while ago, and have never really bothered updating it. I think it's time to do a major re-haul of my profile. I also think I might have to give up the ghost and give the pay sites a try.


I think on OKC there was an option of both "doesn't have kids" and a separate question of "are you ok if the person you date has kids?". Which I answered no and yes, respectively. Him having kids is fine, the older the better. 

I just started seeing someone with a 14 year old daughter who he shares custody 50/50. We are long distance. The impact is that I can only see him every other weekend, but to be honest, with the distance, that's probably how often we'd see each other anyways. The other limitation is that he will not want to move (should it ever get that serious) until she is off to college and then it will have to be somewhere easily accessible by air (non-stop flights) to see her. 

Interestingly, he told me the most common thing he saw on women's profiles that turned him off is "my kids are everything to me and I'm a great mom". He said he considered that a given. Why would anyone have to explicitly state they're a great mom? Or that their kids are important to them? As he says, he lets women he dates, including me, know that his daughter is a big part of his life, but he doesn't define himself as just a "great dad".


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> I feel the same way as you. It's not like I'm dying to be a step-mom, but I have more in common with men who have children and know about the challenges and joys related to parenting. After my divorce my first relationship (rebound/way too soon) was with someone quite a bit younger than me and he did not have kids (but wanted them) and did not understand (or didn't want to) my schedule issues, etc. It was not a good fit at ALL and I swore I wouldn't do that again.


I think the youth aspect definitely has something to do with it. Me, 5-6 years ago, wouldn't have understood the time demands, the schedule, etc. Now that my sister has kids, I'm much more aware. But 5-6 years ago, I would have also said "no way" to dating someone with kids; my nieces have totally changed my perspective on that, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I think on OKC there was an option of both "doesn't have kids" and a separate question of "are you ok if the person you date has kids?". *Which I answered no and yes, respectively.* Him having kids is fine, the older the better.


I'm on OKC, and this is how I answered. But the individual questions tend to get buried, or go unread.

I know when I look at a profile's questions, I primarily (read: pretty much only) look at the "unacceptable" answers to see if I need to weed anyone who's clearly incompatible. So it's unlikely that I'll read every single (or any) question that we were a match on.

But that's just me. 



SARAHMCD said:


> I just started seeing someone with a 14 year old daughter who he shares custody 50/50. We are long distance. *The impact is that I can only see him every other weekend*, but to be honest, with the distance, that's probably how often we'd see each other anyways. The other limitation is that he will not want to move (should it ever get that serious) until she is off to college and then it will have to be somewhere easily accessible by air (non-stop flights) to see her.


This part isn't so bad, if there's phone calls and texts in-between... I'm independent, and I need my space and me-time, and I can get that during the time that a guy needs to spend with his kids. I would find the long-distance thing to be more of a challenge than the fact that he has a kid (or multiple kids).



SARAHMCD said:


> Interestingly, he told me the most common thing he saw on women's profiles that turned him off is *"my kids are everything to me and I'm a great mom"*. He said he considered that a given. Why would anyone have to explicitly state they're a great mom? Or that their kids are important to them? As he says, he lets women he dates, including me, know that his daughter is a big part of his life, but he doesn't define himself as just a "great dad".


This doesn't surprise me. Most men don't consider "father" to be their primary or only identity--they are socially conditioned to see themselves as multi-faceted--whereas women are more likely to derive their identity from being a mother (or not) because, again, this is socially conditioned. Our society expects women to prioritizes a man's needs over her own, and this is unfortunately ingrained in many men--no matter how enlightened they may claim to be. (Sorry, guys!) So I'm not surprised that it's a turn-off to this guy--or any guy--when a woman's profile clearly states "you will never be my top priority." Who--regardless of gender--wants to be with someone who will never make their partner a priority? No one wants to consistently come in second place. 

Kids need a lot of attention and care, and they need to be a priority, but that needs to be balanced with prioritizing your partner. And sometimes, the partner needs to come first, and sometimes it's the kids. Say the kids want to go to the swimming pool, and you told them that you would take them--but then your partner is in a car accident and is in the emergency room. So do you take your kids to the pool like you promised, or do you go to the emergency room?


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> This doesn't surprise me. Most men don't consider "father" to be their primary or only identity--they are socially conditioned to see themselves as multi-faceted--whereas women are more likely to derive their identity from being a mother (or not) because, again, this is socially conditioned. Our society expects women to prioritizes a man's needs over her own, and this is unfortunately ingrained in many men--no matter how enlightened they may claim to be. (Sorry, guys!) So I'm not surprised that it's a turn-off to this guy--or any guy--when a woman's profile clearly states "you will never be my top priority." Who--regardless of gender--wants to be with someone who will never make their partner a priority? No one wants to consistently come in second place.
> 
> Kids need a lot of attention and care, and they need to be a priority, but that needs to be balanced with prioritizing your partner. And sometimes, the partner needs to come first, and sometimes it's the kids. Say the kids want to go to the swimming pool, and you told them that you would take them--but then your partner is in a car accident and is in the emergency room. So do you take your kids to the pool like you promised, or do you go to the emergency room?


FIP, I think you've hit on a good point here. Women define themselves a lot more by their motherhood than men do by their fatherhood. And of course, their kids will be a priority. I also recognize that due to sharing a child, he is in contact with his ex. I'm fine with this (at least so far). I don't anticipate not being fine with it. It may be harder on men to be with a woman with children and try to understand the schedule and the fact that he may not always be her #1 priority. 

I don't feel the need to compete for his attention with his daughter. I'm also independent and introverted so honestly, I enjoy the nights when he has his daughter or is attending one of her events - he's not texting me as much!! Lol. Its early days yet, so obviously things could change, but I really don't see it being an issue at all. He's already mentioned introducing me to her "at some point" which I find a bit early (we've only known each other a month). 

Younger kids and being very recently divorced would be more of an issue I think. More of a time commitment and just more complicated in terms of how the kids may view their parent dating. 

He's 5 years divorced and his daughter is in the "I'd rather be with my friends" or texting in her room phase than hanging with dad. And since its been so long that her parents have been split up, I'm sure she wouldn't see me as a threat to her parents reconciliation.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> This doesn't surprise me. Most men don't consider "father" to be their primary or only identity--they are socially conditioned to see themselves as multi-faceted--whereas women are more likely to derive their identity from being a mother (or not) because, again, this is socially conditioned. Our society expects women to prioritizes a man's needs over her own, and this is unfortunately ingrained in many men--no matter how enlightened they may claim to be. (Sorry, guys!) So I'm not surprised that it's a turn-off to this guy--or any guy--when a woman's profile clearly states "you will never be my top priority." Who--regardless of gender--wants to be with someone who will never make their partner a priority? No one wants to consistently come in second place.
> 
> Kids need a lot of attention and care, and they need to be a priority, but that needs to be balanced with prioritizing your partner. And sometimes, the partner needs to come first, and sometimes it's the kids. Say the kids want to go to the swimming pool, and you told them that you would take them--but then your partner is in a car accident and is in the emergency room. So do you take your kids to the pool like you promised, or do you go to the emergency room?


YES, all of this! It puts me off when I see a guy's profile where he emphatically states how his kids are his priority in life and they come first, yada yada yada... It doesn't put me off because his kids are important, but it makes me feel like I will NOT be a priority to him, ever. So why should I bother with him? Your partner SHOULD be a priority, otherwise stay out of relationships. I would never ask a man to choose me or his kids, so I don't appreciate that approach.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> YES, all of this! It puts me off when I see a guy's profile where he emphatically states how his kids are his priority in life and they come first, yada yada yada... It doesn't put me off because his kids are important, but it makes me feel like I will NOT be a priority to him, ever. So why should I bother with him? Your partner SHOULD be a priority, otherwise stay out of relationships. *I would never ask a man to choose me or his kids*, so I don't appreciate that approach.


THIS.

Prioritize me as your partner, and I will never ask you to choose between me and your kids. In fact, I will support you and help you to prioritize them when they need to be more important than me.

Because I'm a fvcking adult.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think men don't like the every-other-weekend thing because they know that's as often as sex will happen once it's gets to that point. The older I get the easier it would be to date more often, but the less men want someone 47. 50+ seem to be too grandpa-ish unless they are VERY athletic and looking for Stepford wife. Don't want to be a cougar and men my age want women in their 30s. This is the worst age for dating, I swear.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think men don't like the every-other-weekend thing because they know that's as often as sex will happen once it's gets to that point. The older I get the easier it would be to date more often, but the less men want someone 47. 50+ seem to be too grandpa-ish unless they are VERY athletic and looking for Stepford wife. Don't want to be a cougar and men my age want women in their 30s. This is the worst age for dating, I swear.


That's a very good point--but if that's the limitation of a guy's schedule with his kids, that's going to be the way it is until it gets more serious, and you decide to co-habitate, or get married.

I, too, would get frustrated at only having sex every other week, but if th e relationship is otherwise strong and moving forward, it's a sacrifice I would be willing to make in the short-term for the eventual long-term reward.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Absolutely, take my current situation as an example.
> 
> I have been with my friend/partner for almost a year, had not claimed him as my boyfriend until two weeks ago on FB and even then I have felt weird about doing so. Since then, he has been tagging me on many of his statuses, I actually have not told him to stop yet because at first the tagging gave me a small thrill.... yet it has gotten overboard.
> Before I continue let me say that I HAVE NO CONSICE ASSESSMENT of my own feelings because:
> 1. I am off my anxiety pill and perhaps I am making more out of this issue.
> 2. I was pretty happy with him while I was on my anxiety medicaton
> Back to the narrative. I was deeply hurt during my 15 year marriage. *I am not aware of my real feelings*. I feel he is not my ideal partner, yet I cannot end things with him because
> 1. We will host thanksgiving at his place (ours on the weekends)
> 2. He has tagged me numerous times on FB about a painting I did for him, about the meals I cook for him (it sounds stupid I know!!! But I feel awful if I were to end things with him).
> 3. I will not have a safe place to go on the weekends. Explanation: I work out of town during the weekdays, his place is a safe haven for me. I have tried to find another safe haven but nowhere else do I feel safe as I do with him.
> These are the reasons I do not see myself with him in the long term
> 1. I feel he is lazy (he is furlough and refuses to get another job because he will be recalled "soon")
> 2. His home is usually not tidy or clean.
> 3. *He speaks rudely to his child*.
> 4. No sex life (perhaps once a month). He is beginning to make excuses as to why we do not have sex. My marriage was exactly like this (it hurts my spirit and self esteem).
> 5. He smokes a lot, drinks often, and eats a lot of junk food. As a matter of fact some of the reasons we do not engage in sexual pleasure often is because he says he is too full and his stomach hurts.... I am only with him on the weekends.
> 6. He plays a computer based online game and spents too many hours (perhaps 8+ on a daily basis)
> 
> 
> Last night, we were sittign down on the couch watching a show, he stepped outside to have a cigarrete. His son laid down on the couch, and when my partner came back in, he asked his son to move over so he (partner) could lie down. Son refused and partner began a very passive aggressive tirade. His voice got loud, he moved to the rockign chair near by and continued his passive aggressive tirade. I felt awful. I looked at him in the eyes and asked "seriosuly?" then told him his behavior was extremely passive aggressive. He defended himself. His son left the living room and went to his room.
> I felt extremely uncomfortable because I dont like yelling, nor passive aggressive behavior, and because I undermined his authority in front of his son. I apologized to him and left. During the two hour ride to my temporary housing, I was crying a lot and doubting myself. I understand this is a toxic relationship, I must let go yet his place is my safe haven...
> 
> His core values do not align with my own. This started as a friends with benefits. I have had plenty of opportunities to begin new relationships/whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it with other men but I refuse because I feel I can be myself around him and do not have to try to be soemone else. I am still trying to love myseld because quite frankly, i do not. I like myself but not love myself.
> 
> In conclusion, I am making the same mistake I did with ex husband I am afraid to appear too "judgemental" or appear as if I am better than he is, and of course becasue I am afraid to be alone (?)....
> In conclusion TWO: VALUES!!! CORE VALUES!!!
> 
> 
> 
> OMG, Ne, why are you still with this loser? Everything about your post screams, "Dump The Mother Fvcker Already!!! (DTMFA!!!)" Sex once a month or less is the definition of a sexless relationship, he clearly has emotional problems, he treats his son poorly, and he doesn't take care of himself.
> 
> Being with him is only going to make you feel WORSE about yourself, Ne!
> 
> DTMFA, Ne. I know you've got issues that you're trying to work on, and you're still learning to love yourself, but he's only going to make that harder for you. And what if you miss a guy that's amazing--and amazing for you--because you're involved with this clown? Seriously, DTMFA.
> 
> *DTMFA!!!*
> 
> Regarding your reasons for staying?
> 
> 1. Fvck Thanksgiving. Tell him he can cook his own fvcking turkey, and you're going to spend the day with people who nurture you instead of suck you dry. Don't have friends or family nearby? Book yourself a room at a nice hotel (preferably one with a spa) that has a yummy Thanksgiving buffet, and TREAT YO'SELF. Nurture yourself.
> 
> 2. Fvck Facebook. So what if he's tagged you in sh!t on Facebook. FACEBOOK ISN'T REAL. Break up with him and block him on Facebook. Problem solved.
> 
> (Aside: WHY would you feel guilty for breaking up with him? He's toxic. NEVER feel guilty about doing what's right for YOU. Fvck guilt.)
> 
> 3. His place is NOT a safe space for you. Is your own place not a safe space? Did you give up your own place to move in with this guy? This makes absolutely no sense to me without any context.
Click to expand...


I love you 

The strength , the energy , the DTMFA

If you are near me , I rather meet you than a guy , for a fun GNO . I m straight ok.


----------



## MRR

Sarah-- the comment 'he doesnt text me as often!'

I find that really interesting. Is it common for you that texting is a turn off?

I have read some stuff that it is however many women seem to be very into it. The woman that I have been seeing on and off for the last 6 months (not exclusively right now) seems to be ok with it but not 'into' it. Like, she is ok with not texting and then if we havent had contact for a week she will ask how I am, we use text to arrange dates too, but overall not constant text conversations (usually). 

I went out with a girl about 10 years younger a few month ago, we hit it off pretty well, had fun, kissed her at the end of the date and she said 'youre a great kisser' and gave me a huge smile as she left. Then last minute turned back and said 'text me'. 

Well, I didnt text her for a few days. I guess she meant text her like, right away? I had just met her so I didnt feel like constantly texting, so I waited a few days. She went cold then. I feel honestly like that is why she blew me off. ( I could be totally wrong here in the reasoning but really interested in the whole texting thing and female perspectives)


----------



## SARAHMCD

MRR said:


> Sarah-- the comment 'he doesnt text me as often!'
> 
> I find that really interesting. Is it common for you that texting is a turn off?
> 
> I have read some stuff that it is however many women seem to be very into it. The woman that I have been seeing on and off for the last 6 months (not exclusively right now) seems to be ok with it but not 'into' it. Like, she is ok with not texting and then if we havent had contact for a week she will ask how I am, we use text to arrange dates too, but overall not constant text conversations (usually).
> 
> I went out with a girl about 10 years younger a few month ago, we hit it off pretty well, had fun, kissed her at the end of the date and she said 'youre a great kisser' and gave me a huge smile as she left. Then last minute turned back and said 'text me'.
> 
> Well, I didnt text her for a few days. I guess she meant text her like, right away? I had just met her so I didnt feel like constantly texting, so I waited a few days. She went cold then. I feel honestly like that is why she blew me off. ( I could be totally wrong here in the reasoning but really interested in the whole texting thing and female perspectives)


In general, no, texting is not a turn off - actually it shows his interest level that he checks in as much as he does. Its just that I'm an introvert and there are nights I just like to shut down. No people contact. That's really all I meant. 

As for your question about waiting a few days to text....if I was interested (as this girl seemed to be) I would have expected you to text me either later that night to ask for a second date or make sure I got home ok. Or by the next day at least. Waiting 3 days would make me think you are most likely not very interested - or just too busy to be dating.


----------



## bkyln309

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think men don't like the every-other-weekend thing because they know that's as often as sex will happen once it's gets to that point. The older I get the easier it would be to date more often, but the less men want someone 47. 50+ seem to be too grandpa-ish unless they are VERY athletic and looking for Stepford wife. Don't want to be a cougar and men my age want women in their 30s. This is the worst age for dating, I swear.


Depends on what the man is looking for. The OM I have been seeing for 8 months now seems to be fine with it because he needs his alone time and space. I am sure he wants sex more often (as do I) but it is what it is.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> I love you
> 
> The strength , the energy , the DTMFA
> 
> If you are near me , I rather meet you than a guy , for a fun GNO . I m straight ok.


Ha ha ha!!! Well, I AM pretty awesome 

I can take credit for the strength, the energy, and the profanity--that's all trademark FIP. But I can't take credit for DTMFA, that comes from Dan Savage, my sex and relationship guru. I reference/quote/channel him on a regular basis.

But I'm still a student. I may be in the advanced class, but I'm still learning, like everyone else here.

Thanks for the love  I'm on the other side of the world. But if I ever am traveling on your side of the globe, we will definitely meet for a drink.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Sarah-- the comment 'he doesnt text me as often!'
> 
> I find that really interesting. Is it common for you that texting is a turn off?
> 
> I have read some stuff that it is however many women seem to be very into it. The woman that I have been seeing on and off for the last 6 months (not exclusively right now) seems to be ok with it but not 'into' it. Like, she is ok with not texting and then if we havent had contact for a week she will ask how I am, we use text to arrange dates too, but overall not constant text conversations (usually).
> 
> I went out with a girl about 10 years younger a few month ago, we hit it off pretty well, had fun, kissed her at the end of the date and she said 'youre a great kisser' and gave me a huge smile as she left. Then last minute turned back and said 'text me'.
> 
> Well, I didnt text her for a few days. I guess she meant text her like, right away? I had just met her so I didnt feel like constantly texting, so I waited a few days. She went cold then. I feel honestly like that is why she blew me off. ( I could be totally wrong here in the reasoning but really interested in the whole texting thing and female perspectives)


It depends on the woman, and some of it may be generational, as well as geographical. Where I live, everyone is attached at the hip to their smartphone, and they're in constant contact.

If you waited a few days to text me, I would have assumed you weren't interested, either--especially if other guys are texting her more frequently. Here's the thing: a text is so easy to do. It takes all of, what? ten seconds? to send a text, to let a woman know that you're thinking about her. And a guy that can't be bothered to do that isn't worth investing time in. There's a whole generation, my age (36) and younger that NEVER talk on the phone. We see you in person, or we text. The texting doesn't have to be continuous for long spans of time, though you can have an entire convo over text the way you would on the phone, but I think generally, a text every other day is good. Just to show, hey, I'm thinking about you and I'm still interested. This is also why women find it infuriating when men take 3 days to respond to a text--why take 3 days to respond, when it only requires 10 seconds to respond. The guy thinks he's following some 3-day rule, when he's just p!ssing her off.

The other thing is that ghosting has become so prevalent that if you're not in regular contact, she's going to assume that you've ghosted her. Texting is an easy way to keep that from happening. 

You may ask, well, why didn't she just text me? Well, here's the rub... you, as the guy, are the one who controls the flow and pace of the texting. The woman most likely is not going to text you first; she wants to see if you take the lead and pursue her. I know, I know, it's the 21st century and what about feminism? She can reach out to me! If she's learned any of the lessons that I have learned, it's that me (female) pursuing a guy may work out in the short-term, but it never lasts. From what I can tell/personal experience, women almost always text/IM more than men, and that works to our disadvantage when dealing with dating, because too many texts/IMs often translates into "clingy/needy/desperate female." 

For example, right now I'm a little irritated that J-Dawg hasn't texted me since Saturday. I've been ghosted by enough guys to have this little voice in my head telling me, "Well, that's it, you're never going to hear from him again, time to face it, things are over," when in fact it's likely that he worked through the weekend and has worked 3 14-hr days in a row. And that he probably forgets that I was the last one to text, so now it's his "turn." But I'm not going to text him, because that will mean I am chasing him, and 1) I shouldn't have to chase a man, and 2) when you chase men, they run away. So here I am, going crazy because he hasn't taken 10 seconds to send me a stupid text, and I can't do anything about it. All of which makes me thing that I am THIS CLOSE (picture me holding my thumb and index close together, like the world's tiniest violin) to calling this sh!t off altogether, because I hate feeling this way.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> ."
> 
> For example, right now I'm a little irritated that J-Dawg hasn't texted me since Saturday. I've been ghosted by enough guys to have this little voice in my head telling me, "Well, that's it, you're never going to hear from him again, time to face it, things are over," when in fact it's likely that he worked through the weekend and has worked 3 14-hr days in a row. And that he probably forgets that I was the last one to text, so now it's his "turn." But I'm not going to text him, because that will mean I am chasing him, and 1) I shouldn't have to chase a man, and 2) when you chase men, they run away. So here I am, going crazy because he hasn't taken 10 seconds to send me a stupid text, and I can't do anything about it. All of which makes me thing that I am THIS CLOSE (picture me holding my thumb and index close together, like the world's tiniest violin) to calling this sh!t off altogether, because I hate feeling this way.


Holy sh!t I could have written that... Similar thing going on in my life. The anxiety is really getting to me... Sometimes I feel it might be my gut trying to wake me up saying stop investing time into the guy....

Then I wonder if it's just my bad past experiences getting the better of me.... Ugh

I sooooooooooooo hate feeling this way


----------



## TooNice

So... I am terribly far behind in this thread. I just read everything and can't possibly reply to everything to the extent that I would want to. So I will simply say how much I love this place and that we are all hear and ohmygoodness am I glad that I am not alone in this crazy dating place. You all expressed so many of my exact feelings!

I will speak to the parent topic, though. I became a stepmom before my sd was even two years old. 20+ years later, I moved into my own apartment two weeks after my son moved to college. Since my early 20's, I have not been in a relationship without children in the house. To add to that, I loved my sd unconditionally, and our estranged relationship has been harder on me than the loss of my marriage. I won't say that I won't date a man with children, but I have recently realized that my perspective is a little unusual. My heartbreak over my sd makes me very leery of dating a man with small children. I dated one man (a friend from my past with young kids) that I am afraid to fall in love with a child again, at least for now. I think nothing of dating a man with kids in their teens or older - I have little impact on what their opinion of me will be, anyway! The friend from my past had potential to be serious, and that part terrified me. It was very eye-opening for me when I put all of those pieces together.

And I agree that thinking you're a great parent comes with having kids; you shouldn't have to shout it from the rooftops. My kid is also the coolest thing since sliced bread, because I am the best mom ever. I'm joking - If I date a man with kids, their importance in his life will be assumed. But I would hope that I would work my way up in the rankings if we enter into a serious relationship. And that street goes both ways!

Thanks for the great posts you guys - you are all awesome. I agree that a meet up somewhere one day would be pretty epic. ;-)


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> For example, right now I'm a little irritated that J-Dawg hasn't texted me since Saturday. I've been ghosted by enough guys to have this little voice in my head telling me, "Well, that's it, you're never going to hear from him again, time to face it, things are over," when in fact it's likely that he worked through the weekend and has worked 3 14-hr days in a row. And that he probably forgets that I was the last one to text, so now it's his "turn." But I'm not going to text him, because that will mean I am chasing him, and 1) I shouldn't have to chase a man, and 2) when you chase men, they run away. So here I am, going crazy because he hasn't taken 10 seconds to send me a stupid text, and I can't do anything about it. All of which makes me thing that I am THIS CLOSE (picture me holding my thumb and index close together, like the world's tiniest violin) to calling this sh!t off altogether, because I hate feeling this way.


I've been here, the same place as you and Vi_bride. Sounds like you are invested in him more than just casual. I actually reached a point with my FWB - or more accurately, FB, that I didn't expect to hear from him. When I did, it was to hook up later that day or week and quite honestly, that arrangement worked fine. It was exactly what I wanted from him - and all I wanted from him. 
But if you're finding yourself waiting by the phone for that ping from him, you know you've passed the point of just casual. And, if I remember correctly, he doesn't want anything more serious right? If he was really "into you" and wanting a relationship you wouldn't be left wondering why he isn't texting you and in this uncomfortable "waiting zone". He'd find the 10 seconds. 
You have a decision on your hands.


----------



## bkyln309

SARAHMCD said:


> I've been here, the same place as you and Vi_bride. Sounds like you are invested in him more than just casual. I actually reached a point with my FWB - or more accurately, FB, that I didn't expect to hear from him. When I did, it was to hook up later that day or week and quite honestly, that arrangement worked fine. It was exactly what I wanted from him - and all I wanted from him.
> But if you're finding yourself waiting by the phone for that ping from him, you know you've passed the point of just casual. And, if I remember correctly, he doesn't want anything more serious right? If he was really "into you" and wanting a relationship you wouldn't be left wondering why he isn't texting you and in this uncomfortable "waiting zone". He'd find the 10 seconds.
> You have a decision on your hands.


I second that. Thats the problem with FWB. They only call when they are interested in time with you. After that, they are busy.

You need to decide if this is really what you want.


----------



## MRR

SARAHMCD said:


> I've been here, the same place as you and Vi_bride. Sounds like you are invested in him more than just casual. I actually reached a point with my FWB - or more accurately, FB, that I didn't expect to hear from him. When I did, it was to hook up later that day or week and quite honestly, that arrangement worked fine. It was exactly what I wanted from him - and all I wanted from him.
> But if you're finding yourself waiting by the phone for that ping from him, you know you've passed the point of just casual. And, if I remember correctly, he doesn't want anything more serious right? If he was really "into you" and wanting a relationship you wouldn't be left wondering why he isn't texting you and in this uncomfortable "waiting zone". He'd find the 10 seconds.
> You have a decision on your hands.


Interesting. It goes both ways though. My situation is basically a FWB and there are definitely times when I am in this 'waiting' thing and yes that makes me aware my feelings are beyond casual-- but also part of that is the simple fact that I am probably more invested emotionally. If SHE were more invested emotionally, then it is quite possible I would back off a bit, and feel unsure about wanting to make it to serious. 

It is difficult but I am learning to keep perspective, and the opposite of the other girl I DIDNT take the 10 seconds to text, with this one the reaching out to her thing definitely pushes her away. 

(As far as the one I didnt text right away-- she is going to make someone really happy-- I just wasnt sure immediately if I wanted to pursue because I was still occasionally seeing the FWB and do like her-- so you and FIP are both right in that she probably felt I wasnt very interested since I did not contact her right away).

Sarah-- just wondering how your current situation went from dating to exclusive. Did you suggest it or he? And if he did, how did you feel initially? All in or tentatively agreeing?


----------



## SARAHMCD

MRR said:


> Sarah-- just wondering how your current situation went from dating to exclusive. Did you suggest it or he? And if he did, how did you feel initially? All in or tentatively agreeing?


Our second weekend together he told me he was taking down his profile and did I want to do the same? I agreed. I didn't hesitate. I feel we have a connection on all levels and I want to explore it. I will miss my FB though!:wink2: But I'm ready for a relationship.


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## MRR

No I totally get it-- sounds great and hope it works out, but either way great positive experience. Reason I ask is because I know I cannot bring that up with current FWB-- she will back off. It will have to come to her getting to that place and hopefully I am still considering. 

This sounds like she is not into me at all but she is all over me when we are together, and if I am not contacting her, she will definitely not let it stay silent for too long-- 4 or 5 days usually she will reach out if she has not heard from me. 

But in any case, just wondering how that happened for you.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I've been here, the same place as you and Vi_bride. Sounds like you are invested in him more than just casual. I actually reached a point with my FWB - or more accurately, FB, that I didn't expect to hear from him. When I did, it was to hook up later that day or week and quite honestly, that arrangement worked fine. It was exactly what I wanted from him - and all I wanted from him.
> But if you're finding yourself waiting by the phone for that ping from him, you know you've passed the point of just casual. And, if I remember correctly, he doesn't want anything more serious right? If he was really "into you" and wanting a relationship you wouldn't be left wondering why he isn't texting you and in this uncomfortable "waiting zone". He'd find the 10 seconds.
> You have a decision on your hands.





bkyln309 said:


> I second that. Thats the problem with FWB. They only call when they are interested in time with you. After that, they are busy.
> 
> You need to decide if this is really what you want.


Good points, both. The thing is, he hasn't been the type to only text me when he wants to get together, but at the same time, he can run hot and cold, it seems. There will be spans of time when he can't see me because of his work/kids schedule, but he'll be texting me consistently... and then times like this when he drops off the face of the planet, which is usually when he's working 14-16 hour days and is stressed out. Usually, the drop in texts doesn't bother me, because I know about his schedule. I'm just super horny and hormonal right now, that time of the month--and the last time we were together, it was super quick and dirty for various reasons, so it was good, but not as satiating as our regular sessions, so there's that.

Oh, and he re-activated his OKC profile two days ago, so there is that, too...

Yes, I have a decision to make. I've been thinking about it quite a bit the past few days, and I think the decision has already been made. The sex with J-Dawg has been A-MA-ZING, but I can't continue to sacrifice consistency and certainty for really, really good sex... 

I tend to keep people at arm's length; I take a really long time to warm up to people, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. Dealing with guys who are emotionally unavailable is safe, in a way, because they're not going to try to get close to me. And if they can't get close to me, they can't really hurt me. And I stay safe.

I need a connection. I want love. I need love. I deserve love. It's very hard to say that. I've spent so much of my life _without_ love, that it's easy to say, yeah, I'm fine without it. I can survive without love. Because I am strong. But the truth is, I've had no choice but to be strong, in the reality of a childhood and, later, adult life severely lacking in love and affection. And I'm tired of being strong. 

I want to know another person on a deep, intimate level. I want to let someone in, to really know me. To know that they will love and accept me despite all my flaws and weaknesses, to know that they will be thee for me so I don't have to be SO STRONG all the time. And to know that they will let me do that for them. Someone I can trust enough to allow myself to be vulnerable, to know that I can give them that part of me, and trust that they won't break it. Or throw it away. To know they will recognize it for the gift and the treasure that it is.

I can survive without love. But I don't want to.

Why is that too much to ask? Why is that so impossible to find?


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> Good points, both. The thing is, he hasn't been the type to only text me when he wants to get together, but at the same time, he can run hot and cold, it seems. There will be spans of time when he can't see me because of his work/kids schedule, but he'll be texting me consistently... and then times like this when he drops off the face of the planet, which is usually when he's working 14-16 hour days and is stressed out. Usually, the drop in texts doesn't bother me, because I know about his schedule. I'm just super horny and hormonal right now, that time of the month--and the last time we were together, it was super quick and dirty for various reasons, so it was good, but not as satiating as our regular sessions, so there's that.
> 
> Oh, and he re-activated his OKC profile two days ago, so there is that, too...
> 
> Yes, I have a decision to make. I've been thinking about it quite a bit the past few days, and I think the decision has already been made. The sex with J-Dawg has been A-MA-ZING, but I can't continue to sacrifice consistency and certainty for really, really good sex...
> 
> I tend to keep people at arm's length; I take a really long time to warm up to people, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. Dealing with guys who are emotionally unavailable is safe, in a way, because they're not going to try to get close to me. And if they can't get close to me, they can't really hurt me. And I stay safe.
> 
> I need a connection. I want love. I need love. I deserve love. It's very hard to say that. I've spent so much of my life _without_ love, that it's easy to say, yeah, I'm fine without it. I can survive without love. Because I am strong. But the truth is, I've had no choice but to be strong, in the reality of a childhood and, later, adult life severely lacking in love and affection. And I'm tired of being strong.
> 
> I want to know another person on a deep, intimate level. I want to let someone in, to really know me. To know that they will love and accept me despite all my flaws and weaknesses, to know that they will be thee for me so I don't have to be SO STRONG all the time. And to know that they will let me do that for them. Someone I can trust enough to allow myself to be vulnerable, to know that I can give them that part of me, and trust that they won't break it. Or throw it away. To know they will recognize it for the gift and the treasure that it is.
> 
> I can survive without love. But I don't want to.
> 
> Why is that too much to ask? Why is that so impossible to find?


It is not too much to ask. We should all be asking for it. And willing to give it in return. Being independent does not mean you don't want to, or need to, experience love in your life. Actually, its the perfect place to be. You're secure in yourself, you just want someone to share the journey with. 

It is not impossible to find, but it is very difficult to find, that is for sure. Trusting someone enough to be open with them is a challenge and requires a lot of strength; a leap of faith. There is always the risk to be hurt. Hopefully a slightly calculated one, with the right person. And we all tend to hold back after being hurt in the past (I know I do). But holding back won't get us what we want/need either. 

The sex with my FB was off the charts too. I've never experienced anything like it - the chemistry of course, but more (FIP I think I know what you mean - he was a D). But luckily I did not want a relationship with him. I knew from the start we weren't suited. I care about him, I love to hear from him, but quite honestly, I think part of the excitement was that our encounters were so infrequent. So we made the most of every moment. There was no "real life" getting in the way. 

Your relationship with J-Dawg may not be quite like that but can you see him as LTR material? Does he even know you may want more? Or is it more that you are now ready to think about a relationship, period, and he's handy? In other words, do you really want HIM? If you do, obviously you need to either discuss it with him, or move on. But you need to think about if he's the right one in the big picture. If not, you have to keep looking. I know...uggg.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Good points, both. The thing is, he hasn't been the type to only text me when he wants to get together, but at the same time, he can run hot and cold, it seems. There will be spans of time when he can't see me because of his work/kids schedule, but he'll be texting me consistently... and then times like this when he drops off the face of the planet, which is usually when he's working 14-16 hour days and is stressed out. Usually, the drop in texts doesn't bother me, because I know about his schedule. I'm just super horny and hormonal right now, that time of the month--and the last time we were together, it was super quick and dirty for various reasons, so it was good, but not as satiating as our regular sessions, so there's that.
> 
> Oh, and he re-activated his OKC profile two days ago, so there is that, too...
> 
> Yes, I have a decision to make. I've been thinking about it quite a bit the past few days, and I think the decision has already been made. The sex with J-Dawg has been A-MA-ZING, but I can't continue to sacrifice consistency and certainty for really, really good sex...
> 
> I tend to keep people at arm's length; I take a really long time to warm up to people, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. Dealing with guys who are emotionally unavailable is safe, in a way, because they're not going to try to get close to me. And if they can't get close to me, they can't really hurt me. And I stay safe.
> 
> I need a connection. I want love. I need love. I deserve love. It's very hard to say that. I've spent so much of my life _without_ love, that it's easy to say, yeah, I'm fine without it. I can survive without love. Because I am strong. But the truth is, I've had no choice but to be strong, in the reality of a childhood and, later, adult life severely lacking in love and affection. And I'm tired of being strong.
> 
> I want to know another person on a deep, intimate level. I want to let someone in, to really know me. To know that they will love and accept me despite all my flaws and weaknesses, to know that they will be thee for me so I don't have to be SO STRONG all the time. And to know that they will let me do that for them. Someone I can trust enough to allow myself to be vulnerable, to know that I can give them that part of me, and trust that they won't break it. Or throw it away. To know they will recognize it for the gift and the treasure that it is.
> 
> I can survive without love. But I don't want to.
> 
> Why is that too much to ask? Why is that so impossible to find?


FIP-- I am glad that you take the time on here to share your thoughts about dating and relationships. The dynamics are difficult to understand and it is good to hear what others are going through. I understand your struggle and with my situation I do question whether she is reaching out b/c she just needs physical encounter at a specific time. Then again, I see her actions that indicate more.

This message reminds me that I need to keep valuing myself as, in my case, she does not always value my time as much. If I can value myself more, and show her I am valuable, it will allow this to go one way or another. I think being available, as I often am, makes it too easy on her. That might be your situation too, especially if you are by your phone waiting (which I am also guilty of). Maybe be busy the next time they want to see us?

In any case, you seem like a great girl, a great catch. And yes you do deserve those things. I wish I had the 100% ANSWER to getting it, in the way you WANT it...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I need a connection. I want love. I need love. I deserve love. It's very hard to say that. I've spent so much of my life _without_ love, that it's easy to say, yeah, I'm fine without it. I can survive without love. Because I am strong. But the truth is, I've had no choice but to be strong, in the reality of a childhood and, later, adult life severely lacking in love and affection. And I'm tired of being strong.
> 
> I can survive without love. But I don't want to.
> 
> *Why is that too much to ask? Why is that so impossible to find?*


Ah, THAT is the million dollar question! Why IS IT so elusive?? I don't NEED someone in my life but dammit, I WANT it! I WANT the partnership, the affection...holding hands and kissing in public, showing the world you belong to each other. I miss having a special, exclusive connection. I miss sex. I miss someone telling me they love me, and I miss saying it. I have connected with a few people but NO ONE wants to be exclusive any more.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> It is not too much to ask. We should all be asking for it. And willing to give it in return. Being independent does not mean you don't want to, or need to, experience love in your life. Actually, its the perfect place to be. You're secure in yourself, you just want someone to share the journey with.


Thank you for this. I still struggle a lot with the emotional abuse/bullsh!t brainwashing of my childhood. My mother did a lot of things to convince me that I was unloveable, and that my normal expectations of loving behavior were incredibly high standards that no one could reach. It has taken a lot of hard work to know that I'm worth loving, and keeping that mindset requires constant maintenance. It's still a work in progress. I think it always will be.



SARAHMCD said:


> It is not impossible to find, but it is very difficult to find, that is for sure. Trusting someone enough to be open with them is a challenge and requires a lot of strength; a leap of faith. There is always the risk to be hurt. Hopefully a slightly calculated one, with the right person. And we all tend to hold back after being hurt in the past (I know I do). But holding back won't get us what we want/need either.
> 
> The sex with my FB was off the charts too. I've never experienced anything like it - *the chemistry of course, but more (FIP I think I know what you mean - he was a D)*. But luckily I did not want a relationship with him. I knew from the start we weren't suited. I care about him, I love to hear from him, but quite honestly, I think part of the excitement was that our encounters were so infrequent. So we made the most of every moment. There was no "real life" getting in the way.


Yes, EXACTLY. And the thing about the excitement of the infrequent encounters. That may have something to do with it.



SARAHMCD said:


> Your relationship with J-Dawg may not be quite like that but can you see him as LTR material? Does he even know you may want more? Or is it more that you are now ready to think about a relationship, period, and he's handy? In other words, do you really want HIM? If you do, obviously you need to either discuss it with him, or move on. But you need to think about if he's the right one in the big picture. If not, you have to keep looking. I know...uggg.


That's a really good question. I genuinely like him as a person. He's funny, and someone I could be goofy with. We grew up in the same geographical area, maybe a half hour away, though he's a couple years older than I am. I think he might be good LTR material, but I haven't had the chance to REALLY get to know him. I need to get to KNOW him better. But he's a good man. He's always been very thoughtful and considerate, and he's made time to see me when he didn't really have any time to give. He volunteers with a couple search-and-rescue groups (he's had to step away from that in recent because of job transitions--see below), and will do anything and everything for his kids and people he cares about. He's been working a lot of doubles, and working through the weekends lately (when he doesn't have his kids); a few weeks ago, when he had his first day off in over two weeks, he spent it with his best friend in the hospital, who was having jaw surgery, and stayed overnight in the hospital, trying to sleep in an uncomfortable armchair when he was already sleep deprived. And over the next week, when he wasn't working, he was staying with her and taking care of her while she recovered from her surgery. He's THAT KIND OF GUY. And that's why I think he might be good LTR material. But who knows? He could suck at relationships. I don't know. (One of my best friends is an amazing guy and incredibly loyal and generous with his friends, but seriously SUCKS at relationships. I would NEVER consider him good LTR material for anyone.) 

Does J-Dawg know what I want? That's a good question. We haven't talked about it recently... over the summer it was mentioned in a passing sense, but I didn't want to press the issue at the time. He was working nights and most weekends, so even if he _wanted_ something real, our work schedules posed a real conflict; he was hoping to move to day shift this fall, but that still hasn't happened, so I still haven't brought it up. Schedules are more conflicting now than they were before; before he was just working nights (4-11) and moonlighting on weekends as a bouncer, but now he's working a lot of doubles and weekends (no more moonlighting), trying to prove that he can do the day shift. (Personally, I'm worried that they're taking advantage of his willingness to work extra hours, and dangling a carrot in front of him on which they never intend to follow through. But that's his circus.) So I know I need to talk to him about it at some point...

But I'm not putting all my eggs into his basket. I'm still open to meeting other guys, and I'm still on OKC, etc. But no one else has caught my interest.


----------



## MRR

Definitely keep your options open until you both decide you are all in w/ each other. I know, easier said than done sometimes...I feel like I am in the same boat as you.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> FIP-- I am glad that you take the time on here to share your thoughts about dating and relationships. The dynamics are difficult to understand and it is good to hear what others are going through. I understand your struggle and with my situation I do question whether she is reaching out b/c she just needs physical encounter at a specific time. Then again, I see her actions that indicate more.


You're welcome. I don't share everything, but when I think it's relevant or of some kind of value, I'll post.

And sometimes, J-Dawg's actions indicate that he does want more. 



MRR said:


> This message reminds me that I need to keep valuing myself as, in my case, she does not always value my time as much. If I can value myself more, and show her I am valuable, it will allow this to go one way or another. I think being available, as I often am, makes it too easy on her. That might be your situation too, especially if you are by your phone waiting (which I am also guilty of). Maybe be busy the next time they want to see us?


I do keep quite busy, it just seems like he knows when I'm available. I have occasionally said "no," and if I ask, he will usually say yes, even if it means sleep deprivation for him, unless he's REALLY exhausted. And I hate to say no when I know it will be two weeks before we get another chance.



MRR said:


> In any case, you seem like a great girl, a great catch. And yes you do deserve those things. I wish I had the 100% ANSWER to getting it, in the way you WANT it...


Thank you for this reminder and validation. I have spent so much of my life being undervalued. It's difficult to remember this at times.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Ah, THAT is the million dollar question! Why IS IT so elusive?? I don't NEED someone in my life but dammit, I WANT it! I WANT the partnership, the affection...holding hands and kissing in public, showing the world you belong to each other. I miss having a special, exclusive connection. I miss sex. I miss someone telling me they love me, and I miss saying it. I have connected with a few people but NO ONE wants to be exclusive any more.


I don't need to be special to everyone. Just special to one person, where the feeling is mutual.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Definitely keep your options open until you both decide you are all in w/ each other. I know, easier said than done sometimes...I feel like I am in the same boat as you.


I am. Some other options haven't worked out, either.


----------



## MRR

Yup, same here with 'other options' but I believe since I have continued to be open to those, it has helped keep me from giving of the 'clingy' vibe from the one that I am interested in. I do not ever tell her if I have gone out w/ someone just to tell her, but when it has come up it has certainly piqued her interest. 

Plus, it just gives you more confidence in general if you even have a conversation with a stranger or acquaintance and they clearly show interest. Reminds you that, like Sarah indicated, there are others out there that could be a fit for you.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> And sometimes, J-Dawg's actions indicate that he does want more.


My guy too. I have only been watching actions... Words not really listening to. He says not ready but his actions treat me like his gf .... So confusing


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> Our society expects women to prioritizes a man's needs over her own, and this is unfortunately ingrained in many men--no matter how enlightened they may claim to be. (Sorry, guys!)


_Quick breakdown as I'm late, but couldn't quite digest this..._
The topic was balancing priorities between single-parent-dating and single-parenting...

Oh... How _enlightening_ the family court can be on the matters of prioritizing a man's needs...

Just don't,
don't date single fathers if you can't handle being last considered.


----------



## RandomDude

gouge_away said:


> Just don't,
> don't date single fathers if you can't handle being last considered.


Agreed, as a single dad, I make it very clear that my daughter will ALWAYS be priority. It's the same case as it was with my ex-wife. I expected her to put my daughter as HER priority as well.

One thing good about ex-gf, aside from her downsides, was that she understood that. Well... sort of, she was really edging me to introduce my daughter towards the end though... bah! wimmenz >.<

I do have a weakness though, a woman who loves and treats my daughter right, prioritises her welfare... butterflies. Like an old family friend I dated (but we broke up due to ex-wife and she felt off dating her friend's ex-husband).

With women who have yet to meet my daughter, well, I'm more picky.

Note though, that I'm a man with childhood abandonment issues, hence this prioritisation of my daughter is absolute. My mother left me on the streets because her boyfriend didn't like me around, so having experienced that, I can never prioritise anyone over my child.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> And sometimes, J-Dawg's actions indicate that he does want more.


:|

Just because one is fond of you, treats you well, even like a GF, doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :|
> 
> Just because one is fond of you, treats you well, even like a GF, doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you.


As I am well-aware, RD. Not reading too much into anything.


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## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> :|
> 
> Just because one is fond of you, treats you well, even like a GF, doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you.


So why treat her like a gf?? Isn't that leading her on?? Keep it strictly fwb


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## gouge_away

Because validation is a resource most women would like in a sexual relationship.

Just because their fwb or fb doesn't mean they can't be friends and show interest in each other's non physical attributes without investing long term.


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## bkyln309

On the single dad subject: I like when they say that upfront about their kids being the priority. Too many deadbeat dads out there and a red flag if their kid is not #1. Also as a single mom, it shows me that they will understand my own conflicts with my own kids. The men I am dating all have grown kids or no kids. I think I need to choose a dad who is actively parenting for a more serious relationship.

On the subject of FWB: I think once men put you in the FWB category, seldom do they change their mind about it. I find men are very clear whether they want a relationship with you or not. If you arent hearing it directly, they probably dont want anything more than that from you.


----------



## ne9907

I've been so busy lately. A coworker said something odd to me, it's worth sharing. 
According to him, the older we become, we put less importance on physical looks. He said especially for women, we value stability and not looks. 
Why can we not have both? Does he, and perhaps, other men feel we will settle?
He said yes. According to him we do because our (as women) looks are fading. 
I work with a lot of chauvinistic men and I am their supervisor!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## where_are_we

ne9907 said:


> I've been so busy lately. A coworker said something odd to me, it's worth sharing.
> According to him, the older we become, we put less importance on physical looks. He said especially for women, we value stability and not looks.
> Why can we not have both? Does he, and perhaps, other men feel we will settle?
> He said yes. According to him we do because our (as women) looks are fading.
> I work with a lot of chauvinistic men and I am their supervisor!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh brother...not this again. I hate when some men and women think about age in women this way. They forget that men also age. They do not know yet or do not accept that gravity takes a toll on them too. Their balls are going to sag and their penis will invert....just as our breast sag and our vagina's dry up. Although it is more socially acceptable for men to age (grey hair and wrinkles make them appear wise, experienced and sexy) Women just become hags. So annoying.


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> On the single dad subject: I like when they say that upfront about their kids being the priority. Too many deadbeat dads out there and a red flag if their kid is not #1. Also as a single mom, it shows me that they will understand my own conflicts with my own kids. The men I am dating all have grown kids or no kids. I think I need to choose a dad who is actively parenting for a more serious relationship.


Yay! 

You understand!



> On the subject of FWB: I think once men put you in the FWB category, seldom do they change their mind about it. I find men are very clear whether they want a relationship with you or not. If you arent hearing it directly, they probably dont want anything more than that from you.


Damn right!


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Does he, and perhaps, other men feel we will settle?
> He said yes. According to him we do because our (as women) looks are fading.
> I work with a lot of chauvinistic men and I am their supervisor!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow.

I am speechless. 

I suppose that since I have declared that I will not settle, then I should be ready to be single for quite some time, then?

Rubbish.

At 44, I look and feel better than I did in my 20's. I am more sure of myself than ever before, and I am confident that I will find an attractive man who will treat me well and allow me to treat him well, too. Attractiveness includes many non-physical traits for me, so let me say that I am not being shallow. But I will NOT settle. 

ne, I am certain that you handle it well, but I am sorry that you work in the 1950's. :wtf:


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## gouge_away

Interesting, I don't think that is chauvinism or misogyny, it sounds of evolutionary psychology.

Women typically seek stability, men seek physical attraction in selecting a mate.

By 40, women are at the end of their fertility, yet both sexes at 40 are becoming more stable, or at least should be. Men don't prioritize stability over physical appearance in selecting mates, ever. Women continue to seek the same.

In that regard, one could conclude that women at age 35+ are becoming less desirable, and men are becoming more desirable at the age of 35+.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

**gouge away walks in**
**gouge away drops it**
**gouge away "science b!tch!"**
**gouge away walks out**
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> Interesting, I don't think that is chauvinism or misogyny, it sounds of evolutionary psychology.
> 
> Women typically seek stability, men seek physical attraction in selecting a mate.
> 
> By 40, women are at the end of their fertility, yet both sexes at 40 are becoming more stable, or at least should be. Men don't prioritize stability over physical appearance in selecting mates, ever. Women continue to seek the same.
> 
> In that regard, one could conclude that women at age 35+ are becoming less desirable, and men are becoming more desirable at the age of 35+.
> 
> Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


Wow, I am SO HAPPY to be reassured that I am completely undesireable and washed up at the age of 36. Thanks for that. Because life isn't hard enough already. THANK YOU.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Wow, I am SO HAPPY to be reassured that I am completely undesireable and washed up at the age of 36. Thanks for that. Because life isn't hard enough already. THANK YOU.


Yeah that pretty much sucks to know since I'm currently 35. No wonder I can't get anything more than fwb... I'm a washed up old hag


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## optimalprimus

FeministInPink said:


> Wow, I am SO HAPPY to be reassured that I am completely undesireable and washed up at the age of 36. Thanks for that. Because life isn't hard enough already. THANK YOU.


Anyone can pontificate on the biological drivers of relationships.

The important thing is that you have confidence that you will be an awesome partner for a top-drawer guy out there. 

And from the posts I've read you have plenty to be confident about.  

My only hint reading bits of your story would be.... don't waste time with blokes who don't want the same thing as you do. Even if they are nice AND they are hot.

Good hunting!

Sent from my LG-H815 using Tapatalk


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## TheGoodGuy

Woohoo!!! I'm about to turn 35 in a week, things are looking up!! Can't wait for the 35+ ladies to start lining up!! /sarcasm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away

I'm sure there are plenty of genuine, loyal, honest, emotionally aware part time pizza delivery hunks offline... In fact they are all around you! Scoop him up quick, he would love the sh!t out of an educated, stable, professional woman, just as much as he would love the sh!t out of the tight bodied, bankrupt bartender.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

optimalprimus said:


> Anyone can pontificate on the biological drivers of relationships.
> 
> The important thing is that you have confidence that you will be an awesome partner for a top-drawer guy out there.
> 
> And from the posts I've read you have plenty to be confident about.
> 
> My only hint reading bits of your story would be.... don't waste time with blokes who don't want the same thing as you do. Even if they are nice AND they are hot.
> 
> Good hunting!


Thanks, I appreciate both the compliment, and the hint. 

I've pretty much concluded that I won't be wasting much more time on J-Dawg. Maybe enough to get a little more sex out of the deal, but not much more than that.


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## TooNice

Well, this washed up hag has a new plan and a date for Monday night. 

New plan: I am officially jaded in terms of OLD. I have three months left of the free ("guarantee") part of my Match subscription. I am not going to renew, and I'll take OkC down as well when Match ends. In the meantime, I pared down both of my profiles, took down half of my pics and stated that I would like to go on a few dates and get to know someone. I am so tired of being propositioned - and on a paid site, too. I've even talked with some of them, and found several of them to be nice, educated, funny men. Who don't seem to realize/care that if they were to switch out of "hook-up" mode, they might find a nice girl, and they could be having sex regularly!  Anyway, I'm going to get out before I start to sound more bitter about dating than about my divorce.  

Monday Date: I have talked to a group of men at the local pub several times over the past few months, one guy in particular. They are construction workers who do specialty work and were traveling here for a job for several months. I didn't realize until their last night here that the one guy is pretty dateable, despite where they live. We've been texting and talking for the past couple of weeks, and he will be here this coming week for a couple of days of work. He's smart and funny and driven, and I've really enjoyed talking with him. I get to pick a place for dinner, and I'm looking forward to a nice night out with a man I know I already like and get along with. No expectations... no pressure. 

So that's where I'm at. I may be just about done with OLD, but I am content with my life and who I am. I'll stop actively searching for awhile and let fate decide whether or not she should step into my real life interactions for the time being. If it's not the time for that yet, either, I'm ok with it.


----------



## gouge_away

OLD has macro-hook-up / micro-LTR potential. Far too much anonymity. Most of the pre-first-date buildup leads to post-first-date disappointment.

As a descent female, you are flooded with propositions, its almost a full time job to filter through the messages and winks.

As a descent male, you are overlooked, because the females are already receiving attention overload.

The real world isn't any more accommodating, the single female to male ratio is 1.4:1. That's nearly 1.5 girls for every 1 guy. Most of the guys wouldn't give most of the girls the time of day outside the anonymity of cyberspace.
If one does happen to take a liking, he's worth a hundred OLD phantom shots.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## TooNice

gouge_away said:


> OLD has macro-hook-up / micro-LTR potential. Far too much anonymity. Most of the pre-first-date buildup leads to post-first-date disappointment.
> 
> As a descent female, you are flooded with propositions, its almost a full time job to filter through the messages and winks.
> 
> As a descent male, you are overlooked, because the females are already receiving attention overload.
> 
> The real world isn't any more accommodating, the single female to male ratio is 1.4:1. That's nearly 1.5 girls for every 1 guy. Most of the guys wouldn't give most of the girls the time of day outside the anonymity of cyberspace.
> If one does happen to take a liking, he's worth a hundred OLD phantom shots.


And the good news just keeps coming...


----------



## RandomDude

Awww, don't worry... be happy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Awww, don't worry... be happy!


I'm all good, RD. That last message was peppered with a little sarcasm on my part. 

But I do always love me a little Bobby McFerrin and cute animals doing yoga! :wink2:

http://stylesaveus.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Yoga-Dogs-thumb.jpg


----------



## gouge_away

Don't you all wish your friends or family could filter for you. That your social circles could vet out the good ones?

Instead of advertising your singleness on OLD. Ask around, approach your family and friends. Let them know you are looking, sit back, and wait for these guys or girls to show up...

You know that's how you met your first bf/gf.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks, I appreciate both the compliment, and the hint.
> 
> I've pretty much concluded that I won't be wasting much more time on J-Dawg. Maybe enough to get a little more sex out of the deal, but not much more than that.


Based on what you have said previously, especially about being anxious for his text/call, I would definitely try to back off and take it more casually. I am not saying I know what is in his head, but I know how YOU feel-- I get caught up in that too and had to work my way to a place where I can take it or leave it. I have noticed a little more interest in me from my FWB since then. Not saying we are moving to a next level, but it definitely has me in a better place. And I still feel like I am open to meeting someone else who may be a better fit or more open to giving what I need. 

And if you are finding you need to cut it off to really feel better, do that.


----------



## tripad

Great for those with dates coming up.

I have nothing good coming up. 

Just work kids. 

My dumb ex just decided to quit his job or he's fired according to him, just one month before court date, so judge would have sympathy and award marginal child support, just peanuts, really. 

I dont know if I should feel angry or feel glad that I'm divorcing a pathetic loser who won't feed his kids, even when I brought him to court!


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Based on what you have said previously, especially about being anxious for his text/call, I would definitely try to back off and take it more casually. I am not saying I know what is in his head, but I know how YOU feel-- I get caught up in that too and had to work my way to a place where I can take it or leave it. I have noticed a little more interest in me from my FWB since then. Not saying we are moving to a next level, but it definitely has me in a better place. And I still feel like I am open to meeting someone else who may be a better fit or more open to giving what I need.
> 
> And if you are finding you need to cut it off to really feel better, do that.


The desire for communication is because more communication=more sex. I am high drive. I want regular sex. My anxiety comes more from, "how much longer is he going to make me wait to get laid?" than anything else.

After a lot of thinking this week, I've reached the conclusion that I'm going to end it with J-Dawg. My needs aren't being met in this arrangement (not enough sex, and not getting the emotional connection, either), and I don't think he's capable of more. Not right now, anyway. So I need to move on.

I did end up texting him myself on Thursday night, and we exchanged a few texts, but nothing since then. (I had pretty much decided by that point, so my decision has been reinforced.) I wanted to have the conversation where I tell him that I'm not going to see him anymore, because I deserve more, to at least give him the opportunity to step up, but I don't think that's going to happen. Even though I know what the outcome of that conversation will be, but I want the opportunity to express what I need, out loud. This may end up a mutual ghosting situation... until he texts me a month or two from now, to see if I'm still interested in fvcking him.

And honestly, his lack of communication is already making me less interested, both emotionally and physically. I did my best to stay detached, and that's making this easier--but that detachment has also made it hard to stay interested at the same time.

There are already a few other options on the horizon, so we shall see what happens. 

(MRR--I know this sounds all over the place. My attachment style is fvcked up because of the emotional abuse I endured growing up--the best I can figure is that I'm a cross between dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant, or ambivalent. There are a lot of different terms, and I can't find the one definitive explanation. I'm working on this.)


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> -I know this sounds all over the place. My attachment style is fvcked up because of the emotional abuse I endured growing up--the best I can figure is that I'm a cross between dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant, or ambivalent. There are a lot of different terms, and I can't find the one definitive explanation.


This all makes perfect sense to me, FiP. I think given your history, it's pretty admirable that you have a solid grasp on what you want. Your confidence comes through well in the Internet world, so I imagine that bodes well for you IRL, too. You know what you're looking for. I trust you will find it.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Great for those with dates coming up.
> 
> I have nothing good coming up.
> 
> Just work kids.
> 
> My dumb ex just decided to quit his job or he's fired according to him, just one month before court date, so judge would have sympathy and award marginal child support, just peanuts, really.
> 
> I dont know if I should feel angry or feel glad that I'm divorcing a pathetic loser who won't feed his kids, even when I brought him to court!



Anger is a trap; don't chose that route. You are successful and independent, and better off in the direction you are headed. You have weathered worse in your journey so far... This is just another bump. Hang in there.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> This all makes perfect sense to me, FiP. I think given your history, it's pretty admirable that you have a solid grasp on what you want. Your confidence comes through well in the Internet world, so I imagine that bodes well for you IRL, too. You know what you're looking for. I trust you will find it.


Thank you. It took a LOT of time and hard emotional work to get to this point, work that is still in progress. And I've realized that it is probably a life-long, ongoing project. Over the last six months or so, I've gotten much closer to figuring out exactly what it is that I want. There's still a lot that I struggle with, but being able to name it, identify these issues, and having the vocabulary to understand them and discuss them, all of it makes a huge difference. Having that type of linguistic ability actually changes the way your brain functions.

That, and I have a dear friend who allows me to talk a lot of this sh!t through, who is very empathetic, validates, and helps me find the words to identify what I'm feeling.


----------



## vi_bride04

FIP - your last few posts have helped me very much in figuring out some of the things I have been dealing with internally.

Thank you for sharing.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> FIP - your last few posts have helped me very much in figuring out some of the things I have been dealing with internally.
> 
> Thank you for sharing.


I'm glad my posts have helped you


----------



## RandomDude

So, two friends have recently criticised my lifestyle, I know they mean well so I was not offended, annoyed though.

Still I no longer get why one has to be with someone to be happy. I'm happy as hell, though one of my mates reckons I'm only "content", but I'm happy to be content!!! The other, the lady, reckons I'm being selfish... errr 90% of my money goes to either my kid or charities so... the fk? :scratchhead:

Bah!

Sure, I wouldn't mind banging away with someone but in the end it's just too much drama attached to it compared to just jacking off and moving on with life.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So, two friends have recently criticised my lifestyle, I know they mean well so I was not offended, annoyed though.
> 
> Still I no longer get why one has to be with someone to be happy. I'm happy as hell, though one of my mates reckons I'm only "content", but I'm happy to be content!!! The other, the lady, reckons I'm being selfish... errr 90% of my money goes to either my kid or charities so... the fk? :scratchhead:
> 
> Bah!
> 
> Sure, I wouldn't mind banging away with someone but in the end it's just too much drama attached to it compared to just jacking off and moving on with life.


Hey, if you're happy alone, don't let anyone else try to tell you differently. A lot of people can't fathom why someone would want something other than what they have. For example, there are so many mothers our there who simple find it inconceivable that that I could be happy without children, and that this was actually _my choice_. The concept that I could want something different for my life is completely foreign to them, and they think it's OK to lecture me and say that I don't really know what I want, that I'll regret it later, that I'll change my mind. It's incredibly insulting--they mean well, but it's very offensive.

If you're happy, that's all that matters. If you reach a point where you're no longer happy alone, then you'll make a change--but only because you want to.


----------



## Sammy64

FeministInPink said:


> Hey, if you're happy alone, don't let anyone else try to tell you differently. A lot of people can't fathom why someone would want something other than what they have. For example, there are so many mothers our there who simple find it inconceivable that that I could be happy without children, and that this was actually _my choice_. The concept that I could want something different for my life is completely foreign to them, and they think it's OK to lecture me and say that I don't really know what I want, that I'll regret it later, that I'll change my mind. It's incredibly insulting--they mean well, but it's very offensive.
> 
> *If you're happy, that's all that matters. If you reach a point where you're no longer happy alone, then you'll make a change--but only because you want to*.


That's perfect !!


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> So, two friends have recently criticised my lifestyle, I know they mean well so I was not offended, annoyed though.
> 
> Still I no longer get why one has to be with someone to be happy. I'm happy as hell, though one of my mates reckons I'm only "content", but I'm happy to be content!!! The other, the lady, reckons I'm being selfish... errr 90% of my money goes to either my kid or charities so... the fk? :scratchhead:
> 
> Bah!
> 
> Sure, I wouldn't mind banging away with someone but in the end it's just too much drama attached to it compared to just jacking off and moving on with life.


While I don't think it is anyone's business, I kind of understand why people don't see why we can be better off alone. Society has really warped that for us. I've mentioned before my one friend in particular who does that to me. But she is a woman who needs to have a man in her life. At any cost. No thank you...

I don't understand the selfish comment, though. What is selfish about choosing to focus on your daughter? And yourself? And even if it is selfish, so what? Who are you harming? 

Keep doing what you are doing, RD. I think you've come far. You deserve to do what makes you happy or content.


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## RandomDude

Apparently, staying single = selfish, pffft!

Yeah I'm pretty much ignoring their advice, especially at this point of my life where I'm enjoying my tranquility.


----------



## free2beme14

So far OLD has been a bust for me, most likely because I am not into the the whole FWB, hook-ups, whatever you want to call it. Of course it could be because my profile sucks. Who knows, let's just go have coffee and conversation. I want the "fun" to be meaningful or for me to at least like you as a person, not just some random guy. I'll just be a nerdy book girl at home with my dogs and Law & Order reruns.


----------



## where_are_we

RandomDude said:


> So, two friends have recently criticised my lifestyle, I know they mean well so I was not offended, annoyed though.
> 
> Still I no longer get why one has to be with someone to be happy. I'm happy as hell, though one of my mates reckons I'm only "content", but I'm happy to be content!!! The other, the lady, reckons I'm being selfish... errr 90% of my money goes to either my kid or charities so... the fk? :scratchhead:
> 
> Bah!
> 
> Sure, I wouldn't mind banging away with someone but in the end it's just too much drama attached to it compared to just jacking off and moving on with life.


I get this 1,000%. I like being my own boss, doing what I want. No one to answer to. We are responsible for our own individual happiness, no one can MAKE us happy. I am now the happiest I have ever been in years. I just miss the sex part, ha ha.


----------



## SARAHMCD

free2beme14 said:


> So far OLD has been a bust for me, most likely because I am not into the the whole FWB, hook-ups, whatever you want to call it. Of course it could be because my profile sucks. Who knows, let's just go have coffee and conversation. I want the "fun" to be meaningful or for me to at least like you as a person, not just some random guy. I'll just be a nerdy book girl at home with my dogs and Law & Order reruns.


It takes time to weed people out. Even if you put in your profile "looking for exclusive or LTR", it often gets ignored. I guess they think they can convince you otherwise. You can't take it too seriously. I've done it a lot. Met my ex 11 years ago through OLD. And just met a guy I'm exclusive with through OKC after only a few months of dating. We're having a lot of fun (and sex!). So you can find it, but it can take time and be very frustrating. And yes, make sure your profile represents you well and explains what you're looking for. 
Sometimes you just need to turn it off and enjoy your books ( I did- and still do!) or your favourite shows. Be happy being single and having that complete independence.


----------



## where_are_we

Questions:

OLD = On line dating?

What is OKC?


----------



## gouge_away

Ok Cupid, I think it's a free dating site like plenty of fish.


where_are_we said:


> Questions:
> 
> OLD = On line dating?
> 
> What is OKC?



Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## Basic"FairyDust"Love

where_are_we said:


> Questions:
> 
> OLD = On line dating?
> 
> What is OKC?


OLD = Online dating

OKC = ******* dating website


----------



## RandomDude

where_are_we said:


> I get this 1,000%. I like being my own boss, doing what I want. No one to answer to. We are responsible for our own individual happiness, no one can MAKE us happy. I am now the happiest I have ever been in years. I just miss the sex part, ha ha.


Aye, not to mention it has taken me years to get to this point where I'm happy being by myself, it's an accomplishment by itself achieving inner peace and contentment. No longer a slave to my desires! :grin2:


----------



## Deejo

Longest running, most prolific thread on all of TAM.

Well done.

Hope I didn't jinx it.

I was going to read and catch up, but apparently that would take me about a week and a half.


----------



## FeministInPink

Deejo said:


> Longest running, most prolific thread on all of TAM.
> 
> Well done.
> 
> Hope I didn't jinx it.
> 
> I was going to read and catch up, but apparently that would take me about a week and a half.


It would probably take you LONGER!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, it's NOT going to work out with J-Dawg. I texted him last night to find out what is up. He texted me back about an hour ago.

Text I sent last night:
"You've been a little incommunicado lately... should I take this as a sign you are losing interest (in which case I will bow out gracefully, no hard feelings), or is this a symptom of too much work, stress, and not enough time?"

Text he sent an hour ago:
"Honestly it's a bit of both. I have been swamped and stressed with work. And I met someone and sort of seeing where that goes."

My response, about 15 mins ago:
"Thank you for being honest. I just wish that you had liked me enough to have given you and I that same opportunity. But I understand. It's not always going to be reciprocal. Best of luck. I hope it works out for you."

So that's that, I guess. I'm not surprised. Not the outcome that I wanted, but still not surprised. I can't say it doesn't hurt. I must have liked him more than I let on.

Back to the drawing board.

When he got in touch again at the beginning of September, after a month of us not being in touch, maybe I should have been more up-front about what I wanted. I'm not sure I could have done that, though. I'm not sure if I knew then what I wanted.

*Le Sigh*


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> So, it's NOT going to work out with J-Dawg. I texted him last night to find out what is up. He texted me back about an hour ago.
> 
> Text I sent last night:
> "You've been a little incommunicado lately... should I take this as a sign you are losing interest (in which case I will bow out gracefully, no hard feelings), or is this a symptom of too much work, stress, and not enough time?"
> 
> Text he sent an hour ago:
> "Honestly it's a bit of both. I have been swamped and stressed with work. And I met someone and sort of seeing where that goes."
> 
> My response, about 15 mins ago:
> "Thank you for being honest. I just wish that you had liked me enough to have given you and I that same opportunity. But I understand. It's not always going to be reciprocal. Best of luck. I hope it works out for you."
> 
> So that's that, I guess. I'm not surprised. Not the outcome that I wanted, but still not surprised. I can't say it doesn't hurt. I must have liked him more than I let on.
> 
> Back to the drawing board.
> 
> When he got in touch again at the beginning of September, after a month of us not being in touch, maybe I should have been more up-front about what I wanted. I'm not sure I could have done that, though. I'm not sure if I knew then what I wanted.
> 
> *Le Sigh*


Aw, I am sorry, FiP. I know you have a good handle on things, and you kind of thought it was going that way, but hurt still hurts. 

We grow from all interactions, and you learned some things you needed from this one. Onward. :x


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Aw, I am sorry, FiP. I know you have a good handle on things, and you kind of thought it was going that way, but hurt still hurts.
> 
> We grow from all interactions, and you learned some things you needed from this one. Onward. :x


Thanks. Even though I have a good handle on it, it still brings up old feelings of never being enough to actually be wanted or good enough for someone to see me as a good partner. Rationally, I know that's not true, but old wounds and emotions don't care.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks. Even though I have a good handle on it, it still brings up old feelings of never being enough to actually be wanted or good enough for someone to see me as a good partner. Rationally, I know that's not true, but old wounds and emotions don't care.


That makes total sense. And as strong, confident women, you are right - we know it's not true, but we all do it. 

You know, now that I think about it, that's exactly why I have decided to let my dating site subscriptions run out. That's how it's making me feel. And I don't even know these men - lol. 

Feel what you need to feel for now, but don't get lost in it. Have a glass of wine and some FIP time. And then get back to being awesome.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> That makes total sense. And as strong, confident women, you are right - we know it's not true, but we all do it.
> 
> You know, now that I think about it, that's exactly why I have decided to let my dating site subscriptions run out. That's how it's making me feel. And I don't even know these men - lol.
> 
> Feel what you need to feel for now, but don't get lost in it. Have a glass of wine and some FIP time. And then get back to being awesome.


This reminded me of a post that I read lately, and I wanted to post to this thread earlier, but it took me a while to find it again:
Love Life TBD 3 Ways Being The Strong One Is Keeping You Lonely - Love Life TBD

It definitely touched a nerve when I read it. But I don't know how to be anything else.

I've become pretty disinterested in the OLD scene. I put all this effort into a profile, and effort into crafting well-considered first messages, and I get nothing back, and the first messages from guys on OLD show none of the same forethought, and are clearly just fishing. I'm moving into the busy season at work, and doubt I will have much time for dating in the coming months, anyway. It would be one thing if I was already seeing someone right now--I would make time for him--but I won't have time to entertain dates with guys who are just looking for hook-ups. I may need this time to just be alone and focus on me.

I've already poured myself a bourbon, and plan on feeling sorry for myself for the evening. And then on with my life.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> This reminded me of a post that I read lately, and I wanted to post to this thread earlier, but it took me a while to find it again:
> Love Life TBD 3 Ways Being The Strong One Is Keeping You Lonely - Love Life TBD
> 
> It definitely touched a nerve when I read it. But I don't know how to be anything else.
> 
> I've become pretty disinterested in the OLD scene. I put all this effort into a profile, and effort into crafting well-considered first messages, and I get nothing back, and the first messages from guys on OLD show none of the same forethought, and are clearly just fishing. I'm moving into the busy season at work, and doubt I will have much time for dating in the coming months, anyway. It would be one thing if I was already seeing someone right now--I would make time for him--but I won't have time to entertain dates with guys who are just looking for hook-ups. I may need this time to just be alone and focus on me.
> 
> I've already poured myself a bourbon, and plan on feeling sorry for myself for the evening. And then on with my life.


Oh, my goodness. So much truth. "Captain-save-them-all". YES.

Thank you for sharing that!

I could have written what you said about OLD. I read profiles, I find things that speak to me and I craft witty and engaging messages...and nothing. I'm done. It's exhausting. My profile even says that you should only message me if you can say something more than, "Hey, baby." Doesn't matter. No one reads that far.
I am ready to date someone. To go out to dinner and hold hands across the table. Go to a movie and let him wrap his arm around me. Sex is nice to have, but I want intimacy. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to find it online.

I just got back from dinner with my kiddo (who I have been soooooo excited to have home; 3 months is far to long for this momma to not see her kid!). 

I think I will join you with that bourbon. Cheers to you, girl!


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Oh, my goodness. So much truth. "Captain-save-them-all". YES.
> 
> Thank you for sharing that!
> 
> I could have written what you said about OLD. I read profiles, I find things that speak to me and I craft witty and engaging messages...and nothing. I'm done. It's exhausting. My profile even says that you should only message me if you can say something more than, "Hey, baby." Doesn't matter. No one reads that far.
> I am ready to date someone. To go out to dinner and hold hands across the table. Go to a movie and let him wrap his arm around me. Sex is nice to have, but I want intimacy. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to find it online.
> 
> I just got back from dinner with my kiddo (who I have been soooooo excited to have home; 3 months is far to long for this momma to not see her kid!).
> 
> I think I will join you with that bourbon. Cheers to you, girl!


YES to all of this. OLD isn't worth it. I've had pretty much nothing but bad experiences with it.

And I've been thinking about it tonight, and while he was crazy good in bed, I'm out of J-Dawg's league. If he couldn't see value in what I have to offer, then he's not good enough for me.

_Mic drop. FiP out._


----------



## TooNice

Hells to the yes, girl.


----------



## RandomDude

Ouchie FIP =/ 
At least now you know. I would give you huggies, but my daughter has just depleted my supply of huggies and snuggles for the day... ack!

For next time, please remember, lest you invest a tad too far:



bkyln309 said:


> On the subject of FWB: I think once men put you in the FWB category, seldom do they change their mind about it. I find men are very clear whether they want a relationship with you or not. If you arent hearing it directly, they probably dont want anything more than that from you.


----------



## tripad

Fip

Hugs n kisses

I know the feel .

I wonder too if i had taken my neighbour on when he approached me during my divirce , would he be with me now .

Then i was not ready and now he seems to be busy or has a gf now .

I wonder too . But then i would never know how things will work out . But if i am not ready , then nothing i can do then n now .

Same for you .


Better ones ahead .,


----------



## where_are_we

FeministInPink said:


> So, it's NOT going to work out with J-Dawg. I texted him last night to find out what is up. He texted me back about an hour ago.
> 
> Text I sent last night:
> "You've been a little incommunicado lately... should I take this as a sign you are losing interest (in which case I will bow out gracefully, no hard feelings), or is this a symptom of too much work, stress, and not enough time?"
> 
> Text he sent an hour ago:
> "Honestly it's a bit of both. I have been swamped and stressed with work. And I met someone and sort of seeing where that goes."
> 
> My response, about 15 mins ago:
> "Thank you for being honest. I just wish that you had liked me enough to have given you and I that same opportunity. But I understand. It's not always going to be reciprocal. Best of luck. I hope it works out for you."
> 
> So that's that, I guess. I'm not surprised. Not the outcome that I wanted, but still not surprised. I can't say it doesn't hurt. I must have liked him more than I let on.
> 
> Back to the drawing board.
> 
> When he got in touch again at the beginning of September, after a month of us not being in touch, maybe I should have been more up-front about what I wanted. I'm not sure I could have done that, though. I'm not sure if I knew then what I wanted.
> 
> *Le Sigh*


I have been trying to follow your story on this thread. I am really sorry things didn't work out. If only people could be honest about their intentions instead of playing games.

I think sometimes we think we have been clear and we are still misinterpreted. I guess we should ask for a read back of how they perceived our intentions. I don't know. I haven't dated in over 12 years and I am not looking forward to it. 

I also read the article about being lonely (no one being there for you). It struck a nerve for me too. I'm wondering why no one ever asks me how I am or if I need anything when I always do that for them. It never occurred to me that I set this dynamic up. 

So how do we stop being THAT person? If you figure it out, please let me know!


----------



## tripad

I wonder how to ? 

Act damsel in distress ? 

But that's not me .


----------



## TooNice

I just posted this in my journey thread, but wanted to share it here, as well. I am grateful to all of you for you advice and wisdom. 

The arrival of the holiday season this year has me in a far better place so far than I was in last year. I was able to choose among four different invitations for Thanksgiving, and would have been happy to spend time at all of them. My best friend's son (who lives near me but far from his parents), is spending the day with me later today and I just learned that he also had a number of invites. He chose to hang out with me. Love that. I am looking forward to a day with dear friends who have been there through thick and thin, relaxing, laughing and simply enjoying one another. 

My son is home and has already chosen to spend some really wonderful time with me. He's with his dad today, but we still have the rest of the weekend, and my heart is already full. 

For Christmas, I am simply leaving town this year. No Lifetime movie channel scenes of me bawling on the kitchen floor. Instead, my son and I are visiting my BFFs in their warm weather state, and he will head back here to spend Christmas with his dad. I will stay there, again, surrounded by love and the comfort of old friends. 

To all of my TAM friends, I wish you a day of peace and contentment. Whether you are in a place that has you gathering with loved ones, or it's a regular day for you. Despite our life's battles, we all have much to be thankful for, and I include all of you on my own gratitude list!


----------



## vi_bride04

I am fearful-avoidant it seems and its rearing it's ugly head. 

I am realizing follow the same sabotaging behaviors in every relationship where I develop feelings for someone. 

Want to end the pattern. Not sure how. Feeling lonely and not worthy of love. Creating distance between myself and those close to me. Hard to get motivated to focus back on me.


----------



## unsure78

.


----------



## unsure78

Deejo said:


> Longest running, most prolific thread on all of TAM.
> 
> Well done.
> 
> Hope I didn't jinx it.
> 
> I was going to read and catch up, but apparently that would take me about a week and a half.


Lol little did rat know when he started the thread it would become this...


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> YES to all of this. OLD isn't worth it. I've had pretty much nothing but bad experiences with it.
> 
> And I've been thinking about it tonight, and while he was crazy good in bed, I'm out of J-Dawg's league. If he couldn't see value in what I have to offer, then he's not good enough for me.
> 
> _Mic drop. FiP out._


You are absolutely right; if he couldn't see your value, you need to move on. Someone else absolutely will. I am certain of it. 

I know you're feeling down, and frustrated. 12 years ago, while living in NYC and doing OLD for almost 3 years, I was ready to completely give up on the concept. So much time, effort and hope, only to be constantly disappointed or hurt. Then, the day I was going to take down my profiles, I received a thoughtful message from a very cute guy. 16 months later we were married. Even though that ended this year, I still don't regret it. 

I believe a piece of ourselves is given to each person we get close to in any form; sex, friendship, hopeful dating. Sometimes that can feel overwhelming and leave us thinking we just need to shut down and close up shop. No one seems to be reading our profiles, they only seem to be looking for hook-ups, etc. They don't deserve it right? And you should do that, for a little while. You NEED to do that. Focus on yourself, your job, your friends, your family. You'll be ready again to venture out at some point. 

You know that you learned things about yourself from being with J-Dawg. And maybe, if you can isolate those emotional feelings from sex, it may not be over. That's up to you and what you can handle. You need time to process. Either way, take what you learned and move on. It is part of your journey.


----------



## unsure78

vi_bride04 said:


> I am fearful-avoidant it seems and its rearing it's ugly head.
> 
> I am realizing follow the same sabotaging behaviors in every relationship where I develop feelings for someone.
> 
> Want to end the pattern. Not sure how. Feeling lonely and not worthy of love. Creating distance between myself and those close to me. Hard to get motivated to focus back on me.


Got to do whats uncomfortable and fight through thoes feelings...

Do what you know is right logically, not what feels right (because of your foo)


----------



## RandomDude

Deejo said:


> Longest running, most prolific thread on all of TAM.
> 
> Well done.
> 
> Hope I didn't jinx it.
> 
> I was going to read and catch up, but apparently that would take me about a week and a half.


:surprise:

We are being watched!


----------



## muskrat

Deejo said:


> Longest running, most prolific thread on all of TAM.
> 
> Well done.
> 
> Hope I didn't jinx it.
> 
> I was going to read and catch up, but apparently that would take me about a week and a half.



I started this thread during a very rough time in my life. Glad to see I did one thing right back then. :grin2:


----------



## muskrat

I haven't been here in a very long time. I see this place has changed quite a bit. Hope everyone is doing well and finding whatever it is they are looking for. As for me, I believe I am destined to forever be single. Dating is easy, finding someone that fits what I'm looking for seems to be impossible. Anyhow my life in general has been amazing, especially the last year.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

muskrat said:


> I haven't been here in a very long time. I see this place has changed quite a bit. Hope everyone is doing well and finding whatever it is they are looking for. As for me,* I believe I am destined to forever be single.* Dating is easy, finding someone that fits what I'm looking for seems to be impossible. Anyhow my life in general has been amazing, especially the last year.


That's how I feel about things too. I've been single for many years now, and always thought I'd just organically meet someone new through social connections or whatnot, but it hasn't even come close to happening yet.

I just can't bring myself to try online dating, based on reading too many horror stories and being too busy to give it the time it needs. In years of window-shopping without registering, I've only seen a few profiles I'd be interested in anyways. If I have to pay a babysitter to date you, you'd better be extremely promising right from the start!

So, I embrace my singleness instead. And spend way too much time on TAM.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks. Even though I have a good handle on it,* it still brings up old feelings of never being enough to actually be wanted or good enough for someone to see me as a good partner.* Rationally, I know that's not true, but old wounds and emotions don't care.


These unfortunately are not old feelings for me, this is where I am now...where I have been for just over 3 years now. I never in my life had an issue finding love, until after my last divorce. 

FIP I am glad you let J-Dawg go, because now you are more open to finding what is right for you.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> I am fearful-avoidant it seems and its rearing it's ugly head.
> 
> *I am realizing follow the same sabotaging behaviors in every relationship where I develop feelings for someone. *
> 
> *Want to end the pattern. Not sure how.* Feeling lonely and not worthy of love. Creating distance between myself and those close to me. Hard to get motivated to focus back on me.


YES! THIS! I tend to get too swept up in things too quickly, that much I know. Also since being cheated on in my last two LTR, I really have an issue with needing exclusivity too soon. I need to work on these two things, but not really sure how to go about that.


----------



## vi_bride04

3Xnocharm said:


> YES! THIS! I tend to get too swept up in things too quickly, that much I know. Also since being cheated on in my last two LTR, I really have an issue with needing exclusivity too soon. I need to work on these two things, but not really sure how to go about that.


I don't get swept up too quickly, in fact it can take me awhile to feel something for someone, but once I do, the fear and panic set in.


----------



## ne9907

I had a nice thanksgiving with family. 
Sorry about your situation FiP. 
I have been painting again! I feel happy to resume a hobby I enjoy. Had not done any painting in over 10 years! All of my old art I left w ex, here are two acrylics I did, and a selfie

Cheer up singles of mine! We are amazing!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

ne9907 said:


> I had a nice thanksgiving with family.
> Sorry about your situation FiP.
> I have been painting again! I feel happy to resume a hobby I enjoy. Had not done any painting in over 10 years! All of my old art I left w ex, here are two acrylics I did, and a selfie
> 
> Cheer up singles of mine! We are amazing!


Love!!! I'm going to start painting soon (setting up a room) but your talent puts me to shame! Very impressive! And you're gorgeous to boot! 😊

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I had a nice thanksgiving with family.
> Sorry about your situation FiP.
> I have been painting again! I feel happy to resume a hobby I enjoy. Had not done any painting in over 10 years! All of my old art I left w ex, here are two acrylics I did, and a selfie
> 
> Cheer up singles of mine! We are amazing!


You need to paint more. You're good


----------



## ne9907

Thank you all, I am fixing to do another one tonight. 

I checked my email today, I had been neglecting it for about a week. There was an email from ex husband. I will share with you so you can read the mind of a manipulative narcissistic person. I just laughed when I read it. I felt disgust and a bit guilty because I was married to that! I still carry some guilt because I feel I let myself beguiled by him. Anyway... here is the text. Keep in mind, this is the man who cheated on me multiple times and sexually molested an underage relative of mine.

"Just wanted to wish you a Happy Thansgiving.
I'll call you one of these days when i can contain myself. I'm not going to pretend were friends, cause frankly I dont trust you, but i do care for you and always will, a part of me anyway. I know just as well as you know, our life together is over. But I do worry about you, the millions of times I have considered contacting you, have been trumped by my hate and dispise of you. But, then I love you too. So the saying, "There is a thin line between love and hate" is no truer than my outlook towards you. You spit venom in your words at me, with the bitterness we share and I take it, or rather took it. Until, I had to cut off all ties to you, to deal with my own ****. I needed my time, as so, you also need yours. In hindsight, we - to include both of us, put each other through alot of crap, and also alot of good. There was alot of good and love in us at one time, but life, and well eveything that could and would got in our way between us, until it really just pulled us apart. We together tore us apart, it wasnt one way me or one way you, but both of us. I do want you to know, I am sorry for the hurt and all the negativity that i personally caused you in our life together. I can only speak for myself, and in no way speaking for you but quite frankly I was a very selfish individual. I used the hurt and pain you caused me for my own gain. And that was wrong. If I couldnt let it go, then I should have walked away. It in no way justifies my doings towards you. I only hope one day you grow from this and find a life you hope to seek. That makes you blissfully happy, secure, and content. My worries for you are that you will find someone who beats you or hurts you, but that is not anything I have any control over, but can only wish for you the very best of things and luck. I was lucky to have you in my life, and at one time couldnt imagine a life without you. That is the reality as it is today, and will continue to be till my last days. May you be blessed and thankful again one day, or maybe even today for faith, hope and love towards your future. I wish to you, a Happy Thanksgiving."
Best Wishes


----------



## Soveryalone

i honestly feel like the last single person on my Facebook. Everyone is married with 2 kids + and they all seem so very happy. I honestly don't think that will ever be in the cards for me. I guess i had my chance and really blew it. Anyways it still feels so strange living in a world filled with married people, I just feel so different from the rest of the world. in any case I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving, hopefully didn't eat too much Turkey or drink too much and start a fight with a relative


----------



## RandomDude

> sexually molested an underage relative of mine.


=/

Well now, your ex-husband is officially not human to me. Is he in jail? He should be in lineup for death row IMO.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I checked my email today, I had been neglecting it for about a week. There was an email from ex husband. I will share with you so you can read the mind of a manipulative narcissistic person.


Wow... he's all over the place, isn't he? Mine is manipulative and narcissistic, too - but I imagine I won't get anything like this until he's alone and no longer has his perfect little life with the OW. 

It is hard to not look at them and wonder how on earth we didn't see it, isn't it? 

I'm much happier living my own life, independent and not living under his thumb. I never even realized how unhappy my life was until he pushed me out of his. I'll have to thank him for that one day.


----------



## TooNice

Soveryalone said:


> i honestly feel like the last single person on my Facebook. Everyone is married with 2 kids + and they all seem so very happy. I honestly don't think that will ever be in the cards for me. I guess i had my chance and really blew it. Anyways it still feels so strange living in a world filled with married people, I just feel so different from the rest of the world. in any case I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving, hopefully didn't eat too much Turkey or drink too much and start a fight with a relative


Don't gauge things based off of FB. People's lives are not perfect, and I am willing to bet that half of them are not as happy as you think they might be. That sounds pretty gloomy, but I think it's just realistic. I know in my own situation, lots of people were pretty surprised to find out about my divorce. I never aired stuff on social media, so people really didn't know. 

I think the best thing to do is to just focus on what you know and can control... and that's taking care of you. Everything else falls into place, even if it takes awhile. 

Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, too!


----------



## Soveryalone

oops meant to quote Too nice and reply to them


----------



## Soveryalone

TooNice said:


> Don't gauge things based off of FB. People's lives are not perfect, and I am willing to bet that half of them are not as happy as you think they might be. That sounds pretty gloomy, but I think it's just realistic. I know in my own situation, lots of people were pretty surprised to find out about my divorce. I never aired stuff on social media, so people really didn't know.
> 
> I think the best thing to do is to just focus on what you know and can control... and that's taking care of you. Everything else falls into place, even if it takes awhile.
> 
> Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, too!


Thanks Too nice that was very nice of you to reply I agree that there are many married couples( on FB for example) out there who might portray this happy life , who really aren't happy at all. I guess I see firsthand, my younger sister is married to this great guy, and they have 2 adorable little boys ( 4 and 2 i was lucky enough to go spend time with them today actually), anyways I know for a fact that my sister and her family is very happy and i guess i just envy that. 
My thanksgiving was very nice thank you very much ! Just had dinner with my mom and step dad, first time in a while i didn't go to see my dad and grandmother and my dads family. I miss them all very much, wish i went to see them but i wasn't invited so yea, just stayed put here. I moved back to stay with my step dad , and mother to help my mother get through her first round of chemo therapy , she has a rare form of breast cancer which has a high chance of coming back :/ I try to be positive with her , and say yes there is a 30-40% chance it may return but that means there is a 60-70% chance it will not !!


----------



## laroo

Hi everyone. I just discovered this thread. I guess I'm single so here I am!


----------



## Soveryalone

11:15 on a Friday night , i feel like i should be doing something else, other than laying in bed on my laptop watching cat videos on youtube, i wonder if its too late to change my name to soverybored ?


----------



## TooNice

Soveryalone said:


> 11:15 on a Friday night , i feel like i should be doing something else, other than laying in bed on my laptop watching cat videos on youtube, i wonder if its too late to change my name to soverybored ?


I'm home tonight, too. Curled up with my cat, my laptop and Netflix 

Not such a bad thing. I even cooked a great dinner for myself tonight!


----------



## laroo

TooNice said:


> I'm home tonight, too. Curled up with my cat, my laptop and Netflix
> 
> Not such a bad thing. I even cooked a great dinner for myself tonight!


Oh is tonight Friday? I forgot!


----------



## muskrat

laroo said:


> Oh is tonight Friday? I forgot!


 Very well said. Who cares what day it is, just enjoy yourself. Even if that means staying home with Netflix.


----------



## FeministInPink

@Soveryalone--to back up what @TooNice said, don't use Facebook to qualify anything. Facebook is, at its very best, a platform so that individuals can present to the world a very carefully curated representation of what they wish their life was like, and what they want others to see. What you see on Facebook is almost never the reality, so don't judge your own life against what you see on Facebook. It's like comparing yourself to a woman on a magazine cover--a woman who never eats and exercises all the time, only to be told that she's STILL not thin enough, so they use Photoshop to remove pounds of flesh that aren't really excess, freckles that aren't really flaws, and lines and natural folds in her skin that aren't really ugly.

When I divorced, MANY people on Facebook were surprised--because I didn't want my pain and unhappiness out there for all the world so see. For all the happy couples you see on Facebook, there are actually many strained marriages and unhappy people; for all the perfect Martha-Stewart moments, there are many frustrated women who have discovered they CAN'T do it all and are just struggling to keep it together every day; for every perfect family photo, there are hours of tantrums and tears; for every touted success, there are hundreds of failures.

Facebook isn't life. It's virtual. It's not real.


----------



## muskrat

I agree with FIP. There was never one post about separation or marital strife on FB regarding my marriage. One day I just removed all pics of the ex and changed my relationship status. I never said a word about what was happening. Even while first separated people would make comments about what a wonderful couple we are and how they're jealous of our relationship. Those people had no clue that my ex was having an affair, we were separated and on our way to divorce. I chose to keep my personal business private. So see, what you see isn't always what really is.


----------



## Soveryalone

TooNice said:


> I'm home tonight, too. Curled up with my cat, my laptop and Netflix
> 
> Not such a bad thing. I even cooked a great dinner for myself tonight!


i think i watch cat video's on youtube to try to overcome my crippling fear of cats which derived from being violently attacked by one when i was 4 :X i cooked for myself quite often when i was in my own place (not very well mind you but i tried) and i guess i have gotten a little better because now i cook for my family and they seem to enjoy it  its fun to cook actually , i like baking better though


----------



## Soveryalone

muskrat said:


> I agree with FIP. There was never one post about separation or marital strife on FB regarding my marriage. One day I just removed all pics of the ex and changed my relationship status. I never said a word about what was happening. Even while first separated people would make comments about what a wonderful couple we are and how they're jealous of our relationship. Those people had no clue that my ex was having an affair, we were separated and on our way to divorce. I chose to keep my personal business private. So see, what you see isn't always what really is.


Sorry you had to experience that pain, I know it all too well. I was with mine for a long time, 12 years and she ended up falling in love and ultimately marrying an old "friend" of ours. so i went through the whole emotional affair thing and yes it surely hurt, and the next 6 months or so were the most painful of my life ( me leaving, her getting married so fast). This May will be 3 years since i left ,and now i can honestly say i am very happy for her and wish her nothing but the best ( i am still trying to get to that point with him, but he knew we were having major troubles and swooped in to save the day , kind of a jerk move if you ask me)
Thanks for the reply, I do agree more and more with the posts, when i really think about it, we really never know whats going on, and people will portray pure bliss until the truth comes out. I still really wish i had what my sister has, a truly wonderful relationship in which they both love and support each other, with two really super cute little guys (the 4 of them really do have such fun together as a family ) and i guess i just wish i could have had that, experienced it once in my life. Now its way too late for me


----------



## Soveryalone

@TooNice or anyone who wants to watch something really interesting on Netflix watch>> Inequality for all ( its a documentary )https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCbAyk8aRxI check out the clip, regardless of your political affiliation you will find this really interesting. I am really into documentaries , I am nerdy like that


----------



## laroo

Hmm about the facebook thing. Pretty much same here. I didn't mention anything but the other woman actually started posting things with herself and my husband before we were divorced. So my family and friends who were, "friends," with him were all like..., "what???" 

And speaking of Netflix...when I'm fresh out of a relationship I get kind of grumpy when I think of my favorite songs and watching movies. Those are things I like to enjoy with my significant other. It kind of makes me angry and I boycott doing things like movies and music without my guy.  I wonder when I will want to watch a movie again.


----------



## Soveryalone

laroo said:


> Hmm about the facebook thing. Pretty much same here. I didn't mention anything but the other woman actually started posting things with herself and my husband before we were divorced. So my family and friends who were, "friends," with him were all like..., "what???"
> 
> And speaking of Netflix...when I'm fresh out of a relationship I get kind of grumpy when I think of my favorite songs and watching movies. Those are things I like to enjoy with my significant other. It kind of makes me angry and I boycott doing things like movies and music without my guy.  I wonder when I will want to watch a movie again.


oh yes my EX and I used to watch the NBC show "the office" we watched every episode , we loved it so much , and we actually ended things right before the office had its series finale, it took me a year maybe to watch that finale and it still killed me inside, i totally get you on that one..


----------



## Soveryalone

@muskrat , i just noticed the date on which you started this thread May 23, 2013. 8 days after my 12 year relationship ended , well to be technical 8 days after i chose to leave and not be there to witness her falling in love with another man right up close and personal in my face. I was amazed that this thread was started so soon after I left ! Anyways I hope everyone has a great weekend !


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Soveryalone said:


> 11:15 on a Friday night , i feel like i should be doing something else, other than laying in bed on my laptop watching cat videos on youtube, i wonder if its too late to change my name to soverybored ?


That's how you'll know when you are ready to date. When you merely feel bored, instead of lonely.


----------



## tripad

You are good !!!!

You are beautiful !!!

Can paint me ????


----------



## Soveryalone

Hopeful Cynic said:


> That's how you'll know when you are ready to date. When you merely feel bored, instead of lonely.


So true indeed, and you will get back what you put out there , if you are lonely you will attract lonely people, lonely is a feeling i certainly felt for maybe a year ... and its a horrible feeling, its like watching the world happen from the sidelines, not fun !


----------



## Lifescript

Hi Guys, 

Haven't posted here in a long time. 

FIP: Sorry things didn't work out with your guy. I find that after it's over, we always realize that we were more invested than we thought. This has happened to me in both short relationships (not sure if they can be called relationships) I've been with after separation from my ex. The first one I was swept by her charm and how she sort of knew me without really having had time to know me. Sex was great and she was just so beautiful. Second one I had my armor on and was cautious not to fall too fast (I tend to super quick - I'm a sucker for love). I managed to keep my feelings in check and get her to say "love you" before I did. Never got to say that to her. A week or so later I found she was "talking" to some other guy and it brought so many painful memories of what my ex did in our marriage that I end it right then. Anyways ... can't lose faith. Just keep being the great person that you are and one day you will find your guy. That's what I keep telling myself anyways. It will happen if it's meant to happen. 

STILL NOT DIVORCED!!! Some complications but dealing with it. It will be over at some point so I'm being patient. 

I've discovered in my dealings with women that I put a lot of value on the physical. I guess it's normal. One has to feel attracted in order to be into the other person. But I've been talking to this girl who is really into me and she seems to be a very nice, hard working, single mom. She's not ugly by any means but there's just something ... don't know what it is but I don't feel the spark. We haven't gone out or anything. But since I don't feel it ... I think we shouldn't even go out because I see she likes me a lot and don't want to give her false hopes. Some friends say I should go out with her because no one can say what can happen once I actually spend time with her in that way. 

For me now ... I think it will take a lot to open up. I fear being hurt again. It just always seems to end bad. You like the other person more than they like you or for whatever reason it just doesn't work out. I'm a romantic at heart and when I meet someone I really like I just get into that zone. But one day I'll find someone who shares this vision of what a relationship should be like, who longs for it and it will be fvcking magic. At least I hope so. 

The FB thing ... yea ... it sucks. Most my friends are married with kids. And not going to lie although Im happy for them and for the people I have on FB it kind of sucks to see everyone having dinner with their intact families while you are kind of misplaced and don't have your kid for Thanksgiving. After my separation and pending divorce I've felt like I don't have a home. I'm thinking some of you have experienced that. I know people who have lots of issues and have imperfect marriages but still posts nice pics on FB about how happy they are. It's all a front so don't believe the hype. 

NE: You are a great painter. That was beautiful.


----------



## laroo

Lifescript said:


> The first one I was swept by her charm and how she sort of knew me without really having had time to know me. Sex was great and she was just so beautiful. Second one I had my armor on and was cautious not to fall too fast (I tend to super quick - I'm a sucker for love).


How interesting. The two relationships I have been in since my divorce went in a very similar way.


----------



## TooNice

Soveryalone said:


> @TooNice or anyone who wants to watch something really interesting on Netflix watch>> Inequality for all ( its a documentary )https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCbAyk8aRxI check out the clip, regardless of your political affiliation you will find this really interesting. I am really into documentaries , I am nerdy like that


Thanks for the suggestion!


----------



## Soveryalone

TooNice said:


> Thanks for the suggestion!


 @TooNice  sure thing , if you haven't watched House of cards thats really good as well, its a political drama , a netflix original which stars Kevin Spacey, its really well made  Netflix and Amazon are putting out some really amazing original content, I started watching a show on Amazon called " the man in the high castle" its REALLY good, its set back in time and its as if Germany and Japan won WW2 and Germany took over the entire Eastern USA and Japan took over the entire west coast , its really interesting :nerd:


----------



## Soveryalone

Hey do people still go to chatrooms ? my friend Jen told me about one and i was maybe going to go, i haven't in years since back in the days of AOL , anyways if anyone wants to go PM me i will send you the link  Its a really proper, well behaved chat according my friend, very much monitored.


----------



## Soveryalone

Lifescript said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> Haven't posted here in a long time.
> 
> FIP: Sorry things didn't work out with your guy. I find that after it's over, we always realize that we were more invested than we thought. This has happened to me in both short relationships (not sure if they can be called relationships) I've been with after separation from my ex. The first one I was swept by her charm and how she sort of knew me without really having had time to know me. Sex was great and she was just so beautiful. Second one I had my armor on and was cautious not to fall too fast (I tend to super quick - I'm a sucker for love). I managed to keep my feelings in check and get her to say "love you" before I did. Never got to say that to her. A week or so later I found she was "talking" to some other guy and it brought so many painful memories of what my ex did in our marriage that I end it right then. Anyways ... can't lose faith. Just keep being the great person that you are and one day you will find your guy. That's what I keep telling myself anyways. It will happen if it's meant to happen.
> 
> STILL NOT DIVORCED!!! Some complications but dealing with it. It will be over at some point so I'm being patient.
> 
> I've discovered in my dealings with women that I put a lot of value on the physical. I guess it's normal. One has to feel attracted in order to be into the other person. But I've been talking to this girl who is really into me and she seems to be a very nice, hard working, single mom. She's not ugly by any means but there's just something ... don't know what it is but I don't feel the spark. We haven't gone out or anything. But since I don't feel it ... I think we shouldn't even go out because I see she likes me a lot and don't want to give her false hopes. Some friends say I should go out with her because no one can say what can happen once I actually spend time with her in that way.
> 
> For me now ... I think it will take a lot to open up. I fear being hurt again. It just always seems to end bad. You like the other person more than they like you or for whatever reason it just doesn't work out. I'm a romantic at heart and when I meet someone I really like I just get into that zone. But one day I'll find someone who shares this vision of what a relationship should be like, who longs for it and it will be fvcking magic. At least I hope so.
> 
> The FB thing ... yea ... it sucks. Most my friends are married with kids. And not going to lie although Im happy for them and for the people I have on FB it kind of sucks to see everyone having dinner with their intact families while you are kind of misplaced and don't have your kid for Thanksgiving. After my separation and pending divorce I've felt like I don't have a home. I'm thinking some of you have experienced that. I know people who have lots of issues and have imperfect marriages but still posts nice pics on FB about how happy they are. It's all a front so don't believe the hype.
> 
> NE: You are a great painter. That was beautiful.


I am just wondering > you said you were cautious to not fall too fast , i am just curious how were you able to control how fast you fell in love? I think i have truly been in love once in my 39 years and I certainly had no control over how quickly i fell, how hard i fell and how i kept falling deeper and deeper every single day. I really wish i could have been cautious, I wish i never felt that strongly. I wish i never experienced that depth of craving and need to be close. 
Sorry that you were reminded of your EX in that situation with the second lady you mentioned :/ , I know all too well the feeling of being triggered its certainly not fun. 

Sorry you are still going through the divorce process, I am still counting my lucky stars that my EX and I never legally were married, was together for 12 years but for some reason we never took the plunge, but very happy we didn't now. I hope things speed up for you so you can heal fully and move on with your life !!

I know many people like yourself put a great deal of emphasis on the physical, i mean its normal and natural because we are all primal beings aren't we ? We enjoy being with people we find sexually attractive, its very much human nature. What i have found is to try to really practice self restraint and REALLY take the time to get to know someone very well, form a deep bond / friendship first before you even so much as touch them, or kiss them. once that strong bond forms, the first kiss will be the most amazing experience. It sounds silly but I have actually gotten very close to women i have met online and formed really close friendships first, all we are able to do is talk, and really get to know one another, sex doesn't get in the way, there is no mistaking love and lust. Anyways I know its easier said than done, but really try to get to know someone on a deep level before things get physical, just my suggestion for whatever thats worth. And yes i agree with you there HAS to be a spark, but i have also found that if you take time to get to know someone you aren't initially attracted to, you might end up very much pulled in by her personality ( really it has happened to me)

I totally understand about fear of being hurt, being afraid to open yourself up. The sick irony in that is this : in order to get over that you literally need to just meet as many people as possible and take the plunge with a few of them, not all romantically of course , but literally just force yourself to meet people, at your own pace, and the ones you feel safe with, slowly , at a comfortable pace open yourself up, day by day, allow them in a little closer. By doing this you will cope with the pain, the fear of being hurt and you will slowly become less and less afraid. Its a scary experience for sure, but you need to be courageous , and courage is when we feel the fear and do it anyway  

anyways my friend, best of luck to you, hopefully you can put that part of your life behind you and be ready for the next chapter in the book of your life :grin2:


----------



## TooNice

Soveryalone said:


> @TooNice  sure thing , if you haven't watched House of cards thats really good as well, its a political drama , a netflix original which stars Kevin Spacey, its really well made  Netflix and Amazon are putting out some really amazing original content, I started watching a show on Amazon called " the man in the high castle" its REALLY good, its set back in time and its as if Germany and Japan won WW2 and Germany took over the entire Eastern USA and Japan took over the entire west coast , its really interesting :nerd:


Looooove HOC! I never got to season 3 last year. I just started rewatching the first two seasons yesterday, so I can catch up. 

Someone else told me that The Fall is really good, too. That's also on my list.


----------



## Soveryalone

TooNice said:


> Looooove HOC! I never got to season 3 last year. I just started rewatching the first two seasons yesterday, so I can catch up.
> 
> Someone else told me that The Fall is really good, too. That's also on my list.


I am not even sure that season 3 of house of cards has begun production yet , there was some really bizarre legal stuff going on, something to do with taxes being paid to the state they filmed in or something ? not sure if thats been resolved or not , but the article i read about it was very confusing lol I nearly asked my sister to read it and break it down for me , she is an attorney  I haven't heard of the fall i will check it out, thanks !!:smile2:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

This place has been so helpful in helping me identify what I didn't want, and to move on quickly when I encountered it. 
It's almost like dating insurance, a place to come and get affirmation that something is less than right, not to be tolerated, etc.

Now that I've found someone that isn't what I don't want, I feel that I don't belong here.

I have no problem coming around and talking about dating fiascos until they're just ludicrous episodes one makes fun of on the ultimate quest, but it just feels awkward to talk about something that doesn't fit in that category. And I don't want to hang around to offer advice because doing so would mean I'd have to relive old emotions that I'd rather not re-visit unless I really want to.

One thing I'll say though, when we were talking today, one comment I made was...what a surprise to find someone in my own little world and private space, who actually belongs there.


----------



## Lifescript

@ so very alone: 

I think I've been in love twice. 

I'm not saying I was able to stop falling in love but I recognized that I was moving too fast emotionally and told myself to slow down "easy tiger" and it was the best thing I did seeing that a few weeks later I found out she was talking to someone else. I escaped pain by being cautious. I plan to be cautious moving forward. 

Glad you dodged the marriage bullet. Many of us here now wish we didn't get married. Getting divorced is stressful, time consuming and costly. 

Thanks for the suggestion. I think you are right. Sometimes you meet someone you are not attracted to off the bat and then spend time with that person and you start liking her more and more. This actually happened with my ex. 

The getting to know someone as friend and then it being special when a kiss happens happened to me with the first girl I was with after separation, the one that went back to the ex. I really felt a connection to her. I think I fell in love with her. It sure threw me for a spin when things didn't work out.

Good luck to you too sva. 

@ too nice 

Funny. I was at a kids birthday party with my son a few hours ago and we were talking to shows. I have a huge list. And the man in the high castle was brought up as one of the best shows right now. It intrigued me to know that it's about what would have happened had Germany won Word War 2. Sounds interesting.


----------



## FeministInPink

laroo said:


> Hmm about the facebook thing. Pretty much same here. I didn't mention anything but the other woman actually started posting things with herself and my husband before we were divorced. So my family and friends who were, "friends," with him were all like..., "what???"


Yeah, my XH's GF started doing that about two months before I filed the paperwork. I guess she got tired of keeping things a "secret."

On the upside, I got a lot of, "Huh, looks like he traded down, didn't he?" -type comments from the peanut gallery.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> FIP: Sorry things didn't work out with your guy. I find that after it's over, we always realize that we were more invested than we thought. This has happened to me in both short relationships (not sure if they can be called relationships) I've been with after separation from my ex. The first one I was swept by her charm and how she sort of knew me without really having had time to know me. Sex was great and she was just so beautiful. Second one I had my armor on and was cautious not to fall too fast (I tend to super quick - I'm a sucker for love). I managed to keep my feelings in check and get her to say "love you" before I did. Never got to say that to her. A week or so later I found she was "talking" to some other guy and it brought so many painful memories of what my ex did in our marriage that I end it right then. Anyways ... can't lose faith. Just keep being the great person that you are and one day you will find your guy. That's what I keep telling myself anyways. It will happen if it's meant to happen.


After a couple of hours of feeling sorry for myself, it passed. It wasn't so much that I was invested emotionally, I don't think. It was more that he had led me to believe that he wasn't interested in ANY relationship at all, when he really meant that he didn't want a relationship with ME. That's what bothered me the most... I thought I was going to continue getting NSA sex for the foreseeable future because I didn't have to worry about him getting into a relationship with anyone, and that simply wasn't the case.

But no worries, I'm good. Like I said, I've kept my options open, and I'm talking to a few guys now, so I'm sure there's something better in the pipeline for me, something that will meet BOTH my physical and emotional needs.


----------



## laroo

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, my XH's GF started doing that about two months before I filed the paperwork. I guess she got tired of keeping things a "secret."
> 
> On the upside, I got a lot of, "Huh, looks like he traded down, didn't he?" -type comments from the peanut gallery.


Haha yes! It felt good when one of his friends called me and was like, what!?? he's crazy!!


----------



## laroo

FeministInPink said:


> It was more that he had led me to believe that he wasn't interested in ANY relationship at all, when he really meant that he didn't want a relationship with ME. That's what bothered me the most...


Wouldn't honesty up front just make it so much nicer!? Then you can just get on with your life. Whenever they hide something to, "protect," you it really just wastes time and feelings and energy. Meh..


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> After a couple of hours of feeling sorry for myself, it passed. It wasn't so much that I was invested emotionally, I don't think. It was more that he had led me to believe that he wasn't interested in ANY relationship at all, when he really meant that he didn't want a relationship with ME. That's what bothered me the most... I thought I was going to continue getting NSA sex for the foreseeable future because I didn't have to worry about him getting into a relationship with anyone, and that simply wasn't the case.
> 
> But no worries, I'm good. Like I said, I've kept my options open, and I'm talking to a few guys now, so I'm sure there's something better in the pipeline for me, something that will meet BOTH my physical and emotional needs.


Gotcha. 

I see how that can sting a bit. 

Having options is the smart thing to do.

I know it's recommended that one take some time after a split but I really think the best way to move on and be better is to talk and see other people soon after. 

Except for a long term relationship or marriage ending. That's going to take a while to stop hurting.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, my XH's GF started doing that about two months before I filed the paperwork. I guess she got tired of keeping things a "secret."
> 
> On the upside, I got a lot of, "Huh, looks like he traded down, didn't he?" -type comments from the peanut gallery.


Same here. 

We had been officially divorced for four months when they went "Facebook official" with their relationship. While we were divorced, people are not idiots. You don't declare a committed relationship 4 months out from a 21 year marriage unless there is some funny math going on. 

Not to mention the fact that all of the comments from her friends were all mentioning that it was about time and she couldn't have found a nicer guy. A little reading between the lines shows anyone that he'd been public in her life for some time. 

The peanut gallery comments were kind of nice to hear, though.


----------



## TooNice

laroo said:


> Wouldn't honesty up front just make it so much nicer!? Then you can just get on with your life. Whenever they hide something to, "protect," you it really just wastes time and feelings and energy. Meh..


In my case, when the truth came out, I quickly realized that everything he did to "protect" me, was all about protecting HIM. He hasn't cared about taking care of me for many years - it's all been about his image and making sure he looked good.


----------



## Soveryalone

Have a great Sunday night !!!! Also i hope everyone has a really calm and uneventful time at work this week  Try to get past the dreaded Monday morning and have a really amazing week


----------



## laroo

Soveryalone said:


> Have a great Sunday night !!!! Also i hope everyone has a really calm and uneventful time at work this week  Try to get past the dreaded Monday morning and have a really amazing week


You too !


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Same here.
> 
> We had been officially divorced for four months when they went "Facebook official" with their relationship. While we were divorced, people are not idiots. You don't declare a committed relationship 4 months out from a 21 year marriage unless there is some funny math going on.
> 
> *Not to mention the fact that all of the comments from her friends were all mentioning that it was about time and she couldn't have found a nicer guy. A little reading between the lines shows anyone that he'd been public in her life for some time. *
> 
> The peanut gallery comments were kind of nice to hear, though.


Omg, THIS!!!! This totally happened with her friends... it made me throw up in my mouth a little when I read their comments, but then again, she can HAVE him. We'll see how happy she is with him three or four years from now. Poor thing. She has no idea what's coming.


----------



## tripad

Homemaker 

Seems like magic has happened for you . 

Keep us updated .


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> TooNice said:
> 
> 
> 
> Same here.
> 
> We had been officially divorced for four months when they went "Facebook official" with their relationship. While we were divorced, people are not idiots. You don't declare a committed relationship 4 months out from a 21 year marriage unless there is some funny math going on.
> 
> *Not to mention the fact that all of the comments from her friends were all mentioning that it was about time and she couldn't have found a nicer guy. A little reading between the lines shows anyone that he'd been public in her life for some time. *
> 
> The peanut gallery comments were kind of nice to hear, though.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Omg, THIS!!!! This totally happened with her friends... it made me throw up in my mouth a little when I read their comments, but then again, she can HAVE him. We'll see how happy she is with him three or four years from now. Poor thing. She has no idea what's coming.
Click to expand...


When she gets karma hitting her , she might call you up and ***** about him .


----------



## laroo

FeministInPink said:


> Omg, THIS!!!! This totally happened with her friends... it made me throw up in my mouth a little when I read their comments, but then again, she can HAVE him. We'll see how happy she is with him three or four years from now. Poor thing. She has no idea what's coming.


Haha yeah it's funny sometimes I see the OWs facebook and she's posting these goofy things complaining about things my former spouse does and I'm going...yep...yep...

and the karma thing...I was even talking to OW during the whole infidelity time telling her she should have looked out for me as another female and not done me wrong (she WAS my employee who I HIRED and I considered her a friend). I tried to give her advice before she took my husband away but she was a BRAT!!! 

I used to imagine the day that she would feel sorry. Now I can't say I really care.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> When she gets karma hitting her , she might call you up and ***** about him .


Ha-in my case, karma will hit hard, and she deserves it every bit as much as he does. She blatantly flaunted her relationship with a married man. I won't give specifics, but she did things that even made my therapist's mouth drop. 

They can have each other, I'm just still sad that she gets to have my in laws and my kids as part of the deal. She doesn't deserve to spend time with people I love. That's the only part that's taking awhile to heal. Everything else... Karma, etc... I don't even care about. I can sleep at night knowing that I am a kind person who would never disrespect another human being on that level. 

Not that I won't allow myself a brief fleeting moment to enjoy it when the time comes. But only briefly-lol!


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> When she gets karma hitting her , she might call you up and ***** about him .


Well, she's not exactly the OW, but technically she could be considered the OW, I suppose. They started dating a few months after we separated. I'm sure he told her that the marriage was over, and that we were just waiting for the waiting period to conclude in order to file.

Which was a lie.

We were supposed to separate, work on our own issues that we brought to the marriage, date each other (and NOT other people) to try to get to know one another again, and re-group after 6 months to decide if we wanted to stay together and work on the marriage, or divorce.

He apparently decided we were over the minute he walked out the door (and I can't say that I wasn't relieved when he left), and forgot to tell me.

So, I do feel a little bad for her. Their relationship started out with a lie. How many more lies has he told her? Even if it's only half as many as he told me, she's fvcked. And she will eventually get the same treatment I did.

I doubt she will ever call me up, though. We've never met. And she's lucky for that.


----------



## Soveryalone

I will never forget the time i got to speak to my former friend/ my Exes now husband on the phone. It was 1 month after I left, on my birthday and i figured i would give her a call ( there was very little contact after I left except for a few emails) My reason for calling was , i had planned to marry this woman, we were together for a long time, I was a part of her family, and she was a part of mine, I figured if i called on my birthday, I might hear her say happy birthday to me, if i had only known what was about to happen...

Me : hey there , hows it going?
Her: what do you want i am busy watching TV with _______ (my old friend her now husband)
Me: oh sorry about that , just wanted to see how you were, its my birthday, i thought maybe you would want to wish me a happy birthday
Her: ........ < silence, nothing> 
after a little bit she says : i have to get going we are busy

still no happy birthday so i will admit i had a few drinks prior so i called again

her: what the fck do you want ??
me: sorry geesh I just wanted to hear your voice , i really thought after all the years together you might want to wish me a happy birthday, you fell in love , and i left, I did the right thing, you didn't want me there so i gave you what you wanted.
her: oh my god, can you just move on already ?
me: i am trying to , sorry, its only been one month.. you have him, i have no one..
her: i have to go , don't call back, i am busy watching TV with _______ (her now husband) 
me: yea sure you are (in a sarcastic voice like this was all made up or something lol)
her: i am... would you like to speak to him

at this point i should have just thrown in the towel....

Me: yes sure i would 
him: ( in the most annoying voice i have ever heard) "hi john (my name) he said hello and a few other things and i just hung up it really wasn't what he said , but the way he said it, such arrogance in his voice as if to say he had won...

at this point I had another drink and called a final time lol HUGE mistake , in the donald trump voice > HUGEEEEEEE

me: sorry , i am really sorry for calling again ( i was feeling the alcohol at this point very much)
her: John (my name), If you call me one more time you are going to hear him f_cking me, do you understand ?

those words haunted me for I would say a year straight, anytime my mind wasn't occupied, any time trying to sleep , i would hear her voice saying those words.. and she said what she said for two reasons , to cause me extreme pain and to cause trauma, and to turn him on... what a sick, sick person she is.


----------



## ne9907

Wow that was so rough soveryalone.... 


I do not want to see or hear about the ex's new wife, girlfriend, whatever. I do not even want to see them in photos. I am done with him. I closed the door and I am happy. He is an evil person. 
After his email I am now wondering what he wants. Whatever it is I will not answer.


----------



## Soveryalone

ne9907 said:


> Wow that was so rough soveryalone....
> 
> 
> I do not want to see or hear about the ex's new wife, girlfriend, whatever. I do not even want to see them in photos. I am done with him. I closed the door and I am happy. He is an evil person.
> After his email I am now wondering what he wants. Whatever it is I will not answer.


do not and i stress DO NOT even read that email, no matter how curious you may be ( I know i told everyone i didn't care but i ended up reading her emails anyways which was a horrible mistake) The fact is EXes are EXes for a reason, and if you are anything like me, anything like most people , their words , as insignificant as they may seem to someone else, could be devastating for you. Zero to minimal contact with any ex is what i would recommend !!


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Well now, your ex-husband is officially not human to me. Is he in jail? He should be in lineup for death row IMO.


I agree. It is a long story but he isnt in jail. The victim does not want to talk about it, since she is an adult now, she has every right to do whatever she wishes. I support her decision 100%.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> After a couple of hours of feeling sorry for myself, it passed. It wasn't so much that I was invested emotionally, I don't think. * It was more that he had led me to believe that he wasn't interested in ANY relationship at all, when he really meant that he didn't want a relationship with ME. That's what bothered me the most... *I thought I was going to continue getting NSA sex for the foreseeable future because I didn't have to worry about him getting into a relationship with anyone, and that simply wasn't the case.
> 
> But no worries, I'm good. Like I said, I've kept my options open, and I'm talking to a few guys now, so I'm sure there's something better in the pipeline for me, something that will meet BOTH my physical and emotional needs.


OMG THIS!! I cannot THIS enough!! This was the line I got from the next to last guy I dated too, and sure as hell, within a couple of months, he had a damn GF! I get the same story now from my "friend" so of course I wonder who is really lined up to replace me! (as you well know, FIP!  ) This line triggers me, can ya tell??


----------



## laroo

Soveryalone said:


> those words haunted me for I would say a year straight, anytime my mind wasn't occupied, any time trying to sleep , i would hear her voice saying those words.. and she said what she said for two reasons , to cause me extreme pain and to cause trauma, and to turn him on... what a sick, sick person she is.


ouch  so sorry...that was so inconsiderate and superficial...at least she made herself less human in your eyes I hope...less to hang on to. It's weird how we think we know someone though and then they turn into a beast. 

I know death is hard to cope with but at least there is a finality to it. For some reason a divorce (or break like yours) just makes it feel like the person is still around popping up now and then and then they just keep dying and dying again every day....the person they were...to the stranger they have become.


----------



## Soveryalone

laroo said:


> ouch  so sorry...that was so inconsiderate and superficial...at least she made herself less human in your eyes I hope...less to hang on to. It's weird how we think we know someone though and then they turn into a beast.
> 
> I know death is hard to cope with but at least there is a finality to it. For some reason a divorce (or break like yours) just makes it feel like the person is still around popping up now and then and then they just keep dying and dying again every day....the person they were...to the stranger they have become.


That was the most alarming part for me, seeing her true colors so to speak. We were together for a very long time and I saw one side of her i suppose during that time, and after she reconnected with this old friend of mine ( she kind of knew him too years before) when she started to fall in love with him, I just saw this truly mean and evil side to her, i could only stand to remain there living wit her for a few weeks after their EA started, I couldn't bare to watch her completely fall in love, but in retrospect I think I did witness it happen, anyways it was as if she was a completely different person in every way. When i first met her she was so sweet, so kind, the most loving and lovable person I had ever met, and in the end she became this mean, angry very selfish person I could not recognize. 

I know what you mean about the death of a relationship, i found myself mourning for such a long time, and its nearly been 2.5 years since the end and i still have rough times, especially around now, the holiday season. It is true though time does heal, but my goodness back then I thought i was going to feel that pain and despair for my entire life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Soveryalone said:


> I will never forget the time i got to speak to my former friend/ my Exes now husband on the phone. It was 1 month after I left, on my birthday and i figured i would give her a call ( there was very little contact after I left except for a few emails) My reason for calling was , i had planned to marry this woman, we were together for a long time, I was a part of her family, and she was a part of mine, I figured if i called on my birthday, I might hear her say happy birthday to me, if i had only known what was about to happen...
> 
> Me : hey there , hows it going?
> Her: what do you want i am busy watching TV with _______ (my old friend her now husband)
> Me: oh sorry about that , just wanted to see how you were, its my birthday, i thought maybe you would want to wish me a happy birthday
> Her: ........ < silence, nothing>
> after a little bit she says : i have to get going we are busy
> 
> still no happy birthday so i will admit i had a few drinks prior so i called again
> 
> her: what the fck do you want ??
> me: sorry geesh I just wanted to hear your voice , i really thought after all the years together you might want to wish me a happy birthday, you fell in love , and i left, I did the right thing, you didn't want me there so i gave you what you wanted.
> her: oh my god, can you just move on already ?
> me: i am trying to , sorry, its only been one month.. you have him, i have no one..
> her: i have to go , don't call back, i am busy watching TV with _______ (her now husband)
> me: yea sure you are (in a sarcastic voice like this was all made up or something lol)
> her: i am... would you like to speak to him
> 
> at this point i should have just thrown in the towel....
> 
> Me: yes sure i would
> him: ( in the most annoying voice i have ever heard) "hi john (my name) he said hello and a few other things and i just hung up it really wasn't what he said , but the way he said it, such arrogance in his voice as if to say he had won...
> 
> at this point I had another drink and called a final time lol HUGE mistake , in the donald trump voice > HUGEEEEEEE
> 
> me: sorry , i am really sorry for calling again ( i was feeling the alcohol at this point very much)
> her: John (my name), If you call me one more time you are going to hear him f_cking me, do you understand ?
> 
> those words haunted me for I would say a year straight, anytime my mind wasn't occupied, any time trying to sleep , i would hear her voice saying those words.. and she said what she said for two reasons , to cause me extreme pain and to cause trauma, and to turn him on... what a sick, sick person she is.


I know this was painful for you, but, no offense, this made you look realllly pathetic. You pretty much asked for it. Take note of this and use it for reference for future relationships/breakups as what NOT TO DO. Sorry to be blunt, but sometimes it takes someone else pointing these things out to us for us to realize what we did. And isnt that what our epic singles thread is for?


----------



## TooNice

@Soveryalone - I read your post and all I could think was how grateful you must be to have been released from being with such a beast of a human. None of us sees it while it's happening, but what kind of people treat others with the kind of cold-hearted and ruthless disregard that so many of our exes seem to have? 

As for us, we get to start over. It's not easy, and I think it takes us longer to find another BECAUSE we are not willing to settle for any jerk or bimbo who walks in the room. Even after what I have been through, I still believe in true love for all of us. 

Or, wuv... twue wuv. That's out there for us, too.

(Anyone who gets that reference gets an instant shiny gold star in my book.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

TooNice said:


> Or, wuv... twue wuv. That's out there for us, too.
> 
> (Anyone who gets that reference gets an instant shiny gold star in my book.


There are people who don't? That's so sad.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> There are people who don't? That's so sad.


My thoughts exactly. Anyone who doesn't must live a sad existence 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## laroo

TooNice said:


> Or, wuv... twue wuv. That's out there for us, too.
> 
> (Anyone who gets that reference gets an instant shiny gold star in my book.


Is that like, "ahhh mawiwedge...wuv...twue wuv!" ?


----------



## tripad

Hey 

What's does that mean ?


----------



## tripad

laroo said:


> Soveryalone said:
> 
> 
> 
> those words haunted me for I would say a year straight, anytime my mind wasn't occupied, any time trying to sleep , i would hear her voice saying those words.. and she said what she said for two reasons , to cause me extreme pain and to cause trauma, and to turn him on... what a sick, sick person she is.
> 
> 
> 
> ouch
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> so sorry...that was so inconsiderate and superficial...at least she made herself less human in your eyes I hope...less to hang on to. It's weird how we think we know someone though and then they turn into a beast.
> 
> I know death is hard to cope with but at least there is a finality to it. For some reason a divorce (or break like yours) just makes it feel like the person is still around popping up now and then and then they just keep dying and dying again every day....the person they were...to the stranger they have become.
Click to expand...


Ya

I wonder today why and when did my ex turn into a stranger , a beast ? Where did the man i marry go to ? Which was the real person ?

If i know another man n does the person disappear after marriage ? What they call bait and switch .


----------



## TooNice

Hopeful Cynic said:


> There are people who don't? That's so sad.


Agreed. I don't have many relationship guidelines, friendship or otherwise, but if you don't find that type of humor funny, our odds are not good.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> What's does that mean ?


It is a reference to a movie - The Princess Bride. One of my all time favorites!


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Ya
> 
> I wonder today why and when did my ex turn into a stranger , a beast ? Where did the man i marry go to ? Which was the real person ?
> 
> If i know another man n does the person disappear after marriage ? What they call bait and switch .


I have thought a great deal about this. In hindsight, I ignored signs. I made concessions in our relationship from the start, and I allowed him to shut out my own family and friends. When I look back, I realize that we never had anything close to what I would be looking for now. 

The real person in my case was always right in front of me - I just didn't want to see him.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> I know this was painful for you, but, no offense, this made you look realllly pathetic. You pretty much asked for it. Take note of this and use it for reference for future relationships/breakups as what NOT TO DO. Sorry to be blunt, but sometimes it takes someone else pointing these things out to us for us to realize what we did. And isnt that what our epic singles thread is for?


You said what I couldnt 

I was thinking recently about FWB and FB, there is nothing wrong with them when we are still in the mourning proccess or looking for validation. However, once we are ready for a relationship, we cannot begin something special in a FWB setting.
As a person who has a lot of love to give to someone, I want to get to know the individual I am interested in. I want to make sure this personis worth my time, effort, and affection. 
I was reflection on the Navy guy from last year, his actions all spoke of FB (his words did not). In any event, lets focus on dating for substance, lets take things slow and no rush to sex too soon because sex confuses our senses.


----------



## Soveryalone

3Xnocharm said:


> I know this was painful for you, but, no offense, this made you look realllly pathetic. You pretty much asked for it. Take note of this and use it for reference for future relationships/breakups as what NOT TO DO. Sorry to be blunt, but sometimes it takes someone else pointing these things out to us for us to realize what we did. And isnt that what our epic singles thread is for?


I appreciate your opinion, and I guess it was realllly pathetic, hopefully i used the same number of L's as you , i am not concerned with looking strong or weak or pathetic on a website like this, i am here to be honest about my life and perhaps give someone else some sense of belonging or make them feel less alone because i know for a fact i am not the only guy who have ever looked pathetic because of a woman.. and sorry but " sorry but I pretty much asked for it"


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Soveryalone said:


> I appreciate your opinion, and I guess it was realllly pathetic, hopefully i used the same number of L's as you , i am not concerned with looking strong or weak or pathetic on a website like this, i am here to be honest about my life and perhaps give someone else some sense of belonging or make them feel less alone because i know for a fact i am not the only guy who have ever looked pathetic because of a woman..


3x did not mean you looked pathetic here, to us, a group of strangers. You looked pathetic to your stbx wife, and the OM if I may say so. 

It was not meant to be a slap to your face, but a criticism so that you can grow from that. (also sometimes called a 2x4 around here. They're almost always given from a place of love and support. Almost always..) :grin2:


----------



## Soveryalone

TheGoodGuy said:


> 3x did not mean you looked pathetic here, to us, a group of strangers. You looked pathetic to your stbx wife, and the OM if I may say so.
> 
> It was not meant to be a slap to your face, but a criticism so that you can grow from that. (also sometimes called a 2x4 around here. They're almost always given from a place of love and support. Almost always..) :grin2:


oops LOL oh yes for sure i looked extremely weak to them both , yes very pathetic !! my mistake , i misunderstood what was said, my mistake , sorry i am not familiar with many of the terms used on this site, all apologies !! :smile2:


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Soveryalone said:


> oops LOL oh yes for sure i looked extremely weak to them both , yes very pathetic !! my mistake , i misunderstood what was said, my mistake , sorry i am not familiar with many of the terms used on this site, all apologies !! :smile2:


All good bro. I too made some bonehead pathetic moves early on, most of us do. No one teaches us this stuff before we come to TAM for our TAM education. :smile2:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> 3x did not mean you looked pathetic here, to us, a group of strangers. You looked pathetic to your stbx wife, and the OM if I may say so.
> 
> It was not meant to be a slap to your face, but a criticism so that you can grow from that. (also sometimes called a 2x4 around here. They're almost always given from a place of love and support. Almost always..) :grin2:


Exactly!  Thanks Guy!


----------



## BetrayedDad

Soveryalone said:


> her: John (my name), If you call me one more time you are going to hear him f_cking me, do you understand ?
> 
> those words haunted me for I would say a year straight, anytime my mind wasn't occupied, any time trying to sleep , i would hear her voice saying those words.. and she said what she said for two reasons , to cause me extreme pain and to cause trauma, and to turn him on... what a sick, sick person she is.


Could of been a lot worse dude. You could of had the pleasure of actually hearing it like some of us here have.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hope Shimmers said:


> Interesting thread...
> 
> Well, my long-distance relationship partner unceremoniously dumped me last night for (insert random reason here because I don't know why and probably never will) so I guess I'm single (again). So I'll play.
> 
> My divorce was several years ago so I'm way past that part.


What a rotten thing to do, everyone deserves a reason as to WHY they are suddenly being dumped...Sorry that happened to you!


----------



## RandomDude

Annoyed lately, stress from work now that it's peak season. Thought I already had everything sorted for next few months but guess not... *sigh*

Hate having my peace disturbed!










Grrrr...


----------



## tripad

Betrayed dad

Hearing it 

Omg

Sick


----------



## tripad

3Xnocharm said:


> Hope Shimmers said:
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting thread...
> 
> Well, my long-distance relationship partner unceremoniously dumped me last night for (insert random reason here because I don't know why and probably never will) so I guess I'm single (again). So I'll play.
> 
> My divorce was several years ago so I'm way past that part.
> 
> 
> 
> What a rotten thing to do, everyone deserves a reason as to WHY they are suddenly being dumped...Sorry that happened to you!
Click to expand...

Yup 

******* 

Better that you got rid of him


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Annoyed lately, stress from work now that it's peak season. Thought I already had everything sorted for next few months but guess not... *sigh*
> 
> Hate having my peace disturbed!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Grrrr...


R D

Remain cool . Nothing you cant handle - i always tell myself - after possibly knocking my head on the wall 

I am just working hard n doing great but really bored with no partner to share my joy and frustration .

Got to paste a sticker on my forehead that i am single ? So some man may approach me instead of just looking ? Hmmmmmm


----------



## RandomDude

That's the problem of working hard, it fuels the desire for companionship.

After years of putting myself through hell to reach the light at the end of the tunnel I thought I achieved financial freedom but now I'm back to being forced to work for my money again BAH!

Oh well, it'll pass, peak season after all, more money... yay, that I hardly ever use. Seriously the only financial motivation I ever had was for my family but now, meh, just forfilling my responsibilities and nothing else.


----------



## RandomDude

Wow, I killed the thread... O.O


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lol, yup. 

Date tonight!! Woop woop!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Wow, I killed the thread... O.O



Looks like RD and me sinking into work and no date .:crying:

Thus talking about work killed the thread.

nvm

Those with the fun dates keep it flowing in with the juicy fun messages .

Sigh . 

When i get a date at all , i wonder if i will be too boring by then or will i just eat him up alive on first date , chew and chomp ?????>


----------



## RandomDude

No dates for me, too busy keeping the cash machine running without blowing up in everyone's faces. Been a while since I had to manage operations. Looks like it's going to be this way until after Chinese New Year... *sigh*

But even if we take work away, still no dates for me cause I'm still in "FK relationships, single for the win!" mode.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> Lol, yup.
> 
> Date tonight!! Woop woop!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mandatory date report required!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> Mandatory date report required!


We never went out. I forgot to come back here and update everyone. Got a long message yesterday morning that she's just a month out from her last long term relationship and wants us to move more slowly. We talked on the phone last night instead and she wants to meet me for lunch tomorrow. Not sure why a dinner date had her freaked out when lunch dates don't seem to bother her.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> We never went out. I forgot to come back here and update everyone. Got a long message yesterday morning that she's just a month out from her last long term relationship and wants us to move more slowly. We talked on the phone last night instead and she wants to meet me for lunch tomorrow. Not sure why a dinner date had her freaked out when lunch dates don't seem to bother her.


Weird...


----------



## ne9907

TheGoodGuy said:


> We never went out. I forgot to come back here and update everyone. Got a long message yesterday morning that she's just a month out from her last long term relationship and wants us to move more slowly. We talked on the phone last night instead and she wants to meet me for lunch tomorrow. Not sure why a dinner date had her freaked out when lunch dates don't seem to bother her.


Because some women (at least me!) feel a dinner date is more serious than a lunch date, therefore there is more pressure and anxious feelings.


A million and a half years ago I was in love with a beautiful blued eyed young man (I was 20 so was he).
I dreamed about him, in the dream his eyes were piercing mine and closed slowly as he kissed my cheek. After his kiss, he told me he could not be with me because he was not worthy of my love. He held my hand the entire time. I woke up angry at him for his stupid words, I was also awfully sad and nostalgic, and my cheek still felt his kiss.

If I were to believe in true love/soulmates he was it. He is the last hope of romantic love I have but I must let him go. Havent heard from him in 3 years.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> After his kiss, he told me he could not be with me because he was not worthy of my love.


Lol wtf?!

Hell the sh-t some men say... *cringes*


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Lol wtf?!
> 
> Hell the sh-t some men say... *cringes*


haha!! It was just a dream, but I agree with you. Even in my dreams he is douchy!!~


----------



## vi_bride04

Bought a kayak for myself for xmas

Don't forget to Treat Yo' Self this holiday season, singles!


----------



## Lone Shadow

I bought myself some new tires for the bike. And new eyes. If you've been following my thread, you'll already know that I got LASIK last Thursday.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

I think I'm going to buy a cover for my camper. exciting I know!


----------



## MRR

ok, so need some help with the nicest way to cancel a date with a woman i met on tinder. 

i had lung surgery 2 months ago (cancer came back from 2014) and was feeling pretty good until about thanksgiving. should not have set up this date and she is seeming very eager, a lot of texting. i dont think i have the energy and do not want to lead her on, we are supposed to meet after work thursday. 

Thoughts?


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't forget to Treat Yo' Self this holiday season, singles!


Thinking about hiring a personal trainer, and it's time for new running shoes.


----------



## Lone Shadow

I'm thinking if you cancel the date, she might think you're just blowing her off. If you can call her instead of texting, and suggest keeping it to maybe just coffee or a single drink, it would work better. Then there aren't misconceptions, and the date can run longer if you're feeling up to it.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> ok, so need some help with the nicest way to cancel a date with a woman i met on tinder.
> 
> i had lung surgery 2 months ago (cancer came back from 2014) and was feeling pretty good until about thanksgiving. should not have set up this date and she is seeming very eager, a lot of texting. i dont think i have the energy and do not want to lead her on, we are supposed to meet after work thursday.
> 
> Thoughts?


Honesty is always best in my book. Does she know about the surgery? 

I'm sorry you're having to go through that...I hope the surgery was successful and that you are feeling better soon.


----------



## MRR

She knows about the surgery but we have not met so i havent told her how serious it is. Honestly, at this time, I really want to step back from dating. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and not myself, and coupled with the fact that she seems a bit TOO eager, I already feel like she wants more than i am ready for and I havent even met her yet. I think it would definitely be better to cancel the date altogether and then just step back and focus on myself. Part of it is how I am feeling-- fatigue, stress, etc--- and the other part is that I am gathering she is really wanting more. I dont think a single day has gone by she has not texted me and seemed to want to do that ongoing. 

I do not really want to make an excuse but not sure exactly how to put it to her. 

We have never talked on the phone or met in person, just text/email. I may just text: I am really sorry but I am going to have to cancel for Thursday. I have been going through a lot personally and need to step back from dating for awhile. blah blah blah.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> MRR said:
> 
> 
> 
> ok, so need some help with the nicest way to cancel a date with a woman i met on tinder.
> 
> i had lung surgery 2 months ago (cancer came back from 2014) and was feeling pretty good until about thanksgiving. should not have set up this date and she is seeming very eager, a lot of texting. i dont think i have the energy and do not want to lead her on, we are supposed to meet after work thursday.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> 
> 
> Honesty is always best in my book. Does she know about the surgery?
> 
> I'm sorry you're having to go through that...I hope the surgery was successful and that you are feeling better soon.
Click to expand...

Agree

Tell the truth as it is 

If she's good , she would understand n visit you or just back off nicely .

If she gets angry , then better find out now and thank god .


----------



## tripad

TheGoodGuy said:


> 3Xnocharm said:
> 
> 
> 
> Mandatory date report required!
> 
> 
> 
> We never went out. I forgot to come back here and update everyone. Got a long message yesterday morning that she's just a month out from her last long term relationship and wants us to move more slowly. We talked on the phone last night instead and she wants to meet me for lunch tomorrow. Not sure why a dinner date had her freaked out when lunch dates don't seem to bother her.
Click to expand...

Lunch seems more business like and friendly , not date like serious date , which might end up with more after dinner . 

At least she's frank n honest . I would appreciate that .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> After his kiss, he told me he could not be with me because he was not worthy of my love.
> 
> 
> 
> Lol wtf?!
> 
> Hell the sh-t some men say... *cringes*
Click to expand...

That was a dream .

Still .

If he said that to me even in my dream , i would probably go WTF , fuzk off , just tell me you are not keen .

Lol .

But blue eye hmmmmmmm


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> Bought a kayak for myself for xmas
> 
> Don't forget to Treat Yo' Self this holiday season, singles!



Oh yeah 

Didnt think of that .

But to what ? Hmmmmm . 

A nice holiday in my dreams with no work


----------



## tripad

MRR said:


> She knows about the surgery but we have not met so i havent told her how serious it is. Honestly, at this time, I really want to step back from dating. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and not myself, and coupled with the fact that she seems a bit TOO eager, I already feel like she wants more than i am ready for and I havent even met her yet. I think it would definitely be better to cancel the date altogether and then just step back and focus on myself. Part of it is how I am feeling-- fatigue, stress, etc--- and the other part is that I am gathering she is really wanting more. I dont think a single day has gone by she has not texted me and seemed to want to do that ongoing.
> 
> I do not really want to make an excuse but not sure exactly how to put it to her.
> 
> We have never talked on the phone or met in person, just text/email. I may just text: I am really sorry but I am going to have to cancel for Thursday. I have been going through a lot personally and need to step back from dating for awhile. blah blah blah.


Hey .

Take care of yourself . 

Prayers n blessings flying over to you .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

tripad said:


> Lunch seems more business like and friendly , not date like serious date , which might end up with more after dinner .
> 
> At least she's frank n honest . I would appreciate that .


I did appreciate that she was honest, and I told her that. We're still talking everyday and she went to lunch with me today. It started and ended with a kiss, and there was flirting and touching. So she's obviously interested, but as you rightly said she's not ready for "more after dinner".


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> ok, so need some help with the nicest way to cancel a date with a woman i met on tinder.
> 
> i had lung surgery 2 months ago (cancer came back from 2014) and was feeling pretty good until about thanksgiving. should not have set up this date and she is seeming very eager, a lot of texting. i dont think i have the energy and do not want to lead her on, we are supposed to meet after work thursday.
> 
> Thoughts?


The question really is this: would you like to see her after you are feeling better? Or... is the "not feeling well" also a bit symptomatic of the fact that she's coming across too strong, too soon, and you'd just rather not?

If it's the first, then just text her and say that you haven't been feeling well lately, in part related to the surgery and in part related to the fact that you've been overextending yourself lately, and you'd like to take a rain check until you're feeling better, and you may not be able to text as frequently until you get some of this overextending stuff under control. And then cut back on the texting, and make plans with her when you're feeling more up to it.

If it's the second, say that you've enjoyed talking with her, but you're just not feeling the connection, or you're not really up to dating anyone right now. And then stop contact.

Honestly, you've never even met this woman, so you're putting way too much stock into it. Most guys would just stop texting her and block her. But you're not like that. But seriously, you're not dating her yet, or anything else. You're overthinking it. Figure out exactly what it is that you feel in this situation and just SAY IT. If her feelings get hurt and she gets in a snit, then she's investing way too much, and you need to walk away from her altogether.



TheGoodGuy said:


> I did appreciate that she was honest, and I told her that. We're still talking everyday and she went to lunch with me today. It started and ended with a kiss, and there was flirting and touching. So she's obviously interested, but as you rightly said she's not ready for "more after dinner".


Uh... it started with a kiss, and ended with a kiss, and there was flirting and touching? What the hell did she think was going to happen on a dinner date???

Sounds to me like she's more scared of what SHE'LL do if she goes out with you in the evening and ends up drinking. Because she certainly take you home and fvck you after a lunch break. I'm seeing self-control issues here, ones that equal either regret in the morning, or immediate attachment. Tread carefully. I don't think she trusts herself.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, for Treat Yo' Self Season, I bought myself a new Kate Spade bag and wallet; some new perfume (Kate Spade as well); and I went to Victoria's Secret yesterday and bought myself some pretty underthings, pyjamas, and some rather luxurious lotions, oils, shower gels, and such.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> The question really is this: would you like to see her after you are feeling better? Or... is the "not feeling well" also a bit symptomatic of the fact that she's coming across too strong, too soon, and you'd just rather not?
> 
> If it's the first, then just text her and say that you haven't been feeling well lately, in part related to the surgery and in part related to the fact that you've been overextending yourself lately, and you'd like to take a rain check until you're feeling better, and you may not be able to text as frequently until you get some of this overextending stuff under control. And then cut back on the texting, and make plans with her when you're feeling more up to it.
> 
> If it's the second, say that you've enjoyed talking with her, but you're just not feeling the connection, or you're not really up to dating anyone right now. And then stop contact.
> 
> Honestly, you've never even met this woman, so you're putting way too much stock into it. Most guys would just stop texting her and block her. But you're not like that. But seriously, you're not dating her yet, or anything else. You're overthinking it. Figure out exactly what it is that you feel in this situation and just SAY IT. If her feelings get hurt and she gets in a snit, then she's investing way too much, and you need to walk away from her altogether.
> 
> 
> 
> Uh... it started with a kiss, and ended with a kiss, and there was flirting and touching? What the hell did she think was going to happen on a dinner date???
> 
> Sounds to me like she's more scared of what SHE'LL do if she goes out with you in the evening and ends up drinking. Because she certainly take you home and fvck you after a lunch break. I'm seeing self-control issues here, ones that equal either regret in the morning, or immediate attachment. Tread carefully. I don't think she trusts herself.


I think if I were feeling better I would at least want to meet her, despite her texting pretty often. Something i HAVE been asking myself and have been pretty open meeting people even if I do not have great expectations. Im thinking it is the lack of energy and just not feeling great overall. I have let her know today that I havent been feeling well and apparently i mentioned it saturday as well when she had texted me. 

But thanks for the response. I am not very focused right now and both messages sound reasonable and effective. I am definitely trying to be nice about it in case I really am not into her but know straight-forward is the only really nice thing. I hate the idea of NOT responding to a message....


----------



## gouge_away

I've realized after reactivating a OLD account, and having 3 very successful days of back and fourth communication with women I found attractive and interesting, I have absolutely no desire to date, meet, or get to know anybody. I feel content, and a relationship of any kind right now seems like it would spoil my contentment.

Sex would be pretty nice, but it seems like too much hassle to set something like that up.

I'm settling back into my house, its a huge mess, I really wish I had taken my time packing when I left last June.

Anyhow, just thought I'd come here and share my new way of life.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Uh... it started with a kiss, and ended with a kiss, and there was flirting and touching? What the hell did she think was going to happen on a dinner date???
> 
> Sounds to me like she's more scared of what SHE'LL do if she goes out with you in the evening and ends up drinking. Because she certainly take you home and fvck you after a lunch break. I'm seeing self-control issues here, ones that equal either regret in the morning, or immediate attachment. Tread carefully. I don't think she trusts herself.


:grin2: are you feeling protective of me FIP? To clarify: these were the pecks on the lips hello and goodbye type, not the tongue down the throat variety. I reached across the table and grabbed one hand, she added the other and then we laughed a bit. All above board in my mind.

Eta: but yes, I will tread slowly and carefully
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> :grin2: are you feeling protective of me FIP? To clarify: these were the pecks on the lips hello and goodbye type, not the tongue down the throat variety. I reached across the table and grabbed one hand, she added the other and then we laughed a bit. All above board in my mind.
> 
> Eta: but yes, I will tread slowly and carefully
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK, your earlier post made it sound like a little more, lol.

And yes, I do feel a little protective. Welcome to the inner circle of FIP protectiveness


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> OK, your earlier post made it sound like a little more, lol.
> 
> And yes, I do feel a little protective. Welcome to the inner circle of FIP protectiveness


Aww now I'm blushing. :wink2:


----------



## ne9907

TheGoodGuy said:


> :grin2: are you feeling protective of me FIP? To clarify: these were the pecks on the lips hello and goodbye type, not the tongue down the throat variety. I reached across the table and grabbed one hand, she added the other and then we laughed a bit. All above board in my mind.
> 
> Eta: but yes, I will tread slowly and carefully
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm... Why did you reach out for her hand? Isn't this your first date? Do you already feel a sort of familiarity towards her? I would not let a man hold my hand. It would be awkward. 

Anyway! After reading about "gifting" something nice for ourselves. I've decided to book a trip to Egypt. 
I didn't want to go alone so I invited my 23 yo niece. She seemed excited to go yesterday. 
Today I called her and she said she could not go. Keep in mind that it would have been an all expenses paid 
Alarms went up in my head because she is in her first real relationship and has been acting aloof since she and her boyfriend moved in together.... 
I am thinking the boyfriend guilt tripped her into not accepting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

ne9907 said:


> Hmmm... Why did you reach out for her hand? Isn't this your first date? Do you already feel a sort of familiarity towards her? I would not let a man hold my hand. It would be awkward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was third weekday date, and I have known her a long time. She was just off limits for me as she worked at my same company in HR no less. 

We've been talking and getting to know each other better the last 3 weeks over the phone, txt, messaging. So yeah there's some familiarity building.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm loving everyone's presents to themselves!!! Awesome job guys


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lone Shadow said:


> I bought myself some new tires for the bike. And new eyes. If you've been following my thread, you'll already know that I got LASIK last Thursday.


I've been trying to work up the courage to get LASIK for years now. It just freaks me out. Let me know what you thought?


----------



## MRR

I got Lasik about 8 months after my divorce and a few months after my chemo/radiation (from first time I had cancer) and I wish I had done it 15 years ago.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> The question really is this: would you like to see her after you are feeling better? Or... is the "not feeling well" also a bit symptomatic of the fact that she's coming across too strong, too soon, and you'd just rather not?
> 
> If it's the first, then just text her and say that you haven't been feeling well lately, in part related to the surgery and in part related to the fact that you've been overextending yourself lately, and you'd like to take a rain check until you're feeling better, and you may not be able to text as frequently until you get some of this overextending stuff under control. And then cut back on the texting, and make plans with her when you're feeling more up to it.
> 
> If it's the second, say that you've enjoyed talking with her, but you're just not feeling the connection, or you're not really up to dating anyone right now. And then stop contact.
> 
> Honestly, you've never even met this woman, so you're putting way too much stock into it. Most guys would just stop texting her and block her. But you're not like that. But seriously, you're not dating her yet, or anything else. You're overthinking it. Figure out exactly what it is that you feel in this situation and just SAY IT. If her feelings get hurt and she gets in a snit, then she's investing way too much, and you need to walk away from her altogether.
> 
> 
> 
> Uh... it started with a kiss, and ended with a kiss, and there was flirting and touching? What the hell did she think was going to happen on a dinner date???
> 
> Sounds to me like she's more scared of what SHE'LL do if she goes out with you in the evening and ends up drinking. Because she certainly take you home and fvck you after a lunch break. I'm seeing self-control issues here, ones that equal either regret in the morning, or immediate attachment. Tread carefully. I don't think she trusts herself.


So...this morning I woke up not feeling great. I texted her that I would need to take a raincheck on tonight and that I was really sorry for the late notice. 

Now, definitely I am not feeling myself the last two weeks and this recovery has had a bit of a set back, however I COULD have made a short date and had a couple drinks with her if i were totally excited about it. But I wasnt. I feel relieved now, even a bit better as if my gut was telling me from a few days ago not to go and i was having some anxiety about it. 

Having said that, i do also feel badly. She responded saying thanks for letting me know now instead of at 5 pm and that it is HER loss. (My emphasis). 

I wish she didnt feel that way but i feel like better to not respond now.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I've been trying to work up the courage to get LASIK for years now. It just freaks me out. Let me know what you thought?


TL;DR: LASIK experience: I would do it again in a heartbeat. It's amazing to wake up in the morning and be able to see, without having to track down my glasses.

Hopeful, from everything that I've seen and read, even though the lasers are all computer guided etc, surgeon experience makes all the difference in the world.

I had my procedure done Thursday evening, last week. It was already dark out by the time my buddy and I left the office. With my sunglasses on, and my eyes closed, I could see the glow from tail lights. Break lights were painful. I can't imagine having it done during the day. 

They gave me a valium about half an hour or so before the procedure, and they load your eyes up with numbing drops. If you feel anything at all beyond a little pressure, say something. From when they had me lay down on the table, to when I sat back up at the end, it was maybe only 10-15 minutes. It really only takes a couple minutes per eye. 

The doc gave me a couple tylenol and another valium to take home, and a bottle of numbing drops to use for that first night. My buddy drove me over to my lady friend's place, and she had dinner ready for me when I got there. After dinner, I took the tylenol and the valium, washed them down with a beer and a smoke, and I was feeling good. Put my goggles on and went to sleep. The nurse told me that the first 6 or so hours after the procedure is the worst, and that they recommend everyone sleep through it if they can. 

I woke up Friday morning, went out onto the balcony, and was able to pick numbers off of license plates in the parking lot (from 7 floors up). My eyes were very sensitive to light all day. Even inside, with the shades drawn, I kept my sunglesses on. By Saturday afternoon I was better, but bright lights bothered me. Direct light is going to be an irritant for another week or so, while my corneas continue to heal.

My first post-op appointment was Saturday morning. I was 20/15 in my right eye, and 20/25 in my left. That will also change a bit over the next few weeks as my eyes heal. I have another checkup next Wednesday. It was Saturday morning that they told me I would be good to get on the bike by today, so long as I wore a full face helmet, to keep random whatevers from getting into my eyes, and so the wind wouldn't dry them out so much.

Typing this, I have the brightness turned down on my monitor as far as I can get it and still see the screen. My helmet has a tinted visor. You can't see my face with it down. When I left the house this morning, I was riding into the sun. The visor by itself wasn't dark enough, and I had to stop (before I left the driveway) to put my sunglasses on underneath it. I had to do the same this afternoon when I was riding home, coming into the sun.

LASIK is expensive. But it's a very much "get what you pay for" experience. I don't mind telling you guys that I paid $3400 up front, and that was after getting $2400 off. That price is for the procedure, and all of your follow on care for the first year. If the surgeon guessed wrong about how my corneas would heal, and didn't cut enough, an additional session might be required. That's included. Included in my price was $300 in "insurance." That covers any touchup procedures that might be required _after the first year. I was happy to pay that now, to avoid the potential of another 3+ thousand if my eyes need a touchup in say 10 years. All I have to do to maintain that is go in for an annual checkup. I can go to any optometrist I want, and just have to provide them with the proof that I went.

If you're thinking about it, find a place. Research the surgeons on staff. Then go in for a free consultation. Yes, there are risks, but there are risks to any procedure. The risk of permanent damage to your eyes from contacts is much higher though. Yes, there are a lot of unsatisfied people who have had it done. When you consider just how many people get LASIK every year in the US alone, even 1% is going to be a large number of people. 

I would do it again.

ETA: I was able to drive Friday morning, about 12 hours after having LASIK._


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Lone Shadow said:


> TL;DR: LASIK experience: I would do it again in a heartbeat. It's amazing to wake up in the morning and be able to see, without having to track down my glasses.
> 
> Hopeful, from everything that I've seen and read, even though the lasers are all computer guided etc, surgeon experience makes all the difference in the world.
> 
> I had my procedure done Thursday evening, last week. It was already dark out by the time my buddy and I left the office. With my sunglasses on, and my eyes closed, I could see the glow from tail lights. Break lights were painful. I can't imagine having it done during the day.
> 
> They gave me a valium about half an hour or so before the procedure, and they load your eyes up with numbing drops. If you feel anything at all beyond a little pressure, say something. From when they had me lay down on the table, to when I sat back up at the end, it was maybe only 10-15 minutes. It really only takes a couple minutes per eye.
> 
> The doc gave me a couple tylenol and another valium to take home, and a bottle of numbing drops to use for that first night. My buddy drove me over to my lady friend's place, and she had dinner ready for me when I got there. After dinner, I took the tylenol and the valium, washed them down with a beer and a smoke, and I was feeling good. Put my goggles on and went to sleep. The nurse told me that the first 6 or so hours after the procedure is the worst, and that they recommend everyone sleep through it if they can.
> 
> I woke up Friday morning, went out onto the balcony, and was able to pick numbers off of license plates in the parking lot (from 7 floors up). My eyes were very sensitive to light all day. Even inside, with the shades drawn, I kept my sunglesses on. By Saturday afternoon I was better, but bright lights bothered me. Direct light is going to be an irritant for another week or so, while my corneas continue to heal.
> 
> My first post-op appointment was Saturday morning. I was 20/15 in my right eye, and 20/25 in my left. That will also change a bit over the next few weeks as my eyes heal. I have another checkup next Wednesday. It was Saturday morning that they told me I would be good to get on the bike by today, so long as I wore a full face helmet, to keep random whatevers from getting into my eyes, and so the wind wouldn't dry them out so much.
> 
> Typing this, I have the brightness turned down on my monitor as far as I can get it and still see the screen. My helmet has a tinted visor. You can't see my face with it down. When I left the house this morning, I was riding into the sun. The visor by itself wasn't dark enough, and I had to stop (before I left the driveway) to put my sunglasses on underneath it. I had to do the same this afternoon when I was riding home, coming into the sun.
> 
> LASIK is expensive. But it's a very much "get what you pay for" experience. I don't mind telling you guys that I paid $3400 up front, and that was after getting $2400 off. That price is for the procedure, and all of your follow on care for the first year. If the surgeon guessed wrong about how my corneas would heal, and didn't cut enough, an additional session might be required. That's included. Included in my price was $300 in "insurance." That covers any touchup procedures that might be required _after the first year. I was happy to pay that now, to avoid the potential of another 3+ thousand if my eyes need a touchup in say 10 years. All I have to do to maintain that is go in for an annual checkup. I can go to any optometrist I want, and just have to provide them with the proof that I went.
> 
> If you're thinking about it, find a place. Research the surgeons on staff. Then go in for a free consultation. Yes, there are risks, but there are risks to any procedure. The risk of permanent damage to your eyes from contacts is much higher though. Yes, there are a lot of unsatisfied people who have had it done. When you consider just how many people get LASIK every year in the US alone, even 1% is going to be a large number of people.
> 
> I would do it again.
> 
> ETA: I was able to drive Friday morning, about 12 hours after having LASIK._


_

What was your prescription like? I've been meaning to go for a consultation but my eye dr. Doubts I'm a candidate because of my severe astigmatism and prescription strength that's right on the border.

Do you have any cataracts?

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk_


----------



## where_are_we

Just throwing my two cents in.

I got lasix in 2009. Just do it! FYI - I had a slight astigmatism and was near sighted. 

As for my Christmas gift. I bought new furniture for the family room and the loft (teen space). We are making the space ours. 

Next, I am planning to get some new "things" from Victoria's Secret as well. One day someone might be looking at "the girls" again and they must be presentable. tee hee


----------



## Lone Shadow

Near sighted, with an astigmatism in both eyes. I also have congenital cataracts. I would suggest having a consultation done. Better still, go to a couple different places. Get several consultations.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Lone Shadow said:


> Near sighted, with an astigmatism in both eyes. I also have congenital cataracts. I would suggest having a consultation done. Better still, go to a couple different places. Get several consultations.


Thanks, that's on my list of new years resolutions.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## EnjoliWoman

I had astigmatism and 300/20 and 350/20. Came out 15/20 in both eyes. I waited until my prescription was stable - It was my 32nd birthday present from my ex (I'd asked for it). I went to the top guy for a consultation and felt like I was being pushed through a cattle shute. I went to another guy for a consultation and just had a great comfort level with him even though he had only done about 1000 vs. 10,000. I was VERY happy. I drove myself to my follow up the next day with no problem - a little watery looking but otherwise clear. In two days all was very clear.

The day I went in for it, I was given a valium to take so when I got there bounced off the walls going down the hallway trying to walk straight! The weirdest thing was the device that held the lids open. It was uncomfortable but not terribly so. I had to look stragiht and hold very still. I had the blade flap vs. laser flap. Once the flap was cut everything went VERY blurry. WHen they started the laser I was warned that everything would go black which is a bit freaky because, hey, it's your eyes. But I told myself I wasn't blind, it was normal.  AFter the laser was shut off I could see very blurry light again and then the flap was positioned down and they did the other eye. Once he was satisfied that the flaps were in a good position, the things holding the eyelids were removed and I was told to blink gently and to tell him the time on the clock across the room and I could! It was crisp but weirdly watery/smeary - probably from the steroid cream he put in my eyes. Then he covered my eyes with gauze and put the big clear plastic bug eye things over my eyes to keep me from rubbing them and told me to go home and sleep off the valium which I did. 

When I woke up I was allowed to remove the guaze and keep with the drops and steroid optical ointment (for 2 weeks). I really felt like I wanted to rub my eyes and they felt like I had a hair or bit of sand or some foreign object in my eyes which took two days to feel better. But meanwhile my vision was clear except the hazy vision from the ointment. The next day when I drove in he checked the flaps to make sure they were sealing/healing in place well and they were. And given all of the precautions - don't rub eyes, keep covered at night for 2 weeks, etc. I was careful to follow instructions. I'm now 47. Over the past year my vision has degraded - still 20/20 in left and 20/25 in right but getting some astigmatism back and need reading glasses sometimes. All normal changes. I asked about doing it again.  

His suggestion was to NOT try to correct my vision YET. But if I ever have cataracts, he said he would recommend spending the money to get an implant and then my vision would forever be perfect. But it's expensive - $12000. I don't remember if that's per eye or total.


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## Hopeful Cynic

Thanks for all the info. I sure derailed the thread! But if I get rid of my glasses, how am I going to conceal the bags and wrinkles??

It would be the third part of my post-divorce body-mod trifecta. All the things I couldn't do during my marriage because of my ex!


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## TheGoodGuy

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Thanks for all the info. I sure derailed the thread! But if I get rid of my glasses, how am I going to conceal the bags and wrinkles??
> 
> It would be the third part of my post-divorce body-mod trifecta. All the things I couldn't do during my marriage because of my ex!


What were the other two mods? Inquiring minds want to know!


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> His suggestion was to NOT try to correct my vision YET. *But if I ever have cataracts, he said he would recommend spending the money to get an implant and then my vision would forever be perfect. But it's expensive - $12000. I don't remember if that's per eye or total.*


You would be surprised how much of this insurance might cover. My dad had the cataract surgery a couple years ago, and his doctor suggested that he do the implants too, since they were already going to be in there doing the cataract surgery.

I think the deal was that insurance was already covering the cataract surgery and whatever went along with that, so the doctor just did the implants at the same time so my parents wouldn't get charged for an extra surgery.

I figure that's what I will do someday, since I seem to have inherited every health-related issue from my dad's side of the family. I'm all but certain that someday I will have cataracts, and I probably have an arrhythmia as well.


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## RandomDude

Very soon... I will no longer be in my 20s 

I really want a quiet one, just me and my daughter. But yet she wants to have a party... so "yay"... *sigh*


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## Lone Shadow

Enjoy your 30's. So far, mine haven't been half bad. Despite everything that's gone on, there's been more than enough "good" to balance it out.


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## TheGoodGuy

Someone pour some cold water on me. Oh wow..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lone Shadow

TheGoodGuy said:


> Someone pour some cold water on me. Oh wow..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How are the 70's treating you, ol' man?


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## TheGoodGuy

Let's just say things are heating up with me and .... Hmm guess I need to pick a nickname for her. Yoga girl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheGoodGuy

Lone Shadow said:


> How are the 70's treating you, ol' man?


It was 70s yesterday. 50s today.. Blah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lone Shadow

And rain tomorrow. On that note, I've had the bike out every day since Thursday. Tomorrow? I don't mind riding in the rain, but if I don't have to, why bother?


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## gouge_away

I faint from a fking papercut, fvck if I am letting some guy burn my eyes, I'd me so far gone.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## Lone Shadow

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Thanks for all the info. I sure derailed the thread! But if I get rid of my glasses, how am I going to conceal the bags and wrinkles??
> 
> It would be the third part of my post-divorce body-mod trifecta. All the things I couldn't do during my marriage because of my ex!


I can't believe I missed this the first time. Yes, do tell.. What are the first two parts of your trifecta? This inquiring mind wants to know.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Let's just say things are heating up with me and .... Hmm guess I need to pick a nickname for her. Yoga girl
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Update, please!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, an update on the dating life of FiP... you guys will not fvcking believe this one. So, guess who texts me Friday night?

You guessed it... J-Dawg.

A transcript appears below.



> J-Dawg, 9:32:
> 
> 
> 
> Hey there. Just wondered how you were doing
> 
> 
> 
> J-Dawg, 9:47:
> 
> 
> 
> Hope you're out having fun belting out some kareoke
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> J-Dawg, 9:52:
> 
> 
> 
> Or you blocked me
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Me, 11:13:
> 
> 
> 
> So, what? She dumped you?
> 
> I want, and I deserve, to be more than someone's occasional fvck toy. You knew that, and you kept on with me. Which left me feeling used when you decided you didn't want my company anymore.
> 
> And now, here you are again, trying to get my attention, to see if you can get your d!ck wet.
> 
> Seriously?
> 
> No.
> 
> You already had two chances with me. You wasted both of them. You threw them away. You're not getting a third.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> J-Dawg, 11:16:
> 
> 
> 
> Actually I heard a song that I thought would be fun to do at kareoke and it made me think of you. Don't worry. You won't be hearing from. Me again
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Me, 11:29:
> 
> 
> 
> How could I possibly think anything else, when that's the only thing you ever wanted from me?
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...

He obviously didn't reply to my last text, which is just fine with me.

I dislike how he jumped to the conclusion that I blocked him--which I think was more about him trying to get me to respond to his texts. And I don't like his whole "this song made me think of you" story--it just reeks of bullsh!t. I was gracious before when he said he wanted to pursue something with this other woman, but I'm not going to be so gracious when you come back around to me like I'm plan B and you want to get into my pants again. No way.


----------



## tripad

Yup

Never be plan B

Or forever will be plan B


----------



## RandomDude

*cringes*

FIP... 



> So, what? She dumped you?
> 
> I want, and I deserve, to be more than someone's occasional fvck toy. You knew that, and you kept on with me. Which left me feeling used when you decided you didn't want my company anymore.
> 
> And now, here you are again, trying to get my attention, to see if you can get your d!ck wet.
> 
> Seriously?
> 
> No.
> 
> You already had two chances with me. You wasted both of them. You threw them away. You're not getting a third.


... no >.<

Why did you say such things and all in one text?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Update, please!!!


I had a rare kidless afternoon on Saturday as D9 was at a birthday party and sleepover. So YG texts me on Saturday evening and we're chatting for a bit. She invites me to a restaurant that she's headed to if I wasn't busy. I decided to go because I rarely have the ability to just spontaneously meet someone out like that. We had a great time. People watching, laughing, watching Periscope broadcasts from the other side of the world. 

After a couple of hours it was time to go. It was raining outside, hard. We both had umbrellas and went outside. I walked her to her car and was turning around trying to find mine. Like I got that panic feeling for a second that it had been stolen. Getting soaked, even with umbrellas. So she said just get in mine and we'll drive around to find yours. 

We found mine a minute later, it was just hidden behind another car so we parked and had a very nice moment in her car, in the rain. Damn this girl is a good kisser.. Nothing happened after that, we both went our separate ways.. but man my whole body was vibrating after that.. 

There you go FIP. Damn that reads like a romance movie script but I swear that's how it went down.


----------



## vi_bride04

FIP I'm getting similar b.s. it's maddening.... And EXTREMELY HARD not to respond to the fishing texts but that's all they are. These guys are selfish and always want to have an option available. They don't care how the woman feels even if there have been plenty of discussions about things.

Try not to respond at all and if you do only give 1 word, non emotional replies. It really helps with detaching. 

Those type don't respond when you start calling them on their ****. They are cowards who fish and bait and will never just come out and say how they feel cuz they are so scared of rejection and don't want to look like the bad guy.

That's my take on things. I may be slightly influenced by what I'm dealing with at the moment but my ex-FWB seems to act similar to jdawg.


----------



## FeministInPink

And in OTHER news... I have a date this coming Saturday night! I'm kinda surprised how this has worked out. After the whole J-Dawg text thing Friday night, I'm thinking, you know, I'm over this OLD thing for now. I'm not meeting decent guys, the messages I send never get responses, and all I'm getting is fishing messages, or the occasional well-thought-out message from someone who still didn't read my profile, because we are clearly not compatible. So. Saturday afternoon, I'm thinking, I'm going to disable my account. I'm just going to shut this down for a while and focus on me for a while, focus on work, doing to self-improvement whatever, because I'm not really paying attention to this anyway.

So I go onto OKC on my phone, and I'm going to disable, and I get one of those little notifications, "So-and-so just viewed you" and I don't think much of it, but I notice that our compatibility is 95%, so I figure I'll check him out. He has a good profile, funny and clever, but not so much that it looks like he's trying hard. He's a writer, and I'm a writer, which is cool, though I'm a bit unsure of that, because I've never dated another writer, which make sme nervous, but could be a good thing. And he's cute, in a goody, adorkable kind of way with the glasses. And he's the right age and the right height and he's an atheist. And I'm thinking, so he was checking me out, why did he not send me a message? And then I figure WTF? and I dash one off to him, about the Oxford comma and whether there should be one or two spaces after a period. We spar about grammar for a message or two, and he asks me for my phone number and if I'll have a drink with him. That night. I can't, because I have a Christmas party Saturday night, but we continue to text and engage in a little mild flirtexting (yes, I just made that up) through the course of the evening. On Sunday, he tells me his (apartment?) building is having a holiday party on Tuesday, and asks me if I would like to join him. Again, I can't because I'll be out of town on a work trip (it's apparently a difficult week for both of us), but we manage to settle on Saturday. (Thursday might have worked, but he may have something, and I always do karaoke on Thursdays, and he said that's more of a second date sort of thing, anyway.) So, I have a date on Saturday.


----------



## tripad

Fip

Fast work . Great . Enjoy . Good for you . 

I have no such luck but i am happy just me n kids n work


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> *cringes*
> 
> FIP...
> 
> 
> 
> ... no >.<
> 
> Why did you say such things and all in one text?


Because he treated me poorly and he fvcking deserved it, that's why.

I wanted more, he knew it. I thought he needed time (he made it clear he didn't have time for anything else), and so I was patient with him. Very patient. I didn't make demands on him or his time, and he took advantage of that. And then he decided that he wanted to see where it was going to go with this other chick.

He never gave me that opportunity. He didn't like me enough.

So, PLEASE, RD, tell me WHY I shouldn't have said what I said when he came back, fishing? Because I can't believe that he was honestly thinking about me, or cared about me, because he never bothered to learn a damn thing about me to care about. 

I'm not a b!tchy person by nature. But he used me and he hurt me. You think I should let that go?

*ETA: *And I would like to add that I have worked very hard to get to a point where I can prioritize MY needs and I can validate MY own emotions as being legitimate. There was a point in time for many, MANY years where I would let men treat me poorly because I didn't think that I deserved any better. Where I didn't ask for what I wanted or needed, because I knew I wouldn't get it or thought I didn't deserve it.

I'm not going to fold myself up again and put myself in a box because _poor little man, he'll treat me poorly but his fragile ego can't take it when I call him out on his bad behavior_.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> FIP I'm getting similar b.s. it's maddening.... And EXTREMELY HARD not to respond to the fishing texts but that's all they are. *These guys are selfish and always want to have an option available*. They don't care how the woman feels even if there have been plenty of discussions about things.[/B]
> 
> Try not to respond at all and if you do only give 1 word, non emotional replies. It really helps with detaching.
> *
> Those type don't respond when you start calling them on their ****. They are cowards who fish and bait and will never just come out and say how they feel cuz they are so scared of rejection and don't want to look like the bad guy.*
> 
> That's my take on things. I may be slightly influenced by what I'm dealing with at the moment but my ex-FWB seems to act similar to jdawg.


ALL OF THIS.
@RandomDude, THIS is why I responded the way that I did. You might say that he didn't deserve it, maybe you crossed his mind and he wanted to test the waters. Bullsh!t. If he was any half of a decent guy, we wouldn't even be having this conversation, because it wouldn't have come to this point.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I had a rare kidless afternoon on Saturday as D9 was at a birthday party and sleepover. So YG texts me on Saturday evening and we're chatting for a bit. She invites me to a restaurant that she's headed to if I wasn't busy. I decided to go because I rarely have the ability to just spontaneously meet someone out like that. We had a great time. People watching, laughing, watching Periscope broadcasts from the other side of the world.
> 
> After a couple of hours it was time to go. It was raining outside, hard. We both had umbrellas and went outside. I walked her to her car and was turning around trying to find mine. Like I got that panic feeling for a second that it had been stolen. Getting soaked, even with umbrellas. So she said just get in mine and we'll drive around to find yours.
> 
> We found mine a minute later, it was just hidden behind another car so we parked and had a very nice moment in her car, in the rain. Damn this girl is a good kisser.. Nothing happened after that, we both went our separate ways.. but man my whole body was vibrating after that..
> 
> There you go FIP. Damn that reads like a romance movie script but I swear that's how it went down.


Awwwwwwee!!! Sounds all warm and fuzzy


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Because he treated me poorly and he fvcking deserved it, that's why.
> 
> I wanted more, he knew it. I thought he needed time (he made it clear he didn't have time for anything else), and so I was patient with him. Very patient. I didn't make demands on him or his time, and he took advantage of that. And then he decided that he wanted to see where it was going to go with this other chick.
> 
> He never gave me that opportunity. He didn't like me enough.
> 
> So, PLEASE, RD, tell me WHY I shouldn't have said what I said when he came back, fishing? Because I can't believe that he was honestly thinking about me, or cared about me, because he never bothered to learn a damn thing about me to care about.
> 
> I'm not a b!tchy person by nature. But he used me and he hurt me. You think I should let that go?


damn straight!
I think you did brilliantly!! Great job!


----------



## ne9907

I havent left the non sexual guy yet, I will in my own time. 

I dont get frustrated with him anymore. I have accepted that we are in a non sexual intimate relationship. 
I am sharing because I feel like posting stupid **** he does and I have no reaction to his **** anymore. I actually wonder why I am willing to take what he is giving. I think it is because of his home and how much I enjoy myself when I am there. 

1. He went to the VA for a physical, I asked him if he discussed his low libido with the doctor. He said, no because they would want to change his diet and he will not change his diet at all! He loves eating!
2. I am not a tell person. I am actually a bit below 5 ft. Anyway, I have always heard short jokes... sooo annoying. Most times I am able to not care and move on. Anyway, he would make these "short jokes" I told him once that I hear those jokes all the time from other people and I did not want to hear them from them. He said ok.
Well over the weekend, he said one. He immediately apologized but I got very upset. I feel it wasnt the joke itself, but the fact that he is not willing to respect my wishes.

In conclusion, I am extremely depressed and willing to put up with this man because I like the feel of his house and the safety it entails. 

I do not understand why I am depressed. Everything seems to be going well. 

I am getting back on my anti anxiety medicine this week. Zoloft really fvcked me up last time when the dosage was increased, so hopefully this decreased in dosage will be acceptable for my body.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Because he treated me poorly and he fvcking deserved it, that's why.
> 
> I wanted more, he knew it. I thought he needed time (he made it clear he didn't have time for anything else), and so I was patient with him. Very patient. I didn't make demands on him or his time, and he took advantage of that. And then he decided that he wanted to see where it was going to go with this other chick.
> 
> He never gave me that opportunity. He didn't like me enough.
> 
> So, PLEASE, RD, tell me WHY I shouldn't have said what I said when he came back, fishing? Because I can't believe that he was honestly thinking about me, or cared about me, because he never bothered to learn a damn thing about me to care about.
> 
> I'm not a b!tchy person by nature. But he used me and he hurt me. You think I should let that go?
> 
> *ETA: *And I would like to add that I have worked very hard to get to a point where I can prioritize MY needs and I can validate MY own emotions as being legitimate. There was a point in time for many, MANY years where I would let men treat me poorly because I didn't think that I deserved any better. Where I didn't ask for what I wanted or needed, because I knew I wouldn't get it or thought I didn't deserve it.
> 
> I'm not going to fold myself up again and put myself in a box because _poor little man, he'll treat me poorly but his fragile ego can't take it when I call him out on his bad behavior_.


YOU GO GIRL!!! I have one man who does this routinely popping in and out of my life. I finally gave him the final boot Saturday. This is not a free for all. Either you want something more or you dont. Im glad you arent plan B.

For me, I think I was afraid to cut all other ties and just focus on my older man. He is a great guy with great character. We have great sex. He is always there for me. I am not sure the future with older man but all this with the other guy made it clear, older guy and I have alot going for us despite some drawbacks. I am just going to enjoy the ride awhile and see what happens. 

I feel so much better I addressed it with my FWB. I know you do too!! Not saying anything is essentially approving their back and forth.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> In conclusion, I am extremely depressed and willing to put up with this man because I like the feel of his house and the safety it entails.
> 
> I do not understand why I am depressed. Everything seems to be going well.
> 
> I am getting back on my anti anxiety medicine this week. Zoloft really fvcked me up last time when the dosage was increased, so hopefully this decreased in dosage will be acceptable for my body.


Seriously?? You cant see WHY you are depressed??  Everything is NOT going well...step back and look at your situation. You are with someone you don't want to be with because you like his HOUSE.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I havent left the non sexual guy yet, I will in my own time.
> 
> I dont get frustrated with him anymore. I have accepted that we are in a non sexual intimate relationship.
> I am sharing because I feel like posting stupid **** he does and I have no reaction to his **** anymore. I actually wonder why I am willing to take what he is giving. I think it is because of his home and how much I enjoy myself when I am there.
> 
> 1. He went to the VA for a physical, I asked him if he discussed his low libido with the doctor. He said, no because they would want to change his diet and he will not change his diet at all! He loves eating!
> 2. I am not a tell person. I am actually a bit below 5 ft. Anyway, I have always heard short jokes... sooo annoying. Most times I am able to not care and move on. Anyway, he would make these "short jokes" I told him once that I hear those jokes all the time from other people and I did not want to hear them from them. He said ok.
> Well over the weekend, he said one. He immediately apologized but I got very upset. I feel it wasnt the joke itself, but the fact that he is not willing to respect my wishes.
> 
> In conclusion, I am extremely depressed and willing to put up with this man because I like the feel of his house and the safety it entails.
> 
> I do not understand why I am depressed. Everything seems to be going well.
> 
> I am getting back on my anti anxiety medicine this week. Zoloft really fvcked me up last time when the dosage was increased, so hopefully this decreased in dosage will be acceptable for my body.


I said it last month, and I'm going to say it again here. You need to drop this loser, like yesterday. Stay on base for the next few weekends, or go to your mom's house. Why do you keep going to the effort to spend time with this guy and hang at his place?

*HE'S NOT A GOOD GUY, AND HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU'RE HAPPY.*

He won't ask the doc about his libido because he will have to change his diet? He makes jokes about your height after you explicitly asked him not to? This guy is selfish and immature. Why are you wasting your precious time on him? He doesn't deserve you.

Ne, you need to start loving yourself and respecting yourself, for REAL. You say that you do, but I think that's the bravado talking to hide your deeper insecurities. If you really loved and respected yourself, you wouldn't stay with someone who treats you so badly.


----------



## vi_bride04

NE, FIP is right. 

It's very hard to do. I am currently struggling with staying away from a similar person. The longer I stay away, the more confident and better I feel about myself.

The depression and everything you are experiencing is your body trying to tell you to stay away! 

Hope you can drop him like a bad habit. Just know relapse is probably going to happen, like with any addiction. Don't beat yourself up about it if it does, just keep saying no.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy said:


> What were the other two mods? Inquiring minds want to know!





Lone Shadow said:


> I can't believe I missed this the first time. Yes, do tell.. What are the first two parts of your trifecta? This inquiring mind wants to know.


 @Hopeful Cynic, that's two that have asked about the trifecta.. yep, we're calling you out. You can't just drop something like that and walk off. :grin2:


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I havent left the non sexual guy yet, I will in my own time.
> 
> I dont get frustrated with him anymore. I have accepted that we are in a non sexual intimate relationship.
> I am sharing because I feel like posting stupid **** he does and I have no reaction to his **** anymore. I actually wonder why I am willing to take what he is giving. I think it is because of his home and how much I enjoy myself when I am there.
> 
> 1. He went to the VA for a physical, I asked him if he discussed his low libido with the doctor. He said, no because they would want to change his diet and he will not change his diet at all! He loves eating!
> 2. I am not a tell person. I am actually a bit below 5 ft. Anyway, I have always heard short jokes... sooo annoying. Most times I am able to not care and move on. Anyway, he would make these "short jokes" I told him once that I hear those jokes all the time from other people and I did not want to hear them from them. He said ok.
> Well over the weekend, he said one. He immediately apologized but I got very upset. I feel it wasnt the joke itself, but the fact that he is not willing to respect my wishes.
> 
> In conclusion, I am extremely depressed and willing to put up with this man because I like the feel of his house and the safety it entails.
> 
> I do not understand why I am depressed. Everything seems to be going well.
> 
> I am getting back on my anti anxiety medicine this week. Zoloft really fvcked me up last time when the dosage was increased, so hopefully this decreased in dosage will be acceptable for my body.


Sweetie, how many of us have said we would rather be alone than with the wrong partner? You deserve so much better. I think the "safety" you feel is a cop-out. I know for a fact you are strong and stable enough to stand proudly on your own. 

Has he talked to doctors before that he knows so surely what they are going to tell him? I work in nutrition, and never in my schooling did I learn about diet changes being the instant cure for libido issues. You change your diet to be healthier, which will help your libido. He's selfish and does not deserve you. 

You are feeding something very unhealthy for both by you by sticking around. 

"Everything seems to be going well"... Um... It doesn't sound that way. You need to break free of him.


----------



## TooNice

I'm definitely on board with being tired of men who fish around when it's convenient for them. For the new ones I talk to, if they can't carry on a conversation online that doesn't turn sexual within 10 chat messages, I'm done. I've never met you... You do NOT get to ask about my "features". And the messages at 1am... "What are you up to?" Seriously? Ask me at 7pm. Offer to pick me up and take me out for a while. Your odds would be better if you spent a little time with me. 

I think I have mentioned this, but when my OLD subscriptions run out, I'm deleting profiles. Not just deactivating. I agree with FiP-I'm tired of sending cute messages that are ignored to men who have been on these sites for over a year, too. They think I'm not even worth a response, yet I am confident I could hold their gaze from across the room if they met me in person. 

I am resetting my life...going out less unless I'm with friends, drinking less, and just focusing on what I need to do in order to be the woman I want to be. As much as I'd love to find someone, this is far more important for me right now.


----------



## free2beme14

Sounds like some of you are having luck in the world of OLD, me not so much. Care to share your tips? So far I have attracted several scammers--one who said he was military and overseas, one who works for an orphanage overseas that needed money, several requests for hook-ups, finally one who seemed like an actual person who was near me and asked me to dinner then deactivated his account.


----------



## vi_bride04

free2beme14 said:


> Sounds like some of you are having luck in the world of OLD, me not so much. Care to share your tips? So far I have attracted several scammers--one who said he was military and overseas, one who works for an orphanage overseas that needed money, several requests for hook-ups, finally one who seemed like an actual person who was near me and asked me to dinner then deactivated his account.


This is about the luck I'm having. I'm done with OLD, I'm investing time into me, like getting in shape and into new hobbies (such as kayaking) to meet the type of people I click with. OLD has been nothing but socially awkward men who don't have jobs or don't know how to carry on a conversation. I especially like the type that say they aren't looking for hookups but then try to put the moves on the first date!


----------



## MRR

When I put up my OLD profile, I went into expecting to meet NO ONE, so I think that is the first secret. Lower your expectations.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> This is about the luck I'm having. I'm done with OLD, I'm investing time into me, like getting in shape and into new hobbies (such as kayaking) to meet the type of people I click with. OLD has been nothing but socially awkward men who don't have jobs or don't know how to carry on a conversation. I especially like the type that say they aren't looking for hookups but then try to put the moves on the first date!


This pretty much sums it up for me as well. I'm going out with Writer Hat (that's now his nickname for the thread) this Saturday, but I'm pretty sure I'm through with OLD. If something works out with him, great, but I'm not counting eggs until they hatch. Regardless of what happens with him, I'm disabling my accounts and spending the next 6 months or so focusing on ME. It's a much better use of my time.


----------



## free2beme14

vi_bride04 said:


> This is about the luck I'm having. I'm done with OLD, I'm investing time into me, like getting in shape and into new hobbies (such as kayaking) to meet the type of people I click with. OLD has been nothing but socially awkward men who don't have jobs or don't know how to carry on a conversation. I especially like the type that say they aren't looking for hookups but then try to put the moves on the first date!


One guy who sent me a few text to go drink with him, which I declined due to plans ended the conversation with "my house will be unlocked". Let's see---we have never met, I don't know you, and you think I'm going to come over to your house for sex? No thanks!


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> When I put up my OLD profile, I went into expecting to meet NO ONE, so I think that is the first secret. Lower your expectations.


Ha-at this point, MRR, I don't think my expectations could be lowered any more!


----------



## TooNice

free2beme14 said:


> One guy who sent me a few text to go drink with him, which I declined due to plans ended the conversation with "my house will be unlocked". Let's see---we have never met, I don't know you, and you think I'm going to come over to your house for sex? No thanks!


OMG-this. I get this all the time, too. Really? Are there women who respond to this???

ETA: One of these was on a full pay site, on a Sunday morning. He wasn't even out of bed yet and wanted me to come over to help him "wake up". Yeah. Ok. I'll be right over. Sad thing is that he was very cute, funny, and smart. Sigh.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I'm definitely on board with being tired of men who fish around when it's convenient for them. For the new ones I talk to, if they can't carry on a conversation online that doesn't turn sexual within 10 chat messages, I'm done. I've never met you... You do NOT get to ask about my "features". And the messages at 1am... "What are you up to?" *Seriously? Ask me at 7pm. Offer to pick me up and take me out for a while. Your odds would be better if you spent a little time with me. *
> 
> I think I have mentioned this, but when my OLD subscriptions run out, I'm deleting profiles. Not just deactivating. I agree with FiP-I'm tired of sending cute messages that are ignored to men who have been on these sites for over a year, too. They think I'm not even worth a response, yet I am confident I could hold their gaze from across the room if they met me in person.
> 
> I am resetting my life...going out less unless I'm with friends, drinking less, and just focusing on what I need to do in order to be the woman I want to be. As much as I'd love to find someone, this is far more important for me right now.


I'm going to use this as my actual response the next time anyone sends me a message like this at 1 am. Which won't be anytime soon, since J-Dawg is out of the picture, and I'm planning on shutting down my OLD accounts.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> OMG-this. I get this all the time, too. Really? Are there women who respond to this???
> 
> ETA: One of these was on a full pay site, on a Sunday morning. He wasn't even out of bed yet and wanted me to come over to help him "wake up". Yeah. Ok. I'll be right over. Sad thing is that he was very cute, funny, and smart. Sigh.


Obviously, some must respond, or they wouldn't keep doing it. Right? That would make me worry what kind of germs they are carrying around on their willies, if they are pretty much willing to sleep with anyone with a pulse.


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## free2beme14

Also bad is when you see people you know or know about on the OLD, worse yet is someone you know to be married. YUCK!!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

TheGoodGuy said:


> @Hopeful Cynic, that's two that have asked about the trifecta.. yep, we're calling you out. You can't just drop something like that and walk off. :grin2:


Never been so popular in my LIFE!

So is now when I tell you it was something really anticlimatic, like having a tooth capped and a mole removed?


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Never been so popular in my LIFE!
> 
> So is now when I tell you it was something really anticlimatic, like having a tooth capped and a mole removed?


I think you know what our inquiring guy minds want to hear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Because he treated me poorly and he fvcking deserved it, that's why.
> 
> I wanted more, he knew it. I thought he needed time (he made it clear he didn't have time for anything else), and so I was patient with him. Very patient. I didn't make demands on him or his time, and he took advantage of that. And then he decided that he wanted to see where it was going to go with this other chick.
> 
> He never gave me that opportunity. He didn't like me enough.
> 
> So, PLEASE, RD, tell me WHY I shouldn't have said what I said when he came back, fishing? Because I can't believe that he was honestly thinking about me, or cared about me, because he never bothered to learn a damn thing about me to care about.
> 
> I'm not a b!tchy person by nature. But he used me and he hurt me. You think I should let that go?
> 
> *ETA: *And I would like to add that I have worked very hard to get to a point where I can prioritize MY needs and I can validate MY own emotions as being legitimate. There was a point in time for many, MANY years where I would let men treat me poorly because I didn't think that I deserved any better. Where I didn't ask for what I wanted or needed, because I knew I wouldn't get it or thought I didn't deserve it.
> 
> I'm not going to fold myself up again and put myself in a box because _poor little man, he'll treat me poorly but his fragile ego can't take it when I call him out on his bad behavior_.


Let it go? No, I wouldn't let it slide, but blowing up like that, it's... cringe worthy IMO =/

It shows that it affected you strongly, when it shouldn't. Personally I wouldn't give him that satisfaction, but that's just me. I would have prefered to handle such matters coolly, calmly, and collectedly. Be assertive with your needs and emotions, but don't be submissive or aggressive either.

But hey, you know your situation best.


----------



## gouge_away

I was on OLD for 3 weeks and didn't get a single response.

I scrapped the description down to, "We would learn more by having a conversation."

Then I changed my profile picture.

I had 33 women message me within the first 24hours. Some of them I had messaged before with no responses

I feel like a **** because I cant possibly carry on 33 conversations. I feel like even more of a **** turning down chances to meet people because my schedule is full.

This probably seems like a boast, but I'm an introvert, player isn't my forte.

I am filtering out the girls from the women, starting with who still lives with there exes, and who is unhappily married.

Options are nice but I just want 1!!!

I don't envy you ladies one bit.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## Lone Shadow

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Never been so popular in my LIFE!
> 
> So is now when I tell you it was something really anticlimatic, like having a tooth capped and a mole removed?





TheGoodGuy said:


> I think you know what our inquiring guy minds want to hear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I claim complete and total innocence.


----------



## bkyln309

gouge_away said:


> I was on OLD for 3 weeks and didn't get a single response.
> 
> I scrapped the description down to, "We would learn more by having a conversation."
> 
> Then I changed my profile picture.
> 
> I had 33 women message me within the first 24hours. Some of them I had messaged before with no responses
> 
> I feel like a **** because I cant possibly carry on 33 conversations. I feel like even more of a **** turning down chances to meet people because my schedule is full.
> 
> This probably seems like a boast, but I'm an introvert, player isn't my forte.
> 
> I am filtering out the girls from the women, starting with who still lives with there exes, and who is unhappily married.
> 
> Options are nice but I just want 1!!!
> 
> I don't envy you ladies one bit.
> 
> Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


I think that is awesome. A good picture helps tremendously. I know for myself you need at least a few lines in your profile. I dont like the ASK ME profiles.


----------



## tripad

Yes

Fip

Give it all to the dizkhead who had the decency to try on you after being dumped the other end . 

I support your every word


----------



## unsure78

Just to give another perspective, I didn't have a bad experience with OLD in general. I actually just got engaged from someone I met on OLD. Another TAMer that I know IRL got married this summer to someone she met on OLD. Both of us are female, in our late 30s, divorced, and have a child.

Yes I would get some crazy first messages but if it was anything weird, sexual, or over focused only on my looks, I just didn't respond, simple. I had a general list of criteria that the guy needed to meet in order for me to respond, this saved time and weeded out a lot of the weirdos. Oh your 21 yrs old?-yea no response, oh you have no job? yea no response, oh you live like 100 miles away?- yea no response. I did make exceptions to my rules, but rarely because having those parameters set up, saved me from wasting my time on [email protected] When I did talk to someone I always kept the emails and texting pc and if it at all turned sexual before we met, I just ended the conversation and stopped talking to the guy. 

I went on a ton of first dates (as was somewhat chronicled in this thread lol) and like someone said earlier here, I just kept low expectations. I just tried to focus on each first date as just a chance to meet someone new and enjoy that experience. Not as every first date as a potential relationship, bf, or future husband. I even went on some first dates that I ended up becoming friends with. I tried to keep first dates more like, you meet to see if you have chemistry IRL, look for potential red flags, and enjoy meeting someone new. If they didn't make the cut ( for whatever reason) done-no second date. In the 3+ years dating post D, i had maybe 1 or 2 actually "bad" dates, most guy I met were nice, I enjoyed meeting them just not what I was looking for. 

Yes my heart got hurt (badly once) and minorly bruised a few times along the way. But I tried to learn from each experience and took a break from it when I need too. 

Just a counter perspective-


----------



## bkyln309

I dont mind doing OLD at all. Im an extrovert for one so I enjoy the possibility of meeting many types of people. Secondly, I dont take OLD too seriously. And thirdly, I dont put pressure on my first meets/dates. Its just a way to introduce yourself to someone new and see if there is anything in common. No harm, no foul. Subsequent dates are just nights out that I am not spending at home. I win either way.


Besides, where am I going to meet guys if not online? Sure there are men of plenty out there living life in the real world. But I can say none have approached me or talked to me unless I initiated it (Im not a bad looking woman). 

Would I like a long term serious relationship? Sure. But if it doesnt happen, I will hopefully meet some friends and companions.

Currently, the man I am dating I met on OLD. He is a great guy. I dont know if its a marriage type situation (I really doubt it). But I am enjoying him and our time. The man I really liked turned out to be a total player. It hurt but that is the way it goes. His loss.


----------



## Acoa

OLD worked well for me. I approached it with a plan. 

First off, use a paid site. They are not scammer free, but the odds are better than with free sites. 

Second, have multiple conversations going. Approach those like you are interviewing them, ask lots of questions, and dig deeper to explore their answers. The players and scammers will slip up and you'll get a vibe. Maybe not a smoking gun, but at the hint of BS, pull the plug. 

Third, make it real ASAP. If they are more than an hour away, goodbye. Long distance is only good for a chat partner you might hook up with, not a date. 

Fourth, Go on dates, even with a maybe (just be safe, meet in a public place and don't give out too much personal info).

Last, no sex on the first date (unless you want a one night stand, no judgement if you do, then go for it). 

You might wind up going on many dates that go nowhere. That's fine. Eventually one will click. The more you get out there the easier it gets. Don't worry about booking 2 or 3 dates in the same week. Chances are one will cancel and one will be a dud. 

Took me 5 months and 35 dates to find a steady girlfriend. And things are going amazing. Our first date was 7 months ago, and that was it. I just knew. Same goals, similar hobbies and very compatible energy levels. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lone Shadow

Acoa said:


> Third, make it real ASAP. If they are more than an hour away, goodbye. Long distance is only good for a chat partner you might hook up with, not a date.


I have to take issue with this one. I _live_ an hour away from anywhere. I commute an hour and a half (one way, without traffic) to work every day. I see absolutely no issue with dating someone who lives an hour+ away from me.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Acoa said:


> OLD worked well for me. I approached it with a plan.
> 
> First off, use a paid site. They are not scammer free, but the odds are better than with free sites.
> 
> Second, have multiple conversations going. Approach those like you are interviewing them, ask lots of questions, and dig deeper to explore their answers. The players and scammers will slip up and you'll get a vibe. Maybe not a smoking gun, but at the hint of BS, pull the plug.
> 
> Third, make it real ASAP. If they are more than an hour away, goodbye. Long distance is only good for a chat partner you might hook up with, not a date.
> 
> Fourth, Go on dates, even with a maybe (just be safe, meet in a public place and don't give out too much personal info).
> 
> Last, no sex on the first date (unless you want a one night stand, no judgement if you do, then go for it).
> 
> You might wind up going on many dates that go nowhere. That's fine. Eventually one will click. The more you get out there the easier it gets. Don't worry about booking 2 or 3 dates in the same week. Chances are one will cancel and one will be a dud.
> 
> Took me 5 months and 35 dates to find a steady girlfriend. And things are going amazing. Our first date was 7 months ago, and that was it. I just knew. Same goals, similar hobbies and very compatible energy levels.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I ask this of lots of people, just trying to get perspective when people talk about multi-dating: do you have kids? If so what is your custody situation like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

TheGoodGuy said:


> I ask this of lots of people, just trying to get perspective when people talk about multi-dating: do you have kids? If so what is your custody situation like?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I have 3, and I have custody. But they are older so child care isn't an issue. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## gouge_away

I have one 10yr old.
I won't introduce him to anybody. I tell him about people I meet, one talked to him on the phone after we dated 2 months (because my son wanted to tell her about something he was proud of) Also, whoever I introduce to my son will meet his mother a few times long before she meets my son. She will meet my family long before meeting my son's mother.

I'm vetting my dates from now on.


----------



## TooNice

Acoa said:


> OLD worked well for me. I approached it with a plan.
> 
> First off, use a paid site. They are not scammer free, but the odds are better than with free sites.
> 
> Second, have multiple conversations going. Approach those like you are interviewing them, ask lots of questions, and dig deeper to explore their answers. The players and scammers will slip up and you'll get a vibe. Maybe not a smoking gun, but at the hint of BS, pull the plug.
> 
> Third, make it real ASAP. If they are more than an hour away, goodbye. Long distance is only good for a chat partner you might hook up with, not a date.
> 
> Fourth, Go on dates, even with a maybe (just be safe, meet in a public place and don't give out too much personal info).
> 
> Last, no sex on the first date (unless you want a one night stand, no judgement if you do, then go for it).
> 
> You might wind up going on many dates that go nowhere. That's fine. Eventually one will click. The more you get out there the easier it gets. Don't worry about booking 2 or 3 dates in the same week. Chances are one will cancel and one will be a dud.
> 
> Took me 5 months and 35 dates to find a steady girlfriend. And things are going amazing. Our first date was 7 months ago, and that was it. I just knew. Same goals, similar hobbies and very compatible energy levels.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I appreciate the advice and perspective, it certainly helps to hear different experiences. I'm glad you've had good luck, but I can't help but be discouraged by your stats: 35 dates and 5 months? In 15 months I have not talked to 35 men I would be remotely interested in going on a date with! 

I invested in a paid site when my divorce finalized. Maybe it's different for men, but I have not found any value in it. Maybe less scammers, sure, but they are easy enough to spot and ignore. I have only had one actual date from that site, but several conversations with men who ultimately want to "hang out". The conversations I start are not reciprocated, and the conversations started with me are not with men I want to talk to.  I have stopped initiating messages, hence my decision to stop OLD. 

I know this all probably sounds a little pathetic, but I really am confident in who I am and what I have to offer. I've been told that I am funny and attractive. I'm passionate about my job, and happy in my life. I have no issue talking to men in person and meeting people at functions, etc. Sadly, that opportunity only lends itself so often for meeting new folks. 

I am not sorry for the experiences I have had with OLD, but I feel I have learned all I can from it right now, and don't feel like I will find a partner there now. Maybe I will set up a new account in the spring and start from scratch. New profile, new pics, etc. I just feel like I have saturated the market. :| Maybe I'll borrow your plan if/when I start over!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lone Shadow said:


> I have to take issue with this one. I _live_ an hour away from anywhere. I commute an hour and a half (one way, without traffic) to work every day. I see absolutely no issue with dating someone who lives an hour+ away from me.


As long as SHE has no issue dating someone who lives an hour+ away from HER.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> I think that is awesome. A good picture helps tremendously. I know for myself you need at least a few lines in your profile. I dont like the ASK ME profiles.


I agree. ASK ME says the guy doesn't want to bother to put in any effort to put together an engaging profile, which says to me that he's not serious and is going to put in the bare minimum of effort in me.

If can't bother to put together a profile, I'm not going to bother with him.

Then again, I'm also more interested in personality content than in physical appearance. I'm not saying it's not important, physical attraction is still important. But I've also found that I'm physically drawn to men who might not be considered conventionally attractive.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I appreciate the advice and perspective, it certainly helps to hear different experiences. I'm glad you've had good luck, but I can't help but be discouraged by your stats: 35 dates and 5 months? In 15 months I have not talked to 35 men I would be remotely interested in going on a date with!
> 
> I invested in a paid site when my divorce finalized. Maybe it's different for men, but I have not found any value in it. Maybe less scammers, sure, but they are easy enough to spot and ignore. I have only had one actual date from that site, but several conversations with men who ultimately want to "hang out". The conversations I start are not reciprocated, and the conversations started with me are not with men I want to talk to.  I have stopped initiating messages, hence my decision to stop OLD.
> 
> I know this all probably sounds a little pathetic, but I really am confident in who I am and what I have to offer. I've been told that I am funny and attractive. I'm passionate about my job, and happy in my life. I have no issue talking to men in person and meeting people at functions, etc. Sadly, that opportunity only lends itself so often for meeting new folks.
> 
> I am not sorry for the experiences I have had with OLD, but I feel I have learned all I can from it right now, and don't feel like I will find a partner there now. Maybe I will set up a new account in the spring and start from scratch. New profile, new pics, etc. I just feel like I have saturated the market. :| Maybe I'll borrow your plan if/when I start over!


I feel like this has been my experience, too. (Except the whole "passionate about my job" thing...) I'm ready to shut down my profiles for now, regardless. I just don't see much value in it. If it weren't for the fact that I've stumbled upon Writer Hat on ******* and we're chatting now and going out on Saturday, I would have already shut that account down.


----------



## RandomDude

Been thinking lately about surnames, and how my daughter will lose her family name upon marriage... I know it's tradition in sedentary cultures, but I'm having an issue with it now considering I only have one heir; my daughter =/

Meh...

/end random thought


----------



## bkyln309

The other thing with OLD is you have to know who you are and set boundaries. Early on, i would take the BS the men gave me on the site. After that I learned I want certain things and its ok to make sure they are part of the date.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking lately about surnames, and how my daughter will lose her family name upon marriage... I know it's tradition in sedentary cultures, but I'm having an issue with it now considering I only have one heir; my daughter =/
> 
> Meh...
> 
> /end random thought


She is still your heir!! And who knows she may decide not to change her name.

The other side of this is: You are still young and might have other children.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Acoa said:


> I have 3, and I have custody. But they are older so child care isn't an issue.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thanks, the child care not being an issue certainly frees up your time.


----------



## bkyln309

TheGoodGuy said:


> Thanks, the child care not being an issue certainly frees up your time.


When I was multi-dating, I got every other weekend off Thursday - Monday and Thursday nights because the X had them. I just planned dates on different days and let them know I was only available every other weekend and on Thursday nights before 8. It lead to a full social calendar and it was fun but I only ended up dating 2 people at the same time in the end.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

bkyln309 said:


> When I was multi-dating, I got every other weekend off Thursday - Monday and Thursday nights because the X had them. I just planned dates on different days and let them know I was only available every other weekend and on Thursday nights before 8. It lead to a full social calendar and it was fun but I only ended up dating 2 people at the same time in the end.


Child care is my biggest barrier to dating, or multidating anyway. My ex is several states away and does not do visitation with our daughter, so I have her 100% of the time. Yes, I can get a sitter from time to time or ask my family to watch her, but that's probably only going to be feasible once a week or so before my family gets sick of it or I run out of sitter money. :grin2: 

I do try to take advantage of lunch hours that I have free as well (usually 2-3 a week), so that is good, but yeah I just can't really fit in more than one at a time. Plus I can barely keep track of one female's details, much less multiple at the same time! :wink2:


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> I agree. ASK ME says the guy doesn't want to bother to put in any effort to put together an engaging profile, which says to me that he's not serious and is going to put in the bare minimum of effort in me.
> 
> If can't bother to put together a profile, I'm not going to bother with him.
> 
> Then again, I'm also more interested in personality content than in physical appearance. I'm not saying it's not important, physical attraction is still important. But I've also found that I'm physically drawn to men who might not be considered conventionally attractive.


I come off as very socially awkward online. The more personality content I put on the more awkward I seem.

I can be either very deep intellectually, or aloof, but nowhere in between.

For something like a personal add, I'd rather seem the later, as it comes off more cool than desperate for mental stimulation.


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> She is still your heir!! And who knows she may decide not to change her name.
> 
> The other side of this is: You are still young and might have other children.


Other children? Nah, not going to happen lol

I'm going to be "interviewing" her future boyfriends, and if they aren't ok with having my daughter keeping her name they can get lost!


----------



## FeministInPink

Uh oh, @RandomDude killed the Singles thread!!!

Hope everyone is having a great Singles time!

In other news, I quit smoking


----------



## RandomDude

I always end up doing it


----------



## vi_bride04

Great job FIP!! Cold turkey or not? 

It will be 6 weeks for me since I quit on Sunday. It's difficult but not impossible, you got it!


----------



## Threeblessings

Can I join, please? My divorce hearing is in 6 weeks. I have been alone for 2 years...doesn't seem that long but looking back...crikey that's scary. Moving forward I know the changes I am looking for and I have also changed for the better. I hope my future consists of meeting an amazing man .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Threeblessings said:


> Can I join, please? My divorce hearing is in 6 weeks. I have been alone for 2 years...doesn't seem that long but looking back...crikey that's scary. Moving forward I know the changes I am looking for and I have also changed for the better. I hope my future consists of meeting an amazing man .


We exist. Good luck 3B!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Threeblessings

TheGoodGuy said:


> We exist. Good luck 3B!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Time will tell . I daydream about meeting this amazing man a lot . I just hope he won't always be a figment of my imagination.


----------



## gouge_away

6weeks!
Mine is 6 weeks too!

EDIT: Wait a minute.....


----------



## Acoa

Threeblessings said:


> Time will tell . I daydream about meeting this amazing man a lot . I just hope he won't always be a figment of my imagination.



Finding someone amazing is a real blessing. But focus first on building a happy life that doesn't need one. You need to be happy yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Threeblessings

Acoa said:


> Finding someone amazing is a real blessing. But focus first on building a happy life that doesn't need one. You need to be happy yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thank you . With each passing day I try to find something to be happy about...my children, a grade a received for the degree I am studying, or simply just being thankful I am not where I used to be.


----------



## RandomDude

My daughter's the joy of my life, she's been nothing but a blessing since the day she was born. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for newly divorced parents who are unable to see their children.


----------



## RandomDude

Well... I met a very interesting lady at the cinema with my daughter + her friends + their parents + my ex (*sigh*)

But didn't get her number, not ready for that crap. Besides not going to get involved with single mums, too much potential drama.


----------



## gouge_away

Threeblessings said:


> Thank you . With each passing day I try to find something to be happy about...my children, a grade a received for the degree I am studying, or simply just being thankful I am not where I used to be.


 @Threeblessings every day you can create something to be happy about, and better yourself.

For the past few months I've made it my goal to go to sleep a better version of myself than when I woke up. Each day I do one thing that makes me a better version of myself, whether it is reading a book, meeting a new friend, walking to work, new gains at the gym, calling an old friend, or even forgiving someone who is no longer a friend.

I've noticed my life is pretty rich with blessings, other people have noticed I am improved, everybody has noticed my attitude is very content, and people want to be around me again. 6 months ago I was alone, everybody cared about me but nobody wanted to be around me. I'm about to end the most significant chapter of my life, my marriage, and I am in the best place of my life.


----------



## gouge_away

2 down 1 to go...
Tonight I met a woman for a drink, I could tell she had a lot on her mind and some glaring insecurities. When I would talk to her she would space out. So I used a little humor to bring her back, when she laughs she covers her teeth with her hand, but there is nothing wrong with her teeth she's a very beautiful smile. I think that was a sign that she is a bit insecure of something.
Other than that the convo was blah. I know she has a lot on her plate, her D will be final in less than a month.

Should I try again after our Ds are final, or move on to round #3 The 'clinger.'


----------



## Lone Shadow

So.. yeah. The woman I'm seeing took me to see Star Wars on opening night. Woohoo!


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> But didn't get her number, not ready for that crap. Besides not going to get involved with single mums, too much potential drama.


I'm sure the single mothers on the thread would love for you to explain your reasoning. Why does having a kid and the dad not being in the picture cause for drama? What makes you default to that line of thinking?


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lone Shadow said:


> So.. yeah. The woman I'm seeing took me to see Star Wars on opening night. Woohoo!


So envious! I'm faced with likely going to see it alone.


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> But didn't get her number, not ready for that crap. Besides not going to get involved with single mums, too much potential drama.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure the single mothers on the thread would love for you to explain your reasoning. Why does having a kid and the dad not being in the picture cause for drama? What makes you default to that line of thinking?
Click to expand...

Hey 

I am single mum too !

Drama ..... Yes ...... But may not be from us ........ In my case drama from the ex husband ........and single ladies n guys have their version of drama too


----------



## gouge_away

vi_bride04 said:


> I'm sure the single mothers on the thread would love for you to explain your reasoning. Why does having a kid and the dad not being in the picture cause for drama? What makes you default to that line of thinking?


strawman:

My default reasoning is this: The drama has caused the dad to be out of the picture.


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> Threeblessings said:
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> . With each passing day I try to find something to be happy about...my children, a grade a received for the degree I am studying, or simply just being thankful I am not where I used to be.
> 
> 
> 
> @Threeblessings every day you can create something to be happy about, and better yourself.
> 
> For the past few months I've made it my goal to go to sleep a better version of myself than when I woke up. Each day I do one thing that makes me a better version of myself, whether it is reading a book, meeting a new friend, walking to work, new gains at the gym, calling an old friend, or even forgiving someone who is no longer a friend.
> 
> I've noticed my life is pretty rich with blessings, other people have noticed I am improved, everybody has noticed my attitude is very content, and people want to be around me again. 6 months ago I was alone, everybody cared about me but nobody wanted to be around me. I'm about to end the most significant chapter of my life, my marriage, and I am in the best place of my life.
Click to expand...

I deleted the telephone of those who were not free for me during one of the worse time of my lives , the divorce . Those are not friends . 

Of course , now I am in a better place , better money , surely I attract people . but I learn people attracted to me during good times may be just good time friends


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> vi_bride04 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure the single mothers on the thread would love for you to explain your reasoning. Why does having a kid and the dad not being in the picture cause for drama? What makes you default to that line of thinking?
> 
> 
> 
> strawman:
> 
> My default reasoning is this: The drama has caused the dad to be out of the picture.[/QUOTE .
> 
> Bias thoughts
> 
> My ex h is the trouble
> 
> I the problem solver
Click to expand...


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Great job FIP!! Cold turkey or not?
> 
> It will be 6 weeks for me since I quit on Sunday. It's difficult but not impossible, you got it!


Sort of? I'm using Allen Carr's EasyWay. It's a method, so it's not technically cold turkey, but there are no substitutes or gum or whatever.

For me, the quitting has never been hard--it's the "staying sober" that is difficult for me. I was smoke-free for 4.5 yrs, until I started to see how awful my marriage had become... I sought comfort in cigarettes to deal with the constant barrage of rejection by my XH. After we split, I quit... and then started smoking again when things with my first post-D boyfriend got rocky.

I'm apparently an empath, and a friend theorizes that I use smoking as a shield to protect myself. So I need to learn some more effective and healthy mechanisms to deal with this stuff if I want to remain a non-smoker.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> strawman:
> 
> My default reasoning is this: The drama has caused the dad to be out of the picture.


People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Let's not argue about someone's heuristics or they might not be so honest to tell the truth here.
Personally, I find it good to know about other people's short cuts to weeding through the chaff.
It makes me have to own up to my own.

I knew I shouldn't have dated the nice guy I just broke up with. My friend convinced me his interest in punk music was benign, and I broke my motorcycle, golf and even slightly unhealthy bmi rule. Not to mention he doesn't own hiking boots. I'm re-instituting all the rule-outs.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> I am single mum too !
> 
> Drama ..... Yes ...... But may not be from us ........ In my case drama from the ex husband ........and single ladies n guys have their version of drama too


Yeah I think I came across a little too harshly, I didn't mean it that way. 

It's just that I can't see myself loving anyone else's kids for the long haul. So I reckon I'm a bad match for a single mum, hence potential drama.


----------



## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Not to mention he doesn't own hiking boots. I'm re-instituting all the rule-outs.


This is one of my rules... Must own hiking boots/shoes


----------



## tech-novelist

EnjoliWoman said:


> I had astigmatism and 300/20 and 350/20. Came out 15/20 in both eyes. I waited until my prescription was stable - It was my 32nd birthday present from my ex (I'd asked for it). I went to the top guy for a consultation and felt like I was being pushed through a cattle shute. I went to another guy for a consultation and just had a great comfort level with him even though he had only done about 1000 vs. 10,000. I was VERY happy. I drove myself to my follow up the next day with no problem - a little watery looking but otherwise clear. In two days all was very clear.
> 
> The day I went in for it, I was given a valium to take so when I got there bounced off the walls going down the hallway trying to walk straight! The weirdest thing was the device that held the lids open. It was uncomfortable but not terribly so. I had to look stragiht and hold very still. I had the blade flap vs. laser flap. Once the flap was cut everything went VERY blurry. WHen they started the laser I was warned that everything would go black which is a bit freaky because, hey, it's your eyes. But I told myself I wasn't blind, it was normal.  AFter the laser was shut off I could see very blurry light again and then the flap was positioned down and they did the other eye. Once he was satisfied that the flaps were in a good position, the things holding the eyelids were removed and I was told to blink gently and to tell him the time on the clock across the room and I could! It was crisp but weirdly watery/smeary - probably from the steroid cream he put in my eyes. Then he covered my eyes with gauze and put the big clear plastic bug eye things over my eyes to keep me from rubbing them and told me to go home and sleep off the valium which I did.
> 
> When I woke up I was allowed to remove the guaze and keep with the drops and steroid optical ointment (for 2 weeks). I really felt like I wanted to rub my eyes and they felt like I had a hair or bit of sand or some foreign object in my eyes which took two days to feel better. But meanwhile my vision was clear except the hazy vision from the ointment. The next day when I drove in he checked the flaps to make sure they were sealing/healing in place well and they were. And given all of the precautions - don't rub eyes, keep covered at night for 2 weeks, etc. I was careful to follow instructions. I'm now 47. Over the past year my vision has degraded - still 20/20 in left and 20/25 in right but getting some astigmatism back and need reading glasses sometimes. All normal changes. I asked about doing it again.
> 
> His suggestion was to NOT try to correct my vision YET. But if I ever have cataracts, he said he would recommend spending the money to get an implant and then my vision would forever be perfect. But it's expensive - $12000. I don't remember if that's per eye or total.


Wow, that is a lot for cataract lens replacement! I paid a couple of thousand dollars in total. Do you not have health insurance? If you do, it should pay for cataract surgery, including the lens replacement...


----------



## Threeblessings

gouge_away said:


> 6weeks!
> Mine is 6 weeks too!
> 
> EDIT: Wait a minute.....


What date is yours?


----------



## brokenguy

Last Saturday, after I bought Christmas gifts for my daughter, I went up to the cinema and watched Star Wars on impulse (no plans whatsoever). 

It's pretty different to actually watch a movie in a cinema alone. 
On the plus side : it's Star Wars, Harrison Ford is awesome yet again, and there's no "what's this, who is that," and other kind of chatter
On the minus side : I was watching alone, surrounded by couples. 
On the irony side : A local movie appropriately named "Single" is also playing in the theater.


----------



## bkyln309

Ok I have done alot of thinking and I realize alot of things. VENT coming: 

One thing is I hate some phrases that pretty much are thrown out in the divorce community like gospel. Work on Yourself, Find out who you are and become a better person. UGH. If someone tells me that psycho babble crap again, I am going to scream. 

I like the person I am. There is no need to become a better person because I am pretty darn awesome as I am. If I choose to learn to basket weave fine. But this deep introspection as if someone is wrong with me because I divorced my X who was mentally off is craziness. My X had a secret life that fooled everyone. Should everyone look inside themselves to see why they were fooled?It was me being a better person that lead the X to lead his double life because I kept forgiving him (just as counseling recommended I do). I was the better person who worked to save the marriage twice and finally realized it couldnt be saved after 16 years of work. So I did what good people do, I ended it. I dont hate him but I realize sometimes loving someone is not enough. I was sane enough to finally say it is not fixable. He has to fix himself outside of our relationship.


And secondly, this talk about learning to be alone and loving yourself first before you can move on to someone else is crap. I loved myself enough to end a bad relationship. I lived 16 years in a marriage and did almost everything alone. I got the alone time down. I am very active all by myself already. 

I am an extrovert and love people. I feel the best when being around people. I am not broken. I thrive with interaction plain and simple. I want to be in another relationship not because I cannot stand myself. Just the opposite. I have alot of offer a person in terms of relationship. I like the companionship. I like men. I want to be in love. That is not a defect. Its a strength. I am not bitter or broken. I am still open to being in love. Sure my X was a bad apple but there are tons of good apples in the bunch somewhere. And I am going to find one and be happy!

While some need the canned speech, I tell everyone....Save that for someone who is broken. I am not. I made the best decision of my life and my only regret is I didnt do it sooner. 

Vent over!! I needed to type that up somewhere. Sorry if I kill the thread. Ha ha!!! (Why cant people understand I am happy being divorced and that doesnt mean I need to find myself? I was never lost.)


----------



## SARAHMCD

bkyln309 said:


> Ok I have done alot of thinking and I realize alot of things. VENT coming:
> 
> One thing is I hate some phrases that pretty much are thrown out in the divorce community like gospel. Work on Yourself, Find out who you are and become a better person. UGH. If someone tells me that psycho babble crap again, I am going to scream.
> 
> I like the person I am. There is no need to become a better person because I am pretty darn awesome as I am. If I choose to learn to basket weave fine. But this deep introspection as if someone is wrong with me because I divorced my X who was mentally off is craziness. My X had a secret life that fooled everyone. Should everyone look inside themselves to see why they were fooled?It was me being a better person that lead the X to lead his double life because I kept forgiving him (just as counseling recommended I do). I was the better person who worked to save the marriage twice and finally realized it couldnt be saved after 16 years of work. So I did what good people do, I ended it. I dont hate him but I realize sometimes loving someone is not enough. I was sane enough to finally say it is not fixable. He has to fix himself outside of our relationship.
> 
> 
> And secondly, this talk about learning to be alone and loving yourself first before you can move on to someone else is crap. I loved myself enough to end a bad relationship. I lived 16 years in a marriage and did almost everything alone. I got the alone time down. I am very active all by myself already.
> 
> I am an extrovert and love people. I feel the best when being around people. I am not broken. I thrive with interaction plain and simple. I want to be in another relationship not because I cannot stand myself. Just the opposite. I have alot of offer a person in terms of relationship. I like the companionship. I like men. I want to be in love. That is not a defect. Its a strength. I am not bitter or broken. I am still open to being in love. Sure my X was a bad apple but there are tons of good apples in the bunch somewhere. And I am going to find one and be happy!
> 
> While some need the canned speech, I tell everyone....Save that for someone who is broken. I am not. I made the best decision of my life and my only regret is I didnt do it sooner.
> 
> Vent over!! I needed to type that up somewhere. Sorry if I kill the thread. Ha ha!!! (Why cant people understand I am happy being divorced and that doesnt mean I need to find myself? I was never lost.)



I LOVE this!!! 
I feel exactly the same way. I've heard all the same pieces of advice you have. And I also spent long enough "alone" within the last several years of my marriage. I also don't need to "find myself". I made mistakes in who I chose, but a lot of who he really was didn't unveil itself until years into the marriage. Another piece of self-introspection led me to realize I need to speak up louder and more often. My only regret is the same as yours; staying longer than I should have. 

There are a lot of TAM divorced members that have never lived alone, or were shocked when their SO left or cheated on them. For those people I get how lost they must feel. They should spend some time healing before jumping into or looking for a replacement relationship just to avoid being alone. Let go of the hurt and bitterness so they don't bring it forward with them. 

I was in a broken marriage, but I'm not broken either. And now that I'm out of it, I'm in a much, much better place.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Amen.
Or Awomen.


----------



## tripad

Homemaker

How's high school old buddy ?


----------



## tripad

Christmas will be kids n me n movie night . Got the movies all ready . Only time i am free before work madness starts after new year .


----------



## tripad

SARAHMCD said:


> bkyln309 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ok I have done alot of thinking and I realize alot of things. VENT coming:
> 
> One thing is I hate some phrases that pretty much are thrown out in the divorce community like gospel. Work on Yourself, Find out who you are and become a better person. UGH. If someone tells me that psycho babble crap again, I am going to scream.
> 
> I like the person I am. There is no need to become a better person because I am pretty darn awesome as I am. If I choose to learn to basket weave fine. But this deep introspection as if someone is wrong with me because I divorced my X who was mentally off is craziness. My X had a secret life that fooled everyone. Should everyone look inside themselves to see why they were fooled?It was me being a better person that lead the X to lead his double life because I kept forgiving him (just as counseling recommended I do). I was the better person who worked to save the marriage twice and finally realized it couldnt be saved after 16 years of work. So I did what good people do, I ended it. I dont hate him but I realize sometimes loving someone is not enough. I was sane enough to finally say it is not fixable. He has to fix himself outside of our relationship.
> 
> 
> And secondly, this talk about learning to be alone and loving yourself first before you can move on to someone else is crap. I loved myself enough to end a bad relationship. I lived 16 years in a marriage and did almost everything alone. I got the alone time down. I am very active all by myself already.
> 
> I am an extrovert and love people. I feel the best when being around people. I am not broken. I thrive with interaction plain and simple. I want to be in another relationship not because I cannot stand myself. Just the opposite. I have alot of offer a person in terms of relationship. I like the companionship. I like men. I want to be in love. That is not a defect. Its a strength. I am not bitter or broken. I am still open to being in love. Sure my X was a bad apple but there are tons of good apples in the bunch somewhere. And I am going to find one and be happy!
> 
> While some need the canned speech, I tell everyone....Save that for someone who is broken. I am not. I made the best decision of my life and my only regret is I didnt do it sooner.
> 
> Vent over!! I needed to type that up somewhere. Sorry if I kill the thread. Ha ha!!! (Why cant people understand I am happy being divorced and that doesnt mean I need to find myself? I was never lost.)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I LOVE this!!!
> I feel exactly the same way. I've heard all the same pieces of advice you have. And I also spent long enough "alone" within the last several years of my marriage. I also don't need to "find myself". I made mistakes in who I chose, but a lot of who he really was didn't unveil itself until years into the marriage. Another piece of self-introspection led me to realize I need to speak up louder and more often. My only regret is the same as yours; staying longer than I should have.
> 
> There are a lot of TAM divorced members that have never lived alone, or were shocked when their SO left or cheated on them. For those people I get how lost they must feel. They should spend some time healing before jumping into or looking for a replacement relationship just to avoid being alone. Let go of the hurt and bitterness so they don't bring it forward with them.
> 
> I was in a broken marriage, but I'm not broken either. And now that I'm out of it, I'm in a much, much better place.
Click to expand...

Agreed 

Never lost . Been always alone , husband became a mad stranger . 

However , the time alone was good for anger n saddness to dissipate away .


----------



## gouge_away

I don't assume anybody is broken, the reason we are even here is to normalize our situations. That alone is introspection, and one of its best models.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Let's not argue about someone's heuristics or they might not be so honest to tell the truth here.
> Personally, I find it good to know about other people's short cuts to weeding through the chaff.
> It makes me have to own up to my own.
> 
> I knew I shouldn't have dated the nice guy I just broke up with. My friend convinced me his interest in punk music was benign, and I broke my motorcycle, golf and even slightly unhealthy bmi rule. Not to mention he doesn't own hiking boots. I'm re-instituting all the rule-outs.


Okay, so... Motorcycle rule? As in "must own a bike" or "must not own a bike?" I don't golf, so if your rule for that is "must not," then I'm good. Slightly unhealthy bmi? On the high side or the low side? I don't think I'm unhealthy, but I'm definitely on the lean side. All that said, I *do* own hiking boots.:surprise:


----------



## free2beme14

Let's hear it for bad timing--I matched with a guy on OKC that showed we are a 90% matched based on our answers, which is neat. So I shoot him a message, and he responds then says "were you at xyz public event on Saturday?" I said "yes I was", so he says "I thought it was you I was going to come up and introduce myself but I was afraid it might freak you out and I was on my 2nd date with someone". He said the date went well and they are continuing to see each other and wished me luck. He actually seemed pretty normal compared to what I have encountered so far OLD.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Okay, so... Motorcycle rule? As in "must own a bike" or "must not own a bike?" I don't golf, so if your rule for that is "must not," then I'm good. Slightly unhealthy bmi? On the high side or the low side? I don't think I'm unhealthy, but I'm definitely on the lean side. All that said, I *do* own hiking boots.:surprise:


You live outside of my geographical range, so nothing else matters.
I'm a programmer, so it's more efficient to stop at the first logic rule-out. Unless you're planning to walk here in those boots, then I might be impressed enough to open the door and at least offer coffee.


----------



## RandomDude

free2beme14 said:


> Let's hear it for bad timing--I matched with a guy on OKC that showed we are a 90% matched based on our answers, which is neat. So I shoot him a message, and he responds then says "were you at xyz public event on Saturday?" I said "yes I was", so he says "I thought it was you I was going to come up and introduce myself but I was afraid it might freak you out and I was on my 2nd date with someone". He said the date went well and they are continuing to see each other and wished me luck. He actually seemed pretty normal compared to what I have encountered so far OLD.


Ha! Isn't it nice to find a bit of humanity in OLD?


----------



## Lone Shadow

A programmer? I don't think I want to walk that far. Though I might consider riding, and parking around the corner... :FIREdevil:

I'm always up for a good cup of coffee. Here's another potential logic rule-out: I'm a smoker. I know I should quit, but I'm just not ready to yet.


----------



## gouge_away

What are hiking boots?
I have nice boots for in the snow, running shoes, indoor soccer shoes, brown casual, and black dress shoes, oh and lots of flip-flops.

Maybe I need hiking shoes.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Def'ly need hiking boots. It's the only chance you'll have with HNU.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Just like old sayings become old sayings because there is a certain amount of truth in them, can't TAM sayings be the same?

I was talking to my OS friend about this - the being alone part often applies to people who jump right into one relationship after the next because they don't feel complete without someone else in their lives. It's actually an avoidance technique so they have something else to focus on besides everything that is going on in their own life - the things they need to focus on and resolve. Does that mean everyone who ends a relationship and happens into another relationship is in that bucket? No, but it also doesn't negate the usefulness of the advice for most.

Same with 'working on yourself'. Many people loose weight and get fit after a breakup. But it's for the wrong reasons. Stress causing weight loss or wanting to look hot to date again... the right reason is because that person cares about themselves and that self-love is demonstrated by some self-caring. Not just demonstrated by eating right and working out, but also by picking up a hobby they might have always wanted to try - in other words, making sure they come first sometimes. Often in trying to work on a failing relationship, a person focuses so much on being what their partner wants that they forget about themselves. These habits need to be broken and new, healthier ones need to take their place. Again - does that mean everyone falls in this bucket of needing to work on themselves? No, but as before, it doesn't negate the usefulness of the advice for many.

So I stand by the cliches!  (And get why they don't always apply as well.)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

gouge_away said:


> What are hiking boots?
> I have nice boots for in the snow, running shoes, indoor soccer shoes, brown casual, and black dress shoes, oh and lots of flip-flops.
> 
> Maybe I need hiking shoes.


Sturdy, water proof, good tread. Good for navigating difficult terrain including rocky creeks, steep hillsides, etc. I don't own a pair but might get a pair once the weather is pleasant enough for going. I've gone in athletic shoes and ended up with wet feet (not fun for hiking), slipping on steep, mossy slopes and they flex a bit too much for times when they need to really dig in.


----------



## bkyln309

EnjoliWoman said:


> Just like old sayings become old sayings because there is a certain amount of truth in them, can't TAM sayings be the same?
> 
> I was talking to my OS friend about this - the being alone part often applies to people who jump right into one relationship after the next because they don't feel complete without someone else in their lives. It's actually an avoidance technique so they have something else to focus on besides everything that is going on in their own life - the things they need to focus on and resolve. Does that mean everyone who ends a relationship and happens into another relationship is in that bucket? No, but it also doesn't negate the usefulness of the advice for most.
> 
> Same with 'working on yourself'. Many people loose weight and get fit after a breakup. But it's for the wrong reasons. Stress causing weight loss or wanting to look hot to date again... the right reason is because that person cares about themselves and that self-love is demonstrated by some self-caring. Not just demonstrated by eating right and working out, but also by picking up a hobby they might have always wanted to try - in other words, making sure they come first sometimes. Often in trying to work on a failing relationship, a person focuses so much on being what their partner wants that they forget about themselves. These habits need to be broken and new, healthier ones need to take their place. Again - does that mean everyone falls in this bucket of needing to work on themselves? No, but as before, it doesn't negate the usefulness of the advice for many.
> 
> So I stand by the cliches!  (And get why they don't always apply as well.)


I think thats the problem. Someone posts something and you hand out the cliche. That is my point. Wrong advice. You cannot paint every action with the same brush. Everyone is an individual and unless you really know someone intimately, its best not to say "Work on yourself. Be alone a year or all the other bad advice" 

Certainly you can give them your experience and the things you learned about yourself. But its really tiring to hear the same thing over and over again when the person may need to go through the "failure" to learn to do something differently. And is it then a failure at all if it taught them something. And what does it matter why they lose weight and get fit? They have and its great.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Great job FIP!! Cold turkey or not?
> 
> It will be 6 weeks for me since I quit on Sunday. It's difficult but not impossible, you got it!


Oh, and I meant to say @vi_bride04, good on you for being at 6 weeks! That's awesome 

I have to say, this being a non-smoker thing is going well. I feel fvcking fantastic. As in, it's only been a couple of days, but I already feel 100% better physically.

Next move: start eating better, and get back to the gym.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So proud of you two for not smoking, @FeministInPink and @vi_bride04!! That's huge! I'm sure your families are thrilled.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> I think thats the problem. Someone posts something and you hand out the cliche. That is my point. Wrong advice. You cannot paint every action with the same brush. Everyone is an individual and unless you really know someone intimately, its best not to say "Work on yourself. Be alone a year or all the other bad advice"
> 
> Certainly you can give them your experience and the things you learned about yourself. But its really tiring to hear the same thing over and over again when the person may need to go through the "failure" to learn to do something differently. And is it then a failure at all if it taught them something. And what does it matter why they lose weight and get fit? They have and its great.


You are right--sometimes the blanket, clichéd advice is handed out to people who don't need it. This is usually done be TAMers who haven't bothered to read the OP's posts/thread in detail, and haven't really gotten to understand the OP's state of mind, etc. (Or conversely, the OP hasn't given enough info for the TAMers to give specialized advice.)

BUT. ON THE OTHER HAND. There are some OPs who think they are OK, who don't think they need to work on themselves, etc... but they really do, and the TAMers--looking at it from an objective POV--can see that, and that's why they give the OP the cliché advice, because it really IS applicable. But the OP doesn't see it; the OP isn't self-aware enough to recognize that the others might know more than s/he does.

I think it goes both ways.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Blankets? I like blankets!

..I'm ready to put my head back in the sand now.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

bkyln309 said:


> I think thats the problem. Someone posts something and you hand out the cliche. That is my point. Wrong advice. You cannot paint every action with the same brush. Everyone is an individual and unless you really know someone intimately, its best not to say "Work on yourself. Be alone a year or all the other bad advice"
> 
> Certainly you can give them your experience and the things you learned about yourself. But its really tiring to hear the same thing over and over again when the person may need to go through the "failure" to learn to do something differently. And is it then a failure at all if it taught them something. And what does it matter why they lose weight and get fit? They have and its great.


It should not be handed out as a cliche. But most of the advice we give here is on limited information. We never know the whole story. The person going through a divorce is no different. If I glean from their post that they are rushing from one relationship right into a rebound, I will dish out the cliche advice because I honestly think it applies.

Just like I try to not project when I read a post that makes me wonder if the spouse has a PD. I really try to put myself in both people's shoes.

I think it DOES matter why people do things, even if they have a positive outcome. Lost weight due to stress of divorce? Yes, weighing less might be beneficial to someone who was overweight but stress isn't good for a body or a heart either. Therefore counseling and coping are just as important if the weight loss is a symptom of a problem. If it's just a happen chance byproduct, that's different - i.e. suddenly there is more for a single parent to do and they are busier with less time to eat mindlessly in front of a TV, for example. But finding out the WHY and addressing that, even with a perceived cliche, is still useful.


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> So proud of you two for not smoking, @FeministInPink and @vi_bride04!! That's huge! I'm sure your families are thrilled.


Thanks. I'm very excited about it 

Regarding the family, it is a verboten topic. They pretend I don't smoke, and I won't smoke when I'm around family. (With one or two major exceptions.) I'm sure there are family members who don't know that I smoke. So the fact that I have quit will not be brought up. I might tell my sister, because she's the only one who's never judged me for it, even though I know she doesn't like it.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

All of that being said, it does annoy me when someone posts their wife has been distant and sex has decreased and suddenly the bandwagon from CWI pops on complete with VAR recommendation, check the phone, put up cameras, GPS on car, NMMNG... so I get your annoyance when it's an automatic response vs. a thoughful one!


----------



## FeministInPink

EnjoliWoman said:


> All of that being said, it does annoy me when someone posts their wife has been distant and sex has decreased and suddenly the bandwagon from CWI pops on complete with VAR recommendation, check the phone, put up cameras, GPS on car, NMMNG... so I get your annoyance when it's an automatic response vs. a thoughful one!


AGREED! They always jump on the "She's having an affair!" bandwagon, when there could be so many more reasons for this that are NOT an affair. But the cacophony of "She's cheating!" makes it hard to get to the real root of the problem, or to hear any other voice of reason.

I can say, without a doubt, that if my XH came on TAM and told his "side" of our story, all the CWI peeps would have insisted I was cheating because of the following (with my actual, non-cheating reasons in italics):
--I had way too much time to myself because of our opposing work schedules (_this was actually HIS choice, not mine, and he later picked up additional evening shifts--despite my protests--which further decreased our facetime_)
--I started dressing nicer/more flattering (_I got a promotion and was told by HR that I HAD to upgrade my wardrobe, and because of my pay bump, I could finally afford nicer clothes, so this extended to my casual wear as well_)
--I started working out (_I was trying to get my husband to notice me and start fvcking me again_)
--I started wearing makeup more frequently (_I was trying to get my husband to notice me and start fvcking me again_)
--I stopped meeting him for coffee after my work/before his work (_He was constantly late, so I would sit there for an hour waiting for him, he would run in, grab a coffee, and leave; I was fed up with him not having any respect for my time, and disappointed that he made no effort after talking to him about it repeatedly. So I gave up and stopped going._)
--I would get phone calls and I would take them outside (_We lived in a one-bedroom apartment, and when my friends called, these were LONG phone calls. 1) I didn't want to bother him with my talking to someone else, and 2) I wanted to smoke while I was on the phone._)
--I regularly went on trips without him (_He NEVER wanted to go on trips with me, and he b!tched and moaned on every trip and made me miserable, so I stopped asking him to go with me. The only times he wanted to go was when I had conference trips for grad school, and be in class or working 12 hrs a day, during which he would either be a distraction, or make me miserable by b!tching that I wasn't spending time with him. So I wouldn't let him come with me during those trips._)
--I gave him the ILYBINILWY speech. (_Not because I was cheating, but because that was how I really felt. You can't stay in love with someone who treats you like sh!t._)​
The fact of the matter is this: If I wanted to cheat, I could have. VERY EASILY. He would have never known. I had every night free, and you know what they say about an idle mind and idle hands. I managed all the money and the bills for our cell phones. I could have spent money on dates and he would be none the wiser. I wouldn't have needed a burner phone because he didn't have the first idea how to access our phone records. Not to mention that I was completely starved for emotional and physical attention--I would have been ripe for the picking.

My point is this: just because someone could cheat, and they perhaps have good reason to, and because the "signs" indicate that she might be cheating, all of this doesn't mean that she's cheating. She could still be completely faithful.


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> She knows about the surgery but we have not met so i havent told her how serious it is. Honestly, at this time, I really want to step back from dating. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and not myself, and coupled with the fact that she seems a bit TOO eager, I already feel like she wants more than i am ready for and I havent even met her yet. I think it would definitely be better to cancel the date altogether and then just step back and focus on myself. Part of it is how I am feeling-- fatigue, stress, etc--- and the other part is that I am gathering she is really wanting more. I dont think a single day has gone by she has not texted me and seemed to want to do that ongoing.
> 
> I do not really want to make an excuse but not sure exactly how to put it to her.
> 
> We have never talked on the phone or met in person, just text/email. I may just text: I am really sorry but I am going to have to cancel for Thursday. I have been going through a lot personally and need to step back from dating for awhile. blah blah blah.


Ok. So, thank you for your responses previously to this post. After I guess venting on here, and also discussing it with my therapist I had a prevoiusly scheduled appt for, I think I got the anxiety or whatever out of my system. The texting between us slowed down a lot and I felt more comfortable so rescheduled. 

We met last night at Starbucks for about an hour and she is very sweet, smart and kind. And pretty, yes. We are both single parents with younger kids. We both grew up in this area and based on past experiences since moving 'home' about 3 1/2 years ago, we likely know at least 50 of the same people from high school and college. 

Mostly we talked about our kids and random things happening in our lives. 

The texts before we met were a huge red flag, based on all that I had learned since my divorce. It felt a bit off to me regardless of what is 'supposed' to be as well. In person she doesnt seem that way at all. However, I did send her a text later last night saying that it was great talking with her and hope we have more time next time.

She responded saying something like, "It was great meeting you. It was all I imagined it would be"

So...that there is supposed to be another red flag, however it did not bother me nearly as much since we have actually met. 

Thoughts on this? Wanting the Knight in Shining Armor? She has her stuff together, very good job, life is very in order. Maybe just REALLY wants another person in her life. I dont think she is an unhappy person (as a matter of fact this is something I have noticed that i really do not want in my life). Another thing I might add, is that i get the feeling based on a couple of things she has texted that she has talked to some of her friends who knew me years ago about me and got positive feedback. Just a hunch.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Ok. So, thank you for your responses previously to this post. After I guess venting on here, and also discussing it with my therapist I had a prevoiusly scheduled appt for, I think I got the anxiety or whatever out of my system. The texting between us slowed down a lot and I felt more comfortable so rescheduled.
> 
> We met last night at Starbucks for about an hour and she is very sweet, smart and kind. And pretty, yes. We are both single parents with younger kids. We both grew up in this area and based on past experiences since moving 'home' about 3 1/2 years ago, we likely know at least 50 of the same people from high school and college.
> 
> Mostly we talked about our kids and random things happening in our lives.
> 
> The texts before we met were a huge red flag, based on all that I had learned since my divorce. It felt a bit off to me regardless of what is 'supposed' to be as well. In person she doesnt seem that way at all. However, I did send her a text later last night saying that it was great talking with her and hope we have more time next time.
> 
> She responded saying something like, "It was great meeting you. It was all I imagined it would be"
> 
> So...that there is supposed to be another red flag, however it did not bother me nearly as much since we have actually met.
> 
> Thoughts on this? Wanting the Knight in Shining Armor? She has her stuff together, very good job, life is very in order. Maybe just REALLY wants another person in her life. I dont think she is an unhappy person (as a matter of fact this is something I have noticed that i really do not want in my life). Another thing I might add, is that i get the feeling based on a couple of things she has texted that she has talked to some of her friends who knew me years ago about me and got positive feedback. Just a hunch.


I think she was just responding in kind, but using slightly more romantic language. I wouldn't worry about it.

And OF COURSE she pumped her friends for info about you, if they know you (or used to know you). That;s not a bad thing. She's just doing background/reference checks. Every girl does it, either with Google, or talking to mutual friends. Again, I wouldn't worry about it.

You guys had fun, she seems cool in person. The IN PERSON stuff is more important than analyzing every text. Some people are awkward and weird over text, and it's easy to scrutinize, because you can go back over and read them again and again; if the same stuff happens in person, it would just get chalked up to someone having the jitters.

You may be making up red flags when there aren't any. They're called RED FLAGS for a reason--they're big and glaring, and you should be able to see them from a mile away. If you have to ask if something is a red flag, then it's not. It's a yellow flag, and you keep an eye out to see if that is indicating that a red flag is coming up.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> A programmer? I don't think I want to walk that far. Though I might consider riding, and parking around the corner... :FIREdevil:
> 
> I'm always up for a good cup of coffee. Here's another potential logic rule-out: I'm a smoker. I know I should quit, but I'm just not ready to yet.


Holy smokes. 
Yah, cannot do smoke. Big issue for me, highly sensitive.
It's not just active smoking, even passing through a room where someone's been smoking the day before, I'll notice. It affects me that badly physically. 

Not to say I'm not empathetic with how addictive that stuff is. 
I used to run a cease-smoking program in the military, in my youth (age 18/19/20). Seeing how difficult it was to quit and how desperate people were to quit and how much those things cost and how much it costs to get help to break free of smoking habit/addiction...put me off even more. 

I do something vastly different than just programming but it's easier to say I'm a programmer because I do write programs and that's the only visible part of what I do. 

It would be difficult where I live to park around the corner and walk. Sooner or later you would be caught out by someone who saw what you did and the whole scheme would come crashing down on you.

I'm going to be a loser in the dating game because I have high standards that I hold my own self accountable to, and also because I have not one iota of delusional aptitude left in my neurological underpinnings.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> I think she was just responding in kind, but using slightly more romantic language. I wouldn't worry about it.
> 
> And OF COURSE she pumped her friends for info about you, if they know you (or used to know you). That;s not a bad thing. She's just doing background/reference checks. Every girl does it, either with Google, or talking to mutual friends. Again, I wouldn't worry about it.
> 
> You guys had fun, she seems cool in person. The IN PERSON stuff is more important than analyzing every text. Some people are awkward and weird over text, and it's easy to scrutinize, because you can go back over and read them again and again; if the same stuff happens in person, it would just get chalked up to someone having the jitters.
> 
> You may be making up red flags when there aren't any. They're called RED FLAGS for a reason--they're big and glaring, and you should be able to see them from a mile away. If you have to ask if something is a red flag, then it's not. It's a yellow flag, and you keep an eye out to see if that is indicating that a red flag is coming up.


I do agree with you however just questioning myself a bit based on poor choice in my marriage partner. I do not feel incapable and am not overly bothered by it, just being more aware of things that in the past I would not have even thought about. 

And you are right, the 'in person' is much more important. Made me feel a lot more comfortable with the style and frequency of texting. 

I have also talked to a friend who lives on a coast and she said that this girl maybe the 'midwest nice' type, as out where she is she is constantly accused of being too nice when she is just being herself. 

Thanks FIP.


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> AGREED! They always jump on the "She's having an affair!" bandwagon, when there could be so many more reasons for this that are NOT an affair. But the cacophony of "She's cheating!" makes it hard to get to the real root of the problem, or to hear any other voice of reason.
> 
> I can say, without a doubt, that if my XH came on TAM and told his "side" of our story, all the CWI peeps would have insisted I was cheating because of the following (with my actual, non-cheating reasons in italics):
> --I had way too much time to myself because of our opposing work schedules (_this was actually HIS choice, not mine, and he later picked up additional evening shifts--despite my protests--which further decreased our facetime_)
> --I started dressing nicer/more flattering (_I got a promotion and was told by HR that I HAD to upgrade my wardrobe, and because of my pay bump, I could finally afford nicer clothes, so this extended to my casual wear as well_)
> --I started working out (_I was trying to get my husband to notice me and start fvcking me again_)
> --I started wearing makeup more frequently (_I was trying to get my husband to notice me and start fvcking me again_)
> --I stopped meeting him for coffee after my work/before his work (_He was constantly late, so I would sit there for an hour waiting for him, he would run in, grab a coffee, and leave; I was fed up with him not having any respect for my time, and disappointed that he made no effort after talking to him about it repeatedly. So I gave up and stopped going._)
> --I would get phone calls and I would take them outside (_We lived in a one-bedroom apartment, and when my friends called, these were LONG phone calls. 1) I didn't want to bother him with my talking to someone else, and 2) I wanted to smoke while I was on the phone._)
> --I regularly went on trips without him (_He NEVER wanted to go on trips with me, and he b!tched and moaned on every trip and made me miserable, so I stopped asking him to go with me. The only times he wanted to go was when I had conference trips for grad school, and be in class or working 12 hrs a day, during which he would either be a distraction, or make me miserable by b!tching that I wasn't spending time with him. So I wouldn't let him come with me during those trips._)
> --I gave him the ILYBINILWY speech. (_Not because I was cheating, but because that was how I really felt. You can't stay in love with someone who treats you like sh!t._)​
> The fact of the matter is this: If I wanted to cheat, I could have. VERY EASILY. He would have never known. I had every night free, and you know what they say about an idle mind and idle hands. I managed all the money and the bills for our cell phones. I could have spent money on dates and he would be none the wiser. I wouldn't have needed a burner phone because he didn't have the first idea how to access our phone records. Not to mention that I was completely starved for emotional and physical attention--I would have been ripe for the picking.
> 
> My point is this: just because someone could cheat, and they perhaps have good reason to, and because the "signs" indicate that she might be cheating, all of this doesn't mean that she's cheating. She could still be completely faithful.


FIP, 
I truly think we have lived parallel lives! Your experiences with your Ex sounds EXACTLY like mine. 

And yes, I'm so sick of hearing "she's cheating" as soon as a woman tries to tell a her SO she's unhappy in her marriage - or for that matter, changes anything about herself or her routine. Get out the VAR!!! Finger pointing immediately instead of taking stock of their relationship and possibly, I don't know, LISTENING to her.


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> You are right--sometimes the blanket, clichéd advice is handed out to people who don't need it. This is usually done be TAMers who haven't bothered to read the OP's posts/thread in detail, and haven't really gotten to understand the OP's state of mind, etc. (Or conversely, the OP hasn't given enough info for the TAMers to give specialized advice.)
> 
> BUT. ON THE OTHER HAND. There are some OPs who think they are OK, who don't think they need to work on themselves, etc... but they really do, and the TAMers--looking at it from an objective POV--can see that, and that's why they give the OP the cliché advice, because it really IS applicable. But the OP doesn't see it; the OP isn't self-aware enough to recognize that the others might know more than s/he does.
> 
> I think it goes both ways.


Well, you all have given me a lot to think about. I didn't intend to sound cliche; my intention was to support putting out positive vibes while you wait for the "right guy, or girl," to cross paths.

If a simple suggestion, "focus on one positive thing you accomplished today," provokes an acrimonious-"I'm happy with who I am," why so bitter?
Is it the cliche, intellectualization, or have I misconstrued the feedback?


----------



## free2beme14

Maybe we need to start a thread of red flags in the OLD world:

* Having a phone number that is not in the local area, but they say they are in the local area
* Saying they are on a mission out of the country---peacekeeping, orphanage, etc
* Anyone who asks for money
* Their message are in broken English or sentence structure is not typical for the country
* If you cannot find anything about them on-line, (even my Dad is almost 75 and doesn't use a computer but he is still listed in the white pages)
* You ask for additional pictures besides what is on their OLD profile and they send you the same one's
* Pay attention to the file names of pictures, people tend to rename their pictures or they will be numbered by the camera. If they are taken from another site they will have strange names and numbers 


Yes, it is hard to earn my trust and I question lots of things, but I also know there are lots of scammers out there.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> FIP,
> I truly think we have lived parallel lives! Your experiences with your Ex sounds EXACTLY like mine.
> 
> And yes, I'm so sick of hearing "she's cheating" as soon as a woman tries to tell a her SO she's unhappy in her marriage - or for that matter, changes anything about herself or her routine. Get out the VAR!!! Finger pointing immediately instead of taking stock of their relationship and possibly, I don't know, LISTENING to her.


I would say that this has a lot to do with it:
Men Just Don?t Trust Women. And This Is A Problem » VSB

(Read the article, not just the headline. The content is important, and different than one might assume from reading just the title.)

One one level, the men don't trust any woman to be faithful. But that's not the real problem.

The real problem is that men don't take women seriously or believe us when we say "there's a problem here." We bring up a legitimate problem, and we are told we are being too sensitive, that we're emotional (because it's that time of the month!), that we misunderstand, that we are irrational, or that we're just plain crazy. Which infuriates women, and the men say, "Well, look, doesn't this prove my point? Because look how unreasonable you are being over my completely logical point!"

I can't tell you how many times I went to my XH and said, we have problems. Our marriage is in trouble. And yes, OF COURSE I got emotional; the man I loved was neglecting me, abusing me, and it was breaking my heart and it was breaking my spirit. I can't tell you how many times I went to him, because I lost count. But what I can tell you is this: he was dismissive. He chalked it up to me being over sensitive and emotional. He hugged me and assured me that things would get better, to get me to stop crying and to stop talking about it. He never believed me, he never trusted that my emotions were right on target, he never actually listened to what I was saying to him, because he never trusted my perception of things.

And now we are divorced. And I know I wasn't crazy or over sensitive or too emotional. If anything, I was too rational, not emotional enough, too understanding--because I should have left years before I did.


----------



## FeministInPink

free2beme14 said:


> Maybe we need to start a thread of red flags in the OLD world:
> 
> * Having a phone number that is not in the local area, but they say they are in the local area
> * Saying they are on a mission out of the country---peacekeeping, orphanage, etc
> * Anyone who asks for money
> * Their message are in broken English or sentence structure is not typical for the country
> * If you cannot find anything about them on-line, (even my Dad is almost 75 and doesn't use a computer but he is still listed in the white pages)
> * You ask for additional pictures besides what is on their OLD profile and they send you the same one's
> * Pay attention to the file names of pictures, people tend to rename their pictures or they will be numbered by the camera. If they are taken from another site they will have strange names and numbers
> 
> 
> Yes, it is hard to earn my trust and I question lots of things, but I also know there are lots of scammers out there.


Meh, maybe not the phone number thing. For a while, I had a 717 (PA) number while I was living in Baltimore, and then DC, because my sis and I decided to get 2 plans on one phone to save money; she made the arrangements and got the phones, and she lives in PA, so I had a PA number for a while. Now, I have a 202 number because I was in DC, but I've moved to VA and kept the 202 number, and I'm not going to switch numbers ever, unless I have to.

I meet a LOT of people who have non-DC/VA numbers, because with cell phones charging the same for local and long-distance, it doesn't make sense to change the number when you move.


----------



## MRR

free2beme14 said:


> Maybe we need to start a thread of red flags in the OLD world:
> 
> * Having a phone number that is not in the local area, but they say they are in the local area
> * Saying they are on a mission out of the country---peacekeeping, orphanage, etc
> * Anyone who asks for money
> * Their message are in broken English or sentence structure is not typical for the country
> * If you cannot find anything about them on-line, (even my Dad is almost 75 and doesn't use a computer but he is still listed in the white pages)
> * You ask for additional pictures besides what is on their OLD profile and they send you the same one's
> * Pay attention to the file names of pictures, people tend to rename their pictures or they will be numbered by the camera. If they are taken from another site they will have strange names and numbers
> 
> 
> Yes, it is hard to earn my trust and I question lots of things, but I also know there are lots of scammers out there.



My phone number is from a city nearly 750 miles away. When I am asked for my phone number here, where I live now, I am rarely even questioned even though it is quite obviously not local. 

Also there are so many people with my name you would not find anything about me online either. 

I think a red flag list regarding any real, potential dates (rather than the scammers/trolls that are obviously not going to be dating) would be interesting, though 'she/he cancels your date' could be taken any number of ways.


----------



## gouge_away

Maybe creepy, but I have yet to not figure out the name of anybody I was interested in.

• Take their online profile name and Google it in quotes.

• by clicking a picture in chrome you can Google search images. Some of the images are used on social media accounts.

• search phone numbers in quotes and their first name outside of quotes.

• Once you acquire a name, I recommend paying the $14 per background check if you notice something questionable. It's better than getting burned in family court down the road.

• Wisconsin has an open records database, I've found people advertised as single who were actually still married, these were people I may have gone on a date with, had I not known.

• Don't agree to a second date without knowing their full name, period.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> The real problem is that men don't take women seriously.


And, you can stop right there because it's enough.
With Mr. So-called nice guy here's how it went:

Him: I want to have you over and when you leave Sunday afternoon you'll feel so much more confident about how much I love you.

Me: OK, even though I've expressed a solid opinion that I am way more comfortable meeting on common ground to do something fun, say a weekend ski getaway where I would insist on paying my own way, I understand it will be easier for you to show me how much you care for me as a person in your own environment.

Him: I've been cleaning all week. What do you like for breakfast?

Me: Oh, I do like a clean environment. That's very important to me. I like to eat oatmeal and a grapefruit for breakfast. Seriously. That's how I choose to start my day, and it's nice if there's dried cranberries or a fresh banana to put in it. I also really like to have hot coffee with nonfat half and half in bed. 

Him: I don't own a coffee maker. I'll buy one.

Me: No need to do that. I have perfectly good organic instant coffee I use when I'm backpacking/camping. It's so good I don't even need half and half in it, just drink it black. All you need is hot water! (Thinking part of why he doesn't want to go away for the weekend is because of $ concerns, he says he's saving for a house, which of course is a good thing in a LTR, right?) Also knowing that when push comes to shove I won't want to be staying in his place on weekends, this is just a one-time deal, ideally he'll be at my place in a LTR because he said he supports my need to work on the weekends and also to catch up on stuff around the house while my kids are away. (He's totally single and no kids and lives in apartment.) It's understood up front I am settling in the village where I am, and am only dating with a view towards marriage.
The instant coffee really is that good. And I know I would feel bad if he bought a coffee maker just on my account. 

Several days later, him: I went to Walmart and bought a coffee maker. It doesn't have a timer so I have to get out of bed to turn it on but am more than happy to do that. Gee I had to look all over for filters. 

Me: I'm sorry to hear you had so much trouble, they're usually right by the coffee. You really didn't have to buy a coffee maker (worried, thinking he has the impression I'm going to be at his place a lot on the weekends, despite all conversations to the contrary.)

Sunday morning:
Him: I bought some English muffins and eggs for breakfast, how do you like your eggs? And I'm going out to get some bacon. 

(Store brand, gross! nothing but white carbo which make me feel like crap - I'd explained to him I like whole foods or I completely decompose physically and mentally... also that I can get high cholesterol easily, on top of telling him explicitly I'd like oatmeal and grapefruit and hinted about the dried cranberries.

Me: You really don't have to go out for bacon. I don't eat much of that at all. Didn't you go shopping yesterday and several times this week?

Him: Yes, but I didn't get bacon. The store's just a few minutes walk away. I'll be back real soon.

Me: Oh, I guess if you want bacon you want bacon. OK then, but what about the coffee? Weren't you going to make me coffee?

Him, oh, right. I didn't read the instructions and am not sure how much to put in.

Me: I'm really sorry, I can't reach where you put the filters. 

Him: Turn sideways. (Watches while I turn and still can't reach the filters, gets the filters.)

Me: Are you really going to get bacon?

Him: It's okay, I'll be back in a few minutes.

I should have just started packing and tried to be gone by the time he got back but get this:

THE NIGHT BEFORE HE INSISTED THAT MY CAR COULD NOT BE LEFT OUT ON THE STREET OVERNIGHT AND MOVED IT INTO A DOUBLE PARKING SPOT THAT HE'D BEEN TALKING UP ALL DAY AND PUT HIS CAR IN BACK OF MINE. 

Now, being the prudent sort of person that I am and trained in diplomacy I put on my stupid face and didn't even think about the issue above in bold, and gamely made my own coffee, ate a slice of bacon, an egg over easy on an English muffin (which he tried to ruin by not making it the way I said I liked it IF I were to even eat that crap, by no means did I call it crap to his face) and even had another go round with him before I left.

Of course, he took a photo of me in my pj's. Despite me asking him not to. But what am I supposed to do, grab his phone and delete the photo, start an argument while I'm trapped? Besides which, any man could have a secret camera in the bathroom, in the bedroom, anywhere in his apartment. Is it right? No. Does it happen? You betcha. 

No, I ate the bacon. One slice. 

So, this was AFTER DATING FOR OVER A MONTH with no hanky panky, meeting his brother, verifying place of work, and spending a lot of dates where he did absolutely nothing wrong and everything just fine. And talking, a lot. Which all went splendidly well. 

It starts with oatmeal, coffee and bacon. But there's a lot more going on under the surface. 

I tried to address some issues of trust with him with regard to listening to simple needs, following through on promises, etc. But he pulled the "you are damaged by your life experience" card on me when I tried to do that. Which has nothing to do with asking for coffee and getting bacon and asking for oatmeal and getting eggs. 
So very weird after I told him about avoiding cholesterol and putting a premium on coffee in bed and being told his primary goal of the weekend was instilling confidence in me. Dude!

So I upped the ante: after I told him we are through, and he called me after 24 hours, (TO SEE HOW I WAS DOING! Fine, UNTIL HE CALLED!) I told him not to contact me or attempt to see me in any way shape or form and that the law is on my side, and that I was saving the text in case I needed it. Now I happen to live in a village where the police would be more than happy to take on scum who think a woman does not need to be listened to when she says don't contact me in any way.

FIP, the problem is worse than men not taking women seriously. It's that some men do not see a woman as an equal at all.
The woman's needs do not matter at all.
It's just a game, to see how stupid a woman can be.
The more hurdles to conquer for a player, the more sweet winning is. It's not just lip service. It's finding out what a woman wants so the player can act like a dufus to the woman and take advantage of her polite/diplomatic nature which he has learned much about in 'courtship' then get her to fully invest and get off on watching her cringe under the pressure of wanting to escape from the nightmare. 

For me, I knew what the deal was the minute he said he was going to get bacon. But I also knew that I could do nothing about it. So I played along and even went on another date, meanwhile he tried to escalate some drama. I told him I don't do drama, I just don't want to see you again. He tried to make out that I was making a mountain out of a molehill, knowing full well the BS he pulled with ignoring the coffee he made such a big deal about and having to go out for bacon.

The clincher, the mug he handed to me was one of those mugs you send flowers in to someone. He didn't identify the sender so you know it was a woman. lol. I ignored that and figured at least it was a big cup, probably from the last woman who got played. 

The downside (for him) is that he ate all of the rest of the package of bacon aside from the one piece I had, two eggs, and developed a nervous stomach (had the ****s several times when dating) as well as itchy skin (stress reaction) from the entire undertaking. But who am I to say what a man can do with his own body? If he wants to sacrifice it for the sake of some abusive game he's playing, not my business.

He also owns a coffee maker, which he can maybe get some points with by having one, or complaining to the next woman how he even went to Walmart and had to find just the right coffee maker and learn how to use it, and clean it properly (he didn't before using it) and how he had to search for filters and the right coffee (I picked out the coffee, separately.) 

It's just my business not to put myself in a position where he can deny me oatmeal and coffee in bed, and block me from leaving. 

Mind you, I could have just called a cab or gone outside and raised a row when he didn't let me leave. But I don't like scenes or having my name on a police report, and he probably knew that.

This is a guy who goes on and on about the 'dirtbags' who leave women with kids and don't want to pay support. He handles child support for his job. Likes to brag he never had a paternity test. 

So there you have it. 
A guy can ask what you want and pretend to listen and then go out of his way to give you exactly what you don't want, trap you in, and then complain that you cannot accept a nice guy in your life because you had an abusive relationship in your past. 

Then he tried the 'misunderstanding' thing too. 

And tried to have 'talks' on a date, wherein he made me late for a movie (pet peeve) and late to pick up my kid (unforgiveable). Mind you, I got in my car after we said goodbye but he got out of his and scared the crap out of me tapping on my window while I was backing up and checking for traffic in back of me (assuming nobody in their right mind would be standing by my car in a rural parking lot, least of all someone I'd told I was desperately late and really needed to go.)

lol. It's a good thing I have a sense of humor. 

If a man doesn't listen to your very simple needs, don't give him the chance to meet more complex ones. Oatmeal and things like oatmeal are very simple. If they cannot be mastered there is no hope for anything else. 


OK, who else has a story about 'dates not listening to you' (but acting as though they were). The problem here I guess though is that he did listen, just not for the purpose one would hope he might have listened for. 

I'm sure it works the opposite way. So men, please share as well.

I'm glad I'm the sort of woman who can make her own coffee.


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> This doesn't surprise me. Most men don't consider "father" to be their primary or only identity--they are socially conditioned to see themselves as multi-faceted--whereas women are more likely to derive their identity from being a mother (or not) because, again, this is socially conditioned. Our society expects women to prioritizes a man's needs over her own, and this is unfortunately ingrained in many men--no matter how enlightened they may claim to be. (Sorry, guys!) So I'm not surprised that it's a turn-off to this guy--or any guy--when a woman's profile clearly states "you will never be my top priority." Who--regardless of gender--wants to be with someone who will never make their partner a priority? No one wants to consistently come in second place.
> 
> Kids need a lot of attention and care, and they need to be a priority, but that needs to be balanced with prioritizing your partner. And sometimes, the partner needs to come first, and sometimes it's the kids. Say the kids want to go to the swimming pool, and you told them that you would take them--but then your partner is in a car accident and is in the emergency room. So do you take your kids to the pool like you promised, or do you go to the emergency room?





FeministInPink said:


> People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.


/sigh
FIP, I agree, just stay away from my house and nobody gets cut.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

What I love is when both people profess to be Christian (or whatever religion they practice), but expect to be first in any relationship. Or even want or say they want to put you first. That's a big turnoff. For one thing, it's way too much pressure on any mortal to be worshipped to that extent, and too much hassle/risk for any mortal to give any other mere human being that kind of priority.

I can see putting a marriage first before kids' trivial needs. 
But there are lots of ways to put a marriage first, even when you can't go on date night because of a reason having to do with kids, etc.

It's important for everyone to be on the same page, that's for sure.


----------



## Dycedarg

I'm twice divorced, 34 years old. My first marriage I was a total white knight. I was with the same woman for 11 years, straight out of high school. We were married for seven and when she left, I begged her to come back. The divorce process was an exceedingly long, grueling and embarrassing process of me declaring my love to her, and her asking me to just let her go. I basically did everything wrong, the total opposite of what we've seen to be effective wisdom here on TAM.

My second marriage I did it much better. I found out a month after we were married that she had dated a guy the prior year for a few weeks (she and I were serious and exclusive at the time). She was deciding whether or not she wanted to be with me or him, and didn't tell me. When I found out I made sure I had undeniable evidence and confronted her very calmly. When she confessed I told her I was done and moved into my own place until the divorce was finalized. 

My dating life is actually fairly enjoyable today. It took me a long, long time to understand that a couple of cliche's are actually spot on, although they're worded poorly. The best thing to do is to be yourself- not because it's noble, or because it's important to be honest, but because when you are yourself you are at your best comfort level, and everything you do in that comfort level, you do well. Or at least as well as you can. That makes you attractive. Masking consumes your emotional resources and it compromises you in ways you can't really put a finger on, but are clear and stark. 

I'm working on another degree in the meantime and maintain my 5-day a week workout routine. Currently I'm dating a young, beautiful woman, and I have been surprised at how easy it is once you find out who you really are and anchor yourself there. 

I wouldn't say I'm in the camp of MGTOW or "Sexodus," but I believe there are irrefutable truths upon which I am capitalizing. The fact of the matter is that my market value is going up and up, and my options concerning females has expanded considerably in my 30's. The other fact is that women face certain challenges as they get older. They become more mature and more likely to seek something worthwhile, but at the expense of their youth. In many cases it is because of waning youth that they're finally getting their heads on straight, which is less than optimal. 

The fortunes I've been afforded allow me to find either young women who are unusually grounded and mature, or older women who are unusually fit and attractive. Either option is exceedingly appealing to me. 

Connecting this to the sentiments of "MGTOW," I am able to enjoy casual dating and retain my financial and social freedom. I'm all too happy to spend money during the dating period however. Obviously dating usually dissipates, but sometimes it does so into a meaningful friendship. I am, in this state, allowed to keep my home, hobbies and life the way I want them, while I enjoy a diverse experience. And who knows, maybe I'll find someone worth marrying. 

I want to emphasize that this isn't sorcery. Any guy can do what I'm doing. All you need to do is start making wise choices, work and study hard, and not dive headlong into a relationship because of the fear of being alone.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> lol. It's a good thing I have a sense of humor.


Are ya sure??? 😮

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> /sigh
> FIP, I agree, just stay away from my house and nobody gets cut.


Those two posts were completely unrelated, and you completely missed the point of the "don't throw stones" comment.

The first post was about societal expectations and gendered roles, and how that affects priorities and perceptions.

The second post was about "don't judge other people when they could be saying the exact same thing about you."

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND UNRELATED.


----------



## FeministInPink

Or did I misunderstand YOUR post?


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> Or did I misunderstand YOUR post?


I think it was misunderstood.

Your second reply I took personally, as I was the one that provided my default assumption that getting involved with someone with children comes with drama, not causes drama, the drama is the precursor to family breakdown.

Your reply was that I shouldn't throw stones in my glass house.

On the first post you mentioned that nobody wants to be second priority to a partners children all the time.

My response to that was, if you aren't willing to come in second all the time, just don't date single parents.

Certainly if you can't reconcile the fact WE parents come with drama, and YOU as a partner will be second priority, at least until a family unit is established, your only going to add to the drama.

You can read my epilogue for how "to balance priorities between children and new partner," come mid January.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Dycedarg said:


> I'm twice divorced, 34 years old. My first marriage I was a total white knight. I was with the same woman for 11 years, straight out of high school. We were married for seven and when she left, I begged her to come back. The divorce process was an exceedingly long, grueling and embarrassing process of me declaring my love to her, and her asking me to just let her go. I basically did everything wrong, the total opposite of what we've seen to be effective wisdom here on TAM.
> 
> My second marriage I did it much better. I found out a month after we were married that she had dated a guy the prior year for a few weeks (she and I were serious and exclusive at the time). She was deciding whether or not she wanted to be with me or him, and didn't tell me. When I found out I made sure I had undeniable evidence and confronted her very calmly. When she confessed I told her I was done and moved into my own place until the divorce was finalized.
> 
> My dating life is actually fairly enjoyable today. It took me a long, long time to understand that a couple of cliche's are actually spot on, although they're worded poorly. The best thing to do is to be yourself- not because it's noble, or because it's important to be honest, but because when you are yourself you are at your best comfort level, and everything you do in that comfort level, you do well. Or at least as well as you can. That makes you attractive. Masking consumes your emotional resources and it compromises you in ways you can't really put a finger on, but are clear and stark.
> 
> I'm working on another degree in the meantime and maintain my 5-day a week workout routine. Currently I'm dating a young, beautiful woman, and I have been surprised at how easy it is once you find out who you really are and anchor yourself there.
> 
> I wouldn't say I'm in the camp of MGTOW or "Sexodus," but I believe there are irrefutable truths upon which I am capitalizing. The fact of the matter is that my market value is going up and up, and my options concerning females has expanded considerably in my 30's. The other fact is that women face certain challenges as they get older. They become more mature and more likely to seek something worthwhile, but at the expense of their youth. In many cases it is because of waning youth that they're finally getting their heads on straight, which is less than optimal.
> 
> The fortunes I've been afforded allow me to find either young women who are unusually grounded and mature, or older women who are unusually fit and attractive. Either option is exceedingly appealing to me.
> 
> Connecting this to the sentiments of "MGTOW," I am able to enjoy casual dating and retain my financial and social freedom. I'm all too happy to spend money during the dating period however. Obviously dating usually dissipates, but sometimes it does so into a meaningful friendship. I am, in this state, allowed to keep my home, hobbies and life the way I want them, while I enjoy a diverse experience. And who knows, maybe I'll find someone worth marrying.
> 
> I want to emphasize that this isn't sorcery. Any guy can do what I'm doing. All you need to do is start making wise choices, work and study hard, and not dive headlong into a relationship because of the fear of being alone.


You lost me on "market value" and the concept of women judging themselves by their youthfulness and having in some way misspent their youth gaining experience/expertise vs. all youth of both genders tending to misspend it in some way or the other, even if they do accomplish anything such as education or parenthood or career or fitness or development of self financial security etc. in spite of such squandering. 

I tried to read the rest and find where you regained some argument or statement that I could follow, but you also seem to imply that there is some getting it right that you can accomplish (I think that takes two in a relationship), some mention of a younger woman (does that matter, really?) and something about dates turning into friends possibly, vs. valuing people as friends who you truly know and then deciding to date them. 

I just felt like something about the post was all topsy turvy from my preferred view of reality, like I should be reading it standing on my head, and not just figuratively but maybe over the porcelain god as well.

Please consider that many woman may have had their heads screwed on straight at an early age, like you obviously did and married people who were unsuitable (which you also did) and that for the most part women who do not age well may be left single for one reason or another depending on the sort of man they happened to partner up with (same situation as you had, twice.)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> Are ya sure??? 😮
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


Yep.

I'm going to add him to my list of amateur sociopaths.


----------



## gouge_away

I can understand that entering the field as a 35+ year old woman can be very hard on the ego. Guys your age are dating girls 10 years younger, and most of your attention is coming from >50+ year olds, or <25 years old. The younger ones have nothing to offer, and the 50 year olds are awkward.

For a 35 year old guy, well, with a half way decent job, your own place, and a healthy lifestyle, you can pretty much have your pick of girls 10 years younger that don't want commitment.

But then we hit 50+ and become the creeps still hitting on 25-35yr olds.
@Dycedarg what you don't understand because your pills have poisoned your mind is, your not a prince, your a 35yr old riding the cnt-carousel, and post 45 the wall is coming at you too, leaving you just another broke bloke with 2 or 3 35yr old baby mommas, remember her household income isn't gonna go up, cause she can't find a decent guy her age that isn't following your lead.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> I think it was misunderstood.
> 
> Your second reply I took personally, as I was the one that provided my default assumption that getting involved with someone with children comes with drama, not causes drama, the drama is the precursor to family breakdown.
> 
> Your reply was that I shouldn't throw stones in my glass house.
> 
> On the first post you mentioned that nobody wants to be second priority to a partners children all the time.
> 
> My response to that was, if you aren't willing to come in second all the time, just don't date single parents.
> 
> Certainly if you can't reconcile the fact WE parents come with drama, and YOU as a partner will be second priority, at least until a family unit is established, your only going to add to the drama.
> 
> You can read my epilogue for how "to balance priorities between children and new partner," come mid January.


Oh, no, then I didn't misunderstand. You actually are as short-sighted as I suspected. 

Your default assumption makes it clear that the drama and the failure of the first marriage is all the fault of the woman. Which is pretty insulting to all women. Especially the women on this thread who are divorced with children.

Any man who holds THAT as their default view is likely the party responsible for the failure of his marriage. And will likely be the cause of drama in future relationships.

And in regards to my earlier post, not only did 1) you take it completely out of context, you also 2) are clearly incapable of reading. Because what I wrote isn't even CLOSE to what you've described above. I'm talking about the balancing of priorities in a LTR, not making someone you just started dating a priority over your kids. Not only that, I'm talking about how one balances priorities within the context and challenge of stereotypical gender roles.

All of which clearly went over your head.

Anyone who, unlike you, has been on this thread for more than five minutes will testify to the MANY comments I've made about how important it is to prioritize the kids. In fact, if I newly start dating a guy, and he prioritizes me over his kids, that's a huge red flag for me. My presence should bring something to the kids' lives, not take something away.


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## TheGoodGuy

I'm liking the conversations around new relationships/kids priorities. I'm definitely one that agrees that kids come first, to a point. After the "normal" dating stuff takes place, I think there is a balancing that takes place. If you want your budding relationship to blossom, you must put effort into both relationship and your kids. 

I'm still learning, but if kids are to be part of life, they should be learning things from the way you handle relationships as well. Not straight off the bat but once it gets to a certain point (timeframe is an discussion often around here) I think the family dynamic comes into play.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

gouge_away said:


> and most of your attention is coming from >50+ year olds, or <25 years old. The younger ones have nothing to offer, and the 50 year olds are awkward.
> ..... remember her household income isn't gonna go up, cause she can't find a decent guy her age that isn't following your lead.


It's so sad to hear these thoughts. 

I wouldn't touch a 35 year old with a 10 foot pole, although I've had plenty of men that age and younger hit on me. They are very sweet and sincere too. But they are way too young to even understand the life or thoughts of a 50 year old, let alone a 50 year old woman with children and an established career where one's not struggling and putting in long hours to prove oneself. 

As far as income goes, I have two kids on board and because I want them more than half time (i.e. as much as I can have them) I take only minimal support, way below what I'm entitled. Kids in no way drag me down. If anything they serve as a litmus test for anyone who would be truly interested in me. 

My income has gone way, way up and quality of life massively improved since divorce. Without the benefit of support. And despite some challenges from men who tried to scr*w me over (not even dating, just landlords, guy who hit and run my car while it was parked in my driveway, and misogynist ex neighbor who spent his unemployment time harassing me in various ways until I told him to get lost because I had money for an attorney if he didn't want to back off.)

I don't know what kind of life you've been leading, but you're not living in my neighborhood, that's for sure. 

I wonder if there is any way to change your thinking and how it came about. 

It doesn't do anything at all to change my thinking that men confuse marriage with commodity sex, paternity and finances. I wish it were otherwise. However, the truth hurts and I'm here to learn the truth.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> And, you can stop right there because it's enough.
> With Mr. So-called nice guy here's how it went:
> 
> *TL;DR* _...kidding..._


Ho. Lee. Chit.

If I invited a woman over for the weekend and she behaved the way you did... Well... I have some land, a shovel, and a bag of lime...

Seriously though, after reading that, I'm glad you're not in a pit somewhere, putting on lotion that's been lowered to you in a basket.


----------



## Dycedarg

These are some pretty hostile replies. I wasn't trying to offend anyone with my views, if I'd known it would spark such emotional responses I would have been a little less specific. 

I would only say in response to the criticisms of my past marriages that I believe they failed precisely because of my outlook on life at the time-- treat people like royalty and they will become your tyrant. There is therefore no need or reason to try and insult the dissolution of my past relationships, just because I've effected change in my life. In fact, trying a new tactic would be advisable, can't we agree on that? 

My newer worldview has been working much better for me. I'm equally puzzled by the assertion that I'm going to be broke in my 50's. If I end up alone as Homemaker and Gouge are insinuating, at the very least I would not be broke.


----------



## RandomDude

Visiting TAM these days helps me to remember why its best not to get involved ever again with someone. Helps fight the nagging desire for mating, which thankfully is depleting as I age.

Being alone is not so bad... it's actually quite awesome come to think about it


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, no, then I didn't misunderstand. You actually are as short-sighted as I suspected.
> 
> Your default assumption makes it clear that the drama and the failure of the first marriage is all the fault of the woman. Which is pretty insulting to all women. Especially the women on this thread who are divorced with children.
> 
> Any man who holds THAT as their default view is likely the party responsible for the failure of his marriage. And will likely be the cause of drama in future relationships.
> 
> And in regards to my earlier post, not only did 1) you take it completely out of context, you also 2) are clearly incapable of reading. Because what I wrote isn't even CLOSE to what you've described above. I'm talking about the balancing of priorities in a LTR, not making someone you just started dating a priority over your kids. Not only that, I'm talking about how one balances priorities within the context and challenge of stereotypical gender roles.
> 
> All of which clearly went over your head.
> 
> Anyone who, unlike you, has been on this thread for more than five minutes will testify to the MANY comments I've made about how important it is to prioritize the kids. In fact, if I newly start dating a guy, and he prioritizes me over his kids, that's a huge red flag for me. My presence should bring something to the kids' lives, not take something away.


No you certainly did misunderstand, that is quite vain of you to assume that I blame women for marital breakdown.

_We're you not replying to a post, which criticized men or women for including the line "my children come first," on their personal ad?_


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> No you certainly did misunderstand, that is quite vain of you to assume that I blame women for marital breakdown.


Well, it seems pretty clear that's what you're saying here:



gouge_away said:


> vi_bride04 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure the single mothers on the thread would love for you to explain your reasoning. Why does having a kid and the dad not being in the picture cause for drama? What makes you default to that line of thinking?
> 
> 
> 
> strawman:
> 
> My default reasoning is this: *The drama has caused the dad to be out of the picture.*
Click to expand...

Your response here makes it clear that the default reasoning is that the woman is at fault for the "drama"--in other words, she's at fault for the dad being out of the picture, it's her fault that she's a single mom in the first place.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> No you certainly did misunderstand, that is quite vain of you to assume that I blame women for marital breakdown.
> 
> _*We're you not replying to a post, which criticized men or women for including the line "my children come first," on their personal ad?*_


When, specifically? Yes, I did respond to that post, way back forever ago. That response was completely unrelated to the glass houses comment, or anything else that you're currently finding fault with.

My response to the post regarding dating said that children being a priority should go without saying, a good potential partner will recognize that the kids need to be a priority as well, and that for a LTR to work when kids are involved, the new partner is also responsible for prioritizing the kids, and making that choice easier for the bio-parent. But their still will come a time--certain situations--in a LTR with kids when the partner needs to be prioritized over the children. The example I gave was when the partner's life is in danger but the kids want ice cream; one is critical and the other is trivial. Do you prioritize the children's desire for ice cream over the the partner's need to go to a hospital? No, you don't. At that point, the partner needs to be the priority.

There was some other stuff in the post about gendered bias and expectations, but I'm not going to go into all that again.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

@FeministInPink you have a huge point there. I get that dismissive approach and when I don't play dumb or play along I am treated like I'm some ballsy *****. (Like the married guy story below.) I don't play games. I don't play dumb, I say what I mean and I mean what I say! There may be times I bite my tongue and let a scenario play itself out before I determine my next move/words, but if I say something, I really mean it so pay attention. 

Wow, @Homemaker_Numero_Uno. Some men just tune us out or think we don't know what we want. He wanted to impress you with his cooking OR he wanted to eat what HE wanted and tried to make out that it was all for you. Obviously a whole pack (!!!!!!) of bacon is way over the top for anyone!

He really was clueless. Aside from *hinting* about cranberries, buying a box of steel cut oats and a grapefruit and letting you bring your instant coffee would have been super easy AND showed he paid attention. But you were dismissed because you're just a woman and can't possibly know what we want. OR he assumes you were trying to eat dainty in front of him. Either way he's assuming a lot instead of just taking your words at face value.

I would feel VERY uncomfortable about being blocked in. In fact I would have been tempted to move his car for him if he left keys out anywhere.
@gouge_away I, too, figure out the real names. Found one who still owned property with a wife but his profile said he was single (i.e. never married). When confronted he said he put single (vs. divorced or separated) because he was separated but knew woman passed men over who weren't divorced yet. I told him yes, for good reason - I've dated two separated men, was falling for them but turned out that I was the rebound and never again. He was pretty pissed I figured it out and also pissed I reacted with such displeasure. He was running for a public office, too.  Did he really think noone would figure it out? Or maybe he was so narcissistic he knew his photo would be recognized and that would reel in the women? Gah.
@free2beme14 I think now that so many people have cell phone numbers and also move for work/school/etc. I don't find a different area code a red flag at all. The other things are definitely red flags. Out of the country? Then sending a random selfie of you IN that country should be no problem!


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> Well, it seems pretty clear that's what you're saying here:
> 
> Your response here makes it clear that the default reasoning is that the woman is at fault for the "drama"--in other words, she's at fault for the dad being out of the picture, it's her fault that she's a single mom in the first place.


Oh I see, cause my cis-mysogonistic-vernacular equates "drama" and "women," interchangeably.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Lone Shadow said:


> Ho. Lee. Chit.
> 
> If I invited a woman over for the weekend and she behaved the way you did... Well... I have some land, a shovel, and a bag of lime...
> 
> Seriously though, after reading that, I'm glad you're not in a pit somewhere, putting on lotion that's been lowered to you in a basket.


Just catching up - really, you think she behaved badly? Summarize: He asked what she wanted. She told him she wanted coffee which she could bring herself, plus oatmeal and grapefruit.

Instead he went out and bought a coffee maker which he pointed out he'd have to get up early to start yet he didn't - he just complained about having to find filters and mentions he got English muffins and eggs but forgot bacon. NONE OF THOSE THINGS DID SHE WANT. Did he think she didn't KNOW what she wanted? Silly woman has no idea she really wants eggs, muffin and bacon.

So he doesn't get up and start coffee; she has to make it. The filters are out of her reach, but instead of getting them, tells her to try and reach at a different angle before finally being courteous enough to get them. 

Then he LEAVES HER to go get the bacon she never wanted. Maybe HE wanted it but he disguises this as doing it for her - he didn't. He did it for himself since he ate the whole thing himself.

Meanwhile she never complains. She makes her own coffee, eats what he prepares and is a good sport. 

The fact he blocked her in might have been intended to be chivalrous by moving her car and "protecting" it, so that one we'll let go to ignorance even though men should be aware that a woman might like to not be trapped.

I don't see where she behaved badly? He took none of her requests into consideration. He didn't listen or he was dismissive if he did.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> Oh I see, cause my cis-mysogonistic-vernacular equates "drama" and "women," interchangeably.


Well, you have already posted a number of offensive, misogynistic things, so... yes.


----------



## FeministInPink

@EnjoliWoman-- @LoneShadow was joking. He doesn't actually think she behaved badly


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> Your response here makes it clear that the default reasoning is that the woman is at fault for the "drama"--in other words, she's at fault for the dad being out of the picture, it's her fault that she's a single mom in the first place.


Perhaps, because I read it slightly differently, what he means is, nearly all divorce comes with drama and it is the drama that causes problems in the second relationship. Not the woman causing drama. The drama causing the problems. A bit of noun/very confusion, perhaps?

Or maybe *I* read it all wrong.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

FeministInPink said:


> @EnjoliWoman-- @LoneShadow was joking. He doesn't actually think she behaved badly


'doh

Sorry, @Loneshadow

I got all worked up on HNUs behalf! :grin2:


----------



## Lone Shadow

No worries. It's been a little heated in here today.


----------



## free2beme14

gouge_away said:


> I can understand that entering the field as a 35+ year old woman can be very hard on the ego. Guys your age are dating girls 10 years younger, and most of your attention is coming from >50+ year olds, or <25 years old. The younger ones have nothing to offer, and the 50 year olds are awkward.
> 
> For a 35 year old guy, well, with a half way decent job, your own place, and a healthy lifestyle, you can pretty much have your pick of girls 10 years younger that don't want commitment.
> 
> But then we hit 50+ and become the creeps still hitting on 25-35yr olds.
> @Dycedarg what you don't understand because your pills have poisoned your mind is, your not a prince, your a 35yr old riding the cnt-carousel, and post 45 the wall is coming at you too, leaving you just another broke bloke with 2 or 3 35yr old baby mommas, remember her household income isn't gonna go up, cause she can't find a decent guy her age that isn't following your lead.


45 year old female here, and I have to agree with your comments. I find that 20 somethings are hitting on me cause they have "never been with someone my age". Like that is supposed to make me feel good to be just a check mark on their list. Guys my age are either married, or divorced and wanting to play. I'd prefer an older guy (48-53) who has past the "fun" of being single again, and not wanting to pick out curtains and get married. Someone who is looking for a LTR, great conversation, etc.

Oh and by the way, all the guys and girls who are not a 10 who expect a 10 are kidding themselves. I know I'm not a 10, and I don't go looking for a 10--but I make up for my looks with my intelligence, wit, sarcasm and huge heart.


----------



## gouge_away

free2beme14 said:


> 45 year old female here, and I have to agree with your comments. I find that 20 somethings are hitting on me cause they have "never been with someone my age". Like that is supposed to make me feel good to be just a check mark on their list.


Personally I didn't have the check mark mentality, I dated a few women in my 20s that were 10+ years older. I married a woman 10+ years older. I noticed that the women in that age bracket were more committed, and the women in my bracket were nearly inaccessible because they were seeking more established men to empower them.
Women in there 30s-40s didn't need or expect a man to empower them, I didn't have the means or establishment to do so either way.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Ho. Lee. Chit.
> 
> If I invited a woman over for the weekend and she behaved the way you did... Well... I have some land, a shovel, and a bag of lime...
> 
> Seriously though, after reading that, I'm glad you're not in a pit somewhere, putting on lotion that's been lowered to you in a basket.


LOL, people who suck at the teats of the government for their work (while making fun of people who need the services they provide) won't do anything to risk their handout. I mean, paycheck. :nerd:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm going to put in a plug for single parents - moms included - who are good at avoiding drama.

A person who is serious about raising kids and earning income plus having leisure time, including a relationship, doesn't have time for drama, much less a taste for it or an inclination to create it. 

It's simply not possible to earn a living when constantly dealing with drama. You can fake it, but that's a losing short term strategy at best.

Someone who wants to attract a drama free mate is going to make sure their life is drama free. Unless you're PRONE to dating someone with drama, and attracted to that (say, because it makes you feel better about an empty, unfettered, uncomplicated but completely single and childless life) you're in the safety zone on this one.

Most people want the best for their kids. This means school attendance, extracurricular activities, health care appointments, decent meals, and a clean house. This requires organization. In a single-parent household, who do you think is responsible for this order? The kids? 

Kids can also be counted on to tell the truth about their single parent. No, not by asking them, but by observing them. Meet the kids, know quite a bit about the parent and whether they honestly create drama or not. Is the kid straight-A, is the kid polite, is the kid coherent, does the kid have a good grip on reality, does the kid have interesting hobbies that don't involve media and excessive screen time, does the kid read or talk about current events? Without a kid to showcase for their time, what's a single parent have to show for what goes on behind closed doors in their life? A person with a good kid is a good person. It doesn't happen by accident, and if you get the odd kid who is way more advanced maturity wise than their parent, chances are that it's going to be obvious that the parent is a f-up and the kid is just coping out of fear/obligation because the kid knows the parent is useless (and if a kid knows that much, you will too). 

So I don't get it. What's the deal with single parents (moms especially) and drama? 


Somebody please enlighten me why it's so much of a sure thing, that kids and single moms = drama.
I am confused.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

EnjoliWoman said:


> 'doh
> 
> Sorry, @Loneshadow
> 
> I got all worked up on HNUs behalf! :grin2:


It's called cognitive priming. I heard it's a completely human condition. :laugh:

The car blocking was deliberate. There's additional stuff that didn't happen on the weekend that I haven't included. He definitely played up the parking space and kept watching for the woman in that lane (the double one) to move her car. He also remarked how bad a parker she was although she really wasn't. And was obsessed with the parking situation, way more than he should have been. He had clearly thought it out. 

He made a point to say he was walking to the store. And that he would be back SOON. No idea where his keys were. Like I said, if I was more worried or panicked I would have grabbed my stuff and gone. I didn't detect a real threat. Here's the thing, a guy like that is going to be prepared to win if he needs to, but the best thing is to keep stringing along the situation as long as possible because it will mean (1) more thrill at power plays where he's 'getting away with something' which will feed (2) more sex once he gets a rise from being powerful. Why would he do something so stupid as to ruin a future in that by risking a record that everyone can see. Most people are smarter than that or they live in places like Mongolia, India, Mexico, etc. and have money to bribe the police (or where the police really can't be bothered to give a f*ck, unless they are invited over to do so...literally.)

At least in the US, there seems to be some limit as to what kind of really bad things can happen on a date. 

Of course, some people get married and are fooled long enough to be killed off in some way for life insurance. Fortunately, that's rare, but it's not unheard of. 


If I was wrong, which I'm 99.999% sure I'm not I'll miss out on some similar Sundays which is not really a bad thing to be missing out on. 

:|


----------



## Lone Shadow

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> LOL, people who suck at the teats of the government for their work (while making fun of people who need the services they provide) won't do anything to risk their handout. I mean, paycheck. :nerd:


Wait a minute. Is that a dig at your weekend adventure, or a dig at me? I don't necessarily make fun of people who need gov't services, but as a defense contractor, I am definitely sucking those teats.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Somebody please enlighten me why it's so much of a sure thing, that kids and single moms = drama.
> I am confused.


A single mum could be a woman of the finest quality, but there may still be potential drama due to kids. I've seen enough dating as a single dad as well as observing my own step family in the past to know that drama/problems/issues is not always avoidable. 

Part of the reason I reckon it's all over for me already.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lone Shadow said:


> Wait a minute. Is that a dig at your weekend adventure, or a dig at me? I don't necessarily make fun of people who need gov't services, but as a defense contractor, I am definitely sucking those teats.


I'm talking about people who can't get any other job and having secured a government position from which it's difficult to be fired, do as little as possible while pissing and moaning with the justification that they are are OVERqualified and don't get paid what they should be paid for putting up with they do. 

And then running up the health coverage costs by eating bacon and not going to the gym, even though gym membership is a health coverage perk.

I'd be the last person to throw stones at a government contractor. My house is glass through and through. However, 100% accountable as a one-person single source contract. If I don't deliver the goods, trust me, it will be noticed. 

The last thing I need is someone like Mr. Bacon Drama messing up my life with his smalltime gaming. Get with an established program, or get out. Two types of people: people who do what they say, and people whose words and actions go in opposite directions and who thus cause chaos.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> A single mum could be a woman of the finest quality, but there may still be potential drama due to kids. I've seen enough dating as a single dad as well as observing my own step family in the past to know that drama/problems/issues is not always avoidable.
> 
> Part of the reason I reckon it's all over for me already.


There's a drama if I ever heard one.


----------



## Lone Shadow

HNU, I've got some stones you can borrow. Pulled a big one from my windshield this past spring..


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

LS we have glacial erratics all over the place here. Plenty of rocks. 
Good for climbing. And no nasty insects or spiders or snakes like in the South.

Sorry about your windshield. 

A guy up here died on a road I don't like to begin with, when a stone fell off a truck and killed him.
He was in a car driving behind, front seat passenger.
They are still looking for the truck that was carrying the load of stones. :-(
Hope you are okay and not too much damage to your person or property. 
Sounds like you were lucky, but it's still a hassle and a huge scare. 

Usually up here it's ice, but there's a new law that's enforced that people and truck drivers need to have their roofs clear of ice. It's that dangerous. That stuff can be heavy, and when it starts melting just a little bit, it slides right off. On a truck, it can be deadly.


----------



## FeministInPink

Ha ha, HNU, that's not where his stone came from! There is a REAL GOOD STORY behind that stone 

(Trust me, it isn't going to be like any story that you might expect.)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, HNU, that's not where his stone came from! There is a REAL GOOD STORY behind that stone
> 
> (Trust me, it isn't going to be like any story that you might expect.)


I might be too delicate to listen to that story.
:x


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I might be too delicate to listen to that story.
> :x


You're one of the toughest broads I know! (Meant with all kinds of love, of course.) I think you can handle it, if LoneShadow thinks it bears repeating here.

Of course, I'm building it up so much now that it's going to be a huge letdown when he actually tells it. If he tells it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sigh. My fun and games are over.

I specifically told Mr. Bacon not to text, call, leave vm, send anything to my home or box or to even drive by without a good reason to be in my village (besides me that is, as there's a perfectly good highway that bypasses the entire town). Well, after only 4-5 days of peace and quiet he blew up my phone. Scary give it one more try kind of messages, I hope he's drunk and not serious. Most guys here know our anti-harassment laws. 

I called out local police and told them about the guy's known OC (he has a handwashing issue, and not a germophobe so I think he has moral 'dirtyness' issues going on which are somewhat more ominous...what did he do/what is he doing that he has a handwashing compulsion, and I don't mean the obvious....it's usually a little worse than that) as well as my very clear text about being through and not to contact me, and the thing with seemingly provoking me while having my car blocked in (which he did obsess about and plan out and even mentally prepared me by priming me about the parking 'situation' at his apartment. 

So, this guy's not an idiot. He was in my math class, remember? And he has a liberal arts degree and a state job. So there's some basic level of competence, but it may be way higher because he's clearly literate and also made a pointed habit of saying how stupid he was. Over and over again. I think he feigned ignorance about a few things. 

Anyhow, the police are probably going to end up calling him and telling him to stay away from me. Which I already did but since he won't listen to a mere woman, he's going to have to listen to people who can actually arrest him and seriously mess up his credit score and his ability to prey on other women. Etc. 

I think he underestimated the small town thing, thinking that because I was in outdoor/hiking clothes in my profile photo I'm naïve (hahahahaha) and also that in a small town I'm going to be too embarrassed to tell the police things like staying over at his place and being creeped out with the provoking behavior and realizing my car was blocked in. I mean, the police generally know everything about you anyhow. Especially in a small town. They agreed with me, usually players think you're going to be too embarrassed to do anything, and they word their messages, etc. to seem like you victimized them and that they want to give you another chance. So when the police read the message, they're like, you're over-reacting, what did you say to him, he seems nice, in what manner did you dump him, seems like you provoked him, etc. etc. But, no means no. Big deal, I said he needed to go to the gym and that bacon was going to kill him if the treadmill didn't. I'm mean, I admit it. I upped the level of insult to try to get him to realize I wasn't interested. A normal guy would be like, oh, she's mean, I don't think I want to be with her any more, if she's going to say things like that about my gut. A player says, wow, you said some things I never heard about myself before so I reacted badly (blaming you twice, once for your own words which were fair play, and once again FOR WHAT THEY SAID AFTER that was unforgivable in a LTR). 

So, I also told the police that he got really upset because two women were chatting in the checkout line at our local shop when he went in to buy Imodium (for his nervous stomach) and he said unkind things about that and made a huge deal of it. See, I told the police, he's clearly incompatible...I brought him to our village and he gets upset because people are doing normal things and he had to wait. (They asked if he seemed the kind to get angry so I gave that as an example. He really did get worked up about it, although he could have just been doing the player thing about insulting my town and the women in it.) I also added that he didn't even have hiking boots, so that if we went out for a walk I had to avoid any kind of mud. (I'm thinking he might have done this on purpose because I offered to buy him hiking boots early for Christmas when I was picking up some things at EMS and he wouldn't let me.) 

I also think he might be having financial issues so is not going to want to give up on me because he might have got it set in his mind that I was a good path for him money wise. So not only did I cut off his sex and game, I also cut off his money. If he's in any kind of financial problems and had a plan that involved me, that's very bad. 

I don't think they will do any paperwork on him, just give him a verbal and tell him what's what. And save the real stuff for if he gives them any trouble. They could charge him right now and I have evidence. But we don't want to provoke him.

In his city, the police don't have time for this stuff. Around here, they are more than happy to help with whatever laws are being broken. 

In any case if he's stupid enough to come by my place during the holiday, my neighbors will see him being handcuffed, and I'll say, price of dating, maybe you could introduce me to a genuine nice guy so we can avoid all this drama...

So much for putting in the hours of work I wanted to put in tonight, but maybe that was the point so I'll work anyhow. Just take the laptop to bed. Geez.


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> There's a drama if I ever heard one.


Not when im single .... 

Total serenity beats drama anyday!

Though I find myself thinking about that lady I met, tan skin, gorgeous big eyes and sexy eyelashes... but! A quick rub at home and im back to normal! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm talking about people who can't get any other job and having secured a government position from which it's difficult to be fired, do as little as possible while pissing and moaning with the justification that they are are OVERqualified and don't get paid what they should be paid for putting up with they do.
> 
> And then running up the health coverage costs by eating bacon and not going to the gym, even though gym membership is a health coverage perk.
> 
> I'd be the last person to throw stones at a government contractor. My house is glass through and through. However, 100% accountable as a one-person single source contract. If I don't deliver the goods, trust me, it will be noticed.
> 
> The last thing I need is someone like Mr. Bacon Drama messing up my life with his smalltime gaming. Get with an established program, or get out. Two types of people: people who do what they say, and people whose words and actions go in opposite directions and who thus cause chaos.


To some degree gov workers get chit on. The requirements to land some jobs cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, the bulk of which goes onto fed gov student loans, and in return they get a $34k a year gov job that doesn't utilize any of their education, or certification requirements.

It's almost a scam, we will borrow you the money to trap yourself into our chitty pay grade furlough system.

The solution isn't more pay, its less requirements, more training. Training keeps employees engaged, so they don't end up sucking taxpayer dollars growing a$$.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

gouge_away said:


> To some degree gov workers get chit on. The requirements to land some jobs cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, the bulk of which goes onto fed gov student loans, and in return they get a $34k a year gov job that doesn't utilize any of their education, or certification requirements.
> 
> It's almost a scam, we will borrow you the money to trap yourself into our chitty pay grade furlough system.
> 
> The solution isn't more pay, its less requirements, more training. Training keeps employees engaged, so they don't end up sucking taxpayer dollars growing a$$.


People are free to choose education within their means. Plenty of assistance so long as one doesn't want to squander it on overpriced degrees that don't deliver. If people can't manage to invest wisely in their education, perhaps they're not going to benefit from an overly expensive education to begin with and should get their hopes in line with the realities of their abilities. That said, I do think loans are extended to young people who don't know better and are barely adults, and hyped up to the point of being predatory, while at the same time many universities and colleges practice similar predatory admissions policies in order to get at this borrowed money. If we had free university for those who were truly qualified to be accepted into programs, this problem might be solved. Other countries have done so successfully. 

As for being trapped, I think health insurance has a lot to do with it. People are going to get sick. Not having national health care coverage regardless of job status ends up with people being trapped in jobs they're not even suitable for, and have no interest in, just to have the health insurance coverage for themselves or their family members. This is indeed a scam, to keep the employed in corporations from moving so freely to competitors and pushing up wages. I think it's fear based. We are moving away from this system, but only slowly. Other countries have done so with success. People can be happier at their work because it's easier to leave. Even if your dependent has some kind of condition that needs health care.


----------



## MRR

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> And, you can stop right there because it's enough.
> With Mr. So-called nice guy here's how it went:
> 
> Him: I want to have you over and when you leave Sunday afternoon you'll feel so much more confident about how much I love you.
> 
> Me: OK, even though I've expressed a solid opinion that I am way more comfortable meeting on common ground to do something fun, say a weekend ski getaway where I would insist on paying my own way, I understand it will be easier for you to show me how much you care for me as a person in your own environment.
> 
> Him: I've been cleaning all week. What do you like for breakfast?
> 
> Me: Oh, I do like a clean environment. That's very important to me. I like to eat oatmeal and a grapefruit for breakfast. Seriously. That's how I choose to start my day, and it's nice if there's dried cranberries or a fresh banana to put in it. I also really like to have hot coffee with nonfat half and half in bed.
> 
> Him: I don't own a coffee maker. I'll buy one.
> 
> Me: No need to do that. I have perfectly good organic instant coffee I use when I'm backpacking/camping. It's so good I don't even need half and half in it, just drink it black. All you need is hot water! (Thinking part of why he doesn't want to go away for the weekend is because of $ concerns, he says he's saving for a house, which of course is a good thing in a LTR, right?) Also knowing that when push comes to shove I won't want to be staying in his place on weekends, this is just a one-time deal, ideally he'll be at my place in a LTR because he said he supports my need to work on the weekends and also to catch up on stuff around the house while my kids are away. (He's totally single and no kids and lives in apartment.) It's understood up front I am settling in the village where I am, and am only dating with a view towards marriage.
> The instant coffee really is that good. And I know I would feel bad if he bought a coffee maker just on my account.
> 
> Several days later, him: I went to Walmart and bought a coffee maker. It doesn't have a timer so I have to get out of bed to turn it on but am more than happy to do that. Gee I had to look all over for filters.
> 
> Me: I'm sorry to hear you had so much trouble, they're usually right by the coffee. You really didn't have to buy a coffee maker (worried, thinking he has the impression I'm going to be at his place a lot on the weekends, despite all conversations to the contrary.)
> 
> Sunday morning:
> Him: I bought some English muffins and eggs for breakfast, how do you like your eggs? And I'm going out to get some bacon.
> 
> (Store brand, gross! nothing but white carbo which make me feel like crap - I'd explained to him I like whole foods or I completely decompose physically and mentally... also that I can get high cholesterol easily, on top of telling him explicitly I'd like oatmeal and grapefruit and hinted about the dried cranberries.
> 
> Me: You really don't have to go out for bacon. I don't eat much of that at all. Didn't you go shopping yesterday and several times this week?
> 
> Him: Yes, but I didn't get bacon. The store's just a few minutes walk away. I'll be back real soon.
> 
> Me: Oh, I guess if you want bacon you want bacon. OK then, but what about the coffee? Weren't you going to make me coffee?
> 
> Him, oh, right. I didn't read the instructions and am not sure how much to put in.
> 
> Me: I'm really sorry, I can't reach where you put the filters.
> 
> Him: Turn sideways. (Watches while I turn and still can't reach the filters, gets the filters.)
> 
> Me: Are you really going to get bacon?
> 
> Him: It's okay, I'll be back in a few minutes.
> 
> I should have just started packing and tried to be gone by the time he got back but get this:
> 
> THE NIGHT BEFORE HE INSISTED THAT MY CAR COULD NOT BE LEFT OUT ON THE STREET OVERNIGHT AND MOVED IT INTO A DOUBLE PARKING SPOT THAT HE'D BEEN TALKING UP ALL DAY AND PUT HIS CAR IN BACK OF MINE.
> 
> Now, being the prudent sort of person that I am and trained in diplomacy I put on my stupid face and didn't even think about the issue above in bold, and gamely made my own coffee, ate a slice of bacon, an egg over easy on an English muffin (which he tried to ruin by not making it the way I said I liked it IF I were to even eat that crap, by no means did I call it crap to his face) and even had another go round with him before I left.
> 
> Of course, he took a photo of me in my pj's. Despite me asking him not to. But what am I supposed to do, grab his phone and delete the photo, start an argument while I'm trapped? Besides which, any man could have a secret camera in the bathroom, in the bedroom, anywhere in his apartment. Is it right? No. Does it happen? You betcha.
> 
> No, I ate the bacon. One slice.
> 
> So, this was AFTER DATING FOR OVER A MONTH with no hanky panky, meeting his brother, verifying place of work, and spending a lot of dates where he did absolutely nothing wrong and everything just fine. And talking, a lot. Which all went splendidly well.
> 
> It starts with oatmeal, coffee and bacon. But there's a lot more going on under the surface.
> 
> I tried to address some issues of trust with him with regard to listening to simple needs, following through on promises, etc. But he pulled the "you are damaged by your life experience" card on me when I tried to do that. Which has nothing to do with asking for coffee and getting bacon and asking for oatmeal and getting eggs.
> So very weird after I told him about avoiding cholesterol and putting a premium on coffee in bed and being told his primary goal of the weekend was instilling confidence in me. Dude!
> 
> So I upped the ante: after I told him we are through, and he called me after 24 hours, (TO SEE HOW I WAS DOING! Fine, UNTIL HE CALLED!) I told him not to contact me or attempt to see me in any way shape or form and that the law is on my side, and that I was saving the text in case I needed it. Now I happen to live in a village where the police would be more than happy to take on scum who think a woman does not need to be listened to when she says don't contact me in any way.
> 
> FIP, the problem is worse than men not taking women seriously. It's that some men do not see a woman as an equal at all.
> The woman's needs do not matter at all.
> It's just a game, to see how stupid a woman can be.
> The more hurdles to conquer for a player, the more sweet winning is. It's not just lip service. It's finding out what a woman wants so the player can act like a dufus to the woman and take advantage of her polite/diplomatic nature which he has learned much about in 'courtship' then get her to fully invest and get off on watching her cringe under the pressure of wanting to escape from the nightmare.
> 
> For me, I knew what the deal was the minute he said he was going to get bacon. But I also knew that I could do nothing about it. So I played along and even went on another date, meanwhile he tried to escalate some drama. I told him I don't do drama, I just don't want to see you again. He tried to make out that I was making a mountain out of a molehill, knowing full well the BS he pulled with ignoring the coffee he made such a big deal about and having to go out for bacon.
> 
> The clincher, the mug he handed to me was one of those mugs you send flowers in to someone. He didn't identify the sender so you know it was a woman. lol. I ignored that and figured at least it was a big cup, probably from the last woman who got played.
> 
> The downside (for him) is that he ate all of the rest of the package of bacon aside from the one piece I had, two eggs, and developed a nervous stomach (had the ****s several times when dating) as well as itchy skin (stress reaction) from the entire undertaking. But who am I to say what a man can do with his own body? If he wants to sacrifice it for the sake of some abusive game he's playing, not my business.
> 
> He also owns a coffee maker, which he can maybe get some points with by having one, or complaining to the next woman how he even went to Walmart and had to find just the right coffee maker and learn how to use it, and clean it properly (he didn't before using it) and how he had to search for filters and the right coffee (I picked out the coffee, separately.)
> 
> It's just my business not to put myself in a position where he can deny me oatmeal and coffee in bed, and block me from leaving.
> 
> Mind you, I could have just called a cab or gone outside and raised a row when he didn't let me leave. But I don't like scenes or having my name on a police report, and he probably knew that.
> 
> This is a guy who goes on and on about the 'dirtbags' who leave women with kids and don't want to pay support. He handles child support for his job. Likes to brag he never had a paternity test.
> 
> So there you have it.
> A guy can ask what you want and pretend to listen and then go out of his way to give you exactly what you don't want, trap you in, and then complain that you cannot accept a nice guy in your life because you had an abusive relationship in your past.
> 
> Then he tried the 'misunderstanding' thing too.
> 
> And tried to have 'talks' on a date, wherein he made me late for a movie (pet peeve) and late to pick up my kid (unforgiveable). Mind you, I got in my car after we said goodbye but he got out of his and scared the crap out of me tapping on my window while I was backing up and checking for traffic in back of me (assuming nobody in their right mind would be standing by my car in a rural parking lot, least of all someone I'd told I was desperately late and really needed to go.)
> 
> lol. It's a good thing I have a sense of humor.
> 
> If a man doesn't listen to your very simple needs, don't give him the chance to meet more complex ones. Oatmeal and things like oatmeal are very simple. If they cannot be mastered there is no hope for anything else.
> 
> 
> OK, who else has a story about 'dates not listening to you' (but acting as though they were). The problem here I guess though is that he did listen, just not for the purpose one would hope he might have listened for.
> 
> I'm sure it works the opposite way. So men, please share as well.
> 
> I'm glad I'm the sort of woman who can make her own coffee.



ummmm...this is so NOT what I took FIP's thread to mean. Your situation is....well this story is strange in this context, but do not think there are not women out there not listening to what men say in the dating world. Or misrepresenting themselves. Or latching on in a very controlling way. 

For me, FIP was talking about in a marriage-- an already-committed, know-everything-about each other bond that is not cared for olong-term-- and in that I agree it is often men. Though I have learned that men and women communicate differently even in marriage and either one or both could fail to learn what the other person is trying to communicate; or become lazy and assume the work was done in getting to the wedding part.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

MRR said:


> ummmm...this is so NOT what I took FIP's thread to mean. Your situation is....well this story is strange in this context, but do not think there are not women out there not listening to what men say in the dating world. Or misrepresenting themselves. Or latching on in a very controlling way.
> 
> For me, FIP was talking about in a marriage-- an already-committed, know-everything-about each other bond that is not cared for olong-term-- and in that I agree it is often men. Though I have learned that men and women communicate differently even in marriage and either one or both could fail to learn what the other person is trying to communicate; or become lazy and assume the work was done in getting to the wedding part.


What I'm saying is that the time to find out if a person is going to listen to needs and be respectful of even the most simple and reasonable ones is in dating. If one does find oneself in a marriage where they're not being listened to, either they seriously misjudged their mate's character (and character is difficult to change) or there is something that could be fixed in the dynamics if they still share/believe in the long term commitment to the marriage.

I had thought this was a singles thread , apologies for missing the focus on a marriage issue. :-(
That's very different. In particular if you think someone might be lying about listening and just giving lip service to valid needs. 
Before marriage, I think it's just more prudent to bail. After marriage, you have to figure out, is my marriage based on lies and empty promises?


----------



## MRR

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> What I'm saying is that the time to find out if a person is going to listen to needs and be respectful of even the most simple and reasonable ones is in dating. If one does find oneself in a marriage where they're not being listened to, either they seriously misjudged their mate's character (and character is difficult to change) or there is something that could be fixed in the dynamics if they still share/believe in the long term commitment to the marriage.
> 
> I had thought this was a singles thread , apologies for missing the focus on a marriage issue. :-(
> That's very different. In particular if you think someone might be lying about listening and just giving lip service to valid needs.
> Before marriage, I think it's just more prudent to bail. After marriage, you have to figure out, is my marriage based on lies and empty promises?


So you think only men treat women the way you have been treated? Women never treat men that way; women always listen and never ignore what they actually hear. They never try to change men or manipulate them so circumstances are to their preference. 

And yes, again, I think the article referring to MEN not listening to WOMEN is more applicable to failed marriages than some random person you "dated" for a month. The roles in your case, with the specific details that clearly annoyed you, could easily be reversed. The article seems to address an overall situation in LTRs where women end up leaving men.


----------



## MRR

Dycedarg said:


> These are some pretty hostile replies. I wasn't trying to offend anyone with my views, if I'd known it would spark such emotional responses I would have been a little less specific.
> 
> I would only say in response to the criticisms of my past marriages that I believe they failed precisely because of my outlook on life at the time-- treat people like royalty and they will become your tyrant. There is therefore no need or reason to try and insult the dissolution of my past relationships, just because I've effected change in my life. In fact, trying a new tactic would be advisable, can't we agree on that?
> 
> My newer worldview has been working much better for me. I'm equally puzzled by the assertion that I'm going to be broke in my 50's. If I end up alone as Homemaker and Gouge are insinuating, at the very least I would not be broke.


dyc-- I wouldnt worry about it. Let's just say, as an observer of this exchange, one party seems happy and the other seems pretty bitter overall. Not sure why the bitter party would suggest trying to 'change' the views of the party that has actually found happiness after 2 divorces.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

MRR said:


> So you think only men treat women the way you have been treated? Women never treat men that way; women always listen and never ignore what they actually hear. They never try to change men or manipulate them so circumstances are to their preference.
> 
> And yes, again, I think the article referring to MEN not listening to WOMEN is more applicable to failed marriages than some random person you "dated" for a month. The roles in your case, with the specific details that clearly annoyed you, could easily be reversed. The article seems to address an overall situation in LTRs where women end up leaving men.


How ridiculous. Are you perhaps putting words in my mouth for me that weren't there? I don't think you're listening ;-)
I'm a woman, so my only experience is as a woman. 
I know of plenty of men who don't get listened to, but they're other people's husbands so naturally I would never have a discussion with them about that. I'm single!
Because I'm not a man, I don't care one whit about a man's problems in choosing a mate who doesn't listen to him, except theoretically. I'm only interested in finding one man who will listen. 
It's not like I'm unilaterally aligned with women, sometimes when I hear married women I know complain about their husbands, I think unkind thoughts about them, like they should work if they want that stuff they asked for they were told wasn't okay to get, or when they admire my pedicure I think to myself, if you weren't so obsessed with cleaning and decorating your house for a man who has other priorities, you'd have time to do your toes too. Those are just humorous examples. I'll keep the rest of my unkind thoughts about woman who complain about their husbands to myself. Their marriage is their business, and they're likeable women, just glad I'm not married to them when they get that way.

I only complained my husbands weren't listening to me when I told them to stop kicking me. 
Then I left, and I didn't have to worry about it any more. 
Now I just don't put up with being less than human at all. I know how I treat my friends, and if I have a boyfriend or husband, then I expect to be treated the same way I treat him. When we don't have time to listen in our house, we just say, I'm busy now, let's talk at the next meal (or some other time). And if there is a concern, we take it seriously regardless of what it is.


----------



## RandomDude

Erm guys... ex-wife is very obviously testing the waters now, unless my instincts have gone out of whack - or my ego is in need of deflating (it always does). Or maybe she's just bored and decided to play a game. I don't know... whatever it is, she's been making me rather uncomfortably awkward this xmas, one that we are celebrating as a "family", awkward as in... pushing the friend barrier a little too much on the touchy feely suggestive side. She made it clear she's not interested in reconciliation so none of this makes sense.

Or maybe I am seeing things, like, maybe it's because of my daughter hence all the touchy huggy family love this xmas? Yeah that must be it. Meh, I'm just going to feign ignorance and push through this. Merry xmas regardless guys.


----------



## gouge_away

Stay vertical my friend, because once you lay down its hard to get back up.

Women get frisky around the holidays.


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## TooNice

Hey all. I've been following the thread, but haven't jumped in recently for a variety of reasons. 

Today, however, I want to stop in to wish you all a Merry Christmas and blessings for whatever you may (or may not!) be celebrating today. This is my second holiday on my own. While I am in a better place in so many ways, it's still hard. 

This place continues to be a source of inspiration, support and so much more for me, and I'm grateful to each of you!


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## TheGoodGuy

Merry Christmas all!

This is my 3rd as a single person. It does get easier over time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Merry Christmas all!
> 
> This is my 3rd as a single person. It does get easier over time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree--also my 3rd alone. It does indeed get better, and each year I find more to be grateful for.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Erm guys... ex-wife is very obviously testing the waters now, unless my instincts have gone out of whack - or my ego is in need of deflating (it always does). Or maybe she's just bored and decided to play a game. I don't know... whatever it is, she's been making me rather uncomfortably awkward this xmas, one that we are celebrating as a "family", awkward as in... pushing the friend barrier a little too much on the touchy feely suggestive side. She made it clear she's not interested in reconciliation so none of this makes sense.
> 
> Or maybe I am seeing things, like, maybe it's because of my daughter hence all the touchy huggy family love this xmas? Yeah that must be it. Meh, I'm just going to feign ignorance and push through this. Merry xmas regardless guys.


Talk to her about it. Tell her it's making you uncomfortable, and it's giving daughter false hopes about reconciliation.


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## RandomDude

Maybe...

But by confronting her I'll be putting myself in a position where I can be accused of trying to ruin xmas, our friendship and our daughter's happiness. Besides I'm at my busiest in this period and I can't afford further awkwardness =/ And by the time peak season is over chances are we'll both forget about it, unless she continues... then yeah ok, I'll confront her then

I dunno 
Doesn't help that I've been celibate for a while now, her touch is triggering my mating instincts that have been consciously put in lockdown.


----------



## RandomDude

And once again... I'm such a chicken sh-t, I jumped at the sight of a huntsman spider and had to rely on my little girl who's not arachnophobic to take it outside alive for poor scared daddy...

She handles them with her HANDS! WTF?! When my daughter's not around I'm still too freaked out by them and despite attempts at capturing them with brooms I end up injuring them by accidently squishing their legs and end up having to kill many of them out of mercy 

-1 man point for RD
+1 man point for little cuteness

Bah! The shame 
There needs to be therapy for this, I'm SICK of it. If my daughter can do it, I have to right? Otherwise I'm just undermining my own example.


----------



## gouge_away

8 legs, were cool, hang out in my room, that's fine, just stay off me, or you die.

9+ legs, I freak, you wouldn't believe how much I freak out.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> And once again... I'm such a chicken sh-t, I jumped at the sight of a huntsman spider and had to rely on my little girl who's not arachnophobic to take it outside alive for poor scared daddy...
> 
> *She handles them with her HANDS! WTF?!* When my daughter's not around I'm still too freaked out by them and despite attempts at capturing them with brooms I end up injuring them by accidently squishing their legs and end up having to kill many of them out of mercy
> 
> -1 man point for RD
> +1 man point for little cuteness
> 
> Bah! The shame
> There needs to be therapy for this, I'm SICK of it. If my daughter can do it, I have to right? Otherwise I'm just undermining my own example.


Haha!! My daughter is like this with snakes!

Maybe try this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_xrTtjpCpE


----------



## RandomDude

I've worked on my fear for a long time, bought toy spiders and scared the sh-t outta myself until I got used to the sight of one, but I can't fight my instinct to flick/brush/remove a spider on my skin. It's this twitch instinct that forces me to kill them whenever they make a sudden move - makes capturing them alive difficult for me. Maybe I need to get restrained by someone and have a spider crawl all over me, actually a little spider doesn't trigger the fear, but a huntsman will! They are HUGE!

The last huntsman I killed I felt real remorse for, no threatening posture, I struck without warning... felt like sh-t, especially after I've seen how friendly these creatures really are. My daughter plays with them (probably why they keep coming into my blasted apartment cause she keeps making friends with them!)

I had to wake up my little girl in the middle of the night to take the spider out 
Have to admit it does make me feel kinda pathetic, big daddy wakes up little girl because he's scared of spiders...

I taught her about the venomous spiders but she doesn't seem to fear them, which makes me worried too in case she decides to ignore daddy and tries handling a funnel web or something.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> I had to wake up my little girl in the middle of the night to take the spider out
> Have to admit it does make me feel kinda pathetic, big daddy wakes up little girl because he's scared of spiders...


Or you're empowering her (and complimenting her) to be a strong, brave young woman .


----------



## RandomDude

I still feel like crap 

Besides I have to set an example of a man no? Kinda hard to feel like one now though, ego's gone. Stupid spider...


----------



## Lone Shadow

I can't blame you there RD. The only good spider is a dead spider.


FIP & HNU- I'm not going to repeat that story here. It isn't really worth repeating.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Don't know whether to post this here or my thread, but wanted to get input from the gang. YG and I are still messaging fairly frequently, and some of it is serious, some flirty (that's fun..). But it seems to come in waves. 2 months ago she ended a 3 year relationship, so I know things are still raw for her. We are going slowly and getting to know each other. Lunch scheduled for Tuesday. 

I spent most of the weekend with my family, and I found myself thinking of her a lot. Laughed at something she sent me and my sisters asked "just what the hell are you beaming about?" So I showed them some of her FB pics and they're all very eager about someone positive in my life. 

So how to handle this? Continue dating her while she moves on from her ex? Break it off for now and reconnect later on? They're still friends on FB so I don't know what's up with that. (God I sound like a damn teenager.). Overall she's been very honest and forthcoming as we learn about each other..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TheGoodGuy said:


> Don't know whether to post this here or my thread, but wanted to get input from the gang. YG and I are still messaging fairly frequently, and some of it is serious, some flirty (that's fun..). But it seems to come in waves. 2 months ago she ended a 3 year relationship, so I know things are still raw for her. We are going slowly and getting to know each other. Lunch scheduled for Tuesday.
> 
> I spent most of the weekend with my family, and I found myself thinking of her a lot. Laughed at something she sent me and my sisters asked "just what the hell are you beaming about?" So I showed them some of her FB pics and they're all very eager about someone positive in my life.
> 
> So how to handle this? Continue dating her while she moves on from her ex? Break it off for now and reconnect later on? They're still friends on FB so I don't know what's up with that. (God I sound like a damn teenager.). Overall she's been very honest and forthcoming as we learn about each other..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My opinion? She's not ready and you'll get hurt.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> Don't know whether to post this here or my thread, but wanted to get input from the gang. YG and I are still messaging fairly frequently, and some of it is serious, some flirty (that's fun..). But it seems to come in waves. 2 months ago she ended a 3 year relationship, so I know things are still raw for her. We are going slowly and getting to know each other. Lunch scheduled for Tuesday.
> 
> I spent most of the weekend with my family, and I found myself thinking of her a lot. Laughed at something she sent me and my sisters asked "just what the hell are you beaming about?" So I showed them some of her FB pics and they're all very eager about someone positive in my life.
> 
> So how to handle this? Continue dating her while she moves on from her ex? Break it off for now and reconnect later on? They're still friends on FB so I don't know what's up with that. (God I sound like a damn teenager.). Overall she's been very honest and forthcoming as we learn about each other..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you like her and feel there is potential there, I would say to keep dating. Everyone moves on differently, so give her a chance. But just be aware and keep your eyes open and your wits about you. Pay attention to any warning signs that she isnt dealing well, or is starting back up with the ex.


----------



## MoUnit

So, this feels strange for me. I have been following this thread for a while now. I started at the beginning and felt like I knew some of the people just by reading what they had to say. I am separated for 7 months (this is the 4th time he has left me). Finally found my balls and know this is it. I am going to be single for the first time in over 20 years. I have so enjoyed listening to your trials and tributes, so thought I would join the crowd.:smile2:


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## tripad

merry christmas to all

hate to sound like depressed angry ***** .

but my ex used my car , the family car that he refused to give to me for the sake of the children but which he made me buy over , and I did . I let him use it on access day for ferrying the kids around while i go onto the bus . 

On boxing day , he took my car , used my petrol , to fetch his parents ( who cheated my money ) and sister and the nieces of another sister ( who cheated most of my money ) , from the airport !!!! Then he brought them back for a BBQ with expensive crabs . He should have the decency not to use my car which he made me buy over to fetch his family who cheated me a lot of my money !!!! And to know that he didnt pay me my child support money for two months , even though it is peanuts honestly ( as he got himself fired before the divorce hearing , hence I got peanuts for child support ) . I had not harassed him for the child support thinking he is out of a job and may be tight on money . But to discover he paid air flights for 5 and a fancy BBQ and probably more shopping and eating thereafter pissed me off . All these while cheating me of my child support . What kind of man does that ??? What kind of father does that ????

He invited a man and a woman over too and I wonder if he is trying to impress the woman what a holy nice family he has . I was conned that way and after I am hooked , God , the cheating of my money starts . I pity that woman .

To add salt on injury , the two nieces have an ipad each while my kids have none . My children complained how sore they are that the mother of those children cheated my money and they had not one ipad but TWO while my own kids had none . my ex even told my children to hide the ipad facts from me and taught them that less things to tell me and I have less to talk about !!!!!!!!

I had to text him to use his dumb brains to think if the children would do what he says when they feel the sore and pain of knowing that their mother had been cheated and hence we all live prudently so to build up my finances again and then to witness the cheater's children having two ipad . In fact , the initial 1-2 years I was cheated of my everything , and then with expensive divorce fees and the withdrawal of any peanut finances from him , I was in sh** finances , wondering how to keep up with my bills , i was in the red for a while.

I was so pissed that a man could do that to his own children . My children were so sore and pissed and said they will not need to see him extra for the rest of the holidays and that they only used him during access visits to exploit him for nice food and toys and whatever .

The only good news is that my work has since blossomed after I got over all the sh!t while he is out of a job .


----------



## vi_bride04

TheGoodGuy said:


> So how to handle this? Continue dating her while she moves on from her ex? Break it off for now and reconnect later on? They're still friends on FB so I don't know what's up with that. (God I sound like a damn teenager.). Overall she's been very honest and forthcoming as we learn about each other..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's not over her ex and you will just get hurt if you develop feelings. So date if you want, hang out, bang, whatever, just know she is not ready for anything serious. You should date others as well to not get caught up on someone who's not ready for anything other than friends/fwb. Been there done that and it's not fun.


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> merry christmas to all
> 
> hate to sound like depressed angry ***** .
> 
> but my ex used my car , the family car that he refused to give to me for the sake of the children but which he made me buy over , and I did . I let him use it on access day for ferrying the kids around while i go onto the bus .
> 
> On boxing day , he took my car , used my petrol , to fetch his parents ( who cheated my money ) and sister and the nieces of another sister ( who cheated most of my money ) , from the airport !!!! Then he brought them back for a BBQ with expensive crabs . He should have the decency not to use my car which he made me buy over to fetch his family who cheated me a lot of my money !!!! And to know that he didnt pay me my child support money for two months , even though it is peanuts honestly ( as he got himself fired before the divorce hearing , hence I got peanuts for child support ) . I had not harassed him for the child support thinking he is out of a job and may be tight on money . But to discover he paid air flights for 5 and a fancy BBQ and probably more shopping and eating thereafter pissed me off . All these while cheating me of my child support . What kind of man does that ??? What kind of father does that ????
> 
> He invited a man and a woman over too and I wonder if he is trying to impress the woman what a holy nice family he has . I was conned that way and after I am hooked , God , the cheating of my money starts . I pity that woman .
> 
> To add salt on injury , the two nieces have an ipad each while my kids have none . My children complained how sore they are that the mother of those children cheated my money and they had not one ipad but TWO while my own kids had none . my ex even told my children to hide the ipad facts from me and taught them that less things to tell me and I have less to talk about !!!!!!!!
> 
> I had to text him to use his dumb brains to think if the children would do what he says when they feel the sore and pain of knowing that their mother had been cheated and hence we all live prudently so to build up my finances again and then to witness the cheater's children having two ipad . In fact , the initial 1-2 years I was cheated of my everything , and then with expensive divorce fees and the withdrawal of any peanut finances from him , I was in sh** finances , wondering how to keep up with my bills , i was in the red for a while.
> 
> I was so pissed that a man could do that to his own children . My children were so sore and pissed and said they will not need to see him extra for the rest of the holidays and that they only used him during access visits to exploit him for nice food and toys and whatever .


And now you know to no longer do anything nice for that man.

You shouldn't have let him use the car, it's not like his behavior is going to drastically change. He used you in the marriage and will continue to use you after. Don't let him. Say no next time.


----------



## tripad

Car was for sake of my children .

Not him .

Told my kids i am not going to let him have the car but my kids said they suffer along with him too .


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> But to discover he paid air flights for 5 and a fancy BBQ and probably more shopping and eating thereafter pissed me off . All these while cheating me of my child support . What kind of man does that ??? What kind of father does that ????
> 
> He invited a man and a woman over too and I wonder if he is trying to impress the woman what a holy nice family he has . I was conned that way and after I am hooked , God , the cheating of my money starts . I pity that woman .
> 
> To add salt on injury , the two nieces have an ipad each while my kids have none . My children complained how sore they are that the mother of those children cheated my money and they had not one ipad but TWO while my own kids had none . my ex even told my children to hide the ipad facts from me and taught them that less things to tell me and I have less to talk about !!!!!!!!
> 
> I had to text him to use his dumb brains to think if the children would do what he says when they feel the sore and pain of knowing that their mother had been cheated and hence we all live prudently so to build up my finances again and then to witness the cheater's children having two ipad . In fact , the initial 1-2 years I was cheated of my everything , and then with expensive divorce fees and the withdrawal of any peanut finances from him , I was in sh** finances , wondering how to keep up with my bills , i was in the red for a while.


When you lend your car to someone, always ask what he needs it for, unless you did - and he lied. Remember, your vehicle, your responsibility.

Also, enough is enough, you need to be firm. You shouldn't need anymore lessons on how manipulative many people can be. You are too trusting, and this may cost you your business too if you are not careful. I've seen enough promising new ventures close down or run into the ground because of misplaced trust.

I was fortunate to have learnt the lesson very early in life that it's never about who you trust, but what you trust them to do. When someone has the opportunity to gain the upper hand without any consequences they will seize it. So either you ensure that there will be consequences, or expect more daggers in your back.

Your ex has proven himself very reliable in cheating you, yet you continue to help him? Enough is enough tripad. The capitalist world is cutthroat at its core, to this day I see no difference in morality in people from both my past in a crime and the legitimate life I live today. You need to be aware that most people are only out for themselves, and be wiser for the sake of your family.



> I was so pissed that a man could do that to his own children . My children were so sore and pissed and said they will not need to see him extra for the rest of the holidays and that they only used him during access visits to exploit him for nice food and toys and whatever .


You should not encourage this behavior, they are obviously emulating and inheriting your ex's worst traits. Do NOT encourage this. However, in turn, you should also not poison them against their father. This is a VERY tricky one, and I do not envy you.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

tripad said:


> Car was for sake of my children .
> 
> Not him .
> 
> Told my kids i am not going to let him have the car but my kids said they suffer along with him too .


He can obviously afford a car of his own to ferry the children around. Tell the children that it's his choice not to buy one, and shrug.

You have no control over his actions. But you can control whether you loan him your car or not.

Also, don't let the children get into the habit of being able to manipulate you through guilt. That way lies disaster!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> When you lend your car to someone, always ask what he needs it for, unless you did - and he lied. Remember, your vehicle, your responsibility.
> 
> It was given at every access to ferry my kids for class and for trips . for my children's comfort .
> 
> Also, enough is enough, you need to be firm. You shouldn't need anymore lessons on how manipulative many people can be. You are too trusting, and this may cost you your business too if you are not careful. I've seen enough promising new ventures close down or run into the ground because of misplaced trust.
> 
> I am not a trusting person . Learn from young too in a poor environment . Learn again when I started work and was burnt a few times . I have assh0les for relatives and siblings , who curse me when they cant get a cent from me . Colleagues too .
> 
> I was fortunate to have learnt the lesson very early in life that it's never about who you trust, but what you trust them to do. When someone has the opportunity to gain the upper hand without any consequences they will seize it. So either you ensure that there will be consequences, or expect more daggers in your back.
> 
> Your ex has proven himself very reliable in cheating you, yet you continue to help him?
> 
> Didnt help him anymore . Maybe you misread . In early days of divorce , he asked for me to pay another of his debts but I refused . He cursed me that I am evil to the core and called me the worst names .
> 
> Enough is enough tripad. The capitalist world is cutthroat at its core, to this day I see no difference in morality in people from both my past in a crime and the legitimate life I live today. You need to be aware that most people are only out for themselves, and be wiser for the sake of your family.
> 
> My soft spot was my family so I helped him while in marriage . Now he is nobody to me . His problems are his alone .
> 
> However , my soft spot are my kids and he will try to use that on me . He did , to make me feel guilty about the divorce and to " beg for him to come back " but it failed .
> 
> You should not encourage this behavior, they are obviously emulating and inheriting your ex's worst traits. Do NOT encourage this. However, in turn, you should also not poison them against their father. This is a VERY tricky one, and I do not envy you.


That is a tough one . What to tell kids ? Love your dad ? and risk them getting used and cheated by the father in future ? Two counsellors said that the possibility is high that the father will repeat the history , what is done to him , and what he did to me . Both counsellors said it is wise to teach the kids how to protect themselves from being financially abused by the father .

poison ? that is tricky . I do speak the truth and I dont hide facts anymore . My kids are 9 and 11 and they are smart kids who are aware of everything that had happened . 

Just two nights ago , I was shocked when they told me they knew that the father hit me when we quarrelled from long ago . They hid behind the doors and heard and saw everything . I had hidden this from them for years , all those times trying to settle debts and quarrelling with him to stop the debts from his family and to help pay bills . So they knew . It explains why they were never welcoming the dad home and I was ordered to tell the kids to welcome him home after work .

It is not a good trait to exploit another . But the father exploited me and the kids are doing to him . So how do I align this ????? No , they are not like this to others . They are nice boys to their friends with fair and just treatment . They are lovely and considerate to me .


----------



## tripad

Hopeful Cynic said:


> He can obviously afford a car of his own to ferry the children around. Tell the children that it's his choice not to buy one, and shrug.
> 
> You have no control over his actions. But you can control whether you loan him your car or not.
> 
> Also, don't let the children get into the habit of being able to manipulate you through guilt. That way lies disaster!


frankly i dont think he can afford a car . the fool parts with the money , no matter how much is cheated .

Kids didnt manipulate me , just said it is tough without the car for them . They had a car since birth , didnt grow up poor like me .

The guilt was my own doing . cant bear for my kids to suffer .


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## unsure78

Welcome Mo... its always a party, feel free to add your fun dating stories to the mix


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## 3Xnocharm

tripad said:


> [ Just two nights ago , I was shocked when they told me they knew that the father hit me when we quarrelled from long ago . They hid behind the doors and heard and saw everything . I had hidden this from them for years , all those times trying to settle debts and quarrelling with him to stop the debts from his family and to help pay bills . So they knew . It explains why they were never welcoming the dad home and I was ordered to tell the kids to welcome him home after work .


OF COURSE they knew! I never can understand why parents assume their kids are deaf dumb and blind when it comes to what is going on in their own house.


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## tripad

It's called no choice n hope they didn't know

My ex wanted to bring the fight in front of the kids he said so that I would stop

So he got what he wanted 

N kids dislike him 

His choice . His grave he dugs .

Told him to go to room in far end . Told him to stop all the nonsense .

Anyway it is over .


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## vi_bride04

I saw my mom be physically abused by my dad when I was 11 and at a younger age before I can remember...(so i was told)

I now forever have trust issues with men yet stay time after time that I'm betrayed cuz of what I saw my mom deal with. What I tell myself is "at least they aren't beating you". I rationalize how I'm being treated cuz it's not as " bad " as what my mom put up with.

I'm 35 years old. It really sucks having this mentality for every relationship I've been in. It's only been recently that I have recognized where my relationship issues come from. I plan to go to therapy for it cuz it is that deep of an issue. 

I hope your kids are able to deal with what they saw in a healthy manner without as many side effects that I have.


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## TooNice

Tripad, have your kids been in therapy at all during this whole process? Every situation is different, but it sounds to me like they are still very young to know what they know. As for whether you should tell them to love their dad, no, I don't think we should ever tell our kids that. But we can show them how to respect someone who doesn't deserve it through our actions. At least until they are old enough to make their own decisions. My son is a grown man and I still won't disrespect his father in his presence. Despite the fact that he verbally and emotionally abused me while we were together. My son saw that, but he also sees me being the bigger person now. 

I am very very sorry that your children have had to witness that kind of behavior. They are lucky to have a mom who is a strong role model and doing all she can to provide for them!


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## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> I saw my mom be physically abused by my dad when I was 11 and at a younger age before I can remember...(so i was told)
> 
> I now forever have trust issues with men yet stay time after time that I'm betrayed cuz of what I saw my mom deal with. What I tell myself is "at least they aren't beating you". I rationalize how I'm being treated cuz it's not as " bad " as what my mom put up with.
> 
> I'm 35 years old. It really sucks having this mentality for every relationship I've been in. It's only been recently that I have recognized where my relationship issues come from. I plan to go to therapy for it cuz it is that deep of an issue.
> 
> I hope your kids are able to deal with what they saw in a healthy manner without as many side effects that I have.



When my ex finally hit me in front of my kids openly , once , and I divorced him . And did the talk with my kids , divorce is the result of abuse , for them not to do to a woman , and not fora woman unto them . And explain the financial abuse that I was trying to wait for them to grow up the early years with a father and the hope that the father will change . Hope that will help them to prevent any damage .

I know , sad for you , but worse is a mother's fear that the children will suffer in any way .


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## TooNice

On an unrelated note, I did a very big thing tonight. I blocked the OW on social media. I had been holding off, using the excuse that I needed to have that source of information in case they went and got engaged or something stupid. (My ex has not been very good about talking to our son about major life events with this woman.)

But that was an excuse, and only causing me pain. So, today I saw that she and my son are now friends... and I immediately blocked her without a thought. 

It may or may not seem like a big deal, but for me, it was a huge step.


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## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> When my ex finally hit me in front of my kids openly , once , and I divorced him . And did the talk with my kids , divorce is the result of abuse , for them not to do to a woman , and not fora woman unto them . And explain the financial abuse that I was trying to wait for them to grow up the early years with a father and the hope that the father will change . Hope that will help them to prevent any damage .
> 
> I know , sad for you , but worse is a mother's fear that the children will suffer in any way .


I wish I would have seen my mom be that strong. She stayed and still struggled with her decision to leave at the end.


----------



## vi_bride04

TooNice said:


> On an unrelated note, I did a very big thing tonight. I blocked the OW on social media. I had been holding off, using the excuse that I needed to have that source of information in case they went and got engaged or something stupid. (My ex has not been very good about talking to our son about major life events with this woman.)
> 
> But that was an excuse, and only causing me pain. So, today I saw that she and my son are now friends... and I immediately blocked her without a thought.
> 
> It may or may not seem like a big deal, but for me, it was a huge step.


Huge deal. Be proud of yourself.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> Tripad, have your kids been in therapy at all during this whole process? Every situation is different, but it sounds to me like they are still very young to know what they know. As for whether you should tell them to love their dad, no, I don't think we should ever tell our kids that. But we can show them how to respect someone who doesn't deserve it through our actions. At least until they are old enough to make their own decisions. My son is a grown man and I still won't disrespect his father in his presence. Despite the fact that he verbally and emotionally abused me while we were together. My son saw that, but he also sees me being the bigger person now.
> 
> I am very very sorry that your children have had to witness that kind of behavior. They are lucky to have a mom who is a strong role model and doing all she can to provide for them!


Yup , you know , I am working hard to be the bigger person . Reminding myself all the time . Not easy , isn't it ?

The only thing big about me is that I told my children ( they asked me why did I repeatedly let the dad cheat me ) that they were young and I wanted them to have a father and money is not as important as they are and their developmental years . That I could earn back the money , but I could not buy back the their years growing up without a father . That is till he hit me infront of the kids , when I refused to pay and gave him an ultimatum to correct , to support the family and to cut off his leeching parents and sister .

My kids are not seeing a therapist . I asked and they said they are fine , written him off , and " to move forward without being stuck in the past " .


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## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> Huge deal. Be proud of yourself.


:x

Proud of you


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## RandomDude

tripad said:


> That is a tough one . What to tell kids ? Love your dad ? and risk them getting used and cheated by the father in future ? Two counsellors said that the possibility is high that the father will repeat the history , what is done to him , and what he did to me . Both counsellors said it is wise to teach the kids how to protect themselves from being financially abused by the father .
> 
> poison ? that is tricky . I do speak the truth and I dont hide facts anymore . My kids are 9 and 11 and they are smart kids who are aware of everything that had happened .
> 
> Just two nights ago , I was shocked when they told me they knew that the father hit me when we quarrelled from long ago . They hid behind the doors and heard and saw everything . I had hidden this from them for years , all those times trying to settle debts and quarrelling with him to stop the debts from his family and to help pay bills . So they knew . It explains why they were never welcoming the dad home and I was ordered to tell the kids to welcome him home after work .
> 
> It is not a good trait to exploit another . But the father exploited me and the kids are doing to him . So how do I align this ????? No , they are not like this to others . They are nice boys to their friends with fair and just treatment . They are lovely and considerate to me .


Well, as I said it's tricky. My mother poisoned me against my father, when he was always willing to help after I was left on my own. After I ran into problems with the law, he was the one who bailed me, and sponsored me out of the city for a new life. I cut him off, and that was bad for all of us, and it began with the poisoning. So I'm very sensitive to this.

I guess I'm quite lucky my ex is still a respectable human being. Wouldn't trust her with my daughter otherwise. Speaking of ex... well... I don't know what to do with her at the moment, she's confusing me with her intentions.


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## tripad

Yup if my ex is respectable , I would rather my kids have a dad n a mum .

He cheated n lied even in divorce . The money he owed me , he lied that I spend it , that it was my debt that I transferred to him . blah blah blah . 

Now he cheats on child support . When I harass him , he threatens to report me for harassment . Now that I have no feelings and am pissed , I told him I will send him to jail for not paying child support in one week . 
Poison ? I don't know how to draw a clear line . If he's despicable as such , I have to prepare my children . When I state the facts , and it's an ugly fact , it sounds like poison .

Me : Like , look kids , this house is getting old and we need to move to a smaller place .

Kids : Why can't we have the same place n renovate it like the neighbors .

Me : hmmm bcoz my savings is all gone n I work hard n I have to pay for legal fees n bills which is mounting 

Kids : why court fees not finished yet 

Me : bcoz your dad lied about things n there's a court debate and he has not send child support . we have to be careful what I spend on . n I definitely can't afford this same house renovated . 

Kids : what did he lie about 

Kids : why are my classes canceled ?


Blah blah blah

Speak the truth n it's ugly truth . so it's poison .


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## tripad

Rd 

Your ex

Hard to say . don't know your background story .

But it seems you have respect for her. 

Ask her , but she won't say it to you . A woman prefers the man to ask . 

If she's frisky , maybe it is a hint to you . 

I definitely won't be frisky to my ex .


----------



## RandomDude

=/



> Me : Like , look kids , this house is getting old and we need to move to a smaller place .
> 
> Kids : Why can't we have the same place n renovate it like the neighbors .
> 
> Me : hmmm bcoz my savings is all gone n I work hard n I have to pay for legal fees n bills which is mounting
> 
> Kids : why court fees not finished yet
> 
> *Me : bcoz your dad lied about things n there's a court debate and he has not send child support . we have to be careful what I spend on . n I definitely can't afford this same house renovated .*
> 
> Kids : what did he lie about
> 
> Kids : why are my classes canceled ?


I would stop there, at bolded. There's no need to give out the details, unless...

Tell me something, how is your ex as a father? Forget how he is was a husband/ how he is as an ex, tell me - how is he as a *father*?



> Rd
> Your ex
> Hard to say . don't know your background story .
> But it seems you have respect for her.
> Ask her , but she won't say it to you . A woman prefers the man to ask .
> If she's frisky , maybe it is a hint to you .
> I definitely won't be frisky to my ex .


Well I did reject her the last time she asked but she got me back when I asked so we're square... but because she rejected me I have no idea why she was being frisky. Maybe it was just the wine. I don't know, I'm keeping an eye on the consistency, she's not calling me or msging me unless it's about our daughter so nothing changed in that department. It's all very confusing.

But yeah, she has earned my respect and trust, in many things, but not all. We have a good working dynamic now, something we've worked on since seperation. If we had such a dynamic during marriage, things wouldn't have turned out the way it did. So we have wised up from it, but I'm not certain that if we even dared to try (assuming she's even interested) reconciliation, if things would just go back to the way it was, or if it would be like what we have now - but more.

:scratchhead:

Bah I dunno, I'll keep observing for now. Not so sure I even want a relationship either, ex or new lady... meh, kinda got used to single life. One thing though, ex is the only woman I trust isn't going to be interested in me for money.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> 
> 
> I would stop there, at bolded. There's no need to give out the details, unless...
> 
> Tell me something, how is your ex as a father? Forget how he is was a husband/ how he is as an ex, tell me - how is he as a *father*?
> 
> 
> 
> Well I did reject her the last time she asked but she got me back when I asked so we're square... but because she rejected me I have no idea why she was being frisky. Maybe it was just the wine. I don't know, I'm keeping an eye on the consistency, she's not calling me or msging me unless it's about our daughter so nothing changed in that department. It's all very confusing.
> 
> But yeah, she has earned my respect and trust, in many things, but not all. We have a good working dynamic now, something we've worked on since seperation. If we had such a dynamic during marriage, things wouldn't have turned out the way it did. So we have wised up from it, but I'm not certain that if we even dared to try (assuming she's even interested) reconciliation, if things would just go back to the way it was, or if it would be like what we have now - but more.
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> Bah I dunno, I'll keep observing for now. Not so sure I even want a relationship either, ex or new lady... meh, kinda got used to single life. One thing though, ex is the only woman I trust isn't going to be interested in me for money.


As a father , hmmmmm , let's see , when I gave birth , as I was wheeled into op room , he told me he is hungry and going to eat and will be back when i am out . i was shock but I couldnt pay attention anymore . I was expecting him to wait outside to receive the baby .

He was happy to see the baby but he doesnt do the job for the baby after the initial excitement is over . He doesnt ask , plan , decides , nor discuss about the children's school , music , class or anything . He doesn't teach them to cycle or play games . I did . I taught them bike , badminton , chess . My neighbours little kids all proudly announced 'daddy taught me to cycle or something else' if you ask . But my ex told his friends he taught the children to bike . Once , I corrected him and his friends were shocked and he smiled embarrassingly . After that , he gave me the silent treatment . 

I taught the kids read , write and school work . He just comes home late , eat alone , watches tv or as I found out later , beer and porn in his room and later in the bathroom when I clammed down on the almost daily beer . He timed himself to finish his activity in time to go to bed with the kids and just hopped into bed .

Sunday , he wakes up early to bike with friends . i am ok but the bike session used to end at 10-11 and he will be home for lunch . Then after having the kids , the bike session ends after lunch . Then he is back , stays in his little private study room to do his work and I used to wonder why does he have so much work daily . Later I found out he was watching his own movies or porn . After which , he will fake a walk in the hall , faking a presentation speech . All this I realised after things went very wrong and my house maid told me after the divorce started . 

Then he will arrange another swim activity with his friend in late afternoon . then home for dinner and toilet beer and in time to hop into bed . If he does do an activity with the children , he will declared and claimed credit , like "I am the only father in the pool playing with my children" , or "look at that dad just sitting around doing nothing" , etc .

Once , my son , 3 years asked "daddy daddy dont go with friend take me swimming" and he slap hard on his butt and told my son to keep quiet . I put up a fight with him that night and declared sunday a family day and he turned around and accused me of being a controlling ***** who deprived him of all the things he loved .I talked about planning and time management , cant get through the skull .

His friend asked to come over for a tennis game for his son using our tennis court and i served food and my ex asked the other dad how he spents his Sunday . The other dad said " morning church with family , lunch with family , afternoon , tennis with son , mum shop with girl , evening family dinner with friends or relatives or just home ". Thought he will see light and told him , that should be it , and he accused me of wanting him as my husband and affair .

He send my son for rugby and lied to coach he plays with my son all the time and other stuff . The coach told me one day wow your husband is great , he does this and that with your son . I go , what , no . 

I asked him to read a book while i am busy with the other boy and he will flip the page or lie down to read despite my repeated warning not to lie and read with the children as it will ruin the eyesight . He reads the first few and last pages and skips the middle and my son will protest and I have to take over bother boys . He happily lie in bed and just say stupid stuff like cmon man the bed is so cool .

He likes to swing my son holding his palms and I said it may dislodged his wrist bones and he brushed me off . I have to asked the doctor for a confirmation and the doctor told my husband he should not and he gets pissed with me .

After beer and tipsy , he comes out for dinner and scold my children with a literally **** face with a scrowl and said i want my channel now and the kids will whine to me .

Bath and brushing the teeth for the kids is badly done . He probably washed his bike better than he washed the kids . It is soap and spray till my sons' anus was dirty and rashes grew and it was painful . I was worried of sexual violations and the doctor was puzzled and concerned as well . After much questioning , I discover that my ex just spray them standing up , so the anus was not cleaned properly thus it was infected . 

In short , in my sons' words , they dont missed him as he did nothing with them at all , as he is always in is little study room doing his own stuff .

All major decisions about anything , he will claimed not to know anything and he leaves it to me .


----------



## tripad

However , to add , in public , as in if we are with friends or in party , he is the attentive father , plays with sons , serves the son . once , the son vomitted , I was the cool one , just clean n fine , son , no worries you ate too much ice cream . And I remember this because a friend commented , wow your hubby is so worried and concerned . And I was puzzled . Yeah , he acts all worried and concerned like it is a major illness . I recalled I was puzzled .

This is not the only time . Always the case .

Same for me as well . In public , he acts like the sweetest husband and declared it that way , and honestly , i dont speak badly about my own husband in public . So i smiled and agreed .

Like I teared upon the repeated injection during child birth and he will say thins like "I will take this needle for you if I could " infront of the nurse and doctor and they will comment "wow , what a great husband you had ". 

My confusion is that he talks like an ******* at home . The only time nice was to explain a debt or to ask for money .

Thus the counsellor said he has personality disorder , diagnosis to be determined by a professional . Or he has an occultic family n teachings , like abuse and use outsiders and if I dont agree to slavery , I betrayed them .


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## tripad

Strangely , on a side note , the in laws turn weirder after my childbirth , almost instantly the moment after I came home from the hospital . I never figure out why . Before the hospital , was all smiles . After the hospital , they started abusing me almost instantly .

Like I needed food and asked her to cook for me. She did and then later my ex came home , angry with me , and woke me up from my sleep and asked me to apologise to his mum for the burn on her hand . I was totally confused . I was nursing the baby , ate and sleep . So later I understood that she cooked and burnt herself . 

many other examples .

Many possible reasons . One , the in laws wanted to name my kids or for their pastor to name the kids . I refused . Two , I had a son while their daughter had a daughter around the same time . These people are crazy over wanting sons , not gals . Three , during and after pregnancy , I didnt work as much and income drop and yet expenses went up and I am less "financially useful " and husband paid more and has less for them ?

How to know how crazy dudes think ? can only guess .


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> 
> Bah I dunno, I'll keep observing for now. Not so sure I even want a relationship either, ex or new lady... meh, kinda got used to single life. One thing though, ex is the only woman I trust isn't going to be interested in me for money.


that is the problem for me as well . 

How to trust another man it is not about money just like my ex .

i am not rich , no rich dad . Just that I work hard , smart and with a passion , and that attracts business and money . decent money decent life . But a loser and a cheat will be attracted nevertheless .

so well , maybe , your ex is the only choice you have . I dont have that choice . 

Doesnt seem like you and ex split for any major reasons at all .


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## RandomDude

Ok, from your perspective he seems pretty negligent to his children as well. How about post-divorce? I just hope you have truly considered his perspective too. Sometimes it is difficult to see the good in someone when one is still enraged/has a history, if you know what I mean. I do not wish to defend him, but I want you to make sure you are looking at this situation with a bird's eye view, considering all the angles, because to do any less, risks poisoning your children when there could be other solutions.

My father was also pretty crap as a dad during my very early years, but he did learn and progress in time, yet I was taught to hate everything about him, to blame everything on him. Yet in the end, cutting mum out of the picture, he turned out to be fine as a dad in my later years. What I really needed in my childhood, was the ability to draw my own conclusions, not conclusions clouded by one parent's hate of the other, you know what I'm saying?

But yeah, that's it from me. You know your situation best, I'm just trying to make sure you're not missing any details.



tripad said:


> that is the problem for me as well .
> 
> How to trust another man it is not about money just like my ex .
> 
> i am not rich , no rich dad . Just that I work hard , smart and with a passion , and that attracts business and money . decent money decent life . But a loser and a cheat will be attracted nevertheless .
> 
> so well , maybe , your ex is the only choice you have . I dont have that choice .
> 
> Doesnt seem like you and ex split for any major reasons at all .


We split because we were both very immature, hot-tempered, stubborn and selfish. I also focused on the symptons of our problems and not the causes, and by the time we began to make progress in repairing our marital dynamics the damage has been done.

Can't say my ex is the only choice I have, just the one that has actually earnt my respect/trust over the years, she was with me when I was poor earning merely ~25K annually, she married me, with that income and no education. She was a fool, but sometimes love is proven by foolish deeds. Despite everything too she was an honest and loyal wife , and she continues to be a great mother for my daughter, she had her moments in the past but so did I. If anything she just makes it difficult! High bar to reach for the ~25-30 yr old bimbos close to my age (ex is older by 3, maybe I should stick to older women)

But... she turned me down, asked me how it was going to work if we were to reconcile and she wasn't satisfied with my answer... but I know why she wasn't, and it's because of something that I still have not changed - my difficulty in being vulnerable. She made it so clear, so the friskiness must be just the alcohol. Meh... anyway, fk it.


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## tripad

RD

Post separation . He went worse , missing visitation for a few weeks , a few times , claiming work trips or whatever , no proof given . Once , without prior informing me , after I had left for work , so my housemaid and son scrambled by bus to his various activities without lunch and late . By the time I finished work and rushed to get my son , my boys and I had lunch at 4 pm ! I texted a barrage of hate text and he explained he is sick but I gathered from text and bills and photos I demanded him to send and I figured he had a party and he had a hangover and he was at a hotel lobby WTF ? 

Visitation and he is late 12 pm , when court says 9 am once a week . Just once a week and he cant be early ? 

In legal disputes , he fights for more visitation . and it is granted for school holidays season . And ? he didnt asked to see kids extra at all . Finally , closer to christmas , he wanted the extra visit and he shot a legal letter claiming I deprived him . In actual fact , he asked kids only once , and my kids didnt bother to reply him . That is all . makes me wonder why bother to fight for extra visit when he doesnt actually want it . To look good in court that you actually ask for it ?

he lost his job just before court hearing hence the child support is peanuts . No idea if it is karma , he lost his job , my business blooming . Or he purposely lost his job to avoid paying . nevertheless , now he short the child support . Texted him to chase and he tried to threaten me with legal letter of harrassment . I had to challenge him to bring it on since he is the one who is in debts and cant afford a legal fight and that failing to pay child support is a jailable offence and I had to tell him that I have no more feelings and I will not hesitate to send him to jail . Then he go oh yeah it is short and I will do it this week .

There were weeks that he was stable and visits regularly and tries to do right . but not often .

Let me tell you my guess about your parents . Dont blame your mum . What she said that is poison to your are probably all truths . But what you saw of your dad is an older man , who is probably remorseful of his past , trying to make good to you for that brief period , maybe even guilty to you and felt responsible if you turn wayward . But , you cut him off in anger is not wrong either , it is a consequence of their actions . 

I have seen many of such in my own family .

When I speak to my kids , what you call poison will inevitably happened . Like the incidents that happened above , I would be mad and cursing him . I am human . I cant remain calm and unreactive . I try . So when I teach my kids to be ready for the dad not to turn up . What I say will sound like poison . It will be hmmm your dad is not reliable so we must be prepared , so there will be plan A and Plan B ok .

So there poison .


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## tripad

To see the good in him .........tough ..... it comes with condition ....

Given the history , he was good and plays happy family when I earn and pay all . This he said to me when I wailed and asked what do you want , what are you doing to the family ? He said , in my face , shut the **** up about the money debt back from my family , continue like now you pay for this family and dont ask what I do with my money and my whereabouts . Then we can be family .My jaw dropped and told him so I can go **** other men and you dont ask what I do . 

He said he rather divorce me and leave this family and choose his family ( parents and sister ) over us . I didnt say he cant have his family , i wanted the debts paid and no more leeching , no more debts , and he supports the family , with help from me is fine . 

When i divorce him , he accuse me of breaking the family for the boys and asked if I am seriously divorcing because of his parents ? 

RD

hard to consider his perspective .

seriously , I think the counsellor is right , he needs a psychiatrist .

in fact , I wonder over the disappearing days of visitations , and the debts . The thought crossed my mind that he could have an affair and hence the debts and the disappearing visitations , freedom to disappear on his sons . Later , He could have been ditched by the OW since now he is in debt ( without me to pay his debts ) and rent a room , no car , legal bills , lost his job , so he cant provide the lifestyle and was ditched . So he tries to avoid the divorce by accusing me of breaking the family , calling my housemaid and said I looked good in court that day , sending me christmas gifts last year . But I had already drawn the curtains on our marriage .

I was worried about being accused of poisoning the dad one day and I kept all the letters and proof and emails , etc as proof what I said was the truth . Also , in case the ex turn around and accused me of poisoning him .

I think the kids are angry with him when they saw the physical abuse , hated him when the divorce happens , disappointed and let down when he didnt turn up for visitations , especially when he didnt informed us . I had to cancel my work and inorder to lift their spirits, took them out for some fun . They are not dumb even though I didnt say anything . They thanked me and they said they knew I did it for them to be happy bcoz they were upset the dad didnt turn up .


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## gouge_away

Anybody else's OLD profile blow up today? Nothing like being someone's plan B for new years.


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## RandomDude

Tripad, I believe you, what my mum also said about dad was also all true, but also only one perspective. No matter a parent's flaws children can not choose their parents Tripad, it's just how it is. I don't blame my mum as I know she is human, and I also know dad's remorse, but regardless of that, I could have avoided a very troubled teenage life if I was not raised to despise my father, and that is the simple fact. Eventually children will have to come to terms with their parents, they will have to learn that the world doesn't owe them anything, not their parents, and have to learn to take responsibility for their own lives and circumstances - the passage to adulthood. This is not made easier if one is taught to hate either of their parents, the whole blame game, it's simply not healthy and it took me years to overcome psychologically.

As I said you are in a tough situation, but I would still bite my tongue if I was you, let your kids determine their own truths, and even if they are completely justified in their anger towards one parent always remind them that despite everything, they only have one father, and one mother. There have been times when I was extremely pissed off at my ex-wife in regards to my daughter but based on my upbringing I simply did not want to drag our daughter into our little conflicts. What keeps me restraint is acknowledging the simple fact that one can't choose their parents. Ex-wife is the mother of my child, no way around it. I'm lucky she's not like your ex, but even if she was, I would be very distraught if I had to do what my mother did during my youth, which was poison, no matter how justified.

But I've said enough on this, the rest has to be decided by you, as I can only speak from experience and concerns. You are the one living it.


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## TooNice

Again, we all have our own approach, and like RD said, our own perspective. I know my situation is slightly different, since my son is grown. But I still feel like the honesty is not mine to dish out. He knows that his dad does not make time for him like he once did. He knows that his mom (who is pretty awesome) is dating with zero success while his dad is already (from his perspective) bringing someone to holiday gatherings - not to mention the fact that she is suddenly practically living with his dad. At the same time he also knows how much happier I am without the constant barrage of negativity directed at me. 

But when the OW was introduced to him, and he asked me how long his dad and I have been having troubles, my answer was that it was a question better asked of his dad. Which is true. Not my truth to tell. My son will figure it out one day, but he will also know that I always maintained respect for his dad. Even when he didn't deserve it. I mention things like "oh - your dad might want to see that movie with you", even though I know they likely won't, because I want to promote that time. I don't think it matters how young or how old they are; our kids always figure it out eventually. And I want my kid to know I always tried to take the high road. 

My battles with his dad do not have to be HIS battles with his dad.


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## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> Again, we all have our own approach, and like RD said, our own perspective. I know my situation is slightly different, since my son is grown. But I still feel like the honesty is not mine to dish out. He knows that his dad does not make time for him like he once did. He knows that his mom (who is pretty awesome) is dating with zero success while his dad is already (from his perspective) bringing someone to holiday gatherings - not to mention the fact that she is suddenly practically living with his dad. At the same time he also knows how much happier I am without the constant barrage of negativity directed at me.
> 
> But when the OW was introduced to him, and he asked me how long his dad and I have been having troubles, my answer was that it was a question better asked of his dad. Which is true. Not my truth to tell. My son will figure it out one day, but he will also know that I always maintained respect for his dad. Even when he didn't deserve it. I mention things like "oh - your dad might want to see that movie with you", even though I know they likely won't, because I want to promote that time. I don't think it matters how young or how old they are; our kids always figure it out eventually. *And I want my kid to know I always tried to take the high road.
> 
> My battles with his dad do not have to be HIS battles with his dad.*


Agreed, couldn't have said it better myself


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## unsure78

Totally agree with Too Nice and RD...

Tri I have been reading you for a while now and you are still filled with so much anger. My situation is not that much different than yours...

You cannot control his actions, you can only control your own. I understand your anger but the words of venom and hate back to him do nothing but keep the situation escalated. Focus on yourself and your children. He dosent show up for the kids? His loss, always make up back up arrangements if you have plans. The kids figure out really quick whats going on. He doesnt pay child support? That sucks but you, like me, sound like you have the means to financially care for you children without the small amount of money you receive from him. I look at that money as bonus if i get it great but dont depend on it.

Yes Tri, I also get angry at times for being left holding the responsibility while he gets to do what he chooses and pays what he wants. However ive found over that last 4 yrs that I have been divorced that you are better focusing that anger and contempt towards making your life what you want it to be. You will remain in the past if you remain in anger. The best revenge is a life well lived.


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## tripad

unsure78 said:


> Totally agree with Too Nice and RD...
> 
> Tri I have been reading you for a while now and you are still filled with so much anger. My situation is not that much different than yours...
> 
> You cannot control his actions, you can only control your own. I understand your anger but the words of venom and hate back to him do nothing but keep the situation escalated. Focus on yourself and your children. He dosent show up for the kids? His loss, always make up back up arrangements if you have plans. The kids figure out really quick whats going on. He doesnt pay child support? That sucks but you, like me, sound like you have the means to financially care for you children without the small amount of money you receive from him. I look at that money as bonus if i get it great but dont depend on it.
> 
> Yes Tri, I also get angry at times for being left holding the responsibility while he gets to do what he chooses and pays what he wants. However ive found over that last 4 yrs that I have been divorced that you are better focusing that anger and contempt towards making your life what you want it to be. You will remain in the past if you remain in anger. The best revenge is a life well lived.


reminding myself daily , trust me .

then , his selfish acts triggers . BOMB ! EXPLODE !

Sigh . Regret . Sleepless .


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## tripad

unsure78 said:


> Totally agree with Too Nice and RD...
> 
> Tri I have been reading you for a while now and you are still filled with so much anger. My situation is not that much different than yours...
> 
> You cannot control his actions, you can only control your own. I understand your anger but the words of venom and hate back to him do nothing but keep the situation escalated. Focus on yourself and your children. He dosent show up for the kids? His loss, always make up back up arrangements if you have plans. The kids figure out really quick whats going on. He doesnt pay child support? That sucks but you, like me, sound like you have the means to financially care for you children without the small amount of money you receive from him. I look at that money as bonus if i get it great but dont depend on it.
> 
> Yes Tri, I also get angry at times for being left holding the responsibility while he gets to do what he chooses and pays what he wants. However ive found over that last 4 yrs that I have been divorced that you are better focusing that anger and contempt towards making your life what you want it to be. You will remain in the past if you remain in anger. The best revenge is a life well lived.



Yes I am aware of the anger . The amount cheated is great . It is my everything for 20 years . Even during the divorce , he got the house ( long story about how he cheated it ) , he wont let me n kids have it . Though I manage to buy it back with the debts he owes me . Trying to have no anger , tough .


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## TooNice

tripad said:


> Yes I am aware of the anger . The amount cheated is great . It is my everything for 20 years . Even during the divorce , he got the house ( long story about how he cheated it ) , he wont let me n kids have it . Though I manage to buy it back with the debts he owes me . Trying to have no anger , tough .


I understand, Tripad. I really do. The unfairness of what they have been able to get away with can be overwhelming at times. 

My ex did not cheat me financially, so I can't relate to that. On the contrary, part of his plan was to ensure I could take care of myself. That was not for my benefit, though. It was so he could feel like the good guy, and more importantly, so others would see how well he prepared me to live on my own. 

What he did cheat me of was much greater, from my perspective. He cheated me out of having my second chance 10 years younger. He cheated me out of 10 years I could have been happy and not beaten down by him. He cheated me out of babies. I always wanted more, and he knew that and stayed married to me anyway. He could have let me go. Let me find someone to start over with. Instead he built his life with another woman, a life he walked into when we split, leaving me alone. 

Yes, the anger is great. But I focus every day on the great relationship I have with my son and the great friends I have in my life. I know that when the anger does still surface, I am the only person it injures, so that helps me to fight it off. When I give in, it's only allowing my ex to control me again, and I will not allow him to have any power over me anymore. 

Hang in there, Tripad. Fight it off. I know you have the power to do that, and think of the lesson that will teach your children. That's a huge gift to them. They will one day be simply indifferent toward him without anger feeding the situation. Indifference is quite painful to people like many of our exes!


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## tripad

TooNice said:


> I understand, Tripad. I really do. The unfairness of what they have been able to get away with can be overwhelming at times.
> 
> My ex did not cheat me financially, so I can't relate to that. On the contrary, part of his plan was to ensure I could take care of myself. That was not for my benefit, though. It was so he could feel like the good guy, and more importantly, so others would see how well he prepared me to live on my own.
> 
> What he did cheat me of was much greater, from my perspective. He cheated me out of having my second chance 10 years younger. He cheated me out of 10 years I could have been happy and not beaten down by him. He cheated me out of babies. I always wanted more, and he knew that and stayed married to me anyway. He could have let me go. Let me find someone to start over with. Instead he built his life with another woman, a life he walked into when we split, leaving me alone.
> 
> Yes, the anger is great. But I focus every day on the great relationship I have with my son and the great friends I have in my life. I know that when the anger does still surface, I am the only person it injures, so that helps me to fight it off. When I give in, it's only allowing my ex to control me again, and I will not allow him to have any power over me anymore.
> 
> Hang in there, Tripad. Fight it off. I know you have the power to do that, and think of the lesson that will teach your children. That's a huge gift to them. They will one day be simply indifferent toward him without anger feeding the situation. Indifference is quite painful to people like many of our exes!


To be honest , at least he makes sure you are able to survive , whatever the reason is , for his benefit or whatever .

I was cheated financially of everything and including the house , which i told him to let me and the kids have a roof over our heads . No , he took it through cheating ways . And even though I manage to recover some of the debts he owe me and I could buy it back . He demanded it to be sold off so I cant have it , but he failed as in my country , the woman has the first right to buy over , especially when I have custody of the kids .

I am cheated of my 20 years too , I am 47 you know , not young , though I look 38-40 , LOL . Yes I said the same to him , he should told me 10 years earlier that he chose his cheating family over me n kids , so I can have a better second chance . Or tell me 10 years older but leave me with my money , not even his money , so that I may live comfortably . No , I have to restart my life financially all over again , working my ass off like in my 30s , but toggling two young kids alongside me now . My kids suffer too , dinner late with mum after work .

getting better . almost there . grin


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## TheGoodGuy

gouge_away said:


> Anybody else's OLD profile blow up today? Nothing like being someone's plan B for new years.


That is a problem I've NEVER had with OLD (getting "blown up" as you say), no matter the date. LOL But I see your point about being someone's plan B.


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## Hoosier

So my youngest daughter (25) got engaged over the holiday. She and her bf have lived together for 3 years, so no surprise. When I first was Divorced I told my daughters I would let the OM live, only because I wasn't guaranteed to not get caught, and I loved my daughters so much I was not going to be denied being around them. I did say that if the OM was involved in a gathering (he is an x good friend) then I would not be... we all agreeded (myself, and 3 daughters)
Now my youngest has not seen her mother in 3 years, we do not discuss her mother, I leave her and her mother to my daughter. I (with great inner turmoil, hope it didn't show) informed my daughter that I would not object to her mother and POSOM being invited, as I know that is what is best for MY DAUGHTER. So yesterday my daughter calls "SO Dad you think it is very important that I invite mother...so I have been thinking......" "Wait, I never said it was important to ME, just that I want you to feel free to invite who YOU want to come" ....... guess she is going to invite her mother, and going to meet with her before the wedding, as to have the first time they meet be the wedding, not a good idea (I agree).... Guess I gave my xw a nice Christmas present, a way back to her daughter. I want whats best for my D, but really hate that they are getting back together at the same time. Weird feeling.


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## TooNice

TheGoodGuy said:


> That is a problem I've NEVER had with OLD (getting "blown up" as you say), no matter the date. LOL But I see your point about being someone's plan B.


Lol! Yeah, I've never had that issue, either! 

I'm heading out with friends tomorrow. Hoping to just find myself a random cute boy to smooch when the clock strikes!


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## TooNice

Hoosier said:


> So my youngest daughter (25) got engaged over the holiday. She and her bf have lived together for 3 years, so no surprise. When I first was Divorced I told my daughters I would let the OM live, only because I wasn't guaranteed to not get caught, and I loved my daughters so much I was not going to be denied being around them. I did say that if the OM was involved in a gathering (he is an x good friend) then I would not be... we all agreeded (myself, and 3 daughters)
> Now my youngest has not seen her mother in 3 years, we do not discuss her mother, I leave her and her mother to my daughter. I (with great inner turmoil, hope it didn't show) informed my daughter that I would not object to her mother and POSOM being invited, as I know that is what is best for MY DAUGHTER. So yesterday my daughter calls "SO Dad you think it is very important that I invite mother...so I have been thinking......" "Wait, I never said it was important to ME, just that I want you to feel free to invite who YOU want to come" ....... guess she is going to invite her mother, and going to meet with her before the wedding, as to have the first time they meet be the wedding, not a good idea (I agree).... Guess I gave my xw a nice Christmas present, a way back to her daughter. I want whats best for my D, but really hate that they are getting back together at the same time. Weird feeling.


Wow... I feel for you. That's a tough one. Sounds like you are prepared for your D's best interests, though. That's the important thing. 

Congrats on her engagement!


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## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> Again, we all have our own approach, and like RD said, our own perspective. I know my situation is slightly different, since my son is grown.* But I still feel like the honesty is not mine to dish out.* He knows that his dad does not make time for him like he once did. He knows that his mom (who is pretty awesome) is dating with zero success while his dad is already (from his perspective) bringing someone to holiday gatherings - not to mention the fact that she is suddenly practically living with his dad. At the same time he also knows how much happier I am without the constant barrage of negativity directed at me.
> 
> But when the OW was introduced to him, and he asked me how long his dad and I have been having troubles, *my answer was that it was a question better asked of his dad. Which is true. Not my truth to tell. *My son will figure it out one day, but he will also know that I always maintained respect for his dad. Even when he didn't deserve it. I mention things like "oh - your dad might want to see that movie with you", even though I know they likely won't, because I want to promote that time. I don't think it matters how young or how old they are; our kids always figure it out eventually. And I want my kid to know I always tried to take the high road.
> 
> My battles with his dad do not have to be HIS battles with his dad.


Sorry, but I disagree with this. As a parent, we all owe our children honesty, especially when asked a direct question from them. Now your son has this awkward thing going on in his head where he wants to know the truth but feels uncomfortable bringing it up to his dad. He is grown, treat him as such. (tho even young kids deserve the truth too!) Respect his maturity. Had you told him the truth, he could have asked questions about it, things that may have been on his mind, and could process things before bringing anything up to his dad. 


In a totally unrelated thing....hey @FeministInPink!


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## MRR

So I have a lunch date Saturday. Tried to make dinner but she has plans and asked to do lunch instead. We have met once, at a coffee shop for about an hour, and her texting has slowed considerably. Actually I think she is pretty much only texting now if i do. she said once in text before we met, and then also casually at the coffee shop, that she 'enjoys texting me but doesnt want to bug me' and also reference that i 'fell off the map' for a couple days when i wasnt texting her. Sounds needy but after meeting her i found i am interested. 

the FWB has not been around since before thanksgiving. on one hand i want to go FIP on her when she does text, but i do like her and would not mind seeing her again. she has been living w/ her ex (and their kids) but is finally moving out next month. I know she is pretty active in OLD and possibly other guys. it will be interesting when she has more time on her hands as they will have split custody. I was ok with it before but (like others have advised) I need to move on in order to find something that really fulfills me. The sex is amazing and she is fun to hang out with but it is so sporadic and I made myself TOO available, so now she takes me for granted. 

Just trying to get this stuff out and process it...


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## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> That is a problem I've NEVER had with OLD (getting "blown up" as you say), no matter the date. LOL But I see your point about being someone's plan B.


Before I disabled my OLD accounts, I wasn't terribly active. I would only log in occasionally, every few weeks or so. Without fail, after I logged in, I would get a slew of messages immediately after, and for a day or two. Not anyone who was really interested in ME, just a lot of fishing messages, but it happened. And then it would die down until I logged in again.


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## FeministInPink

Hoosier said:


> So my youngest daughter (25) got engaged over the holiday. She and her bf have lived together for 3 years, so no surprise. When I first was Divorced I told my daughters I would let the OM live, only because I wasn't guaranteed to not get caught, and I loved my daughters so much I was not going to be denied being around them. I did say that if the OM was involved in a gathering (he is an x good friend) then I would not be... we all agreeded (myself, and 3 daughters)
> Now my youngest has not seen her mother in 3 years, we do not discuss her mother, I leave her and her mother to my daughter. I (with great inner turmoil, hope it didn't show) informed my daughter that I would not object to her mother and POSOM being invited, as I know that is what is best for MY DAUGHTER. So yesterday my daughter calls "SO Dad you think it is very important that I invite mother...so I have been thinking......" "Wait, I never said it was important to ME, just that I want you to feel free to invite who YOU want to come" ....... guess she is going to invite her mother, and going to meet with her before the wedding, as to have the first time they meet be the wedding, not a good idea (I agree).... Guess I gave my xw a nice Christmas present, a way back to her daughter. I want whats best for my D, but really hate that they are getting back together at the same time. Weird feeling.


Well, it's really up to her whether or not she chooses to invite her mother. It's good that you told her you don't object--if you had voiced an objection, that could have had the potential to harm your relationship with your daughter.

And who knows, maybe daughter won't invite her.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Before I disabled my OLD accounts, I wasn't terribly active. I would only log in occasionally, every few weeks or so. Without fail, after I logged in, I would get a slew of messages immediately after, and for a day or two. Not anyone who was really interested in ME, just a lot of fishing messages, but it happened. And then it would die down until I logged in again.


You are a pretty female after all. I don't think there are a lot of girls out there that do the "fishing" thing like I've heard guys do. But why would you need to? (or want to?)


----------



## SARAHMCD

MRR said:


> So I have a lunch date Saturday. Tried to make dinner but she has plans and asked to do lunch instead. We have met once, at a coffee shop for about an hour, and her texting has slowed considerably. Actually I think she is pretty much only texting now if i do. she said once in text before we met, and then also casually at the coffee shop, that she 'enjoys texting me but doesnt want to bug me' and also reference that i 'fell off the map' for a couple days when i wasnt texting her. Sounds needy but after meeting her i found i am interested.
> 
> the FWB has not been around since before thanksgiving. on one hand i want to go FIP on her when she does text, but i do like her and would not mind seeing her again. she has been living w/ her ex (and their kids) but is finally moving out next month. I know she is pretty active in OLD and possibly other guys. it will be interesting when she has more time on her hands as they will have split custody. I was ok with it before but (like others have advised) I need to move on in order to find something that really fulfills me. The sex is amazing and she is fun to hang out with but it is so sporadic and I made myself TOO available, so now she takes me for granted.
> 
> Just trying to get this stuff out and process it...


Good luck with your lunch date. I think having space from your FWB will allow you to date easier. It makes you open to the possibilities instead of shutting down and not wanting to even bother to try. As an analogy, why go out to eat when you're full? 

Maybe sometime down the road you could actually date your FWB once she's moved out and settled, but it sounds like she is dating, so she's not putting her hopes all on you either. She's newly separated and testing the waters, having fun. Nothing wrong with that. But I don't think its what you want anymore.


----------



## bkyln309

Good afternoon folks. Sorry I have been missing. I was travelling for the holidays (DC area).

And in my travels I think I have confused myself pretty good. I have been dating the OM. I have had reservations about where we were going long term anyway but since my trip I am really questioning things. OM has grown kids. 

Then I hung out with my divorced friend (a man) and it has thrown me for a loop. I guess him and I never considered dating as we were both married but he has been divorced 4 years with 4 kids and me divorced a year, separated before that with 2. We have always gotten along really well but our families got together and it all seemed to click. I didnt do anything about it since I am still dating OM but him and I talked about these new feelings. We always joked before we were perfect for each other minus the distance and our status but this time it all clicked. I think the distance honestly will be too much to overcome but it got me thinking I really need to date a man with kids the same age as mine. 

The OM has grown children and wants grand children, not a family. I knew a difficult conversation was coming with the OM but my trip I think may accelerate it.

UGH.


----------



## TooNice

3Xnocharm said:


> Sorry, but I disagree with this. As a parent, we all owe our children honesty, especially when asked a direct question from them. Now your son has this awkward thing going on in his head where he wants to know the truth but feels uncomfortable bringing it up to his dad. He is grown, treat him as such. (tho even young kids deserve the truth too!) Respect his maturity. Had you told him the truth, he could have asked questions about it, things that may have been on his mind, and could process things before bringing anything up to his dad.


Thanks, 3x. I do respect your insight on this and I understand your point. I struggled with this when everything first came about, and I know it's not the decision everyone would make. I feel it's right for us, though. My son knows he can talk to me about anything, and if he asks again, I'll try to talk to him more openly. His question was specifically about how long our marriage had been in trouble, and I was honest in not being able answer that question. I always thought we'd figure it out, so only his dad knows exactly when he gave up on us.

There's no handbook for what we've been through, is there?


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> So I have a lunch date Saturday. Tried to make dinner but she has plans and asked to do lunch instead. We have met once, at a coffee shop for about an hour, and her texting has slowed considerably. Actually I think she is pretty much only texting now if i do. she said once in text before we met, and then also casually at the coffee shop, that she *'enjoys texting me but doesnt want to bug me'* and also reference that i 'fell off the map' for a couple days when i wasnt texting her. Sounds needy but after meeting her i found i am interested.


This thing drives me crazy. Not HER, but the fact that she felt the need to say this. Because I feel this all the time. As women, we're told so often by men (and other women!) that if we are too communicative, if we text too much, etc, we are NEEDY. Which is bullsh!t. I'm naturally talkative, when I want to be. And I have my phone on me all the time, and I respond quickly, not because I'm needy, but because it's part of my nature. Because I'm reliable. Because I'm responsive. Because I am available and there for my friends and those close to me. All kinds of things that are GOOD traits in a partner, I have to suppress a natural behavior that demonstrates these positive traits, just so a guy won't think that I'm "needy." Which is bullsh!t. Because everyone needs love, everyone needs affection. 

And yes, to someone like me--who responds quickly to messages--does take no communication for several days as a sign that he's not interested. Because... trailing off communication is exactly what someone does when they're ghosting you. If you and I were texting on pretty much a daily basis, and then you disappeared for a few days, I would figure that you met someone else who interested you more, or there was something I said that was a red flag, or something else about me that signaled that I wasn't a good fit.

Even if you did text me again after an extended absence, I would be wary... it's not necessarily that communication needs to be constant. Consistency is key; if you set up a pattern early on that you'll be in touch every day (or every other day), then maintain that pattern, and if you will need to break the pattern, let her know before rather than later, whenever possible.



MRR said:


> the FWB has not been around since before thanksgiving. *on one hand i want to go FIP on her* when she does text, but i do like her and would not mind seeing her again. she has been living w/ her ex (and their kids) but is finally moving out next month. I know she is pretty active in OLD and possibly other guys. it will be interesting when she has more time on her hands as they will have split custody. I was ok with it before but (like others have advised) I need to move on in order to find something that really fulfills me. The sex is amazing and she is fun to hang out with but it is so sporadic and I made myself TOO available, so now she takes me for granted.
> 
> Just trying to get this stuff out and process it...


Ha ha, my style of response is a thing? If you'd like to see her again, don't do it. I'm almost regretting being so harsh with him, because if I hadn't, I could text him for some easy sex. But then I remember that I would be rewarding him for sh!tty behavior. Good in the short term, maybe, but ultimately won't get me what I really want, and I'll likely get hurt again in the process.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> You are a pretty female after all. I don't think there are a lot of girls out there that do the "fishing" thing like I've heard guys do. But why would you need to? (or want to?)


Well, thank you, though that doesn't seem to be getting me much traction in the dating world, for some reason 

No, I don't do any fishing. I send out tailored, well-written messages. But they hardly ever get me any traction, just crickets. 

And the only thoughtful messages I've received are from men who are precisely what I don't want (and which I've said I don't want in my profile): poly men looking for a third, men who are 15+ yrs older than I am, married men looking for a piece on the side. It's like the read my entire profile in depth, but choose to selectively ignore the part that says I would never be interested in what they're offering. Maybe because they think a good intro message will make up for the fact that they are poly/married/cheater/old enough to be my father?

Maybe I should have tried fishing? Every single guy that I think is remotely attractive? Eventually someone would respond, right?


----------



## MRR

SARAHMCD said:


> Good luck with your lunch date. I think having space from your FWB will allow you to date easier. It makes you open to the possibilities instead of shutting down and not wanting to even bother to try. As an analogy, why go out to eat when you're full?
> 
> Maybe sometime down the road you could actually date your FWB once she's moved out and settled, but it sounds like she is dating, so she's not putting her hopes all on you either. She's newly separated and testing the waters, having fun. Nothing wrong with that. But I don't think its what you want anymore.



It's all true and I do need to continue to hear it until I am not into her at all really. One of those things, if it's taken away the first reaction is to want it more. 
If we HAD dated exclusively quite possibly I would have been feeling smothered!!! True story.... I find a way to be more attracted when it is a less certain situation.
The lunch date i have saturday is very pretty and a I would describe her in my limited knowledg as a 'giver' (rather than a taker) and I am wondering why i am not *quite* as excited about this other girl.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> It's all true and I do need to continue to hear it until I am not into her at all really. One of those things, if it's taken away the first reaction is to want it more.
> If we HAD dated exclusively quite possibly I would have been feeling smothered!!! True story.... I find a way to be more attracted when it is a less certain situation.
> The lunch date i have saturday is very pretty and a I would describe her in my limited knowledg as a 'giver' (rather than a taker) and I am wondering why i am not *quite* as excited about this other girl.


It might be your picker. Think about that. for a moment. (Or more.) The one you are "less" interested in is the one who would likely make a better long-term partner. So why are you less interested in her? It's worth dissecting.


----------



## RandomDude

New years eve... reflection time... spent almost all of 2015 single and sexless, yet, the happiest and content I've been in a long time.

I'm just SO over it! Breeding that is, like I just can't be bothered anymore. Even when the opportunities presented themselves, I just played dumb and hoped they left me alone, most got the hint, a few others though... ARGH! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! BAH!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Well, thank you, though that doesn't seem to be getting me much traction in the dating world, for some reason
> 
> No, I don't do any fishing. I send out tailored, well-written messages. But they hardly ever get me any traction, just crickets.
> 
> And the only thoughtful messages I've received are from men who are precisely what I don't want (and which I've said I don't want in my profile): poly men looking for a third, men who are 15+ yrs older than I am, married men looking for a piece on the side. It's like the read my entire profile in depth, but choose to selectively ignore the part that says I would never be interested in what they're offering. Maybe because they think a good intro message will make up for the fact that they are poly/married/cheater/old enough to be my father?
> 
> Maybe I should have tried fishing? Every single guy that I think is remotely attractive? Eventually someone would respond, right?


Nah. F all that noise. oLD is feeling too inorganic to me. I've had much more authentic connections through real life. IME. Maybe it's because we'd eventually like to find that long term partner vs just ONS. Who knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> New years eve... reflection time... spent almost all of 2015 single and sexless, yet, the happiest and content I've been in a long time.
> 
> I'm just SO over it! Breeding that is, like I just can't be bothered anymore. Even when the opportunities presented themselves, I just played dumb and hoped they left me alone, most got the hint, a few others though... ARGH! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! BAH!



They think you are gay probably .


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> It might be your picker. Think about that. for a moment. (Or more.) The one you are "less" interested in is the one who would likely make a better long-term partner. So why are you less interested in her? It's worth dissecting.


yep, that is exactly why i am thinking about it. And I think you are likely correct about the new one being a better long term situation. (obviously the FWB has proven to be, while attractive and fun, less than reliable and loyal). 

I hate comparing women I am involved in but in order to understand and make better choices it is sometimes necessary. 

And as far as the texting thing and being told that is needy-- my only issue with this was that we had not even met yet. she was asking a lot of questions which showed interest however it just really helps me to meet in person before i want to share via text. I am not a huge texting person but it is nice when you are interested to hear from them-- but again she was kinda overdoing it BEFORE we had met. She is still doing it, showing interest, and I am recipricating, but it is much less than previously.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> They think you are gay probably .


Yup, friends too! But I simply remind them that my blood cells have been positioned in my head, rather than errr... elsewhere 

BTW happy new year! 

2016... and still no hoverboards! BAH!


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Yup, friends too! But I simply remind them that my blood cells have been positioned in my head, rather than errr... elsewhere
> 
> BTW happy new year!
> 
> 2016... and still no hoverboards! BAH!


I guess they only last few minutes before combusting under your feet, or so my 10yr old son has said.

Hoverboard


----------



## tripad

Happy 2016 to all singles of TAM 

Blessed to find happiness again in whatever form


----------



## bkyln309

FIP: what happened with the date before Christmas? I missed so much here and couldn't find an update


----------



## Hope Shimmers

I had to turn the damn Rose Bowl off just now or risk having a heart attack in frustration (I'm Iowa Hawkeye alumni) so here I am.

I'm a single (divorced in 2007) on TAM, so I'll post here and wish everyone a very wonderful New Year.

I can tell you that for me, 2016 will absolutely be fabulous compared with this past year. I will MAKE SURE OF IT.


----------



## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> I had to turn the damn Rose Bowl off just now or risk having a heart attack in frustration (I'm Iowa Hawkeye alumni) so here I am.
> 
> 
> I can tell you that for me, 2016 will absolutely be fabulous compared with this past year. I will MAKE SURE OF IT.


I am watching till the bitter end! 

I ended things with my apathetic lover last night. I a delicious Mexican stew for the orange bowl game. We gave each other kisses. Made love. Then he got on the computer to play games (as usual). 
Game ended. He is pissed because of his game. I wanted to do something for the NYE. He kept saying only five more minutes then it was 8pm. He is still playing his online game. I asked him to spend time with me since it was a special night. He screamed he wasn't going to watch football! I told him calmly we could do something else. He screams again. Goes to shower. Finishes his shower and sits down again to play online games. 
I went to him and said "I think we are done" he said "okay"
I had a big speech prepared so simply told him that. He said "I am not going to argue with you, you see things your way, I mine"
I said yep. So packed my things, told him thanks for everything and left. 
The co dependent in me misses him. He is not a bad person just not what I need. 
I must grow stronger and not settle for him because I have no doubt he would take me back if I asked yet he is a person who doesn't care either way. 

I am optimistic about this year!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> I am watching till the bitter end!
> 
> I ended things with my apathetic lover last night. I a delicious Mexican stew for the orange bowl game. We gave each other kisses. Made love. Then he got on the computer to play games (as usual).
> Game ended. He is pissed because of his game. I wanted to do something for the NYE. He kept saying only five more minutes then it was 8pm. He is still playing his online game. I asked him to spend time with me since it was a special night. He screamed he wasn't going to watch football! I told him calmly we could do something else. He screams again. Goes to shower. Finishes his shower and sits down again to play online games.
> I went to him and said "I think we are done" he said "okay"
> I had a big speech prepared so simply told him that. He said "I am not going to argue with you, you see things your way, I mine"
> I said yep. So packed my things, told him thanks for everything and left.
> The co dependent in me misses him. He is not a bad person just not what I need.
> I must grow stronger and not settle for him because I have no doubt he would take me back if I asked yet he is a person who doesn't care either way.
> 
> I am optimistic about this year!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, the bitter end for the Rose Bowl has come, unfortunately and painfully! 

It wasn't just my alma mater (11+ years of post-high school education) but overall, 25+ years of my life as I was faculty at U of I after graduating from there, for many years. The vast majority of my adult life was spent directly connected with that place every day.

From what you said about this guy, you made the right decision. And I really like how you said it. You are very self-aware, and you know who he is. You recognize what is incompatible and what YOU need. You know YOU. That last part is what I'm going to be doing in 2016.

"I must grow stronger and not settle for him because I have no doubt he would take me back if I asked yet he is a person who doesn't care either way."

Don't settle for that. Just don't... and thank you for posting it, more than you know, because now I won't either.


----------



## tripad

Good job .

Well done .

Rough but u did what you need to do


----------



## gouge_away

Had a date last night.
I drank too much, its been awhile since I've had anything to drink, I was pretty drunk.

She took me to her house, I was ready to crash on her couch, she took me to her bed, we didn't have sex.

This morning while we were talking I asked if she would like to date exclusively, she said that she would think about it but that she wasn't sure, then asked if that was bad.

Idk, I really wish I hadn't drank so much, lol


----------



## RisingSun

I've been separated from same stbxw for the second time for two months now. I know I'm separated, but I'm a ways from considering myself single. 

That said, I'm really looking forward to dating again, being intimate with someone who reciprocates, and discovering a connection. This will take a while. I'm in no rush, but cripes... in some ways I still feel married. Anyone else experience this?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RisingSun said:


> I've been separated from same stbxw for the second time for two months now. I know I'm separated, but I'm a ways from considering myself single.
> 
> That said, I'm really looking forward to dating again, being intimate with someone who reciprocates, and discovering a connection. This will take a while. I'm in no rush, but cripes... in some ways I still feel married. Anyone else experience this?


I did feel that way the first time I split from my ex (but dated anyway, too soon and too much). This time, I do not feel that way at all, but I'm not wanting to date yet. 

Not sure there's any "normal" way to feel. I think the most important thing to do is just make sure you're emotionally healthy before dating. And wanting to. I feel like I'm in a place where I just want to be selfish and I want my time to myself .


----------



## RisingSun

SecondTime'Round said:


> I did feel that way the first time I split from my ex (but dated anyway, too soon and too much). This time, I do not feel that way at all, but I'm not wanting to date yet.
> 
> Not sure there's any "normal" way to feel. I think the most important thing to do is just make sure you're emotionally healthy before dating. And wanting to. I feel like I'm in a place where I just want to be selfish and I want my time to myself .


That makes sense. We're all different, have had different experiences, etc. A couple of counselors I've heard on podcasts recommend waiting a year for anything serious, but when ready say it's ok to date. I'm not there yet. Part of me wants to, but part of me can't, at least not yet. Still feeling married in many respects, even though I realize the end of my marriage is ultimately a good thing.

Funny... it would be so good to have a FWB right now. Not so much for the sex, but the companionship, closeness, the warmth of another person and all. And well, heck, if the sex happens, it happens, right? haha


----------



## vi_bride04

RisingSun said:


> Funny... it would be so good to have a FWB right now. Not so much for the sex, but the companionship, closeness, the warmth of another person and all. And well, heck, if the sex happens, it happens, right? haha


Careful, that's how feelings develop and that usually ruins any fwb situation


----------



## RisingSun

vi_bride04 said:


> Careful, that's how feelings develop and that usually ruins any fwb situation


Yes, I suppose so, but I was just sayin'.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Found out more about YG and why things were sporadic. Her ex had not told his son - 13 yo - that they had broken up so she was still getting calls from him, etc. she was letting the dad do the talking to his son, and he finally did. It was like a giant weight lifted off her shoulders. 

The timing still sucks but the past couple of days have been amazing. 2 dates, yesterday was hiking then lunch, tonight was dinner/movie/drinks. It's a really good connection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

TheGoodGuy said:


> Found out more about YG and why things were sporadic. Her ex had not told his son - 13 yo - that they had broken up so she was still getting calls from him, etc. she was letting the dad do the talking to his son, and he finally did. It was like a giant weight lifted off her shoulders.
> 
> The timing still sucks but the past couple of days have been amazing. 2 dates, yesterday was hiking then lunch, tonight was dinner/movie/drinks. It's a really good connection.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yikes, that must have been tough for her! Hopefully now you guys can move forward from here... Slowly. ;-)


----------



## TooNice

I don't really do New Year's resolutions. I did, however, decide that I am deleting my OLD profiles in the start of the new year, and will no longer be actively seeking someone to date. The thought of a relationship is still scary, but I know I'm ready to give it a go when the right man comes along.

Having said that, I went out with girlfriends for NYE. After our celebration, I stopped in at my local watering hole on my way home to say hi to the folks there. Lo and behold, a man I have been talking with for months was there. And very happy to see me. We finally had a conversation about dating and what we both are looking for. It was a good talk; very honest and real. 

Our first official date is on Wednesday, so I guess we will see what happens. No searching, no expectations. Just letting things happen in 2016.


----------



## vi_bride04

No resolutions this year, only plans to scratch a few items off my bucket list


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> FIP: what happened with the date before Christmas? I missed so much here and couldn't find an update


Oh, maybe I didn't post an update... it was, ultimately, quite disappointing. I don't really know how to explain it... 

Well, first of all, there was no click. He's a nice enough guy, but I didn't feel a connection. Which is a shame, because he's attractive. But he's almost like this man-child, which is the part I don't know how to explain. Something just _isn't there_ with him; his sense of humor was quite immature (and I don't mean that it was crude, it was just _under-developed_), he lacked a mature masculine presence, and he was generally awkward. He wasn't good at reading my body language, and seemed completely unaware of my physical presence relative to him--we were walking outside, and he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was walking too fast, and that I couldn't keep up, and even after I said something, he seemed oblivious. He just seemed oblivious to a lot of things. He took no care for his physical appearance--I mean, he had showered and shaved, and his clothes were clean, but he clearly didn't make any effort to look nice (he was wearing a wrinkled frat-boy rugby shirt). He came off as confident and witty over text, and in person he just was NOT. 

We did go back to his place for a little bit, and it was just odd--I've been in bachelor pads before, but his place was almost barren and stark, with only the most minimum of furniture. There was no STUFF. Like the guy doesn't have any hobbies. He doesn't even play video games, which isn't my favorite, but it's SOMETHING. 

And instead of a dresser, he had several plastic drawer carts. He told me that he had bought some Ikea-style dressers, but he returned them and because he decided that putting them together was either too complicated, or too much work.

He was telling me how he wished his life was more interesting/exciting, that all he does is stay home and watch TV. And that he thinks he should get out more, and maybe if he goes out drinking more often, then more interesting things will happen, because all the interesting stuff in life happens when one drinks... I think he idolizes Hunter S. Thompson, and harbors the fantasy of someday living out Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. 

He seems to have no motivation to make any changes or improvements; he doesn't seem happy with the status quo, but he isn't actively doing anything about it either. 

And then, he seemed irritated that I wouldn't have sex with him on the first date, because we had talked (very briefly) about sex while we were texting. That part really irritated me. Talking about sex does not imply consent, and how arrogant is it that he expected it? You didn't bother to dress to impress, and you bought me two beers. That doesn't get you access privileges, buddy. I will give him this: when I said no, he accepted it and didn't push it again. But this comes back to the body language thing--he just wasn't reading me.

The next day or two, we exchanged a few texts, and then it was complete crickets until a few days ago. I did meet him for drinks, a second time, on Saturday, to give him a second chance (in case it was nervousness on his part) and to make sure my initial assessment was correct. And my initial assessment was pretty much accurate.

So, ultimately, it's a big NO on this guy. I don't think he's a jerk. I think he would be fine as a friend. I do LIKE him. He's a likeable guy. Might even be OK as a FWB. But not for a relationship. He just doesn't _get it_. There's something off about him. After two dates, I'm pretty confident that he has Aspberger's, or something like that. And that's something I'm just not willing to deal with. Maybe that makes me a bad person (probably does according to my mom), but I don't care. I have a hard enough time with regular relationships, but add in the extra stuff that comes with an Aspie? I could handle it. I just don't want to.


----------



## tripad

Fip 

Your mum is wrong . just like my mum is . 

You are not a bad person

You have a right to your own happiness


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> So I have a lunch date Saturday. Tried to make dinner but she has plans and asked to do lunch instead. We have met once, at a coffee shop for about an hour, and her texting has slowed considerably. Actually I think she is pretty much only texting now if i do. she said once in text before we met, and then also casually at the coffee shop, that she 'enjoys texting me but doesnt want to bug me' and also reference that i 'fell off the map' for a couple days when i wasnt texting her. Sounds needy but after meeting her i found i am interested.
> 
> the FWB has not been around since before thanksgiving. on one hand i want to go FIP on her when she does text, but i do like her and would not mind seeing her again. she has been living w/ her ex (and their kids) but is finally moving out next month. I know she is pretty active in OLD and possibly other guys. it will be interesting when she has more time on her hands as they will have split custody. I was ok with it before but (like others have advised) I need to move on in order to find something that really fulfills me. The sex is amazing and she is fun to hang out with but it is so sporadic and I made myself TOO available, so now she takes me for granted.
> 
> Just trying to get this stuff out and process it...


So, the lunch date was moved last minute...got a 'do you have your kids' text after the rose bowl friday night and then a 'can you meet for a drink?'

We did that instead of lunch saturday, and it was a lot of fun. Drank way too much. I asked the bartender if they had any leftover champagne from the night before (it was Jan 2). Seemed like a good idea at the time! In any case, we are still in contact and despite not feeling well saturday (either of us) she said it was totally worth it. Got some kisses in at the bar but next time it will be when we are sober. Due to custody schedules it may be another week+ before we can get together again. 

Also, saw the FWB yesterday. Her neices and her own kids go to school w/ mine. Her neice is my daughters good friend so we were at her birthday party yesterday. I just did the drop off and came back to pick them up. When I came back I was chasing down my kids and she came over to chat. She seemed a bit awkward. Or maybe it was me. Last time I saw her was about two weeks ago and she said something about getting together soon; she didnt say that this time. I think I must have given off a different vibe that made her uneasy-- she avoids confrontation typically. When we were seeing each other, if she felt any 'animosity' (her words on one occasion) in our communication (almost exclusively text) she would admittedly avoid me. Trying not to think to much about that. She looked gorgeous though...but I do not feel she is a reliable person. 

The new girl and I continue to text and keep in contact and like others have pointed out, it IS nice to not have that anxiety of where do you stand. I dont know where I stand. I am not even fully sure of where she stands with me, but the communication skills are much better. My concern is that the texting may get boring; usually it is just a hey, whatre you doing? how is work? 

So. That happened.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, maybe I didn't post an update... it was, ultimately, quite disappointing. I don't really know how to explain it...
> 
> Well, first of all, there was no click. He's a nice enough guy, but I didn't feel a connection. Which is a shame, because he's attractive. But he's almost like this man-child, which is the part I don't know how to explain. Something just _isn't there_ with him; his sense of humor was quite immature (and I don't mean that it was crude, it was just _under-developed_), he lacked a mature masculine presence, and he was generally awkward. He wasn't good at reading my body language, and seemed completely unaware of my physical presence relative to him--we were walking outside, and he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was walking too fast, and that I couldn't keep up, and even after I said something, he seemed oblivious. He just seemed oblivious to a lot of things. He took no care for his physical appearance--I mean, he had showered and shaved, and his clothes were clean, but he clearly didn't make any effort to look nice (he was wearing a wrinkled frat-boy rugby shirt). He came off as confident and witty over text, and in person he just was NOT.
> 
> We did go back to his place for a little bit, and it was just odd--I've been in bachelor pads before, but his place was almost barren and stark, with only the most minimum of furniture. There was no STUFF. Like the guy doesn't have any hobbies. He doesn't even play video games, which isn't my favorite, but it's SOMETHING.
> 
> And instead of a dresser, he had several plastic drawer carts. He told me that he had bought some Ikea-style dressers, but he returned them and because he decided that putting them together was either too complicated, or too much work.
> 
> He was telling me how he wished his life was more interesting/exciting, that all he does is stay home and watch TV. And that he thinks he should get out more, and maybe if he goes out drinking more often, then more interesting things will happen, because all the interesting stuff in life happens when one drinks... I think he idolizes Hunter S. Thompson, and harbors the fantasy of someday living out Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
> 
> He seems to have no motivation to make any changes or improvements; he doesn't seem happy with the status quo, but he isn't actively doing anything about it either.
> 
> And then, he seemed irritated that I wouldn't have sex with him on the first date, because we had talked (very briefly) about sex while we were texting. That part really irritated me. Talking about sex does not imply consent, and how arrogant is it that he expected it? You didn't bother to dress to impress, and you bought me two beers. That doesn't get you access privileges, buddy. I will give him this: when I said no, he accepted it and didn't push it again. But this comes back to the body language thing--he just wasn't reading me.
> 
> The next day or two, we exchanged a few texts, and then it was complete crickets until a few days ago. I did meet him for drinks, a second time, on Saturday, to give him a second chance (in case it was nervousness on his part) and to make sure my initial assessment was correct. And my initial assessment was pretty much accurate.
> 
> So, ultimately, it's a big NO on this guy. I don't think he's a jerk. I think he would be fine as a friend. I do LIKE him. He's a likeable guy. Might even be OK as a FWB. But not for a relationship. He just doesn't _get it_. There's something off about him. After two dates, I'm pretty confident that he has Aspberger's, or something like that. And that's something I'm just not willing to deal with. Maybe that makes me a bad person (probably does according to my mom), but I don't care. I have a hard enough time with regular relationships, but add in the extra stuff that comes with an Aspie? I could handle it. I just don't want to.



Wow. thanks for sharing. And no you are not a bad person at all. 


Also, PSA-- I ran across a book on Amazon called "It's Not A Match" or something like that. About a guy's experience in online dating...and it is hilarious. I encourage you to look it up FIP.


----------



## RisingSun

The title is: Not A Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters

link: http://www.amazon.ca/Not-Match-Online-Dating-Disasters-ebook/dp/B00B8CKE4G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451926394&sr=8-1&keywords=not+a+match


----------



## MRR

Yes. Thank you. Very funny stuff in there.


----------



## ne9907

You are not a bad person FIP. We all have our happiness at stake.

It is day 4 and I miss the apathetic lover. 
we, singles, are so freaking strong to walk through life after having our hearts broken.

I feel so strong yet so vulnerable at the same time. I did not have this feeling with ex husband because I knew I was not going to fall in love again. This time is different, I am hurting more because I love him and I know he loves me (in his stupid apathetic way) yet I also know I cannot fix the relationship because he is who he is and we are simply NOT compatible. I want more. 

Does that make sense??

I am sad, but feel strong at the same time. So weird.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Fip
> 
> Your mum is wrong . just like my mum is .
> 
> You are not a bad person
> 
> You have a right to your own happiness


Ha ha, thank you! I know my mom is wrong. My mom is wrong in ALL TYPES of ways. 

My mom was always forcing me to be friends with kids that didn't have any friends. ("He's weird, Mom. And he smells bad." "He's just misunderstood, he needs a friend." "I think he tortures puppies, I really don't want to be friends with him." "That's only because he doesn't have any friends. Go play with him.") Because it was the _Christian thing to do_. (Meanwhile, she forbade me from being friends with some really nice kids because their parents had money and we were poor, and she thought that they all looked down on us--which wasn't true at all--and therefore we had the moral high ground, and so I wasn't allowed to be friends with them.) She persisted in this when it came to dating, and tried to convince me that I should date all the weird, lonely boys. ("You should date him. He's such a nice boy." "I am not interested in him at all, I don't find him remotely attractive, and he is weird." "He's such a nice boy, and I think he's lonely." "You want me to pity-date him?" "It would be so nice for him to get to go out with a girl, he's probably never been on a date." "So, what? You want me to pity fvck him, too?")

*Note: these are not EXACT quotes, but it's pretty much how these types of conversations went. Except that I never said "pity fvck" to my mom. Although I really wanted to.

But... yeah. I never listen to anything my mom says, not anymore. But that doesn't mean that I don't still have her little voice in my ear all the time. Now, I pretty much do the exact opposite of whatever it says.



MRR said:


> Wow. thanks for sharing. And no you are not a bad person at all.
> 
> Also, PSA-- I ran across a book on Amazon called "It's Not A Match" or something like that. About a guy's experience in online dating...and it is hilarious. I encourage you to look it up FIP.


I know, I was kind of like, WTF? Part of me wondered how he manages, just in general. And part of me thinks, is he sad? His life would make me sad. 

Here is an article he wrote on being single: Spinning My Wheels: Meditations on Being Single

Initially, I thought it was clever (I read it before we went out), and now... I think it's just sad. He was good on paper, but in person, not so much.

But now, as I re-read his article, I don't see anything in the article (or when we met in person) to indicate that he's made any effort to up his game, or increase his appeal to the opposite sex. Instead of working on himself, he seems to see nothing wrong with bemoaning his fate and wondering why a woman won't just love and accept him as he is. Hmm.

And thank you--I don't really think I'm a bad person, although it is something I struggle with. I identify as a kind person, and as such it's hard to draw a line between taking care of myself and taking care of others. I am constantly questioning, in various scenarios, the importance and value of what I want out of a situation. 

I will definitely check out that book--I would like some assurance that it's just as bad for the guys out there.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> You are not a bad person FIP. We all have our happiness at stake.
> 
> It is day 4 and I miss the apathetic lover.
> we, singles, are so freaking strong to walk through life after having our hearts broken.
> 
> I feel so strong yet so vulnerable at the same time. I did not have this feeling with ex husband because I knew I was not going to fall in love again. This time is different, I am hurting more because I love him and I know he loves me (in his stupid apathetic way) yet I also know *I cannot fix the relationship because he is who he is and we are simply NOT compatible. I want more. *
> 
> Does that make sense??
> 
> I am sad, but feel strong at the same time. So weird.


Just because he loves you "in his stupid apathetic way" does not mean that he deserves you! 

For example, my mom loves me in her own way, and her way is to be manipulative and selfish. Sure she loves me, but it's not a love that I really want. She will never be able to love me the way that I need and deserve. Apathetic lover will never be able to love you in the way that you need and deserve. Remember that. Always.

The bolded part above. Make a meme with those words, and save it as your phone wallpaper or screensaver, so that every time you look at your phone, you are reminded of why you are doing this, and why, even though it hurts, this is what you HAVE to do.

That is what being strong is. Doing what's best for you, in spite of the pain and the sadness.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> So, the lunch date was moved last minute...got a 'do you have your kids' text after the rose bowl friday night and then a 'can you meet for a drink?'
> 
> We did that instead of lunch saturday, and it was a lot of fun. Drank way too much. I asked the bartender if they had any leftover champagne from the night before (it was Jan 2). Seemed like a good idea at the time! In any case, we are still in contact and despite not feeling well saturday (either of us) she said it was totally worth it. Got some kisses in at the bar but next time it will be when we are sober. Due to custody schedules it may be another week+ before we can get together again.


Spacing it out is good, it forces you take things slow. I'm glad you had a good time!

Is this the gal that you were worried liked you too much before you even met?



MRR said:


> Also, saw the FWB yesterday. Her neices and her own kids go to school w/ mine. Her neice is my daughters good friend so we were at her birthday party yesterday. I just did the drop off and came back to pick them up. When I came back I was chasing down my kids and she came over to chat. She seemed a bit awkward. Or maybe it was me. Last time I saw her was about two weeks ago and she said something about getting together soon; she didnt say that this time. I think I must have given off a different vibe that made her uneasy-- she avoids confrontation typically. When we were seeing each other, if she felt any 'animosity' (her words on one occasion) in our communication (almost exclusively text) she would admittedly avoid me. Trying not to think to much about that. She looked gorgeous though...but I do not feel she is a reliable person.


When she said you guys should get together, did you text or call her? My guess is no. She made herself "available" (suggesting that you get together), and you soft-rejected her by not following up. She still wants to get together--that's why she came over to chat--but she doesn't want to make the offer a second time, if she's only going to get soft-rejected again.



MRR said:


> The new girl and I continue to text and keep in contact and like others have pointed out, it IS nice to not have that anxiety of where do you stand. I dont know where I stand. I am not even fully sure of where she stands with me, but the communication skills are much better. My concern is that the texting may get boring; usually it is just a hey, whatre you doing? how is work?
> 
> So. That happened.


OK, you guys have been out once? Or twice? You need to start talking on the phone. Texting gets old quick, and doesn't help you to get to know a person. 

(Personally, I'm thinking of implementing a calling rule. In my experience, guys who have been good about calling have generally been better guys in general; the ones who preferred to stick to texting were more flighty, not interested in anything serious, etc. In general, keeping communication at the text level--rather than upgrading to phone calls--is an easy way to "stay in touch" with someone, while maintaining both physical and emotional unavailability/distance.)


----------



## SARAHMCD

FeministInPink said:


> (Personally, I'm thinking of implementing a calling rule. In my experience, guys who have been good about calling have generally been better guys in general; the ones who preferred to stick to texting were more flighty, not interested in anything serious, etc. In general, keeping communication at the text level--rather than upgrading to phone calls--is an easy way to "stay in touch" with someone, while maintaining both physical and emotional unavailability/distance.)


I think this is a good idea. In some ways, I'm hesitant to implement the rule simply because I HATE talking on the phone. But perhaps that's *me *being emotionally unavailable or distant? I've always hated it, even with my closest friends and family members. I much prefer face-to-face. It could be an introverted thing; not being able to read someone's body language and terrified of those awkward silences that can happen after the "how are you's" "I'm fine" introductions. 

Texting is great in the way you can touch base all day long if you chose, but you definitely don't get into any kind of in-depth conversations, and I agree it doesn't tend to advance the conversation and the relationship.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Here is an article he wrote on being single: Spinning My Wheels: Meditations on Being Single
> 
> Initially, I thought it was clever (I read it before we went out), and now... I think it's just sad. He was good on paper, but in person, not so much.
> 
> But now, as I re-read his article, I don't see anything in the article (or when we met in person) to indicate that he's made any effort to up his game, or increase his appeal to the opposite sex. Instead of working on himself, he seems to see nothing wrong with bemoaning his fate and wondering why a woman won't just love and accept him as he is. Hmm.


So, that was the dude with stackable crates for drawers? And surprised you wouldn't sleep with him after 2 beers and awkwardness? You can do better than that FIP. How long has he been single? I read another one of his articles and it looks like he had a fiancé at least through 4/21/15 when this article was published: Other huff blog post


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Spacing it out is good, it forces you take things slow. I'm glad you had a good time!
> 
> Is this the gal that you were worried liked you too much before you even met?
> 
> 
> 
> When she said you guys should get together, did you text or call her? My guess is no. She made herself "available" (suggesting that you get together), and you soft-rejected her by not following up. She still wants to get together--that's why she came over to chat--but she doesn't want to make the offer a second time, if she's only going to get soft-rejected again.
> 
> 
> 
> OK, you guys have been out once? Or twice? You need to start talking on the phone. Texting gets old quick, and doesn't help you to get to know a person.
> 
> (Personally, I'm thinking of implementing a calling rule. In my experience, guys who have been good about calling have generally been better guys in general; the ones who preferred to stick to texting were more flighty, not interested in anything serious, etc. In general, keeping communication at the text level--rather than upgrading to phone calls--is an easy way to "stay in touch" with someone, while maintaining both physical and emotional unavailability/distance.)


1st-- Yes, the girl is the one I saw Friday IS the one that I was worried about too much texting before we had actually met. Friday was the second time we had met in person...and FUNNY you should say that about calling-- though I do not love talking on the phone I was planning on calling tonight.

2nd-- The FWB-- this is the girl that gave me the same feeling that J-Dawg gave you. Maybe not to the extent but your story of him definitely rang a bell. Last april-June (approx) we were getting together 2-3 times a WEEK and involved her getting sitters sometimes (a big deal for single parent); then July she pulled back hard, very suddenly (newly divorced so understandable, whatever happened) and since then it has been a few times in July, a few times randomly through Aug-Sept, she did bring be soup after half my lung was removed in Oct and came over just before t-giving and we had awesome sex (as always between us). I will say that i have not hounded her, it is not like i have not made it clear I would like to see her. She stopped making the time for that. I get the "she came over to talk to me and is interested" thing and I believe it may be accurate but it is one of those things where I never know where she is going to 'be' so to speak.


----------



## MRR

FIP-- just a quick blurb from his blog....

I know my physical appearance isn't particularly helping the cause, but there are plenty of married people less attractive than me. I realize that my personality alone will forever preclude me from being a "chick magnet," but I swear it's not that hard to find a married person more defective than I am. Believe me, I get that I don't score well on anybody's "coolness" scale, but again, there must be lots of married people who are more socially awkward than myself, even if my sole sense of purpose or amusement in life comes from maintaining a daily necktie blog. I understand the unfortunate but absolute fact of life that money makes a man a lot more desirable, and most men I know earn more of it than I do. But compare my salary with the median income in this country, and statistics seem to suggest I take home more than many married men.

******************

I guess...sounds like feeling entitled to some amazing woman for no real reason to me. Also, yes it is EASY to find people less perfect that are happily married. I have never said this out loud, but when I see a married couple that I find unattractive, my thoughts are ...wow, I am glad they found each other. one or both probably wondered if they WOULD ever find someone. 

Not bashing on your date, and maybe biased by your post about him but yeah, he doesnt seem like a very happy person. Wow, not even 35 and he thinks his ship has sailed?


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> So, that was the dude with stackable crates for drawers? And surprised you wouldn't sleep with him after 2 beers and awkwardness? You can do better than that FIP. How long has he been single? I read another one of his articles and it looks like he had a fiancé at least through 4/21/15 when this article was published: Other huff blog post


Yes, that was the dude with stackable crates for drawers. Yeah, I can do better 

I didn't see THIS article--I only read a few--so this is my first hearing of a former (?) fiance. Hmmm. We didn't really talk about past relationships, as it was only a first date.


----------



## FeministInPink

SARAHMCD said:


> I think this is a good idea. In some ways, I'm hesitant to implement the rule simply because I HATE talking on the phone. But perhaps that's *me *being emotionally unavailable or distant? I've always hated it, even with my closest friends and family members. I much prefer face-to-face. It could be an introverted thing; not being able to read someone's body language and terrified of those awkward silences that can happen after the "how are you's" "I'm fine" introductions.
> 
> Texting is great in the way you can touch base all day long if you chose, but you definitely don't get into any kind of in-depth conversations, and I agree it doesn't tend to advance the conversation and the relationship.


You know, I'm not a big phone person either, with a few notable exceptions. Me feeling is that if I feel like I could talk to you for hours in person, that should carry over to the phone. But it's only necessary if we're not close enough to see each other regularly. I hate talking on the phone, but I've been known to have phone marathons with people I've really clicked with, or with whom am very close. It's a very small number.

ETA: What I'm saying is, given my aversion to speaking on the phone, if I WANT to speak with a guy on the phone and if we speak on the phone and I don't want to hang up, if I just want to keep talking, then we really have something. It's a BFD.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> FIP-- just a quick blurb from his blog....
> 
> I know my physical appearance isn't particularly helping the cause, but there are plenty of married people less attractive than me. I realize that my personality alone will forever preclude me from being a "chick magnet," but I swear it's not that hard to find a married person more defective than I am. Believe me, I get that I don't score well on anybody's "coolness" scale, but again, there must be lots of married people who are more socially awkward than myself, even if my sole sense of purpose or amusement in life comes from maintaining a daily necktie blog. I understand the unfortunate but absolute fact of life that money makes a man a lot more desirable, and most men I know earn more of it than I do. But compare my salary with the median income in this country, and statistics seem to suggest I take home more than many married men.
> 
> ******************
> 
> I guess...sounds like feeling entitled to some amazing woman for no real reason to me. Also, yes it is EASY to find people less perfect that are happily married. I have never said this out loud, but when I see a married couple that I find unattractive, my thoughts are ...wow, I am glad they found each other. one or both probably wondered if they WOULD ever find someone.
> 
> Not bashing on your date, and maybe biased by your post about him but yeah, he doesnt seem like a very happy person. Wow, not even 35 and he thinks his ship has sailed?


Yeah, ALL OF THIS. He's not a movie star, but he's not unattractive either. He's average-looking, I guess, which might even work in his favor--a lot of women I know would rather date an average-looking guy than a movie-star looking guy any day of the week. And attractiveness is all in the eye of the beholder, right? 

I'm with you on the unattractive couple thing... I knew this guy and girl that got together in college, and I'll be honest, they both fell on the low end of the scale. They were both wonderful, brilliant, friendly people; I adored both of them. And then, during senior year, they got together, and it was like a freaking Disney movie, they were so crazy in love. And honestly, it was a beautiful thing. He treated her like an absolute princess, and she absolutely adored him. They've been married for 14 years now, or something like that.

"I guess...sounds like feeling entitled to some amazing woman for no real reason to me."

YES. I couldn't put my finger on it, but you nailed it on the head. This reminds me of...










(No offense intended to any of my white male TAMers friends here.)

Like... just because he has a penis and a job (and his above-national-median pay doesn't go quite so far in DC/NOVA), that should be all it takes to get a pretty woman. God forbid she would expect him to be interesting, funny, and articulate as well. If she does, her expectations are too high.

And no, I don't think he is a happy person. And I think that comes through in his essays a bit. Something of an Eeyore personality, I'd say. As I said, he wished his life was more interesting or exciting, but he doesn't DO anything about it, to make his life more interesting or exciting.


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha, thank you! I know my mom is wrong. My mom is wrong in ALL TYPES of ways.
> 
> My mom was always forcing me to be friends with kids that didn't have any friends. ("He's weird, Mom. And he smells bad." "He's just misunderstood, he needs a friend." "I think he tortures puppies, I really don't want to be friends with him." "That's only because he doesn't have any friends. Go play with him.") Because it was the _Christian thing to do_. (Meanwhile, she forbade me from being friends with some really nice kids because their parents had money and we were poor, and she thought that they all looked down on us--which wasn't true at all--and therefore we had the moral high ground, and so I wasn't allowed to be friends with them.) She persisted in this when it came to dating, and tried to convince me that I should date all the weird, lonely boys. ("You should date him. He's such a nice boy." "I am not interested in him at all, I don't find him remotely attractive, and he is weird." "He's such a nice boy, and I think he's lonely." "You want me to pity-date him?" "It would be so nice for him to get to go out with a girl, he's probably never been on a date." "So, what? You want me to pity fvck him, too?")
> 
> *Note: these are not EXACT quotes, but it's pretty much how these types of conversations went. Except that I never said "pity fvck" to my mom. Although I really wanted to.
> 
> But... yeah. I never listen to anything my mom says, not anymore. But that doesn't mean that I don't still have her little voice in my ear all the time. Now, I pretty much do the exact opposite of whatever it says.
> 
> 
> 
> I know, I was kind of like, WTF? Part of me wondered how he manages, just in general. And part of me thinks, is he sad? His life would make me sad.
> 
> Here is an article he wrote on being single: Spinning My Wheels: Meditations on Being Single
> 
> Initially, I thought it was clever (I read it before we went out), and now... I think it's just sad. He was good on paper, but in person, not so much.
> 
> But now, as I re-read his article, I don't see anything in the article (or when we met in person) to indicate that he's made any effort to up his game, or increase his appeal to the opposite sex. Instead of working on himself, he seems to see nothing wrong with bemoaning his fate and wondering why a woman won't just love and accept him as he is. Hmm.
> 
> And thank you--I don't really think I'm a bad person, although it is something I struggle with. I identify as a kind person, and as such it's hard to draw a line between taking care of myself and taking care of others. I am constantly questioning, in various scenarios, the importance and value of what I want out of a situation.
> 
> I will definitely check out that book--I would like some assurance that it's just as bad for the guys out there.


FIP, I can relate completely, I invited my snowbunny date to go sledding early NYE, she sat in her truck the whole time, I wondered if I should be hanging out with her or sledding it up with the neighbors...

I kind of split my time between the two options, and we eventually agreed to get some hot cocoa afterwards.

While enjoying the cocoa as our second meeting, and getting to know each other (our first meeting went exactly like yours, even the walking too fast part, I wanted to give her a second chance) she just got up, said "I've got to go now," and flaked out.

I've never felt so disconnected from a human being in my life. I almost want to assume she just wants a fwb, because she isn't investing in any intellectual bonding, but she seems very adamant about looking for a LTR, at least that was the reservation she expressed about meeting me in the first place, knowing I wasn't looking for a LTR at this time and would like to date around.

She's still in contact, at least was up until 2 days ago, and apologized for being flaky.

.....

FIP
If he was aspie, you would know everything about his passions and hobbies by now, lol.

Question: did he move around a lot as a child, maybe military upbringing... Without roots, its hard to develop passions and bond with people. It's also easy to live out of plastic crates.


----------



## ne9907

Favorable physical appearance is not as important at my age (38yo). I am starting to believe it is not extremely important anymore except for OLD because well that is the first thing people see. 
I am rambling... Anyway. I am hot. 

Has anyone been to Egypt? I am planning a 9 day all inclusive trip for moi. I feel as if the fee is a bit high. 3.5K. I paid less when I went to Peru. 
Help!!! I got a cool Star Wars sweater from a co worker for Christmas!! I was on holiday
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> a lot of women I know would rather date an average-looking guy than a movie-star looking guy any day of the week.


:scratchhead:

One of the many mysteries of wimmens that I shall never understand!

We pretty boys need love too!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> And no, I don't think he is a happy person. And I think that comes through in his essays a bit. Something of an Eeyore personality, I'd say. As I said, he wished his life was more interesting or exciting, but he doesn't DO anything about it, to make his life more interesting or exciting.


He's waiting for his Manic Pixie Dream Girl to fix his life.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Well, I broke out of my hermit hole and registered on PoF. I'd been lurking for a while, kind of window shopping research, and finally saw someone who intrigued me.

I sent a message, got a couple back, and then a "don't think we'd have a spark." Not even an in person date first. Which basically means I'm ugly? Old? I know I was on the high end of the age range. Oh well. Back to lurking for another year before I see someone else promising.

I don't have time to devote to it to weed out chaff in person on less than promising profiles.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> And no, I don't think he is a happy person. And I think that comes through in his essays a bit. Something of an Eeyore personality, I'd say. As I said, he wished his life was more interesting or exciting, but he doesn't DO anything about it, to make his life more interesting or exciting.


Ugh. I find that so unattractive. I half-jokingly said something not long ago on here about the profile names... like "SighBackYetAgain" or "LonelyGuyin2015". Eeyore - exactly!

FWIW, I have female friends like this, too. Make things happen for yourself. No one else is going to!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> You know, I'm not a big phone person either, with a few notable exceptions. Me feeling is that if I feel like I could talk to you for hours in person, that should carry over to the phone. But it's only necessary if we're not close enough to see each other regularly. I hate talking on the phone, but I've been known to have phone marathons with people I've really clicked with, or with whom am very close. It's a very small number.
> 
> ETA: What I'm saying is, given my aversion to speaking on the phone, if I WANT to speak with a guy on the phone and if we speak on the phone and I don't want to hang up, if I just want to keep talking, then we really have something. It's a BFD.


I dont like talking on the phone like I used to. I think texting has me spoiled now, I guess its my introversion. I guess its not really a good thing tho, because I have been texting with guys from an OLD site before and when they asked if we could chat on the phone, I was like a deer in the headlights! I dont know, maybe that was a sign that there was something I wasnt really digging about them or something. 

That said, there are conversations that should be talked about live though, for sure.


----------



## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> Ugh. I find that so unattractive. I half-jokingly said something not long ago on here about the profile names... like "SighBackYetAgain" or "LonelyGuyin2015". Eeyore - exactly!
> 
> FWIW, I have female friends like this, too. Make things happen for yourself. No one else is going to!


Could be worse, mine was "Playboy", and in my profile I went "I'm a playboy, beware!" Though if they read a few more lines they would have realised I was just taking the piss outta what some other women accused me of being 

Hehe

I just can't take human breeding rituals seriously


----------



## gouge_away

I like Michal Scott's choice of OLD name, "littlekidlover." I would use that, but mose people wouldn't get it, unless they're fans of the Office.


----------



## MRR

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Well, I broke out of my hermit hole and registered on PoF. I'd been lurking for a while, kind of window shopping research, and finally saw someone who intrigued me.
> 
> I sent a message, got a couple back, and then a "don't think we'd have a spark." Not even an in person date first. Which basically means I'm ugly? Old? I know I was on the high end of the age range. Oh well. Back to lurking for another year before I see someone else promising.
> 
> I don't have time to devote to it to weed out chaff in person on less than promising profiles.


If you are going to be real sensitive and tend to take things personally then OLD is not for you. 

If you can truly go into it with NO expectations, taking nothing personally, and enjoy the moment, you will be surprised. 

Respect another person's choice to NOT go out with you, or even respond to you.


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> 1st-- Yes, the girl is the one I saw Friday IS the one that I was worried about too much texting before we had actually met. Friday was the second time we had met in person...and FUNNY you should say that about calling-- though I do not love talking on the phone I was planning on calling tonight.
> 
> 2nd-- The FWB-- this is the girl that gave me the same feeling that J-Dawg gave you. Maybe not to the extent but your story of him definitely rang a bell. Last april-June (approx) we were getting together 2-3 times a WEEK and involved her getting sitters sometimes (a big deal for single parent); then July she pulled back hard, very suddenly (newly divorced so understandable, whatever happened) and since then it has been a few times in July, a few times randomly through Aug-Sept, she did bring be soup after half my lung was removed in Oct and came over just before t-giving and we had awesome sex (as always between us). I will say that i have not hounded her, it is not like i have not made it clear I would like to see her. She stopped making the time for that. I get the "she came over to talk to me and is interested" thing and I believe it may be accurate but it is one of those things where I never know where she is going to 'be' so to speak.


Ok, so one other thing on this that I may have mentioned FIP-- FWB has been living with ex and kids; her divorce was final maybe 3 weeks before we met in April and she is just moving out, I think 1/15, into an apt. We have a few common friends on FB and a week or so ago I noticed there was a new one, a guy I went to hs with, and I asked her (text) how she knew him. She acted like she had no idea who I was talking about, then said oh i just looked him up, we talked on ******* or match but have never met. Then, since I am friends with both, I started seeing her 'like' his posts. 

I 'unfollowed' both so I dont have to worry about it as it is hard to let your paranoia run wild, esp when someone kinda pulled back that you really liked, though as stated before if she had been more chasing me I may (or may not) have grown tired of her. But instead I was more anxious about when I would see her again for awhile. 

In any case, we WILL see each other at least occasionally due to kid's schools/kids' circle of friends. Sunday was a bit awkwared, maybe, i dont know she was asking questions and i didnt have a lot to say. And I am wondering if, now that she will actually have 3-4 days/nights without kids every week, she will want to see me. 

As far as seeing both, it feels uncomfortable to me even though there is no commitment with either. I am not used to it yet even though it really should be no big deal, though with FWB we would almost certainly sleep together if we got together. 

I am not really worried about either case, but it is nice to get the thoughts out there to clear the system...


----------



## bkyln309

MRR said:


> If you are going to be real sensitive and tend to take things personally then OLD is not for you.
> 
> If you can truly go into it with NO expectations, taking nothing personally, and enjoy the moment, you will be surprised.
> 
> Respect another person's choice to NOT go out with you, or even respond to you.



I agree. You are not ready for OLD. I think it was great the person was upfront enough to tell you and not waste your time. There are plenty of men I would like to date but they arent interested. I appreciate the honesty.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Well, I broke out of my hermit hole and registered on PoF. I'd been lurking for a while, kind of window shopping research, and finally saw someone who intrigued me.
> 
> I sent a message, got a couple back, and then a "don't think we'd have a spark." Not even an in person date first. Which basically means I'm ugly? Old? I know I was on the high end of the age range. Oh well. Back to lurking for another year before I see someone else promising.
> 
> I don't have time to devote to it to weed out chaff in person on less than promising profiles.


I had someone pull this on me recently (before I deleted my accounts). I was like, seriously? What in the context of our 6 message exchange was a deal breaker for you? Nothing of import or weight have even been said yet--how can you make that judgement off of what comes down to a few sentences.

It has been proven to me--on multiple occasions--that someone who looks fantastic on their profile, and with whom you seem to have an incredible spark with via text/messaging, can be a complete DUD in real life. The converse must be possible then, right? That someone who may seem ho-hum on-screen might be a FANTASTIC match in person with amazing chemistry.

(And I know, I KNOW! Someone is going to say to me, FiP, doesn't your Matrix of Elimination mean that you might be doing essentially the SAME THING to people with whom you might click with in person? 

To that, I say, NO. The Matrix of Elimination removes people with whom I would have basic compatibility issues/dealbreakers.)


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Hopeful Cynic said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I broke out of my hermit hole and registered on PoF. I'd been lurking for a while, kind of window shopping research, and finally saw someone who intrigued me.
> 
> I sent a message, got a couple back, and then a "don't think we'd have a spark." Not even an in person date first. Which basically means I'm ugly? Old? I know I was on the high end of the age range. Oh well. Back to lurking for another year before I see someone else promising.
> 
> I don't have time to devote to it to weed out chaff in person on less than promising profiles.
> 
> 
> 
> If you are going to be real sensitive and tend to take things personally then OLD is not for you.
> 
> If you can truly go into it with NO expectations, taking nothing personally, and enjoy the moment, you will be surprised.
> 
> Respect another person's choice to NOT go out with you, or even respond to you.
Click to expand...

She's not being sensitive. (And BTW, she has a right to her feelings.)

The point is that the guy should never have responded in the first place. He was clearly wasting her time. If he said, after only 3 messages, that they don't have a "spark," it couldn't possible have had anything to do with those three messages. It must have been something on her profile, and in that case, he should have never responded in the first place.

It's like guys on OLD who send you a good, thought-out initial message, so you're intrigued and respond, and then you never get a response from them, except maybe they block you. If you're not interested, why send the message in the first place? 

It's a big fvcking waste of the woman's time. It's plain rude. Everyone is busy. We have busy lives, and people don't have endless hours to waste on OLD. (Well, maybe some do. But the people WORTH dating don't have a lot of time to spend on OLD.)


----------



## MRR

FIP, woman do it to. Point is, you cannot control how someone else behaves and you should not let that behaviour affect your attitude. Believe me, I have had DOZENS of women correspond and then ignore me. The one's I appreciated are the ones that actually said to me, i dont think there is a spark. 

The rest I learned to not even worry about. It is not personal. Yes, she has a right to her feelings, but we are talking about complete strangers here. They dont owe us anything and we should not give them the power to affect us. If people we do not know have that power, OLD is likely not going to work for that individual because you cannot avoid it.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> She's not being sensitive. (And BTW, she has a right to her feelings.)
> 
> The point is that the guy should never have responded in the first place. He was clearly wasting her time. If he said, after only 3 messages, that they don't have a "spark," it couldn't possible have had anything to do with those three messages. It must have been something on her profile, and in that case, he should have never responded in the first place.
> 
> It's like guys on OLD who send you a good, thought-out initial message, so you're intrigued and respond, and then you never get a response from them, except maybe they block you. If you're not interested, why send the message in the first place?
> 
> It's a big fvcking waste of the woman's time. It's plain rude. Everyone is busy. We have busy lives, and people don't have endless hours to waste on OLD. (Well, maybe some do. But the people WORTH dating don't have a lot of time to spend on OLD.)


I dont have a problem if I have an email exchange with someone and they just dont feel it no matter what the reason. It works both ways. I dont think that is a waste of time. It might not have been in the profile but maybe the "banter" back and forth just lefft him with the ho hums. Who knows. He has a right to decline as does she. I know I have messaged someone and after chatting, I thought no I dont think I want to go further. No harm, no foul

I would be more upset if he had doubts about meeting me and then met me, and wasted my time.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> *FIP, woman do it to.* Point is, you cannot control how someone else behaves and you should not let that behaviour affect your attitude. Believe me, I have had DOZENS of women correspond and then ignore me. The one's I appreciated are the ones that actually said to me, i dont think there is a spark.
> 
> The rest I learned to not even worry about. It is not personal. Yes, she has a right to her feelings, but we are talking about complete strangers here. They dont owe us anything and we should not give them the power to affect us. If people we do not know have that power, OLD is likely not going to work for that individual because you cannot avoid it.


Oh, I believe you. I can only talk about guys because I only exchange messages with guys.

I am reminded, once again, that I am an anomaly. I generally only reach out to men whom I've already decided that I want to meet in person (based on their profile), and I will respond if I'm genuinely interested/intrigued by something in their profile. And the purpose of OLD is to actually date and meet people, right? Why would I waste my time with people that I don't want to meet. 

That's why I don't understand the whole fishing mentality, but then again, that mentality is why people don't respond to messages most of the time. Everyone assumes that everyone else is just fishing, so no one ever believes that ANY message they receive is a genuine expression of interest, and so they take very few (if any!) inquiries seriously.


----------



## MRR

I will be honest, when I signed up for match.com I planned on not actually meeting anyone from there. I just did it because I was single, and I could. (Implication being I could not do it when I was married). 

So everything that happened after that was just gravy, including people that came and went via messages, dates, FWB, etc. The most important thing to me is how much I have learned about myself and others, and connections, relationship dynamics, human interaction and so forth. It has been much more than I ever expected, both the good and the bad. Glad I did it, but I think the lack of expectation has allowed me to not take stuff too seriously or too personally.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> I dont have a problem if I have an email exchange with someone and they just dont feel it no matter what the reason. It works both ways. I dont think that is a waste of time. It might not have been in the profile but *maybe the "banter" back and forth just lefft him with the ho hums*. Who knows. He has a right to decline as does she. I know I have messaged someone and after chatting, I thought no I dont think I want to go further. No harm, no foul


That's thing, he didn't even give her time to banter. It sounds like he basically said "hello, how are you?" and then decided they didn't have a spark. I can understand having an actual conversation/chatting, and deciding you don't want it to go further. That makes absolute sense. What I'm saying is that it didn't even get THAT far. 

My point is that if you're not willing to actually have a short conversation with someone, don't initiate/respond. That's all I'm saying.



bkyln309 said:


> I would be more upset if he had doubts about meeting me and then met me, and wasted my time.


Now, THIS. I really think it depends. It would p!ss me off if he had doubts but suggested we get together anyway. But if I did the asking, and he agreed, thinking that he had doubts but maybe in-person would be better, I would appreciate that he at least gave me a chance, even if it turns out we didn't click.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I will be honest, when I signed up for match.com I planned on not actually meeting anyone from there. I just did it because I was single, and I could. (Implication being I could not do it when I was married).
> 
> So everything that happened after that was just gravy, including people that came and went via messages, dates, FWB, etc. The most important thing to me is how much I have learned about myself and others, and connections, relationship dynamics, human interaction and so forth. It has been much more than I ever expected, both the good and the bad. Glad I did it, but I think the lack of expectation has allowed me to not take stuff too seriously or too personally.



See, now this kind of thing irritates me... just a little bit. I'm glad that you had a good experience and all, but all the non-serious people means there are that many more BS profiles that I have to wade through to find the guys who are actually serious about meeting a partner. I'm glad it was gravy for you, but everyone's gravy drowns out and hides the meat and potatoes that I'm looking for.

And SOOO many people LIE on their profiles about their relationship status and what they are looking for. (They are the fat in the gravy, clogging my arteries.)

People have said that if you're seriously looking, then you need to try eharmony or match, because that's where the serious people are. And you've just proved that to be wrong.

But there definitely aren't very many (or any?) serious people on POF or OKC, not that I've seen.

I need to figure out how to hack the system.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> See, now this kind of thing irritates me... just a little bit. I'm glad that you had a good experience and all, but all the non-serious people means there are that many more BS profiles that I have to wade through to find the guys who are actually serious about meeting a partner. I'm glad it was gravy for you, but everyone's gravy drowns out and hides the meat and potatoes that I'm looking for.
> 
> And SOOO many people LIE on their profiles about their relationship status and what they are looking for. (They are the fat in the gravy, clogging my arteries.)
> 
> People have said that if you're seriously looking, then you need to try eharmony or match, because that's where the serious people are. And you've just proved that to be wrong.
> 
> But there definitely aren't very many (or any?) serious people on POF or OKC, not that I've seen.
> 
> I need to figure out how to hack the system.


I think there are all types of relationships online that people are looking for. Some of them are casual, FWB, just looking, open relationships and serious ones. 

I have no problem with MRR just putting his feelers out there seeing if he is ready. But he should make it clear from the get go that he isnt sure what he is looking for at the moment. That should either be stated in the profile or in the messages sent back and forth.


Honestly if I break up with OM, I think I just want to go on alot of first or second dates. Really play the field, meet people and keep it casual. 

Currently on my profile (instead of de-activating it) I put in BOLD Letters NOT DATING. If someone messages me, I tell them I have friends who I communicate with through OLD so I leave things up. 

I think CLARITY online is what is needed.


----------



## MRR

Well, if I had gone on there with the intentions of finding something/someone, I would be one of the people constantly complaining about OLD. Instead, I met a lot of great people I would not have and appreciate it for what it is. I also understand that people are on there looking to get married, have kids, or just have their ego stroked by getting messages of how gorgeous they are without any intent to meet anyone -- this goes either way. I guess I just dont worry too much about that. I have plenty of people on there either ignoring me or saying they are not interested (mostly ignoring me) but I have also set up meetings, gone on multiple dates and had fun. 

I am not too worried about most of it. You may say it is annoying that I am not 'serious' about it, but I am very open to meeting and seeing where it goes. Definitely interested in THAT-- which is what I would think you are wanting. By not taking it 'seriously' I mean that I do not expect to find a wife, and I do not care what others think, and most importantly I do not get upset when interactions dont happen the way I want or when women do not respond, and frankly, they do not respond at least 80% of the time. Dont care. Moving on.


----------



## ne9907

I forgot my ex husband's SSN!

That is all <3


----------



## gouge_away

I will keep meeting people until I find somebody that makes me want to stop meeting people. It is like fishing, exactly like catch and release until I find a keeper.

I'm not going to pretend I'm serious, or get butthurt because I have to toss a bunch back in the water.

Women just don't like touching fish, so if its not a keeper they don't want it near their line.

I guess the only ones I don't like are the ones that swallow that damn hook, you know the ones, where you just want to cut the line and hope they don't die.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Well, if I had gone on there with the intentions of finding something/someone, I would be one of the people constantly complaining about OLD. Instead, I met a lot of great people I would not have and appreciate it for what it is. I also understand that people are on there looking to get married, have kids, or just have their ego stroked by getting messages of how gorgeous they are without any intent to meet anyone -- this goes either way. I guess I just dont worry too much about that. I have plenty of people on there either ignoring me or saying they are not interested (mostly ignoring me) but I have also set up meetings, gone on multiple dates and had fun.
> 
> I am not too worried about most of it. You may say it is annoying that I am not 'serious' about it, but *I am very open to meeting and seeing where it goes. Definitely interested in THAT-- which is what I would think you are wanting. *By not taking it 'seriously' I mean that I do not expect to find a wife, and I do not care what others think, and most importantly I do not get upset when interactions dont happen the way I want or when women do not respond, and frankly, they do not respond at least 80% of the time. Dont care. Moving on.


Actually, NO, that's not what I want. I'm not interest in meeting a guy who doesn't have clear goals or intentions, in terms of what he is looking for. From our conversations, I've gathered that you're still in a place where you're not really sure if you're ready for a relationship, maybe you'd like some companionship, but you're not quite sure if you want something serious. You and I are at two VERY different post-divorce places. And I have no interest in messing around with someone who isn't sure if he wants a serious relationship or not. (Or someone who wants to keep it casual until he decides if he wants something more.)

I'm not saying it's a bad place to be, or that there's anything wrong with that. We've all been there. 

But that's a fence-sitting perspective. On the receiving end, it makes me feel like, well, I'll see you occasionally until I see something else that catches my attention, and then I might drop you like a hot potato. Or you'll just have to sit and wait it out while I date both of you. Which may be OK, if the girl on the receiving end also wants to keep it casual, which means that you also could be dumped suddenly and with no explanation at all.

It can be a very flippant attitude to have, and it tends to dehumanize people. It makes them disposable. That's what I don't like about it. And from what I have seen, there is just too much of it in OLD.

I'm interested in meeting men who are interested in finding a LTR and who are compatible with me (and who smell good), a man who has a clear idea of what he wants and is actively looking for it. I understand that in meeting such a man, I'm not guaranteed to get a click. I'm not guaranteed to get a second date, or a third. I'm not guaranteed to get a relationship. He and I could date for two or three months, and then it ends, and I'm back at the drawing board.

But I'm more likely to find it with him, than with someone who says, "I'm open to meeting and seeing how it goes." That sounds pretty indiscriminate to me. I'm looking for something pretty specific, and the guy who's going to jive with me is going to be looking for something pretty specific, too. It's pretty much guaranteed that Mr. Open isn't going to be what I'm looking for.

I'm glad you've met people, made friends, had fun, and learned about yourself. That's awesome. But I don't need or want OLD for any of that. I want it to find potential LTR partners, and I wasn't getting what I needed from OLD. I was getting a lot of what I DIDN'T want: requests for casual sex/dating, poly guys or couples looking for a third, friendships, lots of fishing, some guys just wanting someone to chat with online but who never seemed to want to meet in person, or guys who were clearly a horrible match (with dealbreakers all over the place, both his and mine) who I assume simply messaged me on the basis of my pictures (if they even read that far). 

Which is why I shut down my accounts. It's not that I'm too serious about it. I know some people won't message me back. I know not everyone's going to like me, and I stopped giving a sh!t about what other people think of me a while ago. The reason is there is too much bullsh!t and too many red herring that get in the way of meeting the men who might be a good fit for me.


----------



## MRR

Ok, so you are upset if people message you and then stop, but if they keep messaging you and then agree to meet, but dont know if they want a LTR, thats not ok either? I can see why you shut down your accounts FIP. There are millions of people, and from what I understand far more men than women, in the OLD world. Most of them want different things and all have the right to utilize it how they see fit; just as you have the right to not utilize it. I get the complaints but like I said, if I had real expectations I would be complaining too. But since I expect nothing, the fact that I have gained something makes it a positive. 

I am totally open to LTR but I am not going to decide I want LTR before I meet the person I want exclusivity with. Yes, it is true that I will not go on a first date---> actually just a first 'meeting'-- with the intentions of dating. I go there to meet that person with NO intentions and no expectations. And I am open to taking it further. But no, I am not on there explicitely to lock down someone into an exclusive long term relationship. 

I am not flippant about anything and have told several people right away that I think they are great and dont feel like there is anything romantic, and I have been told the same thing (by people I WAS interested in). I am respectful and aware of my needs, and even respectful of the fact that they have the right to ignore me/my messages-- which as I indicated previously is typically what happens.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> I will be honest, when I signed up for match.com I planned on not actually meeting anyone from there. I just did it because I was single, and I could. (Implication being I could not do it when I was married).
> 
> So everything that happened after that was just gravy, including people that came and went via messages, dates, FWB, etc. The most important thing to me is how much I have learned about myself and others, and connections, relationship dynamics, human interaction and so forth. It has been much more than I ever expected, both the good and the bad. Glad I did it, but I think the lack of expectation has allowed me to not take stuff too seriously or too personally.


I would agree with this, with the exception that Match is a paid site. I have lower expectations of Pof, ******* and Tinder. I waited to do Match until my divorce was final, and I have had one (yes ONE) date from Match in nearly a year. I've said it on here before that I think men and women have unrealistic expectations with OLD. I'm in agreement with MRR about being grateful for what I have learned with the dates I have had, etc. I think Match was a giant waste of my money, though. I can get propositioned on free sites. When it happens on a site I paid for, I just feel...icky.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> I need to figure out how to hack the system.


When you figure that out, girl, you let me know. :grin2:


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> But that's a fence-sitting perspective. On the receiving end, it makes me feel like, well, I'll see you occasionally until I see something else that catches my attention, and then I might drop you like a hot potato. Or you'll just have to sit and wait it out while I date both of you. Which may be OK, if the girl on the receiving end also wants to keep it casual, which means that you also could be dumped suddenly and with no explanation at all.
> 
> It can be a very flippant attitude to have, and *it tends to dehumanize people. It makes them disposable. * That's what I don't like about it. And from what I have seen, there is just too much of it in OLD.


I think I am understanding where you are coming from, MRR, and I think I was at that stage awhile ago. But I think many of us reach a point where that becomes old and tired. I know that's where I am now, and what FIP says above is spot on for me, too.


----------



## bkyln309

TooNice said:


> I would agree with this, with the exception that Match is a paid site. I have lower expectations of Pof, ******* and Tinder. I waited to do Match until my divorce was final, and I have had one (yes ONE) date from Match in nearly a year. I've said it on here before that I think men and women have unrealistic expectations with OLD. I'm in agreement with MRR about being grateful for what I have learned with the dates I have had, etc. I think Match was a giant waste of my money, though. I can get propositioned on free sites. When it happens on a site I paid for, I just feel...icky.


Honestly I had the worse luck on Match. I did much better on OKC than any paid site. Just because it is paid doesnt mean the matches are better or people want LTR. In fact, most people were on both sites. And since its a dating site, that means all kinds of dating not just LTR.

But I am at the place I am not sure what I want (and I am currently seeing only one person).


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> *Ok, so you are upset if people message you and then stop, but if they keep messaging you and then agree to meet, but dont know if they want a LTR, thats not ok either*? I can see why you shut down your accounts FIP. There are millions of people, and from what I understand far more men than women, in the OLD world. Most of them want different things and all have the right to utilize it how they see fit; just as you have the right to not utilize it. I get the complaints but like I said, if I had real expectations I would be complaining too. But since I expect nothing, the fact that I have gained something makes it a positive.


No, again, that's NOT what I'm saying.

Being open to a LTR /= Specifically looking for an LTR

I don't expect someone to know whether they want a LTR *with me* before we meet! That is completely preposterous and presumptuous. But I specifically listed on my accounts that I was looking for an LTR; my goal in dating, whether it is OLD or via speed dating or whatever, is to meet a LTR partner. I am looking for someone who has that same goal in dating.

Someone who is "open" to an LTR, or who *doesn't know *it they want an LTR, has different goals in dating as I do.

If someone messages me, and it's clear from their profile that their goals are different than mine, I don't respond (I won't message them directly, either). If it's unclear from their profile, I'll respond, but the question is going to come up sooner rather than later, because I'm not interested in playing around anymore. If they don't know what they want, they'll get ruled out before it gets to the point of meeting. 

Sorry, not sorry--I don't have time for people that don't know what they want out of their time on earth. I did the whole, "I'm open to whatever and I'm just here to meet new people and have fun!" thing already, because _I didn't know what I wanted_ at the time. And it was completely unsatisfying. I had a little bit of fun. I also met a sh!t ton of guys who were looking for a quick lay, and when I didn't pony up after a first date, I never heard from them again (even though they were falling all over me on our date). I've met guys who have tried to sexually assault me on elevators, guys who used "I could see myself in an LTR with you" to get me into bed. I've been stood up more times than I can count, and I've met a lot of incredibly flaky people. I met ONE cool guy who I would really enjoy being friends with, because we had no chemistry, but apparently he's not looking for friends, so there's that. All of that was what I found, even going in with no expectations.


----------



## FeministInPink

And, @MRR--I didn't mean to imply that YOU are flippant. I don't think that you are. Not now. I think you are quite thoughtful. 

But the longer one fence-sits, the more likely that one will become flippant. I've seen it happen to other TAMers--men AND women--who are quality people otherwise. The flippancy is, on some level, a defense mechanism. Toss out the other person before they have a chance to do that to you.


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> I will keep meeting people until I find somebody that makes me want to stop meeting people. It is like fishing, exactly like catch and release until I find a keeper.
> 
> I'm not going to pretend I'm serious, or get butthurt because I have to toss a bunch back in the water.
> 
> Women just don't like touching fish, so if its not a keeper they don't want it near their line.
> 
> I guess the only ones I don't like are the ones that swallow that damn hook, you know the ones, where you just want to cut the line and hope they don't die.



Lol

Swallow the damn hook

I will date you if you are near 

Lol


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

MRR said:


> Hopeful Cynic said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I broke out of my hermit hole and registered on PoF. I'd been lurking for a while, kind of window shopping research, and finally saw someone who intrigued me.
> 
> I sent a message, got a couple back, and then a "don't think we'd have a spark." Not even an in person date first. Which basically means I'm ugly? Old? I know I was on the high end of the age range. Oh well. Back to lurking for another year before I see someone else promising.
> 
> I don't have time to devote to it to weed out chaff in person on less than promising profiles.
> 
> 
> 
> If you are going to be real sensitive and tend to take things personally then OLD is not for you.
> 
> If you can truly go into it with NO expectations, taking nothing personally, and enjoy the moment, you will be surprised.
> 
> Respect another person's choice to NOT go out with you, or even respond to you.
Click to expand...

Wow I'm surprised to see my offhand comment get this sort of discussion!

I'm not taking it personally, and I am respecting their choice to reject me. I thought it was a very courteous reply, just unexpected. The one profile in months that I found suitable enough to contact, that looked very compatible to me in terms of what we're both like and looking for, and the person didn't even want to meet me. Maybe it's my inexperience at online dating but is there anything else to base that on besides superficiality? It just surprised me, I guess because the person had a very indepth profile that implied interest beyond the superficial, I didn't expect rejection until after a coffee meeting.

Maybe I should do more than just put up some candid photos. I'll give that a try if I ever see another interesting profile show up. The message did say I seemed nice though. Maybe that's the part I should work on!


----------



## tripad

MRR said:


> I am totally open to LTR but I am not going to decide I want LTR before I meet the person I want exclusivity with. Yes, it is true that I will not go on a first date---> actually just a first 'meeting'-- with the intentions of dating. I go there to meet that person with NO intentions and no expectations. And I am open to taking it further. But no, I am not on there explicitely to lock down someone into an exclusive long term relationship.
> 
> .


I have gone from 

being new on OLD to 

being angry by the people who are not reading my profile properly and who are obviously a mismatch to

Being angry by the sex proposals to

Being shock by existence of scammers n cheaters to

Being desensitized by anything there anymore 

N now I am like MMR 

No expectation . find a match . have a coffee . see how it goes .

So far have not found anyone worthwhile to have a date yet

Last week , a guy from match text ( and I didn't even pay for Match as I didn't bother anymore ) , and he is on a mbership which gives other party free reply I guess . so I thought he is nice to do that n I replied . 

Looks wise , he is not my liking as a bf . But he communicated well so far , two emails , genuine conversation . So , he will be worth a date , even if I don't like him as a bf , probably as a friend .

Only thing is he has the same name as my ex H and my college bf whom I dumped . don't think I want a relationship with someone of the same name a third time .


----------



## RandomDude

Waaaaaaaaaaah! WTF is wrong with me today?!

I just picked up this bimbo's number while shopping for new shoes of all things... just to see if I still got it... and sh-t, I still got it! 
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Hehe!

Not going to call her though, no way in hell we can be a match, she's so stereotypically bimbo! But lol, was cute 
Gotta admit, ego is now through the roof... *looks for needle to puncture and deflate it* 

Maybe I'm too sexy for celibacy...?  Hehe
Hmmm... maybe I should call her, if anything she's hot, cute pony tail - always a turn on for me

But... oh hell what am I doing? My lifestyle is so secure in single daddyhood what the fk am I doing getting involved again? 
STUPID BALLSACS!!!


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> STUPID BALLSACS!!!


Well, if that's how you really feel, just cut it off and give it to her already, win:win!


----------



## RandomDude

Just met her and you want me to give her my ballsacs? Meh 

Gotta admit she did make me feel happy, it's been a while, not used to the chemical reactions when dealing romantically with women anymore. I'm better now though.
Maybe I shouldn't have flirted, ignorance is bliss right? Like hell I know what awaits me if I date her, but at the same time it's like reawakening a sleeping dragon.

Then again, maybe she gave me a random number! 
That would destroy my confidence hehe, maybe it's better that she did - if she did. Haven't called her yet, not sure if I should.


----------



## SARAHMCD

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Wow I'm surprised to see my offhand comment get this sort of discussion!
> 
> I'm not taking it personally, and I am respecting their choice to reject me. I thought it was a very courteous reply, just unexpected. The one profile in months that I found suitable enough to contact, that looked very compatible to me in terms of what we're both like and looking for, and the person didn't even want to meet me. Maybe it's my inexperience at online dating but is there anything else to base that on besides superficiality? It just surprised me, I guess because the person had a very indepth profile that implied interest beyond the superficial, I didn't expect rejection until after a coffee meeting.
> 
> Maybe I should do more than just put up some candid photos. I'll give that a try if I ever see another interesting profile show up. The message did say I seemed nice though. Maybe that's the part I should work on!


It is hard to read another's mind into why she felt you "didn't have a spark" without even meeting you. Perhaps that's simply her standard reply to anyone who messages her. Perhaps she's a 6 or 7 looking for a 10. Or perhaps there was something in your profile that stood out to her as a non-match. Like you're a smoker or even if you had bad grammar. Perhaps your profile comes across as too needy - or bitter and angry? Or even not needy enough in her opinion? Who knows what goes through another person's mind. 

OLD really is something you can't take too seriously. You can't control other people's responses(or lack of) or the type of people who are on there. You can just do your best to learn, make your profile and pictures as representative of you as possible and be careful weeding people out. Hope for the best!


----------



## RandomDude

Why not stick to offline? Like hell I just got a random lady's number within 5 minutes. Face to face, I know straight away who I'm dealing with and can read more about her in seconds than what I can read online.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Just met her and you want me to give her my ballsacs? Meh
> 
> Gotta admit she did make me feel happy, it's been a while, not used to the chemical reactions when dealing romantically with women anymore. I'm better now though.
> Maybe I shouldn't have flirted, ignorance is bliss right? Like hell I know what awaits me if I date her, but at the same time it's like reawakening a sleeping dragon.
> 
> Then again, maybe she gave me a random number!
> That would destroy my confidence hehe, maybe it's better that she did - if she did. Haven't called her yet, not sure if I should.


Nothing wrong with having a little fun, RD, even if she's not a good fit for you.

Just don't give her the impression that you want anything serious.

We are sexual creatures. Celibacy does not become us. There's no reason for you to live like a monk. You've taken some significant time away from dating, etc... you're a long way from the guy I met here almost two years ago, who all the time was saying, "I'm horny, I need to RAM something!"

However, I do take issue with you calling her a bimbo. Maybe she's not the brightest lightbulb or whatever, but she's still a human being with feelings. Have a little respect for her... and for yourself. High quality people don't refer to other human beings with derogatory epithets. (Even if the person deserves it...)


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Why not stick to offline? Like hell I just got a random lady's number within 5 minutes. Face to face, I know straight away who I'm dealing with and can read more about her in seconds than what I can read online.


I was doing OLD because I have absolutely no idea how to meet people in real life. I see an attractive man who I would like to speak to IRL, and I turn into a deer in headlights. I can never think of anything to say, I stick my foot in my mouth, I become totally awkward--all of which is totally uncharacteristic and unbecoming of me. And men don't approach/hit on me IRL, and that is what I would really prefer. I need a man who has the cojones to walk up to me and hit on me. If he can't work up that nerve, he won't be a good fit.

I used to be better at it, when I was younger, before I married my XH. I just haven't been able to get that mojo back. Even so, I never found what I wanted or needed when I was OK with doing that. (See end of the above paragraph.)

You, however... RD, you have a serious knack for picking up the ladies. You are good at pickup IRL. It's a skill that many people lack.


----------



## RandomDude

Ah, I meant it in good graces, perhaps my tone doesn't translate very well on the forum. I call myself all sorts of derogatory epithets too but I don't take many things seriously. Also not to say she's stupid, but her general behavior can be seen as very stereotypical, or maybe she was just acting that way because she thought men find it attractive? Who knows. Regardless I meant no offense.

I was pumped with ego and chemicals after the flirtation, not something I'm used to anymore. I doubt I can even really have fun, been on the hand for a while and as a result I know I'll be potential impotent when it comes to doing the deed nowadays. I'll decide whether or not to call her tomorrow, and who knows? Maybe she didn't give me her right number? Then I can go back to celibacy.

Ah hell now I made myself curious... I have to call her and see


----------



## tripad

does it look cheap if I see a man looking at me a second longer and I walk up and get his number ?

That is the thing . I will look cheap and desperate .


----------



## RandomDude

> does it look cheap if I see a man looking at me a second longer and I walk up and get his number ?
> 
> That is the thing . I will look cheap and desperate .





FeministInPink said:


> I was doing OLD because I have absolutely no idea how to meet people in real life. I see an attractive man who I would like to speak to IRL, and I turn into a deer in headlights. I can never think of anything to say, I stick my foot in my mouth, I become totally awkward--all of which is totally uncharacteristic and unbecoming of me. And men don't approach/hit on me IRL, and that is what I would really prefer. I need a man who has the cojones to walk up to me and hit on me. If he can't work up that nerve, he won't be a good fit.
> 
> I used to be better at it, when I was younger, before I married my XH. I just haven't been able to get that mojo back. Even so, I never found what I wanted or needed when I was OK with doing that. (See end of the above paragraph.)
> 
> You, however... RD, you have a serious knack for picking up the ladies. You are good at pickup IRL. It's a skill that many people lack.


Ey? I wouldn't say so. Like, I don't approach a woman romantically if I am uncertain there's a green light. Some guys can just go up to women who show no interest in them and get dates - I'm not like that, as inflated as my ego gets, it can be bruised. So I'm chicken sh-t too 

Speaking of which, maybe that's the thing, Tripad too, just give off signals to the man that you're interested. Hang around him, be suggestive, don't avoid eye contact but don't stare either. It doesn't take a rocket scientist for a man to see an opportunity in front of him. Personally if I don't see the green light I won't accelerate. Road rules and all... And if you made it very obvious and he still doesn't flirt, see if he's lacking in confidence, you can tell with his speech/demeanor, if so you might want to pick up his slack and keep the ball rolling, but if he's confident and doesn't reciprocate your interest then yeah, move on.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Why not stick to offline? Like hell I just got a random lady's number within 5 minutes. Face to face, I know straight away who I'm dealing with and can read more about her in seconds than what I can read online.


And where are these men? Honestly, I rarely see anyone out in public I want to date. Maybe I am just not looking. 

But honestly, I would like the man to approach. Well, a decent one. I seem to attract the ones that I would never date.


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> And where are these men? Honestly, I rarely see anyone out in public I want to date. Maybe I am just not looking.
> 
> But honestly, I would like the man to approach. Well, a decent one. I seem to attract the ones that I would never date.


Really? You mean you can spend a whole day out and not see one attractive male?


----------



## tripad

Let's take an example so we can disect it and study it .

Once I was at a supermarket . There's this decent looking guy who stared at me a few seconds longer than just passing me by in the supermarket aisle . straight in the face . I looked just that 2 s longer so I don't look desperate . ( I am not BTW ) . 

Nothing 

Next week , same time , same place , I see him again ( my son is having class at that timing ) . This time I was with my boy and he stared even longer , at me then at my son then at me , i decided to give him the opp to approach me n i gave him a 2s look then look away , then another 2s look . he stared then he turned n walked off .

I figured he thought I am probably married . :frowning:

Sigh 

I need to stick a label " I am available " ?

Or I approach him and my son go wow mom what you doing


----------



## moco82

Speaking of OLD, are there any worthwhile sites other than Match, *******, or POF if you live in a metro area in the Northeast US?


----------



## moco82

tripad said:


> I need to stick a label " I am available " ?


Make sure your ring finger is always evenly tanned and visible.


----------



## tripad

It is !!!!!!!!

But I am fair skin .


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Let's take an example so we can disect it and study it .
> 
> Once I was at a supermarket . There's this decent looking guy who stared at me a few seconds longer than just passing me by in the supermarket aisle . straight in the face . I looked just that 2 s longer so I don't look desperate . ( I am not BTW ) .
> 
> Nothing
> 
> Next week , same time , same place , I see him again ( my son is having class at that timing ) . This time I was with my boy and he stared even longer , at me then at my son then at me , i decided to give him the opp to approach me n i gave him a 2s look then look away , then another 2s look . he stared then he turned n walked off .
> 
> I figured he thought I am probably married . :frowning:
> 
> Sigh
> 
> I need to stick a label " I am available " ?
> 
> Or I approach him and my son go wow mom what you doing


Tripad, what else was going on aside from two second "stares"? 

Did one or both of you smile? If one of you looked away, was the other person caught looking when you looked back? A LOT can be gathered in one little stare, if you do it right. I agree with RD-you can tell quickly if there is interest. And yes, definitely keep your empty ring finger visible.


----------



## tripad

None of us smile .

He was still looking when I looked back . He looked thoughtful and was pondering over something . I guess he was wondering if he should approach , if that was my son or nephew ( I am slender and slim and just a slight bit taller than my 11 year old and of a more slender built compared to my son ).

Right , the next time I should smile . I was too deep in thought , just like he was , hence forgot to smile .

N I I will pretend to sweep my hair back with my ring finger .

stress . the little tricks I have to play . It is not like 18 and 20 dating anymore .


----------



## TooNice

Definitely try a smile next time...especially if you see the same man again!!


----------



## tripad

Now got to practice that smile when there's nothing to smile about


----------



## gouge_away

Just look in his cart, and ask, ”shopping for 1?"

Don't think, pretend there is a computer screen between you two if you must.


----------



## tripad

Will try that line 

That guy didn't have any cart or basket . empty handed .


----------



## JukeboxHero

Just curious, because I've been seeing this a lot. What does OLD stand for and what is the site all about? Seems like a very popular dating site nowadays.


----------



## gouge_away

Online dating is nice because you can totally mitigate the small talk, and some people just hate small talk.

It's as if being online you've already shook hands; you both have leveled with each other.

I realize some people refuse to see that by being online they are on the same level as everybody else there, but its so true. Maybe it's easier for them to shoot down advances when they are on the same level.

I wouldn't condone just walking up to people and sticking your hand out, unless you are already in an environment that should remove status, like church.

But a lot can be said in introduction, someone is descending, and bringing their ego down, and the recipient feels as if their ego is elevated. That is why the introduction can be frightening for the initiator and elating for the recipient.

One person is lowering their ego to lift up another's, without any gain or loss of dignity. Even in being rejected, remember, you were the one to stick your hand out, so obviously you felt you had the high ground.

In online dating there is no such vulnerability, everybody has equal footing.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Now got to practice that smile when there's nothing to smile about


An encounter with a good looking man can ALWAYS make me smile. If you happen to bump into this one again, just the mere fact that you get a third chance should help you out!



gouge_away said:


> Just look in his cart, and ask, ”shopping for 1?"


Oh... That's very good...


----------



## FeministInPink

JukeboxHero said:


> Just curious, because I've been seeing this a lot. What does OLD stand for and what is the site all about? Seems like a very popular dating site nowadays.


Not a specific site--OLD is just shorthand for "*O*n*L*ine *D*ating."

:grin2:


----------



## RandomDude

Aye the only good lines are simply those that break the ice and start a neutral, friendly conversation with a fellow human being 

It's just the ice that needs to break:









In other words, it's only awkward/scary at the start, but once rapport is build, it's not so difficult to suggest seeing each other again.

I still don't get the whole deal with OLD, but meh, maybe I'm just too old school. I also prefer poker offline, it's much more fun to see them sweat! Poker online it's just like playing with self-aware robots.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> In other words, it's only awkward/scary at the start, but once rapport is build, it's not so difficult to suggest seeing each other again.
> 
> I still don't get the whole deal with OLD, but meh, maybe I'm just too old school.


I can't speak for everyone, but I wanted to do online dating because I was actively looking for someone. I no longer have kids at home, and while I am busy and have plenty of activities, they are mostly activities where meeting an eligible man is completely left to chance. OLD seemed more like I was being an active participant in the search. 

Sure, I can hope to catch someone's eye in the produce department, but without OLD or heading to bars, I feel like I am waiting more on fate to play a hand. 

Although after my run with online dating, I find myself deleting my profiles and dancing with fate anyway!


----------



## MRR

I am definitely not good IRL; I can be good with women that are strangers but anytime I am definitely attracted/interested I find it very difficult. My other problem is that most of the time when I do get the definite signals, it is at work ( I work at a large company with MANY women) and if they do not know me, they are usually late 20s-early 30s and think I am the same. I am 44 divorced with 2 kids. Not that great for a younger single woman looking forward to having her own family. 

Not to mention that I am lower level management and will have opportunities to keep moving up so need to have a good reputation here. 

So OLD-- I do it because I do not like going out to bars often and if I do it is to have fun with friends, I am a bit of a homebody, I am not good at approaching/getting dates in real life. I think my time on line dating has helped though as after 10 years with the same person at least I have spent time with different women after really only talking with my ex for a decade. 

My match subscription is expired. I currently am in the very very early stages of getting to know the new girl (who texted me quite a bit before we met//the one i met out last Friday). If this doesnt work out I may try OLD again this spring or force myself to get dates the old fashioned way. The FWB is also in the picture (barely and maybe not for long). Its a process. 

And by the way FIP, just want you to know that I take the OLD 'meeting' and 'messaging' thing casually because I am trying to avoid getting myself into a similar relationship as my marriage. Of course I could not see the thing disentegrating as badly as it did looking at it before hand, I am totally open to meeting and very present in those situations but at the same time guarded. Not to be flippant overall, I just want something great if it is going to be LTR. Or at least really good

in any case, off OLD for now. /rambling


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> And by the way FIP, just want you to know that I take the OLD 'meeting' and 'messaging' thing casually because *I am trying to avoid getting myself into a similar relationship as my marriage.* Of course I could not see the thing disentegrating as badly as it did looking at it before hand, I am totally open to meeting and very present in those situations but at the same time guarded. Not to be flippant overall, I just want something great if it is going to be LTR. Or at least really good


And this is why I take it so seriously. If I'm casual about it, my concern is that I could easily get mixed up with someone who is just like my ex, if I just see if something "develops"... for me, the only way to avoid that is to be intentional and deliberate.

Different things work for different people.


----------



## RandomDude

I get the same fear too, but after the first step, the rest just becomes a ride in the park. But 'tis just me. In my youth I lost ALOT of opportunities with beautiful women because I didn't make a move, once I realised opportunities doesn't always knock twice I forced myself to be more bold, this realisation also helped me professionally. I still hesitate, still get my thoughts tangled up on what to say, heck even to this day I still make sure she gives me the right signals first before I make a move - but then I just think of a simple excuse to start a conversation and walla - once we're talking, the fear is gone. As it is with most things, the fear can be more terrifying than the deed itself.

Besides, overcoming fear is one of the best ways to uplift your spirits, it carries with it a sense of accomplishment each time. Compare that to going home knowing I could have got that pretty lady's number but I was too scared - that would be too depressing for me! I do live in a big city though, I can understand OLD if you are in a rural area and seeing 100+ people a day isn't the norm. But otherwise, meh. Another benefit of living in a big city is - if you make a total idiot of yourself trying to chat up a lady, you can disappear back into the crowd 

Not that I have ever done that... 

Anyway turns out ms. pony tail gave me her right number after all. Damn... I was kinda hoping she gave me a wrong one so I can justify going back to celibacy >.< I'm afraid of change! 
Bah! Oh well might take her out, see how it goes. Chances are though she'll bolt as soon as realises I have a kid  She looked around early to mid 20s, but I could be wrong - will see!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

I've been single for many years now. At first, I just focused on healing and looking after the kids. Then I slowly realized that I really don't lead a life that involves meeting new people. I don't want to date through my workplace, and people in my hobbies are either already in relationships or not attractive to me.

Though last year, I did move to a new house and a bored, much older and married new neighbour propositioned me. The only interest in me in years! Maybe one has to be already married to find new partners at the kids' activities.

So I thought I'd test the waters of online dating, but the pickings seem pretty slim there too.

I noticed the person had updated their profile after our exchange of messages, and now there's a comment in there that the potential date doesn't have to be smart. So that tells me everything I needed to know!


----------



## bkyln309

Well, my older man and I had a very candid conversation on where we are and where we might be going. I have been holding back on asking but we are at the point where we needed to address some issues (we have been dating a year in March). I thought it would end in a split but he is clear that he wants to move forward and get more serious. 

I sent him an email with points I wanted to address beforehand so he could think about it before our talk. Also I didnt want to get emotional and miss out on anything I wanted to address. My friends thought it was crazy but he actually appreciated the time to process his thoughts before talking on the matter. 

So, we will see.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I noticed the person had updated their profile after our exchange of messages, and now there's a comment in there that the potential date doesn't have to be smart. So that tells me everything I needed to know!


:rofl:

I think you may have dodged a bullet with that one, my friend. Any man who 1) does not value intelligence in a woman, or 2) is intimidated by a woman's intelligence? Not relationship material for any woman with average (or above) intelligence.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Well, my older man and I had a very candid conversation on where we are and where we might be going. I have been holding back on asking but we are at the point where we needed to address some issues (we have been dating a year in March). I thought it would end in a split but he is clear that he wants to move forward and get more serious.
> 
> I sent him an email with points I wanted to address beforehand so he could think about it before our talk. Also I didnt want to get emotional and miss out on anything I wanted to address. My friends thought it was crazy but he actually appreciated the time to process his thoughts before talking on the matter.
> 
> So, we will see.


Well, it's about fvcking time. (Insert slightly sardonic smile here. There's no emoticon for that.)


----------



## tripad

LOL:x


----------



## TooNice

I forgot to update earlier this week that my date for last night got canceled. I was really encouraged after the talk we had, but my spidey senses were tingling after he canceled. His texts were very direct and not what I would have expected from him after the conversation we had. I'm a little irritated, truth be told. He told me in our talk that he wants us both to be all in if we try this, and I agreed. This does not show me that he's committed to the same. Glad I had already made the decision to shift my focus back to me for the next few months! 

I have lofty goals regarding my health, my fitness, cooking more, purging my apartment of stuff, and budgeting. Far easier to do without boy distraction. ;-)


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> Well, my older man and I had a very candid conversation on where we are and where we might be going. I have been holding back on asking but we are at the point where we needed to address some issues (we have been dating a year in March). I thought it would end in a split but he is clear that he wants to move forward and get more serious.
> 
> I sent him an email with points I wanted to address beforehand so he could think about it before our talk. Also I didnt want to get emotional and miss out on anything I wanted to address. My friends thought it was crazy but he actually appreciated the time to process his thoughts before talking on the matter.
> 
> So, we will see.


Was it a bullet-pointed email? What were some of the bigger points?


----------



## tripad

Too nice 

His words n actions didn't tally .

So that makes him a liar.

You need a real man


----------



## MRR

I let my match subscription expire. The girl I have been talking to is on Match. I hope she doesnt see and think it is b/c of her! 

Actually not a big deal and I am not sure how it shows on there. I think the profile itself still looks the same to other members actually.


----------



## bkyln309

MRR said:


> Was it a bullet-pointed email? What were some of the bigger points?



A powerpoint presentation. J/King

No I didnt bullet it on purpose but I could have. 

1. My kids and did he really want to do the small kid thing. He is older and mentioned several times he wants to be a grandfather and enjoy that in the next few years. We did discuss him meeting my kids (elementary school age) briefly months ago but my kids went off the rails and I decided it wasnt the time. I wanted to make sure he really thought through the logistics of having small kids in his life again.

2. Clarification on our relationship. We never clarified that we were not seeing anyone else (though neither of us did). He has never expressed how he was feeling about where we have been and how serious (or not) he views having a future with me. Turns out he hopes this is a long term relationship.


3. He is a very busy man. Many times I feel like I am the last thing he prioritizes. He gets all his stuff done and then gets to me. Obviously some things like work and his family cant be put off. But things like golf and his friends can be re-arranged. He said its a learning curve for him. He hasnt been in a long term relationship with someone since his wife (5 year divorced). All his other relationships were short term and casual. Obviously, I want him to have his man time and hobbies away from me. I am pretty laid back about things. But he wants me to speak up if the balance is out of whack.

There were some other minor things too. He was really open to the discussion (not defensive at all) and thanked me for bringing it up. He said it needed to happen and it was long overdue. His words "we will do better this year communicating about our relationship"


----------



## TooNice

bkyln309 said:


> A powerpoint presentation. J/King
> 
> No I didnt bullet it on purpose but I could have.
> 
> 1. My kids and did he really want to do the small kid thing. He is older and mentioned several times he wants to be a grandfather and enjoy that in the next few years. We did discuss him meeting my kids (elementary school age) briefly months ago but my kids went off the rails and I decided it wasnt the time. I wanted to make sure he really thought through the logistics of having small kids in his life again.
> 
> 2. Clarification on our relationship. We never clarified that we were not seeing anyone else (though neither of us did). He has never expressed how he was feeling about where we have been and how serious (or not) he views having a future with me.  Turns out he hopes this is a long term relationship.
> 
> 
> 3. He is a very busy man. Many times I feel like I am the last thing he prioritizes. He gets all his stuff done and then gets to me. Obviously some things like work and his family cant be put off. But things like golf and his friends can be re-arranged. He said its a learning curve for him. He hasnt been in a long term relationship with someone since his wife (5 year divorced). All his other relationships were short term and casual. Obviously, I want him to have his man time and hobbies away from me. I am pretty laid back about things. But he wants me to speak up if the balance is out of whack.
> 
> There were some other minor things too. He was really open to the discussion (not defensive at all) and thanked me for bringing it up. He said it needed to happen and it was long overdue. His words "we will do better this year communicating about our relationship"


Sounds very reasonable to me. Keep us posted!


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I forgot to update earlier this week that my date for last night got canceled. I was really encouraged after the talk we had, but my spidey senses were tingling after he canceled. His texts were very direct and not what I would have expected from him after the conversation we had. I'm a little irritated, truth be told. He told me in our talk that he wants us both to be all in if we try this, and I agreed. This does not show me that he's committed to the same. Glad I had already made the decision to shift my focus back to me for the next few months!
> 
> *I have lofty goals regarding my health, my fitness, cooking more, purging my apartment of stuff, and budgeting.* Far easier to do without boy distraction. ;-)


I have some similar goals for the coming months. I just want to focus on me and being a better version of myself, and planning for my future, regardless of whether or not I will be coupled up or single. This is another reason why I cancelled all my OLD accounts, I don't need/want the distraction.

I'm going to start the gym thing again, and focus on eating better. That is a real challenge for me, because I'm an emotional eater and I make very poor choices food-wise when I am tired or stressed, and I am stressed a LOT at work. I need to continue the purge that began with the move in September (there's still a lot of stuff that I brought with me that I don't need), and organize the stuff that I did keep, but which is being stored in the basement. Now that I'm not so stressed about money (thanks to the move, I'm saving a pretty big chunk of change every month!), I want to work on getting my finances in order, paying off some debt, and create a plan for my great European adventure. I also want to devote more time to reading and writing; I haven't written anything in a very long time, and I've not been reading as much as I would like, which is sad, because I find it enriches my life significantly. (I signed up for a 52 books in 2016 challenge, so we'll see how that goes!)

I also want to focus on doing more activities and stuff beyond karaoke. So I might do more Meetup activities, and look out for fun stuff on Living Social and Groupon. I've bought two travel guides, one for Virginia and one for Maryland (and both have sections on DC as well), and I'm hoping to do some more local-ish weekend road trips and day trips over the next year.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> A powerpoint presentation. J/King
> 
> No I didnt bullet it on purpose but I could have.
> 
> 1. My kids and did he really want to do the small kid thing. He is older and mentioned several times he wants to be a grandfather and enjoy that in the next few years. We did discuss him meeting my kids (elementary school age) briefly months ago but my kids went off the rails and I decided it wasnt the time. I wanted to make sure he really thought through the logistics of having small kids in his life again.
> 
> 2. Clarification on our relationship. We never clarified that we were not seeing anyone else (though neither of us did). He has never expressed how he was feeling about where we have been and how serious (or not) he views having a future with me. Turns out he hopes this is a long term relationship.
> 
> 
> 3. He is a very busy man. Many times I feel like I am the last thing he prioritizes. He gets all his stuff done and then gets to me. Obviously some things like work and his family cant be put off. But things like golf and his friends can be re-arranged. He said its a learning curve for him. He hasnt been in a long term relationship with someone since his wife (5 year divorced). All his other relationships were short term and casual. Obviously, I want him to have his man time and hobbies away from me. I am pretty laid back about things. But he wants me to speak up if the balance is out of whack.
> 
> There were some other minor things too. He was really open to the discussion (not defensive at all) and thanked me for bringing it up. He said it needed to happen and it was long overdue. His words "we will do better this year communicating about our relationship"


From what I've seen in your posts, he really needs to do a better job of prioritizing you and the relationship than he has thus far, but his lack of prioritization may be tied to the fact that you guys aren't "serious" yet. Yes, he needs to have time for his hobbies and such, but you also need to know that you're his priority. I mentioned this in another thread somewhere, but he needs to make that choice. If he's grumpy about you taking time away from his hobbies, then he's not right. The question should be, "Are my hobbies causing me to neglect my partner/relationship?" and not the other way around.

He also needs to be factoring you in regarding future plans and trips, holidays, etc, if you guys are going to be serious. Because he hasn't been doing that either.

The whole list is a good one. If you had asked me to make a list for you, based on what you've posted in this thread, these are the three things I would put on the list.


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> A powerpoint presentation. J/King
> 
> No I didnt bullet it on purpose but I could have.
> 
> 1. My kids and did he really want to do the small kid thing. He is older and mentioned several times he wants to be a grandfather and enjoy that in the next few years. We did discuss him meeting my kids (elementary school age) briefly months ago but my kids went off the rails and I decided it wasnt the time. I wanted to make sure he really thought through the logistics of having small kids in his life again.
> 
> 2. Clarification on our relationship. We never clarified that we were not seeing anyone else (though neither of us did). He has never expressed how he was feeling about where we have been and how serious (or not) he views having a future with me. Turns out he hopes this is a long term relationship.
> 
> 
> 3. He is a very busy man. Many times I feel like I am the last thing he prioritizes. He gets all his stuff done and then gets to me. Obviously some things like work and his family cant be put off. But things like golf and his friends can be re-arranged. He said its a learning curve for him. He hasnt been in a long term relationship with someone since his wife (5 year divorced). All his other relationships were short term and casual. Obviously, I want him to have his man time and hobbies away from me. I am pretty laid back about things. But he wants me to speak up if the balance is out of whack.
> 
> There were some other minor things too. He was really open to the discussion (not defensive at all) and thanked me for bringing it up. He said it needed to happen and it was long overdue. His words "we will do better this year communicating about our relationship"


Point 3 is concerning for me. I have been divorced almost 2 years now and in my dating/relationship experiences, I am starting to feel like...they WILL make time for you/prioritize you if they really want you. 

Woman 1-- first person I actually met in OLD. We met out, had some drinks, it was fun and she was attractive. We were in contact a lot, but together in person only a few times. I took the 'busy schedule' thing at her word

Woman 2-- met her on OLD, first meeting right after work for a drink for 45 mins on a wed. Asked her friday if she wanted to meet for happy hour, already had plans w/ friends. I let her know where i was going to grab a drink, and sure enough she cut away from her friends to have a drink with me, first kiss. Next night, neither have kids, but she has plans. I was tired, told her i was staying in. she was already out w/ friends. I said 'call me if you want to make out'. She said LOL. Then 10 mins later asked if she could come over. Cut out on her friends again. These days, she is always too busy and is NOT making the time she did so i dont contact her anymore

Just my limited experience. Something i have started taking note of, especially feel its important if it has been 4-6 weeks since you met. I got really tired of #2 putting me off, starting late summer, even though we had a GREAT time together and I did want to see her. Finally i started realizing I am an afterthought to her. 


My two cents. I personally am now paying more attention to that stuff, with all due respect to someone's personal life.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> I have some similar goals for the coming months. I just want to focus on me and being a better version of myself, and planning for my future, regardless of whether or not I will be coupled up or single. This is another reason why I cancelled all my OLD accounts, I don't need/want the distraction.
> 
> I'm going to start the gym thing again, and focus on eating better. That is a real challenge for me, because I'm an emotional eater and I make very poor choices food-wise when I am tired or stressed, and I am stressed a LOT at work. I need to continue the purge that began with the move in September (there's still a lot of stuff that I brought with me that I don't need), and organize the stuff that I did keep, but which is being stored in the basement. Now that I'm not so stressed about money (thanks to the move, I'm saving a pretty big chunk of change every month!), I want to work on getting my finances in order, paying off some debt, and create a plan for my great European adventure. I also want to devote more time to reading and writing; I haven't written anything in a very long time, and I've not been reading as much as I would like, which is sad, because I find it enriches my life significantly. (I signed up for a 52 books in 2016 challenge, so we'll see how that goes!)
> 
> I also want to focus on doing more activities and stuff beyond karaoke. So I might do more Meetup activities, and look out for fun stuff on Living Social and Groupon. I've bought two travel guides, one for Virginia and one for Maryland (and both have sections on DC as well), and I'm hoping to do some more local-ish weekend road trips and day trips over the next year.


FIP-- very similar to me- 
*de-clutter my house, 
*budget, 
*health/exercise; get my strenght back from my surgery in sept ( i was in great shape last summer and even my sisters bf i have known for 25 yrs said, 'your brother is looking pretty hot' to her). 
*self improvement/stress managment
*reading and WRITING

I studied English in college and have taken many creative writing workshops over the years. When I was with my ex I stopped all that completely, but last year I started doing more. Had my first publication. 

Have you looked into some online workshops? I have found them to be great for getting me back into it (since there arent good literary organizations in my city).

Last year i took a very intensive one through the Writer's Workshop/University of Iowa, but The Loft is VERY good and has many online courses. i think it is www.loft.org. I know a couple of the instructors as I took workshops with them years ago when I lived in MPLS. 

Also, a poet/yogi named Sarah Herrington does a very inexpensive and cool monthly class. I think it is a website called Eckleburgh? Cannot remember but google her with "poet" after her name. She is very good. I havent taken the class but hoping to in Feb.

edited to add-- my sisters BEST FRIEND, not boyfriend*******


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> From what I've seen in your posts, he really needs to do a better job of prioritizing you and the relationship than he has thus far, but his lack of prioritization may be tied to the fact that you guys aren't "serious" yet. Yes, he needs to have time for his hobbies and such, but you also need to know that you're his priority. I mentioned this in another thread somewhere, but he needs to make that choice. If he's grumpy about you taking time away from his hobbies, then he's not right. The question should be, "Are my hobbies causing me to neglect my partner/relationship?" and not the other way around.
> 
> He also needs to be factoring you in regarding future plans and trips, holidays, etc, if you guys are going to be serious. Because he hasn't been doing that either.
> 
> The whole list is a good one. If you had asked me to make a list for you, based on what you've posted in this thread, these are the three things I would put on the list.



FIP: Were you listening on our phone call? I said all those things to him very bluntly. In his (slight) defense, he is never grumpy about it because I never said anything to him about rescheduling or the holidays or gifts for that matter. 

At this point, he knows and he will either improve or not. If not, he knows its not going to end well. 

There are alot of great things about him and I really think he just needed to hear it bluntly. Im hoping this leds to a very healthy happy long term relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

Really feel like cancelling this date, should have just got her number and left it well alone, but nooo... I had to be curious to see if she did give me her right number, now I'm fked, and have to take time out to finish what I started. *sigh*

But maybe it's just inertia talking? Taking ladies out isn't something in my routine anymore... bah! Ah fk it, one date won't kill me, and maybe she'll bolt anyway who knows. Maybe I should dress up very badly... like this:


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> FIP-- very similar to me-
> *de-clutter my house,
> *budget,
> *health/exercise; get my strenght back from my surgery in sept ( i was in great shape last summer and even my sisters bf i have known for 25 yrs said, 'your brother is looking pretty hot' to her).
> *self improvement/stress managment
> *reading and WRITING
> 
> I studied English in college and have taken many creative writing workshops over the years. When I was with my ex I stopped all that completely, but last year I started doing more. Had my first publication.
> 
> Have you looked into some online workshops? I have found them to be great for getting me back into it (since there arent good literary organizations in my city).
> 
> Last year i took a very intensive one through the Writer's Workshop/University of Iowa, but The Loft is VERY good and has many online courses. i think it is www.loft.org. I know a couple of the instructors as I took workshops with them years ago when I lived in MPLS.
> 
> *Also, a poet/yogi named Sarah Herrington does a very inexpensive and cool monthly class. I think it is a website called Eckleburgh? Cannot remember but google her with "poet" after her name. She is very good. I havent taken the class but hoping to in Feb.*
> 
> edited to add-- my sisters BEST FRIEND, not boyfriend*******


Ha ha ha!!! I can't believe you brought that up. Eckleburg Review is the lit journal housed in my grad program, and the Eckleburg Workshops are run by the Editor-in-Chief. She happens to be a friend and former classmate of mine. (I use the term "friend" somewhat loosely. Rae and I have a great deal of respect for one another, but we have a lot of differing opinions and we clash a lot, primarily because we write VERY DIFFERENT types of fiction.) I don't need to sign up for a workshop or a class--I have two degrees (BA and MA) in writing, and I have a large writer's circle here that I can rely on for feedback and support. (I'm meeting with one group this Saturday, actually.) I'll get more out of meeting with them then I would in an open workshop. If I do a class again, it will likely be because I've decided to get an additional degree (an MFA).

However, you and I should touch base off the threads so we can read each other's stuff and give feedback.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> FIP: Were you listening on our phone call? I said all those things to him very bluntly. In his (slight) defense, he is never grumpy about it because I never said anything to him about rescheduling or the holidays or gifts for that matter.
> 
> At this point, he knows and he will either improve or not. If not, he knows its not going to end well.
> 
> There are alot of great things about him and I really think he just needed to hear it bluntly. Im hoping this leds to a very healthy happy long term relationship.


Ha ha ha! Yes, I've tapped your phone lines 

And you are level headed enough to know that you can't say that he hasn't met your expectations, if you haven't told him what your expectations are. Personally, I wouldn't have waited this long, but different time frames for different people. I hope this goes in the direction that you want, and that things improve--and that he recognizes that it's his choice (and not an ultimatum), and that he recognizes the value in making the right choice.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Really feel like cancelling this date, should have just got her number and left it well alone, but nooo... I had to be curious to see if she did give me her right number, now I'm fked, and have to take time out to finish what I started. *sigh*
> 
> But maybe it's just inertia talking? Taking ladies out isn't something in my routine anymore... bah! Ah fk it, one date won't kill me, and maybe she'll bolt anyway who knows. Maybe I should dress up very badly... like this:


RD, I still don't understand why you think this is such a bad thing...


----------



## RandomDude

I let my balls make decisions in my life for just 5 minutes and look what happened. 

I can't imagine what would happen if I let it make more decisions! Relationships... it's not really my thing, only bad things seem to happen - my daughter the only good thing to have come out of all that mess of a marriage in the past. After breaking a good friend's heart last year I had enough of FWBs too. I didn't just become celibate for no reason.

Meh nevermind, I'll be fine. Its just a date and chances are it's just another one of many that I'll forget about once its over.


----------



## tripad

Rd

Solve the issue you have inside yourself.

You sound like a nice guy so far on this thread and you deserve happiness too . 

Remember that your daughter will grow up one day and have her own life and you will be totally alone .


----------



## RandomDude

I found happiness and serenity in single life! 

Yes, my daughter helps elevate the loneliness but so does my cat! Once she leaves the nest I'll just fill in the nest with lots of cats 









Meh, anyway I'm going to drop my "I'm a daddy and my little girl is my priority" bomb on first date and see if she bolts!


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I think you may have dodged a bullet with that one, my friend. Any man who 1) does not value intelligence in a woman, or 2) is intimidated by a woman's intelligence? Not relationship material for any woman with average (or above) intelligence.


I might be wrong but that was a question on *******, the way the multiple choice question was worded was very demeaning towards people with less than high intelligence.

I put "no."

Not because I don't value intelligence, but because I value honesty more, honesty was the other choice.

Now the way the answers are presented it makes it seem as if I answered 2 separate questions, one asking if I value intelligence, and the other if I value honesty.

Let me know if my assumption is off.


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys, she didn't bolt, but I could tell from her face she got hesitant after I dropped my bomb. Chemistry is meh, and frankly I wasn't really interested, I don't think we're going to have a second date. Was alright though, at least I can say I dated at least one person this year.

Now to go back to celibacy


----------



## gouge_away

I am setting the O/U at 5 days until she calls him again.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha!!! I can't believe you brought that up. Eckleburg Review is the lit journal housed in my grad program, and the Eckleburg Workshops are run by the Editor-in-Chief. She happens to be a friend and former classmate of mine. (I use the term "friend" somewhat loosely. Rae and I have a great deal of respect for one another, but we have a lot of differing opinions and we clash a lot, primarily because we write VERY DIFFERENT types of fiction.) I don't need to sign up for a workshop or a class--I have two degrees (BA and MA) in writing, and I have a large writer's circle here that I can rely on for feedback and support. (I'm meeting with one group this Saturday, actually.) I'll get more out of meeting with them then I would in an open workshop. If I do a class again, it will likely be because I've decided to get an additional degree (an MFA).
> 
> However, you and I should touch base off the threads so we can read each other's stuff and give feedback.


Yes, absolutely! 

Because I didnt write at all for the greater part of a decade I have found some of the online workshops helpful in just getting stuff moving. The class I took through Iowa last spring was a rather intensive poetry course-- not an actual workshop though it included writing exercises-- that would apply for a MFA through the Writer's Workshop, were I ever to be able to do that -- or even get in there!

It kinda drained me a bit though. I havent written much lately but I would be interested in sharing some stuff.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I found happiness and serenity in single life!
> 
> Yes, my daughter helps elevate the loneliness but so does my cat! Once she leaves the nest I'll just fill in the nest with lots of cats
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Meh, anyway I'm going to drop my "I'm a daddy and my little girl is my priority" bomb on first date and see if she bolts!


She will bolt unless she is a mum too .

Being a mum , I will bolt if a man doesn't place his children as priority because I place mine as priority .


----------



## tripad

I want to get a first date too . But not just anyone . Someone of good date quality .


----------



## ne9907

I was browsing match.com last night because I had a feeling the guy I dated would jump back on it, sure enough he did. It bothers me that he is able to actively look for a replacement. The fact that I was a replacement, something not cherished, bothers me more.

Have any of you experienced this feeling before?


I am with RD, I am finding comfort being alone. 

I am going to join a book club~ I love reading!!


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> I might be wrong but that was a question on *******, the way the multiple choice question was worded was very demeaning towards people with less than high intelligence.
> 
> I put "no."
> 
> Not because I don't value intelligence, but because I value honesty more, honesty was the other choice.
> 
> Now the way the answers are presented it makes it seem as if I answered 2 separate questions, one asking if I value intelligence, and the other if I value honesty.
> 
> Let me know if my assumption is off.


That's why I didn't like a lot of those questions on OKC, because they were phrased in absolute terms, where my real answer was more complex and nuanced than yes/no, black/white.

The profile that @Hopeful Cynic is talking about was on POF, and she mentions that it's a comment, so I think it's something that the guy wrote in his actual ad (POF doesn't have questions like OKC). So it wasn't like it's subject to one's interpretation of the question, or like (in your example) slightly favoring one trait over another. (I wouldn't take offense to a guy valuing honesty over intelligence, not at all. Honesty is sometimes a harder trait to come by. I've known a number of brilliant, completely dishonest people, and they can pull it off and get away with it BECAUSE they are so smart.)

If a guy WANTS to date a smart girl, he'll put in something like, "I find intelligence really sexy." A guy who puts "You don't have to be smart" in his ad isn't looking for smart girls. He doesn't want the smart girls to email him. He's looking for the--ahem, for lack of a better word, and I hate to do this since I gave RD a hard time about this word--he's looking to attract the bimbos. He's ADVERTISING for less-than-smart girls. This means likely one of two things: 1) he's not very smart himself, and he wants to be smarter than his partner, or 2) he's looking for easy sex/disposable women, and he thinks that will be easier to score with a less-than-smart girl.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I was browsing match.com last night because I had a feeling the guy I dated would jump back on it, sure enough he did. It bothers me that he is able to actively look for a replacement. The fact that I was a replacement, something not cherished, bothers me more.
> 
> Have any of you experienced this feeling before?
> 
> 
> I am with RD, I am finding comfort being alone.
> 
> I am going to join a book club~ I love reading!!


Ne, this just goes to show that you truly do deserve better. You didn't really mean anything to him. You were convenient. Let it go and move on, and find someone who DESERVES all that you have to offer.


----------



## tripad

Well

A guy text a couple of times n seems genuine , with suggestions to meet . Then , silent for 2-3 days . 

Duh ? Did he stop because I didnt remove my profile ? Did I forget to say that his dog is cute ?

The last time another guy tracked what time I last checked my what's app n asked me if i slept late because I was fishing online ! Nuts ! 

Whatever . 

Seems like the only good conversations that make sense is right here with TAM


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I was browsing match.com last night because I had a feeling the guy I dated would jump back on it, sure enough he did. It bothers me that he is able to actively look for a replacement. The fact that I was a replacement, something not cherished, bothers me more.
> 
> Have any of you experienced this feeling before?
> 
> 
> I am with RD, I am finding comfort being alone.
> 
> I am going to join a book club~ I love reading!!
> 
> 
> 
> Ne, this just goes to show that you truly do deserve better. You didn't really mean anything to him. You were convenient. Let it go and move on, and find someone who DESERVES all that you have to offer.
Click to expand...

Yup 

He's very naughty .

Be sweet n invite him over for a meal n put tons of laxative in it n let him sh** his crap out .


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Yes, absolutely!
> 
> Because I didnt write at all for the greater part of a decade I have found some of the online workshops helpful in just getting stuff moving. The class I took through Iowa last spring was a rather intensive poetry course-- not an actual workshop though it included writing exercises-- that would apply for a MFA through the Writer's Workshop, were I ever to be able to do that -- or even get in there!
> 
> It kinda drained me a bit though. I havent written much lately but I would be interested in sharing some stuff.


I've been fallow for about three years. And I'm thinking about it constantly, even if I'm not doing it. I hope that will make it a little easier. I need to get my writing space (my desk) in my room set up, and I think I may start with some daily journaling. OR! I'm considering working my way through The Artist's Way, which includes doing "morning pages" (journaling). And I've had this on my shelf for a little while, which I think I need to finally read: The Right to Write.

The challenging thing--or rather the major doubt that I feel about my writing, perhaps--is that I realized a majority of all I have ever written (literally, even back through my adolescence) was a metaphor for either the emotional struggles that I had with my mother, and/or the problems in my marriage. It was as if my subconscious was trying to get these struggles out onto paper to make me see them, because my conscious mind wasn't seeing/acknowledging them. It was kind of an astonishing discovery to make. Even stories written when I was 11, 12, 13 have the same themes. My worry is that now that I've dealt with, or am working on, these things in a conscious manner, have I drained that subconscious aquifer of all its content? Will I be able to write anything good again. I fear that subconscious struggle was the source of all my writerly superpowers, and I've drained it so that there is nothing left but brackish words.

I'm sure that's typical writer doubt talking, but I haven't tested it yet. So...

I'll PM you to get this train moving...


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Yup
> 
> He's very naughty .
> 
> Be sweet n invite him over for a meal n put tons of laxative in it n let him sh** his crap out .


:rofl:

OMG, you're awful.


----------



## RandomDude

gouge_away said:


> I am setting the O/U at 5 days until she calls him again.


Nah, I'm sure she got the message, besides she didn't text me after, which means only one thing. We're at very different stages in life, and although she was fun to hang out with for a few hours there's also nothing about her that really strikes me, nothing unique or outstanding. I'm just glad it went smoothly at least and we can both go our seperate ways.

If she calls or text me, it would be an annoyance at this point.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Nah, I'm sure she got the message, besides she didn't text me after, which means only one thing. We're at very different stages in life, and although she was fun to hang out with for a few hours there's also nothing about her that really strikes me, nothing unique or outstanding. I'm just glad it went smoothly at least and we can both go our seperate ways.
> 
> If she calls or text me, it would be an annoyance at this point.


 annoyance ?

She must be hot enough for you to get her number in the first place .

But I know what you mean .

We got out issues not dealt with .:crying:


----------



## RandomDude

Yes an annoyance, a second date will only waste both our time. We're not a match, and we both already have established circles, and enough professional networks. It was a game that my balls decided to play, but at least now its game over with no feelings hurt.

I was horny when I got her number, that happens. I wasn't when I went for our date, probably why it turned out the way it did lol
Regardless I'm better off alone and that is fact


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Ne, this just goes to show that you truly do deserve better. You didn't really mean anything to him. You were convenient. Let it go and move on, and find someone who DESERVES all that you have to offer.





tripad said:


> Yup
> 
> He's very naughty .
> 
> Be sweet n invite him over for a meal n put tons of laxative in it n let him sh** his crap out .


Haha! Absolutely but I will not bother with him anymore

The foo was talking about moving in together and even getting me an engagement ring!! Of course I told him no every single time. 
The moral? Some people DO NOT care who you are they just want to be in a relationship. Anyone will do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Starting to regret my half-assed effort on my recent date today for some reason, she's probably one of the hotter ladies I've dated. Meh, have to remind myself why I chose to be celibate.

Maybe if she wore a pony tail on our date my balls would have overriden my brain's decisions again, and it could have ended better... HA! Or maybe not, I don't think I'm ready for another lifestyle change, especially after having settled into the single-not-looking lifestyle, so its better it ended early. Constant battle between my two brains it seems. It's always...

2nd brain: "Hello up there! Getting neglected down here!"
1st brain: "Screw you guys down there, always getting us in trouble!"

Oh well, whats done is done


----------



## tripad

Rd 

It's OK

At least you had a fun date .

I won't mind a date with a decent guy with no sex , no strings attached 

Just communication with another adult with no questions on my ex n issues is good fun . Meeting with gf always end up asking about my ex n problems caused . A fun conversation is a good escape .

So be glad you did it , whether it end up with pony tail or not :grin:


----------



## RandomDude

Actually it feels like I opened pandora's box, re-igniting the conflict between my two brains, one logical the other hormonal.

I'm confused now, in how to go forward from here. Ignorance was indeed bliss, now even brain #1 is arguing with itself thanks to brain #2's abrupt takeover of my cognitive functions recently.

*sigh*


----------



## tripad

You mean you are horny :smiling_imp:


----------



## gouge_away

Date last night, ehh'...

This woman is about 8 years younger than I. On paper she seemed like a great match; Christian, conservative, parent, independent, owns her own place, clean. We both share the same love of fish tacos and distain for anything melon. We're both on a fitness kick, and theoretically sexually compatible.

But the age difference seems to bother me, not so much her but her friends and social circle are DRAMA, all drama. Eventually most people grow out of the BS, but ughh, I'm not going to get along with her girlfriends.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Hahaha reminds me of ex-GF, I couldn't stand her friends either! Bah! Another reason I was hesitant with recent date.

Balls are blind though... bah!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Had a long planned date with YG Friday night and Saturday day. All good news to report, we are very, ahem, compatible. TGG has met someone very special.:grin2::wink2:
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkyln309

TheGoodGuy said:


> Had a long planned date with YG Friday night and Saturday day. All good news to report, we are very, ahem, compatible. TGG has met someone very special.:grin2::wink2:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


so happy for you!!!


----------



## bkyln309

gouge_away said:


> Date last night, ehh'...
> 
> This woman is about 8 years younger than I. On paper she seemed like a great match; Christian, conservative, parent, independent, owns her own place, clean. We both share the same love of fish tacos and distain for anything melon. We're both on a fitness kick, and theoretically sexually compatible.
> 
> But the age difference seems to bother me, not so much her but her friends and social circle are DRAMA, all drama. Eventually most people grow out of the BS, but ughh, I'm not going to get along with her girlfriends.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"



I dont do drama either but I am in my mid 40s. I assume you are talking about a much younger woman as I cant imagine a 35 year old woman be in the middle of a mess.


----------



## gouge_away

bkyln309 said:


> I dont do drama either but I am in my mid 40s. I assume you are talking about a much younger woman as I cant imagine a 35 year old woman be in the middle of a mess.


She's 25 to my 33.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Had a long planned date with YG Friday night and Saturday day. All good news to report, we are very, ahem, compatible. TGG has met someone very special.:grin2::wink2:


Yay!!! Happy for you


----------



## ne9907

I had a strange experience this weekend. I had to do a workshop where I talk/mingle with several people at work. I was waiting for an event and began talking to several people, ultimately there was only a man and myself talking. We were talking for about an hour or so, and suddenly he begins showing me photos of his children and wife, and saying how happy he was in his marriage etc. THe strangeness is that similar situations happened with two different men. We were talking and they showed me photos of their wives/girlfriends.
Am I flirting with them without me noticing? Or am I so safe they feel the need to share their marriage/coupledom bliss?

Any of you experience this before?


----------



## gouge_away

Yes, they aren't used to that kind of attention, or word has gotten around that you are looking for a mate.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I had a strange experience this weekend. I had to do a workshop where I talk/mingle with several people at work. I was waiting for an event and began talking to several people, ultimately there was only a man and myself talking. We were talking for about an hour or so, and suddenly he begins showing me photos of his children and wife, and saying how happy he was in his marriage etc. THe strangeness is that similar situations happened with two different men. We were talking and they showed me photos of their wives/girlfriends.
> Am I flirting with them without me noticing? Or am I so safe they feel the need to share their marriage/coupledom bliss?
> 
> Any of you experience this before?


Your eyes maybe a dead giveaway in regards to your thoughts and intentions, so they decide to make sure you know who you're dealing with. 'Tis a normal thing no?

I did the same when married, mention my wife and little cuteness whenever I suspect romantic interest.


----------



## gouge_away

Same here

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Your date's giggity giggity is contagious it seems, now you're infected! Ack!


----------



## ne9907

gouge_away said:


> Yes, they aren't used to that kind of attention, or word has gotten around that you are looking for a mate.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"





RandomDude said:


> Your eyes maybe a dead giveaway in regards to your thoughts and intentions, so they decide to make sure you know who you're dealing with. 'Tis a normal thing no?
> 
> I did the same when married, mention my wife and little cuteness whenever I suspect romantic interest.


haha!
must be my hormones.... I have been kinda horny!


----------



## RandomDude

Yes, we can detect the pheromones  we know you are on heat 

Its not a bad thing though, sooner or later a single (hopefully) male will find it enticing


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> I had a strange experience this weekend. I had to do a workshop where I talk/mingle with several people at work. I was waiting for an event and began talking to several people, ultimately there was only a man and myself talking. We were talking for about an hour or so, and suddenly he begins showing me photos of his children and wife, and saying how happy he was in his marriage etc. THe strangeness is that similar situations happened with two different men. We were talking and they showed me photos of their wives/girlfriends.
> Am I flirting with them without me noticing? Or am I so safe they feel the need to share their marriage/coupledom bliss?
> 
> Any of you experience this before?


I have a different experience fromthe other men on here. When I was married I OFTEN talked positively about my family and wife with female co-workers and not once was it because I was feeling interest. I was just proud of my family and yes, felt comfortable with those particular people.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Yes, we can detect the pheromones  we know you are on heat
> 
> Its not a bad thing though, sooner or later a single (hopefully) male will find it enticing


I actually never talk to people (men) unless I am bored and waiting, like this weekend, I must watch out my own sexiness~~ haha!!

I have been told many times I am a natural flirt, as in I flirt without noticing, I KNEW IT!!!! I am too sexy for my own good


----------



## RandomDude

Your theme song: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxZp4VEopcE



Needs a female version haha


----------



## mandik

43 gonna be 44 and a single mom of 2 and a soon to be grandmother before I'm 44.. It's funny how I think about dating like its a plague, no offense but the way men act these days..its all about sex..well I don't want sex..I don't want you to tell me what you want me to do or anything like that..lets talk about policy, economics, children, books, water, numbers anything that you and I love..music & weather...but leave sex out of it..I prefer to find love..dating websites just can't wrap my head around them, its like window shopping without trying on anything..but when your either working or kids stuff its hard to see what out there in life..is there actually life real life after kids leave or are we just trying to find things to do not to be lonely..said someone who can't decide if she just not tolerate much or looking in the wrong spot..Walking blind

Sent from my QTAQZ3 using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm

mandik said:


> 43 gonna be 44 and a single mom of 2 and a soon to be grandmother before I'm 44.. It's funny how I think about dating like its a plague, no offense but the way men act these days..its all about sex..well I don't want sex..I don't want you to tell me what you want me to do or anything like that..lets talk about policy, economics, children, books, water, numbers anything that you and I love..music & weather...but leave sex out of it..I prefer to find love..dating websites just can't wrap my head around them, its like window shopping without trying on anything..but when your either working or kids stuff its hard to see what out there in life..is there actually life real life after kids leave or are we just trying to find things to do not to be lonely..said someone who can't decide if she just not tolerate much or looking in the wrong spot..Walking blind
> 
> Sent from my QTAQZ3 using Tapatalk


Dating IS a plague. Meh.


----------



## MRR

Anytime you say ALL men you should probably take a look at what you are doing to find or attract these people and what you need to do to find and attract men you are actually interested in. The one common denominator with "ALL" the men you are referring to is their interaction with you. No ALL of anything is ALL the same.


----------



## MRR

I shouldnt say anyTHING, but at least the human race. There are men and women of every kind.


----------



## ne9907

Dating is indeed a plague, but it is fun as well. I have been on three dating sites Match, OKC, and Tinder. I always had fun, and positive experiences.
I am not in a relationship and have not found love yet I am not bitter or anxious because of the lack of chemistry.

DO not put too much faith on dating websites. They exist, leave it at that.


----------



## RandomDude

Turns out gouge was right, my recent date contacted me wondering why I haven't called her. Errr - she didn't text or call me at all after our date, what else am I supposed to assume?

Bah!

I might get back to her, or I might not, I dunno... not used to all this crap anymore.


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, don't you know? You're supposed to be the one to reach out first. Because everyone knows that if she texts or calls you, she looks needy and desperate.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Noooo...









Normally after a date, a simple text that she had a good time means = I want to see you again. No text = FK OFF loser, never want to see you again! 
But I guess folks adhere to different dating rules. Meh

To date her again or not... hmmm... I am horny, so maybe... but nooo... stupid dramas.... but... horny... but dramas... but horny... STUPID HUMAN DESIRES! Bah! 

*sigh*

I'm not ready - fact.


----------



## FeministInPink

She didn't even do the "thank you, I had fun" text? Ok, I can see your irritation, then. I send the "thanks" text even if I'm not interested in going out again.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Exactly!

So why the heck she contacted me is beyond my understanding, she's young and attractive as well so she can't be clueless about dating. Maybe she was just curious? Meh, that's probably it.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Exactly!
> 
> So why the heck she contacted me is beyond my understanding, she's young and attractive as well so she can't be clueless about dating. Maybe she was just curious? Meh, that's probably it.


Sex. If I waited so long, it would be because I wanted sex, but I wasn't really into HIM. And I was waiting to see if he would follow up first, so it wouldn't look like I was just after sex.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Well... errrr... 

Hmmm...
2nd brain: "Green light! Green light! What are you waiting for!"
1st brain: "Danger! Danger! You are a walking dildo!"

Who should I listen to?


----------



## RandomDude

Ok... decided, can't waste more time dilling dalling about it. I'll take her out again I guess, if she's still keen, this time I think I'll give it a little more effort - quite frankly I'm also embarrassed at myself. A pretty woman gives me her precious time and I couldn't even be bothered to make it worthwhile. 

I'm done trying to fight with myself, work with it, not against it - stupid bodily functions. Meh. I started this might as well finish it. Something good might even turn out right?

Would be annoying if she suddenly turns around and says no ya know... I would be like "damn you FIP! look what a fool you've made of me!" 

But meh, screw it, next time -> switched on


----------



## gouge_away

I had a lunch date yesterday with a paralegal. Same one I was talking to months back when I started OLD.

We have connected pretty good. I think I could see myself dating this one exclusively.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Would have thought your new date would have cured you of your giggity giggity no?


----------



## gouge_away

No, not yet

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Found your cure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o

So get to it with your new date


----------



## Threeblessings

Probably a dumb question but how are you all getting dates????


----------



## RandomDude

I bought new shoes, was fluttered at, and started a conversation


----------



## Threeblessings

RandomDude said:


> I bought new shoes, was fluttered at, and started a conversation


In the right place at the right time :smile2:


----------



## RandomDude

Aye 

But 'tis just a date, and chances are with the current one, best thing that can happen out of it is a FWB arrangement. Think others are luckier, then again they are actually putting effort into it. 
Unlike silly RD... bah!


----------



## Threeblessings

RandomDude said:


> Aye
> 
> But 'tis just a date, and chances are with the current one, best thing that can happen out of it is a FWB arrangement. Think others are luckier, then again they are actually putting effort into it.
> Unlike silly RD... bah!


What's FWB?


----------



## RandomDude




----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Ok... decided, can't waste more time dilling dalling about it. I'll take her out again I guess, if she's still keen, this time I think I'll give it a little more effort - quite frankly I'm also embarrassed at myself. A pretty woman gives me her precious time and I couldn't even be bothered to make it worthwhile.
> 
> I'm done trying to fight with myself, work with it, not against it - stupid bodily functions. Meh. I started this might as well finish it. Something good might even turn out right?
> 
> Would be annoying if she suddenly turns around and says no ya know... I would be like "damn you FIP! look what a fool you've made of me!"
> 
> But meh, screw it, next time -> switched on


Just trying to get you back in the saddle. You're too young to be celibate.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Found your cure:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o
> 
> So get to it with your new date


I feel like this after I have sex. Every time 

I want to tell everyone! But that's a big social no-no.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## 2&out

Mardik
"43 gonna be 44 and a single mom of 2 and a soon to be grandmother before I'm 44.. It's funny how I think about dating like its a plague, no offense but the way men act these days..its all about sex..well I don't want sex..I don't want you to tell me what you want me to do or anything like that..lets talk about policy, economics, children, books, water, numbers anything that you and I love..music & weather...but leave sex out of it..I prefer to find love..dating websites just can't wrap my head around them, its like window shopping without trying on anything..but when your either working or kids stuff its hard to see what out there in life..is there actually life real life after kids leave or are we just trying to find things to do not to be lonely..said someone who can't decide if she just not tolerate much or looking in the wrong spot..Walking blind"

Not trying to be mean Mardik, but with this you eliminated all Alpha males and likely at least half of the Beta ones that would be interested in you. No physical = not much reason to spend time/$ with you. By the middle 40's most of us are over and laugh about the "deep connection" fantasy. I'm going to say your assessment is probably right - just about all us mid 40's and later guys aren't interested in what you describe - which I can just hit the corner pub and do and likely have more fun with no concern of being PC or any of that other crap that is involved in a "relationship" person discussion.


----------



## FeministInPink

2&out said:


> Mardik
> "43 gonna be 44 and a single mom of 2 and a soon to be grandmother before I'm 44.. It's funny how I think about dating like its a plague, no offense but the way men act these days..its all about sex..well I don't want sex..I don't want you to tell me what you want me to do or anything like that..lets talk about policy, economics, children, books, water, numbers anything that you and I love..music & weather...but leave sex out of it..I prefer to find love..dating websites just can't wrap my head around them, its like window shopping without trying on anything..but when your either working or kids stuff its hard to see what out there in life..is there actually life real life after kids leave or are we just trying to find things to do not to be lonely..said someone who can't decide if she just not tolerate much or looking in the wrong spot..Walking blind"
> 
> Not trying to be mean Mardik, but with this you eliminated all Alpha males and likely at least half of the Beta ones that would be interested in you. No physical = not much reason to spend time/$ with you. *By the middle 40's most of us are over and laugh about the "deep connection" fantasy*. I'm going to say your assessment is probably right - just about all us mid 40's and later guys aren't interested in what you describe - which I can just hit the corner pub and do and likely have more fun with no concern of being PC or any of that other crap that is involved in a "relationship" person discussion.


Pessimist much?

I understand you saying that men won't be interested in a woman who doesn't want sex. I wouldn't be interested in a man who doesn't want sex.

But calling the desire for a deep intellectual and emotional connection a "fantasy" and that most men mid-40s are over it? I'm calling bullsh!t on that one. Anyone who claims that is either 1) using it as a defense mechanism, or 2) is emotionally empty and incapable of making a human connection. I know a great number of men in their mid-40s or later, here on TAM and IRL, who are still looking for that "deep connection" with another human being. The deep desire to connect is part of human nature. I find it interesting that you're trying to demonstrate that men over a certain age lack humanity.

If you don't want it, if you think it's a fantasy, that's fine for you. I hope you're happy with that conclusion, and the way it's framing your experience. I hope you're getting lots of NSA, no-emotional-connection pvssy down at your corner bar. But stop throwing around generalizations, saying that's what every man is like. It's insulting to the other men.


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Found your cure:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o
> 
> So get to it with your new date


We are to busy talking about other stuff to get to it...

Though, from conversations, I think we are more compatible than almost any other relationship.

She seems very adventurous, and shares the same um... Kink, or fantasy. Idk how to explain it, but anywhere, anytime, just say the word and I'm cured.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## bkyln309

So last night I got a delivery of the most beautiful long stem red roses. I am not really a rose person but these were stunning. They didnt even have baby's breath which I hate. So they were perfect. Of course I thought they were from my boyfriend (who has never sent me flowers but I thought these were the result of our talk). 

I open the card and its from one of my closest male friends from another state. We talk daily and share everything. So I call him to thank him for the flowers. I am abit confused why he would send me red roses. So he tells me that he has held a torch for me a long time and he didnt want to look back on his life and regret not telling me how he felt! He told me he was in love with me. He said I am not trying to break you up with your older man but if my current situation runs its course, he wants me to consider having a relationship with him.

Talk about a HOLY COW BATMAN moment!


----------



## MRR

I like the great sex but if there is no connection I will still be looking while I am partaking in the sex. 

One thing that I have noticed about living alone (the 50% of the time I do not have my kids) is that, what FIP refers to, human connection is more important to me. I love my down time/my alone time, but even a short, genuine connection is more noticeable to me now than ever. A relationship would have to include that.


----------



## bkyln309

2&out said:


> Mardik
> "43 gonna be 44 and a single mom of 2 and a soon to be grandmother before I'm 44.. It's funny how I think about dating like its a plague, no offense but the way men act these days..its all about sex..well I don't want sex..I don't want you to tell me what you want me to do or anything like that..lets talk about policy, economics, children, books, water, numbers anything that you and I love..music & weather...but leave sex out of it..I prefer to find love..dating websites just can't wrap my head around them, its like window shopping without trying on anything..but when your either working or kids stuff its hard to see what out there in life..is there actually life real life after kids leave or are we just trying to find things to do not to be lonely..said someone who can't decide if she just not tolerate much or looking in the wrong spot..Walking blind"
> 
> Not trying to be mean Mardik, but with this you eliminated all Alpha males and likely at least half of the Beta ones that would be interested in you. No physical = not much reason to spend time/$ with you. By the middle 40's most of us are over and laugh about the "deep connection" fantasy. I'm going to say your assessment is probably right - just about all us mid 40's and later guys aren't interested in what you describe - which I can just hit the corner pub and do and likely have more fun with no concern of being PC or any of that other crap that is involved in a "relationship" person discussion.


I have to say that while most men want sex upfront. Men will not stay long term if the only thing they like about you is sexual. 

I will say being negative upfront about even potential sexual activity will have most men running for the hills. Sex is an important aspect of any relationship. While it shouldnt be the only topic, it shouldnt be excluded from a healthy relationship talk either.


----------



## MRR

yes, negativity is probably the single most unattractive trait to me at this point in my life. turns a pretty girl into something very ugly, fast.


----------



## 2&out

Your interpretation is a little extreme but I understand your point FIP. I didn't really mean an emotional/intellectual connection isn't important. My point was meant to be IMO older guys aren't looking to spend a lot of time/$ on the chance the physical compatibility might also be there. IMO really great sex only happens with the emotional component but my personal want is it ALL has to be there. I'm an all in type guy - I'm not patient enough anymore to slowly piece a relationship together hoping it all comes together eventually. Either we run on all cylinders in short order or we don't.

Also - related - if a woman doesn't want the physical aspect with me also then it's a major signal she isn't all that into me. Why waste time on that ? I'm not that desperate and not willing to work/hope she will be. Been there done that and not worth the extra work IMO. I know there are others who won't be the extra work.


----------



## FeministInPink

2&out said:


> Your interpretation is a little extreme but I understand your point FIP. I didn't really mean an emotional/intellectual connection isn't important. My point was meant to be IMO older guys aren't looking to spend a lot of time/$ on the chance the physical compatibility might also be there. IMO really great sex only happens with the emotional component but my personal want is it ALL has to be there. I'm an all in type guy - I'm not patient enough anymore to slowly piece a relationship together hoping it all comes together eventually. Either we run on all cylinders in short order or we don't.
> 
> Also - related - if a woman doesn't want the physical aspect with me also then it's a major signal she isn't all that into me. Why waste time on that ? I'm not that desperate and not willing to work/hope she will be. Been there done that and not worth the extra work IMO. I know there are others who won't be the extra work.


Thanks for the additional clarification. My "extreme interpretation" wasn't so much of an interpretation, that was the way your post came across. The above clarification mitigates the extremity significantly, to the extent that I believe we may actually be on the same page


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> yes, negativity is probably the single most unattractive trait to me at this point in my life. turns a pretty girl into something very ugly, fast.


:iagree:

YES!!!!!

It's important to be realistic, of course, but I don't think that optimism and realism are mutually exclusive; conversely, I don't believe that realism and pessimism are the same thing, not by a long shot.

Nothing sends me running for the hills faster than an Eeyore personality.

(I tend to be more of a Tigger personality myself, with an occasional splash of Rabbit, Piglet, and Pooh, depending on the circumstance.)


----------



## RandomDude

So horny today, tonight I'm going to let my 2nd brain make all the decisions, so going to bring my A game, and my naughtiness! 

Besides feeling like a million dollars after closing an 80K deal yesterday, enough work to last all outlets for next few months. Going to be extravagant and blow her socks off, and errr... other items of clothing hehe 

Unless she turns around and turns me down 
I still don't understand why she called me despite not texting me after our first date, I honestly still do not understand the logic FIP, I was already in the process of forgeting her


----------



## Zulnex

Threeblessings said:


> Probably a dumb question but how are you all getting dates????


I was wondering about it as well.

People seem to be confident which is very inspiring to me. I never had a date. Still working on my shyness issues...


----------



## Threeblessings

Zulnex said:


> I was wondering about it as well.
> 
> People seem to be confident which is very inspiring to me. I never had a date. Still working on my shyness issues...


I'll join you in the shyness club. I would like to have more confidence and I think it shows. It also doesn't help because I walls which are slowly coming down. I think I could have had a chance a few weeks ago but feared rejection so I just left it..... .


----------



## RandomDude

Just have eye contact and smile, let the guys do the work, I prefer it that way anyway, a lady approaching me is a little... errr... scary, not really used to it. I'm very old school. But 'tis just me.

We can read alot from just your eyes 
But be confident with ur eyes, like, if she looks away or looks disinterested I won't go for her as there's no green light.


----------



## Zulnex

Threeblessings said:


> I'll join you in the shyness club. I would like to have more confidence and I think it shows. It also doesn't help because I walls which are slowly coming down. I think I could have had a chance a few weeks ago but feared rejection so I just left it..... .


Don't worry. With us shy people, confidence takes time to develop. It's important that we are working it.

Speaking of rejection...  I am exactly like you. I fear rejection very much.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> So horny today, tonight I'm going to let my 2nd brain make all the decisions, so going to bring my A game, and my naughtiness!
> 
> Besides feeling like a million dollars after closing an 80K deal yesterday, enough work to last all outlets for next few months. Going to be extravagant and blow her socks off, and errr... other items of clothing hehe
> 
> Unless she turns around and turns me down
> I still don't understand why she called me despite not texting me after our first date, I honestly still do not understand the logic FIP, I was already in the process of forgeting her


Ha ha, I'm such a bad influence


----------



## RandomDude

I still don't get how a lady would not text after a date and wait for him to call if she's interested in sex


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Just have eye contact and smile, let the guys do the work, I prefer it that way anyway, a lady approaching me is a little... errr... scary, not really used to it. I'm very old school. But 'tis just me.
> 
> We can read alot from just your eyes
> But be confident with ur eyes, like, if she looks away or looks disinterested I won't go for her as there's no green light.


Even this--the eye contact and smiling--is hard for me to pull off. If I see a guy I find attractive, I turn into a bundle of nerves, and I'm too nervous to even do the eye contact and smile thing.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

FIP, can you elaborate further in the whole "dont text after date, call after a week" logic behind my recent date? I don't get your previous reasoning.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> FIP, can you elaborate further in the whole "dont text after date, call after a week" logic behind my recent date? I don't get your previous reasoning.


Well, if I went out on a date with a guy who was physically attractive, and the date was fine but there wasn't a click or a spark, I wouldn't feel compelled to text right away, because I'm not into him. I'm not interested in starting anything serious with him. But if I decide that I want sex, and he had made it clear that he was interested, I might follow up later to initiate a second date, for the sole purpose of having NSA sex.


----------



## gouge_away

Or maybe she never took the opportunity to program your number into her phone.

Then she found it again and called.

I've done that.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

*sniffle* so im a piece of meat 
*sniffle*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Oh well, feelings mutual ne way lol 

still, unless my eyes betrayed my intentions, I dont recall showing much interest... i dunno
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> Or maybe she never took the opportunity to program your number into her phone.
> 
> Then she found it again and called.
> 
> I've done that.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


But if that was the case, she would have told him. He wouldn't be asking us why...


----------



## gouge_away

RD, you showing you're less invested in her requires her to be more invested in you. She might like the feeling of being the more invested person, if she doesn't get that very often. It causes her to constantly think, "what does he think of me?" The answer to that question may be all that drives her attraction to you.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> *sniffle* so im a piece of meat
> *sniffle*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not necessarily. It's just a theory.


----------



## tripad

Yes 

Rd

The man should reach out first


----------



## gouge_away

I'd like to be a piece of meat right now.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

You guys are making me hungry...


----------



## RandomDude

gouge_away said:


> RD, you showing you're less invested in her requires her to be more invested in you. She might like the feeling of being the more invested person, if she doesn't get that very often. It causes her to constantly think, "what does he think of me?" The answer to that question may be all that drives her attraction to you.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


*sniffle* 

So I am not just a piece of meat, I'm a piece of meat she's only interested in because I'm hard to get 

*sniffle*



FeministInPink said:


> Not necessarily. It's just a theory.




Well, we'll see tonight, bringing A game, with A grade expenses, might as well, to make up for the half-assed 1st date.



tripad said:


> Yes
> 
> Rd
> 
> The man should reach out first


=/

But but... a man can't do everything, besides a simple text after a date would have let me know she's interested in a 2nd one.



gouge_away said:


> I'd like to be a piece of meat right now.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


:rofl:


----------



## SARAHMCD

RD, 
I lost the thread somewhere along the way. I thought you had a terrible first date and had no interest in seeing this girl again. So are you just going on a second one hoping to set up a FWB situation?


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> You guys are making me hungry...



Don't remind me . 

It has been ....... 2 years ..........don't want to count .........


----------



## RandomDude

Ok guys... even with my A game, no sex, not sure if she's even the type for FWBs now, which is erm, surprising. "It's too fast" she says, well... ok sure, then why else would she call me after not texting after our first date? Her reason for not texting me last date: "I wasn't sure if you were into me"... oooooooooook... whatever :scratchhead: , not convinced.

Also spent a weebit too much tonight for no sex. BAH!

Honestly I felt rather led on, she gave me very obvious signals during our date, so WTF at the end?! The date itself was fun despite the weather, she dressed well too, but when it came to initiation of sex she stopped me and then shut me down completely to the point that the touches had to be more conservative. With those boundaries the message was clear: Don't even try to tease me.

So alright, she's not attracted. So why waste my time? Probably just to scab free nights out or something. She did text me after this time, well obviously, after our little 'misunderstanding'. She calls me player... she said it playfully sure but... -.- Not happy, WHY THE FK DOES EVERY WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER, IVE BEEN CELIBATE FOR A FKING YEAR EVEN!!!!! BAH!

Meh, either I ignore and forget about her or I call her and tell her I don't think we're compatible.


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh*

Alright, calming down abit, I think I set my expectations a little too high. Not exactly her fault... meh

Anyway not feeling so good about it, oh well


----------



## SARAHMCD

RandomDude said:


> Ok guys... even with my A game, no sex, not sure if she's even the type for FWBs now, which is erm, surprising. "It's too fast" she says, well... ok sure, then why else would she call me after not texting after our first date? Her reason for not texting me last date: "I wasn't sure if you were into me"... oooooooooook... whatever :scratchhead: , not convinced.
> 
> Also spent a weebit too much tonight for no sex. BAH!
> 
> Honestly I felt rather led on, she gave me very obvious signals during our date, so WTF at the end?! The date itself was fun despite the weather, she dressed well too, but when it came to initiation of sex she stopped me and then shut me down completely to the point that the touches had to be more conservative. With those boundaries the message was clear: Don't even try to tease me.
> 
> So alright, she's not attracted. So why waste my time? Probably just to scab free nights out or something. She did text me after this time, well obviously, after our little 'misunderstanding'. She calls me player... she said it playfully sure but... -.- Not happy, WHY THE FK DOES EVERY WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER, IVE BEEN CELIBATE FOR A FKING YEAR EVEN!!!!! BAH!
> 
> Meh, either I ignore and forget about her or I call her and tell her I don't think we're compatible.


It sounds like she wants to date you...not be a FWB. She's calling you a player because you're trying to set her up as a FWB. She wants you to be interested in more than just sex with her. Have you openly said you want casual only?


----------



## RandomDude

If she wants to date me properly then why didn't she text me after our first date, she obviously wasn't interested enough in me to let me know she had a good time... ok granted our first date was pretty meh, but still... bah FK I dunno. Not used to all this crap anymore. Should just go back to fking celibacy.


----------



## RandomDude

Hell I shouldn't have brought in my A game either, now I can't trust her, like hell, now she knows cash is pocket change for me, if we go out again it's always going to be in my mind "she's after freebies", even if she's not. Shot myself in the foot there too. Ah screw it, I messed up. Best to let this one go. Another lonely night, oh well, was greeted by my cat in my cupboard tonight and picking up my daughter tomorrow so fk it, it'll pass.

I shouldn't feel lonely, why do I feel lonely after tonight? Hell dating again is like reminding me of what I don't have. That's just not cool. I was content before, ignorance is bliss. This sure as hell aint bliss... but meh fk it... going to bed


----------



## FeministInPink

I think RD's on point with this one. Obviously, my piece of meat theory was wrong. Sorry about that, RD.

I don't like her. She seems to be playing games. She didn't text you because she didn't think you were into her? But she didn't really seem to be into you on the first date.

I don't think you messed up. I think she messed up, by playing games with you.


----------



## tripad

Rd

If it's confusing now . It will be more confusing later .

Maybe she wants you to do the chase . Maybe she really doesn't want sex so fast and that is why she text you . But you were thinking of her as fwb n you got too physical . 

Too many possibilities .

People may think you are a player because you may dress like one , behave like one , or in industry where players are .

When I used to party a lot , or even right now when I dressed to party , and I party hard when I do since I don't get time out very often , I get pick up very often as they may think I am a crazy party animal whom they can play with easily . 

It is the looks n dressing perhaps


----------



## gouge_away

I get called a player sometimes... Sure, I date multiple people, I'm not looking for any commitments from anybody, and that's what players do, romanticise multiple women and don't allow a woman to lock him into commitments.

However, I am very clear, and when I had OLD, my intentions were in black and white, right there at the top of my profile.

Still, many would call me a player, or worse, they set up a date with me, then go and read my profile and realize I am not looking for a LTR, so they back out of the date saying, "I'm not looking for a player."

...Duck feathers!

Now to dissect your lady friend.
She wasn't sure if you were interested, so she was waiting for you to get back to her first... If you had, it would have validated her, she wouldn't have been sitting around asking herself (like I said) "what does he think of me?"

After a few days of wondering, she decided she had to know for sure, because you gave her your number in the first place, right? And you set up a date, right? After that date you ceased, right?

So in her mind, something happened, either the date was so bad he went from chasing me to running from me, why? Or he moved on to a more interesting woman.

She needed closure, so she called you (like I said she would) and you set up another date... Now your interested again?

WHAT THE **** IS THIS GUYS ISSUE?

Ohhhhh, he's looking to get laid............ Yup, I was right, he's a player.

Remember, your the one that pretended to not be all that interested in the first place... And RD, I think your game is on. You say you didn't bring your A game to date 1, but you played that hand just like a PRO

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## bkyln309

I will say one thing in her defense (possibly). IF she is a VERY attractive girl, alot of times that is all they get is players and men who want to score with them. They want to be more than just a pretty face/hot body to a man. It gets tiresome after awhile (so I have heard).

I really get the impression is wants to date you.


----------



## Threeblessings

RandomDude said:


> Ok guys... even with my A game, no sex, not sure if she's even the type for FWBs now, which is erm, surprising. "It's too fast" she says, well... ok sure, then why else would she call me after not texting after our first date? Her reason for not texting me last date: "I wasn't sure if you were into me"... oooooooooook... whatever :scratchhead: , not convinced.
> 
> Also spent a weebit too much tonight for no sex. BAH!
> 
> Honestly I felt rather led on, she gave me very obvious signals during our date, so WTF at the end?! The date itself was fun despite the weather, she dressed well too, but when it came to initiation of sex she stopped me and then shut me down completely to the point that the touches had to be more conservative. With those boundaries the message was clear: Don't even try to tease me.
> 
> So alright, she's not attracted. So why waste my time? Probably just to scab free nights out or something. She did text me after this time, well obviously, after our little 'misunderstanding'. She calls me player... she said it playfully sure but... -.- Not happy, WHY THE FK DOES EVERY WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER, IVE BEEN CELIBATE FOR A FKING YEAR EVEN!!!!! BAH!
> 
> Meh, either I ignore and forget about her or I call her and tell her I don't think we're compatible.




How long have you been seeing her? I wouldn't sleep with anyone after only a few dates! Morals and values are important attributes. To jump in the sack so soon well that makes it look like you're taking advantage and she's cheap.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Threeblessings said:


> How long have you been seeing her? I wouldn't sleep with anyone after only a few dates! It could be morals and values.


Agreed! Seriously, you EXPECT sex after the first date??


----------



## Zulnex

Threeblessings said:


> How long have you been seeing her? I wouldn't sleep with anyone after only a few dates! It could be morals and values.


I absolutely agree as well.


----------



## RandomDude

All of this is so fking complicated!!! :banghead:

Going to my corner now...









Meh, screw it, I don't know what to do or how to deal with this, I'm out of my element now, I haven't dated in a year, no sex, trained my mind to be content with single daddyhood, all of this is now alien to me. Ego is shot to sh-t as well - about time too. Meh


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Agreed! Seriously, you EXPECT sex after the first date??


Second date...


----------



## RandomDude

Oooooooook... well... she called me earlier, told her I was with my kid, and that was that, she asked for a better time and told her to call later tonight. Meh, think I'll wait for her call before deciding anything, wonder what she has to say, strange that she called (bad sign actually), the ball was on my court to call/text her, she already sent me a msg last night.

She's a country girl, moved down to the city for work, not studying, working full-time, volunteers with animals, not religious, she's very bubbly - her behavior is youngish, but she's not stupid, can hold a conversation, just... "giggity" *sigh*, as bimboish her method of speech can be, she's polite, friendly with strangers, has a confident but not uptight walk. Never married, no kids, has a sister, reckons my daughter is cute and pretty, enjoys hearing my stories about her. Had a few stares from onlookers during our date, but didn't bother her.

I dunno... I hate to fking admit it but I was actually starting to like her, but hey she'll probably call me tonight to tell me she had a great time but don't want to waste my time so bye bye "player"! -.- Oh well, at least that will shut up brain #2 for a while.

Brain #1: "Told you so, see? Drama drama drama! Celibacy is the way to go!"
Brain #2: 
Brain #1: 

Bah!


----------



## FeministInPink

Stop jumping to conclusions. Wait until you hear what she has to say.


----------



## gouge_away

She might want to set some boundaries.

Maybe this girl knows exactly what she wants and you fit the bill, -the aloof first impression, and persistent second impression... She doesn't know where you are at, just be real with her, tell her, "I gave up on dating and sex for awhile," sorry my approach isn't as smooth as it used to be.

Let her take the lead for a bit if you want to see her some more.

I got wicked drunk on a first date, spent the night with the girl cause she wouldn't let me drive, and thought I would never hear from her again, her and I talk daily, I had to let her take the lead because she is so unsure of me.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Guys! Ok well, she was quite blunt, she called, asking if I got her text. Told her I was just a tad tired to reply, by her tone I felt like she wanted some sort of validation so I told her I had fun too. Anyway as we carried along, we talked about last night and she said she didn't want me to have the wrong impression, after asking her what she meant, she meant the impression being that she wasn't attracted. Anyway so I told her not to worry about it, and she asked me out for a road trip next week! So... yeah 

Brain #1:








Brain #2:









I admit I'm starting to like her - except that she seems to have decided that "player" is to be my new nickname. *sigh*

How original... oh well


----------



## tripad

Do guys like that " bluntness " ?

Good for you RD


----------



## RandomDude

Errr, depends, my definition of "blunt" is like; forward/upfront.

We've been texting tonight, I told her it's been a while for me, and that I didn't intend to be so forward, just misread her signals. Surprised she's still giving me a chance after two big screw ups. First date was meh, second date I was too forward. I dunno, I couldn't really put a finger around the type of girl she is. I went to the second date assuming she's just after sex, so instead of making a move to initiate sex with a potential FWB, should have used that moment for a first kiss instead - ya know, like one should do for a date. In the end, we don't really know each other, only starting to scratch the surface.

Oh well, what's done is done. My gut tells me I can't afford another screw up if I want to continue dating her.

Feel like an idiot actually... but meh, she asked me out so it's not over yet I guess.

*sigh* Wish I can turn back time now actually


----------



## RandomDude

First kiss...

Now it's starting to make a bit of sense, correct me if I'm wrong, but perhaps this is why she's still giving me a shot, cause there's still one card I haven't played - the first kiss. That's the usual determinant of a date's chemistry right? If we kiss and no feeling then alright, fun dates but lets move on... but not all hope is lost, just have to make sure I don't make anymore moves to sex her, and make our first kiss magical.

Right?
I'm trying to figure out why she called and asked me out after me screwing up 2x


----------



## tripad

You are watching too much Disney cartoon


----------



## RandomDude

Personally I don't care much about it, but for most women I've dated, first kiss means everrrrrrrrything!

Bah!


----------



## gouge_away

I would just follow her lead. If she starts touching you, or her hugs are longer (you know the ones where you feel uncomfortable not kissing) then just stare at her mouth while still holding her, if her hands move up to your neck or down to your ass, plant one on her. If her hands move to your sides, she's not interested, that's her 'turning' you away. She won't even know she's speaking with these cues, but you can tell what she is thinking.

Big thing is, stop speculating, study her body language, study her. Not only that the crazy amounts of intention you give by studying her actions and words might really turn her on.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

First date after a year and already she's making me work for my money -.-

I think I lost it, like I should have had a better approach, now I'm like on date-recovery mode.
What the hell happened to me in a year? I must have lost a few IQ points or something...

Bah


----------



## gouge_away

Don't spend too much money and spend more interest and creativity

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> First date after a year and already she's making me work for my money -.-
> 
> I think I lost it, like I should have had a better approach, now I'm like on date-recovery mode.
> What the hell happened to me in a year? I must have lost a few IQ points or something...
> 
> Bah



Rusty .


Wondering too about my own skills .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RD, I think you're way overthinking all this. And that's coming from someone famous for overthinking things. Go out, have fun, no expectations, just go with flow and be honest where you're at. You got this man!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

D9 went to a sleepover with friends last night. I had YG over and had flowers waiting. I cooked shrimp kebabs on the grill. We had more great fun and spent another night together. Woo hoo!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> RD, I think you're way overthinking all this. And that's coming from someone famous for overthinking things. Go out, have fun, no expectations, just go with flow and be honest where you're at. You got this man!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're right...

I seem to be rather emotionally vulnerable now it seems too, after a year of celibacy, emotions/feelings all haywire.

BTW she's hard to read for some reason, I don't know if it's just me 'cause I'm rusty or she's just weird. Like up until yesterday I thought she's bimboish based on her mannerism and body language. Meh

What's with that? Giggity giggity!


----------



## kingsfan

Hi everyone.

I guess I'll add my name to the list of singles on TAM. Been around here for several years though not as much the past year or so. Me and the now ex split a week ago tonight. Was my choice. It was hard, and I'm a bit bummed right now but still think it was for the best. Long story short, she and my oldest son weren't even close to seeing eye to eye and it wasn't getting better or going to get better (despite her claims otherwise IMO). That was the biggest reason for the split. Our sex life had also been on the skids for some time, which is originally what brought me to TAM years ago.

I just want to say TAM has been a great source of help and comfort in the sense I get the feeling I'm not alone in going through all of this, so thanks to some of the posters who are still around that have been positive advisors and those that have helpfully kicked my in the ass over the years. You're all good people.


----------



## bravenewworld

kingsfan said:


> I just want to say TAM has been a great source of help and comfort in the sense I get the feeling I'm not alone in going through all of this, so thanks to some of the posters who are still around that have been positive advisors and those that have helpfully kicked my in the ass over the years. You're all good people.


I'm going to second the above because kingsfan said it better than I ever could! Been lurking more than posting as of late and enjoying reading all the singles of tam adventures. Y'all wild!  

Life post-d (shoot, over two years now, how time flies!) has been great. Except for the fact I've realized I am still stuck in single mode with a lot of "trigger issues." I actually like being single, but I hate the fact someone can say something on a date and it puts me on edge. Or is that natural? 

For example, went out with a friend of a friend. Nice guy, fun time. He told me a story about how his mother (allegedly) took his father on a ride via alimony, then later asked if I collect alimony from my ex. I was so shocked I sputtered out a "no" and tried to change the subject. Is it normal to ask questions like that? Lately felt like people ask me really personal questions on dates. Maybe I'm just fussy. All systems red alert!!

Anyone enjoying being single more than being coupled up? Like I said, it's been over two years now and I still can't get excited about being in a relationship. #divorcedproblems


----------



## kingsfan

bravenewworld said:


> I'm going to second the above because kingsfan said it better than I ever could! Been lurking more than posting as of late and enjoying reading all the singles of tam adventures. Y'all wild!
> 
> Life post-d (shoot, over two years now, how time flies!) has been great. Except for the fact I've realized I am still stuck in single mode with a lot of "trigger issues." I actually like being single, but I hate the fact someone can say something on a date and it puts me on edge. Or is that natural?
> 
> For example, went out with a friend of a friend. Nice guy, fun time. He told me a story about how his mother (allegedly) took his father on a ride via alimony, then later asked if I collect alimony from my ex. I was so shocked I sputtered out a "no" and tried to change the subject. Is it normal to ask questions like that? Lately felt like people ask me really personal questions on dates. Maybe I'm just fussy. All systems red alert!!
> 
> Anyone enjoying being single more than being coupled up? Like I said, it's been over two years now and I still can't get excited about being in a relationship. #divorcedproblems


Thanks BNW.

Though I'm not even back into the dating scene, I'd assume asking anyone financial questions on (what I assume is) the first date is a no no. Asking financial questions about a divorce is even more so. Finances to me are private, you need to have a certain level of relationship to start digging into money on the first date. 

First date money discussion should start and end with 'Are we going Dutch?'


----------



## RandomDude

> Anyone enjoying being single more than being coupled up? Like I said, it's been over two years now and I still can't get excited about being in a relationship. #divorcedproblems


Sure, then hornyness kicks in after a while =/

...making you do silly things


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Sure, then hornyness kicks in after a while =/
> 
> ...making you do silly things


Tell me about it. I swear every date I've been on over the past year has been 99% due to "feeling horny" and 1% "I need companionship." Wish I was one of those people who could have NSA hookups, but I need some type of connection otherwise I become self-conscious and it's awkward. 

Urgggggghhhhh (the sound of frustration)


----------



## RandomDude

Haha same 

Hence my schizo behaviour as of late, on one hand I have an established single lifestyle, on the other, I'm still get annoying messages from down below >.<

After a year of serenity and celibacy now I embarrassed myself twice already in 2016, and going for the hat trick! Bah!


----------



## kingsfan

I'll be there too. And it won't take a year to get there either.


----------



## bravenewworld

Not looking forward to the aftermath of whatever comes next....


----------



## kingsfan

Was reading the online dating thread. Interesting read.

I'm nowhere near ready to get back into the dating scene but I figure if I do it will be via online dating at first. Seems like an easy way to meet people without any commitment if things go to fast. I imagine it's hard to know when you are actually ready to date and I could see myself thinking I am, start talking to a lady and suddenly going through the rolodex of emotions and questions that will likely flood into my head. Seems like it would be easier to pull back if need be on someone you have never actually taken on a date yet, or even met.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

bravenewworld said:


> For example, went out with a friend of a friend. Nice guy, fun time. He told me a story about how his mother (allegedly) took his father on a ride via alimony, then later asked if I collect alimony from my ex. I was so shocked I sputtered out a "no" and tried to change the subject. Is it normal to ask questions like that? Lately felt like people ask me really personal questions on dates. Maybe I'm just fussy. All systems red alert!!


Maybe financial independence is a dealbreaker/boundary for him, and he doesn't want to waste time getting to know someone who doesn't meet it? That's the only reason I can think of for asking personal questions like that so early on - checking for dealbreakers. For example, making sure someone is fully divorced and not just separated.

Or maybe he's just socially inept and doesn't feel it's inappropriate.



bravenewworld said:


> Anyone enjoying being single more than being coupled up? Like I said, it's been over two years now and I still can't get excited about being in a relationship. #divorcedproblems


I enjoy being single. I'm also excited about the idea of some day being in a relationship again, a good one. I just can't find time to put in the work to find one!


----------



## RandomDude

OMFG what is up with today? My car broke down AND my phone battery is dead (STUPID SMARTPHONES FK!), AND I have a new client this week... Oh hell why does everything have to happen at once?!?!?!?! SH-T!!!!!!!!!!

Ah hell looks like I'm going to have to spend a few hundred bucks just on FKING TAXIS TODAY.... SH-T

Edit: Fixed, thank the heavens! *sigh* Stress stress stress... sure could use sexy time right about now... *sigh again*


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> OMFG what is up with today? My car broke down AND my phone battery is dead (STUPID SMARTPHONES FK!), AND I have a new client this week... Oh hell why does everything have to happen at once?!?!?!?! SH-T!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Ah hell looks like I'm going to have to spend a few hundred bucks just on FKING TAXIS TODAY.... SH-T
> 
> Edit: Fixed, thank the heavens! *sigh* Stress stress stress... sure could use sexy time right about now... *sigh again*


What was the issue with your car?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mr The Other

I had two dates this weekend. The first one did the now normal thing of confirming and then not showing up (oh the the good old days when they would send a text cancelling). The second one is today.


----------



## FeministInPink

Mr The Other said:


> I had two dates this weekend. The first one did the now normal thing of confirming and then not showing up (oh the the good old days when they would send a text cancelling). The second one is today.


The number of times I've been stood up on dates makes me want to require a monetary deposit from men when they make the date. If they don't show, I get to keep the money. If they do show, the deposit goes towards paying for the date.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I'm going to second the above because kingsfan said it better than I ever could! Been lurking more than posting as of late and enjoying reading all the singles of tam adventures. Y'all wild!
> 
> Life post-d (shoot, over two years now, how time flies!) has been great. Except for the fact I've realized I am still stuck in single mode with a lot of "trigger issues." I actually like being single, but I hate the fact someone can say something on a date and it puts me on edge. Or is that natural?
> 
> For example, went out with a friend of a friend. Nice guy, fun time. He told me a story about how his mother (allegedly) took his father on a ride via alimony, then later asked if I collect alimony from my ex. I was so shocked I sputtered out a "no" and tried to change the subject. Is it normal to ask questions like that? Lately felt like people ask me really personal questions on dates. Maybe I'm just fussy. All systems red alert!!
> 
> Anyone enjoying being single more than being coupled up? Like I said, it's been over two years now and I still can't get excited about being in a relationship. #divorcedproblems


No, it is NOT normal to ask a question like that. It sounds like he has some hang-ups about his parents' divorce, which might be a red flag...

Yes, aside from the hornyness, most of the time single-hood seems like the most attractive option. Especially once you start dating, and you see what your options are


----------



## Mr The Other

FeministInPink said:


> The number of times I've been stood up on dates makes me want to require a monetary deposit from men when they make the date. If they don't show, I get to keep the money. If they do show, the deposit goes towards paying for the date.


Is this an American thing, or is it something happening in the last few years?

Back in the UK, women always said yes, but would cancel by text. That is why I had assumed it was a woman thing. Sorry to hear it is worse than that.


----------



## FeministInPink

Mr The Other said:


> Is this an American thing, or is it something happening in the last few years?
> 
> Back in the UK, women always said yes, but would cancel by text. That is why I had assumed it was a woman thing. Sorry to hear it is worse than that.


It might well be an American thing, I don't know. It's pretty difficult to find manner and courtesy in our society these days.

I frequently feel like this:


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> What was the issue with your car?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Battery -.-

Was under warranty too! Just wasnt a good day for batteries yesterday, phone included >.<



FeministInPink said:


> The number of times I've been stood up on dates makes me want to require a monetary deposit from men when they make the date. If they don't show, I get to keep the money. If they do show, the deposit goes towards paying for the date.





Mr The Other said:


> I had two dates this weekend. The first one did the now normal thing of confirming and then not showing up (oh the the good old days when they would send a text cancelling). The second one is today.


Perils of online dating


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> It might well be an American thing, I don't know. It's pretty difficult to find manner and courtesy in our society these days.
> 
> I frequently feel like this:


:lol:

There's a stereotype that men go nuts if they don't "clean the pipes" every so often, but dammit, women go nuts too! Why is it so hard to find someone cool and fun and non-crazy to do that with?


----------



## bravenewworld

Mr The Other said:


> I had two dates this weekend. The first one did the now normal thing of confirming and then not showing up (oh the the good old days when they would send a text cancelling). The second one is today.


I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following: 

"I'm in recovery from being in a cult." 

"I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."

"You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"

"Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner." 

"My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.) 

Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::


----------



## RandomDude

Lol!

Hell I cant really say ive have alot of bad first dates, but then again im strictly offline so 

why not work on that? Confidence that is, maybe it will up the bar in terms of quality dates
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> Lol!
> 
> Hell I cant really say ive have alot of bad first dates, but then again im strictly offline so
> 
> why not work on that? Confidence that is, maybe it will up the bar in terms of quality dates
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've had a mix of online and offline - right now strictly offline due to the above.  That said, there have been some good ones too.

I think the problem is I can hold my liquor, but for a lot of people, the moment after that second drink is when the date suddenly veers into "TMI" time.


----------



## RandomDude

Heh I dunno if its just the alcohol, then again I dont have much onlune xp n most have been bad.

Too many weirdos to go through to find a decent human being, whereas with offline, gut feelings straight away to help u filter them out. They cant hide hehe 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following:
> 
> "I'm in recovery from being in a cult."
> 
> "I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."
> 
> "You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"
> 
> "Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."
> 
> "My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)
> 
> Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::


Wow. Experiences like these would make me never want to date again. 

I agree, why is it so hard to find someone non-crazy to clean the pipes with? Sometimes, I think I would rather NOT have a relationship, if I could otherwise get a steady supply of monogamous sex.


----------



## RandomDude

Maybe start fluttering those pretty eyes of urs n someone might smile back FIP 

u might meet a 'player' like me though :l heaven forbid 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Maybe start fluttering those pretty eyes of urs n someone might smile back FIP
> 
> u might meet a 'player' like me though :l heaven forbid
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RD, you know I have no idea what the fvck I'm doing when it comes to men, lol


----------



## farsidejunky

bravenewworld said:


> I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following:
> 
> "I'm in recovery from being in a cult."
> 
> "I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."
> 
> "You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"
> 
> "Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."
> 
> "My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)
> 
> Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::


Reading this post (and to a larger degree this thread) makes me content to overlook my wife's shortcomings!

I can't believe any of those things were said. I wouldn't even say those things to a friend in jest... Well maybe to a friend in jest, but certainly not to a lady who was interested enough in me to want to have dinner.

Just...wow.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> RD, you know I have no idea what the fvck I'm doing when it comes to men, lol


Sure but you can work on that 

It's just comfort zones, sometimes you just have to challenge yourself to achieve something better.

I guess with my industry I'm required to make new acquaintances and build rapport quickly so I'm used to it but it wasn't always that way. I'm introverted by nature and shy throughout my life too.

Besides it's not like you are approaching them 
Just maintain eye contact and smile, maybe flutter and give them butterflies hehe, chances are, the guy will be more scared of approaching you than you are of smiling at him lol

Edit: Oh btw, if you do that, it will also lead you to figure out how hot he reckons of you 

For example, when a lady flutters at me:
A woman that I don't find attractive -> I will look away, ignore her existence, play dumb and hope she gets the message lest I get sexually harassed
A woman that I find attractive -> I will maintain eye contact, smile, maybe I will look around to make sure I'm the one in her sights lol - especially if I find her real hot! (Dead giveaway)

Wouldn't you like to know?


----------



## kingsfan

bravenewworld said:


> I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following:
> 
> "I'm in recovery from being in a cult."
> 
> "I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."
> 
> "You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"
> 
> "Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."
> 
> "My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)
> 
> Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::


Anddddd now I'm fine with going without a date for a while again. Maybe I'll just bookmark that post for whenever I feel week and want to open up a POF account.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Sure but you can work on that
> 
> It's just comfort zones, sometimes you just have to challenge yourself to achieve something better.
> 
> I guess with my industry I'm required to make new acquaintances and build rapport quickly so I'm used to it but it wasn't always that way. I'm introverted by nature and shy throughout my life too.
> 
> Besides it's not like you are approaching them
> Just maintain eye contact and smile, maybe flutter and give them butterflies hehe, chances are, the guy will be more scared of approaching you than you are of smiling at him lol
> 
> Edit: Oh btw, if you do that, it will also lead you to figure out how hot he reckons of you
> 
> For example, when a lady flutters at me:
> *A woman that I don't find attractive -> I will look away, ignore her existence, play dumb and hope she gets the message lest I get sexually harassed*
> A woman that I find attractive -> I will maintain eye contact, smile, maybe I will look around to make sure I'm the one in her sights lol - especially if I find her real hot! (Dead giveaway)
> 
> Wouldn't you like to know?


See, now this is where I go wrong. I am **SO** self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.

You guys have heard me talk about my mom before. I've internalized so much of her bullsh!t (and stiff from my XH) that even the thought of making eye contact leaves me paralyzed with fear.

It's absurd. I had no problem approaching and hitting on guys when I was in college. But now that I say that, I realize that in college, 1) alcohol was involved, and 2) I already knew the guys from class or activities, so I already had a gauge on how interested they might be. I was also several dress sizes smaller in college, so that certainly helped my self-esteem. I wasn't the smallest girl in the world, but I had a good figure.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> And I have no idea how to flutter.


I confess I have no idea what RD means when he talks about this flutter thing. I just keep picturing women suddenly sprouting butterfly wings and hovering there until you buffet them out of your way.

I don't believe I've ever seen any woman do this, unless he means the simpering idiot behaviour where they get all giggly and coy. I personally do not want anything to do with such a woman. Give me someone intelligent and confident, whom I can take seriously. Not someone acting like having just met Justin Bieber is the greatest thing that could ever happen to them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I confess I have no idea what RD means when he talks about this flutter thing. I just keep picturing women suddenly sprouting butterfly wings and hovering there until you buffet them out of your way.
> 
> I don't believe I've ever seen any woman do this, unless he means the simpering idiot behaviour where they get all giggly and coy. I personally do not want anything to do with such a woman. Give me someone intelligent and confident, whom I can take seriously. Not someone acting like having just met Justin Bieber is the greatest thing that could ever happen to them.


For some reason, I think he's talking about batting eyelashes, which I can't do, and strikes me as looking ridiculous anyway.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> "I'm in recovery from being in a cult."
> 
> "I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."
> 
> "You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"
> 
> "Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."
> 
> "My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)
> 
> Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::


These are funny!! wow... The worst Ive heard was " I thought you'd be taller" 




FeministInPink said:


> See, now this is where I go wrong. I am **SO** self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.
> 
> You guys have heard me talk about my mom before. I've internalized so much of her bullsh!t (and stiff from my XH) that even the thought of making eye contact leaves me paralyzed with fear.
> .


I am the same FiP. I have never approached men, never. I am so outgoing and charming when I do not find the men attractive, but if I find them slightly attractive, I act like a total stuck up b!tch....


----------



## RandomDude

Aye, fluttering of eyelashes, it doesnt have to be like *blink* *blink* *blink*, yeah that's funny. But a short blink with eye contact and smile, 'tis cute 



> See, now this is where I go wrong. I am *SO* self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.


>.<!

Clear red light signal there 



> I am the same FiP. I have never approached men, never. I am so outgoing and charming when I do not find the men attractive, but if I find them slightly attractive, I act like a total stuck up b!tch....


Well that's a signal I can identify, a behavioral change. E.G. I can tell when a lady is interested when I walk in the room and her posture changes hehe 

'Tis cute!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> See, now this is where I go wrong. I am **SO** self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.
> 
> 
> 
> >.<!
> 
> Clear red light signal there
Click to expand...

I know. Paralyzed with fear 

I think it's partially a defense mechanism. My mother had me completely convinced that no one would want me, combined with the torturous bullying and teasing I received from grade school classmates when they learned I had a crush on a certain boy, all of which taught me that I should never reveal it in the slightest--even through simple eye contact--if I found someone attractive, because 1) it would never be reciprocal, and 2) I would be mocked and tortured for daring to think that someone else might be attracted back. Combine that with the more recent emotional trauma of my failed marriage...

Logically and rationally, I know that's ridiculous. But that doesn't make it any easier to make eye contact or flirt.


----------



## RandomDude

I had a similar childhood, kids always teased me whenever I liked a girl, especially a non-Asian girl, and it didn't help that I'm Asian and culturally in Western society we are seen as "inferior" in attractiveness. Despite the teasing and mocking however, I had plenty of girls developing a crush on me during childhood thanks to my pretty face, but even though they were the ones who asked me out or told me straight up that they like me, I didn't know how to respond as thanks to the racist culture I saw myself as "Asian" and "not attractive". I still remember one Aussie girl was flirting blatantly and her friend said "she likes you", and then the girl said "don't tell him our secret!", and I responded... "errr.. so?" :rofl: She never talked to me again.

Another time a Kiwi girl asked me if I had a girlfriend in class, I said "no", and then she goes "I'll go out with you", and then I went "errrr... you're joking" lol, and I'll never forget the look on her face, she just looked down all depressed and mumbled beneath her voice "I was so... serious", and like the other girl, never talked to me again haha. So come on - I bet you never made a fool of yourself like that FIP!!! 

It wasn't until I was 16 that I gained confidence with my first girlfriend who was European, and at 5'11 I'm already taller than average Aussies which helped with the confidence. I never started to stick up for my race or other non-Anglo races until my second girlfriend who was a very beautiful Aboriginal girl, and the mates I grew up with teased me saying "does she have flies out of her p----" "what are you doing with an ab-" etc etc. I was never taught the importance of race in the culture until then.

But despite having dated great women, I was still shy! Until I came out of the streets to legit life, and only job I could get that paid well without experience or qualifications was sales. So I took it, and that pushed me past my comfort zone, to approach people and charm them. I hate sales personally but the experience was excellent. Especially one absolutely stunning lady that I pitched to, and the look of disappointment on her face when she realised I wasn't interested in her either than closing a sale... I've never forgotten that, and that inspired me to never miss an opportunity like that again. So after I got over all the hangups and self-consciousness, it meant I could pick up whenever I saw fit. Hence offline dating and picking up lady's numbers the old school way, I'm like that now sure but - it was not always so.

BTW: After she learnt I was only talking to her to get her CC details and not her phone number - she didn't buy  Bah!

I've been there FIP, that's just what I'm saying, and I see you need healing too, and to push yourself past your comfort zone because the rewards - I wouldn't have it any other way. All the women I date I always find attractive by my scale of 8+/10 (bear in mind too that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I found an aboriginal woman - culturally deemed unattractive - to be very attractive for instance), and none of them have been all that bad, even ex-wife.


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez now the memories are coming back... reminds me of another time in class another Aussie girl asked me out, she was pretty too, but when I turned her down she asked "do you like girls" and I didn't reply, just ignored her. And then her b-tch of a best friend went around the class telling everyone that I'm gay -.- lol

Speaking of which, I've never had a relationship with an Anglo girl, makes me wonder why I'm even bothering wasting my time with my current date, who's as true blue as you can get. Still, I never got the racist vibe from her, unlike others, like not too long ago after seperation an Aussie woman was flirting with me heavily and even though I wasn't interested I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I was just playing along planning to disappear shortly. Then she blurted out "you know what turns me so much about you? You're an Asian guy with balls" -.- I turned around and told her to get fked! I just don't tolerate that racist crap, so there went the gentleman in me, then again I wouldn't call her a lady... racist b-tch that she was pffft!

Think I made a bad decision dating this current Anglo girl, and after the 2nd date I guess she's not interested in FWBs so what the heck am I doing going on a road trip with her? Bah! Might cancel actually, even if she's fine by herself I don't think I want to deal with her family or friends who are pre-dominantly Anglo as well. Meh


----------



## tripad

Hopeful Cynic said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> And I have no idea how to flutter.
> 
> 
> 
> I confess I have no idea what RD means when he talks about this flutter thing. I just keep picturing women suddenly sprouting butterfly wings and hovering there until you buffet them out of your way.
> 
> I don't believe I've ever seen any woman do this, unless he means the simpering idiot behaviour where they get all giggly and coy. I personally do not want anything to do with such a woman. Give me someone intelligent and confident, whom I can take seriously. Not someone acting like having just met Justin Bieber is the greatest thing that could ever happen to them.
Click to expand...


Lol

I was just wondering if I need to learn how to flutter .

I don't really flutter .


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> See, now this is where I go wrong. I am **SO** self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.
> 
> 
> 
> >.<!
> 
> Clear red light signal there
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I know. Paralyzed with fear
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think it's partially a defense mechanism. My mother had me completely convinced that no one would want me, combined with the torturous bullying and teasing I received from grade school classmates when they learned I had a crush on a certain boy, all of which taught me that I should never reveal it in the slightest--even through simple eye contact--if I found someone attractive, because 1) it would never be reciprocal, and 2) I would be mocked and tortured for daring to think that someone else might be attracted back. Combine that with the more recent emotional trauma of my failed marriage...
> 
> Logically and rationally, I know that's ridiculous. But that doesn't make it any easier to make eye contact or flirt.
Click to expand...

FIP

All of us need to heal n get pass the past . To move on . 

I grew up in rough n tough environment but thank goodness I didn't suffer any bullying as I was always vocal n would back instantly .

But inside me , the feeling of not being good enough in whatever I do is always there , even though I am told i am good in what I do . I try to convince myself inside my head that I am good . n move on . all the time . 

If I get someone cute staring at me in the supermarket next time , I am determine to flutter , just a little , as I don't usually flutter ?

N go over n pick him up . oh god , send him my way.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I had a similar childhood, kids always teased me whenever I liked a girl, especially a non-Asian girl, and it didn't help that I'm Asian and culturally in Western society we are seen as "inferior" in attractiveness. Despite the teasing and mocking however, I had plenty of girls developing a crush on me during childhood thanks to my pretty face, but even though they were the ones who asked me out or told me straight up that they like me, I didn't know how to respond as thanks to the racist culture I saw myself as "Asian" and "not attractive". I still remember one Aussie girl was flirting blatantly and her friend said "she likes you", and then the girl said "don't tell him our secret!", and I responded... "errr.. so?"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She never talked to me again.
> 
> Another time a Kiwi girl asked me if I had a girlfriend in class, I said "no", and then she goes "I'll go out with you", and then I went "errrr... you're joking" lol, and I'll never forget the look on her face, she just looked down all depressed and mumbled beneath her voice "I was so... serious", and like the other girl, never talked to me again haha. So come on - I bet you never made a fool of yourself like that FIP!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It wasn't until I was 16 that I gained confidence with my first girlfriend who was European, and at 5'11 I'm already taller than average Aussies which helped with the confidence. I never started to stick up for my race or other non-Anglo races until my second girlfriend who was a very beautiful Aboriginal girl, and the mates I grew up with teased me saying "does she have flies out of her p----" "what are you doing with an ab-" etc etc. I was never taught the importance of race in the culture until then.
> 
> But despite having dated great women, I was still shy! Until I came out of the streets to legit life, and only job I could get that paid well without experience or qualifications was sales. So I took it, and that pushed me past my comfort zone, to approach people and charm them. I hate sales personally but the experience was excellent. Especially one absolutely stunning lady that I pitched to, and the look of disappointment on her face when she realised I wasn't interested in her either than closing a sale... I've never forgotten that, and that inspired me to never miss an opportunity like that again. So after I got over all the hangups and self-consciousness, it meant I could pick up whenever I saw fit. Hence offline dating and picking up lady's numbers the old school way, I'm like that now sure but - it was not always so.
> 
> BTW: After she learnt I was only talking to her to get her CC details and not her phone number - she didn't buy
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Bah!
> 
> I've been there FIP, that's just what I'm saying, and I see you need healing too, and to push yourself past your comfort zone because the rewards - I wouldn't have it any other way. All the women I date I always find attractive by my scale of 8+/10 (bear in mind too that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I found an aboriginal woman - culturally deemed unattractive - to be very attractive for instance), and none of them have been all that bad, even ex-wife.



Heart breaker 

Rd .

You could have them all . lol


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Heart breaker
> 
> Rd .
> 
> You could have them all . lol


Sure, but I lacked the confidence in childhood, and two girls I actually DID like. Example, my first infactuation, prior to my first gf, oh hell! I was so "in love" with her, and whenever she was in a room I was in a daze haha! I didn't have a clue of what to say to her, even hello! And the closer I got to her physically - the more intense my heart was beating! I was in love with her for a year and didn't say ONE word to her. Oh, another time, it was just puppy love but instead of asking her out, I did "recon" and found out she liked two things, so I got her those two things combined, not going to say what it is btw  , and then she liked me straight away but THEN guess what I did?!

... I ignored her, and avoided her! :slap:

... regretted ever since, both those times, and along with saying those stupid things even earlier in my childhood with the other girls. But I guess I didn't regret it enough because I still made stupid decisions like that lady I pitched to when I was young and doing sales. Hell she was a perfect 10, face, hair, body... the hell was wrong with me? >.< So yeah, I advice people to get out of their comfort zones, to grab opportunities knowing that it wont knock twice, and saying this as a man with many regrets in my youth. Sometimes you may need a break to heal sure, but its worth working on.

Confidence is important not just in relationships but in work as well, I sure as hell wouldn't be able to do what I do today if I didn't get a kick up the butt in late 10s / early20s.


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of puppy love, another thing I don't get with all this online dating stuff... like... the first time you felt butterflies - it was offline yes? Don't you like to experience it again?
I won't forget my first infactuation, the first girl I mentioned above, eyes were locked on each other, we couldn't tear ourselves away, felt like the whole world changed and there was no one else, just the two of us - but I did nothing >.< Still! Offline is so much more potentially romantic no?

Either than typing crap online and then having awkward first dates as the first contact. Besides, I doubt anyone was as bad as I was when I was young! Ack! Embarrassing!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Speaking of puppy love, another thing I don't get with all this online dating stuff... like... the first time you felt butterflies - it was offline yes? Don't you like to experience it again?
> I won't forget my first infactuation, the first girl I mentioned above, eyes were locked on each other, we couldn't tear ourselves away, felt like the whole world changed and there was no one else, just the two of us - but I did nothing >.< Still! Offline is so much more potentially romantic no?
> 
> Either than typing crap online and then having awkward first dates as the first contact. Besides, I doubt anyone was as bad as I was when I was young! Ack! Embarrassing!


Well, I'm a brainy chick, so I need someone who can engage my brain cells, too... and I'm a bookworm and a writer. The way a man uses words is important to me, so the OLD experience did help me identify men who are good with words. And yes, I can get butterflies from a man's writing, if he's good at it. Sometimes that carries over IRL, sometimes it doesn't. But if a man can't communicate with me--and on my level--in writing, he won't be able to IRL, either.

And, guys, yes... I know that I have issues I need to work through. I'm in that process. It's why they come up here. Because I'm trying to work through them IRL, so there on the forefront of my mind. I'm discovering and learning things about myself, and trying to understand _why_ I do them, so that I can get to the root of the problem and change them. Sometimes, I get realizations just from typing out stuff on this thread.


----------



## tripad

Rd 

I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .


Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?

I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me . 

I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great . 

Puzzling


----------



## tripad

FIP

I don't like to write lengthy stuff as i m tired after a long day . 

Yup . there's a guy now who writes really length and philosophical stuff . I replied as the questions tickled me . but then , the lengthy mails continue n it turns into long mails of compliments on my reply n mushy " seeking for love , trust , blah blah " .

N I wonder how long more before I even meet to see if I have the hots for him . I need the brain to get turn on but I need to feel the chemistry to get turn on too .


----------



## tripad

He's either a scam or a real philosophical guy .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> FIP
> 
> I don't like to write lengthy stuff as i m tired after a long day .
> 
> Yup . there's a guy now who writes really length and philosophical stuff . I replied as the questions tickled me . but then , *the lengthy mails continue n it turns into long mails of compliments on my reply n mushy " seeking for love , trust , blah blah *" .
> 
> N I wonder how long more before I even meet to see if I have the hots for him . I need the brain to get turn on but I need to feel the chemistry to get turn on too .


This might throw up a warning flag for me. Too much mushy, too soon.


----------



## tripad

Yup

The last mushy guy turn out to be a scam asking for money because he had a " little trouble " in business .


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I'm a brainy chick, so I need someone who can engage my brain cells, too... and I'm a bookworm and a writer. The way a man uses words is important to me, so the OLD experience did help me identify men who are good with words. And yes, I can get butterflies from a man's writing, if he's good at it. Sometimes that carries over IRL, sometimes it doesn't. But if a man can't communicate with me--and on my level--in writing, he won't be able to IRL, either.
> 
> And, guys, yes... I know that I have issues I need to work through. I'm in that process. It's why they come up here. Because I'm trying to work through them IRL, so there on the forefront of my mind. I'm discovering and learning things about myself, and trying to understand _why_ I do them, so that I can get to the root of the problem and change them. Sometimes, I get realizations just from typing out stuff on this thread.


But what if you meet him in person and he's nothing like that? 

I found with my issues in childhood I just had to focus on the positive experiences... even though the "positive experiences" during childhood resulted in my own stupidity, it helped to remind me that I'm sexy hehe 

Then I get bruised, like current date rejecting me for sex... bah! Still she called so... but I dunno, road trip is coming up, you reckon I should still go? Especially with potential cultural problems I described earlier?



tripad said:


> Rd
> 
> I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .
> 
> 
> Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?
> 
> I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .
> 
> I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .
> 
> Puzzling


Well, when I was an idiot (still am) I was around 15 at that time with that girl. Still, I bought the gift for and then ignored her later - I actually lost interest in her in a few months despite buying her the gift, so yeah...

When love feels unrequited, it dies. Just how it is, I can get over someone in weeks or even days. 4 months is a long time.


----------



## tripad

Rd 

Then I have no choice . he's not mine . 

I can't go out with him during my nasty divorce . I could end up being accused of adultery n lose custody of my children . I can't live with that .


----------



## tripad

Rd 

If he had been through a divorce himself , he should know ? That i can't go out with him during my divorce . 

N that it was a vulnerable time for me to get into a relationship ?


----------



## RandomDude

Where I live it's no-fault divorce so after seperation ex and I were pretty much dating after.

Regardless of his experience with divorce or his feelings towards you, the feelings must have died off and there's not really any point in pursuing it further. I regret not taking the next step with that girl in my teens as she got pretty depressed and confused after that, which wasn't very nice of me. Still, what's done is done. It's best to move on.


----------



## tripad

Yup . too bad .

He's cute .

But I m cute too , lol


----------



## TooNice

As much as I had good moments with online dating, and I do think it was right for me at the time, I feel free. I deleted all of my accounts last week - OkC, Match, even Tinder. Match still has a month left on my account, but I'm glad to be free of it. I feel like I reached a point where OLD was almost an addiction. I've been home all night - filled four garbage bags with clothes and shoes to get rid of, went grocery shopping, and made a lovely dinner. My phone has been silent all night. No e-mails, no text messages. And I am more than ok with that. It's pretty liberating!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> As much as I had good moments with online dating, and I do think it was right for me at the time, I feel free. I deleted all of my accounts last week - OkC, Match, even Tinder. Match still has a month left on my account, but I'm glad to be free of it. I feel like I reached a point where OLD was almost an addiction. I've been home all night - filled four garbage bags with clothes and shoes to get rid of, went grocery shopping, and made a lovely dinner. My phone has been silent all night. No e-mails, no text messages. And I am more than ok with that. It's pretty liberating!


I agree, I felt a HUGE weight lifted when I got off the OLD sites!


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> Rd
> 
> I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .
> 
> 
> Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?
> 
> I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .
> 
> I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .
> 
> Puzzling


 So he asked you out, you said no, then you mention to him you're interested and then wait back for him to ask you again?

Some guys -myself included- would certainly look at that as once bitten, twice shy. It's embarrassing sometimes to get turned down, doubly so to get turned down twice by the same woman and I'd imagine it'd only be ramped up if that women lives right next door. 

Maybe he's thinking you were just flirting or seeking attention and not serious. After all, you said yourself it's only been four months since his eyes were on you. Well maybe in his head he's thinking it's only been four months since you told him no.

Maybe it's your turn to ask. Ask him if that date is still on the table and if offer a time/day to go for a coffee or whatever. 



tripad said:


> Rd
> 
> Then I have no choice . he's not mine .
> 
> I can't go out with him during my nasty divorce . I could end up being accused of adultery n lose custody of my children . I can't live with that .


Where do you live? Should your ex have to prove you did something during the marriage, not after the split? Dating after separation isn't automatically considered adultery, especially if we are talking several months after separation, which I gather is the reality of your situation.


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Rd
> 
> I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .
> 
> 
> Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?
> 
> I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .
> 
> I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .
> 
> Puzzling
> 
> 
> 
> So he asked you out, you said no, then you mention to him you're interested and then wait back for him to ask you again?
> 
> Some guys -myself included- would certainly look at that as once bitten, twice shy. It's embarrassing sometimes to get turned down, doubly so to get turned down twice by the same woman and I'd imagine it'd only be ramped up if that women lives right next door.
> 
> Maybe he's thinking you were just flirting or seeking attention and not serious. After all, you said yourself it's only been four months since his eyes were on you. Well maybe in his head he's thinking it's only been four months since you told him no.
> 
> Maybe it's your turn to ask. Ask him if that date is still on the table and if offer a time/day to go for a coffee or whatever.
> 
> 
> 
> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Rd
> 
> Then I have no choice . he's not mine .
> 
> I can't go out with him during my nasty divorce . I could end up being accused of adultery n lose custody of my children . I can't live with that .
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Where do you live? Should your ex have to prove you did something during the marriage, not after the split? Dating after separation isn't automatically considered adultery, especially if we are talking several months after separation, which I gather is the reality of your situation.
Click to expand...

He asked twice . I didnt say no . I didnt say yes . I just said " oh , how do you play that game " and " can you play that game well ? " n his invite was re directed .

He looked puzzled after that . 

Later , i didnt just show my interest n wait for him to ask . I was fair n i asked him for coffee . Of which he said " sure when i am back in town" but he didnt ask when he's back . So i take that as not keen . He travels a lot . 

I am sure he knows i was not flirting . I was in pretty bad shape , depressed n crying a lot . I cried to him for 2 hours once , the very first time he asked me out upon knowing abt my divorce . After that i decided not to do thst anymore . 

Should i ask again ?? ( horrified look on face ) ???

Yes it is several months after separation but i was afraid i am accused of adultery n lose custody . Divorce was nasty . Not sure about legalities . Anyhow i was depressed n sad n angry n bitter then , not the best time to be anyone's gf n grumble n complain the whole time . It probably wont last even if it had started , i figure his ears will be burnt out .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad, if you're concerned about the legalities, consult a lawyer.

If the lawyer gives you the "go ahead," then proceed. At this point, @kingsfan is right--you have to be the one to stick your neck out here, since he already did before and you turned him down.

Screw up your courage, go up to him and say, "When you asked me out X number of months ago, I was interested, but I wasn't ready for anything, and I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us, so I deflected your advances. But I was definitely interested at the time, and I still am, and I'm in a much better place than I was X number of months ago. So, if the offer still stands, I would love to go out with you sometime."


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> tripad, if you're concerned about the legalities, consult a lawyer.
> 
> If the lawyer gives you the "go ahead," then proceed. At this point, @kingsfan is right--you have to be the one to stick your neck out here, since he already did before and you turned him down.
> 
> Screw up your courage, go up to him and say, "When you asked me out X number of months ago, I was interested, but I wasn't ready for anything, and I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us, so I deflected your advances. But I was definitely interested at the time, and I still am, and I'm in a much better place than I was X number of months ago. So, if the offer still stands, I would love to go out with you sometime."


No need to check on legalities now . Divorce is finalized many months back . 

Yes i am in a much better place . I read somewhere that when you can talk about what happened without crying over it means you are over it . So i am over it .

But 

Fip

I dont have the courage to say what you said .

I just text him some months back that we can have coffee to catch up.

He said sure but he didnt fix a date .

N i left it at that .


----------



## tripad

Oh i mention let me know when you're back then .

He didnt 

From man's point of view , it's lost cause or am i supposed to follow up n go hey when is coffee date man .


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> No need to check on legalities now . Divorce is finalized many months back .
> 
> Yes i am in a much better place . I read somewhere that when you can talk about what happened without crying over it means you are over it . So i am over it .
> 
> But
> 
> Fip
> 
> I dont have the courage to say what you said .
> 
> I just text him some months back that we can have coffee to catch up.
> 
> He said sure but he didnt fix a date .
> 
> N i left it at that .


Sounds like you've got some stuff to work on to, eh? 

JUST DO IT! What's the worst that can happen, really?

(And yes, I need to take my won advice.)

I would just rather point blank ask a guy out than smile and try to flutter at him, ha ha!


----------



## Zulnex

TooNice said:


> As much as I had good moments with online dating, and I do think it was right for me at the time, I feel free. I deleted all of my accounts last week - OkC, Match, even Tinder. Match still has a month left on my account, but I'm glad to be free of it. I feel like I reached a point where OLD was almost an addiction. I've been home all night - filled four garbage bags with clothes and shoes to get rid of, went grocery shopping, and made a lovely dinner. My phone has been silent all night. No e-mails, no text messages. And I am more than ok with that. It's pretty liberating!


TooNice I got a question about these online dating sites. I hope you don't mind.
I was just wondering can a person really meet someone genuine and honest on these sites? I see the commercials sometimes but often wonder if they are true.
I never used online dating and I am just wondering about the whole process and good/bad things about it.
Thank you.


----------



## TooNice

Zulnex said:


> TooNice I got a question about these online dating sites. I hope you don't mind.
> I was just wondering can a person really meet someone genuine and honest on these sites? I see the commercials sometimes but often wonder if they are true.
> I never used online dating and I am just wondering about the whole process and good/bad things about it.
> Thank you.


Well, several lovely TAM members have been out there, so I think I would say yes! 

In all seriousness, I do really think online dating has its merits. For me personally, it was becoming unhealthy and I no longer have the right attitude to approach it in the positive way I prefer to handle life. So I am taking a break. For now. I may come back to it again, if I feel it's right. I think aside from some basic truths we can agree on, it's a pretty individual experience for each of us.


----------



## Zulnex

TooNice said:


> Well, several lovely TAM members have been out there, so I think I would say yes!
> 
> In all seriousness, I do really think online dating has its merits. For me personally, it was becoming unhealthy and I no longer have the right attitude to approach it in the positive way I prefer to handle life. So I am taking a break. For now. I may come back to it again, if I feel it's right. I think aside from some basic truths we can agree on, it's a pretty individual experience for each of us.


I see. Thank you very much for your reply.
I think I will give online dating a chance when I am ready.


----------



## TooNice

Oh... Just stumbled across this and absolutely love it. Had to share!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-path...ake-good-care-of-yourself/?platform=hootsuite


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> Oh... Just stumbled across this and absolutely love it. Had to share!
> 
> The Path to Peace: 10 Ways to Take Good Care of Yourself


That's good stuff TN, thank you!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Sounds like you've got some stuff to work on to, eh?
> 
> JUST DO IT! What's the worst that can happen, really?
> 
> (And yes, I need to take my won advice.)
> 
> I would just rather point blank ask a guy out than smile and try to flutter at him, ha ha!


Well, can't say I like ladies asking me out, I like to be the one on the prowl


----------



## tripad

Yeah

I prefer to be " prowl on " 

Grin


----------



## tripad

Oops text to wrong place


----------



## RandomDude

Just came back from the drive with my date, shame about the weather, but it was alright, nice to see the countryside every once in a while. Was going to improvise if it rained but it didn't thankfully, so we went for a horse ride. She was impressed, and admitted she wanted to see if I was all talk when I told her I could ride horses too on our previous date. She's was testing me -.- *sigh* wimmen! Should have brought my bow to show off what else I can do on horseback hehe (but the bow would definitely spook horses unfamiliar with me)

Anyway we had our first kiss, on horseback, was my first time trying such a thing, and hers as well. Was abit awkward though, didn't last long and we almost pulled each other off our horses lol - I don't recommend it! I thought I screwed up (first kisses aren't supposed to be this hard!) but we had another (much better) kiss on the way back. Glad the horses weren't spooked when we walked them alongside each other. Butt hurts though, it's been a while, muscles weaker on my backside as I haven't been riding much. I wanted to make it short and sweet after that, since I'm changing my game to slow and steady, so not going to spend the night (already spent all day!)

She's texting me alot now. Think I made an impression 
Third time lucky I guess hehe

Looks like we'll keep seeing each other... though still trying to getting used to her "giggity giggity" manner of speech however. Very girly, not womanly, but she's a sweet girl nonetheless.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Just came back from the drive with my date, shame about the weather, but it was alright, nice to see the countryside every once in a while. Was going to improvise if it rained but it didn't thankfully, so we went for a horse ride. She was impressed, and admitted she wanted to see if I was all talk when I told her I could ride horses too on our previous date. She's was testing me -.- *sigh* wimmen! Should have brought my bow to show off what else I can do on horseback hehe (but the bow would definitely spook horses unfamiliar with me)
> 
> Anyway we had our first kiss, on horseback, was my first time trying such a thing, and hers as well. Was abit awkward though, didn't last long and we almost pulled each other off our horses lol - I don't recommend it! I thought I screwed up (first kisses aren't supposed to be this hard!) but we had another (much better) kiss on the way back. Glad the horses weren't spooked when we walked them alongside each other. Butt hurts though, it's been a while, muscles weaker on my backside as I haven't been riding much. I wanted to make it short and sweet after that, since I'm changing my game to slow and steady, so not going to spend the night (already spent all day!)
> 
> She's texting me alot now. Think I made an impression
> Third time lucky I guess hehe
> 
> Looks like we'll keep seeing each other... though still trying to getting used to her "giggity giggity" manner of speech however. Very girly, not womanly, but she's a sweet girl nonetheless.


And just think... you weren't even going to entertain the idea of going out with her at all, at the beginning--you were ready to write her off. You said she was a bimbo. You were going to cancel, and then after the first date, you said the second would be a waste of time because there wasn't any chemistry... blah blah blah. And now, look! Aren't you glad you gave her a chance? 

:grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well, can't say I like ladies asking me out, I like to be the one on the prowl


I have never been good at being the prey. Perhaps because I don't know how to flutter?


----------



## RandomDude

Cats don't pounce until they see the opportunity 
So you have to "flutter", maybe not literally, but at least show some interest physically via body language! Eye contact FIP - start with that 

As for my date, yeah well, her mannerism does get annoying sometimes, I try to engage her in deeper topics that brings out the woman in her. In that way I question our compatibility. Also hate to admit it but she lacks a certain "class" I tend to look for, but meh its minor...

Looking back now on the date, I could have been friend-zoned easily if I didn't make the move, especially after the 2 previous crappy dates. Turned out to be one of my more... romantic dates since separation. But that is 1 out of 3...

Just hope I didn't start anything I can't finish too - I was content as a celibate man not too long ago, lifestyle is changing very fast and although I can adapt if I want to - not so sure if I really want to. She's a great girl but FFS I'm just horny! I just hope it's not my lust driving this little romance. I remain... very guarded emotionally, the kiss seems to have done more for her than for me. Yay... for her.

If it's just sex, yay, whatever... but she's after something else, and I don't warm up so quickly - ex-GF was my FWB for quite a while before I even started having feelings for her - and those feelings were more of a fondness and friendship. Right now I'm in a "fake it till you make it mode", having 2 fked up dates has forced me to play a dangerous card, now I'm in a position where I can very potentially end up breaking her heart.

Ah fk it... maybe I should just give it time, be patient, she hasn't done anything wrong so far right? Besides, patience has paid off so far so ack... patience yes? >.<

EDIT: Stupid phone!

EDIT2: WTF 10K posts! And my 10K post is right after my date... must be a sign! Maybe a BAD sign! =O


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> He asked twice . I didnt say no . I didnt say yes . I just said " oh , how do you play that game " and " can you play that game well ? " n his invite was re directed .
> 
> He looked puzzled after that .
> 
> Later , i didnt just show my interest n wait for him to ask . I was fair n i asked him for coffee . Of which he said " sure when i am back in town" but he didnt ask when he's back . So i take that as not keen . He travels a lot .
> 
> I am sure he knows i was not flirting . I was in pretty bad shape , depressed n crying a lot . I cried to him for 2 hours once , the very first time he asked me out upon knowing abt my divorce . After that i decided not to do thst anymore .
> 
> Should i ask again ?? ( horrified look on face ) ???
> 
> Yes it is several months after separation but i was afraid i am accused of adultery n lose custody . Divorce was nasty . Not sure about legalities . Anyhow i was depressed n sad n angry n bitter then , not the best time to be anyone's gf n grumble n complain the whole time . It probably wont last even if it had started , i figure his ears will be burnt out .


He asked twice, was turned away twice and then you asked him for coffee. Are you sure he didn't just take that as being friendzoned? I assume you didn't ask him while in a teddy or something, so maybe he's just assuming you aren't to interested romantically.

Go ask, or move on to the next guy, but it seems obvious he isn't going to put his neck out again until you do.


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> He asked twice, was turned away twice and then you asked him for coffee. Are you sure he didn't just take that as being friendzoned? I assume you didn't ask him while in a teddy or something, so maybe he's just assuming you aren't to interested romantically.
> 
> Go ask, or move on to the next guy, but it seems obvious he isn't going to put his neck out again until you do.


It is a possibility that he thought that he is friend zoned . maybe that is why he is acting all cool and slightly cold towards me .

I had thought that he had a gf and I had thought to myself that "hey cmon even if you have a gf , there's no need to be that cool and cold . i am just a friend ."

Now , the ask . I did text for coffee to catch up in a very friend sort of way . Not sexy or in my teddy .:surprise:

What do I do now ?

text again ? Call ?

What do I say ?

Do you still want that coffee ? or tea ? or me ?

or can i buy you the coffee to thank you for the advice and encouragement this past months ?

Sigh .

It is easier to be 18 or 28 .


----------



## tripad

hey TAMers ,

A question . I just asked a gf of mine , one pretty close , to help order a coffee machine $250 online as they don't accept AMEX and I didnt have visa . Was going to apply one in my own name after the divorce but had not got down to that as I was busy .

My gf didnt want to do it for me . I told her it is ok but inside me , I felt offended . Firstly , when her husband died from cancer , I helped her do a job and I waived my fee of $900 and I absorb the cost . I bought her health products from her to support her business and was thinking of getting her water machine that would cost me $5K . She wont helped me with $250 online purchase and I said I will drive over and pay her cash on Monday . 

Is it reasonable or is it time I drop her off as a friend ?

rather sad actually .


----------



## vi_bride04

What was her reasoning?


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> What was her reasoning?


i guess you are refering to me , tripad 

she gave no reason . just cant do it for me .

i didnt ask further and i see no need to .

N in case you wonder , I dont owe her any money .


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I wouldn't drop her as a friend, but I sure as hell wouldn't help her out any more.


----------



## tripad

sad to know my friendship is not worth $250 .

sad to think that people do anything for money . It reminds me that my ex "sacrifices' the family over money .

she did spend time listening to me during my divorce . Now i wonder if she listens because she wanted me to buy her products .


----------



## TheGoodGuy

tripad said:


> sad to know my friendship is not worth $250 .
> 
> sad to think that people do anything for money . It reminds me that my ex "sacrifices' the family over money .
> 
> she did spend time listening to me during my divorce . Now i wonder if she listens because she wanted me to buy her products .


Does she have a spouse and maybe they're just really tight budget-wise right now? It's possible they just made an agreement, or if she's single a pact with herself, to "tighten the belt" and not take on extra expenses at the moment?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> It is a possibility that he thought that he is friend zoned . maybe that is why he is acting all cool and slightly cold towards me .
> 
> I had thought that he had a gf and I had thought to myself that "hey cmon even if you have a gf , there's no need to be that cool and cold . i am just a friend ."
> 
> Now , the ask . I did text for coffee to catch up in a very friend sort of way . Not sexy or in my teddy .:surprise:
> 
> What do I do now ?
> 
> text again ? Call ?
> 
> What do I say ?
> 
> Do you still want that coffee ? or tea ? or me ?
> 
> or can i buy you the coffee to thank you for the advice and encouragement this past months ?
> 
> Sigh .
> 
> It is easier to be 18 or 28 .


When did you text?

Go over the next time you see him next door and ask him to go for a coffee at a specific time (next Saturday at 3 for example). Don't be vague, be a tad aggressive. If he doesn't seem interested then he's not. It's also possible he has found someone else by now.



tripad said:


> hey TAMers ,
> 
> A question . I just asked a gf of mine , one pretty close , to help order a coffee machine $250 online as they don't accept AMEX and I didnt have visa . Was going to apply one in my own name after the divorce but had not got down to that as I was busy .
> 
> My gf didnt want to do it for me . I told her it is ok but inside me , I felt offended . Firstly , when her husband died from cancer , I helped her do a job and I waived my fee of $900 and I absorb the cost . I bought her health products from her to support her business and was thinking of getting her water machine that would cost me $5K . She wont helped me with $250 online purchase and I said I will drive over and pay her cash on Monday .
> 
> Is it reasonable or is it time I drop her off as a friend ?
> 
> rather sad actually .





tripad said:


> i guess you are refering to me , tripad
> 
> she gave no reason . just cant do it for me .
> 
> i didnt ask further and i see no need to .
> 
> N in case you wonder , I dont owe her any money .


Did she actually say she can't do it, or doesn't want to do it? 

I wonder if you are reading to much into things. If she said she can't, maybe she literally can't. Maybe she's maxed out her card.


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> sad to know my friendship is not worth $250 .
> 
> sad to think that people do anything for money . It reminds me that my ex "sacrifices' the family over money .



Could be that, or she already has a maxed card and doesn't want to be embarrassed by the declined charge. 

Do you feel like she is a user? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

TheGoodGuy said:


> Does she have a spouse and maybe they're just really tight budget-wise right now? It's possible they just made an agreement, or if she's single a pact with herself, to "tighten the belt" and not take on extra expenses at the moment?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her husband died years back . She may be tight but I was going to pay on Monday .


----------



## RandomDude

3Xnocharm said:


> I wouldn't drop her as a friend, but I sure as hell wouldn't help her out any more.


Agreed, a balanced response


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> When did you text?
> 
> Go over the next time you see him next door and ask him to go for a coffee at a specific time (next Saturday at 3 for example). Don't be vague, be a tad aggressive. If he doesn't seem interested then he's not. It's also possible he has found someone else by now.
> 
> 
> I will do the invite but we dont run into each other very often as we are both busy single parents with our own business and our irregular hours .
> 
> He could have someone by one , a possibility . Real pity for me . He is the only one I would consider at all as a partner .
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Did she actually say she can't do it, or doesn't want to do it?
> 
> I wonder if you are reading to much into things. If she said she can't, maybe she literally can't. Maybe she's maxed out her card.


She said she cant but she meant she has a card but she doesnt .

She didnt max out . She is not making much , I know , but she is sufficient and prudent and does have enough .


----------



## tripad

Acoa said:


> Could be that, or she already has a maxed card and doesn't want to be embarrassed by the declined charge.
> 
> Do you feel like she is a user?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


She is not a user . But she does ask me repeatedly to but her machine , especially when I share some good news about my job deals . She tries too hard , without style . She is like that , without style .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Agreed, a balanced response


yup 

wont help her anymore


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> She said she cant but she meant she has a card but she doesnt .
> 
> She didnt max out . She is not making much , I know , but she is sufficient and prudent and does have enough .


She said she can't but I know that....

She didn't max it out. She is not making much but I think that...

You're implying facts to someone else's finances. You have no idea what goes on in someone else's financial situation unless you have access to her bank account, which I'd assume you don't.


----------



## RandomDude

When my mates ask for help they ask for a LOAN, and I don't charge interest. Don't pay me back and even though I can absorb the cost the trust is gone and very hard to gain back.

Quite frankly I reckon you're too nice, you give too much and spoil your friends. Even with my daughter I make sure whatever she has she has to earn it, if she's causing problems with me and her mum then I would withdraw her privileges and forfeit my promises to her which are conditional. Human beings have a tendency to take things for granted, it's a vice that should not be encouraged.

Also, don't boast too much in regards to your success, it makes you a target for leeching. They think "oh hey, she can afford it". Keep a lower profile.


----------



## tripad

Rd

I wasnt boasting . I shared with her when i was in deep **** when ex cheated n i shared my good news because she's my friend 

I am strict with my kids too n they have to earn their toys . I didnt think i was too nice . Her husband died and i can do without the $900 . I thought that was just humanity .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> She said she can't but I know that....
> 
> She didn't max it out. She is not making much but I think that...
> 
> You're implying facts to someone else's finances. You have no idea what goes on in someone else's financial situation unless you have access to her bank account, which I'd assume you don't.


Maybe . Some facts she told me . Some are my guesses .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kingsfan

Then stick to what you know.


----------



## tripad

Ladies n guys

I don't run into mr neighbor

How about this text 

" hi shall we have that coffee/tea we mentioned months ago ? How about next week ? You have been great supporting n advising me in past months . So , coffee/tea ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kingsfan

To me sounds like you are looking for more advice/support. That's not what you are after. How about:

I'm still up for that coffee if you are. You have time on Saturday afternoon? Would be nice to see you.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

kingsfan said:


> To me sounds like you are looking for more advice/support. That's not what you are after. How about:
> 
> I'm still up for that coffee if you are. You have time on Saturday afternoon? Would be nice to see you.


Nicely done. Tripad use this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

What if he has found someone already ?

Shall i include if you have a gf bring her along ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

The shorter and more succint, the better, Tripad. If you add that, I think you once again minimize that you are interested in him. I don't think he believes you are right now, so you need to get that across a little. If he has someone or is no longer interested, hopefully he will simply let you know. Or if he is interested and available, he'll schedule that coffee!


----------



## tripad

Hi friends 

I did the text , as per worded . I am glad i did . 


He texted his crazy business travel schedule n said he had been busy . N probably will be free after the last destination . No date set . 

Lets see if he does fix a date . I wont ask anymore as i think i make clear i am interested in meeting him now . 

However i noticed a difference in the way he texted me . 

Long ago he tends to text me asking about my life n divorce , how i am coping , complimenting me one way or another n always addressing by my name .

When i didn't accept his invites , i felt he went cool n didnt text addressing my name n not asking about me anymore . 

Today i text him as per advised . Though no dates are fixed , i notice he addresses me my name . N asking about me state n compliments my coping skills . Basically to me it is more intimate talks . 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad

So he has not found someone yet . great .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan

tripad said:


> What if he has found someone already ?
> 
> Shall i include if you have a gf bring her along ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_












I see things worked out for you with the text, but for future references, hell no to the above.

You were texting him because you were interested in him. Stick to that, don't ask him to bring along his GF if he had one. I can't fathom how awkward that coffee date would have been for everyone.


----------



## kingsfan

Btw, did you respond to his text? If not, text him back and tell him that you'll leave with him to suggest a time/date because of his schedule. Make it clear the ball is in in his court now.


----------



## FeministInPink

@kingsfan, the king of good advice 

I just want to second everything that kingsfan had said thus far, all his advice has been spot on. 

Don't bring up the possibility of him seeing somebody else. If he IS seeing someone else, and therefore has a reason not to see you, he will make it known no later than the conclusion of your coffee date. And it's his responsibility to do that--it's not your job to ferret it out. And generally, if a guy is seeing someone, and he's serious about her, he'll mention it. Not as a way to let YOU know, but simply because she's a part of his life, so she comes up in conversation, the same way you might mention your kids off-hand.


----------



## RandomDude

Kinda curious why you keep bringing him up too Tripad, its like you really have a crush on him 

And guys... as for my date, after getting some perspectives on it via the ladies lounge, I'm going to drop the bombs on 4th date, tell her exactly where she stands, and chances are it would be the beginning of the end. Looks like its back to celibacy.

Hell this whole thing started off with just horniness, a flutter, and curiouscity to see if I still got it. Back to celibacy!


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> Btw, did you respond to his text? If not, text him back and tell him that you'll leave with him to suggest a time/date because of his schedule. Make it clear the ball is in in his court now.


There were a couple of text back and forth , "how have you been ", "i am doing great .... ", "good to hear ......".

Then I mentioned my free days and he mentioned that works for him as well after his last destination he should be free . I just ended with "let's meet when you are back ". 

I guess that means the ball is in court ?


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> There were a couple of text back and forth , "how have you been ", "i am doing great .... ", "good to hear ......".
> 
> Then I mentioned my free days and he mentioned that works for him as well after his last destination he should be free . I just ended with "let's meet when you are back ".
> 
> I guess that means the ball is in court ?


I would have explicitly stated that you expect him to let you know when is good. Put the complete onus to make the next contact on him.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Kinda curious why you keep bringing him up too Tripad, its like you really have a crush on him
> 
> And guys... as for my date, after getting some perspectives on it via the ladies lounge, I'm going to drop the bombs on 4th date, tell her exactly where she stands, and chances are it would be the beginning of the end. Looks like its back to celibacy.
> 
> Hell this whole thing started off with just horniness, a flutter, and curiouscity to see if I still got it. Back to celibacy!



Not a crush . But I am interested in him . Firstly , he had been my neighbour and I had known him to be a good man and dad . So he clear he first round of "selection process" . Next , his physical aspects clear the "second round ". You know , some guys may be a nice man but I cant imagine him kissing me .

He had appeared at the right time to comfort and encourage me without trying to get me into bed . I guess there is a certain emotional attachment there . Knowing my ex did what he did , and that he cheated me and doesn't support the children even , he was visibly pissed and told me I can go to him if I need any help at all . "level 3 " and "empathy and humanity test" passed . but I didnt get any financial help from him , I managed to work my azz off and turn things around . 

If I meet a man whether online or offline , I wont tell what had happened to me and somehow , there wont be an attachment and connection . And trust would be an issue .

Sometimes , i wonder if he had planted himself there when I was going through my divorce .........

Now it is hard to compare another man to him as he would be one up always ...........


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> I would have explicitly stated that you expect him to let you know when is good. Put the complete onus to make the next contact on him.



The flow of conversation had stopped and I would seem too desperate to text that back now .


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> The flow of conversation had stopped and I would seem too desperate to text that back now .


Again, stop reading so much into things.

Simply text him back and say "Since your schedule is busier than mine let me know when you're free and we'll find a time that works. Have a good night."

In no way is that desperate.


----------



## tripad

I had said good night , last night . It is mid noon here now .:frown2:


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> I had said good night , last night . It is mid noon here now .:frown2:


We need a facepalm icon...

Then say 'have a good day' at the end.


----------



## tripad

Lol

Paranoia n brain freeze here .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

Ok, so this is long. Background, met her on match last april, pretty hot and heavy through mid july, she pulled back, then saw each other pretty sporadically since then and not at all since about thanksgiving. We have kids in the same school so do see each other through that, and I was w/ my son at Barnes and Noble saturday and she was having a meeting in the starbucks there and came over to chat for a minute. Sure enough she texts me saturday night. was kind of beating around the bush so i just said, do you want to come over? 

Below is an email i sent to a friend and if anyone wants to comment or give insight-- or just ignore, thats fine too. 

Other issue is I met another girl i am interested in but have only had a chance to hang out 3 times, all short and nothing physical other than kissing, and the new one seems to like me but seems to be very cautious about it. Didnt hear from her all weekend. She now waits for me to contact/text first.

Saturday night w/ FWB:


she came over, we kissed quickly right when she got here and then we talked for about 90 minutes or so. then we had sex. which was awesome. RIGHT AFTER she was still on top of me (tmi) and she said, come see Hillary with me tomorrow. I was like, wha...? took me five minutes to figure out she was talking about Hilary Clinton. 

Then we finished the wine and opened another bottle and talked some more. told her i am working out at the work gym. she basically begged me to come with her to planet fitness ( i think). she went on and on about how she really needs someone to work out with and how great it is....etc, etc. 

Now this is weird because now she is asking me to spend time with her (other than just a booty call) and it has been probably 6-7 months since she has done that. So i am kinda wondering what is going on but dont question her on it.

So then we have sex again. afterwards she started asking me about my trip last year to florida. where i went, what time of year. i said yeah i went to florida in may and you took me to the airport. Finally she got around to this-- will you go there with me in march? she went on and on about how i would be a fun person to go with because we would both be happy just relaxing and reading on the beach (she reads a ton) and wouldnt HAVE to be constantly entertaining each other and blah blah blah. it was really nice to hear but so out of the blue. 

I just looked at her and was like, so whats been going on? shes like, yeah, i know im being dumb for saying it. i said, no it is not dumb, you and i WOULD have fun together but i havent seen you in i dont know how long and then this? i was really nice about it, just questioning out of curiosity.

She said, well, i have been dating but there just isnt anyone whose conversation i like as much as ours. (she was having a hard time putting this into words at this point). She said she dated some guy for 7 weeks. Said she thought he was cool and fun at first but after 7-8 dates she said she told him it wasnt going anywhere and ended it, and he 'turned into a crazy person'. He quit his job and said he was going to move to arizona. 'imagine the worst', said he wont stop contacting her and now she is nervous that he knows where she lives. said 'i could show you the texts'--totally should have taken her up on that. 

Then, we went inside. it was like 2 am. we cuddled on the couch for awhile and then D7 woke up and was upset that i was not in my bedroom so not long after i told her i had to go lie down with D7. she asked if it was ok if she stayed on the couch for a bit and i said sure. she didnt have any pants on from about 10 pm. she called me at 830am and said she JUST left my house and the only reason she woke up was because D7 was up here yelling at S4 to stay our of her room. she is up at 515am most days so could not believe she woke up at 830 in bright daylight on my couch with no pants on. (or panties btw). 


so that happened.


----------



## ne9907

I got on ******* last Friday, yesterday I had a strange experience. This post is rather long as I will type most messages.
I was painting yesterday afternoon and receive a message from a man whose profile read he is from Chicago Illinois, I am on the west coast. This man is my type.

He started with "hello pretty! How are you doing. Ill really like to know more about you if you don't mind.
I responded with Thank you, what brings your virtual persona to the California Coast.

him: Well, it is all about trust, patience and understanding. So what do you seek here.

me: Well, Mr. trust, patience, and understanding, stop looking at my profile because you seem like a person who would love to cat fish me. Have a wonderful life.
I said that because he is obviously in Chicago Ill, I do not how this man was able to connect to the CA coast... I thought OKC was a geographically based dating site.

him: What do you mean?
Me: This is something my ex husband would do.
Him: Well, you shouldn't use your past to curse your present. People are different anyway. Also life goes on. (this brought my defenses down)
Me: What do you seek here.
Him: I seek a serious relationship. I guess you too right?
Me: Yes, that is what I am seeking. You never answered my question, why are you looking at the California Coast if you are from Chicago.
Him: Well, Ive been to California before also you seem really fascinating and from your picture it shows there is something really special about you and I intend to find out.
Me: Find away then. What part of California?
Him: You should really give me a chance, Los Angeles. How far is that from your place.
Me: I did say find away. I am actually 6 hours N of LA (not true), what do you do?
Him: Right now. I got a little business I am handling and you are really special  now it is difficult. Then I would have to multitask haha. I talked about patience. Besides, I'd be there seeking my princess Cinderealla. Trust me. So who do you live with.

At this point, I am intrigued but I also think he is my ex husband trying to be mean and stuff, but I play along, in the meantime. I am researching his username in FB and stuff.

me: I am not a princes. I live with my dog. Are you military?
him: Haha, you are a princess to whoever knows your worth. You are very beautiful dear. Nope, not military why do you ask?

me: Thank you, your second photo appears to show camo pants. 

him: haha, nope. I have friends in the military. I have lots to say when I meet the woman of my own. I am a man of good faith and I belive that is whats gonna help me. I would really love to get closer to you.

me: Very well, I require that you prove you are real.

him: seriously? Lets be realistic I should be asking you instead. You are too beautiful on this site. Seems really fishy. What about the guys around you. I wonder what such beautiful lady wants on a dating site.

me: I am here because I am moody as hell and very demanding. Why do you need a dating site? You are good looking as well. 

At this point, I had found a FB profile which was similar to his username and very look alike photos. I checked all the photos and bingo!! Found the two photos he used on OKC. Not only that, but I also found out that he is married, in the Army, is an E4, and has at least two beautiful children. His wife is also very beautiful.

me: Oh, guess what I found?? You.
me: FYI 1) If you are trying to be a fvck boy, don't pick an username so close to your real name.
2) Do not be married.
3) Have more rank than a lowly E4 specialist.
4) Change your FB settings so it would be a challenge to find you.

I wonder what your wife will say if I send her the conversation we just had, in which her husband is trying to be a fvck boy and failing miserably??

He never replied after that.

Now, the reasons why I feel that was a fake profile my ex husband was using to cat fish me are:

1. Location Chicago.
2. He is sooo my type (ex knows my type)
3. He was overly charming, unreal.
4. Wanting to find out where I live and who I live with.
5. The Cinderella reference, my ex is one of only two people (well now you too) who knows I identified with Cinderella while growing up.

Maybe I am over thinking, Just be careful out there singles. This one is definitely another crazy OLD story


----------



## tripad

Yup he sounds like one of those sweet talkers whom I don't like . calling pretty n sweetie . they probably call out a few dozen sweeties n pretties .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

You need to stop engaging in those situations. Regardless of what people say (complain) about OLD, it IS ok to ignore/delete/block. Several of those initial statments are so over the top I would have thought SPAM immediately (yes there are a lot of 'fake' profiles and those 'women' will engage you as long as they can, and they all include those vague platitudes).


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne, the man is an idiot. You really found him charming?? Block him.


----------



## TooNice

I have to agree...I never would have engaged him that much. A person looking for a serious relationship is not looking across the country because they sometimes go there. The wording is off and vague, and not too fluffy. I have received similar messages, also from men who appear to be just what I'm looking for. But something about those encounters always makes my hair stand on end a little. 

Ick.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> ne, the man is an idiot. You really found him charming?? Block him.


No no, I did not find him charming. I thought my ex husband was behind it. Ex has emailed me three times and left voice messages recently. 
I suspected he was a fake, just want to make sure so I can report him.


----------



## RandomDude

Getting frustrated in my thoughts and all the self-reflecting crap and complications that comes with lovey doveys and mating and whatever the hell BS it fking involves.

I shouldn't have called this woman in the first place, heck I shouldn't even have approached her in the first place, should have just played dumb and avoided eye contact like I did with other women before her. The FK was wrong with me? Now I started something I simply shouldn't have (again), meh... brain #1 back in full control, brain #2 has done enough damage to disturb the peace in my life.

And this time, if she still persists in calling me after date #4 I'm going to tell her straight out to piss off (nicely)
I'm having enough of this stupid little venture back into dating, in the end the truth remains I'm simply so much happier without any of this crap to deal with while I still have much more important responsibilities to focus my attention on

FK IT

/end vent


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Getting frustrated in my thoughts and all the self-reflecting crap and complications that comes with lovey doveys and mating and whatever the hell BS it fking involves.
> 
> I shouldn't have called this woman in the first place, heck I shouldn't even have approached her in the first place, should have just played dumb and avoided eye contact like I did with other women before her. The FK was wrong with me? Now I started something I simply shouldn't have (again), meh... brain #1 back in full control, brain #2 has done enough damage to disturb the peace in my life.
> 
> And this time, if she still persists in calling me after date #4 I'm going to tell her straight out to piss off (nicely)
> I'm having enough of this stupid little venture back into dating, in the end the truth remains I'm simply so much happier without any of this crap to deal with while I still have much more important responsibilities to focus my attention on
> 
> FK IT
> 
> /end vent



Seriously RD, if all you want is a quick and easy fvck, why don't you just hire prostitutes? Regular women don't deserve being strung along.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Getting frustrated in my thoughts and all the self-reflecting crap and complications that comes with lovey doveys and mating and whatever the hell BS it fking involves.
> 
> I shouldn't have called this woman in the first place, heck I shouldn't even have approached her in the first place, should have just played dumb and avoided eye contact like I did with other women before her. The FK was wrong with me? Now I started something I simply shouldn't have (again), meh... brain #1 back in full control, brain #2 has done enough damage to disturb the peace in my life.
> 
> And this time, if she still persists in calling me after date #4 I'm going to tell her straight out to piss off (nicely)
> I'm having enough of this stupid little venture back into dating, in the end the truth remains I'm simply so much happier without any of this crap to deal with while I still have much more important responsibilities to focus my attention on
> 
> FK IT
> 
> /end vent


Stop being afraid. Just go with it, explain to her your reservations, be honest, and let her decide. Do not make a decision for her.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Getting frustrated in my thoughts and all the self-reflecting crap and complications that comes with lovey doveys and mating and whatever the hell BS it fking involves.
> 
> I shouldn't have called this woman in the first place, heck I shouldn't even have approached her in the first place, should have just played dumb and avoided eye contact like I did with other women before her. The FK was wrong with me? Now I started something I simply shouldn't have (again), meh... brain #1 back in full control, brain #2 has done enough damage to disturb the peace in my life.
> 
> And this time, if she still persists in calling me after date #4 I'm going to tell her straight out to piss off (nicely)
> I'm having enough of this stupid little venture back into dating, in the end the truth remains I'm simply so much happier without any of this crap to deal with while I still have much more important responsibilities to focus my attention on
> 
> FK IT
> 
> /end vent


RD

I have to say this much as I like you . It is not fair to the lady . If you need to shake her off now , at least be kind to her . She deserves some kindness .

You have evaluate what you want and stick to it instead of hurting an innocent woman . Or get another player to play with , at least you both would be on the same page .

It seems your emotional unavailability may be an issue . Do you really want to old and alone ?


----------



## RandomDude

I am never alone, at home I have my daughter, my cat, at work I have a solid team who are all mates, I don't need a woman in my life. I've adapted to single life just as I adapted to the streets when I was a kid, legit life once I hit adulthood, and married life when I met ex-wife. In the end I let my penis make decisions for one day and this sh-t happens. I slipped, but this is now serving as a reminder to strengthen my resolve in stay celibate for the rest of my life. I was happy for a year without dramas, I'm not happy now, but I will be once I wash my hands clean of my current date and I'm back to normal.

I hate the fact that this woman ended up showing more potential than all the women I dated since separation, this is going to make it harder, but chances are she'll be the one with the hammer on the nail after I let her know the score so I can save myself the regret of letting her go. If she doesn't than she's a fool and her proving that will only convince me that she's just too young and naive for me and give me enough motivation to hammer in the nail myself.

As for prostitutes, sure they need a living too but for me? I NEVER pay for sex, ever, and I NEVER needed to. I'm also no longer interested in FWBs after ex-GF/FWB, and I don't like to sleep around too much either - so no ONS for me - so I'm done with all aspects of human mating. What I want is serenity that can only come from celibacy, just wish I can kill off the hormonal desires that contradict with my more logical mindset, but this little encounter will at least serve to shut him the FK up for perhaps another year or two. After a few more years of celibacy I should be hardened and rusted enough to stay away from women for good.


----------



## FeministInPink

RD, if she shows more potential than any woman you've dated since the divorce, WTF are you doing?!? WHY are you so determined NOT to date her? YOU LIKE HER.

I really don't understand why you think this whole thing has been such a disaster. And why you think that cutting yourself off from any possibility of finding another female partner, ever, is such a great idea.

Has it ever occurred to you that she is not young and naive? That maybe she has a clear idea of what she wants? You've been wrong about her before. You thought she was a bimbo, and she turned out to be very intelligent. Maybe she LIKES that you have a kid. Maybe that's a selling point for her. What else about her says to you that she's naive? Yes, she wants a relationship, and she wants to wait for a relationship before she has sex. That doesn't make her naive. It means she knows what she wants. And if you're so convinced that celibacy is the way to go, then maybe you're better off not betting to fvck her right away. Did THAT ever occur to you?

You know what I think? I think you're scared. I think you're fvcking terrified, because this woman might actually be right for you, and that you might actually _fall in love_ with someone again, that you might actually have to open up and _connect emotionally_ with another person, that you might have to actually _be vulnerable with someone_ again, all of that scares the living sh!t out of you, and you would rather run away from it than take that risk. You would rather "drop a bomb" on her and try to scare her away, than risk trying for something real. You would rather end it and return to your safe life of celibacy, than taking a chance on finding love again.

RD, this makes me so sad for you. There's so much life that you're not allowing yourself to live. Why do you do that to yourself? You're not washed up and you're not done at 30.


----------



## vi_bride04

RD is too immature for a mature women


----------



## TooNice

I haven't had time to respond until now, but as usual, FIP hit the nail on the head (and much more thoroughly than I could have). 

My initial reaction was to ask you what you are afraid of. So she likes you. You like her. We are humans. This attraction is a good thing. Are you honestly going to chase her away? For no good reason? 

Life really is too short to miss opportunities. Even if you give her a shot and it doesn't last, every relationship we have has meaning, value and lessons in store for us. Don't shove that aside because you are afraid of "what ifs".


----------



## RandomDude

I'm NOT ready, that's what it just comes down to, I can't give her what she wants. I was going to give her a shot but in the end I'm just leading her on.


----------



## kingsfan

MRR said:


> Ok, so this is long. Background, met her on match last april, pretty hot and heavy through mid july, she pulled back, then saw each other pretty sporadically since then and not at all since about thanksgiving. We have kids in the same school so do see each other through that, and I was w/ my son at Barnes and Noble saturday and she was having a meeting in the starbucks there and came over to chat for a minute. Sure enough she texts me saturday night. was kind of beating around the bush so i just said, do you want to come over?
> 
> Below is an email i sent to a friend and if anyone wants to comment or give insight-- or just ignore, thats fine too.
> 
> Other issue is I met another girl i am interested in but have only had a chance to hang out 3 times, all short and nothing physical other than kissing, and the new one seems to like me but seems to be very cautious about it. Didnt hear from her all weekend. She now waits for me to contact/text first.
> 
> Saturday night w/ FWB:
> 
> 
> she came over, we kissed quickly right when she got here and then we talked for about 90 minutes or so. then we had sex. which was awesome. RIGHT AFTER she was still on top of me (tmi) and she said, come see Hillary with me tomorrow. I was like, wha...? took me five minutes to figure out she was talking about Hilary Clinton.
> 
> Then we finished the wine and opened another bottle and talked some more. told her i am working out at the work gym. she basically begged me to come with her to planet fitness ( i think). she went on and on about how she really needs someone to work out with and how great it is....etc, etc.
> 
> Now this is weird because now she is asking me to spend time with her (other than just a booty call) and it has been probably 6-7 months since she has done that. So i am kinda wondering what is going on but dont question her on it.
> 
> So then we have sex again. afterwards she started asking me about my trip last year to florida. where i went, what time of year. i said yeah i went to florida in may and you took me to the airport. Finally she got around to this-- will you go there with me in march? she went on and on about how i would be a fun person to go with because we would both be happy just relaxing and reading on the beach (she reads a ton) and wouldnt HAVE to be constantly entertaining each other and blah blah blah. it was really nice to hear but so out of the blue.
> 
> I just looked at her and was like, so whats been going on? shes like, yeah, i know im being dumb for saying it. i said, no it is not dumb, you and i WOULD have fun together but i havent seen you in i dont know how long and then this? i was really nice about it, just questioning out of curiosity.
> 
> She said, well, i have been dating but there just isnt anyone whose conversation i like as much as ours. (she was having a hard time putting this into words at this point). She said she dated some guy for 7 weeks. Said she thought he was cool and fun at first but after 7-8 dates she said she told him it wasnt going anywhere and ended it, and he 'turned into a crazy person'. He quit his job and said he was going to move to arizona. 'imagine the worst', said he wont stop contacting her and now she is nervous that he knows where she lives. said 'i could show you the texts'--totally should have taken her up on that.
> 
> Then, we went inside. it was like 2 am. we cuddled on the couch for awhile and then D7 woke up and was upset that i was not in my bedroom so not long after i told her i had to go lie down with D7. she asked if it was ok if she stayed on the couch for a bit and i said sure. she didnt have any pants on from about 10 pm. she called me at 830am and said she JUST left my house and the only reason she woke up was because D7 was up here yelling at S4 to stay our of her room. she is up at 515am most days so could not believe she woke up at 830 in bright daylight on my couch with no pants on. (or panties btw).
> 
> 
> so that happened.


Anyone that has nothing to do with you for months and then in one night:

-comes to your place
- has sex with you (twice)
-invites you to go to Florida with her
-invites you to join her gym
- mentions she has a stalker

well, she likely wants something pretty bad.

I wonder if she wants a boyfriend just to be able to scare off this stalker, or maybe views you are some protection? You did mention going to the gym, are you well built?

Lots of red flags to me, no matter how good the night was.

And wtf are you thinking allowing a woman -naked or not- spend the night on your couch knowing your kids will be up at some weird hour and potentially find her? Your kids shouldn't be waking up to some random woman in their house. 



ne9907 said:


> I got on ******* last Friday, yesterday I had a strange experience. This post is rather long as I will type most messages.
> I was painting yesterday afternoon and receive a message from a man whose profile read he is from Chicago Illinois, I am on the west coast. This man is my type.
> 
> He started with "hello pretty! How are you doing. Ill really like to know more about you if you don't mind.
> I responded with Thank you, what brings your virtual persona to the California Coast.
> 
> him: Well, it is all about trust, patience and understanding. So what do you seek here.
> 
> me: Well, Mr. trust, patience, and understanding, stop looking at my profile because you seem like a person who would love to cat fish me. Have a wonderful life.
> I said that because he is obviously in Chicago Ill, I do not how this man was able to connect to the CA coast... I thought OKC was a geographically based dating site.
> 
> him: What do you mean?
> Me: This is something my ex husband would do.
> Him: Well, you shouldn't use your past to curse your present. People are different anyway. Also life goes on. (this brought my defenses down)
> Me: What do you seek here.
> Him: I seek a serious relationship. I guess you too right?
> Me: Yes, that is what I am seeking. You never answered my question, why are you looking at the California Coast if you are from Chicago.
> Him: Well, Ive been to California before also you seem really fascinating and from your picture it shows there is something really special about you and I intend to find out.
> Me: Find away then. What part of California?
> Him: You should really give me a chance, Los Angeles. How far is that from your place.
> Me: I did say find away. I am actually 6 hours N of LA (not true), what do you do?
> Him: Right now. I got a little business I am handling and you are really special  now it is difficult. Then I would have to multitask haha. I talked about patience. Besides, I'd be there seeking my princess Cinderealla. Trust me. So who do you live with.
> 
> At this point, I am intrigued but I also think he is my ex husband trying to be mean and stuff, but I play along, in the meantime. I am researching his username in FB and stuff.
> 
> me: I am not a princes. I live with my dog. Are you military?
> him: Haha, you are a princess to whoever knows your worth. You are very beautiful dear. Nope, not military why do you ask?
> 
> me: Thank you, your second photo appears to show camo pants.
> 
> him: haha, nope. I have friends in the military. I have lots to say when I meet the woman of my own. I am a man of good faith and I belive that is whats gonna help me. I would really love to get closer to you.
> 
> me: Very well, I require that you prove you are real.
> 
> him: seriously? Lets be realistic I should be asking you instead. You are too beautiful on this site. Seems really fishy. What about the guys around you. I wonder what such beautiful lady wants on a dating site.
> 
> me: I am here because I am moody as hell and very demanding. Why do you need a dating site? You are good looking as well.
> 
> At this point, I had found a FB profile which was similar to his username and very look alike photos. I checked all the photos and bingo!! Found the two photos he used on OKC. Not only that, but I also found out that he is married, in the Army, is an E4, and has at least two beautiful children. His wife is also very beautiful.
> 
> me: Oh, guess what I found?? You.
> me: FYI 1) If you are trying to be a fvck boy, don't pick an username so close to your real name.
> 2) Do not be married.
> 3) Have more rank than a lowly E4 specialist.
> 4) Change your FB settings so it would be a challenge to find you.
> 
> I wonder what your wife will say if I send her the conversation we just had, in which her husband is trying to be a fvck boy and failing miserably??
> 
> He never replied after that.
> 
> Now, the reasons why I feel that was a fake profile my ex husband was using to cat fish me are:
> 
> 1. Location Chicago.
> 2. He is sooo my type (ex knows my type)
> 3. He was overly charming, unreal.
> 4. Wanting to find out where I live and who I live with.
> 5. The Cinderella reference, my ex is one of only two people (well now you too) who knows I identified with Cinderella while growing up.
> 
> Maybe I am over thinking, Just be careful out there singles. This one is definitely another crazy OLD story


Only thing wrong is giving him pointers on how not to get caught next time. You should totally message the wife. Expose!!!


----------



## kingsfan

FeministInPink said:


> RD, if she shows more potential than any woman you've dated since the divorce, WTF are you doing?!? WHY are you so determined NOT to date her? YOU LIKE HER.
> 
> I really don't understand why you think this whole thing has been such a disaster. And why you think that cutting yourself off from any possibility of finding another female partner, ever, is such a great idea.
> 
> Has it ever occurred to you that she is not young and naive? That maybe she has a clear idea of what she wants? You've been wrong about her before. You thought she was a bimbo, and she turned out to be very intelligent. Maybe she LIKES that you have a kid. Maybe that's a selling point for her. What else about her says to you that she's naive? Yes, she wants a relationship, and she wants to wait for a relationship before she has sex. That doesn't make her naive. It means she knows what she wants. And if you're so convinced that celibacy is the way to go, then maybe you're better off not betting to fvck her right away. Did THAT ever occur to you?
> 
> You know what I think? I think you're scared. I think you're fvcking terrified, because this woman might actually be right for you, and that you might actually _fall in love_ with someone again, that you might actually have to open up and _connect emotionally_ with another person, that you might have to actually _be vulnerable with someone_ again, all of that scares the living sh!t out of you, and you would rather run away from it than take that risk. You would rather "drop a bomb" on her and try to scare her away, than risk trying for something real. You would rather end it and return to your safe life of celibacy, than taking a chance on finding love again.
> 
> RD, this makes me so sad for you. There's so much life that you're not allowing yourself to live. Why do you do that to yourself? You're not washed up and you're not done at 30.


Truth. I don't really see what the issue is here with her RD. You say she comes across as a bit immature sounding, but besides that she's been great. 

If you 'aren't ready' then tell her that and offer to take it slow. She seems to want that anyway. Tell her you are slowly getting back into dating and you're not sure you are ready yet, but you want to find out and you really like her.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> RD, if she shows more potential than any woman you've dated since the divorce, WTF are you doing?!? WHY are you so determined NOT to date her? YOU LIKE HER.
> 
> I really don't understand why you think this whole thing has been such a disaster. And why you think that cutting yourself off from any possibility of finding another female partner, ever, is such a great idea.
> 
> Has it ever occurred to you that she is not young and naive? That maybe she has a clear idea of what she wants? You've been wrong about her before. You thought she was a bimbo, and she turned out to be very intelligent. Maybe she LIKES that you have a kid. Maybe that's a selling point for her. What else about her says to you that she's naive? Yes, she wants a relationship, and she wants to wait for a relationship before she has sex. That doesn't make her naive. It means she knows what she wants. And if you're so convinced that celibacy is the way to go, then maybe you're better off not betting to fvck her right away. Did THAT ever occur to you?
> 
> You know what I think? I think you're scared. I think you're fvcking terrified, because this woman might actually be right for you, and that you might actually _fall in love_ with someone again, that you might actually have to open up and _connect emotionally_ with another person, that you might have to actually _be vulnerable with someone_ again, all of that scares the living sh!t out of you, and you would rather run away from it than take that risk. You would rather "drop a bomb" on her and try to scare her away, than risk trying for something real. You would rather end it and return to your safe life of celibacy, than taking a chance on finding love again.
> 
> RD, this makes me so sad for you. There's so much life that you're not allowing yourself to live. Why do you do that to yourself? You're not washed up and you're not done at 30.


FIP describes it perfectly . Honestly I feel that way too . The fear to love n trust another person n the fear of betrayal n love lost . I have not dated for two half years n I probably won't trust another person easily again . 

Hence my crush on my neighbor , the trust is a little easier there . it may be mutual for him as well , since his wife cheated n ran off . 

However , I really want to find that somebody , a soulmate, a best pal , to grow old with , to make love with . 

I am taking that risk with the right person of course
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> And wtf are you thinking allowing a woman -naked or not- spend the night on your couch knowing your kids will be up at some weird hour and potentially find her? Your kids shouldn't be waking up to some random woman in their house.
> 
> !


Bad daddy . think for your children please . your actions has impact n effects on her future please
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

kingsfan said:


> If you 'aren't ready' then tell her that and offer to take it slow. She seems to want that anyway. Tell her you are slowly getting back into dating and you're not sure you are ready yet, but you want to find out and you really like her.


All of this simply wasn't meant to happen. Shocking how it all escalated. It's a shock to my system and combined with present problems at work everything is driving me nuts.

At least had a good Aus day at the beach with my daughter today, nice and sunny, enough to set us on fire! Too bad ex stole her for the night... bah! Regardless of that, in the end - my life is GREAT and I have no need of all this crap. It simply wasn't supposed to happen.

I made up my mind last year to commit myself to celibacy, to find contentment in what I have, to get rid of the desires for companionship. And now to let it all go? To reverse everything I've done that helped me achieve serenity?

Even if we go slow, and even if she decides to continue dating after the bombs I intend to drop tomorrow (nothing but the truth) - I'm still going to hold myself responsible if she gets hurt even if its her call to make. Look at what happened with ex-GF last V-day. I had to break the heart of a woman who's only been good to me.

I'm due to get my heart ripped out and fed back at me, it's karma, but a repeat of last year's drama is not something I want.


----------



## MRR

kingsfan said:


> Anyone that has nothing to do with you for months and then in one night:
> 
> -comes to your place
> - has sex with you (twice)
> -invites you to go to Florida with her
> -invites you to join her gym
> - mentions she has a stalker
> 
> well, she likely wants something pretty bad.
> 
> I wonder if she wants a boyfriend just to be able to scare off this stalker, or maybe views you are some protection? You did mention going to the gym, are you well built?
> 
> Lots of red flags to me, no matter how good the night was.
> 
> And wtf are you thinking allowing a woman -naked or not- spend the night on your couch knowing your kids will be up at some weird hour and potentially find her? Your kids shouldn't be waking up to some random woman in their house.
> 
> 
> 
> Only thing wrong is giving him pointers on how not to get caught next time. You should totally message the wife. Expose!!!


King, i totally understand the concerns and have concerns myself which is why i wrote the whole thing out. 

She is not random, my kids know her and are in school with her kids and her neices. Having said that, I had no idea-- and neither did she-- that she was going to be asleep on the couch in the AM. Dumb mistake. 

No, she does NOT want a boyfriend/relationship. She made that clear and frankly, she is smarter than I was at that point after my divorce. She needs to create her own new life post-divorce and she knows it. She said she has dated others, as we both have, and that she has not found the kind of conversation/connection we have had. I can see why she said that because things between us have always been uncommonly easy. I can tell that on my end because I have dated other normal, nice, women since then and not quite had the same fun talks. Not awful but not the same. 

I guess she wants companionship without having to truly answer to anyone the way you would in a relationship and after looking around a bit realized it is good and easy. I do not know what is going to happen and I am not going to bring up these things again but I do see where she is coming from

that said, I do not know if it is right for me any way. in some ways, yes, but as FIP told me weeks ago, if i continue in this situation it is going to make it much harder to find someone who wants something real (if that is even what i want) because i will not be motivated if i have her every now and then. And also there comes the anxiousness and annoyance of sporadic communication. Right now I am fine but if i go back down this route and she becomes a bit flakey again, i will have to go back through the process of cutting her off in my mind to be able to genuinely have interest in others.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> All of this simply wasn't meant to happen. Shocking how it all escalated. It's a shock to my system and combined with present problems at work everything is driving me nuts.
> 
> At least had a good Aus day at the beach with my daughter today, nice and sunny, enough to set us on fire! Too bad ex stole her for the night... bah! Regardless of that, in the end - my life is GREAT and I have no need of all this crap. It simply wasn't supposed to happen.
> 
> I made up my mind last year to commit myself to celibacy, to find contentment in what I have, to get rid of the desires for companionship. And now to let it all go? To reverse everything I've done that helped me achieve serenity?
> 
> Even if we go slow, and even if she decides to continue dating after the bombs I intend to drop tomorrow (nothing but the truth) - I'm still going to hold myself responsible if she gets hurt even if its her call to make. Look at what happened with ex-GF last V-day. I had to break the heart of a woman who's only been good to me.
> 
> I'm due to get my heart ripped out and fed back at me, it's karma, but a repeat of last year's drama is not something I want.


Dont be hard on yourself .

You are a good guy from I can read on this forum . You just have issues to work on just like anyone else , myself included .

You will be a blessing to a lucky girl one day . work on it . RD .


----------



## ne9907

kingsfan said:


> Only thing wrong is giving him pointers on how not to get caught next time. You should totally message the wife. Expose!!!



It was a fake profile, I reported him. I feel it was ex husband because of familiarity and he (ex) has done something similar before. I don't have proof it was ex, and I will not confront him. I want nothing to do with him.


----------



## SARAHMCD

MRR said:


> King, i totally understand the concerns and have concerns myself which is why i wrote the whole thing out.
> 
> She is not random, my kids know her and are in school with her kids and her neices. Having said that, I had no idea-- and neither did she-- that she was going to be asleep on the couch in the AM. Dumb mistake.
> 
> No, she does NOT want a boyfriend/relationship. She made that clear and frankly, she is smarter than I was at that point after my divorce. She needs to create her own new life post-divorce and she knows it. She said she has dated others, as we both have, and that she has not found the kind of conversation/connection we have had. I can see why she said that because things between us have always been uncommonly easy. I can tell that on my end because I have dated other normal, nice, women since then and not quite had the same fun talks. Not awful but not the same.
> 
> I guess she wants companionship without having to truly answer to anyone the way you would in a relationship and after looking around a bit realized it is good and easy. I do not know what is going to happen and I am not going to bring up these things again but I do see where she is coming from
> 
> that said, I do not know if it is right for me any way. in some ways, yes, but as FIP told me weeks ago, if i continue in this situation it is going to make it much harder to find someone who wants something real (if that is even what i want) because i will not be motivated if i have her every now and then. And also there comes the anxiousness and annoyance of sporadic communication. Right now I am fine but if i go back down this route and she becomes a bit flakey again, i will have to go back through the process of cutting her off in my mind to be able to genuinely have interest in others.


One thing I've noticed with you and your FWB is that whenever she calls, you come running. You have always been available for her whenever she wants it but it doesn't seem to be the case the other way around. You obviously have feelings for her. You need to decide if you can shut those down and maintain a sporadic FWB relationship or not. 

I agree with FIP, as long as you have this woman in your life you are always going to feel less of a need to search for something meaningful for you. She is your crutch. But she flakes on you, she is not reliable or dependable. She's hot and cold. She is going through a separation - she just moved out right? So that's to be expected. But you don't have to accept this behaviour in your life.

People only treat you the way you allow them to. Decide what you want - are you tired of this back and forth? Then tell her what YOU want. Don't try to fit yourself into what she wants at this particular moment. That is not going to end well. And of course, you may just need to cut the ties entirely. I'm sure this sounds scary to you since you like her and hey, sex right?


----------



## MRR

SARAHMCD said:


> One thing I've noticed with you and your FWB is that whenever she calls, you come running. You have always been available for her whenever she wants it but it doesn't seem to be the case the other way around. You obviously have feelings for her. You need to decide if you can shut those down and maintain a sporadic FWB relationship or not.
> 
> I agree with FIP, as long as you have this woman in your life you are always going to feel less of a need to search for something meaningful for you. She is your crutch. But she flakes on you, she is not reliable or dependable. She's hot and cold. She is going through a separation - she just moved out right? So that's to be expected. But you don't have to accept this behaviour in your life.
> 
> People only treat you the way you allow them to. Decide what you want - are you tired of this back and forth? Then tell her what YOU want. Don't try to fit yourself into what she wants at this particular moment. That is not going to end well. And of course, you may just need to cut the ties entirely. I'm sure this sounds scary to you since you like her and hey, sex right?


Thanks for your comments Sarah. 

I actually agree with you on every point. 

-I have absolutely been too available
-She is divorced but it is new; I am sure she likes meeting new guys still, as honestly that kind of freedom was exciting to me when I found myself single again
-she is hot and cold and has been flakey, which in the past did cause some anxiety/annoyance

I have successfully shut those feelings down since November, and dated, and liked, other women though, and I am totally fine at this point with moving on. I get what you are saying about being my crutch, but Saturday when she reached out, I did not feel like I needed to please her, so to speak (though I did please her!)

We WILL see each other (due mostly to circumstances with our kids and her sister's kids), like we have a few times the last couple months we were not hooking up, and it is fine. I mean, honestly, we like each other as people and I think truly want good things for each other. I totally believe that she feels that way. 


I guess what I am struggling with is figuring out what I want...and if she could even be that. The last real relationship I had left me feeling smothered and unhappy as it felt like I had to answer to someone, as it was when I was married. She is not that at all. 

I still crave compionship and intimacy, but want my freedom too. 

I do need to learn how to create the situation that I want. I am not sure how to frame it or exactly what it looks like. I guess in any case I need to be more firm with what I want, when I know those things. 

I appreciate this, Sarah--- "People only treat you the way you allow them to. Decide what you want - are you tired of this back and forth? Then tell her what YOU want."

I need to figure out how to make that work in my life. How to enforce those things.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> I am never alone, at home I have my daughter, my cat, at work I have a solid team who are all mates, I don't need a woman in my life. I've adapted to single life just as I adapted to the streets when I was a kid, legit life once I hit adulthood, and married life when I met ex-wife. In the end I let my penis make decisions for one day and this sh-t happens. I slipped, but this is now serving as a reminder to strengthen my resolve in stay celibate for the rest of my life. I was happy for a year without dramas, I'm not happy now, but I will be once I wash my hands clean of my current date and I'm back to normal.
> 
> I hate the fact that this woman ended up showing more potential than all the women I dated since separation, this is going to make it harder, but chances are she'll be the one with the hammer on the nail after I let her know the score so I can save myself the regret of letting her go. If she doesn't than she's a fool and her proving that will only convince me that she's just too young and naive for me and give me enough motivation to hammer in the nail myself.
> 
> As for prostitutes, sure they need a living too but for me? I NEVER pay for sex, ever, and I NEVER needed to. I'm also no longer interested in FWBs after ex-GF/FWB, and I don't like to sleep around too much either - so no ONS for me - so I'm done with all aspects of human mating. What I want is serenity that can only come from celibacy, just wish I can kill off the hormonal desires that contradict with my more logical mindset, but this little encounter will at least serve to shut him the FK up for perhaps another year or two. After a few more years of celibacy I should be hardened and rusted enough to stay away from women for good.



Look RD, I get the sense you are much younger than me so listen to this old woman! 

You are too young to be celibate. One of the great joys of life is great sex. It is to be enjoyed passionately and frequently. Life is short and you need to enjoy it. If you were truly happy by yourself, you would not have even considered going out with this woman. The fact you have physical desires is because you are supposed to. People are not meant to be alone. 

To me, it sounds like you are scared because she has exposed an area of vulerability and you are wary of getting hurt. To me, this is a self defense mechanism. She is a type of woman you can see yourself with and it scares you because your EX hurt you. You dont want to hurt like that again. But this is a different person who may not do the same thing. You might be missing out on great LOVE (another gift) by not risking your heart to find out.

While our children are a precious gift, they cannot be the center of our existence. You cannot live your life for your daughter because she has a life to live and you have yours. While they are small, your lives are entwined but it wont be like that forever. Your job as a parent is to teach her to be a successful independent woman. How can you model that if you yourself dont have a full life yourself? What are you going to do when she grows up and leaves? What will you have? Besides, what are you teaching her if she sees her Dad unable to have a healthy relationship with a woman?

Be honest with this new woman. Put it out there and see what she says. Maybe this is a way to test the waters. Go slow. If she bails, you can at least say you were honest and tried.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Look RD, I get the sense you are much younger than me so listen to this old woman!
> 
> You are too young to be celibate. One of the great joys of life is great sex. It is to be enjoyed passionately and frequently. Life is short and you need to enjoy it. If you were truly happy by yourself, you would not have even considered going out with this woman. The fact you have physical desires is because you are supposed to. People are not meant to be alone.
> 
> To me, it sounds like you are scared because she has exposed an area of vulerability and you are wary of getting hurt. To me, this is a self defense mechanism. She is a type of woman you can see yourself with and it scares you because your EX hurt you. You dont want to hurt like that again. But this is a different person who may not do the same thing. You might be missing out on great LOVE (another gift) by not risking your heart to find out.
> 
> While our children are a precious gift, they cannot be the center of our existence. You cannot live your life for your daughter because she has a life to live and you have yours. While they are small, your lives are entwined but it wont be like that forever. Your job as a parent is to teach her to be a successful independent woman. How can you model that if you yourself dont have a full life yourself? What are you going to do when she grows up and leaves? What will you have? Besides, what are you teaching her if she sees her Dad unable to have a healthy relationship with a woman?
> 
> Be honest with this new woman. Put it out there and see what she says. Maybe this is a way to test the waters. Go slow. If she bails, you can at least say you were honest and tried.


^^^THIS. All of THIS.


----------



## RandomDude

Ah hell FINE, I'll leave my decision open until next I see her, but I'm still going to drop the bombs, as you mentioned, it's best to be honest after all, that's decided.

I doubt she'll stick around anyway, we don't exactly have a good track record with our dates until #3

Anyway enough of this, I'm done with ranting about my system shock, I'll deal with it next I see her, I'll stop hogging the thread with my problems, besides I already have another thread on this.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Ah hell FINE, I'll leave my decision open until next I see her, but I'm still going to drop the bombs, as you mentioned, it's best to be honest after all, that's decided.
> 
> I doubt she'll stick around anyway, we don't exactly have a good track record with our dates until #3
> 
> Anyway enough of this, I'm done with ranting about my system shock, I'll deal with it next I see her, I'll stop hogging the thread with my problems, besides I already have another thread on this.


What exactly are the bombs your'e going to drop? That you don't want to continue dating her unless you start having sex? I'm confused about what you think your "bombs" are.


----------



## RandomDude

Nothing so crass, only what was discussed on the other thread. Except I'm going to let her decide where we go from here. I'm seeing her in a few hours anyway, get it over and done with during the day.


----------



## vi_bride04

SARAHMCD said:


> One thing I've noticed with you and your FWB is that whenever she calls, you come running. You have always been available for her whenever she wants it but it doesn't seem to be the case the other way around. You obviously have feelings for her. You need to decide if you can shut those down and maintain a sporadic FWB relationship or not.
> 
> I agree with FIP, as long as you have this woman in your life you are always going to feel less of a need to search for something meaningful for you. She is your crutch. But she flakes on you, she is not reliable or dependable. She's hot and cold. She is going through a separation - she just moved out right? So that's to be expected. But you don't have to accept this behaviour in your life.
> 
> People only treat you the way you allow them to. Decide what you want - are you tired of this back and forth? Then tell her what YOU want. Don't try to fit yourself into what she wants at this particular moment. That is not going to end well. And of course, you may just need to cut the ties entirely. I'm sure this sounds scary to you since you like her and hey, sex right?


Yup.... This is so spot on. 

I just went through this... Well am still going through it and for me I have to cut ties completely... The sporadic contact is not good cuz I keep getting the feels. 

I know how I want to be treated yet let people treat me less than that and at their convenience. I need to step up my game for self. Not sure what happened but I seem to be ignoring some lessons I've learned along the way since divorce.

I have a thing with giving people too many chances/having hope of change. Ugh


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> I am never alone, at home I have my daughter, my cat, at work I have a solid team who are all mates, I don't need a woman in my life. I've adapted to single life just as I adapted to the streets when I was a kid, legit life once I hit adulthood, and married life when I met ex-wife. In the end I let my penis make decisions for one day and this sh-t happens. I slipped, but this is now serving as a reminder to strengthen my resolve in stay celibate for the rest of my life. I was happy for a year without dramas, I'm not happy now, but I will be once I wash my hands clean of my current date and I'm back to normal.
> 
> I hate the fact that this woman ended up showing more potential than all the women I dated since separation, this is going to make it harder, but chances are she'll be the one with the hammer on the nail after I let her know the score so I can save myself the regret of letting her go. If she doesn't than she's a fool and her proving that will only convince me that she's just too young and naive for me and give me enough motivation to hammer in the nail myself.
> 
> As for prostitutes, sure they need a living too but for me? I NEVER pay for sex, ever, and I NEVER needed to. I'm also no longer interested in FWBs after ex-GF/FWB, and I don't like to sleep around too much either - so no ONS for me - so I'm done with all aspects of human mating. What I want is serenity that can only come from celibacy, just wish I can kill off the hormonal desires that contradict with my more logical mindset, but this little encounter will at least serve to shut him the FK up for perhaps another year or two. After a few more years of celibacy I should be hardened and rusted enough to stay away from women for good.


Then be a eunuch, no shame in that, at least you get to be the one to do the job.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> Look RD, I get the sense you are much younger than me so listen to this old woman!
> 
> You are too young to be celibate. One of the great joys of life is great sex. It is to be enjoyed passionately and frequently. Life is short and you need to enjoy it. If you were truly happy by yourself, you would not have even considered going out with this woman. The fact you have physical desires is because you are supposed to. People are not meant to be alone.
> 
> To me, it sounds like you are scared because she has exposed an area of vulerability and you are wary of getting hurt. To me, this is a self defense mechanism. She is a type of woman you can see yourself with and it scares you because your EX hurt you. You dont want to hurt like that again. But this is a different person who may not do the same thing. You might be missing out on great LOVE (another gift) by not risking your heart to find out.
> 
> While our children are a precious gift, they cannot be the center of our existence. You cannot live your life for your daughter because she has a life to live and you have yours. While they are small, your lives are entwined but it wont be like that forever. Your job as a parent is to teach her to be a successful independent woman. How can you model that if you yourself dont have a full life yourself? What are you going to do when she grows up and leaves? What will you have? Besides, what are you teaching her if she sees her Dad unable to have a healthy relationship with a woman?
> 
> Be honest with this new woman. Put it out there and see what she says. Maybe this is a way to test the waters. Go slow. If she bails, you can at least say you were honest and tried.



Yes ....... Great sex ..........drool..........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Well... lunch didn't happen, we had dinner instead, and the bombs fell, but nothing blew up. 

Instead, well... we got closer, and are on the same page now. :slap:

I dunno what I'm doing, right now I'm just going to "go with it" and see what happens. Feel strange in her presence really, gut at peace, yet skin with hairs on end, mind alert and dazed at the same time, dunno what that means, infactuation?

Still no sex sure... it's not even in my mind at this point, think I'm starting to like her


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Well... lunch didn't happen, we had dinner instead, and the bombs fell, but nothing blew up.
> 
> Instead, well... we got closer, and are on the same page now. :slap:
> 
> I dunno what I'm doing, right now I'm just going to "go with it" and see what happens. Feel strange in her presence really, gut at peace, yet skin with hairs on end, mind alert and dazed at the same time, dunno what that means, infactuation?
> 
> Still no sex sure... it's not even in my mind at this point, think I'm starting to like her



Pretty normal to be freaked out at this stage. Fear of being hurt is a part of it. Or fear of hurting someone you care about. 

Keep being honest about how you feel, and try not to self sabotage. 

And have fun! *giggity* 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

SARAHMCD said:


> One thing I've noticed with you and your FWB is that whenever she calls, you come running. You have always been available for her whenever she wants it but it doesn't seem to be the case the other way around. You obviously have feelings for her. You need to decide if you can shut those down and maintain a sporadic FWB relationship or not.
> 
> I agree with FIP, as long as you have this woman in your life you are always going to feel less of a need to search for something meaningful for you. She is your crutch. But she flakes on you, she is not reliable or dependable. She's hot and cold. She is going through a separation - she just moved out right? So that's to be expected. But you don't have to accept this behaviour in your life.
> 
> People only treat you the way you allow them to. Decide what you want - are you tired of this back and forth? Then tell her what YOU want. Don't try to fit yourself into what she wants at this particular moment. That is not going to end well. And of course, you may just need to cut the ties entirely. I'm sure this sounds scary to you since you like her and hey, sex right?


Ok...so another interaction last night. She randomly texts me, how was your day?

We go back and forth a few times but if I have learned one thing, a random text from a woman for no real reason means she likely wants to see me, or is at least thinking about me. 

I didnt feel like texting, had just gotten back from the gym, so i just said "come over". 

I could tell she wanted to but also, tuesday night, winter, sleep is probably sounding pretty good. She said "hmmmmmm" then "i am gross" I said (of course) "its fine". Then, I am going to read in bed, door is open for you. 

I went and took a shower and honestly didnt care either way. When i got out, she said, I am bringing a book over and will read in bed with you. 

She came over. No we didnt read but we were in bed, talked for probably an hour and a half, had sex. talked some more and then she went home. 

The difference here is that i threw out the invite without caring and am not feeling anxious at all about if/when I will hear from here again. We had a really great time just lying under the covers chatting and laughing...and almost forgot to have sex!

So. That happened.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Well... lunch didn't happen, we had dinner instead, and the bombs fell, but nothing blew up.
> 
> Instead, well... we got closer, and are on the same page now. :slap:
> 
> I dunno what I'm doing, right now I'm just going to "go with it" and see what happens. Feel strange in her presence really, gut at peace, yet skin with hairs on end, mind alert and dazed at the same time, dunno what that means, infactuation?
> 
> Still no sex sure... it's not even in my mind at this point, think I'm starting to like her


:laugh:

curious . what is the bomb ? How did you deliver ?


----------



## tripad

Hi 

I am getting this sinking feeling that Mr Neighbour wasn't just busy but pushing me off courteously by quoting busy travel schedules and not interested to meet me anymore . He is probably too courteous to tell me in my face that he is not interested anymore or he has another new love .

:frown2:


----------



## tripad

I am getting paranoid 

Time to go offline n flutter eyeslids
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Well... lunch didn't happen, we had dinner instead, and the bombs fell, but nothing blew up.
> 
> Instead, well... we got closer, and are on the same page now. :slap:
> 
> I dunno what I'm doing, right now I'm just going to "go with it" and see what happens. Feel strange in her presence really, gut at peace, yet skin with hairs on end, mind alert and dazed at the same time, dunno what that means, infactuation?
> 
> Still no sex sure... it's not even in my mind at this point, think I'm starting to like her


_Starting_ to like her? Dude, you already like her. You wouldn't be wasting all this brain space on her if you didn't.

(TBH, I'm kind of laughing at you inside right now, just because you're throwing up all these roadbloacks, and she apparently sees right through your bullsh!t. And it's totally throwing you off your game. RD, you NEED someone like her. You just don't know it.)
@Acoa is right--it's normal to be freaked out at this stage. You've built up so many walls and defenses, and with her, they're starting to come down, a little bit at a time. It's going to make you a little uncomfortable, being _any_ amount of vulnerable with a woman, after everything you've been through.

Take your time, and be honest with her--don't try to cover up or lie about how you might be feeling to protect her, or to shore up your defenses--but more importantly, be honest with _yourself_ about how you're feeling. I've seen you bouncing back and forth a bit on the thread regarding how you feel about this girl/situation, so don't act impulsively based on your emotions--wait and make sure you REALLY feel what you think you're feeling before you act on it.

And have fun--she sounds like a lovely woman.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Ok...so another interaction last night. She randomly texts me, how was your day?
> 
> We go back and forth a few times but if I have learned one thing, a random text from a woman for no real reason means she likely wants to see me, or is at least thinking about me.
> 
> I didnt feel like texting, had just gotten back from the gym, so i just said "come over".
> 
> I could tell she wanted to but also, tuesday night, winter, sleep is probably sounding pretty good. She said "hmmmmmm" then "i am gross" I said (of course) "its fine". Then, I am going to read in bed, door is open for you.
> 
> I went and took a shower and honestly didnt care either way. When i got out, she said, I am bringing a book over and will read in bed with you.
> 
> She came over. No we didnt read but we were in bed, talked for probably an hour and a half, had sex. talked some more and then she went home.
> 
> The difference here is that i threw out the invite without caring and am not feeling anxious at all about if/when I will hear from here again. We had a really great time just lying under the covers chatting and laughing...and almost forgot to have sex!
> 
> So. That happened.


Hmm. She's pursuing you. Wonder why, when she was so noncommittal before?

Think you can stay detached this go 'round? Let her do the pursuing.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Hi
> 
> I am getting this sinking feeling that Mr Neighbour wasn't just busy but pushing me off courteously by quoting busy travel schedules and not interested to meet me anymore . He is probably too courteous to tell me in my face that he is not interested anymore or he has another new love .
> 
> :frown2:


Why do you think this?

And if this is the case, you need to let it go. Either you're not meant for each other, or the timing isn't right at this moment in time. There are other men out there with whom you're compatible; he's not the only one.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Well... lunch didn't happen, we had dinner instead, and the bombs fell, but nothing blew up.


Huh. So your worst-case scenario expectations didn't come to light? I'm glad you gave it a chance, RD. It's scary, and we all get that. Like I said though, what do you have to lose? It's already better than you anticipated!



tripad said:


> Hi
> 
> I am getting this sinking feeling that Mr Neighbour wasn't just busy but pushing me off courteously by quoting busy travel schedules and not interested to meet me anymore . He is probably too courteous to tell me in my face that he is not interested anymore or he has another new love .


Stop overthinking, Tripad. Take a deep breath, back off from it, and give him a fair chance to respond.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Hmm. She's pursuing you. Wonder why, when she was so noncommittal before?
> 
> Think you can stay detached this go 'round? Let her do the pursuing.


That is definitely the plan. I dont think she has stopped being non committal though, I still dont think she wants anything serious, but the thing she said to me the other night about having dated people and not really found the same level of conversation, she talked about our conversation both in text and in person...and did say she missed that. 

So far I am feeling pretty good. Like, I can wait for her to reach out again.


----------



## MRR

tripad said:


> Hi
> 
> I am getting this sinking feeling that Mr Neighbour wasn't just busy but pushing me off courteously by quoting busy travel schedules and not interested to meet me anymore . He is probably too courteous to tell me in my face that he is not interested anymore or he has another new love .
> 
> :frown2:


Instead of calling it a 'sinking feeling' lets just say that you have thrown it out there and are moving on. And then move on. Removing your attention may bring his back, and if not, you have removed yours and moved on so it doesnt matter. 

I know, harder to do in real life, but the universe does work that way. Stay positive.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Well... lunch didn't happen, we had dinner instead, and the bombs fell, but nothing blew up.
> 
> Instead, well... we got closer, and are on the same page now. :slap:
> 
> I dunno what I'm doing, right now I'm just going to "go with it" and see what happens. Feel strange in her presence really, gut at peace, yet skin with hairs on end, mind alert and dazed at the same time, dunno what that means, infactuation?
> 
> Still no sex sure... it's not even in my mind at this point, think I'm starting to like her


Well, that's good!


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah well, I'm still annoyed that this happening to me... been telling myself I'm happy being celibate for a year, and I was through blissful ignorance. Looks like I have to start re-adjusting to having a woman in my life.

There's alot more to her than what I first thought, and the more time I spend with her the more surprises I find, even when I try to push her away or give her reason to ****** off we end up closer. I can't say I see her the same way as I did when I first saw her, it's strange when things just work out naturally. Last time something like this happen was so many years ago when I first met ex-wife.

It's almost too good to be true, and I struggle to believe how I hit the jackpot on the first woman I date after a year of celibacy. Probability is not in favor of us ending up good, in other words my luck just isnt usually like this. So yeah, I'm still guarded... just, curious now, more than ever, to see where this leads.


----------



## MRR

So, you hit the jackpot with this girl, RD? Other than looks, what is it that makes her so amazing?


----------



## gouge_away

The fact that you were committed to not being in any type of relationship may have mitigated countless duds and unlucky scenario. Right there, this girl had to be special, sure your initial attraction was based on aesthetics, but she has been passing your test, and far more than you even know it, you are following her lead.

I would say you have got a woman on the same page as you are, and your afraid to enjoy it, or even acknowledge it for that matter. Just don't put a ring on it, and protect yourself. If things don't work out, your back where you stared, celibate and content as can be. If by the grace of God things do work out, your balls will thank you 

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## 3Xnocharm

MRR said:


> That is definitely the plan. I dont think she has stopped being non committal though, I still dont think she wants anything serious, *but the thing she said to me the other night about having dated people and not really found the same level of conversation, she talked about our conversation both in text and in person..*.and did say she missed that.
> 
> So far I am feeling pretty good. Like, I can wait for her to reach out again.


So in other words, you'll do for now. So far no one else is as good as you, and even though she doesn't really have "those" kinds of feelings for you, she can use you in the meantime until her real match comes along.

This is the vibe I have been getting from all your posts. M.


----------



## RandomDude

Things she proved / boxes she ticked:

- 2nd date, she's not impressed with wealth, warm with others, also she's not easy, and she knows what she wants
- 3rd date, appreciates nature and simple non-material pleasures of life, good conversationalist, romantic
- 4th date, not intimidated by potential problems, solution-seeker, good empathy and ability to understand

Despite my vents about our earlier dates, I was paying attention. I don't buy she says or what anyone says, but she's been ticking off the boxes by her actions alone. Also despite my best attempts at sabotage I have been ticking her boxes off as well surprisingly, e.g. she said she appreciates that I respected her boundaries and didn't make her feel pressured on 2nd date, and that I've been honest with her in how I felt about us, etc etc - the rest I will not mention as I hate to boast

My "A" game, actually put her off. Told me it's part of the reason she took me out for a road trip on 3rd date to see if I was full of sh-t or not, as she wasn't impressed. She also told me that she wasn't joking when she called me a player, though thankfully she told me she no longer sees me as one. So in the end, we clicked, and we weren't even trying. 

For me, that's what I call a jackpot


----------



## MRR

3Xnocharm said:


> So in other words, you'll do for now. So far no one else is as good as you, and even though she doesn't really have "those" kinds of feelings for you, she can use you in the meantime until her real match comes along.
> 
> This is the vibe I have been getting from all your posts. M.


Yeah, i get that, but when a woman has been with her ex on and off for the better part of 20 years-- from say age of 21 to age of 39-- I would hope she would look around a bit when she has the chance. 

Frankly I am doing the same thing and finding the same thing.


----------



## vi_bride04

MRR said:


> Yeah, i get that, but when a woman has been with her ex on and off for the better part of 20 years-- from say age of 21 to age of 39-- I would hope she would look around a bit when she has the chance.
> 
> Frankly I am doing the same thing and finding the same thing.


She will never be done with her ex if that is the case... Move along if you can't cut the feelings 

Speaking from experience


----------



## MRR

vi_bride04 said:


> She will never be done with her ex if that is the case... Move along if you can't cut the feelings
> 
> Speaking from experience


Ok, if that is what you think, I may have done a poor job of conveying the situation. Her ex is not in the picture romantically at all. Other men, maybe, her ex, no. 

I was trying to point out that she has not been single for a long time and when I was in that situation, the smart thing would have been to meet multiple women and find out what works for me rather than latch onto the first one that would have me. Her ex has nothing to do with this.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Ok, if that is what you think, I may have done a poor job of conveying the situation. Her ex is not in the picture romantically at all. Other men, maybe, her ex, no.
> 
> I was trying to point out that she has not been single for a long time and when I was in that situation, the smart thing would have been to meet multiple women and find out what works for me rather than latch onto the first one that would have me. Her ex has nothing to do with this.


Even so, the on/off nature of her previous primary relationship indicates that she has problems establishing and/or maintaining healthy boundaries, that she doesn't know when to leave/let go, and that her life is full of drama.


----------



## kingsfan

tripad said:


> Hi
> 
> I am getting this sinking feeling that Mr Neighbour wasn't just busy but pushing me off courteously by quoting busy travel schedules and not interested to meet me anymore . He is probably too courteous to tell me in my face that he is not interested anymore or he has another new love .
> 
> :frown2:


You messaged him on Monday. It's been like three days, if that. At least give it a weekend before you say he's blowing you off.

You seem like you overthink things. Whatever amount of time you think he should text/call/set a date/whatever, in the future double it.



RandomDude said:


> *Yeah well, I'm still annoyed that this happening to me... *been telling myself I'm happy being celibate for a year, and I was through blissful ignorance. Looks like I have to start re-adjusting to having a woman in my life.
> 
> There's alot more to her than what I first thought, and the more time I spend with her the more surprises I find, even when I try to push her away or give her reason to ****** off we end up closer. I can't say I see her the same way as I did when I first saw her, it's strange when things just work out naturally. Last time something like this happen was so many years ago when I first met ex-wife.
> 
> It's almost too good to be true, and I struggle to believe how I hit the jackpot on the first woman I date after a year of celibacy. Probability is not in favor of us ending up good, in other words my luck just isnt usually like this. So yeah, I'm still guarded... just, curious now, more than ever, to see where this leads.


Nothing is happening to you that you aren't allowing to happen to you.


----------



## tripad

Kingsfan

It will be whatever I think multiply 10 , given the extensive travel itinery n that he's British 😕
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

So he travels often and is not a resident? =/

Personally I only date ladies within driving distance and aren't committed interstate or overseas, but that's just me.

Probably another reason why it took me so long to actually find someone worthwhile (assuming she keeps this up), since I always refuse to date outside the city. A friend of mine actually met and is planning to get married with a woman from his home country, sponsoring her with a visa and everything.

Can't see myself ever doing that though... ack!


----------



## tripad

Unsure about citizenship . He owns the house here n have business here . His children study here but probably has Brit citizenship .

He travels often lately over new business setup overseas . yes that's is a concern for me . not my cup of tea . 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Maybe come to think of it . maybe that's the reason his wife ran off with an affair guy , though it is still wrong of her to do that .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

MRR -- As long as you know exactly where you stand, I see nothing wrong with continuing your friendship with her. She does sound very non committal and seems to have picked you as a second choice. However, there is nothing wrong with spending time with those we enjoy. 
She actually sounds like I was with the guy I recently broke things off. I knew perfectly well, he wasn't a long term material relationship, and he was not want I wanted, but he was good enough for the time being. I got used to his familiarity and sometimes I do miss him and want to reach out, but I do not see the point. Sex was bland, conversation was great, but I did not see myself with him in the long run.
Good luck MRR~

TRIPAD, we ALL have been where you are. We all have obsessed over message. You will get better, the more you date. Trust me~
I used to obsess mad crazy! haha. I do not anymore. Plenty of people


----------



## RandomDude

Obsessing over texts... not me! 

*checks phone*


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Even so, the on/off nature of her previous primary relationship indicates that she has problems establishing and/or maintaining healthy boundaries, that she doesn't know when to leave/let go, and that her life is full of drama.


I cant say how on/off it was. They met in college and were married until last year, she was 38. The 'on/off' part was likely minimal and from what I know was only when they were in college, which is pretty common at that age and in that environmment. We dont get much into our relationship history that far back so I dont really have an opinon on that. I am not defending her per se, but just dont know, and frankly I was a heck of a lot different from 20-40 than i am now at 44 as far as relationships, etc. I think divorce can cause you to examine and improve yourself and she is just in the beginning stages of that.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I cant say how on/off it was. They met in college and were married until last year, she was 38. The 'on/off' part was likely minimal and from what I know was only when they were in college, which is pretty common at that age and in that environmment. We dont get much into our relationship history that far back so I dont really have an opinon on that. I am not defending her per se, but just dont know, and frankly I was a heck of a lot different from 20-40 than i am now at 44 as far as relationships, etc. I think divorce can cause you to examine and improve yourself and she is just in the beginning stages of that.


Did *she* characterize it as on/off? One doesn't characterize a 20-yr relationship as on/off if it was only on/off in the early stages, before marriage... 

I'm assuming that she was the one who said it was on/off, since you admitted to not knowing much about her relationship history.

She may be learning, examining, improving. I certainly hope so. But many people DON'T. They don't take the time, they dive into dating before they're ready and before they've learned, and they make the same mistakes all over again.

Isn't she the one who started seeing you while she was in-house separated, before the divorce was final? And she only just recently moved out? That doesn't sound to me like someone who has taken the time to examine and learn.


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> TRIPAD, we ALL have been where you are. We all have obsessed over message. You will get better, the more you date. Trust me~
> I used to obsess mad crazy! haha. I do not anymore. Plenty of people





RandomDude said:


> Obsessing over texts... not me!
> 
> *checks phone*


Not obsessing over text :nerd:

Just over thinking and worrying . But that is me . Though looking all cool and strong and fashionable outside , I am a homely nerdy thinker .


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> . But many people DON'T. They don't take the time, they dive into dating before they're ready and before they've learned, and they make the same mistakes all over again.


I read a lot about this , dating at least a year after divorce is finalised and I had my jaw hit the floor . 

However, I was really determined not to make another mistake . The two boyfriends I had before my husbands were azzholes as well . I had dumped my college sweetheart who is a nice boy but I was getting bored with him when i started work . And I had not reciprocated to the next boy who came along when who was just a boring nice boy .

Looking back , I wonder why . But then again , I was determinded to marry a nice man and my ex was nice till after I became officially his gf . What you guys call bait and switch . My fault was in not leaving .:frown2:


----------



## RandomDude

I am now facebook stalking, or more appropriately... doing "background research" 

*digs in*

Hehe, shameless!


----------



## RandomDude

Multicultural friend list - check

Lots of animal photos, more photos of her with animals than with humans, it's really cute lol
But some photos with guys >.< dunno if they were her exs or just friends, either way... I'm jealous =/

Someone already took her to the air it seems too... bah! And memorable enough for her to leave it on her FB... 
Well, at least no hang gliding photos, at least that's something I can still share with her, if she doesn't faint at the idea of being in the air without a ****pit.

She has some seriously good-looking men on her FB too damn it... wonder if they are competition? I can only pray they are all gay or FZed lol


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Did *she* characterize it as on/off? One doesn't characterize a 20-yr relationship as on/off if it was only on/off in the early stages, before marriage...
> 
> I'm assuming that she was the one who said it was on/off, since you admitted to not knowing much about her relationship history.
> 
> She may be learning, examining, improving. I certainly hope so. But many people DON'T. They don't take the time, they dive into dating before they're ready and before they've learned, and they make the same mistakes all over again.
> 
> Isn't she the one who started seeing you while she was in-house separated, before the divorce was final? And she only just recently moved out? That doesn't sound to me like someone who has taken the time to examine and learn.


She described it as on/off when they first met and during college. The divorce was final before we met but yes she was living w/ ex and kids. I think a lot of why she doesnt want to be serious w/ anyone is because she is aware that she isnt ready. She does still want to have companionship. 

I dont see anything long term here even though it is obvious we are like-minded, have physical chemistry, and just plain like being around each other. My biggest issue previously was that she was hot/cold. She probably still is-- like I said before I remember the disentanglement and then adjusting to not having kids w me all the time, emotions swing wildly. She knows it and as much as she is a very positive person, i see her struggle with it. 

I do give her the benefit of the doubt, but in a lot of ways she deserves it. I just need to find a way to do it so that I too get the consideration I deserve and I think by just letting her come to me at her own pace she will understand that. In the mean time I will continue to feel free to meet other women. 

Sorry for the rant. It is just hard to work things through in your mind and sometimes just writing it out on here helps, so it meanders...


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> MRR -- As long as you know exactly where you stand, I see nothing wrong with continuing your friendship with her. She does sound very non committal and seems to have picked you as a second choice. However, there is nothing wrong with spending time with those we enjoy.
> She actually sounds like I was with the guy I recently broke things off. I knew perfectly well, he wasn't a long term material relationship, and he was not want I wanted, but he was good enough for the time being. I got used to his familiarity and sometimes I do miss him and want to reach out, but I do not see the point. Sex was bland, conversation was great, but I did not see myself with him in the long run.
> Good luck MRR~
> 
> TRIPAD, we ALL have been where you are. We all have obsessed over message. You will get better, the more you date. Trust me~
> I used to obsess mad crazy! haha. I do not anymore. Plenty of people



I do get the whole, 'you shouldnt be plan b" thing. but when she first started dating i was possibly the FIRST guy she dated. is it that i am plan b or that she met other guys and still comes back to me? frankly, when you have not dated in 15+ years and are single, sometimes you dont trust yourself to believe the first person you meet is great. then you meet others and, well, one of them went crazy when she broke it off, and then seems to come back to me. it could be i am a fallback but she could actually find she likes me better than other guys

again, i do not think we will end up together long term but we do enjoy our time together.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Multicultural friend list - check
> 
> Lots of animal photos, more photos of her with animals than with humans, it's really cute lol
> But some photos with guys >.< dunno if they were her exs or just friends, either way... I'm jealous =/
> 
> Someone already took her to the air it seems too... bah! And memorable enough for her to leave it on her FB...
> Well, at least no hang gliding photos, at least that's something I can still share with her, if she doesn't faint at the idea of being in the air without a ****pit.
> 
> She has some seriously good-looking men on her FB too damn it... wonder if they are competition? I can only pray they are all gay or FZed lol


You are falling in love ? Doing Facebook stalking .

Hey you , calling me obssess with HP text 😛
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

Help me!
Selfie smiles feel so fake, wtf do I do?

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## tripad

Don't take selfie , because you will be too self conscious .

Get someone to take candid shots ? 

Personally , I think people who take selfie is weird , esp men , a real man . Justin bieber can be forgiven . Thus , when I take my selfie , I make sure my hands stretch far enough i crop my hands away so it doesn't look like a selfie . 

Tumble around with your son n be happy n then smile n shoot . then it is natural . I do that as I find it hard to smile after a long day of work n with a divorce just over . 

BTW your son is having the sunshine of a smile you can copy from .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

N don't let that comment affect your morale . it is just another person's comments . 

Though it is good to improve on weaknesses .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> You are falling in love ? Doing Facebook stalking .
> 
> Hey you , calling me obssess with HP text 😛
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Only curious 
Besides she's doing the same thing!

Falling? No not yet, a tad infactuated maybe - enough to feel jealous it seems =/

Bah! I'll never admit that to her though, ack! Staying collected.



gouge_away said:


> Help me!
> Selfie smiles feel so fake, wtf do I do?


Go date offline? lol
I dunno, like Tripad said just crop a few non-selfie photos.

I'm bad with photos too, hell not even photogenic either as every lady tells me I look better in person. 

Another reason I stay away from online dating, my first impression there will never be my best.


----------



## tripad

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/attach...ingles-tam-uploadfromtaptalk1454054565603.jpg

Don't do this pose
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez, now you are all making me self concious about my own pics on FB that miss ponytail is stalking >.<
Ah hell she already knows me in person anyway 

Speaking of miss pony, she turns me on like so much... I just hope I don't have to wait too long to get any! Bah!


----------



## Miss Independent

tripad said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/attach...ingles-tam-uploadfromtaptalk1454054565603.jpg
> 
> 
> 
> Don't do this pose
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Agree. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, now you are all making me self concious about my own pics on FB that miss ponytail is stalking >.<
> Ah hell she already knows me in person anyway
> 
> Speaking of miss pony, she turns me on like so much... I just hope I don't have to wait too long to get any! Bah!


Your second brain is talking again

I wonder if Mr neighbor thinks of sex those times he took a second glance at me n told me I look good 😁
?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/attach...ingles-tam-uploadfromtaptalk1454054495243.jpg

This pic will give me impression of laziness or too laid back or he's going for sex only .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Errr, for me it depends on what I'm looking at lol, just pay attention to the direction of his eyes 
I have to discipline myself really, as I have annoyingly big eyes that give me away easily, also in poker from time to time.

Second brain is very happy, and first/second brain aren't fighting anymore lol, they both want the same thing now 

3rd brain waking up as well after years of slumber... which is abit of a worry, been living without him for some time.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Errr, for me it depends on what I'm looking at lol, just pay attention to the direction of his eyes
> I have to discipline myself really, as I have annoyingly big eyes that give me away easily, also in poker from time to time.
> 
> Second brain is very happy, and first/second brain aren't fighting anymore lol, they both want the same thing now
> 
> 3rd brain waking up as well after years of slumber... which is abit of a worry, been living without him for some time.


Eyes at my butt n hip

He's a butt man
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/attach...ingles-tam-uploadfromtaptalk1454054495243.jpg
> 
> 
> 
> This pic will give me impression of laziness or too laid back or he's going for sex only .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If you are going to go lazy, do it up right...









If you don't like your smile, action shots work, do something interesting...








A man who cooks is interesting, it generates conversation. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> Your second brain is talking again
> 
> 
> 
> I wonder if Mr neighbor thinks of sex those times he took a second glance at me n told me I look good
> 
> ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



And what if he was? Would it be all that bad?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Acoa

MRR said:


> I do get the whole, 'you shouldnt be plan b" thing. but when she first started dating i was possibly the FIRST guy she dated. is it that i am plan b or that she met other guys and still comes back to me? frankly, when you have not dated in 15+ years and are single, sometimes you dont trust yourself to believe the first person you meet is great. then you meet others and, well, one of them went crazy when she broke it off, and then seems to come back to me. it could be i am a fallback but she could actually find she likes me better than other guys
> 
> 
> 
> again, i do not think we will end up together long term but we do enjoy our time together.



I guess it's okay if she isn't a leech. If she comes back because I support her then he11 to the no. 

If she has her own place and doesn't "need" anything but some of my time, and I enjoyed her company. I'd be fine as long as the prior break ups were fine. If she cheated and ran off, the F her, she'd be dead to me. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

Acoa said:


> And what if he was? Would it be all that bad?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If he was , great ! Lol 😘
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> I am now facebook stalking, or more appropriately... doing "background research"
> 
> *digs in*
> 
> Hehe, shameless!


I think it's totally normal these days to do "research" about the person you're interested in. Plus it gives you an idea of what kind of things they put out on the internet and sometimes what their intent is. Are they just happy-go-lucky or just in it for the "likes"? Do they like putting drama out there? That type of thing.

It's all good RD. Glad you found someone who piques your interest.


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## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> I think it's totally normal these days to do "research" about the person you're interested in. Plus it gives you an idea of what kind of things they put out on the internet and sometimes what their intent is. Are they just happy-go-lucky or just in it for the "likes"? Do they like putting drama out there? That type of thing.
> 
> It's all good RD. Glad you found someone who piques your interest.


:iagree: on all counts.


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## MRR

I dont think there is much you can do about it when you are interested in someone. It's there and easy to access. The other girl I went on a few dates with (heavy texter before we had met) had been looking at my linked in page (because it tells me who has looked) and it didnt bother me at all. I had looked at all her FB pics and guessing she did the same. I think it's natural if that stuff is so easily available now that people are going to look at it.


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## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I dont think there is much you can do about it when you are interested in someone. It's there and easy to access. The other girl I went on a few dates with (heavy texter before we had met) had been looking at my linked in page (because it tells me who has looked) and it didnt bother me at all. I had looked at all her FB pics and guessing she did the same. I think it's natural if that stuff is so easily available now that people are going to look at it.


What happened to/with heavy texter? I recall the first date being successful, but I don't recall what happened after.


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## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> What happened to/with heavy texter? I recall the first date being successful, but I don't recall what happened after.


Here is the basic timeline

-we met once I think mid december at starbucks/B&N, it was really nice, i texted after that i was glad we finally got together, she texted something like 'meeting you was all i imagined'

-we had plans to do lunch on a saturday after xmas, actually i think it was jan 3. the night before though, she texted me on the way home from a family get together ( i had one too that night for a football game that was a big deal around her) and asked if i wanted to meet for a drink. We did, and drank A LOT. It being Jan 2 i had the bright idea to ask if they had any leftover champagne from the night before. we made out and nothing else physical. We did NOT go to lunch the next day but she said it was a lot of fun

-went to lunch about 2 weeks later on a saturday for lunch, so would have been about 2 weeks ago. I picked her up, met her new puppy and hung out for a bit, had some nice kissing in the car when i dropped her off. 

I have not seen her since. She has two kids and has them kinda the opposite of my schedule with mine, but still there is a way to make time if necessary. So, i asked her about this past monday, she had plans, i told her i do not have kids fri and sat and am open (this was last weekend) and she said she had xx birthday friday and go to xxx restaurant saturday (did not say with whom) and did not offer an alternative. So, basically i asked her out for three different times and she couldnt make it-- understandable-- but has not attempted to find another time and i have not heard from her since Monday. 

That's what happened....ha.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Here is the basic timeline
> 
> -we met once I think mid december at starbucks/B&N, it was really nice, i texted after that i was glad we finally got together, she texted something like 'meeting you was all i imagined'
> 
> -we had plans to do lunch on a saturday after xmas, actually i think it was jan 3. the night before though, she texted me on the way home from a family get together ( i had one too that night for a football game that was a big deal around her) and asked if i wanted to meet for a drink. We did, and drank A LOT. It being Jan 2 i had the bright idea to ask if they had any leftover champagne from the night before. we made out and nothing else physical. We did NOT go to lunch the next day but she said it was a lot of fun
> 
> -went to lunch about 2 weeks later on a saturday for lunch, so would have been about 2 weeks ago. I picked her up, met her new puppy and hung out for a bit, had some nice kissing in the car when i dropped her off.
> 
> I have not seen her since. She has two kids and has them kinda the opposite of my schedule with mine, but still there is a way to make time if necessary. So, i asked her about this past monday, she had plans, i told her i do not have kids fri and sat and am open (this was last weekend) and she said she had xx birthday friday and go to xxx restaurant saturday (did not say with whom) and did not offer an alternative. So, basically i asked her out for three different times and she couldnt make it-- understandable-- but has not attempted to find another time and i have not heard from her since Monday.
> 
> That's what happened....ha.


That's lame on her part. She got really excited in the early (before meeting) phase, had a little fun the first few dates, but probably doesn't see this going anywhere. So she's not really trying to find time to see you.


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## MRR

yeah it is a little bit lame. I am not going to take it personally but point taken by her actions. She seems like a really sweet girl. And we do know several of the same people, which is why i thoght she may have been asking around about me (since there was so much enthusiasm before we even met). 

She may be busy, she may be dating others, she did just get out of what i believe was a pretty serious 2 year relationship (which we have not talked a lot about at all) but whatever it is she would continue to express a desire to find SOME time if she were interested. Funny, just a week ago I was out of town for medical tests and she was texting asking how what the results were (and actually sent me a selfie of her in her car that day! Very pretty), showing concern, etc, but when it comes to actually spending time together she is apparently in no hurry.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> yeah it is a little bit lame. I am not going to take it personally but point taken by her actions. She seems like a really sweet girl. And we do know several of the same people, which is why i thoght she may have been asking around about me (since there was so much enthusiasm before we even met).
> 
> She may be busy, she may be dating others, she did just get out of what i believe was a pretty serious 2 year relationship (which we have not talked a lot about at all) but whatever it is she would continue to express a desire to find SOME time if she were interested. *Funny, just a week ago I was out of town for medical tests and she was texting asking how what the results were (and actually sent me a selfie of her in her car that day! Very pretty), showing concern, etc, but when it comes to actually spending time together she is apparently in no hurry*.


Yeah, this is the kind of thing (inconsistent behavior) that drives me up a wall. J-Dawg would do the same thing. I would go out of town for a work trip, and he would texting/chatting me up the whole week, and then once I got back, he couldn't find the time to see me (would make me wait 1-2 weeks to get together) and his communication would turn into a trickle. And then the whole thing would cycle through again.

Either you're interested, or you're not. Fvck yes, or fvck no. 

As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games.


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## MRR

Honestly, i would probably be a lot more annoyed about it if I had not gotten a text from FWB just a few hours after randomly running into her. And then her coming over 30 mins later then another 2 hours after that having sex and then again 2 hours after that. Then getting a random text again from FWB tuesday and her coming over and great low key conversation and sex again. 

If all that hadnt happened, I would probably be pretty annoyed with what i guess we now call heavy texter. Which is no longer applicable because she is not texting anymore unless i text her. 

All that said, I am in a pretty relaxed state about either of them at this point -- meaning right now. Planning on a quiet weekend running errands, houswork reading, maybe at a local coffee shop, and not much more. If i hear from them, I guess i will see if i am up to seeing them. Probably more likely with FWB since we have known each other for 10 months and there is nothing uncomfortable about having her come over on short notice if I am not feeling like meeting out somewhere. If it is heavy texter i would likely put her off until a later date IF she even wants to see me. (She may just want someone to text with...?)


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## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games.


Post of the day!


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Post of the day!


I might have to make this my signature!

I've been divorced long enough that I don't need to link to my old threads anymore, right?


----------



## gouge_away

Live in the now

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## gouge_away

So I removed some pictures, the posed mirror selfies you all dislike so much.

Just so you women know, most guys don't run around snapping photos of themselves and friends when the do interesting things, unless it includes dead animals, and from what I understand... That is a huge turn off... I just hope you women know that the reason guys have pictures of themselves holding dead things is because those are the only pictures guys take of each other.

I often get asked if I have nice teeth on OLD sites, I do have nice teeth, and now I wonder why women ask... Ha.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## MRR

It's true. I don't have a pile of candids from the last 6 months to choose from when creating an OLD profile either.


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## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> So I removed some pictures, the posed mirror selfies you all dislike so much.
> 
> *Just so you women know, most guys don't run around snapping photos of themselves and friends when the do interesting things*, unless it includes dead animals, and from what I understand... That is a huge turn off... I just hope you women know that the reason guys have pictures of themselves holding dead things is because those are the only pictures guys take of each other.
> 
> I often get asked if I have nice teeth on OLD sites, I do have nice teeth, and now I wonder why women ask... Ha.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


I have this problem, I think... most of my pics were selfies, because while I DO go and do interesting stuff, I don't have someone following around after me taking pictures! And I tend to be a lone traveler, and I go off on lots of my activities on my own, so I don't have a lot of pics of me doing stuff, or me with friends. If I have pics from when I travel, they usually are selfies. (At least my aunt bought me a selfie stick recently, so maybe my future selfies will look less like selfies.

My self-imposed OLD ban lasted but a few weeks. I decided to give a couple of new apps a try, and I'm still getting very little traction.

I read somewhere that when guys see a profile with a lot of selfies, they assume she's vain and won't contact her. For the guys here, does that hold water?

Fvck it, I might just delete these profiles, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> Live in the now
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


I changed it


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

Well I dunno FIP, for me, even current date is a "yes, maybe" still, not a "fk yes", as happy as I am with her thus far. The boxes she ticked need to be checked for consistency - aka, trust building. One slip and it's gone, I expect the same from her as well.


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## gouge_away

Fixed!

"Giggity Giggity!"


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## MRR

Good Lord. I just talked to my ex wife on the phone after her insistence and she couldnt even say goodbye to me due ( i think) to crying. It's been two years and SHE wanted the divorce...


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> I have this problem, I think... most of my pics were selfies, because while I DO go and do interesting stuff, I don't have someone following around after me taking pictures! And I tend to be a lone traveler, and I go off on lots of my activities on my own, so I don't have a lot of pics of me doing stuff, or me with friends. If I have pics from when I travel, they usually are selfies. (At least my aunt bought me a selfie stick recently, so maybe my future selfies will look less like selfies.
> 
> My self-imposed OLD ban lasted but a few weeks. I decided to give a couple of new apps a try, and I'm still getting very little traction.
> 
> I read somewhere that when guys see a profile with a lot of selfies, they assume she's vain and won't contact her. For the guys here, does that hold water?
> 
> Fvck it, I might just delete these profiles, too.


I have never thought (consciously) that a woman is vain for TOO MANY selfies but definitely for the kinds of selfies, or pictures in general. The 'duck kiss' thing is a bit immature, and the bathroom selfie in the yoga pants and turned sideways-- vain. Some others I am sure but I dont think selfies in general. 

I will say it sucks not having good pictures because you just dont stop to take pictures everywhere you go. But I am not going to change in that way i do not think.


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## gouge_away

Yeah I worry about my soon to be ex. Kinda feel sorry for her. She had it pretty good...

Mid 40s, her student loans are in default, incurring $13k a year in fees and interest, no retirement, and she makes less than $13k a year from her bartending job.

I dodged a bullet, that feels good, but her future is only going to get more and more grim.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Good Lord. I just talked to my ex wife on the phone after her insistence and she couldnt even say goodbye to me due ( i think) to crying. It's been two years and SHE wanted the divorce...


What was that all about???


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I have never thought (consciously) that a woman is vain for TOO MANY selfies but definitely for the kinds of selfies, or pictures in general. The 'duck kiss' thing is a bit immature, and the bathroom selfie in the yoga pants and turned sideways-- vain. Some others I am sure but I dont think selfies in general.
> 
> I will say it sucks not having good pictures because you just dont stop to take pictures everywhere you go. But I am not going to change in that way i do not think.


If it's not the pictures, I can't figure out what the problem is.

Men seem to think that women have it so easy in terms of dating, and that is SO not the case.

(Not directed at the men here. But I've heard other guys say that. Like they think every girl receives so many messages that they can't swim through them all. I think that applies to maybe the most desirable women, like the top 5-10%.)


----------



## SARAHMCD

MRR said:


> If i hear from them, I guess i will see if i am up to seeing them. Probably more likely with FWB since we have known each other for 10 months and there is nothing uncomfortable about having her come over on short notice if I am not feeling like meeting out somewhere. If it is heavy texter i would likely put her off until a later date IF she even wants to see me. (She may just want someone to text with...?)


So you haven't asked "heavy texter" out again? She, being the woman, may not feel she should be asking you out so she is simply waiting for you (and texting in the meantime). Are you not interested enough to want to meet her again?


----------



## MRR

SARAHMCD said:


> So you haven't asked "heavy texter" out again? She, being the woman, may not feel she should be asking you out so she is simply waiting for you (and texting in the meantime). Are you not interested enough to want to meet her again?


First, I asked if she could do dinner this past Monday. She had plans, no alternate date suggested. 

Last weekend I told her I didnt have kids this weekend -- tonight and tomorrow. She said she had her friends bday to go out for tonight and tomorrow had plans to go to a restaurant in the area and didnt say with whom, and didnt offer a time when she was avaialable. 

So, I have asked if she were available for 3 differnt dates, got no for an answer and no expressed desire to find another time. 

Yes I would be interested but at this point she is going to reach out. It feels like she is not sure, or not sure right now, or not at all interested. 

FYI, it started out with her texting often and then grew to her not texting unless i did (there was a point when we first met that she felt she was 'bugging' me but that was literally the first time we met in person and i told her it was more i wanted to know who i was texting). 

So, I guess that is where we are right now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

MRR said:


> First, I asked if she could do dinner this past Monday. She had plans, no alternate date suggested.
> 
> Last weekend I told her I didnt have kids this weekend -- tonight and tomorrow. She said she had her friends bday to go out for tonight and tomorrow had plans to go to a restaurant in the area and didnt say with whom, and didnt offer a time when she was avaialable.
> 
> So, I have asked if she were available for 3 differnt dates, got no for an answer and no expressed desire to find another time.
> 
> Yes I would be interested but at this point she is going to reach out. It feels like she is not sure, or not sure right now, or not at all interested.
> 
> FYI, it started out with her texting often and then grew to her not texting unless i did (there was a point when we first met that she felt she was 'bugging' me but that was literally the first time we met in person and i told her it was more i wanted to know who i was texting).
> 
> So, I guess that is where we are right now.


Yeah, she's a time-waster for sure. 

NEXT


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> First, I asked if she could do dinner this past Monday. She had plans, no alternate date suggested.
> 
> Last weekend I told her I didnt have kids this weekend -- tonight and tomorrow. She said she had her friends bday to go out for tonight and tomorrow had plans to go to a restaurant in the area and didnt say with whom, and didnt offer a time when she was avaialable.
> 
> So, I have asked if she were available for 3 differnt dates, got no for an answer and no expressed desire to find another time.
> 
> Yes I would be interested but at this point she is going to reach out. It feels like she is not sure, or not sure right now, or not at all interested.
> 
> FYI, it started out with her texting often and then grew to her not texting unless i did (there was a point when we first met that she felt she was 'bugging' me but that was literally the first time we met in person and i told her it was more i wanted to know who i was texting).
> 
> So, I guess that is where we are right now.


I would assume she's not interested and move on myself. 

BTW I have a theory about this, involving two spectrums of women:

Woman A expects a man to lead, to make decisions, to find solutions, to pretty much do everything. Sometimes they can't (lack confidence), other times they just don't want to - or need to. With such women if you give her too much without getting anything in return - you lose the game. Alot of women seem to fall in this end of the spectrum, especially when young. Does this sound like her? If so, the best way to approach such a woman (if you even like such a woman), is two steps forward, one step back. You have to initiate progress, but then step back to make her come to you. Otherwise it would be a one way street and she'll lose interest feeling smothered.

Woman B however, plays ball, you pass the ball on her court she'll hit it back, and forth, and so on. My date is thankfully more towards this spectrum, and I reckon it's a more respectable dynamic. Wiser/smarter/older women fall further in this spectrum, with exceptions.

Regardless of the type of woman she is, IMO you should have cut loose from her the very FIRST time she rejected a date and made no alternate plans. As regardless of the type of woman she is, you either take a back step to let her come to you, or you wait until she plays ball when it's on her court. You have done neither.

Does this make any sense? It's a tad hard to explain, and maybe I'm just nuts


----------



## gouge_away

B women are fun to date.
A women are exhausting.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, this is the kind of thing (inconsistent behavior) that drives me up a wall. J-Dawg would do the same thing. I would go out of town for a work trip, and he would texting/chatting me up the whole week, and then once I got back, he couldn't find the time to see me (would make me wait 1-2 weeks to get together) and his communication would turn into a trickle. And then the whole thing would cycle through again.
> 
> Either you're interested, or you're not. Fvck yes, or fvck no.
> 
> As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games.


Now this got me thinking 

Maybe Mr neighbor is not a fuzk yes since he's hot when I am not ready . n he's busy when I am ready . 

Anyway I am not hanging hard waiting 

It's not fuzk yes nor fuzk no, but plain fuzking busy with life . 

But he's cute , the only one I can fathom hopping into bed with . guess he doesn't know that .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

MRR said:


> yeah it is a little bit lame. I am not going to take it personally but point taken by her actions. She seems like a really sweet girl. And we do know several of the same people, which is why i thoght she may have been asking around about me (since there was so much enthusiasm before we even met).
> 
> She may be busy, she may be dating others, she did just get out of what i believe was a pretty serious 2 year relationship (which we have not talked a lot about at all) but whatever it is she would continue to express a desire to find SOME time if she were interested. Funny, just a week ago I was out of town for medical tests and she was texting asking how what the results were (and actually sent me a selfie of her in her car that day! Very pretty), showing concern, etc, but when it comes to actually spending time together she is apparently in no hurry.


Maybe she has not firm up that you are the final one . but she's still playing the field a little longer .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> So I removed some pictures, the posed mirror selfies you all dislike so much.
> 
> Just so you women know, most guys don't run around snapping photos of themselves and friends when the do interesting things, unless it includes dead animals, and from what I understand... That is a huge turn off... I just hope you women know that the reason guys have pictures of themselves holding dead things is because those are the only pictures guys take of each other.
> 
> I often get asked if I have nice teeth on OLD sites, I do have nice teeth, and now I wonder why women ask... Ha.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Better start collect a series of pics now if you want to post your pic

N teeth good for kissing my dear . bad teeth means bad breath .

Yes , man , please , better hygience where you want the ladies to put their mouth . please .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Well I dunno FIP, for me, even current date is a "yes, maybe" still, not a "fk yes", as happy as I am with her thus far. The boxes she ticked need to be checked for consistency - aka, trust building. One slip and it's gone, I expect the same from her as well.


Gradual process to fuzk yes since we are not the lovey dovey love struck 18 years old anymore I guess . 

N yes after a divorce , I guess , if we are determined not to fuzk up again , it will be one slip n gone . both ways .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> View attachment 42713
> 
> Fixed!
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


With this pic , I see now 

The eyes !!!!!

Unfriendly , non smiling eyes . 

Real smiling eyes should have the slight lines at the corner . 

Try a light color t shirt . 

Shoot pic with one arm , n crop off arm .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I would assume she's not interested and move on myself.
> 
> BTW I have a theory about this, involving two spectrums of women:
> 
> Woman A expects a man to lead, to make decisions, to find solutions, to pretty much do everything. Sometimes they can't (lack confidence), other times they just don't want to - or need to. With such women if you give her too much without getting anything in return - you lose the game. Alot of women seem to fall in this end of the spectrum, especially when young. Does this sound like her? If so, the best way to approach such a woman (if you even like such a woman), is two steps forward, one step back. You have to initiate progress, but then step back to make her come to you. Otherwise it would be a one way street and she'll lose interest feeling smothered.
> 
> Woman B however, plays ball, you pass the ball on her court she'll hit it back, and forth, and so on. My date is thankfully more towards this spectrum, and I reckon it's a more respectable dynamic. Wiser/smarter/older women fall further in this spectrum, with exceptions.
> 
> Regardless of the type of woman she is, IMO you should have cut loose from her the very FIRST time she rejected a date and made no alternate plans. As regardless of the type of woman she is, you either take a back step to let her come to you, or you wait until she plays ball when it's on her court. You have done neither.
> 
> Does this make any sense? It's a tad hard to explain, and maybe I'm just nuts


Damn 

Now my ball is in Mr neighbor's court .

Hate the wait . damn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I found culture to be rather influential in determining where women end up along the spectrum 
Gender power balance and societal expectations also effects it; as spectrum A is actually traditionally "feminine"

It's exhausting but some guys like it, and some guys even expect it. It's not really right/wrong, 'tis preference

Either way you simply need to get the lady to play ball otherwise ****** off as she's time wasting, miss pony played ball from the start.

She's now pouring honey in my ears which is stroking my ego and making me feel so happy 
But still no sex... bah! I can't initiate anymore until I see SEVERAL green lights in a row after what happened on our 2nd date (she has to make it very obvious)
I hope she does... and soon


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Damn
> 
> Now my ball is in Mr neighbor's court .
> 
> Hate the wait . damn
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was also on my court on first date with miss pony, but I didn't play ball. She had to "cross the line, pick up the ball, then go back to her side of the court to serve."

But that's because she missed her que to serve when I was expecting it (aka, text after a date), bah!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I found culture to be rather influential in determining where women end up along the spectrum
> Gender power balance and societal expectations also effects it; as spectrum A is actually traditionally "feminine"
> 
> It's exhausting but some guys like it, and some guys even expect it. It's not really right/wrong, 'tis preference
> 
> Either way you simply need to get the lady to play ball otherwise ****** off as she's time wasting, miss pony played ball from the start.
> 
> She's now pouring honey in my ears which is stroking my ego and making me feel so happy
> But still no sex... bah! I can't initiate anymore until I see SEVERAL green lights in a row after what happened on our 2nd date (she has to make it very obvious)
> I hope she does... and soon


I see second brain getting desperate lol

I would entertain Mr neighbor second brain , after some dates , of course .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> It was also on my court on first date with miss pony, but I didn't play ball. She had to "cross the line, pick up the ball, then go back to her side of the court to serve."
> 
> But that's because she missed her que to serve when I was expecting it (aka, text after a date), bah!


I side stepped his invites twice .

Now I invited him twice . return his ego .

Fair n square .

Not third serve permitted . hope he gets it .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

But could be too late for him to return the serve - he may have already left the tennis court 

As for second brain, doesn't help that we're going slow so I don't expect anything for months 
Unless I get lucky on V-day, here's hoping lol! We're not committed or exclusive yet, though we're not dating anyone else at the moment

Besides she must want it too otherwise I'll walk, she reckons I'm hot though and it's always nice to hear that from a pretty lady 
She told me some of her friends are concerned about her dating me however, one issue some of them have is my race (*sigh*), the other is my daughter and my responsibilities, and they also reckon I'm a player WTF - and they haven't even met me yet!

Bah! I trust she can make her own decisions, if not then I'll just go back to celibacy. Dealbreaker for me. I'm also half-expecting her to make some stupid racial comment as she's true blue Anglo and she still has that circle, but so far she's been surprising. If she continues to treat me as an individual I will continue to do the same. Anything less and it's a deal breaker for me. Think she's being cautious, wouldn't surprise me if the racist crap is still in her head.

She is the first Anglo-Saxon woman I'm considering for a LTR, just hope she doesn't disappoint


----------



## tripad

He may have left court . it's a poosibility n it's to be expected . 

I won't hold it against him . 

I was just not ready then . he should know . he knew my divorce was really nasty .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kingsfan

gouge_away said:


> Yeah I worry about my soon to be ex. Kinda feel sorry for her. She had it pretty good...
> 
> Mid 40s, her student loans are in default, incurring $13k a year in fees and interest, no retirement, and she makes less than $13k a year from her bartending job.
> 
> I dodged a bullet, that feels good, but her future is only going to get more and more grim.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


My recently made ex is feeling it too. She makes about $18,000 a year and rent is at least $650 a month, so nearly half her pay will be going to just getting a place. Likely a stark contrast for her considering when we were together my income accounted for about 80% of household income.

We are still talking right now, trying to keep it amicable, but she's having a heck of a time wrapping her head around how she's going to make things work. Thing is she's accredited to work as a health care aide, something that would boost her pay by at least $8,000 to $10,000 a year but has thus far refused to do that. Was one of the silent killers of the relationship. Now she may be forced to do it. 



tripad said:


> Better start collect a series of pics now if you want to post your pic
> 
> N teeth good for kissing my dear . bad teeth means bad breath .
> 
> Yes , man , please , better hygience where you want the ladies to put their mouth . please .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What about missing teeth, lol


----------



## vi_bride04

Had a promising date... But an extremely horrible kisser. Omg. Swallows my face... Has anyone had any luck training someone to kiss? Don't feel I really want to have to do that though...

Ew.


----------



## kingsfan

vi_bride04 said:


> Had a promising date... But an extremely horrible kisser. Omg. Swallows my face... Has anyone had any luck training someone to kiss? Don't feel I really want to have to do that though...
> 
> Ew.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ynsr1bQtYts


----------



## vi_bride04

Lmao!!!


----------



## RandomDude

kingsfan said:


> What about missing teeth, lol


Reminds me when I was younger I lost one of my front teeth during a street fight, and had to get a denture at the time to fix it. During kissing it kept being flicked out and it was very awkward.

Although it was a minor injury it affected my confidence for quite some time, hence I knew I had to get a bridge. Once I got it (full bridge along upper set of teeth) I now have a happy, perfect smile  and it's lasted me for years so far.

But hell... that time with the denture was the worse =/
I never got used to it, and even taking it off I had my tongue to remind me everyday "you have... a hole" >.<


----------



## unsure78

VI I was never able to fix a bad kisser...eww sloppy and swallowing the face are the worst.  

Ive heard you can retrain someone though...


----------



## gouge_away

kingsfan said:


> My recently made ex is feeling it too. She makes about $18,000 a year and rent is at least $650 a month, so nearly half her pay will be going to just getting a place. Likely a stark contrast for her considering when we were together my income accounted for about 80% of household income.
> 
> We are still talking right now, trying to keep it amicable, but she's having a heck of a time wrapping her head around how she's going to make things work. Thing is she's accredited to work as a health care aide, something that would boost her pay by at least $8,000 to $10,000 a year but has thus far refused to do that. Was one of the silent killers of the relationship. Now she may be forced to do it.
> 
> 
> 
> What about missing teeth, lol


Yeah my ex too, has a health care degree and keeps claiming she can't find a job. When I open the news paper, and I'm not exaggerating, more than half the job adds are nursing, and she is qualified for all of them. Some are so desperate they will let you pick your own days, hours, seasons.

The court ordered her to fill out 20 applications per month for the entire divorce proceedings, its been 7 months since that order. And she claims she still can't find a job.

She would rather bartend for 16hrs a week. It hasn't occurred to her that bartending won't pay her student loans, or contribute to her retirement, and she's 44 now. 10 years from now, the milf chasers won't be giving her the time of day let alone tips.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> Had a promising date... But an extremely horrible kisser. Omg. Swallows my face... Has anyone had any luck training someone to kiss? Don't feel I really want to have to do that though...
> 
> Ew.



Maybe he watched too many episodes of "supernatural" .

I am trying to visualise how one kiss n the whole swallow face 

He must be slurping you all over like Scooby doo . urkk !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> Yeah my ex too, has a health care degree and keeps claiming she can't find a job. When I open the news paper, and I'm not exaggerating, more than half the job adds are nursing, and she is qualified for all of them. Some are so desperate they will let you pick your own days, hours, seasons.
> 
> The court ordered her to fill out 20 applications per month for the entire divorce proceedings, its been 7 months since that order. And she claims she still can't find a job.
> 
> She would rather bartend for 16hrs a week. It hasn't occurred to her that bartending won't pay her student loans, or contribute to her retirement, and she's 44 now. 10 years from now, the milf chasers won't be giving her the time of day let alone tips.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"



I can't figure why people are lazy as mentioned above . 

N when a woman works her azz off like me ( a few other gf i know too ) and we get a lazy azz ex or current H . 

I swear my next man is a real man who will feed me . or no man is needed .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Hey I'm lazy too 

I never started working hard until marriage, and then I lived by this quote:










Drove ex-wife nuts in our early years as I worked 84 hours a week. One would think I should be successful enough to relax a little now and I did, but unfortunately as it turns out, especially after being driven to expand by shareholders, early retirement is still far off since I can't delegate many of my responsibilities 

So the quote is bogus!!!!


----------



## tripad

There's no rest when you run your own business with your own money at stake .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

I'm starting my own business.
Right now I am studying for residential electrician.

I have a few technical diplomas and certificates for programming I haven't used.

I seem to pick careers that are dying, and currently I'm in print, educational print media.

I've decided to pick something that is technical, progressive, and not going out of style anytime soon.

So, home automation it is, and nobody in my area provides services or installation for smart home systems. The demand is here.

I figure the vast majority of my expenses would be paying residential electricians; therefore that is my starting point, its a easy 2 year part time program to complete the license requirements.

Other trades I will need are, carpenters, plumbers, and HVAC. All of which are very easy to find and hire.

I just don't know anything about the business end.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> There's no rest when you run your own business with your own money at stake .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not just my money but it's other people's money and livelihoods at stake!!! >.<

Worse, when you can't delegate operations and have to do BD at the same time. It seems it's going to get worse this year, I don't know how long I can hold on before something goes wrong.

Another reason I just can't afford to deal with any relationship BS that comes up, I trust the wrong person and not only would I be finished, but there goes my daughter's future inheritance and hundreds of jobs not to mention my professional reputation.

I'm very lucky that ex-wife didn't push for financial gain during divorce. She got everything but my business, which I thought was fair.



gouge_away said:


> I'm starting my own business.
> Right now I am studying for residential electrician.
> 
> I have a few technical diplomas and certificates for programming I haven't used.
> 
> I seem to pick careers that are dying, and currently I'm in print, educational print media.
> 
> I've decided to pick something that is technical, progressive, and not going out of style anytime soon.
> 
> So, home automation it is, and nobody in my area provides services or installation for smart home systems. The demand is here.
> 
> I figure the vast majority of my expenses would be paying residential electricians; therefore that is my starting point, its a easy 2 year part time program to complete the license requirements.
> 
> Other trades I will need are, carpenters, plumbers, and HVAC. All of which are very easy to find and hire.
> 
> I just don't know anything about the business end.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


When you start a new business you need to focus on business development as priority. Most businesses (~90%) die off within the first two years in my city and alot of it is due to poor marketing.

When you can't find demand, or the demand isn't there, you have to make it. That's my day job nowadays unless I'm running around managing operations across multiple outlets cause I have no managers able or willing to take on the responsibility.


----------



## kingsfan

gouge_away said:


> I'm starting my own business.
> Right now I am studying for residential electrician.
> 
> I have a few technical diplomas and certificates for programming I haven't used.
> 
> I seem to pick careers that are dying, and currently I'm in print, educational print media.
> 
> I've decided to pick something that is technical, progressive, and not going out of style anytime soon.
> 
> So, home automation it is, and nobody in my area provides services or installation for smart home systems. The demand is here.
> 
> I figure the vast majority of my expenses would be paying residential electricians; therefore that is my starting point, its a easy 2 year part time program to complete the license requirements.
> 
> Other trades I will need are, carpenters, plumbers, and HVAC. All of which are very easy to find and hire.
> 
> I just don't know anything about the business end.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Tell me about it. I'm considering a business as well because I'm in print media also. I'm an editor of a small town newspaper. The writing is on the wall for the print media right now, I figure I have five years.


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ynsr1bQtYts


Seriously , there are people who kiss like that .😑?

Wonder how he fares for sex ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Just woke up sweating from a bad dream, in it was ex, miss pony n daughter. Was clmbing up a net to get to a ride in a theme park (wtf), then miss pony said we had to hurry as the ride closes in 1 minute. I scaled to the top n looked back... wheres my little girl... n when I saw her, she tried to jump to the ledge n could have fell... woke up sweating n shocked n dehydrated. Went over to her room to maoe sure it was just a dream.

Not many dreams wake me up like this, what does it mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> Seriously , there are people who kiss like that .😑?
> 
> Wonder how he fares for sex ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes... And in my experience if they are a bad kisser they suck in bed too!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Just woke up sweating from a bad dream, in it was ex, miss pony n daughter. Was clmbing up a net to get to a ride in a theme park (wtf), then miss pony said we had to hurry as the ride closes in 1 minute. I scaled to the top n looked back... wheres my little girl... n when I saw her, she tried to jump to the ledge n could have fell... woke up sweating n shocked n dehydrated. Went over to her room to maoe sure it was just a dream.
> 
> Not many dreams wake me up like this, what does it mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are paranoid about ms pony taking over your daughter's place in your attention . it translates to dreams
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes... And in my experience if they are a bad kisser they suck in bed too!


 I am not going to find out his skills in bed if he's a bad kisser .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> You are paranoid about ms pony taking over your daughter's place in your attention . it translates to dreams
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Hope miss pony doesn't give me anymore bad dreams like this!



tripad said:


> I am not going to find out his skills in bed if he's a bad kisser .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See? 'tis what I mean when I say - first kiss means EVERYTHING to ladies


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* dream stuck in my head, not a good way to start the week
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

kingsfan said:


> Tell me about it. I'm considering a business as well because I'm in print media also. I'm an editor of a small town newspaper. The writing is on the wall for the print media right now, I figure I have five years.


I hope I have more than 5 years...
The writing is on the wall, and few will miss holding copy. Nobody likes spending $80-$300 on a text book when they can share a PDF file with their classmates.

10 years ago my average run was over 200,000 books per edition. Now it's less than 10,000. We just do more edition changes. Shooting myself in the foot, because the turnaround time on a digital edition is instantaneous, compared to 3 months in print.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## tripad

Wow
Dear Mr neighbor was back for 4 days n off again . how do you have a relationship at all ? Even if he's interested .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Bwahahaha just closed another deal wooooooooooo 

Now we're all going to be fked up to ur necks with work for at least next 6 months lol but fk it! Strong start to 2016 with new girl even!

So happy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Bwahahaha just closed another deal wooooooooooo
> 
> Now we're all going to be fked up to ur necks with work for at least next 6 months lol but fk it! Strong start to 2016 with new girl even!
> 
> So happy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What trade ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

My industry is hospitality 

My focus is on events and functions as they bring in the real revenue, unlike others who wait for these functions to be booked however I'm very proactive with establishing new clients and securing their business which contributes alot to the success I find today, years of work establishing relations hence I can't delegate my principle responsibility to anyone else - if they have the connections I have they might as well open up their own business! Also why I always recommend to startups - business development is VITAL! Growth needs to be stimulated, can't just wait for the business to grow by itself... well you can, but not recommended! Besides I'm expanding, I don't really have a choice as I also have builders and contractors to pay when it comes to my new properties.

We have alot of work this year, but a strong team, only problem is I can't find anyone to deal with operations management.


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> years of work establishing relations hence I can't delegate my principle responsibility to anyone else - if they have the connections I have they might start up their own
> 
> business development is VITAL! Growth needs to be stimulated, can't just wait for the business to grow by itself.



So spot on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm

vi_bride04 said:


> Had a promising date... But an extremely horrible kisser. Omg. Swallows my face... Has anyone had any luck training someone to kiss? Don't feel I really want to have to do that though...
> 
> Ew.


Bad kissing is a deal breaker for me. Instant turnoff.


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## RandomDude

Ive got bills I have to pay, so I will work work work everyday. Looks like retirement at 30 isnt happening. Maybe 40!

Bah! Or maybe never 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad

3Xnocharm said:


> Bad kissing is a deal breaker for me. Instant turnoff.


The video link was really cute . if that guy really kiss like that , slurping n eating up the whole face , I am having wild imagination of how he handles sex . 

Anyone can share ? 

Sorry , I am just bored here n looking for entertainment . 
&#55357;&#56443;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Ive got bills I have to pay, so I will work work work everyday. Looks like retirement at 30 isnt happening. Maybe 40!
> 
> Bah! Or maybe never
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If retire at 40 , you are lucky . 

Frankly , once busy , always will be busy . becomes second nature to be busy .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away

Retirement sounds boring, I wish I could keep having kids till the day I die.

"Giggity Giggity!"


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## RandomDude

Not quite for me, when working my way up, sure, when in management sure, all the way to ownership and thats when I caught a break. However having no capital to take out a business loan especially with a house as well I relied on OPM, so im not sole shareholder. Hence I have still have to answer to others.

it was an illusion of financial freedom, my goal. Being pushed to expand now has robbed me of my peace and now im back to having to work for my money. Financial freedom doesnt have to be boring, its the freedom to do whatever you want
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan

tripad said:


> Seriously , there are people who kiss like that .😑?
> 
> Wonder how he fares for sex ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I doubt someone who kisses like that has sex very often.


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## bkyln309

kingsfan said:


> I doubt someone who kisses like that has sex very often.


I met a man like this. He was "perfect" -- successful, funny, smart and we got along great. And then he kissed me:frown2: World's worse kisser. And what was funny he told me a story about how his ex raved about him being the best she ever had. Well, she must not have kissed alot of men because he was awful.


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## tripad

bkyln309 said:


> I met a man like this. He was "perfect" -- successful, funny, smart and we got along great. And then he kissed me:frown2: World's worse kisser. And what was funny he told me a story about how his ex raved about him being the best she ever had. Well, she must not have kissed alot of men because he was awful.


Not that the ex had not kissed a lot of man .

I have learnt this . a man boast when trying to cover up his flaws .he's insecure
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MRR

RandomDude said:


> I would assume she's not interested and move on myself.
> 
> BTW I have a theory about this, involving two spectrums of women:
> 
> Woman A expects a man to lead, to make decisions, to find solutions, to pretty much do everything. Sometimes they can't (lack confidence), other times they just don't want to - or need to. With such women if you give her too much without getting anything in return - you lose the game. Alot of women seem to fall in this end of the spectrum, especially when young. Does this sound like her? If so, the best way to approach such a woman (if you even like such a woman), is two steps forward, one step back. You have to initiate progress, but then step back to make her come to you. Otherwise it would be a one way street and she'll lose interest feeling smothered.
> 
> Woman B however, plays ball, you pass the ball on her court she'll hit it back, and forth, and so on. My date is thankfully more towards this spectrum, and I reckon it's a more respectable dynamic. Wiser/smarter/older women fall further in this spectrum, with exceptions.
> 
> Regardless of the type of woman she is, IMO you should have cut loose from her the very FIRST time she rejected a date and made no alternate plans. As regardless of the type of woman she is, you either take a back step to let her come to you, or you wait until she plays ball when it's on her court. You have done neither.
> 
> Does this make any sense? It's a tad hard to explain, and maybe I'm just nuts


I know what you are saying and I actually have taken a step back-- a lot of steps back. Every situation has its own circumstances so in this case I made it clear I was interested in seeing her. Previously (we had hung out 3 times) we had to work with our schedules to set something up, so it had happened that I would say, how about dinner on thursday (an example)? and her response would be somthing like-- My daughter has dance that night; I can do Wednesday though. 

So, when I asked her if she wanted to do something last monday-- I dont even recall what it was-- she said she had plans and i was surprised she did not offer alternate time. I think this person does want to be led, so i made it clear i was available over the weekend. She did not respond for a couple days and then said she had plans; she said they had been tentative and she wanted to make sure they were confirmed before she declined my invitation. As if...she were a little interested but not enough to change 'tentative' plans with others. 

In any case, I said ok, sounds good, have a great day....something to that effect, and stopped contacting her.


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## ne9907

I am a tennis player with relationships. Sometimes though, I love when a man leads. Unfortunately, I haven't dated any of these men lately. A friend of mine says I need a strong man by my side. Where do I find these strong men?


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## MRR

I am totally fine with leading to a large extent, but dragging someone along? At this point i feel like i would be trying to talk her into going out with me. So...no thanks. If she is actually interested she should make it known. (which she was doing quite clearly early on). I havent really thought about her in a week so if she was, or is rather, interested she should have made it more clear.


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## ne9907

MRR said:


> I am totally fine with leading to a large extent, but dragging someone along? At this point i feel like i would be trying to talk her into going out with me. So...no thanks. If she is actually interested she should make it known. (which she was doing quite clearly early on). I havent really thought about her in a week so if she was, or is rather, interested she should have made it more clear.


Oh agree! Do not text her again. She has already shot you down multiple times in my opinion. NExT!


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## tripad

ne9907 said:


> I am a tennis player with relationships. Sometimes though, I love when a man leads. Unfortunately, I haven't dated any of these men lately. A friend of mine says I need a strong man by my side. Where do I find these strong men?


Wonder too where are the strong men ? Pass one of his strong friends over when you find one .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Had a wondrous evening last night, no sex but it was special. Shes a tease though, legs on my lap n everything. But I didnt want to initiate not after 2nd date. Its her move now n she has to make it obvious.

Meh,she has such lovely eyes n yummy lips. We havent really established anything verbally, but I assume we r at 'going steady' stage.

im slightly infactuated
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TooNice

Alright friends, time to ask for advice. I mentioned that I deleted my online dating profiles and am focusing on me, which has been great. 

Nearly a month ago, I went to a party. I knew nearly everyone there, and those I didn’t know were easy to connect with. I ended up meeting a man who I had a great time talking with. We got together the next day and talked and hung out, and had dinner a few days later. I went out of town then, and our schedules didn’t make it easy to get together. I finally got to see him tonight. And it was great. 

There’s a catch: 

He’s significantly younger than I am. He’s got his life together, and he treats me with respect. Our talks are brutally honest and open, and I find that to be a trait I have not seen in other men I’ve dated. But he is a LOT younger than me.

We’ve been talking about this gap since the night we met. Neither of us ever imagined ourselves in this situation, but we can’t deny that we are great together. I feel like he has the most to reconcile, and he agrees. His friends are all getting married now, and he’d maybe like to do that in about five years. We realize I am probably not part of that picture. He’s not sure how he’d tell his mom that his “girlfriend” is barely a baker’s dozen younger than she is. And how do I broach this with my own son? This guy admits that he is a little hung up on the “social stigma” of dating a woman my age… likely more than he should be. I told him that if it bothers him, we shouldn’t move forward. Then two hours later, we are still at dinner and talking. Sigh…

He came over tonight after dinner, and we had such a good time together. (And very well-behaved, I might add.) We plan to see each other again a few times and reassess things next week. The big concern will still be there, it’s just a matter of whether we (mostly he) will become more comfortable with the idea of us being in a relationship. And all that entails. 

Has anyone ever dated seriously with a big age gap? Did you date thinking that it may lead to marriage? Or did you throw caution to the wind to just enjoy the amazing company of the other person? 

My gut says go for it, but we both need to feel that. I’m old enough to not care who we run into in public; he’s still worried about what people might think. But when it’s just the two of us, we are pretty great together. He may become more comfortable with it, which is why we decided to not give up just yet. I assured him that the ball is in his court here. I'm just hoping to get some perspective in the meantime.


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## RandomDude

Wooooooo! Welcome to the offline dating club!

... and I have absolutely no clue on how to help with large age gaps 

The largest age gap I've dated when younger was 10 years, didn't really work out, mostly bc she was married... but anyway, I can't say I recommend investing in this guy based on what you said; he worries about what others might think.

For me that's a dealbreaker, but that's bc I ain't going to waste my time with someone who can't make her own decisions and stand by them. I'm currently in the early stages of a potential "interracial" relationship and although it's not the same as having an age gap it still carries a stigma to this day, so I am very alert for any signs of her feeling doubts about it. If she does - bye bye. I don't have time for that BS and not going to invest in it.

But 'tis just me


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Wooooooo! Welcome to the offline dating club!
> 
> ... and I have absolutely no clue on how to help with large age gaps
> 
> The largest age gap I've dated when younger was 10 years, didn't really work out, mostly bc she was married... but anyway, I can't say I recommend investing in this guy based on what you said; he worries about what others might think.
> 
> For me that's a dealbreaker, but that's bc I ain't going to waste my time with someone who can't make her own decisions and stand by them. I'm currently in the early stages of a potential "interracial" relationship and although it's not the same as having an age gap it still carries a stigma to this day, so I am very alert for any signs of her feeling doubts about it. If she does - bye bye. I don't have time for that BS and not going to invest in it.
> 
> But 'tis just me


You are right, and logically, we both know that. I've just had such poor luck with my "picker" and the options available that it is so refreshing to finally meet a kind, genuine guy. :banghead:


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## SARAHMCD

TooNice said:


> You are right, and logically, we both know that. I've just had such poor luck with my "picker" and the options available that it is so refreshing to finally meet a kind, genuine guy. :banghead:


You need to think about whether you are at different stages of life. For example, does he want to have a family some day? And do you? Or does his timeline for that fall outside of your biological clock? I think those are the important questions. Would your wants and needs for a lifestyle sync? 

If these aren't factors, then I don't see age as a problem if you are connecting in the way you say you are. Obviously he has an issue with it and he'll need to resolve it before you could move ahead anyways.


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## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> You are right, and logically, we both know that. I've just had such poor luck with my "picker" and the options available that it is so refreshing to finally meet a kind, genuine guy. :banghead:


If you guys click, and there aren't any of those dealbreakers that SARAHMCD mentioned, I think you should go for it. Why not? It may not last long-term--the age difference might prove to be a pretty big hurdle--but it could be very good for the present.

Among my karaoke friends/acquaintances, a younger guy (26 or 27) has gotten together with a lady who's at least 20 yrs his senior. I knew them both for at least a year before they got together. My first reaction was, "Are they together? Really? Well, good for them!" I don't know if it will work for them in the long-term, but I'm just glad to see them both happy. Who cares what anybody else thinks?


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## OnMyOwnat50

TooNice,

I will be 54 in April, and I have been dating a guy who just turned 40 in December. I have two daughters, 26 and 23. He has two kids, 6 and 9. We live in the same neighborhood, and I met him one day while I was out walking my dogs. We’d wave and say hi whenever we ran into each other, but I never gave him much thought because I figured he was quite a bit younger. I came home one night, however, after an evening out to find a note on my door that said “Just in case you’re interested, I am,” and he had signed it and provided his cell phone number. I texted him the next day, and 8 months later, things are really great between us. He doesn’t have family close by, so I haven’t met his family, but he has met my daughters and one of my sisters, and asked the other day when he’s going to meet my parents. I have not met his children yet. Very early on he was adamant that he would not introduce his children to a girlfriend until they had been dating for a year. I respect that, and don’t push him on it. I haven’t met his friends yet and I haven’t introduced him to mine. I asked him if his friends know he is dating an “old lady,” and if so, what they think. He said they are just glad that he is happy and don’t think it’s a big deal. My friends jokingly call him my “boy toy.”

I still wonder why a guy his age would be interested in someone my age. When I first questioned him about it, he said age didn’t matter to him, that he was not interested in having more biological children, and that he had been interested in and attracted to me for over a year. He tells me every day how much he loves me and how thankful he is that I am in his life. He is a wonderful man and a wonderful father, and makes a good living. I am so grateful to have found him. He is so different from the man I had been married to for 25 long and unhappy years (a man who cheated on me and who I eventually left). He shows me that he loves me in so many ways. If I have to work late and can’t get home to walk my dogs, he’ll do it for me. He has twice stayed the weekend with my dogs so that I could get away to the beach with family members for a couple days. He spent hours putting Xmas lights on the trees outside my house this past holiday season, knowing how much I love the lights at Xmas. After a blizzard in our area a week or so ago, he spent hours going back and forth between his place and mine to keep up with the snow and shovel us out. 

Because of our schedules, we don’t go out much, but instead stay home and talk and laugh and cook together. I recently found out that I will lose my job August 1 because my organization is getting out of the book publishing business, and he assured me we will be here for me and we will get through it together. I don’t know what the future holds.... He recently asked me what my daughters would think of having elementary-school-aged siblings.... I’m just taking things one day at a time....


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## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> If you guys click, and there aren't any of those dealbreakers that SARAHMCD mentioned, I think you should go for it. Why not? It may not last long-term--the age difference might prove to be a pretty big hurdle--but it could be very good for the present.


I agree! Why not go with it and see what happens? Now, if he is looking to have kids, then that would be a deal breaker, but otherwise...enjoy and see where it goes!

My second husband was 16 years older than me. The age difference was never an issue in our relationship.


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## MRR

OnMyOwnat50 said:


> TooNice,
> 
> I will be 54 in April, and I have been dating a guy who just turned 40 in December. I have two daughters, 26 and 23. He has two kids, 6 and 9. We live in the same neighborhood, and I met him one day while I was out walking my dogs. We’d wave and say hi whenever we ran into each other, but I never gave him much thought because I figured he was quite a bit younger. I came home one night, however, after an evening out to find a note on my door that said “Just in case you’re interested, I am,” and he had signed it and provided his cell phone number. I texted him the next day, and 8 months later, things are really great between us. He doesn’t have family close by, so I haven’t met his family, but he has met my daughters and one of my sisters, and asked the other day when he’s going to meet my parents. I have not met his children yet. Very early on he was adamant that he would not introduce his children to a girlfriend until they had been dating for a year. I respect that, and don’t push him on it. I haven’t met his friends yet and I haven’t introduced him to mine. I asked him if his friends know he is dating an “old lady,” and if so, what they think. He said they are just glad that he is happy and don’t think it’s a big deal. My friends jokingly call him my “boy toy.”
> 
> I still wonder why a guy his age would be interested in someone my age. When I first questioned him about it, he said age didn’t matter to him, that he was not interested in having more biological children, and that he had been interested in and attracted to me for over a year. He tells me every day how much he loves me and how thankful he is that I am in his life. He is a wonderful man and a wonderful father, and makes a good living. I am so grateful to have found him. He is so different from the man I had been married to for 25 long and unhappy years (a man who cheated on me and who I eventually left). He shows me that he loves me in so many ways. If I have to work late and can’t get home to walk my dogs, he’ll do it for me. He has twice stayed the weekend with my dogs so that I could get away to the beach with family members for a couple days. He spent hours putting Xmas lights on the trees outside my house this past holiday season, knowing how much I love the lights at Xmas. After a blizzard in our area a week or so ago, he spent hours going back and forth between his place and mine to keep up with the snow and shovel us out.
> 
> Because of our schedules, we don’t go out much, but instead stay home and talk and laugh and cook together. I recently found out that I will lose my job August 1 because my organization is getting out of the book publishing business, and he assured me we will be here for me and we will get through it together. I don’t know what the future holds.... He recently asked me what my daughters would think of having elementary-school-aged siblings.... I’m just taking things one day at a time....


Now...wouldnt you rather HAVE this for a period of time rather than decide ahead of time, since you dont fit on paper, that it is not worth the time to see what happens. 

Great story btw.


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## TheGoodGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree! Why not go with it and see what happens? Now, if he is looking to have kids, then that would be a deal breaker, but otherwise...enjoy and see where it goes!
> 
> My second husband was 16 years older than me. The age difference was never an issue in our relationship.


I agree with this. If you guys recall, I dated a girl a couple of years ago that was great in many ways and we clicked very well, but she wanted to start a family of her own and have 4 kids! Nothing wrong with that per say, but I'm at the stage in my life where I want to finish raising D9 and not interested in starting all over again. So I broke it off and we parted ways, since we were obviously heading in different directions in life.

As for the age difference, YG is 7 years older than I am and it doesn't cause any issues for us. Age is just a number though. What matters more is life experiences and knowing where you're heading in life. She is unable to have children and I'm done, so we're a good match.


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## TooNice

You are all awesome. Thank you for your input! 

The child thing is the one barrier I know we couldn't overcome. Aside from that, I'm weirdly content to be with someone in a nice relationship that may be just for now. He's not dated much, so he was not actively looking. I have dated and had such dissatisfaction... I guess my perspective is that it can't hurt to simply enjoy it for awhile. I tend to be the person who shuts things down quickly if I can't see a long term outcome. It's odd that I'm not feeling that way now. 

The more I talk it through, the more at ease I am. He probably needs to do the same, instead of just processing the idea of it in his head. He hasn't asked any of his friends what they would think, or talked to people who have been in similar relationships. I have not heard a single bit of feedback from anyone saying it's weird or wrong. That includes a dear friend who is my age with a son his age! 

I don't know what will happen, but I'm willing to be patient with him for a bit. If spending more time together doesn't make it easier, we will call it, but I hope that's not the case. I think I like this one.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> You are all awesome. Thank you for your input!
> 
> The child thing is the one barrier I know we couldn't overcome. Aside from that, I'm weirdly content to be with someone in a nice relationship that may be just for now. He's not dated much, so he was not actively looking. I have dated and had such dissatisfaction... I guess my perspective is that it can't hurt to simply enjoy it for awhile. I tend to be the person who shuts things down quickly if I can't see a long term outcome. It's odd that I'm not feeling that way now.
> 
> The more I talk it through, the more at ease I am. He probably needs to do the same, instead of just processing the idea of it in his head. He hasn't asked any of his friends what they would think, or talked to people who have been in similar relationships. I have not heard a single bit of feedback from anyone saying it's weird or wrong. That includes a dear friend who is my age with a son his age!
> 
> I don't know what will happen, but I'm willing to be patient with him for a bit. If spending more time together doesn't make it easier, we will call it, but I hope that's not the case. I think I like this one.


I think that's just fine if you guys are on the same page. I forget if you said already, does he have any kids currently and do you?


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## TooNice

TheGoodGuy said:


> I think that's just fine if you guys are on the same page. I forget if you said already, does he have any kids currently and do you?


He does not. I do-one in college.


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## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> He does not. I do-one in college.


That would confirm for me to just see where it goes, because their are no kids currently at home that could get attached and be upset if you guys didn't last long term.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Fk builders srsly... I need this fking venue opened on schedule for my clients otherwise im FKED yet it feels like they are sucking all the money they can get off me before they forfill their end of the fking bargain!

Bah!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheGoodGuy

RD don't you have contingency plans in place for this type of situation? You sound like a successful guy who has had to work though this type of setback before. You got this man
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

It will get done I just cant be fked forking out all this money! It may seem like im being greedy but thats actually part of my fking contigency maintaining my cash reserve.

bah! Ne way about my success its a means to n end for me, im no different from anyone else trying to keep mouths fed
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Anyway, for the record, I hate boasting and this is why -> for every intelligent decision I make, I make 10 other completely retarded ones!!! So I'm stupid and silly as you can see from my attempted sabotages of my relationship with miss pony! My success is due to a combination of having very intelligent individuals as friends, luck, persistence and experience. I am a humble man at heart, and like to keep my feet on the ground, please don't flatter me


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Fk builders srsly... I need this fking venue opened on schedule for my clients otherwise im FKED yet it feels like they are sucking all the money they can get off me before they forfill their end of the fking bargain!
> 
> Bah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Scam !!!!!! Cheats !!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MRR

update-- FWB came over last night. amazing sex, she never disappoints. still did not hear back from heavy texter (and since it has been a week and a half not expecting too-- though people have a way of running into each other around here, even though it good sized city)


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## tripad

MRR said:


> update-- FWB came over last night. amazing sex, she never disappoints. still did not hear back from heavy texter (and since it has been a week and a half not expecting too-- though people have a way of running into each other around here, even though it good sized city)


How would be able to fall for another woman with a fwb with amazing sex ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MRR

I didnt fall for her but we had gone out a few times, see my previous post about how when we did go out, if she could not make a certain time (we both have kids) she would suggest an alternate time and we would work it out to get together; then I basically asked her out to dinner for monday-- got a 'no i have plans' and that was it, then i asked if the weekend would work better as neither of us had our kids-- no, i have plans. No suggestion of alternate time. 

Surprised after her initial-- before we met even-- infatuation with texting me, and then even after we had a quick coffe date, 'meeting you was all i imagined'-- then a couple more dates then...heavy texter texts no more. 

Honestly, nights like last night are fun. great stress reliever. It will either eventually run its course or we will grow closer. I dont know. Last time i was in a real relationship i felt utterly smothered, so finding a balance is really hard. 

Main problem with FWB is...because her divorce and that situation is new and hard for her, she goes hot and cold. If she could be consistently communicative-- not all hours of every day, just not disappear either-- I am more than happy w/ this. We shall see how it plays out.


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## RandomDude

My emotional state is unstable at the moment cant stop thinking about miss pony, thankfully im getting busy so that will keep her off my mind
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MRR

RandomDude said:


> My emotional state is unstable at the moment cant stop thinking about miss pony, thankfully im getting busy so that will keep her off my mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


is what love looks like?


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## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I didnt fall for her but we had gone out a few times, see my previous post about how when we did go out, if she could not make a certain time (we both have kids) she would suggest an alternate time and we would work it out to get together; then I basically asked her out to dinner for monday-- got a 'no i have plans' and that was it, then i asked if the weekend would work better as neither of us had our kids-- no, i have plans. No suggestion of alternate time.
> 
> Surprised after her initial-- before we met even-- infatuation with texting me, and then even after we had a quick coffe date, 'meeting you was all i imagined'-- then a couple more dates then...heavy texter texts no more.
> 
> Honestly, nights like last night are fun. great stress reliever. It will either eventually run its course or we will grow closer. I dont know. Last time i was in a real relationship i felt utterly smothered, so finding a balance is really hard.
> 
> Main problem with FWB is...because her divorce and that situation is new and hard for her, she goes hot and cold. If she could be consistently communicative-- not all hours of every day, just not disappear either-- I am more than happy w/ this. We shall see how it plays out.


It sounds to me like the chemistry wasn't quite there for heavy texter. The first coffee date was strong, but things lost momentum for her later. She might have been getting off on the attention--more the idea of you, than the actual you. It happens. She might have been leaving the door open to see if you might pursue, keeping you as an option.

Sounds like it wasn't a fvck yes for heavy texter.

Have fun with FWB, just stay detached and keep your expectations low until she shows you otherwise.


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## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> My emotional state is unstable at the moment cant stop thinking about miss pony, thankfully im getting busy so that will keep her off my mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> 
> is what love looks like?
Click to expand...

It's what lust and infatuation looks like. RD is getting the butterflies.

Too soon for love. But you can't get to love without all this stuff first...


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## RandomDude

'tis an annoyance, now I cant get rid of them without tearing something up

bah!

Feeling floaty, everytime she texts or calls its like im graced by a soothing breeze... meh not used to it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

Glad to see you gave this girl a chance RD. Hope things work out. She's making all the right moves it seems. I may be wrong but I think the fact you haven't slept with her yet is putting your attraction through the roof. 

Comfort + Attraction ... the makings of an enjoyable relationship


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Lifescript said:


> Glad to see you gave this girl a chance RD. Hope things work out. She's making all the right moves it seems. I may be wrong but I think the fact you haven't slept with her yet is putting your attraction through the roof.
> 
> Comfort + Attraction ... the makings of an enjoyable relationship


Yes yes yes. Relax dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

If I relax, that's when she floods my brain with butterflies and all that crap, going to keep myself busy so there's less room for her to intrude in my brain waves. Besides I don't want to end up falling for her, not yet. We only just started and I'm getting a little too emo too fast for my liking.

Bah!

But 'tis ok, I'll survive, I always do


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> 'tis an annoyance, now I cant get rid of them without tearing something up
> 
> bah!
> 
> *Feeling floaty, everytime she texts or calls its like im graced by a soothing breeze... *meh not used to it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you may have already fallen for her, friend.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> It sounds to me like the chemistry wasn't quite there for heavy texter. The first coffee date was strong, but things lost momentum for her later. She might have been getting off on the attention--more the idea of you, than the actual you. It happens. She might have been leaving the door open to see if you might pursue, keeping you as an option.
> 
> Sounds like it wasn't a fvck yes for heavy texter.
> 
> Have fun with FWB, just stay detached and keep your expectations low until she shows you otherwise.


I think you are right about heavy texter, and to add in there some things we had not gotten into yet, she dated a guy for two years after her divorce, he ended up moving out of state and I am not sure how long it ended. I got a slight feeling that she wasnt ready-- though the texting indicated something else. Could be any number of things but cant worry about it now. 

FWB-- yes, point taken. Kind of a strange route we have taken the last 10 months or so. But...whatever.


----------



## Acoa

MRR said:


> you may have already fallen for her, friend.


May have? 

lol, RD has it bad. 

Good for you RD. Enjoy the high.

Just don't do anything stupid like put a ring on it; or make a baby and there is nothing to be afraid of.


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> I think you are right about heavy texter, and to add in there some things we had not gotten into yet, she dated a guy for two years after her divorce, he ended up moving out of state and I am not sure how long it ended. I got a slight feeling that she wasnt ready-- though the texting indicated something else. Could be any number of things but cant worry about it now.
> 
> FWB-- yes, point taken. Kind of a strange route we have taken the last 10 months or so. But...whatever.


I think your situation with FWB is a good one. Continue to date others though.


----------



## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> May have?
> 
> lol, RD has it bad.
> 
> Good for you RD. Enjoy the high.
> 
> *Just don't do anything stupid like put a ring on it; or make a baby and there is nothing to be afraid of.*


Not right away, anyway. And if you do *eventually* put a ring on it, get a pre-nup!


----------



## MRR

so, making dinner for FWB tuesday. i lost a bet. and i was actually pretty mad about it because i was looking forward to her cooking-- she is very good. 

i wasnt expecting it to happen anytime soon and it could have easily been one of those deals that never actually happen-- depending on her being in one of her cold spells or me having moved on-- so i threw it out there just to gauge if she was really interested. told her she could watch the NH primary results while i cook. her response was a simple yes with a smiley face. so, since we always have fun together, something to look forward too. 

any cooking/recipe suggestions for a not-overly talented bachelor appreciated.


----------



## TooNice

MRR, I am a big fan of Allrecipes.com. Find a recipe that sounds good to you and read the reviews. They never steer me wrong. Just pick and choose the tips you want to use. 

Good luck-sounds like fun!


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> you may have already fallen for her, friend.


Ey? FK NO!

And even if I have I would NEVER admit it 
Especially not to myself!


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Ey? FK NO!
> 
> And even if I have I would NEVER admit it
> Especially not to myself!


Ha 

Gravity is winning here RD  

Slow things down a bit but don't fight it. This is good


----------



## RandomDude

Good? No... I'm out of character, with all these lovey doveys, she's been txting me today, asking about my daughter, that she misses me, etc, bleh!

Wonder if she's got it too... seeing each other next week despite our schedules being hectic. Still waiting for something to go wrong, just can't believe my life is turning around like this.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Ey? FK NO!
> 
> And even if I have I would NEVER admit it
> Especially not to myself!


Once the sex is in , you are hook on her .

It is a good thing to fall in love
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

I saw my younger prospect last night again. So many of our conversations have focused on our age gap, but last night was different, and I liked that. It came up a little, but it wasn't a focus. He's still unsure, but his hesitations are based on what he thinks other people might think. The circle we met in is having a party this weekend. I'm going, and I told him I think he should, too. It would be a good test for him. Because I am fairly certain the world will not screech to a halt if someone we know sees us act like a couple.  He knows I'm right, and thinks he might join me. We will see. I think it would be really good for us both. 

In the meantime, we are "seeing each other". For now. Still much to work through, but we always come back to what do we have to lose. Even if some sadness comes when it ends, we're condident it's worth it.


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> I saw my younger prospect last night again. So many of our conversations have focused on our age gap, but last night was different, and I liked that. It came up a little, but it wasn't a focus. He's still unsure, but his hesitations are based on what he thinks other people might think. The circle we met in is having a party this weekend. I'm going, and I told him I think he should, too. It would be a good test for him. Because I am fairly certain the world will not screech to a halt if someone we know sees us act like a couple.  He knows I'm right, and thinks he might join me. We will see. I think it would be really good for us both.
> 
> In the meantime, we are "seeing each other". For now. Still much to work through, but we always come back to what do we have to lose. Even if some sadness comes when it ends, we're condident it's worth it.


Isn't it turning you off a bit that he cares about what other people think? As long as he's happy that's all that matters. How old is he?


----------



## TooNice

It's not a turnoff, but I am hesitant. He's 25, and he has kind of an intense analytical mind. I'm giving him a chance to see that most people really won't care. Mutual friends will likely be like FIP was with her friends- "oh, good for them!". 

He admits that he worries too much about what others think, and I'm chalking that up to his age and experiences. It may be the thing to end it when the time comes, but I'm giving it a little time for now.


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> It's not a turnoff, but I am hesitant. He's 25, and he has kind of an intense analytical mind. I'm giving him a chance to see that most people really won't care. Mutual friends will likely be like FIP was with her friends- "oh, good for them!".
> 
> He admits that he worries too much about what others think, and I'm chalking that up to his age and experiences. It may be the thing to end it when the time comes, but I'm giving it a little time for now.


Ok. 

Undertandable @ 25. Give it some time and see where it goes. Have fun.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Once the sex is in , you are hook on her .


I'm hoping to get some in a week, but I'm in an awkward position now still that I can't initiate and she has to.

Which means... chances are, I'm staying celibate


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I'm hoping to get some in a week, but I'm in an awkward position now still that I can't initiate and she has to.
> 
> Which means... chances are, I'm staying celibate


It's not going to kill you if you have to wait a little bit longer. If things work out with her, you'll be be getting a steady supply of sex. Don't sweat it. If she's the real deal, then she's worth waiting for.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Is anyone here from (living in now) Montreal or close to Montreal?


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Is anyone here from (living in now) Montreal or close to Montreal?


Planning a trip?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

'


FeministInPink said:


> Planning a trip?


Oui, a cause de mon 52e anniversaire, ont doive faire une petite fete, tout seule, mais encore bonne attitude . 
La prochaine fin-semaine. Il y a une autobus....c'est si simple.

Peut-être que Cupid me trouvera...
N'est pas possible si je reste au chez moi. J'eu une reve, dans laquelle la Shaman me dit, il est necessaire que je me place en un grand et desolee champ ou foret, dans laquelle est apparent que je suis tout seule, ensuite, c'est possible qu'un autre me decouvre.

La Parc Mont Royal en la froid d'hiver....ca suffit. 
Seul un autre fou sera là quand il fait si froid (Approche a zero). Peut-être un fou pour moi, hahaha.


----------



## jld

Bonne chance, numero uno.


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> 'tis an annoyance, now I cant get rid of them without tearing something up
> 
> bah!
> 
> Feeling floaty, everytime she texts or calls its like im graced by a soothing breeze... meh not used to it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cold showers for that.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Friday night I had an almost 2 hour phone conversation with someone from eHarmony that I was matched with this week. Last night we talked for 5 1/2 hours, until 4AM .

I don't even like talking on the phone.

It's freaking me out a bit, but I really want to get to know this man. I just don't think I'm ready. 

Back in October I accidentally signed up for eHarmony for a full year. (I meant to do a month so I could read a message I got after looking around on one of their free weekends). It's sortof a ghost town, which became quite fine for me since I wasn't looking. But now that there's someone interesting, it terrifies me.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> '
> 
> Oui, a cause de mon 52e anniversaire, ont doive faire une petite fete, tout seule, mais encore bonne attitude .
> La prochaine fin-semaine. Il y a une autobus....c'est si simple.
> 
> Peut-être que Cupid me trouvera...
> N'est pas possible si je reste au chez moi. J'eu une reve, dans laquelle la Shaman me dit, il est necessaire que je me place en un grand et desolee champ ou foret, dans laquelle est apparent que je suis tout seule, ensuite, c'est possible qu'un autre me decouvre.
> 
> La Parc Mont Royal en la froid d'hiver....ca suffit.
> Seul un autre fou sera là quand il fait si froid (Approche a zero). Peut-être un fou pour moi, hahaha.


Wow, I actually understood most of that. The last time I used French was 16 years ago in college.

Happy birthday, and bon voyage!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> Friday night I had an almost 2 hour phone conversation with someone from eHarmony that I was matched with this week. Last night we talked for 5 1/2 hours, until 4AM .
> 
> I don't even like talking on the phone.
> 
> It's freaking me out a bit, but I really want to get to know this man. I just don't think I'm ready.
> 
> Back in October I accidentally signed up for eHarmony for a full year. (I meant to do a month so I could read a message I got after looking around on one of their free weekends). It's sortof a ghost town, which became quite fine for me since I wasn't looking. But now that there's someone interesting, it terrifies me.


OMG. I would be leery of spending so much time on the phone with someone I hadn't met yet. Yes, I would be freaked out too. Even EH advice is to only spend about 20 minutes on the phone, and to use some of that time to set a date to meet in person. 

They strongly advise not to bond over electronic media or phone, and I personally think this is sound advice. 

I got too close to a guy I was going to meet. Corresponded for a couple weeks. Then he told me he hasn't got over a Chinese girlfriend he broke up with in November when she got denied for a visa. Apparently he'd just been to see her three times. Sigh. I'm not sure that's the kind of person I'd want to be involved with, it seems a bit obsessive and just some kind of setting himself up to bond with someone any person of our age (50's) could have reasonably foreseen major problems with being in the same place at the same time. Not to mention using a LD relationship as some kind of method to avoid being present in one's day to day life. I don't really think it was the woman in China, I think it was that I said something about not emailing every day, because we belong in our lives, and that we would meet soon anyhow. I might have inadvertently addressed a big relationship fear...oh wow, you mean I (meaning him) will have to spend time with you in real life and have some kind of day to day interaction. Ummmm, yah. And sometimes it's messy. Get over it.


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> Friday night I had an almost 2 hour phone conversation with someone from eHarmony that I was matched with this week. Last night we talked for 5 1/2 hours, until 4AM .
> 
> I don't even like talking on the phone.
> 
> It's freaking me out a bit, but I really want to get to know this man. I just don't think I'm ready.
> 
> Back in October I accidentally signed up for eHarmony for a full year. (I meant to do a month so I could read a message I got after looking around on one of their free weekends). It's sortof a ghost town, which became quite fine for me since I wasn't looking. But now that there's someone interesting, it terrifies me.


Beware of scammers who want to bond electronically just to ask you to send money to them . one tried that on me , after texting over 5 days . crazy dude .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Beware of scammers who want to bond electronically just to ask you to send money to them . one tried that on me , after texting over 5 days . crazy dude .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree, a friend told me yesterday over dinner about a friend of hers who got hooked that way.
She thinks that the other friend lost about 5K, apparently the guy had some story about working offshore and not being able to make a connecting flight through London due to something about taxes. Really, a guy with that kind of cash wouldn't want to be like, ummm, flying to NH. Get real. 

Sometimes I think that there are competitions amongst men who are stationed on rigs and in remote areas, to just use their spare down time seeing who can scam the most women out of the most money. They probably don't even need it. Or those are the men whose data can be most valuable...I think in the western world we just have a prejudice against the ability of people in third world countries who might have more command of the English language than we do, understand human nature a whole lot better, and are able to construct a narrative (and have time to do so) much better than real prospects. I mean, come on, just deconstruct some Harlequin or Danielle Steele classics and you're good to go. 

Stateside, some scammers just need a place to hide out from the law, or people who want to collect money from them. Or to know where you live so information can be sold. This is the most sinister...when you get along with someone and give them too much information, and then they kind of disappear or have some concocted reason to disappear...and they have name, address, telephone, maybe some names of your relatives or pets...that's valuable information in the data/credit world.

Everyone who does any kind of dating (and actually everyone) should have identity and credit theft protection, and make sure your banks have security procedures for avoiding fraud.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I agree, a friend told me yesterday over dinner about a friend of hers who got hooked that way.
> She thinks that the other friend lost about 5K, apparently the guy had some story about working offshore and not being able to make a connecting flight through London due to something about taxes. Really, a guy with that kind of cash wouldn't want to be like, ummm, flying to NH. Get real.
> 
> Sometimes I think that there are competitions amongst men who are stationed on rigs and in remote areas, to just use their spare down time seeing who can scam the most women out of the most money. They probably don't even need it. Or those are the men whose data can be most valuable...I think in the western world we just have a prejudice against the ability of people in third world countries who might have more command of the English language than we do, understand human nature a whole lot better, and are able to construct a narrative (and have time to do so) much better than real prospects. I mean, come on, just deconstruct some Harlequin or Danielle Steele classics and you're good to go.
> 
> Stateside, some scammers just need a place to hide out from the law, or people who want to collect money from them. Or to know where you live so information can be sold. This is the most sinister...when you get along with someone and give them too much information, and then they kind of disappear or have some concocted reason to disappear...and they have name, address, telephone, maybe some names of your relatives or pets...that's valuable information in the data/credit world.
> 
> Everyone who does any kind of dating (and actually everyone) should have identity and credit theft protection, and make sure your banks have security procedures for avoiding fraud.


Scary stuff!

I definitely do not think that's the case here, but will be careful! He told me his last name and I Googled him and everything jives. But, I'm not stupid either . 

I personally require a much higher level of conversation than Danielle Steel or Harlequin so I'd hope I'd be able to see through that!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> Scary stuff!
> 
> I definitely do not think that's the case here, but will be careful! He told me his last name and I Googled him and everything jives. But, I'm not stupid either .
> 
> I personally require a much higher level of conversation than Danielle Steel or Harlequin so I'd hope I'd be able to see through that!


That's true. But it's also very easy for someone with a real identity to be acquiring and selling personal information. 

I didn't mean a story line from a romance, I meant knowing the small things that can add up to some kind of feeling in a woman. Being engaged in a long conversation is really difficult...even job interviews typically don't last that long without a break. It's also easy to lose track of what information you've given out to someone you haven't yet met in person. "Pas prudent" as the song goes. 

Your guy is probably just a little clueless about phone etiquette, and you liked him so much you forgave him. But be careful of euphoria of connection. If you set a precedent for giving him so much of your time, you will find it difficult to explore other options, which you should be doing with online dating. 

The guys I talk to, it's a given we are in contact with others, some of whom we meet, others whom we don't. Everyone's on the same page wanting the best for themselves so it doesn't devolve into some kind of competitive pi**ing match. People are polite and don't try to dominate your time, and the same courtesy is also given in return.


----------



## RandomDude

Gotta love a good day at work, when we are on top of things and walking on water instead of being neck deep in it. Should be able to relax again without too much stress, thanks to my team, don't have to stress out too much with operations management as they seem to have learnt alot so far. Very proud of them, I expect the best and I give the best with them so I'm going to have to reward their hard work.

Kicking ass at the moment, ah the taste of success


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Gotta love a good day at work, when we are on top of things and walking on water instead of being neck deep in it. Should be able to relax again without too much stress, thanks to my team, don't have to stress out too much with operations management as they seem to have learnt alot so far. Very proud of them, I expect the best and I give the best with them so I'm going to have to reward their hard work.
> 
> Kicking ass at the moment, ah the taste of success


Sounds like it's time for a work party.


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> I'm hoping to get some in a week, but I'm in an awkward position now still that I can't initiate and she has to.
> 
> Which means... chances are, I'm staying celibate


I would still initiate it in a positive manner. But that's me. In situations like this, it helps if sex is the guy's "fault".


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm hoping to get some in a week, but I'm in an awkward position now still that I can't initiate and she has to.
> 
> Which means... chances are, I'm staying celibate
> 
> 
> 
> I would still initiate it in a positive manner. But that's me. In situations like this, it helps if sex is the guy's "fault".
Click to expand...

Why does it have to be a thing about who initiates? Just have fun making out, and... see how far it goes.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You really like her, and she likes you. It's going to happen at some point, it's just a question of how long. If this is the real deal, you can wait a little longer. It's not going to kill you.

To put it another way, unless she's a virgin, she's already decided if she's going to sleep with you. But even if she's already decided, she still has a self-determined mandatory waiting period. And that's not going to change. If she wants to wait two months, there's nothing that you can do to convince her otherwise--you're waiting two months. (If she says she wants to wait, and you convince her to sleep with you on the third date, then she doesn't actually have a long waiting period--her waiting period is three dates, she just doesn't want to admit it.)

So you can try to push for the sex, but if you haven't reached the end of the waiting period, it won't do you much good. You'll just frustrated, and she'll get irritated and feel like you're not respecting her.

So have fun fooling around, and just see how far she lets you go. And once you've reached the end of the waiting period, you'll get the sex.

But do NOT ask her what her mandatory waiting period is. That's almost a surefire way to get it extended. You just have to accept that you won't know, until you know.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Why does it have to be a thing about who initiates? Just have fun making out, and... see how far it goes.
> 
> I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You really like her, and she likes you. It's going to happen at some point, it's just a question of how long. If this is the real deal, you can wait a little longer. It's not going to kill you.
> 
> To put it another way, unless she's a virgin, she's already decided if she's going to sleep with you. But even if she's already decided, she still has a self-determined mandatory waiting period. And that's not going to change. If she wants to wait two months, there's nothing that you can do to convince her otherwise--you're waiting two months. (If she says she wants to wait, and you convince her to sleep with you on the third date, then she doesn't actually have a long waiting period--her waiting period is three dates, she just doesn't want to admit it.)
> 
> So you can try to push for the sex, but if you haven't reached the end of the waiting period, it won't do you much good. You'll just frustrated, and she'll get irritated and feel like you're not respecting her.
> 
> So have fun fooling around, and just see how far she lets you go. And once you've reached the end of the waiting period, you'll get the sex.
> 
> But do NOT ask her what her mandatory waiting period is. That's almost a surefire way to get it extended. You just have to accept that you won't know, until you know.


Why does there have to be a 'mandatory waiting period'? If I had even an inkling of a feeling that a woman wanted to sleep with me and would not due to a 'mandatory waiting period', I would not be impressed. That feels like a game, or using sex as a tool in the relationship. 

I get the turn off of her not wanting to and him getting irritated-- not cool. But if they both want to and she just wont b/c of some arbitrary waiting period-- well that is a red flag. Especially if it is months. I would definitely have moved on. 

And I agree about who initiates...my point is just that if he is going to purposely NOT initiate (similar to the mandatory waiting period- he WANTS to but he is going to wait for her to anyway)-- well, he will likely be waiting a while. Most women, especially younger, will want it to be the man's fault. It's true. If she feels safe and attracted she wont make it difficult, but it is rare a woman will be aggressive in initiating the first time it happens between two people. Plus, many women like to be led down that road. 

Making out and having fun is a great way to start. If the kissing is good, then it should probably get her going and the touching would likely be welcome. I can say there are some women I can kiss for a very long time and just enjoy that.


----------



## Satya

A waiting period is not a game or a tool, it is a boundary. 

And it's OK if it doesn't meet your own. It just means you won't be compatible most likely. I dated a man for 8 months that waited 4 months to have sex with me. He was no pressure, I had a boundary, we happened to work for a lovely 8 months. The sex was wonderful and tender. We were not meant to be, but I wasn't playing a game. I was looking out for my personal values and morals as any woman would. Just as a person not wanting to wait beyond 3 dates for sex would be looking out for his/hers.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, do you guys remember when I said that I wouldn't want to date someone who was more than a few years older than me? 

I might be eating my words now.

I'm a member of a notorious *cough* kinky *cough* social media site, and a few days ago I received the best EVER--LITERALLY EVER--intro message from a guy on said site, and this social media site isn't even a dating site. (Though, for obvious reasons, a lot of people do use it as a way to meet other people in the kinky community and sometimes find a partner.) 

We've been conversing a few days, and over the course of the conversation, I learned that he is older than my previously established age range, by about 10 years. He's 52... 16 yrs older than myself. And he does look younger than 52--he could pass for early-40s. He's not to-die-for handsome, but he has a pleasant look, and he might be more attractive in person--and he works out, runs several miles a couple days a week, so he's in shape, and he has a full head of hair  (And, TBH, I'm more of a sapiophile anyway... looks only do so much for me--but I do like hair to play with.)

On the other hand, I'm seeing a lot in him that I like. He's very intelligent (MA & PhD, finishing a second MA and looking to get a second PhD), his kids are grown--and he doesn't want any more, the conversation has been smart and engaging, and while he hasn't pushed the topic of sex, it's been established from the initial exchange that our preferences are compatible. He's been courteous, mature, and engaging--but not so charming that I'm suspicious.

So I'm intrigued, and I'm curious to see where this goes. He's made it clear that he's not looking for a fling, or a fly-by-night sort of thing. We're having our first Skype chat tonight.

I'm not investing too much at this point, but as I said, I am curious.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Why does there have to be a 'mandatory waiting period'? If I had even an inkling of a feeling that a woman wanted to sleep with me and would not due to a 'mandatory waiting period', I would not be impressed. That feels like a game, or using sex as a tool in the relationship.
> 
> I get the turn off of her not wanting to and him getting irritated-- not cool. But if they both want to and she just wont b/c of some arbitrary waiting period-- well that is a red flag. Especially if it is months. I would definitely have moved on.
> 
> And I agree about who initiates...my point is just that if he is going to purposely NOT initiate (similar to the mandatory waiting period- he WANTS to but he is going to wait for her to anyway)-- well, he will likely be waiting a while. Most women, especially younger, will want it to be the man's fault. It's true. If she feels safe and attracted she wont make it difficult, but it is rare a woman will be aggressive in initiating the first time it happens between two people. Plus, many women like to be led down that road.
> 
> Making out and having fun is a great way to start. If the kissing is good, then it should probably get her going and the touching would likely be welcome. I can say there are some women I can kiss for a very long time and just enjoy that.


Like @Satya said, it's not a game, it's a boundary. It's a limit, it's not using sex as a tool. If anything, it's a good way to separate the wheat form the chaffe, to identify who wants you for _you_, and who just wants you for your pvssy. 

And the mandatory waiting period is for _her_. It really has absolutely nothing to do with him. She may want to make sure that she's ready to be vulnerable in such a fashion. She may know that she wants to sleep with him, but she wants to make sure she wants a relationship with him. She may want to get to know him better before he lets him fvck her.

Whatever her reasons, those are her boundaries. And if you can't respect them, then you're not the guy for her anyway.

It's only a game if she says she wants to wait 2 months, only to see how much he pushes, and she ends up sleeping with him on the third date. That girl, her boundary is three dates, but there are a bigger red flags in that hypothetical than her sex boundaries.


----------



## MRR

Satya said:


> A waiting period is not a game or a tool, it is a boundary.
> 
> And it's OK if it doesn't meet your own. It just means you won't be compatible most likely. I dated a man for 8 months that waited 4 months to have sex with me. He was no pressure, I had a boundary, we happened to work for a lovely 8 months. The sex was wonderful and tender. We were not meant to be, but I wasn't playing a game. I was looking out for my personal values and morals as any woman would. Just as a person not wanting to wait beyond 3 dates for sex would be looking out for his/hers.


Ill tell you right now that it can definitely come across as someone using sex or holding it over you and since it happens so often, and since my ex wife was like that, if I got the feeling she was doing that I would definitely NOT be interested. If she just didn't want to have sex yet that is one thing and I would never pressure someone to do something they would not want to do, but to just arbitrarily choose a number of days or weeks or months, no thanks. If you find someone ok with it that's fine.


----------



## FeministInPink

Satya said:


> A waiting period is not a game or a tool, it is a boundary.
> 
> And it's OK if it doesn't meet your own. It just means you won't be compatible most likely. I dated a man for 8 months that waited 4 months to have sex with me. He was no pressure, I had a boundary, we happened to work for a lovely 8 months. The sex was wonderful and tender. We were not meant to be, but I wasn't playing a game. I was looking out for my personal values and morals as any woman would. Just as a person not wanting to wait beyond 3 dates for sex would be looking out for his/hers.


 @Satya, what are you doing in this neck o' the woods? You're not single!


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Ill tell you right now that it can definitely come across as someone using sex or holding it over you and since it happens so often, and since my ex wife was like that, if I got the feeling she was doing that I would definitely NOT be interested. If she just didn't want to have sex yet that is one thing and I would never pressure someone to do something they would not want to do, * but to just arbitrarily choose a number of days or weeks or months,* no thanks. If you find someone ok with it that's fine.


Unless the woman is a slave to convention, the waiting period isn't arbitrarily chosen. It's chosen based on the woman's personal expectations and desires for that particular relationship, and what her personal boundaries are. It's not done to punish the guy. It's not "holding it over him" or using sex as a weapon or a way to control him.

Some other people might refer to is as "waiting until the moment is right." Does that terminology work better for you?


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Like @Satya said, it's not a game, it's a boundary. It's a limit, it's not using sex as a tool. If anything, it's a good way to separate the wheat form the chaffe, to identify who wants you for _you_, and who just wants you for your pvssy.
> 
> And the mandatory waiting period is for _her_. It really has absolutely nothing to do with him. She may want to make sure that she's ready to be vulnerable in such a fashion. She may know that she wants to sleep with him, but she wants to make sure she wants a relationship with him. She may want to get to know him better before he lets him fvck her.
> 
> Whatever her reasons, those are her boundaries. And if you can't respect them, then you're not the guy for her anyway.
> 
> It's only a game if she says she wants to wait 2 months, only to see how much he pushes, and she ends up sleeping with him on the third date. That girl, her boundary is three dates, but there are a bigger red flags in that hypothetical than her sex boundaries.


Yeah, ummm, again. Agree to disagree. That sounds like a woman who is going to be difficult and full of drama. 

Setting rules like that will be received ok by a guy without other options typically (though not really happily even if he seems it), and one who does will consider it playing games. 

I could see it in RD's girl because she seems young but the women I date are around 40 usually and if they have already decided they want to sleep with me, as long as I don't basically talk them out of it, they will. 

If you're mandatory waiting period is 3 dates (in your mind) that is to be expected anyway because I would not expect you to sleep with someone you don't really know (if you are 'dating' people with the intention of getting to know them rather than just looking for sex). 

In any case, this is definitely a 'rule'. Don't text or call right away. Don't be the first one to say you enjoyed the date. Don't text her more than 2x in a row without a text back. 

RD appears to have one where it is the woman's job to text him after a date to tell him how much she enjoyed it. Games.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> So, do you guys remember when I said that I wouldn't want to date someone who was more than a few years older than me?
> 
> I might be eating my words now.
> 
> I'm a member of a notorious *cough* kinky *cough* social media site, and a few days ago I received the best EVER--LITERALLY EVER--intro message from a guy on said site, and this social media site isn't even a dating site. (Though, for obvious reasons, a lot of people do use it as a way to meet other people in the kinky community and sometimes find a partner.)
> 
> We've been conversing a few days, and over the course of the conversation, I learned that he is older than my previously established age range, by about 10 years. He's 52... 16 yrs older than myself. And he does look younger than 52--he could pass for early-40s. He's not to-die-for handsome, but he has a pleasant look, and he might be more attractive in person--and he works out, runs several miles a couple days a week, so he's in shape, and he has a full head of hair  (And, TBH, I'm more of a sapiophile anyway... looks only do so much for me--but I do like hair to play with.)
> 
> On the other hand, I'm seeing a lot in him that I like. He's very intelligent (MA & PhD, finishing a second MA and looking to get a second PhD), his kids are grown--and he doesn't want any more, the conversation has been smart and engaging, and while he hasn't pushed the topic of sex, it's been established from the initial exchange that our preferences are compatible. He's been courteous, mature, and engaging--but not so charming that I'm suspicious.
> 
> So I'm intrigued, and I'm curious to see where this goes. He's made it clear that he's not looking for a fling, or a fly-by-night sort of thing. We're having our first Skype chat tonight.
> 
> I'm not investing too much at this point, but as I said, I am curious.


Well, this is interesting. I am going to be 52 someday.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Oh my goodness. If you're going to have sex with someone, or want to, discuss it during one of your dates during the get-to-know you phase. If you can't do that, you don't have the kind of relationship where it's really going to matter when and if you had sex, because it's not going to last long, and if it does, you are setting the bar very low for discussions about desires and vulnerabilities. SOME people LIKE getting all worked up with the frustration of pretending they can't have such a discussion, and obsessing over when and if it will happen, because it feeds the fire. I guess a discussion is too easy, and feels like it takes something out of the chase. If you like the chase, then it will happen, if the woman is for you. (Same applies to opposite genders.) It's not like a restaurant menu, where when you want it it's going to be served up pronto. There's still enough mystery left, just within a mature relationship.


----------



## MRR

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Oh my goodness. If you're going to have sex with someone, or want to, discuss it during one of your dates during the get-to-know you phase. If you can't do that, you don't have the kind of relationship where it's really going to matter when and if you had sex, because it's not going to last long, and if it does, you are setting the bar very low for discussions about desires and vulnerabilities. SOME people LIKE getting all worked up with the frustration of pretending they can't have such a discussion, and obsessing over when and if it will happen, because it feeds the fire. I guess a discussion is too easy, and feels like it takes something out of the chase. If you like the chase, then it will happen, if the woman is for you. (Same applies to opposite genders.) It's not like a restaurant menu, where when you want it it's going to be served up pronto. There's still enough mystery left, just within a mature relationship.



Are you suggesting that Random Dude have this discussion with pony tail girl?


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I'm a member of a notorious *cough* kinky *cough* social media site,


Are on on fetlife.com too??


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Are on on fetlife.com too??


Are YOU on FetLife too???


----------



## MRR

I have never heard of this but I WANT to be on it. 

I dont have a fetish though. Or maybe I do. Can you all give me some ideas of a fetish I could possibly have?


----------



## Acoa

MRR said:


> I have never heard of this but I WANT to be on it.
> 
> I dont have a fetish though. Or maybe I do. Can you all give me some ideas of a fetish I could possibly have?


Nasolingus?


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I have never heard of this but I WANT to be on it.
> 
> I dont have a fetish though. Or maybe I do. Can you all give me some ideas of a fetish I could possibly have?


Are you kinky? Into BDSM? If not, you might not want to be on it. There are some things there that you can never unsee...


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Well, this is interesting. I am going to be 52 someday.


Yeah, I wasn't expecting it. We'll see how it goes. I usually automatically rule out anyone more than 5-6 yrs my senior so...


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Are YOU on FetLife too???


Yes I am. My fwb actually introduced me to some fetishes.... It's an interesting site but I haven't talked with anyone that I have found physically attractive......

It's a shame cuz I need a replacement when fwb completely stops. Thought it was over but I don't say no when he wants to hookup.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, I wasn't expecting it. We'll see how it goes. I usually automatically rule out anyone more than 5-6 yrs my senior so...


Ooh and I was going to go out with a 53 yr old. I'm 35. Don't think it's a big deal especially if he acts more your age. 

I didn't go out with him though cuz he showed up at my house prior to our scheduled date when I was supposed to be at work and not at the house (I just happened to be running late that day)

Needless to say I cancelled the date and don't plan on seeing him again. Too bad he knows where I live 

ETA: this was NOT an online date, knew the guy for a good 6+ months as an acquaintance


----------



## Satya

FeministInPink said:


> @Satya, what are you doing in this neck o' the woods? You're not single!


Sorry, I started to respond more to the post itself and then realized what forum it was in.... And then responded anyway.  

I always lurk, less frequently than I once did perhaps (that goes for all the forums), but do lurk, nonetheless!


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes I am. My fwb actually introduced me to some fetishes.... It's an interesting site but I haven't talked with anyone that I have found physically attractive......
> 
> It's a shame cuz I need a replacement when fwb completely stops. Thought it was over but I don't say no when he wants to hookup.


JDawg introduced me to the site. JDawg was the first non-vanilla guy that I FINALLY go to try out some stuff, but sadly that ended too soon. If he and the chick he's seeing now broke up, I probably wouldn't say no if he wanted to hook up again (he confirmed that we would still be getting busy if he hadn't started seeing her).

I've talked to a few people, but not much has happened yet. One guy said he was going to send me some pics, but he hasn't come through yet (that was a couple days ago), and he's fallen strangely quiet. One guy was very interested in me as a secondary, but that's not my interest. One guy nearby, we'd been exchanging emails for over a month, he wasn't interested in anything serious, but we were having fun talking, and I thought, well, maybe I could try this fwb thing again, and the minute it enters my head... he disappears off the face of the planet.

There is one local guy... I haven't interacted with him at all, but he RSVP'ed for a primary seekers happy hour, and I decided to go because I thought it would be fun to meet him (it was a small group), and then he was the one person on the RSVP list who didn't show. And then I swear to god, I walked past him on the street walking home from the Metro after work. I just about lost it. I'm debating if I should just send him a rando message. 

I sent you a PM so you can friend me.



vi_bride04 said:


> Ooh and I was going to go out with a 53 yr old. I'm 35. Don't think it's a big deal especially if he acts more your age.
> 
> I didn't go out with him though cuz he showed up at my house prior to our scheduled date when I was supposed to be at work and not at the house (I just happened to be running late that day)
> 
> Needless to say I cancelled the date and don't plan on seeing him again. Too bad he knows where I live


Yikes, that is CREEPY!!!! I hope he doesn't show up again.

This guy, he doesn't act MY age, but I don't think he acts 52 either. Somewhere comfortable in-between. But he's an academic (a philosophy/ethics prof for many, many years), and academics are in another class entirely. So we shall see--they are used to socializing with people younger than themselves.


----------



## FeministInPink

Satya said:


> Sorry, I started to respond more to the post itself and then realized what forum it was in.... And then responded anyway.
> 
> I always lurk, less frequently than I once did perhaps (that goes for all the forums), but do lurk, nonetheless!


I don't mind! We get visitors from the other side from time to time


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> ETA: this was NOT an online date, knew the guy for a good 6+ months as an acquaintance


 Still creepy.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

MRR said:


> Yeah, ummm, again. Agree to disagree. That sounds like a woman who is going to be difficult and full of drama.
> 
> Setting rules like that will be received ok by a guy without other options typically (though not really happily even if he seems it), and one who does will consider it playing games.
> 
> I could see it in RD's girl because she seems young but the women I date are around 40 usually and if they have already decided they want to sleep with me, as long as I don't basically talk them out of it, they will.
> 
> If you're mandatory waiting period is 3 dates (in your mind) that is to be expected anyway because I would not expect you to sleep with someone you don't really know (if you are 'dating' people with the intention of getting to know them rather than just looking for sex).
> 
> In any case, this is definitely a 'rule'. Don't text or call right away. Don't be the first one to say you enjoyed the date. Don't text her more than 2x in a row without a text back.
> 
> RD appears to have one where it is the woman's job to text him after a date to tell him how much she enjoyed it. Games.


We all have the right to wait to have sex with new partners, women OR men, and that should be respected.


----------



## Acoa

3Xnocharm said:


> We all have the right to wait to have sex with new partners, women OR men, and that should be respected.



Agreed, although if you put out a hold signal, when you are ready you need to give a green light. If you wait too long things can go cold. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> Unless the woman is a slave to convention, the waiting period isn't arbitrarily chosen. It's chosen based on the woman's personal expectations and desires for that particular relationship, and what her personal boundaries are. It's not done to punish the guy. It's not "holding it over him" or using sex as a weapon or a way to control him.
> 
> Some other people might refer to is as "waiting until the moment is right." Does that terminology work better for you?


I never thought it had anything to do with time. I just think some women (well, people) like to give things a certain amount of time. It probably depends how well you get to know one another more than it does how many weeks or dates have passed.

If you don't display any red flags, and check enough of her desirable man ticky boxes, then she'll be willing to get more intimate.

However, implying to her that she has a mandatory waiting period or set number of dates before she'll put out may be a red flag.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> @Satya, what are you doing in this neck o' the woods? You're not single!


Wait.. Does that mean that since I have a steady I'm not allowed to partake in the singles discussions? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

So, the 52-year-old from the *_cough_* kinky *_cough_* social media site and I had a Google Hangouts video chat this evening. 

I'm inclined to say that he is very nice, but also rather... dull. I don't see this going anywhere romantic.

He also mentioned that he signed up for the site because, "the last few girls I connected were into this stuff, so I figured I'd have a better chance of connecting with someone on here, rather than through a regular dating site." (Read between the lines: "I'm not really kinky myself, but if you're into me, I'll do that because it's what you like." Which isn't inherently bad, but it's also not... really... what... I'm looking for.) 

I was also dismayed that he didn't remember what we had talked about... "I talk to so many people on here that I have a hard time keeping track of who said what." Bad move, bro.

And he spent too much time talking about why his marriage ended, and how he was a rising philosophy star, and his divorce ruined his career, and All. This. Stuff. How it was so hard to work through, and that he's been dealing with it for a long time, and he still is, sometimes. And I'm like... dude, it's been Ten. Fvckin. Years. Move ON. And how there have been so many dating disasters...

He did mention that he is very open. Which is too say, he is way too open. All the baggage, right there out in front.

No... this isn't going to happen. I thought, he's out of the age range, but what the heck, I'll give him a chance, maybe he blows my socks off. But I was quite underwhelmed.


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> Wait.. Does that mean that since I have a steady I'm not allowed to partake in the singles discussions?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, you are banished until you are single again!

Just kidding :grin2:

But why would you want to hang out with all us single losers now that you have a steady girl?!?


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Sounds like it's time for a work party.


Haha, yeah, in 6 months, when we finally quiet down 

Going flat out now, I have barely time for myself with daughter and miss pony now, makes me wonder if I bit off more than I can chew. Still, more work, more hours, more pay for the team and everyone is happy including my shareholders.


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway as for initiating with miss pony, I normally initiate with touches, now my touches are very conservative in accordance to the boundaries she established on date #2

So I'm not going to initiate, as that's my primary - and ONLY method I use to initiate. I never ask for sex, I never even mention it when dealing with females - I let it happen naturally but since I was rejected via my method it's up to her now.

Meh, if she doesn't initiate what can I do?


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Anyway as for initiating with miss pony, I normally initiate with touches, now my touches are very conservative in accordance to the boundaries she established on date #2
> 
> So I'm not going to initiate, as that's my primary - and ONLY method I use to initiate. I never ask for sex, I never even mention it when dealing with females - I let it happen naturally but since I was rejected via my method it's up to her now.
> 
> Meh, if she doesn't initiate what can I do?


If it doesn't work the first time, try again. 

I think if you initiate now it will go your way. 

Go for it bruh.


----------



## MoUnit

So, I will admit I have been stalking this thread from the beginning when muskrat started it. OK, i know that sounds weird...let me restate that; I stumbled upon this thread when I knew I was getting divorced (7 months ago). I decided I was going to read this thread from beginning to end (like a novel)- I started reading it 7 months ago-I have been inspired and educated about dating and advice that can come over the internet. 
I am not a fast reader, so I am still reading posts from July 2014, lol. I feel like I know some of you already! Looking forward to some good advice on how to deal with life and dating after divorce.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> If it doesn't work the first time, try again.
> 
> I think if you initiate now it will go your way.
> 
> Go for it bruh.


Got a plan, to make it easy for her to initiate, if she would like to...

Pretty much plan to just "oops" with my touches whenever we get carried away with making out and watch her reaction from there. If she's interested, she would respond with my "oops" with a green light. If not, then I know she's not interested, but I should be able to get away with my "oops" if timed right 

Running out of cards to play... but opportunity is there -> taking full advantage of valentine's day and the release of lovey dovey pheromones during this period too hehe

... =/

Or not, meh


----------



## SecondTime'Round

MoUnit said:


> So, I will admit I have been stalking this thread from the beginning when muskrat started it. OK, i know that sounds weird...let me restate that; I stumbled upon this thread when I knew I was getting divorced (7 months ago). I decided I was going to read this thread from beginning to end (like a novel)- I started reading it 7 months ago-I have been inspired and educated about dating and advice that can come over the internet.
> I am not a fast reader, so I am still reading posts from July 2014, lol. I feel like I know some of you already! Looking forward to some good advice on how to deal with life and dating after divorce.


Wow, that's a lot of reading!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Anyway as for initiating with miss pony, I normally initiate with touches, now my touches are very conservative in accordance to the boundaries she established on date #2
> 
> So I'm not going to initiate, as that's my primary - and ONLY method I use to initiate. I never ask for sex, I never even mention it when dealing with females - I let it happen naturally but since I was rejected via my method it's up to her now.
> 
> Meh, if she doesn't initiate what can I do?


You can change what you think about yourself and how you act, and stop saying the word never. How can you know, since you are not done being formed yet, and your life hasn't come to a conclusion...this never narrative is untrue. As with all evolved beings, you will adapt and be flexible to the situation. It's in your genes. The world does not change so that you can be static. It won't change who you are, to be adaptable to the situation. Our bodies cannot adapt as quickly as necessary for the world, but our minds are infinitely adaptable, that's why we have them. Also you are not dealing with 'females' you are being a part of what's made by two people, there is both a female and a male involved, but that's a long ways from 'dealing with females'. 

For someone who can create an empire from scratch, you can apply this to your relationship. There are many ways to skin a cat, intentional reference to 'strip a pu**y' here I suppose...(me and my love of semantic humor....many many apologies to all of us ladies and sensitive men...)


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Got a plan, to make it easy for her to initiate, if she would like to...
> 
> Pretty much plan to just "oops" with my touches whenever we get carried away with making out and watch her reaction from there. If she's interested, she would respond with my "oops" with a green light. If not, then I know she's not interested, but I should be able to get away with my "oops" if timed right
> 
> Running out of cards to play... but opportunity is there -> taking full advantage of valentine's day and the release of lovey dovey pheromones during this period too hehe
> 
> ... =/
> 
> Or not, meh


You go right ahead, that's the same as telling her you didn't listen to her, have no self-control, and moreover believe that she's stupid and doesn't know her own mind. I think it will be a total fail and ruin her Valentine's Day. (Maybe that's what you're trying to do...remember LAST YEAR....arghhhhhhh.) Don't do it, take her out somewhere nice, like a hot tub and sauna spa, treat her to a dinner and a massage therapist, and entertain your fantasies, but don't touch where you were asked not to. You should give a woman the small things she asked for, and give them on a silver platter, not put something you value in a trash can and dump it over her head for good measure.


----------



## MRR

3Xnocharm said:


> We all have the right to wait to have sex with new partners, women OR men, and that should be respected.


It is totally respected; I would never want someone to do something they are not comfortable with, however I would just take it as -- she is not into me, or just wants to be friends, and move on. I certainly would not consider them 'partners' if they do not want to have sex. 

If she literally tells me she feels safe, comfortable and attracted and she just doesnt want to, again I would feel she is just being nice and actually is NOT attracted. I guess I prefer a person who would go with what feels right. 

And FIP, when you say when it feels right, that is definitely my style. The other sounds like pre-determined and unnatural-- such as the dating 'games' I noted before. 

And RD-- you seem to have some pretty rigid rules. From what I have read, if she doesnt text you right after the date that is a red flag? Some women need space after dates to reflect and remember and appreciate. 

Just some thoughts.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> So, the 52-year-old from the *_cough_* kinky *_cough_* social media site and I had a Google Hangouts video chat this evening.
> 
> I'm inclined to say that he is very nice, but also rather... dull. I don't see this going anywhere romantic.
> 
> He also mentioned that he signed up for the site because, "the last few girls I connected were into this stuff, so I figured I'd have a better chance of connecting with someone on here, rather than through a regular dating site." (Read between the lines: "I'm not really kinky myself, but if you're into me, I'll do that because it's what you like." Which isn't inherently bad, but it's also not... really... what... I'm looking for.)
> 
> I was also dismayed that he didn't remember what we had talked about... "I talk to so many people on here that I have a hard time keeping track of who said what." Bad move, bro.
> 
> And he spent too much time talking about why his marriage ended, and how he was a rising philosophy star, and his divorce ruined his career, and All. This. Stuff. How it was so hard to work through, and that he's been dealing with it for a long time, and he still is, sometimes. And I'm like... dude, it's been Ten. Fvckin. Years. Move ON. And how there have been so many dating disasters...
> 
> He did mention that he is very open. Which is too say, he is way too open. All the baggage, right there out in front.
> 
> No... this isn't going to happen. I thought, he's out of the age range, but what the heck, I'll give him a chance, maybe he blows my socks off. But I was quite underwhelmed.


Well, that is unfortunate but I have to say he did/said just about everything wrong, so I cannot blame you. You seem much more evolved even though you are 16 years younger.


----------



## MRR

So FWB update. 

I lost the bet last week. (The bet is a good dating ploy by the way...to gauge interest, especially when it has been kinda on/off). 

I lost the bet so "had" (read: got) to make her dinner. Made baked dill/lemon salmon and roasted asparagus with some sort of mexican cheese, french bread and she brought wine. She came in and said, what can i help with, and i said-- nothing, i am making you dinner. 

She totally appreciated it because she is a good cook and is constantly cooking for others so I could tell she liked being cooked for, plus it was legitimately a great tasting meal. 

Then, yeah we were in the bedroom for almost 2 hours. It was very nice. No idea when we will see each other again.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> No, you are banished until you are single again!
> 
> Just kidding :grin2:
> 
> But why would you want to hang out with all us single losers now that you have a steady girl?!?


Being single does not a loser make. I'll just pop in from time to time to check on you fine folks!:grin2:


----------



## ne9907

hi Singles!
I have been spoiling myself a lot lately. I bought a very expensive pair of booties and colored my hair at a high end salon

First time ever I have light hair and spend over 400 dls on a pair of shoes!!!

Here is a photo of my hair. Beware my forehead looks humongous!!


----------



## gouge_away

Acoa said:


> Nasolingus?


I just puked in my mouth....

Make a fetish out of that.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Acoa

gouge_away said:


> I just puked in my mouth....
> 
> Make a fetish out of that.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"



Probably already been done... Ewww 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> gouge_away said:
> 
> 
> 
> I just puked in my mouth....
> 
> Make a fetish out of that.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"
> 
> 
> 
> Probably already been done... Ewww
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I probably shouldn't tell y'all this. There ARE MEN OUT THERE who have fetishes for making women gag and vomit during BJ's...

I'm sorry. So, so sorry.


----------



## RandomDude

In reply to previous pages:

my rigid rules r there to rid of time wasters

also why if miss pony doesnt want sex I would assume shes not interested sexually so fk it!

Time is precious
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Well, that is unfortunate but I have to say he did/said just about everything wrong, so I cannot blame you. You seem much more evolved even though you are 16 years younger.


So, I broke the bad news to him. He immediately wanted to know WHY. Was it this, was it that? And then, he said, was it something you saw online about me?

WTF?!? WTF might be online about you that I didn't see?

_Oh, I know there's stuff about my divorce online, but it makes things out to be different than they really were... _

(Between the lines:_ it makes me look really bad._)

WTF?!? Run away, run away!!!!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, I broke the bad news to him. He immediately wanted to know WHY. Was it this, was it that? And then, he said, was it something you saw online about me?
> 
> WTF?!? WTF might be online about you that I didn't see?
> 
> _Oh, I know there's stuff about my divorce online, but it makes things out to be different than they really were... _
> 
> (Between the lines:_ it makes me look really bad._)
> 
> WTF?!? Run away, run away!!!!


Haha, this made me giggle! 
The guy I was dating told A lot of his female friends that he ended things because I am crazy and bipolar. One of his friends told me. I laughed. This guy has A LOT of women after him... He does have a raw sexuality yet all of it is just a front. 

On another news. I have a date this Saturday with a man I met on tinder. We have been chatting up for a couple of weeks. He is not overly attractive, which in my case is a good thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MoUnit

I know! That is alot of reading, my job allows me some time so I read a little here and there. I am still feeling kind of shy about putting myself out there on there on the internet (either here or dating sites), but I am sure once I warm up you won't be able to stop me from talking  Just working on how to work this forum


----------



## MoUnit

So, I guess I will jump right in with my current situation. Separated for the last 7 months, no chance of reconciliation (maybe he thinks so, but he has broken my heart too many times). I have been sleeping with a man 10 years younger than me. It is kind of awkward because we have been friends in the same group that my stbxh have been friends in for years. We have agreed to a FWB arrangement. I am totally good with this because I know that he and I could never be a couple, but I am starting to think that he might start thinking differently once the divorce is final. I have made my intentions very clear, and he has said the same, just worried about some of the things he has said lately about how things will be after the divorce is final. It is very awkward because he and my stbxh are working on the house together to get it ready to sell. I feel like I have put myself in a very bad situation. While I enjoy the sex, I know he is not someone I could ever be with long term. My friends tell me to go with it, I deserve some happiness. But me being me, I am afraid of hurting him.


----------



## gouge_away

"Don't sh¡t where you eat..."
Don't worry about hurting him, he knows what he is doing, hopefully he is mature enough not to go bat sh¡t on you when you do break it off.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Haha, this made me giggle!
> The guy I was dating told A lot of his female friends that he ended things because I am crazy and bipolar. One of his friends told me. I laughed. This guy has A LOT of women after him... He does have a raw sexuality yet all of it is just a front.
> 
> On another news. I have a date this Saturday with a man I met on tinder. We have been chatting up for a couple of weeks. He is not overly attractive, which in my case is a good thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you think THIS is funny, you should hear about the British guy my friend tried to set me up with last week. It was so absurd, I thought I was in a Monty Python sketch. 

She's STILL apologizing.


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm... been thinking about miss pony and not getting any...

Option A) Continue as it is, be patient, wait for the green light, dangerously assume she is sexually interested and compatible, continue investing time and effort into it without sex, continue being teased, potentially risk being put in the FZ due to hesitation and reluctance to initiate.
Option B) Initiate sex again, happy happy, but risk pushing boundaries too far enough to leave a negative impression.
Option C) Pull the plug... because, well - just because! Besides I'm flat out for the next 6 months, I should have met her sooner, now isn't the best time for me to go back to dating.

Hmmm...


----------



## gouge_away

Option D) Find a second girl that puts out.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Acoa

Option E - talk to her about it. Tell her you want her, but are trying to be respectful. That you want to tear her clothes off and take her. 

The trick is to have this conversation while you are out on a date somewhere where sex isn't possible. That way she isn't feeling pressured to put out. She will have to respond and it should help you understand her position on sex.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

=/

Ah hell nevermind think I'll just enjoy V-day with her and worry about this later, think I'm going to start withdrawing emotionally though, I'm getting too invested too soon, and I shouldn't need her validation at all, but now it's always on my mind -> am I even attractive to her?

If not why am I bothering? There's other opportunities with women who actually want to fk me, instead of this crap


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... been thinking about miss pony and not getting any...
> 
> Option A) Continue as it is, be patient, wait for the green light, dangerously assume she is sexually interested and compatible, continue investing time and effort into it without sex, continue being teased, potentially risk being put in the FZ due to hesitation and reluctance to initiate.
> Option B) Initiate sex again, happy happy, but risk pushing boundaries too far enough to leave a negative impression.
> Option C) Pull the plug... because, well - just because! Besides I'm flat out for the next 6 months, I should have met her sooner, now isn't the best time for me to go back to dating.
> 
> Hmmm...


RD--have you guys been kissing, or making out at all?

If the answer is "yes," then you've not been "friend-zoned," nor will you be. (I hate this term, BTW, even though I've used it myself. But that's a discussion for another time.) Women don't kiss men they aren't interested in romantically.

If you guys aren't kissing/making out by this point, then this isn't romantic, and there's no reason to think that it would be.

It's pretty easy to tell the difference.

Dude, you need to chill the fvck out and realize that she's simply on a different time table than you are, as far as sex is concerned.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Ah hell nevermind think I'll just enjoy V-day with her and worry about this later, think I'm going to start withdrawing emotionally though, I'm getting too invested too soon, and I shouldn't need her validation at all, but now it's always on my mind -> am I even attractive to her?
> 
> If not why am I bothering? There's other opportunities with women who actually want to fk me, instead of this crap


And yes, I'm sure there are plenty of women who will fvck you, but is that all you want? I don't think it is. And miss pony can give you what those other women can't--she checks off all your boxes for a relationship partner. Everything that you've said is impossible to find in the women in your city.

If you start withdrawing emotionally, this will end. I guarantee it. She will feel it, and things will NEVER progress. Women need to feel emotionally connected in order to have sex.

If you continue as you have been, and stay open with her, sex will happen eventually. But it is not the only component of a relationship. You're not used to a woman making you wait and develop the other parts, and making sure the relationship is solid before introducing sex. A lot of women--quality women--tend to do that. Be patient.

In other words, don't fvck this up by acting the way you always have. Look at your behavior from a critical perspective and be a better version of yourself, and stop objectifying her. She is a person, and what she wants put of this and her boundaries and her desires are JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOURS. And she wants to wait and know you better before getting physically intimate. There's a reason it's called intimacy. Respect her. Respect THAT.


----------



## RandomDude

Erm... we men DO get friend-zoned even after kisses and crap.
As for our making out sure - but even then it's purely romantic and non-sexual. So in the end I'm still left wondering if she's even turned on at all

Meh I dunno, I'm probably thinking too much as you said


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Erm... we men DO get friend-zoned even after kisses and crap.
> 
> As for our making out sure - but even then it's purely romantic and non-sexual. So in the end I'm still left wondering if she's even turned on at all
> 
> 
> 
> Meh I dunno, I'm probably thinking too much as you said



I don't kiss my FRIENDS. I've never friend-zoned anyone I've kissed and I don't kiss anyone. A romantic kiss ---making out romantically?--- would lend you in the friend zone chair? 

You overthink things. Just chill and enjoy it otherwise she's going to walk and find someone more mature no offense 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

It is not uncommon at all for a woman to make out with, romantically, a guy-- show interest in the beginning or even for weeks-- and then feel later that they are better off friends. The attraction wanes. Feelings can change from moment to moment. 

Attraction is also subconscious. So, you don't say, Oh, I want to want that man/woman. You just DO-- which means it takes a deep awareness to even know WHY. I have found a lot of women lose romantic interest if you don't show desire by initiating a physical relationship. If it gets to be too difficult then it is best to move on b/c I spend so much mental energy worrying about how to go about it, but if she is attracted, she makes it easy for me to move forward. For instance, FWB will kiss me, and is open to me 'leading' her to sex but she rarely is the one to keep things moving forward physically. Once we start kissing, the way she positions her body, how she responds non verbally, gives me simple cues that she is comfortable with me and wants to move forward. I have to say if she didn't want to move forward it would definitely make me feel like she is uncertain or even not attracted, so in that sense I get RD's questioning-- however, he only tried ONCE and it was pretty early on. For the very first time they sleep together, it is very unlikely that SHE will be the one to lead it. If she wants to sleep with him she is probably waiting for him to try, regardless of what happened before. In my opinion, if he doesn't try, respectfully of course, she is going to start wondering if he is afraid (and if so will lose attraction) or if he just is not that into her. That's why I think he should NOT sit around and wait for her to jump all over him. 

Seems they are at a stale-mate in a sense, likely both waiting for the other to do something.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> So, I broke the bad news to him. He immediately wanted to know WHY. Was it this, was it that? And then, he said, was it something you saw online about me?
> 
> WTF?!? WTF might be online about you that I didn't see?
> 
> _Oh, I know there's stuff about my divorce online, but it makes things out to be different than they really were... _
> 
> (Between the lines:_ it makes me look really bad._)
> 
> WTF?!? Run away, run away!!!!


Wow. Glad you moved past that immediately. I think it is funny that he asked if it was something you read online. I never thought about what someone might see if the googled my name as a reason for being turned off. Interesting.


----------



## unsure78

FeministInPink said:


> If you continue as you have been, and stay open with her, sex will happen eventually. But it is not the only component of a relationship. You're not used to a woman making you wait and develop the other parts, and making sure the relationship is solid before introducing sex. A lot of women--quality women--tend to do that. Be patient.


RD, Totally agree with FIP here... quality women often do this. 

Dont sabotage yourself here, she sounds like a good woman, a rare find.


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> In reply to previous pages:
> 
> my rigid rules r there to rid of time wasters
> 
> also why if miss pony doesnt want sex I would assume shes not interested sexually so fk it!
> 
> Time is precious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is the problem with rigid rules-- you probably both like each other but if you are holding tight to some rigid rules rather than just going with it and having fun....AND she is doing the same, you will probably miss out on something good. 

Rigid rules suck. 

And....what is the rule about a woman texting you right after a date work? She must text you that night, right after, etc. 

Do you see how, if SHE had the exact same rule, it would automatically end what COULD be a great thing? 

I get having deal breakers but I would hope they are more important than who texts first.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Erm... we men DO get friend-zoned even after kisses and crap.
> As for our making out sure - but even then it's purely romantic and non-sexual. So in the end I'm still left wondering if she's even turned on at all
> 
> Meh I dunno, I'm probably thinking too much as you said


That's not being friend zoned. That's being dumped.

Two different animals.

ETA: How is making out NOT romantic but not sexual? Making out is, by it's very nature, sexual. If she wasn't into you, WHY would she be doing it???


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Wow. Glad you moved past that immediately. I think it is funny that he asked if it was something you read online. I never thought about what someone might see if the googled my name as a reason for being turned off. Interesting.


EXACTLY. I wanted to say, THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE is why.

Of course, I had to do a more in-depth google search after he said that, right? And still came up with nothing.

I did find some negative student evaluations, though, which accused him of being a boring professor and grading to hard--neither of which surprised me.

If you google my name, you'll find a LOT of stuff about me, because my boss INSISTED that I sign blog posts for the office with my full name and title. Which irritates me immensely. I should have fought him on that.

You'll also find a lot about a woman who is 6'2", went to Michigan State, and was an all-star basketball player.

I'm not her.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> That's not being friend zoned. That's being dumped.
> 
> Two different animals.
> 
> ETA: How is making out NOT romantic but not sexual? Making out is, by it's very nature, sexual. If she wasn't into you, WHY would she be doing it???


Agree, making out is a sexual act for sure. I think I have had maybe one or two times in my life that i wasnt feeling anything and that just told me that I was not into her. It is certainly a strange feeling. 

For the most part, making out is pretty sensual. And should at least lead to some degree of arousal on both parts I would hope. I cant see her making out with you on multiple occasions if she didnt really physically enjoy it.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Ah hell nevermind think I'll just enjoy V-day with her and worry about this later, think I'm going to start withdrawing emotionally though, I'm getting too invested too soon, and I shouldn't need her validation at all, but now it's always on my mind -> am I even attractive to her?
> 
> If not why am I bothering? There's other opportunities with women who actually want to fk me, instead of this crap


It is your second brain talking again.

If it is relationship you want , take it easy .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> And yes, I'm sure there are plenty of women who will fvck you, but is that all you want? I don't think it is. And miss pony can give you what those other women can't--she checks off all your boxes for a relationship partner. Everything that you've said is impossible to find in the women in your city.
> 
> If you start withdrawing emotionally, this will end. I guarantee it. She will feel it, and things will NEVER progress. Women need to feel emotionally connected in order to have sex.
> 
> If you continue as you have been, and stay open with her, sex will happen eventually. But it is not the only component of a relationship. You're not used to a woman making you wait and develop the other parts, and making sure the relationship is solid before introducing sex. A lot of women--quality women--tend to do that. Be patient.
> 
> In other words, don't fvck this up by acting the way you always have. Look at your behavior from a critical perspective and be a better version of yourself, and stop objectifying her. She is a person, and what she wants put of this and her boundaries and her desires are JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOURS. And she wants to wait and know you better before getting physically intimate. There's a reason it's called intimacy. Respect her. Respect THAT.


FIP

Applause👏👏👏👏👏👏
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> hi Singles!
> I have been spoiling myself a lot lately. I bought a very expensive pair of booties and colored my hair at a high end salon
> 
> First time ever I have light hair and spend over 400 dls on a pair of shoes!!!
> 
> Here is a photo of my hair. Beware my forehead looks humongous!!


Very nice .

Been thinking of colouring my hair too . like the korean k pop brown .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> In reply to previous pages:
> 
> my rigid rules r there to rid of time wasters
> 
> also why if miss pony doesnt want sex I would assume shes not interested sexually so fk it!
> 
> Time is precious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Not true that she is not interested in sex .

I find Mr neighbor good looking n sexy n I like him n I would love to have sex with him . but because I like him , and see him as ltr material , I rather know him better before having sex and contorting my feelings . 

If it is just causual sex I am after , I would qualify him physically n we can hit the sack . 

So I think she may be holding you as ltr material .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah well, we'll see, have to focus on work in the meantime, some regulars not happy that im favoring functions n events for my venues rarher than them. 20k+ a function is hard to argue with however.

Meh, money talks louder in business... cant keep everyone happy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> You'll also find a lot about a woman who is 6'2", went to Michigan State, and was an all-star basketball player.
> 
> I'm not her.


If you were to google my name, you would find a fictional character from a 90s tv show. Or perhaps 80s. 



tripad said:


> Very nice .
> 
> Been thinking of colouring my hair too . like the korean k pop brown .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I felt I needed something to do with my hair. Spoiling myself feels good. Next will be a weekend getaway at a spa in Palm Springs. I have never had a facial....


----------



## gouge_away

ne9907 said:


> I felt I needed something to do with my hair. Spoiling myself feels good. Next will be a weekend getaway at a spa in Palm Springs. I have never had a facial....


↓↓↓ 

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## ne9907

gouge_away said:


> ↓↓↓
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


haha I aim to please... facial...


----------



## TheGoodGuy

ne9907 said:


> haha I aim to please... facial...


I wasn't going to be the one to say it. >


----------



## gouge_away

If we have to explain this one; I am going to feel bad for ruining a perfect ending to her weekend at the spa.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## TheGoodGuy

gouge_away said:


> If we have to explain this one; I am going to feel bad for ruining a perfect ending to her weekend at the spa.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


BHAHAHAHAHA!!:grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink

So, that older guy I was talking to sent me the following email today:



> I know you and I have only talked once, and you do not want any more involved relationship with me, but I hope I can ask you a favor.
> 
> As I told you, I married a less than healthy woman when I was young. The divorce has been rough and I am worried there is accurate or misleading information that is on the internet about me.
> 
> This morning I did some checking and found that one service, Intelius has an inaccurate report on me. I have spoken with them and they have corrected it.
> 
> I am still very worried because I have 5 graduate applications pending.
> 
> If it is not time consuming for you, is it possible for you to see what my internet footprint might look like to the admissions committees for graduate programs I have applied to?
> 
> This is the fourth year I am applying to programs, and based on things that have happened with the last 3 years of the search, I worried there is something on the internet that I don't know about that admissions committees are picking up.


_(I work in graduate admissions, which is why he's asking me this question.)_

My first thought was, Dude, really? Am I going to have to fvcking block you now?

My gut tells me that he's trying to keep in contact so he can have the opportunity to try to change my mind about him.

I think I might tell him that that I don't give admissions advice outside the capacity of my job. The same way lawyers won't give legal advice unless you're a client. Because I don't want to fvckin' deal with it.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> So, that older guy I was talking to sent me the following email today:
> 
> 
> 
> _(I work in graduate admissions, which is why he's asking me this question.)_
> 
> My first thought was, Dude, really? Am I going to have to fvcking block you now?
> 
> My gut tells me that he's trying to keep in contact so he can have the opportunity to try to change my mind about him.
> 
> I think I might tell him that that I don't give admissions advice outside the capacity of my job. The same way lawyers won't give legal advice unless you're a client. Because I don't want to fvckin' deal with it.


I call B.S. He's probably afraid YOU googled and found unsavory stuff about him, and he's giving you an excuse about it.

I'd just ignore him, honestly.


----------



## vi_bride04

SecondTime'Round said:


> I call B.S. He's probably afraid YOU googled and found unsavory stuff about him, and he's giving you an excuse about it.
> 
> I'd just ignore him, honestly.


Yup ignore him. You gave him a boundary and he is totally disrespecting it.


----------



## tripad

gouge_away said:


> ↓↓↓
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Oh man , you got to explain what that emoji means , I am out of touch with emoji .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Well, I never told him NOT to contact me, but I also didn't make an offer of friendship, either. For most guys, telling them that I'm not interested is enough.

I'll tell him I can't help him, period. If he contacts me again, I'll tell him to stop contacting him

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## gouge_away

tripad said:


> Oh man , you got to explain what that emoji means , I am out of touch with emoji .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That one has no mouth... Just 2 eyes... It's the emoji of, "biting my lip, to keep my mouth shut."

The arrows point to my signature... Nuf said

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## TooNice

I just had a lovely date night. We were at a really cool event and even ran into a couple I know. It was a teeny bit awkward, but not bad. 

I mentioned before that he is a little serious and worries too much... I told him tonight that I think we're good for each other because I need to be a little more grounded sometimes, and he could benefit from learning some spontaneity.  

We're planning to have dinner tomorrow, too. Still taking the relationship thing slowly, and just enjoying being together. ;-)


----------



## RandomDude

Sounds alot better than the "city boy and country gal" thing miss pony and I have going on... 

Come to think of it, human mating can be so corny


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Come to think of it, human mating can be so corny


Very true. But I'm kind of a cornball anyway, so I am rolling with it. :grin2:


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I never told him NOT to contact me, but I also didn't make an offer of friendship, either. For most guys, telling them that I'm not interested is enough.
> 
> I'll tell him I can't help him, period. If he contacts me again, I'll tell him to stop contacting him
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


I dont understand. Wouldnt he be able to see the same thing you would see if he searched himself on the internet. Plus...dont you have to pay for some of the info from intellus/radaris? 

This is definitely the ploy of a weak man.


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> I just had a lovely date night. We were at a really cool event and even ran into a couple I know. It was a teeny bit awkward, but not bad.
> 
> I mentioned before that he is a little serious and worries too much... I told him tonight that I think we're good for each other because I need to be a little more grounded sometimes, and he could benefit from learning some spontaneity.
> 
> We're planning to have dinner tomorrow, too. Still taking the relationship thing slowly, and just enjoying being together. ;-)


did he kiss you? c'mon. details.


----------



## gouge_away

I just wasted 12 hours on fetlife.com... my employer will never get that time back...

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> did he kiss you? c'mon. details.


Well, this *was* date #5...


----------



## TooNice

gouge_away said:


> I just wasted 12 hours on fetlife.com... my employer will never get that time back...
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Yikes. That site sounds like trouble...

>


----------



## ne9907

gouge_away said:


> I just wasted 12 hours on fetlife.com... my employer will never get that time back...
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


All this talk about fetlife has me interested. I am joining!

I had a very pleasant and heartwarming experience. The guy I was dating has a friend who recently became his roommate. I guess the guy I dated told his new roommate that I like Game Of Thrones. 
His roommate is also a fan. Guy I dated called me last night and asked me to come over (I am off so I did). His roommate was there, and roommate gave me a book by GRRM! 

His roommate said, I know you would enjoy this so I want you to have it since Ive already read it. 

I have never before met said roommate. I love the book! It is " A knight of the Seven Kingdoms"


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> Well, this *was* date #5...


ok so he is attracted enough to sleep with you but still worried about what others might think? I hope he is over this by now! I know, 25 was a different place for me than 44 but cmon, if you are going there, at least own it!


----------



## ne9907

Earlier in the week, I found this handsome man on Tinder. He is visually attractive, so I super liked him. He super liked me back and introduce himself. Then he dropped this on me:

"Ur equisitly gourgouse"

Is this another language? What is this??? I did not reply. I like men who can spell.... in English.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> ok so he is attracted enough to sleep with you but still worried about what others might think? I hope he is over this by now! I know, 25 was a different place for me than 44 but cmon, if you are going there, at least own it!


He is getting there. He was openly affectionate when we were out last night, so I know he wasn't completely consumed by the whole "what are people thinking" thing. One of the things I really like about him is that he is very open and honest about discussing his comfort zone and his likes/dislikes. He's definitely more mature in that regard than quite a few other men I've dated. 

If he let his concerns impede how we interact when we are out, I would be more concerned now. He's giving me enough to keep me patient.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Earlier in the week, I found this handsome man on Tinder. He is visually attractive, so I super liked him. He super liked me back and introduce himself. Then he dropped this on me:
> 
> "Ur equisitly gourgouse"
> 
> Is this another language? What is this??? I did not reply. I like men who can spell.... in English.


Ugh. I would pass, too. There are some patterns I pick up in conversation, grammar, etc that make me fade out. That's one of them. Especially when their pics are gorgeous. Tends to make me think they are scammers.


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> Ugh. I would pass, too. There are some patterns I pick up in conversation, grammar, etc that make me fade out. That's one of them. Especially when their pics are gorgeous. Tends to make me think they are scammers.


Even if the spelling had been correct I would be wary of people who initially come out with over the top stuff, rather than what feels like normal conversation. A perfectly spelled compliment is not awful, but if it is one after the other, with some odd platitudes and diction, you can be sure it is a scammer. Match is FULL of them but they are easy to spot after awhile.


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> He is getting there. He was openly affectionate when we were out last night, so I know he wasn't completely consumed by the whole "what are people thinking" thing. One of the things I really like about him is that he is very open and honest about discussing his comfort zone and his likes/dislikes. He's definitely more mature in that regard than quite a few other men I've dated.
> 
> If he let his concerns impede how we interact when we are out, I would be more concerned now. He's giving me enough to keep me patient.


It sounds good. I hope you didnt think I was being harsh or not appreciating the overall experience that you are having. I would not even be one of those, make sure he is not only in it for the sex! people either, because it sounds like you are having fun anyway, and if you werent you wouldnt be spending time with him. 

So....enjoy.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I dont understand. Wouldnt he be able to see the same thing you would see if he searched himself on the internet. Plus...dont you have to pay for some of the info from intellus/radaris?
> 
> This is definitely the ploy of a weak man.


He wants me feedback regarding how an admissions officer would perceive him, if I were to run a background check. Because that's what I do professionally--I'm an admissions associate director at a top-tier school.

But I'm not gonna do it, and he's out of line asking it of me.

ETA: And I'm sure as hell not going to waste my $$$ on a background search.

But what REALLY irritates me about this request is that he KNOWS how swamped with work I am right now, and how stressed I am, and that I don't have a lot of free time right now. But he makes a request like this of me... and he was monopolizing my time, bombarding me with messages when he saw that I was logged in or active online. (Taking a break from the work.) It was irritating.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> All this talk about fetlife has me interested. I am joining!
> 
> I had a very pleasant and heartwarming experience. The guy I was dating has a friend who recently became his roommate. I guess the guy I dated told his new roommate that I like Game Of Thrones.
> His roommate is also a fan. Guy I dated called me last night and asked me to come over (I am off so I did). His roommate was there, and roommate gave me a book by GRRM!
> 
> His roommate said, I know you would enjoy this so I want you to have it since Ive already read it.
> 
> I have never before met said roommate. I love the book! It is " A knight of the Seven Kingdoms"


If you're not into BDSM, or some sort of other kinky sh!t, it's not for you.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Ugh. I would pass, too. There are some patterns I pick up in conversation, grammar, etc that make me fade out. That's one of them. Especially when their pics are gorgeous. Tends to make me think they are scammers.





MRR said:


> Even if the spelling had been correct I would be wary of people who initially come out with over the top stuff, rather than what feels like normal conversation. A perfectly spelled compliment is not awful, but if it is one after the other, with some odd platitudes and diction, you can be sure it is a scammer. Match is FULL of them but they are easy to spot after awhile.



yeah. I am a stingy a$$ mofo with money, and emotionally I am the scammer. They should watch out for me.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> It sounds good. I hope you didnt think I was being harsh or not appreciating the overall experience that you are having. I would not even be one of those, make sure he is not only in it for the sex! people either, because it sounds like you are having fun anyway, and if you werent you wouldnt be spending time with him.
> 
> So....enjoy.


No, I didn't think you were too harsh. We come here to seek support and opinions from others, and I appreciate the input! It is a very different situation for both of us, and we are treading carefully... because we enjoy spending time together.

But yes, we are having fun, too!


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> He wants me feedback regarding how an admissions officer would perceive him, if I were to run a background check. Because that's what I do professionally--I'm an admissions associate director at a top-tier school.
> 
> But I'm not gonna do it, and he's out of line asking it of me.
> 
> ETA: And I'm sure as hell not going to waste my $$$ on a background search.
> 
> But what REALLY irritates me about this request is that he KNOWS how swamped with work I am right now, and how stressed I am, and that I don't have a lot of free time right now. But he makes a request like this of me... and he was monopolizing my time, bombarding me with messages when he saw that I was logged in or active online. (Taking a break from the work.) It was irritating.


I don't blame you for being irritated, FIP. It was out of line to ask. For all of the reasons.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> yeah. I am a stingy a$$ mofo with money, and emotionally I am the scammer. They should watch out for me.


Ha! This made me laugh. :grin2:


----------



## TooNice

When my guy and I said goodnight last night, we made rough plans for dinner tonight. I will be with our mutual circle of friends/acquaintances prior to that, and asked how he would feel about meeting up with us if we head out for drinks after the event I will be at. He seemed to still not be ready, so I backed off and said it was fine; we can just go out. (It's not like he won't be seen in public with me at all.) I really do understand and respect his perspective on this. When we show up together at this group we will be "out", and that's a big step for him. I think it would be a big step for him even if we were closer in age. 

So we were texting about dinner trying to nail down a place, and finally at one point he said, "ok...this place. Or we can meet xyz people if they go out". 

It seems small, but it made me smile. It means he's thinking about it. 

We'll see what the night brings.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> When my guy and I said goodnight last night, we made rough plans for dinner tonight. I will be with our mutual circle of friends/acquaintances prior to that, and asked how he would feel about meeting up with us if we head out for drinks after the event I will be at. He seemed to still not be ready, so I backed off and said it was fine; we can just go out. (It's not like he won't be seen in public with me at all.) I really do understand and respect his perspective on this. When we show up together at this group we will be "out", and that's a big step for him. I think it would be a big step for him even if we were closer in age.
> 
> So we were texting about dinner trying to nail down a place, and finally at one point he said, "ok...this place. Or we can meet xyz people if they go out".
> 
> It seems small, but it made me smile. It means he's thinking about it.
> 
> We'll see what the night brings.


Being introduced to the friends is always a pretty big step, regardless of any age differential. Give him time.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Being introduced to the friends is always a pretty big step, regardless of any age differential. Give him time.


Absolutely. And this is just a mutual social group we belong to. The only reason I am pushing at all is so that he can see that most people will either not care that we are seeing each other, or they will react like you mentioned in your story: Oh - she's with him? And he's with her? Cool. 

While there are certainly challenges, I no longer feel as weird about it as I did a few weeks ago. He has so many great qualities. It makes it worth it.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> When my guy and I said goodnight last night, we made rough plans for dinner tonight. I will be with our mutual circle of friends/acquaintances prior to that, and asked how he would feel about meeting up with us if we head out for drinks after the event I will be at. He seemed to still not be ready, so I backed off and said it was fine; we can just go out. (It's not like he won't be seen in public with me at all.) I really do understand and respect his perspective on this. When we show up together at this group we will be "out", and that's a big step for him. I think it would be a big step for him even if we were closer in age.
> 
> So we were texting about dinner trying to nail down a place, and finally at one point he said, "ok...this place. Or we can meet xyz people if they go out".
> 
> It seems small, but it made me smile. It means he's thinking about it.
> 
> We'll see what the night brings.



Negative Nancy reporting!!

How long have you seen this guy? I draw my own experiences for the advice I give. When I first began dating the guy I broke up with recently, I did not introduce him to my family nor friends for a very long time because I was embarrassed to be seen with him. Our relationship began as FWB and developed into something more. 
I had no qualms meeting his friends but did not want him around mine. 
Eventually, I developed feelings for him and introduced him to my family yet there was a nagging feeling that he was not the right person for me. I did have fun with him though


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Negative Nancy reporting!!
> 
> How long have you seen this guy? I draw my own experiences for the advice I give. When I first began dating the guy I broke up with recently, I did not introduce him to my family nor friends for a very long time* because I was embarrassed to be seen with him*. Our relationship began as FWB and developed into something more.
> I had no qualms meeting his friends but did not want him around mine.
> Eventually, I developed feelings for him and introduced him to my family yet there was a nagging feeling that he was not the right person for me. I did have fun with him though


Ne, this is a big red flag that you never should have been with this loser in the first place. 

You should never be embarrassed to be seen in public with your partner. You should be proud of your mate! If you're not, something is very, very wrong. It means you don't respect him. It means you don't admire him. A relationship can't last if you don't respect and admire him.


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> If you're not into BDSM, or some sort of other kinky sh!t, it's not for you.


I don't even know what BDSM is, something something something masochist...

I must be some kind of masochist to have married the last one...

If it can turn my financial masochism into sexual masochism, IM IN!

I like the stories and pinup girl groups, hawt!

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Ne, this is a big red flag that you never should have been with this loser in the first place.
> 
> You should never be embarrassed to be seen in public with your partner. You should be proud of your mate! If you're not, something is very, very wrong. It means you don't respect him. It means you don't admire him. A relationship can't last if you don't respect and admire him.


Absolutely,
He was fun as a FWB but once I developed feelings I saw things would never work out because he is not LTR material.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Negative Nancy reporting!!
> 
> How long have you seen this guy? I draw my own experiences for the advice I give. When I first began dating the guy I broke up with recently, I did not introduce him to my family nor friends for a very long time because I was embarrassed to be seen with him. Our relationship began as FWB and developed into something more.
> I had no qualms meeting his friends but did not want him around mine.
> Eventually, I developed feelings for him and introduced him to my family yet there was a nagging feeling that he was not the right person for me. I did have fun with him though


Negative Nancy - lol!

We've known each other about a month and been on a 1/2 dozen or so dates. The hesitation is only because of the age difference. He's worried what people will think about him dating someone 19 years older. He has made it clear that he is not ashamed of me in any way. On the contrary, he is very complimentary about my looks. It's a learning curve of how to approach a very unique situation, that's all. I admit to reservations as well - I caught a couple of glances from people last night and wondered if they were judging. I didn't lose sleep over it, but I wondered. And if this goes far enough that I should decide to tell my son about him, I have trouble visualizing what that conversation looks like.

Small steps.


----------



## gouge_away

Mondaymournings

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

gouge_away said:


> *I don't even know what BDSM is, something something something masochist...*
> 
> I must be some kind of masochist to have married the last one...
> 
> If it can turn my financial masochism into sexual masochism, IM IN!
> 
> I like the stories and pinup girl groups, hawt!
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


If you're not into BDSM and you're just there to perv on the pictures, it's not a site for you...


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> He wants me feedback regarding how an admissions officer would perceive him, if I were to run a background check. Because that's what I do professionally--I'm an admissions associate director at a top-tier school.
> 
> But I'm not gonna do it, and he's out of line asking it of me.
> 
> ETA: And I'm sure as hell not going to waste my $$$ on a background search.
> 
> But what REALLY irritates me about this request is that he KNOWS how swamped with work I am right now, and how stressed I am, and that I don't have a lot of free time right now. But he makes a request like this of me... and he was monopolizing my time, bombarding me with messages when he saw that I was logged in or active online. (Taking a break from the work.) It was irritating.


oh my. is there any way to just cut him off?

rejection breeds obsession. Corey Wayne. 

some people just lose it....


----------



## gouge_away

FeministInPink said:


> If you're not into BDSM and you're just there to perv on the pictures, it's not a site for you...


I didn't say anything about pictures. And I call bull****. You might want to believe that, but that puts you in the minority.

Most of the people posting pics are begging for others to perv over them.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> oh my. is there any way to just cut him off?
> 
> rejection breeds obsession. Corey Wayne.
> 
> some people just lose it....


Yes, I can block him on the site where we met, and I can divert emails/hangouts messages to where I don't see them. If I need to.

My response to his email, which I sent this morning, was rather curt (for me, anyway):



> C--
> 
> Unfortunately, I won't be able to assist you with this. Best of luck with the application process.
> 
> FIP


He hasn't responded, and I don't expect him to. If he contacts me again, I'll block him.


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> oh my. is there any way to just cut him off?
> 
> rejection breeds obsession. Corey Wayne.
> 
> some people just lose it....


Sometimes I wonder if my fixation with getting laid with miss pony is due to being rejected on ur 2nd date for sex
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Sometimes I wonder if my fixation with getting laid with miss pony is due to being rejected on ur 2nd date for sex
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm, well.... Hop up here on the examining table...

Ah yes... See here, these two things between your legs... That's your problem.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Bah! Hate being human, maybe next life ill reincarnate as an asexual species
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Bah! Hate being human, maybe next life ill reincarnate as an asexual species
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Really only viable if you want to be a one cell organism. Most multicellular examples are sharks and various reptiles. The term reptilian brain makes me think the reason asexual reproduction happens is because the drive to reproduce is so strong they just do it, mate or not. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Great... looks like there's no escape 

Oh well, still taking her out tomorrow, bloody V-day


----------



## gouge_away

If she doesn't put out on vday... Idk what to tell ya

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Probably means she's not interested and just leading me on. Who the fk knows, meh

Actually, come to think of it, if nothing happens not even some form of physical reassurance think we're better off as friends. Don't think I should continue to invest emotionally, besides I fked up pretty bad on 2nd date, and despite having recovered from it, it's put me in an awkward position. I also have constant doubts about having someone from her culture in my inner circle, even though I have friends from her culture they are all in my outer circle - for a reason; tolerable but irreconcilable cultural differences.

Even if we're on the same page as individuals I'll have to deal with her circles, her family, and what not. Not sure I'm ready to go through all that again, already had a b-tch of an in-law who I regret is the grandmother of my child - a grandmother who wanted ex-wife to abort our baby. Meh... I've only scratched the surface of going back into a normal "loving" lifestyle this year, and the last time I scratched the surface I dumped ex-GF last year... cause I've been through all this crap before.

Bah fk it, I'm just going to go and see what happens, let fate decide. Either way think I should slow down emotionally.


----------



## vi_bride04

Holy crap, for the past 3 days every time I come in to read this thread, all that I read is RDs over thinking!!

Seriously, man!! Is this really how your brain works?? You are WAY overcomplicating everything that has to do with this new girl. No wonder you are an anxious mess cuz you are obsessing about the "what ifs".

Good lord, get some confidence and go with the flow.


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Probably means she's not interested and just leading me on. Who the fk knows, meh
> 
> Actually, come to think of it, if nothing happens not even some form of physical reassurance think we're better off as friends. Don't think I should continue to invest emotionally, besides I fked up pretty bad on 2nd date, and despite having recovered from it, it's put me in an awkward position. I also have constant doubts about having someone from her culture in my inner circle, even though I have friends from her culture they are all in my outer circle - for a reason; tolerable but irreconcilable cultural differences.
> 
> Even if we're on the same page as individuals I'll have to deal with her circles, her family, and what not. Not sure I'm ready to go through all that again, already had a b-tch of an in-law who I regret is the grandmother of my child - a grandmother who wanted ex-wife to abort our baby. Meh... I've only scratched the surface of going back into a normal "loving" lifestyle this year, and the last time I scratched the surface I dumped ex-GF last year... cause I've been through all this crap before.
> 
> Bah fk it, I'm just going to go and see what happens, let fate decide. Either way think I should slow down emotionally.


I think you should just let her go, not this weekend though, that's a total **** move, but next weekend let her go... Your looking for reasons to break it off, maybe you're too insecure; then she deserves better, or maybe you're just too busy for her.

Idk man; find someone that is willing to open her legs and keep her heart closed. You will be happier; you can always date bimbo-nun on the side casually or at a better time when you're ready to offer her what she is looking for.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## MRR

vi_bride04 said:


> Holy crap, for the past 3 days every time I come in to read this thread, all that I read is RDs over thinking!!
> 
> Seriously, man!! Is this really how your brain works?? You are WAY overcomplicating everything that has to do with this new girl. No wonder you are an anxious mess cuz you are obsessing about the "what ifs".
> 
> Good lord, get some confidence and go with the flow.


I tend to agree with you though there is also the possibility that he is using this in the way one would a personal journal, just vetting his uncertainties, intentions, etc and then when that is out, it is out of his mind in a sense, or he feels a little more relaxed about it. I know that looking at some of my posts on this thread, that I did not come across the same way in real life w the women/dates/interactions I have ruminated about. 

I dont know if this is the case though!

RD-- I think even if you had slept with her you would still be fixated on it if there is sexual chemistry, but it will help when you get that first time out of the way. Hopefully there is not an awkward or anxious vibe or that will make her anxious too. Of course, esp for the first time, she needs to feel safe with you. And...it does have to be your fault. 

Google Corey Wayne-- it has to be the man's fault. 

Have you read Mark Manson ever? Attracting Women Through Honesty is really good. Taught me a lot even though I still have trouble approaching IRL.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, I can block him on the site where we met, and I can divert emails/hangouts messages to where I don't see them. If I need to.
> 
> My response to his email, which I sent this morning, was rather curt (for me, anyway):
> 
> 
> 
> He hasn't responded, and I don't expect him to. If he contacts me again, I'll block him.


I would definitely get the point from that, though he does seem to be a different animal. Hopefully he has found another shiny object to move his attention to. I would be interested to see what that initial message he sent was. Mustve been pretty smooth!


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I tend to agree with you though there is also the possibility that he is using this in the way one would a personal journal, just vetting his uncertainties, intentions, etc and then when that is out, it is out of his mind in a sense, or he feels a little more relaxed about it. I know that looking at some of my posts on this thread, that I did not come across the same way in real life w the women/dates/interactions I have ruminated about.
> 
> I dont know if this is the case though!


That is EXACTLY how RD uses this thread. He's said exactly that on more than one occasion--but before you or many of the other current posters were reading this thread.

You should see some of the OLD RD posts on this thread! :grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I would definitely get the point from that, though he does seem to be a different animal. Hopefully he has found another shiny object to move his attention to. I would be interested to see what that initial message he sent was. Mustve been pretty smooth!


Well, he did give me the impression that he was talking to a number of women that was significant enough that he was having a hard time keeping the conversations straight. Which did NOT impress me at all, and now feels like a bluff, considering how much time/energy he was devoting to just ME.

His initial message was as such:



> Hello,
> 
> I have looked over you page and am extremely intrigued on many levels.
> 
> I am a highly educated man (ivy like college, two masters and Ph.D., reading ability in ancient Greek, training in neuroscience and philosophy) and I am searching women who list intelligence some where, which is how I found your page. I like that you mention intelligence and books. On a vanilla level I like to have a companion I can discuss my research on ethics with...someone who can take my ideas, and then go back and forth with the. Intellectually I am pretty dominant and and I like to press lines of thought and feel some engagement and push. For me such an exchange feels like an emotional and sensual turn on. I love your picture of the flowering plants in the tree branch. _(Refers to my profile picture, which is a photo that I took of the cherry blossoms in DC. I don't use a photo of my face on the site.)_ Unique and beautiful.
> 
> I like your narrative about how you got on this site. I know what it is like to have a fantasy but be in a marriage where your spouse will not play (that happened to me as well). I admire that you kept working on your marriage (I did the same) because you felt commitment. I have two fantasies that I would like to find a partner to share with. One does involve the man aggressively controlling and dominating the women, and might be a close match to what you enjoy based on your writings.
> 
> Below are the fetishes that you list that I enjoy the most. I have added some comments to a few.
> 
> ..._(Redacted for my privacy. Sorry, not sorry, not sharing all that with y'all. Let's just say that my list and his comments indicated that we would be VERY compatible.)_...
> 
> I do not have a lot on my page because it would not be good for my work. I am an educated professional and the non-lifestyle activities I like include talking, walks, outdoor activities, movies, ethnic restaurants, dancing and friendship. I did notice that you mention salsa. How often do you dance? Do you dance things other than salsa?
> 
> Would you care to chat?
> 
> C


It was, pretty much, the best intro message I've ever received.

But in conversation, he was a bit of an odd duck. And he was too old for me. I decided to give it a shot, when I learned how old he was, based on the intro message. 

I also didn't like that, during one of his exchanges, he suggested that I might want want to reconsider my religious beliefs (I'm mostly atheist, but every once in a while think I might be agnostic) because the atheist argument is fundamentally flawed.

I did NOT like that AT ALL. It has taken my a lot of thought and emotional pain to get to a point where I am comfortable with my belief system. I was raised by a very devout (but hyipcritical) Christian woman, and my whole family is extremely religious. It took me a very long time to get over the guilt and shame of not being devout enough, of not having a strong enough faith, and getting to a point where I understood and accepted myself, and could be OK with NOT believing in God and Jesus. It has been a very personal and decades-long journey to get where I am today, in terms of my faith (or lack thereof), and to be at peace with what I believe. It was very insulting and condescending of him to suggest, after only having recently "met" me, that he's of the opinion that I should re-think my entire belief system.

I should have cut him off at that point. But it takes me some time to process my thoughts and emotions, and to think critically about what the other person was actually saying. I want to understand my emotions and reactions before I act on them.


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> I tend to agree with you though there is also the possibility that he is using this in the way one would a personal journal, just vetting his uncertainties, intentions, etc and then when that is out, it is out of his mind in a sense, or he feels a little more relaxed about it. I know that looking at some of my posts on this thread, that I did not come across the same way in real life w the women/dates/interactions I have ruminated about.
> 
> I dont know if this is the case though!
> 
> RD-- I think even if you had slept with her you would still be fixated on it if there is sexual chemistry, but it will help when you get that first time out of the way. Hopefully there is not an awkward or anxious vibe or that will make her anxious too. Of course, esp for the first time, she needs to feel safe with you. And...it does have to be your fault.
> 
> Google Corey Wayne-- it has to be the man's fault.
> 
> Have you read Mark Manson ever? Attracting Women Through Honesty is really good. Taught me a lot even though I still have trouble approaching IRL.





FeministInPink said:


> That is EXACTLY how RD uses this thread. He's said exactly that on more than one occasion--but before you or many of the other current posters were reading this thread.
> 
> You should see some of the OLD RD posts on this thread! :grin2:


Never thought you guys could ever understand but yes, this is my venting thread. My old posts in this thread: "Baaah! I just need to ram something! BAAAH!" lol

Sometimes venting other times alot of my old topics too throughout the forum asks stupid questions so I make sure I cover all the angles. Situational awareness is important for me.

On a serious note I am taking miss pony out in a non-pressuring environment, cancelled a V-day package I bought for $500 in a hotel as it's a king bed, so going to just have a simple, public V-day dinner. Boring though.


----------



## ne9907

I enjoy the RD mind, but a have a knack for bad boys... Bad NE!! 

Sounds like a great plan RD

I had an impromptu breakfast date this morning with a 47 yo man I've been chatting on line. He asked wha I was doing, I said breakfast at a small restaurant then said should come over. He did. Had a pleasant time. No sparks. 

I have another date tonight at a sushi place, then tomorrow off to Monterrey with friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

On another news. The ex (for lack of better word) roommate has been messaging me on FB a lot. 

I've only meet the roommate once. When we met he told me that his wife and him are going through a separation, reason he became ex's roommate, but they were both going to IC and MC. 
I sent him a FB invite to thank him for the book. 
Since then he keeps messaging, nothing flirty just friendly. 
I have a habit of thinking that men who message women or want to be "friends" often want something else. 

Is this wrong? Am I overthinking this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

ne9907 said:


> On another news. The ex (for lack of better word) roommate has been messaging me on FB a lot.
> 
> I've only meet the roommate once. When we met he told me that his wife and him are going through a separation, reason he became ex's roommate, but they were both going to IC and MC.
> I sent him a FB invite to thank him for the book.
> Since then he keeps messaging, nothing flirty just friendly.
> I have a habit of thinking that men who message women or want to be "friends" often want something else.
> 
> Is this wrong? Am I overthinking this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, you're not overthinking. Stay away from this one who seems like he's still in the back and forth stage of his marriage.


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> No, you're not overthinking. Stay away from this one who seems like he's still in the back and forth stage of his marriage.


Agreed. He may never push for something in person, as the marriage thing is back and forth, but at the minimum, he's in want of female attention, and he will monopolize your time to get his fill, but he won't give much back to you.


----------



## RandomDude

Had to deal with a fking mole today, should have dragged her skanky ***** ass out of my venue, she managed to stress out my team. Really wanted to but had to be professional. Reminds me y I should never spoil my daughter.

seriously some people need their faces in the mud... regret that I resolved it peacefully, she didnt deserve my time or my teams
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Nah, I think I handled it poorly, should have just evicted her and called the police if she stayed. Would have helped morale of the team if they knew I would have their back, besides I need them at their best. Bah!!!! Fking too late now, oh well, I'll get them something tomorrow.

Nah fk it, next time, I'm going back to how I was in operations, dragging out people like that, it's not worth the mere $100-$200 they spend when I get $20-80K from functions. She was all ass-kissy with me probably because of my authority, the team had to take a break to keep the smile on their faces that fking *****. You know what would bring a smile back on everyone's face? Her ass out the door.


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway didn't mean to kill the thread, how was V-day for everyone? Mine was meh, honestly I'm a little stressed at the moment, rather bad timing actually, I'm biting off alot more than I can chew to keep my budget above water with all the contractors and builders, also making promises before venues are even ready. So hell...

Obviously... I need sex 

And no, I didn't get any on V-day, as expected


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Mine was great. I went to Montreal and spent the evening in a hot tub spa surrounded by love, or at least, quite a lot of couples behaving in a way that would have been met with admonishment in Iceland or Germany, hahahaha. 

They were all a bit younger and all very nice, it was good to see that there are so many caring and attentive young men taking their interests out (or maybe vice versa). There were also some other singles there and of course I got a Swedish massage as well, a glass of wine and pigged out on olives (my favorite snack) by a small gas fireplace (chalet style) in a stylish leather chair in a robe. Afterwards, I bundled up against the very cold temperatures (maybe -18 Fahrenheit) and walked back to my hotel, along the working and touristy waterfront past the big ships and along the tree-lined boulevard that was lit up with those little lights that are put in the trees. Aside from someone walking a dog and three young men from a bus that had stopped by the Old Port (where the night clubs are for tourists) who got out to pee in the cold (hahahaha) I didn't see anyone. I had the entire waterfront to myself, which is a very rare and unique experience for Montreal, and one I greatly enjoyed. 

On my trip I saw a French movie, went to a Quaker meeting, got two hugs, bought French perfume, practiced French, bought a very cool skirt made from recycled material and made/designed in Quebec, gave my number to a guy from Quaker meeting who drives through my town on the way to Boston to see his partner so he can stop for coffee and 'visiting' which is an old Quaker tradition between meetings (groups), finished the edits on a collection of short stories, got a tee shirt that actually fits me, and found some chocolate croissants to bring home to my kids. I met a happy baby named Ronan from Winnipeg...actually most people I met were happy including the homeless guy I gave some money and some foot and hand warmers too. I finished a sweater I was making for myself on the bus there, and it was nice to have good Icelandic wool to wear on the way home. I followed the bus from the bus stop in Vermont to my home town exit...easy driving at night when you have to be leery of moose and usually drive quite a lot slower if not following a bus or a truck. My car started up just fine after sitting in frigid weather for 2 nights and a day. 

I'd say that the weekend could have been made better with company but I think it had merits the way it was. 
Maybe next year. ;-)

I thought about trying to mature but decided against it. The moment came when I wanted to climb up a snow hill left by the plow and find someone to play King of the Hill with (it's a pushing game on snow hills made by plows) and when I amused myself on the bus by making faces at the serious drivers we were passing by.


----------



## TooNice

Friday night we ended up staying in. The guy I'm seeing had a bad day, and nearly cancelled. Instead, he came over, we talked, we ordered Chinese, and just cuddled for a bit. I really do like him, but I'm starting to feel myself not being patient. I mentioned that he's a bit analytical and serious. That said, I haven't heard from him since he left Friday. If it had been simply a date, I would think nothing of it. But if I'm committed to seeing someone, I need a little more attention than that. I'm not overly needy, but he is definitely not like me in that regard. I'm also touchy, and he's not. I'll talk that through when we see each other next, but even in a short term relationship, that's an important thing for me. 

The rest of my weekend was nice. I drove several hours to visit my son at college. We shopped, we had an amazing dinner, and explored his city a bit. On Valentine's Day, it was more of the same before I headed home. I miss the kid, so it was really great to see him.

I have been in a bit of a funk since my return, though. It was a rough drive back due to some weather, my workout routine has been disrupted for the past week, and work has me a little overwhelmed right now. And I'm hormonal. I trained at the gym this morning, followed by a 3 mile run. Trying to run away from the funk-lol. Hopefully I shake it off soon. I'm a social person. It makes me very out of sorts when I feel like I don't want to be around people!


----------



## ne9907

I stopped messaging back the ex's new roommate. 

I had a great weekend. It began on Saturday. My date went quite well, the man is not overly attractive, his laughter is weird, and he has a rather noticeable belly. I had a lot of fun with him, we talked a lot about unusual things. At one point, he got behind me and my butt touched his penis.... very large feeling. At that point, I realized he and I do not have long term potential because I wasn't attracted to him but I HAD to see for myself how big he was. 
I was not disappointed, the sex was hot.

On Valentine's my good friend and I drove to the beach, we ate a lot, drank a lot, met some cool people and had a blast.

Yesterday, the guy I had breakfast with on Saturday joined us (friends and I) for dinner and we had a great time at a sushi bar. 
After sushi, I went over to his place, we fooled around a bit, it was pretty hot. He is a bit texty (texts me a lot!) 
He brought me coffee at work today and is supposed to make me dinner on Wednesday. 
This guy is not overly attractive either but I like that is so caring.


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. I have been lurking just because I havent had alot of time to post. 

V-day was horrible. I didnt see my BF as he was golfing and I was in clean mode since I am selling the house. My daughter had a pretty bad accident on a bike (no helmet). Just everything went wrong!! 

Other than that, BF finally met the kids. It was a really great meeting. Though now its done, I am feeling abit indifferent towards him. IDK why. Its a good thing. Guess I was just grumpy he didnt make the effort to see me the rest of the weekend when he had no plans and he could because he met the kids already. 

And my old BF texted me yesterday, I am sorry how things went down with us (he kept disappearing when we dated) and he misses me. I texted back I have learned my lesson with you already. Please leave me alone.

Work is crazy. My back is strained. 

Wow! I am a bundle of joy! ha ha


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony touched my willy with her butt a few times, but she didnt initiate so what does that mean? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

bkyln309 said:


> HI all. I have been lurking just because I havent had alot of time to post.
> 
> V-day was horrible. I didnt see my BF as he was golfing and I was in clean mode since I am selling the house. My daughter had a pretty bad accident on a bike (no helmet). Just everything went wrong!!
> 
> Other than that, BF finally met the kids. It was a really great meeting. Though now its done, I am feeling abit indifferent towards him. IDK why. Its a good thing. Guess I was just grumpy he didnt make the effort to see me the rest of the weekend when he had no plans and he could because he met the kids already.
> 
> And my old BF texted me yesterday, I am sorry how things went down with us (he kept disappearing when we dated) and he misses me. I texted back I have learned my lesson with you already. Please leave me alone.
> 
> Work is crazy. My back is strained.
> 
> Wow! I am a bundle of joy! ha ha


Yeah, kind sketchy that the BF didn't meet up with you at all on Vday weekend. My GF and I don't even care that much about Valentines and we still did a romantic day in the city on Saturday. (It was actually supposed to be us taking my grandmother out for her birthday, but that fell apart due to grandma being sick, so we decided to go have fun anyway). 

Old BF was fishing for a booty call. Which one is better in bed? If they don't have long term potential, maybe you should pick one for short term needs.


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony touched my willy with her butt a few times, but she didnt initiate so what does that mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It means she is ready for you to initiate. Touch back my man. 

Women are confusing. Just when you think you have them figured out, they install a software update. 

 >


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony touched my willy with her butt a few times, but she didnt initiate so what does that mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tempting you .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

V day is just another work day .

Sigh . Mr neighbor no inviting me so I am dropping the idea .

I may sign up with the dating agency .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony touched my willy with her butt a few times, but she didnt initiate so what does that mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From my point of view, means she wants you for the long term. She wants you to get to know her more and build a strong relationship with you.

I do not want to have a relationship with big penis guy, but I wanted to have sex with him. I did. 

You are lucky! Miss Pony wants you for keeps


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony touched my willy with her butt a few times, but she didnt initiate so what does that mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's toying you, she wants to be chased, she wants to be conquered, but she also wants to feel like she put up a fight.

Just keep playing with her like a gentleman, eventually she will throw herself at you.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony touched my willy with her butt a few times, but she didnt initiate so what does that mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ill be the lone voice of female dissent.

She is playing games. She is doing just enough to keep you interested without giving up anything. Game player. She doesnt like you that much. She is still deciding so she is holding you on the line. 

Call her bluff! It will be clear immediately if she is serious about the relationship moving forward or not>


----------



## GuyInColorado

too much info


----------



## bkyln309

Acoa said:


> Yeah, kind sketchy that the BF didn't meet up with you at all on Vday weekend. My GF and I don't even care that much about Valentines and we still did a romantic day in the city on Saturday. (It was actually supposed to be us taking my grandmother out for her birthday, but that fell apart due to grandma being sick, so we decided to go have fun anyway).
> 
> Old BF was fishing for a booty call. Which one is better in bed? If they don't have long term potential, maybe you should pick one for short term needs.



CURRENT: my current BF has an issue with gift giving and holidays. To his defense, he hadnt planned on meeting the kids and he always golfs on Sunday without fail. But I just thought it might occur to him to make an exception. Nope. This was an issue his X had with him.

Old BF: Yes booty call for sure. Him and I had through the roof chemistry. But not interested in going back. I finally got over him and moved on. 

If I was in it just for a short term casual thing, I would do the old BF. But my current BF is trying to be better with me (except this one issue which he continues to be clueless about). Not sure my current BF is super long term (we have been dating a year) but the sex is great and overall we are good friends.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> CURRENT: my current BF has an issue with gift giving and holidays. To his defense, he hadnt planned on meeting the kids and he always golfs on Sunday without fail. But I just thought it might occur to him to make an exception. Nope. This was an issue his X had with him.
> 
> Old BF: Yes booty call for sure. Him and I had through the roof chemistry. But not interested in going back. I finally got over him and moved on.
> 
> If I was in it just for a short term casual thing, I would do the old BF. But my current BF is trying to be better with me (except this one issue which he continues to be clueless about). Not sure my current BF is super long term (we have been dating a year) but the sex is great and overall we are good friends.


@bklyn309 -- Honestly, I've never really been impressed with this guy. I've always felt with him, you've sort of been just settling... and right now you're feeling indifferent towards him? It seems like a "well, it's better than being alone" sort of situation, which doesn't really make you happy. Or excited.

ETA: And I've never really understood WHY you're with him.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> @bklyn309 -- Honestly, I've never really been impressed with this guy. I've always felt with him, you've sort of been just settling... and right now you're feeling indifferent towards him? It seems like a "well, it's better than being alone" sort of situation, which doesn't really make you happy. Or excited.
> 
> ETA: And I've never really understood WHY you're with him.


LOL. I have asked myself that a million times. We get along great when we are together. He makes me laugh. Its low key, no drama. The sex is great, great, sex. He is reliable, calls when he says, comes over when he says and does what he says he is going to do. He is faithful and kind. He would do anything for me if I asked. 

Most of the time I dont ask anything of him. I let him be. Maybe I need to be asking more.

When we are apart is when all the questions arise. I dont think we are in love. We just like being together when we are. We make no plans for the long term future. Guess the positives at this point outweigh the negatives.


----------



## gouge_away

GuyInColorado said:


> Had a 4th date last night with this girl I've been talking to for 3 weeks. Met on POF, we both are really into each other. Some of you have seen my posts in the POF thread. We are both 34 with kids, she's divorced and I'm seperated working through the legal process.
> 
> We played darts/pool at a local bar with her cousin, who is also going through a divorce. We 3, plus a guy she met at the bar, ended up going back to my girl's house. She kicked her cousin and the random guy out, told them to go back to his place. We made out heavily for a hour with a lot of fondling, and she went down on me for a while. Best part, she says she will do it anytime I want... KEEPER! Yeah, TMI but I have to share with someone! Then we made out for 20 minutes in the driveway before I drove away at 2am. Next date she wants blankets, pillows, and hot chocoloate in the bed of my truck in a secluded place....I can't get enough of this girl!!!
> 
> Oh, she lives with her mom... and her mom walked into the living room at 1am while we were on the couch with her on my lap making out! Haha, felt like high school all over. Oh well.
> 
> This relationship is so complicated with two kids on each side, me not being divorced yet, and my kids/ex in a town 15 miles away from her. I can't wrap my head around how we'll make this work for long term success. We can barely see each other once a week with our schedules. But I like where it's going and haven't been this happy in 12 years. Ugh.


I heard this saying awhile back, wish I had heard about it sooner.

_"if she pays her bills, has her own car, a job, and lives comfortably on her own; its something other than your wallet she wants. "_

You make 6 figures and still are married...
Her and her kids live with mom.

Don't marry this one.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## MRR

gouge_away said:


> I heard this saying awhile back, wish I had heard about it sooner.
> 
> _"if she pays her bills, has her own car, a job, and lives comfortably on her own; its something other than your wallet she wants. "_
> 
> You make 6 figures and still are married...
> Her and her kids live with mom.
> 
> Don't marry this one.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


It is alarming that after knowing her 3 weeks Guy already mentioned browsing for $10k engagement rings b/c "she deserves the best"; and then later to find out he is not divorced yet. 

I did the same thing going through my divorce. It lasted approx 7 months and there was an initial high with getting some sexual needs met after a mostly sexless 4 or so years with ex, but at the end of it I knew i was not ready to move it further-- move in together, get married-- which she was ready for. It took me awhile to realize I needed and desperately wanted-- although subconsiously for several months-- my 'freedom' so to speak. So I cant judge, but I can say that when I was in a similar place (minus the looking for wedding rings) I had a hard time slowing it down with the very physical relationship and with a really great and generous girl. Could not see at the time she was not the one, long term.


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> LOL. I have asked myself that a million times. We get along great when we are together. He makes me laugh. Its low key, no drama. The sex is great, great, sex. He is reliable, calls when he says, comes over when he says and does what he says he is going to do. He is faithful and kind. He would do anything for me if I asked.
> 
> Most of the time I dont ask anything of him. I let him be. Maybe I need to be asking more.
> 
> When we are apart is when all the questions arise. I dont think we are in love. We just like being together when we are. We make no plans for the long term future. Guess the positives at this point outweigh the negatives.


Here is a bit of a rant. Clearing my head. But I have the same issue w my FWB--- great conversation, chemistry, similar interests and viewpoints and we easily lose track of time, amazing sex. But then kind of unreliable with getting together. 

So, a week ago, she gets a sitter ( a big deal for single parents) comes over, I make her dinner for the first time. It was fun and then spent the last 90 mins or so in bed. 

I emailed her a couple days later for a recipe as i am making dinner for the family of a friend who has breast cancer this week. She did not respond until yesterday, emailed me and then followed right away with a text saying, I sent the recipe to you! Well turns out she came home from work, kids out of town and she had a couple glasses of wine. She wanted me to come over last night (after drinking a bit) but I couldnt-- had my kids. Asked about tonight-- she has 'plans'. Sometimes when she cant she tells me specifically what the plans are though i dont ask and then when she just say she has plans makes me think a date. B/c we have both been dating. 

So....I am a guy and should not complain about sex every 10 days or so with an attractive woman. But when we are apart I find myself wondering who else she is seeing and WHY she is still seeing me anyway....if she doesnt want a relationship but still wants to hang out when possible.

I am ok with this for the most part but other times not. I have dated others too but I know too I would make time to hang out with her b/c it always ends in really great sex. I feel, again, like I should be ok with this....as a guy getting laid. 

oh, and then today i got a linked in invite from heavy texter who turned me down for dates a few weeks ago and i havent contacted since. 

its a rant and overall i am fine. just have a hard time not wondering what FWB is up to and she owes me no explanation actually.


----------



## gouge_away

My dilemma.

I have been talking to a woman from match since mid December, met her Jan 1st (first date). We decided that night that we weren't going to be exclusive yet because both her and I were talking/meeting others from OLD, but we would think and consider it. We agreed to be honest about our intentions moving forward...

Then mid January she calls to tell me that she had been on 3 dates with a guy, planed for another and wanted to let me know that she was going to seek an exclusive relationship with him. I wished her the best and backed off, dated some other girls and left my door open to her.

About a week after that (mid/late January) she wants to date again, guy didn't work out. We plan a date, movie night, have a great time and fool around.

Then we make plans for valentines day, I spend the night, we have sex, and this starts to feel like a successful relationship.

A little back-story, our schedules suck, she works 10 hour days, I work rotating shifts, and have a child I am not willing to introduce at this point.

Yesterday I told her that I would like to date her exclusively, she says that she hasn't had any desire to meet anybody else but, she knows our schedules will take a toll on our relationship, she thinks about that often and quality time has been an issue in her last few relationships. She really likes the idea of us, but has her doubts.

We have had 3 dates in 6 weeks, all 3 overnights.

I like her a lot, good chemistry, physical attraction, but totally on the same page, our schedules conflict too much. I could be dating others and be equally as happy, but I would have to let her go, and I don't know when how to do that considering I just told her I only want to date her at this point. I know she wouldn't be mad at me, she was actually saying that she is afraid that I might be mad if she decided at some point this wouldn't work.

Also, the reason I offered to date her exclusively is because I have a few women interested in me and don't want to jeopardize my current or future prospect(s).



"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## farsidejunky

gouge_away said:


> My dilemma.
> 
> I have been talking to a woman from match since mid December, met her Jan 1st (first date). We decided that night that we weren't going to be exclusive yet because both her and I were talking/meeting others from OLD, but we would think and consider it. We agreed to be honest about our intentions moving forward...
> 
> Then mid January she calls to tell me that she had been on 3 dates with a guy, planed for another and wanted to let me know that she was going to seek an exclusive relationship with him. I wished her the best and backed off, dated some other girls and left my door open to her.
> 
> About a week after that (mid/late January) she wants to date again, guy didn't work out. We plan a date, movie night, have a great time and fool around.
> 
> Then we make plans for valentines day, I spend the night, we have sex, and this starts to feel like a successful relationship.
> 
> A little back-story, our schedules suck, she works 10 hour days, I work rotating shifts, and have a child I am not willing to introduce at this point.
> 
> Yesterday I told her that I would like to date her exclusively, she says that she hasn't had any desire to meet anybody else but, she knows our schedules will take a toll on our relationship, she thinks about that often and quality time has been an issue in her last few relationships. She really likes the idea of us, but has her doubts.
> 
> We have had 3 dates in 6 weeks, all 3 overnights.
> 
> I like her a lot, good chemistry, physical attraction, but totally on the same page, our schedules conflict too much. I could be dating others and be equally as happy, but I would have to let her go, and I don't know when how to do that considering I just told her I only want to date her at this point. I know she wouldn't be mad at me, she was actually saying that she is afraid that I might be mad if she decided at some point this wouldn't work.
> 
> Also, the reason I offered to date her exclusively is because I have a few women interested in me and don't want to jeopardize my current or future prospect(s).
> 
> 
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


If she were that into you, none of the smoke screen stuff she threw up would matter.

Keep it a FWB situation in your mind, brother.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> Ill be the lone voice of female dissent.
> 
> She is playing games. She is doing just enough to keep you interested without giving up anything. Game player. She doesnt like you that much. She is still deciding so she is holding you on the line.
> 
> Call her bluff! It will be clear immediately if she is serious about the relationship moving forward or not>


So call her n tell her byebye?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

farsidejunky said:


> If she were that into you, none of the smoke screen stuff she threw up would matter.
> 
> Keep it a FWB situation in your mind, brother.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


I get that...
What more, than fwb, could I expect from her response.

This is probably a good thing, because I would be better off not being involved in a serious relationship at this time. With my home reno, preparing to rent out one wing of the mansion, taking classes at the tech and starting my own side biz (home automation) working full-time+ot and being a dad....

I get where her doubts come from, I feel like.I'm putting both her and my love life on hold while I jack up my personal... Which is exactly what I'm doing, when I ask her to commit to me.

FWB, she can come and go as she pleases..... Win:win  

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

A good FWB is hard to come by, just don't do something silly like what I did last year... *cringe*

V-day was so meh honestly, the kissy kissy feely feely touchy touchy is nice, but without the rammy rammy and bouncy bouncy I'm just coming home feeling meh. I'm pretty withdrawn now, can't help it, if she senses it and backs away too then whatever, don't really care no more, getting too busy to give a sh-t and would welcome her to be gone at this point.

Maybe I'm just stressed


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> A good FWB is hard to come by, just don't do something silly like what I did last year... *cringe*
> 
> V-day was so meh honestly, the kissy kissy feely feely touchy touchy is nice, but without the rammy rammy and bouncy bouncy I'm just coming home feeling meh. I'm pretty withdrawn now, can't help it, if she senses it and backs away too then whatever, don't really care no more, getting too busy to give a sh-t and would welcome her to be gone at this point.
> 
> Maybe I'm just stressed


Rather than make moves and get **** blocked, verbalize your frustrations without making moves... That's what got me past the gate all through college.

In my 30s though, they always initiate.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Ask for sex? Tis just not my style, ack... tis awkward for me

Besides if our styles r not compatible then all the more reason to let her go
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Ask for sex? Tis just not my style, ack... tis awkward for me
> 
> Besides if our styles r not compatible then all the more reason to let her go
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't outright ask for sex...
Use your people skillz, brah...
Srsly!

Negotiations...
Make her understand that she has the option, and make fvcking your brains out the better option.
"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

:/

I dont evrn like to mention it, it has to happen naturally for me, otherwise I turn even myself off
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

Oh.... Then grab some porno mags and wait
^
worked for me before college
"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Have to go off porn in preparation of getting laid. Otherwise I'll be impotent, and first impressions last. Nothing is worse than your willy going soft at the worst times. I'm not young anymore not to mention I was overused by a crazy-but respectable-ex-wife.

So ack!

Which makes it all the more worse, as I have no release. Meh... bleh bah! >.<

/end vent

Going to bed, another stressful day ahead of me at work


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Ask for sex? Tis just not my style, ack... tis awkward for me
> 
> Besides if our styles r not compatible then all the more reason to let her go
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think he's saying ask for sex. Just make your desires known to her.


----------



## Lifescript

TheGoodGuy said:


> I don't think he's saying ask for sex. Just make your desires known to her.


Yea RD. Make a move. No talk needed. Just act. 

From your posts you seem like a go getter kind of guy, successful in business and all. I'm surprised you struggle with making moves with women.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> Yea RD. Make a move. No talk needed. Just act.
> 
> From your posts you seem like a go getter kind of guy, successful in business and all. I'm surprised you struggle with making moves with women.


Personal success and lady success are not equal. Some could say I am incredibly successful with business. It doesn't come as natural to me to talk to the opposite sex outside of....business. 

Depends on the person.


----------



## Lifescript

Bkln, 

Like FIP, I get the sense that you are settling but it's also good to take your time to analyze the situation. Grass is not always greener on the other side. He seems have many good traits. It's a matter of does the pro out weight the cons. 

The question is if he's not the one how do you find the one while still with him. You guys are exclusive now right? 

MRR, 

I think you are falling for FWB. Things may get complicated for you. 

I know what you mean when you say you got a FWB and should be ok with that. I kept telling myself the same thing last summer when I went out with the girl that went back to her ex. "It's ok script. At least you had fun and had sex with a beautiful woman." Still stung. 

If she want wishy washy would you consider her for Long term potential?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> OMG. I would be leery of spending so much time on the phone with someone I hadn't met yet. Yes, I would be freaked out too. Even EH advice is to only spend about 20 minutes on the phone, and to use some of that time to set a date to meet in person.
> 
> They strongly advise not to bond over electronic media or phone, and I personally think this is sound advice.


I think you might have been right. We are supposed to meet for the first time tonight, but I have a feeling he's going to bail. His communication has been trailing off, and last night when I texted him asking if we were still on for tonight he asked if he could call, and then he fell asleep and never did (I told him to call after my kids were in bed). Texted me at 11:50 asking if I was still awake (I wasn't). Haven't heard from him this morning yet. 

Maybe we waited too long to meet and should have done it last week. 

This is stressing me out. I haven't even started dating yet and I'm already sick of it.


----------



## gouge_away

Idk...
Grinding has always, and I mean 100% always every time, gotten me laid.
She was already grinding her bum on your junk...
Maybe you're the interference RD...

Next time she says I want to slow down, keep going, but in slow motion...  

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Acoa

Sounds like RD wants a FWB because a full on relationship scares him. She is holding out until for the full on relationship.

I think she is good for RD, but if he isn't ready then he needs to take a pass and move on. I don't blame him, I've followed his thread during the demise of his last relationship. I'd be scared to get into another relationship too. Not all women are your ex RD. That's a good thing.


----------



## tripad

Lifescript said:


> Yea RD. Make a move. No talk needed. Just act.
> 
> From your posts you seem like a go getter kind of guy, successful in business and all. I'm surprised you struggle with making moves with women.


Agree . Be smooth .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Wow . seems like a lot of things ( sex ) going on for many here . 

I am sinking into work . 😕


I need to get a man .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

MRR--- you might have to stop seeing this woman. Listen to your gut, which is telling you that besides the fancy sex something is not right. I remember when you first mentioned how she came back into your life with the tale of not connecting with anyone else as much as she connects with you. 
From that moment, I knew you were a PLAN B. I m sorry and yes, this knowledge hurts but YOU ARE PLAN A material!! 

I identify with the woman because I have done exactly what she is doing with you. You offer a steady supply of great sex but for x or y reasons you are NOT the one. She is getting her sexual needs met, while awaiting her ONE. You might think this is fine with you but in the end you might get hurt.

GOUGE---- Give it time. Your schedules are varied and difficult yet this is what dating is! Dating is to find someone who compliments us, if you guys don't work out that is fine. MAKE sure you get your needs met. You do not want someone who takes, takes, takes, and has nothing to give in return (NOT talking about sex). Sex is easy, connection is difficult.

RD!!!!----- oh RD!!! Did you know some women like to wait for a while before having sex? Is she a virgin? What is her sexual history? How many partners has she had? Once, I made a man wait for three months. Maybe four. 
Or it could be that she does not feel sexy enough to hold your attention and she wants you to know her. In the end, it is your decision...

Damn!!! I need to read on this guy who is looking at 10K engagement rings for a lives-with-mom woman!!!

Older guy is making dinner tonight (47). 

Here is the situation. I am not overly attractive, I know I am pretty and are a wonderful person yet, this guy feels as if he is someone special because I am with him... (just like loser ex boyfriend)
Which did not leave me with great memories. I am going to have to test the sexual waters with this old guy soon. I do not want to be a repeat of ex who after the first couple of times we had sex, did not want to for long periods of time.

Not sure if I am making sense...


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Bkln,
> 
> Like FIP, I get the sense that you are settling but it's also good to take your time to analyze the situation. Grass is not always greener on the other side. He seems have many good traits. It's a matter of does the pro out weight the cons.
> 
> The question is if he's not the one how do you find the one while still with him. You guys are exclusive now right?


We are exclusive. I am not sure I am looking for the one. I mean I want a long term partner at some point. I just dont feel a pressing need for it at the moment.


----------



## TooNice

I'm feeling very unsettled this week. This thread is helping me to feel less alone, so thanks to all of you for being here. Just reading what everyone is going through makes me feel like I'm not crazy. 

It seems so silly (and naive), but I really didn't think dating post-divorce would be quite this hard. So many games... so many people unwilling to commit. 

I don't want to get married anytime soon, but I am ready for a relationship. I found a guy willing to have that, but things are harder than I want them to be, even given the casual approach we agreed upon. I think I need to end it and keep waiting.

I agree that having regular physical interaction is a great thing, but I'm craving so much more than that now. 

Grrr. I'm moody right now. I should probably hold off on talking to my guy about this until next week. 

Anyway, I'm glad you're all here and this place exists.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> We are exclusive. I am not sure I am looking for the one. I mean I want a long term partner at some point. I just dont feel a pressing need for it at the moment.


Makes sense. Sounds like you know what you want. Good!


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> I'm feeling very unsettled this week. This thread is helping me to feel less alone, so thanks to all of you for being here. Just reading what everyone is going through makes me feel like I'm not crazy.
> 
> It seems so silly (and naive), but I really didn't think dating post-divorce would be quite this hard. So many games... so many people unwilling to commit.
> 
> I don't want to get married anytime soon, but I am ready for a relationship. I found a guy willing to have that, but things are harder than I want them to be, even given the casual approach we agreed upon. I think I need to end it and keep waiting.
> 
> I agree that having regular physical interaction is a great thing, but I'm craving so much more than that now.
> 
> Grrr. I'm moody right now. I should probably hold off on talking to my guy about this until next week.
> 
> Anyway, I'm glad you're all here and this place exists.


Don't complicate yourself. If it's meant to be it will be. Harder when you are in the situation I know. 

I've been waiting for my divorce to be final to try OLD and make a real effort to date. I've met and dated people from my social circle (not a good idea sometimes). Dating and relationships seems so complicated. I simpathize with you too nice. 

I'm starting to feel like I won't make a push to meet anybody. I'll just live my life doing things I like doing and let destiny work it's course. Meh


----------



## 3Xnocharm

feministinpink said:


> @bklyn309 -- honestly, i've never really been impressed with this guy. I've always felt with him, you've sort of been just settling... And right now you're feeling indifferent towards him? It seems like a "well, it's better than being alone" sort of situation, which doesn't really make you happy. Or excited.
> 
> Eta: And i've never really understood why you're with him.


yes! This!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm not holding out any hope for OLD. 

I had a call from EH+ last Wednesday with a half hour interview by a matchmaker, on behalf of a man about an hour from here. 
It sounded excellent, and I started to entertain some nice daydreams...but that's dangerous territory.
So I stopped that, deleted the email she sent, the photo she sent with it and my notes from the phone interview. 
Montreal gave some much needed perspective. 

Meanwhile, I'm taking a new approach...
taking my mentee out for much needed contra dancing (yes, I said it, contra dancing, and possibly salsa if that goes well, after she gets some salsa lessons) and...buying a fixer upper house. 
And when spring rolls around, I'm going to get a road bike and some tight cycling clothing. 
Naturally, I can fix my own flats, but nobody needs to know that but me.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Well, I was right, and my date for tonight did cancel on me. But, it's ok. We talked for over an hour on the phone and I hope he'll change his mind at some point, but if he doesn't, it's ok, too. I have a good friend out of it (which surprised him because he though I'd be very angry). He is just not ready, has a lot of major life decisions to make in his life right now (i.e. moving out of state) and doesn't want to make that decision even more complicated. He has a lot going on right now and even got choked up a couple times. The conversation actually made me want to go out with him even more, and we're going to keep talking, but for now, my Wednesday night dance card is empty . 

Of course, I'm not discounting the idea that he could just be blowing smoke and is just not into me. I have a constant struggle going on inside my head with balancing being intuitive and/or thinking the best about people with being naive!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I'm not holding out any hope for OLD.
> 
> I had a call from EH+ last Wednesday with a half hour interview by a matchmaker, on behalf of a man about an hour from here.
> It sounded excellent, and I started to entertain some nice daydreams...but that's dangerous territory.
> So I stopped that, deleted the email she sent, the photo she sent with it and my notes from the phone interview.
> Montreal gave some much needed perspective.
> 
> Meanwhile, I'm taking a new approach...
> taking my mentee out for much needed contra dancing (yes, I said it, contra dancing, and possibly salsa if that goes well, after she gets some salsa lessons) and...buying a fixer upper house.
> And when spring rolls around, I'm going to get a road bike and some tight cycling clothing.
> *Naturally, I can fix my own flats, but nobody needs to know that but me.*


LOL! I just got a new bike for Christmas. We should hang out....because you crack me up!

What is contra dancing??? (OK I'll Google it, just stating I have no clue what that is).


----------



## RandomDude

No way miss pony doesnt feel sexy enough shes hot n she knows it, shes had 2 sexusl partners apparently, times that by 2 itz 4... still I dunno meh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

TooNice said:


> I agree that having regular physical interaction is a great thing, but I'm craving so much more than that now.


Yup same here. And no matter what their profile says, it seems no guy wants to actually put the effort in to date or get to know me.

NE is right, sex is easy, the connecting is the difficult part.

And I've made the decision I'm done with the sex until I can get the connection... Ugh, guess I'll see how long that lasts.


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> No way miss pony doesnt feel sexy enough shes hot n she knows it, shes had 2 sexusl partners apparently, times that by 2 itz 4... still I dunno meh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



How did you come up with 4? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> No way miss pony doesnt feel sexy enough shes hot n she knows it, shes had 2 sexusl partners apparently, times that by 2 itz 4... still I dunno meh
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I must love sex a lot.... or I am a ****.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> LOL! I just got a new bike for Christmas. We should hang out....because you crack me up!
> 
> What is contra dancing??? (OK I'll Google it, just stating I have no clue what that is).


You live in the northeast and don't know what contra dancing is?
:surprise:

This is the year I'm going to find my Sweetie.


----------



## vi_bride04

Only 2 partners, RD? Well no wonder she's not jumping your bones yet, she not very experienced.


----------



## gouge_away

vi_bride04 said:


> Only 2 partners, RD? Well no wonder she's not jumping your bones yet, she not very experienced.


At the very least two partners.
To her credit, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was only two; given her undying will to inflict nuclear war on testicles.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> MRR--- you might have to stop seeing this woman. Listen to your gut, which is telling you that besides the fancy sex something is not right. I remember when you first mentioned how she came back into your life with the tale of not connecting with anyone else as much as she connects with you.
> From that moment, I knew you were a PLAN B. I m sorry and yes, this knowledge hurts but YOU ARE PLAN A material!!
> 
> I identify with the woman because I have done exactly what she is doing with you. You offer a steady supply of great sex but for x or y reasons you are NOT the one. She is getting her sexual needs met, while awaiting her ONE. You might think this is fine with you but in the end you might get hurt.
> 
> GOUGE---- Give it time. Your schedules are varied and difficult yet this is what dating is! Dating is to find someone who compliments us, if you guys don't work out that is fine. MAKE sure you get your needs met. You do not want someone who takes, takes, takes, and has nothing to give in return (NOT talking about sex). Sex is easy, connection is difficult.
> 
> RD!!!!----- oh RD!!! Did you know some women like to wait for a while before having sex? Is she a virgin? What is her sexual history? How many partners has she had? Once, I made a man wait for three months. Maybe four.
> Or it could be that she does not feel sexy enough to hold your attention and she wants you to know her. In the end, it is your decision...
> 
> Damn!!! I need to read on this guy who is looking at 10K engagement rings for a lives-with-mom woman!!!
> 
> Older guy is making dinner tonight (47).
> 
> Here is the situation. I am not overly attractive, I know I am pretty and are a wonderful person yet, this guy feels as if he is someone special because I am with him... (just like loser ex boyfriend)
> Which did not leave me with great memories. I am going to have to test the sexual waters with this old guy soon. I do not want to be a repeat of ex who after the first couple of times we had sex, did not want to for long periods of time.
> 
> Not sure if I am making sense...



Thanks for the comments. I am definitely questioning my gut too though. It usually happens when I have not had my kids for a couple days, if I dont fill one of those nights with something I start getting that urge. Then, also, she has given me reason to question her motives. I need to remember she is very recently divorced with high sex drive and dating, which, like you said means I am an option. Meanwhile when I date others I tend not to talk to her much.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You live in the northeast and don't know what contra dancing is?
> :surprise:
> 
> This is the year I'm going to find my Sweetie.


I grew up in the northeast, and only learned of contra dancing a few months ago.


----------



## FeministInPink

spinsterdurga said:


> How did you come up with 4?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


The supposition that every woman lies about her number (cutting it in half) so guys won't thing she's a slvt.

The flip side of that supposition is that every man lies about his number (doubling it) so he looks like more of a stud.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Only 2 partners, RD? Well no wonder she's not jumping your bones yet, she not very experienced.


:iagree:

I'm not surprised that she's making you wait. And I will bet that she waited until she was in love to sleep with those two previous.

Get ready to camp out for a while if you like this girl, RD. Better stock up on lotion and tissues.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I'm not surprised that she's making you wait. And I will bet that she waited until she was in love to sleep with those two previous.
> 
> Get ready to camp out for a while if you like this girl, RD. Better stock up on lotion and tissues.


I remember those days.... Waiting for the relationship to develop.....

Man I've turned into such a slvt since then...... I'm on fetish websites for f*cks sake. Tell THAT to my young 20 something self... Lmao... She wouldn't believe you

Funny how divorce and heartache changes a person


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I remember those days.... Waiting for the relationship to develop.....
> 
> Man I've turned into such a slvt since then...... I'm on fetlife for f*cks sake. Tell THAT to my young 20 something self... Lmao... She wouldn't believe you
> 
> Funny how divorce and heartache changes a person


Oh, I was always a slvt. It took being married to my XH to make me chaste. Now that I've ditched that killjoy, I'm back to my slvtty ways, ha ha!!!

(Ok, no totally... it's a lot harder to find boy toys once you're out of college, and not going to frat parties anymore.)


----------



## moxy

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I was always a slvt. It took being married to my XH to make me chaste. Now that I've ditched that killjoy, I'm back to my slvtty ways, ha ha!!!
> 
> (Ok, no totally... it's a lot harder to find boy toys once you're out of college, and not going to frat parties anymore.)


That's what Tinder is for.


----------



## moxy

Sounds like you guys have been busy! I haven't been around much, lately, because life has been tough and I am really blue. Despite some really wonderful professional accomplishments (three cheers for: two books coming out this year, another one solicited by a press, and an award), I've been in a zone of grief, but also extreme stress overload. I've been swamped with bizarro stress and work drama, and I decided to stop dating until I could get my head sorted out (because the work stuff is really messing me up!). The other day, my family had a mini intervention with me and basically said that I was making myself all kinds of crazy over the minutiae of work and that I needed to stop focusing on it, date someone and spend more time on my hobbies. So...I joined a painting group (I'm making my second painting, and the canvas almost as big as me, so it will take a long time to finish). And, I have decided that once the hell of this week is over, I will force myself to get back into a workout routine. And, then, after I have done that for at least a week (maybe two, if I am too scared to do it in one week), I will message a guy who I matched with on Tinder who I really think I might be compatible with in an outside of the bedroom way (he's hot, too, but there are other attractive qualities, I see). My challenge is that I need to get out of this horrible depressed state by NOT obsessing and internalizing over the workplace harassment (no, HR won't help; I am in a tiny, racist, sexist town, and the aggressor is very popular; this is the first time in my life I've experienced this, and it sucks!!) and trying to get back to the real me. So, I think I'll try to be here more often.


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> I remember those days.... Waiting for the relationship to develop.....
> 
> Man I've turned into such a slvt since then...... I'm on fetish websites for f*cks sake. Tell THAT to my young 20 something self... Lmao... She wouldn't believe you
> 
> *Funny how divorce and heartache changes a person*


OMG - so true.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, I was always a slvt. It took being married to my XH to make me chaste. Now that I've ditched that killjoy, I'm back to my slvtty ways, ha ha!!!
> 
> (Ok, no totally... it's a lot harder to find boy toys once you're out of college, and not going to frat parties anymore.)





moxy said:


> That's what Tinder is for.


Um... so many comments... seriously can't channel just one right now. But yes. to both of you. 

And MOXY!!!!! So glad to have you back!


----------



## RandomDude

spinsterdurga said:


> How did you come up with 4?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ey? U never watched american pie? When a lady says how many guys shes slept with, times by 2 to get the real number lol, when a guy says how many girls hes slept with, half that n u get the real number  hehe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway I personally dont really care about the number of guys a lady has slept with, ex wife slept with more guys than either of us can count n it made no diff to my opinion of her - I focus on the present with relationships

besides its not like I had a 'saintly' past either as a crim during my teens
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

I haven't had anyone ask me that directly since I started dating again. I guess lying never really occurred to me... 

I agree with you RD, I'd be more likely to focus on the present, too. When you meet the right person, the past shouldn't matter in that regard.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> That's what Tinder is for.


MOXY!!!!! I've missed you, so glad you're back!!!

Congrats on the books coming out, that is SO exciting. I agree with your fam, focusing on work is great, but you need some YOU time, too!

I'm also getting back to the gym--we should work together to stay accountable


----------



## Miss Independent

FeministInPink said:


> The supposition that every woman lies about her number (cutting it in half) so guys won't thing she's a slvt.
> 
> The flip side of that supposition is that every man lies about his number (doubling it) so he looks like more of a stud.



Now I understand why my ex sent me an email accusing me of lying about my number. Smh...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Ey? U never watched american pie? When a lady says how many guys shes slept with, times by 2 to get the real number lol, when a guy says how many girls hes slept with, half that n u get the real number  hehe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Lol. But it's not a fact. I've never lied about my number and I know many women who don't. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## hope4family

2 dates on Saturday. Thoughts? Advice? Looking for advice.


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> *A good FWB is hard to come by, just don't do something silly like what I did last year... *cringe**
> 
> V-day was so meh honestly, the kissy kissy feely feely touchy touchy is nice, but without the rammy rammy and bouncy bouncy I'm just coming home feeling meh. I'm pretty withdrawn now, can't help it, if she senses it and backs away too then whatever, don't really care no more, getting too busy to give a sh-t and would welcome her to be gone at this point.
> 
> Maybe I'm just stressed


I think mine is a great FWB when we are together, but something tells me to move away from it. As was stated earlier, my gut is telling me and I am not fully trusting my gut. I guess when it is a FWB you are not supposed to care that she dates, etc.

-she is fun, loves her job, passionate, we have many things in common, connect easily and comfortably, can easily lose track of time when just talking, and the physical aspect is fantastic

-she tends to reach out to me more when she is drinking, has almost certainly slept with others (even though months ago we talked about letting each other know), my mind tends to focus on whether or not she is (jealousy), I have caught her in small white lies, she has a self destructive streak, we no longer do 'dates' in public, there is a vague integrity/trust issue that makes it hard for me to see her really committed-- like serious relationship

So RD-- what silly thing did you do last year with your FWB???


----------



## Acoa

spinsterdurga said:


> Lol. But it's not a fact. I've never lied about my number and I know many women who don't.


New GF and I decided to be 100% honest or plead the fifth on this topic, nothing in between. I was in a long term marriage starting with the woman I dated in HS, so my number is very low. She has been single her entire life. Longest relationship was 4 years. So, she is leaving her number a mystery. But I get the idea. 

I'd much rather an honest, "I'd rather not answer." It's better than a lie. 



hope4family said:


> 2 dates on Saturday. Thoughts? Advice? Looking for advice.


Have some time between them so you are not rushed. And if needed have time to shower? Giggity!


----------



## gouge_away

It hurts my brains when I try and think of the number of people I have slept with. Not because the number is astronomically high, but because I have dated so many people and have a hard time remembering which ones I've slept with and which I didn't.

I wouldn't ever tell a woman I've slept with more girls than I really have. Maybe when I was younger I would have, but probably not.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## MRR

People actually talk about their 'number'? I dont even think my ex W and I talked about it, ever. I dont even know what mine is...


----------



## bkyln309

I think I know my number. It wasnt that high. But Im old and who can remember the count before a 16 year marriage. I can tell you since the marriage. Does that count? And what does it matter anyway?


----------



## ne9907

MOXY!!!! I am so glad to see you around here!
Whatever happened to guy?

Last week my friend and I were talking about our numbers. My number has double since my divorce. I also kinda forget who Ive slept with... It is high.... well....

Last night date was amazing!! This man cooked a delicious ribeye steak and lots of veggies (yum) for us. We had red wine. OMG!!! Even though I went to his place, he gave me flowers!!!
We talked quite a bit, we both shared a lot of information. 
He is 47, divorced since 2013, has two children age 11 and 6.
He pays attention to what I say, a lot of attention. It is weird. He is a bit clingy. He again brought me coffee to work. He also text me
"I hope you are a very special person... I feel very lucky to have you as my friend"

Well, that text is innocent but makes me feel as if he has put me on a pedestal... He also says other things, oh and he would like for us to go on a weekend trip in two weeks. I want to go. 
Is this too fast? I like being around him.


----------



## ne9907

Maybe I dated losers and I am not used to all this attention and I don't even have the words for what he does or how he treats me. 
He enjoys my company a lot! He thinks I am funny, smart, beautiful! He wants to make me happy! Makes me want to make him happy as well!

I don't get it....


----------



## ne9907

15


----------



## gouge_away

ne9907 said:


> MOXY!!!! I am so glad to see you around here!
> Whatever happened to guy?
> 
> Last week my friend and I were talking about our numbers. My number has double since my divorce. I also kinda forget who Ive slept with... It is high.... well....
> 
> Last night date was amazing!! This man cooked a delicious ribeye steak and lots of veggies (yum) for us. We had red wine. OMG!!! Even though I went to his place, he gave me flowers!!!
> We talked quite a bit, we both shared a lot of information.
> He is 47, divorced since 2013, has two children age 11 and 6.
> He pays attention to what I say, a lot of attention. It is weird. He is a bit clingy. He again brought me coffee to work. He also text me
> "I hope you are a very special person... I feel very lucky to have you as my friend"
> 
> Well, that text is innocent but makes me feel as if he has put me on a pedestal... He also says other things, oh and he would like for us to go on a weekend trip in two weeks. I want to go.
> Is this too fast? I like being around him.


Not too fast, I went on a weekend trip after knowing a girl for a week, it was so much fun and we learned so much about each other.

I must warn you though, it's really hard to slow back down after spending more than 48 hours straight with someone, you end up feeling like you have known them for years.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> 15


Is this your 'number'? since divorce or total? how long have you been divorced?


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> 2 dates on Saturday. Thoughts? Advice? Looking for advice.


Why did you schedule 2 dates on the same day? Lol


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> I think I know my number. It wasnt that high. But Im old and who can remember the count before a 16 year marriage. I can tell you since the marriage. Does that count? And what does it matter anyway?


I don't even remember what my pre-marriage number was. I have a vague idea, but it's one of those things that you forget once you've been with the same man for over a decade.

I feel like my post-divorce number is awfully low for a self-proclaimed slvt. I need to work on that, ha ha!

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

NE, 

I don't think is too fast. Go for it. Have nothing to lose. Have fun! 

Hope, 

Give us more details ... how far apart are these dates? OLD? 

I'd go with something fun not the usual sitting down in a place eating. 

-- 

My number is low because I married young and was in a long term marriage. 

Sounds like this guy is a nice guy ne. 

I did so many nice things in my marriage. I'm a nice guy by nature. Sounds weird to say it but I am a good person. Now I feel like if I'm too good I could b taken advantage of. Gotta find the balance.


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> Is this your 'number'? since divorce or total? how long have you been divorced?


Total. 

Ive been divorced for almost two years, separated for three. Yeah, a lot of sex partners....

Like I said earlier, sex is so easy, connection is difficult.

Oh and the other guy who I went on a date with on Saturday wants to go out again. The guy with the very nice penis. 

I am wondering if I should keep my options open, or just stay with the 47yo and see where things go.


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> Total.
> 
> Ive been divorced for almost two years, separated for three. Yeah, a lot of sex partners....
> 
> Like I said earlier, sex is so easy, connection is difficult.
> 
> Oh and the other guy who I went on a date with on Saturday wants to go out again. The guy with the very nice penis.
> 
> I am wondering if I should keep my options open, or just stay with the 47yo and see where things go.


I dont think that is too many if you are in your 40s. I dont know if there is a 'normal' but it is not out of line. 

I do not know what mine is. maybe 25? not a lot but i didnt know people even worried about it. 

In any case, sounds like you would have some insight on my FWB as she seems to see me maybe as you see some of the guys you date. Ok to keep around and genuinely likes me but still interested in dating others. Not sure as we dont often talk about what kind of relationship we have or what we do when we are not together, other than when she was drunk and told me about the guy she had been seeing in the two months we had not seen each other (who turned out to be a 'crazy person').


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> I dont think that is too many if you are in your 40s. I dont know if there is a 'normal' but it is not out of line.
> 
> I do not know what mine is. maybe 25? not a lot but i didnt know people even worried about it.
> 
> In any case, sounds like you would have some insight on my FWB as she seems to see me maybe as you see some of the guys you date. Ok to keep around and genuinely likes me but still interested in dating others. Not sure as we dont often talk about what kind of relationship we have or what we do when we are not together, other than when she was drunk and told me about the guy she had been seeing in the two months we had not seen each other (who turned out to be a 'crazy person').


MRR, 

If she was game for having a LTR? Would you want it with her? I see red flags with this one.


----------



## gouge_away

33yo 10
6 pre-marriage (1 was ONS)
4 post-marriage (1 is exwife)
Been separated for almost 10 months.
Never cheated on anybody, STD checkups between each partner.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> I dont think that is too many if you are in your 40s. I dont know if there is a 'normal' but it is not out of line.
> 
> I do not know what mine is. maybe 25? not a lot but i didnt know people even worried about it.
> 
> In any case, sounds like you would have some insight on my FWB as she seems to see me maybe as you see some of the guys you date. Ok to keep around and genuinely likes me but still interested in dating others. Not sure as we dont often talk about what kind of relationship we have or what we do when we are not together, other than when she was drunk and told me about the guy she had been seeing in the two months we had not seen each other (who turned out to be a 'crazy person').


haha!! I am 38. I care little if I had too many partners. At one point in my life, I wanted to sleep with every nationality in the world haha.
I only have
German
Italian
Jewish
Argentinian
American (duh)

Hmmm. I think that is it.

Yes, I totally identify with your FWB. When I got divorced, I had all FWB. I would keep a FWB for a long time because of the steady supply of sex but I kept dating looking for something better and a relationship. I would also date/have sex with other men while in the FWB because of x and y reasons. 
I always use protection.
In 2014, I sort of fell for my FWB (blue eyes!!) yet I knew he wasn't available so kept dating.
Last year I was with a man for a year, began as FWB, but I always kept my options open and dated others because he wasn't what I wanted or needed.


----------



## Lifescript

My # is low (4) 

Could easily be double that at least if I wasn't so picky. I fear one day my d!ck will morph into a person and punch me in the face ... seriously! 

Ok. So this cute girl who does marketing sees me walking into my department. I get introduced to her..I've seen her before. She us very cute. 

She says how long you have been here? I say 8 yrs. She says how come I haven't seen you before. I tell her my office is in the back where I can hide. She says wiyh a smile me and my cute face should be in the front lol. The other girl who introduced me says oh Michael is single now. And she says really? And gives me her card. 

I've learned the lesson not to mix business and pleasure but she doesn't work here. She visits from time to time promoting the companies she represents. 

So what do ya think? Send her a a linked in request? Could also be she was just trying to be nice (she's in marketing) but I don't remember the last time a girl came out and said something like this flat out.


----------



## gouge_away

Lifescript said:


> My # is low (4)
> 
> Could easily be double that at least if I wasn't so picky. I fear one day my d!ck will morph into a person and punch me in the face ... seriously!
> 
> Ok. So this cute girl who does marketing sees me walking into my department. I get introduced to her..I've seen her before. She us very cute.
> 
> She says how long you have been here? I say 8 yrs. She says how come I haven't seen you before. I tell her my office is in the back where I can hide. She says wiyh a smile me and my cute face should be in the front lol. The other girl who introduced me says oh Michael is single now. And she says really? And gives me her card.
> 
> I've learned the lesson not to mix business and pleasure but she doesn't work here. She visits from time to time promoting the companies she represents.
> 
> So what do ya think? Send her a a linked in request? Could also be she was just trying to be nice (she's in marketing) but I don't remember the last time a girl came out and said something like this flat out.


Don't buy anything, lol!

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Lifescript

gouge_away said:


> Don't buy anything, lol!
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Lol


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> My # is low (4)
> 
> Could easily be double that at least if I wasn't so picky. I fear one day my d!ck will morph into a person and punch me in the face ... seriously!
> 
> Ok. So this cute girl who does marketing sees me walking into my department. I get introduced to her..I've seen her before. She us very cute.
> 
> She says how long you have been here? I say 8 yrs. She says how come I haven't seen you before. I tell her my office is in the back where I can hide. She says wiyh a smile me and my cute face should be in the front lol. The other girl who introduced me says oh Michael is single now. And she says really? And gives me her card.
> 
> I've learned the lesson not to mix business and pleasure but she doesn't work here. She visits from time to time promoting the companies she represents.
> 
> So what do ya think? Send her a a linked in request? Could also be she was just trying to be nice (she's in marketing) but I don't remember the last time a girl came out and said something like this flat out.



Do not send a linked in request or a FB request or any of that stuff that basically tells her you are afraid of rejection. IF you want to get to know her, call her up tomorrow, tell her you are going to drinking establishment xyz and ask if she wants to join you for a drink. If she says no, dont call again. If she says I cant tonight but would love to some other time, make a date.


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> haha!! I am 38. I care little if I had too many partners. At one point in my life, I wanted to sleep with every nationality in the world haha.
> I only have
> German
> Italian
> Jewish
> Argentinian
> American (duh)
> 
> Hmmm. I think that is it.
> 
> Yes, I totally identify with your FWB. When I got divorced, I had all FWB. I would keep a FWB for a long time because of the steady supply of sex but I kept dating looking for something better and a relationship. I would also date/have sex with other men while in the FWB because of x and y reasons.
> I always use protection.
> In 2014, I sort of fell for my FWB (blue eyes!!) yet I knew he wasn't available so kept dating.
> Last year I was with a man for a year, began as FWB, but I always kept my options open and dated others because he wasn't what I wanted or needed.



Yes, I think that is how mine is. I do not think it is a bad thing, esp for her being freshly divorced it is not uncommon, I just do not want to be part of a woman's harem. 

so...even though you and each individual person agreed it was not exclusive, you still did things to keep them interested? Or was that not even necessary? I feel like I KNOW how my FWB thinks but she does a good job of making it seem more when we are together.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> MRR,
> 
> If she was game for having a LTR? Would you want it with her? I see red flags with this one.


That is the thing--- probably would not; and after the first 6-8 weeks of hanging out/sex w/ her (last spring/summer) I kinda knew we would never be serious. 

But yes, as a LTR if it were HER interested I would amost certainly be trying to keep it as a FWB. 

This here is an indication of the irrationality of relationship dynamics. I KNOW I do not want her for LTR but since she backs off from me it bothers me. Rejection breeds obsession?


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> Do not send a linked in request or a FB request or any of that stuff that basically tells her you are afraid of rejection. IF you want to get to know her, call her up tomorrow, tell her you are going to drinking establishment xyz and ask if she wants to join you for a drink. If she says no, dont call again. If she says I cant tonight but would love to some other time, make a date.


I like this MRR. 

But isn't it too straight forward? Shouldn't I warm up a bit first with some msgs via FB or text ... not sure 

But yea this is the quickest way to know what's up.


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> That is the thing--- probably would not; and after the first 6-8 weeks of hanging out/sex w/ her (last spring/summer) I kinda knew we would never be serious.
> 
> But yes, as a LTR if it were HER interested I would amost certainly be trying to keep it as a FWB.
> 
> This here is an indication of the irrationality of relationship dynamics. I KNOW I do not want her for LTR but since she backs off from me it bothers me. Rejection breeds obsession?


Yes. Because she's not bringing it up you kind of want it but if she was you would back off.

Maybe it's me but I don't think men or women are good at the FWB thing. Sooner or later one or the other wants more.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> I like this MRR.
> 
> But isn't it too straight forward? Shouldn't I warm up a bit first with some msgs via FB or text ... not sure
> 
> But yea this is the quickest way to know what's up.


Here are my thoughts-- 

She already knows if she wants to go out with you. Her actions and non verbal -- as well as even verbal-- queues show that she is interested. She is going to be more impressed if you straight up call and ask for what you want-- to have a drink with her. 

The kinda beating around the bush by message thing is much weaker and less likely to impress though she may still agree if/when you get around to it. Google things like asking a woman out if you are nervous, just to envision how the conversation is going to go. 

I think, in her mind, she has made it clear you are interested and, from again what I have read about relationship dynamics, if you contact her via messaging and take your time, she will be wondering "when is he going to ask me out???"

Based on what you told us, she is already interested so the less direct you are the more likely you are to screw it up. 

Honestly, she will LOVE that you called and just asked her out for a drink, if she is interested. 

Women? Yes?


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> Yes, I think that is how mine is. I do not think it is a bad thing, esp for her being freshly divorced it is not uncommon, I just do not want to be part of a woman's harem.
> 
> so...even though you and each individual person agreed it was not exclusive, you still did things to keep them interested? Or was that not even necessary? I feel like I KNOW how my FWB thinks but she does a good job of making it seem more when we are together.


I had a harem at one point lol. I had my FWB for sex, a very smart chemical engineer for conversation, a geek, etc etc.
Yes, I did things for both FWB, nice things like massages, prepared food, movies, conversations, etc.
They also did those things for me. Blue eyes (2014) had me confused as well for a while because I thought he wanted more than FWB, so we had a conversation and found out that he did not want a relationship, just FWB. He would give me massages, treat me to my favorite food, get wine for us, romantic dinners, the whole 9 yards. Was nice... He wasn't all that great mind you, He was married "separated" the entire time we were FWB.

last FWB was very supportive when my father passed away, even though he sucked as a boyfriend, he would also be my emotional sounding board. I did a lot of nice things for him before and after we became boyfriend/girlfriend.
When I went to Peru, I got him a very nice souvenir for him and a nice painting for his house and yet I still had sex with a very hot Argentinian poet (while I was at Machu Picchu).


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Do not send a linked in request or a FB request or any of that stuff that basically tells her you are afraid of rejection. IF you want to get to know her, call her up tomorrow, tell her you are going to drinking establishment xyz and ask if she wants to join you for a drink. If she says no, dont call again. If she says I cant tonight but would love to some other time, make a date.


I agree. She was flirting with you. She was giving you her info so you could ask her out.

If she was trying to sell/professional connection, you wouldn't just be meeting her now, considering that you've been there for 8 yrs.



Lifescript said:


> I like this MRR.
> 
> *But isn't it too straight forward? Shouldn't I warm up a bit first with some msgs via FB or text ... not sure *
> 
> But yea this is the quickest way to know what's up.


NO.

BE straightforward. Women like men who are confident and assertive. Warming her up via Facebook or text is a Nice Guy move. It says you're too scared to just ask her out. It says you're afraid of rejection. And you're not! 

Repeat after me: I am not a pansy.

Call her up and ask her out! Real men don't text, they call. She will be impressed if you call. (And figure out what you're going to say in advance, in case you get her voicemail.)


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Here are my thoughts--
> 
> She already knows if she wants to go out with you. Her actions and non verbal -- as well as even verbal-- queues show that she is interested. She is going to be more impressed if you straight up call and ask for what you want-- to have a drink with her.
> 
> The kinda beating around the bush by message thing is much weaker and less likely to impress though she may still agree if/when you get around to it. Google things like asking a woman out if you are nervous, just to envision how the conversation is going to go.
> 
> I think, in her mind, she has made it clear you are interested and, from again what I have read about relationship dynamics, if you contact her via messaging and take your time, she will be wondering "when is he going to ask me out???"
> 
> Based on what you told us, she is already interested so the less direct you are the more likely you are to screw it up.
> 
> Honestly, she will LOVE that you called and just asked her out for a drink, if she is interested.
> 
> Women? Yes?


----------



## FeministInPink

And I will add the following... if I made it clear that I was interested and the door was open for a date, and he was messaging/texting but not asking me out, well... see my signature.

I would lose all interest pretty quick.


----------



## vi_bride04

Partners before divorce: 6
After/since: 15-20


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> So RD-- what silly thing did you do last year with your FWB???


I "promoted" her to girlfriend status and got emotions involved 

Had to dump her on V-day last year, and lost a good friend in the process - she never wanted to see me again.


----------



## Lifescript

Ok got it 

Does it make a difference that it was the other girl who gave me her card and not her. I've talked to her friend a few times before. Maybe she thought she was going to be shy about giving me her card. 

I see how reaching out via text or social media can be seen as weak. 

I was reading that calling people now is sort of like knocking on someone's door unannounced. I kind of see where that could be true. 

Maybe I'm weird but I get annoyed when people call me sometimes.


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> I "promoted" her to girlfriend status and got emotions involved
> 
> Had to dump her on V-day last year, and lost a good friend in the process - she never wanted to see me again.


why did you have to dump her?


----------



## RandomDude

Her feelings for me were much stronger than my feelings for her, so I felt I was leading her on, also she had new expectations and plans for our future that did not agree with mine, she also wanted to meet my daughter which I was not comfortable with as I was still wary of our future, she also wanted me to fund her startup for her business which would result an interest-free loan of several hundred K which I did not want to commit to unless we were married.

Dumping her was the right thing to do


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Why did you schedule 2 dates on the same day? Lol


This Saturday is the only day (I get 1 every 2 weeks) where I don't have my son. I had one scheduled for 2 weeks ago while another we met for coffee and really clicked. 

Both are WWAAYY too early for anything like happy sexy time.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Ok got it
> 
> Does it make a difference that it was the other girl who gave me her card and not her. I've talked to her friend a few times before. Maybe she thought she was going to be shy about giving me her card.
> 
> I see how reaching out via text or social media can be seen as weak.
> 
> *I was reading that calling people now is sort of like knocking on someone's door unannounced.* I kind of see where that could be true.
> 
> Maybe I'm weird but I get annoyed when people call me sometimes.


According to whom? It's only an intrusion if it's someone you don't want to talk to. People I WANT to talk to--my family and friends, or that hot guy that I just met who I want to ask me out--are welcome to call me anytime.

And if I don't feel like talking (or if I don't recognize the number), I let it go to voicemail.

As part of my job, I manage a couple of outreach calling campaigns at various times of the year. I am AMAZED at the number of people who 1) answer calls from unfamiliar numbers, and even more so 2) call back an unknown number _without checking the voicemail message_, saying, "Hi, I just received a call from this number--who's this?".

Now, is the Jehovah's Witness people were to knock on your front door unannounced, but you couldn't get to the door in time, how likely would you be to chase them down the street, saying, "Hey, I really want to hear what you have to say! I need to be saved!"

No, totally not the same thing. 

:grin2:


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> According to whom? It's only an intrusion if it's someone you don't want to talk to. People I WANT to talk to--my family and friends, or that hot guy that I just met who I want to ask me out--are welcome to call me anytime.
> 
> And if I don't feel like talking (or if I don't recognize the number), I let it go to voicemail.
> 
> As part of my job, I manage a couple of outreach calling campaigns at various times of the year. I am AMAZED at the number of people who 1) answer calls from unfamiliar numbers, and even more so 2) call back an unknown number _without checking the voicemail message_, saying, "Hi, I just received a call from this number--who's this?".
> 
> Now, is the Jehovah's Witness people were to knock on your front door unannounced, but you couldn't get to the door in time, how likely would you be to chase them down the street, saying, "Hey, I really want to hear what you have to say! I need to be saved!"
> 
> No, totally not the same thing.
> 
> :grin2:


Ha

Totally. 

Ok. I'll report back. Have to invite her now since I I'm traveling overseas next weekend and wil be away for 10 days.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> This Saturday is the only day (I get 1 every 2 weeks) where I don't have my son. I had one scheduled for 2 weeks ago while another we met for coffee and really clicked.
> 
> Both are WWAAYY too early for anything like happy sexy time.


Boo, no sexy time!

Well, I would say, make sure you have enough time to get from one to the other with time to spare. 

Definitely don't do them in the same vicinity so the first date sees you meeting up with the second, or vice versa.

Take a clean shirt and some wet wipes just in case. If the first one wears a lot of perfume and hugs you, it might cling to your clothes/skin, or if she's wearing makeup and you get a goodbye kiss, you might get lipstick on you. You might need to clean up or change your shirt.

Tell the first one that you have to leave by x time because you have something else scheduled, so it's not a surprise to her when you have to end the date.

Who's first, new date or coffee girl?


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Her feelings for me were much stronger than my feelings for her, so I felt I was leading her on, also she had new expectations and plans for our future that did not agree with mine, she also wanted to meet my daughter which I was not comfortable with as I was still wary of our future, she also wanted me to fund her startup for her business which would result an interest-free loan of several hundred K which I did not want to commit to unless we were married.
> 
> Dumping her was the right thing to do


wow the financial part of that is interesting. You two must have been pretty serious for that discussion to have taken place.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


>


Thanks FIP. At least I got something right today....


----------



## ne9907

The guy with the nice d!ck from Saturday sent me a text reading that he would like to take me out again.
I responded with "Thank you but I can't. I meet someone else and I want to pursue things with this person. In any event, I am very glad I met you and had a wonderful time with you."

He was very polite and said "I am sorry to hear that. Let me know if you are in town and want to go for a ride "
I not sure if he means in a ride on his motorcycle, or his d!ck....


Moral?? Be polite when turning down someone because if you get horny enough later on, perhaps you can revisit said fVck buddy.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Thanks FIP. At least I got something right today....


You hit that one out of the park.


----------



## gouge_away

Even if he asked you out for a cup of coffee, he means 
"ride on his d!ck."

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Instead of counting sheep, I can count men. Works like a charm...yawn, yawn, yawn...
There are only a few favorites to remember. 
The rest just get lumped together into bottom outlier land, the land of vague faces and no names.


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> The guy with the nice d!ck from Saturday sent me a text reading that he would like to take me out again.
> I responded with "Thank you but I can't. I meet someone else and I want to pursue things with this person. In any event, I am very glad I met you and had a wonderful time with you."
> 
> He was very polite and said "I am sorry to hear that. Let me know if you are in town and want to go for a ride "
> I not sure if he means in a ride on his motorcycle, or his d!ck....
> 
> 
> Moral?? Be polite when turning down someone because if you get horny enough later on, perhaps you can revisit said fVck buddy.


yes i agree. obviously mine and i have come and gone a bit. she just responded to a text from last night-- nothing significant, but she had wanted to come over Monday night and I had my kids. 

I responded back now with just two words. I am not mad at her and definitely do not want to be rude but I also know if we engage then I will be in this longer. Unless there comes a point where she really opens up to me I really need to back off...and out of this...by summer. And yes, without being rude.


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> wow the financial part of that is interesting. You two must have been pretty serious for that discussion to have taken place.


We were together for a year, even though just FWBs for most of the time, but were quite close. She was a good woman and friend, and I hold nothing against her, just sad she decided to cut me out completely from her life instead of preserving the friendship we established over the year.

In the end, its just another case of why not to get emotions involved in a FWB-relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> We were together for a year, even though just FWBs for most of the time, but were quite close. She was a good woman and friend, and I hold nothing against her, *just sad she decided to cut me out completely from her life instead of preserving the friendship we established over the year*.
> 
> In the end, its just another case of why not to get emotions involved in a FWB-relationship.


You can't fault her for that. You kind of fvcked it up when you ended it.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Boo, no sexy time!
> 
> Well, I would say, make sure you have enough time to get from one to the other with time to spare.
> 
> Definitely don't do them in the same vicinity so the first date sees you meeting up with the second, or vice versa.
> 
> Take a clean shirt and some wet wipes just in case. If the first one wears a lot of perfume and hugs you, it might cling to your clothes/skin, or if she's wearing makeup and you get a goodbye kiss, you might get lipstick on you. You might need to clean up or change your shirt.
> 
> Tell the first one that you have to leave by x time because you have something else scheduled, so it's not a surprise to her when you have to end the date.
> 
> Who's first, new date or coffee girl?


Coffee girl then "new date". Thanks for the advice. Any other thoughts?


----------



## FeministInPink

No, that's all I've got 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> You can't fault her for that. You kind of fvcked it up when you ended it.


Saved myself a few hundred K though so 

Still, at least I didn't do it ON V-day, just a few days before


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Saved myself a few hundred K though so
> Still, at least I didn't do it ON V-day, just a few days before


I meant what you did AFTER.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I meant what you did AFTER.


:scratchhead:


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:


After you broke up with her the first time, you waffled, told her you wanted to give it another try, and then you dumped her again.

Or was V-Day the second breakup?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> We were together for a year, even though just FWBs for most of the time, but were quite close. She was a good woman and friend, and I hold nothing against her, just sad she decided to cut me out completely from her life instead of preserving the friendship we established over the year.
> 
> In the end, its just another case of why not to get emotions involved in a FWB-relationship.


RD, part of a relationship is not second-guessing or imposing the 'what I would do...' on another person. It sounds like she really wanted a relationship, and if she can't pursue that with you, there is no point in mucking up a new relationship by having you lurking about, even as a 'friend'...that would be disrespectful to a new relationship. Maybe guys think women (new relationships) should just 'deal' or 'be cool' with former lovers and FWB being part of their life, but that's asking a lot of some people, and probably, too much. 

Her ending definitively her relationship with you and not looking back was a kind thing for her to do for herself as well as whomever she does ultimately choose to spend her life with. 

You shouldn't get upset about it. She did give you a second chance when you asked for it? How many times is a person supposed to have their heart broken to be worthy and to pass the test. If someone says they love you, and has shown a willingness to be with you, warts and all, and you say no, what are they supposed to do, continue to waste energy that could be given to a new relationship? I don't think so.

She is one tough woman, she exposed her heart and made a commitment, twice. Don't expect more. Maybe she thought because you expect her to be that strong, you are also strong, and can deal with having her walk out of your life. As you should. Toughen up.


----------



## RandomDude

=/
Errr... V-day was the last breakup ex-FWB/gf had that I remember either than when she ended our FWB relations for a time to try dating again (and that was years ago - before we became a couple)
You may be confused with ex-wife or the lady I had a ONS with after ex-FWB/gf, but either than a few "death throws" from ex-FWB/gf after dumping her I haven't heard from her since

Anyway I'm not one to chase after a woman after she tells me "yadda yadda I'm an a$$hole etc", ex-wife was the only woman I chased after when I wanted to try reconciliation and still disgusted with myself about it too - I'm just not the type

Regardless only thing I really miss about ex-FWB/gf was the friendship, not our relationship. And I don't blame her, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her.


----------



## MRR

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> RD, part of a relationship is not second-guessing or imposing the 'what I would do...' on another person. It sounds like she really wanted a relationship, and if she can't pursue that with you, there is no point in mucking up a new relationship by having you lurking about, even as a 'friend'...that would be disrespectful to a new relationship. *Maybe guys think women *(new relationships) should just 'deal' or 'be cool' with former lovers and FWB being part of their life, but that's asking a lot of some people, and probably, too much.
> 
> Her ending definitively her relationship with you and not looking back was a kind thing for her to do for herself as well as whomever she does ultimately choose to spend her life with.
> 
> You shouldn't get upset about it. She did give you a second chance when you asked for it? How many times is a person supposed to have their heart broken to be worthy and to pass the test. If someone says they love you, and has shown a willingness to be with you, warts and all, and you say no, what are they supposed to do, continue to waste energy that could be given to a new relationship? I don't think so.
> 
> She is one tough woman, she exposed her heart and made a commitment, twice. Don't expect more. Maybe she thought because you expect her to be that strong, you are also strong, and can deal with having her walk out of your life. As you should. Toughen up.


Pretty sure plenty of women think this way too. 

I am not clear on exactly what happende though. It was too serious for RD? The girl did not like him talking to ex wife?


----------



## RandomDude

?????????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkyln309

please tell me if you think I am over-reacting.

I injured my back and neck 2 weeks ago. I have been having some continual issues. Well yesterday, older man and I were supposed to meet at my house for dinner and to watch his kid online (she is a diver). But an hour before I left work, I had an episode where my whole head and face went numb. I called my primary doctor who had seen me a week ago and she told me get to the ER immediately. So I texted him told him doctor is sending me to the ER for the numbness (I texted him when i first got it but it was getting worse). they thought maybe i was having a stroke. So he tells me Ok, I am going home text me with the updates. I drove myself to the ER and was freaking out. My coworker wanted to drive me and stay with me. i said no I did text some friends on the way to pray for me. They all called me immediately. They were all out of town friends. So anyway, i do scans, EKG, bloodwork and a CT scan. All fine. They think i have done something to my neck which i need to see a specialist for.

The older man did text me but never offered to come to the ER with me. He went home. I know he wanted to see his daughter dive but i cant imagine leaving him to go to the ER alone in such a circumstance. It was planned he was coming my way anyway.

Then He texted me are you home yet and was shocked I on the phone with a friend and didnt want to talk. So he offers to come over via text. I said no, that should have been your question from the beginning. then he gives me all these excuses (im not family I couldnt have come in with you, I was concerned but didnt want to freak you out by coming there). Which made me more livid. I finally told him stop texting me. I am sick of your excuses. I said I think we need to take a break from this relationship because I need someone who cares about me. He cannot understand why I am upset and no apology from him for making the mistake. He texted me this morning as if nothing happened last night.

All my friends who called me last night and this morning asked why wasnt older man with you? Where was he and what was he doing? All i can answer was he was home. I dont know why he wasnt there. 

Am I over reacting to break it off with him?


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> please tell me if you think I am over-reacting.
> 
> I injured my back and neck 2 weeks ago. I have been having some continual issues. Well yesterday, older man and I were supposed to meet at my house for dinner and to watch his kid online (she is a diver). But an hour before I left work, I had an episode where my whole head and face went numb. I called my primary doctor who had seen me a week ago and she told me get to the ER immediately. So I texted him told him doctor is sending me to the ER for the numbness (I texted him when i first got it but it was getting worse). So he tells me Ok, I am going home text me with the updates. I drove myself to the ER and was freaking out. My coworker wanted to drive me and stay with me. i said no I did text some friends on the way to pray for me. They all called me immediately.


I am going to say no. Is someone questioning you?


----------



## MRR

So...strange, just got a FB message from 'heavy texter'-- I havent heard from her in weeks. I am trying to remember, probably 4 weeks?

The message was just a link to a bunch of scenic waterfalls in our state. Previously when we had first gone out she had sent me a similar link I think about scenic small towns in our state. 

Guess she has been thinking about me....


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> So...strange, just got a FB message from 'heavy texter'-- I havent heard from her in weeks. I am trying to remember, probably 4 weeks?
> 
> The message was just a link to a bunch of scenic waterfalls in our state. Previously when we had first gone out she had sent me a similar link I think about scenic small towns in our state.
> 
> Guess she has been thinking about me....


I wonder if this means, like sounds like with FWB, that she liked me ok, dated some other guy for a few weeks, and then decided she wants to see me again.


----------



## bkyln309

MRR said:


> I am going to say no. Is someone questioning you?



I added more to the story. My computer froze and I had to add more. OLDER MAN doesnt know why I am upset.


----------



## bkyln309

MRR said:


> So...strange, just got a FB message from 'heavy texter'-- I havent heard from her in weeks. I am trying to remember, probably 4 weeks?
> 
> The message was just a link to a bunch of scenic waterfalls in our state. Previously when we had first gone out she had sent me a similar link I think about scenic small towns in our state.
> 
> Guess she has been thinking about me....


Booty call for the weekend?


----------



## ne9907

bkyln309 said:


> please tell me if you think I am over-reacting.
> 
> I injured my back and neck 2 weeks ago. I have been having some continual issues. Well yesterday, older man and I were supposed to meet at my house for dinner and to watch his kid online (she is a diver). But an hour before I left work, I had an episode where my whole head and face went numb. I called my primary doctor who had seen me a week ago and she told me get to the ER immediately. So I texted him told him doctor is sending me to the ER for the numbness (I texted him when i first got it but it was getting worse). they thought maybe i was having a stroke. So he tells me Ok, I am going home text me with the updates. I drove myself to the ER and was freaking out. My coworker wanted to drive me and stay with me. i said no I did text some friends on the way to pray for me. They all called me immediately. They were all out of town friends. So anyway, i do scans, EKG, bloodwork and a CT scan. All fine. They think i have done something to my neck which i need to see a specialist for.
> 
> The older man did text me but never offered to come to the ER with me. He went home. I know he wanted to see his daughter dive but i cant imagine leaving him to go to the ER alone in such a circumstance. It was planned he was coming my way anyway.
> 
> Then He texted me are you home yet and was shocked I on the phone with a friend and didnt want to talk. So he offers to come over via text. I said no, that should have been your question from the beginning. then he gives me all these excuses (im not family I couldnt have come in with you, I was concerned but didnt want to freak you out by coming there). Which made me more livid. I finally told him stop texting me. I am sick of your excuses. I said I think we need to take a break from this relationship because I need someone who cares about me. He cannot understand why I am upset and no apology from him for making the mistake. He texted me this morning as if nothing happened last night.
> 
> All my friends who called me last night and this morning asked why wasnt older man with you? Where was he and what was he doing? All i can answer was he was home. I dont know why he wasnt there.
> 
> Am I over reacting to break it off with him?


You are not over reacting. I would dump him. His actions shows he lacks empathy. 
We ALL want someone by our side on a health crisis or any crisis. I am sorry you went through that alone.
Are you feeling better??


----------



## bkyln309

ne9907 said:


> You are not over reacting. I would dump him. His actions shows he lacks empathy.
> We ALL want someone by our side on a health crisis or any crisis. I am sorry you went through that alone.
> Are you feeling better??


My neck still is in pain. I am very active so this is killing me. I cant run or hike or lift until they find out what it is.


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> I wonder if this means, like sounds like with FWB, that she liked me ok, dated some other guy for a few weeks, and then decided she wants to see me again.


Let me be honest and ask you a straight question. You do not have to answer.

What are your flaws? Has anyone said to you, if it wasn't for x and y reason, I would totally be with you?

Reason I ask is because these women keep coming back to you but are NOT willing to commit. Could there be something on your end? Not saying it is your fault, but are you unconsciously attracting the wrong kind of women?

For example, the ex has a lot of faults and is unwilling to compromise on key issues I had with our relationship. At one point, I poured my heart out to him (yes this is the loser ex) and he just said "This is the way I am and it is very unlikely I will change"
THat was my exit cue....

So, what I am suggesting is for your to look inside yourself and find out if there are some key areas which might need improvement, if not then FVck those women~ (not literally


----------



## ne9907

bkyln309 said:


> I added more to the story. My computer froze and I had to add more. OLDER MAN doesnt know why I am upset.


He lacks empathy!!! How can he NOT know why you are upset? 
A medical crisis is one of the worst events in someone's life???

Seriously, the worst kind of person to be around is someone who lacks empathy...


----------



## bkyln309

ne9907 said:


> He lacks empathy!!! How can he NOT know why you are upset?
> A medical crisis is one of the worst events in someone's life???
> 
> Seriously, the worst kind of person to be around is someone who lacks empathy...


The thing is if it had been one of his male friends or his children, he would have been there no question. And i could understand if we just starting dating but I have been with him a year. I dont know maybe I am expecting too much. It turned out not to be a stroke (all my bloodwork was stellar) but what if it had been major. He didnt even know the ER I went to. He didnt bother to ask.


----------



## Acoa

bkyln309 said:


> please tell me if you think I am over-reacting.
> 
> I injured my back and neck 2 weeks ago. I have been having some continual issues. Well yesterday, older man and I were supposed to meet at my house for dinner and to watch his kid online (she is a diver). But an hour before I left work, I had an episode where my whole head and face went numb. I called my primary doctor who had seen me a week ago and she told me get to the ER immediately. So I texted him told him doctor is sending me to the ER for the numbness (I texted him when i first got it but it was getting worse). they thought maybe i was having a stroke. So he tells me Ok, I am going home text me with the updates. I drove myself to the ER and was freaking out. My coworker wanted to drive me and stay with me. i said no I did text some friends on the way to pray for me. They all called me immediately. They were all out of town friends. So anyway, i do scans, EKG, bloodwork and a CT scan. All fine. They think i have done something to my neck which i need to see a specialist for.
> 
> The older man did text me but never offered to come to the ER with me. He went home. I know he wanted to see his daughter dive but i cant imagine leaving him to go to the ER alone in such a circumstance. It was planned he was coming my way anyway.
> 
> Then He texted me are you home yet and was shocked I on the phone with a friend and didnt want to talk. So he offers to come over via text. I said no, that should have been your question from the beginning. then he gives me all these excuses (im not family I couldnt have come in with you, I was concerned but didnt want to freak you out by coming there). Which made me more livid. I finally told him stop texting me. I am sick of your excuses. I said I think we need to take a break from this relationship because I need someone who cares about me. He cannot understand why I am upset and no apology from him for making the mistake. He texted me this morning as if nothing happened last night.
> 
> All my friends who called me last night and this morning asked why wasnt older man with you? Where was he and what was he doing? All i can answer was he was home. I dont know why he wasnt there.
> 
> Am I over reacting to break it off with him?



How many dates have you been on? Over what time frame? Been intimate yet? I

If you've been dating him less than a month, fewer than six dates and bonded yet, his response is kinda understandable. 

If you've been dating longer and been intimate, he should have been there for you. 

It's crossing that line from being your date to being your boyfriend that makes the difference.


Edit - just saw your update, yeah, after a year, he should have rushed to your side. Tell him bye Felicia. 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> please tell me if you think I am over-reacting.
> 
> I injured my back and neck 2 weeks ago. I have been having some continual issues. Well yesterday, older man and I were supposed to meet at my house for dinner and to watch his kid online (she is a diver). But an hour before I left work, I had an episode where my whole head and face went numb. I called my primary doctor who had seen me a week ago and she told me get to the ER immediately. So I texted him told him doctor is sending me to the ER for the numbness (I texted him when i first got it but it was getting worse). they thought maybe i was having a stroke. So he tells me Ok, I am going home text me with the updates. I drove myself to the ER and was freaking out. My coworker wanted to drive me and stay with me. i said no I did text some friends on the way to pray for me. They all called me immediately. They were all out of town friends. So anyway, i do scans, EKG, bloodwork and a CT scan. All fine. They think i have done something to my neck which i need to see a specialist for.
> 
> The older man did text me but never offered to come to the ER with me. He went home. I know he wanted to see his daughter dive but i cant imagine leaving him to go to the ER alone in such a circumstance. It was planned he was coming my way anyway.
> 
> Then He texted me are you home yet and was shocked I on the phone with a friend and didnt want to talk. So he offers to come over via text. I said no, that should have been your question from the beginning. then he gives me all these excuses (im not family I couldnt have come in with you, I was concerned but didnt want to freak you out by coming there). Which made me more livid. I finally told him stop texting me. I am sick of your excuses. I said I think we need to take a break from this relationship because I need someone who cares about me. He cannot understand why I am upset and no apology from him for making the mistake. He texted me this morning as if nothing happened last night.
> 
> All my friends who called me last night and this morning asked why wasnt older man with you? Where was he and what was he doing? All i can answer was he was home. I dont know why he wasnt there.
> 
> Am I over reacting to break it off with him?



ok, so the complet message was not posted when i originally responded. 

I think...possibly, however I cannot judge your feelings. You have a right to feel like you needed him if you did. Is it possible he just made a mistake in underestimating the seriousness?


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> Let me be honest and ask you a straight question. You do not have to answer.
> 
> What are your flaws? Has anyone said to you, if it wasn't for x and y reason, I would totally be with you?
> 
> Reason I ask is because these women keep coming back to you but are NOT willing to commit. Could there be something on your end? Not saying it is your fault, but are you unconsciously attracting the wrong kind of women?
> 
> For example, the ex has a lot of faults and is unwilling to compromise on key issues I had with our relationship. At one point, I poured my heart out to him (yes this is the loser ex) and he just said "This is the way I am and it is very unlikely I will change"
> THat was my exit cue....
> 
> So, what I am suggesting is for your to look inside yourself and find out if there are some key areas which might need improvement, if not then FVck those women~ (not literally


I am certain that yes, I have flaws. However I have not had either of these women state any issues/concerns, etc with me. In fairness, heavy texter and I do not know each other very well, 3 dates and all of them somewhat short. FWB though it is coming up on a year and we DO know each other well. The only thing that SHE has said is that 'i am not looking for a relationship'; nothing about the way I have acted, who I am or anything I have done. 

As an aside, I do not know heavy texter as well but if it started heading towards a relationship I would feel her more loyal/trustworthy/reliable. That is just a gut thing about FWB and might be because HT has been divorced 4-5 years and FWB not even a year yet.


----------



## bkyln309

MRR said:


> I am certain that yes, I have flaws. However I have not had either of these women state any issues/concerns, etc with me. In fairness, heavy texter and I do not know each other very well, 3 dates and all of them somewhat short. FWB though it is coming up on a year and we DO know each other well. The only thing that SHE has said is that 'i am not looking for a relationship'; nothing about the way I have acted, who I am or anything I have done.
> 
> As an aside, I do not know heavy texter as well but if it started heading towards a relationship I would feel her more loyal/trustworthy/reliable. That is just a gut thing about FWB and might be because HT has been divorced 4-5 years and FWB not even a year yet.


Do you want FWB with heavy texter or a relationship?


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> The thing is if it had been one of his male friends or his children, he would have been there no question. And i could understand if we just starting dating but I have been with him a year. I dont know maybe I am expecting too much. It turned out not to be a stroke (all my bloodwork was stellar) but what if it had been major. He didnt even know the ER I went to. He didnt bother to ask.


I don't want to say I told you so, but... 

You have always been dead last on this guy's priority list. Hell, his fvcking GOLF GAME is more important than you are. This is why I've said before, why are you even with him.

And you've accepted it this entire time. You know you deserve better, and yet you put up with it.

You're not over-reacting. You are under-reacting. 

You guys have been together for a YEAR. You were going to the EMERGENCY ROOM. You thought you might be having a STROKE.

And he went home and said, "Text me when you have an update."

He should have been with you at the ER. It doesn't matter that you're not family. I've had friends take me to the ER; I've accompanied my friends to the ER.

This guy is an ASSH0LE. I've thought this for a really long time, but I kept my mouth shut because you liked him, but I'm not now.

Ne is right, he has NO EMPATHY. You were scared and you were alone. HE LEFT YOU ALONE WHEN YOU NEEDED HIM THE MOST.

What does that say about how important you are to him?

I know he wanted to watch his daughter dive. But this is one of those rare moments where you prioritize your partner over your kid. Emergency situations.

He's never going to prioritize you. You will always come last with him. He has made that abundantly clear. You need to drop him. Immediately. 

This isn't something he can make up for. This isn't something that is made OK by an apology. This is a fundamental flaw in his character and how he values you as a person--which is to say that he doesn't. At all.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> I don't want to say I told you so, but...
> 
> You have always been dead last on this guy's priority list. Hell, his fvcking GOLF GAME is more important than you are. This is why I've said before, why are you even with him.
> 
> And you've accepted it this entire time. You know you deserve better, and yet you put up with it.
> 
> You're not over-reacting. You are under-reacting.
> 
> You guys have been together for a YEAR. You were going to the EMERGENCY ROOM. You thought you might be having a STROKE.
> 
> And he went home and said, "Text me when you have an update."
> 
> He should have been with you at the ER. It doesn't matter that you're not family. I've had friends take me to the ER; I've accompanied my friends to the ER.
> 
> This guy is an ASSH0LE. I've thought this for a really long time, but I kept my mouth shut because you liked him, but I'm not now.
> 
> Ne is right, he has NO EMPATHY. You were scared and you were alone. HE LEFT YOU ALONE WHEN YOU NEEDED HIM THE MOST.
> 
> What does that say about how important you are to him?
> 
> I know he wanted to watch his daughter dive. But this is one of those rare moments where you prioritize your partner over your kid. Emergency situations.
> 
> He's never going to prioritize you. You will always come last with him. He has made that abundantly clear. You need to drop him. Immediately.
> 
> This isn't something he can make up for. This isn't something that is made OK by an apology. This is a fundamental flaw in his character and how he values you as a person--which is to say that he doesn't. At all.


Now that I have a little better background-ie, you have been together a year--you definitely deserved more last night and deserve more in general (if golf is a higher priority than you).


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> Do you want FWB with heavy texter or a relationship?


I do not know if I want either, but was interested in getting to know her better at the point where she did not seem interested a few weeks ago. 

Which interestingly enough is about the exact same time that the actual FWB reached out again after I ran into her at the book store.


----------



## ne9907

I am connecting quite nicely with the 47 year old. I went to see him again yesterday, we were together for over 6 hours, chatting, having sex, chatting. He is different from anyone I have ever been with. 
He has brought me coffee to work three days in a row.

We talk a lot, about us, about our experiences, lives, children (his I don't have any). He seems to be a great dad which is a plus. He puts a lot of emphasis on his children's lives and future and I adore that. 

I do get freak out a bit sometimes because he feels lucky to meet me and be around me. He tells me how wonderful I am. We have known each other less than a week mind you. He is a heavy texter, but does not mind at all when I am busy and do not respond. The other day I had to tell him to please stop texting because I was going to bed and nobody messes with my sleep!!
He understood 
I am not his first relationship post divorce, he has had other relationships. I am wary of his attention to be honest but perhaps the feelings I am having are just residual effects from my bad marriage. 

Time will tell.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bkyln309 said:


> please tell me if you think I am over-reacting.... then he gives me all these excuses (im not family I couldnt have come in with you, I was concerned but didnt want to freak you out by coming there). Which made me more livid. I finally told him stop texting me. I am sick of your excuses. I said I think we need to take a break from this relationship because I need someone who cares about me. He cannot understand why I am upset and no apology from him for making the mistake. He texted me this morning as if nothing happened last night.


No, but if he is usually making excuses, maybe it's the case that you under-reacted previously. Now you are seeing the light. Sounds like you gave him plenty of chances and weren't keen to possibly throw the baby out with the bathwater. But, he is bathwater...

I just dumped a 'friend'. Actually, I'm ghosting her. Last Monday she declined to go 2 minutes out of her way and pay $1 on the toll road, to come have dinner with me after she took a day off skiing...I took 2 days off for her and more last summer, hottest day of the year, to bring her to hospital for elective surgery...and wait at the hospital, pay for parking, pay for my own breakfast, wait around bored, drive her home, take care of her for the day, drive home 1.5 hours, pay tolls, etc. So I hear from her by email...she has finally figured out the issue, sends me a list of excuses of why she couldn't come to have dinner with me. How about, just not interested to see me, but if I had offered to have dinner ready and waiting here for her...I was just back from Montreal and wanted to eat out vs. going grocery shopping and cooking...mind you we both have $ for a café dinner but she is cheap).

Don't second guess your decision. I have been accepting her excuses and decided I would make more of an effort to show her the value of our friendship (i.e. the surgery, and the continued care and concern after she had subsequent emergency surgery due to complications - she cheaped herself on her followup care, no kidding!!!!) plus had her here for Thanksgiving dinner where she kept bringing up past husbands/ex with my other guest, who has PTSD from her ex literally trying to kill her...and this 'friend' did not see the harm in her line of conversation!!!!

Don't look back. Excuses are good stories and appeal to logic, but if someone TRULY cares, they will put you first if they can, they will be happy to see you given a choice. If you're not feeling the love, that's because there is none, it's not you. :x


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bkyln309 said:


> My neck still is in pain. I am very active so this is killing me. I cant run or hike or lift until they find out what it is.


It sounds like what it is, a pain in the neck. My 6th sense tells me that your body is likely telling you that you literally have a pain in the neck. As soon as you get rid of HIM, the pain is likely to dissipate. Of course, it's still good to get checked out.

But, you would be surprised at what our bodies tell us.

My ex almost killed me, just with how he was acting towards me. My mind accepted his stories, my body knew way better.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bkyln309 said:


> The thing is if it had been one of his male friends or his children, he would have been there no question. And i could understand if we just starting dating but I have been with him a year. I dont know maybe I am expecting too much. It turned out not to be a stroke (all my bloodwork was stellar) but what if it had been major. He didnt even know the ER I went to. He didnt bother to ask.


That's because it's generally unacceptable to have sex in the ER.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> together for over 6 hours, chatting, having sex, chatting.He has brought me coffee to work three days in a row.
> 
> He puts a lot of emphasis on his children's lives and future and I adore that.
> 
> We have known each other less than a week mind you. He is a heavy texter, but does not mind at all when I am busy and do not respond. The other day I had to tell him to please stop texting because I was going to bed and nobody messes with my sleep!!
> He understood
> I am wary of his attention to be honest but perhaps the feelings I am having are just residual effects from my bad marriage.
> 
> Time will tell.


Definitely need more time...
To me, he sounds like a stalker. I would pay attention to your wary feeling and not be quick to blame it on your past experience and second guess your feelings.

You should put a limit on the time you talk (30 minutes tops) the frequency (not every day), you should not let him come to your workplace (if you break up with him, he could cause troubles WHERE YOU EARN YOUR INCOME!!!), and you shouldn't see him more than 2 times a week and no more than 4 hours at a time.

HOW IS HE BEING SO DEDICATED TO HIS CHILDREN...if he is spending so much time with you?  When does he work, when does he take care of all the things a person needs to take care of in their life...be very wary of anyone who takes over your waking hours and starts to impede on your sleeping hours in such a short period of time. Stalkers and those with poor impulse control and inability to be by themselves are the worst...once you sleep with them and they think they 'own' your attention in some way, they can become crazed obsessive types. I had to call the police to have a talk with one guy...and because of what he did and how he was acting, they could have arrested him. It would have made things worse for me. If you live in a place where it is difficult to have police who care and actually have the time to do this, good luck. You would then have to go ape-sh*t crazy on him and turn the tables to get him to go away. And then run the risk of him calling the police on you (and they're more likely to listen to him...trust me...)


----------



## TooNice

I have to agree with the other responses here, bkyln. Given how long you've been seeing him, he should have been there for you. You deserve more than what he's given you, but this just tops it off.


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I am connecting quite nicely with the 47 year old. I went to see him again yesterday, we were together for over 6 hours, chatting, having sex, chatting. He is different from anyone I have ever been with.
> He has brought me coffee to work three days in a row.
> 
> We talk a lot, about us, about our experiences, lives, children (his I don't have any). He seems to be a great dad which is a plus. He puts a lot of emphasis on his children's lives and future and I adore that.
> 
> I do get freak out a bit sometimes because he feels lucky to meet me and be around me. He tells me how wonderful I am. We have known each other less than a week mind you. He is a heavy texter, but does not mind at all when I am busy and do not respond. The other day I had to tell him to please stop texting because I was going to bed and nobody messes with my sleep!!
> He understood
> I am not his first relationship post divorce, he has had other relationships. I am wary of his attention to be honest but perhaps the feelings I am having are just residual effects from my bad marriage.
> 
> Time will tell.
> 
> 
> 
> Definitely need more time...
> To me, he sounds like a stalker. I would pay attention to your wary feeling and not be quick to blame it on your past experience and second guess your feelings.
> 
> You should put a limit on the time you talk (30 minutes tops) the frequency (not every day), you should not let him come to your workplace (if you break up with him, he could cause troubles WHERE YOU EARN YOUR INCOME!!!), and you shouldn't see him more than 2 times a week and no more than 4 hours at a time.
> 
> HOW IS HE BEING SO DEDICATED TO HIS CHILDREN...if he is spending so much time with you? When does he work, when does he take care of all the things a person needs to take care of in their life...be very wary of anyone who takes over your waking hours and starts to impede on your sleeping hours in such a short period of time. Stalkers and those with poor impulse control and inability to be by themselves are the worst...once you sleep with them and they think they 'own' your attention in some way, they can become crazed obsessive types. I had to call the police to have a talk with one guy...and because of what he did and how he was acting, they could have arrested him. It would have made things worse for me. If you live in a place where it is difficult to have police who care and actually have the time to do this, good luck. You would then have to go ape-sh*t crazy on him and turn the tables to get him to go away. And then run the risk of him calling the police on you (and they're more likely to listen to him...trust me...)
Click to expand...

Or love bombing you. That was my first reaction. He's laying it on crazy thick, trying to get you hooked. 

Please be careful.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> Then He texted me are you home yet and was shocked I on the phone with a friend and didnt want to talk. So he offers to come over via text. I said no, that should have been your question from the beginning. then he gives me all these excuses (im not family I couldnt have come in with you, I was concerned but didnt want to freak you out by coming there). Which made me more livid. I finally told him stop texting me. I am sick of your excuses. I said I think we need to take a break from this relationship because I need someone who cares about me. He cannot understand why I am upset and no apology from him for making the mistake. He texted me this morning as if nothing happened last night.
> 
> All my friends who called me last night and this morning asked why wasnt older man with you? Where was he and what was he doing? All i can answer was he was home. I dont know why he wasnt there.
> 
> Am I over reacting to break it off with him?


You are absolutely NOT overreacting! And I hate to say this, but I am not in the least bit surprised that he did this! I have been feeling all along that he doesn't really care, and now he proved me right! (unfortunately!) Leave him dumped and move on to better!

Hope youre feeling better!


----------



## Another Planet

Good to see so many familiar faces still around 
Hope everyone is doing well!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I don't want to say I told you so, but...
> 
> You have always been dead last on this guy's priority list. Hell, his fvcking GOLF GAME is more important than you are. This is why I've said before, why are you even with him.
> 
> And you've accepted it this entire time. You know you deserve better, and yet you put up with it.
> 
> You're not over-reacting. You are under-reacting.
> 
> You guys have been together for a YEAR. You were going to the EMERGENCY ROOM. You thought you might be having a STROKE.
> 
> And he went home and said, "Text me when you have an update."
> 
> He should have been with you at the ER. It doesn't matter that you're not family. I've had friends take me to the ER; I've accompanied my friends to the ER.
> 
> This guy is an ASSH0LE. I've thought this for a really long time, but I kept my mouth shut because you liked him, but I'm not now.
> 
> Ne is right, he has NO EMPATHY. You were scared and you were alone. HE LEFT YOU ALONE WHEN YOU NEEDED HIM THE MOST.
> 
> What does that say about how important you are to him?
> 
> I know he wanted to watch his daughter dive. But this is one of those rare moments where you prioritize your partner over your kid. Emergency situations.
> 
> He's never going to prioritize you. You will always come last with him. He has made that abundantly clear. You need to drop him. Immediately.
> 
> This isn't something he can make up for. This isn't something that is made OK by an apology. This is a fundamental flaw in his character and how he values you as a person--which is to say that he doesn't. At all.


I cannot like this twice, so sharing to say YES THIS!!!! 

:iagree:


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## ne9907

OMG FIP... I read on love bombing and yes it sounds similar to what he is doing. I am not seeing this weekend as I am going on a trip. I will definitely talk to him, I do not want him to go all crazy and ape **** on me. 

eeewww..... please no stalkers please....


----------



## SecondTime'Round

I joined OK Cupid (again; I did it 5 years ago, too) 2 days ago and I'm already thinking of turning it off. There has to be a happy medium between the ghost town that is eHarmony and the free sites like OK Cupid. I have gotten messages from 69 people in 2 days. It's overwhelming, and not very many put any effort into that first message. Then they'll send 2 or 3 more if you don't respond. The one thing I do like about eHarmony is that a user can't message you again until you message back. 

Men, don't be so pushy.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Love bombing...same as stalking, only legitimately, because you're a participant...
And when you stop being a willing participant, and communicate that, and it continues....
it's a crime. So when you decide to end it, do it clearly and do it in a way that is documented (text, notarized letter) and make it final, no contact, for whatever reason.

Seducing and love bombing | Dating a Sociopath


----------



## vi_bride04

TooNice said:


> I have to agree with the other responses here, bkyln. Given how long you've been seeing him, he should have been there for you. You deserve more than what he's given you, but this just tops it off.


Yeah.... Agreeing as well. 

I spent almost 2 years with FWB and similar has happened. Don't waste your time with this one, they don't change, no empathy sucks to put up with. It's very very hurtful. 


FeministInPink said:


> Or love bombing you. That was my first reaction. He's laying it on crazy thick, trying to get you hooked.
> 
> Please be careful.


I was going to say the same thing. Watch out for those ones!!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

Another Planet said:


> Good to see so many familiar faces still around
> Hope everyone is doing well!


No it's not, it means we're still single! 

Good to see you!


----------



## RandomDude

So... miss pony be telling me she be fantasing and thinking naughty thoughts about me, but she be not fking me... so meh

Bah!



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Love bombing...same as stalking, only legitimately, because you're a participant...
> And when you stop being a willing participant, and communicate that, and it continues....
> it's a crime. So when you decide to end it, do it clearly and do it in a way that is documented (text, notarized letter) and make it final, no contact, for whatever reason.
> 
> Seducing and love bombing | Dating a Sociopath


Ey? I'm a sociopath and I don't lovebomb


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Love bombing...same as stalking, only legitimately, because you're a participant...
> And when you stop being a willing participant, and communicate that, and it continues....
> it's a crime. So when you decide to end it, do it clearly and do it in a way that is documented (text, notarized letter) and make it final, no contact, for whatever reason.
> 
> Seducing and love bombing | Dating a Sociopath


That is the article I read because I had no idea what love bombing was.

I am getting extremely uncomfortable.... I do not wish to be in that position again. I usually get no signal at work except when I go outside. So I just went outside and there were two messages from him saying
"Just thinking about you and hoping you are having a good day!" and a bunch of love emojis....
I am calling him tonight to tell him his messages make me uncomfortable...


----------



## RandomDude

He probably just has no game or exp with women, I doubt many men out there nowadays believe stalking is a viable route in getting laid


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> He probably just has no game or exp with women, I doubt many men out there nowadays believe stalking is a viable route in getting laid



Hmm

My last boyfriend was just like Ne's date. In the beginning I thought that he didn't have any game. However, texted me constantly, was head over heels in love with me after 3 weeks, wanted to propose to me after 3 months, wanted me to move in with him 5 months later. He turned out to be a liar, abuser who verbally put me down and punched a wall "cause I was creating issues". Maybe it's just me but he's sending a lot of red flags. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

I did not reply to any of his messages this morning. Two.
I just received another one 10 min ago
"Hey lovely lady how was your day😘😘😘😘😘"

I called him and told him to scale down on his texts because they make me uncomfortable. He said. Ok. No problem. I will. 

I set up a boundary. If he does not maintain my boundary I will call him and end our friendship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

ne9907 said:


> I did not reply to any of his messages this morning. Two.
> I just received another one 10 min ago
> "Hey lovely lady how was your day😘😘😘😘😘"
> 
> I called him and told him to scale down on his texts because they make me uncomfortable. He said. Ok. No problem. I will.
> 
> I set up a boundary. If he does not maintain my boundary I will call him and end our friendship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good for you! Well done . (I kinda get the feeling you're a great catch, though, so I can kinda understand his enthusiasm  )


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

spinsterdurga said:


> Hmm
> 
> My last boyfriend was just like Ne's date. In the beginning I thought that he didn't have any game. However, texted me constantly, was head over heels in love with me after 3 weeks, wanted to propose to me after 3 months, wanted me to move in with him 5 months later. He turned out to be a liar, abuser who verbally put me down and punched a wall "cause I was creating issues". Maybe it's just me but he's sending a lot of red flags.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yep, that was my last boyfriend too. At first I thought, okay, we caught up on some high school days and figured out who we knew in common...but then things got weirder and weirder. This was the guy who had to move my car off the street, and put it behind his car...you know...bacon guy. The one who couldn't abide by my request for him not to contact me, and got coal in his stocking on Christmas Eve from Santa's Elves (our police force). He's not even allowed in my town now, they said if they see him he'll be arrested.

I have a rule now, if someone interferes with my work or my sleep, after I've communicated clear boundaries, they're history.


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## Lifescript

Bklyn, 

Late to this but no you are definitely not overreacting. It's time like this where people who care really need to step it up.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I did not reply to any of his messages this morning. Two.
> I just received another one 10 min ago
> "Hey lovely lady how was your day����������"
> 
> I called him and told him to scale down on his texts because they make me uncomfortable. He said. Ok. No problem. I will.
> 
> I set up a boundary. If he does not maintain my boundary I will call him and end our friendship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol
Crash and burn

Some men can be cringe-worthy really... ack >.<
*cringe*


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Ey? I'm a sociopath and I don't lovebomb


Methinks you don't mean that word the way you think you do. Or you were joking..

so·ci·o·path
ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/
noun
a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a *lack of conscience.*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Lol
> Crash and burn
> 
> Some men can be cringe-worthy really... ack >.<
> *cringe*


Agreed. That's totally cringeworthy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I've never ghosted anyone before. I think my 'friend' has been through this before, because it's been a couple days and no phone call.
I'm not surprised. She probably went on and on to her teen kids and they said, mom, really, you bugged her on a Monday morning at 6 a.m. about making plans for Sunday, and then you couldn't go two minutes out of your way to have dinner with her, after what she did for you this past summer and how she totally hosted Thanksgiving so you wouldn't have to cook for us or deal with your dad....mom, that is a total friend fail...

Now I know why she couldn't find anyone to drive her to and from surgery this past summer, and had to drive herself to the hospital when she was bleeding to death, and left her younger kid home alone and had the 16 year old sit up all night in the waiting room and then take Uber to get back home to go to high school and take care of her younger sister. (I live over an hour away and have kids, and didn't find out about this til a day or so later...)

Maybe she'll wake up and get therapy, but probably not. She believes all the excuses she gives for needing to have everything easy for her in a friendship, because her life is so much more difficult than everyone else's (not)....we just know how to be happy and not whine about stuff that EVERYONE has to deal with. Being a single working parent who's usually healthy doesn't make you a martyr. Especially since you're a well-educated adult capable of making your own choices...so who do you have to blame for your unhappiness? Look in the mirror, chickie, you're 50+ and still whining after all these years. Get a grip.

I am not going to miss her. Already I feel the fresh air and a sense of being unburdened. If she were a man I would have ditched her long ago.


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> Methinks you don't mean that word the way you think you do. Or you were joking..
> 
> so·ci·o·path
> ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/
> noun
> a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a *lack of conscience.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup, that's me 
I'm a functional sociopath now, have been for the last 12 years, but it wasn't always so

For me, it wasn't a permanent condition and in my case I simply needed to remove myself from the hostile environment I was in, while alcohol also aided me in becoming social, which then led me to understand the moral standards of others, which in turn - progressively "cured" me of the so-called sociopathy over the years that I was diagnosed with during my teens.

Looking back though, it makes me wonder if the psychologist who warded me was accurate in his diagnosis or if I'm still a sociopath on the loose who needs to be jailed... or if I'm right, and the term "sociopathy" is a joke and that people are simply products of their environment as I was.


----------



## vi_bride04

I didn't think true sociopaths ever changed their behavior as they never see themselves as the problem


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Yup, that's me
> I'm a functional sociopath now, have been for the last 12 years, but it wasn't always so
> 
> For me, it wasn't a permanent condition and in my case I simply needed to remove myself from the hostile environment I was in, while alcohol also aided me in becoming social, which then led me to understand the moral standards of others, which in turn - progressively "cured" me of the so-called sociopathy over the years that I was diagnosed with during my teens.
> 
> Looking back though, it makes me wonder if the psychologist who warded me was accurate in his diagnosis or if I'm still a sociopath on the loose who needs to be jailed... or if I'm right, and the term "sociopathy" is a joke and that people are simply products of their environment as I was.


I don't think you're a sociopath. I think it was mis-diagnosis, or environmental reactionary behavior.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## moxy

TooNice, FIP, ne, thanks for the welcomes!  

FIP, yes we can be accountability-buddies if you like! 

Ne, guy moved away so I haven't seen him in a few months. I suspect he's moved on. I'm not really in the mood to date, but I think I have to try. 

Still catching up on the thread! More replies soon, cool people!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I don't think you're a sociopath. I think it was mis-diagnosis, or environmental reactionary behavior.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


I reckon both really, still I can't deny I have my moments from time to time, especially since quitting alcohol. But I can never go back, especially not while I have my daughter to help me keep my humanity

Anyway, back to the topic of stalking... bleh!
I don't think it's sociopathic behaviour, just stupid!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

When someone thinks that you belong to them, regardless of the laws, and regardless of what you stated to them, and they continue to behave as though you do belong to them, and don't exist as an individual but are in their twisted minds, an extension of themselves that exists for their sexual gratification, above all else...then you would change your mind, and think it was more than stupid. It's definitely sociopathic. There are plenty of men who would keep woman in that locked up basement, if only they could afford it and get away with it. Don't fool yourself otherwise, and please, have some insight into a woman who thinks that she might like you and even love you in the future, in a trusting way, but needs to make sure you don't fall into the reject bin of perverts and misfits. There is a saying....if something/someone seems to be too good to be true, it/they probably aren't. So when a person finds something good, they'd be a fool not to throw caution to the wind. Do you really want to be involved with a fool, a woman who could be swept away into having relations and so forth with a guy who is just going to use her up and chuck her in the dustbin? 

Anyhow, that's my two cents from experience. You are a man, you are headstrong, you don't realize your resiliency and rise from the trenches mentality doesn't apply to most people who haven't had the same experiences you have. Most people do not grow up having to be mentally and physically tough to be on alert 24*7 and to make themselves from ground up, sometimes from below the ground up. Try to have some patience for how other people live their lives and make their decisions. Each person is unique. Tolerance is very important. 

One of the things that really used to get to me, was when people thought that I was being deceptive or dishonest or not telling the truth, when I knew that I was. It hurts to give the world your best, to live transparently and then to be distrusted or taken advantage of. But just because we think we are being transparent, doesn't always match up to others experience and what they see. Trying to change that in advance of when they are ready to see it is going to put them into alert more and to be even more cautious. One just needs to stick to their guns and continue to follow your own philosophy without being a pushover. Another thing is not to expect others to put on their 100% best 100% of the time. I think a lot of people in the dating world don't allow others to just have periods of laziness or falling off the fitness wagon or work schedule or something like that. They want to see a long long long history of being perfect, which doesn't exist. When I'm dating, I always make a point to make sure that at some time not too long after meeting, a guy will have a chance to see me without much or any makeup (I have great skin and am healthy) but I couldn't seriously date someone who expected my legs to be shaved every day, to never have a bad hair day, and to always be made up. Not going to happen. I also have slumps in work motivation, and times when it takes me quite a long while to reach a decision on something, or am waiting, literally or figuratively, for the wind to change direction before making a move. 

Just some thoughts.


----------



## TooNice

:agree:

Very good message, Homemaker. 

I would never expect perfection of anyone. In fact, I welcome an opportunity to show each other how we can be there for one another on the bad days or slumps. 

My only hands down requirement is honesty. Sadly, that's proving to be a tough trait to find.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

TooNice said:


> :agree:
> 
> Very good message, Homemaker.
> 
> I would never expect perfection of anyone. In fact, I welcome an opportunity to show each other how we can be there for one another on the bad days or slumps.
> 
> My only hands down requirement is honesty. Sadly, that's proving to be a tough trait to find.


That's because most people find that in the short term, they benefit from 'creative license' and because the payoff (usually sex involved as well as ego stroking and feeding of various harmless delusions and fantasies) is high, they are not interested in taking the risk to have a long term payoff. This is normal human behavior. 

You need to give people some leeway to use creative license...so when they start 'spinning' say, yes, I agree, isn't it so frustrating when your daily workout schedule is ruined, or you have a bad race, or you lose your temper...or along those lines. 

Don't let a perfectly good person who is spinning because of the short-term payoff they want, back themselves into a corner where it becomes impossible for them to reveal the bigger truths in their lives. 

IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO LIE, AT LEAST. ONE TO TELL THE LIE AND THE OTHER TO ALLOW IT/ACCEPT IT. 

Build a collective truth, some 'deceit' is normal in the pursuit of romance, but make sure to build a serious relationship on truths that involve deal breakers, while keeping some of the 'deceit' in your romance to feed it. It's an art form...seriously. One the older generation was good at, but I fear the younger generation has lost.


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> TooNice, FIP, ne, thanks for the welcomes!
> 
> FIP, yes we can be accountability-buddies if you like!
> 
> Ne, guy moved away so I haven't seen him in a few months. I suspect he's moved on. I'm not really in the mood to date, but I think I have to try.
> 
> Still catching up on the thread! More replies soon, cool people!


Guy moved away? How far? If it's close enough, there's no reason you can't get in touch when you're ready.


----------



## FeministInPink

@Homemaker_Numero_Uno & @TooNice -- I have found that my sincerity and genuine nature has worked against me in dating, because as Homemaker noted, people assume you're being disingenuous, because that's the game nearly everyone is playing. I'm looking for a man who can be/is the same, and it feels like I'm looking for the holy grail.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## vi_bride04

I think I'm done with OLD and dating in general for a bit. I feel very disorganized. I want and need to get some things together for summer and vacation plans I'm making. I think the effort I'm wasting with the opposite sex would be put to better use by focusing on myself. 

FWB ending seems to be affecting me more on an emotional level than I would like it to as well. I need to get some of my confidence back.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> @Homemaker_Numero_Uno & @TooNice -- I have found that my sincerity and genuine nature has worked against me in dating, because as Homemaker noted, people assume you're being disingenuous, because that's the game nearly everyone is playing. I'm looking for a man who can be/is the same, and it feels like I'm looking for the holy grail.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


I've watched my cat deal with two adopted cats we took in (the first one died, she came with a kidney disease it seems). In both cases, he non-verbally TAUGHT them to play several games that are somewhat complex. He also trained them to respect his boundaries when he needs them to be respected. He's a very tolerant cat. Both of the new cats absolutely adored him.

I think there is a lesson to be learned here. Mates don't come ready-made to order, there is no finding the perfect person who is a great fit. There is finding someone to be flexible and willing to take a few swats, so long as you're willing to be badgered a bit and put up with having to share the window seat, the litter box, and being licked sometimes to be generous, even when you really don't want to be. 

I also think that having everything transparent right up front leaves nothing to look forward to. Good character is one thing, but romance needs a bit of mystery, it also needs a bit of resistance and flirting, etc. The 'what's going to happen next' I think is critical (in a good way...) in a relationship. It's expected that people are going to evolve, putting it all on a platter and never changing it is a sure way to gather dust. 

I'm more than willing to play a part in someone's fantasy, but I still want that person to be able to drop all pretense and get down to the basics when and if the whistle blows, life has many time-outs.

The best way to deal with being too sincere is to actively maintain your own fantasies/Big Dreams in life, and to put them out there from time to time, and also most of the time, in terms of transparency and sincerity, to just keep one's mouth shut. Let your actions speak for you, and people will fill in whatever they need in between. Nothing squashes someone else's fantasies about you more than seeing the nuts and bolts. 

This falls in the 'separate bathrooms' category. Everyone wants closeness and to be understood completely, but, on a practical level, this is IMPOSSIBLE. If you want to be understood, find an author, preferably a dead one, whose work speaks to you, and read. That fulfills a need, and takes the edge off of a human partner and try to remember as well, not all partners want to be understood 100%. They are happy to have some understanding, a good attempt, and to have their needs met. 

These are just my own thoughts, in looking for a keeper relationship.


----------



## ne9907

@hmu you are totally right. I always gain a lot of insight from your posts!
I only wear lipstick on first dates. Sometimes on dates I comb my hair after shower and that's all I do. 
I always wear comfortable clothing. 
@moxy. Let guy go 

@secontimearound. Thank you so much. I am beginning to see that I am a good catch, but aren't we all??
@Too nice. I am always honest and kind of (what people would call) weird or corky during my dates. I remember when I was worried that the men I went out with wouldn't like me if I was being myself. However, I have had more men call back and ask for second dates when I began not caring if they liked me and being myself. I am extremely real when dating. 

The love bombing guy has kept his distance and I feel much better!! He has not bombarded me with texts or calls! 

I actually called him last night to see how his weekend is going and he was his normal self. Still on the fence with this one, time will tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

@hmu you are totally right. I always gain a lot of insight from your posts!
I only wear lipstick on first dates. Sometimes on dates I comb my hair after shower and that's all I do. 
I always wear comfortable clothing. 
@moxy. Let guy go 

@secontimearound. Thank you so much. I am beginning to see that I am a good catch, but aren't we all??
@Too nice. I am always honest and kind of (what people would call) weird or corky during my dates. I remember when I was worried that the men I went out with wouldn't like me if I was being myself. However, I have had more men call back and ask for second dates when I began not caring if they liked me and being myself. I am extremely real when dating. 

The love bombing guy has kept his distance and I feel much better!! He has not bombarded me with texts or calls! 

I actually called him last night to see how his weekend is going and he was his normal self. Still on the fence with this one, time will tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

Ack. Sorry for the long post here, but I need to type this out.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my divorce. I reflected a little (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...rnal-making-about-me-now-10.html#post15004194), but it was mostly just a day. I had dinner last night with the guy I have been seeing, and we had a great time. He came over after and we talked quite a bit about "us". We each had similar feelings this week that maybe we should just end things, but then we had such a nice time at dinner, we both tucked those feelings away until we shared them when it came up in conversation. The honesty thing is probably one of the biggest attractions I have to him. Despite the age difference, he really lays everything on the table, and we discuss and listen and and acknowledge each other. It's refreshing, given some of the experiences I have had. 

We are still in a very nebulous place. We like each other, and agree that it's perfectly acceptable to seize the moment and enjoy our time together for now. Except that we are both in places where we are ready to find something longer term. He's looking for someone to marry and have a family with; I am looking for a companion. And neither of us are comfortable multi-dating. So our conversation last night was basically about how we can be exclusive yet open to meeting new people at the same time. For now, we have left things as is, with the agreement that if we meet someone with potential, we tell the other person right away and break it off. I'm sure this will continue to evolve as we keep talking and navigating through this. 

I did jokingly say something that inferred a FWB arrangement, which is something I never would have seen myself in, but after we laughed about it, that may not be off the table. 

He had to leave a little later in the night, and my evening took a crazy turn after that. 

There is a guy from OLD that I have been texting wth for well over a year now. He's been over a few times (we have not had sex); we reconnect every so often via text, but I haven't seen him since the summer. I have basically told him that I really like him (I definitely see him as LTR material, but he has not been ready for that), and I'd love to give us a shot and go out on a date if he ever decides he's ready for that. Ball's been in his court. 

He texted last night and I let him come over. We talked for three hours. He won't give a lot of info, but my gut has always told me he's been burned and is very leery of someone with potential. I restated my position, but I'm still not certain where things are. With this one, I feel like I need to tread very carefully to not scare him away, but I am always left a little dazed and confused when I see him. 

The conversation about honesty and maybe not being completely transparent is very timely for me. Maybe that's how I need to approach him. I'm not sure what happens from here. If he does actually ask me out I will end it with the younger guy. But I also won't hold my breath for that date to happen. 

So this is what dating looks like when I delete my OLD profiles and go it on my own, huh? Good heavens.


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> Ack. Sorry for the long post here, but I need to type this out.
> 
> Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my divorce. I reflected a little (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...rnal-making-about-me-now-10.html#post15004194), but it was mostly just a day. I had dinner last night with the guy I have been seeing, and we had a great time. He came over after and we talked quite a bit about "us". We each had similar feelings this week that maybe we should just end things, but then we had such a nice time at dinner, we both tucked those feelings away until we shared them when it came up in conversation. The honesty thing is probably one of the biggest attractions I have to him. Despite the age difference, he really lays everything on the table, and we discuss and listen and and acknowledge each other. It's refreshing, given some of the experiences I have had.
> 
> We are still in a very nebulous place. We like each other, and agree that it's perfectly acceptable to seize the moment and enjoy our time together for now. Except that we are both in places where we are ready to find something longer term. He's looking for someone to marry and have a family with; I am looking for a companion. And neither of us are comfortable multi-dating. So our conversation last night was basically about how we can be exclusive yet open to meeting new people at the same time. For now, we have left things as is, with the agreement that if we meet someone with potential, we tell the other person right away and break it off. I'm sure this will continue to evolve as we keep talking and navigating through this.
> 
> I did jokingly say something that inferred a FWB arrangement, which is something I never would have seen myself in, but after we laughed about it, that may not be off the table.
> 
> He had to leave a little later in the night, and my evening took a cray turn after that.
> 
> There is a guy from OLD that I have been texting wth for well over a year now. He's been over a few times (we have not had sex); we reconnect every so often via text, but I haven't seen him since the summer. I have basically told him that I really like him (I definitely see him as LTR material, but he has not been ready for that), and I'd love to give us a shot and go out on a date if he ever decides he's ready for that. Ball's been in his court.
> 
> He texted last night and I let him come over. We talked for three hours. He won't give a lot of info, but my gut has always told me he's been burned and is very leery of someone with potential. I restated my position, but I'm still not certain where things are. With this one, I feel like I need to tread very carefully to not scare him away, but I am always left a little dazed and confused when I see him.
> 
> The conversation about honesty and maybe not being completely transparent is very timely for me. Maybe that's how I need to approach him. I'm not sure what happens from here. If he does actually ask me out I will end it with the younger guy. But I also won't hold my breath for that date to happen.
> 
> So this is what dating looks like when I delete my OLD profiles and go it on my own, huh? Good heavens.


Are you going to actually end it with the younger guy if/when this guy actually asks you out? What if you end it with the younger guy, go out with this guy once or twice and learn it isnt right? then you ended something you enjoy for nothing.

i am not disagreeing with your methods but just pointing that out. i find multi dating a bit distasteful myself.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Last night I went out with good conversation guy who canceled on me earlier in the week. We were both quite nervous since we'd already talked so much on the phone. It was a really good date with lots of hand holding and a nice good night kiss. But, he lives over an hour away and travels a lot (nature of his job). He's totally a "take home to mom" kind of man, so that's a bummer. With the time constraints of having kids half the time already part of the equation, add in distance, and I wonder (and he wonders) if a relationship would even be feasible.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> Are you going to actually end it with the younger guy if/when this guy actually asks you out? What if you end it with the younger guy, go out with this guy once or twice and learn it isnt right? then you ended something you enjoy for nothing.
> 
> i am not disagreeing with your methods but just pointing that out. i find multi dating a bit distasteful myself.


Yes, I would end it with him. That's what we've discussed, and I would respect that. Multi-dating is not my thing, either (hence my discomfort). And I guess I would risk losing what we do have, but we both said last night that we shouldn't risk missing out on a potential LTR with someone because of whatever it is that we have. This is complicated. I don't like complicated. Brings me back to thinking again that I should end it with the younger guy.


----------



## TooNice

SecondTime'Round said:


> Last night I went out with good conversation guy who canceled on me earlier in the week. We were both quite nervous since we'd already talked so much on the phone. It was a really good date with lots of hand holding and a nice good night kiss. But, he lives over an hour away and travels a lot (nature of his job). He's totally a "take home to mom" kind of man, so that's a bummer. With the time constraints of having kids half the time already part of the equation, add in distance, and I wonder (and he wonders) if a relationship would even be feasible.


Sounds worth a second date to see how it goes, though!


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> Yes, I would end it with him. That's what we've discussed, and I would respect that. Multi-dating is not my thing, either (hence my discomfort). And I guess I would risk losing what we do have, but we both said last night that we shouldn't risk missing out on a potential LTR with someone because of whatever it is that we have. This is complicated. I don't like complicated. Brings me back to thinking again that I should end it with the younger guy.


I guess in this case, it feels like the guy who has not asked you out is being a bit flaky about the whole thing, so that is why I was wondering if you would end it with younger guy for just a date or two with this other guy. Just my thoughts though. As a guy, if a woman I liked was interested in me I would at least have asked her on a date, and it _sounds_ like he is waffling.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> I guess in this case, it feels like the guy who has not asked you out is being a bit flaky about the whole thing, so that is why I was wondering if you would end it with younger guy for just a date or two with this other guy. Just my thoughts though. As a guy, if a woman I liked was interested in me I would at least have asked her on a date, and it _sounds_ like he is waffling.


Ugh. You're right, of course. This particular guy has some sort of weird hold on me. He has so many great qualities... except being willing to commit to try dating. Which is sort of an important one. It was just so nice to see him last night. 

I have a very busy week ahead, so I think I will throw myself into that, and try to clear my head a little. I'm a little confused at the moment.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Some days I think I will go mad from aloneness. 
But if Mr. Antidote to above saunters into my life tomorrow, my taxes are done and my work life is organized. 
I'm ready now. :-|
Any day.
Twiddling thumbs.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> @Homemaker_Numero_Uno & @TooNice -- I have found that my sincerity and genuine nature has worked against me in dating, because as Homemaker noted, people assume you're being disingenuous, because that's the game nearly everyone is playing. I'm looking for a man who can be/is the same, and it feels like I'm looking for the holy grail.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


Catching up on this thread ::waves:: 

Feels like you and I are leading parallel dating lives FIP. Regarding game playing....

A new guy started at work - and there was STRONG physical chemistry. Translation: I immediately wanted to rip his shirt off. ::Rawr::

Hence, I avoided him a bit because it's not very professional to rip off your co-workers shirts and/or undress them with your eyes. (Ok, I did that last one anyway.) He asked me out a few times, but I'd always (nicely) decline and tell him the truth - we shouldn't date because we worked together. 

Well, one day I got amazing news - I won a free trip to a fancy beach resort! Doesn't get much better than that. I went out for a drink to celebrate and who was at the bar? My Work Yum Yum!!

We had a few glasses of wine (think buzzed, but not drunk) and he invited me up to his place for another drink. At that point - I was like why the hell not. I won this great trip and now I can REALLY celebrate, if you catch my drift. Common sense was out the window. 

Once we get to this place, we start fooling around. But before we get to the really good part, he stops me and says he can't fool around with me because he started dating someone else and he wants to see where it goes. WTF?! ::record screeches to a stop::

So I leave, confused and a little dejected. Things are a bit weird at work but overall normal. A few days later - he says he regrets what happened, and invites me out to play darts with a bunch of work peeps. He also tells me how lonely he's been, he was by himself on Valentine's Day........yadda yadda yadda. I decline to go, even though I love darts and wanted to hang out with the rest of my friends at work. 

Well, on the way home, I decide it's really dumb I'm letting the fact he's there stop me from doing something fun. So I drive to the bar, walk in, and what do I see....

Work Yum Yum grinding on the dance floor and making out with literally the ugliest girl on the planet. I was shocked. She looked like she lived under a bridge - dirty nails, greasy hair, and bright purple caked on lipstick. Also, her breasts were popping out of her shirt and dangling in every direction except north. 

Work Yum Yum looked at me and his mouth dropped open. I said hi then pretty much ignored him the rest of the night. Of course they went home together. 

The kicker? He's texted me a bunch since then, sending me "helpful recipes" (I'm trying to learn to cook) and then went on a midnight spree of liking all my social media posts. 

Moral of the story? Game playing sucks, and my picker is SUPER off.

Additional moral: Don't rip off your co-workers shirts.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Catching up on this thread ::waves::
> 
> Feels like you and I are leading parallel dating lives FIP. Regarding game playing....
> 
> A new guy started at work - and there was STRONG physical chemistry. Translation: I immediately wanted to rip his shirt off. ::Rawr::
> 
> Hence, I avoided him a bit because it's not very professional to rip off your co-workers shirts and/or undress them with your eyes. (Ok, I did that last one anyway.) He asked me out a few times, but I'd always (nicely) decline and tell him the truth - we shouldn't date because we worked together.
> 
> Well, one day I got amazing news - I won a free trip to a fancy beach resort! Doesn't get much better than that. I went out for a drink to celebrate and who was at the bar? My Work Yum Yum!!
> 
> We had a few glasses of wine (think buzzed, but not drunk) and he invited me up to his place for another drink. At that point - I was like why the hell not. I won this great trip and now I can REALLY celebrate, if you catch my drift. Common sense was out the window.
> 
> Once we get to this place, we start fooling around. But before we get to the really good part, he stops me and says he can't fool around with me because he started dating someone else and he wants to see where it goes. WTF?! ::record screeches to a stop::
> 
> So I leave, confused and a little dejected. Things are a bit weird at work but overall normal. A few days later - he says he regrets what happened, and invites me out to play darts with a bunch of work peeps. He also tells me how lonely he's been, he was by himself on Valentine's Day........yadda yadda yadda. I decline to go, even though I love darts and wanted to hang out with the rest of my friends at work.
> 
> Well, on the way home, I decide it's really dumb I'm letting the fact he's there stop me from doing something fun. So I drive to the bar, walk in, and what do I see....
> 
> Work Yum Yum grinding on the dance floor and making out with literally the ugliest girl on the planet. I was shocked. She looked like she lived under a bridge - dirty nails, greasy hair, and bright purple caked on lipstick. Also, her breasts were popping out of her shirt and dangling in every direction except north.
> 
> Work Yum Yum looked at me and his mouth dropped open. I said hi then pretty much ignored him the rest of the night. Of course they went home together.
> 
> The kicker? He's texted me a bunch since then, sending me "helpful recipes" (I'm trying to learn to cook) and then went on a midnight spree of liking all my social media posts.
> 
> Moral of the story? Game playing sucks, and my picker is SUPER off.
> 
> Additional moral: Don't rip off your co-workers shirts.


Men's choices absolutely dumbfound me sometimes. For example, my XH's girlfriend, who he started dating while we were separated and who he literally chose over me, is 3" taller than me and about 100# heavier, and really ugly. I'm not saying this because I'm bitter, she's really ugly. I should thank her for taking him off my hands.

I'm hoping that I'll run into J-Dawg and his paramour accidentally, so I can get a look at the woman he chose over me, because I have a feeling that I have a lot more going for me. 

Maybe I've been aiming too low. Maybe I'm out of their league, and they know it?


----------



## FeministInPink

And yes, that is completely weird on his part. Why would he invite you up to to his place when he was dating someone?

Was the girl on the dance floor the chick he was seeing? Or was it ok for him to mess around with some random girl, but not you?

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

BNW, he probably just likes to sleep around, has no plan or game, and decided in his semi-inebriated state of mind that oh wow, if I go through with this my freedom at work (and elsewhere) is going to be completely compromised. Sometimes when people are that attractive (Yum, Yum, Yum) they simply never have to stop and think about the formation of a relationship, it's always too easy to get laid. Sounds like you had a normal experience, for what it's worth. Just laugh it off. Yum Yum is a twit. You're better off not associating with him much at all at work, except strictly professional. You did something he didn't expect, and saw a side of him that he didn't intend for you to see. That's a good thing, but sorry it burst your bubble, and his aura. Some people like to play on woman who might have low self-esteem, so that they can get rid of them easily when they're through, with a bit of bullying or rudeness. This person is just a sad example of humanity (or lack of it).


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## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> Men's choices absolutely dumbfound me sometimes. For example, my XH's girlfriend, who he started dating while we were separated and who he literally chose over me, is 3" taller than me and about 100# heavier, and really ugly. I'm not saying this because I'm bitter, she's really ugly. I should thank her for taking him off my hands.
> 
> I'm hoping that I'll run into J-Dawg and his paramour accidentally, so I can get a look at the woman he chose over me, because I have a feeling that I have a lot more going for me.
> 
> *Maybe I've been aiming too low. Maybe I'm out of their league, and they know it?*


I've wondered this myself. Might be the PTSD from "ugly-duckling" syndrome. I was teased A LOT in junior high and elementary school.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Oh my goodness. There is no rule in the universe that says this period of ridiculous singleness cannot go on like, forever.
(I just had a birthday, is my psychic underwear showing?)

Also, I know that although buying a house is absolutely the right thing for me to do, no question, it makes me wonder whether I am endorsing the above thought...but I try not to be judgmental or pretend to have a crystal ball. Buying a house really has nothing to do with a relationship, except in some far warped corner of my mind, or what's left of my mind.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> And yes, that is completely weird on his part. Why would he invite you up to to his place when he was dating someone?
> 
> Was the girl on the dance floor the chick he was seeing? Or was it ok for him to mess around with some random girl, but not you?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


It was weird. I don't think it was the girl he was seeing - he deliberately didn't introduce her to any of us. There was also a strong sense of "desperate bar hookup."


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## TheGoodGuy

FeministInPink said:


> Men's choices absolutely dumbfound me sometimes. For example, my XH's girlfriend, who he started dating while we were separated and who he literally chose over me, is 3" taller than me and about 100# heavier, and really ugly. I'm not saying this because I'm bitter, she's really ugly. I should thank her for taking him off my hands.
> 
> I'm hoping that I'll run into J-Dawg and his paramour accidentally, so I can get a look at the woman he chose over me, because I have a feeling that I have a lot more going for me.
> 
> Maybe I've been aiming too low. Maybe I'm out of their league, and they know it?


It's not just the choices MEN make there FIP. The choices SOME women make baffle us as well. Just being fair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I've wondered this myself. Might be the PTSD from "ugly-duckling" syndrome. I was teased A LOT in junior high and elementary school.


That might definitely have something to do with it. I think I do have some PTSD from ugly-duck syndrome. Funny, in college I dated a lot of hot guys, and all the guys I've dated since my divorce have been pretty hot, so I must have something going on...


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## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> It was weird. I don't think it was the girl he was seeing - he deliberately didn't introduce her to any of us. There was also a strong sense of "desperate bar hookup."


Eeewwe.


----------



## bravenewworld

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> BNW, he probably just likes to sleep around, has no plan or game, and decided in his semi-inebriated state of mind that oh wow, if I go through with this my freedom at work (and elsewhere) is going to be completely compromised. Sometimes when people are that attractive (Yum, Yum, Yum) they simply never have to stop and think about the formation of a relationship, it's always too easy to get laid. Sounds like you had a normal experience, for what it's worth. Just laugh it off. Yum Yum is a twit. You're better off not associating with him much at all at work, except strictly professional. *You did something he didn't expect, and saw a side of him that he didn't intend for you to see. That's a good thing, but sorry it burst your bubble, and his aura. Some people like to play on woman who might have low self-esteem, so that they can get rid of them easily when they're through, with a bit of bullying or rudeness.* This person is just a sad example of humanity (or lack of it).


This entire post (especially the bolded) resonated and made a lot of sense. 

Damn those Yum Yums and their tight t-shirts. Going to be hard to be polite at work when I just want to throw a stapler at his head.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> That might definitely have something to do with it. I think I do have some PTSD from ugly-duck syndrome. Funny, in college I dated a lot of hot guys, and all the guys I've dated since my divorce have been pretty hot, so I must have something going on...


I feel the same way FIP! Post-divorce life has been a parade of Yum Yums. 

Maybe that's my problem? Better try a few more out, just to be sure. 

Edited to add: But NOT ones I work with! #lessonlearned


----------



## TooNice

bravenewworld said:


> Moral of the story? Game playing sucks, and my picker is SUPER off.
> 
> Additional moral: Don't rip off your co-workers shirts.


I'm with you on the first one. 

And grateful there are no eligible yum yums at my place of employment.


----------



## TooNice

bravenewworld said:


> I've wondered this myself. Might be the PTSD from "ugly-duckling" syndrome. I was teased A LOT in junior high and elementary school.


I can relate as well. I was very heavy for a long time, and definitely feel better now than I ever have in my adult life. I didn't even know what to say when the 25 year old made a comment about being out with a hot older woman. That's a hard part of the equation to reconcile with dating.

Maybe that really is a big part of it for some of us here...


----------



## bravenewworld

TooNice said:


> I can relate as well. I was very heavy for a long time, and definitely feel better now than I ever have in my adult life. I didn't even know what to say when the 25 year old made a comment about being out with a hot older woman. That's a hard part of the equation to reconcile with dating.
> 
> Maybe that really is a big part of it for some of us here...


Definitely agree. I think when women are little girls, they internalize that self-worth is based on their perceived attractiveness. 

Also, towards the end of my marriage, my ex treated me as unremarkable and disposable. Definitely another self-esteem blow. 

Taking some time off from dating to do some "me" work - and picker re-calibration!


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Definitely agree. I think when women are little girls, they internalize that self-worth is based on their perceived attractiveness.
> 
> Also, towards the end of my marriage, my ex treated me as unremarkable and disposable. Definitely another self-esteem blow.
> 
> Taking some time off from dating to do some "me" work - and picker re-calibration!


Yes, I agree with all of this... all of this was my experience, especially the thing about the XH treating me as unremarkable and disposable.

My experience as a little girl was a little different... I was [unintentionally] taught that I wasn't attractive/pretty, so it was good that I was smart...


----------



## RandomDude

I need to vent about something... *thinks*.... hmmm, nothing to vent about today... BAH!

Oh thats right, still not getting laid... and that is all... bah!

/end vent


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

OK now, none of us should be dissing our picker in the dating game. We all know that we are going to have 'adventures' and there is nothing to be ashamed about. I think that having situations/experiences that allow a prospect's true colors to show through early in the dating cycle, vs. later is a good thing. 

The picker is like a fish net. The ones that don't meet the criteria get thrown back in. 
These are unavoidable. 
You only need one.

Also, think like a fish that wants to be caught, and strategize around that.
Think about who you want to 'catch' you. And conversely, who you want to signal to stay away. 

I'm going to start shelving books at our library, also going to a local gym, even though I don't really need to.


----------



## gouge_away

I might be divorced today!

This will be our second contested hearing, the first one wasn't enough time; we have a whole day scheduled. 

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

Our picker? Dunno, my picker is already excessively very picky!


----------



## bkyln309

gouge_away said:


> I might be divorced today!
> 
> This will be our second contested hearing, the first one wasn't enough time; we have a whole day scheduled.
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Here is hoping to the end of things so you can move forward.


----------



## hope4family

Dates are done. I liked them both. I am deciding to stick with the first one for now. I like the second one too. My time is so limited though it makes "dating" ultra complicated. 

I guess what's important is while the second one I feel tons of chemistry with. The first date has a almost therapeutic effect. We are both thinkers and take comfort in our own ability. She also buys into a lot of the personality stuff. Most of the issues I thought were issues aren't, and she has a desire for slow living but enjoys getting out at random. 

Long story short, if I could date both until I could find out more I would. I am taking things slow on the physical side. I don't want to run the risk of physical attraction overwriting what's best for emotionally and then just letting the physical come naturally. (Which I had the desire several times to pin both down and at least make out, so that does count for something.)


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## MRR

Ugh. This is where I wish I had RD's IRL experience....

so i work in a place with multiple thousands of employees and many many attractive young women. I am 44 divorced with 2 kids and often these women are early in their careers-- 25 yrs old to early 30s, never married, looking to a future of marriage and kids. This came up in the 'My fiance wants kids and I dont' thread. If one of these women were interested in dating, it would be immediately on my mind that...where is this going? I do not want kids and 90% of professional single women under 30 do. etc. 

So, to get to the point, our team recently moved to another area and the last couple weeks I have seen this really cute girl at least 5-6 times a week. Her team is close to mine though I dont know her name or what actual team she is on. In any case I have noticed her and she has me as well. A few moments ago, I was talking to someone in an open area where people pass by. As i turned to go back to my desk, this girl was walking my direction to use the elevetor and as i turnde around and started walking I saw her, she turned and looked me directly in the face and smiled as i noticed she has done recently and i said hi as i passed. Now, she very well could be being friendly and also being at work makes it a little different too, but I am pretty sure it was more than that. In any case, I have not had a good time to really talk to her-- well, i did a few weeks ago when i first noticed her, but not since she has (appeared to anyway) shown interest as well. 

Then back to the other thing...she is definitely younger than me, and likely thinks I am in my early to mid 30s. 44 does not sound old to me, but it does to a, say 31 year old. (Since I look so young and have people mis guess my age always, I do a terrible job of guessing others'-- ideally she would be 39 and have 2 kids but the chances of that are very small b/c she looks young).

so...monday morning rambling. if anyone has had any experience with that workplace sorta crush thing...that girl or guy that you dont really know...would be interested to hear stories.


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> so...monday morning rambling. if anyone has had any experience with that workplace sorta crush thing...that girl or guy that you dont really know...would be interested to hear stories.


Don't **** where you eat.


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> Don't **** where you eat.


Ok so I am trying to be somewhat discreet about where I work for the sake of anonymity, but last I heard there are over 8,000 employees in my location. My ex FIL is here, my father was here before he retired, my cousing works just below me. Hundreds if not thousands of married couples, many of whom met here, and hundreds of bf/gf work here. 

None of the couples are in my dept/team except one, that work closely together. They met and dated here and got married about a year ago. 

Now, I totally get your concern, but it is VERY common here and as long as two adults stay professional, it is ok and not frowned upon. You cannot really avoid it when you have 8,000 people together for 50 or more hours per week to be honest. 

that said, I have avoided it up to this point (2 years since divorce) and one person in my dept who is slightly above me did, awhile ago, show significant interest and even gave me her phone number. She also, occasionally texted. i remember one saturday night she texted "im so bored!'. She very much wanted to hang out, but i pushed that off and remained friends with her. It would have been a disaster as she is overly dramatic and already brings her personal issues (just divorced and issues with custodey, etc) to work. 

So i get it. 

Having said that... anyone have any innocent stories of how when you were single there was that person you didng really know? I know RD is good at approaching women when he wants to...is why i stated I wish i had his experience in that.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> Don't **** where you eat.


MRR, 

Not worth it. 

I've had experience with this. Not good. If you develop feelings and can't be with the person is a pain in the neck.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

MRR said:


> Ok so I am trying to be somewhat discreet about where I work for the sake of anonymity, but last I heard there are over 8,000 employees in my location. My ex FIL is here, my father was here before he retired, my cousing works just below me. Hundreds if not thousands of married couples, many of whom met here, and hundreds of bf/gf work here.
> 
> None of the couples are in my dept/team except one, that work closely together. They met and dated here and got married about a year ago.
> 
> Now, I totally get your concern, but it is VERY common here and as long as two adults stay professional, it is ok and not frowned upon. You cannot really avoid it when you have 8,000 people together for 50 or more hours per week to be honest.
> 
> that said, I have avoided it up to this point (2 years since divorce) and one person in my dept who is slightly above me did, awhile ago, show significant interest and even gave me her phone number. She also, occasionally texted. i remember one saturday night she texted "im so bored!'. She very much wanted to hang out, but i pushed that off and remained friends with her. It would have been a disaster as she is overly dramatic and already brings her personal issues (just divorced and issues with custodey, etc) to work.
> 
> So i get it.
> 
> Having said that... anyone have any innocent stories of how when you were single there was that person you didng really know? I know RD is good at approaching women when he wants to...is why i stated I wish i had his experience in that.


Workplace romance aside, don't get involved with someone so much younger if you know you don't want kids. You'd only be asking for problems.


----------



## MRR

SecondTime'Round said:


> Workplace romance aside, don't get involved with someone so much younger if you know you don't want kids. You'd only be asking for problems.


I have no idea how old she is, and I totally agree (not sure if you have read the thread I mentioned, but the poster is 38 and has two kids and his fiance is 27 and just realizing she wants kids, he was thinking he was past that phase in his life, etc.).


----------



## FeministInPink

@MRR

1. You don't know how old she is. She might be older than you think. Everyone thinks I'm in my late 20s for some reason, going on appearance. So there.

2. She might not want kids. Who knows? You could go out with her a couple of times, you can have some fun, and before anyone gets too attached, lay it out there that you're done having kids. Leave the ball in her court. It's up to her to decide if it's a dealbreaker or not. I was taught that everyone grew up and had kids, that's just what you do. It never even *occurred* to me that I could choose NOT to have kids until I dated someone who didn't want kids. But if she gives any hints that she doesn't believe you, or if she thinks she could change your mind, then run the other way.

3. I also tend to agree with the don't sh!t where you eat thing. But it sounds like a really big organization, so you might be able to pull it off. Consider how it would affect you and your career if you had an ugly breakup. Also, be sure about what YOU WANT, and be up front with her from the beginning. Ugly breakups happen when two people have different expectations or understandings of what is going on. But this one is up to you--only you know how this organization works.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> @MRR
> 
> 1. You don't know how old she is. She might be older than you think. Everyone thinks I'm in my late 20s for some reason, going on appearance. So there.
> 
> 2. She might not want kids. Who knows? You could go out with her a couple of times, you can have some fun, and before anyone gets too attached, lay it out there that you're done having kids. Leave the ball in her court. It's up to her to decide if it's a dealbreaker or not. I was taught that everyone grew up and had kids, that's just what you do. It never even *occurred* to me that I could choose NOT to have kids until I dated someone who didn't want kids. But if she gives any hints that she doesn't believe you, or if she thinks she could change your mind, then run the other way.
> 
> 3. I also tend to agree with the don't sh!t where you eat thing. But it sounds like a really big organization, so you might be able to pull it off. Consider how it would affect you and your career if you had an ugly breakup. Also, be sure about what YOU WANT, and be up front with her from the beginning. Ugly breakups happen when two people have different expectations or understandings of what is going on. But this one is up to you--only you know how this organization works.



Thanks FIP. I definitely am not ruling this out due to any of the logistics or not knowing her age and place in life. I am open to finding those things out; hopefully I will get the chance. I do not want to stalk her but I know she works somewhere in my area- -for a completely different team-- but I do not know her name and have not had a chance to ask. Let me rephrase that-- I am not _going_ to stalk her. 

It is interesting though, these dynamics. If for instance, it went on for several months where we would see each other and she continued to give me that great smile and eye contact, and i did the same, but never made the leap to engage her (and if we did get to know each other, never asked her out assuming the queues were there), then I understand eventually I would have NO chance with her because she would percieve me as weak for not making a move. I am not saying that it is WRONG that it is like that, but just interested in how that works between men and women. And yes, i do think it is true.


----------



## RandomDude

Workplace romance? Only if they r casual n I can sack them anytime 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

ok so...my 'monday rambling' post this morning has gotten a lot of feedback posted mainly on the fact that it is a girl in my work. I am already aware of the drawbacks of that. I was mostly musing on the random girl that you see pretty regularly and maybe never follow up with, or maybe you do after you wondered about what they are like. 

I would like to remove the focus away from the 'workplace romance pitfalls' realm for a moment....

so, suppose i had said i go to the coffee shop every morning and she is always there in line and then described her possibly showing interest-- always making it a point to turn towards me, look right at me, in the eyes, and smile. 

just some thoughts...

- she is really cute and (this is pure imagination) the possibility of getting to know her takes my mind of the other women I have dated recently that so far have not worked out terribly well

-how long does a woman show this interest before she assumes he (*I* in this case) is not interested or do not have the stones to approach and then HER attraction goes down (from wherever it is at-- possibly not as high as I would like...)

-what other things would you (women) be doing to invite a guy to approach/ask you out? ( I think we may have discussed this before with RD's googly eyes thing)

there are other lines of discussion and a lot is speculation. but she is a real person and she is really cute.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> -how long does a woman show this interest before she assumes he (*I* in this case) is not interested or do not have the stones to approach and then HER attraction goes down (from wherever it is at-- possibly not as high as I would like...)


My level of attraction would decrease when/while I start dating someone, and would go back up again when I was single/available. At one point, I had a crush/interest in a guy for literally *years* (at a point when I was not in a position to pursue anything). I did, of course, miss my window, because by the time that I was in a position to pursue, he had met someone and became engaged.

If she thinks you're cute, that's not going to change. It's not a question of her eventually losing interest. It's a question of someone snapping her up before you get your chance. You snooze, you lose.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

PLEASE don't assume that a younger woman is going to want kids, let alone to get married and to have a long term committed relationship. This is why we are bestowed with verbal ability.

To know that a guy in a workplace is thinking this way about the women that he works with is....
disturbing. 

To know that a guy in a workplace is thinking about how cute a woman is and how he wants to ask her out, 
but has so many buts, buts, buts in the way....
disturbing.

Now, we do have workplace sexual harassment laws and stalking laws.
But there is no law against asking someone one, which is what should happen.
Then you can use your mouth to ask the questions you want the answers to.
If she says no to a date, please everyone resume work and have a good attitude about it.

I'm sure it won't be any big revelation to anyone involved that a man is attracted to a woman who smiles at him.
And I'm sure she's not so stupid as to go around smiling at someone she knows is single and doesn't want him to ask her on a date.

Really...this is teeing me off. Some of us don't have actual workplaces to muck around in.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

MRR said:


> -how long does a woman show this interest before she assumes he (*I* in this case) is not interested or do not have the stones to approach and then HER attraction goes down (from wherever it is at-- possibly not as high as I would like...)


I don't think there's an expiration date. Some women like a little mystery anyway . I wouldn't assume she thinks you're a wimp if you haven't asked her out yet. But, she may assume you're taken.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> My level of attraction would decrease when/while I start dating someone, and would go back up again when I was single/available. At one point, I had a crush/interest in a guy for literally *years* (at a point when I was not in a position to pursue anything). I did, of course, miss my window, because by the time that I was in a position to pursue, he had met someone and became engaged.
> 
> If she thinks you're cute, that's not going to change. It's not a question of her eventually losing interest. It's a question of someone snapping her up before you get your chance. You snooze, you lose.


That is an interesting perspective actually, the timing aspect of it. And, having a crush on someone for years...fascinating but I think somewhat common. I am pretty sure i have done that too, in cases where I never really got a chance to pursue them.


----------



## MRR

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> PLEASE don't assume that a younger woman is going to want kids, let alone to get married and to have a long term committed relationship. This is why we are bestowed with verbal ability.
> 
> To know that a guy in a workplace is thinking this way about the women that he works with is....
> disturbing.
> 
> To know that a guy in a workplace is thinking about how cute a woman is and how he wants to ask her out,
> but has so many buts, buts, buts in the way....
> disturbing.
> 
> Now, we do have workplace sexual harassment laws and stalking laws.
> But there is no law against asking someone one, which is what should happen.
> Then you can use your mouth to ask the questions you want the answers to.
> If she says no to a date, please everyone resume work and have a good attitude about it.
> 
> I'm sure it won't be any big revelation to anyone involved that a man is attracted to a woman who smiles at him.
> And I'm sure she's not so stupid as to go around smiling at someone she knows is single and doesn't want him to ask her on a date.
> 
> Really...this is teeing me off. Some of us don't have actual workplaces to muck around in.


I have no idea what you are so disturbed about, but then again, I dont think I want to know.


----------



## MRR

SecondTime'Round said:


> I don't think there's an expiration date. Some women like a little mystery anyway . I wouldn't assume she thinks you're a wimp if you haven't asked her out yet. But, she may assume you're taken.


Ok, that makes sense too. I feel like, with the advice I gave too...what is the poster's name??? last week...that a woman might be wondering, in a hypothetical situation where she has made it clear she likes a guy (which is not MY case yet)...why hasnt he asked me out yet???

And then, eventaully, "must be b/c he is not strong enough, confident enough, to go after what he wants" but to add "or he must be taken" on the end, would work.


----------



## bravenewworld

MRR said:


> I have no idea what you are so disturbed about, but then again, I dont think I want to know.


I think I understand what's disturbing. Sounds like a lot of intense thought directed at someone you don't know very well. I'm a neurotic person too, so I kind of get where you are coming from. I'd dial it down a few notches. 

Not sure if you read my post earlier, but I recently messed around with someone at work and it was definitely not a good idea. My company isn't as big as yours, but it's not small either. I'm lucky in the sense that neither of us goes out of our way to make it awkward, BUT sometimes it's awkward anyway simply because of what transpired. So imagine if you stop seeing each other and one (or both) of you can't deal with it very well. One word: drama.

Overall I'd say to look for someone outside of work. Can be hard when you have a Yum Yum you get to see everyday who flirts with you. But that's my two cents.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> That is an interesting perspective actually, the timing aspect of it. And, having a crush on someone for years...fascinating but I think somewhat common. I am pretty sure i have done that too, in cases where I never really got a chance to pursue them.


He was a student where I work. The first year I worked here, he was admitted to our MA program, and he stopped by the office after he received his admissions letter to say "thank you" in person. I remember thinking when I met him, "If I wasn't already living with XH [we were only engaged, not married at that point], I would go out with him in a hot second." He was admitted to our campus in Europe, so he went there for his first year, and I got married... he came back for his second year, and he volunteered for a number of recruiting events, and I got to know him a little better, and we became acquaintances, but that was it, obviously, because I was married. He graduated... and then 1.5 yrs later, he applied for our PhD program, and was--of course--admitted. By this point, my marriage was in the toilet, and the crush came back... he brightened my day whenever I saw him. A year or two passes, and when my XH and I separated... crush went to the euro campus for a year of research. He comes back, and I am divorced, and I think now, I can ask! But I never see him on campus anymore... because he's writing his dissertation, so he's never ON campus anymore... and at some point, during that window after he returned from Europe, he met and began dating a lovely doctor, who he wed this past July.

Missed connections, indeed.


----------



## MRR

bravenewworld said:


> I think I understand what's disturbing. Sounds like a lot of intense thought directed at someone you don't know very well. I'm a neurotic person too, so I kind of get where you are coming from. I'd dial it down a few notches.
> 
> Not sure if you read my post earlier, but I recently messed around with someone at work and it was definitely not a good idea. My company isn't as big as yours, but it's not small either. I'm lucky in the sense that neither of us goes out of our way to make it awkward, BUT sometimes it's awkward anyway simply because of what transpired. So imagine if you stop seeing each other and one (or both) of you can't deal with it very well. One word: drama.
> 
> Overall I'd say to look for someone outside of work. Can be hard when you have a Yum Yum you get to see everyday who flirts with you. But that's my two cents.


There is nothing intense about it, I was simply introducing a situation, topic-- and that topic really was not about dating people in the workplace. Again, I really dont want to know why that person posted what she did.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> He was a student where I work. The first year I worked here, he was admitted to our MA program, and he stopped by the office after he received his admissions letter to say "thank you" in person. I remember thinking when I met him, "If I wasn't already living with XH [we were only engaged, not married at that point], I would go out with him in a hot second." He was admitted to our campus in Europe, so he went there for his first year, and I got married... he came back for his second year, and he volunteered for a number of recruiting events, and I got to know him a little better, and we became acquaintances, but that was it, obviously, because I was married. He graduated... and then 1.5 yrs later, he applied for our PhD program, and was--of course--admitted. By this point, my marriage was in the toilet, and the crush came back... he brightened my day whenever I saw him. A year or two passes, and when my XH and I separated... crush went to the euro campus for a year of research. He comes back, and I am divorced, and I think now, I can ask! But I never see him on campus anymore... because he's writing his dissertation, so he's never ON campus anymore... and at some point, during that window after he returned from Europe, he met and began dating a lovely doctor, who he wed this past July.
> 
> Missed connections, indeed.


Ahh..great story. Certainly a bit of a disappointment. 

Last year, one morning I was riding up the elevator w. a couple people. There was a gorgeous girl directly across from me, and facing me. She had headphones in, looked at me and smiled and looked directly at my hand. I had been divorced for a year-- and that whole ten seconds made me nervous. We got off on the same floor and I could tell she was visiting -- we often have employees in from other sites for meetings on our campus so, again, this is NOT about dating in the office. I asked her if she was visiting and she said yes, and I was offering to help her locate the conference room but we were actually right outside it. I lost my nerve...ahhhh. A co worker came by with some items and I helped her carry them to our work area and...I kept my eye out for the girl but never saw her again. I was so struck by her that I even asked our VP/Work Director (who was also recently divorced) if she happened to know who she was, in a self deprecating way. She often organizes the meetings that require other people to come to our office so I thought there might be a chance. She said, No, I hope you find her!! And no, no one thought it was creepy. 

Bottom line...I lost my nerve. I am now TWO years out of my marriage and trying to get better at that. If I had gotten her name I could have emailed her, which I am good at (MA English/Journalism) but...I deserved what I got (nothing).


----------



## MRR

bravenewworld said:


> Catching up on this thread ::waves::
> 
> Feels like you and I are leading parallel dating lives FIP. Regarding game playing....
> 
> A new guy started at work - and there was STRONG physical chemistry. Translation: I immediately wanted to rip his shirt off. ::Rawr::
> 
> Hence, I avoided him a bit because it's not very professional to rip off your co-workers shirts and/or undress them with your eyes. (Ok, I did that last one anyway.) He asked me out a few times, but I'd always (nicely) decline and tell him the truth - we shouldn't date because we worked together.
> 
> Well, one day I got amazing news - I won a free trip to a fancy beach resort! Doesn't get much better than that. I went out for a drink to celebrate and who was at the bar? My Work Yum Yum!!
> 
> We had a few glasses of wine (think buzzed, but not drunk) and he invited me up to his place for another drink. At that point - I was like why the hell not. I won this great trip and now I can REALLY celebrate, if you catch my drift. Common sense was out the window.
> 
> Once we get to this place, we start fooling around. But before we get to the really good part, he stops me and says he can't fool around with me because he started dating someone else and he wants to see where it goes. WTF?! ::record screeches to a stop::
> 
> So I leave, confused and a little dejected. Things are a bit weird at work but overall normal. A few days later - he says he regrets what happened, and invites me out to play darts with a bunch of work peeps. He also tells me how lonely he's been, he was by himself on Valentine's Day........yadda yadda yadda. I decline to go, even though I love darts and wanted to hang out with the rest of my friends at work.
> 
> Well, on the way home, I decide it's really dumb I'm letting the fact he's there stop me from doing something fun. So I drive to the bar, walk in, and what do I see....
> 
> Work Yum Yum grinding on the dance floor and making out with literally the ugliest girl on the planet. I was shocked. She looked like she lived under a bridge - dirty nails, greasy hair, and bright purple caked on lipstick. Also, her breasts were popping out of her shirt and dangling in every direction except north.
> 
> Work Yum Yum looked at me and his mouth dropped open. I said hi then pretty much ignored him the rest of the night. Of course they went home together.
> 
> The kicker? He's texted me a bunch since then, sending me "helpful recipes" (I'm trying to learn to cook) and then went on a midnight spree of liking all my social media posts.
> 
> Moral of the story? Game playing sucks, and my picker is SUPER off.
> 
> Additional moral: Don't rip off your co-workers shirts.


ok not sure how I missed this as I scrolled through the thread as this is crazy. I think you should quit referring to him as yum yum. He sounds dum dum.

seriously though, how old is he? he sounds a bit immature, w the mixed signals, making out on the dance floor, and then the 'helpful texts'...

do you think if the guy broke up with his gf and asked you out now you would plain shut him down? You did go home w him so just wondering (and yes I totally agree he should not have invited you since he was seeing someone...)


----------



## bravenewworld

MRR said:


> ok not sure how I missed this as I scrolled through the thread as this is crazy. I think you should quit referring to him as yum yum. He sounds dum dum.
> 
> seriously though, how old is he? he sounds a bit immature, w the mixed signals, making out on the dance floor, and then the 'helpful texts'...
> 
> do you think if the guy broke up with his gf and asked you out now you would plain shut him down? You did go home w him so just wondering (and yes I totally agree he should not have invited you since he was seeing someone...)


I agree. Yum yum is a dum dum. And being a dum dum at thirty-something is not cute (in my book.) 

I would definitely not hookup with yum yum again - what he did was not cool and actually hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends, but my friends don't treat me like that. 

That said, after stewing for a bit I was able to laugh it off. Turns out yum yum, excuse me, dum dum, was running around the office today telling people about how we went to breakfast together last week (it was a work-related event.) Today he walked over to my desk just to show me a picture of his new boat. ::eye-roll::

I feel like he's on his own planet.....the planet of the dum dums.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> I agree. Yum yum is a dum dum. And being a dum dum at thirty-something is not cute (in my book.)
> 
> I would definitely not hookup with yum yum again - what he did was not cool and actually hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends, but my friends don't treat me like that.
> 
> That said, after stewing for a bit I was able to laugh it off. Turns out yum yum, excuse me, dum dum, was running around the office today telling people about how we went to breakfast together last week (it was a work-related event.) Today he walked over to my desk just to show me a picture of his new boat. ::eye-roll::
> 
> I feel like he's on his own planet.....the planet of the dum dums.


You may want to set people straight on that stuff. Because who knows what he'll be saying about you next.

Don't adamantly deny, just say, "Well, saying we went to breakfast TOGETHER might be stretching it. We were at the same work event, which had a breakfast, and we ended up sitting next to one another."


----------



## bravenewworld

Side note: Why are some guys into such, for lack of better term, "rough" women? The girl he was with looked like she could open beer bottles with her teeth.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> You may want to set people straight on that stuff. Because who knows what he'll be saying about you next.
> 
> Don't adamantly deny, just say, "Well, saying we went to breakfast TOGETHER might be stretching it. We were at the same work event, which had a breakfast, and we ended up sitting next to one another."


The great thing was that when he told the story, a friend of mine piped up "oh at the meeting set by Mr. Green?" She doesn't even know we hooked up, she just didn't like that he was insinuating that we were hanging out by ourselves outside of work. 

She said he then changed courses and went on to praise what a smart, capable, woman I am. Bleh. You're right though - definitely need to distance myself from him as a preemptive strike. Good thing this gig is temporary. Three months to go until my contract is up. Sigh.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> The great thing was that when he told the story, a friend of mine piped up "oh at the meeting set by Mr. Green?" She doesn't even know we hooked up, she just didn't like that he was insinuating that we were hanging out by ourselves outside of work.
> 
> She said he then changed courses and went on to praise what a smart, capable, woman I am. Bleh. You're right though - definitely need to distance myself from him as a preemptive strike. Good thing this gig is temporary. Three months to go until my contract is up. Sigh.


Good friend. We should all be so lucky to have friends like her, watching our backs.


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Side note: Why are some guys into such, for lack of better term, "rough" women? The girl he was with looked like she could open beer bottles with her teeth.


I don't think, in your example, that he was really into her. I think he targeted her because he thinks she has low self-esteem, and she'll be an easy lay, thinking she's so lucky that this guy (a 9?) is actually into her (a 3 or 4?). He's not really into her, he thinks she'll be easy, and there's this idea that ugly girls (and fat girls) are more freaky in bed. (Whereas pretty girls have to just lay there and look pretty.)

Some guys will, literally, fvck ANYTHING with a vagina.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> I don't think, in your example, that he was really into her. I think he targeted her because he thinks she has low self-esteem, and she'll be an easy lay, thinking she's so lucky that this guy (a 9?) is actually into her (a 3 or 4?). He's not really into her, he thinks she'll be easy, and there's this idea that ugly girls (and fat girls) are more freaky in bed. (Whereas pretty girls have to just lay there and look pretty.)
> 
> Some guys will, literally, fvck ANYTHING with a vagina.


He didn't introduce her to anyone the entire night - which I found super tacky. I honestly felt bad for her. 

I feel like my best friend said it best when I told her this story, "Gurl, he THIRSTY." :rofl:

Edited to add: I never heard that thing about fat and/or ugly girls being extra freaky. That is so messed up. Feels like something a stupid frat bro would think. ::angry face::


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> He didn't introduce her to anyone the entire night - which I found super tacky. I honestly felt bad for her.
> 
> I feel like my best friend said it best when I told her this story, "Gurl, he THIRSTY." :rofl:


OMG, I love your best friend. Can I be friends with her, too?

ETA: And of course he didn't introduce her! He was probably embarrassed because you were there... but all the guys knew the deal.


----------



## bravenewworld

The difference between thirsty women and thirsty men:

Women: I need to get laid. Who am I attracted to that I can have some fun with?

Men: I need to get laid. Guess I'll hit on that homeless woman across the room warming her hands on a barrel fire. 

I kid! I kid! (kind of)


----------



## TooNice

I've been following conversations here today, but I've been too busy to participate. Today's posts have given me a great deal to think about. I think I have the whole carpe diem thing handled. I don't have qualms about asking a man out if I am attracted to him. And I am willing to give this whole thing with the younger man a shot in the short term, rather than say it simply won't work, so let's not bother. I think being with him has helped me come to where I am tonight. He's showing me what could be. Well, with someone closer to my age. 

But the other guy... the late night texter... I think I know what I need to do there. And it will be very, very difficult for me to do. 

I deserve better. I deserve someone who pays attention to me, who will be with me at 2:00 in the morning because we left the house together at 7:00, not because he's on his way home and feeling frisky. It doesn't matter how much he makes me laugh, or how smart he is, or the remarkable physical chemistry we have. None of that matters without respect and time and attention. 

He's not LTR material. He's strung me along for over a year, and I have allowed him to. I need to stop. 

He's just. so. gorgeous.

Grrr.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> My level of attraction would decrease when/while I start dating someone, and would go back up again when I was single/available. At one point, I had a crush/interest in a guy for literally *years* (at a point when I was not in a position to pursue anything). I did, of course, miss my window, because by the time that I was in a position to pursue, he had met someone and became engaged.
> 
> If she thinks you're cute, that's not going to change. It's not a question of her eventually losing interest. It's a question of someone snapping her up before you get your chance. You snooze, you lose.


really? For me as a guy I just withdraw emotionally n hence lose interest, u saying women dont do the same or is it just ur perspective?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> really? For me as a guy I just withdraw emotionally n hence lose interest, u saying women dont do the same or is it just ur perspective?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think for me, it depends on the guy and the level of attraction. There are flickering flames that easily burn out... and then there are the bright and strong fires that burn hot and steady. >


----------



## Absurdist

TooNice said:


> I've been following conversations here today, but I've been too busy to participate. Today's posts have given me a great deal to think about. I think I have the whole carpe diem thing handled. I don't have qualms about asking a man out if I am attracted to him. And I am willing to give this whole thing with the younger man a shot in the short term, rather than say it simply won't work, so let's not bother. I think being with him has helped me come to where I am tonight. He's showing me what could be. Well, with someone closer to my age.
> 
> But the other guy... the late night texter... I think I know what I need to do there. And it will be very, very difficult for me to do.
> 
> I deserve better. I deserve someone who pays attention to me, who will be with me at 2:00 in the morning because we left the house together at 7:00, not because he's on his way home and feeling frisky. It doesn't matter how much he makes me laugh, or how smart he is, or the remarkable physical chemistry we have. None of that matters without respect and time and attention.
> 
> He's not LTR material. He's strung me along for over a year, and I have allowed him to. I need to stop.
> 
> He's just. so. gorgeous.
> 
> Grrr.



Now let me get this straight. Young dude is OK but too young for Too Nice's sensibilities. Talking, texting dude is gorgeous but he won't make a move. I need to come up there and coach him .... Dude, just kiss her stupid and take her to Sanford. I recommend the Lacquered Quail and Crisp Veal Sweetbread with Grilled Peach and Braised Collards, and Peach Kernel Gastrique.


I'm glad I'm married 40 years to a wondeful woman who still wears leggings, knee high boots and sexy white sweaters.

This dating stuff sucks swamp water. In the immortal words of John Nance Garner "Not worth a bucket of warm spit".


----------



## gouge_away

RandomDude said:


> Workplace romance? Only if they r casual n I can sack them anytime_Posted via Mobile Device_


Only if I don't have to see them outside of work

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## gouge_away

I'm divorced!
Got hosed, and dragged through the ringer.

At the worst most stressful point of this divorce, I must say, "even at its worst, it was better than being married to that low-life-poor excuse of a woman.

I'm happy, tears of joy happy.

Funny thing, we both wore the exact same outfits to court that we had on the night we met...

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## bravenewworld

TooNice said:


> I've been following conversations here today, but I've been too busy to participate. Today's posts have given me a great deal to think about. I think I have the whole carpe diem thing handled. I don't have qualms about asking a man out if I am attracted to him. And I am willing to give this whole thing with the younger man a shot in the short term, rather than say it simply won't work, so let's not bother. I think being with him has helped me come to where I am tonight. He's showing me what could be. Well, with someone closer to my age.
> 
> But the other guy... the late night texter... I think I know what I need to do there. And it will be very, very difficult for me to do.
> 
> I deserve better. I deserve someone who pays attention to me, who will be with me at 2:00 in the morning because we left the house together at 7:00, not because he's on his way home and feeling frisky. It doesn't matter how much he makes me laugh, or how smart he is, or the remarkable physical chemistry we have. None of that matters without respect and time and attention.
> 
> He's not LTR material. He's strung me along for over a year, and I have allowed him to. I need to stop.
> 
> He's just. so. gorgeous.
> 
> Grrr.


Ugh sorry you are going through that, how frustrating! On the bright side, you now have a gorgeous emergency "d!ck in a glass case." (break only if necessary)


----------



## Tall

I like this thread. Why haven't I seen it before.


----------



## gouge_away

Tall said:


> I like this thread. Why haven't I seen it before.


The powers that be try to hold us in strict silence so our secrets aren't exposed to the light.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hmmm, I'm wondering if the 'ugly chick' Yum Yum was making moves with on the dance floor was not in actuality a man, complete with man boobs? Just saying... Also not to say I once ended up accidentally in a transgender bar in my younger years and once I got my wits about me picked up LOADS of beauty tips from the men there. I was aghast that a man could render himself (actually a lot of men) into such a beauty. But I suppose, mileage varies. 

In other news, I turned my cell off for exactly 3 hours last evening to go for a moonlight hike.
When I got back to my car I had a message from the matchmaker (based out in CA) from EH+ who told me the man she called on behalf of a couple weeks ago wants to meet me. Now I am trying to remember all those beauty tips and trying to figure out what to wear to a date with an artist who has a decade on me, during mud season in Vermont/NH. I guess I can ask the matchmaker when I talk to her later today to get some ideas. I'm also supposed to figure out a date idea, or venue where I want to meet. She suggested an activity...maybe snowshoeing through the mud, venturing out onto thin ice, going to one of those ski area events where you slide down the slope and try to water-slide over the huge puddle that's accumulated at the bottom :-| Argh. 

And what to wear? I have nice clothes, fortunately. But it depends on the venue. I'd rather wear something that shows off some fitness. Just saying.


----------



## Tall

And that's probably a good idea. Some secrets are supposed to stay... secret.


----------



## MRR

hope4family said:


> Dates are done. I liked them both. I am deciding to stick with the first one for now. I like the second one too. My time is so limited though it makes "dating" ultra complicated.
> 
> I guess what's important is while the second one I feel tons of chemistry with. The first date has a almost therapeutic effect. We are both thinkers and take comfort in our own ability. She also buys into a lot of the personality stuff. Most of the issues I thought were issues aren't, and she has a desire for slow living but enjoys getting out at random.
> 
> Long story short, if I could date both until I could find out more I would. I am taking things slow on the physical side. I don't want to run the risk of physical attraction overwriting what's best for emotionally and then just letting the physical come naturally. (Which I had the desire several times to pin both down and at least make out, so that does count for something.)


so, these are both first dates? and you did not kiss either? 

I think, especially if yes to both, you are ok dating both. I mean at this point you are just getting to know them, not like you are sleeping with both and not telling them...


----------



## MRR

bravenewworld said:


> I agree. Yum yum is a dum dum. And being a dum dum at thirty-something is not cute (in my book.)
> 
> I would definitely not hookup with yum yum again - what he did was not cool and actually hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends, but my friends don't treat me like that.
> 
> That said, after stewing for a bit I was able to laugh it off. Turns out yum yum, excuse me, dum dum, was running around the office today telling people about how we went to breakfast together last week (it was a work-related event.) Today he walked over to my desk just to show me a picture of his new boat. ::eye-roll::
> 
> I feel like he's on his own planet.....the planet of the dum dums.


I get the 'office romance' advice even more now. He goes around talking about you in the office? how. tacky.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> Ha
> 
> Totally.
> 
> Ok. I'll report back. Have to invite her now since I I'm traveling overseas next weekend and wil be away for 10 days.


Soooooo....did ya call her???


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In other news, I turned my cell off for exactly 3 hours last evening to go for a moonlight hike.
> When I got back to my car......


I hope you had mace!! Maybe I watch too much Investigation Discovery (ok, I know I do), but this scares me! Be careful!


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> so, these are both first dates? and you did not kiss either?
> 
> I think, especially if yes to both, you are ok dating both. I mean at this point you are just getting to know them, not like you are sleeping with both and not telling them...


I think in regards to @hope4family, he literally doesn't have the time to multi-date. I think that's the primary reason.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Soooooo....did ya call her???


Yes, @Lifescript! Inquiring minds want to know. :grin2:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> I hope you had mace!! Maybe I watch too much Investigation Discovery (ok, I know I do), but this scares me! Be careful!


You're too funny.
Last weekend when I went walking, I was in Montreal in -18F weather. Firstly, a knife cannot go through that many layers of clothing and cause much damage...as for last night I was with a group of people walking down a road in a State park that had a gate. There is no danger...except for those with super-active minds who watch too much t.v.

Going with a group is important though, especially for a small attractive woman. I think of it as 'attractive hazard', i.e. don't go looking for trouble where you know you're likely to find it.

There are trails I'll hike on my own though, because they're mostly just walks if you've lived around here very long, and it's likely to see a lot of people you know or have known, or know someone they know. Which is one of the reasons to hike those trails. It works a lot better than Facebook for keeping up with things.

The real issue here is that nobody is addressing my need for date and clothing ideas.


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> I think in regards to @hope4family, he literally doesn't have the time to multi-date. I think that's the primary reason.


I didn't get physical with either. Frankly when multi-dating. Unless otherwise mentioned as "OK" verbally. I am not OK with it. My insight was correct when my 1st date told me "I saw a movie with some of my guy friends, but they aren't your competition." 

Not that I would worry about competition at this or any phase. I absolutely am what I am and if I want you I pursue, just don't string me along. But I have told her that I value honesty but you don't have to be open to the point where you tell me absolutely everything. 

Now as far as kissing and not telling, if she did that I would be OK with it. Likewise, if I did that I would be OK with it. 

The challenge goes back to do I have enough time to date both? Well 8 free nights a month where our son is with his Mother. Anything else requires babysitting. I am definitely putting more focus on one at the moment. But by no means was the other lady bad.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The real issue here is that nobody is addressing my need for date and clothing ideas.


:rofl: !!


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> so, these are both first dates? and you did not kiss either?
> 
> I think, especially if yes to both, you are ok dating both. I mean at this point you are just getting to know them, not like you are sleeping with both and not telling them...


I hear ya. It's mostly a time issue though. If I separate both it could be 1 week I date one, 1 week I date another. Could be longer then a week though as I do need some time to myself and my friends too. 

I am sure some or even most people have 1 - 2 weeks between dates, and there is nothing wrong with it. As far me though, I would have a REALLY hard time staying objective to the idea of looking for a long term relationship bouncing back and forth for weeks.


----------



## MRR

hope4family said:


> I didn't get physical with either. Frankly when multi-dating. Unless otherwise mentioned as "OK" verbally. I am not OK with it. My insight was correct when my 1st date told me "I saw a movie with some of my guy friends, but they aren't your competition."
> 
> Not that I would worry about competition at this or any phase. I absolutely am what I am and if I want you I pursue, just don't string me along. But I have told her that I value honesty but you don't have to be open to the point where you tell me absolutely everything.
> 
> Now as far as kissing and not telling, if she did that I would be OK with it. Likewise, if I did that I would be OK with it.
> 
> The challenge goes back to do I have enough time to date both? Well 8 free nights a month where our son is with his Mother. Anything else requires babysitting. I am definitely putting more focus on one at the moment. But by no means was the other lady bad.


I guess my concern is, if these were first dates, you do not know either of them at all, so how do you even make that choice?


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Side note: Why are some guys into such, for lack of better term, "rough" women? The girl he was with looked like she could open beer bottles with her teeth.





FeministInPink said:


> I don't think, in your example, that he was really into her. I think he targeted her because he thinks she has low self-esteem, and she'll be an easy lay, thinking she's so lucky that this guy (a 9?) is actually into her (a 3 or 4?). He's not really into her, he thinks she'll be easy, and there's this idea that ugly girls (and fat girls) are more freaky in bed. (Whereas pretty girls have to just lay there and look pretty.)
> 
> Some guys will, literally, fvck ANYTHING with a vagina.


awww, this made me feel bad because we are attacking women. I have low self esteem and I feel women attack me because of that. I feel we should celebrate women regardless of their looks. We need to support each other. This is a great forum for that.


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> I guess my concern is, if these were first dates, you do not know either of them at all, so how do you even make that choice?


Well, the first one was a second date actually. So my bad for miscommunication. 

How do I make the choice though...well...1st girl is winner by a hair, and a win is a win in my book. 

Probably had something to do with when we were discussing attraction she said "my attraction is subconscious." If you have followed my journey. You would know that early on in my divorce. I did a lot of counseling, and inevitably I wrote it (Attraction is subconscious") on my fridge door as a reminder for what I am looking for in someone. 

I totally get why you ask me "how do I know". Could be I am wrong, but I am new to this. Feel free to add my experience to your paradigm. I will let you know if it didn't work out.


----------



## ne9907

gouge_away said:


> Funny thing, we both wore the exact same outfits to court that we had on the night we met...
> 
> "Giggity Giggity!"


Congratulations. I find the occurrence of you both wearing the same outfits as when you met fitting! )) 
A complete circle. It is done. You are free.


----------



## MRR

hope4family said:


> Well, the first one was a second date actually. So my bad for miscommunication.
> 
> How do I make the choice though...well...1st girl is winner by a hair, and a win is a win in my book.
> 
> Probably had something to do with when we were discussing attraction she said "my attraction is subconscious." If you have followed my journey. You would know that early on in my divorce. I did a lot of counseling, and inevitably I wrote it (Attraction is subconscious") on my fridge door as a reminder for what I am looking for in someone.
> 
> I totally get why you ask me "how do I know". Could be I am wrong, but I am new to this. Feel free to add my experience to your paradigm. I will let you know if it didn't work out.


No I get it. If you HAVE to make an early decision you can go with what your feeling (barring any jarring red flags from a woman that you are very attracted to-- then DONT go with your feeling or you might choose to ignore the red flag(s)). 

I completely agree with you that attraction is subconscious-- or, as i like to say, attraction is not a choice. 

What exactly do you do with that information when you see it staring back at you from your fridge door?


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> Ahh..great story. Certainly a bit of a disappointment.
> 
> Last year, one morning I was riding up the elevator w. a couple people. There was a gorgeous girl directly across from me, and facing me. She had headphones in, looked at me and smiled and looked directly at my hand. I had been divorced for a year-- and that whole ten seconds made me nervous. We got off on the same floor and I could tell she was visiting -- we often have employees in from other sites for meetings on our campus so, again, this is NOT about dating in the office. I asked her if she was visiting and she said yes, and I was offering to help her locate the conference room but we were actually right outside it. I lost my nerve...ahhhh. A co worker came by with some items and I helped her carry them to our work area and...I kept my eye out for the girl but never saw her again. I was so struck by her that I even asked our VP/Work Director (who was also recently divorced) if she happened to know who she was, in a self deprecating way. She often organizes the meetings that require other people to come to our office so I thought there might be a chance. She said, No, I hope you find her!! And no, no one thought it was creepy.
> 
> Bottom line...I lost my nerve. I am now TWO years out of my marriage and trying to get better at that. If I had gotten her name I could have emailed her, which I am good at (MA English/Journalism) but...I deserved what I got (nothing).


you LIKED this NE? It still makes me a bit sad...but yeah interesting story and a good thing for me to keep in mind going forward. It never hurts to try, especially when a woman is making it easy ( to APPROACH her I mean!).


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> awww, this made me feel bad because we are attacking women. I have low self esteem and I feel women attack me because of that. I feel we should celebrate women regardless of their looks. We need to support each other. This is a great forum for that.


I'm not attacking women. I'm just pointing out the way that some men view less-attractive, and how they prey on their low-self esteem.

And let's be real for a moment. There are attractive people in the world, and there are unattractive people. It's just the way the world works. People tend to gravitate towards people at their own level of attractiveness.

When someone like a Yum Yum Dum Dum targets a woman who isn't as high on the attractiveness scale, she is flattered, and he will take advantage of that to get an easy lay. Because he's a douche and a low-life, because all HE sees is her level of attractiveness; he doesn't value anything else about he. 

It isn't because SHE isn't valuable as a person. But she needs to treat herself better and see that this guy is just using her.


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> No I get it. If you HAVE to make an early decision you can go with what your feeling (barring any jarring red flags from a woman that you are very attracted to-- then DONT go with your feeling or you might choose to ignore the red flag(s)).
> 
> I completely agree with you that attraction is subconscious-- or, as i like to say, attraction is not a choice.
> *
> What exactly do you do with that information when you see it staring back at you from your fridge door?*


Multiple things...in no particular order of importance. 

1) When asking myself why I felt a tug towards my ex at times. It helps me understand why I do, and she doesn't. It helped me cope with her leaving.

2) So when my friends come over, they inevitably read it, it becomes a conversation starter. You either instantly "get it" or you don't and either way it is a fun way of discussing personality traits and attraction.

3) I use it as a reminder to what I want in a relationship. I want to feel a magnetic pull both ways. There are times in a marriage where yes you could say "make it work", but overall I want this to be a part of any relationship I am in. I just want it to be ingrained in my mind and soul.


----------



## MRR

hope4family said:


> Multiple things...in no particular order of importance.
> 
> 1) When asking myself why I felt a tug towards my ex at times. It helps me understand why I do, and she doesn't. It helped me cope with her leaving.
> 
> 2) So when my friends come over, they inevitably read it, it becomes a conversation starter. You either instantly "get it" or you don't and either way it is a fun way of discussing personality traits and attraction.
> 
> 3) I use it as a reminder to what I want in a relationship. I want to feel a magnetic pull both ways. There are times in a marriage where yes you could say "make it work", but overall I want this to be a part of any relationship I am in. I just want it to be ingrained in my mind and soul.


It is definitely a great reminder. I am sure this is some of the reason my wife left too. I had lost the attractive person I was when I was younger to her whims/complaints/drama, along with the every day stress of life. I know now that the person I was every day was not attractive and that she did not necessarily choose to not be attracted to me. 

So, while I do not have it on my fridge, I have read a lot about relationships, how attraction 'works' etc and these kind of dynamics-- I mentioned this in my posts yesterday regarding the girl i occasionally see here at work. 

I think it is actually pretty fascinating as well (as far as a topic of conversation) and reading through these threads, the guys who have had their wives go cold and are trying to "logic" them back into loving them...that was me. 

What kinds of things does this motivate you to do as far as trying to maintain a level of attractiveness?


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> you LIKED this NE? It still makes me a bit sad...but yeah interesting story and a good thing for me to keep in mind going forward. It never hurts to try, especially when a woman is making it easy ( to APPROACH her I mean!).


I do. I find it cute. I am a believer in serendipity, this is such a happy occurrence. Whenever I met someone new, I always look at their ring finger 

On another news, I have a date tonight with a 34 year old guy. He is attractive, he has been texting randomly for about three weeks. Just like good morning etc. He asked me out on a date Friday but I wasn't in the mood. So yesterday, he began texting again. At the current moment, I am fed up with texting. I told him texting is boring, suggested drinks and we are going out today for dinner and drinks.

I am also going on a weekend trip to Carmel with the "love bombing" 47 year old. He has been very subdue. Not texting nor calling unless I do. I am on the fence with this guy. Sex is hot though... 

Anyway. I have a feeling 34 year old will cancel. If it happens, it happens. I still have like two or three more guys I randomly chat with, not to mention Mr. Hot Penis.


----------



## bkyln309

Wow! This group is deep. Notes to yourself about your divorce (reminders, inspirational messages) on the fridge about dating and life. Creative.

For myself, I cant imagine myself doing that or needing that. But it could be the way my marriage/relationships have been. Guess I am more black and white about things. My X was a disaster so I didnt really suffer from low self esteem or ponder what I did wrong. The marriage failed because he was 1000% a disaster. I was a good wife and Im pretty great overall and not bad looking to boot. If someone doesnt want that in their life, its their loss. I dont look to deep into things. I take them at face value and move on. 

Even with the older man this weekend, we had a pretty blunt conversation about what I need and want and I asked him the same. He doesnt feel it or want to work on it, then we have to make some hard decisions. He said he will work on his piece. I told him to tell me what I needed to do and I will work on mine to better the "us". I am not into the baby games anymore and the mystical. Either you can communicate your needs and wants or you cant. I cant read smoke signals.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Wow! This group is deep. Notes to yourself about your divorce (reminders, inspirational messages) on the fridge about dating and life. Creative.
> 
> For myself, I cant imagine myself doing that or needing that. But it could be the way my marriage/relationships have been. Guess I am more black and white about things. My X was a disaster so I didnt really suffer from low self esteem or ponder what I did wrong. The marriage failed because he was 1000% a disaster. I was a good wife and Im pretty great overall and not bad looking to boot. If someone doesnt want that in their life, its their loss. I dont look to deep into things. I take them at face value and move on.
> 
> Even with the older man this weekend, we had a pretty blunt conversation about what I need and want and I asked him the same. He doesnt feel it or want to work on it, then we have to make some hard decisions. He said he will work on his piece. I told him to tell me what I needed to do and I will work on mine to better the "us". I am not into the baby games anymore and the mystical. Either you can communicate your needs and wants or you cant. I cant read smoke signals.


I can't believe you're giving him another chance after this... I would have been ready to walk away. 

You can do better.


----------



## FeministInPink

And speaking of deep... I put inspirational messages as the screen saver on my phone all the time. Something that puts whatever I'm dealing with in perspective. I change it up a lot. 

I'm going to dig out this digital picture frame that I received as a gift and never opened (it was actually in the to-sell pile that went with my Sis, but I don't think it was sold), and I want to put a rotating gallery of this type of stuff on it (I have so many of these things now), along with other pics that bring me joy.


----------



## bkyln309

Kind of a temporary reprieve. Not sure what I'm doing long term. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

bkyln309 said:


> Wow! This group is deep. Notes to yourself about your divorce (reminders, inspirational messages) on the fridge about dating and life. Creative.
> 
> For myself, I cant imagine myself doing that or needing that. But it could be the way my marriage/relationships have been. Guess I am more black and white about things. My X was a disaster so I didnt really suffer from low self esteem or ponder what I did wrong. The marriage failed because he was 1000% a disaster. I was a good wife and Im pretty great overall and not bad looking to boot. If someone doesnt want that in their life, its their loss. I dont look to deep into things. I take them at face value and move on.
> 
> Even with the older man this weekend, we had a pretty blunt conversation about what I need and want and I asked him the same. He doesnt feel it or want to work on it, then we have to make some hard decisions. He said he will work on his piece. I told him to tell me what I needed to do and I will work on mine to better the "us". I am not into the baby games anymore and the mystical. Either you can communicate your needs and wants or you cant. I cant read smoke signals.


My attitude, since my divorce and then cancer 2x, is that there is ALWAYS an opportunity for growth-- and that is in any experience. 

And in examining my self and life more closely, I am much more open to new experiences or regaining old habits-- again, not just relationships. Taking writing classes, volunteering at a childrens hospital, jumping out of airplanes, having disastrous dating experiences. It's all good.


----------



## ne9907

bkyln309 said:


> Wow! This group is deep. Notes to yourself about your divorce (reminders, inspirational messages) on the fridge about dating and life. Creative.
> 
> For myself, I cant imagine myself doing that or needing that. But it could be the way my marriage/relationships have been. Guess I am more black and white about things. My X was a disaster so I didnt really suffer from low self esteem or ponder what I did wrong. The marriage failed because he was 1000% a disaster. I was a good wife and Im pretty great overall and not bad looking to boot. If someone doesnt want that in their life, its their loss. I dont look to deep into things. I take them at face value and move on.
> 
> Even with the older man this weekend, we had a pretty blunt conversation about what I need and want and I asked him the same. He doesnt feel it or want to work on it, then we have to make some hard decisions. He said he will work on his piece. I told him to tell me what I needed to do and I will work on mine to better the "us". I am not into the baby games anymore and the mystical. Either you can communicate your needs and wants or you cant. I cant read smoke signals.


I love inspirational quotes! 
My marriage was horrible as well, except I did not know anything until after I left. I was married to a narcissistic person who gaslighted me to the point that at the end, I was not sure who I was or what to believe. I left the marriage thinking I was a horrible person for wanting to leave a wonderful man (ex).
Of course, that was the never the case.

Inspirational quotes remind me that I DESERVE to be happy. I am happy. 

Bklyn--- Could it be possible that you want affirmation from those people who do not love/care about you?
Could you possibly be after this man because you want to prove to yourself you CAN MAKE HIM love you?

I said that because at one point in my life, I was did the exact thing. I sought men who were emotionally unavailable and tried my best to make them LOVE me. Of course, I know now, that it is impossible to make someone LOVE you, they either do or do not.


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> It is definitely a great reminder. I am sure this is some of the reason my wife left too. I had lost the attractive person I was when I was younger to her whims/complaints/drama, along with the every day stress of life. I know now that the person I was every day was not attractive and that she did not necessarily choose to not be attracted to me.
> 
> So, while I do not have it on my fridge, I have read a lot about relationships, how attraction 'works' etc and these kind of dynamics-- I mentioned this in my posts yesterday regarding the girl i occasionally see here at work.
> 
> I think it is actually pretty fascinating as well (as far as a topic of conversation) and reading through these threads, the guys who have had their wives go cold and are trying to "logic" them back into loving them...that was me.
> 
> *What kinds of things does this motivate you to do as far as trying to maintain a level of attractiveness?*


As weird as this sounds. We probably suffer from similar challenges. 

Over December, I finally had come to the decision that I want more children. Hopefully biologically. 

For a long time, I have just done me. I work out regularly, I have my hobby's, my dreams, my goals. I want to be going somewhere and not stuck. As a single parent, yes, certain things I am just "stuck at" lol. But that "stuck" is called being a parent which I enjoy, so I put my happiness first and sacrifice the rest for our son. 

I airsoft, I shoot guns, I plan to buy a house, I own the car I want, I have the job that allows me to pursue my hobby's, I play games when I can, I dance, I run, I love my child and do a lot with him, I prioritize health physically and mentally, and I just keep trying to grow. I don't really have all the answer for you. 

If a woman doesn't find that attractive. Then that's her problem and I will just move on.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> And speaking of deep... I put inspirational messages as the screen saver on my phone all the time. Something that puts whatever I'm dealing with in perspective. I change it up a lot.
> 
> I'm going to dig out this digital picture frame that I received as a gift and never opened (it was actually in the to-sell pile that went with my Sis, but I don't think it was sold), and I want to put a rotating gallery of this type of stuff on it (I have so many of these things now), along with other pics that bring me joy.



The digital photo frame idea is amazing!

I would love to know what you or anyone else would use as positive reminders and mantras-- should i start a thread of only those? 

I worked with a life coach right after my first chemo/radiation treatment a year and a half ago, and she told me that she had signs all over her house that she would put up for her and her kids. Her husband dealt with it, she joked. She was working on some sort of certification to get her to the next level; we went to college together so when she heard my story, we did a few phone sessions and she recorded them. she was awesome and positive messaging was a huge part of it.


----------



## GuyInColorado

So, as some of you know, I'm new to dating after spending the last 12 years with my wife (married for 8). I'm $7k into attorneys but being officially divorced is months away. Going without sex for the past 4 years and horrible sex the other 6, I moved on long ago and was ready to date immediately. I now have been dating a girl for 4 weeks and we are very much into each other. 

Anyways, we send each other selfies a lot, since we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I gotta say, this selfie thing is AWESOME! When you randomly get a sexy selfie from a bathroom stall, it just makes your day and makes you want her more! Ha. Just had to share. Ladies, send your man some sexy selfies every once in a while! And yes, I send her some of me too.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> :rofl: !!


If I dated as much as some of the people on this thread,
(1) I would run out of clothes to wear on dates PDQ and have to stay home to do laundry, or take a break to shop, and 
(2) I would have dated 100% of the single men in my town within 3 months, easy. Maybe less.
(3) My kids would complain about the lack of energy to make them crepes or whatever in the morning. 

I cannot remember how to have sex, let alone how to dress for a date with someone who could very well become a Serious Relationship. 

Never mind, I'll wear something sheer over a stretch layer tank top, my nice stretch jeans with the pencil leg, and boots (with heels). 

I'm trying to be relatively shallow for once and nobody can help me with that?
:surprise:


----------



## ne9907

GuyInColorado said:


> So, as some of you know, I'm new to dating after spending the last 12 years with my wife (married for 8). I'm $7k into attorneys but being officially divorced is months away. Going without sex for the past 4 years and horrible sex the other 6, I moved on long ago and was ready to date immediately. I now have been dating a girl for 4 weeks and we are very much into each other.
> 
> Anyways, we send each other selfies a lot, since we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I gotta say, this selfie thing is AWESOME! When you randomly get a sexy selfie from a bathroom stall, it just makes your day and makes you want her more! Ha. Just had to share. Ladies, send your man some sexy selfies every once in a while! And yes, I send her some of me too.



I am trying to be polite, but I would not take advice from you. You still have a lot to learn young Jedi.... A LOT!
On the plus side, it is wonderful that you are enjoying your relationship!!! Good for you!


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If I dated as much as some of the people on this thread,
> (1) I would run out of clothes to wear on dates PDQ and have to stay home to do laundry, or take a break to shop, and
> (2) I would have dated 100% of the single men in my town within 3 months, easy. Maybe less.
> (3) My kids would complain about the lack of energy to make them crepes or whatever in the morning.
> 
> I cannot remember how to have sex, let alone how to dress for a date with someone who could very well become a Serious Relationship.
> 
> Never mind, I'll wear something sheer over a stretch layer tank top, my nice stretch jeans with the pencil leg, and boots (with heels).
> 
> I'm trying to be relatively shallow for once and nobody can help me with that?
> :surprise:



haha
I go months and months without dating, then the dating bug hits me and I date a LOT!
I am lucky to never had a lack of people to meet when I am dating. 

Get a bran new sexy black little dress.
Hell, I don't know.... I wore cut off jean shorts, a tshirt, and boots to one of my dates... sans make up no less!
Guy loved it!!


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> The digital photo frame idea is amazing!
> 
> I would love to know what you or anyone else would use as positive reminders and mantras-- should i start a thread of only those?
> 
> I worked with a life coach right after my first chemo/radiation treatment a year and a half ago, and she told me that she had signs all over her house that she would put up for her and her kids. Her husband dealt with it, she joked. She was working on some sort of certification to get her to the next level; we went to college together so when she heard my story, we did a few phone sessions and she recorded them. she was awesome and positive messaging was a huge part of it.


Thank you. I told my sister about it, because I asked her if anyone bought the frame, and I have to get it from her because it's at her house, and she seemed to think it was a dumb idea. Then again, I love her, but my sister can be insensitive sometimes--I do see her taking after mom in a number of ways, even though she works to avoid it. (I'm sure that I have those blind spots, too.) Like mom, she sometimes lacks empathy and understanding--she's gotten MUCH better since she's had kids.

I haven't told anyone else this idea since. So I'm glad you like it 

(And I'd rather find the digital frame I already have, rather than spend money on a new one.)

I find things on Facebook, usually, via people and pages I follow, or groups I belong to. Sometimes I share them on my page. 

I like the idea of starting a new thread for just this stuff--I would be happy to post a few things to get it going, and I will keep posting a lot more over time 

Maybe I should be a life coach! I would be a good life coach.

(I'm trying to figure out what I want to do next in my life.)


----------



## FeministInPink

GuyInColorado said:


> So, as some of you know, I'm new to dating after spending the last 12 years with my wife (married for 8). I'm $7k into attorneys but being officially divorced is months away. Going without sex for the past 4 years and horrible sex the other 6, I moved on long ago and was ready to date immediately. I now have been dating a girl for 4 weeks and we are very much into each other.
> 
> Anyways, we send each other selfies a lot, since we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I gotta say, this selfie thing is AWESOME! When you randomly get a sexy selfie from a bathroom stall, it just makes your day and makes you want her more! Ha. Just had to share. Ladies, send your man some sexy selfies every once in a while! And yes, I send her some of me too.


I would, if:

a. I had a man to send them to

b. If I knew what type of selfie my man would find sexy

c. If I could actually take a selfie like that.

Also, so many women are self-conscious of their bodies... it's freaking impossible for me to take pictures of myself that I like. And forget about pictures that other people take. I hate them all.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am trying to be polite, but I would not take advice from you. You still have a lot to learn young Jedi.... A LOT!
> On the plus side, it is wonderful that you are enjoying your relationship!!! Good for you!


4 years of a sexless marriage? I think he gets a pass, Ne


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Thank you. I told my sister about it, because I asked her if anyone bought the frame, and I have to get it from her because it's at her house, and she seemed to think it was a dumb idea. Then again, I love her, but my sister can be insensitive sometimes--I do see her taking after mom in a number of ways, even though she works to avoid it. (I'm sure that I have those blind spots, too.) Like mom, she sometimes lacks empathy and understanding--she's gotten MUCH better since she's had kids.
> 
> I haven't told anyone else this idea since. So I'm glad you like it
> 
> (And I'd rather find the digital frame I already have, rather than spend money on a new one.)
> 
> I find things on Facebook, usually, via people and pages I follow, or groups I belong to. Sometimes I share them on my page.
> 
> I like the idea of starting a new thread for just this stuff--I would be happy to post a few things to get it going, and I will keep posting a lot more over time
> 
> Maybe I should be a life coach! I would be a good life coach.
> 
> (I'm trying to figure out what I want to do next in my life.)



You would be an amazing life coach. 

And I was shocked when the friend asked me if I would be interested in attending some weekend seminars with her (for the purpose of possibly getting into that). I did not really consider but she said she wasn't trying to push at all but thinks I would be good at it. I had never even considered that I would be, while the whole time im doing IC and talking to her about my experiences....


----------



## Lifescript

So ... 

I didn't call her. I'm rationalizing it saying that the timing is not right since I'm going the be out of the country for 10 days. But I'm kicking myself for not calling. What's the worst that can happen? That she says no or that she has a boyfriend. A friend thought u shouldn't call because it's her business cellphone on the card, not personal and thought a linkedin invite would be a good way to start talking since I met her through work. Meh 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not going out much to bars or social events where I can meet girls and when I do meet some that show interest I let them slip by. 

I have many #s of girls I talked to last year and never called. Some of them are good looking just not entirely my type but may have great personalities if I get to know them. I think sometimes I should ask them out anyways to get the experience and may gain a friend with nothing else happens. 

I like the idea about the digital frame too FIP. I'm very into quotes and inspirational reading. Have a amassed a huge collection of pic quotes. 

Glad your dates went well Hope 4 Life.


----------



## GuyInColorado

FeministInPink said:


> I would, if:
> 
> a. I had a man to send them to
> 
> b. If I knew what type of selfie my man would find sexy
> 
> c. If I could actually take a selfie like that.
> 
> Also, so many women are self-conscious of their bodies... it's freaking impossible for me to take pictures of myself that I like. And forget about pictures that other people take. I hate them all.


One in her in bra/panties blowdrying her hair in the morning turns me on! Lately she's been sending ones sitting on the toilet with her panties down to the knees and giving a seductive look, maybe letting the boobies show more. Sends them from work. She doesn't expose anything but it's sexy as hell. 

Click here to see one... I'm removing link in 20 minutes! http://i1249.photobucket.com/albums/hh507/pokermunkee/524_zpskazuurpv.jpg]


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If I dated as much as some of the people on this thread,
> (1) I would run out of clothes to wear on dates PDQ and have to stay home to do laundry, or take a break to shop, and
> (2) I would have dated 100% of the single men in my town within 3 months, easy. Maybe less.
> (3) My kids would complain about the lack of energy to make them crepes or whatever in the morning.
> 
> I cannot remember how to have sex, let alone how to dress for a date with someone who could very well become a Serious Relationship.
> 
> Never mind, I'll wear something sheer over a stretch layer tank top, my nice stretch jeans with the pencil leg, and boots (with heels).
> 
> I'm trying to be relatively shallow for once and nobody can help me with that?
> :surprise:


I know, I have no idea how people find the time and energy for all this dating!

Then again, I am an introvert and I need a lot of time to myself. And I also have a lot of self-improvement projects and hobbies that I am working on to enrich my life.

Did I mention that I've been going back to the gym? Work has been so fvcked the last two weeks that I haven't been to the gym in all that time, but I might get to go tomorrow! And this weekend!

I've been doing Zumba, which is @ 7 pm on Mon/Wed/Thurs and 9:45 am on Sat/Sun. I've basically told all my friends that I am only available for happy hours on Tuesday or Friday. If they want to see me the other days, it has to be after Zumba.

I think that outfit sounds like a GREAT date outfit!


----------



## FeministInPink

GuyInColorado said:


> One in her in bra/panties blowdrying her hair in the morning turns me on! Lately she's been sending ones sitting on the toilet with her panties down to the knees and giving a seductive look, maybe letting the boobies show more. Sends them from work. She doesn't expose anything but it's sexy as hell.
> 
> Click here to see one... I'm removing link in 20 minutes! http://i1249.photobucket.com/albums/hh507/pokermunkee/524_zpskazuurpv.jpg


See, now, I just wouldn't think that sitting on the toilet would be sexy... I can see if she how the panties around her knees, and showing her boobs might be... but on the toilet?


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> You would be an amazing life coach.
> 
> And I was shocked when the friend asked me if I would be interested in attending some weekend seminars with her (for the purpose of possibly getting into that). I did not really consider but she said she wasn't trying to push at all but thinks I would be good at it. I had never even considered that I would be, while the whole time im doing IC and talking to her about my experiences....


Thank you! I think I may need to get my own life in order first, though--right? Ha ha


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> See, now, I just wouldn't think that sitting on the toilet would be sexy... I can see if she how the panties around her knees, and showing her boobs might be... but on the toilet?


Ill be honest. I don't find it sexy. At all. 

Sorry, GIC.


----------



## GuyInColorado

You don't see the toilet... or if you do, it's just a little bit. Not all women can pull it off perhaps. Oh well, I like it! When we go on dates, we'll send them when we go to the bathroom, just stupid fun stuff. 

http://i1249.photobucket.com/albums/hh507/pokermunkee/524_zpskazuurpv.jpg


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> So ...
> 
> I didn't call her. I'm rationalizing it saying that the timing is not right since I'm going the be out of the country for 10 days. But I'm kicking myself for not calling. What's the worst that can happen? That she says no or that she has a boyfriend. A friend thought u shouldn't call because it's her business cellphone on the card, not personal and thought a linkedin invite would be a good way to start talking since I met her through work. Meh
> 
> I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not going out much to bars or social events where I can meet girls and when I do meet some that show interest I let them slip by.
> 
> I have many #s of girls I talked to last year and never called. Some of them are good looking just not entirely my type but may have great personalities if I get to know them. I think sometimes I should ask them out anyways to get the experience and may gain a friend with nothing else happens.
> 
> I like the idea about the digital frame too FIP. I'm very into quotes and inspirational reading. Have a amassed a huge collection of pic quotes.
> 
> Glad your dates went well Hope 4 Life.


OK, is your friend actively dating? Or is your friend settled down/married? Don't take dating advice from married people, they forget what it's like.

Here's the thing about LinkedIn: you can connect, but 1) it makes it look like your interest is strictly professional, and 2) no one ever checks their LinkedIn messages, so you could send her a message, and you will never hear back because she didn't see it.

And a lot of people use the same cell phone for work and personal, if the company is paying and it's unlimited minutes.

Basically, I think your friend's advice is lame.

Why are you rationalizing your decision NOT to call her--and to NOT call all these other women? Do you even want to date?


----------



## ne9907

GuyInColorado said:


> You don't see the toilet... or if you do, it's just a little bit. Not all women can pull it off perhaps. Oh well, I like it!


As long as you like it, that is all that matters. 

However, I must say I find your interactions disturbing.... 
Keep yourself guarded okay. Love bombing goes both ways... women do it as well...


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Thank you! I think I may need to get my own life in order first, though--right? Ha ha


Well, that's what I thought of myself too. She has been into this for probably 15 years, working slowly from communications/motivational stuff and then more into interpersonal coaching. She basically implied with my life experience, the way I handled the traumatic events and rebounded, the way I communicate and then my empathy and drive, would translate well IF it is what I wanted to do.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Ill be honest. I don't find it sexy. At all.
> 
> Sorry, GIC.


To each their own. And if you were knocking boots with her, you might change your mind. Maybe not.



GuyInColorado said:


> You don't see the toilet... or if you do, it's just a little bit. Not all women can pull it off perhaps. Oh well, I like it!


For me, it doesn't matter if you can't see it, I still know it's there. But hey, if you like it and it works for you, I hope she keeps it up!


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> As long as you like it, that is all that matters.
> 
> *However, I must say I find your interactions disturbing.... *
> Keep yourself guarded okay. Love bombing goes both ways... women do it as well...



Is it just the selfies or is there more?


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> Is it just the selfies or is there more?


Well... he posted on another thread how he was looking for an engagement ring after like two weeks of knowing her. Also, she lives with her mother and has two children. He is not divorced yet... All screams like a bad dream.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> OK, is your friend actively dating? Or is your friend settled down/married? Don't take dating advice from married people, they forget what it's like.
> 
> Here's the thing about LinkedIn: you can connect, but 1) it makes it look like your interest is strictly professional, and 2) no one ever checks their LinkedIn messages, so you could send her a message, and you will never hear back because she didn't see it.
> 
> And a lot of people use the same cell phone for work and personal, if the company is paying and it's unlimited minutes.
> 
> Basically, I think your friend's advice is lame.
> 
> Why are you rationalizing your decision NOT to call her--and to NOT call all these other women? Do you even want to date?


My friend is married. 

I see your point about linkedin. I only started checking my account recently because I'm job hunting. 

I do want to date. Not doing OLD but definitely interested in getting to know women I meet in my day to day life. 

My rationale is that if I could her it's now too late to see her before the trip which is on Friday and I would not be able to anyways since I'm swamped with last minute things to buy and doing catchup work at my company. 

Although I know that's not a good excuse. I could contact her and tell her i'd like to take her out when I'm back. 

I'm a mess. 

Add me to the group of folks who don't find a selfie sitting in a toilet sexy. I got one of those last year from a girl. She was drunk and her sister took a picture of her while peeing I'm the bathroom lol 

It was more funny than sexy. Told her I wanted a pic from another angle but never got that pic


----------



## GuyInColorado

Ha, I looked like once. I'm taking it slow. Really slow. Her mom has a huge house and her dad died, so she moved in with mom after divorcing in California and been there since. Works with severe special needs kids at a high school for past 6 years, so isn't a deadbeat. Her mom who doesn't work can help out with her kids, so it just works for her.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> To each their own. And if you were knocking boots with her, you might change your mind. Maybe not.
> 
> 
> 
> For me, it doesn't matter if you can't see it, I still know it's there. But hey, if you like it and it works for you, I hope she keeps it up!



You are almost certainly right that Id feel differently if I were sleeping with her. It isn't HER it is the whole scenario. The toilet thing. Doesn't turn me on.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Well... he posted on another thread how he was looking for an engagement ring after like two weeks of knowing her. Also, she lives with her mother and has two children. He is not divorced yet... All screams like a bad dream.


Oh, he's THAT guy? Then yes, I agree with you.


----------



## Lifescript

The reason why I haven't called these other women is because I don't feel super attracted to them. I mean I would have fun with them of course. But I don't like wasting people's time. Part of me would feel wrong dating them not feeling crazy attracted to them. But then again could happen that I go out and really like them or one of them. I don't just look for physical looks. I haven't given them a chance to show me their personality.

And they could also be down to just have fun and so I'm also shooting myself in the foot here. Just gotta be honest.


----------



## MRR

GuyInColorado said:


> Ha, I looked like once. *I'm taking it slow. Really slow.* Her mom has a huge house and her dad died, so she moved in with mom after divorcing in California and been there since. Works with severe special needs kids at a high school for past 6 years, so isn't a deadbeat. Her mom who doesn't work can help out with her kids, so it just works for her.


Ok, just FYI, you aren't.

I have been there before-- very similar situation, no affection in last several years of marriage, started dating before divorce final and getting sex and was 'head over heels' I suppose you could say (and I thought i was taking it slowly too), but you are not taking it slowly. Enjoy it though.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, he's THAT guy? Then yes, I agree with you.


this made me laugh!



Lifescript said:


> The reason why I haven't called these other women is because I don't feel super attracted to them. I mean I would have fun with them of course. But I don't like wasting people's time. Part of me would feel wrong dating them not feeling crazy attracted to them. But then again could happen that I go out and really like them or one of them. I don't just look for physical looks. I haven't given them a chance to show me their personality.
> 
> And they could also be down to just have fun and so I'm also shooting myself in the foot here. Just gotta be honest.


Attraction grows exponentially once you met them. At least, that is how attractions works with me. Sometimes I do not think a guy is super good looking until I get to know them more, then they become the hottest man on earth!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Don't post her pics here. I find it disrespectful to her. Especially toilet pics. 

Now anything sexier I'd probably be ok with  

Lol


----------



## GuyInColorado

I'm 34. Am I way younger than you guys? Perhaps having no fun for past 10 years just makes me not give a crap.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> this made me laugh!
> 
> 
> 
> Attraction grows exponentially once you met them. At least, that is how attractions works with me. Sometimes I do not think a guy is super good looking until I get to know them more, then they become the hottest man on earth!!!


I should definitely explore this with them.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> My friend is married.
> 
> I see your point about linkedin. I only started checking my account recently because I'm job hunting.
> 
> I do want to date. Not doing OLD but definitely interested in getting to know women I meet in my day to day life.
> 
> My rationale is that if I could her it's now too late to see her before the trip which is on Friday and I would not be able to anyways since I'm swamped with last minute things to buy and doing catchup work at my company.
> 
> Although I know that's not a good excuse. I could contact her and tell her i'd like to take her out when I'm back.
> 
> I'm a mess.
> 
> Add me to the group of folks who don't find a selfie sitting in a toilet sexy. I got one of those last year from a girl. She was drunk and her sister took a picture of her while peeing I'm the bathroom lol
> 
> It was more funny than sexy. Told her I wanted a pic from another angle but never got that pic


Married people do NOT know what dating after divorce is like. Unless they were divorced and got remarried yesterday. I would never take dating advice from my sister, she has no idea! She met her husband when they were teenagers. I would ask her about marriage advice, since they seem happily married. But dating? NOOOO.

OK, since you're swamped, etc, until the trip, this is what you do:

Send her an email. Not linked in, an EMAIL. And here is what you say:
_*
Janet,

I really enjoyed meeting you last week. I'm going out of town for a business trip for two weeks, starting this Friday, but I want to take you out for a drink once I'm back in town. When I get back, should I call you on this number (reference her work cell), or do you have a different preferred number? 

Best, 
Lifescript​*_









Well, look at that, I think I just got you a date.

She'll either reply in the affirmative, and give you her personal cell (if she has one), or she'll say that she's flattered but she can't because she's seeing someone. Which she won't, because she's not.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> The reason why I haven't called these other women is because I don't feel super attracted to them. I mean I would have fun with them of course. But I don't like wasting people's time. Part of me would feel wrong dating them not feeling crazy attracted to them. But then again could happen that I go out and really like them or one of them. I don't just look for physical looks. I haven't given them a chance to show me their personality.
> 
> And they could also be down to just have fun and so I'm also shooting myself in the foot here. Just gotta be honest.


Yes, you ARE shooting yourself in the foot. We're talking dating. She doesn't have to be the love of your life right out the gate!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> If I dated as much as some of the people on this thread,
> (1) I would run out of clothes to wear on dates PDQ and have to stay home to do laundry, or take a break to shop, and
> (2) I would have dated 100% of the single men in my town within 3 months, easy. Maybe less.
> (3) My kids would complain about the lack of energy to make them crepes or whatever in the morning.
> 
> I cannot remember how to have sex, let alone how to dress for a date with someone who could very well become a Serious Relationship.
> 
> Never mind, I'll wear something sheer over a stretch layer tank top, my nice stretch jeans with the pencil leg, and boots (with heels).
> 
> I'm trying to be relatively shallow for once and nobody can help me with that?
> :surprise:


I think that sounds like great first date attire . And I'm with you....if I start dating again on a regular basis, I need to go shopping! 

Crepes for breakfast? Lucky kiddos!


----------



## MRR

GuyInColorado said:


> I'm 34. Am I way younger than you guys? Perhaps having no fun for past 10 years just makes me not give a crap.


yeah, i get it. i understand you don't really know what you are doing, or where you are at. i went through the same thing two years ago. i don't know what is going to happen with you and the girl in the john, but you are not taking it slow.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Married people do NOT know what dating after divorce is like. Unless they were divorced and got remarried yesterday. I would never take dating advice from my sister, she has no idea! She met her husband when they were teenagers. I would ask her about marriage advice, since they seem happily married. But dating? NOOOO.
> 
> OK, since you're swamped, etc, until the trip, this is what you do:
> 
> Send her an email. Not linked in, an EMAIL. And here is what you say:
> _*
> Janet,
> 
> I really enjoyed meeting you last week. I'm going out of town for a business trip for two weeks, starting this Friday, but I want to take you out for a drink once I'm back in town. When I get back, should I call you on this number (reference her work cell), or do you have a different preferred number?
> 
> Best,
> Lifescript​*_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, look at that, I think I just got you a date.
> 
> She'll either reply in the affirmative, and give you her personal cell (if she has one), or she'll say that she's flattered but she can't because she's seeing someone. Which she won't, because she's not.



Excellent. 

And they said you couldn't be a life coach...


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Excellent.
> 
> And they said you couldn't be a life coach...


Wait, who's been talking about me?!? :grin2:


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> My attitude, since my divorce and then cancer 2x, is that there is ALWAYS an opportunity for growth-- and that is in any experience.
> 
> And in examining my self and life more closely, I am much more open to new experiences or regaining old habits-- again, not just relationships. Taking writing classes, volunteering at a childrens hospital, jumping out of airplanes, having disastrous dating experiences. It's all good.


I so agree with this! 

Always, always room to grow and learn more about ourselves and the world around us.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Married people do NOT know what dating after divorce is like. Unless they were divorced and got remarried yesterday. I would never take dating advice from my sister, she has no idea! She met her husband when they were teenagers. I would ask her about marriage advice, since they seem happily married. But dating? NOOOO.
> 
> OK, since you're swamped, etc, until the trip, this is what you do:
> 
> Send her an email. Not linked in, an EMAIL. And here is what you say:
> _*
> Janet,
> 
> I really enjoyed meeting you last week. I'm going out of town for a business trip for two weeks, starting this Friday, but I want to take you out for a drink once I'm back in town. When I get back, should I call you on this number (reference her work cell), or do you have a different preferred number?
> 
> Best,
> Lifescript​*_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, look at that, I think I just got you a date.
> 
> She'll either reply in the affirmative, and give you her personal cell (if she has one), or she'll say that she's flattered but she can't because she's seeing someone. Which she won't, because she's not.


Thanks FIP. You rock!


----------



## Lifescript

Should I use my personal email or work email?


----------



## Lifescript

Email sent ... will let you guys know


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Should I use my personal email or work email?


I would use the personal email, but you may have to intro yourself first, as she won't recognize the address/domain.

It's better, because it makes it clear that this is personal, and not professional. 

The only exception is if you suspect her work domain has a strict spam filter, and if your email might go to her junk folder.

If you send from your personal email, you'll likely get her personal email address in return.

ETA: Just saw that you already sent the email. If you sent from your work email, it's not a big deal. But I would move the exchanger to personal email sooner rather than later.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Thanks FIP. You rock!


And you're welcome!


----------



## Lifescript

I used personal email


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I used personal email


See, you don't need me


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> Wait, who's been talking about me?!? :grin2:


Hahaha! I'd take both you and @homemakerNumberoUno to be my life coaches!


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, you ARE shooting yourself in the foot. We're talking dating. She doesn't have to be the love of your life right out the gate!


I was about to get the 2x4 out. So I am glad Script listened to you. 

@Lifescript, asking a woman out isn't hard. Even if you aren't sure you are interested. In fact all the more reason. You have no idea what you want. Otherwise if you wanted it, you would be doing it. 

I strongly recommend you join a social dance scene, make some friends, and even get 1 or 2 female friends only. Frankly, you have to learn that it's "no big deal" to ask someone out. Do not be afraid to have friends of the opposite sex.


----------



## Lifescript

hope4family said:


> I was about to get the 2x4 out. So I am glad Script listened to you.
> 
> @Lifescript, asking a woman out isn't hard. Even if you aren't sure you are interested. In fact all the more reason. You have no idea what you want. Otherwise if you wanted it, you would be doing it.
> 
> I strongly recommend you join a social dance scene, make some friends, and even get 1 or 2 female friends only. Frankly, you have to learn that it's "no big deal" to ask someone out. Do not be afraid to have friends of the opposite sex.


I like the social dance idea. Will look into it. Joining meet up is on my to do list but haven't gotten to it. 

Honestly, I find dating very time consuming and also expensive if done regularly. I guess that's why I feel like I should really be into the girl to ask her out. 

I spent a lot last time I was dating. My mistake I know. I was trying to impress her. Stupid of me.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> I like the social dance idea. Will look into it. Joining meet up is on my to do list but haven't gotten to it.
> 
> Honestly, I find dating very time consuming and also expensive if done regularly. I guess that's why I feel like I should really be into the girl to ask her out.
> 
> I spent a lot last time I was dating. My mistake I know. I was trying to impress her. Stupid of me.


There are a lot of women who even think paying for their meal during a date is cool. 

Yes, dating is very very very time consuming. Find a woman who understands that you put your son first until her role is obvious and you trust her. Easier said then done. I think so, I just started trying. Like I said, it's up to whether or not you want to try. 

As far as whether or not you are interested. I implore you to give every woman a second look. The only traits you want to avoid, are the same traits your ex has. Otherwise, just be you.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> I like the social dance idea. Will look into it. Joining meet up is on my to do list but haven't gotten to it.
> 
> Honestly, I find dating very time consuming and also expensive if done regularly. I guess that's why I feel like I should really be into the girl to ask her out.
> 
> I spent a lot last time I was dating. My mistake I know. I was trying to impress her. Stupid of me.


Ok, then implement this solution: 

Moving forward, keep your first dates simple: either coffee or happy hour drinks after work. Limit the time to an hour or so. This will minimize the time and money that you invest on first dates. You get to know her better (and she you) without the pressure of a whole dinner - date thing. 

If you like her, proceed to date two: a free or cheap activity that involves interaction, preferably something you think she will like based on date 1. (So start keeping up on activities like that in your area.) You can do drinks or coffee again, but if you do, it needs to be a little more interesting, like Trivia Night, or a bar whose gimmick is board games.

If that goes well, then you can advance to date 3: take her out to dinner, and spend some cash. By this point, you should like/know her enough that this feels like an investment, rather than a potential waste of money.


----------



## hope4family

Joining a social dance scene will be good for you. It will give you a chance to interact with women all over the physical attraction spectrum. It will boost your confidence (which is apparently lacking) and give you a chance to make friends who are male and female. Most importantly it may help show you that there is more to attraction than your initial perceived "interest level".


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Ok, then implement this solution:
> 
> Moving forward, keep your first dates simple: either coffee or happy hour drinks after work. Limit the time to an hour or so. This will minimize the time and money that you invest on first dates. You get to know her better (and she you) without the pressure of a whole dinner - date thing.
> 
> If you like her, proceed to date two: a free or cheap activity that involves interaction, preferably something you think she will like based on date 1. (So start keeping up on activities like that in your area.) You can do drinks or coffee again, but if you do, it needs to be a little more interesting, like Trivia Night, or a bar whose gimmick is board games.
> 
> If that goes well, then you can advance to date 3: take her out to dinner, and spend some cash. By this point, you should like/know her enough that this feels like an investment, rather than a potential waste of money.


 @Lifescript and for Efin's sake have some fun! Seriously, no wonder dating isn't fun. You make it seem like it's watching paint dry to get to know someone.


----------



## FeministInPink

PS. Quality women aren't impressed by men who throw a lot of money around. Quality women are impressed by character and personality.

Personally, I like a man who wants to treat me, and spoil me a little--because God knows I deserve a little love and spoiling after all the **** that life has thrown at me--but who is also fiscally responsible. Throwing around money to impress me makes me wonder if you're going to be blowing all our money if we get involved long-term, and if you'll ruin my chances for a comfortable retirement.

Don't spend the money until you know she's worth investing in.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> Personally, I like a man who wants to treat me, and spoil me a little--because God knows I deserve a little love and spoiling after all the **** that life has thrown at me--but who is also fiscally responsible. Throwing around money to impress me makes me wonder if you're going to be blowing all our money if we get involved long-term, and if you'll ruin my chances for a comfortable retirement.
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk



Those seem like conflicting goals.

Are you saying you want a man who makes enough to spoil you without jeopardizing your retirement if you get involved? I suppose with enough money it would be possible to do both. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## hope4family

Acoa said:


> Those seem like conflicting goals.
> 
> Are you saying you want a man who makes enough to spoil you without jeopardizing your retirement if you get involved? I suppose with enough money it would be possible to do both.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I didn't read it that way. She wouldn't mind being spoiled. But don't screw the long term for a short term empty gain. Seems logical if anything.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Ok, then implement this solution:
> 
> Moving forward, keep your first dates simple: either coffee or happy hour drinks after work. Limit the time to an hour or so. This will minimize the time and money that you invest on first dates. You get to know her better (and she you) without the pressure of a whole dinner - date thing.
> 
> If you like her, proceed to date two: a free or cheap activity that involves interaction, preferably something you think she will like based on date 1. (So start keeping up on activities like that in your area.) You can do drinks or coffee again, but if you do, it needs to be a little more interesting, like Trivia Night, or a bar whose gimmick is board games.
> 
> If that goes well, then you can advance to date 3: take her out to dinner, and spend some cash. By this point, you should like/know her enough that this feels like an investment, rather than a potential waste of money.


I like this date progression. 

I'd go with happy hour (drinks) on first date. I don't know why but I've never liked the idea of coffee dates. I love coffee but I think coffee dates would be boring. But what do I know. I haven't tried it so. 


Skating on second date. Skating is something I enjoy doing very much. Or bowling, pool. Karaoke? 

And then the third date could be dinner. When hanging out with the guys we usually go to cheap places where you get bang for you buck especially when it comes to drinks applebees, a local bar we like a lot, TGI fridays, some other bars. 

I was going to take one of the girls I went out with to this bar in a hotel inside a library. It's pretty cool. Will take a fine lady there one day.


----------



## Lifescript

hope4family said:


> @Lifescript and for Efin's sake have some fun! Seriously, no wonder dating isn't fun. You make it seem like it's watching paint dry to get to know someone.


I have to admit that since I was married for a long time and didn't really do a lot of dating before marriage I go into these dates with a lot of pressure to perform. I need to relax. I usually do real good once I'm in the date.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> PS. Quality women aren't impressed by men who throw a lot of money around. Quality women are impressed by character and personality.
> 
> Personally, I like a man who wants to treat me, and spoil me a little--because God knows I deserve a little love and spoiling after all the **** that life has thrown at me--but who is also fiscally responsible. Throwing around money to impress me makes me wonder if you're going to be blowing all our money if we get involved long-term, and if you'll ruin my chances for a comfortable retirement.
> 
> Don't spend the money until you know she's worth investing in.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


This was a rookie mistake on my part. This was the girl who had broken up with her ex who works in Wall Street and has a ton of money. Silly me felt like since she was used to going to fancy restaurants that's where I needed to take her. Felt very dumb afterwards. Lesson learned. One night I spent almost $400 when I took her to her "favorite" restaurant. 

Bottom line is I need to have fun and adopt a I don't give a Fvck attitude when it comes to dating. Like this is me, I'm going to have fun, treat you well and let's see what happens but will not be taken advantage of.


----------



## Lifescript

I get what FIP is saying. 

She wants to be spoiled every now and then but not at the expense of getting into debt, not paying the mortgage and so on. 

I'm happy that after I separated from my ex I've been making sound financial decisions. It's harder to make smart moves when in a marriage. No excuse but oftentimes the spouse makes it almost impossible.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Lifescript said:


> I get what FIP is saying.
> 
> She wants to be spoiled every now and then but not at the expense of getting into debt, not paying the mortgage and so on.
> 
> I'm happy that after I separated from my ex I've been making sound financial decisions. It's harder to make smart moves when in a marriage. No excuse but oftentimes the spouse makes it almost impossible.



Truth! Especially in a miserable marriage... we spent money like crazy trying to be happy. Eventually you run out of money or things to buy!

I'm now content driving an older car that is paid off. Driving new cars took it's toll after so many years. Jeez, I was dumb when I was younger. I want to have a nice house that I can afford, that will be my only debt.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> I didn't read it that way. She wouldn't mind being spoiled. But don't screw the long term for a short term empty gain. Seems logical if anything.


Bingo. That's exactly what I meant.

And it depends on one's definition of how to spoil, too. I'm a pretty self-sufficient woman; I don't need or expect a guy to pay for everything, or spend a ton of money to impress me. My love languages are physical touch or quality time. 

But I grew up poor. We didn't have money for stuff, so I will go without and avoid spending money out of habit. So when I say spoil, I mean things that I wouldn't otherwise do for myself, and he does it because he knows that about me , and just wants to do a little something to make me happy.

Like he sees a corner vendor selling flowers, so he buys me some on a whim. Or he's at CVS, and they have Jelly Bellies by the register, which are may favorites, so he gets them for me because he knows they will make me smile.


----------



## Lifescript

GuyInColorado said:


> Truth! Especially in a miserable marriage... we spent money like crazy trying to be happy. Eventually you run out of money or things to buy!
> 
> I'm now content driving an older car that is paid off. Driving new cars took it's toll after so many years. Jeez, I was dumb when I was younger. I want to have a nice house that I can afford, that will be my only debt.


Yup! 

And the expensive vacations as a last effort to save the marriage. Of course, after the happy times during the vacations things go back to bring the same old same.


----------



## gouge_away

The hotel we stayed at put 2 kureig cups in the room every morning. I drank one, and because my wife didn't drink coffee saved the other in my luggage. Today I found the last cup from my wedding day. Almost 3 years old. And drank it!

Best cup of coffee ever.

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Yup!
> 
> And the expensive vacations as a last effort to save the marriage. Of course, after the happy times during the vacations things go back to bring the same old same.


XH and I did that. The vacation itself wasn't expensive, until you get to the part where we purchased the vacation share. Which I received in the divorce, along with the debt. (Although, I took it on, voluntarily, because I was the one who wanted it in the first place.)


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> XH and I did that. The vacation itself wasn't expensive, until you get to the part where we purchased the vacation share. Which I received in the divorce, along with the debt. (Although, I took it on, voluntarily, because I was the one who wanted it in the first place.)



Ours was to San Fransisco. I kept it in budget. If the X had planned it I would still be paying for it. A week in the city isn't cheap. I was proud of myself; airfare, food and lodging for under $1500.

Did use some points too, but that's what they are for. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TooNice

We never took a honeymoon, sadly. And in 20 years never took more than a rare weekend without kids. We did invest in a vacation program later in our marriage, which really confused me when I found out how long he had been planning his exit strategy. 

I made him take that in the divorce.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I didn't marry my kids' dad but was with him for 7 years. He never pushed for marriage or continued to court me after I said yes to his proposal, and he never produced a ring. After I had my baby I went to St. Martin. On my own with my two boys. It was a really good non-honeymoon, and since we're now separated I'm not faced with the memories of him having been there. I took a side trip to Saba, and found the place I will go on my 'real' honeymoon, when I have one. It's been 15 years...but I kept that place in my mind, and trust me, it will happen. My subconscious intent never fails. It's just a matter of patience. That place is unsullied in my mind by a male presence of the wrong kind, but it's been waiting there...and I will return, with company. 

Oh, my eldest kid barfed on the ferry from St. Martin to Saba. I sat happily bouncing over the waves on the boat with a coffee, a croissant and nursing my 4 month old. The 20-something deck hand practically drooled over my womanly seaworthiness. lol. And the Italian men at the resort where I stayed were always coming over to admire the baby (while I was nursing...) but who cares, the resort adjoined the topless beach, everything's better in French.

Best honeymoon ever. But it can be bested.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Wait, who's been talking about me?!? :grin2:


Coincidentally, I got this email this morning from my friend....

Quick question… 

Would you be interested in a year of FREE coaching? We’re looking for 6 guest clients for the program this year (we just started back up two weeks ago) and part of the participants experience is they coach throughout the year. Because of that we need guest clients who are willing to participate in that experience. Here are the deets:
We are looking for 6 amazing individual(s) who is/are eager to:
• Receive personal 1-on-1 coaching for 10 months.
• Create a powerful partnership with a different coach each month.
• Be in action on project(s) of their own design.
• Be coachable (willing to take on weekly practices areas).
• Be straight with their coaches (tell what’s really true for them).
• Be part of a live coaching session in front of about # coaches one Sunday per month for 10 months
• Be video-taped during Sunday sessions (for AC accreditation and training purposes only).
• Be responsible for all costs related to coaching calls and monthly transportation to/from the program in [large city about 6 hrs away]. 

The individual(s) selected will receive: 
• Coaching by trained professionals under the mentorship of Accomplishment Coaching Certified Mentor Coaches.
• Powerful listening from a place of co-designing the life of client’s dreams, NOW.
• Access to possibility, new ways of being, and alternatives to “business as usual”.
• A suitable and workable gradient for the client to achieve his/her goals.
• Tools and distinctions that add velocity and power to the areas of life the client identifies.
• “Spot coaching” for urgent issues between sessions on an as-available basis.
• An unshakeable stand for the client’s Greatness.
What I see is you’d need to be in [large city 6 hours away] one Sunday a month to ‘get coached’ live… and meet with the Coach. If you could make that work for yourself – I think this would be an incredible thing… oh yes, and we could see one another once a month! Whaaa??? So you’d have to make it work with your kiddos – it’s always the second Sunday of the month (I can send you dates)… you could certainly drive in and out in one day, too.

Thoughts?

Let me know if this is something you might be interested in… it’s POWERFUL and a true gift. I am also happy to answer any questions you might have.

Xoxo


----------



## ne9907

My date with the 34 year old went well. I found out some things about myself, mainly I like a man who express himself intelligently.

This man spoke like a child, perhaps a teenager, using a lot of "likes" "you know" etc. I found that off putting. I am trying not to sound uptight... but it is difficult. He is a simpler man that I am used to. Which is surprising because the last guy I dated was a very simple man, yet his speech pattern was almost methodical. 

Conversation with him was almost like speaking with a teenager who has a different language. I am simply disappointed at myself, I judged him because of his speech pattern thinking he was a simpleton (ugh... I dislike myself for even saying that word "simpleton") so I digged deeper, and deeper, and deeper, he has not travel outside of the United States, he does not seem to want to. 

On top of that he looked at several other women so definitely disqualified him from any romantic interest on my part. After dinner, I took him to meet a bunch of my friends at a sushi place, I have a couple of single girlfriends who might find him attractive. The night was not entirely wasted. He is a good man just not for me.

I also found myself missing the guy I dated, the loser, I miss him so much!! I loved our conversations and the fact that I was myself around him. He knows my ups and downs, my sad days, my moody days, the issues with ex husband. I just miss him. 

Tonight the love bombing guy is cooking dinner for us again. I have not seen him since last Thursday because he had his children.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Got a date with my girl tomorrow night. She wants to do karaoke. I want to do darts/pool. We'll see who wins. Then I get to see her Saturday night. She's taking me to a two table poker game at a friend's house that starts at 5p. After that breaks, we are going bowling with her friend/husband. Woot!


----------



## MRR

GuyInColorado said:


> Got a date with my girl tomorrow night. She wants to do karaoke. I want to do darts/pool. We'll see who wins. Then I get to see her Saturday night. She's taking me to a two table poker game at a friend's house that starts at 5p. After that breaks, we are going bowling with her friend/husband. Woot!


Plenty of opportunities to work a marriage proposal in there.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> Even with the older man this weekend, we had a pretty blunt conversation about what I need and want and I asked him the same. He doesnt feel it or want to work on it, then we have to make some hard decisions. He said he will work on his piece. I told him to tell me what I needed to do and I will work on mine to better the "us". I am not into the baby games anymore and the mystical. Either you can communicate your needs and wants or you cant. I cant read smoke signals.


Sorry, but you should have just dumped his ass.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Acoa said:


> Ours was to San Fransisco. I kept it in budget. *If the X had planned it I would still be paying for it. * A week in the city isn't cheap. I was proud of myself; airfare, food and lodging for under $1500.
> 
> Did use some points too, but that's what they are for.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This.. or to put it better, if my ex had* non-planned *it. It would have been a giant credit card spree maxing out everything we could until we could spend no more, and then probably have had her looking around for quick payday loans on next weeks paycheck.. 

I'm not joking. She got that bad toward the end and would pout when I didn't say yes to doing a trip like and spending impulsively on whatever she wanted.

I guess that's when I solidified my "boring" aspect.


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> Plenty of opportunities to work a marriage proposal in there.


I disagree, there is no flute quartet nor rose petals nor white doves magically flying away from a dazzling silver rainbow during the most brilliant moon on the most perfect spring day.


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> I disagree, there is no flute quartet nor rose petals nor white doves magically flying away from a dazzling silver rainbow during the most brilliant moon on the most perfect spring day.


Well, you're right. GIC did previously say his (new) girl _'deserves the best!'
_
So....plenty of time to line this stuff up and propose marriage...You got about 30 hours.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Coincidentally, I got this email this morning from my friend....
> 
> Quick question…
> 
> Would you be interested in a year of FREE coaching? We’re looking for 6 guest clients for the program this year (we just started back up two weeks ago) and part of the participants experience is they coach throughout the year. Because of that we need guest clients who are willing to participate in that experience. Here are the deets:
> We are looking for 6 amazing individual(s) who is/are eager to:
> • Receive personal 1-on-1 coaching for 10 months.
> • Create a powerful partnership with a different coach each month.
> • Be in action on project(s) of their own design.
> • Be coachable (willing to take on weekly practices areas).
> • Be straight with their coaches (tell what’s really true for them).
> • Be part of a live coaching session in front of about # coaches one Sunday per month for 10 months
> • Be video-taped during Sunday sessions (for AC accreditation and training purposes only).
> • Be responsible for all costs related to coaching calls and monthly transportation to/from the program in [large city about 6 hrs away].
> 
> The individual(s) selected will receive:
> • Coaching by trained professionals under the mentorship of Accomplishment Coaching Certified Mentor Coaches.
> • Powerful listening from a place of co-designing the life of client’s dreams, NOW.
> • Access to possibility, new ways of being, and alternatives to “business as usual”.
> • A suitable and workable gradient for the client to achieve his/her goals.
> • Tools and distinctions that add velocity and power to the areas of life the client identifies.
> • “Spot coaching” for urgent issues between sessions on an as-available basis.
> • An unshakeable stand for the client’s Greatness.
> What I see is you’d need to be in [large city 6 hours away] one Sunday a month to ‘get coached’ live… and meet with the Coach. If you could make that work for yourself – I think this would be an incredible thing… oh yes, and we could see one another once a month! Whaaa??? So you’d have to make it work with your kiddos – it’s always the second Sunday of the month (I can send you dates)… you could certainly drive in and out in one day, too.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> Let me know if this is something you might be interested in… it’s POWERFUL and a true gift. I am also happy to answer any questions you might have.
> 
> Xoxo


... what is the catch? Of do they need clients for reviews and referrals, etc?


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> This.. or to put it better, if my ex had* non-planned *it. It would have been a giant credit card spree maxing out everything we could until we could spend no more, and then probably have had her looking around for quick payday loans on next weeks paycheck..
> 
> I'm not joking. She got that bad toward the end and would pout when I didn't say yes to doing a trip like and spending impulsively on whatever she wanted.
> 
> I guess that's when I solidified my "boring" aspect.


Man, if I had planned my exit, I would have started making double payments on the vacation share in advance w/o telling my XH...

And paid of my fvkcing student loans with marital funds. Because we spent $$$ that was supposed to be for my loans on the wedding.

I wish I had thought of that. Hindsight is 20/20.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> ... what is the catch? Of do they need clients for reviews and referrals, etc?


I don't really know if there is a 'catch' per se. This stuff very typically costs $300-$600/hr and I would be getting the feedback for free, albeit from coaches who have not gone fully through the 'program' yet. 

For me, the catch is having to go a 10 hour round trip drive away once a month. But I have worked with her in the past-- as part of one of her projects when she was moving up this ladder-- and found it extremely powerful. Really. People talk about IC all the time on here, and in a way it is like that, but more action-oriented and more intense. And more life-changing for sure. 

Basically she knows me so I am fortunate to have the chance to interview for this. They may choose not to have me.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I don't really know if there is a 'catch' per se. This stuff very typically costs $300-$600/hr and I would be getting the feedback for free, albeit from coaches who have not gone fully through the 'program' yet.
> 
> For me, the catch is having to go a 10 hour round trip drive away once a month. But I have worked with her in the past-- as part of one of her projects when she was moving up this ladder-- and found it extremely powerful. Really. People talk about IC all the time on here, and in a way it is like that, but more action-oriented and more intense. And more life-changing for sure.
> 
> Basically she knows me so I am fortunate to have the chance to interview for this. They may choose not to have me.


Ah... it sounds like these coaches need to get some real-time hours in with clients to get their certification.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Ah... it sounds like these coaches need to get some real-time hours in with clients to get their certification.


Yes, that is the gist of it. Here were some of her responses about it when I asked where she was at in this....

_"I am a Leader in the program - being trained at a high gradient to lead this program here in Chicago – eventually. If I choose that 

So, no… I would not be one of your coaches. You’d have a few of the coaches going through the program coaching you – as a ‘guest client’ of theirs. SO you’d meet and connect with a variety of different people who are being trained. I’ll be there every Sunday you’re there though… not to worry!  and wouldn’t miss it."

"I’m a leader in training technically – got to go through an application process, pass a few calls (recorded) and then have a certain number of clients I’m working with… then I am Leader In Training (for the program). 

It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done – besides parenting, that is… "

_


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony... has a bf
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony... has a bf
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Oh, no! What the heck? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony... has a bf
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is you, right?


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> It is you, right?



Oh-haha...I hadn't considered that option. I hope that's the case!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im so sorry. I knew she was a game player but that is horrible.


----------



## Lifescript

Damm RD ... sorry bro.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry RD. Next!!!


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



 I'm so sorry RD!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What the fvck?!? Yes, DROP THE B1TCH.

Seriously, wtf was she doing, then?


----------



## bravenewworld

RandomDude said:


> No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry to hear RD....

The second I read this, "Another One Bites the Dust" started playing in my mind. When did I become so cynical?? #singlelife


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## SecondTime'Round

Wow, RD, did not see that coming! I'll assume it was an on and off thing she was not detached from yet, and you were Plan B?

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## bravenewworld

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Hmmm, I'm wondering if the 'ugly chick' Yum Yum was making moves with on the dance floor was not in actuality a man, complete with man boobs? Just saying... Also not to say I once ended up accidentally in a transgender bar in my younger years and once I got my wits about me picked up LOADS of beauty tips from the men there. I was aghast that a man could render himself (actually a lot of men) into such a beauty. But I suppose, mileage varies.


Hah! I feel like a transgendered person would have much better grooming. I'm honestly not making fun of her looks at all when I say it looks like she slept under a bridge - it was more her grooming habits. Greasy hair that hasn't been cut in months, stained hoochie clothing, smeared chalky makeup that looked like it was from the night (or even week) before. 

That said, was checking myself out in the mirror - unpolished nails, fading hair color, and vampire-pale skin. I think I need a makeover too! Been throwing all my free time into work, definitely need to make some "me" time for pampering. 

However, let the record show I at least look like I shower and wash my clothes regularly!


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Hah! I feel like a transgendered person would have much better grooming. I'm honestly not making fun of her looks at all when I say it looks like she slept under a bridge - it was more her grooming habits. Greasy hair that hasn't been cut in months, stained hoochie clothing, smeared chalky makeup that looked like it was from the night (or even week) before.
> 
> That said, was checking myself out in the mirror - unpolished nails, fading hair color, and vampire-pale skin. I think I need a makeover too! Been throwing all my free time into work, definitely need to make some "me" time for pampering.
> 
> However, let the record show I at least look like I shower and wash my clothes regularly!



haha
I am too short to be a transgender~ Yes, get a makeover. Youll be surprised how wonderful you feel and spoil yourself too!!

Here is a photo of my new hair~ I love it!!


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## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> No its not me, I shouldnt have snooped but yeah, txts on her phone tell an incriminating story... not even going to bother confronting her, dumping her today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry RD.. What brought about the access to her phone and opportunity to snoop? Over for a date and went to the restroom?


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> Hah! I feel like a transgendered person would have much better grooming. I'm honestly not making fun of her looks at all when I say it looks like she slept under a bridge - it was more her grooming habits. Greasy hair that hasn't been cut in months, stained hoochie clothing, smeared chalky makeup that looked like it was from the night (or even week) before.
> 
> That said, was checking myself out in the mirror - unpolished nails, fading hair color, and vampire-pale skin. I think I need a makeover too! Been throwing all my free time into work, definitely need to make some "me" time for pampering.
> 
> However, let the record show I at least look like I shower and wash my clothes regularly!


I've been working so much lately, I feel the same way! And I tend to stress eat, so there is that. I've been sleep deprived, so I've had some bags under my eyes this week.

But things are about ready to slow down a *smidge* and I think I'll have time for some pampering this weekend. I have a Groupon for a massage that I might be able to use (if I can get an appointment, and my gym has a hot tub and a sauna that I haven't used yet. This is starting to feel like a plan...


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## MRR

SecondTime'Round said:


> Wow, RD, did not see that coming! I'll assume it was an on and off thing she was not detached from yet, and you were Plan B?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


That sounds about right. Is that about right RD? Or is it someone she has been seeing the whole time? ugh.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> The digital photo frame idea is amazing!
> 
> *I would love to know what you or anyone else would use as positive reminders and mantras-- should i start a thread of only those? *
> 
> I worked with a life coach right after my first chemo/radiation treatment a year and a half ago, and she told me that she had signs all over her house that she would put up for her and her kids. Her husband dealt with it, she joked. She was working on some sort of certification to get her to the next level; we went to college together so when she heard my story, we did a few phone sessions and she recorded them. she was awesome and positive messaging was a huge part of it.


Hey, @MRR--when are you going to start our thread?


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## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Hey, @MRR--when are you going to start our thread?


ok...it's started.


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## Lifescript

Where's the thread? I want to contribute my first pic quote


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## Lifescript

No reply from marketing girl ...


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## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> No reply from marketing girl ...


If you don't hear from her by the time you get back, send a follow-up from your work email, in case the original went to her spam box. 

If she doesn't respond to that email, drop it.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, you have very high standards. Did you ever ask her point blank if she was seeing someone else?
You are the one who waltzed into her life and asked for her number...
Of course she's not just going to dump a guy because someone else comes along.
She's going to wait and see. And, she didn't sleep with you. Because she has standards, and sticks to them, just like you.
You don't even know to what degree she's involved with this other guy. How long, the details, etc. 
You're looking at a few snippets of her life that doesn't have to do with you, that existed before you inserted yourself into her life, and you're coming to conclusions. 
So, you snooped on her phone. Why? Anything you wanted to know that you could learn from her phone, you should have asked.
She's lucky you are 'dumping' her, you don't even want to trust her, but you want her to have sex with you already?
That's a bit of twisted thinking.

So, I correspond with a few guys right now.
If I date one a few times, even if I don't have sex with him, am I supposed to just stop my relationships that are ongoing? If there were a discussion about it, I would just tell the guy, hey, I understand you want to move forward and have sex, but that's not going to happen until I'm ready to be exclusive, and I'm not feeling that yet, I need to know you better, and until I do I'm not going to just slam the door on the rest of my private life that involves other people I'm dating.


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## bravenewworld

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> RD, you have very high standards. Did you ever ask her point blank if she was seeing someone else?
> You are the one who waltzed into her life and asked for her number...
> Of course she's not just going to dump a guy because someone else comes along.
> She's going to wait and see. And, she didn't sleep with you. Because she has standards, and sticks to them, just like you.
> You don't even know to what degree she's involved with this other guy. How long, the details, etc.
> You're looking at a few snippets of her life that doesn't have to do with you, that existed before you inserted yourself into her life, and you're coming to conclusions.
> So, you snooped on her phone. Why? Anything you wanted to know that you could learn from her phone, you should have asked.
> She's lucky you are 'dumping' her, you don't even want to trust her, but you want her to have sex with you already?
> That's a bit of twisted thinking.
> 
> So, I correspond with a few guys right now.
> If I date one a few times, even if I don't have sex with him, am I supposed to just stop my relationships that are ongoing? If there were a discussion about it, I would just tell the guy, hey, I understand you want to move forward and have sex, but that's not going to happen until I'm ready to be exclusive, and I'm not feeling that yet, I need to know you better, and until I do I'm not going to just slam the door on the rest of my private life that involves other people I'm dating.


Homemaker has several good points.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It seems my date is going to be a bowling date. 

So that will be interesting because:
He will find out that I have big feet.
If I bring a change of socks for the bowling shoes, I can shoe off my feet. Even though they're big, I give myself a regular pedicure.
I have new stretch jeans with a pencil leg. When I bought them the shop owner had me model for some people in the shop. I got confirmation from total strangers that they looked great. ;-)
I got a new tee-shirt in Montreal, the fit is French-style.
I will have time to process the conversation in between talking, while my derriere is being watched.
I can use my very cool retro-50's bowling name, which is Frankie. (Not my real name, which is a nice feminine French name.)
Hopefully I'll be with someone who is thinking along the same lines, only from the male perspective. 

No idea if it's candlepin, which is common here, or tenpin, which is common elsewhere and we also have here.
I do have a bocce set...just because. 

Of course, it is NOT about the bowling. But it's a good start. 
Anyhow this is all this forum will hear about, except for a thumbs up went well or a thumbs down went well but no follow-on.
I'm done with bad dates.


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## Lifescript

Good luck on the date HMU. 

We'll have to wait till RD posts more about what happened. Maybe Ms. PONY said she wasn't dating anyone else?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's not his style to talk or have discussions about sex...so how could he ask her if she was involved with anyone else seriously?
His rules don't allow him to do that. Either she jumps him and he has to guess/obsess if that means he's the only one, or she doesn't and he assumes she's jumping someone else. :-| No wonder he's all worked up.

I'm going bowling.


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## RandomDude

Seeing miss pony tonight n going to ask her about other guys shes seeing n status of her exs. She has 1 chance to come clean or we r done. I will not be letting her know I snooped. If she doesnt come clean im just going to tell her im too busy n thats that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Anyway I'm too busy to be worked up, I took a step back to re-evaluate before I made my decision, which is rather annoying as it intrudes into my thought processes while at work, but now quite frankly I really don't care. I do hope it's just a misunderstanding and when I ask her about other guys she's seeing she'll tell me about this guy but if she doesn't then whatever, bye bye. I don't have the time or interest to invest when it comes to dramas like this, I have too much money in the middle right now to even risk being emotionally compromised in my life at the moment.


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## RandomDude

So... dinner tonight... I casually asked her about other guys, she told of my "competition" - whom have all been apparently shot down now, pouring honey in my ears at the same time which I admit, was rather flattering (though probably all bullsh-t). When I asked her why she didn't tell me these stories before she reminded me that I did go all "I don't like talking about exs" to her... and yeah. She told me of a recent guy she dated before me and that he was all about sex. She even showed me their conversations and when I asked if I could read further she let me have her phone. We were laughing about him while I was searching her phone, and I also found the text and the date - and yeah... my boo boo =/

Guess she's not the evil b-tch I thought she was - I admit I did not read carefully in regards to the texts as I had no time. She's been pretty upfront with me. Anyway our discussion too was very brief and she has no clue about my little snoop, was smooth. We talked about the day in the end the conversation changed to where we stand with each other, she says she likes how things are going. So... guess I'll still be seeing miss pony. 

Seriously though she's too friendly with other guys, I read her texts and I've seen her with other guys, gives the wrong impression, I told her that and she agrees. Also if she's not being sincere she should stop pouring honey in my ears, I don't process flattery or compliments like normal people, I always start questioning what are they after.


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## vi_bride04

I still can't believe you snooped through her phone, you guys aren't even technically "dating" are you??

That's some major insecurity right there if you ask me. 

What if she did the same to you? 

She's not your wife who may be having an affair, she is someone that you don't even know if you want to pursue or not. Snooping on phones is uncalled for at this point.

And look, all of your assumptions about these "other guys" was way off base. You stressed yourself out for nothing by assuming all the things you did prior to just asking her.

Be direct and ask questions. And then if you were going to end it just say "I'm too busy" - wtf kinda cop out is that. Be upfront and tell her why you don't want to see her anymore... It seems like she can handle mature conversations.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> right now to even risk being emotionally compromised in my life at the moment.


And, a woman you are attracted to, is probably thinking EXACTLY the same way.

Oh, by the way...next time don't be so amateurish about snooping in a phone.
That's what a weasel does.
If you really want to know, hire a PI, ask for a yes or no answer, and NO OTHER DETAILS about her life.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

vi_bride04 said:


> I still can't believe you snooped through her phone, you guys aren't even technically "dating" are you??
> 
> That's some major insecurity right there if you ask me.
> 
> What if she did the same to you?
> 
> She's not your wife who may be having an affair, she is someone that you don't even know if you want to pursue or not. Snooping on phones is uncalled for at this point.
> 
> And look, all of your assumptions about these "other guys" was way off base. You stressed yourself out for nothing by assuming all the things you did prior to just asking her.
> 
> Be direct and ask questions. And then if you were going to end it just say "I'm too busy" - wtf kinda cop out is that. Be upfront and tell her why you don't want to see her anymore... It seems like she can handle mature conversations.


Gotta agree with the ladies on this one RD..


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## Lifescript

True. 

That wasn't ok RD. 

I can understand if you were in a LTR with her and suspected she was cheating. Even then it's not ok but understandable. Many of us found out about our exes infidelity because we snooped. They won't tell us and come clean. 

From afar it doesn't look like a good match. Friendly/flirty girls with opposite sex are no good for guys like you. You will be thinking the worst all the time.

Work on your insecurity issues. We all have them after being cheated on.


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> I still can't believe you snooped through her phone, you guys aren't even technically "dating" are you??
> 
> That's some major insecurity right there if you ask me.
> 
> What if she did the same to you?
> 
> She's not your wife who may be having an affair, she is someone that you don't even know if you want to pursue or not. Snooping on phones is uncalled for at this point.
> 
> And look, all of your assumptions about these "other guys" was way off base. You stressed yourself out for nothing by assuming all the things you did prior to just asking her.
> 
> Be direct and ask questions. And then if you were going to end it just say "I'm too busy" - wtf kinda cop out is that. Be upfront and tell her why you don't want to see her anymore... It seems like she can handle mature conversations.


Well, they have gone out on several dates at this point, and there have been make-out sessions, so I think it's safe to say that they are dating, although it is also safe to say that they are not dating _exclusively_ because they clearly haven't had the exclusive talk yet.

I think the rest of your comment is well-put.


----------



## RandomDude

One thing about me is that I don't like having these planned "talks", I believe these "talks" should happen naturally and spontaneously over the course of time, along with signals based on the level of affection and physical intimacy. As such, so far I have been led to believe we are exclusive, last night our exclusivity has been secured. This can be a problem yes, with ex-wife I also didn't have many of these talks in regards to boundaries, hence problems escalated. Still, as much as I hate to admit it, I am a romantic at heart.

I agree I shouldn't have snooped, quite frankly I've been trying to find dirt on her, everything about her is just too good to be true at this point. I'm used to being dogged and backstabbed throughout my life and having disasters happening right around the corner since I was a child even with family especially after I was abandoned at 12 with six years of my life spent on the streets doing crime to pay my own expenses so I won't be a "freeloader" and only crime pays adult-earnings when you are a minor. Trust is not something I can will to happen, it's something that is earned, friends, family, loved ones - anyone can shake your hand with one hand and have a dagger on the other.

Either than her over-friendlyness and "giggitiness" she's absolutely perfect at this point. I find myself investing emotionally despite my attempts to slow down and resist it, and without much dirt on her I find myself losing control over my own emotional state - something that is very risky. My life is too good right now, like the calm before a storm. Part of my success in life is due to preparation and anticipation, I remain two or three steps at work and ahead of my competitors as well because of that, the storms that hit them, I weather them easily because I'm prepared for them. Five Ps: Preparation prevents piss poor performance. I was the same in crime. Miss pony is undermining my walls, I see clear skies with her which is very rare and hence suspicious, hence trying to find dirt on her. Regardless if anything I've come to trust her more as she has earned it last night due to her transparency and proven honesty


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Well, this afternoon I meant to text a girlfriend about my date tonight (first date, from OKC) and accidentally sent the text to my date from last week who was texting me at the same time. Super awesome. I was so embarrassed, AND felt bad even though we had both pretty much decided we weren't going to be getting into a relationship with each other. 

It's cold and windy tonight and I don't feel like going out. Dating is time consuming and requires much effort. Is the fact that I don't get excited an indication I'm not ready or that I'm just lazy?


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> One thing about me is that I don't like having these planned "talks", I believe these "talks" should happen naturally and spontaneously over the course of time, along with signals based on the level of affection and physical intimacy. As such, so far I have been led to believe we are exclusive,



Covert contract? Then setting up a trust trap? 

Don't pull old patterns into your new relationship. It's healthy to have talks, to agree verbally you are exclusive. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, just cause we go through rough times doesn't mean we can distrust people who aren't so street smart as us.
Just because you have street smarts, doesn't mean that they apply to, um, the bedroom.
These are two different places.

And, if you want to be with a woman, you need to communicate with a woman.
The way to make a woman secure is to lead a little bit by words, then use words, and then following up the words with your actions.
Followed by token gestures that take on meaning, and then repeat the cycle, over and over and over again.

If you don't want to be doing this, then you better get used to your own company, forever and ever and ever.

You have porcupine syndrome.
And honestly, a psychologically solid guy like you...can't deal with picking yourself up and dusting yourself off after a romance gone bad...
Look over the posts here and see how many times I have had to hurl myself over the fence at the end of a dead end alley, being chased by an alley cat. It hasn't done any damage to me...except increased my sense of humor. A person's heart is more resilient than that. 

Don't be always throwing the baby out with the bathwater, get in the bath and when you see a poopie floating around, then exit and flush. Poop washes off pretty easily...don't go pretending it's going to damage you for life, it's not.

You might also have a touch of commitment phobia...your brain is so creative that it likes to create all these great relationships and ideal situations, so much so that when the real thing comes along, you recoil.

Anyhow, since you won't go to therapy...you can have the leftovers from mine.

You're still young, so chances are you might have to deal with this for another 15 years before it calms down.

About crappy childhoods, nobody really cares. What they care about is what your attitude is now. 
If it hardened you somehow, then undo that. It's your past, you can reframe it any way you like to change your thinking about yourself.

Yes, you are going to have a difficult time finding a good match for yourself. But you should erase from your mind that it's not possible, or highly unlikely. People attract to themselves what they need.


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## RandomDude

Why not? I see the same betrayals from the streets happening in ronantic life n legit life. I made a commitment to myself at 12 never to be made a fool of again by trusting foolishly. 

My wariness has kept me from the worst of women thus far
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Btw im not all 'trust no one' besides its not even who I trust its about wat I trust thrm to do. Ex wife earned my confidence to this day. But she is rare n just bc she exists doesn't mean other women r like her. Perhaps 1 in a thousand. With such low odds I dont expect easy success nor do I brlieve it to br impossible. Im just being cautious as one should be
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Absurdist

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, this afternoon I meant to text a girlfriend about my date tonight (first date, from OKC) and accidentally sent the text to my date from last week who was texting me at the same time. Super awesome. I was so embarrassed, AND felt bad even though we had both pretty much decided we weren't going to be getting into a relationship with each other.
> 
> It's cold and windy tonight and I don't feel like going out. Dating is time consuming and requires much effort. Is the fact that I don't get excited an indication I'm not ready or that I'm just lazy?


:surprise:

Almost as bad as me on the elevator the other day. Asked a young lady when her baby was due only to hear her say "I'm not pregnant".

If Jack Kevorkian was still around I'd schedule an appointment.


----------



## RandomDude

Absurdist said:


> :surprise:
> 
> Almost as bad as me on the elevator the other day. Asked a young lady when her baby was due only to hear her say "I'm not pregnant".
> 
> If Jack Kevorkian was still around I'd schedule an appointment.


Ahahaha I'm going to try that and see what happens :grin2:


----------



## hope4family

I had date number 3 last night. Basically said were going out. Had no idea what were doing next thing I know I am taking her to the beach, took her out to breakfast for dinner. She said she enjoyed it. She was practicing yoga by the ocean. Hot damn....

I had my second interview for a job internally at the company I work for. I want it, but I am nervous. I have so much going on. I am just opening myself to destiny....whatever that destiny is, it's just time to embrace it.


----------



## RandomDude

FKING TRAFFIC TODAY!!!!!! W... T... F... ?! All highways, all roads, no matter which road I took it was congested >.<
Took me 45 minutes when it should have took me 15! ARGH! Start stop start stop start stop... bah!

And W... T... F... is with the people of that suburb? Almost everyone had this snobbish vibe, even at the shops it was tough to even trying to get any decent customer service, rich area perhaps but damn their arrogance was such an intense stench. Bleh, good thing I'm out of there, did my job, bye bye. Only been in that area twice.

/end vent


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Absurdist said:


> :surprise:
> 
> Almost as bad as me on the elevator the other day. Asked a young lady when her baby was due only to hear her say "I'm not pregnant".
> 
> If Jack Kevorkian was still around I'd schedule an appointment.


Noooooooooo!!! That is cringeworthy!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I've received a text meant for someone else. After the guy texted me good night. That was bacon man. Early on in dating. 
I stowed that away for future reference, but in the grown up world we know that if someone is dating and not committed, they are most likely communicating with others besides you. I'm not much of a texter, I think it's not a good idea to try to carry on two conversations at once. That's just me. But it avoids the scenario you described, and making a mistake in communication/delivery.

I once asked someone when their baby was due. Her youngest was about 2 or 3 I think. It turns out she wasn't pregnant. She was a little embarrassed, as was I, and she went on a diet after. I just said, wow, sorry, you're so active and your arms are buff and you have that glow, I didn't realize your boys have kept you so busy. (Meaning no time for workouts.) It was the mum of a classmate of my daughter or son, can't remember which.

RD, it's okay to be made a fool of every once in a while. You are so rigid in your thinking. What happened to the mental flexibility and instinct of your youth? You are going to turn into the kind of 1%-er who loved me but who I could not date, because his thinking was too rigid. He knew the answers to everything, could solve all problems with his beliefs and his money. I thought to myself, well, he doesn't need me at all, I will be a toy on the shelf, and used to support his belief system. No thank you. I prefer to be myself, and to have someone who is willing to change and grow in a fun relationship that doesn't have so many bars already set up that I'm expected to jump over on a regular basis. In effect, you are making yourself repulsive. I don't like it, which is why I'm on your case.


----------



## RandomDude

Not that rigid that I can't forgive my own boo boos, but big boo boos that embarrass the hell outta myself - FK that! Such as falling for a user or cheater. Never happened and not going to happen.

My standards are not that rigid either, I have my dealbreakers but I consider them reasonable. I am however, unforgiving with the big dealbreakers; ones that deal with trust. Once it's gone it's gone, nothing I can do about it, it's not my responsibility to trust people, it's theirs to earn it.


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## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Not that rigid that I can't forgive my own boo boos, but big boo boos that embarrass the hell outta myself - FK that! Such as falling for a user or cheater. Never happened and not going to happen.


You can't tell what a person is going to do in the future. You watch to see if actions and words align, that's a strong indicator. 

But sh1t testing someone in the first few weeks of a relationship? Either she has sent out some serious red flags, or you need to look in the mirror. That kind of insecurity is not good for your health, and it's going to turn some good women off.


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## RandomDude

I know how to get away with it 

Besides if anything turns her off she can go find someone else, I'm not needy, and quite frankly do not really care.


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> I know how to get away with it
> 
> Besides if anything turns her off she can go find someone else, I'm not needy, and quite frankly do not really care.



You're your own worst enemy. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bravenewworld

The pampering has began! Got a gel manicure yesterday and ordered some natural looking self-tanner. Also made an appointment to get my hair done in a few weeks. Love your hair ne! Looking to go lighter myself. 

Was told I have to come into the office to work on a rush project all weekend. 12 hour days trapped with Yum Yum Dum Dum. Bleh.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Not that rigid that I can't forgive my own boo boos, but big boo boos that embarrass the hell outta myself - FK that! Such as falling for a user or cheater. Never happened and not going to happen.
> 
> My standards are not that rigid either, I have my dealbreakers but I consider them reasonable. I am however, unforgiving with the big dealbreakers; ones that deal with trust. Once it's gone it's gone, nothing I can do about it, it's not my responsibility to trust people, it's theirs to earn it.


Oh come on, it's fun to do the bacon thing, and I also had a fun/funny time with the guy who had the delusional flea problem and wasn't equipped at all for our overnight backpacking trip (still had a price tag on his backpack, left his boots out in the rain overnight! Was in charge of the trip, and couldn't find the trailhead - I had looked in advance ;-) 

The thing is, people aren't going to show their true colors until they feel comfortable that they have you fooled. You have to not be trying to out them from the start (unless it's that obvious), manipulators are just as clever as the people that they fool, maybe even more so. In 3 instances, I had to find out after I was already committed. Obviously, not to the point of no return.

There are no guarantees, only the certainty that if you don't move forward, you're standing still. Standing still is okay for a while, but it's not a long term solution.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Thank goodness my date tomorrow is vouched for. I can just relax and enjoy myself.

By the way, I am going to be owning a house.
Fannie Mae is done d*cking around on numbers.
Now the fun begins. Inspector, septic, plumbing, heat, electric, windows, roof...
Let the games begin.
Have to start with a stack of paperwork. Bleh.


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## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Thank goodness my date tomorrow is vouched for. I can just relax and enjoy myself.
> 
> By the way, I am going to be owning a house.
> Fannie Mae is done d*cking around on numbers.
> Now the fun begins. Inspector, septic, plumbing, heat, electric, windows, roof...
> Let the games begin.
> Have to start with a stack of paperwork. Bleh.


Congrats on the house. That's awesome!


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## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The thing is, people aren't going to show their true colors until they feel comfortable that they have you fooled. You have to not be trying to out them from the start (unless it's that obvious), manipulators are just as clever as the people that they fool, maybe even more so. In 3 instances, I had to find out after I was already committed. Obviously, not to the point of no return.


And that is why in public I have my guard down yet in private I am alert. The best moments in chess is to let your opponent believe he/she has the upper hand only to checkmate him/her next turn.

There's nothing that can be done at this point with my "trust issues", not only have I learnt at a very early age the very simple facts that morality is relative, and anything can be justified + the realistic principles of action and consequence over idealistic principles good and evil etc etc...

But my mindset has also helped me pull myself out of a life of crime to succeed in a rat-race city with loads of competition and where anytime anybody can get the upper hand - they will, even at others expense - because: they CAN. Yet I have been successful enough to provide for my ex-wife and I still provide for my daughter as well as hundreds of others who have been granted jobs to feed their own families thanks to my entrepreneurship.

I didn't come this far from the hell of my youth, to succeed and yet to question whether or not my own mindset and beliefs are healthy.


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## RandomDude

Looking back at the "**** test" with miss pony, yes I was wrong to snoop but the thing is, regardless of that, it put me in a position where I had to make a choice which risk is less severe: To risk losing a good woman or risk being emotionally compromised. I took the former hence I gave her but one opportunity to be transparent or its done. If she wasn't transparent with me that night chances are I would have lost a good opportunity but I would also ensure that I would not be emotionally compromised.

I'm not in a good position now to be emotionally compromised, I'm biting more than I can chew at work but that is my responsibility and the success of my business which many others depend on takes priority over some lady I met only a month ago.

The reason I snooped is this: I had a bad feeling about her since we met, I wasn't even going to call her but I was curious if she gave me her right number. Now I found out why I had a bad feeling about her all along. Even though it's not as bad as I predicted, I'm not one to ignore my intuition.


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## RandomDude

Regardless of all this, miss pony has only proven herself better than expected, so as crap as the tests were, it helped me trust her more in the end, isn't that a good thing?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, you are succeeding in the city. Just as morality is relative, so is success.
People do not belong in cities such as the one you are living in, around the types of people you describe, causing the kinds of thoughts that you have.
Real life happens in communities. 
Keeping people alive is a great achievement, it gives them hope to have a life if they can escape the rat race.
You should cash out and move somewhere you don't have to be keeping your guard up all the time.
Here if you can get a reputation for honesty, you will keep it. If you mess up, there can be chances, but if it's your m.o. to be dishonest, you have to move to the city - social banishment is harsh in a small town, saved only for the truly dishonest and disruptive.

In a place like the one I live in, you wouldn't have to even guess about a woman's reputation. You would just know.
I don't understand the life people live in some places.

The guys I dated from cities, are not really socialized properly. Mr. Bacon went to the local grocery with me, he got upset because he had to wait in line while the two ladies in front of us chatted before moving on, and also made small talk with the cashier, whom they knew. I probably lost a lot of points locally being seen with him in the grocery store, and also out walking. But no matter, I'm sure word has got around town that the police told him he's not welcome here, anywhere in our zip code. Reputation points regained, and then some. ;-) 

I've seen cities that are nice, such as Reykjavik, where it's a big deal even if someone gets stabbed. But for the most part, city life is unfit for humans as they were meant to live. Don't you ever think about bringing up your daughter somewhere else?

As for all of the above, your logic is flawed. You're using words and relativity to re-define the fact that you snooped. You are like a kid caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Saying, well, it's not as bad as if I were doing drugs. 

Your brain needs a break from you, it's working overtime. Your entire logic is based on your singular experience of the world. Which is one of your own making, since you are choosing to participate in it.


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## RandomDude

I never disagreed that my snooping was bad, only offered my explanation of why I did it. Could there have been a better way? Yes for sure. I saw an opportunity and failed to resist the temptation to exploit it. Also, I wasn't caught, only came forward with it here on the forum thanks to anonymity. 

Have I ever thought of moving? Hell yeah! But this my daughter's home, it's where her friends are, it's where her mum wants to stay. I can't rob her of that. So leaving the city is not an option, it's too late for that. Not all city folk are all bad either, there are diamonds in the rough, ex-GF and ex-wife included. Speaking of those women, I've met only the best that the city has to offer, I've protected myself from the worst, why should I stop protecting myself now when my methods have proven reliable in filtering out the bad eggs that aren't worth one cent of my time?


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## RandomDude

As for country town reputation - that is a flaw just like the flaws of living in a big city; pros and cons - always. Your Mr. Bacon could be misunderstood, and the whole town would think of him as an *******, politics to the max. As for what he did, he was understandably upset, where's the consideration? He could be in a rush, the ladies in front of him holding up the line, when IMO they should be considerate enough to know they are taking up people's time. It's courtesy. I respect other people's time and I'm a city boy - the apparent dung of humanity based on what you described.

Does he deserve to be deemed unwelcome in the whole town because of that? No way in my opinion.

And you know what else about the big city? My focus in my business for myself is business development, which means managing my relations with clients, you think I've gotten this far being an ass? I get results and maximise my shareholder's ROI - I have my own reputation which has taken years to earn, and if I fk up I will only have myself to blame no matter the pressure or whatever I put myself under. What I do have control over - is how much pressure I succumb myself to.

Allowing myself to be stupified by a user or player or cheater will affect me both mentally and emotionally, hampering my performance and right now this year I need to be at my best. Commiting financial suicide and jeopardising my daughter's financial future as well as the livelihoods of my employees is not a consequence I am willing to accept. Having miss pony run off because she failed one of my crappy sh-t tests is a better alternative that I can process. Damage mitigation.


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## RandomDude

Anyway I don't get all this ganging up on RD crap recently, yes I shouldn't have snooped, I put myself in a bad situation but made it good in the end, what else can I do? Wallow in my guilt "OMG I can't believe I snooped" and let it eat me up inside? Guilt processed, situation repaired, moved on, life continues.


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## vi_bride04

RD, it seems you put so much value on $$ and success in financial ventures. Why is that? 

I'm just curious as sometimes I feel reading your posts you don't have alot of empathy and focus on material things and someone "taking advantage of you" vs trying to appreciate the people around you in your life.

I get wanting to protect your success but why at the cost of human connection?


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## GuyInColorado

Met the G/F's mom last night! (Been dating her for almost 4 weeks now). Had a blast... gambled until 3am in the morning at a casino..laughing, drinking, and winning! 

Had to ask her if I was her daughter's favorite boyfriend in the 10 minutes she's known me and got a HELL YES. 

Picking the girl up in 3hrs for a poker game and some bowling with friends.

Oh, soon to be ex called last night making sure I still wanted a divorce and that she is praying for me and us...needs another $3K for attorney. WTF... move on, find someone else please!!


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## RandomDude

Miss pony has come into my life at a very difficult time when my focus needs to be on my work. I have alot of the money in the middle right now and it's going to be this way for next 6 months at least thanks to expansion projects; in accounting terms my accounts receivable and accounts payable is off the roof. I'm making promises, promises that also depend on other people; contractors and builders to finish their jobs so I can provide the services I already sold to my clients. It is stressful, and I have my limits on what I can handle not to mention I am still cursed with staff who make it impossible for me to delegate responsibility as no matter how proficient they are in their roles they refuse the responsibility.

I'm still dating miss pony, but my tolerance level for any dealbreakers is very low at this point due to the fact that I will not be able to handle it effectively with all my other headaches looming over my head.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sigh. I'm so glad I have the simple life I have. So may other paths I could have chosen.

Just please don't snoop any more RD. It's just not justified, and no need to explain except to assess yourself if you want to be able to prevent doing it in the future. Live and learn, right?

You should ask your girlfriend what she needs in a relationship at this time.
You may be overestimating what's required of you and jumping the gun, creating situations in your mind where none exist. Your ex put a lot of demands on you in terms of time and energy. But not every woman is going to do that. You can always use your words to create reasonable expectations.

I get EXACTLY the same way in relationships, in my head I imagine being stifled by time demands and having barriers put up having to choose between relationship and my goals. In some cases, and in my past, there really was a problem, such as with Bacon guy. But for most normal people, they also have time and privacy needs which they can also communicate. 

I have a rule though, I do manage my time wisely and have reasonable expectations in my mind about how much of my time I need for work, kids, my friends, personal R&R and care, and how much time is available for a relationship. If the relationship infringes on the rest and the person doesn't respond to conversational boundary setting, or is not able to tolerate short term incommunicado due to work/studies, etc. then they're not good relationship material for me. Different people have different needs...some people like to be together every waking minute outside of a normal work schedule. When you run your own business, your need for personal space can be very high. I know, sometimes I'm just sitting around knitting or cooking, but I'm thinking about stuff, and I don't want to be interrupted. My work thinking happens at times other than just sitting at the computer, so it's dicey when it comes to boundaries. I have high space needs for sure. But it doesn't affect the level of commitment or trust I also require. 

Bacon guy behaved badly, he complained in line. If he were truly in a hurry, he could have politely said he was in a rush and could he check out while they chatted. But, he didn't. He acted as though these people were in his way, when they were just doing what normal people here do. It's him who needs to adjust. 

In any case, that was only a minor transgression compared to the crime he committed that the police here politely said they wouldn't arrest him for, so long as he doesn't cross the town line except on the major highway on his way through. Here was a man who clearly didn't give me the space he was required to, even though there was a law that required it. Fail. 

One thing I've learned, and always advise others, is to slow way down the amount and frequency of communications, while increasing the emotional value and clarity. And to give as much space as you think you might need. If the person doesn't get it, they will go looking elsewhere. If they have the same space requirements as you, they'll get it, and things can progress in some orderly and comfortable/rewarding fashion.


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## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony has come into my life at a very difficult time when my focus needs to be on my work. I have alot of the money in the middle right now and it's going to be this way for next 6 months at least thanks to expansion projects; in accounting terms my accounts receivable and accounts payable is off the roof. I'm making promises, promises that also depend on other people; contractors and builders to finish their jobs so I can provide the services I already sold to my clients. It is stressful, and I have my limits on what I can handle not to mention I am still cursed with staff who make it impossible for me to delegate responsibility as no matter how proficient they are in their roles they refuse the responsibility.
> 
> I'm still dating miss pony, but my tolerance level for any dealbreakers is very low at this point due to the fact that I will not be able to handle it effectively with all my other headaches looming over my head.


Totally off topic, but I missed the post where you explained why you call her miss pony. Can you fill me in?


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## TheGoodGuy

Her ponytail.


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## RandomDude

She has it braided now... bah!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> She has it braided now... bah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Now?" Does she keep the same hairstyle for days??


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## RandomDude

Pretty much, at least whenever I see her. I prefer her in a pony tail, she looks her best in it imo

Instant boner when she whips me with it hehe 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Sigh. I'm so glad I have the simple life I have. So may other paths I could have chosen.
> 
> Just please don't snoop any more RD. It's just not justified, and no need to explain except to assess yourself if you want to be able to prevent doing it in the future. Live and learn, right?


Yeah well, I don't really have a reason to anymore lol 
She's very transparent



> You should ask your girlfriend what she needs in a relationship at this time.
> You may be overestimating what's required of you and jumping the gun, creating situations in your mind where none exist. Your ex put a lot of demands on you in terms of time and energy. But not every woman is going to do that. You can always use your words to create reasonable expectations.
> 
> I get EXACTLY the same way in relationships, in my head I imagine being stifled by time demands and having barriers put up having to choose between relationship and my goals. In some cases, and in my past, there really was a problem, such as with Bacon guy. But for most normal people, they also have time and privacy needs which they can also communicate.
> 
> I have a rule though, I do manage my time wisely and have reasonable expectations in my mind about how much of my time I need for work, kids, my friends, personal R&R and care, and how much time is available for a relationship. If the relationship infringes on the rest and the person doesn't respond to conversational boundary setting, or is not able to tolerate short term incommunicado due to work/studies, etc. then they're not good relationship material for me. Different people have different needs...some people like to be together every waking minute outside of a normal work schedule. When you run your own business, your need for personal space can be very high. I know, sometimes I'm just sitting around knitting or cooking, but I'm thinking about stuff, and I don't want to be interrupted. My work thinking happens at times other than just sitting at the computer, so it's dicey when it comes to boundaries. I have high space needs for sure. But it doesn't affect the level of commitment or trust I also require.


True, so far though we fit into each other's lives perfectly, no real demands and she respects my space/vice versa (either than my shameful snoop that night )



> Bacon guy behaved badly, he complained in line. If he were truly in a hurry, he could have politely said he was in a rush and could he check out while they chatted. But, he didn't. He acted as though these people were in his way, when they were just doing what normal people here do. It's him who needs to adjust.
> 
> In any case, that was only a minor transgression compared to the crime he committed that the police here politely said they wouldn't arrest him for, so long as he doesn't cross the town line except on the major highway on his way through. Here was a man who clearly didn't give me the space he was required to, even though there was a law that required it. Fail.


Well, then that's fair enough, someone chatting in front of line isn't a cause to make a scene over it.



> One thing I've learned, and always advise others, is to slow way down the amount and frequency of communications, while increasing the emotional value and clarity. And to give as much space as you think you might need. If the person doesn't get it, they will go looking elsewhere. If they have the same space requirements as you, they'll get it, and things can progress in some orderly and comfortable/rewarding fashion.


One thing I was worried about with miss pony too is that my weekends remain dedicated to my daughter, instead of being annoyed about it she remains interested and loves hearing stories of the time we spend together. She's ticking alot of boxes so far, except for sex >.<

So horny now


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, it is okay to be horny. You can tell her you feel that way, sometimes, in a nice cute way but don't focus too much on it.
Nothing makes a woman feel so nice as knowing that a guy has the hots for her but is focusing on building a relationship.
It always surprised me when a guy can control that, and says, well, it is a little bit of a problem but I can deal with it...
Then it sends the message that he cares a lot about you, and nobody else will really do for him. 
Yah, it is maybe a little bit like sh*t testing, but it does not cross that line. 

Do not tell her about the pony tail. I had one guy go on and on about red fingernail polish, and then discovered he had a thing about it because of an ex girlfriend...lol. Women early on tend to be suspicious about individual traits that turn a guy on. After a long long while then you could share something like that.

We have all done things we're not proud of. Impulse control under stress is a difficult thing to achieve, I have seen so many people crash and burn by not having good self control under stress. They do things that are nearly irreversible and cause a lot of problems. It's good you were able to discuss here and move away from it.

Argh. Monday morning. Let the games begin. My new old house is either going to fly this week or not. It's not just a home, it's an investment of time, that will pay off financially. The land alone is worth what I'm paying. People just do not want to touch a property that needs septic. But my kids' dad is a wastewater engineer, poop does not scare me. My other kids' dad helped to send payloads into orbit on Chinese rockets. Now that scares me, and has no practical use in my day to day life. Poop isn't rocket science after all...lol.

Neither are relationships.


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## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Do not tell her about the pony tail.


Ey? 'Tis too late, already told her I liked how she wears her hair. Braided isn't too bad, if she starts shaving her head though then I'll say something.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Ey? 'Tis too late, already told her I liked how she wears her hair. Braided isn't too bad, if she starts shaving her head though then I'll say something.


Aha, then expert her to use it as a weapon, but a fun weapon.
Probably explains the braid. Feel free to unbraid then. You could also gift her a cool thing like a pony tail holder 'tree', i.e. a tree branches in a vase with nice pony tail holders hanging from it. Woman love a guy who is silly sometimes and know how to make fun of their own weaknesses. It is like begging her to wear a pony tail, but in an overt and caricature way. 

The last guy I ever gave romance advice to, a very sweet French pilot I knew in Quebec and lived with for a couple months (not romantically) got married to a very hot Polish doctor. I think she had a pony tail too. lol.

Now you're making me wonder, I have my hair in a pony tail today and the men at the post office were very socially minded, more than usual. Gah.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

So, my bowling date. He was wearing white gloves because there is something not right with his hands, a kind of skin infection, maybe from painting materials (artist) or maybe from chemo drugs, I didn't quite catch the explanation. 

He fell down while bowling, did not quite understand the computerized system, and also walked me by the entrance of the restaurant (missed it and then got confused thinking it was way down the street, despite having lived in the area for 40 years.) 

I had a dream that he was trying to get married in order to avoid having his son put him in a residential supported care home, which may not be too far from the actual truth. I see some senility and frailty setting in, which might have been brought on by loss of wife, loss of twin brother, loss of son to adulthood/fiance and having to deal with cancer as well, also loss of dogs his wife had. In effect, person with many losses and health challenge, who never had to work and so had an adventurous life but never developed many close relationships except with wife/companion who was some years younger and in his mind was going to outlive him. Being a trust fund baby is not for the meek of heart it would seem. And I don't think he is as emotionally or mentally/socially/politically developed as one might think he would be. 

I hope the matchmaker can find him someone. His last wife was from Thailand, poor and a product of the Pearl Buck Society, also much younger than him. Maybe he should look for a mail order bride, seriously, or just hire a nurse and call it good. But at heart, he prefers to have a romance and some 'mystery'. He was not even interested in knowing what the professional matchmaker he hired does in the way of finding him matches. I told her, I hope you can find someone trustworthy, there are a lot of people who would take advantage of him.

:-( 

I hate to think of old naïve people floating around in the world of sharks this way. His community s*cks, he lived there with his wife for so many years and now he's alone and he has to pay big money to a matchmaker? WTF. Maybe he is not a nice person, but that wasn't my impression.

Meanwhile, I have more pots on the backburner. It seems the quality of my matches is going up, but statistically speaking, nothing is linear.


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## ne9907

---HMU You are a very compassionate person, awesome! I totally get that this man wasn't for you but instead of cutting him off you offered advice. 


I spent the weekend with my love bombing fool. I had so much fun! 
Did so many great things, Friday evening we went walking along the beach, then antique browsing where I found a small shop dedicated to Shakespeare!

We went to a small production of The Tempest, really cool and somewhat good! I loved it!!
On Saturday we did kayaking, hiking, and a wonderful dinner at a extremely nice place! I looked beautiful haha, got a bit drunk, was wonderful.
We came back and sat in the hottub for a while.
This guy is 48 years old but has the sex drive of a 20 something.... I honestly had never had so much sex before (in such a short span of time).

He is still kind of love bombing me. He has ADHD, is a horrible driver (he hit a car!), and just gives me too much too soon.... 
We talked a lot, I explained to him how he needs to slow down his affection and he does. He is definitely NOT long term but I am enjoying and having fun with him for the moment.
I spoke with my therapist today, I have a horrible habit of enjoying and seeking the upper hand in a relationship, once I get that, I get bored. Hence the love bombing guy is not as attractive as the ex (loser) who sometimes ignores me...

ah! I told the love bombing guy that he needs to slow down because his actions make me uncomfortable and because I have decided he is not long term material. He said ok, and we both agree we will just enjoy each others company. He did say I should not be afraid to be in a relationship with someone (even if not him) because I have many wonderful things to offer...
Did I mention the sex was great?? Morning, afternoon, evening, night, middle of the night..... sex was great...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm not so much compassionate as angry at eHarmony for taking a considerable amount of cash from this guy and giving him dates they haven't thoroughly vetted for honesty/integrity, i.e. from the regular eHarmony subscriber pool, and furthermore giving out information to those dates that could make him vulnerable. With just a tiny bit of information given to me, name and avocation and location I was able to quickly find out things that in the hands of a con artist make him a sitting duck. I also could have switched myself with someone else, who looked more or less the same as me. 

I didn't give him any advice, but I expressed my concerns to the naïve young inexperienced match maker who is in LA doing her dream job and entertaining whatever delusions she has about it. 

We now have laws, in my state, that prevent people from taking advantage (financially) of those who are incapable of understanding the terms of the contract or the services they're purchasing. I think this guy, morally speaking, falls into that category. But of course there is the money motive on the part of the matchmaker. So who can blame her to turning a blind eye to what would be obvious if she really wanted to look at it. 

I'm not compassionate, I'm vicious when it comes to ethics involving vulnerable populations. 
Even if they happen to be trust fund babies all their life, it's all the same to me.


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## RandomDude

Pony tails r sexy to me as it has the femininity of long hair but exposes the neck n shoulders 

Braided tailz r ok but loses abit of the free flowing goodness. Either way shes still hot as fk to me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueWoman

ne9907 said:


> ---HMU You are a very compassionate person, awesome! I totally get that this man wasn't for you but instead of cutting him off you offered advice.
> 
> 
> I spent the weekend with my love bombing fool. I had so much fun!
> Did so many great things, Friday evening we went walking along the beach, then antique browsing where I found a small shop dedicated to Shakespeare!
> 
> We went to a small production of The Tempest, really cool and somewhat good! I loved it!!
> On Saturday we did kayaking, hiking, and a wonderful dinner at a extremely nice place! I looked beautiful haha, got a bit drunk, was wonderful.
> We came back and sat in the hottub for a while.
> This guy is 48 years old but has the sex drive of a 20 something.... I honestly had never had so much sex before (in such a short span of time).
> 
> He is still kind of love bombing me. He has ADHD, is a horrible driver (he hit a car!), and just gives me too much too soon....
> We talked a lot, I explained to him how he needs to slow down his affection and he does. He is definitely NOT long term but I am enjoying and having fun with him for the moment.
> I spoke with my therapist today, I have a horrible habit of enjoying and seeking the upper hand in a relationship, once I get that, I get bored. Hence the love bombing guy is not as attractive as the ex (loser) who sometimes ignores me...


I do the same thing. But I'm starting to think there is some value to it. Someone who is way into me in a very short time doesn't really know me at all. It means he's created a ideal and put me in the role. But it also means he's not paying attention to me or that interested in who I am. 

I also think people who fall too quickly have very poor boundaries. And that makes me uncomfortable. 

I'm not saying this is what it is for you, but I am starting to explore this idea in my case.


----------



## ne9907

BlueWoman said:


> I do the same thing. But I'm starting to think there is some value to it. Someone who is way into me in a very short time doesn't really know me at all. It means he's created a ideal and put me in the role. But it also means he's not paying attention to me or that interested in who I am.
> 
> I also think people who fall too quickly have very poor boundaries. And that makes me uncomfortable.
> 
> I'm not saying this is what it is for you, but I am starting to explore this idea in my case.


I agree BW, my therapist has a better way to explain things but she was able to put everything in contex very efficiently. I am very happy today. Had a good weekend!


----------



## hope4family

I have reached a part in dating the lady I am looking to lock down. That we are taking our first official "too busy to get together" break. Let me just say, it sucks. But she is OK with me calling her a couple times until our next date. I usually text her every day. I rarely meet a person who fascinates me. A part of me wonders, if it's too slow for my taste. Right now there is a risk / reward feeling. The risk being wasting each others time. 

She did say she is worried about us getting close, it not working out, and hurting my son. I share her concern. I told her that I do not let people I date near my son until their role is 100% established. Between the forum and here, I would only let her around if I knew there was a good chance she was staying around. I have found a woman that I dated that I trust that much. 

I do see enough positive patterns. Not just personality wise, but in her awareness. Her awareness personality is off the charts. In that way it leads to a level of comfort and trust. I only hope that my brain can handle the slow pace.


----------



## RandomDude

*sniff sniff*

I smell butterflies


----------



## foolscotton3

My heavily over worked lady friend has been begging for more time. We text daily, pretty much just good morning and good nights, talk on the phone for about an hour or two each week, and spend one evening together every weekend.

Last weekend we rented some movies, and fooled around. Afterwards she said something, and I don't know if she was being factious or not.

Her words [paraphrasing]
_"I kind of like this routine... You come over, I feed you, we talk, have sex, and then cuddle for the rest of the night before you leave me"_

Idk... When you hear it spelled out like that, it sounds kinda boring.

One time after sex, out of the blue she says,
_"At this point in my life, I couldn't see myself having one night stands."_

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------



## RandomDude

:scratchhead: What happened to your usual account?

And you got sex, why still the giggity?


----------



## FeministInPink

You can get banned for having multiple accounts, gouged. Careful there.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Been watching the rocky movies n working out at the same time... yet despite my sexiness still no sex 

anyway seriously if I owned a gym ill be playing boxing/mma matches all day on the tv, keeps u pumping
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead: What happened to your usual account?
> 
> And you got sex, why still the giggity?


I think she just wants me around for sex and companionship. farside was right, view it as a fwb thing.

The sex is.... Okay....
I'm really horny, and want it all the time, but when I get it I'm like, "ehh..."
Mismatched?


FeministInPink said:


> You can get banned for having multiple accounts, gouged. Careful there.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


This account was compromised, and publicly exposed at one time. Now it doesn't matter to anyone if I post under it.


----------



## hope4family

Fools, really it's what you want. I have no idea what you are ok with on this lady. I can't even say "if it were me". Only you can find the awareness and ask the questions about wanting something more or just being satisfied with what it is.


----------



## TooNice

Oh, for the love...



So, back in December or so I cut way back on the amount of time I spend at my local pub. To be very honest, I had concerns about several things, including decisions I was making and money I was spending. So I stopped. I still go on occasion, because I really love the people there, but I am much more cognizant of my behavior. Back at the start of the year, I had posted about one man there who I have gone back and forth with about going out. He's a great guy, but we've never seen each other outside the bar. After the last time we really talked, I was sure we were ready to give a relationship a try, but he went super cold on me, so I dropped it. A girl can take a hint.



Tonight, I was there with a girlfriend. We needed to catch up, and just said hello to regulars as they said hi to us. There is one man I have seen outside the bar a few times. I like him, but again, I am looking for more now. He got all weird when he left... hugging me and lingering touches and such. Apparently he kept turning around on his way out, too. And then he texted me when he got home, wanting to spend time together. Tonight. I told him I am super busy right now, but would love to have dinner sometime to catch up. Of course, he said he's too busy for dinner, which is what I expected.



The other guy was there, too. We said hi and smiled, but didn't talk otherwise. My friend told me he was giving me the strangest looks as we left, as though he was completely confused by me. Which is really funny, given the roller coaster ride he had me on. 



I have barely talked to either of them in months. I am very friendly and say hello the rare times I see them, but do not go out of my way. They know I am changing things up in my life, and that hanging out at the pub is no longer a thing I want to do. I did not flirt or act inappropriate in any way. Something is still feeling off, but I can't pinpoint what. 



I do think that I am physically changing some things up. Instead of going to the bar, I have a trainer, and I am going to the gym. Maybe that's showing more, I don't know. My friend said some complimentary things, and thinks that may be part of it. But yikes... I think looking better is supposed to make you feel better about yourself than I am feeling at the moment. :-/



At least I am feeling stronger about my decision to want a relationship and not just someone to flirt with. While I still have some complex things going on in that arena, I feel as though they are closer to what I want, even in the short term. 



Anyway... this is the end of my rant. I realize that we reap what we sow, and I am dealing with some of that. But, yikes.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

foolscotton3 said:


> This account was compromised, and publicly exposed at one time. Now it doesn't matter to anyone if I post under it.


Huh?


Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH >.<

Had to turn down an absolutely stunning beauty tonight, hell she's so beautiful and warm she managed to make me forget all about miss pony for a few hours. But... no, already exclusive... *sigh* Going to sleep it off, hopefully forget about this missed opportunity tomorrow.

Temptations temptations...



foolscotton3 said:


> I think she just wants me around for sex and companionship. farside was right, view it as a fwb thing.
> 
> The sex is.... Okay....
> I'm really horny, and want it all the time, but when I get it I'm like, "ehh..."
> Mismatched?


Mismatched personality wise I guess, the sex will never be as good as FWBs compared to a committed relationship.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> *sniff sniff*
> 
> I smell butterflies


What? Tell us more!



foolscotton3 said:


> I think she just wants me around for sex and companionship. farside was right, view it as a fwb thing.
> 
> The sex is.... Okay....
> I'm really horny, and want it all the time, but when I get it I'm like, "ehh..."
> Mismatched?
> 
> .


Sex is important! 
I let the great sex, love bombing fool go. He texted me on Monday after I told him I was going to bed!!! 
Maybe a year ago I would have been over the moon over men fawning over me but not anymore. 

I called him last night and chatted for a bit (he would not shut up!) then I told him I was ending what we had. He was disappointed, and sad but understood my position. He asked why, I simply said I felt overwhelmed and my gut feeling was not feeling it.

What is wrong with me? This guy is so great in bed! We had fun together but my gut feeling says "RUN!" so I did.... I am learning to trust my gut feeling...

However! I might be going back to my loser ex bf.... He was talking to me, and I told him I do not him calling me crazy and asked what else he calls me, he said something to the effect 
"kinky? The giver of the best blow job, the best taco maker in the world, the craziest woman I have ever met, and maybe mine if you would do the same..."

That melt my heart... I am going away this weekend as well, today through Sunday. I am suppose to go see him Monday...

I know he is an *******, and rude, and ugly sometimes.... I am back in the saddle with my co dependency...

I enjoy him a lot.


EDIT!! The love bombing fool is too needy. Too overwhelming, too much too soon. I feel awkward calling someone needy, because I thought I was demanding, yet this guy is just too much.... too much.... OMG I AM HEALING!!! (or he isn't very attractive! but the sex...)


----------



## unsure78

ne9907 said:


> What? Tell us more!
> 
> 
> 
> Sex is important!
> I let the great sex, love bombing fool go. He texted me on Monday after I told him I was going to bed!!!
> Maybe a year ago I would have been over the moon over men fawning over me but not anymore.
> 
> I called him last night and chatted for a bit (he would not shut up!) then I told him I was ending what we had. He was disappointed, and sad but understood my position. He asked why, I simply said I felt overwhelmed and my gut feeling was not feeling it.
> 
> What is wrong with me? This guy is so great in bed! We had fun together but my gut feeling says "RUN!" so I did.... I am learning to trust my gut feeling...
> 
> However! I might be going back to my loser ex bf.... He was talking to me, and I told him I do not him calling me crazy and asked what else he calls me, he said something to the effect
> "kinky? The giver of the best blow job, the best taco maker in the world, the craziest woman I have ever met, and maybe mine if you would do the same..."
> 
> That melt my heart... I am going away this weekend as well, today through Sunday. I am suppose to go see him Monday...
> 
> I know he is an *******, and rude, and ugly sometimes.... I am back in the saddle with my co dependency...
> 
> I enjoy him a lot.
> 
> 
> EDIT!! The love bombing fool is too needy. Too overwhelming, too much too soon. I feel awkward calling someone needy, because I thought I was demanding, yet this guy is just too much.... too much.... OMG I AM HEALING!!! (or he isn't very attractive! but the sex...)



NE why are you thinking of going back to that A$$? What ive noticed is you ditch anyone that treats you well. You only want them if they make you work for it/or treat you poorly. Why do you continue to think so poorly of yourself? 

When was the last time you were really alone, without a man? I mean no dating, no fwb, no texting with multiple guys from old,...no male attention??


----------



## ne9907

unsure78 said:


> NE why are you thinking of going back to that A$$? What ive noticed is you ditch anyone that treats you well. You only want them if they make you work for it/or treat you poorly. Why do you continue to think so poorly of yourself?
> 
> When was the last time you were really alone, without a man? I mean no dating, no fwb, no texting with multiple guys from old,...no male attention??


I don't remember. Perhaps a month of being alone with no kind of male attention. I honestly do not know why I don't treat myself better. I take strides in which I am happy and treat myself so well. I am coming along, I know I have a long way to go.

You are right though, I do not like when men treat me too well, I do not like it easy.... I am working on that issue with my therapist. My ex-husband would treat me like a queen, he was loving, adorable, soooo nice, so wonderful and he turned out to be a child molester, serial cheater, narcissistic sociopathic liar.

I need to reconcile my past with my present, I still have a long road ahead.


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> Ugh. This is where I wish I had RD's IRL experience....
> 
> so i work in a place with multiple thousands of employees and many many attractive young women. I am 44 divorced with 2 kids and often these women are early in their careers-- 25 yrs old to early 30s, never married, looking to a future of marriage and kids. This came up in the 'My fiance wants kids and I dont' thread. If one of these women were interested in dating, it would be immediately on my mind that...where is this going? I do not want kids and 90% of professional single women under 30 do. etc.
> 
> So, to get to the point, our team recently moved to another area and the last couple weeks I have seen this really cute girl at least 5-6 times a week. Her team is close to mine though I dont know her name or what actual team she is on. In any case I have noticed her and she has me as well. A few moments ago, I was talking to someone in an open area where people pass by. As i turned to go back to my desk, this girl was walking my direction to use the elevetor and as i turnde around and started walking I saw her, she turned and looked me directly in the face and smiled as i noticed she has done recently and i said hi as i passed. Now, she very well could be being friendly and also being at work makes it a little different too, but I am pretty sure it was more than that. In any case, I have not had a good time to really talk to her-- well, i did a few weeks ago when i first noticed her, but not since she has (appeared to anyway) shown interest as well.
> 
> Then back to the other thing...she is definitely younger than me, and likely thinks I am in my early to mid 30s. 44 does not sound old to me, but it does to a, say 31 year old. (Since I look so young and have people mis guess my age always, I do a terrible job of guessing others'-- ideally she would be 39 and have 2 kids but the chances of that are very small b/c she looks young).
> 
> so...monday morning rambling. if anyone has had any experience with that workplace sorta crush thing...that girl or guy that you dont really know...would be interested to hear stories.


update-- i continue to see this girl in passing every couple days and she continues to act the same way, unfortunately i have not had a chance to talk to her. i did hear her talking to someone, in a common break area, about how she is buying a townhome and the guy asked if her bf and her are buying it together and she said no. So yes, she is taken. She still acts interested or is really friendly. though, if she is walking by and i am in conversation with someone it is me she smiles and says hi to. in any case i feel at this point i can tell when someone is interested. it is obviously innocent, she thinks i am cute, not inviting me to ask her out. whatever, doesnt matter, but maybe having more info some of the ladys can give their opinions re why a woman may act this way when in a relationship. no worries. 

in other news, i let my match subscription expire but last sunday was a 'free' day and i went on there and was able to make a date with someone. coffee house on sunday. 

FWB has been silent for a couple weeks and heavy texter reached out in a rather passive manner-- sending link via FB messenger with no comments. Finally I emailed her and she acted disappointed to find out i had deleted her number -- though she was showing NO interest-- and then said she is struggling and unsettled and enjoys my friendship. I told her the reason that i deleted her number is bc i felt she is not interested. so....didnt ask her out again. sounds like she wants friendship. oh well....


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I do it too - fun flirting with attractive women but thats it. Anything suggestive is suggested with a joking tone of voice, and any proposals r shot down in a friendly manner
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Maybe it is just being friendly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Hi everyone , it seems like I am the only boring one with only work n kids n no love or bf story . yawnnnnn . 😪

Where are the decent men ??????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

tripad said:


> Hi everyone , it seems like I am the only boring one with only work n kids n no love or bf story . yawnnnnn . 😪
> 
> Where are the decent men ??????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I am in Florida.......


----------



## RandomDude

Well, my gf story may be short, starting to question if I made the right decision to be exclusive with miss pony already.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Hi everyone , it seems like I am the only boring one with only work n kids n no love or bf story . yawnnnnn . 😪
> 
> Where are the decent men ??????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're not the only boring one. I'm taking a break from dating at the moment, so all I've got is work


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Well, my gf story may be short, starting to question if I made the right decision to be exclusive with miss pony already.


Just dump her already


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> You're not the only boring one. I'm taking a break from dating at the moment, so all I've got is work


That's what I should be focusing on =/


----------



## GuyInColorado

The GF called in sick yesterday and we hung out from 9a-5p. We're both falling head over heels in love with each other I'm pretty sure. It will be interesting where we are in a year from now.


----------



## foolscotton3

GuyInColorado said:


> The GF called in sick yesterday and we hung out from 9a-5p. We're both falling head over heels in love with each other I'm pretty sure. It will be interesting where we are in a year from now.


Both living at her mother's.


----------



## TooNice

I broke things off with the younger guy tonight. It was hard, which means it was the right thing to do. It was easy to fall into the whole "live for the moment" mentality, except that he was feeling like a real relationship. One that would only get harder and harder to end when the time does finally come. I'm glad I brought it up, and that we could agree that it was right. But I really do enjoy spending time with him. And damn... that kiss goodbye. 

Boo.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I broke things off with the younger guy tonight. It was hard, which means it was the right thing to do. It was easy to fall into the whole "live for the moment" mentality, except that he was feeling like a real relationship. One that would only get harder and harder to end when the time does finally come. I'm glad I brought it up, and that we could agree that it was right. But I really do enjoy spending time with him. And damn... that kiss goodbye.
> 
> Boo.


 

How do you mean, "he" was feeling like a relationship? Was that coming from your direction, or his?


----------



## TooNice

Fair question. I didn't really phrase that well. I meant -we- were feeling like a relationship. And it was mutual. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Fair question. I didn't really phrase that well. I meant -we- were feeling like a relationship. And it was mutual.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


And that's a bad thing?


----------



## RandomDude

When you're sexy and you know it clap your hands *clap clap*
When you're sexy and you know it, and you really wanna show it, when you're sexy and you know it clap your hands! *clap clap*

... 
Seriously though, feeling like a stud this year for some reason


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> And that's a bad thing?



We were both becoming more comfortable with the age gap, except that he wants marriage and a family. I can't give him that, so we have known there is no way this could work long term. We were trying to simply enjoy each other in the short term. I thought I could do that, but it was feeling complicated to me. Feelings and all that. Plus the aspect that we both still want to find people that CAN be LTR material. I can't feel open to look while I have feelings for someone. That adds to it feeling complicated. 

Complicated doesn't feel good for me. Even if being with him does. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> When you're sexy and you know it clap your hands *clap clap*
> 
> When you're sexy and you know it, and you really wanna show it, when you're sexy and you know it clap your hands! *clap clap*
> 
> 
> 
> ...
> 
> Seriously though, feeling like a stud this year for some reason



For some reason, huh? Some specific reason...?


~Just breathe.


----------



## RandomDude

Having two stunning ladies hit on me after a year of celibacy might have something to do with it >.<

*sigh*

I'm being naughty right now


----------



## hope4family

TooNice said:


> For some reason, huh? Some specific reason...?
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


I have been in the younger mans shoes. 

Have a lady right now, even as I date someone else. It's a moment where the chemistry is off the charts. 

I would like 1 more kid or adoption. She is done that with that. Everything else comes naturally, easy, simple. Maybe, if I were older, or if she were younger, maybe if we were both young dumb and in our mid/late 20's or we were both old enough to agree we were done. It could be a match in heaven. 

This is not a fairy tale, nor is it a love story. I hope she finds the man she wants. Likewise I hope I find the woman I want. Hope the same for you too @TooNice.


----------



## TooNice

hope4family said:


> I have been in the younger mans shoes.
> 
> 
> 
> Have a lady right now, even as I date someone else. It's a moment where the chemistry is off the charts.
> 
> 
> 
> I would like 1 more kid or adoption. She is done that with that. Everything else comes naturally, easy, simple. Maybe, if I were older, or if she were younger, maybe if we were both young dumb and in our mid/late 20's or we were both old enough to agree we were done. It could be a match in heaven.
> 
> 
> 
> This is not a fairy tale, nor is it a love story. I hope she finds the man she wants. Likewise I hope I find the woman I want. Hope the same for you too @TooNice.



Thanks. We have said the same thing. If we were closer in age, if we were better aligned with what we want, we could be LTR material for each other. 

I believe in the fairy tale and the love story. When it happens, I feel I will know, and it won't be hard or complicated.

I hope the same thing for my guy-I want him to find a great girl who can make him happy and give him those things he is ready for. We all deserve that. And we will find the people meant for us. I believe that!


~Just breathe.


----------



## tripad

hope4family said:


> Well I am in Florida.......


Too far . &#55357;&#56866;

Too busy to even exercise n signs of cellulite appearing .omg . I just stopped for 4 weeks . omg . I am going back to 2-3 times 3 km run . got to stay trim and sexy . damn . now it is work , kids , exercise and yet no bf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Too nice 

Glad you broke it off .

I didn't think it will last . the pressure will be great on both of you . it will be harder for you when he dumps you , citing age difference . living for the moment is , IMO , dumb . unless you just want the sex n can accept that it's only sex .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Having two stunning ladies hit on me after a year of celibacy might have something to do with it >.<
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> I'm being naughty right now


You are probably exuding a lot of male sex vibes like in the animal kingdom , where the animals exude a certain frequency during mating season to attract the opposite sex ? 😁
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Too nice
> 
> 
> 
> Glad you broke it off .
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't think it will last . the pressure will be great on both of you . it will be harder for you when he dumps you , citing age difference . living for the moment is , IMO , dumb . unless you just want the sex n can accept that it's only sex .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



We half jokingly talked about if we could just see each other as FWB, but the problem is that we like each other too much. Sex would never be "only sex". It hasn't been so far, which was a factor in my decision. Turning into a case of the feels.

I know ending it was right, but it is too bad. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> We were both becoming more comfortable with the age gap, except that he wants marriage and a family. I can't give him that, so we have known there is no way this could work long term. We were trying to simply enjoy each other in the short term. I thought I could do that, but it was feeling complicated to me. Feelings and all that. Plus the aspect that we both still want to find people that CAN be LTR material. I can't feel open to look while I have feelings for someone. That adds to it feeling complicated.
> 
> Complicated doesn't feel good for me. Even if being with him does.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


I am sorry. 
Please be prepared for him coming back to you, or for you wanting him back. Be ready and follow your course.

I received a text from the love bombin fool. I ended things with him Tuesday, he texted again. Not planning on replying, this is what he wrote:

"Hey Ne, you caught me off guard when we talked. As I told you I will respect your space and not bug you, but I wanted ot leave you with one final thought... I know you are working on recovering from a crappy marriage... as you move forward you need to believe in yourself that you are a good person, in so many ways! I know you doubt yourself same ways, but that will pass with time. I truly wish you the best and enjoyed our friendship. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to."

I feel he doesn't know me well enough to send me such a text. We knew each other for three weeks. I don't trust nice men...

Anyway.... back to work.


----------



## BlueWoman

FeministInPink said:


> You're not the only boring one. I'm taking a break from dating at the moment, so all I've got is work


Me too. Or I should say, I am not going out of my way to find dates.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I am sorry.
> Please be prepared for him coming back to you, or for you wanting him back. Be ready and follow your course.


I am sure that will happen. On one or both sides. We met in a common social group, and will likely see each other in that group again. I want to remain friends, and he does as well. We could be good friends if we can keep the other stuff at bay. Or maybe we end up having wild sex in a month. Who knows. >



ne9907 said:


> I feel he doesn't know me well enough to send me such a text. We knew each other for three weeks. *I don't trust nice men...*


That didn't sound all that bad. It was definitely a kind message. If he truly is a nice man, and he's not trying to manipulate you in any way, I'd just take it as well intentioned advice for moving forward. 

And maybe think about what makes you not trust nice men, but want to go back to those who are not so nice. (Said with love, not judgement!)


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> You are probably exuding a lot of male sex vibes like in the animal kingdom , where the animals exude a certain frequency during mating season to attract the opposite sex ? 😁
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahahahaha :rofl:

That's right! lol
Now you are speaking my language :grin2:


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

ne9907 said:


> "Hey Ne, you caught me off guard when we talked. As I told you I will respect your space and not bug you, but I wanted ot leave you with one final thought... I know you are working on recovering from a crappy marriage... as you move forward you need to believe in yourself that you are a good person, in so many ways! I know you doubt yourself same ways, but that will pass with time. I truly wish you the best and enjoyed our friendship. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to."
> 
> I feel he doesn't know me well enough to send me such a text. We knew each other for three weeks. I don't trust nice men...


Maybe it's the cynic in me, but that just reads to me like a guy trying to get in the last word and be right and tell you how to fix yourself all at the same time.

I'm best off out of the dating pool.


----------



## tripad

No 

That he's being courteous n nice . is he British ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> No
> 
> That he's being courteous n nice . is he British ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is not British. Quite frankly his physical appearance is the main factor I am not into him. I simply cannot get over that aspect. The sex was greeeeeaaat! 

I have been communicating a lot with ex boyfriend. I like his rough, domineering style. He called last night we talked a lot and said something like "you are crazy but fvcks so good..."
I believe when he calls me beautiful and amazing and flawed but perfect for him. 
I have known him almost two years and I love him in my own special way

Also ex husband email again! We had a cat together. His email read:
Hey! I've been thinking about getting rid of Katie (our cat) do you want her before I do?

I am not replying. He is the reason I am unable to trust nice men. He is the nicest and most charming man in the world. He is also the worst and most evil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

At least he is asking if you want the pet... My ex turned the dog into the pound without even trying to find it another home...


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> He is not British. Quite frankly his physical appearance is the main factor I am not into him. I simply cannot get over that aspect. The sex was greeeeeaaat!
> 
> I have been communicating a lot with ex boyfriend. I like his rough, domineering style. He called last night we talked a lot and said something like "you are crazy but fvcks so good..."
> I believe when he calls me beautiful and amazing and flawed but perfect for him.
> I have known him almost two years and I love him in my own special way
> 
> Also ex husband email again! We had a cat together. His email read:
> Hey! I've been thinking about getting rid of Katie (our cat) do you want her before I do?
> 
> I am not replying. He is the reason I am unable to trust nice men. He is the nicest and most charming man in the world. He is also the worst and most evil.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



so..it sounds like you feel some sort of passive/aggressive attempt at manipulation in the 'niceness', I guess i can understand with the text esp if you do not feel like you have known him long enough to make those statements. i think there may have been a time when i would have acted that way too actually, without realizing i was being nice but with expectations, or in this case an attempt to hold on or still be in someones life in a way. 

the thing with the ex husband doesnt seem evil at all. what could be behind asking if you want the cat?


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> He is not British. Quite frankly his physical appearance is the main factor I am not into him. I simply cannot get over that aspect. The sex was greeeeeaaat!
> 
> I have been communicating a lot with ex boyfriend. I like his rough, domineering style. He called last night we talked a lot and said something like "you are crazy but fvcks so good..."
> I believe when he calls me beautiful and amazing and flawed but perfect for him.
> I have known him almost two years and I love him in my own special way
> 
> Also ex husband email again! We had a cat together. His email read:
> Hey! I've been thinking about getting rid of Katie (our cat) do you want her before I do?
> 
> I am not replying. He is the reason I am unable to trust nice men. He is the nicest and most charming man in the world. He is also the worst and most evil.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Feel the same way about my ex . any possibility they are narcissistic ? I always wonder . how someone charming n nice turn out to be Satan's twin .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> I am sorry.
> Please be prepared for him coming back to you, or for you wanting him back. Be ready and follow your course.
> 
> I received a text from the love bombin fool. I ended things with him Tuesday, he texted again. Not planning on replying, this is what he wrote:
> 
> "Hey Ne, you caught me off guard when we talked. As I told you I will respect your space and not bug you, but I wanted ot leave you with one final thought... I know you are working on recovering from a crappy marriage... as you move forward you need to believe in yourself that you are a good person, in so many ways! I know you doubt yourself same ways, but that will pass with time. I truly wish you the best and enjoyed our friendship. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to."
> 
> I feel he doesn't know me well enough to send me such a text. We knew each other for three weeks. I don't trust nice men...
> 
> Anyway.... back to work.


Combined with the love bombing and texting after hours...
First of all, if someone is centered and thinking straight, you can almost never catch that person off guard. They will always know where they stand on an issue, and be ready to discuss it. If not, they would defer the talk. YOU caught him OFF GUARD. No, he was caught off guard because he didn't have a plan of action/manipulation techniques prepared for what came at him out of the blue. Too bad for him.

One final thought = he's having the last word. You cannot have it, because he is not that generous (nice).

Reminds you that you had a crappy marriage. (What about all the crappy relationships he must have had, he's just as single as you are.)

Move forward. What the h*ll's wrong with where you are now? He was in the same place at the same time as you, so it can't be that bad of a place to be in, he was happy in it! Just that he's not there now, so it must be inferior without him (not). 

Then insinuating that you don't think you're good enough (for him). Vs. You want something better for yourself. Good Lord Almighty.

Friendship. Doesn't he mean 'f*ckship'? Because a friend wouldn't write such a text. They would be cool with your life and them not in it. 
Especially a guy friend, who understands you want someone other than themselves, in the long run. A friend would get that they're in the way of that, and not suggest that you 'reach out to them'. Don't fall for it.

I don't trust love bombers. Don't they have lives that involve, like, work or sleep or laundry or grocery shopping or working out or something? At least spend some hours playing video games and don't text for a few hours. 

The guy I'm seeing now, he doesn't text a whole lot. He goes to work on schedule. He has friends he sees. I feel like he could actually fit into my life as a relationship, vs. taking it over. 

A relationship is NOT therapy. Any love bombing fool who treats it like it was one, should be history. 
There's being chums/buds, on a day when you're low energy or something, but hints at major repair (psychologically, vs. say, health habits, work habits etc.) of one person by the presence of the other, is a red flag for sure.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907, crazy is just fine if you are okay with it, and you can manage your life being a little bit out there, who cares?
Crazy/out there is not really at odds with being responsible in ways that matter. It's a good thing, people's lives are boring enough.
If it bothers you, then just get a handle on the parts that bother you, but don't destroy what's unique and attractive both to yourself and to others, please. Sometimes taking care of oneself is like having a pet monkey on your shoulder all the time (sometimes it takes naps) or taming a wild horse without breaking its spirit.


----------



## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> At least he is asking if you want the pet... My ex turned the dog into the pound without even trying to find it another home...


He wants something. He does not want me to have Katie. He wants something. I am not interested in furthering his psych. Whatever he wants I am not playing his stupid game 




MRR said:


> so..it sounds like you feel some sort of passive/aggressive attempt at manipulation in the 'niceness', I guess i can understand with the text esp if you do not feel like you have known him long enough to make those statements. i think there may have been a time when i would have acted that way too actually, without realizing i was being nice but with expectations, or in this case an attempt to hold on or still be in someones life in a way.
> 
> the thing with the ex husband doesnt seem evil at all. what could be behind asking if you want the cat?


As I stated above, I have learned that whenever exh contacts me it is because he wants/needs something from me. Validation. Whatever the case may be. I knew this message was coming. He unblocked me from FB last week, so figured he would contact me again. 
At least this time is not a hate filled email like last time. 

I like ex boyfriend because he doesn't want or need anything from me. Not sure how long I'll be with him. 

Oh and I did not reply to the love bombing fool. I have no desire at all to engage with him on any level.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

I'm sorry if I missed it. Ne, why did you break up with your ex boyfriend?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

spinsterdurga said:


> I'm sorry if I missed it. Ne, why did you break up with your ex boyfriend?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Our lifestyles are not compatible. He is also a self proclaimed bully. He is passive aggressive. 
A lot of cons but he also a lot of pros.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Edit. Plus anytime he says or texts me something romantic, endearing, or sexy my V pulsates with desire.


----------



## Miss Independent

ne9907 said:


> Our lifestyles are not compatible. He is also a self proclaimed bully. He is passive aggressive.
> A lot of cons but he also a lot of pros.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Edit. Plus anytime he says or texts me something romantic, endearing, or sexy my V pulsates with desire.



I don't want to be rude but why are you talking to him? Unless he's working to fix his cons, I don't see how things have changed for you to talk to him --with the hope of resuming the relationship?---


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

spinsterdurga said:


> I don't want to be rude but why are you talking to him? Unless he's working to fix his cons, I don't see how things have changed for you to talk to him --with the hope of resuming the relationship?---
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Because I am extremely happy when talking to him. I am living in the moment. He has told me he's doing new activities. I don't care much. I am just extremely happy. Talking to him makes me giddy and excited. I am worse than Guyincolorado. I just don't publicize all the mushy, sexy, crazy, lovey dovey crap we say/text to each other
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Sometimes I read some of these posts and think you ladies are overreacting. 

Other times, I think I sorta see your point. 

The rest of the time we agree 100%. 

After careful consideration and re-reading posts. I am going to agree 100% that this guy is not a good fit and even "bad mojo" long term. 

I personally reserve the right to text someone I really care or even have sincere interest for daily. Moreover, in terms of what that means emotional wise, well, sometimes a daily text on how was your day is a kind way of saying I am interested in them and value a simple "fine, Thanks.". I don't have to, and I usually stop if someone calls it needy or any iteration that has negative context. If someone disagree's with this behavior, meh, I'd just say we aren't compatible in this regards. 

Getting the last word in though, is not cool by any means. I have suffered from this flaw. Or at least, I have been accused of it, and take it as constructive criticism.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> Because I am extremely happy when talking to him. I am living in the moment. He has told me he's doing new activities. I don't care much. I am just extremely happy. Talking to him makes me giddy and excited. I am worse than Guyincolorado. I just don't publicize all the mushy, sexy, crazy, lovey dovey crap we say/text to each other
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ne, its all bullsh!t. He is doing this to get you back and when he has you where he wants you, he will go right back to the useless POS he was before. Learn from it, dont repeat it.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, its all bullsh!t. He is doing this to get you back and when he has you where he wants you, he will go right back to the useless POS he was before. Learn from it, dont repeat it.


I totally agree with you, I am enjoying and having fun at the moment. I am in no hurry to get in a LTR, this guy is fun. Also I have never been in this "relationship" situation before ie we go back and forth. I rather like it. He also shoots me straight with no bull**** answers or suggestions whenever I encounter a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Also, I am down date 4 with current female. We technically have already planned a date 5. (She has a friend giving us tickets to a concert 1 month from now.) She also came over to the apartment today (first time) since I baked her cookies and forgot to give them to her. (Legit forgot I promise)

There is only one problem with us both. Maybe it's only a problem because I said it is. Bare in mind, we both agreed to this, and it is my primary love language. So I am like, trying to communicate interest and feelings any other way for now. 

We agreed to take it "slow" in terms of nothing physical has happened, even holding hands. (Although I did get a nuzzle in the Florida cold by the beach, but I have had that happen casually with women I find friend only so I don't put much stock in that.) I do prefer it this way, I have to say, I feel "interested" in her. So forgoing my primary love language ( which is Physical) by a mile, at times becomes very very very very very confusing. I thought about discussing it with her, but I am trying to dissect the why I feel this way. Although I feel that the answer is obvious, I just don't want to go too fast.

Anyway. I leave for work trip for a week. She has a mini vacation planned for the next week. So we have almost 2 weeks NC for me to sort this out in my own head before I decide anything else. I really enjoy her independence, but ladies forgive me when I say that I think this is a girl that as a man I should be willing to lock down. I want to take it slow though, for myself and for my son.

She did a few nights back say that one of her biggest concerns is us (Son & I) integrating her into our lives, and it not working out. To her that would be a huge blow to my son. For now, I see that attitude as a plus. I haven't introduced them yet, I do not plan on it, not until after we have a better footing to what we are. (A qualification I put on any woman before I introduce them to my son be it friend or even potential relationship prospect.)


----------



## RandomDude

Been thinking, would be funny if miss pony turns out to the lady in my history as the "woman who got RD out of celibacy only to keep him in celibacy in a sexless relationship"!

Can't believe it's a risk that I'm taking now. Even if that is what is going to happen, if she's that good to seduce me like that to get whatever the heck she's after from me, to tick all my boxes without me even mentioning it, then hell she probably deserves it or needs it really bad.

Can't fold my cards in a round that I simply have to see it until the end even if it costs me the pot... correct?


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## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking, would be funny if miss pony turns out to the lady in my history as the "woman who got RD out of celibacy only to keep him in celibacy in a sexless relationship"!
> 
> Can't believe it's a risk that I'm taking now. Even if that is what is going to happen, if she's that good to seduce me like that to get whatever the heck she's after from me, to tick all my boxes without me even mentioning it, then hell she probably deserves it or needs it really bad.
> 
> Can't fold my cards in a round that I simply have to see it until the end even if it costs me the pot... correct?


Maybe you both are in a celibate phase.


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## BlueWoman

So the guy I dated this summer just got married. He married the girl he had been dating before me. Is it weird that I mostly feel relief and a little creeped out. I just felt like he was wife shopping. Everything happened to quickly (he introduced me to his kids way too soon.) 


Or maybe I'm enjoying being single way too much. 
In general I feel like I am a better person single.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Been thinking, would be funny if miss pony turns out to the lady in my history as the "woman who got RD out of celibacy only to keep him in celibacy in a sexless relationship"!
> 
> Can't believe it's a risk that I'm taking now. Even if that is what is going to happen, if she's that good to seduce me like that to get whatever the heck she's after from me, to tick all my boxes without me even mentioning it, then hell she probably deserves it or needs it really bad.
> 
> Can't fold my cards in a round that I simply have to see it until the end even if it costs me the pot... correct?


You think too much!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I had a nice date last night. A guy I dated before but wasn't in the right place to appreciate. Glad I am now!
It was sooooo nice to go out with someone who wasn't trying to psychoanalyze me or judge me.
I think Occam's Razor principle applies to relationships - less complexity is better. 
Rinse and repeat.


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## SecondTime'Round

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I think Occam's Razor principle applies to relationships - less complexity is better.
> Rinse and repeat.


Really? I was just thinking about this like 10 minutes ago. I kinda think the opposite, but I don't know if that's because I'm so conditioned to emotional intensity (mostly unhealthy) in relationships. I've gone out twice with someone who is very nice, funny, it's light.....but I find myself wondering if he's really interested in getting to know ME. I really crave deep emotional connection with people and find it hard to believe a less complex relationship would be fulfilling.


----------



## BlueWoman

SecondTime'Round said:


> Really? I was just thinking about this like 10 minutes ago. I kinda think the opposite, but I don't know if that's because I'm so conditioned to emotional intensity (mostly unhealthy) in relationships. I've gone out twice with someone who is very nice, funny, it's light.....but I find myself wondering if he's really interested in getting to know ME. I really crave deep emotional connection with people and find it hard to believe a less complex relationship would be fulfilling.



I think it should be simple in the beginning, and complexity should develop over time.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

SecondTime'Round said:


> Really? I was just thinking about this like 10 minutes ago. I kinda think the opposite, but I don't know if that's because I'm so conditioned to emotional intensity (mostly unhealthy) in relationships. I've gone out twice with someone who is very nice, funny, it's light.....but I find myself wondering if he's really interested in getting to know ME. I really crave deep emotional connection with people and find it hard to believe a less complex relationship would be fulfilling.


There is complexity in simplicity. Look at any reduced equation for proof (that's a math-related pun, sorry couldn't help myself).
A person who appears to be not so complex could just be skilled at managing complexity to be in 'the flow' vs. energy-draining and making you think in circles and contingencies. I wouldn't confuse emotional depth and capacity with simple. These are two different things. Maybe it's the untangling of false assumptions we've made based on being exposed to love story film plots that need to go on for a couple hours to make it to the box office. 

Think about Spot. See Spot run. 
(Maybe you're too young to remember this book.) It is very simple and yet a child's mind which is also very simple can fill in the details and it's very complex, but a simple interchange between author and reader. 

I admit, sometimes I read children's books even though my youngest is 12. 
I find them very comforting in their simplicity. At least when they're written well.
Try Alexandra Day's, "Good Dog, Carl." and you'll see what I'm getting at. 

Then check out the YouTube version where a lady adds words to the pages that don't have words.
She totally trashes the intent of the book, it's sooooo irritating. There is no need to add words.
That is the point. 


Of course, some children's books are just rubbish. 
Like some relationships.


----------



## RandomDude

Had a chat with some mates about miss pony, they can't believe she's like that (non-material, money is 0% importance), then they ask if she grew up in the city, when I told them where she came from, they were like "ah, now that makes more sense" lol

So many single women in my city, and all the single men are not dating them, they are "importing" instead - like me! I reckon ex-GF (who was materialistic) was probably among the best of the bunch but it's still not enough, if I was still with her and I lose my business chances are she'll still ****** off.

Funny really, though also quite sad that this is the reality of rat-race city.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Had a chat with some mates about miss pony, they can't believe she's like that (non-material, money is 0% importance), then they ask if she grew up in the city, when I told them where she came from, they were like "ah, now that makes more sense" lol
> 
> So many single women in my city, and all the single men are not dating them, they are "importing" instead - like me! I reckon ex-GF (who was materialistic) was probably among the best of the bunch but it's still not enough, if I was still with her and I lose my business chances are she'll still ****** off.
> 
> Funny really, though also quite sad that this is the reality of rat-race city.


This rings a bell . When my ex knew me n I was doing well , he claimed money is not important . His family behaves like they are holy n money is not priority . 

THEN ALL CHANGES THE MOMENT I SLEPT WITH HIM N IN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Omg 

The drama the nightmare the financial drain
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Just saw a woman driving Mr neighbor's car off . n while Mr neighbor just flew out of town . 

Moody now . guess he has a gf . why didnt he just tell me so n can't have coffee with me so I get the hint instead of telling me he's busy n will arrange with me after he's back .

When he is inviting me n I rejected him as I was depressed . now this . damn . 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> This rings a bell . When my ex knew me n I was doing well , he claimed money is not important . His family behaves like they are holy n money is not priority .
> 
> THEN ALL CHANGES THE MOMENT I SLEPT WITH HIM N IN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So to make sure -> Must sleep with miss pony to find out! 

If only... 



tripad said:


> Moody now . guess he has a gf . why didnt he just tell me so n can't have coffee with me so I get the hint instead of telling me he's busy n will arrange with me after he's back .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Probably didn't want to "complicate" things...


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> So to make sure -> Must sleep with miss pony to find out!
> 
> If only...
> 
> 
> 
> Probably didn't want to "complicate" things...


It is more complicated when he doesn't tell as it is .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RD, is Ms. Pony not from the city?
I'm from a place where FOCUS on money beyond earning your keep and whatever you want to have for yourself is disgraceful.
The money has to come from somewhere, if you overcharge then you are probably taking advantage of your neighbors, or someone...and they could be next. Most people around where I live, if they make a profit, they put quite a bit of it back into the community. The community will take it happily, so long as it's ethically clean money (relatively so). 

And if someone has a catastrophe, there is usually a fund set up at a bank, people stop by and put money in the account, no questions asked. 

If she comes from a place like I come from, she may have a value system that preclude her taking someone else's money, even if married she would never think of it as her own. I know I never did when I was married. Maybe I should have, just a little bit more, but it would have been embarrassing. Even divorced, I have issues with anyone thinking I took any money away from my marriage, and profited by it. Good way to trash your reputation and have nobody want to date you seriously. 

Nobody here even much talks about money. Or religion. Or politics. 
We seem to have a different currency. 

But didn't you say Ms. Pony had some kind of business venture and discussed financing with you?
If you do decide to go ahead with that, just do it through a bank so it's all above board and vetted as a good risk.
Or was that the gf from last year?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

hope4family said:


> We agreed to take it "slow" in terms of nothing physical has happened, even holding hands. (Although I did get a nuzzle in the Florida cold by the beach, but I have had that happen casually with women I find friend only so I don't put much stock in that.) I do prefer it this way, I have to say, I feel "interested" in her. So forgoing my primary love language ( which is Physical) by a mile, at times becomes very very very very very confusing. I thought about discussing it with her, but I am trying to dissect the why I feel this way. Although I feel that the answer is obvious, I just don't want to go too fast.


Ok, so WHY has there been no affection? Taking is slow is one thing, being stand-offish is another. As another person whose primary LL is physical touch, this would not be ok with me at all. She may be the kind that you "lock down" but if the physical isn't there, this wont work for you.


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony is living in the city now but shes from a country town. And we never discussed any business ventures or financing that was ex gf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

This is a stressful week for me at work, and I managed to pick up a nasty cold that hit yesterday. 

Now, I am also dealing with the knowledge that my ex and the OW are traveling today to my ex's dream vacation. I've done so well in terms of the split. I really am stronger and better and happier without him. I don't love him, nor do I miss him. That said, I am angry at my own emotions that this is bothering me as much as it is. That I am allowing him to have the power over me to let this get to me. That in my mind, I am hearing the message that again, -I- was not enough. It was never that we didn't have the money, like he stated. It was that he didn't want to spend the money with ME. 

I would love to go home and pull the covers over my head for the next few days. Life has no such plans for me this week, but it sure sounds lovely.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> This is a stressful week for me at work, and I managed to pick up a nasty cold that hit yesterday.
> 
> Now, I am also dealing with the knowledge that my ex and the OW are traveling today to my ex's dream vacation. I've done so well in terms of the split. I really am stronger and better and happier without him. I don't love him, nor do I miss him. That said, I am angry at my own emotions that this is bothering me as much as it is. That I am allowing him to have the power over me to let this get to me. That in my mind, I am hearing the message that again, -I- was not enough. It was never that we didn't have the money, like he stated. It was that he didn't want to spend the money with ME.
> 
> I would love to go home and pull the covers over my head for the next few days. Life has no such plans for me this week, but it sure sounds lovely.


It is not about you , not being enough . He is giving himself a treat to his dream holiday . The OW happens to be the woman going . It could be anyone . She is an object to him .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> It is not about you , not being enough . He is giving himself a treat to his dream holiday . The OW happens to be the woman going . It could be anyone . She is an object to him .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Honestly, as I have sat here feeling sorry for myself tonight, I think I am starting to just feel impatient. I know I can't rush the universe. I need to be at peace with myself and love where I am completely before love comes to me again. I get that. 

But days like today honestly pi$$ me off a little. I deserve happiness and dream vacations and someone to come home to. I'm a good person who put up with at least 15 years of crap only to have him feeling happy right now while I am alone. Even if it's not real and doesn't last (which I can't count on), right now, he is happy. 

My apologies...I'm having a rare self pity party day. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> Honestly, as I have sat here feeling sorry for myself tonight, I think I am starting to just feel impatient. I know I can't rush the universe. I need to be at peace with myself and love where I am completely before love comes to me again. I get that.
> 
> But days like today honestly pi$$ me off a little. I deserve happiness and dream vacations and someone to come home to. I'm a good person who put up with at least 15 years of crap only to have him feeling happy right now while I am alone. Even if it's not real and doesn't last (which I can't count on), right now, he is happy.
> 
> My apologies...I'm having a rare self pity party day.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Been there, done that. STILL do that sometimes. Its ok, let yourself have your pity party for a bit. You'll wake up to a better day tomorrow.


----------



## TooNice

3Xnocharm said:


> Been there, done that. STILL do that sometimes. Its ok, let yourself have your pity party for a bit. You'll wake up to a better day tomorrow.



Thanks for the support and validation. It means a lot. As Absurdist mentioned in another thread today, even though it's healing, the wound still hurts when poked...


~Just breathe.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> Honestly, as I have sat here feeling sorry for myself tonight, I think I am starting to just feel impatient. I know I can't rush the universe. I need to be at peace with myself and love where I am completely before love comes to me again. I get that.
> 
> But days like today honestly pi$$ me off a little. I deserve happiness and dream vacations and someone to come home to. I'm a good person who put up with at least 15 years of crap only to have him feeling happy right now while I am alone. Even if it's not real and doesn't last (which I can't count on), right now, he is happy.
> 
> My apologies...I'm having a rare self pity party day.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


I know .

I am alone . not lonely . except at times . 

I am going to have my dream vacation one day , with or without a man . hopefully with one . 

Yes , right now feeling a little sore myself with another woman driving off Mr neighbor's car . but I guess it's wrong timing n he's not mine . 

Trying not to fall into pity mood . 

The sun will be up one day .

Remember it's not your fault . it's his full of crap .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> Thanks for the support and validation. It means a lot. As Absurdist mentioned in another thread today, even though it's healing, the wound still hurts when poked...
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Of course
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony's legs are smoother than they have any right to be... *sigh*, she seems to tense up when my hands go a little too high or in her inner thighs but she relaxes when it's just near her knee. I don't want to push my luck, but she seems to recoil at any tease I do. I don't know if that's for her to control herself or a sign that she's just not interested in sex.

She seems to be more flirty over the phone than in person too, pouring honey in my ears, and fantasies... then in person "thou shalt not touch" =/


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony's legs are smoother than they have any right to be... *sigh*, she seems to tense up when my hands go a little too high or in her inner thighs but she relaxes when it's just near her knee. I don't want to push my luck, but she seems to recoil at any tease I do. I don't know if that's for her to control herself or a sign that she's just not interested in sex.
> 
> She seems to be more flirty over the phone than in person too, pouring honey in my ears, and fantasies... then in person "thou shalt not touch" =/


She is playing games. If she hasnt slept with you by now, she wont.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony's legs are smoother than they have any right to be... *sigh*, she seems to tense up when my hands go a little too high or in her inner thighs but she relaxes when it's just near her knee. I don't want to push my luck, but she seems to recoil at any tease I do. I don't know if that's for her to control herself or a sign that she's just not interested in sex.
> 
> She seems to be more flirty over the phone than in person too, pouring honey in my ears, and fantasies... then in person "thou shalt not touch" =/


Dude, all women do that, even ones that put out on the regular.

I'm still believing in the time frame theory; she has a predetermined length of time, and will not be open for business until it has elapsed.


----------



## RandomDude

I don't know what to believe


----------



## RandomDude

Ok so apparently... she regrets having sex with her exs =/

The hell?


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* This is going to be a long ride...

The HELL is wrong with me dating such a woman?!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Ok so apparently... she regrets having sex with her exs =/
> 
> The hell?


In what context did she tell you this?


----------



## TooNice

RD, what were the circumstances? How long was she with him? Did he push her before she was ready?


~Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

I agree with the others here... context is important.

If he pushed her into it, and that's why she regrets it, I'm not surprised that she tenses up when your hand goes up her leg past her knee.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

We weren't talking about any specific ex, just her feelings about sex in general. Doesn't sound like either of them pushed her or whatever but hell if I know, I know some guys tried but they werent her LT exs - and her relationship history with them are in years at a time.

I'm not going to wait past 6 months. 5 more months is a long time. If I was celibate I can go forever celibate but not now - now I'm back in the game. She has awaken needs and desires, and I'm becoming emotionally vulnerable, without the forfillment that comes with sex, and all the boundaries. Quite frankly, it seems like based on what she's shared with me so far I estimate her 'pre-determined' time to be near a year or more.

If that's the case, it's time to friend zone


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* fk it I'll give it 3 months, only bc of the boxes she ticked


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* fk it I'll give it 3 months, only bc of the boxes she ticked


You are being very generous. Im sorry. There is something wrong with her (Sexually oppressed).

I dont know. I say RED FLAG! RUN! BAD or NO SEX ahead!


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> We weren't talking about any specific ex, just her feelings about sex in general. Doesn't sound like either of them pushed her or whatever but hell if I know, I know some guys tried but they werent her LT exs - and her relationship history with them are in years at a time.
> 
> I'm not going to wait past 6 months. 5 more months is a long time. If I was celibate I can go forever celibate but not now - now I'm back in the game. She has awaken needs and desires, and I'm becoming emotionally vulnerable, without the forfillment that comes with sex, and all the boundaries. Quite frankly, it seems like based on what she's shared with me so far I estimate her 'pre-determined' time to be near a year or more.
> 
> If that's the case, it's time to friend zone


I gotta agree with bklyn on this one. She sounds sexually repressed. I don't think the two of you are going to be compatible, sexually.

It's one thing for a woman to say, I want to wait on the sex because I want to be sure about you.

It's a completely different thing for her to put it off because she doesn't like sex.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> We weren't talking about any specific ex, just her feelings about sex in general. Doesn't sound like either of them pushed her or whatever but hell if I know, I know some guys tried but they werent her LT exs - and her relationship history with them are in years at a time.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not going to wait past 6 months. 5 more months is a long time. If I was celibate I can go forever celibate but not now - now I'm back in the game. She has awaken needs and desires, and I'm becoming emotionally vulnerable, without the forfillment that comes with sex, and all the boundaries. Quite frankly, it seems like based on what she's shared with me so far I estimate her 'pre-determined' time to be near a year or more.
> 
> 
> 
> If that's the case, it's time to friend zone



How often do you guys talk about deep things? "Doesn't sound like either of them pushed her" she told you that they didn't push her? Did you ask her why she regret having sex with her exes? 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

From what I've gathered she does enjoy sex, but regrets that it had to be with her exs, during teasing she has admitted she enjoys the way I touch her, even though she rebukes my hands going too far. So I don't know.

All she could just be pouring honey in my ears, leading me on... I don't know what to think.

I give up trying to figure her out tonight... bah!


----------



## tripad

Maybe not sexually repressed .

I love sex . but at this point , after a nasty divorce , I would hold off sex if there's a man as I would not want sex to confuse my judgement . I put 6-12 months to the wait . But who knows . I might cave if he's is hot . n I am too .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> From what I've gathered she does enjoy sex, but regrets that it had to be with her exs, during teasing she has admitted she enjoys the way I touch her, even though she rebukes my hands going too far. So I don't know.
> 
> All she could just be pouring honey in my ears, leading me on... I don't know what to think.
> 
> I give up trying to figure her out tonight... bah!


Oh... she's a romantic, and thinks that sex should be with her one true one-and-only.

She regrets having sex with the previous ex-BFs because both times, she thought he was the one... and then he wasn't.

So she won't sleep with you until she decides that you're "the one," except that she's had two previous who she thought was "the one" and so now she's a little more skeptical about the one-ness, but she is still clinging to the fairytale of, I can't sleep with him unless he's "the one."


----------



## RandomDude

:banghead:



worst part of this is that im losing sleep
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Oh... she's a romantic, and thinks that sex should be with her one true one-and-only.
> 
> She regrets having sex with the previous ex-BFs because both times, she thought he was the one... and then he wasn't.
> 
> So she won't sleep with you until she decides that you're "the one," except that she's had two previous who she thought was "the one" and so now she's a little more skeptical about the one-ness, but she is still clinging to the fairytale of, I can't sleep with him unless he's "the one."


Game playing. No man is going to wait 6 months for a princess to decide if he is worthy of her. You may not be in the end. Especially since in the beginning is the time you crave that new person the most. She is damaged in her thinking. RUN!


----------



## foolscotton3

I've had plenty of girlfriends that didn't put out. They all wanted that ring thing....

RD, your already on the fence. Mark your calendar for 3 months, if you don't hit it by then drop her on the double. Set a date, and vet some sleep.


----------



## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> I*'ve had plenty of girlfriends that didn't put out. They all wanted that ring thing....*
> 
> RD, your already on the fence. Mark your calendar for 3 months, if you don't hit it by then drop her on the double. Set a date, and vet some sleep.


Covert contracts to the nth degree.

She should just come out and say that she wants to wait until marriage. She should have done so already. Then at least she would be honest with you.

Right now she's playing games.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

And THAT is why I say we shouldn't put the V on a pedestal. Women taught to worship how special it is to "give" someone and men taught to see it as a "goal" to reach is part of what screws up current sexual perception. They are body parts meant to bring pleasure and procreate. My V isn't any more special than anyone else's. WHO I AM is special and unique. Just as who I may want to have sex with. But take the p**** off the pedestal. Ruins too many marriages by making sex sacred.


----------



## 2&out

It's already obvious who's wearing the pants and controlling/manipulating this "relationship". Some guys like being beta slave servants happy with a scrap of hope offered once in a while (gag) so maybe it'll be just fine RD. Go back and re-read your last few weeks of posts - do they reflect what kind of MAN you feel you are and want to be ? Are you comfortable with that picture ? If so great - different strokes for different folks.

If you were married to this I think you'd be getting advise to do the 180.


----------



## foolscotton3

I can understand steps being taken to get to sex. Many women want to hear that 4 letter word before offering up the most physically intimate part of themselves.


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> :banghead:
> 
> 
> 
> worst part of this is that im losing sleep
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's no good. Something is definitely not "right". 

Two things come to mind, 1.) FIP's idea that she wants sex to be with her 'one'. Could be 2.)She was 'pressured' into sex at a young age. Maybe CSA, or just mind****ed by a prior BF into doing something against her normal moral/ethics. 

There are probably other possibilities, but to me they point to some underlying unresolved issues regarding sex. Might as well start probing to figure out what they are. She may freak out and run. Some hurts are deep enough people don't want to face them. Or she fears you'll find it so awful you won't want her.

In any case, you'll have to decide if she is worth working through it with her before tearing down any walls she has put up. Don't go dismantling her coping mechanisms if you are going to run.


----------



## foolscotton3

Could be the last 2 guys got what they wanted and treated her like chit.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> Oh... she's a romantic, and thinks that sex should be with her one true one-and-only.
> 
> She regrets having sex with the previous ex-BFs because both times, she thought he was the one... and then he wasn't.
> 
> So she won't sleep with you until she decides that you're "the one," except that she's had two previous who she thought was "the one" and so now she's a little more skeptical about the one-ness, but she is still clinging to the fairytale of, I can't sleep with him unless he's "the one."


Where's that post I wrote ages ago about my test drive philosophy of sex that fits perfectly...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...g-no-commitment-without-sex.html#post12438434


----------



## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> I can understand steps being taken to get to sex. Many women want to hear that 4 letter word before offering up the most physically intimate part of themselves.


Well looks like miss pony and I r heading for n impasse. I cant let go until after sex, so i cant fall in love. At the same time she cant put out until shes certain we r in love so we're fked
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

You guys/gals are making me feel so much better about serious-dating sex. 
Sorry about your situation RD, it seems that she lacks insight into your side of the equation.
But maybe be a little bit more patient, since it's only been something short of 2 months and you didn't know her before, just approached her on the street, right? It may be that she has concerns about having been with someone else, and then so easily dissuaded away from that relationship, and wondering if it's her good decision making capacity, or that she is just a twit. I short, it may not be about you, it may not be patently about sex and love. It may be that she is taking some time to figure out just what the h*ll happened to her life, and how it happened. People constantly get surprised by themselves...and not everyone knows their own mind as much as you...think you do ;-) Just because YOU know yourself, doesn't mean she can see how things are for you, you are not as transparent to others as you think you are! And conversely, you may think you can see her as clearly as you see yourself, or you can see how her decisions are 'wrong' at the moment, but can you really know that? 

In any case, your black and white thinking about your impasse is based on conjecture, without really talking to her about anything. 
Instead of focusing on how she's acting now, start talking to her about her ideal relationship with a life-long partner, how that might look for her. Have you discussed your past issues (sexually speaking) with her? Or just kept them to yourself? Tit for tat.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Where's that post I wrote ages ago about my test drive philosophy of sex that fits perfectly...
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...g-no-commitment-without-sex.html#post12438434


I'm definitely the second time, as classified in your post-from-another-thread.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah, that's why I can't leave her, at least not yet. She's worth some time, some risk. 

True I only see what she is allowing me to see, maybe if I can be transparent with her, she'll open up, but most importantly, I have to keep my word, and not push her.

With what she's showed me of herself thus far, so far I have never picked up contradicting information from her (which reveals lies), nor the hesitation behind her words or actions (which reveals omissions), she triggers no bad feelings in that regard, at least not yet. 

It is... a curious thing. I'll wait, for now.


----------



## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In any case, your black and white thinking about your impasse is based on conjecture, without really talking to her about anything.
> Instead of focusing on how she's acting now, start talking to her about her ideal relationship with a life-long partner, how that might look for her. Have you discussed your past issues (sexually speaking) with her? Or just kept them to yourself? Tit for tat.


THIS. 

Talk to her RD. Have an honest adult conversation with her about what she is expecting in a relationship and what you expect. If it's not going to work end it then.

QUIT ASSUMING!!!!


----------



## bkyln309

vi_bride04 said:


> THIS.
> 
> Talk to her RD. Have an honest adult conversation with her about what she is expecting in a relationship and what you expect. If it's not going to work end it then.
> 
> QUIT ASSUMING!!!!


RD: This talk to her. Tell her you need the sex. Put up or shut up! No more excuses from her. If she cant see herself having sex, move on. Life is too short. Besides, the sex might not be good. Time to find out if there is compatibility there as well.

I felt this way in my younger days. Now I am older, this is all silliness. Have sex or dont. But no more games. Find out from her WHEN she is going to bless you with her physical self.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bkyln309 said:


> RD: This talk to her. Tell her you need the sex. Put up or shut up! No more excuses from her. If she cant see herself having sex, move on. Life is too short. Besides, the sex might not be good. Time to find out if there is compatibility there as well.
> 
> I felt this way in my younger days. Now I am older, this is all silliness. Have sex or dont. But no more games. Find out from her WHEN she is going to bless you with her physical self.


I would disagree with this. I LOVE sex but since I know about how having sex too early in a relationship can cause problems and also cloud thinking, I might also not indulge in someone I considered long-term potential. Short term or no potential, I don't really care, if I have the hots for someone and it's throw-away sex, then traditionally in my past, no problem!

If any guy I like gives me an ultimatum after just a few weeks of dating, about sex, probably I would stop liking that guy and think, wow, not even a serious discussion about this, he has no patience at all and isn't interested in how we might fit together (in both senses), so at that point it would be, no thanks, I can do better. I'll find someone who can have conversations instead of worrying about figuring out whether he's going to care about me by how I feel about the way he touches my upper leg :-|


----------



## bkyln309

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I would disagree with this. I LOVE sex but since I know about how having sex too early in a relationship can cause problems and also cloud thinking, I might also not indulge in someone I considered long-term potential. Short term or no potential, I don't really care, if I have the hots for someone and it's throw-away sex, then traditionally in my past, no problem!
> 
> If any guy I like gives me an ultimatum after just a few weeks of dating, about sex, probably I would stop liking that guy and think, wow, not even a serious discussion about this, he has no patience at all and isn't interested in how we might fit together (in both senses), so at that point it would be, no thanks, I can do better. I'll find someone who can have conversations instead of worrying about figuring out whether he's going to care about me by how I feel about the way he touches my upper leg :-|


In two months if you dont know if you want to sleep with them, you have a problem (most likely a sexual one). Life is too short to have to deal with someone who has major issues around their sexuality. they are both adults. They should be able to be upfront about sexual expectations. If she cant verbalize her standing on it, she shouldnt be in a relationship. Its called communicating and expectations. In two months, you should know enough of the person to know if they have potential. Again if you are undecided after two months, its most likely a no go anyway. 

What I dont like about this girl is in two months - RD can touch her lower thigh. In three months, her upper thigh. Six months, he can touch her privates??? I mean if she is saving her precious V then why is she allowing him to touch her at all? This is the silly games women play that I hate (I am a woman and I refuse to do that). Bang them or dont. But if its a dont, then dont tease the man. Keep your hands to yourself.


----------



## foolscotton3

@RandomDude

_"Twisting and turning
Your feelings are burning
You're breaking the girl"_

"She meant you no harm"

_"Think you're so clever
But now you must sever
You're breaking the girl"_

"He loves no one else"


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony is a country girl, as such I will have to agree on homemaker for this one, at least for now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

bkyln309 said:


> In two months if you dont know if you want to sleep with them, you have a problem (most likely a sexual one).
> 
> .



I'll NEVER sleep with a man I've only known for 2 months. I don't have a [sexual] problem. 

Some people can have sex with any man while others don't do it with everyone. Neither of them are weird or have problems. 

You're making quite an assumption. Do you have anything to back up your claim? 

I mean I enjoy giving bj and I'm pretty creative when it comes to sex YET you're telling me that I must have a sexual problem cause I don't f with someone I barely know? 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Miss Independent

bkyln309 said:


> What I dont like about this girl is in two months - RD can touch her lower thigh. In three months, her upper thigh. Six months, he can touch her privates??? I mean if she is saving her precious V then why is she allowing him to touch her at all? This is the silly games women play that I hate (I am a woman and I refuse to do that). Bang them or dont. But if its a dont, then dont tease the man. Keep your hands to yourself.



It's funny that you're saying that she shouldn't allow him to touch her--correct me if I'm wrong-- however I'm sure that TAM members and maybe you as well would be the first to scream that she's not attracted to him because she's not allowing him to touch her.


Geez, you can't win when you're different and being yourself. 

RD, if you want the relationship to work, you're going to have to talk to HER. We can all just assume based on our experiences but we don't know her, so you're the only who can find out what's on her mind. 

People keep focusing on physical intimacy. What about emotional intimacy? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

Hi guys, 

Back from my trip. Had a great time with an ex gf of mine (more on that later). 

Saw marketing girl's friend today and asked about her. She told me the number on yet business card is her personal number. Her company pays for her phone (cool deal). 

Anyway texted her I had seen her friend and asked about her. And asked how she's doing. 2 hrs later I get this: 

Hi script! Yes, (friends name) told me she saw you today. She also told me that you may be coming to our dinner? I'm doing great. 

There's this dinner they are hosting. Am I wrong in thinking she's going for the business angle here more than any personal interest? I can't make the dinner because I have my son that day. It's next week. Plus that wouldn't be a good environment to interact with her. I rather ask her out 1 on 1.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> Back from my trip. Had a great time with an ex gf of mine (more on that later).
> 
> Saw marketing girl's friend today and asked about her. She told me the number on yet business card is her personal number. Her company pays for her phone (cool deal).
> 
> Anyway texted her I had seen her friend and asked about her. And asked how she's doing. 2 hrs later I get this:
> 
> Hi script! Yes, (friends name) told me she saw you today. She also told me that you may be coming to our dinner? I'm doing great.
> 
> There's this dinner they are hosting. Am I wrong in thinking she's going for the business angle here more than any personal interest? I can't make the dinner because I have my son that day. It's next week. Plus that wouldn't be a good environment to interact with her. I rather ask her out 1 on 1.


I thought you found out marketing girl had a BF. Or was that someone else here?


----------



## FeministInPink

spinsterdurga said:


> It's funny that you're saying that she shouldn't allow him to touch her--correct me if I'm wrong-- however I'm sure that TAM members and maybe you as well would be the first to scream that she's not attracted to him because she's not allowing him to touch her.
> 
> 
> Geez, you can't win when you're different and being yourself.
> 
> RD, if you want the relationship to work, you're going to have to talk to HER. We can all just assume based on our experiences but we don't know her, so you're the only who can find out what's on her mind.
> 
> People keep focusing on physical intimacy. What about emotional intimacy?


From what I've heard, physical intimacy is necessary for emotional intimacy.

I'll let the men here take that and bat it around.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> I thought you found out marketing girl had a BF. Or was that someone else here?


Not this one. After I emailed her I never heard from her until now.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Not this one. After I emailed her I never heard from her until now.


Thanks for the clarification.

It might be networking on her part. So, you emailed her before you left, she never responded, and now you're back, and you texted her after speaking with her friend? And her response was a little bland.

I wouldn't pursue it any further, unless she expresses clear interest.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks for the clarification.
> 
> It might be networking on her part. So, you emailed her before you left, she never responded, and now you're back, and you texted her after speaking with her friend? And her response was a little bland.
> 
> I wouldn't pursue it any further, unless she expresses clear interest.


We've exchanged texts since then. She seems cool and is asking me questions which is a good sign. I asked if she's single but she hasn't responded. I should have just invited her out and she would let me know if she taken. 

Have a date tomorrow with a girl from my social circle. I've had her # for some time but never asked her out. Decided to give it a try. I'll post how it goes after.


----------



## RandomDude

Sheez, a mate told me of one of his mates who's getting action from different girls every week and even takes videos of it to show everyone - heck he even goes to them during his sex videos "smile for the boys" lol... and THEY DO WTF?!

... and I'm sitting here celibate


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Sheez, a mate told me of one of his mates who's getting action from different girls every week and even takes videos of it to show everyone - heck he even goes to them during his sex videos "smile for the boys" lol... and THEY DO WTF?!
> 
> ... and I'm sitting here celibate


Wow, you're bummed because you're not a sleazebag?? Sheesh, RD....


----------



## RandomDude

I'm jealous OF a sleazebag


----------



## vi_bride04

Jealous?? It doesn't bother you he's treating these women like nothing but extras in a porn? 

I don't think that's a situation to be jealous of, RD unless you are looking for the type of women who are willing to do that with random guys.


----------



## RandomDude

Why would it bother me when the women are responsible for putting themselves in that situation in the first place? Not to mention he's not hiding the fact that he's video taping them at all. They are getting fked, videotaped and loving being treated like extras in porn.

Yet at the same time I'm getting headaches from a woman who won't put out, so of course I'm jealous! Feels like I either just have no game anymore or that he's just that much better than me to be able to get away with what he's doing. Sure I know that I wouldn't want his lifestyle or to touch the women he's with, but I am still jealous and pissed off someone like him has a massive smile on his face while I'm pulling my hair out trying to figure out current GF.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> I'm jealous OF a sleazebag


RD, the're *****s, it's not that hard to figure out. With your disposable income you could be doing the same. I get propositioned by at least 2 per week on tinder.


----------



## RandomDude

That's what I'm trying to remind myself so I won't feel so bad about it, still I think I made promises I'm having difficulties keeping with miss pony, I thought I could hold out, hell I held out for a year, but now with my hormones switched back on I'm going nuts. 

Everyone is fking all around me and I'm still a wanker, unsure whether GF is even sexually attracted or if I'm just being led on like a fool. All the honey she's pouring in my ears is starting to feel very empty and tasteless, I don't know how long I can keep it up, assuring her falsely that I'm cool with waiting.

Confronting her and talking to her about it may end everything, she'll probably back off and go "I knew it, he's after only one thing"... bah!


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Confronting her and talking to her about it may end everything, she'll probably back off and go "I knew it, he's after only one thing"... bah!


Well, if that happens, you know you're not compatible because YOU know that's not true.


----------



## RandomDude

Sure and that might make me feel better but will leave me forever in regret that I failed in my approach when I could have convinced her otherwise with a bit more tact - tact that I'm currently trying to figure out - in other words, the right approach in all this.

How to share my concerns with her at all whilst having dug myself into such a position?

I've dug my own grave in this little romance!


----------



## vi_bride04

You always dig your own grave


----------



## RandomDude

Hell... something is wrong with me, even when I first met her I was ready to just not even call her, I always found excuses to be upfront about potential issues and get it over with impatiently, not caring if I ended up with her or not. Now I'm hesitant, cautious, afraid to lose. 

If I didn't screw up so badly on our first few dates I doubt I would find myself in this position, but then again, she would never have been able to gain my confidence.

... starting to feel as if the problem I'm having is that I'm actually, starting to like her a little more than I should at this stage, but without sex I'm in a constant battle with myself because I refuse to let go until I know we are compatible in all angles. Bah!

Hell how does this even SOUND to you ladies? Like, if you heard a line like that - you probably heard it a hundred times over and why would you even believe it? Besides isn't it such a lame excuse? Wouldn't you or your gut feelings, assume the worse of me, and maybe even hear my words as if they were a confirmation of your fears?


----------



## bkyln309

spinsterdurga said:


> I'll NEVER sleep with a man I've only known for 2 months. I don't have a [sexual] problem.
> 
> Some people can have sex with any man while others don't do it with everyone. Neither of them are weird or have problems.
> 
> You're making quite an assumption. Do you have anything to back up your claim?
> 
> I mean I enjoy giving bj and I'm pretty creative when it comes to sex YET you're telling me that I must have a sexual problem cause I don't f with someone I barely know?
> 
> Oral sex is sex. Physical intimacy is an expression of emotional intimacy. They are tied together.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Hell how does this even SOUND to you ladies? Like, if you heard a line like that - you probably heard it a hundred times over and why would you even believe it? Besides isn't it such a lame excuse? Wouldn't you or your gut feelings, assume the worse of me, and maybe even hear my words as if they were a confirmation of your fears?


No, I wouldn't disbelieve you. I wouldn't compromise my own wants/needs/beliefs to accommodate yours, but I would not disbelieve you or think less of you.


----------



## RandomDude

SecondTime'Round said:


> No, I wouldn't disbelieve you. I wouldn't compromise my own wants/needs/beliefs to accommodate yours, but I would not disbelieve you or think less of you.


Lol really? Especially with the way I presented it to this forum? lol 
*cringe* I sure as hell wouldn't!

I do not have the words that I am confident to use to ensure the best case scenario. I am rusty, frustrated, stressed, and all under the deep fog of infactuation. 

So I ask this - how would like to be approached about this, if you were in her shoes?

REMINDER: I DID foolishly assure her in my patience


----------



## RandomDude

And even in the best case scenario, it's identifying a problem without a solution. I prefer to present problems and solutions together, or not present at all!
How could she not think less of me? Even if she doesn't want to?

Maybe even not immediately but over time, instead of slowly melting the ice I would be slowly making even more ice; tension, pressure, that I will subject her to by admitting my concerns.

*sigh* well, not like I have any better ideas...


----------



## ne9907

RD
Miss Pony is a rare creature that you have never encountered before, which is the reason her behavior is driving you crazy. A woman who wishes to wait to have sex until she knows someone better is normal. Your Miss Pony is normal. Continue pursuing her only if you want more out of the relationship than sex. 

I feel she wants you for keeps, as in marriage material. How old is she?


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> I don't know how long I can keep it up, assuring her falsely that I'm cool with waiting.
> 
> 
> 
> Confronting her and talking to her about it may end everything, she'll probably back off and go "I knew it, he's after only one thing"... bah!



Dude, you need to come clean with her. You are tortured and she has no idea. But she has no idea because you are hiding it. 

If she is half as smart as you've painted her, she probably senses the disconnect. 

You don't have to "pressure her", but at least be honest that it's torment for you. That you have a high drive, but because you respect her you are holding back. Find out what her "goal" is. 

You may find she wants to wait till marriage, or a year or that she is low drive and you'll never have frequent sex, or that she is really a dude. 

At least you can make an informed choice. And she can too. You have a high drive, you will want frequent sex once she is ready. She has to be down for that or you'll both get frustrated. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

She's young, mid-twenties, also why I don't trust her to understand. True that she has proven smarter than expected despite her 'colorful' manner and etiquette, but not this smart (not due to capability but due to experience)... I dunno, I just fear being misunderstood for this.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh... ok I'm going to do it, what the hell, no way around it now

Dug myself into a hole but maybe if I keep digging I'll end up in the other side of the world!


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> fear



Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering.
- Yoda

But seriously, don't fear it, embrace it as an opportunity for emotional intimacy. If she doesn't get it, she doesn't understand you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> Yeah, ummm, again. Agree to disagree. That sounds like a woman who is going to be difficult and full of drama.
> 
> Setting rules like that will be received ok by a guy without other options typically (though not really happily even if he seems it), and one who does will consider it playing games.
> 
> I could see it in RD's girl because she seems young but the women I date are around 40 usually and if they have already decided they want to sleep with me, as long as I don't basically talk them out of it, they will.
> 
> If you're mandatory waiting period is 3 dates (in your mind) that is to be expected anyway because I would not expect you to sleep with someone you don't really know (if you are 'dating' people with the intention of getting to know them rather than just looking for sex).
> 
> In any case, this is definitely a 'rule'. Don't text or call right away. Don't be the first one to say you enjoyed the date. Don't text her more than 2x in a row without a text back.
> 
> RD appears to have one where it is the woman's job to text him after a date to tell him how much she enjoyed it. Games.


hmmmm...RD-- looks like we have been discussing this for at least four weeks now and...has anything changed?


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> Thanks for the clarification.
> 
> It might be networking on her part. So, you emailed her before you left, she never responded, and now you're back, and you texted her after speaking with her friend? And her response was a little bland.
> 
> I wouldn't pursue it any further, unless she expresses clear interest.


Agreed. She KNOWS your interest level...I would back off until she makes it clear she wants to get to know YOU, not make some sort of business deal.


----------



## Miss Independent

What does oral sex being sex have to do with what I wrote?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Meh... ok I'm going to do it, what the hell, no way around it now
> 
> Dug myself into a hole but maybe if I keep digging I'll end up in the other side of the world!


Listen man, do yourself a favor and watch some of Corey Wayne's youtube.com videos. 

I know some of it has a PUA feel to it but it may give you some insight regarding what SHE is thinking and how you can connect with her better. 

Bottom line is you are not getting what you need out of the situation-- you seem a bit miserable. She may or may not be ok but if it is not working for either one, it really is not working. 

I think you need the perspective of an online life coach (said w/ tongue in cheek, but at the same time I am serious...)


----------



## vi_bride04

The only hole you keep digging is the assumption pit. You are miserable due to things you don't even know the facts on and yet, seem to not want to upset miss pony in any way, shape or form by voicing what you need.

Why are you putting her happiness over your own? You seem to do that alot... Not want to rock the boat even if you are 200% miserable.

And I am not referring to just miss pony


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Hell... something is wrong with me, even when I first met her I was ready to just not even call her, I always found excuses to be upfront about potential issues and get it over with impatiently, not caring if I ended up with her or not. Now I'm hesitant, cautious, afraid to lose.
> 
> If I didn't screw up so badly on our first few dates I doubt I would find myself in this position, but then again, she would never have been able to gain my confidence.
> 
> ... starting to feel as if the problem I'm having is that I'm actually, starting to like her a little more than I should at this stage, but without sex I'm in a constant battle with myself because I refuse to let go until I know we are compatible in all angles. Bah!
> 
> Hell how does this even SOUND to you ladies? Like, if you heard a line like that - you probably heard it a hundred times over and why would you even believe it? Besides isn't it such a lame excuse? Wouldn't you or your gut feelings, assume the worse of me, and maybe even hear my words as if they were a confirmation of your fears?


RD, there are books you can read that will help you through this period of abstaining. It might also help you respect her choice to wait, and give you something to look forward to (other than the demise of your relationship)

Once you nail her, then what...
Your thinking too much and not actually thinking it through. What happens after you get some point?

Trust me, if she is holding you back, she has been thinking this through. Maybe she respects herself and her choices reflect that. If that is too much for you to handle, let her go, there are more than enough one nighters to keep you from regretting pony tail.


----------



## Lifescript

My date for tonight canceled. Supposedly she had to go to the dentist and has a broken tooth. I'm thinking BS. 

Wished her a fast recovery. 

If she's interested she will let me know when she's well and can go out.


----------



## philreag

Drinking Malbec, eating cookies, alone on the boat. Life is good.


----------



## vi_bride04

philreag said:


> Drinking Malbec, eating cookies, alone on the boat. Life is good.


Malbec is my fave red right now mmmmmm


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> Hell... something is wrong with me, even when I first met her I was ready to just not even call her, I always found excuses to be upfront about potential issues and get it over with impatiently, not caring if I ended up with her or not. Now I'm hesitant, cautious, afraid to lose.
> 
> If I didn't screw up so badly on our first few dates I doubt I would find myself in this position, but then again, she would never have been able to gain my confidence.
> 
> ... starting to feel as if the problem I'm having is that I'm actually, starting to like her a little more than I should at this stage, but without sex I'm in a constant battle with myself because I refuse to let go until I know we are compatible in all angles. Bah!
> 
> Hell how does this even SOUND to you ladies? Like, if you heard a line like that - you probably heard it a hundred times over and why would you even believe it? Besides isn't it such a lame excuse? Wouldn't you or your gut feelings, assume the worse of me, and maybe even hear my words as if they were a confirmation of your fears?


I don't understand why you don't just talk openly with her about sex. Just tell her you're the kind of person who needs to have sex frequently, and needs to have sex BEFORE falling in love. The fact that she seems to need to fall in love BEFORE having sex, and seems fine with long dry periods which are torturing you, makes you wonder if you would be sexually incompatible in the long run. Tell her you don't want either of you to get hurt finding that out later, so how about talking about it now, before that happens?

Explain the car test drive analogy to her, and ask if she thinks it's accurate, and which type she is.

Because to me, she pretty clearly seems to be leaning towards the love first then sex type, which we know you aren't. Pretending you are for a while so she'll fall in love and give the sex so you can figure out if you really do love her or not isn't doing either of you any good.

Communication. If you don't have it, you can't have a good relationship.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I don't understand why you don't just talk openly with her about sex. Just tell her you're the kind of person who needs to have sex frequently, and needs to have sex BEFORE falling in love. The fact that she seems to need to fall in love BEFORE having sex, and seems fine with long dry periods which are torturing you, makes you wonder if you would be sexually incompatible in the long run. Tell her you don't want either of you to get hurt finding that out later, so how about talking about it now, before that happens?
> 
> Explain the car test drive analogy to her, and ask if she thinks it's accurate, and which type she is.
> 
> Because to me, she pretty clearly seems to be leaning towards the love first then sex type, which we know you aren't. Pretending you are for a while so she'll fall in love and give the sex so you can figure out if you really do love her or not isn't doing either of you any good.
> 
> Communication. If you don't have it, you can't have a good relationship.


Best advice on RD's sitch. I second this motion.


----------



## RandomDude

I see only the beginning of the end, no matter which option I take, acting on the advise that has been given is nothing less than sabotage, but it is the right thing to do, but may result in cut contact when I actually want her to keep her around as a friend if not a lover.

Meh, might just FZ her next time I see her. I'm hardened again now, so it's going to be nothing new to me.


----------



## *Deidre*

Might be too soon to tell, but...if you are not happy, for whatever the reason, that is how you can tell you're not with the 'right' person. Although, if you place an unreasonable importance on sex in a relationship, you may run across this with any woman who doesn't 'give' you sex early on.  If you have only known her a month or two, that might not be enough time for her. My fiance and I didn't have sex for three months, when we began dating. If at the one month or two month mark, he started to pressure me or make me feel 'bad' for not wanting sex, we might not be together. So, it all depends on what you want out of life, and so on. If you want an easy lay...there are tons of women who will provide that for you. But, if you want a woman who is marriage material, AND an easy lay...those two usually don't go together.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> My date for tonight canceled. Supposedly she had to go to the dentist and has a broken tooth. I'm thinking BS.
> 
> Wished her a fast recovery.
> 
> If she's interested she will let me know when she's well and can go out.


Had this happen to me last week, though I didn't consider it a 'date'; met her online and asked to meet in person. We set a time and a few hours before she sent me a text stating that she had to shop with her daughter b/c the clothes she ordered for her for spring break 'didn't work'. I said thanks for letting me know and nothing else, if she wants to meet she can reach out. 

Funny thing is, this gal and I used to work in the same office for about 6 months in a city about 700 miles away. We didn't ever meet then but know a ton of people (still back in that city) that we both worked with over the years. We had set the meeting (coffee shop) about 5 days in advance and no communication in those days until she texted me to cancel.


----------



## MRR

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I don't understand why you don't just talk openly with her about sex. Just tell her you're the kind of person who needs to have sex frequently, and needs to have sex BEFORE falling in love. The fact that she seems to need to fall in love BEFORE having sex, and seems fine with long dry periods which are torturing you, makes you wonder if you would be sexually incompatible in the long run. Tell her you don't want either of you to get hurt finding that out later, so how about talking about it now, before that happens?
> 
> Explain the car test drive analogy to her, and ask if she thinks it's accurate, and which type she is.
> 
> Because to me, she pretty clearly seems to be leaning towards the love first then sex type, which we know you aren't. Pretending you are for a while so she'll fall in love and give the sex so you can figure out if you really do love her or not isn't doing either of you any good.
> 
> Communication. If you don't have it, you can't have a good relationship.


Im not sure the car test drive analogy is a good idea. Communication is one thing but women do not tend to communicate through 'logic' like men do. 

"From a woman’s point of view, the way women process information and feelings makes perfect sense. To men, it’s like an alien language. These processes are just very different from each other. They have the potential of being complementary and supportive of each other, which starts with understanding. “When it comes to information about relationships, women can run rings around most men. They understand thousands of facets and dimensions of relationships, and consider them all at the same time, including all the nuances of personal and interpersonal relationships, expectations of social and interpersonal decorum, etc. And this ability is built right into their energetic DNA. It’s the world they live in.”

The Secret Life of Women: How Men Can Finally Understand Female Emotions -

Simple google search will come up with countless articles about the differences in communication styles and reasons for them-- they all pretty much say the same thing. So IMO, communication = good only IF you understand what is being communicated. If RD tries some analogy and doesn't understand the way she hears it, he is going to be even more baffled if she reacts defensively or in some other less than positive way.


----------



## foolscotton3

I would place the conversation in the contents of getting to know her. Allow her to explain her reasoning and act intrigued and supportive. She might actually enjoy letting you into the deeper parts of her core being, and then some 

For all you know she could be on the 90 day rule.


----------



## ne9907

I have been getting several more messages from ex husband. I am beginning to fear for my life... weird as it sounds, even though I know he is a coward. I do not want to reply to him because that is what he wants. I also do not know why he is messaging, he wants something I know.

Here is his latest.

"If it gives you any satisfaction in life, i have been miserable since you left; a am sure you are giggling away at that. But i want you to know that."

I do not giggle, I feel nervous, and just scared.

EDIT: He is also 1100 miles away from me.


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> Had this happen to me last week, though I didn't consider it a 'date'; met her online and asked to meet in person. We set a time and a few hours before she sent me a text stating that she had to shop with her daughter b/c the clothes she ordered for her for spring break 'didn't work'. I said thanks for letting me know and nothing else, if she wants to meet she can reach out.
> 
> Funny thing is, this gal and I used to work in the same office for about 6 months in a city about 700 miles away. We didn't ever meet then but know a ton of people (still back in that city) that we both worked with over the years. We had set the meeting (coffee shop) about 5 days in advance and no communication in those days until she texted me to cancel.


I also didn't text her for like 2 days after I set the date. I didn't think she would cancel though. Bottom line is this is how you find out if they are into you or not. 

With this girl I sense she's a little insecure and maybe she is shy and was feeling anxious. Ball is on her court now. 

Asked marketing girl out but made the mistake of giving her Monday or Tuesday as options. She hasn't replied. I should have asked her out for next weekend.


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> Listen man, do yourself a favor and watch some of Corey Wayne's youtube.com videos.
> 
> I know some of it has a PUA feel to it but it may give you some insight regarding what SHE is thinking and how you can connect with her better.
> 
> Bottom line is you are not getting what you need out of the situation-- you seem a bit miserable. She may or may not be ok but if it is not working for either one, it really is not working.
> 
> I think you need the perspective of an online life coach (said w/ tongue in cheek, but at the same time I am serious...)


I'm a fan of Corey Wayne. I second this.


----------



## bkyln309

Honestly I think this is why relationships fail because women and men are afraid to communicate what they need. I would rather have a man say upfront what he wants than to try to read smoke signals. RD, honestly as a mature woman, I would prefer a man have a direct conversation with me telling me outright what his expectations and needs are. If we dont align, I can move on quickly. 

Yes women are more emotional but they also like a man who has a plan and knows what he wants.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I have been getting several more messages from ex husband. I am beginning to fear for my life... weird as it sounds, even though I know he is a coward. I do not want to reply to him because that is what he wants. I also do not know why he is messaging, he wants something I know.
> 
> Here is his latest.
> 
> "If it gives you any satisfaction in life, i have been miserable since you left; a am sure you are giggling away at that. But i want you to know that."
> 
> I do not giggle, I feel nervous, and just scared.
> 
> EDIT: He is also 1100 miles away from me.


Why are you scared, Ne? He only has power over you if you GIVE him power over you. Simply don't respond.

You can always block him, can't you?


----------



## RandomDude

I managed to buy myself some time by explaining my "distance" as weariness from stress and work. Regardless, there doesn't seem to be escaping it now, two options: Either confront her about it, or just be friends and buy ourselves some time to understand each other rather than an abrupt sexual discussion within the early stages of a relationship.

Meh... snooze time



ne9907 said:


> I have been getting several more messages from ex husband. I am beginning to fear for my life... weird as it sounds, even though I know he is a coward. I do not want to reply to him because that is what he wants. I also do not know why he is messaging, he wants something I know.
> 
> Here is his latest.
> 
> "If it gives you any satisfaction in life, i have been miserable since you left; a am sure you are giggling away at that. But i want you to know that."
> 
> I do not giggle, I feel nervous, and just scared.
> 
> EDIT: He is also 1100 miles away from me.


Don't know what to say ne, it's already an outrage that a pedo and molester is out on the streets instead of being cleaned out like trash ought to be.

How are you getting these messages? You need to disappear from that life


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Why are you scared, Ne? He only has power over you if you GIVE him power over you. Simply don't respond.
> 
> You can always block him, can't you?


I believe he is mentally unstable, or getting there. I have not responded to any of his attempts to contact me. I don't know why I am afraid but I am. Perhaps, it is PTSD, I don't know.

I am actually going to talk to legal and see if I can write an email stating that I want to further contact on his part. If he does, I will pursue cyber harassment.


----------



## RandomDude

How do you see such a thing as human?

Refering to your ex


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> I managed to buy myself some time by explaining my "distance" as weariness from stress and work. Regardless, there doesn't seem to be escaping it now, two options: Either confront her about it, or just be friends and buy ourselves some time to understand each other rather than an abrupt sexual discussion within the early stages of a relationship.
> 
> Meh... snooze time


Please consider educating yourself; people who have been through different situations/relationships and failed. Corey Wayne and Mark Manson both have a lot to offer. FIP actually quotes Manson in here subject line. His book is 'attracting women through honesty'. Corey Wayne, heck you can start watching videos right now, people email him in different situations and he talks about what is REALLY going on.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> Please consider educating yourself; people who have been through different situations/relationships and failed. Corey Wayne and Mark Manson both have a lot to offer. FIP actually quotes Manson in here subject line. His book is 'attracting women through honesty'. Corey Wayne, heck you can start watching videos right now, people email him in different situations and he talks about what is REALLY going on.


I'm actually quoting myself, when I was referencing Mark Manson. But I'm not going to quibble over that small discrepancy :grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I believe he is mentally unstable, or getting there. I have not responded to any of his attempts to contact me. I don't know why I am afraid but I am. Perhaps, it is PTSD, I don't know.
> 
> *I am actually going to talk to legal and see if I can write an email stating that I want to further contact on his part. If he does, I will pursue cyber harassment.*


I think this may be a good idea.

Don't delete anything he sends you.


----------



## RandomDude

Thanks but no thanks MRR, I'm not one to follow after mentors, especially not PUAs that I may have more than several disagreements with, I process information individually piece by piece and ultimately choose my own direction. Also why I prefer this forum for relationship advice, as information comes in varying opinions and perspectives, useful when one is emotionally compromised.

Regardless I've noted the opinions presented on this forum and will ultimately decide on the approach when next I see her, and when I'm ready for it.


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> I have been getting several more messages from ex husband. I am beginning to fear for my life... weird as it sounds, even though I know he is a coward. I do not want to reply to him because that is what he wants. I also do not know why he is messaging, he wants something I know.
> 
> Here is his latest.
> 
> "If it gives you any satisfaction in life, i have been miserable since you left; a am sure you are giggling away at that. But i want you to know that."
> 
> I do not giggle, I feel nervous, and just scared.
> 
> EDIT: He is also 1100 miles away from me.


I dated a narcissist before, and this is like text book stuff that they say and do. He shouldn't even be contacting you anymore, let alone to say bs like this. And what it really means is 'I have been miserable since you left because I have no one to control, or hurt now.' To accuse you of giggling is most likely what HE would do, if you were the one hurting. Go no contact. Block this guy at every avenue that he can reach you, unless you have kids together. But, I'd go no contact, and that means to not even be able to read his toxic garbage. It's amazing how text book narcissists are after someone breaks up with them.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I think this may be a good idea.
> 
> Don't delete anything he sends you.


Meh, I vote disappear, cut contact, change numbers, address. Just leave it all behind, start anew.

Unless ne feels that she's in a position where she may potentially aid in keeping subhumans like her ex behind bars or buried then by all means.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I have been getting several more messages from ex husband. I am beginning to fear for my life... weird as it sounds, even though I know he is a coward. I do not want to reply to him because that is what he wants. I also do not know why he is messaging, he wants something I know.
> 
> Here is his latest.
> 
> "If it gives you any satisfaction in life, i have been miserable since you left; a am sure you are giggling away at that. But i want you to know that."
> 
> I do not giggle, I feel nervous, and just scared.
> 
> EDIT: He is also 1100 miles away from me.


Ne, how is he contacting you? Email? Text? Social media? 

I agree with those who have suggested blocking him. I need to have some channels with my ex because of our son, but would cut all contact if I could. Is there a reason you haven't?


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Meh, I vote disappear, cut contact, change numbers, address. Just leave it all behind, start anew.
> 
> Unless ne feels that she's in a position where she may potentially aid in keeping subhumans like her ex behind bars or buried then by all means.


He always finds me. I am almost 100% sure it was him who found me on OKC the last time I was on. He pretended to be someone else and send me messages. I am talking to legal today or Monday at the latest. I am going through my work first, if they cant help me I will seek another aid. 
Deidre is right, he is a narcissists. His behavior should not affect me, but it does, it unnerves me... It makes me extremely nervous and anxious... It takes me back to being with him... and just makes my skin crawl and I become extremely fearful of him.




TooNice said:


> Ne, how is he contacting you? Email? Text? Social media?
> 
> I agree with those who have suggested blocking him. I need to have some channels with my ex because of our son, but would cut all contact if I could. Is there a reason you haven't?


Social media, phone, and email. He sends me a message on social media, and blocks me, rinse and repeat. 
He used my email address to open a paypal account... this is an email Ive had since 1998... 
I don't have his number, he calls me under UNKNOWN... he has left two messages. 
His emails are hateful and loving and hateful.

I will handle the situation and not let him control me anymore. I am also fearful for my niece... Last year he sent her a very nasty manipulating email... ugh... it was awful... She is not as smart as most, she might fall for his crap... that also scares me.

Ok... the following is graphic DO NOT read it if you are afraid of triggering. This is the email he sent my niece (his victim) back in September.

"There are so many things i have want ed to say to you, but i havent known how, or if you even wanted to ever hear me. In truth, your opinion is the only opinion that really matters to me, the woman who completely defined what love is in a single moment with me, and i believe truly that you know what i mean. I dont know what you think of me, if you hate me, afraid of me, or angry with me or what?. I only know that i could not live with and be with the woman who i completely fell in love with the most in this world in my lifetime, which although has a been a great pain for me, but in no way in comparision to the pain i caused you. They say when you experience love, it completely changes everything. you changed everything for me. You completely defined the meaning of love for me so that i truly understood love. Now Ne, im sure has probably told you of all the different affairs during our marriage, but what she wont tell you, cause she really didnt know, that i was looking for anything even remotly close to the love of what i felt for you, so strong that it completely shook me to my inner core, that completely transformed me to another place. Ive tried getting by since with a bad lie, living on in my lie of a life, and that life crumbled around me, as it should. I want you to know from me, that in no way, shape or form should you ever carry any guilt, shame, or fear for me or of me. It was all on me, and I should of known better, but i didnt know any better. I followed my heart avoiding all the dangers, so for that it is my burden to bear. I am so so very sorry for any and all pain i caused you and know i dont deserve any sense of forgiveness from you. No amount of apologies will ever make right were i failed. I do want to protect you, i really do, but i dont know how. I only really want you to never settle for anything less than honust genuine real love that you feel for another, cause trust me when i tell you, it is complete misery once you've felt it, to have to go without it. I really hope that this message has not brought you any further pain, or discomfort cause that is the last thing i ever want is to ever hurt you. I am completely open to talk to you about anything, if you can ever trust me enough, to even ever talk to me."

This is the basket case I married. I feel sick every time I remember. I was so stupid and blind.


----------



## TooNice

Yikes, ne.

I'm glad you are talking to legal. You need to be free of him.


~Just breathe.


----------



## TooNice

I've mentioned on here before my own struggles with understanding dating, relationships and sex in today's society. I just have to say that recent conversations have done nothing to help clear things up-lol! 

I have not returned to online dating, and I have been shutting down any connections that are clearly not relationship material. I have no idea how or when I will meet someone next. Or have physical contact. The thought of meeting a nice man I am attracted to and waiting to have sex sounds daunting. We are "supposed" to hold off to show that we respect ourselves. But yet we push down the really nice physical feelings in the meantime, and lead to things like RD's conversations here. 

Mixed messages... everywhere we turn. If we could collectively figure this out, we could have a best seller on our hands!


~Just breathe.


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Thanks but no thanks MRR, I'm not one to follow after mentors, especially not PUAs that I may have more than several disagreements with, I process information individually piece by piece and ultimately choose my own direction. Also why I prefer this forum for relationship advice, as information comes in varying opinions and perspectives, useful when one is emotionally compromised.
> 
> Regardless I've noted the opinions presented on this forum and will ultimately decide on the approach when next I see her, and when I'm ready for it.



You have clearly missed the point regarding my suggestion. You're situation is not unique or special, millions upon millions have been in the same place you are now. It is not about theories or strategies, it is about perspective. Yours is limited.


----------



## TooNice

Well, if this article is true, I have a great head start. <taps fingers and waits...> 

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17899/how-to-find-love-without-looking.html


~Just breathe.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I've mentioned on here before my own struggles with understanding dating, relationships and sex in today's society. I just have to say that recent conversations have done nothing to help clear things up-lol!
> 
> I have not returned to online dating, and I have been shutting down any connections that are clearly not relationship material. I have no idea how or when I will meet someone next. Or have physical contact. The thought of meeting a nice man I am attracted to and waiting to have sex sounds daunting. We are "supposed" to hold off to show that we respect ourselves. But yet we push down the really nice physical feelings in the meantime, and lead to things like RD's conversations here.
> 
> Mixed messages... everywhere we turn. If we could collectively figure this out, we could have a best seller on our hands!
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


I am getting good at this filtering process in OLD .

The guy always start with calling me beautiful n gorgeous n I returned the compliment . then he proceeds to ask if I had met anyone here n I would say that not quite as most wanted to ask for sex n I don't do that . so the guy went MIA . lately . the last one i text the guy back asking why no more interest in gorgeous me . lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> I am getting good at this filtering process in OLD .



I told you that you'd get better at reading people as time went on. 

Hope you have good luck with it!


~Just breathe.


----------



## foolscotton3

I'm not looking for sex, I usually avoid the conversation about sex until you know, right before sex.

Rarely do I complement a woman online, unless she has something special, like a style, or amazing eyes, or communicates so well.


----------



## ne9907

I talked to legal. My legal team wasn't able to help me but they gave a contact to a non profit organization which aids veterans. I have an appointment with them next Friday. According to the preliminary talk, I will be able to obtain a restraining order against him. I feel much better.


----------



## TooNice

foolscotton3 said:


> I'm not looking for sex, I usually avoid the conversation about sex until you know, right before sex.
> 
> Rarely do I complement a woman online, unless she has something special, like a style, or amazing eyes, or communicates so well.



I would say you are in the minority, based on my encounters in OLD. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I talked to legal. My legal team wasn't able to help me but they gave a contact to a non profit organization which aids veterans. I have an appointment with them next Friday. According to the preliminary talk, I will be able to obtain a restraining order against him. I feel much better.



Keep us posted, ne. I'm glad you are taking quick action. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Thanks but no thanks MRR, I'm not one to follow after mentors, especially not PUAs that I may have more than several disagreements with, I process information individually piece by piece and ultimately choose my own direction. Also why I prefer this forum for relationship advice, as information comes in varying opinions and perspectives, useful when one is emotionally compromised.
> 
> Regardless I've noted the opinions presented on this forum and will ultimately decide on the approach when next I see her, and when I'm ready for it.


RD, Corey Wayne and Mark Manson aren't PUAs. They both have a lot of good insight.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Keep us posted, ne. I'm glad you are taking quick action.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Agreed.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Keep us posted, ne. I'm glad you are taking quick action.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.





FeministInPink said:


> Agreed.


I definitely will. I feel if the court grants me a restraining order it will be a definite step is distancing myself from his evil. I live in constant anxiety that he will reach out to me again, not because I want him back but because I always feel I am back to my life with him when he does. My mind always goes back the marriage, the ugliness, the injustice of it all, not healthy for me.


----------



## MRR

TooNice said:


> I would say you are in the minority, based on my encounters in OLD.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Well, then I am in the minority too. I would recommend immediately blocking anyone who does something you find disrespectful immediately and then not even thinking about it again. Including when other men ask you about your experience in OLD. I get that question occasionally too and my response is, Ive met some really nice people. That's it. If you comment about how awful people are to you, your own comments are going to affect how a possibly good person sees you. There is nothing we can do about the OLD warts but ignore them or do not OLD. If you are going to bother to try to meet people via OLD, you may as well be as positive as possible about it. 

End of rant, just get tired of people complaining about something they have chosen to subject themselves to (not necessarily you but in general).


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I definitely will. I feel if the court grants me a restraining order it will be a definite step is distancing myself from his evil. I live in constant anxiety that he will reach out to me again, not because I want him back but because I always feel I am back to my life with him when he does. My mind always goes back the marriage, the ugliness, the injustice of it all, not healthy for me.



This all makes perfect sense to me. My ex's narcissism was not nearly to the level of yours, but I totally understand the feelings resurfacing when you have to interact with him. I get the same thing. The less I am able to interact with him, the better off I am.


~Just breathe.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> End of rant, just get tired of people complaining about something they have chosen to subject themselves to (not necessarily you but in general).



Exactly why I simply deleted my accounts. By the end, every man I conversed with was like that, and it was exhausting to sort through it hoping there was still someone decent out there. I gave up, at least for now.



~Just breathe.


----------



## ne9907

foolscotton3 said:


> I'm not looking for sex, I usually avoid the conversation about sex until you know, right before sex.
> 
> Rarely do I complement a woman online, unless she has something special, like a style, or amazing eyes, or communicates so well.


This is really great and refreshing. Most men Ive talked to (OLD) would immediately compliment me on something... anything. Those compliments get old and sound fake.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

ne9907 said:


> This is really great and refreshing. Most men Ive talked to (OLD) would immediately compliment me on something... anything. Those compliments get old and sound fake.


I agree. I enjoy when a man takes the time to say how they enjoyed what I WROTE, not what I look like!


----------



## TooNice

SecondTime'Round said:


> I agree. I enjoy when a man takes the time to say how they enjoyed what I WROTE, not what I look like!



In 18 months of OLDing, I think that only happened a handful of times for me!


~Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> I agree. I enjoy when a man takes the time to say how they enjoyed what I WROTE, not what I look like!


Bingo! It's safe to assume--since, as we've heard so many times, men are so focused on a woman's looks--that if he's contacting me (or responding) that he finds me attractive.

But telling me, "You're really pretty" isn't a good conversation starter. It tells me either 1) you don't have anything interesting to say (or can't _think _of anything interesting to say, which tells me you're not all that bright), or 2) you haven't looked at my profile any further than my picture, so you're not taking this seriously, and haven't given any thought to whether we would actually be a good match. 

It's an absolute throw-away line.

ETA: But it does boost my ego a little, I must admit.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> Bingo! It's safe to assume--since, as we've heard so many times, men are so focused on a woman's looks--that if he's contacting me (or responding) that he finds me attractive.
> 
> But telling me, "You're really pretty" isn't a good conversation starter. It tells me either 1) you don't have anything interesting to say (or can't _think _of anything interesting to say, which tells me you're not all that bright), or 2) you haven't looked at my profile any further than my picture, so you're not taking this seriously, and haven't given any thought to whether we would actually be a good match.
> 
> It's an absolute throw-away line.
> 
> ETA: But it does boost my ego a little, I must admit.


Agreed! I rarely make the first move. But, if I did, I would never lead with a comment about a man's looks. It would always be about something I found intriguing in their profile. (But of course I wouldn't send a message unless I also found them physically attractive).


----------



## foolscotton3

TooNice said:


> Exactly why I simply deleted my accounts. By the end, every man I conversed with was like that, and it was exhausting to sort through it hoping there was still someone decent out there. I gave up, at least for now.
> 
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


For some reason I am getting a lot of women initiating conversations with me. I thought maybe it was the weather, but I guess not.


----------



## foolscotton3

ne9907 said:


> This is really great and refreshing. Most men Ive talked to (OLD) would immediately compliment me on something... anything. Those compliments get old and sound fake.


I always felt weird receiving a complement on looks, and even more weird complementing others on looks.

Nobody should take credit for winning the genetic lottery, or deceptively clever photography.

My response to a complement is always a quick, "I know."

Sorry if that seems less refreshing now that I've exposed my cynic.


----------



## jld

foolscotton3 said:


> I always felt weird receiving a complement on looks, and even more weird complementing others on looks.
> 
> Nobody should take credit for winning the genetic lottery, or deceptively clever photography.
> 
> My response to a complement is always a quick, "I know."
> 
> Sorry if that seems less refreshing now that I've exposed my cynic.


How about just saying, "Thank you."


----------



## RandomDude

Taking my daughter to work today... yay... *sigh* hopefully tmr we can have a proper day out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

jld said:


> How about just saying, "Thank you."


Thank you.


----------



## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> For some reason I am getting a lot of women initiating conversations with me. I thought maybe it was the weather, but I guess not.


It is the weather as it be mating season! Ladies on heat! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok, so WHY has there been no affection? Taking is slow is one thing, being stand-offish is another. As another person whose primary LL is physical touch, this would not be ok with me at all. She may be the kind that you "lock down" but if the physical isn't there, this wont work for you.


Agreed. I have no intention of forming a relationship with this person if this keeps up. She did ask that we go slow though. 

I am willing to give it 1 or 2 more dates before I feel friend zoned. As of now though for example, I just got back on a week long trip for work, and ironically she is about to go on a vacation for herself. 

In other words, this "relationship" will move one way or another soon enough.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

foolscotton3 said:


> For some reason I am getting a lot of women initiating conversations with me. I thought maybe it was the weather, but I guess not.


There was a segment on Good Morning America this week about women initiating contact. Maybe they all watched it. OKC reported that women who make contact first have a better chance of response than men who do. The general consensus among the GMA staff (in their conversation) was that after the woman makes the first contact, the man should still take the lead after that.


----------



## foolscotton3

In real life men look for indicators of interest before approaching a woman.


----------



## RandomDude

Yup! No green light, no approach!

So FIP, better stop avoiding eye contact


----------



## foolscotton3

I'd even creep up on a yellow light, but if she sh!t test me off the bat, "next," I only play games I know I will win.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Yup! No green light, no approach!
> 
> So FIP, better stop avoiding eye contact


I know, you're right... I've been working on it.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> I'd even creep up on a yellow light, but if she sh!t test me off the bat, "next," I only play games I know I will win.


Ey? I speed past yellow lights before it goes red.


----------



## tripad

Gosh . I move about in my world with lots of traffic but no one checking out my lights . &#55357;&#56872;

I guess I move about with two kids n no one approaches a mum to check her lights.

They look and that's all . they assume I have a husband . 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

tripad said:


> Gosh . I move about in my world with lots of traffic but no one checking out my lights . &#55357;&#56872;
> 
> I guess I move about with two kids n no one approaches a mum to check her lights.
> 
> They look and that's all . they assume I have a husband .
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes you have to put a leg out there


----------



## tripad

Put a leg ? Like short skirt n tight pants ?

Yes more looks but that's all 😥
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

I think it is also the way I look . unapproachable ? Not the easy pick up look ?


I will stick on forehead , available n single . maybe .

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

When you see a guy who you are attracted to, what do you do?


----------



## foolscotton3




----------



## GuyInColorado

Need some advice... 

Been seperated since January 5th. Starting dating an amazing woman February 1st. It's getting serious. I haven't told my soon to be ex wife as I want to keep everything amicable and smooth until we are divorced. I hung out with some mutual friends last night and she showed up for dinner. I stayed for dinner. My new girlfriend got hurt that I hung out with the ex until 10pm. I also had dinner with the ex the other night after a mandatory parenting class. I have absolutely no feelings towards my wife and just want a friendly divorce because we have small kids. The new girlfriend will wait for me but feels like she's my dirty secret and she wants all of me. I get it now and need to set some boundaries. She doesn't like me hanging out with her so much, and I don't blame her now looking back. I got a text the from ex this morning saying she was glad we all hung out and had a good time.

So my question... should I just tell my soon to be ex wife that I have moved on and am dating an amazing woman and haven't been this happy in forever? I think the ex just needs to move on and accept the fact that there is no hope for reconciliation. Note that Colorado is a no fault state, so it won't impact my pending divorce. I obviously am not going to move in with the girlfriend or even introduce the kids to her until I'm officially divorced, which is a few months away.

Yeah, this is my fault for dating so soon. But I'm not sorry, this new girl is seriously the best relationship I've had and I don't want to loser her. When you've been in a meaningless marriage for the past 6 years, you move on long ago and just earn to connect with someone emotionally and intimately.


----------



## foolscotton3

My advice is to keep your mouth shut

Unless you're a masochist, in that case, introduce them to each other.


----------



## *Deidre*

GuyInColorado said:


> Need some advice...
> 
> Been seperated since January 5th. Starting dating an amazing woman February 1st. It's getting serious. I haven't told my soon to be ex wife as I want to keep everything amicable and smooth until we are divorced. I hung out with some mutual friends last night and she showed up for dinner. I stayed for dinner. My new girlfriend got hurt that I hung out with the ex until 10pm. I also had dinner with the ex the other night after a mandatory parenting class. I have absolutely no feelings towards my wife and just want a friendly divorce because we have small kids. The new girlfriend will wait for me but feels like she's my dirty secret and she wants all of me. I get it now and need to set some boundaries. She doesn't like me hanging out with her so much, and I don't blame her now looking back. I got a text the from ex this morning saying she was glad we all hung out and had a good time.
> 
> So my question... should I just tell my soon to be ex wife that I have moved on and am dating an amazing woman and haven't been this happy in forever? I think the ex just needs to move on and accept the fact that there is no hope for reconciliation. Note that Colorado is a no fault state, so it won't impact my pending divorce. I obviously am not going to move in with the girlfriend or even introduce the kids to her until I'm officially divorced, which is a few months away.
> 
> Yeah, this is my fault for dating so soon. But I'm not sorry, this new girl is seriously the best relationship I've had and I don't want to loser her. When you've been in a meaningless marriage for the past 6 years, you move on long ago and just earn to connect with someone emotionally and intimately.


This seems to be rushing way to quickly. Just my observation. It takes time to leave one full relationship, then heal before jumping in full tilt into another relationship. You have been dating a woman for one month and it's already serious?  Just seems like you are rushing things...I've seen this happen with a few friends who were separated, and went from 0 to 60 in a new relationship and it crashed and burned because it just was too rushed. My advice...slow waaayyyy down, and this new girl should not want to rush you. I don't know why you need to tell your ex wife anything having to do with who you are dating? Are you sure you're over your ex wife? She doesn't sound over you/the marriage, yet. Just from an outsider's view, seems like a lot of things going on.  

Your marriage doesn't sound like it was meaningless and it doesn't sound like it's done, to be honest.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Oh, it was loveless and sexless. No sex for past 4.5 years. Maybe sex 10 times total in 8 years of marriage. Total sham. Had kids by some mircacle and got trapped. She has hope of reconcilation, probably because the reality of her losing me set in. She'll have to work full time, put kids in daycare, and lose a lot of disposable income. Plus, she knows she'll never find someone as good looking as me. Just the facts. She treated me like sh&t, telling me she fcking hated me and wanted a divorce for years. I finally realized the house, money, cars, and conveinance wasn't worth living a miserable life and walked out. Now she's the nicest person ever, says therapy these last 5 months has changed her, blah blah. I moved on! 

I moved on years ago. It's why I really am not ashamed to tell my ex and my mom. In my mind, I deserve to find someone that rocks my world. They say you know when you met that special person, and I now know what that feels like. We haven't even had sex, gone pretty far but trying to keep it out of the equation for as long as possible. I'm sure it will happen in the next week or so with how we are talking. I dated one other girl right after the seperation for a few weeks. I have no desire to date any other women, I know I found what I've been desiring and missing out on.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Guy, I think you should tell your STBXW but not for any particular reason other than saving her from making a fool out of herself over you.
Next time she says she's glad you could all hang out together, say, yes, it was nice this one time. However you should understand that I've been dating. (No more details needed, even if she asks, don't tell, just 'dating'.) 

Ask her what her expectations are in terms of co-parenting and leave it at that. This gives you an opportunity to help her adjust to her new reality, without keeping her in the dark, inadvertently leading her on, or putting yourself or any girlfriend you might have, on the spot. 

It's fine you're not ashamed, but really, you're going to rub it in your ex-wife's face that you've 'met and amazing woman and are happier than you've been in years?' That's not the thing to say, it sounds cruel, and unnecessary. So what if you barely had sex? You put up with that for that long, you can justify it to yourself any way you want but it's a free country. You could have done something about it at the 6 month point, the 1 year point, etc. Babies don't 'just happen', you could have used a condom. So yep, while you might be happier and you might be close to getting sex, this has nothing to do with setting reasonable boundaries with your ex. Just tell her you're dating and explain where your boundaries are in terms of co-parenting. Period.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Thanks, that's great advice.


----------



## *Deidre*

GuyInColorado said:


> Oh, it was loveless and sexless. No sex for past 4.5 years. Maybe sex 10 times total in 8 years of marriage. Total sham. Had kids by some mircacle and got trapped. She has hope of reconcilation, probably because the reality of her losing me set in. She'll have to work full time, put kids in daycare, and lose a lot of disposable income. Plus, she knows she'll never find someone as good looking as me. Just the facts. She treated me like sh&t, telling me she fcking hated me and wanted a divorce for years. I finally realized the house, money, cars, and conveinance wasn't worth living a miserable life and walked out. Now she's the nicest person ever, says therapy these last 5 months has changed her, blah blah. I moved on!
> 
> I moved on years ago. It's why I really am not ashamed to tell my ex and my mom. In my mind, I deserve to find someone that rocks my world. They say you know when you met that special person, and I now know what that feels like. We haven't even had sex, gone pretty far but trying to keep it out of the equation for as long as possible. I'm sure it will happen in the next week or so with how we are talking. I dated one other girl right after the seperation for a few weeks. I have no desire to date any other women, I know I found what I've been desiring and missing out on.


Okay, I see better now. Thanks for explaining some of the background. Still though, one month ...be careful. VERY careful. It's too soon to be serious with someone, there's no rush if it's meant to be, and it's real love. That's all I'm saying.

Please wear protection. This new girl, I wouldn't be surprised if she ''mysteriously'' ends up pregnant, telling you she is on the pill. You know when you have a 6th sense? lol I have that with your story, because it all just seems to be moving way too fast, emotionally speaking. But, good luck to you just the same.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Put a leg ? Like short skirt n tight pants ?
> 
> Yes more looks but that's all 😥
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How are you doing with throwing a dazzling smile someone's way? :grin2: Have you tried that one yet?


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> When you see a guy who you are attracted to, what do you do?


Nothing . 

I have not been attracted to anyone yet . 

Just see a decent looking guy once or twice n still I did nothing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

*Deidre* said:


> This seems to be rushing way to quickly. Just my observation. It takes time to leave one full relationship, then heal before jumping in full tilt into another relationship. You have been dating a woman for one month and it's already serious?  Just seems like you are rushing things...I've seen this happen with a few friends who were separated, and went from 0 to 60 in a new relationship and it crashed and burned because it just was too rushed. My advice...slow waaayyyy down, and this new girl should not want to rush you. I don't know why you need to tell your ex wife anything having to do with who you are dating? Are you sure you're over your ex wife? She doesn't sound over you/the marriage, yet. Just from an outsider's view, seems like a lot of things going on.
> 
> Your marriage doesn't sound like it was meaningless and it doesn't sound like it's done, to be honest.


This is way too rushed but if I am not mistaken GIC is the one who came on here stating he was looking at engagement rings 3 weeks after meeting his now gf. I was not that bad, but definitely getting serious w/ someone immediately after my divorce was a huge mistake and i would definitely be miserable right now if I had continued down the path...


----------



## hope4family

Hey gang, 

Looking to vent. Trip to Vegas went amazing, and this is the first place I can say this. Except for one part, triggering. I know I am supposed to let it pass, but I currently am just riding wave after wave and unfortunately can only think that ending dating and returning to a counselor is the best thing to do. I will ride the waves, but I do not perceive that the way I am feeling, (antipathy) is healthy at this moment. Maybe it is to an extent. Maybe this is the part of the "pushup" that gets you past whatever it is we all feel post abandonment. 

Whatever it is, I do not like it. I am however looking forward to the upcoming weekends. It's going to be full of a ton of potential "working on me" time.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Nothing .
> 
> I have not been attracted to anyone yet .
> 
> Just see a decent looking guy once or twice n still I did nothing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then that's the problem, not because they don't approach you, but because you don't give them green lights


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Nothing .
> 
> 
> 
> I have not been attracted to anyone yet .
> 
> 
> 
> Just see a decent looking guy once or twice n still I did nothing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So this is why no one is approaching you! Maybe you ARE "unapproachable", but because you aren't appearing available due to lack of interest.


~Just breathe.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Then that's the problem, not because they don't approach you, but because you don't give them green lights





TooNice said:


> So this is why no one is approaching you! Maybe you ARE "unapproachable", but because you aren't appearing available due to lack of interest.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


what to do ?

::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


----------



## GuyInColorado

Well, finally had sex with the GF last night. Hot passionate sex in passenger seat of my truck! We were talking it up all night while shooting pool/darts, so it wasn't just a random thing. Giggity! 

Life is good.


----------



## foolscotton3

GuyInColorado said:


> Well, finally had sex with the GF last night. Hot passionate sex in passenger seat of my truck! We were talking it up all night while shooting pool/darts, so it wasn't just a random thing. Giggity!
> 
> Life is good.


Hope you wrapped that fckstick up, brah!


----------



## GuyInColorado

Ha, I did. Probably won't last long though, she has a IUD... I even verified, could feel the string. Ha. I'll probably get snipped after I'm divorced, no more kids for me. We're both almost 35 with each a boy and girl, all set.


----------



## foolscotton3

Don't count on a IUD, they do expire and most women do not remove themselves. They wait for a physician to replace them,* AFTER the expiration!*

Personally I don't care what people prefer, sex is way better with the peace of mind a prophylactic provides.


----------



## RandomDude

Lucky you

Me be still celibate


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Lucky you
> 
> Me be still celibate


You be still on first base


----------



## RandomDude

Right now doesn't look like I'll make the home run


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Right now doesn't look like I'll make the home run


You're on base, you didn't strike out yet.

Maybe you can manipulate the situation a little bit.


----------



## RandomDude

Can always still drop my pants n see wat happens 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

GuyInColorado said:


> Ha, I did. Probably won't last long though, she has a IUD... I even verified, could feel the string. Ha. I'll probably get snipped after I'm divorced, no more kids for me. We're both almost 35 with each a boy and girl, all set.


STDs?

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

^ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrauterine_device

The crazy things that ladies put up their *ahems* ... =|


----------



## Lifescript

Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know". 

She doesn't seem very interested. 

Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply? 

I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.


----------



## Miss Independent

Lifescript said:


> Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know".
> 
> She doesn't seem very interested.
> 
> Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply?
> 
> I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.



When was the last time you saw her?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

spinsterdurga said:


> When was the last time you saw her?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Long time ago. Like 10 years. We've talked on and off and FB.


----------



## Miss Independent

Lifescript said:


> Long time ago. Like 10 years. We've talked on and off and FB.



Okay... Um how can she be interested in someone she saw 10 years ago? I don't know but I wouldn't be interested.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know".
> 
> She doesn't seem very interested.
> 
> Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply?
> 
> I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.



If I really dig a dude, no... I would likely respond right away, if possible. But I also think within 24 hours is reasonable. And she can't possibly "really dig" you if it's been 10 years. Getting together is more of an opportunity to assess the situation.

Give it some space, get something very low key scheduled and see what happens.


~Just breathe.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know".
> 
> She doesn't seem very interested.
> 
> Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply?
> 
> I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.


 I am not a lady but I would just throw a day, time and place out there and see if she says yes or no. No reason dwelling on how long it got back to you, it COULD be lack of interest, or any number of things, but it doesn't really matter. Asking her out, specifically not hypothetically, will give you the answer you are looking for. 

Also, just FYI, since you are not connecting on a dating sight, do not assume she will take it as a date per se. If she DOES meet you, and you find some interest and set up another time, make sure your intentions are clear so you don't just become friends; at the same time, don't make a big deal of it in the 'I am now trying to lock you down' way.


----------



## Lifescript

spinsterdurga said:


> Okay... Um how can she be interested in someone she saw 10 years ago? I don't know but I wouldn't be interested.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I see your point.


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> If I really dig a dude, no... I would likely respond right away, if possible. But I also think within 24 hours is reasonable. And she can't possibly "really dig" you if it's been 10 years. Getting together is more of an opportunity to assess the situation.
> 
> Give it some space, get something very low key scheduled and see what happens.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Good points. Definitely will be something low key lasting no more than a few hrs. 

I think if she was very interested off the bat she would have replied right away for sure. The meet is where I'll be able to better assess the situation. 

Thanks


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> I am not a lady but I would just throw a day, time and place out there and see if she says yes or no. No reason dwelling on how long it got back to you, it COULD be lack of interest, or any number of things, but it doesn't really matter. Asking her out, specifically not hypothetically, will give you the answer you are looking for.
> 
> Also, just FYI, since you are not connecting on a dating sight, do not assume she will take it as a date per se. If she DOES meet you, and you find some interest and set up another time, make sure your intentions are clear so you don't just become friends; at the same time, don't make a big deal of it in the 'I am now trying to lock you down' way.


Yup. You are right on the not just friends thing. If agrees to meet I'll let her know right away what my intentions are and see how receptive she is to that.


----------



## Lifescript

I'll ask her out for Saturday to grab a drink at a local place. Let's see what she says.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know".
> 
> She doesn't seem very interested.
> 
> Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply?
> 
> I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.


Tell her what day you are free. See if she is interested from there. Don't expect women just to jump into your lap.


----------



## Lifescript

hope4family said:


> Tell her what day you are free. See if she is interested from there. Don't expect women just to jump into your lap.


Will do. 

Definitely don't expect that. 

The little dating I've done so far has shown me it's harder than one thinks.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> Yup. You are right on the not just friends thing. If agrees to meet I'll let her know right away what my intentions are and see how receptive she is to that.


Don't overwhelm her with the 'I want to date you' thing, see how the conversation goes. Again if she gets the 'he wants to lock me down' vibe, she will wonder what is wrong with you that you want to commit to someone you haven't seen in 10 years. Make your intentions clear (if you find that is what you want when you actually meet) without appearing to want too much too soon. The main reason is that if she sees you as a friend only, it is usually hard to undo that impression and she wont see you as a romantic possibility.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> ^ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrauterine_device
> 
> The crazy things that ladies put up their *ahems* ... =|


RD, that's a pretty ignorant comment.

The IUD is the most effective, non-permanent form of birth control on the market. <1% fail rate (and I would guess that ectopic pregnancies account for a fair share of those failures), and long-term (5-12 yrs).

The only comparable options are the hormone implants (which last only 3 yrs) and the hormone shots (which you need to get every 3-4 months).


----------



## Lifescript

I'll hang out with her. Have fun. Touch when appropriate so she knows I'm not there just to be friends. And definitely not talk about exes or any of that sh!t.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Find a nice local dive bar with darts and pool. I've never had a bad time and the night almost always ends on a good note.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know".
> 
> She doesn't seem very interested.
> 
> Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply?
> 
> I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.


Even if I dig a guy a lot, sometimes I cannot be bothered to answer right away. I might be reading, or out with friends, or watching TV, or just sleeping. Then when I am free, I might think it is too late to answer. 

I spoke with the attorney again, since I did not send a NO CONTACT email to ex, I am not filling the restraining order just yet. I might have still gotten the order approved by the judge, but do not want to risk it.
I went ahead and wrote him a NO CONTACT email, if he does not follow through, then I will definitely pursue the restraining order


----------



## BlueWoman

Lifescript said:


> Contacted a girl I know from my school days. I have her on FB. We chatted a bit. Told her we should get together and grab a drink. That was yesterday around 6 pm. She replied today at 7 am: "sure, let me know".
> 
> She doesn't seem very interested.
> 
> Ladies: if you really dig a dude and want to go out with him would you take this long to reply?
> 
> I mean unless something happened or she was crazy busy last night.


That actually seems pretty reasonable. It probably means she was doing other things than being on facebook. Often, I'll get a message on my phone, but be in the middle of something and not be able to respond right away. 

And maybe she isn't interested, but maybe you can get her interested.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> I'll hang out with her. Have fun. Touch when appropriate so she knows I'm not there just to be friends. And definitely not talk about exes or any of that sh!t.


LS you overthink the crap out of everything. Maybe even more than me, and I didn't think that possible! Lighten up, she may be a totally different person since 10 years have passed. Just look at it as an old friend connection and feel it out from there.


----------



## Lifescript

Blue Woman, 

I get that. The thing with technology is that you can see when sooner has read your msg so you know they've seen it but haven't replied. I know people have busy lives heck I do too. But if someone is really interested he/she won't take hours to reply or will reply and say hey I'm tied up with something I'll get back to you.


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> LS you overthink the crap out of everything. Maybe even more than me, and I didn't think that possible! Lighten up, she may be a totally different person since 10 years have passed. Just look at it as an old friend connection and feel it out from there.


I do overthink things way too much. I sent her a msg asking her out in Saturday. No reply yet. If she says yes cool. If she says no cool too.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> Blue Woman,
> 
> I get that. The thing with technology is that you can see when sooner has read your msg so you know they've seen it but haven't replied. I know people have busy lives heck I do too. But if someone is really interested he/she won't take hours to reply or will reply and say hey I'm tied up with something I'll get back to you.


Erm no... for me even if im able to read n txt my mind could be focused on my work n would have nothing to say until things r more relaxed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

ne9907 said:


> Even if I dig a guy a lot, sometimes I cannot be bothered to answer right away. I might be reading, or out with friends, or watching TV, or just sleeping. Then when I am free, I might think it is too late to answer.


I only check FB a couple of times in the evenings, myself. Some people are not slaves to social media.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> Blue Woman,
> 
> I get that. The thing with technology is that you can see when sooner has read your msg so you know they've seen it but haven't replied. I know people have busy lives heck I do too. But if someone is really interested he/she won't take hours to reply or will reply and say hey I'm tied up with something I'll get back to you.


Your thinking too hard. 

People, are people. Find one who communicates desire, compassion, love, and for heavens sake who is hard to get.


----------



## Lifescript

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I only check FB a couple of times in the evenings, myself. Some people are not slaves to social media.


Makes sense. 

BUT I still feel like if you get a msg from a guy or girl you are very attracted to you gonna find time to reply within an hr.


----------



## Lifescript

hope4family said:


> Your thinking too hard.
> 
> People, are people. Find one who communicates desire, compassion, love, and for heavens sake who is hard to get.


Sure want someone who makes me work for it but also don't want to go in circles or be played. 

These girls I've contacted recently are girls I know or have gotten their number in the past and never acted on it. I've exhausted those options. After this I'll venture into OLD.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> Sure want someone who makes me work for it but also don't want to go in circles or be played.
> 
> These girls I've contacted recently are girls I know or have gotten their number in the past and never acted on it. I've exhausted those options. After this I'll venture into OLD.


Do you have any female / male friends yet? Like male friends to do guy stuff together and the occasional trusting just friends female?

A big part of dating, to me, was being able to make yourself busy with friends should an attempted date not pan out. You still have plenty of friends.


----------



## Lifescript

hope4family said:


> Do you have any female / male friends yet? Like male friends to do guy stuff together and the occasional trusting just friends female?
> 
> A big part of dating, to me, was being able to make yourself busy with friends should an attempted date not pan out. You still have plenty of friends.


I have few male friends that are single. One of them got a girlfriend now and got engaged and is acting like he's married. I'm happy for him that he found a great woman. 

No women that I consider friend. I do talk to many of my coworkers as friends but we have no contact outside of work.


----------



## Acoa

Lifescript said:


> I have few male friends that are single. One of them got a girlfriend now and got engaged and is acting like he's married. I'm happy for him that he found a great woman.
> 
> No women that I consider friend. I do talk to many of my coworkers as friends but we have no contact outside of work.


Work on finding a circle of friends. Co-workers who go out after work for dinner or a drink, or a group attached to some hobby you enjoy. 

Any woman worth her salt is going to want to see that you have a life of your own. If she sees that you are a bit lonely or desperate for attention it's going to be a turn off. Or you might wind up with some pity attention. That's not good attention. 

One day to reply to an initial contact isn't bad. Nothing wrong with that. Part of taking things slow, is actually taking them slow. Having a circle of friends will help here. You'll be busy, so less likely to seem desperate by replying to everything too quickly. Your calendar will be fuller, which shows you have a social life. And you'll have interesting things to talk about so you won't be boring. 

And who knows, while out socializing, maybe you'll meet a few girls.


----------



## Miss Independent

Lifescript said:


> Makes sense.
> 
> BUT I still feel like if you get a msg from a guy or girl you are very attracted to you gonna find time to reply within an hr.



How can she be attracted to you when she hasn't seen you in a while?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> I'll hang out with her. Have fun. Touch when appropriate so she knows I'm not there just to be friends. And definitely not talk about exes or any of that sh!t.


If a guy touched me on a first time meetup after not seeing each other for 10yrs it would totally creep me out.


----------



## Lifescript

spinsterdurga said:


> How can she be attracted to you when she hasn't seen you in a while?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Women around the world are attracted (physically like) guys: George Clooney, Chanum Tatum. Even a convict who made the news was getting lots of love from the ladies. She's seen me and follows me on FB. She knows what I look like. 

People are attracted to other people they haven't seen. 

Attraction is not a choice.


----------



## foolscotton3

Lifescript said:


> Women around the world are attracted (physically like) guys: George Clooney, Chanum Tatum. Even a convict who made the news was getting lots of love from the ladies. She's seen me and follows me on FB. She knows what I look like.
> 
> People are attracted to other people they haven't seen.
> 
> Attraction is not a choice.


If she liked you (physically) like that, and was OK with your hands being up in her 'respectively,' you would have had a lot more going on than Facebooking the last 10 years.

Communication is a choice.


----------



## TooNice

Lifescript said:


> Women around the world are attracted (physically like) guys: George Clooney, Chanum Tatum. Even a convict who made the news was getting lots of love from the ladies. She's seen me and follows me on FB. She knows what I look like.
> 
> People are attracted to other people they haven't seen.
> 
> Attraction is not a choice.


Yes, but I can think a man is attractive in a photo and be instantly turned off when I meet him and realize he's an ass. To a certain extent, attraction may not be a choice, but it is also not just physical.


----------



## Miss Independent

Lifescript said:


> Women around the world are attracted (physically like) guys: George Clooney, Chanum Tatum. Even a convict who made the news was getting lots of love from the ladies. She's seen me and follows me on FB. She knows what I look like.
> 
> People are attracted to other people they haven't seen.
> 
> Attraction is not a choice.



A guy I worked with 4 years ago hit me up on Facebook in 2013 (or 2014?). He wanted to catch up and stuff. I had no idea he was into me and was asking me out. 

I don't use Facebook to find dates. I use it to stay in contact with my friends and family. I turned him down many times because he was pushy and expected me to jump to see him after not being in contact for 2 years(I had in on Facebook but we didn't really talk) 

Anyway, good luck!! I still think that you're expecting a lot. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## BlueWoman

I'm telling you, I can get a message and not be able to reply for hours. It has nothing to do with my interest. At work, I get messages, but I work with kids. In the time it would take me to respond to message they could take down the room. I can not take my attention away from them. If I'm spending time with someone else I don't message on facebook. It's rude. 

Or she could be playing hard to get. And most women who play hard to get want to eventually be caught.


----------



## Lifescript

spinsterdurga said:


> A guy I worked with 4 years ago hit me up on Facebook in 2013 (or 2014?). He wanted to catch up and stuff. I had no idea he was into me and was asking me out.
> 
> I don't use Facebook to find dates. I use it to stay in contact with my friends and family. I turned him down many times because he was pushy and expected me to jump to see him after not being in contact for 2 years(I had in on Facebook but we didn't really talk)
> 
> Anyway, good luck!! I still think that you're expecting a lot.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I see your point. 

I feel ok with my approach. And yes I probably expected too much. But I rather ask her out than chat for weeks doing friendly talk when in fact I want to ask her put and interested in more than friends. 

Bottom line is if she's interested she will say yes or she will say no and give an explanation. If she says script I haven't seen you in a while. I don't feel ok meeting you so quickly I'd understand.


----------



## Lifescript

BlueWoman said:


> I'm telling you, I can get a message and not be able to reply for hours. It has nothing to do with my interest. At work, I get messages, but I work with kids. In the time it would take me to respond to message they could take down the room. I can not take my attention away from them. If I'm spending time with someone else I don't message on facebook. It's rude.
> 
> Or she could be playing hard to get. And most women who play hard to get want to eventually be caught.


She works in a school. I'm sure she's busy so you are right it may be that she hasn't gotten a chance to reply.

At this point I've asked her out for Saturday. She's going to say yes or no whenever she gets a chance.


----------



## Lifescript

Acoa said:


> Work on finding a circle of friends. Co-workers who go out after work for dinner or a drink, or a group attached to some hobby you enjoy.
> 
> Any woman worth her salt is going to want to see that you have a life of your own. If she sees that you are a bit lonely or desperate for attention it's going to be a turn off. Or you might wind up with some pity attention. That's not good attention.
> 
> One day to reply to an initial contact isn't bad. Nothing wrong with that. Part of taking things slow, is actually taking them slow. Having a circle of friends will help here. You'll be busy, so less likely to seem desperate by replying to everything too quickly. Your calendar will be fuller, which shows you have a social life. And you'll have interesting things to talk about so you won't be boring.
> 
> And who knows, while out socializing, maybe you'll meet a few girls.


Thumbs up to this. 

Unfortunately I work with folks much older than me. So there's no chance to go out with them and socializing after work. They are not into that kind of thing. There are some young women that started working in the last couple of years but we've never made a connection aside from small talk sometimes. 

Did go out and get involve with the cutest woman in my department. Big mistake! Not doing that again. 

I will focus on building a social circle and doing stuff I like doing. I realize this needs to happen. It's the first step.


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> If a guy touched me on a first time meetup after not seeing each other for 10yrs it would totally creep me out.


Not talking about touching her ass or boobs. I'm talking touching her hand while making a point or touching her back while guiding her into a room. Nothing big. Subtle touches. Something go break the Ice. 

I have done this before with success and there was that time where the woman I was with gave me a speech. Yikes!


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> Yes, but I can think a man is attractive in a photo and be instantly turned off when I meet him and realize he's an ass. To a certain extent, attraction may not be a choice, but it is also not just physical.


I totally agree. It's not just looks but looks is a big part of it. If she agrees to meet I think she would like my personality. But who knows .


----------



## BlueWoman

I can't speak for all women, but I have to say looks is such a small part of what attracts me to a man. Really bad looks can turn me off, but good looks doesn't go very far. And to turn me off it has to be really bad. I really don't know if I am really interested in someone until I've spend hours with them and know how smart they are, if they can hold a good conversation, have great ethics....

I don't know...it's not that I don't find certain physical characteristics nice to look at, but it just doesn't mean enough to me.


----------



## RandomDude

So busy! Im so happy cause im making $$$! 

miss pony been calling me, ive been trying to delay our inevitable 'talk' ... *sigh*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Premeditated touch is just weird, and this whole thing is just not sitting right with me, LifeScript.
Here's the reason. YOU haven't seen her in over 10 years? But you are assuming YOU will be attracted to her.
WHY????? Because she's female and on the 'list' of people you are going through in order to find a girlfriend.
Sorry, but this is plain creepy.
You are already planning to touch her to let her know you're interested, BUT, you have not seen her in person.
What's interesting, her vagina?
I don't get it, or maybe I do.
If she's smart, she'll touch you too, but not the way you want. Slap.

Sorry, but this is how it's coming across. It sounds really impersonal, and just creepy/borderline stalking.
Even the amount of time you're spending discussing this meeting, which should be casual and maybe 30 minutes out of an entire day, if that. This is not really the way interpersonal relationships of any meaning can start. With this kind of thinking.

Maybe you could get laid with this approach, if applied to many women in sequence.
But you sound lonely, and wanting a relationship. So your goals are different than that, I think, but the approach is not suited for that goal. 

The reason unwanted touch in such a situation 'works' is that it tends to catch the woman off guard. This instills fear, anxiety, and a loss of ability to think clearly. There is then a moment of susceptibility that can be taken advantage of, in particular if alcohol is involved. The woman, if normal, senses danger. And has a paradoxical reaction. If the guy is not clearly an ax murderer, and sometimes if he is (i.e. Bundy) he can score. If that's what you're shooting for, try the 'touch' on someone you haven't seen in 10 years.

There is a reason why smart women often have a rule about no touching or kissing, etc. It is because they know that there is a danger of losing their senses, and not in a good way. When she has made up her mind about someone, then she can let down that barrier. It's because she knows what will happen once the breach has been made in the wall. The immediate reaction of someone who understands what's being done to the is to end the date. The inexperienced will play along to be polite, but most women know the gig is up, you can get sex with that person, but don't expect anything much more in the way of 'relationship' other than tokens/tokenization.


----------



## ne9907

HMU yes!!!!!!!!!!!

I was reading about Life's event, I did not know what to say but yes, the thought of someone touching me on a first date is extremely uncomfortable....


----------



## unsure78

foolscotton3 said:


> Don't count on a IUD, they do expire and most women do not remove themselves. They wait for a physician to replace them,* AFTER the expiration!*
> 
> Personally I don't care what people prefer, sex is way better with the peace of mind a prophylactic provides.


FYI you are not supposed to remove an IUD yourself, they are only supposed to be removed by a DR.


----------



## Acoa

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Premeditated touch is just weird, and this whole thing is just not sitting right with me


There is a whole "pick up culture "that is surprisingly effective. It involves negative feedback (neg-hits) to break through the woman's shields. Proving your 'alpha worth' by either having other attractive females in your orbit or obvious displays of success (clothing, car, expensive tastes). Once you have her interest, you move into touch. You definitely have to have her interest prior to any touching. And that touch can't be overtly creepy, just small things like grasping her hand, or brushing the hair off her shoulder. 

And yes, it can be creepy. There are men out there who devote their life to trying to score with as many women as possible and have the art very refined. 

The psychology behind it is very useful in meeting new people and cultivating interest. Google "Seduction Community" sometime.


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> So busy! Im so happy cause im making $$$!
> 
> miss pony been calling me, ive been trying to delay our inevitable 'talk' ... *sigh*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good to hear business is good. Life stress is easier to deal with when you don't have financial stress.

And stop building up to some 'big conversation'. Just shut up and kiss the girl. You've been together long enough you should be able to put some moves on her without her calling foul. 

If she at some point stops you, that's fine. Tell her you have a high sexual drive. That you like her and have been very patient. But you fear she doesn't have the sex drive to match yours. And that's fine, but if she doesn't, then maybe you both shouldn't be investing this much time in each other. 

Then do this one magical thing that will change your life. SHUT UP!

Just listen. She will be silent for a while. Probably figuring out how to phrase what she wants to say. Just wait for it. You'll know what it means when she says it. But WAIT for it. Even if you sit there for 10m half naked feeling like a dumb ass. 

She will either dump you on the spot, give you the green light or tell you something you didn't know that will give you a better understanding of where she is coming from. 

It should go without saying that no means no. And I suggest doing this on a sober night. Don't get her drunk and try it. The idea is to make it crystal clear that sex is important to you, that you can wait, but it needs to be on the table, and you need to understand why she doesn't seem interested.


----------



## Lifescript

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Premeditated touch is just weird, and this whole thing is just not sitting right with me, LifeScript.
> Here's the reason. YOU haven't seen her in over 10 years? But you are assuming YOU will be attracted to her.
> WHY????? Because she's female and on the 'list' of people you are going through in order to find a girlfriend.
> Sorry, but this is plain creepy.
> You are already planning to touch her to let her know you're interested, BUT, you have not seen her in person.
> What's interesting, her vagina?
> I don't get it, or maybe I do.
> If she's smart, she'll touch you too, but not the way you want. Slap.
> 
> Sorry, but this is how it's coming across. It sounds really impersonal, and just creepy/borderline stalking.
> Even the amount of time you're spending discussing this meeting, which should be casual and maybe 30 minutes out of an entire day, if that. This is not really the way interpersonal relationships of any meaning can start. With this kind of thinking.
> 
> Maybe you could get laid with this approach, if applied to many women in sequence.
> But you sound lonely, and wanting a relationship. So your goals are different than that, I think, but the approach is not suited for that goal.
> 
> The reason unwanted touch in such a situation 'works' is that it tends to catch the woman off guard. This instills fear, anxiety, and a loss of ability to think clearly. There is then a moment of susceptibility that can be taken advantage of, in particular if alcohol is involved. The woman, if normal, senses danger. And has a paradoxical reaction. If the guy is not clearly an ax murderer, and sometimes if he is (i.e. Bundy) he can score. If that's what you're shooting for, try the 'touch' on someone you haven't seen in 10 years.
> 
> There is a reason why smart women often have a rule about no touching or kissing, etc. It is because they know that there is a danger of losing their senses, and not in a good way. When she has made up her mind about someone, then she can let down that barrier. It's because she knows what will happen once the breach has been made in the wall. The immediate reaction of someone who understands what's being done to the is to end the date. The inexperienced will play along to be polite, but most women know the gig is up, you can get sex with that person, but don't expect anything much more in the way of 'relationship' other than tokens/tokenization.


Some things to think about. Thanks for calling it like you see it. Honesty is appreciated. 

I don't know ... I may sound desperate to find someone but I'm not. I'm just taking action instead of doing nothing. 

I asked 3 girls out between last week and this week. None of them panned out. 2 haven't replied and the other one is being indecisive. Ask me if I care. 

I post here because I feel safe and like when I'm given constructive criticism. Appreciate it.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> HMU yes!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I was reading about Life's event, I did not know what to say but yes, the thought of someone touching me on a first date is extremely uncomfortable....


Many people kiss on the first date. I think I didn't explain well when I say touching. I think some of you picture script trying to get all up on someone's business lol ... no no no


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I agree with HNU. When a guy touches me too soon, even just on my back or hand, my spidey senses kick in and I become very wary. I immediately feel he's being mildly manipulative unless I see him touching others, like the waiter's elbow when flagging them down for a refil or patting an old man's shoulder who is wearing a veteran's hat to get his attention to thank him for his service... can't think of too many touchy examples but some people are touchy and do it a lot and others not so much so I would have to see he's a touchy person in general for me to not assume his touching has a motive.

Then again, I'm NOT a touchy person. I have girlfriends that always touch my forearm when excitedly telling a story, and hug hello and goodbye... I'm not a hugger or a toucher. If I voluntarily touch a guy, he is very special to me.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Lifescript. Can you join a meet-up group or go to a group class of some sort such as language, astronomy, bird watching or music (singing, etc.)

The best way to get a woman interested in you is to make her feel good about herself when she's with you.
You do this by being in her sphere and making her feel safe, in her day to day life, or a portion of it that you're allowed into, either by invite or by social gathering/societal 'rules and mores'. 

After that, you can have pretty much whatever you want, within reason.

Don't use a 'canned' method or some kind of strategy. Focus instead on being the kind of person that people will cross the street to talk to, or feel inclined to honk when they drive by, etc. You can practice this on all types of people, different genders, different ages. Then when it comes to someone you're attracted to, you are acting normal. Trust me, when a woman wants to be touched, you will know, she will practically put her hand into yours. Or she will suggest sitting side by side / corners instead of across the table, etc. 

Women are onto strategy, it's a big turn off even though it will work short-term on the naïve ones, they would resent you later for it when they realize what happened. Don't try to be someone you're not. But do try to develop habits that enhance your inner self and highlight it and refine it so that others feel safe in your presence, and can be themselves. Then you'll have better, and longer-lasting luck. Longer lasting is doubly implied, when you don't feel pressure to strategize, I think you'll find that once you have a relationship, everything will be better. Don't set yourself up to be an a place of anxiety, is what I'm saying. Because you will eventually benefit too, greatly, from starting from the ground up.


----------



## Bananapeel

Lifescript said:


> Not talking about touching her ass or boobs. I'm talking touching her hand while making a point or touching her back while guiding her into a room. Nothing big. Subtle touches. Something go break the Ice.
> 
> I have done this before with success and there was that time where the woman I was with gave me a speech. Yikes!


The touching and guiding her into a room is considered an "alpha" trait that is supposed to show confidence and leadership, and that works well for some people and not others. I don't know her or you, so I don't know how well it would work in your situation. 

My personal recommendation to start with physical contact is when you see her give her a hug hello. It's a non-threatening way to greet an old friend and her body language will give you an initial idea of where she stands with physical contact. There is nothing wrong with going out the first time as friends only and then calling her up after and confidently saying you enjoyed yourself and would like to go out on a date with her. If she says yes then you know she's at least someone interested and that would be a reasonable time to try to escalate into the other touches you mentioned. Good luck.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Not talking about touching her ass or boobs. I'm talking touching her hand while making a point or touching her back while guiding her into a room. Nothing big. Subtle touches. Something go break the Ice.
> 
> I have done this before with success and there was that time where the woman I was with gave me a speech. Yikes!


You cannot possibly know if you will even be attracted to her once you are face to face. Planning touches is creepy, I agree. You have to see if there is that CLICK between you first.


----------



## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> Don't count on a IUD, they do expire and most women do not remove themselves. They wait for a physician to replace them,* AFTER the expiration!*
> 
> Personally I don't care what people prefer, sex is way better with the peace of mind a prophylactic provides.





unsure78 said:


> FYI you are not supposed to remove an IUD yourself, they are only supposed to be removed by a DR.


Good lord, @foolscotton3, where do you get your information?!? You seriously need to better educate yourself about birth control.

IUDs are actually effective for 1 yr PAST the expiration date, and in some cases (depending on the type of IUD) may even continue to be effective up to 3 years past the expiration date. There are currently studies underway, and preliminary results suggest the this is the case. Based on the outcome of these studies, expiration dates of IUDs may be extended.

See here.

Furthermore, removing one's own IUD is not safe! A woman trying to remove her own IUD could puncture her uterus and/or render herself infertile. It should only be done by a doctor. The women who've done it on their own were 1) stupid; and 2) very lucky.

And using a condom gives you more peace of mind? Condoms are 98% effective when used *perfectly*... which is misleading. How many people use them perfectly? Virtually no one. The real effectiveness, accounting for human error, is actually 82%. So you have an 18% chance of the woman getting pregnant. (Reference.)

What's the chance of getting pregnant on an IUD? Less than 1%.

In fact, ALL hormonal birth control is far more effective than condoms at preventing pregnancy. The least effective is the pill at 93%, and that's still FAR more effective than a condom.

If you're with a new partner, you're not monogamous, and/or you both haven't tested clean for STDs, then a condom is the way to go. But if you're monogamous and you're both STD free, why would you use a birth control method that is less effective, and (let's face it) not much fun?


----------



## Lifescript

HMNU,

Thanks for the advice. I have for the longest time wanted to join a group but have procrastinated. I will start with joining a dance group. Want to learn to dance salsa.


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> You cannot possibly know if you will even be attracted to her once you are face to face. Planning touches is creepy, I agree. You have to see if there is that CLICK between you first.


I agree.


----------



## MRR

Lifescript said:


> Some things to think about. Thanks for calling it like you see it. Honesty is appreciated.
> 
> I don't know ... I may sound desperate to find someone but I'm not. I'm just taking action instead of doing nothing.
> 
> I asked 3 girls out between last week and this week. None of them panned out. 2 haven't replied and the other one is being indecisive. Ask me if I care.
> 
> I post here because I feel safe and like when I'm given constructive criticism. Appreciate it.


You DO sound desperate to find someone, whether you care or not. 

The main problem with your approach, as described on here and which has been pointed out, is that you are basically saying you WANT to touch this woman to basically lead her to sex-- that is the reason it is used in seduction-- however you did say you have not seen her in 10+ years so basically it sounds like you don't care if she is a 'match' for you or...really anything about her, other than how you are going to create attraction. 

Ideally, you should be wondering what she is like and if you will even like her, but since you are not, you clearly just want a warm body. (that looks attractive in pictures).


----------



## hope4family

h4f back into the fray!!!

So first things first. Lunch date with the girl. This is maybe date 4. 

Coffee, lunch + walk, rock climbing, lunch on workday. 

So I decided it was time to ask. "I am not seeing anyone else now. You said it takes time before you know anything. (If you like someone) Let me know if you picture us 1 on 1 or seeing other people at the same time. I do not mean to force you into something that isn't between us." 

There was a pause. Seconds or minutes, it doesn't matter just a pause. "I am not seeing anyone else. If you want to, I guess that's Ok. Might be better for both of us." 

We continued to talk about other things and just remained ourselves. We hugged, she seemed to squeeze a little harder. Then she texted me saying she was looking forward to seeing me and wants to see me before she leaves town again. Then a few minutes later, she said it's hard for people to tell if she is interested, but just in case. She does like me "btw". 

So, I take this as, she is giving me a green light to date other people, but for now is only dating me. I take the later texts as a "just interested in me right now." But maybe, i'm wrong. Thoughts? Men and women chime in.


----------



## foolscotton3

FeministInPink said:


> Good lord, @foolscotton3, where do you get your information?!? You seriously need to better educate yourself about birth control.
> 
> IUDs are actually effective for 1 yr PAST the expiration date, and in some cases (depending on the type of IUD) may even continue to be effective up to 3 years past the expiration date. There are currently studies underway, and preliminary results suggest the this is the case. Based on the outcome of these studies, expiration dates of IUDs may be extended.
> 
> See here.
> 
> Furthermore, removing one's own IUD is not safe! A woman trying to remove her own IUD could puncture her uterus and/or render herself infertile. It should only be done by a doctor. The women who've done it on their own were 1) stupid; and 2) very lucky.
> 
> And using a condom gives you more peace of mind? Condoms are 98% effective when used *perfectly*... which is misleading. How many people use them perfectly? Virtually no one. The real effectiveness, accounting for human error, is actually 82%. So you have an 18% chance of the woman getting pregnant. (Reference.)
> 
> What's the chance of getting pregnant on an IUD? Less than 1%.
> 
> In fact, ALL hormonal birth control is far more effective than condoms at preventing pregnancy. The least effective is the pill at 93%, and that's still FAR more effective than a condom.
> 
> If you're with a new partner, you're not monogamous, and/or you both haven't tested clean for STDs, then a condom is the way to go. But if you're monogamous and you're both STD free, why would you use a birth control method that is less effective, and (let's face it) not much fun?


Thanks fem!

I'm sure everybody has had different experiences with different control methods.

The risk of becoming pregnant while using an expired or ineffective IUD is definitely something I will consider for the rest of my life.

The use of a condom is one of fewer options I control, so your condescending rant on my preference is completely moot.


----------



## MRR

MRR said:


> You DO sound desperate to find someone, whether you care or not.
> 
> The main problem with your approach, as described on here and which has been pointed out, is that you are basically saying you WANT to touch this woman to basically lead her to sex-- that is the reason it is used in seduction-- however you did say you have not seen her in 10+ years so basically it sounds like you don't care if she is a 'match' for you or...really anything about her, other than how you are going to create attraction.
> 
> Ideally, you should be wondering what she is like and if you will even like her, but since you are not, you clearly just want a warm body. (that looks attractive in pictures).


Just to follow up, I have been there too. I think, right after I broke up w/ my 'rebound' after my divorce, I was a bit like this. "Oh, there is so and so from college-- she is not married? She was really cool. " And then the imagination just fills in the blanks, and I am sure I came across as creepy on occasion, because in addition to that I sought advice regarding dating and creating attraction-- I had not been dating in over a decade and even then I was not good at it. 

So...anyway. I get it. I will say now that my mindset has changed immensely and I think it is b/c I am not focused on 'having someone'-- I got that out of my system in a sense and just having someone, turns out, is not fulfilling. I am still a work in progress, but if you pay attention, you will get there.


----------



## MRR

hope4family said:


> h4f back into the fray!!!
> 
> So first things first. Lunch date with the girl. This is maybe date 4.
> 
> Coffee, lunch + walk, rock climbing, lunch on workday.
> 
> So I decided it was time to ask. "I am not seeing anyone else now. You said it takes time before you know anything. (If you like someone) Let me know if you picture us 1 on 1 or seeing other people at the same time. I do not mean to force you into something that isn't between us."
> 
> There was a pause. Seconds or minutes, it doesn't matter just a pause. "I am not seeing anyone else. If you want to, I guess that's Ok. Might be better for both of us."
> 
> We continued to talk about other things and just remained ourselves. We hugged, she seemed to squeeze a little harder. Then she texted me saying she was looking forward to seeing me and wants to see me before she leaves town again. Then a few minutes later, she said it's hard for people to tell if she is interested, but just in case. She does like me "btw".
> 
> So, I take this as, she is giving me a green light to date other people, but for now is only dating me. I take the later texts as a "just interested in me right now." But maybe, i'm wrong. Thoughts? Men and women chime in.


My experience is-- GENERALLY-- it takes women longer to be sure they want to be exclusive. You asked, she is not there yet, however she is 'looking forward' to seeing you again. So...forget about the bf/gf thing and focus just on having fun with her. Don't tell her you are not seeing anyone else and do not get hung up on stuff-- just have fun. Wait until she brings up the exclusive thing; unless it drags on for weeks-- and you are seeing each other regularly-- and you need clarification re where it is going. Until then, just enjoy.


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> You DO sound desperate to find someone, whether you care or not.
> 
> The main problem with your approach, as described on here and which has been pointed out, is that you are basically saying you WANT to touch this woman to basically lead her to sex-- that is the reason it is used in seduction-- however you did say you have not seen her in 10+ years so basically it sounds like you don't care if she is a 'match' for you or...really anything about her, other than how you are going to create attraction.
> 
> Ideally, you should be wondering what she is like and if you will even like her, but since you are not, you clearly just want a warm body. (that looks attractive in pictures).


I can see how I can sound desperate. 

I was going to meet her and see how things went and if there was chemistry. Some people can be very pretty and not pleasant to be around. If there was no chemistry I was just going to have a good time and be friendly and leave it at that.


----------



## Lifescript

MRR said:


> Just to follow up, I have been there too. I think, right after I broke up w/ my 'rebound' after my divorce, I was a bit like this. "Oh, there is so and so from college-- she is not married? She was really cool. " And then the imagination just fills in the blanks, and I am sure I came across as creepy on occasion, because in addition to that I sought advice regarding dating and creating attraction-- I had not been dating in over a decade and even then I was not good at it.
> 
> So...anyway. I get it. I will say now that my mindset has changed immensely and I think it is b/c I am not focused on 'having someone'-- I got that out of my system in a sense and just having someone, turns out, is not fulfilling. I am still a work in progress, but if you pay attention, you will get there.


I hear you. 

Those that have followed me here for long time now that in the past after separating from my ex I couldn't stop talking about "finding someone". I was lonely as hell and missed that. I'm now wanting to experience saying and seeing multiple people to get that experience. 

With FB girl, our common friends always all me hey script you should invite so and so out. You are both single. Your kids are same age. Both professionals etc.


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> My experience is-- GENERALLY-- it takes women longer to be sure they want to be exclusive. You asked, she is not there yet, however she is 'looking forward' to seeing you again. So...forget about the bf/gf thing and focus just on having fun with her. Don't tell her you are not seeing anyone else and do not get hung up on stuff-- just have fun. Wait until she brings up the exclusive thing; unless it drags on for weeks-- and you are seeing each other regularly-- and you need clarification re where it is going. Until then, just enjoy.


Kinda where I am at too. 

I am really big on boundary's. I am also really big on making sure someone is or isn't OK with something. Her attitude perked up a little more by bringing it up. I am "pursuing" her if you will. She says it's what she wants. At the same time though, says she wants to go slow....so yeah.


----------



## ne9907

hope4family said:


> Kinda where I am at too.
> 
> I am really big on boundary's. I am also really big on making sure someone is or isn't OK with something. Her attitude perked up a little more by bringing it up. I am "pursuing" her if you will. She says it's what she wants. At the same time though, says she wants to go slow....so yeah.


That is a good thing. She wants to be exclusive with you but still take things slow. There is nothing wrong with that. Many of us make the mistake of rushing into a relationship.
I personally think it is absurd to want to move in together or/and build a life together after only knowing each other for a month.

Love bomb fool was like that... ugh... big turn off.

Speaking of rushing... Once again the possibility of being let go from my job looms ahead. Our main supervisor is quitting and he is basically the only one who kept the program alive. 
So I was discussing this new development with the guy (loser ex bf), he pretty much told me I could move in with him, go back to school, and he would take care of the bills.....

I am uncomfortable and told him exactly that. He is not the first man to suggest that to me. Love bombing fool actually suggested something similar. 
We were talking about career options, I told him I would eventually want to go back to school and get my masters. He said, he would support me (financially) if I ever wanted to do that....

Now, keep in mind, I had only known this stupid guy for less than three weeks!!!!!!!!!!

loser ex bf, I have known for almost two years, so his offer is not as far fetcher (yes it is!)

Do I look like the sort of woman who wants/needs someone to (cant even think of the word!) Do I look like a freaking gold digger???? WTF is wrong with these types of men???
Or am I over reacting?????


----------



## Miss Independent

ne9907 said:


> That is a good thing. She wants to be exclusive with you but still take things slow. There is nothing wrong with that. Many of us make the mistake of rushing into a relationship.
> 
> I personally think it is absurd to want to move in together or/and build a life together after only knowing each other for a month.
> 
> 
> 
> Love bomb fool was like that... ugh... big turn off.
> 
> 
> 
> Speaking of rushing... Once again the possibility of being let go from my job looms ahead. Our main supervisor is quitting and he is basically the only one who kept the program alive.
> 
> So I was discussing this new development with the guy (loser ex bf), he pretty much told me I could move in with him, go back to school, and he would take care of the bills.....
> 
> 
> 
> I am uncomfortable and told him exactly that. He is not the first man to suggest that to me. Love bombing fool actually suggested something similar.
> 
> We were talking about career options, I told him I would eventually want to go back to school and get my masters. He said, he would support me (financially) if I ever wanted to do that....
> 
> 
> 
> Now, keep in mind, I had only known this stupid guy for less than three weeks!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> loser ex bf, I have known for almost two years, so his offer is not as far fetcher (yes it is!)
> 
> 
> 
> Do I look like the sort of woman who wants/needs someone to (cant even think of the word!) Do I look like a freaking gold digger???? WTF is wrong with these types of men???
> 
> Or am I over reacting?????



Maybe the problem is you? I don't want to be mean but why are you talking your ex loser bf? Maybe you come off as someone who needs and wants to be taken care of?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

spinsterdurga said:


> Maybe the problem is you? I don't want to be mean but why are you talking your ex loser bf? Maybe you come off as someone who needs and wants to be taken care of?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Maybe the problem is me. No worries, no offense taken. I should look into myself and find out what kind of vibe I give off. Since my separation, almost three years, I have been on my own. I am better off financially than I ever was. I paid off my car last year, only bill I have is my credit card and I only use it because I am trying to increase my credit rating.

I am still talking to loser ex bf because he makes me happy. I understand he is not giving me what I truly need but for the time being he is okay.


----------



## vi_bride04

ne9907 said:


> Do I look like the sort of woman who wants/needs someone to (cant even think of the word!) Do I look like a freaking gold digger???? WTF is wrong with these types of men???
> Or am I over reacting?????


No you do not look like that, you are a financially independent woman !

I sometimes feel those are the only women men want now adays... The ones that need to be taken care of. Myself and so many of my single financially dependant gfs cannot find anyone to date it seems. Yet women we know who have insane amount of debt and clingy/needy seem to have men throw themselves at them.

I really don't understand....


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> No you do not look like that, you are a financially independent woman !
> 
> I sometimes feel those are the only women men want now adays... The ones that need to be taken care of. Myself and so many of my single financially dependant gfs cannot find anyone to date it seems. Yet women we know who have insane amount of debt and clingy/needy seem to have men throw themselves at them.
> 
> I really don't understand....


I run from gold diggers. I actually want an independent woman who can take care of herself. It's just easier that way if there's long term potential.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Maybe the problem is me. No worries, no offense taken. I should look into myself and find out what kind of vibe I give off. Since my separation, almost three years, I have been on my own. I am better off financially than I ever was. I paid off my car last year, only bill I have is my credit card and I only use it because I am trying to increase my credit rating.
> 
> I am still talking to loser ex bf because he makes me happy. I understand he is not giving me what I truly need but for the time being he is okay.


Huh? Loser ex-bf made you pretty UNHAPPY. Are you doing some history rewriting?


----------



## tripad

Lifescript said:


> I run from gold diggers. I actually want an independent woman who can take care of herself. It's just easier that way if there's long term potential.


Good to know this . 

But yes the gold diggers can smell the gold source n can play the man well and the man can be very willing to be "dug into" of his gold . 

Seriously , these women are really good . my gf n I always say we need to be disciples of them .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

ne9907 said:


> That is a good thing. She wants to be exclusive with you but still take things slow. There is nothing wrong with that. Many of us make the mistake of rushing into a relationship.
> I personally think it is absurd to want to move in together or/and build a life together after only knowing each other for a month.
> 
> Love bomb fool was like that... ugh... big turn off.
> 
> Speaking of rushing... Once again the possibility of being let go from my job looms ahead. Our main supervisor is quitting and he is basically the only one who kept the program alive.
> So I was discussing this new development with the guy (loser ex bf), he pretty much told me I could move in with him, go back to school, and he would take care of the bills.....
> 
> I am uncomfortable and told him exactly that. He is not the first man to suggest that to me. Love bombing fool actually suggested something similar.
> We were talking about career options, I told him I would eventually want to go back to school and get my masters. He said, he would support me (financially) if I ever wanted to do that....
> 
> Now, keep in mind, I had only known this stupid guy for less than three weeks!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> loser ex bf, I have known for almost two years, so his offer is not as far fetcher (yes it is!)
> 
> Do I look like the sort of woman who wants/needs someone to (cant even think of the word!) Do I look like a freaking gold digger???? WTF is wrong with these types of men???
> Or am I over reacting?????


No. You are not. They may have excellent human intention. DO NOT DO IT THOUGH. 

I made the mistake once that they are making. So reading this almost makes me want to apologize for my own crummy behavior. They are nice guys. 

I am sorry about the stress with work. Try and start applying for another job while you can. 

--- 
On your note about her comments with me. 

Maybe she does want that, but she hasn't stated it 100%. I left that door open. I did take the time to tell her that as far as any other kind of forward movement goes, I am going to lean on her for understanding about her feelings and not assume or pressure anything. 

I added on that the biggest compliment I could give her as a human being. Was that if we were just friends. I could trust around my son. But if she wants to keep dating for a relationship, then we will continue our present course. No kid introductions, just us and having fun. 

On an unrelated note. Even though my primary LL is physical and YES this drives me bat**** crazy that I do not engage in even hand holding at the moment. We do have moments where physical contact is initiated, (she had her feet propped on/against legs for a while during lunch) so I think I could. However, me as the man I am. I have honest feelings for her, (not love or marriage) so I am also trying to enjoy getting to know her for her. I warn her often what my LL are. 

She is a counselor, on top of that a counselor that shares a belief system with me. Just gotta wait for the bad stuff to come out. As of now, I have uncovered pretty much all my "skeletons" in my closet that people consider deal breakers, and she wants to see me again. So that's a plus.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Huh? Loser ex-bf made you pretty UNHAPPY. Are you doing some history rewriting?


Haha! Not rewriting history, at the current time I am pretty happy being with him. If and when things change, I'll end it again. 

Does anyone know of any FB groups for backpacking in Europe?

Maybe if my job ends I'll take a month off and travel around Europe. I'd much rather do it backpacking style
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Acoa said:


> Good to hear business is good. Life stress is easier to deal with when you don't have financial stress.
> 
> And stop building up to some 'big conversation'. Just shut up and kiss the girl. You've been together long enough you should be able to put some moves on her without her calling foul.
> 
> If she at some point stops you, that's fine. Tell her you have a high sexual drive. That you like her and have been very patient. But you fear she doesn't have the sex drive to match yours. And that's fine, but if she doesn't, then maybe you both shouldn't be investing this much time in each other.
> 
> Then do this one magical thing that will change your life. SHUT UP!
> 
> Just listen. She will be silent for a while. Probably figuring out how to phrase what she wants to say. Just wait for it. You'll know what it means when she says it. But WAIT for it. Even if you sit there for 10m half naked feeling like a dumb ass.
> 
> She will either dump you on the spot, give you the green light or tell you something you didn't know that will give you a better understanding of where she is coming from.
> 
> It should go without saying that no means no. And I suggest doing this on a sober night. Don't get her drunk and try it. The idea is to make it crystal clear that sex is important to you, that you can wait, but it needs to be on the table, and you need to understand why she doesn't seem interested.


I'm still stressed, mostly bc I have alot riding on me at the moment, but everything is going very smoothly thus far, underestimating myself and my team.

I'll deal with miss pony tomorrow night. Not going to ruin a good day today! Even if it goes south, once I pick up my little cuteness on sat morning I'll be happy again


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I'm still stressed, mostly bc I have alot riding on me at the moment, but everything is going very smoothly thus far, underestimating myself and my team.
> 
> I'll deal with miss pony tomorrow night. Not going to ruin a good day today! Even if it goes south, once I pick up my little cuteness on sat morning I'll be happy again


Ms pony will be sad to know she weighs so little in your heart .

Though I know what you mean
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

That's only because I refuse to allow her to weigh more, as others mentioned, that's one big box she hasn't ticked.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Good to know this .
> 
> But yes the gold diggers can smell the gold source n can play the man well and the man can be very willing to be "dug into" of his gold .
> 
> Seriously , these women are really good . my gf n I always say we need to be disciples of them .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wonder if miss pony is a gold digger, and if she is she's a very good one - as she has triggered no instinctual caution from me in that regard - and I'm normally quite suspicious.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> So busy! Im so happy cause im making $$$!
> 
> miss pony been calling me, ive been trying to delay our inevitable 'talk' ... *sigh*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RD, what do you do for a living? Are you in event planning or something? Just curious.


----------



## RandomDude

Similar, I manage and direct several venues from hotels to restaurants though my focus these days are functions/conferences/events. I mostly take care of business development focusing on securing and maintaining corporate clients, now I'm managing new projects due to expansion at the same time as well as managing operations. It's been a near 10 year career in sales and hospitality both. In other words, I wear a suit all day and make money


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Wonder if miss pony is a gold digger, and if she is she's a very good one - as she has triggered no instinctual caution from me in that regard - and I'm normally quite suspicious.


Like I said before . my ex said money is not important as he's a simple man . 

Omg ! What a deceiver ! What an understatement of the century !

I should have noticed . on hind sight it is always perfect sight . he knows the brand names and talks of riches and dreams of success n money with no perception of hard work . all the time selling me simple guy simple life . 

I have learnt . people sell the opposites of what they really are sometimes . they sell what you want to see to get what you have because they want to have what you have . and they know you seek simplicity . 

Talking about my experience .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

That's the thing, with ur ex there were red flags yes?

There's no red flags with miss pony, she's happy with her finances and finds joy in non-material aspects of life. This is one big box she ticked, making me wary of sabotaging things since.

So she's either a really good actress or she's actually for real


----------



## Lifescript

FB girl replied (2 days later). I asked her out for Saturday. 

Her reply: 

"have to work on Saturday and then have something to do but i let you know when i finish"


----------



## foolscotton3

A chick flaked out on me today, I regret giving her my number now, last thing I need is some insecure girl text bombing me while I am out meeting real women.

I think now that I am single, I am going to start traveling, take my 11yr old son around the world so he can tell people of all the places he has visited. I personally have never left the country.

So, where should we go this summer?


----------



## vi_bride04

foolscotton3 said:


> A chick flaked out on me today, I regret giving her my number now, last thing I need is some insecure girl text bombing me while I am out meeting real women.
> 
> I think now that I am single, I am going to start traveling, take my 11yr old son around the world so he can tell people of all the places he has visited. I personally have never left the country.
> 
> So, where should we go this summer?


Google voice is a great way to give a number but it not be your real number. There are alot of options to ignore/not receive messages through that as well.

I always hand out my Google voice# with OLD

Or Kik.. That app uses usernames instead of phone #s


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> FB girl replied (2 days later). I asked her out for Saturday.
> 
> Her reply:
> 
> "have to work on Saturday and then have something to do but i let you know when i finish"


Don't engage her anymore. She is not interested, if she was she would have offered another day. 




foolscotton3 said:


> A chick flaked out on me today, I regret giving her my number now, last thing I need is some insecure girl text bombing me while I am out meeting real women.
> 
> I think now that I am single, I am going to start traveling, take my 11yr old son around the world so he can tell people of all the places he has visited. I personally have never left the country.
> 
> So, where should we go this summer?


 Go to Peru!! I had a wonderful time! Or Greece. Or or you could backpack through Europe with me!! I would rather not do it alone 
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

I'll reply "ok" 

And leave it at that. 

I have so many places I want to go 

I hear Greece is beautiful


----------



## foolscotton3

Backpacking through Europe sounds nice...

My son and I are fascinated with WWII. I remember a few conversations with him about the Holocaust. When I was a lad I remember being so immersed in the stories retold by survivors, and wanted to see it for myself.

Has anybody ever been to the death camps? Did you see children there, or would that be something to wait until he is a bit older than 11 to experience?


----------



## ne9907

foolscotton3 said:


> Backpacking through Europe sounds nice...
> 
> My son and I are fascinated with WWII. I remember a few conversations with him about the Holocaust. When I was a lad I remember being so immersed in the stories retold by survivors, and wanted to see it for myself.
> 
> Has anybody ever been to the death camps? Did you see children there, or would that be something to wait until he is a bit older than 11 to experience?


I have a long time ago. At 11 I feel it's an appropriate age to view the camps. He might not be able to grasp the immensity of what happened but he will appreciate the value of human life. 
The camps are (or were) very solemn and quiet with an eeriness associated with the place. I feel all humans should visit them because we tend to forget the atrocities caused by fear, a diseased mind, and mass thinking effect. 

Another tourist place would be checkpoint Charlie in Berlin, and it f
Course the remaining of the Berlin Wall. I have also visited those places.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

foolscotton3 said:


> A chick flaked out on me today, I regret giving her my number now, last thing I need is some insecure girl text bombing me while I am out meeting real women.
> 
> I think now that I am single, I am going to start traveling, take my 11yr old son around the world so he can tell people of all the places he has visited. I personally have never left the country.
> 
> So, where should we go this summer?


Japan. Best food ever. Gorgeous parks. Baseball games. Insane arcades. Fantastic museums. Awe-inspiring temples. They know how to live.


----------



## foolscotton3

I figured out why I have been getting so many conversations initiated by women online.

It's not the weather...

It's because I put that I'm looking for someone with an eye for interior design, because I want to do some projects around the house.

Just went back and read all the messages I skipped over and every single one of them responded to the like.


----------



## RandomDude

Fk wat a screwup today... bah! Meh was bound to happen, I totally jinxed it being on a roll

well... today was fking sh-t so going to make it worse by having 'da talk' with miss pony tonight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

This is so wrong but I am with the ex bf and his friends. We are drinking, talking, just celebrating St Patrick's day and I am having so much fun!!

I told him I love him ... He said it back.... I am drunk but I feel as I love him and he loves me and that makes me sooooooo happy...

I am happy. Living in the present and I am happy. Thank you God, thank you Universe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> This is so wrong but I am with the ex bf and his friends. We are drinking, talking, just celebrating St Patrick's day and I am having so much fun!!
> 
> I told him I love him ... He said it back.... I am drunk but I feel as I love him and he loves me and that makes me sooooooo happy...
> 
> I am happy. Living in the present and I am happy. Thank you God, thank you Universe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aw.  Yes, live in the moment...have a wonderful time!!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> This is so wrong but I am with the ex bf and his friends. We are drinking, talking, just celebrating St Patrick's day and I am having so much fun!!
> 
> I told him I love him ... He said it back.... I am drunk but I feel as I love him and he loves me and that makes me sooooooo happy...
> 
> I am happy. Living in the present and I am happy. Thank you God, thank you Universe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




:scratchhead:


----------



## kingsfan

As a guy, I question if he's just drunk and horny to be honest.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> That's the thing, with ur ex there were red flags yes?
> 
> There's no red flags with miss pony, she's happy with her finances and finds joy in non-material aspects of life. This is one big box she ticked, making me wary of sabotaging things since.
> 
> So she's either a really good actress or she's actually for real


Wrong .

It is only red flags on hind sight . maybe I am young or maybe stupid . but I am not stupid . so that leaves ex to be a great actor . 

During the times together , there were no red flags as I believe what he says . n I must say he lives simple too . only after being married , things became inconsistent n hence I was confused but yet i hang on to what i know of him , thinking that these so call inconsistency is one off n will pass . 

Later , these inconsistency became the norm n you wonder where's the man you married . He hid the real personality well . it became full blown real exposé of his real self when there's no more money to sucker from me anymore . I won't participate anymore . I realize too late .

His words to me when I asked ( in tears ) what do you want , and his reply were - continue as we were , you continue to pay for the family n I use my money for myself n my parents n sisters n you shut the fuzk up about the debts my family owe you , and I will play happy family with you . 

So .... That's how he thinks . 

Wimp .


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

foolscotton3 said:


> I figured out why I have been getting so many conversations initiated by women online.
> 
> It's not the weather...
> 
> It's because I put that I'm looking for someone with an eye for interior design, because I want to do some projects around the house.
> 
> Just went back and read all the messages I skipped over and every single one of them responded to the like.


So they just wanted to earn your money ?

Money talks .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

All the back pack holiday is only a fantasy for me . sigh . 

First , there's work n kids .

Secondly , I am petite size . easy target . no way it is safe .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Wrong .
> 
> It is only red flags on hind sight . maybe I am young or maybe stupid . but I am not stupid . so that leaves ex to be a great actor .
> 
> During the times together , there were no red flags as I believe what he says . n I must say he lives simple too . only after being married , things became inconsistent n hence I was confused but yet i hang on to what i know of him , thinking that these so call inconsistency is one off n will pass .
> 
> Later , these inconsistency became the norm n you wonder where's the man you married . He hid the real personality well . it became full blown real exposé of his real self when there's no more money to sucker from me anymore . I won't participate anymore . I realize too late .
> 
> His words to me when I asked ( in tears ) what do you want , and his reply were - continue as we were , you continue to pay for the family n I use my money for myself n my parents n sisters n you shut the fuzk up about the debts my family owe you , and I will play happy family with you .
> 
> So .... That's how he thinks .
> 
> Wimp .
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


=/

Well... that's disconcerting... maybe I should have hid my finances from miss pony from the very beginning, now I have no real way to test her.

Speaking of her, she was quite understanding of what I had to say, I pretty much copied the lines u guys recommended and it went... fairly smoothly, no "OMG WTFs" or anything. She says she's been thinking about it and fantasizing about it too, but wants it to feel right. Either way we identified the problem but yet with no solution either than letting time sort us out.

Meh... now I'm worried she's playing me


----------



## foolscotton3

tripad said:


> So they just wanted to earn your money ?
> 
> Money talks .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, they want to express themselves through creative design. Each woman I have talked to has told me that they would help renovate my property.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Well... that's disconcerting... maybe I should have hid my finances from miss pony from the very beginning, now I have no real way to test her.
> 
> Speaking of her, she was quite understanding of what I had to say, I pretty much copied the lines u guys recommended and it went... fairly smoothly, no "OMG WTFs" or anything. She says she's been thinking about it and fantasizing about it too, but wants it to feel right. Either way we identified the problem but yet with no solution either than letting time sort us out.
> 
> Meh... now I'm worried she's playing me


Manipulate the situation.
I'm not saying you should keep dropping hints, but plan for the right moment.

She already knows she has a choice, now make riding RD the right choice.

Plan a romantic weekend getaway that ends with a bottle of wine and one sleeping bag. Don't pressure her to make a decision, but present her with the 'right' moments to make the decision.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Funny about interior design.
I think it shows an interest in home-making and doing an activity together to make a 'nest'. 
Also shows that you are going to provide activities that involve 2 people, some conversation, some idea generation, and getting to know each other since interior design really is going to reflect your personality and lifestyle. 

Be careful though, things might snowball!


I was joking a while back about buying a house that needs renovating as a great big billboard saying 'single woman seeking man'.
Ironically, I started (seriously) dating a man I met a few years ago on Match, and liked, and who liked me too and wanted to date more but it was not a good time for me and he thinks that was a good call as he was in flux too. (It was before I had this kick-a** job situation and a house and before he had dated many people since divorcing.) And then, he said he has all these tools from his former jobs and building a house with his ex, and he wants to help. I honestly did not see that coming. I was worried he would not be interested since I am getting my own house. I made sure to point out that there is unfinished business with the house, I'm having the new septic located further away so that a master bedroom with a patio view to future hot tub can be built, and the leach field that's being put in accommodates another bedroom. The property is also ideal for a dog, has a couple fenced in areas, one of them quite large, set up for electric. (It has a horse barn...) He is wiring a hot tub for his friends right now. lol. Nice to know. 

In my mind, I wanted to buy my own house, that I loved, in my own town, with my own money. In a perfect world, I really wanted to do this with someone else, but then I decided that was stupid to wait, and saw an opportunity and decided that it was too good/right not to jump on it. I have a contractor as it's a rehab loan but plenty left over, so do not 'need' someone and can afford the house easily enough. So the thing I 'let go' was being able to work on my dream home with a real partner/lover/friend. 

So this is weird...too. 
Two things that have always been on my dream list for a home: a yurt and being on a rail trail.
When I looked at the property with the septic designer, he showed me a post with an outlet on it in the back field, and when the snow melted, there was a round circle with packed sand, a set of steps, and a gravel 'yard' - the satellite photo he gave me showed a yurt situated there. Site work for a yurt is half the work. 

The other thing I wanted was to be on a rail trail. There is one, within a stone's throw, but it's just a mile long and dead-ends at the highway. But the loan officer told me today that rail trail is going to be connected to another one that will connect further north, and further south, to our capital city (about 12 miles away) and then to other trails. I used to lust after homes on a rail trail in another town but the rest of the living situation didn't measure up for us. 

I wanted a horse barn too but in my conscious rational mind that was an impossibility. 
There's also a workshop, which is huge, set up to accommodate heat, and is wired (as is the barn) with circuit breakers.

My kids are putting up a ham radio antenna (it will be grounded by an electrician). And there is a woods, senior center, library, walking trails, playing fields and XC skiing, all nearby. Brook on the property. 

Just please let the appraisal be enough, or I will be working more than a normal person to make up the difference. 
Otherwise, the closing is in another 5 1/2 weeks in which I'll be working almost as much as a normal workweek...
This will be my 'normal' until my kids finish school. Then I go on contract at 25 hours a week, which is great timing since I'll be moving into the house and wanting to enjoy it. (And the kids go off to camp for about a month...lol, good timing for breaking in the house.)


----------



## foolscotton3

I just wanted to be close to the lake, where I could hear the waves crashing at night while I sleep.

It's nice I'm less than a block from the slip.

My house needs a ton of work, but I make really good money and can actually save now that I rid myself of the parasite.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Well... that's disconcerting... maybe I should have hid my finances from miss pony from the very beginning, now I have no real way to test her.
> 
> Speaking of her, she was quite understanding of what I had to say, I pretty much copied the lines u guys recommended and it went... fairly smoothly, no "OMG WTFs" or anything. She says she's been thinking about it and fantasizing about it too, but wants it to feel right. Either way we identified the problem but yet with no solution either than letting time sort us out.
> 
> Meh... now I'm worried she's playing me


RD, what if she is just overthinking things? I am like that?
Think about it, a woman is going to be making a decision she might be living with forever, or intends to.
I would give some thought to that.
Some people kind of fall into meaningful relationships, other people seek out meaning, and then make relationships.
Keep in mind if she is this kind of person, and you sought her out (i.e. it wasn't something she was initially in control of, in terms of finding and identifying you) then it may take even more thinking...she may not trust you entirely! I mean, a woman is minding her own business, out and about, and the Perfect Man, asks her for her number. Before that, there is 0 connection between the 2, their paths have never crossed. Really, what are the odds? She may be wondering what the catch is, for the ax to fall. I honestly think a bit of testing is warranted by her in this circumstance. You need to remember, you know you, you have had all those years of your life to know you, and although you feel transparent, transparency is not always obvious. 

I always have to remind myself that the way my life looks to most people who do not live such an eccentric life, is very suspicious and may take some while for anyone to realize that my day to day habits and thinking in personal relationships, etc. is really unremarkable, except in the sense that there is nothing to hide/no deceit, etc. 

Just be patient, and calm down.


----------



## foolscotton3

Maybe she just thinks your after sex; she did assume you were a 'player' from the get go.

So, you're worried she's a gold digger, and she's worried you're a player.

So you two are testing each other in a very healthy, yet frustrating fashion.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah well, I don't trust her either, and maybe I should have played my "anti-materialism" game to see if she would still stick with me if I was poor. Now I'm in the same position as before with ex-GF; no way to test her, unless I make up some BS about losing money but then that's not a reliable test as she'll probably get turned off bc of my stress not bc of money - so I still can't test whether she's in it for the gold or not. The problem is, she's passed the other tests, and it was her idea to go on a cheap date without all the spending I did in first 2 dates... so unless she's smart enough to know how to impress a man who's wary of being dug for gold, or she's actually non-material. Bah! Tripad's experience is making me wary.

Also her rural background has resulted in some ignorant views, she hasn't assumed anything or said anything stupid and has been very careful/polite yet she HAS asked very stupid racial questions, and followed up with trying to convince me that she agrees with me and reckons the racism is stupid - yet she's the one who brought up race to begin with. It's not a red flag but it was close.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh n all this without sex, all I need now is a better reason either than having to wait for sex to dump her, yet shes avoided hitting red flags or dealbreakers this far
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

First world problems bro!

Just limit yourself to cash on hand, and don't feel like you need to make it rain.

You seem tight with your money, I respect that. If she doesn't, she can do the dumping. As long as you don't have to listen to her whine about being broke, *WHO GIVES A FCK!*

In all my experience, if she was after your money, you would be up to your gills in puzzy by now.

But you're no, so breathe a little.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Not tight at all, I just dont want to be played for a sucker like wat is happening to my step dad!

as for her not fking me bc shes not after my money how does that work? Heck it could even be a sign shes only after my money n not my sexiness lol

Bah!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Not tight at all, I just dont want to be played for a sucker like wat is happening to my step dad!
> 
> as for her not fking me bc shes not after my money how does that work? Heck it could even be a sign shes only after my money n not my sexiness lol
> 
> Bah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Haha! Well, I guess you could look at it that way, but I doubt it. I think you'd be having sex by now if she was a gold digger.


----------



## RandomDude

Or maybe she be master gold digger! Like tripad's ex! Maybe she has honed her personality to the point that seduction of guys like me is an art to her!

all of which will result in the inevitable bait n switch... 

bah!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Or maybe she be master gold digger! Like tripad's ex! Maybe she has honed her personality to the point that seduction of guys like me is an art to her!
> 
> all of which will result in the inevitable bait n switch...
> 
> bah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You catastrophize too much!!!


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Or maybe she be master gold digger! Like tripad's ex! Maybe she has honed her personality to the point that seduction of guys like me is an art to her!
> 
> all of which will result in the inevitable bait n switch...
> 
> bah!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's the switch, once she gets you locked down she starts banging your brains out....

That's not a pony, that's a unicorn 

Im sorry you have to wait to break this one RD, but I can't wait until you do.


----------



## RandomDude

SecondTime'Round said:


> You catastrophize too much!!!


'Tis because I like to be prepared for the worst! Besides, preparation prevents piss poor performance! 



foolscotton3 said:


> What's the switch, once she gets you locked down she starts banging your brains out....
> 
> That's not a pony, that's a unicorn
> 
> Im sorry you have to wait to break this one RD, but I can't wait until you do.


IF I do... which may be never


----------



## sosotte

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing great. I'm hoping y'all can help me with your special insight and advice.

So it's been almost 3 years since D, and I have been dating and even had a boyfriend for a while. We broke up in Sept and early Jan I met this new guy. I'm 34 and he's 29 so there is a bit of an age difference. The thing is we really hit it off super quickly, had sex on the first date and each date we have had so far (5-6) has been truly amazing. There is clear chemistry.

BUT he told me on the second date that he just got out of a 8 years relationship two months earlier and is not ready for a new LTR. I told him at that moment that in this case I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. But he messaged me again two days later saying he felt really sad and didn't want to stop seeing me. I was really happy he messaged again actually, and so I also told him then I even if I did want more, I could do with what little he can offer for now and respected the fact that he was so honest with me and that I was willing to try it his way and be more casual about it.

Now last week, we had our last date during which he told me that I was so amazing, he felt like he was falling in love with me already. After that, during the next 3 days, we barely talked, I didn't message him a lot, because I didn't want to be pushy and tried to be casual. And he only sent a few messages.

Finally he messages me and tells me he wants to talk to me. He comes to my house and tells me that we should stop seeing each others. That he feels like it's not the right time for him and that he thinks it's unfair to me. Also said something about feeling that I'm way to good for him, and that I didn't seem very interested anyway since I barely text him (when I was actually doing it on purpose to be more casual because I thought that's what he wanted). I told him again I was fine with our arrangement for now and didn't ask for anything more than see him once a while when he felt like it, but he insisted wee should not. So I let him go.

Last night, he messaged me about having a drink. We met and it was very friendly, no talk about us or what happened, and at some point he kisses me on the cheek, but nothing more. Later at night, when I was back home, he sent me a text sending a kiss and another one saying I'm sorry. I didn't feel like talking about this through text so I just replied with a smiley face. This morning we messaged some more, and he told me he had been working two days on a thing I asked his help with when we were still dating. 

What does it all mean?? What should I do now?


----------



## tripad

Hate to second guess a man's thoughts . either he's playing your emotions or he's unsure . stop playing before you get hurt . my 2¢.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

sosotte said:


> he just got out of a 8 years relationship two months earlier and is not ready for a new LTR.






sosotte said:


> , I could do with what little he can offer for now and respected the fact that he was so honest with me and that I was willing to try it his way and be more casual about it.
> 
> .



Why did you agree to a fwb arrangement when you wanted more? 




sosotte said:


> Finally he messages me and tells me he wants to talk to me. He comes to my house and tells me that we should stop seeing each others. That he feels like it's not the right time for him and that he thinks it's unfair to me. Also said something about feeling that I'm way to good for him, and that I didn't seem very interested anyway since I barely text him (when I was actually doing it on purpose to be more casual because I thought that's what he wanted). I told him again I was fine with our arrangement for now and didn't ask for anything more than see him once a while when he felt like it, but he insisted wee should not. So I let him go.
> 
> 
> 
> Last night, he messaged me about having a drink. We met and it was very friendly, no talk about us or what happened, and at some point he kisses me on the cheek, but nothing more. Later at night, when I was back home, he sent me a text sending a kiss and another one saying I'm sorry. I didn't feel like talking about this through text so I just replied with a smiley face. This morning we messaged some more, and he told me he had been working two days on a thing I asked his help with when we were still dating.
> 
> 
> 
> What does it all mean?? What should I do now?



He's all over the place and using you. It means that he only cares about himself and doesn't want a relationship. 

Be honest about what you want. He can either step up or step aside. Are you dating other guys? Or just him?


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## RandomDude

Been thinking really, the women in my city have become quite infamous it seems, it's common knowledge now, published even, and one thing that struck me is that, even if miss pony is telling the truth, that she isn't a gold digger, it's due to having grown up outside of the city... but how long before she "assimilates" into the city's culture? Like so many others. Heck even expats or immigrants make up the majority of my own inner circle but even then I already noticed the longer they stay, the more they assimilate, it's only natural.

And how do I know if the city hasn't affected me too? The competition, the rat-race, I saw it as a challenge and embraced it in my professional life, but outside, I like to think I still remain the country boy I was when I grew up. But am I? I've become paranoid, women didn't consider me more than fkbuddy material until ex-wife came along, I was too poor. And ex-wife herself despite being raised here she seems to have been "shielded" and continuously "guided" by her faith and religion (also why despite my disagreements with her religion I respected her choice). Now that I've made it big it's almost like I've also become bitter, untrusting and wary. I am sickened by women all flocking to me only NOW due to my status and position that I worked my ass off for that they weren't there for. I assume the worse of them because of what I've seen. Ex-wife had her problems but she's a quality woman especially compared to the majority of women in my city, she played a part in my wealth by giving me a family, and nothing has ever motivated me more to succeed than my daughter.

I'm wishing that miss pony is just like that, a quality woman like ex-wife, yet I feel I am hoping too much, and even feeling arrogant that I even DARE to hope for a soulmate. All the "boxes" she ticked, it's even likely what I want to believe, to twist her words and actions in a positive light, to tell myself that she's actually someone worthwhile, when I can still be lying to myself. Lying to myself because I refuse to believe the reality that this city is toxic and I'm fked bc I'm stuck here cause of work and daughter and ex-wife.

I don't know...


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## Miss Independent

Jesus RD.... You're.........


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## RandomDude

... pessimistic? 

If so, im wat an optomist calls a realist 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

I think you are still holding your ex on a pedestal, RD and why you have so many issues with new women who come into your life.... You always seem to think no one will ever compare to your ex.


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## RandomDude

Thats bc she was there when I earned a mere 20k a year working part time. She married me with that income. She gave me a daughter who inspired me to succeed, and I became sole provider for the entirety of our marriage, from 20k to 50 to 100 to 200 she was there all the way.

Even if I no longer love her, she has set a standard. How is this so hard to understand? She loved me for me, n thats my standard that I refuse to compromise
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> thats my standard that I refuse to compromise
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



And no one is asking you to compromise. I understand wanting people to love you for who you are. 

I find it sad that you don't think that you have a lot to offer. You keep obsessing about your money. Chill, there's more to you than money. Why are you scared of being hurt? 

Before you go on about me not understanding your situation: 
1.my dad has tons of money and some people have been nice to me due to his money. 
2. I'm "hot" "sexy" "arm candy". Don't you think that there are some men who like me for that and not for me, yet I just keep my eyes open and bail at the first sign. I don't obsess about it. 

Just chill and stop worrying so much. 


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> ... pessimistic?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Nah I'm scared of finishing it for fear of being banned. 


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## RandomDude

Ey? Screwed up? Messed up? Something like that? PM me if u dont want the mods to see it (can't see why they would ban you though)

And how does - having a standard for non-material women - equate to thinking that I have nothing to offer?
I know I have ALOT to offer, and I want someone who can appreciate THAT about me, not my success, not $$$ which is nothing to me but a means to an end.

My own mother dug gold, and she's shameless about it, justified it, married into wealth. I sure as hell don't want to be like stepdad.


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## vi_bride04

Ah mommy issues, that's where all of this is coming from. Makes total sense now.


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> And how does - having a standard for non-material women - equate to thinking that I have nothing to offer?
> 
> .



You keep going on about whether miss Pony is with you because of your money. I have yet to see you write that maybe she likes you ect... If you think that you have a lot to offer and miss Pony, or any woman, would be lucky to have you, why are you so worried about her being with for your money? Why do you keep doubting her? 




RandomDude said:


> My own mother dug gold, and she's shameless about it, justified it, married into wealth. I sure as hell don't want to be like stepdad.



Not every woman is like your mother. 

My father was physically violent towards my mother. Are all men like him? 


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## RandomDude

Never said every woman is like my mother, I wouldn't have married ex-wife if that was the case! But I know how they think, how they justify it, how shameless they can be about it, my mother and I have reconciled over 12 years, and even though I disagree with what she's doing, not to mention what she did when I was a child, she's still my mother and I do not hate her. In fact, I still care about her, and sad that she has decided to be content with loneliness for the sake of financial stability.

As for writing what miss pony likes about me - are you kidding?! That's bragging! Not going to do that! I have mentioned that yes, she does pour alot of honey in my ears, but is she playing me? How can I tell? If tripad didn't even have a clue about her ex-husband's gold digging ways prior to marriage how can I fair better?

I dunno... think her story has made me abit paranoid...


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## foolscotton3

If she was after your money, you would have been laid long time by now.

The problem is that she is showing you that she is not after your money by holding you to her standards, which don't take in account your wealth.

That throws you off, it's what you want, but.... You're butt hurt that you can't have your cake and eat it too.

You have a girlfriend that is treating you the same as if you make 20k a year. But she has her own standards, and you can't buy your way into her honey pot. If you dump this one you will regret it RD, because your going to compare every women thereafter to pony.
You are already comparing all the women in your city to her, that's healthy, as long as you aren't considering dumping her for the materialistic masses.


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## RandomDude

It throws me off because yes it's softening me up, enveloping me in a fog, I can't see sh-t, all I see and hear from her just makes me think she's too fking good to be true. As for the lack of sex, I still see it as her being unattracted, I dunno.

Meh... ok you know what? I refuse to believe it.

Tripad, I simply don't believe it, there must have been signs, deep down inside, red flags, stings in your gut that you didn't acknowledge. No human being can be so flawless in their deception. I refuse to believe it


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## TooNice

spinsterdurga said:


> Just chill and stop worrying so much.


^^^^THIS^^^^

If she was shallow and money-grabbing, you would know it by now. You know the things to look for, RD. You've been around enough to see the signs, and she's not showing them. As for your concerns about her master seduction skills, her age alone makes me think she doesn't have the experience to be THAT good at it. Especially to pull the wool over the eyes of someone like you. 

Stop obsessing, RD and ENJOY this. For heaven's sake, enjoy it for the rest of us who are not finding our own versions of Miss or Mr Pony!

Just chill and stop worrying so much.


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## RandomDude

Yeah... I've been over thinking again.

I dunno, even without sex I really enjoy her company. She gets my jokes, and we don't take ourselves seriously, knows how to make me feel good, she even points out animals with me, calls them with me, chase them with me, we can spend 15 minutes out of the blue trying to get the trust of a stray dog or cat, and we even work as a team to tame them! She joins me when I dare her to dance, she joins me when I dare her to sing, she joins me when I make funny accents, she is fun! She makes me simply, happy. I come out of work, exhausted with stress and find difficulty in switching off, we share stories and hers switch me off my work, then suddenly I'm in another world. That's the way she makes me feel. And never once have I been pressured to pull out my cards, in fact, I always have to pull it out before she does bc she keeps trying to pay! It's annoying but I love it!

I mean... can someone really fake all that?


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## foolscotton3

No, nobody can fake that. She is about as carefree as it gets.

My advice is to keep a number handy for the walk in clinic just in case either of you needs a rabies shot.


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## RandomDude

Ey? But what if there's a lurker right now, reading these posts, and taking notes? Always the possibility no? I dunno...

Bah, but even actors have to take multiple cuts to get the right message across, so as you say - nobody can fake that, at least not like this, day by day, triggering no instinctual spike, nothing out of place, my conscious AND subconscious mind failing to pick up anything that I don't already know.

Meh you're right, I'll quit fussing...


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## FeministInPink

sosotte said:


> Hi guys, I hope you're all doing great. I'm hoping y'all can help me with your special insight and advice.
> 
> So it's been almost 3 years since D, and I have been dating and even had a boyfriend for a while. We broke up in Sept and early Jan I met this new guy. I'm 34 and he's 29 so there is a bit of an age difference. The thing is we really hit it off super quickly, had sex on the first date and each date we have had so far (5-6) has been truly amazing. There is clear chemistry.
> 
> BUT he told me on the second date that he just got out of a 8 years relationship two months earlier and is not ready for a new LTR. I told him at that moment that in this case I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. But he messaged me again two days later saying he felt really sad and didn't want to stop seeing me. I was really happy he messaged again actually, and so I also told him then I even if I did want more, I could do with what little he can offer for now and respected the fact that he was so honest with me and that I was willing to try it his way and be more casual about it.
> 
> Now last week, we had our last date during which he told me that I was so amazing, he felt like he was falling in love with me already. After that, during the next 3 days, we barely talked, I didn't message him a lot, because I didn't want to be pushy and tried to be casual. And he only sent a few messages.
> 
> Finally he messages me and tells me he wants to talk to me. He comes to my house and tells me that we should stop seeing each others. That he feels like it's not the right time for him and that he thinks it's unfair to me. Also said something about feeling that I'm way to good for him, and that I didn't seem very interested anyway since I barely text him (when I was actually doing it on purpose to be more casual because I thought that's what he wanted). I told him again I was fine with our arrangement for now and didn't ask for anything more than see him once a while when he felt like it, but he insisted wee should not. So I let him go.
> 
> Last night, he messaged me about having a drink. We met and it was very friendly, no talk about us or what happened, and at some point he kisses me on the cheek, but nothing more. Later at night, when I was back home, he sent me a text sending a kiss and another one saying I'm sorry. I didn't feel like talking about this through text so I just replied with a smiley face. This morning we messaged some more, and he told me he had been working two days on a thing I asked his help with when we were still dating.
> 
> What does it all mean?? What should I do now?


 @sosotte--When a man tells/shows you who he is, believe him.

This man is not ready for a relationship--or he simply doesn't want one with you.

The chemistry is good, and you're making the sex readily available, so he's coming back for more. But chemistry doesn't guarantee a relationship, and chemistry frequently encourages us to pursue things (people, relationships) that are bad for us. He's just out of an 8-yr relationship. He misses having a woman's companionship and physical affection. But he's not ready for a relationship. He told you that. *He is emotionally unavailable. *And you said, OK, well, then I'll take what I can get... so he's giving you the bare minimum so that he can continue to get laid without having to make any commitment. You basically told him, I value myself so little that I will go ahead and give myself to you even though you're not willing to give me what I want and deserve. This gives him permission to devalue you, and it tells him that you're desperate. 

If you want a relationship, don't sleep with someone who doesn't want a relationship. Your body produces bonding hormones every time you sleep with him, so you're subconsciously becoming more bonded to a man who isn't interested in making any commitment to you.

You are, essentially, making yourself unavailable to other men (men who may be a better fit and interested in a relationship) by continuing to sleep with this one.

Break it off and go no contact with this guy, or continue to sleep with this guy so that his needs are continually met while yours are completely disregarded.

It's your choice.

Go read He's Just Not That Into You. Or read this Cliff Notes version--take a look at list item number 2.


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## sosotte

wow thanks a lot FiP. That really helped


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## FeministInPink

sosotte said:


> wow thanks a lot FiP. That really helped


Good, I'm glad it helped.

And give yourself some time to heal, too--your first post-divorce relationship just ended. You don't have to jump into another relationship right away. You might not be ready, either.

I'm not advocating continuing to knock boots with this guy, since you clearly WANT a relationship with him. But what about dating casually, WITHOUT sex?

Why do you like men, aside from the fact that they can give you sex? For example, men are sexually attracted to women, of course, but any guy will be able to tell you 10 things he likes about women besides sex. The way they smell, their voices, their hair... whatever. What do YOU like about men? Go out, date, and enjoy THOSE THINGS without worrying if you're going to get laid, or if this is going to end in a relationship.


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## moxy

TooNice said:


> If she was shallow and money-grabbing, you would know it by now. You know the things to look for, RD. You've been around enough to see the signs, and she's not showing them.


In my opinion, most people who are shallow money-grubbers will be less intricate in their deceptions and schemes, more interested in the quick con than the long game. Anyone interested in the long game is in it for the mind-fvck, and you may want to look for signs of power-hungry behaviors, rather than money-hungry ones. If you've been hanging out with this person for a while, and "gold-digger" isn't the feeling you're left with immediately, then you may just be reading too much into the situation. You already know that you have issues about that sort of thing. So, take a step back and figure out what you want and be willing to be more honest and less manipulative with yourself.



RandomDude said:


> Ey? But what if there's a lurker right now, reading these posts, and taking notes? Always the possibility no? I dunno...


I am frequently paranoid about this. Sometimes, my ex-h knows things about my life that I haven't told him and I wonder how he knows them. No one in my family talks to him and we are not in touch on social media. He knew about my membership on this forum during our very short-lived marriage, and may have been keeping tabs on me that way. I am trying so hard to remind myself that it doesn't matter. So what if he sees what I am saying? It doesn't change anything; I don't want anything from him and I want both of us to move on with our very separate lives. The desire to protect ourselves and our interests is strong, and it can fuel this paranoid process of thought. What does that get you, though? Does anything change? Worry less about the game, less about securing the object of your romantic ambition, and more about figuring out what will truly make you feel happy and comfortable in a relationship/connection/whatever. RD, I think you play mind-games with yourself sometimes.



FeministInPink said:


> @sosotte But chemistry doesn't guarantee a relationship, and chemistry frequently encourages us to pursue things (people, relationships) that are bad for us.


So, so true! 

Sometimes, the temptation is too much and the short time satisfaction is worth it. However, if you know that you prefer a long term commitment, then you may want to be careful about the person with whom you seek it! Repeatedly giving in to short-term gratification un-trains the kind of discipline and commitment needed for a long-term relationship, in my opinion.


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## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> Why do you like men, aside from the fact that they can give you sex? For example, men are sexually attracted to women, of course, but any guy will be able to tell you 10 things he likes about women besides sex. The way they smell, their voices, their hair... whatever. What do YOU like about men? Go out, date, and enjoy THOSE THINGS without worrying if you're going to get laid, or if this is going to end in a relationship.


This is a great question.... As I sit here and try to think of an answer I am going blank.

I feel I am becoming jaded as I honestly can't think of anything other than sex that I enjoy from a man. And I think it comes from this hook up culture I've been participating in for the last few years.

Hmmm..... This makes me sad and lose hope


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## hope4family

I had a date again with the one girl I am seeing. We held hands, eventually she let go and we finished our walk. It was basically a meet together/walk/lunch date before she goes out of town. 

I'm not sure where this is headed. So I am just enjoying myself. Sadly I am so in tune with my physical needs, I don't really "feel" too good or bad with her. I guess the bigger crux is the honest concern of "falling in love." But it's too early to say that, although in many ways, I am kinda sitting around like RD (@RandomDude) seeing if she is even attracted. By now women I have dated in the past we would have been all over each other in one way or another. 

Either way, I guess I am just committed to dating her more because she tells me it takes a while for her to decide. To be fair, I don't want to see her as a conquest, but at the same time she is telling me to pursue her.


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## RandomDude

Just found this smiley WTF?! lol










Bah! I STILL NEED SEX >.<


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## Acoa

hope4family said:


> I had a date again with the one girl I am seeing. We held hands, eventually she let go and we finished our walk. It was basically a meet together/walk/lunch date before she goes out of town.
> 
> I'm not sure where this is headed. So I am just enjoying myself. Sadly I am so in tune with my physical needs, I don't really "feel" too good or bad with her. I guess the bigger crux is the honest concern of "falling in love." But it's too early to say that, although in many ways, I am kinda sitting around like RD (@RandomDude) seeing if she is even attracted. By now women I have dated in the past we would have been all over each other in one way or another.
> 
> Either way, I guess I am just committed to dating her more because she tells me it takes a while for her to decide. To be fair, I don't want to see her as a conquest, but at the same time she is telling me to pursue her.


Sounds pretty normal. Many women intentionally don't come on too strong sexually. They don't want to be seen as *****ish and want you to pursue a bit. 

She may also want to wait until after her trip. Getting into a new sexual relationship right before being gone for a while can be 'frustrating'. If she has had a long dry spell, it may be pretty easy for her to hold out. But once that genie is let loose from the bottle, it gets pretty intense. Maybe she just doesn't want to be horny while she is out of town?


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## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> Sounds pretty normal. Many women intentionally don't come on too strong sexually. They don't want to be seen as *****ish and want you to pursue a bit.
> 
> She may also want to wait until after her trip. Getting into a new sexual relationship right before being gone for a while can be 'frustrating'. If she has had a long dry spell, it may be pretty easy for her to hold out. But once that genie is let loose from the bottle, it gets pretty intense. Maybe she just doesn't want to be horny while she is out of town?


I don't know, if I've been on a long dry spell, it's pretty damn hard for me to hold out. >


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## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know, if I've been on a long dry spell, it's pretty damn hard for me to hold out. >


Different strokes for different folks. Speaking of strokes, that's another way. :wink2:


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## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> This is a great question.... As I sit here and try to think of an answer I am going blank.
> 
> *I feel I am becoming jaded as I honestly can't think of anything other than sex that I enjoy from a man*. And I think it comes from this hook up culture I've been participating in for the last few years.
> 
> Hmmm..... This makes me sad and lose hope


It's hard, isn't it? I think when you've been in a string of bad relationships, or with men who have been lacking, it's hard to think of good masculine traits that you like.

When I ask myself this question, it frequently comes down to traits that I find attractive in a man. I like listening to a man who speaks in a lower register than myself; I find it very soothing. I like how some men always try to make me laugh--as if trying to figure out what I find funny and how to make me laugh is very satisfying for them, and how they are surprised when they find out that I have a really raunchy sense of humor. I like it when a man takes charge of a situation, even in just little ways, and makes sure that I'm taken care of--my male friends (even the gay ones) do this a lot. They just make me feel feminine, which is nice, because I don't get to feel that way otherwise in my day-to-day life. I just like that masculine energy, because it seems to amplify my feminine energy, even when I'm just with platonic mail friends.


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## hope4family

Acoa said:


> Sounds pretty normal. Many women intentionally don't come on too strong sexually. They don't want to be seen as *****ish and want you to pursue a bit.
> 
> She may also want to wait until after her trip. Getting into a new sexual relationship right before being gone for a while can be 'frustrating'. If she has had a long dry spell, it may be pretty easy for her to hold out. But once that genie is let loose from the bottle, it gets pretty intense. Maybe she just doesn't want to be horny while she is out of town?


Yeah, it's mostly a religious thing. As in, we BOTH have made commitments to not unless we are sure "this is it". 

My unique challenges, because I can only speak to myself. Is that I am very very used to be touched by females. Dancing has knocked out a lot of the "OMG OMG OMG OMG" part of touching. But it makes the "deliberate part" all the more interesting and exciting. 

That is to say, I feel super confident about any and all my ability's physically. The last two flings were exciting "knew you for a long time but now I realize how much I care" type situations. They weren't setup to be long term. It was always boiling down to them having long term plans, that just don't work with what I am building here. 

This is setup for long term, so I am willing to explore feelings and compatibility over sensuality and desire. When the switch occurs, I will most assuredly post about it. She buys into most of the stuff we talk about here, and that by itself is a gigantic plus.


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## sosotte

FeministInPink said:


> Good, I'm glad it helped.
> 
> And give yourself some time to heal, too--your first post-divorce relationship just ended. You don't have to jump into another relationship right away. You might not be ready, either.
> 
> I'm not advocating continuing to knock boots with this guy, since you clearly WANT a relationship with him. But what about dating casually, WITHOUT sex?
> 
> Why do you like men, aside from the fact that they can give you sex? For example, men are sexually attracted to women, of course, but any guy will be able to tell you 10 things he likes about women besides sex. The way they smell, their voices, their hair... whatever. What do YOU like about men? Go out, date, and enjoy THOSE THINGS without worrying if you're going to get laid, or if this is going to end in a relationship.


I thought that our connection was so special, it was worth taking it slow and giving him time to be ready. I mean I don't meet guys I have a great connection/chemistry with every day, and figured I could see him while I also get over my own D and BF breakup, and then when we are both better and ready to take it to the next step, we can finally build something! But I agree that maybe I should be alone 'til then. Also I would have probably kept seeing him it if he wasn't just so weird about it and hadn't sent me mixed signals.

I don't like dating at all, and although I love sex, I can have a pretty good time with my toys  What I really miss is having a BF to do things together, like go to a movie or restaurant, or just spend a day together, and mostly the cuddling and kisses and affection. I have only few friends, and even if I like seeing my friends, it's just not the same as cuddling on the sofa, or having someone bring you coffee in bed, sending you cute little text messages, etc.


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## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know, if I've been on a long dry spell, it's pretty damn hard for me to hold out. >


Wish miss pony was like you


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## RandomDude

*sigh* I can't hold it anymore, looks like it's back to the HAND...

Chances are, by the time she finally puts out, I'll either have to reject her, or embarrass myself as I'll be impotent struggling to keep it up, but damn


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## 3Xnocharm

hope4family said:


> I had a date again with the one girl I am seeing. We held hands, eventually she let go and we finished our walk. It was basically a meet together/walk/lunch date before she goes out of town.
> 
> I'm not sure where this is headed. So I am just enjoying myself. Sadly I am so in tune with my physical needs, I don't really "feel" too good or bad with her. I guess the bigger crux is the honest concern of "falling in love." But it's too early to say that, although in many ways, I am kinda sitting around like RD (@RandomDude) seeing if she is even attracted. By now women I have dated in the past we would have been all over each other in one way or another.
> 
> Either way, I guess I am just committed to dating her more because she tells me it takes a while for her to decide. To be fair, I don't want to see her as a conquest, but at the same time she is telling me to pursue her.


I hate to say this, but I think ultimately this is going to crash and burn on you. Lets say you finally cross the line into a sexual relationship with this woman...there is a very good chance with as stand-offish as she has been that you two are not going to gel in the bedroom. If she barely holds your hand in the heady, exciting honeymoon phase of your relationship, I just do not see her ever meeting your physical needs. (remembering that is your primary need/LL) Would really suck to get attached and deep into this only to learn she isn't going to meet your needs. 

Just my two cents.


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## hope4family

3Xnocharm said:


> I hate to say this, but I think ultimately this is going to crash and burn on you. Lets say you finally cross the line into a sexual relationship with this woman...there is a very good chance with as stand-offish as she has been that you two are not going to gel in the bedroom. If she barely holds your hand in the heady, exciting honeymoon phase of your relationship, I just do not see her ever meeting your physical needs. (remembering that is your primary need/LL) Would really suck to get attached and deep into this only to learn she isn't going to meet your needs.
> 
> Just my two cents.


Don't hate to say it. It's actually what is going through my mind. "Am I wasting my time." She does say it takes her time. I want to say I feel "honeymoon" feelings. I just don't yet.

At the same time though, I am dedicated to try something different. As the saying goes, repeating the same mistake and expecting different results is insanity. This time, maybe I am just trying to figure out if I am making a new mistake. I am treading water. 

On another woman note. I spoke with a co-worker last night and she admitted having feelings for me. Problem? Meh, she lives out of state. So essentially, just another woman who loves what she see's, even admits it's what she wants, but I end up saying the classical. "Sucks we are on different paths." 

It's amazing how many women discover me, even as they are on a different path. Perhaps that makes it braver for them, and the chemical reaction of validation of feelings greater. We figure out we aren't headed in the same direction, then it dies out. Then I find someone who may be interested in long term. Everything likable is there, but the physical, is petering. 

If we go to fast, it's dysfunction. If we go to slow it's not going to meet our needs. Not directing this at you @3Xnocharm. Just an observation of my already short period on dating.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

hope4family said:


> If we go to fast, it's dysfunction. If we go to slow it's not going to meet our needs. Not directing this at you @3Xnocharm. Just an observation of my already short period on dating.


I don't think that its "going slow" that is the issue here...you can wait to have sex but still show a lot of affection to each other in the meantime. When I am with someone, I am all about kissing, hand holding all the time, sitting in their lap, random touches, making out....I would lose my mind being with someone who wouldn't do these things.


----------



## GuyInColorado

I've had sex 4 times in the last 8 days. I love this girl! Met her kids and brother the other day. Going to church with them on Easter and brunch afterwards. Her mom loves me. Can't believe we've only been dating for almost 2 months, seems like it's been 6+ months. It's awesome.


----------



## Miss Independent

GuyInColorado said:


> I've had sex 4 times in the last 8 days. I love this girl! Met her kids and brother the other day. Going to church with them on Easter and brunch afterwards. Her mom loves me. Can't believe we've only been dating for almost 2 months, seems like it's been 6+ months. It's awesome.



Almost 2 months? Already in love? Slow down dear...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm

spinsterdurga said:


> Almost 2 months? Already in love? Slow down dear...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I always fall in love in a matter of weeks, LOL! However, my last marriage was a lesson about not rushing everything else! Guy sounds a little out of control!


----------



## hope4family

3Xnocharm said:


> I don't think that its "going slow" that is the issue here...you can wait to have sex but still show a lot of affection to each other in the meantime. When I am with someone, I am all about kissing, hand holding all the time, sitting in their lap, random touches, making out....I would lose my mind being with someone who wouldn't do these things.


I understand.

I'm probably going to move a bit faster when she comes back. Is it healthy to talk about it, or just "do"? 

Like RD. I can tell she has interest, and a lot of me is testing waters and looking for long term compatibility. That and we will still have a hard time hanging out for the next several weeks. My sons Mom is not going to have a sitter, which means almost 100% daddy time. 

Maybe a conversation could clear it up. When a woman says, "it takes her a while to fall in love, but i'd love to be persued." Is that an "OK" for physical contact but don't expect I love you? What is a (what will be deemed at this time) healthy womans translation of this sentence?


----------



## GuyInColorado

Are you making out like high schoolers? That's when we'd talk it up, such as "I want you so bad, right now!", "Let's go back to your place", "You're turning me on" as she feels it, etc. Then the sex just comes after both can't take it anymore.


----------



## Miss Independent

hope4family said:


> .
> 
> 
> 
> When a woman says, "it takes her a while to fall in love, but i'd love to be persued." Is that an "OK" for physical contact but don't expect I love you? What is a (what will be deemed at this time) healthy womans translation of this sentence?



You don't need to be in love to hold hand and make out. You can be attracted to someone without being in love. I don't know if it's an "OK" but I'd be a little worried if a guy wasn't interested in kissing me. Have you guys kissed? Sorry I'm not familiar with your story 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm

hope4family said:


> Maybe a conversation could clear it up. When a woman says, "it takes her a while to fall in love, but i'd love to be persued." Is that an "OK" for physical contact but don't expect I love you? What is a (what will be deemed at this time) healthy womans translation of this sentence?


There shouldn't have to be a conversation about it, it should just be automatic because you are drawn to one another. Things should happen naturally. Agree with Spinster, you don't have to be in love to do these things.


----------



## ne9907

GuyInColorado said:


> I've had sex 4 times in the last 8 days. I love this girl! Met her kids and brother the other day. Going to church with them on Easter and brunch afterwards. Her mom loves me. Can't believe we've only been dating for almost 2 months, seems like it's been 6+ months. It's awesome.





GuyInColorado said:


> Are you making out like high schoolers? That's when we'd talk it up, such as "I want you so bad, right now!", "Let's go back to your place", "You're turning me on" as she feels it, etc. Then the sex just comes after both can't take it anymore.


Your posts annoy the fvck out of me... here is why.

I hate this mushy lovey dopey crazy about you behavior so early in the relationship. Yes, Ive had that quite recently. He acted like you and I found his behavior quite disturbing and crazed.

I have read what you post about your wife. There are two sides to every story. You sound like a little child with a new toy and totally forgot about your ex. I am annoyed because the ex husband did that, and fyi now he regrets everything.

Lastly, your posts (not you because I do not know you) annoy the FVCK out of me.

*drops the mike


----------



## SecondTime'Round

GuyInColorado said:


> Are you making out like high schoolers? That's when we'd talk it up, such as "I want you so bad, right now!", "Let's go back to your place", "You're turning me on" as she feels it, etc. Then the sex just comes after both can't take it anymore.


Wow, that's so unique for a brand new relationship!

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## hope4family

3Xnocharm said:


> There shouldn't have to be a conversation about it, it should just be automatic because you are drawn to one another. Things should happen naturally. Agree with Spinster, you don't have to be in love to do these things.


So as a person who is just now actually trying this whole dating / relationship thing. All my past happen stances just kinda...happened. I mean it is what it is. 

This is starting with someone from scratch. I did several times ask if I am going to slow and even said I am literally holding back. (If I can't extreme through physical, I will let you verbally know.) I will post again soon about it. Kinda give everyone the whole story. 

Ironically as I type this, I am talking to another female. Life is weird.


----------



## hope4family

spinsterdurga said:


> You don't need to be in love to hold hand and make out. You can be attracted to someone without being in love. I don't know if it's an "OK" but I'd be a little worried if a guy wasn't interested in kissing me. Have you guys kissed? Sorry I'm not familiar with your story
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No, we have not. (Kissed). 

So first off, we are both of the same faith. Only I have done the whole married / divorced thing. She has not. It would be ideal to avoid sex as much as possible. I have no concern about where I stand in this or what it could mean from a martial bedroom standpoint. I am perfectly open about my drive. 

She has been fairly straight forward that she has ADD. Something I haven't mentioned. She says people have a hard time gauging whether or not she is interested. I would say that is an understatement. 

We have only held hands, we are on date 5 or 6. No immediate promises of dates in the future. But we are at least texting every day. I usually initiate, a role I am comfortable with for eternity. 

She compliments me often, not too often. It is a low key way of showing attraction. One even two years after being with my ex, I am not used to receiving. I also usually just brush it off. 

The part on it, that I am trying to gauge. I am a 12 on the physical rector scale. Meaning, it's primarily how I express love. If you want into my lions, or even better my brain. Just touch me. I won't forget it. 

So far, I would say she is D- in that category. But A+ in everything else. I am attracted to her physically. Just waiting for a spark. A green light. Even a yellow then I can just slam on the accelerator. 

In hindsight, it's only been one month of dating. So plenty of time really.


----------



## RandomDude

GuyInColorado said:


> Are you making out like high schoolers? That's when we'd talk it up, such as "I want you so bad, right now!", "Let's go back to your place", "You're turning me on" as she feels it, etc. Then the sex just comes after both can't take it anymore.


Doesnt work for me 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## emily882

Great idea for a thread! Thanks for posting. If anyone reads this, I could really really use some advice on how you can start your life over, which is what I find myself trying to do now that I'm alone. (Have started going to church even though am not that religious, more spiritual really... joined a support group and see a therapist once a week... but still feel "lost," at odds, floundering and incomplete). I work from home, so don't have co-workers or the obligation to be somewhere every day, which (though I know is a privilege) can make moving on seem even more difficult to me at times. Any thoughts on how to deal with this?
Thanks!


----------



## hope4family

emily882 said:


> Great idea for a thread! Thanks for posting. If anyone reads this, I could really really use some advice on how you can start your life over, which is what I find myself trying to do now that I'm alone. (Have started going to church even though am not that religious, more spiritual really... joined a support group and see a therapist once a week... but still feel "lost," at odds, floundering and incomplete). I work from home, so don't have co-workers or the obligation to be somewhere every day, which (though I know is a privilege) can make moving on seem even more difficult to me at times. Any thoughts on how to deal with this?
> Thanks!


I work from home to so I get it. 

If you still feel lost. Best to not enter a relationship. Find out who you are first. Yeah, it takes a while, and yeah people who are into you will come and go. But you will become a stronger person along the way. 

You are doing the first steps it sounds like. So keep it up. Understand, progress is mostly slow. But getting through it all, is supposed to be. Also individual counseling to find hobby's that cope with your situation will help.


----------



## RandomDude

SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the sweet taste of victory! 
I'm stealing clients left right and center from my lowly competitors lol 

Hell success at work helps to stave off the depression that comes with relationship woes


----------



## bkyln309

ne9907 said:


> Your posts annoy the fvck out of me... here is why.
> 
> I hate this mushy lovey dopey crazy about you behavior so early in the relationship. Yes, Ive had that quite recently. He acted like you and I found his behavior quite disturbing and crazed.
> 
> I have read what you post about your wife. There are two sides to every story. You sound like a little child with a new toy and totally forgot about your ex. I am annoyed because the ex husband did that, and fyi now he regrets everything.
> 
> Lastly, your posts (not you because I do not know you) annoy the FVCK out of me.
> 
> *drops the mike


I never begrudge anyone who has found happiness. I would love to have that giddy feeling again with someone even if it didnt last forever. 

Everyone deserves some fun after a long unhappy marriage no matter who was at fault.


----------



## Acoa

ne9907 said:


> Your posts annoy the fvck out of me... here is why.
> 
> I hate this mushy lovey dopey crazy about you behavior so early in the relationship. Yes, Ive had that quite recently. He acted like you and I found his behavior quite disturbing and crazed.
> 
> I have read what you post about your wife. There are two sides to every story. You sound like a little child with a new toy and totally forgot about your ex. I am annoyed because the ex husband did that, and fyi now he regrets everything.
> 
> Lastly, your posts (not you because I do not know you) annoy the FVCK out of me.
> 
> *drops the mike


I don't think that's his issue. Why does someone else posting about their happiness annoy you? Are you posting in a manipulative effort to shame him into never posting again?


----------



## Acoa

emily882 said:


> Great idea for a thread! Thanks for posting. If anyone reads this, I could really really use some advice on how you can start your life over, which is what I find myself trying to do now that I'm alone. (Have started going to church even though am not that religious, more spiritual really... joined a support group and see a therapist once a week... but still feel "lost," at odds, floundering and incomplete). I work from home, so don't have co-workers or the obligation to be somewhere every day, which (though I know is a privilege) can make moving on seem even more difficult to me at times. Any thoughts on how to deal with this?
> Thanks!


Working from home has some perks with flexibility, but can be very isolating. 

Church, support groups and therapy are a good start. It at least gets you out of the house and socializing. But it's not exactly 'fun'. If your church has any 'social' groups that meet, you may want to try those. Or start a hobby with a group that meets regularly. Start to make friends with compatible schedules. 

The ending of a relationship brings about some negative thoughts, try not to isolate yourself or those can take root and lead to depression.


----------



## ne9907

hope4family said:


> No, we have not. (Kissed).
> 
> So first off, we are both of the same faith. Only I have done the whole married / divorced thing. She has not. It would be ideal to avoid sex as much as possible. I have no concern about where I stand in this or what it could mean from a martial bedroom standpoint. I am perfectly open about my drive.
> 
> She has been fairly straight forward that she has ADD. Something I haven't mentioned. She says people have a hard time gauging whether or not she is interested. I would say that is an understatement.
> 
> We have only held hands, we are on date 5 or 6. No immediate promises of dates in the future. But we are at least texting every day. I usually initiate, a role I am comfortable with for eternity.
> 
> She compliments me often, not too often. It is a low key way of showing attraction. One even two years after being with my ex, I am not used to receiving. I also usually just brush it off.
> 
> The part on it, that I am trying to gauge. I am a 12 on the physical rector scale. Meaning, it's primarily how I express love. If you want into my lions, or even better my brain. Just touch me. I won't forget it.
> 
> So far, I would say she is D- in that category. But A+ in everything else. I am attracted to her physically. Just waiting for a spark. A green light. Even a yellow then I can just slam on the accelerator.
> 
> In hindsight, it's only been one month of dating. So plenty of time really.



She sounds like a good match. I am actually very happy for you and RD! I feel you both will be able to build strong relationships


----------



## bkyln309

ne9907 said:


> She sounds like a good match. I am actually very happy for you and RD! I feel you both will be able to build strong relationships



Why do you say that because they are waiting to have sex/intimacy? That doesnt make them a good match or a relationship. 

What happens after all that time if the sex is just ok? They wont know until the package is fully tested. Sounds like both these women may have issues with their sexuality. A great relationship or foundation includes sex. Without it you are friends.

I say that because I waited to have sex with my X until the marriage day. What a mistake. We got along great but the sex (when we had it. Turned out sexless) was just ok to awful. He had the sex issues. I was never ashamed to enjoy the benefits of sex.

Test drive early. The character of the person is revealed over time.


----------



## FeministInPink

emily882 said:


> Great idea for a thread! Thanks for posting. If anyone reads this, I could really really use some advice on how you can start your life over, which is what I find myself trying to do now that I'm alone. (Have started going to church even though am not that religious, more spiritual really... joined a support group and see a therapist once a week... but still feel "lost," at odds, floundering and incomplete). I work from home, so don't have co-workers or the obligation to be somewhere every day, which (though I know is a privilege) can make moving on seem even more difficult to me at times. Any thoughts on how to deal with this?
> Thanks!


Things that helped me:

1. I came up with lists of activities that I had wanted to do, but never did because my former spouse poo-pooed them. And I started doing them, kind of like checking them off my list. (I started going to open air markets on Saturday mornings, and museums on Sundays... and just really enjoyed living my life *the way I wanted to live my life.*)

2. I thought about hobbies I used to have and activities that I enjoyed, which brought me joy but which I gave up for some reason or another. (The reason usually being that my XH thought they were stupid or took too much time away from him.) I started doing them again. (I started doing karaoke again, and last summer I did a show with a community theater. I'm planning on taking dance lessons, and I'm considering taking piano lessons again.)

3. I thought about things that I wanted to try, but had been too scared to. I said fvck it, and started giving it a whirl. (I went to Disney World with a friend after my XH moved out. I went on all the scariest rides and coasters, even though I was terrified. And they turned out to be AWESOME.)

4. I decided to try things that I never would have done before, that I thought I would be really bad at. (I joined an adult softball league. I completely sucked. But I also had a really great time and met some cool people.)

5. I joined a whole bunch of meetup groups, and make sure that I had at least one activity per week. That did several things: a) it kept me busy with something other than work; b) it gave me opportunities to meet new people; c) it perked me up and helped me to not feel sorry for myself. It's impossible to mope around when you're doing fun things.

The point of moving on isn't to find someone else who will be your new partner. If you rush into a new relationship, it's really just a way of avoiding doing the hard work of rebuilding. When that new relationship fails, you realize that you aren't really healed... all you did was put a band-aid on a bullet wound. The point of moving on is to find YOU and to figure out who you are, now that "wife to XH" is no longer part of your identity. You have to figure out who you are AD--After Divorce--and figure out what kind of life you want, and how you will make that happen. 

It's a long process. It doesn't happen overnight. I'm still working on it, and I've been on my own for over three years now.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Why do you say that because they are waiting to have sex/intimacy? That doesnt make them a good match or a relationship.
> 
> What happens after all that time if the sex is just ok? They wont know until the package is fully tested. Sounds like both these women may have issues with their sexuality. A great relationship or foundation includes sex. Without it you are friends.
> 
> I say that because I waited to have sex with my X until the marriage day. What a mistake. We got along great but the sex (when we had it. Turned out sexless) was just ok to awful. He had the sex issues. I was never ashamed to enjoy the benefits of sex.
> 
> Test drive early. The character of the person is revealed over time.


Agree, agree, AGREE!

Call me easy, call me a slvt, call me what you will, but I act on the sex thing early. Because if that compatibility isn't there, it will never work in the long run. Why waste my time "holding out" only to find out down the line that the sex is just so-so (or even bad)? That is a HUGE waste of time. 

And if the sex is fantastic? Then it was a huge waste of time NOT having sex all that time that I waited. "Oh, so many orgasms I could have had while I was holding out... because that is what ladies and good girls do."

Fvck that. >


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Agree, agree, AGREE!
> 
> Call me easy, call me a slvt, call me what you will, but I act on the sex thing early. Because if that compatibility isn't there, it will never work in the long run. Why waste my time "holding out" only to find out down the line that the sex is just so-so (or even bad)? That is a HUGE waste of time.
> 
> And if the sex is fantastic? Then it was a huge waste of time NOT having sex all that time that I waited. "Oh, so many orgasms I could have had while I was holding out... because that is what ladies and good girls do."
> 
> Fvck that. >


There are two sides to everything. I wouldn't call you easy or a slvt. 

I am actually talking to another lady over the phone right now. Her conversation already went to gauging about sex. (First time on the phone.) Not something I am against either. 

I'm happy other people can control the distinction of sex without feelings. To be fair, I can too, I would rather place a higher priority on whether they are crazy. Then just walk away if the desire for intimacy isn't shared. 

I stated before D- on grade for "physical contact." I'd like to stick around long enough to see if that's a "B". Naturally she has told me I can see other people but she isn't going to right now. (Whatever cryptic words that means.) 

I'm more interested to see what her physical meter is after she says she wants to be exclusive. Otherwise, if I wanted to gauge on sex sooner. I honestly probably wouldn't be dating. As offers for sex are easier to come by in my experience, then a true lasting relationship. 

Either way, got to kiss a lot of frogs....


----------



## RandomDude

Hehe


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> Agree, agree, AGREE!
> 
> Call me easy, call me a slvt, call me what you will, but I act on the sex thing early. Because if that compatibility isn't there, it will never work in the long run. Why waste my time "holding out" only to find out down the line that the sex is just so-so (or even bad)? That is a HUGE waste of time.
> 
> And if the sex is fantastic? Then it was a huge waste of time NOT having sex all that time that I waited. "Oh, so many orgasms I could have had while I was holding out... because that is what ladies and good girls do."
> 
> Fvck that. >


Quote - bkyln 309 too .

I agree with ' test drive ' . but I will 'hold out' till I am sure he is long term relationship material . not because I am "good girl" or "prude" but sex clouds the mind . 

My ex and I had great sex n .......? Character unfolds ....... ? N I didn't leave on time ...... Married ..... Kids ....... I wasted years of my life too . n money too . 

FIP . bkyln 309.

It is opposite of what you had experience . but we both turn out to be at same destination , divorced . Then we vow to do the opposite thing the next time .

The opposite path we then choose may still be a wrong path . only destiny decides.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Whao damn... DROP DEAD GORGEOUS BEAUTY TODAY!!!! Took my mind off miss pony again... argh!

This... THIS is why when you have a sexy boyfriend you MUST fk him! Otherwise other girls will steal his attention!!! Bah!

lol


----------



## MRR

ne9907 said:


> Your posts annoy the fvck out of me... here is why.
> 
> I hate this mushy lovey dopey crazy about you behavior so early in the relationship. Yes, Ive had that quite recently. He acted like you and I found his behavior quite disturbing and crazed.
> 
> I have read what you post about your wife. There are two sides to every story. You sound like a little child with a new toy and totally forgot about your ex. I am annoyed because the ex husband did that, and fyi now he regrets everything.
> 
> Lastly, your posts (not you because I do not know you) annoy the FVCK out of me.
> 
> *drops the mike



I find this fascinating.


----------



## foolscotton3

ne9907 said:


> Your posts annoy the fvck out of me... here is why.
> 
> I hate this mushy lovey dopey crazy about you behavior so early in the relationship. Yes, Ive had that quite recently. He acted like you and I found his behavior quite disturbing and crazed.
> 
> I have read what you post about your wife. There are two sides to every story. You sound like a little child with a new toy and totally forgot about your ex. I am annoyed because the ex husband did that, and fyi now he regrets everything.
> 
> Lastly, your posts (not you because I do not know you) annoy the FVCK out of me.
> 
> *drops the mike


Other than reading like a typical rebound relationship, it sounds like a better place to be. I believe the majority reaction and advice is spot on; however, even if he did slow down and not position himself for the heartache of his lifetime, it's inevitability going to fail, and hurt really bad.

Rebound relationships can be a great experience and the worst experience. We should be here for support on both ends, and offer our advice to lessen the blow. I firmly believe that for some people the rebound is necessary to get to the bare foundation of personal growth. Certainly any amount of dignity and pride left over from his marriage ending will be extinguished through a subsequent loss of love.

The rebound is like a sweet tonic, that causes you to finally expel the sickness of divorce.


----------



## MRR

foolscotton3 said:


> Other than reading like a typical rebound relationship, it sounds like a better place to be. *I believe the majority reaction and advice is spot on; however, even if he did slow down and not position himself for the heartache of his lifetime, it's inevitability going to fail, and hurt really bad.
> *
> Rebound relationships can be a great experience and the worst experience. *We should be here for support on both ends, and offer our advice to lessen the blow.* I firmly believe that for some people the rebound is necessary to get to the bare foundation of personal growth. Certainly any amount of dignity and pride left over from his marriage ending will be extinguished through a subsequent loss of love.
> 
> The rebound is like a sweet tonic, that causes you to finally expel the sickness of divorce.



Please elaborate on what 'we' should be saying to help-- especially since you seem to be saying that what is going on now is a rebound that will inevitably fail. Just curious what you are getting at here. Have you been following his posts (including back to when he was actually looking at rings after knowing her 3 weeks bc "she deserves the best!")?


----------



## ne9907

There must be some Mercury retrograde, or Venus ascending, or the Moon being too bright and controlling past lovers.
This week, 3 past lovers have hit me up. One I met two years ago, another a year ago, another Ive never met, just talking on line. All of them are too far away and I would not want to get involved with them... One is too clingy, the other is too young, and the other one is a psycho.

I only replied to the young one, because he is in France and I might travel there.


----------



## RandomDude

My little cuteness is going to get fatty with all the choccies! Will only make her cuter lol

Happy Easter guys and gals!


----------



## hope4family

So, I went on a date today.....with the original one I blog about. 

Rained really hard (remember this is the lady whom I haven't done zero with until last date.) on the way to the car. I ran ahead to grab the umbrella out of the car. Before she gets in the car she says, "This is a great moment to kiss." ....it lasted a while. Didn't want to rush. But yeah she won extra points for that. It did give me shivers.

She is coming over for dinner on Monday. She owes me a message. Done with this post.


----------



## kingsfan

Having a rough past few days. Going stir crazy for a few reasons, no kids, no work for a few weeks, so mind is wandering. It's also been a while since you know what. How the hell do you get your mind off that? Tricks and tips anyone? And FWB isn't an option.


----------



## RandomDude

Keep urself busy, find a casual job or volunteer, idleness as the saying goes is the devil's workshop


----------



## tripad

kingsfan said:


> Having a rough past few days. Going stir crazy for a few reasons, no kids, no work for a few weeks, so mind is wandering. It's also been a while since you know what. How the hell do you get your mind off that? Tricks and tips anyone? And FWB isn't an option.





RandomDude said:


> Keep urself busy, find a casual job or volunteer, idleness as the saying goes is the devil's workshop


I was about to suggest RD is best person to answer and he did answer 😁.

Yes , get busy , you won't even have energy left to have a wet dream . 

Mean time , self serve . 😁
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

So, I started a thread on the gen relationship forum but wanted to put part of it here, for any ideas or to hear any other experiences in this regard-- I know FIP did tell her FWB off, which RD found 'cringe-worty'...


Now, just yesterday, I had casual, but definite plans, to see a woman I have been in contact with mainly through text and email since before xmas. we have met in person 3-4 times and at one point i had asked to see her and she said she had plans and did not offer another time, so i deleted her number. (this was after a few weeks of her not being able to get together in person) we live like 10 mins apart and were going to run errands for kids' easter stuff and hang out at starbucks/barnesand noble and catch up yesterday. we had texted each other early int the morn and i told her i would text and see where she was at 2 and we would meet, she said 'perfect!'. This gal has expressed interest in me and in getting together and seemed excited, but an hour before i got a message that i am 'going to hate her' and she is awful and 'i am going to bail'. no explanation as to why. 

Now...a lot of people/advice out there say ignore it, act like you dont care, you have so much going on you shouldnt even notice, etc. Frankly, I was only trying to get to know her better and was in no way sure about wanting to date her, but at the same time, do not want to be treated so rudely. I responded saying 'everything ok?' no response.

then later last night after i had done my own thing, did send her a message that while i am not going to lose sleep over it, she could have at least given me an excuse. 

So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.


----------



## foolscotton3

MRR said:


> So, I started a thread on the gen relationship forum but wanted to put part of it here, for any ideas or to hear any other experiences in this regard-- I know FIP did tell her FWB off, which RD found 'cringe-worty'...
> 
> 
> Now, just yesterday, I had casual, but definite plans, to see a woman I have been in contact with mainly through text and email since before xmas. we have met in person 3-4 times and at one point i had asked to see her and she said she had plans and did not offer another time, so i deleted her number. (this was after a few weeks of her not being able to get together in person) we live like 10 mins apart and were going to run errands for kids' easter stuff and hang out at starbucks/barnesand noble and catch up yesterday. we had texted each other early int the morn and i told her i would text and see where she was at 2 and we would meet, she said 'perfect!'. This gal has expressed interest in me and in getting together and seemed excited, but an hour before i got a message that i am 'going to hate her' and she is awful and 'i am going to bail'. no explanation as to why.
> 
> Now...a lot of people/advice out there say ignore it, act like you dont care, you have so much going on you shouldnt even notice, etc. Frankly, I was only trying to get to know her better and was in no way sure about wanting to date her, but at the same time, do not want to be treated so rudely. I responded saying 'everything ok?' no response.
> 
> then later last night after i had done my own thing, did send her a message that while i am not going to lose sleep over it, she could have at least given me an excuse.
> 
> So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.


She's seeing somebody else.


----------



## Bananapeel

MRR, my belief about relationships (including friendships) is that I don't put more effort/time/energy in than the other person. This keeps it balanced. Right now you two don't have a real relationship established so her not placing you as a high priority in her life is expected, and last minute change in plans shouldn't really surprise you. Instead it should just tell you where you fit in her life at the moment and then you can choose to either accept the status as it stands or end it. If you accept it then it is possible that things will change in the future. But personally, I believe that someone that doesn't respect my time isn't worthy of it either and I'll cut off contact with them. 

Now in general if you want to minimize the risk of them cancelling at the last minute you need to set definitive plans for a date. Saying we'll touch base and see where you are at 2 PM isn't a date and it leaves it as a casual meeting, if you both are free. I'm a very direct person and find it much easier to call up and say "I'd like to take you on a date Saturday night at 6 PM. Do you like sushi?" and then there is no question that you are both looking to make concrete plans. Remember, it's OK to take a girl on a date(s) and then decide what type of relationship you may/may not want, so there is no need to mask it as a friendly meetup.


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony and I are not having a good time, she's feeling neglected this Easter, and admitted she still worries that I'm a player, doesn't believe that I stayed celibate for a year, doesn't help that I suggested intimacy recently. She also says she feels alienated from my life during the weekends when I see my ex and daughter - namely my relationship with ex worries her.

WHY DOES EVERY FKING WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER?! :banghead: my standards are too IMPOSSIBLY HIGH to be a player's for fks sake!!!!!
This is pissing me off, so by even trying to discuss sex maturely as adults she has branded me as a player again, and the weekends? I show her photos and videos of me and my daughter all the time. I don't always the phone sure but that's because I'M BUSY not because I'm banging my EX!!!!  

Well, there adds another few months to the sex wait time I guess, if it doesn't go downhill from here. Meh... *takes more eggs out of busket*

/end vent


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> So, I started a thread on the gen relationship forum but wanted to put part of it here, for any ideas or to hear any other experiences in this regard-- I know FIP did tell her FWB off, which RD found 'cringe-worty'...
> 
> 
> Now, just yesterday, I had casual, but definite plans, to see a woman I have been in contact with mainly through text and email since before xmas. we have met in person 3-4 times and at one point i had asked to see her and she said she had plans and did not offer another time, so i deleted her number. (this was after a few weeks of her not being able to get together in person) we live like 10 mins apart and were going to run errands for kids' easter stuff and hang out at starbucks/barnesand noble and catch up yesterday. we had texted each other early int the morn and i told her i would text and see where she was at 2 and we would meet, she said 'perfect!'. This gal has expressed interest in me and in getting together and seemed excited, but an hour before i got a message that i am 'going to hate her' and she is awful and 'i am going to bail'. no explanation as to why.
> 
> Now...a lot of people/advice out there say ignore it, act like you dont care, you have so much going on you shouldnt even notice, etc. Frankly, I was only trying to get to know her better and was in no way sure about wanting to date her, but at the same time, do not want to be treated so rudely. I responded saying 'everything ok?' no response.
> 
> then later last night after i had done my own thing, did send her a message that while i am not going to lose sleep over it, she could have at least given me an excuse.
> 
> So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.


=/

Errr, you deleted her number how did you two keep texting? 

Anyway, when I just text, I never text more than one message at a time. Patience, wait for a reply. If no reply, whatever, don't care. If that's the pace she wants to play it I'll play the same, but I dunno... 'tis just me.

Just don't invest yourself so soon. Be more indifferent. That's the only defence against all such frustrations.


----------



## MRR

Bananapeel said:


> MRR, my belief about relationships (including friendships) is that I don't put more effort/time/energy in than the other person. This keeps it balanced. Right now you two don't have a real relationship established so her not placing you as a high priority in her life is expected, and last minute change in plans shouldn't really surprise you. Instead it should just tell you where you fit in her life at the moment and then you can choose to either accept the status as it stands or end it. If you accept it then it is possible that things will change in the future. But personally, I believe that someone that doesn't respect my time isn't worthy of it either and I'll cut off contact with them.
> 
> Now in general if you want to minimize the risk of them cancelling at the last minute you need to set definitive plans for a date. Saying we'll touch base and see where you are at 2 PM isn't a date and it leaves it as a casual meeting, if you both are free. I'm a very direct person and find it much easier to call up and say "I'd like to take you on a date Saturday night at 6 PM. Do you like sushi?" and then there is no question that you are both looking to make concrete plans. Remember, it's OK to take a girl on a date(s) and then decide what type of relationship you may/may not want, so there is no need to mask it as a friendly meetup.



She may very well be seeing other guys, and that is fine. I don't care. I get the part about the definite date, and I can assure you it was definite plans. I couldn't do lunch and we decided on 2pm on Saturday nearly a week ago, and she knew it and confirmed Saturday morning. 

All that stuff is fine. And I do not plan on pursuing her any longer. (if she apologizes and actually wants to see me, I will deal with that but not planning on it at all). 

What I am wondering is -- in the past I have felt a bit taken for granted and acted like I didn't care, which I didn't if it was once or even twice, but when it got to the point where I felt like not a priority, I still didn't say anything, thus (I think) allowing it to happen. 

How do you ADDRESS this with the person? I think in this case I made it clear by texting her back and the message was definitely that I did not appreciate being treated that way, but is there a better way to go about it? 

I know FIP sent a very straightforward message to a fwb named J-Dogg and Random Dude did not agree with the approach.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> She also says she feels alienated from my life during the weekends when I see my ex and daughter - namely my relationship with ex worries her.


This is why I have no desire to date someone without kids. They don't usually get it.


----------



## Bananapeel

MRR said:


> What I am wondering is -- in the past I have felt a bit taken for granted and acted like I didn't care, which I didn't if it was once or even twice, but when it got to the point where I felt like not a priority, I still didn't say anything, thus (I think) allowing it to happen.
> 
> How do you ADDRESS this with the person? I think in this case I made it clear by texting her back and the message was definitely that I did not appreciate being treated that way, but is there a better way to go about it?


When you start to make plans for a date project that you are the one who has less availability (even if you have to pretend). So instead of asking when she is free and setting plans around her schedule, nix the first few things she suggests because you have other stuff already happening. This communicates that you are busy and have a life, so your time is valuable. But personally, I hate playing games like this because if a woman is really interested she'll make herself available. My personal dating strategy (although I'm not currently interested in dating anyone) has always been to be an awesome guy that women want to be with, which really limits the chance of a woman not taking my time seriously.


----------



## RandomDude

And so we have come full circle, right at the start, I knew there would be problems as we are on two completely different stages of life. 

*sigh*

Either than that I had a great Easter, just saw Zootopia this afternoon with my daughter. I recommend it, especially if you love animals. 
If you plan to watch it, don't watch the trailers, just watch the movie - it's worth it, trust me!

If you're not convinced, watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY73vFGhSVk


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony and I are not having a good time, she's feeling neglected this Easter, and admitted she still worries that I'm a player, doesn't believe that I stayed celibate for a year, doesn't help that I suggested intimacy recently. She also says she feels alienated from my life during the weekends when I see my ex and daughter - namely my relationship with ex worries her.
> 
> WHY DOES EVERY FKING WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER?! :banghead: my standards are too IMPOSSIBLY HIGH to be a player's for fks sake!!!!!
> This is pissing me off, so by even trying to discuss sex maturely as adults she has branded me as a player again, and the weekends? I show her photos and videos of me and my daughter all the time. I don't always the phone sure but that's because I'M BUSY not because I'm banging my EX!!!!
> 
> Well, there adds another few months to the sex wait time I guess, if it doesn't go downhill from here. Meh... *takes more eggs out of busket*
> 
> /end vent


My dear, she is playing you. This is a old trick you do when you dont want to put out but want to keep the guy around just in case. Everytime you suggest intimacy she pulls something to prevent it. She wants you to make all the sacrifices but she doesnt have to give up anything. 

This woman has issues and is a player herself. She doesnt want to sleep with you but she wants to keep you in reserve until she decides whether she wants you or not. She also may be keeping you for the lifestyle you live. You look good.

Get rid of this woman.


----------



## MRR

Bananapeel said:


> When you start to make plans for a date project that you are the one who has less availability (even if you have to pretend). So instead of asking when she is free and setting plans around her schedule, nix the first few things she suggests because you have other stuff already happening. This communicates that you are busy and have a life, so your time is valuable. But personally, I hate playing games like this because if a woman is really interested she'll make herself available. My personal dating strategy (although I'm not currently interested in dating anyone) has always been to be an awesome guy that women want to be with, which really limits the chance of a woman not taking my time seriously.


Yes-- we both did this. And it was not a game. I volunteered Thursday night so couldn't do it then. I went rock climbing Saturday morning so I could not make lunch. We both have kids so we had to work it around that. 

I am talking about NOW, after she sends me the message one hour before the time we are meeting. 

Do I just ignore it (b/c I have so much other great stuff going on that it is no big deal) and risk her (or potential partners in general) thinking I am ok with it?

Or do I say something and if so what? (I am definitely leaning towards saying something from now on-- just not sure the best way to go about it).


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> WHY DOES EVERY FKING WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER?! :banghead: my standards are too IMPOSSIBLY HIGH to be a player's for fks sake!!!!!



LOL! Anyway, I don't personally know you, but I get the vibe that you're a player. 



RandomDude said:


> 1. she's feeling neglected this Easter
> 
> 2. and admitted she still worries that I'm a player
> 
> 3. doesn't believe that I stayed celibate for a year
> 
> 4. doesn't help that I suggested intimacy recently.
> 
> 5. She also says she feels alienated from my life during the weekends when I see my ex and daughter - namely my relationship with ex worries her.



1. Why does she feel neglected? Meaning what did you do according to her that was neglectful to her and the "relationship "? 

2.  well that's understandable but kind of irrelevant. Is she worried that you're cheating? Maybe she thinks you're playing her and buttering her ears? 

3. What the hell does that have to do with the present? She's starting to raise some red flags. 

4. Is she your GF? Are you in a relationship? If yes, I fail to see the issue. She can say she's not ready etc... But it shouldn't be a problem at least on her side. 

5. Why is she worried about your relationship with your X? She wants to meet your daughter? She's coming across a little insecure. I recently dated a man who had a child yet I had no issue with him seeing his ex. We started having issues when she started talking trash about me to him and his daughter other than that I never had an issues with him seeing her, being friends with her etc...


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> My dear, she is playing you. This is a old trick you do when you dont want to put out but want to keep the guy around just in case. Everytime you suggest intimacy she pulls something to prevent it. She wants you to make all the sacrifices but she doesnt have to give up anything.
> 
> This woman has issues and is a player herself. She doesnt want to sleep with you but she wants to keep you in reserve until she decides whether she wants you or not. She also may be keeping you for the lifestyle you live. You look good.
> 
> Get rid of this woman.


That's painful to believe.


----------



## RandomDude

spinsterdurga said:


> LOL! Anyway, I don't personally know you, but I get the vibe that you're a player.


WHY?! 






> 1. Why does she feel neglected? Meaning what did you do according to her that was neglectful to her and the "relationship "?


All Easter long weekend I didn't see her.



> 2.  well that's understandable but kind of irrelevant. Is she worried that you're cheating? Maybe she thinks you're playing her and buttering her ears?


Yes



> 3. What the hell does that have to do with the present? She's starting to raise some red flags.


She said it along with the admission that she still thinks I'm a player.



> 4. Is she your GF? Are you in a relationship? If yes, I fail to see the issue. She can say she's not ready etc... But it shouldn't be a problem at least on her side.


She's suspicious of me for no good reason.



> 5. Why is she worried about your relationship with your X? She wants to meet your daughter? She's coming across a little insecure. I recently dated a man who had a child yet I had no issue with him seeing his ex. We started having issues when she started talking trash about me to him and his daughter other than that I never had an issues with him seeing her, being friends with her etc...


Starting to really believe the initial red flag that we are on 2 different life stages and because of that, simple incompatible.


----------



## ne9907

I am in love.... 

the ex bf (his name is rockstar) dedicated this to me at a Karaoke bar on Saturday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelMxn0uFKo Just like that, not the Madonna version


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony and I are not having a good time, she's feeling neglected this Easter, and admitted she still worries that I'm a player, doesn't believe that I stayed celibate for a year, doesn't help that I suggested intimacy recently. She also says she feels alienated from my life during the weekends when I see my ex and daughter - namely my relationship with ex worries her.
> 
> WHY DOES EVERY FKING WOMAN I DATE THINK IM A FKING PLAYER?! :banghead: my standards are too IMPOSSIBLY HIGH to be a player's for fks sake!!!!!
> This is pissing me off, so by even trying to discuss sex maturely as adults she has branded me as a player again, and the weekends? I show her photos and videos of me and my daughter all the time. I don't always the phone sure but that's because I'M BUSY not because I'm banging my EX!!!!
> 
> Well, there adds another few months to the sex wait time I guess, if it doesn't go downhill from here. Meh... *takes more eggs out of busket*
> 
> /end vent


So far, I have been pretty supportive of having you give her a fair shot. This post concerns me, though. Insecurity is a major red flag. Especially given the fact that you've been seeing each other for awhile now. 

Tread carefully, RD.


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> 1. WHY?!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 2. All Easter long weekend I didn't see her.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yes
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She said it along with the admission that she still thinks I'm a player.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She's suspicious of me for no good reason.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Starting to really believe the initial red flag that we are on 2 different life stages and because of that, simple incompatible.



1. I don't know!! 

2. I'm assuming that you spent Easter with your daughter. I'm annoyed that she's not understanding. I mean she's not a kid so it's not a big deal if you were busy during the weekend. I hope you at least talked on the phone or texted. 

What I don't get is that if you're a player and not trustworthy why stay with you? I don't stay with men I don't trust. The only time I did was when I was asked to give that person a chance, and I gave him a timeline to get it together. 

I'm starting to think that either she's playing you or likes to be in control. I'm all for waiting for sex, but I don't twist things to justify why I'm waiting. 

Either: A. She's not into you. B. She's playing you because you're good on paper. 
C. She's trying to manipulate you into meeting your daughter and wanting to be there during family outings etc... D. She's extremely insecure.


----------



## RandomDude

spinsterdurga said:


> 1. I don't know!!


If you get the vibe, and you haven't even met me, then there has to be something about me that's giving out the vibe. Something that doesn't come out from my looks or my speech, but my thoughts/personality in which - how the heck do I give the impression that I'm a player even HERE of all places when I'm at my worst half the time?



> 2. I'm assuming that you spent Easter with your daughter. I'm annoyed that she's not understanding. I mean she's not a kid so it's not a big deal if you were busy during the weekend. I hope you at least talked on the phone or texted.


Yeah we did, but not all the time, my daughter has my full attention when I'm with her. And if not her it's on the road.



> What I don't get is that if you're a player and not trustworthy why stay with you? I don't stay with men I don't trust. The only time I did was when I was asked to give that person a chance, and I gave him a timeline to get it together.
> 
> I'm starting to think that either she's playing you or likes to be in control. I'm all for waiting for sex, but I don't twist things to justify why I'm waiting.
> 
> Either: A. She's not into you. B. She's playing you because you're good on paper.
> C. She's trying to manipulate you into meeting your daughter and wanting to be there during family outings etc... D. She's extremely insecure.


A, B, C, and D don't sound good 

*sigh*
And here I thought things were actually promising this year...


----------



## Bananapeel

MRR said:


> Do I just ignore it (b/c I have so much other great stuff going on that it is no big deal) and risk her (or potential partners in general) thinking I am ok with it?
> 
> Or do I say something and if so what? (I am definitely leaning towards saying something from now on-- just not sure the best way to go about it).


First you have to decide whether you have any interest in seeing her again because that will influence how you handle it. She's obviously not invested in you at this point. The way I'd handle it is just go dark and stop contact. This puts the ball in her court to pursue you if she is interested. If she does contact you and she wants to go out, instead of talking about why she cancelled before use the line "I'm game for a redo date but this time you get to take me out" and have her pay for you. This way you don't seem needy by confronting her and she doesn't get off for ditching you. Plus if you are good at flirting you can use this for gentle teasing (examples: have you reserved the helicopter yet for our date; I love it when a girl pays because it is going to be expensive; hope you're working overtime to pay for me; etc.). Alternatively, if she doesn't contact you then you didn't waste any more of your time on her.


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> So, I started a thread on the gen relationship forum but wanted to put part of it here, for any ideas or to hear any other experiences in this regard-- I know FIP did tell her FWB off, which RD found 'cringe-worty'...
> 
> 
> Now, just yesterday, I had casual, but definite plans, to see a woman I have been in contact with mainly through text and email since before xmas. we have met in person 3-4 times and at one point i had asked to see her and she said she had plans and did not offer another time, so i deleted her number. (this was after a few weeks of her not being able to get together in person) we live like 10 mins apart and were going to run errands for kids' easter stuff and hang out at starbucks/barnesand noble and catch up yesterday. we had texted each other early int the morn and i told her i would text and see where she was at 2 and we would meet, she said 'perfect!'. This gal has expressed interest in me and in getting together and seemed excited, but an hour before i got a message that i am 'going to hate her' and she is awful and 'i am going to bail'. no explanation as to why.
> 
> Now...a lot of people/advice out there say ignore it, act like you dont care, you have so much going on you shouldnt even notice, etc. Frankly, I was only trying to get to know her better and was in no way sure about wanting to date her, but at the same time, do not want to be treated so rudely. I responded saying 'everything ok?' no response.
> 
> then later last night after i had done my own thing, did send her a message that while i am not going to lose sleep over it, she could have at least given me an excuse.
> 
> So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.


What is her relationship status? Some of us are scared ****less when we meet someone promising yet this isn't an excuse to act crazy in front of you. She should not have been so insecure in front of you. 
Someone a while ago called it preemptive romantic strike. She shot you down before you get a chance to do it to her.
She is probably getting over a bad relationship where she self worth was decimated, so instead of giving you both a chance she made her mind that youll hate her.

She might be a wonderful woman, but you will have to work extra hard to assure her she is worth of her love. You might become her therapist as well as her lover. Are you ready for that?

As far as how you should respond then go ahead and tell her how you feel. Once, after my separation, I dated this guy who was mostly FWB. One day, I was acting extremely insecure and he said to me "Whatever **** you have going on in your life, deal with it, I am not your therapist." it might have seem harsh but I got it.

When we are dating or barely getting to know someone we cant possibly over whelm them with ALL our insecurities. 

If I was you, I would text or call with something like:

"I am a man who keeps his word, I said I wanted ot get to know you better and meant it. I thought disrespectful of you to come at me and say "you are going to hate me." I am old enough to know what I want. I do not play games, or engage in dramatic behavior."

Now, if you want to see her again say something like

"I am still interested in getting to know you better, if you are, please respect my desire to be treated like an adult."

If you don't want to see her again, just say:
"Good luck in everything you do."


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am in love....
> 
> the ex bf (his name is rockstar) dedicated this to me at a Karaoke bar on Saturday
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelMxn0uFKo Just like that, not the Madonna version


No, Ne.... NO!!!


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> No, Ne.... NO!!!


I know... I cant help myself, seriously. He has the allure of a rockstar and the looks of a bum... haha... even that I find so attractive. More than likely I will be back crying my eyes out and complaining about his inability to be sensitive enough, but for now, I am enjoying myself.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> No, Ne.... NO!!!


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> If you get the vibe, and you haven't even met me, then there has to be something about me that's giving out the vibe. Something that doesn't come out from my looks or my speech, but my thoughts/personality in which - how the heck do I give the impression that I'm a player even HERE of all places when I'm at my worst half the time?
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah we did, but not all the time, my daughter has my full attention when I'm with her. And if not her it's on the road.
> 
> 
> ...




You used to talk about having sex with women without wanting a relationship. 

I don't see how she was neglected. Has she asked about meeting your daughter? I feel like she was annoyed/pissy because she wasn't there with you and your daughter.


----------



## Miss Independent

ne9907 said:


> I know... I cant help myself, seriously. He has the allure of a rockstar and the looks of a bum... haha... even that I find so attractive. More than likely I will be back crying my eyes out and complaining about his inability to be sensitive enough, but for now, I am enjoying myself.




So, you guys are back together ?


----------



## TooNice

I had a moment of weakness last weekend and have re-entered the online dating world. 

Until my $20 is used up on *******. Less than a week of being back quickly reminded me why I left. :-/

In other news, I have continued to stand my ground about no longer settling for being in the moment. I'm liking how it feels to say no. (This is not a judgement, by any means... For me, right now, living in the moment and having fun no longer feels right. So I am trying something different.) I feel stronger about the fact that I am ready for a relationship. I can wait. Emotionally, it's a little draining, but I know it's right. A dear older man in a circle of friends emailed me over the weekend and had noticed I seemed down. He correctly guessed it was related to my frustration with dating, and said some really lovely things to me about the kind of woman he perceives me to be, and what is out there waiting for me. It was really lovely to have someone be that kind. 

He's right. And I guess I needed to try once more to tell myself again that I'm not likely to find it online or in a bar. I just need to find patience. And remind myself that there is no rushing it. 

It takes a lot of reminding, though!


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> I know... I cant help myself, seriously. He has the allure of a rockstar and the looks of a bum... haha... even that I find so attractive. More than likely I will be back crying my eyes out and complaining about his inability to be sensitive enough, but for now, I am enjoying myself.


At a price . n you will be the one paying it . think with the brain , not heart .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I had a moment of weakness last weekend and have re-entered the online dating world.
> 
> Until my $20 is used up on *******. Less than a week of being back quickly reminded me why I left !


Smile😂
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony and I are not having a good time, she's feeling neglected this Easter, and admitted she still worries that I'm a player, doesn't believe that I stayed celibate for a year, doesn't help that I suggested intimacy recently. She also says she feels alienated from my life during the weekends when I see my ex and daughter - namely my relationship with ex worries her.


The above sounds manipulative .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

spinsterdurga said:


> You used to talk about having sex with women without wanting a relationship.


Is that it? Well it's not something I talk about with miss pony, yet even she thinks I'm a player? Argh >.<

It's like I'm cursed!



tripad said:


> The above sounds manipulative .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





spinsterdurga said:


> I don't see how she was neglected. Has she asked about meeting your daughter? I feel like she was annoyed/pissy because she wasn't there with you and your daughter.


Yes she has, but before she already accepted that it will come in time. What's with women wanting to meet my little girl?


----------



## *Deidre*

My guess is she is holding off sex because she doesn't feel like she can trust you, and that you don't trust her enough to meet your child. That said, I don't blame you for not wanting to introduce her to your child, for you don't sound like you entirely trust her. Sounds like you both have trust issues, and perhaps you are heading for an impasse.


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> So, I started a thread on the gen relationship forum but wanted to put part of it here, for any ideas or to hear any other experiences in this regard-- I know FIP did tell her FWB off, which RD found 'cringe-worty'...
> 
> 
> Now, just yesterday, I had casual, but definite plans, to see a woman I have been in contact with mainly through text and email since before xmas. we have met in person 3-4 times and at one point i had asked to see her and she said she had plans and did not offer another time, so i deleted her number. (this was after a few weeks of her not being able to get together in person) we live like 10 mins apart and were going to run errands for kids' easter stuff and hang out at starbucks/barnesand noble and catch up yesterday. we had texted each other early int the morn and i told her i would text and see where she was at 2 and we would meet, she said 'perfect!'. This gal has expressed interest in me and in getting together and seemed excited, but an hour before i got a message that i am 'going to hate her' and she is awful and 'i am going to bail'. no explanation as to why.
> 
> Now...a lot of people/advice out there say ignore it, act like you dont care, you have so much going on you shouldnt even notice, etc. Frankly, I was only trying to get to know her better and was in no way sure about wanting to date her, but at the same time, do not want to be treated so rudely. I responded saying 'everything ok?' no response.
> 
> then later last night after i had done my own thing, did send her a message that while i am not going to lose sleep over it, she could have at least given me an excuse.
> 
> So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.


If you are saying that you just want to be treated a certain way and have no interest in her from a dating standpoint. Then maybe you can state that as well as other things to said female prospect very early on, and get that part out of the way. Maybe she will clue you in on how that is happened to her and what she felt about it. So it will give you depth on what to expect from her. 

Also, when you deleted her number. That should have been it. Unless somehow she brought it up. In my humble opinion, you gave a covert contract. There was no promise and yet somehow there was to you. Deleting a number, means you are back to milkman status. Although at the point to which you described. It would be "all friend zone & perfectly fine without her."


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> So, I started a thread on the gen relationship forum but wanted to put part of it here, for any ideas or to hear any other experiences in this regard-- I know FIP did tell her FWB off, which RD found 'cringe-worty'...
> 
> Now, just yesterday, I had casual, but definite plans, to see a woman I have been in contact with mainly through text and email since before xmas. we have met in person 3-4 times and at one point i had asked to see her and she said she had plans and did not offer another time, so i deleted her number. (this was after a few weeks of her not being able to get together in person) we live like 10 mins apart and were going to run errands for kids' easter stuff and hang out at starbucks/barnesand noble and catch up yesterday. we had texted each other early int the morn and i told her i would text and see where she was at 2 and we would meet, she said 'perfect!'. This gal has expressed interest in me and in getting together and seemed excited, but an hour before i got a message that i am 'going to hate her' and she is awful and 'i am going to bail'. no explanation as to why.
> 
> Now...a lot of people/advice out there say ignore it, act like you dont care, you have so much going on you shouldnt even notice, etc. Frankly, I was only trying to get to know her better and was in no way sure about wanting to date her, but at the same time, do not want to be treated so rudely. I responded saying 'everything ok?' no response.
> 
> then later last night after i had done my own thing, did send her a message that while i am not going to lose sleep over it, she could have at least given me an excuse.
> 
> So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.





MRR said:


> She may very well be seeing other guys, and that is fine. I don't care. I get the part about the definite date, and I can assure you it was definite plans. I couldn't do lunch and we decided on 2pm on Saturday nearly a week ago, and she knew it and confirmed Saturday morning.
> 
> All that stuff is fine. And I do not plan on pursuing her any longer. (if she apologizes and actually wants to see me, I will deal with that but not planning on it at all).
> 
> What I am wondering is -- in the past I have felt a bit taken for granted and acted like I didn't care, which I didn't if it was once or even twice, but when it got to the point where I felt like not a priority, I still didn't say anything, thus (I think) allowing it to happen.
> 
> How do you ADDRESS this with the person? I think in this case I made it clear by texting her back and the message was definitely that I did not appreciate being treated that way, but is there a better way to go about it?
> 
> I know FIP sent a very straightforward message to a fwb named J-Dogg and Random Dude did not agree with the approach.


I will say this about my behavior: RD may not have liked it, but it was what I needed to do. But that was for me, mostly. I'm so laid back and flexible (most of the time, anyway) that people start to take advantage and walk all over me if I let them. I HAVE to be that firm for people to take me seriously, but it's also for ME. To reinforce my boundaries for ME. To reclaim my self-agency, and to assert my self-respect. I needed to express my hurt and anger at the way he treated me. I have spent too much of my life holding my tongue and denying the legitimacy of my own emotions and needs in deference to people who didn't really deserve it and who didn't give a sh!t about my feelings (my mom and now XH), and I'm not doing that anymore. I know, and won't deny, that my reaction was mostly about me, and had very little to do with J-Dawg. Maybe RD didn't like it, but honestly, I don't care. J-Dawg had been a d!ck, but I had initially exited and ended things gracefully without making a BFD of things, but then he decided a few weeks later that he wanted to pull that string again and see if he could keep my number in his book for later--even if he didn't admit it. And that's when I went to town on him. And at that point, I didn't really care, because I wasn't looking to salvage anything out of that situation, anyway. And I needed to be true to MYSELF and MY needs. 

Onto your situation: do whatever the fvck you want to do.

To can give her one more chance, which I don't think she deserves, or you can cut her off.

I would say, the next time she contacts you to make plans, tell her you're not interested in pursuing the friendship/whatever anymore, and wish her the best. If she protests, tell her that she has been disrespectful of you and your time, in her lack of planning and her late cancellations, etc., and that you don't have space for people like that in your life. And ask that she respect that and no longer contact you, and if she does continue to contact you after that, block her and/or don't respond. 

YOU have control over whom you allow into your life, and who gets your time and attention. Which is very valuable indeed. You have finite amounts of it. Don't waste it on someone like this.

(I'm intrigued that I am now being used as a behavioral model and reference.)


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I know... I cant help myself, seriously. He has the allure of a rockstar and the looks of a bum... haha... even that I find so attractive. More than likely I will be back crying my eyes out and complaining about his inability to be sensitive enough, but for now, I am enjoying myself.


Then, seriously, you need to cut this guy off for good. You know he's bad for you. Why do you go back for more when you know it's just going to hurt you?

You deserve better than he's offering.


----------



## MRR

hope4family said:


> If you are saying that you just want to be treated a certain way and have no interest in her from a dating standpoint. Then maybe you can state that as well as other things to said female prospect very early on, and get that part out of the way. Maybe she will clue you in on how that is happened to her and what she felt about it. So it will give you depth on what to expect from her.
> 
> Also, when you deleted her number. That should have been it. Unless somehow she brought it up. In my humble opinion, you gave a covert contract. There was no promise and yet somehow there was to you. Deleting a number, means you are back to milkman status. Although at the point to which you described. It would be "all friend zone & perfectly fine without her."


I deleted her number several weeks ago. I asked her out 2-3 times, she said no, and did not show interest in wanting to see me, so yes I moved on. She reached out to me through FB. She was disappointed that I had deleted her number. One night a couple weeks ago I was reading at a coffee shop and just randomly texted her that she should stop by (we had met there before) and she had our kids and said she 'loved our conversation'. She also, right after we met, texted, 'meeting you was all I hoped it would be'. 

So anyway, I tried, she didn't make time, deleted the number, she reached out again, we MADE DEFINITE PLANS, she confirmed sat morning and then stated right before 'im going to bail'. 

I have no idea what you are getting at with the covert contract stuff. I was interested in getting to know her, yes, but I have no interest in dating her now. Could that change? possibly, but she would definitely have work to do, and I do not see her doing that. 

I want to know how to address with a woman unacceptable behavior, such as flaking on a date, without sounding like I am crazy/upset/angry.


----------



## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> My guess is she is holding off sex because she doesn't feel like she can trust you, and that you don't trust her enough to meet your child. That said, I don't blame you for not wanting to introduce her to your child, for you don't sound like you entirely trust her. Sounds like you both have trust issues, and perhaps you are heading for an impasse.


She may also want to see how you interact with D in general. You can learn a LOT about a man's character by observing how a man interacts with his children.

But I agree with tripad... I'm starting to get a whiff of manipulation...


----------



## hope4family

MRR said:


> I deleted her number several weeks ago. I asked her out 2-3 times, she said no, and did not show interest in wanting to see me, so yes I moved on. She reached out to me through FB. She was disappointed that I had deleted her number. One night a couple weeks ago I was reading at a coffee shop and just randomly texted her that she should stop by (we had met there before) and she had our kids and said she 'loved our conversation'. She also, right after we met, texted, 'meeting you was all I hoped it would be'.
> 
> So anyway, I tried, she didn't make time, deleted the number, she reached out again, we MADE DEFINITE PLANS, she confirmed sat morning and then stated right before 'im going to bail'.
> 
> I have no idea what you are getting at with the covert contract stuff. I was interested in getting to know her, yes, but I have no interest in dating her now. Could that change? possibly, but she would definitely have work to do, and I do not see her doing that.
> 
> I want to know how to address with a woman unacceptable behavior, such as flaking on a date, without sounding like I am crazy/upset/angry.



You didn't state all that before. So thanks. 

A convert contract is when you give / say something with an intent of reciprocation. (When you didn't state your intent for reciprocation.) The easiest example of this, is when you tell someone you love them, and they don't say it back. Being offended that they didn't say it back, is due to the covert contract. 

So, you gave her a chance, gave her chance number 2. She screwed up both times. In all fairness.

Burn me once, shame of you. Burn me twice, shame on me. 

As far as etiquette goes. Nothing wrong with saying, "I hope all is well, but this is why I deleted your number the first time. I wish you the best." 

Or, no contact no response. Both in my opinion are acceptable. I lean more towards the "no need to respond back" because she knows the ball is in her court.


----------



## Miss Independent

*Deidre* said:


> My guess is she is holding off sex because she doesn't feel like she can trust you, and that you don't trust her enough to meet your child. That said, I don't blame you for not wanting to introduce her to your child, for you don't sound like you entirely trust her. Sounds like you both have trust issues, and perhaps you are heading for an impasse.




I agree that they both have trust issue. However, I disagree that he should introduce her to his daughter because they don't know whether they want to spend the rest of their lives together. What if his daughter gets attached to her, but things don't work out between RD and miss Pony? 
Why introduce your child to every men or women you're dating? Their relationship isn't solid, in my opinion, for miss Pony to be in his daughter's life. 

I don't see it as a trust issue. I see it as doing what's best for RD's daughter.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, um, guys? I think I met someone...

ETA: I'm not being enigmatic. I just realized I don't have time to write a whole post, not until later.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> I will say this about my behavior: RD may not have liked it, but it was what I needed to do. But that was for me, mostly. *I'm so laid back and flexible (most of the time, anyway) that people start to take advantage and walk all over me if I let them.* I HAVE to be that firm for people to take me seriously, but it's also for ME. To reinforce my boundaries for ME. To reclaim my self-agency, and to assert my self-respect. I needed to express my hurt and anger at the way he treated me. I have spent too much of my life holding my tongue and denying the legitimacy of my own emotions and needs in deference to people who didn't really deserve it and who didn't give a sh!t about my feelings (my mom and now XH), and I'm not doing that anymore. I know, and won't deny, that my reaction was mostly about me, and had very little to do with J-Dawg. Maybe RD didn't like it, but honestly, I don't care. J-Dawg had been a d!ck, but I had initially exited and ended things gracefully without making a BFD of things, but then he decided a few weeks later that he wanted to pull that string again and see if he could keep my number in his book for later--even if he didn't admit it. And that's when I went to town on him. And at that point, I didn't really care, because I wasn't looking to salvage anything out of that situation, anyway. And I needed to be true to MYSELF and MY needs.
> 
> Onto your situation: do whatever the fvck you want to do.
> 
> To can give her one more chance, which I don't think she deserves, or you can cut her off.
> 
> I would say, the next time she contacts you to make plans, tell her you're not interested in pursuing the friendship/whatever anymore, and wish her the best. If she protests, tell her that she has been disrespectful of you and your time, in her lack of planning and her late cancellations, etc., and that you don't have space for people like that in your life. And ask that she respect that and no longer contact you, and if she does continue to contact you after that, block her and/or don't respond.
> 
> YOU have control over whom you allow into your life, and who gets your time and attention. Which is very valuable indeed. You have finite amounts of it. Don't waste it on someone like this.
> 
> (I'm intrigued that I am now being used as a behavioral model and reference.)


I hope I did not offend you-- I was mostly using it as something a) I remembered (and that there were differing opinions on) and b) the part in bold applies to me as well and as you might know I allowed FWB to definitely take me for granted starting about 3 months after we met, when she realized (maybe?) how laid back and flexible i was with everything. 

And also, while i was not really that upset about not seeing this girl-- heavy texter-- i was and am upset about her and others, including my ex wife, walking all over me. 

Trying to figure out how to enforce my boundaries as well as I feel i am being disrespected on many fronts because of my good nature and laid back personality.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR said:


> I hope I did not offend you-- I was mostly using it as something a) I remembered (and that there were differing opinions on) and b) the part in bold applies to me as well and as you might know I allowed FWB to definitely take me for granted starting about 3 months after we met, when she realized (maybe?) how laid back and flexible i was with everything.
> 
> And also, while i was not really that upset about not seeing this girl-- heavy texter-- i was and am upset about her and others, including my ex wife, walking all over me.
> 
> Trying to figure out how to enforce my boundaries as well as I feel i am being disrespected on many fronts because of my good nature and laid back personality.


You should know by now that it takes quite a bit to offend me 

ETA: Learning how to enforce boundaries can take some time, as it takes some trial and error, not to mention that you are changing and modifying old behavioral patterns. Even when doing the right thing, it can feel uncomfortable at first--you may even feel guilty. That's normal.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, um, guys? I think I met someone...
> 
> ETA: I'm not being enigmatic. I just realized I don't have time to write a whole post, not until later.


tell us....


----------



## ne9907

spinsterdurga said:


> So, you guys are back together ?


For now...

OMG I did a brand new painting and I love it! The painting is the first one I a series of three or four, not exactly sure. It is a dandelion in space, floating away, then an astronaut comes in the photo wants to capture the dandelion and floats away from his ship. His cord breaks, he doesn't notice because the dandelion is such an oddity, he never sees the black hole until... it is too late. He is forever stuck in the horizon reaching for the beautiful dandelion...


----------



## sosotte

MRR said:


> I deleted her number several weeks ago. I asked her out 2-3 times, she said no, and did not show interest in wanting to see me, so yes I moved on. She reached out to me through FB. She was disappointed that I had deleted her number. One night a couple weeks ago I was reading at a coffee shop and just randomly texted her that she should stop by (we had met there before) and she had our kids and said she 'loved our conversation'. She also, right after we met, texted, 'meeting you was all I hoped it would be'.
> 
> So anyway, I tried, she didn't make time, deleted the number, she reached out again, we MADE DEFINITE PLANS, she confirmed sat morning and then stated right before 'im going to bail'.
> 
> I have no idea what you are getting at with the covert contract stuff. I was interested in getting to know her, yes, but I have no interest in dating her now. Could that change? possibly, but she would definitely have work to do, and I do not see her doing that.
> 
> I want to know how to address with a woman unacceptable behavior, such as flaking on a date, without sounding like I am crazy/upset/angry.


I think you should say something if you feel like. If you truly don't care, you wouldn't even think about it. But since you do feel disrespected, then it's more than ok to say so in my opinion. You don't have to be rude when doing so either, just communicate how you feel. I think in the case of a man, it could even be seen as a quality, like you stand up for yourself and won't people treat you like dirt. If it was the opposite, the girl might come off as clingy, although I still think she should say something if she feels the need to. 
After all, if she doesn't care about your feelings, or thinks your crazy, you're better off without her and won't regret speaking the truth.


----------



## sosotte

A quick update on my side. So as a reminder, the guy I was seeing was the last 2 months told me he wanted to break things off and we did. Then he kept messaging me and was all nice and cute and a 10 days later invited me to join him and his friends for dinner. I did and we talked just a little bit and it was nice, but it was after happy hour and when I got there I started feeling really drunk and decided to go back home. It was a bit weird on my side because I showed up there really wasted, had one more drink or so while we waited for a table and disappeared completely. I ran out of battery and money and walked home. It took me more than an hour and when I finally got home and plugged my phone, I had 3 missed calls from him, so I called back to explain the situation.
Anyway the next day he left for 10 days vacation. In the morning I messaged him to say sorry again and wish him a nice trip and we exchanged quite a few messages. Later at night I messaged again to ask how his first day went, and he didn't reply in .... 10 days. Once back he sent me a message about coming to pick me up at the airport (I also went away for 4 days) .. at 1:30AM and again at 5:30AM... The next day he messaged about helping me more with my project. 
So I waited until I got back home and told him that it was better if he didn't message me again, since he had decided to stop seeing each others and since I didn't like that he didn't reply to my message in 10 days. He said something like OK, sorry, was just trying to be nice and friends. I didn't reply :/

Meanwhile, my ex with whom I was for 2 years and broke up with me heard I was dating someone new and started messaging me again...

Guys???!!!

PS: I was wondering if perhaps, maybe, if we feel the need to vent here about people and dates, they are probably not good matches. I mean the people who do meet someone amazing just go on to live the dream and forget about this thread. So the ones who feel the need to come here and ask for advice when seeing someone, it might means that it's not going anywhere... Thoughts?


----------



## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> She may also want to see how you interact with D in general. You can learn a LOT about a man's character by observing how a man interacts with his children.
> 
> But I agree with tripad... I'm starting to get a whiff of manipulation...





spinsterdurga said:


> I agree that they both have trust issue. However, I disagree that he should introduce her to his daughter because they don't know whether they want to spend the rest of their lives together. What if his daughter gets attached to her, but things don't work out between RD and miss Pony?
> Why introduce your child to every men or women you're dating? Their relationship isn't solid, in my opinion, for miss Pony to be in his daughter's life.
> 
> I don't see it as a trust issue. I see it as doing what's best for RD's daughter.


Agree with both. To me, there's nothing wrong with not having sex until marriage, or waiting a few months to really know someone to have sex. But, I'd be turned off by someone if I had kids, and they 'acted neglected' on a weekend when they knew I had my kids. But, this was also why I never dated a guy with kids. So, people make the beds they lay in, and wonder why they don't like those beds. If you date a guy who has kids, then you will take a backseat on the weekend he is with his kid. It's also a bad sign if someone only wishes to meet your child, because they don't want to miss out on time with you. It makes me think she doesn't really want to meet the child, but rather just wants to see how she 'ranks' in terms of meeting the child. Idk.

Personally, if I had a child, I'd have to be in a long term relationship knowing it's heading for marriage, before I'd introduce my child to the person. That's just me.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

MRR said:


> So, thoughts? How do you set the boundary without sounding like you are really upset? I have no problem not seeing her but am tired of people being inconsiderate and not valuing my time and feel the need to express myself.


I think you should block her number and forget about her. She has been nothing but a time/energy suck from the get go. Not offering the reason for her cancellation was extremely rude, and you should take that as an indication of the kind of person she is. 

NEXT.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you should block her number and forget about her. She has been nothing but a time/energy suck from the get go. Not offering the reason for her cancellation was extremely rude, and you should take that as an indication of the kind of person she is.
> 
> NEXT.


Mic drop!

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## vi_bride04

TooNice said:


> I had a moment of weakness last weekend and have re-entered the online dating world.
> 
> Until my $20 is used up on *******. Less than a week of being back quickly reminded me why I left. :-/
> 
> In other news, I have continued to stand my ground about no longer settling for being in the moment. I'm liking how it feels to say no. (This is not a judgement, by any means... For me, right now, living in the moment and having fun no longer feels right. So I am trying something different.) I feel stronger about the fact that I am ready for a relationship. I can wait. Emotionally, it's a little draining, but I know it's right. A dear older man in a circle of friends emailed me over the weekend and had noticed I seemed down. He correctly guessed it was related to my frustration with dating, and said some really lovely things to me about the kind of woman he perceives me to be, and what is out there waiting for me. It was really lovely to have someone be that kind.
> 
> He's right. And I guess I needed to try once more to tell myself again that I'm not likely to find it online or in a bar. I just need to find patience. And remind myself that there is no rushing it.
> 
> It takes a lot of reminding, though!


I can relate to this post. Fun is OK but I'm done with the YOLO type attitude I've had for a few years. 

And yup... OLD & bar scene is so not where I want to meet anyone... Unless it's a bar along a hiking trail, lol


----------



## vi_bride04

RD, she thinks you are a player cuz of your attitude about women and "ramming" them. She probably senses your slight disrespect towards females when it comes to sex. That subconscious attitude can give out "player" vibes.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> She may also want to see how you interact with D in general. You can learn a LOT about a man's character by observing how a man interacts with his children.
> 
> But I agree with tripad... I'm starting to get a whiff of manipulation...


How can that be? I show her videos I take with my daughter all the time. It's my way of introducing my family life to her without introducing her to my daughter. Is that not enough?



vi_bride04 said:


> RD, she thinks you are a player cuz of your attitude about women and "ramming" them. She probably senses your slight disrespect towards females when it comes to sex. That subconscious attitude can give out "player" vibes.


I don't believe so, the only time I went "I need to ram something" was last year due to sexual frustrations. Even then I seem to be heavily misunderstood on this forum due to my vents. For those who understand me on this forum and in real life I'm anything but a misogynist.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> So, um, guys? I think I met someone...
> 
> ETA: I'm not being enigmatic. I just realized I don't have time to write a whole post, not until later.


Ey? 
Come now!

Tell all 

Hehe


----------



## hope4family

h4f, just checking in. I got a back rub and a makout session. I'll take it. 

So we basically went from holding hands with her pulling away 2 dates ago. To full on making out. That escalated quickly.


----------



## RandomDude

Wow... what a mole at the shops, seriously. Is it too hard to ask for some respect when it comes to customer service? Sheez

How these people get jobs I have no idea, oh wait, that's right, minimum wage. Plah! Not worth even that IMO


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> So, um, guys? I think I met someone...
> 
> ETA: I'm not being enigmatic. I just realized I don't have time to write a whole post, not until later.


Why don't I get to meet any man at all ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Miss pony is not answering my calls, so meh, whatever. If she's upset that I refuse to apologise for something I'm not sorry for then I have had enough of her too. Bah! Things are just not going my way today, must be the rain. *sigh* So I maybe standing alone once again, sitting on my success with no one to share it. Well... almost no one, at least my daughter's financial future is secure, but I doubt she want her daddy to be alone for the rest of his life too... *sigh*



It does get depressing, I'm out of straws again. How does one keep going on hoping with so many disappointments consistently throughout their life? Even millions is easier to achieve than finding that one soulmate. Meh, just feeling down. Bah! *slaps myself* FK IT!

Not giving up. Sick of giving up. I'll keep trying.

/end vent


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Miss pony is not answering my calls, so meh, whatever. If she's upset that I refuse to apologise for something I'm not sorry for then I have had enough of her too. Bah! Things are just not going my way today, must be the rain. *sigh* So I maybe standing alone once again, sitting on my success with no one to share it. Well... almost no one, at least my daughter's financial future is secure, but I doubt she want her daddy to be alone for the rest of his life too... *sigh*
> 
> 
> 
> It does get depressing, I'm out of straws again. How does one keep going on hoping with so many disappointments consistently throughout their life? Even millions is easier to achieve than finding that one soulmate. Meh, just feeling down. Bah! *slaps myself* FK IT!
> 
> Not giving up. Sick of giving up. I'll keep trying.
> 
> /end vent


You dont need Ms Pony. She is playing a game of cat and mouse. Not a good woman. 

You know what you do is YOU stop pursuing her. Stop calling her, texting her etc. You will see how fast she turns tail and pursues you. She is playing a game which you need to participate in. Stop playing the game. She wants to feel powerful. She runs, you pursue. She holds the cards just like the no sex routine. She wants to control everything.

Tell her you need someone more compatible, more sexual and walk away. The tune will change real quick if she really wants you.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> How can that be? I show her videos I take with my daughter all the time. It's my way of introducing my family life to her without introducing her to my daughter. Is that not enough?


Videos can be misleading--studies show that people are almost ALWAYS better behaved when they're being videographed, because they are subconsciously aware that other people will watch at some point, and potentially judge them.

How you engage with your daughter one-on-one, spontaneously, may be different, and is more indicative of your character than any video you might have on your phone.

I'll give you an example. My boss talks about his kids on a regular basis, has photos of them on his desk, and has some pictures they colored hung up in his office. By every account a proud family man, right? He's even asked me for advice how to get one of his kids involved with theater, because he thinks his son would really enjoy it. But I've seen him interact with his kids, and he consistently comes across as dismissive and detached, and it's obvious from his kids' behavior that they don't get enough attention from him to feel secure in their relationship with him.


----------



## RandomDude

bkyln309 said:


> You dont need Ms Pony. She is playing a game of cat and mouse. Not a good woman.
> 
> You know what you do is YOU stop pursuing her. Stop calling her, texting her etc. You will see how fast she turns tail and pursues you. She is playing a game which you need to participate in. Stop playing the game. She wants to feel powerful. She runs, you pursue. She holds the cards just like the no sex routine. She wants to control everything.
> 
> Tell her you need someone more compatible, more sexual and walk away. The tune will change real quick if she really wants you.


I don't strike out with my calls or texts, it's rare I even leave behind a follow up call or message (strike two). She wants her space, fine, but if she refuses to discuss it with me ok - all the more reason to pull more eggs out of this busket and cash out.

Silent treatments are a dealbreaker, period.

I'm ready to let her go.



FeministInPink said:


> Videos can be misleading--studies show that people are almost ALWAYS better behaved when they're being videographed, because they are subconsciously aware that other people will watch at some point, and potentially judge them.
> 
> How you engage with your daughter one-on-one, spontaneously, may be different, and is more indicative of your character than any video you might have on your phone.
> 
> I'll give you an example. My boss talks about his kids on a regular basis, has photos of them on his desk, and has some pictures they colored hung up in his office. By every account a proud family man, right? He's even asked me for advice how to get one of his kids involved with theater, because he thinks his son would really enjoy it. But I've seen him interact with his kids, and he consistently comes across as dismissive and detached, and it's obvious from his kids' behavior that they don't get enough attention from him to feel secure in their relationship with him.


Sheez, it can be THAT bad? Bah! Well too bad!

I'm not going to introduce her to my daughter just because she somehow thinks I'm an a$$hole of a dad.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Waiting for FIPs "I met someone" story.... Patiently..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> I don't strike out with my calls or texts, it's rare I even leave behind a follow up call or message (strike two). She wants her space, fine, but if she refuses to discuss it with me ok - all the more reason to pull more eggs out of this busket and cash out.
> 
> Silent treatments are a dealbreaker, period.
> 
> I'm ready to let her go.
> 
> 
> 
> Sheez, it can be THAT bad? Bah! Well too bad!
> 
> I'm not going to introduce her to my daughter just because she somehow thinks I'm an a$$hole of a dad.


RD, I agree it's time to let her go. Any time someone pressures a single parent to meet the kids before the parent says OK, automatic deal-breaker. That, and the overreacting about the Easter weekend. And you two not being sexually compatible. We could go on.

There's someone out there for you, I know it.


----------



## RandomDude

I'll give her until tomorrow, if she decides to continue avoiding me past that then I'm cutting loose without initiating anymore contact. 

Patience is not my virtue, even less so after ex wife.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude;15307585
Silent treatments are a dealbreaker said:


> Totally agreed
> 
> She's passive aggressive , manipulative . sex perhaps is her tool .
> 
> Imagine if she's your gf or wife , it will be hell .
> 
> Sounds a little like my ex .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> RD, I agree it's time to let her go. Any time someone pressures a single parent to meet the kids before the parent says OK, automatic deal-breaker. That, and the overreacting about the Easter weekend. And you two not being sexually compatible. We could go on.
> 
> There's someone out there for you, I know it.


Agreed .

Deal breaker .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> I'll give her until tomorrow, if she decides to continue avoiding me past that then I'm cutting loose without initiating anymore contact.
> 
> Patience is not my virtue, even less so after ex wife.


Why wait, with how she is acting, she has revealed herself to you. She seems exhausting.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I'll give you an example. My boss talks about his kids on a regular basis, has photos of them on his desk, and has some pictures they colored hung up in his office. By every account a proud family man, right? He's even asked me for advice how to get one of his kids involved with theater, because he thinks his son would really enjoy it. But I've seen him interact with his kids, and he consistently comes across as dismissive and detached, and it's obvious from his kids' behavior that they don't get enough attention from him to feel secure in their relationship with him.


Sounds like my ex . He portrayed a devoted dad who panics n acts disturbed when my child throws up , who boasted about my children's achievements n claimed credit for it when I am the one who taught them to ride the bike or to play chess or to pay for swim class . In front of the nurse or doctor during my child birth , he would comment that he would take the needle and knife for me if only he could give birth for me . I only asked him to be a normal man , pay the bills , feed the kids , play with the kids . 

Behind closed door , he hit me in front of the kids , he stepped on their Lego n broke it and just kicked it away while my son cries , he swerved my car wheels in anger with my kids in the car . 

Perfect Doctor Jackal n Mr Hyde . 

They portrayed a image they think it is right for the society but they are actually not . narcissistic ? Pyscho ? Insecure ? Who knows ? 

While a normal human like me would just behave normal with my kids . I love them n will do any thing for them but I do have my bad hair day n loose my temper on them and I don't hide it . I know I am not perfect n I told them so but they know I love them dearly n I live and do anything for them .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I'll give her until tomorrow, if she decides to continue avoiding me past that then I'm cutting loose without initiating anymore contact.
> 
> Patience is not my virtue, even less so after ex wife.


If I were you , it is already the end .

Even if she realizes she hits your limit n decides to play ball with you now . is that what you want in a relationship ? 

Unless she calls from the hospital , I would say it is game over . 

She can't play games to get exposure to your daughter . 

Maybe she's single and can't understand or feel that , but she should respect your decision wrt your child .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> I'll give her until tomorrow, if she decides to continue avoiding me past that then I'm cutting loose without initiating anymore contact.
> 
> 
> 
> Patience is not my virtue, even less so after ex wife.




Why give her until tomorrow? You should drop her now. She's manipulative and unreasonable.


----------



## RandomDude

For not answering 2 calls within hours? No, that's going to be me being unreasonable. I reckon 24 hours is fair. 

I'm being kept all night, my phone vibrates, and I reach out hoping it's her, and what do you know? It's not...

Meh, by the time 24 hours has reached, I would be hardened and cold enough to cut the thread.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> For not answering 2 calls within hours? No, that's going to be me being unreasonable. I reckon 24 hours is fair.
> 
> I'm being kept all night, my phone vibrates, and I reach out hoping it's her, and what do you know? It's not...
> 
> Meh, by the time 24 hours has reached, I would be hardened and cold enough to cut the thread.


Totally agree, give her some time.


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> For not answering 2 calls within hours? No, that's going to be me being unreasonable. I reckon 24 hours is fair.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm being kept all night, my phone vibrates, and I reach out hoping it's her, and what do you know? It's not...
> 
> 
> 
> Meh, by the time 24 hours has reached, I would be hardened and cold enough to cut the thread.




It's been 11 hours since you first posted, yet you want to give her 11 more hours? Unless she has a valid explanation there's no reason to not text back for 11 hours. 

I'm a woman. I've played men. I'm telling you if you don't want to get played, you need to drop those who play games with you. 

The key to not getting hurt is knowing when to walk away.


----------



## TooNice

RD, I think it's reasonable to give her a little time. I also think your decision with her is already made, unless she does something remarkable to bring you back around.

Having kids definitely changes the dating scene. I haven't been doing this long enough to have a lot of insight into the whole dating a parent vs non-parent thing. But I know a few things from personal experience:

--I dove eyes wide open into my relationship with my ex and his daughter. Despite my estrangement with my SD now, I have no regrets about that. I loved her wholeheartedly and truly.

--I would run from a man who wanted to have me meet his kids right away. <shudder> 

--Even as the mom of a grown boy, my kid comes first. One man I was texting with inferred once that I seemed to drop everything for him when he's home. Said something about who calls the shots. He got a screenful of message back from me and was blocked immediately. I most certainly call the shots, but I prioritize my kid because I want to, not because he expects me to.

--I know he's an adult, but my son will not meet a man who is in my life until I deem that meeting to be appropriate. Just because he's grown, doesn't mean I will treat that moment any differently than I would if he were younger. 

So yeah... My dating insight as a mom in a nutshell. 


~Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

OK, guys. Sorry I took so long to post. Work has been CRAZY as of late, so I've been working long days at the office and bringing a lot of work home, and haven't been able to get on TAM much.

So, yeah. I've kind of met someone. I'm not sure if this will go anywhere, or where it might go, but I'll tell you what I've got so far.

So, you all know about my ahem *kinky* ahem social media site, and on this site there are lots of groups (like Facebook groups), sometimes based on mutual interests (both kinky and vanilla), or sometimes based on geographic region. And there is a Singles group in my geographic region, and they host get-togethers 1-2 times per month. I went to a small gathering back in late January and met a few people, one of whom lives in my neighborhood and with whom I've become friends and have hung out with several times. She encouraged me to come out to a happy hour gathering last week, because she know how hard I've been working and she insisted that I needed to get out and have some fun. 

Now these things are very not-kinky, just people hanging out and talking, designed to share ideas and help new people feel comfortable in the community. It's a singles group, but people aren't there to pick up other people (ok, maybe some are, but most aren't). Towards the end of the night, my friend introduces me to a friend of hers, this guy who works in real estate in our area. (So we'll call him Real Estate.) So, we're chatting, and we're having a great conversation, but I don't really think much of it, because I was thinking about another guy that I hit it off with at the bar earlier, and I'm wondering if Other Guy is going to follow up later. And Other Guy is like, really my type--travels a lot, does consulting, is an adjunct professor, and is right in the age range that I'm looking, and kind of gave me some butterflies.

So, BOTH guys follow up with me within a few hours of the happy hour, and I'm like, what?!? is going on?!? Both express an interest in seeing me at a future event, but neither actually asks me for a date, so I don't think anything of it. So, Saturday morning, I'm chilling at IHOP while my oil gets changed at Pep Boys next door, and I get a message from Real Estate. So, we're talking about my car and other such whatever, and he says, hey, let me take you to lunch. So, after I get my car stuff taken care of and do a few other things, we have lunch. And it's great. There's just this good flow going on, and we have a great time. I'm not feeling the butterflies, but I'm feeling good, safe, valued. And I'm just having fun. And then he says, hey, have you every been to XYZ [my code for this BDSM club up in Bumblefvck, MD]? Do you want to go with me tonight? So, I think, why the hell not? I'll be perfectly safe--it's safer in a club than going to someone's place, and I gave my friend all the details so she would know.

And we just had a lot of fun. It's an hour+ drive from where we live, and we talked and laughed and shared music the whole drive up. And we got close, and I realized that I had forgotten to bring tampons, which is kind of important. I said I wanted to go to a CVS, because they have travel pack size, but there wasn't a CVS right there... so I said, 7-11 will have tampons, that's OK. And he's like, no, I'm going to find you a CVS, because you want a CVS, and drives around for 15 minutes until we find one. And then he BUYS ME THE TAMPONS. ON OUR FIRST/SECOND DATE. BECAUSE NO LADY SHOULD HAVE TO BUY HER OWN TAMPONS. *_swoon_*

And he was the perfect gentleman. Even though he had no pants on. (It's a BDSM club, people.) He always made sure that I was comfortable, that I was at ease--which was doubly important, considering that I have never been to a BDSM club before. He just wanted to make sure that I had a good time. He was very considerate and thoughtful. And according to my friend, that's just the WAY he IS, she says it's not an act. I've never had a man treat me this well. I felt positively spoiled. But there was part of my brain that said, _FiP, this is how a man should treat you. This is what you deserve in a partner. Don't go back to accepting less, now that you know what to expect._

If nothing else happens, then at least I've learned that much. I don't have the butterflies, but I think that might be ok, because whenever I have the butterflies, it flares up and then dies quickly. There are some things about him that aren't deal breakers, but will need to be negotiated. Primarily, he's 420 friendly and smokes regularly--inside his house, because it's not yet legal in VA. I don't mind the fact that he smokes--I think it should be legal--but I don't love the smell, so if we were ever to live together, we'd need to find a place with a shed or a detached garage, because I do not want it in my house, and I don't want my stuff smelling like weed. But he's not your typical "stoner"--he has his own business, he makes good money, and he works hard. But these things... I'm totally getting ahead of myself. (It's just the way my brain works.) And he's very upfront with who he is, which I find refreshing. 

We did kind of botch the first kiss. I wasn't expecting it, and my hands were full of stuff, and we were in the car, and in the car is always awkward... but we have another date scheduled for Wednesday. And a tentative third for Sunday (his sister might have to go in for surgery, so that's iffy.)

So that's the story. I'm not putting all my eggs in this basket, and if Other Guy stays in touch and asks me out (soon), I'm not ruling him out either. But Real Estate has potential. Not really what I thought I was looking for... but he might be what I need.


----------



## FeministInPink

PS. And he's divorced, so he understands that thing... and he has no kids, and I don't think he wants kids, either. So he has both those things going for him, too.


----------



## FeministInPink

PPS. And I wasn't even looking.


----------



## TooNice

So glad to get the update, FIP. We've all been waiting-lol! Can't wait to hear how things go!


~Just breathe.


----------



## RandomDude

FIP! FINALLY  Happy for you, hope it goes well!


----------



## RandomDude

Day off today, and nothing to do, weather is too crap, miss pony still not calling. Didn't get the numbers of last two prospects since I was still loyal to miss pony, but now, on the verge of a breakup, feel like sh-t. Sitting on my ass, still switched off from work until tomorrow, operations still running smoothly. What to do...

Can't stop thinking about my love life today, depression...


----------



## vi_bride04

Why? You were ready to cut pony out of your life just last week.


----------



## RandomDude

Thinking about it is one thing, being serious about it, especially after all the good times we did share, is another.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Thinking about it is one thing, being serious about it, especially after all the good times we did share, is another.


Fair enough, RD.


----------



## GuyInColorado

RD...go to a good strip club... that always gives me temporary happiness!  Just bring a $100 and no CC's...


----------



## TooNice

I know I am feeling good about my decisions lately, and I do hold to that. But man, being strong is tough sometimes. 

It's been awhile for me since I have been with someone now. Probably the longest since I started dating again. I miss the physical connection. And last night I saw the younger man I broke up with. We hung out and talked for some time after a social event. And we both admitted some of the things that had crossed our minds since that night. While we managed to part ways without anything happening, it was nice to know he's thinking it, too.  We also talked more about why I ended it. He would have been fine continuing things, but I explained that as ready as I am for a LTR, I simply cannot have something with him and be looking at the same time. I just can't multitask like that. But man... it was tough to not just kiss the boy. 

I know this will get easier (the waiting)... but it's a transition for me. 

Wait... it does get easier, right...??


----------



## RandomDude

GuyInColorado said:


> RD...go to a good strip club... that always gives me temporary happiness!  Just bring a $100 and no CC's...


Haha, I could, but it'll probably make me more depressed. To be valued just for my money, will only add to my depression, as it adds to the diminishment of my hope that there could be someone out there who I'm attracted to, who is attracted to me because of who I am and not how much I make.

9 more hours for miss pony... still no call from her. Clock is ticking...



TooNice said:


> I know I am feeling good about my decisions lately, and I do hold to that. But man, being strong is tough sometimes.
> 
> It's been awhile for me since I have been with someone now. Probably the longest since I started dating again. I miss the physical connection. And last night I saw the younger man I broke up with. We hung out and talked for some time after a social event. And we both admitted some of the things that had crossed our minds since that night. While we managed to part ways without anything happening, it was nice to know he's thinking it, too.  We also talked more about why I ended it. He would have been fine continuing things, but I explained that as ready as I am for a LTR, I simply cannot have something with him and be looking at the same time. I just can't multitask like that. But man... it was tough to not just kiss the boy.
> 
> I know this will get easier (the waiting)... but it's a transition for me.
> 
> Wait... it does get easier, right...??


Errr... I'd rather not answer that, I'm probably not the best person to give my opinion at this point >.<


----------



## foolscotton3

Well RD, I guess she turned out to be crazy after all.

At least you didn't break rule #1; Don't stick your prick in crazy...


----------



## RandomDude

Lol, yeah well I haven't stuck my prick into anything for a year now so... don't know whether to smile or frown at that.

While staring at my phone I managed to download tinder, first time actually. Dunno, feel like just seeing what else is out there, trying to get my mind off her now I guess.


----------



## RandomDude

FOUR HOURS LEFT... >.<

Still staring at an empty screen on my phone, well not so empty now, I found Tinder! Not the end of the world right? 

*sniff* 
I REFUSE TO ALLOW MYSELF TO GET EMO OVER THIS


----------



## RandomDude

And so she calls, 30 minutes till midnight, acting completely oblivious to what she did, she was either stupid, or thought she could get away with it. So ok, decided to play that game too. I'm seeing her tomorrow for lunch, dumping her then. If she's late or stands me up I'll dump her by text. Either way, she infuriated me tonight with her ignorance and that's it - I'm done.

And hell WTF? I got a tinder match while waiting for her! I should feel better right? NO! I feel even worse, disgusted at even the thought of romance or even trying to date again. This is disgusting, human mating is fking disgusting, I had enough. I AM DONE 

Bah!

/end vent

Going to sleep this off


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Thanks for the update FIP!


----------



## hope4family

RandomDude said:


> And so she calls, 30 minutes till midnight, acting completely oblivious to what she did, she was either stupid, or thought she could get away with it. So ok, decided to play that game too. I'm seeing her tomorrow for lunch, dumping her then. If she's late or stands me up I'll dump her by text. Either way, she infuriated me tonight with her ignorance and that's it - I'm done.
> 
> And hell WTF? I got a tinder match while waiting for her! I should feel better right? NO! I feel even worse, disgusted at even the thought of romance or even trying to date again. This is disgusting, human mating is fking disgusting, I had enough. I AM DONE
> 
> Bah!
> 
> /end vent
> 
> Going to sleep this off


And there is the emo....

Keep your head up, there are decent people out there. Takes time.


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> she thought she could get away with it. So ok, decided to play that game too. I'm seeing her tomorrow for lunch, dumping her then. If she's late or stands me up I'll dump her by text. Either way, she infuriated me tonight with her ignorance and that's it - I'm done.
> 
> 
> 
> And hell WTF? I got a tinder match while waiting for her! I should feel better right? NO! I feel even worse, disgusted at even the thought of romance or even trying to date again. This is disgusting, human mating is fking disgusting, I had enough. I AM DONE
> 
> 
> 
> Bah!
> 
> 
> 
> /end vent
> 
> 
> 
> Going to sleep this off




First of all, I'm so sorry that I said you were a player. You're clearly NOT a player. 

Miss Pony knew that you weren't a player. Dude, she's a player and manipulative. 

You're not feeling better because you were hoping that she had an "explanation " --she would maybe apologize?-- instead of cutting her off when she couldn't be bothered to text/call back. Don't do the 24 hours. 

You've known her for 2-3 months, and you're disgusted by the idea of dating because of her??? 

You won't get hurt in the future if you learn to spot the red flags, have uncomfortable conversations and next people who don't respect you/your time.


----------



## FeministInPink

OK, so it occurs to me that I should offer some context or add'l info regarding what exactly happens at a BDSM club, because I was talking to a non-kinky friend, and she said the idea of going to a BDSM club on a first date freaks her out a little... and then she admitted that she doesn't really know what goes ON at a BDSM club. So maybe I should tell you guys? 

So, first off, it isn't like there are people having sex everywhere. It's NOT a big orgy. Yes, there are lots of people walking around in various states of undress, but there are also people wearing regular clothes. And there was one woman dressed up like a panda, and there was a guy with a beard wearing women's lingerie, and there was a twink wearing a puffy animal tail and animal ears. And it's mostly people just hanging out and talking. There are places around the room where people can do "play/scenes" (actually practice their BDSM stuff, like bondage or flogging or spanking or whatever), and 90% of the time, there's nothing sexual going on. (In some states/jurisdiction, sex is not permitted in any way, at all.) In this particular club, they do have private rooms upstairs if you want to do something more... private. But people aren't going there to have rando sex or hookups. Most of the people who are there are couples, and they go because they're exhibitionists, or because there's furniture/equipment/facilities that they don't have at home. Or they just go to hang out and talk with other kinky people.

And from my experience thus far, everyone has been super nice and accepting. And there were people of ALL shapes and sizes there. It was definitely NOT the all-the-beautiful-and-fit-people that I've seen represented as the kinky standard in media. I feel pretty damn good about my size-16 body after going to the club. I won't be stripping down and walking around naked the next time I go, but I'll feel more comfortable wearing something a little more revealing next time.

So, that's what it's like. If you were wondering. And the fact that I found it all to be COMPLETELY NORMAL tells me that I found my people.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Ha.. seems weird to me. But I won't judge


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> So, that's what it's like. If you were wondering. And the fact that I found it all to be COMPLETELY NORMAL tells me that I found my people.


Seems like BDSM guy maybe showing you a whole new world that you never knew existed. 

He's your Aladdin alright:








https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s

BDSM style of course!!! lol
Don't even wanna think about how that looks like but anyway... take his hand and allow yourself to be swept off your feet


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> BDSM style of course!!! lol
> Don't even wanna think about how that looks like but anyway... take his hand and allow yourself to be swept off your feet


Oh okay, cause the whole tampon part freaked me out a bit...

I was wondering why tampons would be a necessity at a BDSM club, and taking his hand had a whole new meaning.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

I'm trying not to judge, too, but the thought of my date having his pants off on a first date, in public, is just way too weird for me. I'm having trouble believing that a man who asks a woman to go to a club like this on a first date is also a man who really knows how to treat/respect a lady. But, I do know that "this" is how you met him (kinda) so obviously he knows you're ok with it....

What were you two DOING while you were in there? Why were his pants off? 

How often is the "equipment" sanitized and how? I think I'd be really grossed out in a place like that, but I get grossed out in hotels for the same reason (thinking how many people have had sex there).


----------



## SecondTime'Round

foolscotton3 said:


> Oh okay, cause the whole tampon part freaked me out a bit...
> 
> I was wondering why tampons would be a necessity at a BDSM club, and taking his hand had a whole new meaning.


I read her post that way, too, but then realized she probably just needed tampons for the usual reason!


----------



## RandomDude

hope4family said:


> And there is the emo....
> 
> Keep your head up, there are decent people out there. Takes time.





spinsterdurga said:


> First of all, I'm so sorry that I said you were a player. You're clearly NOT a player.
> 
> Miss Pony knew that you weren't a player. Dude, she's a player and manipulative.
> 
> You're not feeling better because you were hoping that she had an "explanation " --she would maybe apologize?-- instead of cutting her off when she couldn't be bothered to text/call back. Don't do the 24 hours.
> 
> You've known her for 2-3 months, and you're disgusted by the idea of dating because of her???
> 
> You won't get hurt in the future if you learn to spot the red flags, have uncomfortable conversations and next people who don't respect you/your time.


Meh, I'll be fine, I just needed to vent.

I invested a little too much too soon. Just all the honey in my ears, I wanted to believe it. But whatever, eggs out of the busket now, stings a little, but anger at myself is holding me together.

Also blocking out all the "what ifs" and other random BS my stupid brain is coming up with to stop me from doing what is necessary.

Been on this road over and over again, I'll be fine. Thanks though.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Seems like BDSM guy maybe showing you a whole new world that you never knew existed.
> 
> He's your Aladdin alright:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s
> 
> BDSM style of course!!! lol
> Don't even wanna think about how that looks like but anyway... take his hand and allow yourself to be swept off your feet


OMG, you're too much! LOL

It involves a lot of making sure that everything is consensual. It's also a lot of, "treat her like a princess outside the bedroom, and like a slvt inside the bedroom." >

Right now, we're still at the princess part, because I told him I wasn't interested in casual sex, and he isn't either.


----------



## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> Oh okay, cause the whole tampon part freaked me out a bit...
> 
> I was wondering why tampons would be a necessity at a BDSM club, and taking his hand had a whole new meaning.


They're not necessary at a club. I needed them because I'm on my period, and I had forgotten to bring some. We went into the CVS, I picked out what I wanted, but he insisted on paying for them.

The tampon thing has NOTHING to do with the BDSM club. I was just impressed that he made such an effort to find the exact store that I wanted, and then insisted on paying for them.


----------



## RandomDude

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm trying not to judge, too, but the thought of my date having his pants off on a first date, in public, is just way too weird for me. I'm having trouble believing that a man who asks a woman to go to a club like this on a first date is also a man who really knows how to treat/respect a lady. But, I do know that "this" is how you met him (kinda) so obviously he knows you're ok with it....
> 
> What were you two DOING while you were in there? Why were his pants off?
> 
> How often is the "equipment" sanitized and how? I think I'd be really grossed out in a place like that, but I get grossed out in hotels for the same reason (thinking how many people have had sex there).


Heh let's just put it this way, it's not for everyone. But the fact that FIP feels at home there, is a good thing. Lifestylists, swingers too - have a very strict code.

Besides:


FeministInPink said:


> And from my experience thus far, everyone has been super nice and accepting. And there were people of ALL shapes and sizes there. It was definitely NOT the all-the-beautiful-and-fit-people that I've seen represented as the kinky standard in media. I feel pretty damn good about my size-16 body after going to the club. I won't be stripping down and walking around naked the next time I go, but I'll feel more comfortable wearing something a little more revealing next time.
> 
> So, that's what it's like. If you were wondering. And the fact that I found it all to be COMPLETELY NORMAL tells me that I found my people.


It's a click she didn't even think possible. This is promising if you ask me.


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm trying not to judge, too, but the thought of my date having his pants off on a first date, in public, is just way too weird for me. I'm having trouble believing that a man who asks a woman to go to a club like this on a first date is also a man who really knows how to treat/respect a lady. But, I do know that "this" is how you met him (kinda) so obviously he knows you're ok with it....
> 
> What were you two DOING while you were in there? Why were his pants off?
> 
> How often is the "equipment" sanitized and how? I think I'd be really grossed out in a place like that, but I get grossed out in hotels for the same reason (thinking how many people have had sex there).


He warned me far ahead of time that's what he would be doing (like when he invited me), so I wasn't surprised. He is an exhibitionist. That's his kink, and I already knew that, so I knew what to expect. And it was kind of like our second date, since we had already had a lunch date. And he invited me because I had mentioned over lunch that I wanted to go to this club and see what it was all about, but I didn't want to go alone--so he was offering to be my escort, in a way.

I'd like to mention that these clubs are VERY safe. They have VERY strict rules about NO TOUCHING ANYONE ELSE. You can touch someone if you have a pre-established relationship and agreement with them, but if you don't and you touch someone? They can (and will) throw you out and ban you. It's taken very, VERY seriously. They want everyone to feel safe--it's crucial to the life-breath of the community.

So, his pants were off because... he's an exhibitionist. That's pretty much it. He showed me around the club, gave me the tour. We watched other people doing scenes, he asked me if I wanted to try anything (I didn't, not on a first visit), we hung out and talked to one another, we talked with some other people. I got to see a complete rope rigging scene for the first time, which was really cool. There was some fire play (done by trained semi-professionals), which was interesting. 

Seriously, it's mostly people just hanging out and talking.

They take their cleaning and sanitation as seriously as they do their consent. It's like doctor-office exam room level cleaning and sanitation. In the main room/play area, the people using the equipment are expected to do the sanitizing and cleaning, and there's staff making around to make sure that they do it. And I noticed that people cleaned the equipment again before they used it, just in case. In the private rooms, everything is cleaned, sanitized, and changed out (I'm not sure if it's by the people using the room, or by the staff) after it's used.


----------



## FeministInPink

Oh, and I also have to mention--this club is public, but it's NOT. You have to RSVP in advance and be an active member of the community (the kink website) to even RSVP, and there's a pretty steep cover charge. Someone who creates a profile the day s/he RSVPs likely won't be allowed in at all. So it's public, but it's designed to keep out people who are just sexual tourists and just think it's a place to get laid, so it's more like a private, closed club. It isn't the same people every week, but if you go often enough, you'll get to know people. And I might run into other people that I've met at other Kink events (happy hours, etc.).


----------



## tripad

FIP

Wow interesting .

This is so out of the world for me over here . Non existent here . Not judging but it opened my eyes to another dimension .

RD . so what is status with Ms pony ?


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> *Heh let's just put it this way, it's not for everyone. *But the fact that FIP feels at home there, is a good thing. Lifestylists, swingers too - have a very strict code.


Oh, yes, so much this. I don't expect anyone here to be into it, but it was a very positive experience for me. This kind of place would freak out my sister. It would freak out my parents. It would freak out a lot of people. But it's not for them, and that's why they don't know about these kind of places. And I will NEVER TELL them about this.

If Real Estate and I get serious, and I bring him home to meet the family, they're going to meet a friendly, funny guy who treats their daughter/sister like a princess. And that's ALL they're going to see.

The only people who will know the nature of us are kinky friends, and even they won't know the full extent of our dynamic, because that's just the way it is.

I can tell y'all this stuff because I don't know you IRL, and if you judge me, I don't give a fvck.



RandomDude said:


> It's a click she didn't even think possible. This is promising if you ask me.


Despite SecondTime'Round's skepticism, he really was a gentleman, the whole day. I obviously didn't go into detail, and I won't, but I will give you an example.

I was wearing heels, and we had to park somewhat far away from the club, which was at the end of this very poorly paved road. Basically, the road was covered with really bad potholes, and the potholes had mud in their bottoms. This was an issue because I was wearing 3" heels. He offered me his arm and guided me on a convoluted, round-about route so that I could avoid stepping in any pothole/mud in my heels.


----------



## vi_bride04

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm trying not to judge, too, but the thought of my date having his pants off on a first date, in public, is just way too weird for me. I'm having trouble believing that a man who asks a woman to go to a club like this on a first date is also a man who really knows how to treat/respect a lady. But, I do know that "this" is how you met him (kinda) so obviously he knows you're ok with it....
> 
> What were you two DOING while you were in there? Why were his pants off?
> 
> How often is the "equipment" sanitized and how? I think I'd be really grossed out in a place like that, but I get grossed out in hotels for the same reason (thinking how many people have had sex there).


If you aren't into BDSM or kinky sex you will never understand


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> If you aren't into BDSM you will never understand




And I won't try to. Not my scene, and that's ok. 

What I do know is that FIP's original post about this conveyed a sense of contentment and comfort. I am thrilled that this man treated her with such respect and kindness. I don't care about the venue this particular date happened in... THAT part makes my heart happy!


----------



## vi_bride04

FIP - your story gives me hope for that site and I plan on going to the next munch in my area next week. 

Excited for you!!! Ooh and I read an article that people who practice BDSM are actually emotionally healthier than people who don't. Also they are more open minded and self aware. Not sure how scientific the study was and if it was specific to dom or sub behavior but none the less, kink is good.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> And I won't try to. Not my scene, and that's ok.
> 
> What I do know is that FIP's original post about this conveyed a sense of contentment and comfort. I am thrilled that this man treated her with such respect and kindness. I don't care about the venue this particular date happened in... THAT part makes my heart happy!


And that's what I was really trying to convey, the way I felt and the way hw treated me. That's what I want people to "get" about the post. Whether it was in a kinky context or a vanilla context doesn't matter. (But for the record, it crossed BOTH contexts.)

I don't expect non-kinky people to understand the kinky aspect, and it doesn't really matter if they do or not. We're not out to convert people. You're either into it or you're not, and both are cool.

Thanks 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> FIP - your story gives me hope for that site and I plan on going to the next munch in my area next week.
> 
> Excited for you!!! Ooh and I read an article that people who practice BDSM are actually emotionally healthier than people who don't. Also they are more open minded and self aware. Not sure how scientific the study was and if it was specific to dom or sub behavior but none the less, kink is good.


Yay! There are creeps on there, just like anywhere else, but I've also met a lot of great guys. 

I've read a similar article--or perhaps the same one? And it seems backed up by anecdotal evidence. When practicing kink, you HAVE to be in tune with your partner's needs and boundaries, specifically because of the physical, emotional, and psychological risk involved. The need for trust, honesty, and transparency between partners is tantamount. It also takes a lot of self-awareness and compassion to understand and accept yourself when what you need/desire isn't mainstream.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## GuyInColorado

BDSM or kinky sex...there must be deeper issues involved when it becomes a lifestyle. It just isn't 'normal'. Childhood trauma comes to mind.

I dunno.. maybe some people enjoy it and don't have issues.


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## TooNice

GuyInColorado said:


> BDSM or kinky sex...there must be deeper issues involved when it becomes a lifestyle. It just isn't 'normal'. Childhood trauma comes to mind.




Actually, while it's not my scene, the trust aspects mentioned make a great deal of sense. I think "normalcy" is a very subjective thing.


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## SecondTime'Round

TooNice said:


> Actually, while it's not my scene, the trust aspects mentioned make a great deal of sense. I think "normalcy" is a very subjective thing.


I agree. And I'd add most of them probably have pretty high self confidence.


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## FeministInPink

GuyInColorado said:


> BDSM or kinky sex...there must be deeper issues involved when it becomes a lifestyle. It just isn't 'normal'. Childhood trauma comes to mind.
> 
> I dunno.. maybe some people enjoy it and don't have issues.


You're being really judgemental, and your comment is pretty intolerant and offensive. Who are YOU to say what's normal? 

The kinky people I've met so far are some of the emotionally healthiest people I've seen. Passive-aggressiveness and manipulation isn't tolerated in the community. ABUSE isn't tolerated in the community. Disrespect isn't tolerated in the community (unless the recipient's kink is being humiliated, in which case it is desired and consensual). Honesty, mutual respect, and openness are key components of this lifestyle. Respect for boundaries and awareness/fulfillment of your partners needs are as well.

But I have been in vanilla relationships rife with abusive narcisists, people who are passive-aggressive, manipulative, and crazy dysfunctional. I have witnessed this in SO MANY vanilla relationships/friendships outside my own personal experience as well. It that's normal, _I don't want to be normal._

You don't know what the fvck you're talking about. So stop talking.


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## foolscotton3

I would think open-mindedness and self awareness would be a precursor to BDSM; however fwiw I know far more emotionally unstable people that are either into BDSM or humiliation than stable ones.

When reading studies like that you should probably assume that they are taking in the opinions of the most proud advocates, and not so much the closet participants.

I don't think it is either good or bad. I am sure many aspects of it are wonderful, namely expression, but I also know that some aspects are devastating, like the weight of public perception.


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## Miss Independent

There's no way to know for a fact whether there are more "unstable" --whatever is your definition-- "normal" (I f hate that word) people than BDSM and vice versa. 

That being said, I find it highly rude for someone to criticize fwiw's lifestyle. Do your thing and let her live her life. 


Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.


----------



## *Deidre*

I think that there is a common misconception over what BDSM actually involves, many people who don't understand it, think it's about straight up abuse, and it's not. I imagine participants of the lifestyle could get carried away, but that doesn't happen because of BDSM or a 'kink' lifestyle, it happens because the person is a jerk to begin with, and most likely is abusive outside of the bedroom, too. Personally I like 'literotica', and while BDSM isn't my thing, it can be a really healthy addition into a couple's sex life, so long as both people are consenting and mutually enjoy it.


----------



## foolscotton3

FIP, how do BDSM clubs view elicit drug use? You mentioned real estate being a marijuana smoker, but I hardly consider that elicit. I am more curious how they view methylenedioxymethamphetamine and lysergic acid diethylamide use.


----------



## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> FIP, how do BDSM clubs view elicit drug use? You mentioned real estate being a marijuana smoker, but I hardly consider that elicit. I am more curious how they view methylenedioxymethamphetamine and lysergic acid diethylamide use.


Good question. The community is pretty 420-friendly, but any type of drug use is strongly discouraged whenever engaging in a scene/playing, because one needs to be fully in possession of their faculties to be able to consent and to know when to stop themselves (or ask their partner to stop) before actual harm is done. You might have one or two drinks to loosen up, but many people will refuse to play with someone who shows any sign of being intoxicated.

For many people in the community, playing or scene-ing in and of itself acts as a drug and changes brain chemistry--which is why a lot of people do it. They actually enter a euphoric state while playing. Taking drugs would fvck up that whole experience. So you don't play/scene if you're drunk or high. Basic rule. This is especially true for the dominant/sadist partner, because he (it's usually a he) needs to know when to stop; his partner may enter a euphoric state at a certain point during the scene, and he needs to be in full control of his senses and fully aware of his partners limits, because at that point she may be in an altered state of consciousness and unable to safe word.


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## FeministInPink

Thanks for the support, @spinsterdurga and @*Deidre*. You guys are awesome.


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## Miss Independent

I'm going back home ( US) in less than a month!!!!I'm so anxious. I don't want to see my horrible ex boyfriend but I know he's going to try to see me to get his stuff . I wish I didn't have to go back. 


Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.


----------



## FeministInPink

spinsterdurga said:


> I'm going back home ( US) in less than a month!!!!I'm so anxious. I don't want to see my horrible ex boyfriend but I know he's going to try to see me to get his stuff . I wish I didn't have to go back.
> 
> 
> Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.


It'll be OK. Can you box up his stuff and give it to someone else, so you don't have to deal with him?


----------



## Miss Independent

FeministInPink said:


> It'll be OK. Can you box up his stuff and give it to someone else, so you don't have to deal with him?




We don't have any mutual friends. He told everyone on his side that I was bad, probably cheating on him and hated his daughter. I don't want to talk to his friends, parents or brother. 

He told me to give back all his stuff including the wireless mouse he gave me, so I want to make sure that he gets it. I guess I just have to put my big girl pants on. The mouse is bit expensive so I'm worried someone might lose it or he can lie that he didn't get it just to drive me crazy.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> Good question. The community is pretty 420-friendly, but any type of drug use is strongly discouraged whenever engaging in a scene/playing, because one needs to be fully in possession of their faculties to be able to consent and to know when to stop themselves (or ask their partner to stop) before actual harm is done. You might have one or two drinks to loosen up, but many people will refuse to play with someone who shows any sign of being intoxicated.
> 
> For many people in the community, playing or scene-ing in and of itself acts as a drug and changes brain chemistry--which is why a lot of people do it. They actually enter a euphoric state while playing. Taking drugs would fvck up that whole experience. So you don't play/scene if you're drunk or high. Basic rule. This is especially true for the dominant/sadist partner, because he (it's usually a he) needs to know when to stop; his partner may enter a euphoric state at a certain point during the scene, and he needs to be in full control of his senses and fully aware of his partners limits, because at that point she may be in an altered state of consciousness and unable to safe word.


I know for sure I wouldn't be able to participate unless I was totally drunk! I'd love to see brain scans of people who like/need this and people who don't, to compare them. Not saying anything is wrong with either person, but it would be interesting to see if there's a difference. 

I had a long PM convo with someone on (on another board) who was involved in a dominant/submissive/BDSM marriage (and she was second generation at it). I was just very curious and she was really open and sweet about explaining things to me. I learned a lot, especially about the whole trust aspect. I really get that. I could never do it because I could never trust anyone that much emotionally, but I get it. 

What I don't get is why it's a sexual turn-on, but that's what I mean about brain scans....I think people are genuinely just wired differently to enjoy different things.


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## SecondTime'Round

spinsterdurga said:


> We don't have any mutual friends. He told everyone on his side that I was bad, probably cheating on him and hated his daughter. I don't want to talk to his friends, parents or brother.
> 
> He told me to give back all his stuff including the wireless mouse he gave me, so I want to make sure that he gets it. I guess I just have to put my big girl pants on. The mouse is bit expensive so I'm worried someone might lose it or he can lie that he didn't get it just to drive me crazy.


Is it a gaming mouse?? They aren't usually that expensive.....??


----------



## Miss Independent

SecondTime'Round said:


> Is it a gaming mouse?? They aren't usually that expensive.....??




It's a wireless computer mouse. I wouldn't be surprised if he lied about it being expensive. 

I've never bought a wireless mouse. I have a Mac, so I don't really need a mouse. 
I've actually never used it.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

spinsterdurga said:


> It's a wireless computer mouse. I wouldn't be surprised if he lied about it being expensive.
> 
> I've never bought a wireless mouse. I have a Mac, so I don't really need a mouse.
> I've actually never used it.


We only use wireless "mice" in our house. They are not expensive. I've bought a few in the last couple of years. I would remember if they broke the bank!


----------



## Miss Independent

SecondTime'Round said:


> We only use wireless "mice" in our house. They are not expensive. I've bought a few in the last couple of years. I would remember if they broke the bank!




Thank you! I'm reminded every day he will never change and will always find ways to try to manipulate me.


----------



## foolscotton3

SecondTime'Round said:


> I know for sure I wouldn't be able to participate unless I was totally drunk! I'd love to see brain scans of people who like/need this and people who don't, to compare them. Not saying anything is wrong with either person, but it would be interesting to see if there's a difference.
> 
> I had a long PM convo with someone on (on another board) who was involved in a dominant/submissive/BDSM marriage (and she was second generation at it). I was just very curious and she was really open and sweet about explaining things to me. I learned a lot, especially about the whole trust aspect. I really get that. I could never do it because I could never trust anyone that much emotionally, but I get it.
> 
> What I don't get is why it's a sexual turn-on, but that's what I mean about brain scans....I think people are genuinely just wired differently to enjoy different things.


I bought one of these off of Amazon.








Theory is: there is a very fine line between pleasure and pain. Pleasure increases the closer you get to the brink of pain.


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## SecondTime'Round

foolscotton3 said:


> I bought one of these off of Amazon.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Theory is: there is a very fine line between pleasure and pain. Pleasure increases the closer you get to the brink of pain.


Please explain what that is used for!


----------



## foolscotton3

I just roll it on her back and butt. It usually doesn't draw any blood, but sometimes leaves traces behind.


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## *Deidre*

Since I've been binge watching the entire series of _Game of Thrones_, that 'tool' looks like something they'd have used. lol


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## Red Sonja

I would like to say that reputable/organized BDSM clubs are MUCH safer/cleaner than any regular club or bar.

People respect your boundaries in a BDSM club, something that frequently does not happen in your usual public place.


----------



## FeministInPink

Red Sonja said:


> I would like to say that reputable/organized BDSM clubs are MUCH safer/cleaner than any regular club or bar.
> 
> People respect your boundaries in a BDSM club, something that frequently does not happen in your usual public place.


Bingo. That was exactly my experience.

So Real Estate isn't going to work out, not as a relationship partner, anyway. He had some similar concerns about compatibility as I had... and some of his "necessary for a partner" kinks might be a little too far out there beyond my limits. But we still have a lot in common kink-wise, and we get along like gangbusters, so we've agreed on a true FWB arrangement, which will be beneficial for me. He's been in the scene for 20+ years, and I am new and have a lot to learn, and I need someone to teach me and give me the chance to discover more about myself.

I've already learned a lot with him in the last week. He might not be that LTR that I'm looking for, but this will be a fruitful engagement nonetheless.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

So happy for you FIP

I love game of thrones!!!

Celebrating the bf birthday....

Love bombing fool texted me 13 times!!!!!!!!! Did not reply. 13 texts in one day!!! Just about bs how is is tutoring a kid who is taking the Asvab and wanted my input. No thanks! Not responding
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WhyMe66

FeministInPink said:


> Things that helped me:
> 
> 1. I came up with lists of activities that I had wanted to do, but never did because my former spouse poo-pooed them. And I started doing them, kind of like checking them off my list. (I started going to open air markets on Saturday mornings, and museums on Sundays... and just really enjoyed living my life *the way I wanted to live my life.*)
> 
> 2. I thought about hobbies I used to have and activities that I enjoyed, which brought me joy but which I gave up for some reason or another. (The reason usually being that my XH thought they were stupid or took too much time away from him.) I started doing them again. (I started doing karaoke again, and last summer I did a show with a community theater. I'm planning on taking dance lessons, and I'm considering taking piano lessons again.)
> 
> 3. I thought about things that I wanted to try, but had been too scared to. I said fvck it, and started giving it a whirl. (I went to Disney World with a friend after my XH moved out. I went on all the scariest rides and coasters, even though I was terrified. And they turned out to be AWESOME.)
> 
> 4. I decided to try things that I never would have done before, that I thought I would be really bad at. (I joined an adult softball league. I completely sucked. But I also had a really great time and met some cool people.)
> 
> 5. I joined a whole bunch of meetup groups, and make sure that I had at least one activity per week. That did several things: a) it kept me busy with something other than work; b) it gave me opportunities to meet new people; c) it perked me up and helped me to not feel sorry for myself. It's impossible to mope around when you're doing fun things.
> 
> The point of moving on isn't to find someone else who will be your new partner. If you rush into a new relationship, it's really just a way of avoiding doing the hard work of rebuilding. When that new relationship fails, you realize that you aren't really healed... all you did was put a band-aid on a bullet wound. The point of moving on is to find YOU and to figure out who you are, now that "wife to XH" is no longer part of your identity. You have to figure out who you are AD--After Divorce--and figure out what kind of life you want, and how you will make that happen.
> 
> It's a long process. It doesn't happen overnight. I'm still working on it, and I've been on my own for over three years now.


Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> So happy for you FIP
> 
> I love game of thrones!!!
> 
> Celebrating the bf birthday....
> 
> Love bombing fool texted me 13 times!!!!!!!!! Did not reply. 13 texts in one day!!! Just about bs how is is tutoring a kid who is taking the Asvab and wanted my input. No thanks! Not responding
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good job, keep up the no contact.

(And thanks!)

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

WhyMe66 said:


> Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!!!


I'm glad this is useful to you. I wish you the best of luck 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Well guys, miss pony reckons I'm over-reacting and shocked that I'm calling a break, she hit two dealbreakers, I made it very clear. She said that she didn't mean to avoid me but needed her space and that she didn't want to pressure me in regards to my daughter just wanted to express how she felt about being without me on Easter. She said that she has her doubts but isn't giving up on us and that she would never call a break over something like that, had her hand on me too... she's good, I'll give you that. I couldn't make a decision, she fuzzled my brain, but whatever, I excused myself with my tight schedule for the day and she left me very long msgs on txt, nothing abusive, just... meh I dunno

At the same time since the silent treatment and staring at the phone began I have ended up with 11 matches on Tinder already, despite using a very crappy photo of me. Also got the "eyes" from two beautiful women today in the city, so... FK!

I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!


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## hope4family

@RandomDude

You don't owe her anything my friend. Keep dating if you enjoy her company, but also feel free to date other people. Sometimes a push pull is OK. Sometimes, it's unacceptable. She pushed, you pushed back, now she is attempting to pull you back in. So while she didn't really apologize (or maybe she did), will she treat you this way in the future. If she says she won't treat you that way in the future, then you have an opportunity for a relationship unless or until she burns you again. 

If you ever argue, expect her to handle you this way.


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## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, miss pony reckons I'm over-reacting and shocked that I'm calling a break, she hit two dealbreakers, I made it very clear. She said that she didn't mean to avoid me but needed her space and that she didn't want to pressure me in regards to my daughter just wanted to express how she felt about being without me on Easter. She said that she has her doubts but isn't giving up on us and that she would never call a break over something like that, had her hand on me too... she's good, I'll give you that. I couldn't make a decision, she fuzzled my brain, but whatever, I excused myself with my tight schedule for the day and she left me very long msgs on txt, nothing abusive, just... meh I dunno
> 
> At the same time since the silent treatment and staring at the phone began I have ended up with 11 matches on Tinder already, despite using a very crappy photo of me. Also got the "eyes" from two beautiful women today in the city, so... FK!
> 
> I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!


So which was it, she really wanted to be with you on Easter, or she needed space?


----------



## RandomDude

After expressing her disappointment with me in regards to Easter she wanted her space. Part of me wants to believe her, that I have been too harsh on her. But I don't know. It's not everyday a woman fights to keep me like this. I don't know... right now, I may give in.... wait, no... I can't... I DONT KNOW!!!

Silent treatments are something I just can't tolerate anymore, it drives me nuts, she could throw stuff at me and I would prefer that over silent treatment. In fact I grew a nasty habit of taunting and infuriating my ex-wife to the point she would physically attack me just so I wouldn't have to deal with the silent treatment, which led to serious damage to our dynamics. Yes, she may have been jealous and suspicious of my ex and daughter, but I don't know, she was - in the end - being honest with her feelings. Yet I don't want to feel pressured to introduce her to my family life when neither my daughter or her are ready for it. 

*sigh*

Still I shouldn't have downloaded the app, I think that's cheating isn't it?


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## foolscotton3

It's not cheating until you two have that discussion of exclusivity, and I don't mean, "I'm not interested in meeting other people..." It needs to be, "we are not going to be meeting other people."


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## hope4family

I recently had this conversation with the lady who is "no 1" in the running. She says she isn't seeing anyone, I am free to. 


In all fairness, she is being very mature about it, which is a good, stable, attractive way of looking at it. It feels strange to talk to other women in the meantime all at the same time. I want to clarify, that I am not doing anything wrong. 

Now the moment she expresses a desire for change. I would access the situation and henceforth stop or tell her it's not what I want yet.


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## MRR

RandomDude said:


> After expressing her disappointment with me in regards to Easter she wanted her space. Part of me wants to believe her, that I have been too harsh on her. But I don't know. It's not everyday a woman fights to keep me like this. I don't know... right now, I may give in.... wait, no... I can't... I DONT KNOW!!!
> 
> Silent treatments are something I just can't tolerate anymore, it drives me nuts, she could throw stuff at me and I would prefer that over silent treatment. In fact I grew a nasty habit of taunting and infuriating my ex-wife to the point she would physically attack me just so I wouldn't have to deal with the silent treatment, which led to serious damage to our dynamics. Yes, she may have been jealous and suspicious of my ex and daughter, but I don't know, she was - in the end - being honest with her feelings. Yet I don't want to feel pressured to introduce her to my family life when neither my daughter or her are ready for it.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> Still I shouldn't have downloaded the app, I think that's cheating isn't it?


so you really consider yourself exclusive. like...she is your girlfriend. I never really understood how you got to that point. 

so you are basically in a sexless relationship. I reference this b/c it is labeled as such in so many marriages. Not only that, but you are being jerked around a bit for sure. 

so just to clarify, miss pony is your exclusive gf?


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## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Still I shouldn't have downloaded the app, I think that's cheating isn't it?




It's not cheating since she acted as if you two were done. You need to tell her as soon as you decide to give her another chance otherwise she's going to use it against you. 


You can give her another chance, but you should have a serious conversation with her. She's manipulative. It's obvious that you like her, and she KNOWS, yet she's acting like she's not sure etc... 


Personally, if a man did what she did I would end it. I don't like people who try to manipulate things to get what they want regardless of the consequences. She's not ready for sex, but she's ready to meet your daughter? Something is wrong. 

Don't forget to look out for yourself. She's looking out for herself so you need to do the same.


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## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> You don't know what the fvck you're talking about. So stop talking.


Seems to me he admitted he didn't know what he was talking about with his "I dunno" comment. While I agree his comment was coming from a place of ignorance, tell him to stop talking seems to be just as intolerant. I thought you did a great job of stating your point of view, up until you basically told him to shut up. 

Opposing viewpoints and the ensuing discussion are a great way for everyone to learn.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Wow, just wow. A woman wants a relationship and wants to meet a child who might be her stepchild and now she has to have sex in order to have that privilege. And because she doesn't want to, but wants to be sure she will fit into this relationship, and assess what she's getting into before she commits her emotions and vulnerabilities, and maybe has some opportunity costs to that, she is being made out to be manipulative. Just wow. 

In my vast experience, as soon as you have sex with a guy, all the promises go out the window. It turns out you are just a conquest. 
I think Ms. Pony is being smart. She can certainly find someone who will value her cautious/prudent/realistic way of going about things. It really sounds like you aren't a good match.

Ms. Pony wants to thoroughly assess someone all around and to make sure she's really attracted, lock stock and barrel to the non-sexual package and how she's going to be treated, whether her feelings will truly be expected, and RD feels as though if she doesn't have sex before he can make that desion then it's a deal breaker.

This is a no-go RD, if you do convince her to have sex with you, then you will have broken her, and she won't want you any more. She will resent you and it will spoil her sexual experience with you, probably forever. If you can't respect where she is now,realize you are barking up the wrong tree, apologize for your misjudgement, and move on.


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## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> Well guys, miss pony reckons I'm over-reacting and shocked that I'm calling a break, she hit two dealbreakers, I made it very clear. She said that she didn't mean to avoid me but needed her space and that she didn't want to pressure me in regards to my daughter just wanted to express how she felt about being without me on Easter. She said that she has her doubts but isn't giving up on us and that she would never call a break over something like that, had her hand on me too... she's good, I'll give you that. I couldn't make a decision, she fuzzled my brain, but whatever, I excused myself with my tight schedule for the day and she left me very long msgs on txt, nothing abusive, just... meh I dunno
> 
> At the same time since the silent treatment and staring at the phone began I have ended up with 11 matches on Tinder already, despite using a very crappy photo of me. Also got the "eyes" from two beautiful women today in the city, so... FK!
> 
> I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!


Im going to re-post what I wrote a few days ago but I told you she would do it. 


You dont need Ms Pony. She is playing a game of cat and mouse. Not a good woman. 

You know what you do is YOU stop pursuing her. Stop calling her, texting her etc. You will see how fast she turns tail and pursues you. She is playing a game which you need to participate in. Stop playing the game. She wants to feel powerful. She runs, you pursue. She holds the cards just like the no sex routine. She wants to control everything.

Tell her you need someone more compatible, more sexual and walk away. The tune will change real quick if she really wants you.

Now my add on it:

She doesnt really want you. She likes how the game feels. Now you arent playing, she has no power. Ask her to put her money where her mouth is and have sex with you. My guess is you are going to get the blank stare. She wont do it because she never planned to. She is just playing with the mouse (you).


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I personally have decided I don't want to be with anyone who is so sexually oriented in a relationship that he will insist on having it in the first month or two of dating, before I've even met his kid. 

This is incompatibility, it is not her playing games. It is a difference of values. He saw something he was attracted to and wanted to bang, she wants to make sure he is on board with all of her needs. Which may include more than being sought after by a guy on the street who happened to see her and have a part of his anatomy acting like a divining rod towards water. 

Part of dating is to figure out values. A marriage lasts a long, long, long time. During this time, there are going to be periods where sex isn't possible between two people. It's important for some people to know that there's more basis than sex to a relationship.

Just walk away RD, don't play games. I can't believe if a woman holds her ground and sticks to her values/beliefs/judgement about how a relationship should proceed, it's called game-playing and manipulation. She never once said she was going to deliver the goods at any given time. How is that manipulation, just because he's attracted to her and wants sex and she doesn't yet, that makes her a manipulator, rather than knowing her own mind?

I think she would do well if RD walked away. A woman like that can know her own mind and also have the bar set wherever she wants it and have it met. She will succeed in finding someone who values her opinion and judgement of her own body and mind and soul as much as she does, which is the way it should be.

RD, find someone who will have sex with you right off the bat. I don't understand why you're making yourself miserable over this. You saw her on the street and got her number, you didn't know anything other than you were physically attracted to her. It was a pot shot. Not all such gambles pay off. You wanted her to be your ideal woman, but she is her own woman. You attributed things to her that are not in actuality existing.


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## Acoa

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I personally have decided I don't want to be with anyone who is so sexually oriented in a relationship that he will insist on having it in the first month or two of dating, before I've even met his kid.
> 
> This is incompatibility, it is not her playing games. It is a difference of values. He saw something he was attracted to and wanted to bang, she wants to make sure he is on board with all of her needs. Which may include more than being sought after by a guy on the street who happened to see her and have a part of his anatomy acting like a divining rod towards water.
> 
> Part of dating is to figure out values. A marriage lasts a long, long, long time. During this time, there are going to be periods where sex isn't possible between two people. It's important for some people to know that there's more basis than sex to a relationship.
> 
> Just walk away RD, don't play games. I can't believe if a woman holds her ground and sticks to her values/beliefs/judgement about how a relationship should proceed, it's called game-playing and manipulation. She never once said she was going to deliver the goods at any given time. How is that manipulation, just because he's attracted to her and wants sex and she doesn't yet, that makes her a manipulator, rather than knowing her own mind?
> 
> I think she would do well if RD walked away. A woman like that can know her own mind and also have the bar set wherever she wants it and have it met. She will succeed in finding someone who values her opinion and judgement of her own body and mind and soul as much as she does, which is the way it should be.
> 
> RD, find someone who will have sex with you right off the bat. I don't understand why you're making yourself miserable over this. You saw her on the street and got her number, you didn't know anything other than you were physically attracted to her. It was a pot shot. Not all such gambles pay off. You wanted her to be your ideal woman, but she is her own woman. You attributed things to her that are not in actuality existing.


She could be playing a game, or not. We can't really know what is going on in her head. But I agree with your advice to RD. Games or no games it's pretty clear that Ms.Pony and RD have very different values, at least as far as sex is concerned. That's a pretty big deal in a relationship.


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## Miss Independent

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Wow, just wow. A woman wants a relationship and wants to meet a child who might be her stepchild and now she has to have sex in order to have that privilege. And because she doesn't want to, but wants to be sure she will fit into this relationship, and assess what she's getting into before she commits her emotions and vulnerabilities, and maybe has some opportunity costs to that, she is being made out to be manipulative. Just wow.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .


 
Correct me if I'm wrong but I get the impression that you're replying to my post. 

I'm going to start by saying that I've never had intercourse. I've only had oral sex. I REFUSE to have sex with a man I've known for a few months. 

1st Ms Pony is manipulative. She gave him the silent treatment and acted like nothing happened. She was surprised that he wanted to break up. To me, she doesn't come across as someone who was thinking about ending the relationship because the guy isn't really committed. RD, correct me if I'm wrong since you know her. It's obvious, at least to me, that RD likes her, and you're telling me she doesn't know that? Any women who has a brain knows that a guy who isn't interested in you would walk if you disappear for almost 24 hrs. After all he's not into you and is a player. Again to me, she comes off as trying to manipulate him into letting her meet his daughter. 

2nd it's not a privilege to meet anybody's child whether it's your boss, sister or boyfriend. She certainly doesn't need to have sex to meet his daughter. That being said, meeting is daughter is a sign that their relationship is serious but how can it be serious when she says that she feels like he's a player--not committed to her?--- and doesn't trust him. Why should RD introduce a woman who doesn't trust him to his daughter? 

3rd What about RD's daughter? Is it good for her to meet the woman her father is only seeing? They don't appear to be heading towards a LTR. Her daughter can't get her to please Ms Pony. What if his daughter gets attached to her and they don't work out? 

She's manipulative because she gave him the silent treatment for spending Easter with his daughter instead of her. 

I'm wondering whether she wants to meet his daughter or just wants to keep a tab on him since she appears insecure when it comes to his ex wife. Again RD you can correct me if I'm wrong. 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In my vast experience, as soon as you have sex with a guy, all the promises go out the window. It turns out you are just a conquest.
> 
> I think Ms. Pony is being smart. She can certainly find someone who will value her cautious/prudent/realistic way of going about things. It really sounds like you aren't a good match.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .



I agree with you. But is she manipulative as well? I wonder whether their issue is communication. Maybe they both suck at having difficult conversations. I mean why couldn't she just tell him that she needed space. Why the cold shoulder? 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This is a no-go RD, if you do convince her to have sex with you, then you will have broken her, and she won't want you any more. She will resent you and it will spoil her sexual experience with you, probably forever. If you can't respect where she is now,realize you are barking up the wrong tree, apologize for your misjudgement, and move on.




I partially agree with you. However, RD has to think about his daughter and himself. He can't just think about what's in Ms Pony's interest. He's respecting her no sex policy. Why can't she respect that he's not ready to introduce her to his daughter?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

No it wasn't about your post at all. It was the general opinion and comments being made.
RD likes to totally test women, he has many hoops he wants them to jump through and has his limits and boundaries.
Ms. Pony has them too.
Each is entitled to them.
But, because they are both strong people and neither is going to give in, then they are incompatible.
It seems she did say she wanted space. There is no point in talking when nobody is listening. 
He spent Easter with his daughter, that's cool. She is also entitled to a day to herself if she needs it.
If she had a daughter then she could use her daughter to gain space...
Everyone has insecurities, what matters is if they can be allayed in a relationship.
If not, then it's not a good relationship for those particular insecurities. People can manage their behavior that's triggered by insecurities, but only time can erase them entirely, and part of that is trust, knowing that the other person is aware of your insecurities and will be careful to address them, not make you feel weak because of them. There is no point in partnering up with someone who isn't on board with all of you...
I do think that RD idealized her, and his expectations aren't being met. Realistically, seeing a woman on the street, and then pursuing her and expecting things to work out is highly unlikely. He has got to know the real person, not just that pony tail. Even earlier on, he didn't like it when she came on a date without the pony tail. That alone should have been a head's up...how this would end.

This happens to me all the time in dating. A guy will be attracted to me. But when I need to do normal things like eat/sleep/work/spend time with kids/catch up with friends/read/go to the movies and don't enjoy what the guy is doing 100%, or even dare to speak up for myself about bad (even illegal) driving practices, then I am manipulative and somehow tricked them. It's ridiculous. All because I messed up their fantasy by being myself. I had one guy cover my mouth during sex because I tried to stop him from having a f*cked up fantasy about me that was highly racial and offended one of my past lovers/best friends who he didn't know about. It's funny now, but that's the mentality. If a guy pursues a woman based on sexual attraction, it's nobody's fault but his own that he comes up empty when she turns out to be a real person who wants what she wants. Learn to ask the questions up front, and to understand that what answers come out of a woman's mouth are in no way manipulative, they are her truth and she is entitled to them.

I agree about kids. He shouldn't even be showing videos to Ms. Pony. I'm not sure why that's being done. It's a bit creepy, a child isn't chattel, she should have a choice about whether her videos taken in the sanctity of her own home with her dad are going to be shown to a stranger. Now there will be the risk of Ms. Pony saying something later on to RD's daughter that shows she knows a lot more about her than the daughter has chosen to show/tell. That's just unnerving, and is a great way to unseat a young child.


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## Miss Independent

If I remember correctly, she said she wanted space AFTER giving him the silent treatment. I agree she's entitled to spend a day alone;however, she should have communicated her thoughts and wants instead of giving him the cold shoulder. 

An innocent child shouldn't get hurt to alleviate her insecurities. RD was being understanding...why couldn't she do the same? She gave him the cold shoulder because she felt neglected that he didn't spend Easter weekend with her and seemed to be hinting that she wants to spend the weekend with him and his daughter. 

I know couples who have met on the street and are still together. I think they don't know how to communicate. 

I hope you immediately stopped having sex with that jerk. I went to an all girls school and grew up around a lot of women. Ms Pony was using the silent treatment to manipulate him otherwise she wouldn't have pretended nothing was wrong. 

I disagree about the videos being creepy. He's compromising by showing her those videos. 

You're kind of contradicting yourself. She's a stranger so it's not okay to show her home videos but it's fine to introduce her to his daughter?


Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.


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## foolscotton3

So.... FIP and I have our own little FWB situations going on, and she has already spoken for herself.

I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am thoroughly content with my FWB. No drama, very little expectations, and the sex is exciting, even looking forward to sex is exciting!


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## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> After expressing her disappointment with me in regards to Easter she wanted her space. Part of me wants to believe her, that I have been too harsh on her. But I don't know. It's not everyday a woman fights to keep me like this. I don't know... right now, I may give in.... wait, no... I can't... I DONT KNOW!!!


Rule #1-if it's not a fvck yes, it's a no!

So... Is this girl a fvck yes? I'm thinking not since you are being so indecisive.

At first I did not think she was a manipulative person but your last few posts make me think otherwise. Not only that but she will be controlling as well. Silent treatment is a passive aggressive trait that is used to control someone. 

Date other people even if you continue to hang out with her. Let her know about it too.

She is def playing games with you.


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## vi_bride04

foolscotton3 said:


> So.... FIP and I have our own little FWB situations going on, and she has already spoken for herself.
> 
> I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am thoroughly content with my FWB. No drama, very little expectations, and the sex is exciting, even looking forward to sex is exciting!


Just wait for the feels.... Someone gets them eventually


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## RandomDude

I can't disagree with any of you, even though the opinions are opposing, all make sense and I don't know what to do about it. I can't make a decision.


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## FeministInPink

RD ... Fvck yes, or no?

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## Hopeful Cynic

How can he make the "**** yes or no" decision until they've determined sexual compatibility? All he's got right now is a "so far."

It's okay that she wants to build a certain amount of trust in RD before she'll open up sexually. It's okay that he wants to build a certain amount of trust in her before he'll introduce her to his child.

This brings them to an impasse. She's thinking "I'm not going to have sex with him until I know everything else is okay in the longer term. So I need to know him longer, and have met his kid and get along with her first." He's thinking "I'm not going to introduce her to my kid until I know there's long term potential, including sexual compatibility."

However, if they can't talk about this apparent impasse as to which should happen first and who needs to trust first, then not only are they potentially sexually incompatible, they are also having communication problems.

If she hasn't reached the trust level for sex yet because she is still seeing what she believes are red flags for him being a player, he's got to ask what those red flags are and how he can do anything about them.

On the other hand, they aren't exactly in a sexually exclusive relationship, because they aren't having sex. So he could also say he's very interested in her, but as long as she keeps restricting him to friendship because she is still building trust, maybe they should step back to being just friends.

Haha, I just realized I'm asking RD to 'friendzone' her.


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## RandomDude

Yeah... think friends is hands down the best option at this point. Going to talk to her about the impasse and how friends is the best option.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> How can he make the "**** yes or no" decision until they've determined sexual compatibility? All he's got right now is a "so far."
> 
> It's okay that she wants to build a certain amount of trust in RD before she'll open up sexually. It's okay that he wants to build a certain amount of trust in her before he'll introduce her to his child.
> 
> This brings them to an impasse. She's thinking "I'm not going to have sex with him until I know everything else is okay in the longer term. So I need to know him longer, and have met his kid and get along with her first." He's thinking "I'm not going to introduce her to my kid until I know there's long term potential, including sexual compatibility."
> 
> However, if they can't talk about this apparent impasse as to which should happen first and who needs to trust first, then not only are they potentially sexually incompatible, they are also having communication problems.
> 
> If she hasn't reached the trust level for sex yet because she is still seeing what she believes are red flags for him being a player, he's got to ask what those red flags are and how he can do anything about them.
> 
> On the other hand, they aren't exactly in a sexually exclusive relationship, because they aren't having sex. So he could also say he's very interested in her, but as long as she keeps restricting him to friendship because she is still building trust, maybe they should step back to being just friends.
> 
> Haha, I just realized I'm asking RD to 'friendzone' her.


Fvck yes or no can be applied now, as in "Fvck yes, this woman is amazing and compatible in so many ways, so I'm willing to wait longer for sex."

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It is honestly difficult to keep track of who does what when, and whether it is somehow justifiable relatively speaking with regard to being a reaction or being some kind of higher principle that adheres to some kind of set of rules that has been determined for people wanting to judge each other, based on standards that serve their own interests, which are usually minimizing risk/emotional involvement while maximizing sex.
Everyone is tied up in taking their stand, and it all revolves around sex.
I feel as though I'm on some kind of sex board instead of a post-divorce board for people who want marriages.
It doesn't sound like anyone here actually wants a marriage. 
I'm going to say goodbye and find a forum where things make more sense to me.
I've had a very open mind with regard to trying out some of the practices advocated here, in particular in regard to showing an interest in sex, being open-minded, etc. and it has led to nothing good in terms of emotional and physical health, at least for me.
As the old saying goes, keep doing what you're doing, you will get the same results.
I want to change, I can't change if all I'm exposed to is just more of the same that already got me to where I am, which is not the same place as where I'm going.
People come to forums for one of two reasons: 1. to be honest and to have people tell them truths they might not get in their day to day life 2. to get reinforcement for what they're doing, because the people in their day to day lives cannot and will not put their stamp of approval on what they're doing. I guess there is a third reason, which might have to do with addiction, venting, closet narcissism, to cause problems for others, etc. but that's not really relevant. It has crossed my mind that some participants here might not even be real, in that they might just be troublemakers who are leading others astray by giving bad advice for the fun of it, to see what happens.


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## vi_bride04

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Everyone is tied up in taking their stand, and it all revolves around sex.
> I feel as though I'm on some kind of sex board instead of a post-divorce board for people who want marriages.
> It doesn't sound like anyone here actually wants a marriage.
> I'm going to say goodbye and find a forum where things make more sense to me.


Well, I know I don't want marriage again, I can't speak for others but yeah, marriage isn't something I'm willing to do again.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

vi_bride04 said:


> Well, I know I don't want marriage again, I can't speak for others but yeah, marriage isn't something I'm willing to do again.


I wonder if a thread could be started for people who are dating with a view towards marriage. I think it really makes a difference, how people behave in dating, and how they think, given that there are vastly different goals.


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## MRR

RD is doing absolutely the right thing in one regard-- his child. My daughter especially gets attached to other women which is why I prefer to date women with children. Typically it is understood on both sides that meeting the children is a privilege that is earned and it isn't really even talked about for quite awhile. 

In other news, a younger girl here at work who has gone out of her way to say hi and face me directly and smile when we see each other -- usually in a break area where people are grabbing food out of the fridge, using microwaves, or getting coffee-- well, her and some of her team (not associated with mine at all) were going to a meeting and she gave me her gorgeous smile and waved. I barely know her, but I know she has a bf and a 7 year old son (not w/ the bf) and she is about 30 and I am 44 and she likely thinks I am 34. Anyway, I am at work so I cant say too much. just a little rant about that...

Honestly, if she did not have a bf I would definitely think she were wanting me to ask her out. Again, at work, I keep reminding myself.


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## bkyln309

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It is honestly difficult to keep track of who does what when, and whether it is somehow justifiable relatively speaking with regard to being a reaction or being some kind of higher principle that adheres to some kind of set of rules that has been determined for people wanting to judge each other, based on standards that serve their own interests, which are usually minimizing risk/emotional involvement while maximizing sex.
> Everyone is tied up in taking their stand, and it all revolves around sex.
> I feel as though I'm on some kind of sex board instead of a post-divorce board for people who want marriages.
> It doesn't sound like anyone here actually wants a marriage.
> I'm going to say goodbye and find a forum where things make more sense to me.
> I've had a very open mind with regard to trying out some of the practices advocated here, in particular in regard to showing an interest in sex, being open-minded, etc. and it has led to nothing good in terms of emotional and physical health, at least for me.
> As the old saying goes, keep doing what you're doing, you will get the same results.
> I want to change, I can't change if all I'm exposed to is just more of the same that already got me to where I am, which is not the same place as where I'm going.
> People come to forums for one of two reasons: 1. to be honest and to have people tell them truths they might not get in their day to day life 2. to get reinforcement for what they're doing, because the people in their day to day lives cannot and will not put their stamp of approval on what they're doing. I guess there is a third reason, which might have to do with addiction, venting, closet narcissism, to cause problems for others, etc. but that's not really relevant. It has crossed my mind that some participants here might not even be real, in that they might just be troublemakers who are leading others astray by giving bad advice for the fun of it, to see what happens.


I want marriage again. I refuse to end up in a sexless marriage again. Sexual compatibility is important. I did the whole wait until marriage thing. Wrong decision. 

But it sounds you are projecting your hang ups/convictions on this board. Not good. You sound very judgemental honestly. Just because you want to remain chaste doesnt make you better. Everyone thinks differently. 

this is a board of free thinkers meaning everyone has the right to their own path. Maybe a board like Marriage Busters would be good for you.


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## Acoa

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It is honestly difficult to keep track of who does what when, and whether it is somehow justifiable relatively speaking with regard to being a reaction or being some kind of higher principle that adheres to some kind of set of rules that has been determined for people wanting to judge each other, based on standards that serve their own interests, which are usually minimizing risk/emotional involvement while maximizing sex.
> Everyone is tied up in taking their stand, and it all revolves around sex.
> I feel as though I'm on some kind of sex board instead of a post-divorce board for people who want marriages.
> It doesn't sound like anyone here actually wants a marriage.
> I'm going to say goodbye and find a forum where things make more sense to me.
> I've had a very open mind with regard to trying out some of the practices advocated here, in particular in regard to showing an interest in sex, being open-minded, etc. and it has led to nothing good in terms of emotional and physical health, at least for me.
> As the old saying goes, keep doing what you're doing, you will get the same results.
> I want to change, I can't change if all I'm exposed to is just more of the same that already got me to where I am, which is not the same place as where I'm going.
> People come to forums for one of two reasons: 1. to be honest and to have people tell them truths they might not get in their day to day life 2. to get reinforcement for what they're doing, because the people in their day to day lives cannot and will not put their stamp of approval on what they're doing. I guess there is a third reason, which might have to do with addiction, venting, closet narcissism, to cause problems for others, etc. but that's not really relevant. It has crossed my mind that some participants here might not even be real, in that they might just be troublemakers who are leading others astray by giving bad advice for the fun of it, to see what happens.


Post divorce single life is a struggle. We all react differently to the pain and loss of our relationships. Some people emotionally processed there divorce long before it was even final. Some have just started to grieve. 

Some folks crave that relationship they were missing, some for healthy reasons, some for not so healthy reasons. 

Some folks are very cautious about new relationships and don't really desire to get married gain. 

But we are sexual beings, and some folks have higher drives than others. And sex is one of those things that can really complicate a relationship. Bad sex can ruin a good friendship. Good sex can make us want to hang on to a bad one. So, sex is a hot topic and is bound to be discussed. 

I agree with your observation that this thread isn't about finding a husband/wife. It's about being single again. Some want to stay that way, some want a relationship again, but are not ready yet. Some, like you are looking for that committed relationship. We can all learn from each other. We just have to be willing to state our positions without attacking others. You say "Everyone is tied up in taking their stand", I don't feel like that. Everyone is welcome to state their opinion. You don't have to agree with it, or think it's good advice. 

If you want to get the topic off of sex. Then bring up a new topic. If there is enough interest it will get a discussion going. How about money?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bkyln309 said:


> I want marriage again. I refuse to end up in a sexless marriage again. Sexual compatibility is important. I did the whole wait until marriage thing. Wrong decision.
> 
> But it sounds you are projecting your hang ups/convictions on this board. Not good. You sound very judgemental honestly. Just because you want to remain chaste doesnt make you better. Everyone thinks differently.
> 
> this is a board of free thinkers meaning everyone has the right to their own path. Maybe a board like Marriage Busters would be good for you.


I haven't been chaste at all. That's the point. Trusting in the argument that sex needs to happen sooner than later has meant being used and wasting a lot of time. I don't think it's healthy and this isn't some kind of hang-up. It's based on experience having actual sex with actual dates. In fact, I've had sex with 5 different guys who wanted to date me seriously over the past 5 or 6 months. In each case it turned out that they were not who the said they were, once I had sex with them and trusted them with myself entirely (as it's advocated a person should do, i.e. not be judgmental, to be open, to take people at face value) it turned out to be very strange. One man was obsessed with an old girlfriend, he had weird things regarding looking at vaginas and wanted me to wear red nail polish because it reminded him of this woman, he also had some odd habits with regards to money, sleep, and so forth. His job situation was certainly not as he portrayed it to be, and he had a bizarre relationship with alcohol in general. He also said something like, oh, right, marriage, if we're still together in 10 years, I'll marry you. Now, he started out normal, a member of a sports and recreation club that had strict non-cohabitation rules, went hiking with me, took me out to dinner and a movie, drove safely, etc. But about 4 weeks in, complete disintegration. The next guy was a manager of programmers at an investment company. Brilliant, formerly studied history and religion, had a long marriage, was seemingly kind to his daughter and cats, financially responsible, reasonably well off, liked the same outdoor activities as I did, spoke French fluently, also a member of a sports club, etc. But after having sex and being assured of a committed relationship, the bizarre stuff started. He was constantly late or changing plans, he developed a case of delusional fleas, etc. He didn't like that I enjoyed sex, he started depriving me of any kind of enjoyment that could be derived from a relationship, sex, being on time, looking forward to a date (it was usually cancelled) and then the delusional fleas...just weird. Next guy I met on eHarmony, he professed to be Catholic but was obsessed with a homosexual encounter he'd had in college (30 years ago!). He was a former high school classmate of mine. It turns out he had constructed a 'new life' for himself that had no substance behind it. He'd just started playing golf again after a 30 year break, just started going to church again, just got in touch recently with all the 'friends' he was introducing me to, had just (not) started going to the gym again, etc. I would not be surprised if he had videotaped me in bed, not that there was anything to be taped, it was pretty lame. I think he was homosexual but wanted to lure in a wife to assuage whatever guilt he was having. He kept washing his hands to the point where they were totally chapped (and was not a germophobe). I didn't hang around long enough to figure it out. This is the guy I had to have the police in my town warn off. They could have arrested him but he would have got out on bail and that would have been too dangerous for me. Latest guy, also a hypocrite. Turned out he went to confession and went to mass then took me home, screwed my brains out and started going on about fantasies with me and 7 black men, etc. I was :-o Did not even see it coming. I'd dated him a couple years ago and not escalated to being physical but was impressed that he had such good boundaries and did not press anything or say anything to convince me one way or another. It wasn't because of anything other than I wasn't quite over my boyfriend who had the stroke, that I didn't continue to date him then. 

So, I'm not sure how I come off as being judgmental. Other than saying that I dated people who lied in order to get me into bed and have fun with my body and screw over my mind and emotions.

I am a good person with good intents in meeting people who are potential partners. Some don't meet my standards. I'm not going to apologize for that. There is no rule that says I need to have sex with a potential partner. I've tried that approach and I'm saying it doesn't work. How many men am I supposed to sleep with before I find someone who is marriage-worthy? 50? 100? At what point do I get to decide that I want to preserve something of value to me (my sanity and emotional health as well as reputation to offer to a spouse) while I still feel I have anything of value to preserve?

Since my goal is marriage, it's important to me not to find someone who is having a f*ck buddy or FWB right up until the point that he decides he is going to have his needs met in one place (which was the case with the last guy, except that he immediately wanted to have group sex and so forth right after I bought his lies about being a Christian and wanting to pursue a relationship that would lead to marriage). 

I am certainly open minded, but honestly, I would prefer to be with someone who has some will power and isn't going to be focused on putting his anatomy in my pooper.


----------



## Miss Independent

@homemaker_Numero... I'm confused. Did anyone attack you for waiting to have sex? 


Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.


----------



## MRR

That was amazing HN.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

No, it was horrible! 

TAM was great for getting me out of an abusive relationship, and knowing when to stop seeing someone (red flags, which are honestly not too hard to detect). Where it's falling short is in providing any kind of advice that leads to a value-based relationship whether married or not, that could include great sex (which is more than just a physical act). 

It's not enough to avoid bad things. Is what I'm saying. More skills are needed to seek out and retain good things, namely one.


----------



## RandomDude

Your experiences and reasons are sound Homemaker, however bear in mind too that there are others who have spent years waiting for marriage only to end up in sexlessness so the importance of sexual compatibility prior to marriage is also a sound argument. One thing of note in all your stories - you learnt alot about them when you slept with them - many others who waited for marriage before sex didn't have a clue!

These are just differences in opinion. Like mine and miss pony's, in regards to the road we should take if our relationship has any future. Right now we've hit a dead end. We can't go further until we can find a way around the roadblock. If there is nothing we can do, friends.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

spinsterdurga said:


> @homemaker_Numero... I'm confused. Did anyone attack you for waiting to have sex?
> 
> 
> Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.


That would be weird, since clearly I haven't.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Your experiences and reasons are sound Homemaker, however bear in mind too that there are others who have spent years waiting for marriage only to end up in sexlessness so the importance of sexual compatibility prior to marriage is also a sound argument. One thing of note in all your stories - you learnt alot about them when you slept with them - many others who waited for marriage before sex didn't have a clue!
> 
> These are just differences in opinion. Like mine and miss pony's, in regards to the road we should take if our relationship has any future. Right now we've hit a dead end. We can't go further until we can find a way around the roadblock. If there is nothing we can do, friends.


Yes, but my avenue of discovery is getting sore. I need a better approach. Honestly, I also don't want to end up in a sexless marriage. I am a sexual person, obviously. Even though the sex was good with this last guy and he knew what he was doing, and gave me a great shave besides, and was not at all inhibited, it was obvious that he just wanted a sex toy and one that he could share with others (probably lining his pockets in the meantime). It was pretty sick. There has got to be a better way than to constantly put one's self in danger, and I don't just mean physically. 

A person doesn't go into a boxing ring without some training...is what I'm saying. So where is the boot camp? Experience has shown me nothing but how to get back up again. If I were a guy, that last statement would be funny.


----------



## Miss Independent

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Where it's falling short is in providing any kind of advice that leads to a value-based relationship whether married or not, that could include great sex (which is more than just a physical act).
> 
> 
> 
> It's not enough to avoid bad things. Is what I'm saying. More skills are needed to seek out and retain good things, namely one.




I don't think anyone can provide a "how to" list on how to find a good partner. 

Those skills can be developed by learning from the bad things. I don't know I see my past relationship as a learning experience. I also don't implement every advises I get on TAM; I take what I think will work and leave out the rest.


----------



## Miss Independent

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That would be weird, since clearly I haven't.




What would be weird?

Are you talking about my signature? Ever since I updated Tapatalk, it keeps showing up in some posts but doesn't in others


----------



## TooNice

Like any online forum community, people can pick and choose what they want to learn from it. The anonymity of it here allows brutal honesty-it is up to is what we choose to do with that.

The last two years have been a remarkable journey for me. Having been with the same man-and never straying from him-for 21 years made dating overwhelming. The culture of it is so different than it was when I met my ex! I got lost in the freedom of it for a time, but people here have helped me to see that not only was it ok that it happened that way, it's ok that I no longer want that. 

I also want to get married again one day. Not anytime soon, but some day. I have learned so much here through the eyes of others about dating perspective-it has really helped me to grow. I respect whatever decision anyone would make about leaving or staying, but I value your insight, HNU. For whatever that's worth. 


~Just breathe.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

spinsterdurga said:


> What would be weird?
> 
> Are you talking about my signature? Ever since I updated Tapatalk, it keeps showing up in some posts but doesn't in others


Being attacked for waiting to have sex.
I haven't. I've waited til I felt comfortable, which wasn't too long. But good thing it wasn't longer, for reasons pointed out by RD, who has made me feel better about this avenue of approach, despite it being a sore one.


----------



## unsure78

HU try looking up evan marc katz, he has an interesting perspective on how to find a guy guy and then keep him


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

unsure78 said:


> HU try looking up evan marc katz, he has an interesting perspective on how to find a guy guy and then keep him


I have seen his advice. 

I am not sure I want a guy guy. And where are the advice givers for men who want to find a good woman and keep her? I am more interested in knowing what the real standard is for men and their thinking and behavior than changing myself. Because I know for sure that my own standards and behavior are more than reasonable, and in all recent cases it has been me who has ended the relationship. I have no trouble 'keeping' a guy. I am the sort of person that guys want to be around. I am nice, good looking, fit, intelligent, good humored, not a prude, like sex, like the outdoors, make my own money, can keep a date, don't lie, am loyal, won't flirt with anyone else, am committed in a relationship 100%, etc. I don't have any addictions, I do not have a foul mouth or anything like that. I do not make a guy jump through hoops or manipulate in order to have sex. I am open about my parenting and work schedule. I am willing to drive half way for a date. I go Dutch. I can carry my own backpack, belay for ice and rock, go the distance in outdoor activities, read a map, pitch a tent, cook backcountry, etc. I am an excellent cook and homemaker. I am fun in a bar. I can dance. I know most movies that guys like to watch. I'm not a purist when it comes to eating. I can go several days without a shower when camping, and know how to behave well in a hot tub. These are all qualities I'm looking for in a man, but it seems like all the advice is that women should be this way to 'catch' a man. Whereas a man who is caught just gets to keep behaving like he does unless the woman somehow has the magic formula to 'keep' him. That sounds really bizarre and weird. As well as manipulative and in a way, deceitful. I am not going to change who I am when I am good enough, in order to catch something that may not be of any value to me, unless he is entering into a relationship fully of his own knowledge and desire. 

I can spot scammers, I know how to have a good relationship.
My big issue right now is in wasting my time, physical energy and emotional energy on delusional men. The rate of mental illness when it comes to reality seems to be fairly high. The hand washing thing and the delusional fleas was weird, the guy who was obsessed with vaginas, red nail polish and money was sort of weird and I think he had a brain injury (bike-car accident while drunk it seems) and some residual damage from alcoholism, this last guy was just a sex addict who maybe thought he could recover by being in a relationship with someone who wasn't (did not work). People seriously need to go to therapy and take appropriate Rx and treatment and not rely on lay people in relationships to fix them with side benefits of sex and ego stroking. That's not what a girlfriend is for. 

It's a good thing I work for a psychiatrist who I can pass these things by when they get perplexing (the fleas, for instance) and spent years in therapy or I would seriously wonder if I am insane and imagining all these encounters. But sadly, they were real.


----------



## MRR

I am not discounting you HN; I find it hard to believe that you have attracted such crazies when you sound like a pretty great woman. I am not saying I have all the answers-- I feel like I don't have any most of the time. But hearing your stories...I need to get out more. Wow.


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## Acoa

There is a lot of crazy in this world. A person can keep their crazy under control short term. In other words they can put up a false front in order to get into a relationship. Just be yourself, and pay attention. I was married to crazy long enough that I can spot it easily.


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## bravenewworld

I can relate to HN's posts as I consider myself a nice, sane, attractive person who literally is only pursued by bad boys and crazy pants. The last guy I dated made out with another woman in front of me, then gave me a huge over-the-top apology including a speech about how awesome I am, then asked another woman out on a date in front of me less than 24 hours later. Check please! 

However, while I would like an LTR at some point, I have no desire to be married again. Unless you're religious I have a hard time understanding what exactly it means besides a piece of legal paperwork you sign after making promises underneath a trellis.  

For me sex is super important and I would NEVER want to meet someone's child unless we were happily boinking and planning to be in a serious LTR. Sorry, mama needs to test drive the car before she leases it.


----------



## bkyln309

Holding out for the sex doesnt prevent you from getting the crazies!!! I always check myself to see what about me is attracting a certain type of man if I see a pattern developing. Then I change that thing about me. I cannot put it all on the man. I need to do my part. 

So far so good. I have to say I have been fortunate (even though I put out early).


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I know what my problem is. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to be one of those people who jumps to conclusions based on the first hint of any red flag. Then when my threshold is passed and I say I am through, I try to be as polite as possible because in my experience whatever reason I give that is valid is turned on me. This just encourages the crazy. Only, this last time, I had told the guy some of the story of bacon guy, who got the call from our town police. So when I said I was through he didn't try any tricks on me. He knew the gig was up. Also, when I joked around with him about how he might pass me off as 'fresh meat' with his groupies and make some cash, he was kind of all about that. Now, this is a guy who built a 5-bedroom house with his ex wife, and they weren't making all that much money on the books with their business, certainly not enough to support the both of them, the house, and the lifestyle they were living. You connect the dots. There is a lot worse than crazy going on in the world. 

Flea guy I think was having a drug reaction. Someone mentioned to me last night about a manager at a certain brokerage/finance firm who was brought in on a drug overdose/is fighting addiction now. (This was at a community forum about opiates/fentanyl.) 

People are going to make money however they can. I think someone said we should discuss finances instead of sex? Well, in the dating world it is sometimes difficult to separate the two. If you think like someone who has basic good looks, decent manners and can put up a dating profile, and needs money for whatever reason, it is pretty easy to find some woman who wants to experiment and pimp her out, or take explicit videos and sell those around. I am always suspicious if anyone wants a bright light on. I am pretty sure this guy was filming. He is an ass. But now our state has passed laws regarding revenge porn...so a lot of that would fall under that law since these are officially dating relationships where someone has broken up, and it's not like the offender is going to say that wasn't his motive after all...dating.

I am done with online dating. Women are an endless commodity for predators. In the past 6 matches I've had, I have been nothing but a commodity. I'm going to stop participating and being a money maker for the match companies and for the matches (in some cases). If you can't be part of the solution, why be part of the problem...

These last two guys were Catholic, in that they went to Mass and confession and Communion. Good Lord!
I had one guy tell me he was a 'cultural Catholic'. What the heck is that?

Like I said, it's not enough to just avoid/ferret out/get away/block out crazies. The goal here is to find one good solid relationship. If someone like me can't do that, with all the best training the government has to offer on humint (and I put it to good use, which is why I don't get taken in by these guys for the long haul or even anything more than a few weeks of dating once or twice a week) then maybe we should think about what the greater problem is... there are no men who can behave in relationships who are online because they don't need to behave. They only need to behave until they get sex. Most women aren't going to want to back out of a relationship after sex and committing. This last guy asked me, oh, I guess we are in a relationship now. I said, it appears so. He said, oh, I guess I will cancel my Match subscription and that can save me money (I said nothing). I think he was fishing for certainty. I didn't give it because we had already had a discussion about exclusivity, there was no need for him to even bring this up. Either he had forgotten the one discussion or he was trying to get me trapped into re-stating it right before he started his misbehaving. I don't know and I don't care. It was just plain weird.


----------



## foolscotton3

Have to remember, RD didn't want a relationship in the first place, he bumped into an amazing woman that caused him to lose sight of that.

He wants sex, she knows that, she wants a relationship but she may not know that RD didn't want that and is now on the fence.

Regardless of the trust issues, which they both have voiced, RD has compromised by continuing to date her. She could compromise by at least not pushing the daughter issue, but instead she withdrew when she didn't get what she wanted.

Now she thinks that what she did was acceptable. That is where it becomes manipulative, punishing him for not compromising some more while digging her feet into the ground. Then pretending nothing ever happened when he confronts her.... = Manipulation.


----------



## RandomDude

Broke it off with miss pony. No solution to our problem. It's over. Tinder is crap too, no substance in the women there, I'm going to uninstall.

Relationships? Meh, never going to happen. I'm done. I had enough, broken now at 30 with all the frustrations, even when I thought "this is it", once again disappointed. Not going to get easier for me, but hey, I can focus my time elsewhere. It's not worth it, not in this city, not in this country. It's just not for me.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Broke it off with miss pony. No solution to our problem. It's over. Tinder is crap too, no substance in the women there, I'm going to uninstall.
> 
> Relationships? Meh, never going to happen. I'm done. I had enough, broken now at 30 with all the frustrations, even when I thought "this is it", once again disappointed. Not going to get easier for me, but hey, I can focus my time elsewhere. It's not worth it, not in this city, not in this country. It's just not for me.


Rd, I get why you broke it off, and I'm sorry you were disappointed again.

But knock off the woe is me crap, hun. I've said it before, but man, if you're washed up at 30, you make it sound like the rest of us are really facing doomed lives. In addition to your daughter, which I know is a given, also focus your time on sorting out your perception some more. Part of being a good dad is modeling good attitudes about relationships, and being "broken" at 30 is not healthy. When she is a grown woman, how do you want your daughter to bounce back when she has a relationship that doesn't work out? I know she won't have your same history to carry, but still. We model. They see. Just food for thought. 

Hang in there.


----------



## foolscotton3

@RandomDude
“When a woman manipulates a man she does not find attractive, she does so through feigned frigidity and sex appeal rather than through sexual act.”


----------



## RandomDude

>.< didnt mean to discourage u guys... im just in a bad way now, n need to vent

have to readjust back into celibacy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* Yay, just lost 21K

HOW THE HELL does one stay motivated with all the consequences of being emotionally compromised?!

The hell am I supposed to stay motivated to set an example for my daughter in regards to my attitude with relationships? HOW?


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* Yay, just lost 21K
> 
> HOW THE HELL does one stay motivated with all the consequences of being emotionally compromised?!
> 
> The hell am I supposed to stay motivated to set an example for my daughter in regards to my attitude with relationships? HOW?


By being strong, like a man, a model of a father. Young girls don't need emotionally weak fathers.


----------



## foolscotton3

RD, it's not like you fvcked her, or even opened your heart for her to fvck you.

She was a passer-by that showed you something about yourself. Your balls still have a say, and commitments prevent you from being where you want to be.

Reinstall tinder in a few days, when you're over Ms. Pony, shouldn't take much longer than a few days.

You're a 30yr old metro-entrepreneur seasoned with a little zing, lol, it's a buyer's market. JUST NEVER STOP MOVING! And cure the oneitis.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> >.< didnt mean to discourage u guys... im just in a bad way now, n need to vent
> 
> have to readjust back into celibacy!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not discouraged, RD. Which is my point. I just wanted to give you perspective.

You need to figure out why, at 30 years young, you can get so down about relationships not working out. It's much healthier to say that someone came into your life who wasn't meant to stay, and then figure out what you could learn from that time. We all have things to learn from those experiences. It what prepares us for when we do find the person we are meant to be with.


----------



## MRR

I am not discouraged either, and i have had the last two women who i was supposed to meet flake on me. Glad i found out they are not reliable BEFORE getting involved/attached. Actually pretty happy about it either. 

Frankly I am still unsure what you and miss pony really were. You talked as if you and her were in a relationship but the interactions you described certainly didnt feel like two people in a relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

I simply invested too much. I put alot of hopes on this after a year of celibacy which seems to have made me emotionally vulnerable.

I dont process it like normal people I harden up to the point I feel nothing. Then when I soften im softer than most people. Its a habit since my youth growing up alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> I simply invested too much. I put alot of hopes on this after a year of celibacy which seems to have made me emotionally vulnerable.
> 
> I dont process it like normal people I harden up to the point I feel nothing. Then when I soften im softer than most people. Its a habit since my youth growing up alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You've remained celibate.
All is the same as it was.


----------



## RandomDude

Nope, because last year I was celibate + hardened, this year I was celibate + softened. I found contentment in celibacy through ignorance, and remaining hardened to the prospect of human mating. Now I'm having to brainwash myself again.


----------



## foolscotton3

We both have a lot to learn.
If you can separate your expectations from casual dating, maybe you can enjoy meeting people in discovering where they are in their own single journey.

Remember, everybody that isn't already married or a eunuch is pretty much dealing with the same situation as yourself.

It might not be as dramatic, but it's normalizing.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, I'm over it... besides I think I'm done with hooking up from the street, it's too random. I'm no longer returning eye-contact, and I can't stand online dating either and I only plan to be on Tinder for a little while longer - to exhaust my matches and then I'm uninstalling. I'm no longer swiping and unmatched with almost all of them except for two, one eager to meet up. Probably going to friend zone her too really, judging by her responses... boring! *sigh* At least miss pony was fun, I need some space from her now but hopefully we can still be friends at a later date.

Meh, life goes on, reached the acceptance stage of grief


----------



## sosotte

Yeah I have the same problem. Where do you go and meet new people if you don't want to do OLD? What are the chances that someone you meet on the street ends up being a perfect match?


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> I simply invested too much. I put alot of hopes on this after a year of celibacy which seems to have made me emotionally vulnerable.
> 
> I dont process it like normal people I harden up to the point I feel nothing. Then when I soften im softer than most people. Its a habit since my youth growing up alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds to me like you have strong emotions, but try to bottle them up. You express them here, which is a good pressure relief to keep you from blowing up. But why not express them in your relationships?

It's okay for a man to have feelings. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to express them. If you want to be a good role model for your girls, learn healthy ways to express your emotions.


----------



## Acoa

sosotte said:


> Yeah I have the same problem. Where do you go and meet new people if you don't want to do OLD? What are the chances that someone you meet on the street ends up being a perfect match?


The chances are near 100% that there is someone you pass in your daily life who is both available and a good match for you. Don't think perfect match. Nothing is perfect. 

The difficult part is figuring out who is available and ready for a relationship, then creating an opportunity. The best way to hone that skill is practice. You need to send out the signals that you are ready, and be willing to have random conversations with lots of people. 

The best way to find someone worth dating is to talk to lots of folks and use your experience to figure out how far to take each one. The goal of the initial conversation is not to find a date. It's just to have a conversation. 

The typical failing strategy is to target one person and pull out all the stops to try and date that one. That leads to disappointment. I feel it's better to talk to lots of people, knowing that most won't work out. A "no" is no longer rejection, it's a learning opportunity.


----------



## Acoa

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I know what my problem is. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to be one of those people who jumps to conclusions based on the first hint of any red flag. Then when my threshold is passed and I say I am through, I try to be as polite as possible because in my experience whatever reason I give that is valid is turned on me. This just encourages the crazy. Only, this last time, I had told the guy some of the story of bacon guy, who got the call from our town police. So when I said I was through he didn't try any tricks on me. He knew the gig was up. Also, when I joked around with him about how he might pass me off as 'fresh meat' with his groupies and make some cash, he was kind of all about that. Now, this is a guy who built a 5-bedroom house with his ex wife, and they weren't making all that much money on the books with their business, certainly not enough to support the both of them, the house, and the lifestyle they were living. You connect the dots. There is a lot worse than crazy going on in the world.
> 
> Flea guy I think was having a drug reaction. Someone mentioned to me last night about a manager at a certain brokerage/finance firm who was brought in on a drug overdose/is fighting addiction now. (This was at a community forum about opiates/fentanyl.)
> 
> People are going to make money however they can. I think someone said we should discuss finances instead of sex? Well, in the dating world it is sometimes difficult to separate the two. If you think like someone who has basic good looks, decent manners and can put up a dating profile, and needs money for whatever reason, it is pretty easy to find some woman who wants to experiment and pimp her out, or take explicit videos and sell those around. I am always suspicious if anyone wants a bright light on. I am pretty sure this guy was filming. He is an ass. But now our state has passed laws regarding revenge porn...so a lot of that would fall under that law since these are officially dating relationships where someone has broken up, and it's not like the offender is going to say that wasn't his motive after all...dating.
> 
> I am done with online dating. Women are an endless commodity for predators. In the past 6 matches I've had, I have been nothing but a commodity. I'm going to stop participating and being a money maker for the match companies and for the matches (in some cases). If you can't be part of the solution, why be part of the problem...
> 
> These last two guys were Catholic, in that they went to Mass and confession and Communion. Good Lord!
> I had one guy tell me he was a 'cultural Catholic'. What the heck is that?
> 
> Like I said, it's not enough to just avoid/ferret out/get away/block out crazies. The goal here is to find one good solid relationship. If someone like me can't do that, with all the best training the government has to offer on humint (and I put it to good use, which is why I don't get taken in by these guys for the long haul or even anything more than a few weeks of dating once or twice a week) then maybe we should think about what the greater problem is... there are no men who can behave in relationships who are online because they don't need to behave. They only need to behave until they get sex. Most women aren't going to want to back out of a relationship after sex and committing. This last guy asked me, oh, I guess we are in a relationship now. I said, it appears so. He said, oh, I guess I will cancel my Match subscription and that can save me money (I said nothing). I think he was fishing for certainty. I didn't give it because we had already had a discussion about exclusivity, there was no need for him to even bring this up. Either he had forgotten the one discussion or he was trying to get me trapped into re-stating it right before he started his misbehaving. I don't know and I don't care. It was just plain weird.


This may be a little cynical of me, but I believe I'm not far off the mark. 

First, there are a lot of 'crazies' and 'players' out there. They lie, cheat and burn through dates like crazy. Dating multiple people at once and none for very long. 

Secondly, there are a few 'good' people out there. They may not be right for you, but they are 'normal crazy' (everyone has something to work on). These are the ones with potential. But they tend to date serially, with breaks in between. 

So, let's say the crazies date 3 people at a time and burn through 3 every month with zero time in between. That's 108 contacts in a year.

The 'normals' on the other hand date 1 person at a time. Come to a decision within a couple of weeks that it will or won't work, then take a month off. That's 1 date every other month. For 6 contacts per year. 

So, statistically you are going to meet 1 normal person in 19 OLD contacts. And it's only maybe that that normal person is compatible with you.


----------



## foolscotton3

I'm totally the mildly crazy.
My dates last between 2 weeks and 5 months, if they break it off its usually within the first 3 weeks, if I break it off its usually 3-5 months.

After a break I chill for 2-6 months depending on what time of year it is. During the spring/summer I am always dating somebody. Fall/winter I will maintain a relationship but don't seek them out.


----------



## bravenewworld

Question for those of you who also have experienced this....

Why do I feel so damn bad when I reject someone and they move on? Met a guy recently who was funny, and sexy, but also into mind games. To sum it up, he kind of treated me like a piece of used Kleenex. I basically told him, "thanks, but no thanks."

We are friends on social media, and he's obviously moved on as he posted a picture on FB he titled "Date Night" that featured him and a rough-looking woman totally $hitfaced during last call at a local dive bar. 

I don't want to go on dates where I get $hitfaced during last call at a dive bar. But instead, I was at home watching a movie while doing my taxes. Sigh. Why do I get jealous over things I don't even want - and that aren't healthy for me??


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? 'Tis just a case of wanting something you can't have or have lost, 'tis natural. I just remind myself the reasons I broke it off with them and move on myself.

BTW folks visited the shelter today, so therapeutic being with animals. Dogs coming up and licking my face and cats purring as I stroke them heals all mental and emotional wounds.

I'm happy again hehe


----------



## foolscotton3

bravenewworld said:


> Question for those of you who also have experienced this....
> 
> Why do I feel so damn bad when I reject someone and they move on? Met a guy recently who was funny, and sexy, but also into mind games. To sum it up, he kind of treated me like a piece of used Kleenex. I basically told him, "thanks, but no thanks."
> 
> We are friends on social media, and he's obviously moved on as he posted a picture on FB he titled "Date Night" that featured him and a rough-looking woman totally $hitfaced during last call at a local dive bar.
> 
> I don't want to go on dates where I get $hitfaced during last call at a dive bar. But instead, I was at home watching a movie while doing my taxes. Sigh. Why do I get jealous over things I don't even want - and that aren't healthy for me??


Cause he is having fun and someone is enjoying his company.

It's okay to want that too. I've passed up a lot of risky people. Seeing where I am now and where I was a year ago, I believe avoiding irresponsible people is the best course for my life. I am very secure and was completely lost a year ago. Irresponsible people are a cancer that sucks the peace, money and time out of your life.

Keep avoiding them, and responsible people will notice you have your **** together.


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Question for those of you who also have experienced this....
> 
> Why do I feel so damn bad when I reject someone and they move on? Met a guy recently who was funny, and sexy, but also into mind games. To sum it up, he kind of treated me like a piece of used Kleenex. I basically told him, "thanks, but no thanks."
> 
> We are friends on social media, and he's obviously moved on as he posted a picture on FB he titled "Date Night" that featured him and a rough-looking woman totally $hitfaced during last call at a local dive bar.
> 
> I don't want to go on dates where I get $hitfaced during last call at a dive bar. But instead, I was at home watching a movie while doing my taxes. Sigh. Why do I get jealous over things I don't even want - and that aren't healthy for me??


Don't trust what you see on FB. 
I used to get jealous of people's FB feed. Their vacations, their lives, their loves, their children. Just don't. 

Btw, it is normal to feel a bit stung, but not healthy nor productive.


----------



## Acoa

bravenewworld said:


> Question for those of you who also have experienced this....
> 
> Why do I feel so damn bad when I reject someone and they move on? Met a guy recently who was funny, and sexy, but also into mind games. To sum it up, he kind of treated me like a piece of used Kleenex. I basically told him, "thanks, but no thanks."
> 
> We are friends on social media, and he's obviously moved on as he posted a picture on FB he titled "Date Night" that featured him and a rough-looking woman totally $hitfaced during last call at a local dive bar.
> 
> I don't want to go on dates where I get $hitfaced during last call at a dive bar. But instead, I was at home watching a movie while doing my taxes. Sigh. Why do I get jealous over things I don't even want - and that aren't healthy for me??


Can I ask why you are still friends on social media? I only keep my XW on because there are things I post about the children that she should see. But I limit posts that she has no business seeing and hide her from my feeds so I don't see what she posts unless I go look at her page. 

Reading what an ex is doing on social media is kind of like picking a scab. It might relieve an itch, but it causes a scar.


----------



## TooNice

Acoa said:


> Can I ask why you are still friends on social media? I only keep my XW on because there are things I post about the children that she should see. But I limit posts that she has no business seeing and hide her from my feeds so I don't see what she posts unless I go look at her page.
> 
> 
> 
> Reading what an ex is doing on social media is kind of like picking a scab. It might relieve an itch, but it causes a scar.




I was going to ask the same question. I only recently blocked my ex on social media, but we were together for over 20 years. I wouldn't hesitate to disconnect with someone I had been dating for a much shorter period of time. Can't see much good coming of seeing what they put out there!


----------



## bravenewworld

Acoa said:


> Can I ask why you are still friends on social media? I only keep my XW on because there are things I post about the children that she should see. But I limit posts that she has no business seeing and hide her from my feeds so I don't see what she posts unless I go look at her page.
> 
> Reading what an ex is doing on social media is kind of like picking a scab. It might relieve an itch, but it causes a scar.


He does business with a family member of mine - they're working on a huge project that wraps up in a few months and I didn't want to cause any drama. Although if I'm being honest with myself, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even notice if I deleted him.

Makes sense that it sucks to see him having fun (and someone else enjoying his company) but he is SO NOT right for me. I don't understand why I care at all. Or how he wormed his way into my head. 

Someone new asked me out today, and I can't make up my mind about whether to take a chance. Dating-wise it feels like I'm trying to ride the wave but I keep getting pounded into the sand.


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Don't trust what you see on FB.
> I used to get jealous of people's FB feed. Their vacations, their lives, their loves, their children. Just don't.
> 
> Btw, it is normal to feel a bit stung, but not healthy nor productive.


I hear you. Most of the time I like seeing vacations, kids, pets, and my fav, food pics! But this is different. I think there was a little bit of an extra sting because one of the pics he posted was at this cool park we talked about going to, and he kept telling me he would take me. Of course, he didn't. Bleh. Just find it odd that when I tell him I don't think we should see each other, he immediately takes someone else. 

Still feeling a little stung. I'm usually relieved when things end with a jerk, but this time I feel hurt too.


----------



## vi_bride04

Rejection stings no matter if you know better or not. Seeing a male you may have had romantic connection with, with another female having fun is a blow to the ego. Even though you know nothing long term can come of a relationship with him, it still stings to not be the one next to him....


----------



## bravenewworld

vi_bride04 said:


> Rejection stings no matter if you know better or not. Seeing a male you may have had romantic connection with, with another female having fun is a blow to the ego. Even though you know nothing long term can come of a relationship with him, it still stings to not be the one next to him....


Damn ego. And emotions. I wish I could be one of those flippant people who flips their hair and says, "NEXT." 

That said, I've said yes to the date with new guy, because, well, why not? Can't hit a home run if I'm too afraid to swing.


----------



## vi_bride04

bravenewworld said:


> I wish I could be one of those flippant people who flips their hair and says, "NEXT."


No you don't. Cuz then you wouldn't feel anything in life, even the good emotions.


----------



## Acoa

bravenewworld said:


> That said, I've said yes to the date with new guy, because, well, why not? Can't hit a home run if I'm too afraid to swing.


You have to play to win. 

I'm dating a great woman right now. But it took 60 dates with close to 30 different women to find her. 

The first 2 or 3 not working out were the most difficult. Then I started seeing dating for what it was. A chance to get to know different people, with different backgrounds and personalities. To figure out what I wanted in a long term mate. I started to enjoy the journey. Even when you realize the person you are out on a date with isn't a match, you can still enjoy the date. 

Dating like that can be a little stressful (time demands). But be honest with each person, and don't take it past 3 dates if you don't feel it's a match.


----------



## ne9907

Acoa said:


> You have to play to win.
> 
> I'm dating a great woman right now. But it took 60 dates with close to 30 different women to find her.
> 
> The first 2 or 3 not working out were the most difficult. Then I started seeing dating for what it was. A chance to get to know different people, with different backgrounds and personalities. To figure out what I wanted in a long term mate. I started to enjoy the journey. Even when you realize the person you are out on a date with isn't a match, you can still enjoy the date.
> 
> Dating like that can be a little stressful (time demands). But be honest with each person, and don't take it past 3 dates if you don't feel it's a match.



I thought you were married? Are you not living in HI and married for a long time to a beautiful woman?

Yes on the 3 date rule, that is why holding onto sex for a least 3 dates is imperative. Once sex is in the picture, everything is clouded and (I) tend to remain in relationships even if I KNOW we are not a match.


----------



## Acoa

ne9907 said:


> I thought you were married? Are you not living in HI and married for a long time to a beautiful woman?
> 
> 
> 
> Yes on the 3 date rule, that is why holding onto sex for a least 3 dates is imperative. Once sex is in the picture, everything is clouded and (I) tend to remain in relationships even if I KNOW we are not a match.




Not married, too soon yet. Divorce was final in 2014. But I am in a committed relationship. We have started making plans to move in together, but not for another year. We are taking things slow. 

Totally agree on your view on sex.


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## ne9907

I consciously cheated on my bf. Since we got back together, about two months ago, we've only have had sex once. This is the first time I cheat. I went and called a guy I know. Asked if he wanted to have sex, he said yes. 
Saw him last night, had sex 3 times in a spam of 2 hours. It was really great sex. I am growing tired of using my vibrator because using it too much make me lose sensitivity. 
Surprisingly, I do not feel bad. I feel as if I regained my sexual being. It is rather strange.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> I consciously cheated on my bf. Since we got back together, about two months ago, we've only have had sex once. This is the first time I cheat. I went and called a guy I know. Asked if he wanted to have sex, he said yes.
> Saw him last night, had sex 3 times in a spam of 2 hours. It was really great sex. I am growing tired of using my vibrator because using it too much make me lose sensitivity.
> Surprisingly, I do not feel bad. I feel as if I regained my sexual being. It is rather strange.


Wow Ne, that is low and sick. Seriously.


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## RandomDude

Not usually one to judge but ne... have to be honest here, you've really lost my respect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Well, we don't know what the arrangement/circumstances are with NE and her boyfriend.
In any case, you guys need to toughen up. You can call it low but it's actually very normal, in that it's common.
Don't get down on her for being honest, it's the one thing we have going right in this place.

I've come to realize I'm very moralistic when it comes to ME, because it's what makes me feel good.
And, I want my eventual partner to be in agreement with my values, but it makes no difference to me what other people do regarding their own sexual needs, so long as it doesn't involve ME. And, I don't mind listening, because it opens my mind to the bigger picture of the world. I hate tunnel vision more than I hate anything else. I work in health care, I hate it when patients make up stories that confound diagnoses...as to what they do that causes any disease, no judgement except if they knew it was going to lead to no good, did it anyhow, then I'm concerned, but still no judgement. People are human, not gods. Actually, we are all less than human, we are beasts. There is no getting around it.

Oh, the guy I dumped on Easter Sunday, texted me last night being disruptive. He thought he would apologize and ask for another chance, but then it morphed into that he was offering me another chance. I said no. I think he was drunk texting or just delusional. One thing I'm learning through my mentoring and also dating is the high prevalence of alcohol abuse and dependence, what it means to be a functional alcoholic, and what happens to cognitive functioning when a functional alcoholic goes too long without a drink. Sigh.


----------



## ne9907

I want you to judge me. I want an intervention of sorts I guess. 
I don't feel bad and I should. I have become which I despise. I was cheated on so I know the hurt it causes and yet I have don't regret sleeping with the guy. I don't feel bad at all. 
The normal choice would be for me to end things with bf but I am going to. 
How did I become so devious? I will talk to my therapist on our next session. I feel normal and satisfied and only guilty because I don't feel guilty for cheating. Does that make sense?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

ne9907 said:


> I want you to judge me. I want an intervention of sorts I guess.
> 
> I don't feel bad and I should. I have become which I despise. I was cheated on so I know the hurt it causes and yet I have don't regret sleeping with the guy. I don't feel bad at all.
> 
> The normal choice would be for me to end things with bf but I am going to.
> 
> How did I become so devious? I will talk to my therapist on our next session. I feel normal and satisfied and only guilty because I don't feel guilty for cheating. Does that make sense?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




How's your relationship with your boyfriend? 

I'm not going to judge since I slipped over the weekend and don't want to be a hypocrite.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I consciously cheated on my bf. Since we got back together, about two months ago, we've only have had sex once. This is the first time I cheat. I went and called a guy I know. Asked if he wanted to have sex, he said yes.
> Saw him last night, had sex 3 times in a spam of 2 hours. It was really great sex. I am growing tired of using my vibrator because using it too much make me lose sensitivity.
> Surprisingly, I do not feel bad. I feel as if I regained my sexual being. It is rather strange.


Ne: you're with a guy who is bad for you and who never fvcks you, and you've cheated on him with someone else?

We've been telling you that this relationship is no good for you. You obviously don't want to be in it, because you're looking elsewhere.

End this relationship already and find something that actually meets your needs. 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


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## 3Xnocharm

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, we don't know what the arrangement/circumstances are with NE and her boyfriend.
> In any case, you guys need to toughen up. You can call it low but it's actually very normal, in that it's common.
> Don't get down on her for being honest, it's the one thing we have going right in this place.


We need to toughen up, really?? And just excuse someone cheating because, hey, its common...really?? And calling it normal...jesus. Remember that when your man cheats on you.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> We've been telling you that this relationship is no good for you. You obviously don't want to be in it, because you're looking elsewhere.
> 
> End this relationship already and find something that actually meets your needs.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


Actually i don't think you should end it... Tell your bf exactly what happened so he can make the most informed decision for himself with all relevant information about whether you are someone he wants to be with or not.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> We need to toughen up, really?? And just excuse someone cheating because, hey, its common...really?? And calling it normal...jesus. Remember that when your man cheats on you.


I agree with 3x here. Ne, I applaud your bravery, but I will not excuse cheating. This guy, no matter how much of a bad boy he is, deserves to know and you need to finally break it off with him for good. This is turning you into a person I think you will regret.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> I want you to judge me. I want an intervention of sorts I guess.
> I don't feel bad and I should. I have become which I despise. I was cheated on so I know the hurt it causes and yet I have don't regret sleeping with the guy. I don't feel bad at all.
> The normal choice would be for me to end things with bf but I am going to.
> How did I become so devious? I will talk to my therapist on our next session. I feel normal and satisfied and only guilty because I don't feel guilty for cheating. Does that make sense?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can't depend on emotions for morality. You know it's the wrong thing to do, regardless of how you feel about it, you have betrayed someone's trust and your own principles.

If that's the type of person you want to be, then sure, if you are proud of what you have become, then sure. In the end what you've done has no excuses, as FIP mentioned you can break up with your bf anytime but you decided to lead him on and cheat on him.


----------



## RandomDude

Anyway guys, I have a plan, I am going to sign up with every single dating site out there, sign up with professional matchmakers, and invest 10K in it, and if I don't find someone special - I'll have more than enough reason to give all of this up for good. Right now I'm on the fence, whether to try again or not to try, but fk it, I'm going to give it one hell of a shot, and if it doesn't work out, no way anyone can tell me "don't give up" when I have sufficient reason to. Deep down I know I haven't done enough when it comes to my love life.


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> Anyway guys, I have a plan, I am going to sign up with every single dating site out there, sign up with professional matchmakers, and invest 10K in it, and if I don't find someone special - I'll have more than enough reason to give all of this up for good. Right now I'm on the fence, whether to try again or not to try, but fk it, I'm going to give it one hell of a shot, and if it doesn't work out, no way anyone can tell me "don't give up" when I have sufficient reason to. Deep down I know I haven't done enough when it comes to my love life.




Spend some time on yourself. Don't date, or at least don't go hunting for a wife. Just work on having some fun. Spend that 10k on a nice vacation. 

You don't seem happy with yourself. Until you can master that, you'll never be happy with someone else.


----------



## RandomDude

Every other aspect of my life brings me joy except romance; I love my lifestyle, I love my kid, I love my cat, I love my work, I love my home, I love my life!

Cutting out romance for good, a justified decision with enough weight and loss to last a lifetime will help me focus on appreciating the life I have. When I desire, or find myself wanting, I lose my focus, become self-centered, pity myself, end up in sh-t. Romance isn't something I can work for, it's something I have to find and I can't be fked anymore after a failed marriage and having split custody with my ex-wife making it difficult for me and my daughter as well.

The reason why I was only content, and not happy last year, because I had a different mindframe: "I want it, but fk it". Instead, I want the mindframe "I gave it a good shot, and in the end, single life just makes me happier", and hence, giving it a hell of a shot, one last time, to reach that mentality.

There are many avenues I've closed off, roads I have not taken. It's not a dead end yet, I want to either reach my destination or reach a dead end - a real dead end. Not crossroads.


----------



## RandomDude

And also do you know what else? I had sex. Yes. Sex. After a year of celibacy. I just craved that intimacy and after breaking it off with miss pony, I knew who was available for a score and took the opportunity. But guess what?

I'm impotent now. 

Yup, erectile fking disfunction. Cause? Masturbation. For a year. Now I can't even keep it up inside a real woman. Sure there are other factors that may have contributed to the ED, but it's a serious issue. I can not afford to waste anymore time sitting on the fence. Either I decide, I go for it, or I give it up. Period.


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> And also do you know what else? I had sex. Yes. Sex. After a year of celibacy. I just craved that intimacy and after breaking it off with miss pony, I knew who was available for a score and took the opportunity. But guess what?
> 
> 
> 
> I'm impotent now.
> 
> 
> 
> Yup, erectile fking disfunction. Cause? Masturbation. For a year. Now I can't even keep it up inside a real woman. Sure there are other factors that may have contributed to the ED, but it's a serious issue. I can not afford to waste anymore time sitting on the fence. Either I decide, I go for it, or I give it up. Period.




Stop baiting for 3 days, if that's all the problem is. 

If that's not it, then it's about who you are with and intimacy. Sex is 90% in the brain. Yes you can get tapped out if you bait too much, but that's largely corrected by waiting. 

Do you have a therapist you are comfortable talking about this stuff with?


----------



## foolscotton3

Takes me more that 3 days, but same story...
I've got to quit for a week to regain my p-stamina for the real thing.

If you can get off masturbating then it's delayed ejaculation (DE), not ED.


----------



## RandomDude

I already dealt with this because this has happened before. It took me a while with ex-GF/ex-FWB as well. I wasn't at all shocked at what happened because I knew what was going on. Did it embarrass me? Yes. But it's not the first time so quite frankly I'm not that bothered about it, even though it does shame me as a man not being able to pleasure a woman especially when it was something that I used to take great pride in.

Regardless of the ED I have succeeded in every other aspect of my life and I am incredibly happy. I've achieved more than I ever thought I could many years ago, I may come back after a long day exhausted but I sleep well and wake up eager to live life. I have the love of friends and family so why let such joy be drowned in sorrow in regards to my pathetic love life? Why bother when it simply proves itself not worth my time or my money or my hopes?

So I'm going to GIVE it a shot, let it prove my time, my money and my hopes. I know I am ready with alot to offer, and all the more reason I will be empowered to give it up if it doesn't work.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> I already dealt with this because this has happened before. It took me a while with ex-GF/ex-FWB as well. I wasn't at all shocked at what happened because I knew what was going on. Did it embarrass me? Yes. But it's not the first time so quite frankly I'm not that bothered about it, even though it does shame me as a man not being able to pleasure a woman especially when it was something that I used to take great pride in.
> 
> Regardless of the ED I have succeeded in every other aspect of my life and I am incredibly happy. I've achieved more than I ever thought I could many years ago, I may come back after a long day exhausted but I sleep well and wake up eager to live life. I have the love of friends and family so why let such joy be drowned in sorrow in regards to my pathetic love life? Why bother when it simply proves itself not worth my time or my money or my hopes?
> 
> So I'm going to GIVE it a shot, let it prove my time, my money and my hopes. I know I am ready with alot to offer, and all the more reason I will be empowered to give it up if it doesn't work.


Be ready to give it up when it doesn't work... Dating services are a cesspool for broken women and gold diggers.


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> So I'm going to GIVE it a shot, let it prove my time, my money and my hopes. I know I am ready with alot to offer, and all the more reason I will be empowered to give it up if it doesn't work.




I disagree... You're not ready.

Why would you spend 10k to find a women? Why waste money??


----------



## RandomDude

I no longer really have a fear of being deceived like that, call it being dishonest but I call it being wise about divulging my personal income to prospect dates. I can say something like - for example, "One month, I only made just over $1000", and that's the truth - as it did happen. I didn't get to my position without having been on the trenches financially. I can also take her out to a non-fancy restaurant, and say something like "I spent alot on the matchmaker", and come across as tight. I can also say I have debts, which is true, as I am handling a lot of money in the middle especially this year.

Miss pony, despite everything - proved herself not a gold digger. Despite everything, taught me what to look for as well as what not to look for.



spinsterdurga said:


> I disagree... You're not ready.
> 
> Why would you spend 10k to find a women? Why waste money??


It's pocket change and I lost double that recently because of my stupidity and loss of focus. I can make that in revenue easy the next day, and stand to lose alot more if I don't deal with my romantic problems, and fast.

I don't care whether others think I am or not ready anymore. I've wasted years trusting the advice of people saying "you're not ready" then end up even worse without the experiences that will teach me or the experiences that maintains my ability as a lover or the experiences that will make me grow or the experiences that let me live my life to the fullest. No, I am going to give it a shot.

Every woman I have been with in my life just made me better. Why should I deny myself growth when I do not deny growth to all other aspects of my life that has reached the apex of all the hard work I've invested into it over the years?

I will let fate prove to me what is best for me, not what I think is best for me, trying to brainwash myself into celibacy when only life experiences can, and will.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> I'm impotent now.
> 
> *Yup, erectile fking disfunction*. Cause? Masturbation. For a year. Now I can't even keep it up inside a real woman. Sure there are other factors that may have contributed to the ED, but it's a serious issue. I can not afford to waste anymore time sitting on the fence. Either I decide, I go for it, or I give it up. Period.


This!

That's why regular sex with a real person is important. Women do not get ED, but we do lose sensitivity or/and takes us longer to achieve orgasm if we use electronic devices for long periods of time (happens to me).

RD. I really enjoyed your post, thank you, for the advice given to me.

I am going to talk to him tomorrow evening (only see him on weekends) and push for an open relationship. He has given indications that he does not mind that. Actually, in the past we have talked about having sex with other people. He told me "if you fvck someone else just take photos" and "I cant control what you do, if you wanna fvck someone else you will, just take photos" I was a bit shocked and asked if he was being serious, he said yes, I am. "I want to watch...."
So not sure of his reaction because our talks were hypothetical, now the situation is real.

We (him and I) talk a lot about everything, it is quite normal for us to discuss anything under the sun.


----------



## Miss Independent

ne9907 said:


> This!
> 
> 
> 
> That's why regular sex with a real person is important. Women do not get ED, but we do lose sensitivity or/and takes us longer to achieve orgasm if we use electronic devices for long periods of time (happens to me).
> 
> 
> 
> RD. I really enjoyed your post, thank you, for the advice given to me.
> 
> 
> 
> I am going to talk to him tomorrow evening (only see him on weekends) and push for an open relationship. He has given indications that he does not mind that. Actually, in the past we have talked about having sex with other people. He told me "if you fvck someone else just take photos" and "I cant control what you do, if you wanna fvck someone else you will, just take photos" I was a bit shocked and asked if he was being serious, he said yes, I am. "I want to watch...."
> 
> So not sure of his reaction because our talks were hypothetical, now the situation is real.
> 
> 
> 
> We (him and I) talk a lot about everything, it is quite normal for us to discuss anything under the sun.




Um why can't you break up with him?


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> This!
> 
> That's why regular sex with a real person is important.


Have to agree with you on this one.



> He has given indications that he does not mind that. Actually, in the past we have talked about having sex with other people. He told me "if you fvck someone else just take photos" and "I cant control what you do, if you wanna fvck someone else you will, just take photos" I was a bit shocked and asked if he was being serious, he said yes, I am. "I want to watch...."


Should have said that to begin with, as this is quite a grey area when he's actually telling you to go fk someone else and you two aren't even in agreement as to sexual boundaries.

If he trusted you to stay loyal to him however, what you did was seriously fked up. I don't know the truth of it, but hey, this is my honest opinion from what you've said thus far.

Next time, why not have that talk BEFORE anything else ey?


----------



## ne9907

spinsterdurga said:


> Um why can't you break up with him?


Because I am a stubborn person. I have issues with control. I want to gain his complete approval (issues). I enjoy his company A LOT. He is so open/honest about everything. He is emotionally supportive most of the time. I like him.



RandomDude said:


> Have to agree with you on this one.
> 
> 
> 
> Should have said that to begin with, as this is quite a grey area when he's actually telling you to go fk someone else and you* two aren't even in agreement as to sexual boundaries.
> *
> If he trusted you to stay loyal to him however, what you did was seriously fked up. I don't know the truth of it, but hey, this is my honest opinion from what you've said thus far.
> 
> Next time, why not have that talk BEFORE anything else ey?


We are not. However, I do not want him fvcking someone else... Lets be real here. He probably wouldn't want to anyway. He is tired most of the time. 
I consider myself an attractive person for some. Last week was his birthday, I took a couple of days off to be with him. On his birthday, I got up early.

I put on this skimpy outfit. Sexy short red school skirt (circa Britney Spears). Black stockings, high heels, and white tank top. 
I did my hair and make up. 

I made his favorite breakfast wearing his sexy outfit. No sex. No dice. We had breakfast, then he was tired and took another nap. He has HUGE libido issues or he is lying and NOT attracted to me...

I honestly rather NOT think about the situation because I KNOW he is bad for me, I know I should quit him, but I am NOT going to just yet. Eventually I will, just not now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ne, no offense but you are seriously messed up. Get the hell out of the relationship and stay away from men.


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, no offense but you are seriously messed up. Get the hell out of the relationship and stay away from men.


No offense taken


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> And also do you know what else? I had sex. Yes. Sex. After a year of celibacy. I just craved that intimacy and after breaking it off with miss pony, I knew who was available for a score and took the opportunity. But guess what?
> 
> I'm impotent now.
> 
> Yup, erectile fking disfunction. Cause? Masturbation. For a year. Now I can't even keep it up inside a real woman. Sure there are other factors that may have contributed to the ED, but it's a serious issue. I can not afford to waste anymore time sitting on the fence. Either I decide, I go for it, or I give it up. Period.


Oh no . I hope my sexual inactivity won't cause impotency .

Rd , take it easy with breaking up with ms pony .

N you may not be impotent ? But can't get it hard because you don't have feelings for the woman you are having sex with ?

At least I know I can't have an orgasm with a man I have no feelings for . 

Been busy n didn't follow all the posts.

Been thinking of paying for dating agencies too but I wonder if it really works to find a mate or a good male friend or it is all a scam .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, we don't know what the arrangement/circumstances are with NE and her boyfriend.
> In any case, you guys need to toughen up. You can call it low but it's actually very normal, in that it's common.
> Don't get down on her for being honest, it's the one thing we have going right in this place.
> 
> I've come to realize I'm very moralistic when it comes to ME, because it's what makes me feel good.
> And, I want my eventual partner to be in agreement with my values, but it makes no difference to me what other people do regarding their own sexual needs, so long as it doesn't involve ME. And, I don't mind listening, because it opens my mind to the bigger picture of the world. I hate tunnel vision more than I hate anything else. I work in health care, I hate it when patients make up stories that confound diagnoses...as to what they do that causes any disease, no judgement except if they knew it was going to lead to no good, did it anyhow, then I'm concerned, but still no judgement. People are human, not gods. Actually, we are all less than human, we are beasts. There is no getting around it.
> 
> Oh, the guy I dumped on Easter Sunday, texted me last night being disruptive. He thought he would apologize and ask for another chance, but then it morphed into that he was offering me another chance. I said no. I think he was drunk texting or just delusional. One thing I'm learning through my mentoring and also dating is the high prevalence of alcohol abuse and dependence, what it means to be a functional alcoholic, and what happens to cognitive functioning when a functional alcoholic goes too long without a drink. Sigh.


Was that the guy you knew from long ago , college or something ? That you saw on dating site ? 

Sorry , not been here for a while .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> I no longer really have a fear of being deceived like that, call it being dishonest but I call it being wise about divulging my personal income to prospect dates. I can say something like - for example, "One month, I only made just over $1000", and that's the truth - as it did happen. I didn't get to my position without having been on the trenches financially. I can also take her out to a non-fancy restaurant, and say something like "I spent alot on the matchmaker", and come across as tight. I can also say I have debts, which is true, as I am handling a lot of money in the middle especially this year.
> 
> Miss pony, despite everything - proved herself not a gold digger. Despite everything, taught me what to look for as well as what not to look for.
> 
> 
> 
> It's pocket change and I lost double that recently because of my stupidity and loss of focus. I can make that in revenue easy the next day, and stand to lose alot more if I don't deal with my romantic problems, and fast.
> 
> I don't care whether others think I am or not ready anymore. I've wasted years trusting the advice of people saying "you're not ready" then end up even worse without the experiences that will teach me or the experiences that maintains my ability as a lover or the experiences that will make me grow or the experiences that let me live my life to the fullest. No, I am going to give it a shot.
> 
> Every woman I have been with in my life just made me better. Why should I deny myself growth when I do not deny growth to all other aspects of my life that has reached the apex of all the hard work I've invested into it over the years?
> 
> I will let fate prove to me what is best for me, not what I think is best for me, trying to brainwash myself into celibacy when only life experiences can, and will.


Just quit being a spaz.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> I no longer really have a fear of being deceived like that, call it being dishonest but I call it being wise about divulging my personal income to prospect dates. I can say something like - for example, "One month, I only made just over $1000", and that's the truth - as it did happen. I didn't get to my position without having been on the trenches financially. I can also take her out to a non-fancy restaurant, and say something like "I spent alot on the matchmaker", and come across as tight. I can also say I have debts, which is true, as I am handling a lot of money in the middle especially this year.
> 
> Miss pony, despite everything - proved herself not a gold digger. Despite everything, taught me what to look for as well as what not to look for.
> 
> 
> 
> It's pocket change and I lost double that recently because of my stupidity and loss of focus. I can make that in revenue easy the next day, and stand to lose alot more if I don't deal with my romantic problems, and fast.
> 
> I don't care whether others think I am or not ready anymore. I've wasted years trusting the advice of people saying "you're not ready" then end up even worse without the experiences that will teach me or the experiences that maintains my ability as a lover or the experiences that will make me grow or the experiences that let me live my life to the fullest. No, I am going to give it a shot.
> 
> Every woman I have been with in my life just made me better. Why should I deny myself growth when I do not deny growth to all other aspects of my life that has reached the apex of all the hard work I've invested into it over the years?
> 
> I will let fate prove to me what is best for me, not what I think is best for me, trying to brainwash myself into celibacy when only life experiences can, and will.



You are right. Ms Pony was not a gold digger. She was a player, control freak with sexual problems. Thats worse.

I would advise that when you sign up for a match maker, you use one for successful people only. That way, you are getting a certain class of woman. One who is as successful as you are with the same values. Thats the great thing with matchmatchers. You can choose the perimeters. That way you can avoid the gold digging altogether.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

3Xnocharm said:


> We need to toughen up, really?? And just excuse someone cheating because, hey, its common...really?? And calling it normal...jesus. Remember that when your man cheats on you.


You're being judgmental, and I wasn't. 
I never said it was okay.
I said it was common.
This is a forum where people should be non-judgmental so that everyone feels free to talk about their issues, because otherwise we are censoring and this is unproductive in personal growth.
Also, I said that we don't really know what's going on with NE and her boyfriend. Often people are unable to consciously process what's going on with their reality, and they need to look at their actions to figure out what they're really thinking or feeling. 

If you really want to know what I think, I think all sex involves issue.
And to think that anyone is not going to 'cheat' is immature. Even in a marriage. 

The more we judge and the more people censor and are made to feel that they're somehow f'd up just because they have more COURAGE than others to admit what they did, the less normal they are going to think they are. And it is not true. She is not f'd up and she is not abnormal, except in her honesty.

That's my opinion and I'll stand by it.
I've heard enough confessions behind closed doors and seen enough as a fly on the wall as a kid living in other people's houses to know what 'normal' is. Normal is the so-called f'd up. 

Normal is different than emotionally healthy. Emotionally healthy comes from admitting you're normal, and then doing something about the parts of it that aren't getting good results for you. 

I think this forum has rules about bashing. 
Unless we want to revert to stoning and all that.


----------



## foolscotton3

I think FWB has the feels


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* Yay, just lost 21K
> 
> HOW THE HELL does one stay motivated with all the consequences of being emotionally compromised?!
> 
> The hell am I supposed to stay motivated to set an example for my daughter in regards to my attitude with relationships? HOW?


A lot to lose . not worth it . 

You didn't even **** her . 

Focus n forget her. Earn the money back . don't get a bad name in your industry .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

sosotte said:


> Yeah I have the same problem. Where do you go and meet new people if you don't want to do OLD? What are the chances that someone you meet on the street ends up being a perfect match?


Same problem .

No answer .

No dates .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Been thinking of paying for dating agencies too but I wonder if it really works to find a mate or a good male friend or it is all a scam .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had an interview with one of the dating agencies, quoting $2850. I'm trying it out. Also joined match and *******, will see how it goes, though match seems to be a scam, there was one gorgeous beauty who mutually "winked" me then after I got the subscription and emailed her she went "hidden". Got 3 months of this crap too.

So already burnt straight off the bat, but hell, whether I get burnt or I find someone - I win! As I need to either forfill my desire, or convince myself to abandon it, and willing to price for each ever outcome.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> I had an interview with one of the dating agencies, quoting $2850. I'm trying it out. Also joined match and *******, will see how it goes, though match seems to be a scam, there was one gorgeous beauty who mutually "winked" me then after I got the subscription and emailed her she went "hidden". Got 3 months of this crap too.
> 
> So already burnt straight off the bat, but hell, whether I get burnt or I find someone - I win! As I need to either forfill my desire, or convince myself to abandon it, and willing to price for each ever outcome.


Hopefully the $2k wasn't for Its Just Lunch.

That site is a known scam, nobody has ever entered a LTR from it, the positive reviews are fake and the negative reviews all tell the same story.

If you are a woman your paying them to ***** you out.

If your a guy, your paying them to find you a *****.


----------



## ne9907

Ouch RD!
If you have the money (which you do) go for it. I do not have 2K to spend on a dating site.

I hope they find you someone great!


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> I had an interview with one of the dating agencies, quoting $2850. I'm trying it out. Also joined match and *******, will see how it goes, though match seems to be a scam, there was one gorgeous beauty who mutually "winked" me then after I got the subscription and emailed her she went "hidden". Got 3 months of this crap too.
> 
> So already burnt straight off the bat, but hell, whether I get burnt or I find someone - I win! As I need to either forfill my desire, or convince myself to abandon it, and willing to price for each ever outcome.


I liked match, yeah, there are a few scammers, but they are pretty easy to spot. 

For the most part women don't reach out to you, you need to initiate contact with them. 

Filter out the free accounts. They need to pay to reply to you and may be an old expired account that they never deactivated. 

I had a 'decent' profile and would get maybe one response for every 4 people I contacted. Every now and then a polite rejection, but mostly if they were not interested they just didn't respond. Some take a long time, I've had responses come in weeks after I sent my introduction. 

And when you initiate contact, be personable and say why you are interested in her. "hey what's up" and "Damn grrl, you fine!" will get ignored. 

Best if you ask a question, give her a reason to reply. For example, if you have gardening as a mutual interest. Something like, "I see you like gardening too. I mainly grow vegetables, flowers are nice, but I like to grow fresh food for the table. What is your favorite part of gardening?"

This type of intro does a couple things, it shows you read her profile. It also shows you are interested in her for more than just her looks. 

Match can work great, but it's a little like looking for a needle in a haystack. But filter out the unpaid accounts, and look for well filled out profiles and you'll get decent results. Don't brag on your profile about your work either. You'll get more hits if you show your success, but probably not from the type of woman you are looking for.


----------



## ne9907

Acoa said:


> I liked match, yeah, there are a few scammers, but they are pretty easy to spot.
> 
> For the most part women don't reach out to you, you need to initiate contact with them.
> 
> Filter out the free accounts. They need to pay to reply to you and may be an old expired account that they never deactivated.
> 
> I had a 'decent' profile and would get maybe one response for every 4 people I contacted. Every now and then a polite rejection, but mostly if they were not interested they just didn't respond. Some take a long time, I've had responses come in weeks after I sent my introduction.
> 
> And when you initiate contact, be personable and say why you are interested in her.* "hey what's up" and "Damn grrl, you fine*!" will get ignored.
> 
> Best if you ask a question, give her a reason to reply. For example, if you have gardening as a mutual interest. Something like, "I see you like gardening too. I mainly grow vegetables, flowers are nice, but I like to grow fresh food for the table. What is your favorite part of gardening?"
> 
> This type of intro does a couple things, it shows you read her profile. It also shows you are interested in her for more than just her looks.
> 
> Match can work great, but it's a little like looking for a needle in a haystack. But filter out the unpaid accounts, and look for well filled out profiles and you'll get decent results. *Don't brag on your profile about your work either*. You'll get more hits if you show your success, but probably not from the type of woman you are looking for.


haha!!! @ girl you are fine!

Yes, do not brag! Most women get turn off when people brag ie "I have a nice great truck" or "my home is expensive" you get it right?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Was that the guy you knew from long ago , college or something ? That you saw on dating site ?
> 
> Sorry , not been here for a while .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope. I guy I dated a few years ago after my then-boyfriend had a stroke and had moved away.
I decided this guy wasn't self-motivated enough for me, there were lots of things he wanted to do, but seemed to want a relationship to jump start all that. He couldn't have been that interested in doing those things, then, because plenty of opportunity to do them by oneself or in activity groups. Bottom line, I thought he was a little bit boring. So fast forward a few years and I ask him to go out on a date with me to an event I wanted to go to, he accepts and over dinner tells me he's been doing a lot of what he said he wanted to do. Well, not really. And as for boring, he is not boring, but he definitely has a lifestyle that's incompatible with mine. I somehow must have missed some obvious hidden/secret sign that he's a swinger, has a FWB, has some other female friends hanging around, swapped wives with his former neighbor (and went to visit them just after starting to date me...but then later said he doesn't see them any more...) The going to church and being boring is just a façade. I got the feeling that he lures in women with the un-alarming façade, and then pimps them out in the guise of 'sexual adventure' and pockets the cash. When I joked to him about this, he remembered it and then later on suggested a business deal. Ummmm, no thanks. That is just weird. I also think he's an alcoholic, which could explain why he thought I would even go for one little bit of what he suggested. 

This was so bad that I've sworn off sex and relationships entirely. 
This came on top of finding out that the woman I've been mentoring is a functional alcoholic. The kind of person who needs alcohol in order to function, and even then it's just her bluffing her way through low-level (if that) competencies at work (when she can show up, because most of the time she's in crisis or sick or picking up the pieces of her kids' ruined lives. I cannot teach someone like that. Mentoring was fine, but what she needs is medically-supervised detox. Maybe in 6 months after that, I could try to teach her to think analytically and to program. I can easily see how guys can get taken in by women with issues, because I just wasted a considerable amount of time on this so-called potential raw talent. Bleh. I'm going back over all of her lies and manipulation. She is good. Fortunately I had my small doubts from the beginning and a good memory or I would have wasted even more time. At least I got paid for it. Now I'm waiting for her to attempt to discredit me in her workplace, if there is anybody left there who might believe her...in my experience as soon as you cut off a leech, if their usual tactics don't work (you're mistaken, it was a misunderstanding, please give me another chance, etc.) they get very, very aggressive and mean. Addiction must really s*ck.


----------



## tripad

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> And as for boring, he is not boring, but he definitely has a lifestyle that's incompatible with mine. I somehow must have missed some obvious hidden/secret sign that he's a swinger, has a FWB, has some other female friends hanging around, swapped wives with his former neighbor (and went to visit them just after starting to date me...but then later said he doesn't see them any more...) The going to church and being boring is just a façade.
> 
> 
> 
> in my experience as soon as you cut off a leech, if their usual tactics don't work (you're mistaken, it was a misunderstanding, please give me another chance, etc.) they get very, very aggressive and mean. Addiction must really s*ck.


Gosh. That sounds bad.

The part about pretending to be boring and churchy but with such deep under current of wild life style is such opposites .

It reminds me of my ex and his family , the churchy holy soft spoken people and then they cheated me .

The moment I cut them off as leeches , yeah man , you are right . not more the sweet soft spoken folks . I can hear them hissed , I swear .

Not being negative here . Just trying to read and study here to avoid the people I don't want to be involve with , ever .


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> haha!!! @ girl you are fine!
> 
> Yes, do not brag! Most women get turn off when people brag ie "I have a nice great truck" or "my home is expensive" you get it right?


So many scammers . Finally they do show their true colours and asked for money , or lament they have no room to stay in . C'mon , I am not your mom , fuzk off . 

Then I felt I wasted my time . So the truth is I replied during my toilet break . Now I deleted all accounts .:frown2:


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I had an interview with one of the dating agencies, quoting $2850. I'm trying it out. Also joined match and *******, will see how it goes, though match seems to be a scam, there was one gorgeous beauty who mutually "winked" me then after I got the subscription and emailed her she went "hidden". Got 3 months of this crap too.
> 
> So already burnt straight off the bat, but hell, whether I get burnt or I find someone - I win! As I need to either forfill my desire, or convince myself to abandon it, and willing to price for each ever outcome.


hey

I went for an interview too with a dating agency . Later , I read that they are a scam , just more expensive than tinder and match . So watch it .

I was quoted $2500 for 5 dates and they claimed they had many high profile professionals in their data and men had to pay $ 10 K and will get to view photos of women and they told me to get a nice photo in the studio . The lower profile men pay $2500 and they don't get to see photos or choose .

My reply was that if they are that high profile , they can afford to throw $10 k to play and toss me . And I don't like the fact that I have to do a photo shoot to parade my looks for them to pick me , and where does that place my values or their values ? 

Then they said ooooh nooooo , they are others who save a long time to pay the $2500 to enter the data base . And I said that then these are not my men either .

:frown2::surprise:

So see my dilemma . And I have not joined yet .

The many reviews said that they may have a few insiders with good looks and good conversations skill for the first date set up and then you get the crappy ones till you complain . You may then get a insider to entertain you and give you false hopes . The cycle continues ......

Sigh . Maybe you call me paranoid or distrusting but that is what many reviewers commented on .

Maybe , there are real people in there but they may not pass the looks department . The testimonials I read which end up in marriages are probably people I will never imagine having sex with . :frown2:

So...........

I may be better off joining muay thai class , sports class and see if any one fit and decent looking that I may actually imagine sleeping with .

I am actually thinking now if I need to lower my requirements , a guy who is fit but financially less able , or financially able but pudgy or old . Sigh , why cant I have both ? Sigh 

Just spilling my thoughts . No offence to anyone .


----------



## RandomDude

Match is shocking really, 50% of attractive profiles earn less yet desire 150k+ , obvious and shameless gold diggers, but at least they are honest about it. 

The 3k dating agency is a 12 month membership with a matchmaker. I already feel scammed both with match n this but meh, Im practically paying to give up on hoping
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

foolscotton3 said:


> Hopefully the $2k wasn't for Its Just Lunch.
> 
> That site is a known scam, nobody has ever entered a LTR from it, the positive reviews are fake and the negative reviews all tell the same story.
> 
> If you are a woman your paying them to ***** you out.
> 
> If your a guy, your paying them to find you a *****.


I was just talking about It's just lunch

RD 

After the interview , they hard sell me . They don't know who they are dealing with . I hard sell people . They don't hard sell me . LOL.

Then they try to demoralise you on your weakness .

They try to emphasize your age . They try to remind me that I have kids and men may not choose me but the younger single ladies .

N I rebutted them , good , then I should not join It's just lunch , isn't it . I am fine without a man , but not without my children . Then , they shift gear , trying to find another weak spot to shoot me .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Match is shocking really, 50% of attractive profiles earn less yet desire 150k+ , obvious and shameless gold diggers, but at least they are honest about it.
> 
> The 3k dating agency is a 12 month membership with a matchmaker. I already feel scammed both with match n this but meh, Im practically paying to give up on hoping
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just different companies , different names .

Tell us if it works .


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Gosh. That sounds bad.
> 
> The part about pretending to be boring and churchy but with such deep under current of wild life style is such opposites .
> 
> It reminds me of my ex and his family , the churchy holy soft spoken people and then they cheated me .
> 
> The moment I cut them off as leeches , yeah man , you are right . not more the sweet soft spoken folks . I can hear them hissed , I swear .
> 
> Not being negative here . Just trying to read and study here to avoid the people I don't want to be involve with , ever .


Yes, I heard my ex husband hiss when he figured out I couldn't be played any longer. I could almost see the horns growing out of his head. But he knew at that point I was untouchable, none of his tricks would work.

The problem with online dating is that we vastly underestimate the number of pathological liars, addicts, scammers and panty collectors that are showing up on our radar. There are actually paid options where a subscriber can show up on your daily matches. One of the psychological techniques that's used by players and other con artists is repeated exposure. The more you see someone's face, the more you are likely to be attracted to them, or at least see them as less of a threat. In terms of con artists, don't be fooled and think these are all lone wolfs. If there is sex involved in the scam, you can be sure that they are trained as well as any other professional organization trains their profit engines. And even if sex doesn't pay out, blackmail might. Then there are con artists who will just get to know you, make a copy of your house key when you're not paying attention (they don't need to go to the hardware store to do this) and then sell it. If you have FB and like to post where you're going, they can use this info. They can also steal your personal info more easily.

Online dating is not as safe as everyone makes it out to be. With growing drug addiction it's only going to get worse. People get desperate. At that point, it's about the addiction, not about morals or being ethical. 

I won't online date any more. It's way too risky. Dating services probably aren't any better. Not only are you giving your personal statistics to a dating service (and who knows who might work for those companies or what they'll do with your info), you're telling them quite a lot about your personality and habits and lifestyle. I work in data breaches research, in part, and from what I've seen the inside jobs happen quite frequently, usually by the person you'd least suspect. Usually the data are sold to organized crime.

There is paranoia, and there is reality. I think it's better to meet people in person, and observe them for a long while within a community of people, before deciding to let them into your bed, or even your home, or to have any facts about yourself that they may or may not deserve to have. 

Be careful.

I was going to say, you will be lucky if you just end up with a married person who's playing on the side...but then there is the spouse who will hunt you down.

Bottom line is that it's just not worth it. We all like to say to ourselves, oh, but we are quality people and we are on that site, so I'll meet someone who is like-minded. But the chances of that are pretty high if you use a community method, in person, and in this case you don't have to take stabs in the dark (hehehehe) regarding the losers.


----------



## unsure78

Just as an fyi and different perspective for you RD... at least 2 people who have participated on this thread in the past have become engaged/married off of partners they met on match in the last few years.

Personally, I generally enjoyed my old experience. Sure there were the creepers and scammers but they were really easy to spot. I truly only had one bad date in my 3 years of online dating, and I dated a lot. I think someone, maybe it was Acoca, who hit the nail on the head a few pages back, its about enjoying the journey of getting to meet someone new and learn about them. Rather than just focusing on the end game. Doing some pre-sceening and having a list of requirements helps...but there are good people on old.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

That reminds me, I miss @Jellybeans!!


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Match is shocking really, 50% of attractive profiles earn less yet desire 150k+ , obvious and shameless gold diggers, but at least they are honest about it.
> 
> The 3k dating agency is a 12 month membership with a matchmaker. I already feel scammed both with match n this but meh, Im practically paying to give up on hoping
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you are way too focused on money. I have met several women on match and finances has never been brought up. do you actually talk about your income with people in real life?


----------



## MRR

unsure78 said:


> Just as an fyi and different perspective for you RD... at least 2 people who have participated on this thread in the past have become engaged/married off of partners they met on match in the last few years.
> 
> Personally, I generally enjoyed my old experience. Sure there were the creepers and scammers but they were really easy to spot. I truly only had one bad date in my 3 years of online dating, and I dated a lot. I think someone, maybe it was Acoca, who hit the nail on the head a few pages back, its about enjoying the journey of getting to meet someone new and learn about them. Rather than just focusing on the end game. Doing some pre-sceening and having a list of requirements helps...but there are good people on old.


My experiences have been similar. Mostly normal and overall good women. Never met any crazies; they may be on there but I didnt have a hard time weeding people out. 

The whole thing about con artists and their techniques-- paying to get their face in front of you-- just a bizarre concept. Never saw any indication of anything like this. Not even close. The worst I met was a woman who admitted to being divorced b/c she cheated on her ex husband and she was just a negative man using person anyway. it was pretty obvious, sooooo we only went out the one time. Pretty simple.


----------



## vi_bride04

I have a hard time getting dates with anyone intelligent from OLD. 

By that I mean self aware and eyes open of the corruption of society .... Everyone seems oblivious to anything that's not in the media.

Someone capable of critical thinking seems to be something of a dream to find


----------



## tripad

MRR said:


> you are way too focused on money. I have met several women on match and finances has never been brought up. do you actually talk about your income with people in real life?


I met a few money scammers . one literally ask me for money after texting for a week. 

N no I didn't mention my finances , other than I have a job .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

MRR said:


> My experiences have been similar. Mostly normal and overall good women. Never met any crazies; they may be on there but I didnt have a hard time weeding people out.
> 
> The whole thing about con artists and their techniques-- paying to get their face in front of you-- just a bizarre concept. Never saw any indication of anything like this. Not even close. The worst I met was a woman who admitted to being divorced b/c she cheated on her ex husband and she was just a negative man using person anyway. it was pretty obvious, sooooo we only went out the one time. Pretty simple.


I get money scammers and affairs seekers . many . 

The only real single divorced man is a little desperate to get into my house n I didn't even meet him .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

I'll throw into the OLD conversation. As I've said before, no regrets about the dates I had - I met some nice guys, and more importantly, learned a good deal about myself. I had shut my accounts down after the new year started, and had a weak moment a few weeks ago and re-joined. For me, I just don't come across the caliber of man I would like to find in the online arena. I truly do not think I am being too picky. I know I come across better in person, so I will keep trying in real life, even if the odds may not be as great. I've met two men in the last couple of weeks who both come closer to what I would like to find than anyone I've met online. 

Unfortunately, one of them lives across the country, and he travels a lot for work. Now, I tend to be a very open and honest person, and I let myself open up and be myself right after I establish a connection with someone (male or female). It's a blessing/curse about me. It gets me in situations where I trust early (like the guy who got married two weeks after we had amazing dates!). But at the same time, it's who I am, and I think speaks a lot about me as a person, so I don't really want to change. That said, I probably shouldn't even post about something that probably isn't anything, but I recently met a man when I was out of town for work (and so was he). We talked for hours after we met, and ended up spending quite a bit of time together during the short window we had. Best connection I have had in awhile. He may try to adjust his region so he will be in my area more often, which would be nice. My open and honest nature believes he will try to do that, and that he is really is the man he seems to be. I know the flags are there, too - if he travels often, and is as charismatic as he is, he probably meets women all the time. But I will let my heart guide me, with him and the other man I met, and see what happens. For me, right now, it's a risk with a better payoff than OLD.


----------



## RandomDude

Its on their match profile, earns 20-35k and they desire 150k+ as their ideal date.

I dont care about money but I sure as hell dont want to date gold diggers.

I dont understand how you find that so difficult to understand MRR. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Its on their match profile, earns 20-35k and they desire 150k+ as their ideal date.
> 
> I dont care about money but I sure as hell dont want to date gold diggers.
> 
> I dont understand how you find that so difficult to understand
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get it. I can't believe that women fill that in, to be honest. I don't show my income info, nor will I say what I am looking for. Personally, I find that tacky. I will be honest and say here that I do want a man who makes a decent living, but I am not a gold-digger. My marriage was nothing but tension about finances, and I hated it. I simply want to end up in a relationship where together, we have enough money to pay the bills and enjoy ourselves without stress. 

And frankly, while I make just enough to live comfortably, many of the men I see in OLD make less than I do.


----------



## RandomDude

50% is seriously depressing to find on match, no wonder 50% of all males "import" wives from outside my city if OLD stats give any indication of real life standards of the women here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GuyInColorado

I met my g/f on POF. It was a miracle, but so far things are looking promising. I hate that site with a passion though, so many flakes. We both deleted our profiles after dating for a couple weeks.

If I was to be single again, I'd give Match a try.


----------



## MRR

tripad said:


> I met a few money scammers . one literally ask me for money after texting for a week.
> 
> N no I didn't mention my finances , other than I have a job .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was referring to RD and his apparent fear that someone will only want him for his money. I am just wondering how it comes up so often that these women would KNOW he has money in order to want only money from him. It never comes up in my conversations with women and in dating situations. Never.


----------



## foolscotton3

My girl and me met when I had a free weekend on match.com, she was a subscriber and messaged me Dec 13th… I replied during the free weekend Dec 19th.

Best date I've had in years, YEARS!!!

Tomorrow she meets my parents and son (as a friend)


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> I was referring to RD and his apparent fear that someone will only want him for his money. I am just wondering how it comes up so often that these women would KNOW he has money in order to want only money from him. It never comes up in my conversations with women and in dating situations. Never.


So all the women you have dated never once asked you what you do for a living or ur career or judge you based on the car you drive or your financial plans for the future? You must be piving in utopia.

Money, work and career planning is considered of high importance by the women here in the city. They call it ensuring their future spouse has "financial stability".

When I was younger I was brushed off due to my meager income. After marriage women flock to me like locusts. This is my
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I'll throw into the OLD conversation. As I've said before, no regrets about the dates I had - I met some nice guys, and more importantly, learned a good deal about myself. I had shut my accounts down after the new year started, and had a weak moment a few weeks ago and re-joined. For me, I just don't come across the caliber of man I would like to find in the online arena. I truly do not think I am being too picky. I know I come across better in person, so I will keep trying in real life, even if the odds may not be as great. I've met two men in the last couple of weeks who both come closer to what I would like to find than anyone I've met online.
> 
> Unfortunately, one of them lives across the country, and he travels a lot for work. Now, I tend to be a very open and honest person, and I let myself open up and be myself right after I establish a connection with someone (male or female). It's a blessing/curse about me. It gets me in situations where I trust early (like the guy who got married two weeks after we had amazing dates!). But at the same time, it's who I am, and I think speaks a lot about me as a person, so I don't really want to change. That said, I probably shouldn't even post about something that probably isn't anything, but I recently met a man when I was out of town for work (and so was he). We talked for hours after we met, and ended up spending quite a bit of time together during the short window we had. Best connection I have had in awhile. He may try to adjust his region so he will be in my area more often, which would be nice. My open and honest nature believes he will try to do that, and that he is really is the man he seems to be. I know the flags are there, too - if he travels often, and is as charismatic as he is, he probably meets women all the time. But I will let my heart guide me, with him and the other man I met, and see what happens. For me, right now, it's a risk with a better payoff than OLD.


Too smooth . beware of affair seeker in foreign country /state far away from home /wife .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Damn... ******* is generating alot of conversations compared to match, and ******* is free! Match I already spent $130 on

Still waiting on my contract from the dating matchmaker... to be honest, if ******* gets me dates, I might pass on signing for the $2850. The main problem I have with it is the 12 month membership. I can't hold out that long. I want to burn out with the dates as fast as possible and either move on with my life or find someone worthwhile ASAP.


----------



## RandomDude

Hehe... it's because... I'M SEXY! 

Tell you what though, OLD sure is ego-inflating


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> I can't hold out that long. I want to burn out with the dates as fast as possible and either move on with my life or find someone worthwhile ASAP.



Why are you in a rush ?


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Damn... ******* is generating alot of conversations compared to match, and ******* is free! Match I already spent $130 on
> 
> Still waiting on my contract from the dating matchmaker... to be honest, if ******* gets me dates, I might pass on signing for the $2850. The main problem I have with it is the 12 month membership. I can't hold out that long. I want to burn out with the dates as fast as possible and either move on with my life or find someone worthwhile ASAP.


Beware . it is recurring till you write in . n there's a number of days notice required . I read also that they keep charging even after termination .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Last night my married neighbor hit on me. I'm very annoyed by this because I just moved here last summer, don't know anyone very well (including him, and I've never met his wife except on our neighborhood Facebook group), and now he's gone and created a weird dynamic. 

Does everyone who isn't divorced assume single moms are lonely and desperate? They're not!!


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> Last night my married neighbor hit on me. I'm very annoyed by this because I just moved here last summer, don't know anyone very well (including him, and I've never met his wife except on our neighborhood Facebook group), and now he's gone and created a weird dynamic.
> 
> Does everyone who isn't divorced assume single moms are lonely and desperate? They're not!!


Lol

Thought I am the only one with weird neigbours !!!!

Yes my dear neighbor tried on me too . crazy n ugly piece of **** . well he has the money n sports car though . well , I can sleep with the sports car but unfortunately I can never sleep with him .

Lol

But he tried , failed , n just remain cordial . 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Too smooth . beware of affair seeker in foreign country /state far away from home /wife .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I won't post in detail, but he was very trusting of me as well. I'm certain he's not married. Time will tell whether he was serious about wanting to see me again, despite the distance. That's the piece I'm waiting for now. If not, I still had a great time with him. No regrets there.


----------



## TooNice

SecondTime'Round said:


> Last night my married neighbor hit on me. I'm very annoyed by this because I just moved here last summer, don't know anyone very well (including him, and I've never met his wife except on our neighborhood Facebook group), and now he's gone and created a weird dynamic.
> 
> 
> 
> Does everyone who isn't divorced assume single moms are lonely and desperate? They're not!!




I have been shocked at the number of married men who have hit on me since I started dating. It's sad. I've told some of them to go home to their wives and fix what is broken. I've been on the other side of that one. I refuse to be the OW.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

TooNice said:


> I have been shocked at the number of married men who have hit on me since I started dating. It's sad. I've told some of them to go home to their wives and fix what is broken.* I've been on the other side of that one. I refuse to be the OW*.


That's what I said! He told me they're getting divorced. Who cares. I'm sure she doesn't know he's hitting on the neighbors.


----------



## RandomDude

spinsterdurga said:


> Why are you in a rush ?


So I can either find someone or give up sooner, its been affecting my work and I need it over and done with
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> So I can either find someone or give up sooner, its been affecting my work and I need it over and done with
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why even worry about being with someone??? Forget about it and focus on you and your daughter for the next 6 months-1 yr... Obviously it causes you alot of unneeded stress


----------



## foolscotton3

Don't pursue women, pursue money, and women will happen.

Obviously


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> So I can either find someone or give up sooner, its been affecting my work and I need it over and done with
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




No offense but you're so dramatic. Why is it affecting your work? Maybe you need to be alone for a while since you're apparently heartbroken over Ms Pony. 

It might a sign that you're not emotionally ready to date.


----------



## bravenewworld

Been texting a bit with new guy and he seems super cool. Plus the fact he is fine as hell doesn't hurt. Like RAWR. Haven't had a prospect that hot in a while. 

Funny story - the guy I had stopped seeing and was bummed over deleted all the pics he uploaded of him and his "new lady" on social media. He then went on a liking spree for all my photos. Nope. Nope. Nope. #byefelicia 

Thanks for the good advice Singles of TAM peeps. Starting to realize it's okay to be bummed, and hurt - but it's not the end of the world! Guess nothing really compares to the pain of divorce. Dusting myself off and moving on! (Easier to move on when there's a hottie at the end of the rainbow.)


----------



## bravenewworld

ne9907 said:


> Because I am a stubborn person. I have issues with control. I want to gain his complete approval (issues). I enjoy his company A LOT. He is so open/honest about everything. He is emotionally supportive most of the time. I like him.
> 
> 
> 
> We are not. However, I do not want him fvcking someone else... Lets be real here. He probably wouldn't want to anyway. He is tired most of the time.
> I consider myself an attractive person for some. Last week was his birthday, I took a couple of days off to be with him. On his birthday, I got up early.
> 
> I put on this skimpy outfit. Sexy short red school skirt (circa Britney Spears). Black stockings, high heels, and white tank top.
> I did my hair and make up.
> 
> I made his favorite breakfast wearing his sexy outfit. No sex. No dice. We had breakfast, then he was tired and took another nap. He has HUGE libido issues or he is lying and NOT attracted to me...
> 
> *I honestly rather NOT think about the situation because I KNOW he is bad for me, I know I should quit him, but I am NOT going to just yet. Eventually I will, just not now.*


The above makes me sad. Seems like a lot to go through to avoid being lonely. And since he doesn't seem to like making an effort or boinking you - you're kind of alone anyways.


----------



## bravenewworld

spinsterdurga said:


> No offense but you're so dramatic. Why is it affecting your work? Maybe you need to be alone for a while since you're apparently heartbroken over Ms Pony.
> 
> It might a sign that you're not emotionally ready to date.


Agreed. The only time this bs affected me at work is the ONE time I was dumb enough to hook up with someone I work with. 

I've often heard men say a woman is tempting them by wearing revealing clothing at work. Well dammit, us ladies can feel that way too! Don't be pulling up your shirt at work to show me your six-pack and not expect me to have certain feelings about it. #tricked #butitsmyowndamnfault


----------



## RandomDude

vi_bride04 said:


> Why even worry about being with someone??? Forget about it and focus on you and your daughter for the next 6 months-1 yr... Obviously it causes you alot of unneeded stress


that's the plan, I get it over and done with, satisfy the voices that tell me I haven't done enough to put myself out there and walla - back to my usual self



foolscotton3 said:


> Don't pursue women, pursue money, and women will happen.
> 
> Obviously


sure like that friend of mine I fked after miss pony, women are easy for me, soulmates is another



spinsterdurga said:


> No offense but you're so dramatic. Why is it affecting your work? Maybe you need to be alone for a while since you're apparently heartbroken over Ms Pony.
> 
> It might a sign that you're not emotionally ready to date.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Heartbroken? Meh, more disappointed in my love life especially when comparing it to all other aspects of my life. It's like a sore sight in an otherwise flawless space. Either I fix it, or I chip it off.

As for how it is affecting my work, I handle several departments by myself, with very little room for error. Every error I make, it snowballs, it affects everyone from my client to my team to our reputation. Yes I am human but that is not an excuse I can make. I need my concentration and focus. Right now I'm being harassed by voices insisting that I have not done enough in terms of my love life, that spills into my work life. I can't silence them by willpower alone. Only by action. So action I have taken. The result will bring me closure.

I know I can live without relationships, but I also know I do not want to regret. Giving it one last shot, enough to justify the voices that I've done everything I can, is the only solution I can think of, and already after making that decision, my performance has already improved.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> I have been shocked at the number of married men who have hit on me since I started dating. It's sad. I've told some of them to go home to their wives and fix what is broken. I've been on the other side of that one. I refuse to be the OW.


Can't trust a man who is cheating on his wife . because history repeats .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> That's what I said! He told me they're getting divorced. Who cares. I'm sure she doesn't know he's hitting on the neighbors.


It to justify his cheating . he can divorce n go after the woman . Many men said they are getting a divorce soon and they cheat . the divorce never happens .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Heartbroken? Meh, more disappointed in my love life especially when comparing it to all other aspects of my life. It's like a sore sight in an otherwise flawless space. Either I fix it, or I chip it off.
> 
> As for how it is affecting my work, I handle several departments by myself, with very little room for error. Every error I make, it snowballs, it affects everyone from my client to my team to our reputation. Yes I am human but that is not an excuse I can make. I need my concentration and focus. Right now I'm being harassed by voices insisting that I have not done enough in terms of my love life, that spills into my work life. I can't silence them by willpower alone. Only by action. So action I have taken. The result will bring me closure.
> 
> I know I can live without relationships, but I also know I do not want to regret. Giving it one last shot, enough to justify the voices that I've done everything I can, is the only solution I can think of, and already after making that decision, my performance has already improved.



It doesn't have to be the last shot . 

It doesn't have to be do or die .

Kinda drastic measures
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

When it comes to my crazy brain I need to use strong thoughts to counter balance the other, it's how I stay functional. One aspect of my brain is saying "fk it", another is going "last shot", another in the back end somewhere is going "hope for something special", how to shut them all up? The thought "do something about it!" Then comes another aspect "look how it's affecting your life negatively, you don't need this" and then another goes "but look what happened when you met someone special, look at what far you have come" then after several arguments with myself... 

This is the only way to SHUT my fking brain UP


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Heartbroken? Meh, more disappointed in my love life especially when comparing it to all other aspects of my life. It's like a sore sight in an otherwise flawless space. Either I fix it, or I chip it off.
> 
> 
> 
> As for how it is affecting my work, I handle several departments by myself, with very little room for error. Every error I make, it snowballs, it affects everyone from my client to my team to our reputation. Yes I am human but that is not an excuse I can make. I need my concentration and focus. Right now I'm being harassed by voices insisting that I have not done enough in terms of my love life, that spills into my work life. I can't silence them by willpower alone. Only by action. So action I have taken. The result will bring me closure.
> 
> 
> 
> I know I can live without relationships, but I also know I do not want to regret. Giving it one last shot, enough to justify the voices that I've done everything I can, is the only solution I can think of, and already after making that decision, my performance has already improved.




How about chilling for a bit. It's okay to "fail". Again you're being extremely dramatic. Relationships fail all the time. You need to get up, dust yourself and learn from your experience. 

Is this what you're going to teach your daughter when her first relationship doesn't work? I think you need to focus on your work and daughter until you heal. Dude, you need healing. 

Please STOP COMPARING YOUR LOVE LIFE to other people's. Everyone has their own journey.


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> When it comes to my crazy brain I need to use strong thoughts to counter balance the other, it's how I stay functional. One aspect of my brain is saying "fk it", another is going "last shot", another in the back end somewhere is going "hope for something special", how to shut them all up? The thought "do something about it!" Then comes another aspect "look how it's affecting your life negatively, you don't need this" and then another goes "but look what happened when you met someone special, look at what far you have come" then after several arguments with myself...
> 
> 
> 
> This is the only way to SHUT my fking brain UP




You can always seek counseling. You're taking it way too hard. 

You shut them up by accepting that it's OKAY for a relationship to end.


----------



## RandomDude

Sure it is, it's just not ok when my brain lacks peace and hence focus and hence mistakes which leads to me snowballing **** down the mountain destroying what I've worked SO FKING HARD to create


----------



## vi_bride04

There are no such things as soul mates, RD


----------



## tripad

Believe in soulmates . but losing hope .

Really hoping for a date , just bored n need an adult conversation , not desperste
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

@RandomDude
From your writings you seem a tad bit manic this last week. Which is alright, and perfectly normal, but... BUT!

Please don't make any decisions that have anything to do with relationships, not now, especially ones you know are going to fail.


----------



## tripad

Lol

Agree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I do what I have to do to get me through the week
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> That's what I said! He told me they're getting divorced. Who cares. I'm sure she doesn't know he's hitting on the neighbors.


WTF is wrong with some men? He sounds like my XH, after he moved out for our "trial" separation. He was hitting on every woman that he had ever found attractive during our marriage, but who was off-limits because of the old ball and chain (me).

They all turned him down. SMH.


----------



## RandomDude

42k  weeeeeeee! Making money again!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> 42k  weeeeeeee! Making money again!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gonna get all dressed up and take your daughter out for a date!?!?


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> 42k  weeeeeeee! Making money again!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Told ya . you can earn back the money .

Congrats
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> So all the women you have dated never once asked you what you do for a living or ur career or judge you based on the car you drive or your financial plans for the future? You must be piving in utopia.
> 
> Money, work and career planning is considered of high importance by the women here in the city. They call it ensuring their future spouse has "financial stability".
> 
> When I was younger I was brushed off due to my meager income. After marriage women flock to me like locusts. This is my
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Yes of course career and job come up. Income, finances? Pretty rare until you know someone very well and I drive a mini van and have never felt judged for it. I don't even think about this stuff in the context of dating and getting to know people. Unless they flat out don't work or do anything but that is another story.


----------



## MRR

foolscotton3 said:


> Gonna get all dressed up and take your daughter out for a date!?!?


Or better yet just date your money.


----------



## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> Gonna get all dressed up and take your daughter out for a date!?!?





tripad said:


> Told ya . you can back the money .
> 
> Congrats
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its only revenue and its still money in the middle lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sosotte

RD

Have you ever considered dating a different type of woman? For example, an older woman with her own business, or financially secure, who can nurture you and help you relax?


----------



## RandomDude

Sure, and I might be starting to relax about dating other single parents. Depends though, she has to be one hell of a lady for that... cant stand other ppls kids but who knows - ive never tried
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Look for the... bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife *whistles*
I mean the... bare necessities, old mother nature's recipes, that bring the bare necessities of life!

*dances* 

Ah I can't wait


----------



## ne9907

I did not tell the guy. I am not telling him. I have decided telling him is not worth MY sanity. 
Yes, I am being selfish, but I must be for my own good.


----------



## tripad

Hi

Lately I am dealing with my sympathy for my ex . I know he doesn't deserve it . but , still he is a person I had children with . He lost his job and started a venture . I am not sure how it does , n if he tries to get another job . but the children told me that he's driving a private cab now . a little demeaning for him , from a high level manager to a private cab . 

He doesn't pay support , even though it is a small amount , as he lost his job before my divorce settlement . I don't chase him until he pissed me off about something , like throwing a BBQ for his family . the ex in laws who screwed me . 

I pitied him . 

If he didn't screw us , we could have a better life . rather , he could have a better state now . Although my work is picking up nicely , n I don't need him to feed my kids , I am working my azz off . 

Somehow , I just wish that he didn't screw us , n if he had lost his job , I could have covered him. N if I am working my azz off , at least the kids had a parent at home . sigh . just felt bad for him . n for me n kids .

It is like the song , we could have it all .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

He has been asking the children about why I am not home at such late hours . my kids had been instructed not to reveal I am working , as I don't want him to know my jobs had picked up . 

He even asked about my car accident n if I am OK . I didn't reply .

He asked the children if I am OK .

I wonder why the sudden concern . 

Earlier , one years back , i had an operation shortly after the separation n he didn't even checked to see if I am dead or alive or if the kids are OK while I was in hospital . or if I needed help with the children while I was in the hospital .

Now the sudden concern for me ? I realize , I guess , he may regret now but only because he is down n out . 

Earlier on , when he still had his job , he was cursing me for not accepting his family who leeched me . n was happy doing his own things . 

It strikes me that he feels like he wants the family only when we serves his needs . this is what I told the marriage counselor earlier . 

I need to find a man who loves me , not because he needs me when he's down . but who loves me when he has the money too and who will spend on me .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

So, an update on Real Estate. Spent part of last weekend at his place--went our with him and a friend to a BDSM club on Friday night (the same one as before), and I stayed over at his place on Friday night, which he anticipated, because he had bought my favorite breakfast food for Saturday morning. (This is a man who keeps no food in his house.) 

The whole topic of whether or not we are dating came up again. I don't recall how, because I was not the one who brought it up. He made some comment about how we're going out, that we're seeing each other, that we're sort of dating... and I said, "You explicitly said that we're NOT dating." And he hemmed and hawed a little bit, and said, "Well, you know what I mean." And I just said, "Mmm-hmm," but I'm thinking, _You're realizing that maybe you were wrong about me and what's going on here, or maybe you're just scared of getting attached or being rejected, but either way I'm keeping my mouth shut and I'm going to be patient and see how this plays out._

It's becoming fairly obvious that he wants something more, but he's scared of what that means for him, that he'll have to change or give up his life or whatever. Which I totally get. My biggest fear of getting into a relationship is being trapped, and having someone take away my independence and my identity, and everything that I've worked so hard to reclaim about myself since my divorce. So, like I said, I'm going to be patient and wait to see how all this plays out. He may be right. We may have some fundamental compatibility issues. But maybe they're not actually that big. Maybe he's just using that as an excuse to keep things casual, as we haven't discussed any of these incompatibilities at length. It's easy to say, _it will never work out because of X, Y, and Z_, and then you feel safe, because you never get hurt if you never really _try_.

Oh, and Real Estate asked me to take him _shopping_. He said that recently, he thought that maybe he should start dressing differently because 1) age, and 2) work, so he ditched his Hawaiian shirts and started wearing sports jackets when showing houses. And he said it's made a big difference. But he doesn't know what else to do beyond that, so he wants me to take him _shopping_. As in, help him build an entirely new wardrobe. He said I have good taste, and he thinks it would be a good way for us to spend time together and get to know one another better outside of going out for drinks, or going to the club.

And he wants to help with with my wealth management, and planning to buy a condo.


----------



## foolscotton3

Whenever a man buys a new pair of leather shoes, he should also buy a matching belt and keep them together.


----------



## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> Whenever a man buys a new pair of leather shoes, he should also buy a matching belt and keep them together.


There's a little more than just a matching belt to go with the shoes, but that will definitely come into play


----------



## Acoa

FeministInPink said:


> There's a little more than just a matching belt to go with the shoes, but that will definitely come into play


Why do I feel like you are talking code?

Congrats on the recent developments with Real Estate. I know it's early on, but it sounds like you guys are going to have fun together.


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> I need to find a man who loves me , not because he needs me when he's down . but who loves me when he has the money too and who will spend on me .


Yup, someone who is fine on their own, but chooses to spend time with you because they want to.


----------



## bravenewworld

Acoa said:


> Yup, someone who is fine on their own, but chooses to spend time with you because they want to.


Firm agree. 

Every girl my ex-husband seriously dates winds up working (for free if their experience is like mine) as his right-hand at the company he owns. 

I think it would freak him out if someone had little interest in helping him achieve his personal goals. Which by the way, totally and only benefit him.


----------



## RandomDude

But but... I wanna date someone in finance who specialises in tax evasion!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> But but... I wanna date someone in finance who specialises in tax evasion!


Don't need to date one . she can squeal on you .

Pay one . she can't squeal on you since she's responsible for doing the job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Lol!

You've thought about this haven't you? Haha


----------



## tripad

Lol

Common street sense . bro . 

From growing up tough n rough , snakes left n right .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

ugh... 
another message from lovebombing fool, this time on FB. I made the mistake of answering, he sent a friend request. I sent me a message saying "I don't want to be your friend, please do not contact me again. I simply do not nor do I need your friendship." then I block him.

I really want nothing to do with him. He wasn't mean or bad, just too much too soon. 

Moral? Do not answer to an unwanted message because you are a nice person.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

ne9907 said:


> Moral? Do not answer to an unwanted message because you are a nice person.


I really struggle with this!!!!

I got married 20 years ago today. I'm not sad today, but not really sure how I feel (aside from relief he's out of my life and dreading next week's child support hearing).


----------



## tripad

Feeling melancholic . 

Yes . fending external snakes became easy . 

There's a Chinese proverbs , home thieves tough to guard against .

Yes , got bitten by my ex , someone you loved n trusted . n thought the feelings are reciprocated .

He contacted me , offered a raw deal .

I rejected but still I hate the legal fight . I hate to fight him like an enemy . but I have to guard my children's interest . no brainer's decision . 

But still , I hate it .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Not a man . offered no children maintenance . of course nothing offered for me .

Worse than a woman . turn the position over n I would offer a better deal to make sure my kids are well fed . 

Useless **** .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

SecondTime'Round said:


> I really struggle with this!!!!
> 
> I got married 20 years ago today. I'm not sad today, but not really sure how I feel (aside from relief he's out of my life and dreading next week's child support hearing).


Take it from me .

Always make sure child support is a bonus , not a necessity . 
N you will be fine .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

But I had a good dream last night . lol.

Dream my cute neighbor who seemed interested in me n vice versa but I rejected his invites simply because I wasn't ready . 

Lol . dreamt I had hot smooch from him . unfortunately , the alarm went off n I woke up . damn . hope the dream continues tonight . lol.

Hope it happens . 

Bah ! Think he got a woman now . saw a woman driving his car . too bad .

I must be thinking of a bf too much .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

I had a dream that a group of scientists were working on artificial intelligence and it became a self-aware nano-tech shapeshifting T-1000 style sex-bot! ...  (I have innocent thoughts in RL, I swear!)

Anyway, the AI even developed the ability to feel emotions, and questioned its meaning of life, one of the scientists fell in love with it, but did nothing, so feeling unloved the the AI ran away! The scientist chased after her, but not to capture her like the other scientists. He put up with ridicule along the way, but through that, he proved his lovey dovey to the sex-bot, and she awakened, and they were happy ever after.

... and I woke up going... WHAT THE FK!??!?!


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of which... it's got me thinking, maybe what happened with miss pony, she was just waiting for me to prove my lovey dovey to her... which errr, wasn't going to happen - I would not allow it unless I know we are sexual compatible, so in the end... meh

Bah! Oh fk it

Got 2 dates lined up, one tonight


----------



## RandomDude

Date tonight from *******
This is SO FKING WEIRD =/

Hell it's so awkward! It's not like offline where the rapport is already there WTF?!

*tries to calm down*
*wears his sexy shirt*
*shaves*

Hehe... still WTF?!

EDIT: Errr... WTF her voice doesn't match her face, got a bad feeling about tonight :S


----------



## foolscotton3

Her face might not match her face...

Welcome to OLD.


----------



## tripad

foolscotton3 said:


> Her face might not match her face...
> 
> Welcome to OLD.


ROFL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

My gf is obese , extremely , till she breathes very heavily . unkempt n 45 years . on OLD , she puts up her studio photo shot when she's 25 years and 1/3 her current weight n size !!!!

On her date night , the guy ordered food n excused himself to the toilet . N ESCAPED . my gf was left to foot the bill n she ATE UP TWO PLATES !!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> My gf is obese , extremely , till she breathes very heavily . unkempt n 45 years . on OLD , she puts up her studio photo shot when she's 25 years and 1/3 her current weight n size !!!!
> 
> On her date night , the guy ordered food n excused himself to the toilet . N ESCAPED . my gf was left to foot the bill n she ATE UP TWO PLATES !!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Was that a warning to RD? 

A lot of people in OLD will put up outdated photos (from when they were hot) and lie about their age, weight, income, etc... because they think it will get them more hits and more dates. 

But guess what? If a woman is filtering put everyone over 40, it's because she doesn't want to date someone over 40. If a man is filtering by a certain body type, he's not going to stick around when he meets you in person and finds out you lied on the profile. But people still do it, for some reason.


----------



## RandomDude

Well... date was errr, good. Very promising, good chemistry, looks better in person too actually. Actually, I have 3 more girls to take out then I think I'm going to relax with seeking out new matches. 4 is more than enough. Date tomorrow but the bar is quite high now (yeah, she's a really cool chick, had a really great time).


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Well... date was errr, good. Very promising, good chemistry, looks better in person too actually. Actually, I have 3 more girls to take out then I think I'm going to relax with seeking out new matches. 4 is more than enough. Date tomorrow but the bar is quite high now (yeah, she's a really cool chick, had a really great time).


Coming from the guy who insisted he could only meet women in real life. 

Glad to hear it. 

OLD, like all dating, is what you make of it. I recommend low expectations going in, as in, 'I don't plan on meeting the girl I will spend the rest of my life with, but MAYBE ill have a nice time'. When I signed up for match I literally did not think I would ever once meet anyone on there in person. I was on there for maybe 8 months and met probably 10-12 in person.


----------



## tripad

MRR said:


> Coming from the guy who insisted he could only meet women in real life.
> 
> Glad to hear it.
> 
> OLD, like all dating, is what you make of it. I recommend low expectations going in, as in, 'I don't plan on meeting the girl I will spend the rest of my life with, but MAYBE ill have a nice time'. When I signed up for match I literally did not think I would ever once meet anyone on there in person. I was on there for maybe 8 months and met probably 10-12 in person.




Why didn't I meet anyone ?
Most just straight forward asked for sex .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> I had a dream that a group of scientists were working on artificial intelligence and it became a self-aware nano-tech shapeshifting T-1000 style sex-bot! ...  (I have innocent thoughts in RL, I swear!)
> 
> Anyway, the AI even developed the ability to feel emotions, and questioned its meaning of life, one of the scientists fell in love with it, but did nothing, so feeling unloved the the AI ran away! The scientist chased after her, but not to capture her like the other scientists. He put up with ridicule along the way, but through that, he proved his lovey dovey to the sex-bot, and she awakened, and they were happy ever after.
> 
> ... and I woke up going... WHAT THE FK!??!?!



haha
sounds like the movie "Ex Machina"


----------



## ne9907

I always enjoyed OLD. Men would normally look the same or better in person.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Well... date was errr, good. Very promising, good chemistry, looks better in person too actually. Actually, I have 3 more girls to take out then I think I'm going to relax with seeking out new matches. 4 is more than enough. Date tomorrow but the bar is quite high now (yeah, she's a really cool chick, had a really great time).


Honestly , I will be happy with one good date . not sex . don't have to marry me . just good time togethe . 

Most just ask for sex . guess they want sex on the table before they even pay for coffee .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Well... date was errr, good. Very promising, good chemistry, looks better in person too actually. Actually, I have 3 more girls to take out then I think I'm going to relax with seeking out new matches. 4 is more than enough. Date tomorrow but the bar is quite high now (yeah, she's a really cool chick, had a really great time).


What site are you on ? 

Did you put high income so you get that many hits ?

Why did I only get perverts ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Honestly , I will be happy with one good date . not sex . don't have to marry me . just good time togethe .
> 
> Most just ask for sex . guess they want sex on the table before they even pay for coffee .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





tripad said:


> What site are you on ?
> 
> Did you put high income so you get that many hits ?
> 
> Why did I only get perverts ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How long have you been OLD Tripad?

What does your profile read?

What sort of man are you looking for?

What type of photos do you post on your profile?


----------



## TooNice

I think there is always a flurry of activity when you first sign up. I rejoined OkC and had lots of activity the first two weeks. It's slowing down some now. Still no live dates-just lots of conversations. And yes, most of the ones that I would consider in my interest area are wondering if I am interested in FWB. The rest of them are men I won't even respond to.

So... My profile will be deleted again soon. I'm looking for an actual relationship, and OLD in my area is not the place for me to find that right now.


~Just breathe.


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> haha
> sounds like the movie "Ex Machina"


Oh what? It's already a movie? lol and there goes the magic...



tripad said:


> Honestly , I will be happy with one good date . not sex . don't have to marry me . just good time togethe .





tripad said:


> What site are you on ?
> 
> Did you put high income so you get that many hits ?
> 
> Why did I only get perverts ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*******, and no way! lol
I want to avoid gold diggers not attract them! 

My date said the exact thing about OLD actually, seems she's been waiting for some time for someone decent.

Didn't take me very long!


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> How long have you been OLD Tripad?
> 
> What does your profile read?
> 
> What sort of man are you looking for?
> 
> What type of photos do you post on your profile?


9 months around there .

Short profile . didn't bother to write much . didn't want to reveal much . just employed , divorced , kids stay with me , independent , sporty , love music read sports travel . mention not looking for casual sex . looking for a man who can relate and get along with .

Photos , nice sweet face , no body . can pm your the pic . 

N most ask for sex or money scammers . once a man lamented his gf didn't give him a room so he broke up with her !!!! Told him to find his mum for the room :surprise::surprise:

So guess I am a little sharp tongue there .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Oh what? It's already a movie? lol and there goes the magic...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *******, and no way! lol
> I want to avoid gold diggers not attract them!
> 
> My date said the exact thing about OLD actually, seems she's been waiting for some time for someone decent.
> 
> Didn't take me very long!


Strange I am getting the bad hits . 

Well one is real n genuine but too desperate to get into my house to cook for me on my first date n I guess my panties after so I cut off completely .

He was pissed 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

Tripad, do you reach out to men online?


~Just breathe.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> Tripad, do you reach out to men online?
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


No

They reached out n I responded . 

But I wonder if they could have been auto pushed out to me by the date site .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Strange I am getting the bad hits .
> 
> Well one is real n genuine but too desperate to get into my house to cook for me on my first date n I guess my panties after so I cut off completely .
> 
> He was pissed
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I only had 1 date, so who knows, maybe things may not work out, I'll see if she gets through dates 2 and 3, she's been ticking boxes so far though, but alot of boxes left to go.

Still, my date seems to have a similar story as yours. It never got her down though, she laughs about it, and I liked that about her.


----------



## Hoosier

Change of topic for a second.

I have been divorced 4.5 years, after a 30 year marriage, that ended when she ran off with a mutual friend. 

Now my 25 year old daughter is getting married next month. I told her back in November that I wanted her to invite who ever she wanted (I had told my girls previously that anything that involved my xw and the POSOM would not involve me) that if she wanted to invite her mother and Bruce I would be able to handle it with no problem. (and after 4 years I think it is finally true). Come to find out (my kids and I do not discuss their mother) my xw has not even met my daughters fiance'! They have been living together for two years, I guess my daughter and her mother have not been communicating all this time! I knew things were strained but didn't know this bad. Anyway, my daughter called her mother, said "I want you to come to wedding, but if you are coming, I want to get with you first so you can meet fiance' before the wedding." They agreeded that my daughter would drive the two hours up from Indy (although her mother and POSOM do not work) after work for dinner. Seems it did not go well as I received a text the next day informing me that "J" (her mothers name, not "Mom") is not coming to the wedding. That she doesn't want pity, just informing me that her mother will not be in attendance.

I admit, I am very happy to be outside this drama, I have nothing in it at all (although I am sure to be blamed by the xw) not involved. But do I talk to my daughter about it? I worry that then I will be sucked into the situation, but want to do whats best for my daughter. Your opinions please (that I may or may not follow).
Thanks in advance.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hoosier said:


> Change of topic for a second.
> 
> I have been divorced 4.5 years, after a 30 year marriage, that ended when she ran off with a mutual friend.
> 
> Now my 25 year old daughter is getting married next month. I told her back in November that I wanted her to invite who ever she wanted (I had told my girls previously that anything that involved my xw and the POSOM would not involve me) that if she wanted to invite her mother and Bruce I would be able to handle it with no problem. (and after 4 years I think it is finally true). Come to find out (my kids and I do not discuss their mother) my xw has not even met my daughters fiance'! They have been living together for two years, I guess my daughter and her mother have not been communicating all this time! I knew things were strained but didn't know this bad. Anyway, my daughter called her mother, said "I want you to come to wedding, but if you are coming, I want to get with you first so you can meet fiance' before the wedding." They agreeded that my daughter would drive the two hours up from Indy (although her mother and POSOM do not work) after work for dinner. Seems it did not go well as I received a text the next day informing me that "J" (her mothers name, not "Mom") is not coming to the wedding. That she doesn't want pity, just informing me that her mother will not be in attendance.
> 
> I admit, I am very happy to be outside this drama, I have nothing in it at all (although I am sure to be blamed by the xw) not involved. But do I talk to my daughter about it? I worry that then I will be sucked into the situation, but want to do whats best for my daughter. Your opinions please (that I may or may not follow).
> Thanks in advance.


Wow, that really sucks for your daughter!  I would check in with her to see how she is doing with everything, just to make sure she's ok...but don't get involved. That mess is between the two of them. I don't know which of them came to that decision, but its best just to let it lie.


----------



## tripad

Hoosier

She's an adult . She can decide . n got to live with her decision . 

If she ask you for input , give your insight . not decision . 

It is her wedding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

Hoosier said:


> Change of topic for a second.
> 
> I have been divorced 4.5 years, after a 30 year marriage, that ended when she ran off with a mutual friend.
> 
> Now my 25 year old daughter is getting married next month. I told her back in November that I wanted her to invite who ever she wanted (I had told my girls previously that anything that involved my xw and the POSOM would not involve me) that if she wanted to invite her mother and Bruce I would be able to handle it with no problem. (and after 4 years I think it is finally true). Come to find out (my kids and I do not discuss their mother) my xw has not even met my daughters fiance'! They have been living together for two years, I guess my daughter and her mother have not been communicating all this time! I knew things were strained but didn't know this bad. Anyway, my daughter called her mother, said "I want you to come to wedding, but if you are coming, I want to get with you first so you can meet fiance' before the wedding." They agreeded that my daughter would drive the two hours up from Indy (although her mother and POSOM do not work) after work for dinner. Seems it did not go well as I received a text the next day informing me that "J" (her mothers name, not "Mom") is not coming to the wedding. That she doesn't want pity, just informing me that her mother will not be in attendance.
> 
> I admit, I am very happy to be outside this drama, I have nothing in it at all (although I am sure to be blamed by the xw) not involved. But do I talk to my daughter about it? I worry that then I will be sucked into the situation, but want to do whats best for my daughter. Your opinions please (that I may or may not follow).
> Thanks in advance.


She told you no pity, honor that. She was living with someone for 2 years and her Mom never met the guy? Sounds like your daughter put up her own boundaries with her Mom. Good for her. Sad? yes, but important. 

One option would be to not bring it up again. If you do, I'd leave it at, "thanks for letting me know. I'm here if you need anything." Then drop it. 

There are some traditional 'mother of the bride' things you may want to pay attention to. Some stuff like helping pick out a dress might be difficult for a Dad. Without saying specifically why, you may want to offer to hire a 'wedding coordinator' for her. Someone who can help her with picking dresses, and plan location and decor.


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> No
> 
> They reached out n I responded .
> 
> But I wonder if they could have been auto pushed out to me by the date site .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A lot of the 'predatory men' aggressively message every pretty picture they see. They are not interested in a quality woman, they are interested in a willing one (or one they can manipulate). 

Don't be afraid to reach out to men. Two of my better dates from OLD came from woman who reach out to me first. In fact my current GF was from Match and she messaged me first. 

I think woman have better pickers than men. They just usually don't use them. They wait for men to approach them first, so they miss opportunities.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hoosier said:


> Change of topic for a second.
> 
> I have been divorced 4.5 years, after a 30 year marriage, that ended when she ran off with a mutual friend.
> 
> Now my 25 year old daughter is getting married next month. I told her back in November that I wanted her to invite who ever she wanted (I had told my girls previously that anything that involved my xw and the POSOM would not involve me) that if she wanted to invite her mother and Bruce I would be able to handle it with no problem. (and after 4 years I think it is finally true). Come to find out (my kids and I do not discuss their mother) my xw has not even met my daughters fiance'! They have been living together for two years, I guess my daughter and her mother have not been communicating all this time! I knew things were strained but didn't know this bad. Anyway, my daughter called her mother, said "I want you to come to wedding, but if you are coming, I want to get with you first so you can meet fiance' before the wedding." They agreeded that my daughter would drive the two hours up from Indy (although her mother and POSOM do not work) after work for dinner. Seems it did not go well as I received a text the next day informing me that "J" (her mothers name, not "Mom") is not coming to the wedding. That she doesn't want pity, just informing me that her mother will not be in attendance.
> 
> I admit, I am very happy to be outside this drama, I have nothing in it at all (although I am sure to be blamed by the xw) not involved. But do I talk to my daughter about it? I worry that then I will be sucked into the situation, but want to do whats best for my daughter. Your opinions please (that I may or may not follow).
> Thanks in advance.


I'll just chime in that I agree with the other posters here. Don't get involved, or try to solve the problem, but ask her if she's OK. Try to do as much of the typical "mother of the bride" stuff as you can, and offer as much help as you can.

Planning a wedding us a HUGE undertaking, and there is a LOT of work involved. I loved doing it, but I was incredibly stressed out when I was planning mine, because no one except my BFF/MOH would help me. I asked my mom for help, and she said she would; I gave her specific things, and they never got done. Classic passive aggressive b!tch behavior (that's my mom!), and my fiance did the exact same thing. (There's a reason we're divorced now.) And my future MIL was also completely useless. When I called my BFF crying over all of this, she jumped in and picked up all the pieces, doing everything she could from her city several states away, making several road trips to help me. I couldn't have done it without her. 

So don't just check in with her once--check in with her multiple times. She doesn't want your pity, but she does want your love and support.


----------



## tripad

Acoa said:


> A lot of the 'predatory men' aggressively message every pretty picture they see. They are not interested in a quality woman, they are interested in a willing one (or one they can manipulate).
> 
> Don't be afraid to reach out to men. Two of my better dates from OLD came from woman who reach out to me first. In fact my current GF was from Match and she messaged me first.
> 
> I think woman have better pickers than men. They just usually don't use them. They wait for men to approach them first, so they miss opportunities.


 Maybe you are right . 

That may be the reason I get two types of men from OLD

One type who calls me pretty , beautiful n then stray towards hinting of sex n who either drop me when I mention I don't do casual sex or they try to persuade a meetup to decide . 

Second are those who ask if I am busy and ask for money loan. 

I will try a little more next week .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Maybe you are right .
> 
> That may be the reason I get two types of men from OLD
> 
> One type who calls me* pretty , beautiful n then stray towards hinting of sex *n who either drop me when I mention I don't do casual sex or they try to persuade a meetup to decide .
> 
> Second are those who ask if* I am busy and ask for money loan*.
> 
> I will try a little more next week .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For those men who tell you right off the bat that you are pretty and beautiful, if you are not attracted to them. Do not respond.
If you find them attractive, be straightforward and say something like "I know I am pretty, thank you. I am looking for a serious relationship if that is not what you are looking for, good luck"

Those men who ask for loans, do not reply and report them.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> For those men who tell you right off the bat that you are pretty and beautiful, if you are not attracted to them. Do not respond.
> 
> If you find them attractive, be straightforward and say something like "I know I am pretty, thank you. I am looking for a serious relationship if that is not what you are looking for, good luck"
> 
> 
> 
> Those men who ask for loans, do not reply and report them.




Exactly. I think I am very good at ignoring the trolls. They are usually widowers, have poor grammar, don't live near me, and have very handsome pictures. (That sounds awful of me when I spell it out like that, but it's true.) 

My issue is more with men I know are real and mostly honest... We share a few nice messages... And then they ask me if I'm interested in FWB. At least they are usually respectful and wish me luck when I decline. Is it sad that I'm happy to get that much out of them?  

I've said it before, but many people would be off of that site if they'd just open themselves a little. Fun is fun, but they are likely missing out on some great options. (Like me!)


----------



## Hoosier

Thanks for the responses. I do check in with my daughter all the time, probably communicate 3-4 times a week with her. (same with all 3 of my daughters, one in Florida, one in California, and the youngest in Indiana) we joke that I hear either text or call from two of the three probably every day. 

As for the dress, I already attended the dress buying party. Me and like 8 other women for my daughter and about 5 brides trying on dress, each with a large entrourage! I was only guy in the room, heck only guy probably on the block! I almost died from all the estrogen! lol

My gut was pretty good telling me to stay away. I will be having dinner with them Sat and will not bring it up. I am pretty confident that if she needs me she will let me know, she is very smart and a good head on her shoulders. I will trust that she will let me know if there is anything I can do. 
I believe the issue is that the POSOM basically controls the xw. She has no cell phone, no land line, and no internet in the house. You want to talk to her, call him and he will put her on the line..... not joking.


----------



## TooNice

Hoosier said:


> Thanks for the responses. I do check in with my daughter all the time, probably communicate 3-4 times a week with her. (same with all 3 of my daughters, one in Florida, one in California, and the youngest in Indiana) we joke that I hear either text or call from two of the three probably every day.
> 
> 
> 
> As for the dress, I already attended the dress buying party. Me and like 8 other women for my daughter and about 5 brides trying on dress, each with a large entrourage! I was only guy in the room, heck only guy probably on the block! I almost died from all the estrogen! lol
> 
> 
> 
> My gut was pretty good telling me to stay away. I will be having dinner with them Sat and will not bring it up. I am pretty confident that if she needs me she will let me know, she is very smart and a good head on her shoulders. I will trust that she will let me know if there is anything I can do.
> 
> I believe the issue is that the POSOM basically controls the xw. She has no cell phone, no land line, and no internet in the house. You want to talk to her, call him and he will put her on the line..... not joking.




Wow...your daughters are lucky to have you. A good role model of how a man should treat a woman. How sad that their mother is in that controlling of a relationship- that must be hard to see, even given the history. 

Keep taking the high road and just be a good dad. That's the best thing you can do!


----------



## tripad

Hoosier said:


> Thanks for the responses. I do check in with my daughter all the time, probably communicate 3-4 times a week with her. (same with all 3 of my daughters, one in Florida, one in California, and the youngest in Indiana) we joke that I hear either text or call from two of the three probably every day.
> 
> As for the dress, I already attended the dress buying party. Me and like 8 other women for my daughter and about 5 brides trying on dress, each with a large entrourage! I was only guy in the room, heck only guy probably on the block! I almost died from all the estrogen! lol
> 
> My gut was pretty good telling me to stay away. I will be having dinner with them Sat and will not bring it up. I am pretty confident that if she needs me she will let me know, she is very smart and a good head on her shoulders. I will trust that she will let me know if there is anything I can do.
> I believe the issue is that the POSOM basically controls the xw. She has no cell phone, no land line, and no internet in the house. You want to talk to her, call him and he will put her on the line..... not joking.


Sweet to hear you are at dress buying party . 

Many kisses from your girls I am sure .

Your ex left you for that controlling fellow . no phone ! She's really stupid . 

You will have a better woman coming along . Even if not , you have three beautiful lovely women in your life who love you the dearest . your daughters .

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Hoosier said:


> I believe the issue is that the POSOM basically controls the xw. She has no cell phone, no land line, and no internet in the house. You want to talk to her, call him and he will put her on the line..... not joking.


:surprise:

:rofl: .... wow!


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Hoosier said:


> I believe the issue is that the POSOM basically controls the xw. She has no cell phone, no land line, and no internet in the house. You want to talk to her, call him and he will put her on the line..... not joking.


Well, he's in a relationship with a proven cheater! Of course he has to control her every move because he KNOWS what could happen if he doesn't!


----------



## RandomDude

Cause n effect, n hes probably cheating on her too lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## foolscotton3

tripad said:


> My gf is obese , extremely , till she breathes very heavily . unkempt n 45 years . on OLD , she puts up her studio photo shot when she's 25 years and 1/3 her current weight n size !!!!
> 
> On her date night , the guy ordered food n excused himself to the toilet . N ESCAPED . my gf was left to foot the bill n she ATE UP TWO PLATES !!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hear those stories a lot.

If all her pics have more cleavage than face; she's a big girl.

All face no body shot; big girl.

Chin down shots; double chin.

Pictures of pictures; she looks way older.


----------



## tripad

foolscotton3 said:


> I hear those stories a lot.
> 
> If all her pics have more cleavage than face; she's a big girl.
> 
> All face no body shot; big girl.
> 
> Chin down shots; double chin.
> 
> Pictures of pictures; she looks way older.


Hey 

Not all true 

Mine is all face . because I don't want the man to drool over my body 0

N you can it is a face with a standard size body . in fact sharp chin line so indicate slender body .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Hot photos get more responses no? We men are visual creatures remember? It all starts with physical attraction. Some call it shallow but if there's no physical attraction I would be just wasting my time and her time, I'd rather she goes find someone who does find her attractive.

You don't have to put photos showing skin, but fully clothed would be great, shows your taste in fashion as well.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> So don't just check in with her once--check in with her multiple times. She doesn't want your pity, but she does want your love and support.


Yes. This.


----------



## RandomDude

Ok... so, new date, went rather bad. Not happy with the difference between photo and real life. My "promising" first date from last night seems to be meh tonight as well, texted her once, no reply, called her, didn't pick up. So going to abandon her too. Still, the silence of my first date is distressing, as I should have seen it coming, trying to figure out how I didn't pick up any signs that she was the type of person who would do that :scratchhead:

I'll give her until tomorrow otherwise deleting her number / fb (if she wishes to ignore me why add me on fb - and I'm still friended)... it's not making any sense =/

My inability to pick this up is very worrying, normally I'm able to...

Still got two more dates to get through next week - unless they call it quits, but if my intuition is THIS fked?


----------



## RandomDude

*sigh* And I had to break up with miss pony...

Seriously if this "photoshopper" and "ghoster" represent the quality I should expect from women in online dating, then I should stick offline, at least I actually met women worth dating for a short time.


----------



## Bananapeel

RandomDude said:


> Ok... so, new date, went rather bad. Not happy with the difference between photo and real life.


If this happens again tell her that she doesn't look like her pictures and then get up and leave. It's not worth wasting your time on someone that starts off with dishonesty, and it's fine to have standards that doesn't tolerate that crap.


----------



## RandomDude

As much as I hate calling myself one, im a gentleman.

anyway date #1 called me back, guess shes not a ghoster... if she was I would be extremely worried. I live and die by the trust I put in my instincts. If I fail to pick up anything its like losing the ONLY thing in my life I ultimately trust
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Well that was a long conversation... my instincts were correct, she is promising.

*phew* thank the heavens
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Should I give a man my phone number when he ask so we can what's app after two email from OLD ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

foolscotton3 said:


> I hear those stories a lot.
> 
> If all her pics have more cleavage than face; she's a big girl.
> 
> All face no body shot; big girl.
> 
> Chin down shots; double chin.
> 
> Pictures of pictures; she looks way older.


haha!

I normally put one full length photo because I want the men to know I am short!

My face is beautiful. My body is acceptable and some men like my kind of body.

Anyway, once a guy (on a date) said "I thought you would be taller"

I replied " I can leave, not a problem"

He probably did not see my full length photos. 
People are strange anyway.


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Should I give a man my phone number when he ask so we can what's app after two email from OLD ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hmmmm, normally would say yes, however you seem to have bad luck attracting people who just want to talk about sex or ask for money so no.

Tell him you would rather wait and tell him why.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I normally have like 40+ messages before I invite the lady out... once I'm confident the rapport is good, not like only after 2 emails

Speaking of which I seem to have got myself into a bit of a multi-dating crisis, unlike miss pony who I dated exclusively off the bat, now I have three potentials. The first one, who called me back - she had a valid reason for not returning my call earlier, is a good match, same wavelength, she cracks me up lol, looks-wise though, she's pretty, but not really my type physically - yet with her personality I know if I allow myself to have feelings for her, she can become very beautiful in my eyes. Second one, still to date, exchanged 80+ messages now, she has alot of depth, and is stunningly attractive. Third one, also still-to-date, looks-wise she's ok, body is great though, and personality also intriguing.

I had a talk with date #1, she's not dating anyone else. She said she doesnt have a problem with multi-dating, but quite frankly, I don't usually multi-date but I am finding it hard to let go of the other two until I'm sure about date #1, but I did tell her I'm not looking for anymore matches, and that's the truth. I think this is as much as I can handle for now.

But... how to choose?


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Ey? I normally have like 40+ messages before I invite the lady out... once I'm confident the rapport is good, not like only after 2 emails
> 
> Speaking of which I seem to have got myself into a bit of a multi-dating crisis, unlike miss pony who I dated exclusively off the bat, now I have three potentials. The first one, who called me back - she had a valid reason for not returning my call earlier, is a good match, same wavelength, she cracks me up lol, looks-wise though, she's pretty, but not really my type physically - yet with her personality I know if I allow myself to have feelings for her, she can become very beautiful in my eyes. Second one, still to date, exchanged 80+ messages now, she has alot of depth, and is stunningly attractive. Third one, also still-to-date, looks-wise she's ok, body is great though, and personality also intriguing.
> 
> I had a talk with date #1, she's not dating anyone else. She said she doesnt have a problem with multi-dating, but quite frankly, I don't usually multi-date but I am finding it hard to let go of the other two until I'm sure about date #1, but I did tell her I'm not looking for anymore matches, and that's the truth. I think this is as much as I can handle for now.
> 
> But... how to choose?




RD, you just summed up exactly why I think OLD is killing the dating scene. I've told married friends that it's not like when we were younger. You met someone, exchanged numbers, and you dated that person. Now, when I do go on a date with someone, I assume he is at the very least chatting with several other women, if not going on dates. 

I still maintain that OLD has its virtues, but I'm tapped out for the time being. It's exhausting. I am holding out hope that I can meet a man worthy of giving each other our full attention while we get to know one another. (I know, I'm a sap.) 

Good luck with the ones you have found so far-sounds like you have some good potential!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Ey? I normally have like 40+ messages before I invite the lady out... once I'm confident the rapport is good, not like only after 2 emails
> 
> Speaking of which I seem to have got myself into a bit of a multi-dating crisis, unlike miss pony who I dated exclusively off the bat, now I have three potentials. The first one, who called me back - she had a valid reason for not returning my call earlier, is a good match, same wavelength, she cracks me up lol, looks-wise though, she's pretty, but not really my type physically - yet with her personality I know if I allow myself to have feelings for her, she can become very beautiful in my eyes. Second one, still to date, exchanged 80+ messages now, she has alot of depth, and is stunningly attractive. Third one, also still-to-date, looks-wise she's ok, body is great though, and personality also intriguing.
> 
> I had a talk with date #1, she's not dating anyone else. She said she doesnt have a problem with multi-dating, but quite frankly, I don't usually multi-date but I am finding it hard to let go of the other two until I'm sure about date #1, but I did tell her I'm not looking for anymore matches, and that's the truth. I think this is as much as I can handle for now.
> 
> But... how to choose?


Move on n see who you feel better with ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> RD, you just summed up exactly why I think OLD is killing the dating scene. I've told married friends that it's not like when we were younger. You met someone, exchanged numbers, and you dated that person. Now, when I do go on a date with someone, I assume he is at the very least chatting with several other women, if not going on dates.
> 
> I still maintain that OLD has its virtues, but I'm tapped out for the time being. It's exhausting. I am holding out hope that I can meet a man worthy of giving each other our full attention while we get to know one another. (I know, I'm a sap.)
> 
> Good luck with the ones you have found so far-sounds like you have some good potential!


Thought it is wise to multi date . don't waste precious time . when the right one appears , you will know . 

I would do the same
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

They are all ticking boxes, dunno about #3 though, then again I haven't talked to #3 much, she's in back-burner  
Date #1 's real competition is #2, what #2 has over #1 is more depth, but less humor, but she's more attractive to me - as she's taller, I like my long legs. But I haven't met #2 yet, maybe #2 would be like my date tonight... bleh!

So far, #1 has peaked my interest


----------



## GuyInColorado

My ex is 4'11. My g/f is 5'7. Taller is definitely better! Those legs! Plus having her closer to eye contact is so much better.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> *sigh* And I had to break up with miss pony...
> 
> Seriously if this "photoshopper" and "ghoster" represent the quality I should expect from women in online dating, then I should stick offline, at least I actually met women worth dating for a short time.


I would text a girl the day after a first meet, _"hey, I had a good time, let's keep in touch, I'd like to go on a date with you sometime."_

Then don't contact her for 3-5 days.

That way she has time to think about if she is even going to respond or not, otherwise you put her on the spot with the expectation that she needs to be communicating with you daily, and if she's dating a few guys, or talking to more than 2, that can be exhausting.


----------



## tripad

Guys 

Do i give my tel number ?

This guy from match email me 3x n ask for tel to further message each other .

Thing is this guy is from London ( that's what he says )

N I am in Singapore . don't like long distance .

But he's from oxford uni , hmmm , brainy man , I like . but looks 4/10 .

😑

Why can't brains n looks go tog ? A little of both you know . 

Sooooooo

Do I give tel ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

My worry is


With tel , can he hack my tel n steal password into my accounts as I do some transactions over phone ?

In case this guy is another scammer .

Omg I am getting paranoid 



_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> My worry is
> 
> 
> With tel , can he hack my tel n steal password into my accounts as I do some transactions over phone ?
> 
> In case this guy is another scammer .
> 
> Omg I am getting paranoid
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Don't give him your number. He is in London. Why bother. Actually, stop talking to him altogether.

Why do men from other countries approach you? If I were you, I would not answer to anyone who is NOT local


----------



## tripad

Yup..

Drop that guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Why do men from other countries approach you? If I were you, I would not answer to anyone who is NOT local


Yellow fever 
"I like asian women with their tight p----! I like Asian women because they are submissive!" etc etc, its very common among Australian men too lol

Anyway tripad get off match, try *******


----------



## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> I would text a girl the day after a first meet, _"hey, I had a good time, let's keep in touch, I'd like to go on a date with you sometime."_
> 
> Then don't contact her for 3-5 days.
> 
> That way she has time to think about if she is even going to respond or not, otherwise you put her on the spot with the expectation that she needs to be communicating with you daily, and if she's dating a few guys, or talking to more than 2, that can be exhausting.


I read somewhere that women expect men to initiate contact 1-3 days otherwise they will assume they are not interested, hence I called her. I wanted her to know that I was interested. In the end she called me back so yay. If she really ghosted me I would be very troubled because my instincts didn't pick up ANYTHING - so instincts were right in the end and I was just thinking too much.


----------



## tripad

Hey 

I think it is confirm that my cute neighbour has a gf now . hmmm . sad though . when he ask me out , I didn't accept as I was in the midst of divorce . 

Well , we may not work out anyway . it seems this current gf and him are doing lots of activities tog which I will never do . And it seems he may have left his kids pretty much to his ex now , when he used to be the doting single dad . well , the new gf , she's single n swinging while I am single mum who needs to earn money to feed my kids . well , he may be carried away with the swinging single life now . it will never work for me anyhow . for me , my kids n works ( money ) is priority first . 

N my ex lately seems to be asking the kids about my whereabouts . maybe regrets . but only when he's down n out . no deal .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Actually if he has the money , still no deal . he hit me .

But there was a time I love him and did anything to save the marriage . 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Argh tripad, you seem to go round and round in circles around the SAME men

You need some fresh new romance in your life!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Yellow fever
> "I like asian women with their tight p----! I like Asian women because they are submissive!" etc etc, its very common among Australian men too lol
> 
> Anyway tripad get off match, try *******





RandomDude said:


> Argh tripad, you seem to go round and round in circles around the SAME men
> 
> You need some fresh new romance in your life!


 I know . need new exposure . no time no exposure to new men .

So far he's the few exposure that's cute n I can imagine waking up to . 

Got to take time to go gym class or Muay Thai to meet guys .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> I think it is confirm that my cute neighbour has a gf now . hmmm . sad though . when he ask me out , I didn't accept as I was in the midst of divorce .
> 
> Well , we may not work out anyway . it seems this current gf and him are doing lots of activities tog which I will never do . And it seems he may have left his kids pretty much to his ex now , when he used to be the doting single dad . well , the new gf , she's single n swinging while I am single mum who needs to earn money to feed my kids . well , he may be carried away with the swinging single life now . it will never work for me anyhow . for me , my kids n works ( money ) is priority first .
> 
> N my ex lately seems to be asking the kids about my whereabouts . maybe regrets . but only when he's down n out . no deal .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I KNOW my neighbor has a girlfriend. A few months ago a package from a new comforter and sheets set blew across the street and up to my front door. Then we saw his friend helping him with a new mattress. A short time later there was a nice blue car and a cute redhead in his driveway. I like that he planned in advance, it's not like he just dragged home someone he met at a bar. But, that's not for me, I can't imagine sleeping over at anyone's house now, or bringing anyone home. But, I'm finding more and more men that I like and can relate to, having made that decision that going down that path does definitely not work for me. Which is paradoxical but also true. Making compromises to my core beliefs in the spirit of being realistic, and over-catering to what we're told is a basic need for men (I question this now, because I'm meeting people for whom it is not a basic need in dating) was driving a wedge between myself and my beliefs. For me there is no middle ground, no exceptions to the rule, that would turn out well.


----------



## tripad

Hi TAM buddies 

I am feeling down .

my gf , if some of you remember , I asked her to help with using her visa for a coffee machine but she refused . I was going to pay her cash in 2 days since I had just divorced then n all cards were canceled as they were joint named cards . it was only $200 . 

Yesterdsy , met her , chatted n I was just sharing that my business pick up a few more jobs . and next thing is she asked , with a pout , when I was going to buy her water machine of $5000 . she didn't sound happy n pout when I said not yet .

Next day I text her 3 times over different time period wrt to my divorce issues and she didn't reply . This is the second time she does this . 

The first she did this . she didn't reply over entire day , n in fact I got worried about her . 

Looks like I took her as a friend to talk about my issues at heart . while she was after my money to buy her machine . 

Do you think ? I can't think of any reasons why she didn't reply .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Betrayedone

RandomDude said:


> Anyway guys, I have a plan, I am going to sign up with every single dating site out there, sign up with professional matchmakers, and invest 10K in it, and if I don't find someone special - I'll have more than enough reason to give all of this up for good. Right now I'm on the fence, whether to try again or not to try, but fk it, I'm going to give it one hell of a shot, and if it doesn't work out, no way anyone can tell me "don't give up" when I have sufficient reason to. Deep down I know I haven't done enough when it comes to my love life.


You know, here's a piece of advice. You seem young and impulsive. You can't just throw money at this and expect it will give you what you want. You're not buying a mattress. Here's the advice part so take heed......"When you're looking for love you will never find it.....It will come when you least expect it." That will be $30.....please pay on your way out.........


----------



## RandomDude

From what I've experienced nothing comes when im waiting for it I have to be out there looking for it. I just end up in long dry spells waiting for it or only get opportunities im not attracted to

Love isnt some mystical fate thing nor is anything else in life
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

tripad said:


> Hi TAM buddies
> 
> I am feeling down .
> 
> my gf , if some of you remember , I asked her to help with using her visa for a coffee machine but she refused . I was going to pay her cash in 2 days since I had just divorced then n all cards were canceled as they were joint named cards . it was only $200 .
> 
> Yesterdsy , met her , chatted n I was just sharing that my business pick up a few more jobs . and next thing is she asked , with a pout , when I was going to buy her water machine of $5000 . she didn't sound happy n pout when I said not yet .
> 
> Next day I text her 3 times over different time period wrt to my divorce issues and she didn't reply . This is the second time she does this .
> 
> The first she did this . she didn't reply over entire day , n in fact I got worried about her .
> 
> Looks like I took her as a friend to talk about my issues at heart . while she was after my money to buy her machine .
> 
> Do you think ? I can't think of any reasons why she didn't reply .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




She's not your friend.


----------



## tripad

Sadly so .

Good time friend .

Upon divorce , I have discovered a few good time friend . 

It hurts me to realize. 

But I don't contact the one or two anymore . one who was dearest to me treated me like disease after divorce . then I understood why she always complained about her other divorcée friend who goes round snatching husbands ! I stayed far far away from her husband . He's a nice man but not someone I will sleep with . 

It was painful . losing a family n husband . then losing your friends . 

Thank God I work n earn well . can't imagine if I am really destitute . :|
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

She was a friend I drive half hour one way to send her home after night out . that makes it one hour total . n my son retaliated n pushed the class bully who slapped her son . 

Sorry 

TAM friends 

Too moody now .too many disappointments at one go .

Seeing cute neighbor on photos in face book on group trip with possibly gf . only consolation is she's not pretty n I am prettier . lol 

Then realizing I am losing this gf .

N remembering the other gf I lost much earlier .

I need to cry . alone .

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> From what I've experienced nothing comes when im waiting for it I have to be out there looking for it. I just end up in long dry spells waiting for it or only get opportunities im not attracted to
> 
> Love isnt some mystical fate thing nor is anything else in life
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is the part I have been struggling with, too. How to be an active participant in the search, but to be searching in places that have quality people worth my time!


----------



## tripad

my ex lost his job 8 months back n started a venture with his friends . heard from kids that venture didn't do well or maybe he cannot sustain as he's perpetually in debt due to his n his family's excessive spending n he pull out of biz . 

He told kids that he survives driving as a private cabby . 
A big demeaning step down for him .
I felt bad for him too . 

Tmr I need to reply to lawyers that I don't accept his proposals that he wants me to waive child support off permanently off in exchange for % of assets which is a bad deal .

But guessing that he's in debt , i am thinking of letting him skip child support for one year , out of grace n kindness . 

Thin line of difference between stupidity n kindness/grace . 

Yet feeling sad that he had driven the family finances to the ground n still breaking the family up . Though he seems to regret now as he has been asking the children where I have gone to when I am not home . He probably realized now , as I have predicted and warned him , that his parents n sisters won't help him when he's in trouble . n his friends wouldn't too . He had laughed at me and proclaimed his parents and sister loved him n would help as they are one perfect holy family . now he knows .

I was the only one who stood by him thick or thin .
Too late . family destroyed . 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

It does come down to abit of luck, like my current date has been on/off online dating and I joined just when she decided to give it another shot and I haven't been online dating at all - yet walla - a match.

Just have to be at the right place at the right time I guess - at the very least, to be out there... kinda glad I decided to give it one last go. Kinda still abit disappointed over miss pony but new girl is shifting my thoughts away from her.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> She was a friend I drive half hour one way to send her home after night out . that makes it one hour total . n my son retaliated n pushed the class bully who slapped her son .
> 
> Sorry
> 
> TAM friends
> 
> Too moody now .too many disappointments at one go .
> 
> Seeing cute neighbor on photos in face book on group trip with possibly gf . only consolation is she's not pretty n I am prettier . lol
> 
> Then realizing I am losing this gf .
> 
> N remembering the other gf I lost much earlier .
> 
> I need to cry . alone .
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tripad, finding friends is no different than finding dates. Just like dating, it takes effort to be sure we are involved in activities that will draw more people to our circle. Whether that means being involved in kids' activities, or making time for a book club or other hobby. The people I know with the best circles of friends prioritize that, and they are always meeting new people. Doesn't matter if they are married and/or have children, either. They make time for it, and it happens. It sounds to me like you would really benefit from meeting new friends, too.

And STOP with the neighbor. Just let him go. The timing was not meant to be for you. You weren't ready, and you were right to turn him down. But now you spend far too much time focused on the fact that he moved on when you said no. You were true to yourself at the time, so be proud of that and move on.

All of that said, I am very sorry that you are having a rough day. Do something nice for yourself today - a long bath, a glass of wine, take the kids somewhere. Just be kind to yourself and the sadness will pass.


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> This is the part I have been struggling with, too. How to be an active participant in the search, but to be searching in places that have quality people worth my time!


Ya . where n when n how ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> Tripad, finding friends is no different than finding dates. Just like dating, it takes effort to be sure we are involved in activities that will draw more people to our circle. Whether that means being involved in kids' activities, or making time for a book club or other hobby. The people I know with the best circles of friends prioritize that, and they are always meeting new people. Doesn't matter if they are married and/or have children, either. They make time for it, and it happens. It sounds to me like you would really benefit from meeting new friends, too.
> 
> And STOP with the neighbor. Just let him go. The timing was not meant to be for you. You weren't ready, and you were right to turn him down. But now you spend far too much time focused on the fact that he moved on when you said no. You were true to yourself at the time, so be proud of that and move on.
> 
> All of that said, I am very sorry that you are having a rough day. Do something nice for yourself today - a long bath, a glass of wine, take the kids somewhere. Just be kind to yourself and the sadness will pass.


Smile . it will pass . just painful now. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

Alright, friends. I need a little insight here. Forgive the novel. 

While I get down at times about this whole dating scene, I am happy with my progression since I started. I have become more secure in what I know I want and deserve, and I am wiling to wait for it. I will not settle in the meantime. Period. 

There is always that one person, though... The one you know uses you. The one you will always text after a glass or two of wine. There's always one kryptonite person. 

I met mine online a year and a half ago. I feel horrible admitting this, but we've never been on a date. I have only seen him at my place... and late at night. (Horrible, right?) I admit that I allowed things to get to a point where he knows if he calls me, I will answer. We have not slept together, though. Just to be clear. We text at least a few times per month, and he makes me laugh every time. He's smart, he has a good job, he's just a few years younger than I am, doesn't have/want kids, and we have amazing physical chemistry. We have had text conversations about dating and he said last summer that his job was just too busy for him to commit to someone. (I know where he works and what he does... and it makes sense.) I have told him directly that I need more. I am looking for a relationship, and that if he changes his mind, I would love to give us a shot. So, we won't talk for while, then we start our cycle again. My theory since the start has been that he got burned by someone. I think he does really like me, but I think he's afraid, because we do seem to be so compatible. I've had conversations with friends about this who agree with me. I am sure he's not married, and fairly certain he doesn't have a girlfriend. 

The last time he came over was a couple months ago. He was a little different in the way he talked to me. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but he was just sweet. I wondered after that visit if maybe this is just how I need to "date" him until he opens up. We've texted every couple of weeks since then - always fun and flirty.

Last night he came over again. We talked for a couple of hours, kissed some, and then he went home. But our talk was different. More engaging than ever before - more substance about life and work and friends. At one point, he talked about a good friend coming to town next month, and that I should meet him when he's here. They will be going to a seasonal place near me, and he said he should call me when they plan to go, so I can meet them there. Not to get all ermygerd girly here, but that was the closest thing to a date that he has ever proposed. A reference to making plans. And he seemed very sincere about it. 

So, am I letting the kryptonite wear me down? Or is it possible that I am right - this is just how he needs to get to know me before his walls come down a little? Until last night, I was wondering if I could find the strength to just tell him to stop contacting me - to cut the string he has me on and just block his number. But. He's. So. Great. Argh.

I need perspective on this. My head continues to tell me that he's using me. My heart tells me to be patient and maybe, just maybe, he's softening. I wouldn't let any other man do this to me, but he's had a weird hold on me since the first night I met him. Hard to let go. 

What do you guys think? I need to just stop acting like a loopy teenager and end it, right?


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> From what I've experienced nothing comes when im waiting for it I have to be out there looking for it. I just end up in long dry spells waiting for it or only get opportunities im not attracted to
> 
> Love isnt some mystical fate thing nor is anything else in life





TooNice said:


> This is the part I have been struggling with, too. How to be an active participant in the search, but to be searching in places that have quality people worth my time!


This is where I am at too. It's been five years single for me, and I'm okay with it, but I think at the beginning I really thought that I'd have met someone new by now. That it would just happen organically or something.

But really, I have a lifestyle that just doesn't work for meeting new people. I go to work, and I single parent young children with majority time, so I really don't have spare time for putting myself out there.

The only new people I meet are new coworkers, parents of my children's friends, and neighbours. Even meetups I join just to get out more are mostly composed of married people, or people I'm not interested in.

The one time I tried online dating, I found one interesting person, who declined to answer based on not feeling a spark from my pictures.

What can you do, eh?


----------



## TooNice

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I think at the beginning I really thought that I'd have met someone new by now. That it would just happen organically or something.


Yes. This.


----------



## Betrayedone

RandomDude said:


> From what I've experienced nothing comes when im waiting for it I have to be out there looking for it. I just end up in long dry spells waiting for it or only get opportunities im not attracted to
> 
> Love isnt some mystical fate thing nor is anything else in life
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are not hearing what I am saying. Stop waiting for it. Just go about your life but join some meetup groups and just be social and have fun. And I do believe love is a mystical fate thing. It will happen to you when it is supposed to happen to you.


----------



## Red Sonja

Sometimes I think I have a sign on my forehead that reads “I love d0uchebags” …

I live in an urban beach neighborhood and there is an special event in town so there is more than the usual foot traffic on the local sidewalks. I am outside in the small park in front of my building with one of my foster dogs and he is sunning himself on the grass.

A good-looking and fit man around my age stops to inquire about my dog and we start talking. Ten minutes into the conversation he leans in and says “You are so hot; I have an erection from just talking to you”. I smiled and calmly said “That really is more than I want to know about a stranger, nice talking to you” and walked back into my building.

Pickup lines have changed since the last time I was single (30 years ago)! This guy must be the penis-picture-sender type.

:rofl:


----------



## Red Sonja

TooNice said:


> I have only seen him at my place... and late at night.


The most likely answer is that he is married. So sorry.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Wow, that is terrible. Here was my experience last summer: I was kayaking in my town and finishing up and some guys were fishing at the launch. They put their poles aside and I told them there were quite a few fish jumping downriver. They offered to carry my kayak up the slope (dirt/grass ramp). I let them, although I could have dragged it up myself, they offered and of course I said yes, who am I to deprive people of doing something they are eager to do?

One guy and the younger guy chatted a bit and another guy stayed to chat. He was taking the younger guy, his son, up to Dartmouth College to leave him off, and the other guy was his friend from a neighboring town. Now, I should have asked this guy if he wanted to stop off and have coffee or go kayaking when he was going back and forth to see his kid. But I didn't. 

I am going to have to get a lot better to realize when people are being nice. I was embarrassed to say anything to him, and I'm sure he was reluctant to ask, for the same reason. 

At least the p*enis guy was trying? But really, that is kind of over the top. My daughter taught me a song with hand gestures she learned from some girls at school. It's this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVb7EUH_PSA


----------



## BlueWoman

TooNice said:


> My theory since the start has been that he got burned by someone. I think he does really like me, but I think he's afraid, because we do seem to be so compatible. I've had conversations with friends about this who agree with me.
> 
> So, am I letting the kryptonite wear me down? Or is it possible that I am right - this is just how he needs to get to know me before his walls come down a little? Until last night, I was wondering if I could find the strength to just tell him to stop contacting me - to cut the string he has me on and just block his number. But. He's. So. Great. Argh.
> 
> I need perspective on this. My head continues to tell me that he's using me. My heart tells me to be patient and maybe, just maybe, he's softening. I wouldn't let any other man do this to me, but he's had a weird hold on me since the first night I met him. Hard to let go.
> 
> What do you guys think? I need to just stop acting like a loopy teenager and end it, right?


You don't have to end it if you are getting something out of it. But you need to stop making this something that it's not. 

You are making classic mistake in thinking that if you just wait and have patience and show him how wonderful you are, he will come around. And we all know that only happens in romance novels. 

He is making it very clear that he is not seriously interested in you for anything that hanging out occasionally. My guess is he enjoys the ego stroke you give him. 

But if he were really into you, or if he was really worth it, he'd be pursuing you. 

So what do you get when you hang out with him? As long as you don't lie to yourself about what this really is then you can keep hanging out with him. But if hanging out with him makes it hard to be honest with yourself, then yeah end it. But if get something else out of it, an emotional charge, a distraction, good conversation. Then keep it up. But don't be patient and wait for him. There is nothing to wait for.


----------



## BlueWoman

Red Sonja said:


> Sometimes I think I have a sign on my forehead that reads “I love d0uchebags” …
> 
> I live in an urban beach neighborhood and there is an special event in town so there is more than the usual foot traffic on the local sidewalks. I am outside in the small park in front of my building with one of my foster dogs and he is sunning himself on the grass.
> 
> A good-looking and fit man around my age stops to inquire about my dog and we start talking. Ten minutes into the conversation he leans in and says “You are so hot; I have an erection from just talking to you”. I smiled and calmly said “That really is more than I want to know about a stranger, nice talking to you” and walked back into my building.



Eew! I always wonder what these guys actually expect will happen when they say things like that?


----------



## TooNice

BlueWoman said:


> You are making classic mistake in thinking that if you just wait and have patience and show him how wonderful you are, he will come around. And we all know that only happens in romance novels.
> 
> So what do you get when you hang out with him? As long as you don't lie to yourself about what this really is then you can keep hanging out with him. But if hanging out with him makes it hard to be honest with yourself, then yeah end it. But if get something else out of it, an emotional charge, a distraction, good conversation. Then keep it up. But don't be patient and wait for him. There is nothing to wait for.


Ok, so this is good advice - thank you. Yes, I do get something out of the "relationship" - whether I see him or not. We make each other laugh and feel good, and that part is nice. Since we aren't sleeping together, I feel like I am being true to myself there... No one is using anyone for sex. But you are right. He's not going to change or come around. If he wants more, he knows I'm game and all he needs to do is ask me on a proper date. But as long as I don't have anyone else in the picture, and I don't expect more of him the what I know... then why not. 

Thanks.


----------



## TooNice

BlueWoman said:


> Eew! I always wonder what these guys actually expect will happen when they say things like that?


I've wondered this, too. Does this approach actually work for them sometimes? Enough that they keep using it???


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

TooNice said:


> BlueWoman said:
> 
> 
> 
> Eew! I always wonder what these guys actually expect will happen when they say things like that?
> 
> 
> 
> I've wondered this, too. Does this approach actually work for them sometimes? Enough that they keep using it???
Click to expand...

They don't expect it to work. They just get a cheap thrill from seeing the shock on the woman's face.


----------



## RandomDude

Exhibitionism is the only logical explanation for this behavior
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Exhibitionism is the only logical explanation for this behavior
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Perhaps, but even people who are into exhibitionism know when it's appropriate and when it's not. They want people to look because they WANT TO... an exhibitionist gets off on the fact that other people get turned on by watching him. If a viewer is repulsed, that's not a turn on for an exhibitionist.

At least, that's the case with all the exhibitionists I know.

This guy sounds like a creeper to me, not an exhibitionist.


----------



## tripad

If I remember , he has a good body so he's one those who think he is demi god on earth with a penis that earth-lings women should be proud it turned hard .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MRR

Hopeful Cynic said:


> This is where I am at too. It's been five years single for me, and I'm okay with it, but I think at the beginning I really thought that I'd have met someone new by now. That it would just happen organically or something.
> 
> But really, I have a lifestyle that just doesn't work for meeting new people. I go to work, and I single parent young children with majority time, so I really don't have spare time for putting myself out there.
> 
> The only new people I meet are new coworkers, parents of my children's friends, and neighbours. Even meetups I join just to get out more are mostly composed of married people, or people I'm not interested in.
> 
> The one time I tried online dating, I found one interesting person, who declined to answer based on not feeling a spark from my pictures.
> 
> What can you do, eh?


I would say that OLD is ideal for someone like you. And also someone like me, similar in most of the above and more of a homebody as I age. I like KNOWING when I walk out the door that I AM going to meet a woman and have a conversation, rather than going out and hoping somehow I come across a random person to chat with. 

I am also not good at approach-- at all-- so I am trying to not rely solely on OLD. But most of the women I come in contact with are at work, which is always dicey.


----------



## ne9907

I've finally decided to end things with the boyfriend. It will be difficult, because I just realized that he feels like home. I have the battered women syndrome worse than I thought.

He feels like home because for 15 years, I was neglected and left to my own devices. That is why he feels like home. Please do not ask me to explain why it has taken me this long to realize this, or why can't I just leave him right away because I do not know.

I came with the decision to end it because of a conversation I snooped on his FB messenger. 

Him: I think it was a bad idea to get back with Ne
Her: why do you say that?
Him: too much family drama.

Here is the "drama" he is talking about. My 28 year old brother is an addict and just two weeks ago we found out how his habit really is. He has always smoked weed, we thought that is all he does, but he did something heavy two weeks ago and was extremely paranoid. I had to leave work and drive to him to talk to him and try to calm him down.
I don't see my brother often, about once a week. I love my brother, I am just researching addiction, finding out how to help him, trying to offer all the help my brother will need. He is my brother, I love him. I will stand by his side.
For the BF to say that "my family is drama" it is true, if he cannot handle my family business it is time to end our relationship.
I need someone who will not only be next to me in time of crisis but will also offer solutions.

I do not understand what his problem is... I am trying to be sympathetic but I cannot. 

Friends? Is family addiction (not personally) a deal breaker?


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I've finally decided to end things with the boyfriend. It will be difficult, because I just realized that he feels like home. I have the battered women syndrome worse than I thought.
> 
> 
> 
> He feels like home because for 15 years, I was neglected and left to my own devices. That is why he feels like home. Please do not ask me to explain why it has taken me this long to realize this, or why can't I just leave him right away because I do not know.
> 
> 
> 
> I came with the decision to end it because of a conversation I snooped on his FB messenger.
> 
> 
> 
> Him: I think it was a bad idea to get back with Ne
> 
> Her: why do you say that?
> 
> Him: too much family drama.
> 
> 
> 
> Here is the "drama" he is talking about. My 28 year old brother is an addict and just two weeks ago we found out how his habit really is. He has always smoked weed, we thought that is all he does, but he did something heavy two weeks ago and was extremely paranoid. I had to leave work and drive to him to talk to him and try to calm him down.
> 
> I don't see my brother often, about once a week. I love my brother, I am just researching addiction, finding out how to help him, trying to offer all the help my brother will need. He is my brother, I love him. I will stand by his side.
> 
> For the BF to say that "my family is drama" it is true, if he cannot handle my family business it is time to end our relationship.
> 
> I need someone who will not only be next to me in time of crisis but will also offer solutions.
> 
> 
> 
> I do not understand what his problem is... I am trying to be sympathetic but I cannot.
> 
> 
> 
> Friends? Is family addiction (not personally) a deal breaker?




A deal breaker for a LTR is anyone who can't be supportive of your needs. Addiction is a tough one, because there are so many facets to it. You need someone who can support your decision to help your brother now, but who can also support you if there should come a day (heaven forbid) when you can't help him anymore. The point is consistent support. You recognize that he cannot give you that. 

Your comment about battered woman syndrome is pretty powerful, ne. I know this will be hard, but you know we all support you. You deserve so much more.


----------



## ne9907

I might have used "battered women" too loosely. I have never been beaten, I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. Neglected. etc.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I might have used "battered women" too loosely. I have never been beaten, I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. Neglected. etc.



Emotional abuse counts, and has an impact on our subsequent relationships. I only commented because I thought it was powerful that you made that connection. You're strong... You've got this!


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Emotional abuse counts, and has an impact on our subsequent relationships. I only commented because I thought it was powerful that you made that connection. You're strong... You've got this!


I can't like/agree with this enough. Emotional abuse is worse, in a way--there are no visible scars, and the abuse itself makes it hard for the victim to believe that anyone will take the allegations of abuse seriously. I am still very reticent to tell anyone about the emotional abuse I suffered in my marriage (not to mention in my childhood), because I still harbor a very real fear that I won't be believed.


----------



## vi_bride04

The last piece of my kayak carrying system arrives tomorrow. It was 80 this past weekend.... Took a friend's kayak out but couldn't take mine since I can't haul it yet.

Was on the water maybe 15min...I can def feel it in my shoulders... Looks like I got some practice to do before I can go on my multi-day trips 

New hobbies are expensive... But I'm so excited about this one... Now if I can only find a way to take my dog


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> I can't like/agree with this enough. Emotional abuse is worse, in a way--there are no visible scars, and the abuse itself makes it hard for the victim to believe that anyone will take the allegations of abuse seriously. I am still very reticent to tell anyone about the emotional abuse I suffered in my marriage (not to mention in my childhood), because I still harbor a very real fear that I won't be believed.



I know that many women (and men) are in situations much, much worse than mine was. But it took being out of a narcissistic marriage to realize that I was emotionally abused. Everything was my fault. I couldn't do anything right. Nothing I said was right. I was minimized constantly. And by my MIL and SD as much as by my ex husband.

And I never saw it. 

Now I can look back and see parallels with the traditional model of an abused spouse. That's why ne's comment struck me, I think. I respect that she sees it and can call herself out on it.


----------



## RandomDude

#1 going well... talking everyday... #2 friend zoned n in the backburner... #3 hit dealbreaker... going to hide all my OLD profiles now... going to focus on my number 1...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I know that many women (and men) are in situations much, much worse than mine was. But it took being out of a narcissistic marriage to realize that I was emotionally abused. Everything was my fault. I couldn't do anything right. Nothing I said was right. I was minimized constantly. And by my MIL and SD as much as by my ex husband.
> 
> And I never saw it.
> 
> Now I can look back and see parallels with the traditional model of an abused spouse. That's why ne's comment struck me, I think. I respect that she sees it and can call herself out on it.


Again, agree with everything you've said.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, a little wrinkle... guess who showed up this past weekend?

J-Dawg.

I figured, what the hell, why not? Real Estate and I aren't exclusive--he has made this ABUNDANTLY clear--so I decided to take advantage of opportunity while it's knocking. And OMG, it was worth it. I forgot how good J-Dawg is in bed. 

And it scratched a little itch for me. Don't get me wrong, I've been enjoying Real Estate's company, and he's been taking care of me. But he's suffering from a not insignificant ED issue. He has no problem getting it up beforehand--or if he is masturbating--but once it gets to PIV sex, it goes soft. Later, he's able to get it up again and finish himself off (by this time, he's already gotten me off multiple times, via other methods, to the point that I'm exhausted and can't take any more). I hadn't brought it up in conversation, because he already knows that I'm upset about it, and I can only imagine how it makes HIM feel. (Not to mention the irrational fear that it is something wrong with ME. I know it's not, but these thoughts sometimes flit through your mind before you can stop them.) I did find out that he bought some Viagra the last time he was in Mexico, but he hadn't used them yet, he had just bought them as a back up. I'm his first partner in over a year, and I get the impression that he was hoping it was just nerves being with a new partner after such a long break.

But anyway, we did talk about it on Saturday morning... and I told him that a) I want him to start taking the pill, and b) I want him to see a doctor about this. He probably won't like what the doc has to say, which will probably be, "Stop masturbating so much! You have a woman who wants you to fvck her. Fvck the woman instead of your hand."

This is a yellow flag for me... if this can't be resolved, Real Estate and I will definitely never move past FWB. And that would be for the best. It's funny, Real Estate knows that I've been with some men with pretty big equipment, and he asked me if I would be satisfied with someone his size (someone who is average). And I said, of course--I've had amazing sex with men of average size. (Which is absolutely true.) 

To use some of RandomDude's terminology, I like to get rammed, but I'm not getting that with Real Estate. Which is where J-Dawg comes in... he can give me what Real Estate hasn't been able to thus far. J-Dawg has no relationship potential, he doesn't even have friend/hang-out potential. But he fvcks me like a champ.

I didn't know how I would feel about this. I thought I might feel bad, or guilty. But that didn't happen. I thought it might lessen my affection for Real Estate. That didn't happen. I still miss him and am looking forward to his return (he's in Detroit this week, his sister is having surgery). It did help put things in perspective, though, and it has tempered my attachment to Real Estate, which is probably a good thing.


----------



## RandomDude

Tsk tsk and here I get flamed for using the word RAMMING... bah!
'Tis a good thing to be RAMMED  See? Hehe

BTW guys I'm really starting to like #1, no sex yet and she isn't the best looking (she's pretty, but not stunning, unlike other women I've dated - her body is nice though), but personality... she's very interesting, if she keeps going at this rate she would be unmatched in terms of personality, she's warm, genuine, honest, and has such a great sense of humor that puts alot of other women to shame.


----------



## TooNice

Sigh. FIP, you make me think I should just cave and start mutually using Kryptonite guy. It would be amazing with him. 

I just want more. But at the same time, I WANT. 
Lol!


~Just breathe.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Sigh. FIP, you make me think I should just cave and start mutually using Kryptonite guy. It would be amazing with him.
> 
> I just want more. But at the same time, I WANT.
> Lol!


I want more, too. I want a relationship, and I want to be in love. I want all that sh!t.

But that doesn't mean I'm going to live like I'm a nun until I find that. Fvck that. I'm at my sexual peak, and I have a limited amount of time in this phase of my life, not to mention a limited amount of time _on this earth_. I'm going to have as much sex and as many orgasms as I can! And it just so happens that there are 2 men in my life right now who are more than happy to help me achieve that goal.

So, I'm going to take them up on their offer and get all the sex that I can, while I can. And who knows what will happen down the road? Maybe I will meet someone who checks all my boxes, with whom I fall in love. (And maybe it's better that way, because my head won't be filled with the all-consuming desire to get laid immediately.) Maybe I don't, but instead I learn to love being single because I'm not looking for someone, and who knows what I will achieve then? Maybe one of them falls in love with me, and everything ends oh-so-badly. Or it ends well. Who knows?


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> . I'm at my sexual peak, and I have a limited amount of time in this phase of my life, not to mention a limited amount of time _on this earth_. I'm going to have as much sex and as many orgasms as I can! And it just so happens that there are 2 men in my life right now who are more than happy to help me achieve that goal.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> hear hear... the big d!ck guy I slept with the other day is not very attractive, but has a very nice penis and it is very satisfying.
Click to expand...


----------



## foolscotton3

FeministInPink said:


> But he's suffering from a not insignificant ED issue. He has no problem getting it up beforehand--or if he is masturbating--but once it gets to PIV sex, it goes soft. Later, he's able to get it up again and finish himself off
> 
> He probably won't like what the doc has to say, which will probably be, "Stop masturbating so much! You have a woman who wants you to fvck her. Fvck the woman instead of your hand."


Sexual Dysfunction: The Escalating Price of Abusing Porn | Sex and Intimacy


----------



## RandomDude

Thats the same problem I had with my friend after miss pony - very embarrassing! Hence y I realised I need regular sex otherwise my penis gets conditioned to the hand instead of a vagina. Fip if u like real estate guy u have to be patient with him, its easily cured just make him feel comfortable with u n no matter what dont put him down otherwise his ED will ne psychological as well as physical
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GuyInColorado

My issue after going so long without PIV sex, it takes so much concentration to last more than 5 minutes! Good god, I don't remember it being this hard to last so long. I find it best to get close to climax, pull out for a 10-20 secs to change positions, and then I can go for a while. Not sure if masturbating would help? I go 3-5 days between sex, mainly have it on the weekends when we spend the night. Doesn't help that she moans and talks a lot, which just turns me on more.


----------



## RandomDude

At least thats better than goibg soft inside someone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> At least thats better than goibg soft inside someone
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, this has happened, too...

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Thats the same problem I had with my friend after miss pony - very embarrassing! Hence y I realised I need regular sex otherwise my penis gets conditioned to the hand instead of a vagina. Fip if u like real estate guy u have to be patient with him, its easily cured just make him feel comfortable with u n no matter what dont put him down otherwise his ED will ne psychological as well as physical
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am happy to be patient with him. I know this is a sensitive subject, and I don't want to make matters worse. I get the impression that his ex-wife did a number on his head, and I know I have to tread carefully here.

The question is if he's willing to cut out the masturbation for a little while to help with this. If he's not willing to do what's necessary to solve the problem, I WILL lose patience. But if he's making the effort, then I can be incredibly patient. 

In the meantime, he's doing everything else that he can to keep me happy and satisfied. Sadly, he doesn't like giving oral. He'll do it on occasion because he knows I like it (or so he says, as that hasn't happened yet). I can live without oral. I can't live without the ramming.


----------



## RandomDude

Give him time, also be careful with mentioning the errr... session that you had with the other guy. I know you 2 arent exclusive but it wont help. Also when a man allows you the freedom to see other people it doesnt mean that he may actually like it - but can also be a test to see what you do with that freedom.


----------



## tripad

FIP

I am getting jealous here .

Ram like a champ .

Gif: http://media4.giphy.com/media/V4uGHRgz0zi6Y/200w_d.gif
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Give him time, also be careful with mentioning the errr... session that you had with the other guy. I know you 2 arent exclusive but it wont help. Also when a man allows you the freedom to see other people it doesnt mean that he may actually like it - but can also be a test to see what you do with that freedom.


I'm not going to mention it for now. Discussed it with a mutual friend last night (friend who introduced us and was hoping we would get together), and we came to the conclusion--given that Real Estate and I never discussed if our non-exclusive agreement is a "disclose all" or "don't ask, don't tell" policy--that I should stay mum on the subject. (And she has agreed to keep my confidence.)

If J-Dawg turns into a recurring thing, and Real Estate wants to get serious, it may need to come up. But if J-Dawg's reprisal turns out to be a one-night engagement, then it may be better left unsaid, at least for the time being.

I don't like the idea that it might be a test, because that's pretty unfair to expect fidelity from someone to whom you 1) never asked it, and 2) haven't promised your own fidelity. It's a fvckin' covert contract, that's what a "test" of this nature is. And honestly, if it IS a test, and if he's holding me to some lame double standard, then that just shows me that he's NOT someone I would want to be with long-term.

Then again, he might LIKE the fact that I've been with another guy. Real Estate's a pretty kinky guy.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> FIP
> 
> I am getting jealous here .
> 
> Ram like a champ .
> 
> Gif: http://media4.giphy.com/media/V4uGHRgz0zi6Y/200w_d.gif
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't be jealous, you could have all this, and more. You've just got to slvt it up a little, lol


----------



## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> Sexual Dysfunction: The Escalating Price of Abusing Porn | Sex and Intimacy


This sounds disturbingly accurate regarding Real Estate's problem. He likes to have porn on when we're getting busy, which doesn't bother me in the slightest. (I'm pretty open minded, obviously.) But if it's an addiction problem, that is a whole other ball of wax. I mean, what am I going to do, stage an intervention? 

He wants someone who will accept him, and not try to change him. And I don't want to try to change him or fix him. That's not my job. But this level of dysfunction--if this is what's going on--will be a deal-breaker for me.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> I don't like the idea that it might be a test, because that's pretty unfair to expect fidelity from someone to whom you 1) never asked it, and 2) haven't promised your own fidelity. It's a fvckin' covert contract, that's what a "test" of this nature is. And honestly, if it IS a test, and if he's holding me to some lame double standard, then that just shows me that he's NOT someone I would want to be with long-term.
> 
> Then again, he might LIKE the fact that I've been with another guy. Real Estate's a pretty kinky guy.


That depends on the type of person he is, as it might not be a double standard, but a standard he also holds himself to, and hence -> desires it from his future spouse, and if he is naive - assumes it.

If he assumes it, there's a problem.

I'm not sure how clear you two have talked about boundaries and expectations.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> This sounds disturbingly accurate regarding Real Estate's problem. He likes to have porn on when we're getting busy, which doesn't bother me in the slightest. (I'm pretty open minded, obviously.) But if it's an addiction problem, that is a whole other ball of wax. I mean, what am I going to do, stage an intervention?
> 
> He wants someone who will accept him, and not try to change him. And I don't want to try to change him or fix him. That's not my job. But this level of dysfunction--if this is what's going on--will be a deal-breaker for me.


Porn on while u r doing it sounds like addiction .

When my ex became addicted to porn , he watches round the clock n wanted it on while we were having sex . it didn't work well for me . it seems to me he prefers to fuzk the porn girl.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> Don't be jealous, you could have all this, and more. You've just got to slvt it up a little, lol


Just not me . sex without love . can't orgasm . 

Had offers from OLD . decent looks , don't know their di** size . they send pic of themselves posing but di** covered .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Success brings corkiness brings errors brings failure brings depression brings inspiration brings motivation brings success brings corkiness brings errors... the ever spirals of life...

Ah... and yet the bitterness of failure brings the sweetness of success, and without challenge I'll probably never appreciate my success... yet why can't I have this same mentality with relationships? The bitterness of failure drags me down low, and instead of spiraling upwards, I spiral downwards, with more and more disappointments in my life putting weight on my psyche.

Hmmm... maybe 'tis because I don't consider any of my past relationships/marriage a success, so all I see is failure, 1 step forward, 2 steps back, instead of other aspects of my life where it's 2 steps forward, 1 step back... I dunno

/end random thoughts


----------



## tripad

RD

You didn't fail with ms pony .

Nothing much started 

Take it easy .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> That depends on the type of person he is, as it might not be a double standard, but a standard he also holds himself to, and hence -> desires it from his future spouse, and if he is naive - assumes it.
> 
> If he assumes it, there's a problem.
> 
> I'm not sure how clear you two have talked about boundaries and expectations.


That's not the case, I don't think. And I also don't think it's a test.

I'm certain I'm the only woman he's getting busy with at the moment, but not necessarily because of certain standards he holds for himself, as you so eloquently put it. He's just not putting any effort into meeting anyone else. 

He wants the freedom to say "yes" if some woman at the BDSM club comes up and says, "I really like your c0ck, and I would like to sit on it here in front of everyone." Which, frankly, is unlikely overall, and even more unlikely if he's always going to clubs with me and our mutual (female friend), and making it obvious that he and I are together when we're there.

My thought about that is that it's kind of like the celebrity 5 list. It is so unlikely to happen, that if it DOES happen? Have at it, and with my blessing! If that is your once-in-a-lifetime fantasy that would make you blissfully happy, and the opportunity actually arises, I'm not going to say "no." I'm not going to deny him that.

But he's not a ladies' man. He's not a tomcat. He's a bit of a flirt, but a lot of people in this lifestyle are, and they do so without any expectation of reciprocity--it just comes with being part of a community that's very open about sex. In the community, there's also a commonly understood truth: in open relationships, it's usually the male partner that wants to keep (or start) getting some strange on the side (thinking the female partner will be content with staying faithful/not fvck anyone else), but when put into reality, it's almost always the female partner who gets additional partners right away while the male partner is high and dry.

Real Estate made some comment about how I'm getting all his attention because I'm his only partner right now, but that would change if he found a second partner, and that I would have to be prepared to share him. And my thought was, _Dude, really? I'm your first partner in over a *year *. Do you really think that you're going to find a second woman just like that, especially one who is into your particular kink?_ There are a LOT more men than women in this community. It's a woman's market in this community, much of the time.


----------



## RandomDude

Gotta admit, now I kinda feel sorry for him


----------



## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... maybe 'tis because I don't consider any of my past relationships/marriage a success, so all I see is failure, 1 step forward, 2 steps back, instead of other aspects of my life where it's 2 steps forward, 1 step back... I dunno
> 
> /end random thoughts


I can relate to the way you're thinking RD. And it can be difficult to not think of past relationships/marriages as failures. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I've been pretty successful at reworking my thought processes to consider stuff in the past as just that. Chapters in my story that are now finished. I can look back and see just how much I've learned and grown from each chapter, and how future relationships (not just romantic but business and personal also) and career related things will benefit from having the experiences of those chapters. 

Again, it doesn't come to me naturally but I've been able to acknowledge that fact and rethink things.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Gotta admit, now I kinda feel sorry for him


Did my post sound that bad? I'm not trying to make him out to be a loser. He's NOT. I'm just saying that it takes 1) a certain type of personality; 2) a certain type of environment; and 3) a certain amount of work; to maintain multiple partners/have multiple partners when you're in an open relationship/whatever. A secondary partner doesn't just fall into your lap (Ok, it sort of did with me, but that is an anomally, I think), and he's not actively dating. 

So I'm not sure where this hypothetical second partner would come from, if he's not actively looking for someone. And he seems _pretty content with just me_. And he's never done the open relationship/poly thing before, and I think he might have some unrealistic expectations.

He's a little new to the lifestyle, too... so he may have a little bit of that "kid-in-a-candy-store" thing going on, and he doesn't want to pick the wrong thing (person), so he's hesitant to pick at all. Which is fine. For now.


----------



## bravenewworld

FeministInPink said:


> Did my post sound that bad? I'm not trying to make him out to be a loser. He's NOT. I'm just saying that it takes 1) a certain type of personality; 2) a certain type of environment; and 3) a certain amount of work; to maintain multiple partners/have multiple partners when you're in an open relationship/whatever. A secondary partner doesn't just fall into your lap (Ok, it sort of did with me, but that is an anomally, I think), and he's not actively dating.
> 
> So I'm not sure where this hypothetical second partner would come from, if he's not actively looking for someone. And he seems _pretty content with just me_. And he's never done the open relationship/poly thing before, and I think he might have some unrealistic expectations.
> 
> He's a little new to the lifestyle, too... so he may have a little bit of that "kid-in-a-candy-store" thing going on, and he doesn't want to pick the wrong thing (person), so he's hesitant to pick at all. Which is fine. For now.


He sounds a little arrogant - no oral, ED probs, and you're his only partner in a year? Doesn't sound like he has much game when it comes to the ladies. 

Not picking on Real Estate, I get that you have fun together and enjoy his company. Just not sure I understand why he's acting like the prize bull at the county fair.


----------



## bravenewworld

So finally after the barren wasteland that is dating in my city.....

I met someone really, really, nice. And smart. And fun. And cool. And he feels the same way about me! 

So far we're two dates in - movie night at the vintage art deco theater in town and then sushi dinner at my favorite Japanese restaurant. We had SO much to talk about and there was a natural, genuine, and special connection. 

This is the first time I've felt this spark since being divorced. Not sure where it's going, but I'm enjoying it!


----------



## FeministInPink

bravenewworld said:


> He sounds a little arrogant - no oral, ED probs, and you're his only partner in a year? Doesn't sound like he has much game when it comes to the ladies.
> 
> Not picking on Real Estate, I get that you have fun together and enjoy his company. Just not sure I understand why he's acting like the prize bull at the county fair.


Well, that's the thing, he's NOT arrogant, not in the least. I find arrogance to be a huge turn-off. He's sweet and generous. He's self-deprecating when appropriate, and he has no problem asking for a definition when I use some big GRE word that he doesn't know. He's very respectful, and he treats me better than any other guy I've ever dated. He listens to my concerns with an open mind.

I think it's a defense/self-preservation mechanism, to be honest. I can't reject him if he stays unattached and never gives me the opportunity to reject him.

And in his defense, the ED is a new development, assuming that he's telling me the truth about that, and it seems to be a fixable problem. And he does a LOT of other things that make up for the lack of oral, and he's game to try a lot of other things that are on my list... many of which happen to be on his list, too.

He's got some baggage. So do I. We're both working through our own sh!t.


----------



## RandomDude

bravenewworld said:


> Not picking on Real Estate, I get that you have fun together and enjoy his company. Just not sure I understand why he's acting like the prize bull at the county fair.


that be why I feel sorry for him! He be silly!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

TheGoodGuy said:


> I can relate to the way you're thinking RD. And it can be difficult to not think of past relationships/marriages as failures. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I've been pretty successful at reworking my thought processes to consider stuff in the past as just that. Chapters in my story that are now finished. I can look back and see just how much I've learned and grown from each chapter, and how future relationships (not just romantic but business and personal also) and career related things will benefit from having the experiences of those chapters.
> 
> Again, it doesn't come to me naturally but I've been able to acknowledge that fact and rethink things.


well guess I can say I learnt a fair bit from ex wife but I cant figure out whay ive learnt from the women after her except for reasons to give up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Then again... ex gf/ fwb helped me understand materialistic women, miss pony helped me believe that there r other non material women out there... so hey... I dunno
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Did my post sound that bad? I'm not trying to make him out to be a loser. He's NOT. I'm just saying that it takes 1) a certain type of personality; 2) a certain type of environment; and 3) a certain amount of work; to maintain multiple partners/have multiple partners when you're in an open relationship/whatever. A secondary partner doesn't just fall into your lap (Ok, it sort of did with me, but that is an anomally, I think), and he's not actively dating.
> 
> So I'm not sure where this hypothetical second partner would come from, if he's not actively looking for someone. And he seems _pretty content with just me_. And he's never done the open relationship/poly thing before, and I think he might have some unrealistic expectations.
> 
> He's a little new to the lifestyle, too... so he may have a little bit of that "kid-in-a-candy-store" thing going on, and he doesn't want to pick the wrong thing (person), so he's hesitant to pick at all. Which is fine. For now.


Could you really be in a relationship with someone who treats the idea having another partner as a serious option?? Could you really share a man? I couldnt, no way in hell. I'd rather be alone forever. Having a kink is one thing, but sharing your partner with someone else? Whole different level.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> Could you really be in a relationship with someone who treats the idea having another partner as a serious option?? Could you really share a man? I couldnt, no way in hell. I'd rather be alone forever. Having a kink is one thing, but sharing your partner with someone else? Whole different level.


Same here 3x. I don't share well. Then again I'm that weird guy who wants an emotional connection for sex to really mean something. To each they own though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

There are threesome n orgies. N there are animals too . lol

To each its own .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> N there are animals too . lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup!

Tripad knows all about it too


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Yup!
> 
> Tripad knows all about it too


Lol

I don't do those .


All from reading .

But I have been invited to a drug n orgies party once. Younger days . partied hard n I l probably gave the wild image so I was invited .


But I did not go . inside the shell , I am a conventional woman . 

Lol

Even my divorce lawyer said I am kinda twisted , eastern girl trapped in a western shell .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TheGoodGuy said:


> Same here 3x. I don't share well. Then again I'm that weird guy who wants an emotional connection for sex to really mean something. To each they own though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We should date!! :laugh:


----------



## tripad

3xnocharm n good guy

Go for it . date .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of dates, got a boring date next week with #2... *snooze* coffee and drinks, and an exciting one with #1, taking her rock climbing 

Funny really, not very hard to shake off the extra girls picked up from OLD, if she's fun and great enough she automatically becomes exclusive. Think #2 will be staying in the FZ.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, Real Estate left for Detroit this past Sunday, because his sister was supposed to have brain surgery this week on Wednesday. He was expected back late on Friday, but he texted me yesterday morning to say that he might be back earlier, because the doctor forgot to run some test or other, and the surgery was postponed... 

Earlier today, he gets in touch and says that the surgery was rescheduled for this coming Tuesday, so he's decided to stay in Detroit a little longer, and leave the day after surgery/drive back to NOVA on Wednesday.

I fully understand. I would have done the same thing. I'm still bummed that I'm gonna have to wait almost an entire extra week to see him.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Could you really be in a relationship with someone who treats the idea having another partner as a serious option?? Could you really share a man? I couldnt, no way in hell. I'd rather be alone forever. Having a kink is one thing, but sharing your partner with someone else? Whole different level.


I don't know. I've never tried it, so I don't know.

I also don't know if he's serious about keeping things open, or if it's--as I said previously--a defensive/self-preservation tactic to keep from getting too attached. If he gets the feels, his tune might change.


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I don't know. I've never tried it, so I don't know.
> 
> I also don't know if he's serious about keeping things open, or if it's--as I said previously--a defensive/self-preservation tactic to keep from getting too attached. If he gets the feels, his tune might change.


One thing I learn from my ex .

Never wait for a,man to change his tune .

Another lesson , never justify n or explain away red flag . like you just mention for his self preservation .

My ex , in the beginning or our relationship , said something like that , that he will anytime leave to go back home country n can't commit .


When we were married , I thought things were different now .

No , our divorce is still due to his family whom he place above me and even above the children , in financial n physical n emotional ways .

Real estate doesn't sound good .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> One thing I learn from my ex .
> 
> Never wait for a,man to change his tune .
> 
> Another lesson , never justify n or explain away red flag . like you just mention for his self preservation .
> 
> My ex , in the beginning or our relationship , said something like that , that he will anytime leave to go back home country n can't commit .
> 
> 
> When we were married , I thought things were different now .
> 
> No , our divorce is still due to his family whom he place above me and even above the children , in financial n physical n emotional ways .
> 
> Real estate doesn't sound good .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's why I'm not counting on anything changing. I'm enjoying what we've got going now.

Most of what I've said is just theorizing. Waxing poetic, if you will. I like to try to figure people out. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm not.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

3Xnocharm said:


> We should date!! :laugh:





tripad said:


> 3xnocharm n good guy
> 
> Go for it . date .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:grin2: Can't 3x, I'm exclusive with a very special someone! ;-)

Maybe I should stop frequenting this thread, but I'm invested in you guys/gals!


----------



## RandomDude

Grrrr....


----------



## tripad

Why .

Had a sexy dream ?


----------



## RandomDude

Yes! :rofl:


----------



## tripad

hope you have an enormous orgasm before you wake up .:x


----------



## BlueWoman

Checking in...
Two things, First Prince is a trigger for me as POSOW was way into prince, and during the time my POSXH was cheating, he was listening to Prince a lot. Probably because of her. 

I liked Prince I suppose, but it wasn't my type of music. But I do not want to see you face all over my facebook. Not right now.

And just found out a friend of mine's husband just left her. And the story sounds so much like the stories in CWI. And I want to tell her she needs to find out. But how do you tell someone that? 
Although, I wish someone would have told me. 


Oh, and I'm getting closer to getting admitted to the Ph.D. program. Fingers crossed, I find out in the next few weeks.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> hope you have an enormous orgasm before you wake up .:x


Nope, morning wood instead


----------



## ne9907

BlueWoman said:


> Checking in...
> Two things, First Prince is a trigger for me as POSOW was way into prince, and during the time my POSXH *was cheating, he was listening to Prince a lot*. Probably because of her.
> 
> I liked Prince I suppose, but it wasn't my type of music. But I do not want to see you face all over my facebook. Not right now.
> 
> And just found out a friend of mine's husband just left her. And the story sounds so much like the stories in CWI. And I want to tell her she needs to find out. But how do you tell someone that?
> Although, I wish someone would have told me.
> 
> 
> Oh, and I'm getting closer to getting admitted to the Ph.D. program. Fingers crossed, I find out in the next few weeks.


Still to this date, I cannot listen to Hinder "Lips of an Angel"
WORST SONG EVER RECORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah, blame the ex
tell your friend to visit this site. Just tell her. 

T



RandomDude said:


> Nope, morning wood instead


mmmm.... I love morning wood.... spooning style (small spoon me) or .... anywhere...


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> mmmm.... I love morning wood.... spooning style (small spoon me) or .... anywhere...


for u maybe... for me all it does is make it harder for me to pee in thr morning!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Wowza... current date is even more stunning than I thought, all this time and she never decided to look her best. Seriously, already her personality is shining out, I haven't said much about it so far bc half of it I don't know if it's true or an illusion or whatever at this point but... at her best she's drop dead insanely gorgeous. From now own she will known be as... Wowza!

She's... potential, and even though miss pony and I had chemistry of our own, wowza's chemistry is more intense, she's witty, hilarious, expressive, and has the same wavelength as me - she's nuts! I mean... I lost all hope and so quickly it's reinvigorated again... infactuation... is it?

I dunno, but this time, it was personality first that attracted me. Strange... good sign no? I dunno


----------



## tripad

Wow . you made dating sound easy n fun .

Why did the other ladies n I seem to get crappy guys or scams only ?


----------



## RandomDude

Just try ******* instead of the scam that is match.com
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

But maybe it works better wherever you are , say , America ? 

In Singapore , it is a small city . Not many professionals go online for fear of being recognized . It is not in our culture , I guess , and it may be viewed as a stigma to be in online dating . 

N many foreigners will write to a asian woman , like you said , "yellow fever" 

But I am uncomfortable with men out of geographical zone .

Maybe I will give it a shot the next few days


----------



## tripad

Maybe I am too straightforward .

It is like after a few text of " hi beautiful " n " I am a happy independent man blah blah looking for a woman blah blah " n my replies to their questions on what I work as . n soon I will go like hi I am not into casual sex but looking for a real relationship "

N they disappeared


Lol


So I know what they are looking for 

The fwb kinda man are now instead much appreciated by me for their frank n direct approach . n at least they give a nice good bye speech n welcome you anytime you change your mind . lol


----------



## RandomDude

Why not friends of friends? Theres gotta be a bigger pool of men then guys like ur neighbor u end up going in circles around.

and hell sometimes its bc the guy is a shallow idiot... wowza was pretty but wasnt stunning at first impression online. Then I met her and she was attractive but like 7/10 in my scale n 8 is my mininum.

I decided to see how it goes and let the chemistry which was good lead the way n I was blown away when she decided to look her best tonight - 9.5/10
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

We men r visual creatures, sometimes to our peril
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Why not friends of friends? Theres gotta be a bigger pool of men then guys like ur neighbor u end up going in circles around.
> 
> and hell sometimes its bc the guy is a shallow idiot... wowza was pretty but wasnt stunning at first impression online. Then I met her and she was attractive but like 7/10 in my scale n 8 is my mininum.
> 
> I decided to see how it goes and let the chemistry which was good lead the way n I was blown away when she decided to look her best tonight - 9.5/10
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For the sake of my children and to prevent gossips , only a few friends , 4 gf plus my single dad neighbour knows I am divorced . And these few gf are work horse n mums like myself and I guess they may not have many men friends to toss to me .

Lol , yeah n my neighbour I went around in circles with , LOL . erased him from my mind . felt better .

But if he comes around again , I will take him on if I am not already taken . Hope fate wont be cruel and when he comes ard , I am not available . 



RandomDude said:


> We men r visual creatures, sometimes to our peril
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dont think I have problems with scoring in the visual department . I do keep fit and maintain well . Some days I may be in running shorts and T but I still look good in my tiny shorts and fitting T . And I have great skin and hair , blessings of good genes and maintenance . But I suppose i may fend off drooling wolves and get turn off .

Neighbour used to take a peep at my butt . LOL .> I am so evil . I bought new tighter shorts and tighter running T recently .

Not a sex bomb shell , just fit and healthy with boobs > .


----------



## tripad

Lately , my ex has been asking the children and my domestic helper where i am when kids are with him and why i am out so late .

I wonder why ? remorseful ? cant find a gf ? dump by a secret gf i dont know about now that she realise he doesnt have the money but troubles ? realise I am good and was the only one who stood by him throughout his troubles ? realise his parents and sisters that he loved more than me and children wont bother to help him now ?

I evaluated and come to conclusion that once upon a time , I would do anything to save the marriage , and once upon a later time , I prayed he would turn around in time and I would want to be with him , to keep the family intact .

Now , I realise my children and I are really happy without him causing troubles at home , causing me to be sad so much so that one day , my little boys said mummy you dont laugh anymore . 

Now i earn and spent on myself and children , enjoying the good things that I had been deprived of for so long . 

Now , I think if he were to beg for my forgiveness , I would forgive but I would never want to be with him as a wife , not as a gf . Frankly , not even as a friend .


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Just try ******* instead of the scam that is match.com
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I'm going to try *******


----------



## RandomDude

Whao... ok tripad... u need more friends!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

Hehe feels so nice to like someone n have her pour honey in ur ears... hmmm... y is my guard so down with this one? Is it bc I went all "gonna give it my all n if **** happens again im giving it up for good?"

Seems to be working, not giving a **** ne more just going out n having fun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

Third date with with Foodie Guy (he loves to eat - like me!) and it was WONDERFUL. He's so kind, smart, funny, and sincere! Both of us were less nervous tonight, and there's so much chemistry it's insane. 

After dinner we came back to my place. I opened a nice bottle of wine, took out some cozy blankets, and got the fire pit roaring in front of my new patio lounge. Talking and making out under a warm starry night = heaven. 

I've waited so long and waded through so many "meh" and "yikes" moments in dating to get here. Totally worth it.


----------



## philreag

spinsterdurga said:


> I'm going to try *******




Me too, maybe...


----------



## bravenewworld

philreag said:


> Me too, maybe...


You never know.....


----------



## tripad

philreag said:


> spinsterdurga said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm going to try *******
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Me too, maybe...
Click to expand...


Me too


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Just try ******* instead of the scam that is match.com
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




How does it work? I keep getting likes... Am I supposed to like them back?


----------



## RandomDude

Just msg them 

its free to chat, I found wowza after around msging 25 girls 12 of which responded and out of 12 I found wowza!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

DAMN IT the chemistry is SO STRONG I don't know if it's real or if she's just who I want her to be or if she is really being herself or if I'm really being myself and hell... I'm like half expecting a dealbreaker to pop out sooner or later, or heartbreak... WTF?! How come no matter how many disappointments I get I still get hopeful and giddy like a fking idiot... or is it just her? I dunno... WTF, it can't be THIS strong =/

AND WTF?! Number 2 as well?! Since friend zoning her she's been ALOT more interested WTF?! And there's another different kind of click with her! She's deep, really deep, we end up having really long and deep intellectual discussions, like can be a tad too serious at times, but alot deeper than wowza, and wowza mostly jokes around and then surprises me with her depth as well hidden with all her clever humor, BAH!

Sh-t =/

Ok... need to re-evaluate. Sh-t... just when I thought I chose wowza, #2 has made a comeback, think i'll call her miss shrink, cause she gets deep into my head!


----------



## ne9907

bravenewworld said:


> Third date with with Foodie Guy (he loves to eat - like me!) and it was WONDERFUL. He's so kind, smart, funny, and sincere! Both of us were less nervous tonight, and there's so much chemistry it's insane.
> 
> After dinner we came back to my place. I opened a nice bottle of wine, took out some cozy blankets, and got the fire pit roaring in front of my new patio lounge. Talking and making out under a warm starry night = heaven.
> 
> I've waited so long and waded through so many "meh" and "yikes" moments in dating to get here. Totally worth it.


:grin2:



RandomDude said:


> DAMN IT the chemistry is SO STRONG I don't know if it's real or if she's just who I want her to be or if she is really being herself or if I'm really being myself and hell... I'm like half expecting a dealbreaker to pop out sooner or later, or heartbreak... WTF?! How come no matter how many disappointments I get I still get hopeful and giddy like a fking idiot... or is it just her? I dunno... WTF, it can't be THIS strong =/
> 
> AND WTF?! Number 2 as well?! Since friend zoning her she's been ALOT more interested WTF?! And there's another different kind of click with her! She's deep, really deep, we end up having really long and deep intellectual discussions, like can be a tad too serious at times, but alot deeper than wowza, and wowza mostly jokes around and then surprises me with her depth as well hidden with all her clever humor, BAH!
> 
> Sh-t =/
> 
> Ok... need to re-evaluate. Sh-t... just when I thought I chose wowza, #2 has made a comeback, think i'll call her miss shrink, cause she gets deep into my head!


haha! Enjoy it RD, just enjoy (for now)


----------



## RandomDude

I was having a hard time choosing between wowza and miss shrink, then wowza continued to impress the bejebbies outta me and then miss shrink decides I'm suddenly more interesting since friendzoning her and she opened up, showed a side of her that I didn't really notice and there was just... *click* *click* *click*

... now what do I do?! How to enjoy such a thing? One is more than enough for me! >.<
FWBs is one thing, two girls at the same with good chemistry, a little too much for me to handle!

Bah, but meh, I am keeping her in the FZ, no choice, I have to. Just... maybe I think we should have some distance, cause she's compatible too, and that's dangerous.


----------



## tripad

Rd

Seriously ? So fast so easy .

Oh gosh . you must hot or what ?

Send us a pic ?


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> I was having a hard time choosing between wowza and miss shrink, then wowza continued to impress the bejebbies outta me and* then miss shrink decides I'm suddenly more interesting since friendzoning *her and she opened up, showed a side of her that I didn't really notice and there was just... *click* *click* *click*
> 
> ... now what do I do?! How to enjoy such a thing? One is more than enough for me! >.<
> FWBs is one thing, two girls at the same with good chemistry, a little too much for me to handle!
> 
> Bah, but meh, I am keeping her in the FZ, no choice, I have to. Just... maybe I think we should have some distance, cause she's compatible too, and that's dangerous.


Well, FZ miss shrink is a great plan since she began trying harder to impress you once you put her in the FZ. That screams "manipulation" to me.


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Wowza on our date said "ur better looking than average" and miss shrink only made a comment that hinted her attraction to my (supposed lol) intelligence 
Wowza has been pouring alot of honey in my ears recently but that's her words on our date, so that's the first impression I made.

Wouldn't say I'm THAT hot 

But... I AM SEXY! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Well, FZ miss shrink is a great plan since she began trying harder to impress you once you put her in the FZ. That screams "manipulation" to me.


Really? I dunno, it's kinda hard to fake brains, like ok maybe she's trying harder but maybe it's just a phase of wanting something she realised she can't have, but the chemistry with her, it's different, and I don't think its fake.


----------



## RandomDude

Freakin spent ALL night texting both of them at once too, was a very interesting experience! Talking about 2 completely different things repeatedly, one flirting and joking and having so much fun and honey pouring and teases and then sudden awesomeness and the other having this deep conversation I never had with anyone else for YEARS and her being suggestive there, and it was all like WTF?! lol

And ALL I did tonight was put music on and sat and texted, cooked and ate dinner at the same time lol!

I dunno, maybe I am hot and I just don't believe it because I turned 30! Unless turning 30 made me hotter


----------



## MRR

I am definitely more attractive at almost 45 than I was at 30. 

You are obviously attractive, and are good with women, but your inner dialogue is a bit dramatic. 

Previously you disparaged OLD and now you have 2 or 3 pretty terrific options from that, so I will, again, suggest you google Corey Wayne and Mark Manson. They have great relationship/dating advice. Kinda keeps things in perspective as they have both seen pretty much everything. Your situation is NOT unique.


----------



## GuyInColorado

30.. ha. You're so young. I'm 35 and still feel like I'm in my late 20's. I'm scared to hit 40 to tell you the truth. 

I thought I wanted to date young sexy women in their 20's, but I was finding women as the same age as much more sexy. Woman in their 20's just felt so immature. Ha. Most wanted kids and I was done with that stage, so I had to find someone that already had kids or just didn't want any. And I wanted a woman who was a mother and understood the challenges of kids, since I have two young kids. So much stuff to think about for the right one.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Could you really be in a relationship with someone who treats the idea having another partner as a serious option?? Could you really share a man? I couldnt, no way in hell. I'd rather be alone forever. Having a kink is one thing, but sharing your partner with someone else? Whole different level.


Fair enough... but leaving things open means that HE has to share ME, too...

And when you're poly, or you're open, you still make a commitment to be one another's primary partner. You may engage in other STRs or maybe even LTRs, but no one will ever be as LTR as your primary.

I'm still not sure how I feel about things. I still think that I would fall into the monogamish end of the scale, but I'm enjoying the non-exclusive openness of what I've got going on with Real Estate right now.

Especially since I've now worked a third guy into my rotation... when it rains, it pours, I guess?

You read that right b!tches, three guys. I'm a slvt. And it's a lot of fun


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Fair enough... but leaving things open means that HE has to share ME, too...
> 
> And when you're poly, or you're open, you still make a commitment to be one another's primary partner. You may engage in other STRs or maybe even LTRs, but no one will ever be as LTR as your primary.
> 
> I'm still not sure how I feel about things. I still think that I would fall into the monogamish end of the scale, but I'm enjoying the non-exclusive openness of what I've got going on with Real Estate right now.
> 
> Especially since I've now worked a third guy into my rotation... when it rains, it pours, I guess?
> 
> You read that right b!tches, three guys. I'm a slvt. And it's a lot of fun



haha woot!! Go FiP!!~~~
Awesomeness!!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> haha woot!! Go FiP!!~~~
> Awesomeness!!!!


Part of me is like, WTF is going on?!? Where are all these men coming from?!?

And OMG, #3 is smoking, smoking hot... I was so surprised when he asked me if I wanted to come back to his hotel with him, because I totally did NOT see that coming.

(He's a defense contractor, and he's in town 2-3 times/month for work.)


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Part of me is like, WTF is going on?!? Where are all these men coming from?!?
> 
> And OMG, #3 is smoking, smoking hot... I was so surprised when he asked me if I wanted to come back to his hotel with him, because I totally did NOT see that coming.
> 
> (He's a defense contractor, and he's in town 2-3 times/month for work.)


Defense contractors are hot just because they work with the DoD!
I would like to see photos!!

You are finally getting your due! see, the universe provides! 

I want sex! I am horny!


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Defense contractors are hot just because they work with the DoD!
> I would like to see photos!!
> 
> You are finally getting your due! see, the universe provides!
> 
> I want sex! I am horny!


DoD is purely casual. I doubt there will be pictures. If there are, I don't think they'll be suitable for TAM


----------



## vi_bride04

Enjoy it FIP!!! better now than when you have met someone you want to get serious with.

I have a couple of sexual bucket list items I would love to check off my list before getting involved seriously with someone again...!! Going to do my best to achieve that, lol


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Hmmm, that reminds me of the time there were 3 pilots on my base who I was seeing (and I used the term seeing loosely, because two were engaged) and they all showed up at my eye clinic at the same time. hahahahahah. I deadpanned the whole scenario and gave them numbers, like everyone else. One of them actually asked me to be the live-in babysitter if I wanted to go bootstrap ROTC, as when his fiance came she had kids and they would need looking after. Yah, right. 

Anyhow, that was a long a time ago. And I learned something, something important about attractive, sexy, men who want to sleep with you. They are fun to play around with in your youth, but don't have any high expectations of them.

I never did have any expectations of them as I already had a scholarship lined up at a university, on active duty no less. No big ideas about marrying any of them, or even seriously dating them (fraternization is a no-no, but more for them than for me, hehehehe. I wasn't risking anything, but they were risking a great deal.) And, I had an enlisted boyfriend who was a good guy, his nickname was Putz, ironically. Which means anything but good guy, but he didn't like officers, so you can guess what happened when I chose to go that route with my scholarship and OT. 

Not all fighter pilots be bad boys. My BIL was a very good guy and when I had my first baby in Japan, his buddies always took me to lunch and looked after me, they were big family guys, and some of them very good Mormons. 

Anyhow, BTDT. Lotsa fun, kinda stupid, but hey, kids will be kids. 

I always put on my health form, when they ask about # of partners, some big number, but never more than 1 at once. 
I doubt they read that sh&t anyhow.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

ne9907 said:


> Defense contractors are hot just because they work with the DoD!
> I would like to see photos!!
> 
> You are finally getting your due! see, the universe provides!
> 
> I want sex! I am horny!


Yes it is true, I am a Defense Contractor. I think it's a requirement to be hot. 

But I got used so much for sex that now I'm worn out by it. 
My long lunch hours are usually spent in...
restaurants.

Come to think of it, I did sleep with a rather slimy defense contractor who was cute and even sexy. But he was a gold-covered turd, so after I got some free computing equipment off of him and usurped his contract, I ditched him, and then he got blacklisted anyhow. I heard he's working for Microsoft now. It could happen to the best of us.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm surprised the Catholic Church has let me back in the doors. I'm just practicing for confession here, I haven't gone yet. There's a lot of ground to cover. I really shouldn't joke about it. I'm still counting up the damages.


----------



## RandomDude

The Catholic Church never let me back in the doors, only cause they end up burning down all around me as soon as I walk in


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Enjoy it FIP!!! better now than when you have met someone you want to get serious with.
> 
> I have a couple of sexual bucket list items I would love to check off my list before getting involved seriously with someone again...!! Going to do my best to achieve that, lol


Thanks!!! That's one of the things I like about Real Estate--he is very supportive in encouraging me to check off things on the bucket list, and is more than willing to help me check off those items. It's one of the things I like about him.


----------



## RandomDude

Slow day, lots of work, all 3 of us busy, and I think miss shrink has got the message, she's backed off. Wowza and I have 2 dates planned, will update.

But hell, I noticed I am so much smoother when I don't give a sh-t about anything and alot more restraint/cautious/self-conscious leading to... meh... when I start to think too much.


----------



## ne9907

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Yes it is true, I am a Defense Contractor. I think it's a requirement to be hot.
> 
> But I got used so much for sex that now I'm worn out by it.
> My long lunch hours are usually spent in...
> restaurants.
> 
> Come to think of it, I did sleep with a rather slimy defense contractor who was cute and even sexy. But he was a gold-covered turd, so after I got some free computing equipment off of him and usurped his contract, I ditched him, and then he got blacklisted anyhow. I heard he's working for Microsoft now. It could happen to the best of us.


Last week, after my weekly round with the ugly-but-big-****-guy I was worn out and did not want sex at all. We normally have sex three to four times in a session...
Well of course now I am craving it, but he is busy all week moving, so gotta find someone else..


----------



## tripad

Ahem

Ladies 

All the big d**k story is making me feel really hot over here. 

It's bad when I don't have a **** of any size. 

?


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Last week, after my weekly round with the ugly-but-big-****-guy I was worn out and did not want sex at all. We normally have sex three to four times in a session...
> Well of course now I am craving it, but he is busy all week moving, so gotta find someone else..


Isn't that the best, when they wear you out so that you are just... completely useless for anything else?

My XH used to complain that I was insatiable, that I wanted more sex than any man could reasonably be expected to provide.

Turned out he just lacked the skills to do the job right. :grin2:


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> Ahem
> 
> Ladies
> 
> All the big d**k story is making me feel really hot over here.
> 
> It's bad when I don't have a **** of any size.
> 
> ?


You can get it bad enough if you want, you are a woman.... So easy to get laid


----------



## hope4family

vi_bride04 said:


> You can get it bad enough if you want, you are a woman.... So easy to get laid


Not painfully hard if you are a man either. Although it might be easier to quote the saying of "men pursue, women choose."


----------



## RandomDude

I'm infactuated, and it frightens me


----------



## Acoa

RandomDude said:


> I'm infactuated, and it frightens me


Infatuated? or thoroughly engrossed with facts, data, the raw materials of anything?

If it's infatuation, good for you man. Enjoy it, just set some limits and don't take anything too fast. 

If it's the later, I'm at a loss.


----------



## RandomDude

Just dont feel in control anymore... meh


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Just dont feel in control anymore... meh


oh RD... you make me laugh...

It is okay if you do not feel in control. Remember Miss Pony? that is exactly how you felt, you will get used to these feelings. Perfectly normal.

Btw, I read your other thread about height issue during sex. Normal. Most of my lovers have been over 6 feet tall. I am 4'11"
It does create a conflict, but we have managed. The tallest man I have ever been with is 6'4", was some of the best sex ever (for both).


----------



## vi_bride04

RD, you over think so much.


----------



## MRR

Feeling like a real failure. 

Cute girl at work w/ boyfriend who showed interest for a couple of weeks, I should have just asked her out and got it over with; now the 'window' has passed and I have made weak attempts to engage her. I am so bad at this. IM'd her a couple times over the last week. Nothing specific to report but I am sure I look weak to her. Now, I know she would tell me she had a boyfriend (despite showing definite signs of interest) but I wanted to do it just because I am BAD at this and wanted her to think I am confident, etc., which I think she thought when she first started working near my area probably 6 weeks ago and she started noticing me around the break areas/conference rooms etc. 

Today I IM'd her and she didn't even respond. And it was just small talk. 

Combine that with asking the FWB if she wanted to get together -- asked her twice in the last week-- and then the online thing---> bad date/meet up a week ago and a few women chatting with me that I am not sure about. Not excited at all though I know if I ask now one or two of them will be willing to meet. Again, there is a window so they will get bored/see me as weak if I do not ask soon. 

Ok so feeling like pulling a RD and just shutting the whole 'meeting women' thing down altogether. Be celibate. 

Sounds like a pity party, but yes, I am down about it. Especially instant messaging the girl here and no response. blah. I will probably see her tomorrow and I probably made her uncomfortable. 

Part of me wants to send her an email and just apologize and most of me knows that a) that will make it worse, and b) that is NOT going to help me get better at meeting and interacting with women I am interested in.


----------



## TooNice

Just sharing an article I saw today. It talks about women, but I think easily applies to men, too. My favorite line in the opening is a good lead in: "women who lose their lying ingrate of a partner to another woman actually win in the long run". Haha-I'm just hung up on the phrase 'lying ingrate' for some reason! 

Anyway...
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-2483...on-by-men-win-in-the-long-run-study-says.html

(And to be fair, I could care less about Beyonce and whether she chooses to leave or stay-I just liked how the article backs up what many of us state about being picky. Because we can be. ❤)

~Just breathe.


----------



## TooNice

MRR said:


> Part of me wants to send her an email and just apologize and most of me knows that a) that will make it worse, and b) that is NOT going to help me get better at meeting and interacting with women I am interested in.


 
You are right on all counts. Let it go and move on. We all have rough periods...and you'll get through this one. You are recognizing what you should (and should not) do, so that's great! It's hard to put ourselves back out there, and I feel like many of us put too much pressure on ourselves to succeed right away. 

Hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day.


----------



## ne9907

MRR said:


> Feeling like a real failure.
> 
> Cute girl at work w/ boyfriend who showed interest for a couple of weeks, I should have just asked her out and got it over with; now the 'window' has passed and I have made weak attempts to engage her. I am so bad at this. IM'd her a couple times over the last week. Nothing specific to report but I am sure I look weak to her. Now, I know she would tell me she had a boyfriend (despite showing definite signs of interest) but I wanted to do it just because I am BAD at this and wanted her to think I am confident, etc., which I think she thought when she first started working near my area probably 6 weeks ago and she started noticing me around the break areas/conference rooms etc.
> 
> Today I IM'd her and she didn't even respond. And it was just small talk.
> 
> Combine that with asking the FWB if she wanted to get together -- asked her twice in the last week-- and then the online thing---> bad date/meet up a week ago and a few women chatting with me that I am not sure about. Not excited at all though I know if I ask now one or two of them will be willing to meet. Again, there is a window so they will get bored/see me as weak if I do not ask soon.
> 
> Ok so feeling like pulling a RD and just shutting the whole 'meeting women' thing down altogether. Be celibate.
> 
> Sounds like a pity party, but yes, I am down about it. Especially instant messaging the girl here and no response. blah. I will probably see her tomorrow and I probably made her uncomfortable.
> 
> Part of me wants to send her an email and just apologize and most of me knows that a) that will make it worse, and b) that is NOT going to help me get better at meeting and interacting with women I am interested in.


Take a break. Definitely leave your co worker alone. No small talk, nothing! Everyone gets tired of "dating" now and again. It is normal.
I got back on Tinder again. I am communicating with four men. I am actually exaggerating when I say communicating, I get bored when I see their messages. I forget to reply, or I simply wait until the next morning to reply, I am getting lazy haha!! 
Just take a break!




TooNice said:


> Just sharing an article I saw today. It talks about women, but I think easily applies to men, too. My favorite line in the opening is a good lead in: "women who lose their lying ingrate of a partner to another woman actually win in the long run". Haha-I'm just hung up on the phrase 'lying ingrate' for some reason!
> 
> Anyway...
> Study: Women Who Are Cheated On By Men "Win" In The Long Run - mindbodygreen.com
> 
> (And to be fair, I could care less about Beyonce and whether she chooses to leave or stay-I just liked how the article backs up what many of us state about being picky. Because we can be. ❤)
> 
> ~Just breathe.


I read that one too!! I totally agree.


----------



## unsure78

MRR what were the signals she was sending that made you think she was interested?

Just curious because 1 ) she has a bf 2) over the years I have had more than a few guys that ive worked with misinterpreting me just being nice and having regular conversation with them as interest ( not that im saying thats is what is happening with you). I guess they were just not used to a pretty girl not being a b1tch to them and willing to talk with them (note:work with a lot of engineering/science type guys, not the most socially aware). 

So just curious...


----------



## MRR

unsure78 said:


> MRR what were the signals she was sending that made you think she was interested?
> 
> Just curious because 1 ) she has a bf 2) over the years I have had more than a few guys that ive worked with misinterpreting me just being nice and having regular conversation with them as interest ( not that im saying thats is what is happening with you). I guess they were just not used to a pretty girl not being a b1tch to them and willing to talk with them (note:work with a lot of engineering/science type guys, not the most socially aware).
> 
> So just curious...


i totally understand what you are saying. she is pretty quiet around the office, doesnt acknowledge strangers much, and did me even though we didnt know each other. 

she went out of her way, and when she saw me she would turn her whole body towards me to face me directly, then when i looked at her, big smile. this was blatant, and i am friendly with many women at work. i think she was attracted for sure, i just handled it very poorly and now i feel like the creepy guy.


----------



## FeministInPink

MRR--sometimes we see what we want to see, not what's really there.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> oh RD... you make me laugh...
> 
> It is okay if you do not feel in control. Remember Miss Pony? that is exactly how you felt, you will get used to these feelings. Perfectly normal.
> 
> Btw, I read your other thread about height issue during sex. Normal. Most of my lovers have been over 6 feet tall. I am 4'11"
> It does create a conflict, but we have managed. The tallest man I have ever been with is 6'4", was some of the best sex ever (for both).


I dunno... felt a little weird when walking with her holding her close, used to girls around my height. But I guess over time ill get used to it.

im not sure I like this feeling of infactuation, but hey I wanted it deep down so... might as well try to make it work n if it doesnt work then I can go to my comfort zone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

MRR said:


> Feeling like a real failure.
> 
> Cute girl at work w/ boyfriend who showed interest for a couple of weeks, I should have just asked her out and got it over with; now the 'window' has passed and I have made weak attempts to engage her. I am so bad at this. IM'd her a couple times over the last week. Nothing specific to report but I am sure I look weak to her. Now, I know she would tell me she had a boyfriend (despite showing definite signs of interest) but I wanted to do it just because I am BAD at this and wanted her to think I am confident, etc., which I think she thought when she first started working near my area probably 6 weeks ago and she started noticing me around the break areas/conference rooms etc.
> 
> Today I IM'd her and she didn't even respond. And it was just small talk.
> 
> Combine that with asking the FWB if she wanted to get together -- asked her twice in the last week-- and then the online thing---> bad date/meet up a week ago and a few women chatting with me that I am not sure about. Not excited at all though I know if I ask now one or two of them will be willing to meet. Again, there is a window so they will get bored/see me as weak if I do not ask soon.
> 
> Ok so feeling like pulling a RD and just shutting the whole 'meeting women' thing down altogether. Be celibate.
> 
> Sounds like a pity party, but yes, I am down about it. Especially instant messaging the girl here and no response. blah. I will probably see her tomorrow and I probably made her uncomfortable.
> 
> Part of me wants to send her an email and just apologize and most of me knows that a) that will make it worse, and b) that is NOT going to help me get better at meeting and interacting with women I am interested in.


They probably sense that you are not head over heels interested in them specifically, that is, there is nothing special about them in particular that you're enthusiastic about, over any other woman. Women who want a terrific relationship over just a good one, have a way of sensing this. It's hard to explain, but if there is no 'click' in that special place close to their heart and mind...a sensible woman will steer clear. When a guy is communicating with more than one woman, it shows in the language used, it tends to be more generic. You might not specifically be able to pinpoint or quantify it, but I can assure you that it's there. When you are sincere about one woman that you have your heart set on (short of stalking of course) you will get much better results and you won't even be thinking about confidence.


----------



## MRR

FeministInPink said:


> MRR--sometimes we see what we want to see, not what's really there.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk


I totally get what you and the other post was saying, but I also get that I am in tune enough to notice. It wasn't like she was obsessed with me, but when you work in a big office and move to a new area and (this happens a lot here) you start seeing new people pretty regularly throughout the work week-- it is pretty common to think, hey he/she is pretty cute, and there is that cute guy/girl again, and it can definitely show up in your face and body language. 

Nothing was going to happen even if I had handled it like I know I should have which would have been direct, except that she would have respected me and now I am afraid she feels uncomfortable. (THIS I hope I am wrong about...but like I said I feel like a creepy guy now!!! ugh.)

Again, with all due respect, there was an attraction. I do not believe she wanted to break up with her bf over it or any delusion like that, I just want to be better at acting confidently with women that I am interested in even when they do have to tell me they are in a relationship. 

Which is what leads me to say maybe I should just RD it (celibate) and not be open to romantic interaction at all, that way my indifference will be genuine and congruent with my intentions (of not being in a relationship). Very much a defeatist attitude but I do feel like it is taking up too much of my mental energy.


----------



## MRR

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> They probably sense that you are not head over heels interested in them specifically, that is, there is nothing special about them in particular that you're enthusiastic about, over any other woman. Women who want a terrific relationship over just a good one, have a way of sensing this. It's hard to explain, but if there is no 'click' in that special place close to their heart and mind...a sensible woman will steer clear. When a guy is communicating with more than one woman, it shows in the language used, it tends to be more generic. You might not specifically be able to pinpoint or quantify it, but I can assure you that it's there. When you are sincere about one woman that you have your heart set on (short of stalking of course) you will get much better results and you won't even be thinking about confidence.


Honestly, I don't think this is the case at all. I think she felt I *was* interested but b/c I didn't express it, she LOST interest-- and the fact that she has a boyfriend made it much easier to do so. 

If--in saying I am not 'head over heels into her'-- you are referring to the OLD women I chatted with (very lazily and sporadically), this is only in the last 5-7 days and I am not into it at all (or I would have asked to meet). The thing with the girl in my office is a kind of flirting for 5-6 weeks now, but mostly inaction on my part. 

Just saw her now, and kinda fortunately was in conversation with a colleague. She did see me and smile but it seemed like more of a perfunctory smile compared to the first several times she saw me. 

My concern now is just hoping she says something to me to kind of clear the air (then I will be able to move on-- it is weighing on me right now in a bad way) 

and then to

a)back off the whole dating thing and 

b)find a better idea of my purpose, to care less about women I don't know (not in an 'uncaring' way), and to just invest in myself, become confident.


----------



## RandomDude

MRR said:


> Which is what leads me to say maybe I should just RD it (celibate) and not be open to romantic interaction at all, that way my indifference will be genuine and congruent with my intentions (of not being in a relationship). Very much a defeatist attitude but I do feel like it is taking up too much of my mental energy.


Well, don't know how to advise on that, but I can offer a perspective of one who travels this road quite often, and only came out of it again recently: It also takes energy to be celibate, it's not like you won't feel attraction or get turned on. When it comes to that lifestyle you're going to have to keep looking to kill your desires.

For me, I've reached the point that despite how promising my new date is becoming, another side of me still wants to use it as an excuse to go celibate again and for me to use it as an excuse, I'm going to have to get hurt by it, so I'm opening up right now and vulnerable.

And I don't think even if I'm hurt by this one I'll give up. In a few years the desire will come back and I'll have to kill it again. So hey, giving up, takes energy as well. In the end you will just have to weigh the pros and cons and choose what is best for the time being.

For now, my celibate plans are on hold, and checking out this new date.


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Well, don't know how to advise on that, but I can offer a perspective of one who travels this road quite often, and only came out of it again recently: It also takes energy to be celibate, it's not like you won't feel attraction or get turned on. When it comes to that lifestyle you're going to have to keep looking to kill your desires.
> 
> For me, I've reached the point that despite how promising my new date is becoming, another side of me still wants to use it as an excuse to go celibate again and for me to use it as an excuse, I'm going to have to get hurt by it, so I'm opening up right now and vulnerable.
> 
> And I don't think even if I'm hurt by this one I'll give up. In a few years the desire will come back and I'll have to kill it again. So hey, giving up, takes energy as well. In the end you will just have to weigh the pros and cons and choose what is best for the time being.
> 
> For now, my celibate plans are on hold, and checking out this new date.


I do not doubt that it is difficult at all, but....as I said, I feel like a failure right now. 

I imagine the energy I am spending on trying to be OUT of my comfort zone, and do a better job of meeting and attracting women, could be better spent on a different purpose. That's my feeling at the moment but I have no doubt it is easier said than done.


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## RandomDude

As for your interest, I don't like to go for attached women, period, but that's just me. Limits my pool abit but meh, fk it.

Also, as for texting, it can be a good indication level whether a woman is interested in you or not, but you need to know her schedule as well; for example, if a woman is working full-time hours then you can't expect her to be able to respond quickly if at all. Even when she's with her friends it's rude to pull out a phone and text. But when she's alone/not busy and she takes ages to respond, red flag. So for me, I have a day-to-day waiting period, if she doesn't respond for a full day then she'd better have an excuse. If not, she's clearly not interested so I would move on. And vice versa if I don't respond to her all night because I passed out as soon as I got home I will make sure to let her know that so she won't get the wrong impression - and vice versa again if she doesn't explain herself then it's obvious ur feelings dont really matter to her.

As for failure, it did take me a while to find what works when it comes to OLD again, offline it was pretty much luck of the draw for someone interesting to pop up in my life like miss pony, but then there's the dealbreakers. OLD... I'm very picky on tinder, swiped right to only ~2% of photos I saw. I got matches sure but few of them had any real chemistry, and even the one I thought there might be chemistry with... met her and went WTF. Then match.com, wow, 1 replied back out of 100, if any site can make you feel like a failure it's match.com! Then *******, and hey, it works - but maybe I got lucky because all the girls I've talked to from there including the one I'm seeing and the ones I FZed, told me that it's very rare for a good match to show up.

You said you feel like a failure and that you can spend your energy elsewhere, that's how I normally think to before going on a celibate run, and I have alot on my plate already to take my mind off human mating. In a way, in the face of failure I look for success in other endeavours so I can avoid feeling depressed about the failure. Not sure if it's the healthiest way to do it but it's what I do and so far it helps. 

But that's just me...


----------



## MRR

as far as the 'texting' it was actually an instant messenger at work, and it shows 'available', 'in a meeting', etc., it is VERY rare to have an instant message completely ignored at work. (Yes I know at work is not a good place to find dates but I work in a complex with 5-7K people and this is frankly where I spend all my time)

So...she did ignore it, including the apology. And I saw her this am. 

Also, I am a failing at being direct with women in person. She knew I was interested and she was at the very least attracted, and I beat around the bush in a weak way-- being very indirect, etc.-- after I know she was interested by the way she acted around me the first couple weeks we started working in the same area. 

Really, I have no issues with OLD and have met 10-12 women in the last year that way and it would have been more if one I hadn't basically become FWB with last summer. Most have been really good to meet though most were also not matches. 

I am terrible at approaching, expressing interest, asking for date. Very good with women I am not interested in but awful otherwise, and becoming TOO focused on it, hence the 'celibate' thing.


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## RandomDude

Well, not sure if you are ready to pursue celibacy, it takes alot more disappointment - for me anyway to push me over the edge. Miss pony wasn't enough of a disappointment, more of a frustration that got my temper flared up and made me go "ONE MORE SHOT OR I GIVE UP FOR GOOD" even though deep down I know saying "for good" is just to satisfy that side of me that likes ultimatums, and ultimately I'll want to try again when I feel better about it (like, in a year)

If you feel you are putting too much effort into it then slow it down, give it a soft break, don't pursue it too hard. Just let it happen, sooner or later you'll have opportunities present themselves as long as you are open and putting yourself out there - you need to at least put in that much effort.

As for your work lady, in my opinion it's still work, she could be "available" bc she's not in a meeting but she could still have things to do that takes priority - unless her job is only meetings. How long did it take for her to return the text?


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## ne9907

MRR said:


> as far as the 'texting' it was actually an instant messenger at work, and it shows 'available', 'in a meeting', etc., it is VERY rare to have an instant message completely ignored at work. (Yes I know at work is not a good place to find dates but I work in a complex with 5-7K people and this is frankly where I spend all my time)
> 
> So...she did ignore it, including the apology. And I saw her this am.
> 
> Also, I am a failing at being direct with women in person. She knew I was interested and she was at the very least attracted, and I beat around the bush in a weak way-- being very indirect, etc.-- after I know she was interested by the way she acted around me the first couple weeks we started working in the same area.
> 
> Really, I have no issues with OLD and have met 10-12 women in the last year that way and it would have been more if one I hadn't basically become FWB with last summer. Most have been really good to meet though most were also not matches.
> 
> I am terrible at approaching, expressing interest, asking for date. Very good with women I am not interested in but awful otherwise, and becoming TOO focused on it, hence the 'celibate' thing.



Would you say this woman's rejection hurts more than others?
Why is that?

Also, do you consider yourself attractive?


----------



## MRR

RandomDude said:


> Well, not sure if you are ready to pursue celibacy, it takes alot more disappointment - for me anyway to push me over the edge. Miss pony wasn't enough of a disappointment, more of a frustration that got my temper flared up and made me go "ONE MORE SHOT OR I GIVE UP FOR GOOD" even though deep down I know saying "for good" is just to satisfy that side of me that likes ultimatums, and ultimately I'll want to try again when I feel better about it (like, in a year)
> 
> If you feel you are putting too much effort into it then slow it down, give it a soft break, don't pursue it too hard. Just let it happen, sooner or later you'll have opportunities present themselves as long as you are open and putting yourself out there - you need to at least put in that much effort.
> 
> As for your work lady, in my opinion it's still work, she could be "available" bc she's not in a meeting but she could still have things to do that takes priority - unless her job is only meetings. How long did it take for her to return the text?


She did not respond at all. Sent to her yesterday. No response yesterday nor this AM and then saw her this morning. 

like I said, these are not texts to her phone. They pop up on her work computer and 99.9999% of the time the person responds, even if it is just casual banter. 

I know over time this feeling will subside, and even when I see her it wont be a big deal but it is really bugging me right now. Not that she didn't respond-- though if she does it will def help-- but the way that I acted about the whole thing, going back several weeks. 

I don't WANT to date her if she is in a relationship, but like I said, I should have forced her hand, so to speak, by being direct with my interest. It has become a much bigger thing on my mind by not doing that, and knowing that I acted and appear weak-- which has always been my problem with women I am interested in and I thought I had made at least a bit of progress.


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## RandomDude

Oh? Well if it's on a work computer then she could have just dismissed it as unimportant as she's working! Get her personal number and see if she responds differently, not during working hours where there is always a face to put up and responsibilities to prioritise. Her not responding to a text popping up on a work computer is alot different from her not responding to a personal text she's bound to be able to read n reply before she sleeps if she's interested.

Anyway we all do stupid things we regret when interested, I do it too, I just don't talk about it or pay it too much mind, it just happens, and if she can't accept the times when you're clumsy then how are you to feel comfortable around her?


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## MRR

ok well, it is very unusual to have a message like this ignored; typically someone would let you know they are tied up, or at least respond. Not much I can do about it now other than just try to forget about it and act normal when I see her I guess!


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## MRR

ne9907 said:


> Would you say this woman's rejection hurts more than others?
> Why is that?
> 
> Also, do you consider yourself attractive?


Yes I am attractive. 

It is not so much that the rejection hurts, it is that it is how I acted (weak, unconfident) caused her to *probably* feel uncomfortable, annoyed, or in some way NOT attracted, after she was previously attracted. I caused her attraction level to go down. The rejection, if it had actually happened, would have been great actually, considering I am about 99.9999% sure she has a bf.


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## foolscotton3

My gf found this at at rummage sale

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

We can't be smooth all the time MRR

My date finally sent me a photo of her without makeup after plenty of resistance, with bad lighting and her being tired, "ahh, I know why, you want to see what I look like when I wake up" heh she's so blunt and funny, told me her last date didn't text her for a few days and went back to the dating sites after seeing her non-makeup photo lol - And... she's fine, she still has a great smile. I maybe shallow, but personality does win out in the end of the day. More worried if we can fit our schedules really, she works 6 days a week and well... I have my little one too. =/ So... may be tough.


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## tripad

Tried ok cupid 

Must say less scam ard. 

Still it doesn't seem to work. 

I think the problem is that I maintained myself fit n well but people my age have let themselves go over the cliff. 

Younger guys text me but I shoo them off. Way too young. I am 47, they 30 plus. They didn't believe my age. 

One single hunky guy fit n healthy, 42, is the only physically compatible one. He guess I am 35. But in his questions m answers. He mentions he wanted kids in future but I don't. He is hot for sex and looking for sex n then possible relationship 

Unless I just view him as a sex buddy only. Then it may work.


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## RandomDude

Errr, if you have an age preference, just add it into your criteria. And give it time, it won't be overnight.


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## tripad

I can do that. It may not help. 

People my age either goes over the cliff n not physically compatible, or they are fit n good lookoling n may prefer young ladies. Or just plain sex , not love. 

They younger ones who showed interest, I am worried they are looking for an older more financially able woman for money supply.


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## MRR

tripad said:


> I can do that. It may not help.
> 
> People my age either goes over the cliff n not physically compatible, or they are fit n good lookoling n may prefer young ladies. Or just plain sex , not love.
> 
> They younger ones who showed interest, I am worried they are looking for an older more financially able woman for money supply.


I am 45 this fall and despite having cancer 2x, I am in very good shape and look early 30s (that is what people usually guess). I have had a few people mention it on dating sites too. And....you are right. I have seen people on there showing they are, say 39, and they look mid-50s.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> I can do that. It may not help.
> 
> People my age either goes over the cliff n not physically compatible, or they are fit n good lookoling n may prefer young ladies. Or just plain sex , not love.
> 
> They younger ones who showed interest, I am worried they are looking for an older more financially able woman for money supply.


Just work the numbers, and try not to judge too soon before you even met them.


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## tripad

Maybe I am jumping to conclusion too soon soon. too much fear perhaps?


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## tripad

Are you in Singapore? 

I date you 

Really getting bored
Lol


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> I can do that. It may not help.
> 
> People my age either goes over the cliff n not physically compatible, or they are fit n good lookoling n may prefer young ladies. Or just plain sex , not love.
> 
> They younger ones who showed interest, I am worried they are looking for an older more financially able woman for money supply.




I find the same issue in my area. As a result, I have tended to date men who are in their mid to late 30's (I am a young and fit 44). Like you said, Tripad, men in their 40s around me tend to either look in their 50s, or the fit ones are looking for younger women. 

It may be different in your culture, but I have yet to have money be a motivator for younger men. Many are truly attracted to older women and our experience level. The last guy I dated was much younger than I am. I miss him... 

RD is right-just set the filter for age, that should help. And give it time. I met some great guys on OkC.


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## MRR

TooNice said:


> I find the same issue in my area. As a result, I have tended to date men who are in their mid to late 30's (I am a young and fit 44). Like you said, Tripad, men in their 40s around me tend to either look in their 50s, or the fit ones are looking for younger women.
> 
> It may be different in your culture, but I have yet to have money be a motivator for younger men. Many are truly attracted to older women and our experience level. The last guy I dated was much younger than I am. I miss him...
> 
> RD is right-just set the filter for age, that should help. And give it time. I met some great guys on OkC.


Totally agree on the money thing. Of the 12-15 women I have met in the last year or so, money has never been a topic. 

And same thing for the women as far as aging. There are many who take care of themselves but even more that look so much older than I do even though they are not. I tend to gravitate to the late 30s women who do take care of themselves. But there are even younger women who look, like I said, in their 50s. I don't look at the men's profiles but I imagine they can be pretty bad too.


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## tripad

Thank goodness. 

You guys n gals here at TAM keeping my sanity. 

Sometimes I feel like an alien on earth. Communicating via satellite to fellow mates in TAM


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## Red Sonja

tripad said:


> I think the problem is that I maintained myself fit n well but people my age have let themselves go over the cliff.
> 
> Younger guys text me but I shoo them off. Way too young. I am 47, they 30 plus. They didn't believe my age.


Yup, I have the same problem, online and in real life. I will be 60 years old in September and I am sooo tired of people actually arguing with me about my age.

Or, young guys chatting me up, thinking I am 30ish and then I take off my sunglasses (crows feet). BAM!

Sometimes it's amusing or flattering, but mostly it gets annoying. It has taught me to empathize with my Mom, who had the same problem ... people always thought she was out and about with her "friends", I remember her saying "I'm the MOTHER" to strangers all the time.


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## tripad

Good genes we have


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## tripad

Yup they guess I am 35-37

Even ladies at cosmetics counter guess that. 

I suppose it is a good problem to have. If I am married, the husband may be proud to have a young looking wife. But I am divorced. So looking for a bf brings out the problem. 

Either I accept a old looking person for similar age which is quite tough if I am going to have sex with him. Or to accept a younger man who most likely may not be financially stable which is not possible for me after what my ex did.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Or to accept a younger man who most likely may not be financially stable which is not possible for me after what my ex did.



I respectfully disagree on this point. Some of the younger men I have dated are more financially stable than I am. (I do fine, but post divorce, kid in college, etc.) I have dated younger men who are lawyers, engineers, etc. Money never came into discussion. Younger men tend to be more willing to let you split the check on the first date or two, also. I prefer that. 

As far as I am concerned, the only real deal breaker when dating a younger guy is if he wants kids. If he's decided he doesn't, and he's not young enough to be my own kid, then he's datable. ;-)

I suggest you consider talking to some younger men, tripad. You may be pleasantly surprised!


----------



## tripad

Maybe it's my own mind set. 

I think the younger man, if successful on his own, may prefer the younger catch. 

N if they go for older ladies, it's for the money. 

Maybe it's just me n my brains n the horror stories I heard.


----------



## RandomDude

You're jumping to conclusions and you have dated... how many?


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## tripad

Dated none

But none asked for a date. 

They asked for a fuzk


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## RandomDude

Are you sure that they are that inappropriate? Copy and paste some messages for us


----------



## tripad

Other the cute neighbour who asked twice during the thick of my divorce n depression n I rejected so he has a gf now I think. 

N the young man 15 years younger and who stays with his mum. He asked for a date. I didn't reply. 

Now there's a cute guy guy just 6 years younger who suggestively said he would like to cart me home now, does that count as a date ask? Should I say ok cart me back?


----------



## tripad

Let me get home n after kids go to bed, I'll copy n paste whatever I can find. 

Pretty sure it is that inappropriate. One didn't give up n tried to have phone sex and ask if I am getting hot now!


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Other the cute neighbour who asked twice during the thick of my divorce n depression n I rejected so he has a gf now I think.


Will you please stop thinking about your neighbour?

You know you've gone in circles around him for years.



> N the young man 15 years younger and who stays with his mum. He asked for a date. I didn't reply.


Cold...



> Now there's a cute guy guy just 6 years younger who suggestively said he would like to cart me home now, does that count as a date ask? Should I say ok cart me back?





tripad said:


> One didn't give up n tried to have phone sex and ask if I am getting hot now!


So, ok that's 1 guy who asked you out and 2 guys who are inappropriate. This is OLD, you're going to get those.

Rather mean to that young man don't you think? Regardless if you want to find someone decent there you have to make sure the decent guys don't bypass you.


----------



## tripad

Mention neighbour as part of data. erased him from mind already. 

Young guy is a little of a stalker. Told him I prefer men my age. N he text relentlessly for a few days. I fear that he may a character out of the movie " my crazy ex ".


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## RandomDude

Fair enough but thats just only 3, I had through 25 of them to find 2 who were bearable. And thats me being lucky. You should expect to go through 50 or 100 conversations. At least ******* gives u that option unlike match
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BlueWoman

RandomDude said:


> Fair enough but thats just only 3, I had through 25 of them to find 2 who were bearable. And thats me being lucky. You should expect to go through 50 or 100 conversations. At least ******* gives u that option unlike match
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This was my problem. Then, I decided I didn't want a boyfriend bad enough to have 50 or 100 conversations just to find 1 who might be bearable.


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## Miss Independent

I'm meeting up with someone from *******. I'll report back on what happens


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## tripad

That's gg to be tough. Some I don't reply as we r physically not compatible, I mean, I can't imagine kissing him. 

So I only reply to one so far, the cute tall guy who wants to cart me home but he said that as a joke I guess as he has not followed up on it. Not sure. Proceed and see. 

Continue to see. Let set it at 50 to get a date. Or I will shut it down.


----------



## Miss Independent

The date was okay. He bought his own coffee, and I bought mine which was a turn off. He's nice but didn't do anything to make it a date instead of meet up between two friends. 

He asked for a second date but I just said "maybe"... Honestly I'm not sure I want to go out with him again.


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## tripad

Yup 

No second date if I pay on first date. 

It need not be expensive.


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## RandomDude

Thinking of dumping wowza, shes a great girl, but... our schedules r incompatible, theres also the whole thing with "financial stability" again. Im cool with it after getting to know ex gf but miss pony really spoiled me.

I dunno...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BlueWoman

tripad said:


> Yup
> 
> No second date if I pay on first date.
> 
> It need not be expensive.


In theory, I agree with this statement, but in the world of online dating I think there needs to be some flexibility. More often than not, the first date isn't really a date. It really is more of a meet and greet to see if you want to date. 

My general rule (when I am dating) is I pay my way the first time. It's usually for coffee. Then, if we actually have a date I expect him to pay.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Thinking of dumping wowza, shes a great girl, but... our schedules r incompatible, theres also the whole thing with "financial stability" again. Im cool with it after getting to know ex gf but miss pony really spoiled me.
> 
> I dunno...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Rd 

What do you mean? Financial compatibility? 

U are financially stable n you are the man. So that should be ok? As long as the woman is not a hold digger? 

How did ms pony spoil you?


----------



## RandomDude

I hate having to promise stability as I take risks and gamble. I'm taking alot of risk now this year more than I've ever undertaken before. She's a simple girl, wants her financial future secured, what you think will happen if I start to struggle? Miss pony is simply, another type of woman, one that I normally look for cause I know she was the type that would stand by me.

I don't know... it's rare I find chemistry like this, "same wavelength", a very rare quality in relationships. But damn we just have no time for each other, she has her family as well, but not her kids, her parents! They are her dependents, so fitting time together is tough. Meh


----------



## tripad

Time you have to create to spend with your loved ones. 

Even if you are rich now, it doesn't mean forever. Look at that steel millionaire who just committed suicide.


----------



## Mr The Other

GuyInColorado said:


> 30.. ha. You're so young. I'm 35 and still feel like I'm in my late 20's. I'm scared to hit 40 to tell you the truth.
> 
> I thought I wanted to date young sexy women in their 20's, but I was finding women as the same age as much more sexy. Woman in their 20's just felt so immature. Ha. Most wanted kids and I was done with that stage, so I had to find someone that already had kids or just didn't want any. And I wanted a woman who was a mother and understood the challenges of kids, since I have two young kids. So much stuff to think about for the right one.


I live in a college town, but I am finding it fun and depressing. I am 39. I hate to say I look young as most people say that, so I will qualify to add that when I say my age it is often met with shock or genuine disbelief. 

I was in San Francisco with an old friend, who saw a woman he liked in a group of three. So, I brought them over, introduced him to the lady he liked and became friendly with the friend, who seemed interesting, lively and smart, we got on well and we were becoming intimate when I learned she was in SF for buy her wedding dress.

Then, locally I meet women who have not aged well, but are convinced I should be truely grateful to be considered as a candidate to meet their physical, emotional, and financial needs. 

Then I meet girls much younger, and have a much better time.


----------



## Miss Independent

BlueWoman said:


> In theory, I agree with this statement, but in the world of online dating I think there needs to be some flexibility. More often than not, the first date isn't really a date. It really is more of a meet and greet to see if you want to date.
> 
> 
> 
> My general rule (when I am dating) is I pay my way the first time. It's usually for coffee. Then, if we actually have a date I expect him to pay.




I agreed to go out with him again. 

He just told me that he's illegal, so I'm not sure about the whole thing.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Time you have to create to spend with your loved ones.
> 
> Even if you are rich now, it doesn't mean forever. Look at that steel millionaire who just committed suicide.


Thats the problem, most women want to marry into wealth or security, truth is good n bad times will occur, the real question is whether shell stick around when its tight, to make short term sacrifices for the long term goal. I couldn't see ex gf doing that,nor wowza. Miss pony I could, ex wife I could.

I dont know 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Thats the problem, most women want to marry into wealth or security, truth is good n bad times will occur, the real question is whether shell stick around when its tight, to make short term sacrifices for the long term goal. I couldn't see ex gf doing that,nor wowza. Miss pony I could, ex wife I could.
> 
> 
> 
> I dont know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




You've only known her a few weeks, yet you know how she would act in bad times? 

You don't like to be happy. I'm sorry, but you come across as someone who likes to "create" issues when there's none.


----------



## RandomDude

I trust my instincts, if u think that makes me 'negative' thats up to u
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> I trust my instincts, if u think that makes me 'negative' thats up to u
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




It doesn't make you negative. It makes you a worrier and someone who lives in the future instead of the present.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Thats the problem, most women want to marry into wealth or security, truth is good n bad times will occur, the real question is whether shell stick around when its tight, to make short term sacrifices for the long term goal. I couldn't see ex gf doing that,nor wowza. Miss pony I could, ex wife I could.
> 
> I dont know
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG that is a huge eye opener in the way men think that I might be thinking.
In my mind I am always and I mean always assessing the probability and/or risk that a guy will turn me into his sex toy and maid and prevent me from earning money. I am too busy worrying about that to worry about whether he could support me or not 100% across the board into eternity til death do us part with or without divorce. I mean, the answer to that is of course, No one does not even have to think about it. I mean, a man is a mortal same as a woman and he is going to get sick, drink too much sometimes, philander or think about it, want to goof off, make stupid purchases, spend money on vacations and cars I have no interest in, buy jewelry for me I might not like...he might get cancer, he might hate his job and have an argument and walk out with his pride intact from employment, he might hit someone who is out of the bike lane and have a mental crisis and that is all normal. Which leads me back to my primary, sane line of thinking which is...will this man WILLINGLY prevent me from making money on my own steam, and will he WILLFULLY take from me without need because he can, money that rightfully belongs to me, when he has f*cked up not because he is human but because he can and wants to. 

And here I am in the dating world, not a clue that men feel so pressured to be so much more perfect than a woman, to do something that is insanely improbably for any mortal. But which our forefathers faked pretty well (with the help of females no doubt, or other men to cover for them, or covert crime or whatever) or just got d*mned lucky. 

No wonder men think I'm weird. I checked the wrong rule book out of the library when I turned 15 and was able to get a working permit. of course, I worked before then. It never occurred to me to pimp myself out to one of my classmates to go skiing or to the fair. Sigh.

RD, you are too much.
Who asked you to be more than mortal. Is that REALLY what you think women expect of you?
That is both so cute and adorable and yet also so very much f*cked up. I am sorry. I should be feeling sympathetic for you but I want to laugh. And I know I shouldn't because your pain is legitimate. My sincerest apologies.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

spinsterdurga said:


> I agreed to go out with him again.
> 
> He just told me that he's illegal, so I'm not sure about the whole thing.


Yah, if a guy says he's illegal, you don't even need him to qualify that. And you can change your mind about going out with him again. At this point, anything disagreeable that happens, he has a wild card, he can say it's your fault, he told you he was illegal (whatever that means) and you still went out with him. Agreements don't always have to be kept, it's dating, after all, you don't really owe him anything.


----------



## RandomDude

The expectations for men in my city r high as we r replaceable. Few women prioritise compatibility instead of security. 

As for thinking about the future of course. I like to be steps ahead. Y shouldn't I be?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

spinsterdurga said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> I trust my instincts, if u think that makes me 'negative' thats up to u
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It doesn't make you negative. It makes you a worrier and someone who lives in the future instead of the present.
Click to expand...

Strangely 

I understand Rd

I am like that too. 

I look cool and collected n confident n in control 

Fact is people may call me a worrier 

I call it fore sight n planning ahead n being careful 

Depends on how you look at it.


----------



## tripad

For example. Now, the guy who said he wants to "cart me home" would be a great sex candidate with no future and I am sure many ladies would do it. He's hunky. But I won't. Again because I think of my principles my beliefs n getting hurt if I fall for him when he's obviously a player . I can't compartmentalised sex n love. 

Again I may read wrongly. But I am done thinking that a man can change. 

There's another man texting me, seems alright for the first few text and he asked about my children n their age n names . He's single. He mentioned the children must be good fun. 

Immediately my maternal danger instinct went up, screaming " potential paedophile ". of course, he could genuinely like kids. 


Then I realise I immediately shut down. 
Didn't reply his text now. 

I think I have a trust issue now. 

I am thinking I will not have a man now. 


Rd 


Maybe that's why I go ard in circles with my cute neighbour. He's one I can trust emotionally and that he's not a pedophile since our kids played together for a while in the neighbourhood. Trust is there. Worse thing that can happened between us is that we fall out with each other, no other complications


----------



## tripad

I think I am focusing on staying in the safe zone now 

OMG the sex I am deprived of.


----------



## RandomDude

Just have to process your feelings and find out if it's paranoia or a real issue.

Right now I'm in the process of trying to decide what to do with wowza at the moment, our next date is currently a question of whether or when. I'm in the process of figuring it out myself, whether its paranoia or red flags, don't want to end up hurting either of us. Indecisive, on whether the stars are aligned well enough to pursue this.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> I think I am focusing on staying in the safe zone now
> 
> OMG the sex I am deprived of.


That's a mindset to work through. If you decide that you are not interested in casual sex or FWB, then you are not depriving yourself - it's a decision you made. Like others have said, if you want to have sex, you can have sex. There are good people out there who are safe, make good decisions, and know how to treat others, yet they simply do not want relationships. 

On that note, I was informed by a mutual friend last night that the very young guy I had been seeing would be more than happy to see me again on a purely casual basis. 

I'm seriously considering it, since I am feeling a tad "deprived" myself!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> I respectfully disagree on this point. Some of the younger men I have dated are more financially stable than I am. (I do fine, but post divorce, kid in college, etc.) I have dated younger men who are lawyers, engineers, etc. Money never came into discussion. Younger men tend to be more willing to let you split the check on the first date or two, also. I prefer that.
> 
> As far as I am concerned, the only real deal breaker when dating a younger guy is if he wants kids. If he's decided he doesn't, and he's not young enough to be my own kid, then he's datable. ;-)
> 
> I suggest you consider talking to some younger men, tripad. You may be pleasantly surprised!


Yep! Don't count us young bucks out! I'm financially stable, have custody of my kid, have my crap together. My gf is 7 years older than I am. Age is just a number. I focus on life experience more than age. "Have you lived some life? Learned from your mistakes? Stable and we connect at all the right levels and spots? Awesome. "


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> The expectations for men in my city r high as we r replaceable. Few women prioritise compatibility instead of security.
> 
> As for thinking about the future of course. I like to be steps ahead. Y shouldn't I be?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can't possibly know the expectations of all of the women in a great big city.
As a woman, though, it's hilarious, I also take risks and don't like being told to be safe when it comes to what I know I'm capable of.
My best investment always involves myself. 
So I don't want some man around telling me I need to take some part-time job that can only pay so much for so many hours a week, just so he can make sure I have a 'steady' paycheck (and also to know exactly where I am and when I'm coming home, for his own purposes while I am being 'safe' - yah, right.) Or making fun of my career, business or any other plans I make. A priori. 

Safe is boring. Show me a woman who wants boring and I will show you a boring woman.

I just think RD that your arguments (points of arguments, not heated discussions) are wearing thin.
The bottom line is that you probably, like other young men, want to scr*w around a lot without commitment but don't want to be that kind of person, so you find trouble and then it's always that you don't want to hurt the other person. What ever happened to a grown lady knowing how to look out for herself, if she gets hurt then it's the decisions that she made, on her own, about her own relationship/s.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Just have to process your feelings and find out if it's paranoia or a real issue.
> 
> Right now I'm in the process of trying to decide what to do with wowza at the moment, our next date is currently a question of whether or when. I'm in the process of figuring it out myself, whether its paranoia or red flags, don't want to end up hurting either of us. Indecisive, on whether the stars are aligned well enough to pursue this.


I think it is paranoia 

I am the one with the problem in my mind ?


----------



## FeministInPink

spinsterdurga said:


> I agreed to go out with him again.
> *
> He just told me that he's illegal*, so I'm not sure about the whole thing.


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> That's a mindset to work through. If you decide that you are not interested in casual sex or FWB, then you are not depriving yourself - it's a decision you made. Like others have said, if you want to have sex, you can have sex. There are good people out there who are safe, make good decisions, and know how to treat others, yet they simply do not want relationships.
> 
> On that note, I was informed by a mutual friend last night that the very young guy I had been seeing would be more than happy to see me again on a purely casual basis.
> 
> I'm seriously considering it, since I am feeling a tad "deprived" myself!


If you can stay detached, I say go for it.

I have decided that life is too short to not have as much sex as I can. Because sex is pretty much the best thing ever.


----------



## Acoa

Things are progressing nicely with my GF. We decided that I'll be moving into her place this summer. We are in the process of cleaning out her closets and organizing the basement so we can set things up for the kids to each have their own room. 

I'll probably lurk here, but not really 'single' anymore. Good luck to each of you!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, an update for y'all... #3/DoD had expressed an interest in seeing me when he was in town again, and I told him that I would be at the same bar where we met, so we agreed that we would meet up again this past Saturday (2 days ago now), and he said he would call me.

Of course, he didn't call or show up. Whatever. His loss. I'm not really worked up about it.

Because Real Estate is back from Detroit, and the little blue pills have helped us solve that little ED problem. And...

Oh. My.

If I hadn't had this pesky business of karaoke competitions, and having to show my room/house/clean (my roommate is moving out, so we are looking for a new roommate to take my room, because I'm moving into her room), I think we would have had sex for three days straight. Although I'm not sure I could have taken it. I think Real Estate might have broken me, after our marathon sessions on Friday night and Sunday night. 

Or, could it be? Have I met a man who can actually satiate me? Am I not really unsatiable?

(Oh, and BTW... I did end up telling him about J-Dawg and #3/DoD, because he asked if I got any strange while he was out of town, and I'm not gonna lie. And it actually *turned him on*. He thought it was crazy hot.)


----------



## FeministInPink

Acoa said:


> Things are progressing nicely with my GF. We decided that I'll be moving into her place this summer. We are in the process of cleaning out her closets and organizing the basement so we can set things up for the kids to each have their own room.
> 
> I'll probably lurk here, but not really 'single' anymore. Good luck to each of you!


That's very exciting for you--congratulations!!!


----------



## ne9907

I am feeling very blah....

I don't want sex. I want love. Going to wait a few months, and really delve into OLD. A reputable site like Match.

I am sick of sex without love .. feeling weird saying that...


----------



## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> Acoa said:
> 
> 
> 
> Things are progressing nicely with my GF. We decided that I'll be moving into her place this summer. We are in the process of cleaning out her closets and organizing the basement so we can set things up for the kids to each have their own room.
> 
> I'll probably lurk here, but not really 'single' anymore. Good luck to each of you!
> 
> 
> 
> That's very exciting for you--congratulations!!!
Click to expand...

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


>


Hahah all the more funny because it looks like a scene from Cyclops.
You know the one-eyed monster.

Knowing you, that was intentional, well done!


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I bought a house today. Or rather, got a mortgage today. Let the fun begin...needs rehab. 
So far I've met a lot of very nice competent middle aged men. Not on the dating front, but it's just nice to know so many competent, nice middle-aged men exist. It's also a lot of fun going to the hardware store and so forth.


----------



## ne9907

Congratulations HMU!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker im at the age where women r transitioning from looking for boyfriends to looking for husbands, as a result they r lookijg for safe financial bets.

im not interested in screwing around if I was I would have slept with wowza by now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Hahah all the more funny because it looks like a scene from Cyclops.
> You know the one-eyed monster.
> 
> Knowing you, that was intentional, well done!


Ha ha ha, but NO! It's Monty Python! :grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I bought a house today. Or rather, got a mortgage today. Let the fun begin...needs rehab.
> So far I've met a lot of very nice competent middle aged men. Not on the dating front, but it's just nice to know so many competent, nice middle-aged men exist. It's also a lot of fun going to the hardware store and so forth.


Congrats!!! Have fun in your money pit :grin2:

I kid, I kid


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

FeministInPink said:


> Congrats!!! Have fun in your money pit :grin2:
> 
> I kid, I kid


It is, literally a money pit. But it came with instant equity and it's in a fabulous location.
2 level acres, starting with a new septic and leach field, horse barn and detached workshop/garage (teen play area), 1/2 mile from 7-12th school which is tops in the nation for public schools, and just a dash through the woods (will make a path) to the town 'farm' which is actually a number of connected playing fields, woods with walking trails, senior center and full-service library (equipped with a 3-season farmer's porch which looks back towards my property with nothing but nature in between, and a rail/snowmobile trail that is connected to a very large network of trails. Within walking distance of two put-ins on the river for flatwater kayaking, and downtown/post/office. Highway entrances about 1-2 miles away but no through traffic through the neighborhood. Lots of horses and gardens around, and my daughter's friends mostly, coincidentally, live further down into the neighborhood. 

Had my eye on this place for a year, and when it went up for sale, I pounced.
It's a rehab loan on a foreclosed property using a government program so the paperwork and legal knowledge to do it was a tad on the extreme side. The bank made some regulatory boo-boos but no hard feeling$ on my part, they paid for it, and cheerfully so. Anyhow, the PITI is the same as the rent I've been paying, which does free up money for stuff like new windows, etc. But if we can be chilly for a year I can tally up my heating bills and apply for winterization/weatherization discounts, which can include new windows 

Now the fun begins. Since I can't mess around with stuff until the contractor is out I'll just be documenting work with photographs (I'm not a photo person but this will be fun) and putting in the raised bed gardens. I got a tree starter kit in the mail today, just by chance, with a clothing order for one of my kids. Good timing. 

It would be nice to feel the same way about a relationship with a guy, as I do with the house. I've bought quite a few houses in my life, but this one is really has the feeling of home for me. I think being able to walk through the woods and across a field to the beautiful library, and to see nothing but nature and publicly maintained open space through my bedroom window has something to do with it. 

It needs some attention to detail, but I'm into that.

Mind you, I got my divorce in 2011 and had nothing, and decided to go back to school using benefits to get an English degree, with which I can now better enjoy the nuances of photos of men running out of a cave and get every single joke and allusion that's made in the entire Red Dwarf series.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> Homemaker im at the age where women r transitioning from looking for boyfriends to looking for husbands, as a result they r lookijg for safe financial bets.
> 
> im not interested in screwing around if I was I would have slept with wowza by now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's still a big assumption.

It seems you're at an age where everyone, men and women, are trying to build a career and raise kids that they might already have. I think people who are looking for spouses are a bit age-insensitive now. 


Well, you weren't interested in screwing around with Pony and you wanted to do more than run your hand up her leg without getting very far into dating. How do you know wowza would have slept with you if you had tried already...that's a big assumption to make, that it's a decision you're 100% in charge of.


----------



## hope4family

Officially no longer single. She is awesome. Technically single until married in my book. People here may disagree, but that's how I role. I will keep you all posted.


----------



## unsure78

H4F....Ooo which lovely lady is it?


----------



## RandomDude

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That's still a big assumption.
> 
> It seems you're at an age where everyone, men and women, are trying to build a career and raise kids that they might already have. I think people who are looking for spouses are a bit age-insensitive now.
> 
> 
> Well, you weren't interested in screwing around with Pony and you wanted to do more than run your hand up her leg without getting very far into dating. How do you know wowza would have slept with you if you had tried already...that's a big assumption to make, that it's a decision you're 100% in charge of.


speaking of assumptions, you r assuming that the demographis and culture of my city is exactly like yours. its not.

also screwing around is easy, made one phone call after breaking it off with miss pony n I got a lay. If u think thats why I want though whatever, dont really care what u wish to believe about me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Got tired of *******.

Hunky guy who seems fun to have conversation with seems to have tune me off after his " cart me home " has no success. 

It seems most guys who seems physically compatible are hot into casual sex. 

Really tiresome to seek a real relationship


----------



## Mr The Other

tripad said:


> Got tired of *******.
> 
> Hunky guy who seems fun to have conversation with seems to have tune me off after his " cart me home " has no success.
> 
> It seems most guys who seems physically compatible are hot into casual sex.
> 
> Really tiresome to seek a real relationship


I would like a LTR. However, casual sex along the way is better than nothing.


----------



## tripad

Sigh 

I understand that point of view shared by you and others. 

I don't do casual sex or FWB. 

Not judging if you do. Just my choice.


----------



## tripad

Hey 

I am closing my ok cupid account 

Another man hot on my heels texting me. When I drop the bomb that we should not waste time here but I am looking for long term relationship and not sex, he went MIA. 

It seems most are looking for sex, free sex. Why don't they just pay the professional sex workers then.


----------



## tripad

Another actually ask me if I am looking for an angel? 

Then said he can be my angel! 

Then he pleaded c'mon give this old man a chance.

N he was not old, one year younger than me but he surely looks older than his age. Much older. N fat. 

I was mad, it is like what the fuzk, give you a chance to what, fuzk me.


----------



## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> Officially no longer single. She is awesome. Technically single until married in my book. People here may disagree, but that's how I role. I will keep you all posted.


Yay! Tell us about your lovely lady!


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It is, literally a money pit. But it came with instant equity and it's in a fabulous location.
> 2 level acres, starting with a new septic and leach field, horse barn and detached workshop/garage (teen play area), 1/2 mile from 7-12th school which is tops in the nation for public schools, and just a dash through the woods (will make a path) to the town 'farm' which is actually a number of connected playing fields, woods with walking trails, senior center and full-service library (equipped with a 3-season farmer's porch which looks back towards my property with nothing but nature in between, and a rail/snowmobile trail that is connected to a very large network of trails. Within walking distance of two put-ins on the river for flatwater kayaking, and downtown/post/office. Highway entrances about 1-2 miles away but no through traffic through the neighborhood. Lots of horses and gardens around, and my daughter's friends mostly, coincidentally, live further down into the neighborhood.
> 
> Had my eye on this place for a year, and when it went up for sale, I pounced.
> It's a rehab loan on a foreclosed property using a government program so the paperwork and legal knowledge to do it was a tad on the extreme side. The bank made some regulatory boo-boos but no hard feeling$ on my part, they paid for it, and cheerfully so. Anyhow, the PITI is the same as the rent I've been paying, which does free up money for stuff like new windows, etc. But if we can be chilly for a year I can tally up my heating bills and apply for winterization/weatherization discounts, which can include new windows
> 
> Now the fun begins. Since I can't mess around with stuff until the contractor is out I'll just be documenting work with photographs (I'm not a photo person but this will be fun) and putting in the raised bed gardens. I got a tree starter kit in the mail today, just by chance, with a clothing order for one of my kids. Good timing.
> 
> It would be nice to feel the same way about a relationship with a guy, as I do with the house. I've bought quite a few houses in my life, but this one is really has the feeling of home for me. I think being able to walk through the woods and across a field to the beautiful library, and to see nothing but nature and publicly maintained open space through my bedroom window has something to do with it.
> 
> It needs some attention to detail, but I'm into that.
> 
> Mind you, I got my divorce in 2011 and had nothing, and decided to go back to school using benefits to get an English degree, with which I can now better enjoy the nuances of photos of men running out of a cave and get every single joke and allusion that's made in the entire Red Dwarf series.


That sounds incredible HNU!


----------



## tripad

Home maker 

Enjoy the home. 

You work for it


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> I am closing my ok cupid account
> 
> Another man hot on my heels texting me. When I drop the bomb that we should not waste time here but I am looking for long term relationship and not sex, he went MIA.
> 
> It seems most are looking for sex, free sex. *Why don't they just pay the professional sex workers then.*


Because they want FREE sex. They don't want to PAY.

The Harsh Reality of How Online Dating Ruined Love


----------



## FeministInPink

TheGoodGuy said:


> That sounds incredible HNU!


I agree. It sounds perfect


----------



## Mr The Other

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> I am closing my ok cupid account
> 
> Another man hot on my heels texting me. When I drop the bomb that we should not waste time here but I am looking for long term relationship and not sex, he went MIA.
> 
> It seems most are looking for sex, free sex. Why don't they just pay the professional sex workers then.


Because we have a sex drive and if an LTR is not available, then the choice is between sex and no sex.


----------



## Mr The Other

FeministInPink said:


> Because they want FREE sex. They don't want to PAY.
> 
> The Harsh Reality of How Online Dating Ruined Love


I agree. The dating world is far more depressing than when I started. A few other differences I note is that women are much more anxious about male satisfaction in bed. In some way this is nice, when I was young they waited to be entertained and satisfied, but sometimes it goes the other way to anxiety. 

Ghosting is done by men now. That was a shock.

It might just be that I am older, but the women who like me know really want the sex to be very aggressive and I wonder if these expectations come from porn.


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Hey
> 
> I am closing my ok cupid account
> 
> Another man hot on my heels texting me. When I drop the bomb that we should not waste time here but I am looking for long term relationship and not sex, he went MIA.
> 
> It seems most are looking for sex, free sex. Why don't they just pay the professional sex workers then.



@tripad, if you don't mind some advice, you seem to be impatient. Didn't you just go on OkC?

While I'm not online now, I did meet some great men there. The trick is to ignore the ones who are clearly fishing or sending the "hey baby" notes. It's a simple matter of blocking them and deleting their profile. They know what they want; you know what you want. Don't take it personally if it doesn't match up.

When you are on for awhile, you will eventually weed the bulk of those men out. While RD had some good luck, we won't all get dates in the first week. That has a lot to do with who is available in your geographic area and the settings you have in your profile. 

Yes, men will go MIA. It happens. But it's not a big deal. And it's not a big deal that many of them just want sex. Just ignore them and see who else filters through.


----------



## FeministInPink

Mr The Other said:


> I agree. The dating world is far more depressing than when I started. A few other differences I note is that women are much more anxious about male satisfaction in bed. In some way this is nice, when I was young they waited to be entertained and satisfied, but sometimes it goes the other way to anxiety.


That's funny, I've become the exact opposite, now that I'm older. When I was young, I was very anxious about pleasing my partner. (Which isn't necessarily a bad thing--I've apparently developed some top-notch skills, from what I've been told.) But after a six-year sexless marriage, in which I spend so much investing in the pleasure of a man who didn't give a sh!t about my pleasure, I've moved in a completely opposite direction. If a man won't take the lead physically and prioritize my satisfaction, I'm walking away. (But the man who does prioritize my satisfaction? He also gets the pleasure of all those skills I developed when I was younger.)



Mr The Other said:


> Ghosting is done by men now. That was a shock.


Yeah. A lot of d!ck moves like that out there. It took me a while to get over that.



Mr The Other said:


> It might just be that I am older, but the women who like me know really want the sex to be very aggressive and I wonder if these expectations come from porn.


I don't think it has anything to do with porn. It didn't for me, anyway. I was never really satisfied with the gentle, "making love" style sex. And then, after my divorce I got my first taste of really aggressive sex, and I realized, THIS is what I've been looking for all this time! You don't go back after that. You just can't. It's obviously not for everyone, and to each their own. But that's my experience. 

Like Lady Gaga says, "And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun."


----------



## tripad

TooNice said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hey
> 
> I am closing my ok cupid account
> 
> Another man hot on my heels texting me. When I drop the bomb that we should not waste time here but I am looking for long term relationship and not sex, he went MIA.
> 
> It seems most are looking for sex, free sex. Why don't they just pay the professional sex workers then.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> @tripad, if you don't mind some advice, you seem to be impatient. Didn't you just go on OkC?
> 
> While I'm not online now, I did meet some great men there. The trick is to ignore the ones who are clearly fishing or sending the "hey baby" notes. It's a simple matter of blocking them and deleting their profile. They know what they want; you know what you want. Don't take it personally if it doesn't match up.
> 
> When you are on for awhile, you will eventually weed the bulk of those men out. While RD had some good luck, we won't all get dates in the first week. That has a lot to do with who is available in your geographic area and the settings you have in your profile.
> 
> Yes, men will go MIA. It happens. But it's not a big deal. And it's not a big deal that many of them just want sex. Just ignore them and see who else filters through.
Click to expand...

I do appreciate advice ?

I am not impatient. It is just that Iam.really busy being a single mum with two young school kids and a father who doesn't pay child support. I felt like I wasted precious time communicating with people who just wanted sex despite the fact that I wrote in my profile I am not looking into casual sex but long-term relationship. 

It's a complete waste of my precious time. So i re emphasis that point after a few text usually. When they go MIA, I wonder if they read my profile at all. Probably not. They just see the photo and whack. And some of them just wanna try an Asian dish. 

Secondly, it disillusion my ideal of what love is supposed to be. It's completely just animalistic sex. They pretend to ask about my life my children. 

I much appreciate the ones who just don't pretend to ask me about my life my children my interest, and who outright just tell me it's all about sex, and thank me anyway when I rejected them, instead of just disappearing abruptly n rudely. Courtesy.


----------



## Mr The Other

FeministInPink said:


> That's funny, I've become the exact opposite, now that I'm older. When I was young, I was very anxious about pleasing my partner. (Which isn't necessarily a bad thing--I've apparently developed some top-notch skills, from what I've been told.) But after a six-year sexless marriage, in which I spend so much investing in the pleasure of a man who didn't give a sh!t about my pleasure, I've moved in a completely opposite direction. If a man won't take the lead physically and prioritize my satisfaction, I'm walking away. (But the man who does prioritize my satisfaction? He also gets the pleasure of all those skills I developed when I was younger.)
> 
> Yeah. A lot of d!ck moves like that out there. It took me a while to get over that.
> 
> I don't think it has anything to do with porn. It didn't for me, anyway. I was never really satisfied with the gentle, "making love" style sex. And then, after my divorce I got my first taste of really aggressive sex, and I realized, THIS is what I've been looking for all this time! You don't go back after that. You just can't. It's obviously not for everyone, and to each their own. But that's my experience.
> 
> Like Lady Gaga says, "And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun."


I was not clear, I mean that young women are concerned with my sexual satisfaction in a way that was not the case when I started about twenty years ago. Still, that was in England which might also be the difference (and me being older with young girls who like old men). 

I always enjoyed my partner’s pleasure, it is what made it better than masturbation. I actually had to learn that if I wanted to enjoy their pleasure, I should do the same for them and let myself go. Being selfish in place of self-centered, if that makes sense. 

Again, another change I noticed over the twenty or so year, a vigorous banging and slapping the bum was fairly rough then, now it is practically considered gentle. That might be linked to the greater accessibility of viewing rough sex, and if it is through porn it does not make it a bad phenomenon. Again though, I am aware that a man nudging forty will have a very different experience to a teenager.


----------



## tripad

Fip 

You must share your top notch skill. 

I might have use of that when I get my man. 

Maybe you can start a new thread, " killer skills in bed "


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Enjoy the new place, HNU! So glad it came available after all this time!


----------



## Mr The Other

tripad said:


> I do appreciate advice ?
> 
> I am not impatient. It is just that Iam.really busy being a single mum with two young school kids and a father who doesn't pay child support. I felt like I wasted precious time communicating with people who just wanted sex despite the fact that I wrote in my profile I am not looking into casual sex but long-term relationship.
> 
> It's a complete waste of my precious time. So i re emphasis that point after a few text usually. When they go MIA, I wonder if they read my profile at all. Probably not. They just see the photo and whack. And some of them just wanna try an Asian dish.
> 
> Secondly, it disillusion my ideal of what love is supposed to be. It's completely just animalistic sex. They pretend to ask about my life my children.
> 
> I much appreciate the ones who just don't pretend to ask me about my life my children my interest, and who outright just tell me it's all about sex, and thank me anyway when I rejected them, instead of just disappearing abruptly n rudely. Courtesy.


That does sound pretty poor. It might not sound comparable, but I am always a fan of slightly downplaying yourself on a profile, if you do not have time to be wasted. However, it is novel for a man, but common for women who will often list what they find unacceptable.

I think a lot of men want to be decent for reasons of vanity and insecurity, which leads them to be misleading. Being straight forward in your interest for sex about being caring is to forego any self-glory in return for not wasting their time. I am seeing a single mother on Thursday, and an LTR is unlikely as I do not have secure residence in the USA. I will do the decent thing and be clear with her.


----------



## RandomDude

Wowza hit a semi dealbreaker... yay... so much for "lucky"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Wowza hit a semi dealbreaker... yay... so much for "lucky"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oh oh do tell...


----------



## ne9907

I have an acquaintance who is beautiful. She is totally stunning, like a supermodel. She photographs well, in person though she is not as stunning as her photographs.

She is only a FB friend. SHe does posts a lot of selfies (one a day). 

I was surprised to find out she is single. She is successful, owns her home, has a great job. She seems very nice. SHe is always in and out of relationships. 

I don't get it. I have always put too much importance on looks, so I am thinking, "If men are always breaking up with her, I have no hope"


----------



## TheGoodGuy

ne9907 said:


> I have an acquaintance who is beautiful. She is totally stunning, like a supermodel. She photographs well, in person though she is not as stunning as her photographs.
> 
> She is only a FB friend. SHe does posts a lot of selfies (one a day).
> 
> I was surprised to find out she is single. She is successful, owns her home, has a great job. She seems very nice. SHe is always in and out of relationships.
> 
> I don't get it. I have always put too much importance on looks, so I am thinking, "If men are always breaking up with her, I have no hope"


Looks aren't everything NE. You know that. She could have the personality of a log or any number of other unattractive hidden traits.


----------



## ne9907

TheGoodGuy said:


> Looks aren't everything NE. You know that. She could have the personality of a log or any number of other unattractive hidden traits.


yeah, I am just throwing me a pity party


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> Fip
> 
> You must share your top notch skill.
> 
> I might have use of that when I get my man.
> 
> Maybe you can start a new thread, " killer skills in bed "


Skills are usually natural


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> oh oh do tell...


Her parents dont speak english, n she's famiky orientated. Red flag hence semi dealbreaker... big red flag
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Miss Independent

RandomDude said:


> Her parents dont speak english, n she's famiky orientated. Red flag hence semi dealbreaker... big red flag
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Wwwwhhhhhaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttt


----------



## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> Yay! Tell us about your lovely lady!


Well it was the one I wasn't sure how much interest there was but decided to stay with it. 

Basically that has turned around in a huge way. There are still issues/challenges to work through. She hasn't met my son yet, and that's good for now. There is no real issues with her meeting him at this point, I am not bringing it up though. When she is ready, she will tell me.

Biggest problem I have in life right now is deciding what to do next. Which is a pretty good problem to have and not something I am used too really. So everything is great. As I get to know her, I will hopefully find out truly long term or just our natural attraction to each other. 

As to who she is. She is smart, a counselor, contributing member to society, independent, beautiful, passionate, comforting, funny, and our bodies seem to meld together.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> ne9907 said:
> 
> 
> 
> oh oh do tell...
> 
> 
> 
> Her parents dont speak english, n she's famiky orientated. Red flag hence semi dealbreaker... big red flag
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
Click to expand...


How is that bad? 

That describes me. My parents are uneducated n non English speaking. I am brilliant n did well n speak good English. Although I type really short n sweet here out of pure laziness. I am a family girl though my outlook is a modern career achiever smart woman. 

How is that a red flag?


----------



## tripad

Hope4family

You are making us jealous! 

No 

You are giving us hope. good for you.


----------



## tripad

spinsterdurga said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> Her parents dont speak english, n she's famiky orientated. Red flag hence semi dealbreaker... big red flag
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wwwwhhhhhaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttt
Click to expand...

I am joining you 

Yes 

Whaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttt


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> How is that bad?
> 
> That describes me. My parents are uneducated n non English speaking. I am brilliant n did well n speak good English. Although I type really short n sweet here out of pure laziness. I am a family girl though my outlook is a modern career achiever smart woman.
> 
> How is that a red flag?


Her parents approval means more to her than her own approval, she's family orientated as I mentioned. She already mentioned her issue with my inability to speak her parents' language, which also means it'll be very difficult for me to be part of her family. I had a similar date in the past with this issue.

You should understand this, as she comes from your culture.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> Her parents approval means more to her than her own approval, she's family orientated as I mentioned. She already mentioned her issue with my inability to speak her parents' language, which also means it'll be very difficult for me to be part of her family. I had a similar date in the past with this issue.
> 
> You should understand this, as she comes from your culture.


Oh I see. Well, maybe SHE should stick to dating people only of her culture? Is she aware the problems dating outside of her culture might present? Does she care about that?


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> How is that bad?
> 
> That describes me. My parents are uneducated n non English speaking. I am brilliant n did well n speak good English. Although I type really short n sweet here out of pure laziness. I am a family girl though my outlook is a modern career achiever smart woman.
> 
> How is that a red flag?
> 
> 
> 
> Her parents approval means more to her than her own approval, she's family orientated as I mentioned. She already mentioned her issue with my inability to speak her parents' language, which also means it'll be very difficult for me to be part of her family. I had a similar date in the past with this issue.
> 
> You should understand this, as she comes from your culture.
Click to expand...

She's probably more traditional than I am. Over here, we are like new York, different colours different mixes in these later generations. Doesn't matter if the bf or gf can't communicate, we translate whatever we want lol. the better. don't say the wrong thing.


----------



## tripad

Having said that, the people I know are educated n westernised n are open to "cross culturing" 

But there are others who are more conservative and others because of religious difference which are deemed not possible to compromise


----------



## RandomDude

SecondTime'Round said:


> Oh I see. Well, maybe SHE should stick to dating people only of her culture? Is she aware the problems dating outside of her culture might present? Does she care about that?


I guess she's still finding out what she wants. We are friends now so. She has her blend of eastern and western values, the family aspect, very strong, and when you can't communicate, it's difficult. She's respectable, as I would do the same for my child.

Should have multi-dated, but I've been too honest and upfront with #2 that I'm seeing someone else. Meh, whatever. Still have a few months to go that I've told myself - do not give up no matter the disappointment. So will start again, reactivate ******* once I'm ready.


----------



## RandomDude

Baaaaah! I cant afford to be sick!!! Not now!!! Damn it!!! 

*sigh* y y y y y *sniff* ?! Well hope I heal by monday otherwise everyone is screwed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Her parents approval means more to her than her own approval, she's family orientated as I mentioned. She already mentioned her issue with my inability to speak her parents' language, which also means it'll be very difficult for me to be part of her family. I had a similar date in the past with this issue.
> 
> You should understand this, as she comes from your culture.





RandomDude said:


> I guess she's still finding out what she wants. We are friends now so. She has her blend of eastern and western values, the family aspect, very strong, and when you can't communicate, it's difficult. She's respectable, as I would do the same for my child.
> 
> Should have multi-dated, but I've been too honest and upfront with #2 that I'm seeing someone else. Meh, whatever. Still have a few months to go that I've told myself - do not give up no matter the disappointment. So will start again, reactivate ******* once I'm ready.


I thin you handle this situation well. You know you will not be happy, and neither will she. It is better to end the relationship before either one of you fell too hard

Good job!


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Baaaaah! I cant afford to be sick!!! Not now!!! Damn it!!!
> 
> 
> 
> *sigh* y y y y y *sniff* ?! Well hope I heal by monday otherwise everyone is screwed
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Ugh. Been living off of Nyquil and Dayquil for three days. You have my sympathies! Feel better soon!


----------



## tripad

Shut down all Old

Feel peaceful.


----------



## tripad

Happy mother's day to all mummies. 

Think I saw my little ones wrap some presents secretly.

(Smile)


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Happy mother's day to all mummies.
> 
> Think I saw my little ones wrap some presents secretly.
> 
> (Smile)




Just finished loading my son's dorm room into my car. Not super excited for the six hour drive back, but having him home is the best Mother's Day gift!


----------



## Mr The Other

I was doing some voluntary work at a festival and getting on surprisingly well with the pretty girl on the next stall. Of course, we were both grumbling about the work, particularly as I had a clipboard and was approaching strangers. When I commented I was particularly stupid, as I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart, she seems a little moved. I got her numbers, as I would like to go out with a girl who is that beautiful and kind hearted.


----------



## Mr The Other

Mr The Other said:


> I was doing some voluntary work at a festival and getting on surprisingly well with the pretty girl on the next stall. Of course, we were both grumbling about the work, particularly as I had a clipboard and was approaching strangers. When I commented I was particularly stupid, as I was doing it out of the kindness of my heart, she seems a little moved. I got her numbers, as I would like to go out with a girl who is that beautiful and kind hearted.


Bah! She was only down working for the weekend and lives in Nevada.


----------



## RandomDude

Funny how it works eh? Hopes up, hopes squished, hopes up, hopes squished, repeatedly.

Wished I didn't embarrass myself with my friend with ED, could have had a FWB from that, but I blew it.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, starting to think this is all a waste of time, dating and romance is boring. It's always the same story, over and over again, just different versions of it. The highs, the lows, the roller coasters. The times when you hit the home run, and the times when you go through dry spells. Been spiraling in and out of this mess. Feel like I'm starting to become really disinterested in the whole thing, but not out of anger, hurt, pain, or disappointment, but out of boredom!!!

Awesome! I'm turning asexual! 

*prays and hopes this is true*


----------



## foolscotton3

I'm bored with dating too, I came to that realization half a year ago.

The attention required to date is too draining, I don't have enough attention to meet my own needs let alone the wants and expectations of women(s).

So, I got me a FWB.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

The best is an exclusive FWB, skin to skin, trust and friendship. I miss that. Wish I never screwed it up years ago by entertaining her feelings and making her invest in me foolishly.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> The best is an exclusive FWB, skin to skin, trust and friendship. I miss that. Wish I never screwed it up years ago by entertaining her feelings and making her invest in me foolishly.


Yeah, that's what I have going for me. She has requested that I show more initiative (texting her good morning or good night without her provocations) I've done my best to show that I think of her throughout the day.

I think she's getting the feels though. She claims that she doesn't and that it would be weird to expect more than what we have at this stage, but on a bad day, she looks to me for support, and praises me for being there.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## Mr The Other

Rocket scientist lady spent the night, then we spent most of today lying next to each other and hugging. I had forgotten how great that is.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'm in Utah. I am going to Zion. BUCKET LIST!!!


----------



## tripad

Hi TAM friends. 

I heard n piece info together and gathered that my ex is having a hard time. 

Even though he skipped my children support money, I manage well without. I felt sad and bad for him. I pity him. 

He didn't know what he missed by screwing up the family when he had a job n a gf perhaps. 

Now without a job and probably no gf and a hard life, he thinks he had made a mistake about screwing the family up. 

Never knew if he had a gf or not. Never find out . Didnt bother.


----------



## tripad

Why do I feel pity despite having anger? 

I should have felt extreme anger n hatred n other negative feelings.


----------



## FeministInPink

tripad said:


> Why do I feel pity despite having anger?
> 
> I should have felt extreme anger n hatred n other negative feelings.


Anger, hatred, and other extreme negative emotions aren't necessarily healthy. 

If you feel pity for someone who has wronged you, it generally means that you are more evolved emotionally.


----------



## RandomDude

Why are you piecing together info about your ex, why do you even care? lol


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Why are you piecing together info about your ex, why do you even care? lol


Cause he is always running from his responsibility. She's on here quite a bit mentioning his excuses for not being responsible and digging into her kids for her financial status.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Why are you piecing together info about your ex, why do you even care? lol


Good point.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Why are you piecing together info about your ex, why do you even care? lol


Letters sent to my home. Kids telling me things he said. 

Doesn't need much brains to figure things are bad for him, fired from job n with mounting debts. Debts him n his "beloved" parents n sisters dumped over. 

I should not care and that's the right thing to do. But the heart is human. Got to separate the heart from the brain.


----------



## tripad

Just venting guys 


Nowhere else to vent 

Sorry


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Just venting guys
> 
> 
> Nowhere else to vent
> 
> Sorry


No need to apologize, venting is great! Also, people's responses to your venting creates an understanding about your own situation. 

Keep venting!~


----------



## tripad

Yes it does make me see n understand from different angle 

Thanks


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> I should not care and that's the right thing to do. *But the heart is human.*


Harden it, alternatively just treat it as a joke, as your ex IS a joke.


----------



## GuyInColorado

What kind of boundaries do you have with your exes?

My D will be finalized next month. Been dating a woman for 4 months now. Yesterday, STBX called crying because she couldn't get her iPhone to restore and she had a dead cell phone until then. I'm a computer guy, so I remoted into her computer and helped. 

The girlfriend said after the D is finalized, she doesn't want me doing anything like this. She doesn't want to get hurt. I had to put myeslf in her shoes to understand what she's feeling. I imagined her talking with an ex boyfriend and helping him with a cooking/recipe question. That definitely bothered me. I told her that I'll keep interaction with her only on co-parenting issues after we are officially split. 

Are her concerns valid? At first, it kind of pissed me off. Thought she was being controlling and crazy. But I think I now understand her concerns. I view my STBX like a sister. No desire for intimacy, wish the best for her in life.


----------



## Bananapeel

GuyInColorado said:


> What kind of boundaries do you have with your exes?
> 
> My D will be finalized next month. Been dating a woman for 4 months now. Yesterday, STBX called crying because she couldn't get her iPhone to restore and she had a dead cell phone until then. I'm a computer guy, so I remoted into her computer and helped.
> 
> The girlfriend said after the D is finalized, she doesn't want me doing anything like this. She doesn't want to get hurt. I had to put myeslf in her shoes to understand what she's feeling. I imagined her talking with an ex boyfriend and helping him with a cooking/recipe question. That definitely bothered me. I told her that I'll keep interaction with her only on co-parenting issues after we are officially split.
> 
> Are her concerns valid? At first, it kind of pissed me off. Thought she was being controlling and crazy. But I think I now understand her concerns. I view my STBX like a sister. No desire for intimacy, wish the best for her in life.


Your interactions with your STBXW will naturally drop off dramatically with time as you each continue to establish your own separate life and routine, so she should naturally stop asking you for things. However, if you can easily fix her phone it seems reasonable because a working cell phone is important if she needs to get in touch with you about the kids, when she isn't home. 

To me it sounds like your new woman is just insecure. If you can discuss and remedy the insecurities in your relationship then these little issues shouldn't bother her too much. Have you thought about just sitting her down and reassuring her that she is the #1 woman in your life and helping with the phone won't change that?


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Bananapeel said:


> To* me it sounds like your new woman is just insecure*. If you can discuss and remedy the insecurities in your relationship then these little issues shouldn't bother her too much. Have you thought about just sitting her down and reassuring her that she is the #1 woman in your life and helping with the phone won't change that?


DISAGREE. She is right, not insecure. She is looking to protect the relationship, as should Guy. The ex wife needs to look elsewhere for assistance unless it has to do with their kids. Now if they are both unattached, they can have whatever kind of friendship they wish, but once significant others are in the picture, then boundaries need to be put in place and enforced. Respect the relationships, always.


----------



## Bananapeel

3Xnocharm said:


> DISAGREE. She is right, not insecure. She is looking to protect the relationship, as should Guy. The ex wife needs to look elsewhere for assistance unless it has to do with their kids. Now if they are both unattached, they can have whatever kind of friendship they wish, but once significant others are in the picture, then boundaries need to be put in place and enforced. Respect the relationships, always.


I guess we'll have to disagree on this one. But from an objective point of view she has been involved in a short term relationship with a married man. There are bound to be insecurity issues with that situation that she is going to want validated. I also tend to post replies based on what is best for my personality type, of course recognizing that everyone is different so there isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to deal with situations. My personality type is to not give up control to an insecure partner, but instead address the root cause of their insecurities as a way of validating and directly working on the underlying problem. Putting up relationship boundaries is fine with some people, but doesn't get to the core issues with other people. I don't know Guy well enough to have an idea of what works best for him.


----------



## ne9907

I have some good news to share

I might be getting a new permanent position!! I am happy, I do not wan to jinx myself but I hope I get the job...

It is extremely wonderful, will be getting my own place (FINALLY!!)


----------



## bkyln309

GuyInColorado said:


> What kind of boundaries do you have with your exes?
> 
> My D will be finalized next month. Been dating a woman for 4 months now. Yesterday, STBX called crying because she couldn't get her iPhone to restore and she had a dead cell phone until then. I'm a computer guy, so I remoted into her computer and helped.
> 
> The girlfriend said after the D is finalized, she doesn't want me doing anything like this. She doesn't want to get hurt. I had to put myeslf in her shoes to understand what she's feeling. I imagined her talking with an ex boyfriend and helping him with a cooking/recipe question. That definitely bothered me. I told her that I'll keep interaction with her only on co-parenting issues after we are officially split.
> 
> Are her concerns valid? At first, it kind of pissed me off. Thought she was being controlling and crazy. But I think I now understand her concerns. I view my STBX like a sister. No desire for intimacy, wish the best for her in life.


I have to agree with the statement your gf is insecure. Its the little things that go a long way to having a good co-parenting relationship down the road. If you can help your X and you have the time and want to, do it. It will help when you need a favor with the kids. It will naturally fall off as you move along. I know when I first divorced I called my ex about a few things concerning the house. Now I almost never do nor does he. But it has created good vibes between us and our relationship tends to be friendly and not contentious.

Until the gf is the wife, she really cannot tell you not to help your ex. That is WAY over the line IMHO. Your priority is to your kids. If helping the X here and there helps with the kids, so be it. Sounds like your gf must not have kids. Your family comes first.


----------



## GuyInColorado

I think the insecurity comes that I'm still legally married, so she's protecting herself. That's what she tells me, and I get it. She has two kids, the dad sees them in the summer for 2 months (lives across country).

I'll just have to be careful for a while to make sure I'm detaching. I did go to a dinner at a friend's house early in our relationship and the STBX showed up later and had dinner with us (I didn't know she was going to show up). That didn't go well for obvious reasons with my g/f and don't want that to happen again.

I told her after the D is final, I'll only interact with her if it affects my kids.


----------



## Acoa

bkyln309 said:


> I have to agree with the statement your gf is insecure. Its the little things that go a long way to having a good co-parenting relationship down the road. If you can help your X and you have the time and want to, do it. It will help when you need a favor with the kids. It will naturally fall off as you move along. I know when I first divorced I called my ex about a few things concerning the house. Now I almost never do nor does he. But it has created good vibes between us and our relationship tends to be friendly and not contentious.
> 
> Until the gf is the wife, she really cannot tell you not to help your ex. That is WAY over the line IMHO. Your priority is to your kids. If helping the X here and there helps with the kids, so be it. Sounds like your gf must not have kids. Your family comes first.


I don't draw the conclusion the GF is insecure by her statement. She is suggesting he place a boundary with his STBXW that is reasonable. The STBXW is not a sister, or safe opposite sex friend. She is an ex, someone who he had sex with. He may not intend to have sex with her ever again, but given the right combination of circumstances intentions are meaningless. 

The GF could be suggesting it from a place of insecurity, or could just be offering a healthy boundary that she would like to see him make. He can either agree or disagree. 

I'm very careful not to 'help' my EX out. I won't go to her place to fix a leaky toilet, or help her change the tire on her car. She lost that benefit when we divorced. She can find a new man, pay someone or figure it out for herself. There are many women out there who do just fine on there own.


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## bkyln309

GuyInColorado said:


> I think the insecurity comes that I'm still legally married, so she's protecting herself. That's what she tells me, and I get it. She has two kids, the dad sees them in the summer for 2 months (lives across country).
> 
> I'll just have to be careful for a while to make sure I'm detaching. I did go to a dinner at a friend's house early in our relationship and the STBX showed up later and had dinner with us (I didn't know she was going to show up). That didn't go well for obvious reasons with my g/f and don't want that to happen again.
> 
> I told her after the D is final, I'll only interact with her if it affects my kids.



She chose to date a married man. She should be insecure. A married man is not detached because he is still married (even if its "only" in a legal sense). Your boundaries are appropriate. But your gf is in the wrong.


----------



## TheGoodGuy

Acoa said:


> I'm very careful not to 'help' my EX out. I won't go to her place to fix a leaky toilet, or help her change the tire on her car. She lost that benefit when we divorced. She can find a new man, pay someone or figure it out for herself. There are many women out there who do just fine on there own.


THIS. End of.


----------



## TooNice

GuyInColorado said:


> What kind of boundaries do you have with your exes?
> 
> My D will be finalized next month. Been dating a woman for 4 months now. Yesterday, STBX called crying because she couldn't get her iPhone to restore and she had a dead cell phone until then. I'm a computer guy, so I remoted into her computer and helped.
> 
> The girlfriend said after the D is finalized, she doesn't want me doing anything like this. She doesn't want to get hurt. I had to put myeslf in her shoes to understand what she's feeling. I imagined her talking with an ex boyfriend and helping him with a cooking/recipe question. That definitely bothered me. I told her that I'll keep interaction with her only on co-parenting issues after we are officially split.
> 
> Are her concerns valid? At first, it kind of pissed me off. Thought she was being controlling and crazy. But I think I now understand her concerns. I view my STBX like a sister. No desire for intimacy, wish the best for her in life.


I think this is a question each of us would answer differently. And current SOs would respond to differently. Even after I found out about the OW, my ex wanted me to know that he was there for me. He said if I needed anything, all I'd have to do was ask. And I'm sure the girlfriend was made aware that this was his intent. Once I learned of her, however, there is no way I will ask him for help. I will not make him feel needed or useful to me in any way. I will relentlessly search the web for Youtube videos to figure something out before I will ask him for help. The worst thing I can do to him is to not feed his narcissism and to not need him. 

But that's based on my situation. My son is in college, and I am able to limit my interactions with my ex. If I were in a relationship, I am not sure how I would feel about being on the other side of it. I guess I may feel a little concerned, but there are so many factors, including co-parenting and the motives behind why you'd want to help her. 

I suppose the bottom line is that I just don't think it's a one answer fits all question.


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> It is extremely wonderful, will be getting my own place (FINALLY!!)


This part will be the best for you! Fingers crossed!


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## philreag

Acoa said:


> I'm very careful not to 'help' my EX out. I won't go to her place to fix a leaky toilet, or help her change the tire on her car. She lost that benefit when we divorced. She can find a new man, pay someone or figure it out for herself. There are many women out there who do just fine on there own.





TheGoodGuy said:


> THIS. End of.



Right after my STBXW walked away, her car broke down, the washer broke, the waterpump failed, the vacuum broke. She asked me to help but I said no, she had fired me.

Although, the single neighbor stepped up and helped, but that is a story for another time.


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## RandomDude

Well I dunno, I seem to have a much more amicable relationship with my ex than most others, like, we still help each other out from time to time but it's give and take.


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## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Well I dunno, I seem to have a much more amicable relationship with my ex than most others, like, we still help each other out from time to time but it's give and take.


Everything depends on how the relationship ended. When I was dating that one guy, I wasn't jealous of him visiting his ex girlfriends. He is an electrician and would get called often to fix issues. 

I am not terribly jealous, though


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## FeministInPink

Funny, my XH was completely useless when it came to sh!t that these XWs and STBXWs ask for help with. While we were married, I put together all the furniture. Changed spare tires. Fixed technical issues with laptops etc. Managing the money. He simple couldn't adult. He was incapable.

Real Estate is such a breath of fresh air in this regard. He helped me, just today, change the tail light on my car. I didn't need him to (but I did need his electric drill, because I don't have one), I could have easily done it on my own without assistance, but he insisted. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## TheGoodGuy

RandomDude said:


> Well I dunno, I seem to have a much more amicable relationship with my ex than most others, like, we still help each other out from time to time but it's give and take.



Like NE said, it depends. When someone fires you from that job (I love that phrase as it helped me put expectations post relationship in perspective), you no longer have an obligation to do this things for your ex. In fact it could set you back in healing if you're still beholden to your ex to do things for them.

I get that it's different when it's more of an amicable split, but for me I'd still want to limit contact and keep that chapter of your life closed where possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> This part will be the best for you! Fingers crossed!


Thank you, yes!!

My living accommodations have been in limbo since I left about 3 years ago.

When I left OK, I had nothing. Just my car and about 3K in the bank. No marketable skills.

1. I stayed at my sister's (and her husband) for about three months trying to find a job. Did not find one, and the cost of living is extremely high in LA.

2. I move in with my mom and brother for about 3 months. I love them to pieces but they are sort of toxic. My brother has anger issues and does weed all the time. I accidentally ate a "cookie" that sent me to the ER because I thought I was dying... yeah! It actually was hilarious! But with my NG status I cant do any kind of illegal drugs.

3. I got this temporary job (has been over two years now), but because of the temporary status I never got a place, this job is two hours away from mom. I have been staying in army barracks, a small room, a bed, and a desk. No TV, no AC, well you get my point.

4. The guy I was dating (the loser-type) lives two hours away from where I work. I would drive Friday and stay with him until Sunday evening. I think Ive already explained our relationship. Anyway, he also wanted me to help pay the bills, the internet bill to be more specific. I felt that I wasn't at his place long enough to pay for his bills. I did contribute to the household by cleaning, cooking, bought groceries, and sometimes do his laundry along with mine.
He felt our relationship was the type where we BOTH contribute to the household expenses. I felt otherwise. 

Before, I was comfortable with my living accommodations because I did not want to set roots at all. I was fine living the quasi homeless life, but I am ready for my own place. I really hope to get this job!


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## Bananapeel

RandomDude said:


> Well I dunno, I seem to have a much more amicable relationship with my ex than most others, like, we still help each other out from time to time but it's give and take.


Good for you. I'm also amicable and my ex cheated. We don't go out of our way to help each other, but we'll still go to parent teacher conferences and other kid events in the same vehicle. We also talk (kid related stuff) several times a week and are willing to adjust our child care schedules if it helps the other one out. 

I think a lot of this falls back on what type of relationship you had when you were married. If it was a low conflict marriage where both people got along well then it is likely that the post-marriage relationship will also be more amicable. If it was a high conflict marriage it is much more likely that the post-marriage relationship will also be high conflict.


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## RandomDude

For me and ex-wife our marriage was high conflict, yet as co-parents it's relatively low conflict - until we have a disagreement of course, but even then we deal with it better nowadays compared to years ago. The one thing about us though is our commitment to our daughter's welfare, so regardless of how we feel about each other we're still a team when it comes to raising her.

In alot of cases I've seen here however, many exs are deadbeats and useless, so meh - I don't blame them for having troubled relations with their exs.


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## foolscotton3

I have always done car repairs on my ex's car, I'm the only person she trusts not to rip her off, she pays me though, so it's not exactly a favor.

Would I do repairs on my SO's ex's car? Fvck no!
Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## Mr The Other

There was a time not long ago when I wanted to just mess around. More recently I have been wanting to settle down. Somehow, I have ended up see three women who are not looking to settle down and all know about each other.


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## ne9907

Mr The Other said:


> There was a time not long ago when I wanted to just mess around. More recently I have been wanting to settle down. Somehow, I have ended up see three women who are not looking to settle down and all know about each other.


These women are going to pass you around like a bottle of wine!!! >

HAHA, totally kidding!!!

I am still single. Not dating, just talking to several men, but don't have any plans to go out on dates with them.

So, last weekend, I finally went to ex's house and picked up my stuff (odds and end that accumulated at his place).

Since I had broken up with him, I had unfriended him. So yesterday, I sent him a friend request. he denied it. 
I texted him asking if he didn't want to be my FB friend. He simply said "I am not playing that game. I am sorry."

Good for him and ultimately good for me too!!


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## RandomDude

In a weird way recently, I am continuing my friendship with my first date, who has expressed interest despite the fact we are no longer dating, second date I'm holding off and excusing myself from meeting her, despite having some of the deepest intellectual discussions I've ever had with a woman for a long time (in truth, they were actually quite nominal topics - which speaks volumes to either the intellectual or conversational ability of most of the women I meet in this city) Still keeping her as a pen pal. 

Both potentials however - I'm slowly killing off subconsciously with an innate desire to go celibate again. Yet I find myself thinking about it in my quiet times, and even went back on ******* to scratch the itch, seeing what else is out there, yet the more I see the more I am losing interest - again. 

Heck - in a phase right now where women finding me attractive is making me feel uncomfortable and disgusted, yet at the same time continue to feel the longing. It's very strange. After some meditation and reflection I realised that this is the result of my mind losing hope (in finding somebody to love romantically) while at the same time gaining hope (by having daily visitors online and flirts/looks from women offline), resulting in my brain contradicting itself. My brain then attempts to convince itself that romance=bad while being forced to acknowledge that women somehow continue to find interest in me.

In simple terms: Women hitting on me gives me hope despite the proven improbability of finding a soulmate for a healthy relationship - for reasons mentioned above. A possible solution would be to disfigure my face and get out of shape, yet I take pride in my appearance and presentation. So cross that one out. Hmmm...

/end random thoughts


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## FeministInPink

So, I suppose I owe all of you an update about Real Estate...

When he came back from Detroit, about a month ago, he reminded me that he wasn't looking for a relationship or a girlfriend, and that we were just casual. I told him that I heard him and understood him the first three times he brought it up, and I asked him not to bring it up again. I didn't need reminding, and it hurts feelings a little each time he brought it up. (Although I didn't mention that second part to him.)

Since then, things have been evolving, though nothing has been said to make anything official. 

We've been spending increasingly more time together, several nights a week at the bare minimum. Last week, there was only one day where we didn't see each other, and I spent my birthday with him.

The biggest thing was this weekend. Saturday night, we went to our favorite BDSM club--where we went on our 1st/2nd "not a date." We've been there several times since, but this past Saturday he was being particularly lovey-dovey. A friend (who usually comes with us) remarked to me that it was very obvious that we were together, an a way that we haven't been previously.

The next evening (Sunday) was my birthday party, and this would be the first time he would meet all my friends. We hadn't discussed it previously, but I had pretty much decided that I was just going to introduce him as my friend, and leave it at that. A few close friends knew the real situation, but I didn't feel there was a need to make a big deal out of it. Well, he basically ruined that plan. He came a little later than everyone else, and the first thing he did when he came in was make a beeline for me, and kiss me. (So much for "my friend.") A different friend, who was just meeting him for the first time, said that he was making it obvious, but in a subtle way, that we were together, and it was clear that's he's really into me, and that he's definitely attached.

He has increasingly made off-hand, subtle comments about him not being single anymore and the like, but nothing firm or declarative. He kisses me all the time now, which seemed to be a little verboten in the early stages.

So, that's it. Nothing official, but it definitely seems like we're heading in that direction. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## foolscotton3

RD... Romantic love is unbelievable. I liken it to magic, aliens, ghost, and all that other Disney bull**** made for fiction.

Romance is for men what makeup is for women, it's not at all organic, and requires creative effort to hide what you believe others will perceive as your flaws.

You would think a woman would be better in a relationship with a man that accepted her without makeup. The same should be true for a man, your better off not exploring romance in your search for a woman. When you find one, romance is a bonus.

Sent from my non-employer-monitored communications device using TapaTalk.


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## FeministInPink

foolscotton3 said:


> RD... Romantic love is unbelievable. I liken it to magic, aliens, ghost, and all that other Disney bull**** made for fiction.
> 
> Romance is for men what makeup is for women, it's not at all organic, and requires creative effort to hide what you believe others will perceive as your flaws.
> 
> You would think a woman would be better in a relationship with a man that accepted her without makeup. The same should be true for a man, your better off not exploring romance in your search for a woman. When you find one, romance is a bonus.


I agree. So much "romance" is contrived, or so it seems to me, a way to woo me... 

I had a conversation with a co-worker several months ago, and he made some comment about how at the beginning of dating, people are always trying to pretend that they're better than they are, to put on an "act" to get the other person to like them. And I disagreed; I said that was dishonest. When I start dating, I'm just me, and I expect them to do the same. I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not, and I don't want to date someone who will do that, especially not after what I went through with my XH.

My co-worker looked at me like I was crazy.

In regards to romance... if the person is right, you don't need traditional romance, because the small, stupid stuff becomes romantic, and that's the best kind of romantic, because it's personalized. It's between you and him, and unique to the two of you. It's special, not generic. And THAT is romantic.


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## RandomDude

I agree that romance isnt all fairytales but thats the point, to find a deep connection it is becoming more and more difficult for me and even if I settle for less - I question its worth.

I'm still damaged and despite the strides ive made over the years to normalise myself deep down at my core the processing of these feelings is too alien for me and especially with ex wife I put her through rollercoasters of emotion as my mind battled with itself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I agree that romance isnt all fairytales but thats the point, to find a deep connection it is becoming more and more difficult for me and even if I settle for less - I question its worth.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup

Realise i cant settle for less .

I need a real man , nothing less .


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## ne9907

Funny enough... I read an article yesterday about settling for mr right now...

I will try to find the link again.


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## Idonthaveagoodusername

Any advice on coping and moving on?


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## Mr The Other

foolscotton3 said:


> RD... Romantic love is unbelievable. I liken it to magic, aliens, ghost, and all that other Disney bull**** made for fiction.
> 
> Romance is for men what makeup is for women, it's not at all organic, and requires creative effort to hide what you believe others will perceive as your flaws.
> 
> You would think a woman would be better in a relationship with a man that accepted her without makeup. The same should be true for a man, your better off not exploring romance in your search for a woman. When you find one, romance is a bonus.
> 
> Sent from my non-employer-monitored communications device using TapaTalk.


A great deal of romantic love is based around attachment rather than love. However, there is also that part of being slightly love-struck that releases great joy, and that joy is real. It can also lead to boring, everyday love in some cases and that is beautiful.


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## RandomDude

Ehehehe hahaha!










Think I might try this with my cat!


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## 3Xnocharm

Soooo....my ex husband, my daughter's dad...shot himself in the head overnight Wed. His mother found him in his bedroom yesterday afternoon.


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## TooNice

3Xnocharm said:


> Soooo....my ex husband, my daughter's dad...shot himself in the head overnight Wed. His mother found him in his bedroom yesterday afternoon.




Oh, my goodness. There are no words. I am so very sorry. Love and prayers to you, your daughter and to his family. 


~Just breathe.


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## ButtPunch

3Xnocharm said:


> Soooo....my ex husband, my daughter's dad...shot himself in the head overnight Wed. His mother found him in his bedroom yesterday afternoon.


OMG....:surprise:


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## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> Soooo....my ex husband, my daughter's dad...shot himself in the head overnight Wed. His mother found him in his bedroom yesterday afternoon.


 I am so sorry 3X, how are you doing?


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## 3Xnocharm

Thank you. Shocking, even though everyone was afraid this might happen. Everyone tried to help him. I really am not sure how to get her through this.


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## TooNice

3Xnocharm said:


> Everyone tried to help him. I really am not sure how to get her through this.


You will simply be there for her. That's all you can do right now. You'll be there for her and listen, or just sit quietly and hold her. You'll make sure she gets the resources she needs to help her understand her dad's illness and to recognize that no one could have stopped this except him, and he had to WANT the help offered to him.

It's a horrible thing to go through when you are in his shoes, but the unanswered questions never go away for those left behind. It's just so sad. 

I really am so sorry.


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## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> You will simply be there for her. That's all you can do right now. You'll be there for her and listen, or just sit quietly and hold her. You'll make sure she gets the resources she needs to help her understand her dad's illness and to recognize that no one could have stopped this except him, and he had to WANT the help offered to him.
> 
> It's a horrible thing to go through when you are in his shoes, but the unanswered questions never go away for those left behind. It's just so sad.
> 
> I really am so sorry.


Thank you. She is feeling guilty and responsible because back in December, she stopped staying with him. (she's 19) We have all reassured her that its not her fault. I reminded her that her not being around was a good thing, because she could have been the one to find him...she told me that she stopped going into his bedroom for that very reason.  

Today she is mad.


----------



## tripad

3Xnocharm said:


> Soooo....my ex husband, my daughter's dad...shot himself in the head overnight Wed. His mother found him in his bedroom yesterday afternoon.


No words to express how sorry i am for what your family is going through now .

It's nobody's fault .


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## RandomDude

What a selfish, selfish thing to do. That's the nicest thing I can say about it.


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## Pluto2

3Xnocharm said:


> Thank you. She is feeling guilty and responsible because back in December, she stopped staying with him. (she's 19) We have all reassured her that its not her fault. I reminded her that her not being around was a good thing, because she could have been the one to find him...she told me that she stopped going into his bedroom for that very reason.
> 
> Today she is mad.


I'm so sorry for all of you.
Survivor's guilt. Can you get her some counseling, her emotions must be going in all kinds of directions, for all kinds of reasons.


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## vi_bride04

Omg 3x. Life is strange and some people can't handle their demons. Stinks to deal with something of this caliber but I know you will be able to be there for your daughter.

How are you doing with the news emotionally?


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## TooNice

I had a date last night! Met last week through a mutual friend (was not a set up; we were just out together). Unfortunately, we met at my local pub on a night when I chose to let loose a little. Not typically a first impression I prefer to make. BUT, we had a nice do-over with a first date last night - and a respectable limit of two glasses of wine.  

It was nice to just sit and talk over drinks. Afterward, we went back to his place and watched a movie. It's been a while since I have had a night like that. And with a guy I wouldn't mind seeing again.


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## ne9907

Awesome TooNice! Great job...

I did something that shamed me. I called the love-bombing-fool, went over his place, and we had sex....

It was good sex but awful feeling. Since then, I had to block his number again. I feel so sorry for him. I kinda used him. He clearly wants something else from me and I cannot give it to him. I am disappointed in myself, because I had told myself I would not have sex without love.

Live and learn... Now, I will remember how disappointed in myself I felt while being with that guy whenever I get horny.... I cannot do this again.


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## RandomDude

Think it's official guys, love, relationships, just never going to happen. I gave it a decent shot again this year, but I don't think it's going to happen, not with my standards, and I will not lower for any reason.

Once again I am to process the stages of grief, but I will come to accept it, especially now that I have enough reason to give up for good, cause I know that I have tried, and tried hard.


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## Bananapeel

RD, I love reading your posts but you're a bit of a drama queen. Date to have fun and if you do that then you win. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to follow an impossible life plan that requires things you have no control of. I mean this with the utmost of respect, but if you were my little brother I'd kick you in the sack and tell you to stop whining, live your life the way it unfolds naturally, and enjoy the journey.


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## tripad

RD

Much as i understand the thoughts of a perfectionist in you 

But ya take the date as a date n take it easy n see where it goes 

Not sure if i can do it myself when i have a date

No man no date no OLD account to complain about anymore 

Sigh working hard n the loneliness is hitting my morale .


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## RandomDude

That's the thing, I no longer have fun dating. And compared with what I had in ex-wife's and I's early years, sex is so shallow. Like, what's the point?

I've just lost interest in all that I've seen, and going to cut my losses. I just don't see the point anymore, for myself at least. I've just had enough.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

You sound like a really driven and ambitious guy, RD, who works hard to get ahead in life. Put enough work into something, and you'll succeed eventually. And you see the little bits of progress on the way. I think you approached dating from that mindset.

Relationships just don't work that same way. Most group projects or partnerships, it's okay if one member doesn't pull their weight. The other(s) will work double hard, get it done and the whole project is still a success. In a relationship, BOTH partners have to be on the same page and BOTH people have to be putting in the effort. In dating, one person could be doing the work and seeing what they believe is progress, and then the other person wrecks it, even accidentally.

I don't think you need to give up dating altogether. I think there's a hardworking woman out there somewhere who would be compatible with you. But she may be too busy with her career to be online dating, or something. I think you might have more success in your personal network, being set up by a friend, that sort of thing.

You might also benefit from some self-analysis. I'm not saying to give up your principles, dealbreakers or criteria. But maybe have a look at how you can reframe your thinking into something more compatible with dating, instead of expecting results just because you work hard.


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## RandomDude

If I don't tell myself that I'm giving up for good how else am I supposed to harden up so I can adapt back into celibate life? I don't want these flickers of hope hovering around, that's what got me out of my shell this year in the first place and look what happened! I was content last year, ignorance is bliss, then after getting back in the scene felt alive again... only to realise that my love-limb was cut from circulation for so long that it has become nothing but a source of pain and needs to be amputated with no possibility to revive it. I want it gone, amputated. Why? As it drags me down in my otherwise happy life. 

And I can't afford to be down, I need to be at the top of my game. Now more than ever. I have no room for a relationship and its trials. Not now, and if I am to survive this I have to close myself off from even thinking about the possibility of it happening in the future, as hope prevents me from accepting my reality, and that acceptance is the last stage of grief I must process.


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## vi_bride04

If you enjoyed your own company RD, you wouldn't feel alone or the need/want to be in a relationship.


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## RandomDude

I felt alone and the desire for a relationship because I still believed it was possible. I did not adapt completely, as Pandora's box was not fully sealed. I had hope.

I need to be rid of my unrealistic expectations and embrace the reality that it's never going to happen. Then I can once again live life according to how I see fit. I was hardened both in celibacy and with ex-gf, and yet it was the guilt of breaking ex-gf's heart that left me with enough of a bitter taste to make me celibate. It's this stupid desire for love that destroys everything.

Heck even if my lust for the opposite sex is strong enough (which it isn't anymore), then sure, I'll get another friend with benefits - I'll just have to be prepare myself for the next one instead of jumping straight from porn to ***** like the last one I fked up on. Fking embarrassing really. But never again will I try to make a relationship out of an arrangement like that.


----------



## anewstart60

Bananapeel said:


> RD, I love reading your posts but you're a bit of a drama queen. Date to have fun and if you do that then you win. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to follow an impossible life plan that requires things you have no control of. I mean this with the utmost of respect, but if you were my little brother I'd kick you in the sack and tell you to stop whining, live your life the way it unfolds naturally, and enjoy the journey.


This!!!!!


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## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> What a selfish, selfish thing to do. That's the nicest thing I can say about it.


Thanks everyone for the kind words. RD you nailed how I see it too. Someone asked how Im doing emotionally...my pain is for my daughter. I keep telling myself, hey you were married to this man, but it doesnt seem to be really sinking in. I always thought of him as family, any other feelings were long dead when we divorced 16 years ago. I kind of feel like stone any more, I have had such devastating loss in the last year and a half, and it really bothers me that I am like this now. I have always been such a sensitive person. Because of that, I have a feeling that this is survival mode for my mind and spirit, I think if it didnt harden that it would overwhelm and damage me seriously. 

The main feeling I have is anger. I am pissed that he did this selfish thing. He has a great extended family, so many people that cared and loved him. I barely have any family left at all, he never appreciated what he had with them. He was always rigid and close minded, never capable of going with the flow. He did not adjust well to change at all, and his whole identity was wrapped up in his job. I never ever thought he would do this.


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## tripad

If he had people who loved him , why did he do that ? Such destructive act ? 

It must take a lot to pull the trigger


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> If he had people who loved him , why did he do that ? Such destructive act ?
> 
> It must take a lot to pull the trigger


Because they feel the world will be better off without them. Because the pain is too much, because we feel unworthy of the love, unworthy of life....

I have looked into the eyes of suicide, too closely.

When I was married, I felt so alone so desperate, my family was 1000 miles away and they loved me. I remember being in the bath tub taking a bath. Remember thinking "If I were to slice my wrist, he wouldn't notice until I bleed away... he wouldn't notice until maybe tomorrow"

I took a razor... I looked at my arms, at the razor, at the situation, at how my ex husband was neglecting me.... how I felt so unhappy, so unloved... Then I was afraid to go to Hell, I know God does not approve of suicide... I wanted God to love me....then I woke up. 


I began my exit plan.... I felt I needed to be happy. 
Some of us have a mind that is predisposed (?) to dark thoughts... I have such mind. I am so sorry X, it was a selfish thing and you have a right to be angry... forgive him in your own time.


----------



## tripad

Oh my God . I am sorry for all who had the dark thoughts . I pray i will never get there .

It must be lonely .

I am lonely without a man but i am fuzking busy in reality over everything else


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## 3Xnocharm

Ne, Im sorry to read that you were once in that same place.


----------



## FeministInPink

My best friend--we met in college--has made several attempts on her own life, all of them before I met her, and early in our friendship, I had to talk her off of the metaphorical edge once or twice. I made her promise, early on in our friendship, that if she was ever having thoughts of suicide that she might act on, she will call me right away. I specify "act on" because someone who is depressive thinks about suicide every day.

Towards the end of her collegiate career, she finally sought out the mental health services she so desperately needed, and she was diagnosed as manic-depressive. It turns out that there is a lot of undiagnosed and untreated mental illness in her family. But with the right treatment--early enough in her life, when her brain chemistry was still developing and still maleable--she is doing much, much better. She isn't cured, and she still suffers from her man-dep, and always will, but now she has better tools to deal with it.

She's also managed to find purpose and direction in her own life in recent years, which she has struggled with for most of the time that I've known her. 

She hasn't made any attempts in almost 20 years now, but I still have that fear that someday I'll get a call from her brother, mother, or husband, telling me that she's taken her own life.

It isn't always the people you expect. My friend is one of the kindest, most generous, and most empathetic people you will ever meet. We have so much fun together, it should be illegal! But she struggles every day, and only those who know her best understand, and even then, we never fully know what's going on in her mind.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

tripad said:


> Oh my God . I am sorry for all who had the dark thoughts . I pray i will never get there .
> 
> It must be lonely .
> 
> I am lonely without a man but i am fuzking busy in reality over everything else





3Xnocharm said:


> Ne, Im sorry to read that you were once in that same place.


Thank you. I have felt so much better since the divorce. Sometimes, I get the dark thoughts, but I am able to push them away.

I had never felt so lonely, so unwanted, so unloved as when I was married.

My life is pretty good and am glad God pulled me away from the darkness.


----------



## RandomDude

DAMN this depression is killing me, it's invading my thoughts insisting to be processed when it needs to remain in the backburner when I have so much more important responsibilities that require my attention. 

BAH! It eats away at me, like a constant sting in my gut, sucking the life out of me, trying to rob me of my joy that I have with my life and my daughter. I have so much to be thankful for, yet this depression tries to rob me of the joy. No, I won't let it... I WILL be happy. That is my choice for I have none other. I will... somehow... please... if there is any God out there, help me be content and joyful again.

*sigh*

BAH! FK IT

/end vent


----------



## *Deidre*

Being single feels both odd and good at the same time, after being engaged for 6 months. It's strange, people already wanting to introduce me to their friends' friends...lol Um, I just ended an engagement, let me breathe a little.  Anyways, hope everyone's doing well in here!


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## Miss Independent

.


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## Miss Independent

.


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## *Deidre*

spinsterdurga said:


> I was sad when I read that your engagement ended; however, I'm glad that you're ok .


((thank you)) It feels strange but at the same time, good? I was looking today at what was to be my wedding dress, and it made me sad. Sad that I was so sure of this, and now it vanished as if it never happened. All I have is this dress. He has been texting me all week, and wanted to open up discussions again, but blame me. lol I wish we didn't need love. Maybe that is the problem with humans.


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## RandomDude

Better now... finding answers...

Processing...


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## RandomDude

*sigh* Figured this depression is to do with losing hope. Unfortunately it remains a desire, and while we have desire it is only natural to hope for it. No, this isn't healthy.

I'm going to keep hoping, that maybe there's still someone else out there. I simply don't understand how other guys do it, like, "yup, its all about money with my wife, that's just reality", and not be in the same depressing state as I was last night. Oh wait that's right... acceptance.

And I just realised that I can't... yay!


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## RandomDude

Judge me all you like with my thoughts, but I will continue to do what I have to do to so I can process my emotions away from public life.

As for what I can offer a woman? Why are you baiting me to boast? That's something for people to discover, not for me to claim with my own words. I know what I can, and have brought into a relationship and I also know what I have brought into a relationship that I must not bring about again. And that's all that I am going to boast about.


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## Miss Independent

.


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## RandomDude

Seriously do you simply not understand the concept of vents? Yes you are judging, you can't slap an ass and then say you didn't slap it lol

You say I need to fix myself, so tell me what I need to fix. What is it that you identify is my issue? My language during my vents? I remain in control but I will let it out.


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## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> As for what I can offer a woman? Why are you baiting me to boast? That's something for people to discover, not for me to claim with my own words. I know what I can, and have brought into a relationship and I also know what I have brought into a relationship that I must not bring about again. And that's all that I am going to boast about.


It's not boasting it's knowing with confidence what qualities you have to offer a mate.


----------



## Bananapeel

RandomDude said:


> You say I need to fix myself, so tell me what I need to fix. What is it that you identify is my issue? My language during my vents? I remain in control but I will let it out.


Dude, it's your attitude. You project neediness, insecurity, depression, being controlling, and having impossible expectations when want to project being happy, fun/easy going, and centered. If you were to approach life thinking about all the good it's given you and use that to develop a positive attitude, women would be far more likely to be drawn to you. Happy people don't need to vent about life not giving them everything they want, instead they find joy in what they have, and that inevitably breeds more success.

One quick example for you:
Unhealthy attitude - I want a woman so I can live a complete, fulfilling, happy life.
Healthy attitude - I am living a complete, fulfilling, happy life and would enjoy having a similar someone share it with me.

See how these project different things despite the overall goal being similar? There are a lot of non-verbals that go with a healthy attitude that will radiate off you and make you more attractive to a potential partner.


----------



## anewstart60

Bananapeel said:


> Dude, it's your attitude. You project neediness, insecurity, depression, being controlling, and having impossible expectations when want to project being happy, fun/easy going, and centered. If you were to approach life thinking about all the good it's given you and use that to develop a positive attitude, women would be far more likely to be drawn to you. Happy people don't need to vent about life not giving them everything they want, instead they find joy in what they have, and that inevitably breeds more success.
> 
> One quick example for you:
> Unhealthy attitude - I want a woman so I can live a complete, fulfilling, happy life.
> Healthy attitude - I am living a complete, fulfilling, happy life and would enjoy having a similar someone share it with me.
> 
> See how these project different things despite the overall goal being similar? There are a lot of non-verbals that go with a healthy attitude that will radiate off you and make you more attractive to a potential partner.


He seems alot like my Ex Wife. He needs to be unhappy and doesn't know how or really want to be happy. Lives for the Drama!


----------



## ne9907

I had a nice dream last night, 

So I dream I visited my ex husband, we were in an old house we used to lived. In my dream, my family was there and wondering what I was doing visiting him. I felt so much love in my dream. So much love coming from ex. I felt cared, valued, I felt so many loving emotions from ex... 

I always over analyze my dreams. Perhaps, in the beginning our love was strong and wonderful. Perhaps he never loved him. He always hid the evil side of him to me and everyone else. I used to wonder how such an amazing person be truly evil? How do people separate the two from colliding?

In the good years (we were together 15) I saw 75% of his amazing side, 25% was bad, but not evil. I never saw the evil side...

In conclusion, I have been loved madly, deeply, strongly.... but was it real? Still not entirely sure.

But I do know how to feel loved and I want that again, without the evil side 

I am pretty happy


----------



## foolscotton3

Bananapeel said:


> One quick example for you:
> Unhealthy attitude - I NEED a woman so I can live a complete, fulfilling, happy life.
> Healthy attitude - I am living a complete, fulfilling, happy life and would enjoy having a similar someone share it with me.


Edited...
One projects instability, that is what we are all seeing RD, your emotional and mental instability, and yea you do project that publicly.

The other projects stability, which attracts all kinds of women, good and evil, and you get the task of filtering them out of your life.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## tripad

Read that a woman was killed n killer had sex on her dead body ! now i am glad i close all accounts n had never went on a date with one from OLD


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## *Deidre*

Bananapeel said:


> Dude, it's your attitude. You project neediness, insecurity, depression, being controlling, and having impossible expectations when want to project being happy, fun/easy going, and centered. If you were to approach life thinking about all the good it's given you and use that to develop a positive attitude, women would be far more likely to be drawn to you. Happy people don't need to vent about life not giving them everything they want, instead they find joy in what they have, and that inevitably breeds more success.
> 
> One quick example for you:
> Unhealthy attitude - I want a woman so I can live a complete, fulfilling, happy life.
> Healthy attitude - I am living a complete, fulfilling, happy life and would enjoy having a similar someone share it with me.
> 
> See how these project different things despite the overall goal being similar? There are a lot of non-verbals that go with a healthy attitude that will radiate off you and make you more attractive to a potential partner.


I love this! Just as general advice, even. So very true!


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## RandomDude

Bananapeel said:


> Dude, it's your attitude. You project neediness, insecurity, depression, being controlling, and having impossible expectations when want to project being happy, fun/easy going, and centered. If you were to approach life thinking about all the good it's given you and use that to develop a positive attitude, women would be far more likely to be drawn to you. Happy people don't need to vent about life not giving them everything they want, instead they find joy in what they have, and that inevitably breeds more success.
> 
> One quick example for you:
> Unhealthy attitude - I want a woman so I can live a complete, fulfilling, happy life.
> Healthy attitude - I am living a complete, fulfilling, happy life and would enjoy having a similar someone share it with me.
> 
> See how these project different things despite the overall goal being similar? There are a lot of non-verbals that go with a healthy attitude that will radiate off you and make you more attractive to a potential partner.


You are correct, just understand that I have my up times and my down times. This thread helps me with my down times.

I deliberately add an "/end vent" at the end of posts that I know full well are going to lead to misunderstandings, these are thoughts that I need to eject from my mind in a place with the fewest consequences, such as a little corner of the internet away from public life.

I was quite down recently after a discussion with friends and reflecting on the women I've met thus far, and I felt as if all hope was lost. When that happened I felt like I had a sickness as it affected my performance in my responsibilities and needed time to process it and heal. Venting helps as I'm sure you can understand.

I am human, not a machine and I allow myself to be at my worst here. Anyway I'm tired of repeating myself.


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Bananapeel said:
> 
> 
> 
> Dude, it's your attitude. You project neediness, insecurity, depression, being controlling, and having impossible expectations when want to project being happy, fun/easy going, and centered. If you were to approach life thinking about all the good it's given you and use that to develop a positive attitude, women would be far more likely to be drawn to you. Happy people don't need to vent about life not giving them everything they want, instead they find joy in what they have, and that inevitably breeds more success.
> 
> One quick example for you:
> Unhealthy attitude - I want a woman so I can live a complete, fulfilling, happy life.
> Healthy attitude - I am living a complete, fulfilling, happy life and would enjoy having a similar someone share it with me.
> 
> See how these project different things despite the overall goal being similar? There are a lot of non-verbals that go with a healthy attitude that will radiate off you and make you more attractive to a potential partner.
> 
> 
> 
> You are correct, just understand that I have my up times and my down times. This thread helps me with my down times.
> 
> I deliberately add an "/end vent" at the end of posts that I know full well are going to lead to misunderstandings, these are thoughts that I need to eject from my mind in a place with the fewest consequences, such as a little corner of the internet away from public life.
> 
> I was quite down recently after a discussion with friends and reflecting on the women I've met thus far, and I felt as if all hope was lost. When that happened I felt like I had a sickness as it affected my performance in my responsibilities and needed time to process it and heal. Venting helps as I'm sure you can understand.
> 
> I am human, not a machine and I allow myself to be at my worst here. Anyway I'm tired of repeating myself.
Click to expand...

RD

Yes you are venting here where there are no consequences . Venting your darkest moments .

Understood .

But attracted a lot of negative comments just like what happened to me many months back .

Sigh .

Yes ladies n gentlemen here . Cut him some slack . 

If we cant vent here , where are we to go to .............


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## RandomDude

Maybe we should add more disclaimers, not just an "end vent" but...

For eg, I could copy and paste this to every vent:
"Disclaimer: Venting, these thoughts do not represent me as a person, but it needs to be let out"

Saves having to explain ourselves lol


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## foolscotton3

RD, even our comments must contribute to your catharsis, no?

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Most do yes, some even hit a note and help me realise things, but some others just waste my time as it doesn't apply to me in real life and when I ignore the messages they end up being repeated for pages and pages until I finally confront it and explain myself lol

The latter most common when I forget to add an /end vent or when people don't understand why I put the /end vent there


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## tripad

In case i am just repeating 

I feel down . Working my ass off . Deadbeat husband . Yet he pisses me off constantly with some stupid comments .

Like today . My son just informed the dad that he doesnt need to send him for bowling lessons as mummy is not paying because he misbehaves . 

The father has this tendency to oppose evertything i do . So he said if mum wont pay for bowling , i will , come now . 

I text him not to act heroic over 60$ when child support is not delivered for months . 
I am pissed . 

No man in 5 metres radius . The occassional man stares n makes no move , assuming i have a husband , i guess , since i have the wifey look . 

I am peaceful yet wish i have an adult to talk to when i am down or to share my joy when i am up


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## RandomDude

> Like today . My son just informed the dad that he doesnt need to send him for bowling lessons as mummy is not paying because he misbehaves .
> 
> The father has this tendency to oppose evertything i do . So he said if mum wont pay for bowling , i will , come now .


Wow...



> I text him not to act heroic over 60$ when child support is not delivered for months .


Good response lol



> No man in 5 metres radius . The occassional man stares n makes no move , assuming i have a husband , i guess , since i have the wifey look .


Start fluttering!










*shivers and cringe*

Actually, no don't flutter LIKE THAT, but do flutter, subtly! lol

At the very least give them eye contact back and a smile.


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## tripad

During PTA i actually said hi are our boys in the same class . No he said . I said Excuse me it's my turn now to speak to the teacher now .

Later i saw him staring out of corner of my eye . I would give him my number if he asks , coffee , movie , anything ( just not sex )

But he didnt .

Sigh .

You mean i must look over , stare and flutter ! OMG . Never done that before .


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## tripad

Lost a few students ( in education biz ) feeling lousy . Start questioning how to do better . But limited manhours .

Though i gain some others . But it is me , just doesnt like business to slip away . 

Times like this . Just want a hug n a squeeze n a shoulder to lean on . Sigh .


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## RandomDude

tripad said:


> During PTA i actually said hi are our boys in the same class . No he said . I said Excuse me it's my turn now to speak to the teacher now.


:|

Maybe I should write a book on how to show men that you are interested...



> Later i saw him staring out of corner of my eye . I would give him my number if he asks , coffee , movie , anything ( just not sex )
> 
> But he didnt .
> 
> Sigh .


Well, what did you expect? heh

You weren't exactly being suggestive, too casual. And even then if you saw him staring, at the very least be inviting by returning eye contact and a smile.

If you look away it means any of these things to a man:
1) I am not interested
2) I have a boyfriend

When a man finds a woman attractive he will automatically think that she is taken, because the thought comes "how can she be single?", so you can't rely them on them to know everything about you. 

You need to let them know it's ok for them to approach you.



> You mean i must look over , stare and flutter ! OMG . Never done that before .


Haha I was kidding but if you ever had the fem-balls to do that - high five! lol

Still, as I mentioned, at least be inviting.


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## tripad

let's try again.

look over and smile .:x

Dont act too cool :nerd:


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## RandomDude

Once you have a man's attention, you can take him to another world with just your eyes.

Use your assets, maintain the connection, smile, pull him towards you with your eyes, if he's not an idiot, he'll make the move. If you do all that, and he still doesn't approach you despite giving you obvious signs that he's interested, forgive him, he's shy, nervous, lost for words, mesmerised by you, it happens. Maybe if you see him again, give him another chance. But after 2, if he doesn't shape up, he does not deserve you.


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## foolscotton3

Just point at your vagina and make the "ohh-yeah-face," works 100% of the time guaranteed.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre*

tripad said:


> let's try again.
> 
> look over and smile .:x
> 
> Dont act too cool :nerd:


There are signals you can give to men to appear interested in them approaching, but in my experience, alpha type men just approach, and aren't afraid of rejection. It depends on what type of man you are interested in, but if you need to do something entirely not on your comfort zone to gain the attention of men, to me...those aren't the 'right men.' Just my thoughts to it. I've never been married, recently broke off my engagement, and I don't have kids, so not sure if this dynamic changes when a single person has kids. 

But, that's my thoughts to it anyways. If it's the right situation, it just sort of flows and happens ...as it should.


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## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> Just point at your vagina and make the "ohh-yeah-face," works 100% of the time guaranteed.
> 
> Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


:rofl:


----------



## 3Xnocharm

*Deidre* said:


> ((thank you)) It feels strange but at the same time, good? I was looking today at what was to be my wedding dress, and it made me sad. Sad that I was so sure of this, and now it vanished as if it never happened. All I have is this dress. He has been texting me all week, and wanted to open up discussions again, but blame me. lol I wish we didn't need love. Maybe that is the problem with humans.


Deidre, what happened with your engagement? I didn't see a thread about it...


----------



## *Deidre*

3Xnocharm said:


> Deidre, what happened with your engagement? I didn't see a thread about it...


Hi, well...he wanted to move in together, and the wedding was planned for October. He was on the exact same page as me with this, but think he allowed our friends who live together with their SO's, and aren't married, to get in his head, and convince him that living together before marriage was a wise choice. It wasn't so much that he wanted this with me, but that he did such an about face with it, and became kind of rude about it. Then, I started seeing things I hadn't seen before, and it all caused me to pause and wonder if I actually can see myself living with someone day in, day out. Like a Pandora's box of emotions opened up, and so here we are...broken up. It's not entirely sad, we seem to want to keep a friendship. That goes against my break up code lol but, I could make an exception with him, because he really is an amazing guy. He has texted me all week, missing me...and thinking we could still keep going out, but when I end relationships, I don't turn back. That's just me.  I didn't want a thread about it, as there is a part of me that's embarrassed that my friends and family are still in shock over this, and were so excited about me getting married this year. :/


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## RandomDude

Thinking really... I think I want miss pony back... is it still possible? Or should I not even entertain this thought?


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## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Thinking really... I think I want miss pony back... is it still possible? Or should I not even entertain this thought?


Just be prepared for rejection

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

I think after all the disappointment last few months it's worth a shot though no?

What you do you think are the odds? We left on a good note but we just dropped contact. 15%? 0.01%? I'll take anything higher than 4%


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## Miss Independent

.


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## Miss Independent

.


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## RandomDude

Because...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjYYordQ55c

She's SIMPLY THE BEST!!!


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## RandomDude

Ok fk it, I'm doing it...

*plans*


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## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Ok fk it, I'm doing it...
> 
> *plans*


My line is usually.

"Still kicking ass with your looks?"

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Lol 

Heh after four months she picks up her phone and gets this:
"Just heard someone stopped traffic the other day, was it you?"

Lol fk I DUNNO, I'm rustier than a rust bucket!

Ah hell *googles pick up lines*

Must do this carefully...


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## *Deidre*

Why not just call her and say you've missed her?  If she is with someone else, nothing was lost, you tried.


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## RandomDude

Well I do need to set the mood somehow, so looking for a good first line, then I'll text her. Maybe increase my chances from 4% to 8%!

Nothing too intrusive... but call her? Maybe? But wouldn't that be errr, a little too full on?

*thinks*


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## foolscotton3

Over thinking it is full on, just give her a call and let her lead

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

=/

But I only have just... ONE SHOT... Yo!









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0hxJEqEdiM


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## *Deidre*

Calling her is better. Texting is an easy way out. You text for someone you don't really have feelings for, but a phone call shows more effort, IMO.

If she doesn't pick up, don't leave a voice mail. If she does pick up...say, hey - I was just thinking about you, and wanted to say hi. If she is like, ''I'm dating someone now, gotta go.'' Then, you tried. But, I wouldn't try after that. 

Good luck!


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## RandomDude

Besides, if lets say ex-GF calls me after so long my first impression would be "what the fk?" Not exactly good to set a romantic mood, so a text is better no? Make her curious maybe but not to shock her no?



*Deidre* said:


> Calling her is better. Texting is an easy way out. You text for someone you don't really have feelings for, but a phone call shows more effort, IMO.
> 
> If she doesn't pick up, don't leave a voice mail. If she does pick up...say, hey - I was just thinking about you, and wanted to say hi. If she is like, ''I'm dating someone now, gotta go.'' Then, you tried. But, I wouldn't try after that.
> 
> Good luck!


Or that... hmmm...

*thinks*

Ok... but it should be a better line than that no? I mean, just "thinking about you and wanted to say hi" that's not very original! =/


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## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> Besides, if lets say ex-GF calls me after so long my first impression would be "what the fk?" Not exactly good to set a romantic mood, so a text is better no? Make her curious maybe but not to shock her no?
> 
> 
> 
> Or that... hmmm...
> 
> *thinks*
> 
> Ok... but it should be a better line than that no? I mean, just "thinking about you and wanted to say hi" that's not very original! =/


You have to remember why you stopped seeing each other, because she does. Your action of picking the phone up and saying hi, will be very brave of you, in her eyes. (if she isn't dating someone else, etc and may still have interest) You know her, maybe say something that will catch HER attention, specifically. But, if the reason you both broke up has no chance of resolving itself, then if you start dating again, those same issues will still be there.


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## RandomDude

I have no idea why I'm thinking and it's probably the dumbest idea I can think of but:

Maybe I'll pose as someone from traffic authority or something, in other word a friendly prank on her first, then get into conversation, I dunno - sounds stupid doesn't it? Reason: There is a huge block of ice right now between me and her, if I don't break it in seconds even if she's single I doubt she would decide to entertain me for an additional minute to hear out what I have to say.

Thoughts?



*Deidre* said:


> You have to remember why you stopped seeing each other, because she does. Your action of picking the phone up and saying hi, will be very brave of you, in her eyes. (if she isn't dating someone else, etc and may still have interest) You know her, maybe say something that will catch HER attention, specifically. But, if the reason you both broke up has no chance of resolving itself, then if you start dating again, those same issues will still be there.


We didn't do anything bad to one another, we just couldn't compromise. I'm now ready to compromise.


----------



## *Deidre*

lol DO NOT pretend to be someone else haha That's funny here, but might not turn out well in the real situation 

What are you willing to compromise on? Think through it all, and then make a decision. But, at the end of the day, the worst thing she can say is 'not interested.' And you have to accept that your ego might be hurt, but understand...she might just not want to entertain you again, because she doesn't want to get hurt (again) ...sometimes 'no' isn't what it seems. #femalelogic


----------



## RandomDude

Heh she's a fun girl, if it's funny enough it'll get her attention. Just have to think of something lol, and even if she hangs up on me mid-prank I can call up or text and still say it's me lol! (That's assuming she at the least laughs during the call)

Just want to start off on a fun, happy note, rather than a depressing "come back to me" note lol

Rejection? Meh, I'm not afraid!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5-yKhDd64s

Actually I am - but I'm more afraid of knowing what I know now, and looking back, regretting not taking a chance with someone I actually clicked with simply because of such stupid reasons like impatience for sex. Besides I guess I made my decision, SimplyAmorous really hit it in the nail in my other thread, we're both *idealists*


----------



## *Deidre*

Think I remember some posts about this, and you should be thankful she doesn't sleep around. The fact that she wants to wait, shows class. Not saying people who sleep with people quickly are not classy, but we live in a culture that treats sex as another form of recreation. It's not, to some people. Our culture tries to tell us that the person isn't into you at all, if sex isn't happening. Another fallacy. So, if you and she try another go at this, try to view sex differently...and that you don't need it from someone, to feel valuable to the person. And, you shouldn't require it to feel good about yourself, either.


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah, looking back, I was impatient. It was torture because she was very affectionate and so romantic and it turns me on so much. But hell, if she could prove to me that she can love me without money, I should prove to her that I can love her without sex. Both things are important in the end but love should be more pure than that.

Hmmm, ok that's my line.

Wait... no >.< sounds corny, and I don't want her to think it's just about her being one of the few romantics like me out there, but because of everything else, maybe remind her of what happened on that road trip....

Hmmm.... *thinks*


----------



## RandomDude

Ah hell fk it, not going to think about it anymore. I know what I have to do, icebreak, laugh, ask, propose, done.

I'll try not to blush.


----------



## sosotte

So I decided to give OLD a try and registered on *******. I set a search for my absolute all favorite (non smoker, no kids but wants them, etc, etc) and the results came with only 6 matches lol. Only 1 of them I found physically attractive. So I "liked him" and said "Hi " and he replied! We started chatting a bit there, then on whatsapp, and then met for a first date on wednesday. And... it went perfect!! very casual, nice. He messaged me after the date to say hi and that he had a good time and I was pretty. And we said to meet again soon, probably tomorrow, or some time next week.

I'm so excited about this now!!


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> Ah hell fk it, not going to think about it anymore. I know what I have to do, icebreak, laugh, ask, propose, done.
> 
> I'll try not to blush.


I have a good feeling about this 



sosotte said:


> So I decided to give OLD a try and registered on *******. I set a search for my absolute all favorite (non smoker, no kids but wants them, etc, etc) and the results came with only 6 matches lol. Only 1 of them I found physically attractive. So I "liked him" and said "Hi " and he replied! We started chatting a bit there, then on whatsapp, and then met for a first date on wednesday. And... it went perfect!! very casual, nice. He messaged me after the date to say hi and that he had a good time and I was pretty. And we said to meet again soon, probably tomorrow, or some time next week.
> 
> I'm so excited about this now!!


That's awesome - very happy for you!


----------



## RandomDude

Ok guys good news!

I called her up from a private phone, as the Roads and Traffic Authority and accused her of halting traffic lol (I know, it's so corny but I couldn't think of anything else better hahaha!), and... she actually took it seriously!!! :rofl:

She kinda picked up it was a prank when I mentioned reports that drivers have reported a woman by her description, mesmerising drivers and leaving behind evidence of broken hearts lol. She played along at first but then eventually she asked who it was and I gave her a hint - something we shared on our 3rd date - and she picked it up straight away! You have no idea how good that made me feel!

Anyway we are catching up this week, guess all the years developing my business has kept me sharp on my cold calling lol
(As well as the years pranking people for fun... hey, it's a good skill to have lol!!!!!) WOOOOOOOHOOOOO STILL IN THE GAME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA! 

Still the dazzle period though, so she may call me back in a few hours and go "errr, actually not interested" or "errr, actually I have a boyfriend" etc etc

BUT FK IT!!! She hasn't called back, so SCORE!!! WOOOOOT! Hahah lol WTF I can't believe what I have just done!!!!  I'm so HAPPY!


----------



## RandomDude

Still in the friend zone though, but hell it feels good to know I've still got a chance!


----------



## RandomDude

sosotte said:


> So I decided to give OLD a try and registered on *******. I set a search for my absolute all favorite (non smoker, no kids but wants them, etc, etc) and the results came with only 6 matches lol. Only 1 of them I found physically attractive. So I "liked him" and said "Hi " and he replied! We started chatting a bit there, then on whatsapp, and then met for a first date on wednesday. And... it went perfect!! very casual, nice. He messaged me after the date to say hi and that he had a good time and I was pretty. And we said to meet again soon, probably tomorrow, or some time next week.
> 
> I'm so excited about this now!!


Heh it's alot better than other sites isn't it?

Don't raise your expectations too high though, give it some time


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> Ok guys good news!
> 
> I called her up from a private phone, as the Roads and Traffic Authority and accused her of halting traffic lol (I know, it's so corny but I couldn't think of anything else better hahaha!), and... she actually took it seriously!!! :rofl:
> 
> She kinda picked up it was a prank when I mentioned reports that drivers have reported a woman by her description, mesmerising drivers and leaving behind evidence of broken hearts lol. She played along at first but then eventually she asked who it was and I gave her a hint - something we shared on our 3rd date - and she picked it up straight away! You have no idea how good that made me feel!
> 
> Anyway we are catching up this week, guess all the years developing my business has kept me sharp on my cold calling lol
> (As well as the years pranking people for fun... hey, it's a good skill to have lol!!!!!) WOOOOOOOHOOOOO STILL IN THE GAME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!
> 
> Still the dazzle period though, so she may call me back in a few hours and go "errr, actually not interested" or "errr, actually I have a boyfriend" etc etc
> 
> BUT FK IT!!! She hasn't called back, so SCORE!!! WOOOOOT! Hahah lol WTF I can't believe what I have just done!!!!  I'm so HAPPY!


See? Calling her was the right way to go. :grin2:

You're welcome.


----------



## RandomDude

Oh hell yeah, thanks for that!!! 

Calling is ALOT better than my idea of texting, didn't even have to ask if she's single either, as even if she's seeing someone else, if I can get her out alone then it mustn't be serious yet! (unless she brings him to the party, that would be pretty fked up!)

If she's seeing someone else though then... "sorry bro - she's fair game!" 

Well, I hope it turns out good, based on her voice she doesn't seem pissed at me, could be because I made her laugh or could be a good sign that we can pick up where we left off. We did deal with our disagreement gracefully when we stopped dating so I guess that's a good thing I didn't burn bridges.

Sheez... good thing I broke down recently too, otherwise it could be years before I made a U-turn and realise that I already found what I'm looking for.


----------



## RandomDude

Been reading through my own thread and what made me break up with her a few months ago, asking myself if I'm doing this because I am ready, that I have what she wants or not. Can I be patient with her, earn her trust and give her emotional security just as she gives me? Think for us idealists we do want security just like everyone else, it's just different I guess, for me it's security that she's not in it for the money, and for her it's security that I'm not in it for the sex.

I guess I can tell her to tone down on the passion that drive me a little nuts, but I love that affection at the same time! It leads me to sexual frustration, like getting me hard and no release!

But that's assuming she even gives me a chance again right? Like, ok, she wanted to catch up, but I'm still in the friend zone now, maybe I shouldn't get my hopes too up. Yet for some reason I'm just not afraid anymore.


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> Oh hell yeah, thanks for that!!!
> 
> Calling is ALOT better than my idea of texting, didn't even have to ask if she's single either, as even if she's seeing someone else, if I can get her out alone then it mustn't be serious yet! (unless she brings him to the party, that would be pretty fked up!)
> 
> If she's seeing someone else though then... "sorry bro - she's fair game!"
> 
> Well, I hope it turns out good, based on her voice she doesn't seem pissed at me, could be because I made her laugh or could be a good sign that we can pick up where we left off. We did deal with our disagreement gracefully when we stopped dating so I guess that's a good thing I didn't burn bridges.
> 
> Sheez... good thing I broke down recently too, otherwise it could be years before I made a U-turn and realise that I already found what I'm looking for.


Ugh.. no no pickup where you left off, cause you know... you left off dumping her...

Pick up from where you just hung up the phone and plan on catching up, whatever that means.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## foolscotton3

Though I recently caught up with a girl I dated awhile back and ended up screwing around, but it's been months between contact and when contact does happen our schedules don't line up, however we both know why we're "catching up.."

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

I could be friend zoned for good if I don't make a strong enough case, I wonder if my case would convince her to try again. I simply wasn't ready for her four months ago.


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## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> I could be friend zoned for good if I don't make a strong enough case, I wonder if my case would convince her to try again. I simply wasn't ready for her four months ago.


She can probably make her own decisions based on what she wants regardless of how hard you try to convince her otherwise... Right, that's why you dumped her in the first place, she's strong willed and doesn't fall for schemes.

Just be real, and let her make up her mind, rather than be focused on outcomes you have no control over.

4 weeks from now you're probably going to dump her for the same reasons, so why get into the whole, "this time I'm ready for realz."

Your best odds are to tell her, "gosh, I really ****ed up, you are to amazing to just let go of."

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> She can probably make her own decisions based on what she wants regardless of how hard you try to convince her otherwise... Right, that's why you dumped her in the first place, she's strong willed and doesn't fall for schemes.
> 
> Just be real, and let her make up her mind, rather than be focused on outcomes you have no control over.


Yeah I guess, I'll just repeat what I have found recently, and why I wasn't ready then and why I'm ready now.

I didn't dump her bc she's strong willed, if anything her strong will only ensured my respect for her to this day, I dumped her because we hit a dead end and neither of us could compromise and I didn't want her to be with me when I wasn't ready for someone like her.

The breakup wasn't messy, it was done with respect and maturely, not to mention it was on a pleasant note.

I didn't message her after as a friend for four months because someone like her, I couldn't see as 'just' a friend unless she's taken.



> 4 weeks from now you're probably going to dump her for the same reasons, so why get into the whole, "this time I'm ready for realz."


NO WAY! I would be very disappointed if she lets me fk up twice.


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## RandomDude

Besides she did pull me out of celibacy remember...









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mYBSayCsH0

These things don't happen often!

... think I got oneitis


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## vi_bride04

Holy crap, that was the longest read of second guessing I've seen in awhile.

RD - stop second guessing yourself sooooooo much all the time!!


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## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> think I got oneitis


Maybe, who knows, you might end up hooking up with lots of women and dating Ms. Chastity.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Nah, I can handle it. I just didnt want to. My sex drive is already on the down anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre*

The sum total of the outcome shouldn't be up to one person, though. It'd be one thing if you effed up, cheated on her, and that's why you broke up. And now, you're trying to get back into her 'good graces.' But, if the relationship just was basically broken up over a lack of compromises, you will end up where you were a few months back, if you are the only one compromising. You don't need to 'work' your way back into her good graces, she too needs to meet you halfway. Never put someone on a pedestal, I've had guys do this with me in the past, and it never worked out well. Be true to you.


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## *Deidre*

So, my life is weird right now. I just spent part of the afternoon with a guy who I've been friends with for nearly a year. He told me today that he has had feelings for me but I was going to be getting married, so he didn't want to share them. Thing is, he's good looking and such an awesome guy, BUT....he's a police officer, which goes against my dating code, of who I don't date. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with cops, but they can be bossy in relationships. He's different, it seems. Anyway, I was not expecting to hear that today, yet it made me happy. Life's been a roller coaster this week!


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## RandomDude

It made u happy? Heh for me it would made it awkward!

Ne way I agree with you, I can compromise on the sex but miss pony has to compromise on trying to bulge into my daughters life
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad

*Deidre* said:


> There are signals you can give to men to appear interested in them approaching, but in my experience, alpha type men just approach, and aren't afraid of rejection. It depends on what type of man you are interested in, but if you need to do something entirely not on your comfort zone to gain the attention of men, to me...those aren't the 'right men.' Just my thoughts to it. I've never been married, recently broke off my engagement, and I don't have kids, so not sure if this dynamic changes when a single person has kids.
> 
> But, that's my thoughts to it anyways. If it's the right situation, it just sort of flows and happens ...as it should.


Hmmmm

Yes I think I need the alpha man .

I cant imagine being with a man where I need to take the lead . Not ever again .

But I think at my age with kids , many may assume I have a husband . So the trick is to how I am single but not desperate , which I am not btw .


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:





foolscotton3 said:


> Just point at your vagina and make the "ohh-yeah-face," works 100% of the time guaranteed.
> 
> Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


OMG:surprise:

I am so 0


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## tripad

*Deidre* said:


> Hi, well...he wanted to move in together, and the wedding was planned for October. He was on the exact same page as me with this, but think he allowed our friends who live together with their SO's, and aren't married, to get in his head, and convince him that living together before marriage was a wise choice. It wasn't so much that he wanted this with me, but that he did such an about face with it, and became kind of rude about it. Then, I started seeing things I hadn't seen before, and it all caused me to pause and wonder if I actually can see myself living with someone day in, day out. Like a Pandora's box of emotions opened up, and so here we are...broken up. It's not entirely sad, we seem to want to keep a friendship. That goes against my break up code lol but, I could make an exception with him, because he really is an amazing guy. He has texted me all week, missing me...and thinking we could still keep going out, but when I end relationships, I don't turn back. That's just me.  I didn't want a thread about it, as there is a part of me that's embarrassed that my friends and family are still in shock over this, and were so excited about me getting married this year. :/


I think you did the right thing .

Maybe he thinks that you are getting married so his true self comes out and you see thongs you didnt see before . Had you gone on with the wedding plans , you may have more "true colours" showing up .

My ex showed me some "true colours" I didnt walk away from and I paid with 20 years of my life and loads of money gone too .


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## tripad

spinsterdurga said:


> What's the wifey look?


mumsy , wifey , decent , neighbour next door look .

the kind that the husband wont ditch , except that my ex is a dizk .


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> I could be friend zoned for good if I don't make a strong enough case, I wonder if my case would convince her to try again. I simply wasn't ready for her four months ago.


if I am her , you better have a good reason .


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## FeministInPink

So, I think I need to give all of you an update on Real Estate... 

Things are going very well. Over the last several weeks, we've been spending a LOT of time together. As in, I go to his place on Friday night, we spend the whole weekend together, until I have to leave on Sunday night. And we usually get together at least one night during the week... the week of my birthday (when I had a remarkably light work week), we saw each other 6 out of 7 days, including a mid-week sleepover, as I had my birthday off work. And it's obvious that when it's time for me to go... he doesn't want me to leave. 

And his behavior has been slowly evolving as well. He's become more affectionate, lovey-dovey (for lack of a better term)--both privately and in public. When we go out, he's making a very clear statement that we're together. Which I like, because I like to be physically affectionate. It's one of my love languages. I couldn't be with someone who didn't like to be touched. But I've still been holding back, because he was still holding to the "we're not dating, we're not in a relationship."

And I've not pushed him on this, for a number of reasons. We did talk about it, about 10 days ago, and his reasoning for not wanting a relationship, for not wanting a girlfriend--just so I could have a better understanding of where he's coming from. And it affirmed my decision that I'm not going to push him on this. He's built up some pretty think defensive walls, and me trying to break those down isn't going to help either of us. And I realized that I'm pretty happy with the way things are, even if it's not official. He's meeting all my emotional/physical needs, and I hope I'm doing the same for him.

And then... yesterday.

He mentioned doing some activity, and I said, _well that's really for people who are in a relationships_, and he replied, _not necessarily_. And then, after a beat, he says, _And we ARE a couple. I mean, we're not dating, and we're not in a relationship, but we're definitely a couple. We're together. But we still have the option to date other people if we want._

WE ARE A COUPLE! But we're not in a relationship.

I know. I didn't see the distinction either. But my friend explained it thusly:

_For him to say that the two of you are a couple is a really big deal for him. He has trauma around the idea of relationship... he's saying that it doesn't have to be leading anywhere. He's setting it up so that he doesn't have a huge letdown. He probably doesn't want to see anyone else, but he needs to feel like he has an escape route in the event that you hurt him. He just needs time. He almost drowned before. He's testing and retesting the waters. You'll win his heart before you win his head, and that will take time._

We are moving forward. It seems slow, but we are moving forward in a good way. If he needs time, if he needs to feel like he has an escape route, I'm happy to give that to him. I know I'm not going to hurt him the way that he fears, but he doesn't know that yet. It will take time to earn that trust.


----------



## ne9907

@FeministInPink I am glad you are enjoying yourself with him. 

You guys are in an open relationship. Is this what you want? I do not wish to rain on your parade, be wary of his words. His actions are speaking louder than words at the moment, and this is really good. Just be wary, okay?

ETA: You said you are not going to hurt him, but what if he hurts you??


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## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> @FeministInPink I am glad you are enjoying yourself with him.
> 
> You guys are in an open relationship. Is this what you want? I do not wish to rain on your parade, be wary of his words. His actions are speaking louder than words at the moment, and this is really good. Just be wary, okay?
> 
> ETA: You said you are not going to hurt him, but what if he hurts you??


You know what? I could just as easily be hurt by a guy who says that he wants a relationship, wants to be exclusive, who then cheats on me or dumps me without warning or explanation.

Real Estate is being honest with me regarding where he is and how he feels. For him to acknowledge that we are a couple, that's a really BFD and took a lot of courage on his part. It wasn't something that he said or did lightly.

And it's obvious how much he values and cares for me, in nearly everything that he does when we are together. I don't think that he would ever want to hurt me. Honestly, I'm not worried about that, not in the slightest.

Of course, he might. There's always that risk, and I think it's worth the risk. Nothing worth having has ever come without some risk.

Fvck it, my ex-husband destroyed me and ripped out my heart and soul and tore them to shreds. And I survived. I'm better. I'm stronger. I'm fvcking kintsugi. After that, I can take anything. Bring it on.


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> It made u happy? Heh for me it would made it awkward!


 Um, lol Yea, I see how it could seem that way. But, he has been a good friend, and it was surprising to know he has feelings. 



> Ne way I agree with you, I can compromise on the sex but miss pony has to compromise on trying to bulge into my daughters life
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Yes, there has to be compromise for you both, otherwise...you'll just end up resentful, and it won't work out again. Maybe no pressure of any kind this time around, should there be another time around. Like just hang out, and keep it light, and if things progress naturally, then assess the situation. I think we all are guilty at times of being over zealous when there's chemistry with someone, and relationships take more than chemistry to make them work, as I've found out a few times. lol 



tripad said:


> Hmmmm
> 
> Yes I think I need the alpha man .
> 
> I cant imagine being with a man where I need to take the lead . Not ever again .
> 
> But I think at my age with kids , many may assume I have a husband . So the trick is to how I am single but not desperate , which I am not btw .


I've only dated alpha types in my life, and there are varying types of alphas. But, I like men who are direct...assertive, and take the lead. That (to me) is very masculine and attractive. If this is what you desire, don't settle for someone who lacks those very fundamental qualities. The right alpha will come along. 

Well, update for me. My ex fiance texted me today that he feels we should go no contact. He said that he thought we could be friends, but he thinks it might be best if we're not. Okay. Then, my friend who told me he has feelings for me, would like to go to dinner this week. 

It's weird because up until now, I didn't know he had feelings for me. So, does this change the friendship now? Is it wrong to go out to dinner with a friend whom you know has feelings, just a week after you break off your engagement? 

I talked about this with a friend, and she said...''you can't worry about what others think. Life goes on....''

It's only Monday! lol


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## bkyln309

spinsterdurga said:


> @*Deidre* are you over your ex fiancé? I like to wait at least a month before dating. It depends on whether you think you're over him or not. I'd wait but that's just me


She wont be over her ex in a month either. There is not a reason to wait around.

Go out to dinner and have fun. There is no pressure for the date to be heavy.


----------



## bkyln309

RandomDude said:


> It made u happy? Heh for me it would made it awkward!
> 
> Ne way I agree with you, I can compromise on the sex but miss pony has to compromise on trying to bulge into my daughters life
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Please do not tell me you are going back to Miss Pony. She is a train wreck. And compromising on sex NEVER works. 

Dude, you have issues.


----------



## ne9907

It is my birthday!!!

Co workers brought me a cake and sang Happy Birthday :0
Dinner tonight~

Oh and I officially got the job... Will be moving to a new area and getting my own place! Finally


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Happy birthday, and congrats!!


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> It is my birthday!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Co workers brought me a cake and sang Happy Birthday :0
> 
> Dinner tonight~
> 
> 
> 
> Oh and I officially got the job... Will be moving to a new area and getting my own place! Finally




Oh, that is amazing news! Congratulations!

And happy, happy birthday!


~Just breathe.


----------



## *Deidre*

spinsterdurga said:


> @*Deidre* are you over your ex fiancé? I like to wait at least a month before dating. It depends on whether you think you're over him or not. I'd wait but that's just me


It's not so much about getting over him, as much as getting past losing the future that we had talked a lot about. Some background on this, he and I dated and broke up a few years ago, because he was new to his job and was quickly promoted and offered a position overseas. I didn't want to move overseas for someone I wasn't engaged to, etc. So, we broke up. He came back to the states, last fall and we ended up talking. And we got caught up in those old feelings, but I wasn't that same person I was when he dated me a few years back. We both grew. And that is why I think it ended, because it probably was a relationship built on chemistry and old feelings, and getting caught up in wedding plans. So, in a way, looking at this objectively...I'm not as emotionally distraught as I thought I'd be. Which is good.  Thanks for your opinion on this.



bkyln309 said:


> She wont be over her ex in a month either. There is not a reason to wait around.
> 
> Go out to dinner and have fun. There is no pressure for the date to be heavy.


 Agree with this, yea...I plan to go to dinner with him. Keep it light. 



ne9907 said:


> It is my birthday!!!
> 
> Co workers brought me a cake and sang Happy Birthday :0
> Dinner tonight~
> 
> Oh and I officially got the job... Will be moving to a new area and getting my own place! Finally


Happy birthday to you, and big congrats!!


----------



## RandomDude

So busy that dunno why I'm going for a date, best case scenario I'll probably show up an hour late, miss pony is the lady that I'm going to see for tea, breaking my heart is what she's going to do for me!

*sings*

Must... avoid... friend zone...


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> So busy that dunno why I'm going for a date, best case scenario I'll probably show up an hour late, miss pony is the lady that I'm going to see for tea, breaking my heart is what she's going to do for me!
> 
> *sings*
> 
> Must... avoid... friend zone...




back with Miss Pony? do tell us how it goes!


----------



## RandomDude

Unfortunately... no, not yet. I could tell she's cautious now. She said she never thought she would see me again. Taking it slow for now, honestly I don't know what to do but to go at her pace.


----------



## *Deidre*

I just realized that this section is ''life after divorce.'' Hope it's okay I'm posting here, considering I've never been married.

Well, my friend _may_ turn out to be more than a friend. He is really such an awesome guy in many ways. I always knew that, on a friend level, but since he told me his feelings, there are parts of him I never took notice of, before. Like how good looking he really is, or how his smile is so engaging. Part of me feels like the past seven months of being engaged was just a dream or something. It's not a struggle, I have no desire to call my ex or see him. It's really over. People keep asking me about him...it's like they are more heart broken than me.

Hope you are all having a nice week so far.


----------



## tripad

Hey guys 

I finally found someone who is a real person looking for a relationship , not a scam nor a sex seeker .

Had a real phone call from him , sounded nervous , but i couldnt talk so only had a text conversation .

Still wary incase it's a love scam . Love you and then scam your money . 

He arranged a time that i am free to call tonight . I like that . He didn't assume i am so free and was respectful of my time .


----------



## RandomDude

FINALLY Tripad! *FINALLY!* So where you meet him?

@*Deidre*

Oh? Danger!


----------



## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> I just realized that this section is ''life after divorce.'' Hope it's okay I'm posting here, considering I've never been married.
> 
> Well, my friend _may_ turn out to be more than a friend. He is really such an awesome guy in many ways. I always knew that, on a friend level, but since he told me his feelings, there are parts of him I never took notice of, before. Like how good looking he really is, or how his smile is so engaging. Part of me feels like the past seven months of being engaged was just a dream or something. It's not a struggle, I have no desire to call my ex or see him. It's really over. People keep asking me about him...it's like they are more heart broken than me.
> 
> Hope you are all having a nice week so far.


Well, I don't think that anyone is going to run you out of town for that, but you need to understand that the mindset for someone dating after divorce is going to be very different from that of someone who has never been married. We tend to have a LOT more baggage.

For example, I'm giving Real Estate a LOT more leeway because of the circumstances of his divorce. If he had never been divorced--or if it had happened differently (in other words. If he was carrying a different set of luggage)--I would be telling him, "Dude, it's time to sh*t or get off the pot."

Take that into consideration before you respond to any of our posts, and when you read OUR responses to your posts.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> FINALLY Tripad! *FINALLY!* So where you meet him?


Was bored . Loaded ******* account . He texted shortly . Many other perverts looking for affairs text too . Some young boys 15-20 years younger text too , LOL . I replied to this one . He so far looks like someone i can have a conversation with n physically , someone i will be attracted to . Still 7 years younger , divorced no kids . 

Yup dont think i can click with totally single guys , different mindset . 

one told me to go on wechat n i ask him to go on line chat and he told me nonsense n i said goodbye . In the first place , i was already compromising n trying to accept his slightly lower standard in the looks department . Lol


----------



## tripad

Could still be a love scam


----------



## Bananapeel

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I don't think that anyone is going to run you out of town for that, but you need to understand that the mindset for someone dating after divorce is going to be very different from that of someone who has never been married. We tend to have a LOT more baggage.
> 
> For example, I'm giving Real Estate a LOT more leeway because of the circumstances of his divorce. If he had never been divorced--or if it had happened differently (in other words. If he was carrying a different set of luggage)--I would be telling him, "Dude, it's time to sh*t or get off the pot."
> 
> Take that into consideration before you respond to any of our posts, and when you read OUR responses to your posts.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I think this is a common perception but I wonder if baggage is just normal life experience. I've wondered if I'd be in the same place or different place if I was never married but still the same age and had other non-marriage relationships during that time. It seems that when every relationship ends you learn something about yourself and adjust your life a little bit. 

I do appreciate women like you that are willing to give some leeway. I've been casually dating someone who wants us to meet each other's kids and I keep telling her no. I wonder how long her patience will last until I get the ultimatum? I'm guessing that there is a direct link between the level of commitment/security a woman feels and the amount of patience she has. Less commitment = less security about relationship = less likely to have an ultimatum??


----------



## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> Well, I don't think that anyone is going to run you out of town for that, but you need to understand that the mindset for someone dating after divorce is going to be very different from that of someone who has never been married. We tend to have a LOT more baggage.
> 
> For example, I'm giving Real Estate a LOT more leeway because of the circumstances of his divorce. If he had never been divorced--or if it had happened differently (in other words. If he was carrying a different set of luggage)--I would be telling him, "Dude, it's time to sh*t or get off the pot."
> 
> Take that into consideration before you respond to any of our posts, and when you read OUR responses to your posts.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


This was helpful, thank you! 



Bananapeel said:


> I think this is a common perception but I wonder if baggage is just normal life experience. I've wondered if I'd be in the same place or different place if I was never married but still the same age and had other non-marriage relationships during that time. It seems that when every relationship ends you learn something about yourself and adjust your life a little bit.
> 
> I do appreciate women like you that are willing to give some leeway. I've been casually dating someone who wants us to meet each other's kids and I keep telling her no. I wonder how long her patience will last until I get the ultimatum? I'm guessing that there is a direct link between the level of commitment/security a woman feels and the amount of patience she has. Less commitment = less security about relationship = less likely to have an ultimatum??


If you're dating someone casually, she shouldn't be pushing your kids to meet. If she continues pushing, and you're unsure, that'd be a red flag to me.


----------



## tripad

tripad said:


> Could still be a love scam


Scam alert 

Smell a rat


----------



## *Deidre*

tripad said:


> Scam alert
> 
> Smell a rat


Why are you saying this, did he do or say something to give you the impression that it's a scam?


----------



## RandomDude

Details!


----------



## GuyInColorado

My Divorce is final tomorrow morning! Agreed on the last details last night, so don't have to show up at court. Judge should be signing it tomorrow morning. Woot woot!


----------



## *Deidre*

GuyInColorado said:


> My Divorce is final tomorrow morning! Agreed on the last details last night, so don't have to show up at court. Judge should be signing it tomorrow morning. Woot woot!


Congrats!


----------



## *Deidre*

So, I went to my friend's house for dinner last night, and it was so awesome. Interestingly, him sharing his feelings with me has been such a great thing. He is a police officer, which goes against my dating code. lol I have always stayed away from dating cops, as I've heard they can be bossy, but he seems to be a different type, as a whole. I've always thought he is super hot , but when you're friends with a guy, you view them differently, Idk. He is so kind and I'm not going to rush anything, just enjoying something new. I should never have become engaged, looking back at the last 6 months, and while my ex fiance is an incredible guy, we seemed to be more infatuated with one another, than compatible. If that makes sense. You can have great chemistry with someone but if your worldviews collide, then it won't work. We have severed contact at his request, so not sure what's going on with him. I've asked my friends not to update me, as I want to move forward. As does he.

Anyway, happy Friday and just wanted to update you guys.


----------



## FeministInPink

Wow, it's a ghost town around here.

Things are going well with Real Estate. We're going to a kinky camp retreat for 4 days next weekend. He's taking charge of the planning, which is really nice. (My XH couldn't be bothered to plan a night out, let alone a long weekend out-of-town.) And it sounds like he's putting a lot of thought into it.

Otherwise, we haven't been able to see as much of each other lately, because of his work schedule. It's been a little hard for me, only because I have some anxiety over abandonment issues, but he's been transparent and up front, and he's shown me I have nothing to worry about. 


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Details!





*Deidre* said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Scam alert
> 
> Smell a rat
> 
> 
> 
> Why are you saying this, did he do or say something to give you the impression that it's a scam?
Click to expand...


Ok . Been busy with work n kids .

Details . 

Firstly , he texted me on ******* to say he's new n asked me how's is it . I mentioned nothing really happened other than weird personalities mostly . He then said that he's happy to just only communicate with me via skype .

Point 1 - seems too simple to settle for text with me only ? 

I skype him and noticed his skype pofile mentioned he's from spain but his ******* profile said singapore .

After many texts , he mentioned he's from uk and had singaporean dad . 

Then he edited profile.

Point 2 - why spain in Skype profile ? 

He asked to know about my family which i dont elaborate much , especially to a stranger . This is for my financial n emotional security .

Point 3 - as usual with most scammers , he has a tragic life story . Both parents die in car crash n he's all alone in the world sonce he's the only son . Maybe scammers try to evoke the maternal , protective, sympathetic instinct in women . 

He makes appt to call at a certain time but sometimes doesnt . 

Point 4 - not reliable. N like scammers , they try to bring your hopes up n then slam you to the floor with disappointments . So they prime you for dependence on him to stay happy n feel grateful when the call actually comes in . That's when they have control over your emotions . Then they can ask for money . N they get upset with you if you dont , just like how they bring you up and down the emotional roller coaster wrt the phone calls . They prepared you to do things to make them happy so they can show you love . I have learnt well after my ex n after much reading up after the divorce .

Then i suggest to meet up for quick coffee so that i know the text n voice match the pic . But he's always busy n cant . 

Point 5 - for someone so keen to settle wth only me to communicare , he's not keen to meet for coffee . Doesnt gel . Scammers dont meet .


----------



## tripad

Point 6 - as with scammers , they said they are not residing in my country but setting up biz n travel often . Very elusive . 

Well i will just text n reply as it comes and see where the game is heading . There's no emotional attachment over a few text for me , even if he declares his undying love . That is what a divorve does to your emotions , a little cold n hardened .


----------



## tripad

Fip

Great that you are enjoying yourself


----------



## introvert

tripad said:


> Scam alert
> 
> Smell a rat


I'm pretty new here, so forgive my ignorance of your past situation. Have you fallen for scams before? 

No halfway decent person would ask for money...


----------



## introvert

tripad said:


> Ok . Been busy with work n kids .
> 
> Details .
> 
> Firstly , he texted me on ******* to say he's new n asked me how's is it . I mentioned nothing really happened other than weird personalities mostly . He then said that he's happy to just only communicate with me via skype .
> 
> Point 1 - seems too simple to settle for text with me only ?
> 
> I skype him and noticed his skype pofile mentioned he's from spain but his ******* profile said singapore .
> 
> After many texts , he mentioned he's from uk and had singaporean dad .
> 
> Then he edited profile.
> 
> Point 2 - why spain in Skype profile ?
> 
> He asked to know about my family which i dont elaborate much , especially to a stranger . This is for my financial n emotional security .
> 
> Point 3 - as usual with most scammers , he has a tragic life story . Both parents die in car crash n he's all alone in the world sonce he's the only son . Maybe scammers try to evoke the maternal , protective, sympathetic instinct in women .
> 
> He makes appt to call at a certain time but sometimes doesnt .
> 
> Point 4 - not reliable. N like scammers , they try to bring your hopes up n then slam you to the floor with disappointments . So they prime you for dependence on him to stay happy n feel grateful when the call actually comes in . That's when they have control over your emotions . Then they can ask for money . N they get upset with you if you dont , just like how they bring you up and down the emotional roller coaster wrt the phone calls . They prepared you to do things to make them happy so they can show you love . I have learnt well after my ex n after much reading up after the divorce .
> 
> Then i suggest to meet up for quick coffee so that i know the text n voice match the pic . But he's always busy n cant .
> 
> Point 5 - for someone so keen to settle wth only me to communicare , he's not keen to meet for coffee . Doesnt gel . Scammers dont meet .


X post.

I am terrified of online dating- this only seals the deal for me.


----------



## tripad

introvert said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Scam alert
> 
> Smell a rat
> 
> 
> 
> I'm pretty new here, so forgive my ignorance of your past situation. Have you fallen for scams before?
> 
> No halfway decent person would ask for money...
Click to expand...

My ex is not great n his family exploited me financially . 

Online , Many tried . 

None got a cent from me . 

One was hinting he needs a room in initial text messages saying his gf didnt give him a room so he broke up with her ? horror of horrors ?

Incase you wonder , no i didnt brag nor mention my financial status other than i do have a job .


----------



## tripad

Introvert

What does x post mean ?

N yes there are a lot of people asking for money shamelessly .


----------



## introvert

My ex and I have been split for a year, our divorce was finalized two months ago.

I have a friend visiting this coming weekend. We've never met face to face. I met her on a forum like this one, only it's a lot less busy than this one, with little moderation, so I left. Before I left, I got her email addy and we kept up a connection.

All of our communication has been platonic, but my friends are razzing me like crazy about her visit and I have noticed that both she and I are getting pretty jazzed about her visit. 

I guess we'll see. She's nothing like ex Mrs. Introvert, but that's probably a good thing. At least I'll have someone to hike with this weekend, and that's fantastic!


----------



## introvert

tripad said:


> Introvert
> 
> What does x post mean ?
> 
> N yes there are a lot of people asking for money shamelessly .


X post means "cross post"...while you were posting, I was posting.


----------



## ne9907

Apartment hunting is exhausting.....

I haven't been able to sleep well for the past three days because my brain will NOT shut off!!

My brain decides to "shop" for a bedroom set, a dining table, a coffee table, a TV (smart?), linen, shower curtain, OMG....on and on and on... oh and of course, my brain MUST make sure everything matches!!

That, and my new job! I toured the new facility on Monday and getting it ready for the students will be A LOT of work. Nothing is set up. We (assistant and myself) will have to order EVERYTHING!! Then set up, then coordinate with proper authorities to get things in.... MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried meditation, but must not be doing it right....

Oh, still single~

However, there was a guy I had sex with back in February (he became my fvck buddy for about 2 months) ended in April. Anyway, he USED to be friends with me on FB. But when I ended the FB relationship, I disbanded him from FB.

On Sunday, I could not sleep, so I facebook stalked him... I found he has been dating a particular woman for a while. She tags him on many activities they do together. He and this woman were facebook friends when (him and I) were having sex. 
On Sunday night, I texted him "Hi, It is Ne, wanna have sex?

He reply with YES, then gave me a list of his schedule.... I did not want to have sex. I was egotistical and mainly wanted to see if he would want to fvck me, while dating this other woman....

That kind of behavior is a failing I have. I need to be humble, and not sh!t test myself. I should not care if he is dating someone else and still wants to have sex with me. I also wanted to test him and he failed 

I have not texted him back and will NOT. 

My ego needed stroking, my ego needs to be put to sleep a little....


----------



## anewstart60

On Sunday night, I texted him "Hi, It is Ne, wanna have sex?

He reply with YES, then gave me a list of his schedule.... I did not want to have sex. I was egotistical and mainly wanted to see if he would want to fvck me, while dating this other woman....

That kind of behavior is a failing I have. I need to be humble, and not sh!t test myself. I should not care if he is dating someone else and still wants to have sex with me. I also wanted to test him and he failed

I have not texted him back and will NOT.

My ego needed stroking, my ego needs to be put to sleep a little.... 


That's kinda Fvcked up!


----------



## Bananapeel

How did he fail? He might not be in an exclusive or committed relationship with this woman even though they are dating.


----------



## ne9907

anewstart60 said:


> That's kinda Fvcked up!





Bananapeel said:


> How did he fail? He might not be in an exclusive or committed relationship with this woman even though they are dating.


It is very fvcked up!!!

It is a HUGE flaw in my character....

He should only focus on dating a single woman at the time. I don't know. It is been since April... I act recklessly sometimes.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> It is very fvcked up!!!
> 
> It is a HUGE flaw in my character....
> 
> He should only focus on dating a single woman at the time. I don't know. It is been since April... I act recklessly sometimes.


You don't get to dictate how someone else behaves. No one does.

Why do you care so much?


----------



## RandomDude

So... whos alive after the password reset debacle?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> So... whos alive after the password reset debacle?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, what the hell was that?? What a pain!


----------



## RandomDude

Heh I wonder how long itll take for people to get back in!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> You don't get to dictate how someone else behaves. No one does.
> 
> Why do you care so much?


I don't know. Ego needed boosting. Big flaw in my character. 



RandomDude said:


> So... whos alive after the password reset debacle?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I survived (obviously).... such a pain


----------



## introvert

RandomDude said:


> Heh I wonder how long itll take for people to get back in!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Geez louise! What a royal pain in the a$$!


----------



## *Deidre*

I just got back in tonight. ^_^

In dating news, I'm slowly dating my 'friend.' We are more than friends but he's not a boyfriend...but he could be. How could I have not seen such potential when we were friends for a while? Maybe when you're friends with someone, you don't see them in a romantic way? Idk. But, he listens to me. Like really listens. And he's really hot. lol Maybe that is all a guy needs to be in a relationship...hot and a good listener?  lol

He's a police officer though, kind of goes against my dating 'code.' Never really thought I'd get involved with a cop, I've heard a lot of bad stories about getting into relationships with cops, but he seems different.

Anyway, everyone in my life has accepted I'm not getting married this year. But, I do want to get married, so if nothing else, being engaged helped me see that. 

Hope everyone here is doing awesome


----------



## GuyInColorado

I'm alive. Divorce was finalized last Friday, so 6 days as officially being divorced. Going to take me a year to recover financially, but no different than the past 6 months!

Having some issues with the current G/F over how I handled my divorce and contact with ex wife and ex MIL. For example, my ex MIL tagged my profile pic on FB with "wh0re who dates married men" "shame on you". MIL isn't a friend on FB, so I was the only person that saw the comments. I had a meeting with MIL last week to discuss things because I asked her to watch my kids while I did a work function. Her FB comments didn't come up and I didn't bring them up. I always got along great with my MIL, so I saw no reason to have her out of my life 100%. I think it benefits my kids to still have a line of communication with one of their grandmothers. GF doesn't think I stood up for her and the rest went downhill. Just don't see why everything needs to involve drama. Perhaps me wanting to get along and have no enemies is a flaw of mine.


----------



## *Deidre*

Probably why a lot of ''experts'' suggest waiting a while before getting serious with someone new, after a divorce.  I wouldn't date someone who wasn't divorced. People do talk, that's not a reflection on you and your gf, but people think what they think...

I think that you just need to take each day at a time, and honestly, if your new gf stresses you out, you might want to just be single for a while, or just take a step back. You've been through a lot, and too much stress can be really unhealthy. Just take care of yourself.


----------



## GuyInColorado

I made the mistake of telling her all the details of my divorce. I thought she would want to know. But going forward, I have no desire to tell her things that might upset her or start a fight. That isn't healthy. I'll see how things go in the next few days. But I'm OK with losing her now. I'd take a break from getting into anything serious and just have fun. I'm not going to stress out over it, not worth it!

Felt good venting!


----------



## RandomDude

*Deidre* said:


> I just got back in tonight. ^_^
> 
> In dating news, I'm slowly dating my 'friend.' We are more than friends but he's not a boyfriend...but he could be. How could I have not seen such potential when we were friends for a while? Maybe when you're friends with someone, you don't see them in a romantic way? Idk. But, he listens to me. Like really listens. And he's really hot. lol Maybe that is all a guy needs to be in a relationship...hot and a good listener?  lol
> 
> He's a police officer though, kind of goes against my dating 'code.' Never really thought I'd get involved with a cop, I've heard a lot of bad stories about getting into relationships with cops, but he seems different.
> 
> Anyway, everyone in my life has accepted I'm not getting married this year. But, I do want to get married, so if nothing else, being engaged helped me see that.
> 
> Hope everyone here is doing awesome


Heh and guys r normally encouraged to avoid the friend zone lol... in other cultures friend zone is a normal part of dating.

Im friend zoned still with miss pony... I think... I dunno where we stand really, we r chatting every day again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> Heh and guys r normally encouraged to avoid the friend zone lol... in other cultures friend zone is a normal part of dating.
> 
> Im friend zoned still with miss pony... I think... I dunno where we stand really, we r chatting every day again
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Think ''friend zone'' is just bad phrasing, to be honest. Friend zone typically means when a woman is using a guy, and she'll 'friend zone' him, and he just stays there, accepting it. He and I have been true friends, well...he had feelings, who knew. lol

I'm thinking ''miss pony'' has some issues that she hasn't shared with you. I can relate a little to her in that she seems like she keeps people at an arm's length, even romantic interests. If you don't mind climbing the fortress she's built around herself (for possibly good reasons) then you might get out of the friend zone. Not suggesting you do way more than her, but...just saying. She seems guarded for a reason. Maybe try to work on getting her to open up to you.


----------



## *Deidre*

GuyInColorado said:


> I made the mistake of telling her all the details of my divorce. I thought she would want to know. But going forward, I have no desire to tell her things that might upset her or start a fight. That isn't healthy. I'll see how things go in the next few days. But I'm OK with losing her now. I'd take a break from getting into anything serious and just have fun. I'm not going to stress out over it, not worth it!
> 
> Felt good venting!


I think you did the right thing, who knew she'd take some things to heart? You know? I tend to not date guys who are divorced, as I've seen so many situations where the ex is never quite fully out of the picture, and if kids are present, then she'll never be out of the picture. I have a lot of rules with dating, lol 

I wish you luck with your gf, sounds like you know what to do.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I don't know. Ego needed boosting. Big flaw in my character.


Something you need to work on, Ne. One thing I've noticed about you over the time that I've engaged with you on TAM. You suffer from low self-esteem, and it seems to me that you derive all your self-value from the attention of men. And because you value yourself so little, you accept sh!tty treatment from guys that are losers, because subconsciously you think you don't deserve any better.

To compensate for your low self-esteem, you have a tendency to brag and show off a little bit. (I don't mean to say this in an attacking way, and please don't take it as such. Anything I say here is said with nothing but love and affection.) You're trying to prove to yourself--and to other people--that you do have value. A kind of "fake it till you make it" mentality, so to speak. But the problem is that it doesn't really work, because even in this manner, you're still seeking validation from other people.

If you don't work on that and fix that, you'll never by happy, Ne. And you deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. (Ok, with a few exceptions. People like Brock Turner don't deserve to be happy.) YOU deserve to be happy. But that happiness doesn't come from outside of you, Ne. You have to find your happiness and your self-worth inside you. 

*hugs*


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Something you need to work on, Ne. One thing I've noticed about you over the time that I've engaged with you on TAM. You suffer from low self-esteem, and it seems to me that you derive all your self-value from the attention of men. And because you value yourself so little, you accept sh!tty treatment from guys that are losers, because subconsciously you think you don't deserve any better.
> 
> To compensate for your low self-esteem, you have a tendency to brag and show off a little bit. (I don't mean to say this in an attacking way, and please don't take it as such. Anything I say here is said with nothing but love and affection.) You're trying to prove to yourself--and to other people--that you do have value. A kind of "fake it till you make it" mentality, so to speak. But the problem is that it doesn't really work, because even in this manner, you're still seeking validation from other people.
> 
> If you don't work on that and fix that, you'll never by happy, Ne. And you deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. (Ok, with a few exceptions. People like Brock Turner don't deserve to be happy.) YOU deserve to be happy. But that happiness doesn't come from outside of you, Ne. You have to find your happiness and your self-worth inside you.
> 
> *hugs*


aw, I love this. You are so brilliant! Yes. I do have extremely low self esteem and yes I do believe I do not deserve love or to be happy... Perhaps I should have said DID believe... 
I am still evolving, loving myself little by little.... Hopefully I will be happy.
Still NOT dating nor seeing anyone


----------



## 3Xnocharm

GuyInColorado said:


> I'm alive. Divorce was finalized last Friday, so 6 days as officially being divorced. Going to take me a year to recover financially, but no different than the past 6 months!
> 
> Having some issues with the current G/F over how I handled my divorce and contact with ex wife and ex MIL. For example, my ex MIL tagged my profile pic on FB with "wh0re who dates married men" "shame on you". MIL isn't a friend on FB, so I was the only person that saw the comments. I had a meeting with MIL last week to discuss things because I asked her to watch my kids while I did a work function. Her FB comments didn't come up and I didn't bring them up. I always got along great with my MIL, so I saw no reason to have her out of my life 100%. I think it benefits my kids to still have a line of communication with one of their grandmothers. GF doesn't think I stood up for her and the rest went downhill. Just don't see why everything needs to involve drama. Perhaps me wanting to get along and have no enemies is a flaw of mine.


I don't blame the GF for getting pissed at this! Keeping communication open with your ex MIL doesn't mean you allow her to be a b!tch! You should block your MIL from your page and learn to stand up for yourself and your GF!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

GuyInColorado said:


> I made the mistake of telling her all the details of my divorce. I thought she would want to know. But going forward, I have no desire to tell her things that might upset her or start a fight. That isn't healthy. I'll see how things go in the next few days. But I'm OK with losing her now. I'd take a break from getting into anything serious and just have fun. I'm not going to stress out over it, not worth it!
> 
> Felt good venting!


You cannot have a healthy relationship if you choose to hide things and not be open. With this woman or any other one.


----------



## *Deidre*

3Xnocharm said:


> You cannot have a healthy relationship if you choose to hide things and not be open. With this woman or any other one.


This is why though, it's probably best to wait a bit after you're completely divorced before you get too serious with someone. I think that the stress from a divorce is so high, and while people might be checked out and over the person, experts suggest waiting even a year or two, before getting serious with someone new, because there are so many emotions that go into a regular break up, let alone a divorce. I understand why she was upset (the gf) but...she shouldn't have been dating a married guy to begin with. And the marriage was probably 'over' a long time ago, but until it's officially and legally over, it's not actually over. So, the person is ''technically'' dating a married person. That's just my thoughts. 

There's no rush to get involved with someone who isn't yet divorced, IMO. People tend to complicate their lives more than they need do. No disrespect intended to those involved - but the gf in this scenario has nothing to do with his divorce, and shouldn't have a 'say' in it, and shouldn't want to be involved with hearing details. But, when you rush into a relationship, it tends to create these false expectations and hopes.


----------



## RandomDude

*Deidre* said:


> Think ''friend zone'' is just bad phrasing, to be honest. Friend zone typically means when a woman is using a guy, and she'll 'friend zone' him, and he just stays there, accepting it. He and I have been true friends, well...he had feelings, who knew. lol
> 
> I'm thinking ''miss pony'' has some issues that she hasn't shared with you. I can relate a little to her in that she seems like she keeps people at an arm's length, even romantic interests. If you don't mind climbing the fortress she's built around herself (for possibly good reasons) then you might get out of the friend zone. Not suggesting you do way more than her, but...just saying. She seems guarded for a reason. Maybe try to work on getting her to open up to you.


Well I did dump her months ago so... heh

Shes understandably cautious now, but we r still in good spirits it seems as we r chatting n hanging out again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> Well I did dump her months ago so... heh
> 
> Shes understandably cautious now, but we r still in good spirits it seems as we r chatting n hanging out again
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you both really care for each other, otherwise you wouldn't be hanging out again. So, I'm hoping that things work out for you both.


----------



## RandomDude

Dunno about care but we get along well, I remain attracted to her so its hard to see her as just friends. We r casually flirting again but only still just friends  for now...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## David1967

I've been happy divorced from my evil,cheating Ex for two years. I'm currently taking it easy and looking for the next special person in my life. I'm still very bitter for the five bad years that i spent with my Ex even though i wasn't sad when she told me to get the hell out. I lived in her home but now i live in a different state. I didn't find out my Ex had gotten the divorce and then remarried until i looked on her facebook page. We didn't see each other or talk the two years we were apart and she didn't know where i moved to. I was so bitter and angry that i never returned her calls or answered her e-mails. I think she filed for divorce by abandonment and got it that way thank goodness we couldn't have children.


----------



## RandomDude

Thinking really, about how different miss pony is compared with other women Ive dated, like I understand everyone has different standards/expectations, but it just... feels better to spend on someone who appreciates it, rather than expects it. I guess the two can go hand in hand but expectation tends to pollute the sense of appreciation. With ex-wife during our happy years, I just wanted to give, and when I was out of things to give I wanted to find ways to give more. Now I feel the same way when I'm out with miss pony. With ex-gf, it felt completely different, like I was giving as it was expected of me.

Guess the same can be applied to expectations with sex no? Like, guess it feels alot better to give yourself to someone else when you feel ready without them expecting you to just put out.


----------



## *Deidre*

David1967 said:


> I've been happy divorced from my evil,cheating Ex for two years. I'm currently taking it easy and looking for the next special person in my life. I'm still very bitter for the five bad years that i spent with my Ex even though i wasn't sad when she told me to get the hell out. I lived in her home but now i live in a different state. I didn't find out my Ex had gotten the divorce and then remarried until i looked on her facebook page. We didn't see each other or talk the two years we were apart and she didn't know where i moved to. I was so bitter and angry that i never returned her calls or answered her e-mails. I think she filed for divorce by abandonment and got it that way thank goodness we couldn't have children.


Welcome to the forums, and glad you are in a happier place, now. 
@RandomDude - that's awesome, I hope you both continue to enjoy each other!


----------



## GuyInColorado

David1967 said:


> I've been happy divorced from my evil,cheating Ex for two years. I'm currently taking it easy and looking for the next special person in my life. I'm still very bitter for the five bad years that i spent with my Ex even though i wasn't sad when she told me to get the hell out. I lived in her home but now i live in a different state. I didn't find out my Ex had gotten the divorce and then remarried until i looked on her facebook page. We didn't see each other or talk the two years we were apart and she didn't know where i moved to. I was so bitter and angry that i never returned her calls or answered her e-mails. I think she filed for divorce by abandonment and got it that way thank goodness we couldn't have children.


Damn, you definitely got lucky with no kids. My divorce only sucked because of the kids. But they were worth it, so my crappy marriage was definitely bittersweet. 

You found a good site to ask questions, get advice, or just vent. Welcome!

Oh, have you heard Blake Shelton's new single, She's Got a Way With Words? Haha, describes a lot of us here!


----------



## ne9907

I got an apartment!!!! I am excited but apprehensive.

Yesterday was the last time I saw my therapist, I will be moving 3 hours away so continuing seeing her is out of the question....

My life is extremely stressful atm, but I have also gained insights. I have been divorced almost 2 years, left OK almost 3 years (Aug will mark 3 years)

I am definitely not healed, but I am so much better than I was a while ago. I have come to the realization that I never wanted a relationship with the men I "dated" except for the last boyfriend. I really worked hard to be in a relationship with him, did not work out, I am okay....

Gosh... I feel as if my life is just starting new...


----------



## AngelHeart888

I'm single. 
I don't regret my divorce, but I do miss married life.
I don't miss the EX, or being married to the EX. But married life suited me, and I do miss being in a secure, monogamous relationship.


----------



## RandomDude

Looks like I'm in the permanent friend zone with miss pony, guess it was too much to hope for that we could pick up where we left off when we stopped dating.

Was about to throw my hands up and give up then this matchmaker agency called. They said that I'm apparently the type of person they want in their database and have alot of potentials lined up for me, I turned them down before but now they are willing to negotiate the contract.

Thinking might as well, even if my mind wants celibacy it's difficult to convince the heart. However even by spending thousands on professionals and outsourcing my love life doesn't work, then that would convince the heart it's all over for me. Going to sign up next week.

Shame though... I really like miss pony


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. Sorry I have been MIA. I moved and sold my existing home. And now I am working on my resume. After 10 years at the same job, I am ready to move on to something else. Still dating the older man but I think the writing is on the wall and it probably will be friend zoned in the next few weeks. 

Nothing else to report.


----------



## Wolf1974

To all the recent divorced just want to add how things can be years out. About the hit my 6 year divorced mark. My X left when my baby was one and we are celebrating her 7th birthday next week. Can't believe it's been that long. 

Although through the floor devastated I have become a really good father, got my finances in order and actually doing well toward my goal or early retirement. Just sold our home we raised our kids in an bought a great house in a great neighborhood my kiddos love. Finally I got my career back on track and have a GF who lives with me. Life is good now but was a struggle at times. My best advice is figure out what you are, what makes you happy, get a plan together how you'll get it then go do it. 

Life can and likely will be great again just have to go get it


----------



## hope4family

Wolf1974 said:


> To all the recent divorced just want to add how things can be years out. About the hit my 6 year divorced mark. My X left when my baby was one and we are celebrating her 7th birthday next week. Can't believe it's been that long.
> 
> Although through the floor devastated I have become a really good father, got my finances in order and actually doing well toward my goal or early retirement. Just sold our home we raised our kids in an bought a great house in a great neighborhood my kiddos love. Finally I got my career back on track and have a GF who lives with me. Life is good now but was a struggle at times. My best advice is figure out what you are, what makes you happy, get a plan together how you'll get it then go do it.
> 
> Life can and likely will be great again just have to go get it


Could have wrote this myself. It seems to be getting better.


----------



## ne9907

I, for the first time EVER, have my own place 
It's a one bedroom apartment. Furniture was delivered today, I decorated it all today and then I binged on Orange is the New Black...

I've been here since Monday, slept on the floor for the last couple of night because I didn't have a bed (delivered today), and had ugly nightmares. 

This is my safe place maybe that is why I had nightmares?? An evil
Spirit was trying to get me...

Anyway it is bitter sweet because I love the way my place looks yet can't help to feel a bit lonely. 

My apartment complex is rather small, only 12 units, today I went out and had wine with some residents. Pretty much all the residents are way older than me, retired and older. I enjoyed the afternoon with them though
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> This is my safe place maybe that is why I had nightmares?? An evil
> Spirit was trying to get me...
> 
> Anyway it is bitter sweet because I love the way my place looks yet can't help to feel a bit lonely.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get a cat - they scare evil spirits away 










They also generate laughs with stuff like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1XlhSjbgWI


----------



## ne9907

I am
Definitely getting a cat! I love cats ❤❤❤❤
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## *Deidre*

So, my ex fiance texted me after saying he didn't want any contact. He asked me what I'm doing for the 4th, and I haven't replied yet. I actually am enjoying the guy I've been seeing, now, the one who was a friend and became more. We talked about not seeing others, and I'm just surprised that my ex fiance reached out at all. I miss him in some ways, he and I cared about each other a lot, but it wouldn't be fair to the new guy I'm seeing, if I start chatting my ex fiance up. Idk. Anyways, have a great 4th of July weekend everyone!


----------



## RandomDude

So guys, miss pony doesn't seem to be in a rush of promoting me from my friend zone status, however, I met someone else... an incredible natural beauty who ticks ALL boxes except... language... and that she's only the country for a while before planning to move back >.<

GAAAAAAAH! Damn my luck... like seriously WTF


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> So guys, miss pony doesn't seem to be in a rush of promoting me from my friend zone status, however, I met someone else... an incredible natural beauty who ticks ALL boxes except... language... and that she's only the country for a while before planning to move back >.<
> 
> GAAAAAAAH! Damn my luck... like seriously WTF


Sounds perfect  

Giggity Giggity


----------



## RandomDude

foolscotton3 said:


> Sounds perfect
> 
> Giggity Giggity


Well I have to admit... im infactuated by her, shes an independent woman, everytime she smiles and looks at me I get butterflies. Sometimes we have to repeat ourselves cause of language barrier... but I dunno.

If its long distance though... its tough, may end up spending n extra 3k a month on travel. But I dunno, if she keeps ticking the boxes I just might. .. unless she decides to stay here with me, but I dunno... still early
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JukeboxHero

Hey Everyone,

I've been inactive for awhile. Recently came back and I've been lurking for awhile, posting here and there. I've been "separated" from my ex for almost 6 months (since Jan 20th or so), but I officially signed my final divorce papers on May 27th, so a little over a month ago.

I guess I'm still in the "relationship recovery" phase. I still miss her and sometimes regret we had the divorce. Occasionally we still call or text each other to see what were up to.


----------



## RandomDude

Going to call my latest date miss independent. She makes her own decisions, tied by no one, completely self-reliant, in the country by herself, no need for a man, intelligent and successful, hardworking and understands the hardships of life. She passed my tests so far when it comes to materialism as well, there's something about independent women, miss pony too, that strikes a chord with me. Maybe because I've been independent since I was a teen I like a woman who shares a similar wavelength? I dunno...

Her theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6M5C-oKw9k


Helps that she's also the most beautiful woman I've dated thus far, heck find her even more attractive than miss pony. I'm in the process of trying to figure out why... maybe because I'm in the friend zone with miss pony? Heh... maybe because she doesn't pour honey in my ears - wait is it a bad thing?

She thinks she's fat though... WTF?! I also don't get it, she gives me alot of signs she's still interested but she doesn't pour honey in my ears... unlike miss pony.


----------



## RandomDude

... actually I think this is the strongest infatuation I've felt for a long time =/

Which means, bound to burn out! 

*Looks for negative things to balance out my infatuated thoughts*
- She's always busy
- Her English needs work
- She may not want to stay in the country

Chances are it won't work out but damn it's very nice to make an acquaintance with a woman like her.


----------



## foolscotton3

Maybe it's her accent or exoticism that makes her so beautiful 😍 that does play a roll in attraction for most guys I know. So... half check for "English needs work"

Giggity Giggity


----------



## JukeboxHero

RandomDude said:


> ... actually I think this is the strongest infatuation I've felt for a long time =/
> 
> Which means, bound to burn out!
> 
> *Looks for negative things to balance out my infatuated thoughts*
> - She's always busy
> - Her English needs work
> - She may not want to stay in the country
> 
> Chances are it won't work out but damn it's very nice to make an acquaintance with a woman like her.


What country is she from?


----------



## JukeboxHero

JukeboxHero said:


> What country is she from?





foolscotton3 said:


> Maybe it's her accent or exoticism that makes her so beautiful 😍 that does play a roll in attraction for most guys I know. So... half check for "English needs work"
> 
> Giggity Giggity


Agreed, I have a thing for foreign women with accents. Something about imperfect English with an accent definitely hits a chord with me... I don't know why, lol.


----------



## RandomDude

Well having to repeat ourselves doesn't always make for a romantic atmosphere, at times it's a tad awkward. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm so attracted to her, maybe it's that mystery element though?

She's Chinese by ethnicity, but speaks multiple languages and have lived in several different countries and traveled to a dozen more. Very adventurous, independent, bold. There's also confidence in her eyes and posture, and she impressed me with her intelligence despite the language barrier. Also helps that she's probably the most attractive natural beauty I've even SEEN this year, her features really stand out and are very unique (solid 10/10 according to my tastes).

Regardless it's still early stages, we may not last the week, who knows.

Just, nice to be infatuated every once in a while, but it maybe one-sided. She's very hard to read for some reason, maybe because that plays to my attraction? Because she's not the type I'm used to dealing with? 
I don't know...

... now miss pony has become my "girl on the side" but then again she did friend zone me so... but my instincts tell me she's still interested. My instincts however, are haywire when it comes to miss independent.


----------



## tripad

Finally got back in

What a pain


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> She's Chinese by ethnicity


Yellow fever? 

Doesn't she speak English being so well travelled?


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? I'm Asian too remember? 

And her English is conversational, simple stuff we can discuss but complicated/complex stuff it's hard.


----------



## tripad

Lol
Yes I remember.


----------



## tripad

Where do you guys n gals meet people so easily ? ! 

I don't get to meet n pick up men or get to be pick up so easily. 

N I don't want to do the pub scene thing.


----------



## *Deidre*

I have a lot of friends, many are men...and some of these guys turn into romantic flings, and sometimes relationships. But, I'll meet people through friends, or at the gym, or parties. Depends. 

Happy for you @RandomDude - but don't give away your thoughts, feelings etc too easily. Think that's the problem with why miss pony, etc might not have worked out. Get to know people. When we put too much interest out there too soon, it can ruin things. Not saying hold back, but don't wear all of your emotions on your sleeve. If things are meant to progress, they will. 

As for me...I'd say I'm officially ''in a relationship'' now. Really liking this guy I've been seeing, who was a friend for about two years, first. We maintained a friendship when I was engaged, but he never crossed any lines. SO different than what I normally date...he's a cop, likes to hunt, has a southern accent, is super fine. And he's just fun. So many relationships that I end up in, including with my ex fiance, everything was always so serious. Serious talks, serious topics. I just want to have fun. 

Hope you all have an awesome week!!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

*Deidre* said:


> As for me...I'd say I'm officially ''in a relationship'' now. Really liking this guy I've been seeing, who was a friend for about two years, first. We maintained a friendship when I was engaged, but he never crossed any lines. SO different than what I normally date...he's a cop, likes to hunt, has a southern accent, is super fine. And he's just fun. So many relationships that I end up in, including with my ex fiance, everything was always so serious. Serious talks, serious topics. I just want to have fun.
> 
> Hope you all have an awesome week!!


I'm jealous, lol! I have been in love with my best friend for almost two years now.


----------



## *Deidre*

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm jealous, lol! I have been in love with my best friend for almost two years now.


Aw :grin2: He apparently had feelings for me for most of the time we were friends, and I just didn't notice. Is he in love with you, might that be a possibility?


----------



## ne9907

I am in trouble
I met a man, who physically, is everything I want...

I met him yesterday during a 4th of July party at my apartment complex.
Most of the residents are older than me... way older.

ANyway, he was here with a friend who was visiting his mother. 
We talked for a long time...

He asked me for a drink and we went for a drink today. I just came back actually.

I think he is hot.... he is tall and lanky *just how I like them*

He also has 3 children by 3 different women... never married... only 32 years old ( I am 39)

He smokes pot.... daily

Even though he has 3 children, I feel he does not get attached to women... (some things he mentioned about his childhood)

oh @FeministInPink he is a member of FetLife. We were talking about it tonight... 

I haven't felt like this about someone in a VERY LONG TIME!

We made out and he is so gentle but also passionate... and there is something about a man who is gentle/polite (he opened the doors etc) but also wants to fvck your brains out...just drives me crazy...

However... he kept getting a LOT of pings/messages (?) on his phone all night long.

Now for the good things:
He owns his home, has 2 jobs he enjoys a lot (kayaking guide and instructor)....
He is responsible with his children and obviously loves them. 
I like him a lot, which that in itself puts me in a defensive mode because there is something very wrong with my picker....

I am crazily attracted to him, really am!! I probably would have had sex with him tonight... but he didn't push me at all... some petting... a lot of kissing, a lot of just hugging and holding each other.... I really like him!!!!

Now, I think he won't like me or just wants to fvck me... I am seriously NOT ready for a relationship... GRRR... My mind works 10000miles an hour...

I think I will calm down and just enjoy this feeling. I really really really like him!


----------



## tripad

ne

You are attracted to the dangerous bad boy who will break your heart


----------



## Corpuswife

He told you who he is...

He has difficulty being attached. Hence, never married father to 3 kids from 3 different women.

He likes sex and it probably good at it. You will have fun but watch out for the heart. If you are looking for more, then slow it down. He's got others on the burner (ping) and is like a revolving door. 

Figure out what you want from a relationship. Pause. Then, make a decision with your brain.


----------



## Acoa

tripad said:


> ne
> 
> You are attracted to the dangerous bad boy who will break your heart


Enjoy the perks of it while you can. Use protection, be safe and have fun!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

*Deidre* said:


> Aw :grin2: He apparently had feelings for me for most of the time we were friends, and I just didn't notice. Is he in love with you, might that be a possibility?


If he is, he sure hides it well.


----------



## tripad

Ne

Stay away from people who does drugs. No good ending.


----------



## ne9907

I am learning guys!!!
He is a loser, really, a loser!!! My last bf was a different kinda loser but loser anyway..... " YOU are what YOU Date" or "YOU attract what you think you deserve" 
IN this case, I think it is true dudes and dudettes..... I want somone with lots of flaws and red flags so I can protect my heart and NOT fall in love with them. If I fool myself thinking that I am falling in love with them, their flaws will make it super easy to rid of them...

Ouchy ouchy.... Yes, sounds bad I know, but I recognize it. I do not want to fix it yet.... I am not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.



tripad said:


> ne
> 
> You are attracted to the dangerous bad boy who will break your heart





Corpuswife said:


> He told you who he is...
> 
> He has difficulty being attached. Hence, never married father to 3 kids from 3 different women.
> 
> He likes sex and it probably good at it. You will have fun but watch out for the heart. If you are looking for more, then slow it down. He's got others on the burner (ping) and is like a revolving door.
> 
> Figure out what you want from a relationship. Pause. Then, make a decision with your brain.





Acoa said:


> Enjoy the perks of it while you can. Use protection, be safe and have fun!



He is beautiful haha....

We went out again last night, hanging out as friends, we went to a BDSM party/dungeon (?)

was disappointing.... A lot of not very attractive people, overweight, and old (or extremely young). I wont be going back to that particular group, seriously dissapointing..... seriously.....

The dungeon was amazing though.


----------



## tripad

You can fix yourself first. With or without a relationship. 

You fix yourself for your own sake. Not for another person or relationship. 

Walk on the right path. Always.


----------



## tripad

The people who love you will feel pain for you, to see you have something broken inside n not fix. Your children love you.


----------



## RandomDude

Communication has become too much of a hassle for both miss independent and myself, and I think she's lost patience with it too and decided to ghost instead of trying to deal with it.
I don't chase.
Think I shouldn't try to hit on non-western Asian women unless I speak their language, it gets too hard, doesn't surprise me that all her friends are also of her own ethnic. But damn she was HOT!

Felt like crap due to it happening during the high of infatuation despite being rather vulnerable lately and decided not to deal with this on a weekday, and considering how hot she was, I know sleeping with someone else not as attractive is just going to make it worse! Why did she have to be a 10/10?! Bah! So, to hell with it, went to an escort from an agency, was treated like a VIP there actually, I wanted to spoil myself and ended up spending... ~$6000!  I didn't want to just have sex straight away, I wanted the romance, the tease, the passion, the intellectual stimulus, the moments of bliss... things that I craved so much, and they actually delivered the right girl for me. I was going for just an hour, didn't expect her to make an impression aside from looks (she was 12/10... like WTF!!!!), then it got interesting, and I held off from suggesting a room for five hours. No matter what I talked about she held the conversation, and in bed she was so passionate and she looked at me right in the eyes like a lover would. Was incredible.

Funny, like I feel I just mixed drugs, high of infatuation for one person, the down of it still in the process of burning out and the high of an evening with a seductress, even though it's all lies but she was incredible at painting the fantasy... but I definitely feel better. Can't make this a habit, but I guess I just really wanted to squeeze out the infatuation in me by replacing it with thoughts of someone else.

... hell I broke my rule, not going to pay for sex. But hell, that was *ONE HELL* of a first time...


----------



## RandomDude

... ok I don't think I hired an escort. I hired an actress. A very good one. 

But how come she's not in movies?! 

Hell I remember this porn movie me and ex-wife couldn't stop laughing when we watched through it! The acting was HORRENDOUS! Seriously the casters in porn need to be replaced, theres way more talented people out there! But hey heard acting is more about the role and less about the actor's skills when it comes to success in the business.


----------



## tripad

Wow 6 k brings you to fantasy island. 

Is the sex that great? How's it different?


----------



## RandomDude

Oh HELL YEAH! Probably because we 'dated' first, so she could impress me with more than just her looks and body, and she did which really surprised me. So there was buildup, there was sophistication, romance, tease, there was passion. How she could still look me in the eye too, she really sucked out the infatuation I had for my date and replaced it with my infatuation of her. 

Worth it.

Damn, now I'm spoiled for a while, don't think I can be satisfied with a normal woman for a while, oh well, I got what I paid for... YES!


----------



## tripad

Dont get hook n normal women will never be enough thereafter. 

She was just doing her job well.


----------



## Bananapeel

I've never paid for sex but I think half the appeal of a $6000 sexual experience is the implied exclusivity and break from the norm. It's like when people get an extra thrill from sex in public, a three way, bondage, or whatever their kink is. It's all the same act, just one seems more exciting for whatever reason and therefore holds more value to that person. I don't think that there is really a difference between normal women and a prostitute in what they are offering (from a business perspective it is the same product with different marketing strategies). In general if a woman really likes you and you turn her on, then most will act like porn stars in the bedroom without you having to pay a dime. At least for me it is that way. YMMV.


----------



## tripad

Lol

If my BF or husband give me 6 k for a few hours of staring in your eyes n exude love n perform sex, I will gladly be a porn star! Throw me any costume, I'll wear it.


----------



## RandomDude

Miss independent msged me btw. But still, I'm over it. The infatuation has worn off spectacularly, and I believe I did what I had to do.
I'll see how it goes but meh

Nice to be back in control, I need my senses with me, infatuation is nothing but a nuisance and needed to be rid of it, as nice and human as it feels, it's simply too human.

@Bananapeel

Ah, but how readily available are such women when you want it within a short moment's notice?  And not just a booty call. I guess I paid for romance, I was pretty clear with what I liked. Four out of the five hours was dating. Not looking to just strip and bang, I wanted romance, and with a woman who was hotter than my date. Apparently they call this the "girlfriend experience" or GFE lol


----------



## Bananapeel

RD - Surprisingly, they are readily available if you know how to screen for them. The secret is know what you are looking for and don't spend your time chasing women that don't look like they will meet your relationship needs. Also, be confident enough to be direct and tell them what you want or don't want, and appreciate if they reciprocate even if they tell you things you didn't want to hear. If you do that you cut through a lot of B.S. and can hone in on those that are a good match and will happily give you the romance, conversation, affection, and sex you are looking for. 

Now, onto Miss Independent...

Since the infatuation wore off now is exactly the right time to be in contact with her. The reason is you have a lot more control of yourself and won't come off as needy, and if you project that attitude you can get in the situation where she chases you instead of the other way around. 

Oh, I'm going to give you an example on how I screen women to make sure I get one that meets my needs. Saturday afternoon I'm going on a date with a woman I've been casually seeing for a few weeks and we are going hiking then will head back at her place to get cleaned up. When we get there I'm going to walk into her closet (making sure she sees me do it) and pick out a sexy teddy for her to wear that night and I'm going to hand it to her and ask her to put it on when she's done showering. If she complies then I know I'm going to have porn star sex and if she doesn't then I know she isn't a good match for me sexually. I've never done this before with her but the way she reacts, either getting turned on or offended/pissed off, will say a lot about our compatibility.


----------



## tripad

Rd

Your infatuation wore bcoz you got your sexual need satisfied by a professional GFE . Not long term. 

Take on ms independent n see how it works out. 

She could be struggling too


----------



## GuyInColorado

Nothing wrong paying for sex!

“I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.” -- Charlie Sheen


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## foolscotton3

spinsterdurga said:


> Hmmm I'd feel bad about myself if I *had* to pay for sex. I don't know....


I would feel paranoid because it is illegal, but have no moral objections. 

Giggity Giggity


----------



## RandomDude

@Bananapeel / @tripad

Well now that the infatuation wore off, not so sure we are even compatible, the language barrier is difficult, worse in text. She's also more reserved than I'm used to... where as I'm more open.

But we only just met, hence I'm just seeing how it goes, unless she ghosts me again but if she does no longer really care, I'll give our fling maybe a few weeks or so. 
@foolscotton3

It's legal and regulated in my country


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> Communication has become too much of a hassle for both miss independent and myself, and I think she's lost patience with it too and decided to ghost instead of trying to deal with it.
> I don't chase.





RandomDude said:


> Miss independent msged me btw. But still, I'm over it. The infatuation has worn off spectacularly, and I believe I did what I had to do.
> I'll see how it goes but meh


How do you know she ghosted you at all? What if she was just busy for a couple of days, or forgot her phone at work one day? How do you tell the difference between ghosting, bad luck, and just not putting much effort into a guy she barely knows yet?



Bananapeel said:


> Oh, I'm going to give you an example on how I screen women to make sure I get one that meets my needs. Saturday afternoon I'm going on a date with a woman I've been casually seeing for a few weeks and we are going hiking then will head back at her place to get cleaned up. When we get there I'm going to walk into her closet (making sure she sees me do it) and pick out a sexy teddy for her to wear that night and I'm going to hand it to her and ask her to put it on when she's done showering. If she complies then I know I'm going to have porn star sex and if she doesn't then I know she isn't a good match for me sexually. I've never done this before with her but the way she reacts, either getting turned on or offended/pissed off, will say a lot about our compatibility.


This just sounds completely disrespectful to me. I would never dream of walking into the closet of someone I barely know and looking for the most intimate clothing. Have you even had sex with her yet? Has she given you any signals that she would be receptive to this sort of crude approach? I can only imagine you are screening for pure sexual energy instead of long-term relationship compatibility. I would not want to be in any sort of relationship with someone who expected OR provided so little respect.

Perhaps my lack of understanding any of this is why I am unsuccessful at dating.


----------



## foolscotton3

If I only had 6k to blow 🍒🍒🍒$$$

Giggity Giggity


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> Miss independent msged me btw. But still, I'm over it. The infatuation has worn off spectacularly, and I believe I did what I had to do.
> I'll see how it goes but meh
> 
> Nice to be back in control, I need my senses with me, infatuation is nothing but a nuisance and needed to be rid of it, as nice and human as it feels, it's simply too human.
> 
> @Bananapeel
> 
> Ah, but how readily available are such women when you want it within a short moment's notice?  And not just a booty call. I guess I paid for romance, I was pretty clear with what I liked. Four out of the five hours was dating. Not looking to just strip and bang, I wanted romance, and with a woman who was hotter than my date. Apparently they call this the "girlfriend experience" or GFE lol


But it wasn't actually romance. She was acting. I say this to you with kindness, banging prostitutes will not heal whatever it is that is hurting you, deep inside. Like a drug, you'll just need more of it, but you'll always be thirsting for more. There's nothing wrong with wanting intimacy. It scares me too, intimacy with a real relationship. But, I'm seeing someone now, after ending my engagement...and it just flows, in a way that my ex fiance and I didn't flow. But, most importantly...it's real. Even if a relationship ends up sucking...it's real. 

$6000 for someone to pretend to like you for a few hours...isn't real.  If you like paying for a fake experience, then okay. But, be careful to not fool yourself into thinking that paying for sex = real intimacy or romance.


----------



## RandomDude

Oh come on, I'm busy as hell nowadays but I always have time to at least reply back to a love interest... eventually anyway but never the 24 hour mark so I don't get it. Then again, true, she's overworked in two jobs. I remember the days of working 84 hours a week I hardly had enough mental energy to do anything and ex-wife had the ****s with it. So I dunno, just giving it some time but no longer investing in it.

And I know the escort was acting, I paid her to act lol, I wanted the fantasy. She cost almost 10x what the usual rate was but she was educated, experienced, and knew how to give a man a good time in more ways than just sex. It felt good, and got me over miss independent.


----------



## tripad

Personally 


I will never pay for sex nor have sex with someone casually. It's my belief n principles or you can call it old fashioned. 

But it's your life n your choice. Not judging.


----------



## *Deidre*

So, I'm in the smitten stage of my relationship. I like smitten, for it doesn't scare me the way love does. lol 

Happy Saturday, and may you all have an amazing weekend ahead. <3


----------



## ne9907

I do not see anything wrong with paying for sex. 

The loser and I have slowed down a bit, we still talk every day. SUpposed to go out tonight. 
I am also talking to a much older man, 51 year old, we are meeting for lunch tomorrow.


----------



## RandomDude

It's either that or get depressed over the disappointment while in an infatuated high over a stunner. Needed to replace thoughts of her with another stunner within short notice. I have too many responsibilities right now to risk an emotional downturn. No regrets though, I did what I had to, and was able to remain focused at work to secure 110K in revenue for my business. 

Learnt though, that I shouldn't stick to only one woman in the future with dating. I tend to invest too much even when I try not to - especially if she ticks boxes/looks stunning. From now on I'll be keeping at least one on-the-side, at least until the 'going steady' stage.


----------



## tripad

Rd

 

Great business you have there. 

Wanna bring it over here, I can be your assistant n partner.


----------



## RandomDude

That's only the sales, operations and projects are driving me nuts. Under alot of stress as not only am I the one making promises to my new clientele but the one trying to make good on those promises while projects get delayed which are VITAL to keeping those promises.

I lose it now, and it's all over.


----------



## tripad

Yes

Customer satisfaction


----------



## foolscotton3

RandomDude said:


> It's either that or get depressed over the disappointment while in an infatuated high over a stunner. Needed to replace thoughts of her with another stunner within short notice. I have too many responsibilities right now to risk an emotional downturn. No regrets though, I did what I had to, and was able to remain focused at work to secure 110K in revenue for my business.
> 
> Learnt though, that I shouldn't stick to only one woman in the future with dating. I tend to invest too much even when I try not to - especially if she ticks boxes/looks stunning. From now on I'll be keeping at least one on-the-side, at least until the 'going steady' stage.


You don't have to justify why you paid for sex.

Giggity Giggity


----------



## RandomDude

Of course I do, cause it's something I haven't done before. But I'm passing the stage where I no longer really care.


----------



## FeministInPink

Corpuswife said:


> He told you who he is...
> 
> He has difficulty being attached. Hence, never married father to 3 kids from 3 different women.
> 
> He likes sex and it probably good at it. You will have fun but watch out for the heart. If you are looking for more, then slow it down. He's got others on the burner (ping) and is like a revolving door.
> 
> Figure out what you want from a relationship. Pause. Then, make a decision with your brain.


QFT. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

foolscotton3 said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> It's either that or get depressed over the disappointment while in an infatuated high over a stunner. Needed to replace thoughts of her with another stunner within short notice. I have too many responsibilities right now to risk an emotional downturn. No regrets though, I did what I had to, and was able to remain focused at work to secure 110K in revenue for my business.
> 
> Learnt though, that I shouldn't stick to only one woman in the future with dating. I tend to invest too much even when I try not to - especially if she ticks boxes/looks stunning. From now on I'll be keeping at least one on-the-side, at least until the 'going steady' stage.
> 
> 
> 
> You don't have to justify why you paid for sex.
> 
> Giggity Giggity
Click to expand...




RandomDude said:


> Of course I do, cause it's something I haven't done before. But I'm passing the stage where I no longer really care.


Don't think RD is justifying to others here. He's justifying to his inner self. Talking his thoughts out here. 

Am I right? RD?


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> We went out again last night, hanging out as friends, we went to a BDSM party/dungeon (?)
> 
> was disappointing.... A lot of not very attractive people, overweight, and old (or extremely young). I wont be going back to that particular group, seriously dissapointing..... seriously.....
> 
> The dungeon was amazing though.


That is... pretty standard. There are always a lot of young people, because they haven't had kids yet, and there are a good number of people who are "older"--who are done with the kids thing, and have their life back. A girlfriend of mine is constantly complaining because she never meets any decent guys at the clubs--they're either poly or in an open relationship, or they just want NSA sex. And in general, from what I've seen, single guys in the lifestyle don't usually go to clubs--and most of the single guys who DO go to clubs are unattractive and/or creepy, and they're looking to take advantage of the inexperienced PYTs.

But the wonderful thing about this community is this: everyone is accepted for who they are, not matter how fat and wrinkled--or "unattractive" they may be. Because someone you find unattractive is still attractive--even beautiful--to someone else. My involvement in the community has helped me to love and accept my body in a way I never was able to before, and has helped me shed the physical shame that has followed me since childhood. (Thanks, mom and dad!)

I love you, Ne, but... seriously, you need to grow up. Ugly and fat people enjoy sex and need love, too. Stop being so judgey. I hate to think what your opinion of me would be if you saw me at a BDSM club.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Don't think RD is justifying to others here. He's justifying to his inner self. Talking his thoughts out here.
> 
> Am I right? RD?


Yup, I did break my own rule after all, and I refuse to regret it knowing I skipped a period of unnecessary depression 



FeministInPink said:


> That is... pretty standard. There are always a lot of young people, because they haven't had kids yet, and there are a good number of people who are "older"--who are done with the kids thing, and have their life back. A girlfriend of mine is constantly complaining because she never meets any decent guys at the clubs--they're either poly or in an open relationship, or they just want NSA sex. And in general, from what I've seen, single guys in the lifestyle don't usually go to clubs--and most of the single guys who DO go to clubs are unattractive and/or creepy, and they're looking to take advantage of the inexperienced PYTs.
> 
> But the wonderful thing about this community is this: everyone is accepted for who they are, not matter how fat and wrinkled--or "unattractive" they may be. Because someone you find unattractive is still attractive--even beautiful--to someone else. My involvement in the community has helped me to love and accept my body in a way I never was able to before, and has helped me shed the physical shame that has followed me since childhood. (Thanks, mom and dad!)
> 
> Ugly and fat people enjoy sex and need love, too. Stop being so judgey. I hate to think what your opinion of me would be if you saw me at a BDSM club.


Gotta have to agree with FIP here, was going to say Ne... what did you expect? A porn set? lol


----------



## Red Sonja

FeministInPink said:


> But the wonderful thing about this community is this: everyone is accepted for who they are, not matter how fat and wrinkled--or "unattractive" they may be. Because someone you find unattractive is still attractive--even beautiful--to someone else. My involvement in the community has helped me to love and accept my body in a way I never was able to before, and has helped me shed the physical shame that has followed me since childhood. (Thanks, mom and dad!)
> 
> I love you, Ne, but... seriously, you need to grow up. Ugly and fat people enjoy sex and need love, too. Stop being so judgey. I hate to think what your opinion of me would be if you saw me at a BDSM club.


QFT and great post. And, just because I am "old" (59) doesn't mean I am no longer a sexual woman.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> That is... pretty standard. There are always a lot of young people, because they haven't had kids yet, and there are a good number of people who are "older"--who are done with the kids thing, and have their life back. A girlfriend of mine is constantly complaining because she never meets any decent guys at the clubs--they're either poly or in an open relationship, or they just want NSA sex. And in general, from what I've seen, single guys in the lifestyle don't usually go to clubs--and most of the single guys who DO go to clubs are unattractive and/or creepy, and they're looking to take advantage of the inexperienced PYTs.
> 
> But the wonderful thing about this community is this: everyone is accepted for who they are, not matter how fat and wrinkled--or "unattractive" they may be. Because someone you find unattractive is still attractive--even beautiful--to someone else. My involvement in the community has helped me to love and accept my body in a way I never was able to before, and has helped me shed the physical shame that has followed me since childhood. (Thanks, mom and dad!)
> 
> I love you, Ne, but... seriously, you need to grow up. Ugly and fat people enjoy sex and need love, too. Stop being so judgey. I hate to think what your opinion of me would be if you saw me at a BDSM club.


I am sorry FIP, you shamed me, and yet helped me opened a side of me I must improved on. I am so sorry.... Your post shamed me to the core. Yes, I am a selfish and shallow person. You are absolute right, beauty comes in many forms. I will learn to be humble... because I feel I am not. I need to accept and respect every one....

I am going to another munch (meet up) on thursday. I changed my mind, this is a lifestyle I welcome because I will gain a lot from being around people who fully accept their bodies and likes (I do not).

this munch is much more casual, not a large group of people. I am extremely judgmental. Hanging out with people of all colors, races, and attractiveness level will help me understand and accept myself better.

The hot guy and I got together again on Saturday. We spent a pleasant evening... of course he gave me the " I do not get attached" spill again..... 

We are supposed to hang out again tomorrow. At his insistence. He is hot, I am attracted to him, I will be safe

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I was rejected by the 51 year old man because he isnt attracted to short women.... I understand because he was extremely polite and nice about the whole thing. Our date didn't happen. First time ever I have been friend zoned 

It hurt a bit, but I understood completely because he was HONEST!! 
Men, always be honest. He has been texting me still about books we both would enjoy, I answer because he truly is a cool person and extremely smart 

on ME news: I have been at my new place for almost three weeks. My new job is demanding but rewarding. I KNOW i can be the best loggi they have ever seen, but still feel insecure... and afraid I will fvck up....

I havent been sleeping regularly. I normally fall asleep at 2am or 3 am and have to get up at 7am.

Sunday, I had a breakdown.... I cried the entire day.... about nothing and everything. It felt good to cry.... I needed that.... I was crying because of the 51 yo rejection, because of the hot guy's attachment issues, because of the evilness of my ex husband, because I am so stressed out, because I have to prove myself at my new job (I was told that!!!!)

I really seriously need to get laid and receive a GREAT ****ing....

This is truly the first time I am adulating on my own.... I have to pay rent and utility bills on the first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha.... I am in a euphoric and depressed state... No, I am not bipolar.

Love you all.... You are wonderful


----------



## FeministInPink

Ne, we all have our faults, and I am not without mine. If you are ashamed, be ashamed of your thoughts and behaviors, not of yourself and who you are. Thoughts and behaviors can be changed, and you are in a place of growth and change right now.

I have seen this type of thoughts and behavior from you before, although I haven't called you out as bluntly in the past. I understand where this comes from, so I don't want to be too hard on you. (But when you direct them at my people--and by extension, me, because I am one of those overweight people who dares to go to a club and claim my sexuality proudly--my protective insrincts will come out.) These thoughts and behaviors stem from your own lack of self-worth and -esteem, and it makes you feel like you have worth when you deprecate others. When you truly love and value yourself, you'll be less inclined to judge others.

You're making progress, but you still have a long way to go. Self-awareness is a good start.

*hugs*

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Mmmmm... met someone interesting, probably the most down to earth lady actually... mmm... *continues*

Just got this new app too Skout and it had my popularity at "very high" =/
My phone is always buzzing it's getting annoying now, but why am I so sexy yet I can't find a decent lady? 

BAH!

Oh wait I did find one just a day ago... I hope...


----------



## RandomDude

Oh BULLSH-T... too good to be true again, honey in my ears...

Unless she's not bullsh-tting, but bull-sh-t these things just dont happen to me... unless, wait, maybe this is my one big break... nah fk that stop thinking RD! I'll get infatuated again.

Damn I have to admit, the quality of women recently have been on the up


----------



## ne9907

I saw the hot guy again today. I feel so beautiful, charming, and desirable with I am with him. Not since "blue yes" (a guy I had sex with two years ago) had I felt this wonderful.

I am so high on him. His "player" way sure work on me... I am going to enjoy this ride!


Maybe he is the reason I cant sleep since I moved here haha.


----------



## tripad

Envy


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Envy


Don't be. 
It is a magical feeling, but I know the reality. He is not long term material, however we are still in the infatuation stage. The "I was just thinking about you text" selfies, smiles, reminding me to turn on the AC because he knows I will get nightmares, remembering my plans, I remember his plans...

It is weird. I wont see him for about two to three weeks. I am traveling and so is he...

This feeling is pretty awesome... I find myself giggling and laughing for no reason at all 

This is what I WANT forever haha... I will fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new, so the feeling will never stop (I know it is ridiculous!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2_TuNRtNEg


----------



## RandomDude

I need to stop working so hard, I get home and feel so horny


----------



## TooNice

Hey everyone. 

So, I have been continuing my trend of connecting with men who are not looking for anything long term. There is an old farming expression about not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free... I think it sums up dating in today's society (online and in person!). There are enough women who are after the same thing these men are, so I am finding that when I tell men no, they are happy to move on to the next one who will say yes. )While saying yes for awhile had its merits, I know I want a LTR now. Saying yes won't get me there.) 

That said, I have been texting with a guy I met on Tinder. He lives about 90 minutes from me, but we have plans to meet for dinner tomorrow. He seems sweet, kind and funny. And he has yet to send me a photo that requires immediate deleting. I am cautiously hopeful. 

Hope everyone is having a fantastic week!


----------



## *Deidre*

TooNice said:


> Hey everyone.
> 
> So, I have been continuing my trend of connecting with men who are not looking for anything long term. There is an old farming expression about not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free... I think it sums up dating in today's society (online and in person!). There are enough women who are after the same thing these men are, so I am finding that when I tell men no, they are happy to move on to the next one who will say yes. )While saying yes for awhile had its merits, I know I want a LTR now. Saying yes won't get me there.)
> 
> That said, I have been texting with a guy I met on Tinder. He lives about 90 minutes from me, but we have plans to meet for dinner tomorrow. He seems sweet, kind and funny. And he has yet to send me a photo that requires immediate deleting. I am cautiously hopeful.
> 
> Hope everyone is having a fantastic week!


Aw, I hope it goes well for you!!


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I think things are over with Real Estate. I waited a while to post about it, because I was hoping that the outcome would change. 

We went to kinky camp the last weekend in June, and after two amazing days, we had a big fight Sunday morning. The time since has been a roller coaster. We've talked about and apologized to one another and seem to be over the fight itself, but the fight brought up old issues and wounds for both of us. The end result is that he doesn't know how he feels about me, he's finally acknowledging that he wants a relationship, but he doesn't know if he's ready. He says he wants to be friends, but he's not being very friendly--he's been polite, but he clearly doesn't want to see me.

I'm at a loss. We had an amazing connection--he admits it--and neither of us are perfect people, but we were perfect for one another. And it was healthy, the healthiest relationship I ever had. For him, too. We met one another's needs effortlessly, and yet this is happening.

What do you do when it's the right person, but the wrong time?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> So, I think things are over with Real Estate. I waited a while to post about it, because I was hoping that the outcome would change.
> 
> We went to kinky camp the last weekend in June, and after two amazing days, we had a big fight Sunday morning. The time since has been a roller coaster. We've talked about and apologized to one another and seem to be over the fight itself, but the fight brought up old issues and wounds for both of us. The end result is that he doesn't know how he feels about me, he's finally acknowledging that he wants a relationship, but he doesn't know if he's ready. He says he wants to be friends, but he's not being very friendly--he's been polite, but he clearly doesn't want to see me.
> 
> I'm at a loss. We had an amazing connection--he admits it--and neither of us are perfect people, but we were perfect for one another. And it was healthy, the healthiest relationship I ever had. For him, too. We met one another's needs effortlessly, and yet this is happening.
> 
> What do you do when it's the right person, but the wrong time?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Maybe he isn't quite over some of his old wounds, and the minute something new triggers them, he retreats. That can happen. Even though you're both perfect for one another, he still has some healing to do maybe otherwise he'll never let someone get too close to him. I'm sorry this is happening ((hugs))


----------



## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> Maybe he isn't quite over some of his old wounds, and the minute something new triggers them, he retreats. That can happen. Even though you're both perfect for one another, he still has some healing to do maybe otherwise he'll never let someone get too close to him. I'm sorry this is happening ((hugs))


You hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what's happening. He has previously said that he's scared to let someone get that close to him, emotionally. He's scared of being hurt again. He was starting to heal, with me. I could see the changes in him.

And then this fight happened, and he pulled way, way back.

There's some things about me that reminds him of his XW, I know. They're not bad things, by themselves, but they may be a trigger for him in some way. For example, he's mentioned/complimented frequently how smart I am. He likes that about me, and we have great, challenging conversations. His XW was also very smart, had degrees from a prestigious school, which was fine at the beginning for them, but ultimately she kind of lorded it over him, and put him down because he "only" has a BA from a state school, and made it clear that he wasn't good enough for her in that respect. Well... I went to a BETTER school than she did, and according to Real Estate, I'm smarter than she ever was. So even though he's never said it, I know there's a fear in him that I could end up having the same attitude and treating him the same way.

I just hate feeling so helpless. There is LITERALLY nothing I can do. I want to keep lines of communication open, but I can't be the one doing all the texting. I know I'm not supposed to chase, and I know he needs space, but how much?

Over the last 2.5 weeks, we've gone from fighting --> not talking --> terse texting --> we should take the sex out of the equation and just be friends --> an incredibly intimate, honest discussion last Thursday --> maybe we can still do this if we keep kink at clubs and parties, and keep it platonic outside and still hang out --> maybe we can go back to what we were doing before --> some polite texting --> radio silence. 

According to a mutual friend, since our discussion last Thursday, he's changed his tune from "I don't ever want a relationship" to finally admitting to himself that he DOES want a relationship, but he doesn't know if he's ready. That represents a HUGE shift in him.


----------



## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> You hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what's happening. He has previously said that he's scared to let someone get that close to him, emotionally. He's scared of being hurt again. He was starting to heal, with me. I could see the changes in him.
> 
> And then this fight happened, and he pulled way, way back.
> 
> There's some things about me that reminds him of his XW, I know. They're not bad things, by themselves, but they may be a trigger for him in some way. For example, he's mentioned/complimented frequently how smart I am. He likes that about me, and we have great, challenging conversations. His XW was also very smart, had degrees from a prestigious school, which was fine at the beginning for them, but ultimately she kind of lorded it over him, and put him down because he "only" has a BA from a state school, and made it clear that he wasn't good enough for her in that respect. Well... I went to a BETTER school than she did, and according to Real Estate, I'm smarter than she ever was. So even though he's never said it, I know there's a fear in him that I could end up having the same attitude and treating him the same way.
> 
> I just hate feeling so helpless. There is LITERALLY nothing I can do. I want to keep lines of communication open, but I can't be the one doing all the texting. I know I'm not supposed to chase, and I know he needs space, but how much?
> 
> Over the last 2.5 weeks, we've gone from fighting --> not talking --> terse texting --> we should take the sex out of the equation and just be friends --> an incredibly intimate, honest discussion last Thursday --> maybe we can still do this if we keep kink at clubs and parties, and keep it platonic outside and still hang out --> maybe we can go back to what we were doing before --> some polite texting --> radio silence.
> 
> According to a mutual friend, since our discussion last Thursday, he's changed his tune from "I don't ever want a relationship" to finally admitting to himself that he DOES want a relationship, but he doesn't know if he's ready. That represents a HUGE shift in him.


Why is he comparing you to his ex wife? The fact that he's still talking/complaining/whatevering about his ex wife, tells me he still is hurting over her. 

Be careful that you don't lose yourself in this guy, and let him control the situation. It takes two to make a relationship, you matter. You have a say, and it's easy to get caught up in feeling like someone is 'perfect' for you, and ignore red flags. I see some red flags here that would caution me personally to move forward, but you have to see them. I thought at first that my ex fiance and I were perfect for each other, and in many ways, we were. But, the red flags were something to not be ignored, no matter how good he made me feel in other areas. Be careful to not let someone put you on a roller coaster of emotions, you deserve the best. You deserve someone's best. We are all fallible, and human, but the 180's that he's doing - while I understand where he's coming from, he may need time to heal before being able to really be in a relationship. 

Where do things stand right now? Did you guys talk today?


----------



## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> Why is he comparing you to his ex wife? The fact that he's still talking/complaining/whatevering about his ex wife, tells me he still is hurting over her.
> 
> Be careful that you don't lose yourself in this guy, and let him control the situation. It takes two to make a relationship, you matter. You have a say, and it's easy to get caught up in feeling like someone is 'perfect' for you, and ignore red flags. I see some red flags here that would caution me personally to move forward, but you have to see them. I thought at first that my ex fiance and I were perfect for each other, and in many ways, we were. But, the red flags were something to not be ignored, no matter how good he made me feel in other areas. Be careful to not let someone put you on a roller coaster of emotions, you deserve the best. You deserve someone's best. We are all fallible, and human, but the 180's that he's doing - while I understand where he's coming from, he may need time to heal before being able to really be in a relationship.
> 
> Where do things stand right now? Did you guys talk today?


He can hold a grudge, over major things. For a VERY long time. It's the way he grew up.

He's never directly compared me to her, BTW. Not that I know of.

And the roller coaster of emotions... a lot of that is me, too. I have a very disorganized attachment style--thanks, Mom!--and so I can get very mood-swingy when I don't know exactly what's going on. I usually keep it to myself, because I know it will even out eventually. It's a hangover from a lifetime of bottling everything up--I opened Pandora's jar when my marriage fell apart a few years ago, and I'm still learning how to process my emotions. 

We haven't spoken since Monday. If I text him or call him, he'll talk to me. He won't ignore me. But he's also not initiating contact. He insisted that he wanted to still be friends, to talk and hang out, but it only happens if I initiate. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

@FeministInPink
hugs... I am sorry. Last sunday I was feeling quite like you are now. I called a good friend, she set me straight, then I drank two bottles of wine and cried until my eyes shut down....

If you want to text him! Text him. He said you two can be friends. WHo cares if you seem needy? 
You will. After you bomb text him for a while, YOU WILL grow tired and angry at his insipid responses and will quit texting him.

You are uber strong, you will get over this as well.


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## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> *And the roller coaster of emotions... a lot of that is me, too. I have a very disorganized attachment style--thanks, Mom!--and so I can get very mood-swingy when I don't know exactly what's going on. I usually keep it to myself, because I know it will even out eventually. It's a hangover from a lifetime of bottling everything up--I opened Pandora's jar when my marriage fell apart a few years ago, and I'm still learning how to process my emotions. *
> 
> We haven't spoken since Monday. If I text him or call him, he'll talk to me. He won't ignore me. But he's also not initiating contact. He insisted that he wanted to still be friends, to talk and hang out, but it only happens if I initiate.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


The bolded part is 100% me... or was me. I am learning to let go of my moodiness and emotions. I do not care if a man thinks I am stupid crazy for texting him 5 or 6 messages in a row. I did that a LOT with men I used to fvck... Mind you, I did not want a relationship, I just wanted to know where things stands...

Let go of your emotions! Be free. Be Proud of them. Whats the worse that could happen if you let your emotions roam free?

I honestly dislike my body BUT I tell it like it is. I say what I think and how I feel (most times) 

WHY? Because the people who will judge you DO NOT matter.

Trigger are a b!tch actually. The hot guy called me sweety the other day and I simply told him NOT to call me that EVER again. He asked why, I said that I didnt like it. I did not tell him that evil EX would call me sweety and beautiful and gorgeous and stupid BS lovey dovey stuff... I honestly CANNOT stand being called all that...

He now calls me sugar... I do not really like terms of endearment but I like them coming from him.

FiP: Do not drive yourself crazy... Have a good cry, vent with us, let him go, HE is not ready for you babes. He isn't ready or he simply does not want to be ready.


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## Bananapeel

FIP - Here's my male's perspective. If you are really interested in him then just let him lead the relationship at the rate he's fine with and see where it goes. It's pretty natural to have some reservations about relationships and commitment issues after any divorce so his feelings are normal. Also, his ability to move forward in a relationship or emotionally with you is not a linear process. Think of it like the stages of grief where you jump around from one to the other, then back again, then move forward, then back, etc. I'm sure this sucks from your perspective, but it's a tough process for him too. I'd recommend just talking with him and saying that you enjoy spending time with him and you're happy with whatever level of relationship he is, and if he wants to change it at any time (moving forward or backward) to just discuss it with you so that you are both on the same page. Try not to stress too much about it. If it was meant to be, then you'll know it.


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## Bananapeel

TooNice said:


> Hey everyone.
> 
> There is an old farming expression about not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free...


I have always thought this was a strange analogy in regard to dating/sex. If you've ever been in a milking parlor you'd see that cows enjoy being milked! Heck, they know their place in line and wait patiently for their turn, so I guess it's not too far off from the dating world. :grin2:


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## RandomDude

DAMN IT, I'm so down lately 

Why can't the stars just fking align for once? I FINALLY meet three women these year who aren't all about money, one I blew my chances by dumping her cause she wouldn't put out, the other is so bloody busy she doesn't have time for anything not to mention language barrier, and the recent one seems like a drug-infused party girl with seriously incompatible lifestyles.

Starting to feel some higher power just doesn't want me to be happy.


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## RandomDude

Buzz buzz... so miss independent messaged me, so it turns out she's got issues, she buries herself in work, she has guys after her, but she doesn't do anything about it - expects them to do everything, won't put in the effort, and why? Turns out she no longer believes in romance... almost sounds like me, something like "I'm not being negative, just a realist"

*sigh*

Well at least now I know it's her not me 

Yay! Makes me feel so much better  ... not -.- *sigh*


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## *Deidre*

Love will find you someday, RandomDude. Maybe ''the stars'' feel you aren't ready yet...and when you are, love will come your way. Fate works like that sometimes.  

As for me, things are going well. I'm one of those waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of women, and I don't want to be that way, anymore. I'd like to just enjoy this new relationship and not worry about what might go wrong, because when you worry about that stuff, things go wrong. Maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy or something. lol

Here's to the weekendz! ^_^


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## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> He can hold a grudge, over major things. For a VERY long time. It's the way he grew up.


 That's a red flag.  Don't ignore it.



> He's never directly compared me to her, BTW. Not that I know of.


 I guess what I meant was it seems like you know way too much about his ex wife, like he filled your head with all this stuff about her. Idk.



> And the roller coaster of emotions... a lot of that is me, too. I have a very disorganized attachment style--thanks, Mom!--and so I can get very mood-swingy when I don't know exactly what's going on. I usually keep it to myself, because I know it will even out eventually. It's a hangover from a lifetime of bottling everything up--I opened Pandora's jar when my marriage fell apart a few years ago, and I'm still learning how to process my emotions.


 Aw  I hear you, think it's natural to get this way sometimes when things feel unsteady. I tend to retreat, because the roller coaster can be too painful. It's good you're learning to process things better. 



> We haven't spoken since Monday. If I text him or call him, he'll talk to me. He won't ignore me. But he's also not initiating contact. He insisted that he wanted to still be friends, to talk and hang out, but it only happens if I initiate.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I would back away for a while, a relationship or friendship for that matter, requires a two way exchange. You didn't do something awful, you both had an argument, and if he wishes to remain friends then he needs to show you that. If you keep initiating, you'll never know if he truly wants to be your friend and have you in his life, or it is just something he says. Hope things get better, with or without him. ((hugs))


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## TooNice

My date went well. Really well. He looks like his pics (win), he's sweet and funny, and we had good conversation. He has a decent job that makes him happy, owns his car, and does not live with his parents. And he was just enough of a gentleman on our date. 

Here is a first for me, though... after we were both at our respective homes, he texted me to let me know he deleted his Tinder profile. Normally that would freak me out. But his reasoning was sweet and sound - we are hitting it off, and he wants to focus on that to see what happens. PEOPLE REALLY DO THAT??? We are seeing each other again tomorrow, so we will probably talk more about that, then. I am not sure I am ready to do the same, I just need to let this sit for a bit. I have settled into my belief that dating today is a lesson in multitasking, and need to readjust to having found someone who may prove me wrong. More to the point, it was one date, and I have yet to meet someone who has even been around long enough to justify shutting down OLD for a real person. In a short time, he's seeming to not be like other guys, so I will see what happens. One date at a time. 

For as much as I want to have one, I am terrified of another real relationship. I know I have pushed away some perfectly nice men because they were LTR material, and that freaked me out. But some of them also moved fast, which was scary for me. I told this one I need to move slow. And he says he is more than fine with that. We got our old-fashioned "meet to see if we like each other" date out of the way... I am excited to see how things look after we spend some time and conversation together. 

In the meantime, I'm just going to revel in the nice feelings of having had a nice first date with a follow up just around the corner. <3


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## RandomDude

*Deidre* said:


> Love will find you someday, RandomDude. Maybe ''the stars'' feel you aren't ready yet...and when you are, love will come your way. Fate works like that sometimes.


The last time "the stars" felt I wasn't ready it actually introduced me to a potential who I simply wasn't ready for - so I know wasn't ready. I would prefer that then to not even meet any potential at all, and struggle to find out in what areas of my life to even improve.

Several new women messaged me recently, none really my type. One even had the audacity to 'compliment' (or tease) my apparent "beautiful" face WTF?! When a woman says you are "beautiful", does that mean she thinks you are babyfaced/feminine?  Bah! But hey I guess I should be flattered, apparently alot of guys don't even replies let alone ladies initiating first contact

Doesn't help though, either than my daughter and cat I have no one else important in my life  I just want to love >.<


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## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> The last time "the stars" felt I wasn't ready it actually introduced me to a potential who I simply wasn't ready for - so I know wasn't ready. I would prefer that then to not even meet any potential at all, and struggle to find out in what areas of my life to even improve.


This is a good thing for you to recognize, RD. Some may even call that growth. :x


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## *Deidre*

TooNice said:


> My date went well. Really well. He looks like his pics (win), he's sweet and funny, and we had good conversation. He has a decent job that makes him happy, owns his car, and does not live with his parents. And he was just enough of a gentleman on our date.
> 
> Here is a first for me, though... after we were both at our respective homes, he texted me to let me know he deleted his Tinder profile. Normally that would freak me out. But his reasoning was sweet and sound - we are hitting it off, and he wants to focus on that to see what happens. PEOPLE REALLY DO THAT??? We are seeing each other again tomorrow, so we will probably talk more about that, then. I am not sure I am ready to do the same, I just need to let this sit for a bit. I have settled into my belief that dating today is a lesson in multitasking, and need to readjust to having found someone who may prove me wrong. More to the point, it was one date, and I have yet to meet someone who has even been around long enough to justify shutting down OLD for a real person. In a short time, he's seeming to not be like other guys, so I will see what happens. One date at a time.
> 
> For as much as I want to have one, I am terrified of another real relationship. I know I have pushed away some perfectly nice men because they were LTR material, and that freaked me out. But some of them also moved fast, which was scary for me. I told this one I need to move slow. And he says he is more than fine with that. We got our old-fashioned "meet to see if we like each other" date out of the way... I am excited to see how things look after we spend some time and conversation together.
> 
> In the meantime, I'm just going to revel in the nice feelings of having had a nice first date with a follow up just around the corner. <3


 Yay!!! So happy for you!!! :yay:



RandomDude said:


> The last time "the stars" felt I wasn't ready it actually introduced me to a potential who I simply wasn't ready for - so I know wasn't ready. I would prefer that then to not even meet any potential at all, and struggle to find out in what areas of my life to even improve.
> 
> Several new women messaged me recently, none really my type. One even had the audacity to 'compliment' (or tease) my apparent "beautiful" face WTF?! When a woman says you are "beautiful", does that mean she thinks you are babyfaced/feminine?  Bah! But hey I guess I should be flattered, apparently alot of guys don't even replies let alone ladies initiating first contact
> 
> Doesn't help though, either than my daughter and cat I have no one else important in my life  I just want to love >.<


Aw, it will happen ... ((hugs))
Maybe you've met these women to know what you want and don't want. There's always something positive to take from every single experience we have, you know? Do you have any hobbies, if not..maybe start doing something new...something that takes you out of your comfort zone, and just enjoy life for a while. 

lol @ ''beautiful''...I've never called a man beautiful, but want to say someone on here said it the other day about a guy, and it seemed like a good compliment.


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## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> I just hate feeling so helpless. There is LITERALLY nothing I can do. I want to keep lines of communication open, but I can't be the one doing all the texting. I know I'm not supposed to chase, and I know he needs space, but how much?
> 
> Over the last 2.5 weeks, we've gone from fighting --> not talking --> terse texting --> we should take the sex out of the equation and just be friends --> an incredibly intimate, honest discussion last Thursday --> maybe we can still do this if we keep kink at clubs and parties, and keep it platonic outside and still hang out --> maybe we can go back to what we were doing before --> some polite texting --> radio silence.
> 
> According to a mutual friend, since our discussion last Thursday, he's changed his tune from "I don't ever want a relationship" to finally admitting to himself that he DOES want a relationship, but he doesn't know if he's ready. That represents a HUGE shift in him.


What I read here is a woman who was like me before I was divorced. 

Feeling angry n helpless. Trying to solve a problem u didn't create. The other party having the problem but wont face it, won't admit it, won't solve it. 

I even beg my ex please stop all these problems, " I am dying inside ", to no avail. 

Fip 

The problem won't go away. He's passive aggressive here. He is controlling the situation but acting helpless n weak n vulnerable n can't control his feelings. That's what I told my ex. that's what I see here as I read your text. 

Maybe the truth is that he's broken inside somewhere but you can't fix it. He has to fix it. 

After my divorce, I may be sad n alone, but I feel I am in control of life and situation, not helpless, but power to manage my life, finance, emotions. 

Why should you hover his status whether he's ready to start or stop or stall in a relationship or not? Why should your life n happiness be dependent on his readiness or status??? 


Love n relationship should be giving n loving both sided. If not, give up on him. This is one lesson I take away from my divorce.


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## tripad

I know it's hard. 

But it's harder to stay. Even harder when it's longer. 

Sigh.


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## tripad

RandomDude said:


> DAMN IT, I'm so down lately
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why can't the stars just fking align for once? I FINALLY meet three women these year who aren't all about money, one I blew my chances by dumping her cause she wouldn't put out, the other is so bloody busy she doesn't have time for anything not to mention language barrier, and the recent one seems like a drug-infused party girl with seriously incompatible lifestyles.
> 
> Starting to feel some higher power just doesn't want me to be happy.



Kinda respect ms pony for not getting back on with you after you dump her. 

Sorry RD. The truth hurts.


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## ne9907

I am backing off from the hot guy. I felt we were moving too fast, he has been texting good morning and calling each other sugar, babe, sweets, etc...

I am going away from 2 weeks, he said he will wait for me.

ugh... I am getting claustrophobic!!! 
I might have to ask for space soon.

I think the overly displays of affection are not normal this early on... 

However, I should just enjoy it


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## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> I am backing off from the hot guy. I felt we were moving too fast, he has been texting good morning and calling each other sugar, babe, sweets, etc...
> 
> I am going away from 2 weeks, he said he will wait for me.
> 
> ugh... I am getting claustrophobic!!!
> I might have to ask for space soon.
> 
> I think the overly displays of affection are not normal this early on...
> 
> However, I should just enjoy it


In my experience, when a guy calls me 'babe' early on, or constantly texts me, when things get into relationship-mode, all of that lessens or stops totally, and he become controlling. I think when people in general, not just men...are clingy, too affectionate too soon, text and call non stop too soon, etc...it tells me that they do this with everyone, because they want to get the person to trust them too soon. If someone barely knows me and is already too comfortable calling me babe, then that means he calls everyone babe early on, too. It's not so much flattering, although it feels that way in the beginning, as much as it's a red flag to me, now. 

Think you'e making the wise choice to back off a bit.


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## ne9907

*Deidre* said:


> In my experience, when a guy calls me 'babe' early on, or constantly texts me, when things get into relationship-mode, all of that lessens or stops totally, and he become controlling. I think when people in general, not just men...are clingy, too affectionate too soon, text and call non stop too soon, etc...it tells me that they do this with everyone, because they want to get the person to trust them too soon. If someone barely knows me and is already too comfortable calling me babe, then that means he calls everyone babe early on, too. It's not so much flattering, although it feels that way in the beginning, as much as it's a red flag to me, now.
> 
> Think you'e making the wise choice to back off a bit.


Totally agree....

This morning he texted, "I miss you"
I was giddy haha, but the realistic side of me thought "Why? you don't know me well enough!"

I do like that he does not make assumptions.
For example, last night we were talking and I said "I seriously wish we were together"
The previous fvck boys I am used to, would have freaked out and assumed I wanted exclusivity and a relationship. This guy just asked what I meant. I clarified myself and all was well. Btw, I just wanted to get together again.

I am weirded out. I do not recall feeling so infatuated for someone before and at the same time, I am getting creeped out because of all the "sugars, miss you's etc"

I do not want to take it slow! I want to go into overdrive! Why? Because there are too many negative factors to see this end successfully. Summer fling Status~~ #mybodyissore 
@RandomDude I think some men are beautiful. This hot guy is hot but to me, he is also beautiful, I am soooo ridiculously infatuated with him.

I called him beautiful the other day haha. He said, " I truly appreciate the compliment but beautiful is just hard for me to take. Just me, but thank you for telling me, that means a lot."


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## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> Totally agree....
> 
> This morning he texted, "I miss you"
> I was giddy haha, but the realistic side of me thought "Why? you don't know me well enough!"
> 
> I do like that he does not make assumptions.
> For example, last night we were talking and I said "I seriously wish we were together"
> The previous fvck boys I am used to, would have freaked out and assumed I wanted exclusivity and a relationship. This guy just asked what I meant. I clarified myself and all was well. Btw, I just wanted to get together again.
> 
> I am weirded out. I do not recall feeling so infatuated for someone before and at the same time, I am getting creeped out because of all the "sugars, miss you's etc"
> 
> I do not want to take it slow! I want to go into overdrive! Why? Because there are too many negative factors to see this end successfully. Summer fling Status~~ #mybodyissore
> 
> @RandomDude I think some men are beautiful. This hot guy is hot but to me, he is also beautiful, I am soooo ridiculously infatuated with him.
> 
> I called him beautiful the other day haha. He said, " I truly appreciate the compliment but beautiful is just hard for me to take. Just me, but thank you for telling me, that means a lot."


I dated a guy just like this, seriously...''I miss you,'' when he barely knew me. ''What are you wearing?'' ''What are you doing?'' ''Hey babe, thinking of you.'' Very early on, and while it was flattering, I came to find out eventually that he was cheating on me, once we became exclusive. Not saying your situation would turn out like that, or that you even want a relationship with the guy. But, it just isn't a good sign (now I see this, then I didn't) when guys act like they've been dating you for years, when it's been a few weeks, if that. lol Personally, to me, it's a sign of a player. The guy I was eventually in a relationship with, was most likely texting others, face book messaging others, etc. And he had me as his gf, and wanted others on the side...

Proceed with caution.


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## RandomDude

Lol yeah well what do you expect? It's like calling someone a "handsome lady" lol

... ok that's it, I'm using that line the next time someone calls me "beautiful", I'll be like, "thank you, it's nice to hear that from a handsome lady!"


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## TooNice

*Deidre* said:


> In my experience, when a guy calls me 'babe' early on, or constantly texts me, when things get into relationship-mode, all of that lessens or stops totally, and he become controlling. I think when people in general, not just men...are clingy, too affectionate too soon, text and call non stop too soon, etc...it tells me that they do this with everyone, because they want to get the person to trust them too soon. If someone barely knows me and is already too comfortable calling me babe, then that means he calls everyone babe early on, too. It's not so much flattering, although it feels that way in the beginning, as much as it's a red flag to me, now.
> 
> Think you'e making the wise choice to back off a bit.


I will agree with this. It weirds me out when men do this early on... especially before even meeting. 

However... the guy I am seeing today does it a little. He has sent me a good morning text every day this week. And he has tossed in a couple of "baby"s and "hun"s here and there. But it feels a little different. The other guys who have done this tend to feel overbearing, and get all funny if I don't text back immediately. That adds to me feeling creeped out. I know this guy is doing it because he feels a connection, and I find his messages sweet. If it gets to be too much, I am already confident that I can simply tell him and he will back off. I think that is the biggest difference. 

So I guess my point is, go with your gut. If it feels like it's too much, than it is and you are right to back off.


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## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> I dated a guy just like this, seriously...''I miss you,'' when he barely knew me. ''What are you wearing?'' ''What are you doing?'' ''Hey babe, thinking of you.'' Very early on, and while it was flattering, I came to find out eventually that he was cheating on me, once we became exclusive. Not saying your situation would turn out like that, or that you even want a relationship with the guy. But, it just isn't a good sign (now I see this, then I didn't) when guys act like they've been dating you for years, when it's been a few weeks, if that. lol Personally, to me, it's a sign of a player. The guy I was eventually in a relationship with, was most likely texting others, face book messaging others, etc. And he had me as his gf, and wanted others on the side...
> 
> Proceed with caution.


I agree. Fireman was like this guy. And he ghosted me 6 weeks after we started dating.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> When a woman says you are "beautiful", does that mean she thinks you are babyfaced/feminine?


I have my kryptonite guy... I would call him beautiful. But it is much more about his physical presence than a superficial look at a photograph. It's about the way he fills up the space around me... I can't actually put it into words. But he is beautiful. >


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## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> I agree. Fireman was like this guy. And he ghosted me 6 weeks after we started dating.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Yea, exactly. Once I started reciprocating with the same types of texts, and so on (iow, once he gained my trust) then he pulled back, and there were times I felt horrible about myself. This wasn't his fault, that was my fault for allowing a guy to have power over me. Lessons learned. But, I dated another guy not too different from that, and same exact thing happened...lots of clingy behavior, texting, calling, and boom...ghosted me once he gained my trust. So it caused me to look at myself too, why was I attracting these types? And when I see that behavior, I run for the hills, now. lol I'm seeing someone now who we were friends first, and so it's TOTALLY different. The trust is already there, and his texts are genuine and like there's a dialogue back and forth. Like he's not trying to hook me in, but rather he's genuinely interested in my replies. 

We should all write a book together of short stories of all the jerks we've dated. :grin2:


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## *Deidre*

TooNice said:


> I have my kryptonite guy... I would call him beautiful. But it is much more about his physical presence than a superficial look at a photograph. It's about the way he fills up the space around me... I can't actually put it into words. But he is beautiful. >


I felt this way about my ex fiance and the guy i'm seeing now. That's a great way of putting it


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## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, exactly. Once I started reciprocating with the same types of texts, and so on (iow, once he gained my trust) then he pulled back, and there were times I felt horrible about myself. This wasn't his fault, that was my fault for allowing a guy to have power over me. Lessons learned. But, I dated another guy not too different from that, and same exact thing happened...lots of clingy behavior, texting, calling, and boom...ghosted me once he gained my trust. So it caused me to look at myself too, why was I attracting these types? And when I see that behavior, I run for the hills, now. lol I'm seeing someone now who we were friends first, and so it's TOTALLY different. The trust is already there, and his texts are genuine and like there's a dialogue back and forth. Like he's not trying to hook me in, but rather he's genuinely interested in my replies.
> 
> We should all write a book together of short stories of all the jerks we've dated. :grin2:


Nail on the head. Exactly the same thing with Fireman. This kind of guys enjoys the chase, but once he gets it...

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> Nail on the head. Exactly the same thing with Fireman. This kind of guys enjoys the chase, but once he gets it...
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I like how you give your boyfriends a nick name


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## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> I like how you give your boyfriends a nick name


Most of us here do 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Most of us here do
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk




I was just thinking that if today goes well, I'll need to come up with one!


~Just breathe.


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## ne9907

Yep, totally agree with you all.

Once, I thought I was too jaded because I do not like this behavior too soon, I also thought that if the right guy came along, I would be fine with all the texting too early on.

For example, earlier this year (February) I met a man, love bombing fool, who just went head over heels too quickly!!!! He would blow up my phone all the time, invited me to spend Easter with his family, took me away on a weekend getaway ( I did go).... Just too quickly. Because I wasn't attracted to him, I thought that if the right man came along with the exact behavior, I would love it. I ended things with this love bombing fool and he still kept saying how wonderful and great person I was. 

Well, here is Mr Hot Guy. He is so beautiful. He is doing a lot LESS texting and love bombing behavior than the other guy, but I am still being turned off a bit. Perhaps I am being cautious.

As I mentioned before, hot guy is 95% of what I look for in attractiveness level. He is a tad too tall (6'2"). Other than that, he is super hot... to me. 

I am so intoxicated by him, yet, I am seeing through his BS... Maybe I do like the chase... Or maybe I recognize hot guy to NOT be companion material for me.

btw, I think hot guy is somewhat physically out of my league


----------



## ne9907

:grin2:


TooNice said:


> I was just thinking that if today goes well, I'll need to come up with one!
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


:grin2::grin2:

Maybe hot guy should be Blue eyes 2.0

ooooooo.... I initially liked blue eyes (guy saw for a while two years ago) because he reminded me of an old boyfriend.

Hot guy (ako BL 2.0) also reminds me of the same boyfriend.


----------



## RandomDude

Hell I noticed I used to be so much more romantic when I was younger, now I'm like, ticking off a checklist, not really giving a crap half the time.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Kinda respect ms pony for not getting back on with you after you dump her.
> 
> Sorry RD. The truth hurts.


Hurts? Meh, I respect her too

More frustrating cause she was ready, I wasn't, and now I am, and she no longer is available. Missed opportunity, because I wasn't ready for it.

Still, it's refreshing to meet some quality women sometimes, keeps you hoping, and when you hope, you become more ready for a relationship.

Hard though when you're faced with disappointment after disappointment... bah!


----------



## *Deidre*

You say she is no longer available, does this mean she's dating someone now? 

It sounds like you grew from it all, that's what matters. I wish we didn't have to go through pain in order to grow, though.


----------



## RandomDude

She's just no longer interested in anything more than friendship with me. She's an uncompromising idealist, like me, only months after breaking up with her did I realise that.

And yeah, tell me about it, if only I could go back knowing what I know now, but meh, that will never happen so best to take it like - "I learnt something! My chance of finding a soulmate has increased by 0.001%!"

Better than nothing


----------



## Betrayedone

RandomDude said:


> It's either that or get depressed over the disappointment while in an infatuated high over a stunner. Needed to replace thoughts of her with another stunner within short notice. I have too many responsibilities right now to risk an emotional downturn. No regrets though, I did what I had to, and was able to remain focused at work to secure 110K in revenue for my business.
> 
> Learnt though, that I shouldn't stick to only one woman in the future with dating. I tend to invest too much even when I try not to - especially if she ticks boxes/looks stunning. From now on I'll be keeping at least one on-the-side, at least until the 'going steady' stage.


You have complex, deep issues, dude. Be careful, your personality type is very fragile and tends to self destruct easily. I would suggest seeking stability and not seeking thrills on the edge. Ask me how I know.......


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Meh... I just refuse to let anything bring me down while I'm on a winning hand. I need to secure all the deals I can so when I have my grand openings for my new venues I'll already have an established client base.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TooNice

Hey guys? Um... I just deleted my Tinder profile. 

For a boy.

I think he is right. We should focus on this for a little bit and see what happens. I am in a strange place-a weird mix of cautious optimism, giddy excitement, and hoping I'm not setting myself up to be disappointed.

So, yeah... Let's see what happens, right?


~Just breathe.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Hey guys? Um... I just deleted my Tinder profile.
> 
> For a boy.
> 
> I think he is right. We should focus on this for a little bit and see what happens. I am in a strange place-a weird mix of cautious optimism, giddy excitement, and hoping I'm not setting myself up to be disappointed.
> 
> So, yeah... Let's see what happens, right?
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Yay!~ Congratulations 


After getting different opinions from you, I backed off from communicating with the hot guy yesterday. It was extremely easy as I was super busy with work.

He texted me at about 8pm, I was tired so I told him I was exhausted. Then he asked if I was planning on meeting anyone from felife here. 

I am currently 7 hours away from him. 

I was playing around and said "yep, you got me. I am kidding~!"

He replied with "sure you are" and went silent.

So I called him and we spoke on the phone. I asked him to clarify his "sure you are" for me. He said he was joking. I left it at that. 

We talked a while, then he wanted to know in detail what I do for a living and why I need to be away for so long.

See? We normally do not talk. It is all just physical pleasure. 
We talked about my job and his.

that is all, yet... I feel he should not be so damn pushy. He is the best sex I've had in like ever!

Whatever, if he keeps annoying me, I will say "bye Felicia"


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> She's just no longer interested in anything more than friendship with me. She's an uncompromising idealist, like me, only months after breaking up with her did I realise that.
> 
> And yeah, tell me about it, if only I could go back knowing what I know now, but meh, that will never happen so best to take it like - "I learnt something! My chance of finding a soulmate has increased by 0.001%!"
> 
> Better than nothing



Only an uncompromising idealist will not have sex with you till she's sure about you even though u gave an expensive A grade date. 

Sigh. I am idealistic too. But sometimes it seems stupid to the outside world. 

Like that idiot who texted me, quote, " What are you looking for? An angel? " when all he wants is to get to my panties.


----------



## RandomDude

Where are you meeting these men?!

Maybe try Skout, a friend recommended it and heck there's alot of action. For some reason I'm getting so many chat requests and ladies checking me out and even on my profile it says I have "very high" popularity WTF?!
Compare that to... 2% response rate on match.com ... like WTF?!

Sometimes it's the site or app, not you, one thing I learnt about online dating.


----------



## tripad

Gave up on online dating. going through a stack of hay is tough n demoralising.


----------



## RandomDude

There's going to be lots of hay no matter where you are, in real life, or online.

However, you mentioned how your offline options are limited, but you need to put yourself out there somehow!


----------



## tripad

How to put myself out there when I am working my azz off? N once back home, I have to help my children with homework? 

My son has a major exam this year for entrance into the next level of education. 

Tough. 

Maybe, after the exam this year end, I will think about where to place myself out there. Probably a class for some kinda sports so I will meet similar health conscious, keep fit kinda guys. Or my church group but there's not guarantee here either as there are fake religious people who are evil just like my ex n his family. 

Where should I put myself???????????


----------



## RandomDude

Chat doesn't take up much time  And it can be done during the downtimes of the day


----------



## tripad

I don't have anyone good to chat with in the first place. 

The most in depth n real chat are all here in TAM.

Most online chat are either superficial courteous, how r you, lovely smile, how old r your children, n you read their profile which says there r online for sex or casual. N when you specify you r not into casual sex, but real relationship, they disappear. Some money scams.

The last one who seems real but refused to meet disappear and I kinda felt he was a money scammer who realised I won't bite n he disappear.


----------



## tripad

Some may be genuine but I don't flirt online esp on initial chats since I am not in for casual sex n that's to prevent sending the wrong signal. 

I guess that tunes them out after just a few texts n so you can guess their intentions as well


----------



## RandomDude

Well of course its superficial, you can't expect folks to delve into deep discussions upon first conversing with someone 

You can, of course, hire a matchmaker, which is what I've been procrastinating recently. From what I've heard, most guys are after sex, and from what I've seen, most women are after money. So if you are looking for exceptions, guess it pays to outsource the problem. But I don't know, I'm still wary of it, as the database is much smaller than on dating sites.

Btw, speaking of materialism, in your country - no more 5cs but 5bs now?
I don't need a CAR, but I want a BMW, I don't need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW, I don't need a CREDIT CARD, but I want a BILLIONAIRE, I don't need you to have CASH but I want you to own a BANK, I don't need you to have a CAREER but I want you to be a BOSS... and I fail 4 out of 5!!!! 

Heh... just found it funny


----------



## ne9907

I had dinner with a great HS friend. We talked about hot guy, she read out text conversation and his online profile. 
Her conclusion is that we BOTH are playing this game. All the terms of endearment are not meaningful because he has always been honest from the get go
He doesn't get attached. He doesn't want a relationship. Just fun and more fun

We are both enjoying our dance 

I will keep enjoying it and not worry about his "I miss you texts"

Friend said he probably does that because he isn't talking now to anyone else at the moment. I agree
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Well of course its superficial, you can't expect folks to delve into deep discussions upon first conversing with someone
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You can, of course, hire a matchmaker, which is what I've been procrastinating recently. From what I've heard, most guys are after sex, and from what I've seen, most women are after money. So if you are looking for exceptions, guess it pays to outsource the problem. But I don't know, I'm still wary of it, as the database is much smaller than on dating sites.
> 
> Btw, speaking of materialism, in your country - no more 5cs but 5bs now?
> I don't need a CAR, but I want a BMW, I don't need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW, I don't need a CREDIT CARD, but I want a BILLIONAIRE, I don't need you to have CASH but I want you to own a BANK, I don't need you to have a CAREER but I want you to be a BOSS... and I fail 4 out of 5!!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Heh... just found it funny


Not true to tie materialism to a country. 

Material girls are everywhere. It's an individual characteristics. You are working hard to avoid a gold digger there too. 

People say that about us because we are a small city but an affluent, hard working, striving nation. 

Sometimes we do get foreign Asian girls here doing their love scam works though.


----------



## RandomDude

Haha I know, I only wanted to see your response 

Still, reputation plays a part, my city for instance, is well known throughout the country as the materialistic capital. I moved here to disappear into the crowd due to a rather... unlawful life during my youth, but never thought I would find someone, have a kid here, and succeed, for now I'm stuck here! 

Still I'm getting closer to what I'm looking for recently, maybe soon I can find someone worthwhile and forget about all this dating crap for a while... *crosses fingers*


----------



## TooNice

I saw my new guy tonight. We met halfway again to have dinner. It hit me today that even if this doesn't work out, it has been so nice to have something feel like it has potential. I was losing hope for that. His text messages are so sweet. And just enough. He can toe the line of my comfort level without quite crossing it, somehow. I mentioned in another post how I have realized in recent months how skittish I am about a real LTR. I don't feel that happening yet. I even invited him to a social event coming up in a few weeks. First of all, it's a few weeks away, and the first time I've planned that far in advance with someone. The bigger deal is that he would be meeting a very eclectic and important group of people in my life. Some of them are very protective of me, and may grill him a bit. He is not fazed in the least. It will be interesting. But could be very good.

I can't believe this has only been going on for a few days. I feel like we should slow down, but it doesn't even feel like we are moving too fast, if that makes sense. Yikes.


----------



## *Deidre*

TooNice said:


> I saw my new guy tonight. We met halfway again to have dinner. It hit me today that even if this doesn't work out, it has been so nice to have something feel like it has potential. I was losing hope for that. His text messages are so sweet. And just enough. He can toe the line of my comfort level without quite crossing it, somehow. I mentioned in another post how I have realized in recent months how skittish I am about a real LTR. I don't feel that happening yet. I even invited him to a social event coming up in a few weeks. First of all, it's a few weeks away, and the first time I've planned that far in advance with someone. The bigger deal is that he would be meeting a very eclectic and important group of people in my life. Some of them are very protective of me, and may grill him a bit. He is not fazed in the least. It will be interesting. But could be very good.
> 
> I can't believe this has only been going on for a few days. I feel like we should slow down, but it doesn't even feel like we are moving too fast, if that makes sense. Yikes.


I don't know this guy but I like him. lol :grin2: I hope it works out! If it's meant to be... you both sound pretty good for one another, tbh.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, Real Estate and I have come together and we have made up. We're still negotiating, so to speak. It's an ongoing process for both of us, but I think we're in a good place.
@tripad -- I hear what you're saying, and I'm not trying to fix him.He has to do that himself. And he's working through a lot of stuff. 

I'm patient, and I think he's worth waiting it out. He's very giving, and he has a lot of love to give. I'm only getting some of it right now, and I feel like my cup runneth over already.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Bored now, got quite a few chats going on but all with so little substance =/

Only thing with substance going on is a potential FWB who is very naughty... and thinking I might just settle into the single lifestyle, I've become accustomed to it now. Just going to fk for fun. 
Meh, think I'll see her tonight, she's pretty cute. Done with my love life for now, just going to fk around until I get bored of that too and decide to try lovey dovey again.

*sigh* I fking HATE the rubber though


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> I'm patient, and I think he's worth waiting it out. He's very giving, and he has a lot of love to give. I'm only getting some of it right now, and I feel like my cup runneth over already.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk



This makes me happy, FIP!



~Just breathe.


----------



## *Deidre*

My boyfriend (I'm calling him this now) and I are really happy, and it just flows. If we disagree, I'm willing to deal with conflict. Something I wasn't very good at before, or maybe just wasn't with men who I felt safe to deal with it? Idk. But, we'll see where this goes. 
@FeministInPink - I hope that things go well for you both, and that it's a reciprocal relationship. Meaning, you aren't leading, but he is meeting you half way. It sounds like you really care for each other, so...fingers crossed.


----------



## ne9907

I came home from my business trip earlier than anticipated. I saw hot guy last night. 

He did not want to invite me over to his place because according to him "I would judge him too harshly, since his home smells badly" he bought a fixer upper and is fixing it.

I am having so much fun! One of my good HS friends mentioned to me that I have never truly been a child, I was always too mature or too old for my age, and never had a strong teenaged love (true). She said I should enjoy the butterflies, and all that. 
FFS!! I blush when I see him naked looking at me with those beautiful eyes of his!!!!

I have seen plenty of naked men and I blush when I see him naked....

Anyway, he is my wild fling


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> I came home from my business trip earlier than anticipated. I saw hot guy last night.
> 
> He did not want to invite me over to his place because according to him "I would judge him too harshly, since his home smells badly" he bought a fixer upper and is fixing it.
> 
> I am having so much fun! One of my good HS friends mentioned to me that I have never truly been a child, I was always too mature or too old for my age, and never had a strong teenaged love (true). She said I should enjoy the butterflies, and all that.
> FFS!! I blush when I see him naked looking at me with those beautiful eyes of his!!!!
> 
> I have seen plenty of naked men and I blush when I see him naked....
> 
> Anyway, he is my wild fling


I'm happy for you!! 
Have you ever been to his house?


----------



## Betrayedone

RandomDude said:


> Bored now, got quite a few chats going on but all with so little substance =/
> 
> Only thing with substance going on is a potential FWB who is very naughty... and thinking I might just settle into the single lifestyle, I've become accustomed to it now. Just going to fk for fun.
> Meh, think I'll see her tonight, she's pretty cute. Done with my love life for now, just going to fk around until I get bored of that too and decide to try lovey dovey again.
> 
> *sigh* I fking HATE the rubber though


You sound like a real class act..........


----------



## TooNice

Wow... so I am officially seeing my out of town guy. I think. For a girl who wants to take things slow, it's really amazing to me that our first date was a little over a week ago. He's pushing the exclusivity thing a bit more than I am, but we are talking a lot about it. I am hesitant, and I have told him so. I was married for a very, very long time, and will carry some baggage and trust issues from that for awhile. Plus the dating scene hasn't really proven to be much better, so I am not prone to diving in with full faith. I hate to sound jaded, but... I am jaded. 

That said, I am fighting my normal urge to flee simply because I am finding things that aren't the way I see them in my head. He's a little bit of a "guys" guy. He's a little shorter than I normally like my men to be. He is educated, and chooses to work in a field outside of his degree because he's happier doing that than what he went to school for. I stayed at his apartment last night... and he and his roommate have a bit of a bachelor pad theme going on. :-o 
All things that sound silly and superficial when I say them outloud, but they are things that would have sent me skittering away from other men. I don't want to do that with him. 

On the flip side, he chooses to do something that makes him happy, versus grinding away at a job he hates. He teases me and it makes me laugh. Every time. And he laughs when I give it right back to him. He has amazing eyes. He has been confident about us from the night we met in person. (And I felt like he already had the foundation for that before we met.) He's patient. He makes me feel like he sees me for who I am. THAT is huge. 

So, one day at a time, I am going to see where this goes. We won't be seeing each other for awhile due to schedules, but I'm already looking forward to seeing him again. And just enjoying the feeling.


----------



## RandomDude

Glad that you appreciate that quality in a man TooNice. It's frustrating to find someone like you in my city. Reminds me of this lady I added as a friend on FB, we got along fine but me not being financially motivated was a dealbreaker for her, even though I made it clear I enjoy what I do, but after adding me on facebook and finding out I'm owner/MD of my own hospitality chain she wanted to date again... NO THANKS!

*sigh*


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> Glad that you appreciate that quality in a man TooNice. It's frustrating to find someone like you in my city. Reminds me of this lady I added as a friend on FB, we got along fine but me not being financially motivated was a dealbreaker for her, even though I made it clear I enjoy what I do, but after adding me on facebook and finding out I'm owner/MD of my own hospitality chain she wanted to date again... NO THANKS!
> 
> 
> 
> *sigh*




Money is not a motivator for me in dating, but passion for work and a desire to do well and be happy at a job is important. I don't need a man to have a high salary. That said, when I meet a man who will one day share finances with me, I want there to be enough to pay the bills and still enjoy life without it being stressful. Money was a major rift in my marriage, and I won't go back to that! I believe there can be a balance, though.


~Just breathe.


----------



## RandomDude

I agree that there should be a degree of realism, like I wouldn't endorse one of my daughter's future boyfriends if he was a deadbeat and unemployed, or just plain stupid, or several other factors...

Highly anticipating the day when I make the first boy she brings home piss his pants


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Money is not a motivator for me in dating, but passion for work and a desire to do well and be happy at a job is important. I don't need a man to have a high salary. That said, when I meet a man who will one day share finances with me, I want there to be enough to pay the bills and still enjoy life without it being stressful. Money was a major rift in my marriage, and I won't go back to that! I believe there can be a balance, though.
> 
> 
> ~Just breathe.


Pretty much exactly how I feel. He needs to be an adult, which means he can earn a living, and responsible with his money.

It doesn't grow on trees, yo.

My XH made decent money, but he was incredibly irresponsible with it, so he was a ****ing financial mess when I met him. I cleaned his sh!t up, so he got a NICE chunk of money when we divorced. He was always b!tching about me spending too much money. Damn fool had no idea what he was talking about.


----------



## heartsbeating

FeministInPink said:


> We went to kinky camp


What is kinky camp?!


----------



## FeministInPink

heartsbeating said:


> What is kinky camp?!


It's like summer camp, but for adults who are into BDSM/kink. There's a 24-hr dungeon, and all kinds of workshops to learn different techniques and demonstrations, plus parties and evening activities.


----------



## heartsbeating

FeministInPink said:


> It's like summer camp, but for adults who are into BDSM/kink. There's a 24-hr dungeon, and all kinds of workshops to learn different techniques and demonstrations, plus parties and evening activities.


I need to visit this thread more often.


----------



## FeministInPink

heartsbeating said:


> I need to visit this thread more often.


Ha ha ha!!!

If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer.


----------



## ne9907

*Deidre* said:


> I'm happy for you!!
> Have you ever been to his house?


Yes, his house does smell like weed a lot, and the judgmental part of me wanted to scream something. However, he TOLD me his house smells of weed. He said that is the reason he did not want me to come over. Sooooo.... 

I am starting to believe I also have attachment issues.... or perhaps I know he isn't right for me and I am putting up walls.
For example, I am starting to get annoyed by his terms for endearment towards me "sugar" "babe" ...

We are both the same thought. The other night I was at his place, we had our wild session of sex, then I got up, put on my clothes to leave but decided to stay around a bit longer. 
I told him "I am just going to lie down for a bit"

He said "Whatever"
hahaha

But we did cuddle for a while... he was stroking my hair and my arm. Nice moment.


----------



## ne9907

My dad passed away a year ago today. I was never close to him. I knew today was the day. I even dreamed about him. 
In my dream dad, my family, and even the hot guy (?) were all there. We were so happy. The hot guy was holding me and kissing me. My dad was smiling, at times, even laughing. We were all so happy.


I was in a great mood when I woke up. Then I get on FB and see a reminder of his death.... I miss my dad. The fact that I was a neglected child, the fact that he seldom had any loving words towards me, or gave me any advice, does not matter. I still miss him.


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> My dad passed away a year ago today. I was never close to him. I knew today was the day. I even dreamed about him.
> In my dream dad, my family, and even the hot guy (?) were all there. We were so happy. The hot guy was holding me and kissing me. My dad was smiling, at times, even laughing. We were all so happy.
> 
> 
> I was in a great mood when I woke up. Then I get on FB and see a reminder of his death.... I miss my dad. The fact that I was a neglected child, the fact that he seldom had any loving words towards me, or gave me any advice, does not matter. I still miss him.


It could be that you have some unresolved things from your relationship with your dad, that causes you now to put up walls. I used to not get along with my dad, but now we do. Only in the past year, really...and it's been great. Once that relationship ''healed,'' then I found myself more open to the idea of love. Just food for thought.


----------



## ne9907

*Deidre* said:


> It could be that you have some unresolved things from your relationship with your dad, that causes you now to put up walls. I used to not get along with my dad, but now we do. Only in the past year, really...and it's been great. Once that relationship ''healed,'' then I found myself more open to the idea of love. Just food for thought.


I do. Difficult to explain, but I know the areas in my life I must improve on. Some areas I do not want to improve, for example: falling in love or trusting someone.

I do not want to fall in love again yet. Yes, I am scared to trust someone as much as I trusted ex. The love I had for him blinded me. I will be A-Okay


----------



## ne9907

Calling out all the angels... jk

However, I do have a question. I have not exactly encountered this before.

So since Sunday and yesterday, the hot guy was not receptive. His texting seemed cold. So I did not follow up at all. 
This morning, he is back to normal? What gives? I never did have the conversation with him regarding "moving too fast" 

So question is: Why do some men act detached, then back to normal?


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Calling out all the angels... jk
> 
> However, I do have a question. I have not exactly encountered this before.
> 
> So since Sunday and yesterday, the hot guy was not receptive. His texting seemed cold. So I did not follow up at all.
> This morning, he is back to normal? What gives? I never did have the conversation with him regarding "moving too fast"
> 
> So question is: Why do some men act detached, then back to normal?


Don't worry about it. Likely he has been busy, or has been pre-occupied by something else. Women tend to read into every little thing, tend to try to find meaning or significance in otherwise meaningless things--a behavior that most men simply don't understand, because they don't read into every little thing that we do.

It's a hard habit to break, I know. When it happens, just focus on your own sh!t and doing your own thing, and soon enough, he'll be back to normal. Again, hard to do, I know. (I went through the same thing with Real Estate the last few days. Difference is, I know he's got a lot of work stuff on his plate, plus there's some family stress going on. Oh, and yeah, he's trying to stop smoking week, so there's that added stressor. Even though I knew all this was going on, my thoughts were bouncing all over the place, like"what does this mean?" or "maybe it wasn't time for us to mend fences, maybe it was too soon" or other things to that effect. Even though I rationally knew what was going on.)

If it really bothers you, just say, "Hey, your texts gave the impression that you were kind of distracted this weekend. Is everything ok?" And you'll find out what's going on, at least to the extent that he's comfortable sharing.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Don't worry about it. Likely he has been busy, or has been pre-occupied by something else. Women tend to read into every little thing, tend to try to find meaning or significance in otherwise meaningless things--a behavior that most men simply don't understand, because they don't read into every little thing that we do.
> 
> It's a hard habit to break, I know. When it happens, just focus on your own sh!t and doing your own thing, and soon enough, he'll be back to normal. Again, hard to do, I know. (I went through the same thing with Real Estate the last few days. Difference is, I know he's got a lot of work stuff on his plate, plus there's some family stress going on. Oh, and yeah, he's trying to stop smoking week, so there's that added stressor. Even though I knew all this was going on, my thoughts were bouncing all over the place, like"what does this mean?" or "maybe it wasn't time for us to mend fences, maybe it was too soon" or other things to that effect. Even though I rationally knew what was going on.)
> 
> If it really bothers you, just say, "Hey, your texts gave the impression that you were kind of distracted this weekend. Is everything ok?" And you'll find out what's going on, at least to the extent that he's comfortable sharing.


I do over analyze everything!! 
Working on mindful meditation 


EDIT: Which is an indication that I should totally END things with him... I am investing myself too much. FFS! I even unfriended him from FB....
I was soooo close to ending things, but then he called me and is acting normal again... I want to keep having fun!


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Glad that you appreciate that quality in a man TooNice. It's frustrating to find someone like you in my city. Reminds me of this lady I added as a friend on FB, we got along fine but me not being financially motivated was a dealbreaker for her, even though I made it clear I enjoy what I do, but after adding me on facebook and finding out I'm owner/MD of my own hospitality chain she wanted to date again... NO THANKS!
> 
> *sigh*


If you had acted like you enjoy your work but not bothered with money and she doesn't a financially irresponsible man , you can't blame her for not warming up to you. She may not be a gold digger but who just want a financially responsible man.

After my own experience, a man who is financially not stable or responsible is a deal breaker. And I am no gold digger. 

I suppose you can tell the difference.


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> I do over analyze everything!!
> Working on mindful meditation
> 
> 
> EDIT: Which is an indication that I should totally END things with him... I am investing myself too much. FFS! I even unfriended him from FB....
> I was soooo close to ending things, but then he called me and is acting normal again... I want to keep having fun!


I've done these very things as you  I often run, when the first sign of something being off ...appears. It's a terrible way to go through dating, by making men climb walls that just get taller every day. I'd enjoy this time with him, and if he truly gives you a reason to question, then question. But, don't make up things in your head because you're scared. This is a time to break out of your comfort zone. I may have broken off my engagement in part due to fear...but I don't regret it, mainly because we weren't right for each other, I've come to learn. But, now I'm dating someone and again, those fears are creeping back...and the desire to stop and run is coming back into my head. I'm not going to run though, and neither are you!  We owe it to ourselves to stop acting like this, and stop worrying that someone is going to hurt us, if we get too close. 

((hugs))


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> If you had acted like you enjoy your work but not bothered with money and she doesn't a financially irresponsible man , you can't blame her for not warming up to you. She may not be a gold digger but who just want a financially responsible man.
> 
> After my own experience, a man who is financially not stable or responsible is a deal breaker. And I am no gold digger.
> 
> I suppose you can tell the difference.


She warmed up to me only after adding me on FB and finding out my role so no thanks! Besides the impression I paint is that of non-material man who is responsible for his finances and daughter, only thing I hide is my title and certain responsibilities that are a give away.

However financially stability means different things to different women, for many, it's all based on numbers, not the quality of the man himself. As I mentioned, even though I hide my finances I don't portray myself as a bum. The numbers I 'imply' are that of a man who already earns more than 50% of Australians, however, if she can't love me at that income I do not expect her to love me when I earn more than 96% in the whole fking country.


----------



## tripad

I suppose your gut tells you she's after gold.


----------



## tripad

It appalls me when younger men are looking for cougars for financially stability or for a roof over them. 

I look young for my age but I would never play the cougar role.

I am working my azz off feeding my boys. N having paid debts for my ex for that long, i will never pay a dime for another man, ever. I think a man should pay for his woman. Ok. I am traditional. I know.


----------



## tripad

Moody

Just work n helping son with major exam coming up. 

N ex is quibbling over child support when I pursue via lawyers. He's embarrassing himself. 

After my son's exam, I think I will hit the pub n dance on the table. N see if anyone try to hit on me. Lol. 

Sigh. Meantime, dream on


----------



## Bananapeel

ne9907 said:


> Calling out all the angels... jk
> 
> However, I do have a question. I have not exactly encountered this before.
> 
> So since Sunday and yesterday, the hot guy was not receptive. His texting seemed cold. So I did not follow up at all.
> This morning, he is back to normal? What gives? I never did have the conversation with him regarding "moving too fast"
> 
> So question is: Why do some men act detached, then back to normal?


This it totally normal behavior for some men including myself. I know that I'm not always in the mood to talk, socialize, or respond to texts (especially with women that aren't at girlfriend status yet), and women could easily overanalyze that as being about them when it just isn't. Two days ago I got a text from a woman that I totally ignored simply because I was pissed off that my kids came to me overtired (yet again) and super grumpy. The XWW can't seem to understand that kids need bedtimes to function properly, and after dealing with that situation I'm not very chatty with anyone. Fortunately, the woman that texted me understood. But if she didn't, then no biggie.


----------



## FeministInPink

Bananapeel said:


> This it totally normal behavior for some men including myself. I know that I'm not always in the mood to talk, socialize, or respond to texts (especially with women that aren't at girlfriend status yet), and women could easily overanalyze that as being about them when it just isn't. Two days ago I got a text from a woman that I totally ignored simply because I was pissed off that my kids came to me overtired (yet again) and super grumpy. The XWW can't seem to understand that kids need bedtimes to function properly, and after dealing with that situation I'm not very chatty with anyone. Fortunately, the woman that texted me understood. But if she didn't, then no biggie.


Then why not just respond and say, "I'm not in the best mood right now, so let's catch up later"? This is what causes women to overanalyze and it makes us crazy. If you're not in the mood to talk, just tell us, because otherwise we're going to think it's something much, much worse. Like you're busy fvcking another woman.

See what I did there?

Communication is key, people.


----------



## tripad

Fip

Totally agreed 

Not good to imagine your potential interest fuzking someone.


----------



## ne9907

I actually have gotten A LOT better at not jumping to conclusions regarding texting. I used to be so bad.

hot guy's and I texting has dwindled dramatically... usually just good morning and a few texts in the evening. He does send me "Thinking of you" 
yesterday I sent him a "Thinking of you" text, he replied with "I am always thinking of you" I felt it was taken right out of the player's handbook....

Anyway... 

Last night I had a crisis regarding my brother. Long story short. His mental process is not logical because of the drugs he does. Anyway, brother wants to get a gun, which I would normally have no objections, however.... I feel he should not get a gun.

I did not know what to do. I was desperate.... I am serious....

I talked to brother, told him I thought the gun was a bad idea because of his irrational thinking (we had conversations n the past about this)..... Just a bunch of BS.... Seriously stuff. I am afraid he might hurt himself or others. 

I could call the police? I could call who???? Who may I call??? brother is 30 years old. He confides in me. I am one of two people he confides in!!!!

Anyway.... (hot guy works at a gun shop) I called him and asked for advice.... He told me to call the store brother is purchasing gun and tell them NOT to sell to him.

I am doing it..... He said, they sometimes get that call, and have to take things seriously.

so.... Any ideas of what else I might do guys and gals? I feel that if I call the cops, I'd be betraying him.

Brother doesn't trust the cops, hates them, has had 2 DUIs, and just recently took a plea deal because he beat up some neighbor. Almost went to jail because of that incident...

On the other hand... he can hide his irrational beliefs.... so mandatory psychiatric ward is out of the question because "he doesn't have a problem" and "is handling **** like a boss!"


----------



## Bananapeel

FeministInPink said:


> Then why not just respond and say, "I'm not in the best mood right now, so let's catch up later"? This is what causes women to overanalyze and it makes us crazy. If you're not in the mood to talk, just tell us, because otherwise we're going to think it's something much, much worse. Like you're busy fvcking another woman.
> 
> See what I did there?
> 
> Communication is key, people.


Thanks FIP - That's an excellent suggestion and one I'd do for a girlfriend. But if she's not at girlfriend status then does it matter what else I'm doing with my time and should I have to explain it to her? If one of my buddies texts me and I don't respond, he'll just figure I'm busy and it's not a big deal. I've also always figured that the early part of dating is when you set up the relationship rules and boundaries. If I have a very busy life and don't want to be at someone's beck and call then early on I establish that I don't work that way by not being readily available. Hmmm, maybe this is something I need to improve on and can handle better.


----------



## Bananapeel

@ne9907 you should call the police and get some general information since the laws in each state are different. Depending on what criminal history he has, he might not pass a background check already. I'm fully supportive of people's rights to legally own firearms but if there is a legitimate reason like mental illness, drug use, history of violence, etc. that they shouldn't have them then you have an absolute obligation to do something.


----------



## FeministInPink

Bananapeel said:


> Thanks FIP - That's an excellent suggestion and one I'd do for a girlfriend. But if she's not at girlfriend status then does it matter what else I'm doing with my time and should I have to explain it to her? If one of my buddies texts me and I don't respond, he'll just figure I'm busy and it's not a big deal. I've also always figured that the early part of dating is when you set up the relationship rules and boundaries. If I have a very busy life and don't want to be at someone's beck and call then early on I establish that I don't work that way by not being readily available. Hmmm, maybe this is something I need to improve on and can handle better.


Put that way, it sounds like you're playing games.

Women are looking for men who treat them with respect. "Ignoring" my text completely for a day or more is flat out rude. It takes what, 10 seconds to send a text? We get it. You have a life, a life which doesn't revolve around a brand new person you just started dating. But you can't spare even 10 seconds to text to say now isn't a good time?

That says to me, this guy doesn't really care if he impresses me, and this guy doesn't respect me enough to respond in a timely fashion. He's either putting in the bare minimum so that I'll fvck him, or he doesn't have time/space for another person in his life.

I'd be saying "Next!" pretty damn quick.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

And I'll also add this: of course your buddies won't be bothered if you don't respond because they're your buddies and they know you. They're secure in their relationship with you, and they know, "hey, this is just how BananaPeel is." A new female acquaintance isn't going to know that--in fact, a new female acquaintance is evaluating pretty much EVERY interaction you have.

And ignoring her is going to me major strikes against you, bro.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Bananapeel

FIP - I love hearing your perspective, although it is about polar opposite of mine. 

I always treat women with respect by being honest about my intentions, so they know what my level of commitment is. I don't try hard to impress women when I date them. I'm just myself and they can like me or not. If they like me and want to spend time with me in the way I'm comfortable with then great, but if not then we aren't a good match and I'll just move to the next one. It's not playing games, just a different way of approaching new relationships than what you subscribe to. 

While handling communication my way might be a strike against me, it is true to my personality and I'm secure with that. I don't have a background in psychology but if you subscribe to Esther Perel's (author of mating in captivity) line of thinking, not having a high level of commitment will actually attract women rather than drive them off. It really doesn't make sense to me.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Put that way, it sounds like you're playing games.
> 
> Women are looking for men who treat them with respect. "Ignoring" my text completely for a day or more is flat out rude. It takes what, 10 seconds to send a text? We get it. You have a life, a life which doesn't revolve around a brand new person you just started dating. But you can't spare even 10 seconds to text to say now isn't a good time?
> 
> That says to me, this guy doesn't really care if he impresses me, and this guy doesn't respect me enough to respond in a timely fashion. He's either putting in the bare minimum so that I'll fvck him, or he doesn't have time/space for another person in his life.
> 
> I'd be saying "Next!" pretty damn quick.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Well, even though I normally say that texts can't be expected to be responded to immediately all the time, past the 24 hour mark is... a rather clear sign they aren't interested.

Don't get worked up about it though, most people just do not understand courtesy, so don't expect it, that way, you are never disappointed, only impressed.


----------



## FeministInPink

Bananapeel said:


> FIP - I love hearing your perspective, although it is about polar opposite of mine.
> 
> I always treat women with respect by being honest about my intentions, so they know what my level of commitment is. I don't try hard to impress women when I date them. I'm just myself and they can like me or not. If they like me and want to spend time with me in the way I'm comfortable with then great, but if not then we aren't a good match and I'll just move to the next one. It's not playing games, just a different way of approaching new relationships than what you subscribe to.
> 
> While handling communication my way might be a strike against me, it is true to my personality and I'm secure with that. I don't have a background in psychology but *if you subscribe to Esther Perel's (author of mating in captivity) line of thinking, not having a high level of commitment will actually attract women rather than drive them off*. It really doesn't make sense to me.


I suppose it really depends on 1) what type of woman you want to attract, and 2) what stage the relationship is in.

If you display a high level of commitment early, we all know that's a red flag, so that would be bad. But you can't maintain a low level of commitment for an extended period of time if you want a LTR. If someone consistently demonstrated low level of commitment to me, I'm walking out the door--if I don't see reciprocal interest, I lose interest pretty quickly.

And keeping a woman constantly unsure of where she stands with a man sounds an awful lot like red pill thinking.


----------



## FeministInPink

Bananapeel said:


> @ne9907 you should call the police and get some general information since the laws in each state are different. Depending on what criminal history he has, he might not pass a background check already. I'm fully supportive of people's rights to legally own firearms but if there is a legitimate reason like mental illness, drug use, history of violence, etc. that they shouldn't have them then you have an absolute obligation to do something.


I think this is good advice. The police (hopefully) will know what the best course of action is.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> It appalls me when younger men are looking for cougars for financially stability or for a roof over them.
> 
> I look young for my age but I would never play the cougar role.
> 
> I am working my azz off feeding my boys. N having paid debts for my ex for that long, i will never pay a dime for another man, ever. I think a man should pay for his woman. Ok. I am traditional. I know.


Many men are boys looking for a new mummy, just as many girls are looking for their sugar daddies. Both sicken me, as I've been working and supporting myself since I was 12. 

But the question is, is that enough? What if that man is still in the early stages of his career, what if he lacks education not because he's lazy or stupid but because he was forced to work at a young age? I was that man.

Yet despite my meagre income, I never once asked her for money, and having no fallback plan for emergencies (no family for example), I was very responsible with my finances - still to this day. I was also sole provider for the entirety of my marriage, and I succeeded from very humble origins, because I found the right woman at that time - a woman who inspired success in a man, rather than a woman who looks for success.

And people wonder why I reject gold diggers. If I was born rich, spoiled, and never had a hard life, sure I can accept them. But having been born into a broken family, dragged along the streets struggling to survive, I despise people who inherit success, rather than work for it.

Also lot of people say money is a major problem in many relationships, and so they reckon having more money is going to solve it... pffft! The problem will persist regardless of the money, and may even be worse.


----------



## ne9907

Bananapeel said:


> @ne9907 you should call the police and get some general information since the laws in each state are different. Depending on what criminal history he has, he might not pass a background check already. I'm fully supportive of people's rights to legally own firearms but if there is a legitimate reason like mental illness, drug use, history of violence, etc. that they shouldn't have them then you have an absolute obligation to do something.


I called the gun store where brother is purchasing gun. I spoke with the manager, since the owner was not there today. The owner is supposed to call me tomorrow.

The manager was helpful yet not overly. Said, the owner was the one who will ultimately make a decision, which is understandable. 

After reviewing the conversation I had with brother and our text messages, I think he will do something stupid if he does get a gun.

If the owner cannot help, I will call a crisis support center.... 

He can legally get a gun because he has not had any felonies.... just misdemeanors...

I know I am probably burning my relationship with brother. He will hate me for going against his wishes.... I know.

He complains that we (sisters and I) are always in his business and worry too much about him. Well, I told him, stop acting like a stupid person and we will not! ..... 

THis knowledge is rather sad, because he is the only brother I get along with. I love him very much. My two older brothers I cannot stand.... (personal reasons).

I seriously do not know what to do. I will expect the worse but hope for the best with brother. I am about to just let him do whatever sh!t he pleases.... and watch his life go down in flames... I cannot do anything to help him!


----------



## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> I called the gun store where brother is purchasing gun. I spoke with the manager, since the owner was not there today. The owner is supposed to call me tomorrow.
> 
> The manager was helpful yet not overly. Said, the owner was the one who will ultimately make a decision, which is understandable.
> 
> After reviewing the conversation I had with brother and our text messages, I think he will do something stupid if he does get a gun.
> 
> If the owner cannot help, I will call a crisis support center....
> 
> He can legally get a gun because he has not had any felonies.... just misdemeanors...
> 
> I know I am probably burning my relationship with brother. He will hate me for going against his wishes.... I know.
> 
> He complains that we (sisters and I) are always in his business and worry too much about him. Well, I told him, stop acting like a stupid person and we will not! .....
> 
> THis knowledge is rather sad, because he is the only brother I get along with. I love him very much. My two older brothers I cannot stand.... (personal reasons).
> 
> I seriously do not know what to do. I will expect the worse but hope for the best with brother. I am about to just let him do whatever sh!t he pleases.... and watch his life go down in flames... I cannot do anything to help him!


Based on your previous info about brother (DUI a couple times, and the battery charges) he will most likely be denied the purchase when they conduct the background check. 

Pursuant to federal law, I believe, a person can be denied for certain misdemeanors (battery or assault of a family member would apply here). 

I'll be happy look up relevant sources if you'd like. 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


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## daddymikey1975

daddymikey1975 said:


> Based on your previous info about brother (DUI a couple times, and the battery charges) he will most likely be denied the purchase when they conduct the background check.
> 
> Pursuant to federal law, I believe, a person can be denied for certain misdemeanors (battery or assault of a family member would apply here).
> 
> I'll be happy look up relevant sources if you'd like.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


(I'm a gun owner and own several of them) 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

daddymikey1975 said:


> Based on your previous info about brother (DUI a couple times, and the battery charges) he will most likely be denied the purchase when they conduct the background check.
> 
> Pursuant to federal law, I believe, a person can be denied for certain misdemeanors (battery or assault of a family member would apply here).
> 
> I'll be happy look up relevant sources if you'd like.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


Yes please. I would really love if you could. 

I feel as I've betrayed my brother. It's an awful feeling and my insecurities are surfacing. 
I feel I now have one less person that loves me and I am hurting...
I should not care at all! But I do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> It appalls me when younger men are looking for cougars for financially stability or for a roof over them.
> 
> I look young for my age but I would never play the cougar role.
> 
> I am working my azz off feeding my boys. N having paid debts for my ex for that long, i will never pay a dime for another man, ever. I think a man should pay for his woman. Ok. I am traditional. I know.
> 
> 
> 
> Many men are boys looking for a new mummy, just as many girls are looking for their sugar daddies. Both sicken me, as I've been working and supporting myself since I was 12.
> 
> But the question is, is that enough? What if that man is still in the early stages of his career, what if he lacks education not because he's lazy or stupid but because he was forced to work at a young age? I was that man.
> 
> Yet despite my meagre income, I never once asked her for money, and having no fallback plan for emergencies (no family for example), I was very responsible with my finances - still to this day. I was also sole provider for the entirety of my marriage, and I succeeded from very humble origins, because I found the right woman at that time - a woman who inspired success in a man, rather than a woman who looks for success.
> 
> And people wonder why I reject gold diggers. If I was born rich, spoiled, and never had a hard life, sure I can accept them. But having been born into a broken family, dragged along the streets struggling to survive, I despise people who inherit success, rather than work for it.
> 
> Also lot of people say money is a major problem in many relationships, and so they reckon having more money is going to solve it... pffft! The problem will persist regardless of the money, and may even be worse.
Click to expand...

My ex is educated as I am. Before marriage, I meet many guys who are educated as well. 

Unfortunately many seems dumb n lazy , and I realise there is something call street - smart n wit n passion n hunger you don't get from an education. 

Personally, if my ex had work hard n failed in business n I had to pay the debts. I would have accepted my fate. But he squanders it on what I guess is extravagances he couldn't afford together with his parents n even sisters, that is like a bag of leeches poured on me. He could even have spent it on women and i won't know. 

I can live it down or live it up since I have been through both directions. I could be with someone who earns less but acts like a man, spend what you can afford. It's not sexy for me if I have to pay for a man. 

That is why my cute neighbour still attracts me. He's not as educated but has done well for himself not super rich, just decent . He talks about his work with a passion, the couple of times we talked about it. N his advices wrt my divorce was street smart advice. Lol. But I think he's out of the game now, guess our timing didn't match n the stars were not align. He must have a gf now. 

Well, let's see what the crystal ball holds for me.


----------



## tripad

Money is a problem, whether you have it or not, more or less, if you make money your priority n love. 

When I was young, money was a problem. Poor family with too many kids to feed. 

When I succeeded, siblings are jealous n tried all ways to lie to get money from me. 

With my ex, he seems to give impression money is not important. And omg, what a nightmare he n his family is. 

At one point, I decreased my work, telling him I am happy to be a happy housewife n mum with a simple life. Thinking that it would lift the pressure off him that I earn more than him and that he would get his family to back off the extravagances. 

Upon divorce, his argument was that u didn't work hard to sustain our life style and that he had an extravagant life style all along! Wtf. I paid for house n kids n his debts n he said I didn't work hard enough. 

Now I have the trouble of picking up my work where I had let it slid previously. Hence working my azz off. 

So i m still trying to understand what kind of man would suit me. Or none at all.


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## RandomDude

Sometimes I wonder how he managed to pass your tests in the first place


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## tripad

I wonder too

But the whole family were like regular simple folks who go to church n help out in church. Simple life. 

My theory is they were overcome by greed, especially the fat sister in law, who initially idolise me n pin up my photo by her bedside. money became easy for them. 

You know. The crazy attraction. Can't have what you have so I take. 

Greed.


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## tripad

I was blinded as well


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## Acoa

ne9907 said:


> I feel as I've betrayed my brother. It's an awful feeling and my insecurities are surfacing.
> I feel I now have one less person that loves me and I am hurting...
> I should not care at all! But I do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just remember, you are likely saving his life. He may be angry right now. But at least he is alive to be angry with you. In time, it's possible he will see that you did this out of love and caring for him. If you let him go through with it and he did do something, you would still lose him, but in a very permanent way (to jail or death).


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## ne9907

@Acoa you are right. I tend to put too much of my personal emotions in everything I do, just the way I am built.


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## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> Yes please. I would really love if you could.
> 
> I feel as I've betrayed my brother. It's an awful feeling and my insecurities are surfacing.
> I feel I now have one less person that loves me and I am hurting...
> I should not care at all! But I do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here's a link to the rules on the ATF's website 

Http;//www.atf.gov/firearms/identify-prohibited-persons

It seems as if the DUI convictions and violence on his record would disqualify him from buying at a shop. 

However, without knowing what state you're in, I can't lookup the laws for purchasing from a private party. 

In Indiana, where I live, there are very little restrictions on making a private party purchase. 

If you'd like, I'd be happy to lookup what the state laws are for you as well. 

There might not be much else you can do. 

I hope this helps. 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


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## daddymikey1975

daddymikey1975 said:


> Here's a link to the rules on the ATF's website
> 
> Http;//www.atf.gov/firearms/identify-prohibited-persons
> 
> It seems as if the DUI convictions and violence on his record would disqualify him from buying at a shop.
> 
> However, without knowing what state you're in, I can't lookup the laws for purchasing from a private party.
> 
> In Indiana, where I live, there are very little restrictions on making a private party purchase.
> 
> If you'd like, I'd be happy to lookup what the state laws are for you as well.
> 
> There might not be much else you can do.
> 
> I hope this helps.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


My last thought is, laws only stop honest people from buying guns. With enough money and resources a gun can be had pretty easily (think black market). Not what you're wanting to hear, but it's the truth. 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

It's the same down under, we have strict gun laws but I knew where to get a piece easily - within a week of touching down in my city years ago. Same with drugs. However I no longer maintain such connections.

I do believe there should be a balance, prohibition pushes everything underground and makes it difficult for police to monitor however if you make everything too readily available it also becomes difficult to monitor and control.


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## RandomDude

tripad said:


> I wonder too
> 
> But the whole family were like regular simple folks who go to church n help out in church. Simple life.
> 
> My theory is they were overcome by greed, especially the fat sister in law, who initially idolise me n pin up my photo by her bedside. money became easy for them.
> 
> You know. The crazy attraction. Can't have what you have so I take.
> 
> Greed.


Christians...

EDIT: You don't want to know what I think of christians in Asia >.<


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> 
> I wonder too
> 
> But the whole family were like regular simple folks who go to church n help out in church. Simple life.
> 
> My theory is they were overcome by greed, especially the fat sister in law, who initially idolise me n pin up my photo by her bedside. money became easy for them.
> 
> You know. The crazy attraction. Can't have what you have so I take.
> 
> Greed.
> 
> 
> 
> Christians...
> 
> EDIT: You don't want to know what I think of christians in Asia >.<
Click to expand...

You can PM me on that. 

Despite what happened, I still believe there's a God. I've enough experiences compiled over my life to know God is real. That's why there are certain things I won't do, certain lines I won't cross. But I m not perfect either. 

Just that some people gave God a bad name. They will have karma knocking on their door.


----------



## *Deidre*

I don't like religious labels, even though I ''identify'' as a Christian, I just love Jesus, and think that labels get in the way of it all.


----------



## giddiot

*Deidre* said:


> I don't like religious labels, even though I ''identify'' as a Christian, I just love Jesus, and think that labels get in the way of it all.




That's good enough. I love Jesus also.


----------



## RandomDude

Meh anyway deadbeats are deadbeats.

Do you know what to watch out for now Tripad?


----------



## tripad

giddiot said:


> *Deidre* said:
> 
> 
> 
> I don't like religious labels, even though I ''identify'' as a Christian, I just love Jesus, and think that labels get in the way of it all.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That's good enough. I love Jesus also.
Click to expand...


Yup

?


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Meh anyway deadbeats are deadbeats.
> 
> Do you know what to watch out for now Tripad?


Younger n I thought I know. 

Divorced n I wondered how I got fooled.

I asked myself what to watch out for too. The same fire that burned me I know not to play with again. But I don't designed a human being so the next person coming along may have other flaws that may be damaging to relationship . I wonder what I need to look out for too. 

Meantime, I need to find a place or an activity where there r available men to look out for first!


----------



## ne9907

daddymikey1975 said:


> Here's a link to the rules on the ATF's website
> 
> Http;//www.atf.gov/firearms/identify-prohibited-persons
> 
> It seems as if the DUI convictions and violence on his record would disqualify him from buying at a shop.
> 
> However, without knowing what state you're in, I can't lookup the laws for purchasing from a private party.
> 
> In Indiana, where I live, there are very little restrictions on making a private party purchase.
> 
> If you'd like, I'd be happy to lookup what the state laws are for you as well.
> 
> There might not be much else you can do.
> 
> I hope this helps.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


Daddy, we live in CA

I have relaxed a lot. 
I am now in the phase of "expect the best, but prepare for the worst"


the gun shop owner did call me back yesterday. He was helpful but insisted that he cannot do anything to stop the gun sale, unless brother fails background check (I hope he does).

Later in the evening, I was on the phone with the hot guy, I told him about what the shop owner said. HG said to me "I am sorry, but if something does happen WE will make his life a living hell"

Normally, I would get freaked out about this. HG is being helpful and has already comforted me several times. I just felt weird he said "WE"...

The word WE, used in a way to imply relationship, scares me. This HG runs hot and cold plus he is not my ideal mate. He is a very nice person, he is hot as hell, he is beautiful to me yet I see all his flaws..... He also runs hot and cold.... being so lovey dovey one day, then not so much the next.

Anyway.... I shall continue to pray and send good positive energy my brother's way.


----------



## *Deidre*

I feel like I might be falling in love with this guy I've been seeing, but then it makes me wonder if it's all too soon to feel these things...I thought I was in love with my ex fiance, but if that were true love, I'd still be with him. Not going to say the words yet, even though he told me he has fallen in love with me. We've known each other for a few years as friends, so it's not like a brand new person telling you this but I know that once those words leave my mouth, I can't pull them back in. So, maybe wait to make sure my feelings are falling in love feelings, and not..infatuation or something. He's just so...easy to be around, and easy to trust. It's really nice.


----------



## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> I feel like I might be falling in love with this guy I've been seeing, but then it makes me wonder if it's all too soon to feel these things...I thought I was in love with my ex fiance, but if that were true love, I'd still be with him. Not going to say the words yet, even though he told me he has fallen in love with me. We've known each other for a few years as friends, so it's not like a brand new person telling you this but I know that once those words leave my mouth, I can't pull them back in. So, maybe wait to make sure my feelings are falling in love feelings, and not..infatuation or something. He's just so...easy to be around, and easy to trust. It's really nice.


Take your time and go at your own pace. It's not surprising that he's saying it first--he's not dealing with the same emotional baggage you are.

If it's for real for him, and if he really gets you, then he will be patient and wait for you to get there when it's right for you.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> Take your time and go at your own pace. It's not surprising that he's saying it first--he's not dealing with the same emotional baggage you are.
> 
> If it's for real for him, and if he really gets you, then he will be patient and wait for you to get there when it's right for you.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Thank you, this is awesome advice!!!


----------



## ne9907

*Deidre* said:


> I feel like I might be falling in love with this guy I've been seeing, but then it makes me wonder if it's all too soon to feel these things...I thought I was in love with my ex fiance, but if that were true love, I'd still be with him. Not going to say the words yet, even though he told me he has fallen in love with me. We've known each other for a few years as friends, so it's not like a brand new person telling you this but I know that once those words leave my mouth, I can't pull them back in. So, maybe wait to make sure my feelings are falling in love feelings, and not..infatuation or something. He's just so...easy to be around, and easy to trust. It's really nice.


So happy for you, as FiP mentioned, take your time. Love comes naturally, and if you are already feeling as if you are falling that is great.
Do not be afraid to say the "I love you"
loving people is a wonderful thing!


----------



## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> Daddy, we live in CA
> 
> I have relaxed a lot.
> I am now in the phase of "expect the best, but prepare for the worst"
> 
> 
> the gun shop owner did call me back yesterday. He was helpful but insisted that he cannot do anything to stop the gun sale, unless brother fails background check (I hope he does).
> 
> Later in the evening, I was on the phone with the hot guy, I told him about what the shop owner said. HG said to me "I am sorry, but if something does happen WE will make his life a living hell"
> 
> Normally, I would get freaked out about this. HG is being helpful and has already comforted me several times. I just felt weird he said "WE"...
> 
> The word WE, used in a way to imply relationship, scares me. This HG runs hot and cold plus he is not my ideal mate. He is a very nice person, he is hot as hell, he is beautiful to me yet I see all his flaws..... He also runs hot and cold.... being so lovey dovey one day, then not so much the next.
> 
> Anyway.... I shall continue to pray and send good positive energy my brother's way.


California gun laws are very strict. I doubt he'd pass a background check there. Also, guns aren't hard to come by "used" if one knows where to look. 

Keep your chin up. . Maybe things will work out for ya. 

Don't read too much into HG using the word "we"... Possibly he's just trying to be helpful. 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> Daddy, we live in CA
> 
> I have relaxed a lot.
> I am now in the phase of "expect the best, but prepare for the worst"
> 
> 
> the gun shop owner did call me back yesterday. He was helpful but insisted that he cannot do anything to stop the gun sale, unless brother fails background check (I hope he does).
> 
> Later in the evening, I was on the phone with the hot guy, I told him about what the shop owner said. HG said to me "I am sorry, but if something does happen WE will make his life a living hell"
> 
> Normally, I would get freaked out about this. HG is being helpful and has already comforted me several times. I just felt weird he said "WE"...
> 
> The word WE, used in a way to imply relationship, scares me. This HG runs hot and cold plus he is not my ideal mate. He is a very nice person, he is hot as hell, he is beautiful to me yet I see all his flaws..... He also runs hot and cold.... being so lovey dovey one day, then not so much the next.
> 
> Anyway.... I shall continue to pray and send good positive energy my brother's way.


I hope things work out with your brother.

Regarding the hot/cold hot guy ...don't dismiss your gut feeling on that. I've dated two guys like this before, hot and cold early on in the dating phase, and I came to learn they were doing this with not only me. Not saying this is your guy's deal, but I think that it's wise to pay attention to your gut feelings on this. When people go from saying 'we' to being cold the next day and distant...it's a red flag. I can't help but think that the distance is because they're busy not being distant with someone else, then that woman probably gets the cold side, when he's making his way back to you. Not saying this is happening, but it's what I remember happening when I too couldn't make sense of that hot/cold behavior...which I really loathe. lol 

My ex fiance had a little of that going on, and he was only seeing me, but made me wonder if he was just super moody, and that is what life with him would have been. The guy I'm seeing now, he's got every reason to be moody, he's a police officer, but he's so even keeled, and consistent. I'd rather have consistency, than dramatic highs and lows.

Just be cautious. And thank you for what you said above about love. That actually made me cry. lol I too have a hard time opening up, but I'm working on it.


----------



## RandomDude

Ex-wife used to call me a roller-coaster =/

It wasn't because I was trying to be mean, but I can't be all lovey dovey all the time, depends on the mood.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> Younger n I thought I know.
> 
> Divorced n I wondered how I got fooled.
> 
> I asked myself what to watch out for too. The same fire that burned me I know not to play with again. But I don't designed a human being so the next person coming along may have other flaws that may be damaging to relationship . I wonder what I need to look out for too.
> 
> Meantime, I need to find a place or an activity where there r available men to look out for first!


Well you have us now in case you want second opinions 

Ive kinda given up (again) finding someone, just bored now. I'm going dark on all my 'potentials'

Though... some I will keep as friends


----------



## *Deidre*

I'm not one to talk since I'm in a relationship, and recently was engaged to someone else lol But...if you are not into dating, don't force it...take some time to be on your own, and enjoy it. Might just need a mental and emotional break from it all, nothing wrong with that.


----------



## ne9907

daddymikey1975 said:


> California gun laws are very strict. I doubt he'd pass a background check there. Also, guns aren't hard to come by "used" if one knows where to look.
> 
> Keep your chin up. . Maybe things will work out for ya.
> 
> Don't read too much into HG using the word "we"... Possibly he's just trying to be helpful.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


I hope so. I hope he gets denied. I am much calmer now. 
Yes, he was possibly being helpful. He is a nice guy..... If it wasnt for the fact that he grows pot (legally) and uses it all the time.... I am judgemental because my brother uses it as well, and well... look at brother.

Hot guy has gotten into the habit of calling me. Not texting. Just calling me. At night, or in the middle of the day just to chat. I like that.



*Deidre* said:


> I hope things work out with your brother.
> 
> Regarding the hot/cold hot guy ...don't dismiss your gut feeling on that. I've dated two guys like this before, hot and cold early on in the dating phase, and I came to learn they were doing this with not only me. Not saying this is your guy's deal, but I think that it's wise to pay attention to your gut feelings on this. When people go from saying 'we' to being cold the next day and distant...it's a red flag. I can't help but think that the distance is because they're busy not being distant with someone else, then that woman probably gets the cold side, when he's making his way back to you. Not saying this is happening, but it's what I remember happening when I too couldn't make sense of that hot/cold behavior...which I really loathe. lol
> 
> My ex fiance had a little of that going on, and he was only seeing me, but made me wonder if he was just super moody, and that is what life with him would have been. The guy I'm seeing now, he's got every reason to be moody, he's a police officer, but he's so even keeled, and consistent. I'd rather have consistency, than dramatic highs and lows.
> 
> Just be cautious. And thank you for what you said above about love. That actually made me cry. lol I too have a hard time opening up, but I'm working on it.



Thank you Deidre. I hope things work out with brother as well.
I am not one to throw stones, I am also talking to several other men. Not sleeping with them. Just talking.
One of them, i am going to put him in the friendzone, he likes to thrown backhanded compliments my way. I called him out of that, and he said "oh, you are one of those" I replied with "Damn straight~ You better watch your mouth whan talking with me"
Not overly attracted to him anhyway.




RandomDude said:


> Ex-wife used to call me a roller-coaster =/
> 
> It wasn't because I was trying to be mean, but I can't be all lovey dovey all the time, depends on the mood.


hot and cold   PMS !~

I am mainly talking to other men because I do not want to invest all my emotions on the hot guy. He gets me confused many times. Texts "I miss you" "Always thinking of you"
But....... yeah.... he is kinda a loser in my eyes 
We haven't known each other for that long, less than a month, I understand he gets busy with life and I really do like that he actually calls me.

I do not want to fall in love with him at all...


----------



## vi_bride04

Took a spur of the moment trip up north to friends property. Instead of tubing I took my kayak. Was mainly by myself on the river but it was very empowering. People were surprised i was out there on my own. Met some really cool people, ended up going to party with them after. Had a good time.

The only thing that gets me though... Is.... If I was a guy, no one would have batted an eye being by myself. Does a confident, independent woman still shock people? I mean really, some of the comments were empowering but then it got me thinking that the general view of most was surprise/shock and "good for you" mentality. That doesn't feel quite so empowering...

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


----------



## Red Sonja

vi_bride04 said:


> The only thing that gets me though... Is.... If I was a guy, no one would have batted an eye being by myself. Does a confident, independent woman still shock people? I mean really, some of the comments were empowering but then it got me thinking that the general view of most was surprise/shock and "good for you" mentality. That doesn't feel quite so empowering...


This has been happening to me my entire life. For some reason it makes people uncomfortable that we don't fit their idea of normal and so they must give an opinion about it ... positive or negative.

It used to bother me when I was much younger, now not so much. Don't ever stop being exactly who you are.


----------



## TooNice

Hey gang. I haven't been around for a few days - was on vacation with some girlfriends. I think my out of town guy and I are done as quickly as we started.  

He wanted to have us both stop seeing other people and just focus on exploring us. I was hesitant at first, but after I saw him last weekend, I texted him and told him I was in. I had a great time with him, and thought we should try it. 

Aaaaand... he's been nearly dark since. He texted me some on Friday, but I haven't heard from him at all the rest of the weekend, and his communication style definitely shifted when I sent my note. 

Sigh... 

Guess I'm back out there. 

In the meantime, I had an amazing time with my (all married) friends and was able to provide great entertainment with my dating stories. 

Hope you are all doing well!


----------



## ne9907

@TooNice
He might have gotten a bit scared, or he is just an *******. Either way you are doing the right thing by not caring too much about what he is doing. 
I am always skeptical when a man wants to move in too quickly.

Last night up until 5 am today, I was fishing! I went night fishing with a man I met on OKC.

Not big sparks, he is a nice person, I had a great time, but nothing else!
We were on the river from 10pm until 5am!! 

The river was magical... just being on the boat, fishing, looking at the stars, making a million wishes (a lot of shooting stars) was amazing.

I was so happy! So deliriously happy... 

Throughtout most of the time I was there, the hot guy was texting me... saying things like "wish I was there" etc
Felt as if he was keeping tabs on me....

Today, he texted me at 4am, asking if I was home. I replied later than i made it home and haven't heard from him since...

Anyway. I am so beat. I hadn't pulled an all nighter since my college days


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> @TooNice
> He might have gotten a bit scared, or he is just an *******. Either way you are doing the right thing by not caring too much about what he is doing.
> 
> I was so happy! So deliriously happy...


Thanks, @ne9907. I'm reaching a point of just being sort of numb about the dating thing. I thought he might be different. Or at least have the decency to tell me that he changed his mind, or to talk through whatever miscommunication clearly took place. Times like this make me really appreciate the men who HAVE done that. I have never once felt badly when a man has e-mailed or texted to say he met someone else, or that he just didn't see us heading in the direction he was looking for. It makes me feel respected when a man takes the time to do that. Ghosting is just ****ty. 

It's fine, though. I said here that I had reservations, anyway. I was tabling them because I like him. Oh, well. 

I do have a date in the works with someone I have known for a long time. We used to work together many, many years ago, and he is in my friend circle with some of the girlfriends I was with over the weekend. Last summer, he and I had coffee (at the encouragement of said friends - lol) to catch up. It had been years since we had seen each other, but we are FB friends. We had dinner once, too, but again, as friends. I texted him over the weekend and asked if he'd like to have dinner together, and specified that it would be a date. 

He said yes, and we are scheduling now. He's a good human and smart and kind, and I'm glad he said yes. I know even if it doesn't work out, he won't go dark on me. 

And ne - I am so happy you had such a nice time night fishing. That sounds absolutely lovely!


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## tripad

Too nice

It's ok.

Look at this way. At least one date gone, and you have another in the line. I am already envying you. 

If i get a dinner with a guy I can have an adult conversation with, even if he doesn't like me, I would have appreciated the time n dinner. 

My time is all work n kids. To have a "me" time for a workout run with music plug in and I am already so thankful. Seriously. I need to re plan my schedule to go on the "prowl". ?


----------



## ne9907

I am having a breakthrough of some sorts

The hot guy is such a bad boy but also a nice man (?) We had a small disagreement yesterday. I actually behaved very cold towards him. He was calm, asked questions, gave his responses and we moved on.... 
He is human, like me, we all make errors in judgement. We have our lives. I completely understands he is busy, I believe him. 

I think we might be in a non relationship relationship... 

He realized I had unfriended him from FB. Asked why... I told him the truth: I became obsessed with him and wanted to check out his every day move, so I removed the temptation because I do not want to be the sort of person who obsesses over social media 

He understood my reasoning (???) and added that is probably how he felt jealous when I went fishing the other night.

Anyway... Busy day today


----------



## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> I am having a breakthrough of some sorts
> 
> The hot guy is such a bad boy but also a nice man (?)


I'm curious what makes a guy a bad boy, why it's so attractive for women, and how can someone be a bad boy and a nice man all at once? (totally not knocking ya, I'm genuinely curious) .  


Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

daddymikey1975 said:


> I'm curious what makes a guy a bad boy, why it's so attractive for women, and how can someone be a bad boy and a nice man all at once? (totally not knocking ya, I'm genuinely curious) .
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


I am as lost as you are. A bad boy is pretty much a loser (my opinion) 
This hot guy is: 
1. Has 3 children by 3 different baby mama's. Never married to them, all were accidents.
2. Smokes a LOT of weed. Grows his own crop
3. Has attachment issues... A LOT

What makes him nice? 
he listens to me ***** about my day (when I need to), he is encouraging me to do well, he offers sound advice on some day to day activities. He does not dismiss my emotional outburst (yesterday was the first time actually), but asks questions to find a solution. 
He tells me about his day and how he is feeling as well. He has not shared a lot of information about his family yet nor friends.

I do not know, he is just a nice person to hang out with who just happens to have a different lifestyle than mine....Total opposites!


----------



## TooNice

tripad said:


> Too nice
> 
> It's ok.
> 
> Look at this way. At least one date gone, and you have another in the line. I am already envying you.
> 
> If i get a dinner with a guy I can have an adult conversation with, even if he doesn't like me, I would have appreciated the time n dinner.
> 
> My time is all work n kids. To have a "me" time for a workout run with music plug in and I am already so thankful. Seriously. I need to re plan my schedule to go on the "prowl". ?


They say the grass is always greener, Tripad. 

I tend to be a little envious of women who are moms who get to focus on their kids. I was thrust into this the exact time my son went off to college, so I went from a bustling household of four to just me. I'm certain that it put me into dating much faster than I would have, because it's been another way to keep myself busy. Just take care of you and make time for yourself, doing whatever you need to do for YOU. Your kids will see you doing that and respect it.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I am as lost as you are. A bad boy is pretty much a loser (my opinion)
> This hot guy is:
> 1. Has 3 children by 3 different baby mama's. Never married to them, all were accidents.
> 2. Smokes a LOT of weed. Grows his own crop
> 3. Has attachment issues... A LOT
> 
> What makes him nice?
> he listens to me ***** about my day (when I need to), he is encouraging me to do well, he offers sound advice on some day to day activities. He does not dismiss my emotional outburst (yesterday was the first time actually), but asks questions to find a solution.
> He tells me about his day and how he is feeling as well. He has not shared a lot of information about his family yet nor friends.
> 
> I do not know, he is just a nice person to hang out with who just happens to have a different lifestyle than mine....Total opposites!


Seems to me if he is kind and listens well, the other stuff is relative. Are his kids old enough that he's outgrown a lifestyle that would lead to that happening again? Is he safe about his pot use - ie, not operating heavy machinery, etc.? And attachment issues... well... that sounds like a normal and reasonable issue given what I have seen with dating. :laugh:

In all seriousness, it doesn't sound to me like the differences are enough to stop you from seeing him, so why not roll with it?


----------



## TooNice

So, I was going to leave out of town guy alone. I even restarted Tinder. But I am a person who needs closure, to an embarrassing degree sometimes. So, last night I texted him. I said I felt we must have had a miscommunication somewhere along the way, but I thanked him for showing me there were still decent guys out there. (I still believe he is a good guy, and I am grateful for feeling like he gave me some hope.)

He replied that he was giving me space while I was on vacation, and that he'd just been out of his phone range himself for a few days. I'm torn between feeling silly and still thinking something is up. He was texting me many times a day prior to all of this - using terms of endearment, saying good morning every day. That stopped abruptly and has not resumed. It still doesn't feel right. He did thank me as well, telling me how nice it was to meet a woman without an agenda. I haven't broken off our plans for this weekend, so I'm going to let my spidey-sense keep tingling, but see what happens. 

But I am still scheduling my date for next week with my old friend. I'm just not sure enough about out of town guy. :-/


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Seems to me if he is kind and listens well, the other stuff is relative. Are his kids old enough that he's outgrown a lifestyle that would lead to that happening again? Is he safe about his pot use - ie, not operating heavy machinery, etc.? And attachment issues... well... that sounds like a normal and reasonable issue given what I have seen with dating. :laugh:
> 
> In all seriousness, it doesn't sound to me like the differences are enough to stop you from seeing him, so why not roll with it?


I do not question his pot use, as long as he doesn't do it around me, I am okay. 

His kids range from 14 to 5 years old. I am rolling with the fun. He is awesome in bed, and yes, I feel as if he will find . I could not give my heart to him because he is also 7 years younger. I have stopped worrying about the future. I am just going to enjoy our time together.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> So, I was going to leave out of town guy alone. I even restarted Tinder. But I am a person who needs closure, to an embarrassing degree sometimes. So, last night I texted him. I said I felt we must have had a miscommunication somewhere along the way, but I thanked him for showing me there were still decent guys out there. (I still believe he is a good guy, and I am grateful for feeling like he gave me some hope.)
> 
> He replied that he was giving me space while I was on vacation, and that he'd just been out of his phone range himself for a few days. I'm torn between feeling silly and still thinking something is up. He was texting me many times a day prior to all of this - using terms of endearment, saying good morning every day. That stopped abruptly and has not resumed. It still doesn't feel right. He did thank me as well, telling me how nice it was to meet a woman without an agenda. I haven't broken off our plans for this weekend, so I'm going to let my spidey-sense keep tingling, but see what happens.
> 
> But I am still scheduling my date for next week with my old friend. I'm just not sure enough about out of town guy. :-/


he knows where you stand. Let him pursue you next. 
Yes, keep your plans with your friend


----------



## RandomDude

Was just talking to mate in regards to how much dating has changed... anyone remember the days before the internet? Hell I still remember crushes that lasts for years, folding love letters, spraying them with perfume, writing down your feelings with your own handwriting... and now it's like online shopping. We also joked that nowadays, women would either hate it or love it, and if they hate it - the old school way that is, and it's cause we would be consider weird, strange, and even freaky! lol

What even defines as romance for today's generation?


----------



## bkyln309

HI all. Sorry I have been missing in action. My kids were with me for 3 weeks straight including a family vacation. 

I am still seeing the older man but we did have a talk about ending the relationship which he wants to work on. I think we are on the road to non-monogamy honestly.

I did meet two nice men (not online). It made me realize I need to log off from the dating sites for awhile and just enjoy life. They seem to find me!!! Not sure either one is going anywhere but it made me aware to just go do life and the good ones will find you.


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## bkyln309

Romance what's that ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## vi_bride04

bkyln309 said:


> I did meet two nice men (not online). It made me realize I need to log off from the dating sites for awhile and just enjoy life. They seem to find me!!! Not sure either one is going anywhere but it made me aware to just go do life and the good ones will find you.


Yup, that's the realization I had when I went down the river by myself last weekend.

I have uninstalled all my dating apps, deleting my profiles and everything. It was getting so annoying and boring dealing with guys who really don't want to get to know me at all. Also meeting in person is way better to know if you are attracted to them or not right off the bat.


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## vi_bride04

bkyln309 said:


> Romance what's that ?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I truly believe romance has died now adays. The constant barrage of choices and easier lays have taken away the work someone needs to put in to find someone.

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre*

Romance is out there...it sometimes comes around when you least expect it.


----------



## tripad

Romance? 

Let's see. It seems I am on an island with " complete families " only. 


Need to jump island.


----------



## tripad

Saw pic of ex looking stressed n like shìt. 

Why do I feel like shìt?


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> Yup, that's the realization I had when I went down the river by myself last weekend.
> 
> I have uninstalled all my dating apps, deleting my profiles and everything. It was getting so annoying and boring dealing with guys who really don't want to get to know me at all. Also meeting in person is way better to know if you are attracted to them or not right off the bat.


I deleted all my OLD profiles/apps last January, and maybe 2 months later I met Real Estate? I was glad to be rid of them--all I was finding was guys looking for a quick hook-up.

I wasn't really looking when Real Estate found me, and I wasn't really interested in him the first time we met--I thought we might be friends, but not much else. It wasn't until he took me out that I realized there might be something there.

I tell you what, I'd rather be alone that deal with OLD again. It was too frustrating. If Real Estate and I don't work out, I'm not planning on jumping in again too soon, I'm just going to focus on myself and doing my own thing.

Actually, I'm going to do that WHILE Real Estate and I are doing our thing. No reason I can't do both at the same time. I need to maintain my independence and not get too attached yet, until he figures out what he wants. He's still working his sh!t out.

So, last week I quit smoking. Next week, I start eating better and going back to the gym. 

I'm planning a trip to Cancun (or perhaps another part of Mexico) over Thanksgiving, and I'd like to lose a little bit of weight to fit into this bathing suit I have but have never worn.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> The constant barrage of choices and easier lays have taken away the work someone needs to put in to find someone.


I could not agree more.


----------



## *Deidre*

So, I'm really happy in this new relationship. It's not that 'new' anymore, we've been seeing each other for about two months, now. Last night, something happened, and I didn't get angry, but he could sense that I was disappointed. He said right away ''I'm sorry, please forgive me, it wasn't right that I said that.' He can be slightly jealous, and he said something that he regretted. It's rare that I've had a guy just right away own his behavior, and sincerely apologize. There's usually a quiet time, then silent treatment, then no acknowledgment of the wrong doing. This is what a relationship should be like 

Happy weekend to you all, here!


----------



## *Deidre*

tripad said:


> Saw pic of ex looking stressed n like shìt.
> 
> Why do I feel like shìt?


Do you still have feelings for him?


----------



## tripad

Anger with what he did .

Pity for him serving his karma n realising he had lost his wife n children. 

Pity him as he regrets his actions for whatever reasons. 

Fear when he is sinking into debt n jobless. Desperate people do desperate things and he has my children with him Saturdays. 

Glad when he just got a job. So i dont need to worry now when my kids are with him. 

Love, no. But that doesn't mean I want him fried. 

Regret that he had never loved the family. N has sacrificed us so cheaply .


----------



## hope4family

tripad said:


> Anger with what he did .
> 
> Pity for him serving his karma n realising he had lost his wife n children.
> 
> Pity him as he regrets his actions for whatever reasons.
> 
> Fear when he is sinking into debt n jobless. Desperate people do desperate things and he has my children with him Saturdays.
> 
> Glad when he just got a job. So i dont need to worry now when my kids are with him.
> 
> Love, no. But that doesn't mean I want him fried.
> 
> Regret that he had never loved the family. N has sacrificed us so cheaply .


Irony. Reading something I could have wrote. Except insert she wherever is a "he".


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Was just talking to mate in regards to how much dating has changed... anyone remember the days before the internet? Hell I still remember crushes that lasts for years, folding love letters, spraying them with perfume, writing down your feelings with your own handwriting... and now it's like online shopping. We also joked that nowadays, women would either hate it or love it, and if they hate it - the old school way that is, and it's cause we would be consider weird, strange, and even freaky! lol
> 
> What even defines as romance for today's generation?


I am going to write a letter!!!

But first, I shall find someone who I deeply love.

Things with hot guy are fine. We still haven't seen each other!! FFS!!! sooooooooooooo....... I visited a friend of mine and we had some very great sex on Friday. 
After I drove to out of town for some training.

On Saturday I was totally exhausted, I always get cranky, sad, and irrational when sleep deprived. HG and I were talking and I mentioned my boss who is always texting me, calling, etc....

HG got jealous, he said something along the lines of "must be nice being miss popular!" 
Then he again brought up the night I went fishing with the guy.

I know his game. He is emotionally unattached. He likes to call/text as if we were in a relationship because of the ego boost. However, he hasn't made plans to see me and neither am I.

On a twisted way, we are so perfect for each other haha!!! I have been busy and I know he has as well. 

I enjoy the calling/texting but eventually would like to see him in person!!


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> Saw pic of ex looking stressed n like shìt.
> 
> Why do I feel like shìt?


Co dependency.


----------



## *Deidre*

tripad said:


> Anger with what he did .
> 
> Pity for him serving his karma n realising he had lost his wife n children.
> 
> Pity him as he regrets his actions for whatever reasons.
> 
> Fear when he is sinking into debt n jobless. Desperate people do desperate things and he has my children with him Saturdays.
> 
> Glad when he just got a job. So i dont need to worry now when my kids are with him.
> 
> Love, no. But that doesn't mean I want him fried.
> 
> Regret that he had never loved the family. N has sacrificed us so cheaply .


You seem to have a good heart, tripad. Prayers that you are feeling better about it all, soon. ((hugs))


----------



## ne9907

I forgot to update you all on my brother. He did not get the gun. He was upset. Unsure how or why he did not get, however he was upset with me. He blocked me from FB.

Then a couple of days later, he admitted to me he wasn't getting the gun unless someone else got it for him. He actually asked me if I could get the gun for him. I said no. 

He is still upset with me. I do not care. Of course, I am hurt but I simply do not care.


----------



## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> I forgot to update you all on my brother. He did not get the gun. He was upset. Unsure how or why he did not get, however he was upset with me. He blocked me from FB.
> 
> Then a couple of days later, he admitted to me he wasn't getting the gun unless someone else got it for him. He actually asked me if I could get the gun for him. I said no.
> 
> He is still upset with me. I do not care. Of course, I am hurt but I simply do not care.


Glad to hear he didn't make the purchase. 

Having someone else buy it for him is a straw purchase and is highly illegal. 

Prayers for both of you. 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I forgot to update you all on my brother. He did not get the gun. He was upset. Unsure how or why he did not get, however he was upset with me. He blocked me from FB.
> 
> Then a couple of days later, he admitted to me he wasn't getting the gun unless someone else got it for him. He actually asked me if I could get the gun for him. I said no.
> 
> He is still upset with me. I do not care. Of course, I am hurt but I simply do not care.


I am very glad to hear that the gun purchase wasn't successful. I hope that knowing that he cannot purchase his own gun would open his eyes to the fact that he should NOT have a gun... but of course it doesn't.

I'm sorry to hear that he is shutting you out because of this. A healthy individual, in a healthy sibling relationship, wouldn't do such a thing. I'm proud of you for sticking to your boundaries.


----------



## ne9907

Thank you~!


I am sabotaging my own love life. I seek out people who are NOT good long term material for me because ending things will be easier. I believe I've said that before....

I've been growing attached to the hot guy, so what do I do? I go out on dates with other men. I went out on a date last night with a seemingly charming man. I enjoyed the evening, but felt awful and told the hot guy.

His response was "whatever, glad you had fun" then went on to ask who the guy was.

I need to re-evaluate because I am currently fooling myself thinking all I want hot guy is for hot sex. Not true. I like him very much and care already.

He is not the relationship material. I cannot align myself with someone who is high all the time!!

Things will end soon. I shall end them!!! (humor helps me lol)


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> Thank you~!
> 
> 
> I am sabotaging my own love life. I seek out people who are NOT good long term material for me because ending things will be easier. I believe I've said that before....
> 
> I've been growing attached to the hot guy, so what do I do? I go out on dates with other men. I went out on a date last night with a seemingly charming man. I enjoyed the evening, but felt awful and told the hot guy.
> 
> His response was "whatever, glad you had fun" then went on to ask who the guy was.
> 
> I need to re-evaluate because I am currently fooling myself thinking all I want hot guy is for hot sex. Not true. I like him very much and care already.
> 
> He is not the relationship material. I cannot align myself with someone who is high all the time!!
> 
> Things will end soon. I shall end them!!! (humor helps me lol)


Maybe you like hot guy because he is safe. He isn't relationship material, you say...and so, you can't get hurt that way.


----------



## ne9907

*Deidre* said:


> Maybe you like hot guy because he is safe. He isn't relationship material, you say...and so, you can't get hurt that way.


haha.... that is the fallacy I make!!!

I am so into him, like seriously.... Every time we are together is so much fun, and happy. Just happy. He is such a smooth talker, charming, nice, yet dominant in bed. I am simply happy when I am with him. I am happy when he calls, I am happy when he texts..... haha... look at me!! I am so into him. 

Shall I ride the happiness train until it crashes or avoid the crash and get off??


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> haha.... that is the fallacy I make!!!
> 
> I am so into him, like seriously.... Every time we are together is so much fun, and happy. Just happy. He is such a smooth talker, charming, nice, yet dominant in bed. I am simply happy when I am with him. I am happy when he calls, I am happy when he texts..... haha... look at me!! I am so into him.
> 
> Shall I ride the happiness train until it crashes or avoid the crash and get off??


Where can it honestly go if he's a drug addict? Just being real. I couldn't date a drug addict, no matter how hot he was.  There are hot guys out there who have their acts together, just sayin. You don't need to settle.


----------



## ne9907

*Deidre* said:


> Where can it honestly go if he's a drug addict? .


NOwhere. That is the real truth 

I shall jump off this train before I get so much more deeper into him.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> NOwhere. That is the real truth
> 
> I shall jump off this train before I get so much more deeper into him.


YES. And I will repeat the same advice I give you over and over...STAY AWAY FROM MEN for a while!


----------



## ne9907

3Xnocharm said:


> YES. And I will repeat the same advice I give you over and over...STAY AWAY FROM MEN for a while!


haha... I love you 3X

You know, I haven't had a day off in about 3 weeks?? Exhaustion is rearing its head. I am so cranky, happy, irrational, demanding, and all other emotions!! I am exhausted!


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> NOwhere. That is the real truth
> 
> I shall jump off this train before I get so much more deeper into him.


That's the thing, if you could tell yourself that this is just a fling, then okay, but it sounds like you're into him, and while he might be fun, and all...he's irresponsible, and a drug addict. That cannot end well. lol Nothing wrong with testing the waters, but don't end up knee deep into a relationship with someone who really sounds limited in terms of what he can give to you. ((hugs))


----------



## moxy

Hi, everyone. I was away for a while, but thought I'd drop by, here. Life is busy and full of stress, these days. Good things are happening for my art, but my job is driving me crazy. I took a long break from dating. And, I traveled a bit.  Thinking about moving again because my nomadic spirit is tired of the ordinary, but...I don't know what I really want yet.

Anyone watching a great tv series or reading something worth recommending?


----------



## bkyln309

Nothing to report here. Life is boring !!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

Hey Guys, 

It's been a long time. I'm finally divorced!!! It became official June 23rd. 

Hope you are all doing ok. Looking forward to hearing from all of ya. I know I probably missed a ton. 

Thinking of doing on line dating. I will start with Tinder since it seems to be the most popular. OK Cupid? 

Any tips/advice would be appreciated. 

Match?

Moxy, 

I'm watching Outlander and Power right now. Both great shows but very different. 

Reading Jab, Jab, Right Hook by Gary Vaynerchuck. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## Acoa

Lifescript said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> 
> Thinking of doing on line dating. I will start with Tinder since it seems to be the most popular. OK Cupid?
> 
> Any tips/advice would be appreciated.
> 
> Match?


Tinder is mainly straight up hook ups for sex. Lots of game players and cheaters. Can be fun, but chances for a quality date are low (but I will say nothing is impossible). 

OK Cupid is free, but you still have a lot of spam/scammers to contend but quality dates can be found if you have the determination to vet the women you reach out to.

I had great luck on match. Lots of dates, most were fun. Met my current GF through Match and we have been together 15 months now. Some scammers, but they are easy to spot and get reported and shut down reasonable fast. Very respectful of stopping emails when I unsubscribed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> It's been a long time. I'm finally divorced!!! It became official June 23rd.
> 
> Hope you are all doing ok. Looking forward to hearing from all of ya. I know I probably missed a ton.
> 
> Thinking of doing on line dating. I will start with Tinder since it seems to be the most popular. OK Cupid?
> 
> Any tips/advice would be appreciated.
> 
> Match?
> 
> Moxy,
> 
> I'm watching Outlander and Power right now. Both great shows but very different.
> 
> Reading Jab, Jab, Right Hook by Gary Vaynerchuck.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Yay, congrats on being finalized!

I found OLD to be a huge lifesuck after a while. Hopefully you have a better time with it.


----------



## Lifescript

Acoa said:


> Tinder is mainly straight up hook ups for sex. Lots of game players and cheaters. Can be fun, but chances for a quality date are low (but I will say nothing is impossible).
> 
> OK Cupid is free, but you still have a lot of spam/scammers to contend but quality dates can be found if you have the determination to vet the women you reach out to.
> 
> I had great luck on match. Lots of dates, most were fun. Met my current GF through Match and we have been together 15 months now. Some scammers, but they are easy to spot and get reported and shut down reasonable fast. Very respectful of stopping emails when I unsubscribed.


Thanks. 

Seems like Tinder is the most popular dating app. Ive seem Happ'n advertised in my city. The app connects you with people you have crossed paths with. 

So in my situation long term goal is to find a partner to have a family with. 

But also not looking to get serious right off the bat. Id like to date some. Something I didnt do premarriage. I married too young. 

I'll give Tinder and Match a try. 

My ex boss found her husband on match. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> Yay, congrats on being finalized!
> 
> I found OLD to be a huge lifesuck after a while. Hopefully you have a better time with it.


How so? Too time consuming? I know women get bombarded with messages. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## bkyln309

I found the best luck on OKC. Though my current guy is my one and only match connection . 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## TooNice

I think you'll find everyone's answers to be varied. I've had some great Tinder dates. (Just got home from one!) OkC wasn't horrible, but I think it's easy to saturate the market. And there are lots of scammers and weirdos there. I had zero luck with Match and considered it a huge waste of money. One date. One.

I've recently been using Bumble, and like it. The quality of men in my area seems to be much better. And no creepy fishing messages-if you match with someone, the woman then has to initiate conversation if she chooses to move forward. I've got a couple of guys I'm talking to there who seem quite datable!

Bottom line is that you should be patient, and don't expect your soul mate to pop right up. There's a lot of sifting-lol!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> I found the best luck on OKC. Though my current guy is my one and only match connection .
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thanks.

Is this guy OM or someone new?

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> I think you'll find everyone's answers to be varied. I've had some great Tinder dates. (Just got home from one!) OkC wasn't horrible, but I think it's easy to saturate the market. And there are lots of scammers and weirdos there. I had zero luck with Match and considered it a huge waste of money. One date. One.
> 
> I've recently been using Bumble, and like it. The quality of men in my area seems to be much better. And no creepy fishing messages-if you match with someone, the woman then has to initiate conversation if she chooses to move forward. I've got a couple of guys I'm talking to there who seem quite datable!
> 
> Bottom line is that you should be patient, and don't expect your soul mate to pop right up. There's a lot of sifting-lol!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I'll try the free sites first and then try my luck with Match.

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Thanks.
> 
> Is this guy OM or someone new?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




Still the OM though our relationship is dwindling. 

Honestly in my area, both Match and OKC have the same guys


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Still the OM though our relationship is dwindling.
> 
> Honestly in my area, both Match and OKC have the same guys
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I hate to say this, but I'm kind of glad. I think you deserve better, and you've been settling for him.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> I hate to say this, but I'm kind of glad. I think you deserve better, and you've been settling for him.




U and everyone else in my life. I'm the type that has a hard time letting go. But the writing has been on the wall for a long time. I'm almost ready to move on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

Hey FIP, 

How are things?

Bklyn,

You guys have been together for close to 2 years no? Its always hard letting go. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Hey FIP,
> 
> How are things?
> 
> Bklyn,
> 
> You guys have been together for close to 2 years no? Its always hard letting go.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




It will be two years in March. But he is planning on relocating.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

Well i have no luck with date sites . Gave up . Then this guy who texted long ago who professes i am the perfect wife after a few text n who later went MIA , texted me out of the blue . After a couple of "how are you my dear" text , MIA again . 

I cant stand terms of endearment that carries no weight and that is empty . It shows up soon enough that they are just that . 

Anyway , on my weekly trip to the library , saw another dad with his kids threw me a couple of glances . No moves . Sigh .


----------



## ne9907

@tripad don't give up!! Love is out there and LOVE is beautiful!

I am still waiting for the universe to drop a gorgeous man at my doorsteps 

I broke things off with the hot guy. No big deal. Told him we were done he said okay. This was on Monday.
Yesterday and this morning, he has texted saying he is sad things ended and has wished me good morning.

I did not reply and not planning on replying. If he was missing me at all, he SHOULD pick up the phone ... then again... what is the point? I do not agree with his lifestyle.

I also broke things off with my occasional sex partner. We have known each other for over two years. Every time either one of us is not in a relationship, we get together and have sex. I find he is my safety blanket. I am cutting all ties with him. ALL. 

Furthermore, I also sent a text to a few men I have gone out on dates and still keep in touch. I simply told them I am not interested in pursuing any emotional/sexual relationship with them. I am cutting all ties with men.

I am the type of woman who always needed her satellites. I have always different men to satisfy different needs. i.e. one for sex, one for laughs, one for emotional support, one for deep conversations... and so forth. 

Not anymore. I am working towards becoming emotionally independent, which is a very difficult process. I have gone since Monday without contacting/replying my various "men"

I am doing great!!!

oh the hot guy is the most difficult to resist haha.... I will not block him yet. He is just a player and wants to **** w my emotions..... Like seriously???!!! 
Why would you text me that you are sad because we no longer talk??? Why would you?? 

Anyway... Smile you all~


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, not everyone gets lucky. I've given up too... sort of. No longer initiating or looking. However, annoyingly, it has not stopped the women from visiting and messaging me, and now I'm stuck in a place where I don't want to give them my numbers or facebook, yet I still like them as casual chatbuddies, so I keep them on the online app, only to have more and more women come in and message me while I'm there >.<

So much for quitting...

Well hopefully eventually my contact count will drop to zero, and I can finally close the book on my love life. Reading the epilogue now.


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Hey FIP,
> 
> How are things?
> 
> Bklyn,
> 
> You guys have been together for close to 2 years no? Its always hard letting go.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Hey there, LS. It has occurred to me that I haven't provided an update in quite a while, and I suppose inquiring minds want to know?

My last update, which was almost a month ago (posted on 7/20), was rather vague:



FeministInPink said:


> So, Real Estate and I have come together and we have made up. We're still negotiating, so to speak. It's an ongoing process for both of us, but I think we're in a good place.
> @tripad -- I hear what you're saying, and I'm not trying to fix him.He has to do that himself. And he's working through a lot of stuff.
> 
> I'm patient, and I think he's worth waiting it out. He's very giving, and he has a lot of love to give. I'm only getting some of it right now, and I feel like my cup runneth over already.


So, for more context on the previous post: we were only just barely on speaking terms, and I didn't know what was going on in his head, when he texts me on July 16 and asks me if I want to go with him and a mutual friend to one of the clubs that evening. After some deliberation--and establishing that there are no expectations regarding what will happen that evening--I agree. He picks me up first, and on the way to pick up our mutual friend, we get into a small car accident; he isn't hurt, but the car is totaled and I'm a little banged up. And he is FREAKED OUT that he could have hurt me. He doesn't give a sh!t about himself, or the car... just me, and making sure I am OK.

So plans for the evening are scrapped, and we go back to hang out at his place for the evening. And he's making me ice packs and practically waiting on me hand and foot (when I let him, anyway), trying to take care of me... meanwhile, he occasionally has a few freak-out moments of his own, and I do my best to take care of him in those moments... but we also had a really nice night, and one thing led to another...

The intervening weeks have been good. There's been a fair amount, on both our parts, of testing the waters. I'm trying not to text and call too much, because I'm an over-communicator, but I'm learning that he doesn't like excessive texting not because it's excessive communication--he doesn't like it because it's TEXTING, and he would prefer that I call instead. I went with my family to the beach for the first week of August, which was very stressful for me (for a number of reasons), and so I called and spoke with him several times during the week, and we conversed over text every day. I thought maybe I was being a little needy, but he was always happy to hear from me, and was never in a rush to end our phone calls. I went out on a limb towards the end of the week and told him via text that I missed him; he didn't necessarily respond in kind, but he made it clear that he was looking forward to my return, and wanted to see me as soon as I got home. 

We've been slowly easing into spending more time together, but we may have overdone it since I came home from the beach. The insurance company would only pay for two weeks on his rental car, but his new car was being shipped and would take longer than that to be delivered. So, the day before I got home, he returned his rental and the plan was that he was going to borrow my car when he had appointments, etc.  But if he had my car indefinitely, that would leave ME without a car... so the end result was that I stayed at his place for 9 days (I finally slept at my own place two nights ago), following my return from the beach. In the morning, he would get up with me and drive me to the Metro (subway) so I could get to work, and he would pick me up after work... then he would say, Could I borrow your car tomorrow? I need to do XYZ, and we would drive over to my place so I could get a change of clothes for the next day. After three days of that, I was like, This is ridiculous. Should I just pack clothes for the rest of the week?

We were able to go pick up his new car on Thursday night, but he wanted me to stay over on Thursday anyway... and then it was the weekend, so of course I stayed over Friday and Saturday night. And then I stayed over Monday because I had a late start Monday morning and was driving to work anyway...

It's been an interesting experiment. This is the most time we've ever spent together, even though I've been going to work every day, and we settled into a little bit of a domestic routine. He's delighted to discover that I'm a good cook. We had a little tiff or two over the 9 days, but we're learning how to better understand one another, and he's become much more aware of how his temper flare-ups can affect me. We did have a moment on Monday morning, which was somewhat similar to what happened at camp, the incident that triggered the whole BIG FIGHT and me running away and everything that followed. We both handled it much better on Monday morning than we did at camp, especially him--he handled it much, MUCH better than he did at camp. 

Honestly, I'm kind of amazed by how he listens and files things away and remembers, and does better and aims to make me happy. I'm not saying this well at all. He took our previous fight, and all the conversations that we had about it, and the feedback I gave him, and he actually applied it to this time. He didn't do it perfectly, but he's learning and he's clearly making a concerted effort towards being a better partner for me, and learning how to best care for me. I'm blown away. I've never had a man put this much effort into me. He's actively trying to grow and to change behaviors/reactions that he knows are bad for us (which either he's identified, or I've pointed out). I've not tried to change him, or told him, change this or I'm out--I've just established my boundaries and made it clear what I will and won't accept. He is making the choice to make changes on his own, and that is saying a lot to me. 

He still won't admit that this is a relationship, or that I'm his girlfriend, but that's mattering less and less. Over those 9 days, we also had some vulnerable, emotionally intimate moments, too. I've been having a really difficult time at work lately, and he's been incredibly supportive. It's been a long time since I've had someone that I can lean on, just for that emotional support--I don't normally cry in front of other people, it's a really personal thing. He had a few moments of his own during the week, as well, which is a BFD for him--he's going through some sh!t of his own right now, which he's not as willing to talk about, but he's starting to open up a little more. His dog, Petunia, is a French bulldog, and she just had her 12th birthday last week--and the average life span of a French bulldog is 12 years. She's been his best friend for a long time, and he's having a hard time dealing with her mortality, and knowing that she's going to pass sometime in the not too distant future. So there's that, and there's some family drama stress, as well as dealing with the car accident. So he's dealing with quite a bit, even if he's not really talking about it--or talking about it, but not letting his stress show.

He's uncertain, because he thinks he should have butterflies, like puppy-love butterflies. He knows (and has said as much) that he thinks I'm attractive, and that I make him horny, and that he loves spending time with me, and we have fun and great conversation, and that we connect on a multitude of levels. But he says (or said, this was a month ago that he said this) that he doesn't feel butterflies, so it can't be anything more than casual. But I made the argument that not having butterflies in the early stages is actually a good thing, and that real, LASTING love grows over time, and comes from shared experiences and gradual increase in emotional intimacy. I wasn't sure at the time if he was actually listening to me, because while we were having this converation, we were spooning and he was simultaneously trying to get Petunia to lick my boobs (I didn't realize it until the end of the conversation). (She will lick faces, legs, and arms, etc. to get the salt residue from sweat. I don't know why. It's just something she does.) But given that I've since learned: 1) he was previously listening very closely in moments when I thought he wasn't, and 2) he's an auditory and visual learner; I'm fairly certain that he WAS listening in that moment and is seriously considering my argument.

I can feel his uncertainty waning; over time, he has more and more "slips." He has been using the proverbial "we" more frequently, not just with me, but in front of/when speaking to others. On more than one occasion, he has made reference to us being a couple. The other night, he said to Petunia, perhaps when he thought I couldn't hear, "Why do you keep running back to your mom (referring to me) every time I want to play with you?"

And it's clear that we both see this continuing for, at least, the immediate future. We're planning a return trip to kinky camp at the end of August (they host camp twice every summer), and we're planning a trip to Cancun over Thanksgiving as well. (He's thinking further in the future, though, because when he agreed to the Cancun trip, he thought I was talking about going after Christmas.)

So... the prognosis is good, I think. I'm not going to push him on labels or making a statement about our "relationship" for the time being. I had originally told him, during our Thursday deep talk during our break, that when I told him (before kinky camp) that I was interested in pursuing something more than casual, I had intended on giving him plenty of time to think about it and to decide what he wanted. That (before kinky camp) was in late June--I was prepared to give him another three months, until the end of September, to think about it. That's a lot of time. He still has another 6 weeks, and that's if I hold to the "original deadline." Honestly, I don't think I need to. I think he'll make it "official" before that, but even if he doesn't, I'm not worried. It's obvious to me how he feels about me. And I considered that I might be reading too much into things, but he came with me to brunch with some of my friends this past Sunday, and one of my friends (who hadn't met him before) commented to me in the bathroom that he was clearly crazy about me, that it was obvious.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> *His dog, Petunia, is a French bulldog*, and she just had her 12th birthday last week--and the average life span of a French bulldog is 12 years....
> 
> ... I wasn't sure at the time if he was actually listening to me, because while we were having this converation, *we were spooning and he was simultaneously trying to get Petunia to lick my boobs *(I didn't realize it until the end of the conversation). (She will lick faces, legs, and arms, etc. to get the salt residue from sweat. I don't know why. It's just something she does.)


:|


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## moxy

Congrats, lifescript! I hope to be able to say the same thing, soon. My divorce has lasted exponentially longer than my marriage did. 

Outlander? Hmm. I'll look it up.

I have met people on both Tinder and OKC, but...they tend to be pushy and demanding. Maybe I've had bad luck. I meet a lot of guys that act like I owe them something. 

I met someone I thought was nice, a couple of years ago. Instead of being nice and having a conversation, he started sending d pix. I wasn't pleased. I told him I wasn't really available anymore. Two years, now, and he's been texting me and getting upset that I came to town and didn't even call. I have never met him in person, even. I'm trying to be nice, but...it bothers me that he thinks I owe him something.


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## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> :|


He can be a little bit of a goof sometimes.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Lifescript

FIP, 

Sounds good to me. If he didnt like you, were seeing you as more than a short term fling or didnt see you as gf material he wouldnt be spending so much time with you. Thats my 2 cents. 

Not sure why he would bring up the butterflies thing. Not everybody feels that even if they are falling hard for someone. 

Ive been talking and meeting more girls lately. Dont know how people do it- those dating a ton. All this texting and taking is time consuming. 

Good luck FIP. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## Lifescript

RD, 

I was thinking you were still talking to pony tail. I clearly missed a ton. Dont give up man. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## moxy

FIP, it sounds like this thing you have going with this guy is working well.  I am happy for you, and I hope it continues to be fulfilling!


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## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> He can be a little bit of a goof sometimes.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Goofy is one thing... beastiality fantasies is another!!!



Lifescript said:


> RD,
> 
> I was thinking you were still talking to pony tail. I clearly missed a ton. Dont give up man.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Kinda still talking, but not really actively, we're just friends now. And I've already decided I want to be single now, and have enough reasons to justify my decision in my head.

I'm slowly closing down all channels, but want to be a gentleman about it with my current female contacts, let them go nicely. Would be easy if they arent interested but they are.

Besides I have alot on my plate now, despite almost 10 years of experience of running my business there is still a sh-t ton I don't know and more efficient and effective solutions out there that I am still learning to improve my team and my work.


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## Lifescript

RD, 

Thanks for the update. I'm sure you have your reasons. Focus on your daughter and business and kill it like you have been. Sometimes love finds you when you are not looking, not that you have been looking but you know what I mean. You will be ready when time is right. If its meant to happen it will. 

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## tripad

Rd

When you know more , you realized there's a lot more you dont know . 

That is growth


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## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Goofy is one thing... beastiality fantasies is another!!!


He was just being goofy 


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

The hot guy called me last night. He does not know (maybe) that he is fvcking with my emotions. I told him exactly that. I told him that I appreciate his honesty but refrain from contacting me again because he is messing with me. 

Why do I not simply block him? I used to be him. I used to call/text/message men until I was over them. Like seriously fvck with their emotions and minds. The way we (hot guy, me, and countless others do) operate is we like to say whatever comes into our mind/heart without regards on how our words will affect other's emotions. 

I like the hot guy, he really is a nice person, he is sweet as well. I respect his life decisions. I chose to end things because he simply cannot give me what I want. He actually asked me "How do you know I can't give you what you want, if you are not willing to try"

I am not willing to try. He simply can't. He is a drug user. However!!! I am extremely proud of the fact that I am not spamming him with texts!!

I really like him ...


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Hey there, LS. It has occurred to me that I haven't provided an update in quite a while, and I suppose inquiring minds want to know?
> 
> 
> 
> My last update, which was almost a month ago (posted on 7/20), was rather vague:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So, for more context on the previous post: we were only just barely on speaking terms, and I didn't know what was going on in his head, when he texts me on July 16 and asks me if I want to go with him and a mutual friend to one of the clubs that evening. After some deliberation--and establishing that there are no expectations regarding what will happen that evening--I agree. He picks me up first, and on the way to pick up our mutual friend, we get into a small car accident; he isn't hurt, but the car is totaled and I'm a little banged up. And he is FREAKED OUT that he could have hurt me. He doesn't give a sh!t about himself, or the car... just me, and making sure I am OK.
> 
> 
> 
> So plans for the evening are scrapped, and we go back to hang out at his place for the evening. And he's making me ice packs and practically waiting on me hand and foot (when I let him, anyway), trying to take care of me... meanwhile, he occasionally has a few freak-out moments of his own, and I do my best to take care of him in those moments... but we also had a really nice night, and one thing led to another...
> 
> 
> 
> The intervening weeks have been good. There's been a fair amount, on both our parts, of testing the waters. I'm trying not to text and call too much, because I'm an over-communicator, but I'm learning that he doesn't like excessive texting not because it's excessive communication--he doesn't like it because it's TEXTING, and he would prefer that I call instead. I went with my family to the beach for the first week of August, which was very stressful for me (for a number of reasons), and so I called and spoke with him several times during the week, and we conversed over text every day. I thought maybe I was being a little needy, but he was always happy to hear from me, and was never in a rush to end our phone calls. I went out on a limb towards the end of the week and told him via text that I missed him; he didn't necessarily respond in kind, but he made it clear that he was looking forward to my return, and wanted to see me as soon as I got home.
> 
> 
> 
> We've been slowly easing into spending more time together, but we may have overdone it since I came home from the beach. The insurance company would only pay for two weeks on his rental car, but his new car was being shipped and would take longer than that to be delivered. So, the day before I got home, he returned his rental and the plan was that he was going to borrow my car when he had appointments, etc. But if he had my car indefinitely, that would leave ME without a car... so the end result was that I stayed at his place for 9 days (I finally slept at my own place two nights ago), following my return from the beach. In the morning, he would get up with me and drive me to the Metro (subway) so I could get to work, and he would pick me up after work... then he would say, Could I borrow your car tomorrow? I need to do XYZ, and we would drive over to my place so I could get a change of clothes for the next day. After three days of that, I was like, This is ridiculous. Should I just pack clothes for the rest of the week?
> 
> 
> 
> We were able to go pick up his new car on Thursday night, but he wanted me to stay over on Thursday anyway... and then it was the weekend, so of course I stayed over Friday and Saturday night. And then I stayed over Monday because I had a late start Monday morning and was driving to work anyway...
> 
> 
> 
> It's been an interesting experiment. This is the most time we've ever spent together, even though I've been going to work every day, and we settled into a little bit of a domestic routine. He's delighted to discover that I'm a good cook. We had a little tiff or two over the 9 days, but we're learning how to better understand one another, and he's become much more aware of how his temper flare-ups can affect me. We did have a moment on Monday morning, which was somewhat similar to what happened at camp, the incident that triggered the whole BIG FIGHT and me running away and everything that followed. We both handled it much better on Monday morning than we did at camp, especially him--he handled it much, MUCH better than he did at camp.
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly, I'm kind of amazed by how he listens and files things away and remembers, and does better and aims to make me happy. I'm not saying this well at all. He took our previous fight, and all the conversations that we had about it, and the feedback I gave him, and he actually applied it to this time. He didn't do it perfectly, but he's learning and he's clearly making a concerted effort towards being a better partner for me, and learning how to best care for me. I'm blown away. I've never had a man put this much effort into me. He's actively trying to grow and to change behaviors/reactions that he knows are bad for us (which either he's identified, or I've pointed out). I've not tried to change him, or told him, change this or I'm out--I've just established my boundaries and made it clear what I will and won't accept. He is making the choice to make changes on his own, and that is saying a lot to me.
> 
> 
> 
> He still won't admit that this is a relationship, or that I'm his girlfriend, but that's mattering less and less. Over those 9 days, we also had some vulnerable, emotionally intimate moments, too. I've been having a really difficult time at work lately, and he's been incredibly supportive. It's been a long time since I've had someone that I can lean on, just for that emotional support--I don't normally cry in front of other people, it's a really personal thing. He had a few moments of his own during the week, as well, which is a BFD for him--he's going through some sh!t of his own right now, which he's not as willing to talk about, but he's starting to open up a little more. His dog, Petunia, is a French bulldog, and she just had her 12th birthday last week--and the average life span of a French bulldog is 12 years. She's been his best friend for a long time, and he's having a hard time dealing with her mortality, and knowing that she's going to pass sometime in the not too distant future. So there's that, and there's some family drama stress, as well as dealing with the car accident. So he's dealing with quite a bit, even if he's not really talking about it--or talking about it, but not letting his stress show.
> 
> 
> 
> He's uncertain, because he thinks he should have butterflies, like puppy-love butterflies. He knows (and has said as much) that he thinks I'm attractive, and that I make him horny, and that he loves spending time with me, and we have fun and great conversation, and that we connect on a multitude of levels. But he says (or said, this was a month ago that he said this) that he doesn't feel butterflies, so it can't be anything more than casual. But I made the argument that not having butterflies in the early stages is actually a good thing, and that real, LASTING love grows over time, and comes from shared experiences and gradual increase in emotional intimacy. I wasn't sure at the time if he was actually listening to me, because while we were having this converation, we were spooning and he was simultaneously trying to get Petunia to lick my boobs (I didn't realize it until the end of the conversation). (She will lick faces, legs, and arms, etc. to get the salt residue from sweat. I don't know why. It's just something she does.) But given that I've since learned: 1) he was previously listening very closely in moments when I thought he wasn't, and 2) he's an auditory and visual learner; I'm fairly certain that he WAS listening in that moment and is seriously considering my argument.
> 
> 
> 
> I can feel his uncertainty waning; over time, he has more and more "slips." He has been using the proverbial "we" more frequently, not just with me, but in front of/when speaking to others. On more than one occasion, he has made reference to us being a couple. The other night, he said to Petunia, perhaps when he thought I couldn't hear, "Why do you keep running back to your mom (referring to me) every time I want to play with you?"
> 
> 
> 
> And it's clear that we both see this continuing for, at least, the immediate future. We're planning a return trip to kinky camp at the end of August (they host camp twice every summer), and we're planning a trip to Cancun over Thanksgiving as well. (He's thinking further in the future, though, because when he agreed to the Cancun trip, he thought I was talking about going after Christmas.)
> 
> 
> 
> So... the prognosis is good, I think. I'm not going to push him on labels or making a statement about our "relationship" for the time being. I had originally told him, during our Thursday deep talk during our break, that when I told him (before kinky camp) that I was interested in pursuing something more than casual, I had intended on giving him plenty of time to think about it and to decide what he wanted. That (before kinky camp) was in late June--I was prepared to give him another three months, until the end of September, to think about it. That's a lot of time. He still has another 6 weeks, and that's if I hold to the "original deadline." Honestly, I don't think I need to. I think he'll make it "official" before that, but even if he doesn't, I'm not worried. It's obvious to me how he feels about me. And I considered that I might be reading too much into things, but he came with me to brunch with some of my friends this past Sunday, and one of my friends (who hadn't met him before) commented to me in the bathroom that he was clearly crazy about me, that it was obvious.




FIP: I think the fact he isn't rushing into it is good. Sounds like you have good open communication with him. Can't wait to see where it goes. It sounds promising and kinky!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> FIP: I think the fact he isn't rushing into it is good. Sounds like you have good open communication with him. Can't wait to see where it goes. It sounds promising and kinky!!


Yes, the non-rushing is good, but I am starting to get a little impatient! But I have to remind myself that I'm a little ahead of him. I was thinking of us in terms of relationship potential much earlier than he was, and if I hadn't said anything, he would still be thinking, _this is only casual_. And I also know that this time is good for both of us to sort out some of our baggage, especially for him--I see that he's working through some stuff, even if he's not talking to me about it, and I want to give him the time he needs to do that. I don't want him to feel like he's being rushed into anything.

The communication is fantastic. And--this one is new for me--he's really the one who's driving that. I've always been the partner who's pushed for more communication in past relationships, because I wasn't getting enough of it. That isn't to say that he's pushing for more communication, but if there's an issue or something, and I'm not bringing it up, he'll say, _listen, I think we need to talk about this_. Or, more often than that, if there's something on my mind, and I'm really struggling with it, that I don't feel I can say it, or don't know how, or if I'm scared of what might transpire if I DO say this thing (hangover from my previous marriage), he does 2 things: a) he can sense/tell when I'm holding something back, which in itself is really impressive, because most people can't do that; and b) he'll stop whatever's happening or whatever he's doing, so he can focus on listening, and letting me know that he is listening with an open heart and mind, without rushing me or pressuring me to say it if I don't want to. And it usually leads into a really good conversation.

I was telling a friend the other day, most people don't understand me. They think they do, but they don't, not really; or they know they don't and don't really care. There are plenty of people who love me, but who will never understand me. This includes most of my family and a lot of people who I love and consider friends. Beyond all those people, I can count on one hand, maybe two, the number of people who realize they don't understand me, and who try to understand me, and they still usually fail, but at least they try--this includes my sister and some of my very close friends.

And then, there are the people who try to understand me, and actually succeed, which is an ongoing, life-long process. So far, there has been one person: my best friend, who I met during our sophomore year of college. Sadly, in recent years, she and I have started to grow apart as our lives are taking us in different directions, but I still love her fiercely and will do anything for her.

Real Estate is catching up with her, and quickly. So much so that I'm tempted to put him in the last category now. He's on the cusp.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> The hot guy called me last night. He does not know (maybe) that he is fvcking with my emotions. I told him exactly that. I told him that I appreciate his honesty but refrain from contacting me again because he is messing with me.
> 
> Why do I not simply block him? I used to be him. I used to call/text/message men until I was over them. Like seriously fvck with their emotions and minds. The way we (hot guy, me, and countless others do) operate is we like to say whatever comes into our mind/heart without regards on how our words will affect other's emotions.
> 
> I like the hot guy, he really is a nice person, he is sweet as well. I respect his life decisions. I chose to end things because he simply cannot give me what I want. He actually asked me "How do you know I can't give you what you want, if you are not willing to try"
> 
> I am not willing to try. He simply can't. He is a drug user. However!!! I am extremely proud of the fact that I am not spamming him with texts!!
> 
> I really like him ...


It might be in YOUR best interest to block him so YOU don't spam him with texts. Just a thought.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> It might be in YOUR best interest to block him so YOU don't spam him with texts. Just a thought.


yes. I am missing him this afternoon. 

Even thought we only saw each other for about 6 weeks, the feeling of familiarity was developing quickly. He would call when he was having a bad day or good day and I would do the same. 

Today, I am having a very hectic day and I so want to call him... ugh.. I miss him already

Just waiting for the day to end so I may go home, relax, sleep, read, or do whatever

oh btw, butterflies are not that important. I felt so many butterflies with hot guy...


----------



## tripad

Should I bail out my ex again? By telling my lawyers not to claim back past maintenance through asset claim n let him off the hook? Which means I will have pay his share of assets so that he can pay a portion of his debts. And that means I can never get my maintenance, past n future, as he would never pay. 

Call that kindness or stupidity? 

He seemed to be in deep financial s**t again and that mostly was contributed by his parents n sisters. And I suspected he tried to get his parents n sisters to help as I am not available for financial abuse anymore. I suspected none helped. I had repeatedly told him that would be the case but he hit me n called me a bi*ch while professing they are holy n nice.


----------



## tripad

Stupid man. 

Now he tells my domestic helper weekly, that he doesn't want the divorce, or he sees I had bought pretty dresses n shoes for myself, that he had always wanted me to spend more money on pretty things but I refused, or where I had gone, or if I am crying anymore. 

I can't understand. 

How do I buy anything for myself when I am paying debts after debts for him and yet feeding my family ? Without him n his debts, yes, I am back, I can afford to buy pretty dresses n things for myself. Why does he talk like he gave me money and I refused to buy things. 

That if I cry anymore!????! I cried for the hurt, deceit, destruction, breakup of family for my children, n huge money cheated out of me while I had tried to preserve the family by paying through my nose. What on earth does he think that I cried for him and him alone? N especially now?


----------



## RandomDude

Enough is enough tripad STOP covering for him, let him face the consequences of his actions otherwise he won't learn and if he won't learn he will continue to be a pathetic father figure for your children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tripad

Sadly I doubt he will ever learn. 

While heavily in debt n not paying maintenance, he signed away 5k on vitamin pills - I discovered accidentally as bills were posted to my address !!!!! N probably many others I probably never uncover. 

The same vitamins someone tried to sell me n which I wanted but I rejected as I decided not to indulge myself. 

Imagine my jaw hitting the floor.


----------



## RandomDude

He WILL learn from his mistakes - he has no other choice - short of suicide. He has a choice now because you are PROVIDING him with one.

He is a case that needs to hit rock bottom. Period. 

Grab that leech by the neck and pull it off already, and stop letting him influence your children that leeching is acceptable. Let him be the example of the consequences of irresponsibility.


----------



## tripad

Exactly Rd. You said it. 

Suicide is my fear. 

Not for him anymore. 

But on Saturday, when my children are with him. I breathe better only when my children are home.


----------



## tripad

Thinking through 

I will go through with back claim of maintenance by claiming on his share of assets. 

1) Otherwise I have the burden of feeding my kids alone while he indulges himself n his family with his salary n all of them spending more than what he earns. Told his family off, we are not mafia selling guns, just plain professionals making a living. 

2) Even if I let him off the hook, there's no thank you. 

3) N if I were to go down financially, I don't anticipate any sympathy from him. 

4) If he wants to sink into debt, he might as well do so paying maintenance.


----------



## RandomDude

It is a risk and yes it is unfortunate that there may be collateral damage IF HE decides to take HIS own life but from my perspective it is a risk WORTH taking. 

If he is THAT pathetic and selfish to take his own life then even if he dies your children will learn something from it. They are not learning anything now short of "daddy gets his way by leeching and bullsh-ting people, I can get my way by leeching and bullsh-ting people too!" Is that a preferable option?

No risk no reward tripad

This reality, prep your children for it, I'm sure you know what to do.


----------



## ne9907

@tripad

.... tough love incoming..... STOP BEING SO CO DEPENDENT!!!!!!!!!!! STOP saying you worry about him because of your CHILDREN! Educate yourself and your children in your ex's views towards life. Just stop it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

ne9907 said:


> @tripad
> 
> .... tough love incoming..... STOP BEING SO CO DEPENDENT!!!!!!!!!!! STOP saying you worry about him because of your CHILDREN! Educate yourself and your children in your ex's views towards life. Just stop it.


Agreed! Tripad, you SERIOUSLY need to stop wasting so much of your energy worrying about your EX! HE IS YOUR EX! LET IT GO! It doesn't matter what he has done, what he is doing, or what he WILL do. You have no control over it, you cant change it. If you remember, my XH shot himself back in May. My soul is crushed for my daughter. There was not a damn thing I could do to help or change him. 

The singles thread is supposed to be about sharing our experiences as singles in our daily lives, supporting each other through the pitfalls of dating and rebuilding and moving forward. I would suggest you start your own thread if you want advice about your ex's issues. But personally I think its best that you LET. IT. GO.


----------



## Lifescript

@ Tripad

I used to worry about my ex well being and used to say it was because of what her demise and path of destruction would to my son. I undertand now that I was blinding myself into believing that. It was me being old codependent. Let him fall. 

My ex is doing really well. Guess I was wrong about her. 

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## Lifescript

Guys, 

You use your personal email or facebook acct to sign up for the dating apps? 

Concerned about security. Would people have access to social media accts off the bat? 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Guys,
> 
> You use your personal email or facebook acct to sign up for the dating apps?
> 
> Concerned about security. Would people have access to social media accts off the bat?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


No

The only app I used my FB account to sign up was Tinder. Never did I see Tinder related adds on my FB.

I usually make up a fake email to sign up for free app services. Cannot remember what email I used when I was on match.

No, they should not be able to see you on social media.


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> No
> 
> The only app I used my FB account to sign up was Tinder. Never did I see Tinder related adds on my FB.
> 
> I usually make up a fake email to sign up for free app services. Cannot remember what email I used when I was on match.
> 
> No, they should not be able to see you on social media.


Gotcha. Thanks!

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Guys,
> 
> You use your personal email or facebook acct to sign up for the dating apps?
> 
> Concerned about security. Would people have access to social media accts off the bat?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


For Tinder, you have to use Facebook. 

I've used my real email address (or Facebook, when either required or available) because I don't have time to be checking multiple email accounts. I'm a busy woman.

I'm not to concerned about security. Maybe I'm naive and should be more concerned... but I'm not.


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## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> For Tinder, you have to use Facebook.
> 
> I've used my real email address (or Facebook, when either required or available) because I don't have time to be checking multiple email accounts. I'm a busy woman.
> 
> I'm not to concerned about security. Maybe I'm naive and should be more concerned... but I'm not.


Ok. 

Yea, I see for Tinder you have to use FB. 

Ideally you wouldn't want them to have access to your life unless it gets serious. But it is what it is. 

Thanks, 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> I'm not to concerned about security. Maybe I'm naive and should be more concerned... but I'm not.



I am. I still remember ex husband stalking/creating fake profiles (emails) just to check on my life...


----------



## ne9907

I am having such a lazy day today.... I am working on submitting proposals but still just want to read and browse this site.

I think I drank too much wine last night!! I made a painting called "Heartbreak" but did not contact the hot guy

I think I am an emotional masochist.....I just read the psychological definition and am not, but I like to feel emotional pain so I guess that makes me a drama wh0re??

Maybe I just have the torture soul of an artist~


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Ok.
> 
> Yea, I see for Tinder you have to use FB.
> 
> Ideally you wouldn't want them to have access to your life unless it gets serious. But it is what it is.
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Well, it's not like the other users get access to your FB or personal email. They can still only get that if you give it to the other person directly.

You're just using your FB/email to create the account.


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## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Well, it's not like the other users get access to your FB or personal email. They can still only get that if you give it to the other person directly.
> 
> You're just using your FB/email to create the account.


Ok. So its not like your are opening your fb page to Tinder. They would still need to send you a request to get to see your page. Good to know. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> Ok. So its not like your are opening your fb page to Tinder. They would still need to send you a request to get to see your page. Good to know.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Right.

Tinder uses your FB account to make it easier to add photos to your Tinder profile--you choose photos from your FB account.

It will also show if you and the other person have and friends in common. Or shared interests.

If that makes you uncomfortable, you can always set up a second FB account to use exclusively for dating apps, etc. Just don't add any friends to that account.

ETA: but that's it, nothing else.


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## TooNice

I have my FB profile locked down pretty tight. If we aren't friends, you see almost nothing. I like the mutual friends feature on Tinder, though. Most people are not locked down like I am, so you can take a closer look. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> I have my FB profile locked down pretty tight. If we aren't friends, you see almost nothing. I like the mutual friends feature on Tinder, though. Most people are not locked down like I am, so you can take a closer look.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Me too. Only thing public sees is photo, no comments. Cover photo, sadly comments yes because cover photo is always public. 

I also do not have any personal information such as where I work, or where I live. Nothing at all. Just one photo.


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## TooNice

I've had it that way ever since I moved out, but recently went through and double checked after I saw that OW was looking at my LinkedIn profile. Gross.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> I've had it that way ever since I moved out, but recently went through and double checked after I saw that OW was looking at my LinkedIn profile. Gross.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



haha....

Seriously dude, that is my main fear. I have had people sort of stalk me in the past... 

Once a person opened a dating account using my name and some photos... this account was extremely sexually graphic and rude.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> haha....
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously dude, that is my main fear. I have had people sort of stalk me in the past...
> 
> 
> 
> Once a person opened a dating account using my name and some photos... this account was extremely sexually graphic and rude.




Oh, that's awful!

I was just pissed when I saw that about OW. It was very recent, too. My first and main reaction was that she has no right to have any interest in my life whatsoever. She got what she wanted. She can leave me in peace now.

Did you know you can block people on LinkedIn? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre*

I'm in love. I've said it out loud to my boyfriend. He said it first, I didn't say it right away. But, I love him. And he told me the other day, that this isn't a small thing for him, that he is thinking long term. If this guy asks me to marry him, i'm saying yes. He's the one. 

I never believed in that stuff, but he. is. the. one. 

I've read through your stories here, and sounds like everyone is right where they should be. ((hugs))


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## RandomDude

Huh?










https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEXWRTEbj1I


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## ne9907

:grin2:


*Deidre* said:


> I'm in love. I've said it out loud to my boyfriend. He said it first, I didn't say it right away. But, I love him. And he told me the other day, that this isn't a small thing for him, that he is thinking long term. If this guy asks me to marry him, i'm saying yes. He's the one.
> 
> I never believed in that stuff, but he. is. the. one.
> 
> I've read through your stories here, and sounds like everyone is right where they should be. ((hugs))


Bask in the glory of love~

I am so happy for you.


This past weekend was wonderful for me. My niece visited, we engaged in a lot of spiritual healing. She told me some of her secrets that shattered my world, but I am at peace. I am calm.

Last week, at the insistence of the Universe, I decided to end things with the hot guy. I miss him.

Since Saturday, I received a message from the Universe to let go, to sit back and observe, everything will unfold in due time. 
See? I am not just looking for a partner. I am looking for someone who will embark in a mission of spirituality with me... 

I have always been a spiritual person, I lost myself along the way.

Last night, after almost two years, I hear from Blue eyes. I liked him quite a bit back then, but as the norm, he was emotionally unavailable and not my person.

The Universe delivered him to me as part of my healing. I feel nothing for him. He is doing well, still lives in Vegas. Back when we were talking and I worked at my previous job, I was going to move closer to Vegas (about 1.5 hrs). 
He asked how my move was, I told him that move never happened. I actually now live about 9 hours away.


I find the signs of the Universe amazing. Closure from a person who I felt very close to. I am happy today.


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> :grin2:
> 
> Bask in the glory of love~
> 
> I am so happy for you.
> 
> 
> This past weekend was wonderful for me. My niece visited, we engaged in a lot of spiritual healing. She told me some of her secrets that shattered my world, but I am at peace. I am calm.
> 
> Last week, at the insistence of the Universe, I decided to end things with the hot guy. I miss him.
> 
> Since Saturday, I received a message from the Universe to let go, to sit back and observe, everything will unfold in due time.
> See? I am not just looking for a partner. I am looking for someone who will embark in a mission of spirituality with me...
> 
> I have always been a spiritual person, I lost myself along the way.
> 
> Last night, after almost two years, I hear from Blue eyes. I liked him quite a bit back then, but as the norm, he was emotionally unavailable and not my person.
> 
> The Universe delivered him to me as part of my healing. I feel nothing for him. He is doing well, still lives in Vegas. Back when we were talking and I worked at my previous job, I was going to move closer to Vegas (about 1.5 hrs).
> He asked how my move was, I told him that move never happened. I actually now live about 9 hours away.
> 
> 
> I find the signs of the Universe amazing. Closure from a person who I felt very close to. I am happy today.


So happy for you!! I know it had to be tough to break up with hot guy, but it was the right thing, it seemed. As fun as he was, it was like riding your bike on a dead end street. Fun for a little while, but it goes nowhere. lol It's so good to see you strong and positive.


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## RandomDude

I'm such a fool, so yeah... so there's this chat buddy I FZed a while back, and never really bothered to arrange to meet her, but after so many months, thought we'd meet as friends. We have big differences however we are both intellectuals and hence we talk very often. And I thought of her as more "straight-edged" and doubt she could let her hair down. I also reminded her that I'm not interested in anything more than friends. Well...

Turns out she's actually quite fun, and despite our differences we get along very well, and both respectful despite the sheer range of differences. She's also... to my big surprise, naturally very beautiful, with no makeup. The difference between her photos and in real life is staggering at 3 points ; according to my personal taste - 5/10 in photos, 8/10 in real life. She picked the worst photos. I don't know though, don't think I'm ready to make any changes in my life again, and I already made my decision.

Nah, think it's too late. Might keep her as a chat buddy but restrict meeting her because I can see myself softening up the more time I spend with her in person. I can't afford that now, I need my phase to run its course.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> I'm such a fool, so yeah... so there's this chat buddy I FZed a while back, and never really bothered to arrange to meet her, but after so many months, thought we'd meet as friends. We have big differences however we are both intellectuals and hence we talk very often. And I thought of her as more "straight-edged" and doubt she could let her hair down. I also reminded her that I'm not interested in anything more than friends. Well...
> 
> Turns out she's actually quite fun, and despite our differences we get along very well, and both respectful despite the sheer range of differences. She's also... to my big surprise, naturally very beautiful, with no makeup. The difference between her photos and in real life is staggering at 3 points ; according to my personal taste - 5/10 in photos, 8/10 in real life. She picked the worst photos. I don't know though, don't think I'm ready to make any changes in my life again, and I already made my decision.
> 
> Nah, think it's too late. Might keep her as a chat buddy but restrict meeting her because I can see myself softening up the more time I spend with her in person. I can't afford that now, I need my phase to run its course.


There's nothing wrong with softening up, RD. You have to soften up if you're ever going to let someone else in.


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## RandomDude

Problem is I'm not really a fan of reversing course once I set my plans in motion. I have to see it through, but it's going to contradict the potential of my recent date, as I will be too hardened and I could have the best date but feel nothing and that's only going to lead to disappointment. I don't like adopting bad habits, I can't afford to. My reasons to justify my decision still stands, yet I remain foolish due to the incessant reminders of my own humanity and gender.

Sometimes the stars don't align on the other side of the galaxy, sometimes the stars don't align in yours, and I'm in the latter with this latest dilemma. Meh I dunno

Maybe just see this one through, as a parting experience... 3 dates, make a decision then. After this though I'm shutting down all flirty channels for good, no more "just flirting for fun". One thing always leads to the next.


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## whitehawk

Hey people , hope everyones rolling along nicely.
l see RD and Fem , haven;t looked through much else yet. but l'd
like to run something by everyone to hear what you think.
My sitch is a bit similar to Rd's latest actually.

First, there are 2 , of course , why couldn't things just be simple
but nooooooo. ps , not really 2 as such but somebody l just met did get me 
thinking you would say.

l've been seeing T, 12mths now,she absolutely rocks and 
l love her to pieces on good days.
We talk and talk, never ends, our records something like 15hrs straight, we think, 
could be more.
We feel so much the same about very big stuff and since even before we actually
met we've had these very bizarre idiosyncrasies l couldn't even begin to 
explain. But some of the simple ones are things like l'll wake up at say 4,31 am
thinking of her when she's not here , grab the phone to kik her a message and
she woke up at 4/30 am and has already started kiking a message. 
100s of times things like this but there is much much more. Weird , big things, little things like those messages ,times, dates , names , initials , thoughts, 100s of weird weird [email protected] between us.. 
And yet at those times she is on the other side of the planet bc she works in
the airlines and flies all over the world. --- unfortunately !

She drives me wild sexually , and me her , if l could have l couldn't have ordered
more what l love in a chick physically , if l tried and we have [email protected] going you'd
be blessed to have at 25 , let alone now and after both divorce and all.
Sooo , that's a lot of the good stuff . andddd , she makes me laugh my arse
off 24/7.

The thing is , her job , and some interests. Her job has her os 12days a mth
and she can end up anywhere ij the world. It's nothing for us to be skyping
from just about any country you could pick
That , l hate and never knew her world even existed to this degree let alone
be involved with it romantically ..
What evr happened to just going to work somewhere but ,somewhere 
is 4 different countries in a wk. It's a bizarre crazy thing don't think l'll ever get
use to. But she's been doing it 22yrs and it's nothing for her to go to another
country to ski and another one to skin dive and live in another one and visit her
folks in another one and be in 10 others too that mth.
There's also a lot of very big health risks in airlines now especially for women and'
those l also hate and worry sick about. Especially for her at it 22yrs..

We also have slight differences in life ways like l like to party but she although
being one little devo privately, l love , but hates partying or drinking or a
crowd like that. She's very fussy round the house yet l'm a bit of a slob, she's fussy in life yet l'm far more laid back.
She's changed a bit l've changed a bit but l couldn't really say we've met in the middle as yet in ways like that.
There's also other stuff she wants to do , in more countries. With her job she can go anywhere , totally free , 
any time. Not crazy about all that either. l've already traveled enough or 4 people and l've just been through 
divorce and l'm finally buying my new place .
Sooooo , as much as l love her to bits , l dunno what the [email protected] to do with 
her .
any opinions welcome?

2ndly ,l just met someone a mth back , that only lives 10
mins away , just a friend thing l mean absolutely nothing going on there .
She's but she is very very cute
And as it turns out we have heaps in common and think a lot a like and she
has just been through similar to me and has traveled like l have and now
sje really just wants simplicity , a lot like where l'm at . 
and l've gotta say it is so refreshing to talk to someone that talks and lives 
about the same country instead of 3 or 4 others each wk,believe me .
it just got me thinking about the way it is with t is what l'm saying.

l am crazy in love with T , no doubt about it. But l just
don't know if even with everything we have , l can stand her lifestyle.
Where as l say , even just talking with the other one was a 
real breath of fresh air in those ways and really got me thinking. about the things with her.
Yet what we have, T and l , l doubt l'd ever be
lucky enough to ever find again in this lifetime. But it is acery bizarre type of way to have this part time all over the world relationship and can be very hard sometimes and l wonder how much longer we can do it for., l can do it for .

Anyway , all thoughts appreciated .


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## hope4family

@whitehawk

First thing I learned in Marriage counseling. Is that is possible to love more then one person at the same time, at the same level and be undecided. We think because we put a ring on that somehow we transform into this mystical unicorn where that isn't possible. 

So, what am I getting at. Well, you aren't married or anything. If both are equally good for you, then just do what you want. 

However, I am young at age 32. But in my book, I will take someone who is good for for me, then a drinking buddy that I enjoy talking to. 

I weight how well we talk and communicate. Over how many overall hobbies we share. My love language is without a doubt physical, but after that it's quality time. I could care less about being affirmed or being given gifts. 

So yeah. Start thinking in terms of that.


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## FeministInPink

Whitehawk--T's lifestyle isn't going to change. It's part of who she IS at her CORE. If you hate her lifestyle, then dude--you don't really love her. 

If you really loved her, you wouldn't want to change her.

If you really loved her, you would be supportive of the things that make her happy.

If you really loved her, you would get involved in that sh!t because you enjoy seeing her happy.

You don't love her. She excites you sexually, and that has you twitterpated because good sex and orgasms release oxytocin. Oxytocin promotes bonding and emotional attachment. That's all it is.

You and T aren't a good fit. Let her go so she can find someone who can love her and accept her for everything that she is--not just the parts that suit you. You have to love and accept the WHOLE PERSON. You don't get to pick and choose the parts. 

ETA: A correction the chemical for men is called vasopressin; oxytocin is primarily produced by women during sex, not by men. But the two chemicals essentially do the same thing.


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## 3Xnocharm

@whitehawk, if you are in an exclusive relationship with T, then you have ZERO business messing with this other woman. If you think you want to be with her, then break it off with T. If T is where your heart is, stop talking to #2. Period. 

#2 sounds more compatible honestly. T deserves support for her lifestyle, not someone who wants to keep her grounded.


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## whitehawk

Thanks for the replies and thoughts people , muchly appreciated.

1stly ,just wondering too are there any thoughts on people say mid 40s or more that have never been married or really had anything long term just a few short ones , few yrs , nothing else ?

And yep , we even talk about all that fem bc the sexual thing is huge between us.But then we always come back to the same thing. We get along really well mostly and can talk about anything and everything.
To me being able to do that is a very big thing in a relationship.
And l do try to support her world , we've talked a lot about that but it is is hard.
And yet she wants me to change my job , wants me to go all over the world with her , won't fully support what l do and what makes me happy, so it's a bit of a vicious circle you see.
And l have said a few times maybe you should hook up with some traveling all over ants in the pants type like yourself instead and l should hook up with someone more settled . we have talked about all that a lot many times over.
l've said l'll go here and there 2 or 3 times a year but that's enough , we're talking japan , itally , the states , norway , so it's no just a little trip up the road you know and l've got my daughter.

l've only talked to no 2 a few times and that was only accidental bumping into each other out somewhere but there was def' something going on if l let it. But no touchies or flirting or anything though , bc l'm with T. l just couldn't help but notice and think about it with all the issues me and T have. that's all.


----------



## FeministInPink

@whitehawk

T is hoping you'll change for her. That's why she's stuck it out this long. Which isn't terribly healthy. Most women, if they want something serious and long-term, would have seen the incompatibilities and left because of them a long time ago.

I could see it working if you were able to make some small changes and take some short jaunts that work with your daughter's schedule.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## hope4family

Oh no whitehawk you aren't perfect. You don't love perfectly, you have flaws, you come to a site for advice, OH NO!!! Red alert red alert. 

Well my friend. It's up to you to navigate through this. I don't know what I would say about that in the 40's. I do know what I would say in the 30's. The truth is, I would wonder a lot behind the why as well. But I would not en-devour to fix the person, but I would see, if given whatever the appropriate amount of time it takes to decide via being exclusive. If it could work out. 

Are you wasting each others time? Well no, not intentionally anyway. Sadly it takes time for a relationship to figure out if it can work. In terms of being exclusive vs non exclusive. Well you sound exclusive, but you don't sound committing to me. That's probably because I can't detect tone on the internet either. 

The point is, you are thinking about it. Tread softly. I wouldn't give you advise that would willfully hurt someone else negatively. So don't take forever and then decide. At most, I would give this relationship a year max, and if you can't live with who you both are at your core. Regardless of how good everything else is. Move on. She sounds like a good person. You both deserve someone who can live within the same lifestyle.


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## Lifescript

Whitehawk, 

Is there a middle ground that can be reached? Sounds like you want her to change her lifestyle and she wants you to change yours. 

With you buying a home seems like you are set on staying local. 

Would she consider a career change? If not, could she do what she is doing but in a way where she is not away so much? 

If she is to make a change it needs to come from her and not from you or she will end up resenting you. 

Sounds like you guys have fun and chemistry but are not compatible. I dont think theres anything wrong with making changes if you want to be with someone. 

"I'll change jobs because I love him and he makes me happy vs. I'll change jobs because thats what he wants me to do." 

You may not find someone who you share as much attraction with than her. But you may find someone who as a whole makes you happier because your lives are more compatible. 

Thats my 2 cents. 

Good luck and stay away from the other woman she will just confuse the heck out of you. 


Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## whitehawk

Thanks for those helpful thoughts people , very cool.

l do love T and her me and she loves like no other in many ways this girl and is such a one off in so many other ways and so are we so yeah you bet l'd love to work it out even if it takes a few more years.

But yeah , there is the lifestyle/ work thing going on and when your partner can be in any country in the world at just about any time , it becomes a big thing after awhile believe me.

She has been looking at alternatives that can have her home and us together more but it's a complicated sitch with her company that is for sure. But she can't leave them any time soon bc of contracts and things.
But l'll sure heed that advice about not pushing any change in her sitch but rather if it's something she wants and she does . Even though she never hesitates to push me in something believe me but on this one yeah l'll watch my step.
She doesn't wanna give up the flying but she does wanna be with us more and less time away somehow. So that';s a start l guess..
but l do worry a bit that things might not change and as they are well.
You see any other couples mostly home and together most nights or wk ends or more the typical but my other 1/2 can be anywhere in the world and well, it starts to feel surreal after awhile.


----------



## RandomDude

Wearing myself and my team out, fit 270K worth of events revenue in one week's operation. After this... I'm taking a break from business development and leaving it to my new accounts manager. Planning leave and trying to delegate again, I can't keep doing this.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Wearing myself and my team out, fit 270K worth of events revenue in one week's operation. After this... I'm taking a break from business development and leaving it to my new accounts manager. Planning leave and trying to delegate again, I can't keep doing this.


Whew, that's a lot! That's why you hire people, RD. So they can do this sh!t for you. You can't do everything yourself.


----------



## ne9907

nothing new to report!!

Still going NC with the hot guy. I never blocked his number, still getting "I miss you a bunch" and "good morning texts"

Not responding. I feel nothing when looking at these texts. 

On the blue eyes front: I rejected his FB invite, then he messaged me, we talked for a bit, asked me to text him. I have not. 
I will eventually, I am very busy at the moment, he was always fun and he is safe because he is 8 hours away from me!

Oh, yes, so since I rejected his FB invite, he is unable to invite me again to be his friend and I cannot send him a friend request.

This is odd. I would like a glimpse of his life. He also travels a lot. 

Other than that, I am SINGLE! not yet ready to mingle... 

I am gaining calm and insight. My heart literally hurts because of some family issues, hopefully this calmness is not a precursor to an emotional breakdown. However, if it is, I will be ready and recover.


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> nothing new to report!!
> 
> Still going NC with the hot guy. I never blocked his number, still getting "I miss you a bunch" and "good morning texts"
> 
> Not responding. I feel nothing when looking at these texts.
> 
> On the blue eyes front: I rejected his FB invite, then he messaged me, we talked for a bit, asked me to text him. I have not.
> I will eventually, I am very busy at the moment, he was always fun and he is safe because he is 8 hours away from me!
> 
> Oh, yes, so since I rejected his FB invite, he is unable to invite me again to be his friend and I cannot send him a friend request.
> 
> This is odd. I would like a glimpse of his life. He also travels a lot.
> 
> Other than that, I am SINGLE! not yet ready to mingle...
> 
> I am gaining calm and insight. My heart literally hurts because of some family issues, hopefully this calmness is not a precursor to an emotional breakdown. However, if it is, I will be ready and recover.


You don't know me, but I'm proud of you.  You sound very strong, and in positive spirits! Hot guy sounds like he was nice, it absolutely sucks when you meet someone who you click with on so many levels, there's amazing chemistry, but the person doesn't have their life together. And you know it will never ever go anywhere, in the end. I'm proud that you didn't let chemistry dictate your future.


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## whitehawk

Sounds like you gotta learn to say no to yourself and the job RD . My business is only small but even so it can still take over
my head , wkends , life , l hate getting trapped into living like that so even with mine l have to sat ok, enough, fk this, this is not
how l like to live , and then l start putting my foot down on myself again and saying no, feels damn good too.

Anyway , back to reality in my world.
So far this wk we've skyped from japan , berlin, california and tonight it will be brazil.
l think l am officially losing it and kidding myself.
not ceazy about living like this, head spins , not good. 
Ah yeah, forgot 1 , and Chicago .


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Whew, that's a lot! That's why you hire people, RD. So they can do this sh!t for you. You can't do everything yourself.





whitehawk said:


> Sounds like you gotta learn to say no to yourself and the job RD . My business is only small but even so it can still take over
> my head , wkends , life , l hate getting trapped into living like that so even with mine l have to sat ok, enough, fk this, this is not
> how l like to live , and then l start putting my foot down on myself again and saying no, feels damn good too.


Yeah I'm slowing it down, living off red bull and nurofen all week my heart was aching in pain as well, like sharp barbs every beat which was a warning sign. Just... I have millions in the middle and it's stressing me the heck out, it's money I'm chasing and money I'm being chased for. I just want to close the gap as soon as possible.

Think I'm just impatient, and worrying too much like I tend to do. To be honest, I've actually never had this much money in the middle before, and if I fk it up... ah hell don't even want to think about it.

*think happy thoughts*

:crying:


----------



## *Deidre*

Red bull is bad.  Hope you find a good balance, RD. 

Wishing you all a great day!


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I'm slowing it down, living off red bull and nurofen all week my heart was aching in pain as well, like sharp barbs every beat which was a warning sign. Just... I have millions in the middle and it's stressing me the heck out, it's money I'm chasing and money I'm being chased for. I just want to close the gap as soon as possible.
> 
> Think I'm just impatient, and worrying too much like I tend to do. To be honest, I've actually never had this much money in the middle before, and if I fk it up... ah hell don't even want to think about it.
> 
> *think happy thoughts*
> 
> :crying:




Yep better knock those two of mate before you curl over .
Special kind of nature to build a big business but man if it was me , l'd be selling it and living the good life from here.

Mine , it's only a small one man very simple show and l love it like that . it pays the bills and l get to splurge now and then , plenty of time off and l enjoy working with my hands and the work itself. Wouldn't mind a little more money coming in sometimes though but, can't have everything.
l wanna try a different better paying line , same job , just so that l still keep the things l love about working for myself but hopefully make a bit better money too.


----------



## RandomDude

I envy you, im not in a position to sell and start over though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ne9907

It is saturday night and I am bored.... 
@*Deidre* thanks love, I am pretty proud of myself as well.

It is extremely difficult to go NC, I am itching to text him back, but I am now growing stubborn. Gosh... if only I hadn't caught feelings. He is so hot!!


----------



## RandomDude

My love life has, annoyingly... rebooted again. *sigh*

This is the first time I met someone online, became friends instead of dating, chat for half a year, and then meet up, and then find ourselves curious about each other after all.... err like WTF? Not even sure how to even handle this. Bloody technology and how evolution hasn't caught up... bah! Don't know how fast or slow to go, or in which order how to proceed. I am lost and confused.

If we had met in person from get go I could work with that, but now it's so weird! Not to mention I'm not sure if I want this right now. Ok... think I answered my own question, go slow. Her company, even in a few short words a day, can be a nice comfort during the working week, and has been for months.


----------



## whitehawk

Lifescript said:


> Whitehawk,
> 
> Is there a middle ground that can be reached? Sounds like you want her to change her lifestyle and she wants you to change yours.
> 
> With you buying a home seems like you are set on staying local.
> 
> Would she consider a career change? If not, could she do what she is doing but in a way where she is not away so much?
> 
> If she is to make a change it needs to come from her and not from you or she will end up resenting you.
> 
> Sounds like you guys have fun and chemistry but are not compatible. I dont think theres anything wrong with making changes if you want to be with someone.
> 
> "I'll change jobs because I love him and he makes me happy vs. I'll change jobs because thats what he wants me to do."
> 
> You may not find someone who you share as much attraction with than her. But you may find someone who as a whole makes you happier because your lives are more compatible.
> 
> Thats my 2 cents.
> 
> Good luck and stay away from the other woman she will just confuse the heck out of you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk




Thanks for this Ls . Been thinking about it .
She would consider it and she can in 18mths time which isn't too bad . But bc her ex ran out on her she's like a lot of us , got some trust issues and says she would feel insecure if she changed her job now that's the problem and she'd lose a lot of built up benefits and security, she's really big on that bc she says l could run off like ex did in a few yrs time .
She's often though said she'd love to build a b and b and we could have a normal life , but tbh , l really doubt she'd quit though again for her security thing. 

But isn't it weird bc as you said , someone else would have something else but not something else.

She'll be home again in a wk , for 6wks straight , all in the one country , gonna be heaven , short lived but heaven.
She 's got some big news but won't tell me , says she's gotta be home to tell me. But l've gotta admit , call me selfish but l am quietly dreaming of some changes here :surprise:


----------



## whitehawk

hope4family said:


> @whitehawk
> 
> First thing I learned in Marriage counseling. Is that is possible to love more then one person at the same time, at the same level and be undecided. We think because we put a ring on that somehow we transform into this mystical unicorn where that isn't possible.
> 
> So, what am I getting at. Well, you aren't married or anything. If both are equally good for you, then just do what you want.
> 
> However, I am young at age 32. But in my book, I will take someone who is good for for me, then a drinking buddy that I enjoy talking to.
> 
> I weight how well we talk and communicate. Over how many overall hobbies we share. My love language is without a doubt physical, but after that it's quality time. I could care less about being affirmed or being given gifts.
> 
> So yeah. Start thinking in terms of that.



Thinking about this to H and l;m very similar , Physical and quality time , communication , can't beatem in my book.
l've always found similar views are important to they don't have be be carbon copies but just the basic out looks are a real hassle if they;re too different.
Funny though like you if l understood you right , l don't really put that much in too much in common as far as hobbies and stuff either.
ex and l didn't have that much in common like that and it was never a hassle . it was actually nice to go do your thing and her hers.
Doing everything together has always seemed a bit too much together to me, few thing nice yeah but no need for over board.


----------



## hope4family

whitehawk said:


> Thinking about this to H and l;m very similar , Physical and quality time , communication , can't beatem in my book.
> l've always found similar views are important to they don't have be be carbon copies but just the basic out looks are a real hassle if they;re too different.
> Funny though like you if l understood you right , l don't really put that much in too much in common as far as hobbies and stuff either.
> ex and l didn't have that much in common like that and it was never a hassle . it was actually nice to go do your thing and her hers.
> Doing everything together has always seemed a bit too much together to me, few thing nice yeah but no need for over board.


Well close. 

Think of it like this, I have guy friends, that if the female isn't 100% what they want. Then the female no matter how many other redeeming qualities. Doesn't stand a chance. 

They want a drinking buddy, a cigar buddy, a football buddy, a reading buddy, a hobby buddy, the looks they want, the background they want, the religion they want, and so on. If a female is missing one of these. She is doomed. 

It just isn't realistic. I think sharing hobby's and having things in common is very important. A simple example would be this. I enjoy all kinds of beer. Girl I am with, enjoys modest beer samplings of certain types. Some guys would disqualify someone based on not enough in common. I wouldn't.


----------



## *Deidre*

I agree about having stuff in common, but it's also fun to not have a lot in common, and show each other new things. My bf is a police officer, and works on his parents' farm a lot. I know nothing about farming. I'm into art shows, and cross fit, and he lifts weights and isn't really into art. But, I spend time helping on the farm, and he has been to an art show with me. We both like trying each others' lives on, as we call it lol and it really broadens your horizons. I won't go to shooting practice though or a gun range, I must draw the line, but he wants to teach me. 

He is a southern guy and I'm more of a city type. Opposites do attract, but you can learn and grow when you try new things, opening your mind up.


----------



## foolscotton3

I am Divorced!

giggity giggity


----------



## FeministInPink

*Deidre* said:


> I agree about having stuff in common, but it's also fun to not have a lot in common, and show each other new things. My bf is a police officer, and works on his parents' farm a lot. I know nothing about farming. I'm into art shows, and cross fit, and he lifts weights and isn't really into art. But, I spend time helping on the farm, and he has been to an art show with me. We both like trying each others' lives on, as we call it lol and it really broadens your horizons. I won't go to shooting practice though or a gun range, I must draw the line, but he wants to teach me.
> 
> He is a southern guy and I'm more of a city type. Opposites do attract, but you can learn and grow when you try new things, opening your mind up.


I think it's good to have a cross section: some shared interests, and some disparate interests. With different interests, you can expand one another's horizons and be exposed to new things. Plus, I feel like it means more for for a partner to support you, or even participate, in something in which s/he isn't really interested at all.


----------



## whitehawk

RandomDude said:


> My love life has, annoyingly... rebooted again. *sigh*
> 
> This is the first time I met someone online, became friends instead of dating, chat for half a year, and then meet up, and then find ourselves curious about each other after all.... err like WTF? Not even sure how to even handle this. Bloody technology and how evolution hasn't caught up... bah! Don't know how fast or slow to go, or in which order how to proceed. I am lost and confused.
> 
> If we had met in person from get go I could work with that, but now it's so weird! Not to mention I'm not sure if I want this right now. Ok... think I answered my own question, go slow. Her company, even in a few short words a day, can be a nice comfort during the working week, and has been for months.



ahh .got experience in this one myself. wouldn't have believed l'd got involved in some internet bs . 
weird though out of all the girls out there or date sites or where ever , how come that., crazy how things happen.
so have you met now , how was ?


----------



## whitehawk

*Deidre* said:


> I agree about having stuff in common, but it's also fun to not have a lot in common, and show each other new things. My bf is a police officer, and works on his parents' farm a lot. I know nothing about farming. I'm into art shows, and cross fit, and he lifts weights and isn't really into art. But, I spend time helping on the farm, and he has been to an art show with me. We both like trying each others' lives on, as we call it lol and it really broadens your horizons. I won't go to shooting practice though or a gun range, I must draw the line, but he wants to teach me.
> 
> He is a southern guy and I'm more of a city type. Opposites do attract, but you can learn and grow when you try new things, opening your mind up.



How do you find the southern and city mix D ? Do you live together or can you agree on which lifestyle or middle ground .Would you leave the city if it comes to that or him live in there ?


----------



## RandomDude

whitehawk said:


> ahh .got experience in this one myself. wouldn't have believed l'd got involved in some internet bs .
> weird though out of all the girls out there or date sites or where ever , how come that., crazy how things happen.
> so have you met now , how was ?


We met and had fun, was a good date, but weird at the same time because we just met yet chatted for half a year. We're seeing each other again later this week. 

Except... seems timing is bad, cause now I have competition, someone she met one blasted week prior. Bah! But hey, in a way it's good because I like a challenge, and competition helps in that regard.

Though I have to admit, feeling tempted to just flash my greens and eliminate the competition there and then, so easy to, so I wouldn't have to worry about the other guy, only 2.5% chance he'll earn more than me lol But that will undermine my desire to know if she has the capacity to love me for who I am.

So... nah I'll flash the greens only after she chooses the other guy :grin2: Hehe! Kidding kidding... though hell the temptation!


----------



## whitehawk

Funny. l've done less good when l've had great cars and money. l seem to do better when l look like l wouldn't have 2 cents.

Although my gf now would like the money thing , with her security thing and all.

murphys law huh , typical. someone new in the last wk. you can always have him knee capped , nah , better not


----------



## RandomDude

Heh love vs security. Endless, timeless debate. For me though I do hold certain standards for my future son in law hence understand the necessity of financial stability. 

If he drives a 100k+ car... 









If he has a house though... then I'll be slightly nicer


----------



## whitehawk

Had to save that one , might pin it on the wall in the lounge in our new place.

A friend told me one her dad had on the wall when she first started dating back when..
Something like , 
l know l have a very beautiful daughter, but l also have a very nice shotgun and access to a very deep ditch .
Thought that was a bit of a classic.


----------



## RandomDude

Haha, like this?










Or this?


----------



## whitehawk

Lovem. Gonna be handy too my d's 15 .


----------



## DustyDog

whitehawk said:


> Funny. l've done less good when l've had great cars and money. l seem to do better when l look like l wouldn't have 2 cents.
> 
> Although my gf now would like the money thing , with her security thing and all.
> 
> murphys law huh , typical. someone new in the last wk. you can always have him knee capped , nah , better not


You can have money without displaying it, you know.

Based on my experience, the women who want you to have "a lot" tend to be more demanding than others. What most seem to want is simple security. Do you have enough that any time some is required, there it is?

What I found is this: The car doesn't have to be flashy, nor new. But it needs to be well-maintained, clean, free of clutter and without obvious flaws (rust holes, rattles, etc). Some women thought it was cool when I drove a red sports car (12 year old RX7), others needed more of a "safe" feeling and preferred a sedan with leather interior. You can't pick a car that will "impress" all.

I have zero eye for attire, so I dress in what's comfortable. I pay attention to the fit I like (loose) and the moment there's a stain or hole, it's fixed or pitched. Most women have been interested in showing me how to dress better, so that becomes an activity we do together.

When I began my work life, "how much do you earn" was a common topic for anybody, because at that age, were were just getting started and trying to figure out where we were, and whether we needed to do something to get ahead now instead of later. But past age 30, the only women who asked, or knew, were my one LTR and my wife. Nobody ever asked.

Money is like oxygen - as long as there's enough available, you don't worry about getting more.


FWIW, my most active dating days - that is, the time when I got to go out with a larger quantity of women, so I could figure out what kind of personality I liked - was in my late 30s after split from SO. Five years. I split from SO, then my industry tanked, so I went unemployed. I had enough savings to go without income for many years. Being available during the day was an incredible boon, being at an age of dating single moms.


----------



## ne9907

I broke down!!

I texted the hot guy last night. I should have called instead, I hate texting.
Anyway, at first he didn't reply so I sent another text reading either he should answer to tell me to fvck off or to talk

He texted back. We had a conversation for a while (if anyone can have a normal conversation through texting...) He isn't seeing anyone yet... he sort of misses me... he is busy with work... he hates bad drivers and dumb people... etc

Ended up the night with him texting "sweet dreams beautiful"

Then!!!!!!! I had another dream about him. The fourth one. 
In this dream, he was talking to another woman, a woman who in my eyes is the epitome of beautiful (blond, tall, blue eyes, skinny)
They were talking about her tattoos and piercings. I saw the beautiful woman, saw I was nothing like her, felt extremely sad, but also felt okay and secure of me.

I love my dream!~


----------



## whitehawk

DustyDog said:


> You can have money without displaying it, you know.
> 
> Based on my experience, the women who want you to have "a lot" tend to be more demanding than others. What most seem to want is simple security. Do you have enough that any time some is required, there it is?
> 
> What I found is this: The car doesn't have to be flashy, nor new. But it needs to be well-maintained, clean, free of clutter and without obvious flaws (rust holes, rattles, etc). Some women thought it was cool when I drove a red sports car (12 year old RX7), others needed more of a "safe" feeling and preferred a sedan with leather interior. You can't pick a car that will "impress" all.
> 
> I have zero eye for attire, so I dress in what's comfortable. I pay attention to the fit I like (loose) and the moment there's a stain or hole, it's fixed or pitched. Most women have been interested in showing me how to dress better, so that becomes an activity we do together.
> 
> When I began my work life, "how much do you earn" was a common topic for anybody, because at that age, were were just getting started and trying to figure out where we were, and whether we needed to do something to get ahead now instead of later. But past age 30, the only women who asked, or knew, were my one LTR and my wife. Nobody ever asked.
> 
> Money is like oxygen - as long as there's enough available, you don't worry about getting more.
> 
> 
> FWIW, my most active dating days - that is, the time when I got to go out with a larger quantity of women, so I could figure out what kind of personality I liked - was in my late 30s after split from SO. Five years. I split from SO, then my industry tanked, so I went unemployed. I had enough savings to go without income for many years. Being available during the day was an incredible boon, being at an age of dating single moms.




Thanks for the take. Interesting you find more time was a bonus . l normally get a fair bit of free time but they're always busy working all hours , even my w was like that . l often felt guilty with her. but eh , the benifits of being my own boss.

But nah l wasn't saying l bought or owned or dressed in anyway to impress the ladies. Matter of fact never have and never will. With the exception of say if your going out then naturally you wanna try and look good. Or with ex of course , gf's and stuff , your going somewhere or as you say they might like you in this or that, but as a single , nope , l just do what l want.
Things like cars or money , that's just something l noticed over the years not something l try to do for women.
And it always just struck me as weird that's all. They do seem to just like me in my older less flashy cars or everyday casual just knock around clothes. Even my work clothes , they seem to like me in those , covered in paint and crap , boots.
Personally l'm much more comfortable just dressing and driving whatever l like and what suits me so any girl l'm going to have something with will find the same thing and it does ring true.

Even my gf , she's actually a bit on the poshy side in a nice sort of way though but also extremely down to earth but she actually prefers me in just my every day stuff even loves me scruffed up as she calls it.


----------



## RandomDude

Another date... weeeeee!

... why am I bothering? Bah! Oh well, might at least try to have fun!

Ack ack... :|


----------



## whitehawk

What happened to miss text for 6mths just met ? PS , was she os or local ?

All the dates, man why do you bother. Personally l waited for that somebody special l think is what l like . Whether that turns out to be the case afterward or not well, it's all you can do but l never wasted time with just anyone. So,hardly any dates really, ever, but more biding time until someone worthwhile comes along.
Just too disheartening and time wasting otherwise..


----------



## RandomDude

That's the same one lol

And as for us dating... kinda just happened, wasn't planning for it, she was just a friend for months heh


----------



## whitehawk

Ahh right .Well hope you guys have some fun anyway.


----------



## *Deidre*

whitehawk said:


> How do you find the southern and city mix D ?


 So far it's going great, I think that his southern laid back way, but traditional look on dating and marriage is so cool. I'm listening to country music and he listens to my music, and we laugh that we would never have imagined that two people from very different backgrounds and upbringings would be so compatible, but it goes to show that opposites attract and that chemistry and compatibility are often things that have no 'rules' that go with them. I had a rule to not date police officers, just something about them that I always assumed might be controlling in a relationship, but he is not controlling. He does get jealous sometimes, though but he's working on that. 



> Do you live together or can you agree on which lifestyle or middle ground .Would you leave the city if it comes to that or him live in there ?


We don't live together, we've only been dating for a few months now, but I don't want to live with a guy until I'm married. He would like to live with me, but he understands my position on that. He actually only lives about 30 minutes from me, so we do spend the night at one another's place often. 


Hope everyone has an awesome Labor Day weekend!


----------



## FeministInPink

Guys, just wanted to tell you that I had an amazing week with Real Estate at kinky camp. We had a few little bumps to navigate, but all told, it was fantastic.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Guys, just wanted to tell you that I had an amazing week with Real Estate at kinky camp. We had a few little bumps to navigate, but all told, it was fantastic.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk




Good news, FIP! Happy to hear that things are well. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## tripad

A guy online called some months back and i didn't pick up his call . Prefering to text .

He " dissappeared " .

Now , he texted and called . I didnt pick up his call n just texted . He " disappeared " again .

Not blaming him . 

I think i have a problem . Keeping that distance thro " text only " n avoiding calls . 

I am thinking if my "walls" are too high n cold . 

Maybe Mr Neighbour who seemed interested got a chill n didnt advance on me too . Well , he has a single lady gf now i think . 

Sigh . Learning process . Trust issues .

Feel like being a single mum with two kids n a deadbeat dad is a " reject " and a " burden" unwanted . 

But i really am financially independent , even with kids in tow . But of course , a man wont see that .


----------



## ne9907

tripad said:


> A guy online called some months back and i didn't pick up his call . Prefering to text .
> 
> He " dissappeared " .
> 
> Now , he texted and called . I didnt pick up his call n just texted . He " disappeared " again .
> 
> Not blaming him .
> 
> I think i have a problem . Keeping that distance thro " text only " n avoiding calls .
> 
> I am thinking if my "walls" are too high n cold .
> 
> Maybe Mr Neighbour who seemed interested got a chill n didnt advance on me too . Well , he has a single lady gf now i think .
> 
> Sigh . Learning process . Trust issues .
> 
> *Feel like being a single mum with two kids n a deadbeat dad is a " reject " and a " burden" unwanted* .
> 
> But i really am financially independent , even with kids in tow . But of course , a man wont see that .


Dude... you are not a deadbeat nor a reject! 
You are a wonderful individual, with flaws, yet wonderful nonetheless.
We are all flawed... 

I do not understand how you kept getting all the losers. Do you know why you attract losers? I know why I attract losers.

Figure out the reason certain men are attracted to you, then if you wish to change that, do it.

Who cares what a man will see? 
some men are fickle, they call and text, then go off and date someone else, then they get lonely and talk and text again. These men are not for you. These men do not want you. Run, run, run from these men. You are lucky if they never reply back.

On my front. hot guy has finally stopped texting. I was terribly sad at first, but now feel much better. I threw myself a pity party because I was missing him. 
What did I miss about him?? Not much. Just the idea of him. 

A good friend of mine got into a dicey situation, she dated a guy for about a month, just talking/texting. He was a bit of a shy guy, and also clueless about being charming.
She became enamored of him after they had sex..... well... he gave her an STD.
She called him, told him, and he said "Oh I went to the doctor yesterday and I am clean. I don't have it!"

What a piece of sh!t.... She is still stuck on him.... 
I am helping her get over him though, which in turn is helping me as well.

Girlfriend found this POS on POF, and she called me crying.... I think she feels super attached to him because he infected her???? Does it make sense???

Anyway, I went to POF and found hot guy. In this profile, he says he is "looking for someone serious" and "wants to have a real relationship" 

Did it irk me? yes, a bit, because I am like the most serious person he will ever know! Some people even say I have a stick up my a$$ haha... However, he is playing the field. That is all.

Then I remind myself that I BROKE IT OFF because I RECOGNIZED he is NOT what I want nor need. He is just so hot. 

My friends do not think he is hot haha....

Anyway women out there and men too. Watch out and be safe.

I do not know what else to tell my friend. She is still obsessed with the douche who gave her an STD.


----------



## tripad

STD

OMG !!!

That's what i am paranoid about , n stay away from casual sex

I attract losers ? I wonder why too ? Can anyone tell me ? Maybe i am independent so they viewed me not as a women . My ex is the third guy in my history who feels inadequate because i do better financially .


----------



## RandomDude

Well guys... decided to be friends with recent date. Lesson learnt, do not date your friends. If chemistry wasn't there to begin with, chances are it won't be there when together. She's a great women though, ticked alot of boxes. Oh well, back to my celibate plans!


----------



## TooNice

Hey all. Just thought I would pop in for an update. I have been crazy busy with work these past weeks, and will continue to be for a few more. Probably not the best time to even be talking to men, let alone trying to date. I had a couple of nice dates with one guy, but I fear my current jaded approach (coupled with my workload right now), probably made me seem disinterested. 

I am running my third half marathon this weekend, so I am excited about that. I am much better trained than I was this time last year! I am still a very slow runner, but I am excited to see how I feel when I finish. I've a had a few bumps in my training these past few weeks, but I think I am as ready as I can be. 

I feel like when work slows down I need to set some life, career, mental health and fitness goals and just stop with the dating. I am tired of jerks and disappointments, and really hate that I am starting to doubt myself and wonder if it is me. I am a very strong and confident woman, and hate that I would even entertain that thought. I feel like if I shift my focus I can work through that and just continue to make myself more of the woman I want to be. I still hold out faith that the man of my dreams will simply show up at some point, but maybe I don't have to be actively searching for him right now. 

Anyway, I know it's been quiet here as of late - I hope you are all well!


----------



## Lifescript

So ... I believe I have fallen again for someone I shouldn't have. She has a bf. Same thing happened last year with a coworker. Not sure if you guys remember. I havent been intimate or anything with this girl. Saw her a bunch this summer because we are in the same circle. We were getting very close, texting a lot and the like, getting to know each other but she recently told me she didnt feel ok with how things were going because of her bf and have asked that we dont talk as much. 

This sucks big time. But I knew this could happen. Why do I get myself in these situations?

I'm such a hopeless romantic. Its stupid. 

Also doesn't help that I've had no luck asking girls out. I need to get this girl out of my mind somehow. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Hey all. Just thought I would pop in for an update. I have been crazy busy with work these past weeks, and will continue to be for a few more. Probably not the best time to even be talking to men, let alone trying to date. I had a couple of nice dates with one guy, but I fear my current jaded approach (coupled with my workload right now), probably made me seem disinterested.
> 
> I am running my third half marathon this weekend, so I am excited about that. I am much better trained than I was this time last year! I am still a very slow runner, but I am excited to see how I feel when I finish. I've a had a few bumps in my training these past few weeks, but I think I am as ready as I can be.
> 
> *I feel like when work slows down I need to set some life, career, mental health and fitness goals and just stop with the dating. I am tired of jerks and disappointments, and really hate that I am starting to doubt myself and wonder if it is me. I am a very strong and confident woman, and hate that I would even entertain that thought. I feel like if I shift my focus I can work through that and just continue to make myself more of the woman I want to be. I still hold out faith that the man of my dreams will simply show up at some point, but maybe I don't have to be actively searching for him right now. *
> 
> Anyway, I know it's been quiet here as of late - I hope you are all well!


This. If things with Real Estate go south (not that I expect them to), I plan to stay out of the dating scene for a while. It takes up way too much time and energy to try and meet people, only to have most of them not work out, or (as you mention) they're just jerks. The one thing I found, dating around prior to meeting real estate, is that there are plenty of single men out there, but for the majority of them, there's a reason *why* they are single, and that reason is usually something that makes them undateable--ie, a red flag. So many men I've met and/or dated since my divorce are either only interested in sex, or they have a ton of baggage (emotional or otherwise) that renders them, quite literally, incapable of a healthy relationship. In my age range, the men either have never been married, which makes me wonder why/how they reached this stage in life without having found a partner, or they are divorced. And I'm not saying that being divorced is a bad thing--we're ALL divorced here, except for Deirdre--but many of the divorced men I've met haven't done the work to learn/grow/become better partners. On top of that, I'm kinky and want a partner who is as well, so that shrinks my dating pool to a veritable puddle.

This is why I hope things continue and work out well with Real Estate. Sometimes, I don't think he realizes what a gem he really is. He's not perfect--we all have our faults--but he recognizes them and tries to compensate and he tries to do better, which is more than most people can say. To say that he's the best thing that I've found sounds a but like a back-handed compliment, but he is the best fit for me that I've found in maybe... ever? I don't want to get ahead of myself, and things are still new, but... there is still that. He definitely understands me in a way that my XH never could. My XH tried to understand me so he would look for weaknesses to exploit, but Real Estate just wants to understand me, for the sake of understanding me and knowing me better.


----------



## *Deidre*

Hi all, nice to see this thread active today. Since reading your stories here, I think about how you're all doing. I'm glad to see some are doing well, and sad about those who are questioning things because of the dating scene. I'd disagree about friends turning romantic. I'm in love with the guy I've been seeing for the past 4 months since my engagement ended this year, and he and I started off as friends. He and I are talking about marriage, now. Chemistry is amazing. I think there was chemistry there all along during our friendship, but we never acted on it because we were friends and dating others. He said he felt jealous when I announced my engagement, and I never knew that until we started dating. So, it's been interesting. 
@TooNice - I happen to think that when the right guy comes along, you'll know it, and you'll make time for him. Love is that way, I've discovered.  Good luck on your 1/2 marathon running!! That's really awesome!


----------



## FeministInPink

Lifescript said:


> So ... I believe I have fallen again for someone I shouldn't have. She has a bf. Same thing happened last year with a coworker. Not sure if you guys remember. I havent been intimate or anything with this girl. Saw her a bunch this summer because we are in the same circle. We were getting very close, texting a lot and the like, getting to know each other but she recently told me she didnt feel ok with how things were going because of her bf and have asked that we dont talk as much.
> 
> This sucks big time. But I knew this could happen. Why do I get myself in these situations?
> 
> I'm such a hopeless romantic. Its stupid.
> 
> Also doesn't help that I've had no luck asking girls out. I need to get this girl out of my mind somehow.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Lifescript, did you know she had a boyfriend? Or was this a surprise to you?

It sounds like she didn't realize you were into her. She might have been oblivious to that. (It's possible, people. I've always had lots of male friends, ever since I was in junior high. I never thought anything of it. I now understand that at least SOME of them were sweet on me and had been too shy or whatever to do anything about it.) OR she could be one of those women who just gets off on male attention. I don't know her, so I can't say which.

But she was clearly only interested in something platonic, and she realized that you wanted more (or her BF got a little suspicious, and forced her hand), so she's decided to pull back.

You need to: 

1) Suss out earlier if there's a BF in the picture. I'm really surprised that these women don't make it clear earlier, which is why I think they kind of get off on the attention, honestly. When I'm with someone, I always mention him in conversation, especially when I meet a new guy who seems to be sniffing around.

2) Make your move earlier--before you start to "fall" or get attached. That way, if you're going to get rejected, you can move on.

And I hate to say this, but are you really falling for these women? Or are you falling for the possibility of what they represent? If you're finding out they have BFs *after* you "fall" for them, you're obviously not getting to know them very well before you "fall." Or... you may be subconsciously going for women who aren't available because you're not ready for something real. You might be going to someone who isn't available because you're not emotionally available. Just food for thought.


----------



## Lifescript

FeministInPink said:


> Lifescript, did you know she had a boyfriend? Or was this a surprise to you?
> 
> It sounds like she didn't realize you were into her. She might have been oblivious to that. (It's possible, people. I've always had lots of male friends, ever since I was in junior high. I never thought anything of it. I now understand that at least SOME of them were sweet on me and had been too shy or whatever to do anything about it.) OR she could be one of those women who just gets off on male attention. I don't know her, so I can't say which.
> 
> But she was clearly only interested in something platonic, and she realized that you wanted more (or her BF got a little suspicious, and forced her hand), so she's decided to pull back.
> 
> You need to:
> 
> 1) Suss out earlier if there's a BF in the picture. I'm really surprised that these women don't make it clear earlier, which is why I think they kind of get off on the attention, honestly. When I'm with someone, I always mention him in conversation, especially when I meet a new guy who seems to be sniffing around.
> 
> 2) Make your move earlier--before you start to "fall" or get attached. That way, if you're going to get rejected, you can move on.
> 
> And I hate to say this, but are you really falling for these women? Or are you falling for the possibility of what they represent? If you're finding out they have BFs *after* you "fall" for them, you're obviously not getting to know them very well before you "fall." Or... you may be subconsciously going for women who aren't available because you're not ready for something real. You might be going to someone who isn't available because you're not emotionally available. Just food for thought.


Its one of those situations where she was broken up with the bf when we really started hanging out this summer. Ive known her for some time and regret not making a move before when there was no bf in the picture. I flirted some with her at the beach and circumstances led to us being left alone. We went for a walk. One thing led to the next we kissed. No sex. 

After that we really started texting a ton. Like everyday. 

Our conversations are like Ive never had with anyone. We have a lot in common. Then she started talking about the bf wanting her back blah blah blah. I started to back off a bit. She said not to go AWOL because she had gotten used to having me in her life. 

We kept talking. I kept trying to set dates but she wasnt biting. Then she said we shouldnt talk as much. My guess is she went back to the bf a few weeks prior and he found out how much we talk or she feels guilty now cos shes emotionally invested in me or fears she would cheat on him ... not sure. 

I dont know if Im in love ... im having lots of trouble with this though. Like I dont want to contact her respecting her wishes but cant say i dont miss her. 

She has some stuff going on that I was helping her with (family drama). So maybe is the white knight in me again rearing his ugly head or I just happen to like this girl a lot. I find myself thinking about her too much. Damn Script get it together. 

There are other girls interested but Im not interested. Not as attracted to them and also right now my mind is somwhere else. 

I cant lie. Secretly I hope things dont work out with the bf. Its not like they have been together long. This sounds selfish. 

I need to reassess things. 

Maybe I just need more time to detox. The weird thing is we didnt have sex and I know the girl last summer I got so attached too because of that. This one is all because of a comfort we built with each other.


----------



## Lifescript

Maybe you are right FIP. Maybe Im not available. Maybe Ive been alone too long now. 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> So ... I believe I have fallen again for someone I shouldn't have. She has a bf. Same thing happened last year with a coworker. Not sure if you guys remember. I havent been intimate or anything with this girl. Saw her a bunch this summer because we are in the same circle. We were getting very close, texting a lot and the like, getting to know each other but she recently told me she didnt feel ok with how things were going because of her bf and have asked that we dont talk as much.
> 
> This sucks big time. But I knew this could happen. Why do I get myself in these situations?
> 
> I'm such a hopeless romantic. Its stupid.
> 
> Also doesn't help that I've had no luck asking girls out. I need to get this girl out of my mind somehow.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


I think I mentioned the following last year, I will say it again:
Stop falling for Ne9907's.... yep because I pull the same sh!t. I have, or rather had, satellites all the time. This girl is a bit honest, she is telling you to tone down the texting, which is good.

I think you get into these situations because you are not ready to commit to someone. You are fooling yourself thinking that you are in LOVE, well, maybe you are in love. I cannot tell you how you feel.

Nothing good will come out of having these types of relationships with women who are taken. I feel that if a person leaves a relationship to be with you, what makes you think he/she will not do the same thing to you??

This weekend one of my BFFs is coming to see me~
We are going to a chocolate festival @ San Francisco tomorrow, then a Greek Festival on Sunday, and hopefully have some art time 

Nothing new on the dating front.

hot guy texted me the other day saying he has been really depressed. I have suffered from depression, therefore I offered some insight. Depression sucks..... I always have some words of comfort for people who suffer from this disease.
He invited me to his place, I said I was too busy and frankly, I do not want to see him because I might fall for his hotness again haha.
This was on Wednesday, then have not heard from him since.

If he invites me over to his place again, I am going to give him the full "I want a commitment, be my boyfriend, go on dates with me, take me out fishing, take me out hiking, no sex for a while...." That should scare him :grin2::grin2::grin2:

Also, the Vegas guy aka blue eyes has been a comfort to me.... Why is it that some men return? THis guy returned after 2 years!!! No plans to see each other. Just talking and he has offered his advice on some issues.

I am with you gals... dating is exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> I think I mentioned the following last year, I will say it again:
> Stop falling for Ne9907's.... yep because I pull the same sh!t. I have, or rather had, satellites all the time. This girl is a bit honest, she is telling you to tone down the texting, which is good.
> 
> I think you get into these situations because you are not ready to commit to someone. You are fooling yourself thinking that you are in LOVE, well, maybe you are in love. I cannot tell you how you feel.
> 
> Nothing good will come out of having these types of relationships with women who are taken. I feel that if a person leaves a relationship to be with you, what makes you think he/she will not do the same thing to you??
> 
> This weekend one of my BFFs is coming to see me~
> We are going to a chocolate festival @ San Francisco tomorrow, then a Greek Festival on Sunday, and hopefully have some art time
> 
> Nothing new on the dating front.
> 
> hot guy texted me the other day saying he has been really depressed. I have suffered from depression, therefore I offered some insight. Depression sucks..... I always have some words of comfort for people who suffer from this disease.
> He invited me to his place, I said I was too busy and frankly, I do not want to see him because I might fall for his hotness again haha.
> This was on Wednesday, then have not heard from him since.
> 
> If he invites me over to his place again, I am going to give him the full "I want a commitment, be my boyfriend, go on dates with me, take me out fishing, take me out hiking, no sex for a while...." That should scare him :grin2::grin2::grin2:
> 
> Also, the Vegas guy aka blue eyes has been a comfort to me.... Why is it that some men return? THis guy returned after 2 years!!! No plans to see each other. Just talking and he has offered his advice on some issues.
> 
> I am with you gals... dating is exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!


I hear you ne. 

Well ... it can't be coincidence that this keeps happening to me. I obviously attract or I'm attracted to ones who are not good for me.

I want to explore this idea that maybe I'm not ready for someone. Could it be that I'm not? I mean ... if the right person came along I feel I would be ready and put effort into making things work. 

I do think sometimes about how used I've gotten to being alone and do what I want, when I want. 

So ... I mean ... maybe this is not love but it's sure feels special. These damn songs are not helping either. I need to go on a hip hop/rock music spree. None of this love dovey stuff. We were used to send links to songs almost every day. 

I wouldnt try to pry her away from the bf cos if she can do that to him then she would do it to me too. 

I just have to move on and date others. If shes single in the future then maybe something can happen. 

Can't wait around for her. A friend in common tells me shes not happy with the bf. 

Good job on resisting hot guy advances ne.

Sounds like you are going to have a fun weekend. Enjoy!

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## moxy

Hi guys. I hope y'all are doing well. I've been immersed in work and avoiding dating for a while. It seemed like a good idea to fix my life, which has been a crazy mess, before meeting anyone new. But, I had a chance to hang out with Guy the other day because he was in town, and it was really awesome. That man is totally my kryptonite. Lol. These days, I think sex plus feelings = great, with or without labels and commitment.  Anyway, I'm mostly consumed by work, lately, but things have been both intensely good and intensely bad, in turns. Life is weird.


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## RandomDude

Work is nuts, I've been trying to slow down and delegate but today I just had to close those deals, too much potential revenue on the line... and I did, ~150K total. Oh the thrill of it!!! And the satisfaction!!! Holiday booked as well, I'm flying out of here with my baby girl.


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## moxy

RandomDude said:


> Work is nuts, I've been trying to slow down and delegate but today I just had to close those deals, too much potential revenue on the line... and I did, ~150K total. Oh the thrill of it!!! And the satisfaction!!! Holiday booked as well, I'm flying out of here with my baby girl.




Vacations are awesome! Always say yes to taking a trip with your kid.


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## RandomDude

Heh can't come soon enough, still even the anticipation of it, is helping calm my nerves. I do have a fear that I've been sitting on a ticking bomb though, and that it might go off as soon as I stand up. But I'm not giving my team any confidence the way I've been doing things lately, I need to back off, hands off. Trust. Not to mention my stress is affecting my time with my daughter. 

She's already very well travelled now as both myself and ex-wife have extended families overseas, but this time, I'm taking her to places that neither of us have ever been before, and planning it with her has been great fun - how the imagination runs wild with kids! I can almost bet it puts abit of color back on my white hairs


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## ne9907

Just venting and maybe asking advice on how to cope with work related stress.......

I am not smoking anymore, so I cant go out and have a cig to combat the stress. I have so much going on!!! Like so much!! I need to find my zen and calm down.
Live in the present. Just the present.


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## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Just venting and maybe asking advice on how to cope with work related stress.......
> 
> I am not smoking anymore, so I cant go out and have a cig to combat the stress. I have so much going on!!! Like so much!! I need to find my zen and calm down.
> Live in the present. Just the present.


How did you quit, Ne? Get yourself a copy of The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. You've already quit, but it will help you to deal with the stress. Right now, you think you need a smoke to help you cope with the stress, and that's actually causing you more stress than the actual stress. The book will help change your way of thinking.


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## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> How did you quit, Ne? Get yourself a copy of The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. You've already quit, but it will help you to deal with the stress. Right now, you think you need a smoke to help you cope with the stress, and that's actually causing you more stress than the actual stress. The book will help change your way of thinking.


I am sick of smoking. I am not a runner, but in my profession, I need to be able to run 2 miles within a specific amount of time. I suck.

I am not anywhere within the current time. I have always known smoking is bad for running but never truly acknowledged this until recently. Blue eyes is a big time runner. He has giving me advice on improving my running. He always hated the fact that I smoke. 

I have only been a non smoker since Saturday. I do not want to give in.... I really do not like smoking at all!!!!
So to answer your question... Sheer will power.

I am using my will power to quit. Nothing else will substitute (blue eye's words, not mine)


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## FeministInPink

GET THE BOOK!!!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> GET THE BOOK!!!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I will

On top of everything, I am so extremely horny.... like no tomorrow. I take care of myself but masturbation is definitely NOT the same. I will not call a fvck boy to help me out.... ugh... here is the best and most used excuse by smokers " I Picked the wrong time to quit"

I DO NOT CARE!!!!~~~ Fvck cigs, fvck being horny, fvck everything.... I just wanna lie down in a cold and dark room and sleep.

I am so cranky too!!!


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I will
> 
> 
> 
> On top of everything, I am so extremely horny.... like no tomorrow. I take care of myself but masturbation is definitely NOT the same. I will not call a fvck boy to help me out.... ugh... here is the best and most used excuse by smokers " I Picked the wrong time to quit"
> 
> 
> 
> I DO NOT CARE!!!!~~~ Fvck cigs, fvck being horny, fvck everything.... I just wanna lie down in a cold and dark room and sleep.
> 
> 
> 
> I am so cranky too!!!




Hang in there, Ne. You will get through this!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TooNice

Argh. Seriously... Just argh.

You know what I love about dating? The butterflies of a good first date. Potential. Excitement. Possibilities.

You know what I hate about dating right now in my life? All of those great feelings with the undertone of skepticism. He *seems* great. We sure felt like we connected. BUT... 

I am a give up my heart kind of girl by nature, and I dislike being skeptical. I know I've simply learned the great skill of self preservation, but I'd like to enjoy those fun butterfly feelings, too. 

One thing I do know is that I will rush into nothing. If he's worth it, he'll be patient with me. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife

Hi guys...add me to the list of people who is dating again. 

ne...your last post was sad but hysterical....I have only read the past page or two on this thread, and that post in particular sounded like a page out of Bridget Jones! 

Which was one of my favorite books by the way, I highly recommend it to women who are dating. It is so funny and makes light of all the crappy parts of dating (by mocking them) which feels good when you are in the thick of it. It makes you take a lighter look at things.

Much better than the movie, not even the same at all. I just listened to it again recently on audio books and laughed my ass off, since I've experienced everything she talks about in the past 6 months, and more.


----------



## bkyln309

Sorry to be so absent. This website keeps resetting my password and I got too lazy to reset it again. Finally had the time to do it.

Anyway nothing new to report on the dating front. Older Man is still in the picture. Was all ready to pull the plug and he rallied when he went away. UGH. I need to stop being so wussy about it and just do it. But I like all the fixes he has been doing to my house. No one else in the picture.

One of my closest friends is picking up and moving to my city from across the country. We have never dated because he is so far so he is picking up and moving because he wants me to consider dating him. He claims he has been in love with me for years. He is not really my physical type but everything else is so great.


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## bkyln309

Test


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

Faithful Wife said:


> Hi guys...add me to the list of people who is dating again.
> 
> ne...your last post was sad but hysterical....I have only read the past page or two on this thread, and that post in particular sounded like a page out of Bridget Jones!
> 
> Which was one of my favorite books by the way, I highly recommend it to women who are dating. It is so funny and makes light of all the crappy parts of dating (by mocking them) which feels good when you are in the thick of it. It makes you take a lighter look at things.
> 
> Much better than the movie, not even the same at all. I just listened to it again recently on audio books and laughed my ass off, since I've experienced everything she talks about in the past 6 months, and more.


Stick around! we are a lovely bunch.... I did throw myself a pity party yesterday. Feeling more focused and better today.


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Argh. Seriously... Just argh.
> 
> You know what I love about dating? The butterflies of a good first date. Potential. Excitement. Possibilities.
> 
> You know what I hate about dating right now in my life? All of those great feelings with the undertone of skepticism. He *seems* great. We sure felt like we connected. BUT...
> 
> I am a give up my heart kind of girl by nature, and I dislike being skeptical. I know I've simply learned the great skill of self preservation, but I'd like to enjoy those fun butterfly feelings, too.
> 
> One thing I do know is that I will rush into nothing. If he's worth it, he'll be patient with me.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Yesterday, I saw the following on FB and I totally aligned myself with the writing haha..

I feel too much!!!

OMG!! So last night the hot guy texted me again... I simply replied with the following:

" I want us to be exclusive. ie spending more time together doing activities, other than sex. Which also includes more effort on both of us"
he did not reply, and I am not expecting him to do so.
Even though he is so bad for me, I would have liked to explore something real. I am proud of myself though for speaking my mind.

Here is the photo TooNice (FYI Word Porn on FB has some pretty sappy, romantic, and inspirational quotes  )


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## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> One of my closest friends is picking up and moving to my city from across the country. We have never dated because he is so far so he is picking up and moving because he wants me to consider dating him. He claims he has been in love with me for years. He is not really my physical type but everything else is so great.


Is he relocating specifically because he wants to date you? That's a really big statement, and it also strikes me as a little odd. Grand romantic gesture... which speaks to idealistic, unrealistic expectations.

If everything else about him is right, though... he'll become your type


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## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Yesterday, I saw the following on FB and I totally aligned myself with the writing haha..
> 
> I feel too much!!!
> 
> OMG!! So last night the hot guy texted me again... I simply replied with the following:
> 
> " I want us to be exclusive. ie spending more time together doing activities, other than sex. Which also includes more effort on both of us"
> he did not reply, and I am not expecting him to do so.
> Even though he is so bad for me, I would have liked to explore something real. I am proud of myself though for speaking my mind.
> 
> Here is the photo TooNice (FYI Word Porn on FB has some pretty sappy, romantic, and inspirational quotes  )


Check out I Love My LSI on FB. Good sappy, romantic quotes  

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## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Is he relocating specifically because he wants to date you? That's a really big statement, and it also strikes me as a little odd. Grand romantic gesture... which speaks to idealistic, unrealistic expectations.
> 
> If everything else about him is right, though... he'll become your type



FIP: Yes but it has become convenient to move near me. His kids are moving out of state and basically he has no one left in his current state. We are super close and he said I may as well be in a place I can work until I retire. So he is selling his beach house but renting out his primary home back East. He says you need help and I would love to be there for you. I have always said to him we couldnt date due to the distance. He told me I am eliminating that obstacle. 

Like I said he has all the attributes of someone I would want long term. But switching from the platonic to the romantic may be difficult which I have explained to him. He is convinced that this is a good move for him either way. We shall see.


----------



## TooNice

I was right, of course. My nice date the other night has crossed a major line. He friend requested me on social media, which I have not accepted. But I see that he checked in the other night at the place we met, and posted one of my tinder pics in the comments saying he was with me (my first name only, fortunately). A family member asked who I was, and he replied "a very good friend". 

Ugh. Feeling very stalked at the moment. 


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Yesterday, I saw the following on FB and I totally aligned myself with the writing haha..
> 
> Here is the photo TooNice (FYI Word Porn on FB has some pretty sappy, romantic, and inspirational quotes  )


Love, love love this!


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## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Check out I Love My LSI on FB. Good sappy, romantic quotes
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I LOVE IT!!!! and I liked the page... so you could say things are pretty serious! 



TooNice said:


> I was right, of course. My nice date the other night has crossed a major line. He friend requested me on social media, which I have not accepted. But I see that he checked in the other night at the place we met, and posted one of my tinder pics in the comments saying he was with me (my first name only, fortunately). A family member asked who I was, and he replied "a very good friend".
> 
> Ugh. Feeling very stalked at the moment.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


TooNice, this is what I tell the men who want to add me on social media:

"You will NOT post anything on my wall, YOU will NOT tag me, you may like photos, but that is it"

OMG, specially if I am sleeping with someone!!!! I totally tell them NOT to post **** on my wall..... if they do, guess what?? UNFRIEND THEM and stop sleeping with them.

Also, I have the tagging option selected, which means I get a notification when someone tags me and I must approve the post.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I LOVE IT!!!! and I liked the page... so you could say things are pretty serious!
> 
> 
> 
> TooNice, this is what I tell the men who want to add me on social media:
> 
> "You will NOT post anything on my wall, YOU will NOT tag me, you may like photos, but that is it"
> 
> OMG, specially if I am sleeping with someone!!!! I totally tell them NOT to post **** on my wall..... if they do, guess what?? UNFRIEND THEM and stop sleeping with them.
> 
> Also, I have the tagging option selected, which means I get a notification when someone tags me and I must approve the post.


Here's the creepy part, though... we met once. Wasn't even a date yet. I never even told him my last name, and my FB is locked down. So, he did some work to find me. 

I'm going to have to have an uncomfortable talk with him. And no official date is going to happen.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Here's the creepy part, though... we met once. Wasn't even a date yet. I never even told him my last name, and my FB is locked down. So, he did some work to find me.
> 
> I'm going to have to have an uncomfortable talk with him. And no official date is going to happen.


OUCH!

Listen, if you are not invested on him then practice your boundary skills.
Be firm and assertive. Let him know that you felt violated and stalked by his behavior and entirely cut him off from your life.


----------



## TooNice

Ok, in his defense, I realized that the search by phone number option was public on FB. I told him I wasn't going to accept his request after just meeting, though. And I asked him to remove my photo, which he did immediately with apology. 

But he did cross a line, without a doubt.


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## 3Xnocharm

TooNice said:


> Here's the creepy part, though... we met once. Wasn't even a date yet. I never even told him my last name, and my FB is locked down. So, he did some work to find me.
> 
> I'm going to have to have an uncomfortable talk with him. And no official date is going to happen.


For sure NOT COOL.


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## Faithful Wife

I'm so glad I'm not on FB or any other social media. That way they can never stalk me, and I will never be tempted to stalk them, either. 

So many of my friends who are dating go through this. And they (my friends) end up being the creepy stalker within no time. They can't seem to help themselves, they stalk every new person they even talk to. Sometimes they find out valuable info (such as that the guy actually has a girlfriend or wife) but usually they just end up torturing themselves with random information or past information that has nothing to do with them. Ugh. I keep begging them to stop being a stalker but they can't seem to stop.

I'm afraid that would be me too....so I'll never go there.


----------



## TooNice

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm so glad I'm not on FB or any other social media. That way they can never stalk me, and I will never be tempted to stalk them, either.
> 
> 
> 
> So many of my friends who are dating go through this. And they (my friends) end up being the creepy stalker within no time. They can't seem to help themselves, they stalk every new person they even talk to. Sometimes they find out valuable info (such as that the guy actually has a girlfriend or wife) but usually they just end up torturing themselves with random information or past information that has nothing to do with them. Ugh. I keep begging them to stop being a stalker but they can't seem to stop.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm afraid that would be me too....so I'll never go there.




If it helps temper her tendency to do that, I have recently learned that if you search for someone and check out their profile, you will likely show up in their friends as a suggested friend. Talk about creepy...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> FIP: Yes but it has become convenient to move near me. His kids are moving out of state and basically he has no one left in his current state. We are super close and he said I may as well be in a place I can work until I retire. So he is selling his beach house but renting out his primary home back East. He says you need help and I would love to be there for you. I have always said to him we couldnt date due to the distance. He told me I am eliminating that obstacle.
> 
> Like I said he has all the attributes of someone I would want long term. But switching from the platonic to the romantic may be difficult which I have explained to him. He is convinced that this is a good move for him either way. We shall see.


If he's serious about you, I think he's going to show you all the ways he's better for you than older guy. And I mean that in a good way. Give him a chance--he might be really good for you.

Every good woman deserves a man who would move across the country for her


----------



## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> I was right, of course. My nice date the other night has crossed a major line. He friend requested me on social media, which I have not accepted. But I see that he checked in the other night at the place we met, and posted one of my tinder pics in the comments saying he was with me (my first name only, fortunately). A family member asked who I was, and he replied "a very good friend".
> 
> Ugh. Feeling very stalked at the moment.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Creepy, creepy, too soon!!!

Real Estate and I friended one another on FB pretty early on, but he's never active on Facebook, and I made a point NOT to tag him in anything--until he came to my birthday party (in mid-May) and made it clear we were together. I didn't tag him in anything again until a few weeks ago, when he came with me to have brunch with several of my friends and all their SOs, and we took a group picture. For which he stood in the back and acted like he was photo-bombing us, lol.

In fact, it's so funny, I'm going to share it with you:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/member...-estate-photo-bombing-our-brunch-picture.html

It's pretty obvious which one is Real Estate.

(You can only see the pic if you're friends with me.)


----------



## FeministInPink

But I did NOT post/tag a selfie that we took overlooking downtown DC last Sunday. Now I'm kind of wishing that I had, but it's a little too late now.

My intention is to do it enough that his friends get curious and eventually ask about me, but not so much that 1) it's obvious what I'm doing, and 2) gets annoyed and asks me to stop. Because it's about time that he introduces me to his friends and makes things a little more official. I appreciate that he's taking this slow and doesn't want to rush into anything, but it's been six months already. It's time.


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> If he's serious about you, I think he's going to show you all the ways he's better for you than older guy. And I mean that in a good way. Give him a chance--he might be really good for you.
> 
> Every good woman deserves a man who would move across the country for her


I couldn't agree more.


----------



## Faithful Wife

FeministInPink said:


> But I did NOT post/tag a selfie that we took overlooking downtown DC last Sunday. Now I'm kind of wishing that I had, but it's a little too late now.
> 
> My intention is to do it enough that his friends get curious and eventually ask about me, but not so much that 1) it's obvious what I'm doing, and 2) gets annoyed and asks me to stop. Because it's about time that he introduces me to his friends and makes things a little more official. I appreciate that he's taking this slow and doesn't want to rush into anything, but it's been six months already. It's time.


FIP....I don't know your story...do you have a thread or are the details on this thread? Or can you recap for me? I assume Real Estate is the man you are seeing. Why hasn't he introduced you to any friends? Just curious.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> If he's serious about you, I think he's going to show you all the ways he's better for you than older guy. And I mean that in a good way. Give him a chance--he might be really good for you.
> 
> Every good woman deserves a man who would move across the country for her


He already has. He is an awesome guy. He loves me. I just have to somehow take him from the friend zone and into the romantic one.


----------



## FeministInPink

Faithful Wife said:


> FIP....I don't know your story...do you have a thread or are the details on this thread? Or can you recap for me? I assume Real Estate is the man you are seeing. Why hasn't he introduced you to any friends? Just curious.


I haven't had my own thread since My divorce finalized. What I've posted about Real Estate is in this thread--if you search the thread for my posts over the last few months, you'll know as much as anyone else.

He was pretty traumatized by his divorce, and he hasn't dated anyone since, except me. And that was in 2011.

He had himself convinced that he NEVER wanted a relationship or a girlfriend EVER again. He was convinced that he wad going to be single for the rest of his life. And then I came along, when he least expected it. He's scared, and he's working through a lot of stuff. My presence in his life is forcing him to deal with a lot of unresolved stuff. He's healing, finally. He's taking things VERY SLOWLY. It's obvious to everyone that he's crazy about me, but he's pacing the relationship by holding back. 

He's taking baby steps. He trusts me, which is HUGE. (We both have significant trust issues.) He's finally referring to this as a relationship, and he's now comfortable making plans further into the future (we're talking about next summer), both of which are a really big fvcking deal, especially since only a few months ago he was saying that he never wanted a relationship or a girlfriend, and that he would always be single. He's testing the waters. He's testing himself. He doesn't want to fvck this up.

I'm not worried. We will get there. We're building our foundation now, and when we get there, we will be rock solid.


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm sounds like me... if that's the case, it's going to be a "crisis of faith"... and if he's like me, he might start sabotaging out of fear, or even out of the fact that a relationship is outside his comfort zone.

You'll need to soften his heart and ease his mind. He's lucky to have found you.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm sounds like me... if that's the case, it's going to be a "crisis of faith"... and if he's like me, he might start sabotaging out of fear, or even out of the fact that a relationship is outside his comfort zone.
> 
> You'll need to soften his heart and ease his mind. He's lucky to have found you.


RD--thanks. Funny, but you remember me mentioning my friend who is psychic? She said that exact thing about softening his heart, about 4 months ago. It's happening, albeit very slowly. And she said that he was lucky to have found me, because most women of my caliber aren't quite as patient as I am.

I don't think he'll start sabotaging. He's a smart guy. I think he's more worried that he'll fvck it up, which is why he's moving so slowly.


----------



## moxy

TooNice said:


> I was right, of course. My nice date the other night has crossed a major line. He friend requested me on social media, which I have not accepted. But I see that he checked in the other night at the place we met, and posted one of my tinder pics in the comments saying he was with me (my first name only, fortunately). A family member asked who I was, and he replied "a very good friend".
> 
> Ugh. Feeling very stalked at the moment.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Definitely creepy!


----------



## moxy

My dating life has consisted of strangeness lately:
--I got to see Guy because he was in town for the first time in a year and I realized that I still have a thing for him. we are going to see each other on his next vacation. I am trying not to cultivate my feelings and still have fun. He is my kryptonite, but I really love it.
--I recently started talking to an old friend again, just as friends but with some flirting. We have both had crushes on each other for many years. We live in different countries and have never been single at the same time. Flirting is fun, anyway.
--I met a bunch of people online who seemed interesting for a minute, but the interest faded fast. I felt like a jerk for admitting it, but I can't pretend I am into something when I'm not.
--Some immature, inexperienced creep on OKC decided that his pickup line to me should be a rape threat. No, really, he threatened to rape me (he actually even used the word rape). I reported and blocked him, but it scared me. WTF!?
--I'm realizing that dating is not appealing to me right now, that work sucks and I intend to quit my job soon, and that I am restless again so it is time to move to a different city, once more.


----------



## ne9907

moxy said:


> My dating life has consisted of strangeness lately:
> --I got to see Guy because he was in town for the first time in a year and I realized that I still have a thing for him. we are going to see each other on his next vacation. I am trying not to cultivate my feelings and still have fun. He is my kryptonite, but I really love it.
> --I recently started talking to an old friend again, just as friends but with some flirting. We have both had crushes on each other for many years. We live in different countries and have never been single at the same time. Flirting is fun, anyway.
> --I met a bunch of people online who seemed interesting for a minute, but the interest faded fast. I felt like a jerk for admitting it, but I can't pretend I am into something when I'm not.
> --Some immature, inexperienced creep *on OKC *decided that his pickup line to me should be a rape threat. No, really, he threatened to rape me (he actually even used the word rape). I reported and blocked him, but it scared me. WTF!?
> --I'm realizing that dating is not appealing to me right now, that work sucks and I intend to quit my job soon, and that I am restless again so it is time to move to a different city, once more.


OKC is full of weirdos... ouch... sorry!!! Let me rephrase, the world is full of strange people. DO not take anything personally.
You will get the over-optimistic 20 something year olds, the super tall man who have a fetish with short women (me), the extremely old men.... When I was on OKC I did not answer 99% of the messages because they would start with "OMG, you are so pretty" or "you are super hot" etc. 


On me news.... quitting one habit made me pick up another (momentarily)

I date a guy on and off for 1.5 years (FiP dubbed him "loser")
We are still friends and talk often. He gives me emotional support when I need it, he is a good friend. I love him as a friend.

Yesterday, on my way to a 3 week training, I stopped at his place. We had dinner, we talked, he is such a great friend but would make a bad boyfriend for me. 
We both agree on that. He agrees with me, I agree with him, but we still have amazing sex.

I have also thought about the hot guy a lot....

People!!! Here is what the loser looks like (he is in the photo with me) and also the hot guy.... I feel like sharing 

Talk About Marriage - ne9907's Album: none

yes @FeministInPink inspired me


----------



## FeministInPink

moxy said:


> My dating life has consisted of strangeness lately:
> --I got to see Guy because he was in town for the first time in a year and I realized that I still have a thing for him. we are going to see each other on his next vacation. I am trying not to cultivate my feelings and still have fun. He is my kryptonite, but I really love it.
> --I recently started talking to an old friend again, just as friends but with some flirting. We have both had crushes on each other for many years. We live in different countries and have never been single at the same time. Flirting is fun, anyway.
> --I met a bunch of people online who seemed interesting for a minute, but the interest faded fast. I felt like a jerk for admitting it, but I can't pretend I am into something when I'm not.
> --Some immature, inexperienced creep on OKC decided that his pickup line to me should be a rape threat. No, really, he threatened to rape me (he actually even used the word rape). I reported and blocked him, but it scared me. WTF!?
> --I'm realizing that dating is not appealing to me right now, that work sucks and I intend to quit my job soon, and that I am restless again so it is time to move to a different city, once more.


I just have this feeling that you and Guy will eventually end up together. The timing just hasn't been right yet. But you're a good fit, and the chemistry is there.

I think the universe kept it from happening previously because you had too much else going on before, and you weren't ready for him. You weren't going to have the time or energy for a relationship between all your work stuff and your dad. So the universe kept you apart for a little.

But I think you need to stay in touch, and keep this man in your life, until either the universe brings you back together, or until you want to be together enough that you make it happen. He's your Guy.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> OKC is full of weirdos... ouch... sorry!!! Let me rephrase, the world is full of strange people. DO not take anything personally.
> You will get the over-optimistic 20 something year olds, the super tall man who have a fetish with short women (me), the extremely old men.... When I was on OKC I did not answer 99% of the messages because they would start with "OMG, you are so pretty" or "you are super hot" etc.
> 
> 
> On me news.... quitting one habit made me pick up another (momentarily)
> 
> I date a guy on and off for 1.5 years (FiP dubbed him "loser")
> We are still friends and talk often. He gives me emotional support when I need it, he is a good friend. I love him as a friend.
> 
> Yesterday, on my way to a 3 week training, I stopped at his place. We had dinner, we talked, he is such a great friend but would make a bad boyfriend for me.
> We both agree on that. He agrees with me, I agree with him, but we still have amazing sex.
> 
> I have also thought about the hot guy a lot....
> 
> People!!! Here is what the loser looks like (he is in the photo with me) and also the hot guy.... I feel like sharing
> 
> Talk About Marriage - ne9907's Album: none
> 
> yes @FeministInPink inspired me


all right... so the loser isn't so bad looking, I can see why you go back, but seriously, he's no good for you and treats you like crap. Never again, Ne!!!

Any word from hot guy on if he would be willing to pursue something more serious?


----------



## FeministInPink

I haven't seen Real Estate since last Sunday. We've spoken on the phone a few times this week, but I didn't go over to his place mid-week like I usually do. He was a little grumpy last weekend, so I thought that maybe we needed a little time apart. (He's cutting back to quitting the smoking MJ, and it's made him a little grumpy.) So I didn't go over during the week, or even suggest it--if he had invited me, or suggested it.

He started texting me this morning... he won't say it directly, but he misses me. :grin2:


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

bkyln309 said:


> One of my closest friends is picking up and moving to my city from across the country. We have never dated because he is so far so he is picking up and moving because he wants me to consider dating him. He claims he has been in love with me for years. He is not really my physical type but everything else is so great.


I would find it worrisome to have someone uproot their life and move across the country for someone they hope to maybe date.

I can understand kids moving away meaning fewer ties to a community, but not none. Doesn't this guy have any friends? Close work colleagues? I would be concerned about a guy old enough to have grown kids who is so willing to move for a dream. Has he been reluctant to put down roots because he's been harbouring Oneitis for you all this time?

There's no way the reality of you could live up to his dream of you. It's just impossible for anyone.

And, when you said you would never date him because he was so far away, did you mean

A) wish I could date you but my heart can't handle long distance

or 

B) I don't want to date you but I'm blaming it on distance so as not to hurt your feelings.

You are both in for some hurt if he thinks it's A but it's really B.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> all right... so the loser isn't so bad looking, I can see why you go back, but seriously, he's no good for you and treats you like crap. Never again, Ne!!!
> 
> Any word from hot guy on if he would be willing to pursue something more serious?


Funny, I personally do not think the loser guy is overly attractive. In my opinion, he has a raw aura, this aura draws me to him. I love his advice. For example, when I began dating him, January 2015, I thought I was not good enough for him.... Well... thanks to him, I now know that I am enough, I do not have to prove myself to a man. He has helped my self confidence a lot, he has also helped me navigate difficult times in my life.

I have not heard from the hot guy, I scared him with my text. That was my intention yet I miss talking to him on a daily basis. I do not even do that with the loser guy. However, I do understand he is not a good match for me.... I miss him though....

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO..... I found this article.... Perhaps I am like one of these women
I Can?t Believe They Don?t Want Me Syndrome


----------



## ne9907

With all the relationship talk I forgot to ask advice on an issue I might be having

Ex-husband and I have been done for 3 years. I moved from OK to CA, and lived at my mom's for about 5 months. Ex has never lived there. Ever. He knows my mom's address. My mom has lived in the same place since before I got married. I

Yesterday, I also stopped to visit my mom. She showed me A LOT of credit card offers that are being send to ex husband at my mom's place.... I feel he is using my mom's address on purpose. Why put a CA address if he lives in OK?? 


Has this happened to any of you before??

Of course, I am thinking the ex is acting stupid and figuring out a way to keep his memory in my mind...


----------



## wilson

ne9907 said:


> Yesterday, I also stopped to visit my mom. She showed me A LOT of credit card offers that are being send to ex husband at my mom's place.... I feel he is using my mom's address on purpose. Why put a CA address if he lives in OK??


If it's just credit card *offers*, then it's probably just junk mail lists that think you're still married. Since you have a new address, they figure your H is also at that address. I would guess your H still gets junk mail for you and it will continue even if he moved to a new house.

I can't think of any reason your H would purposefully use your mom's address like that. If he's applying for cards, what good is it if the cards go to your mom?


----------



## ne9907

wilson said:


> If it's just credit card *offers*, then it's probably just junk mail lists that think you're still married. Since you have a new address, they figure your H is also at that address. I would guess your H still gets junk mail for you and it will continue even if he moved to a new house.
> 
> I can't think of any reason your H would purposefully use your mom's address like that. If he's applying for cards, what good is it if the cards go to your mom?


perhaps, but
I do not live at that address. I have not lived at that address since two years ago. Divorce has been final for almost two years


----------



## Bananapeel

Can you put a forward on his mail at her house so it goes to him? That would solve the problem and you wouldn't ever have to see his mail. It might take his signature on the request, though.


----------



## ne9907

Bananapeel said:


> Can you put a forward on his mail at her house so it goes to him? That would solve the problem and you wouldn't ever have to see his mail. It might take his signature on the request, though.


I could, but I do not know where he lives. I have not spoken to him in over 2 years, I haven't seen him in over 3 years.
All I keep thinking about is "this mofo is ****ing with my head again!" However, I have to remind myself that whatever he does is not about me. Just him.

Ex is a bad person, devious, and overall bad person..... I actually do not think he used my mom's address on purpose (believe me, my gut feeling says he did) I feel he is doing some shady business... so the letters are arriving.

THis is the man who has used my email address to open different accounts to include porn websites.


----------



## ne9907

I did it again....

I am talking to a man who seems to be everything I am looking for in a man.... yep

I know Ive said I will stop chasing men, and focus on myself. I am like the song "Someone new"

I kinda fall in love too easily, rather I get infatuated too easy haha... 

THis guy though, either he read all of my FB (we are FB friends) and I mean ALL of it, or we really do share important spiritual ideology, morals, etc. 
I met this man on OKC.

I am glad I met him because I recognized an insight into my psyche.... Whenever I find a man too "manly" I feel intimidated, as in I am not good enough for them.... Hence, all the losers I've dated in the past, they were always harmless..

THe fact remains that I must practice my dating skills, I must practice being in a relationship. He disabled his OKC profile, not sure if the fact that we are talking has anything to do with his decision. He didn't tell me and I did not ask. 



The silver lining? I will not be able to meet him face to face until the week of October 10th... So... we have plenty of time to just talk and get to know each other. We have already talked on the phone. His voice is so sexy.


----------



## FeministInPink

@ne9907 He read ALL your Facebook posts? You already friended him on Facebook? 

That sounds a little iffy to me. Be careful. Take things slow.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> @ne9907 He read ALL your Facebook posts? You already friended him on Facebook?
> 
> That sounds a little iffy to me. Be careful. Take things slow.


I was making an assumption he read all my FB post, because we actually have so many things in common. 
THe more we talk, the more in common we have. I do not tell him my views.

He expresses his views, likes, and dislikes. 80% of those are same as mine. He is spiritual, which is so important to me. I have been on the path of finding an spiritual soul to experience and growth in life.

I have not met him. Even if I wanted to meet him, I cant yet. I will not be able to meet him until the week of the 10th of October. I come back to my place on the 8th, but he has his kid that weekend. He was married once. 

I am glad the Universe is keeping us apart for now... This is time we are using to get to know each other better with phone calls and texts. Conversation with him flows easily.

We shall see. I am moving hella slow.


----------



## bkyln309

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I would find it worrisome to have someone uproot their life and move across the country for someone they hope to maybe date.
> 
> I can understand kids moving away meaning fewer ties to a community, but not none. Doesn't this guy have any friends? Close work colleagues? I would be concerned about a guy old enough to have grown kids who is so willing to move for a dream. Has he been reluctant to put down roots because he's been harbouring Oneitis for you all this time?
> 
> There's no way the reality of you could live up to his dream of you. It's just impossible for anyone.
> 
> And, when you said you would never date him because he was so far away, did you mean
> 
> A) wish I could date you but my heart can't handle long distance
> 
> or
> 
> B) I don't want to date you but I'm blaming it on distance so as not to hurt your feelings.
> 
> You are both in for some hurt if he thinks it's A but it's really B.



He has plenty of friends and activities where he lives. Active in his church and community. He has been in that area for years. 

We have been friends for years. We talk almost daily. We are close like family. He is a great guy. He is a risk taker. It just who he is. Not surprising he would just pick up and move. He can always move back if he needs to. His job is in both cities. He is not selling his primary residence. Its rented out to his friends. He only sold his beach property. Its a risk but a calculated one. I think his friends are betting he only stays here a year. Maybe, maybe not. 

I told him the same thing that in the daily grind of life, I wont live up to his expectations. To not move just for me. He claims he isnt. That he needs a change but he wants to be able to have the possibility of us. 

As for my feelings, I dont know. Again, I never let myself go there as we lived across the country. He didnt reveal his romantic feelings to me until January of last year after I had spent Christmas time with my family and had the opportunity to see him quite a bit. He is everything I could want in a partner long term. Attractive, smart, great dad. But it will only be in the day to day that I find out if I can love him as more than a friend. I simply dont know 

We will see what happens.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> I haven't seen Real Estate since last Sunday. We've spoken on the phone a few times this week, but I didn't go over to his place mid-week like I usually do. He was a little grumpy last weekend, so I thought that maybe we needed a little time apart. (He's cutting back to quitting the smoking MJ, and it's made him a little grumpy.) So I didn't go over during the week, or even suggest it--if he had invited me, or suggested it.
> 
> He started texting me this morning... he won't say it directly, but he misses me. :grin2:


Are things back to normal this week?


----------



## ne9907

@FeministInPink 
I also like to friend (FB) future mates early on so that I may view their public personas. Most times, I gain an understand on their lives by their posting.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Are things back to normal this week?


Yes, they are 

I think he was a little grumpy because his birthday was coming up (it was this past Thursday). He's having some midlife angst (he turned 48) about getting older, plus his former wedding anniversary is the day after his birthday. And he apparently proposed to his ex ON his birthday. So there was a lot of negative sh!t floating around in his head that he was working through. 

Things are progressing forward in a positive manner.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> @FeministInPink
> I also like to friend (FB) future mates early on so that I may view their public personas. Most times, I gain an understand on their lives by their posting.


I see. I'm more interested in keeping my stuff private, so I'm more inclined to wait.


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> I see. I'm more interested in keeping my stuff private, so I'm more inclined to wait.


Me too, there are way too many creepers to open my profile up like that to people I don't know.

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

Guys... I think my days on the Singles thread are coming to a close. Real Estate asked me to do a couples costume for Halloween! *swoon*

But in all seriousness (and seriously, we're actually doing a couples costume--Poison Ivy and Batman), something clicked for us this weekend. I don't really know how to explain it.

We were getting ready to go out on Saturday, and he was tightening/tying my corset, and he said something like, "I hope your next boyfriend likes corsets."

Me: Next boyfriend?

Him: Yeah. There's always a next boyfriend.

Now, previously, when he says something off-hand that implies that this won't be long-term, I've always heard it as him communicating that he didn't want anything serious or that he doesn't want me for the long haul. I've never really known how to respond, so previously I've brushed past it. But this time... I realized that he's saying this to protect himself, to keep his expectations low, to remind himself that I will eventually leave.

In that moment, I knew I needed to make my intentions clear. He needed some reassurance from me. I said, "I don't want a next boyfriend. I want to keep you."

I think that's the moment when everything clicked into place, for both of us. We are both IN THIS. For real. 

Guys. I'm not single anymore 


Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Guys... I think my days on the Singles thread are coming to a close. Real Estate asked me to do a couples costume for Halloween! *swoon*
> 
> But in all seriousness (and seriously, we're actually doing a couples costume--Poison Ivy and Batman), something clicked for us this weekend. I don't really know how to explain it.
> 
> We were getting ready to go out on Saturday, and he was tightening/tying my corset, and he said something like, "I hope your next boyfriend likes corsets."
> 
> Me: Next boyfriend?
> 
> Him: Yeah. There's always a next boyfriend.
> 
> Now, previously, when he says something off-hand that implies that this won't be long-term, I've always heard it as him communicating that he didn't want anything serious or that he doesn't want me for the long haul. I've never really known how to respond, so previously I've brushed past it. But this time... I realized that he's saying this to protect himself, to keep his expectations low, to remind himself that I will eventually leave.
> 
> In that moment, I knew I needed to make my intentions clear. He needed some reassurance from me. I said, "I don't want a next boyfriend. I want to keep you."
> 
> I think that's the moment when everything clicked into place, for both of us. We are both IN THIS. For real.
> 
> Guys. I'm not single anymore
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk



So happy for you. And so admiring your insight into the situation!! You go!! I hope you still post here as we love your advice. But glad you found a good man!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> I think that's the moment when everything clicked into place, for both of us. We are both IN THIS. For real.
> 
> Guys. I'm not single anymore
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk



Bout damn time! :wink2: I am very happy for you!


----------



## ne9907

@FeministInPink so happy for you!!! This guy is so lucky~


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> Bout damn time! :wink2: I am very happy for you!


I think taking our time was important for both of us. It forced me to pace myself, and he needed the time to be sure about me. We're both still healing (together) as well, and that's not something that you want to rush.

We did get into a little fight this past weekend. We've had a few of those since we made up in July... I remember with my XH, I used to be so scared of fighting, because he would just shut me out over any disagreement. It still kind of amazes me... to know that we can have a fight, and he's not going to hold our relationship hostage as a result, to know that he's still going to care about me in spite of our disagreements, it kind of blows me away. I didn't realize how deeply that concept was ingrained in me. The fights and disagreements we've had have seemed to strengthen our bond, not weaken it.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> @FeministInPink so happy for you!!! This guy is so lucky~


Awe, thanks 

But I'm really lucky, too. He's a great guy. He has his flaws, too, like everyone does, but he's something special. He doesn't realize it. Sometimes I think part of his reticence is that he doesn't understand why I like him, why I want to be with him. That part makes me a little sad. I know it's because of the trauma of his divorce.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Just came back from a rather rejuvenating and bonding overseas holiday with my little one...

Feel a little... odd =/


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## Lifescript

Happy for you FIP! You guys took your time which is important. And arguments will happen. The key thing is to not let it linger and resentment to build. Good luck! 

I went on a first date Friday night. Me and her have been talking for a while. I had asked her out before and she always had plans. She is super busy with work and has a ton of friends so always have plans. 

We made plans to go out 2 weeks ago but something came up on my end that made it imposible for me to make it. She understood the situation and wr agreed to go out another time. 

Friday she was supposed to go to the movies with friends. Plans didn't materialize. She texted me about it. She asked what I was doing and if I wanted to meet that night. I said ok and took her to a restaurant for dinner and drinks. 

I got promoted at work, something I told her. We had a great time at the restaurants. Lots of laugh, some touching, some deep connection over similar values (family, work ethic, goals, etc). 

When we were getting ready to leave I was looking for the waitress to ask for the check. She said no lets go without paying with a smirk. I was caught off guard. She was playing. She paid the bill when she went to the bathroom. I was shocked. Never has a girl paid for the tab. Felt weird. She said hey we are celebrating your promotion. My treat! She has a good job and is independent. 

On our way back (she picked me up because my car is in the shop) we listened to music and talked more. Connected on a lot of things. I know from knowing her for some time that she is a really good person with great values. I'd like to see where this can go. 

When she dropped me off I went for a kiss. She laughed and said no, I dont kiss on first date. It didnt get awkward or anything. Just said "cant blame a man for trying" and said it was her fault for looking so amazing. She laughed and said I will get to know her and what she is about. 

So I have to take it slow with her. I went for the kiss to let her know what I want, not just friends. 

So we have texted some and I always make her laugh with stuff I tell her. I will ask her out this weekend. What are some good second date places to go? 

Any thoughts on this. 

Someone said women pay sometimes so guys dont think that because they paid they are owed something. Dont think this is the case. She just really wanted to treat me for the promotion. She knows how hard I worked to get it. Needless to say next date im paying for everything. I always pay. 


Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## Bananapeel

Lifescript said:


> . I will ask her out this weekend. What are some good second date places to go?
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


Right now is great for the seasonal activities. Depending on where you live you may have just missed the apple picking season at the orchards or might be able to catch the tail end of it. A good pumpkin patch or haunted house are always a lot of fun. I took a girl out for zombie paintball hunting a couple weeks ago and we had a blast and on the way back did an impromptu stop at a local winery for some wine tasting. Also keep in mind that fall is a great time to do the campfire thing in your backyard where you throw a grate on the fire, cook some burgers, enjoy a beer, and make smores for dessert (probably better for a future time after you've been dating for a little while).


----------



## TooNice

The parade of winning dates continues. After stalker guy took down my pic on FB, he (thankfully) has not contacted me again. I did however, hear from the guy that I was ready to try a relationship with. The one who ghosted me when I told him that. After he asked for it. He friend requested me and sent me a private message... "Hey, how have you been?" 

Um... WTF?

Last night, I met someone for drinks. Younger, lawyer, cute. Drunk when I arrived. I did stay, and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He could be a nice guy, but he won't be seeing me again. The whole night was just too weird. 

I have plans to meet another man after work. My expectations are sadly starting to sink more and more. This is almost reaching comedy levels for me. I'm thinking of writing a book about my experiences. "The New Dating Game: Married, Stalker, or Socially Inept?"

Part of me says I should stop, but I really do think there are good ones out there. I am bound and determined to find one!


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## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> Right now is great for the seasonal activities. Depending on where you live you may have just missed the apple picking season at the orchards or might be able to catch the tail end of it. A good pumpkin patch or haunted house are always a lot of fun. I took a girl out for zombie paintball hunting a couple weeks ago and we had a blast and on the way back did an impromptu stop at a local winery for some wine tasting. Also keep in mind that fall is a great time to do the campfire thing in your backyard where you throw a grate on the fire, cook some burgers, enjoy a beer, and make smores for dessert (probably better for a future time after you've been dating for a little while).


Thanks. Great suggestions. I like the apple picking idea, nice drive, nice view, awesome colors with the foliage. Talking to her last night she says she has always to learn to ice skate. That is something I happen to be very good at and enjoy. Skating was one of my fav hobbies.

She also likes museums so thats another option. 

I have a few things in mind. 

Thanks,


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## moxy

FIP -- that's awesome! That "in love" energy is pretty great.  

Everyone -- I have some big news: my divorce is finally finalized!  Ex and I split up years ago, but the paperwork was in limbo; now, I am officially free to leave the past behind me.


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## Lifescript

moxy said:


> FIP -- that's awesome! That "in love" energy is pretty great.
> 
> Everyone -- I have some big news: my divorce is finally finalized!  Ex and I split up years ago, but the paperwork was in limbo; now, I am officially free to leave the past behind me.


Congrats Moxy!!!


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## TooNice

moxy said:


> FIP -- that's awesome! That "in love" energy is pretty great.
> 
> Everyone -- I have some big news: my divorce is finally finalized!  Ex and I split up years ago, but the paperwork was in limbo; now, I am officially free to leave the past behind me.




Moxy, that is awesome news. Congratulations!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lifescript

TooNice said:


> The parade of winning dates continues. After stalker guy took down my pic on FB, he (thankfully) has not contacted me again. I did however, hear from the guy that I was ready to try a relationship with. The one who ghosted me when I told him that. After he asked for it. He friend requested me and sent me a private message... "Hey, how have you been?"
> 
> Um... WTF?
> 
> Last night, I met someone for drinks. Younger, lawyer, cute. Drunk when I arrived. I did stay, and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He could be a nice guy, but he won't be seeing me again. The whole night was just too weird.
> 
> I have plans to meet another man after work. My expectations are sadly starting to sink more and more. This is almost reaching comedy levels for me. I'm thinking of writing a book about my experiences. "The New Dating Game: Married, Stalker, or Socially Inept?"
> 
> Part of me says I should stop, but I really do think there are good ones out there. I am bound and determined to find one!


Don't give up. Keep at it. Just live a happy life and do you. You are bound to find someone. 

The guy was drunk when you got there yikes! 

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk


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## bkyln309

Moxy: congrats on the divorce.


Lifescript: I love activity/active dates. I am not much of an eating out as a date girl. I think she will love the change of pace from the typical date. And walking in the leaves is romantic


Toonice: Drunk when you showed up is a very bad sign. Keep going. Your luck has to change.


As for me, nothing is going on. Still seeing the older man but our schedules just arent synced. So its alot of alone time for me.


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## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Moxy: congrats on the divorce.
> 
> 
> Lifescript: I love activity/active dates. I am not much of an eating out as a date girl. I think she will love the change of pace from the typical date. And walking in the leaves is romantic
> 
> 
> Toonice: Drunk when you showed up is a very bad sign. Keep going. Your luck has to change.
> 
> 
> As for me, nothing is going on. Still seeing the older man but our schedules just arent synced. So its alot of alone time for me.


I personally enjoy action dates more than the usual dinner and drinks. Invited her out to a farm I go this time of year to get pumpkins and enjoy the changing of the seasons. There's also I nice restaurant on the way back. Texted her this afternoon. No reply. She is a very busy career woman but damn ... 6 hrs to reply ... won't worry about it. I feel we had great chemistry on first date. Unless I'm reading her wrong she will go out with me again. If not, on to the next.

Still with older man huh ... you guys have now been together for a long stretch of time. Wish you luck whatever may be in store for you both.


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## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> I personally enjoy action dates more than the usual dinner and drinks. Invited her out to a farm I go this time of year to get pumpkins and enjoy the changing of the seasons. There's also I nice restaurant on the way back. Texted her this afternoon. No reply. She is a very busy career woman but damn ... 6 hrs to reply ... won't worry about it. I feel we had great chemistry on first date. Unless I'm reading her wrong she will go out with me again. If not, on to the next.
> 
> Still with older man huh ... you guys have now been together for a long stretch of time. Wish you luck whatever may be in store for you both.



Hope it works out for you. 

Yes older man and I have been dating for year and 7 months. Dont know when it will end. I have given up trying. Just enjoying the ride. It wont end in marriage for sure but right now its comfortable.


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## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Hope it works out for you.
> 
> Yes older man and I have been dating for year and 7 months. Dont know when it will end. I have given up trying. Just enjoying the ride. It wont end in marriage for sure but right now its comfortable.


I see no problem with that. You know where you stand and enjoy aspects of the relationship. No relationship is perfect. Enjoy the ride while it lasts.


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## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> I see no problem with that. You know where you stand and enjoy aspects of the relationship. No relationship is perfect. Enjoy the ride while it lasts.


Thats the conclusion I came to. I spent so much time stressed out about the right time to break up with him and outlining why the lack of long term potential negated the short term benefits of him in my life. It was driving me crazy. Then the light bulb went on. I am enjoying him right now. We have talked about the shortcomings of this relationship. There is literally no one who I am remotely interested in and I have no interest in looking right now. Why not just enjoy what it is now until it no longer works in the short term. 

He is a good guy at the heart of it. He respects me and doesnt cheat. We are great friends. I am going to enjoy the gift of him while I can.


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## Lifescript

She texted me late last night with the monkey covering the eyes icon. She said she got very busy. We texted a bit. My last text was me asking if we are on for Sat for our next date. Jokingly said her options were to say yes or say yes 

No reply. This morning she texts asking how an important meeting I had today went. We texted some more. No answer about the date proposal. 

Then around 6 she calls me. She says she is on her way to the gym. We talk a bit. I see her calling as a sign of interest. Still she hasnt replied to me asking her out. We then talk on the phone so more tonight. Some good convo but nothing about Sat is sad. 

I felt like maybe I should have brought it up while having her on the phone but also didnt want to push it too much. I already told her by text twice. How you guys read this and how you think I should proceed with this one.


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## Bananapeel

@Lifescript - What I suggest is instead of asking if she wants to go out on Sat, ask her out with the specifics by saying something like "I'm going to go to the farm on Saturday at 6 PM. Would you like to go on a date with me there?" No matter what she says make sure you go either way and have a good time. If she doesn't reply or says she isn't interested stop talking with her and move onto the next prospect.


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## bkyln309

Bananapeel said:


> @Lifescript - What I suggest is instead of asking if she wants to go out on Sat, ask her out with the specifics by saying something like "I'm going to go to the farm on Saturday at 6 PM. Would you like to go on a date with me there?" No matter what she says make sure you go either way and have a good time. If she doesn't reply or says she isn't interested stop talking with her and move onto the next prospect.



Lifescript: This advice is solid. And definitely ask her on the phone so she has to respond. Honestly, it sounds like she is waiting to see if other plans solidify before answering your question. But I would ask out right.


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## Lifescript

Thanks bananapeel and bklyn. 

We've been texting a lot today. Initiated by her. No mention if she can make it tomorrow or not. Ive made other plans anyways so even if she was to respond with s yes we would have to go some other time. 

Thankd guys,


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## GuyInColorado

Just text her... "So, what are we doing tomorrow night? I want to see you." Be confident!


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## Lifescript

GuyInColorado said:


> Just text her... "So, what are we doing tomorrow night? I want to see you." Be confident!


I like this. It's straight forward and to the point stating your intent. She either agrees to meet or give alternative days. If not, shes not interested. Ill let you know how it goes.


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## RandomDude

TooNice said:


> Last night, I met someone for drinks. Younger, lawyer, cute. Drunk when I arrived. I did stay, and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He could be a nice guy, but he won't be seeing me again. The whole night was just too weird.


Lol!

Awww, maybe he was so infatuated by you that he thought he needed some "confidence boosters" when he met you


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## ne9907

Hello all!!

I had a breakdown, or quite possibly could still be having one. I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past. I was on medication yet stopped taking them back in May because "I felt better"

My job has been so stressful! I moved to a town in June, been here ever since then. I have been too busy with work that I have not been paying attention to my mental health.
I've met the hot guy, which I now see was part of deflecting my emotional state.

Anyway, hot guy's fling fizzle. Then I met another guy. You may read on him if you like
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/351650-why-do-men-hold-off-having-sex-too-soon.html

Anyway, Sunday we had another date. I went to his place. He seemed a bit off because he was having a bad day. I was not feeling well, and almost cancelled but decided to get out and be social.

Upon arrival to his place, he gave me another book, Robert Frost collected work. I was delighted and thought "more signs from the universe!"
I had only spoken about Frost once.

He also had sake (because he knows I am currently having issues drinking wine). Everything he does, or did, was thoughtful. 
We played chess, talked, drank sake, and I asked him to give me a hit of weed..... 
I never smoke.

I took one hit and things got weird.
I felt as if I was a galaxy. I kept crying because I was so happy!!! I felt my tears and did not know why I was crying. I felt so much. I was hyperventilating. I was ready to go supernova. I felt all the colors in my heart. Yet, I could not stop crying.
Then... well panic set in. I did not want him to leave me, even if he would go to the kitchen, I almost died every time he left the room. I also kept reaching for his hand. I kept reaching for him... all this time, I am scared ****less he would leave, I am also scared ****less of drinking water even though I am dying of thirst, I also believe I am a supernova.

I also felt he was getting annoyed... at one point, he said he could not wait for me to come down and leave... I cried again. Asked him why he would do that?
He tried to get sexy with me and I cried... I lost it again and kept begging him NOT TO do that to me...?

So I finally came down, he is annoyed. He said nothing at all. I gave him a hug and left.

Next morning, yesterday I still felt strange. I asked him about what happened. He said things were awkward and very strange.

I apologized again, and stated "So are we done now?"

He said, "well, I do not want to go through all that mess ever again, so yes?"

That was it. That sent me over the edge. I had been feeling anxious and depressed lately, not to mention over stressed, overwhelmed (work).

I have a mental condition called depression and anxiety. The connection I felt we had, the connection brought to me from the Universe, did not exist. This is beyond pain for my soul. I feel as if I bared my soul (yeah, a messy, flawed soul, but still mine) and he did not like me.

Anyway, I have an appointment with a new therapist. I hate feeling this way. Please do not say, stop feeling this way, stop messing around with men. I wish it was as simple as saying "do this!"

On the bright side, I have an awesome group of friends! They live so far away from me, but always answer their phones when I call.

I wonder if some of these feelings are still residual from what I smoked... 

I am just depressed, anxious, but things will get better. Always do!~


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## Bananapeel

Wow, ne, what was in that weed?


----------



## ne9907

Bananapeel said:


> Wow, ne, what was in that weed?


I don't know. I didn't ask. My other friend also thought the weed was laced with something. I really do not want to call the guy and ask him...

What is done is done. I thought my reaction was over the top, but I really wouldn't know since I do not engage in recreational stuff.

I am in so much emotional pain right now though... I want to jump out of my skin. Cant wait till tomorrow (therapy app)

I actually hadn't had an episode this bad... I hate it so much...


----------



## movealong

It's been a while since I stopped in to say hello, so "hello!". 

3 1/2 years sober, 3 years post separation, 2 years post divorce, 1 year in the new house, 3 short term relationships later, and I am happy and enjoying my life. 

DD doesn't mind me dating, but she is definitely not ready for me to find someone long term. I'd like to have a steady woman in my life, but at this time it just hasn't happened yet. I have had several dates from POF and *******, but the choices close to me are limited. 

Anyway, things are over all pretty damn good. I am grateful for the life I have. It beats being in a miserable marriage by a long shot!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Good to see you around again @movealong! So glad that things are going well for you!


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> I don't know. I didn't ask. My other friend also thought the weed was laced with something. I really do not want to call the guy and ask him...
> 
> What is done is done. I thought my reaction was over the top, but I really wouldn't know since I do not engage in recreational stuff.
> 
> I am in so much emotional pain right now though... I want to jump out of my skin. Cant wait till tomorrow (therapy app)
> 
> I actually hadn't had an episode this bad... I hate it so much...


Keep your head up ne. Hope you are feeling better after appointment.


----------



## Lifescript

So have a date with the sam girl from last time. 

This time I told her I wanted to see her and suggested tomorrow at 9. She said ok. 

My plan is to take her to the observation deck of rockefeller center in NY. The view is incredible according to friends that have gone. There are restaurants there so we can have dinner and drinks at the same place. Ice skating rink is also right there but doubt we will have time for so many things. 

Got a text from her asking if ae could do something other than dinner. She mentioned going to a show or something like that. 

Looked at shows but the latest ones start at 8. Because of her work I doubt she will be out early enough that we could make it on time. 

But even if the show was an option should I even change the plan I orginally had? I mean shes telling me she wants to do the show but i did plan something else. Is this a test? Is she seeing if I will just go along with what she says? I feel stupid asking that but found myself thinking that maybe shes testing to see if Id drop my original plan and change things up.


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## RandomDude

Go have dinner at your planned venue and then switch it up if later you two have time. Dates don't have to be stationary.


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## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Go have dinner at your planned venue and then switch it up if later you two have time. Dates don't have to be stationary.


Original plan is not dinner just not a show. 

Got your point though.


----------



## Bananapeel

Lifescript said:


> So have a date with the sam girl from last time.
> 
> This time I told her I wanted to see her and suggested tomorrow at 9. She said ok.
> 
> My plan is to take her to the observation deck of rockefeller center in NY. The view is incredible according to friends that have gone. There are restaurants there so we can have dinner and drinks at the same place. Ice skating rink is also right there but doubt we will have time for so many things.
> 
> Got a text from her asking if ae could do something other than dinner. She mentioned going to a show or something like that.
> 
> Looked at shows but the latest ones start at 8. Because of her work I doubt she will be out early enough that we could make it on time.
> 
> But even if the show was an option should I even change the plan I orginally had? I mean shes telling me she wants to do the show but i did plan something else. Is this a test? Is she seeing if I will just go along with what she says? I feel stupid asking that but found myself thinking that maybe shes testing to see if Id drop my original plan and change things up.


What you should do is totally up to your personality type. I have a somewhat assertive personality and like to be in charge of the date so if I ask a woman out for an activity, I accept yes or no from her and don't change my plans. If she has suggestions I'll always listen and often do them, but it's unlikely that I'll change my plans once an offer has been made. During my divorce my XWW described our relationship as the one where I had my path chosen and I offered to let her come along for the ride, so my dating strategy fits very well with the type of woman/relationship I want to have. 

If you prefer to be in a relationship with a woman that leads, then it is perfectly acceptable to change plans. A lot of assertive guys would consider it a $hit test and if they wanted to be the leader in the relationship wouldn't pursue a relationship with her further at this point because they'd be better off focusing their time on someone with a more compatible personality type. However, you need to decide this based on what you like your relationship types to be and what best suits you.


----------



## FeministInPink

@ne9907 -- about 2 months ago, I took 2 hits of medicinal-grade, and I ended up having a panic attack. It was awful.

This guy... if he can't handle you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. Know what I mean? He clearly isn't a winner.

Take care of yourself. *hugs*

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> So have a date with the sam girl from last time.
> 
> This time I told her I wanted to see her and suggested tomorrow at 9. She said ok.
> 
> My plan is to take her to the observation deck of rockefeller center in NY. The view is incredible according to friends that have gone. There are restaurants there so we can have dinner and drinks at the same place. Ice skating rink is also right there but doubt we will have time for so many things.
> 
> Got a text from her asking if ae could do something other than dinner. She mentioned going to a show or something like that.
> 
> Looked at shows but the latest ones start at 8. Because of her work I doubt she will be out early enough that we could make it on time.
> 
> But even if the show was an option should I even change the plan I orginally had? I mean shes telling me she wants to do the show but i did plan something else. Is this a test? Is she seeing if I will just go along with what she says? I feel stupid asking that but found myself thinking that maybe shes testing to see if Id drop my original plan and change things up.


I have a few thoughts on this:

I prefer dates that are activities besides eating. So I understand if she wants to do something besides dinner. However, a show can be expensive on Broadway. If she is suggesting something much more expensive than planned, I think she is being unreasonable unless she is paying the difference.

My other concern is it MAY be a sign she is high maintenance and cant just go with the flow. She MAY have control issues.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> @ne9907 -- about 2 months ago, I took 2 hits of medicinal-grade, and I ended up having a panic attack. It was awful.
> 
> This guy... if he can't handle you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. Know what I mean? He clearly isn't a winner.
> 
> Take care of yourself. *hugs*
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


damn it woman! I kinda love you 

In the past, whenever I saw that Marilyn Monroe quote of "If you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," I would laugh it off.

Sunday was my worst.... I get it now. You would think an almost 40 year old woman would know everything~ (haha) I am still learning and evolving.

I had an appointment with a new therapist... still on the fence about him. He is a psychologist. I have only seen marriage and family therapist before. However, I was so scared for me that I decided to get the big guns.... 
Dude.... I was so terrified of my own feelings!!! Not because I would hurt myself or anything like that, but because I just wanted to jump out of my skin.... His rejection was hella hurtful.... 
I have been hurt before, but this time was oh so painful.

Anyway.... I am doing better! Thank you guys 

I am driving down to a beach town this weekend to see a good girlfriend of mine. We are attending a Halloween party. I am going to dress up as a ****ty nun 

What are you all doing??


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## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> What you should do is totally up to your personality type. I have a somewhat assertive personality and like to be in charge of the date so if I ask a woman out for an activity, I accept yes or no from her and don't change my plans. If she has suggestions I'll always listen and often do them, but it's unlikely that I'll change my plans once an offer has been made. During my divorce my XWW described our relationship as the one where I had my path chosen and I offered to let her come along for the ride, so my dating strategy fits very well with the type of woman/relationship I want to have.
> 
> If you prefer to be in a relationship with a woman that leads, then it is perfectly acceptable to change plans. A lot of assertive guys would consider it a $hit test and if they wanted to be the leader in the relationship wouldn't pursue a relationship with her further at this point because they'd be better off focusing their time on someone with a more compatible personality type. However, you need to decide this based on what you like your relationship types to be and what best suits you.


Definitely the one to lead. Thats why although I like the show suggestion and had thought about it Im sticking to my plan which is to take her to rockefeller center top of the rock. Skating rink is right there too so it can turn into a very fun night.


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## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> damn it woman! I kinda love you
> 
> In the past, whenever I saw that Marilyn Monroe quote of "If you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," I would laugh it off.
> 
> Sunday was my worst.... I get it now. You would think an almost 40 year old woman would know everything~ (haha) I am still learning and evolving.
> 
> I had an appointment with a new therapist... still on the fence about him. He is a psychologist. I have only seen marriage and family therapist before. However, I was so scared for me that I decided to get the big guns....
> Dude.... I was so terrified of my own feelings!!! Not because I would hurt myself or anything like that, but because I just wanted to jump out of my skin.... His rejection was hella hurtful....
> I have been hurt before, but this time was oh so painful.
> 
> Anyway.... I am doing better! Thank you guys
> 
> I am driving down to a beach town this weekend to see a good girlfriend of mine. We are attending a Halloween party. I am going to dress up as a ****ty nun
> 
> What are you all doing??


For anyone reading who does not understand, "worst" in this context means most vulnerable, most damaged, most human-but-flawed. There are some people for whom "me at my worst" directly translates to "I am an abusive assh0le and will hurt you in horrible ways" or "I am a psychopathic liar and have no real empathy for anyone and I kick puppies." Some people are inherently evil and mean and sh!tty. This does not apply to them. In this argument/context, someone at their "worst" indicates the weak and wounded part of ourselves that we all carry, our "baggage" so to speak, but keep hidden from society at large.

A lot of the time, we are scared of letting anyone see us at our worse, because we are afraid they will take away their love and/or affection because of it. We are afraid that they will reject us for our flaws.

But when you reveal your worst self to someone that you are seeing, and if they have been liking every thing else about you so far and they then "reject" you for being vulnerable with them... that is their failing, not yours. It means they are not strong enough to be your partner. Being a true partner means that you love and accept your partner for all that they are--even the worst parts--and that you will be empathetic and compassionate when it comes to their shortcomings and flaws, recognizing that we are all human and flawed in our own way.


----------



## FeministInPink

Real Estate and I are going as Batman and Poison Ivy. That is, we will if my green corset arrives today. It's supposed to, but it's already been delayed once, so I am skeptical that it will arrive in time.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> I have a few thoughts on this:
> 
> I prefer dates that are activities besides eating. So I understand if she wants to do something besides dinner. However, a show can be expensive on Broadway. If she is suggesting something much more expensive than planned, I think she is being unreasonable unless she is paying the difference.
> 
> My other concern is it MAY be a sign she is high maintenance and cant just go with the flow. She MAY have control issues.


She is not suggesting broadway show. I actually went online and looked at some shows for future dates. Theres this Spanish little theater we both like that have affordable shows. Definitely can see that being our next date. Also Cirque de suleil is in town. Im sure I mispelled that. 

Bklyn,

Have you been to Rockefeller Center top floor? If so, is it a nice experience for a date?

Thanks,


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I don't know. I didn't ask. My other friend also thought the weed was laced with something. I really do not want to call the guy and ask him...
> 
> What is done is done. I thought my reaction was over the top, but I really wouldn't know since I do not engage in recreational stuff.
> 
> I am in so much emotional pain right now though... I want to jump out of my skin. Cant wait till tomorrow (therapy app)
> 
> I actually hadn't had an episode this bad... I hate it so much...


It was definitely laced with something else... that was not straight up weed.


----------



## Bananapeel

Lifescript said:


> Definitely the one to lead. Thats why although I like the show suggestion and had thought about it Im sticking to my plan which is to take her to rockefeller center top of the rock. Skating rink is right there too so it can turn into a very fun night.


If that's your personality type and the way you want a relationship to develop then I wouldn't change venues. Instead tell her that a show sounds nice for another time when she can get off work early and that you are looking forward to enjoying the Rockefeller center with her. If she doesn't want to go to dinner (do you really go out to eat at 9 PM in NY?) then have her eat before meeting you.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> So have a date with the sam girl from last time.
> 
> This time I told her I wanted to see her and suggested tomorrow at 9. She said ok.
> 
> My plan is to take her to the observation deck of rockefeller center in NY. The view is incredible according to friends that have gone. There are restaurants there so we can have dinner and drinks at the same place. Ice skating rink is also right there but doubt we will have time for so many things.
> 
> Got a text from her asking if ae could do something other than dinner. She mentioned going to a show or something like that.
> 
> Looked at shows but the latest ones start at 8. Because of her work I doubt she will be out early enough that we could make it on time.
> 
> But even if the show was an option should I even change the plan I orginally had? I mean shes telling me she wants to do the show but i did plan something else. Is this a test? Is she seeing if I will just go along with what she says? I feel stupid asking that but found myself thinking that maybe shes testing to see if Id drop my original plan and change things up.


Do not overthink 



FeministInPink said:


> For anyone reading who does not understand, "worst" in this context means *most vulnerable, most damaged, most human-but-flawed*. There are some people for whom "me at my worst" directly translates to "I am an abusive assh0le and will hurt you in horrible ways" or "I am a psychopathic liar and have no real empathy for anyone and I kick puppies." Some people are inherently evil and mean and sh!tty. This does not apply to them. In this argument/context, someone at their "worst" indicates the weak and wounded part of ourselves that we all carry, our "baggage" so to speak, but keep hidden from society at large.
> 
> A lot of the time, we are scared of letting anyone see us at our worse, because we are afraid they will take away their love and/or affection because of it. We are afraid that they will reject us for our flaws.
> 
> But when you reveal your worst self to someone that you are seeing, and if they have been liking every thing else about you so far and they then "reject" you for being vulnerable with them... that is their failing, not yours. It means they are not strong enough to be your partner. Being a true partner means that you love and accept your partner for all that they are--even the worst parts--and that you will be empathetic and compassionate when it comes to their shortcomings and flaws, recognizing that we are all human and flawed in our own way.


Exactly! I was at my most vulnerable but real state. I showed him my naked soul and he did not like it... He could not accept it. This is the reason I spiraled down so fast and so dramatically...

I do not show myself to many men, not at all. I felt different with this man because we have not had sex, we were dating, we had shared a lot of personal stuff, I felt we had a connection.... oh and lets not forget I was high haha... I felt he could handle the flawed person in me. Clearly he could not... I keep repeating myself, but guys and gals, the pain was insurmountable.... had not felt so much pain since (I want to say ever but surely I must have been in a lot of pain during my separation).



FeministInPink said:


> It was definitely laced with something else... that was not straight up weed.


I sort of agree, but I am not longer speaking with him, thus cannot ask. I am also angry with him, but whatever, I will not bother with him.


----------



## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> If that's your personality type and the way you want a relationship to develop then I wouldn't change venues. Instead tell her that a show sounds nice for another time when she can get off work early and that you are looking forward to enjoying the Rockefeller center with her. If she doesn't want to go to dinner (do you really go out to eat at 9 PM in NY?) then have her eat before meeting you.


In NY dates are usually later than in other places Im sure. A lot of it has to do with work. I said 9 because she has been getting out of work late lately. 

I didnt tell her where im taking her. Just said the plan involved more than dinner and have kept it secret which may be a mistake. Its cold here in NY today. I should let her know to bundle up.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> She is not suggesting broadway show. I actually went online and looked at some shows for future dates. Theres this Spanish little theater we both like that have affordable shows. Definitely can see that being our next date. Also Cirque de suleil is in town. Im sure I mispelled that.
> 
> Bklyn,
> 
> Have you been to Rockefeller Center top floor? If so, is it a nice experience for a date?
> 
> Thanks,


Its been ages but yes. It is nice. I think your plan is romantic and the fact its cold will lend itself to snuggling up. Besides you never want the first few dates to be over the top because where do you go from there when you want to blow her mind with a date and location. Lucky for you NYC has so many great places to go. I miss my hometown!!!


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Its been ages but yes. It is nice. I think your plan is romantic and the fact its cold will lend itself to snuggling up. Besides you never want the first few dates to be over the top because where do you go from there when you want to blow her mind with a date and location. Lucky for you NYC has so many great places to go. I miss my hometown!!!


Yup. Theres endless things to do here. And I thought about the cold factor. Should help my cause tonight  ill keep her warm. She hates the cold though shd said. 

I thought you were living here.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Yup. Theres endless things to do here. And I thought about the cold factor. Should help my cause tonight  ill keep her warm. She hates the cold though shd said.
> 
> I thought you were living here.


No I wish. I moved from NYC a few years ago to be near my X's family (we were still married at the time). I would move back in a heartbeat but I want to keep my kids close to their father. There is not a day that passes that I do not miss my NYC life.

And whats funny is every man I have dated post divorce has lived in NYC and the Northeast. Older Man used to be a trader on Wall Street and I dated a CIO who lived in Westchester and worked in the city.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> No I wish. I moved from NYC a few years ago to be near my X's family (we were still married at the time). I would move back in a heartbeat but I want to keep my kids close to their father. There is not a day that passes that I do not miss my NYC life.
> 
> And whats funny is every man I have dated post divorce has lived in NYC and the Northeast. Older Man used to be a trader on Wall Street and I dated a CIO who lived in Westchester and worked in the city.


Oh wow. You know whats funny yall wanna come back and we want to get out. Its hectic here with the parking ticets, high prices, etc. 

But I still love the city no doubt.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Oh wow. You know whats funny yall wanna come back and we want to get out. Its hectic here with the parking ticets, high prices, etc.
> 
> But I still love the city no doubt.



True the COL where I am now is low. I have a beautiful home in my current hometown that wouldnt buy me a box on the corner in NYC. I do miss my apartment on Central Park West and 71st Street . I just jogged to the park every day and walked to work in midtown. But it was expensive.


----------



## Lifescript

Getting a weird vibe ... she hasnt replied to my last text in hrs (close to 8 hrs). Umm ...


----------



## Lifescript

Went out and had a great time. 2nd date was better than the first. Taking her up to rockefeller center to see the city was the right move. Fun, romantic. No kiss in 2 dates though. Shes the type to take things slow. 

Next date Im going for it again. At end of first date I tried and was a no go.


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## RandomDude

Hmmm... date number 3 is normally the decider =/ even for conservative women...

How is your approach when going for the kiss?

It's not like this right? 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSpJQlBJCzA


----------



## *Deidre*

My now fiance was once ''just a friend,'' and we took things to a new level and after like two ''official'' dates, he said ''I want to kiss you so bad right now, is that wrong?'' I smiled and said ''no.'' And then we kissed. It was perfect. 

He might be as close to perfection as a man gets.  

But, anyway, you could say that...if you are feeling it, and the mood is right. It will keep things from being awkward, because you're not asking to kiss her, and you're not leaning in, and she turns her head.  Maybe try that?


----------



## *Deidre*

FeministInPink said:


> Real Estate and I are going as Batman and Poison Ivy. That is, we will if my green corset arrives today. It's supposed to, but it's already been delayed once, so I am skeptical that it will arrive in time.


I'm really happy for you, like beaming happy that you and Real Estate are working out.  Happy Halloween! 

@ ne, I'm sorry all that has happened. I went through about three years of dating guys that really were awful for me. In every way. They were hot, but that's about it. They were unkind, liars, and just not good people, to be honest. I think that you have to take some time to find out who you are, what you want, and commit to staying true to yourself. The wrong men have been coming into your life, but only you can change it. I'd block hot guy's number, if you haven't already, and this guy's number. Just wipe the slate clean, and enjoy being single until the right person comes along...WORTHY of you. Please don't ever feel like you need to settle.


----------



## Lifescript

spinsterdurga said:


> Why do you try at the end of the date?


The mood was right I felt. We had just finished having a moment. But shes conservative and like to take things slow.


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm... date number 3 is normally the decider =/ even for conservative women...
> 
> How is your approach when going for the kiss?
> 
> It's not like this right?
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSpJQlBJCzA


Lmao. Nah ... we were having a deep conversation where everything was clicking. I looked at her eyes leaned in slowly. She knew what was coming but thought I wasnt going to do it. Then I went for it and turned out she wasnt ready.


----------



## Lifescript

*Deidre* said:


> My now fiance was once ''just a friend,'' and we took things to a new level and after like two ''official'' dates, he said ''I want to kiss you so bad right now, is that wrong?'' I smiled and said ''no.'' And then we kissed. It was perfect.
> 
> He might be as close to perfection as a man gets.
> 
> But, anyway, you could say that...if you are feeling it, and the mood is right. It will keep things from being awkward, because you're not asking to kiss her, and you're not leaning in, and she turns her head.  Maybe try that?


I like this dreide. The guy is not asking for permission. If she says no then is GO time. 

Glad you found a great guy.


----------



## RandomDude

Single life has its perks, lately I think I look 5 years younger, especially since holidays, been plucking out my white hairs too, working out and put on weight, got a tan, changed my hairstyle, got new clothes, started taking good care of myself again...

... and I got a new pretty FWB 

Our sexual chemistry is also surprisingly good, for example recently we started just cuddling and our kisses and touches just flowed until we 'evolved' to something of a 'cross' position, my hands could reach each part of her body and she wrapped her legs around me pulling me in while arching her back sweating and... yeah... think that night was one of the best PIV sex I've had in a while.


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> Lmao. Nah ... we were having a deep conversation where everything was clicking. I looked at her eyes leaned in slowly. She knew what was coming but thought I wasnt going to do it. *Then I went for it and turned out she wasnt ready.*


What do you mean when you said you "went for it"?
And what you mean she "wasnt ready", did she turn her head?


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> What do you mean when you said you "went for it"?
> And what you mean she "wasnt ready", did she turn her head?


I got close to her slowly. We were sitting in the car. As I was getting closer she whispered "no". I tried anyway. She turned her head. And then she said I will get to know her slowly.


----------



## *Deidre*

If after two more dates, she still turns her head, you might want to move on. Chemistry is either there or not.  Not that it needs to be rushed, but it doesn't take several dates for a woman to want a guy she's into, to kiss her. If she's not into him, however...you could easily turn into a friend who is always paying for dinners. lol


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> I got close to her slowly. We were sitting in the car. As I was getting closer *she whispered "no". I tried anyway. She turned her head*. And then she said I will get to know her slowly.


Well... this may have made things a little tricky =/


----------



## vi_bride04

RandomDude said:


> Well... this may have made things a little tricky =/


I actually agree with you on this, RD 

Her saying no and you still moving in is a huge step over her boundary of consent. It may not seem like much to you but to a woman it's something she will not take lightly. 

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Yeah, hate to say it really... honestly though lifescript, I wouldn't be surprised if she cancels the third date.

I would be impressed if you manage to get away with that, hate to be the bearer of bad news and all but based on that sequence of events, just sirens you know...


----------



## Lifescript

Hey RD and bride,

A mistake for sure. This was at end of first date. We talked about it and the next day and I didnt sense there was any residual bad feeling about it. 

Then second date was Friday and it was very good. But I didnt go for a kiss. We just hugged at the end and I gave each other a kiss on the cheeks. There were more hugs during too. 

Shes hard to read. Last night she sent me some pics they took of us together. Very nice. She texted them to me around 3 am which was kind of weird. 

Today I sent her a text in the morning and thanking her. She replies an hr later. I wait a bit and text her back. Now it has been hrs without a reply from her. This happens often with her. Not sure what to think. When she replies Ill call her to ask her out for 3rd date. 

I dont like how much shes on my mind. Here I go again ....


----------



## Lifescript

*Deidre* said:


> If after two more dates, she still turns her head, you might want to move on. Chemistry is either there or not.  Not that it needs to be rushed, but it doesn't take several dates for a woman to want a guy she's into, to kiss her. If she's not into him, however...you could easily turn into a friend who is always paying for dinners. lol


Ok. I sense shes into me. She gave me some compliments during last date. We talked about family, kids (how many we both want) and so on. She asked how is my relationship with my ex. To me all those are signs of interest and wanting to know more about me. 

3rd date Ill be looking for the signals and kiss her. Not at the end of the date. 


RandomDude said:


> Yeah, hate to say it really... honestly though lifescript, I wouldn't be surprised if she cancels the third date.
> 
> I would be impressed if you manage to get away with that, hate to be the bearer of bad news and all but based on that sequence of events, just sirens you know...


----------



## RandomDude

Looks like she has given you the benefit of the doubt, but if you want to go for a kiss on the third date may I suggest are more... inviting approach, rather than a forward approach?


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Looks like she has given you the benefit of the doubt, but if you want to go for a kiss on the third date may I suggest are more... inviting approach, rather than a forward approach?


Definitely. Smoothly.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

If she snubs another kiss, let her go. If she does, she either isnt into you, or is a total prude and you will end up never being satisfied by her.


----------



## RandomDude

Been looking at cars for next year, might trade in my aging Maxima, my marriage-wheels... to something that better reflects me nowadays... was looking at the 4C:










For around 100K... but... OMG!










Gallardos only around 200K nowadays!!!!
I would have thought I would have to fork out a mil at least!


----------



## Lifescript

No reply to my last text since around noon yesterday. I thought of calling her to say hi and ask her out (3rd date). But didnt want to chase or seem needy. 

Could she be not replying so I can call instead of texting. Like a test to see if I will call. 

Doesnt make sense. 

Dont know what to make of it. Maybe she has made a decision about just wanting to be friends and is starting to go dark on me. 

:/


----------



## Lifescript

Damn ... nice rides RD. Red one.


----------



## sosotte

You seem to always think she is testing you. I think you're way over thinking this. Maybe she is just busy. Do you alway reply messages right away?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

sosotte said:


> You seem to always think she is testing you. I think you're way over thinking this. Maybe she is just busy. Do you alway reply messages right away?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Not right away but usually not hrs after. 

I do overthink stuff. Almost a day to reply seems a bit much though.


----------



## Bananapeel

@Lifescript - She's not really into you. Cut your losses and move on. If you were to develop a relationship with this one it would be unbalanced where you were putting in too much effort and she had too much control. Send her a text or call her and end things so you get the opportunity to do it on your terms instead of hers. Don't wait for her to ghost you or your ego will take a hit. 

In my experience if a woman really likes you then these little boundaries they put into place fall by the wayside. A woman that's really into you will not only kiss you on the first date she'll have an internal struggle to fight herself from sleeping with you that early. I personally won't go on a second date with a woman that doesn't kiss me (or more) on the first. I figure we're adults, know what were doing, and if there isn't enough chemistry for a kiss then pursing a relationship with her is a waste of my time. 
@RandomDude - the top one for sure. I don't like all the straight lines on the Gallardo, it reminds me of a more modern version of the DeLorean from back to the future. Totally kidding. They both look great.


----------



## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> @Lifescript - She's not really into you. Cut your losses and move on. If you were to develop a relationship with this one it would be unbalanced where you were putting in too much effort and she had too much control. Send her a text or call her and end things so you get the opportunity to do it on your terms instead of hers. Don't wait for her to ghost you or your ego will take a hit.
> 
> In my experience if a woman really likes you then these little boundaries they put into place fall by the wayside. A woman that's really into you will not only kiss you on the first date she'll have an internal struggle to fight herself from sleeping with you that early. I personally won't go on a second date with a woman that doesn't kiss me (or more) on the first. I figure we're adults, know what were doing, and if there isn't enough chemistry for a kiss then pursing a relationship with her is a waste of my time.
> 
> @RandomDude - the top one for sure. I don't like all the straight lines on the Gallardo, it reminds me of a more modern version of the DeLorean from back to the future. Totally kidding. They both look great.


I hear you bananapeel. 

I see it a bit different. We have the same social circle so pressure is even higher for her not to make it super easy for me and look easy. She is the type to take things slow.

She shows signs of interest with texting me out of the blue late at night and other stuff and then she goes dark. She is very busy at work and in her personal life. That I know. I want to give her space so Im not pressuring too much but also make it known I wont put up with flaky behavior. 

Ill wait. If she doesnt text entire day Ill call her tonight and ask her out again. Her response will let me know where I'm at.


----------



## sosotte

Maybe your text didn't really call for an answer? I don't always reply to all messages and I sometimes completely forget, even if I really like and care about the guy. Also when you're busy sometimes you think you'll do it later and then it seems weird later you just don't. I wouldn't read too much into it. But it would be a good idea to let her invite you out also. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Satya

/pokes head out of paper bag

Hey Lifescript, I am one of those delayed texting women. Even though I have my phone around me, sometimes I have to be heads down in work or I'm at a client and can't look at my phone... I audit, sometimes financial data so it looks bad if you've got your phone whipped out. It's a no-no. 

However, I wouldn't go whole days without replying to someone I was getting to know. In fact, when I was getting to know my husband, it was often his fault I'd get scolded by my boss for phone gazing a bit too much. I worked terrible hours and still kept up a pretty active text and email exchange. 

I think she's not really engaged. Don't put all your eggs into one basket. A watched teapot and all that. Maybe see who else is out there... 

/goes back into paper bag and seals it.


----------



## sosotte

Could it be that she is dating other people too? I mean you barely started dating and haven't kissed yet, so she might be. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Bananapeel

Lifescript said:


> Ill wait. If she doesnt text entire day Ill call her tonight and ask her out again. Her response will let me know where I'm at.


Re-examine your sentence. Now think of what it implies. You are giving her all the power to decide the direction, pace, and level of any potential relationship and you're doing it after only two dates. This does not equate to being the leader in a relationship. 

I find it works a lot better when I bait the woman into chasing me. This way we both have equality in deciding how we want to proceed. The way to do that is to stop being so passive/available (women have an uncanny ability sense it) and start developing/enforcing boundaries. You should also be actively and openly pursuing multiple women and choosing the one that's the best fit, not going after one at a time and letting them choose.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Ill wait. If she doesnt text entire day Ill call her tonight and ask her out again. Her response will let me know where I'm at.


I wouldn't. You reached out last, so if she doesn't respond, don't contact her any more. Why would you ask her out again if she wont reach out?


----------



## Lifescript

sosotte said:


> Could it be that she is dating other people too? I mean you barely started dating and haven't kissed yet, so she might be.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I would be surprised if she's not talking and even going out with other people. There had been no talk of what are we or we are dating or anything. I knoe is best to let the woman start that convo.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> I would be surprised if she's not talking and even going out with other people. There had been no talk of what are we or we are dating or anything. I knoe is best to let the woman start that convo.


Honestly, the ball is in her court. If she is interested, she will text or call back. I would not call or text again. 

I do find if a woman is interested, she is interested in a kiss early on in the dating process. If she is not dodging it, her interests lie elsewhere. By date two, there should have been a kiss.


----------



## RandomDude

I've always dreamed of owning a Lambo though! Even though... not a Gallardo lol - still the Gallardo is cheap (well compared to the rest!!!)

I always wanted a DeLorean too! I think I have a thing for gull-wing doors


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Honestly, the ball is in her court. If she is interested, she will text or call back. I would not call or text again.
> 
> I do find if a woman is interested, she is interested in a kiss early on in the dating process. If she is not dodging it, her interests lie elsewhere. By date two, there should have been a kiss.


She just texted replying to my text from yesterday saying she didnt get a chance to reply. I had asked her about how a bday party she prepared for a family member went. 

We had good moments during the second date. I was maybe too gun shy after what happened at end of first date. I need to get better at this. 

I'm starting to feel like some of the rest. Dating sucks.


----------



## Lifescript

Hey guys,

Thinking back I did some things that may have turned her off (showed too much interest perhaps). 

I got her a little gift, nothing expensive. Just a mug with a nice quote. We both are quotes junkies. Bought it for her b/c the quote reminded me of her and thought it would be a nice way to say thanks for her paying for the whole tab on the first date. 

Before second date I'd say hi or reply to her text in the morning playfully calling her fea (spanish for ugly). She's pretty as hell so she would laugh. No one calls her that. 

After second date, next two days my morning msgs were nicer:

"hey beautiful. Hope you smile a bunch today and have fun at the party tonight. 

"Morning cutie. Thinking of me at 3 am ... cute "

After this she has gone cold. 

So I made a change to being more sweet and put my guard down a bit and the result of was not good. 

Here I'm overthinking thinking again.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> Thinking back I did some things that may have turned her off (showed too much interest perhaps).
> 
> I got her a little gift, nothing expensive. Just a mug with a nice quote. We both are quotes junkies. Bought it for her b/c the quote reminded me of her and thought it would be a nice way to say thanks for her paying for the whole tab on the first date.
> 
> Before second date I'd say hi or reply to her text in the morning playfully calling her fea (spanish for ugly). She's pretty as hell so she would laugh. No one calls her that.
> 
> After second date, next two days my morning msgs were nicer:
> 
> "hey beautiful. Hope you smile a bunch today and have fun at the party tonight.
> 
> "Morning cutie. Thinking of me at 3 am ... cute "
> 
> After this she has gone cold.
> 
> So I made a change to being more sweet and put my guard down a bit and the result of was not good.
> 
> Here I'm overthinking thinking again.



Give the woman space to breathe. I think you might be scaring her. Too much too soon. Back away from the phone abit.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> Give the woman space to breathe. I think you might be scaring her. Too much too soon. Back away from the phone abit.


Ok. I'm doing that. Not texting her or anything right now.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> Thinking back I did some things that may have turned her off (showed too much interest perhaps).
> 
> I got her a little gift, nothing expensive. Just a mug with a nice quote. We both are quotes junkies. Bought it for her b/c the quote reminded me of her and thought it would be a nice way to say thanks for her paying for the whole tab on the first date.
> 
> Before second date I'd say hi or reply to her text in the morning playfully calling her fea (spanish for ugly). She's pretty as hell so she would laugh. No one calls her that.
> 
> After second date, next two days my morning msgs were nicer:
> 
> "hey beautiful. Hope you smile a bunch today and have fun at the party tonight.
> 
> "Morning cutie. Thinking of me at 3 am ... cute "
> 
> After this she has gone cold.
> 
> So I made a change to being more sweet and put my guard down a bit and the result of was not good.
> 
> Here I'm overthinking thinking again.


Yes, ALL of this is over the top and too much too soon. This would freak me out, and I LIKE guys kinda clingy! You need to avoid doing this kind of thing until you have a MUTUAL emotional connection with someone.


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> Yes, ALL of this is over the top and too much too soon. This would freak me out, and I LIKE guys kinda clingy! You need to avoid doing this kind of thing until you have a MUTUAL emotional connection with someone.


Well this is where I went wrong I'm sure. My best bet right now is to give her space and chill out on the compliments and all that stuff. Let her come to me. 

I do this all the time.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Well this is where I went wrong I'm sure. My best bet right now is to give her space and chill out on the compliments and all that stuff. Let her come to me.
> 
> *I do this all the time.*


I have a tendency myself to fall hard and fast when I do, once there is an emotional connection. I can be overwhelming to someone who isn't the same way, and that is something I need to work on. However, when I am in that awful getting to know you phase with all the texting and stuff, I am pretty aloof. I don't get flirty and gushy until that connection is made, and I will shy away from men who do that before we actually connect. One guy was sending me shirtless pics of himself before we even met in person, and that shut me down immediately... another guy starting making sexual remarks and asking sexual questions before we ever met, and that did the same thing. (Not saying you did those things but just giving examples. A man giving me any gift right off the bat like you did would weird me out. 

Good plan to let her come to you. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand and it would be time to move on.


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> I have a tendency myself to fall hard and fast when I do, once there is an emotional connection. I can be overwhelming to someone who isn't the same way, and that is something I need to work on. However, when I am in that awful getting to know you phase with all the texting and stuff, I am pretty aloof. I don't get flirty and gushy until that connection is made, and I will shy away from men who do that before we actually connect. One guy was sending me shirtless pics of himself before we even met in person, and that shut me down immediately... another guy starting making sexual remarks and asking sexual questions before we ever met, and that did the same thing. (Not saying you did those things but just giving examples. A man giving me any gift right off the bat like you did would weird me out.
> 
> Good plan to let her come to you. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand and it would be time to move on.


After the first kiss attempt failed I was shy about appearing too eager to get it on with her so although there were some flirty texts ... nothing over the top. She reciprocated with some flirty texts too. 

I felt like I needed to get her something (small not anything crazy like jewelry) to show appreciation for what she did on first date. Now I know I shouldn't have. She said thanks I really like it you shouldn't have. 

There's this part of me that gets carried away when meeting someone. I need to bury it so deep it dies and never comes back again. I know is stupid but I feel so angry at myself because this is not the first time this happens.

Ok script breathe ... 

Next time I'll do better.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> After the first kiss attempt failed I was shy about appearing too eager to get it on with her so although there were some flirty texts ... nothing over the top. She reciprocated with some flirty texts too.
> 
> I felt like I needed to get her something (small not anything crazy like jewelry) to show appreciation for what she did on first date. Now I know I shouldn't have. She said thanks I really like it you shouldn't have.
> 
> There's this part of me that gets carried away when meeting someone. I need to bury it so deep it dies and never comes back again. I know is stupid but I feel so angry at myself because this is not the first time this happens.
> 
> Ok script breathe ...
> 
> Next time I'll do better.



And when she texts back this time, DO NOT ANSWER RIGHT AWAY!!! Give it a few hours to breathe. Give her time to wait on your text. She should not think that she texts and you jump! I have made the mistake in the opposite direction. It does more harm than good.


----------



## Lifescript

bkyln309 said:


> And when she texts back this time, DO NOT ANSWER RIGHT AWAY!!! Give it a few hours to breathe. Give her time to wait on your text. She should not think that she texts and you jump! I have made the mistake in the opposite direction. It does more harm than good.


Yup. I'm actually good with the texting response time. I usually wait at least 20 mins. Sometimes more. Although it feeks like a game but I guess it really is a game ... the dating game.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Dating SUCKS. I guess I am no good at the whole OLD thing because of what I stated in my last post. I just cannot be flirty, etc with some person that I have never met face to face. This is why I (maybe stupidly!) leave it up to fate to cross paths with someone in real life instead. A connection or lack thereof is immediately evident.


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> Dating SUCKS. I guess I am no good at the whole OLD thing because of what I stated in my last post. I just cannot be flirty, etc with some person that I have never met face to face. This is why I (maybe stupidly!) leave it up to fate to cross paths with someone in real life instead. A connection or lack thereof is immediately evident.


I've been saying it for a while but I will dip into the OLD thing soon. I'll join Match which seems to be the best site for finding a long term relationship.


----------



## ne9907

@Lifescript
you appear to be a wonderful and successful person, so here are some of my questions. What is it about her that makes you want to chase her? 
Actually, what is it about most women you pursue that makes you overly affectionate?

Also, do not be use to many adulations with a woman.... calling her beautiful is abit too much no?? From my experience, I hate when a man who I barely know calls me beautiful. They must get to know my soul and personality before calling me that.... Also, she is probably used to many men calling her that. Do you want to be like the rest?

3X is right. Men who come on too fast too quickly are a huge red flag. Gifts on first date are okay as long as you two have been talking for a while. 

However, if your behavior makes you happy, do not change it just to appease women or get more dates. Make yourself happy. Find out about you. With my recent experience, I realized that I am a flawed human yet wonderful anyway. After this guy rejected me, I felt awful and was looking for way to change the way I AM. Change my essence!!! Such an awful idea!!! 
I am not changing. He was emotionally immature. I might not be the best of women, but I am ME. That is all I ever want to be.

Be yourself. If being affectionate makes you happy, then continue being that. If she doesn't like it, well.... one day you will find someone who does!!


EDIT!!! One last thing, when I am into someone, I will respond to text fairly quickly!! Like a minute. Unless, I am busy, and I simply text back "busy" 
If I am not into a guy, I mean to text back but usually forget...... Sometimes, I do not even respond for days and days.....


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

No wonder I don't get anywhere. My approach to texting is that if I have time when I read the message, or it's urgent, I answer right away. If I don't have time, I wait till later. If I don't see the message for hours, the same applies. I answer when I have a chance. I don't spend any time overthinking if I'll appear too eager or whatever.

I hate to think that people are judging me as disinterested when I only left my cell in my car all day while I was at work.


----------



## Bananapeel

@Lifescript - There is nothing wrong with using OLD to find a LTR, but don't get your hopes too high. It's really the same thing as the dating you've already been doing and isn't some sort of magical bullet. The same issues you have now will still be there when you meet women virtually first instead of in person, so don't go overboard with complements or gifts too early. If you aren't gifted at online interactions you might want to practice a little bit on an app like Tinder. It's a lot of fun to start conversations with women and see how long you can keep them going for. Just start by swiping right to everyone so you get the most possible matches and then just BS with the matches that seem most interesting and tease them a little bit until you find your style and the type of interactions you enjoy. 

When I started considering dating after divorce I read a couple books, and while they had a lot of bad advice also had some good points that I've incorporated. I read "the game" which is a book about a PUA, I read MMSLP, and I read "Mating in Captivity" which discusses the psychology of attraction in stable vs. less committed relationships. I then started playing around on a few sites like Tinder to work on my texting/messaging skills and got to the point that not only did I feel comfortable doing it but had quite a bit of fun in the process. I also made it a point to talk to people I met on the street/grocery store/etc. (regardless of age or attractiveness) just so I'd be comfortable maintaining a conversation with a stranger. In the process I got a lot better at reading women and being able to identify the ones that had the best chances of getting a positive interaction from. 

I wish there was a way to post some of my virtual conversations I've had without typing the whole thing. You'd get a kick out of them and quickly be able to see which were interested in me and had a compatible personality type vs those where I wasn't the top dog on the list.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hopeful Cynic said:


> No wonder I don't get anywhere. My approach to texting is that if I have time when I read the message, or it's urgent, I answer right away. If I don't have time, I wait till later. If I don't see the message for hours, the same applies. I answer when I have a chance. I don't spend any time overthinking if I'll appear too eager or whatever.
> 
> I hate to think that people are judging me as disinterested when I only left my cell in my car all day while I was at work.


I don't think you need to overthink whether you look too eager, but it really is polite to answer someone as soon as you can, preferably when you read the message, especially when you are first getting to know someone. Otherwise you will come of as not interested, when in reality, you may be VERY interested. If you are the kind of person who prefers phone calls and would rather not text, let someone know that right off the bat. (personally for me, that would be a no go, I love texting! Texting was a gift to introverts! lol)


----------



## Lifescript

ne9907 said:


> @Lifescript
> you appear to be a wonderful and successful person, so here are some of my questions. What is it about her that makes you want to chase her?
> Actually, what is it about most women you pursue that makes you overly affectionate?
> 
> Also, do not be use to many adulations with a woman.... calling her beautiful is abit too much no?? From my experience, I hate when a man who I barely know calls me beautiful. They must get to know my soul and personality before calling me that.... Also, she is probably used to many men calling her that. Do you want to be like the rest?
> 
> 3X is right. Men who come on too fast too quickly are a huge red flag. Gifts on first date are okay as long as you two have been talking for a while.
> 
> However, if your behavior makes you happy, do not change it just to appease women or get more dates. Make yourself happy. Find out about you. With my recent experience, I realized that I am a flawed human yet wonderful anyway. After this guy rejected me, I felt awful and was looking for way to change the way I AM. Change my essence!!! Such an awful idea!!!
> I am not changing. He was emotionally immature. I might not be the best of women, but I am ME. That is all I ever want to be.
> 
> Be yourself. If being affectionate makes you happy, then continue being that. If she doesn't like it, well.... one day you will find someone who does!!
> 
> 
> EDIT!!! One last thing, when I am into someone, I will respond to text fairly quickly!! Like a minute. Unless, I am busy, and I simply text back "busy"
> If I am not into a guy, I mean to text back but usually forget...... Sometimes, I do not even respond for days and days.....


Hey ne,

Thanks! I'm fairly succesful and would put myself in the great guy category. 

So what do I like about her? I have been talking to her for a while now. Just took a long time to start going on dates because of our busy schedules lately. I was promoted at work and have been staying late and working some weekends ... crazy ****!! 

She has many of the values I look for: family oriented, wants a big family, smart/independent, mature, has strong values. 

I actually started calling her ugly in a joking way and she liked it. Said no one calls her that. Then I changed it up and started calling her beautiful and things went to ****. Lol

We had been talking a long time so I didnt think the gift was a bad idea. 

I just have to slow things down in the future. 

I feel bad if i dont respond fairly quickly within the hr.


----------



## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> @Lifescript - There is nothing wrong with using OLD to find a LTR, but don't get your hopes too high. It's really the same thing as the dating you've already been doing and isn't some sort of magical bullet. The same issues you have now will still be there when you meet women virtually first instead of in person, so don't go overboard with complements or gifts too early. If you aren't gifted at online interactions you might want to practice a little bit on an app like Tinder. It's a lot of fun to start conversations with women and see how long you can keep them going for. Just start by swiping right to everyone so you get the most possible matches and then just BS with the matches that seem most interesting and tease them a little bit until you find your style and the type of interactions you enjoy.
> 
> When I started considering dating after divorce I read a couple books, and while they had a lot of bad advice also had some good points that I've incorporated. I read "the game" which is a book about a PUA, I read MMSLP, and I read "Mating in Captivity" which discusses the psychology of attraction in stable vs. less committed relationships. I then started playing around on a few sites like Tinder to work on my texting/messaging skills and got to the point that not only did I feel comfortable doing it but had quite a bit of fun in the process. I also made it a point to talk to people I met on the street/grocery store/etc. (regardless of age or attractiveness) just so I'd be comfortable maintaining a conversation with a stranger. In the process I got a lot better at reading women and being able to identify the ones that had the best chances of getting a positive interaction from.
> 
> I wish there was a way to post some of my virtual conversations I've had without typing the whole thing. You'd get a kick out of them and quickly be able to see which were interested in me and had a compatible personality type vs those where I wasn't the top dog on the list.


Thanks. 

I actually know 2 married couples that met on Match. 

I began things with her the right way. I was fun, texted but didnt text a crazy amount, complimented on things I noticed about her personality and so on. 

Then she started to show more interest, sending me quotes and messages, videos, songs and I thought cool shes interested and started reciprocating but went overboard. 

This is what I gotta watch out for moving forward. Have to catch myself before I let loose with all the goody goody stuff. 

I was talking to someone who was very interested in me. But I wasn't in her. She would respond right away, text me everyday. I could relax. 

But I wasn't attracted to her.


----------



## Lifescript

Hi guys, 

No text from her yet since Monday around 3:30 pm. My last text was me jokingly saying I'm a professional masseuse after she texted that she was feeling tired and her body was in so much pain after a kickboxing class she took. 

I will call her today to see what's up. Nothing heavy, just regular talk to see where her mind is at.


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

spinsterdurga said:


> Why would you call someone who ignored your text?
> 
> You need to give her space and let her come to you if she's interested.


:iagree:


----------



## ne9907

spinsterdurga said:


> Why would you call someone who ignored your text?
> 
> You need to give her space and let her come to you if she's interested.


Because ghosting sucks? Especially, when a person is really into someone...

I would call her, or maybe send one last text but after that, it is done. 

Id also say "I feel as if I am being ghosted, and I do not enjoy this feeling at all. Wish you the best"


Either, she will text back and apologize or she will not. Either way, you are good

I also feel as if you are expecting more out of TWO dates. You guys went out on a couple of dates, you are not in a relationship.

You got this!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Because we are on the same social circle I would like to end things if thats where is headed in good terms. 

For her to ghost me is weird. She was texting every morning and responding to texts or apologizing when she wouldnt reply timely. 

I could ask if everything is ok or if I did or say something that bothered her. 

When we were on second date this other girl I talked to kept calling (twice). I didnt pick up. Then while looking for location to a bar on my phone she saw her name and contact on my screen. Could she be mad at that? But dont think so since we havent even kissed. 

Again if she was not on my circle I would not contact her unless she did first but this is just awkward/weird.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Just let it go, and leave contact up to her.


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## Lifescript

spinsterdurga said:


> After two dates, if a man sends me the above, I will be glad to ditch because it's borderline clingy--sorry!--
> 
> To me it's weird and a red flag to get attached to someone after two dates.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I agree with this.
> 
> I'd be overwhelmed with the amount of attention/texting. I like to breath and take things slowly.


I would have no problem with that. 

If she would say thats what she wants. To not text back is rude.


----------



## Lifescript

Also keep in mind ... although we have been on only two dates we have been talking on and off since the summer.


----------



## vi_bride04

It was the masseuse comment... Massages usually imply a sexual nature, especially coming from a guy that already tried to get physical.

I agree with the others, don't call and wait for her to text. I know I can go a full day without even reading my new texts cuz I'm busy doing other things. The guys that seem to get impatient about that I lose interest and quit talking to. 

Less pressure, she needs to come to you especially if she moves slow in relationships.

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh a better response to the kickboxing/being sore text would have been "that's great, means you worked hard " and left the sexual undertones out.

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Lifescript said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> No text from her yet since Monday around 3:30 pm. My last text was me jokingly saying I'm a professional masseuse after she texted that she was feeling tired and her body was in so much pain after a kickboxing class she took.
> 
> I will call her today to see what's up. Nothing heavy, just regular talk to see where her mind is at.


Invested too soon, remember that slow and steady wins the race bro
Also give her a bit of mystery, a bit of challenge, don't just lay down your hand on the deck all at once, no fun that way


----------



## TooNice

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh a better response to the kickboxing/being sore text would have been "that's great, means you worked hard " and left the sexual undertones out.
> 
> Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


I agree completely. Especially since she has made it clear she is not ready to be physical. Nothing shuts me down faster than sexual innuendos that happen too soon. Even if I have been out with a man and there is attraction, I am tired of the rushing into sex that dating today seems to bring. Until I am intimate, I want the dance... the anticipation.


----------



## Lifescript

I guess it was the masseus comment. Seemed innocent. Some flirting but nothing over the top. 

Meh ... 

Maybe I should then text and say something like hey, did I offend you with my last text blah blah blah or wait until she reach out. 

Got a feeling I've made so many mistakes with this one already that its probably done and over.

If given an opportunity again I would def give her some mystery and not make these mistakes.


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> It was the masseuse comment... Massages usually imply a sexual nature, especially coming from a guy that already tried to get physical.
> 
> I agree with the others, don't call and wait for her to text. I know I can go a full day without even reading my new texts cuz I'm busy doing other things. The guys that seem to get impatient about that I lose interest and quit talking to.
> 
> Less pressure, she needs to come to you especially if she moves slow in relationships.
> 
> Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


So don't text if she doesn't text first? 

We sort of made plans for this weekend with the understanding that we would confirm plans. 

I get how the comment was not smart but some flirting is not always bad. Im not a freak or guy who wants to come on too strong.


----------



## Lifescript

Morning guys,

Some of you probably feel like punching me in the noggin. I'm going around in circles here. Took a step back and looked at the whole situation. I MADE A TON OF MISTAKES with this girl that made me look needy. Too attached, too soon. 

Unless a miracle happens and she still is interested in going out I'll take these hard lessons and do better with another girl in the future. 

This also happened with my coworker more than a year ago if you guys remember. I got attached too soon. I thought I was past the quick attachments but I was not. Something to work on.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> So don't text if she doesn't text first?
> 
> We sort of made plans for this weekend with the understanding that we would confirm plans.
> 
> I get how the comment was not smart but some flirting is not always bad. Im not a freak or guy who wants to come on too strong.


Flirting is ALWAYS bad when it appears you keep trying to push beyond the boundaries she has set. 

In the dating world, women are extremely sensitive to the sexual undertone comments b/c its all we deal with from most guys out there. It starts to get really old and something like "I'm a professional masseuse" comment, even if from a decent, non-creepy guy will not be well received especially early on. And even more un-welcomed after rejecting a kiss from you and telling you she wants to take it slow. 

It just makes her think "Oh, just another one who only wants to get in my pants". 

Stop pushing her boundaries and you will recover if you haven't turned her completely off already. 

IMO a massage/masseuse comment is one of the most overplayed lines out there!


----------



## Lifescript

vi_bride04 said:


> Flirting is ALWAYS bad when it appears you keep trying to push beyond the boundaries she has set.
> 
> In the dating world, women are extremely sensitive to the sexual undertone comments b/c its all we deal with from most guys out there. It starts to get really old and something like "I'm a professional masseuse" comment, even if from a decent, non-creepy guy will not be well received especially early on. And even more un-welcomed after rejecting a kiss from you and telling you she wants to take it slow.
> 
> It just makes her think "Oh, just another one who only wants to get in my pants".
> 
> Stop pushing her boundaries and you will recover if you haven't turned her completely off already.
> 
> IMO a massage/masseuse comment is one of the most overplayed lines out there!


Got it.


----------



## Bananapeel

Lifescript said:


> So don't text if she doesn't text first?
> 
> We sort of made plans for this weekend with the understanding that we would confirm plans.
> 
> I get how the comment was not smart but some flirting is not always bad. Im not a freak or guy who wants to come on too strong.


Your problem is you aren't reading your audience well. People are always giving both verbal and non-verbal cues that tell you the direction they are wanting the relationship to go and what level of flirting/touching/relationship they want. You are misreading these cues and thus your actions are not yielding the results you want. Spend some time reading up on "indicators of interest" and learn to spot them. If a woman isn't displaying IOI's then you can be fairly sure that you two aren't going to be compatible and you should move on. 

For a more personal example, I have been dating a woman for several months and she asked me if my kids knew about her yet (I told her from the beginning that I won't introduce anyone to my kids until we've been dating for a minimum of 6 months). I told her that my kids didn't know about her and she said that was very telling. It was a strong IOI on my part that I didn't even realize. I'm still torn on how to deal with this one. I like her, but there is something holding me back and I don't know what it is.


----------



## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> Your problem is you aren't reading your audience well. People are always giving both verbal and non-verbal cues that tell you the direction they are wanting the relationship to go and what level of flirting/touching/relationship they want. You are misreading these cues and thus your actions are not yielding the results you want. Spend some time reading up on "indicators of interest" and learn to spot them. If a woman isn't displaying IOI's then you can be fairly sure that you two aren't going to be compatible and you should move on.
> 
> For a more personal example, I have been dating a woman for several months and she asked me if my kids knew about her yet (I told her from the beginning that I won't introduce anyone to my kids until we've been dating for a minimum of 6 months). I told her that my kids didn't know about her and she said that was very telling. It was a strong IOI on my part that I didn't even realize. I'm still torn on how to deal with this one. I like her, but there is something holding me back and I don't know what it is.


I see your point. 

Her asking if your kids knew about her is an IOI on her end. She would have liked a yes reply. This means she sees you as someone she would like to be with long term. 

Why you are not sure about her?

I got some IOIs from her on last date: her asking about my relationship with my ex and if I wanted to have more kids, her complimenting my clothes.


----------



## sosotte

I don't really mind guys who are too much too soon in my case. I actually find it kinda cute. I definitely prefer this over someone who doesn't show he cares. So don't worry about it too much. If she gets scared, she simply wasn't right for you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Bananapeel

IOI's come in both verbal and non-verbal forms. The problem is people don't always say what they mean and often are just being polite. Let me ask you this. When you hugged her goodbye before you attempted the kiss did she come in straight or angled, did she press up against you or did she stand back and lean in giving some space between your bodies, did she pull away quickly or linger after, did she look at your lips or flick her hair or otherwise show interest? All of those things happen in less than a second and tell a lot about whether she wants you to proceed. If I don't get enough IOI's to know the woman is highly interested during a first date I won't ask her out a second time because even if it does eventually progress into a relationship it won't be the type of relationship that I want. 

Take a look at this video on IOI's and then do some reading. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBOtj1RmaUE

As far as why I'm not sure about the woman I'm seeing, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out.


----------



## Lifescript

sosotte said:


> I don't really mind guys who are too much too soon in my case. I actually find it kinda cute. I definitely prefer this over someone who doesn't show he cares. So don't worry about it too much. If she gets scared, she simply wasn't right for you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Different personalities, different perceptions of things.

I can see how her attraction lowered after my over the top signals of interest. Bottom line is people don't want what's easy. 

It's easy for me to do a lot too soon so I'll just have to take a more laid back approach. Keep the mystery alive.


----------



## Lifescript

Bananapeel said:


> IOI's come in both verbal and non-verbal forms. The problem is people don't always say what they mean and often are just being polite. Let me ask you this. When you hugged her goodbye before you attempted the kiss did she come in straight or angled, did she press up against you or did she stand back and lean in giving some space between your bodies, did she pull away quickly or linger after, did she look at your lips or flick her hair or otherwise show interest? All of those things happen in less than a second and tell a lot about whether she wants you to proceed. If I don't get enough IOI's to know the woman is highly interested during a first date I won't ask her out a second time because even if it does eventually progress into a relationship it won't be the type of relationship that I want.
> 
> Take a look at this video on IOI's and then do some reading.
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBOtj1RmaUE
> 
> As far as why I'm not sure about the woman I'm seeing, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out.


We hugged for a few seconds. She was letting me in her space which us why I felt like fvck it let me go for it. She didnt touch her hair. There were no quick movements. As weird as it sounds she rejected me in a smooth way. Lol

Thanks for the vid.


----------



## ne9907

I find the IOI funny... Who knew dating was a science? Perhaps, this is the reason all my dating have failed so far haha


Be honest @Lifescript. Be yourself, that is all you can be... Change the aspects of your personality which you think are dragging you down, but keep those sweet attributes....

Personally, I do not enjoy too much attention, too soon.... Except if I know I am just playing around and nothing substantial will come out of flirting.

haha... just say "yo! I like your face!" works for me 
kidding~


----------



## RandomDude

Ey? Science? Nay... 'tis but a game


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Ey? Science? Nay... 'tis but a game


haha.... I know... was trying to be funny!

Dating is a game that I hate. I am always honest but do joke around A LOT!! 

I find that when I am my crazy self, people either take me too seriously and actually think I am mental, or they love me!!!


----------



## Lifescript

I won't change entirely. I honestly don't think I could do a complete 360. 

And I wouldn't want to. I like who I am. Just gotta make some changes. It will feel like I'm being a jerk or mean just because of the way I am but its not mean at all. That's what I have to adjust.


----------



## bkyln309

Lifescript said:


> I won't change entirely. I honestly don't think I could do a complete 360.
> 
> And I wouldn't want to. I like who I am. Just gotta make some changes. It will feel like I'm being a jerk or mean just because of the way I am but its not mean at all. That's what I have to adjust.


I really like someone who is sarcastic and funny. Dont change that.

However, all the texts about are you still interested or did I offend you is way too much. Chill out and enjoy. A woman will let you know she is interested.


----------



## Lifescript

We have exchanged some texts today. Not responding right away. Just regular talk. Won't ask her out or ask why she didn't text in days.


----------



## sosotte

Good 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> We have exchanged some texts today. Not responding right away. Just regular talk. Won't ask her out or ask why she didn't text in days.


Well done!


----------



## Lifescript

She replied to my last text 6 hrs later around 12 midnight last night and sent a pic of what she was drinking. 

Didnt reply last night. Will reply later. 

Today I see she liked a bunch of my latest FB posts so she was looking at my profile.


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> She replied to my last text 6 hrs later around 12 midnight last night and sent a pic of what she was drinking.
> 
> Didnt reply last night. Will reply later.
> 
> Today I see she liked a bunch of my latest FB posts so she was looking at my profile.


Remember this. You will be fine no matter what. Being more aloof, like it or hate it, can weed people out at times. 

Figure it out with time, I made mistakes along the way, now I just happen to be here. In a relationship, trying to figure out what to do next.


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> She replied to my last text 6 hrs later around 12 midnight last night and sent a pic of what she was drinking.
> 
> Didnt reply last night. Will reply later.
> 
> Today I see she liked a bunch of my latest FB posts so she was looking at my profile.


oh? The good old "push and pull" technique.... would drive a sane man to the asylum!!!!


----------



## Lifescript

hope4family said:


> Remember this. You will be fine no matter what. Being more aloof, like it or hate it, can weed people out at times.
> 
> Figure it out with time, I made mistakes along the way, now I just happen to be here. In a relationship, trying to figure out what to do next.


Hey Hope,

Glad to hear from you and to hear you are in a relationship. Best of luck! 

After my breakup with my ex I've had experiences that have thought me that I'll be fine ... always. After going through something like that any setback or negative thing I've encountered has been dealt with. Some stuff has confused me some and I've gotten hurt again but so is life. It's all good.


----------



## RandomDude




----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> oh? The good old "push and pull" technique.... would drive a sane man to the asylum!!!!


Would hate to see what it does to an insane man then...


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


>


But there are four nurses in the picture...


----------



## RandomDude

...

Meme fail


----------



## RandomDude

Damn these workouts are really getting results, its like I'm like back in the game in full force, everywhere I go I get looks 

I have another date this week and chatting up two others, I'm on the highway to the DANGER ZONE!!! 









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58QOBqAWNzE

Woooo!


----------



## ne9907

I am depressed. Like legit!!! 
I think it is a combination of finally having my own place, my new job, and being on my own. I don't like my new job that much. My boss is always calling me all the time.... I feel intimidated by his calls. Saturday evening, he called me to say he had sprained his ankle and was staying in town.... (???)

He has done this behavior in the past. He goes for like two weeks of calling me ALL the time, then a couple of weeks of ignoring me.... 

Oh, I also do not like my new therapist haha. He talks too much about the time he was a teacher, about the time he helped so and so.... I need a change. I don't know what I need. 

Have I always felt this restless? I am restless...

I am not back on any dating sites. I have not contacted any of my previous men. (yay me!!!)

Just feel lost..


----------



## RandomDude

> My boss is always calling me all the time.... I feel intimidated by his calls. Saturday evening, he called me to say he had sprained his ankle and was staying in town.... (???)
> 
> He has done this behavior in the past. He goes for like two weeks of calling me ALL the time, then a couple of weeks of ignoring me....


... the fk?

:scratchhead:


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> ... the fk?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Right????

His behavior is not normal... he hasn't crossed any lines, but dude..... he calls me like twice every evening after work.

The last time he was doing this, I did not answer his calls, and he became cold towards me. He would even be condescending towards my input at meetings... I might be dealing with a lot more than what I can handle.


----------



## foolscotton3

Hey everybody, it's been a few months, just checking in.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> Right????
> 
> His behavior is not normal... he hasn't crossed any lines, but dude..... he calls me like twice every evening after work.
> 
> The last time he was doing this, I did not answer his calls, and he became cold towards me. He would even be condescending towards my input at meetings... I might be dealing with a lot more than what I can handle.


That's harassment, put your foot down on it.


----------



## TooNice

RandomDude said:


> That's harassment, put your foot down on it.


I agree that you should say something. It is not out of line to ask that unless it is urgent, he limits his calls to during business hours. Your after hours time is yours, and should be respected as such.


----------



## Lifescript

I agree too. Thats a little much.


----------



## TooNice

Sigh... sitting at home thinking that whatever happens between now and when the sun rises, tomorrow is the worst day of the month to have a birthday. :-/


----------



## RandomDude

Happy Bday!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Happy birthday anyway, @TooNice!


----------



## Miss Independent

.


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## RandomDude

I'm so excited for 2017!

So many things have come together this year, love life not so much - yet it has taken a recent turn! I do believe I have a much healthier, confident outlook in life since my trip overseas. Almost feel 10 years younger, met great people too, and had so many great moments with my princess! Came back like a new person, life started looking up as soon as I touched down.

Vacations are underrated! Well for me anyway...

/end very happy vent


----------



## TooNice

Thanks for the birthday wishes, gang. I am having a good day, despite the undercurrent from yesterday's events. (And I say that apolitically... things are just tense everywhere.)
@RandomDude - that is fantastic to hear. I simply LOVE very happy vents!


----------



## ne9907

@TooNice happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel you girl.... haha. I too, was a bid sad, no surprise there. However, I feel I am sick and tired of being sad. Fvck that!!!

Screw being sad


----------



## Lifescript

Happy Belated BDAY too nice


----------



## FeministInPink

Happy belated birthday, TooNice. I hope your week improved.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude

Ladies and gentleman today I will have to give you the news of the impossible, it seems this Christmas is bringing with it lots of news of the impossible.

My news in particular, well... believe it or not, but I have decided to date my FWB... "What? RD have you not learnt your lesson?!" I know but, I have a feeling with this one that I have not felt with others. Could it be the way we have sex? Or make love? Perhaps thats it, the passion, the romance, she has hit all the right chords, in and out of intimacy, she has wrote a love song.

Every part of my being was opposed to this happening but it just happened. I have developed feelings.

You know what this means right? Somebody better get me a bomb so I can sabotage this nonsense!


----------



## Lifescript

RD, 

Seems like a bad idea from the outside. Dating friends almost always end up not good in my experience but each case is different. Go for it. Better to say I did it and didn't work than ask what if I had gone for it with her. Not saying it won't work but take it slow and apply what you have already learned. 

When did u start seeing this FWB? I haven't been in and out of TAM, don't remember seeing you posting about her. 

This is not pony tail right?


----------



## Lifescript

Ok guys I'm dipping into OLD. Will sign up for match, Tinder and POF today. 

Match asks a ton of questions. They let you see some of the people on there kind of like a quick peak. Found some attractive women. Liked that many of them have in their description what they are looking for, they seem to know what they want. 

Any tips? I will post at least 3 pics of myself. 

I see some of the girls have pics with their daughter or son. I guess to let guys know they have a child. I don't think putting a pic of me with my son is a good idea. Why should the kids be on a dating site? 

At this point I finally got the promotion I was looking for at work with a good increase. Money wise I'm doing good. Now I want to tackle the personal part of my life. I want a family again, more kids, to be with someone in a stable relationship. Have to make it happen. 

I've thought I'd let it to faith and chance ... that I'd meet someone while out and about and I've met and gone out with girls (the last one we talk less and less, she is out of the picture now and I won't chase). 

So this part of my life too I will tackle and look to improve.


----------



## RandomDude

We were friends before I went overseas but became FWBs when I got back. She wasn't someone I thought worth mentioning, and yeah it seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

But I ain't afraid, maybe because the romance and sex is too good 
It's better than the thousands I spent on that high class escort, and even then she was incredibly good, but my current FWB... takes that passion to a whole new level, maybe because it's genuine.

The thing is... I did test her out of curiouscity, to this day she still doesn't know my net worth, nor did or does she even care. She's not religious, she's kind-hearted, patient, yada yada you get the picture. I guess in the end when she triggered zero red flags with me she found her way into my heart.


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> We were friends before I went overseas but became FWBs when I got back. She wasn't someone I thought worth mentioning, and yeah it seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
> 
> But I ain't afraid, maybe because the romance and sex is too good
> It's better than the thousands I spent on that high class escort, and even then she was incredibly good, but my current FWB... takes that passion to a whole new level, maybe because it's genuine.
> 
> The thing is... I did test her out of curiouscity, to this day she still doesn't know my net worth, nor did or does she even care. She's not religious, she's kind-hearted, patient, yada yada you get the picture. I guess in the end when she triggered zero red flags with me she found her way into my heart.


That's good RD. 

Go for it man. You never know. Things may work out. Not all relationships are doomed. Good luck man!


----------



## RandomDude

Going slow, just having each other in our lives for now. It's always nice to inject some romance in day to day routine 

It'll probably blow up sooner or later but strangely at this point I no longer really care or fear. Think it's my daughter's strength I'm drawing from now actually after the time we had overseas.

Also think releasing the thought of the responsibility of hurting my FWB really let go of a fear that blocked my capability to have feelings - the fear of hurting others. So by trying to rid myself of any potential later guilt I ended up ridding myself of my own self-defence mechanism. *sigh* Fking glitch in my brain! Must fix!


----------



## Lifescript

I'm surprised to see many women on Match have their phone # and email on display (text me/email me). 

Seems weird that they would put their contact info like that for all to see.


----------



## RandomDude

Maybe they are simply working and looking for clientele?


----------



## Lifescript

RandomDude said:


> Maybe they are simply working and looking for clientele?


Could be.

POF has a ton of tests ... wth .. so time consuming


----------



## RandomDude

This is disconcerting... I am now dating two very beautiful women. The second one well... I didn't expect it to happen, was focused on number #1 who I will call cuddlebunny  But it seems my confidence since coming back from holidays has upped by game by at least 2 points. I can't commit to cuddlebunny yet, very early stages, same with number #2. Ive been honest with her, that I'm still dating others but told her that if she is confident that she is right for me she has nothing to fear from other girls. Maybe she didn't read the fine print of my statement...

I feel I shouldn't be doing this, but, I can't make up my mind yet. Right now hoping one of them does something to make me meh so I can just stick to the other one.



I am a playboy...


----------



## Spellbound

Lifescript said:


> I'm surprised to see many women on Match have their phone # and email on display (text me/email me).
> 
> Seems weird that they would put their contact info like that for all to see.


I think they do that if they haven't paid for a subscription. If the profile is free, they can't see messages or be emailed or contacted until the guy trying to contact them "pays" to be able to message a non-paying member. It is a risky way around paying for a subscription. 
I put up a profile very briefly, even paid for a short subscription and hated it. SOOO superficial! Also a huge time suck.


----------



## Lifescript

Spellbound said:


> I think they do that if they haven't paid for a subscription. If the profile is free, they can't see messages or be emailed or contacted until the guy trying to contact them "pays" to be able to message a non-paying member. It is a risky way around paying for a subscription.
> I put up a profile very briefly, even paid for a short subscription and hated it. SOOO superficial! Also a huge time suck.


Yea, I figured that's what they are doing. 

Got some alerts from POF that 4 women want yo meet me but then seems like I gotta upgrade to msg them. I thought POF was free!


----------



## RandomDude

ARGH... you know how hard it is to flirt chat with two lovely ladies at the same time?

Gotta admit though my ego is getting inflated 
AND THEY ARE BOTH SO HOT!!! >.< But I like number #1, and I have feelings for her, but number #2 seems to be gaining ground, hitting the right notes, so I'm struggling to find a reason to be rid of her.


----------



## RandomDude

Wow... number #2 just put up a stunning new photo =O
Come on number #2, screw up, just once... just enough to make me justify pulling the plug... cause I like number #1... I like my cuddlebunny 

/end random vent


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lifescript said:


> Yea, I figured that's what they are doing.
> 
> Got some alerts from POF that 4 women want yo meet me but then seems like I gotta upgrade to msg them. I thought POF was free!


On POF you should not have to pay message, unless it has changed since I was on there. I do remember I would have had to pay in order to hide my profile and save all my info, otherwise you have to delete it to get it out of circulation. 

You will find a lot of the same women on both POF and Match.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Wow... number #2 just put up a stunning new photo =O
> Come on number #2, screw up, just once... just enough to make me justify pulling the plug... cause I like number #1... I like my cuddlebunny
> 
> /end random vent


Is cuddlebunny the FWB?


----------



## RandomDude

Yes, I call her cuddlebunny because she's so sweet and romantic and passionate and cute and loving and playful. She's also drop dead gorgeous, a solid 9.5, but now she's 11/10... slowly rising the more we get to know each other in a deeper level... number #2 who has yet to earn a nickname, is also a solid 9.5, but still getting to know her, waiting for her to do something to drop a few points. At the same time though she's helping me stay balanced, so I don't rush in too fast with cuddlebunny.

Honestly I feel so flattered, as both are the most beautiful women I have met this year and neither of them has triggered any red flags. Though I got a feeling number #2 will trip a wire sooner or later, as the probability of meeting two genuine women within such a short time of each other is too low to put my money on.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> This is disconcerting... I am now dating two very beautiful women. The second one well... I didn't expect it to happen, was focused on number #1 who I will call cuddlebunny  But it seems my confidence since coming back from holidays has upped by game by at least 2 points. I can't commit to cuddlebunny yet, very early stages, same with number #2. Ive been honest with her, that I'm still dating others but told her that if she is confident that she is right for me she has nothing to fear from other girls. Maybe she didn't read the fine print of my statement...
> 
> I feel I shouldn't be doing this, but, I can't make up my mind yet. Right now hoping one of them does something to make me meh so I can just stick to the other one.
> 
> 
> 
> I am a playboy...





RandomDude said:


> Wow... number #2 just put up a stunning new photo =O
> Come on number #2, screw up, just once... just enough to make me justify pulling the plug... cause I like number #1... I like my cuddlebunny
> 
> /end random vent


haha... Mr Playboy in full swing~~~

So good to see you happy RD!!!

Your girls either have lots of confidence or ???? I would not compete for a man's attention. However, it is rather normal for a man to be dating more than one woman at a time.

I never did, but did "talk" to a bunch of men at the same time. Just talking, or having coffee dates...


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Yes, I call her cuddlebunny because she's so sweet and romantic and passionate and cute and loving and playful. She's also drop dead gorgeous, a solid 9.5, but now she's 11/10... slowly rising the more we get to know each other in a deeper level... number #2 who has yet to earn a nickname, is also a solid 9.5, but still getting to know her, waiting for her to do something to drop a few points. At the same time though she's helping me stay balanced, so I don't rush in too fast with cuddlebunny.
> 
> Honestly I feel so flattered, as both are the most beautiful women I have met this year and neither of them has triggered any red flags. Though I got a feeling number #2 will trip a wire sooner or later, as the probability of meeting two genuine women within such a short time of each other is too low to put my money on.


I would like tosee these woman. TO get an idea of what you consider a 9.5 or 10....

ugh....haha....


----------



## RandomDude

They both seem pretty normal lol, maybe I'm just hot as fk! :rofl:

Or maybe it's just how I handle it, give them reassurance in my integrity but never giving my commitment  I'm only being honest, but can't lay all my cards on the table though 

Or maybe they are just confident, they do know they are stunners though, they get it all the time, and I feel so flattered to have their attention ^^


----------



## sosotte

RandomDude said:


> They both seem pretty normal lol, maybe I'm just hot as fk! :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> Or maybe it's just how I handle it, give them reassurance in my integrity but never giving my commitment  I'm only being honest, but can't lay all my cards on the table though
> 
> 
> 
> Or maybe they are just confident, they do know they are stunners though, they get it all the time, and I feel so flattered to have their attention ^^




Why wouldn't you just pick number 1 and that's it. It sounds like you're just setting it up for both relations to fail....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

Because I'm not sure as of yet who is best to commit to! It's all early stages!


----------



## 3Xnocharm

RandomDude said:


> Because I'm not sure as of yet who is best to commit to! It's all early stages!


Hmm, then maybe none of the above? If one of these ladies was "the one", you would overwhelmingly be able to feel it.


----------



## RandomDude

I'll never believe it even if I feel it!

These things take time, all my 3 brains must come to an agreement!


----------



## vi_bride04

Don't worry RD, I'm sure you will self sabotage yourself after you pick one anyways


----------



## RandomDude

Haha! Maybe that's why I keep spares >

I'll decide later, for now going to enjoy the ego balloon before it pops!


----------



## Lifescript

Pick the one you think about more. The one that has shown you more affection and care.


----------



## bkyln309

Honestly I dont see why you have to choose at this point. As long as both women know there is no exclusivity. I think you need to know which one is a better fit long term before you decide. There is no rush. As long as you are honest with the women about where you are.


----------



## RandomDude

Always. I may have entered the 'dark side' a little more by no longer accepting responsibility for other people's decisions but I strongly believe in honesty.

I guess just have to take it slow and see what happens 

I'm SOOO HAPPY but I feel like the world is going to end or something bad is going to happen because heaven tends to balances itself out with hell.


----------



## RandomDude

Doors are shut, no more, either than these two. Ultimately one or the other. Number #2 has ONE chance.

As much as I'm enjoying this I don't have time for this in the long run. One woman, no exceptions for a while after this.


----------



## GuyInColorado

Update. Well, we are starting to look at engagement rings. I suggested it, don't want to wait anymore. This time is completely different than 10 years ago with my ex. Back then I just bought whatever at Kays to get it over with and kept it hidden for over a year before proposing because of doubts/fights. But she actually found it a few months in and knew I didn't want to propose lol. Caused huge issues that doomed the marriage before it even began. I actually want to get my girlfriend the best ring I can afford and make her the happiest girl in the world. No doubt in my mind I want to wake up next to this woman every morning, so I'm ready to commit. I'm almost debt free from the divorce, a few months of CC payments. Ex wife already got me off the mortgage and her car loan, so I'm free and can start shopping for a house. Guess no life in the fast lane bachelor life for me.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

GuyInColorado said:


> Update. Well, we are starting to look at engagement rings. I suggested it, don't want to wait anymore. This time is completely different than 10 years ago with my ex. Back then I just bought whatever at Kays to get it over with and kept it hidden for over a year before proposing because of doubts/fights. But she actually found it a few months in and knew I didn't want to propose lol. Caused huge issues that doomed the marriage before it even began. I actually want to get my girlfriend the best ring I can afford and make her the happiest girl in the world. No doubt in my mind I want to wake up next to this woman every morning, so I'm ready to commit. I'm almost debt free from the divorce, a few months of CC payments. Ex wife already got me off the mortgage and her car loan, so I'm free and can start shopping for a house. Guess no life in the fast lane bachelor life for me.


I'm glad that you are happy, but you are WAY rushing this! You haven't even been together a year yet.


----------



## FeministInPink

Just wanted to pop in and say hello.

Things are going well with Real Estate. We were planning on going to Mexico over Thanksgiving, but ran into some complications with the planning, so we are taking a road trip to Savannah, GA instead. Since it's "my vacation" (his words, not mine), he said I should choose the destination, and I've always wanted to go to Savannah. It wasn't even close to being his first choice, since he lived there for a few years (when he was in the army, and was stationed there) and isn't really interested in going back... but he wants me to be happy, so he's going with it. We drive down on Saturday, and we are booked for 6 nights in a very nice resort overlooking the river. I can't wait!

And another thing--fun story--that I wanted to share... we were watching the coverage the evening of election day. I was eating Munchies (if you don't know, it's a snack mix of mini Doritos, mini Sunchips, Cheetos, and mini pretzels), and we were chatting, like you do, and in passing, I said, "You know, these would be much better without the pretzels. I just realized I've been picking around them this entire time." And RE says, "Can I have some?" and I respond, "Sure," and I hand him the bag of Munchies. He wanders off to the kitchen, and I assume he's making a drink or something. He comes back a few minutes later and hands me this:










In case it's not obvious from the picture, he put the whole bag of snack mix in a bowl and then picked out EVERY SINGLE PRETZEL so I wouldn't have to eat them or pick around them.

Seriously, this guy is a keeper.

(Sorry for the huge picture.)


----------



## vi_bride04

Happy for you FIP.

I want someone to pick the pretzels out of my snack mix 

Dating has been atrocious to say the least, only 1 second date in the past year. And my FWB I discovered has relapsed with cocaine.

I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time in about a decade...last time I did it I was still married. I invited some of my single friends but no one has confirmed yet. I really don't care, even if its just me and my dog, I'm taking back the holiday for myself. This holiday and Christmas get me down so much since I left my marriage. I don't talk to my family anymore and always by myself and I don't like it b/c I love having big meals with good friends and lots of laughs. Its been absent in my life for 4 years now and it really brings me down. Time to change that. Ordered my turkey last week. 

Now if I could just kick this feeling sorry for myself crap.


----------



## FeministInPink

Thanks... but hey, it took me a long time to find him. And it is requiring a lot of work and patience on my part. He's got a lot of baggage, and he knows it. And he appreciates my patience. But he is also very patient with me and MY baggage, so we're growing through it together.

Ooh... grrrrrl, stay away from that FWB. That is nothing but trouble.

Someday, I will cook a Thanksgiving dinner... when my mother gives up her iron-grip on the holiday, or I decide to skip Thanksgiving at my parents' house and do it myself. It might kill my mother if I did that. She was heartbroken and laid on the guilt THICK when I told her for the first time I wasn't coming home for Thanksgiving in 2011. It's gotten easier since then. But you know... my mom's just a mediocre cook, with delusions of grandeur, and she refuses to take any suggestions or advice. So, when I go home for Thanksgiving, I'm miserable and the food isn't that great. I'd rather cook myself and have really good food that I can share with my friends.

You should invite more than just your single friends. Invite everyone you know!!! The people with family plans won't go, but if you expand your invite list, you might brighten someone's holiday, and you might get that big bustling party that you want.

Seriously. Invite EVERYONE.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Just wanted to pop in and say hello.
> 
> Things are going well with Real Estate. We were planning on going to Mexico over Thanksgiving, but ran into some complications with the planning, so we are taking a road trip to Savannah, GA instead. Since it's "my vacation" (his words, not mine), he said I should choose the destination, and I've always wanted to go to Savannah. It wasn't even close to being his first choice, since he lived there for a few years (when he was in the army, and was stationed there) and isn't really interested in going back... but he wants me to be happy, so he's going with it. We drive down on Saturday, and we are booked for 6 nights in a very nice resort overlooking the river. I can't wait!
> 
> And another thing--fun story--that I wanted to share... we were watching the coverage the evening of election day. I was eating Munchies (if you don't know, it's a snack mix of mini Doritos, mini Sunchips, Cheetos, and mini pretzels), and we were chatting, like you do, and in passing, I said, "You know, these would be much better without the pretzels. I just realized I've been picking around them this entire time." And RE says, "Can I have some?" and I respond, "Sure," and I hand him the bag of Munchies. He wanders off to the kitchen, and I assume he's making a drink or something. He comes back a few minutes later and hands me this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In case it's not obvious from the picture, he put the whole bag of snack mix in a bowl and then picked out EVERY SINGLE PRETZEL so I wouldn't have to eat them or pick around them.
> 
> Seriously, this guy is a keeper.
> 
> (Sorry for the huge picture.)


Glad to hear you two are doing well. I love the pretzel story. You deserve every happiness!!!!


----------



## bkyln309

GuyInColorado said:


> Update. Well, we are starting to look at engagement rings. I suggested it, don't want to wait anymore. This time is completely different than 10 years ago with my ex. Back then I just bought whatever at Kays to get it over with and kept it hidden for over a year before proposing because of doubts/fights. But she actually found it a few months in and knew I didn't want to propose lol. Caused huge issues that doomed the marriage before it even began. I actually want to get my girlfriend the best ring I can afford and make her the happiest girl in the world. No doubt in my mind I want to wake up next to this woman every morning, so I'm ready to commit. I'm almost debt free from the divorce, a few months of CC payments. Ex wife already got me off the mortgage and her car loan, so I'm free and can start shopping for a house. Guess no life in the fast lane bachelor life for me.


Life is too short to wait at our age. GO FOR IT!!!!!!! Congratulations are definitely in order


----------



## bkyln309

As for me, still with OM. Its really dragging now. I think for the first time he is feeling the drag. I was going to break up with him this weekend but he is taking my 65 inch TV back and cooking Thanksgiving Dinner. So I am putting it off until after Thanksgiving.

Not sure why I keep delaying it. Im such a chicken.

I did delete all my profiles. I am so not in the mood to date anyone.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bkyln309 said:


> As for me, still with OM. Its really dragging now. I think for the first time he is feeling the drag. I was going to break up with him this weekend but he is taking my 65 inch TV back and cooking Thanksgiving Dinner. So I am putting it off until after Thanksgiving.
> 
> Not sure why I keep delaying it. Im such a chicken.
> 
> I did delete all my profiles. I am so not in the mood to date anyone.


So were you actively seeking and dating other people? I thought you guys were exclusive...

You are being chicken because its always hard to let go of what we are familiar with.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> As for me, still with OM. Its really dragging now. I think for the first time he is feeling the drag. I was going to break up with him this weekend but he is taking my 65 inch TV back and cooking Thanksgiving Dinner. So I am putting it off until after Thanksgiving.
> 
> Not sure why I keep delaying it. Im such a chicken.
> 
> I did delete all my profiles. I am so not in the mood to date anyone.


Good lord, break up with him already! Stop foregoing the chance at real happiness simply because OM is available and convenient. You'll never get what you want with him. And you deserve to be happy.


----------



## bkyln309

3Xnocharm said:


> So were you actively seeking and dating other people? I thought you guys were exclusive...
> 
> You are being chicken because its always hard to let go of what we are familiar with.



We are exclusive. I never took them down the whole time we dated. I havent checked into the sites again until recently when I was contemplating breaking up with him. Kind of seeing what was out there. NADA!!!


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Glad to hear you two are doing well. I love the pretzel story. You deserve every happiness!!!!


Thank you! I almost cried when he handed the bowl to me. It may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I told him that--after I found my voice again. I mean... I've never had anyone treat me like this, except maybe my dad (and my mom pressured him into not doing that kind of thing, because she didn't want me to be "spoiled"). Even when our relationship was at its best, my XH would never have thought to do anything like this for me. After an entire lifetime of relationships (my mom, my XH) with people who professed they loved me, but who couldn't be bothered to do anything that I asked them to do, let alone anything unprompted just to see me smile, and who expected me to sacrifice myself and my needs to cater to their needs... Real Estate is simply a revelation. Most of the time, he just wants to see me smile. He just wants to see me happy.

He's still very scared of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend label. He thinks if we put a label on it, that means we will then be destined to break up, because in his experience (and in watching his father growing up), every relationship ends. So by not putting a label on us, he seems to think we might be doing the relationship equivalent of cheating death. I've agreed to forego the label, because, well, he's clearly in love with me and he isn't going anywhere. He just needs time and patience. Honestly, I think he'll propose to me before he calls me his girlfriend


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> We are exclusive. I never took them down the whole time we dated. I havent checked into the sites again until recently when I was contemplating breaking up with him. Kind of seeing what was out there. NADA!!!


Oy, online dating is an absolute farce and a waste of time.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FeministInPink said:


> Oy, online dating is an absolute farce and a waste of time.


Yep, agreed, OLD is the WORST. 

Kinda scared to share this, but for the first time in two years, I am starting to have some hope for my love life. Things seem to be taking a slow but positive turn with a certain person finally, and I don't want to jinx it!


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> Thank you! I almost cried when he handed the bowl to me. It may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I told him that--after I found my voice again. I mean... I've never had anyone treat me like this, except maybe my dad (and my mom pressured him into not doing that kind of thing, because she didn't want me to be "spoiled"). Even when our relationship was at its best, my XH would never have thought to do anything like this for me. After an entire lifetime of relationships (my mom, my XH) with people who professed they loved me, but who couldn't be bothered to do anything that I asked them to do, let alone anything unprompted just to see me smile, and who expected me to sacrifice myself and my needs to cater to their needs... Real Estate is simply a revelation. Most of the time, he just wants to see me smile. He just wants to see me happy.
> 
> He's still very scared of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend label. He thinks if we put a label on it, that means we will then be destined to break up, because in his experience (and in watching his father growing up), every relationship ends. So by not putting a label on us, he seems to think we might be doing the relationship equivalent of cheating death. I've agreed to forego the label, because, well, he's clearly in love with me and he isn't going anywhere. He just needs time and patience. Honestly, I think he'll propose to me before he calls me his girlfriend



Well that will be interesting. "Will you marry me?" But Im not your girlfriend so yes.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Well that will be interesting. "Will you marry me?" But Im not your girlfriend so yes.


Ha ha! You remember my psychic friend? She has said that once he is ready to commit, he will want to move things very quickly, and it will be up to me to slow down the pace. And she's been right on target with everything so far.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink

And he also takes the commitment of boyfriend/girlfriend VERY seriously, which is why he is hesitant to apply that label. He wants to be absolutely sure before he goes there.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Lifescript

Hey Fip. Happy for you. So busy at work. Insane!!


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha! You remember my psychic friend? She has said that once he is ready to commit, he will want to move things very quickly, and it will be up to me to slow down the pace. And she's been right on target with everything so far.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Wish I had a psychic friend


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Wish I had a psychic friend


I found her by accident.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

Another busy week.... and weekend. I am at work 
except that today, I am trying very hard NOT to give any fvcks ....


first of all, FIP so happy for you! 

Dating was somewhat always fun... I enjoy meeting people ONE on ONE. Not lots of people or at a party.... 

I would usually go to many dates for a period of two weeks, then just stop dating and settle with someone. 

The last time I was dating I met several interesting men. 

One was extremely accommodating and always tried too hard... he had a small penis. Does this happen with men who feel they have a small penis? Do you over compensate?
Another men felt chills and energy once or twice when I touched him. I felt nothing 
Another man meditated a lot and yet wore real diamond earrings (???) still trying to wrap my mind around this... because I do not like men who wear earrings period and he totally stopped pursuing me after I did not want to sleep with him.
A girl who felt I was too pretty for her... she also ignored me but when I began answering my text, she totally lost it ><
And of course!! THe one who wins all and broke my tiny, wonderful heart... he rejected me because he saw the ugly, messy, (but oh so wonderful) part of my soul
I know see he was simply a fvck boi ... he texted "I miss you" about a week ago. I did not see the point in answering. I actually do not care.

Overall, I like going out for coffee and meeting random men (a woman) because the more I go out on dates, the more I learned about myself and what I want/need in a future mate.

ugh.... I want to sleep! A LOT

Maybe I need another (this one self induced) breakdown. I have a very hard time accepting time off.... or giving myself time off...


----------



## ne9907

Lifescript said:


> Hey Fip. Happy for you. So busy at work. Insane!!


I have been meaning to ask you about your old co worker

The woman you felt in love with or thought you were in love with.

Also, how is it going with your new woman?


----------



## Lifescript

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm glad that you are happy, but you are WAY rushing this! You haven't even been together a year yet.


I agree. Wishing you the best but yea.


----------



## joannacroc

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep, agreed, OLD is the WORST.
> 
> Kinda scared to share this, but for the first time in two years, I am starting to have some hope for my love life. Things seem to be taking a slow but positive turn with a certain person finally, and I don't want to jinx it!


Ugh. Here here. Met one guy, who I went on 2 dates with before realizing we weren't compatible. Another guy seemed promising, but cancelled at the last minute for 2 dates, ostensibly due to his job. Is it my imagination or have people become flakier since I last dated? Do you think OLD gives people more license to be unreliable? I feel like if someone asked me out in person, they would feel obligated to show up at least. 

Many congratulations on your good dating streak


----------



## RandomDude

:yay: Just ditched number #2, she hasn't moved on from her ex.

Now I can be loyal to my cuddlebunny ^^


----------



## TooNice

I'm really enjoying the updates from everyone. It's nice to hear how you are all doing, and such good news from some of you! 

I recently took down my profiles again. For me, OLD is just so draining. I feel like every time there is potential and a man gets the slightest bit flirtatious, I get this need to make it clear that I am not looking for sex. I won't waste my time on a date with a man who is expecting the night to end that way. I constantly feel apprehensive and distrustful, and that's just not who I am. So it's time for another break. 

I recently made a big decision that will impact my schedule and life for the next six months anyway. At 45, I am running a marathon! I'm terrified and excited and very proud of myself. If someone comes along in these next months, I will be open to it, but this time is going to be focused on me and making this an amazing experience. After that, I will see what comes next. This will consume much of my life until spring, though!


----------



## RandomDude

Oh so now she tells me she doesn't like to swallow. Well could have told me ages ago so I wouldn't try so that we wouldn't have to end the mood in such an awkward note. Bah!

/vent


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> I'm really enjoying the updates from everyone. It's nice to hear how you are all doing, and such good news from some of you!
> 
> I recently took down my profiles again. For me, OLD is just so draining. I feel like every time there is potential and a man gets the slightest bit flirtatious, I get this need to make it clear that I am not looking for sex. I won't waste my time on a date with a man who is expecting the night to end that way. I constantly feel apprehensive and distrustful, and that's just not who I am. So it's time for another break.
> 
> I recently made a big decision that will impact my schedule and life for the next six months anyway. At 45, I am running a marathon! I'm terrified and excited and very proud of myself. If someone comes along in these next months, I will be open to it, but this time is going to be focused on me and making this an amazing experience. After that, I will see what comes next. This will consume much of my life until spring, though!


This is super cool!!!!! Please keep us updated on your progress 



RandomDude said:


> Oh so now she tells me she doesn't like to swallow. Well could have told me ages ago so I wouldn't try so that we wouldn't have to end the mood in such an awkward note. Bah!
> 
> /vent


:grin2::grin2::grin2:

So is that a deal breaker??


----------



## RandomDude

Nah... just annoyed she let me know at the last minute as it ruined the mood for sex, neither of us finished yesterday


----------



## daddymikey1975

RandomDude said:


> Nah... just annoyed she let me know at the last minute as it ruined the mood for sex, neither of us finished yesterday


This should typically be addressed via playful conversation very early on, or found out the first couple times you're intimate. Prevents some weird endings later on. Lol 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm

daddymikey1975 said:


> This should typically be addressed via playful conversation very early on, or found out the first couple times you're intimate. Prevents some weird endings later on. Lol
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


Why would that make for a weird ending?? :scratchhead: No need to make a production over it, it just happens and she doesn't swallow, so what?


----------



## Bananapeel

I took a week off work to do some hunting with my dad. Had a great time but realized that the woman I've been dating casually/non-exclusively for the past six months is getting much too clingy and ignoring me when I tell her to slow things down, so I'm going to break up with her later today. Too bad because she is phenomenal in bed, an intellectual equal, a lot of fun to date, and a good cook too. But those don't override the mismatch in relationship goals or the fact that she is ignoring my requests for some space. I'm meeting women everywhere and enjoying the single life, so it's all good.


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Oh so now she tells me she doesn't like to swallow. Well could have told me ages ago so I wouldn't try so that we wouldn't have to end the mood in such an awkward note. Bah!
> 
> /vent





RandomDude said:


> Nah... just annoyed she let me know at the last minute as it ruined the mood for sex, neither of us finished yesterday





daddymikey1975 said:


> This should typically be addressed via playful conversation very early on, or found out the first couple times you're intimate. Prevents some weird endings later on. Lol
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


:grin2::grin2::grin2:

I am a pretty good c0ck sucker... I swallow too. Once, I had a FWB that I dumped because he took forever to come... Like forever! I am lazy, I have refined my technique to make a man come fast.
This foo was a FWB and wanted the "relationship" sex... no thanks!


----------



## daddymikey1975

ne9907 said:


> :grin2::grin2::grin2:
> 
> I am a pretty good c0ck sucker... I swallow too. Once, I had a FWB that I dumped because he took forever to come... Like forever! I am lazy, I have refined my technique to make a man come fast.
> This foo was a FWB and wanted the "relationship" sex... no thanks!


This... Is flipping awesome! Hahahaha. Good on you ne lol 

Sent from my SM-G935U using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

FK ME DEAD... I really overdid it... REALLY overdid it, so I closed a deal at the last minute to maximise revenue this peak season and now operations can't handle it!!! So tight, zero room for error... and after a crazy hectic day, as well as injuring myself running around like a lunatic, this bum on the street had the nerve to be a rude **** WTF!?! Oh hell did I want to end his fking misery right there and then... BAH!

Entertaining fantasies of caving in his ribs, ripping out his jaw, cracking his joints... GRRRRRR...

/end vent

*sigh* better now... another day in paradise -.-


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> :grin2::grin2::grin2:
> 
> I am a pretty good c0ck sucker... I swallow too. Once, I had a FWB that I dumped because he took forever to come... Like forever! I am lazy, I have refined my technique to make a man come fast.
> This foo was a FWB and wanted the "relationship" sex... no thanks!


Lol I think I would be dumped too, I take AGEEEEEEEEEEES to finish sometimes.


----------



## Ynot

RandomDude said:


> She's also a woman who wants children, and I do not wish to have anymore. This is deal-breaker material.
> 
> Communication is also... difficult, when it comes to this topics, for the same reason I like her she pulls the blindfold over my eyes then I forget about it until to wake up some time later and go "oh ****!"
> She knows how to keep my mind in the present, but in our times apart I question whether that is even a good thing.


Does she keep your mind in the present or does she keep your mind on her pvssy?


----------



## RandomDude

Both!


----------



## vi_bride04

FeministInPink said:


> RD--and stop thinking so much. Overthinking has always been your biggest problem.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


He's just going to sabotage like he always does

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


----------



## RandomDude

I'm trying!!! She keeps blowing out the fuse 










And I find myself in darkness >.<


----------



## Hope Shimmers

Hope Shimmers said:


> It's true what they say about meeting someone when you least expect it.
> 
> I spent Thanksgiving at my brother's house. He lives about 700 miles from me, so I stayed 3 days. He has a beautiful house on 300 acres in the middle of nowhere, so other family stayed for several days too (log cabin style, 6-7 bedrooms, 6500 square feet, five fireplaces, etc). I did a lot of walking through the woods and thinking.
> 
> When I got there, one of his friends was there - someone I had heard a lot about but had never met. He is 43 and newly divorced (I am 52, divorced for several years). He's from the east coast originally but has a beautiful house on the property near my brother's house where he stays part of the year, and his job is based out of Los Angeles. His job is high security and complicated, and could be difficult to deal with for a relationship partner.
> 
> He and I hit it off and talked all Thanksgiving night. He took me to his house (with a couple of other people) for a tour. After bringing me back, he put on his coat to leave, but 2 hours later he was still there, talking.
> 
> The next day a bunch of us were in the great room watching football. I was curled up in a chair, when he showed up in the doorway. He said "I brought you guys some decent beer. Can I stay and watch?" and he looked directly at me and smiled.
> 
> I didn't pursue it, although I really like him. I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend (the LDR disaster with the guy from LA). Not sure I can deal with another LDR with another guy from LA. Also, it seems too soon. Yet, it seems that my ex is with someone else now, so maybe I should.
> 
> I went out to see my ex a week or two ago. I stayed for 5 days. He would not see me, except for late on a Saturday night after both of us had been drinking. I had decided I would see him then, if that was the only time he would see me, but I literally fell asleep while on the phone with him. I was still on east coast time. So now, I am evil incarnate, the most horrible person in the world, he won't even "breathe the air next to me", etc.
> 
> I don't know why I do the things I do.


Guess I don't belong here.


----------



## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> She's also a woman who wants children, and I do not wish to have anymore. This is deal-breaker material.
> 
> Communication is also... difficult, when it comes to this topics, for the same reason I like her she pulls the blindfold over my eyes then I forget about it until to wake up some time later and go "oh ****!"
> She knows how to keep my mind in the present, but in our times apart I question whether that is even a good thing.


If she wants kids, and you definitely don't, you need to let her go. It's not fair to her. Women have a limited window in which they can have children, and you're wasting her time if you definitely don't want kids.

If she KNOWS you don't want kids, and she's still willing to waste her time with you, then that's on her. But otherwise, you should cut her loose and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

RandomDude said:


> She's also a woman who wants children, and I do not wish to have anymore. This is deal-breaker material.
> 
> Communication is also... difficult, when it comes to this topics, for the same reason I like her she pulls the blindfold over my eyes then I forget about it until to wake up some time later and go "oh ****!"
> She knows how to keep my mind in the present, but in our times apart I question whether that is even a good thing.


So if it's a dealbreaker, why are you still even considering her? If she's got that much power over you, you're going to find yourself unwillingly a dad before you know it.

It doesn't matter how much chemistry you have, if you don't have communication, and you're not on the same page regarding children, there's no potential to this relationship.

The more you stay in it, the more she gets her hopes up that you're flexible on your dealbreakers.


----------



## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> If she wants kids, and you definitely don't, you need to let her go. It's not fair to her. Women have a limited window in which they can have children, and you're wasting her time if you definitely don't want kids.
> 
> If she KNOWS you don't want kids, and she's still willing to waste her time with you, then that's on her. But otherwise, you should cut her loose and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.





FeministInPink said:


> If she wants kids, and you definitely don't, you need to let her go. It's not fair to her. Women have a limited window in which they can have children, and you're wasting her time if you definitely don't want kids.
> 
> If she KNOWS you don't want kids, and she's still willing to waste her time with you, then that's on her. But otherwise, you should cut her loose and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.


She knows, yet shes not deterred, and that is so alien to me. Carefree, focuses on the now, who knows what the future would bring she says.

It challenges me. In my attempts to rid myself of any guilt that came from taking responsibility for other peoples decisions (and hence originally planning to keep her as a FWB for good), I sabotaged my own safeguard against emotional entanglement - as I was no longer afraid of hurting her... and without that defence mechanism I started having feelings! Yes... the horror! the horror! the horror! :|

But with emotions being involved now, I start thinking long-term potential, and this is a long time ticking bomb. She may have made her decision to stay, but does that absolve me of any guilt of disappointing her even though I've already let her know my plans?


----------



## RandomDude

Err this is weird, I posted a reply, and it didnt show up =/


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hope Shimmers said:


> Guess I don't belong here.


Why do you say that?


----------



## RandomDude

Forum glitchy... testing testing


----------



## FeministInPink

Hope Shimmers said:


> Guess I don't belong here.


Why would you say that?


----------



## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> Guess I don't belong here.


Aww Hope,

Sometimes we give out 2x4, sometimes we are rude, and sometimes we point out some of our flaws to each other. 

I have been on this forum for over 3 years. I have received some scalding 4x4 or 2x4 (?) .... 

You belong where you think you belong. 

Are you okay?? You can always PM me


----------



## Bananapeel

I have a third date tomorrow night with the phenomenal kisser from last week. I also met a gorgeous woman through a one in a million clerical error at work that was flirting heavily with me. When it rains it pours.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Aww Hope,
> 
> Sometimes we give out 2x4, sometimes we are rude, and sometimes we point out some of our flaws to each other.
> 
> I have been on this forum for over 3 years. I have received some scalding 4x4 or 2x4 (?) ....
> 
> You belong where you think you belong.
> 
> Are you okay?? You can always PM me


Yeah, I've beat at ne9907 pretty hard a couple times!  

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> Yeah, I've beat at ne9907 pretty hard a couple times!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


:grin2::grin2::grin2:

Who hasn't?? Seriously 

And I appreciate everything, well most of everything... 

BTW.... I might have a stalker....

A few months ago, I had a FWB which I dumped because he had anger issues and a small penis. Anyway.... he began texting me non stop since last Friday... stuff like 
"cum fvck me"
"answer me, your loss"
"you don't know what you missed out on"

etc etc ... I blocked him and since them, I have been receiving weird anonymous calls and FB friend's request....


----------



## Bananapeel

ne, you crack me up. Anger issues could have been OK to deal with, but toss in a small penis and he's done. That's priceless!


----------



## *Deidre*

ne9907 said:


> :grin2::grin2::grin2:
> 
> Who hasn't?? Seriously
> 
> And I appreciate everything, well most of everything...
> 
> BTW.... I might have a stalker....
> 
> A few months ago, I had a FWB which I dumped because he had anger issues and a small penis. Anyway.... he began texting me non stop since last Friday... stuff like
> "cum fvck me"
> "answer me, your loss"
> "you don't know what you missed out on"
> 
> etc etc ... I blocked him and since them, I have been receiving weird anonymous calls and FB friend's request....


Was this ''hot guy?'' lol 

Any guy who would text me any of the above...BLOCKED. lol 

I remember a guy I dated who used to send me texts after we broke up ''I miss you'' like over and over...for weeks on end. The texts varied a little to...''what are you wearing'' ''I have something to tell you...'' But, ''I miss you'' was the most. I didn't answer him, and it was just so weird how he never tired of that, but then I thought...I bet this guy is texting ten other women the same crap. lol They're exes for reasons.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> Aww Hope,
> 
> Sometimes we give out 2x4, sometimes we are rude, and sometimes we point out some of our flaws to each other.
> 
> I have been on this forum for over 3 years. I have received some scalding 4x4 or 2x4 (?) ....
> 
> You belong where you think you belong.
> 
> Are you okay?? You can always PM me


That's okay. Honestly, I can use the 2x4. I am just mad at myself because I've been acting stupid.

I think with my ex it really has to do with the fact that we never met, and he's going around calling me a catfish and an evil horrible person and other nasty things. I just wanted him to have to look me in the eye and realize none of that is true. But HE is the one who is refusing now, so that leads me to believe that he wants to continue to hold that over me. Or, that he isn't who he says he is. Or, that he thinks I might not like him in person.

Who knows. It isn't worth my time. I deserve a lot more and I'm going after it.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> anger issues


This, I could handle.



ne9907 said:


> and a small penis


But this? Hell no.

Did you tell him he has a small penis? That might humiliate him enough to get rid of him.


----------



## *Deidre*

Hope Shimmers said:


> That's okay. Honestly, I can use the 2x4. I am just mad at myself because I've been acting stupid.
> 
> I think with my ex it really has to do with the fact that we never met, and he's going around calling me a catfish and an evil horrible person and other nasty things. I just wanted him to have to look me in the eye and realize none of that is true. But HE is the one who is refusing now, so that leads me to believe that he wants to continue to hold that over me. Or, that he isn't who he says he is. Or, that he thinks I might not like him in person.
> 
> Who knows. It isn't worth my time. I deserve a lot more and I'm going after it.


You have an ex that you've never met? Like it was an online thing? 

If you are truly done with him, then blocking all contact and going no contact will help you move forward. He sounds like he wants contact, but only to upset you?


----------



## RandomDude

Wow you ladies are cruel! lol

So how could he be a FWB if he lacked the equipment to perform?

For me a FWB must be able to perform, it's all sex!


----------



## ne9907

Bananapeel said:


> ne, you crack me up. Anger issues could have been OK to deal with, but toss in a small penis and he's done. That's priceless!


I am a hilarious person! I am still shocked I am single....

haha... 

Really thought? for a FWB a big penis is a must!! I wanted nothing serious so if he would get angry, I would kick him out or leave.... or ignore him, which I did. Last straw was he got upset, I was ready to leave and he said "don't call again"
Then... less than a minute later, he began texting non stop!!



*Deidre* said:


> Was this ''hot guy?'' lol
> 
> Any guy who would text me any of the above...BLOCKED. lol
> 
> I remember a guy I dated who used to send me texts after we broke up ''I miss you'' like over and over...for weeks on end. The texts varied a little to...''what are you wearing'' ''I have something to tell you...'' But, ''I miss you'' was the most. I didn't answer him, and it was just so weird how he never tired of that, but then I thought...I bet this guy is texting ten other women the same crap. lol They're exes for reasons.


Not hot guy. Hot guy was well endowed.

I rarely mention my fwb on here because they are not important.

Incidentally, I was turned down by one recently. I asked him he replied with
"I honestly don't know how to respond. I do know I have a lot more to offer you than that, and I like you, more than expected"

I apologized to him..... guess 1) he isn't attracted to me or 2) he really wants something serious ( I do not)





Hope Shimmers said:


> That's okay. Honestly, I can use the 2x4. I am just mad at myself because I've been acting stupid.
> 
> I think with my ex it really has to do with the fact that we never met, and he's going around calling me a catfish and an evil horrible person and other nasty things. I just wanted him to have to look me in the eye and realize none of that is true. But HE is the one who is refusing now, so that leads me to believe that he wants to continue to hold that over me. Or, that he isn't who he says he is. Or, that he thinks I might not like him in person.
> 
> Who knows. It isn't worth my time. I deserve a lot more and I'm going after it.


Hope, DO NOT take anything personally. I understand it is difficult, but fvck that guy! Not literally.
Stop obsessing with men who live so far away from you.... Grow a thicker skin...


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Wow you ladies are cruel! lol
> 
> So how could he be a FWB if he lacked the equipment to perform?
> 
> For me a FWB must be able to perform, it's all sex!


He was really good on paper... he had a magic tongue and fingers.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hope, that ex is a VILE, disgusting excuse of a human being. Please stop handing him the whip to beat you with. I hope you are done this time!


----------



## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> He was really good on paper... he had a magic tongue and fingers.


But he can't erm... fk... lol


----------



## FeministInPink

Hope Shimmers said:


> This, I could handle.
> 
> 
> 
> But this? Hell no.
> 
> Did you tell him he has a small penis? That might humiliate him enough to get rid of him.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## FeministInPink

Hope Shimmers said:


> That's okay. Honestly, I can use the 2x4. I am just mad at myself because I've been acting stupid.
> 
> I think with my ex it really has to do with the fact that we never met, and he's going around calling me a catfish and an evil horrible person and other nasty things. I just wanted him to have to look me in the eye and realize none of that is true. But HE is the one who is refusing now, so that leads me to believe that he wants to continue to hold that over me. Or, that he isn't who he says he is. Or, that he thinks I might not like him in person.
> 
> Who knows. It isn't worth my time. I deserve a lot more and I'm going after it.


Block this douche canoe. He is worth neither your time nor your energy.

Seriously, some people are just sh!tty people, and this guy is one of them. He's a miserable fvck, and he wants to make you feel as miserable as he does. That's why people pull sh!t like this.

Block the motherfvcker and be done with it.

:smile2:


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> Hope, DO NOT take anything personally. I understand it is difficult, but fvck that guy! Not literally.
> 
> Stop obsessing with men who live so far away from you.... Grow a thicker skin...


The problem is, 1) I live in Hillbillyland and 2) I will be moving soon. So I don't want to date anyone here.



3Xnocharm said:


> Hope, that ex is a VILE, disgusting excuse of a human being. Please stop handing him the whip to beat you with. I hope you are done this time!


I told him that I hoped the karma bus hits him flat. His response just now in an email: "I hope you burn in hell you sick fVcker. Your name is removed [from his phone] and I hope you die alone and sick"

Gee, think he is secretly carrying a torch for me? :rofl:

He hates me, and he has made that abundantly clear. I've been in a lot of relationships and I have NEVER had a man talk to me the way he does. So yes, I'm done. 

His ex-girlfriend has been in the picture for months now. He told me she is classy (while telling me I am an evil horrible witch). I hope she runs for her life.



FeministInPink said:


> Block this douche canoe. He is worth neither your time nor your energy.
> 
> Seriously, some people are just sh!tty people, and this guy is one of them. He's a miserable fvck, and he wants to make you feel as miserable as he does. That's why people pull sh!t like this.
> 
> Block the motherfvcker and be done with it.
> 
> :smile2:


I always believed in the good of people. I thought I could do X or Y and it would change things. But I can't fix him. He isn't fixable.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hope Shimmers said:


> I told him that I hoped the karma bus hits him flat. His response just now in an email: "I hope you burn in hell you sick fVcker. Your name is removed [from his phone] and I hope you die alone and sick"
> 
> Gee, think he is secretly carrying a torch for me? :rofl:
> 
> He hates me, and he has made that abundantly clear. I've been in a lot of relationships and I have NEVER had a man talk to me the way he does. So yes, I'm done.
> 
> His ex-girlfriend has been in the picture for months now. He told me she is classy (while telling me I am an evil horrible witch). I hope she runs for her life.


GOOD! I still say he is married! He is a lying fvck, so you cant believe a thing that he says. 

Onward and upward! You are SO MUCH better than this!


----------



## RandomDude

Curious now actually, why is it that you ladies can say "dump bc he has a small penis"

But I get yelled at for saying "8/10+ is my standard!" -.-


----------



## RandomDude

Speaking of which, the standards have risen to 9.5/10+

Since cuddlebunny is 9.5+


----------



## Hope Shimmers

RandomDude said:


> Curious now actually, why is it that you ladies can say "dump bc he has a small penis"
> 
> But I get yelled at for saying "8/10+ is my standard!" -.-


Well.... because it's about sex. You can still have good sex with a woman who is not an 8/10+.

But a small penis is a dealbreaker in terms of sex. You know what they always say... "it's not what you have but what you do with it"? Well, I'm here to tell you that you need both.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

*Deidre* said:


> You have an ex that you've never met? Like it was an online thing?


Yes, for almost a year and a half. But not really online; mostly by phone. There is a thread about it here. It was actually pretty intense for awhile.



*Deidre* said:


> If you are truly done with him, then blocking all contact and going no contact will help you move forward. He sounds like he wants contact, but only to upset you?


I think the only reason he was still talking to me was to make me hurt. He wanted me to hurt.

I am angry as hell. He did not even TRY and that's what hurts the most.

So I need some advice. I heard from the guy I met at my brother's on Thanksgiving. He asked me if I would be interested in coming to California to see him for a couple of days. He said he would buy my ticket and that I could stay in his guest room. 

I told him about the very recent status of my previous "relationship" ending and he did not seem to have an issue with that at all. (In fact he said kind of jokingly: "Is there any REAL competition?") He also said that I need to understand that he has NO expectations; he just wanted to spend some time together.

Maybe it would be a rebound, but again, I really like him. And he is so respectful. It doesn't even compare to my ex, where I flew at the cost of $1500 and all he could do is say hateful things to me and refuse to even see me. This guy is buying my ticket AND picking me up at the airport AND letting me stay with him AND not putting pressure on me. So what if it is a rebound? It doesn't have to be that way forever. I feel like if I say no, I may be turning down something great.


----------



## FeministInPink

Hope Shimmers said:


> Yes, for almost a year and a half. But not really online; mostly by phone. There is a thread about it here. It was actually pretty intense for awhile.
> 
> 
> 
> I think the only reason he was still talking to me was to make me hurt. He wanted me to hurt.
> 
> I am angry as hell. He did not even TRY and that's what hurts the most.
> 
> So I need some advice. I heard from the guy I met at my brother's on Thanksgiving. He asked me if I would be interested in coming to California to see him for a couple of days. He said he would buy my ticket and that I could stay in his guest room.
> 
> I told him about the very recent status of my previous "relationship" ending and he did not seem to have an issue with that at all. (In fact he said kind of jokingly: "Is there any REAL competition?") He also said that I need to understand that he has NO expectations; he just wanted to spend some time together.
> 
> Maybe it would be a rebound, but again, I really like him. And he is so respectful. It doesn't even compare to my ex, where I flew at the cost of $1500 and all he could do is say hateful things to me and refuse to even see me. This guy is buying my ticket AND picking me up at the airport AND letting me stay with him AND not putting pressure on me. So what if it is a rebound? It doesn't have to be that way forever. I feel like if I say no, I may be turning down something great.


You could go see the guy in CA, but I would recommend getting a hotel room for yourself. I wouldn't feel comfortable staying in the home of a guy I just met. But it could be fun.

1.5 yrs, and you never actually met the guy? Red flags all over the place, girl!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope Shimmers

*Deidre* said:


> You have an ex that you've never met? Like it was an online thing?
> 
> If you are truly done with him, then blocking all contact and going no contact will help you move forward. He sounds like he wants contact, but only to upset you?





FeministInPink said:


> You could go see the guy in CA, but I would recommend getting a hotel room for yourself. I wouldn't feel comfortable staying in the home of a guy I just met. But it could be fun.
> 
> 1.5 yrs, and you never actually met the guy? Red flags all over the place, girl!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Actually in the beginning it was on me that we never met. My fault. As time went on, it was because EVERY SINGLE TIME I went there, we would be arguing and he would be saying "I won't see you" and I would have to beg. EVERY time. Like it was being sabotaged.

And then he might change his mind in the middle of the night or sometime when it would involve my hotel room, and I just felt like sh#t about it so I would back down. I wanted just ONE TIME for him to say "I can't wait to see you - I love you - I can't wait to be with you" and have our first meeting somewhere that didn't involve a bed. It just never happened. I always felt like I was begging and pleading because he was ALWAYS mad at me and calling me names etc. 

Anyway, thank you for the input! I would too be worried about staying with this new guy, because I don't know him well at all, but my brother has known him forever and said there is no nicer guy anywhere. The reason he got divorced was that his wife cheated on him, despite him treating her like a princess (bought her a house, car, constant vacations, etc).


----------



## RandomDude

Hope Shimmers said:


> Well.... because it's about sex. You can still have good sex with a woman who is not an 8/10+.
> 
> But a small penis is a dealbreaker in terms of sex. You know what they always say... "it's not what you have but what you do with it"? Well, I'm here to tell you that you need both.


But 'tis the same thing see? 

As for me, nope I can't have good sex with a woman who is not an 8/10+, because I simply won't be attracted, and I'd rather spare women the insult of ramming them while thinking of someone else! :surprise: Speaking of which, my /10 scale is relative, to my specific tastes - beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all 

But 'tis still the same for me, and hence... no fair


----------



## Hope Shimmers

RandomDude said:


> As for me, nope I can't have good sex with a woman who is not an 8/10+, because I simply won't be attracted


So close your eyes


----------



## RandomDude

Lol no! I reckon that's way more mean than just telling them "not my type" and moving on to someone I actually do find attractive


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hope, if he wants to spend time with you, I think he needs to come to YOU. You need to get away from the dynamic that YOU are the one putting out the effort. I also think you need to stay away from LDR. I understand you live in like, Podunkville. But LDR's are awful, as you've learned, and maybe not being involved with ANYONE for a while would be smart too. You get to move away fairly soon, look for an R then. 

My two cents, not that anyone asked! lol


----------



## Hope Shimmers

3Xnocharm said:


> Hope, if he wants to spend time with you, I think he needs to come to YOU. You need to get away from the dynamic that YOU are the one putting out the effort. I also think you need to stay away from LDR. I understand you live in like, Podunkville. But LDR's are awful, as you've learned, and maybe not being involved with ANYONE for a while would be smart too. You get to move away fairly soon, look for an R then.
> 
> My two cents, not that anyone asked! lol


Hell yes someone asked! "I" asked!!!! Thank you!!!!

He doesn't want to spend time with me, which should have been evident months or a year ago in the fact that he didn't try to come here. It was always about me going there, and then him refusing me.

I fVcking HATE him. I do. Let him have his ex-girlfriend that he brought into the picture long before I ever knew it. He was dating her when I THOUGHT we were still together. Way back to earlier this year. FVck HIM!!!!!!!! She can have him. 

I'm sorry for my anger. 

I don't want to be alone anymore. So LDR is really the only option, as hard as it is. I want to be with someone, very close to someone, in love with someone. I just picked the wrong man.


----------



## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> Hell yes someone asked! "I" asked!!!! Thank you!!!!
> 
> He doesn't want to spend time with me, which should have been evident months or a year ago in the fact that he didn't try to come here. It was always about me going there, and then him refusing me.
> 
> I fVcking HATE him. I do. Let him have his ex-girlfriend that he brought into the picture long before I ever knew it. He was dating her when I THOUGHT we were still together. Way back to earlier this year. FVck HIM!!!!!!!! She can have him.
> 
> I'm sorry for my anger.
> 
> I don't want to be alone anymore. So LDR is really the only option, as hard as it is. I want to be with someone, very close to someone, in love with someone. I just picked the wrong man.



If you truly want someone compatible to be your "soul mate" perhaps you should move to a more populated area.

I agree with FiP, go see the guy in California. Have some fun BUT BUT BUT, do not invest your heart on this one....

Hope... Perhaps you are afraid of true intimacy hence picking men who are very far away from you.



I made a very delicious mistake ...
I have a friend, more of an acquaintance. Long story short, last night he came over, we were up until about three hours ago. Most fun I've had (without drinking) in a very long time!! We laughed, had sex, laughed, had sex, laughed, talked, sex, slept for about two hours, do you know the song "I guess that is what they call it the blues?" by Elton John, well last night/this morning seemed like that. I had not laughed with so much joy in AGES!!

A quote that comes to mind goes something like "Time is irrelevant to lovers" or "lovers do not care about sleep" 
was awesome!

Not interested in anything remotely serious with him.

EDIT: Found the quote "People who do not care if they sleep are lovers"


----------



## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Curious now actually, why is it that you ladies can say "dump bc he has a small penis"
> 
> But I get yelled at for saying "8/10+ is my standard!" -.-


Here is my take:

I can deal with a small penis IF I am invested in the man. IF I have feelings for him, penis size is NOT important to me. However, for raw sex an adequate penis is important.

You would be surprised at how women overlook many physical attributes in a man once we fall in love. Stupid feelings.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Hope Shimmers said:


> Hell yes someone asked! "I" asked!!!! Thank you!!!!
> 
> He doesn't want to spend time with me, which should have been evident months or a year ago in the fact that he didn't try to come here. It was always about me going there, and then him refusing me.
> 
> I fVcking HATE him. I do. Let him have his ex-girlfriend that he brought into the picture long before I ever knew it. He was dating her when I THOUGHT we were still together. Way back to earlier this year. FVck HIM!!!!!!!! She can have him.
> 
> I'm sorry for my anger.
> 
> I don't want to be alone anymore. So LDR is really the only option, as hard as it is. I want to be with someone, very close to someone, in love with someone. I just picked the wrong man.


Don't apologize for the anger, hang onto it! It can help you move past this. And if you insist on an LDR, make sure it isn't one sided again, your partner must match your effort!


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> If you truly want someone compatible to be your "soul mate" perhaps you should move to a more populated area.


It's not that it's unpopulated. It's just that it is populated with hillbillies. And trust me, I'm going to move.



ne9907 said:


> I agree with FiP, go see the guy in California. Have some fun BUT BUT BUT, do not invest your heart on this one....
> 
> Hope... Perhaps you are afraid of true intimacy hence picking men who are very far away from you.


I don't think I'm afraid of intimacy. I actually crave intimacy. I also didn't really pick this guy; he picked me. I wish he would have just left me alone!



ne9907 said:


> I made a very delicious mistake ...
> I have a friend, more of an acquaintance. Long story short, last night he came over, we were up until about three hours ago. Most fun I've had (without drinking) in a very long time!! We laughed, had sex, laughed, had sex, laughed, talked, sex, slept for about two hours, do you know the song "I guess that is what they call it the blues?" by Elton John, well last night/this morning seemed like that. I had not laughed with so much joy in AGES!!
> 
> A quote that comes to mind goes something like "Time is irrelevant to lovers" or "lovers do not care about sleep"
> was awesome!
> 
> Not interested in anything remotely serious with him.
> 
> EDIT: Found the quote "People who do not care if they sleep are lovers"


So why was it a mistake?

I need YOUR life!!!

Why don't you want to get serious?


----------



## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> It's not that it's unpopulated. It's just that it is populated with hillbillies. And trust me, I'm going to move.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think I'm afraid of intimacy. I actually crave intimacy. I also didn't really pick this guy; he picked me. I wish he would have just left me alone!
> 
> 
> 
> So why was it a mistake?
> 
> I need YOUR life!!!
> 
> Why don't you want to get serious?



Was a "mistake" because well... I am kinda like a fvck boi, which means I used men for sex often. I have been moving towards a different path with my life. A path of finding myself and be happy by MYSELF.

I do not want to get serious because I need to find myself... relationships are kinda boring, they also require a lot of work on both parties. I am lazy. I do not want to work on a successful relationship. I am beginning to be happy by myself.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> Was a "mistake" because well... I am kinda like a fvck boi, which means I used men for sex often. I have been moving towards a different path with my life. A path of finding myself and be happy by MYSELF.
> 
> I do not want to get serious because I need to find myself... relationships are kinda boring, they also require a lot of work on both parties. I am lazy. I do not want to work on a successful relationship. I am beginning to be happy by myself.


You are very self-aware. I wish I could say the same, but I'm working on it.

Do you really want to stop the casual sex and fun? The laughing? For the sake of being by yourself? 

Anyway, it sounded like a great night 

I got an email from Thanksgiving Guy saying, "I am really looking forward to seeing you". Just a small thing, but it was HUGE! I don't remember the last time someone made me feel like they really wanted to see me. Instead of name calling and yelling and insults and "I won't see you" crap that I have been living with for the last year and a half. Is this what a real relationship is like?

And no, I won't let my heart get involved too fast. The Boston accent is hard to resist though...


----------



## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> You are very self-aware. I wish I could say the same, but I'm working on it.
> 
> Do you really want to stop the casual sex and fun? The laughing? For the sake of being by yourself?
> 
> Anyway, it sounded like a great night
> 
> I got an email from Thanksgiving Guy saying, "I am really looking forward to seeing you". Just a small thing, but it was HUGE! I don't remember the last time someone made me feel like they really wanted to see me. Instead of name calling and yelling and insults and "I won't see you" crap that I have been living with for the last year and a half. Is this what a real relationship is like?
> 
> And no, I won't let my heart get involved too fast. The Boston accent is hard to resist though...


Enjoy and have fun with this guy. DO not put all your eggs on one basket though 

Do I really want to stop the casual sex, fun, and laughter? No, but I have a tendency to fall for the losers I have fun with....


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> Enjoy and have fun with this guy. DO not put all your eggs on one basket though
> 
> Do I really want to stop the casual sex, fun, and laughter? No, but I have a tendency to fall for the losers I have fun with....


Ha ha, true! That is the one thing you really need to look out for!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Ynot

ne9907 said:


> Enjoy and have fun with this guy. DO not put all your eggs on one basket though
> 
> Do I really want to stop the casual sex, fun, and laughter? No, but I have a tendency to fall for the losers I have fun with....


Funny! I was talking with a friend a moment ago. We were discussing women. We concluded that the best sex was usually with a woman with lots of issues. Man's perspective. It's hard to cut off the relationship when the sex is so good.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

I have gone back and forth with him for a couple of times today.

I want him to give me so much more, but he needs to find the right person for that. I am obviously not that person.


----------



## RandomDude

Spilled the beans with cuddlebunny in regards to my financial capability, and well, she wasn't impressed, nor disappointed. She frankly, did... not... care. 

Didn't object to me testing her, she objected to me comparing her to other women I dated however. Bah! -.-


----------



## ne9907

Ynot said:


> Funny! I was talking with a friend a moment ago. We were discussing women. We concluded that the best sex was usually with a woman with lots of issues. Man's perspective. It's hard to cut off the relationship when the sex is so good.


Haha... the hot vs crazy matrix...




Hope Shimmers said:


> I have gone back and forth with him for a couple of times today.
> 
> I want him to give me so much more, but he needs to find the right person for that. I am obviously not that person.


WHO??


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> WHO??


I don't know :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I think I was thinking out loud. Or half asleep.


----------



## ne9907

my friend came to visit over the weekend. I began obsessing with him.... see??? I was not obsessing until I "felt" he wasn't into me (??)

ah.... still so much self acceptance and growth to do.

He is a cool friend to hang out with and stuff, so I better NOT **** this up. However, if I do **** it up, oh well... I will get over that as well.


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Curious now actually, why is it that you ladies can say "dump bc he has a small penis"
> 
> But I get yelled at for saying "8/10+ is my standard!" -.-



That is call "double standards" LOL . I want a 8/10 and a decent penis in size and performance .

Sigh . Where art thou ?


----------



## vi_bride04

tripad said:


> That is call "double standards" LOL . I want a 8/10 and a decent penis in size and performance .
> 
> Sigh . Where art thou ?


You ain't kidding. The pickings are slim slim slim!!!!


----------



## tripad

vi_bride04 said:


> You ain't kidding. The pickings are slim slim slim!!!!


LOL


----------



## FeministInPink

vi_bride04 said:


> You ain't kidding. The pickings are slim slim slim!!!!


The good ones get snatched up fast. And when they come back on the market, they're never on the market for very long.

It's like getting to the market too late after they've announced an imminent blizzard, and have preemptively declared a state of emergency. The shelves are empty, and all that's left are pickles, ramen, and SPAM.


----------



## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> The good ones get snatched up fast. And when they come back on the market, they're never on the market for very long.
> 
> It's like getting to the market too late after they've announced an imminent blizzard, and have preemptively declared a state of emergency. The shelves are empty, and all that's left are pickles, ramen, and SPAM.


:grin2::grin2::grin2::grin2:

Cannot help but feel as if I am RAMEN!~ hahaha

Does that statement also applies to women??


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> :grin2::grin2::grin2::grin2:
> 
> Cannot help but feel as if I am RAMEN!~ hahaha
> 
> Does that statement also applies to women??


Well, I read somewhere that there are more single women than there are single men, by a slight margin--because in general, there are more women than men in general, by a slight margin (at least in the US). So the single men out there have slightly better odds.

And in my own limited experience and observation, what I see out there in terms of the dating world, when observing my dating pool/age range (which I consider to be 33-48 or so--I am 37), is this: You have a lot of people who have recently divorced (within the last 5 years or so), and you see people that have always been single (for this argument, this means never having been married). 

Among the divorced people, you have two groups: 1) those that have addressed their own failings and issues, and are ready to carry on with a healthier relationship than they have in the past, and 2) those who are carrying around a lot of baggage because they didn't work through their sh!t, some of whom are looking for a relationship, some of whom just want to date and have fun, others who have sworn off the other sex entirely (but who, strangely, still want to get laid), and everything in between.

What I have seen is that more women fall into the first category, and more men fall into the second category. I think this is because our society conditions us to believe that women are more in touch with their emotions, and men are encouraged to bury and ignore their emotions; so women are inherently more likely to get therapy, and men aren't. So you have a lot of women looking for a healthy relationship, with only a few men who are actually equipped with the emotional skills to engage in a healthy relationship, and those men get snatched up quickly. 

What the women are left to deal with is a bunch of men from group 2, from which even the men who want a relationship don't necessarily have the emotional skills to actually engage in a healthy relationship. They can learn, if the woman is patient and he is willing to learn from her, but it takes a LOT of emotional work on the part of the female in this equation. 

And then you have the folks who have never been married. The ones who are younger than 40, it's plausible that they haven't found the right person yet. (I live in an urban area with a lot of well-educated people, a demographic known for marrying/settling down later in life than the average, which I believe is age 27 or so.) A lot of people where I live have spent their 20s focused on grad school, advancing their careers, and possibly moving from place to place, and I see a LOT of people getting married in their mid-to-late 30s. (A good friend of mine just got married--she's 38.) So it's not unusual to meet well-adjusted, emotionally healthy people in their mid-30s looking to find the right person--but there are also a lot of people just looking to have fun and date around. And from what I've seen, more of these are men rather than women. Plus, in my area, there are a LOT more single women than men, more than the national average, so these guys know they can have their pick--so they skew younger in who they choose to date, because they can.

Now, for the never-marrieds over 40. Every single never-married I know over the age of 40 has serious issues--and some of these people are my dear friends. I love them to bits, and they bring so much to my life, but I would never in a gazillion years date any of them, because of the issues! And not a single one of them is self-aware enough to realize that the problem might be with themselves and their behavior; it's always a problem with the other person. This is why I won't date someone over the age of 40, if they've never been married. This is not a stream I want to be fishing in.

This is what I've seen. So I'm not sure that the same supermarket analogy can apply to men looking for women. However, I've had a lot of male friends--some of them friends from TAM!--who have expressed a lot of frustration at what is available on the dating market, and I think they would say that the supermarket analogy DOES apply to men looking for women.

But, then again, I think it also depends on how you look at it. Someone who is a really good cook can look at the picked over supermarket and say, "Hey, there are still some pretty good options here, it's not what I would have chosen, but I can still make something pretty great with this," and will move forward without getting discouraged. Someone who is an optimist might say, "Well, all they have left is cupcakes and Triscuits, I can live on that for a few days, and I love cupcakes, so I'll just come back when they're restocked after the storm, I'm sure I'll find what I want then." No one walks into the supermarket and says, "All they have left is ramen and spam! Is this all I'll be able to eat for the rest of my life? I'm just going to stop eating." OK, well, maybe _someone_ does...


----------



## vi_bride04

Great summary, FIP, my experiences have been similar....and why I'm still single. 

I'm a pretty good cook, but you can only do so much with leftovers...lol


----------



## RandomDude

Cuddlebunny has been promoted from date to girlfriend status

That is all


----------



## GuyInColorado

Had the best morning sex ever this morning!! I swear I can could go all morning, morning sex is a totally different than sex at night before bedtime. Wish we could have it more often.

GF's 8yr D asked what we were doing in bed after we got up.. oops, need better insulated doors/walls. Damn kids.

About to pull the trigger on a $10k 1.5ct round diamond. How are these things so overpriced? This will be the last diamond I ever buy, so going to buy the best one the budget allows. Wish I had $15-20K to get a nice 2ct.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

GuyInColorado said:


> Had the best morning sex ever this morning!! I swear I can could go all morning, morning sex is a totally different than sex at night before bedtime. Wish we could have it more often.
> 
> GF's 8yr D asked what we were doing in bed after we got up.. oops, need better insulated doors/walls. Damn kids.
> 
> About to pull the trigger on a $10k 1.5ct round diamond. How are these things so overpriced? This will be the last diamond I ever buy, so going to buy the best one the budget allows. Wish I had $15-20K to get a nice 2ct.


Too soon. Don't do it.


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## RandomDude

Me and cuddlebunny!


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## ne9907

RandomDude said:


> Me and cuddlebunny!


awwwwww..... sooooo stinkin cute!!~~~



This morning I woke up so damn happy (???) like seriously fvcking happy... for no reason whatsoever!!

I have the urge to sing that French nursery song Aloutte 

I am going to enjoy being happy


----------



## moco82

FeministInPink said:


> Plus, in my area, there are a LOT more single women than men, more than the national average, so these guys know they can have their pick--so they skew younger in who they choose to date, because they can.


Meh. From an average guy's standpoint, urban centers in the Midwest have better pickings (ratio-wise). And if one ever set foot in an Eastern European capital, one almost wants the Men in Black to zap that memory and lower the bar. Manhattan beats DC by a mile as well, but, once again, an average guy is worse off there than a less fancy and overachieving urban center. But perhaps my knowledge of the Midwest is slightly outdated, and the young have fled it in ever greater droves than before.


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## Hope Shimmers

...


----------



## Hope Shimmers

Honestly, I am done. My ex didn't even apologize for saying he wished I was dead. He DOES wish I was dead. So I will be (to him).


----------



## tripad

ne9907 said:


> :grin2::grin2::grin2::grin2:
> 
> Cannot help but feel as if I am RAMEN!~ hahaha
> 
> Does that statement also applies to women??



OMG !!!

What am I ?

In the warehouse ??

I dont even get close to a stream to fish for a man . Kinda feel that I am wasted away , over work and kids , and alone .


----------



## tripad

Oh dont feel gloomy for me :grin2: ( if you do at all LOL )

Doing well , job wise , which means financially sunny .

Booked a ski holiday to Japan for me n kids n booked a room with full screen window to ski mountain :grin2: which cost me a bomb but what the heck , I have been working my ass off for past 3 years .

Ahhh my kids' first snow and ski ( we are in equator hot zone ) so I want it to be memorable .:grin2:

Ahhhhh , the man will come along when my sun is shining bright and cheery .

The thing is , I start to question this , will he be with me when things are gloomy ? Do I want a man who is with me when my sun is shining bright only ?:scratchhead::scratchhead:

You know , after what had happened , and climbing out of the sh1t hole alone and I guess I wasn't the most attractive when i am down and out and divorcing , i start to wonder will the man be around when I am down and out ?


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## TooNice

GuyInColorado said:


> Had the best morning sex ever this morning!! I swear I can could go all morning, morning sex is a totally different than sex at night before bedtime. Wish we could have it more often.
> 
> GF's 8yr D asked what we were doing in bed after we got up.. oops, need better insulated doors/walls. Damn kids.
> 
> About to pull the trigger on a $10k 1.5ct round diamond. How are these things so overpriced? This will be the last diamond I ever buy, so going to buy the best one the budget allows. Wish I had $15-20K to get a nice 2ct.


I agree that this is very soon. And to each his own, but I cannot even fathom a man spending that much money on a ring for me. Maybe you and she are in different places with this than I am, but for a second marriage, I can think of so many better ways to use that kind of money. I thought the $2500 on my set the first time around was a lot!


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## TooNice

Ok gang. Help!

I decided that while I am training for my marathon, I am not actively looking to meet new men. If I have already been talking with/seeing someone, or if I meet someone new by chance, great. But no more dating sites, or looking for men to meet. I have a couple of potentials, but I take them all with a grain of salt unless something develops. I'm not really good at multi-dating, and have never really had much serious consideration of more than one guy at once, anyway.

I have one guy I met online a few months ago who lives out of state, but travels here every week for work. He's a high level professional, 40, very smart and funny and treats me extremely well. I like him very much, and we have had several dates. His schedule has been tough for some time, though, and I haven't seen him in weeks. But we still text, and I hope to see him soon.

I met a younger guy (30) a few weeks ago while I was out one night. I've seen him a few times now, and he's also pretty great. We were supposed to have coffee this evening, but I gave him the heads up that I have a bit of a sore throat starting, so he cancelled. He texted me a while later and asked if he could stop by. That he had something for me. When I opened the door, he had a thermos for me. Filled with a tea for helping you get better faster. Guys... this guy brought me tea. He brought me freaking tea! How sweet is that?

So now... you may recall me talking about out-of-town guy - lives 90 minutes away... I shut down Tinder for him... then he got strange and backed off. A lot. So that one fizzled and I moved on. A few months later I got a friend request from him on FB. And a message asking how I've been. So. Weird. I ignored it at first, but then he sent another message, so I replied. We had a very dry conversation about how our lives had been going, and then nothing. (I ignored the friend request.)

Tonight, curiosity got the best of me and I asked him what happened. It was just so unsettling the way things ended, and I felt like I had to ask. Turns out, he thought *I* had backed off and stopped communicating the same way and figured I wasn't interested. He hasn't met anyone else, and "never stopped thinking about me". Yikes. 

He wants to start again. He sees us as long term potential and wants to give it a chance. Between normal holiday stuff and training, I have very little time to commit. I was honest about that, and he is unfazed. Says I'm worth waiting for. Yikes.

So... this is what not dating looks like, huh?

Yikes.


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## ne9907

My page had gone fubar...
@tripad Japan sounds lovely!~~~

This weekend, I was mentioning to a friend that since my 40th birthday is next year, I should do something amazing to celebrate. I am thinking a trip through Europe. Hit Spain, then England, then France, then Italy... or Japan!! Or even Thailand
MY birthday is in June and I already foresee a busy busy busy schedule at work (first graduating class). 

I might have to postpone until Sept
@TooNice have fun. However, if I was you, I would not bother with the one guy who recently contacted you. I remember this loser. He is not worth your precious self. He totally ignored you. Fvck him. Perhaps I am being too harsh, but seriously dude... You are amazing!!! You do not need to be someone's back burner.
Also, yes the 30 year old guy is sweet... awww.... that is adorable!

Age is not as important as the level of maturity. For example, I slept with a 37 years old who made me feel sooooooo old. He was so nervous during our first date. Then during sex, he was nervous as well.... Also a 41 year old who acted the same way....
Lately, all the men Ive slept with are so nervous around me.... sometimes I even feel as if I am taking advantage of them... seriously not fun!

Monday! I hate you!


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Not sure what is going on with this site. I am unable to see TooNice's nor Tripad's latest post....




I can see yours on the Tapatalk app or the mobile site, but not from my desktop. Strange!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> I can see yours on the Tapatalk app or the mobile site, but not from my desktop. Strange!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I switched to my desktop, added a new message and was able to all new posts~


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> I switched to my desktop, added a new message and was able to all new posts~




Good-because I need your advice! Lol!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Good-because I need your advice! Lol!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I replied to your message. Oftentimes, we rush into these so called "relationships" 

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. For example, my ego hijacks me all the time!! That friend I spoke about, he is simply a friend and we had fun together, however my ego was pushing to get in a relationship with him! Even though I do not want to be in a relationship.

He came to see me the other day... rather I picked him up.... I grew bored of his presence in my space.

However, when he wasn't around me, I would get jealous. I am feeling confident and happy today.


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## EleGirl

Hope Shimmers said:


> Honestly, I am done. My ex didn't even apologize for saying he wished I was dead. He DOES wish I was dead. So I will be (to him).


I am sure that this is hard to deal with. While you hurt over this, you are also lucky to have this guy out of your life. He is clearly not good for you.

{{{hugs}}}


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## Bananapeel

ne9907 said:


> This weekend, I was mentioning to a friend that since my 40th birthday is next year, I should do something amazing to celebrate. I am thinking a trip through Europe. Hit Spain, then England, then France, then Italy... or Japan!! Or even Thailand
> MY birthday is in June and I already foresee a busy busy busy schedule at work (first graduating class).


Awesome plan, go for it! I also turn 40 next year and have two f-ing awesome trips planned. One is in the states to see a UFC fight (haven't booked this yet), and the other is overseas (I already bought my plane ticket and am working on the Rosetta stone language course). Nothing beats turning 40 and having the time and money to really enjoy the moment. :smthumbup:


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> This weekend, I was mentioning to a friend that since my 40th birthday is next year, I should do something amazing to celebrate. I am thinking a trip through Europe. Hit Spain, then England, then France, then Italy... or Japan!! Or even Thailand
> 
> MY birthday is in June and I already foresee a busy busy busy schedule at work (first graduating class).
> 
> 
> 
> I might have to postpone until Sept.



I love this idea! Even if you have to postpone it a little, it's still exciting and fun and YOURS. Good for you!



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TooNice

tripad said:


> Booked a ski holiday to Japan for me n kids n booked a room with full screen window to ski mountain :grin2: which cost me a bomb but what the heck , I have been working my ass off for past 3 years .
> 
> 
> 
> Ahhh my kids' first snow and ski ( we are in equator hot zone ) so I want it to be memorable .:grin2:



I'm sure you will have a great time-enjoy every moment! ;-)



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Hope Shimmers

EleGirl said:


> I am sure that this is hard to deal with. While you hurt over this, you are also lucky to have this guy out of your life. He is clearly not good for you.
> 
> {{{hugs}}}


Thank you EleGirl...

I got him a ring for Christmas, gold with 1ct total weight diamonds. Not because I expected anything back, just because I wanted to. Now I have to take that back to the store. Uggh.

Oh well. I will meet someone else - I always do.

To top things off, I just found out from the IRS that I am being audited. :banghead: Yay. I do my own taxes and itemize because I have a business. I think I have.... most of my receipts.


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## Hope Shimmers

TooNice said:


> So... this is what not dating looks like, huh?
> 
> Yikes.


This is the way it ALWAYS happens. Guys come along when you aren't looking. 

The tea guy sounds like a keeper.


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## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> Thank you EleGirl...
> 
> I got him a ring for Christmas, gold with 1ct total weight diamonds. Not because I expected anything back, just because I wanted to. Now I have to take that back to the store. Uggh.
> 
> Oh well. I will meet someone else - I always do.
> 
> To top things off, I just found out from the IRS that I am being audited. :banghead: Yay. I do my own taxes and itemize because I have a business. I think I have.... most of my receipts.


 @HopeShimmers

What are you doing for yourself? How do you show love? What are your previous relationship status? How do you feel about yourself? 

I feel you are a kindred spirit .... because you seem to give too much of you to the men in your life. I am that way. This guy is a total loser....


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## sosotte

It's so hard with the holidays coming soon and everyone being happy and spending time with family and you're alone. I wish we could all do a Meetup instead xD


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> @HopeShimmers
> 
> What are you doing for yourself? How do you show love? What are your previous relationship status? How do you feel about yourself?
> 
> I feel you are a kindred spirit .... because you seem to give too much of you to the men in your life. I am that way. This guy is a total loser....


It's a really long story, but it boils down to the fact that I didn't give him the kind of love I was able to give in other relationships because I never felt valued. I didn't feel important so I tried to set some boundaries, which I broke time and again but then he was nasty. I think it created a vicious cycle and maybe a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Yes I am known to give too much in relationships (you do that too?) So many people have told me that. My last relationship (before this most recent one) lasted several years and was with a man who was legally separated and had been living on his own for quite awhile. We started dating and, VERY long story short, he went back to his wife (out of guilt, he said). But I was pregnant (he was the father) and I gave birth to my daughter prematurely at around 22 weeks and she only lived 20 minutes. Darkest day of my life - I was totally alone. I was a mess for a long time after that.


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## Hope Shimmers

sosotte said:


> It's so hard with the holidays coming soon and everyone being happy and spending time with family and you're alone. I wish we could all do a Meetup instead xD
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That would be great!


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## ne9907

Hope Shimmers said:


> It's a really long story, but it boils down to the fact that I didn't give him the kind of love I was able to give in other relationships because I never felt valued. I didn't feel important so I tried to set some boundaries, which I broke time and again but then he was nasty. I think it created a vicious cycle and maybe a self-fulfilling prophesy.
> 
> Yes I am known to give too much in relationships (you do that too?) So many people have told me that. My last relationship (before this most recent one) lasted several years and was with a man who was legally separated and had been living on his own for quite awhile. We started dating and, VERY long story short, he went back to his wife (out of guilt, he said). But I was pregnant (he was the father) and I gave birth to my daughter prematurely at around 22 weeks and she only lived 20 minutes. Darkest day of my life - I was totally alone. I was a mess for a long time after that.


I am so sorry about your daughter... I would like to know more about your story because it seems to me that you need to value and love yourself more.... This ex of yours, the most recent one. Forget him. He lived too far away to begin with.... Do you have a therapist? do you have close friends you can talk to?


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## wantshelp

Hope Shimmers said:


> ...But I was pregnant (he was the father) and I gave birth to my daughter prematurely at around 22 weeks and she only lived 20 minutes. Darkest day of my life - I was totally alone. I was a mess for a long time after that.


OMG, so sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine what that is like for you as the mother (or parent). My brother and his wife had a baby born in a similar way. Born very premature with no chance of survival. I think the baby was alive for less than an hour. My brother and sister-in-law held the baby in their hospital room for a long time as they came to terms with the tragedy that had just happened... Life sucks sometimes...


----------



## Hope Shimmers

ne9907 said:


> I am so sorry about your daughter... I would like to know more about your story because it seems to me that you need to value and love yourself more.... This ex of yours, the most recent one. Forget him. He lived too far away to begin with.... Do you have a therapist? do you have close friends you can talk to?


Thank you. I still think about her all the time.

You are right. I need to value and love myself more. I am actually upset and humiliated at myself for putting up with much of what I did. I have good friends - two in particular - who I can talk to and who are very supportive.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

wantshelp said:


> OMG, so sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine what that is like for you as the mother (or parent). My brother and his wife had a baby born in a similar way. Born very premature with no chance of survival. I think the baby was alive for less than an hour. My brother and sister-in-law held the baby in their hospital room for a long time as they came to terms with the tragedy that had just happened... Life sucks sometimes...


I'm so sorry for your brother and sister in law. I know all too well how devastating it is.

That day was dark. I had called and emailed her dad but he never responded. All I remember is that everything was dark. It's horrible to lose a child.

Ironically, since then he has divorced, and now wants me back. Ha.


----------



## Hope Shimmers

Hope Shimmers said:


> I got him a ring for Christmas, gold with 1ct total weight diamonds. Not because I expected anything back, just because I wanted to. Now I have to take that back to the store. Uggh.


Here's the ring I got him. I love it. Picture does it no justice and makes it look too bling-ey, but it's actually very refined and tasteful in person. Two rows of black diamonds and one row of white.


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## TooNice

Hope Shimmers said:


> Here's the ring I got him. I love it. Picture does it no justice and makes it look too bling-ey, but it's actually very refined and tasteful in person. Two rows of black diamonds and one row of white.


Take it back and buy yourself something nice.


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## FeministInPink

TooNice said:


> Take it back and buy yourself something nice.


YES!!!!!

Treat yo'self. (Prioritize and love you first.)

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

I almost feel like inviting you to Vegas @Hope Shimmers

When I want, I am the biggest **** and wingwoman in the fvcking world.... then again, you are looking for love NOT something transient 

Stay strong woman!


----------



## TooNice

Update... this did not last long, but I've had a bit of a breakthrough as a result. 

The out-of-town guy seemed to try to pick up where we had left off. He was texting me several times a day, and wanting to make plans to come and stay for a few days next month. And he called me "hun" in one of his text messages. It was too much, too soon, considering we haven't seen each other in months. I said we had to go slowly, and this does not fit my definition of slow. 

I realized a few monumental things, however:
I don't want to seek a relationship right now. I want to be selfish and spend my time as my time. Whether I am training for my marathon, going out with my friends, or staying home doing laundry. I do not want to feel like I need to make time for a man.

I like the men who are in my life right now. We can see each other regularly, or maybe go weeks in between. When we are together, there is no pressure, no expectations for the future. Just here and now. And I like that - at least with them. 

So, while I do think he has LTR potential, I broke it off with out-of-town guy. My life is about me and my marathon training, and whatever I choose to fill the rare gaps with... and when i want to fill them. I get to choose, and right now, i choose me. 

I feel a little silly that this is so earth-shattering for me, but I suddenly feel quite empowered.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Update... this did not last long, but I've had a bit of a breakthrough as a result.
> 
> The out-of-town guy seemed to try to pick up where we had left off. He was texting me several times a day, and wanting to make plans to come and stay for a few days next month. And he called me "hun" in one of his text messages. It was too much, too soon, considering we haven't seen each other in months. I said we had to go slowly, and this does not fit my definition of slow.
> 
> I realized a few monumental things, however:
> I don't want to seek a relationship right now. I want to be selfish and spend my time as my time. Whether I am training for my marathon, going out with my friends, or staying home doing laundry. I do not want to feel like I need to make time for a man.
> 
> I like the men who are in my life right now. We can see each other regularly, or maybe go weeks in between. When we are together, there is no pressure, no expectations for the future. Just here and now. And I like that - at least with them.
> 
> So, while I do think he has LTR potential, I broke it off with out-of-town guy. My life is about me and my marathon training, and whatever I choose to fill the rare gaps with... and when i want to fill them. I get to choose, and right now, i choose me.
> 
> I feel a little silly that this is so earth-shattering for me, but I suddenly feel quite empowered.


Bravo!!! Awesome for you 

1. I want to buy a treadmill, I do not have a truck, looking for someone who has a truck! Either a co worker or a neighbor. Someone suggested that I have it delivered to me, BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!! I might be spoiling myself too much.... I am even considering renting a truck, or asking my neighbor. Problem with asking neighbor is that I have never spoken to him... all I know is that he has a truck.

2. Remember the guy friend who came over to see me and we had an awesome time laughing and stuff? Well.... he does not want to have sex with me any longer. On the one hand, I understand I am not everyone's cup of tea so it is normal for some men to reject me... on the other hand... No other man had rejected me for sex . Just my stupid ego. 
I find solace in the fact that when I first mentioned to him that I simply wanted someone to have sex with, he felt hurt and told me he had a lot more to offer me than just sex. He really does not. His only weapon is sex.... seriously.


----------



## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> Bravo!!! Awesome for you
> 
> 
> 
> 1. I want to buy a treadmill, I do not have a truck, looking for someone who has a truck! Either a co worker or a neighbor. Someone suggested that I have it delivered to me, BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!! I might be spoiling myself too much.... I am even considering renting a truck, or asking my neighbor. Problem with asking neighbor is that I have never spoken to him... all I know is that he has a truck.
> 
> 
> 
> 2. Remember the guy friend who came over to see me and we had an awesome time laughing and stuff? Well.... he does not want to have sex with me any longer. On the one hand, I understand I am not everyone's cup of tea so it is normal for some men to reject me... on the other hand... No other man had rejected me for sex . Just my stupid ego.
> 
> I find solace in the fact that when I first mentioned to him that I simply wanted someone to have sex with, he felt hurt and told me he had a lot more to offer me than just sex. He really does not. His only weapon is sex.... seriously.



Thanks, ne! 

1)If you have it delivered, they'll set it up for you. Just sayin'. And good for you! I love having my treadmill! No excuses, especially on days like today (it's 9 degrees!)

2)It is sweet that he wanted more-but I laughed out loud at the end of your post! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Thanks, ne!
> 
> 1)If you have it delivered, they'll set it up for you. Just sayin'. And good for you! I love having my treadmill! No excuses, especially on days like today (it's 9 degrees!)
> 
> 2)It is sweet that he wanted more-but I laughed out loud at the end of your post!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I just bought it. Delivery will be on the 20th. 
I had a treadmill before when I lived in OK. It is about time I get another one......

I know the men I mess around with, especially when no feelings are involved


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## tripad

TooNice said:


> Update... this did not last long, but I've had a bit of a breakthrough as a result.
> 
> The out-of-town guy seemed to try to pick up where we had left off. He was texting me several times a day, and wanting to make plans to come and stay for a few days next month. And he called me "hun" in one of his text messages. It was too much, too soon, considering we haven't seen each other in months. I said we had to go slowly, and this does not fit my definition of slow.
> 
> I realized a few monumental things, however:
> I don't want to seek a relationship right now. I want to be selfish and spend my time as my time. Whether I am training for my marathon, going out with my friends, or staying home doing laundry. I do not want to feel like I need to make time for a man.
> 
> I like the men who are in my life right now. We can see each other regularly, or maybe go weeks in between. When we are together, there is no pressure, no expectations for the future. Just here and now. And I like that - at least with them.
> 
> So, while I do think he has LTR potential, I broke it off with out-of-town guy. My life is about me and my marathon training, and whatever I choose to fill the rare gaps with... and when i want to fill them. I get to choose, and right now, i choose me.
> 
> I feel a little silly that this is so earth-shattering for me, but I suddenly feel quite empowered.


That's what i feel now . Empowered . To do what i want, when i want , how i want , just me n kids . Spend my money the way i want without being manipulated n abused by a husband . To live with no fear of another debt from my husband n his family that wipes out my bank . So liberating n empowering , that i wonder if i will fit a man in again .


----------



## ne9907

I was sick with the flu since Wednesday... however, sex while having the flu is so hot.


----------



## RandomDude

tripad said:


> That's what i feel now . Empowered . To do what i want, when i want , how i want , just me n kids . Spend my money the way i want without being manipulated n abused by a husband . To live with no fear of another debt from my husband n his family that wipes out my bank . So liberating n empowering , that i wonder if i will fit a man in again .


Ah the perks of single life! Enjoy it!

In fact, I'm having to push away cuddlebunny so that I can have my space!!! Thankfully she is very understanding of it - it not, it's bye bye!!! INTJ-A (me) and ISFP (her) apparently which is a good match for space.


----------



## FeministInPink

So, I've never been a big fan of the holidays... and with Christmas falling on a Sunday this year, I'll be spending this weekend with my family (driving to my parents' house on Saturday afternoon, coming back home on Monday evening), and Real Estate will be driving up to Detroit to see his family. This will be the first weekend we haven't spent together in a _very_ long time. I'm not looking forward to it. Making matters worse, I don't know exactly when he's planning on leaving and coming back (he works for himself, so he can go/return pretty much whenever he wants). He was asking me last night when exactly I was leaving and when I was getting back, so I think he's going to try to sync our trips as much as he can. But I really wish we were spending the holidays together. At least I know we will be spending New Year's together, and I know he's going to try to be back earlier because I have the whole week off work.

In other news, I am feathering my nest. I'm kind of excited... you may or may not be aware that I am in a house-share rental sitch with two other people. I love the location, my roommates are cool, and the house is awesome. BUT it's poorly winterized/insulated, and it's OLD. My room is on the first floor, and the basement is unfinished and uninsulated... which means the floorboards in my room are literally the ceiling of the basement, so I'm pretty sure my room is losing a lot of heat (and AC in the summer) via the floorboards. Also, it's been a rental for a VERY long time, and it's a revolving-roommate situation (same lease since 2005, they just add/remove tenants as people move in/out), so there hasn't been a lot of maintenance on the place. So, the finish on the hardwood floor in my room is pretty much shot to sh!t. I'm not getting splinters in my feet, but it's close enough. So, I finally sucked it up and I ordered a big area rug for my bedroom! It took me forever to find one I liked and that went with my bedspread and was in my price range, but I found one and it will be delivered next week! So I have to move my bed and my desk out of the room, and I am taking advantage of the opportunity to force myself to clean and organize better. I decided that it's time I finally start living like an adult, lol 

But I also decided... just because I'm living in a shared house doesn't mean I have to live like I'm in college anymore. I can still have nice things. And I'm really curating the furnishings for my future home. I've been thinking about buying a condo for a little while now, but as a goal, it's really firmed up in my mind. I'm 37 now. So my goal is that I will buy a condo by the time I'm 40 (or before my 41st birthday). And I have enough furnishings, etc, to set myself up comfortably in a studio or a one-bedroom condo. That's the plan.


----------



## ne9907

I am also an INTJ

I hear FiP, I do not wanna go to see my mom for Christmas.
ugh.... 

Normally I spend the night at a friend's place to avoid staying over at my mom's but.... I should just let this friend of mine go. WE use each other for emotional comfort. I stay at his place, we talked A LOT, we sometimes have kinky sex, sometimes not, we cuddle, but I have no intention of ever being in a relationship with him. He also understands that WE simply cannot be in a relationship. 

I really seriously dislike spending time at my mom's.... my brother lives there. Lately, since around July, I have not spent the night or visited longer than a few hours. My brother and mom like to emotionally manipulate people... all I hear now is "what did we do to you?" "Why do you not want to spend time with us?"

It is exhausting..... 

Since last Wednesday, with an overnight intermission on Sunday, my friend has been staying at my place. He is having problems with his roommates. He has been asked to vacate his living accommodations on the 4th. Huge drama... he said, she said cheating scandal between his roommates.

Anyway. I want him gone. Yet, I feel bad because he has been extremely helpful. He was with me last week when I had the flu. I actually got high again, and yes I totally freaked out bad... really bad. Not only was he unfazed but he help calm me down. I gained a lot of insight. 

This time, I was also afraid he would leave me... I was terrified of being alone. Except that he said some things that made perfect sense.... So one minute I was terrified, the next I wasn't. 

He was the true definition of a friend (if that makes sense)..... He is going to be alone for Christmas. I am debating whether I should bring him with me or not.......

I simply do not want people to even think WE are in a relationship. I also told him we are just friends. He is okay with that.


----------



## FeministInPink

ne9907 said:


> I am also an INTJ
> 
> I hear FiP, I do not wanna go to see my mom for Christmas.
> ugh....
> 
> Normally I spend the night at a friend's place to avoid staying over at my mom's but.... I should just let this friend of mine go. WE use each other for emotional comfort. I stay at his place, we talked A LOT, we sometimes have kinky sex, sometimes not, we cuddle, but I have no intention of ever being in a relationship with him. He also understands that WE simply cannot be in a relationship.
> 
> I really seriously dislike spending time at my mom's.... my brother lives there. Lately, since around July, I have not spent the night or visited longer than a few hours. *My brother and mom like to emotionally manipulate people... all I hear now is "what did we do to you?" "Why do you not want to spend time with us?"*
> 
> It is exhausting.....


Oh, I know!!! My mom is always like, "Why don't you visit more often? We miss you. The door is always open, you're always welcome."

And I'm like, WTF, mom? You never had the least bit of interest in me when I was growing up, when I went to college you told me not to call home unless it was an emergency (because it would cost too much money), you never called me once to check on me while I was going through my separation/divorce, you never call me PERIOD unless someone in the family is having a medical emergency (and even then you call me after everything is over and they're home safe), if I ask for your help on anything you say you'll do it and then never follow through. 

Summer 2015, I made it into the semi-finals for a regional karaoke contest. It was actually a pretty BFD, and really important to me. My dad wanted to come see me compete, and it was close enough that they could have made a day trip. My mom says, "But that's the Spaghetti Dinner at church! We can't miss that." Yes, god forbid you miss a stupid dinner that happens twice a year at your church, it isn't like you haven't already been to like a hundred of the same dinner, so that you could do something to show your daughter that you love and support her.

If you actually wanted a relationship with me, you should have started making an effort when I was a kid. And now you try to guilt me into coming home to visit more often because NOW you want a relationship? FU, Mom, I don't need your particular brand of bullsh!t in my life.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

FIP, good for you for realizing the manipulation and not falling for it.


----------



## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> FIP, good for you for realizing the manipulation and not falling for it.


Oh, she even tried to get my sister into the act. (My sis lives near home, and has always been mom's favorite.) I don't remember what sis and I were talking about, but sis says, "FiP, can't you open your heart up to her? She wishes you would visit more. You don't need to shut her out." 

To that, I responded, "Sis, I appreciate where your heart is, but there is so much more to this than you will ever know, and it's none of your business. I love you, but please stay out of it."


----------



## vi_bride04

Doesn't it feel great to stand up for yourself!?? Especially to family members who are toxic.

I'm having a semi rough time right now. I keep letting myself get dragged into cocaine Fwb hovering techniques. I know better, my inner self is telling me to get and stay the f*ck away... So much anxiety around him yet I can't seem to get away. We work together so that I think is the difficult part. I can't completely cut ties like I normally do when I'm done with someone.... Have to keep a cordial work environment...I really don't want to deal with the "why aren't you and cocaine friends anymore?" "Why don't you talk to each other anymore?" "Why don't you go to lunch together anymore?" Ugh. I've worked so hard to not care what people think..... So this is very difficult for me. I hate being fake. Would love to be friends with him but he is an addict and possibly a sociopath....I thought just narcissistic.... But the complete lack of empathy and compassion make me think otherwise....

Anyways....I was down for a bit... Then realized he's an addict and it really doesn't matter how awesome I am... The drugs will always be better. Was avoiding him at work... Caused alot of stress and anxiety...

Trying to center myself, not let him affect me... It's hard. Been exercising more and reconnecting with friends ... It's been helping but I still feel weak and miss his sober company.

Or do I? As I look back I am not sure if he ever respected me or actually enjoyed hanging out with me....? 

*Sigh* been OLD over a year... Trying to find other c0ck.. No luck cuz I'm being picky.... I've done the casual hookups enough that I'm done with them. 

Focusing on my summer adventures... Just bought another kayak that should fit my dog. I pick it up Saturday. Another reason I'm trying to work out regularly so when March comes I can hopefully get on the water. 

Really really really really trying not to engage or focus on the Fwb and focus on me and my dog but i slip. This week is one of those weeks. 

Anyone have any advice? Probably stop having sex would be#1.................

I know it's bad for me, I've just always been a sucker for a nice ****.....lol



Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


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## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> Doesn't it feel great to stand up for yourself!?? Especially to family members who are toxic.
> 
> I'm having a semi rough time right now. I keep letting myself get dragged into cocaine Fwb hovering techniques. I know better, my inner self is telling me to get and stay the f*ck away... So much anxiety around him yet I can't seem to get away. We work together so that I think is the difficult part. I can't completely cut ties like I normally do when I'm done with someone.... Have to keep a cordial work environment...I really don't want to deal with the "why aren't you and cocaine friends anymore?" "Why don't you talk to each other anymore?" "Why don't you go to lunch together anymore?" Ugh. I've worked so hard to not care what people think..... So this is very difficult for me. I hate being fake. Would love to be friends with him but he is an addict and possibly a sociopath....I thought just narcissistic.... But the complete lack of empathy and compassion make me think otherwise....
> 
> Anyways....I was down for a bit... Then realized he's an addict and it really doesn't matter how awesome I am... The drugs will always be better. Was avoiding him at work... Caused alot of stress and anxiety...
> 
> Trying to center myself, not let him affect me... It's hard. Been exercising more and reconnecting with friends ... It's been helping but I still feel weak and miss his sober company.
> 
> Or do I? As I look back I am not sure if he ever respected me or actually enjoyed hanging out with me....?
> 
> *Sigh* been OLD over a year... Trying to find other c0ck.. No luck cuz I'm being picky.... I've done the casual hookups enough that I'm done with them.
> 
> Focusing on my summer adventures... Just bought another kayak that should fit my dog. I pick it up Saturday. Another reason I'm trying to work out regularly so when March comes I can hopefully get on the water.
> 
> Really really really really trying not to engage or focus on the Fwb and focus on me and my dog but i slip. This week is one of those weeks.
> 
> Anyone have any advice? Probably stop having sex would be#1.................
> 
> I know it's bad for me, I've just always been a sucker for a nice ****.....lol
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk



Does he do cocaine????

I was told by a good friend of mine "If you cant fvck someone without getting emotionally involved, do not fvck him"

I have learned to leave guys after a month or two or sexual relations. I know myself and would probably end up having feelings for them. I also recognize their humanity and how their lifestyles would affect my life. I move on because I am putting myself first. I do not want to be in a relationship (personal choice). 

Let me give you an example:
1. Last week I was sick. I had a **** buddy for about a month. He wanted me to go over his place, I said I was sick. I also told him to bring me soup.
He said "um no, I do not want to be anywhere near the flu"

His response was correct given that we were simply fvck buddies. However, he texted again on Monday asking how I was. I did not reply. He sent a couple more saying he would have brought me soup. I did not reply.

I saw this guy, he hurt my feelings, I chose to move on. I will not (even) have sex with a person who is not compassionate. 

Find out what ticks you off about your fwb.... explore his life. Do not wear the love goggles. 
That's my advice...


----------



## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, she even tried to get my sister into the act. (My sis lives near home, and has always been mom's favorite.) I don't remember what sis and I were talking about, but sis says, "FiP, can't you open your heart up to her? She wishes you would visit more. You don't need to shut her out."
> 
> To that, I responded, "Sis, I appreciate where your heart is, but there is so much more to this than you will ever know, and it's none of your business. I love you, but please stay out of it."


We reap what we sow in relationships, and I am often baffled by other parent/child relationships. I am not a perfect parent by any means, nor would I want to be. But my son knows I love him and I am truly there for him. No matter what. As he is becoming an adult, my primary goal is to continue to build a relationship with him that results in him WANTING to spend time with me. I want him to want to visit me when he lives away from me. I want him to want his friends and girlfriends to meet me. 

It's hard for me to understand parents who don't seem to get that. And it makes me sad.


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## TooNice

<begin rant>
Why on earth is it so hard to end a brief dating relationship with honesty? 

"I'm sorry... it's been nice to spend time with you, but after a few dates, you're not quite what I'm looking for. I think you're a great person, and wish you the best." That doesn't sound at all offensive to me... it just sounds like we weren't compatible.

Instead, men (and maybe woman do this, too...) embellish the truth or lie to make you think there may still be something. Why?? Just make a clean break and dispense with the bull****. I have far more respect for a man who does that. 

Was told by someone I was sort of seeing that he needs to step back and refocus his efforts on his kids and his job for a bit. Specifically said that it's not because of a lack of interest - he very much hoped that we can see each other again when things settle down. All the while, I had prepped for this conversation, thinking he was going to break things off, and I was okay with it.

Then today, I got a text intended for another woman; letting her know he was free to get together tonight. Really? 

I would have actually called this guy classy-the way he treated me when we were together, our conversations... I would have credited him with being the guy who would be honest and up front. 

My picker is so, so broken. I give up.


----------



## ne9907

TooNice said:


> <begin rant>
> Why on earth is it so hard to end a brief dating relationship with honesty?
> 
> "I'm sorry... it's been nice to spend time with you, but after a few dates, you're not quite what I'm looking for. I think you're a great person, and wish you the best." That doesn't sound at all offensive to me... it just sounds like we weren't compatible.
> 
> Instead, men (and maybe woman do this, too...) embellish the truth or lie to make you think there may still be something. Why?? Just make a clean break and dispense with the bull****. I have far more respect for a man who does that.
> 
> Was told by someone I was sort of seeing that he needs to step back and refocus his efforts on his kids and his job for a bit. Specifically said that it's not because of a lack of interest - he very much hoped that we can see each other again when things settle down. All the while, I had prepped for this conversation, thinking he was going to break things off, and I was okay with it.
> 
> Then today, I got a text intended for another woman; letting her know he was free to get together tonight. Really?
> 
> I would have actually called this guy classy-the way he treated me when we were together, our conversations... I would have credited him with being the guy who would be honest and up front.
> 
> My picker is so, so broken. I give up.



aw I am sorry....

Yes, some people are ****ty. I will be the first one to say I am bitter, yet I have hope. Hope that one day I will be happy with myself, with or without a partner. I am actually content.

As for people who lie, they normally do it so they can put you on a back burner. If things do not work out with the new woman, they will simply come back to you. I am not into that either. I have learned to never give a second chance when asked. Things did not work out the first time around... why try again? I believe in the Universe and whatever will happen is meant to be.
Obviously, if I am dating a guy and he isn't into me, it is the end. I want the person to be into me. 

Yeah, I sleep around a lot, and have given my heart away too liberally in the past but I always know when to talk away even if my heart is broken.

This year I have grown tremendously as a person. My hope is that next year I continue to grow and become a better version of me. Oh, and to fully love myself~


----------



## *Deidre*

TooNice - You got a text intended for another woman?  Ugh...be thankful it's over with that guy! I dated a guy who would send texts to me, and then I'd answer, and he'd claim they were for other women, but I think he was doing it on purpose to get a reaction. And he did get a reaction. I blocked his phone number...forevah 

Block that guy's number. I understand though, why can't people just be honest?


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## TooNice

Thanks, guys. I shouldn't be so sad about it, but I am. I'm not sad that it's over with him. I was ready for that. 

I'm sad that he couldn't respect me enough to just give me a clean break. I thought he was a good one. One of the best I've gone out with. So I'm sad that he's a jerk. And I'm sad that I gave him more credit than he deserves. 

I have hope too, ne. But I'm afraid it's fading. Even after my marathon is over, I'm just not sure how many more times I can do this.


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## *Deidre*

TooNice said:


> Thanks, guys. I shouldn't be so sad about it, but I am. I'm not sad that it's over with him. I was ready for that.
> 
> I'm sad that he couldn't respect me enough to just give me a clean break. I thought he was a good one. One of the best I've gone out with. So I'm sad that he's a jerk. And I'm sad that I gave him more credit than he deserves.
> 
> I have hope too, ne. But I'm afraid it's fading. Even after my marathon is over, I'm just not sure how many more times I can do this.


He's definitely a jerk in that he said he hopes to maybe see you again after ''things settle down.'' I guess that means after he sees if the new chick works out or not lol I know you're sad about it, and I've been sad over jerks before, because they do a good job of coming off as nice guys. That's the thing, I think. 

Seriously though, block his number. He will totally be contacting you again if things don't work out, and you deserve better. When you least expect it, a really awesome (and hot) guy appears. lol I hope you have a good holiday


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## ne9907

TooNice said:


> Thanks, guys. I shouldn't be so sad about it, but I am. I'm not sad that it's over with him. I was ready for that.
> 
> I'm sad that he couldn't respect me enough to just give me a clean break. I thought he was a good one. One of the best I've gone out with. So I'm sad that he's a jerk. And I'm sad that I gave him more credit than he deserves.
> 
> I have hope too, ne. But I'm afraid it's fading. Even after my marathon is over, I'm just not sure how many more times I can do this.


You are sad because your ego got bruised. It is okay. It is normal. You will be fine.

Do not view this experience as "he didn't respect you" because clearly, he did not respect himself to be honest. I like to live by one mantra
"Do not take anything personally"

Difficult to achieve, I have been working on that mantra FOREVER!!!

Yesterday, my casual friend out of town (where my mom lives) told me I will not longer be welcome at his place to spend the night. He actually said
"I really think we should probably not do that anymore" When I asked if I could crash at his place this weekend (I cannot stay at my mom's for Christmas!!!)

My ego got bruised. I was hurt. However, I do not want him for a serious relationship, so I will comply. I think he is ready to date again, and that is okay with him. I wish him luck. If he changes his mind, I will probably spend the night with him again, he is my comfort zone. 

Anyway.... people often hide things because it serves their purposes. Has nothing to do with you.


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## Bananapeel

TooNice said:


> Thanks, guys. I shouldn't be so sad about it, but I am. I'm not sad that it's over with him. I was ready for that.
> 
> I'm sad that he couldn't respect me enough to just give me a clean break. I thought he was a good one. One of the best I've gone out with. So I'm sad that he's a jerk. And I'm sad that I gave him more credit than he deserves.
> 
> I have hope too, ne. But I'm afraid it's fading. Even after my marathon is over, I'm just not sure how many more times I can do this.


TN, from a guy's perspective there is really no good way to break up with someone. No matter what you do there are going to be hurt feelings if the other person really likes you. I'm not condoning his behavior because it was cowardly and immature, but hope you can understand that if you really liked him that anyway he tried to end things with you would have been unpleasant. I'm saying this from experience. The last girl I broke up with was quite mad that I drove to her place, sat her down, and ended the relationship. She couldn't understand why I chose to do it face to face, and would have preferred a less direct manner. It was really a catch-22. Try not to take it personally, especially with it being a brief relationship.


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## FeministInPink

@TooNice A lot of men can't stand the idea of someone thinking they're a "bad guy." So they try to be a "nice guy" by ending things with some bullsh!t lies, like the ones you received, so they don't have to feel bad about hurting a woman's feelings. They're taught to "let her down easy" but their understanding and execution of that is off the mark. It is possible to be honest AND kind when ending it with someone, but there are a lot of people who don't have the emotional maturity or integrity to do this.

This guy is a loser, and you are better off without him. Block him on your phone. You're no one's second choice.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> you never called me once to check on me while I was going through my separation/divorce,
> 
> yeah , my mum didnt bother to ask if I wanted to kill myself or perhaps I may want to jump off the roof during my divorce either , or if I needed money after what my ex and ex inlaws did , or if I need help with my young kids since I have to pick up my jobs and increase my business .
> 
> Once , my new domestic helper was a nut case and left my kids in school after dismissal and I begged my mum to help pick up my kids and she flatly refused . I was at work and couldn't leave so I had to pray that my son would stay at the premise without leaving and gave him instructions to get biscuits from the counter girls if he was hungry , until I could get to him . WOW !
> 
> you never call me PERIOD unless someone in the family is having a medical emergency ,
> 
> yup , she calls only for money , either making up pitiful story , or to claim somehow I owe her for whatever reasons . If I dont give the money , I get called all sorts of names , or I get threats that she will cut off ties with me , or she will send my siblings to harass or beat me .
> 
> She will call and sweet talk me when she needs my help , and bad mouth the other siblings , the very same ones who are on her team in gossiping and wanting to beat me up .
> 
> if I ask for your help on anything you say you'll do it and then never follow through.
> 
> My mom says, "But that's the Spaghetti Dinner at church! We can't miss that." Yes, god forbid you miss a stupid dinner that happens twice a year at your church, it isn't like you haven't already been to like a hundred of the same dinner, so that you could do something to show your daughter that you love and support her.
> 
> If you actually wanted a relationship with me, you should have started making an effort when I was a kid. And now you try to guilt me into coming home to visit more often because NOW you want a relationship? FU, Mom, I don't need your particular brand of bullsh!t in my life.


Yes . No matter how bad she was , I had tried to forgive and honour her , buying her meals , giving her allowance and taking her for holiday ( although much dreaded by me ) and I am the only child out of 6 who gives her allowance and takes her for holidays . Yet , she bad mouth me that my money is not enough or my holiday with her was crap , or my holiday planning was dumb . You get the idea .

Somehow , my love for her died just like that , when she didnt bother to check if I am still alive during my divorce . In fact , she harass me for money even more aggressively ! She put up a drama , rolling on the floor and wailing that I didnt give her money , all for my siblings to witness . It didnt work on me and she asked them to beat me up and her wails stopped right away . It really hurts me to know my mum did that , and while I am going through a painful divorce , with my ex and his entire family against me . It was a time when I felt I am all alone in this world with two young children . Those times , i was crying alone in the bathroom so my kids wont hear and I spent sleepless night , silently crying , pondering how to increase my jobs and money , to recoup my losses . Thanks , mum . This time round , I know where to spent my money and to make happy - myself !

Knowing her , she probably thinks that if my ex gets my money , she wants her share of my money bcoz she deserves it more , doesnt matter if I really feel like dying right then . A real mum would have offered me a helping hand or comforting words at the very least . Later , she became a stranger to me when I begged her to get my 7 year old from school and she refused and left me crying on the phone . 

So , the last I hear from her was about wanting my money and told me she will never see me again as I am a crappy daughter , it doesnt hurt anymore , I didnt explain , justify or argue . I just told her fine , whatever , that's best for me , it's my money you want anyway . I just hung up . The end .

And the months went by , I never call or thought about her , I didnt even feel sad . Maybe , sometimes , not for her , but for myself . Then , she called . I didnt even pick up the call as I didnt want to spoil my day . Later , my brother , the one closer to me , told me she bought fruits and wanted to make up . I didnt bother either . It is her push and pull game . i am really tired . Really tired of games .


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## tripad

TooNice said:


> <begin rant>
> Why on earth is it so hard to end a brief dating relationship with honesty?
> 
> "I'm sorry... it's been nice to spend time with you, but after a few dates, you're not quite what I'm looking for. I think you're a great person, and wish you the best." That doesn't sound at all offensive to me... it just sounds like we weren't compatible.
> 
> Instead, men (and maybe woman do this, too...) embellish the truth or lie to make you think there may still be something. Why?? Just make a clean break and dispense with the bull****. I have far more respect for a man who does that.
> 
> Was told by someone I was sort of seeing that he needs to step back and refocus his efforts on his kids and his job for a bit. Specifically said that it's not because of a lack of interest - he very much hoped that we can see each other again when things settle down. All the while, I had prepped for this conversation, thinking he was going to break things off, and I was okay with it.
> 
> Then today, I got a text intended for another woman; letting her know he was free to get together tonight. Really?
> 
> I would have actually called this guy classy-the way he treated me when we were together, our conversations... I would have credited him with being the guy who would be honest and up front.
> 
> My picker is so, so broken. I give up.


on the bright side , at least he doesnt have a chance of coming back to you as a second choice , now that you know .


----------



## tripad

RandomDude said:


> Ah the perks of single life! Enjoy it!
> 
> In fact, I'm having to push away cuddlebunny so that I can have my space!!! Thankfully she is very understanding of it - it not, it's bye bye!!! INTJ-A (me) and ISFP (her) apparently which is a good match for space.


What a pity .

Was hoping it works out for you since she's a what ? 9/10 ?

must check out the INTJ and ISFP ? What am I , I wonder ?

The only thing now I am pondering about is this . I tend to be very opinionated and vocal and brutally truthful . So this Christmas , I have been thinking , I must tell myself to shut the F up and dont give your opinion even if someone asks because no one really wants to hear anyway









Should I just give the politically correct comments and all the sitting on the fence type of opinions ? 

When I was younger , my gf told me to shut up and play dumb , act air head and smile and giggle . Hmmmmmmmm .









What do you all think ?


----------



## FeministInPink

@tripad Just Google MBTI test and you'll be able to find what personality type you are.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## tripad

FeministInPink said:


> @tripad Just Google MBTI test and you'll be able to find what personality type you are.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Entp-A


----------



## tripad

tripad said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> @tripad Just Google MBTI test and you'll be able to find what personality type you are.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
> 
> 
> 
> Entp-A
Click to expand...

That explains what i wrote earlier that maybe i need to shut up about my opnions n thoughts


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## RandomDude

Cant say it doesn't work, cause my mystery game works wonders...


----------



## tripad

????

what doesnt work ?


----------



## RandomDude

I'm saying your idea of shutting up about your thoughts and opinions, it's not exactly a bad thing, as it adds mystery.

Not necessarily being dishonest/acting stupid/bimboish bc that's just bleh, but keeping your thoughts to yourself until someone has earned the right to hear it, works wonders.


----------



## tripad

Ya 

I am telling myself to shut up n i know i will appear cold n aloof . 

Talk n i am too opinionated . 

I dont normally talk too much , dont get me wrong . Just that when i do , the contents may be heavy or too much . 

Wtf

Anyway being airhead was a gf's idea . I definitely won't pass for that unless i am drunk


----------



## tripad

Anyway 

I dont control how others think .

As long as i don't get my income from them , people can think whatever they want . I am busy enough pleasing people who are paying into my bank account .


----------



## Hope Shimmers

I'm sorry for those of you who had the misfortune to have to deal with difficult family.

We can pick our friends but not our family. They are wished upon us.

I am so lucky. I am so blessed! I have had the best holiday with my mom and sister and brother and nieces and nephews. We all stay in my mom's house and play games and laugh and have a blast.

Several of you told me to take my ex-boyfriend's ring back and get something for myself. Well I did that. And the Gods have told me that getting him anything was a mistake for sure. My mom and I spent the day going to antique stores and consigment shops (I LOVE antiques!) and I bought a beautiful solid cherry antique HUGE grandfather clock with the most beautiful chimes... for $160!!!! Long story, but the consigner had to move his big pieces by the end of the day so he absolutely slashed the prices. This clock is worth over $2000 easily.

I collect clocks. (No, my ex never knew that). I love antiques (No, my ex never knew that). 

What I am most thankful about for 2017 is that I FINALLY GET IT!!! I have wasted 1.5 years on a man who never cared about me, who blamed everything on me. I was so tired of trying to make it work. I asked him, very recently, if he would see me for half an hour in a public place if I flew there at my time and my dime. No, he could not do that. Yet, he can sit around and wait for his ex-fiance to decide when she wants to see him. F*ck that.

I thank my lucky stars that I am over that crap, that I will go find the better that I deserve, and that I will not waste another day doing the same insanity that I have done. I also thank HIM for being a prick such that it ended any feelings I ever had for him.

Onward forward!!!! 

Tonight I went to a pre-NYE party with a bunch of my high school friends (here in my hometown - some of them still live here, most came in for the holidays). Because why not have a pre-NYE party? It was fun.  Reminiscing about old times. 

Tomorrow will be the big NYE party and I can't wait. And yes there will be a man there who has been "in love with me from afar" for the last 20+ years. Tonight was the first time I've seen him since then. Who knows. 

I hope others are happy and grateful too. It's a new year!


----------



## Hope Shimmers

Here is my $160, solid cherry, HUGE antique beautiful grandfather clock!

The pendulum and weights and chimes are wrapped so that I can transport it tomorrow.


----------



## tripad

My my ! What a beautiful clock !!!

In my city , 160 cant even get a G shock watch !!!!


----------



## Hope Shimmers

Thanks tripad, usually not here either. Now I just have to get the thing here (about 20 miles). I have engaged a couple of capable volunteers though, so I don't think I will have to lift a finger 0



tripad said:


> That explains what i wrote earlier that maybe i need to shut up about my opnions n thoughts


Never do that. Especially not for a SO. Take it from me. If they can't deal with your opinions and thoughts, that's too damn bad and it's on them.


----------



## ne9907

@Hope Shimmers

I love it! 

I have been spending a lot of time with my friend. Most times we just sit around and watch TV, yet he is so comforting and feels right. I am back at work . We have been together since Thursday evening, miss him this morning.

It is a strange feeling. We are not together. We are friends, we have fun, are goofy together, sex is almost tantric, spiritual, joyful, we have felt each other's heartbeats.... On NYE, we snuck into a bird's sanctuary after hours. It must have been like 9pm
We heard the birds singing (soooo loud), saw the stars (so bright), and held each other close (so warm)

almost feels like dancing with a free spirit. I am one and so is he.


----------



## RandomDude

Me and cuddlebunny are fighting!










Well... sorta, more like I hate how she says "I'll support you with whatever decision you make" cause I can't believe it and when I can't believe it I feel like she's trying to lie to me. Bah!


----------



## bkyln309

Well the Older Man and I are finally talking break up. We actually did break up but he came back and said lets talk next weekend when the kids are gone. I decided to give him that but honestly I dont think its going to help much. I love him but no matter what he says I doubt he really loves me.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Well the Older Man and I are finally talking break up. We actually did break up but he came back and said lets talk next weekend when the kids are gone. I decided to give him that but honestly I dont think its going to help much. I love him but no matter what he says I doubt he really loves me.


I think you can find better--a man who will meet your needs. And you deserve a man who actually LOVE you.


----------



## Haiku

I've been divorced > 2 years now. I don't feel married and I don't feel single. Ha ha. It's an odd feeling.


----------



## FeministInPink

Haiku said:


> I've been divorced > 2 years now. I don't feel married and I don't feel single. Ha ha. It's an odd feeling.


When you marry, "spouse" becomes part of your identity, and it becomes internalized. It can take a long time to shed that part of your identity.

I've been divorced for over 3 yrs now... I've never really reverted to feeling "single." Instead, I feel divorced. I don't know that I'll ever feel single again. (I'm in a relationship now, which seems to be working for me, so I'm not really single now, anyway... we shall see what happens.)


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> When you marry, "spouse" becomes part of your identity, and it becomes internalized. It can take a long time to shed that part of your identity.
> 
> I've been divorced for over 3 yrs now... I've never really reverted to feeling "single." Instead, I feel divorced. I don't know that I'll ever feel single again. (I'm in a relationship now, which seems to be working for me, so I'm not really single now, anyway... we shall see what happens.)


How is Real Estate?


----------



## Herschel

Haiku said:


> I've been divorced > 2 years now. I don't feel married and I don't feel single. Ha ha. It's an odd feeling.


I was at the Urgent Care and she asked me if I was married, single, divorced, separated or widowed. I said, all of the above? Except widowed...yet.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> How is Real Estate?


He's good; we're good. We are moving forward, albeit at a snail's pace 

A few signs of progress:

-- He's beginning to talk about the future. He now talks about when we go to camp together next summer, and the like. Previously, he always preceded things with, "if we're still together," but he's dropped that pretense over the last month or so. But more importantly, he's thinking about the future _for himself_ and talking about what he wants to do, and making some goals for his future, where none really existed before. He wants to buy a few more rental properties and is looking into what it takes to open his own brokerage. This is a big deal... he's kind of been spinning his wheels in the same place for the last 5 years, because the future never really mattered, because he didn't really have anything to look forward to. He just saw an endless string of days, all of them exactly the same as the one before. I think I'm changing that for him. He sees that I am a person with forward momentum, and that if he doesn't step up his game in this respect, I may well leave him behind. No that I need him to change--I adore him as he is, and I have no desire to change him. But if he wants to make changes and improve himself and his outlook on life, I will be wholly supportive.

-- He is (finally) letting me leave stuff at his place. Not a lot, not like I have a drawer. But I told him yesterday when I was packing up to leave, "I'm leaving some of my toiletries in the bathroom, since I'll be back on Thursday night." And he was totally ok with it, when previously, he would have said, no, you can't leave anything here. I have my drink mix in the kitchen cabinets, my new Lego set upstairs, and a few other things here and there. This is a big thing for him... for the longest time, if I left even as much as a hair clip or a rubber band, it would be returned to me the next time he saw me. This is good because he's seeing me as a more permanent presence in his life.

-- I have finally, after almost 10 months, met one of his friends!!!! This is HUGE. Like, a BFD. He likes to compartmentalize his life in a way, so the different circles of people in his life don't really cross over in any meaningful way, and he is rather private--he doesn't go out and socialize a lot. So I've never met any of his friends, except for the mutual friend who introduced us, even though he's met a ton of my friends, and they all love him. Real Estate doesn't have a large collection of friends, and most of them live far away. This friend, in particular, lives in Kenya currently, so we will call him The Kenyan. I have known about The Kenyan for a long time, and The Kenyan has been in town 3 times since I've started seeing Real Estate, but I had never met him--he leases a condo in the same building where Real Estate owns a few units, which is how they met, and Real Estate is watching The Kenyan's condo, taking care of his mail, etc. They're been friends for a long time. The Kenyan is getting married at the end of February, and Real Estate is going to Kenya for the wedding. So, two weekends ago, I find out that The Kenyan is in town just for a few days--he had to go to Atlanta for some business with his non-profit, and he decided to come up here and take care of some stuff here as well--and Real Estate was meeting him on Saturday morning for breakfast, which they always do when The Kenyan is in town. I assumed that I would be left home to my own devices while they had breakfast, as has been the case in the past, but Real Estate decided that I was coming along to meet The Kenyan. Funny enough, he didn't tell The Kenyan that he was bringing me! But The Kenyan was delighted to meet me, and he was lovely. Since then, Real Estate has even let me chat with The Kenyan a little bit via text, when The Kenyan texted Real Estate about some stuff this past weekend. The Kenyan is disappointed that I can't come to the wedding, but I expect that I'll see much more of him and his bride when they come back to the US next summer. But the reason this is a BFD is that he wouldn't introduce me to any of his friends unless he was feeling sure that this was going to last into the foreseeable future. I'm also fairly certain that he has (in the past) repeatedly told all his friends and family that he never wanted to be in a relationship ever again, so it also requires a certain amount of pride swallowing on his part, and he is a very stubborn man, so I'm sure that part was tough for him as well.

-- It seems like he's trying to tell me he loves me without having to actually say the words themselves. He's been singing me silly love songs, and a few weeks ago he told me I was his favorite person, aside from his dog. He's just not ready yet, but I'm not worried about it. To actually say it would be to make himself vulnerable, and he's not ready to put himself in that position yet, and I can understand that. I will be patient, because I know that he loves me, and he shows me that in every way that he can, which is more than any other person has ever done for me, and I'm incredibly happy with that. I would rather have the actions than the words.

-- He seems to be warming up to the boyfriend/girlfriend label. I backed off of this starting back in October, after we had our last big fight about "what is this?" I decided to just enjoy what we had, and not worry about labels, because my relationship with him (without labels) has been better and healthier than any relationship I've had _with _labels. I would rather have the healthy, loving relationship without the labels, than give that up to try to find someone who will be on board with the labels, but not give me everything that Real Estate does. And then he doesn't feel pressure from me to move this at a faster speed than he's ready for. He has been very responsive to my needs; if he needs this to move slow, then I wants to be responsive to his needs as well.

So, that's where things are. I feel like we're in a really good place, and I'm happy that we aren't rushing things. I'm happy that I am able to have someone special in my life without feeling like I'm going to have to give up my independence to be with him, which is something that I've been worried about, getting seriously involved with another person. I'm quite happy with the way things are right now.


----------



## Haiku

FeministInPink said:


> When you marry, "spouse" becomes part of your identity, and it becomes internalized. It can take a long time to shed that part of your identity.
> 
> I've been divorced for over 3 yrs now... I've never really reverted to feeling "single." Instead, I feel divorced. I don't know that I'll ever feel single again. (I'm in a relationship now, which seems to be working for me, so I'm not really single now, anyway... we shall see what happens.)


Yes, that makes sense. Thanks.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

FeministInPink said:


> I have my drink mix in the kitchen cabinets, my new Lego set upstairs, and a few other things here and there.


You know it's serious when the Lego can stay over!


----------



## FeministInPink

Hopeful Cynic said:


> You know it's serious when the Lego can stay over!


Ha ha ha!!!! We were talking about Legos the night he got home from seeing his family for Christmas. I was saying how much I enjoyed them as a kid, but I never had any of my own, because no one ever bought me any. My sister, on the other hand, received several kits, which I always ended up assembling for her. So we decided to go to Target (the only store that was open that late at night), but they were picked over because it was two days after Christmas. We bought a Star Wars kit that came with a Rebel fighter jet and a Federation one, so we could each build one. We had so much fun that two days later, we went to the Lego store at the mall. I bought a huge Ninjago set, which we built first, and he got the Death Star, which was a BEAR to build.

The Death Star took so long to put together (like 3 or 4 days with us working on it together) that he doesn't want to disassemble it. He seems to think it will survive a 12-hour car ride, which it will take to give it to his nephew.

I, on the other hand, methodically and carefully disassembled my entire set over the last two days, storing the pieces in numbered bags that correspond with the originals so I can rebuild it later. So the Lego kit is still at his house, but I will be bringing it home, eventually.


----------



## Satya

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha!!!! We were talking about Legos the night he got home from seeing his family for Christmas. I was saying how much I enjoyed them as a kid, but I never had any of my own, because no one ever bought me any. My sister, on the other hand, received several kits, which I always ended up assembling for her. So we decided to go to Target (the only store that was open that late at night), but they were picked over because it was two days after Christmas. We bought a Star Wars kit that came with a Rebel fighter jet and a Federation one, so we could each build one. We had so much fun that two days later, we went to the Lego store at the mall. I bought a huge Ninjago set, which we built first, and he got the Death Star, which was a BEAR to build.
> 
> The Death Star took so long to put together (like 3 or 4 days with us working on it together) that he doesn't want to disassemble it. He seems to think it will survive a 12-hour car ride, which it will take to give it to his nephew.
> 
> I, on the other hand, methodically and carefully disassembled my entire set over the last two days, storing the pieces in numbered bags that correspond with the originals so I can rebuild it later. So the Lego kit is still at his house, but I will be bringing it home, eventually.


I love creative, couple projects that channel our childhood. 

Odo and I work on 1,000+ piece puzzles (no picture guide) and 3-d puzzles. We spread them on our kitchen island and do a bit together every night. 

Great to hear about the Lego adventures! I think I need to go to the Lego store soon.


----------



## FeministInPink

Satya said:


> I love creative, couple projects that channel our childhood.
> 
> Odo and I work on 1,000+ piece puzzles (no picture guide) and 3-d puzzles. We spread them on our kitchen island and do a bit together every night.
> 
> Great to hear about the Lego adventures! I think I need to go to the Lego store soon.


I agree about the creative, couple project thing... it really was just a spur of the moment idea that ended up being a total blast.

Real Estate likes jigsaw puzzles, but currently doesn't have a table big enough for the project. I've lent him my big folding table, which is the right size, but he doesn't really have the space for it. I don't have the patience for jigsaw puzzles, but I think 3-D puzzles might be fun.

The Lego store is NEAT. I want to go back and get the Ghostbusters car kit. I really wanted a pirate ship, but all those kits have been discontinued.

How is Odo? I miss his posts.


----------



## FeministInPink

Haiku said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> 
> When you marry, "spouse" becomes part of your identity, and it becomes internalized. It can take a long time to shed that part of your identity.
> 
> I've been divorced for over 3 yrs now... I've never really reverted to feeling "single." Instead, I feel divorced. I don't know that I'll ever feel single again. (I'm in a relationship now, which seems to be working for me, so I'm not really single now, anyway... we shall see what happens.)
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, that makes sense. Thanks.
Click to expand...

It's kind of like... once you lose your virginity, you can never go back to being a virgin ever again. Even if you have a long spell of celibacy, and the first time after that break feels amazing and new, despite what Madonna may say, you never completely feel like a virgin ever again.

But I will say this: I don't think I would go back, if I could. I prefer being Divorced FiP over Never Married Single FiP. Divorced FiP is stronger and wiser, more confident and self-assured, more independent and self-reliant, and emotionally healthier than Never Married Single FiP ever was or ever could have been. And I had to go through all that hard stuff to gain all of that.


----------



## Satya

FeministInPink said:


> How is Odo? I miss his posts.


Thanks for asking! He lurks over my shoulder sometimes. We often discuss interesting posts. Now he enjoys plaguing people on wood stove, tractor, Harley Davidson, and Donald Trump forums when he's got the chance! Hasn't managed to get himself banned on those... Yet!


----------



## FeministInPink

Satya said:


> Thanks for asking! He lurks over my shoulder sometimes. We often discuss interesting posts. Now he enjoys plaguing people on wood stove, tractor, Harley Davidson, and Donald Trump forums when he's got the chance! Hasn't managed to get himself banned on those... Yet!


Ha ha! I didn't realize he had been banned. I thought it was a self-imposed exile. Tell him I said hello!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Haiku

@FeministInPink - wise words. Thanks, really!


----------



## FeministInPink

The one thing that I do regret, or perhaps more aptly, what I don't like about myself post-divorce, is that I feel like I have ADHD now. I may have had it before, undiagnosed, and I just feel it more acutely now because I'm a little more self-aware (when I think back to my childhood, I think there were signs, but ADHD manifests differently in girls than it does in boys), but it may also be due to the emotional trauma of the divorce. I've read that the emotional trauma of divorce can have long-term effects on the wiring in your brain, and what I'm experiencing seems to be pretty much in tune with what I've read.


----------



## Herschel

After 1 divorce and 1 separation...I feel a little too single.


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> He's good; we're good. We are moving forward, albeit at a snail's pace
> 
> A few signs of progress:
> 
> -- He's beginning to talk about the future. He now talks about when we go to camp together next summer, and the like. Previously, he always preceded things with, "if we're still together," but he's dropped that pretense over the last month or so. But more importantly, he's thinking about the future _for himself_ and talking about what he wants to do, and making some goals for his future, where none really existed before. He wants to buy a few more rental properties and is looking into what it takes to open his own brokerage. This is a big deal... he's kind of been spinning his wheels in the same place for the last 5 years, because the future never really mattered, because he didn't really have anything to look forward to. He just saw an endless string of days, all of them exactly the same as the one before. I think I'm changing that for him. He sees that I am a person with forward momentum, and that if he doesn't step up his game in this respect, I may well leave him behind. No that I need him to change--I adore him as he is, and I have no desire to change him. But if he wants to make changes and improve himself and his outlook on life, I will be wholly supportive.
> 
> -- He is (finally) letting me leave stuff at his place. Not a lot, not like I have a drawer. But I told him yesterday when I was packing up to leave, "I'm leaving some of my toiletries in the bathroom, since I'll be back on Thursday night." And he was totally ok with it, when previously, he would have said, no, you can't leave anything here. I have my drink mix in the kitchen cabinets, my new Lego set upstairs, and a few other things here and there. This is a big thing for him... for the longest time, if I left even as much as a hair clip or a rubber band, it would be returned to me the next time he saw me. This is good because he's seeing me as a more permanent presence in his life.
> 
> -- I have finally, after almost 10 months, met one of his friends!!!! This is HUGE. Like, a BFD. He likes to compartmentalize his life in a way, so the different circles of people in his life don't really cross over in any meaningful way, and he is rather private--he doesn't go out and socialize a lot. So I've never met any of his friends, except for the mutual friend who introduced us, even though he's met a ton of my friends, and they all love him. Real Estate doesn't have a large collection of friends, and most of them live far away. This friend, in particular, lives in Kenya currently, so we will call him The Kenyan. I have known about The Kenyan for a long time, and The Kenyan has been in town 3 times since I've started seeing Real Estate, but I had never met him--he leases a condo in the same building where Real Estate owns a few units, which is how they met, and Real Estate is watching The Kenyan's condo, taking care of his mail, etc. They're been friends for a long time. The Kenyan is getting married at the end of February, and Real Estate is going to Kenya for the wedding. So, two weekends ago, I find out that The Kenyan is in town just for a few days--he had to go to Atlanta for some business with his non-profit, and he decided to come up here and take care of some stuff here as well--and Real Estate was meeting him on Saturday morning for breakfast, which they always do when The Kenyan is in town. I assumed that I would be left home to my own devices while they had breakfast, as has been the case in the past, but Real Estate decided that I was coming along to meet The Kenyan. Funny enough, he didn't tell The Kenyan that he was bringing me! But The Kenyan was delighted to meet me, and he was lovely. Since then, Real Estate has even let me chat with The Kenyan a little bit via text, when The Kenyan texted Real Estate about some stuff this past weekend. The Kenyan is disappointed that I can't come to the wedding, but I expect that I'll see much more of him and his bride when they come back to the US next summer. But the reason this is a BFD is that he wouldn't introduce me to any of his friends unless he was feeling sure that this was going to last into the foreseeable future. I'm also fairly certain that he has (in the past) repeatedly told all his friends and family that he never wanted to be in a relationship ever again, so it also requires a certain amount of pride swallowing on his part, and he is a very stubborn man, so I'm sure that part was tough for him as well.
> 
> -- It seems like he's trying to tell me he loves me without having to actually say the words themselves. He's been singing me silly love songs, and a few weeks ago he told me I was his favorite person, aside from his dog. He's just not ready yet, but I'm not worried about it. To actually say it would be to make himself vulnerable, and he's not ready to put himself in that position yet, and I can understand that. I will be patient, because I know that he loves me, and he shows me that in every way that he can, which is more than any other person has ever done for me, and I'm incredibly happy with that. I would rather have the actions than the words.
> 
> -- He seems to be warming up to the boyfriend/girlfriend label. I backed off of this starting back in October, after we had our last big fight about "what is this?" I decided to just enjoy what we had, and not worry about labels, because my relationship with him (without labels) has been better and healthier than any relationship I've had _with _labels. I would rather have the healthy, loving relationship without the labels, than give that up to try to find someone who will be on board with the labels, but not give me everything that Real Estate does. And then he doesn't feel pressure from me to move this at a faster speed than he's ready for. He has been very responsive to my needs; if he needs this to move slow, then I wants to be responsive to his needs as well.
> 
> So, that's where things are. I feel like we're in a really good place, and I'm happy that we aren't rushing things. I'm happy that I am able to have someone special in my life without feeling like I'm going to have to give up my independence to be with him, which is something that I've been worried about, getting seriously involved with another person. I'm quite happy with the way things are right now.


Such awesome news. I cannot believe its been 10 months already!


----------



## bkyln309

FeministInPink said:


> The one thing that I do regret, or perhaps more aptly, what I don't like about myself post-divorce, is that I feel like I have ADHD now. I may have had it before, undiagnosed, and I just feel it more acutely now because I'm a little more self-aware (when I think back to my childhood, I think there were signs, but ADHD manifests differently in girls than it does in boys), but it may also be due to the emotional trauma of the divorce. I've read that the emotional trauma of divorce can have long-term effects on the wiring in your brain, and what I'm experiencing seems to be pretty much in tune with what I've read.


funny you should say that. I never have suffered from anxiety until post divorce. I guess its all the stress of being the sole provider for me and the kids. It sucks because I usually work myself up into a tizzy over nothing. I need to work on this. OM recently commented on it when I flipped out for two weeks over a health issue. Luckily it turned out to be nothing but it drained both of us.

Other than that, I like my divorced self much better than my married self.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> Such awesome news. I cannot believe its been 10 months already!


I know! He's now rounding it up to a year, ha ha--he's not the best with dates, so he counts on me to know how long we've been together. I'm quite happy. But now, I'm thinking... jeez, I need a weekend day to myself! Every weekend committed just to him is getting to be a little much for me. I think I need to trade a weekend day for a weeknight, to get a little more balance in my life.


----------



## FeministInPink

bkyln309 said:


> funny you should say that. I never have suffered from anxiety until post divorce. I guess its all the stress of being the sole provider for me and the kids. It sucks because I usually work myself up into a tizzy over nothing. I need to work on this. OM recently commented on it when I flipped out for two weeks over a health issue. Luckily it turned out to be nothing but it drained both of us.
> 
> Other than that, I like my divorced self much better than my married self.


I've had a little more anxiety, myself. I think part of it is supporting myself on one income again--I fret more about money than I used to. I've also had two panic attacks since the divorce. Now that I know what they are, I realize that I had a few panic attacks as a kid/adolescent, so it's not a new development, but prior to my divorce, the last one I had when I was 13 or 14. Since I've figured out what they are, I haven't had one.

I think the anxiety and the ADHD are linked in some way, probably.


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## RandomDude

Cuddlebunny and I are going on vacation.


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## FeministInPink

RandomDude said:


> Cuddlebunny and I are going on vacation.


Where? What are you going to do?


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## TooNice

As always, I love to hop on here to see that things are going well for people.  Warms my heart!

Of course, I said I was not really focused on dating now, and I haven't been. My marathon training is on hold while I rebuild from a minor injury, and work is a whirlwind. 

BUT, I met a young man just before Thanksgiving, and we have sort of steadily been seeing each other. Last weekend, we went to see a big screen replay of my all time favorite movie. We had an amazing time. Lots of laughs, reciting lines, cuddling. The best part was seeing how much he loves it, too. It was a neat thing to share. 

We talk quite a bit about dating and relationships, and I like that we are both just trying to figure it out. We aren't exclusive, but we sort of are, if that makes sense. More of a respect/code sort of arrangement versus stating that we are a thing. He's met a few of my friends, and the general comment I hear is that we are very comfortable together. 

I like it. Comfortable is perfect for me right now.


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## RandomDude

FeministInPink said:


> Where? What are you going to do?


We are going overseas to *classified information* 

What are we going to do? Explore a new world together!


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## ne9907

So glad to see you all writing~
@TooNice awesome lady! @FeministInPink steady wins the race   @RandomDude .... dude.... DO NOT FREAK OUT like you did with your last girl 

I am busy. So busy. Havent had a day off since New Years Day.

My friend is weird. He has been spending a lot of time at my place. He jokingly said something about being my boyfriend, I put a stop and told him straight out "You are not my boyfriend." The other night, while we were having sex, he told me "I love you"
I instantly jumped off of him, and told him to stop freaking me out.
He said it again later on the night, I simply ignored him.
He has overstayed his welcome. However, I am also enjoying his company....

I like him and admire his lifestyle yet at the same time, his lifestyle terrifies me. All of the jobs he has held are in the fast food industry. He is happy with that. I am fighting the impulse not to judge him. He seems to be the sort of person who does not have much aspirations for his life. He is currently unemployed, he has had his own place before, but currently "crashing" either at my place or friend's places. I have not ended things because I am not developing feelings just enjoying the sex and company. As soon as I develop feelings, I will end things. I cannot and will not fall for someone like him.


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## TooNice

ne9907 said:


> My friend is weird. He has been spending a lot of time at my place. He jokingly said something about being my boyfriend, I put a stop and told him straight out "You are not my boyfriend." The other night, while we were having sex, he told me "I love you"
> I instantly jumped off of him, and told him to stop freaking me out.
> He said it again later on the night, I simply ignored him.
> He has overstayed his welcome. However, I am also enjoying his company....
> 
> I have not ended things because I am not developing feelings just enjoying the sex and company. As soon as I develop feelings, I will end things. I cannot and will not fall for someone like him.


Oh... be careful, ne. Sounds like HE is developing feelings, which might make it more complicated when you decide it's time to end it. I don't blame you a bit for freaking out when he said he loved you, but it freaks me out a bit more that he made the move to say it AGAIN.

I know you're having fun, but please take care. You deserve more. (But you know that.) :x


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## vi_bride04

NE - it sounds like he is really trying to push your boundaries, be careful.


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## ne9907

vi_bride04 said:


> NE - it sounds like he is really trying to push your boundaries, be careful.



Yes, I can see that happening. THank you!


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## TooNice

I'm learning more about the guy I am seeing, and getting insight into his relationship past. He's younger than I am, but it definitely does not show. Never been married, not in a rush to be, and he feels he could have kids... or not have kids. So that's all good. He's had a bad rash of relationships that ended with breaches of trust, and is hesitant to rush back into giving someone his all. After all the lies in my 20 year marriage, I am in the same boat, but we haven't even talked about that yet. He doesn't even know how much I can relate to that. 

He's a little uncomfortable around big groups of people, and prefers engaging in 2-3 person conversations. That may be the only thing I have issue with so far; I often go out with large groups of people, and enjoy when the conversation includes the whole group. When we are in a larger group and he's talking just to me, I feel like I am missing the rest of the group's interaction. That is a minor worry, however, and I am thrilled that my brain is not kicking into high gear on messing this up. I am focused more on understanding that this may be how he deals with narrowing a larger group down to help his comfort level. I have always been an extrovert, so this is new territory for me, and I want us both to be comfortable.

We have some interests that don't mesh (which is totally fine!), but our sense of humor is a huge one that does. And while he is younger, his taste for and knowledge of movies and music from my era is downright impressive - lol! I saw him after I posted last night, and there was a great 80's playlist going, so we had fun with that. We also have date plans for tonight. It is so lovely to be treated kindly... small things, like helping me put my coat on and lifting my hair over the collar. I think I posted about this guy a few weeks after we met - he's the one who brought me a thermos of tea when I had a sore throat! I need to reframe things a bit to be accepting of these small acts of kindness. When you are treated poorly for a long time, it is a tough adjustment to feel worthy of such treatment. I also need to re-learn how to reciprocate that. My ex shot me down when I would do small things to show I cared, so eventually I stopped. It really is remarkable to understand the ways a poor relationship can affect you when you move forward. 

Anyway, I digress. Right now, I am enjoying myself. We are taking things slow and simply spending time together. And hopefully learning a bit from one another as we go.


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## RandomDude

ne9907 said:


> @RandomDude .... dude.... DO NOT FREAK OUT like you did with your last girl


What happened with last girl? I forgot which one she was... 

Anyway think we will have fun, think I have the travel bug, I only just flown overseas late last year.


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## Absurdist

TooNice said:


> I'm learning more about the guy I am seeing, and getting insight into his relationship past. He's younger than I am, but it definitely does not show. Never been married, not in a rush to be, and he feels he could have kids... or not have kids. So that's all good. He's had a bad rash of relationships that ended with breaches of trust, and is hesitant to rush back into giving someone his all. After all the lies in my 20 year marriage, I am in the same boat, but we haven't even talked about that yet. He doesn't even know how much I can relate to that.
> 
> He's a little uncomfortable around big groups of people, and prefers engaging in 2-3 person conversations. That may be the only thing I have issue with so far; I often go out with large groups of people, and enjoy when the conversation includes the whole group. When we are in a larger group and he's talking just to me, I feel like I am missing the rest of the group's interaction. That is a minor worry, however, and I am thrilled that my brain is not kicking into high gear on messing this up. I am focused more on understanding that this may be how he deals with narrowing a larger group down to help his comfort level. I have always been an extrovert, so this is new territory for me, and I want us both to be comfortable.
> 
> We have some interests that don't mesh (which is totally fine!), but our sense of humor is a huge one that does. And while he is younger, his taste for and knowledge of movies and music from my era is downright impressive - lol! I saw him after I posted last night, and there was a great 80's playlist going, so we had fun with that. We also have date plans for tonight. It is so lovely to be treated kindly... small things, like helping me put my coat on and lifting my hair over the collar. I think I posted about this guy a few weeks after we met - he's the one who brought me a thermos of tea when I had a sore throat! I need to reframe things a bit to be accepting of these small acts of kindness. When you are treated poorly for a long time, it is a tough adjustment to feel worthy of such treatment. I also need to re-learn how to reciprocate that. My ex shot me down when I would do small things to show I cared, so eventually I stopped. It really is remarkable to understand the ways a poor relationship can affect you when you move forward.
> 
> Anyway, I digress. Right now, I am enjoying myself. We are taking things slow and simply spending time together. And hopefully learning a bit from one another as we go.



:grin2::grin2::grin2::smthumbup::smthumbup::::yay::yay::yay:

Looking for pom poms to wave.


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## FeministInPink

So, I need to have a talk with Real Estate, and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm afraid he will take it wrong, but the only way I will know is if I have this conversation.

I need some space.

Not like in a bad way, "I'm not sure if this is what I want and I might break up with you" space. In an, "I love spending time with you, but I'm spending so much time with you that I never see my friends anymore and I don't have time to do my laundry and focus on things that are important to me, and I need a little more balance in my life" space. We spend every weekend together, regardless of whether or not we have actual specific plans... and an entire weekend is a LOT of hours to take out of my schedule. I work full-time, plus my commute, Mon-Fri. If I spend all weekend at his place, that only leaves me with Mon-Thurs evenings (3-4 hrs per night max) to do everything else that I need/want to do, like laundry, groceries, meal prepping, seeing my friends. I've had to resort to, "Hey, friend, I would love to hang out with you, but only if you come over and we drink wine while I do my laundry and clean my room." And all this time spent at his place on the weekends... if we don't have anything specific planned, we just hang out and watch TV/movies, which really isn't quality time.

I don't think he realizes just how much time that is for me to take out of my schedule. He has mastered the Tim Ferris 4-hour work week or whatever. Literally, he works at MOST 2-3 hrs a day... from home. So he doesn't have to deal with a commute, or even showering, if he doesn't want to. He can work in his pajamas, if he wants to. It isn't like he's hurting for extra time the way that I am, so I think it just hasn't occurred to him.

So I'm going to have to say that I can only spend one weekend day... or I'm only coming over if we have definite plans to do something. Something like that. I have plans and goals that I want to work on, like writing my novel (finally), among other things. He is very supportive of these, but I need TIME to accomplish them... and he's being a huge time suck right now, and the time we're spending together isn't always quality time, and if it's not quality time, it's not a good use of my time.


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## RandomDude

Welcome to my world, not an easy conversation to have FIP


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## Bananapeel

FIP - how secure is he in the relationship? If he's very secure it won't be as big a deal if he's insecure. In my limited experience if a woman is feeling the way you are it's partly because you want time for yourself (reasonable request) and partly because you are missing some of the initial excitement that the relationship originally had (reasonable feeling). Maybe approach it by saying that you love spending time with him but you feel like you're transitioning into an old married couple's routine. Tell him that you'd like him to take control and shake things up a bit and he can do that by planning an exciting date for you in a week or two. Then tell him you're going to hold off on seeing him to build the excitement (i.e. you want him to miss you and think about you). If that works, you can discuss how you'd like to do it again because you feel it's a better balance for both of you in how you allocate your time. 

These discussions are always hard, and depending on his personality type he might take it very differently based on how the conversation goes. I believe you have to be direct and honest about your wants/needs but it can maybe be done more delicately. I was dating a woman for a while recently and ended things with her because she was getting too needy and didn't respond to my requests for some space. I'd hate to see that happen to you, so it's great you're recognizing it and planning to fixing it. 

Have you read Mating in Captivity? If not, I'd recommend you take a look.


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## ne9907

FeministInPink said:


> So, I need to have a talk with Real Estate, and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm afraid he will take it wrong, but the only way I will know is if I have this conversation.
> 
> I need some space.
> 
> Not like in a bad way, "I'm not sure if this is what I want and I might break up with you" space. In an, "I love spending time with you, but I'm spending so much time with you that I never see my friends anymore and I don't have time to do my laundry and focus on things that are important to me, and I need a little more balance in my life" space. We spend every weekend together, regardless of whether or not we have actual specific plans... and an entire weekend is a LOT of hours to take out of my schedule. I work full-time, plus my commute, Mon-Fri. If I spend all weekend at his place, that only leaves me with Mon-Thurs evenings (3-4 hrs per night max) to do everything else that I need/want to do, like laundry, groceries, meal prepping, seeing my friends. I've had to resort to, "Hey, friend, I would love to hang out with you, but only if you come over and we drink wine while I do my laundry and clean my room." And all this time spent at his place on the weekends... if we don't have anything specific planned, we just hang out and watch TV/movies, which really isn't quality time.
> 
> I don't think he realizes just how much time that is for me to take out of my schedule. He has mastered the Tim Ferris 4-hour work week or whatever. Literally, he works at MOST 2-3 hrs a day... from home. So he doesn't have to deal with a commute, or even showering, if he doesn't want to. He can work in his pajamas, if he wants to. It isn't like he's hurting for extra time the way that I am, so I think it just hasn't occurred to him.
> 
> So I'm going to have to say that I can only spend one weekend day... or I'm only coming over if we have definite plans to do something. Something like that. I have plans and goals that I want to work on, like writing my novel (finally), among other things. He is very supportive of these, but I need TIME to accomplish them... and he's being a huge time suck right now, and the time we're spending together isn't always quality time, and if it's not quality time, it's not a good use of my time.


Definitely difficult conversation! Even for a well balanced, secured person... I feel real state still carries a lot of his past with him and this might be difficult for him to process...
However, you are a smart cookie and if anyone can have a rational conversation, it is you.
Good luck babes!~

(all of TAM is cheering for your relationship!)


I have been super busy............ I haven't trained for a very important physical test I am having on the 12th of next month. I have been lazy. I am not stressing out like I normally do... which also worries me but not to the extend of getting panicky. I am nonchalant.... even thought this test is HUGE for my career!

my friend and I are still doing it... he normally never comes to bed with me ( I go to bed early, and yes he has some issues) he comes to bed at dawn and then we have sex for hours!
I hear you FiP! I need my space... which I get when he goes away. I cant believe I am complaining about the lack of sleep because of awesome sex...


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## 3Xnocharm

FIP why doesn't he stay at YOUR place? You guys could alternate weekends so that you aren't the only one spending time away from home. Only seems fair.


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## FeministInPink

Bananapeel said:


> FIP - how secure is he in the relationship? If he's very secure it won't be as big a deal if he's insecure. In my limited experience if a woman is feeling the way you are it's partly because you want time for yourself (reasonable request) and partly because you are missing some of the initial excitement that the relationship originally had (reasonable feeling). Maybe approach it by saying that you love spending time with him but you feel like you're transitioning into an old married couple's routine. Tell him that you'd like him to take control and shake things up a bit and he can do that by planning an exciting date for you in a week or two. Then tell him you're going to hold off on seeing him to build the excitement (i.e. you want him to miss you and think about you). If that works, you can discuss how you'd like to do it again because you feel it's a better balance for both of you in how you allocate your time.
> 
> These discussions are always hard, and depending on his personality type he might take it very differently based on how the conversation goes. I believe you have to be direct and honest about your wants/needs but it can maybe be done more delicately. I was dating a woman for a while recently and ended things with her because she was getting too needy and didn't respond to my requests for some space. I'd hate to see that happen to you, so it's great you're recognizing it and planning to fixing it.
> 
> Have you read Mating in Captivity? If not, I'd recommend you take a look.


I think he's pretty secure. Maybe too secure, if I'm honest. And we are transitioning into an "old married couple" routine... which I know that he likes, but me? Not so much. It kills the romance in a relationship. It's a challenge, since he can be a real homebody. Me not being around for an entire weekend and me taking some time for myself will give him plenty of time to miss me, I think. Right now, he's always happy to see me when I come over, but I'm not sure that he misses me in-between. Thinks of me? Certainly. Misses me? Perhaps not.

If I said I'm not going to see him until the date (in a week or two), that would make ME pretty unhappy. I do love getting to fall asleep and wake up with him... I look forward to that every week. I just need back some of the hours in-between, and make sure the time we spend together is quality time.

Given his personality, I think he will be glad that I brought it up. He wants us to be completely honest and open with one another, and he has made it clear that me communicating an "unpopular" thought will not change the way he feels about me. But it's still a hard conversation for ME to have. I don't want to hurt his feelings, or think this means the way I feel about HIM has changed. I just feel like I'm getting a little sucked in and losing sight of what makes me ME, and losing the unique part of me that I think drew him to me in the first place. I think he will understand. It may take some time to process, but I think he will get it.


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## FeministInPink

3Xnocharm said:


> FIP why doesn't he stay at YOUR place? You guys could alternate weekends so that you aren't the only one spending time away from home. Only seems fair.


We stay at his place because 1) he lives alone, whereas I have 2 roommates, thin walls, very little privacy, and only one bathroom in the house; and 2) he has a dog, who is welcome in my home for visits of a few hours, but my roommies have made clear is not welcome for periods of time longer or overnights.

We are both much happier staying at his place. If I had my own place, it would be different--we would probably split the time. Once the weather gets warmer, we'll likely spend a little more time at my place because I have a backyard (he currently has a backyard and firepit, and we spend a lot of time outside when it is warm, but he anticipates having to move sometime in the next 6 months, if the property sells).


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## anewstart60

FeministInPink said:


> So, I need to have a talk with Real Estate, and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm afraid he will take it wrong, but the only way I will know is if I have this conversation.
> 
> I need some space.
> 
> Not like in a bad way, "I'm not sure if this is what I want and I might break up with you" space. In an, "I love spending time with you, but I'm spending so much time with you that I never see my friends anymore and I don't have time to do my laundry and focus on things that are important to me, and I need a little more balance in my life" space. We spend every weekend together, regardless of whether or not we have actual specific plans... and an entire weekend is a LOT of hours to take out of my schedule. I work full-time, plus my commute, Mon-Fri. If I spend all weekend at his place, that only leaves me with Mon-Thurs evenings (3-4 hrs per night max) to do everything else that I need/want to do, like laundry, groceries, meal prepping, seeing my friends. I've had to resort to, "Hey, friend, I would love to hang out with you, but only if you come over and we drink wine while I do my laundry and clean my room." And all this time spent at his place on the weekends... if we don't have anything specific planned, we just hang out and watch TV/movies, which really isn't quality time.
> 
> I don't think he realizes just how much time that is for me to take out of my schedule. He has mastered the Tim Ferris 4-hour work week or whatever. Literally, he works at MOST 2-3 hrs a day... from home. So he doesn't have to deal with a commute, or even showering, if he doesn't want to. He can work in his pajamas, if he wants to. It isn't like he's hurting for extra time the way that I am, so I think it just hasn't occurred to him.
> 
> So I'm going to have to say that I can only spend one weekend day... or I'm only coming over if we have definite plans to do something. Something like that. I have plans and goals that I want to work on, like writing my novel (finally), among other things. He is very supportive of these, but I need TIME to accomplish them... and he's being a huge time suck right now, and the time we're spending together isn't always quality time, and if it's not quality time, it's not a good use of my time.


I get exactly what you mean. I have been seeing a great lady for the last 10 months and we usually spend Saturday till Sunday afternoon together. Other than that we talk daily. We both have grown kids at home while they attend university and we both realize we need to spend as much time with them as we can till they leave home. Luckily we have discussed this a few times and it is not an issue for either of us, we will let things evolve and spend more time together as things go on.
I do enjoy the time I get at home alone when my son is at his mothers too and I'm nowhere near ready to give that independance up just yet. But we both enjoy our independance so it works well for us.


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## FeministInPink

anewstart60 said:


> I get exactly what you mean. I have been seeing a great lady for the last 10 months and we usually spend Saturday till Sunday afternoon together. Other than that we talk daily. We both have grown kids at home while they attend university and we both realize we need to spend as much time with them as we can till they leave home. Luckily we have discussed this a few times and it is not an issue for either of us, we will let things evolve and spend more time together as things go on.
> I do enjoy the time I get at home alone when my son is at his mothers too and I'm nowhere near ready to give that independance up just yet. But we both enjoy our independance so it works well for us.


You need time for your kids. I need time for my creative pursuits. It's a big part of what makes me ME. (Some people would call them hobbies, which I think belittles these pursuits, but...) These pursuits require a decent amount of solitary time, which I am ok with, because I am an introvert. I like having an excuse to stay home! But seriously, they do require a significant amount of alone time... but I also need to prioritize managing my life. I have a job, I need to eat (grocery shopping and food prep), I need to do laundry and conduct basic self-care (I need to look professional at work), and other life-maintenance stuff. I need to prioritize and do that before I can do the creative pursuits... and right now, all my free time is going towards 1) the life maintenance stuff and 2) Real Estate. There's nothing left for ME.


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## anewstart60

FeministInPink said:


> You need time for your kids. I need time for my creative pursuits. It's a big part of what makes me ME. (Some people would call them hobbies, which I think belittles these pursuits, but...) These pursuits require a decent amount of solitary time, which I am ok with, because I am an introvert. I like having an excuse to stay home! But seriously, they do require a significant amount of alone time... but I also need to prioritize managing my life. I have a job, I need to eat (grocery shopping and food prep), I need to do laundry and conduct basic self-care (I need to look professional at work), and other life-maintenance stuff. I need to prioritize and do that before I can do the creative pursuits... and right now, all my free time is going towards 1) the life maintenance stuff and 2) Real Estate. There's nothing left for ME.


After a couple years alone (with my son) getting to know myself I feel I am not even close to letting that freedom go. It's nice to be able to work on my photography or watch a movie, go for a walk by myself or just hang out with myself.
With my girlfriend I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I have time at my place with and without my son and I have the time her and I have together. Luckily she feels the same way so far. I told her if it became stressful being with her in any way I would walk away, she gets it and so far no stress.


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## GuyInColorado

Took the plunge, bought a ring. I'll pop the question sometime next month (not V-Day), probably on our 1 year anniversary. We'll be engaged for a year before getting married, hopefully move in together 6 months after engagement.

JamesAllen FTW!! I spent months looking for the perfect diamond and finally found a nice 1.5ct GIA round VS2/I with a perfect cut for $8100. Out the door with a nice pave setting for $8700. A less quality diamond at local stores was selling for $12-15k for diamond only. I still think $8100 is a ton of money for a stone but it's going to look great on her finger. I can't wait for her to be officially mine. She's going to be blown away with how beautiful this thing will be. I can't wait to see it in person, a week away.

Will look like this:


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## ne9907

This page is glitch!!! Cant see any new posts... even though I saw them this morning....


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## FeministInPink

So... it actually ended up being a pretty easy conversation! He said that he absolutely understood, and that I should never feel bad for leaving to just take care of me stuff. He loves having me around, but he doesn't want to keep me from doing what I need to do to live my life. He said he was surprised that I've spent the entire weekend--especially with the two three-day weekends we just had--but he figured if I had stuff I needed to do, that I would leave. We've agreed that, unless we make explicit plans otherwise, I'll leave by 2 pm or so on Sunday, or if we want to do something on Sunday, I'll take Saturday afternoon for myself. And if I need more than that, I'll take it.

He is so understanding, and kind, and exceptional... where did he come from? How did his crazy XW give this guy up??? He's just... amazing.


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## TooNice

FeministInPink said:


> So... it actually ended up being a pretty easy conversation! He said that he absolutely understood, and that I should never feel bad for leaving to just take care of me stuff. He loves having me around, but he doesn't want to keep me from doing what I need to do to live my life. He said he was surprised that I've spent the entire weekend--especially with the two three-day weekends we just had--but he figured if I had stuff I needed to do, that I would leave. We've agreed that, unless we make explicit plans otherwise, I'll leave by 2 pm or so on Sunday, or if we want to do something on Sunday, I'll take Saturday afternoon for myself. And if I need more than that, I'll take it.
> 
> He is so understanding, and kind, and exceptional... where did he come from? How did his crazy XW give this guy up??? He's just... amazing.


FIP, this is just awesome. I am so happy for you.


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## FeministInPink

SINGLES OF TAM!!!

It was suggested that we start a new thread to continue our discussion, as these longer threads keep getting glitches, and no longer post in this thread. I'm creating a new thread and will post a link to it shortly. *Please post new replies to the new thread, instead of to this thread.*

Thanks!

ETA 2:13 pm: Here is our new thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/365514-singles-tam-2-0-a.html


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## EleGirl

I'm closing this thread because it's gotten way too long. A new Singles thread has been opened. So, please of there to post. Here's a link to the new thread:


*http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/365514-singles-tam-2-0-a.html#post17263370*


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